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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/18060-8.txt b/18060-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c5b31f7 --- /dev/null +++ b/18060-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12229 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Good Comrade, by Una L. Silberrad + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Good Comrade + +Author: Una L. Silberrad + +Illustrator: Anna Whelan Betts + +Release Date: March 27, 2006 [EBook #18060] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GOOD COMRADE *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Sankar Viswanathan, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: "'Tell me,' she said, 'did you ever really do anything +foolish in your life?'"] + + + The Good Comrade + + + + By + + UNA L. SILBERRAD + + + Illustrated by + Anna Whelan Betts + + + + + + New York + Doubleday, Page & Company + 1907 + + + + + COPYRIGHT, 1907, BY DOUBLEDAY PAGE & COMPANY + PUBLISHED, SEPTEMBER, 1907 + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER + + I. THE POLKINGTONS + + II. THE DEBT + + III. NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS AZUREUM + + IV. THE OWNER OF THE BLUE DAFFODIL + + V. THE EXCURSION + + VI. DEBTOR AND CREDITOR + + VII. HOW JULIA DID NOT GET THE BLUE DAFFODIL + + VIII. POOFERCHJES AND JEALOUSY + + IX. THE HOLIDAY + + X. TO-MORROW + + XI. A REPRIEVE + + XII. THE YOUNG COOK + + XIII. THE HEIRESS + + XIV. THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN + + XV. THE GOOD COMRADE + + XVI. THE SIMPLE LIFE + + XVII. NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS STRIATUM, THE GOOD COMRADE + +XVIII. BEHIND THE CHOPPING-BLOCK + + XIX. CAPTAIN POLKINGTON + + XX. THE BENEFACTOR + + XXI. THE GOING OF THE GOOD COMRADE + + XXII. THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE + +XXIII. PAYMENT AND RECEIPT + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + +"'Tell me,' she said, 'did you ever +really do anything foolish in your +life?'" Frontispiece + +"Julia" + +"A wonderful woman" + +"'Now you must call your flower a +name,' he said" + + + + +THE GOOD COMRADE + +CHAPTER I + +THE POLKINGTONS + + +The Polkingtons were of those people who do not dine. They lunched, +though few besides Johnny Gillat, who did not count, had been invited +to share that meal with them. They took tea, the daintiest, +pleasantest, most charming of teas, as the _élite_ of Marbridge knew; +everybody--or, rather, a selection of everybody, had had tea with them +one time or another. After that there was no record; the _élite_, who +would as soon have thought of going without their heads as without +their dinner, concluded they dined, because they were "one of us." But +some humbler folk were of opinion that they only dined once a week, +and that after morning service on Sundays; but even this idea was +dispelled when the eldest Miss Polkington was heard to excuse her +non-appearance at an organ recital because "lunch was always so late +on Sunday." + +Let it not be imagined from this that the Polkingtons were common +people--they were not; they were extremely well connected; indeed, +their connections were one of the two striking features about them, +the other was their handicap, Captain Polkington, late of the ----th +Bengal Lancers. He was well connected, though not quite so much so as +his wife; still--well, but he was not very presentable. If only he +had been dead he would have been a valuable asset, but living, he was +decidedly rather a drawback; there are some relatives like this. Mrs. +Polkington bore up under it valiantly; in fact, they all did so well +that in time they, or at least she and two of her three daughters, +came almost to believe some of the legends they told of the Captain. + +The Polkingtons lived at No. 27 East Street, which, as all who know +Marbridge are aware, is a very good street in which to live. The house +was rather small, but the drawing-room was good, with two beautiful +Queen Anne windows, and a white door with six panels. The rest of the +house did not matter. On the whole the drawing-room did not so very +much matter, because visitors seldom went into it when the Miss +Polkingtons were not there; and when they were, no one but a jealous +woman would have noticed that the furniture was rather slight, and +there were no flowers except those in obvious places. + +There was only one Miss Polkington in the drawing-room that wintry +afternoon--Julia, the middle one of the three, the only one who could +not fill even a larger room to the complete obliteration of furniture +and fitments. Julia was not pretty, therefore she was seldom to be +found in the drawing-room alone; she knew better than to attempt to +occupy that stage by herself. But it was now almost seven o'clock, too +late for any one to come; also, since there was no light but the fire, +deficiencies were not noticeable. She felt secure of interruption, and +stood with one foot on the fender, looking earnestly into the fire. + +That day had been an important one to the Polkingtons; Violet, the +eldest of the sisters, had that afternoon accepted an offer of +marriage from the Reverend Richard Frazer. The young man had not left +the house an hour, and Mrs. Polkington was not yet returned from some +afternoon engagement more than half, but already the matter had been +in part discussed by the family. Julia, standing by the drawing-room +fire, was in a position to review at least some points of the case +dispassionately. Violet was two and twenty, tall, and of a fine +presence, like her mother, but handsomer than the elder woman could +ever have been. She had undoubted abilities, principally of a social +order, but not a penny apiece to her dower. She had this afternoon +accepted Richard Frazer, though he was only a curate--an aristocratic +one certainly, with a small private income, and an uncle lately made +bishop of one of the minor sees. Violet was fond of him; she was too +nice a girl to accept a man she was not fond of, though too well +brought up to become fond of one who was impossible. The engagement, +though it probably did not fulfil all Mrs. Polkington's ambitions, was +in Julia's opinion a good thing for several reasons. + +There was a swish and rustle of silk by the door--Mrs. Polkington did +not wear silk skirts, only a silk flounce somewhere, but she got more +creak and rustle out of it than the average woman does out of two +skirts. An imposing woman she was, with an eye that had once been +described as "eagle," though, for that, it was a little inquiring and +eager now, by reason of the look-out she had been obliged to keep for +a good part of her life. She entered the room now, followed by her +eldest and youngest daughters, Violet and Chèrie. + +"At twelve to-morrow?" she was saying as she came in. "Is that when he +is coming to see your father?" + +Violet said it was; then added, in a tone of some dissatisfaction, "I +suppose he must see father about it? We couldn't arrange something?" + +"Certainly not," Mrs. Polkington replied with decision; "it is not for +me to give or refuse consent to your marriage. Of course, Mr. Frazer +knows your father does not have good health, or trouble himself to mix +much in society here--it is not likely that an old military man +should, but in a case like this he would expect to be called upon; it +would have shown a great lack of breeding on Mr. Frazer's part had he +suggested anything different." + +Violet agreed, though she did not seem exactly convinced, and Julia +created a diversion by saying-- + +"Twelve is rather an awkward time. A quarter of an hour with father, +five minutes--no, ten--with you, half an hour with Violet, altogether +brings it very near lunch time." + +"Mr. Frazer will, of course, lunch with us to-morrow," Mrs. Polkington +said, as if stray guests to lunch were the most usual and convenient +thing in the world. The Polkingtons kept up a good many of their +farces in private life; most of them found it easier, as well as +pleasanter, to do so. "The cold beef," Mrs. Polkington said, mentally +reviewing her larder, "can be hashed; that and a small boned loin of +mutton will do, he would naturally expect to be treated as one of the +family; fortunately the apple tart has not been cut--with a little +cream--" + +"I thought we were to have the tart to-night," Julia interrupted, +thinking of Johnny Gillat, who was coming to spend the evening with +her father. + +Mrs. Polkington thought of him too, but she did not change her mind on +this account. "We can't, then," she said, and turned to the discussion +of other matters. She had carried these as far as the probable date of +marriage, and the preferment the young man might easily expect, when +the little servant came up to announce Mr. Gillat. + +Mrs. Polkington did not express impatience. "Is he in the +dining-room?" she said. "I hope you lighted the heater, Mary." + +Mary said she had, and Mrs. Polkington returned to her interesting +subject, only pausing to remark, "How tiresome that your father is not +back yet!" + +For a little none of the three girls moved, then Julia rose. + +"Are you going down to Mr. Gillat?" her mother asked. "There really is +no necessity; he is perfectly happy with the paper." + +Perhaps he was, though the paper was a half-penny morning one; he did +not make extravagant demands on fate, or anything else; nevertheless, +Julia went down. + +The Polkingtons' house was furnished on an ascending scale, which +found its zenith in the drawing-room, but deteriorated again very +rapidly afterwards. The dining-room, being midway between the kitchen +and the drawing-room, was only a middling-looking apartment. They did +not often have a fire there; a paraffin lamp stove stood in the +fire-place, leering with its red eye as if it took a wicked +satisfaction in its own smell. Before the fire-place, re-reading the +already-known newspaper by the light of one gas jet, sat Johnny +Gillat. Poor old Johnny, with his round, pink face, whereon a grizzled +little moustache looked as much out of place as on a twelve-year-old +school-boy. There was something of the school-boy in his look and in +his deprecating manner, especially to Mrs. Polkington; he had always +been a little deprecating to her even when he had first known her, a +bride, while he himself was the wealthy bachelor friend of her +husband. He was still a bachelor, and still her husband's friend, but +the wealth had gone long ago. He had now only just enough to keep him, +fortunately so secured that he could not touch the principal. It was +a mercy he had it, for there was no known work at which he could have +earned sixpence, unless perhaps it was road scraping under a not too +exacting District Council. He was a harmless enough person, but when +he took it into his head to leave his lodgings in town for others, +equally cheap and nasty, at Marbridge, Mrs. Polkington felt fate was +hard upon her. It was like having two Captain Polkingtons, of a +different sort, but equally unsuitable for public use, in the place. +In self defence she had been obliged to make definite rules for Mr. +Gillat's coming and going about the house, and still more definite +rules as to the rooms in which he might be found. The dining-room was +allowed him, and there he was when Julia came. + +He looked up as she entered, and smiled; he regarded her as almost as +much his friend as her father; a composite creature, and a necessary +connection between the superior and inferior halves of the household. + +"Father not in, I hear," he said. + +"No," Julia answered. "What a smell there is!" + +Mr. Gillat allowed it. "There's something gone wrong with Bouquet," he +said, thoughtfully regarding the stove. + +The "Bouquet Heater" was the name under which it was patented; it did +not seem quite honest to speak of it as a heater, so perhaps "Bouquet" +was the better name. + +Julia went to it. "I should think there is," she said, and turned it +up, and turn it down, and altered the wicks, until she had improved +matters a little. + +"I'm afraid your father's having larks," Johnny said, watching her. + +"It's rather a pity if he is," Julia answered; "he has got to see some +one on business to-morrow." + +"Who?" + +"Mr. Frazer, a clergyman who wants to marry Violet." + +Mr. Gillat sat upright. "Dear, dear!" he exclaimed. "No? Really?" and +when Julia had given him an outline of the circumstances, he added +softly, "A wonderful woman! I always had a great respect for your +mother." From which it is clear he thought Mrs. Polkington was to be +congratulated. "And when is it to be?" he asked. + +"Violet says a year's time; they could not afford to marry sooner and +do it properly, but it will have to be sooner all the same." + +"A year is not a very long time," Mr. Gillat observed; "they go fast, +years; one almost loses count of them, they go so fast." + +"I dare say," Julia answered, "but Violet will have to get married +without waiting for the year to pass. We can't afford a long +engagement." + +Mr. Gillat looked mildly surprised and troubled; he always did when +scarcity of money was brought home to him, but Julia regarded it quite +calmly. + +"The sooner Violet is married," she said, "the sooner we can reduce +some of the expenses; we are living beyond our income now--not a great +deal, perhaps, still a bit; Violet's going would save enough, I +believe; we could catch up then. That is one reason, but the chief is +that a long engagement is expensive; you see, we should have to have +meals different, and fires different, and all manner of extras if Mr. +Frazer came in and out constantly. We should have to live altogether +in a more expensive style; we might manage it for three months, or six +if we were driven to it, but for a year--it is out of the question." + +"But," Mr. Gillat protested, "if they can't afford it? You said he +could not; he is a curate." + +"He must get a living, or a chaplaincy, or something; or rather, I +expect we must get it for him. Oh, no, we have no Church influence, +and we don't know any bishops; but one can always rake up influence, +and get to know people, if one is not too particular how." + +Mr. Gillat looked at her uneasily; every now and then there flitted +through his mind a suspicion that Julia was clever too, as clever +perhaps as her mother, and though not, like her, a moral and social +pillar standing in the high first estate from which he and the Captain +had fallen. Julia had never been that, never aspired to it; she was no +success at all; content to come and sit in the dining-room with him +and Bouquet; she could not really be clever, or else she would have +achieved something for herself, and scorned to consort with failures. +He smiled benignly as he remembered this, observing, "I dare say +something will be done--I hope it may; your mother's a wonderful +woman, a wonderful--" + +He broke off to listen; Julia listened too, then she rose to her feet. +"That's father," she said, and went to let him in. + +Mr. Gillat followed her to the door. "Ah--h'm," he said, as he saw the +Captain coming in slowly, with a face of despairing melancholy and a +drooping step. + +"Come down-stairs, father," Julia said. "Come along, Johnny." + +They followed her meekly to the basement, where there was a gloomy +little room behind the kitchen reserved for the Captain's special use. +A paraffin stove stood in the fire-place also, own brother to the one +in the dining-room; Julia stooped to light it, while her father sank +into a chair. + +"Gillat," he said in a voice of hopelessness, "I am a ruined man." + +"No?" Mr. Gillat answered sympathetically, but without surprise. "Dear +me!" He carefully put down the hat and stick he had brought with him, +the one on the edge of the table, the other against it, both so badly +balanced that they fell to the ground. + +"You shouldn't do it, you know," he said, with mild reproof; "you +really shouldn't." + +"Do it!" the Captain cried. "Do what?" + +Julia looked up from the floor where she knelt trimming the +stove-lamp. "Have five whiskeys and sodas," she said, examining her +father judicially. + +He did not deny the charge; Julia's observation was not to be avoided. + +"And what is five?" he demanded with dignity. + +"Three too many for you," she answered. + +"Do you mean to insinuate that I am intoxicated?" he asked. "Johnny," +he turned pathetically to his friend, "my own daughter insinuates that +I am intoxicated." + +"No," Julia said, "I don't; I say it does not agree with you, and it +doesn't--you know you ought not to take more than two glasses." + +"Is that your opinion, Gillat?" Captain Polkington asked. "Is that +what you meant? That I--I should confine myself to two glasses of +whiskey and water?" + +"I wasn't thinking of the whiskey," Johnny said apologetically; "it +was the gees." + +The Captain groaned, but what he said more Julia did not hear; she +went out into the kitchen to get paraffin. But she had no doubt that +he defended the attacked point to his own satisfaction, as he always +had done--cards, races, and kindred pleasant, if expensive, things, +ever since the days long ago before he sent in his papers. + +These same pleasant things had had a good deal to do with the sending +in of the papers; not that they had led the Captain into anything +disgraceful, the compulsion to resign his commission came solely from +relatives, principally those of his wife. It was their opinion that +he worked too little and played too much, and an expensive kind of +play. That he drank too much was not said; of course, the Indian +climate and life tempted to whiskey pegs, and nature had not fitted +him for them in large quantities; still that was never cast up against +him. Enough was, however, to bring things to an end; he resigned, +relations helped to pay his debts, and he came home with the avowed +intention of getting some gentlemanly employment. Of course he never +got any, it wasn't likely, hardly possible; but he had something left +to live upon--a very small private income, a clever wife, and some +useful and conscientious relations. + +Somehow the family lived, quite how in the early days no one knew; +Mrs. Polkington never spoke of it at the time, and now, mercifully, +she had forgotten part, but the struggle must have been bitter. +Herself disillusioned, her daughters mere children, her position +insecure, and her husband not yet reduced to submission, and always +prone to slip back into his old ways. But she had won through somehow, +and time had given her the compensations possible to her nature. She +was, by her own untiring efforts, a social factor now, even a social +success; her eldest daughter was engaged to a clergyman of sufficient, +if small, means, and her youngest was almost a beauty. As to the +Captain, he was still there; time had not taken him away, but it had +reduced him; he gave little trouble now even when Johnny Gillat came; +he kept so out of the way that she had almost come to regard him as a +negligible factor--which was a mistake. + +Both the Captain and his friend had a great respect for Mrs. +Polkington, though both felt at times that she treated them a little +hardly. The Captain especially felt this, but he put up with it; after +all it is easier to acquiesce than to assert one's rights, and, as +Johnny pointed out, it was on the whole more comfortable, in spite of +horse-hair chairs, down in the basement than up in the drawing-room. +There was no need to make polite conversation down here, and one might +smoke, no matter how cheap the tobacco, and put one's feet up, and +really Bouquet was almost as good as a fire when you once get used to +it. + +Johnny was of a contented mind, he even looked contented sitting by +the empty stove when Julia came back with the paraffin; the Captain, +on the other hand, appeared to be very gloomy and unhappy; he sat +silent all the time his daughter was present. As she was leaving the +room Johnny tried to rouse him. "We might have a game," he suggested, +looking towards a pack of cards that stuck out of a half-opened +drawer. + +"I have nothing in the world that I can call my own," Captain +Polkington answered, without moving. + +Mr. Gillat felt in his own lean pockets surreptitiously. "We might +play for paper," he said. + +And as she went up-stairs Julia listened to hear their chairs scroop +on the kamptulikon floor as they drew them to the table; she was +surprised not to hear the sound, but she imagined the game must have +been put off a little so that her father could talk over his troubles. +Which, indeed, was the case, though the magnitude of those troubles +she did not guess. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +THE DEBT + + +Violet's engagement was an accepted fact. Mr. Frazer came to see the +Captain, who received him in the dining-room--the combined ingenuity +of the family could not make the down-stairs room presentable. The +interview was short, but satisfactory; so also was the one with Mrs. +Polkington which followed; with Violet it was longer, but, no doubt, +equally satisfactory. Lunch, too, was all that could be desired. Mrs. +Polkington's manners were always gracious, and to-day she had a +charming air of taking Richard into the family--after having shut all +the doors, actual and metaphorical, which led to anything real and +personal. The Captain was rather twittery at lunch, at times inclined +to talk too much, at times heavily silent and always obviously +submissive to his wife. Yesterday's excitement was not enough to +account for this in Julia's opinion. "He has been doing something," +she decided, and wondered what. + +Mrs. Polkington and her daughters all went out that afternoon; Julia, +however, returned at about dusk. As the others had no intention of +coming back so soon, there was no drawing-room tea; a much simpler +meal was spread in the dining-room. Julia and her father had only just +sat down to it when they heard Johnny Gillat's knock at the front +door, followed a minute afterwards by Mr. Gillat himself; but when he +saw that the Captain was not alone, he stopped on the threshold; +Julia's presence, contrary to custom, seemed to discompose him. He, +then, was in her father's secret, whatever it might be; she guessed as +much when she saw his perturbed pink face. However, she did not say +anything, only invited Mr. Gillat to have some tea. + +Johnny sat down, and put a small and rather badly tied parcel beside +him; next minute he picked it up again, and began surreptitiously to +put it into first one pocket and then another. It was rather a tight +fit, and in his efforts to do it unobtrusively, he made some +disturbance, but no one remarked on it; Captain Polkington because he +was too despondent, Julia because it did not seem worth while. +Conversation languished; Julia did what she could, but her father +answered in monosyllables, and Mr. Gillat said, "Very true," or "Ah, +yes, yes," eating slice after slice of thick bread and butter, and +filling his mouth very full as if to cork it up and so prevent his +having to answer awkward questions. + +At last Captain Polkington rose; "Gillat," he said, "if you have +finished, we may as well go down-stairs." + +Johnny set down his half-finished cup of tea with alacrity, and with +alacrity followed the Captain. But Julia followed too; Johnny turned +uneasily as he heard her step behind him on the dark stairs; +doubtless, so he told himself, she was going to the kitchen. She was +not, however; on the contrary, she showed every sign of accompanying +them to the little room behind. + +"Do you want anything, Julia?" her father asked, turning about in the +doorway; "I'm busy to-night--I wish you would go away." + +The sentence began with dignity, but ended with querulousness. But +Julia was not affected; she came into the room. "I want to talk to +you," she said, closing the door. "You had much better tell me about +it, you will be found out, you know; mother would have guessed there +was something wrong to-day if she had not been so busy with Mr. +Frazer." + +"Found out in what?" the Captain demanded; "I should like to know of +what you accuse me--you, my own daughter--this is much, indeed." + +He paced the hearthrug with outraged dignity, but Julia only drew one +of the horse-hair chairs to the table. "You would do better to tell +me," she said; "I might be able to help you--Johnny, won't you sit +down?" + +Johnny took the cane deck-chair, sitting down nervously and so near +the edge that the old chair creaked ominously. Captain Polkington +paced the rug once or twice more, then he sat down opposite, giving up +all pretence of dignity. + +"It is money, of course," Julia went on; "I suppose you lost at the +races yesterday--how much?" + +The Captain did not answer, he seemed overwhelmed by his troubles. +"How much?" Julia repeated, turning to Mr. Gillat. + +"It was rather much," that gentleman answered apologetically. + +Julia looked puzzled. "How could he have much to lose?" she asked. +"You couldn't, you know," bending her brows as she looked at her +father--"unless you borrowed--did you borrow?" + +"Yes, yes," he said, rather eagerly; "I borrowed--that was it; of +course I was going to pay back--I am going to pay back." + +"From whom did you borrow?" Another pause, and the question again, +then the Captain explained confusedly: "The cheque--it came a day +early--I merely meant to make use of it for the day--" + +"The cheque!" Julia repeated, with dawning comprehension. "The cheque +from Slade & Slade that mother was speaking of this morning. Our +cheque, the money we have to live on for the next three months?" + +"My cheque," her father said, with one last effort at dignity; "made +out to me--my income that I have a perfect right to spend as I like; I +used my own money for my own purposes." + +He forgot that a moment back he had excused the act as a borrowing; +Julia did not remind him, she was too much concerned with the facts to +trouble about mere turns of speech. They, like words and motives, had +not heretofore entered much into her considerations; consequences were +what was really important to her--how the bad might be averted, how +the good drawn that way, and all used to the best advantage. This +point of view, though it leaves a great deal to be desired, has one +advantage--those who take it waste no time in lamentation or reproof. +For that reason they are perhaps some of the least unpleasant people +to confess to. + +Julia wasted no words now; she sat for a brief minute, stunned by the +magnitude of the calamity which had deprived them of the largest part +of their income for the next three months; then she began to look +round in her mind to see what might be done. Captain Polkington +offered a few not very coherent explanations and excuses, to which she +did not listen, and then relapsed into silence. Johnny sat opposite, +rubbing his hands in nervous sympathy, and looking from father to +daughter; he took the silence of the one to be as hopeless as that of +the other. + +"We thought," he ventured at last, tugging at the parcel now firmly +wedged in his pocket. "We hoped, that is, we thought perhaps we might +raise a trifle, it wouldn't be much help--" + +But neither of the others were listening to him, and Captain +Polkington interrupted with his own remedy, "We shall have to manage +on credit," he said; "we can get credit for this three months." + +"We can't," Julia assured him; "the greater part of that money was to +have paid outstanding bills; we can't live on credit, because we +haven't got any to live on." + +"That's nonsense," her father said; "it can be done with care and +economy, and retrenchments." + +Julia did not answer, so Johnny took up the words. "Yes, yes," he +said, "one can always retrench; it is really marvellous how little one +can do with, in fact one is better for it; I feel a different man for +having to retrench. Your mother's a wonderful woman"--he stopped, then +added doubtfully as he thought of the lost apple tart--"I suppose, +though, she would want to make a good appearance just now, with the +engagement, Mr. Frazer in and out. It is very unfortunate, very." + +By this time he had untied his parcel, and flattening the paper on his +knees began to put the contents on the table. There were some +field-glasses, a breast pin, and a few other such things; when he had +put them all out he felt in his waistcoat-pocket for his watch. + +"They would fetch a trifle," he said, regarding the row a little +proudly. + +"Those?" Julia asked, puzzled. + +"Yes," Mr. Gillat said; "not a great deal, of course, but it would be +a help--it might pay the butcher's bill. It's a great thing to have +the butcher's bill paid; I've heard my landlady say so; it gives a +standing with the other tradespeople, and that's what you want--she +often says so." + +"You mean you think of selling them for us?" Julia asked, fixing her +keen eyes on Johnny, so that he felt very guilty, and as if he ought +to excuse himself. But before he could do it she had swept his +belongings together. "You won't do anything of the kind," she said. + +"Why not?" + +"Because we won't have it. Pack them up." + +"Oh, but," Johnny protested, "it would be a little help, it would +indeed; they would fetch something, the glasses are good ones, though +a bit old-fashioned, and the watch--" + +"I don't care, I won't have it," and Julia took the matter into her +own hands, and began with a flushed face to re-pack the things +herself. + +"Is it that you think I can't spare them?" Gillat asked, still +bewildered. "I can--what an idea," he laughed. "What do I want with +field-glasses, now? And as to a watch, my time's nothing to me!" + +"No, I dare say not," Julia said, but she tied the parcel firmly, then +she gave it to him. "Take it away," she said, "and don't try to sell a +thing." + +She opened the door as she spoke, and he, accepting it as a hint of +dismissal, meekly followed her from the room. When they had reached +the hall above he ventured on a last protest. "Why may I not sell +anything?" he asked. + +"Because we have not quite come to that," she said, with a ring of +bitterness in her voice: "We have come pretty low, I know, with our +dodges and our shifts, but we haven't quite come to depriving you. +Johnny"--and she stretched out a hand to him, a thing which was rare, +for no one thought it necessary to shake hands with Mr. Gillat--"it's +very good of you to offer; I'm grateful to you; I'm awfully glad you +did it; you made me ashamed." + +Johnny looked at her perplexed; the note of bitterness in her voice +had deepened to something more he was altogether at a loss to +understand. But she gave him no opportunity for inquiry, for she +opened the street door. + +"Good-bye," she said, her usual self again, "and don't you let me +catch you selling those things." + +"Oh, I say! But how will you manage?" he protested. + +"Somehow; I have got several ideas already; I'm better at this sort of +game than you are, you know." + +And she shut the door upon him; then she went back to Captain +Polkington. + +"Father," he said, "would you mind telling me if you have borrowed any +other money? It would be much simpler if we knew just how we stood." + +The Captain seemed to have a painfully clear idea of how he stood. +"Your mother," he remarked, with apparent irrelevance, "is such an +unreasonable woman; if she were like you--if she saw things sensibly. +But she won't, she'll make a fuss; she will entirely overlook the fact +that it is my own money that I have lost." + +"I am afraid she will," Julia agreed. "Will you tell me if you lost +any one else's money as well?" + +"Oh, a trifle," the Captain said; "nothing to speak of yesterday; I +have borrowed a little now and again, at cards and so on; a trifling +accommodation." + +"From whom?" + +"Rawson-Clew." + +Julia nodded; this was bad, but it might have been worse. Mr. +Rawson-Clew was not a personal friend of the Polkingtons, and he was +not a man in an inferior position who might presume upon his loan to +the Captain to establish a friendly footing. On the contrary, he was +in a superior position, so much so that for a moment Julia was at a +loss to understand how he came to accommodate her father. Then she +recalled his face--he had been pointed out to her--he looked a +good-natured fool; probably he had met the Captain somewhere and been +sorry for him, or perhaps he did not like to say "no." In any case he +had lent the money and, so Julia fancied, would have to wait a very +long time before he saw it again. She dismissed the young man from her +mind and fell to working out plans to meet the more pressing +difficulties. + +The relations would have to help; not with money; they would not do +that to a useful extent, but with invitations. Chèrie was easily +provided for; Aunt Louise had before offered to take her abroad for +the winter; Chèrie did not in the least want to go; it was likely to +be nothing nicer than acting as unpaid companion to a fidgety old +lady; but under the present circumstances she would have to go. For +Violet it was not quite so easy; it would look rather odd for her to +go visiting among obliging relatives, seeing that she was only just +engaged--how things looked was a point the Polkingtons always +considered. But it would have to be managed; Julia fancied something +might be arranged at Bath, a place which was a cheap fare from +Marbridge. Mrs. Polkington would probably go somewhere for part of the +time, then there could be some real retrenchments not otherwise +possible. Mary might be dismissed; Mr. Gillat even might come to board +with them for a little; the outside world need not know he was a guest +that paid. + +Julia was not satisfied with these plans; they would barely meet the +difficulty she knew, even with credit stretched to the uttermost and +the household crippled for some time; but she could think of nothing +better, and determined to suggest them to Mrs. Polkington. With these +thoughts in her mind, she went up-stairs; as she passed the +drawing-room, she noticed that the blinds had not been pulled down; +she went to the window to remedy the omission, and so saw in the +street below the young man who, with the debt owing to him, she had +lately dismissed from her mind. There was a street lamp directly below +the window, and she stood a moment by the curtain looking down. Mr. +Rawson-Clew was riding past, but slowly; it was quite possible to see +his face, which did not contradict her former opinion--good-natured +but foolish, and possibly weak. He turned in his saddle just below the +window to speak to his companion, and she noticed that it was a +stranger with him, a man wearing a single eyeglass, ten years older +than the other, and of a totally different stamp. Indeed, of a stamp +differing from any she had seen at Marbridge, so much so that she +wondered how he came to be here, and what he was doing. But this was +rather a waste of time, for the next day she knew. + +The next day he came down the street again, but this time alone and on +foot. He stopped at No. 27, and there asked for Captain Polkington. +Julia, hearing the knock, and the visitor subsequently being ushered +into the dining-room, guessed it must be Mr. Gillat, perhaps come with +his parcel again; when she saw Mary she asked her. + +"No, miss," was the answer; "it's another gentleman to see the +master." + +"Who?" Julia's mind was alert for fresh difficulties. + +"Mr. Rawson-Clew." + +"I don't know who he is," Mary went on; "I've never set eyes on him +before, but he's a grand sort of gentleman; I hardly liked to put him +in the dining-room, only missis's orders was 'Mr. Gillat or any +gentleman to see the master there.'" + +Which was true enough, and might reasonably have been reckoned a safe +order, for no one but Mr. Gillat ever did come to see the Captain. + +"I hope I've done right," Mary said. + +"Quite right," Julia answered, though she did not feel so sure of it. +The name and the vague description of the visitor somehow suggested to +her mind the stranger who had ridden past with young Mr. Rawson-Clew. +She went up-stairs, uneasy as much from intuition as from experience. +In the hall she stood a minute. The dining-room door did not shut too +well, the lock was old and worn, and unless it was fastened carefully, +it came open; the Captain never managed to fasten it, and now it stood +ajar; Julia could hear something of what was said within almost as +soon as she reached the top of the kitchen stairs. The visitor spoke +quietly, his words were not audible, but the Captain's voice was +raised with excitement. + +"The money, sir, the money that your cousin lent--accommodation +between gentlemen--" + +So Julia heard incompletely, and then another disjointed sentence. + +"Do you take me for an adventurer, a sharper? I am a soldier, sir, a +soldier and a gentleman--at least, I was--I mean I was a soldier, I am +a gentleman--" + +Julia came swiftly up the hall, the instinct of the female to spread +frail wings and protect her helpless belongings (old equally as much +as young) was strong upon her. The pushed open the dining-room door +and walked in. + +"Father," she said, "is anything the matter?" + +Both men turned, the stranger clearly surprised and annoyed by the +interruption, the Captain for a moment thinking of pulling himself +together and dismissing his daughter with a lie. But he did not do it; +he was too shaken to think quickly, also there was a sense of +reinforcement in her presence; this he did not realise; indeed, he +realised nothing except that she spoke again before he had collected +himself. + +"Is it about the money Mr. Rawson-Clew lent you?" she asked. + +He nodded, and she turned to the other man, who had risen on her +entrance, and now stood with his back to the evil-smelling stove which +Mary had lighted as usual in honour of Captain Polkington's visitors. +She measured him swiftly, and no detail escaped her; the well-bred +impassive face, where the annoyance caused by her entrance showed only +in the rather hard eyes; the straight figure, even the perfection of +his tailoring and the style of his boots--she summed it all up with +the rapidity of one who has had to depend on her wits before. And her +wits were to be depended on, for, in spite of the warmth of her +protective anger, she felt his superiority of person, position and +ability, and, only too probably, of cause also. She could have laughed +at the contrast he presented to her father and herself and the +surroundings. It was perhaps for this reason that she asked him +maliciously, "Have you come to collect the debt?" + +The question went home. "Certainly not," he answered haughtily; "the +money--" + +But the Captain prevented whatever he was going to say. "He thinks I +am an adventurer, a sharper," he bleated, now thoroughly throwing +himself on his daughter's protection; "his intention seems to be a +warning not to try to get anything more out of his cousin--something +of that sort." + +Julia paid little attention to her father. "You were going to say," +she inquired serenely of Rawson-Clew, "something about the money, I +think?" + +"No," he answered, with cold politeness. "I only meant to suggest +that this is perhaps rather an unpleasant subject for a lady." + +He moved as if he would open the door for her, but she stood her +ground. "It is unpleasant," she said; "for that reason had we not +better get it over quickly? You have not come to collect the debt, you +have come, then, for what?" + +"To make one or two things plain to Captain Polkington. I believe I +have succeeded; if so, he will no doubt tell you anything you wish to +know. Good afternoon," and he moved to the door on his own account, +whereupon Julia's calmness gave way. + +"You do think my father an adventurer, then?" she said. "You think him +a sharper and your cousin a gull, and you came to warn him that if he +tried to get anything more in future it was you with whom he would +have to deal. And the money--you were going to say the money was not +what you came for because you never expected to see it again? But you +are wrong there; you shall see it; it will be repaid, every penny of +it." + +Rawson-Clew paused till she had finished; then, "I am sorry for any +misunderstanding there may have been," he said. "I trust you will +trouble yourself no farther in the matter," and he opened the door. + +It was not a denial; it was not, so Julia considered, even an apology; +to her it seemed more like a polite request to mind her own business, +and she went up to her room after he had gone almost unjustly angry, +too angry for the time being to think about the rashness of her +promise that the debt should be paid. + +"He thought us dirt," she said, sitting on the end of her narrow iron +bed. Then she smiled rather grimly. "And we are pretty much what he +thought us! Father sponged the money, and I decided to myself that the +repaying did not much matter. We are, as we looked to him, two grubby +little people of doubtful honesty, in a grubby room with Bouquet," and +she laughed outright, although she was alone, and the faculty for +seeing and deriding herself as others might, had a somewhat bitter +flavour. Nevertheless, she was very angry and quite determined to pay +the money somehow, so that at least it should appear to this man that +he was mistaken. + +An hour later she carried Captain Polkington's tea down to him; when +tea was in the drawing-room his was always sent to him thus. She found +him not depressed at all, on the contrary quite cheerful, and even +dignified. He was reading something when she came in, and seeing that +she was alone, he handed it to her. It was from Mr. Rawson-Clew she +found, a sort of recognition of the discharge of the debt, or at least +a formal cancelling of it. It was carefully and conclusively worded, +certainly not the unaided work of the young man who had ridden past +last night. It was dictated by the other, she was sure of it; possibly +even he had himself discharged the debt so as to end the matter. Her +eyes blazed as she read; he would not even allow her the satisfaction +of giving him the lie--and the misery of straining and pinching to do +the impossible. From pride, or from pity, or from both, he had +finished the thing there and then, or he thought he had. She tore the +paper across and then across again. + +"What are you doing?" Captain Polkington cried, seizing her hands as +she would have torn it again. "Don't you know it is valuable? I must +keep it; he can't go back on it if he wants to." He took it from her, +and began to piece it together. "I can look the world in the face +again," he said, admiring the fragments. "I am free, free and cleared; +that debt would have hung like a millstone around my neck, but I am +free of it; it is cancelled." + +"Free!" Julia said with scorn. There are disadvantages in reducing a +man to a subordinate position and allowing him no use for his +self-respect; it is a virtue that has a tendency to atrophy. Julia +recognised this with something like personal shame. "Your debt is +discharged," she said gently, "but mine is not; it has been shifted, +not cancelled; it lies with me and Mr. Rawson-Clew now, and it shall +be paid somehow." + +Captain Polkington hardly heeded what she said; he was still smoothing +the pieces of paper. "What?" he asked, as he put them away in an +envelope, but he did not wait for her answer. "It was very heedless of +you to tear it," he said; "but fortunately there is no damage done; it +is perfectly valid, all that can be required." + + + + +CHAPTER III + +NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS AZUREUM + + +The _élite_ called to congratulate Mrs. Polkington on her daughter's +engagement. All manner of pleasant things were said by them and by +Mrs. Polkington in an atmosphere of social sunshine. She thought it so +nice of them to come so soon, she told them so severally; she knew +that they--"you all," "you, at least," "you, my oldest friend," +according to circumstances--would be pleased to hear about it. She +gave sundry little hints of future plans and hopes, among other things +mentioned that it really was hard for poor Violet to have to go and +cheer an invalid cousin just now. + +"And the worst of it is," so Mrs. Polkington said, "she may have to be +away some time. There really seems no one else to go, and one could +not leave the poor dear alone at this dull time of the year; and, +after all, Bath is not very far off; some of Richard's people live +there, too. I should not be surprised if the young people contrive to +see a good deal of each other in spite of everything. Indeed, had I +not thought so, I think I should have insisted on Chèrie's going +instead of Violet, although she would have had to give up her winter +abroad." + +Here the visitor usually made polite inquiries about this same winter +abroad, and heard of a delightful prospect of several months to be +spent in the south of France, unnecessary and unpleasant details all +omitted. + +"You do agree with me?" Mrs. Polkington would then ask rather +anxiously, as if her hearer's opinion was the one that really mattered +to her. "You do think it wrong to allow Chèrie to refuse this +invitation for Violet's sake? I am very glad you think so. I had quite +a difficulty in persuading her; but, as I told her, it was not a +chance she was likely to have again. So she is going, and Violet will +have to spend her winter in Bath. Julia? Oh, Julia was not asked in +either case; she will be staying at home with me." + +From all of which it is clear that part of Julia's plan was to be +adopted. The other part must have found favour, too, for soon it +became known that the Polkingtons were without a servant. Mrs. +Polkington made inquiries among her friends, but could not hear of any +one suitable; she said it was very tiresome, especially as they had +taken advantage of the girl's empty room to invite an old Anglo-Indian +friend of her husband's to stay. + +Thus was the difficulty tided over, and with so good a face that few +in Marbridge had any idea that it existed. Certainly none knew of the +pinching and screwing and retrenching which went on indoors at No. 27. +One or two tradesmen could have told of long accounts unpaid, and some +relations living at a distance were troubled by appeals for help, a +form of begging which, at this date of their history did not hurt the +Polkingtons' sensibility much. + +Mrs. Polkington suffered in body, if not in mind, during this hard +time, though fortunately she was able to be away a month. The Captain +suffered a good deal more, which was perhaps only just; and Johnny +Gillat suffered with him, which was not just, though that did not seem +to occur to him. As for Julia, she minded least of any one, though in +some ways she had the most to put up with; but the plan was hers, and +consequently she was too interested in its success to trouble about +the inevitable discomforts of the working out. + +There was one matter which did trouble her, however--the debt to +Rawson-Clew. She had no money, and no possibility of raising any; yet +it must and should be paid, for her father's name could not otherwise +be cleared. She turned over in her own mind how she could earn enough, +but there was little hope of that; it seemed rather a large sum for a +girl to earn, and any sum was impossible to her; she had no gifts to +take to market, no ability for any of the arts, not enough education +for teaching, no training for commerce. The only field open to her was +that of a nursery-governess or companion; neither was likely to enable +her to pay this debt of honour quickly. Once, nearly a year ago, she +had had a sort of half-offer of the post of companion. It was while +she was staying with a friend; during the visit there had come to the +house an old Dutchman of the name of Van Heigen, a business +acquaintance of her host. He had stayed nearly a week, and in that +time taken a great fancy to her. + +In those first bad days after the Captain's leaving the army, the +Polkingtons had lived, or perhaps more accurately, drifted about, a +good deal abroad. It was then that Julia picked up her only +accomplishment, a working knowledge of several languages. She had also +acquired one other thing, perhaps not an accomplishment, a rather +unusual knowledge of divers men and divers ways. It may have been that +these qualities made her more attractive to the old Dutchman than the +purely English game-expert daughters of the house. Or it may have been +her admirable cooking; the cook was ill during the greater part of her +visit, and her offer to help was gladly accepted and duly +appreciated. Something, at all events, pleased the old man, so that +before he left he asked her, half in fun, if she would come and live +with his wife. This lady, it seemed, had bad health, and no daughters; +she always had a companion of some sort, and was never satisfied with +the one she had. In Holland, as in England, it seemed posts were not +easy to fill satisfactorily, for those often in want of employment +were also constitutionally inefficient. + +At the time Julia had laughingly refused the offer, now she recalled +it, and thought seriously about it. It would not be very nice, a +mixture of upper servant and lady help; the Van Heigens were bulb +growers, old-fashioned people, the lady a thorough _huisvrouw_, +nothing more probably. Still that did not matter; such things need not +be considered if the end could be attained that way. But unfortunately +it did not look very likely; the Van Heigens would pay less to a +companion than English people would, not enough to buy clothes; there +was practically nothing to be made out of it. Julia was obliged to +admit the fact to herself, and reluctantly to dismiss the Dutchman and +his offer from her thoughts. + +But curiously enough, they were brought to her mind again before long; +not later, indeed, than that evening, when she went to a dance at a +neighbour's house. At this dance she met a Mr. Alexander Cross. He was +not a native of Marbridge, not at all like any of them; it is quite +possible that they would have rather looked down upon him; Julia +recognised that he barely came up to her mother's standard of a +gentleman. He seemed to be a keen business man of the energetic new +sort; he also seemed to deal in most things, flowers among them. He +told Julia something about that part of his business, for he and it +interested her so much that she asked him leading questions. He +explained how the beautiful orchid he wore in his coat had decreased +in value lately. A few years ago, when there had been but one specimen +with just that marking in all the world, the plant had sold for £900; +now that it had been multiplied it was worth only £25, nothing +practically. + +"It was a novelty then," he explained; "some novelties are worth a +great deal. There's one I know of now I could do some good business +with if I could get hold of it. But I can't; the old fool that's got +it won't sell it for any price, and he can't half work it himself. +It's a blue daffodil--Narcissus Triandrus Azureum he calls it; or +rather, to give it its full title, Narcissus Triandrus Azureum Vrouw +Van Heigen; so called, I believe, in honour of his wife, or his +mother." + +Julia wondered if the Van Heigen who owned the precious flower was the +old Dutchman of her acquaintance. "Is he a bulb grower?" she asked, +though without giving any reason for her question. + +"Yes," Cross answered, "a Dutch bulb grower; that's why he won't make +the profit he might; he comes of generations of growers, and they +venerate their bulbs. He has cranky notions of how things ought to be +done, and no other way will do for him." + +"How did he get a blue daffodil? Do you think it is real? It seems +very unusual." + +"It is unusual; that's where the value comes in; but it's real fast +enough, though I don't believe he grew the first, as he says, in his +own garden. It's my opinion that one of his collectors sent him the +first bulb; he has collectors all over the world, you know, looking +for new things." + +"What is he going to do with it?" Julia asked. + +"He is multiplying it at present; at first he had only one, now, of +course, he has a few more; when he has got enough he will hybridise. +You don't know what that is. Cross-breed with it; use the blue with +the old yellow daffodil as parents to new varieties. That's ticklish +work; growers can't afford to do it till they have a fair number of +the new sort; but, of course, they occasionally get something good +that way." + +Julia listened, much interested, though, to tell the truth, the money +value of the thing fascinated her more than anything else. + +"Will he never sell any of his blue bulbs?" she asked. + +"Oh, yes, in time," Cross answered; "but not while they are worth +anything much to the growers." + +"What are they worth? I mean, what would it be worth if there was only +one?" + +"I don't know; I dare say I could get £400 for the single bulb." + +"But if there were more they would not be worth so much? If there were +five, what would they be worth?" + +"Pretty well as much, very likely £300 for one bulb. Van Heigen would +give a written guarantee with it not to sell another bulb to another +grower." + +"But he could keep the others himself?" Julia asked. "That would be +eating his cake and having it too. Tell me," she said, feeling she was +imitating the Patriarch when he was pleading for Sodom and Gomorrah, +"if there were ten bulbs, what could you get for one." + +Cross was amused by her interest. "A hundred pounds, I dare say," he +said; "but I shall never have the chance. The trade will never touch +those blue daffodils while they are worth having. When the old man +does begin to sell them--when they are worth very little to the +growers--he will sell to collectors, cranky old connoisseurs, from +choice. That's what I mean when I say he doesn't understand business +as business; he would rather sell his precious blue daffodils where +they were what he calls 'appreciated.' He would sooner they went for a +moderate price to people who would worship them, than make an enormous +profit out of them." + +"But the connoisseurs could sell them," Julia objected. "If I were a +connoisseur and bought one when they were for sale, I could sell it to +you if I liked." + +"Yes, but you wouldn't," Cross said; "if you were a connoisseur you +would not dream of parting with your bulb. You wouldn't have the +slightest wish to make a hundred per cent. on your purchase, or two or +three hundred either. Also I shouldn't buy." + +"Why not?" + +"I couldn't afford to have my name mixed up with the business." + +Julia looked at him critically. "You could afford that the business +should be done without your name?" she suggested. + +He laughed. "I could introduce the seller, did such an impossible +person exist, to some one who could buy." + +It was Julia's turn to laugh, that soundless laugh of hers which gave +the feeling of a joke only half shared. "For a consideration, of +course," she said. + +"Something would naturally stick to my fingers," Cross answered, +amused rather than offended. + +He was a good deal amused by his partner, finding her more interesting +than most of the girls he met that evening; afterwards he forgot her, +for two days later he left the place, and thought no more either about +Miss Polkington or the talk he had had with her. + +As for her, it was not clear what she thought, but the next day she +wrote to London for a second-hand Dutch dictionary, and then went to +call at the house with the largest library that she knew. When she +came away from there she carried with her a book she had borrowed, a +Dutch version of _Gil Blas_, which she remembered to have once seen +tucked away in a corner. Shortly afterwards, as soon as the dictionary +came, she set to reading the edifying work, and found it easier than +she expected. What one learns from necessity in childhood stays in the +memory, and a good knowledge of German and a smallish one of Dutch +will carry one through greater difficulties than _Gil Blas_. + +Before her mother and sisters came back to Marbridge, Julia had +written to the old Dutchman. + +When Mrs. Polkington heard Julia wanted to go to Holland and live in a +Dutch family she was surprised. This news was not given to her till +the spring had fairly set in, for it was not till then that Julia had +been able to get everything arranged. It is no use telling people your +plans unless you are quite sure of carrying them out, and you are +never sure of that long before starting; at least, that was Julia's +opinion. It was also her opinion that it was quite unnecessary to tell +all details. She said she was tired of being at Marbridge, and wanted +a complete change; also that when there were three grown-up sisters at +home it seemed rather desirable that one should go away, for a time at +least. When Violet suggested that it was odd to have chosen Holland in +preference to France or Germany, she replied truthfully that the one +was possible to her, the others were not. + +Mrs. Polkington, who quite approved of the plan, saw no objection to +Holland, adding as a recommendation, "It is so much more original to +go there." She did not fail to remark on the originality when she +embroidered Julia's going to her friends and acquaintances. + +Captain Polkington was the only member of the family who regretted +this going. He had always regarded Julia as something between an ally +and a tolerant go-between; and since she had wrung from him the +confession of his difficulties, and helped in the arrangement of them, +his feeling for her had leaned more and more towards the former. He +had even come to feel a certain protectiveness in her presence, which +made him really sorry she was going. Johnny Gillat was sorrier still. + +Johnny had gone back to dismal lodgings in town now; he only heard of +the plan by letter, and the Captain's letters were very prolix, and +not informing. Mr. Gillat's own letters were even worse, for if they +lacked the prolixity, they lacked the little information also. On +receipt of the Captain's information he merely wrote to ask when Julia +was going, and what time she would be in London, as he would like to +give himself the pleasure of meeting her train. + +He did give himself that pleasure; he was at the station half an hour +and ten minutes before the train, so as to be sure of being in time. +He was on the platform when the train came in; Julia saw him, a rather +ridiculous figure, his shabby coat tremendously brushed and tightly +buttoned, a gay tie displayed to the uttermost to hide a ragged shirt +front, his round, pink face, with its little grizzled moustache, +wearing a look of melancholy which made it appear more than ordinarily +foolish. He was standing where the part of the train which came from +Marbridge could not possibly stop, much in the way of porters and +trucks; Julia had to find him and find her luggage too, but he seemed +to think he was of much service. Julia's hard young heart smote her +when he gave twopence to her porter. + +"Johnny," she said, as he took her ticket on the District Railway, "I +am going to pay for my ticket." + +It was only threepence, but there are people who have to consider the +threepences; if Julia was one, she knew that Mr. Gillat was another, +and she had allowed for this threepence, and he probably had not. He +demurred, but she insisted. "Then I won't let you come with me;" and +he gave way. + +They were alone in a compartment, and he shouted above the rattle of +the train something about her being missed at Marbridge. + +"Oh, no," she said, "mother and the girls think it is a good thing I +am going." + +"Your father and I will miss you," Johnny told her. + +"You?" + +"Yes; I'll miss you very much--we both shall; we shall sit +down-stairs, each side of the fire-place, and think how you used to +come there sometimes. And when I wait in the dining-room when your +father's not at home, I'll remember how you used to come down there +and chat. We had many a chat, didn't we?--you and me, and Bouquet +burning between us--there was nobody could trim Bouquet like you. But +perhaps you'll be back before winter comes round again?" + +"I don't know when I shall be back," was all Julia could find to say. +The idea of being missed like this was new and strange to her; the +Polkingtons' feelings were so much guided by what was advisable, or +expedient, that there was not usually much room for simple emotions. +She felt somehow grateful to Johnny for caring a little that she was +going, though at the same time she was unpleasantly convinced that she +did not deserve it. + +"It won't be at all the same at No. 27," Mr. Gillat was saying. "Your +mother--she's a wonderful woman, a wonderful woman, and Miss Violet's +a fine girl, so's the other, handsome both of them; but they're in +the drawing-room, you know, and you--you used to come down-stairs." + +It did not sound very explicit, but Julia understood what he meant. +Just then the train stopped at a station, and other passengers got in, +so they had little more talk. + +In time they reached Mark Lane, from whence it is no great walk to the +Tower Stairs. There is a cheap way of going to Holland from there for +those who do not mind spending twenty-four hours on the journey; Julia +did not mind. When she and Johnny Gillat arrived at the Tower Stairs +they saw the steamer lying in the river, a small Dutch boat, still +taking in cargo from loaded lighters alongside. A waterman put them on +board, or, rather, took them to the nearest waiting lighter, from +whence they scrambled on board, Mr. Gillat very unhandily. A Dutch +steward received them, and taking Johnny for a father come to see his +daughter off, assured them in bad English that she would be quite +safe, and well taken care of. + +"She shall haf one cabin to herself, a bed clean. Yes, yes; there is +no passenger but one, a Holland gentleman; he will not speak with the +miss, he is friend of captain." + +Johnny nodded a great many times, though he did not quite follow what +was said. Then Julia told him he had better go, and not keep the +waterman any longer. + +He agreed, and began fumbling in his pocket, from whence he pulled out +one of his badly-tied parcels. + +"A keepsake," he said, putting it into her hand; then, without waiting +to say good-bye, he scrambled over the side in such a hurry that he as +nearly as possible fell into the river. + +Julia ran to the side in some anxiety; some one shouted, "Look out," +and some one else, "Hold up," and a third something less +complimentary. Then a man laid hold of Mr. Gillat's legs and guided +him safely on to the bobbing lighter. There he turned and waved his +hat to Julia before he got into the waiting boat. + +"Good-bye," he called. + +"Good-bye," she answered. "Oh, do be careful!" + +He was not careful, but the waterman had him now, and took him ashore. +She watched him, his round face was suffused with smiles; he waved his +hat once more just as he reached the stairs. He slipped once getting +up them, but he was up now, and turned to wave once before he started +down the street. + +It was not till then that Julia became aware of a small sound close at +hand; there was a good deal of noise going on, shouting, the rattling +of cranes, and the thud of shifting bales, with now and then the hoot +of a steamer and the escape of steam, and under all, the restless +lapping of the water. But through it all she now heard a much smaller +sound quite close, a regular _tick_, _tick_. She glanced at the parcel +she had forgotten, then in an instant, as a sudden idea occurred to +her, she had the paper off. Yes, it was. It was Johnny's great +old-fashioned gold watch, with the fetter chain dangling at the end. + +She stood quite still with the thing in her hand, her mouth set +straight, and her eyes growing glitteringly bright. The round gilded +face stared up at her, reminding her in some grotesque way of Johnny; +poor, generous, honest, foolish old Johnny! She looked away quickly, a +sudden desire not to go with this moon-faced companion took possession +of her--a desire not to go at all, a horrible new-born doubt about it. + +But feelings for abstract right and wrong, like personal likes and +dislikes, do not grow strongly where expediency and advisability and +advantage have to rule; she was only going to do what she must in +Holland; the debt must be paid, honour demanded no less; the blue +daffodil was the only hope of paying it. She was not going to steal a +bulb exactly; she was going to get it somehow, as a gift, perhaps, +opportunity must show how; and when it was hers, she could do with it +as she pleased, there was no wrong in that. She must go; she must do +it; the thing was so necessary as to be unavoidable, and not open to +question. She looked down, and her eye fell on the watch again; it +stared up at her in the same vacant way as Johnny had done that day +when he wanted to sell it and his other things to help them out of +their justly earned, sordid difficulties. With shame she had prevented +that, feeling the cause unworthy of the sacrifice. But this sacrifice, +for a still more unworthy cause, she was too late to prevent. Johnny +had gone. She looked earnestly to see if he was among those who +loitered about the stairs, or those in the more distant street. But +she could not see him, he was gone clean from sight; there was only +the busy, unfamiliar life of the river around; yellow, sunlit water; +the crowded craft, and the great stately wonder of the Tower Bridge +silently raising and parting its solid roadway to let some boat go, as +she would soon go down to the sea. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +THE OWNER OF THE BLUE DAFFODIL + + +Vrouw Snieder, the notary's wife, sat by her window at work on a long +strip of red crochet lace. From her place she could see all who came +up the street, and, there being a piece of looking-glass set outside, +at right angles to the pane, also most who came down it. This, though +doubtless very informing, did not help the progress of the lace; but +that was of no consequence, Mevrouw always had some red lace in +making, and it might as well be one piece as another. With her, were +her two daughters, Denah and Anna, though Anna had no business there, +being supposed just then to be preparing vegetables for dinner. She +had only come into the room to fetch keys, but a remark from her +mother brought her to the window. + +"There goes Vrouw Van Heigen's English miss," the old lady said, and +both her daughters looked at once. + +"She has been marketing, I see; she seems a good housewife." + +"She walks in the road," Denah observed critically; "It is so +conspicuous, I could not do it; besides, one might be run over." + +"The English always walk in the road," her sister answered; "they +think everything will get out of their way, and they do not at all +mind being conspicuous." + +"The English miss should mind," Denah said, "for she is not pretty; no +one looks at her to admire; besides she is poor and has to work +hard." + +"Yes, yes," her mother agreed placidly; "she is a fine worker. Vrouw +Van Heigen is full of her praises; such a cook--she has twenty new +dishes, and everything is done quickly, one cannot tell how; it is +like having a magician in the house, so she says. Ah, there is Herr +Van de Greutz's Marthe going into the apothecary's. I wonder now--" + +But her daughters were not interested in Marthe; the English girl at +the Van Heigens' interested them a great deal more. They continued to +talk about her a great deal afterwards, Denah going back with her +sister to the kitchen and the vegetables, so as to be able to do so +undisturbed. + +"I will help you with these," she said; "then we can go out." + +She sat down and took up a knife. "It is strange how much Vrouw Van +Heigen thinks of that girl," she said. "She has been there but one +month and already there is no one like her. She does not keep her in +her place very well; were she a daughter more could not be said. I +wonder how Mijnheer likes it." + +"It was Mijnheer who engaged her," Anna said. "It is not likely that +he regrets. I hear that she has written some English letters for him +since one of the clerks has been ill. My father says she can cook like +a Frenchwoman, and that is something. As for Joost, it is surely of +little importance to him, he is too quiet to say anything to her; she +talks little; she must be shy." + +Denah had nothing to say to this, although, seeing in which person her +own interest in the Van Heigens lay, she possibly found some comfort +in the assurance. After a little she remarked, "That girl has no +accomplishments; she is as old-fashioned as our Aunt Barje, a +_huisvrouw_, no more. It is strange, for the English women make fun +of us for this, and pretend that they are educated and advanced above +us; she is not, she can do nothing but speak a few languages; she +cannot sing nor play, she has read no science, she cannot draw, nor +model in wax, nor make paper flowers, nor do bead work; she could not +even crochet till I showed her how. I wonder if she has made any +progress with the pattern I gave her. Shall we go and see by and by? I +might set her right if she is in a difficulty, and we could at the +same time inquire after Mevrouw's throat; she had a weakness, I +noticed, on Tuesday." + +Anna agreed; she was a most obliging sister, and a while later they +set out together for the Van Heigens' house. They did not walk in the +wide, clean road, but were careful to keep to the path, pausing a +moment to consult before starting for the other side when it was +necessary to cross over. + +The Van Heigens' house stood on the outskirts of the town, a long way +back from the road. The bulb garden lay all round it, though +immediately in front was a lawn so soft and green that no one ever +walked on it. The house was of wood, painted white, and had a +high-pitched roof of strange, dark-coloured tiles; a canal lay on two +sides, which ought to have made it damp, but did not. + +Vrouw Van Heigen was pleased to see the girls, and received them with +an effusiveness which might have suggested that a longer time than +four days had elapsed since they last met. She kissed them on both +cheeks, and led them in by the hand; she asked particularly how they +were, and how their mother was, and how their father was, and if they +were not very tired with their walk, and would they not have +lemonade--yes, they must have lemonade. "Julia, Julia," she called, +"bring lemonade, bring glasses and the lemonade." + +Julia came from a little room which led off the sitting-room, carrying +the things required on a papier-maché tray. She wore a large, +blue-print apron, for she had been shelling shrimps when she was +called, and though she stayed to wash her hands, she did not think it +necessary to remove her apron. She had observed it to be the custom +hereabouts to wear an apron of some sort all day long, and she did not +differentiate between the grades of aprons as Denah and Anna did. She +set down the tray and shook hands ceremoniously with the sisters and +made all the proper inquiries in the properest way; she had also +observed that to be the custom of the place. Then she poured out the +lemonade and handed it round, and was afterwards sent to fetch a glass +for herself and a little round tray to set it on--every one had a +little tray for fear of spoiling the crimson plush table-cover. Julia +cannot be said to have been anxious for lemonade; Vrouw Van Heigen's +growing affection for her often found expression in drinks at odd +times, a good deal more often than she appreciated. On this occasion, +since she was doing the pouring out herself, she was able to get off +with half a glass. + +They all sat round the table and talked; Julia talked a great deal the +least, but that did not matter, the others had so much to say. She +listened, admiring the way in which one little incident--a dog running +on the tram line and being called off just in time by its +owner--served them for a quarter of an hour. What economy of ideas it +was, and how little strain to make conversation! Then came Mevrouw's +throat, the little hoarseness Denah had noticed on Tuesday. It was +nothing, the good lady declared, she had not felt it. Oh, if they +insisted on noticing it, she would own to a weakness but no more than +was usual to her when the dust was about, and truly the dust was +terrible now, she could not remember when it had been so bad so early +in June. And so on, and so on, until they somehow came round to +crochet lace, when Julia was obliged to confess that she had not made +much progress with the pattern. She exhibited a very small piece with +several mistakes in it. + +"Why," cried Denah, "I have done already almost half a metre of the +piece I began at the same time. Is it difficult for you?" + +Julia said it was, and Vrouw Van Heigen added by way of apology for +her, that she had been busy making a cool morning dress. + +"For yourself?" Anna asked. "Do you make your dresses?" + +"This is for Mevrouw," Julia answered; "but I can make my own." + +The Polkingtons had had to, and also to put an immense amount of +thought and work into it, because they were bound to get a fine effect +for a small expense, and that is not possible without a large outlay +of time and consideration. Julia did not explain this to the present +company, it would have been rather incomprehensible to them. + +Anna was at once fired with a desire to make herself a cool morning +dress, and asked a dozen questions as to how, while Denah's busy +fingers undid the faulty crochet work, and her tongue explained the +mistakes. Mevrouw did not listen much to either, but noticing the +glasses were empty, pressed the visitors in vain to have more +lemonade. They refused, and finding them quite obdurate she toddled +into the little room where Julia had been doing the shrimps, to come +back again, bearing a large bladder-covered bottle of peach-brandy. +The girls declined this very firmly, but Julia was sent for more +glasses, and soon they were all sipping the rich flavoured liqueur +without protestation. + +It was over this that they planned an expedition to the wood. No one +knew quite who suggested it; when people all talk at once it is not +easy to say who originates an idea; anyhow, it was agreed that the +weather was so dry and the trees so lovely and Mevrouw so seldom went +out. She really felt--did she not?--that she would enjoy making a +small excursion, she was so wonderfully well--for her. What did Anna +think her mother would say? Perhaps they might join together for a +drive? + +Anna thought her mother would be delighted; indeed, she often spoke of +the charms of a country excursion; Denah was called upon to +corroborate, and did so volubly. Where should they go? Half-a-dozen +different places were suggested; why not go here, or there, or to the +wood? Yes, the wood, that would be lovely. They could take their tea +out; if they were well wrapped up, of course, protected from the damp +and the wind, might it not be possible? + +So by degrees the plan was brought to the first stage. Denah and Anna +were to talk it over with their mother, and if she thought favourably +of it, then "we must see." By that time Denah had set the crochet work +quite straight, and with kisses and hand-shakings the visitors +departed. Julia went back to the little room where first she washed +the glasses that had been used, afterwards she finished the shrimps +and washed them and put them ready for supper in a china dish like a +large soap dish on three feet. When that was done, it was necessary to +lay the table for dinner and superintend the getting of that meal. + +The Van Heigens dined at four. It had taken Julia all the month she +had been with them to in any way get used to that time. Mijnheer and +the only son, Joost, came in from the office for two hours then. The +office joined the house and the great dim orderly bulb barns joined +the office, so the father and son had not far to come in whichever +place they might be. Julia and Mevrouw fetched the food from the +kitchen and cleared the table, as well as getting their own meal; but +that was nothing when you were used to it, any more than was the +curious butter and nutmeg sauce that always seemed to play a part at +dinner. + +Mijnheer had a good deal to say to Julia, principally about his +business. The letters she had written for him during the illness of +the clerk who usually did his English correspondence, had given her +some little insight into it. This she had profited by, being in the +first instance really interested, and, in the second, not slow to see +that the old man, far from resenting it, had been pleased. He talked a +good deal about his affairs now, giving her little bits of information +and explaining rather proudly his method of doing business, and his +father's and his grandfather's before him. Joost, as usual, said +little or nothing; he must have been five or six and twenty, but he +had hardly ever left the parental roof, and was usually so hard at +work that he had little time or inclination for frivolity. He had +earnest child-like blue eyes that Julia did not care to look at, any +more than she did the round yellow face of Mr. Gillat's watch. This +was rather a pity as she could not always avoid it, and certainly he +looked at her a good deal, in fact whenever he thought he was not +observed. Of course he always was observed, by her at least; that was +a foregone conclusion; the observation gave her some uneasiness. + +After dinner the father and son went to sit on the veranda, and +Mevrouw helped Julia take the dishes into the white marble kitchen and +the glasses into the little off-room. Later, Julia came to sit on the +veranda, too--it was somewhat stuffy being all closed in with glass +windows. There they drank pale tea, the pot kept simmering on a +spirit-stove, and read the foreign papers which had just come. Mevrouw +did not read, she made tea and did crochet work, a strip like Vrouw +Snieder's, only yellow instead of red. Julia, it is to be feared, did +not try to master the pattern so kindly set right by Denah; she could +not resist the breath from the outside world which the papers brought. + +At six o'clock Mijnheer and his son went back to the office, and +Julia, having washed the tea-cups, joined Mevrouw in the sitting-room. +It was never very light in that room, for the walls were covered with +a crimson flock paper and the woodwork was black; while the windows, +which looked on the canal, were always shaded till dark. They sat here +at work on the morning gown, till supper time. Mijnheer sometimes came +in an hour before supper, as early as half-past eight; Joost had +usually too much to do to come in before half-past nine. After supper, +when the things were cleared away, they had prayers; Mijnheer read a +chapter from the Bible, and they sat round the table and listened, and +afterwards he said, "Now we will pray," and they sat a while in +silence. Julia sat, too, her keen, observing eyes cast down and a +curious stillness about her. After that every one went to bed; Julia +and the maidservant had two little rooms right up in the eaves of the +house; the family slept on the floor below. Julia was glad of this, +though it was possible to imagine her room would be very hot in summer +and very cold in winter. But she was glad to be well above the +sleeping house, and to be able to look from her window across the wide +country, over the dark bulb gardens--laid out like a Chinese puzzle +with their eight-foot hedges--to the lights of the town on the one +hand, and, better still, to the dim curve of the Dunes on the other. +It is to be feared she sometimes spent a longer time at her window +than was wise, seeing the early hour at which she had to rise; but no +one was troubled by it, for she was careful to take off her shoes +first thing; the rooms were unceiled, and it was necessary to tread +lightly if one would not disturb people below. + +On the day after that of Anna and Denah's visit, Herr Van Heigen +offered to show Julia the bulb barns. It was a Saturday, and so after +dinner, the workmen having all gone home, there was no one about and +she could ascend the steep barn ladders without any suffering in her +modesty. At least that was what Mijnheer thought; Julia, her modesty +being of a very serviceable order, may have given the matter less +consideration, but she accepted the offer. + +The barns were very large and high, many of them three storeys and +each storey lofty. The light inside was dim, a sort of dun colour, and +the air very dry and full of a strange, not unpleasant smell. +Everything was as clean as clean could be; no litter, no dirt, the +floor nicely swept, the shelves that ran all round and rose, tier upon +tier, in an enormous stand that occupied the whole centre of the +place, all perfectly orderly. On the shelves the bulbs lay, every one +smooth and clean and dry, sorted according to kind and quality; +Mijnheer knew them all; he could, like a book-lover with his books, +put his hand upon any that he wished in the dark. It seemed to Julia +that there were hundreds upon hundreds of different sorts. Not only +hyacinths and tulips and such well-known ones in endless sizes and +varieties, but little roots with six and seven syllable names she had +never heard before, and big roots, too, and strange cornery roots, a +never-ending quantity. + +Mijnheer told her they were not yet all in; many were in the ground +and had still to be lifted. This she knew, for she had seen the dead +tops of some in the little enclosed squares where they grew; from her +bedroom window, too, she saw others still in bloom--a patch, the size +of a tennis-lawn squared, of scarlet ranunculous, little blood-red +rosettes, sheltered by a high close-clipped hedge. And another patch +of iris hispanica, fairy flowers of palest gold and lavender, +quivering at the top of their grey-green stalks like tropical +dragon-flies hovering over a field of growing oats. These it seemed, +and many others, would be brought in by and by, then the great barns +would be really full. Mijnheer took up a root here and there, telling +her something of the history of each; explaining how the narcissus +increased and the tulips grew; showing her hyacinth bulbs cut in +half-breadthways with all the separate severed layers distended by +reason of the growing and swelling of the seeds between. + +"Each little seed will be a bulb by and by," he said, "but not yet. +When we cut the root first, we set it in the ground and these begin to +grow and become in time as you see them now. Afterwards they grow +bigger and bigger till their parent can no longer contain them." + +"Does it take long for them to grow full size?" Julia asked. + +"It takes five years to grow the finest hyacinth bulbs," Mijnheer +answered, "but inferior ones are more quick. And when the bulb is +grown, there is one bloom--fine, magnificent, a truss of +flowers--after that it deteriorates, it is, one may say, over. Ah, but +it is magnificent while it is there! There is no flower like the +hyacinth; had I my way, I would grow nothing else, but people will not +have them now. They must have novelties. 'Give us narcissus,' they +say; 'they are so graceful'--I do not see the grace--'Or iris'--well, +some are fine, I allow, but they do not last in bloom as do hyacinths. +The mourn iris of Persia is very beautiful; we have not one flowering +yet, but we shall have by and by. I will show you then; you will think +it very handsome. When it blooms I go to it in the morning and dust +the sand from the petals. I feel that I can reverence that flower; it +is most beautiful." + +"Is it very scarce?" Julia asked. + +"Somewhat," Mijnheer answered; "but we have things that are more so, +we have many novelties so called. Ah, but we have one novelty that is +a true one, it is a wonder, it has no price, it is priceless!" He drew +a deep breath of almost awed pride. "It is the greatest rarity that +has ever been reared in Holland, a miracle, in fact--a blue daffodil!" + +Julia refrained from mentioning that she had heard of the rarity +before; she leaned against the centre stand and listened while the old +man grew eloquent, with the eloquence of the connoisseur, not the +tradesman, over his treasure. There was no need for her to say much, +only to put a question here and there, or make a sympathetic comment; +with little or no effort she learned a good deal about the wonderful +bulb. It seemed that it really had been grown in the Van Heigens' +gardens, and not imported from Asia, as Mr. Cross thought. There were +six roots by this time; not so many as had been hoped and expected, it +did not increase well, and was evidently going to be difficult to +grow. + +"Would you like to know the name which it will immortalise?" the old +man asked at last. "It is called Narcissus Triandrus Azurem Vrouw Van +Heigen." + +"You named it in honour of Mevrouw, I suppose?" Julia said. + +"I did not; Joost did." + +"Mijnheer Joost?" she repeated. + +"Yes," the father answered. "It is his, not mine; to him belongs the +honour. It is he who has produced this marvel. How? That is a secret; +perhaps even I could not tell you if I would; Nature is wonderful in +her ways; we can only help her, we cannot create. Yes, yes, it is +Joost who has done this. He seemed to you a retiring youth? Yet he is +the most envied and most honoured man of our profession. I would +sooner--there are many men in Holland who would sooner--have produced +this flower than have a thousand pounds. And he is my son--you may +well believe that I am proud." + +And Mijnheer beamed with satisfaction in his son and his blue +daffodil. But Julia leaned against the stand in the dry twilight, +saying nothing. Money, it appeared, was not then the measure of all +things; neither intrinsically, as with Mr. Alexander Cross, nor for +what it represented in comfort and position, as with her own family, +did it rank with these bulb growers. They, these people whom her +mother would have called market gardeners, tradespeople, it seemed, +loved and reverenced their work; they thought about it and for it, +were proud of it and valued distinction in it, and nothing else. The +blue daffodil was no valuable commercial asset, it was an honour and +glory, an unparalleled floral distinction--no wonder Cross could not +buy or exploit it. In a jump Julia comprehended the situation more +fully than that astute business man ever could; but at the same time +she felt a little bitter amusement--it was this, this treasured +wonder, that she thought to obtain. + +The next day, Sunday, Julia went to church with Mijnheer and Joost; +Mevrouw did not find herself well enough for church, but she insisted +that Julia should not stay at home on her account. Accordingly the +girl accompanied father and son to the Groote Kerk and listened to +the rather dull service there. For the most part she sat with her eyes +demurely cast down, though once or twice she looked round the old +barn-like place, and wondered if there were any frescoes under the +whitewash of the walls and whence came the faint, all pervading smell, +like a phantom of incense long forgotten. When service was over and +they came out into the sunny street, Mijnheer announced that he was +going to see a friend. Julia, of course, must hurry home to set the +table for the mid-day coffee drinking, and afterwards prepare for +dinner. Joost was going back, likewise, and to her it was so natural a +thing they should go together that she never thought about it. It did +not, however, seem so to him, and after walking a few paces in +embarrassment, he said-- + +"You would perhaps prefer I did not walk with you?" + +"Oh, no," she answered, in some surprise; "I shall be pleased, if you +are going the same way, that is." + +He fidgeted, becoming more embarrassed. "You are sure you do not +mind?" he said. "It is a little conspicuous for you." + +Then she understood, and looked up with twinkling eyes. "I am afraid I +am conspicuous, anyhow," she said. + +This was true enough, for her clothes, fitting like an Englishwoman's, +and put on like a Frenchwoman's (the Polkingtons all knew how to +dress), were unlike any others in sight. Her face, too, dark and thin +and keenly alert, was unlike, and her light, easy walk; and if this +was not enough it must be added that she was now walking in the road +because the pavement was so crowded. + +Joost stepped off the path to make room for her and she saw by his +face that his mind was not at ease. + +"Pray, Mijnheer," she said, in her softest tones, and her voice had +many tones as her companion had not failed to notice, though he was +not aware that the softest was also usually the most mischievous, +"will you not walk the other side of the way? Then you will not be +conspicuous at all." + +"I do not mind it," he said, blushing, and Julia decided that his +father's description of him as a retiring youth was really short of +the mark. They walked along together down the quiet, bright streets; +there were many people about, but nobody in a hurry, and all in Sunday +clothes, bent on visiting or decorous pleasure-making. Everywhere was +sunny and everything looked as if it had had its face washed; week +days in the town always looked to Julia like Sundays, and Sundays, +this Sunday in particular, looked like Easter. + +In time they came to the trees that bordered the canal; there were old +Spanish houses here, a beautiful purplish red in colour, and with +carving above the doors. Julia looked up at her favourite doorpiece--a +galleon in full sail, a veritable picture in relief, unspoiled by +three hundred years of wind and weather. + +"I think this is the most beautiful town I was ever in," she said. Her +companion looked surprised. + +"Do you like it?" he asked. "It must be quite unlike what you are used +to, all of it must be." + +"It is," she answered, "all of it, as you say--the place, the ways, +the people." + +"And you like it? You do not think it--you do not think us what you +call slow, stupid?" + +She was a little surprised, it had never occurred to her that he, any +more than the others, would think about her point of view. "No," she +answered, "I admire it all very much, it is sincere, no one appears +other than he is, or aims at being or seeming more. Your house is the +same back and front, and you, none of you have a wrong side, the +whole life is solid right through." + +Joost did not quite understand; had she not guessed that to be likely +she would hardly have spoken so frankly. "I fear I do not understand +you," he said; "it is difficult when we do not know each other's +language perfectly." + +"We know it very well," Julia answered; "as well as possible. If we +were born in the same place, in the same house, we should not +understand it better." + +He still looked puzzled; he was half afraid she was laughing at him. +"You think I am stupid?" he said, gravely. + +She denied it, and they walked on a little in silence. They were in +the quieter part of the town now and could talk undisturbed; after a +little he spoke again, musingly. + +"Often I wonder what you think of, you have such great, shining eyes, +they eat up everything; they see everything and through everything, I +think. They sweep round the room, or the persons or the place, and +gather all--may I say it?--like some fine net--to me it seems they +draw all things into your brain, and there you weave them and weave +them into thoughts." + +Julia swallowed a little exclamation, and by an effort contrived not +to appear as surprised as she was by this too discerning remark. She +was so young that she did not before know that children and child-like +folk sometimes divine by instinct the same conclusions that very +clever people arrive at by much reasoning and observation. She felt +decidedly uncomfortable at this explanation of Joost's frequent +contemplations of herself. + +"You seem to think me very clever," she said. + +"Of course," he answered simply, "you are clever." + +"No, I am not," she returned; "ask your mother; ask Denah Snieder; +they do not think me clever. What can I do, except cook? Oh, yes, and +speak a few foreign language as you can yourself? I cannot paint, or +draw, or sing; I do not understand music; why, when you play Bach, I +wish to go out of the room." + +"That is true," he admitted; "I have felt it." + +Julia bit her lip; she had never before expressed her opinion of Bach, +and she did not feel in the least gratified that he had found it out +for himself. + +"It is absurd to call me clever," she said. "I have little learning +and no accomplishments. I cannot even get on with the crochet work +Denah showed me, and I do not know how to make flowers of paper." + +"But why should one make flowers of paper?" he asked, in his serious +way. "They are not at all beautiful." + +"Denah makes them beautifully," she answered. + +The argument did not seem to carry weight, but Julia advanced no +other; she thought silence the wisest course. They had almost reached +home now; a little before they came to the gate, Joost opened the +subject of herself again. "I think sometimes you must make fun of us; +do you not sometimes in your heart laugh just a little bit?" + +"I laugh at everything sometimes," she said; "myself most of all. Do +you never laugh at yourself? I expect not; you are very serious. I +will tell you what it is like: a little goblin comes out of your head +and stands in front of you; the goblin is you, a sort of you; the +other part, the part people know, sits opposite, and the goblin laughs +at it because it sees how ridiculous the other is, how grotesque and +how futile. My goblin came out into my room last night and laughed and +laughed; you would almost have heard him if you had been there." + +They had reached the gate now, and as Joost held it open for her to +pass through, she saw that he had blushed to the ears at the lightly +spoken words--if he had been in her room last night; the impropriety +of them to him was evident. For a moment she blushed, too, then she +recovered herself and grew impatient with one so artificial--and yet +so simple, so self-conscious--and yet so unconscious, so desperately +stupid--and yet so uncomfortably clear-sighted. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +THE EXCURSION + + +The following Monday was fine and warm, and since the whole previous +week had also been fine and warm, Mevrouw thought they might venture +to make the talked-of excursion. Messages were accordingly sent to the +Snieders, and from the Snieders back again, and after a wonderful +amount of talk and arranging, everything was settled. Dinner was a +little early that day, and a little hurried, though, since the +carriage was not to come till after five o'clock, there was perhaps +not much need for that. However, it is not every day in the week one +makes an excursion, so naturally things cannot be expected to go quite +as usual when such an event occurs. + +The carriage came, Mevrouw had been waiting ten minutes, and three +times been to see why Julia was not waiting with her. At the sound of +wheels Julia came out; she had just finished washing the glasses +(which she had been told not to touch, as there was certainly no +time). She was quite ready, but Mevrouw at that moment discovered that +she had the wrong sunshade. Julia fetched the right one and carried it +out for the old lady; also an umbrella with a bow on the handle, a +mackintosh, a shawl, and a large basket. Mijnheer came from the office +with his spectacles pushed up on his forehead, and a minute later +Joost also came to say good-bye; even the maidservant came from the +kitchen to see them start. + +The carriage drew up; it was a strange-looking vehicle, in shape +something between a hearse and an ark on wheels, but with the greater +part of the sides open to the air. Vrouw Snieder and her two daughters +were already within, with their bow-trimmed umbrellas, sunshades, +mackintoshes, shawls and basket. There was necessarily a good deal of +greeting; Mijnheer and Joost shook hands with all the three ladies, +and inquired after Herr Snieder, and received polite inquiries in +return. Then Denah insisted on getting out, so that Mevrouw should be +better able to get in; also to show that she was athletic and agile, +like an English girl, and thought nothing of getting in and out of a +high carriage. Mevrouw kissed her husband and son, twice each, very +loud, called a good-bye to the servant, and got in. Julia shook hands, +said good-bye, and also got in. Denah watched her, and observed the +shape of her feet and ankles jealously. She glanced sharply at Joost, +but he was not guilty of such indecorum as even thinking about any +girl's legs, so, having said her good-bye, she got in reassured. +Finally they drove away amid wishes for a safe drive and a pleasant +excursion. + +Of course there was a little settling to do inside the carriage, the +wraps and baskets to be disposed of, and each person to be assured +that the others had enough room, and just the place they preferred to +any other. By the time that was done they stopped again at the house +of Mijnheer's head clerk; here they were to take up two children, +girls of fourteen and fifteen, who had been invited to come with the +party. The carriage was not kept waiting, the children were out before +it had fairly stopped; they were flaxenly fair girls, wearing little +blue earrings, Sunday hats, and cotton gloves of course--all the party +wore cotton gloves; it was, Julia judged, part of the excursion +outfit. + +Now they were really off, driving out beyond the outskirts of the +town; along flat roads where the wheels sank noiselessly into the soft +sand, and the horses' feet clattered on the narrow brick track in the +centre. For a time they followed the canal closely, but soon they left +it, and saw in the distance nothing but its high green banks, with the +brown sails of boats showing above, and looking as if they were a good +deal higher than the carriage road. They passed small fields, +subdivided into yet smaller patches, and all very highly cultivated. +And small black and white houses, and small black and white cows, and +black and white goats, and dogs, and even cats of the same combination +of colour. Everything was rather small, but everywhere very tidy; +nothing out of its place or wasted, and nobody hurrying or idling; all +were busy, with a small bustling business, as unlike aggressive +English idleness as it was unlike the deceptive, leisurely power of +English work. + +Denah and Anna looked out of either side of the carriage, and pointed +out things to Julia and the two little girls. Here it was what they +called a country seat, a sort of castellated variety of overgrown +chalêt, surrounded by a wonderful garden of blazing flower-beds and +emerald lawns, all set round with rows and rows of plants in bright +red pots. Or there it was a cemetery, where the peaceful aspect made +Denah sentimental, and the beauty of the trees drew Anna's praise. The +two elder ladies paid less attention to what they passed; they +contented themselves with leaning back and saying how beautiful the +air was, and how refreshing the country. The girls said that as well; +they all agreed six times within the hour that it was a delightful +expedition, and they enjoying it much. + +In time they came to the wood. An unpaved road ran through it of +soft, deep sand, which deadened every sound; on either hand the trees +rose, pines and larch and beech principally, with a few large-leafed +shivering poplars here and there. There was no undergrowth, and few +bird songs, only the dim wood aisles stretching away, quiet and green. +Suddenly it seemed to Julia that the world's horizon had been +stretched, the little neatness, the clean, trim brightness, the +bustling, industrious toy world was gone; in its place was the +twilight of the trees, the silence, the repose, the haunting, +indefinable sense of home which is only to be found in these +cathedrals of Nature's making. + +"Ah, the wood!" Denah said, with a profound sigh. "The beautiful wood! +Miss Julia, do you not love it?" + +Julia did not assent, but Denah went on quite satisfied, "You cannot +love it as I do; I think I am a child of Nature, nothing would please +me more than always to live here." + +"You would have to go into the town sometimes," Julia said, "to buy +gloves; the ones you have would not last for ever." + +Denah looked a little puzzled by the difficulty; she had not +apparently thought out the details of life in a natural state; but +before she could come to any conclusion one of the little girls cried, +"Music--I hear music!" + +All the ladies said "Delicious!" together, and "How beautiful!" and +Denah, content to ignore Nature, added rapturously, "Music in the +wood! Ah, exquisite! two beauties together!" + +Julia echoed the remark, though the music was that of a piano-organ. +The horizon had drawn in again, and the prospect narrowed; the silence +was full of noises now, voices and laughter, amidst which the organ +notes did not seem out of place. And near at hand under the trees +there were tables spread and people having tea, enjoying themselves in +a simple-hearted, noisy fashion, in no way suggestive of cathedral +twilight. + +The carriage was put up, the tea ordered, and in a little they, too, +were sitting at one of the square tables. Each lady was provided with +a high wooden chair, and a little wooden box footstool. A kettle on a +hot potful of smouldering wood ashes was set on the table; cups and +saucers and goats' milk were also supplied to them, and opaque +beet-root sugar. The food they had brought in their baskets, big new +_broodje_ split in half, buttered and put together again with a +slither of Dutch cheese between. These and, to wind up with, some thin +sweet biscuits carried in a papier-maché box, and handed out singly by +Vrouw Van Heigen, who had brought them as a surprise and a treat. + +"Do they have such picnics as this in England?" Anna asked, as she +gathered up the crumbs of her biscuit. + +"I have never been to one," Julia answered, and inwardly she thought +of her mother and Violet driving in a wheeled ark to the wood, there +to sit at little wooden tables and stretch their mouths in the public +eye. + +"Ah!" said Vrouw Snieder; "then it is all the more of a pleasure and a +novelty to you." + +Julia said it was, and soon afterwards they rose from the table to +walk in the wood. The two elder ladies did not get far, and before +long came back to sit on their wooden chairs again. The girls went +some little distance, all keeping together, and being careful not to +wander out of sight and sound of the other picnic parties. Once when +they came to the extreme limit of their walk, Julia half-hesitated. +She looked into the quiet green distance. It would be easy to leave +them, to give them the slip; she could walk at double their pace with +half their exertion, she could lose herself among the trees while +they were wondering why she had gone, and making up their minds to +follow her; and, most important of all, when she came back she could +explain everything quite easily, so that they would not think it in +the least strange--an accident, a missing of the way, anything. Should +she do it--should she? The wild creature that had lived half-smothered +within her for all the twenty years of her life fluttered and stirred. +It had stirred before, rebelling against the shams of the Marbridge +life, as it rebelled against the restrictions of the present; it had +never had scope or found vent; still, for all that it was not dead; +possibly, even, it was growing stronger; it called her now to run +away. But she did not do it; advisability, the Polkingtons' patron +saint, suggested to her that one does not learn to shine in the caged +life by allowing oneself the luxury of occasional escape. + +She turned her back on the green distance. "Shall we not go back to +where the music is playing?" she said. + +They went, walking with their arms entwined as other girls were doing, +Julia between the broad, white-skinned sisters, like a rapier between +cushions. The two younger girls ran on in front. "There is Mevrouw," +they cried. "She is calling us. The carriage is ready, too; oh, do you +think it is already time to go?" + +It seemed as if it really was the case. Vrouw Snieder stood clapping +her hands and beckoning to them, and the coachman appeared impatient +to be off. With reluctance, and many times repeated regrets, they +collected their wraps and baskets, and got into the carriage. + +"Good-bye, beautiful wood, good-bye!" Denah said, leaning far out as +they started. "Oh, if one could but remain here till the moon rose!" + +"It would be very damp," her mother observed. "The dew would fall." + +To which incontestable remark Denah made no reply. + +The return journey was much like the drive there, with one exception; +they passed one object of interest they had not seen before. It was +when they were nearing the outskirts of the town that Anna exclaimed, +"An Englishman! Look, look, Miss Julia, a compatriot of yours!" + +The season was full early for tourists, and at no time did the place +attract many. Englishmen who came now probably came on business which +was unlikely to bring them out to these quiet, flat fields. But Anna +and Denah, who joined her in a much more demonstrative look-out than +Marbridge would have considered well-bred, were insistent on the +nationality. + +"He walks like an Englishman," Anna said, "as if all the world +belonged to him." + +"And looks like one," Denah added; "he has no moustache, and wears a +glass in his eye, look, Miss Julia." + +Julia looked, then drew back rather quickly. They were right, it was +an Englishman; it was of all men Rawson-Clew. + +What was he doing here? By what extraordinary chance he came to be in +this unlikely place she could not think. She was very glad that +Mevrouw felt the air chilly, and so had had the leather flaps pulled +over part of the open sides of the carriage; this and the eager +sisters screened her so well that it was unlikely he could see her. + +"Is he not an Englishman?" Anna asked. + +"Yes," she answered; "one could not mistake him for anything else." + +"I wonder if he recognised you as a country-woman," Anna speculated; +and Julia said she did not consider herself typically English in +appearance. + +The sisters talked for the rest of the way of the Englishman; of his +air and bearing, and the fact, of which they declared themselves +convinced, that he was a person of distinction. + +But it was not till the drive was over, and the party had separated, +that Denah was able to say what was burning on her tongue. They had +left the clerk's children at their house, said good-bye to Vrouw Van +Heigen and Julia, and were within their own home at last; the girls +went up to their bedroom, and Denah carefully fastened the door, then +she said mysteriously, "Miss Julia knows that Englishman." + +Anna jumped at the intelligence, and still more at the tone. "Did she +tell you?" she asked. + +"No," Denah replied with some scorn; "she would not tell any one, she +wishes it concealed; she thinks it is so, but I saw it." + +The tone and manner suggested many things, but Anna was a terribly +matter-of-fact person, to whom suggestions were nothing. "Why should +she wish it concealed?" she inquired. + +"I do not know why," Denah answered; "that remains to be seen. As for +how I know it, I saw it in her face; when she looked at him her lips +became set, and her eyes--she looked--" She hesitated for a word, and +dropped to the homely, "She looked as if she would bite with annoyance +that he should be here. The expression was gone in a moment; she spoke +with an ease and naturalness that was astonishing, even disgusting; +but it had been there. I do not trust her." + +The last was said with great seriousness, and for a little Anna was +impressed. But not for long, she could not accept such evidence as +this; in her opinion it was "fancy." + +"You read too many romances," she said; "your head is full of such +things. I do not believe Miss Julia knew the Englishman, she would not +have hidden from us her knowledge if she did; it is not so easy to +hide one's feelings in the flash of an eye, besides there was no +reason. Also"--this as an afterthought--"he was a man of good family; +you could see at a glance that he was of the aristocracy, while she is +a paid companion to Vrouw Van Heigen; she could never before have met +him." + +Denah, however, was not convinced; she only repeated darkly, "I +mistrust her." + +Julia, in the meantime, was busy with her household duties, talking +over the excursion the while with Mevrouw, and helping to detail it to +Mijnheer. At last the table was ready for supper and the coffee made. +Mevrouw sat with her crochet, and Mijnheer opposite her with his +paper. It wanted more than a quarter of an hour to supper time, Julia +had been too quick; still it did not matter, the coffee would not hurt +standing on the spirit-stove; it stood there half the day. She had all +this time to spare, but she did not fetch her crochet work; she went +outside to the veranda. + +It was almost dark by this time, as dark as it ever got on these +nights; the air was still and warm. She opened the glass door and went +out and sat down on the step. There was a smell of water in the air, +not unpleasant, but quite un-English, and mixed with it a faint smell +of flowers, the late blooming bulbs have little scent on the whole; it +was more the heavy dew than the flowers themselves which one could +smell. It was very quiet out here; the town, at no time noisy, was +some distance away--so quiet that Julia could hear the ticking of Mr. +Gillat's large watch in her belt. She pushed it further down; she did +not want to hear it. + +She propped her elbows on her knees, and her chin on her hands. She +wished she had not seen Rawson-Clew that day; she wished she was not +here, she wished there was no such thing as a blue daffodil; she was +vaguely angry and dissatisfied, but not willing to face things. It was +unlikely that the man had seen her, unlikely that she would see him +again; but he was incongruous in this simple life, and he brought +forcibly home the incongruity of herself and her errand. She had come +for the blue daffodil, it was no good pretending she had not; she told +herself angrily, as she had told herself when she had first looked at +Johnny's yellow-faced watch, that she was going to get it in some way +that was justifiable. Only it was not so easy to believe that now she +knew more about it and the Van Heigens. But she must have it, that was +the argument she fell back on, the necessity was so great that she was +justified (the Polkingtons had always found necessity a justification +for doing things that could be anyhow made to square with their +position). + +She wished she had not been for the excursion to-day, that she lived +less really in their simple, sincere life. She wished from her heart +that the Van Heigens had been different sort of people--almost any other +sort, then she would not have had these tiresome feelings--Johnny and +Johnny's watch, Joost Van Heigen--there was something about them all +that was hatefully embarrassing. No self-respecting thief robbed a +child; even the most apathetic conscience revolted at such an idea. No +gentleman worthy of the name attacked an unarmed man, the preparedness +of the parties made all the difference between murder and fair fight. Of +course, in the abstract, stealing was stealing under all conditions, and +killing killing, and both open to condemnation; but in the concrete, in +fact, the equality of the two persons made all the difference, at least +to honour. + +Julia moved uneasily and looked, without seeing, across the dark +garden. The monotonous sound of voices floated out indistinctly; the +old pair in the sitting-room were talking in the lamplight, Mevrouw +going over once again the little incidents of the day. Joost was in +the drawing-room at the other end of the house; he had been playing +some of his favourite composer; he had stopped now, and was doubtless +sorting his music and putting it away, each piece four-square and +absolutely neat. Day by day, and year by year, they lived this quiet +life, with a drive for a rare holiday treat, and the discovery of a +new flower as the goal of all hope and ambition. Things did not happen +to them, bad things that needed doubtful remedies; they had never had +to scratch for their living, and show one face outwards and another +in. They, none of them, ever wanted to do things; they had not the +courage. How much of virtue was lack of courage and a desire not to be +remarkable? + +Julia asked herself the question defiantly, and did not hear Joost +come out of the house. He was carrying a lantern, and was going to +make his nightly round of the barns. She did not hear his step, and so +started when she saw the light swing across the ground at her feet. + +He was quite as startled to see her as she was to see him, but his +greeting was a very usual question in Holland, "Will you not catch +cold?" + +She shook her head, and he asked, "What are you doing? Thinking? +Weaving in your head all that you have seen and heard to-day?" + +"No," she answered; "I was thinking about courage." + +"Courage?" he repeated, puzzled. + +"Yes, it is very different in different places; some people are afraid +to tell the truth, so they lie; and some are afraid to be dishonest, +so they are honest; I believe it depends partly on fashion." + +Joost set down the lantern in sheer surprise. "Such things cannot +depend on fashion," he said severely. + +"I am not so sure," Julia answered; "lots of things you would not +expect depend on it. I know people who sometimes go without the food +they want so that they can buy expensive cakes to show off when their +acquaintances come to tea--that's silly, isn't it? Then I know other +people who blush if a pair of breeches, or something equally +inoffensive, are mentioned; that seems equally silly. One lot of +people is ashamed to be seen eating bread-and-cheese suppers, another +lot is ashamed to be seen walking off the side-walk, and with no +gloves on. One would hardly expect in, yet I almost believe these +silly little things somehow make a difference to what the people think +right and wrong." + +Joost regarded her doubtfully, though he could only see the outline of +her face. "Are you making fun?" he asked. "I do not know when you are +making fun; I think you must be now. Are you speaking of us?" + +"I never felt less like making fun in my life," Julia answered +ignoring the last question. Something in her tone struck Joost as sad, +and he forgot his question in sympathy. + +"I am sorry," he said; "you are unhappy, and I have intruded upon you; +will you forgive me? You are thinking of your home, no doubt; you have +not had a letter from England for a long time." + +Julia wished he did not notice so many things. "I did not expect a +letter," she said; "my eldest sister was married last week, there +would be no time to write to me till everything was over; most likely +I shall hear to-morrow." + +"Is your sister married?" he asked; "and you were not able to be +present?" + +"It is too far to go home from here," Julia said; then asked, "Were +you going to the barns?" + +"Yes," he answered, suddenly reminded of the fact. Then seeing she did +not resume her seat on the steps, he ventured diffidently, "Will you +come too?" + +She assented, and they started together in silence, Joost thinking her +homesick, not knowing quite what to say. When they came to the first +of the dark buildings they went in, and he swung the lantern round so +that their shadows danced fantastically. Then he tried various doors, +and glanced up the wall-ladder to the square opening which led to the +floor above. There was no need to examine the place minutely, it was +all quiet and dark; if there had been any one about they would +certainly have heard, and if there had been anything smouldering--a +danger more to be feared, seeing that the men smoked everywhere--it +could have been smelt in the dry air. + +"I like these barns," Julia said, looking round: "they are so big and +quiet and orderly, somehow so respectable." + +"Respectable!" he repeated, as if he did not approve of the word. "Is +that what you like? The respectable?" + +"Yes, in its place; and its place is here." + +"You think us respectable?" + +"Well, are you not? I think you are the most respectable people in the +world." + +She led the way through to the next barn as she spoke. "You are going +here, too, I suppose?" she said. + +"I will just look round," he answered. + +They went on together until they came to the last barn of all; while +they paused there a moment they heard a rustling and movement in the +dark, far corner. Joost started violently, then he said, "It is a rat, +you must not be afraid; it will not run this way." + +"I am not afraid," Julia said with amusement. "Do you think I am +afraid of rats?" + +"Girls often are." + +"Well, I am not," and it was clear from her manner that she spoke the +truth. + +"Would you be afraid to come out here alone?" he asked curiously. + +"No," she said; "any night that you like I will come here alone, go +through the barns and fasten the doors." + +"I do not believe there are many girls who would do that," he said; he +was thinking of Denah and Anna. + +Julia told him there were plenty who would. As they came back, +stopping to fasten each door after them, he remarked, "I think girls +are usually brought up with too much protection; I mean girls of our +class, they are too much shielded; one has them for the house only; if +they were flowers I would call them stove-plants." + +Julia laughed. "You believe in the emancipation of women then?" she +said; "you would rather a woman could take care of herself, and not be +afraid, than be womanly?" + +"No," he answered; "I would like them to be both, as you are." + +They had come outside now; she was standing in the misty moon-light, +while he stayed to fasten the last door. + +"I?" she said; "you seem to think me a paragon--clever, brave, +womanly. Do you know what I really am? I am bad; by a long way the +wickedest person you have known." + +But he did not believe her, which was perhaps not altogether +surprising. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +DEBTOR AND CREDITOR + + +Violet Polkington was married, and, as a consequence, the financial +affairs of the family were in a state that can only be described as +wonderful. They were intricately involved, of course, and there was no +chance of their being clear again for a year at least; but, also, +there was no chance of them being found out, appearances were better +than ever. + +Mr. Frazer had been given a small living, whether by the deserved +kindness of fortune, or by reason of his own efforts, or the +Polkingtons, is not known. Anyhow he had it, and he and Violet were +married in June with all necessary _éclat_. Local papers described the +event in glowing terms, appreciative friends said it was the prettiest +wedding in years, and in due time Chèrie wrote and told Julia about +it. The Captain also wrote; his point of view was rather different, +but his letter filled up gaps in Chèrie's information, and Julia's own +past experience filled up the remaining gaps in both. + +The letters came on Tuesday, as Julia expected, a little before dinner +time; she was still reading them when Mijnheer and his son came in +from the office. Joost smiled sympathetically when he saw she had +them, glad on her account; and she, almost unconsciously, crumpled +together the sheets that lay on the table beside her, as if she were +afraid they would betray their contents to him. + +"You have good news from home?" said Mijnheer; "your parents are +well?" + +"Quite well, thank you," Julia answered. She had just come to the +place in her father's letter where he regretted that such very light +refreshments were the fashion at wedding receptions. "It is, of +course, as your mother says, less expensive, but at such a time who +would spare expense--if it were the fashion? I assure you I had +literally nothing to eat at the time, or afterwards; your mother +thinking it advisable as soon as we were alone, to put away the cakes +for future visitors. At such a time, when a man's feelings are nearly +touched, he needs support; I did not have it, and I cannot say that I +have felt myself since." + +Julia read to the end of the letter; Mijnheer had by this time taken +up a paper, but Joost watched her as she folded the sheets. He did not +speak, it seemed he would not intrude upon her; there was something +dog-like in this sympathy with what was not understood. She felt +vaguely uncomfortable by reason of it, and spoke to break the spell. +"Everything went off very well," she said. + +The words were for him alone, since Mijnheer was now reading, and also +knew nothing of the subject. The smile brightened on his face. "Did +it?" he answered. "I am very glad. They must have missed you much, and +thought often of you." + +Julia nodded. Chèrie had said. "I must say I think it is a pity you +were not here; it is important to have some one with a head in the +background; mother and I had to be the fore, so of course we could not +do it; if you had been here several things would have gone better, and +some waste have been saved." + +This remark Julia did not communicate to Joost; she put the letter in +her pocket, and went to fetch the dinner. After dinner she was to go +on an errand for Mevrouw. It would take a long time, all the evening +in fact, for it was to an old relative who lived in a village about +three miles from the town. Walking was the only way of getting to the +place, except twice a week when a little cargo boat went down the +canal, and took some hours about it. This was neither the day nor the +time for the boat, Julia would have to walk; but, as she assured +Mevrouw, she much preferred it. Accordingly, as soon as dinner was +finished, she was given a great many messages, mostly of a condoling +nature, for the old lady was ill in bed, some strengthening soup, and +a little bottle of the peach-brandy. With these things packed in a +substantial marketing basket, she started. + +Through the town she went with that easy step and indifference to the +presence of other people that Denah so criticised, faster and faster +her spirits rising. Once or twice she looked in at the low windows +that stood open on the shady side of the street; there she saw the +heads of families smoking their after-dinner pipes, while their wives +and daughters sat crocheting and watching the passersby. There were +chairs with crimson velvet seats in most of the rooms, and funny +little cabinet, or side-board things of bright red mahogany, with +modern Delft vases, very blue indeed, upon them. And always there was +a certain snugness, perhaps even smugness, about the rooms. At least, +so it seemed to her as she looked in, almost insolently pleased to be +outside, to be free and alone. + +In time she came to the outskirts of the town, the canal lay on her +right, and on her left, flat green fields, cut up by innumerable +ditches, and set with frequent windmills, all black and white, and +mostly used for maintaining the water level. There were people busy +in the fields, but to Julia they only gave the idea of ants, and did +not intrude upon her mind in the least. It was all very quiet and +green around, and quiet and blue above, except for the larks singing +rapturously. Certainly it was very good to be away from the Van +Heigens, away from the ceaseless little reiteration of Mevrouw's talk, +from the minute, punctilious conventions, from Joost's quiet gaze, +from the proximity of the hateful, necessary blue daffodil. With a +violent rebound Julia shook off the feeling that had been growing on +her of late, and was once more possibly reckless, but certainly free, +and no longer under the spell of her surroundings. Her young blood +coursed quickly, her eyes shone, the basket she carried grew light; +she might have sung as she went had not Nature, in withholding the +ability, also kindly withheld the inclination. + +Soon after leaving the town, a side road cut into the main one; a +waggon was lumbering down it at no great pace, but just before the +branch road joined the main one the driver cracked his whip loudly, so +that his team of young horses started forward suddenly. Too suddenly +for the comprehension of some children who were playing in the road; +for a second or more they looked at the approaching waggon, then, when +the necessity dawned upon them, they ran for safety, one one way, one +another, and the third, a baby boy, like a chicken, half across the +way to the right, then, after a scurry in the middle, back again to +the left, under the horses' feet. + +Julia shouted to him, but in the excitement of the moment she spoke +English, and not Dutch, though it hardly mattered, for the little boy +was far too frightened to understand anything. It certainly would have +fared badly with him had she not followed up her cry by darting into +the road, seizing him by the shoulder, and flinging him with +considerable force against the green wayside bank. She was only just +in time; as it was, the foremost horse struck her shoulder and sent +her rolling into the dust. + +For an instant she lay there, perilously near the big grinding wheels; +an almost imperceptible space, yet somehow long enough for her to +decide quite calmly that it was impossible to scramble to her feet in +time, so she had better draw her legs up and trust to the wheels +missing her. Then suddenly the wheels stopped, and some one who had +seized the horses' heads addressed the waggoner with the English idiom +that is perhaps most widely known. + +Julia heard "damned fool" in quite unemotional English, and almost +simultaneously the guttural shrieks of two peasant women who +approached. She picked herself up, then moving two paces to the side, +stopped to put her hat straight with a calmness she did not quite +feel. There was a volley of exclamations from the peasant women, and +"Are you hurt?" the man who had stopped the horses asked her, speaking +now in Dutch, though with an English accent. + +"No," she answered, winking back the water which had come into her +eyes with the force of the blow, and she turned her back on him so +that he should not see her do it. + +"My good women," she said shortly to the peasants who, with upraised +hands and many gestures, stared at her, "there is nothing the matter, +there is no reason why you should stand there and look at me; I assure +you no one has been hurt, and no one is going to be; you had much +better go on your way, as I shall do. Good-afternoon." + +She walked a few paces down the road, not in the direction she +intended to go certainly, but she was too shaken for the moment to +notice which way she took, and was only actuated by a desire to get +away and put an end to a scene. The movement and the words were not +without effect; the two women, a good deal astonished, obeyed +automatically, and, picking up the burdens they had set down, trudged +on their way, not realising for some time how much offended they were +at the curt behaviour of the "mad English." The children by this time +had ceased staring and returned to their play; the waggoner, muttering +some surly words, drove on. Julia sat on the bank by the roadside, and +tried to brush the dust from her dress. The Englishman, after making +some parting remarks to the waggoner, this time in Dutch, though still +in the quiet, drawling voice which was much at variance with the +language, had gone to pick up the basket. She wished she had thanked +him for his timely assistance when she first scrambled to her feet, +and gone on at once, then she could have done this necessary sitting +down when he was out of sight, and come back for the stupid basket +when she remembered it. But now she would have to thank him formally, +and perhaps explain things, and say expressly that she was not hurt, +and this while she was shaken and dusty. Mercifully he was English, +and so would not expect much; she looked at his back with +satisfaction. He was scarcely as tall as many Hollanders, but very +differently built. To Julia, looking at him rather stupidly, his +proportions, like his clothes, appeared very nearly perfect after +those she had been used to seeing lately. When he turned and she saw +for the first time his face, she was not very much surprised, though +really it was surprising that Rawson-Clew should still be hereabouts. + +Their eyes met in mutual recognition. Afterwards she wondered why she +did not pretend to be Dutch, it ought to have been possible; he had +only seen her once before, and her knowledge of the language was much +better than his. And even if he had not been deceived, he would have +been bound to acquiesce to her pretence, had she persisted in it. But +she did not think of it before their mutual recognition had made it +too late. + +"I hope you are not hurt," he said, as he crossed the road with the +basket. + +"No," she answered, "thanks to you--" + +But he, evidently sharing her dislike for a fuss, was even more +anxious than she not to dwell on that, and dismissed the subject +quickly. He began to wipe the bottom of the basket, from which soup +was dripping, talking the while of the carelessness of continental +drivers and the silliness of children of all nations, perhaps to give +her time to recover. + +She agreed with him, and then repeated her thanks. + +He again set them aside. "It's nothing," he said; "I am glad to have +had the opportunity, especially since it also gives me the opportunity +of offering you some apology for an unfortunate misunderstanding which +arose when last I saw you. You must feel that it needs an apology." + +For a moment Julia's eyes showed her surprise; an apology was not what +she expected, and, to tell the truth, it did not altogether please +her. She knew that she and her father had no right to it while the +money was unpaid. + +"Please do not apologise," she said; "there is no need, I quite +understand." + +"I was labouring under a false impression," Rawson-Clew explained. + +She nodded. "I know," she said, "but it is cleared up now; no one who +spoke with my father could possibly imagine he lived by his wits." + +Which ambiguous remark may have been meant to apply to the Captain's +mental outfit more than his moral one. When Rawson-Clew knew Julia +better he came to the conclusion it probably did, at the time he +thought it wise not to answer it. + +"Here is your basket," he said; "I think it is clean now." + +She made a movement to take it, but her arm was numb and powerless +from the blow she had received; it was the right shoulder which had +been struck, and that hand was clearly useless for the time being; +with a wince of pain, she stretched out the left. + +But he drew the basket back. "You are hurt," he said. + +"No, I'm not, nothing to speak of; it only hurts me when I move that +arm; I will carry the basket with the other hand." + +"How far have you to go?" + +She told him to the village and back. + +"You had better go straight home at once," he said. + +"I can't do that," she answered. She did not explain that she did not +want to, the pain in her shoulder not being bad enough to make her +want to give up this first hour of freedom. "My shoulder does not hurt +if I do not move it," she said; "I can carry the basket with the other +hand." + +"Perhaps you will allow me to carry it for you?" he suggested; "I am +going the same way." + +"No, thank you," she returned. "Thanks very much for the offer, but +there isn't any need; I can manage quite well. I expect you will want +to go faster than I do." She spoke decidedly, and turned about +quickly; as she did so, she caught sight of the bottle of +peach-brandy in the grass. + +"Oh, there's the brandy," she exclaimed; "I mustn't go without that." + +He fetched the fortunately unbroken bottle and put it in the basket, +but he did not give it to her. + +"I will carry this," he said; "if our pace does not agree, if you +would prefer to walk more slowly, I will wait for you at the beginning +of the village." + +Julia rose to her feet, there was no choice left to her but to +acquiesce; from her heart she wished he would leave the basket and go +alone; she wished even that he would be rude to her, she felt that +then he would have been nearer her level and her father's. She +resented alike his presence and his courtesy, and she could not show +either feeling, only accept what he offered and walk by his side, just +as if no money was owed, and no letter, condescendingly cancelling the +debt, had been written. She grew hot as she thought of that carefully +worded letter, and hot when she thought of her father's relief +thereat. And here, here was the man who must have dictated the letter, +and probably paid the debt, behaving just as if such things never +existed. He was walking with her--she could not give him ten yards +start and follow him into the village--and making polite conversations +about the weather, and the road, and the quantity of soup that had +been spilled. + +She pulled herself together, and, feeling the situation to be beyond +remedy, determined to bear herself bravely, and carry it off with what +credit she could. She glanced at the more than half-empty soup can. "I +am afraid you are right," she said; "there is a great deal of it gone; +still, that is not without advantage--I shall be sent to take some +more in a day or two." + +"You wish that?" he inquired. + +"Yes," she answered, "I find the exercise beneficial; I have had too +much pudding lately." + +He looked politely surprised, and she went on to explain. + +"It is very wholesome," she said, "but a bit stodgy; I think it is too +really good to be taken in such large quantities by any one like me. +It is unbelievably good, it makes one perfectly ashamed of oneself; +and unbelievably narrow, it makes one long for bed-time." + +She broke off to smile at his more genuine surprise, and her smile, +like that of some other people of little real beauty, was one of +singular charm. + +"Did you think I meant actual pudding?" she asked. "I didn't; I meant +just the whole life here; if you knew the people well, the real middle +class ones, you would understand." + +"I think I can understand without knowing them well," he said; "I +fancy there is a good deal of pudding about; in fact, I myself am +feeling its rather oppressive influence." + +"The town is paved with it," Julia declared. "I thought so this +afternoon. I also thought, though it is Tuesday, it was just like a +spring Sunday; every day is like that." + +Rawson-Clew suggested that many people appreciated spring Sundays. + +"So do I," Julia agreed, "but in moderation; you can't do your washing +on Sunday, nor your harvesting in spring. An endless succession of +spring Sundays is very awkward when you have got--well, week-day work +to do, don't you think so?" + +He wondered a little what week-day work she had in her mind, but he +did not ask. + +"Are you living with a Dutch family?" he inquired. + +She nodded. "As companion," she said; "sort of superior general +servant." + +"Indeed? Then it must have been you I saw yesterday; I thought so at +the time; you were driving with some Dutch ladies." + +Julia was surprised that he had seen and recognised her. "We went for +an excursion yesterday," she said; "they called it a picnic." + +She told him about it, not omitting any of the points which had amused +her. Could Joost have heard her, he would have felt that his suspicion +that she sometimes laughed at them more than justified; but she did +not give a thought to Joost, and probably would not have paused if she +had. She wanted to pass the present time, and she was rather reckless +how, so long as Rawson-Clew either talked himself, or seemed +interested in what she said; also, it must be admitted, though it was +to this man, it was something of a treat to talk freely again. So she +gave him the best account she could, not only of the excursion, but of +other things too. And if it was his attention she wanted, she should +have been satisfied, for she apparently had it, at first only the +interest of courtesy, afterwards something more; it even seemed, +before the end, as if she puzzled him a little, in spite of his years +and experience. + +He found himself mentally contrasting the life at the Van Heigens', as +she described it, with that which he had imagined her to have led at +Marbridge, and, now that he talked to her, he could not find her exact +place in either. + +"You must find Dutch conventionality rather trying," he said at last. + +"I am not used to it yet," she answered; "when I am it will be no +worse than the conventionality at home." + +He felt he was wrong in one of his surmises; clearly she was not +really Bohemian. "Surely," he said, "you have not found these absurd +rules and restrictions in England?" + +"Not the same ones; we study appearances one way, and they do another; +but it comes to the same thing, so far as I am concerned. One day I +hope to be able to give it up and retire; when I do I shall wear +corduroy breeches and if I happen to be in the kitchen eating onions +when people come to see me, I shall call them in and offer them a +share." + +"Rather an uncomfortable ambition, isn't that?" he inquired. "I am +afraid you will have to wait some time for its fulfilment, especially +the corduroy. I doubt if you will achieve that this side the grave, +though you might perhaps make a provision in your will to be buried in +it." + +Julia laughed a little. "You think my family would object? They would; +but, you see, I should be retiring from them as well as from the +world, the corduroy might be part of my bulwarks." + +"I don't think you could afford it even for that; do you think women +ever can afford that kind of disregard for appearances?" + +"Plain ones can," she said; "it is the only compensation they have for +being plain; not much, certainly, seeing what they lose, but they have +it. When you can never look more than indifferent, it does not matter +how much less you look." + +"That is a rather unusual idea," he remarked; "it appears sound in +theory, but in practice--" + +"Sounder still," she answered him. + +He laughed. "I'm afraid you won't make many converts here," he said, +"where nearly every woman is plain, and according to your experience, +every one, men and women too, think a great deal of looks; at all +events, correct ones." + +"They do do that," she admitted; "they just worship propriety and the +correct, and have the greatest notion of the importance of their +neighbours' eyes. It is a perfect treat to be out alone, and not have +to regard them--this is the first time I have been out alone since I +have been here." + +"Rather hard; I thought every one had--er--time off." + +"An evening out?" she suggested. "I believe the number of evenings out +is regulated by the number of applications for the post when vacant; +cooks could get more evenings than housemaids, and nursery governesses +might naturally expect a minus number, if that were possible. There +would be lots of applications for my post, so I can't expect many +evenings; however, I have thought of a plan by which I can get out +again and again!" + +"What will you do?" he inquired. + +"I shall get Denah--she is one of the girls who went for the +excursion--to come and teach Mevrouw a new crochet pattern after +dinner of a day. It will take ages, Mevrouw learns very slowly, and +Denah will know better than to hurry matters; she admires Mijnheer +Joost, the Van Heigens' son, and she will be only too delighted to +have an excuse to come to the house." + +"And if she is there you will have a little leisure? Some one always +has to be on duty? Is that it?" + +Julia laughed softly. "If she is there," she said, "she will want me +out of the way, and I am not satisfactorily out of the way when I am +anywhere on the premises. Not that Mijnheer Joost talks to me when I +am there, or would talk to her if I were not; she just mistrusts every +unmarried female by instinct." + +"A girl's instinct in such matters is not always wrong," Rawson-Clew +observed. + +But if he thought Julia had any mischievous propensities of that sort +he was mistaken. "I should not think of interfering in such an +affair," she said; "why, it would be the most suitable thing in the +world, as suitable as it is for my handsome and able sister to marry +the ambitious and able nephew of a bishop; they are the two halves +that make one whole. Denah and Joost would live a perfectly ideal +pudding life; he with his flowers--that is his work, you know; he +cares for nothing besides, really--and she with her housekeeping. He +with a little music for relaxation, she with her neighbours and +accomplishments; it would be as neat and complete and suitable as +anything could be." + +"And that commends it to you? I should have imagined that what was +incongruous and odd pleased you better." + +"I like that too," she was obliged to admit, "though best when the +people concerned don't see the incongruity; but I don't really care +either way, whether things are incongruous or suitable, I enjoy both, +and should never interfere so long as they don't upset my concerns and +the end in view." + +He looked at her curiously; again it seemed he was at fault; she was +not merely a wayward girl in revolt against convention, saying what +she deemed daring for the sake of saying it, and in the effort to be +original. She was not posing as a Bohemian any more than she was truly +one. + +"Have you usually an end in view?" he asked. + +"Have not you?" she answered, turning on him for a moment eyes that +Joost had described as "eating up what they looked at." "Of course," +she said, looking away again, "it is quite natural, and very +possible, that you are here for no purpose, and I am here for no +purpose too; you might quite well have come to this little town for +amusement, and I have come for the money I might earn as a companion. +Or you might have drifted here by accident, as I might, without any +special reason--" She stopped as she spoke; they were fast approaching +the first house of the village now, and she held out her hand for the +basket. "I will take it," she said; "I have a very short distance to +go; thank you so much." + +"Let me carry it the rest of the way," he insisted; "I am going +through the village; we may as well go the rest of the way together, I +want you to tell me--" + +But Julia did not tell him anything, except that her way was by the +footpath which turned off to the right. "I could not think of +troubling you further," she said. "Thank you." + +She put her hand on the basket, so that he was obliged to yield it; +then, with another word of thanks, she said "good-evening," and +started by the path. + +For a moment he looked after her, annoyed and interested against his +will; of course, she meant nothing by her words about his purpose and +her own, still it gave him food for reflection about her, and the +apparent incongruity of her present surroundings. On the whole, he was +glad he had met her, partly for the entertainment she had given, and +partly for the opportunity he had had to apologise. + +An apology was due to her for the affair of last winter, he felt it; +though, at the same time, he could not hold himself much to blame in +the matter. He had gone to Marbridge to see into his young cousin's +affairs at the request of the boy's widowed mother. The affairs, as +might have been expected, were in muddle enough, and the boy himself +was incorrigibly silly and extravagant. The whole business needed tact +and patience, and in the end had not been very satisfactorily +arranged; during the process Captain Polkington's name had been +mentioned more than once; he figured, among other ways, of spending +much and getting little in return. Somehow or other Rawson-Clew had +got the impression that the Captain was--well, perhaps pretty much +what he really had come to be; and if that was not quite what his wife +had persuaded herself and half Marbridge to think him, surely no one +was to blame. The mistake made was about the Captain's wife and +daughters and position in the town; Rawson-Clew, in the first +instance, never gave them a thought; the Captain was a detached person +in his mind, and, as such, a possible danger to his cousin's loose +cash. He went to No. 27 to talk plainly to the man, not to tell him he +was a shark and an adventurer; it was the Captain himself who +translated and exaggerated thus; not even to tell him what he thought, +that he was a worthless old sponge, but to make it plain that things +would not go on as they had been doing. The girl's interruption had +been annoying, so ill-timed and out of place; she ought to have gone +at once when he suggested it; she had placed him and herself, too, in +an embarrassing position; yet, at the same time--he saw it now, though +he did not earlier--there was something quaint in the way she had both +metaphorically and actually stood between him and her miserable old +father. He had dictated the subsequent letter to the Captain more on +her account than anything else. He considered that by it he was making +her the amend honourable for the unfortunate interview of the +afternoon, as well as closing the incident. Of course, nothing real +was forfeited by the letter, for under no circumstances would the +money have been repaid; he never had any delusion about that. From +which it appears that his opinion of the Captain had not changed. + +As for his opinion of Julia, he had not one when he first saw her, +except that she had no business to be there; now, however, he felt +some little interest in her. There was very little that was +interesting in this small Dutch town; it was a refreshing change, he +admitted it to himself, to see a girl here who put her clothes on +properly; something of a change to meet one anywhere who did not at +once fall into one of the well-defined categories. + +Much in this world has to be lain at the door of opportunity, and +idleness in youth, and _ennui_ and boredom in middle ages. Rawson-Clew +was in the borderland between the two, and did not consider himself +open to the temptations of either. He was not idle, he had things to +do; and he was not bored, he had things to think about; but not enough +of either to prevent him from having a wide margin. + +When he met Julia again there was no reason for dropping the +acquaintance renewed through necessity. But also there was no +opportunity, on that occasion, for pushing it further, even if there +had been inclination, for she was not alone. + +It was on Saturday evening; she was walking down the same road, much +about the same time, but there was with her a tall, fair young man, +with a long face and loose limbs. He carried, of course, an +umbrella--that was part of his full dress--and the basket--he walked +between her and the cart track. She bowed sedately to Rawson-Clew, and +the young man, becoming tardily aware of it, took off his hat, rather +late, and with a sweeping foreign flourish. She wore a pair of cotton +gloves, and lifted her dress a few inches, and glanced shyly up at her +escort now and then as he talked. They were speaking Dutch, and she +was behaving Dutch, as plain and demure a person as it was possible to +imagine, until she looked back, then Rawson-Clew saw a very devil of +mockery and mischief flash up in her eyes. Only for a second; the +expression was gone before her head was turned again, and that was +decorously soon. But it had been there; it was like the momentary +parting of the clouds on a grey day; it illumined her whole face--her +mind, too, perhaps--as the eerie, tricky gleam, which is gone before a +man knows it, lights up the level landscape, and transforms it to +something new and strange. + +Rawson-Clew walked on ahead of the pair; he had to outpace them, since +he was bound the same way, and could not walk with them. He was not +sure that he was not rather sorry for Denah, the Dutch girl; one who +can laugh at herself as well as another, and all alone, too, is he +thought, rather apt to enjoy the incongruous more than the suitable. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +HOW JULIA DID NOT GET THE BLUE DAFFODIL + + +Vrouw Van Heigen was learning a new crochet pattern; one did it in +thread of a Sèvres blue shade; when several long strips were made, one +sewed them together with pieces of black satin between each two, and +there was an antimacassar of severe but rich beauty. Denah explained +all this as she set Mevrouw to work on the pattern; it was very +intricate, quite exciting, because it was so difficult; the more +excited the old lady became the more mistakes she made, but it did not +matter; Denah was patience itself, and did not seem to mind how much +time she gave. She came every day after dinner (that is to say, about +six o'clock), and when she came it was frequently found necessary that +Julia should go to inquire after the invalid cousin. Denah thought +herself the deepest and most diplomatic young woman in Holland; she +even found it in her heart to pity Julia, the poor companion, who she +used as a pawn in her romance. The which, since it was transparently +obvious to the pawn, gave her vast, though private, delight. + +So Julia went almost daily down the long flat road to the village, and +very often Rawson-Clew had to go that way too; and when he did, his +time of going being of necessity much the same time as hers, he was +almost bound to walk with her. There was but one way to the place; +they must either walk together in the middle of the road, or else +separately, one side of it; and seeing that they were of the same +nationality, in a foreign land, and had some previous acquaintance, it +would have been nothing short of absurd to have done the latter. So as +often as they met they walked together and talked of many things, and +in the course of time Rawson-Clew came to find Julia's company a good +deal more entertaining than his own; although she had read nothing she +ought to have read, seen nothing she ought to have seen, and +occasionally both thought and said things she certainly ought not, and +was not even conventionally unconventional. + +They usually parted at the footpath, which shortened her way a little, +Rawson-Clew giving her the basket there, and going down the road +alone; in consequence of this it was some time before she knew for +certain where it was he went, although she had early guessed. But one +damp evening she departed from her usual custom. It had been raining +heavily all day, and although it had cleared now, a thick mist lay +over the wet fields. + +"I shall have to go round by the road," she said, as she looked at the +track. + +Rawson-Clew agreed with her. "I am rather surprised that you came out +at all this evening," he remarked. "I should have thought your careful +friends would have been afraid of colds and wet feet." + +"Vrouw Van Heigen was," Julia answered, "but Denah and I were not. It +is the last opportunity we shall have for a little while; Joost goes +to Germany on business to-morrow." + +Rawson-Clew laughed. "Which means, I suppose," he said, "that she will +neglect the crochet work, and you will have to superintend it? Not +very congenial to you, is it?" + +"Good discipline," she told him. + +"And for that reason to be welcomed? Really you deserve to succeed in +whatever it is you are attempting; you do not neglect details." + +"Details are often important," she said; "stopping at home and doing +crochet work while Joost is in Germany, for instance, may help me a +good deal." + +The tone struck Rawson-Clew as implying more than the words said, but +he did not ask for an interpretation, and before long she had put a +question to him. They were nearing a large house that stood far back +from the road on the left hand side. It was a big block of a place, +greyish-white in colour, and with more than half of its windows +bricked up, indescribably gloomy. A long, straight piece of water lay +before it, stretching almost from the walls to the road, from which it +was separated by a low fence. Tall, thick trees grew in a close row on +either side, narrowing the prospect; a path ran up beside them on the +one hand, the only way to the house, but in the steamy mist which lay +thick over everything this evening one could hardly see it, and it +looked as if the place were unapproachable from the front. + +Julia glanced curiously towards the house; it was the only one of any +size or possible interest in the village; the only one, she had +decided some time ago, that Rawson-Clew could have any reason to +visit. + +As they approached the gate she ventured, "You go here, do you not?" + +"Yes," he answered; "to Herr Van de Greutz." + +"The cousin tells me he is a great chemist," Julia said. + +"He is," Rawson-Clew agreed, "and one much absorbed in his work; it is +impossible to see him even on business except in the evening." + +He paused by the gate as he spoke. "You have not much further to go, +have you?" he said. "Will you excuse me carrying your basket further? +I am afraid I am rather behind my time." + +Julia took the basket, assuring him she had no distance to carry it, +but her eyes as she said it twinkled with amusement; it was not really +late, and she knew it. + +"You are afraid of what will be said next," she thought as she looked +back at the man, who was already vanishing among the mists by the +lake. And the thought pleased her somewhat, for it suggested that +Rawson-Clew had a respect for her acumen, and also that her private +fancy--that the business which brought him here was not of a kind for +public discussion--was correct. + +The cousin was better that evening; she even expressed hopes of living +through the summer, a thing she had not done for more than three days. +Julia cheered and encouraged her in this belief (which, indeed, there +was every reason to think well founded) and gave her the messages and +dainties she had brought. After that they talked of the weather, which +was bad; and the neighbours, who, on the whole, were good. Julia knew +most of them by name by this time--the kind old Padre and his wife; +the captain of the little cargo-boat, who drank a little, and his +generous wife, who talked a great deal; the fat woman who kept fowls, +and the thin one who sometimes stole the eggs. Julia had heard all +about them before, but she heard over again, and a little about the +great chemist, Herr Van de Greutz, too. + +This great man was naturally only a name to the invalid and her +friends, but they had always plenty to say about him. He was so +distinguished that all the village felt proud to have him live on +their borders, and so disagreeable that they were decidedly in awe of +him. Of his domestic arrangements there was always talk; he lived in +his great gloomy house with an old housekeeper, whom Julia knew by +sight, and a young cook, whom she did not; the former was a +permanency, the latter very much the reverse, it being difficult to +find a cook equal to his demands who would for any length of time +endure the shortness of the housekeeper's temper, and the worse one of +her master. The domestic affairs of the chemist were a favourite +subject of gossip, but sometimes his attainments came in for mention +too; they did to-night, the cousin being in a garrulous mood. +According to her, the great man had done everything in science worth +mentioning, and was not only the first chemist in Holland, but in all +the world; he looked down on all others, she said, regarding two +Germans only as anything approaching his peers, all the English and +French being nothing to him. He had discovered a great many things, +dyes, poisons, and explosives; of the last he had recently perfected +one which was twenty-two times stronger than anything before known. +Its nature was, of course, a secret, but it would eventually raise the +little army of Holland far above those of all other nations. + +Julia listened, but especially to the last piece of information, which +struck her as being the one most likely to prove interesting. Soon +after hearing it, however, she was obliged to go. She made her +farewells, and received messages of affection for Mevrouw, condolence +for Mijnheer--who had a cold--and good wishes for Joost's journey. +Then she started homewards, with a light basket and a busy mind. + +It did not take her very long to decide that if there was any truth in +this talk of Van de Greutz's achievements, it must be the last +mentioned--the explosive--which brought Rawson-Clew here. Her judgment +of men, for working purposes at least, was quick and fairly accurate, +necessity and experience had helped Nature to make it so. There were +one or two things in connection with Rawson-Clew which were very clear +to her, he was not a scientist pure and simple; she had never met one, +but she knew he was not one, and so was not likely to be interested in +the great chemist for chemistry only. Nor was he a commercial man; +neither his instincts nor his abilities lay in that direction; it was +not a new process, not a trade secret which brought him here. Indeed, +even though he might appreciate the value of such things, he would +never dream of trying to possess himself of them. + +Julia understood perfectly the scale in which such acts stood to men +like Rawson-Clew. To attempt to master a man's discovery for one's own +ends (as in a way she was doing) was impossible, rank dishonesty, +never even contemplated; to do it for business purposes--well, he +might admit it was sometimes necessary in business--commerce had its +morality as law, and the army had theirs--but it was not a thing he +would ever do himself, he would not feel it exactly honourable. But to +attempt to gain a secret for national use was quite another thing, not +only justifiable but right, more especially if, as was probably the +case, the attempt was in fulfilment of a direct order. If after Herr +Van de Greutz had a secret worth anything to England, it was that +which had brought Rawson-Clew to the little town. She was as sure of +it as she was that it was the blue daffodil which had brought her. + +The hateful blue daffodil! Daily, to possess it grew more imperative. +The intercourse with this man, the curious seeming equality that was +being established between them, cried aloud for the paying of the +debt, and the establishing of the reality of equality. She longed +almost passionately to be able to regard herself, to know that the man +had reason to regard her, as his equal. And yet to possess the thing +seemed daily more difficult; more and more plainly did she see that +bribery, persuasion, cajolery were alike useless. The precious bulb +could be got in one way, and one only; it would never fall into her +hands by skilful accident, or nicely stimulated generosity; she must +take it, or she must do without it. She must get it for herself as +deliberately as, in all probability, Rawson-Clew meant to get Herr Van +de Greutz's secret. + +She raised her head and looked at the flat, wet landscape with +unseeing eyes that were contemptuous. How different two not dissimilar +acts could be made to look! If she took the daffodil--and she would +have unique opportunity to try during the next two days--Rawson-Clew +would regard her as little better than a common thief; that is, if he +happened to know about it. She winced a little as she thought of the +faint expression of surprise the knowledge would call up in his +impassive face and cold grey eyes. She could well imagine the slight +difference in his manner to her afterwards, scarcely noticeable to the +casual observer, impossible to be overlooked by her. She told herself +she did not care what he thought; but she did. Pride was grasping at a +desired, but impossible, equality with this man, and here, were the +means used only known, was the nearest way to lose it. At times he had +forgotten the gap of age and circumstances between them--really +forgotten it, she knew, not only ignored it in his well-bred way. He +had for a moment really regarded her as an equal; not, perhaps, as he +might the women of his class, rather the men of like experience and +attainments with himself. That was not what she wanted, but she +recognised plainly that in grasping at a shadowy social feminine +equality by paying the debt, she might well lose this small substance +of masculine equality, for there is no gulf so unbridgeable between +man and man as a different standard of honour. + +But after all, she asked herself, what did it matter? He need not +know; she would pay, fulfilling her word, and proving her father an +honest man (which he was not); the debtor could not know how it was +done. And if he did, what then? If she told him herself--he would know +no other way--she would do it deliberately with the set purpose of +tarring him with the same brush; she would show him how his attempt on +Herr Van de Greutz might also be made to look. He would not be +convinced, of course, but at bottom the two things were so related +that it would be surprising if she did not get a few shafts home. He +would not show the wounds then, but they would be there; they would +rankle; there would be some humiliation for him, too. A curious light +crept into her eyes at the thought; she was surer of being able to +reduce him than of exalting herself, and it is good, when +circumstances prevent one from mounting, to drag a superior to the +level of one's humiliation. For a moment she understood something of +the feelings of the brute mob that throws mud. + +By this time she had reached the town, though almost without knowing +it; so deep was she in her thoughts that she did not see Joost coming +towards her. He had been to escort Denah, who had thoughtfully +forgotten to provide herself with a cloak; he was now coming back, +carrying the wrap his mother had lent her. + +Julia started when she became aware of him just in front of her. She +was not pleased to see him; she had no room for him in her mind just +then; he seemed incongruous and out of place. She even looked at him a +little suspiciously, as if she were afraid the fermenting thoughts in +her brain might make themselves felt by him. + +He turned and walked beside her. "I have been to take home Miss +Denah," he explained. "I saw you a long way off, and thought perhaps I +might escort you; but you are angry; I am sorry." + +Julia could not forbear smiling at him. "I am not angry," she said, as +she would to a child; "I was only thinking." + +"Of something unpleasant, then, that makes you angry?" + +"No; of something that must have been enjoyable. I was thinking how, +in the French Revolution, the women of the people must have enjoyed +throwing mud at the women of the aristocrats; how they must have liked +scratching the paint and the skin from their faces, and tearing their +hair down, and their clothes off." + +Joost stared in amazement. "Do you call that not unpleasant?" he said. +"It is the most grievous, the most pitiable thing in all the world." + +"For the aristocrats, yes," Julia agreed; "but for the others? Can you +not imagine how they must have revelled in it?" + +Joost could not; he could not imagine anything violent or terrible, +and Julia went on to ask him another question, which, however, she +answered herself. + +"Do you know why the women of the people did it? It was not only because +the others had food and they had not; I think it was more because the +aristocrats had a thousand other things that they had not, and could +never have--feelings, instincts, pleasures, traditions--which they could +not have had or enjoyed even if they had been put in palaces and dressed +like queens. It was the fact that they could never, never rise to them, +that helped to make them so furious to pull all down." + +There was a sincerity of conviction in her tone, but Joost only said, +"You cannot enjoy to think of such things; it is horrible and +pitiable to remember that human creatures became so like beasts." + +Julia's mood altered. "Pitiable, yes; perhaps you are right. After +all, we are pitiful creatures, and, under the thin veneer, like enough +to the beasts." Then she changed the subject abruptly, and began to +talk of his flowers. + +But he was not satisfied with the change; instinctively he felt she +was talking to his level. "Why do you always speak to me of bulbs and +plants?" he said. "Do you think I am interested in nothing else?" + +"No," she said; "I speak of them because I am interested. Do you not +believe me? It is quite true; you yourself have said that I should +make a good florist; already I have learnt a great deal, although I +have not been here long, and knew nothing before I came." + +"That is so," he admitted; "you are very clever. Nevertheless, I do +not think, if you were alone now, you would be thinking of plants. You +were not when I met you; it was the Revolution, or, perhaps, human +nature--you called it the Revolution in a parable, as you often do +when you speak your thoughts." + +"Why do you trouble about my thoughts?" Julia said, impatiently. "How +do you know what I think?" + +"Perhaps I don't," he answered; "only sometimes it seems to me your +voice tells me though your words do not." + +"My voice?" + +"Yes; it is full of notes like a violin, and speaks more than words. I +suppose all voices have many notes really, but people do not often use +them; they use only a few. You use many; that is why I like to listen +to you when you talk to my parents, or any one. It is like a master +playing on an instrument; you make simple words mean much, more than I +understand sometimes; you can caress and you can laugh with your +voice; I have heard you do it when I have not been able to understand +what you caress, or at what you laugh, any more than an ignorant +person can understand what the violin says, although he may enjoy to +hear it. To-night you do not caress or laugh; there is something black +in your thoughts." + +"That is human nature, as you say," Julia said shortly, ignoring the +comment on her voice. "Human nature is a hateful, ugly thing; there is +no use in thinking about it." + +"It has certainly fallen," Joost allowed; "but I have sometimes +thought perhaps, if it were not so, it would be a little--a very +little--monotonous." + +"You would not find it dull," Julia told him. "I believe you would not +have got on very well in the Garden of Eden, except that, since all +the herbs grew after their own kind, there would be no opportunity to +hybridise them." + +But the mystery of production and generation, even in the vegetable +world, was not a subject that modesty permitted Joost to discuss with +a girl. His manner showed it, to her impatient annoyance, as he +hastily introduced another aspect of man's first estate. "If we were +not fallen," he added, "we should have no opportunity to rise. That, +indeed, would be a loss; is it not the struggle which makes the grand +and fine characters which we admire?" + +"I don't admire them," Julia returned; "I admire the people who are +born good, because they are a miracle." + +He stopped to unfasten the gate; it did not occur to him that she was +thinking of himself. + +"I cannot agree with you," he said, as they went up the drive +together. "Rather, I admire those who have fought temptation, who are +strong, who know and understand and have conquered; they inspire me to +try and follow. What inspiration is there in the other? Consider Miss +Denah, for an example; she has perhaps never wanted to do more wrong +than to take her mother's prunes, but is there inspiration in her? She +is as soft and as kind as a feather pillow, and as inspiring. But +you--you told me once you were bad; I did not believe you; I did not +understand, but now I know your meaning. You have it in your power to +be bad or to be good; you know which is which, for you have seen +badness, and know it as men who live see it. You have fought with it +and conquered; you have struggled, you do struggle, you have strength +in you. That is why you are like a lantern that is sometimes bright +and sometimes dim, but always a beacon." + +"I am nothing of the sort," Julia said sharply. They were in the dense +shadow of the trees, so he could not see her face, but her voice +sounded strange to him. "You do not know what you are talking about," +she said; "hardly in my life have I asked myself if a thing is right +or wrong--do you understand me? Right and wrong are not things I think +about." + +"It is quite likely," he said, serenely; "different persons have +different names for the same things, as you have once said; one calls +it 'honourable' and 'dishonourable,' and another 'right' and 'wrong,' +and another 'wise' and 'unwise.' But it is always the same thing; it +means to choose the more difficult path that leads to the greater end, +and leave the other way to the lesser and smaller souls." + +Julia caught her breath with a little gasping choke. Joost turned and +looked at her, puzzled at last; but though they had now reached the +house, and the lamplight shone on her, he could make out nothing; she +brushed past him and went in quickly. + +The next day Joost started for Germany. It rained more or less all +day, and Julia did not go out, except for half-an-hour during the +morning, when she was obliged to go marketing. She met Denah bound on +the same errand, and heard from her, what she knew already, that she +would not be able to come and superintend the crochet that day. And +being in a black and reckless mood, she had the effrontery to laugh a +silent, comprehending little laugh in the face of the Dutch girl's +elaborate explanations. Denah was a good deal annoyed, and, though her +self-esteem did not allow her to realise the full meaning of the +offence, she did not forget it. + +Julia went home with her purchases, and spent the rest of the day in +the usual small occupations. It was an interminably long day she +found. She contrived to hide her feelings, however, and behaved +beautifully, giving the suitable attention and suitable answers to all +Mevrouw's little remarks about the weather, and Joost's wet journey +(though, since he was in the train, Julia could not see that the wet +mattered to him), and about Mijnheer's cold, which was very bad +indeed. + +The day wore on. Julia missed Joost's presence at meals; they were not +in the habit of talking much to each other at such times, it is true, +but she always knew when she talked to his parents that he was +listening, and putting another and fuller interpretation on her words. +That was stimulating and pleasant too; it was a new form of +intercourse, and she did not pretend she did not enjoy it for itself, +as well as for the opportunity it gave her of probing his mind and +trying different ideas on him. + +At last dinner was over, and tea; the tea things were washed, and the +long-neglected fancy work brought out. A clock in the passage struck +the hour when, of late, after an exhilirating verbal skirmish with the +anxious Denah, she had set out for the village and Rawson-Clew. + +She did not pretend to herself that she did not enjoy that too, she +did immensely; there was a breath from the outside world in it; there +was sometimes the inspiring clash of wits, of steel on steel, always +the charm of educated intercourse and quick comprehension. To-night +there was nothing; no exercise to stir the blood, no solitude to +stimulate the imagination, no effort of talk or understanding to rouse +the mind. Nothing but to sit at work, giving one-eighth of attention +to talk with Mevrouw--more was not needed, and the rest to the blue +daffodils that lay securely locked up in a place only too well known. + +Evening darkened, grey and dripping, to-night, supper-getting time +came, and the hour for locking up the barns. Mijnheer, snuffling and +wheezing a good deal, put on a coat, a mackintosh, a comforter, a pair +of boots and a pair of galoshes; took an umbrella, the lantern, a +great bunch of keys, and went out. Julia watched him go, and said +nothing; she had been the rounds a good many times with Joost now; the +family had talked about it more than once, and about her bravery with +regard to rats and robbers. Neither of the old people would have been +surprised if she had volunteered to go in place of Mijnheer, even if +his cold had not offered a reason for such a thing. But she did not do +it; he went alone, and the blue daffodil bulbs lay snug in their +locked place. + +The next day it still rained, but a good deal harder. There was a +sudden drop in the temperature, too, such as one often finds in an +English summer. The Van Heigens did not have a fire on that account, +their stoves always kept a four months' sabbath; the advent of a +snow-storm in July would not have been allowed to break it. Mijnheer's +cold was decidedly worse; towards evening it grew very bad. He came in +early from the office, and sat and shivered in the sitting-room with +Julia and his wife, who was continuing the crochet unaided, and so +laying up much future work for Denah. At last it was considered dark +enough for the lamp to be lighted. Julia got up and lit it, and drew +the blind, shutting out the grey sheet of the canal and the slanting +rain. + +"Dear me," Mevrouw said once again, "how bad the rain must be for +Joost!" + +Julia agreed, but reminded her--also once again--that it was possibly +not raining in Germany. + +Mijnheer looked up from his paper to remark that the weather was very +bad for the crops. + +"It is bad for every one," his wife rejoined; "but worse of all for +you. You should be in bed. Indeed, it is not fit that you should be +up; the house is like a cellar this evening." + +Mijnheer did not suggest the remedy of a fire; he, too, shared the +belief that stoves should not be lighted before the appointed time; he +only protested at the idea of bed. "Pooh!" he said. "Make myself an +invalid with Joost away! Will you go and nurse my nose, and put +plasters on my chest? Go to bed now, do you say? No, no, my dear, I +will sit here; I am comfortable enough; I read my paper, I smoke my +cigar; by and by, I go out to see that my barns are all safe for the +night." + +But at this Mevrouw gave an exclamation; the idea of his going out in +such weather was terrible, she said, and she said it a good many +times. + +Julia bent over her work; she heard the swish of the rain on the +window, the uneven sob of the fitful wind; she heard the old people +talk, the husband persist, the wife protest. She did not look up; her +eyes were fixed on her needle, but she hardly saw it; more plainly she +saw the dark barns, the crowded shelves, the place where the blue +daffodils were. She could find them with perfect ease; could choose +one in the dark as easily as Mijnheer himself; she could substitute +for it another, one of the common sort of the same shape and size; no +one would be the wiser; even when it bloomed, with the simple yellow +flower that has beautified spring woods so long, no one would know it +was not a sport of nature, a throw back to the original parent. It was +the simplest thing in all the world; the safest. Not that that +recommended it; she would rather it had been difficult or dangerous, +it would have savoured more of a fair fight and less of trickery. +Besides, such safety was nothing; anything can be made safe with care +and forethought. + +She caught her own name in the talk now; husband and wife were +speaking lower, evidently arguing as to the propriety of asking her to +go the rounds; for a moment she pretended not to hear, then she raised +her head, contempt for her own weakness in her mind. It is not +opportunity that makes thieves of thinking folk, and she knew it; +rather it is the thief that makes opportunity, if he is up to his +work. Why should she be afraid to go to the barns? She would not take +the daffodil the more for going; if she meant to do it, and, through +cowardice, let this opportunity slip, she would soon find another. And +if she did not mean to, the proximity of the thing would not make her +take it. + +She put down her work. "I will lock up for you, Mijnheer; give me the +keys." + +He protested, and his wife protested, much more feebly, and thanked +her for going the while. They gave her many directions, and told her +she must put on this, that, and the other, and must be careful not to +get her feet wet, and really need not to be too particular in +examining all the doors. She answered them with impatient politeness, +as one does who is waiting for the advent of a greater matter; she +was not irritated by the trivial interruptions which came between her +and the decision which was yet to be made; it was somehow so great to +her that it seemed as if it could wait. At last she was off, +Mijnheer's galoshes wallowing about her feet, his black-caped +mackintosh thrown round her shoulders. She had neither hat nor +umbrella. Mevrouw literally wailed when she started; but it made no +impression, she came of the nation most indifferent to getting wet, +and most-susceptible to death by consumption of any in Europe. + +She slopped along in the great galoshes, her back to the lighted house +now, her face to the dark barns. There they were, easily accessible, +waiting for her. Was she to take one, or was she not? She did not give +herself any excuse for taking it, or tell herself that one out of six +was not much; or that Joost, could he know the case, would not have +grudged her one of his precious bulbs. There was only one thing she +admitted--it was there, and her need for it was great. With it she +could pay a debt that was due, show her father an honourable man, and, +seeing that the affair could always remain secret, raise herself +nearer to Rawson-Clew's level. Without it she could not. + +She had come to the first barn now, and, unbarring the door, went in. +Almost oppressive came the dry smell of the bulbs to her; very +familiar, too, as familiar as the distorted shadows that her lantern +made. Together they brought vividly to her mind the first time she +went the rounds with Joost--the night when she told him she was bad, +the worst person he knew. Poor Joost, he had interpreted her words his +own way; she remembered very plainly what he said but two nights +ago--right and wrong, honourable and dishonourable, wise and unwise, +they meant the same thing to different people, the choosing of the +higher, the leaving of the lower--and he believed no less of her. That +belief, surely, was a thing that fought on the side of the angels? And +then there was that other man, able, well-bred, intellectual, her +superior, who had treated her as an equal, and so tacitly demanded +that she should conform to his code of honour. And there was Johnny +Gillat, poor, old round-faced Johnny, who, under his silly, shabby +exterior, had somewhere, quite understood, the same code, and standard +of a gentleman, and never doubted but that she had it too--surely +these two, also, were on the side of the angels? + +But it was not a matter of angels, neither was it a matter of this +man's thought, or that. At bottom, it seemed all questions could be +brought to plain terms--What do I think? I, alone in the big, black, +contradictory world. Julia realised it, and asked herself what it +mattered if he, if they, if all the world called it wrong? +What--pitiless, logical question--was wrong? Why should to take in one +case be so called, and in another not? By whose word, and by what law +was a thing thus, and why was she to submit to it? + +She faced the darkness, the lantern at her feet, her back against the +shelves, and asked herself the world-old question; and, like many +before her, found no answer, because logic, merciless solvent of faith +and hope and law, never answers its own riddles. Only, as she stood +there, there rose up before her mind's eye the face of Joost, with its +simple gravity, its earnest, trusting blue eyes. She saw it, and she +saw the humble dignity with which he had shown her his six bulbs. Not +as a proud possessor shows a treasure, rather as an adept shares some +secret of his faith or art; so had he placed them in her power, given +her a chance to so use this trust. She almost groaned aloud as she +recalled him, and recalled, sorely against her will, a horrible tale +she had once read, of a Brahmin who murdered a little child for her +worthless silver anklets. Joost was a veritable child to her, +powerless before her ability, trusting in her good faith, a child +indeed, even if he had not placed his secret in her grasp. And it was +he--this child--that she, with her superior strength, was going to +rob! + +She shivered. Why was he not Rawson-Clew? Why could not he take better +care of himself and his possessions? She could have done it with a +light heart then; there would have been a semblance of fight in it; +but now--now it could not be done. Logic, the pitiless solvent, has no +action on those old long-transmitted instincts; it may argue with, but +it cannot destroy, those vague yearnings of the natural man towards +righteousness. Julia did not argue, she only obeyed; she did not know +why. + +She picked up the lantern, and moved to go; as she did so, the barn +door, lightly fastened, blew open. A rush of rain and wind swept in, +the smell of the wet earth, and the sight of the tossing trees, and +massed clouds that fled across the sky. For a moment she stood and +looked, hearing the wild night voices, the sob of the wet wind, the +rustle and mutter of the trees--those primitive inarticulate things +that do not lie. And in her heart she felt very weary of shams and +pretences, very hungry for the rest of reality and truth. She turned +away, and made the round of the barns systematically, and without +haste; she did not hurry past the resting-place of the blue daffodils, +they were safe from her now and always. + +It was not till some weeks later that she saw, and not then without +also seeing it was quite impossible to disprove the proposition, that +there was something grimly absurd in the idea which had possessed her +that night--the thought of stealing to prove a lie, and acting +dishonourably to pay a debt of honour. At the time she did not think +at all, she acted on instinct only. Thank God for those dumb +instincts, making for righteousness, which, in spite of theologians, +are implanted somewhere in the heart of man. + +So she went the rounds, fastened the barns, and came out of the last +one, locking the door after her. Outside, she stood a second, the rain +falling upon her bare head, the wind blowing her cloak about her. And +she did not feel triumphant or victorious, nor reluctant and +contemptuous of her weakness; only somehow apart and alone, and very, +very tired. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +POOFERCHJES AND JEALOUSY + + +The Polkingtons were launching out; not ostentatiously with expensive +entertainments or anything striking, but in all small ways, scarcely +noticeable except in general effect, but none the less expensive. They +could not afford it; the past nine months had been very difficult, +first the Captain's unfortunate misuse of the cheque, then Violet's +engagement and the necessary entertainment that it involved, and then +her wedding. Financially they were in a very bad way, but that did not +prevent them spending--or owing--in a rather lordly fashion. Mrs. +Polkington with one daughter married, and another safely out of the +way, seemed determined to take the field well with the remaining one. +Chèrie was quite ready to second the effort, indeed, she was the +instigator; she was not only the prettiest of the sisters, but also +the most ease loving, and though ambitious, less clever than the +others, and a great deal more short-sighted. She had for some time +ceased to be content with the position at Marbridge and the society +there; she wanted to be recognised by the "county." This desire had +been growing of late, for there had been a very eligible and +attractive bachelor addition to that charmed circle, and he had more +than once looked admiration her way. She and her mother went to work +well and spared neither time nor trouble; not much result could be +expected during the summer months, little done then except get +ready--an expensive proceeding. It was when September brought people +home for the partridge shooting and October's pheasants kept them +there till hunting began, that they expected their success and the +return for their outlay, and they were quite content to wait for it. + +Their plans and doings were naturally not confided to any one, not +even Julia; she heard seldom from Marbridge; the family feelings were +of a somewhat utilitarian order, based largely on mutual benefit. She +wrote now and then; she happened to do so on the day after the one on +which she did not take the blue daffodil; and she mentioned in this +letter that it was possible she should be home again soon. Seeing that +she had decided the daffodil was unobtainable she saw little reason +for staying longer; this of course she did not mention when she wrote. +Somewhat to her surprise she got an almost immediate reply to her +letter. + +It would not suit Mrs. Polkington and Chèrie to have Julia back soon +at all; it is always easier to swim socially with one daughter than +two, especially if the second is not good-looking. Also, Julia, +cautious, long-headed and capable, was certain to criticise their +proceedings and do her best to interfere with them. She would be wrong +in her judgments, of course, and they right; they were sure of that, +but they did not want the trouble of attempting to convert her, and +anyhow, they felt they could do much better without her, and Mrs. +Polkington wrote and intimated as much politely. She gave several +excellent reasons, all of which were perfectly transparent to Julia, +though that did not matter, seeing that she was sufficiently hurt in +her feelings, or her pride, to at once determine to fulfil her +mother's wishes and do anything rather than go where she was not +wanted. + +There was not much said of the plans and doings in Mrs. Polkington's +letter, but a little crept in almost without the writer's knowledge, +enough to rouse Julia's suspicions. Why, she asked herself, was her +mother suddenly enamoured with the beauty of Chippendale furniture? +How did she know that Sturt's (the tailor's) prices were lower for +costumes this season? And in what way had she become aware what the +Ashton's last parlour-maid thought, if she had not engaged that young +woman for her own service? Julia was at once uneasy and disgusted; the +last alike with the proceedings themselves and the attempt to deceive +her about them. And another letter she received at the same time did +not make her any more satisfied; it was from Johnny Gillat, about as +silly and uninforming a letter as ever man wrote, but it contained one +piece of information. Mr. Gillat was going to have a great excitement +in the early autumn--Captain Polkington was coming to London, perhaps +for as long as three months. Johnny did not know why; he thought +perhaps to have some treatment for his rheumatism; Mrs. Polkington had +arranged it. Julia did know why, and the short-sightedness of the +policy roused her contempt. To thus put the family drawback out of the +way, and leave him to his own devices and Mr. Gillat's care, seemed to +her as unwise towards him as it was unkind to Johnny. She would have +written that minute to expostulate with her mother if she had not just +then been called away. + +These two disturbing letters arrived on the day that Joost came home +from Germany, after the English mail for the day had gone. Julia +comforted herself with this last fact when she was called before she +had time to write to her mother; she could write when she went to bed +that night; the letter would go just as soon as if it was written now; +so she went to answer Mevrouw's summons to admire the carved crochet +hook her son had brought her as a present from Germany. Joost had +brought several small presents besides the crochet hook, a pipe for +his father, and two other trifles--a small vase and a photograph of a +plant which was the pride of the Berlin gardens that year--an aloe, no +yucca, but one of the true rare blooming sort, in full flower. Julia +was asked to take her choice of these two; she chose the photograph +because it seemed to her much more characteristic of the giver, and +also because it was easier to put away. She had no idea of pleasing +Joost by so doing; to tell the truth she hardly felt desirous of +pleasing him, for though she had refrained from taking his blue +daffodil and was in a way satisfied that she had done so, she did not +feel exactly grateful to him for unconsciously standing between her +and it, from which some may conclude that virtue was not an indigenous +plant with Julia. + +When Denah arrived after dinner she was given the vase. Before Joost +went away she had expressed in his hearing a wish that she had +something from Berlin; she had said it rather pronouncedly as one +might express a desire for a bear from the Rocky Mountains, or a ruby +from Burmah; she could hardly have received one of those with more +enthusiasm than she did the vase. She admired it from every point of +view and thanked Joost delightedly; the delight, however, was a little +modified when Mijnheer let slip the fact that Julia also had a present +from Berlin. + +"Have you?" she asked suspiciously. "What is it? Show me." + +Julia fetched the photograph and exhibited it with as little elation +as possible. Denah did not admire it greatly, she said she much +preferred her own present. + +At this Joost smiled a little; it was only what he expected, and +Julia began tactfully to talk about the beauties of the vase; but +Denah was not to be put off her main point. + +"Do you not prefer mine; really and truly, would you not rather it had +been yours?" she asked. + +Julia could have slipped out of the answer quite easily; the +Polkingtons were all good at saying things to be interpreted according +to taste; but Joost, with signal idiocy, stepped in and prevented. + +"No," he said, "she preferred the photograph; she chose it of the +two." + +At this intelligence Denah's face was a study; Julia could not but be +amused by it although she was sorry. She did not want to make the girl +jealous, it was absurd that she should be; but absurdity never +prevents such things, and would not now, nor would it make her +pleasanter if she were once fairly roused. Julia smoothed matters over +as well as she could, which was very well considering, though she +failed to entirely allay Denah's suspicions. + +As soon after as she could she set out for the village, leaving the +field to the Dutch girl, and carrying with her enough unpleasant +thoughts on other things to prevent her from giving any more +consideration to the silly spasm of jealousy. She had thrust her two +letters from England into her pocket, and as she went she kept turning +and turning their news in her mind though without much result. There +seemed very little she could do except prevent the banishing of her +father to London. She would write to her mother about that, and, what +might be rather more effective, to Mr. Gillat. She could tell him it +must not happen, and instruct him how to place obstacles in the way; +he would do his best to fulfil her requests, she was sure, even to +going down to Marbridge and establishing himself there about the time +of her father's intended departure. But with regard to the rest of her +mother's plans, or Chèrie's, whichever it might be, there seemed +nothing to be done. To write would be useless; to go home, even if she +swallowed her pride and did so, very little better; of course she had +not anything very definite to go upon, only a hint here and there, yet +she guessed pretty well what they were doing, what spending, and what +they thought to get by it. The old, long-headed Julia feared for the +result; Mrs. Polkington, clever though she undoubtedly was, had never +succeeded in big ventures; she had not the sort of mind for it; she +had never made a wholly successful big stride; her real climbing had +been done very slowly, so the old Julia feared for her. And the new +one, who had grown up during the past months, revolted against the +whole thing, finding it sordid, despicable, dishonourable even, +somehow all wrong. And perhaps because the old cautious Julia could do +nothing to avert the consequences, the newer nature was in the +ascendant that evening, and consequences were in time forgotten, and +disgust and weariness and shame--which included self and all things +connected with it--took possession of the girl. + +By and by she heard a step behind her--Rawson-Clew. She had forgotten +his existence; she was almost sorry to be reminded of it; she felt so +ashamed of herself and her people, so conscious of the gulf between +them and him. So very conscious of this last that she suddenly felt +disinclined for the effort of struggling to hide or bridge it. + +He caught up with her. "How has the crochet progressed this week under +your care?" he asked her lightly. + +"It has not progressed," she answered; "there are enough mistakes in +it now to occupy Denah for a long time." + +He took her basket from her, and she looked at him thoughtfully. He +was just the same as usual, quiet, drawling voice, eyeglass, +everything--she wondered if he were ever different; how he would act, +say, in her circumstances. If they could change bodies, now, and he be +Julia Polkington, with her relations, needs and opportunities, what +would he do? Would he still be impassive, deliberate, equal to all +occasions? Would he find it easy to keep his inviolable laws of +good-breeding and honour, and so forth? + +"There is something I should like to ask you," she said suddenly. + +"Yes?" he inquired. + +"Is it much trouble to you to be honest?" + +He was a little surprised, though not so much as he would have been +earlier in their acquaintance. "That," he said, "I expect rather +depends on what you mean by honest. I imagine you don't refer to lying +and stealing, and that sort of thing, since nobody finds it difficult +to avoid them." + +"They are not gentlemanly?" she suggested. + +"I don't know that I ever looked at it in that way," he said; "or, +indeed, any way. One does not think about those sort of things; one +does not do them, that's all." + +She nodded. The careless change of pronoun, which in a way included +her with himself, was not lost upon her. + +"In the matter of half-truths," she inquired; "how about them?" + +"I don't think I have given that subject consideration either," he +answered, rather amused; "there does not seem any need at my age. One +does things, or one does not; abstractions don't appeal to most men +after thirty." + +Again Julia nodded. "It looks to me," she said, "as if you take your +morality, like your dinner, as a matter of course; it's always there; +you don't have to bother after it; you don't really know how it comes, +or what it is worth." + +Now and then Rawson-Clew had observed in his acquaintance with Julia, +she said things which had a way of lighting him up to himself; this +was one of the occasions. "Possibly you are right," he said, with +faint amusement. "How do you take yours? Let us consider yours; I am +sure it would be a great deal more interesting." + +"There would be more variety in it," she said significantly. + +"What is your opinion about half-truths?" he inquired, with grave +mimicry of her. + + "'Half a truth, however small, + Is better than no truth at all,'" + +she quoted. "That is so; it is better, safer to deal with--to explain +away if it is found out, to deceive with if it is not. But it is not +half so easy as the whole truth; that is the easiest thing in the +world; it takes no ingenuity, no brains, no courage, no acting, no +feeling the pulse of your people, no bolstering up or watching or +remembering. If I wanted to teach the beauty of truth, I would set my +pupils to do a little artistic white lying on their own account, to +make things look four times as good as they really were, and not to +forget to make them square together, that would teach them the +advantage of truth." + +"Do you think so?" Rawson-Clew said. "It is not the usual opinion; +fools and cowards are generally supposed to be the great dealers in +deceit and subterfuge." + +"May be," Julia allowed; "but I don't happen to have come across that +sort much; the other I have, and I am just about sick of it--I am sick +of pretending and shamming and double-dealing, of saying one thing and +implying another, and meaning another still--you don't know what it +feels like, you have never had to do it; you wouldn't, of course; very +likely you couldn't, even. I am weary of it; I am weary of the whole +thing." + +Rawson-Clew screwed the glass into his eye carefully but did not look +at her; he had an idea she would rather not. "What is it?" he asked +kindly. "What has gone wrong to-night? Too much pudding again?" + +"No," she answered, with a quick, if partial, recovery; "too much +humbug, too much self. I have seen a great deal of myself lately, and +it's hateful." + +"I cannot agree with you." + +"Do you like having a lot of yourself?" + +"No; I like yourself." + +She laughed a little; in her heart she was pleased, but she only said, +"I don't; I know what it really is." + +"And I do not?" + +"No," she answered; then, with a sudden determination to tell him the +worst, and to deal in this newly admired honesty, she said, "I will +tell you, though. You remember my father? You may have politely +forgotten him, or smoothed out your recollections of him--remember him +now; he is just about what you thought him." + +"Indeed?" the tone was that one of polite interest, which she had come +to know so well. "Your shoe is unfastened; may I tie it for you? The +question is," he went on, as he stooped to her shoe, "what did I think +of your father? I'm sure I don't know, and I hardly think you are in +a position to, either." + +She moved impatiently, so that the shoelace slipped out of his hand, +and he had to begin all over again. It was a very shabby shoe; at +another time she might have minded about it, and even refused to have +it fastened on that account; to-night she did not care, which was +perhaps as well, for Rawson-Clew knew long ago all about the +shabbiness--the only thing he did not know before was the good shape +of the foot inside. + +"I know perfectly well what you thought my father," she said; "if you +have forgotten, I will remind you. You did not think him an +adventurer, I know; of course, you saw he had not brains enough." + +But here the shoe tying was finished, and Rawson-Clew intimated +politely that he was not anxious to be reminded of things he had +forgotten. "You began by saying you would tell me about yourself," he +said; "will you not go on?" + +"I have more brains than my father," she said, "and no more +principles." + +"_Ergo_--you succeed where he falls short; in fact, you are an +adventuress--is that it? My dear child, you neither are, nor ever +could be; believe me, I really do know, though, as you have indicated, +my morality is rather mechanical and my experience much as other +men's. You see, I, too, have graduated in the study of humanity in the +university of cosmopolis; I don't think my degree is as high as yours, +and I certainly did not take it so young, but I believe I know an +adventuress when I see one. You will never do in that walk of life; I +don't mean to insinuate that you haven't brains enough, or that you +would ever lose your head; it isn't that you would lose, it's your +heart." + +"I haven't;" Julia cried hotly. "I have not lost my heart; that has +nothing to do with it." + +"I did not say that you had," Rawson-Clew reminded her; "of course +not, you have not lost it, and could not easily. I did not mean that; +I only meant that it would interfere with your success as an +adventuress." + +"It would not," Julia persisted; "I don't care about people a bit; it +isn't that, it is simply that I am sick of deception, that is why I am +telling you the truth. And as for the other thing--the daffodil"--she +forgot that he did not know about it--"I couldn't take it from any one +so silly, so childish, so trusting." + +"Of course not," Rawson-Clew said. "I don't know what the daffodil +thing is, nor from whom you could not take it--please don't tell me; I +never take the slightest interest in other people's business, it bores +me. But, you see, you bear out what I say; you are of those strong who +are merciful; you would make no success as an adventuress. Besides, +your tastes are too simple; I have some recollections of your +mentioning corduroy--er--trousers and a diet of onions as the height +of your ambition." + +Julia laughed in spite of herself. "That is only when I retire," she +said. "I haven't retired yet; until I do I am--" + +"The incarnation of the seven deadly sins?" Rawson-Clew finished for +her, with a smile in his eyes. "No doubt of it; I expect that is what +makes you good company." + +So, after all, it came about that she did not get her confession made +in full. But, then, there hardly seemed need for it; it appeared that +Rawson-Clew already knew a great deal about her, and did not think the +worse of her for it. Rather it seemed he thought better than she had +even believed; he, himself, too, was rather different--there had +crept a note of warmth and personality into their acquaintance which +had not been there before. Julia had pleasant thoughts for company on +her homeward walk, in spite of the worry of the letters she carried +with her; she even for a moment had an idea of putting the matter they +contained before Rawson-Clew and asking his advice; that is, if the +friendship which had begun to dawn on their acquaintance that evening +grew yet further. It did grow, but she did not ask him, loyalty to her +family prevented; there were, however, plenty of other things to talk +about, and the friendship got on well until the end came. + +The end came about the time of the annual fair. This fair was a great +event in the little town; it only lasted three days, and only the +middle one of the three was important, or in the least provocative of +disorder; but--so Mijnheer said--it upset business very much. After +inquiry as to how this came about, Julia learnt that it was found +necessary to give the workmen a holiday on the principal day. They got +so drunk the night before, that most of them were unfit for work, and +a few even had the hardihood to stop away entirely, so as to devote +the whole day to getting drunk again. Under these circumstances, +Mijnheer made a virtue of necessity, and gave a whole holiday to the +entire staff. + +"Does the office have a holiday too?" Julia asked. + +Mijnheer nodded. "These young fellows," he said, "are all for +holidays; they are not like their fathers. Now it is always 'I must +ride on my wheel; I must row in my boat; I must play my piano; let us +put the work away as soon as we can, and forget it.' It was not so in +my young days; then we worked, or we slept; playing was for children. +There were some great men of business in those days." + +Julia was not in a position to contradict this; she only said, "It is +a real holiday, then, like a bank holiday in England?" + +"A real holiday, yes," he answered her; "a holiday for you too, if you +like. Would you like a real English bank holiday?" He called to his +wife: "See here," he said, "here is an English miss who would like an +English holiday; when the workmen have theirs she shall have hers too, +is it not so?" + +Mevrouw nodded, laughing. "But what will you do with it?" she asked. + +"I should go out," Julia answered; "if it is fine I should go out all +day." + +"To the fair?" Mijnheer asked. "You would not like that alone; it +would be very rough." + +"I should go out into the country," Julia said. "I should make an +excursion all by myself." + +They seemed a good deal amused by her taste, but the idea suggested in +fun was really determined upon; Julia, so Mijnheer promised, should +have a holiday when every one else did, and do just what she pleased. + +"You shall do as you like," he said; "even though it is not to go to +the fair and eat _pooferchjes_. It is only once in a year one can eat +_pooferchjes_, or three times rather; they are to be had on each of +the three days." + +"What are they?" Julia asked. "I have never heard of them." + +"Never heard of them," the old man exclaimed. "They do not have them, +I suppose, on an English bank holiday? Then certainly you must have +them here; we will go and eat them on the first day of the fair, when +everything is nice and clean, and there are not too many people about. +I will find a nice quiet place, and we will go and eat them together, +after tea, before there are great crowds. Will you come with me? I +shall be taking my young lady to the fair like a gay dog." + +He chuckled at the idea, and Julia readily agreed. "I shall be +delighted," she said. + +When Denah came, a little later, it seemed she would be delighted too, +although she was not specially asked. But when she heard of the plan, +she announced that her father had promised to take Anna and herself, +and what could be better than that the parties should join? Mijnheer +quite approved of this, so did Julia; and she, on hearing Denah's +proposal, at once saw that Joost was included as he had not been +before. Joost did not like fairs; he objected to noise, and glare, and +crowds, and all such things; neither did he care for _pooferchjes_; +they were too bilious for him. Nevertheless he agreed to join the +party; Denah was quite sure it was entirely on her account. + +On the morning of the first day of the fair, Julia went into the town +to buy cakes to take with her on to-morrow's excursion. She had not +changed her mind about that; she was still fully determined to go and +spend a long day in the Dunes. She had not told the Van Heigens of the +place chosen; she and Mijnheer had much fun and mystery about it, he +declaring she was going to the wood to ride donkeys with the head +gardener's fat wife. There was another thing she also had not told the +Van Heigens--a slight alteration there had been in her plans; she was +not, as she had first intended, going alone. It had somehow come about +that Rawson-Clew was going with her; he had never seen the Dunes, and +he had nothing to do that day, and he was not going to Herr Van de +Greutz in the evening, it seemed rather a good idea that he should go +for a holiday too; Julia saw no objection to it, but also she saw that +it would not do to tell her Dutch employers. She had never mentioned +Rawson Clew to them--there had not seemed any need; she never met him +till she was clear of the town and the range of reporting tongues +there, and she usually parted from him before she reached the village +and the observers there, so nothing was known of the evening walks. +Which was rather a pity, for, as Julia afterwards found out, it is +often wisest to tell something of your doings, especially if you +cannot tell all, and they are likely to come in for public notice. + +Julia bought her cakes, and went about the town feeling as +holiday-like as the gayest peasant there, although she had no +wonderful holiday head-dress of starched lace and gold plates. She did +not see any one she knew, except old Marthe, Herr Van de Greutz's +housekeeper. She had met the old woman several times when she was +marketing, and was on speaking terms with her now, so she had to stop +and listen to her troubles. They were only the same old tale; her +newest young cook had left suddenly, and she had come to the town to +see if she could get another from among the girls who had come in for +the fair. She had no success at all, and was setting out for home, +despondent, and not at all comforted to think that she would have to +trudge in and try all over again the day after to-morrow. To-morrow, +itself, the great day, it was no good trying; no girl would pay +attention to business then. + +In the evening Julia went again into the town, but this time with +Mijnheer and Joost, and dressed in her best dress. It was not at all a +new dress, nor at all a grand one, but it was well chosen, well made +and well fitted, and certainly very well put on; the gloves and hat, +too, accorded with it, and she herself was in a humour of gaiety that +bordered on brilliancy. Was she not going to have a holiday to-morrow, +and was she not going to spend it in company with a man she liked, +and in despite of Dutch propriety, which would certainly have been +thoroughly and outrageously shocked thereby? Denah knew nothing of the +causes at work, but she was not slow to discern the result when she +and her father and sister met the Van Heigen party that evening. She +smoothed the bow at the neck of her best dress, and looked at her +gloves discontentedly; she did not altogether admire Julia's clothes, +they were not at all Dutch; but she had an intuitive idea that they +came nearer to Paris, the sartorial ideal of the nations, than her own +did. She looked suspiciously at the English girl, her eyes were +shining and sparkling like stars; they were full of alert interest and +half-suppressed mischief. She looked at everything, and overlooked +nothing, though she was talking to Mijnheer in a soft, purring voice, +that was full of fun and wickedness. Now she turned to Joost, and her +voice took another tone; she was teasing him, making fun of him in a +way that Denah decided was scandalous, although his father was there, +aiding and abetting her. Joost did not seem to resent it a bit; he +listened quite serenely, and even turned a look on her as one who has +another and private interpretation of the words. Anna saw nothing of +this; she only thought Julia very nice, and her dress pretty, and her +talk gay. But Denah, though not always so acute, was in love, and she +saw a good deal, and treasured it up for use when the occasion should +offer. + +They ate _pooferchjes_, sitting in a funny little covered stall; at +least, the top and three sides were covered, the fourth was open to +the street. A long, narrow table, with clean white calico spread on +it, ran down the centre of the place, and narrow forms stood on either +side of it. It was lighted by a Chinese lantern hung from the roof, +and also, and more especially, by a flare outside of the charcoal +fire, where the _pooferchjes_ were cooked. A powerful brown-armed +peasant woman made them, beating the batter till it frothed, and +dropping it by the spoonful into the little hollows in the great sheet +of iron that glowed on the stove without. The glow of the fire was on +her too, on her short skirt and her fine arms, and the flaring light, +that flickered in the breeze, danced on her strong, brown face, with +its resolute lines, and splendid gold-ringed head-dress. People kept +passing to and fro all the time, or stopping sometimes to look in; +solemnly-gay holiday people, enjoying themselves after their own +fashion. The light flickered on them, too, and on the brick pavement, +and on the trees, plentiful almost as canals in the town. Julia leaned +forward and looked, and listened to the guttural Dutch voices, and the +curious patois to be heard now and then, and the distant notes of +music that blended with it. And the flickering lights and shadows +danced across her mind, and the simple holiday feeling of it all got +to her head. + +Then the _pooferchjes_ were done and brought in, little round, crisp +things, smoking hot, and very greasy; something like tiny English +pancakes--at least one might say so if one had not tasted them. And +then more people came in and sat at the opposite side of the table, a +gardener of another bulb grower, and his two daughters. He raised his +hat to the Van Heigen party, and received a similar salutation in +return, though he and they were careful to put their hats on again, a +draught being a thing much feared. Mijnheer shook hands with the +father, and they entered into conversation about the weather; the +girls looked across at Denah and Anna, and more still at Julia, whose +small, slim hands they evidently admired. + +But at last the _pooferchjes_ were all eaten and paid for. To do the +latter the notary, Mijnheer and Joost all brought out large purses +and counted out small coins with care, and the party came out, making +way for new-comers. They did not go straight home again, as was first +intended, Julia's interest and gaiety seemed to have infected the +others--all except Denah, and they walked for a little while among the +booths of toys, and sweets, and peepshows, and entertainments. And as +they went, Denah grew more and more silent, watching Julia, who was +walking with Joost; the arrangement was not of the English girl's +seeking, but Denah took no account of that. The thing of which she did +take account was that they two talked as they walked together, he as +well as she, but both with the ease and quick comprehension of people +who have talked together often. + +Mijnheer stopped to look at the merry-go-round; he admired the cheerful +tune that it played. He was not a connoisseur of music; a barrel-organ was +as good to him as the organ in the Groote Kerk. The others stopped too; +Anna exclaimed on the life-like and clever appearance of the bobbing +horses, whereupon her father suggested that perhaps the girls would like +to try a ride on the machine, and then befel the crowning mischief of the +evening. Julia and Anna accepted the proposal readily. Denah declined; she +felt in no humour for it; also she thought a refusal showed a superior +mind--one likely to appeal to a serious young man, who had no taste for +the gaudy, gay, or fast, and who also had a tendency towards seasickness. +But, alas, for the fickleness of man! While Denah stood with her father +and Mijnheer, Julia rode round the centre of lighted mirrors on a prancing +wooden horse, and Joost--the serious, the sometimes seasick--rode beside +her on a dappled grey, to the familiar old English tune, +"Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-a." + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +THE HOLIDAY + + +The Dunes lay some little distance from the town, a low, but +suddenly-rising hill boundary, that shut in the basin of flat land. +They were all of pure sand, though in many places so matted with +vegetation that it was hardly recognisable as such. Trees grew in +places, especially on the side that fronted towards the town; the way +up lay through a dense young wood of beech and larch, and a short, +broad-leafed variety of poplar. There was no undergrowth, but between +the dead leaves one could see that a dark green, short-piled moss had +managed to find a hold here and there, though so smooth was it that it +looked more like old enamel than a natural growth. The trees had the +appearance of high summer, deeply, intensely green, so that they +seemed almost blackish in mass. There was no breeze among them; even +the dapples of sunlight which found their way through the roof of +leaves hardly stirred, but lay in light patches, like scattered gold +upon the ground. Flies and gnats moved and shimmered, a busy life, +whose small voices were the only sound to be heard; all else was very +still, with the glorious reposeful stillness of full summer; not +oppressive, without weariness or exhaustion, rather as if the whole +creation paused at this zenith to look round on its works, and beheld +and saw that they were all very good. + +There were no clear paths, apparently few people went that way; +certainly there was no one about when Julia and Rawson-Clew came. It +is true they saw a kind of little beer-garden at the foot of the +slope, but there was no one idling about it. + +"We shall have to come back here for lunch," Julia said. + +And when he suggested that it was rather a pity to have to retrace +their steps, she answered, "It doesn't matter, we are not going +anywhere particular; we may just as well wander one way as another. +When we get to the top this time we will explore to the right, and +when we get there again after lunch, we will go to the left; don't you +think that is the best way? This is to be a holiday, you know." + +"Is a real holiday like a dog's wanderings?" Rawson-Clew inquired; +"bounded by no purpose except dinner when hungry?" + +Julia thought it must be something of the kind. "Though," she said, +"dogs always seem to have some end in view, or perhaps a dozen ends, +for though they tear off after an imaginary interest as if there was +nothing else in the world, they get tired of it, or else start +another, and forget all about the first." + +"That must also be part of the essence of a holiday," Rawson-Clew +said; "at least, one would judge it to be so; boys and dogs, the only +things in nature who really understand the art of holiday-making, +chase wild geese, and otherwise do nothing of any account, with an +inexhaustible energy, and a purposeful determination wonderful to +behold. Also, they forget that there is such a thing as to-morrow, so +that must be important too." + +"I can't do that," Julia said. + +"You might try when you get to the top," he suggested. "I will try +then; I don't think I could do anything requiring an effort just now." + +Julia agreed that she could not either, and they went on up straight +before them. It is as easy to climb a sand-hill in one place as in +another, provided you stick your feet in the right way, and do not +mind getting a good deal of sand in your boots. So they went straight, +and at last got clear of the taller trees, and were struggling in +thickets of young poplars, and other sinewy things. The sand was +firmer, but honeycombed with rabbit holes, and tangled with brambles, +and the direction was still upwards, though the growth was so thick, +and the ground so bad, that it was often necessary to go a long way +round. But in time they were through this too, and really out on the +top. Here there was nothing but the Dunes, wide, curving land, that +stretched away and away, a tableland of little hollows and hills, like +some sea whose waves have been consolidated; near at hand its colours +were warm, if not vivid, but in the far distance it grew paler as the +vegetation became less and less, till, far away, almost beyond sight, +it failed to grey helm grass, and then altogether ceased, leaving the +sand bare. Behind lay the trees through which they had come, sloping +downwards in banks of cool shadows to the map-like land and the +distant town below; away on right and left were other groups of trees, +on sides of hills and in rounded hollows, looking small enough from +here, but in reality woods of some size. Here there was nothing; but, +above, a great blue sky, which seemed very close; and, underfoot, +low-growing Dune roses and wild thyme which filled the warm, still air +with its matchless scent; nothing but these, and space, and sunshine, +and silence. + +Julia stopped and looked round, drawing in her breath; she had found +what she had come to see--what, perhaps, she had been vaguely wanting +to find for a long time. + +"Isn't it good?" she said at last. "Did you know there was so much +room--so much room anywhere?" + +Rawson-Clew looked in the direction she did; he had seen so much of +the world, and she had seen so little of it--that is, of the part +which is solitary and beautiful. Yet he felt something of her +enthusiasm for this sunny, empty place--than which he had seen many +finer things every year of his life. + +Perhaps this thought occurred to her, for she turned to him rather +wistfully: "I expect it does not seem very much to you," she said; +"you have seen such a great deal." + +"I do not remember to have seen anything quite like this," he +answered; "and if I had, what then? One does not get tired of things." + +Julia looked at him thoughtfully. "I wonder," she said, "if one would? +If one would get weary of it, and want to go back to the other kind of +life?" + +She was not thinking of Dune country, rather of the simple life it +represented to her just then. Rawson-Clew caught the note of +seriousness in her tone and reminded her that thought for the past or +future was no part of a holiday. "Remember," he said, "you are to-day +to emulate dogs and boys." + +She laughed. "How am I to begin?" she asked. "How will you?" + +"I shall sit down," he said; "I feel I could be inconsequent much +better if I sat down to it; that is no doubt because I am past my +first youth." + +"No," she said, sitting down and putting her hat beside her; "it is +because your folly-muscles are stiff from want of use; you have played +lots of things, I expect--it is part of your necessary equipment to +be able to do so, but I doubt if you have ever played the fool +systematically. I don't believe you have ever done, and certainly +never enjoyed anything inconsequent or foolish in your life." + +"If you were to ask me," he returned, "I should hardly say you +excelled in that direction either. How many inconsequent and foolish +things have you done in your life?" + +"Some, and I should like to do some more. If I were alone now, do you +know what I should do? You see that deep hollow of sparkling white +sand? I should take off my clothes and lie there in the sun." + +Rawson-Clew turned so that his back was that way. "Do not let me +prevent you," he said. + +Julia made use of the opportunity to empty the sand out of her boots. + +He looked round as she was finishing fastening them. "But why put them +on again?" he asked. + +"Because I haven't retired from the world, yet," she answered, "and so +I can't do quite all I like." + +"When you do retire, will this ideal summer costume also be included +in the programme? Your taste in dress grows simpler; quite ancient +British, in fact." + +"The ancient Britons wore paint, and probably had fashions in it; I +don't think of imitating them. Tell me," she said, turning now to +gather the sweet-scented wild thyme, "did you ever really do anything +foolish in your life? I should like to know." + +He answered her that he had, but without convincing her. Afterwards, +he came to the conclusion that, whatever might have been the case +before, he that day qualified to take rank with any one in the matter. + +All the same, it was a very pleasant day, and they both enjoyed it +much; it is doubtful if any one in the town or its environs enjoyed +that holiday more than these two, who, from different reasons, had +probably never had so real a holiday before. They wandered over the +great open tract of land, meeting no one; once they came near enough +to the seaward edge to see the distant shimmer of water; once they +found themselves in the part where there has been some little attempt +at cultivation, and small patches of potatoes struggle for life, and a +little railway crosses the sandhills. Twice they came upon the road +along which, on working days, the peasant women bring their fish to +market in the town. But chiefly they kept to the small, dense woods, +where the sunlight only splashed the ground; or to the open solitary +spaces where the bees hummed in the wild thyme, and the butterflies +chased each other over the low rose bushes. + +A good deal after mid-day, at a time dictated entirely by choice, and +not custom, they made their way back to the beer garden. It was a very +little place, scarcely worthy of the name; the smallest possible +house, more like a barn than anything else, right in the shadow of the +wood. The fare to be obtained was bad beer, excellent coffee, new +bread, and old cheese; but it was enough, supplemented by the cakes +bought yesterday in the town; Julia knew enough of the ways of the +place to know one can bring one's own food to such places without +giving offence. As in the morning, when they first passed it, there +was no one about, every one had gone to the fair, except one taciturn +old woman who brought the required things and then shut herself in the +house. The meal was spread under the trees on a little green-painted +table, with legs buried deep in sand; there were two high, straight +chairs set up to the table, and a wooden footstool put by one for +Julia, who, seeing it, said this was certainly a picnic, and it was +really necessary to eat the _broodje_ in the correct picnic way. +Rawson-Clew tried, with much gravity, but she laughed till the +taciturn old woman looked out of window, and wondered who they were, +and how they came to be here. + +When the meal was done, they went back again up the steep slope, and +then away on the left. The country on this side was less open, and +more hilly, deeper hollows and larger woods, still there was not much +difficulty in finding the way. The latter part of the day was not so +fine as the earlier, the sky clouded over, and, though there was still +no wind, the air grew more chilly. They hardly noticed the change, +being in a dense young wood where there was little light, but Julia +lost something of the holiday spirit, and Rawson-Clew became grave, +talking more seriously of serious things than had ever before happened +in their curious acquaintanceship. They sat down to rest in a green +hollow, and Julia began to arrange neatly the bunch of short-stemmed +thyme flowers that she carried. They had been quiet for some little +time, she thinking about their curious acquaintance, and wondering +when it would end. Of course it would end--she knew that; it was a +thing of mind only; there was very little feeling about it--a certain +mutual interest and a liking that had grown of late, kindness on his +part, gratitude on hers, nothing more. But of its sort it had grown to +be intimate; she had told him things of her thoughts, and of herself, +and her people too, that she had told to no one else; and he, which +was perhaps more remarkable, had sometimes returned the compliment. +And yet by and by--soon, perhaps--he would go away, and it would be as +if they had never met; it was like people on a steamer together, she +thought, for the space of the voyage they saw each other daily, saw +more intimately into each other than many blood relations did, and +then, when port was reached, they separated, the whole thing +finished. She wondered when this would finish, and just then +Rawson-Clew spoke, and unconsciously answered her thought. + +"I am going back to England soon," he said. + +She looked up. "Is your work here finished?" she asked. + +"It is at an end," he answered; "that is the same thing." + +Then she, her intuition enlightened by a like experience suddenly knew +that he, too, had failed. "You mean it cannot be done," she said. + +He opened his cigarette case, and selected a cigarette carefully. "May +I smoke?" he asked; "there are a good many gnats and mosquitoes about +here." He felt for a match, and, when he had struck it, asked +impersonally, "Do you believe things cannot be done?" + +"Yes," she answered; "I know that sometimes they cannot; I have proved +it to myself." + +"You have not, then, much opinion of the people who do not know when +they are beaten?" + +"I don't think I have," she answered; "you cannot help knowing when +you are beaten if you really are--that is, unless you are a fool. Of +course, if you are only beaten in one round, or one effort, that is +another thing; you can get up and try again. But if you are really and +truly beaten, by yourself, or circumstances, or something--well, +there's an end; there is nothing but to get up and go on." + +"Just so; in that case, as you say, there is not much going to be +done, except going home." + +Julia nodded. "But I can't even do that," she said. "I am beaten, but +I have got to stay here all the same, having nowhere exactly to go." + +This was the first time she had spoken even indirectly of her own +future movements. "But, perhaps," he suggested, "if you stay, you may +find a back way to your object after all." + +She shook her head. "It is the back way I tried. No, there is no way; +it is blocked. I know, because it is myself that blocks it." + +"In that case," he said, "I'm afraid I must agree with you; there is +no way; oneself is about the most insurmountable block of all. I +might have known that you were hardly likely to make any mistake as to +whether you were really beaten or not." + +"I should not think it was a mistake you were likely to make either," +she observed. + +"You think not? Well, I had no chance this time; the fact has been +made pretty obvious to me." + +She did not say she was sorry; in her opinion it was an impertinence +to offer condolence to failure. "I suppose," she said, after a pause, +"there is not a back way--a door, or window, even, to your object?" + +"Unfortunately, no. There are no windows at the back; and as to the +door--like you, it was that which I tried, with the result that +recently--yesterday, in fact--I was metaphorically shown out." + +Julia had learnt enough by this time, though she had not been told for +certain, that her first suspicions were right; to be sure, it was the +explosive which took Rawson-Clew to the little village evening after +evening. She had gathered as much from various things which had been +said, though she did not know at all how he was trying to get it, nor +in what way he had introduced himself to Herr Van de Greutz. Whatever +method he had tried it was now clear he had failed; no doubt been +found out, for the chemist, unlike Joost Van Heigen, was the very +reverse of unsuspecting, and thoroughly on the look-out for other +nations who wanted to share his discovery. For a moment Julia wished +she had been in Rawson-Clew's place; of course she, too, might have +failed--probably would; she had no reason to think she would succeed +where he could not; but she certainly would not have failed in this +for the reason she had failed with the blue daffodil. The attempt +would have been so thoroughly well worth making; there would have been +some sport in it, and a foe worthy of her steel. In spite of her +desire for the simple life, she had too much real ability for this +sort of intrigue, and too much past practice in subterfuge, not to +experience lapses of inclination for it when she saw such work being +done, and perhaps not done well. Of this, however, she naturally did +not speak to Rawson-Clew; she rearranged her flowers in silence for a +little while, at last she said-- + +"It is hateful to fail." + +"It is ignominious, certainly; one does not wish to blazon it from the +housetops; still, doubtless like your crochet work, it is good +discipline." + +"Maybe," Julia allowed, but without conviction. "Yours seems a simple +failure, mine is a compound one. If it is ignominious, as you say, to +fail, it would have been equally ignominious in another way if I had +succeeded. I could not have been satisfied either way." + +"That sounds very complicated," Rawson-Clew said; "but then, I imagine +you are a complicated young person." + +"And you are not." + +"Not young, certainly," he said, lighting another cigarette. + +"Nor complicated," she insisted; "you are built on straight lines; +there are given things you can do and can't do, would do and would not +do, and might do in an emergency. It is a fine kind of person to be, +but it is not the kind which surprises itself." + +Rawson-Clew blew a smoke-ring into the air; he was smiling a little. + +"How old are you?" he said. "Twenty? Almost twenty-one, is it? And +until you were sixteen you knocked about a bit? Sixteen is too young +to come much across the natural man--not the artful dodging man, or +the man of civilisation, but the natural, primitive man, own blood +relation to Adam and the king of the Cannibal Islands. You may meet +him by and by, and if you do he may surprise you; he is full of +surprises--he rather surprises himself, that is, if his local habitat +is ordinarily an educated, decent person." + +"You have not got a natural man," Julia said shortly; she was annoyed, +without quite knowing why, by his manner. + +"Have I not? Quite likely; certainly, he has never bothered me, but I +should not like to count on him. Since we have got to personalities, +may I say that you have got a natural woman, and plenty of her; also a +marked taste for the works of the machine, in preference to the face +usually presented to the company?" + +"The works are the only interesting part; I don't care for the +drawing-room side of things; they are cultivated, but they are too +much on the skin. I would much rather be a stoker, or an engineer, +than sit on deck all day and talk about Florentine art, and the Handel +Festival, and Egyptology, and the gospel of Tolstoy, and play cricket +and quoits, and dance a little, and sing a little, and flirt a little, +ever so nicely. Oh, there are lots of girls who can do all those +things, and do them equally well; I know a few who can, well off, +well-bred girls--you must know a great many. They are clever to begin +with, and they are taught that way; it is a perfect treat to meet +them and watch them, but I never want to imitate them, even if I +could--and there is no danger of that. I would rather be in the +engine-room, with my coat off, a bit greasy and very profane, and +doing something. There would be more flesh and blood there, even if it +were a bit grubby; I believe I'm more at home with people who can +do--well, what's necessary, even if it is not exactly nice." + +Rawson-Clew knew exactly the kind of woman she had described for the +deck--he met them often; charming creatures, far as the poles asunder +from the girl who spoke of them; he liked them--in moderation, and in +their place, much as his forebears of fifty years ago had liked +theirs, the delicate, sensitive creatures of that era. He had never +regarded Julia in that light; he found her certainly more entertaining +as a companion, though also very far short of the standard as a woman +and an ornament. + +"The people in the engine-room," he observed, "would certainly be more +useful in an emergency; still, life is not made up entirely of +emergencies." + +"No," Julia answered; "and in between times such people are better not +on show--I know that; that is why I do not care for the drawing-room +side of things, I don't know enough to shine in them." + +"Do you think it is a matter of knowledge?" he asked, "or inclination? +If it comes to knowledge I should say you had a rather remarkable +stock of an unusual sort, and at first hand. That may not be what is +required for a complete drawing-room success, though I am not sure +that it is not more interesting--say for an excursion--than a flitting +glance at the subjects you mention, and about eighteen or twenty more +that you did not." + +Julia looked up, half pleased, doubtful as to whether or not to +interpret this as a compliment; she never knew quite how much he meant +of what he said; his manner was exactly the same, whether he was in +fun or in earnest. But if she thought of asking him now she was +prevented, for at that moment Mr. Gillat's watch slipped out of her +belt into her lap, and she saw the time. + +"How late is it!" she exclaimed. "We ought to have started +half-an-hour ago; it will take me two hours, and more, to get home +from here, even if I go by the tram in the town." + +She rose as she spoke, and he rose more slowly. + +"Shall I take your flowers for you?" he asked. "They seem rather +inclined to tumble about; don't you think they would be safer in my +pocket? As you say you are going to dry them, it won't matter crushing +them." + +She gave them to him, and he put the sweet-smelling bunch into his +pocket, then they started for the edge of the wood. + +"It is much colder," Julia said; "and the sun is all gone; I suppose +the clouds have been coming gradually, but I did not notice before. If +it is going to rain, we shall get decidedly wet before we get back." + +"I am afraid so," he agreed; "you have no coat." + +She told him that did not matter, she did not mind getting wet, and +she spoke with a cheerful buoyancy that carried conviction. + +When they reached the outskirts of the wood, however, they saw there +was not much chance of rain, but a much worse evil threatened. All the +distance on the seaward side was blotted out, a fine white mist shut +out the curving land in that direction. It was blowing up towards +them, rolling down the little hills in billowy puffs, and lying +filmy, yet dense, in the hollows, moved by a wind unfelt here. + +"A sea fog," Julia said; "I wonder how far it is coming." + +Rawson-Clew wondered too; he thought, as she did, that there was every +chance of its coming far and fast, but it did not seem necessary to +either of them to say anything so unpleasantly and obviously probable. + +They set out homewards as fast as they could; it was a long way to the +place where they had climbed up, unfortunately all across open +country, entirely without roads or definite paths, and the drifting +sea fog was coming up fast, bound, it would seem, the same way. Soon +it was upon them; they felt its advance in the chill that, like cold +fingers, laid hold on everything; it came quite silently up from +behind, without noticeable wind, eerily creeping up and enfolding +everything, putting a white winding-sheet not about the earth only, +but the very air also. The cotton blouse that Julia wore became limp +and wet as if it had been dipped in water; she could see the fog +condensing in beads on her companion's coat almost like hoar frost; it +lay on every low-growing rose bush and bramble that they stepped upon, +a curious transformer of all near objects, a complete obliterator of +all more distant ones. + +They pushed on as quickly as might be, climbing little hills, +descending into hollows; stumbling among rabbit holes, threading their +way through thickets; apparently finding something amusing in the +patriarchal colonies of rabbit burrows that tripped them up, and +stopping to argue, though hardly in earnest, as to whether they had +passed that way or not, when some white-barked tree, or other +landmark, loomed suddenly out of the thickening mist. Once it seemed +the fog was going to lift; Julia thought she saw the outline of a +distant hill, but either it was closed in again directly, or else she +mistook a thicker fold of cloud for a more solid object, for it was +lost almost before she pointed it out. + +For something over two hours they walked and stumbled, and went up +small ascents and came down small declines; then suddenly they came +upon the white-barked tree again. It was the same one that they had +seen more than an hour and a half ago; Rawson-Clew recognised it by a +peculiar warty growth where the branches forked; they had now +approached it from the other side, but clearly it was the same one, +and they had come round in a circle. + +He stopped and pointed it out to her. "I am afraid," he said, "we had +better do what is recommended when the clouds come down on the +mountains." + +"And that is?" Julia asked. + +"Sit down and wait till they shift." + +She could not but see the advisability of this, also she was very +tired, the going for these two hours had not been easy, and it had +come at the end of a long day. She would not admit, even to herself, +that she was tired, but she was, so she agreed to the waiting; after +all, it was impossible to pretend longer that they were going to get +home easily, and were not really hopelessly astray. + +"We will go a little way in among the trees," Rawson-Clew said; "it is +more sheltered, and we shall be able to find the way quite as easily +from one place as another when the fog lifts." + +They found as sheltered a spot as they could, and sat down under a big +tree; as they did so his hand came in contact with Julia's wet sleeve +and cold arm. "How cold you are!" he said. "You have nothing on." + +"Oh, yes, I have," she assured him. "I did not avail myself of your +permission this morning." + +He took off his coat and put it round her. + +But she threw it off again. "That won't do at all," she said; "now you +have nothing on, and that is much more improper; women may sit in +their shirt sleeves, men may not." + +"Don't be absurd!" he said authoritatively; "you are to keep that on," +and he wrapped it about her with a decision that brought home to her +her youth and smallness. + +"You are shutting all the damp in," she protested, shifting her point +of attack, "and that is very unwholesome. I shan't get warm; I haven't +any warmth to start with; you are wasting what you have got to no +purpose." + +But he did not waste it, for eventually it was arranged that they sat +close together under the tree, with the coat put as far as it would go +over both of them. Rawson-Clew was not given to thinking how things +looked, he did what he thought necessary, or advisable, without taking +any thought of that kind; so it did not occur to him how this +arrangement might look to an unprejudiced observer, had there been any +such. But Julia, with her faculty for seeing herself as others saw +her, was much, though silently, amused as she thought of the Van +Heigens. Poor, kind folks, they were doubtless already wondering what +could have become of her; if they could only have seen her sitting +thus, with an unknown man, what would their Dutch propriety have said? + +"Do you suppose this fog will be in the town?" Rawson-Clew said, after +a time. + +"No," she answered, "I should think not; from what I have heard, I +think it is very unlikely." + +"Then the Van Heigens won't know what has become of you?" + +"Not a bit in the world; they don't even know where I was going +to-day. I did not tell them; I am afraid they will be rather uneasy +about me, but perhaps not so very much, they know by this time I can +take care of myself; besides, I shall be home before bed-time, if the +fog lifts." + +Rawson-Clew agreed, and they talked of other things. Julia held the +opinion that when an evil has to be endured, not cured, there is no +good in discussing it over and over again; she had a considerable gift +for making the best of other things besides opportunities. + +But the fog did not lift soon; it did not grow denser, but it did not +grow less; it just lay soft and chilly, casting a white pall of +silence on all things, closing day before its time, and making it +impossible to say when evening ended and night began. Gradually the +two who waited for its lifting fell into silence, and Julia, tired +out, at last dropped asleep, her head tilted back against the +tree-trunk, her shoulder pressed close against Rawson-Clew under the +shelter of his coat. + +He did not move, he was afraid of waking her; he sat watching, waiting +in the eerie white stillness, until at last the space before him +altered, and gradually between the trees he saw the faint outline of a +hill, dark against the dark sky. Slowly the white mist rolled from it, +a billowy, ghostly thing, that left a black, vague world, only dimly +seen. He looked at the sleeping girl, then at the hill; the fog was +clearing, there was no doubt about that; soon it would be quite gone, +but it would be a very dark night, the stars would hardly show, and +the moon was now long down. He was not at all sure of being able to +find his way across this undulating country, so entirely devoid of +prominent features, in a very dark night. Rather he was nearly sure +that he could not do it; and though he had a by no means low opinion +of Julia's abilities, he did not think that she could either. Also, +with a sense of dramatic fitness equal to that of the girl's he +thought their arrival in the town would be rather ill-timed if they +started now. It would be wiser to wait till after it was light, though +dawn was not so very early now, the summer being far advanced. So he +decided, and Julia slept peacefully on, her head dropping lower and +lower, till finally it reached his shoulder. But he did not move; he +left it resting there, and waited, thinking of nothing perhaps, or +anything; or perhaps of that unknown quantity, the natural man, which +has a way of stirring sometimes even in the most civilised, at night +time. So he sat and watched for the dawn. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +TO-MORROW + + +It was a bright sunny morning, and, though the third and last day of +the fair, people went to their business as usual. The Dutch are early +risers, and set about their day's work in good time; but even had they +been the reverse, the latest of them would have been about before +Julia and Rawson-Clew reached the outskirts of the town. They had +stopped for breakfast at the first village they came to after leaving +the Dunes, this on the principle of being hung for a sheep rather than +a lamb. It did not seem to matter being a little later considering the +necessarily unreasonable hour of their return; also Julia, with the +instinct of her family for detail; preferred to set herself to rights +so as to present the best appearance possible when she arrived at the +Van Heigens'. It was not natural, of course, that a person should +appear too neat and orderly after a night of adventure, lost on the +Dunes; but the reverse was not becoming. Julia hit the medium between +the two with a nicety which might have cost one not a Polkington some +thought, but to one of them was merely the natural thing. + +Together Julia and Rawson-Clew walked to the outskirts of the town. +Their ways parted there--his to the left, hers to the right; it was +the port of which she had thought yesterday, the place of final +separation. He had proposed to go with her to the Van Heigens, so as +to bear testimony to what had befallen, and to assure them that she +was quite safe; but she would not have this, she felt she could manage +very much better without him, his presence would only require a good +deal of extra explanation, none too easy to give. He guessed the +reason of her refusal and saw the wisdom of it, although he felt +annoyed that she had, as he now perceived she must, concealed their +earlier acquaintance. It might have been advisable, seeing Dutch +notions of propriety; but it placed the matter in a rather invidious +light, and also began to bring home to him the fact, which grew very +much more evident before the day was over, that he had distinguished +himself by an act of really remarkable folly. + +They had almost reached the town, in fact had passed some small +houses, the dwelling-places of carriage proprietors and washerwomen, +when a girl stepped out of a doorway some distance ahead of them. She +glanced in their direction, then stared. + +"There's Denah," Julia said; she did not speak with consternation +though Denah was about the last person she wanted to see just then. +Consternation is a waste of time and energy when you are found out, a +bold face and immediate actions are usually best. Julia waved her hand +in cheerful greeting to the Dutch girl. + +But Denah did not return the greeting; instead, after her stare of +astonished recognition, she turned and set off up the road towards +where it joined a more important street with trams, which ran into the +town. + +"Hulloah?" Julia said softly, and quick as thought she turned too, and +the hand that had waved to Denah was signaling to a carriage which at +that moment drove out of a stable-yard near. A light had come into her +eyes, a dancing light like the gleam on a sword-blade. There was a +little wee smile about her lips, too, which somehow brought to +Rawson-Clew's mind a man he once knew who had sung softly to himself +all the time he prepared for the brigands who were known to be about +to rush his camp. + +"She'll take a tram," Julia said gaily, looking towards the speeding +figure; "she is too careful to waste her money even to spite any one +of whom she is jealous." + +The cab drew up, and Julia, not failing to see Denah fulfil her words +at the junction of the street, got in. Rawson-Clew followed her. She +would have prevented him. + +"Don't come," she said; "I don't want you. Good-bye." + +But he insisted. "I certainly am coming," he said, and ordered the man +to drive on into the town, telling Julia to give the address. + +She did so, weighing in her mind the while the chances of +Rawson-Clew's knowledge of Dutch being equal to following all that was +said when three people spoke at once, all of them in a great state of +excitement. She thought it was possible he would not master every +detail, but at the same time she did not wish him to try; it would be +insupportable to have him dragged into this, and in return for his +kindness to her have a dozen vulgar and ridiculous things said and +insinuated. + +"Look here," she said, "there is not any need for you to come, I can +do better without you, I can indeed. I have got to explain things, of +course, but, as I told you before, I have had some practice at dodging +and explaining. I shall reach the Van Heigens' before Denah, so I +shall get the first hearing, that's all I want, I can explain +beautifully." + +"You cannot explain me away," Rawson-Clew answered. "I know I was not +to have figured in the original account, that is obvious, but it is +equally obvious that I must figure in this one. I prefer to give it +myself." + +"Oh, but that won't do at all!" Julia said. "Please leave it to me, it +would be nothing to me, I am used to tight places, and it would be an +insufferable annoyance to you. I really don't want you to suffer for +your kindness to me--you have no idea what absurd and ridiculous +things they will say." + +Rawson-Clew had been polishing his eyeglass, he put it back in his eye +before he spoke. "My dear child," he said; "in spite of the sheltered +life with which you credit me, I assure you I have a very clear idea +of the kind of things they will say." + +"Then for goodness sake, leave it to me," Julia said, losing her +temper; "I can do it a great deal better than you can; I'm not honest, +and you are, and that's a handicap." + +"In these cases," Rawson-Clew answered imperturbably, "honesty +requires the consideration of the lady first and truth afterwards--a +long way after. Let me know what you want told and I will tell +it--with evidence--I suppose you are equal to evidence?" + +Julia laughed, but without much mirth. "I do wish you would not come," +she said. + +But he did, and they drove together through the town, past the bulb +gardens, to the wooden house with the dark-tiled roof. There +Rawson-Clew paid the coachman and dismissed the carriage while Julia +rang the bell. + +In time the servant came to the door. "Ach!" she cried at the sight of +Julia, and, "G-r-r-r!" and other exclamations, uttered very gutturally +and with upraised hands. She was a country girl from some remote +district, and she spoke a very unintelligible patois; at least +Rawson-Clew found it so, his companion, apparently, was used to it. + +Julia listened to the exclamations, and apparently to congratulations +on her safe return, said in a friendly manner that she had a terrible +adventure, and then asked where Mevrouw was. + +Mevrouw was out, and Mijnheer was out too; a torrent more information +followed, but Julia did not pay much attention to it, she turned to +Rawson-Clew with the smile on her lips with which she laughed at +herself. + +"Denah saved her money and won her move," she said; "it serves me +right. I under-rated her--this is what always comes of under-rating +the enemy." + +"Do you mean she knew where these people are?" Rawson-Clew asked. + +"That is about it, she knew and I did not." + +"What are you going to do?" + +"Wait till they come back, there is nothing else." + +He moved as if he thought to follow her into the house, but she did +not approve of that. "You cannot wait with me," she said; "it is one +thing to bring me home, quite another to wait with me here." + +He, however, thought differently, but he did not argue the point. +"Thank you," he said, "I prefer to wait; I consider I am conducting +this now, not you." + +He was a little annoyed by her ridiculous persistence, but she looked +at him with the dancing lights coming back in her eyes. "Oh, well, if +you prefer to wait," she said, "but I'm afraid you must do it alone." +And before he realised what she was doing, she had run off, down the +path, across an empty flower-bed and among some brushes behind. + +In considerable anger he turned to follow her, but he pulled himself +up; there was very little use in that and no need for it either; he +was sure she was far too skilful a tactician to imperil an affair by +unwise flight; this was a blind merely--unless, of course, she thought +of setting out to find these Dutch people, wherever they might be. He +asked the staring servant where her master and mistress were; it took +time for him to make out her answers, but at last he did. Mijnheer was +at a place (or house) with a name he had never before heard, and would +have been puzzled to say now from this one hearing. It was a distant +bulb farm, and Mijnheer had gone there on business; the fact that +Julia had not returned home naturally did not keep the good man from +his work. These details Rawson-Clew did not know; the name only was +given to him, and that conveyed nothing. Joost, he was told, was +somewhere in the bulb gardens, where, seemed unknown; Mevrouw was at +the house of the notary. Who the notary was, and where he lived, and +why she had gone there were alike as obscure to this inquirer as was +Julia's probable destination. He felt that she might have set out to +find any one of these three people, or she might be lying in wait, +like a foolish child, till he had gone. He went down the drive; +outside the gate he saw some idlers who had been there when he drove +in a little while back; he asked them if any one answering to the +girl's description had come out. They told him "ja," and they also +told him which direction she had taken; it was the way that led to the +market, not the residential part of the town. + +He was no better off for this information; there seemed nothing to be +done. It would have been little short of absurd, if, indeed, it had +not been seriously compromising to Julia, for him to present himself +at the house of the notary--when he could find it--and tell Vrouw Van +Heigen he had brought Julia home and she was afraid to appear with +him. Either he and she must act together and appear together, or else +he must, as she desired and now made necessary, keep out of it +altogether. Considerably annoyed with the girl, but at the same time +uneasy about her, he went to his hotel. + +As the morning wore on, the annoyance lessened and the uneasiness +grew. After all he was not sure that Julia had thrown away much by +refusing to have the support of his company; had they two been there +waiting for the Van Heigens' return, or had they set out together to +find them, he was not sure his presence would have been any help in +the face of the jealous Dutch girl's accusations. A jealous woman, +even an ordinarily foolish one, is a very dangerous thing when she is +attacking a fancied rival with a chance of encompassing her overthrow. +Denah would have got her tale told, her case proven, indignation +aroused and sympathy with her before the Van Heigens even saw Julia. +He wondered what she would do alone and wished he knew how she fared; +he thought over the explanations possible and the various ways out +that might suggest themselves to a fertile brain. They were not many, +and they were not good; the simple truth would probably be best, and +that would be so exceedingly compromising under the circumstances that +the Van Heigens were hardly likely to find it palatable. Indeed, he +began to see that, even if they two could have presented themselves, +as they had first intended, to the anxious family before Denah +arrived, it was very doubtful if the matter could have been +satisfactorily cleared up to a suspicious and prudish Dutch mind. The +girl was only a companion, a person of no importance, easy to replace; +and, no matter how the fact might be explained, it still remained that +she had been out all night with an unknown man; one, who, if he were +known, would show to be of a position to make the proceeding more +compromising still. + +At this point Rawson-Clew got up and walked to the window. It was +then that it struck him that he had, in these his mature years, +committed an act of stupendous folly, the like of which his youth had +never known. + +But the girl, what would become of the girl? In England, in +ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, she would have been dismissed; in +Holland that one last hope did not exist. She would be dismissed with +her character considerably damaged and her chance of getting another +situation entirely gone. What would she do? She had told him yesterday +she could not leave, but was obliged to stay on at the Van Heigens'; +although she had failed in the first object of her coming, and so had +no motive for remaining, she had nowhere else to go. Perhaps she had +quarrelled with her relatives; perhaps they could not afford to keep +her--they were poor enough he knew. She had once said her eldest +sister had lately married the nephew of a bishop; he remembered that, +and he also remembered that, after his unfortunate visit to Captain +Polkington, he had heard they were people with some good connections. +But that did not mean that they could afford to help this girl, or +would be delighted to receive her home under the present conditions. +Rather it indicated that their position was too precarious for them to +be able to do it. They would be bitterly hard on her--these aspiring +people of gentle birth and doubtful shifts, clinging to society by the +skin of their teeth, were the hardest of all. The girl could not go +back to them; she could not get anything to do in Holland, or +elsewhere--in Heaven's name what could she do? + +He asked himself the question with his hands in his pockets and his +eyes on the street. But the answer did not seem forthcoming. + +There was no good blinking the matter; the fact was obvious; the girl +was hopelessly and utterly compromised; and he, aided certainly by +untoward circumstances--for the sardonic interference of which, in +such circumstances, a man of sense usually allows--he had done it. +They had had their "holiday," without taking thought for the morrow, +in the way approved by boys and dogs and creatures without experience. +And here was to-morrow, knocking at the door and demanding the +price--as experience showed that it usually did. The question was, who +was going to pay, he or she? She had taken it upon herself as a matter +of course; it seemed natural to her that the burden should be the +woman's, but it did not seem so to him; among his people it was the +man who was expected, and who himself expected, to pay. When he had +grasped the situation fully and saw how she must inevitably stand he +also saw at the same time and equally plainly, that he must marry her; +nothing else was possible. + +He walked away from the window and began to search for writing +materials. He could not go and see her, it was out of the question +under the circumstances; he would have to write, and, on the whole, +perhaps, it was easier that way. He sat down to the table, but he did +not at once begin, for between him and the paper there rose up the +vision of a stately old Norfolk house. It was his; he had not lived +there for years, but he supposed he would some day; all his people +had; he remembered his grandfather there and his grandmother--a tall, +stately woman, a woman of parts. He thought of her, and his mother, a +graceful, gracious woman--he thought of her standing in the +drawing-room between the long windows, receiving company. And then he +thought of Julia. + +He turned away from the vision abruptly, and dated his letter. But +soon he had lain down his pen again. He was conservative, and Julia +was not of the breed of the women he had recalled; she had no kinship +with them or their modern prototypes, one of whom he vaguely supposed +he should marry some day--when he went to live in the old Norfolk +house. Hers was not a stately or a gracious or an all pervading +feminine presence; she demanded no court, no care, no carpet for her +way; she could come and go unnoticed and unattended; you could +overlook her--though she never overlooked you or anything else. She +had her points certainly, she was loyal to the core--she would be +loyal to him, he was sure, in this scrape, with a silly wrong-headed +loyalty, more like a man's to a woman than a woman's to a man. She was +loyal to her none too reputable family--that family was a bitter thing +to his pride of race. She was courageous, too, cheerfully enduring, +laughing in the face of disaster, patient when action was impossible +and when it was possible--he found himself smiling when he recalled +her--surely there was never one more gay, more ready, more steady, +more quietly alert than she when there was a struggle with men or +matters in the wind. She had brains of a sort, there was no doubt of +that; it was possible to imagine one would not grow tired of her +undiluted company as one would of the other sort of woman. Only of +course a man did not have the undiluted company of his wife--perhaps +if he were a small shop-keeper or an itinerant organ-grinder--if night +and day they lived together and worked together and looked out on the +world together--if it was the simple life of which she dreamed-- + +Rawson-Clew picked up his pen and began to write; it was not a case of +whether he would or would not, liked or disliked; he had simply to +make a girl he had compromised the only restitution in his power. + +In the meantime Julia had set out for the market-place as the idlers +had said. But her business there did not take long and she was home +again, as she intended, before Mevrouw got back from the Snieders. But +she had not been in much more than five minutes before the old lady, +supported by Vrouw Snieder and Denah, arrived. Mijnheer came home not +long after, and, hearing news of the return of the truant, went to the +house to join the others. + +Julia waited to receive the attack in the dim sitting-room. She knew +as well as Rawson-Clew, or better, that she had not a ghost of a +chance of clearing herself; dismissal was inevitable; that was why she +went to the market-place. She had not largely assisted her family in +living by their wits without having those faculties in exceeding good +working order; she had already seen and seized the only thing open to +her when the end should come. But the fact that she knew how it would +end did not prevent her from giving battle; the knowledge only made +her change her tactics, and, as there was no use in defending her +position (and companion) she was able to concentrate her forces in +harassing the enemy. + +In these circumstances it is not wonderful that Denah did not derive +the satisfaction she expected from the affair. Julia, unrepentant and +reckless because of her known fate, unhampered by Rawson-Clew's +presence, and flatly declining to give any particulars about him, +would have been an awkward antagonist for one cleverer than the Dutch +girl. Poor Denah lost her temper, and lost her head, and lost control +of her tongue and her tears. Julia did not lose anything, but again +and again winged shafts that went unerringly home. She was genuinely +sorry to have upset and disappointed Mevrouw, but for Denah she did +not care in the least, and the old lady soon contrived to soften some +of the regret, for she was far too angry and shocked at the +impropriety to have any gentler feelings of sorrow or to believe what +she was told. Vrouw Snieder acted principally as chorus of horror; she +was shocked and angry too, on Mevrouw's account and on her own and her +daughter's; she seemed to think they had all been outraged together. + +When Mijnheer came in they were all talking at once and Denah was +weeping copiously. Julia's part in the conversation was small; she +just shot a word in here and there, but apparently never without +effect, for her utterances, like drops of water on hot metal, were +always followed by fresh bursts of excitement. The good man tried in +vain to make out what was the matter and what had happened. At last, +after his fifth effort elsewhere, he turned to Julia, and she told him +briefly. She told the truth, only suppressing Rawson-Clew's name and +all details concerning him, saying merely that he was a man she had +met before she left England. The two elder sisters gradually became +silent to listen; Denah listened too, only sniffing occasionally. + +"You pretended you did not know him the day we went the excursion," +she said vindictively; "I saw you; I knew you were not to be trusted +then. Why did you pretend, and how do you know him? He is a man of +family; he has the air of it, very distinguished, and you are nothing +at all, nobody--" + +"Hush!" said Mijnheer; "that is not the point; it is of no importance +who the man may be, he is a man, that is enough; and she was out with +him--alone--a whole day and night; it is certainly very bad indeed; +shocking, if it is true--is it true?" + +He looked at Julia, and she answered, "Yes." + +She was sorry, very sorry, but more on his account than her own; she +could see how heinous he thought it, how she had fallen in his esteem, +and she was sorry for it. But at the same time she knew her conduct +really had been no more than indiscreet; and she did not repent; she +regretted nothing but being found out, and that not so much as she +ought now that the joy of battle was upon her. As for the women, they +suspected far worse than Mijnheer believed; but even if they had not, +if they had believed no more than the truth, that would have been +enough for condemnation; her offence--the real one--was past +forgiveness; she must go. She received the sentence meekly; she knew +she deserved no less from these kind if narrow-minded people. Denah +smiled triumphantly; Julia felt she deserved that too; moreover, +Denah's nose was so pink and her face so swelled with tears, that the +smile was more amusing than exasperating. + +"I am sorry," she said; "I am sorry you should all have to think so +ill of me, and that I should deserve it. You have been very kind to me +while I have been here, and made my service easy; I am ashamed to have +deceived you and behaved in such a way as you must condemn." + +Unfortunately Vrouw Snieder snorted here; she did not believe in these +protestations and she said so, inducing Vrouw Van Heigen to do the +same. Mijnheer looked doubtfully at Julia for a moment, then he came +to the conclusion that if she was not too abandoned a person to be +really repentant, it would be as well to take advantage of her +professed state of mind and drive home some moral lessons. Accordingly +he and the two elder ladies drove them home, with the result that +Julia's regret dwindled to nothing. + +"Mijnheer," she said at last, quietly yet effectually breaking in upon +his words; "Mijnheer, you are a very good man, Mevrouw is a virtuous +woman, and Vrouw Snieder also, all of you. I have often admired your +goodness; when you were least conscious of it it preached to me, +making me ashamed of my wickedness. But now that you, in your +goodness, have taken to preaching to me yourselves, I am no longer +ashamed, for it is clear that your goodness dares to do a thing that +no man's wickedness would; it turns the foolish and indiscreet into +sinners and sinners into devils; it makes the way of wrong-doing very +easy. You are so good," she went on, putting aside an interruption; +"perhaps you do not know wickedness when you see it; you cannot +distinguish between sin and sin; you are like those who would hang a +man for stealing bread as soon as for killing a child. What! Are you +indignant, Mevrouw, at such a charge? Are you not turning out, with no +character and no chance--a good enough imitation of hanging--a girl +who has been no more than foolish, just the same as if she had +committed the greatest sin?" + +Vrouw Heigen broke in angrily, and Vrouw Snieder and Denah, +inexpressibly shocked; Mijnheer was also shocked, but he, and they +too, were vaguely uneasy under the reproach. Julia was satisfied; more +especially as her experience of them led her to expect they would, +though never persuaded they had made a mistake, yet feel more uneasy +by and by. + +She rose from her chair. "Yes," she said, "it is a shame to speak of +such things, as you observe; do not let us speak of them any more. +Perhaps Mijnheer you would like to pay me, then I can go." + +Mijnheer agreed rather hastily; then, realising the suddenness of the +step, he paused with his purse in his hand. "But can you go now?" he +asked. "Nothing is arranged; you had better wait a day or two." + +"No," Julia answered, "I think not; it would be well to get the thing +over and done with; you would rather and so would I." + +No one contradicting this, Mijnheer counted the money and gave it to +Julia. + +"Thank you," she said; "now I will set the table for coffee drinking. +You will stay, of course, Mevrouw," she went on, turning to Vrouw +Snieder--"and Miss Denah, that will be two extra--Mijnheer Joost will +be in, Denah; you can tell him about it." + +Denah flushed indignantly, and Vrouw Snieder could only say +"You--You--" + +"Oh, I will not sit down with you, of course," Julia answered sweetly; +"I will take my coffee in the little room; is it not so, Mevrouw?" + +Vrouw Van Heigen nodded; she did not know what else to do, and Julia +went away, leaving them as awkward and at a loss for words as if they +were the delinquents, not she. Denah felt this and resented it; the +elders felt it too, and for a moment or two looked at one another ill +at ease. However, in a little they recovered and began to talk over +Julia and her wrong doings till they felt quite comfortable again. +Denah did not join very much in the discussion; after she had once +again, by request, repeated what she had seen and what deduced +therefrom, she was left rather to herself. She went to the window and +sat there looking out for Joost; he was certain to come in soon, and +she found consolation in the thought. Joost, the model of modesty and +decorous serious propriety, would know the English girl in her true +colours now, and be justly disgusted and shocked to think that he had +ever ridden beside her on a merry-go-round. + +Just then Julia passed carrying a tray of cups. "Denah," she said, +pitching her voice soft and low in the tone the Dutch girl hated most, +"I will give you a piece of advice; take care how you tell Joost about +my wickedness; you want to be ever so clever to abuse another girl to +a man; it is one of the most difficult things in the world--and you +are not very clever, you know, not even clever enough to take my +advice." + +Denah was not clever enough to take the advice nor in any humour to do +so; she stared angrily at Julia, who unconcernedly put the cups on the +table and vanished into the kitchen. + +Joost came in for coffee drinking, and the whole party with one accord +told him the tale; Julia heard them through the closed door as she sat +sipping her coffee in the little room. She did not hear him say +anything at all except just at first, "I won't believe it!" in a tone +which roused again, and with added strength, the regret she had felt +before for repaying belief and kindness by such disillusioning. +Afterwards he seemed to say nothing more; presumably they had +convinced him with overwhelming evidence. She wondered how he looked; +she could picture his serious blue eyes uncomfortable well; poor +Joost, who had such high opinions of her, who thought she, seeing the +low, chose the high path always in the greatness of her knowledge and +strength; who had called her a lantern, sometimes dimmed, but always a +beacon! The lantern was obscured just now, very badly obscured. She +rose and went up to her room; she would clear the table after Joost +had gone back to work. + +She did so, coming down when he and Mijnheer were safely in the +office. When she had done she went to Mevrouw, who had betaken herself +to her room worn out by the morning's excitement. + +"Would you prefer that I went at once?" she inquired, "or that I +waited till after dinner? I will stay till six if you wish it, or I +will go now without waiting to attend to the dinner." + +Vrouw Van Heigen preferred the waiting; it would be so very much +better for the dinner, and really it hardly seemed as if propriety +could suffer much; accordingly she said with what dignity she could +that the girl had better stay till the evening. + +Julia went down-stairs again and set to work preparing the dinner, and +it was perhaps only natural that she took pains to make that dinner a +memorably good one. It was while she was busy in the kitchen that a +note was brought to her. + +"Put it on the table," she said to the servant girl; her hands just +then were too floury to take it, but she looked at it as it lay on the +table beside her. She did not recognise the writing, though she saw at +once that it was not that of a Dutchman. "Who brought it?" she asked, +beginning to clean her hands. + +The servant could not say, but from her description Julia gathered +that it must have been a special messenger of some sort. On hearing +this, she did not trouble to clean her hands any more, but opened the +letter at once, making floury finger-prints upon it. + + "DEAR MISS POLKINGTON, (it ran), + + "There is one subject I did not mention to you yesterday; + you might perhaps have thought it too serious for holiday + consideration; nevertheless, it is a question that I feel I + must ask before I leave Holland. Will you do me the honour + of becoming my wife? I know there is rather a difference in + years between us, but if you can overlook the discrepancy, + and consent, you will give me the utmost satisfaction. I + honestly believe it will make for the happiness of us both; + I have a feeling that we were meant to continue our + 'excursion' together. + + "Very sincerely yours, + + "H. F. RAWSON-CLEW." + +So Julia read, and sat down suddenly on the flour barrel. She turned +to the beginning of the letter and read it through again, and when she +looked up her eyes were shining with admiration. "I am glad!" she said +aloud, but in English, "I am glad he has done it! It's splendid, +splendid! I never thought of it--but then I don't believe I knew what +a real gentleman was before!" + +The maidservant started at her curiously; she could not understand a +word, but she saw that the letter gave pleasure, for which she was +glad; she liked Julia, and was very sorry she was going in disgrace; +she herself had occasional lapses from rectitude and so consequently +had a fellow feeling. + +"You have a good letter?" she asked. + +"Very good," Julia said; "but we must get on with the cooking; I will +answer it by and by." + +Julia put it in her pocket after another glance, purring to herself in +English, "It is so well done, too," she said; "never a word of to-day, +only of yesterday--yesterday!" and she laughed softly. + +There is no doubt about it, if Julia had got to receive a death +sentence she would have liked it to be well given; it is quite +possible, had she lived at the time, she would have been one of those +who objected to the indignity of riding in the tumbrils quite as much +as to the guillotine at the end of the ride. + +She finished the preparations for dinner, got her pots and pans all +nicely simmering and her oven at the right heat; then, giving some +necessary directions, she left the servant to watch the cooking and +went up to her own room. There she at once proceeded to answer the +letter-- + + "DEAR MR. RAWSON-CLEW, (she wrote), + + "I am as glad as anything that you have done it; I never for + a moment thought of it myself, though I ought, for it is + just like you; thank you ever so much. + + "Please don't bother about me, I am all right and have + arranged capitally." + + Here she turned over his letter to see how he had signed + himself and, seeing, signed in imitation-- + + "Yours very sincerely, + + "JULIA POLKINGTON." + +"I wonder what his name is?" she speculated; "H. F.--H.--Henry, +Horace--I shouldn't think he had a name people called him by." + +She read her own letter through, and as she was folding it stopped; it +occurred to her that he might think courtesy demanded a formal refusal +of his proposal. It was, of course, quite unnecessary; the refusal +went without saying; she would no more have dreamed of accepting his +quixotic offer than he would have dreamed of avoiding the necessity of +making it; the one was as much a _sine quâ non_ to her as the other +was to him. From which it would appear that in some ways at least +their notions of honour were not so many miles apart. + +She flattened her letter again; perhaps he would think the definite +word more polite, so she added a postscript-- + + "Of course this means no. I am sorry we can't go on with the + excursion, but we can't, you know. The holiday is over; this + is 'to-morrow,' so good-bye." + +After that she fastened the envelope, and a while later went out to +post it. As she went up the drive she caught sight of Joost some +distance away in the gardens; his face was not towards her, and she +congratulated herself that he had not seen her. However, the +congratulations were premature; when she came back from the post she +found him standing just inside the gate waiting for her, obviously +waiting. At least it was obvious to her; she had caught people herself +before now, and so recognised that she was caught too plainly to +uselessly attempt getting away. + +"Do you want to hear what happened yesterday?" she asked, with an +effrontery she did not feel. "I expect Denah has told you all, perhaps +a little more than all, still, enough of it was true." + +"I want to speak to you," he said, and parted the high bushes that +bordered the left of the drive. + +Julia reluctantly enough, but feeling that she owed him what +explanation was possible, went through. Behind the bushes there was a +small enclosed space used for growing choice bulbs; it was empty now, +the sandy soil quite bare and dry; but it was very retired, being +surrounded by an eight foot hedge with only one opening besides the +way by which they had come in through the looser-growing bushes. Julia +made her way down to the opening; with her practical eye for such +things, she recognised that it would be the best way of escape, just +as the loose-growing bushes offered the likeliest point of attack. +This, of course, did not matter to her, she being in the case of "he +who is down," but it might matter a good deal to Joost if his father +looked through the bushes, and he would never know how to take care of +himself. + +"Well?" she said, when she had taken up this discreet position. But as +he did not seem ready she went on, "I really don't think there is +anything to say; I did wrong yesterday, not quite as much wrong as +your mother and Denah think, still wrong--what my own people would +have disapproved, at least if it were found out; that's the biggest +crime on their list--and what I knew your people would condemn +utterly. I am afraid I have no excuse to offer; I knew what I was +doing, and I did it with my eyes open. I did not see any harm in it +myself but I knew other people would, so I meant to say nothing. I had +deceived your parents before, and I meant to keep on doing it. You +know I had walked with that man lots of times before yesterday; all +the time your mother thought me so good to visit your cousin I really +enjoyed doing it because I walked with him." + +"Do you love him?" The question was asked low and almost jerkily. + +"Love him?" Julia said in surprise; "no, of course not. That is where +the difference comes in, I believe; you all seem to think there is +nothing but love and love-making and kissing and cuddling. I have just +liked talking to him and I suppose he liked talking to me, as you +might some friend, or Denah some girl she knew. We never thought about +love and all that; we couldn't, you know; he belongs to a different +lot from what I do. Do you understand?" + +"Yes, I understand," he answered, and there was a vibrant note in his +voice which was new to her. "I understand that it is you who are right +and we who are wrong--you who know good and evil and can choose, we +who suspect and think and hint, believing ill when there is none. +Rather than send you away, we should ask your forgiveness!" + +"You should do nothing of the kind," Julia said decidedly, beginning +to take alarm. "I may not have been wrong in quite the way your +parents think, but I was wrong all the same. I am not good, believe +me; I am not as you are. Look at me, I am bad inwardly, and really I +am what you would condemn and despise." + +She was standing in the afternoon sunlight, dark, slim, alert, +intensely alive, full of a twisty varied knowledge, a creature of +another world. She felt that he must know and recognise the gulf +between if only he would look fairly at her. + +He did look fairly, but he recognised only what was in his own mind. + +"You are to me a beacon--" he began. + +But she, realising at last that Denah's jealousy was not after all +without foundations, cut him short. + +"I am not a beacon," she said, "before you take me for a guiding light +you had better hear something about me. Do you know why I came here? I +will tell you--it was to get your blue daffodil!" + +He stared at her speechless, and she found it bad to see the surprise +and almost uncomprehending pain which came into his face, as into the +face of a child unjustly smitten. But she went on resolutely: "I heard +of it in England, that it was worth a lot of money--and I wanted +money--so I came here; I meant to get a bulb and sell it." + +"You meant to?" he said slowly; "but you haven't--you couldn't?" + +"I could, six times over if I liked." + +"But you have not." + +"No. I was a fool, and you were--Oh, I can't explain; you would never +understand, and it does not matter. The thing that matters is that I +came here to get your blue daffodil." + +"You must have needed money very greatly," he said in a puzzled, +pitying voice. + +"I did, I wanted it desperately, but that does not matter either--I +came here to steal; I go away because I am found out to have deceived +and to have behaved improperly--I want you to understand that." + +"I do not understand," he answered; "I understand nothing but that you +are you, and--and I love you." + +"You don't!" she cried in sharp protest. "You do not, and you cannot! +You think you love what you think I am. But I am not that; it is all +quite different; when you, know, when you realise, you will see it." + +"I realise now," he answered; "it is still the light, only sometimes +dim." + +"Dim!" she repeated, "it has gone out!" + +"And if it has, what then? If you are all you say you are, and all +they say you are, and many worse things besides, what then? It makes +no difference." + +He spoke with the curious quietness with which he always spoke of what +he was quite sure. But she drew back against the hedge, clasping her +hands together, her calmness all gone. "Oh, what have I done! What +have I done!" she said, overcome with pity and remorse. + +He drew a step nearer, misinterpreting the emotion. "I will take care +of you," he said. "Will you not let me take care of you?" + +She looked up, and though her eyes were full of tears he might have +read his answer there, in her recovered calmness, in the very +gentleness of her manner. "You cannot," she said sadly; "you couldn't +possibly do it. Don't you see that it is impossible? Your parents, the +people--" + +"That is of no importance," he answered; "my parents would very soon +see you in your true light, and for the rest--what does it matter? If +you will marry me I--" + +"But Joost, I can't! Don't you feel yourself that I can't? We are not +only of two nations--that is nothing--but we are almost of two races; +we are night and day, oil and water, black and white. It would never +do; we should be on the outskirts of each other's lives, you would +never know mine, and though I might know yours, I could never really +enter in." + +"That is nothing," he said, "if you love." + +"It is everything," she answered, "if two people do not talk the same +language, soul language, I mean." + +"They will learn it if they love--but you do not? Is it that, tell me. +Ah, yes, you do, a little, little bit! Only a little, so that you +hardly know it, but it is enough--if you have the least to give that +would do; I would do all the rest; I would love you; I would stand +between you and the whole world; in time it would come, in time you +would care!" + +He had come close to her now; in his eagerness he pressed against her, +and, earnestness overcoming diffidence, he almost ventured to take her +hand in his. She felt herself inwardly shrink from him with the +repulsion that young wild animals feel at times for mere contact. But +outwardly she did not betray it; pity for him kept nature under +control. + +"I cannot," she said very gently; "I can never care." + +Then he knew that he had his answer, and there was no appeal; he drew +back a pace, and because he never said one word of regret, or +reproach, or pleading, her heart smote her. + +"I am so sorry!" she said; "I am so sorry. Oh, why is everything so +hard! Joost, dear Joost, you must not mind; I am not half good enough +for you; I'm not, indeed. Please forget me and--let me go." + +And with that she turned and fled into the house. + +The maidservant in the kitchen was minding the pots; it still wanted +some while to dinner time; she did not expect the English miss would +come yet, probably not till it was necessary to dish up. The letter, +of course, would have occupied her some time; she had gone out +probably to meet the writer--the maid never for a moment doubted him +to be the sharer of yesterday's escapade. She heard Julia come in, and +judged the meeting to have been a pleasant one, as it had taken time. +She had gone up-stairs now, doubtless to pack her things; that would +occupy her till almost dinner time. + +It did, for she did not begin directly, but sat on her bed instead, +doing nothing for a time. But when she did begin, she went to work +methodically, folding garments with care and packing them neatly; her +heart ached for Joost and for the tangle things were in, but that did +not prevent her attending to details when she once set to work. At +last she had everything done, even her hat and coat ready to put on +when dinner should be over. Then, after a final glance round to see +that she had left nothing but the charred fragments of Rawson-Clew's +letter, she went down-stairs and got the dinner ready. + +She did not take her meal with the family, but again had it in the +little room. She brought the dishes to and fro from the kitchen, +however, so she passed close to Joost once or twice and saw his grave +face and serious blue eyes, as she had seen them every day since her +first coming. And when she looked at him, and saw him, his appearance, +his small mannerisms, himself in fact, a voice inside her cried down +the aching pity, saying, "I could not do it, I could not do it!" But +when she was alone in the little room with the door shut between, the +pity grew strong again till it almost welled up in tears. Poor Joost! +Poor humble, earnest, unselfish Joost! That he should care so, that he +should have set his hopes on her, his star--a will-o'-wisp of devious +ways! That he should ache for this unworthy cause, and for it shut his +eyes to the homely happiness which might have been his! + +She rose quickly and went up-stairs to get her hat and jacket. Soon +after, the carriage, which she had extravagantly ordered, came, and +she called the servant to help her down with her luggage. They got it +down the narrow staircase between them and into the hall; Julia +glanced back at the white marble kitchen for the last time, and at the +dim little sitting-room. Vrouw Van Heigen was there, very much +absorbed in crochet; but she had left the door ajar so that she might +know when Julia went, and that must have occupied a prominent place in +her mind, for she made a mistake at every other stitch. + +"Good-bye, Mevrouw," Julia said. + +Vrouw Van Heigen grunted; she remembered what was due to herself and +propriety. + +"And, oh," Julia looked back to say as she remembered it, "don't +forget that last lot of peach-brandy we made, it was not properly tied +down; you ought to look at the covers some time this week." + +"Ah, yes," said the old lady, forgetting propriety, "thank you, thank +you, I'll see to it; it will never do to have that go; such fine +peaches too." + +Then Julia went out and got into the carriage. Mijnheer was in his +office; he did not think it quite right to come to see her start +either; all the same he came to the door to tell the driver to be +careful not to go on the grass. Joost came also and looked over his +father's shoulder, and Julia, who had been amused at Vrouw Van Heigen, +suddenly forgot this little amusement again. + +Joost left his father. "I will tell the man," he said. "I will go +after him too and shut the gate; it grows late for it to be open." + +The carriage had already started, and he had to hurry after it; even +then he did not catch it up till it was past the bend of the drive. +Then the man saw him and pulled up, though it is doubtful if he got +any order or, indeed, any word. Julia had been looking back, but from +the other side; and because she had been looking back and remembering +much happiness and simplicity here, she was so grieved for one at +least who dwelt here that her eyes were full of tears. + +Joost saw them when, on the stopping of the carriage, she turned. "Do +not weep," he said; "you must not weep for me." + +"I am so sorry," she said; "so dreadfully sorry!" + +"But you must not be," he told her; "there is no need." + +"There is every need; you have been so kind to me, so good; you have +almost taught me--though you don't know it--some goodness too, and in +return I have brought you nothing but sadness." + +"Ah, yes, sadness," he said; "but gladness too, and the gladness is +more than the sadness. Would you not sooner know the fine even though +you cannot attain to it, than be content with the little all your +life? I would, and it is that which you have given me. It is I who +give nothing--" + +He hesitated as if for a moment at a loss, and she had no words to +fill in the pause. + +"Will you take this?" he said, half thrusting something forward. "It +is, perhaps, not much to some, but I would like you to have it; it +seems fitting; I think I owe it to you, and you to it." + +"Oh, yes, yes," she murmured, hardly hearing and not grasping the last +words; there was something choking in her throat; it was this strange, +humble, disinterested love, so new to her, which brought it there and +prevented her from understanding. + +She stretched out her hands, and he put something into them; then he +stepped back, and the carriage drove on. It was not till the gateway +was passed that she realised what it was she held--a small bag made +of the greyish-brown paper used on a bulb farm; inside, a single bulb; +and outside, written, according to the invariable custom of growers-- + + "Narcissus Triandrus Azureum Vrouw Van Heigen." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +A REPRIEVE + + +Rawson-Clew was reading a letter. It was breakfast time; the letter +had missed the afternoon post yesterday, which was what the writer +would have wished, and so was not delivered at the hotel till the +morning. It was short, from the beginning--"I am so glad you have done +it," to the end of the postscript--"this is to-morrow, so good-bye." +There was not much to read; yet he looked at it for some time. Did +ever man receive such a refusal to an offer of marriage? It was almost +absurd, and perhaps hardly flattering, yet somehow characteristic of +the writer; Rawson-Clew recognised that now, though it had surprised +him none the less. What was to be done next? See the girl, he +supposed, and hear what she proposed to do; she wrote that she had +arranged "capitally," but she did not say what. He was quite certain +she was not going to remain with the Van Heigens; if by some +extraordinary accident she had been able to bring that about, she +would certainly have told him so triumphantly. He could not think of +anything "capital" she could have arranged; he was persuaded, either +that she only said it to reassure him, or else, if she believed it, it +was in her ignorance of the extent of the damage done yesterday. He +must go and see her, hear what she had planned, and what further +trouble she was thinking to get herself into, and prevent it in the +only way possible; and there was only one way, there was absolutely +no other solution of the difficulty; she must marry him, and there was +an end of it. He glanced at her refusal again, and liked it in spite +of its absurdity; after all, perhaps it would have been better if he +had been frank too; one could afford to dispense with the delicate +conventions that he associated with women in dealing with this girl. +He wished he had gone to her and spoken freely, as man to man, saying +plainly that since they had together been indiscreet, they must +together take the consequence, and make the best of it--and really the +best might be very good. + +Soon after he had finished breakfast he set out for the Van Heigens' +house. But as yet, though he had some comprehension of Julia, he had +not fully realised the promptness of action which necessity had taught +her. When he reached the Van Heigens' she had been gone some sixteen +hours. + +It was Vrouw Van Heigen who told him; she was in the veranda when he +arrived, and so, perforce, saw him and answered his inquiries. It was +evident, at the outset, that neither his appearance nor name conveyed +anything to her; she had not seen him the day of the excursion, and +Denah's description, purposely complicated by a cross description of +Julia's, had conveyed nothing, and his name had never transpired. He +saw he was unknown, and recognised Julia's loyal screening of him, not +with any satisfaction; evidently it was part of her creed to stand +between a man (father or otherwise) and the consequence of his acts. +That was an additional reason for finding her and explaining that he, +unlike Captain Polkington, was not used to anything of the sort. + +"She has gone?" he said, in answer to Vrouw Van Heigen's brief +information. The old lady was decidedly nervous of the impressive +Englishman who had come asking after her disgraced companion; she +moved her fat hands uneasily even before he asked, "Where has she +gone? Perhaps you would be kind enough to give me her address?" + +"I cannot," she was obliged to say; "I have not it. I do not know +where she is." + +Rawson-Clew stared. "But surely," he said, "you are mistaken? She was +here yesterday." + +"Yes, yes; I know. But she is not here now; she went last night in +haste. I will tell you about it. You are a friend? Come in." + +Without waiting, she led him into the drawing-room, and there left him +in some haste. The room struck him as familiar; he wondered why, until +he remembered that it must have been Julia's description which made +him so well acquainted with it. It was all just as she described; the +thick, dark-coloured carpet, with the little carefully-bound strips of +the same material laid over it to make paths to the piano, the stove, +and other frequented spots. The highly-polished furniture, upholstered +in black and yellow Utrecht velvet, the priceless Chinese porcelain +brought home by old Dutch merchants, and handed down from mother to +daughter for generations; the antimacassars of crochet work, the +snuff-coloured wall-paper, the wonderful painted tiles framed in ebony +that hung upon it. It was all just as she had said; the very light and +smell seemed familiar, she must somehow have given him an idea of them +too. + +Just then Vrouw Van Heigen came back, and her husband with her; she +had been to fetch him, not feeling equal to dealing with the visitor +alone. Mijnheer, by her request, had put on his best coat, but he +still had his spectacles pushed upon his forehead, as they always were +when he was disturbed in the office. + +There was a formal greeting--one never dispensed with that in Holland, +then Mijnheer said, "You are, I suppose, a friend of Miss Polkington's +father?" + +Rawson-Clew, remembering the winter day at Marbridge, answered, "I am +acquainted with him." + +Mijnheer nodded. "Yes, yes," he said; then, "it is very sad, and much +to be regretted. I cannot but give to you, and through you to her +father, very bad news of Miss Polkington. She is not what we thought +her; she has disgraced--" + +But here Rawson-Clew interrupted, but in the quiet, leisurely way +which was so incomprehensible to the Hollanders. "My dear sir," he +said, "please spare yourself the trouble of these details; I am the +man with whom Miss Polkington had the misfortune to be lost on the +Dunes." + +Vrouw Van Heigen gasped; the gentle, drawling voice, the manner, the +whole air of the speaker overwhelmed her, and shattered all her +previous thoughts of the affair. With Mijnheer it was different; right +was right, and wrong wrong to him, no matter who the persons concerned +might be. + +"Then, sir," he said, growing somewhat red, "I am glad indeed that I +cannot tell you where she is." + +Rawson-Clew looked up with faint admiration, righteous indignation, or +at all events the open expression of it, was a discourtesy practically +extinct with the people among whom he usually lived. He felt respect +for the old bulb grower who would be guilty of it. + +"I am sorry you should think so badly of me," he said; "I can only +assure you that it is without reason. You do not believe me? I suppose +it is quite useless for me to say that my sole motive in seeking Miss +Polkington is a desire to prevent her from coming to any harm?" + +"She will, I should think, come to less harm without you than with +you," Mijnheer retorted; and Rawson-Clew, seeing as plainly as Julia +had yesterday, the impossibility of making the position clear, did not +attempt it. + +"I hope you may be right," he said, "but I am afraid she will be in +difficulties. She had little money, and no friends in Holland, and +was, I have reason to believe, on such terms with her family that it +would not suit her to return to England." + +"Ah, but she must have gone to England!" Vrouw Van Heigen cried. "She +went away in a carriage as one does when one goes to the station to +start on a journey." + +"She received letters from her family," Mijnheer said sturdily, "not +frequently, but occasionally; there was not, I think, any quarrel or +disagreement. She must certainly have set out to return home last +night. If not, and if she had nowhere to go, why should she leave as +she did yesterday? We did not say 'go!' we were content that she +should remain several days, until her arrangements could be made." + +"She might not have cared for that," Rawson-Clew suggested; "if you +insinuated to her the sort of things you did to me; women do not like +that, as a rule, you know." + +All the same, as he said this, he could not help thinking Mijnheer +right; Julia must have had somewhere to go. Her dignity and feelings +were not of the order to lose sight of essentials in details, or to +demand unreasonable sacrifice of common sense. She must have had some +destination in view when she left the Van Heigens yesterday, and, as +far as he could see, there was no destination open to her but home. + +Mijnheer was firmly of this opinion, although, now that a question +about it had been suggested to him, he wished he had made sure before +the girl left. Of course, her plans and destination were no business +of his--she might even have refused to give information about them on +that account; he had dismissed her in disgrace, what she did next was +not his concern. But in spite of her bad behaviour he had liked her; +and though his notions of propriety, and consequent condemnation of +her, had undergone no change, he was kind-heartedly anxious she should +come to no harm. Her words about some good people making the merely +indiscreet into sinners came back to him, but he would not apply them; +Julia had gone home, he was sure of it, and a good thing too; the +Englishman with the quiet voice and the grand manner could not follow +her there to her detriment. Though, to be sure, it was strange that +such a man as he should want to; he was not the kind of person +Mijnheer had expected the partner in the escapade to be; truly the +English were a strange people, very strange. His wife agreed with him +on that point; they often said so afterwards--in fact, whenever they +thought of the disgraced companion, who was such an excellent cook. + +As for Rawson-Clew, he returned to England; there was nothing to keep +him longer in Holland. But as he was still not sure how Julia's +"capital arrangement" was going to be worked out, and was determined +to bear his share of the burden, he decided to go to Marbridge on an +early opportunity. + +The opportunity did not occur quite so soon as he expected; several +things intervened, so that he had been home more than a week before he +was able to fulfil his intention. Marbridge lies in the west country, +some considerable distance from London; Rawson-Clew did not reach it +till the afternoon, at an hour devoted by the Polkingtons most +exclusively to things social. It is to be feared, however, that he did +not consider the Polkingtons collectively at all; it was Julia, and +Julia alone, of whom he was thinking when he knocked at the door of +No. 27 East Street. + +The door was opened by a different sort of servant from the one who +had opened it to him the last time he came; rather a smart-looking +girl she was, with her answers quite ready. + +"Miss Julia Polkington was not at home," she said, and, in answer to +his inquiry when she was expected, informed him that she did not know. + +"There is no talk of her coming home, sir," she said; "she is abroad, +I think; she has been gone some time." + +"Since when?" + +The girl did not know. "In the spring, I think, sir," she said; "she +has not been here all the summer." + +Then, it seemed, his first suspicion was correct; Julia had not gone +home; for some reason or another she was not able to return. + +"Is Captain Polkington in?" he asked. + +He was not; there was no one at home now; but Mrs. Polkington would be +in in about an hour. The maid added the last, feeling sure her +mistress would be sorry to let such a visitor slip. + +But Rawson-Clew did not want to see Mrs. Polkington; she, he was +nearly sure, represented the aspiring side of the family, not the one +to whom Julia would turn in straits. The improved look of the house +and the servant suggested that the family was hard at work aspiring +just now, and so less likely than ever to be ready to welcome the +girl, or anxious to give true news of her if they had any to give. +Captain Polkington, who no one could connect with the ascent of the +social ladder, might possibly know something; at all events, there +was a better chance of it, and he certainly could very easily be made +to tell anything he did know. + +"When do you expect Captain Polkington home?" he asked. + +"Not for a month or more, I believe, sir," was the answer; "he is in +London just now." + +Rawson-Clew asked for his address; it occurred to him that Julia might +have gone to her father; it really seemed very probable. He got the +address in full, and went away, but without leaving any name to puzzle +and tantalise Mrs. Polkington. Of course she was puzzled and +tantalised when the maid told her of the visitor. From past +experience, she expected something unpleasant of his coming, even +though the description sounded favourable; but, as she heard no more +of it, she forgot all about him in the course of time. + +It was on the next afternoon that Rawson-Clew drove to 31 Berwick +Street. There are several Berwick Streets in London, and, though the +address given was full enough for the postal authorities, the cabman +had some difficulty in finding it, and went wrong before he went +right. It was a dingy street, and not very long; it had an +unimportant, apologetic sort of air, as if it were quite used to being +overlooked. The houses were oldish, and very narrow, so that a good +many were packed into the short length; the pavement was narrow, too, +and so were the windows; they, for the most part, were carefully +draped with curtains of doubtful hue. Some were further guarded from +prying eyes by sort of gridirons, politely called balconies, though, +since the platform had been forgotten, and only the protecting +railings were there hard up against the glass, the name was deceptive. + +The hansom came slowly down the street, the driver scanning the +frequent doors for 31. He overlooked it by reason of the fact that the +number had been rubbed off, but finally located it by discovering most +of the numbers above and below. Rawson-Clew got out and rang. In +course of time--rather a long time--the door was opened to him by the +landlady--that same landlady who had confided to Mr. Gillat the +desirability of having a good standing with the butcher. + +"Cap'ain Polkington?" she said, in answer to Rawson-Clew's inquiry. "I +don't know whether he's in or not; you'd better go up and see; one of +'em's there, anyhow." + +She stood back against the wall, and Rawson-Clew came in. + +"Up-stairs," she said; "second door you come to." + +With that she went down to the kitchen regions; she was no respecter +of persons, and she thanked God she had plenty of her own business to +mind, and never troubled herself poking into other people's. +Consequently, though she might wonder what a man of Rawson-Clew's +appearance should want with her lodgers, she did not let it interfere +with her work, or take the edge off her tongue in the heated argument +she held with the milkman, who came directly after. + +Rawson-Clew found his way up the stairs; they were steep, and had +rather the appearance of having been omitted in the original plan of +the house, and squeezed in as an afterthought, when it was found +really impossible to do without. There was no window to give light to +them, or air either; hence, no doubt, the antiquity of the flavour of +cabbage and fried bacon with hung about them. But Rawson-Clew, when he +ascended, found the second door without trouble; there was not room to +get lost. He knocked; he half expected to hear Julia's voice; it +seemed to him probable that she was the person referred to as "one of +them." But it was a man who bade him enter, and, unless his memory +played him false, not Captain Polkington. + +It was not the Captain, it was Johnny Gillat. He was reading the +newspaper--Captain Polkington had it in the morning, he in the +afternoon; he wore, or attempted to (they fell off rather often), very +old slippers indeed, and a coat of surprising shabbiness which he +reserved for home use. For a moment he stared at his visitor in +astonishment, and Rawson-Clew apologised for his intrusion. "I was +looking for Captain Polkington," he said. "I was told he was probably +here." + +"Ah!" Mr. Gillat exclaimed, his face lighting into a smile. "Of +course, of course! Captain Polkington's out just now, but he'll be in +soon. Come in, won't you; come in and wait for him." + +He hospitably dragged forward the shabby easy-chair. "Try that, won't +you?" he said. "It's really comfortable--not that one, that's a little +weak in the legs; it ought to be put away; it's deceptive to people +who don't know it." + +He pushed the offending chair against the wall, his slippers flapping +on his feet, so that he thought it less noticeable to surreptitiously +kick them off. "My name's Gillat," he went on. "Captain Polkington is +an old friend of mine." + +"Mr. Gillat?" Rawson-Clew said. He remembered the name, and something +Julia had said about the bearer of it. It was he who had given her the +big gold watch she wore, and he of whom she had seemed fond, in a +half-protecting, half-patient way, that was rather inexplicable--at +least it was till he saw Mr. Gillat. + +"Perhaps," Rawson-Clew said, "you can tell me what I want to know--it +is about Miss Julia Polkington. I met her in Holland during the +summer." + +He may have thought of giving some idea of intimacy, or of explaining +his interest; but, if so, he changed his mind; anything of the kind +was perfectly unnecessary to Mr. Gillat, who did not dream of +questioning his reason. + +"Ah, yes," he said; "Julia is in Holland; she has been there a long +time." + +"Is she there still?" Rawson-Clew asked. "Can you give me her +address?" + +"Well," Johnny said regretfully, "not exactly. But she is abroad +somewhere," the last with an increase of cheerfulness, as if to +indicate that this was something, at all events. + +"You don't know where she is?" Rawson-Clew inquired. "Does her father? +I suppose he does--some one must." + +"No," Johnny said. "No; I'm afraid not. Certainly her father does not, +nor her mother--none of us know; but, as you say, somebody must +know--the people she is with, for instance." + +Rawson-Clew grew a little impatient. "Do you mean," he said, "that her +family are content to know nothing of her whereabouts? Have they taken +no steps to find her?" + +"Well, you see," Johnny answered slowly, "there aren't any steps to +take. They don't want to find her; she is quite well and happy, no +doubt, and she will come back when she is ready. Mrs. Polkington--do +you know Mrs. Polkington? A wonderful woman! She is very busy just +now, she is shining. Miss Chèrie is quite a belle. They really have +not--have not accommodation for Julia; it is not, of course, that they +don't want her--they have not exactly room for her." + +"But surely they want to know where she is?" Rawson-Clew persisted. + +"No, they don't," Johnny told him. "They know she is all right; she +told them so, and told them she did not want to be found. They are +satisfied--" He broke off, feeling that the visitor was more +astonished than admiring of such a state of affairs. "Family emotions +and sentiments, you know," he explained in defence of this family, +"are not every one's strong point; the social, or the religious, or--" +(he waved his hand comprehendingly) "or the national may stand first, +and why not?" + +"Are you satisfied?" Rawson-Clew asked briefly. + +"I'd sooner be able to see her," Johnny admitted. "I'm fond of her; +yes, she's been very kind and good; I miss seeing her. But, of course, +she has her way to make in the world." + +"But are you satisfied that she should make it thus? That she should +leave the Dutch family she was with and disappear, leaving no +address?" + +"Sir," Johnny said with dignity, "I am quite satisfied, and if any one +says that he is not, I would be pleased to talk to him." + +But the dignity left Mr. Gillat's manner as quickly as it came; before +Rawson-Clew could say anything, he was apologising. "You must forgive +me," he said; "I am very fond of that little girl; and I thought--but +I had no business to think; I'm an old fool, to think you meant--" + +"I only meant," Rawson-Clew said, speaking with unconscious +gentleness, "that I was afraid she might be in difficulties. She may +be in trouble about money, or something." + +"Oh, no," Johnny said cheerfully; "she has a fine head for money +matters. I have sometimes thought, since she has been gone, that she +has the best head in the family! She's all right--quite right; there's +no need to be uneasy about her. I'll show you the letter she wrote +me." + +He opened a shabby pocket-book, and took out a letter. "There, you +read that," he said. + +Rawson-Clew read, and at the end was little wiser. Julia said she had +left one situation (reason not even suggested), and had got another. +That she did not wish to give her new address, or to hear from Mr. +Gillat, or her family, at this new place, as it might spoil her +arrangements. Rawson-Clew recognised the last word as a favourite of +Julia's; with her it was elastic, and could mean anything, from a +piece of lace arranged to fill up the neck of a dress, to a complex +and far-reaching scheme arranged to bring about some desired end. What +it meant in the present instance was not indicated, but clearly she +did not wish for interference, and, with some wisdom, took the surest +way to prevent it by making it well-nigh impossible. She had left one +means of communication, however, though apparently that was for Johnny +only. "If you and father get into any very great muddle," she wrote, +"you must let me know. Put an advertisement--one word, 'Johnny,' will +do--in a paper; I shall understand, and, if I can, I will try to do +something." A paper was suggested; it was a cheap weekly. Rawson-Clew +remembered to have seen it once in the small Dutch town that summer, +so it was to be got there. Unfortunately, as he also remembered, it +was to be got in Amsterdam and Rotterdam, and Paris and Berlin too. + +He folded the letter, and returned it to Mr. Gillat. "Thank you," he +said; "evidently, as you say, she does not wish to be found, and it +would seem she has got some sort of employment, although I am afraid +it cannot be of an easy or pleasant sort." + +He did not explain the reason he had for thinking so, and Mr. Gillat +never thought of asking. Soon after he went away. + +Clearly there was nothing to be done. Julia did not mean to have his +help and protection; and, with a decision and completeness which, now +he came to think of it, did not altogether surprise him, she has taken +care to avoid them. That absurd refusal of hers was, after all, a +reprieve, although until now he had not looked upon it in that light. +No doubt it was a good thing affairs had turned out as they had; the +marriage would have been in many ways disadvantageous. Yet he +certainly would have insisted on it, and taken trouble to do so, if +she had not put it altogether out of his power. All the same, he did +not feel as gratified as he ought, perhaps because the arrogance of +man is not pleased to have woman arbitrator of his fate, and the +instinct of gentleman is not satisfied to have her bear his burden, +perhaps for some other less clear reason. He really did not know +himself, and did not try to think; there seemed little object in doing +so, seeing that incident was closed. + +The next day he went north, and by accident travelled part of the way +with a lady of his acquaintance. She was young, not more than five or +six and twenty, nice looking too, and very well dressed. She had a lot +of small impediments with her--a cloak, a dressing-bag, sunshade, +umbrella, golf clubs--some one, no doubt, would come and clear her +when the destination was reached; in the mean time, she and her +belongings were an eminently feminine presence. She talked pleasantly +of what had happened since they last met; she had been to Baireuth +that summer, she told him, and spoke intelligently of the music, the +technique and the beauty of it, and what it stood for. She was +surprised to hear he had got no further than Holland, and more +surprised still that he had not even seen Rembrandt's masterpiece +while he was there. Her voice was smooth and even, a little loud, +perhaps, from her spending much time out of doors, not in the least +given to those subtle changes of tone which express what is not said; +but as she never wanted to express any such things, that did not +matter. + +She did not bore him with too much conversation; she had papers with +her--some three or four, and she glanced at them between whiles. +Afterwards she commented on their contents--the political situation, +the war (there is always a war somewhere), the cricket news, the new +books; touching lightly, but intelligently, on each topic in turn. + +Rawson-Clew listened and answered, polite and mildly interested. It +was some time since he had heard this agreeable kind of conversation, +and since he had come in contact with this agreeable kind of person. +He ought to have appreciated it more, as men appreciate the charm of +drawing-rooms who have long been banished from them. He came to the +conclusion that he must be growing old, not to prefer the society of a +pretty, agreeable and well-dressed woman to an empty railway carriage. + +The girl had two fine carnations in her coat; the stalks were rather +long, and so had got bruised. She regretted this, and Rawson-Clew +offered to cut them for her. He began to feel for a knife in likely +and unlikely pockets, and it was then that he first noticed a faint, +sweet smell; dry, not strong at all, more a memory than a scent. He +did not recognise what it was, nor from where it came, but it reminded +him of something, he could not think what. + +He puzzled over it as he cut the flower stalks, then all at once he +laid hold on the edge of a recollection--a pair of dark eyes, in which +mirthful, mocking lights flickered, as the sun splashes flicker on the +ground under trees--a voice, many-noted as a violin, that grew softest +when it was going to strike hardest, that expressed a hundred things +unsaid. + +He looked across at the owner of the carnations, and wondered by what +perversity of fate it was decreed that any one who could buy such good +boots, should have such ill-shaped feet to put into them; and why, if +fate so handicapped her, why she should exhibit them by crossing her +knees. He also wondered what possessed her to wear that hat; every +other well-dressed girl had a variation of the style that year, it was +the correctest of the correct for fashion, but he did not take note of +that. Men are rather blockheaded on the subject of fashion, and seldom +see the charm in the innately unbecoming and unsuitable, no matter +what decrees it. + +He looked back to the empty opposite corner, and, though until that +moment he had not really thought of Julia since he left Mr. Gillat +yesterday, he put her there in imagination now. He did not want her +there, he did not want her anywhere (there are some wines which a man +does not want, that still rather spoil his taste for others). She +would not have made the mistake of wearing such a hat; her clothes +were not new, they were distinctly shabby sometimes, but they were +well assorted. As to the boots--he remembered the day he tied her +shoe--he could imagine the man she married, if he were very young and +very foolish, of course, finding a certain pleasure in taking her +arched foot, when it was pink and bare, in the hollow of his hand. If +she were in that corner now, the quiet, twinkling smile would +certainly be on her face as she listened to the talk of books, and +men, and places, and things. He did not picture her joining even when +they spoke of things she knew, and places she had been to--he +remembered he had once heard her speak of a town which had been +spoken of this afternoon. She had somehow grasped the whole life of +the place, and laid it bare to him in a few words--the light-hearted +gaiety and the sordid misery, the black superstition and the towering +history which overhung it, and the cheerful commonplace which, like +the street cries and the gutter streams, ran through it all--the whole +flavour of the thing. The girl opposite had been to the place too; she +told him of the historic spots she had visited; she knew a deal more +about them than Julia did. She spoke of the quaint pottery to be +bought there--it had not struck Julia as quaint, any more than it did +its buyers and sellers. And she referred to the sayings and opinions +of a great pose writer, who had expressed all he knew and felt and +thought about it, and more besides. Julia, apparently, had not read +him--what reading she had done seemed to be more in the direction of +_Gil Blas_, and Dean Swift, and other kindred things in different +languages. + +The owner of the carnations glanced out of window, and commented on +the scenery, which was here rather fine--Julia would not have done +that; all the same, she would have known just what sort of country +they had passed through all the way, not only when it was fine; she +would have noticed the lie of the land, the style of work done there, +the kind of lives lived there, even, possibly, the likely difficulties +in the way of railway-making and bridge building. She would certainly +have taken account of the faces on the platforms at which they drew +up, so that without effort she could have picked out the porter who +would give the best service; the stranger in need of help, and he who +would offer it; and the guard most likely to be useful if it were +necessary to cheat the company--it was conceivable that cheating +companies might sometimes be necessary in her scheme of things. + +[Illustration: "Julia"] + +He cut another piece off the carnation stalks, they were still too +long. He did not wish Julia there; he fancied that it was likely she +would not easily find her place among the people he would meet at his +journey's end. But if there were no end--if he were going somewhere +else, east or west, north or south--say a certain old oriental town, +old and wicked as time itself, and full of the mystery and indefinable +charm of age, and iniquity, and transcendent beauty--she would like +that; she would grasp the whole, without attempting to express or +judge it. Or a little far-off Tyrolean village, remote as the +mountains from the life of the world--she would like that; the +discomfort would be nothing to her, the primitiveness, the simplicity, +everything. If he were going to some such place--why, then, there were +worse things than having to take the companion of the holiday too. + +He handed back the carnations, and then unthinkingly put his hand into +his coat-pocket. His fingers came in contact with some dry rubbish, +little more than stalks and dust, but still exhaling something of the +fragrance which had been sun distilled on the Dunes. He recognised it +now--Julia's flowers, put there in the wood, and forgotten until now. + +"Thanks so much for cutting them," said the girl with the carnations, +smelling them before she fastened them on again. "I really think they +are my favourite flower; the scent is so delicious--quite the nicest +flower of all, don't you think so?" + +"I'm not sure," Rawson-Clew said thoughtfully, and when he spoke +thoughtfully he drawled very much, "I'm not sure I don't sometimes +prefer wild thyme." + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THE YOUNG COOK + + +It was about ten o'clock on an October night; everything was intensely +quiet in the big kitchen where Julia stood. It was not a cheerful +place even in the day time, the windows looked north, and were very +high up; the walls and floor were alike of grey stone, which gave it a +prison-like aspect, and also took much scrubbing, as she had reason to +know. It was far too large a place to be warmed by the small stove now +used; Julia sometimes wondered if the big one that stood empty in its +place would have been sufficient to warm it. She glanced at it now, +but without interest; she was very tired, it was almost bed-time, and +she had done, as she had every day since she first joined Herr Van de +Greutz's household, a very good day's work. She had scarcely been +outside the four walls since she first came there on the day after the +holiday on the Dunes. This had been her own choice, for, unlike all +the cooks who had been before her, she had asked for no evenings out. +Marthe, the short-tempered housekeeper, had not troubled herself to +wonder why, she had been only too pleased to accept the arrangement +without comment. Apart from the self-chosen confinement, the life had +been hard enough; the work was hard, the service hard and ill-paid, +and both the other inmates of the house cross-grained, and difficult +to please. These things, however, Julia did not mind; discomfort never +mattered much to her when she had an end in view; in this case, too, +the end should more than repay the worst of her two task-masters. +Which was agreeable, and almost made his unpleasantness desirable, as +providing her intended act with a justification. + +She drew the coffee pot further on to the stove, and with a splinter +of wood stirred the fire. She had the kitchen to herself, old Marthe +had gone to bed; she liked going to bed early, with a glass of +something hot, and she had soon found that the young cook could be +trusted to finish the work down-stairs. It was her opinion that it is +as well to be comfortable when you can, as blessings are fleeting and +fickle, especially when they are cooks; so she indulged often both in +bed and the glass, notably the glass. She had not been able to go to +bed quite as early as she liked that day, for her master had a +visitor, and there had been some trouble after the dinner. It was +intended to be an hour later than usual to accommodate the visitor, +but the chemist had not mentioned the fact--he seldom troubled about +such trifles, expecting his household to divine his wishes +instinctively, and resenting their failure to do so with indignation +and some abuse. He did so to-day, and Marthe was consequently kept up +later than she had intended, though it was Julia who came in for most +of the reproof, and the trouble too; it was she who took away the +dinner and kept it hot, and presented it afresh when the time came in +as good condition as she could manage. There had to be a second omelet +made; the first would not stand an hour, and so was wasted, to the +indignation of Marthe. The chicken was a trifle dried by waiting, +which called down the wrath of Herr Van de Greutz. Julia had listened +to both of them with a meekness which was beautiful to see, albeit +perhaps a little suspicious in one of her nature. + +She glanced up at the clock now, then rose and fetched two thick white +coffee cups, and set them ready on a tray, and sat down again. She +wondered drowsily how long Herr Van de Greutz's visitor would stay. He +was a German, a very great scientist; the chemist looked upon him as a +friend and an equal, a brother in arms; they talked together freely in +the cryptic language of science, and in German, which is the tongue +best fitted to help out the other. Julia heard them when she went to +and from with the dishes at dinner time. She did not understand +chemistry, a fact she much regretted; had she known even half as much +as Rawson-Clew, the desired end would have been much sooner within +reach. It is a very great disadvantage to have only a very vague idea +what it is you want. But she did understand German very well, +consequently part of the chemists' conversation was quite intelligible +to her, though they did not know it. Herr Van de Greutz knew and cared +nothing about her; he was not even aware that she was English, though, +of course, old Marthe was. + +If the conversation had touched on the famous explosive at dinner +time, Julia would have known it; she was always on the watch for some +such occurrence. Unfortunately it had not, although, as she saw +plainly, the German was the sort of man with whom Van de Greutz would +discuss such things. She had still another chance of hearing +something; she would soon have to take the coffee into the laboratory; +they might be speaking of it then. She remembered once before Van de +Greutz had spoken of it to a scientific guest at such a time; she had +then heard some unenlightening technical details, which might have +been of some value to a chemist, but were of no use at all to her +ignorance. It was hard to come thus near, and yet be as far off as +ever, but such things are likely to occur when one is in pursuit of +anything, Julia knew that; she was prepared to wait, by and by she +would find out what it was she wanted, and then-- + +A bell rang peremptorily; she hastily poured the strong black coffee +into the two cups, and put a bottle of Schiedam on the tray. As she +did so she noticed that it was nearly empty, so she fetched another +full one, and added that to the tray. The bell did not ring again, +although getting the second bottle had hindered her, for by this time +the chemists had forgotten they wanted coffee. When she entered the +laboratory, Herr Van de Greutz had just taken a bottle from the lower +part of a cupboard near the door. Second shelf from the floor, five +bottles from the left-hand corner. Julia observed the place with +self-trained accuracy as she passed Herr Van de Greutz with the tray, +which she carried to the table far down the room. + +"This is it," Van de Greutz said; "a small quantity only, you see, but +the authorities have a ridiculous objection to one's keeping any large +one of explosive. Of course, I have more, in a stone house in my +garden; it is perhaps safer so, seeing its nature, and the fact that +one is always liable to small accidents in a laboratory." + +Julia put down the tray, but upset some of the coffee. Seeing that +excitement had not usually the effect of making her hand unsteady, it +is possible accident had not much to do with it. However, it happened; +she carefully wiped it up, and the two chemists, paying no more +attention to her than if she had been a cat, went on speaking of the +explosive. It was _the_ explosive; their talk told her that before she +had finished the wiping. + +"The formula I would give for it?" Van de Greutz was saying; as she +sopped up the last drops, he gave the formula. + +She lifted the full bottle of Schiedam from the tray, and carried it +away with her--in the hand farthest from the chemist's, certainly, but +with as little concealment as ostentation. Near the door she glanced +at the German, or rather, at what he held, the sample of the +explosive. It was a white powder in a wide-necked, stoppered bottle of +the size Julia herself called "quarter pint." The bottle was not more +than two-thirds full, and had no mark on it at all, except a small +piece of paper stuck to the side, and inscribed with the single letter +"A." This may have been done in accordance with some private system of +Herr Van de Greutz's, or it may have been for the sake of secrecy. The +reason did not matter; the most accurate name would have been no more +informing to Julia, but decidedly more inconvenient. + +She went out and shut the door quietly; then she literally fled back +to the kitchen with the Schiedam. Scarcely waiting to set it down, she +seized a slip of kitchen paper, and scribbled on it the string of +letters and figures that Herr Van de Greutz had given as the formula +of his explosive. She did not know what a formula was, nor in what +relation it stood to the chemical body, but from the talks she had +heard between the chemist and his friends, she guessed it to be +something important. Accordingly, when he said the formula, she was as +careful to remember it accurately as she was to remember the place of +the bottle on the shelf. Now she wrote it down just as he spoke it, +and, though perhaps not exactly as he would have written it, still +comprehensible. She pinned the piece of paper in the cuff of her +dress; it would not be found there if, by ill luck, she was caught and +searched later on. Next she went to the kitchen cupboard; there were +several wide-necked stoppered bottles there, doubtless without the +chemist's knowledge, but Marthe found them convenient for holding +spices, and ginger, and such things. She took the one nearest in shape +and size to the one which she had seen in the German's hand; emptied +out the contents, dusted it and put in ground rice till it was +two-thirds full. Then, with the lap-scissors, she trimmed a piece of +paper to the right size, wrote "A" upon it, and stuck it to the side +of the bottle with a dab of treacle--she had nothing else. She was +hastily wiping off the surplus stickiness when the bell rang again. +She finished what she was doing, and shrouded the bottle in a duster, +so that there was another summons before she could set out. She took +the Schiedam with her--of course it was that which was rung for, but +also the bottle in the duster. + +She did not hurry. "I'll give him time to put the explosive back," she +thought. It was just possible that it would be set on a bench, perhaps +in an awkward place, but from her knowledge of Van de Greutz's ways +she guessed not. It was also, of course, possible that the cupboard +where it was kept would be locked; in that case, nothing could be done +just now--annoying, but not desperate; ground rice will keep, and, +apparently, explosives too, so she reflected as she opened the +laboratory door. But the cupboard was not locked, and the bottle was +back in its place. Another from the shelf above had been taken out; +the chemists were discussing that as they sat smoking cigars at the +table far down the room, where the coffee cups stood. + +"More Schiedam!" Herr Van de Greutz said, throwing the words at Julia +over his shoulder. "Why did you bring an empty bottle?" + +"I am sorry, Mijnheer," Julia answered; "there was not much, I know; I +have brought more." + +She pushed the door to with her foot as she spoke, and with the hand +not carrying the spirit set down the duster and the bottle it held on +a chair. The German had put his coat over the chair earlier; it stood +in front of the cupboard, a little way from it. With the true rogue's +eye for cover, Julia noted the value of its position, and even +improved it by moving it a little to the left as she knocked against +it in passing. + +She brought the Schiedam to the table. "Shall I take the cups, +Mijnheer?" she asked. + +"Yes," Van de Greutz answered shortly, resenting the interruption, +"and go to the devil. As I was saying, it is very unstable." + +This was to the German, and did not concern Julia; she took the tray +of cups and went. But near the door there was an iron tripod lying on +the floor; she caught her foot in it, stumbled and fell headlong, +dropping tray and cups with a great clatter. + +There was a general exclamation of annoyance and anger from Van de +Greutz, of surprise and commiseration from the German, and of +something that might have been fright or pain from Julia. + +"You clumsy fool!" Van de Greutz cried. "Get out of here, and don't +let me see your face, or hear your trampling ass-hoofs again! Do you +hear me, I won't have you in here again!" + +The German was more sympathetic. "Have you hurt yourself?" he asked. + +"No, Mijnheer, nothing," Julia answered; "only a little--my knees and +elbows." Had she been playing Othello, though she might not have +blacked herself all over, it is certain she would have carried the +black a long way below high water mark. This was no painless stage +stumble, but one with real bruises and a real thud. + +The German had half risen; perhaps he thought of coming to help pick +up the pieces of broken cups that were scattered between the cupboard +and the chair. But he did not do so, for Herr Van de Greutz went on to +speak of his unstable compound. + +"I treated it with--" he said, and, seeing this was something very +daring, the other's attention was caught. + +Julia picked up the pieces alone, and carried them out on the tray, +and on the tray also she carried a bottle wrapped into a duster. It +was a wide-necked stoppered bottle, two-thirds full of white powder; +very much like the one she had brought in, but also very much like the +one that stood five from the end on the second shelf of the cupboard. + +Soon after that she went up to her room, and took the bottle with her. +Then, when she had set it in a place of safety, and securely locked +the door, she broke into a silent laugh of delighted amusement. She +pictured to herself Herr Van de Greutz's face when, in company with +some other chemist, he found the ground rice, while his cook with the +"ass-hoofs" carried the explosive to her native land. + +"What a thief I should make," was her own opinion of herself. "I +believe I could do as well as Grimm's 'Master Thief,' who stole the +parson and clerk." She took up the bottle and shook a little of the +contents into her hand; she had not the least idea how it was set off, +whether a blow, a fall, or heat would reveal its dangerous +characteristics. For a little she looked at it with curiosity and +satisfaction. But gradually the satisfaction faded; the excitement of +the chase was over, and the prize, now it was won, did not seem a +great thing. She set the bottle down rather distastefully, and turned +away. + +"He could not have got the stuff," she told herself defiantly--"he" +was Rawson-Clew--but the next moment, with the justice she dealt +herself, she admitted, "Because he would not get it this way; he is +not rogue enough; while as for me--I am a born rogue." + +She pushed open the window and looked out, although it was quite dark, +and the air pervaded with a cold, rank smell of wet vegetation. She +was thinking of the other piece of roguery which she had meant to +commit, and yet had not. She had the bulb, in spite of that; it was +safe among her clothes--hers by a free gift, hers absolutely, yet as +unable to be sold as the lock of a dead mother's hair. The debt of +honour could not be paid by that. From her heart she wished she had +not got the daffodil; she put it in the same category with Mr. +Gillat's watch, as one of the things which made her ashamed of herself +and of her life, even of this last act, and the very skill that had +made it easy. + +She took up the bottle again, and for a moment considered whether she +should give it back to Herr Van de Greutz--not personally, that would +hardly be safe; but she could post it from England after she left his +service. But she did not do so; Rawson-Clew stood in the way; it was +for him she had taken it, and her purpose in him still stood. He +wanted the explosive, it would be to his credit and honour to have it; +the government service to which he belonged would think highly of him +if he had it--if he received it anonymously, so that he could not tell +from whence it came, and they could not divide the credit of getting +it between him and another. He wanted it, and he had been good to her. +He had been kind when she was in trouble; he had not believed her when +she had called herself dishonest; he had treated her as an equal, in +spite of the affair at Marbridge, and he had asked her to marry him +when he thought she was compromised by the holiday in the Dunes. For a +moment her mind strayed from the point at issue, to that offer of +marriage. She remembered the exact wording of the letter as if she had +but just received it, and it pleased her afresh. She did not regret +that she had refused him; nothing else had been possible. She did not +want to marry him; albeit, when they had sat together under his coat, +she had not shrunk from contact with him as she had shrunk from Joost +when he had tried to take her hand--that was certainly strange. But +she was quite sure she did not want to marry him; now she came to +think about it, she could imagine that, were she a girl of his own +class, with the looks, training and knowledge that belonged, she might +have found him precisely the man she would have wanted to marry. + +She went to a drawer and took out an old handkerchief. She was not a +girl of that sort--deep down she felt inarticulately the old primitive +consciousness of inferiority and superiority, at once jealous and +contemptuous; marrying him and living always on his plane were alike +impossible to her, but she could give him the explosive. There was not +one girl among all those others who could have got it and given it to +him! + +She tore a piece from the handkerchief, and fastened it over the +stopper of the bottle; then she got out a hat trimmed with bows of +wide ribbon, and sewed the bottle into the centre bow. It presented +rather a bulgy appearance, but by a little pulling of the other +trimming it was hardly noticeable, and really nothing is too peculiar +to be worn on the head. After that she went to bed. + + * * * * * + +There was trouble in Herr Van de Greutz's kitchen the next day; the +young cook, who had behaved so admirably before, did what old Marthe +called "showing the cloven hoof." She was impertinent, she was idle; +she broke dishes, she wasted eggs, and she lighted a roaring fire in +the big stove, in spite of the strict economy of fuel which was one of +the first rules of the household. Finally she announced that she must +have a day's holiday. Marthe refused point blank, whereupon the cook +said she should take it, and a dispute ensued; Marthe called her +several names, and reminded her of the fact that she had no character, +and that she had confessed to being obliged to leave the Van Heigens +in haste. Julia retorted that that fact was known to the housekeeper +when she engaged her, and was the reason of the starvation wage +offered. Marthe then inquired what enormity it was that she had +committed at the Van Heigens', and intimated that it must be +disgraceful indeed for a person, pretending to be a lady-help, to be +thankful to accept the situation of cook. Julia's answer was scarcely +polite, and very well calculated to rouse the old woman further, and, +at the same time, she opened the door and skilfully worked herself and +her antagonist into the passage, and some way up it, raising her voice +so as to incite the other to raise hers. The result was that soon the +noise reached Herr Van de Greutz. + +Out he came in a great rage, ordering them about their business, and +abusing them roundly. Marthe hurried back to the kitchen, effectually +silenced, but Julia remained; she had not got her dismissal yet, and +it was imperative she should get it, for there was no telling when the +ground rice would be discovered. But she soon got what she wanted; +after a very little more inciting, Herr Van de Greutz ordered her out +of his house a great deal more peremptorily than she had been ordered +out of the Van Heigens'. She was to go at once; she was to pack her +things and go, and Marthe was to see that she took nothing but what +was her own; she was the most untrustworthy and incompetent pig that +the devil ever sent to spoil good food, and steal silver spoons. + +To this Julia replied by asking for her wages. At first Van de Greutz +refused; but Julia, with some effrontery, considering the +circumstances, declined to go without them, so eventually he thought +better of it and paid her. After that she and Marthe went up-stairs, +and she packed and Marthe looked on, closely scrutinising everything. +When all was done, and she herself dressed, she walked out of the +house, with the formula fastened inside her cuff, and the explosive +balanced on her head. And the old man who did the rough work about the +place came with her, wheeling her luggage on a barrow as far as the +gate. Here he shot it out, and left her to wait till she might hail +some passing cart, and so get herself conveyed to the town. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE HEIRESS + + +There was a fog on the river and while the tide was low no craft +moved; but with its rising there came a stir of life, the mist that +crept low on the brown water became articulate with syren voices and +the thud of screws and the wash of water churned by belated boats. The +steamers called eerily, out of the distance a heart-broken cry like no +other thing on earth, suddenly near at hand a hoot terrific; but +nothing was to be seen except rarely when out of the yellow +impenetrableness a hull rose abruptly, a vague dark mass almost within +touching distance. Julia stood on deck and listened while the little +Dutch boat crept up; she found something fascinating in this strange, +shrouded river, haunted, like a stream of the nether world, with +lamentable bodiless voices. The fog had delayed them, of course; the +afternoon was now far advanced; they had been compelled to wait some +long time while the tide was down, and even now that it was coming up, +they could go but slowly. The last through train to Marbridge would +have left Paddington before the Tower Stairs were reached; but Julia +did not mind that; she would go to Mr. Gillat; she could get a room at +the house where he lodged for one night; she was glad at the thought +of seeing Johnny again. Johnny, who knew the worst and loved and +trusted still. + +Gradually the fog lifted, not clearing right away, but enough for the +last of the sunset to show smoky, rose in a wonderful tawny sky. All +the russet-brown water kindled, each ripple edge catching a gleam of +yellow, except to the eastward, where, by some trick of light, the +main stream looked like a pool of dull silver, all pale and cold and +holy. The wharves and factories on the banks revealed themselves, +heavy black outlines, pinnacled with chimneys like some far-off spired +city. All the craft that filled the river became clear too, those that +lay still waiting repairs or cargo or the flood of the incoming tide, +and those that moved--the black Norwegian timber boats, the dirty +tramp steamers from far-off seas, the smooth grey-hulled liners, the +long strings of loaded barges, that followed one another up the great +waterway like camels in a desert caravan. Julia stood on deck and +watched it all, and to her there seemed a certain sombre beauty and a +something that moved her, though she could not tell why, with a +curious baseless pride of race. And while she watched, the twilight +fell, and the colours turned to purple and grey, and the lights +twinkled out in the shipping and along the shore--hundreds and +hundreds of lights; and gradually, like the murmur of the sea in a +shell, the roar of the city grew on the ear, till at last the little +boat reached the Stairs, where the old grey fortress looks down on the +new grey bridge, and the restless river below. + +A waterman put Julia ashore, after courtesies from the Custom House +officers, and a porter took her and her belongings to Mark Lane +station, from whence it was not difficult to get approximately near +Berwick Street. + +Mr. Gillat was not expecting visitors; he had no reason to imagine any +one would come to see him; he did not imagine that the rings at the +front bell could concern him; even when he heard steps coming +up-stairs he only thought it was another lodger. It was not till +Julia opened the door of the back room he now occupied that he had the +least idea any one had come to see him. + +"Julia!" he exclaimed, when he saw her standing on the threshold. +"Dear, dear, dear me!" + +"Yes," Julia said, "it really is I. I'm back again, you see;" and she +came in and shut the door. + +"Bless my soul!" Johnny said; "bless my soul! You're home again!" + +"On my way home; I can't get to Marbridge to-night very comfortably, +and I wanted to see you, so here I am. I have arranged with your +landlady to let me have a room." + +Mr. Gillat appeared quite overcome with joy and surprise, and it +seemed to Julia, nervousness too. He led her to a chair; "Won't you +sit down?" he said, placing it so that it commanded a view of the +window and nothing else. + +Julia sat down; she did not need to look at the room; she had already +mastered most of its details. When she first came in she had seen that +it was small and poor--a back bedroom, nothing more; an iron bed, not +too tidy, stood in one corner, a washstand, with dirty water in the +basin, in another. There was a painted chest of drawers opposite the +window; one leg was missing, its place being supplied by a pile of old +school-books; the top was adorned with a piece of newspaper in lieu of +a cover, and one of the drawers stood partly open; no human efforts +could get it shut, so Mr. Gillat's wardrobe was exposed to the public +gaze--if the public happened to look that way. Julia did not; nor did +she look towards the fire-place, where a very large towel-horse with a +very small towel upon it acted as a stove ornament--plain proof that +fires were unknown there. She looked across Mr. Gillat's cheap lamp +to the window and the vista of chimney pots, which were very well in +view, for the blind refused to come down and only draped the upper +half of the window in a drooping fashion. + +Johnny stood against the chest of drawers, striving vainly to push the +refractory drawer shut, although he knew by experience it was quite +impossible. She could see him without turning her head; he was +shabbier than ever; even his tie--his one extravagance used to be gay +ties--was shabby, and his shoes would hardly keep on his feet. His +round pink face was still round and pink; he did not look exactly +older, though his grizzled little moustache was greyer, only somehow +more puzzled and hurt by the ways of fate. Julia knew that that was +the way he would age; experience would never teach him anything, +although, as she suddenly realised, it had been trying lately. + +She turned away from the window; "I have left my luggage at the +station," she said; "I got out what I wanted in the waiting-room and +brought it along in a parcel. I think I'll take it to my room now, if +you don't mind, and wash my face and get rid of my hat--it is very +heavy. I shan't be long." + +She rose as she spoke, and Johnny bustled to open the door for her, +too much a gentleman, in spite of all, to show he was glad to have her +go and give him a chance to clear up. At the door she paused. + +"You need not order supper, Johnny," she said; "I've seen about that." + +Johnny stopped, his face a shade pinker. "Oh, but," he protested, "you +shouldn't do that; you mustn't do that. I'll tell Mrs. Horn we won't +have it; I'll make it all right with her; I was just going out to get +a--a pork pie for myself." + +It is to be feared this statement was no more veracious than Julia's, +and certainly it was not nearly so well made; it would not have +deceived a far less astute person than she, while hers would have +deceived a far more astute person than he. + +"A pork pie?" Julia said. "You have no business to eat such things in +the evening at your time of life. I tell you I have settled supper; we +had much better have what I have got. I could not bring you a present +home from Holland; I left in a hurry, so I have bought supper instead. +It is my present to you--and myself--I have selected just what I +thought I could eat best; one has fancies, you know, after one has +been seasick." + +It would require an ingeniously bad sailor to be seasick while a Dutch +cargo boat crept up the Thames in a fog, but Julia never spared the +trimmings when she did do any lying. Johnny was quite satisfied and +let her go to take off her hat--and the precious explosive which she +still carried in it. + +While she was gone he tidied the room to the best of his ability. He +regretted that he had nowhere better to ask her; if he had the +sitting-room he occupied when Rawson-Clew came in September, he would +have felt quite grand. But that was a thing of the past, so he made +the best of circumstances and went to the reckless extravagance of +sixpenny worth of fire. When Julia came in, the towel-horse had been +removed from the fender, and a fire was sputtering awkwardly in the +grate, while Mr. Gillat, proud as a school-boy who has planned a +surprise treat, was trying to coax the smoke up the damp chimney. + +"Johnny!" Julia exclaimed, "what extravagance! It's quite a warm +night, too!" + +Johnny smiled delightedly. "I thought you'd be cold after your +journey; you look quite pale and pinched," he said; "seasickness does +leave one feeling chilly." + +Julia repented of that unnecessary trimming of hers. "It is nice to +have a fire," she said, striving not to cough at the choking smoke; "I +don't need it a bit, but I don't know anything I should have enjoyed +more; why, I haven't seen a real fire since I left England!" + +She broke off to take the tongs from Mr. Gillat, who, in his efforts +to improve the draught, had managed to shut the register. She opened +it again, and in a little had the fire burning nicely. Johnny looked +on and admired, and at her suggestion opened the window to let out the +smoke. After that she managed to persuade the blind down, and, what is +more, mended it so that it would go up again; then Mr. Gillat cleared +the dressing-table and pulled it out into the middle of the room, and +by that time supper was ready--fried steak and onions and bottled +beer, with jam puffs and strong black coffee to follow--not exactly +the things for one lately suffering from seasickness, but Julia tried +them all except the bottled beer and seemed none the worse for it. And +as for Johnny, if you had searched London over you could have found +nothing more to his taste. He was a little troubled at the thought of +what Julia must have spent, but she assured him she had her wages, so +he was content. Seldom was one happier than Mr. Gillat at that supper, +or afterwards, when the table was cleared and they drew up to the +fire. They sat one each side of the fender on cane-seated chairs, the +coffee on the hob, and Johnny smoking a Dutch cigar of Julia's +providing. One can buy them at the railway stations in Holland, and +she had scarcely more pleasure in giving them to Johnny than she had +in smuggling home more than the permitted quantity. + +"Now tell me about things," Julia said. + +Johnny's face fell a little. During supper they had talked about her +affairs and experiences, none of the unpleasant ones; she was +determined not to have the supper spoiled by anything. Now, however, +she felt that the time had come to hear the other side of things. + +"I suppose father has been to town?" she remarked; she knew only too +well that nothing else could account for Mr. Gillat's reduced +circumstances. "When did he go?" + +"He has not been gone much more than a week," Johnny said; "think of +that now! If he'd stayed only a fortnight more he'd have been here +to-night; it is a pity!" + +"I don't think it is at all," Julia said frankly; "the pity is he ever +came." + +Johnny rubbed his hand along his chair. "Well, well," he said, "your +mother wished it; she knows what she is about; she is a wonderful +woman, a wonderful woman. I did what you told me, I really did." + +Julia was sure of that, but she was also sure now that he had not been +a match for her mother. + +"I went down to Marbridge a week before your father was supposed to be +coming to town; I warned him very likely I should have to go away, +just as you said--and the very day I went to Marbridge he came to +town, the very day--a week earlier than was talked of." + +Julia could not repress an inclination to smile, not only at the neat +way in which her mother had checkmated her, but also at the thought of +that lady's face when Mr. Gillat presented himself at Marbridge, just +as she was congratulating herself on being rid of the Captain. + +"What happened?" she asked. "Did mother send you back to town again?" + +"She did not send me," Mr. Gillat answered; "but, of course, I had to +go, as she said; there was your father all alone here; it would be +very dull for him; I couldn't leave him. Besides, he is not--not a +strong man, it would be better--she would feel more easy if she +thought he had his old friend with him, to see he didn't get into--you +know." + +"I know," Julia answered; "mother told you all this, then she paid +your fare back again." + +"Not paid my fare," Mr. Gillat corrected; "a lady could not offer to +do such a thing; do you think I would ever have allowed it? I couldn't +you know." + +Julia's lips set straight; she had something of a man's contempt for +small meannesses, and it is possible her judgment on this economy of +her mother's was harder than any she had for the unjustifiable +extravagances at which she guessed. She did not say anything of it to +Mr. Gillat, she was too ashamed; not that he saw it in that light; he +didn't think he had been in any way badly used, he never did. + +"Well," she said, "then you came back to town and looked after father +to the best of your abilities? I suppose you could not do much good?" + +Johnny rubbed his hand along his chair again for a little. "You see," +he said hesitatingly, "it was very dull for him; of course he wanted +amusement." + +"And of course he had it, though he could not afford it, and you +paid?" + +"Not to any great extent; oh, dear no, not to any great extent." + +"No, because you had not got 'any great extent' to spend; what you +had, limited the amount, I suppose, nothing else." + +Mr. Gillat ignored this. "Your father," he said, rather uneasily, +looking at her and then away again, "your father never had a very +strong head, he--you know--he--" + +"Has taken to drink?" Julia asked baldly. "As well as gambling he +drinks now?" + +"Oh, no," Johnny said quickly, "not exactly, that is--he does take +more than he used, more than is good for him sometimes; not much is +good for him, you know--he does take more, it is no good pretending he +does not. But it was very dull for him; it did not suit him being +here, I think; he used to get so low in spirits, what with his losses +and feeling he was not wanted at home. He thinks a great deal of your +mother, and he could not but feel that she does not think much of him +to send him away like that; it hurt him, although, as he said to me +more than once, no doubt he deserved it. It preyed on his mind; he +seemed to want something to cheer him." + +Julia nodded; she could understand the effect well enough, though the +causes at work might not be quite clear. To her young judgment it +seemed a little strange that her father should have never realised +what a cumberer of the ground he was to his wife until she banished +him "for his health." But so it evidently was, and after all she could +believe it; like some others he had "made such a sinner of his +conscience," that he could believe, not only his own lie, but the +legends woven about him. They had all pretended things, he and they +also; his position, too, had come gradually, he had got to accept it +without thinking before it was an established fact. But now the truth +had been brought home to him--more or less--and he was miserable, and, +according to the custom of his sort, set to making bad worse as soon +as ever he discovered it. + +"Why did he go home last week?" she aroused herself to ask. + +"He thought it his duty," was Johnny's surprising answer. "No, Mrs. +Polkington did not send for him, she did not know he was coming; he +decided for himself, he felt it would be better." + +Mr. Gillat rambled on vaguely, but Julia was not slow to guess that +the principal reason was to be found in the state of Johnny's +finances. She questioned him as to when he had moved into the back +room, and, finding it to be not long before her father's departure, +guessed that discomfort, like the husks of the prodigal son, had +awakened the thing dignified by the name of duty. + +For a little she sat in silence, thinking matters over. Johnny smoked +hard at the stump of his cigar, mended the fire and fidgeted, looking +sideways at her. + +"Don't worry about it," he ventured at last; "things'll look up, they +will; when he's back at Marbridge with your mother he'll be all right. +She always had a great influence over him, she had, indeed." + +Julia said "Yes." But he did not feel there was much enthusiasm in the +monosyllable, so he cast about in his mind for something to cheer her +and thus remembered a very important matter. + +"What an old fool I am!" he exclaimed. "There's something I ought to +have told you the moment you came in, and I've clean forgotten it +until now; it's good news, too! There is a lawyer wants to see you." + +"What about?" Julia asked; she did not seem to naturally associate a +lawyer with good news. + +"A legacy," Johnny answered triumphantly. + +Julia was much astonished; she could not imagine from whence it came, +but before she asked she made the business-like inquiry, "How much?" + +"Not a great deal, I'm afraid," Mr. Gillat was obliged to say; "still, +a little's a help, you know; it may be a great help; you remember your +father's Aunt Jane?" + +Julia did, or rather she remembered the name. Great-aunt Jane was one +of the relations the Polkingtons did not use; she was not rich enough +or obliging enough to give any help, nor grand enough for +conversational purposes. She never figured in Mrs. Polkington's talk +except vaguely as "one of my husband's people in Norfolk;" this when +she was explaining that the Captain came of East Anglian stock on his +mother's side. Jane was only a step-aunt to the Captain; his mother +had married above her family, her half-sister Jane had married a +little beneath--a small farmer, in fact, whose farming had got smaller +still before he died, which was long ago. Great-aunt Jane could not +have much to leave any one, but, as Mr. Gillat said, anything was +better than nothing; the real surprise was why it should have been +left to Julia. + +She asked Johnny about it, but he could not tell her much; he really +knew very little except that there was something, and that the lawyer +wanted her address and was annoyed when her relations could not give +it. Indeed, even went so far as to think they would not, and that it +would be his duty to take steps unless she was forthcoming soon. + +"I had better go to his office to-morrow," Julia said; "I suppose you +know where it is?" + +Mr. Gillat did, and they arranged how they would go to-morrow, Johnny, +who was to wait outside, solely for the pleasure and excitement of the +expedition. After that they talked about the legacy and its probable +amount for some time. + +"I suppose no other benefactor came inquiring for me while I was +away?" Julia said, after she had, to please Johnny and not her +practical self, built several air castles with the legacy. + +"No," Mr. Gillat said regretfully, "I'm afraid not; no one else asked +for you. At least, some one did; a Mr. Rawson-Clew came here for your +address." + +"Did he though?" Julia asked; "Did he, indeed? What did he want it +for?" + +"Well, I don't know," Johnny was obliged to say; "I don't know that he +gave any reason exactly; he said he had met you in Holland. I thought +he was a friend of yours, he seemed to know a good deal about you." + +"He was a friend," Julia said; "that was quite right. And so he came +for my address. When was this?" + +Johnny gave the approximate date, and Julia asked: "Why did he come to +you?" + +Mr. Gillat did not quite know unless it was because he had failed +elsewhere. "But he really came to see your father," he said. + +"Did he see him?" Julia inquired. + +"No, he was out. To tell the truth, I don't believe your father ever +knew he came," Johnny confessed; "I meant to tell him, of course, but +he was late home that day, and when he came he was--was--well, you +know, he couldn't--it didn't seem--" + +"Yes," said Julia, coming to the rescue, "he was drunk and could not +understand, and afterwards you forgot it; it does not matter; indeed, +it is better so; I am glad of it." + +Mr. Gillat was fumbling in his shabby letter-case; he took out a card; +it bore Rawson-Clew's name and address of a London club. + +"He gave me this," he said, "and told me to let him know if I heard +from you, if you were in any trouble, or anything--if I thought you +were." + +Julia held out her hand. "You had better give it to me," she said; +"I'll let him know all that is necessary. Thank you;" and she put the +card away. + +Soon after she went to her room, for it was growing late. But she did +not hurry over undressing; indeed, when she sat down to take off her +stockings, she paused with one in her hand, thinking of Rawson-Clew. +So he had tried to find out where she was; he did not then accept her +answer as final; he was bent on seeing that she came to no harm +through him--honourable, certainly, and like him. He had come to +Berwick Street and nearly seen her father--drunk; quite seen Mr. +Gillat, in the first floor sitting-room certainly, but no doubt shabby +and not very wise as usual. She was not ashamed; though for a moment +she had been glad he had missed her father; now she told herself it +did not matter either way. He knew what she was and what her people +were; what did it matter if he realised it a little more? They were +not of his sort, it was no good pretending for a moment that they +were. His sort! She laughed silently at the thought. The girls of his +sort eating steak and onions in a back bedroom with Johnny Gillat! +Caring for Johnny as she cared, liking to sit with him in the pokey +little room while he smoked Dutch cigars; not doing it out of kindness +of heart and charity, but finding personal pleasure in it and a sense +of home-coming! If Rawson-Clew had come that evening while they were +at supper, or while she cured the smoky fire or mended the blind, or +while they sipped black coffee out of earthenware breakfast-cups and +talked of her father's delinquencies! It would not have mattered; he +knew she was of the stoke-hole--she had told him so--and not like the +accomplished girls whom he usually met--who could not have got him the +explosive! + +She dropped her stocking to take the wide-necked bottle in her hands, +deciding now how best to send it. It must go by post, in a good-sized +wooden box, tightly packed, with a great deal of damp straw and wool; +it ought to be safe that way. She would send it to the club address, +it was fortunate she had it; but not yet, not until her own plans were +clearer. It was just possible he might suspect her; it was hardly +likely, but it was always as well to provide against remote +contingencies, for if he tried and succeeded in verifying the +suspicion everything would be spoiled. He had made sensible efforts to +find her before, he might make equally sensible and more successful +ones again, unless she left a way of escape clear for herself. +Accordingly, so she determined, the explosive should not go yet, +thought it had better be packed ready. She would get a box and packing +to-morrow; to-night she could only copy the formula. She did this, +printing it carefully on a strip of paper which she put on the bottle +and coated with wax from her candle. She knew Herr Van de Greutz waxed +labels sometimes to preserve them from the damp, so she felt sure the +formula would be safe however wet she might make the packing. + +The next day she went to the lawyer's office and heard all about the +legacy and what she must do to prove her own identity and claim it. +Mr. Gillat waited outside, pacing up and down the street, striving so +hard to look casual that he aroused the suspicions of a not too acute +policeman. The official was reassured, however, when Julia came out of +the office and carried Johnny away to hear about the legacy. + +"It is more than I thought," she said, before they were half down the +street. "Fifty pounds a year, a small house--not much more than a +cottage--and a garden and field; that's about what it comes to. The +house is not worth much; it is in an unget-at-able part of Norfolk, in +the sandy district towards the sea--the man spoke as if I knew where +that was, but I don't--and the garden and field are not fertile. I +don't suppose one could let the place, but one could live in it, if +one wanted to." + +"Yes, yes," Johnny said, "of course; you will have your own estate to +retire to; quite an heiress--your mother will be pleased." + +Julia could well imagine what skilful use her mother could make of the +legacy; it would figure beautifully in conversation; no doubt Johnny +was really thinking of this also, though he did not know it, for +actually the thing would not commend itself to Mrs. Polkington so +highly as a lump sum of money would have done. + +"Why do you think Great-aunt Jane let it to me?" Julia asked. "Because +I went out to work! It seems that father and we three girls are the +nearest relations she had, and though we knew nothing about her, she +made inquiries about us from time to time. When she heard I had gone +abroad as companion or lady-help, she said she should leave all she +had to me because I was the only one who even tried to do any honest +work. You know that is not really strictly fair, because I did not +altogether go with the idea of doing honest work; although, certainly, +when I got there I did it." + +Johnny did not quite follow this last, but it did not matter, the only +thing that concerned him--or Julia much, either--was the fact that she +was the possessor of £50 a year, a cottage, a garden, and a field. +Johnny revelled in the idea and talked of what she was going to do +right up to the time that he saw her into the train at Paddington. The +only thing that put an end to his talking was the guard requesting him +to stand away from the carriage door and Julia admonished him to leave +go of the handle before the engine started. Julia herself did not talk +so much of what she would do because she did not know; she felt, until +she got home and saw how things were there, it was no good even to +plan how and when to spend. Five pounds she did spend; it was really +her saving accumulated by economy in Holland, but she reckoned it as +drawn from her estate. Johnny found it in an envelope when he returned +to the back bedroom, and with it a note to say that it was in part +payment of Captain Polkington's debts, for which, of course, his +family were responsible; "and if you make a fuss about it," the letter +concluded, dropping the business-like style, "I shall trim 'Bouquet' +to stink next time you come to Marbridge, and not come and sit with +you." + +I think Johnny sat down and wept over that letter; but then he was +rather a silly old man and he had not had a good meal, except last +night's steak and onions, for a fortnight. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN + + +The great Polkington campaign was over and it had failed. Mrs. +Polkington and Chèrie cheered each other with assurances of a contrary +nature as long as they could, but for all that it had really failed +and they knew it. There had been some small successes by the way; they +had received a little recognition in superior places, and a few, a +very few, invitations of a superior order at the cost, of course, of +refusing and so offending some old friends and acquaintances. It might +perhaps have been possible to achieve the position at which Mrs. +Polkington aimed in the course of time, or a very long time; society +in the country moves slowly, and she could not afford to wait +indefinitely; her financial ability was not equal to it. Moreover, +there came into her affairs, not exactly a crash, but something so +unpleasantly like a full stop that she and Chèrie could not fail to +perceive it. This occurred on the day when they heard of Mr. Harding's +engagement. Mr. Harding was the eligible bachelor addition to county +society whose advent had materially assisted in giving definite form +to Mrs. Polkington's ambition. He had helped to feed it, too, during +the late summer and early autumn, for he had been friendly, though +Chèrie was forced to admit that his attentions to her had not been +very marked. But now the news was abroad that he was engaged to a girl +in his own circle; one whose mother had not yet extended any greater +recognition to Mrs. Polkington than an invitation to a Primrose League +Fête. + +This news was abroad in the middle of October, and there was a certain +amount of unholy satisfaction in Marbridge. Some of the old friends +and acquaintances who Mrs. Polkington had offended, recognised the +Christian duty of forgiveness, and called upon her--to see how she +bore up. The Grayson girls, whose dance Chèrie had refused at the +beginning of the month, came to see her. But they put off their call a +day to suit some theatrical rehearsal; by which means they lost the +entertainment they promised themselves, for by the time they did come +Chèrie was ready for them and, with appropriate shyness, let it be +known that she herself was engaged to Mr. Brendon Smith. + +At this piece of information the girls looked at one another, and +neither of them could think of anything smart to say. Afterwards they +told each other and their friends that it was "quick work," and "like +those Polkingtons." But at the time they could only offer suitable +congratulations to Chèrie, who received them and carried off the +situation with a charming mingling of assurance and graciousness, +which was worthy of her mother. + +But the Graysons were right in saying it was quick work; late one +afternoon Chèrie heard of Mr. Harding's engagement; during the evening +she and her mother recognised their failure; in the night she saw that +Mr. Brendon Smith was her one chance of dignified withdrawal, and +before the next evening she had promised to marry him. + +There were some people in Marbridge who pitied Mr. Smith (only the +Polkingtons put in the Brendon), but he did not need much pity, for +the good reason that he knew very well what he was doing and how it +was that his proposals came to be accepted. He was fond of Chèrie, and +appreciated both her beauty and her several valuable qualities; but he +had no illusions about her or her family, and he knew, when he made +it, that his proposal would be accepted to cover a retreat. He was not +at all a humble and diffident individual, but he did not mind being +taken on these terms; he even saw some advantage in it in dealing with +the Polkingtons. If there was any mistake in the matter it was Chèrie +when she said "Yes" to his suggestion, "Don't you think you'd better +marry me?" She probably did not know how completely she was getting +herself a master. + +It was not a grand engagement; Mrs. Polkington could not pretend that +her son-in-law elect had aristocratic or influential connections; she +said so frankly--and her frankness, which was overstrained, was one of +her most engaging characteristics. + +"It is no use pretending that I should not have been more pleased if +he had been better connected," she said to those old friends and +acquaintances whose Christianity led them to call. "I share your +opinion, dear Mrs. ----" (the name varied according to circumstances) +"about the value of birth; but one can't have everything; he is a most +able man, and really charming. It is such a good thing that he is so +much older than Chèrie; I always felt she needed an older man to guide +and care for her--he is positively devoted to her; you know, the +devotion of a man of that age is such a different thing from a boy's +affection." + +After that the visitor could not reasonably do anything but inquire if +Mr. Smith was going to throw up the South African post which all the +town knew he was about to take before his engagement. + +To this Mr. Polkington was obliged to answer, "No, he is going, and +going almost directly; that is my one hardship; I have got to lose +Chèrie at once, for he positively will not go without her. Of course, +it would be a thousand pities for him to throw it up, such an opening; +so very much better than he would ever have here, but it is hard to +lose my child--she seems a child to me still--almost before I have +realised that she is grown up. Their passages are taken already; they +will be married by license almost directly; there even won't be time +to get a trousseau, only the merest necessaries before the luggage has +to go." + +It must not be thought that the news of Mr. Harding's engagement was +the one and only thing which convinced Mrs. Polkington and Chèrie that +the great campaign had failed; it was the finishing touch, no doubt, +in that it had made Chèrie feel the necessity of being immediately +engaged to some one, but there were other things at work. Captain +Polkington had returned from London just five days before they heard +the news, and three were quite sufficient to show his wife and +daughter that he was considerably the worse for his stay in town. +Bills too, had been coming in of late; not inoffensive, negligible +bills such as they were very well used to, but threatening insistent +bills, one even accompanied by a lawyer's letter. Then, to crown all, +Captain Polkington had a fit of virtue and repentance on the second +day after his return. It was not of long duration, and was, no doubt, +partly physical, and not unconnected with the effects of his decline +from the paths of temperance. But while it lasted, he read some of the +bills and talked about the way ruin stared him in the face and the +need there was for retrenchment, turning over a new leaf, facing facts +and kindred things. Also, which was more important, he wrote to his +wife's banker brother--he who had been instrumental in getting the +papers sent in years ago. To this influential person he said a good +deal about the state of the family finances, the need there was for +clearing matters up and starting on a better basis, and his own +determination to face things fairly and set to work in earnest. What +kind of work was not mentioned; apparently that had nothing to do with +the Captain's resolution; there was one thing, however, that was +mentioned definitely--the need for the banker brother's advice--and +pecuniary assistance. The answer to this letter was received on the +same day as the news of Mr. Harding's engagement. It came in the +evening, later than the news, and it was addressed to Mrs. Polkington, +not the Captain; it assisted her in recognising that the end of the +campaign had arrived. It said several unpleasant things, and it said +them plainly; not the most pleasant to the reader was the announcement +that the writer would himself come to Marbridge to look into matters +one day that week or the next. Under these circumstances it is not +perhaps so surprising that Chèrie found it advisable to accept Mr. +Brendon Smith's offer of marriage, and Mrs. Polkington found the +impossibility of getting a trousseau in time no very great +disadvantage. + +When Julia came home it wanted but a short time to Chèrie's wedding. A +great deal seemed to have happened since she went away, not only to +her family, but, and that was less obviously correct, to herself. She +stood in the drawing-room on the morning after her return and looked +round her and felt that somehow she had travelled a long way from her +old point of view. The room was very untidy; it had not been used, and +so, in accordance with the Polkington custom, not been set tidy for +two days; dust lay thick on everything; there were dead leaves in the +vases, cigarette ash on the table, no coals on the half-laid fire. In +the merciless morning light Julia saw all the deficiencies; the way +things were set best side foremost, though, to her, the worst side +contrived still to show; the display there was everywhere, the +trumpery silver ornaments, all tarnished for want of rubbing, and of +no more intrinsic value and beauty than the tinfoil off champagne +bottles; the cracked pieces of china--rummage sale relics, she called +them--set forth in a glass-doored cabinet, as if they were heirlooms. +Mrs. Polkington had a romance about several of them that made them +seem like heirlooms to her friends and almost to herself. The whole, +as Julia looked around, struck her as shoddy and vulgar in its +unreality. + +"I'm not coming back to it, no, I'm not," she said, half aloud; "the +corduroy and onions would be a great deal better." + +Chèrie passed the open door at that minute and half heard her. "What +did you say?" she asked. + +Julia looked round. "Nothing," she answered, "only that I am not +coming back to this sort of life." + +"To Marbridge?" Chèrie asked, "or to the house? If it is the house you +mean, you need not trouble about that; there isn't much chance of your +being able to go on living here; you will have to move into something +less expensive. I am sure Uncle William will insist on it. There is +more room than you will want here after I am gone, and as for +appearance and society, there won't be much object in keeping that +up." + +Julia laughed. "You don't think I am a sufficiently marketable +commodity to be worth much outlay?" she said. "You are quite right; +besides, it is just that which I mean; I have come to the conclusion +that I don't admire the way we live here." + +"So have I," Chèrie answered; "no one in their senses would; but it +was the best we could do in the circumstances and before you grumble +at it you had better be sure you don't get something worse." + +Julia did not think she should do that, and Chèrie seeing it went on, +"Oh, of course you have got £50 a year, I know, but you can't live on +that; besides, I expect Uncle William will want you to do something +else with it." + +"I shall do what I please," Julia replied, and Chèrie never doubted +it; she would have done no less herself had she been the fortunate +legatee, Uncle William or twenty Uncle Williams notwithstanding. + +This important relative had not been to Marbridge yet, in spite of +what he wrote to his sister; he had not been able to get away. Indeed, +he was not able to do so until the day after Chèrie's wedding. Mrs. +Polkington was in a happy and contented frame of mind; the quiet +wedding had gone off quite as well as Violet's grander one--really, a +quiet wedding is more effective than a smart one in the dull time of +year, and always, of course, less expensive. Chèrie had looked lovely +in simple dress, and the presents, considering the quietness and +haste, were surprisingly numerous and handsome. Mr. Smith was liked +and respected by a wide circle. Mrs. Polkington felt satisfied and +also very pleased to have Violet, her favourite daughter, with her +again. She and Violet were talking over the events of the day with +mutual congratulation, when Mr. William Ponsonby was announced. + +Fortunately, Violet's husband, Mr. Frazer, had gone to see his old +friend the vicar, and more fortunately still, he was persuaded to stay +and dine with him. It would have been rather awkward to have had him +present at the display of family washing which took place that +evening. Mr. Ponsonby did not mince matters; he said, perhaps not +altogether without justice, that he had had about enough of the +Polkingtons. He also said he wanted the truth, and seeing that his +sister had long ago found that about her own concerns so very +unattractive that she never dealt with it naked; it did not show +beautiful now. In the course of time, however, he got it, or near +enough for working purposes. Out came all the bills, and out came the +threatening letter and old account books and remembered debts both of +times past and present; and when he had got them all, he added them +up, showed Mrs. Polkington the total, and asked her what she was going +to do. + +She said she did not know; privately she felt there was no need for +her to consider the question; was it not the one her self-invited +brother had come to answer? He did answer it, almost as soon as he +asked it. + +"You will have to leave this house," he said, "sell what you can of +its contents and pay all that is possible of your debts. You won't be +able to pay many with that; the rest I shall have to arrange about, I +suppose. Oh, not pay; don't think that for a moment; I've paid a deal +more than I ought for you long ago. I mean to see the people and +arrange that you pay by degrees; you will have to devote most of your +income to that for a time. What will you live on in the meanwhile? +This legacy--it is you who have got it, isn't it?" he said, turning to +Julia; "I thought so. Fortunately the money is not in any way tied up, +you can get at the principal. Well, the best thing to be done is to +buy a good boarding-house. You could make a boarding-house pay, +Caroline," he went on to his sister, "if you tried; your social gifts +would be some use there--you will have to try." + +Mrs. Polkington looked a little dismayed, and Violet said, "It would +be rather degrading, wouldn't it?" + +"Not so degrading as being sued at the county court," her uncle +returned. + +Mrs. Polkington felt there was truth in that, and, accustoming herself +to a new idea with her usual rapidity, she even began to see that the +alternative offered need not be so very unpleasant. Indeed, when she +came to think about it, it might be almost pleasant if the +boarding-house were very select; there would be society of a kind, +perhaps of a superior kind, even; she need not lose prestige and she +could still shine, and without such tremendous effort. + +But her reflections were interrupted by the Captain. + +"And what part have I in this scheme?" he asked. + +His brother-in-law, to whom the question was addressed, considered a +moment. "Well, I really don't know," he said at last; "of course you +would live in the house." + +"A burden on my wife and daughter! Idle, useless, not wanted!" + +The banker had no desire to hurt Captain Polkington's feelings, but he +saw no reason why he should not hear the truth--that he had long been +all these things; idle, useless, unwanted, a burden not only to his +wife and daughters, but also to all relations and connections who +allowed themselves to be burdened. But the Captain's feelings were +hurt; he was surprised and injured, though convinced of little besides +the hardness of fate and the fact that his brother-in-law +misunderstood him. He turned to his wife for support, and she +supported, corroborating both what he said and what her brother did +too, though they were diametrically opposed. It looked rather as if +the discussion were going to wander off into side issues, but Julia +brought it back by inquiring of her uncle-- + +"What part have I in this scheme?" + +"You will help your mother," he answered, "and of course the concern +will be nominally yours; that is to say, you will put your money in +it, invest it in that instead of railways or whatever it is now in. I +shall see that the thing is properly secured." + +He glanced at Captain Polkington as he spoke, as if he thought he +might have designs upon the money or investment. Julia only said, "I +see," but in so soft a voice that she roused Mr. Ponsonby's +suspicions. He had dealt a good deal with men and women, and he did +not altogether like the amused observing eyes of the legatee, and he +distrusted her soft voice of seeming acquiescence. + +"It is of no use for you to get any nonsensical ideas," he said, +"about what you will do and won't do; this is the only thing you can +do; you have got to make a living, and you have got to pay your debts; +beggars can't be choosers. The fact is, you have all lived on charity +so long that you have got demoralised." + +Violet flushed. "Really," she began to say, "though you have helped us +once or twice, I don't think you have the right to insult--" but Mrs. +Polkington raised a quieting hand; she did not wish to offend her +brother. + +He was not offended; he only spoke his mind rather plainly to them +all, which, though it did no harm, did little good either; they were +too old in their sins to profit by that now. After some more +unpleasant talk all round, the family conclave broke up; Mr. Frazer +came home, and every one went to bed. + +Mr. Ponsonby had Julia's tiny room; there was nowhere else for him, +seeing Violet and her husband had the one she and her youngest sister +shared in their maiden days. Julia had to content herself with the +drawing-room sofa; it was a very uncomfortable sofa, and the blankets +kept slipping off so she did not sleep a great deal; but that did not +matter much; she had the more time to think things over. Dawn found +her sitting at the table wrapped in her blanket, writing by the light +of one of the piano candles; she glanced up as the first cold light +struggled in, and her face was very grave, it looked old, too, and +tired, with the weariness which accompanies renunciation, quite as +often as does peace or a sense of beatitude. She looked at the paper +before her, a completely worked-out table of expenditure, a sort of +statement of ways and means--the means being £50 a year. It could be +done; she knew that during the night when the plan took shape in her +mind; she had proved it to herself more than half-an-hour ago by +figures--but there was no margin. It could only be done by renouncing +that upon which she had set her heart; she could not work out the +scheme and pay the debt of honour to Rawson-Clew. The legacy had at +first seemed a heaven-sent gift for that purpose, but now, like the +blue daffodil, it seemed that it could not be used to pay the debt. +That was not to be paid by a heaven-sent gift any more than by a +devil-helped theft; slow, honest work and patient saving might pay it +in years, but nothing else it seemed. She put her elbows on the table +and propped her chin on her locked hands looking down at the +unanswerable figures, but they still told her the same hard truth. + +"I might save it in time; I could do without this--and this," she told +herself. It is so easy to do without oneself when one's mind is set on +some purpose, but one has no right to expect others to do without, +too--the whole thing would be no good if the others had to; she knew +that. No, the debt could not be paid this way; she had no right to do +it; it was her own fancy, her hobby, perhaps. No one demanded that it +should be paid; law did not compel it; Rawson-Clew did not expect it; +her father considered that it no longer existed; it was to please +herself and herself alone that she would pay it, and her pleasure must +wait. + +Possibly she did not reason quite all this; she only knew that she +could not do what she had set her heart on doing with the first of +Aunt Jane's money, and the renunciation cost her much, and gave her no +satisfaction at all. But the matter once decided, she put it at the +back of her mind, and by breakfast time she was her usual self; to +tell the truth, she was looking forward to a skirmish with Uncle +William, and that cheered her. + +After breakfast she led Mr. Ponsonby to the drawing-room, and he came +not altogether unprepared for objections; he had half feared them last +night. + +"Uncle William," she said. "I have been thinking over your plan, and I +don't think I quite like it." + +"I dare say not," her uncle answered; "I can believe it; but that's +neither here nor there, as I said last night, beggars can't be +choosers." + +Julia did not, as Violet had, resent this; she was the one member of +the family who was not a beggar, and she knew perfectly well she could +be a chooser. She sat down. "Perhaps I had better say just what I +mean," she said pleasantly; "I am not going to do it." + +"Not going to?" Mr. Ponsonby repeated indignantly. "Don't talk +nonsense; you have got to, there's nothing else open to you; I'm not +going to keep you all, feed, clothe and house you, and pay your debts +into the bargain!" + +"No," said Julia; "no, naturally not; I did not think of that." + +"What did you think of, then?" her uncle demanded; he remembered that +she had the nominal disposal of her own money, and though her +objections were ridiculous, even impertinent in the family +circumstances, they might be awkward. "What do you object to? I +suppose you don't like the idea of paying debts; none of you seem to." + +"No," Julia answered; "it isn't that; of course the debts must be paid +in the way you say, it is the only way." + +"I am glad you think so," the banker said sarcastically; "though I may +as well tell you, young lady, that it would still be done even without +your approval. What is it you don't like, spending your money for +other people?" + +Julia smiled a little. "We may as well call it that," she said; "I +don't like the boarding-house investment." + +"What do you like? Seeing your parents go to the poorhouse? That's +what will happen." + +"No, they can come and live with me. I have got a large cottage, a +garden, a field, and £50 a year. If we keep pigs and poultry, and grow +things in the garden we can live in the cottage on the £50 a year till +the debts are all paid off; after that, of course, we should have +enough to be pretty comfortable. We need not keep a servant there, or +regard appearances or humbug--it would be very cheap." + +"And nasty," her uncle added. He was not impressed with the wisdom of +this scheme; indeed he did not seriously contemplate it as possible. +"You are talking nonsense," he said; "absurd, childish nonsense; you +don't know anything about it; you have no idea what life in a cottage +means; the drudgery of cooking and scrubbing and so on; the doing +without society and the things you are used to; as for pigs and +gardening, why, you don't know how to dig a hole or grow a cabbage!" + +But he was not quite right; Julia had learnt something about drudgery +in Holland, something about growing things, at least in theory, and so +much about doing without the society to which she was used at home +that she had absolutely no desire for it left. She made as much of +this plan to Mr. Ponsonby as was possible and desirable; enough, at +all events, to convince him that she had thought out her plan in every +detail and was very bent on it. + +"I suppose the utter selfishness of this idea of yours has not struck +you," he said at last. "You may think you would like this kind of +life, though you wouldn't if you tried it, but how about your mother?" + +"She won't like it," Julia admitted; "but then, on the other hand, +there is father. I suppose you know he has taken to drink lately and +at all times gambled as much as he could. What do you think would +become of him in a boarding-house in some fashionable place, with +nothing to do, and any amount of opportunity?" + +Mr. Ponsonby did not feel able or willing to discuss the Captain's +delinquencies with his daughter; his only answer was, "What will +become of your mother keeping pigs and poultry and living in an +isolated cottage? It would be social extinction for her." + +"The boarding-house would be moral extinction for father." + +Mr. Ponsonby grew impatient. "I suppose you think," he said irritably, +"that you have reduced it to this--the sacrifice of one parent or the +other. You have no business to think about such things; but if you +had, to which do you owe the most duty? Who has done the most for +you?" + +"Well," Julia answered slowly, "I'm not sure I am considering duty +only; people who don't pay their debts are not always great at duty, +you know. Perhaps it is really inclination with me. Father is fonder +of me than mother is; I have never been much of a social success. +Mother did not find me such good material to work upon, so naturally +she rather dropped me for the ones who were good material. I admire +mother the more, but I am sorrier for father, because he can't take +care of himself, and has no consolation left; it serves him right, of +course, but it must be very uncomfortable all the same. Do you see?" + +"No, I don't," her uncle answered shortly; "I am old-fashioned enough +to think sons and daughters ought to do their duty to their parents, +not analyse them in this way." He forgot that he had in a measure +invited this analysis, and Julia did not remind him, although no doubt +she was aware of it. + +"I should like to do my duty to them both," she said; "and I believe I +will do it best by going to the cottage. Father would get to be a +great nuisance to mother at the boarding-house after a time, almost as +bad as the pigs and poultry at the cottage. Also, if we had the +boarding-house, father's moral extinction would be complete, but if we +lived at the cottage mother's social one would not; she could go and +stay with Violet and other people the worst part of the time, while we +were shortest of money. Besides all that, there are two other things; +I like the cottage best myself, and I believe it to be the best--I +know the sort of living life we should live at a boarding-house--and +then there is Johnny Gillat." + +Mr. Ponsonby had no recollection of who Johnny Gillat was, and he did +not trouble to ask; Julia's other reason was the one he seized upon. +"You like it!" he said; "yes, now we have come to the truth; the +person you are considering is yourself; I knew that all along; you +need not have troubled to wrap it up in all these grand +reasons--consideration for your father, and so on!" + +"Oh, but think how much better it sounded!" Julia said, with twinkling +eyes. + +Mr. Ponsonby did not see the twinkle; he read Julia a lecture on +selfishness and ended up by saying, "You are utterly selfish and +ingrain lazy, that's what you are; you don't want to do a stroke of +honest work for any one." + +"Dishonest work is where I shine," Julia told him. "Oh, not +scoundrelly dishonesty, company promoting, and so on," (Mr. Ponsonby +was on several boards of directors, but he was not a company promoter, +still he snorted a little) "I mean real dishonest work; with a little +practice I would make such a thief as you do not meet every day in the +week." + +"I can quite believe it," her uncle retorted grimly; "lazy people +generally do take to lying and stealing and, as I say, lazy is what +you are. Sooner than work for your living, you go and pig in a +cottage, because you think that way you can do nothing all day; lead +an idle life." + +"Yes," Julia agreed sweetly; "I think that must be my reason--a nice +comfortable idle life with the pigs and poultry, and garden, and +cooking, and scrubbing, and two incompetent old men. I really think +you must be right." + +Here it must be recorded, Mr. Ponsonby very nearly lost his temper, +and not without justification. Was he not giving time and +consideration and (probably) money to help this hopeless family on to +its legs again? And was it not more than mortal middle-aged man could +bear, not only to be opposed by the only member with any means, but +also to be made sly fun of by her? He gave Julia his opinion very +sharply, and no doubt she deserved it. But the worst of it was that +did not prevent her from exercising the right of the person who is not +a beggar to choose. + +The Polkington family, who were soon afterwards called in to assist +at the discussion, sided with Mr. Ponsonby. Violet and Mrs. Polkington +with great decision, the Captain more weakly. Eventually he was won +over to Julia because her scheme seemed to hold a place for him where +he could flatter himself he was wanted. The argument went on and +angrily, on the part of some present; Julia was most amiable; but, as +the Van Heigens had found, she was an extremely awkward antagonist, +the more amiable, the more awkward, even in a weak position, as with +them, and in a strong one, as now, she was a great deal worse. Mr. +Ponsonby lost the train he meant to catch back to London; he did not +do it only for the benefit of his sister, but also because Julia had +given battle and he was not going to retire from the field. Violet and +Mr. Frazer deliberately postponed the hour of their departure; Violet +was determined not to leave things in this condition; Julia's plan, +she considered a disgrace to the whole family. Mr. Frazer was asked +not to come to the family council; Violet explained to him that they +were having trouble with Julia; she would tell him all about it +afterwards, but it distressed her mother so much that it would perhaps +be kinder if he was not there at the time. Mr. Frazer quite agreed; he +shared some of his wife's sentiments about appearances; also he had no +wish to be distressed either in mind or tastes. + +Violet did tell him about it afterwards; a curtailed and selected +version, but one eminently suitable to the purpose. On hearing it he +was justly angry with Julia's heartless selfishness in keeping her +legacy to herself. He was also shocked at her determination to go and +live a farm labourer's life in a farm labourer's cottage. He was truly +sorry for Mrs. Polkington, between whom and himself there existed a +mutual affection and admiration. He said it was bitterly hard that her +one remaining daughter should treat her thus; that it was +barbarous, impossible, that a woman of her age, tastes, refinement and +gifts should be compelled to lead such a life as was proposed. In fact +he could not and would not permit it; he hoped that she would make her +home at his rectory; nay, he insisted upon it; both Violet and himself +would not take a refusal; she must and should come to them. + +[Illustration: "A wonderful woman"] + +Julia smiled her approval; when things were worked up to this end; she +would have liked to clap her applause, it was so well done. Mrs. +Polkington and Violet were so admirable, they were already almost +convinced of all they said; in two days they would believe it quite as +much as Mr. Ponsonby did now. She did not in the least mind having to +appear as the ungrateful daughter; it fitted in so beautifully with +Violet's arrangement. And really the arrangement was very good; the +utilitarian feelings of the family did not suffer at wrenches and +splits as did more tender ones; no one would object much to an +advantageous division. And most advantageous it certainly was; the +cottage household would go better without Mrs. Polkington and she +would be far happier at the rectory. She would not make any trouble +there; rather, she would give her son-in-law cause to be glad of her +coming; there would be scope for her there, and she would possibly +develop better than she had ever had a chance of doing before. + +So everything was decided. The house in East Street was to be given +up, and most of its contents sold; as Julia's cottage was furnished +already with Aunt Jane's things, she need only take a few extras from +the home. The debts were to be paid as far as possible now, and the +small income was to be divided; part was to go as pin money to Mrs. +Polkington, the main part of the remainder to go to the debts, and a +very small modicum to come with the Captain to the cottage. + +Julia was quite satisfied, and let it be apparent. This, with her +obvious cheerfulness, rather incensed Violet, who regarded the sale of +their effects as rather a disgrace, and Julia's plans for the future, +as a great one. + +"You ought to be ashamed of yourself," she told her younger sister, +just before she left Marbridge. "I am positively ashamed to think you +belong to us. It will be nice to meet Norfolk people at the Palace or +somewhere, who have seen you tending your pigs and doing your washing. +It is such an unusual name; I can quite fancy some one being +introduced to mother and thinking it odd that her name should be the +same as some dirty cottage people." + +"Well," Julia suggested, "why not change it? Such a trifle as a name +surely need not stand in our way; we have got over worse things than +that. Mother can be something else, or I can; mother had better do it; +father will forget who he is if I make a change." + +"Don't be absurd," Violet said; "I only wish you could change it +though; I never want to write to you as Julia Polkington in case some +servant were to notice the address; one never knows how these things +come out." + +"Don't write as that," her sister told her; "address me as 'Julia +Snooks' or anything else you like; I am not particular." + +Violet did not take this as a serious suggestion; nevertheless, Julia +told Mr. Frazer on the platform at Marbridge that she and Violet had +been having a christening, and that she was now Julia Snooks. Mr. +Ponsonby said it was ridiculous, to which Julia replied-- + +"That is what I am myself." + +Mrs. Polkington said it was foolish too, but she did not say so +vehemently; she felt that in the Frazer circle, especially at the +Palace where she would meet people from everywhere, she might possibly +come across some one who had heard of Julia. It was unlikely; still it +is a small world, and Polkington an uncommon name. "Why not choose +something simple, like 'Gray'?" she suggested. + +"Because," Julia answered, "that is what I am not." + + * * * * * + +But fate had one exceedingly bitter pill for Mrs. Polkington. On the +day after Chèrie and her husband sailed for South Africa, it was known +in Marbridge that the news of Mr. Harding's engagement was false. The +girl gossip had coupled with him was engaged, it is true, and to a Mr. +Harding, but to another and entirely different bearer of the name. The +real, eligible Mr. Harding called at East Street to explain to Mrs. +Polkington how the mistake had arisen, to tell her that he himself had +been away in the north for some weeks and so had heard nothing of it. +Also to hear--and he had heard nothing of that either--that Chèrie was +married and gone. + +The news of Mr. Harding's freedom and his call, and what she fancied +it might have implied, did not reach Chèrie till after her arrival in +Africa. It did not tend to soothe the first weeks of married life, nor +to make easier the rigorous, but no doubt wholesome, breaking-in +process to which her husband wisely subjected her. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +THE GOOD COMRADE + + +Rawson-Clew was very busy that autumn, so busy that the events which +had taken place in Holland were rather blotted out of his mind; he had +not exactly forgotten them, only among the press of other things he +did not often think about them and they soon came to take their proper +unimportant place among his recollections. Julia he thought of +occasionally, but less and less in connection with the foolish +holiday, more in connection with some chance saying or doing. Things +recalled her, a passage in a book, a sentiment she would have shared, +an opinion she would have combated. Or perhaps it was that some one he +met set him thinking of her shrewd swift judgments; some scene in +which he played a part that made him imagine her an amused spectator +of its unconscious absurdity. He had turned her thyme flowers out of +his pocket; he had no sentiment about them or her, but he did not +forget her; their acquaintance had, to a certain extent, been a thing +of mind, and in mind it seemed he occasionally came in contact with +her still. Also there is no doubt she must have been one of those +virile people who take hold, for though one could sometimes overlook +her presence, in absence one did not forget. + +Of herself and her doings he never heard; at first he had half thought +he might have some communication from Mr. Gillat, but as the autumn +went on and he heard nothing, he came to the conclusion that she +really must have arranged something satisfactorily and there was an +end to the whole affair. He settled down to his own concerns and +became very thoroughly absorbed in them, to the exclusion of nearly +everything else. For women he never had much taste, and now, being +busy and preoccupied, he got into the way of scanning them more +critically than ever when he did happen to come across them. Not +comparing them with any ideal standard, but just finding them +uninteresting, whether they were the cultivated, well-bred girls of +the country, or the smart young matrons and wide-awake maidens of the +town. + +That autumn the young Rawson-Clew, Captain Polkington's acquaintance, +came into a fortune and took a wife. The latter was, perhaps, on the +whole, a wise proceeding, for, though the wife in question would +undoubtedly help him in the rapid and inevitable spending of the +fortune, she was likely also to enable him to get more for his money +than if he were spending alone. Rawson-Clew was not introduced to this +lady till the winter, then, one evening, he met her at a friend's "at +home." + +She was very pretty, small and fair and plump, with childish blue +eyes, and an anything but childish mind behind them. She had dainty +little feet, as well shaped as any he had ever seen, and she was +perfectly dressed, her gown a diaphanous creation of melting colours +and floating softness, which suggested more than it revealed of her +person, like a nymph's drapery. She was the centre of attraction and +talked and laughed a great deal, the latter in little tinkles like a +child of five, the former from the top of her throat with the faintest +lisp and in the strange jargon that was the slang of the moment. She +knew no more of Florentine art or Wagner or Egyptology than Julia +did, and cared even less. She set out to be intelligently ignorant--to +be anything else was called "middle-class" in her set--and she +achieved her end, although she could do some things extremely +well--play bridge, gamble in stocks and shares and anything else, and +arrange lights and colours with the skill of an artist when a suitable +setting for her pretty self was concerned. She had all the charms of +womanly weakness without any old-fashioned and grandmotherly +narrowness; she was quite free and emancipated in mind and manners, no +man had to modify his language for her; she preferred a double meaning +to a single one, and a _risque_ story to a plain one. She had an +excellent taste in dinners, a critical one in liqueurs, and a catholic +one in men. + +She was most gracious to Rawson-Clew when he was introduced, breaking +up her court and dismissing her admirers solely to accommodate him. +The instant she saw him, before she heard who he was, she picked him +out as the game best worthy of her prowess, and she lost no time in +addressing herself to the chase with the skill and determination of a +Diana--though that perhaps is hardly a good comparison, enthusiasm for +the chase being about the only quality she shared with the maiden +huntress. + +Rawson-Clew did not show signs of succumbing at once to her charms; +she hardly expected that he would, for she gave him credit for knowing +his own value and was not displeased thereby; where is the pleasure of +sport if the quarry be captured at the outset? But if he did not +succumb he did all that was otherwise expected of him, standing in +attendance on her and sitting by her when he was invited to the settee +she had chosen in a quiet corner. So well, indeed, did he comport +himself that by the time they parted she felt fairly satisfied with +her progress. + +Perhaps she would have been less satisfied if she had heard something +he said soon after. A man he knew left the house at the same time he +did and persuaded him to come to the club. On the way the little lady +came in for some discussion; the other man chiefly gave his opinion +though he once asked Rawson-Clew what he thought of his young cousin's +wife. + +"As a wife?" he answered; "I should not think of her. If I wanted, as +I certainly do not, the privilege of paying that kind of woman's +bills, I should not bother to marry her." + +The other man laughed, but if he quarrelled with anything in the +answer, it appeared to be the taste rather than the judgment. He +maintained that the lady was charming; Rawson-Clew merely said-- + +"Think so?" and did not even trouble to defend his opinion. + +At the club he found a box that had come for him by parcels post. A +wooden one with the address printed on a card and nailed to the lid, +which was screwed down. It did not look particularly interesting; he +told one of the club servants to unscrew it for him. When he came to +examine the contents he found, first a lot of damp packing, and then a +wide-necked stoppered bottle, two-thirds full of white powder. It bore +a label printed neatly like the address-- + +"Herr Van de Greutz's Explosive. + +"Formula as he said it...." + +For a moment Rawson-Clew held the bottle, staring at it in blank +astonishment; so tense was his attitude that it caught the other man's +attention. + +"Hullo!" he said, "some one sent you an infernal machine?" + +Rawson-Clew roused himself. "No," he answered shortly. + +He put the bottle back in the box after he had felt in the packing and +found nothing, then he fastened it up with more care than was perhaps +necessary. He looked at the address on the lid, but it told him +nothing more than it had at first; neither that nor the name of the +post-office from which it was sent gave any clue to the sender. And +yet he felt as if Julia were at his elbow with that mute sympathy in +her eyes which had been there when they talked of failure in the wood +on the Dunes. + +He rose, and taking the box, went towards the door; the other man +watched him curiously. "One would think you had found a ghost in your +box," he said. + +"I'm not sure that I have not," Rawson-Clew looked back to answer; +"the ghost of a good comrade." + +Then he went home. + +When he was alone in his chambers and secure from interruption, he +opened the box again and took out all the packing, carefully sorting +it. But he found nothing, no scrap of paper, no clue of any sort; he +took off the linen rag that fastened in the bottle stopper, but that +betrayed nothing either; and yet he thought of Julia. + +She was the only person who could know about the explosive. It had +never been actually spoken of last summer, but the chances were she +knew. She was the only person who could have known or who could have +got it. It was like her, so like that he was as sure as if her name +were in the box that she was the sender. How she had got the stuff he +could not think, he knew the difficulties in the way; but she had done +it somehow, and now she had sent it to him, without name for fear of +embarrassing him, without clue, with no desire for thanks--loyal, +generous, able little comrade! He looked up again; he felt as if she +were bodily present; the whole thing, astounding as he had found it at +first, was somehow so characteristic of her. And because of her +presence he suddenly wished he had not been to that evening's +entertainment and sat close by his cousin's wife and heard the things +she said, and answered the things she looked. He felt as if he were +not clean, as if he had no right to entertain even the ghost of the +good comrade. + +Rawson-Clew was not self-conscious; it never occurred to him to think +if he appeared ridiculous, whether he was alone or in company. He took +off his dress coat and flung it aside with a feeling of disgust; its +sleeve had brushed that woman's bare arm; he could almost fancy that a +suggestion of the scent she used clung to it. He put it out of sight +and fetched some other garment before he came back to the thing which +had recalled Julia. And yet the girl was no lily-child with the dew of +dawn upon her; he did not for one instant think she was; probably, had +she been, she would not have been the good comrade. The facts of life +were not strange to her, she knew them, good and bad; was not above +laughing at what was funny even if it was somewhat coarse, but she had +no taste for lascivious wallowing no matter under what name disguised. +A man could be at home with her, he could speak the truth to her; but +he would not make a point of taking her into the society of that +woman, any more than he would invite a friend to look at the sink, +unless there was some purpose to serve. + +Rawson-Clew took up the bottle and looked at it, and looked at the +address card on the lid, all over again; and there grew in his mind +the conviction that he been a remarkable and particular fool. Not +because he had taken that holiday on the Dunes, nor yet because he had +failed to get the explosive and Julia had succeeded--he believed that +a man might have average intelligence and yet fail there, for he +thought she had more than average. But because he had failed to +recognise a fact that had been existent all the time--the need he had +for the good comrade. Why had he a better liking for his work than of +old? Because it was such as she would have liked, could have done +well, every now and then he fancied her there. Why did he find new +pleasure in the hours he spent reading Renaissance Italian, old +memoirs, the ripe wisdom of the late Tudors and early Stuarts? Because +he found her in the pages, saw her laugh sometimes, heard her +contradict at others; felt her, invisible and not always recognised, +at his elbow. + +He looked round; why should not the presence be fact instead of fancy? +He would go to Mr. Gillat and find her whereabouts; if Julia was in +England, as she probably was, seeing that the box was posted in +London, the old man would know where she was. He would go to Berwick +Street--he looked at the clock--no, not now; it was too late, or +rather too early; he would have to wait till the morning was a good +deal older. + +Unfortunately the carrying out of the plan did not prove very +successful. Berwick Street he found, and No. 31 he found, but not Mr. +Gillat; he was gone and had left no address. Mrs. Horn did not seem +troubled by the omission; he had paid everything before he went away, +and he practically never had any letters to be sent on; why, she +asked, should she bother after his address? + +Rawson-Clew could not tell her why she should, nor did he give any +reason why he himself should. He went away and, reversing the order of +his previous search, went to Marbridge. + +But failure awaited him there, too. When he came to the Polkingtons' +house he found it empty, the blinds down, the steps uncleaned, and +bills announcing that it was to let in the windows. He stood and +looked at it in the grey afternoon, and for a moment he was conscious +of a feeling of desolation and disappointment which was almost absurd. +He turned away and began to make inquiries about the family. He soon +learnt all that was commonly known. They had been gone from East +Street some little time now; they must have left before the box +containing the explosive was posted. Julia had sent it to Aunt Jane's +lawyer, before she set out for the cottage, asking him to dispatch it +at a given date, and he had fulfilled her request, thinking it a +wedding present and the date specified one near the impending +ceremony. This, of course, Rawson-Clew did not find out; he found out +several things about the Polkingtons though, their debts and +difficulties, their sale and the break up of the family. He also found +out that the youngest Miss Polkington was married and the second, and +now only remaining one, had come home before the break up. As to where +the family were now, that was not quite so clear; Mrs. Polkington was +with one of her married daughters; her address was easily obtainable +and apparently considered all that any one could require, and quite +sufficient to cover the rest of the family. Captain Polkington--nobody +thought much about him--when they did, it was generally concluded he +was with his wife. As for Julia, she must have got a situation of some +sort--unless, which was unlikely, she was with her parents. +Rawson-Clew took Mrs. Polkington's address--it was all he could +get--and determined to write to her. + +It did occur to him to write to Julia at her sister's house and +request that his letter was forwarded; but he did not do so; he was +not at all sure she would answer; he wanted to see her face to face +this time. He wrote to Mrs. Polkington and asked her for Julia's +address, introducing himself as a friend met in Holland, and +explaining his reason, vaguely to be connected with that time. + +When Mrs. Polkington received the letter she thought it over a little; +then she showed it to Violet, and they discussed it together. At the +outset they made a mistake; they only knew of one person of the name +of Rawson-Clew--the Captain's young acquaintance; he had certainly +gone away from Marbridge last spring and so in point of time could +have met Julia in Holland, only it was not likely that he had, or that +he had become friendly with her. At least so Violet said; Mrs. +Polkington, who knew what remarkable things herself and family could +do in the way of getting to know people, was inclined to think +differently. On one point, however, they were agreed; it would be very +unpleasant to have to tell one in the position of Mr. Rawson-Clew +about Julia's present proceedings. Giving the address would be giving +the information, or something like it--one would have to +explain--"Miss Julia Snooks, White's Cottage, near Halgrave." + +"We can't do that," Violet said with decision. + +"I might say I would forward a letter, perhaps?" Mrs. Polkington +suggested. + +But Violet did not think that would do either. "Julia would answer +it," she said; "and that would be quite as bad; you know, she is not +in the least ashamed of herself." + +Mrs. Polkington did know it. "I believe you are right," she said, with +the air of one convinced against her will; "Julia has voluntarily cut +herself adrift from her own class; it would be unpleasant and +embarrassing for her as well as for other people to force her into any +connection with it again; I don't think any purpose can be served by +reopening an acquaintance with Mr. Rawson-Clew, we did not know him +at Marbridge"--she never forgot that his circle there did not think +her good enough to know. "I cannot imagine that it would be +advantageous for Julia to write to him or hear from him under the +present circumstances. He comes of a Norfolk family, too (Mrs. +Polkington always knew about people's families even when she did not +know them personally; it was the sort of information that interested +her); I don't know what part of the county his people belong to, very +likely nowhere near Julia; but supposing it were near enough for him +to know from the address what kind of a place Julia was in, it really +might be so awkward; we ought to be very careful for dear Richard's +sake, especially seeing his connection with the Palace. I really think +it would be wiser as you say, to be on the safe side." + +So she kept on that side, which, being, interpreted meant leaving +Rawson-Clew's information much where it was before. She wrote very +nicely, somewhat involved, not at all baldly; but reduced to plain +terms her letter came to this--she was not going to tell Julia's +address or anything about her. + +So Rawson-Clew read it, and very angry he was. And the worst of all +was that on the same night that he received this letter, he also +received orders to go at once to Constantinople. He had no time for +anything and no choice but to go and leave the search. But during his +journey across Europe an idea came to him with the suddenness of an +inspiration. He knew what Julia had done--she had "retired," even as +she had said she hoped to on the first day they walked together. She +had retired somewhere from shams and hypocrisy, from society and her +family; possibly even she had adopted the corduroy and onions part of +the ambition; if so, that would explain her mother's refusal, based +on some kind of pride, to give her address. She had retired, and she +had taken Johnny Gillat with her, and her own people had washed their +hands of her! He knew now what to look for when he should come back. +He might not be back for two months or even three, but when he did +come he would be able to find Julia and talk to her about the +explosive--and other things. + + * * * * * + +It may be here said that the wonderful explosive did not do what was +expected of it, either in England or Holland, for it was found to +decompose on keeping. It did everything else that was boasted of it, +but no one succeeded in keeping it more than fifteen months, an +irremediate defect in an explosive for military purposes. This, of +course, was not discovered at first, and the honour and glory of +obtaining the specimen was considerable, if only there had been some +one to take it. Rawson-Clew did not consider himself the person. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +THE SIMPLE LIFE + + +Julia was collecting fir-cones. All around her the land lay brown and +still; dead heather, and sometimes dead bracken, a shade paler, and, +more rarely, gorse bushes, nearly brown, too, in their sober winter +dress. It was almost flat, a wonderful illimitable place, very remote, +very silent, unbroken except for occasional pine-trees. These were not +scattered but grew in clumps, miles apart, though looking near in this +place of distances, and also in a belt not more than five or six trees +wide, winding mile after mile like a black band over the plain. Julia +stood on the edge of this belt now, gathering the dropped cones and +putting them into a sack. The afternoon was advanced and already it +was beginning to grow dark among the trees, but she determined not to +go till she had got all she could carry. It was the first time she had +been to collect cones; she had sent her father once and Mr. Gillat +once. They had taken longer and gathered less than she, but it was not +on that account that she had gone herself to-day. Rather it was +because she wanted to go to the dark belt of trees which she saw every +day from her window, and because she wanted to go right out into the +wide open land and see what it looked like and feel what it felt like. +And when she got there she found it, like the Dunes, all she had +expected and more. + +At last she had her sack full, and, shouldering it, carried it off on +her back, which, seeing the comfort of the arrangement, must be the +way Nature intended weights to be carried. Clear of the shadow of the +trees it was lighter; the grey sky held the light long; twilight +seemed to creep up from the ground rather than fall from above, as if +darkness were an earth-born thing that gained slowly, and, for a time, +only upon the brighter gift of Heaven. It was quieter, too, out here, +for under the pines, though the weather was still, there was a +breathing moan as if the trees sighed incessantly in their sleep. But +out here in the brown land it was very quiet; the air light and dry +and keen, with the flavour of the not distant sea mingled with the +smell of the pines and the dead ferns--a thing to stir the pulse and +revive the memory of the divine inheritance and the old belief that +man is but a little lower than the angels, related to the infinite and +god-like. + +White's Cottage stood where the heath-land ceased and the sand began. +There was much sand; tradition said it had gradually overwhelmed a +village that lay beyond; indeed, that White's Cottage was the last and +most distant house of the lost place. Be that as it may, it certainly +was very solitary, rather far from the village of Halgrave, with no +road leading to it except the track that came from Halgrave and +stopped at the cottage gate--there was nowhere to go beyond. + +Dusk had almost deepened to darkness when Julia reached the house; it +gleamed curiously in the half light, for it was built of flints, for +the most part grey, but with a paler one here and there catching the +light. She put her sack of cones in one of the several sheds which +were built on the sides of the cottage, and which, being of the same +flint material, made it look larger than it was. Then she went into +the kitchen. + +Johnny Gillat was there before her; he had been busy in the garden all +the afternoon, but, with the help of the field-glasses which he had +not been allowed to sell, he had descried her coming across the open +land. As soon as he was sure of her, and while she was still a good +way off, he hurried away his tools into the house to get ready. He +wanted it all to look to her as it had to him on the day when he came +back from cone-getting--the fire blazing, the tea ready, the kitchen +snug and neat; very unlike the dining-room at Marbridge with the one +gas jet burning and "Bouquet" alight. Of course Johnny did not quite +succeed; he never did in matters small or great, but he did his best. +The dinner things, which Captain Polkington was to have washed, were +not done, and still about. They had to be put in the back kitchen, and +Johnny, who had no idea of saving labour, took so long carrying them +away, that he hardly had time to set the tea. He had meant to make +some toast, but there was no time for that; the first piece of bread +had no more than begun to get warm when he heard Julia's step outside. +But the fire was blazing nicely, and that was the chief thing; even +though the putting on of the kettle had been forgotten. When Julia +came in and saw the fire and crooked tablecloth and hastily-arranged +cups, and Johnny's beaming face, she exclaimed, "How cubby it looks! +Why, you have got the tea all ready, and"--sniffing the air--"I +believe you are making toast; that is nice!" + +Mr. Gillat beamed; then he caught sight of the kettle standing on the +hearth, and his face fell. + +But Julia put it on the fire. "It will give you good time to finish +the toast while it boils," she said; "toast ought not to be hurried, +you know; yours will be just right." + +It was not; it was rather smoky when it came to be eaten, the fire not +being very suitable; but that did not matter; Julia declared it +perfect. This was the only form of hypocrisy she practised in the +simple life; possibly, if she thought of the will more than the deed, +it was really not such great hypocrisy. At all events she practised +it; she did not think truth so beautiful that frail daily life must be +the better for its undiluted and uncompromising application to all +poor little tender efforts. + +During tea the great subject of conversation was the hen house. The +last occupant of the cottage had kept hens and all the out-buildings +were in good repair; however, a recent gale had loosened part of the +roof of this one, and Captain Polkington had been mending it. There +had not been much to do; the Captain could not do a great deal; his +faculties of work--if he ever had any--had atrophied for want of use. +Still, he thought he had done a good day's work, and, as a +consequence, was important and inclined to be exacting. That is the +reason why he had neglected the dinner things; he felt that a man who +had done all he had was entitled to some rest and consideration. Julia +did not mind in the least; if he was happy and contented, that was all +she wished; she never reckoned his help as one of the assets of the +household. For that matter, she had not reckoned Mr. Gillat's of much +value either, but there she found she was a little mistaken. Johnny +was very slow and very laborious and really ingenious in finding a +wrong way of doing things even when she thought she had left him no +choice, but he was very painstaking and persevering. He would do +anything he was told, and he took the greatest pleasure in doing it. +Whether it was digging in the garden, or feeding the pigs, or +collecting firewood, or setting the table for meals, he was certain to +do everything to the best of his ability, and was perfectly happy if +she would employ him. There can be no doubt that the coming to White's +Cottage began a time of real happiness to Mr. Gillat; possibly the +happiest since his wealthy boyhood when he spent lavishly and +indiscriminately on anybody and everybody. The Captain was less happy; +his satisfaction was of an intermittent order. His discontent did not +take the form of wishing to go back to Marbridge or to join his wife, +only in feeling oppressed and misunderstood, and wishing occasionally +that he had not been born or had been born rich--and of course +remained so all his life. He was dissatisfied that evening when the +contentment begotten of his work had worn off; he wanted to go to the +market town to-morrow. Julia was going to get several necessaries for +the household; he considered that he ought to go too, but she would +not take him. + +"You will have a great deal to carry," he protested. + +"Yes," Julia agreed; "but I shall manage it." + +"It is not fit for you to go about alone," her father urged. + +She forebore to smile, though the novelty, not to say tardiness of the +idea amused her; she only said, "It would take you and Johnny too long +to walk into the town; we can't afford to spend too long on the way, +and we can't afford a cart to take us." + +The Captain was not convinced; he never was by any one's logic but his +own; perhaps because his own was totally different to all other kinds, +including the painful logic of facts. He sighed deeply. "It is a +strange, a humiliating condition of things," he observed to Mr. +Gillat, "when a father has to ask his daughter's permission to go into +town." + +Johnny rubbed the side of his chair thoughtfully, then a bright idea +occurred to him. "Ah, but," he said, "gentlemen always have to ask ladies' +permission before they can accompany them anywhere--especially when it is +the lady of the house." + +A wise man might not perhaps have said this last, but Johnny did, and +as it happened, it did not much matter; before the Captain could +answer, Julia rose from the table and began to clear away. + +Sundry household jobs had to be done in the evening; some were always +left till then; in these short dark days it was advisable to use the +light for work out of doors. At last, however, all was done, and Julia +began to arrange for to-morrow. The Captain was sulky and sure that he +would have rheumatism and so not be able to go out. His daughter did +not seem to be greatly troubled; she told him of some easy work in the +house he could do, or if he liked and felt able, he would perhaps go +and get more fir-cones; there were plenty, and they saved other fuel. +The Captain replied that he was not in the habit of taking orders from +his children. + +Johnny looked unhappy; he did not like these ruffles to the tranquil +life; it always pained him for any one to be dissatisfied, with reason +or without it. When Julia turned to him he was even more ready than +usual to take orders; he would have done anything she told him from +sweeping the copper flue to calling upon the rector, but secretly he +hoped she would give him work in the garden. + +The garden was of considerable size, and, by some freak of nature, of +fairly good soil, though the field and most of the surrounding land +was very poor. They had all worked hard in this plot ever since their +coming; there was not much more to be done, or at least not much +planting, which was what Mr. Gillat liked. However, there had been no +sharp frosts yet and Julia, who knew his tastes, thought she could +find something to please him. She called him to the back kitchen and +between them they brought from there a wooden case, the contents of +which she began to sort over to find an occupation suitable to him. +The box was getting rather empty now, but there was still something in +it, bulbs and seeds and printed directions, and a strange mixed smell +of greyish-brown paper and buckwheat husks and the indescribable smell +of Dutch barns. + +It had come from Holland, from the Van Heigens; it was Mijnheer's +present to the disgraced companion who had been so summarily +dismissed. When Julia went to the cottage, it occurred to her to write +to Mijnheer and tell him where she was, and how she meant to live a +harmless horticultural life. She had come to think that perhaps she +ought to tell him; she knew how her own words, about the way they were +thrusting a sinner down, would stay with him and his wife. They would +quite likely grow in the slow mind of the old man until he became +uneasy and unhappy about her, and blamed himself for her undoing. At +the time that she spoke she wasted the words to so grow and germinate; +but now, looking back, she could think differently; after all the Van +Heigens had only done what they thought right, and she had done what +she knew to be at least open to doubt. And they had not thrust her +down; it would take considerably more than that to do anything of the +sort; they had allowed her an opportunity which she had used to +achieve a great success. And now that it was achieved and she had left +it all behind and was settled to the simple life--her vague +ambition--her heart went out to the simple folk who had first shown +her that it might be good; who had been kind to her when there was +nothing to gain, who had made her ashamed. + +So she wrote to Mijnheer and told him that she had fared well, and +found another situation in Holland after leaving his service. Also +that she had now left it and, having inherited a little property, had +come to live in a country cottage with her father. She further said +that she meant to imitate the Dutch and do her own house-work and also +grow things, vegetables especially, in her garden. + +And Mijnheer, when he got the letter, was delighted; so, too, was +Mevrouw; Joost said nothing. They read the letter two or three times, +showed it to the Snieders (including Denah) and to the Dutch girl who +now filled Julia's situation--more or less. They talked over it a +great deal and over Julia too; they remembered every detail about her, +her good points and her great fall. They were as delighted as they +could be to hear that she was well and happy and apparently, good. +Mijnheer especially was pleased to hear that she was with her +father--he did not know that gentleman--he was sure she would be well +looked after with him, and that, so he said, was what she wanted. So, +contrary to their theory, but not out of accord with their practice, +they forgave the sin for the sake of the sinner, and Mijnheer ordered +to be packed, seeds and bulbs and plants for Julia's garden. He +selected them himself, flowers as well as vegetables, sorts which he +thought most suitable; and he ordered Joost to stick to the bags +strips cut out of catalogues where, in stiff Dutch-English, directions +are given as to how to grow everything that can be grown. And if Joost +put in some sorts not included in his father's list, and failed to +tell the good man about it, it was no doubt all owing to his having at +one time associated with the dishonest Julia. + +The packing and dispatching of the box gave great pleasure to the Van +Heigens; but the receiving and unpacking gave even greater pleasure +when at last it reached Miss Snooks at White's Cottage. Julia had not +told Mijnheer why she was Miss Snooks now and he, after grave +consideration, decided that it must be because of the legacy, and in +fulfilment of some obscure English law of property. Having so decided, +he addressed the case in good faith, and advised her of its departure. + +Julia and Mr. Gillat planted the things that came in the box; Julia +planted most, but Mr. Gillat enjoyed it even when he was only looking +on. There was one bulb she set when he was not there to look on, but +it did not come with the others. She chose a spot that best fulfilled +the conditions described in the directions for growing daffodils and +there, late one afternoon, she planted the bulb that she had brought +with her from the Van Heigens. Afterwards she marked the place round +and told Johnny and her father there was a choice flower there which +was not to be touched. + +Julia went to the market town as she had arranged. Mr. Gillat worked +in the garden; Captain Polkington watched him for a little and then +went out, after spending, as he always did, some time getting ready. +He took a basket with him; he thought of collecting fir-cones and he +objected to the sack, though it held a vast deal more; he felt +carrying it to be derogatory to a soldier and a gentleman. It is true +he did not get fir-cones that day, but he really meant to when he +started. + +Julia, in the meantime, did her shopping, and, having loaded herself +with as much as she could carry--more than most people could except +those Continental maids and mistresses who do their own marketing, she +started for home. It was a long walk--a long way to Halgrave and a +good bit beyond that to the cottage. She did not expect to reach the +village till dusk, but she thought very probably she would find her +father or Mr. Gillat there; she had suggested that one or both of them +should come to meet her and help carry the parcels the rest of the +way. + +Johnny fell in with the suggestion; she saw him through the twilight +before she reached the village. Her father, she concluded, was still +sulky at her refusal to have his company earlier and so would not come +now. + +"I suppose father would not come?" she said, as she and Mr. Gillat +walked on after a readjustment of the burden. + +"Oh, no," Johnny answered; "it was not that; I'm sure he would have +come if he had been in when I started, but he was not back then." + +"Not back?" Julia repeated. "Why, where has he gone?" + +"Well," Johnny replied slowly, "he said he was going to get fir-cones, +but I'm not sure, I didn't see him go across the heath. Still, I dare +say he went--he took a basket, so I think he must have gone." + +Julia apparently did not find this very conclusive evidence. "There is +not anywhere much about here where he can go," she said; much less as +if she were stating a fact than as if she were reviewing likely and +unlikely places. "There is only the one road, and that goes to +Halgrave, and there is nowhere for him there." + +"No, oh, no," Johnny said; "there really is nowhere there." + +"There is the 'Dog and Pheasant,'" Julia went on meditatively, "but he +would not get anything he cared about there." + +"No," Mr. Gillat said decidedly; "besides he would not go there, he +would not sit in a small country public house and--er--and--sit +there--and so on--he would not think of going to such a place. It is +one thing when you are out in the country for a day's fishing or +something, to have a glass of ale and a piece of bread and cheese at +an inn, but the other is quite different; he wouldn't do that--oh, no. +To sit in a little bar and--" + +"Booze," Julia concluded for him. "Johnny, you are always a wonder to +me; how you have contrived to live so long and yet to keep your belief +in man unspotted from the world beats me." + +Johnny looked uncomfortable and a little puzzled. "Well, but your +father--" he began. + +"My father is a man," Julia interrupted, "and I would not undertake to +say a man would not do anything--on occasions--or a woman either, for +the matter of that. There is a beast in most men, and an archangel in +lots, and a snob, and a prig, and a dormant hero, and an embryo poet. +There are great possibilities in men; you have to watch and see which +is coming out top and back that, and then half the time you are wrong. +Of course, at father's age, possibilities are getting over; one or two +things have come top and stay there." + +Mr. Gillat opened the cottage door and, not answering these +distressing generalities, fell back on his one fact. "Look," he said, +pointing to an empty peg, "he must have gone after fir-cones; you see +the basket has gone; he took it with him; I am sure he would not have +taken it to the 'Dog.'" + +"I believe their whisky is very bad," Julia said, and seemed to think +more of that than the argument of the basket. "I'll give him another +hour before I set out to look for him." + +She gave him the hour and then, in spite of Mr. Gillat's entreaties to +be allowed to go in her place, set out for Halgrave. But she did not +have to go all the way, for she met her father coming back. And she +early discovered that, if he had not been to the "Dog and Pheasant," +he had been somewhere else where he could get whisky. They walked home +together, and she made neither comments nor inquiries; she did not +consider that evening a suitable time. The Captain was only a little +muddled and, as has been before said, a very little alcohol was +sufficient to do that; he was quite clear enough to be a good deal +relieved by his daughter's behaviour, and even thought that she +noticed nothing amiss. Indeed, by the morning, he had himself almost +come to think there was nothing to notice. + +But alas, for the Captain! He had never learnt to beware of those +deceptive people who bide their time and bring into domestic life the +diplomatic policy of speaking on suitable occasions only. He came +down-stairs that morning very well pleased with himself; he felt that +he had vindicated the rights of man yesterday; this conclusion was +arrived at by a rather circuitous route, but it was gratifying; it was +also gratifying to think that he had been able to enjoy himself +without being found out. But Julia soon set him right on this last +point; she did not reproach him or, as Mrs. Polkington would have +done, point out the disgrace he would bring upon them; she only told +him that it must not occur again. She also explained that, while he +lived in her house, she had a right to dictate in these matters and, +what was more, she was going to do so. + +At this the Captain was really hurt; his feeling for dignity was very +sensitive, though given to manifesting itself in unusual ways. "Am I +to be dependent for the rest of my days?" he asked. + +Julia did not answer; she thought it highly probable. + +"Am I to be dictated to at every turn?" he went on. + +Julia did answer. "No," she said; "I don't think there will be any +need for that." + +Captain Polkington paid no attention to the answer; he was standing +before the kitchen fire, apostrophising things in general rather than +asking questions. + +"Are my goings out and comings in to be limited by my daughter? Am I +to ask her permission before I accept hospitality or make friends?" + +"Friends?" said Julia. "Then it was not 'The Dog and Pheasant' you +went to, yesterday? I thought not." + +"Then you thought wrong," her father retorted incautiously; "I did go +there." + +"To begin with," Julia suggested; "but you came across some one, and +went on--is that it?" + +The Captain denied it, but he had not his wife's and daughters' gifts; +his lies were always of the cowardly and uninspired kind that seldom +serve any purpose. Julia did not believe him, and set to work cross +questioning him so that soon she knew what she wanted. It seemed that +her surmise was correct; he had met some one at the "Dog and +Pheasant"; a veterinary surgeon who had come there to doctor a horse. +They had struck up an acquaintance--the Captain had the family gift +for that--and the surgeon had asked him to come to his house on the +other side of Halgrave. + +When the information reached this point Julia said suavely, but with +meaning: "Perhaps you had better not go there again." + +"I shall certainly go when I choose," Captain Polkington retorted; "I +should like to know what is to prevent me and why I should not?" + +Julia remembered his dignity. "Shall we say because it is too far?" +she suggested. + +After that she dismissed the subject; she did not see any need to +pursue it further; her father knew her wishes--commands, perhaps, he +called them--all that was left for her to do was to see that he could +not help fulfilling them, and that was not to be done by much talking +any more than by little. So she made no further comments on his doings +and, to change the subject, told him she had bought some whisky in the +town yesterday and he had better open the bottle at dinner time. + +The Captain stared for a moment, but quickly recovered from his +astonishment, though not because he recognised that a little whisky at +home was part of a judicious system. He merely thought that his +daughter was going to treat him properly after all, and in spite of +what had been lately said. This idea was a little modified when he +found that, though he drank the whisky, Julia kept the bottle under +lock and key. + +It also seemed that she found a way of enforcing her wishes, or at +least preventing frequent transgressions of them, although, of course, +she was prepared for occasional mishaps. There really was nothing at +the "Dog and Pheasant" that the Captain could put up with even if he +had not been always very short of money--absurdly short even of +coppers--and Julia saw that he was short. There remained nothing for +him but the hospitality of acquaintances, and they did not abound in +Halgrave, the only place within reach; also, as he declared, they were +a stingy lot. The next time he called upon his new friend, the +veterinary surgeon, he was at a loss to understand this; it was unlike +his previous experience of the man and most disagreeably surprising; +he could not think why it should happen. But then he had not seen +Julia set out for Halgrave on the afternoon of the same day that she +explained things to him. She had on all her best clothes, even her +best boots, in spite of the bad roads. She looked trim and dainty as +a Frenchwoman, but there was something about her which suggested +business. + +There are, no doubt, advantages attached to the simple life. It is +decidedly easier to deal with your drawback when you do not have to +pretend it has no existence. You can enlist help from outside if you +can go boldly to veterinary surgeons and others, and say that whisky +is your father's weakness, and would they please oblige and gratify +you by not offering him any. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS STRIATUM, THE GOOD COMRADE + + +The winter wore away; a very long winter, and a very cold one to those +at the cottage who were used to the mild west country. But at last +spring came; late and with bitter winds and showers of sleet, but none +the less wonderful, especially as one had to look to see the tentative +signs of its coming. March in Marbridge used to mean violets and +daffodils, tender green shoots and balmy middays. March here means +days of pale clean light and great sweeping wind which chased grey +clouds across a steely sky, and stirred the lust for fight and freedom +in men's minds and set them longing to be up and away and at battle +with the world or the elements. This restlessness, which those who +have lost it call divine, took possession of Julia that springtime, +and a dissatisfaction with the simple life and its narrow limits beset +her. Surely, she found herself asking, this was not the end of all +things--this cottage to be the limit of her life and ambitions; her +work to grow cabbages and eat them, to keep her father in the paths of +temperance and sobriety, and to make Johnny's closing days happy? The +March winds spoke vaguely of other things; they whispered of the life +she had put from her; the big, wide, moving, thinking, feeling life +which would have been living indeed. Worse, they whispered of the man +who had offered it to her, the man whom her heart told her she would +have made friend and comrade if only circumstances had allowed him to +make her wife. But she thrust these thoughts from her; she had no +choice, she never had a choice; now less if possible than before, +there was no heart-aching decision to make. The work she had taken up +could not be put down; she must go on even if voices stronger and more +real than these wind ones called her out. + +One day the crocuses which Mijnheer had sent came into flower; Julia +thought she had never seen anything so beautiful as the little purple +and golden cups, partly because they had been sent in kindness of +heart, partly, no doubt, because she had grown them herself, and she +had never grown a flower which had its root in the inarticulate joy of +all things at the first flowering of dead brown earth and monotonous +lifeless days. The next event in her calendar, and Johnny's, was the +blooming of the fruit trees. She had seen hillside orchards in the +west country break into a foam of flower--a sight perhaps as beautiful +as any England has to show. But, to her mind, it did not compare with +the sparse white bloom which lay like a first hoar frost on her +crooked trees and showed cold and delicate against the pale blue sky. +After that, nearly every day, there was something fresh and +interesting for Mr. Gillat and Julia, so that the March wind was +forgotten, except in the ill-effect on Captain Polkington with whom it +had disagreed a good deal, both in health and temper. + +That spring, as indeed every spring, there was a flower show in London +at the Temple Gardens. The things exhibited were principally bulb +flowers, ixias, iris, narcissus and the like; the event was +interesting to growers, both professional and amateur. Joost Van +Heigen came over from Holland to attend; he was sent by his father in +a purely business capacity, but of course he was expected, and himself +expected, to enjoy it, too; there would be many novelties exhibited +and many beautiful flowers in which he would feel the sober +appreciative pleasure of the connoisseur. He came to England some days +before the show; he had, besides attending that, to see some important +customers on business, also one or two English growers. + +Now, certain districts of Norfolk are very well suited to the +cultivation of bulbs, so it is not surprising that Joost's business +took him there. And, seeing that he had a Bradshaw and a good map, and +had, moreover, six months ago addressed Julia's box of bulbs to her +nearest railway town, it is not surprising that he found the +whereabouts of the town of Halgrave. It was on Saturday night when he +found it on the map; he was sitting in the coffee-room of a temperance +hotel at the time. He had done business for the day, and, seeing that +the English do not care about working on Sundays, he would probably +have to-morrow as well as to-night free. Julia's town was close--a +short railway journey, then a walk to Halgrave, and then one would be +at her home--it would be a pleasant way of spending the morning of a +spring Sunday. He thought about it a little; he had no invitation to +go and see Julia, and he did not like going anywhere without an +invitation or an express reason. She might not want to see him, or it +might put out her domestic arrangements if he came; he knew domestic +arrangements were subject to such disturbances. He hesitated some +time, though it must be admitted that the fact that he had asked her +to marry him and been refused did not come much into his +consideration. He had not altered his mind about that proposal, and he +did not imagine she had altered hers; his devotion and her +indifference were definite settled facts which would remain as long as +either of them remained, but there was nothing embarrassing in them +to him. At last he decided that he would go, and it was the blue +daffodil which decided him. + +He had never heard what Julia had done with the bulb he had given her. +It was only reasonable to think she had sold it, seeing it was for the +sake of money she had wanted it, but no whisper of any such thing had +reached him or his father. He longed to know about it, to hear the +name of the man who had his treasure; for whom, in all probability, it +was blooming now. It was some connoisseur he was nearly certain; Julia +would not have sold it to another grower. He had not lain any such +condition on her, but she would not have done that; she knew too well +what it meant to him; he never doubted her in that matter, his faith +was of too simple a kind. Still he determined to go and see her, +partly that he might hear the name of the man who bought the blue +daffodil, partly because he wanted to and remembered that Julia, in +the old days, did not seem of the kind to be upset by unexpected +visitors and similar small domestic accidents. + +It was a hot-dinner Sunday at the cottage. These occurred alternately; +on the in between Sundays Julia, supported by Johnny and the Captain, +went to church. On those sacred to hot dinners she stayed at home and +did the cooking, the Captain staying with her. Mr. Gillat used to also +in the winter, but lately, during the spring, he had been induced to +teach in the Sunday school, and now went every Sunday to the village, +first to teach and afterwards to conduct his class to church. + +It was Mr. Stevens, the Rector of Halgrave, who had made this +surprising suggestion to Mr. Gillat. He, good man, had in the course +of time been to see his parishioners at the remote cottage, grinding +along the deep sandy road on his heavy old tricycle; but it was not +during the visit that he thought of Johnny as a teacher; it was when +he made further acquaintance with him at Halgrave. Johnny was the +member of the party who went most often to the village shop; he liked +the expedition, it gave him a feeling of importance; he also liked +gossiping with the woman who kept the shop, and he dearly loved +meeting the village children. On one of these occasions, when Johnny +was engaged in making peace between two little girls--little girls +were his specialty--the rector met him and it was then it occurred to +him that Mr. Gillat might help in the school. It was not much of an +honour, the school was in rather a bad way just now, and boasted no +other teachers than the rector and a raspy-tempered girl of sixteen, +but Johnny was much flattered. He thought he ought to refuse; he was +quite sure he could not teach; the idea of his doing so was certainly +new and strange; he was also sure he was not virtuous enough. But in +the end he was persuaded to try; Julia told him that he might hear the +catechism with an open book, choose the Bible tales he was surest of, +to read and explain, and have his class of little girls to tea very +often. So it came about that Mr. Gillat set out Sunday after Sunday to +school, and if his reading and expounding of the Scriptures was less +in accord with modern light than the traditions that held in the +childhood of the nation, no one minded; the children at Halgrave were +not painfully sharp, and they soon got to love Mr. Gillat with a +friendly lemon-droppish love which was not critical. + +Captain Polkington did not approve of the Sunday-school teaching, +especially on those days when he had to clean the knives. The Sunday +when Joost Van Heigen came was one of these. The Captain watched Mr. +Gillat's preparations with a disgusted face; at last he remarked, "I +wonder if you think you do any good by this nonsense?" + +Johnny, who had got as far as the doorstep, stopped and considered +rather as if the idea had just occurred to him. + +"There must be teachers," he said at length, looking round at the open +landscape; "and there aren't many about." + +"You are a fine teacher!" the Captain sneered. + +Mr. Gillat rubbed his finger along the edge of the Bible he carried. +"I was wild," he confessed; "yes, I was, I don't think--but then the +rector said--and Julia--" + +His meaning was rather obscure, but possibly the Captain followed it +although he did cut him short by saying, "I should never have expected +it of you; if any one had told me that you, one of us, would take to +this sort of thing, I would not have believed it. I mean, if they had +told me in the old days, before things were changed and broken up, +when we were still alive and things moved at a pace--when a man knew +if he were alive or dead and whether it was night or morning." + +"Yes, yes," Johnny said, but not altogether as if he regretted the +passing of those golden days; "things were different then; we didn't +think of it then." + +"Teaching in the Sunday school?" the Captain asked. "Not quite! And if +we had, we shouldn't have thought of coming to it even when we had got +old and foolish." + +Johnny looked uncomfortable and unhappy; then a bright idea occurred +to him. "There wasn't a Sunday school there," he said. "You remember +the hill station?" + +Just then Julia called from the house, "Father, I believe we might +have a dish of turnip tops if you would get them. Johnny, you will be +late if you don't start soon." + +Johnny promptly started, and the Captain, less promptly, sauntered +away to find a basket for the turnip tops, muttering the while +something about people whose religion took the form of going out and +leaving others to do the work. + +But by the time Joost Van Heigen arrived, the Captain was quite +amiable again. He had had a quiet morning with nothing to do after the +turnip tops were brought in and the knives cleaned, and Johnny had had +a long tiring walk home from church in a hot sun and a high wind, +which Captain Polkington felt to be a just dispensation of Providence +to reward those who stopped at home and cleaned knives. Joost arrived +not long after Mr. Gillat; Julia heard the gate click as she was +taking the meat from before the fire. + +"Who is that, Johnny?" she asked. + +Johnny, who had just come down-stairs after taking off his Sunday +coat, looked out of the window. + +"I don't know," he said; "a young man." + +Julia, having deposited the joint on the dish, went to the kitchen +door. "Put the meat where it will keep hot," she said to Johnny; "I +expect it's some one who thinks the last people live here still; +fortunately there is enough dinner." + +She pushed open the unlatched door and saw the visitor going round to +the front. "Joost!" she exclaimed. "Why, Joost, is it really you?" + +She ran down the garden path after him and he, turning just before he +reached the front door, stopped. + +"Good-morning, miss," he said solemnly, removing his hat with a sweep. +"I hope I see you well. I do not inconvenience you--you are perhaps +engaged?" + +"Come in," Julia answered; "I am glad to see you!" + +There was no mistaking the sincerity of her tone; Joost's solemn face +relaxed a little. "You are not occupied?" he said; "I do not disturb +you?" + +"Yes, occupied in dishing up the dinner," Julia said, "which is just +the best of all times for you to have come. Johnny!" she called; +"Johnny, Joost is here." + +Mr. Gillat, who had been carefully placing the dish where the cinders +would fall into it, came to the door. + +"This is Mr. Gillat, a very old friend of mine," Julia explained, and +Joost bowed deeply, offering his hand and saying, "I hope that you are +well, sir." + +Whereupon Mr. Gillat impressed, imitated him as nearly as he could, +and Julia looked away. + +They had dinner in the kitchen on Sundays as well as week days, they +made no difference to-day. Joost looked round him once or twice; he +had never seen a place like this. It was the front kitchen; the +cooking and most of the house-work was done in the back one, a big +barn-like place with doors in all corners. The front one was half a +kitchen and half a sitting-room, warm-coloured, with red-tiled floor +and low ceiling, heavily cross-beamed and hung with herbs and a couple +of hams, in great contrast to the whiteness of the kitchen at the bulb +farm. There were brass and copper pots and pans such as he knew, but +they reflected an open fire, a dirty extravagance unknown to Mevrouw. +Joost glanced at the fire, and it is to be feared that he was at heart +a traitor to his native customs. Then he looked at the open window +where the sunshine streamed in--as was never permitted in Holland--and +he wondered if it really spoilt things very much, and, being a +florist, thought it certainly would spoil the tulips in the mug that +stood on the wide sill. + +During dinner they spoke English for the sake of the Captain and Mr. +Gillat; Joost spoke well, if slowly, with a careful and accurate +precision. He also observed much, both of outside things, as the fact +that Johnny and the Captain cleared the table while Julia sat still, +contrary to Dutch custom. And also of things less on the surface--as +that Julia was head of the household and that Captain Polkington was +not the impressive and authoritative person Mijnheer seemed to think. +Concerning this last fact he made no remark when, on his return home, +he described the ways and customs of Julia's cottage to his parents. +The description served Mevrouw at least, as representative of all +English households ever afterwards. + +When dinner was done and everything cleared up, or rather Julia's +part, she took Joost into the garden. + +"Now," she said in Dutch, "let us come out and talk and look at +things." + +They went out and he began to admire her orderly garden and to tell +her why this plant had done well and that one had failed. He did not +speak of the blue daffodil, he thought he could better ask about that +a little later. She did not speak of it either by name; he and it were +so inseparably connected in her mind. + +"Come along," she said, when he stopped to look into a tulip to see if +its centre was as truly black as it should have been. "Come and see +it." + +He followed her obediently, but asked what it was he was to see. + +"The blue daffodil, of course," she said. + +He stopped dead. "You have got it here?" he exclaimed. "You have not +sold it?" + +"Certainly not." + +"But why--why?" he stared at her in amazement. "You wanted money, it +was for that you wanted the bulb, to sell; you told me so. Do you not +want money now?" + +"Oh, yes," Julia said; "but that is an incurable disease hereditary in +our family." + +"You do want money?" he inquired mystified. "This inheritance is +small, not enough? Why, then, did you not sell the bulb?" + +Julia shrugged her shoulders. "I could not very well," she said. + +"But why not? You thought to do so at one time; your intention was to +sell it if you had--" + +"Stolen it? Yes, that is quite true, and it would not have mattered +then. If I had stolen it I might as well have sold it; one +dishonourable act feels lonely without another; it generally begets +another to keep itself company." + +Joost looked at her uncomprehendingly. "But why," he persisted, +clinging to the one thing he did understand, "why did you not sell it? +It was for that I gave it to you, to do with as you pleased; I knew +you would do only what was right and necessary." + +Julia could have smiled a little at this last word; it seemed as if +even Joost had learnt to temper right with necessity to suit her +dealings, but she only said, "That was one reason why I could not sell +it. You expected me to do right, so I was obliged to do it; faith +begets righteousness as dishonour begets dishonour." + +"I do not quite understand," he began, but she cut him short. + +"No," she said; "we always found it difficult to make things quite +plain, it is no use trying now. Come and see the daffodil, you will +understand that, at all events, and better than I do. It is not quite +fully out yet, but very nearly, and--please don't be disappointed--it +is not a real true blue daffodil at all." + +She took him to the chosen spot and showed him the plant--a bunch of +long narrow leaves rising from the brown earth, and in the midst of +them a single stalk supporting a partly opened flower. In shape it was +single, like the common wild blossom, only much bigger; but in +colour, not blue as was expected, but streaked in irregular unblended +stripes of pure yellow and pure blue. The marking was as hard and +unshaded as that of the old-fashioned brown and yellow tulips which +children call bulls'-eyes, and the effect, though bizarre, was not at +all pretty. Julia did not think it so, and she did not expect any one +else to either; but Joost, when he saw the streaky flower, gave a +little inarticulate exclamation and, dropping on his knees on the +path, lifted the bell reverently so that he might look into it. + +"Ah!" he said softly; "ah, it is beautiful, wonderful!" He looked up, +and Julia, seeing the rapt and humble admiration of his face, forgot +that there was something ludicrous in the sight of a young man +kneeling on a garden path reverently worshipping a striped flower. It +was no abstract admiration of the beautiful, and no cultivated +admiration for the new and strange; it was the love of a man for his +work and appreciation of success in it, even if the success were +another's; also, perhaps, in part, the expression of a deep-seated +national feeling for flowers. + +"Is it what you wished?" Julia asked gently, conscious that she was, +as always, a long way off from Joost. + +"I did not wish it," he said, "because I did not foresee it. No one +could foresee that it would come, though it always might. It is a +novelty, an accident of nature perhaps, but beautiful, wonderful!" + +"Is it a real novelty?" Julia asked. "Just as much as your first blue +daffodil was? Oh, I am glad! Then you have two now." + +"I?" Joost said in surprise. "No, not I; this is yours, not mine; you +have grown it." + +"That's nothing," Julia returned easily; "you gave me the bulb; it is +really your bulb; I only just put it into the ground, I have had +nothing to do with the novelty." + +But if she thought to dispose of the matter in that way she soon found +she was mistaken; there were apparently laws governing bulb growing +which were as inviolable as any governing hereditary titles. The man +who bloomed the bulb was the man who had produced the novelty--if +novelty it was; he could no more make over his rights to another than +a duke could his coronet. In vain Julia protested that it was by the +merest chance that Joost had hit on this particular sort to give her, +that it was only an accident which had prevented him from blooming it +himself. He said that did not matter at all, and when she failed to be +convinced, added that possibly, had he kept the bulb, the result might +not have proved the same; her soil and treatment were doubtless both +different. + +Julia laughed at the idea, saying she knew nothing about soil and +treatment. But she made no impression on Joost and apparently did not +alter the case; the laws of the bulb growers were not only like those +of the "Medes and Persians which alter not," but also refused to be +bent or evaded even by a Polkington. + +"It is yours," Joost said, as he took a last look at the flower before +he rose from his knees; "the great honour is yours, and I am glad of +it." + +There was something in his tone which reminded Julia of that talk they +had had in the little enclosed place on the last day she was at the +bulb farm. She hastily submitted so as to avoid the too personal. +"What am I to do with the honour?" she asked. "I do not know, that is +one reason why it is absurd for me to have it." + +"You must name your flower," he told her; "and then you must exhibit +it. Fortunately you are in time for the show in London." + +"But I can't go to London," Julia said; "it is out of the question for +me to leave home even if I could afford the fare, which I cannot." + +Joost answered there was no need; he could arrange everything for her. +"I can take the daffodil to London with me," he said. "It must be +lifted--you have a flower pot, then it must be tied with care, and it +will travel quite safely." + +"But," Julia objected; "if it is exhibited with my name, and you say +my name as the grower must appear, your father will hear of it and +then he will know that you gave me a bulb--it cannot be exhibited. I +do not care about a certificate of merit or whatever one gets." + +"It must be exhibited," Joost said; "as to my father, he knows +already, I have told him; that does not stand in the way." + +To this Julia had nothing to say; perhaps in her heart she was a +little ashamed because she had suspected him of the half honesty of +only telling what was necessary when it was necessary, that she +herself was likely to have practised in his case. + +"Now you must call your flower a name," he said, "as I called mine +Vrouw Van Heigen." + +"I will call it after you," Julia said. + +But Joost would not have that. "That will not do; the blue daffodil is +already a Van Heigen; there cannot be another, it will make +confusion." + +"Well, I'll call it the honest man, then; that will be you." + +Joost did not like that either; he thought it very unsuitable. "Why +not name it after"--he began; he had meant to say "your father," but +recalling that gentleman, he changed it to--"some one of whom you are +fond." + +[Illustration: "'Now you must call your flower a name,' he said"] + +Julia hesitated. "I like the honest man," she said; "but as you say +it is not suitable, the blue daffodil is really the honest one, this +is too mixed--I shall call it after Johnny; I am fond of him." + +But Joost was romantic; it was only natural with the extreme and +almost childish simplicity of his nature there should be some romance, +and there was nothing to satisfy that sentiment in Mr. Gillat. +"Johnny?" he said; "yes, but it is not very pretty; it does not +suggest a beautiful flower. Why not call it after the heroine of some +book or a friend or comrade? Perhaps"--Joost was only human--"he with +whom you went walking on the Dunes." + +"Him?" Julia said. "I never thought of that. He was a friend +certainly, and a good comrade; he tried hard to get me out of that +scrape; he would have stood by me if I had let him--the same as you +did--you were both comrades to me then. I tell you what, shall I call +it 'The Good Comrade?' Then it would be after you both and Johnny too; +Johnny would certainly stand by me through thick and thin, share his +last crust with me, or father, give me the whole of it. Yes, we will +call the daffodil 'The Good Comrade,' and it shall have three +godfathers." + +With this Joost was satisfied, even though he had to share what honour +there was with two others. Mr. Gillat, of course, when he was told, +was much pleased; he even found he was now able to admire the +wonderful flower, though before, he had agreed with Julia's opinion of +it. To Captain Polkington not much was said about it. + +"Johnny," Julia said, as they stood watching Joost pot the bulb, "you +are not to tell father how valuable this is. He will find out quite +soon enough; people are sure to bother me to sell it after it has been +exhibited, and I am not going to." + +"No," Johnny said; "of course not, naturally not." + +So Captain Polkington had no idea why Joost carried away a carefully +tied-up flower pot when he left the cottage that afternoon. He only +thought the young man must have a most remarkable enthusiasm for +flowers to so burden himself on a long walk. + + * * * * * + +And in due time the wonderful streaked daffodil, "Narcissus Triandrus +Striatum, The Good Comrade," grown by Miss Snooks of White's Cottage, +Halgrave, was exhibited at the Temple Show. And bulb growers, +professional and amateur, waxed enthusiastic over it. And the general +public who went to the show, admired it or not, as their taste and +education allowed them. And among the general public who went, was a +Miss Lillian Farham, a girl who, last September, had travelled north +with carnations in her coat and Rawson-Clew in a corner of the railway +carriage. Miss Farham was an enthusiastic gardener, and having means +and leisure and a real taste for it, she had some notable successes in +the garden of her beautiful home; and when she was in town she never +missed an opportunity of attending a good show, seeing something new, +and learning what she could. She was naturally much interested in the +new streaked daffodil; so much so, that she spoke of it afterwards, +not only to those people who shared her taste, but also to at least +one who did not. + +Rawson-Clew was back in London. He had not been back long, but already +he had begun the preliminaries of a search for Mr. Gillat. He decided +that it would be easier to find him than Julia, who might possibly +have changed her name to oblige her family, and who certainly would be +better able to hide herself, if she had a mind to, than Mr. Gillat. He +had not as yet been able to devote many days to the search, and had +got no further than preliminaries; still he could already see that it +was not going to be easy and might possibly be long. He did not go to +the show of spring flowers; he did not feel the least interest in it, +but when by chance he met Lillian Farham she spoke of it to him and +also of the new daffodil. + +"It was grown at Halgrave, too," she said; "that is not so very far +from your part of Norfolk, is it?" + +"Fifteen or twenty miles," Rawson-Clew answered. + +"Is it so much as that?" she said; "I thought it was nearer; of +course, then, you can't tell me anything about the grower." + +He could not; it is probable even if the place had been much nearer, +he still could not, seeing that it was some years since he had been to +"his part of Norfolk." However, he gave polite attention to Miss +Farham, who went on to describe the wonderful flower of mixed yellow +and blue. + +"Blue?" Rawson-Clew's interest became more real; he had once heard of +blue in connection with a daffodil. It was one evening on a long flat +Dutch road--the evening he had tied Julia's shoe. She had spoken of +it, she had begun to say, when he stopped the confession that he +thought she would afterwards regret, that she could not take the blue +daffodil. + +"What is the name?" he asked; he meant of the grower in Norfolk, +though he would have been puzzled to say why he asked. + +Miss Farham, however, mistook his meaning and thought he was asking +about the flower. "'The Good Comrade,'" she said, and fortunately she +did not see his surprise. "Rather quaint, is it not?" she went on. +"Easier to remember, too, than some obscure grand duchess, or the name +of the grower or his wife after whom new flowers are usually called. +The blue daffodil, you know, is called after one of the grower's +relatives--Vrouw Van Heigen." + +Rawson-Clew said "Yes," though he did not know it before. It struck +him as interesting now; the Van Heigens had a blue daffodil then, and +Julia went to them for some purpose besides earning a pittance as +companion. She had not taken a blue daffodil; she said so; she also +said at another time she had failed in the object of her coming and +that failure and success would have been alike discreditable. Poor +Julia! And now here was some one in Norfolk exhibiting a daffodil of +mixed blue and yellow called, by a strange coincidence, "The Good +Comrade." Of course, it was only a coincidence and yet, when reason is +not helping as much as it ought, one is inclined to take notice of +signs and coincidences. + +"What is the name of the grower of this new flower?" Rawson-Clew +asked. + +Miss Farham told him. + +"Snooks," he repeated thoughtfully; she imagined he was trying to +remember if he had heard the name before. He was not; he was wondering +if any one ever really started in life with such a name; if, rather, +it did not sound more like the pseudonym of one who was indifferent to +public credence, and possibly public opinion. + +Rawson-Clew was not able to tell Miss Farham anything about the grower +of the streaked daffodil; he was obliged to own that he had never +heard of her before. But he made it his business to find out what he +could in the shortest possible time; this he did not mention to Miss +Farham. What he discovered did not amount to much, very little in +fact, but such as it was, it was enough to bring him to Halgrave. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +BEHIND THE CHOPPING-BLOCK + + +Captain Polkington, Johnny and Julia were busy in the garden. It was a +fine afternoon following after two or three wet days and the ground +was in splendid condition for planting, also for sticking to clothes. +The sandy road to Halgrave dried quickly, but the garden, of heavier +soil, did not, as was testified by Julia's boots--she had bought a +small pair of plough-boy's boots that spring and was wearing them now, +very pleased with the investment. By and by the sound of a motor broke +the silence; the Captain and Johnny left off work to listen; at least, +Johnny did; the Captain was hardly in a position to leave off, seeing +that he was off most of his time. + +"It sounds like a motor-car," Johnny said, as if he had made a +discovery. + +"Then it must have lost its way," Julia answered, giving all her +attention to her cabbage plants. + +Johnny said "Yes." It certainly seemed likely enough; the ubiquitous +motor-car went everywhere certainly; even, it was possible to imagine, +to remote and uninteresting Halgrave. But along the ill-kept sandy +road which led to White's Cottage and nowhere else, none had been yet, +nor was it in the least likely that one would ever come except by +accident. + +The sounds drew nearer. "It certainly is coming this way," the +Captain said; "I will go and explain the mistake to the people." + +The Captain went to the gate; but he did not stop there, nor did he +explain anything. His eyesight, never having been subjected to strain +or over work, was good, and the car, owing to the loose nature of the +road, was not coming very fast; he saw it had only one occupant, a man +who seemed familiar to him. For a second the Captain stared, then he +turned and went into the house in surprising haste. He had not the +least idea what had brought this man here; indeed, when he came to +think about it, he was sure it must have been some mistake about the +road. But he had no desire to explain; he felt he was not the person +to do so, seeing that the last (and first) time he had seen the man +was in an unpleasant interview at Marbridge. He connected several +painful things, humiliation, undeserved epithets, and so on, with that +interview and with the face of Rawson-Clew. Accordingly, he went into +the house and waited, and the car came nearer and stopped. + +Johnny and Julia went on with their work; they imagined the Captain +was talking to the strangers; they had no idea of his discreet +withdrawal until Julia came round the corner of the house to fetch a +trowel, and saw Rawson-Clew coming up the path. + +Julia's first feeling was blank amazement, but being a Polkington, and +being that before she took to the simple life and its honest ways, she +allowed nothing more than polite surprise to appear. + +"Why!" she said, "I had no idea you were anywhere near here." + +"I had no idea that you were until recently," he returned. + +She wondered how recently; if it was this minute when chance brought +her for the trowel--very likely it was, and he was here by accident. + +"Have you lost your way?" she inquired. + +"Not to-day." + +"Where were you trying to go?" + +"White's Cottage." + +"Oh!" she said. He did not look amused, but she felt as if he were, +and clearly it was not accident that had brought him. + +"How did you know I was here?" she asked. "There are not many people +who could have told you. I have retired, you know." + +He settled his eyeglass carefully in the way she remembered, and +looked first at the cottage and then at her. "I observe the +retirement," he said; "but the corduroy?" + +"I am wearing out my old clothes first," she answered. + +Just then Johnny's voice was heard. "Hadn't I better water the +plants?" it asked. Next moment Mr. Gillat came in sight carrying a big +water can. "Julia hadn't I better--" he began, then he saw the +visitor. + +"Ah, Mr. Gillat," Rawson-Clew said. "How are you? I am glad to see you +again; last time I called at Berwick Street you were not there." + +Johnny set down the water can. "Glad to see you," he said beaming; +"very glad, very glad, indeed"--he would have been pleased to see +Rawson-Clew anywhere if for no other reason than that he had shown an +interest in Julia's welfare. + +Meanwhile Captain Polkington sat in the kitchen listening for the +sound of the departing motor. But it did not come; everything was +still except for the ceaseless singing of larks, to which he was so +used now that it had come almost to seem like silence. He began to +grow uneasy; what if, after all, Rawson-Clew were not here by accident +and mistake. What if he had come on some wretched and uncomfortable +business? The Captain could not think of anything definite, but that, +he felt, did not make it impossible. The man certainly had not gone, +he must be staying talking to Julia. Well, Julia could talk to him, +she was more fit to see the business through than her father was. +There was some comfort in this thought, but it did not last long, for +just then the silence was broken, there was a sound of steps, not +going down the path to the gate, but coming towards the kitchen door! +The Captain rose hastily--it was too bad of Julia, too bad! He was not +fit for these shocks and efforts; he was not what he used to be; the +terrible cold of the winter in this place had told on his rheumatism, +on his heart. He crossed the room quickly. The door which shut in the +staircase banged as that of the big kitchen was pushed open. + +"You had better take your boots off here, Johnny," Julia said; "you +have got lots of mud on them." + +She took off her own as she spoke, slipping out of them without having +much trouble with the laces. Rawson-Clew watched her, finding a +somewhat absurd satisfaction in seeing her small arched feet free of +the clumsy boots. + +"Are not your stockings wet?" he said. + +"No," she answered; "not a bit." + +"Are you quite sure? I think they must be." + +"No, they are not; are they, Johnny?" She stood on one foot and put +the other into Mr. Gillat's hand. + +Johnny felt it carefully, giving it the same consideration that a wise +housekeeper gives to the airing of sheets, then he gave judgment in +favour of Julia. + +"I was right, you see," she said; "they are quite dry." + +She looked up as she spoke, and met Rawson-Clew's eyes; there was +something strange there, something new which brought the colour to her +face. She went quickly into the other kitchen and began to get the +tea. + +Johnny came to help her, and the visitor offered his assistance, too. +Julia at once sent the latter to the pump for water, which she did not +want. When he came back she had recovered herself, had even abused +herself roundly for imagining this new thing or misinterpreting it. +There was no question of man and woman between her and Rawson-Clew; +there never had been and never could be (although he had asked her to +marry him). It was all just impersonal and friendly; it was absurd or +worse to think for an instant that he had another feeling, had any +feeling at all--any more than she. And again she abused herself, +perhaps because it is not easy to be sure of feelings, either your own +or other people's, even if you want to, and it certainly is not easy +to always want what you ought. Moreover, there was a difference; it +was impossible to overlook it, she felt in herself or him, or both. +She had altered since they parted at the Van Heigens', perhaps grown +to be a woman. After all she was a woman, with a great deal of the +natural woman in her, too, he had said--and he was a man, a gentleman, +first, perhaps, polished and finished, her senior, her superior--yet a +man, possibly with his share of the natural man, the thing on which +one cannot reckon. Just then the kettle boiled and she made the tea. + +"Where is father?" she asked; and Mr. Gillat went to look for him. + +"He is up-stairs," he said when he came back; "he does not feel well, +he says, not the thing; he'll have tea up there; I'll take it." + +Julia looked at Rawson-Clew and laughed. "He does not feel equal to +facing you," she said. + +"Yes, yes," Johnny added, "that's it; that's what he says--I +mean"--suddenly realising what he was saying--"he does not feel equal +to facing strangers." + +"Mr. Rawson-Clew is not a stranger," Julia answered; she took a +perverse delight in recalling the beginning of the acquaintance which +she knew quite well was better ignored. "How odd," she said, turning +to Rawson-Clew, "that father should have forgotten you, just as you +told me you had forgotten him and all about the time when you saw +him." + +"I expect he regarded the matter as trivial and unimportant, just as I +did," Rawson-Clew answered; "though if I told you I had forgotten all +about it I made a mistake; I can hardly say that; I remember some +details quite plainly; for instance, your position--you stood between +your father and me--very much as you did between me and the Van +Heigens." + +"I did not!" Julia said hotly, pouring the tea all over the edge of +the cup; "I didn't stand between you and the Van Heigens. I mean--" + +"Allow me!" Rawson-Clew moved the cup so that she poured the tea into +it and not the saucer. + +"Dear, dear!" Johnny said; he had not the least idea what they were +talking about, but he fancied that one or both must be annoyed, +perhaps by the upsetting of the tea; he could think of nothing else. +"Such a mess," he said; "and such a waste. Is the cup ready? Shall I +take it up-stairs?" + +"No, thank you," Julia said; "I will take it." + +Rawson-Clew did not seem to mind, and Julia, after she had lingered a +little with her father, decided to come down again. If she stayed +away she knew perfectly well that Johnny would do nothing but talk +about her; moreover it was absurd to be put out because Rawson-Clew +could answer better than Mr. Gillat; that was one of the reasons for +which she had liked him. + +Captain Polkington sipped his tea and ate his bread and butter +peacefully. Julia had told him Mr. Rawson-Clew would not be staying +long; she had not exactly said why he was come, it seemed rather as if +she did not know; but apparently nothing unpleasant had happened so +far and he would be going soon, directly after tea no doubt. So the +Captain sat contentedly and listened for the sound of going, but he +did not hear it; they were a very long time over tea, he thought. + +They were; two of them were purposely spinning it out, the third was +only a happy chorus. Julia was in no hurry to face the questions about +the explosive which she feared must come when Johnny's restraining +presence was removed. She knew, as soon as she was sure Rawson-Clew's +coming was design and not accident, that he must have suspected her; +he had come to talk about it and he would do so as soon as he got the +chance, so she put it off. And he was quite willing to wait too; he +was enjoying the present moment with a curious light-hearted enjoyment +much younger than his years. And he was enjoying the future moment, +too, in anticipation, albeit he was a little shy of it--he did not +quite know how he was to close with the garrison in the citadel even +though he might have taken all the outposts. + +But at last tea was done and the table cleared and all the things +taken to the outer kitchen to be washed. Julia decreed that she and +Johnny were to do that, then unthinkingly she sent her assistant for a +tea-cloth. Rawson-Clew was standing by the doorway when Johnny passed; +he followed him out. + +"Mr. Gillat, your plants want watering," he said, quietly but +decisively. + +"They do, they do," Johnny agreed; "I will have to do them by and by." + +"Do them now, it is getting late." + +"It is," Mr. Gillat admitted; "we were late with tea, but there's the +drying of the cups." + +"I will do that." + +Johnny hesitated; Julia's wish was his law, still there seemed no harm +in the exchange; anyhow, without quite knowing how it happened, he +soon afterwards found himself in the garden among the water cans. + +Rawson-Clew went back to the outer kitchen. Julia looked round as she +heard his step, and seeing that he was alone, recognised the +manoeuvre and the arrival of the inevitable hour. + +"Well," she said, coming to the point in a business-like way now that +it was unavoidable; "what is it you want?" + +"I want to know several things," he said, shutting the door. +"Principally why you called your daffodil 'The Good Comrade?'" + +"The daffodil!" she repeated in frank amazement; she was completely +surprised, and for once she did not attempt to hide it. + +"Yes," Rawson-Clew said; "why did you call it 'The Good Comrade?'" + +Julia began to recover herself and also her natural caution. This was +not the question she expected, but the rogue in her made her wary even +of the seemingly simple and safe. "I called it after three friends," +she said, "who were good comrades to me--you, Johnny and Joost Van +Heigen. Why do you ask?" + +"Because I wondered if it was a case of telepathy; I also named +something 'The Good Comrade.'" + +"You?" she said. "What did you name? Was it a dog?" + +"No, a bottle--small, wide-necked, stopper fastened with a piece of +torn handkerchief, about two-thirds full of a white powder!" + +Julia had begun washing the cups; she did her best to betray no sign, +and really she did it very well; her eyelids flickered a little and +her breath came rather quickly, nothing more. + +"Why did you name it?" she asked. "It is rather odd to do so, isn't +it?" + +"I named it after the person who gave it to me." + +Julia's breath came a little quicker; she forgot to remark that the +same reason had helped her in naming her flower; she was busy asking +herself if he meant her by the good comrade. + +"Perhaps I did not exactly name my bottle," he went on to say, "but it +stood for the person to me. It was a sort of physical manifestation--rather +a grotesque one, perhaps--of a spiritual presence which had not really left +me since a certain sunny morning last year." + +"That is very interesting," Julia managed to say; her native caution +had not misled her; the innocently beginning talk had taken a devious +way to the expected end. + +"It was interesting," Rawson-Clew said, "but not quite satisfying, at +least not to the natural man. He is not content with a manifestation +any more than with a spiritual presence; he wants a corporal fact." + +Julia looked up; the talk was taking an unforseen turn that she did +not quite follow, so she looked up. And then she read something in his +face that set her heart beating, that made her afraid, less perhaps of +him than of herself, and the thrill that ran like fire through her +body. + +"I don't quite understand," she said, and dropped a cup. + +It was meant to fall on the flagged floor and break; it would create a +diversion, and picking up the pieces would give her time to get used +to the suffocating heart-beats. She had enough of the Polkington +self-mastery left to think of the manoeuvre and its advisability, +but not enough to carry it out properly; the cup fell on the +doubled-up tea-cloth that lay at her feet and was not broken at all. +Nevertheless the incident and her own contempt for her failure +steadied her a little. + +Rawson-Clew picked up the cup. "Do you not understand," he said. "It +is quite simple; I have put it to you before, too--not in the same +words, but it comes to the same--the plain terms used then were--will +you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" + +Julia's heart seemed to stop for a second, then it went on heavily as +before, but she only asked, "Did you not get my letter, the one I +wrote in Holland about that?" + +"The one when you told me of your arrangements? By the way you did not +mention that you were going to Van de Greutz's for the explosive, yes, +I got that, but it was scarcely an answer." + +"I explained that it meant 'no.'" + +"In a postscript; you cannot answer a proposal of marriage in a +postscript." + +There really does not seem sufficient ground to justify this +statement, still she did not combat it. "Can't I?" she said. "Then I +will answer it now--no. It was good of you to offer, generous and +honourable, but, of course, I should not accept. I mean, I could not +even if there had been any need, and, as you see, there was not a +particle of need then, still less now." + +"No need, no," he answered, and there was a new note in his voice; +"it is not a case of necessity or anything of the sort. Put all that +nonsense of justice and honour and gratitude out of the question, you +know that it does not come in. I own it did weigh somewhat then, but +now--now I want the good comrade; I don't deserve her, or a tithe of +what she has done for me, but I can't do without her--herself, the +corporal fact--don't you know that?" + +"No," Julia said; somehow it was all she could say. + +"You don't know it? Then I'll tell you." But he did not for she +prevented him. + +"Please don't," she said. "You cannot really want me because you do +not really know me. Oh, no, you do not!" + +"I think I do; I know enough to begin with; the rest of the ignorance +you can remedy at your leisure." + +"My leisure is now," she said; "I will tell you several things, I will +tell you how I got the explosive. I went as a cook and stole like a +thief--you could have got it as easily as I if you would have stooped +as readily as I did. You admire that? Perhaps so, now, but you would +not if you had seen it being done. That is the sort of thing I do, and +I will tell you the sort of thing I like. The day I came home from +Holland I did what I liked--as soon as I reached London I went to +Johnny Gillat, my dear old friend, who I love better than any one else +in the world, and we had a supper of steak and onions in a back +bedroom, and we enjoyed it--you see what my tastes are? Afterwards I +heard how father had taken to drink and mother had got into debt--you +see what a nice family we are?" + +But here Rawson-Clew stopped her. "I knew something like this before," +he said; "the details are nothing; I do not see what it has to do with +the matter." + +"It ought to have a lot," she answered. "But even if you do know it +and a good deal more and realise it too, which is a different thing, +there is still the other side. I don't know you, I don't even know +your name." + +Then he remembered that he must have signed that offer of marriage, as +he signed all letters, and so left himself merely "H. F. Rawson-Clew" +to her. + +"You see," she was saying, "it is a mistake for people who don't know +each other very well to marry, they would always be getting unpleasant +surprises afterwards. Besides, it would be so uncomfortable; it must +be pretty bad to live at close quarters with some one you were--who +you didn't know very well, with whom you minded about things." + +She had touched on something that did matter now, that might matter +very much indeed; Rawson-Clew realised it, and realised with a start +of pain, that there might be a great gulf between him and the good +comrade after all. Her quick intuitions and perceptions had bridged it +over and led him to forget that he was a man of years and experience +while she was a girl, a young, shy, half-wild thing, veiled, and +fearing to draw the veil for his experienced eyes. + +"Tell me," he said, facing her and looking very grave and old, "is +that how you feel about me?" + +She fidgeted the tea-cloth with her foot, but being a Polkington, she +was able to answer something. "We belong to different lots of people," +she said, examining the shape the thing had taken on the floor; "I +have got my life here, working in my garden and so on; and you have +got yours a long way off among greater things." + +"You have not answered me," he said. "Tell me--am I the man you +described?" + +He turned her so that she could look at him, the thing she dared not +do. His touch was light, almost momentary, but it was too much, it +thrilled through her wildly, irresistibly, and she drew back fearing +to do anything else. + +"Don't!" she said, and her voice was sharp with the anger of pain. + +He stepped back a pace. "Thank you," he said; "I am answered." + +Captain Polkington had been dozing; there really was nothing else to +do; but suddenly he was aroused; there was a sound below; the motor +moving at last. Yes, it was going, really going; he went to the window +and, taking care not to be seen, watched the car go down the sandy +road. After that he went down-stairs, and finding Johnny, who had +finished his watering, persuaded him to come for a stroll on the +heath. They took a basket to bring home anything they might find, and +shouted news of their intention to Julia, who did not answer, then set +out. + +Now, in the present state of their development, motors are not things +on which a man can always rely. More especially is this the case when +any one like Mr. Gillat has had anything to do with them. The obliging +Johnny, had arranged the inside of Rawson-Clew's car, covering up what +he thought might be hurt by the sun and blowing sand while it stood at +the roadside, and taking into the house when he went in to tea, +anything that could be stolen if--as was quite out of the +question--one came that way with a mind to steal. Johnny had brought +back most of the things and replaced them before Rawson-Clew started, +but not quite all. When the car had got a little distance down the +road it, with a perversity worthy of a reasonable being, developed a +need for the forgotten item. Rawson-Clew searched for it, could not +find it, discovered that he could not get on without it, and, +thinking if not saying something not very complimentary about Mr. +Gillat, walked back to the cottage. + +He supposed he would find Johnny in the garden, but he did not; he and +the Captain were some way out on the heath now, and, fortunately for +the latter's peace, neither saw any one approach the cottage. +Rawson-Clew looked round the garden and finding no one decided, rather +reluctantly, that he must go to the house. He did not want to meet +Julia again; he thought it rather unlikely that she should still be in +the kitchen, but there was a chance of it, so he approached with a +view to reconnoitering before presenting himself. The outer kitchen, +which partook rather of the nature of a wash-house, had a large +unglazed window; when he drew near to this he heard a noise from +within. It sounded like some one sobbing, not quiet sobs, but slow +deep spasmodic ones like the last remains of a tempest of tears which +has not spent itself but only been imperfectly suppressed by sheer +will. Rawson-Clew paused though possibly he had no business to do so. + +"Oh, why," one wailed from within, "why is not father dead? If he were +dead--if only he had been dead!" + +The unglazed window was large and rather high up, but Rawson-Clew was +a man of fair height; he was also usually considered an honourable +one, but when he heard the voice, saying something which was plainly +only meant for the hearing of Omnipotence, he did not go away. He put +his hands on the flintwork of the window-sill and in a moment found +himself in the twilight of the unceiled kitchen. + +Julia was crouching in a corner, her elbows on the old chopping-block, +her face hidden on her tightly-clenched hands, while she struggled +angrily with the shaking sobs. For a moment she struggled, then +mastered herself somehow and looked up, perhaps because she meant to +rise and set about her work. She had been crying hard and tears do not +improve the average face, certainly they did not hers; and she had +been trying hard to stop, cramming a screwed-up handkerchief into her +eyes and that did not improve matters either. One would have said her +face could have expressed nothing but the extremity of unbecoming woe, +yet when she caught sight of Rawson-Clew standing just under the +window it changed extraordinarily and to anger. + +"Go away!" she said; "go away! Do you hear?" + +Rawson-Clew did not go away; he came nearer and Julia drew further +into the corner, ensconsing herself behind the chopping-block, and +looking about as inviting of approach as a trapped rat. + +"Julia," he said. + +"Go away!" was her only answer. + +"Why did you send me away?" + +"Because I wanted you gone." + +"Because Captain Polkington is not dead? Is that it?" + +"You are a dishonourable eavesdropper! No, it wasn't that." + +He sat down on the chopping-block barricading her corner so that she +could not get out without stepping over him. "Do you know it strikes +me that you are not strictly honest either, at least not strictly +truthful just now." + +Julia tugged at her skirt; the chopping-block was on the hem and he on it +so that she could not get free. "Will you please go," she said, with a +catch in her breath. That is the worst of these half-suppressed, unspent +storms of tears, they have such a tendency to return and break out again +inconveniently. + +"If it were not for Captain Polkington would you have sent me away?" +he asked. + +"Y--e--s," she answered, fighting with her tears. "Oh, go! Please, +please go!" + +She crumpled herself into a small miserable heap and he leaned over +the block and drew her into his arms. + +For a moment she struggled, burrowing her head into his coat; there +was a good deal of burrowing and not much struggling. "No, you +wouldn't," he said to her hair, "you would have married me." + +"I might have said I would, but I shouldn't really have done it," she +contended without looking up. "I shouldn't when it came to the point. +You had better let me go, I am spoiling your coat, my face is all +wet--and I don't know where my handkerchief is." + +"Take mine, you will find it somewhere. Tell me, why would you not +have married me when it came to the point? Because your courage failed +you?" + +No answer; then, "I can't find that handkerchief." + +"You have not tried. Are you afraid to try? Are you afraid of me? Is +that why you would not have married me--you would have been afraid to +live at close quarters with me? Do you still think you don't know me +well enough?" + +"I don't know your name." + +The answer was ridiculous, but he knew how the ridiculous touched even +tragedies for Julia. + +"Hubert Farquhar Rawson-Clew," he said solemnly. "Now--" + +But whatever was to have followed was prevented, for at that moment +she looked up, and for some reason, suddenly decided things had gone +far enough, and so freed herself. + +"I don't think it matters much what I should have done," she said, "or +why, either. Father is not dead; you ought to know better than to talk +about such a thing; it is bad taste." + +"Does that matter in the simple life? I thought when you retired you +were going to dispense with falsity and pretences, and say and do +honestly what you honestly thought, when it did not hurt other +people's feelings." + +"So I do," she answered; "that is why, when I thought I was alone just +now, I asked out loud how it was that father was still alive. Since +then I have seen." + +"What have you seen?" + +"That it is to prevent me from making a great muddle of things. If he +had been dead I dare say I should have married you--I may as well +confess it since you know--and we both should have repented it ever +afterwards. As it is, if I were free to-morrow, I would know better +than to do it." + +He did not seem much troubled by the last statement. "We should have +had to talk things over," he said. + +"No, talking wouldn't have been any good," she answered; "there is a +great distance between us." + +He looked down at the space of red tiles that separated them. "That is +rather remediable," he observed. + +"Do you think I am not in earnest?" she said. "I am. There is a real +barrier; besides all these things I have mentioned there is something +else that cuts me off. I have a debt to pay you and until it is paid, +if I were your own cousin, I could not stand on the same platform." + +"A debt?" he repeated the word in surprise. His young cousin's loan to +Captain Polkington had slipped his memory, and even if it had not, its +connection with the present would not have occurred to him. Julia had +been there, it is true, when the affair was talked of eighteen months +ago, and he himself had unofficially paid the money to end the matter, +but he never dreamed of connecting either her or himself with it now. +Still less would he have dreamed that she considered herself bound to +pay him what her father had borrowed from another. + +"What debt?" he asked, thinking the word must be hyperbolical, and +meant to stand for something quite different, though he could not +imagine what. + +"You have forgotten?" she said. "I thought you had; that only shows +the distance more plainly; you have one standard for yourself and +another for me." + +"Tell me what it is and let us see if we cannot compound it." + +But she shook her head. "It can't be compounded," she said; "you will +know when I pay it." + +"And when will that be?" + +"Ten years, twenty perhaps, I don't know. I thought once or twice +before I could pay it--with the blue daffodil once, and once when I +first got the cottage and things--I thought, to be sure, I could do +it; it seemed a Heaven-sent way. But"--with a little glint of +self-derision--"Heaven knows better than to send those sort of easy +ways to the Polkingtons; they are ill-conditioned beasts who only +behave when they are properly laden by fate, and not often then. Now +you know all about it, so won't you say good-bye and go?" + +"I don't know about it and, what is more, I don't care. I am not going +to let this unknown trifle, this scruple--" + +Just then there came the sound of voices outside; Mr. Gillat and +Captain Polkington unwarily coming back before the coast was clear. + +"Yes," Johnny was saying, "he came to see me in town, you know--or +rather you, but you were out--" + +"He came to see me? He"--there was no mistaking the consternation in +the Captain's tone, nor his meaning either. + +Julia and Rawson-Clew looked at one another; both had forgotten the +Captain's existence for a moment; now they were reminded, and though +the reminder seemed incongruous it was perhaps opportune. + +"There is father," Julia said. + +And he nodded. One cannot make love to a man's daughter almost in his +presence, when the proviso of his death is an essential to any +satisfaction. Rawson-Clew went to the door. "Good-bye," he said, "for +the present." + +"Good-bye for always," she answered. + +She spoke quite calmly, in much the same tone when, on the morning +after the excursion to the Dunes, she had bid him good-bye and tried +to face the consequences alone. She had had so many tumbles with fate +that it seemed she knew how to take them now with an indifferent face. +At least, nearly always, not quite--the wood block still lay before +the corner in which she had crouched the marks on his coat where her +tears had fallen were hardly dry. There was passion and to spare +behind the indifferent face, passion that for once at least had broken +through the self-mastery. + +He held out his hand and she put hers into it. "Good-bye," he +repeated; "good-bye for the present, brave little comrade." + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +CAPTAIN POLKINGTON + + +Captain Polkington was watching a pan of jam. It was the middle of the +day and warm; too warm to be at work out of doors, as Johnny was, at +least so the Captain thought. He also thought it too warm to watch jam +in the back kitchen and that occupation, though it was the cooler of +the two, had the further disadvantage of being beneath his dignity. +The dignity was suffering a good deal; was it right, he asked himself, +that he, the man of the house, should have the menial task of watching +jam while Julia talked business with some one in the parlour? He did +not know what business this person had come on; he had seen him arrive +a few minutes back, had even heard his name--Mr. Alexander Cross--but +that was all he knew about him; Julia had taken him into the parlour +and shut the door. Naturally her father felt it and was annoyed. + +There was a door leading into the parlour from the front kitchen. It +was fast closed but the Captain, leaving the jam to attend to itself, +went and looked at it. While he was standing there he heard three +words spoken on the other side by the visitor; they were--"your new +daffodil." + +So that was the business this man had come on! He was trying to buy +Julia's ugly streaked flower. The Captain's weak mouth set straight; +he felt very strongly about the daffodil and his daughter's refusal +to sell it. He knew she might have done so; she had had a good many +letters about it since it was exhibited in London. She said little +about the offers they contained, but he knew she refused them all; he +had taxed her with it and argued the question to no purpose. Now, +to-day, it seemed there was a man so anxious to buy the thing that he +had actually come to see her; and she, of course, would refuse again. +The Captain sat down in the easy-chair; he was overcome by the thought +of Julia's contrary stupidity. + +The chair was near the door, but he would have scouted the idea that +he was listening; he was a man of honour, and why should he wish to +hear Julia refuse good money? Also it was impossible to hear all that +was said unless the speakers were close to the door. Apparently they +must have been near for no sooner had he sat down than he heard the +man say, "Haven't I had the pleasure of seeing you somewhere before, +Miss Snooks? Your face seems familiar though I can't exactly locate +it." + +"We met at Marbridge," Julia answered; "at a dance, a year and a half +ago." + +"At Marbridge? Oh, of course! Funny I shouldn't have remembered when I +heard your name the other day!" + +Captain Polkington did not think it at all funny; he did not know who +Mr. Cross might be, nobody important he judged by his voice and +manner--hostesses at Marbridge often had to import extra nondescript +men for their dances. But whoever he was, if he had been there once he +might go there again and carry with him the tale of Julia's doings and +home and other things detrimental to the Polkington pride. The Captain +listened to hear one of the two in the other room refer to the change +of name which had prevented an earlier recognition. But neither did; +she saw no reason for it, and he had forgotten her original name if he +ever knew it. + +"I remember all about you now," he was saying; "you danced with me +several times and asked me about the Van Heigens' blue daffodil"--he +paused as if a new idea had occurred to him. "You were not in the line +then, I suppose?" he asked. + +"No, I knew nothing about flower growing or selling," she answered. +"What you told me of the value of the blue daffodil was a revelation +to me." + +He laughed a little. "But one you'll try to profit by," he said. + +The Captain moved in his chair. He could have groaned aloud at the +words, which represented precisely what Julia would not do. +Unfortunately his movement had much the same effect as his groan would +have done, some one on the other side of the door moved too, and in +the opposite direction. It must have been Julia, her father was sure +of it; it was like her to do it; she must have gone almost to the +window; he could not make out what was said. The man was no doubt +trying to buy the bulb; a stray word here and there indicated that, +but it was impossible to hear what offer was made. It was equally +impossible to hear what Julia said; her father only caught the +inflection of her voice, but he was sure she was refusing. + +In disgust and anger he rose and, having pulled the jam to the side of +the fire, went into the garden. There he took the hoe and started +irritably to work on a bed near the front door; it was some relief to +his feelings to scratch the ground since he could not scratch anything +else. + +In a little while Cross came out. "Well, if you won't, you won't," he +was saying as Julia opened the door. "I think you are making a +mistake; in fact, if you weren't a lady I should say you were acting +rather like a fool; but, of course, you must please yourself. If you +think better of it you can always write to me. Just name the price, a +reasonable price, that's all you need do. We understand one another, +and we can do business without any fuss--you have my address?" + +He gave her a card as he spoke, although she assured him she should +not want it; then he took his leave. + +She watched him go, tearing up the card when he had set off down the +road. Captain Polkington watched her. + +"What did he want?" he asked, remembering that he was not supposed to +know. + +"The bulb," she answered. + +"And you would not sell it?" + +"No." + +She had come from the doorstep now to pull up some weeds he had +overlooked. + +"I can't understand you, Julia," he said resting on his hoe, and +speaking as much in sorrow as in anger. "You seem to have so little +sense of honour--women so seldom have--but I should have thought that +you would have had a lesson on the necessity, the obligation of paying +debts. When you come to think of the efforts we are making to pay +those debts, how I am straining every nerve, giving almost the whole +of my income, doing without everything but the barest necessaries, +without some things that are necessaries in my state of health, what +your mother is doing, how she has given up her home, her husband, to +live almost on charity in her son-in-law's house. When you think of +all that, I say, and of what your sisters have done, it does seem +strange that you should grudge this bulb, simply and solely because it +was given you by some people for whom you care nothing." + +Julia agreed; she never saw the purpose of contradicting when +conviction was out of the question. "It does seem strange," she said; +"but there is one comfort, the worst of the debts will be cleared off +by the end of the year. Uncle William knows that and has arranged for +it in his own mind; I really think it would be almost a pity to +disturb the business plans of any one so exact." + +"Are we," the Captain returned scornfully, "to pinch and save to the +end of the year? Am I to do without the few comforts that might make +life tolerable? Am I to work like a farm labourer and live like one +till then, because you choose to keep this bulb?" + +Julia thought it was very probable things would go on as they were for +some time, but she did not say so; she only said, "I am sorry you find +it so trying." + +"Trying!" her father said, and stopped, as if he found the word and +most others very inadequate. "After all, it does not much matter," he +remarked in a tone of gloomy resignation. "I shan't be here, in any +one's way, much longer; there is not the least chance that I shall +live till the end of the year, and when I am gone you can do what you +please, what you must, with your bulb. I own I should like to see you +a little more comfortable and better off now. I hate to have you doing +servant's work and going shabby as you have to. I should like you to +be decently dressed, taking your proper place in society, but if you +think it right to go on as you are and to keep your bulb, of course I +have nothing to say." + +It was as well he had nothing, for Julia remembered the jam and went +indoors, so he would have had no one to say it to. She went into the +back kitchen, thinking, but not of the jam. Once again the temptation +to sell the daffodil beset her; not to Cross, he was the last man to +whom she would have sold it, but to some collector who would care for +it as the Van Heigens would. She could easily find such a one with or +without assistance from Cross; little harm would be done to the Van +Heigens by it; indeed Joost had expected her to do no less, and if she +did it she could pay--not the debts her father had mentioned--but the +one he had not. She had thought this all out before, seen the +arguments on both sides, and arrived at her conclusion; but there are +some things that are not content with this treatment once, nor even +twice, but demand it a good many more times than that. So she thought +it out again and came again to the old conclusion. Joost had given her +the bulb because he loved her; he had made no conditions because he +believed in her; he had even professed himself content that she should +sell it because, in his humbleness and generosity, he wanted only that +she should get what ease she could. He was content to make what was to +him a great sacrifice for no other reason than that she should have a +little more money on mere caprice, the very nature of which he did not +know. And so she could not do it, that was the end of the whole +matter. She could not take the gift of the man who loved her to pay a +debt to the man she loved. + +She went to fetch jam pots, without calling herself to order for the +last admission. It was the one luxury she had at that time; daily and +nightly she could admit to herself that she loved him and he loved +her. Not exactly passionately--they were not passionate people, she +told herself--but in an odd companionable equal sort of way which was +the best in the world. Nothing would ever come of it, even in the +remote future when her father was dead and the debt paid. By that time +both of them would have grown old and set in their far separate ways, +and even if he ever heard that she was free he would have become +wiser and changed his mind. So there was no end to this thing, no +awakening and disillusioning, none of the disappointment and +dreariness which is likely to attend the translating of a dream into +work-a-day life. For that reason it should have been possible to be +content, even with the thing which stood between her and +realisation--sometimes it almost was, at least she persuaded herself +so. At others there were things harder to control; brief moments when +crushing down all opposition and obliterating other thoughts, came the +memory of how she had crouched behind the chopping-block, how hidden +her tears in his coat. There was no reason or common-sense in that, no +friendship or good-fellowship in the clasp of his arms; it was the +natural man and the natural woman, and absence could not change it, +nor time take it away; it had been, it might be again, it obeyed no +law and answered to no argument in the world. It was something which +made her ashamed and afraid and yet glad with a rare incommunical +gladness that was pointed with pain. + +Just then the jam boiled over, and she had to leave her pots to run +and save it. + +It is a great thing to have your mind under fair control; the +Polkington training, wherein the advisable and advantageous were +compelled to rank high even in matter of emotion, is not without use +in bringing this about. But it is also a great thing, almost, perhaps, +a more important one for some people, to have plenty to do even if it +is only making jam. + +While Julia made her jam Captain Polkington hoed; at least he did for +a little while, then he gradually ceased and stood leaning upon his +hoe, lost in unhappy thought. At last he moved, and, gathering the +withering weeds that lay beside the path, carried them to an old +basket which he had left beside the garden wall. With the weeds he +picked up the torn fragments of card which Julia had dropped beside +the doorstep; he let them fall into the basket with the other rubbish, +but when he saw them gleaming white among the green they arrested his +attention. For a moment he looked at them, then he carefully picked +them out; he had some thought of appealing to Julia once more, or +telling her that he had saved the man's address for her and she had +one last chance. He sat down on the wall; would it be any good to +appeal? he asked himself despondently. Would anything be any good? Was +not everything a failure? No one regarded him; Cross, the man whose +card he held, had not even glanced in his direction when he went down +the path. A miserable bargain-driving tradesman had passed him and +paid no more attention to him than if he had been a gardener! Gillat, +his own friend, did not regard him, thought nothing of his comforts; +he was all for Julia; thought of nothing and no one else. As for Julia +herself, she had not the slightest regard for him, no consideration, +not even filial respect and obedience. + +He looked gloomily before him for a little, then his eye fell on the +white fragments he held, the address of the man who was anxious to buy +the daffodil which Julia in her obstinate folly and selfish +unreasonableness, would not sell. If it only were sold! He thought +over all the good things that could then be done; they were the same +as those excellent reasons that he had himself given a little while +back. Some people might have said they were rather diverse and not all +mutually inclusive, but no such idea troubled him; he was sure all +could easily have been done if the daffodil were sold. He felt that he +could have done it all quite well, he did not stop to think how--if he +had had the handling of the money he could have been a benefactor to +his whole family, especially Julia. It was hard that he should be +prevented, bitterly hard; it had so often happened in his life that he +had been prevented from doing what was good and useful by want of +means and opportunity or the stupid obstinacy of other people. He grew +more and more depressed as he sat on the wall thinking of these things +and wondering if there were many men so useless, so unfortunate and +misunderstood as he. + +This depression lasted all that day and on into the next; indeed, for +some time longer. It lifted a little once in the course of a week, but +not much, and soon settled down again, making the Captain very +miserable, disinclined for work, and decidedly bad company. Johnny +thought he was not well, but Julia fancied his trouble had something +to do with annoyance and the daffodil. He did not confide in either of +them, maintaining a proud and gloomy silence and nursing his grievance +so that it grew. For days he cherished his sense of injury and wrong, +until it became large and took a good hold upon him. Then, all at +once, for no reason that one can give, a change came, and his mind, as +if smitten by a gust of wind, began to veer about, to stir and +lighten. Why, he suddenly asked himself, was it that Julia would not +sell the bulb? Because--the answer was so absurdly simple he wondered +it had not occurred to him before--because it was the Van Heigens' +present, and one cannot sell presents. He perfectly understood the +scruple, honoured it even; but he also saw quite plainly that, though +it prevented her from selling the daffodil, it did not stand in the +way of its being sold. She could not, of course, authorise the sale, +any more than she could conduct it; but that was no reason why she +should not be very pleased to have it sold. Indeed, not only was this +a probability, practically a certainty, but more than likely she had +had some such idea in her mind when she spoke of the matter to her +father--in all likelihood she was wondering now why he had not taken +the hint. + +Thus Captain Polkington reasoned, seeing light at last in the dimness +of the depression which had possessed him. Quite how much he really +believed, or even if he were capable of real reasonable belief at this +stage of his career, it is not easy to say. It is possible he may have +thought he was right for the time being; his conscience was capable of +remarkable gymnastic feats at times. It is also possible that he, like +some others of the human race, was not really able to think at all. +Anyhow the depression that weighed upon him lifted, and he remembered +with satisfaction that he had kept the torn fragments of Cross' card. + +In the early part of the summer the hyacinths, tulips, and finer +narcissus had been taken out of the ground and put to dry. Julia hoped +by this means to get more and better flowers from them next year than +is the case when they are left in the earth. They took some time to +dry and were not really ready till the summer was far advanced; but +that did not matter to her, however it may have inconvenienced her +father; she was too busy to attend to them earlier. By the middle of +August they were ready, and she set to cleaning them in her spare time +with Johnny to help her. He was proud and pleased to do so, and did +not in the least mind the extreme irritation of the skin which befalls +those who rub off the old loose husks. A place was prepared for the +bulbs in one of the sheds, the wide shelf cleared and partitions made +in it by Mr. Gillat, who also spent some time in writing labels for +each of the divisions. Julia told him this was unnecessary as she knew +by the shape which were hyacinths and which tulips; still he did it. +Captain Polkington did not offer any assistance; he merely looked on +with indifferent interest; the matter did not seem to concern him. + +But one day, towards the end of the month, but before the bulbs were +all done, Julia went into the town. + +Captain Polkington saw her start; then he wandered to the shed where +Johnny was at work. For a little he stood watching, then he walked +leisurely round the place looking at this and that. + +"You will never be able to tell which is which of these things," he +remarked at last. + +Johnny looked at his somewhat conspicuous labels. "I've named them, +don't you see 'Tulips?'" + +"But you don't say what sort of tulips, which are red and which +yellow. Nor what sort of narcissus, which are daffodils and which the +bunchy things." + +"No," Mr. Gillat admitted; "no, they got mixed in the digging up; I +forgot, and put them all in the barrow together; that's how it +happened." + +"What? The whole lot?" the Captain inquired. "The streaked daffodil +and all? What did Julia say?" + +"She said it did not matter," Johnny told him; "they'll be all the +more surprise to us when they come up next year." + +"She didn't mind, not even about the streaked daffodil?" + +"Oh, that was not there," Mr. Gillat said, serenely unconscious that +the fate of that bulb was the only interest. "We have got that by +itself." + +He showed a little piece of shelf penned off from the rest and +carefully covered with wire netting for fear of rats. Three different +shaped bulbs were there in a row. + +"That's it," Johnny said, pointing to one of the three. "And that end +one is the red tulip with the black middle; it is supposed to be very +good; and that other is the double blue hyacinth from down by the +gate; we are going to try it in a pot in the house next year and have +it bloom early." + +Captain Polkington nodded, but did not show much interest. "Did you +put these here, or did she?" he asked. + +"She did," Johnny answered. "She cleans them much better than I do, +and we knew they were choice ones, the best one of each kind, so she +cleaned them; but I made the wire cover." + +The Captain did not praise the ingenuity of this contrivance, which he +did not admire at all, and soon afterwards he sauntered back to the +house. He was dozing in the easy-chair in the front kitchen when +Johnny came in to change his coat before setting out to meet Julia. He +did not seem to have moved much when Mr. Gillat came down-stairs ready +to start. + +"What?" he roused himself to say when Johnny announced his +destination. "Oh, all right, you need not have waked me to tell me +that, it really is of no importance to me if you like to walk in the +blazing sun." He settled himself afresh in the chair, muttering +something about the heat, and Johnny went out, quietly closing the +door after him. + +It was an hour later when Julia and the faithful Johnny came back, the +latter decidedly hot although he was carrying one of the lightest of +the parcels. Captain Polkington was still in his chair; he woke up as +they entered. + +"Why," he said, "I must have dropped asleep!" He rose and went to take +Julia's parcels. "Let me put these away for you," he said +solicitiously; "it is a great deal too hot for you to be walking in +the sun and carrying all these things." + +"Thank you," Julia answered; "that's all right. Perhaps you would not +mind getting the tea, though; if you would do that I should be glad." + +He did mind, but he set about it, and it was perhaps well for him that +he did, as otherwise he might have paid a suspicious number of fidgety +attentions to Julia. As it was, doing the menial work which he always +considered beneath his dignity, while Johnny sat still and rested, +restored him to his usual manner. + +But the Captain, though he was safely past the initial difficulty, did +not find the working out of his scheme altogether easy. He had the +bulb, it is true, and he was safe from detection for there was still +under the wire cover a smooth yellow-brown narcissus root very like +the first one; but he had got to get rid of it. It was not very easy +to get a letter to the post here without remark from Mr. Gillat. That, +in the circumstances, would be undesirable for it was likely to arouse +Julia's suspicions, and if they were roused she might think it her +duty to interfere--even though, of course, she did wish the bulb sold. +Her father recognised that and, determining not to give her the +opportunity, got his letter written betimes and waited for a chance to +give it to the postman unobserved. In writing he had been faced by one +very great difficulty, he had not the least idea how much to ask. +Cross had said "name a reasonable price," and he must name one, or +else it would appear that he were writing on his own behalf not +Julia's; but he did not know what was reasonable and he had no chance +of finding out. A new orchid, he had vaguely heard, was sometimes +worth a hundred pounds; but it was impossible any one should pay so +much for a daffodil, an ordinary garden flower. Julia, whatever her +motive, would not have refused to sell it if it would have fetched so +much; he could not conceive of a Polkington, especially a poor one, +turning her back on a hundred pounds. For hours he thought about this +and at last decided to ask twenty pounds. It seemed more to him now +than it would have done a year ago, by reason of the small sums he had +handled lately; but it was a good deal less than his golden dreams had +painted the bulb to be worth in the time when it seemed unattainable, +and he was paying debts and providing for Julia out of the proceeds of +the imaginary sale. Still, he finally decided to ask it and wrote to +that effect, and after some waiting for the opportunity got the letter +posted. + +After that there followed an unpleasant time or suspense, made the +more unpleasant by the fact that he had to look out for the postman as +he did not want the return letter to fall into Julia's hands. At last, +after a longer time than he expected, the reply came safely to hand. +This was it-- + + "SIR, + + "I am obliged to decline your offer of the streaked daffodil + bulb, the price you name being absurd. To tell the plain + truth, I would rather not do business with you in the + matter; I prefer to deal with principals, else in these + cases there is little guarantee of good faith. + + "Yours faithfully, + + "ALEXANDER CROSS." + + "P. S.--If you should fail to dispose of your bulb elsewhere + and it would be a convenience to you, I will give you a five + pound note for it, that is, if you can guarantee it genuine. + It is not, under the circumstances, worth more to me. + + "A. C." + +So the Captain read and then re-read; anger, mortification and +disappointment preventing him from grasping the full meaning at +first. Five pounds, only five pounds! No wonder Julia would not sell +her bulb; no wonder she preferred to keep a present that would only +fetch five pounds! What was such a trifle? The Captain glared at the +letter as he asked himself the question proudly. His pride was badly +wounded. Cross had not set him right in his mistaken idea of the +daffodil's value too politely; at least he thought not. Why should he, +this tradesman, say he preferred to deal with principals? Did he +imagine that a gentleman would attempt to sell him a spurious bulb? +The Captain's honour was not of that sort and he felt outraged. He +felt outraged, too, almost insulted, at being told that the price was +absurd. The absurd thing was that he should be expected to know +anything about trade or trade prices. "The man can have no idea of my +position," he thought. + +But there he was not quite correct; it was precisely because he had a +suspicion of the position that Cross had written thus. No one with any +right to it would offer the true bulb for twenty pounds; either, so he +argued, it was stolen or not genuine; which, he did not know, the odds +were about even. After making a few inquiries at Marbridge into +Captain Polkington's history he came to the conclusion that the chance +in favour of the true bulb was worth five pounds to him. Accordingly +he offered it, indifferent as to the result, but rather anticipating +its acceptance. + +It was accepted. The Captain was mortified and disappointed, but five +pounds is five pounds. It even seems a good deal more when your income +is very small and the part of it which you handle yourself so much +smaller as to amount to nothing worth mentioning. It was September +now, and already the mornings and evenings were cold, foretaste of the +winter which was coming, which would hold the exposed land in its +grip for months. Five pounds would buy things which would make the +winter more tolerable; small comforts and luxuries meant a great deal +to real poverty in cold weather and feeble health. Of course to Johnny +and Julia too; they were all going to benefit. Captain Polkington +packed the bulb in a small box and posted it when he went to Halgrave +to have his hair cut. + +By return he received a five pound note--a convenient handy form of +money, easy to send, easy to change. Halgrave might not perhaps be +able to give change for it without inconvenience, but Julia could get +it changed next time she went into town. That would not be just yet, +but a note will keep; it would perhaps be better to keep it for the +present. The Captain folded it in his pocket-book and kept it. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +THE BENEFACTOR + + +It was not till October that Captain Polkington was able to change the +five pound note. This was really Julia's fault, she went so seldom +into the town; he had once or twice suggested her doing so when she +said they wanted this or that, but she never took the hint, and the +note was still in his pocket-book. At last, however, the opportunity +came. + +A keeper's wife with whom Julia had got acquainted had promised her a +pair of lop-eared rabbits if she could come and fetch them. She was +not very anxious to have them, but Mr. Gillat was; he said they would +be very profitable. Julia doubted this; but, since he wanted them, she +said they would have them, and accordingly, one morning, they started +together with a basket for the rabbits. They started directly after +breakfast for they had to go a long way across the heath and could not +at the best be back before two o'clock. Captain Polkington watched +them go, standing at the cottage door until their figures were small +on the great expanse of heather. Then he went in and, sitting down, +wrote a hasty note to Julia; it was to the effect that he had been +obliged to go into town, but would be back by dark or soon after. It +read as quite a casual communication, as if he were in the habit of +going into town frequently and had much business to transact. The +Captain was rather satisfied with it; he felt he was doing the +straightforward thing in telling Julia, his whole proceedings were +open and above board. When he came back he should tell her all about +the money, how it had been raised and how spent. She should have had +the spending of it herself if only she had gone to town when he +suggested it; as it was, he must do it; it was absurd to wait any +longer; the weather was already cold; he must go, and bring her some +pleasant surprise when he came back. + +Satisfied with these reflections and feeling already the glow of +beneficence, he dressed himself and set out for Halgrave. He had to +walk to the village and there take the carrier's cart which went into +town twice a week; he reflected, while he waited for the vehicle, how +fortunate it was that Julia and Johnny had chosen to go for the +rabbits to-day, one of the days when the carrier went to town. There +were a good many bundles going by the cart, and two other passengers +who were inclined to be too familiar until somewhat haughtily shown +their proper place. The Captain was a little annoyed by this; and +annoyed, also, to find that the carrier was not in the habit of +starting on the return journey till rather late, later than the note +would lead Julia to expect her father. But as the carrier was not one +to change his habits for anybody, that could not be helped and Captain +Polkington made the best of it. Julia was not likely to be anxious +about him, he was sure; and since he was going to tell her all about +his doings, it might as well be late as early. By this time he had +quite got rid of any qualms--if he ever had them--about the method of +getting and the intention of spending the note. He had almost +forgotten that it had not always been his, and was quite sure that he +was doing the right thing--for others as well as himself--in the +difficult circumstances which seemed to beset him more than the +common run of men. Cheered by these thoughts he endured the +discomforts of the journey with moderate patience; he almost felt that +he was suffering them in a good cause, for the sake of Johnny and +Julia. + +The town was large and the centre of a large district, not at all like +the retired gentility of Marbridge, very much bigger and busier. +Captain Polkington, who had lived quietly so long, felt rather lost +and bewildered at first in the bustling intricate streets; there were +so many people, especially among the shops, they were always getting +in his way. He only made one purchase before lunch; he would have +plenty of time in the afternoon, he thought, and would be better able +to decide what to buy when he had seen things and had a meal. The +purchase made before lunch was at the wine merchants, it was whisky. + +He lunched at the best hotel; that and the whisky made a rather bigger +hole in the five pound note than one would have expected. Still, as he +told himself the whisky really was a vital matter with winter coming +on, a necessity, not a luxury, for all of them--Johnny would be better +for a little--he used to like a glass in the old days; and Julia would +certainly be the better for it, working as she did in the cold. It was +a medicine for them all, not himself alone. The lunch was the only +personal extravagance and really, seeing what he was doing for the +others, there was no need for him to grudge that to himself. + +So he lunched and then the trouble began. He was not clear quite how +it happened; at least, owing to the confusion there always was in his +mind between facts as they were, as he wished them to be, and as they +appeared in retrospect--he was never able to explain it thoroughly. +There were other men lunching at the same time; he still had the +Polkington faculty for making friends and acquaintances; he still, +too, had the appearance and manner of a gentleman, if of somewhat +reduced circumstances. He apparently made acquaintances; exactly how +many and what sort is not certain, the account was very confused here. +There was a whisky and soda in it, two whiskies and sodas, or even +three; a cigar, a game of billiards--perhaps there was more than one +game, or some other game besides billiards. At all events there must +have been something more, for the Captain afterwards declared he was +ruined in less than an hour, fleeced, cheated of his little all! It is +quite possible that he was nothing of the kind, and that the +acquaintances were perfectly honest and honourable men. They would not +know he could not afford to lose, a true Polkington always set out to +hide the reality of his poverty. And he was not likely to win, he +seldom did, no matter at what he played or with whom; he was +constitutionally unlucky--or incapable, which is a truer name for the +same thing--it had always been so, even as far back as the old times +in India. That day he lost at something, that at least was clear; then +there was more whisky and soda and more losses, and perhaps more +whisky again; and so on until late in the afternoon, he found himself +standing, miserable and bewildered, in the main street of the town. +Some one had brought him there, a good-natured young fellow who +thought, not that he had spent all he ought, but that he had drunk all +he should. + +"Not used to it, you know," he had said with good-humoured apology; +"been rusticating out of the way so long. Better come out and get a +breath of air, it'll pull you together." + +And he persuaded him out, walked some way down the street with him and +then, seeing that he seemed all right, left him and went to attend to +his own business. + +For a little the Captain stood where he was, the depression, begotten +of whisky and his losses, growing upon him in the old overwhelming +way. No one took any notice of him; passers by jostled against him, +for the pavement was rather narrow, but no one paid any attention to +him. The bustle bewildered his weak head, and the noise and movement +of the traffic in the roadway irritated him unreasonably. A youth ran +into him and he exploded angrily with sudden weak unrestrained fury. +Thereat the boy laughed, and, when he shouted and stamped his foot, +ran away saying something impudent. The Captain turned to run after +him shaking his stick; but he was stiff and rheumatic and weak on his +legs, too, just now. It was no use to try and run. Of course it was no +use, nothing was any use now, he was a miserable failure, he could not +even run after a boy; he must bear every one's taunts; he could almost +have wept in self-pity. Then he became aware that several passers by +were looking at him curiously, arrested by the noise he had made. +Annoyed and ashamed he turned his back on them and pretended to be +examining the goods in a shop window near. + +It was a large draper's, rather a cheap one; the better shops were +higher up the street. In this one the things were all priced and +labelled plainly; the Captain at first did not notice this one way or +the other; he simply looked in to cover his confusion. But after a +little he became aware of what he looked at, and it recalled to his +mind the fact that he was going to buy something for Julia. He did not +quite know what, he had had large ideas at one time; they had had to +be diminished once because five pounds will not do as much as twenty; +they had to be diminished again because he had been fleeced of so much +of the five pounds. A wave of anger shook him as he thought of that, +but he suppressed it; he felt that he must not give way, so he looked +steadily at the window. There were furs displayed there, muffs and +collarettes of skunk and other animals, even the humble rabbit +artistically treated to meet the insatiable female appetite for sable +at all prices. The Captain decided on the best collarette displayed +and turned towards the shop door feeling a little better in the glow +of benevolence that returned to him as he thought of how much he was +going to spend for Julia. Just as he was going in he caught sight of a +girl selling violets in the street. She was a good-looking impudent +girl, and catching his eye she pressed her wares on him glibly; he +hesitated, smiled--here was one who treated him as a man, who +considered it worth while. He looked defiantly at the passers by--he +was a man, not an object for curiosity or kindly contempt. He returned +the girl's glance with an ogle and, stepping as jauntily as he could +to the edge of the pavement, took a bunch of flowers with some +suitable pleasantry. Half-way through his remark he stopped dead; he +had felt in his pocket for a penny and found nothing. Quickly, +feverishly, almost desperately, he felt in the other pocket; +there were three coins there; by the size he could tell that one at +least was a penny; he took it out and gave it to the girl; he had not +the courage to put down the flowers and go without them. Then he +turned away. A narrow passage ran down between the draper's and the +next house; fewer people went that way and in the window there, common +and less expensive goods were displayed. The Captain went down the +foot-way and examined the two remaining coins. They were a shilling +and a penny. + +People passed and repassed along the main road; carts and carriages +rumbled over the uneven stones; no one heeded the shabby hopeless +figure by the side window. They were lighting up in the draper's +though outside there was still daylight; the gas jets were considered +to make the place look more attractive. They shone warmly on the furs +and silk scarves in the front window, making them look rich and +luxurious. Two girls stopped to look in; then, their means being more +suitable to the goods there, they came to examine the side window. +They were two servants out for the afternoon; they wore winter coats +open over summer dresses and hats that might be called autumnal, +seeing that they were an ingenious blending of the best that was left +from the headgear of both seasons. + +"I shall get one of them woolly neck things, I shall," one said; +"they're quite as nice as fur and not so dear." + +The other could not agree. "Don't care about them myself," she said; +"I must say I like a bit of sable." + +"Can't get it under two and eleven," her companion rejoined; "and +those things are only a shilling three. Look at that pink one there; +it looks quite as good as feathers any day. I'm not so gone on sable +myself; you can't have it pink, and pink's my colour." + +They moved on to another window; they, no more than the passers by, +noticed the old man who stood just at their elbow. When they had gone +he looked drearily in where they had looked. There were the woolly +things they had spoken of, short woven strips of loopy wool, to be +tied about the neck by the two-inch ribbons that dangled from the +ends. "Ostrich wool boas in all colours, price, one shilling and three +farthings," they were ticketed. He read the ticket mechanically. He +still held his two coins; he held them mechanically; had he thought +about it he would scarcely have troubled to do so, they were so +cruelly, so mockingly inadequate. He read the ticket again; it +obtruded itself upon him as trivial things do at unexpected times. +But now its meaning began to be impressed upon his brain--"one +shilling and three farthings"--that, then, was the interpretation of +the servant girl's "shilling three." He had a shilling and a penny--a +shilling and three farthings. He could buy one of those ostrich wool +boas--he would buy it--that pink one for Julia. + +The Halgrave carrier made it a rule to receive his passengers' fares +at the beginning of the expedition; if they were coming back as well +as going with him they paid for the double journey at the outset in +the morning. Captain Polkington had so paid, and it was that fact, +coupled with the early arrival at the stables of his one purchase, +which induced the carrier to wait nearly half-an-hour for him. The +cart was packed, everything was ready, and the good man and the only +other passenger he was taking back were growing impatient, when the +Captain, carrying a small crushed paper parcel, appeared. He had lost +his way to the stables and had wandered hopelessly in his efforts to +find it. The carrier was rather short-tempered about it, and the other +passenger said something to the effect that "They didn't oughter let +him out alone!" The Captain payed no attention but climbed into the +back of the cart and sat down near his whisky. The other passenger got +up beside the driver, and in a few minutes they were lumbering down +the crooked streets. Soon they were out of the town and jogging +quietly along the quiet lanes; the driver leaned forward to get a +light from his passenger's pipe; his face for a moment showed ruddy in +the glow of the one lamp, then it sunk into gloom again. Captain +Polkington did not notice; he did not notice the voices in +intermittent talk, or the fume of their tobacco that hung on the moist +air and mingled with the scent of the drooping violets in his coat. +He knew nothing and was aware of nothing except that he was the most +miserable, the most unfortunate of men. Throughout the whole +interminable journey he dwelt on that one thing as he sat by his +whisky in the dark, clutching tightly the soft paper parcel and +finding his only fragment of comfort in it. He had after all bought +something; poor, disappointed, fleeced as he was, he had spent his +last money in buying a present for his daughter. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +THE GOING OF THE GOOD COMRADE + + +The cottage was very quiet. Although it was not late, both Captain +Polkington and Johnny had gone to bed, the one to suit himself, the +other to oblige Julia; she was in the kitchen now, as completely alone +as she could wish. And certainly she did wish it; by the hard light in +her eyes and the grim look about her mouth it was clear she was in no +mood for company. She had got at the truth that evening, or most of +it; the whole affair, with the exception of one point only, was quite +plain to her; not by her father's wish or intention, but plain none +the less. Subterfuge was an art the Polkingtons understood so well +that it was exceedingly difficult to deceive them; Julia was the most +difficult of them all to deceive, and the Captain was least clever at +subterfuge; it was not wonderful, therefore, that she knew nearly all +there was to know. Her heart was bitter within her, but against +herself as well as against her father--after all he had but done what +she had once thought to do. She had stayed her hand because the one +who owned the daffodil was a child to her. Her father had had no such +reason for staying his; the one who owned this daffodil was as cunning +as he. He had done what he had, badly of course he could not do +otherwise--a foredained failure such as he--bungled it hopelessly; but +the idea was the same--a bad travesty of a bad idea, badly worked out. +For a moment her mind glanced aside from the main issue in disgust +and contempt for the method. It was sin without genius, a puerile +theft without adequate return, a miserable fall, and for such a +purpose! To expect to find the streaked daffodil unguarded in an +outhouse! To sell it for five pounds and think to spend the money on +creature comforts! It is hard to say which of the three was the worst. +The really good have little idea how such fool's knavery looks to the +shadily clever; it brings home to them the wrongness of wrong, +disgusting them with it and with themselves, as no preaching in the +world can. + +The moon had risen by this time; its first beams shone in at the +unshuttered window. Julia went to the door and, opening it, looked +out. There was a little mist about and the moon, quite a young one, +was struggling through it, shining with a soft, diffused light that +made the landscape very unearthly. + +It was wonderfully still out of doors, quiet and damp with belts of +unexplained shadow here and there, and a sense of illimitable space +and silence. Julia sat down on the door steps and smelt the good smell +of the earth and felt the nearness of it. But it did not comfort her; +she was not in tune with the night; she had neither part nor lot with +these things. "Thief, and daughter of a thief;" the words kept coming +to her--and he, the man whom she never named to herself, had called +her his good comrade! She bowed her face to her knees and sat +motionless. + +She had told him the truth about herself; she had not been ashamed; +she would not have been even if she had taken the daffodil. But her +father! She was ashamed for him with a bitter shame; ashamed of +herself and him too, in thought and intention at least they were one, +double-dealers. "Two grubby little people," as she had seen them long +ago when they first stood in company with that man. + +"But you don't know; you have not our temptations." She almost spoke +aloud, unconsciously addressing the dewy silence as her mind called +the man plainly before her. "You have never wanted money as I wanted +it, or wanted things as father wanted them. Oh, you would despise the +things he wanted--so do I; they are miserable and mean and sordid; you +couldn't want whisky and comfort as he wanted them, but you can't +think how he did! He would have justified it to himself too; you +wouldn't, couldn't do that, while we--we could justify the devil if we +tried. It is not right, any the more for that, I know it is not; it is +dishonest and disgraceful, I know that as well as you; but I know how +it came about and you--you can never understand!" Her voice sank away. +That was the great difference between herself and this man; it did not +lie in what she did; that was a remedial matter--but rather in what +she knew and felt. Things that did not exist for him were not only +possible but sometimes almost necessary to her and hers. The gulf +between them which had almost seemed bridged in the early summer was +suddenly opened again by the day's work; opened beyond all passage for +her--thief, and daughter of a thief. + +She sat on the doorstone looking out with unseeing eyes while the moon +rose higher and the light grew so that the belts of shadow melted and +the misty land was all silver, a world of dreams, very pure and still. +But neither her dreams nor her thoughts were pure and still; they were +full of passion and pain, longing and regret and shame, and yet an +underlying hopeless desire that all could be known and understood. + +At last she rose and went in. The pink woolly thing Captain +Polkington had bought her lay on the kitchen-table, half out of its +paper wrappings, a silly, useless thing. As her eyes fell on it they +grew dim and hot while the colour crept up in her cheek. Her father +had bought it for her; he had thought to please her with the foolish +thing; it was like a child's or a fool's gift; she hated herself for +hating it. But he had deceived himself into thinking he was generous +to make it with his illgotten gains; he had salved conscience with +it--it was a liar's gift, a self-deceiver's, a thief's. There was no +kindness, no generosity in it, and she despised him--and he was her +father! + +She picked up the thing, paper and all, and crammed it into the dying +fire. Then suddenly she burst into tears. The world was all wrong, +justice was wrong and suffering was wrong and mankind wrong, all was +wrong and inexplicable and pitiful too. + +For a minute she sobbed chokingly, then she forced back the tears with +the angry impatience of a hurt animal, and fetching a sheet of paper +and pencil, sat down to write. He was her father and he was a man with +a warped idea of honour, one whose self-respect had been taken away; +it was too late to teach him, one could only safeguard him now. +Opportunity did not make thieves of such as her, but it did of such as +him, and she had left the opportunity--or what he took to be it--open. +She would close it now for ever; she would be rid of the bulb, the +cause of so much trouble. So she wrote hurriedly, a mere scrawl, while +the passion was still upon her, and her eyes were still dim with +tears-- + +"Joost, if you have ever cared for me, take back the daffodil; take it +back and don't ask me why." + +The next morning Julia posted a small parcel, and at dinner time told +Johnny and her father that she had sent the famous daffodil back to +its native land. + +Johnny looked up in mild surprise; he had been to the outhouse that +morning to see if the bulbs were keeping dry. "Why," he said, "it's in +the shed!" + +"No, it is not," Julia answered, "and it never was. The one you think +it is one of the large double pale ones; I told you at the time we put +them away, but you have got mixed, I expect." + +"Ah, yes, of course," Mr. Gillat said; "I remember now; of course, I +remember." + +The Captain swallowed something, but contrived to keep quiet, and only +darted a glance at Johnny, the muddler, whose information could never +be depended on. + +When the meal was over and Mr. Gillat in the back kitchen, Captain +Polkington spoke to his daughter. + +"Julia," he said, moistening his dry lips, "that man Cross thought it +was the streaked daffodil that I, that--" + +His voice tailed away, but Julia only said, "Well?" + +"I pledged by word of honour that it was the true one." + +Again Julia said, "Well?" + +"What is to be done?" the Captain asked. + +She showed no signs of grasping his meaning or at all events of +helping him out. He burst out irritably, "What on earth have you sold +it for? Nothing would induce you to do so before when I asked you to; +now, all at once you have taken a freak and parted with it without any +consideration whatever. I never saw anything like women, so utterly +irrational!" + +"I have not sold it," Julia told him; "only sent it away." + +"What for? It is perfectly absurd! I suppose you can get it back? You +must get it back." + +Julia asked "What for?" in her turn. + +The Captain enlightened her. "There is Cross," he said; "I told him +that was the daffodil, and it is not. Something must be done; we can't +cheat him; we must send him the daffodil, or else refund the five +pounds. We should have to do that--and we can't." + +"No," Julia agreed grimly; "and we would not if we could." + +"But what are you going to do?" her father asked. + +"Nothing." + +"Nothing! But I pledged my word! You don't understand, I am in honour +bound." + +Julia forbore to make and comment on her father's notion of honour; +indeed, it struck her as almost pathetic in its grotesqueness and +certainly very characteristic of the Polkingtons. + +"Cross paid five pounds for the streaked daffodil," the Captain went on to +say, believing that he was stating the case with incontrovertible +plainness, "and if he does not have the true bulb he must have the money +back; otherwise he will, with justice, say he has been cheated, for I +guaranteed the thing." + +"He paid five pounds for a speculation," Julia said; "your guarantee +was nothing, and though he may have asked for it, it was just a form +and did not count one way or the other. He knew there was a chance +that you had come by the true bulb somehow and so had it to sell; he +risked five pounds on that--and lost it." + +Captain Polkington looked bewildered. "He paid five pounds for the +bulb," he persisted; "he said it was worth no more to him." + +"Very likely not, if he could get it for that," Julia said; "but if +he could have been sure of it, it would have been worth two hundred +pounds." + +"Two hundred!" Captain Polkington gasped, turning rather white. + +Julia nodded. "With my guarantee," she said. "You had not got that; I +suppose you let him see it when you wrote first so he knew that, +though you might have the real bulb, you were not in a position to +sell it well." + +The Captain flushed as suddenly as he had paled. "You think he thought +I had not come by it honestly, that I had no right in my daughter's +affairs?" + +"I don't see it matters what he thought," Julia answered, taking up +the dishes. "He risked his money, and lost it, knowing very well what +he did; he does not mind doing business in that way; I don't admire it +myself, but I guessed he would do it when I first made his +acquaintance." + +"You ----" the Captain said. + +"I have nothing to do with it, and shall have nothing." + +"But the money must be paid; it is a debt of honour; I must clear +myself." + +Julia shrugged her shoulders. + +"You do not wish me cleared?" her father demanded haughtily. + +"Paying the five pounds would not clear you," she said; "neither that +nor anything else. No, I am not going to pay it; I don't feel any +obligation in the matter. If Mr. Cross goes in for those sort of +dealings he must put up with the consequence, and I am afraid you +must, too." And with that she went away. + +This was the last reference that was made to the sale of the daffodil +and the expedition to town; after that the matter was left out of +conversation and Julia behaved as if it had never existed. But Captain +Polkington was very unhappy; he could not get over the affair and his +own failure; he brooded over it in silence, feeling and resenting that +he could not speak to either Johnny or Julia, they being quite unable +to understand his emotions. Once or twice he raged weakly against +Cross, who had given him five pounds when he had asked twenty for a +thing worth two hundred; who had doubted his word, who had behaved as +if he were a common thief--who would, doubtless, think him one. More +often his indignation burnt up against Julia who would do nothing to +remedy this last catastrophe, and clear him and reinstate his honour +in the eyes of this man and himself. Most often of all his quarrel was +with fate, and then his anger broke down into self-pity as he thought +of all the troubles that were crowding about his later years; of his +lost reputation, his lack of sympathy and comprehension; the failure +of all his plans and hopes, the poverty and feeble health that +oppressed him. In these gloomy days he had one ray of comfort only; it +lay in the purchase he had made on that day that he went shopping. +That whisky was the solitary thing in the day's adventure about which +Julia had not heard; everything else she had been told, but somehow +that had escaped. One reason of this, no doubt, lay in the fact that +Captain Polkington had not brought his purchase home with him that +evening. He had meant to; when the carrier set him and his property +down just outside Halgrave, he had fully meant to carry it to the +cottage. But he found it so heavy and cumbersome in his weak and +dejected state that he had to give it up. So he found a suitable +hiding-place in the deep overgrown ditch beside the road, and, +thrusting it as much out of sight as he could, left it there and went +home unburdened. He meant to tell Julia and Johnny about it, they of +course were to have shared, and one or both of them would go with him +to fetch it home in the morning. But he did not tell them; it did not +seem suitable at first; they, each in a different way, were too +unsympathetic about the expedition to town; he determined to wait for +a fitting opportunity. The opportunity did not come; but in course of +time the whisky was moved and gave comfort of sorts during the autumn +days to the Captain's drooping spirits, if it had a less beneficial +effect on his failing health. + +In the meantime the daffodil, "The Good Comrade," had gone back to its +native land, and with it an appeal, written in English, badly written, +scrawled almost--but not likely to be refused. Joost read it through +once, twice, more times than that; it said little, only, take back the +bulb and ask no questions, yet he felt he had been honoured by Julia's +confidence. The very style and haste of the letter seemed an honour to +him; it showed him she had need and had turned to him in it. Of course +he would do as she asked; he would have done things far harder than +that. He folded the slip of paper and put it away where he kept some +few treasures, and for a time he put with it the bulb she had sent; +and sometimes when he went to bed of a night--he had no other free +time--he took both out and looked at them. + +But "The Good Comrade" did not remain locked away from the light of day. +Joost was a sentimentalist, it is true, and the bulb had come from +Julia, winged by an appeal from her. But he was also a bulb grower, +and he was that before he was anything else and afterwards too, and +the daffodil was a marvel of nature, a novelty, a thing beyond words +to a connoisseur. The lover asked that the token should be kept hidden +from the eyes of men; but the grower cried that the flower should be +given to the light of heaven and should grow and bloom according to +Nature's plan. For days the lover was uppermost and the old pain back. +But in time the bitter-sweet madness died down again and, in the +atmosphere which was saturated with the beloved work, the old love, +the first and last and soundly abiding one, reasserted itself. The +daffodil must bloom, the little brown bulb must go back to the brown +earth, the strange flower must unfold itself to the sun and wind and +rain. + +So he went to his father. "My father," he said, and it is to be feared +he had learnt something of guile from the source of his bitter-sweet +madness. "My father, I have heard from Miss Julia; she would wish us +to have the narcissus 'The Good Comrade.'" + +Mijnheer was pleased. "That is as it should be," he said; he had felt +strongly about the gift of the bulb in the first instance, but that +was an affair over and done with long ago between him and his son. He +did not reopen it now, he was only gratified to think there was a +likelihood of the daffodil coming back to its birthplace, where it +certainly ought to be. "How much does Miss Julia ask for it?" he +inquired. + +"Nothing," Joost answered; "she does not wish to sell it; she wishes +to give it back." + +"But, but!" Mijnheer exclaimed, pushing up his spectacles in +astonishment; he knew the value of the thing and the offers that must +have been made for it; this way was not at all his notion of doing +business; also he found it hard to reconcile with the Julia he +remembered. He recollected talk he had had with her when she had +proved herself an apt pupil in trade and trade dealings, and shown, +not only a very good comprehension of such things, but also an eye to +the main chance. "This is nonsense," he said; "it is not business." + +Joost looked distressed. "I gave her the bulb," he ventured; "she does +not want to sell me back my present." + +Mijnheer did not recognise any such distinction in business +transactions, and for a little it looked as if "The Good Comrade" +would be sent wandering again, sacrificed to his old-fashioned notions +of integrity. Joost should not have it unless he paid for it, he said +so with decision. He himself would buy it if Joost would not, and if +she would not sell it to him then neither of them should have it. + +And Joost could not, even if he would, explain why and how the paying +was so difficult. He used all the arguments he could; indeed, for one +of his nature, he spoke with considerable diplomacy. + +"Supposing," he said at last, "that it was only a sport, and that next +year it reverts and is blue as are the others, the parent bulbs? Miss +Julia thinks of that--she would not like to be paid for it now in case +of such a thing, will you not at least wait until the spring? She has +given nothing for it herself; it is not as if she had sunk money and +wants an immediate return." + +Mijnheer did not consider that made any difference and he said so, +reading his son a lecture on business morality according to his +standard, of a very severe order. Joost listened with meekness to the +entirely undeserved reproof for meanness and dishonourable views; then +the old man announced finally what he should do. He should write to +Julia and offer her a smallish sum down in case the bulb proved to be +of no great worth, and a promise of a proportional percentage +afterwards if it proved valuable. This idea pleased him very well; it +satisfied his notions of integrity and fair dealing and also his +thrifty soul, which found trying the otherwise unavoidable duty of +paying a long price for what had been freely given. From this Joost +could not move him, so there was nothing for him to do but write +distressfully to Julia and explain and apologise. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE + + +Julia was at work in the kitchen; it was ten o'clock on a November +morning and she was busy; Captain Polkington had had breakfast +up-stairs, he often did now, and it delayed the morning's work. Mr. +Gillat brought in two letters which the postman had left; both were +for Julia, but she had not time to read them now, so she put them down +on the table; they would keep; she did not feel greatly interested to +know what was inside them. Things did not interest her as they used; +in some imperceptible way she had aged; some of the elasticity and +youth was gone, perhaps because hope was gone. It had been dying all +the summer, ever since the day when she crouched behind the +chopping-block; but gently and gradually, as the year dies, with some +beauties unknown in early days and little recurrent spurts of hope and +youth, like the flowers that bloom into winter's lap. But it was dead +now; there had come to her, as it were, a sudden frost, and, as +befalls in the years, too, the late blooming flowers, the coloured +leaves, the last beautiful clinging remnants of life withered all at +once and fell away. It was unreasonable, perhaps, that the Captain's +theft of the daffodil and what arose from it should have had this +result; but then it was possibly unreasonable that hope and youth +should have had any autumn at all and not died right off when she said +"No" and meant it that afternoon in the early summer. But then the +mind of man--and woman--is unreasonable. + +It was nearly half-an-hour later when Julia picked up the letters; +both were from Holland; one, she fancied, was from Mijnheer, one from +his son. She opened the latter first; she rather wondered what Joost +could have to write about; he had acknowledged the receipt of the +daffodil bulb long ago. The matter was soon explained; the letter was +as formal and precise as ever, but the emotion that dictated it, the +distress and regret, was quite clear to Julia in spite of the primness +of expression. Clear, too, to her were the conflicting feelings that +lay behind the lover's contrition for what he feared was abuse of his +mistress's trust, and the grower's desire that the treasured token +should be resolved into, what it was, a wonderful bulb, a triumph of +the horticulturist. Julia smiled a little sadly as she read; not that +she regretted the existence of the grower with the lover; she was glad +to see it and to know that it was triumphing. But the whole affair +seemed so far off, so unimportant, so almost childish. She did not +care who knew he had the daffodil, or whether it bloomed or rotted. In +these days, when her self-apportioned burden was beginning to press +heavily upon her shoulders, such things did not seem to matter. She +had a sense almost of disloyalty in feeling how little it mattered to +her when it appeared to be so much to this loyal friend. + +Captain Polkington had of late had several sudden attacks of a +faintness which more often than not amounted to unconsciousness. +"Heart," the doctor had said when he was summoned after the first one; +he had not regarded them as very dangerous, that is to say not likely +to prove fatal at any moment if properly treated at the time. He had +given instructions as to suitable treatment, emphasising the fact +that the patient ought never to be long out of ear-shot of some one, +as the attacks required immediate remedy. He forbade excitement and +much exertion, orders easy to fulfil in this case, and also stimulants +of all sorts, an order not quite so easy. Captain Polkington was much +displeased about this last; he said it plainly showed the doctor a +fool who did not know his business; stimulant, as every one knew, +being the first necessity for a weak heart. Julia pointed out that +that must vary with the constitution, nature and disease; she also +recalled the fact that alcohol never had suited her father. He was +naturally not convinced by her logic, and so was decidedly sulky; even +in time, by dint of dwelling upon the subject, came to regard the +treatment as a conspiracy to annoy him. Julia regretted this but did +not think it mattered very much, seeing that she had the keys; but +then she did not know of that purchase made in the town. The Captain, +rebelling against the doctor's order, hugged himself as he thought of +it and of the comparatively sparing use he had made of it so far--for +fear of being found out. There was no need of him to die by inches +while he had that store of life and comfort; so he told himself, and +secretly made use of it, with anything but good result. Julia, marking +the disimprovement in his health, thought it was the natural course +and saved him all work, carrying out the doctor's instructions more +carefully than ever. The hidden whisky remained unknown to her, for +although in the larger affairs of duplicity and diplomacy she easily +outmatched her father, in matters requiring small cunning he was much +nearer her equal. In this one he showed almost preternatural skill; +his whole heart was in it, and his wits, where it was concerned, were +sharpened above the average; he clung to his secret as a man clings to +his one chance of life, made only the more pertinacious by the +contrary advice he had received. But on that November morning, after +Julia had brought her father round by the proper remedies, she began +to have suspicions. They were not founded on anything definite; she +could not imagine how he should have got stimulant, and his condition +hardly justified her in suspecting it, yet she did. And Captain +Polkington knew by experience that that was enough to prove +unpleasant; it did not matter much at which end Julia got hold of his +affairs, she had a knack of arriving at the middle before he was at +all ready for her. He resented what she said to him that morning very +much indeed. He denied everything and defended himself well; although +he was in fear all the time that some unwary word or unwise denial +should betray him to his cross-examiner who, being herself no mean +expert in the double-dealing arts, could frequently learn as much from +a lie as from the truth. In the end, what between anxiety and +annoyance, he lost control of his temper and from peevish irritability +broke out suddenly into a fit of weak ungovernable rage. Julia was +obliged at once to desist, seeing with regret that she had +transgressed one of the doctor's rules and excited the patient very +much indeed. + +She left him to recover control of himself and went to look for Mr. +Gillat. + +"Johnny," she said, when she found him. "I believe father has got +whisky. I don't know where, but I shall have to find out; you must +help me." + +Johnny professed his willingness, looking puzzled and unhappy; he +looked so at times, again now, for even he had begun to discern a +shadow coming on the life which for a year had been so happy to him. + +"You will have to keep a watch on father," Julia said. "He won't do +much while I am watching; he will wait till he is alone with you. +Don't try to prevent him; that is no good; just watch and tell me." + +Mr. Gillat said he would, though he did not like the job, and +certainly was ill-fitted for it. Julia knew that, but knew also that +to discover anything she must depend a good deal upon him, unless she +could by searching light upon the store of spirit which she could not +help thinking her father had in or near the house. She determined to +make a systematic search; but before she did so she found time to open +Mijnheer's letter. + +It was rather a long letter and very neat. It set forth in formal +Dutch the old man's ideas concerning the daffodil bulb and his offer +regarding it. It should be kept, he said, if it was paid for, not +otherwise. Something now, she was to name her terms, while it was +still uncertain whether its flower would be blue or streaked or even +common yellow--more later, in accordance with the flowering and the +profits likely to arise. + +So Julia read and sat staring. An offer for "The Good Comrade." Money +from the people to whom it had always practically belonged in her +estimation. She could not take it from them, it was impossible; the +thing was virtually their own! But if she did not. She re-read Joost's +letter with its protestations, and Mijnheer's with its offer--if she +did not, the little brown bulb would be sent back to her. Mijnheer, +now that he knew of its coming, would insist on its return unless it +were paid for; and Joost, she knew very well, would not deceive his +father and keep it secretly, or defy his father and keep it openly; +the money or the bulb she must have. And the bulb she could not, would +not have again; so the money, unearned, distasteful, having a not too +pleasant savour, must be hers. At last, in this way, without her +contrivance, against her will, there had come a way to pay the debt +of honour! + +She sat down and wrote to Mijnheer and named her price. Thirty pounds +she asked for, no more in the future, no less now; that was the only +price she could take for "The Good Comrade," it was the sum +Rawson-Clew had paid to his cousin two years ago. + +Johnny posted the letter that afternoon while Julia began her search +for her father's hidden whisky. + +All the afternoon Captain Polkington sat in the easy-chair, watching +her contemptuously when she was in sight and moving uneasily when she +was not. He did not think she would find anything, at least not at +once, though he was afraid she would if she kept on long enough and he +left his treasure in its present hiding-place. It would not last so +much longer--he dared not contemplate the time when it should all be +gone; it was characteristic of him that he was easily able to avoid +doing so. The principal thought in his mind was a determination that +it should not be found while any remained. That could not and should +not happen; the last little which he had carefully hoarded, which he +had stinted and deprived himself to save--to have that taken away, to +be robbed of that--the tears gathered in his eyes at the pathos of the +thought. + +But the whisky was not found that day, and the Captain, who slept but +badly at this time, lay awake long in the night planning how and when +he could move it to a place of safety further away from the house. He +would have gone down then and there, in spite of the fact that it was +a blustering night of wind and rain and he not fitted to go out in +such weather, but he was afraid of Julia. She was certain to hear and +follow; she had almost an animal's alertness when once she was on the +trail of anything. So he lay and planned and waited, hoping that a +chance would come during the next day. + +It did not. Julia was at home all day and, as she had foreseen, he +made no move while she was about. But the following morning she had to +go to Halgrave about the killing of a pig; Johnny was hardly equal to +making the necessary arrangements and certainly could not do so good +as she. Accordingly, she went herself, not very reluctantly, for she +was nearly certain her father would make an effort to get at his +whisky, if he had any, as soon as her back was turned, and so give +Johnny a chance of finding out about it. Of course it was quite likely +that Johnny, being Johnny, would miss the chance, but he might not, +and even if he did they would not be much worse off than before. So +she thought as she started, leaving the Captain, who was still in bed, +with a very vague idea as to when she would be back. + +He was a good deal annoyed by this vagueness; it meant he would have +to hurry, a thing he hated and did very badly; and, perhaps, entirely +without reason, too, for she might be three hours gone; though, +equally of course, only two, or perhaps--she was capable of anything +unpleasant and unexpected--only one. He began to dress as quickly as +he could; but, owing to long habit of doing it as slowly as he could +so as to postpone more arduous tasks, that was not very fast. He +wished he had known sooner that Julia was going to Halgrave, he would +have begun getting up before this; he would even have got to breakfast +if only she had let him know; so he fumed to himself as he shuffled +about, dropping things with his shaking fingers. At last he was +dressed and came down-stairs to find Johnny, pink and apologetic as he +used to be in the Marbridge days, laboriously doing odd jobs which did +not need doing. + +There was not a detective lost in Mr. Gillat, he had not the making of +a sleuth-hound in him; or even a watch-dog, except, perhaps, of that +well-meaning kind which gets itself perennially kicked for incessant +and incurable tail wagging at inopportune times. The half-hour which +followed Captain Polkington's coming down-stairs was a trying one. The +Captain went to the back door to look out; Mr. Gillat followed him, +though scarcely like his shadow; he was not inconspicuous, and neither +he nor his motive were easy to overlook. The Captain said something +approbious about the weather and the high wind and occasional +heavy swishes of rain; then he went to the sitting-room which lay +behind the kitchen, and near to the front door. Johnny followed him, +and the Captain faced round on him, irritably demanding what the devil +he wanted. + +"To--to see if the register is shut," Mr. Gillat said, beaming at his +own deep diplomacy and the brilliancy of the idea which had come to +him--rather tardily, it is true, still in time to pass muster. + +The Captain flung himself into a chair with a sigh of irritation. "It +is a funny thing I can't be let alone a moment," he said. "I came in +here for a little quiet and coolness, I didn't want you dodging after +me." + +"No," Johnny agreed amiably; "no, of course not." Then, after a long +pause, as if he had just made sure of the fact, "It is cool in here." + +It was, very; it might even have been called cold and raw, for there +had not been a fire there for days, but the Captain did not move, and +Johnny, stooping by the fire-place, examined the register of the +chimney, fondly believing in his own impenetrable deceptiveness. + +"I can't help thinking it ought to be shut," he observed, looking +thoughtfully up the chimney; "the rain will come down; it might rain a +good deal if the wind were to drop." + +"The wind is not going to drop for hours," the Captain snapped; "it is +getting higher." + +A great gust rumbled in the chimney as he spoke, and flung itself with +the thud of a palpable body against the window-pane. Mr. Gillat heard +it; he could not well do otherwise. "Still," he said, "it might rain; +one never knows." + +He took hold of the register with the tongs and tried to shut it. It +was obstinate, and he pulled this way and that, working in his usual +laborious and conscientious way. At last it slipped and he managed to +get it jammed crossways. Thus he had to leave it, for Captain +Polkington, apparently cool enough now, wandered back into the +kitchen. + +Mr. Gillat, of course, followed and arranged and rearranged pots on +the stove till the Captain said he had left his handkerchief +up-stairs. Stairs were trying to his heart, so Johnny had to go for +it. Up he went as fast as he could, and came down again almost faster, +for he tumbled on the second step and slipped the rest of the way with +considerable noise and bumping. + +After that Captain Polkington gave up his efforts to get rid of his +guard and resigned himself to fate. At least, so thought Mr. Gillat, +who no amount of experience could instruct in the guilt of the human +race in general and the Polkingtons in particular. The first hour of +Julia's absence had passed when Johnny went into the back kitchen to +clean knives. He left the door between the rooms open, but from habit +more than from any thought of keeping an eye on his charge. They had +been talking in the ordinary way for some time now, the Captain +sitting so peacefully by the fire that Mr. Gillat had begun to forget +he was supposed to watch. And really it would seem he was justified, +for the Captain, of his own accord, left the easy-chair and followed +him into the back kitchen, standing watching the knife-cleaning. He +had been talking of old times, recalling far back incidents +regretfully; he continued to do so as he watched Johnny at work until +he was interrupted by a loud sizzling in the kitchen. + +"Hullo!" he said, "there's a pot boiling over!" and he made as if he +would go to it but half stopped. "It is the big one," he said, +"perhaps you had better take it off; I'm not good at lifting weights +now-a-days." + +"No, no!" Johnny said hastily; "don't you do it, you leave it to me," +and he hurried into the kitchen to take from the fire a pot which, had +he only remembered it, had not been so near the blaze when he left it. + +"It is too heavy for you," he went on as he lifted it; "I don't know +what is inside, only water, I think; it will be all right here by the +side." + +A gust of wind swept round the kitchen, fluttering the herbs which +hung from the ceiling and blowing the dust and flame from the front of +the fire. + +"Dear, dear!" Mr. Gillat exclaimed as he drew back, "What a wind!" +Then, as he caught the whisper and whistle of the leafless things +which whisper to one another out of doors even in the dead winter +time, he realised that the outer door must be open. + +"Shut it!" he said. "The latch is so old, it is beginning to get worn +out, and the wind is so strong, too. Let me see if I can shut it." He +went to the back kitchen for that purpose and found that he was +talking to empty air, the Captain was gone. + +In great consternation he went out after his charge. He had not had a +minute's start; he could not have got far, not much more than round +the corner of the house. So thought Mr. Gillat, and started round the +nearest corner after him. Julia would not have done that; with the +instinct of the wild animal and the rogue for cover, and for the value +of the obvious in concealment, she would have looked by the water butt +first. It was not a hiding-place; the bush beside did not half conceal +Captain Polkington, yet he stood dark and unobtrusive against it and +so close to the door that in looking out for him one naturally looked +beyond him. As Johnny went round one side of the house the Captain +left the meagre shelter of the butt and went round the other, bent now +on finding some better hiding-place till it should be safe for him to +go to his precious store. And seeing that he was braced by an +insatiable whisky thirst and so possessed by one idea that he had +almost a madman's cunning in achieving his purpose, it is not +wonderful that he succeeded. While Johnny hastily searched the +out-buildings he lay hid. And when at last Mr. Gillat went back to the +house, being convinced that his charge must have gone back before him, +he, nerved and strengthened by a dose of the precious spirit, +carefully climbed over the garden wall, carrying with him all that was +left of his store. It was rather heavy, and the rising wind was +strong, but he was strong, too, and he bore more strength with him. He +could carry a weight and fight with the wind if he wanted to; his +heart was well enough when it was properly treated. And it should be +properly treated as long as he had his comfort, his precious medicine +safe and in a place where prying hands could not touch it. + + * * * * * + +Julia came home from Halgrave later than she expected, but the wind +had increased to a gale, so that walking along the exposed road had +been no easy matter. Johnny by this time was almost desperate with +alarm, for Captain Polkington had not come back and, in spite of a +continuous search in likely and unlikely places, he had not been able +to find any trace of him or his whisky. It is true his search was not +very systematic at the best of times; it is not likely to have been +now; as his alarm increased, it grew worse, until, by the time Julia +came in, it had become little more than a repeated looking in the same +unlikely places and an incessant toiling up and down-stairs and across +the garden in the howling wind. + +His account of the Captain's vanishing was much obscured by +self-condemnation and anxiety, still she managed to make it out and +she did not at first think so very seriously of it. She concluded from +it that her father had succeeded in getting at his whisky and Johnny +had failed to prevent him or find out the whereabouts of the store--a +not very astonishing occurrence. The fact that the Captain had not +returned or shown himself for so long was surprising and to be +regretted, seeing the badness of the weather. But it was not +inexplicable; he might be anxious to demonstrate his freedom, or, by +frightening them, to pay them out for the watch lately kept on him; +or--and this was the one serious aspect of the matter--he might have +taken more of the spirit than he could stand in his weak state and be +too stupid and muddled to come back alone. Julia reassured Johnny as +well as she could, and then, accompanied by him, set to work to search +thoroughly the house, garden and out-buildings. + +It was dinner time before they had finished. Julia came to the doorway +of the bulb shed uneasy and perplexed. "It is clear he is not here," +she said, and turned to fasten the door. A gust of wind tore it from +her hand, flinging it back noisily. She caught it again and secured +it. "It is dinner time," she said; "come along indoors, there is no +reason why you should go hungry because father chooses to." + +Johnny followed her to the house. When they were indoors he said, "Do +you think--you don't think he has had an attack?--that he is lying +unconscious somewhere?" That was precisely what Julia was beginning to +think; there seemed no other possible explanation. Johnny read her +mind in her face and was overwhelmed with the sense of his own +shortcomings and their possible consequences. + +"It is not your fault," Julia assured him; "you might as well say it +is father's for being so foolish and obstinate about his whisky--a +great deal better and more truly say it is mine for leaving you, and +for driving him into this corner, for not having managed the whole +thing better." + +Johnny, though a little relieved that she did not think him to blame, +was not comforted. "Let us go and find him," he said; "we must find +him; never mind about dinner--we must go and look for him--though I +don't know where." + +"We must look beyond the garden," Julia said; "he must have got +further than we first thought--but I don't see how he can be far in +this weather. Cut some cheese and bread; we can eat it as we go +along." + +In a little while they set out together, Julia taking restoratives +with her, though she was also careful to leave some on the +kitchen-table in case Captain Polkington should make his way back and +feel in need of them in her absence. Outside the garden wall one felt +the force of the wind more fully, and realised how impossible it was +that the Captain should have gone far. Julia stood a moment by the +gate. Before her lay the road to Halgrave; her father might have gone +down it a little way; but if he had he must have turned off and sought +concealment somewhere for she had seen no sign of any one when she +came home. To the left stretched the heath-land, brown and bare, to +the belt of wildly tossing pines; it was hard to imagine her father +choosing that way. To the right lay the sandhills, a place of unsteady +outline, earth and sky alike pale and blurred as the north-west wind +fled seawards, lifting and whirling the fine particles till the air +seemed full of them; it was impossible to think of any one choosing +that way. + +"We will go down the road to begin with," Julia said, and started. + +All through the early part of the afternoon they searched; sometimes +stopped for a moment by a gust of wind; Julia caught and whirled, +Johnny brought to a panting standstill. But on again directly, +struggling down the road, looking in ditches and behind scant bushes, +leaving the track first on the right hand then on the left, searching +in likely and unlikely places. But always with the same result, there +was no sign of the missing man. At last, when they had reached a +greater distance than it was possible to imagine the Captain could +have gone, they turned towards the house across the heath. It was +difficult to think of the Captain going that way, seeing he would have +been walking in the teeth of the wind, but it almost seemed he must +have done it. + +The short day was already beginning to close in when they reached the +belt of pines. It had grown much colder; one could almost believe +there would be frost in the air by and by. The wind was lulling a +little; it still roared with strange rushings and half-demented +tearings at the tree-tops, almost like some great spirit prisoned +there, but it had spent its first strength. The rain clouds were +going, too; already in places the sky was swept clear so that a pale +light gleamed behind the trees. + +Julia stood in the vibrant shelter of the pines, pushing back her +hair; she was bareheaded; a hat had been an impossible superfluity +when she started out. + +"Johnny," she said, "we have come too far; father could not have got +to the trees in such weather as it was when he started; we must go +back. I expect he is somewhere nearer home; we have not half searched +the possible radius yet." + +Johnny said "Yes." He was dog-tired, so tired that his anxiety was now +little more than dull despair animated by an unquestioning +determination to continue the search. + +He would have done so somehow, and with his flagging energies been +more hindrance than help, had not Julia prevented him; as they neared +the house, now almost merged in the dusk, she said-- + +"I am going to fetch a lantern; the moon will be up soon, but until +then I shall want a light. I am just coming in to get it, then I shall +go out again; but you must stop at home; father may come back, and if +he found us both out after dark he would think something was wrong and +start to look for us; then we should be worse off than ever." + +Johnny said "Yes"; but suggested, "I think we'd better look round +about the house once more. I think I'll take a light and look round +again." + +Julia did not think it would be much use; however she consented, +though she had to go with Johnny; she did not trust him with a lantern +among the out-buildings. They looked round once more, in the sheds and +in the dark garden; afterwards they went out and looked beyond the +wall all round, on the side where the heather grew and also on the +side where the loose sand came close. It took time; Johnny was too +tired to move quickly or even to understand quickly what was said to +him. At last Julia stopped and spoke decisively. + +"You had better go in now," she said; "it won't do for us both to be +out any longer; one of us must go in, and I think it had better be +you. Make a good fire, see that there is plenty of hot water and get +something to eat so as to be ready to do things when I come back." + +Johnny acquiesced and Julia, having watched him into the house, took +up her lantern and set out in the direction of the sandhills. + +It was her last resource; it did not seem to her likely that her +father could have gone there; at the best of times he disliked the +place, finding it very tiring. Still, with the wind behind him as it +would have been this morning, it is possible he would have found it +the easiest way--if he could have managed to forget what the coming +back would be. At all events she determined to try it, so she set out +for the waste. + +By this time the moon was rising, and, in spite of the driving clouds +which had not all dispersed, at times it shone clear. Beneath it the +stretch of sand lay pale and desolate, a new-formed landscape of fresh +contours, loosely-piled hills and shallow scooped hollows shaped by +to-day's wind. An easy place for a man to miss his way with a gale +blowing and the sand dancing blinding reels. A hard place for a man to +travel far when he had to face the wind; a strong man would have found +it very tiring, a weak man might well have given it up, driven to +waiting for a lull in the weather. As for a man in the Captain's +health--when Julia thought of it she hurried on, although she knew if +her father had to-day, as he had all through his life, followed the +line of least resistance, the chances were that her help would be of +little avail to him now. + +She carried her lantern low, looking carefully for footprints; soon, +however, she put it out; she would do better without in the increasing +moon-light. But she found no prints; after all, as she remembered, she +was hardly likely to; the wind and blowing sand would have obliterated +them. Over the first level of sand she went to the nearest rise +without seeing anything; up to that and down the following hollow, +looking in every curve and indentation, still without seeing anything. +Then she began to climb the next rise. The moon was struggling through +a long cloud, one moment eclipsed, the next shining with a half +radiance which made the landscape unevenly black and white. For a +second it looked out clear, and the sand showed like silver, +tear-spotted with ink in the hollows; then the cloud swept up and all +turned to a level grey. She had climbed to the top of a rise by now, +sinking deep and noiseless into the soft sand. It was too dark to see +what was below; all was shadow, black shadow--or was it a blackness +more substantial than shadow? + +The cloud passed from off the moon's face, the light shone out once +more, turning the sand to silver. All the great empty space, where the +dying wind still throbbed, was white silver, except down in the hollow +where, black and still, lay the man who had followed the line of least +resistance. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +PAYMENT AND RECEIPT + + +On the day of Captain Polkington's funeral, a letter was brought to +White's Cottage. Julia herself took it in, and when she saw that it +was from Holland she asked the postman to wait a minute as she would +be glad if he would post a letter for her. He sat down, nothing loth; +the cottage was the last place on his round and he never minded a rest +there. He waited while Julia went up-stairs with her letter. She +opened it before she got to her room and barely read the contents; +there was enclosed a cheque for thirty pounds, the price of "The Good +Comrade." + +It had come, then, at last, this money for which she had been waiting +two years--but too late. The man in whose name she would have paid the +debt lay dead. She had planned to clear him without his knowledge, +reinstate him in the good opinion of his debtor without letting her +hand be seen; and she could not, for he was dead, and there was no +hand but hers, and no name to clear. It was not a week too late, yet +so much, so bitterly much. Too late for her cherished plan, too late +for any of the things she had hoped, too late for triumph, or joy, or +satisfaction; too late to demonstrate the once hoped for equality; too +late for the fulfilling of anything but a dogged purpose. For a moment +she looked at the cheque, feeling the irony which had sent her the +means of paying his debt now that her father lay in his coffin, +indifferent to his good name and his honour; unable, alike, to clear +or be cleared, to wrong or be wronged; removed by kindly death from +the scope of earthly judgment, even the just thoughts of one who had +suffered on his account. + +She put down the cheque and pencilled some hasty words--"In payment of +Captain Polkington's debt (to Mr. Rawson-Clew) discharged by Hubert +Farquhar Rawson-Clew on the--November 19--" + +So she wrote, then she put the slip with the cheque in an envelope and +addressed it to the London club where the explosive had been sent. + +"It will be posted before the funeral," she thought; "I'm glad--it +will all end together--poor father!" + +She went down-stairs and gave the letter to the postman. Mrs. +Polkington came into the kitchen as she was doing so, for Mrs. +Polkington was at the cottage now. + +There are some women who seem designed by nature for widows, just as +there are others designed for grandmothers and yet others for old +maids. Mrs. Polkington was of the first sort; she seemed specially +created to adorn the position of widow-hood; she certainly did adorn +it; she was a pattern to all widows and did not miss a single point of +the situation. Of course she came to the cottage as soon as possible +after receiving news of her husband's death. The journey was long and +expensive, the weather somewhat bad; that weighed for nothing with +her; she was there as soon as might be, feeling, saying and doing just +what a bereaved widow ought. The fact that she and her husband had +been obliged through the force of circumstances, to live separate the +past year did not alter her emotions, her real tears or her real +grief. Considering the practice and experience she had had it would +have been surprising if she had not succeeded in deceiving herself as +well as most of her world in these things. So acute were her feelings +that when she came into the kitchen and saw Julia dispatching the +letter, she felt quite a shock. + +"What is it?" she asked; "What is the matter?" + +"Only a letter that could not wait," Julia answered. + +"Surely it could have waited till to-morrow," her mother said; "under +the circumstances surely one would be excused." + +Julia thought differently but did not say so, and in silence set about +some necessary preparation. + +The Reverend Richard Frazer came to the funeral; Violet was unable to +do so; he represented her and supported his mother-in-law too. The +banker, Mr. Ponsonby, also made the tedious journey to Halgrave; he +came out of respect for death in the abstract, and also because he +expected affairs would want looking to, and it would suit him better +to do it now than later. These two with Johnny, Julia and her mother, +were the only mourners at the funeral; a few village folk, moved by +curiosity, attended, but no one else; there was not even an empty +carriage, representative of a good family, following the humble +cortège. Mrs. Polkington observed this and felt it; an empty carriage +and good livery following would have given her satisfaction, without +in any way diminishing her sorrow and proper feeling. It is +conceivable she would have found satisfaction in being shipwrecked in +aristocratic company, without at the same time, suffering less than +she ought to suffer. + +After the funeral they returned to the cottage and had a repast of +Julia's providing, eminently suitable to the occasion. Everything was +eminently suitable, every one's behaviour, every one's clothes; Mr. +Frazer's grave face, the banker's jerky manner--the manner of a man +concerned with the world's money market and ill at ease in the +intrusive presence of death. Mrs. Polkington's voice, face, feelings, +sayings, everything. Julia's own behaviour was perfect, though all the +time she saw how it looked as plainly as if she had been another and +disinterested person, and once or twice she had an hysterical desire +to applaud a good stroke of her mother's or prompt a backward speech +of her uncle's. Mr. Gillat, of course, did nothing suitable; he never +did. He kept up a preternaturally cheerful appearance during the meal, +stopping his mouth with large corks of bread, answering "Ah, yes, yes, +just so," indiscriminately whenever he was spoken to, and starting +three separate conversations on the weather on his own account. As +soon as the table was cleared, he fled into the back kitchen, shut +himself in with the dishes, and was seen no more. The others remained +in the sitting-room and talked things over, arranging plans for the +future and for the immediate present. And when the time came and the +conveyance was brought to the gate, they set out on the homeward +journey together. Johnny did not come out of the kitchen to say +good-bye; only Julia came to the gate. + +Mr. Ponsonby was going back home; Mr. Frazer and Mrs. Polkington were +going with him to spend the night in town and go on westwards the next +morning. Mr. Frazer was anxious to get back to his parish, and Mrs. +Polkington to her daughter, who was expecting her first baby shortly. +It was this expected event which prevented the young rector from +asking Julia to stay with him and Violet until such time as she and +her mother could settle somewhere together. It was this same event +which prevented Mrs. Polkington from remaining at White's Cottage and +sharing Julia's solitude until their plans were settled. All this was +explained to Julia in the best Polkington manner and she seemed quite +satisfied with the explanation. Mr. Ponsonby had to be perforce; there +seemed no alternative; all the same he was not quite pleased. It was +all sensible enough, of course, only as he saw Julia standing at the +gate in the November afternoon, he did not quite like it. + +"Look here," he said shortly, "you shut up this place here, send Mr. +Gillat to his friends, or his rooms, or wherever he came from, and +come to me. You can come and make your home with me, and welcome, till +things are settled; there's plenty of room." + +This was a good deal for Mr. Ponsonby to say, considering what an +annoyance the Polkington family had been to him, how--not without +wisdom--he had set his face against letting them into his house for +more than twenty-four hours at a stretch, and how much this particular +member had thwarted and exasperated him at their last meeting. Julia +recognised this and recognised also the kindness of the brusque +suggestion. She thanked him warmly for the offer though she refused +it, assuring him that she and Johnny would be all right at the +cottage. + +"We do not find it lonely," she said; "we are quite happy here, +happier than anywhere else, I think." + +The banker grunted, not convinced; Mr. Frazer shook hands with Julia +and said he hoped it would not be long before he saw her; Mrs. +Polkington reiterated the remark, kissing her the while; then they +drove away and Julia went into the house. She went into the back +kitchen; Mr. Gillat was not there; the dishes were all put away and +the place was quite tidy. Julia went through to the front kitchen; +there she saw Johnny; he was kneeling by the Captain's old chair, his +arms thrown across the seat, his silly pink face buried in them, his +rounded shoulders shaking with sobs. + +Johnny loved as a dog loves, without reason, without thought of +return; not for wisdom, worth or deserts, just because he did love +and, having once loved, loved always; forgiving everything, expecting +nothing--foolish, faithful, true. So he loved his friend, so he +mourned him now, be-blubbering the seat of the shabby chair which +spoke so eloquently to him of the irritable, exacting presence now +gone for ever. + +"Johnny," Julia said softly; "Johnny dear." + +She put a hand on the round shoulders and somehow slipped herself into +the shabby chair. + +"Johnny," she said, "let us sit by the fire awhile and not talk of +anything at all." + +So they sat together till twilight fell. + +The next day there came another to Julia, one who knew nothing of what +had befallen in these last days. It was almost twilight when he came; +Johnny had gone out to collect fir-cones; Julia sent him, partly +because their stock was low and partly because she thought it would do +him good. She did not expect him back much before five o'clock; it +would be dark by then certainly, but not very dark for the day was +clear, with a touch of frost in the air; one of those days when the +last of the sunset burns low down in the sky long after the stars are +out. It was not much after four o'clock when Julia heard something +approaching, certainly not Johnny nor anything connected with him, for +it was the throb of a motor coming fast. Only once before since she +had been at the cottage had she heard that sound on the lonely road, +on the day when Rawson-Clew came. It could not be him now, she was +sure of that. He might have received the money this morning certainly, +but he would not come because of that, rather he would keep away; +there was no reason why he should come. She told herself it was +impossible, and then went to the door to see, puzzled in her own mind +what she should say if the impossible had happened and it was he. + +The throbbing had ceased by now; there was the click of the gate even +as she opened the door, and he--it was he and no other--was coming up +the little brick path in the twilight. His face was curiously clear in +the light which lingered low down; and when she saw it and the look it +wore, all plans of what she should say fled, and the feeling came upon +her which was like that which came when she crouched behind the +chopping-block and he barred the way. It seemed as if he had been +pursuing and she escaping and eluding for a long time, but now--he was +coming up the path and she was standing in the doorway with the pale +light strong on her face and nowhere to fly to and no way of escape. + +"Why did you not tell me before?" he said without any greeting at all, +and he spoke as if he had right and authority. "Why did you let this +thing weigh on you for two years and never say a word of it to me?" + +"I was ashamed," she answered with truth. Then the spirit which still +inhabits some women, making them willing to be won by capture, +prompted her to struggle against the capitulation she was ready to +make. "There was nothing to speak of to you or any one else," she +said, with an effort at her old assurance, and she led the way in as +she spoke. "I never meant to speak of it at all, I meant just to pay +the debt as from father, and not myself appear in it. I did not do it +that way, I know; I could not; I did not get the money till yesterday +and--and"--the assurance faded away pathetically--"that was too late." + +Rawson-Clew looked down, and for the first time noticed her mourning +dress, and realising what it meant, remembered that convention +demanded that a man, whose claim depends on another's death, should +not push it as soon as the funeral is over. However he did not go +away, the pathos of Julia's voice kept him. + +"Late or early would have made little difference," he said; "it is +just the same now as if it had been early. Do you think I should not +have known who sent the money at whatever time and in whatever +circumstances it was paid? Do you think I know two people who would +pay a debt, which can hardly be said to exist, in such a way?" + +But Julia was not comforted. "It is too late," she re-repeated; "too +late for any satisfaction. I thought I would prove that we were honest +and honourable by paying it; I wanted to show father--that I--that our +standard was the same as yours, and I have not." + +"No," he answered, "you have not and you never will; your standard is +not the same as mine; mine is the honour of an accepted convention, +and yours is the honour of a personal truth, a personal experience, +the honour of the soul." + +But she shook her head. "It is not really," she said; "and father--" + +"As to your father," he interrupted gently, "do you not think that +sometimes the potter's thumb slips in the making of a vessel?" + +She looked up with a feeling of gratitude. "Yes," she said; "yes, that +is it, if only we could realise it--poor father. It was partly our +fault, too, mother's, all of ours--and he is dead now." + +"I know. Let him rest in peace; we are concerned no more with his +doings or misdoings; our concern, yours and mine is with the living." + +She did not answer; a piece of wood had fallen from the fire and lay +blazing and spluttering on the hearth; she stooped to pick it up and +he watched her. + +"I know I have no business here now," he said. "Had I known of his +death before, I would not have come to-day; I would have waited, but +since I have come--Julia--" + +She was standing straight now, the wood safely back in the fire; he +put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to him. "Julia, you and +I have always dealt openly, without regarding appearances, let us deal +so now--since I have come. Won't you let me give you a receipt?" + + * * * * * + +Julia said afterwards that receipts for the payment of such debts were +unnecessary and never given; which was perhaps as well, for the one +she received in the dusk was not of a kind recognised at law. Could it +afterwards have been produced it would not have proved the payment of +money, though at the time it proved several things, principally the +fact that, though friendship and comradeship are fine and excellent +things, there are simple primitive passions which leap up through them +and transfigure them and forget them, and it is these which make man +man, and woman woman, and life worth living, and the world worth +winning and losing, too, and bring the kingdom of heaven to earth +again. + +It also proved how exceedingly firmly a man who is in the habit of +wearing a single eyeglass must screw it into his eye, for, as Julia +remarked with some surprise, the one which interested her did not fall +out. + + * * * * * + +Mr. Gillat came home with his fir-cones at a quarter to five. And when +he came he saw that, to him, most fascinating sight--a motor-car, +standing empty and quiet by the gate. He looked at it with keen +interest, then he looked round the empty landscape for its owner, and +not seeing him, wondered if he was in the house. He put away the cones +and came to the conclusion that the owner was not there and the car +was an abandoned derelict. For which, perhaps, he may be forgiven, for +there was no light at the parlour window and no sound of voices that +he could hear from the kitchen; even when he opened the door and +walked in he did not in the firelight see any one besides Julia at +first. + +"Julia," he said, bringing in the astonishing news, "there is a +motor-car outside!" + +"Yes," Julia answered composedly; "but it is going away soon." + +"Not very soon," another voice spoke out of the gloom of the chimney +corner, and Johnny jumped as he recognised it. + +"Dear me!" he said; "dear me! Mr. Rawson-Clew! How do you do? I am +pleased to see you." + +The motor did not go away very soon; it stayed quite as long, rather +longer, in fact, than Mr. Gillat expected. And when it did go, he did +not have the pleasure of seeing it start; he somehow got shut in the +kitchen while Julia went out to the gate. + +When she came back she shut the door carefully, then turned to him, +and he noticed how her eyes were shining. "Johnny," she said, "I am a +selfish beast; I am going to leave you. Not yet, oh, not yet, but one +day." + +Johnny stared a moment, then said, "Of course, oh, of course, to be +sure--to live with your mother, she'll want you. A wonderful woman." + +"Not to live with my mother," Julia said emphatically. "Sit down and I +will tell you all about it." + +And she told, slowly and suitably, fearing that he would hardly +understand the wonderful goodness of fate to her. But she need not +have been afraid; he took her meaning at once, far quicker than she +expected, for he saw no wonder in it, only a very great goodness for +the man who had won her, and a great and radiant happiness for himself +in the happiness that had come to her. As for his loneliness, he never +thought of that, why should he? Of course she would leave him, it was +the right and proper thing to do; she would leave him anyhow. + +"You couldn't go on living with me here," he said; "I mean, I couldn't +go on living with you; it wouldn't be the thing, you know; you must +think of that." + +Julia caught her breath between tears and laughter, but he went on +stoutly: "I shall go back to town, to Mrs. Horn; I shall like it--at +least when I get used to it. It is quite time I went back to town; a +man ought not to stay too long in the country; he gets rusty." + +"You won't go back to town," Julia said; "you will never do that. You +will stay here in the cottage, and Mrs. Gray from next door to the +shop will come and live here as your housekeeper; I am going to +arrange it with her. She will come and she will bring her little +grand-daughter and you will keep on living here always." + +For a moment Johnny's face beamed; the prospect was exquisite; but he +sternly put it from him. "No," he said, "I shouldn't like that; it's +kind of you, but--" + +"Johnny," Julia interrupted, "you should always speak the truth--you +do anything else so badly! I don't mind if you like my plan or not, +you will have to put up with it to help me; some one must take care of +the cottage." + +"But you will want to come yourself," Mr. Gillat protested. + +"Never, unless you are here." + +In the end Julia had her way. Johnny lived at the cottage, and Mrs. +Gray and her grandchild came to keep house. And Billy, Mrs. Gray's +nephew, came to help in the garden and take care of the donkey; in the +spring there was a donkey added to the establishment, and a little +tub-cart which held four children easily, besides Mr. Gillat. And it +is doubtful if, in all the country round, there was a happier man than +he who tended Julia's plants in Julia's garden, and drove parties of +chattering children along the quiet lanes, and sat on warm summer +evenings beside his old friend's grave in Halgrave churchyard. He had +forgotten many things, old slights and old pains, and old losses; +forgotten, perhaps, most things except love. Foolish Johnny, God's +fool, basking in God's sunshine. + +And Julia and Rawson-Clew were married, very quietly, without any pomp +or ostentation at all. And if, on the honeymoon, he did not show her +all the places he had thought of on the day when he travelled north +with the girl with the carnations, it was because he had not several +years at his disposal just then. Afterwards he made up for it as work +allowed and time could be found. In the record of their lives there +are many days noted down as holidays, even such holidays as that first +one spent on the Dunes. In the springtime, when the bulb flowers were +in bloom, they went once more to the Dunes and to the little old town +where the Van Heigens lived. They were received with much ceremony by +Mijnheer and his wife, and entertained at a dinner which lasted from +four till half-past six. It is true that afterwards state had to be +lain aside, for Julia insisted on helping to wash the priceless +Nankeen china while her husband smoked long cigars with Mijnheer on +the veranda, but that was all her own fault. Denah came to tea +drinking, she and her lately-wed husband, the bashful son of a +well-to-do shipowner. She was very smiling and all bustling and +greatly pleased with herself and all things, and if she thought poorly +of Julia for washing the plates, she thought very well of the +glittering rings she had left on the veranda-table and well, too, of +her husband, who she recognised as the mysterious "man of good family" +they had seen on the day they drove to the wood. And afterwards when +the tea drinking was done and the dew was falling, Julia walked with +Joost among his flowers, and heard him speak of his hopes and +ambitions, and knew that in his work he had found all the satisfaction +that a man may reasonably hope for here. + +Later, Julia and her husband walked through the tidy streets of the +town, looking in at lighted windows, listening to the patois of the +peasants and recalling past times. It was then that he told her how he +had that day tried to buy back the streaked daffodil. + +"And Mijnheer would not sell it?" she asked. + +"No," he answered; "not at any price, so I am afraid that you will +have to do without 'The Good Comrade' after all." + +"I?" she said; "I can do quite well. Thank you for trying to get it; +all the same I am not sure I want it back." + +"Do you not? Then I am quite sure that I do not, indeed, I rather +fancy I already have the real 'Good Comrade.'" + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Good Comrade, by Una L. 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Silberrad + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + a[name] {position:absolute;} + + a:link {color:#0000ff; text-decoration:none} + link {color:#0000ff; + text-decoration:none} + a:visited {color:#0000ff; + text-decoration:none} + a:hover {color:#ff0000} + + table { width:80%; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; } + .tocch { text-align: right; vertical-align: top;} + .tocpg {text-align: right; vertical-align: bottom;} + .sig { margin-left:60%; } + .sig1 { margin-left:50%; } + .sig2 { margin-left:80%; } + .sig3 { margin-left:10%; } + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + .img1{ border-style:inset; border-color:#000000; border-width:1px; } + + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Good Comrade, by Una L. Silberrad + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Good Comrade + +Author: Una L. Silberrad + +Illustrator: Anna Whelan Betts + +Release Date: March 27, 2006 [EBook #18060] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GOOD COMRADE *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Sankar Viswanathan, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + +<p class="center"><img src="images/image_01.jpg" alt="Cover" width="500" height="743" /></p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><a name="Frontispiece" id="Frontispiece"></a><img src="images/image_02.jpg" alt="Frontispiece" width="400" height="609" /> +<span class="caption"><br /> +"'Tell me,' she said, 'did you ever really do anything +foolish in your life?'" [See page <a href="#Page_130">130</a>]</span> + +</p> +<h1>The Good Comrade</h1> +<p> </p> +<h3>By</h3> + +<h2>UNA L. SILBERRAD</h2> +<p> </p> +<h4>Illustrated by</h4> +<h3>Anna Whelan Betts</h3> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><img src="images/image_06.jpg" alt="Seal" width="100" height="108" /></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>New York</h3> +<h3>Doubleday, Page & Company</h3> +<h3>1907</h3> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Copyright, 1907, by Doubleday Page & Company<br /> + +Published, September, 1907</span></p> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS</h2> + + + +<table summary="Contents"> +<tr><td> </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span style="font-size:smaller">CHAPTER</span></td><td class="tocpg"><span style="font-size:smaller">PAGE</span></td></tr> +<tr> + <td> </td> + <td> </td> + <td> </td> + <td class="tocpg"> </td> +</tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">I. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#THE_GOOD_COMRADE">The Polkingtons</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">II. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_II">The Debt</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_12">12</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">III. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_III">Narcissus Triandrus Azureum</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_26">26</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">IV. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">The Owner of the Blue Daffodil</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_39">39</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">V. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_V">The Excursion</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_56">56</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">VI. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">Debtor and Creditor</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_70">70</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">VII. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">How Julia Did Not Get the Blue Daffodil</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_88">88</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch"> VIII. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">Pooferchjes and Jealousy</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_108">108</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">IX. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">The Holiday</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_126">126</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">X. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_X">To-morrow</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_144">144</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XI. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">A Reprieve</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_172">172</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XII. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">The Young Cook</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_190">190</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch"> XIII. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">The Heiress</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_202">202</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XIV. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">The End of the Campaign</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_218">218</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XV. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XV">The Good Comrade</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_238">238</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XVI. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">The Simple Life</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_249">249</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch"> XVII. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">Narcissus Triandrus Striatum, The Good Comrade</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_264">264</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XVIII. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">Behind the Chopping-Block</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_281">281</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XIX. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">Captain Polkington</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_300">300</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XX. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XX">The Benefactor</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_316">316</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XXI. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XXI">The Going of The Good Comrade</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_325">325</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch"> XXII. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XXII">The Line of Least Resistance</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_336">336</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tocch">XXIII. </td> + <td> </td> + <td><span class="smcap"><a href="#CHAPTER_XXIII">Payment and Receipt</a></span></td> +<td class="tocpg"><a href="#Page_353">353</a></td></tr> +</table> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="ILLUSTRATIONS" id="ILLUSTRATIONS"></a>ILLUSTRATIONS</h2> + + +<table summary=""> +<tr><td><a href="#Frontispiece">"'Tell me,' she said, 'did you ever + +really do anything<br /> +foolish in your + +life?'" </a></td> +<td><i><a href="#Frontispiece">Frontispiece</a></i></td> +</tr> +<tr><td></td><td><span style="font-size:smaller">FACING<br /> + PAGE</span></td></tr> +<tr><td><a href="#Julia">"Julia"</a></td> +<td><a href="#Page_188">188</a></td></tr> +<tr><td><a href="#A_wonderful_woman">"A wonderful woman"</a></td> +<td><a href="#Page_235">235</a></td></tr> +<tr><td><a href="#Now_you_must">"'Now you must call your flower a name,' he said"</a></td> +<td><a href="#Page_276">276</a></td></tr> +</table> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="THE_GOOD_COMRADE" id="THE_GOOD_COMRADE"></a>THE GOOD COMRADE</h2> + +<h2>CHAPTER I</h2> +<h3>THE POLKINGTONS</h3> +<p>The Polkingtons were of those people who do not dine. They lunched, +though few besides Johnny Gillat, who did not count, had been invited +to share that meal with them. They took tea, the daintiest, +pleasantest, most charming of teas, as the <i>élite</i> of Marbridge knew; +everybody—or, rather, a selection of everybody, had had tea with them +one time or another. After that there was no record; the <i>élite</i>, who +would as soon have thought of going without their heads as without +their dinner, concluded they dined, because they were "one of us." But +some humbler folk were of opinion that they only dined once a week, +and that after morning service on Sundays; but even this idea was +dispelled when the eldest Miss Polkington was heard to excuse her +non-appearance at an organ recital because "lunch was always so late +on Sunday."</p> + +<p>Let it not be imagined from this that the Polkingtons were common +people—they were not; they were extremely well connected; indeed, +their connections were one of the two striking features about them, +the other was their handicap, Captain Polkington, late of the ——th +Bengal Lancers. He was well connected, though not quite so much so as +his wife; still—well, but he was not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span> very presentable. If only he +had been dead he would have been a valuable asset, but living, he was +decidedly rather a drawback; there are some relatives like this. Mrs. +Polkington bore up under it valiantly; in fact, they all did so well +that in time they, or at least she and two of her three daughters, +came almost to believe some of the legends they told of the Captain.</p> + +<p>The Polkingtons lived at No. 27 East Street, which, as all who know +Marbridge are aware, is a very good street in which to live. The house +was rather small, but the drawing-room was good, with two beautiful +Queen Anne windows, and a white door with six panels. The rest of the +house did not matter. On the whole the drawing-room did not so very +much matter, because visitors seldom went into it when the Miss +Polkingtons were not there; and when they were, no one but a jealous +woman would have noticed that the furniture was rather slight, and +there were no flowers except those in obvious places.</p> + +<p>There was only one Miss Polkington in the drawing-room that wintry +afternoon—Julia, the middle one of the three, the only one who could +not fill even a larger room to the complete obliteration of furniture +and fitments. Julia was not pretty, therefore she was seldom to be +found in the drawing-room alone; she knew better than to attempt to +occupy that stage by herself. But it was now almost seven o'clock, too +late for any one to come; also, since there was no light but the fire, +deficiencies were not noticeable. She felt secure of interruption, and +stood with one foot on the fender, looking earnestly into the fire.</p> + +<p>That day had been an important one to the Polkingtons; Violet, the +eldest of the sisters, had that afternoon accepted an offer of +marriage from the Reverend Richard<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span> Frazer. The young man had not left +the house an hour, and Mrs. Polkington was not yet returned from some +afternoon engagement more than half, but already the matter had been +in part discussed by the family. Julia, standing by the drawing-room +fire, was in a position to review at least some points of the case +dispassionately. Violet was two and twenty, tall, and of a fine +presence, like her mother, but handsomer than the elder woman could +ever have been. She had undoubted abilities, principally of a social +order, but not a penny apiece to her dower. She had this afternoon +accepted Richard Frazer, though he was only a curate—an aristocratic +one certainly, with a small private income, and an uncle lately made +bishop of one of the minor sees. Violet was fond of him; she was too +nice a girl to accept a man she was not fond of, though too well +brought up to become fond of one who was impossible. The engagement, +though it probably did not fulfil all Mrs. Polkington's ambitions, was +in Julia's opinion a good thing for several reasons.</p> + +<p>There was a swish and rustle of silk by the door—Mrs. Polkington did +not wear silk skirts, only a silk flounce somewhere, but she got more +creak and rustle out of it than the average woman does out of two +skirts. An imposing woman she was, with an eye that had once been +described as "eagle," though, for that, it was a little inquiring and +eager now, by reason of the look-out she had been obliged to keep for +a good part of her life. She entered the room now, followed by her +eldest and youngest daughters, Violet and Chèrie.</p> + +<p>"At twelve to-morrow?" she was saying as she came in. "Is that when he +is coming to see your father?"</p> + +<p>Violet said it was; then added, in a tone of some dissatisfaction, "I +suppose he must see father about it? We couldn't arrange something?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Certainly not," Mrs. Polkington replied with decision; "it is not for +me to give or refuse consent to your marriage. Of course, Mr. Frazer +knows your father does not have good health, or trouble himself to mix +much in society here—it is not likely that an old military man +should, but in a case like this he would expect to be called upon; it +would have shown a great lack of breeding on Mr. Frazer's part had he +suggested anything different."</p> + +<p>Violet agreed, though she did not seem exactly convinced, and Julia +created a diversion by saying—</p> + +<p>"Twelve is rather an awkward time. A quarter of an hour with father, +five minutes—no, ten—with you, half an hour with Violet, altogether +brings it very near lunch time."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Frazer will, of course, lunch with us to-morrow," Mrs. Polkington +said, as if stray guests to lunch were the most usual and convenient +thing in the world. The Polkingtons kept up a good many of their +farces in private life; most of them found it easier, as well as +pleasanter, to do so. "The cold beef," Mrs. Polkington said, mentally +reviewing her larder, "can be hashed; that and a small boned loin of +mutton will do, he would naturally expect to be treated as one of the +family; fortunately the apple tart has not been cut—with a little +cream—"</p> + +<p>"I thought we were to have the tart to-night," Julia interrupted, +thinking of Johnny Gillat, who was coming to spend the evening with +her father.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington thought of him too, but she did not change her mind on +this account. "We can't, then," she said, and turned to the discussion +of other matters. She had carried these as far as the probable date of +marriage, and the preferment the young man might easily expect, when +the little servant came up to announce Mr. Gillat.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington did not express impatience. "Is he in the +dining-room?" she said. "I hope you lighted the heater, Mary."</p> + +<p>Mary said she had, and Mrs. Polkington returned to her interesting +subject, only pausing to remark, "How tiresome that your father is not +back yet!"</p> + +<p>For a little none of the three girls moved, then Julia rose.</p> + +<p>"Are you going down to Mr. Gillat?" her mother asked. "There really is +no necessity; he is perfectly happy with the paper."</p> + +<p>Perhaps he was, though the paper was a half-penny morning one; he did +not make extravagant demands on fate, or anything else; nevertheless, +Julia went down.</p> + +<p>The Polkingtons' house was furnished on an ascending scale, which +found its zenith in the drawing-room, but deteriorated again very +rapidly afterwards. The dining-room, being midway between the kitchen +and the drawing-room, was only a middling-looking apartment. They did +not often have a fire there; a paraffin lamp stove stood in the +fire-place, leering with its red eye as if it took a wicked +satisfaction in its own smell. Before the fire-place, re-reading the +already-known newspaper by the light of one gas jet, sat Johnny +Gillat. Poor old Johnny, with his round, pink face, whereon a grizzled +little moustache looked as much out of place as on a twelve-year-old +school-boy. There was something of the school-boy in his look and in +his deprecating manner, especially to Mrs. Polkington; he had always +been a little deprecating to her even when he had first known her, a +bride, while he himself was the wealthy bachelor friend of her +husband. He was still a bachelor, and still her husband's friend, but +the wealth had gone long ago. He had now only just enough to keep him, +fortunately so secured that he could<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span> not touch the principal. It was +a mercy he had it, for there was no known work at which he could have +earned sixpence, unless perhaps it was road scraping under a not too +exacting District Council. He was a harmless enough person, but when +he took it into his head to leave his lodgings in town for others, +equally cheap and nasty, at Marbridge, Mrs. Polkington felt fate was +hard upon her. It was like having two Captain Polkingtons, of a +different sort, but equally unsuitable for public use, in the place. +In self defence she had been obliged to make definite rules for Mr. +Gillat's coming and going about the house, and still more definite +rules as to the rooms in which he might be found. The dining-room was +allowed him, and there he was when Julia came.</p> + +<p>He looked up as she entered, and smiled; he regarded her as almost as +much his friend as her father; a composite creature, and a necessary +connection between the superior and inferior halves of the household.</p> + +<p>"Father not in, I hear," he said.</p> + +<p>"No," Julia answered. "What a smell there is!"</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat allowed it. "There's something gone wrong with Bouquet," he +said, thoughtfully regarding the stove.</p> + +<p>The "Bouquet Heater" was the name under which it was patented; it did +not seem quite honest to speak of it as a heater, so perhaps "Bouquet" +was the better name.</p> + +<p>Julia went to it. "I should think there is," she said, and turned it +up, and turn it down, and altered the wicks, until she had improved +matters a little.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid your father's having larks," Johnny said, watching her.</p> + +<p>"It's rather a pity if he is," Julia answered; "he has got to see some +one on business to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"Who?"</p> + +<p>"Mr. Frazer, a clergyman who wants to marry Violet."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat sat upright. "Dear, dear!" he exclaimed. "No? Really?" and +when Julia had given him an outline of the circumstances, he added +softly, "A wonderful woman! I always had a great respect for your +mother." From which it is clear he thought Mrs. Polkington was to be +congratulated. "And when is it to be?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Violet says a year's time; they could not afford to marry sooner and +do it properly, but it will have to be sooner all the same."</p> + +<p>"A year is not a very long time," Mr. Gillat observed; "they go fast, +years; one almost loses count of them, they go so fast."</p> + +<p>"I dare say," Julia answered, "but Violet will have to get married +without waiting for the year to pass. We can't afford a long +engagement."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat looked mildly surprised and troubled; he always did when +scarcity of money was brought home to him, but Julia regarded it quite +calmly.</p> + +<p>"The sooner Violet is married," she said, "the sooner we can reduce +some of the expenses; we are living beyond our income now—not a great +deal, perhaps, still a bit; Violet's going would save enough, I +believe; we could catch up then. That is one reason, but the chief is +that a long engagement is expensive; you see, we should have to have +meals different, and fires different, and all manner of extras if Mr. +Frazer came in and out constantly. We should have to live altogether +in a more expensive style; we might manage it for three months, or six +if we were driven to it, but for a year—it is out of the question."</p> + +<p>"But," Mr. Gillat protested, "if they can't afford it? You said he +could not; he is a curate."</p> + +<p>"He must get a living, or a chaplaincy, or something; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span>or rather, I +expect we must get it for him. Oh, no, we have no Church influence, +and we don't know any bishops; but one can always rake up influence, +and get to know people, if one is not too particular how."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat looked at her uneasily; every now and then there flitted +through his mind a suspicion that Julia was clever too, as clever +perhaps as her mother, and though not, like her, a moral and social +pillar standing in the high first estate from which he and the Captain +had fallen. Julia had never been that, never aspired to it; she was no +success at all; content to come and sit in the dining-room with him +and Bouquet; she could not really be clever, or else she would have +achieved something for herself, and scorned to consort with failures. +He smiled benignly as he remembered this, observing, "I dare say +something will be done—I hope it may; your mother's a wonderful +woman, a wonderful—"</p> + +<p>He broke off to listen; Julia listened too, then she rose to her feet. +"That's father," she said, and went to let him in.</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat followed her to the door. "Ah—h'm," he said, as he saw the +Captain coming in slowly, with a face of despairing melancholy and a +drooping step.</p> + +<p>"Come down-stairs, father," Julia said. "Come along, Johnny."</p> + +<p>They followed her meekly to the basement, where there was a gloomy +little room behind the kitchen reserved for the Captain's special use. +A paraffin stove stood in the fire-place also, own brother to the one +in the dining-room; Julia stooped to light it, while her father sank +into a chair.</p> + +<p>"Gillat," he said in a voice of hopelessness, "I am a ruined man."</p> + +<p>"No?" Mr. Gillat answered sympathetically, but without surprise. "Dear +me!" He carefully put down the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> hat and stick he had brought with him, +the one on the edge of the table, the other against it, both so badly +balanced that they fell to the ground.</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't do it, you know," he said, with mild reproof; "you +really shouldn't."</p> + +<p>"Do it!" the Captain cried. "Do what?"</p> + +<p>Julia looked up from the floor where she knelt trimming the +stove-lamp. "Have five whiskeys and sodas," she said, examining her +father judicially.</p> + +<p>He did not deny the charge; Julia's observation was not to be avoided.</p> + +<p>"And what is five?" he demanded with dignity.</p> + +<p>"Three too many for you," she answered.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to insinuate that I am intoxicated?" he asked. "Johnny," +he turned pathetically to his friend, "my own daughter insinuates that +I am intoxicated."</p> + +<p>"No," Julia said, "I don't; I say it does not agree with you, and it +doesn't—you know you ought not to take more than two glasses."</p> + +<p>"Is that your opinion, Gillat?" Captain Polkington asked. "Is that +what you meant? That I—I should confine myself to two glasses of +whiskey and water?"</p> + +<p>"I wasn't thinking of the whiskey," Johnny said apologetically; "it +was the gees."</p> + +<p>The Captain groaned, but what he said more Julia did not hear; she +went out into the kitchen to get paraffin. But she had no doubt that +he defended the attacked point to his own satisfaction, as he always +had done—cards, races, and kindred pleasant, if expensive, things, +ever since the days long ago before he sent in his papers.</p> + +<p>These same pleasant things had had a good deal to do with the sending +in of the papers; not that they had led the Captain into anything +disgraceful, the compulsion to resign his commission came solely from +relatives, prin<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>cipally those of his wife. It was their opinion that +he worked too little and played too much, and an expensive kind of +play. That he drank too much was not said; of course, the Indian +climate and life tempted to whiskey pegs, and nature had not fitted +him for them in large quantities; still that was never cast up against +him. Enough was, however, to bring things to an end; he resigned, +relations helped to pay his debts, and he came home with the avowed +intention of getting some gentlemanly employment. Of course he never +got any, it wasn't likely, hardly possible; but he had something left +to live upon—a very small private income, a clever wife, and some +useful and conscientious relations.</p> + +<p>Somehow the family lived, quite how in the early days no one knew; +Mrs. Polkington never spoke of it at the time, and now, mercifully, +she had forgotten part, but the struggle must have been bitter. +Herself disillusioned, her daughters mere children, her position +insecure, and her husband not yet reduced to submission, and always +prone to slip back into his old ways. But she had won through somehow, +and time had given her the compensations possible to her nature. She +was, by her own untiring efforts, a social factor now, even a social +success; her eldest daughter was engaged to a clergyman of sufficient, +if small, means, and her youngest was almost a beauty. As to the +Captain, he was still there; time had not taken him away, but it had +reduced him; he gave little trouble now even when Johnny Gillat came; +he kept so out of the way that she had almost come to regard him as a +negligible factor—which was a mistake.</p> + +<p>Both the Captain and his friend had a great respect for Mrs. +Polkington, though both felt at times that she treated them a little +hardly. The Captain especially felt this, but he put up with it; after +all it is easier to acqui<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>esce than to assert one's rights, and, as +Johnny pointed out, it was on the whole more comfortable, in spite of +horse-hair chairs, down in the basement than up in the drawing-room. +There was no need to make polite conversation down here, and one might +smoke, no matter how cheap the tobacco, and put one's feet up, and +really Bouquet was almost as good as a fire when you once get used to +it.</p> + +<p>Johnny was of a contented mind, he even looked contented sitting by +the empty stove when Julia came back with the paraffin; the Captain, +on the other hand, appeared to be very gloomy and unhappy; he sat +silent all the time his daughter was present. As she was leaving the +room Johnny tried to rouse him. "We might have a game," he suggested, +looking towards a pack of cards that stuck out of a half-opened +drawer.</p> + +<p>"I have nothing in the world that I can call my own," Captain +Polkington answered, without moving.</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat felt in his own lean pockets surreptitiously. "We might +play for paper," he said.</p> + +<p>And as she went up-stairs Julia listened to hear their chairs scroop +on the kamptulikon floor as they drew them to the table; she was +surprised not to hear the sound, but she imagined the game must have +been put off a little so that her father could talk over his troubles. +Which, indeed, was the case, though the magnitude of those troubles +she did not guess.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II</h2> + +<h3>THE DEBT</h3> +<p>Violet's engagement was an accepted fact. Mr. Frazer came to see the +Captain, who received him in the dining-room—the combined ingenuity +of the family could not make the down-stairs room presentable. The +interview was short, but satisfactory; so also was the one with Mrs. +Polkington which followed; with Violet it was longer, but, no doubt, +equally satisfactory. Lunch, too, was all that could be desired. Mrs. +Polkington's manners were always gracious, and to-day she had a +charming air of taking Richard into the family—after having shut all +the doors, actual and metaphorical, which led to anything real and +personal. The Captain was rather twittery at lunch, at times inclined +to talk too much, at times heavily silent and always obviously +submissive to his wife. Yesterday's excitement was not enough to +account for this in Julia's opinion. "He has been doing something," +she decided, and wondered what.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington and her daughters all went out that afternoon; Julia, +however, returned at about dusk. As the others had no intention of +coming back so soon, there was no drawing-room tea; a much simpler +meal was spread in the dining-room. Julia and her father had only just +sat down to it when they heard Johnny Gillat's knock at the front +door, followed a minute afterwards by Mr. Gillat himself; but when he +saw that the Captain was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> not alone, he stopped on the threshold; +Julia's presence, contrary to custom, seemed to discompose him. He, +then, was in her father's secret, whatever it might be; she guessed as +much when she saw his perturbed pink face. However, she did not say +anything, only invited Mr. Gillat to have some tea.</p> + +<p>Johnny sat down, and put a small and rather badly tied parcel beside +him; next minute he picked it up again, and began surreptitiously to +put it into first one pocket and then another. It was rather a tight +fit, and in his efforts to do it unobtrusively, he made some +disturbance, but no one remarked on it; Captain Polkington because he +was too despondent, Julia because it did not seem worth while. +Conversation languished; Julia did what she could, but her father +answered in monosyllables, and Mr. Gillat said, "Very true," or "Ah, +yes, yes," eating slice after slice of thick bread and butter, and +filling his mouth very full as if to cork it up and so prevent his +having to answer awkward questions.</p> + +<p>At last Captain Polkington rose; "Gillat," he said, "if you have +finished, we may as well go down-stairs."</p> + +<p>Johnny set down his half-finished cup of tea with alacrity, and with +alacrity followed the Captain. But Julia followed too; Johnny turned +uneasily as he heard her step behind him on the dark stairs; +doubtless, so he told himself, she was going to the kitchen. She was +not, however; on the contrary, she showed every sign of accompanying +them to the little room behind.</p> + +<p>"Do you want anything, Julia?" her father asked, turning about in the +doorway; "I'm busy to-night—I wish you would go away."</p> + +<p>The sentence began with dignity, but ended with querulousness. But +Julia was not affected; she came into the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>room. "I want to talk to +you," she said, closing the door. "You had much better tell me about +it, you will be found out, you know; mother would have guessed there +was something wrong to-day if she had not been so busy with Mr. +Frazer."</p> + +<p>"Found out in what?" the Captain demanded; "I should like to know of +what you accuse me—you, my own daughter—this is much, indeed."</p> + +<p>He paced the hearthrug with outraged dignity, but Julia only drew one +of the horse-hair chairs to the table. "You would do better to tell +me," she said; "I might be able to help you—Johnny, won't you sit +down?"</p> + +<p>Johnny took the cane deck-chair, sitting down nervously and so near +the edge that the old chair creaked ominously. Captain Polkington +paced the rug once or twice more, then he sat down opposite, giving up +all pretence of dignity.</p> + +<p>"It is money, of course," Julia went on; "I suppose you lost at the +races yesterday—how much?"</p> + +<p>The Captain did not answer, he seemed overwhelmed by his troubles. +"How much?" Julia repeated, turning to Mr. Gillat.</p> + +<p>"It was rather much," that gentleman answered apologetically.</p> + +<p>Julia looked puzzled. "How could he have much to lose?" she asked. +"You couldn't, you know," bending her brows as she looked at her +father—"unless you borrowed—did you borrow?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes," he said, rather eagerly; "I borrowed—that was it; of +course I was going to pay back—I am going to pay back."</p> + +<p>"From whom did you borrow?" Another pause, and the question again, +then the Captain explained confusedly: "The cheque—it came a day +early—I merely meant to make use of it for the day—"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p> + +<p>"The cheque!" Julia repeated, with dawning comprehension. "The cheque +from Slade & Slade that mother was speaking of this morning. Our +cheque, the money we have to live on for the next three months?"</p> + +<p>"My cheque," her father said, with one last effort at dignity; "made +out to me—my income that I have a perfect right to spend as I like; I +used my own money for my own purposes."</p> + +<p>He forgot that a moment back he had excused the act as a borrowing; +Julia did not remind him, she was too much concerned with the facts to +trouble about mere turns of speech. They, like words and motives, had +not heretofore entered much into her considerations; consequences were +what was really important to her—how the bad might be averted, how +the good drawn that way, and all used to the best advantage. This +point of view, though it leaves a great deal to be desired, has one +advantage—those who take it waste no time in lamentation or reproof. +For that reason they are perhaps some of the least unpleasant people +to confess to.</p> + +<p>Julia wasted no words now; she sat for a brief minute, stunned by the +magnitude of the calamity which had deprived them of the largest part +of their income for the next three months; then she began to look +round in her mind to see what might be done. Captain Polkington +offered a few not very coherent explanations and excuses, to which she +did not listen, and then relapsed into silence. Johnny sat opposite, +rubbing his hands in nervous sympathy, and looking from father to +daughter; he took the silence of the one to be as hopeless as that of +the other.</p> + +<p>"We thought," he ventured at last, tugging at the parcel now firmly +wedged in his pocket. "We hoped, that is, we thought perhaps we might +raise a trifle, it wouldn't be much help—"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span></p> + +<p>But neither of the others were listening to him, and Captain +Polkington interrupted with his own remedy, "We shall have to manage +on credit," he said; "we can get credit for this three months."</p> + +<p>"We can't," Julia assured him; "the greater part of that money was to +have paid outstanding bills; we can't live on credit, because we +haven't got any to live on."</p> + +<p>"That's nonsense," her father said; "it can be done with care and +economy, and retrenchments."</p> + +<p>Julia did not answer, so Johnny took up the words. "Yes, yes," he +said, "one can always retrench; it is really marvellous how little one +can do with, in fact one is better for it; I feel a different man for +having to retrench. Your mother's a wonderful woman"—he stopped, then +added doubtfully as he thought of the lost apple tart—"I suppose, +though, she would want to make a good appearance just now, with the +engagement, Mr. Frazer in and out. It is very unfortunate, very."</p> + +<p>By this time he had untied his parcel, and flattening the paper on his +knees began to put the contents on the table. There were some +field-glasses, a breast pin, and a few other such things; when he had +put them all out he felt in his waistcoat-pocket for his watch.</p> + +<p>"They would fetch a trifle," he said, regarding the row a little +proudly.</p> + +<p>"Those?" Julia asked, puzzled.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Mr. Gillat said; "not a great deal, of course, but it would be +a help—it might pay the butcher's bill. It's a great thing to have +the butcher's bill paid; I've heard my landlady say so; it gives a +standing with the other tradespeople, and that's what you want—she +often says so."</p> + +<p>"You mean you think of selling them for us?" Julia asked, fixing her +keen eyes on Johnny, so that he felt<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> very guilty, and as if he ought +to excuse himself. But before he could do it she had swept his +belongings together. "You won't do anything of the kind," she said.</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"Because we won't have it. Pack them up."</p> + +<p>"Oh, but," Johnny protested, "it would be a little help, it would +indeed; they would fetch something, the glasses are good ones, though +a bit old-fashioned, and the watch—"</p> + +<p>"I don't care, I won't have it," and Julia took the matter into her +own hands, and began with a flushed face to re-pack the things +herself.</p> + +<p>"Is it that you think I can't spare them?" Gillat asked, still +bewildered. "I can—what an idea," he laughed. "What do I want with +field-glasses, now? And as to a watch, my time's nothing to me!"</p> + +<p>"No, I dare say not," Julia said, but she tied the parcel firmly, then +she gave it to him. "Take it away," she said, "and don't try to sell a +thing."</p> + +<p>She opened the door as she spoke, and he, accepting it as a hint of +dismissal, meekly followed her from the room. When they had reached +the hall above he ventured on a last protest. "Why may I not sell +anything?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Because we have not quite come to that," she said, with a ring of +bitterness in her voice: "We have come pretty low, I know, with our +dodges and our shifts, but we haven't quite come to depriving you. +Johnny"—and she stretched out a hand to him, a thing which was rare, +for no one thought it necessary to shake hands with Mr. Gillat—"it's +very good of you to offer; I'm grateful to you; I'm awfully glad you +did it; you made me ashamed."</p> + +<p>Johnny looked at her perplexed; the note of bitterness<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> in her voice +had deepened to something more he was altogether at a loss to +understand. But she gave him no opportunity for inquiry, for she +opened the street door.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye," she said, her usual self again, "and don't you let me +catch you selling those things."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I say! But how will you manage?" he protested.</p> + +<p>"Somehow; I have got several ideas already; I'm better at this sort of +game than you are, you know."</p> + +<p>And she shut the door upon him; then she went back to Captain +Polkington.</p> + +<p>"Father," he said, "would you mind telling me if you have borrowed any +other money? It would be much simpler if we knew just how we stood."</p> + +<p>The Captain seemed to have a painfully clear idea of how he stood. +"Your mother," he remarked, with apparent irrelevance, "is such an +unreasonable woman; if she were like you—if she saw things sensibly. +But she won't, she'll make a fuss; she will entirely overlook the fact +that it is my own money that I have lost."</p> + +<p>"I am afraid she will," Julia agreed. "Will you tell me if you lost +any one else's money as well?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, a trifle," the Captain said; "nothing to speak of yesterday; I +have borrowed a little now and again, at cards and so on; a trifling +accommodation."</p> + +<p>"From whom?"</p> + +<p>"Rawson-Clew."</p> + +<p>Julia nodded; this was bad, but it might have been worse. Mr. +Rawson-Clew was not a personal friend of the Polkingtons, and he was +not a man in an inferior position who might presume upon his loan to +the Captain to establish a friendly footing. On the contrary, he was +in a superior position, so much so that for a moment Julia was at a +loss to understand how he came to accommodate <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span>her father. Then she +recalled his face—he had been pointed out to her—he looked a +good-natured fool; probably he had met the Captain somewhere and been +sorry for him, or perhaps he did not like to say "no." In any case he +had lent the money and, so Julia fancied, would have to wait a very +long time before he saw it again. She dismissed the young man from her +mind and fell to working out plans to meet the more pressing +difficulties.</p> + +<p>The relations would have to help; not with money; they would not do +that to a useful extent, but with invitations. Chèrie was easily +provided for; Aunt Louise had before offered to take her abroad for +the winter; Chèrie did not in the least want to go; it was likely to +be nothing nicer than acting as unpaid companion to a fidgety old +lady; but under the present circumstances she would have to go. For +Violet it was not quite so easy; it would look rather odd for her to +go visiting among obliging relatives, seeing that she was only just +engaged—how things looked was a point the Polkingtons always +considered. But it would have to be managed; Julia fancied something +might be arranged at Bath, a place which was a cheap fare from +Marbridge. Mrs. Polkington would probably go somewhere for part of the +time, then there could be some real retrenchments not otherwise +possible. Mary might be dismissed; Mr. Gillat even might come to board +with them for a little; the outside world need not know he was a guest +that paid.</p> + +<p>Julia was not satisfied with these plans; they would barely meet the +difficulty she knew, even with credit stretched to the uttermost and +the household crippled for some time; but she could think of nothing +better, and determined to suggest them to Mrs. Polkington. With these +thoughts in her mind, she went up-stairs; as she passed the +drawing-room, she noticed that the blinds had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> not been pulled down; +she went to the window to remedy the omission, and so saw in the +street below the young man who, with the debt owing to him, she had +lately dismissed from her mind. There was a street lamp directly below +the window, and she stood a moment by the curtain looking down. Mr. +Rawson-Clew was riding past, but slowly; it was quite possible to see +his face, which did not contradict her former opinion—good-natured +but foolish, and possibly weak. He turned in his saddle just below the +window to speak to his companion, and she noticed that it was a +stranger with him, a man wearing a single eyeglass, ten years older +than the other, and of a totally different stamp. Indeed, of a stamp +differing from any she had seen at Marbridge, so much so that she +wondered how he came to be here, and what he was doing. But this was +rather a waste of time, for the next day she knew.</p> + +<p>The next day he came down the street again, but this time alone and on +foot. He stopped at No. 27, and there asked for Captain Polkington. +Julia, hearing the knock, and the visitor subsequently being ushered +into the dining-room, guessed it must be Mr. Gillat, perhaps come with +his parcel again; when she saw Mary she asked her.</p> + +<p>"No, miss," was the answer; "it's another gentleman to see the +master."</p> + +<p>"Who?" Julia's mind was alert for fresh difficulties.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Rawson-Clew."</p> + +<p>"I don't know who he is," Mary went on; "I've never set eyes on him +before, but he's a grand sort of gentleman; I hardly liked to put him +in the dining-room, only missis's orders was 'Mr. Gillat or any +gentleman to see the master there.'"</p> + +<p>Which was true enough, and might reasonably have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> been reckoned a safe +order, for no one but Mr. Gillat ever did come to see the Captain.</p> + +<p>"I hope I've done right," Mary said.</p> + +<p>"Quite right," Julia answered, though she did not feel so sure of it. +The name and the vague description of the visitor somehow suggested to +her mind the stranger who had ridden past with young Mr. Rawson-Clew. +She went up-stairs, uneasy as much from intuition as from experience. +In the hall she stood a minute. The dining-room door did not shut too +well, the lock was old and worn, and unless it was fastened carefully, +it came open; the Captain never managed to fasten it, and now it stood +ajar; Julia could hear something of what was said within almost as +soon as she reached the top of the kitchen stairs. The visitor spoke +quietly, his words were not audible, but the Captain's voice was +raised with excitement.</p> + +<p>"The money, sir, the money that your cousin lent—accommodation +between gentlemen—"</p> + +<p>So Julia heard incompletely, and then another disjointed sentence.</p> + +<p>"Do you take me for an adventurer, a sharper? I am a soldier, sir, a +soldier and a gentleman—at least, I was—I mean I was a soldier, I am +a gentleman—"</p> + +<p>Julia came swiftly up the hall, the instinct of the female to spread +frail wings and protect her helpless belongings (old equally as much +as young) was strong upon her. The pushed open the dining-room door +and walked in.</p> + +<p>"Father," she said, "is anything the matter?"</p> + +<p>Both men turned, the stranger clearly surprised and annoyed by the +interruption, the Captain for a moment thinking of pulling himself +together and dismissing his daughter with a lie. But he did not do it; +he was too shaken to think quickly, also there was a sense of +re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span>inforcement in her presence; this he did not realise; indeed, he +realised nothing except that she spoke again before he had collected +himself.</p> + +<p>"Is it about the money Mr. Rawson-Clew lent you?" she asked.</p> + +<p>He nodded, and she turned to the other man, who had risen on her +entrance, and now stood with his back to the evil-smelling stove which +Mary had lighted as usual in honour of Captain Polkington's visitors. +She measured him swiftly, and no detail escaped her; the well-bred +impassive face, where the annoyance caused by her entrance showed only +in the rather hard eyes; the straight figure, even the perfection of +his tailoring and the style of his boots—she summed it all up with +the rapidity of one who has had to depend on her wits before. And her +wits were to be depended on, for, in spite of the warmth of her +protective anger, she felt his superiority of person, position and +ability, and, only too probably, of cause also. She could have laughed +at the contrast he presented to her father and herself and the +surroundings. It was perhaps for this reason that she asked him +maliciously, "Have you come to collect the debt?"</p> + +<p>The question went home. "Certainly not," he answered haughtily; "the +money—"</p> + +<p>But the Captain prevented whatever he was going to say. "He thinks I +am an adventurer, a sharper," he bleated, now thoroughly throwing +himself on his daughter's protection; "his intention seems to be a +warning not to try to get anything more out of his cousin—something +of that sort."</p> + +<p>Julia paid little attention to her father. "You were going to say," +she inquired serenely of Rawson-Clew, "something about the money, I +think?"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span></p><p>"No," he answered, with cold politeness. "I only meant to suggest +that this is perhaps rather an unpleasant subject for a lady."</p> + +<p>He moved as if he would open the door for her, but she stood her +ground. "It is unpleasant," she said; "for that reason had we not +better get it over quickly? You have not come to collect the debt, you +have come, then, for what?"</p> + +<p>"To make one or two things plain to Captain Polkington. I believe I +have succeeded; if so, he will no doubt tell you anything you wish to +know. Good afternoon," and he moved to the door on his own account, +whereupon Julia's calmness gave way.</p> + +<p>"You do think my father an adventurer, then?" she said. "You think him +a sharper and your cousin a gull, and you came to warn him that if he +tried to get anything more in future it was you with whom he would +have to deal. And the money—you were going to say the money was not +what you came for because you never expected to see it again? But you +are wrong there; you shall see it; it will be repaid, every penny of +it."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew paused till she had finished; then, "I am sorry for any +misunderstanding there may have been," he said. "I trust you will +trouble yourself no farther in the matter," and he opened the door.</p> + +<p>It was not a denial; it was not, so Julia considered, even an apology; +to her it seemed more like a polite request to mind her own business, +and she went up to her room after he had gone almost unjustly angry, +too angry for the time being to think about the rashness of her +promise that the debt should be paid.</p> + +<p>"He thought us dirt," she said, sitting on the end of her narrow iron +bed. Then she smiled rather grimly. "And we are pretty much what he +thought us! Father sponged the money, and I decided to myself that the +re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span>paying did not much matter. We are, as we looked to him, two grubby +little people of doubtful honesty, in a grubby room with Bouquet," and +she laughed outright, although she was alone, and the faculty for +seeing and deriding herself as others might, had a somewhat bitter +flavour. Nevertheless, she was very angry and quite determined to pay +the money somehow, so that at least it should appear to this man that +he was mistaken.</p> + +<p>An hour later she carried Captain Polkington's tea down to him; when +tea was in the drawing-room his was always sent to him thus. She found +him not depressed at all, on the contrary quite cheerful, and even +dignified. He was reading something when she came in, and seeing that +she was alone, he handed it to her. It was from Mr. Rawson-Clew she +found, a sort of recognition of the discharge of the debt, or at least +a formal cancelling of it. It was carefully and conclusively worded, +certainly not the unaided work of the young man who had ridden past +last night. It was dictated by the other, she was sure of it; possibly +even he had himself discharged the debt so as to end the matter. Her +eyes blazed as she read; he would not even allow her the satisfaction +of giving him the lie—and the misery of straining and pinching to do +the impossible. From pride, or from pity, or from both, he had +finished the thing there and then, or he thought he had. She tore the +paper across and then across again.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing?" Captain Polkington cried, seizing her hands as +she would have torn it again. "Don't you know it is valuable? I must +keep it; he can't go back on it if he wants to." He took it from her, +and began to piece it together. "I can look the world in the face +again," he said, admiring the fragments. "I am free, free and cleared; +that debt would have hung like a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> millstone around my neck, but I am +free of it; it is cancelled."</p> + +<p>"Free!" Julia said with scorn. There are disadvantages in reducing a +man to a subordinate position and allowing him no use for his +self-respect; it is a virtue that has a tendency to atrophy. Julia +recognised this with something like personal shame. "Your debt is +discharged," she said gently, "but mine is not; it has been shifted, +not cancelled; it lies with me and Mr. Rawson-Clew now, and it shall +be paid somehow."</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington hardly heeded what she said; he was still smoothing +the pieces of paper. "What?" he asked, as he put them away in an +envelope, but he did not wait for her answer. "It was very heedless of +you to tear it," he said; "but fortunately there is no damage done; it +is perfectly valid, all that can be required."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III</h2> + +<h3>NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS AZUREUM</h3> +<p>The <i>élite</i> called to congratulate Mrs. Polkington on her daughter's +engagement. All manner of pleasant things were said by them and by +Mrs. Polkington in an atmosphere of social sunshine. She thought it so +nice of them to come so soon, she told them so severally; she knew +that they—"you all," "you, at least," "you, my oldest friend," +according to circumstances—would be pleased to hear about it. She +gave sundry little hints of future plans and hopes, among other things +mentioned that it really was hard for poor Violet to have to go and +cheer an invalid cousin just now.</p> + +<p>"And the worst of it is," so Mrs. Polkington said, "she may have to be +away some time. There really seems no one else to go, and one could +not leave the poor dear alone at this dull time of the year; and, +after all, Bath is not very far off; some of Richard's people live +there, too. I should not be surprised if the young people contrive to +see a good deal of each other in spite of everything. Indeed, had I +not thought so, I think I should have insisted on Chèrie's going +instead of Violet, although she would have had to give up her winter +abroad."</p> + +<p>Here the visitor usually made polite inquiries about this same winter +abroad, and heard of a delightful prospect of several months to be +spent in the south of France, unnecessary and unpleasant details all +omitted.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You do agree with me?" Mrs. Polkington would then ask rather +anxiously, as if her hearer's opinion was the one that really mattered +to her. "You do think it wrong to allow Chèrie to refuse this +invitation for Violet's sake? I am very glad you think so. I had quite +a difficulty in persuading her; but, as I told her, it was not a +chance she was likely to have again. So she is going, and Violet will +have to spend her winter in Bath. Julia? Oh, Julia was not asked in +either case; she will be staying at home with me."</p> + +<p>From all of which it is clear that part of Julia's plan was to be +adopted. The other part must have found favour, too, for soon it +became known that the Polkingtons were without a servant. Mrs. +Polkington made inquiries among her friends, but could not hear of any +one suitable; she said it was very tiresome, especially as they had +taken advantage of the girl's empty room to invite an old Anglo-Indian +friend of her husband's to stay.</p> + +<p>Thus was the difficulty tided over, and with so good a face that few +in Marbridge had any idea that it existed. Certainly none knew of the +pinching and screwing and retrenching which went on indoors at No. 27. +One or two tradesmen could have told of long accounts unpaid, and some +relations living at a distance were troubled by appeals for help, a +form of begging which, at this date of their history did not hurt the +Polkingtons' sensibility much.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington suffered in body, if not in mind, during this hard +time, though fortunately she was able to be away a month. The Captain +suffered a good deal more, which was perhaps only just; and Johnny +Gillat suffered with him, which was not just, though that did not seem +to occur to him. As for Julia, she minded<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> least of any one, though in +some ways she had the most to put up with; but the plan was hers, and +consequently she was too interested in its success to trouble about +the inevitable discomforts of the working out.</p> + +<p>There was one matter which did trouble her, however—the debt to +Rawson-Clew. She had no money, and no possibility of raising any; yet +it must and should be paid, for her father's name could not otherwise +be cleared. She turned over in her own mind how she could earn enough, +but there was little hope of that; it seemed rather a large sum for a +girl to earn, and any sum was impossible to her; she had no gifts to +take to market, no ability for any of the arts, not enough education +for teaching, no training for commerce. The only field open to her was +that of a nursery-governess or companion; neither was likely to enable +her to pay this debt of honour quickly. Once, nearly a year ago, she +had had a sort of half-offer of the post of companion. It was while +she was staying with a friend; during the visit there had come to the +house an old Dutchman of the name of Van Heigen, a business +acquaintance of her host. He had stayed nearly a week, and in that +time taken a great fancy to her.</p> + +<p>In those first bad days after the Captain's leaving the army, the +Polkingtons had lived, or perhaps more accurately, drifted about, a +good deal abroad. It was then that Julia picked up her only +accomplishment, a working knowledge of several languages. She had also +acquired one other thing, perhaps not an accomplishment, a rather +unusual knowledge of divers men and divers ways. It may have been that +these qualities made her more attractive to the old Dutchman than the +purely English game-expert daughters of the house. Or it may have been +her admirable cooking; the cook was ill during the greater part of her +visit, and her offer to help was gladly ac<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span>cepted and duly +appreciated. Something, at all events, pleased the old man, so that +before he left he asked her, half in fun, if she would come and live +with his wife. This lady, it seemed, had bad health, and no daughters; +she always had a companion of some sort, and was never satisfied with +the one she had. In Holland, as in England, it seemed posts were not +easy to fill satisfactorily, for those often in want of employment +were also constitutionally inefficient.</p> + +<p>At the time Julia had laughingly refused the offer, now she recalled +it, and thought seriously about it. It would not be very nice, a +mixture of upper servant and lady help; the Van Heigens were bulb +growers, old-fashioned people, the lady a thorough <i>huisvrouw</i>, +nothing more probably. Still that did not matter; such things need not +be considered if the end could be attained that way. But unfortunately +it did not look very likely; the Van Heigens would pay less to a +companion than English people would, not enough to buy clothes; there +was practically nothing to be made out of it. Julia was obliged to +admit the fact to herself, and reluctantly to dismiss the Dutchman and +his offer from her thoughts.</p> + +<p>But curiously enough, they were brought to her mind again before long; +not later, indeed, than that evening, when she went to a dance at a +neighbour's house. At this dance she met a Mr. Alexander Cross. He was +not a native of Marbridge, not at all like any of them; it is quite +possible that they would have rather looked down upon him; Julia +recognised that he barely came up to her mother's standard of a +gentleman. He seemed to be a keen business man of the energetic new +sort; he also seemed to deal in most things, flowers among them. He +told Julia something about that part of his business, for he and it +interested her so much that she asked him lead<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span>ing questions. He +explained how the beautiful orchid he wore in his coat had decreased +in value lately. A few years ago, when there had been but one specimen +with just that marking in all the world, the plant had sold for £900; +now that it had been multiplied it was worth only £25, nothing +practically.</p> + +<p>"It was a novelty then," he explained; "some novelties are worth a +great deal. There's one I know of now I could do some good business +with if I could get hold of it. But I can't; the old fool that's got +it won't sell it for any price, and he can't half work it himself. +It's a blue daffodil—Narcissus Triandrus Azureum he calls it; or +rather, to give it its full title, Narcissus Triandrus Azureum Vrouw +Van Heigen; so called, I believe, in honour of his wife, or his +mother."</p> + +<p>Julia wondered if the Van Heigen who owned the precious flower was the +old Dutchman of her acquaintance. "Is he a bulb grower?" she asked, +though without giving any reason for her question.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Cross answered, "a Dutch bulb grower; that's why he won't make +the profit he might; he comes of generations of growers, and they +venerate their bulbs. He has cranky notions of how things ought to be +done, and no other way will do for him."</p> + +<p>"How did he get a blue daffodil? Do you think it is real? It seems +very unusual."</p> + +<p>"It is unusual; that's where the value comes in; but it's real fast +enough, though I don't believe he grew the first, as he says, in his +own garden. It's my opinion that one of his collectors sent him the +first bulb; he has collectors all over the world, you know, looking +for new things."</p> + +<p>"What is he going to do with it?" Julia asked.</p> + +<p>"He is multiplying it at present; at first he had only<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> one, now, of +course, he has a few more; when he has got enough he will hybridise. +You don't know what that is. Cross-breed with it; use the blue with +the old yellow daffodil as parents to new varieties. That's ticklish +work; growers can't afford to do it till they have a fair number of +the new sort; but, of course, they occasionally get something good +that way."</p> + +<p>Julia listened, much interested, though, to tell the truth, the money +value of the thing fascinated her more than anything else.</p> + +<p>"Will he never sell any of his blue bulbs?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, in time," Cross answered; "but not while they are worth +anything much to the growers."</p> + +<p>"What are they worth? I mean, what would it be worth if there was only +one?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know; I dare say I could get £400 for the single bulb."</p> + +<p>"But if there were more they would not be worth so much? If there were +five, what would they be worth?"</p> + +<p>"Pretty well as much, very likely £300 for one bulb. Van Heigen would +give a written guarantee with it not to sell another bulb to another +grower."</p> + +<p>"But he could keep the others himself?" Julia asked. "That would be +eating his cake and having it too. Tell me," she said, feeling she was +imitating the Patriarch when he was pleading for Sodom and Gomorrah, +"if there were ten bulbs, what could you get for one."</p> + +<p>Cross was amused by her interest. "A hundred pounds, I dare say," he +said; "but I shall never have the chance. The trade will never touch +those blue daffodils while they are worth having. When the old man +does begin to sell them—when they are worth very little to the +growers—he will sell to collectors, cranky old connoisseurs, from +choice. That's what I mean when I say he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> doesn't understand business +as business; he would rather sell his precious blue daffodils where +they were what he calls 'appreciated.' He would sooner they went for a +moderate price to people who would worship them, than make an enormous +profit out of them."</p> + +<p>"But the connoisseurs could sell them," Julia objected. "If I were a +connoisseur and bought one when they were for sale, I could sell it to +you if I liked."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but you wouldn't," Cross said; "if you were a connoisseur you +would not dream of parting with your bulb. You wouldn't have the +slightest wish to make a hundred per cent. on your purchase, or two or +three hundred either. Also I shouldn't buy."</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"I couldn't afford to have my name mixed up with the business."</p> + +<p>Julia looked at him critically. "You could afford that the business +should be done without your name?" she suggested.</p> + +<p>He laughed. "I could introduce the seller, did such an impossible +person exist, to some one who could buy."</p> + +<p>It was Julia's turn to laugh, that soundless laugh of hers which gave +the feeling of a joke only half shared. "For a consideration, of +course," she said.</p> + +<p>"Something would naturally stick to my fingers," Cross answered, +amused rather than offended.</p> + +<p>He was a good deal amused by his partner, finding her more interesting +than most of the girls he met that evening; afterwards he forgot her, +for two days later he left the place, and thought no more either about +Miss Polkington or the talk he had had with her.</p> + +<p>As for her, it was not clear what she thought, but the next day she +wrote to London for a second-hand Dutch dictionary, and then went to +call at the house with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span> largest library that she knew. When she +came away from there she carried with her a book she had borrowed, a +Dutch version of <i>Gil Blas</i>, which she remembered to have once seen +tucked away in a corner. Shortly afterwards, as soon as the dictionary +came, she set to reading the edifying work, and found it easier than +she expected. What one learns from necessity in childhood stays in the +memory, and a good knowledge of German and a smallish one of Dutch +will carry one through greater difficulties than <i>Gil Blas</i>.</p> + +<p>Before her mother and sisters came back to Marbridge, Julia had +written to the old Dutchman.</p> + +<p>When Mrs. Polkington heard Julia wanted to go to Holland and live in a +Dutch family she was surprised. This news was not given to her till +the spring had fairly set in, for it was not till then that Julia had +been able to get everything arranged. It is no use telling people your +plans unless you are quite sure of carrying them out, and you are +never sure of that long before starting; at least, that was Julia's +opinion. It was also her opinion that it was quite unnecessary to tell +all details. She said she was tired of being at Marbridge, and wanted +a complete change; also that when there were three grown-up sisters at +home it seemed rather desirable that one should go away, for a time at +least. When Violet suggested that it was odd to have chosen Holland in +preference to France or Germany, she replied truthfully that the one +was possible to her, the others were not.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington, who quite approved of the plan, saw no objection to +Holland, adding as a recommendation, "It is so much more original to +go there." She did not fail to remark on the originality when she +embroidered Julia's going to her friends and acquaintances.</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington was the only member of the family<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> who regretted +this going. He had always regarded Julia as something between an ally +and a tolerant go-between; and since she had wrung from him the +confession of his difficulties, and helped in the arrangement of them, +his feeling for her had leaned more and more towards the former. He +had even come to feel a certain protectiveness in her presence, which +made him really sorry she was going. Johnny Gillat was sorrier still.</p> + +<p>Johnny had gone back to dismal lodgings in town now; he only heard of +the plan by letter, and the Captain's letters were very prolix, and +not informing. Mr. Gillat's own letters were even worse, for if they +lacked the prolixity, they lacked the little information also. On +receipt of the Captain's information he merely wrote to ask when Julia +was going, and what time she would be in London, as he would like to +give himself the pleasure of meeting her train.</p> + +<p>He did give himself that pleasure; he was at the station half an hour +and ten minutes before the train, so as to be sure of being in time. +He was on the platform when the train came in; Julia saw him, a rather +ridiculous figure, his shabby coat tremendously brushed and tightly +buttoned, a gay tie displayed to the uttermost to hide a ragged shirt +front, his round, pink face, with its little grizzled moustache, +wearing a look of melancholy which made it appear more than ordinarily +foolish. He was standing where the part of the train which came from +Marbridge could not possibly stop, much in the way of porters and +trucks; Julia had to find him and find her luggage too, but he seemed +to think he was of much service. Julia's hard young heart smote her +when he gave twopence to her porter.</p> + +<p>"Johnny," she said, as he took her ticket on the District Railway, "I +am going to pay for my ticket."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p> + +<p>It was only threepence, but there are people who have to consider the +threepences; if Julia was one, she knew that Mr. Gillat was another, +and she had allowed for this threepence, and he probably had not. He +demurred, but she insisted. "Then I won't let you come with me;" and +he gave way.</p> + +<p>They were alone in a compartment, and he shouted above the rattle of +the train something about her being missed at Marbridge.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," she said, "mother and the girls think it is a good thing I +am going."</p> + +<p>"Your father and I will miss you," Johnny told her.</p> + +<p>"You?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; I'll miss you very much—we both shall; we shall sit +down-stairs, each side of the fire-place, and think how you used to +come there sometimes. And when I wait in the dining-room when your +father's not at home, I'll remember how you used to come down there +and chat. We had many a chat, didn't we?—you and me, and Bouquet +burning between us—there was nobody could trim Bouquet like you. But +perhaps you'll be back before winter comes round again?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know when I shall be back," was all Julia could find to say. +The idea of being missed like this was new and strange to her; the +Polkingtons' feelings were so much guided by what was advisable, or +expedient, that there was not usually much room for simple emotions. +She felt somehow grateful to Johnny for caring a little that she was +going, though at the same time she was unpleasantly convinced that she +did not deserve it.</p> + +<p>"It won't be at all the same at No. 27," Mr. Gillat was saying. "Your +mother—she's a wonderful woman, a wonderful woman, and Miss Violet's +a fine girl, so's the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> other, handsome both of them; but they're in +the drawing-room, you know, and you—you used to come down-stairs."</p> + +<p>It did not sound very explicit, but Julia understood what he meant. +Just then the train stopped at a station, and other passengers got in, +so they had little more talk.</p> + +<p>In time they reached Mark Lane, from whence it is no great walk to the +Tower Stairs. There is a cheap way of going to Holland from there for +those who do not mind spending twenty-four hours on the journey; Julia +did not mind. When she and Johnny Gillat arrived at the Tower Stairs +they saw the steamer lying in the river, a small Dutch boat, still +taking in cargo from loaded lighters alongside. A waterman put them on +board, or, rather, took them to the nearest waiting lighter, from +whence they scrambled on board, Mr. Gillat very unhandily. A Dutch +steward received them, and taking Johnny for a father come to see his +daughter off, assured them in bad English that she would be quite +safe, and well taken care of.</p> + +<p>"She shall haf one cabin to herself, a bed clean. Yes, yes; there is +no passenger but one, a Holland gentleman; he will not speak with the +miss, he is friend of captain."</p> + +<p>Johnny nodded a great many times, though he did not quite follow what +was said. Then Julia told him he had better go, and not keep the +waterman any longer.</p> + +<p>He agreed, and began fumbling in his pocket, from whence he pulled out +one of his badly-tied parcels.</p> + +<p>"A keepsake," he said, putting it into her hand; then, without waiting +to say good-bye, he scrambled over the side in such a hurry that he as +nearly as possible fell into the river.</p> + +<p>Julia ran to the side in some anxiety; some one shouted, "Look out," +and some one else, "Hold up," and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span> a third something less +complimentary. Then a man laid hold of Mr. Gillat's legs and guided +him safely on to the bobbing lighter. There he turned and waved his +hat to Julia before he got into the waiting boat.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye," he called.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye," she answered. "Oh, do be careful!"</p> + +<p>He was not careful, but the waterman had him now, and took him ashore. +She watched him, his round face was suffused with smiles; he waved his +hat once more just as he reached the stairs. He slipped once getting +up them, but he was up now, and turned to wave once before he started +down the street.</p> + +<p>It was not till then that Julia became aware of a small sound close at +hand; there was a good deal of noise going on, shouting, the rattling +of cranes, and the thud of shifting bales, with now and then the hoot +of a steamer and the escape of steam, and under all, the restless +lapping of the water. But through it all she now heard a much smaller +sound quite close, a regular <i>tick</i>, <i>tick</i>. She glanced at the parcel +she had forgotten, then in an instant, as a sudden idea occurred to +her, she had the paper off. Yes, it was. It was Johnny's great +old-fashioned gold watch, with the fetter chain dangling at the end.</p> + +<p>She stood quite still with the thing in her hand, her mouth set +straight, and her eyes growing glitteringly bright. The round gilded +face stared up at her, reminding her in some grotesque way of Johnny; +poor, generous, honest, foolish old Johnny! She looked away quickly, a +sudden desire not to go with this moon-faced companion took possession +of her—a desire not to go at all, a horrible new-born doubt about it.</p> + +<p>But feelings for abstract right and wrong, like personal likes and +dislikes, do not grow strongly where ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>pediency and advisability and +advantage have to rule; she was only going to do what she must in +Holland; the debt must be paid, honour demanded no less; the blue +daffodil was the only hope of paying it. She was not going to steal a +bulb exactly; she was going to get it somehow, as a gift, perhaps, +opportunity must show how; and when it was hers, she could do with it +as she pleased, there was no wrong in that. She must go; she must do +it; the thing was so necessary as to be unavoidable, and not open to +question. She looked down, and her eye fell on the watch again; it +stared up at her in the same vacant way as Johnny had done that day +when he wanted to sell it and his other things to help them out of +their justly earned, sordid difficulties. With shame she had prevented +that, feeling the cause unworthy of the sacrifice. But this sacrifice, +for a still more unworthy cause, she was too late to prevent. Johnny +had gone. She looked earnestly to see if he was among those who +loitered about the stairs, or those in the more distant street. But +she could not see him, he was gone clean from sight; there was only +the busy, unfamiliar life of the river around; yellow, sunlit water; +the crowded craft, and the great stately wonder of the Tower Bridge +silently raising and parting its solid roadway to let some boat go, as +she would soon go down to the sea.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV</h2> + +<h3>THE OWNER OF THE BLUE DAFFODIL</h3> +<p>Vrouw Snieder, the notary's wife, sat by her window at work on a long +strip of red crochet lace. From her place she could see all who came +up the street, and, there being a piece of looking-glass set outside, +at right angles to the pane, also most who came down it. This, though +doubtless very informing, did not help the progress of the lace; but +that was of no consequence, Mevrouw always had some red lace in +making, and it might as well be one piece as another. With her, were +her two daughters, Denah and Anna, though Anna had no business there, +being supposed just then to be preparing vegetables for dinner. She +had only come into the room to fetch keys, but a remark from her +mother brought her to the window.</p> + +<p>"There goes Vrouw Van Heigen's English miss," the old lady said, and +both her daughters looked at once.</p> + +<p>"She has been marketing, I see; she seems a good housewife."</p> + +<p>"She walks in the road," Denah observed critically; "It is so +conspicuous, I could not do it; besides, one might be run over."</p> + +<p>"The English always walk in the road," her sister answered; "they +think everything will get out of their way, and they do not at all +mind being conspicuous."</p> + +<p>"The English miss should mind," Denah said, "for she is not pretty; no +one looks at her to admire; besides she is poor and has to work +hard."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes, yes," her mother agreed placidly; "she is a fine worker. Vrouw +Van Heigen is full of her praises; such a cook—she has twenty new +dishes, and everything is done quickly, one cannot tell how; it is +like having a magician in the house, so she says. Ah, there is Herr +Van de Greutz's Marthe going into the apothecary's. I wonder now—"</p> + +<p>But her daughters were not interested in Marthe; the English girl at +the Van Heigens' interested them a great deal more. They continued to +talk about her a great deal afterwards, Denah going back with her +sister to the kitchen and the vegetables, so as to be able to do so +undisturbed.</p> + +<p>"I will help you with these," she said; "then we can go out."</p> + +<p>She sat down and took up a knife. "It is strange how much Vrouw Van +Heigen thinks of that girl," she said. "She has been there but one +month and already there is no one like her. She does not keep her in +her place very well; were she a daughter more could not be said. I +wonder how Mijnheer likes it."</p> + +<p>"It was Mijnheer who engaged her," Anna said. "It is not likely that +he regrets. I hear that she has written some English letters for him +since one of the clerks has been ill. My father says she can cook like +a Frenchwoman, and that is something. As for Joost, it is surely of +little importance to him, he is too quiet to say anything to her; she +talks little; she must be shy."</p> + +<p>Denah had nothing to say to this, although, seeing in which person her +own interest in the Van Heigens lay, she possibly found some comfort +in the assurance. After a little she remarked, "That girl has no +accomplishments; she is as old-fashioned as our Aunt Barje, a +<i>huisvrouw</i>, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span>no more. It is strange, for the English women make fun +of us for this, and pretend that they are educated and advanced above +us; she is not, she can do nothing but speak a few languages; she +cannot sing nor play, she has read no science, she cannot draw, nor +model in wax, nor make paper flowers, nor do bead work; she could not +even crochet till I showed her how. I wonder if she has made any +progress with the pattern I gave her. Shall we go and see by and by? I +might set her right if she is in a difficulty, and we could at the +same time inquire after Mevrouw's throat; she had a weakness, I +noticed, on Tuesday."</p> + +<p>Anna agreed; she was a most obliging sister, and a while later they +set out together for the Van Heigens' house. They did not walk in the +wide, clean road, but were careful to keep to the path, pausing a +moment to consult before starting for the other side when it was +necessary to cross over.</p> + +<p>The Van Heigens' house stood on the outskirts of the town, a long way +back from the road. The bulb garden lay all round it, though +immediately in front was a lawn so soft and green that no one ever +walked on it. The house was of wood, painted white, and had a +high-pitched roof of strange, dark-coloured tiles; a canal lay on two +sides, which ought to have made it damp, but did not.</p> + +<p>Vrouw Van Heigen was pleased to see the girls, and received them with +an effusiveness which might have suggested that a longer time than +four days had elapsed since they last met. She kissed them on both +cheeks, and led them in by the hand; she asked particularly how they +were, and how their mother was, and how their father was, and if they +were not very tired with their walk, and would they not have +lemonade—yes, they must have lemonade. "Julia, Julia," she called, +"bring lemonade, bring glasses and the lemonade."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span></p> + +<p>Julia came from a little room which led off the sitting-room, carrying +the things required on a papier-maché tray. She wore a large, +blue-print apron, for she had been shelling shrimps when she was +called, and though she stayed to wash her hands, she did not think it +necessary to remove her apron. She had observed it to be the custom +hereabouts to wear an apron of some sort all day long, and she did not +differentiate between the grades of aprons as Denah and Anna did. She +set down the tray and shook hands ceremoniously with the sisters and +made all the proper inquiries in the properest way; she had also +observed that to be the custom of the place. Then she poured out the +lemonade and handed it round, and was afterwards sent to fetch a glass +for herself and a little round tray to set it on—every one had a +little tray for fear of spoiling the crimson plush table-cover. Julia +cannot be said to have been anxious for lemonade; Vrouw Van Heigen's +growing affection for her often found expression in drinks at odd +times, a good deal more often than she appreciated. On this occasion, +since she was doing the pouring out herself, she was able to get off +with half a glass.</p> + +<p>They all sat round the table and talked; Julia talked a great deal the +least, but that did not matter, the others had so much to say. She +listened, admiring the way in which one little incident—a dog running +on the tram line and being called off just in time by its +owner—served them for a quarter of an hour. What economy of ideas it +was, and how little strain to make conversation! Then came Mevrouw's +throat, the little hoarseness Denah had noticed on Tuesday. It was +nothing, the good lady declared, she had not felt it. Oh, if they +insisted on noticing it, she would own to a weakness but no more than +was usual to her when the dust was about, and truly the dust was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> +terrible now, she could not remember when it had been so bad so early +in June. And so on, and so on, until they somehow came round to +crochet lace, when Julia was obliged to confess that she had not made +much progress with the pattern. She exhibited a very small piece with +several mistakes in it.</p> + +<p>"Why," cried Denah, "I have done already almost half a metre of the +piece I began at the same time. Is it difficult for you?"</p> + +<p>Julia said it was, and Vrouw Van Heigen added by way of apology for +her, that she had been busy making a cool morning dress.</p> + +<p>"For yourself?" Anna asked. "Do you make your dresses?"</p> + +<p>"This is for Mevrouw," Julia answered; "but I can make my own."</p> + +<p>The Polkingtons had had to, and also to put an immense amount of +thought and work into it, because they were bound to get a fine effect +for a small expense, and that is not possible without a large outlay +of time and consideration. Julia did not explain this to the present +company, it would have been rather incomprehensible to them.</p> + +<p>Anna was at once fired with a desire to make herself a cool morning +dress, and asked a dozen questions as to how, while Denah's busy +fingers undid the faulty crochet work, and her tongue explained the +mistakes. Mevrouw did not listen much to either, but noticing the +glasses were empty, pressed the visitors in vain to have more +lemonade. They refused, and finding them quite obdurate she toddled +into the little room where Julia had been doing the shrimps, to come +back again, bearing a large bladder-covered bottle of peach-brandy. +The girls declined this very firmly, but Julia was sent for more +glasses, and soon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span> they were all sipping the rich flavoured liqueur +without protestation.</p> + +<p>It was over this that they planned an expedition to the wood. No one +knew quite who suggested it; when people all talk at once it is not +easy to say who originates an idea; anyhow, it was agreed that the +weather was so dry and the trees so lovely and Mevrouw so seldom went +out. She really felt—did she not?—that she would enjoy making a +small excursion, she was so wonderfully well—for her. What did Anna +think her mother would say? Perhaps they might join together for a +drive?</p> + +<p>Anna thought her mother would be delighted; indeed, she often spoke of +the charms of a country excursion; Denah was called upon to +corroborate, and did so volubly. Where should they go? Half-a-dozen +different places were suggested; why not go here, or there, or to the +wood? Yes, the wood, that would be lovely. They could take their tea +out; if they were well wrapped up, of course, protected from the damp +and the wind, might it not be possible?</p> + +<p>So by degrees the plan was brought to the first stage. Denah and Anna +were to talk it over with their mother, and if she thought favourably +of it, then "we must see." By that time Denah had set the crochet work +quite straight, and with kisses and hand-shakings the visitors +departed. Julia went back to the little room where first she washed +the glasses that had been used, afterwards she finished the shrimps +and washed them and put them ready for supper in a china dish like a +large soap dish on three feet. When that was done, it was necessary to +lay the table for dinner and superintend the getting of that meal.</p> + +<p>The Van Heigens dined at four. It had taken Julia all the month she +had been with them to in any way get used to that time. Mijnheer and +the only son, Joost, came in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> from the office for two hours then. The +office joined the house and the great dim orderly bulb barns joined +the office, so the father and son had not far to come in whichever +place they might be. Julia and Mevrouw fetched the food from the +kitchen and cleared the table, as well as getting their own meal; but +that was nothing when you were used to it, any more than was the +curious butter and nutmeg sauce that always seemed to play a part at +dinner.</p> + +<p>Mijnheer had a good deal to say to Julia, principally about his +business. The letters she had written for him during the illness of +the clerk who usually did his English correspondence, had given her +some little insight into it. This she had profited by, being in the +first instance really interested, and, in the second, not slow to see +that the old man, far from resenting it, had been pleased. He talked a +good deal about his affairs now, giving her little bits of information +and explaining rather proudly his method of doing business, and his +father's and his grandfather's before him. Joost, as usual, said +little or nothing; he must have been five or six and twenty, but he +had hardly ever left the parental roof, and was usually so hard at +work that he had little time or inclination for frivolity. He had +earnest child-like blue eyes that Julia did not care to look at, any +more than she did the round yellow face of Mr. Gillat's watch. This +was rather a pity as she could not always avoid it, and certainly he +looked at her a good deal, in fact whenever he thought he was not +observed. Of course he always was observed, by her at least; that was +a foregone conclusion; the observation gave her some uneasiness.</p> + +<p>After dinner the father and son went to sit on the veranda, and +Mevrouw helped Julia take the dishes into the white marble kitchen and +the glasses into the little <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>off-room. Later, Julia came to sit on the +veranda, too—it was somewhat stuffy being all closed in with glass +windows. There they drank pale tea, the pot kept simmering on a +spirit-stove, and read the foreign papers which had just come. Mevrouw +did not read, she made tea and did crochet work, a strip like Vrouw +Snieder's, only yellow instead of red. Julia, it is to be feared, did +not try to master the pattern so kindly set right by Denah; she could +not resist the breath from the outside world which the papers brought.</p> + +<p>At six o'clock Mijnheer and his son went back to the office, and +Julia, having washed the tea-cups, joined Mevrouw in the sitting-room. +It was never very light in that room, for the walls were covered with +a crimson flock paper and the woodwork was black; while the windows, +which looked on the canal, were always shaded till dark. They sat here +at work on the morning gown, till supper time. Mijnheer sometimes came +in an hour before supper, as early as half-past eight; Joost had +usually too much to do to come in before half-past nine. After supper, +when the things were cleared away, they had prayers; Mijnheer read a +chapter from the Bible, and they sat round the table and listened, and +afterwards he said, "Now we will pray," and they sat a while in +silence. Julia sat, too, her keen, observing eyes cast down and a +curious stillness about her. After that every one went to bed; Julia +and the maidservant had two little rooms right up in the eaves of the +house; the family slept on the floor below. Julia was glad of this, +though it was possible to imagine her room would be very hot in summer +and very cold in winter. But she was glad to be well above the +sleeping house, and to be able to look from her window across the wide +country, over the dark bulb gardens—laid out like a Chinese puzzle +with their eight-foot hedges—to the lights of the town on the one +hand, and, better<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> still, to the dim curve of the Dunes on the other. +It is to be feared she sometimes spent a longer time at her window +than was wise, seeing the early hour at which she had to rise; but no +one was troubled by it, for she was careful to take off her shoes +first thing; the rooms were unceiled, and it was necessary to tread +lightly if one would not disturb people below.</p> + +<p>On the day after that of Anna and Denah's visit, Herr Van Heigen +offered to show Julia the bulb barns. It was a Saturday, and so after +dinner, the workmen having all gone home, there was no one about and +she could ascend the steep barn ladders without any suffering in her +modesty. At least that was what Mijnheer thought; Julia, her modesty +being of a very serviceable order, may have given the matter less +consideration, but she accepted the offer.</p> + +<p>The barns were very large and high, many of them three storeys and +each storey lofty. The light inside was dim, a sort of dun colour, and +the air very dry and full of a strange, not unpleasant smell. +Everything was as clean as clean could be; no litter, no dirt, the +floor nicely swept, the shelves that ran all round and rose, tier upon +tier, in an enormous stand that occupied the whole centre of the +place, all perfectly orderly. On the shelves the bulbs lay, every one +smooth and clean and dry, sorted according to kind and quality; +Mijnheer knew them all; he could, like a book-lover with his books, +put his hand upon any that he wished in the dark. It seemed to Julia +that there were hundreds upon hundreds of different sorts. Not only +hyacinths and tulips and such well-known ones in endless sizes and +varieties, but little roots with six and seven syllable names she had +never heard before, and big roots, too, and strange cornery roots, a +never-ending quantity.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span></p> + +<p>Mijnheer told her they were not yet all in; many were in the ground +and had still to be lifted. This she knew, for she had seen the dead +tops of some in the little enclosed squares where they grew; from her +bedroom window, too, she saw others still in bloom—a patch, the size +of a tennis-lawn squared, of scarlet ranunculous, little blood-red +rosettes, sheltered by a high close-clipped hedge. And another patch +of iris hispanica, fairy flowers of palest gold and lavender, +quivering at the top of their grey-green stalks like tropical +dragon-flies hovering over a field of growing oats. These it seemed, +and many others, would be brought in by and by, then the great barns +would be really full. Mijnheer took up a root here and there, telling +her something of the history of each; explaining how the narcissus +increased and the tulips grew; showing her hyacinth bulbs cut in +half-breadthways with all the separate severed layers distended by +reason of the growing and swelling of the seeds between.</p> + +<p>"Each little seed will be a bulb by and by," he said, "but not yet. +When we cut the root first, we set it in the ground and these begin to +grow and become in time as you see them now. Afterwards they grow +bigger and bigger till their parent can no longer contain them."</p> + +<p>"Does it take long for them to grow full size?" Julia asked.</p> + +<p>"It takes five years to grow the finest hyacinth bulbs," Mijnheer +answered, "but inferior ones are more quick. And when the bulb is +grown, there is one bloom—fine, magnificent, a truss of +flowers—after that it deteriorates, it is, one may say, over. Ah, but +it is magnificent while it is there! There is no flower like the +hyacinth; had I my way, I would grow nothing else, but people will not +have them now. They must have novelties. 'Give us narcissus,' they +say; 'they are so graceful'—I do not see<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> the grace—'Or iris'—well, +some are fine, I allow, but they do not last in bloom as do hyacinths. +The mourn iris of Persia is very beautiful; we have not one flowering +yet, but we shall have by and by. I will show you then; you will think +it very handsome. When it blooms I go to it in the morning and dust +the sand from the petals. I feel that I can reverence that flower; it +is most beautiful."</p> + +<p>"Is it very scarce?" Julia asked.</p> + +<p>"Somewhat," Mijnheer answered; "but we have things that are more so, +we have many novelties so called. Ah, but we have one novelty that is +a true one, it is a wonder, it has no price, it is priceless!" He drew +a deep breath of almost awed pride. "It is the greatest rarity that +has ever been reared in Holland, a miracle, in fact—a blue daffodil!"</p> + +<p>Julia refrained from mentioning that she had heard of the rarity +before; she leaned against the centre stand and listened while the old +man grew eloquent, with the eloquence of the connoisseur, not the +tradesman, over his treasure. There was no need for her to say much, +only to put a question here and there, or make a sympathetic comment; +with little or no effort she learned a good deal about the wonderful +bulb. It seemed that it really had been grown in the Van Heigens' +gardens, and not imported from Asia, as Mr. Cross thought. There were +six roots by this time; not so many as had been hoped and expected, it +did not increase well, and was evidently going to be difficult to +grow.</p> + +<p>"Would you like to know the name which it will immortalise?" the old +man asked at last. "It is called Narcissus Triandrus Azurem Vrouw Van +Heigen."</p> + +<p>"You named it in honour of Mevrouw, I suppose?" Julia said.</p> + +<p>"I did not; Joost did."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Mijnheer Joost?" she repeated.</p> + +<p>"Yes," the father answered. "It is his, not mine; to him belongs the +honour. It is he who has produced this marvel. How? That is a secret; +perhaps even I could not tell you if I would; Nature is wonderful in +her ways; we can only help her, we cannot create. Yes, yes, it is +Joost who has done this. He seemed to you a retiring youth? Yet he is +the most envied and most honoured man of our profession. I would +sooner—there are many men in Holland who would sooner—have produced +this flower than have a thousand pounds. And he is my son—you may +well believe that I am proud."</p> + +<p>And Mijnheer beamed with satisfaction in his son and his blue +daffodil. But Julia leaned against the stand in the dry twilight, +saying nothing. Money, it appeared, was not then the measure of all +things; neither intrinsically, as with Mr. Alexander Cross, nor for +what it represented in comfort and position, as with her own family, +did it rank with these bulb growers. They, these people whom her +mother would have called market gardeners, tradespeople, it seemed, +loved and reverenced their work; they thought about it and for it, +were proud of it and valued distinction in it, and nothing else. The +blue daffodil was no valuable commercial asset, it was an honour and +glory, an unparalleled floral distinction—no wonder Cross could not +buy or exploit it. In a jump Julia comprehended the situation more +fully than that astute business man ever could; but at the same time +she felt a little bitter amusement—it was this, this treasured +wonder, that she thought to obtain.</p> + +<p>The next day, Sunday, Julia went to church with Mijnheer and Joost; +Mevrouw did not find herself well enough for church, but she insisted +that Julia should not stay at home on her account. Accordingly the +girl accompanied<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span> father and son to the Groote Kerk and listened to +the rather dull service there. For the most part she sat with her eyes +demurely cast down, though once or twice she looked round the old +barn-like place, and wondered if there were any frescoes under the +whitewash of the walls and whence came the faint, all pervading smell, +like a phantom of incense long forgotten. When service was over and +they came out into the sunny street, Mijnheer announced that he was +going to see a friend. Julia, of course, must hurry home to set the +table for the mid-day coffee drinking, and afterwards prepare for +dinner. Joost was going back, likewise, and to her it was so natural a +thing they should go together that she never thought about it. It did +not, however, seem so to him, and after walking a few paces in +embarrassment, he said—</p> + +<p>"You would perhaps prefer I did not walk with you?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," she answered, in some surprise; "I shall be pleased, if you +are going the same way, that is."</p> + +<p>He fidgeted, becoming more embarrassed. "You are sure you do not +mind?" he said. "It is a little conspicuous for you."</p> + +<p>Then she understood, and looked up with twinkling eyes. "I am afraid I +am conspicuous, anyhow," she said.</p> + +<p>This was true enough, for her clothes, fitting like an Englishwoman's, +and put on like a Frenchwoman's (the Polkingtons all knew how to +dress), were unlike any others in sight. Her face, too, dark and thin +and keenly alert, was unlike, and her light, easy walk; and if this +was not enough it must be added that she was now walking in the road +because the pavement was so crowded.</p> + +<p>Joost stepped off the path to make room for her and she saw by his +face that his mind was not at ease.</p> + +<p>"Pray, Mijnheer," she said, in her softest tones, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span> her voice had +many tones as her companion had not failed to notice, though he was +not aware that the softest was also usually the most mischievous, +"will you not walk the other side of the way? Then you will not be +conspicuous at all."</p> + +<p>"I do not mind it," he said, blushing, and Julia decided that his +father's description of him as a retiring youth was really short of +the mark. They walked along together down the quiet, bright streets; +there were many people about, but nobody in a hurry, and all in Sunday +clothes, bent on visiting or decorous pleasure-making. Everywhere was +sunny and everything looked as if it had had its face washed; week +days in the town always looked to Julia like Sundays, and Sundays, +this Sunday in particular, looked like Easter.</p> + +<p>In time they came to the trees that bordered the canal; there were old +Spanish houses here, a beautiful purplish red in colour, and with +carving above the doors. Julia looked up at her favourite doorpiece—a +galleon in full sail, a veritable picture in relief, unspoiled by +three hundred years of wind and weather.</p> + +<p>"I think this is the most beautiful town I was ever in," she said. Her +companion looked surprised.</p> + +<p>"Do you like it?" he asked. "It must be quite unlike what you are used +to, all of it must be."</p> + +<p>"It is," she answered, "all of it, as you say—the place, the ways, +the people."</p> + +<p>"And you like it? You do not think it—you do not think us what you +call slow, stupid?"</p> + +<p>She was a little surprised, it had never occurred to her that he, any +more than the others, would think about her point of view. "No," she +answered, "I admire it all very much, it is sincere, no one appears +other than he is, or aims at being or seeming more. Your house is the +same<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> back and front, and you, none of you have a wrong side, the +whole life is solid right through."</p> + +<p>Joost did not quite understand; had she not guessed that to be likely +she would hardly have spoken so frankly. "I fear I do not understand +you," he said; "it is difficult when we do not know each other's +language perfectly."</p> + +<p>"We know it very well," Julia answered; "as well as possible. If we +were born in the same place, in the same house, we should not +understand it better."</p> + +<p>He still looked puzzled; he was half afraid she was laughing at him. +"You think I am stupid?" he said, gravely.</p> + +<p>She denied it, and they walked on a little in silence. They were in +the quieter part of the town now and could talk undisturbed; after a +little he spoke again, musingly.</p> + +<p>"Often I wonder what you think of, you have such great, shining eyes, +they eat up everything; they see everything and through everything, I +think. They sweep round the room, or the persons or the place, and +gather all—may I say it?—like some fine net—to me it seems they +draw all things into your brain, and there you weave them and weave +them into thoughts."</p> + +<p>Julia swallowed a little exclamation, and by an effort contrived not +to appear as surprised as she was by this too discerning remark. She +was so young that she did not before know that children and child-like +folk sometimes divine by instinct the same conclusions that very +clever people arrive at by much reasoning and observation. She felt +decidedly uncomfortable at this explanation of Joost's frequent +contemplations of herself.</p> + +<p>"You seem to think me very clever," she said.</p> + +<p>"Of course," he answered simply, "you are clever."</p> + +<p>"No, I am not," she returned; "ask your mother; ask Denah Snieder; +they do not think me clever. What can<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> I do, except cook? Oh, yes, and +speak a few foreign language as you can yourself? I cannot paint, or +draw, or sing; I do not understand music; why, when you play Bach, I +wish to go out of the room."</p> + +<p>"That is true," he admitted; "I have felt it."</p> + +<p>Julia bit her lip; she had never before expressed her opinion of Bach, +and she did not feel in the least gratified that he had found it out +for himself.</p> + +<p>"It is absurd to call me clever," she said. "I have little learning +and no accomplishments. I cannot even get on with the crochet work +Denah showed me, and I do not know how to make flowers of paper."</p> + +<p>"But why should one make flowers of paper?" he asked, in his serious +way. "They are not at all beautiful."</p> + +<p>"Denah makes them beautifully," she answered.</p> + +<p>The argument did not seem to carry weight, but Julia advanced no +other; she thought silence the wisest course. They had almost reached +home now; a little before they came to the gate, Joost opened the +subject of herself again. "I think sometimes you must make fun of us; +do you not sometimes in your heart laugh just a little bit?"</p> + +<p>"I laugh at everything sometimes," she said; "myself most of all. Do +you never laugh at yourself? I expect not; you are very serious. I +will tell you what it is like: a little goblin comes out of your head +and stands in front of you; the goblin is you, a sort of you; the +other part, the part people know, sits opposite, and the goblin laughs +at it because it sees how ridiculous the other is, how grotesque and +how futile. My goblin came out into my room last night and laughed and +laughed; you would almost have heard him if you had been there."</p> + +<p>They had reached the gate now, and as Joost held it open for her to +pass through, she saw that he had blushed to the ears at the lightly +spoken words—if he had been<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span> in her room last night; the impropriety +of them to him was evident. For a moment she blushed, too, then she +recovered herself and grew impatient with one so artificial—and yet +so simple, so self-conscious—and yet so unconscious, so desperately +stupid—and yet so uncomfortably clear-sighted.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V</h2> + +<h3>THE EXCURSION</h3> +<p>The following Monday was fine and warm, and since the whole previous +week had also been fine and warm, Mevrouw thought they might venture +to make the talked-of excursion. Messages were accordingly sent to the +Snieders, and from the Snieders back again, and after a wonderful +amount of talk and arranging, everything was settled. Dinner was a +little early that day, and a little hurried, though, since the +carriage was not to come till after five o'clock, there was perhaps +not much need for that. However, it is not every day in the week one +makes an excursion, so naturally things cannot be expected to go quite +as usual when such an event occurs.</p> + +<p>The carriage came, Mevrouw had been waiting ten minutes, and three +times been to see why Julia was not waiting with her. At the sound of +wheels Julia came out; she had just finished washing the glasses +(which she had been told not to touch, as there was certainly no +time). She was quite ready, but Mevrouw at that moment discovered that +she had the wrong sunshade. Julia fetched the right one and carried it +out for the old lady; also an umbrella with a bow on the handle, a +mackintosh, a shawl, and a large basket. Mijnheer came from the office +with his spectacles pushed up on his forehead, and a minute later +Joost also came to say good-bye; even the maidservant came from the +kitchen to see them start.</p> + +<p>The carriage drew up; it was a strange-looking vehicle,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> in shape +something between a hearse and an ark on wheels, but with the greater +part of the sides open to the air. Vrouw Snieder and her two daughters +were already within, with their bow-trimmed umbrellas, sunshades, +mackintoshes, shawls and basket. There was necessarily a good deal of +greeting; Mijnheer and Joost shook hands with all the three ladies, +and inquired after Herr Snieder, and received polite inquiries in +return. Then Denah insisted on getting out, so that Mevrouw should be +better able to get in; also to show that she was athletic and agile, +like an English girl, and thought nothing of getting in and out of a +high carriage. Mevrouw kissed her husband and son, twice each, very +loud, called a good-bye to the servant, and got in. Julia shook hands, +said good-bye, and also got in. Denah watched her, and observed the +shape of her feet and ankles jealously. She glanced sharply at Joost, +but he was not guilty of such indecorum as even thinking about any +girl's legs, so, having said her good-bye, she got in reassured. +Finally they drove away amid wishes for a safe drive and a pleasant +excursion.</p> + +<p>Of course there was a little settling to do inside the carriage, the +wraps and baskets to be disposed of, and each person to be assured +that the others had enough room, and just the place they preferred to +any other. By the time that was done they stopped again at the house +of Mijnheer's head clerk; here they were to take up two children, +girls of fourteen and fifteen, who had been invited to come with the +party. The carriage was not kept waiting, the children were out before +it had fairly stopped; they were flaxenly fair girls, wearing little +blue earrings, Sunday hats, and cotton gloves of course—all the party +wore cotton gloves; it was, Julia judged, part of the excursion +outfit.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p> + +<p>Now they were really off, driving out beyond the outskirts of the +town; along flat roads where the wheels sank noiselessly into the soft +sand, and the horses' feet clattered on the narrow brick track in the +centre. For a time they followed the canal closely, but soon they left +it, and saw in the distance nothing but its high green banks, with the +brown sails of boats showing above, and looking as if they were a good +deal higher than the carriage road. They passed small fields, +subdivided into yet smaller patches, and all very highly cultivated. +And small black and white houses, and small black and white cows, and +black and white goats, and dogs, and even cats of the same combination +of colour. Everything was rather small, but everywhere very tidy; +nothing out of its place or wasted, and nobody hurrying or idling; all +were busy, with a small bustling business, as unlike aggressive +English idleness as it was unlike the deceptive, leisurely power of +English work.</p> + +<p>Denah and Anna looked out of either side of the carriage, and pointed +out things to Julia and the two little girls. Here it was what they +called a country seat, a sort of castellated variety of overgrown +chalêt, surrounded by a wonderful garden of blazing flower-beds and +emerald lawns, all set round with rows and rows of plants in bright +red pots. Or there it was a cemetery, where the peaceful aspect made +Denah sentimental, and the beauty of the trees drew Anna's praise. The +two elder ladies paid less attention to what they passed; they +contented themselves with leaning back and saying how beautiful the +air was, and how refreshing the country. The girls said that as well; +they all agreed six times within the hour that it was a delightful +expedition, and they enjoying it much.</p> + +<p>In time they came to the wood. An unpaved road ran<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span> through it of +soft, deep sand, which deadened every sound; on either hand the trees +rose, pines and larch and beech principally, with a few large-leafed +shivering poplars here and there. There was no undergrowth, and few +bird songs, only the dim wood aisles stretching away, quiet and green. +Suddenly it seemed to Julia that the world's horizon had been +stretched, the little neatness, the clean, trim brightness, the +bustling, industrious toy world was gone; in its place was the +twilight of the trees, the silence, the repose, the haunting, +indefinable sense of home which is only to be found in these +cathedrals of Nature's making.</p> + +<p>"Ah, the wood!" Denah said, with a profound sigh. "The beautiful wood! +Miss Julia, do you not love it?"</p> + +<p>Julia did not assent, but Denah went on quite satisfied, "You cannot +love it as I do; I think I am a child of Nature, nothing would please +me more than always to live here."</p> + +<p>"You would have to go into the town sometimes," Julia said, "to buy +gloves; the ones you have would not last for ever."</p> + +<p>Denah looked a little puzzled by the difficulty; she had not +apparently thought out the details of life in a natural state; but +before she could come to any conclusion one of the little girls cried, +"Music—I hear music!"</p> + +<p>All the ladies said "Delicious!" together, and "How beautiful!" and +Denah, content to ignore Nature, added rapturously, "Music in the +wood! Ah, exquisite! two beauties together!"</p> + +<p>Julia echoed the remark, though the music was that of a piano-organ. +The horizon had drawn in again, and the prospect narrowed; the silence +was full of noises now, voices and laughter, amidst which the organ +notes did not seem out of place. And near at hand under the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> trees +there were tables spread and people having tea, enjoying themselves in +a simple-hearted, noisy fashion, in no way suggestive of cathedral +twilight.</p> + +<p>The carriage was put up, the tea ordered, and in a little they, too, +were sitting at one of the square tables. Each lady was provided with +a high wooden chair, and a little wooden box footstool. A kettle on a +hot potful of smouldering wood ashes was set on the table; cups and +saucers and goats' milk were also supplied to them, and opaque +beet-root sugar. The food they had brought in their baskets, big new +<i>broodje</i> split in half, buttered and put together again with a +slither of Dutch cheese between. These and, to wind up with, some thin +sweet biscuits carried in a papier-maché box, and handed out singly by +Vrouw Van Heigen, who had brought them as a surprise and a treat.</p> + +<p>"Do they have such picnics as this in England?" Anna asked, as she +gathered up the crumbs of her biscuit.</p> + +<p>"I have never been to one," Julia answered, and inwardly she thought +of her mother and Violet driving in a wheeled ark to the wood, there +to sit at little wooden tables and stretch their mouths in the public +eye.</p> + +<p>"Ah!" said Vrouw Snieder; "then it is all the more of a pleasure and a +novelty to you."</p> + +<p>Julia said it was, and soon afterwards they rose from the table to +walk in the wood. The two elder ladies did not get far, and before +long came back to sit on their wooden chairs again. The girls went +some little distance, all keeping together, and being careful not to +wander out of sight and sound of the other picnic parties. Once when +they came to the extreme limit of their walk, Julia half-hesitated. +She looked into the quiet green distance. It would be easy to leave +them, to give them the slip; she could walk at double their pace with +half their exer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span>tion, she could lose herself among the trees while +they were wondering why she had gone, and making up their minds to +follow her; and, most important of all, when she came back she could +explain everything quite easily, so that they would not think it in +the least strange—an accident, a missing of the way, anything. Should +she do it—should she? The wild creature that had lived half-smothered +within her for all the twenty years of her life fluttered and stirred. +It had stirred before, rebelling against the shams of the Marbridge +life, as it rebelled against the restrictions of the present; it had +never had scope or found vent; still, for all that it was not dead; +possibly, even, it was growing stronger; it called her now to run +away. But she did not do it; advisability, the Polkingtons' patron +saint, suggested to her that one does not learn to shine in the caged +life by allowing oneself the luxury of occasional escape.</p> + +<p>She turned her back on the green distance. "Shall we not go back to +where the music is playing?" she said.</p> + +<p>They went, walking with their arms entwined as other girls were doing, +Julia between the broad, white-skinned sisters, like a rapier between +cushions. The two younger girls ran on in front. "There is Mevrouw," +they cried. "She is calling us. The carriage is ready, too; oh, do you +think it is already time to go?"</p> + +<p>It seemed as if it really was the case. Vrouw Snieder stood clapping +her hands and beckoning to them, and the coachman appeared impatient +to be off. With reluctance, and many times repeated regrets, they +collected their wraps and baskets, and got into the carriage.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye, beautiful wood, good-bye!" Denah said, leaning far out as +they started. "Oh, if one could but remain here till the moon rose!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It would be very damp," her mother observed. "The dew would fall."</p> + +<p>To which incontestable remark Denah made no reply.</p> + +<p>The return journey was much like the drive there, with one exception; +they passed one object of interest they had not seen before. It was +when they were nearing the outskirts of the town that Anna exclaimed, +"An Englishman! Look, look, Miss Julia, a compatriot of yours!"</p> + +<p>The season was full early for tourists, and at no time did the place +attract many. Englishmen who came now probably came on business which +was unlikely to bring them out to these quiet, flat fields. But Anna +and Denah, who joined her in a much more demonstrative look-out than +Marbridge would have considered well-bred, were insistent on the +nationality.</p> + +<p>"He walks like an Englishman," Anna said, "as if all the world +belonged to him."</p> + +<p>"And looks like one," Denah added; "he has no moustache, and wears a +glass in his eye, look, Miss Julia."</p> + +<p>Julia looked, then drew back rather quickly. They were right, it was +an Englishman; it was of all men Rawson-Clew.</p> + +<p>What was he doing here? By what extraordinary chance he came to be in +this unlikely place she could not think. She was very glad that +Mevrouw felt the air chilly, and so had had the leather flaps pulled +over part of the open sides of the carriage; this and the eager +sisters screened her so well that it was unlikely he could see her.</p> + +<p>"Is he not an Englishman?" Anna asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes," she answered; "one could not mistake him for anything else."</p> + +<p>"I wonder if he recognised you as a country-woman,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> Anna speculated; +and Julia said she did not consider herself typically English in +appearance.</p> + +<p>The sisters talked for the rest of the way of the Englishman; of his +air and bearing, and the fact, of which they declared themselves +convinced, that he was a person of distinction.</p> + +<p>But it was not till the drive was over, and the party had separated, +that Denah was able to say what was burning on her tongue. They had +left the clerk's children at their house, said good-bye to Vrouw Van +Heigen and Julia, and were within their own home at last; the girls +went up to their bedroom, and Denah carefully fastened the door, then +she said mysteriously, "Miss Julia knows that Englishman."</p> + +<p>Anna jumped at the intelligence, and still more at the tone. "Did she +tell you?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"No," Denah replied with some scorn; "she would not tell any one, she +wishes it concealed; she thinks it is so, but I saw it."</p> + +<p>The tone and manner suggested many things, but Anna was a terribly +matter-of-fact person, to whom suggestions were nothing. "Why should +she wish it concealed?" she inquired.</p> + +<p>"I do not know why," Denah answered; "that remains to be seen. As for +how I know it, I saw it in her face; when she looked at him her lips +became set, and her eyes—she looked—" She hesitated for a word, and +dropped to the homely, "She looked as if she would bite with annoyance +that he should be here. The expression was gone in a moment; she spoke +with an ease and naturalness that was astonishing, even disgusting; +but it had been there. I do not trust her."</p> + +<p>The last was said with great seriousness, and for a little Anna was +impressed. But not for long, she could<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> not accept such evidence as +this; in her opinion it was "fancy."</p> + +<p>"You read too many romances," she said; "your head is full of such +things. I do not believe Miss Julia knew the Englishman, she would not +have hidden from us her knowledge if she did; it is not so easy to +hide one's feelings in the flash of an eye, besides there was no +reason. Also"—this as an afterthought—"he was a man of good family; +you could see at a glance that he was of the aristocracy, while she is +a paid companion to Vrouw Van Heigen; she could never before have met +him."</p> + +<p>Denah, however, was not convinced; she only repeated darkly, "I +mistrust her."</p> + +<p>Julia, in the meantime, was busy with her household duties, talking +over the excursion the while with Mevrouw, and helping to detail it to +Mijnheer. At last the table was ready for supper and the coffee made. +Mevrouw sat with her crochet, and Mijnheer opposite her with his +paper. It wanted more than a quarter of an hour to supper time, Julia +had been too quick; still it did not matter, the coffee would not hurt +standing on the spirit-stove; it stood there half the day. She had all +this time to spare, but she did not fetch her crochet work; she went +outside to the veranda.</p> + +<p>It was almost dark by this time, as dark as it ever got on these +nights; the air was still and warm. She opened the glass door and went +out and sat down on the step. There was a smell of water in the air, +not unpleasant, but quite un-English, and mixed with it a faint smell +of flowers, the late blooming bulbs have little scent on the whole; it +was more the heavy dew than the flowers themselves which one could +smell. It was very quiet out here; the town, at no time noisy, was +some distance away—so quiet that Julia could hear the ticking of Mr. +Gillat's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span> large watch in her belt. She pushed it further down; she did +not want to hear it.</p> + +<p>She propped her elbows on her knees, and her chin on her hands. She +wished she had not seen Rawson-Clew that day; she wished she was not +here, she wished there was no such thing as a blue daffodil; she was +vaguely angry and dissatisfied, but not willing to face things. It was +unlikely that the man had seen her, unlikely that she would see him +again; but he was incongruous in this simple life, and he brought +forcibly home the incongruity of herself and her errand. She had come +for the blue daffodil, it was no good pretending she had not; she told +herself angrily, as she had told herself when she had first looked at +Johnny's yellow-faced watch, that she was going to get it in some way +that was justifiable. Only it was not so easy to believe that now she +knew more about it and the Van Heigens. But she must have it, that was +the argument she fell back on, the necessity was so great that she was +justified (the Polkingtons had always found necessity a justification +for doing things that could be anyhow made to square with their +position).</p> + +<p>She wished she had not been for the excursion to-day, that she lived +less really in their simple, sincere life. She wished from her heart +that the Van Heigens had been different sort of people—almost any +other sort, then she would not have had these tiresome +feelings—Johnny and Johnny's watch, Joost Van Heigen—there was +something about them all that was hatefully embarrassing. No +self-respecting thief robbed a child; even the most apathetic +conscience revolted at such an idea. No gentleman worthy of the name +attacked an unarmed man, the preparedness of the parties made all the +difference between murder and fair fight. Of course, in the abstract, +stealing was stealing under all conditions, and killing killing,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> and +both open to condemnation; but in the concrete, in fact, the equality +of the two persons made all the difference, at least to honour.</p> + +<p>Julia moved uneasily and looked, without seeing, across the dark +garden. The monotonous sound of voices floated out indistinctly; the +old pair in the sitting-room were talking in the lamplight, Mevrouw +going over once again the little incidents of the day. Joost was in +the drawing-room at the other end of the house; he had been playing +some of his favourite composer; he had stopped now, and was doubtless +sorting his music and putting it away, each piece four-square and +absolutely neat. Day by day, and year by year, they lived this quiet +life, with a drive for a rare holiday treat, and the discovery of a +new flower as the goal of all hope and ambition. Things did not happen +to them, bad things that needed doubtful remedies; they had never had +to scratch for their living, and show one face outwards and another +in. They, none of them, ever wanted to do things; they had not the +courage. How much of virtue was lack of courage and a desire not to be +remarkable?</p> + +<p>Julia asked herself the question defiantly, and did not hear Joost +come out of the house. He was carrying a lantern, and was going to +make his nightly round of the barns. She did not hear his step, and so +started when she saw the light swing across the ground at her feet.</p> + +<p>He was quite as startled to see her as she was to see him, but his +greeting was a very usual question in Holland, "Will you not catch +cold?"</p> + +<p>She shook her head, and he asked, "What are you doing? Thinking? +Weaving in your head all that you have seen and heard to-day?"</p> + +<p>"No," she answered; "I was thinking about courage."</p> + +<p>"Courage?" he repeated, puzzled.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes, it is very different in different places; some people are afraid +to tell the truth, so they lie; and some are afraid to be dishonest, +so they are honest; I believe it depends partly on fashion."</p> + +<p>Joost set down the lantern in sheer surprise. "Such things cannot +depend on fashion," he said severely.</p> + +<p>"I am not so sure," Julia answered; "lots of things you would not +expect depend on it. I know people who sometimes go without the food +they want so that they can buy expensive cakes to show off when their +acquaintances come to tea—that's silly, isn't it? Then I know other +people who blush if a pair of breeches, or something equally +inoffensive, are mentioned; that seems equally silly. One lot of +people is ashamed to be seen eating bread-and-cheese suppers, another +lot is ashamed to be seen walking off the side-walk, and with no +gloves on. One would hardly expect in, yet I almost believe these +silly little things somehow make a difference to what the people think +right and wrong."</p> + +<p>Joost regarded her doubtfully, though he could only see the outline of +her face. "Are you making fun?" he asked. "I do not know when you are +making fun; I think you must be now. Are you speaking of us?"</p> + +<p>"I never felt less like making fun in my life," Julia answered +ignoring the last question. Something in her tone struck Joost as sad, +and he forgot his question in sympathy.</p> + +<p>"I am sorry," he said; "you are unhappy, and I have intruded upon you; +will you forgive me? You are thinking of your home, no doubt; you have +not had a letter from England for a long time."</p> + +<p>Julia wished he did not notice so many things. "I did not expect a +letter," she said; "my eldest sister was married last week, there +would be no time to write to me<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span> till everything was over; most likely +I shall hear to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"Is your sister married?" he asked; "and you were not able to be +present?"</p> + +<p>"It is too far to go home from here," Julia said; then asked, "Were +you going to the barns?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," he answered, suddenly reminded of the fact. Then seeing she did +not resume her seat on the steps, he ventured diffidently, "Will you +come too?"</p> + +<p>She assented, and they started together in silence, Joost thinking her +homesick, not knowing quite what to say. When they came to the first +of the dark buildings they went in, and he swung the lantern round so +that their shadows danced fantastically. Then he tried various doors, +and glanced up the wall-ladder to the square opening which led to the +floor above. There was no need to examine the place minutely, it was +all quiet and dark; if there had been any one about they would +certainly have heard, and if there had been anything smouldering—a +danger more to be feared, seeing that the men smoked everywhere—it +could have been smelt in the dry air.</p> + +<p>"I like these barns," Julia said, looking round: "they are so big and +quiet and orderly, somehow so respectable."</p> + +<p>"Respectable!" he repeated, as if he did not approve of the word. "Is +that what you like? The respectable?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, in its place; and its place is here."</p> + +<p>"You think us respectable?"</p> + +<p>"Well, are you not? I think you are the most respectable people in the +world."</p> + +<p>She led the way through to the next barn as she spoke. "You are going +here, too, I suppose?" she said.</p> + +<p>"I will just look round," he answered.</p> + +<p>They went on together until they came to the last barn of all; while +they paused there a moment they heard a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span> rustling and movement in the +dark, far corner. Joost started violently, then he said, "It is a rat, +you must not be afraid; it will not run this way."</p> + +<p>"I am not afraid," Julia said with amusement. "Do you think I am +afraid of rats?"</p> + +<p>"Girls often are."</p> + +<p>"Well, I am not," and it was clear from her manner that she spoke the +truth.</p> + +<p>"Would you be afraid to come out here alone?" he asked curiously.</p> + +<p>"No," she said; "any night that you like I will come here alone, go +through the barns and fasten the doors."</p> + +<p>"I do not believe there are many girls who would do that," he said; he +was thinking of Denah and Anna.</p> + +<p>Julia told him there were plenty who would. As they came back, +stopping to fasten each door after them, he remarked, "I think girls +are usually brought up with too much protection; I mean girls of our +class, they are too much shielded; one has them for the house only; if +they were flowers I would call them stove-plants."</p> + +<p>Julia laughed. "You believe in the emancipation of women then?" she +said; "you would rather a woman could take care of herself, and not be +afraid, than be womanly?"</p> + +<p>"No," he answered; "I would like them to be both, as you are."</p> + +<p>They had come outside now; she was standing in the misty moon-light, +while he stayed to fasten the last door.</p> + +<p>"I?" she said; "you seem to think me a paragon—clever, brave, +womanly. Do you know what I really am? I am bad; by a long way the +wickedest person you have known."</p> + +<p>But he did not believe her, which was perhaps not altogether +surprising.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI</h2> + +<h3>DEBTOR AND CREDITOR</h3> +<p>Violet Polkington was married, and, as a consequence, the financial +affairs of the family were in a state that can only be described as +wonderful. They were intricately involved, of course, and there was no +chance of their being clear again for a year at least; but, also, +there was no chance of them being found out, appearances were better +than ever.</p> + +<p>Mr. Frazer had been given a small living, whether by the deserved +kindness of fortune, or by reason of his own efforts, or the +Polkingtons, is not known. Anyhow he had it, and he and Violet were +married in June with all necessary <i>éclat</i>. Local papers described the +event in glowing terms, appreciative friends said it was the prettiest +wedding in years, and in due time Chèrie wrote and told Julia about +it. The Captain also wrote; his point of view was rather different, +but his letter filled up gaps in Chèrie's information, and Julia's own +past experience filled up the remaining gaps in both.</p> + +<p>The letters came on Tuesday, as Julia expected, a little before dinner +time; she was still reading them when Mijnheer and his son came in +from the office. Joost smiled sympathetically when he saw she had +them, glad on her account; and she, almost unconsciously, crumpled +together the sheets that lay on the table beside her, as if she were +afraid they would betray their contents to him.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You have good news from home?" said Mijnheer; "your parents are +well?"</p> + +<p>"Quite well, thank you," Julia answered. She had just come to the +place in her father's letter where he regretted that such very light +refreshments were the fashion at wedding receptions. "It is, of +course, as your mother says, less expensive, but at such a time who +would spare expense—if it were the fashion? I assure you I had +literally nothing to eat at the time, or afterwards; your mother +thinking it advisable as soon as we were alone, to put away the cakes +for future visitors. At such a time, when a man's feelings are nearly +touched, he needs support; I did not have it, and I cannot say that I +have felt myself since."</p> + +<p>Julia read to the end of the letter; Mijnheer had by this time taken +up a paper, but Joost watched her as she folded the sheets. He did not +speak, it seemed he would not intrude upon her; there was something +dog-like in this sympathy with what was not understood. She felt +vaguely uncomfortable by reason of it, and spoke to break the spell. +"Everything went off very well," she said.</p> + +<p>The words were for him alone, since Mijnheer was now reading, and also +knew nothing of the subject. The smile brightened on his face. "Did +it?" he answered. "I am very glad. They must have missed you much, and +thought often of you."</p> + +<p>Julia nodded. Chèrie had said. "I must say I think it is a pity you +were not here; it is important to have some one with a head in the +background; mother and I had to be the fore, so of course we could not +do it; if you had been here several things would have gone better, and +some waste have been saved."</p> + +<p>This remark Julia did not communicate to Joost; she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span> put the letter in +her pocket, and went to fetch the dinner. After dinner she was to go +on an errand for Mevrouw. It would take a long time, all the evening +in fact, for it was to an old relative who lived in a village about +three miles from the town. Walking was the only way of getting to the +place, except twice a week when a little cargo boat went down the +canal, and took some hours about it. This was neither the day nor the +time for the boat, Julia would have to walk; but, as she assured +Mevrouw, she much preferred it. Accordingly, as soon as dinner was +finished, she was given a great many messages, mostly of a condoling +nature, for the old lady was ill in bed, some strengthening soup, and +a little bottle of the peach-brandy. With these things packed in a +substantial marketing basket, she started.</p> + +<p>Through the town she went with that easy step and indifference to the +presence of other people that Denah so criticised, faster and faster +her spirits rising. Once or twice she looked in at the low windows +that stood open on the shady side of the street; there she saw the +heads of families smoking their after-dinner pipes, while their wives +and daughters sat crocheting and watching the passersby. There were +chairs with crimson velvet seats in most of the rooms, and funny +little cabinet, or side-board things of bright red mahogany, with +modern Delft vases, very blue indeed, upon them. And always there was +a certain snugness, perhaps even smugness, about the rooms. At least, +so it seemed to her as she looked in, almost insolently pleased to be +outside, to be free and alone.</p> + +<p>In time she came to the outskirts of the town, the canal lay on her +right, and on her left, flat green fields, cut up by innumerable +ditches, and set with frequent windmills, all black and white, and +mostly used for maintaining the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span> water level. There were people busy +in the fields, but to Julia they only gave the idea of ants, and did +not intrude upon her mind in the least. It was all very quiet and +green around, and quiet and blue above, except for the larks singing +rapturously. Certainly it was very good to be away from the Van +Heigens, away from the ceaseless little reiteration of Mevrouw's talk, +from the minute, punctilious conventions, from Joost's quiet gaze, +from the proximity of the hateful, necessary blue daffodil. With a +violent rebound Julia shook off the feeling that had been growing on +her of late, and was once more possibly reckless, but certainly free, +and no longer under the spell of her surroundings. Her young blood +coursed quickly, her eyes shone, the basket she carried grew light; +she might have sung as she went had not Nature, in withholding the +ability, also kindly withheld the inclination.</p> + +<p>Soon after leaving the town, a side road cut into the main one; a +waggon was lumbering down it at no great pace, but just before the +branch road joined the main one the driver cracked his whip loudly, so +that his team of young horses started forward suddenly. Too suddenly +for the comprehension of some children who were playing in the road; +for a second or more they looked at the approaching waggon, then, when +the necessity dawned upon them, they ran for safety, one one way, one +another, and the third, a baby boy, like a chicken, half across the +way to the right, then, after a scurry in the middle, back again to +the left, under the horses' feet.</p> + +<p>Julia shouted to him, but in the excitement of the moment she spoke +English, and not Dutch, though it hardly mattered, for the little boy +was far too frightened to understand anything. It certainly would have +fared badly with him had she not followed up her cry by darting into +the road, seizing him by the shoulder, and flinging<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> him with +considerable force against the green wayside bank. She was only just +in time; as it was, the foremost horse struck her shoulder and sent +her rolling into the dust.</p> + +<p>For an instant she lay there, perilously near the big grinding wheels; +an almost imperceptible space, yet somehow long enough for her to +decide quite calmly that it was impossible to scramble to her feet in +time, so she had better draw her legs up and trust to the wheels +missing her. Then suddenly the wheels stopped, and some one who had +seized the horses' heads addressed the waggoner with the English idiom +that is perhaps most widely known.</p> + +<p>Julia heard "damned fool" in quite unemotional English, and almost +simultaneously the guttural shrieks of two peasant women who +approached. She picked herself up, then moving two paces to the side, +stopped to put her hat straight with a calmness she did not quite +feel. There was a volley of exclamations from the peasant women, and +"Are you hurt?" the man who had stopped the horses asked her, speaking +now in Dutch, though with an English accent.</p> + +<p>"No," she answered, winking back the water which had come into her +eyes with the force of the blow, and she turned her back on him so +that he should not see her do it.</p> + +<p>"My good women," she said shortly to the peasants who, with upraised +hands and many gestures, stared at her, "there is nothing the matter, +there is no reason why you should stand there and look at me; I assure +you no one has been hurt, and no one is going to be; you had much +better go on your way, as I shall do. Good-afternoon."</p> + +<p>She walked a few paces down the road, not in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span> direction she +intended to go certainly, but she was too shaken for the moment to +notice which way she took, and was only actuated by a desire to get +away and put an end to a scene. The movement and the words were not +without effect; the two women, a good deal astonished, obeyed +automatically, and, picking up the burdens they had set down, trudged +on their way, not realising for some time how much offended they were +at the curt behaviour of the "mad English." The children by this time +had ceased staring and returned to their play; the waggoner, muttering +some surly words, drove on. Julia sat on the bank by the roadside, and +tried to brush the dust from her dress. The Englishman, after making +some parting remarks to the waggoner, this time in Dutch, though still +in the quiet, drawling voice which was much at variance with the +language, had gone to pick up the basket. She wished she had thanked +him for his timely assistance when she first scrambled to her feet, +and gone on at once, then she could have done this necessary sitting +down when he was out of sight, and come back for the stupid basket +when she remembered it. But now she would have to thank him formally, +and perhaps explain things, and say expressly that she was not hurt, +and this while she was shaken and dusty. Mercifully he was English, +and so would not expect much; she looked at his back with +satisfaction. He was scarcely as tall as many Hollanders, but very +differently built. To Julia, looking at him rather stupidly, his +proportions, like his clothes, appeared very nearly perfect after +those she had been used to seeing lately. When he turned and she saw +for the first time his face, she was not very much surprised, though +really it was surprising that Rawson-Clew should still be hereabouts.</p> + +<p>Their eyes met in mutual recognition. Afterwards she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> wondered why she +did not pretend to be Dutch, it ought to have been possible; he had +only seen her once before, and her knowledge of the language was much +better than his. And even if he had not been deceived, he would have +been bound to acquiesce to her pretence, had she persisted in it. But +she did not think of it before their mutual recognition had made it +too late.</p> + +<p>"I hope you are not hurt," he said, as he crossed the road with the +basket.</p> + +<p>"No," she answered, "thanks to you—"</p> + +<p>But he, evidently sharing her dislike for a fuss, was even more +anxious than she not to dwell on that, and dismissed the subject +quickly. He began to wipe the bottom of the basket, from which soup +was dripping, talking the while of the carelessness of continental +drivers and the silliness of children of all nations, perhaps to give +her time to recover.</p> + +<p>She agreed with him, and then repeated her thanks.</p> + +<p>He again set them aside. "It's nothing," he said; "I am glad to have +had the opportunity, especially since it also gives me the opportunity +of offering you some apology for an unfortunate misunderstanding which +arose when last I saw you. You must feel that it needs an apology."</p> + +<p>For a moment Julia's eyes showed her surprise; an apology was not what +she expected, and, to tell the truth, it did not altogether please +her. She knew that she and her father had no right to it while the +money was unpaid.</p> + +<p>"Please do not apologise," she said; "there is no need, I quite +understand."</p> + +<p>"I was labouring under a false impression," Rawson-Clew explained.</p> + +<p>She nodded. "I know," she said, "but it is cleared up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span> now; no one who +spoke with my father could possibly imagine he lived by his wits."</p> + +<p>Which ambiguous remark may have been meant to apply to the Captain's +mental outfit more than his moral one. When Rawson-Clew knew Julia +better he came to the conclusion it probably did, at the time he +thought it wise not to answer it.</p> + +<p>"Here is your basket," he said; "I think it is clean now."</p> + +<p>She made a movement to take it, but her arm was numb and powerless +from the blow she had received; it was the right shoulder which had +been struck, and that hand was clearly useless for the time being; +with a wince of pain, she stretched out the left.</p> + +<p>But he drew the basket back. "You are hurt," he said.</p> + +<p>"No, I'm not, nothing to speak of; it only hurts me when I move that +arm; I will carry the basket with the other hand."</p> + +<p>"How far have you to go?"</p> + +<p>She told him to the village and back.</p> + +<p>"You had better go straight home at once," he said.</p> + +<p>"I can't do that," she answered. She did not explain that she did not +want to, the pain in her shoulder not being bad enough to make her +want to give up this first hour of freedom. "My shoulder does not hurt +if I do not move it," she said; "I can carry the basket with the other +hand."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps you will allow me to carry it for you?" he suggested; "I am +going the same way."</p> + +<p>"No, thank you," she returned. "Thanks very much for the offer, but +there isn't any need; I can manage quite well. I expect you will want +to go faster than I do." She spoke decidedly, and turned about +quickly; as she did<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> so, she caught sight of the bottle of +peach-brandy in the grass.</p> + +<p>"Oh, there's the brandy," she exclaimed; "I mustn't go without that."</p> + +<p>He fetched the fortunately unbroken bottle and put it in the basket, +but he did not give it to her.</p> + +<p>"I will carry this," he said; "if our pace does not agree, if you +would prefer to walk more slowly, I will wait for you at the beginning +of the village."</p> + +<p>Julia rose to her feet, there was no choice left to her but to +acquiesce; from her heart she wished he would leave the basket and go +alone; she wished even that he would be rude to her, she felt that +then he would have been nearer her level and her father's. She +resented alike his presence and his courtesy, and she could not show +either feeling, only accept what he offered and walk by his side, just +as if no money was owed, and no letter, condescendingly cancelling the +debt, had been written. She grew hot as she thought of that carefully +worded letter, and hot when she thought of her father's relief +thereat. And here, here was the man who must have dictated the letter, +and probably paid the debt, behaving just as if such things never +existed. He was walking with her—she could not give him ten yards +start and follow him into the village—and making polite conversations +about the weather, and the road, and the quantity of soup that had +been spilled.</p> + +<p>She pulled herself together, and, feeling the situation to be beyond +remedy, determined to bear herself bravely, and carry it off with what +credit she could. She glanced at the more than half-empty soup can. "I +am afraid you are right," she said; "there is a great deal of it gone; +still, that is not without advantage—I shall be sent to take some +more in a day or two."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You wish that?" he inquired.</p> + +<p>"Yes," she answered, "I find the exercise beneficial; I have had too +much pudding lately."</p> + +<p>He looked politely surprised, and she went on to explain.</p> + +<p>"It is very wholesome," she said, "but a bit stodgy; I think it is too +really good to be taken in such large quantities by any one like me. +It is unbelievably good, it makes one perfectly ashamed of oneself; +and unbelievably narrow, it makes one long for bed-time."</p> + +<p>She broke off to smile at his more genuine surprise, and her smile, +like that of some other people of little real beauty, was one of +singular charm.</p> + +<p>"Did you think I meant actual pudding?" she asked. "I didn't; I meant +just the whole life here; if you knew the people well, the real middle +class ones, you would understand."</p> + +<p>"I think I can understand without knowing them well," he said; "I +fancy there is a good deal of pudding about; in fact, I myself am +feeling its rather oppressive influence."</p> + +<p>"The town is paved with it," Julia declared. "I thought so this +afternoon. I also thought, though it is Tuesday, it was just like a +spring Sunday; every day is like that."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew suggested that many people appreciated spring Sundays.</p> + +<p>"So do I," Julia agreed, "but in moderation; you can't do your washing +on Sunday, nor your harvesting in spring. An endless succession of +spring Sundays is very awkward when you have got—well, week-day work +to do, don't you think so?"</p> + +<p>He wondered a little what week-day work she had in her mind, but he +did not ask.</p> + +<p>"Are you living with a Dutch family?" he inquired.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span></p> + +<p>She nodded. "As companion," she said; "sort of superior general +servant."</p> + +<p>"Indeed? Then it must have been you I saw yesterday; I thought so at +the time; you were driving with some Dutch ladies."</p> + +<p>Julia was surprised that he had seen and recognised her. "We went for +an excursion yesterday," she said; "they called it a picnic."</p> + +<p>She told him about it, not omitting any of the points which had amused +her. Could Joost have heard her, he would have felt that his suspicion +that she sometimes laughed at them more than justified; but she did +not give a thought to Joost, and probably would not have paused if she +had. She wanted to pass the present time, and she was rather reckless +how, so long as Rawson-Clew either talked himself, or seemed +interested in what she said; also, it must be admitted, though it was +to this man, it was something of a treat to talk freely again. So she +gave him the best account she could, not only of the excursion, but of +other things too. And if it was his attention she wanted, she should +have been satisfied, for she apparently had it, at first only the +interest of courtesy, afterwards something more; it even seemed, +before the end, as if she puzzled him a little, in spite of his years +and experience.</p> + +<p>He found himself mentally contrasting the life at the Van Heigens', as +she described it, with that which he had imagined her to have led at +Marbridge, and, now that he talked to her, he could not find her exact +place in either.</p> + +<p>"You must find Dutch conventionality rather trying," he said at last.</p> + +<p>"I am not used to it yet," she answered; "when I am it will be no +worse than the conventionality at home."</p> + +<p>He felt he was wrong in one of his surmises; clearly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> she was not +really Bohemian. "Surely," he said, "you have not found these absurd +rules and restrictions in England?"</p> + +<p>"Not the same ones; we study appearances one way, and they do another; +but it comes to the same thing, so far as I am concerned. One day I +hope to be able to give it up and retire; when I do I shall wear +corduroy breeches and if I happen to be in the kitchen eating onions +when people come to see me, I shall call them in and offer them a +share."</p> + +<p>"Rather an uncomfortable ambition, isn't that?" he inquired. "I am +afraid you will have to wait some time for its fulfilment, especially +the corduroy. I doubt if you will achieve that this side the grave, +though you might perhaps make a provision in your will to be buried in +it."</p> + +<p>Julia laughed a little. "You think my family would object? They would; +but, you see, I should be retiring from them as well as from the +world, the corduroy might be part of my bulwarks."</p> + +<p>"I don't think you could afford it even for that; do you think women +ever can afford that kind of disregard for appearances?"</p> + +<p>"Plain ones can," she said; "it is the only compensation they have for +being plain; not much, certainly, seeing what they lose, but they have +it. When you can never look more than indifferent, it does not matter +how much less you look."</p> + +<p>"That is a rather unusual idea," he remarked; "it appears sound in +theory, but in practice—"</p> + +<p>"Sounder still," she answered him.</p> + +<p>He laughed. "I'm afraid you won't make many converts here," he said, +"where nearly every woman is plain, and according to your experience, +every one, men and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> women too, think a great deal of looks; at all +events, correct ones."</p> + +<p>"They do do that," she admitted; "they just worship propriety and the +correct, and have the greatest notion of the importance of their +neighbours' eyes. It is a perfect treat to be out alone, and not have +to regard them—this is the first time I have been out alone since I +have been here."</p> + +<p>"Rather hard; I thought every one had—er—time off."</p> + +<p>"An evening out?" she suggested. "I believe the number of evenings out +is regulated by the number of applications for the post when vacant; +cooks could get more evenings than housemaids, and nursery governesses +might naturally expect a minus number, if that were possible. There +would be lots of applications for my post, so I can't expect many +evenings; however, I have thought of a plan by which I can get out +again and again!"</p> + +<p>"What will you do?" he inquired.</p> + +<p>"I shall get Denah—she is one of the girls who went for the +excursion—to come and teach Mevrouw a new crochet pattern after +dinner of a day. It will take ages, Mevrouw learns very slowly, and +Denah will know better than to hurry matters; she admires Mijnheer +Joost, the Van Heigens' son, and she will be only too delighted to +have an excuse to come to the house."</p> + +<p>"And if she is there you will have a little leisure? Some one always +has to be on duty? Is that it?"</p> + +<p>Julia laughed softly. "If she is there," she said, "she will want me +out of the way, and I am not satisfactorily out of the way when I am +anywhere on the premises. Not that Mijnheer Joost talks to me when I +am there, or would talk to her if I were not; she just mistrusts every +unmarried female by instinct."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span></p> + +<p>"A girl's instinct in such matters is not always wrong," Rawson-Clew +observed.</p> + +<p>But if he thought Julia had any mischievous propensities of that sort +he was mistaken. "I should not think of interfering in such an +affair," she said; "why, it would be the most suitable thing in the +world, as suitable as it is for my handsome and able sister to marry +the ambitious and able nephew of a bishop; they are the two halves +that make one whole. Denah and Joost would live a perfectly ideal +pudding life; he with his flowers—that is his work, you know; he +cares for nothing besides, really—and she with her housekeeping. He +with a little music for relaxation, she with her neighbours and +accomplishments; it would be as neat and complete and suitable as +anything could be."</p> + +<p>"And that commends it to you? I should have imagined that what was +incongruous and odd pleased you better."</p> + +<p>"I like that too," she was obliged to admit, "though best when the +people concerned don't see the incongruity; but I don't really care +either way, whether things are incongruous or suitable, I enjoy both, +and should never interfere so long as they don't upset my concerns and +the end in view."</p> + +<p>He looked at her curiously; again it seemed he was at fault; she was +not merely a wayward girl in revolt against convention, saying what +she deemed daring for the sake of saying it, and in the effort to be +original. She was not posing as a Bohemian any more than she was truly +one.</p> + +<p>"Have you usually an end in view?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Have not you?" she answered, turning on him for a moment eyes that +Joost had described as "eating up what they looked at." "Of course," +she said, looking away<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span> again, "it is quite natural, and very +possible, that you are here for no purpose, and I am here for no +purpose too; you might quite well have come to this little town for +amusement, and I have come for the money I might earn as a companion. +Or you might have drifted here by accident, as I might, without any +special reason—" She stopped as she spoke; they were fast approaching +the first house of the village now, and she held out her hand for the +basket. "I will take it," she said; "I have a very short distance to +go; thank you so much."</p> + +<p>"Let me carry it the rest of the way," he insisted; "I am going +through the village; we may as well go the rest of the way together, I +want you to tell me—"</p> + +<p>But Julia did not tell him anything, except that her way was by the +footpath which turned off to the right. "I could not think of +troubling you further," she said. "Thank you."</p> + +<p>She put her hand on the basket, so that he was obliged to yield it; +then, with another word of thanks, she said "good-evening," and +started by the path.</p> + +<p>For a moment he looked after her, annoyed and interested against his +will; of course, she meant nothing by her words about his purpose and +her own, still it gave him food for reflection about her, and the +apparent incongruity of her present surroundings. On the whole, he was +glad he had met her, partly for the entertainment she had given, and +partly for the opportunity he had had to apologise.</p> + +<p>An apology was due to her for the affair of last winter, he felt it; +though, at the same time, he could not hold himself much to blame in +the matter. He had gone to Marbridge to see into his young cousin's +affairs at the request of the boy's widowed mother. The affairs, as +might have been expected, were in muddle enough, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> the boy himself +was incorrigibly silly and extravagant. The whole business needed tact +and patience, and in the end had not been very satisfactorily +arranged; during the process Captain Polkington's name had been +mentioned more than once; he figured, among other ways, of spending +much and getting little in return. Somehow or other Rawson-Clew had +got the impression that the Captain was—well, perhaps pretty much +what he really had come to be; and if that was not quite what his wife +had persuaded herself and half Marbridge to think him, surely no one +was to blame. The mistake made was about the Captain's wife and +daughters and position in the town; Rawson-Clew, in the first +instance, never gave them a thought; the Captain was a detached person +in his mind, and, as such, a possible danger to his cousin's loose +cash. He went to No. 27 to talk plainly to the man, not to tell him he +was a shark and an adventurer; it was the Captain himself who +translated and exaggerated thus; not even to tell him what he thought, +that he was a worthless old sponge, but to make it plain that things +would not go on as they had been doing. The girl's interruption had +been annoying, so ill-timed and out of place; she ought to have gone +at once when he suggested it; she had placed him and herself, too, in +an embarrassing position; yet, at the same time—he saw it now, though +he did not earlier—there was something quaint in the way she had both +metaphorically and actually stood between him and her miserable old +father. He had dictated the subsequent letter to the Captain more on +her account than anything else. He considered that by it he was making +her the amend honourable for the unfortunate interview of the +afternoon, as well as closing the incident. Of course, nothing real +was forfeited by the letter, for under no circumstances would the +money have been repaid; he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> never had any delusion about that. From +which it appears that his opinion of the Captain had not changed.</p> + +<p>As for his opinion of Julia, he had not one when he first saw her, +except that she had no business to be there; now, however, he felt +some little interest in her. There was very little that was +interesting in this small Dutch town; it was a refreshing change, he +admitted it to himself, to see a girl here who put her clothes on +properly; something of a change to meet one anywhere who did not at +once fall into one of the well-defined categories.</p> + +<p>Much in this world has to be lain at the door of opportunity, and +idleness in youth, and <i>ennui</i> and boredom in middle ages. Rawson-Clew +was in the borderland between the two, and did not consider himself +open to the temptations of either. He was not idle, he had things to +do; and he was not bored, he had things to think about; but not enough +of either to prevent him from having a wide margin.</p> + +<p>When he met Julia again there was no reason for dropping the +acquaintance renewed through necessity. But also there was no +opportunity, on that occasion, for pushing it further, even if there +had been inclination, for she was not alone.</p> + +<p>It was on Saturday evening; she was walking down the same road, much +about the same time, but there was with her a tall, fair young man, +with a long face and loose limbs. He carried, of course, an +umbrella—that was part of his full dress—and the basket—he walked +between her and the cart track. She bowed sedately to Rawson-Clew, and +the young man, becoming tardily aware of it, took off his hat, rather +late, and with a sweeping foreign flourish. She wore a pair of cotton +gloves, and lifted her dress a few inches, and glanced shyly up at her +escort now and then as he talked. They were speaking Dutch, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span> she +was behaving Dutch, as plain and demure a person as it was possible to +imagine, until she looked back, then Rawson-Clew saw a very devil of +mockery and mischief flash up in her eyes. Only for a second; the +expression was gone before her head was turned again, and that was +decorously soon. But it had been there; it was like the momentary +parting of the clouds on a grey day; it illumined her whole face—her +mind, too, perhaps—as the eerie, tricky gleam, which is gone before a +man knows it, lights up the level landscape, and transforms it to +something new and strange.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew walked on ahead of the pair; he had to outpace them, since +he was bound the same way, and could not walk with them. He was not +sure that he was not rather sorry for Denah, the Dutch girl; one who +can laugh at herself as well as another, and all alone, too, is he +thought, rather apt to enjoy the incongruous more than the suitable.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII</h2> + +<h3>HOW JULIA DID NOT GET THE BLUE DAFFODIL</h3> +<p>Vrouw Van Heigen was learning a new crochet pattern; one did it in +thread of a Sèvres blue shade; when several long strips were made, one +sewed them together with pieces of black satin between each two, and +there was an antimacassar of severe but rich beauty. Denah explained +all this as she set Mevrouw to work on the pattern; it was very +intricate, quite exciting, because it was so difficult; the more +excited the old lady became the more mistakes she made, but it did not +matter; Denah was patience itself, and did not seem to mind how much +time she gave. She came every day after dinner (that is to say, about +six o'clock), and when she came it was frequently found necessary that +Julia should go to inquire after the invalid cousin. Denah thought +herself the deepest and most diplomatic young woman in Holland; she +even found it in her heart to pity Julia, the poor companion, who she +used as a pawn in her romance. The which, since it was transparently +obvious to the pawn, gave her vast, though private, delight.</p> + +<p>So Julia went almost daily down the long flat road to the village, and +very often Rawson-Clew had to go that way too; and when he did, his +time of going being of necessity much the same time as hers, he was +almost bound to walk with her. There was but one way to the place; +they must either walk together in the middle of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span> road, or else +separately, one side of it; and seeing that they were of the same +nationality, in a foreign land, and had some previous acquaintance, it +would have been nothing short of absurd to have done the latter. So as +often as they met they walked together and talked of many things, and +in the course of time Rawson-Clew came to find Julia's company a good +deal more entertaining than his own; although she had read nothing she +ought to have read, seen nothing she ought to have seen, and +occasionally both thought and said things she certainly ought not, and +was not even conventionally unconventional.</p> + +<p>They usually parted at the footpath, which shortened her way a little, +Rawson-Clew giving her the basket there, and going down the road +alone; in consequence of this it was some time before she knew for +certain where it was he went, although she had early guessed. But one +damp evening she departed from her usual custom. It had been raining +heavily all day, and although it had cleared now, a thick mist lay +over the wet fields.</p> + +<p>"I shall have to go round by the road," she said, as she looked at the +track.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew agreed with her. "I am rather surprised that you came out +at all this evening," he remarked. "I should have thought your careful +friends would have been afraid of colds and wet feet."</p> + +<p>"Vrouw Van Heigen was," Julia answered, "but Denah and I were not. It +is the last opportunity we shall have for a little while; Joost goes +to Germany on business to-morrow."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew laughed. "Which means, I suppose," he said, "that she will +neglect the crochet work, and you will have to superintend it? Not +very congenial to you, is it?"</p> + +<p>"Good discipline," she told him.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And for that reason to be welcomed? Really you deserve to succeed in +whatever it is you are attempting; you do not neglect details."</p> + +<p>"Details are often important," she said; "stopping at home and doing +crochet work while Joost is in Germany, for instance, may help me a +good deal."</p> + +<p>The tone struck Rawson-Clew as implying more than the words said, but +he did not ask for an interpretation, and before long she had put a +question to him. They were nearing a large house that stood far back +from the road on the left hand side. It was a big block of a place, +greyish-white in colour, and with more than half of its windows +bricked up, indescribably gloomy. A long, straight piece of water lay +before it, stretching almost from the walls to the road, from which it +was separated by a low fence. Tall, thick trees grew in a close row on +either side, narrowing the prospect; a path ran up beside them on the +one hand, the only way to the house, but in the steamy mist which lay +thick over everything this evening one could hardly see it, and it +looked as if the place were unapproachable from the front.</p> + +<p>Julia glanced curiously towards the house; it was the only one of any +size or possible interest in the village; the only one, she had +decided some time ago, that Rawson-Clew could have any reason to +visit.</p> + +<p>As they approached the gate she ventured, "You go here, do you not?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," he answered; "to Herr Van de Greutz."</p> + +<p>"The cousin tells me he is a great chemist," Julia said.</p> + +<p>"He is," Rawson-Clew agreed, "and one much absorbed in his work; it is +impossible to see him even on business except in the evening."</p> + +<p>He paused by the gate as he spoke. "You have not much further to go, +have you?" he said. "Will you ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span>cuse me carrying your basket further? +I am afraid I am rather behind my time."</p> + +<p>Julia took the basket, assuring him she had no distance to carry it, +but her eyes as she said it twinkled with amusement; it was not really +late, and she knew it.</p> + +<p>"You are afraid of what will be said next," she thought as she looked +back at the man, who was already vanishing among the mists by the +lake. And the thought pleased her somewhat, for it suggested that +Rawson-Clew had a respect for her acumen, and also that her private +fancy—that the business which brought him here was not of a kind for +public discussion—was correct.</p> + +<p>The cousin was better that evening; she even expressed hopes of living +through the summer, a thing she had not done for more than three days. +Julia cheered and encouraged her in this belief (which, indeed, there +was every reason to think well founded) and gave her the messages and +dainties she had brought. After that they talked of the weather, which +was bad; and the neighbours, who, on the whole, were good. Julia knew +most of them by name by this time—the kind old Padre and his wife; +the captain of the little cargo-boat, who drank a little, and his +generous wife, who talked a great deal; the fat woman who kept fowls, +and the thin one who sometimes stole the eggs. Julia had heard all +about them before, but she heard over again, and a little about the +great chemist, Herr Van de Greutz, too.</p> + +<p>This great man was naturally only a name to the invalid and her +friends, but they had always plenty to say about him. He was so +distinguished that all the village felt proud to have him live on +their borders, and so disagreeable that they were decidedly in awe of +him. Of his domestic arrangements there was always talk; he lived in +his great gloomy house with an old housekeeper, whom<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> Julia knew by +sight, and a young cook, whom she did not; the former was a +permanency, the latter very much the reverse, it being difficult to +find a cook equal to his demands who would for any length of time +endure the shortness of the housekeeper's temper, and the worse one of +her master. The domestic affairs of the chemist were a favourite +subject of gossip, but sometimes his attainments came in for mention +too; they did to-night, the cousin being in a garrulous mood. +According to her, the great man had done everything in science worth +mentioning, and was not only the first chemist in Holland, but in all +the world; he looked down on all others, she said, regarding two +Germans only as anything approaching his peers, all the English and +French being nothing to him. He had discovered a great many things, +dyes, poisons, and explosives; of the last he had recently perfected +one which was twenty-two times stronger than anything before known. +Its nature was, of course, a secret, but it would eventually raise the +little army of Holland far above those of all other nations.</p> + +<p>Julia listened, but especially to the last piece of information, which +struck her as being the one most likely to prove interesting. Soon +after hearing it, however, she was obliged to go. She made her +farewells, and received messages of affection for Mevrouw, condolence +for Mijnheer—who had a cold—and good wishes for Joost's journey. +Then she started homewards, with a light basket and a busy mind.</p> + +<p>It did not take her very long to decide that if there was any truth in +this talk of Van de Greutz's achievements, it must be the last +mentioned—the explosive—which brought Rawson-Clew here. Her judgment +of men, for working purposes at least, was quick and fairly accurate, +necessity and experience had helped Nature to make it so.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> There were +one or two things in connection with Rawson-Clew which were very clear +to her, he was not a scientist pure and simple; she had never met one, +but she knew he was not one, and so was not likely to be interested in +the great chemist for chemistry only. Nor was he a commercial man; +neither his instincts nor his abilities lay in that direction; it was +not a new process, not a trade secret which brought him here. Indeed, +even though he might appreciate the value of such things, he would +never dream of trying to possess himself of them.</p> + +<p>Julia understood perfectly the scale in which such acts stood to men +like Rawson-Clew. To attempt to master a man's discovery for one's own +ends (as in a way she was doing) was impossible, rank dishonesty, +never even contemplated; to do it for business purposes—well, he +might admit it was sometimes necessary in business—commerce had its +morality as law, and the army had theirs—but it was not a thing he +would ever do himself, he would not feel it exactly honourable. But to +attempt to gain a secret for national use was quite another thing, not +only justifiable but right, more especially if, as was probably the +case, the attempt was in fulfilment of a direct order. If after Herr +Van de Greutz had a secret worth anything to England, it was that +which had brought Rawson-Clew to the little town. She was as sure of +it as she was that it was the blue daffodil which had brought her.</p> + +<p>The hateful blue daffodil! Daily, to possess it grew more imperative. +The intercourse with this man, the curious seeming equality that was +being established between them, cried aloud for the paying of the +debt, and the establishing of the reality of equality. She longed +almost passionately to be able to regard herself, to know that the man +had reason to regard her, as his equal. And yet to possess the thing +seemed daily more difficult; more<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> and more plainly did she see that +bribery, persuasion, cajolery were alike useless. The precious bulb +could be got in one way, and one only; it would never fall into her +hands by skilful accident, or nicely stimulated generosity; she must +take it, or she must do without it. She must get it for herself as +deliberately as, in all probability, Rawson-Clew meant to get Herr Van +de Greutz's secret.</p> + +<p>She raised her head and looked at the flat, wet landscape with +unseeing eyes that were contemptuous. How different two not dissimilar +acts could be made to look! If she took the daffodil—and she would +have unique opportunity to try during the next two days—Rawson-Clew +would regard her as little better than a common thief; that is, if he +happened to know about it. She winced a little as she thought of the +faint expression of surprise the knowledge would call up in his +impassive face and cold grey eyes. She could well imagine the slight +difference in his manner to her afterwards, scarcely noticeable to the +casual observer, impossible to be overlooked by her. She told herself +she did not care what he thought; but she did. Pride was grasping at a +desired, but impossible, equality with this man, and here, were the +means used only known, was the nearest way to lose it. At times he had +forgotten the gap of age and circumstances between them—really +forgotten it, she knew, not only ignored it in his well-bred way. He +had for a moment really regarded her as an equal; not, perhaps, as he +might the women of his class, rather the men of like experience and +attainments with himself. That was not what she wanted, but she +recognised plainly that in grasping at a shadowy social feminine +equality by paying the debt, she might well lose this small substance +of masculine equality, for there is no gulf so unbridgeable between +man and man as a different standard of honour.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span></p> + +<p>But after all, she asked herself, what did it matter? He need not +know; she would pay, fulfilling her word, and proving her father an +honest man (which he was not); the debtor could not know how it was +done. And if he did, what then? If she told him herself—he would know +no other way—she would do it deliberately with the set purpose of +tarring him with the same brush; she would show him how his attempt on +Herr Van de Greutz might also be made to look. He would not be +convinced, of course, but at bottom the two things were so related +that it would be surprising if she did not get a few shafts home. He +would not show the wounds then, but they would be there; they would +rankle; there would be some humiliation for him, too. A curious light +crept into her eyes at the thought; she was surer of being able to +reduce him than of exalting herself, and it is good, when +circumstances prevent one from mounting, to drag a superior to the +level of one's humiliation. For a moment she understood something of +the feelings of the brute mob that throws mud.</p> + +<p>By this time she had reached the town, though almost without knowing +it; so deep was she in her thoughts that she did not see Joost coming +towards her. He had been to escort Denah, who had thoughtfully +forgotten to provide herself with a cloak; he was now coming back, +carrying the wrap his mother had lent her.</p> + +<p>Julia started when she became aware of him just in front of her. She +was not pleased to see him; she had no room for him in her mind just +then; he seemed incongruous and out of place. She even looked at him a +little suspiciously, as if she were afraid the fermenting thoughts in +her brain might make themselves felt by him.</p> + +<p>He turned and walked beside her. "I have been to take <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span>home Miss +Denah," he explained. "I saw you a long way off, and thought perhaps I +might escort you; but you are angry; I am sorry."</p> + +<p>Julia could not forbear smiling at him. "I am not angry," she said, as +she would to a child; "I was only thinking."</p> + +<p>"Of something unpleasant, then, that makes you angry?"</p> + +<p>"No; of something that must have been enjoyable. I was thinking how, +in the French Revolution, the women of the people must have enjoyed +throwing mud at the women of the aristocrats; how they must have liked +scratching the paint and the skin from their faces, and tearing their +hair down, and their clothes off."</p> + +<p>Joost stared in amazement. "Do you call that not unpleasant?" he said. +"It is the most grievous, the most pitiable thing in all the world."</p> + +<p>"For the aristocrats, yes," Julia agreed; "but for the others? Can you +not imagine how they must have revelled in it?"</p> + +<p>Joost could not; he could not imagine anything violent or terrible, +and Julia went on to ask him another question, which, however, she +answered herself.</p> + +<p>"Do you know why the women of the people did it? It was not only +because the others had food and they had not; I think it was more +because the aristocrats had a thousand other things that they had not, +and could never have—feelings, instincts, pleasures, +traditions—which they could not have had or enjoyed even if they had +been put in palaces and dressed like queens. It was the fact that they +could never, never rise to them, that helped to make them so furious +to pull all down."</p> + +<p>There was a sincerity of conviction in her tone, but Joost only said, +"You cannot enjoy to think of such<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span> things; it is horrible and +pitiable to remember that human creatures became so like beasts."</p> + +<p>Julia's mood altered. "Pitiable, yes; perhaps you are right. After +all, we are pitiful creatures, and, under the thin veneer, like enough +to the beasts." Then she changed the subject abruptly, and began to +talk of his flowers.</p> + +<p>But he was not satisfied with the change; instinctively he felt she +was talking to his level. "Why do you always speak to me of bulbs and +plants?" he said. "Do you think I am interested in nothing else?"</p> + +<p>"No," she said; "I speak of them because I am interested. Do you not +believe me? It is quite true; you yourself have said that I should +make a good florist; already I have learnt a great deal, although I +have not been here long, and knew nothing before I came."</p> + +<p>"That is so," he admitted; "you are very clever. Nevertheless, I do +not think, if you were alone now, you would be thinking of plants. You +were not when I met you; it was the Revolution, or, perhaps, human +nature—you called it the Revolution in a parable, as you often do +when you speak your thoughts."</p> + +<p>"Why do you trouble about my thoughts?" Julia said, impatiently. "How +do you know what I think?"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps I don't," he answered; "only sometimes it seems to me your +voice tells me though your words do not."</p> + +<p>"My voice?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; it is full of notes like a violin, and speaks more than words. I +suppose all voices have many notes really, but people do not often use +them; they use only a few. You use many; that is why I like to listen +to you when you talk to my parents, or any one. It is like a master +playing on an instrument; you make simple words mean much, more than I +understand sometimes; you can caress<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span> and you can laugh with your +voice; I have heard you do it when I have not been able to understand +what you caress, or at what you laugh, any more than an ignorant +person can understand what the violin says, although he may enjoy to +hear it. To-night you do not caress or laugh; there is something black +in your thoughts."</p> + +<p>"That is human nature, as you say," Julia said shortly, ignoring the +comment on her voice. "Human nature is a hateful, ugly thing; there is +no use in thinking about it."</p> + +<p>"It has certainly fallen," Joost allowed; "but I have sometimes +thought perhaps, if it were not so, it would be a little—a very +little—monotonous."</p> + +<p>"You would not find it dull," Julia told him. "I believe you would not +have got on very well in the Garden of Eden, except that, since all +the herbs grew after their own kind, there would be no opportunity to +hybridise them."</p> + +<p>But the mystery of production and generation, even in the vegetable +world, was not a subject that modesty permitted Joost to discuss with +a girl. His manner showed it, to her impatient annoyance, as he +hastily introduced another aspect of man's first estate. "If we were +not fallen," he added, "we should have no opportunity to rise. That, +indeed, would be a loss; is it not the struggle which makes the grand +and fine characters which we admire?"</p> + +<p>"I don't admire them," Julia returned; "I admire the people who are +born good, because they are a miracle."</p> + +<p>He stopped to unfasten the gate; it did not occur to him that she was +thinking of himself.</p> + +<p>"I cannot agree with you," he said, as they went up the drive +together. "Rather, I admire those who have fought temptation, who are +strong, who know and understand and have conquered; they inspire me to +try and follow.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span> What inspiration is there in the other? Consider Miss +Denah, for an example; she has perhaps never wanted to do more wrong +than to take her mother's prunes, but is there inspiration in her? She +is as soft and as kind as a feather pillow, and as inspiring. But +you—you told me once you were bad; I did not believe you; I did not +understand, but now I know your meaning. You have it in your power to +be bad or to be good; you know which is which, for you have seen +badness, and know it as men who live see it. You have fought with it +and conquered; you have struggled, you do struggle, you have strength +in you. That is why you are like a lantern that is sometimes bright +and sometimes dim, but always a beacon."</p> + +<p>"I am nothing of the sort," Julia said sharply. They were in the dense +shadow of the trees, so he could not see her face, but her voice +sounded strange to him. "You do not know what you are talking about," +she said; "hardly in my life have I asked myself if a thing is right +or wrong—do you understand me? Right and wrong are not things I think +about."</p> + +<p>"It is quite likely," he said, serenely; "different persons have +different names for the same things, as you have once said; one calls +it 'honourable' and 'dishonourable,' and another 'right' and 'wrong,' +and another 'wise' and 'unwise.' But it is always the same thing; it +means to choose the more difficult path that leads to the greater end, +and leave the other way to the lesser and smaller souls."</p> + +<p>Julia caught her breath with a little gasping choke. Joost turned and +looked at her, puzzled at last; but though they had now reached the +house, and the lamplight shone on her, he could make out nothing; she +brushed past him and went in quickly.</p> + +<p>The next day Joost started for Germany. It rained<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> more or less all +day, and Julia did not go out, except for half-an-hour during the +morning, when she was obliged to go marketing. She met Denah bound on +the same errand, and heard from her, what she knew already, that she +would not be able to come and superintend the crochet that day. And +being in a black and reckless mood, she had the effrontery to laugh a +silent, comprehending little laugh in the face of the Dutch girl's +elaborate explanations. Denah was a good deal annoyed, and, though her +self-esteem did not allow her to realise the full meaning of the +offence, she did not forget it.</p> + +<p>Julia went home with her purchases, and spent the rest of the day in +the usual small occupations. It was an interminably long day she +found. She contrived to hide her feelings, however, and behaved +beautifully, giving the suitable attention and suitable answers to all +Mevrouw's little remarks about the weather, and Joost's wet journey +(though, since he was in the train, Julia could not see that the wet +mattered to him), and about Mijnheer's cold, which was very bad +indeed.</p> + +<p>The day wore on. Julia missed Joost's presence at meals; they were not +in the habit of talking much to each other at such times, it is true, +but she always knew when she talked to his parents that he was +listening, and putting another and fuller interpretation on her words. +That was stimulating and pleasant too; it was a new form of +intercourse, and she did not pretend she did not enjoy it for itself, +as well as for the opportunity it gave her of probing his mind and +trying different ideas on him.</p> + +<p>At last dinner was over, and tea; the tea things were washed, and the +long-neglected fancy work brought out. A clock in the passage struck +the hour when, of late, after an exhilirating verbal skirmish with the +anxious Denah, she had set out for the village and Rawson-Clew.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span></p> + +<p>She did not pretend to herself that she did not enjoy that too, she +did immensely; there was a breath from the outside world in it; there +was sometimes the inspiring clash of wits, of steel on steel, always +the charm of educated intercourse and quick comprehension. To-night +there was nothing; no exercise to stir the blood, no solitude to +stimulate the imagination, no effort of talk or understanding to rouse +the mind. Nothing but to sit at work, giving one-eighth of attention +to talk with Mevrouw—more was not needed, and the rest to the blue +daffodils that lay securely locked up in a place only too well known.</p> + +<p>Evening darkened, grey and dripping, to-night, supper-getting time +came, and the hour for locking up the barns. Mijnheer, snuffling and +wheezing a good deal, put on a coat, a mackintosh, a comforter, a pair +of boots and a pair of galoshes; took an umbrella, the lantern, a +great bunch of keys, and went out. Julia watched him go, and said +nothing; she had been the rounds a good many times with Joost now; the +family had talked about it more than once, and about her bravery with +regard to rats and robbers. Neither of the old people would have been +surprised if she had volunteered to go in place of Mijnheer, even if +his cold had not offered a reason for such a thing. But she did not do +it; he went alone, and the blue daffodil bulbs lay snug in their +locked place.</p> + +<p>The next day it still rained, but a good deal harder. There was a +sudden drop in the temperature, too, such as one often finds in an +English summer. The Van Heigens did not have a fire on that account, +their stoves always kept a four months' sabbath; the advent of a +snow-storm in July would not have been allowed to break it. Mijnheer's +cold was decidedly worse; towards evening it grew very bad. He came in +early from the office, and sat and shivered in the sitting-room with +Julia and his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> wife, who was continuing the crochet unaided, and so +laying up much future work for Denah. At last it was considered dark +enough for the lamp to be lighted. Julia got up and lit it, and drew +the blind, shutting out the grey sheet of the canal and the slanting +rain.</p> + +<p>"Dear me," Mevrouw said once again, "how bad the rain must be for +Joost!"</p> + +<p>Julia agreed, but reminded her—also once again—that it was possibly +not raining in Germany.</p> + +<p>Mijnheer looked up from his paper to remark that the weather was very +bad for the crops.</p> + +<p>"It is bad for every one," his wife rejoined; "but worse of all for +you. You should be in bed. Indeed, it is not fit that you should be +up; the house is like a cellar this evening."</p> + +<p>Mijnheer did not suggest the remedy of a fire; he, too, shared the +belief that stoves should not be lighted before the appointed time; he +only protested at the idea of bed. "Pooh!" he said. "Make myself an +invalid with Joost away! Will you go and nurse my nose, and put +plasters on my chest? Go to bed now, do you say? No, no, my dear, I +will sit here; I am comfortable enough; I read my paper, I smoke my +cigar; by and by, I go out to see that my barns are all safe for the +night."</p> + +<p>But at this Mevrouw gave an exclamation; the idea of his going out in +such weather was terrible, she said, and she said it a good many +times.</p> + +<p>Julia bent over her work; she heard the swish of the rain on the +window, the uneven sob of the fitful wind; she heard the old people +talk, the husband persist, the wife protest. She did not look up; her +eyes were fixed on her needle, but she hardly saw it; more plainly she +saw the dark barns, the crowded shelves, the place where <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span>the blue +daffodils were. She could find them with perfect ease; could choose +one in the dark as easily as Mijnheer himself; she could substitute +for it another, one of the common sort of the same shape and size; no +one would be the wiser; even when it bloomed, with the simple yellow +flower that has beautified spring woods so long, no one would know it +was not a sport of nature, a throw back to the original parent. It was +the simplest thing in all the world; the safest. Not that that +recommended it; she would rather it had been difficult or dangerous, +it would have savoured more of a fair fight and less of trickery. +Besides, such safety was nothing; anything can be made safe with care +and forethought.</p> + +<p>She caught her own name in the talk now; husband and wife were +speaking lower, evidently arguing as to the propriety of asking her to +go the rounds; for a moment she pretended not to hear, then she raised +her head, contempt for her own weakness in her mind. It is not +opportunity that makes thieves of thinking folk, and she knew it; +rather it is the thief that makes opportunity, if he is up to his +work. Why should she be afraid to go to the barns? She would not take +the daffodil the more for going; if she meant to do it, and, through +cowardice, let this opportunity slip, she would soon find another. And +if she did not mean to, the proximity of the thing would not make her +take it.</p> + +<p>She put down her work. "I will lock up for you, Mijnheer; give me the +keys."</p> + +<p>He protested, and his wife protested, much more feebly, and thanked +her for going the while. They gave her many directions, and told her +she must put on this, that, and the other, and must be careful not to +get her feet wet, and really need not to be too particular in +examining all the doors. She answered them with impatient politeness, +as one does who is waiting for the advent of a greater<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> matter; she +was not irritated by the trivial interruptions which came between her +and the decision which was yet to be made; it was somehow so great to +her that it seemed as if it could wait. At last she was off, +Mijnheer's galoshes wallowing about her feet, his black-caped +mackintosh thrown round her shoulders. She had neither hat nor +umbrella. Mevrouw literally wailed when she started; but it made no +impression, she came of the nation most indifferent to getting wet, +and most-susceptible to death by consumption of any in Europe.</p> + +<p>She slopped along in the great galoshes, her back to the lighted house +now, her face to the dark barns. There they were, easily accessible, +waiting for her. Was she to take one, or was she not? She did not give +herself any excuse for taking it, or tell herself that one out of six +was not much; or that Joost, could he know the case, would not have +grudged her one of his precious bulbs. There was only one thing she +admitted—it was there, and her need for it was great. With it she +could pay a debt that was due, show her father an honourable man, and, +seeing that the affair could always remain secret, raise herself +nearer to Rawson-Clew's level. Without it she could not.</p> + +<p>She had come to the first barn now, and, unbarring the door, went in. +Almost oppressive came the dry smell of the bulbs to her; very +familiar, too, as familiar as the distorted shadows that her lantern +made. Together they brought vividly to her mind the first time she +went the rounds with Joost—the night when she told him she was bad, +the worst person he knew. Poor Joost, he had interpreted her words his +own way; she remembered very plainly what he said but two nights +ago—right and wrong, honourable and dishonourable, wise and unwise, +they meant the same thing to different people, the choosing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> of the +higher, the leaving of the lower—and he believed no less of her. That +belief, surely, was a thing that fought on the side of the angels? And +then there was that other man, able, well-bred, intellectual, her +superior, who had treated her as an equal, and so tacitly demanded +that she should conform to his code of honour. And there was Johnny +Gillat, poor, old round-faced Johnny, who, under his silly, shabby +exterior, had somewhere, quite understood, the same code, and standard +of a gentleman, and never doubted but that she had it too—surely +these two, also, were on the side of the angels?</p> + +<p>But it was not a matter of angels, neither was it a matter of this +man's thought, or that. At bottom, it seemed all questions could be +brought to plain terms—What do I think? I, alone in the big, black, +contradictory world. Julia realised it, and asked herself what it +mattered if he, if they, if all the world called it wrong? +What—pitiless, logical question—was wrong? Why should to take in one +case be so called, and in another not? By whose word, and by what law +was a thing thus, and why was she to submit to it?</p> + +<p>She faced the darkness, the lantern at her feet, her back against the +shelves, and asked herself the world-old question; and, like many +before her, found no answer, because logic, merciless solvent of faith +and hope and law, never answers its own riddles. Only, as she stood +there, there rose up before her mind's eye the face of Joost, with its +simple gravity, its earnest, trusting blue eyes. She saw it, and she +saw the humble dignity with which he had shown her his six bulbs. Not +as a proud possessor shows a treasure, rather as an adept shares some +secret of his faith or art; so had he placed them in her power, given +her a chance to so use this trust. She almost groaned aloud as she +recalled him, and recalled, sorely against her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> will, a horrible tale +she had once read, of a Brahmin who murdered a little child for her +worthless silver anklets. Joost was a veritable child to her, +powerless before her ability, trusting in her good faith, a child +indeed, even if he had not placed his secret in her grasp. And it was +he—this child—that she, with her superior strength, was going to +rob!</p> + +<p>She shivered. Why was he not Rawson-Clew? Why could not he take better +care of himself and his possessions? She could have done it with a +light heart then; there would have been a semblance of fight in it; +but now—now it could not be done. Logic, the pitiless solvent, has no +action on those old long-transmitted instincts; it may argue with, but +it cannot destroy, those vague yearnings of the natural man towards +righteousness. Julia did not argue, she only obeyed; she did not know +why.</p> + +<p>She picked up the lantern, and moved to go; as she did so, the barn +door, lightly fastened, blew open. A rush of rain and wind swept in, +the smell of the wet earth, and the sight of the tossing trees, and +massed clouds that fled across the sky. For a moment she stood and +looked, hearing the wild night voices, the sob of the wet wind, the +rustle and mutter of the trees—those primitive inarticulate things +that do not lie. And in her heart she felt very weary of shams and +pretences, very hungry for the rest of reality and truth. She turned +away, and made the round of the barns systematically, and without +haste; she did not hurry past the resting-place of the blue daffodils, +they were safe from her now and always.</p> + +<p>It was not till some weeks later that she saw, and not then without +also seeing it was quite impossible to disprove the proposition, that +there was something grimly absurd in the idea which had possessed her +that night—the thought of stealing to prove a lie, and acting +dis<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span>honourably to pay a debt of honour. At the time she did not think +at all, she acted on instinct only. Thank God for those dumb +instincts, making for righteousness, which, in spite of theologians, +are implanted somewhere in the heart of man.</p> + +<p>So she went the rounds, fastened the barns, and came out of the last +one, locking the door after her. Outside, she stood a second, the rain +falling upon her bare head, the wind blowing her cloak about her. And +she did not feel triumphant or victorious, nor reluctant and +contemptuous of her weakness; only somehow apart and alone, and very, +very tired.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + +<h3>POOFERCHJES AND JEALOUSY</h3> +<p>The Polkingtons were launching out; not ostentatiously with expensive +entertainments or anything striking, but in all small ways, scarcely +noticeable except in general effect, but none the less expensive. They +could not afford it; the past nine months had been very difficult, +first the Captain's unfortunate misuse of the cheque, then Violet's +engagement and the necessary entertainment that it involved, and then +her wedding. Financially they were in a very bad way, but that did not +prevent them spending—or owing—in a rather lordly fashion. Mrs. +Polkington with one daughter married, and another safely out of the +way, seemed determined to take the field well with the remaining one. +Chèrie was quite ready to second the effort, indeed, she was the +instigator; she was not only the prettiest of the sisters, but also +the most ease loving, and though ambitious, less clever than the +others, and a great deal more short-sighted. She had for some time +ceased to be content with the position at Marbridge and the society +there; she wanted to be recognised by the "county." This desire had +been growing of late, for there had been a very eligible and +attractive bachelor addition to that charmed circle, and he had more +than once looked admiration her way. She and her mother went to work +well and spared neither time nor trouble; not much result could be +expected during the summer months, little done<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span> then except get +ready—an expensive proceeding. It was when September brought people +home for the partridge shooting and October's pheasants kept them +there till hunting began, that they expected their success and the +return for their outlay, and they were quite content to wait for it.</p> + +<p>Their plans and doings were naturally not confided to any one, not +even Julia; she heard seldom from Marbridge; the family feelings were +of a somewhat utilitarian order, based largely on mutual benefit. She +wrote now and then; she happened to do so on the day after the one on +which she did not take the blue daffodil; and she mentioned in this +letter that it was possible she should be home again soon. Seeing that +she had decided the daffodil was unobtainable she saw little reason +for staying longer; this of course she did not mention when she wrote. +Somewhat to her surprise she got an almost immediate reply to her +letter.</p> + +<p>It would not suit Mrs. Polkington and Chèrie to have Julia back soon +at all; it is always easier to swim socially with one daughter than +two, especially if the second is not good-looking. Also, Julia, +cautious, long-headed and capable, was certain to criticise their +proceedings and do her best to interfere with them. She would be wrong +in her judgments, of course, and they right; they were sure of that, +but they did not want the trouble of attempting to convert her, and +anyhow, they felt they could do much better without her, and Mrs. +Polkington wrote and intimated as much politely. She gave several +excellent reasons, all of which were perfectly transparent to Julia, +though that did not matter, seeing that she was sufficiently hurt in +her feelings, or her pride, to at once determine to fulfil her +mother's wishes and do anything rather than go where she was not +wanted.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span></p> + +<p>There was not much said of the plans and doings in Mrs. Polkington's +letter, but a little crept in almost without the writer's knowledge, +enough to rouse Julia's suspicions. Why, she asked herself, was her +mother suddenly enamoured with the beauty of Chippendale furniture? +How did she know that Sturt's (the tailor's) prices were lower for +costumes this season? And in what way had she become aware what the +Ashton's last parlour-maid thought, if she had not engaged that young +woman for her own service? Julia was at once uneasy and disgusted; the +last alike with the proceedings themselves and the attempt to deceive +her about them. And another letter she received at the same time did +not make her any more satisfied; it was from Johnny Gillat, about as +silly and uninforming a letter as ever man wrote, but it contained one +piece of information. Mr. Gillat was going to have a great excitement +in the early autumn—Captain Polkington was coming to London, perhaps +for as long as three months. Johnny did not know why; he thought +perhaps to have some treatment for his rheumatism; Mrs. Polkington had +arranged it. Julia did know why, and the short-sightedness of the +policy roused her contempt. To thus put the family drawback out of the +way, and leave him to his own devices and Mr. Gillat's care, seemed to +her as unwise towards him as it was unkind to Johnny. She would have +written that minute to expostulate with her mother if she had not just +then been called away.</p> + +<p>These two disturbing letters arrived on the day that Joost came home +from Germany, after the English mail for the day had gone. Julia +comforted herself with this last fact when she was called before she +had time to write to her mother; she could write when she went to bed +that night; the letter would go just as soon as if it was written now; +so she went to answer Mevrouw's summons to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span> admire the carved crochet +hook her son had brought her as a present from Germany. Joost had +brought several small presents besides the crochet hook, a pipe for +his father, and two other trifles—a small vase and a photograph of a +plant which was the pride of the Berlin gardens that year—an aloe, no +yucca, but one of the true rare blooming sort, in full flower. Julia +was asked to take her choice of these two; she chose the photograph +because it seemed to her much more characteristic of the giver, and +also because it was easier to put away. She had no idea of pleasing +Joost by so doing; to tell the truth she hardly felt desirous of +pleasing him, for though she had refrained from taking his blue +daffodil and was in a way satisfied that she had done so, she did not +feel exactly grateful to him for unconsciously standing between her +and it, from which some may conclude that virtue was not an indigenous +plant with Julia.</p> + +<p>When Denah arrived after dinner she was given the vase. Before Joost +went away she had expressed in his hearing a wish that she had +something from Berlin; she had said it rather pronouncedly as one +might express a desire for a bear from the Rocky Mountains, or a ruby +from Burmah; she could hardly have received one of those with more +enthusiasm than she did the vase. She admired it from every point of +view and thanked Joost delightedly; the delight, however, was a little +modified when Mijnheer let slip the fact that Julia also had a present +from Berlin.</p> + +<p>"Have you?" she asked suspiciously. "What is it? Show me."</p> + +<p>Julia fetched the photograph and exhibited it with as little elation +as possible. Denah did not admire it greatly, she said she much +preferred her own present.</p> + +<p>At this Joost smiled a little; it was only what he ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span>pected, and +Julia began tactfully to talk about the beauties of the vase; but +Denah was not to be put off her main point.</p> + +<p>"Do you not prefer mine; really and truly, would you not rather it had +been yours?" she asked.</p> + +<p>Julia could have slipped out of the answer quite easily; the +Polkingtons were all good at saying things to be interpreted according +to taste; but Joost, with signal idiocy, stepped in and prevented.</p> + +<p>"No," he said, "she preferred the photograph; she chose it of the +two."</p> + +<p>At this intelligence Denah's face was a study; Julia could not but be +amused by it although she was sorry. She did not want to make the girl +jealous, it was absurd that she should be; but absurdity never +prevents such things, and would not now, nor would it make her +pleasanter if she were once fairly roused. Julia smoothed matters over +as well as she could, which was very well considering, though she +failed to entirely allay Denah's suspicions.</p> + +<p>As soon after as she could she set out for the village, leaving the +field to the Dutch girl, and carrying with her enough unpleasant +thoughts on other things to prevent her from giving any more +consideration to the silly spasm of jealousy. She had thrust her two +letters from England into her pocket, and as she went she kept turning +and turning their news in her mind though without much result. There +seemed very little she could do except prevent the banishing of her +father to London. She would write to her mother about that, and, what +might be rather more effective, to Mr. Gillat. She could tell him it +must not happen, and instruct him how to place obstacles in the way; +he would do his best to fulfil her requests, she was sure, even to +going down to Marbridge and establish<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span>ing himself there about the time +of her father's intended departure. But with regard to the rest of her +mother's plans, or Chèrie's, whichever it might be, there seemed +nothing to be done. To write would be useless; to go home, even if she +swallowed her pride and did so, very little better; of course she had +not anything very definite to go upon, only a hint here and there, yet +she guessed pretty well what they were doing, what spending, and what +they thought to get by it. The old, long-headed Julia feared for the +result; Mrs. Polkington, clever though she undoubtedly was, had never +succeeded in big ventures; she had not the sort of mind for it; she +had never made a wholly successful big stride; her real climbing had +been done very slowly, so the old Julia feared for her. And the new +one, who had grown up during the past months, revolted against the +whole thing, finding it sordid, despicable, dishonourable even, +somehow all wrong. And perhaps because the old cautious Julia could do +nothing to avert the consequences, the newer nature was in the +ascendant that evening, and consequences were in time forgotten, and +disgust and weariness and shame—which included self and all things +connected with it—took possession of the girl.</p> + +<p>By and by she heard a step behind her—Rawson-Clew. She had forgotten +his existence; she was almost sorry to be reminded of it; she felt so +ashamed of herself and her people, so conscious of the gulf between +them and him. So very conscious of this last that she suddenly felt +disinclined for the effort of struggling to hide or bridge it.</p> + +<p>He caught up with her. "How has the crochet progressed this week under +your care?" he asked her lightly.</p> + +<p>"It has not progressed," she answered; "there are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span> enough mistakes in +it now to occupy Denah for a long time."</p> + +<p>He took her basket from her, and she looked at him thoughtfully. He +was just the same as usual, quiet, drawling voice, eyeglass, +everything—she wondered if he were ever different; how he would act, +say, in her circumstances. If they could change bodies, now, and he be +Julia Polkington, with her relations, needs and opportunities, what +would he do? Would he still be impassive, deliberate, equal to all +occasions? Would he find it easy to keep his inviolable laws of +good-breeding and honour, and so forth?</p> + +<p>"There is something I should like to ask you," she said suddenly.</p> + +<p>"Yes?" he inquired.</p> + +<p>"Is it much trouble to you to be honest?"</p> + +<p>He was a little surprised, though not so much as he would have been +earlier in their acquaintance. "That," he said, "I expect rather +depends on what you mean by honest. I imagine you don't refer to lying +and stealing, and that sort of thing, since nobody finds it difficult +to avoid them."</p> + +<p>"They are not gentlemanly?" she suggested.</p> + +<p>"I don't know that I ever looked at it in that way," he said; "or, +indeed, any way. One does not think about those sort of things; one +does not do them, that's all."</p> + +<p>She nodded. The careless change of pronoun, which in a way included +her with himself, was not lost upon her.</p> + +<p>"In the matter of half-truths," she inquired; "how about them?"</p> + +<p>"I don't think I have given that subject consideration either," he +answered, rather amused; "there does not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span> seem any need at my age. One +does things, or one does not; abstractions don't appeal to most men +after thirty."</p> + +<p>Again Julia nodded. "It looks to me," she said, "as if you take your +morality, like your dinner, as a matter of course; it's always there; +you don't have to bother after it; you don't really know how it comes, +or what it is worth."</p> + +<p>Now and then Rawson-Clew had observed in his acquaintance with Julia, +she said things which had a way of lighting him up to himself; this +was one of the occasions. "Possibly you are right," he said, with +faint amusement. "How do you take yours? Let us consider yours; I am +sure it would be a great deal more interesting."</p> + +<p>"There would be more variety in it," she said significantly.</p> + +<p>"What is your opinion about half-truths?" he inquired, with grave +mimicry of her.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"'Half a truth, however small, <br /> +Is better than no truth at +all,'"</p></div> + +<p>she quoted. "That is so; it is better, safer to deal with—to explain +away if it is found out, to deceive with if it is not. But it is not +half so easy as the whole truth; that is the easiest thing in the +world; it takes no ingenuity, no brains, no courage, no acting, no +feeling the pulse of your people, no bolstering up or watching or +remembering. If I wanted to teach the beauty of truth, I would set my +pupils to do a little artistic white lying on their own account, to +make things look four times as good as they really were, and not to +forget to make them square together, that would teach them the +advantage of truth."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Do you think so?" Rawson-Clew said. "It is not the usual opinion; +fools and cowards are generally supposed to be the great dealers in +deceit and subterfuge."</p> + +<p>"May be," Julia allowed; "but I don't happen to have come across that +sort much; the other I have, and I am just about sick of it—I am sick +of pretending and shamming and double-dealing, of saying one thing and +implying another, and meaning another still—you don't know what it +feels like, you have never had to do it; you wouldn't, of course; very +likely you couldn't, even. I am weary of it; I am weary of the whole +thing."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew screwed the glass into his eye carefully but did not look +at her; he had an idea she would rather not. "What is it?" he asked +kindly. "What has gone wrong to-night? Too much pudding again?"</p> + +<p>"No," she answered, with a quick, if partial, recovery; "too much +humbug, too much self. I have seen a great deal of myself lately, and +it's hateful."</p> + +<p>"I cannot agree with you."</p> + +<p>"Do you like having a lot of yourself?"</p> + +<p>"No; I like yourself."</p> + +<p>She laughed a little; in her heart she was pleased, but she only said, +"I don't; I know what it really is."</p> + +<p>"And I do not?"</p> + +<p>"No," she answered; then, with a sudden determination to tell him the +worst, and to deal in this newly admired honesty, she said, "I will +tell you, though. You remember my father? You may have politely +forgotten him, or smoothed out your recollections of him—remember him +now; he is just about what you thought him."</p> + +<p>"Indeed?" the tone was that one of polite interest, which she had come +to know so well. "Your shoe is unfastened; may I tie it for you? The +question is," he went on, as he stooped to her shoe, "what did I think +of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span> your father? I'm sure I don't know, and I hardly think you are in +a position to, either."</p> + +<p>She moved impatiently, so that the shoelace slipped out of his hand, +and he had to begin all over again. It was a very shabby shoe; at +another time she might have minded about it, and even refused to have +it fastened on that account; to-night she did not care, which was +perhaps as well, for Rawson-Clew knew long ago all about the +shabbiness—the only thing he did not know before was the good shape +of the foot inside.</p> + +<p>"I know perfectly well what you thought my father," she said; "if you +have forgotten, I will remind you. You did not think him an +adventurer, I know; of course, you saw he had not brains enough."</p> + +<p>But here the shoe tying was finished, and Rawson-Clew intimated +politely that he was not anxious to be reminded of things he had +forgotten. "You began by saying you would tell me about yourself," he +said; "will you not go on?"</p> + +<p>"I have more brains than my father," she said, "and no more +principles."</p> + +<p>"<i>Ergo</i>—you succeed where he falls short; in fact, you are an +adventuress—is that it? My dear child, you neither are, nor ever +could be; believe me, I really do know, though, as you have indicated, +my morality is rather mechanical and my experience much as other +men's. You see, I, too, have graduated in the study of humanity in the +university of cosmopolis; I don't think my degree is as high as yours, +and I certainly did not take it so young, but I believe I know an +adventuress when I see one. You will never do in that walk of life; I +don't mean to insinuate that you haven't brains enough, or that you +would ever lose your head; it isn't that you would lose, it's your +heart."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I haven't;" Julia cried hotly. "I have not lost my heart; that has +nothing to do with it."</p> + +<p>"I did not say that you had," Rawson-Clew reminded her; "of course +not, you have not lost it, and could not easily. I did not mean that; +I only meant that it would interfere with your success as an +adventuress."</p> + +<p>"It would not," Julia persisted; "I don't care about people a bit; it +isn't that, it is simply that I am sick of deception, that is why I am +telling you the truth. And as for the other thing—the daffodil"—she +forgot that he did not know about it—"I couldn't take it from any one +so silly, so childish, so trusting."</p> + +<p>"Of course not," Rawson-Clew said. "I don't know what the daffodil +thing is, nor from whom you could not take it—please don't tell me; I +never take the slightest interest in other people's business, it bores +me. But, you see, you bear out what I say; you are of those strong who +are merciful; you would make no success as an adventuress. Besides, +your tastes are too simple; I have some recollections of your +mentioning corduroy—er—trousers and a diet of onions as the height +of your ambition."</p> + +<p>Julia laughed in spite of herself. "That is only when I retire," she +said. "I haven't retired yet; until I do I am—"</p> + +<p>"The incarnation of the seven deadly sins?" Rawson-Clew finished for +her, with a smile in his eyes. "No doubt of it; I expect that is what +makes you good company."</p> + +<p>So, after all, it came about that she did not get her confession made +in full. But, then, there hardly seemed need for it; it appeared that +Rawson-Clew already knew a great deal about her, and did not think the +worse of her for it. Rather it seemed he thought better than she had +even believed; he, himself, too, was rather different<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span>—there had +crept a note of warmth and personality into their acquaintance which +had not been there before. Julia had pleasant thoughts for company on +her homeward walk, in spite of the worry of the letters she carried +with her; she even for a moment had an idea of putting the matter they +contained before Rawson-Clew and asking his advice; that is, if the +friendship which had begun to dawn on their acquaintance that evening +grew yet further. It did grow, but she did not ask him, loyalty to her +family prevented; there were, however, plenty of other things to talk +about, and the friendship got on well until the end came.</p> + +<p>The end came about the time of the annual fair. This fair was a great +event in the little town; it only lasted three days, and only the +middle one of the three was important, or in the least provocative of +disorder; but—so Mijnheer said—it upset business very much. After +inquiry as to how this came about, Julia learnt that it was found +necessary to give the workmen a holiday on the principal day. They got +so drunk the night before, that most of them were unfit for work, and +a few even had the hardihood to stop away entirely, so as to devote +the whole day to getting drunk again. Under these circumstances, +Mijnheer made a virtue of necessity, and gave a whole holiday to the +entire staff.</p> + +<p>"Does the office have a holiday too?" Julia asked.</p> + +<p>Mijnheer nodded. "These young fellows," he said, "are all for +holidays; they are not like their fathers. Now it is always 'I must +ride on my wheel; I must row in my boat; I must play my piano; let us +put the work away as soon as we can, and forget it.' It was not so in +my young days; then we worked, or we slept; playing was for children. +There were some great men of business in those days."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span></p> + +<p>Julia was not in a position to contradict this; she only said, "It is +a real holiday, then, like a bank holiday in England?"</p> + +<p>"A real holiday, yes," he answered her; "a holiday for you too, if you +like. Would you like a real English bank holiday?" He called to his +wife: "See here," he said, "here is an English miss who would like an +English holiday; when the workmen have theirs she shall have hers too, +is it not so?"</p> + +<p>Mevrouw nodded, laughing. "But what will you do with it?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"I should go out," Julia answered; "if it is fine I should go out all +day."</p> + +<p>"To the fair?" Mijnheer asked. "You would not like that alone; it +would be very rough."</p> + +<p>"I should go out into the country," Julia said. "I should make an +excursion all by myself."</p> + +<p>They seemed a good deal amused by her taste, but the idea suggested in +fun was really determined upon; Julia, so Mijnheer promised, should +have a holiday when every one else did, and do just what she pleased.</p> + +<p>"You shall do as you like," he said; "even though it is not to go to +the fair and eat <i>pooferchjes</i>. It is only once in a year one can eat +<i>pooferchjes</i>, or three times rather; they are to be had on each of +the three days."</p> + +<p>"What are they?" Julia asked. "I have never heard of them."</p> + +<p>"Never heard of them," the old man exclaimed. "They do not have them, +I suppose, on an English bank holiday? Then certainly you must have +them here; we will go and eat them on the first day of the fair, when +everything is nice and clean, and there are not too many people about. +I will find a nice quiet place, and we will go and eat them together, +after tea, before there are great crowds.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span> Will you come with me? I +shall be taking my young lady to the fair like a gay dog."</p> + +<p>He chuckled at the idea, and Julia readily agreed. "I shall be +delighted," she said.</p> + +<p>When Denah came, a little later, it seemed she would be delighted too, +although she was not specially asked. But when she heard of the plan, +she announced that her father had promised to take Anna and herself, +and what could be better than that the parties should join? Mijnheer +quite approved of this, so did Julia; and she, on hearing Denah's +proposal, at once saw that Joost was included as he had not been +before. Joost did not like fairs; he objected to noise, and glare, and +crowds, and all such things; neither did he care for <i>pooferchjes</i>; +they were too bilious for him. Nevertheless he agreed to join the +party; Denah was quite sure it was entirely on her account.</p> + +<p>On the morning of the first day of the fair, Julia went into the town +to buy cakes to take with her on to-morrow's excursion. She had not +changed her mind about that; she was still fully determined to go and +spend a long day in the Dunes. She had not told the Van Heigens of the +place chosen; she and Mijnheer had much fun and mystery about it, he +declaring she was going to the wood to ride donkeys with the head +gardener's fat wife. There was another thing she also had not told the +Van Heigens—a slight alteration there had been in her plans; she was +not, as she had first intended, going alone. It had somehow come about +that Rawson-Clew was going with her; he had never seen the Dunes, and +he had nothing to do that day, and he was not going to Herr Van de +Greutz in the evening, it seemed rather a good idea that he should go +for a holiday too; Julia saw no objection to it, but also she saw that +it would not do to tell her <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span>Dutch employers. She had never mentioned +Rawson Clew to them—there had not seemed any need; she never met him +till she was clear of the town and the range of reporting tongues +there, and she usually parted from him before she reached the village +and the observers there, so nothing was known of the evening walks. +Which was rather a pity, for, as Julia afterwards found out, it is +often wisest to tell something of your doings, especially if you +cannot tell all, and they are likely to come in for public notice.</p> + +<p>Julia bought her cakes, and went about the town feeling as +holiday-like as the gayest peasant there, although she had no +wonderful holiday head-dress of starched lace and gold plates. She did +not see any one she knew, except old Marthe, Herr Van de Greutz's +housekeeper. She had met the old woman several times when she was +marketing, and was on speaking terms with her now, so she had to stop +and listen to her troubles. They were only the same old tale; her +newest young cook had left suddenly, and she had come to the town to +see if she could get another from among the girls who had come in for +the fair. She had no success at all, and was setting out for home, +despondent, and not at all comforted to think that she would have to +trudge in and try all over again the day after to-morrow. To-morrow, +itself, the great day, it was no good trying; no girl would pay +attention to business then.</p> + +<p>In the evening Julia went again into the town, but this time with +Mijnheer and Joost, and dressed in her best dress. It was not at all a +new dress, nor at all a grand one, but it was well chosen, well made +and well fitted, and certainly very well put on; the gloves and hat, +too, accorded with it, and she herself was in a humour of gaiety that +bordered on brilliancy. Was she not going to have a holiday to-morrow, +and was she not going to spend<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span> it in company with a man she liked, +and in despite of Dutch propriety, which would certainly have been +thoroughly and outrageously shocked thereby? Denah knew nothing of the +causes at work, but she was not slow to discern the result when she +and her father and sister met the Van Heigen party that evening. She +smoothed the bow at the neck of her best dress, and looked at her +gloves discontentedly; she did not altogether admire Julia's clothes, +they were not at all Dutch; but she had an intuitive idea that they +came nearer to Paris, the sartorial ideal of the nations, than her own +did. She looked suspiciously at the English girl, her eyes were +shining and sparkling like stars; they were full of alert interest and +half-suppressed mischief. She looked at everything, and overlooked +nothing, though she was talking to Mijnheer in a soft, purring voice, +that was full of fun and wickedness. Now she turned to Joost, and her +voice took another tone; she was teasing him, making fun of him in a +way that Denah decided was scandalous, although his father was there, +aiding and abetting her. Joost did not seem to resent it a bit; he +listened quite serenely, and even turned a look on her as one who has +another and private interpretation of the words. Anna saw nothing of +this; she only thought Julia very nice, and her dress pretty, and her +talk gay. But Denah, though not always so acute, was in love, and she +saw a good deal, and treasured it up for use when the occasion should +offer.</p> + +<p>They ate <i>pooferchjes</i>, sitting in a funny little covered stall; at +least, the top and three sides were covered, the fourth was open to +the street. A long, narrow table, with clean white calico spread on +it, ran down the centre of the place, and narrow forms stood on either +side of it. It was lighted by a Chinese lantern hung from the roof, +and also, and more especially, by a flare outside of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span> charcoal +fire, where the <i>pooferchjes</i> were cooked. A powerful brown-armed +peasant woman made them, beating the batter till it frothed, and +dropping it by the spoonful into the little hollows in the great sheet +of iron that glowed on the stove without. The glow of the fire was on +her too, on her short skirt and her fine arms, and the flaring light, +that flickered in the breeze, danced on her strong, brown face, with +its resolute lines, and splendid gold-ringed head-dress. People kept +passing to and fro all the time, or stopping sometimes to look in; +solemnly-gay holiday people, enjoying themselves after their own +fashion. The light flickered on them, too, and on the brick pavement, +and on the trees, plentiful almost as canals in the town. Julia leaned +forward and looked, and listened to the guttural Dutch voices, and the +curious patois to be heard now and then, and the distant notes of +music that blended with it. And the flickering lights and shadows +danced across her mind, and the simple holiday feeling of it all got +to her head.</p> + +<p>Then the <i>pooferchjes</i> were done and brought in, little round, crisp +things, smoking hot, and very greasy; something like tiny English +pancakes—at least one might say so if one had not tasted them. And +then more people came in and sat at the opposite side of the table, a +gardener of another bulb grower, and his two daughters. He raised his +hat to the Van Heigen party, and received a similar salutation in +return, though he and they were careful to put their hats on again, a +draught being a thing much feared. Mijnheer shook hands with the +father, and they entered into conversation about the weather; the +girls looked across at Denah and Anna, and more still at Julia, whose +small, slim hands they evidently admired.</p> + +<p>But at last the <i>pooferchjes</i> were all eaten and paid for. To do the +latter the notary, Mijnheer and Joost all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span> brought out large purses +and counted out small coins with care, and the party came out, making +way for new-comers. They did not go straight home again, as was first +intended, Julia's interest and gaiety seemed to have infected the +others—all except Denah, and they walked for a little while among the +booths of toys, and sweets, and peepshows, and entertainments. And as +they went, Denah grew more and more silent, watching Julia, who was +walking with Joost; the arrangement was not of the English girl's +seeking, but Denah took no account of that. The thing of which she did +take account was that they two talked as they walked together, he as +well as she, but both with the ease and quick comprehension of people +who have talked together often.</p> + +<p>Mijnheer stopped to look at the merry-go-round; he admired the +cheerful tune that it played. He was not a connoisseur of music; a +barrel-organ was as good to him as the organ in the Groote Kerk. The +others stopped too; Anna exclaimed on the life-like and clever +appearance of the bobbing horses, whereupon her father suggested that +perhaps the girls would like to try a ride on the machine, and then +befel the crowning mischief of the evening. Julia and Anna accepted +the proposal readily. Denah declined; she felt in no humour for it; +also she thought a refusal showed a superior mind—one likely to +appeal to a serious young man, who had no taste for the gaudy, gay, or +fast, and who also had a tendency towards seasickness. But, alas, for +the fickleness of man! While Denah stood with her father and Mijnheer, +Julia rode round the centre of lighted mirrors on a prancing wooden +horse, and Joost—the serious, the sometimes seasick—rode beside her +on a dappled grey, to the familiar old English tune, +"Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-a."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX</h2> + +<h3>THE HOLIDAY</h3> +<p>The Dunes lay some little distance from the town, a low, but +suddenly-rising hill boundary, that shut in the basin of flat land. +They were all of pure sand, though in many places so matted with +vegetation that it was hardly recognisable as such. Trees grew in +places, especially on the side that fronted towards the town; the way +up lay through a dense young wood of beech and larch, and a short, +broad-leafed variety of poplar. There was no undergrowth, but between +the dead leaves one could see that a dark green, short-piled moss had +managed to find a hold here and there, though so smooth was it that it +looked more like old enamel than a natural growth. The trees had the +appearance of high summer, deeply, intensely green, so that they +seemed almost blackish in mass. There was no breeze among them; even +the dapples of sunlight which found their way through the roof of +leaves hardly stirred, but lay in light patches, like scattered gold +upon the ground. Flies and gnats moved and shimmered, a busy life, +whose small voices were the only sound to be heard; all else was very +still, with the glorious reposeful stillness of full summer; not +oppressive, without weariness or exhaustion, rather as if the whole +creation paused at this zenith to look round on its works, and beheld +and saw that they were all very good.</p> + +<p>There were no clear paths, apparently few people went<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span> that way; +certainly there was no one about when Julia and Rawson-Clew came. It +is true they saw a kind of little beer-garden at the foot of the +slope, but there was no one idling about it.</p> + +<p>"We shall have to come back here for lunch," Julia said.</p> + +<p>And when he suggested that it was rather a pity to have to retrace +their steps, she answered, "It doesn't matter, we are not going +anywhere particular; we may just as well wander one way as another. +When we get to the top this time we will explore to the right, and +when we get there again after lunch, we will go to the left; don't you +think that is the best way? This is to be a holiday, you know."</p> + +<p>"Is a real holiday like a dog's wanderings?" Rawson-Clew inquired; +"bounded by no purpose except dinner when hungry?"</p> + +<p>Julia thought it must be something of the kind. "Though," she said, +"dogs always seem to have some end in view, or perhaps a dozen ends, +for though they tear off after an imaginary interest as if there was +nothing else in the world, they get tired of it, or else start +another, and forget all about the first."</p> + +<p>"That must also be part of the essence of a holiday," Rawson-Clew +said; "at least, one would judge it to be so; boys and dogs, the only +things in nature who really understand the art of holiday-making, +chase wild geese, and otherwise do nothing of any account, with an +inexhaustible energy, and a purposeful determination wonderful to +behold. Also, they forget that there is such a thing as to-morrow, so +that must be important too."</p> + +<p>"I can't do that," Julia said.</p> + +<p>"You might try when you get to the top," he suggested.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span> "I will try +then; I don't think I could do anything requiring an effort just now."</p> + +<p>Julia agreed that she could not either, and they went on up straight +before them. It is as easy to climb a sand-hill in one place as in +another, provided you stick your feet in the right way, and do not +mind getting a good deal of sand in your boots. So they went straight, +and at last got clear of the taller trees, and were struggling in +thickets of young poplars, and other sinewy things. The sand was +firmer, but honeycombed with rabbit holes, and tangled with brambles, +and the direction was still upwards, though the growth was so thick, +and the ground so bad, that it was often necessary to go a long way +round. But in time they were through this too, and really out on the +top. Here there was nothing but the Dunes, wide, curving land, that +stretched away and away, a tableland of little hollows and hills, like +some sea whose waves have been consolidated; near at hand its colours +were warm, if not vivid, but in the far distance it grew paler as the +vegetation became less and less, till, far away, almost beyond sight, +it failed to grey helm grass, and then altogether ceased, leaving the +sand bare. Behind lay the trees through which they had come, sloping +downwards in banks of cool shadows to the map-like land and the +distant town below; away on right and left were other groups of trees, +on sides of hills and in rounded hollows, looking small enough from +here, but in reality woods of some size. Here there was nothing; but, +above, a great blue sky, which seemed very close; and, underfoot, +low-growing Dune roses and wild thyme which filled the warm, still air +with its matchless scent; nothing but these, and space, and sunshine, +and silence.</p> + +<p>Julia stopped and looked round, drawing in her breath;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span> she had found +what she had come to see—what, perhaps, she had been vaguely wanting +to find for a long time.</p> + +<p>"Isn't it good?" she said at last. "Did you know there was so much +room—so much room anywhere?"</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew looked in the direction she did; he had seen so much of +the world, and she had seen so little of it—that is, of the part +which is solitary and beautiful. Yet he felt something of her +enthusiasm for this sunny, empty place—than which he had seen many +finer things every year of his life.</p> + +<p>Perhaps this thought occurred to her, for she turned to him rather +wistfully: "I expect it does not seem very much to you," she said; +"you have seen such a great deal."</p> + +<p>"I do not remember to have seen anything quite like this," he +answered; "and if I had, what then? One does not get tired of things."</p> + +<p>Julia looked at him thoughtfully. "I wonder," she said, "if one would? +If one would get weary of it, and want to go back to the other kind of +life?"</p> + +<p>She was not thinking of Dune country, rather of the simple life it +represented to her just then. Rawson-Clew caught the note of +seriousness in her tone and reminded her that thought for the past or +future was no part of a holiday. "Remember," he said, "you are to-day +to emulate dogs and boys."</p> + +<p>She laughed. "How am I to begin?" she asked. "How will you?"</p> + +<p>"I shall sit down," he said; "I feel I could be inconsequent much +better if I sat down to it; that is no doubt because I am past my +first youth."</p> + +<p>"No," she said, sitting down and putting her hat beside her; "it is +because your folly-muscles are stiff from want of use; you have played +lots of things, I expect—it is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span> part of your necessary equipment to +be able to do so, but I doubt if you have ever played the fool +systematically. I don't believe you have ever done, and certainly +never enjoyed anything inconsequent or foolish in your life."</p> + +<p>"If you were to ask me," he returned, "I should hardly say you +excelled in that direction either. How many inconsequent and foolish +things have you done in your life?"</p> + +<p>"Some, and I should like to do some more. If I were alone now, do you +know what I should do? You see that deep hollow of sparkling white +sand? I should take off my clothes and lie there in the sun."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew turned so that his back was that way. "Do not let me +prevent you," he said.</p> + +<p>Julia made use of the opportunity to empty the sand out of her boots.</p> + +<p>He looked round as she was finishing fastening them. "But why put them +on again?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Because I haven't retired from the world, yet," she answered, "and so +I can't do quite all I like."</p> + +<p>"When you do retire, will this ideal summer costume also be included +in the programme? Your taste in dress grows simpler; quite ancient +British, in fact."</p> + +<p>"The ancient Britons wore paint, and probably had fashions in it; I +don't think of imitating them. Tell me," she said, turning now to +gather the sweet-scented wild thyme, "did you ever really do anything +foolish in your life? I should like to know."</p> + +<p>He answered her that he had, but without convincing her. Afterwards, +he came to the conclusion that, whatever might have been the case +before, he that day qualified to take rank with any one in the matter.</p> + +<p>All the same, it was a very pleasant day, and they both enjoyed it +much; it is doubtful if any one in the town<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span> or its environs enjoyed +that holiday more than these two, who, from different reasons, had +probably never had so real a holiday before. They wandered over the +great open tract of land, meeting no one; once they came near enough +to the seaward edge to see the distant shimmer of water; once they +found themselves in the part where there has been some little attempt +at cultivation, and small patches of potatoes struggle for life, and a +little railway crosses the sandhills. Twice they came upon the road +along which, on working days, the peasant women bring their fish to +market in the town. But chiefly they kept to the small, dense woods, +where the sunlight only splashed the ground; or to the open solitary +spaces where the bees hummed in the wild thyme, and the butterflies +chased each other over the low rose bushes.</p> + +<p>A good deal after mid-day, at a time dictated entirely by choice, and +not custom, they made their way back to the beer garden. It was a very +little place, scarcely worthy of the name; the smallest possible +house, more like a barn than anything else, right in the shadow of the +wood. The fare to be obtained was bad beer, excellent coffee, new +bread, and old cheese; but it was enough, supplemented by the cakes +bought yesterday in the town; Julia knew enough of the ways of the +place to know one can bring one's own food to such places without +giving offence. As in the morning, when they first passed it, there +was no one about, every one had gone to the fair, except one taciturn +old woman who brought the required things and then shut herself in the +house. The meal was spread under the trees on a little green-painted +table, with legs buried deep in sand; there were two high, straight +chairs set up to the table, and a wooden footstool put by one for +Julia, who, seeing it, said this was certainly a picnic, and it was +really necessary to eat the <i>broodje</i> in the correct<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span> picnic way. +Rawson-Clew tried, with much gravity, but she laughed till the +taciturn old woman looked out of window, and wondered who they were, +and how they came to be here.</p> + +<p>When the meal was done, they went back again up the steep slope, and +then away on the left. The country on this side was less open, and +more hilly, deeper hollows and larger woods, still there was not much +difficulty in finding the way. The latter part of the day was not so +fine as the earlier, the sky clouded over, and, though there was still +no wind, the air grew more chilly. They hardly noticed the change, +being in a dense young wood where there was little light, but Julia +lost something of the holiday spirit, and Rawson-Clew became grave, +talking more seriously of serious things than had ever before happened +in their curious acquaintanceship. They sat down to rest in a green +hollow, and Julia began to arrange neatly the bunch of short-stemmed +thyme flowers that she carried. They had been quiet for some little +time, she thinking about their curious acquaintance, and wondering +when it would end. Of course it would end—she knew that; it was a +thing of mind only; there was very little feeling about it—a certain +mutual interest and a liking that had grown of late, kindness on his +part, gratitude on hers, nothing more. But of its sort it had grown to +be intimate; she had told him things of her thoughts, and of herself, +and her people too, that she had told to no one else; and he, which +was perhaps more remarkable, had sometimes returned the compliment. +And yet by and by—soon, perhaps—he would go away, and it would be as +if they had never met; it was like people on a steamer together, she +thought, for the space of the voyage they saw each other daily, saw +more intimately into each other than many blood relations did, and +then, when<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span> port was reached, they separated, the whole thing +finished. She wondered when this would finish, and just then +Rawson-Clew spoke, and unconsciously answered her thought.</p> + +<p>"I am going back to England soon," he said.</p> + +<p>She looked up. "Is your work here finished?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"It is at an end," he answered; "that is the same thing."</p> + +<p>Then she, her intuition enlightened by a like experience suddenly knew +that he, too, had failed. "You mean it cannot be done," she said.</p> + +<p>He opened his cigarette case, and selected a cigarette carefully. "May +I smoke?" he asked; "there are a good many gnats and mosquitoes about +here." He felt for a match, and, when he had struck it, asked +impersonally, "Do you believe things cannot be done?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," she answered; "I know that sometimes they cannot; I have proved +it to myself."</p> + +<p>"You have not, then, much opinion of the people who do not know when +they are beaten?"</p> + +<p>"I don't think I have," she answered; "you cannot help knowing when +you are beaten if you really are—that is, unless you are a fool. Of +course, if you are only beaten in one round, or one effort, that is +another thing; you can get up and try again. But if you are really and +truly beaten, by yourself, or circumstances, or something—well, +there's an end; there is nothing but to get up and go on."</p> + +<p>"Just so; in that case, as you say, there is not much going to be +done, except going home."</p> + +<p>Julia nodded. "But I can't even do that," she said. "I am beaten, but +I have got to stay here all the same, having nowhere exactly to go."</p> + +<p>This was the first time she had spoken even indirectly of her own +future movements. "But, perhaps," he sug<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span>gested, "if you stay, you may +find a back way to your object after all."</p> + +<p>She shook her head. "It is the back way I tried. No, there is no way; +it is blocked. I know, because it is myself that blocks it."</p> + +<p>"In that case," he said, "I'm afraid I must agree with you; there is +no way; oneself is about the most insurmountable block of all. I +might have known that you were hardly likely to make any mistake as to +whether you were really beaten or not."</p> + +<p>"I should not think it was a mistake you were likely to make either," +she observed.</p> + +<p>"You think not? Well, I had no chance this time; the fact has been +made pretty obvious to me."</p> + +<p>She did not say she was sorry; in her opinion it was an impertinence +to offer condolence to failure. "I suppose," she said, after a pause, +"there is not a back way—a door, or window, even, to your object?"</p> + +<p>"Unfortunately, no. There are no windows at the back; and as to the +door—like you, it was that which I tried, with the result that +recently—yesterday, in fact—I was metaphorically shown out."</p> + +<p>Julia had learnt enough by this time, though she had not been told for +certain, that her first suspicions were right; to be sure, it was the +explosive which took Rawson-Clew to the little village evening after +evening. She had gathered as much from various things which had been +said, though she did not know at all how he was trying to get it, nor +in what way he had introduced himself to Herr Van de Greutz. Whatever +method he had tried it was now clear he had failed; no doubt been +found out, for the chemist, unlike Joost Van Heigen, was the very +reverse of unsuspecting, and thoroughly on the look-out for other +nations who wanted to share his discovery. For<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span> a moment Julia wished +she had been in Rawson-Clew's place; of course she, too, might have +failed—probably would; she had no reason to think she would succeed +where he could not; but she certainly would not have failed in this +for the reason she had failed with the blue daffodil. The attempt +would have been so thoroughly well worth making; there would have been +some sport in it, and a foe worthy of her steel. In spite of her +desire for the simple life, she had too much real ability for this +sort of intrigue, and too much past practice in subterfuge, not to +experience lapses of inclination for it when she saw such work being +done, and perhaps not done well. Of this, however, she naturally did +not speak to Rawson-Clew; she rearranged her flowers in silence for a +little while, at last she said—</p> + +<p>"It is hateful to fail."</p> + +<p>"It is ignominious, certainly; one does not wish to blazon it from the +housetops; still, doubtless like your crochet work, it is good +discipline."</p> + +<p>"Maybe," Julia allowed, but without conviction. "Yours seems a simple +failure, mine is a compound one. If it is ignominious, as you say, to +fail, it would have been equally ignominious in another way if I had +succeeded. I could not have been satisfied either way."</p> + +<p>"That sounds very complicated," Rawson-Clew said; "but then, I imagine +you are a complicated young person."</p> + +<p>"And you are not."</p> + +<p>"Not young, certainly," he said, lighting another cigarette.</p> + +<p>"Nor complicated," she insisted; "you are built on straight lines; +there are given things you can do and can't do, would do and would not +do, and might do in an emer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span>gency. It is a fine kind of person to be, +but it is not the kind which surprises itself."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew blew a smoke-ring into the air; he was smiling a little.</p> + +<p>"How old are you?" he said. "Twenty? Almost twenty-one, is it? And +until you were sixteen you knocked about a bit? Sixteen is too young +to come much across the natural man—not the artful dodging man, or +the man of civilisation, but the natural, primitive man, own blood +relation to Adam and the king of the Cannibal Islands. You may meet +him by and by, and if you do he may surprise you; he is full of +surprises—he rather surprises himself, that is, if his local habitat +is ordinarily an educated, decent person."</p> + +<p>"You have not got a natural man," Julia said shortly; she was annoyed, +without quite knowing why, by his manner.</p> + +<p>"Have I not? Quite likely; certainly, he has never bothered me, but I +should not like to count on him. Since we have got to personalities, +may I say that you have got a natural woman, and plenty of her; also a +marked taste for the works of the machine, in preference to the face +usually presented to the company?"</p> + +<p>"The works are the only interesting part; I don't care for the +drawing-room side of things; they are cultivated, but they are too +much on the skin. I would much rather be a stoker, or an engineer, +than sit on deck all day and talk about Florentine art, and the Handel +Festival, and Egyptology, and the gospel of Tolstoy, and play cricket +and quoits, and dance a little, and sing a little, and flirt a little, +ever so nicely. Oh, there are lots of girls who can do all those +things, and do them equally well; I know a few who can, well off, +well-bred girls—you must know a great many. They are clever to begin +with, and they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span> are taught that way; it is a perfect treat to meet +them and watch them, but I never want to imitate them, even if I +could—and there is no danger of that. I would rather be in the +engine-room, with my coat off, a bit greasy and very profane, and +doing something. There would be more flesh and blood there, even if it +were a bit grubby; I believe I'm more at home with people who can +do—well, what's necessary, even if it is not exactly nice."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew knew exactly the kind of woman she had described for the +deck—he met them often; charming creatures, far as the poles asunder +from the girl who spoke of them; he liked them—in moderation, and in +their place, much as his forebears of fifty years ago had liked +theirs, the delicate, sensitive creatures of that era. He had never +regarded Julia in that light; he found her certainly more entertaining +as a companion, though also very far short of the standard as a woman +and an ornament.</p> + +<p>"The people in the engine-room," he observed, "would certainly be more +useful in an emergency; still, life is not made up entirely of +emergencies."</p> + +<p>"No," Julia answered; "and in between times such people are better not +on show—I know that; that is why I do not care for the drawing-room +side of things, I don't know enough to shine in them."</p> + +<p>"Do you think it is a matter of knowledge?" he asked, "or inclination? +If it comes to knowledge I should say you had a rather remarkable +stock of an unusual sort, and at first hand. That may not be what is +required for a complete drawing-room success, though I am not sure +that it is not more interesting—say for an excursion—than a flitting +glance at the subjects you mention, and about eighteen or twenty more +that you did not."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span></p> + +<p>Julia looked up, half pleased, doubtful as to whether or not to +interpret this as a compliment; she never knew quite how much he meant +of what he said; his manner was exactly the same, whether he was in +fun or in earnest. But if she thought of asking him now she was +prevented, for at that moment Mr. Gillat's watch slipped out of her +belt into her lap, and she saw the time.</p> + +<p>"How late is it!" she exclaimed. "We ought to have started +half-an-hour ago; it will take me two hours, and more, to get home +from here, even if I go by the tram in the town."</p> + +<p>She rose as she spoke, and he rose more slowly.</p> + +<p>"Shall I take your flowers for you?" he asked. "They seem rather +inclined to tumble about; don't you think they would be safer in my +pocket? As you say you are going to dry them, it won't matter crushing +them."</p> + +<p>She gave them to him, and he put the sweet-smelling bunch into his +pocket, then they started for the edge of the wood.</p> + +<p>"It is much colder," Julia said; "and the sun is all gone; I suppose +the clouds have been coming gradually, but I did not notice before. If +it is going to rain, we shall get decidedly wet before we get back."</p> + +<p>"I am afraid so," he agreed; "you have no coat."</p> + +<p>She told him that did not matter, she did not mind getting wet, and +she spoke with a cheerful buoyancy that carried conviction.</p> + +<p>When they reached the outskirts of the wood, however, they saw there +was not much chance of rain, but a much worse evil threatened. All the +distance on the seaward side was blotted out, a fine white mist shut +out the curving land in that direction. It was blowing up towards +them, rolling down the little hills in billowy puffs, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span> lying +filmy, yet dense, in the hollows, moved by a wind unfelt here.</p> + +<p>"A sea fog," Julia said; "I wonder how far it is coming."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew wondered too; he thought, as she did, that there was every +chance of its coming far and fast, but it did not seem necessary to +either of them to say anything so unpleasantly and obviously probable.</p> + +<p>They set out homewards as fast as they could; it was a long way to the +place where they had climbed up, unfortunately all across open +country, entirely without roads or definite paths, and the drifting +sea fog was coming up fast, bound, it would seem, the same way. Soon +it was upon them; they felt its advance in the chill that, like cold +fingers, laid hold on everything; it came quite silently up from +behind, without noticeable wind, eerily creeping up and enfolding +everything, putting a white winding-sheet not about the earth only, +but the very air also. The cotton blouse that Julia wore became limp +and wet as if it had been dipped in water; she could see the fog +condensing in beads on her companion's coat almost like hoar frost; it +lay on every low-growing rose bush and bramble that they stepped upon, +a curious transformer of all near objects, a complete obliterator of +all more distant ones.</p> + +<p>They pushed on as quickly as might be, climbing little hills, +descending into hollows; stumbling among rabbit holes, threading their +way through thickets; apparently finding something amusing in the +patriarchal colonies of rabbit burrows that tripped them up, and +stopping to argue, though hardly in earnest, as to whether they had +passed that way or not, when some white-barked tree, or other +landmark, loomed suddenly out of the thickening mist. Once it seemed +the fog was going to lift; Julia thought she saw the outline of a +distant hill, but either<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span> it was closed in again directly, or else she +mistook a thicker fold of cloud for a more solid object, for it was +lost almost before she pointed it out.</p> + +<p>For something over two hours they walked and stumbled, and went up +small ascents and came down small declines; then suddenly they came +upon the white-barked tree again. It was the same one that they had +seen more than an hour and a half ago; Rawson-Clew recognised it by a +peculiar warty growth where the branches forked; they had now +approached it from the other side, but clearly it was the same one, +and they had come round in a circle.</p> + +<p>He stopped and pointed it out to her. "I am afraid," he said, "we had +better do what is recommended when the clouds come down on the +mountains."</p> + +<p>"And that is?" Julia asked.</p> + +<p>"Sit down and wait till they shift."</p> + +<p>She could not but see the advisability of this, also she was very +tired, the going for these two hours had not been easy, and it had +come at the end of a long day. She would not admit, even to herself, +that she was tired, but she was, so she agreed to the waiting; after +all, it was impossible to pretend longer that they were going to get +home easily, and were not really hopelessly astray.</p> + +<p>"We will go a little way in among the trees," Rawson-Clew said; "it is +more sheltered, and we shall be able to find the way quite as easily +from one place as another when the fog lifts."</p> + +<p>They found as sheltered a spot as they could, and sat down under a big +tree; as they did so his hand came in contact with Julia's wet sleeve +and cold arm. "How cold you are!" he said. "You have nothing on."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, I have," she assured him. "I did not avail myself of your +permission this morning."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span></p> + +<p>He took off his coat and put it round her.</p> + +<p>But she threw it off again. "That won't do at all," she said; "now you +have nothing on, and that is much more improper; women may sit in +their shirt sleeves, men may not."</p> + +<p>"Don't be absurd!" he said authoritatively; "you are to keep that on," +and he wrapped it about her with a decision that brought home to her +her youth and smallness.</p> + +<p>"You are shutting all the damp in," she protested, shifting her point +of attack, "and that is very unwholesome. I shan't get warm; I haven't +any warmth to start with; you are wasting what you have got to no +purpose."</p> + +<p>But he did not waste it, for eventually it was arranged that they sat +close together under the tree, with the coat put as far as it would go +over both of them. Rawson-Clew was not given to thinking how things +looked, he did what he thought necessary, or advisable, without taking +any thought of that kind; so it did not occur to him how this +arrangement might look to an unprejudiced observer, had there been any +such. But Julia, with her faculty for seeing herself as others saw +her, was much, though silently, amused as she thought of the Van +Heigens. Poor, kind folks, they were doubtless already wondering what +could have become of her; if they could only have seen her sitting +thus, with an unknown man, what would their Dutch propriety have said?</p> + +<p>"Do you suppose this fog will be in the town?" Rawson-Clew said, after +a time.</p> + +<p>"No," she answered, "I should think not; from what I have heard, I +think it is very unlikely."</p> + +<p>"Then the Van Heigens won't know what has become of you?"</p> + +<p>"Not a bit in the world; they don't even know where<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span> I was going +to-day. I did not tell them; I am afraid they will be rather uneasy +about me, but perhaps not so very much, they know by this time I can +take care of myself; besides, I shall be home before bed-time, if the +fog lifts."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew agreed, and they talked of other things. Julia held the +opinion that when an evil has to be endured, not cured, there is no +good in discussing it over and over again; she had a considerable gift +for making the best of other things besides opportunities.</p> + +<p>But the fog did not lift soon; it did not grow denser, but it did not +grow less; it just lay soft and chilly, casting a white pall of +silence on all things, closing day before its time, and making it +impossible to say when evening ended and night began. Gradually the +two who waited for its lifting fell into silence, and Julia, tired +out, at last dropped asleep, her head tilted back against the +tree-trunk, her shoulder pressed close against Rawson-Clew under the +shelter of his coat.</p> + +<p>He did not move, he was afraid of waking her; he sat watching, waiting +in the eerie white stillness, until at last the space before him +altered, and gradually between the trees he saw the faint outline of a +hill, dark against the dark sky. Slowly the white mist rolled from it, +a billowy, ghostly thing, that left a black, vague world, only dimly +seen. He looked at the sleeping girl, then at the hill; the fog was +clearing, there was no doubt about that; soon it would be quite gone, +but it would be a very dark night, the stars would hardly show, and +the moon was now long down. He was not at all sure of being able to +find his way across this undulating country, so entirely devoid of +prominent features, in a very dark night. Rather he was nearly sure +that he could not do it; and though he had a by no means low opinion +of Julia's abilities, he did not think that she could either. Also, +with a sense<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span> of dramatic fitness equal to that of the girl's he +thought their arrival in the town would be rather ill-timed if they +started now. It would be wiser to wait till after it was light, though +dawn was not so very early now, the summer being far advanced. So he +decided, and Julia slept peacefully on, her head dropping lower and +lower, till finally it reached his shoulder. But he did not move; he +left it resting there, and waited, thinking of nothing perhaps, or +anything; or perhaps of that unknown quantity, the natural man, which +has a way of stirring sometimes even in the most civilised, at night +time. So he sat and watched for the dawn.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X</h2> + +<h3>TO-MORROW</h3> +<p>It was a bright sunny morning, and, though the third and last day of +the fair, people went to their business as usual. The Dutch are early +risers, and set about their day's work in good time; but even had they +been the reverse, the latest of them would have been about before +Julia and Rawson-Clew reached the outskirts of the town. They had +stopped for breakfast at the first village they came to after leaving +the Dunes, this on the principle of being hung for a sheep rather than +a lamb. It did not seem to matter being a little later considering the +necessarily unreasonable hour of their return; also Julia, with the +instinct of her family for detail; preferred to set herself to rights +so as to present the best appearance possible when she arrived at the +Van Heigens'. It was not natural, of course, that a person should +appear too neat and orderly after a night of adventure, lost on the +Dunes; but the reverse was not becoming. Julia hit the medium between +the two with a nicety which might have cost one not a Polkington some +thought, but to one of them was merely the natural thing.</p> + +<p>Together Julia and Rawson-Clew walked to the outskirts of the town. +Their ways parted there—his to the left, hers to the right; it was +the port of which she had thought yesterday, the place of final +separation. He had proposed to go with her to the Van Heigens, so as +to bear<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span> testimony to what had befallen, and to assure them that she +was quite safe; but she would not have this, she felt she could manage +very much better without him, his presence would only require a good +deal of extra explanation, none too easy to give. He guessed the +reason of her refusal and saw the wisdom of it, although he felt +annoyed that she had, as he now perceived she must, concealed their +earlier acquaintance. It might have been advisable, seeing Dutch +notions of propriety; but it placed the matter in a rather invidious +light, and also began to bring home to him the fact, which grew very +much more evident before the day was over, that he had distinguished +himself by an act of really remarkable folly.</p> + +<p>They had almost reached the town, in fact had passed some small +houses, the dwelling-places of carriage proprietors and washerwomen, +when a girl stepped out of a doorway some distance ahead of them. She +glanced in their direction, then stared.</p> + +<p>"There's Denah," Julia said; she did not speak with consternation +though Denah was about the last person she wanted to see just then. +Consternation is a waste of time and energy when you are found out, a +bold face and immediate actions are usually best. Julia waved her hand +in cheerful greeting to the Dutch girl.</p> + +<p>But Denah did not return the greeting; instead, after her stare of +astonished recognition, she turned and set off up the road towards +where it joined a more important street with trams, which ran into the +town.</p> + +<p>"Hulloah?" Julia said softly, and quick as thought she turned too, and +the hand that had waved to Denah was signaling to a carriage which at +that moment drove out of a stable-yard near. A light had come into her +eyes, a dancing light like the gleam on a sword-blade. There was a +little wee smile about her lips, too, which somehow<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span> brought to +Rawson-Clew's mind a man he once knew who had sung softly to himself +all the time he prepared for the brigands who were known to be about +to rush his camp.</p> + +<p>"She'll take a tram," Julia said gaily, looking towards the speeding +figure; "she is too careful to waste her money even to spite any one +of whom she is jealous."</p> + +<p>The cab drew up, and Julia, not failing to see Denah fulfil her words +at the junction of the street, got in. Rawson-Clew followed her. She +would have prevented him.</p> + +<p>"Don't come," she said; "I don't want you. Good-bye."</p> + +<p>But he insisted. "I certainly am coming," he said, and ordered the man +to drive on into the town, telling Julia to give the address.</p> + +<p>She did so, weighing in her mind the while the chances of +Rawson-Clew's knowledge of Dutch being equal to following all that was +said when three people spoke at once, all of them in a great state of +excitement. She thought it was possible he would not master every +detail, but at the same time she did not wish him to try; it would be +insupportable to have him dragged into this, and in return for his +kindness to her have a dozen vulgar and ridiculous things said and +insinuated.</p> + +<p>"Look here," she said, "there is not any need for you to come, I can +do better without you, I can indeed. I have got to explain things, of +course, but, as I told you before, I have had some practice at dodging +and explaining. I shall reach the Van Heigens' before Denah, so I +shall get the first hearing, that's all I want, I can explain +beautifully."</p> + +<p>"You cannot explain me away," Rawson-Clew answered. "I know I was not +to have figured in the original account, that is obvious, but it is +equally obvious that I must figure in this one. I prefer to give it +myself."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, but that won't do at all!" Julia said. "Please leave it to me, it +would be nothing to me, I am used to tight places, and it would be an +insufferable annoyance to you. I really don't want you to suffer for +your kindness to me—you have no idea what absurd and ridiculous +things they will say."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew had been polishing his eyeglass, he put it back in his eye +before he spoke. "My dear child," he said; "in spite of the sheltered +life with which you credit me, I assure you I have a very clear idea +of the kind of things they will say."</p> + +<p>"Then for goodness sake, leave it to me," Julia said, losing her +temper; "I can do it a great deal better than you can; I'm not honest, +and you are, and that's a handicap."</p> + +<p>"In these cases," Rawson-Clew answered imperturbably, "honesty +requires the consideration of the lady first and truth afterwards—a +long way after. Let me know what you want told and I will tell +it—with evidence—I suppose you are equal to evidence?"</p> + +<p>Julia laughed, but without much mirth. "I do wish you would not come," +she said.</p> + +<p>But he did, and they drove together through the town, past the bulb +gardens, to the wooden house with the dark-tiled roof. There +Rawson-Clew paid the coachman and dismissed the carriage while Julia +rang the bell.</p> + +<p>In time the servant came to the door. "Ach!" she cried at the sight of +Julia, and, "G-r-r-r!" and other exclamations, uttered very gutturally +and with upraised hands. She was a country girl from some remote +district, and she spoke a very unintelligible patois; at least +Rawson-Clew found it so, his companion, apparently, was used to it.</p> + +<p>Julia listened to the exclamations, and apparently to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span> congratulations +on her safe return, said in a friendly manner that she had a terrible +adventure, and then asked where Mevrouw was.</p> + +<p>Mevrouw was out, and Mijnheer was out too; a torrent more information +followed, but Julia did not pay much attention to it, she turned to +Rawson-Clew with the smile on her lips with which she laughed at +herself.</p> + +<p>"Denah saved her money and won her move," she said; "it serves me +right. I under-rated her—this is what always comes of under-rating +the enemy."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean she knew where these people are?" Rawson-Clew asked.</p> + +<p>"That is about it, she knew and I did not."</p> + +<p>"What are you going to do?"</p> + +<p>"Wait till they come back, there is nothing else."</p> + +<p>He moved as if he thought to follow her into the house, but she did +not approve of that. "You cannot wait with me," she said; "it is one +thing to bring me home, quite another to wait with me here."</p> + +<p>He, however, thought differently, but he did not argue the point. +"Thank you," he said, "I prefer to wait; I consider I am conducting +this now, not you."</p> + +<p>He was a little annoyed by her ridiculous persistence, but she looked +at him with the dancing lights coming back in her eyes. "Oh, well, if +you prefer to wait," she said, "but I'm afraid you must do it alone." +And before he realised what she was doing, she had run off, down the +path, across an empty flower-bed and among some brushes behind.</p> + +<p>In considerable anger he turned to follow her, but he pulled himself +up; there was very little use in that and no need for it either; he +was sure she was far too skilful a tactician to imperil an affair by +unwise flight; this was a blind merely—unless, of course, she thought +of setting<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span> out to find these Dutch people, wherever they might be. He +asked the staring servant where her master and mistress were; it took +time for him to make out her answers, but at last he did. Mijnheer was +at a place (or house) with a name he had never before heard, and would +have been puzzled to say now from this one hearing. It was a distant +bulb farm, and Mijnheer had gone there on business; the fact that +Julia had not returned home naturally did not keep the good man from +his work. These details Rawson-Clew did not know; the name only was +given to him, and that conveyed nothing. Joost, he was told, was +somewhere in the bulb gardens, where, seemed unknown; Mevrouw was at +the house of the notary. Who the notary was, and where he lived, and +why she had gone there were alike as obscure to this inquirer as was +Julia's probable destination. He felt that she might have set out to +find any one of these three people, or she might be lying in wait, +like a foolish child, till he had gone. He went down the drive; +outside the gate he saw some idlers who had been there when he drove +in a little while back; he asked them if any one answering to the +girl's description had come out. They told him "ja," and they also +told him which direction she had taken; it was the way that led to the +market, not the residential part of the town.</p> + +<p>He was no better off for this information; there seemed nothing to be +done. It would have been little short of absurd, if, indeed, it had +not been seriously compromising to Julia, for him to present himself +at the house of the notary—when he could find it—and tell Vrouw Van +Heigen he had brought Julia home and she was afraid to appear with +him. Either he and she must act together and appear together, or else +he must, as she desired and now made necessary, keep out of it +alto<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span>gether. Considerably annoyed with the girl, but at the same time +uneasy about her, he went to his hotel.</p> + +<p>As the morning wore on, the annoyance lessened and the uneasiness +grew. After all he was not sure that Julia had thrown away much by +refusing to have the support of his company; had they two been there +waiting for the Van Heigens' return, or had they set out together to +find them, he was not sure his presence would have been any help in +the face of the jealous Dutch girl's accusations. A jealous woman, +even an ordinarily foolish one, is a very dangerous thing when she is +attacking a fancied rival with a chance of encompassing her overthrow. +Denah would have got her tale told, her case proven, indignation +aroused and sympathy with her before the Van Heigens even saw Julia. +He wondered what she would do alone and wished he knew how she fared; +he thought over the explanations possible and the various ways out +that might suggest themselves to a fertile brain. They were not many, +and they were not good; the simple truth would probably be best, and +that would be so exceedingly compromising under the circumstances that +the Van Heigens were hardly likely to find it palatable. Indeed, he +began to see that, even if they two could have presented themselves, +as they had first intended, to the anxious family before Denah +arrived, it was very doubtful if the matter could have been +satisfactorily cleared up to a suspicious and prudish Dutch mind. The +girl was only a companion, a person of no importance, easy to replace; +and, no matter how the fact might be explained, it still remained that +she had been out all night with an unknown man; one, who, if he were +known, would show to be of a position to make the proceeding more +compromising still.</p> + +<p>At this point Rawson-Clew got up and walked to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span> window. It was +then that it struck him that he had, in these his mature years, +committed an act of stupendous folly, the like of which his youth had +never known.</p> + +<p>But the girl, what would become of the girl? In England, in +ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, she would have been dismissed; in +Holland that one last hope did not exist. She would be dismissed with +her character considerably damaged and her chance of getting another +situation entirely gone. What would she do? She had told him yesterday +she could not leave, but was obliged to stay on at the Van Heigens'; +although she had failed in the first object of her coming, and so had +no motive for remaining, she had nowhere else to go. Perhaps she had +quarrelled with her relatives; perhaps they could not afford to keep +her—they were poor enough he knew. She had once said her eldest +sister had lately married the nephew of a bishop; he remembered that, +and he also remembered that, after his unfortunate visit to Captain +Polkington, he had heard they were people with some good connections. +But that did not mean that they could afford to help this girl, or +would be delighted to receive her home under the present conditions. +Rather it indicated that their position was too precarious for them to +be able to do it. They would be bitterly hard on her—these aspiring +people of gentle birth and doubtful shifts, clinging to society by the +skin of their teeth, were the hardest of all. The girl could not go +back to them; she could not get anything to do in Holland, or +elsewhere—in Heaven's name what could she do?</p> + +<p>He asked himself the question with his hands in his pockets and his +eyes on the street. But the answer did not seem forthcoming.</p> + +<p>There was no good blinking the matter; the fact was obvious; the girl +was hopelessly and utterly compromised;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span> and he, aided certainly by +untoward circumstances—for the sardonic interference of which, in +such circumstances, a man of sense usually allows—he had done it. +They had had their "holiday," without taking thought for the morrow, +in the way approved by boys and dogs and creatures without experience. +And here was to-morrow, knocking at the door and demanding the +price—as experience showed that it usually did. The question was, who +was going to pay, he or she? She had taken it upon herself as a matter +of course; it seemed natural to her that the burden should be the +woman's, but it did not seem so to him; among his people it was the +man who was expected, and who himself expected, to pay. When he had +grasped the situation fully and saw how she must inevitably stand he +also saw at the same time and equally plainly, that he must marry her; +nothing else was possible.</p> + +<p>He walked away from the window and began to search for writing +materials. He could not go and see her, it was out of the question +under the circumstances; he would have to write, and, on the whole, +perhaps, it was easier that way. He sat down to the table, but he did +not at once begin, for between him and the paper there rose up the +vision of a stately old Norfolk house. It was his; he had not lived +there for years, but he supposed he would some day; all his people +had; he remembered his grandfather there and his grandmother—a tall, +stately woman, a woman of parts. He thought of her, and his mother, a +graceful, gracious woman—he thought of her standing in the +drawing-room between the long windows, receiving company. And then he +thought of Julia.</p> + +<p>He turned away from the vision abruptly, and dated his letter. But +soon he had lain down his pen again. He was conservative, and Julia +was not of the breed of the women he had recalled; she had no kinship +with them or<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span> their modern prototypes, one of whom he vaguely supposed +he should marry some day—when he went to live in the old Norfolk +house. Hers was not a stately or a gracious or an all pervading +feminine presence; she demanded no court, no care, no carpet for her +way; she could come and go unnoticed and unattended; you could +overlook her—though she never overlooked you or anything else. She +had her points certainly, she was loyal to the core—she would be +loyal to him, he was sure, in this scrape, with a silly wrong-headed +loyalty, more like a man's to a woman than a woman's to a man. She was +loyal to her none too reputable family—that family was a bitter thing +to his pride of race. She was courageous, too, cheerfully enduring, +laughing in the face of disaster, patient when action was impossible +and when it was possible—he found himself smiling when he recalled +her—surely there was never one more gay, more ready, more steady, +more quietly alert than she when there was a struggle with men or +matters in the wind. She had brains of a sort, there was no doubt of +that; it was possible to imagine one would not grow tired of her +undiluted company as one would of the other sort of woman. Only of +course a man did not have the undiluted company of his wife—perhaps +if he were a small shop-keeper or an itinerant organ-grinder—if night +and day they lived together and worked together and looked out on the +world together—if it was the simple life of which she dreamed—</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew picked up his pen and began to write; it was not a case of +whether he would or would not, liked or disliked; he had simply to +make a girl he had compromised the only restitution in his power.</p> + +<p>In the meantime Julia had set out for the market-place <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span>as the idlers +had said. But her business there did not take long and she was home +again, as she intended, before Mevrouw got back from the Snieders. But +she had not been in much more than five minutes before the old lady, +supported by Vrouw Snieder and Denah, arrived. Mijnheer came home not +long after, and, hearing news of the return of the truant, went to the +house to join the others.</p> + +<p>Julia waited to receive the attack in the dim sitting-room. She knew +as well as Rawson-Clew, or better, that she had not a ghost of a +chance of clearing herself; dismissal was inevitable; that was why she +went to the market-place. She had not largely assisted her family in +living by their wits without having those faculties in exceeding good +working order; she had already seen and seized the only thing open to +her when the end should come. But the fact that she knew how it would +end did not prevent her from giving battle; the knowledge only made +her change her tactics, and, as there was no use in defending her +position (and companion) she was able to concentrate her forces in +harassing the enemy.</p> + +<p>In these circumstances it is not wonderful that Denah did not derive +the satisfaction she expected from the affair. Julia, unrepentant and +reckless because of her known fate, unhampered by Rawson-Clew's +presence, and flatly declining to give any particulars about him, +would have been an awkward antagonist for one cleverer than the Dutch +girl. Poor Denah lost her temper, and lost her head, and lost control +of her tongue and her tears. Julia did not lose anything, but again +and again winged shafts that went unerringly home. She was genuinely +sorry to have upset and disappointed Mevrouw, but for Denah she did +not care in the least, and the old lady soon contrived to soften some +of the regret, for she was far too angry and shocked at the +impropriety to have any<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span> gentler feelings of sorrow or to believe what +she was told. Vrouw Snieder acted principally as chorus of horror; she +was shocked and angry too, on Mevrouw's account and on her own and her +daughter's; she seemed to think they had all been outraged together.</p> + +<p>When Mijnheer came in they were all talking at once and Denah was +weeping copiously. Julia's part in the conversation was small; she +just shot a word in here and there, but apparently never without +effect, for her utterances, like drops of water on hot metal, were +always followed by fresh bursts of excitement. The good man tried in +vain to make out what was the matter and what had happened. At last, +after his fifth effort elsewhere, he turned to Julia, and she told him +briefly. She told the truth, only suppressing Rawson-Clew's name and +all details concerning him, saying merely that he was a man she had +met before she left England. The two elder sisters gradually became +silent to listen; Denah listened too, only sniffing occasionally.</p> + +<p>"You pretended you did not know him the day we went the excursion," +she said vindictively; "I saw you; I knew you were not to be trusted +then. Why did you pretend, and how do you know him? He is a man of +family; he has the air of it, very distinguished, and you are nothing +at all, nobody—"</p> + +<p>"Hush!" said Mijnheer; "that is not the point; it is of no importance +who the man may be, he is a man, that is enough; and she was out with +him—alone—a whole day and night; it is certainly very bad indeed; +shocking, if it is true—is it true?"</p> + +<p>He looked at Julia, and she answered, "Yes."</p> + +<p>She was sorry, very sorry, but more on his account than her own; she +could see how heinous he thought it, how she had fallen in his esteem, +and she was sorry for it. But<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span> at the same time she knew her conduct +really had been no more than indiscreet; and she did not repent; she +regretted nothing but being found out, and that not so much as she +ought now that the joy of battle was upon her. As for the women, they +suspected far worse than Mijnheer believed; but even if they had not, +if they had believed no more than the truth, that would have been +enough for condemnation; her offence—the real one—was past +forgiveness; she must go. She received the sentence meekly; she knew +she deserved no less from these kind if narrow-minded people. Denah +smiled triumphantly; Julia felt she deserved that too; moreover, +Denah's nose was so pink and her face so swelled with tears, that the +smile was more amusing than exasperating.</p> + +<p>"I am sorry," she said; "I am sorry you should all have to think so +ill of me, and that I should deserve it. You have been very kind to me +while I have been here, and made my service easy; I am ashamed to have +deceived you and behaved in such a way as you must condemn."</p> + +<p>Unfortunately Vrouw Snieder snorted here; she did not believe in these +protestations and she said so, inducing Vrouw Van Heigen to do the +same. Mijnheer looked doubtfully at Julia for a moment, then he came +to the conclusion that if she was not too abandoned a person to be +really repentant, it would be as well to take advantage of her +professed state of mind and drive home some moral lessons. Accordingly +he and the two elder ladies drove them home, with the result that +Julia's regret dwindled to nothing.</p> + +<p>"Mijnheer," she said at last, quietly yet effectually breaking in upon +his words; "Mijnheer, you are a very good man, Mevrouw is a virtuous +woman, and Vrouw Snieder also, all of you. I have often admired your +goodness; when you were least conscious of it it preached<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span> to me, +making me ashamed of my wickedness. But now that you, in your +goodness, have taken to preaching to me yourselves, I am no longer +ashamed, for it is clear that your goodness dares to do a thing that +no man's wickedness would; it turns the foolish and indiscreet into +sinners and sinners into devils; it makes the way of wrong-doing very +easy. You are so good," she went on, putting aside an interruption; +"perhaps you do not know wickedness when you see it; you cannot +distinguish between sin and sin; you are like those who would hang a +man for stealing bread as soon as for killing a child. What! Are you +indignant, Mevrouw, at such a charge? Are you not turning out, with no +character and no chance—a good enough imitation of hanging—a girl +who has been no more than foolish, just the same as if she had +committed the greatest sin?"</p> + +<p>Vrouw Heigen broke in angrily, and Vrouw Snieder and Denah, +inexpressibly shocked; Mijnheer was also shocked, but he, and they +too, were vaguely uneasy under the reproach. Julia was satisfied; more +especially as her experience of them led her to expect they would, +though never persuaded they had made a mistake, yet feel more uneasy +by and by.</p> + +<p>She rose from her chair. "Yes," she said, "it is a shame to speak of +such things, as you observe; do not let us speak of them any more. +Perhaps Mijnheer you would like to pay me, then I can go."</p> + +<p>Mijnheer agreed rather hastily; then, realising the suddenness of the +step, he paused with his purse in his hand. "But can you go now?" he +asked. "Nothing is arranged; you had better wait a day or two."</p> + +<p>"No," Julia answered, "I think not; it would be well to get the thing +over and done with; you would rather and so would I."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span></p> + +<p>No one contradicting this, Mijnheer counted the money and gave it to +Julia.</p> + +<p>"Thank you," she said; "now I will set the table for coffee drinking. +You will stay, of course, Mevrouw," she went on, turning to Vrouw +Snieder—"and Miss Denah, that will be two extra—Mijnheer Joost will +be in, Denah; you can tell him about it."</p> + +<p>Denah flushed indignantly, and Vrouw Snieder could only say +"You—You—"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I will not sit down with you, of course," Julia answered sweetly; +"I will take my coffee in the little room; is it not so, Mevrouw?"</p> + +<p>Vrouw Van Heigen nodded; she did not know what else to do, and Julia +went away, leaving them as awkward and at a loss for words as if they +were the delinquents, not she. Denah felt this and resented it; the +elders felt it too, and for a moment or two looked at one another ill +at ease. However, in a little they recovered and began to talk over +Julia and her wrong doings till they felt quite comfortable again. +Denah did not join very much in the discussion; after she had once +again, by request, repeated what she had seen and what deduced +therefrom, she was left rather to herself. She went to the window and +sat there looking out for Joost; he was certain to come in soon, and +she found consolation in the thought. Joost, the model of modesty and +decorous serious propriety, would know the English girl in her true +colours now, and be justly disgusted and shocked to think that he had +ever ridden beside her on a merry-go-round.</p> + +<p>Just then Julia passed carrying a tray of cups. "Denah," she said, +pitching her voice soft and low in the tone the Dutch girl hated most, +"I will give you a piece of advice; take care how you tell Joost about +my wickedness; you want to be ever so clever to abuse another girl to +a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span> man; it is one of the most difficult things in the world—and you +are not very clever, you know, not even clever enough to take my +advice."</p> + +<p>Denah was not clever enough to take the advice nor in any humour to do +so; she stared angrily at Julia, who unconcernedly put the cups on the +table and vanished into the kitchen.</p> + +<p>Joost came in for coffee drinking, and the whole party with one accord +told him the tale; Julia heard them through the closed door as she sat +sipping her coffee in the little room. She did not hear him say +anything at all except just at first, "I won't believe it!" in a tone +which roused again, and with added strength, the regret she had felt +before for repaying belief and kindness by such disillusioning. +Afterwards he seemed to say nothing more; presumably they had +convinced him with overwhelming evidence. She wondered how he looked; +she could picture his serious blue eyes uncomfortable well; poor +Joost, who had such high opinions of her, who thought she, seeing the +low, chose the high path always in the greatness of her knowledge and +strength; who had called her a lantern, sometimes dimmed, but always a +beacon! The lantern was obscured just now, very badly obscured. She +rose and went up to her room; she would clear the table after Joost +had gone back to work.</p> + +<p>She did so, coming down when he and Mijnheer were safely in the +office. When she had done she went to Mevrouw, who had betaken herself +to her room worn out by the morning's excitement.</p> + +<p>"Would you prefer that I went at once?" she inquired, "or that I +waited till after dinner? I will stay till six if you wish it, or I +will go now without waiting to attend to the dinner."</p> + +<p>Vrouw Van Heigen preferred the waiting; it would be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span> so very much +better for the dinner, and really it hardly seemed as if propriety +could suffer much; accordingly she said with what dignity she could +that the girl had better stay till the evening.</p> + +<p>Julia went down-stairs again and set to work preparing the dinner, and +it was perhaps only natural that she took pains to make that dinner a +memorably good one. It was while she was busy in the kitchen that a +note was brought to her.</p> + +<p>"Put it on the table," she said to the servant girl; her hands just +then were too floury to take it, but she looked at it as it lay on the +table beside her. She did not recognise the writing, though she saw at +once that it was not that of a Dutchman. "Who brought it?" she asked, +beginning to clean her hands.</p> + +<p>The servant could not say, but from her description Julia gathered +that it must have been a special messenger of some sort. On hearing +this, she did not trouble to clean her hands any more, but opened the +letter at once, making floury finger-prints upon it.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Miss Polkington</span>, (it ran),</p> + +<p>"There is one subject I did not mention to you yesterday; +you might perhaps have thought it too serious for holiday +consideration; nevertheless, it is a question that I feel I +must ask before I leave Holland. Will you do me the honour +of becoming my wife? I know there is rather a difference in +years between us, but if you can overlook the discrepancy, +and consent, you will give me the utmost satisfaction. I +honestly believe it will make for the happiness of us both; +I have a feeling that we were meant to continue our +'excursion' together.</p></div> + +<p class="sig1">"Very sincerely yours,</p> + +<p class="sig">"<span class="smcap">H. F. Rawson-Clew.</span>"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span></p> + +<p>So Julia read, and sat down suddenly on the flour barrel. She turned +to the beginning of the letter and read it through again, and when she +looked up her eyes were shining with admiration. "I am glad!" she said +aloud, but in English, "I am glad he has done it! It's splendid, +splendid! I never thought of it—but then I don't believe I knew what +a real gentleman was before!"</p> + +<p>The maidservant started at her curiously; she could not understand a +word, but she saw that the letter gave pleasure, for which she was +glad; she liked Julia, and was very sorry she was going in disgrace; +she herself had occasional lapses from rectitude and so consequently +had a fellow feeling.</p> + +<p>"You have a good letter?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Very good," Julia said; "but we must get on with the cooking; I will +answer it by and by."</p> + +<p>Julia put it in her pocket after another glance, purring to herself in +English, "It is so well done, too," she said; "never a word of to-day, +only of yesterday—yesterday!" and she laughed softly.</p> + +<p>There is no doubt about it, if Julia had got to receive a death +sentence she would have liked it to be well given; it is quite +possible, had she lived at the time, she would have been one of those +who objected to the indignity of riding in the tumbrils quite as much +as to the guillotine at the end of the ride.</p> + +<p>She finished the preparations for dinner, got her pots and pans all +nicely simmering and her oven at the right heat; then, giving some +necessary directions, she left the servant to watch the cooking and +went up to her own room. There she at once proceeded to answer the +letter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span>—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Mr. Rawson-Clew</span>, (she wrote),</p> + +<p>"I am as glad as anything that you have done it; I never for +a moment thought of it myself, though I ought, for it is +just like you; thank you ever so much.</p> + +<p>"Please don't bother about me, I am all right and have +arranged capitally."</p> + +<p>Here she turned over his letter to see how he had signed +himself and, seeing, signed in imitation—</p></div> + +<p class="sig1">"Yours very sincerely,</p> + +<p class="sig">"<span class="smcap">Julia Polkington.</span>"</p> + +<p>"I wonder what his name is?" she speculated; "H. F.—H.—Henry, +Horace—I shouldn't think he had a name people called him by."</p> + +<p>She read her own letter through, and as she was folding it stopped; it +occurred to her that he might think courtesy demanded a formal refusal +of his proposal. It was, of course, quite unnecessary; the refusal +went without saying; she would no more have dreamed of accepting his +quixotic offer than he would have dreamed of avoiding the necessity of +making it; the one was as much a <i>sine quâ non</i> to her as the other +was to him. From which it would appear that in some ways at least +their notions of honour were not so many miles apart.</p> + +<p>She flattened her letter again; perhaps he would think the definite +word more polite, so she added a postscript—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Of course this means no. I am sorry we can't go on with the +excursion, but we can't, you know. The holiday is over; this +is 'to-morrow,' so good-bye."</p></div> + +<p>After that she fastened the envelope, and a while later went out to +post it. As she went up the drive she caught sight of Joost some +distance away in the gardens; his face was not towards her, and she +congratulated herself that he had not seen her. However, the +congratulations were<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span> premature; when she came back from the post she +found him standing just inside the gate waiting for her, obviously +waiting. At least it was obvious to her; she had caught people herself +before now, and so recognised that she was caught too plainly to +uselessly attempt getting away.</p> + +<p>"Do you want to hear what happened yesterday?" she asked, with an +effrontery she did not feel. "I expect Denah has told you all, perhaps +a little more than all, still, enough of it was true."</p> + +<p>"I want to speak to you," he said, and parted the high bushes that +bordered the left of the drive.</p> + +<p>Julia reluctantly enough, but feeling that she owed him what +explanation was possible, went through. Behind the bushes there was a +small enclosed space used for growing choice bulbs; it was empty now, +the sandy soil quite bare and dry; but it was very retired, being +surrounded by an eight foot hedge with only one opening besides the +way by which they had come in through the looser-growing bushes. Julia +made her way down to the opening; with her practical eye for such +things, she recognised that it would be the best way of escape, just +as the loose-growing bushes offered the likeliest point of attack. +This, of course, did not matter to her, she being in the case of "he +who is down," but it might matter a good deal to Joost if his father +looked through the bushes, and he would never know how to take care of +himself.</p> + +<p>"Well?" she said, when she had taken up this discreet position. But as +he did not seem ready she went on, "I really don't think there is +anything to say; I did wrong yesterday, not quite as much wrong as +your mother and Denah think, still wrong—what my own people would +have disapproved, at least if it were found out; that's the biggest +crime on their list—and what I knew your peo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span>ple would condemn +utterly. I am afraid I have no excuse to offer; I knew what I was +doing, and I did it with my eyes open. I did not see any harm in it +myself but I knew other people would, so I meant to say nothing. I had +deceived your parents before, and I meant to keep on doing it. You +know I had walked with that man lots of times before yesterday; all +the time your mother thought me so good to visit your cousin I really +enjoyed doing it because I walked with him."</p> + +<p>"Do you love him?" The question was asked low and almost jerkily.</p> + +<p>"Love him?" Julia said in surprise; "no, of course not. That is where +the difference comes in, I believe; you all seem to think there is +nothing but love and love-making and kissing and cuddling. I have just +liked talking to him and I suppose he liked talking to me, as you +might some friend, or Denah some girl she knew. We never thought about +love and all that; we couldn't, you know; he belongs to a different +lot from what I do. Do you understand?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I understand," he answered, and there was a vibrant note in his +voice which was new to her. "I understand that it is you who are right +and we who are wrong—you who know good and evil and can choose, we +who suspect and think and hint, believing ill when there is none. +Rather than send you away, we should ask your forgiveness!"</p> + +<p>"You should do nothing of the kind," Julia said decidedly, beginning +to take alarm. "I may not have been wrong in quite the way your +parents think, but I was wrong all the same. I am not good, believe +me; I am not as you are. Look at me, I am bad inwardly, and really I +am what you would condemn and despise."</p> + +<p>She was standing in the afternoon sunlight, dark, slim,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span> alert, +intensely alive, full of a twisty varied knowledge, a creature of +another world. She felt that he must know and recognise the gulf +between if only he would look fairly at her.</p> + +<p>He did look fairly, but he recognised only what was in his own mind.</p> + +<p>"You are to me a beacon—" he began.</p> + +<p>But she, realising at last that Denah's jealousy was not after all +without foundations, cut him short.</p> + +<p>"I am not a beacon," she said, "before you take me for a guiding light +you had better hear something about me. Do you know why I came here? I +will tell you—it was to get your blue daffodil!"</p> + +<p>He stared at her speechless, and she found it bad to see the surprise +and almost uncomprehending pain which came into his face, as into the +face of a child unjustly smitten. But she went on resolutely: "I heard +of it in England, that it was worth a lot of money—and I wanted +money—so I came here; I meant to get a bulb and sell it."</p> + +<p>"You meant to?" he said slowly; "but you haven't—you couldn't?"</p> + +<p>"I could, six times over if I liked."</p> + +<p>"But you have not."</p> + +<p>"No. I was a fool, and you were—Oh, I can't explain; you would never +understand, and it does not matter. The thing that matters is that I +came here to get your blue daffodil."</p> + +<p>"You must have needed money very greatly," he said in a puzzled, +pitying voice.</p> + +<p>"I did, I wanted it desperately, but that does not matter either—I +came here to steal; I go away because I am found out to have deceived +and to have behaved improperly—I want you to understand that."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I do not understand," he answered; "I understand nothing but that you +are you, and—and I love you."</p> + +<p>"You don't!" she cried in sharp protest. "You do not, and you cannot! +You think you love what you think I am. But I am not that; it is all +quite different; when you, know, when you realise, you will see it."</p> + +<p>"I realise now," he answered; "it is still the light, only sometimes +dim."</p> + +<p>"Dim!" she repeated, "it has gone out!"</p> + +<p>"And if it has, what then? If you are all you say you are, and all +they say you are, and many worse things besides, what then? It makes +no difference."</p> + +<p>He spoke with the curious quietness with which he always spoke of what +he was quite sure. But she drew back against the hedge, clasping her +hands together, her calmness all gone. "Oh, what have I done! What +have I done!" she said, overcome with pity and remorse.</p> + +<p>He drew a step nearer, misinterpreting the emotion. "I will take care +of you," he said. "Will you not let me take care of you?"</p> + +<p>She looked up, and though her eyes were full of tears he might have +read his answer there, in her recovered calmness, in the very +gentleness of her manner. "You cannot," she said sadly; "you couldn't +possibly do it. Don't you see that it is impossible? Your parents, the +people—"</p> + +<p>"That is of no importance," he answered; "my parents would very soon +see you in your true light, and for the rest—what does it matter? If +you will marry me I—"</p> + +<p>"But Joost, I can't! Don't you feel yourself that I can't? We are not +only of two nations—that is nothing—but we are almost of two races; +we are night and day, oil and water, black and white. It would never +do; we should be on the outskirts of each other's lives, you would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span> +never know mine, and though I might know yours, I could never really +enter in."</p> + +<p>"That is nothing," he said, "if you love."</p> + +<p>"It is everything," she answered, "if two people do not talk the same +language, soul language, I mean."</p> + +<p>"They will learn it if they love—but you do not? Is it that, tell me. +Ah, yes, you do, a little, little bit! Only a little, so that you +hardly know it, but it is enough—if you have the least to give that +would do; I would do all the rest; I would love you; I would stand +between you and the whole world; in time it would come, in time you +would care!"</p> + +<p>He had come close to her now; in his eagerness he pressed against her, +and, earnestness overcoming diffidence, he almost ventured to take her +hand in his. She felt herself inwardly shrink from him with the +repulsion that young wild animals feel at times for mere contact. But +outwardly she did not betray it; pity for him kept nature under +control.</p> + +<p>"I cannot," she said very gently; "I can never care."</p> + +<p>Then he knew that he had his answer, and there was no appeal; he drew +back a pace, and because he never said one word of regret, or +reproach, or pleading, her heart smote her.</p> + +<p>"I am so sorry!" she said; "I am so sorry. Oh, why is everything so +hard! Joost, dear Joost, you must not mind; I am not half good enough +for you; I'm not, indeed. Please forget me and—let me go."</p> + +<p>And with that she turned and fled into the house.</p> + +<p>The maidservant in the kitchen was minding the pots; it still wanted +some while to dinner time; she did not expect the English miss would +come yet, probably not till it was necessary to dish up. The letter, +of course, would have occupied her some time; she had gone out<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span> +probably to meet the writer—the maid never for a moment doubted him +to be the sharer of yesterday's escapade. She heard Julia come in, and +judged the meeting to have been a pleasant one, as it had taken time. +She had gone up-stairs now, doubtless to pack her things; that would +occupy her till almost dinner time.</p> + +<p>It did, for she did not begin directly, but sat on her bed instead, +doing nothing for a time. But when she did begin, she went to work +methodically, folding garments with care and packing them neatly; her +heart ached for Joost and for the tangle things were in, but that did +not prevent her attending to details when she once set to work. At +last she had everything done, even her hat and coat ready to put on +when dinner should be over. Then, after a final glance round to see +that she had left nothing but the charred fragments of Rawson-Clew's +letter, she went down-stairs and got the dinner ready.</p> + +<p>She did not take her meal with the family, but again had it in the +little room. She brought the dishes to and fro from the kitchen, +however, so she passed close to Joost once or twice and saw his grave +face and serious blue eyes, as she had seen them every day since her +first coming. And when she looked at him, and saw him, his appearance, +his small mannerisms, himself in fact, a voice inside her cried down +the aching pity, saying, "I could not do it, I could not do it!" But +when she was alone in the little room with the door shut between, the +pity grew strong again till it almost welled up in tears. Poor Joost! +Poor humble, earnest, unselfish Joost! That he should care so, that he +should have set his hopes on her, his star—a will-o'-wisp of devious +ways! That he should ache for this unworthy cause, and for it shut his +eyes to the homely happiness which might have been his!</p> + +<p>She rose quickly and went up-stairs to get her hat and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span> jacket. Soon +after, the carriage, which she had extravagantly ordered, came, and +she called the servant to help her down with her luggage. They got it +down the narrow staircase between them and into the hall; Julia +glanced back at the white marble kitchen for the last time, and at the +dim little sitting-room. Vrouw Van Heigen was there, very much +absorbed in crochet; but she had left the door ajar so that she might +know when Julia went, and that must have occupied a prominent place in +her mind, for she made a mistake at every other stitch.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye, Mevrouw," Julia said.</p> + +<p>Vrouw Van Heigen grunted; she remembered what was due to herself and +propriety.</p> + +<p>"And, oh," Julia looked back to say as she remembered it, "don't +forget that last lot of peach-brandy we made, it was not properly tied +down; you ought to look at the covers some time this week."</p> + +<p>"Ah, yes," said the old lady, forgetting propriety, "thank you, thank +you, I'll see to it; it will never do to have that go; such fine +peaches too."</p> + +<p>Then Julia went out and got into the carriage. Mijnheer was in his +office; he did not think it quite right to come to see her start +either; all the same he came to the door to tell the driver to be +careful not to go on the grass. Joost came also and looked over his +father's shoulder, and Julia, who had been amused at Vrouw Van Heigen, +suddenly forgot this little amusement again.</p> + +<p>Joost left his father. "I will tell the man," he said. "I will go +after him too and shut the gate; it grows late for it to be open."</p> + +<p>The carriage had already started, and he had to hurry after it; even +then he did not catch it up till it was past the bend of the drive. +Then the man saw him and pulled up, though it is doubtful if he got +any order or, indeed, any<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span> word. Julia had been looking back, but from +the other side; and because she had been looking back and remembering +much happiness and simplicity here, she was so grieved for one at +least who dwelt here that her eyes were full of tears.</p> + +<p>Joost saw them when, on the stopping of the carriage, she turned. "Do +not weep," he said; "you must not weep for me."</p> + +<p>"I am so sorry," she said; "so dreadfully sorry!"</p> + +<p>"But you must not be," he told her; "there is no need."</p> + +<p>"There is every need; you have been so kind to me, so good; you have +almost taught me—though you don't know it—some goodness too, and in +return I have brought you nothing but sadness."</p> + +<p>"Ah, yes, sadness," he said; "but gladness too, and the gladness is +more than the sadness. Would you not sooner know the fine even though +you cannot attain to it, than be content with the little all your +life? I would, and it is that which you have given me. It is I who +give nothing—"</p> + +<p>He hesitated as if for a moment at a loss, and she had no words to +fill in the pause.</p> + +<p>"Will you take this?" he said, half thrusting something forward. "It +is, perhaps, not much to some, but I would like you to have it; it +seems fitting; I think I owe it to you, and you to it."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, yes," she murmured, hardly hearing and not grasping the last +words; there was something choking in her throat; it was this strange, +humble, disinterested love, so new to her, which brought it there and +prevented her from understanding.</p> + +<p>She stretched out her hands, and he put something into them; then he +stepped back, and the carriage drove on. It was not till the gateway +was passed that she realised<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span> what it was she held—a small bag made +of the greyish-brown paper used on a bulb farm; inside, a single bulb; +and outside, written, according to the invariable custom of growers—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Narcissus Triandrus Azureum Vrouw Van Heigen."</p></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI</h2> + +<h3>A REPRIEVE</h3> +<p>Rawson-Clew was reading a letter. It was breakfast time; the letter +had missed the afternoon post yesterday, which was what the writer +would have wished, and so was not delivered at the hotel till the +morning. It was short, from the beginning—"I am so glad you have done +it," to the end of the postscript—"this is to-morrow, so good-bye." +There was not much to read; yet he looked at it for some time. Did +ever man receive such a refusal to an offer of marriage? It was almost +absurd, and perhaps hardly flattering, yet somehow characteristic of +the writer; Rawson-Clew recognised that now, though it had surprised +him none the less. What was to be done next? See the girl, he +supposed, and hear what she proposed to do; she wrote that she had +arranged "capitally," but she did not say what. He was quite certain +she was not going to remain with the Van Heigens; if by some +extraordinary accident she had been able to bring that about, she +would certainly have told him so triumphantly. He could not think of +anything "capital" she could have arranged; he was persuaded, either +that she only said it to reassure him, or else, if she believed it, it +was in her ignorance of the extent of the damage done yesterday. He +must go and see her, hear what she had planned, and what further +trouble she was thinking to get herself into, and prevent it in the +only way possible; and there was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span> only one way, there was absolutely +no other solution of the difficulty; she must marry him, and there was +an end of it. He glanced at her refusal again, and liked it in spite +of its absurdity; after all, perhaps it would have been better if he +had been frank too; one could afford to dispense with the delicate +conventions that he associated with women in dealing with this girl. +He wished he had gone to her and spoken freely, as man to man, saying +plainly that since they had together been indiscreet, they must +together take the consequence, and make the best of it—and really the +best might be very good.</p> + +<p>Soon after he had finished breakfast he set out for the Van Heigens' +house. But as yet, though he had some comprehension of Julia, he had +not fully realised the promptness of action which necessity had taught +her. When he reached the Van Heigens' she had been gone some sixteen +hours.</p> + +<p>It was Vrouw Van Heigen who told him; she was in the veranda when he +arrived, and so, perforce, saw him and answered his inquiries. It was +evident, at the outset, that neither his appearance nor name conveyed +anything to her; she had not seen him the day of the excursion, and +Denah's description, purposely complicated by a cross description of +Julia's, had conveyed nothing, and his name had never transpired. He +saw he was unknown, and recognised Julia's loyal screening of him, not +with any satisfaction; evidently it was part of her creed to stand +between a man (father or otherwise) and the consequence of his acts. +That was an additional reason for finding her and explaining that he, +unlike Captain Polkington, was not used to anything of the sort.</p> + +<p>"She has gone?" he said, in answer to Vrouw Van Heigen's brief +information. The old lady was decidedly nervous of the impressive +Englishman who had come<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span> asking after her disgraced companion; she +moved her fat hands uneasily even before he asked, "Where has she +gone? Perhaps you would be kind enough to give me her address?"</p> + +<p>"I cannot," she was obliged to say; "I have not it. I do not know +where she is."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew stared. "But surely," he said, "you are mistaken? She was +here yesterday."</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes; I know. But she is not here now; she went last night in +haste. I will tell you about it. You are a friend? Come in."</p> + +<p>Without waiting, she led him into the drawing-room, and there left him +in some haste. The room struck him as familiar; he wondered why, until +he remembered that it must have been Julia's description which made +him so well acquainted with it. It was all just as she described; the +thick, dark-coloured carpet, with the little carefully-bound strips of +the same material laid over it to make paths to the piano, the stove, +and other frequented spots. The highly-polished furniture, upholstered +in black and yellow Utrecht velvet, the priceless Chinese porcelain +brought home by old Dutch merchants, and handed down from mother to +daughter for generations; the antimacassars of crochet work, the +snuff-coloured wall-paper, the wonderful painted tiles framed in ebony +that hung upon it. It was all just as she had said; the very light and +smell seemed familiar, she must somehow have given him an idea of them +too.</p> + +<p>Just then Vrouw Van Heigen came back, and her husband with her; she +had been to fetch him, not feeling equal to dealing with the visitor +alone. Mijnheer, by her request, had put on his best coat, but he +still had his spectacles pushed upon his forehead, as they always were +when he was disturbed in the office.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span></p> + +<p>There was a formal greeting—one never dispensed with that in Holland, +then Mijnheer said, "You are, I suppose, a friend of Miss Polkington's +father?"</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew, remembering the winter day at Marbridge, answered, "I am +acquainted with him."</p> + +<p>Mijnheer nodded. "Yes, yes," he said; then, "it is very sad, and much +to be regretted. I cannot but give to you, and through you to her +father, very bad news of Miss Polkington. She is not what we thought +her; she has disgraced—"</p> + +<p>But here Rawson-Clew interrupted, but in the quiet, leisurely way +which was so incomprehensible to the Hollanders. "My dear sir," he +said, "please spare yourself the trouble of these details; I am the +man with whom Miss Polkington had the misfortune to be lost on the +Dunes."</p> + +<p>Vrouw Van Heigen gasped; the gentle, drawling voice, the manner, the +whole air of the speaker overwhelmed her, and shattered all her +previous thoughts of the affair. With Mijnheer it was different; right +was right, and wrong wrong to him, no matter who the persons concerned +might be.</p> + +<p>"Then, sir," he said, growing somewhat red, "I am glad indeed that I +cannot tell you where she is."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew looked up with faint admiration, righteous indignation, or +at all events the open expression of it, was a discourtesy practically +extinct with the people among whom he usually lived. He felt respect +for the old bulb grower who would be guilty of it.</p> + +<p>"I am sorry you should think so badly of me," he said; "I can only +assure you that it is without reason. You do not believe me? I suppose +it is quite useless for me to say that my sole motive in seeking Miss +Polkington is a desire to prevent her from coming to any harm?"</p> + +<p>"She will, I should think, come to less harm without<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span> you than with +you," Mijnheer retorted; and Rawson-Clew, seeing as plainly as Julia +had yesterday, the impossibility of making the position clear, did not +attempt it.</p> + +<p>"I hope you may be right," he said, "but I am afraid she will be in +difficulties. She had little money, and no friends in Holland, and +was, I have reason to believe, on such terms with her family that it +would not suit her to return to England."</p> + +<p>"Ah, but she must have gone to England!" Vrouw Van Heigen cried. "She +went away in a carriage as one does when one goes to the station to +start on a journey."</p> + +<p>"She received letters from her family," Mijnheer said sturdily, "not +frequently, but occasionally; there was not, I think, any quarrel or +disagreement. She must certainly have set out to return home last +night. If not, and if she had nowhere to go, why should she leave as +she did yesterday? We did not say 'go!' we were content that she +should remain several days, until her arrangements could be made."</p> + +<p>"She might not have cared for that," Rawson-Clew suggested; "if you +insinuated to her the sort of things you did to me; women do not like +that, as a rule, you know."</p> + +<p>All the same, as he said this, he could not help thinking Mijnheer +right; Julia must have had somewhere to go. Her dignity and feelings +were not of the order to lose sight of essentials in details, or to +demand unreasonable sacrifice of common sense. She must have had some +destination in view when she left the Van Heigens yesterday, and, as +far as he could see, there was no destination open to her but home.</p> + +<p>Mijnheer was firmly of this opinion, although, now that a question +about it had been suggested to him, he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span> wished he had made sure before +the girl left. Of course, her plans and destination were no business +of his—she might even have refused to give information about them on +that account; he had dismissed her in disgrace, what she did next was +not his concern. But in spite of her bad behaviour he had liked her; +and though his notions of propriety, and consequent condemnation of +her, had undergone no change, he was kind-heartedly anxious she should +come to no harm. Her words about some good people making the merely +indiscreet into sinners came back to him, but he would not apply them; +Julia had gone home, he was sure of it, and a good thing too; the +Englishman with the quiet voice and the grand manner could not follow +her there to her detriment. Though, to be sure, it was strange that +such a man as he should want to; he was not the kind of person +Mijnheer had expected the partner in the escapade to be; truly the +English were a strange people, very strange. His wife agreed with him +on that point; they often said so afterwards—in fact, whenever they +thought of the disgraced companion, who was such an excellent cook.</p> + +<p>As for Rawson-Clew, he returned to England; there was nothing to keep +him longer in Holland. But as he was still not sure how Julia's +"capital arrangement" was going to be worked out, and was determined +to bear his share of the burden, he decided to go to Marbridge on an +early opportunity.</p> + +<p>The opportunity did not occur quite so soon as he expected; several +things intervened, so that he had been home more than a week before he +was able to fulfil his intention. Marbridge lies in the west country, +some considerable distance from London; Rawson-Clew did not reach it +till the afternoon, at an hour devoted by the Polkingtons <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span>most +exclusively to things social. It is to be feared, however, that he did +not consider the Polkingtons collectively at all; it was Julia, and +Julia alone, of whom he was thinking when he knocked at the door of +No. 27 East Street.</p> + +<p>The door was opened by a different sort of servant from the one who +had opened it to him the last time he came; rather a smart-looking +girl she was, with her answers quite ready.</p> + +<p>"Miss Julia Polkington was not at home," she said, and, in answer to +his inquiry when she was expected, informed him that she did not know.</p> + +<p>"There is no talk of her coming home, sir," she said; "she is abroad, +I think; she has been gone some time."</p> + +<p>"Since when?"</p> + +<p>The girl did not know. "In the spring, I think, sir," she said; "she +has not been here all the summer."</p> + +<p>Then, it seemed, his first suspicion was correct; Julia had not gone +home; for some reason or another she was not able to return.</p> + +<p>"Is Captain Polkington in?" he asked.</p> + +<p>He was not; there was no one at home now; but Mrs. Polkington would be +in in about an hour. The maid added the last, feeling sure her +mistress would be sorry to let such a visitor slip.</p> + +<p>But Rawson-Clew did not want to see Mrs. Polkington; she, he was +nearly sure, represented the aspiring side of the family, not the one +to whom Julia would turn in straits. The improved look of the house +and the servant suggested that the family was hard at work aspiring +just now, and so less likely than ever to be ready to welcome the +girl, or anxious to give true news of her if they had any to give. +Captain Polkington, who no one could connect with the ascent of the +social ladder, might possibly know something; at all events, there +was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span> a better chance of it, and he certainly could very easily be made +to tell anything he did know.</p> + +<p>"When do you expect Captain Polkington home?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Not for a month or more, I believe, sir," was the answer; "he is in +London just now."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew asked for his address; it occurred to him that Julia might +have gone to her father; it really seemed very probable. He got the +address in full, and went away, but without leaving any name to puzzle +and tantalise Mrs. Polkington. Of course she was puzzled and +tantalised when the maid told her of the visitor. From past +experience, she expected something unpleasant of his coming, even +though the description sounded favourable; but, as she heard no more +of it, she forgot all about him in the course of time.</p> + +<p>It was on the next afternoon that Rawson-Clew drove to 31 Berwick +Street. There are several Berwick Streets in London, and, though the +address given was full enough for the postal authorities, the cabman +had some difficulty in finding it, and went wrong before he went +right. It was a dingy street, and not very long; it had an +unimportant, apologetic sort of air, as if it were quite used to being +overlooked. The houses were oldish, and very narrow, so that a good +many were packed into the short length; the pavement was narrow, too, +and so were the windows; they, for the most part, were carefully +draped with curtains of doubtful hue. Some were further guarded from +prying eyes by sort of gridirons, politely called balconies, though, +since the platform had been forgotten, and only the protecting +railings were there hard up against the glass, the name was deceptive.</p> + +<p>The hansom came slowly down the street, the driver <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span>scanning the +frequent doors for 31. He overlooked it by reason of the fact that the +number had been rubbed off, but finally located it by discovering most +of the numbers above and below. Rawson-Clew got out and rang. In +course of time—rather a long time—the door was opened to him by the +landlady—that same landlady who had confided to Mr. Gillat the +desirability of having a good standing with the butcher.</p> + +<p>"Cap'ain Polkington?" she said, in answer to Rawson-Clew's inquiry. "I +don't know whether he's in or not; you'd better go up and see; one of +'em's there, anyhow."</p> + +<p>She stood back against the wall, and Rawson-Clew came in.</p> + +<p>"Up-stairs," she said; "second door you come to."</p> + +<p>With that she went down to the kitchen regions; she was no respecter +of persons, and she thanked God she had plenty of her own business to +mind, and never troubled herself poking into other people's. +Consequently, though she might wonder what a man of Rawson-Clew's +appearance should want with her lodgers, she did not let it interfere +with her work, or take the edge off her tongue in the heated argument +she held with the milkman, who came directly after.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew found his way up the stairs; they were steep, and had +rather the appearance of having been omitted in the original plan of +the house, and squeezed in as an afterthought, when it was found +really impossible to do without. There was no window to give light to +them, or air either; hence, no doubt, the antiquity of the flavour of +cabbage and fried bacon with hung about them. But Rawson-Clew, when he +ascended, found the second door without trouble; there was not room to +get lost. He knocked; he half expected to hear Julia's voice; it +seemed to him probable that she was the person referred <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span>to as "one of +them." But it was a man who bade him enter, and, unless his memory +played him false, not Captain Polkington.</p> + +<p>It was not the Captain, it was Johnny Gillat. He was reading the +newspaper—Captain Polkington had it in the morning, he in the +afternoon; he wore, or attempted to (they fell off rather often), very +old slippers indeed, and a coat of surprising shabbiness which he +reserved for home use. For a moment he stared at his visitor in +astonishment, and Rawson-Clew apologised for his intrusion. "I was +looking for Captain Polkington," he said. "I was told he was probably +here."</p> + +<p>"Ah!" Mr. Gillat exclaimed, his face lighting into a smile. "Of +course, of course! Captain Polkington's out just now, but he'll be in +soon. Come in, won't you; come in and wait for him."</p> + +<p>He hospitably dragged forward the shabby easy-chair. "Try that, won't +you?" he said. "It's really comfortable—not that one, that's a little +weak in the legs; it ought to be put away; it's deceptive to people +who don't know it."</p> + +<p>He pushed the offending chair against the wall, his slippers flapping +on his feet, so that he thought it less noticeable to surreptitiously +kick them off. "My name's Gillat," he went on. "Captain Polkington is +an old friend of mine."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Gillat?" Rawson-Clew said. He remembered the name, and something +Julia had said about the bearer of it. It was he who had given her the +big gold watch she wore, and he of whom she had seemed fond, in a +half-protecting, half-patient way, that was rather inexplicable—at +least it was till he saw Mr. Gillat.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps," Rawson-Clew said, "you can tell me what I want to know—it +is about Miss Julia Polkington. I met her in Holland during the +summer."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span></p> + +<p>He may have thought of giving some idea of intimacy, or of explaining +his interest; but, if so, he changed his mind; anything of the kind +was perfectly unnecessary to Mr. Gillat, who did not dream of +questioning his reason.</p> + +<p>"Ah, yes," he said; "Julia is in Holland; she has been there a long +time."</p> + +<p>"Is she there still?" Rawson-Clew asked. "Can you give me her +address?"</p> + +<p>"Well," Johnny said regretfully, "not exactly. But she is abroad +somewhere," the last with an increase of cheerfulness, as if to +indicate that this was something, at all events.</p> + +<p>"You don't know where she is?" Rawson-Clew inquired. "Does her father? +I suppose he does—some one must."</p> + +<p>"No," Johnny said. "No; I'm afraid not. Certainly her father does not, +nor her mother—none of us know; but, as you say, somebody must +know—the people she is with, for instance."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew grew a little impatient. "Do you mean," he said, "that her +family are content to know nothing of her whereabouts? Have they taken +no steps to find her?"</p> + +<p>"Well, you see," Johnny answered slowly, "there aren't any steps to +take. They don't want to find her; she is quite well and happy, no +doubt, and she will come back when she is ready. Mrs. Polkington—do +you know Mrs. Polkington? A wonderful woman! She is very busy just +now, she is shining. Miss Chèrie is quite a belle. They really have +not—have not accommodation for Julia; it is not, of course, that they +don't want her—they have not exactly room for her."</p> + +<p>"But surely they want to know where she is?" Rawson-Clew persisted.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span></p><p>"No, they don't," Johnny told him. "They know she is all right; she +told them so, and told them she did not want to be found. They are +satisfied—" He broke off, feeling that the visitor was more +astonished than admiring of such a state of affairs. "Family emotions +and sentiments, you know," he explained in defence of this family, +"are not every one's strong point; the social, or the religious, or—" +(he waved his hand comprehendingly) "or the national may stand first, +and why not?"</p> + +<p>"Are you satisfied?" Rawson-Clew asked briefly.</p> + +<p>"I'd sooner be able to see her," Johnny admitted. "I'm fond of her; +yes, she's been very kind and good; I miss seeing her. But, of course, +she has her way to make in the world."</p> + +<p>"But are you satisfied that she should make it thus? That she should +leave the Dutch family she was with and disappear, leaving no +address?"</p> + +<p>"Sir," Johnny said with dignity, "I am quite satisfied, and if any one +says that he is not, I would be pleased to talk to him."</p> + +<p>But the dignity left Mr. Gillat's manner as quickly as it came; before +Rawson-Clew could say anything, he was apologising. "You must forgive +me," he said; "I am very fond of that little girl; and I thought—but +I had no business to think; I'm an old fool, to think you meant—"</p> + +<p>"I only meant," Rawson-Clew said, speaking with unconscious +gentleness, "that I was afraid she might be in difficulties. She may +be in trouble about money, or something."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," Johnny said cheerfully; "she has a fine head for money +matters. I have sometimes thought, since she has been gone, that she +has the best head in the family! She's all right—quite right; there's +no need to be uneasy <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[184]</a></span>about her. I'll show you the letter she wrote +me."</p> + +<p>He opened a shabby pocket-book, and took out a letter. "There, you +read that," he said.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew read, and at the end was little wiser. Julia said she had +left one situation (reason not even suggested), and had got another. +That she did not wish to give her new address, or to hear from Mr. +Gillat, or her family, at this new place, as it might spoil her +arrangements. Rawson-Clew recognised the last word as a favourite of +Julia's; with her it was elastic, and could mean anything, from a +piece of lace arranged to fill up the neck of a dress, to a complex +and far-reaching scheme arranged to bring about some desired end. What +it meant in the present instance was not indicated, but clearly she +did not wish for interference, and, with some wisdom, took the surest +way to prevent it by making it well-nigh impossible. She had left one +means of communication, however, though apparently that was for Johnny +only. "If you and father get into any very great muddle," she wrote, +"you must let me know. Put an advertisement—one word, 'Johnny,' will +do—in a paper; I shall understand, and, if I can, I will try to do +something." A paper was suggested; it was a cheap weekly. Rawson-Clew +remembered to have seen it once in the small Dutch town that summer, +so it was to be got there. Unfortunately, as he also remembered, it +was to be got in Amsterdam and Rotterdam, and Paris and Berlin too.</p> + +<p>He folded the letter, and returned it to Mr. Gillat. "Thank you," he +said; "evidently, as you say, she does not wish to be found, and it +would seem she has got some sort of employment, although I am afraid +it cannot be of an easy or pleasant sort."</p> + +<p>He did not explain the reason he had for thinking so, and Mr. Gillat +never thought of asking. Soon after he went away.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[185]</a></span></p> + +<p>Clearly there was nothing to be done. Julia did not mean to have his +help and protection; and, with a decision and completeness which, now +he came to think of it, did not altogether surprise him, she has taken +care to avoid them. That absurd refusal of hers was, after all, a +reprieve, although until now he had not looked upon it in that light. +No doubt it was a good thing affairs had turned out as they had; the +marriage would have been in many ways disadvantageous. Yet he +certainly would have insisted on it, and taken trouble to do so, if +she had not put it altogether out of his power. All the same, he did +not feel as gratified as he ought, perhaps because the arrogance of +man is not pleased to have woman arbitrator of his fate, and the +instinct of gentleman is not satisfied to have her bear his burden, +perhaps for some other less clear reason. He really did not know +himself, and did not try to think; there seemed little object in doing +so, seeing that incident was closed.</p> + +<p>The next day he went north, and by accident travelled part of the way +with a lady of his acquaintance. She was young, not more than five or +six and twenty, nice looking too, and very well dressed. She had a lot +of small impediments with her—a cloak, a dressing-bag, sunshade, +umbrella, golf clubs—some one, no doubt, would come and clear her +when the destination was reached; in the mean time, she and her +belongings were an eminently feminine presence. She talked pleasantly +of what had happened since they last met; she had been to Baireuth +that summer, she told him, and spoke intelligently of the music, the +technique and the beauty of it, and what it stood for. She was +surprised to hear he had got no further than Holland, and more +surprised still that he had not even seen Rembrandt's masterpiece +while he was there. Her voice was smooth and even, a little loud, +perhaps, from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[186]</a></span> her spending much time out of doors, not in the least +given to those subtle changes of tone which express what is not said; +but as she never wanted to express any such things, that did not +matter.</p> + +<p>She did not bore him with too much conversation; she had papers with +her—some three or four, and she glanced at them between whiles. +Afterwards she commented on their contents—the political situation, +the war (there is always a war somewhere), the cricket news, the new +books; touching lightly, but intelligently, on each topic in turn.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew listened and answered, polite and mildly interested. It +was some time since he had heard this agreeable kind of conversation, +and since he had come in contact with this agreeable kind of person. +He ought to have appreciated it more, as men appreciate the charm of +drawing-rooms who have long been banished from them. He came to the +conclusion that he must be growing old, not to prefer the society of a +pretty, agreeable and well-dressed woman to an empty railway carriage.</p> + +<p>The girl had two fine carnations in her coat; the stalks were rather +long, and so had got bruised. She regretted this, and Rawson-Clew +offered to cut them for her. He began to feel for a knife in likely +and unlikely pockets, and it was then that he first noticed a faint, +sweet smell; dry, not strong at all, more a memory than a scent. He +did not recognise what it was, nor from where it came, but it reminded +him of something, he could not think what.</p> + +<p>He puzzled over it as he cut the flower stalks, then all at once he +laid hold on the edge of a recollection—a pair of dark eyes, in which +mirthful, mocking lights flickered, as the sun splashes flicker on the +ground under trees—a voice, many-noted as a violin, that grew softest +when it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[187]</a></span> was going to strike hardest, that expressed a hundred things +unsaid.</p> + +<p>He looked across at the owner of the carnations, and wondered by what +perversity of fate it was decreed that any one who could buy such good +boots, should have such ill-shaped feet to put into them; and why, if +fate so handicapped her, why she should exhibit them by crossing her +knees. He also wondered what possessed her to wear that hat; every +other well-dressed girl had a variation of the style that year, it was +the correctest of the correct for fashion, but he did not take note of +that. Men are rather blockheaded on the subject of fashion, and seldom +see the charm in the innately unbecoming and unsuitable, no matter +what decrees it.</p> + +<p>He looked back to the empty opposite corner, and, though until that +moment he had not really thought of Julia since he left Mr. Gillat +yesterday, he put her there in imagination now. He did not want her +there, he did not want her anywhere (there are some wines which a man +does not want, that still rather spoil his taste for others). She +would not have made the mistake of wearing such a hat; her clothes +were not new, they were distinctly shabby sometimes, but they were +well assorted. As to the boots—he remembered the day he tied her +shoe—he could imagine the man she married, if he were very young and +very foolish, of course, finding a certain pleasure in taking her +arched foot, when it was pink and bare, in the hollow of his hand. If +she were in that corner now, the quiet, twinkling smile would +certainly be on her face as she listened to the talk of books, and +men, and places, and things. He did not picture her joining even when +they spoke of things she knew, and places she had been to—he +remembered he had once heard her speak of a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[188]</a></span>town which had been +spoken of this afternoon. She had somehow grasped the whole life of +the place, and laid it bare to him in a few words—the light-hearted +gaiety and the sordid misery, the black superstition and the towering +history which overhung it, and the cheerful commonplace which, like +the street cries and the gutter streams, ran through it all—the whole +flavour of the thing. The girl opposite had been to the place too; she +told him of the historic spots she had visited; she knew a deal more +about them than Julia did. She spoke of the quaint pottery to be +bought there—it had not struck Julia as quaint, any more than it did +its buyers and sellers. And she referred to the sayings and opinions +of a great pose writer, who had expressed all he knew and felt and +thought about it, and more besides. Julia, apparently, had not read +him—what reading she had done seemed to be more in the direction of +<i>Gil Blas</i>, and Dean Swift, and other kindred things in different +languages.</p> +<p class="center"><a name="Julia" id="Julia"></a><img class="img1" src="images/image_03.jpg" alt="Julia" width="400" height="648" /><br /> +<span class="caption">"Julia"</span></p> + + +<p>The owner of the carnations glanced out of window, and commented on +the scenery, which was here rather fine—Julia would not have done +that; all the same, she would have known just what sort of country +they had passed through all the way, not only when it was fine; she +would have noticed the lie of the land, the style of work done there, +the kind of lives lived there, even, possibly, the likely difficulties +in the way of railway-making and bridge building. She would certainly +have taken account of the faces on the platforms at which they drew +up, so that without effort she could have picked out the porter who +would give the best service; the stranger in need of help, and he who +would offer it; and the guard most likely to be useful if it were +necessary to cheat the company—it was conceivable that cheating +companies might sometimes be necessary in her scheme of things.</p> + + +<p>He cut another piece off the carnation stalks, they were<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[189]</a></span> still too +long. He did not wish Julia there; he fancied that it was likely she +would not easily find her place among the people he would meet at his +journey's end. But if there were no end—if he were going somewhere +else, east or west, north or south—say a certain old oriental town, +old and wicked as time itself, and full of the mystery and indefinable +charm of age, and iniquity, and transcendent beauty—she would like +that; she would grasp the whole, without attempting to express or +judge it. Or a little far-off Tyrolean village, remote as the +mountains from the life of the world—she would like that; the +discomfort would be nothing to her, the primitiveness, the simplicity, +everything. If he were going to some such place—why, then, there were +worse things than having to take the companion of the holiday too.</p> + +<p>He handed back the carnations, and then unthinkingly put his hand into +his coat-pocket. His fingers came in contact with some dry rubbish, +little more than stalks and dust, but still exhaling something of the +fragrance which had been sun distilled on the Dunes. He recognised it +now—Julia's flowers, put there in the wood, and forgotten until now.</p> + +<p>"Thanks so much for cutting them," said the girl with the carnations, +smelling them before she fastened them on again. "I really think they +are my favourite flower; the scent is so delicious—quite the nicest +flower of all, don't you think so?"</p> + +<p>"I'm not sure," Rawson-Clew said thoughtfully, and when he spoke +thoughtfully he drawled very much, "I'm not sure I don't sometimes +prefer wild thyme."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[190]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII</h2> + +<h3>THE YOUNG COOK</h3> +<p>It was about ten o'clock on an October night; everything was intensely +quiet in the big kitchen where Julia stood. It was not a cheerful +place even in the day time, the windows looked north, and were very +high up; the walls and floor were alike of grey stone, which gave it a +prison-like aspect, and also took much scrubbing, as she had reason to +know. It was far too large a place to be warmed by the small stove now +used; Julia sometimes wondered if the big one that stood empty in its +place would have been sufficient to warm it. She glanced at it now, +but without interest; she was very tired, it was almost bed-time, and +she had done, as she had every day since she first joined Herr Van de +Greutz's household, a very good day's work. She had scarcely been +outside the four walls since she first came there on the day after the +holiday on the Dunes. This had been her own choice, for, unlike all +the cooks who had been before her, she had asked for no evenings out. +Marthe, the short-tempered housekeeper, had not troubled herself to +wonder why, she had been only too pleased to accept the arrangement +without comment. Apart from the self-chosen confinement, the life had +been hard enough; the work was hard, the service hard and ill-paid, +and both the other inmates of the house cross-grained, and difficult +to please. These things, however, Julia did not mind; discomfort never +mat<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[191]</a></span>tered much to her when she had an end in view; in this case, too, +the end should more than repay the worst of her two task-masters. +Which was agreeable, and almost made his unpleasantness desirable, as +providing her intended act with a justification.</p> + +<p>She drew the coffee pot further on to the stove, and with a splinter +of wood stirred the fire. She had the kitchen to herself, old Marthe +had gone to bed; she liked going to bed early, with a glass of +something hot, and she had soon found that the young cook could be +trusted to finish the work down-stairs. It was her opinion that it is +as well to be comfortable when you can, as blessings are fleeting and +fickle, especially when they are cooks; so she indulged often both in +bed and the glass, notably the glass. She had not been able to go to +bed quite as early as she liked that day, for her master had a +visitor, and there had been some trouble after the dinner. It was +intended to be an hour later than usual to accommodate the visitor, +but the chemist had not mentioned the fact—he seldom troubled about +such trifles, expecting his household to divine his wishes +instinctively, and resenting their failure to do so with indignation +and some abuse. He did so to-day, and Marthe was consequently kept up +later than she had intended, though it was Julia who came in for most +of the reproof, and the trouble too; it was she who took away the +dinner and kept it hot, and presented it afresh when the time came in +as good condition as she could manage. There had to be a second omelet +made; the first would not stand an hour, and so was wasted, to the +indignation of Marthe. The chicken was a trifle dried by waiting, +which called down the wrath of Herr Van de Greutz. Julia had listened +to both of them with a meekness which was beautiful to see, albeit +perhaps a little suspicious in one of her nature.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[192]</a></span></p> + +<p>She glanced up at the clock now, then rose and fetched two thick white +coffee cups, and set them ready on a tray, and sat down again. She +wondered drowsily how long Herr Van de Greutz's visitor would stay. He +was a German, a very great scientist; the chemist looked upon him as a +friend and an equal, a brother in arms; they talked together freely in +the cryptic language of science, and in German, which is the tongue +best fitted to help out the other. Julia heard them when she went to +and from with the dishes at dinner time. She did not understand +chemistry, a fact she much regretted; had she known even half as much +as Rawson-Clew, the desired end would have been much sooner within +reach. It is a very great disadvantage to have only a very vague idea +what it is you want. But she did understand German very well, +consequently part of the chemists' conversation was quite intelligible +to her, though they did not know it. Herr Van de Greutz knew and cared +nothing about her; he was not even aware that she was English, though, +of course, old Marthe was.</p> + +<p>If the conversation had touched on the famous explosive at dinner +time, Julia would have known it; she was always on the watch for some +such occurrence. Unfortunately it had not, although, as she saw +plainly, the German was the sort of man with whom Van de Greutz would +discuss such things. She had still another chance of hearing +something; she would soon have to take the coffee into the laboratory; +they might be speaking of it then. She remembered once before Van de +Greutz had spoken of it to a scientific guest at such a time; she had +then heard some unenlightening technical details, which might have +been of some value to a chemist, but were of no use at all to her +ignorance. It was hard to come thus near, and yet be as far off as +ever, but such things are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[193]</a></span> likely to occur when one is in pursuit of +anything, Julia knew that; she was prepared to wait, by and by she +would find out what it was she wanted, and then—</p> + +<p>A bell rang peremptorily; she hastily poured the strong black coffee +into the two cups, and put a bottle of Schiedam on the tray. As she +did so she noticed that it was nearly empty, so she fetched another +full one, and added that to the tray. The bell did not ring again, +although getting the second bottle had hindered her, for by this time +the chemists had forgotten they wanted coffee. When she entered the +laboratory, Herr Van de Greutz had just taken a bottle from the lower +part of a cupboard near the door. Second shelf from the floor, five +bottles from the left-hand corner. Julia observed the place with +self-trained accuracy as she passed Herr Van de Greutz with the tray, +which she carried to the table far down the room.</p> + +<p>"This is it," Van de Greutz said; "a small quantity only, you see, but +the authorities have a ridiculous objection to one's keeping any large +one of explosive. Of course, I have more, in a stone house in my +garden; it is perhaps safer so, seeing its nature, and the fact that +one is always liable to small accidents in a laboratory."</p> + +<p>Julia put down the tray, but upset some of the coffee. Seeing that +excitement had not usually the effect of making her hand unsteady, it +is possible accident had not much to do with it. However, it happened; +she carefully wiped it up, and the two chemists, paying no more +attention to her than if she had been a cat, went on speaking of the +explosive. It was <i>the</i> explosive; their talk told her that before she +had finished the wiping.</p> + +<p>"The formula I would give for it?" Van de Greutz was saying; as she +sopped up the last drops, he gave the formula.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[194]</a></span></p> + +<p>She lifted the full bottle of Schiedam from the tray, and carried it +away with her—in the hand farthest from the chemist's, certainly, but +with as little concealment as ostentation. Near the door she glanced +at the German, or rather, at what he held, the sample of the +explosive. It was a white powder in a wide-necked, stoppered bottle of +the size Julia herself called "quarter pint." The bottle was not more +than two-thirds full, and had no mark on it at all, except a small +piece of paper stuck to the side, and inscribed with the single letter +"A." This may have been done in accordance with some private system of +Herr Van de Greutz's, or it may have been for the sake of secrecy. The +reason did not matter; the most accurate name would have been no more +informing to Julia, but decidedly more inconvenient.</p> + +<p>She went out and shut the door quietly; then she literally fled back +to the kitchen with the Schiedam. Scarcely waiting to set it down, she +seized a slip of kitchen paper, and scribbled on it the string of +letters and figures that Herr Van de Greutz had given as the formula +of his explosive. She did not know what a formula was, nor in what +relation it stood to the chemical body, but from the talks she had +heard between the chemist and his friends, she guessed it to be +something important. Accordingly, when he said the formula, she was as +careful to remember it accurately as she was to remember the place of +the bottle on the shelf. Now she wrote it down just as he spoke it, +and, though perhaps not exactly as he would have written it, still +comprehensible. She pinned the piece of paper in the cuff of her +dress; it would not be found there if, by ill luck, she was caught and +searched later on. Next she went to the kitchen cupboard; there were +several wide-necked stoppered bottles there, doubtless without the +chemist's knowledge, but Marthe found<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[195]</a></span> them convenient for holding +spices, and ginger, and such things. She took the one nearest in shape +and size to the one which she had seen in the German's hand; emptied +out the contents, dusted it and put in ground rice till it was +two-thirds full. Then, with the lap-scissors, she trimmed a piece of +paper to the right size, wrote "A" upon it, and stuck it to the side +of the bottle with a dab of treacle—she had nothing else. She was +hastily wiping off the surplus stickiness when the bell rang again. +She finished what she was doing, and shrouded the bottle in a duster, +so that there was another summons before she could set out. She took +the Schiedam with her—of course it was that which was rung for, but +also the bottle in the duster.</p> + +<p>She did not hurry. "I'll give him time to put the explosive back," she +thought. It was just possible that it would be set on a bench, perhaps +in an awkward place, but from her knowledge of Van de Greutz's ways +she guessed not. It was also, of course, possible that the cupboard +where it was kept would be locked; in that case, nothing could be done +just now—annoying, but not desperate; ground rice will keep, and, +apparently, explosives too, so she reflected as she opened the +laboratory door. But the cupboard was not locked, and the bottle was +back in its place. Another from the shelf above had been taken out; +the chemists were discussing that as they sat smoking cigars at the +table far down the room, where the coffee cups stood.</p> + +<p>"More Schiedam!" Herr Van de Greutz said, throwing the words at Julia +over his shoulder. "Why did you bring an empty bottle?"</p> + +<p>"I am sorry, Mijnheer," Julia answered; "there was not much, I know; I +have brought more."</p> + +<p>She pushed the door to with her foot as she spoke, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[196]</a></span> with the hand +not carrying the spirit set down the duster and the bottle it held on +a chair. The German had put his coat over the chair earlier; it stood +in front of the cupboard, a little way from it. With the true rogue's +eye for cover, Julia noted the value of its position, and even +improved it by moving it a little to the left as she knocked against +it in passing.</p> + +<p>She brought the Schiedam to the table. "Shall I take the cups, +Mijnheer?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Van de Greutz answered shortly, resenting the interruption, +"and go to the devil. As I was saying, it is very unstable."</p> + +<p>This was to the German, and did not concern Julia; she took the tray +of cups and went. But near the door there was an iron tripod lying on +the floor; she caught her foot in it, stumbled and fell headlong, +dropping tray and cups with a great clatter.</p> + +<p>There was a general exclamation of annoyance and anger from Van de +Greutz, of surprise and commiseration from the German, and of +something that might have been fright or pain from Julia.</p> + +<p>"You clumsy fool!" Van de Greutz cried. "Get out of here, and don't +let me see your face, or hear your trampling ass-hoofs again! Do you +hear me, I won't have you in here again!"</p> + +<p>The German was more sympathetic. "Have you hurt yourself?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"No, Mijnheer, nothing," Julia answered; "only a little—my knees and +elbows." Had she been playing Othello, though she might not have +blacked herself all over, it is certain she would have carried the +black a long way below high water mark. This was no painless stage +stumble, but one with real bruises and a real thud.</p> + +<p>The German had half risen; perhaps he thought of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[197]</a></span> coming to help pick +up the pieces of broken cups that were scattered between the cupboard +and the chair. But he did not do so, for Herr Van de Greutz went on to +speak of his unstable compound.</p> + +<p>"I treated it with—" he said, and, seeing this was something very +daring, the other's attention was caught.</p> + +<p>Julia picked up the pieces alone, and carried them out on the tray, +and on the tray also she carried a bottle wrapped into a duster. It +was a wide-necked stoppered bottle, two-thirds full of white powder; +very much like the one she had brought in, but also very much like the +one that stood five from the end on the second shelf of the cupboard.</p> + +<p>Soon after that she went up to her room, and took the bottle with her. +Then, when she had set it in a place of safety, and securely locked +the door, she broke into a silent laugh of delighted amusement. She +pictured to herself Herr Van de Greutz's face when, in company with +some other chemist, he found the ground rice, while his cook with the +"ass-hoofs" carried the explosive to her native land.</p> + +<p>"What a thief I should make," was her own opinion of herself. "I +believe I could do as well as Grimm's 'Master Thief,' who stole the +parson and clerk." She took up the bottle and shook a little of the +contents into her hand; she had not the least idea how it was set off, +whether a blow, a fall, or heat would reveal its dangerous +characteristics. For a little she looked at it with curiosity and +satisfaction. But gradually the satisfaction faded; the excitement of +the chase was over, and the prize, now it was won, did not seem a +great thing. She set the bottle down rather distastefully, and turned +away.</p> + +<p>"He could not have got the stuff," she told herself defiantly—"he" +was Rawson-Clew—but the next moment,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[198]</a></span> with the justice she dealt +herself, she admitted, "Because he would not get it this way; he is +not rogue enough; while as for me—I am a born rogue."</p> + +<p>She pushed open the window and looked out, although it was quite dark, +and the air pervaded with a cold, rank smell of wet vegetation. She +was thinking of the other piece of roguery which she had meant to +commit, and yet had not. She had the bulb, in spite of that; it was +safe among her clothes—hers by a free gift, hers absolutely, yet as +unable to be sold as the lock of a dead mother's hair. The debt of +honour could not be paid by that. From her heart she wished she had +not got the daffodil; she put it in the same category with Mr. +Gillat's watch, as one of the things which made her ashamed of herself +and of her life, even of this last act, and the very skill that had +made it easy.</p> + +<p>She took up the bottle again, and for a moment considered whether she +should give it back to Herr Van de Greutz—not personally, that would +hardly be safe; but she could post it from England after she left his +service. But she did not do so; Rawson-Clew stood in the way; it was +for him she had taken it, and her purpose in him still stood. He +wanted the explosive, it would be to his credit and honour to have it; +the government service to which he belonged would think highly of him +if he had it—if he received it anonymously, so that he could not tell +from whence it came, and they could not divide the credit of getting +it between him and another. He wanted it, and he had been good to her. +He had been kind when she was in trouble; he had not believed her when +she had called herself dishonest; he had treated her as an equal, in +spite of the affair at Marbridge, and he had asked her to marry him +when he thought she was compromised by the holiday in the Dunes. For a +moment her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[199]</a></span> mind strayed from the point at issue, to that offer of +marriage. She remembered the exact wording of the letter as if she had +but just received it, and it pleased her afresh. She did not regret +that she had refused him; nothing else had been possible. She did not +want to marry him; albeit, when they had sat together under his coat, +she had not shrunk from contact with him as she had shrunk from Joost +when he had tried to take her hand—that was certainly strange. But +she was quite sure she did not want to marry him; now she came to +think about it, she could imagine that, were she a girl of his own +class, with the looks, training and knowledge that belonged, she might +have found him precisely the man she would have wanted to marry.</p> + +<p>She went to a drawer and took out an old handkerchief. She was not a +girl of that sort—deep down she felt inarticulately the old primitive +consciousness of inferiority and superiority, at once jealous and +contemptuous; marrying him and living always on his plane were alike +impossible to her, but she could give him the explosive. There was not +one girl among all those others who could have got it and given it to +him!</p> + +<p>She tore a piece from the handkerchief, and fastened it over the +stopper of the bottle; then she got out a hat trimmed with bows of +wide ribbon, and sewed the bottle into the centre bow. It presented +rather a bulgy appearance, but by a little pulling of the other +trimming it was hardly noticeable, and really nothing is too peculiar +to be worn on the head. After that she went to bed.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>There was trouble in Herr Van de Greutz's kitchen the next day; the +young cook, who had behaved so admirably before, did what old Marthe +called "showing the cloven <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[200]</a></span>hoof." She was impertinent, she was idle; +she broke dishes, she wasted eggs, and she lighted a roaring fire in +the big stove, in spite of the strict economy of fuel which was one of +the first rules of the household. Finally she announced that she must +have a day's holiday. Marthe refused point blank, whereupon the cook +said she should take it, and a dispute ensued; Marthe called her +several names, and reminded her of the fact that she had no character, +and that she had confessed to being obliged to leave the Van Heigens +in haste. Julia retorted that that fact was known to the housekeeper +when she engaged her, and was the reason of the starvation wage +offered. Marthe then inquired what enormity it was that she had +committed at the Van Heigens', and intimated that it must be +disgraceful indeed for a person, pretending to be a lady-help, to be +thankful to accept the situation of cook. Julia's answer was scarcely +polite, and very well calculated to rouse the old woman further, and, +at the same time, she opened the door and skilfully worked herself and +her antagonist into the passage, and some way up it, raising her voice +so as to incite the other to raise hers. The result was that soon the +noise reached Herr Van de Greutz.</p> + +<p>Out he came in a great rage, ordering them about their business, and +abusing them roundly. Marthe hurried back to the kitchen, effectually +silenced, but Julia remained; she had not got her dismissal yet, and +it was imperative she should get it, for there was no telling when the +ground rice would be discovered. But she soon got what she wanted; +after a very little more inciting, Herr Van de Greutz ordered her out +of his house a great deal more peremptorily than she had been ordered +out of the Van Heigens'. She was to go at once; she was to pack her +things and go, and Marthe was to see that she took nothing but what +was her own; she was the most un<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[201]</a></span>trustworthy and incompetent pig that +the devil ever sent to spoil good food, and steal silver spoons.</p> + +<p>To this Julia replied by asking for her wages. At first Van de Greutz +refused; but Julia, with some effrontery, considering the +circumstances, declined to go without them, so eventually he thought +better of it and paid her. After that she and Marthe went up-stairs, +and she packed and Marthe looked on, closely scrutinising everything. +When all was done, and she herself dressed, she walked out of the +house, with the formula fastened inside her cuff, and the explosive +balanced on her head. And the old man who did the rough work about the +place came with her, wheeling her luggage on a barrow as far as the +gate. Here he shot it out, and left her to wait till she might hail +some passing cart, and so get herself conveyed to the town.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[202]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII</h2> + +<h3>THE HEIRESS</h3> +<p>There was a fog on the river and while the tide was low no craft +moved; but with its rising there came a stir of life, the mist that +crept low on the brown water became articulate with syren voices and +the thud of screws and the wash of water churned by belated boats. The +steamers called eerily, out of the distance a heart-broken cry like no +other thing on earth, suddenly near at hand a hoot terrific; but +nothing was to be seen except rarely when out of the yellow +impenetrableness a hull rose abruptly, a vague dark mass almost within +touching distance. Julia stood on deck and listened while the little +Dutch boat crept up; she found something fascinating in this strange, +shrouded river, haunted, like a stream of the nether world, with +lamentable bodiless voices. The fog had delayed them, of course; the +afternoon was now far advanced; they had been compelled to wait some +long time while the tide was down, and even now that it was coming up, +they could go but slowly. The last through train to Marbridge would +have left Paddington before the Tower Stairs were reached; but Julia +did not mind that; she would go to Mr. Gillat; she could get a room at +the house where he lodged for one night; she was glad at the thought +of seeing Johnny again. Johnny, who knew the worst and loved and +trusted still.</p> + +<p>Gradually the fog lifted, not clearing right away, but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[203]</a></span> enough for the +last of the sunset to show smoky, rose in a wonderful tawny sky. All +the russet-brown water kindled, each ripple edge catching a gleam of +yellow, except to the eastward, where, by some trick of light, the +main stream looked like a pool of dull silver, all pale and cold and +holy. The wharves and factories on the banks revealed themselves, +heavy black outlines, pinnacled with chimneys like some far-off spired +city. All the craft that filled the river became clear too, those that +lay still waiting repairs or cargo or the flood of the incoming tide, +and those that moved—the black Norwegian timber boats, the dirty +tramp steamers from far-off seas, the smooth grey-hulled liners, the +long strings of loaded barges, that followed one another up the great +waterway like camels in a desert caravan. Julia stood on deck and +watched it all, and to her there seemed a certain sombre beauty and a +something that moved her, though she could not tell why, with a +curious baseless pride of race. And while she watched, the twilight +fell, and the colours turned to purple and grey, and the lights +twinkled out in the shipping and along the shore—hundreds and +hundreds of lights; and gradually, like the murmur of the sea in a +shell, the roar of the city grew on the ear, till at last the little +boat reached the Stairs, where the old grey fortress looks down on the +new grey bridge, and the restless river below.</p> + +<p>A waterman put Julia ashore, after courtesies from the Custom House +officers, and a porter took her and her belongings to Mark Lane +station, from whence it was not difficult to get approximately near +Berwick Street.</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat was not expecting visitors; he had no reason to imagine any +one would come to see him; he did not imagine that the rings at the +front bell could concern him; even when he heard steps coming +up-stairs he only<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[204]</a></span> thought it was another lodger. It was not till +Julia opened the door of the back room he now occupied that he had the +least idea any one had come to see him.</p> + +<p>"Julia!" he exclaimed, when he saw her standing on the threshold. +"Dear, dear, dear me!"</p> + +<p>"Yes," Julia said, "it really is I. I'm back again, you see;" and she +came in and shut the door.</p> + +<p>"Bless my soul!" Johnny said; "bless my soul! You're home again!"</p> + +<p>"On my way home; I can't get to Marbridge to-night very comfortably, +and I wanted to see you, so here I am. I have arranged with your +landlady to let me have a room."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat appeared quite overcome with joy and surprise, and it +seemed to Julia, nervousness too. He led her to a chair; "Won't you +sit down?" he said, placing it so that it commanded a view of the +window and nothing else.</p> + +<p>Julia sat down; she did not need to look at the room; she had already +mastered most of its details. When she first came in she had seen that +it was small and poor—a back bedroom, nothing more; an iron bed, not +too tidy, stood in one corner, a washstand, with dirty water in the +basin, in another. There was a painted chest of drawers opposite the +window; one leg was missing, its place being supplied by a pile of old +school-books; the top was adorned with a piece of newspaper in lieu of +a cover, and one of the drawers stood partly open; no human efforts +could get it shut, so Mr. Gillat's wardrobe was exposed to the public +gaze—if the public happened to look that way. Julia did not; nor did +she look towards the fire-place, where a very large towel-horse with a +very small towel upon it acted as a stove ornament—plain proof that +fires were unknown there. She looked across Mr. Gillat's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[205]</a></span> cheap lamp +to the window and the vista of chimney pots, which were very well in +view, for the blind refused to come down and only draped the upper +half of the window in a drooping fashion.</p> + +<p>Johnny stood against the chest of drawers, striving vainly to push the +refractory drawer shut, although he knew by experience it was quite +impossible. She could see him without turning her head; he was +shabbier than ever; even his tie—his one extravagance used to be gay +ties—was shabby, and his shoes would hardly keep on his feet. His +round pink face was still round and pink; he did not look exactly +older, though his grizzled little moustache was greyer, only somehow +more puzzled and hurt by the ways of fate. Julia knew that that was +the way he would age; experience would never teach him anything, +although, as she suddenly realised, it had been trying lately.</p> + +<p>She turned away from the window; "I have left my luggage at the +station," she said; "I got out what I wanted in the waiting-room and +brought it along in a parcel. I think I'll take it to my room now, if +you don't mind, and wash my face and get rid of my hat—it is very +heavy. I shan't be long."</p> + +<p>She rose as she spoke, and Johnny bustled to open the door for her, +too much a gentleman, in spite of all, to show he was glad to have her +go and give him a chance to clear up. At the door she paused.</p> + +<p>"You need not order supper, Johnny," she said; "I've seen about that."</p> + +<p>Johnny stopped, his face a shade pinker. "Oh, but," he protested, "you +shouldn't do that; you mustn't do that. I'll tell Mrs. Horn we won't +have it; I'll make it all right with her; I was just going out to get +a—a pork pie for myself."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[206]</a></span></p> + +<p>It is to be feared this statement was no more veracious than Julia's, +and certainly it was not nearly so well made; it would not have +deceived a far less astute person than she, while hers would have +deceived a far more astute person than he.</p> + +<p>"A pork pie?" Julia said. "You have no business to eat such things in +the evening at your time of life. I tell you I have settled supper; we +had much better have what I have got. I could not bring you a present +home from Holland; I left in a hurry, so I have bought supper instead. +It is my present to you—and myself—I have selected just what I +thought I could eat best; one has fancies, you know, after one has +been seasick."</p> + +<p>It would require an ingeniously bad sailor to be seasick while a Dutch +cargo boat crept up the Thames in a fog, but Julia never spared the +trimmings when she did do any lying. Johnny was quite satisfied and +let her go to take off her hat—and the precious explosive which she +still carried in it.</p> + +<p>While she was gone he tidied the room to the best of his ability. He +regretted that he had nowhere better to ask her; if he had the +sitting-room he occupied when Rawson-Clew came in September, he would +have felt quite grand. But that was a thing of the past, so he made +the best of circumstances and went to the reckless extravagance of +sixpenny worth of fire. When Julia came in, the towel-horse had been +removed from the fender, and a fire was sputtering awkwardly in the +grate, while Mr. Gillat, proud as a school-boy who has planned a +surprise treat, was trying to coax the smoke up the damp chimney.</p> + +<p>"Johnny!" Julia exclaimed, "what extravagance! It's quite a warm +night, too!"</p> + +<p>Johnny smiled delightedly. "I thought you'd be cold<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[207]</a></span> after your +journey; you look quite pale and pinched," he said; "seasickness does +leave one feeling chilly."</p> + +<p>Julia repented of that unnecessary trimming of hers. "It is nice to +have a fire," she said, striving not to cough at the choking smoke; "I +don't need it a bit, but I don't know anything I should have enjoyed +more; why, I haven't seen a real fire since I left England!"</p> + +<p>She broke off to take the tongs from Mr. Gillat, who, in his efforts +to improve the draught, had managed to shut the register. She opened +it again, and in a little had the fire burning nicely. Johnny looked +on and admired, and at her suggestion opened the window to let out the +smoke. After that she managed to persuade the blind down, and, what is +more, mended it so that it would go up again; then Mr. Gillat cleared +the dressing-table and pulled it out into the middle of the room, and +by that time supper was ready—fried steak and onions and bottled +beer, with jam puffs and strong black coffee to follow—not exactly +the things for one lately suffering from seasickness, but Julia tried +them all except the bottled beer and seemed none the worse for it. And +as for Johnny, if you had searched London over you could have found +nothing more to his taste. He was a little troubled at the thought of +what Julia must have spent, but she assured him she had her wages, so +he was content. Seldom was one happier than Mr. Gillat at that supper, +or afterwards, when the table was cleared and they drew up to the +fire. They sat one each side of the fender on cane-seated chairs, the +coffee on the hob, and Johnny smoking a Dutch cigar of Julia's +providing. One can buy them at the railway stations in Holland, and +she had scarcely more pleasure in giving them to Johnny than she had +in smuggling home more than the permitted quantity.</p> + +<p>"Now tell me about things," Julia said.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[208]</a></span></p> + +<p>Johnny's face fell a little. During supper they had talked about her +affairs and experiences, none of the unpleasant ones; she was +determined not to have the supper spoiled by anything. Now, however, +she felt that the time had come to hear the other side of things.</p> + +<p>"I suppose father has been to town?" she remarked; she knew only too +well that nothing else could account for Mr. Gillat's reduced +circumstances. "When did he go?"</p> + +<p>"He has not been gone much more than a week," Johnny said; "think of +that now! If he'd stayed only a fortnight more he'd have been here +to-night; it is a pity!"</p> + +<p>"I don't think it is at all," Julia said frankly; "the pity is he ever +came."</p> + +<p>Johnny rubbed his hand along his chair. "Well, well," he said, "your +mother wished it; she knows what she is about; she is a wonderful +woman, a wonderful woman. I did what you told me, I really did."</p> + +<p>Julia was sure of that, but she was also sure now that he had not been +a match for her mother.</p> + +<p>"I went down to Marbridge a week before your father was supposed to be +coming to town; I warned him very likely I should have to go away, +just as you said—and the very day I went to Marbridge he came to +town, the very day—a week earlier than was talked of."</p> + +<p>Julia could not repress an inclination to smile, not only at the neat +way in which her mother had checkmated her, but also at the thought of +that lady's face when Mr. Gillat presented himself at Marbridge, just +as she was congratulating herself on being rid of the Captain.</p> + +<p>"What happened?" she asked. "Did mother send you back to town again?"</p> + +<p>"She did not send me," Mr. Gillat answered; "but, of course, I had to +go, as she said; there was your father all alone here; it would be +very dull for him; I couldn't<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[209]</a></span> leave him. Besides, he is not—not a +strong man, it would be better—she would feel more easy if she +thought he had his old friend with him, to see he didn't get into—you +know."</p> + +<p>"I know," Julia answered; "mother told you all this, then she paid +your fare back again."</p> + +<p>"Not paid my fare," Mr. Gillat corrected; "a lady could not offer to +do such a thing; do you think I would ever have allowed it? I couldn't +you know."</p> + +<p>Julia's lips set straight; she had something of a man's contempt for +small meannesses, and it is possible her judgment on this economy of +her mother's was harder than any she had for the unjustifiable +extravagances at which she guessed. She did not say anything of it to +Mr. Gillat, she was too ashamed; not that he saw it in that light; he +didn't think he had been in any way badly used, he never did.</p> + +<p>"Well," she said, "then you came back to town and looked after father +to the best of your abilities? I suppose you could not do much good?"</p> + +<p>Johnny rubbed his hand along his chair again for a little. "You see," +he said hesitatingly, "it was very dull for him; of course he wanted +amusement."</p> + +<p>"And of course he had it, though he could not afford it, and you +paid?"</p> + +<p>"Not to any great extent; oh, dear no, not to any great extent."</p> + +<p>"No, because you had not got 'any great extent' to spend; what you +had, limited the amount, I suppose, nothing else."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat ignored this. "Your father," he said, rather uneasily, +looking at her and then away again, "your father never had a very +strong head, he—you know—he—"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[210]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Has taken to drink?" Julia asked baldly. "As well as gambling he +drinks now?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," Johnny said quickly, "not exactly, that is—he does take +more than he used, more than is good for him sometimes; not much is +good for him, you know—he does take more, it is no good pretending he +does not. But it was very dull for him; it did not suit him being +here, I think; he used to get so low in spirits, what with his losses +and feeling he was not wanted at home. He thinks a great deal of your +mother, and he could not but feel that she does not think much of him +to send him away like that; it hurt him, although, as he said to me +more than once, no doubt he deserved it. It preyed on his mind; he +seemed to want something to cheer him."</p> + +<p>Julia nodded; she could understand the effect well enough, though the +causes at work might not be quite clear. To her young judgment it +seemed a little strange that her father should have never realised +what a cumberer of the ground he was to his wife until she banished +him "for his health." But so it evidently was, and after all she could +believe it; like some others he had "made such a sinner of his +conscience," that he could believe, not only his own lie, but the +legends woven about him. They had all pretended things, he and they +also; his position, too, had come gradually, he had got to accept it +without thinking before it was an established fact. But now the truth +had been brought home to him—more or less—and he was miserable, and, +according to the custom of his sort, set to making bad worse as soon +as ever he discovered it.</p> + +<p>"Why did he go home last week?" she aroused herself to ask.</p> + +<p>"He thought it his duty," was Johnny's surprising answer. "No, Mrs. +Polkington did not send for him, she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[211]</a></span> did not know he was coming; he +decided for himself, he felt it would be better."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat rambled on vaguely, but Julia was not slow to guess that +the principal reason was to be found in the state of Johnny's +finances. She questioned him as to when he had moved into the back +room, and, finding it to be not long before her father's departure, +guessed that discomfort, like the husks of the prodigal son, had +awakened the thing dignified by the name of duty.</p> + +<p>For a little she sat in silence, thinking matters over. Johnny smoked +hard at the stump of his cigar, mended the fire and fidgeted, looking +sideways at her.</p> + +<p>"Don't worry about it," he ventured at last; "things'll look up, they +will; when he's back at Marbridge with your mother he'll be all right. +She always had a great influence over him, she had, indeed."</p> + +<p>Julia said "Yes." But he did not feel there was much enthusiasm in the +monosyllable, so he cast about in his mind for something to cheer her +and thus remembered a very important matter.</p> + +<p>"What an old fool I am!" he exclaimed. "There's something I ought to +have told you the moment you came in, and I've clean forgotten it +until now; it's good news, too! There is a lawyer wants to see you."</p> + +<p>"What about?" Julia asked; she did not seem to naturally associate a +lawyer with good news.</p> + +<p>"A legacy," Johnny answered triumphantly.</p> + +<p>Julia was much astonished; she could not imagine from whence it came, +but before she asked she made the business-like inquiry, "How much?"</p> + +<p>"Not a great deal, I'm afraid," Mr. Gillat was obliged to say; "still, +a little's a help, you know; it may be a great help; you remember your +father's Aunt Jane?"</p> + +<p>Julia did, or rather she remembered the name. Great<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[212]</a></span>-aunt Jane was one +of the relations the Polkingtons did not use; she was not rich enough +or obliging enough to give any help, nor grand enough for +conversational purposes. She never figured in Mrs. Polkington's talk +except vaguely as "one of my husband's people in Norfolk;" this when +she was explaining that the Captain came of East Anglian stock on his +mother's side. Jane was only a step-aunt to the Captain; his mother +had married above her family, her half-sister Jane had married a +little beneath—a small farmer, in fact, whose farming had got smaller +still before he died, which was long ago. Great-aunt Jane could not +have much to leave any one, but, as Mr. Gillat said, anything was +better than nothing; the real surprise was why it should have been +left to Julia.</p> + +<p>She asked Johnny about it, but he could not tell her much; he really +knew very little except that there was something, and that the lawyer +wanted her address and was annoyed when her relations could not give +it. Indeed, even went so far as to think they would not, and that it +would be his duty to take steps unless she was forthcoming soon.</p> + +<p>"I had better go to his office to-morrow," Julia said; "I suppose you +know where it is?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat did, and they arranged how they would go to-morrow, Johnny, +who was to wait outside, solely for the pleasure and excitement of the +expedition. After that they talked about the legacy and its probable +amount for some time.</p> + +<p>"I suppose no other benefactor came inquiring for me while I was +away?" Julia said, after she had, to please Johnny and not her +practical self, built several air castles with the legacy.</p> + +<p>"No," Mr. Gillat said regretfully, "I'm afraid not; no<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[213]</a></span> one else asked +for you. At least, some one did; a Mr. Rawson-Clew came here for your +address."</p> + +<p>"Did he though?" Julia asked; "Did he, indeed? What did he want it +for?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I don't know," Johnny was obliged to say; "I don't know that he +gave any reason exactly; he said he had met you in Holland. I thought +he was a friend of yours, he seemed to know a good deal about you."</p> + +<p>"He was a friend," Julia said; "that was quite right. And so he came +for my address. When was this?"</p> + +<p>Johnny gave the approximate date, and Julia asked: "Why did he come to +you?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat did not quite know unless it was because he had failed +elsewhere. "But he really came to see your father," he said.</p> + +<p>"Did he see him?" Julia inquired.</p> + +<p>"No, he was out. To tell the truth, I don't believe your father ever +knew he came," Johnny confessed; "I meant to tell him, of course, but +he was late home that day, and when he came he was—was—well, you +know, he couldn't—it didn't seem—"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Julia, coming to the rescue, "he was drunk and could not +understand, and afterwards you forgot it; it does not matter; indeed, +it is better so; I am glad of it."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat was fumbling in his shabby letter-case; he took out a card; +it bore Rawson-Clew's name and address of a London club.</p> + +<p>"He gave me this," he said, "and told me to let him know if I heard +from you, if you were in any trouble, or anything—if I thought you +were."</p> + +<p>Julia held out her hand. "You had better give it to me," she said; +"I'll let him know all that is necessary. Thank you;" and she put the +card away.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[214]</a></span></p> + +<p>Soon after she went to her room, for it was growing late. But she did +not hurry over undressing; indeed, when she sat down to take off her +stockings, she paused with one in her hand, thinking of Rawson-Clew. +So he had tried to find out where she was; he did not then accept her +answer as final; he was bent on seeing that she came to no harm +through him—honourable, certainly, and like him. He had come to +Berwick Street and nearly seen her father—drunk; quite seen Mr. +Gillat, in the first floor sitting-room certainly, but no doubt shabby +and not very wise as usual. She was not ashamed; though for a moment +she had been glad he had missed her father; now she told herself it +did not matter either way. He knew what she was and what her people +were; what did it matter if he realised it a little more? They were +not of his sort, it was no good pretending for a moment that they +were. His sort! She laughed silently at the thought. The girls of his +sort eating steak and onions in a back bedroom with Johnny Gillat! +Caring for Johnny as she cared, liking to sit with him in the pokey +little room while he smoked Dutch cigars; not doing it out of kindness +of heart and charity, but finding personal pleasure in it and a sense +of home-coming! If Rawson-Clew had come that evening while they were +at supper, or while she cured the smoky fire or mended the blind, or +while they sipped black coffee out of earthenware breakfast-cups and +talked of her father's delinquencies! It would not have mattered; he +knew she was of the stoke-hole—she had told him so—and not like the +accomplished girls whom he usually met—who could not have got him the +explosive!</p> + +<p>She dropped her stocking to take the wide-necked bottle in her hands, +deciding now how best to send it. It must go by post, in a good-sized +wooden box, tightly packed, with a great deal of damp straw and wool; +it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[215]</a></span> ought to be safe that way. She would send it to the club address, +it was fortunate she had it; but not yet, not until her own plans were +clearer. It was just possible he might suspect her; it was hardly +likely, but it was always as well to provide against remote +contingencies, for if he tried and succeeded in verifying the +suspicion everything would be spoiled. He had made sensible efforts to +find her before, he might make equally sensible and more successful +ones again, unless she left a way of escape clear for herself. +Accordingly, so she determined, the explosive should not go yet, +thought it had better be packed ready. She would get a box and packing +to-morrow; to-night she could only copy the formula. She did this, +printing it carefully on a strip of paper which she put on the bottle +and coated with wax from her candle. She knew Herr Van de Greutz waxed +labels sometimes to preserve them from the damp, so she felt sure the +formula would be safe however wet she might make the packing.</p> + +<p>The next day she went to the lawyer's office and heard all about the +legacy and what she must do to prove her own identity and claim it. +Mr. Gillat waited outside, pacing up and down the street, striving so +hard to look casual that he aroused the suspicions of a not too acute +policeman. The official was reassured, however, when Julia came out of +the office and carried Johnny away to hear about the legacy.</p> + +<p>"It is more than I thought," she said, before they were half down the +street. "Fifty pounds a year, a small house—not much more than a +cottage—and a garden and field; that's about what it comes to. The +house is not worth much; it is in an unget-at-able part of Norfolk, in +the sandy district towards the sea—the man spoke as if I knew where +that was, but I don't—and the garden and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[216]</a></span> field are not fertile. I +don't suppose one could let the place, but one could live in it, if +one wanted to."</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes," Johnny said, "of course; you will have your own estate to +retire to; quite an heiress—your mother will be pleased."</p> + +<p>Julia could well imagine what skilful use her mother could make of the +legacy; it would figure beautifully in conversation; no doubt Johnny +was really thinking of this also, though he did not know it, for +actually the thing would not commend itself to Mrs. Polkington so +highly as a lump sum of money would have done.</p> + +<p>"Why do you think Great-aunt Jane let it to me?" Julia asked. "Because +I went out to work! It seems that father and we three girls are the +nearest relations she had, and though we knew nothing about her, she +made inquiries about us from time to time. When she heard I had gone +abroad as companion or lady-help, she said she should leave all she +had to me because I was the only one who even tried to do any honest +work. You know that is not really strictly fair, because I did not +altogether go with the idea of doing honest work; although, certainly, +when I got there I did it."</p> + +<p>Johnny did not quite follow this last, but it did not matter, the only +thing that concerned him—or Julia much, either—was the fact that she +was the possessor of £50 a year, a cottage, a garden, and a field. +Johnny revelled in the idea and talked of what she was going to do +right up to the time that he saw her into the train at Paddington. The +only thing that put an end to his talking was the guard requesting him +to stand away from the carriage door and Julia admonished him to leave +go of the handle before the engine started. Julia herself did not talk +so much of what she would do because she did not know; she felt, until +she got home and saw how things were there,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[217]</a></span> it was no good even to +plan how and when to spend. Five pounds she did spend; it was really +her saving accumulated by economy in Holland, but she reckoned it as +drawn from her estate. Johnny found it in an envelope when he returned +to the back bedroom, and with it a note to say that it was in part +payment of Captain Polkington's debts, for which, of course, his +family were responsible; "and if you make a fuss about it," the letter +concluded, dropping the business-like style, "I shall trim 'Bouquet' +to stink next time you come to Marbridge, and not come and sit with +you."</p> + +<p>I think Johnny sat down and wept over that letter; but then he was +rather a silly old man and he had not had a good meal, except last +night's steak and onions, for a fortnight.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[218]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV</h2> + +<h3>THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN</h3> +<p>The great Polkington campaign was over and it had failed. Mrs. +Polkington and Chèrie cheered each other with assurances of a contrary +nature as long as they could, but for all that it had really failed +and they knew it. There had been some small successes by the way; they +had received a little recognition in superior places, and a few, a +very few, invitations of a superior order at the cost, of course, of +refusing and so offending some old friends and acquaintances. It might +perhaps have been possible to achieve the position at which Mrs. +Polkington aimed in the course of time, or a very long time; society +in the country moves slowly, and she could not afford to wait +indefinitely; her financial ability was not equal to it. Moreover, +there came into her affairs, not exactly a crash, but something so +unpleasantly like a full stop that she and Chèrie could not fail to +perceive it. This occurred on the day when they heard of Mr. Harding's +engagement. Mr. Harding was the eligible bachelor addition to county +society whose advent had materially assisted in giving definite form +to Mrs. Polkington's ambition. He had helped to feed it, too, during +the late summer and early autumn, for he had been friendly, though +Chèrie was forced to admit that his attentions to her had not been +very marked. But now the news was abroad that he was engaged to a girl +in his own circle;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[219]</a></span> one whose mother had not yet extended any greater +recognition to Mrs. Polkington than an invitation to a Primrose League +Fête.</p> + +<p>This news was abroad in the middle of October, and there was a certain +amount of unholy satisfaction in Marbridge. Some of the old friends +and acquaintances who Mrs. Polkington had offended, recognised the +Christian duty of forgiveness, and called upon her—to see how she +bore up. The Grayson girls, whose dance Chèrie had refused at the +beginning of the month, came to see her. But they put off their call a +day to suit some theatrical rehearsal; by which means they lost the +entertainment they promised themselves, for by the time they did come +Chèrie was ready for them and, with appropriate shyness, let it be +known that she herself was engaged to Mr. Brendon Smith.</p> + +<p>At this piece of information the girls looked at one another, and +neither of them could think of anything smart to say. Afterwards they +told each other and their friends that it was "quick work," and "like +those Polkingtons." But at the time they could only offer suitable +congratulations to Chèrie, who received them and carried off the +situation with a charming mingling of assurance and graciousness, +which was worthy of her mother.</p> + +<p>But the Graysons were right in saying it was quick work; late one +afternoon Chèrie heard of Mr. Harding's engagement; during the evening +she and her mother recognised their failure; in the night she saw that +Mr. Brendon Smith was her one chance of dignified withdrawal, and +before the next evening she had promised to marry him.</p> + +<p>There were some people in Marbridge who pitied Mr. Smith (only the +Polkingtons put in the Brendon), but he did not need much pity, for +the good reason that he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[220]</a></span> knew very well what he was doing and how it +was that his proposals came to be accepted. He was fond of Chèrie, and +appreciated both her beauty and her several valuable qualities; but he +had no illusions about her or her family, and he knew, when he made +it, that his proposal would be accepted to cover a retreat. He was not +at all a humble and diffident individual, but he did not mind being +taken on these terms; he even saw some advantage in it in dealing with +the Polkingtons. If there was any mistake in the matter it was Chèrie +when she said "Yes" to his suggestion, "Don't you think you'd better +marry me?" She probably did not know how completely she was getting +herself a master.</p> + +<p>It was not a grand engagement; Mrs. Polkington could not pretend that +her son-in-law elect had aristocratic or influential connections; she +said so frankly—and her frankness, which was overstrained, was one of +her most engaging characteristics.</p> + +<p>"It is no use pretending that I should not have been more pleased if +he had been better connected," she said to those old friends and +acquaintances whose Christianity led them to call. "I share your +opinion, dear Mrs. ——" (the name varied according to circumstances) +"about the value of birth; but one can't have everything; he is a most +able man, and really charming. It is such a good thing that he is so +much older than Chèrie; I always felt she needed an older man to guide +and care for her—he is positively devoted to her; you know, the +devotion of a man of that age is such a different thing from a boy's +affection."</p> + +<p>After that the visitor could not reasonably do anything but inquire if +Mr. Smith was going to throw up the South African post which all the +town knew he was about to take before his engagement.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[221]</a></span></p> + +<p>To this Mr. Polkington was obliged to answer, "No, he is going, and +going almost directly; that is my one hardship; I have got to lose +Chèrie at once, for he positively will not go without her. Of course, +it would be a thousand pities for him to throw it up, such an opening; +so very much better than he would ever have here, but it is hard to +lose my child—she seems a child to me still—almost before I have +realised that she is grown up. Their passages are taken already; they +will be married by license almost directly; there even won't be time +to get a trousseau, only the merest necessaries before the luggage has +to go."</p> + +<p>It must not be thought that the news of Mr. Harding's engagement was +the one and only thing which convinced Mrs. Polkington and Chèrie that +the great campaign had failed; it was the finishing touch, no doubt, +in that it had made Chèrie feel the necessity of being immediately +engaged to some one, but there were other things at work. Captain +Polkington had returned from London just five days before they heard +the news, and three were quite sufficient to show his wife and +daughter that he was considerably the worse for his stay in town. +Bills too, had been coming in of late; not inoffensive, negligible +bills such as they were very well used to, but threatening insistent +bills, one even accompanied by a lawyer's letter. Then, to crown all, +Captain Polkington had a fit of virtue and repentance on the second +day after his return. It was not of long duration, and was, no doubt, +partly physical, and not unconnected with the effects of his decline +from the paths of temperance. But while it lasted, he read some of the +bills and talked about the way ruin stared him in the face and the +need there was for retrenchment, turning over a new leaf, facing facts +and kindred things. Also, which was more important, he wrote to his +wife's banker<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[222]</a></span> brother—he who had been instrumental in getting the +papers sent in years ago. To this influential person he said a good +deal about the state of the family finances, the need there was for +clearing matters up and starting on a better basis, and his own +determination to face things fairly and set to work in earnest. What +kind of work was not mentioned; apparently that had nothing to do with +the Captain's resolution; there was one thing, however, that was +mentioned definitely—the need for the banker brother's advice—and +pecuniary assistance. The answer to this letter was received on the +same day as the news of Mr. Harding's engagement. It came in the +evening, later than the news, and it was addressed to Mrs. Polkington, +not the Captain; it assisted her in recognising that the end of the +campaign had arrived. It said several unpleasant things, and it said +them plainly; not the most pleasant to the reader was the announcement +that the writer would himself come to Marbridge to look into matters +one day that week or the next. Under these circumstances it is not +perhaps so surprising that Chèrie found it advisable to accept Mr. +Brendon Smith's offer of marriage, and Mrs. Polkington found the +impossibility of getting a trousseau in time no very great +disadvantage.</p> + +<p>When Julia came home it wanted but a short time to Chèrie's wedding. A +great deal seemed to have happened since she went away, not only to +her family, but, and that was less obviously correct, to herself. She +stood in the drawing-room on the morning after her return and looked +round her and felt that somehow she had travelled a long way from her +old point of view. The room was very untidy; it had not been used, and +so, in accordance with the Polkington custom, not been set tidy for +two days; dust lay thick on everything; there were dead leaves in the +vases, cigarette ash on the table, no coals on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[223]</a></span> half-laid fire. In +the merciless morning light Julia saw all the deficiencies; the way +things were set best side foremost, though, to her, the worst side +contrived still to show; the display there was everywhere, the +trumpery silver ornaments, all tarnished for want of rubbing, and of +no more intrinsic value and beauty than the tinfoil off champagne +bottles; the cracked pieces of china—rummage sale relics, she called +them—set forth in a glass-doored cabinet, as if they were heirlooms. +Mrs. Polkington had a romance about several of them that made them +seem like heirlooms to her friends and almost to herself. The whole, +as Julia looked around, struck her as shoddy and vulgar in its +unreality.</p> + +<p>"I'm not coming back to it, no, I'm not," she said, half aloud; "the +corduroy and onions would be a great deal better."</p> + +<p>Chèrie passed the open door at that minute and half heard her. "What +did you say?" she asked.</p> + +<p>Julia looked round. "Nothing," she answered, "only that I am not +coming back to this sort of life."</p> + +<p>"To Marbridge?" Chèrie asked, "or to the house? If it is the house you +mean, you need not trouble about that; there isn't much chance of your +being able to go on living here; you will have to move into something +less expensive. I am sure Uncle William will insist on it. There is +more room than you will want here after I am gone, and as for +appearance and society, there won't be much object in keeping that +up."</p> + +<p>Julia laughed. "You don't think I am a sufficiently marketable +commodity to be worth much outlay?" she said. "You are quite right; +besides, it is just that which I mean; I have come to the conclusion +that I don't admire the way we live here."</p> + +<p>"So have I," Chèrie answered; "no one in their senses<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[224]</a></span> would; but it +was the best we could do in the circumstances and before you grumble +at it you had better be sure you don't get something worse."</p> + +<p>Julia did not think she should do that, and Chèrie seeing it went on, +"Oh, of course you have got £50 a year, I know, but you can't live on +that; besides, I expect Uncle William will want you to do something +else with it."</p> + +<p>"I shall do what I please," Julia replied, and Chèrie never doubted +it; she would have done no less herself had she been the fortunate +legatee, Uncle William or twenty Uncle Williams notwithstanding.</p> + +<p>This important relative had not been to Marbridge yet, in spite of +what he wrote to his sister; he had not been able to get away. Indeed, +he was not able to do so until the day after Chèrie's wedding. Mrs. +Polkington was in a happy and contented frame of mind; the quiet +wedding had gone off quite as well as Violet's grander one—really, a +quiet wedding is more effective than a smart one in the dull time of +year, and always, of course, less expensive. Chèrie had looked lovely +in simple dress, and the presents, considering the quietness and +haste, were surprisingly numerous and handsome. Mr. Smith was liked +and respected by a wide circle. Mrs. Polkington felt satisfied and +also very pleased to have Violet, her favourite daughter, with her +again. She and Violet were talking over the events of the day with +mutual congratulation, when Mr. William Ponsonby was announced.</p> + +<p>Fortunately, Violet's husband, Mr. Frazer, had gone to see his old +friend the vicar, and more fortunately still, he was persuaded to stay +and dine with him. It would have been rather awkward to have had him +present at the display of family washing which took place that +evening. Mr. Ponsonby did not mince matters; he said, perhaps<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[225]</a></span> not +altogether without justice, that he had had about enough of the +Polkingtons. He also said he wanted the truth, and seeing that his +sister had long ago found that about her own concerns so very +unattractive that she never dealt with it naked; it did not show +beautiful now. In the course of time, however, he got it, or near +enough for working purposes. Out came all the bills, and out came the +threatening letter and old account books and remembered debts both of +times past and present; and when he had got them all, he added them +up, showed Mrs. Polkington the total, and asked her what she was going +to do.</p> + +<p>She said she did not know; privately she felt there was no need for +her to consider the question; was it not the one her self-invited +brother had come to answer? He did answer it, almost as soon as he +asked it.</p> + +<p>"You will have to leave this house," he said, "sell what you can of +its contents and pay all that is possible of your debts. You won't be +able to pay many with that; the rest I shall have to arrange about, I +suppose. Oh, not pay; don't think that for a moment; I've paid a deal +more than I ought for you long ago. I mean to see the people and +arrange that you pay by degrees; you will have to devote most of your +income to that for a time. What will you live on in the meanwhile? +This legacy—it is you who have got it, isn't it?" he said, turning to +Julia; "I thought so. Fortunately the money is not in any way tied up, +you can get at the principal. Well, the best thing to be done is to +buy a good boarding-house. You could make a boarding-house pay, +Caroline," he went on to his sister, "if you tried; your social gifts +would be some use there—you will have to try."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington looked a little dismayed, and Violet said, "It would +be rather degrading, wouldn't it?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[226]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Not so degrading as being sued at the county court," her uncle +returned.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington felt there was truth in that, and, accustoming herself +to a new idea with her usual rapidity, she even began to see that the +alternative offered need not be so very unpleasant. Indeed, when she +came to think about it, it might be almost pleasant if the +boarding-house were very select; there would be society of a kind, +perhaps of a superior kind, even; she need not lose prestige and she +could still shine, and without such tremendous effort.</p> + +<p>But her reflections were interrupted by the Captain.</p> + +<p>"And what part have I in this scheme?" he asked.</p> + +<p>His brother-in-law, to whom the question was addressed, considered a +moment. "Well, I really don't know," he said at last; "of course you +would live in the house."</p> + +<p>"A burden on my wife and daughter! Idle, useless, not wanted!"</p> + +<p>The banker had no desire to hurt Captain Polkington's feelings, but he +saw no reason why he should not hear the truth—that he had long been +all these things; idle, useless, unwanted, a burden not only to his +wife and daughters, but also to all relations and connections who +allowed themselves to be burdened. But the Captain's feelings were +hurt; he was surprised and injured, though convinced of little besides +the hardness of fate and the fact that his brother-in-law +misunderstood him. He turned to his wife for support, and she +supported, corroborating both what he said and what her brother did +too, though they were diametrically opposed. It looked rather as if +the discussion were going to wander off into side issues, but Julia +brought it back by inquiring of her uncle<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[227]</a></span>—</p> + +<p>"What part have I in this scheme?"</p> + +<p>"You will help your mother," he answered, "and of course the concern +will be nominally yours; that is to say, you will put your money in +it, invest it in that instead of railways or whatever it is now in. I +shall see that the thing is properly secured."</p> + +<p>He glanced at Captain Polkington as he spoke, as if he thought he +might have designs upon the money or investment. Julia only said, "I +see," but in so soft a voice that she roused Mr. Ponsonby's +suspicions. He had dealt a good deal with men and women, and he did +not altogether like the amused observing eyes of the legatee, and he +distrusted her soft voice of seeming acquiescence.</p> + +<p>"It is of no use for you to get any nonsensical ideas," he said, +"about what you will do and won't do; this is the only thing you can +do; you have got to make a living, and you have got to pay your debts; +beggars can't be choosers. The fact is, you have all lived on charity +so long that you have got demoralised."</p> + +<p>Violet flushed. "Really," she began to say, "though you have helped us +once or twice, I don't think you have the right to insult—" but Mrs. +Polkington raised a quieting hand; she did not wish to offend her +brother.</p> + +<p>He was not offended; he only spoke his mind rather plainly to them +all, which, though it did no harm, did little good either; they were +too old in their sins to profit by that now. After some more +unpleasant talk all round, the family conclave broke up; Mr. Frazer +came home, and every one went to bed.</p> + +<p>Mr. Ponsonby had Julia's tiny room; there was nowhere else for him, +seeing Violet and her husband had the one she and her youngest sister +shared in their maiden days. Julia had to content herself with the +drawing-room sofa; it was a very uncomfortable sofa, and the blankets<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[228]</a></span> +kept slipping off so she did not sleep a great deal; but that did not +matter much; she had the more time to think things over. Dawn found +her sitting at the table wrapped in her blanket, writing by the light +of one of the piano candles; she glanced up as the first cold light +struggled in, and her face was very grave, it looked old, too, and +tired, with the weariness which accompanies renunciation, quite as +often as does peace or a sense of beatitude. She looked at the paper +before her, a completely worked-out table of expenditure, a sort of +statement of ways and means—the means being £50 a year. It could be +done; she knew that during the night when the plan took shape in her +mind; she had proved it to herself more than half-an-hour ago by +figures—but there was no margin. It could only be done by renouncing +that upon which she had set her heart; she could not work out the +scheme and pay the debt of honour to Rawson-Clew. The legacy had at +first seemed a heaven-sent gift for that purpose, but now, like the +blue daffodil, it seemed that it could not be used to pay the debt. +That was not to be paid by a heaven-sent gift any more than by a +devil-helped theft; slow, honest work and patient saving might pay it +in years, but nothing else it seemed. She put her elbows on the table +and propped her chin on her locked hands looking down at the +unanswerable figures, but they still told her the same hard truth.</p> + +<p>"I might save it in time; I could do without this—and this," she told +herself. It is so easy to do without oneself when one's mind is set on +some purpose, but one has no right to expect others to do without, +too—the whole thing would be no good if the others had to; she knew +that. No, the debt could not be paid this way; she had no right to do +it; it was her own fancy, her hobby, perhaps. No one demanded that it +should be paid; law did<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[229]</a></span> not compel it; Rawson-Clew did not expect it; +her father considered that it no longer existed; it was to please +herself and herself alone that she would pay it, and her pleasure must +wait.</p> + +<p>Possibly she did not reason quite all this; she only knew that she +could not do what she had set her heart on doing with the first of +Aunt Jane's money, and the renunciation cost her much, and gave her no +satisfaction at all. But the matter once decided, she put it at the +back of her mind, and by breakfast time she was her usual self; to +tell the truth, she was looking forward to a skirmish with Uncle +William, and that cheered her.</p> + +<p>After breakfast she led Mr. Ponsonby to the drawing-room, and he came +not altogether unprepared for objections; he had half feared them last +night.</p> + +<p>"Uncle William," she said. "I have been thinking over your plan, and I +don't think I quite like it."</p> + +<p>"I dare say not," her uncle answered; "I can believe it; but that's +neither here nor there, as I said last night, beggars can't be +choosers."</p> + +<p>Julia did not, as Violet had, resent this; she was the one member of +the family who was not a beggar, and she knew perfectly well she could +be a chooser. She sat down. "Perhaps I had better say just what I +mean," she said pleasantly; "I am not going to do it."</p> + +<p>"Not going to?" Mr. Ponsonby repeated indignantly. "Don't talk +nonsense; you have got to, there's nothing else open to you; I'm not +going to keep you all, feed, clothe and house you, and pay your debts +into the bargain!"</p> + +<p>"No," said Julia; "no, naturally not; I did not think of that."</p> + +<p>"What did you think of, then?" her uncle demanded; he remembered that +she had the nominal disposal of her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[230]</a></span> own money, and though her +objections were ridiculous, even impertinent in the family +circumstances, they might be awkward. "What do you object to? I +suppose you don't like the idea of paying debts; none of you seem to."</p> + +<p>"No," Julia answered; "it isn't that; of course the debts must be paid +in the way you say, it is the only way."</p> + +<p>"I am glad you think so," the banker said sarcastically; "though I may +as well tell you, young lady, that it would still be done even without +your approval. What is it you don't like, spending your money for +other people?"</p> + +<p>Julia smiled a little. "We may as well call it that," she said; "I +don't like the boarding-house investment."</p> + +<p>"What do you like? Seeing your parents go to the poorhouse? That's +what will happen."</p> + +<p>"No, they can come and live with me. I have got a large cottage, a +garden, a field, and £50 a year. If we keep pigs and poultry, and grow +things in the garden we can live in the cottage on the £50 a year till +the debts are all paid off; after that, of course, we should have +enough to be pretty comfortable. We need not keep a servant there, or +regard appearances or humbug—it would be very cheap."</p> + +<p>"And nasty," her uncle added. He was not impressed with the wisdom of +this scheme; indeed he did not seriously contemplate it as possible. +"You are talking nonsense," he said; "absurd, childish nonsense; you +don't know anything about it; you have no idea what life in a cottage +means; the drudgery of cooking and scrubbing and so on; the doing +without society and the things you are used to; as for pigs and +gardening, why, you don't know how to dig a hole or grow a cabbage!"</p> + +<p>But he was not quite right; Julia had learnt something about drudgery +in Holland, something about growing things, at least in theory, and so +much about doing with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[231]</a></span>out the society to which she was used at home +that she had absolutely no desire for it left. She made as much of +this plan to Mr. Ponsonby as was possible and desirable; enough, at +all events, to convince him that she had thought out her plan in every +detail and was very bent on it.</p> + +<p>"I suppose the utter selfishness of this idea of yours has not struck +you," he said at last. "You may think you would like this kind of +life, though you wouldn't if you tried it, but how about your mother?"</p> + +<p>"She won't like it," Julia admitted; "but then, on the other hand, +there is father. I suppose you know he has taken to drink lately and +at all times gambled as much as he could. What do you think would +become of him in a boarding-house in some fashionable place, with +nothing to do, and any amount of opportunity?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Ponsonby did not feel able or willing to discuss the Captain's +delinquencies with his daughter; his only answer was, "What will +become of your mother keeping pigs and poultry and living in an +isolated cottage? It would be social extinction for her."</p> + +<p>"The boarding-house would be moral extinction for father."</p> + +<p>Mr. Ponsonby grew impatient. "I suppose you think," he said irritably, +"that you have reduced it to this—the sacrifice of one parent or the +other. You have no business to think about such things; but if you +had, to which do you owe the most duty? Who has done the most for +you?"</p> + +<p>"Well," Julia answered slowly, "I'm not sure I am considering duty +only; people who don't pay their debts are not always great at duty, +you know. Perhaps it is really inclination with me. Father is fonder +of me than mother is; I have never been much of a social success. +Mother<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[232]</a></span> did not find me such good material to work upon, so naturally +she rather dropped me for the ones who were good material. I admire +mother the more, but I am sorrier for father, because he can't take +care of himself, and has no consolation left; it serves him right, of +course, but it must be very uncomfortable all the same. Do you see?"</p> + +<p>"No, I don't," her uncle answered shortly; "I am old-fashioned enough +to think sons and daughters ought to do their duty to their parents, +not analyse them in this way." He forgot that he had in a measure +invited this analysis, and Julia did not remind him, although no doubt +she was aware of it.</p> + +<p>"I should like to do my duty to them both," she said; "and I believe I +will do it best by going to the cottage. Father would get to be a +great nuisance to mother at the boarding-house after a time, almost as +bad as the pigs and poultry at the cottage. Also, if we had the +boarding-house, father's moral extinction would be complete, but if we +lived at the cottage mother's social one would not; she could go and +stay with Violet and other people the worst part of the time, while we +were shortest of money. Besides all that, there are two other things; +I like the cottage best myself, and I believe it to be the best—I +know the sort of living life we should live at a boarding-house—and +then there is Johnny Gillat."</p> + +<p>Mr. Ponsonby had no recollection of who Johnny Gillat was, and he did +not trouble to ask; Julia's other reason was the one he seized upon. +"You like it!" he said; "yes, now we have come to the truth; the +person you are considering is yourself; I knew that all along; you +need not have troubled to wrap it up in all these grand +reasons—consideration for your father, and so on!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[233]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, but think how much better it sounded!" Julia said, with twinkling +eyes.</p> + +<p>Mr. Ponsonby did not see the twinkle; he read Julia a lecture on +selfishness and ended up by saying, "You are utterly selfish and +ingrain lazy, that's what you are; you don't want to do a stroke of +honest work for any one."</p> + +<p>"Dishonest work is where I shine," Julia told him. "Oh, not +scoundrelly dishonesty, company promoting, and so on," (Mr. Ponsonby +was on several boards of directors, but he was not a company promoter, +still he snorted a little) "I mean real dishonest work; with a little +practice I would make such a thief as you do not meet every day in the +week."</p> + +<p>"I can quite believe it," her uncle retorted grimly; "lazy people +generally do take to lying and stealing and, as I say, lazy is what +you are. Sooner than work for your living, you go and pig in a +cottage, because you think that way you can do nothing all day; lead +an idle life."</p> + +<p>"Yes," Julia agreed sweetly; "I think that must be my reason—a nice +comfortable idle life with the pigs and poultry, and garden, and +cooking, and scrubbing, and two incompetent old men. I really think +you must be right."</p> + +<p>Here it must be recorded, Mr. Ponsonby very nearly lost his temper, +and not without justification. Was he not giving time and +consideration and (probably) money to help this hopeless family on to +its legs again? And was it not more than mortal middle-aged man could +bear, not only to be opposed by the only member with any means, but +also to be made sly fun of by her? He gave Julia his opinion very +sharply, and no doubt she deserved it. But the worst of it was that +did not prevent her from exercising the right of the person who is not +a beggar to choose.</p> + +<p>The Polkington family, who were soon afterwards<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[234]</a></span> called in to assist +at the discussion, sided with Mr. Ponsonby. Violet and Mrs. Polkington +with great decision, the Captain more weakly. Eventually he was won +over to Julia because her scheme seemed to hold a place for him where +he could flatter himself he was wanted. The argument went on and +angrily, on the part of some present; Julia was most amiable; but, as +the Van Heigens had found, she was an extremely awkward antagonist, +the more amiable, the more awkward, even in a weak position, as with +them, and in a strong one, as now, she was a great deal worse. Mr. +Ponsonby lost the train he meant to catch back to London; he did not +do it only for the benefit of his sister, but also because Julia had +given battle and he was not going to retire from the field. Violet and +Mr. Frazer deliberately postponed the hour of their departure; Violet +was determined not to leave things in this condition; Julia's plan, +she considered a disgrace to the whole family. Mr. Frazer was asked +not to come to the family council; Violet explained to him that they +were having trouble with Julia; she would tell him all about it +afterwards, but it distressed her mother so much that it would perhaps +be kinder if he was not there at the time. Mr. Frazer quite agreed; he +shared some of his wife's sentiments about appearances; also he had no +wish to be distressed either in mind or tastes.</p> + +<p>Violet did tell him about it afterwards; a curtailed and selected +version, but one eminently suitable to the purpose. On hearing it he +was justly angry with Julia's heartless selfishness in keeping her +legacy to herself. He was also shocked at her determination to go and +live a farm labourer's life in a farm labourer's cottage. He was truly +sorry for Mrs. Polkington, between whom and himself there existed a +mutual affection and admiration. He said it was bitterly hard that her +one remaining daughter should<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[235]</a></span> treat her thus; that it was +barbarous, impossible, that a woman of her age, tastes, refinement and +gifts should be compelled to lead such a life as was proposed. In fact +he could not and would not permit it; he hoped that she would make her +home at his rectory; nay, he insisted upon it; both Violet and himself +would not take a refusal; she must and should come to them.</p> + +<p class="center"><a name="A_wonderful_woman" id="A_wonderful_woman"></a><img class="img1" src="images/image_04.jpg" alt=""A wonderful woman"" width="400" height="600" /><br /> +<span class="caption">"A wonderful woman"</span></p> + +<p>Julia smiled her approval; when things were worked up to this end; she +would have liked to clap her applause, it was so well done. Mrs. +Polkington and Violet were so admirable, they were already almost +convinced of all they said; in two days they would believe it quite as +much as Mr. Ponsonby did now. She did not in the least mind having to +appear as the ungrateful daughter; it fitted in so beautifully with +Violet's arrangement. And really the arrangement was very good; the +utilitarian feelings of the family did not suffer at wrenches and +splits as did more tender ones; no one would object much to an +advantageous division. And most advantageous it certainly was; the +cottage household would go better without Mrs. Polkington and she +would be far happier at the rectory. She would not make any trouble +there; rather, she would give her son-in-law cause to be glad of her +coming; there would be scope for her there, and she would possibly +develop better than she had ever had a chance of doing before.</p> + +<p>So everything was decided. The house in East Street was to be given +up, and most of its contents sold; as Julia's cottage was furnished +already with Aunt Jane's things, she need only take a few extras from +the home. The debts were to be paid as far as possible now, and the +small income was to be divided; part was to go as pin money to Mrs. +Polkington, the main part of the re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[236]</a></span>mainder to go to the debts, and a +very small modicum to come with the Captain to the cottage.</p> + +<p>Julia was quite satisfied, and let it be apparent. This, with her +obvious cheerfulness, rather incensed Violet, who regarded the sale of +their effects as rather a disgrace, and Julia's plans for the future, +as a great one.</p> + +<p>"You ought to be ashamed of yourself," she told her younger sister, +just before she left Marbridge. "I am positively ashamed to think you +belong to us. It will be nice to meet Norfolk people at the Palace or +somewhere, who have seen you tending your pigs and doing your washing. +It is such an unusual name; I can quite fancy some one being +introduced to mother and thinking it odd that her name should be the +same as some dirty cottage people."</p> + +<p>"Well," Julia suggested, "why not change it? Such a trifle as a name +surely need not stand in our way; we have got over worse things than +that. Mother can be something else, or I can; mother had better do it; +father will forget who he is if I make a change."</p> + +<p>"Don't be absurd," Violet said; "I only wish you could change it +though; I never want to write to you as Julia Polkington in case some +servant were to notice the address; one never knows how these things +come out."</p> + +<p>"Don't write as that," her sister told her; "address me as 'Julia +Snooks' or anything else you like; I am not particular."</p> + +<p>Violet did not take this as a serious suggestion; nevertheless, Julia +told Mr. Frazer on the platform at Marbridge that she and Violet had +been having a christening, and that she was now Julia Snooks. Mr. +Ponsonby said it was ridiculous, to which Julia replied—</p> + +<p>"That is what I am myself."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington said it was foolish too, but she did not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[237]</a></span> say so +vehemently; she felt that in the Frazer circle, especially at the +Palace where she would meet people from everywhere, she might possibly +come across some one who had heard of Julia. It was unlikely; still it +is a small world, and Polkington an uncommon name. "Why not choose +something simple, like 'Gray'?" she suggested.</p> + +<p>"Because," Julia answered, "that is what I am not."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>But fate had one exceedingly bitter pill for Mrs. Polkington. On the +day after Chèrie and her husband sailed for South Africa, it was known +in Marbridge that the news of Mr. Harding's engagement was false. The +girl gossip had coupled with him was engaged, it is true, and to a Mr. +Harding, but to another and entirely different bearer of the name. The +real, eligible Mr. Harding called at East Street to explain to Mrs. +Polkington how the mistake had arisen, to tell her that he himself had +been away in the north for some weeks and so had heard nothing of it. +Also to hear—and he had heard nothing of that either—that Chèrie was +married and gone.</p> + +<p>The news of Mr. Harding's freedom and his call, and what she fancied +it might have implied, did not reach Chèrie till after her arrival in +Africa. It did not tend to soothe the first weeks of married life, nor +to make easier the rigorous, but no doubt wholesome, breaking-in +process to which her husband wisely subjected her.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[238]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV</h2> + +<h3>THE GOOD COMRADE</h3> +<p>Rawson-Clew was very busy that autumn, so busy that the events which +had taken place in Holland were rather blotted out of his mind; he had +not exactly forgotten them, only among the press of other things he +did not often think about them and they soon came to take their proper +unimportant place among his recollections. Julia he thought of +occasionally, but less and less in connection with the foolish +holiday, more in connection with some chance saying or doing. Things +recalled her, a passage in a book, a sentiment she would have shared, +an opinion she would have combated. Or perhaps it was that some one he +met set him thinking of her shrewd swift judgments; some scene in +which he played a part that made him imagine her an amused spectator +of its unconscious absurdity. He had turned her thyme flowers out of +his pocket; he had no sentiment about them or her, but he did not +forget her; their acquaintance had, to a certain extent, been a thing +of mind, and in mind it seemed he occasionally came in contact with +her still. Also there is no doubt she must have been one of those +virile people who take hold, for though one could sometimes overlook +her presence, in absence one did not forget.</p> + +<p>Of herself and her doings he never heard; at first he had half thought +he might have some communication<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[239]</a></span> from Mr. Gillat, but as the autumn +went on and he heard nothing, he came to the conclusion that she +really must have arranged something satisfactorily and there was an +end to the whole affair. He settled down to his own concerns and +became very thoroughly absorbed in them, to the exclusion of nearly +everything else. For women he never had much taste, and now, being +busy and preoccupied, he got into the way of scanning them more +critically than ever when he did happen to come across them. Not +comparing them with any ideal standard, but just finding them +uninteresting, whether they were the cultivated, well-bred girls of +the country, or the smart young matrons and wide-awake maidens of the +town.</p> + +<p>That autumn the young Rawson-Clew, Captain Polkington's acquaintance, +came into a fortune and took a wife. The latter was, perhaps, on the +whole, a wise proceeding, for, though the wife in question would +undoubtedly help him in the rapid and inevitable spending of the +fortune, she was likely also to enable him to get more for his money +than if he were spending alone. Rawson-Clew was not introduced to this +lady till the winter, then, one evening, he met her at a friend's "at +home."</p> + +<p>She was very pretty, small and fair and plump, with childish blue +eyes, and an anything but childish mind behind them. She had dainty +little feet, as well shaped as any he had ever seen, and she was +perfectly dressed, her gown a diaphanous creation of melting colours +and floating softness, which suggested more than it revealed of her +person, like a nymph's drapery. She was the centre of attraction and +talked and laughed a great deal, the latter in little tinkles like a +child of five, the former from the top of her throat with the faintest +lisp and in the strange jargon that was the slang of the moment. She +knew no more of Florentine art or Wagner or Egyptology<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[240]</a></span> than Julia +did, and cared even less. She set out to be intelligently ignorant—to +be anything else was called "middle-class" in her set—and she +achieved her end, although she could do some things extremely +well—play bridge, gamble in stocks and shares and anything else, and +arrange lights and colours with the skill of an artist when a suitable +setting for her pretty self was concerned. She had all the charms of +womanly weakness without any old-fashioned and grandmotherly +narrowness; she was quite free and emancipated in mind and manners, no +man had to modify his language for her; she preferred a double meaning +to a single one, and a <i>risque</i> story to a plain one. She had an +excellent taste in dinners, a critical one in liqueurs, and a catholic +one in men.</p> + +<p>She was most gracious to Rawson-Clew when he was introduced, breaking +up her court and dismissing her admirers solely to accommodate him. +The instant she saw him, before she heard who he was, she picked him +out as the game best worthy of her prowess, and she lost no time in +addressing herself to the chase with the skill and determination of a +Diana—though that perhaps is hardly a good comparison, enthusiasm for +the chase being about the only quality she shared with the maiden +huntress.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew did not show signs of succumbing at once to her charms; +she hardly expected that he would, for she gave him credit for knowing +his own value and was not displeased thereby; where is the pleasure of +sport if the quarry be captured at the outset? But if he did not +succumb he did all that was otherwise expected of him, standing in +attendance on her and sitting by her when he was invited to the settee +she had chosen in a quiet corner. So well, indeed, did he comport +himself that by the time they parted she felt fairly satisfied with +her progress.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[241]</a></span></p> + +<p>Perhaps she would have been less satisfied if she had heard something +he said soon after. A man he knew left the house at the same time he +did and persuaded him to come to the club. On the way the little lady +came in for some discussion; the other man chiefly gave his opinion +though he once asked Rawson-Clew what he thought of his young cousin's +wife.</p> + +<p>"As a wife?" he answered; "I should not think of her. If I wanted, as +I certainly do not, the privilege of paying that kind of woman's +bills, I should not bother to marry her."</p> + +<p>The other man laughed, but if he quarrelled with anything in the +answer, it appeared to be the taste rather than the judgment. He +maintained that the lady was charming; Rawson-Clew merely said—</p> + +<p>"Think so?" and did not even trouble to defend his opinion.</p> + +<p>At the club he found a box that had come for him by parcels post. A +wooden one with the address printed on a card and nailed to the lid, +which was screwed down. It did not look particularly interesting; he +told one of the club servants to unscrew it for him. When he came to +examine the contents he found, first a lot of damp packing, and then a +wide-necked stoppered bottle, two-thirds full of white powder. It bore +a label printed neatly like the address—</p> + +<p>"Herr Van de Greutz's Explosive.</p> + +<p>"Formula as he said it...."</p> + +<p>For a moment Rawson-Clew held the bottle, staring at it in blank +astonishment; so tense was his attitude that it caught the other man's +attention.</p> + +<p>"Hullo!" he said, "some one sent you an infernal machine?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[242]</a></span></p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew roused himself. "No," he answered shortly.</p> + +<p>He put the bottle back in the box after he had felt in the packing and +found nothing, then he fastened it up with more care than was perhaps +necessary. He looked at the address on the lid, but it told him +nothing more than it had at first; neither that nor the name of the +post-office from which it was sent gave any clue to the sender. And +yet he felt as if Julia were at his elbow with that mute sympathy in +her eyes which had been there when they talked of failure in the wood +on the Dunes.</p> + +<p>He rose, and taking the box, went towards the door; the other man +watched him curiously. "One would think you had found a ghost in your +box," he said.</p> + +<p>"I'm not sure that I have not," Rawson-Clew looked back to answer; +"the ghost of a good comrade."</p> + +<p>Then he went home.</p> + +<p>When he was alone in his chambers and secure from interruption, he +opened the box again and took out all the packing, carefully sorting +it. But he found nothing, no scrap of paper, no clue of any sort; he +took off the linen rag that fastened in the bottle stopper, but that +betrayed nothing either; and yet he thought of Julia.</p> + +<p>She was the only person who could know about the explosive. It had +never been actually spoken of last summer, but the chances were she +knew. She was the only person who could have known or who could have +got it. It was like her, so like that he was as sure as if her name +were in the box that she was the sender. How she had got the stuff he +could not think, he knew the difficulties in the way; but she had done +it somehow, and now she had sent it to him, without name for fear of +embarrassing him, without clue, with no desire for thanks—loyal, +generous, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[243]</a></span>able little comrade! He looked up again; he felt as if she +were bodily present; the whole thing, astounding as he had found it at +first, was somehow so characteristic of her. And because of her +presence he suddenly wished he had not been to that evening's +entertainment and sat close by his cousin's wife and heard the things +she said, and answered the things she looked. He felt as if he were +not clean, as if he had no right to entertain even the ghost of the +good comrade.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew was not self-conscious; it never occurred to him to think +if he appeared ridiculous, whether he was alone or in company. He took +off his dress coat and flung it aside with a feeling of disgust; its +sleeve had brushed that woman's bare arm; he could almost fancy that a +suggestion of the scent she used clung to it. He put it out of sight +and fetched some other garment before he came back to the thing which +had recalled Julia. And yet the girl was no lily-child with the dew of +dawn upon her; he did not for one instant think she was; probably, had +she been, she would not have been the good comrade. The facts of life +were not strange to her, she knew them, good and bad; was not above +laughing at what was funny even if it was somewhat coarse, but she had +no taste for lascivious wallowing no matter under what name disguised. +A man could be at home with her, he could speak the truth to her; but +he would not make a point of taking her into the society of that +woman, any more than he would invite a friend to look at the sink, +unless there was some purpose to serve.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew took up the bottle and looked at it, and looked at the +address card on the lid, all over again; and there grew in his mind +the conviction that he been a remarkable and particular fool. Not +because he had taken that holiday on the Dunes, nor yet because he had +failed to get the explosive and Julia had succeeded—he be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[244]</a></span>lieved that +a man might have average intelligence and yet fail there, for he +thought she had more than average. But because he had failed to +recognise a fact that had been existent all the time—the need he had +for the good comrade. Why had he a better liking for his work than of +old? Because it was such as she would have liked, could have done +well, every now and then he fancied her there. Why did he find new +pleasure in the hours he spent reading Renaissance Italian, old +memoirs, the ripe wisdom of the late Tudors and early Stuarts? Because +he found her in the pages, saw her laugh sometimes, heard her +contradict at others; felt her, invisible and not always recognised, +at his elbow.</p> + +<p>He looked round; why should not the presence be fact instead of fancy? +He would go to Mr. Gillat and find her whereabouts; if Julia was in +England, as she probably was, seeing that the box was posted in +London, the old man would know where she was. He would go to Berwick +Street—he looked at the clock—no, not now; it was too late, or +rather too early; he would have to wait till the morning was a good +deal older.</p> + +<p>Unfortunately the carrying out of the plan did not prove very +successful. Berwick Street he found, and No. 31 he found, but not Mr. +Gillat; he was gone and had left no address. Mrs. Horn did not seem +troubled by the omission; he had paid everything before he went away, +and he practically never had any letters to be sent on; why, she +asked, should she bother after his address?</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew could not tell her why she should, nor did he give any +reason why he himself should. He went away and, reversing the order of +his previous search, went to Marbridge.</p> + +<p>But failure awaited him there, too. When he came to the Polkingtons' +house he found it empty, the blinds<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[245]</a></span> down, the steps uncleaned, and +bills announcing that it was to let in the windows. He stood and +looked at it in the grey afternoon, and for a moment he was conscious +of a feeling of desolation and disappointment which was almost absurd. +He turned away and began to make inquiries about the family. He soon +learnt all that was commonly known. They had been gone from East +Street some little time now; they must have left before the box +containing the explosive was posted. Julia had sent it to Aunt Jane's +lawyer, before she set out for the cottage, asking him to dispatch it +at a given date, and he had fulfilled her request, thinking it a +wedding present and the date specified one near the impending +ceremony. This, of course, Rawson-Clew did not find out; he found out +several things about the Polkingtons though, their debts and +difficulties, their sale and the break up of the family. He also found +out that the youngest Miss Polkington was married and the second, and +now only remaining one, had come home before the break up. As to where +the family were now, that was not quite so clear; Mrs. Polkington was +with one of her married daughters; her address was easily obtainable +and apparently considered all that any one could require, and quite +sufficient to cover the rest of the family. Captain Polkington—nobody +thought much about him—when they did, it was generally concluded he +was with his wife. As for Julia, she must have got a situation of some +sort—unless, which was unlikely, she was with her parents. +Rawson-Clew took Mrs. Polkington's address—it was all he could +get—and determined to write to her.</p> + +<p>It did occur to him to write to Julia at her sister's house and +request that his letter was forwarded; but he did not do so; he was +not at all sure she would answer; he wanted <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[246]</a></span>to see her face to face +this time. He wrote to Mrs. Polkington and asked her for Julia's +address, introducing himself as a friend met in Holland, and +explaining his reason, vaguely to be connected with that time.</p> + +<p>When Mrs. Polkington received the letter she thought it over a little; +then she showed it to Violet, and they discussed it together. At the +outset they made a mistake; they only knew of one person of the name +of Rawson-Clew—the Captain's young acquaintance; he had certainly +gone away from Marbridge last spring and so in point of time could +have met Julia in Holland, only it was not likely that he had, or that +he had become friendly with her. At least so Violet said; Mrs. +Polkington, who knew what remarkable things herself and family could +do in the way of getting to know people, was inclined to think +differently. On one point, however, they were agreed; it would be very +unpleasant to have to tell one in the position of Mr. Rawson-Clew +about Julia's present proceedings. Giving the address would be giving +the information, or something like it—one would have to +explain—"Miss Julia Snooks, White's Cottage, near Halgrave."</p> + +<p>"We can't do that," Violet said with decision.</p> + +<p>"I might say I would forward a letter, perhaps?" Mrs. Polkington +suggested.</p> + +<p>But Violet did not think that would do either. "Julia would answer +it," she said; "and that would be quite as bad; you know, she is not +in the least ashamed of herself."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Polkington did know it. "I believe you are right," she said, with +the air of one convinced against her will; "Julia has voluntarily cut +herself adrift from her own class; it would be unpleasant and +embarrassing for her as well as for other people to force her into any +connection with it again; I don't think any purpose can be served by +reopening an acquaintance with Mr. Raw<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[247]</a></span>son-Clew, we did not know him +at Marbridge"—she never forgot that his circle there did not think +her good enough to know. "I cannot imagine that it would be +advantageous for Julia to write to him or hear from him under the +present circumstances. He comes of a Norfolk family, too (Mrs. +Polkington always knew about people's families even when she did not +know them personally; it was the sort of information that interested +her); I don't know what part of the county his people belong to, very +likely nowhere near Julia; but supposing it were near enough for him +to know from the address what kind of a place Julia was in, it really +might be so awkward; we ought to be very careful for dear Richard's +sake, especially seeing his connection with the Palace. I really think +it would be wiser as you say, to be on the safe side."</p> + +<p>So she kept on that side, which, being, interpreted meant leaving +Rawson-Clew's information much where it was before. She wrote very +nicely, somewhat involved, not at all baldly; but reduced to plain +terms her letter came to this—she was not going to tell Julia's +address or anything about her.</p> + +<p>So Rawson-Clew read it, and very angry he was. And the worst of all +was that on the same night that he received this letter, he also +received orders to go at once to Constantinople. He had no time for +anything and no choice but to go and leave the search. But during his +journey across Europe an idea came to him with the suddenness of an +inspiration. He knew what Julia had done—she had "retired," even as +she had said she hoped to on the first day they walked together. She +had retired somewhere from shams and hypocrisy, from society and her +family; possibly even she had adopted the corduroy and onions part of +the ambition; if so, that would ex<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[248]</a></span>plain her mother's refusal, based +on some kind of pride, to give her address. She had retired, and she +had taken Johnny Gillat with her, and her own people had washed their +hands of her! He knew now what to look for when he should come back. +He might not be back for two months or even three, but when he did +come he would be able to find Julia and talk to her about the +explosive—and other things.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It may be here said that the wonderful explosive did not do what was +expected of it, either in England or Holland, for it was found to +decompose on keeping. It did everything else that was boasted of it, +but no one succeeded in keeping it more than fifteen months, an +irremediate defect in an explosive for military purposes. This, of +course, was not discovered at first, and the honour and glory of +obtaining the specimen was considerable, if only there had been some +one to take it. Rawson-Clew did not consider himself the person.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[249]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI</h2> + +<h3>THE SIMPLE LIFE</h3> +<p>Julia was collecting fir-cones. All around her the land lay brown and +still; dead heather, and sometimes dead bracken, a shade paler, and, +more rarely, gorse bushes, nearly brown, too, in their sober winter +dress. It was almost flat, a wonderful illimitable place, very remote, +very silent, unbroken except for occasional pine-trees. These were not +scattered but grew in clumps, miles apart, though looking near in this +place of distances, and also in a belt not more than five or six trees +wide, winding mile after mile like a black band over the plain. Julia +stood on the edge of this belt now, gathering the dropped cones and +putting them into a sack. The afternoon was advanced and already it +was beginning to grow dark among the trees, but she determined not to +go till she had got all she could carry. It was the first time she had +been to collect cones; she had sent her father once and Mr. Gillat +once. They had taken longer and gathered less than she, but it was not +on that account that she had gone herself to-day. Rather it was +because she wanted to go to the dark belt of trees which she saw every +day from her window, and because she wanted to go right out into the +wide open land and see what it looked like and feel what it felt like. +And when she got there she found it, like the Dunes, all she had +expected and more.</p> + +<p>At last she had her sack full, and, shouldering it, carried it off on +her back, which, seeing the comfort of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[250]</a></span> arrangement, must be the +way Nature intended weights to be carried. Clear of the shadow of the +trees it was lighter; the grey sky held the light long; twilight +seemed to creep up from the ground rather than fall from above, as if +darkness were an earth-born thing that gained slowly, and, for a time, +only upon the brighter gift of Heaven. It was quieter, too, out here, +for under the pines, though the weather was still, there was a +breathing moan as if the trees sighed incessantly in their sleep. But +out here in the brown land it was very quiet; the air light and dry +and keen, with the flavour of the not distant sea mingled with the +smell of the pines and the dead ferns—a thing to stir the pulse and +revive the memory of the divine inheritance and the old belief that +man is but a little lower than the angels, related to the infinite and +god-like.</p> + +<p>White's Cottage stood where the heath-land ceased and the sand began. +There was much sand; tradition said it had gradually overwhelmed a +village that lay beyond; indeed, that White's Cottage was the last and +most distant house of the lost place. Be that as it may, it certainly +was very solitary, rather far from the village of Halgrave, with no +road leading to it except the track that came from Halgrave and +stopped at the cottage gate—there was nowhere to go beyond.</p> + +<p>Dusk had almost deepened to darkness when Julia reached the house; it +gleamed curiously in the half light, for it was built of flints, for +the most part grey, but with a paler one here and there catching the +light. She put her sack of cones in one of the several sheds which +were built on the sides of the cottage, and which, being of the same +flint material, made it look larger than it was. Then she went into +the kitchen.</p> + +<p>Johnny Gillat was there before her; he had been busy in the garden all +the afternoon, but, with the help of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[251]</a></span> field-glasses which he had +not been allowed to sell, he had descried her coming across the open +land. As soon as he was sure of her, and while she was still a good +way off, he hurried away his tools into the house to get ready. He +wanted it all to look to her as it had to him on the day when he came +back from cone-getting—the fire blazing, the tea ready, the kitchen +snug and neat; very unlike the dining-room at Marbridge with the one +gas jet burning and "Bouquet" alight. Of course Johnny did not quite +succeed; he never did in matters small or great, but he did his best. +The dinner things, which Captain Polkington was to have washed, were +not done, and still about. They had to be put in the back kitchen, and +Johnny, who had no idea of saving labour, took so long carrying them +away, that he hardly had time to set the tea. He had meant to make +some toast, but there was no time for that; the first piece of bread +had no more than begun to get warm when he heard Julia's step outside. +But the fire was blazing nicely, and that was the chief thing; even +though the putting on of the kettle had been forgotten. When Julia +came in and saw the fire and crooked tablecloth and hastily-arranged +cups, and Johnny's beaming face, she exclaimed, "How cubby it looks! +Why, you have got the tea all ready, and"—sniffing the air—"I +believe you are making toast; that is nice!"</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat beamed; then he caught sight of the kettle standing on the +hearth, and his face fell.</p> + +<p>But Julia put it on the fire. "It will give you good time to finish +the toast while it boils," she said; "toast ought not to be hurried, +you know; yours will be just right."</p> + +<p>It was not; it was rather smoky when it came to be eaten, the fire not +being very suitable; but that did not matter; Julia declared it +perfect. This was the only<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[252]</a></span> form of hypocrisy she practised in the +simple life; possibly, if she thought of the will more than the deed, +it was really not such great hypocrisy. At all events she practised +it; she did not think truth so beautiful that frail daily life must be +the better for its undiluted and uncompromising application to all +poor little tender efforts.</p> + +<p>During tea the great subject of conversation was the hen house. The +last occupant of the cottage had kept hens and all the out-buildings +were in good repair; however, a recent gale had loosened part of the +roof of this one, and Captain Polkington had been mending it. There +had not been much to do; the Captain could not do a great deal; his +faculties of work—if he ever had any—had atrophied for want of use. +Still, he thought he had done a good day's work, and, as a +consequence, was important and inclined to be exacting. That is the +reason why he had neglected the dinner things; he felt that a man who +had done all he had was entitled to some rest and consideration. Julia +did not mind in the least; if he was happy and contented, that was all +she wished; she never reckoned his help as one of the assets of the +household. For that matter, she had not reckoned Mr. Gillat's of much +value either, but there she found she was a little mistaken. Johnny +was very slow and very laborious and really ingenious in finding a +wrong way of doing things even when she thought she had left him no +choice, but he was very painstaking and persevering. He would do +anything he was told, and he took the greatest pleasure in doing it. +Whether it was digging in the garden, or feeding the pigs, or +collecting firewood, or setting the table for meals, he was certain to +do everything to the best of his ability, and was perfectly happy if +she would employ him. There can be no doubt that the coming to White's +Cottage began a time of real hap<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[253]</a></span>piness to Mr. Gillat; possibly the +happiest since his wealthy boyhood when he spent lavishly and +indiscriminately on anybody and everybody. The Captain was less happy; +his satisfaction was of an intermittent order. His discontent did not +take the form of wishing to go back to Marbridge or to join his wife, +only in feeling oppressed and misunderstood, and wishing occasionally +that he had not been born or had been born rich—and of course +remained so all his life. He was dissatisfied that evening when the +contentment begotten of his work had worn off; he wanted to go to the +market town to-morrow. Julia was going to get several necessaries for +the household; he considered that he ought to go too, but she would +not take him.</p> + +<p>"You will have a great deal to carry," he protested.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Julia agreed; "but I shall manage it."</p> + +<p>"It is not fit for you to go about alone," her father urged.</p> + +<p>She forebore to smile, though the novelty, not to say tardiness of the +idea amused her; she only said, "It would take you and Johnny too long +to walk into the town; we can't afford to spend too long on the way, +and we can't afford a cart to take us."</p> + +<p>The Captain was not convinced; he never was by any one's logic but his +own; perhaps because his own was totally different to all other kinds, +including the painful logic of facts. He sighed deeply. "It is a +strange, a humiliating condition of things," he observed to Mr. +Gillat, "when a father has to ask his daughter's permission to go into +town."</p> + +<p>Johnny rubbed the side of his chair thoughtfully, then a bright idea +occurred to him. "Ah, but," he said, "gentlemen always have to ask +ladies' permission before they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[254]</a></span> can accompany them +anywhere—especially when it is the lady of the house."</p> + +<p>A wise man might not perhaps have said this last, but Johnny did, and +as it happened, it did not much matter; before the Captain could +answer, Julia rose from the table and began to clear away.</p> + +<p>Sundry household jobs had to be done in the evening; some were always +left till then; in these short dark days it was advisable to use the +light for work out of doors. At last, however, all was done, and Julia +began to arrange for to-morrow. The Captain was sulky and sure that he +would have rheumatism and so not be able to go out. His daughter did +not seem to be greatly troubled; she told him of some easy work in the +house he could do, or if he liked and felt able, he would perhaps go +and get more fir-cones; there were plenty, and they saved other fuel. +The Captain replied that he was not in the habit of taking orders from +his children.</p> + +<p>Johnny looked unhappy; he did not like these ruffles to the tranquil +life; it always pained him for any one to be dissatisfied, with reason +or without it. When Julia turned to him he was even more ready than +usual to take orders; he would have done anything she told him from +sweeping the copper flue to calling upon the rector, but secretly he +hoped she would give him work in the garden.</p> + +<p>The garden was of considerable size, and, by some freak of nature, of +fairly good soil, though the field and most of the surrounding land +was very poor. They had all worked hard in this plot ever since their +coming; there was not much more to be done, or at least not much +planting, which was what Mr. Gillat liked. However, there had been no +sharp frosts yet and Julia, who knew his tastes, thought she could +find something to please him.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[255]</a></span> She called him to the back kitchen and +between them they brought from there a wooden case, the contents of +which she began to sort over to find an occupation suitable to him. +The box was getting rather empty now, but there was still something in +it, bulbs and seeds and printed directions, and a strange mixed smell +of greyish-brown paper and buckwheat husks and the indescribable smell +of Dutch barns.</p> + +<p>It had come from Holland, from the Van Heigens; it was Mijnheer's +present to the disgraced companion who had been so summarily +dismissed. When Julia went to the cottage, it occurred to her to write +to Mijnheer and tell him where she was, and how she meant to live a +harmless horticultural life. She had come to think that perhaps she +ought to tell him; she knew how her own words, about the way they were +thrusting a sinner down, would stay with him and his wife. They would +quite likely grow in the slow mind of the old man until he became +uneasy and unhappy about her, and blamed himself for her undoing. At +the time that she spoke she wasted the words to so grow and germinate; +but now, looking back, she could think differently; after all the Van +Heigens had only done what they thought right, and she had done what +she knew to be at least open to doubt. And they had not thrust her +down; it would take considerably more than that to do anything of the +sort; they had allowed her an opportunity which she had used to +achieve a great success. And now that it was achieved and she had left +it all behind and was settled to the simple life—her vague +ambition—her heart went out to the simple folk who had first shown +her that it might be good; who had been kind to her when there was +nothing to gain, who had made her ashamed.</p> + +<p>So she wrote to Mijnheer and told him that she had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[256]</a></span> fared well, and +found another situation in Holland after leaving his service. Also +that she had now left it and, having inherited a little property, had +come to live in a country cottage with her father. She further said +that she meant to imitate the Dutch and do her own house-work and also +grow things, vegetables especially, in her garden.</p> + +<p>And Mijnheer, when he got the letter, was delighted; so, too, was +Mevrouw; Joost said nothing. They read the letter two or three times, +showed it to the Snieders (including Denah) and to the Dutch girl who +now filled Julia's situation—more or less. They talked over it a +great deal and over Julia too; they remembered every detail about her, +her good points and her great fall. They were as delighted as they +could be to hear that she was well and happy and apparently, good. +Mijnheer especially was pleased to hear that she was with her +father—he did not know that gentleman—he was sure she would be well +looked after with him, and that, so he said, was what she wanted. So, +contrary to their theory, but not out of accord with their practice, +they forgave the sin for the sake of the sinner, and Mijnheer ordered +to be packed, seeds and bulbs and plants for Julia's garden. He +selected them himself, flowers as well as vegetables, sorts which he +thought most suitable; and he ordered Joost to stick to the bags +strips cut out of catalogues where, in stiff Dutch-English, directions +are given as to how to grow everything that can be grown. And if Joost +put in some sorts not included in his father's list, and failed to +tell the good man about it, it was no doubt all owing to his having at +one time associated with the dishonest Julia.</p> + +<p>The packing and dispatching of the box gave great pleasure to the Van +Heigens; but the receiving and un<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[257]</a></span>packing gave even greater pleasure +when at last it reached Miss Snooks at White's Cottage. Julia had not +told Mijnheer why she was Miss Snooks now and he, after grave +consideration, decided that it must be because of the legacy, and in +fulfilment of some obscure English law of property. Having so decided, +he addressed the case in good faith, and advised her of its departure.</p> + +<p>Julia and Mr. Gillat planted the things that came in the box; Julia +planted most, but Mr. Gillat enjoyed it even when he was only looking +on. There was one bulb she set when he was not there to look on, but +it did not come with the others. She chose a spot that best fulfilled +the conditions described in the directions for growing daffodils and +there, late one afternoon, she planted the bulb that she had brought +with her from the Van Heigens. Afterwards she marked the place round +and told Johnny and her father there was a choice flower there which +was not to be touched.</p> + +<p>Julia went to the market town as she had arranged. Mr. Gillat worked +in the garden; Captain Polkington watched him for a little and then +went out, after spending, as he always did, some time getting ready. +He took a basket with him; he thought of collecting fir-cones and he +objected to the sack, though it held a vast deal more; he felt +carrying it to be derogatory to a soldier and a gentleman. It is true +he did not get fir-cones that day, but he really meant to when he +started.</p> + +<p>Julia, in the meantime, did her shopping, and, having loaded herself +with as much as she could carry—more than most people could except +those Continental maids and mistresses who do their own marketing, she +started for home. It was a long walk—a long way to Halgrave and a +good bit beyond that to the cottage. She did not expect to reach the +village till dusk, but she thought very<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[258]</a></span> probably she would find her +father or Mr. Gillat there; she had suggested that one or both of them +should come to meet her and help carry the parcels the rest of the +way.</p> + +<p>Johnny fell in with the suggestion; she saw him through the twilight +before she reached the village. Her father, she concluded, was still +sulky at her refusal to have his company earlier and so would not come +now.</p> + +<p>"I suppose father would not come?" she said, as she and Mr. Gillat +walked on after a readjustment of the burden.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," Johnny answered; "it was not that; I'm sure he would have +come if he had been in when I started, but he was not back then."</p> + +<p>"Not back?" Julia repeated. "Why, where has he gone?"</p> + +<p>"Well," Johnny replied slowly, "he said he was going to get fir-cones, +but I'm not sure, I didn't see him go across the heath. Still, I dare +say he went—he took a basket, so I think he must have gone."</p> + +<p>Julia apparently did not find this very conclusive evidence. "There is +not anywhere much about here where he can go," she said; much less as +if she were stating a fact than as if she were reviewing likely and +unlikely places. "There is only the one road, and that goes to +Halgrave, and there is nowhere for him there."</p> + +<p>"No, oh, no," Johnny said; "there really is nowhere there."</p> + +<p>"There is the 'Dog and Pheasant,'" Julia went on meditatively, "but he +would not get anything he cared about there."</p> + +<p>"No," Mr. Gillat said decidedly; "besides he would not go there, he +would not sit in a small country public house and—er—and—sit +there—and so on—he would not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[259]</a></span> think of going to such a place. It is +one thing when you are out in the country for a day's fishing or +something, to have a glass of ale and a piece of bread and cheese at +an inn, but the other is quite different; he wouldn't do that—oh, no. +To sit in a little bar and—"</p> + +<p>"Booze," Julia concluded for him. "Johnny, you are always a wonder to +me; how you have contrived to live so long and yet to keep your belief +in man unspotted from the world beats me."</p> + +<p>Johnny looked uncomfortable and a little puzzled. "Well, but your +father—" he began.</p> + +<p>"My father is a man," Julia interrupted, "and I would not undertake to +say a man would not do anything—on occasions—or a woman either, for +the matter of that. There is a beast in most men, and an archangel in +lots, and a snob, and a prig, and a dormant hero, and an embryo poet. +There are great possibilities in men; you have to watch and see which +is coming out top and back that, and then half the time you are wrong. +Of course, at father's age, possibilities are getting over; one or two +things have come top and stay there."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat opened the cottage door and, not answering these +distressing generalities, fell back on his one fact. "Look," he said, +pointing to an empty peg, "he must have gone after fir-cones; you see +the basket has gone; he took it with him; I am sure he would not have +taken it to the 'Dog.'"</p> + +<p>"I believe their whisky is very bad," Julia said, and seemed to think +more of that than the argument of the basket. "I'll give him another +hour before I set out to look for him."</p> + +<p>She gave him the hour and then, in spite of Mr. Gillat's entreaties to +be allowed to go in her place, set out for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[260]</a></span>Halgrave. But she did not +have to go all the way, for she met her father coming back. And she +early discovered that, if he had not been to the "Dog and Pheasant," +he had been somewhere else where he could get whisky. They walked home +together, and she made neither comments nor inquiries; she did not +consider that evening a suitable time. The Captain was only a little +muddled and, as has been before said, a very little alcohol was +sufficient to do that; he was quite clear enough to be a good deal +relieved by his daughter's behaviour, and even thought that she +noticed nothing amiss. Indeed, by the morning, he had himself almost +come to think there was nothing to notice.</p> + +<p>But alas, for the Captain! He had never learnt to beware of those +deceptive people who bide their time and bring into domestic life the +diplomatic policy of speaking on suitable occasions only. He came +down-stairs that morning very well pleased with himself; he felt that +he had vindicated the rights of man yesterday; this conclusion was +arrived at by a rather circuitous route, but it was gratifying; it was +also gratifying to think that he had been able to enjoy himself +without being found out. But Julia soon set him right on this last +point; she did not reproach him or, as Mrs. Polkington would have +done, point out the disgrace he would bring upon them; she only told +him that it must not occur again. She also explained that, while he +lived in her house, she had a right to dictate in these matters and, +what was more, she was going to do so.</p> + +<p>At this the Captain was really hurt; his feeling for dignity was very +sensitive, though given to manifesting itself in unusual ways. "Am I +to be dependent for the rest of my days?" he asked.</p> + +<p>Julia did not answer; she thought it highly probable.</p> + +<p>"Am I to be dictated to at every turn?" he went on.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[261]</a></span></p> + +<p>Julia did answer. "No," she said; "I don't think there will be any +need for that."</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington paid no attention to the answer; he was standing +before the kitchen fire, apostrophising things in general rather than +asking questions.</p> + +<p>"Are my goings out and comings in to be limited by my daughter? Am I +to ask her permission before I accept hospitality or make friends?"</p> + +<p>"Friends?" said Julia. "Then it was not 'The Dog and Pheasant' you +went to, yesterday? I thought not."</p> + +<p>"Then you thought wrong," her father retorted incautiously; "I did go +there."</p> + +<p>"To begin with," Julia suggested; "but you came across some one, and +went on—is that it?"</p> + +<p>The Captain denied it, but he had not his wife's and daughters' gifts; +his lies were always of the cowardly and uninspired kind that seldom +serve any purpose. Julia did not believe him, and set to work cross +questioning him so that soon she knew what she wanted. It seemed that +her surmise was correct; he had met some one at the "Dog and +Pheasant"; a veterinary surgeon who had come there to doctor a horse. +They had struck up an acquaintance—the Captain had the family gift +for that—and the surgeon had asked him to come to his house on the +other side of Halgrave.</p> + +<p>When the information reached this point Julia said suavely, but with +meaning: "Perhaps you had better not go there again."</p> + +<p>"I shall certainly go when I choose," Captain Polkington retorted; "I +should like to know what is to prevent me and why I should not?"</p> + +<p>Julia remembered his dignity. "Shall we say because it is too far?" +she suggested.</p> + +<p>After that she dismissed the subject; she did not see<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[262]</a></span> any need to +pursue it further; her father knew her wishes—commands, perhaps, he +called them—all that was left for her to do was to see that he could +not help fulfilling them, and that was not to be done by much talking +any more than by little. So she made no further comments on his doings +and, to change the subject, told him she had bought some whisky in the +town yesterday and he had better open the bottle at dinner time.</p> + +<p>The Captain stared for a moment, but quickly recovered from his +astonishment, though not because he recognised that a little whisky at +home was part of a judicious system. He merely thought that his +daughter was going to treat him properly after all, and in spite of +what had been lately said. This idea was a little modified when he +found that, though he drank the whisky, Julia kept the bottle under +lock and key.</p> + +<p>It also seemed that she found a way of enforcing her wishes, or at +least preventing frequent transgressions of them, although, of course, +she was prepared for occasional mishaps. There really was nothing at +the "Dog and Pheasant" that the Captain could put up with even if he +had not been always very short of money—absurdly short even of +coppers—and Julia saw that he was short. There remained nothing for +him but the hospitality of acquaintances, and they did not abound in +Halgrave, the only place within reach; also, as he declared, they were +a stingy lot. The next time he called upon his new friend, the +veterinary surgeon, he was at a loss to understand this; it was unlike +his previous experience of the man and most disagreeably surprising; +he could not think why it should happen. But then he had not seen +Julia set out for Halgrave on the afternoon of the same day that she +explained things to him. She had on all her best clothes, even her +best boots, in spite of the bad roads.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[263]</a></span> She looked trim and dainty as +a Frenchwoman, but there was something about her which suggested +business.</p> + +<p>There are, no doubt, advantages attached to the simple life. It is +decidedly easier to deal with your drawback when you do not have to +pretend it has no existence. You can enlist help from outside if you +can go boldly to veterinary surgeons and others, and say that whisky +is your father's weakness, and would they please oblige and gratify +you by not offering him any.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[264]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2> + +<h3>NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS STRIATUM, THE GOOD COMRADE</h3> +<p>The winter wore away; a very long winter, and a very cold one to those +at the cottage who were used to the mild west country. But at last +spring came; late and with bitter winds and showers of sleet, but none +the less wonderful, especially as one had to look to see the tentative +signs of its coming. March in Marbridge used to mean violets and +daffodils, tender green shoots and balmy middays. March here means +days of pale clean light and great sweeping wind which chased grey +clouds across a steely sky, and stirred the lust for fight and freedom +in men's minds and set them longing to be up and away and at battle +with the world or the elements. This restlessness, which those who +have lost it call divine, took possession of Julia that springtime, +and a dissatisfaction with the simple life and its narrow limits beset +her. Surely, she found herself asking, this was not the end of all +things—this cottage to be the limit of her life and ambitions; her +work to grow cabbages and eat them, to keep her father in the paths of +temperance and sobriety, and to make Johnny's closing days happy? The +March winds spoke vaguely of other things; they whispered of the life +she had put from her; the big, wide, moving, thinking, feeling life +which would have been living indeed. Worse, they whispered of the man +who had offered it to her, the man whom her heart told her she would +have made friend and comrade if only circumstances had allowed him to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[265]</a></span> +make her wife. But she thrust these thoughts from her; she had no +choice, she never had a choice; now less if possible than before, +there was no heart-aching decision to make. The work she had taken up +could not be put down; she must go on even if voices stronger and more +real than these wind ones called her out.</p> + +<p>One day the crocuses which Mijnheer had sent came into flower; Julia +thought she had never seen anything so beautiful as the little purple +and golden cups, partly because they had been sent in kindness of +heart, partly, no doubt, because she had grown them herself, and she +had never grown a flower which had its root in the inarticulate joy of +all things at the first flowering of dead brown earth and monotonous +lifeless days. The next event in her calendar, and Johnny's, was the +blooming of the fruit trees. She had seen hillside orchards in the +west country break into a foam of flower—a sight perhaps as beautiful +as any England has to show. But, to her mind, it did not compare with +the sparse white bloom which lay like a first hoar frost on her +crooked trees and showed cold and delicate against the pale blue sky. +After that, nearly every day, there was something fresh and +interesting for Mr. Gillat and Julia, so that the March wind was +forgotten, except in the ill-effect on Captain Polkington with whom it +had disagreed a good deal, both in health and temper.</p> + +<p>That spring, as indeed every spring, there was a flower show in London +at the Temple Gardens. The things exhibited were principally bulb +flowers, ixias, iris, narcissus and the like; the event was +interesting to growers, both professional and amateur. Joost Van +Heigen came over from Holland to attend; he was sent by his father in +a purely business capacity, but of course he was expected, and himself +expected, to enjoy it, too; there would be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[266]</a></span> many novelties exhibited +and many beautiful flowers in which he would feel the sober +appreciative pleasure of the connoisseur. He came to England some days +before the show; he had, besides attending that, to see some important +customers on business, also one or two English growers.</p> + +<p>Now, certain districts of Norfolk are very well suited to the +cultivation of bulbs, so it is not surprising that Joost's business +took him there. And, seeing that he had a Bradshaw and a good map, and +had, moreover, six months ago addressed Julia's box of bulbs to her +nearest railway town, it is not surprising that he found the +whereabouts of the town of Halgrave. It was on Saturday night when he +found it on the map; he was sitting in the coffee-room of a temperance +hotel at the time. He had done business for the day, and, seeing that +the English do not care about working on Sundays, he would probably +have to-morrow as well as to-night free. Julia's town was close—a +short railway journey, then a walk to Halgrave, and then one would be +at her home—it would be a pleasant way of spending the morning of a +spring Sunday. He thought about it a little; he had no invitation to +go and see Julia, and he did not like going anywhere without an +invitation or an express reason. She might not want to see him, or it +might put out her domestic arrangements if he came; he knew domestic +arrangements were subject to such disturbances. He hesitated some +time, though it must be admitted that the fact that he had asked her +to marry him and been refused did not come much into his +consideration. He had not altered his mind about that proposal, and he +did not imagine she had altered hers; his devotion and her +indifference were definite settled facts which would remain as long as +either of them remained, but there was nothing em<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[267]</a></span>barrassing in them +to him. At last he decided that he would go, and it was the blue +daffodil which decided him.</p> + +<p>He had never heard what Julia had done with the bulb he had given her. +It was only reasonable to think she had sold it, seeing it was for the +sake of money she had wanted it, but no whisper of any such thing had +reached him or his father. He longed to know about it, to hear the +name of the man who had his treasure; for whom, in all probability, it +was blooming now. It was some connoisseur he was nearly certain; Julia +would not have sold it to another grower. He had not lain any such +condition on her, but she would not have done that; she knew too well +what it meant to him; he never doubted her in that matter, his faith +was of too simple a kind. Still he determined to go and see her, +partly that he might hear the name of the man who bought the blue +daffodil, partly because he wanted to and remembered that Julia, in +the old days, did not seem of the kind to be upset by unexpected +visitors and similar small domestic accidents.</p> + +<p>It was a hot-dinner Sunday at the cottage. These occurred alternately; +on the in between Sundays Julia, supported by Johnny and the Captain, +went to church. On those sacred to hot dinners she stayed at home and +did the cooking, the Captain staying with her. Mr. Gillat used to also +in the winter, but lately, during the spring, he had been induced to +teach in the Sunday school, and now went every Sunday to the village, +first to teach and afterwards to conduct his class to church.</p> + +<p>It was Mr. Stevens, the Rector of Halgrave, who had made this +surprising suggestion to Mr. Gillat. He, good man, had in the course +of time been to see his parishioners at the remote cottage, grinding +along the deep sandy road on his heavy old tricycle; but it was not +during the visit that he thought of Johnny as a teacher; it was when<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[268]</a></span> +he made further acquaintance with him at Halgrave. Johnny was the +member of the party who went most often to the village shop; he liked +the expedition, it gave him a feeling of importance; he also liked +gossiping with the woman who kept the shop, and he dearly loved +meeting the village children. On one of these occasions, when Johnny +was engaged in making peace between two little girls—little girls +were his specialty—the rector met him and it was then it occurred to +him that Mr. Gillat might help in the school. It was not much of an +honour, the school was in rather a bad way just now, and boasted no +other teachers than the rector and a raspy-tempered girl of sixteen, +but Johnny was much flattered. He thought he ought to refuse; he was +quite sure he could not teach; the idea of his doing so was certainly +new and strange; he was also sure he was not virtuous enough. But in +the end he was persuaded to try; Julia told him that he might hear the +catechism with an open book, choose the Bible tales he was surest of, +to read and explain, and have his class of little girls to tea very +often. So it came about that Mr. Gillat set out Sunday after Sunday to +school, and if his reading and expounding of the Scriptures was less +in accord with modern light than the traditions that held in the +childhood of the nation, no one minded; the children at Halgrave were +not painfully sharp, and they soon got to love Mr. Gillat with a +friendly lemon-droppish love which was not critical.</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington did not approve of the Sunday-school teaching, +especially on those days when he had to clean the knives. The Sunday +when Joost Van Heigen came was one of these. The Captain watched Mr. +Gillat's preparations with a disgusted face; at last he remarked, "I +wonder if you think you do any good by this nonsense?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[269]</a></span></p> + +<p>Johnny, who had got as far as the doorstep, stopped and considered +rather as if the idea had just occurred to him.</p> + +<p>"There must be teachers," he said at length, looking round at the open +landscape; "and there aren't many about."</p> + +<p>"You are a fine teacher!" the Captain sneered.</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat rubbed his finger along the edge of the Bible he carried. +"I was wild," he confessed; "yes, I was, I don't think—but then the +rector said—and Julia—"</p> + +<p>His meaning was rather obscure, but possibly the Captain followed it +although he did cut him short by saying, "I should never have expected +it of you; if any one had told me that you, one of us, would take to +this sort of thing, I would not have believed it. I mean, if they had +told me in the old days, before things were changed and broken up, +when we were still alive and things moved at a pace—when a man knew +if he were alive or dead and whether it was night or morning."</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes," Johnny said, but not altogether as if he regretted the +passing of those golden days; "things were different then; we didn't +think of it then."</p> + +<p>"Teaching in the Sunday school?" the Captain asked. "Not quite! And if +we had, we shouldn't have thought of coming to it even when we had got +old and foolish."</p> + +<p>Johnny looked uncomfortable and unhappy; then a bright idea occurred +to him. "There wasn't a Sunday school there," he said. "You remember +the hill station?"</p> + +<p>Just then Julia called from the house, "Father, I believe we might +have a dish of turnip tops if you would get them. Johnny, you will be +late if you don't start soon."</p> + +<p>Johnny promptly started, and the Captain, less promptly, sauntered +away to find a basket for the turnip tops,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[270]</a></span> muttering the while +something about people whose religion took the form of going out and +leaving others to do the work.</p> + +<p>But by the time Joost Van Heigen arrived, the Captain was quite +amiable again. He had had a quiet morning with nothing to do after the +turnip tops were brought in and the knives cleaned, and Johnny had had +a long tiring walk home from church in a hot sun and a high wind, +which Captain Polkington felt to be a just dispensation of Providence +to reward those who stopped at home and cleaned knives. Joost arrived +not long after Mr. Gillat; Julia heard the gate click as she was +taking the meat from before the fire.</p> + +<p>"Who is that, Johnny?" she asked.</p> + +<p>Johnny, who had just come down-stairs after taking off his Sunday +coat, looked out of the window.</p> + +<p>"I don't know," he said; "a young man."</p> + +<p>Julia, having deposited the joint on the dish, went to the kitchen +door. "Put the meat where it will keep hot," she said to Johnny; "I +expect it's some one who thinks the last people live here still; +fortunately there is enough dinner."</p> + +<p>She pushed open the unlatched door and saw the visitor going round to +the front. "Joost!" she exclaimed. "Why, Joost, is it really you?"</p> + +<p>She ran down the garden path after him and he, turning just before he +reached the front door, stopped.</p> + +<p>"Good-morning, miss," he said solemnly, removing his hat with a sweep. +"I hope I see you well. I do not inconvenience you—you are perhaps +engaged?"</p> + +<p>"Come in," Julia answered; "I am glad to see you!"</p> + +<p>There was no mistaking the sincerity of her tone; Joost's solemn face +relaxed a little. "You are not occupied?" he said; "I do not disturb +you?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[271]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes, occupied in dishing up the dinner," Julia said, "which is just +the best of all times for you to have come. Johnny!" she called; +"Johnny, Joost is here."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat, who had been carefully placing the dish where the cinders +would fall into it, came to the door.</p> + +<p>"This is Mr. Gillat, a very old friend of mine," Julia explained, and +Joost bowed deeply, offering his hand and saying, "I hope that you are +well, sir."</p> + +<p>Whereupon Mr. Gillat impressed, imitated him as nearly as he could, +and Julia looked away.</p> + +<p>They had dinner in the kitchen on Sundays as well as week days, they +made no difference to-day. Joost looked round him once or twice; he +had never seen a place like this. It was the front kitchen; the +cooking and most of the house-work was done in the back one, a big +barn-like place with doors in all corners. The front one was half a +kitchen and half a sitting-room, warm-coloured, with red-tiled floor +and low ceiling, heavily cross-beamed and hung with herbs and a couple +of hams, in great contrast to the whiteness of the kitchen at the bulb +farm. There were brass and copper pots and pans such as he knew, but +they reflected an open fire, a dirty extravagance unknown to Mevrouw. +Joost glanced at the fire, and it is to be feared that he was at heart +a traitor to his native customs. Then he looked at the open window +where the sunshine streamed in—as was never permitted in Holland—and +he wondered if it really spoilt things very much, and, being a +florist, thought it certainly would spoil the tulips in the mug that +stood on the wide sill.</p> + +<p>During dinner they spoke English for the sake of the Captain and Mr. +Gillat; Joost spoke well, if slowly, with a careful and accurate +precision. He also observed much, both of outside things, as the fact +that Johnny and the Captain cleared the table while Julia sat still, +con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[272]</a></span>trary to Dutch custom. And also of things less on the surface—as +that Julia was head of the household and that Captain Polkington was +not the impressive and authoritative person Mijnheer seemed to think. +Concerning this last fact he made no remark when, on his return home, +he described the ways and customs of Julia's cottage to his parents. +The description served Mevrouw at least, as representative of all +English households ever afterwards.</p> + +<p>When dinner was done and everything cleared up, or rather Julia's +part, she took Joost into the garden.</p> + +<p>"Now," she said in Dutch, "let us come out and talk and look at +things."</p> + +<p>They went out and he began to admire her orderly garden and to tell +her why this plant had done well and that one had failed. He did not +speak of the blue daffodil, he thought he could better ask about that +a little later. She did not speak of it either by name; he and it were +so inseparably connected in her mind.</p> + +<p>"Come along," she said, when he stopped to look into a tulip to see if +its centre was as truly black as it should have been. "Come and see +it."</p> + +<p>He followed her obediently, but asked what it was he was to see.</p> + +<p>"The blue daffodil, of course," she said.</p> + +<p>He stopped dead. "You have got it here?" he exclaimed. "You have not +sold it?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly not."</p> + +<p>"But why—why?" he stared at her in amazement. "You wanted money, it +was for that you wanted the bulb, to sell; you told me so. Do you not +want money now?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes," Julia said; "but that is an incurable disease hereditary in +our family."</p> + +<p>"You do want money?" he inquired mystified. "This<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[273]</a></span> inheritance is +small, not enough? Why, then, did you not sell the bulb?"</p> + +<p>Julia shrugged her shoulders. "I could not very well," she said.</p> + +<p>"But why not? You thought to do so at one time; your intention was to +sell it if you had—"</p> + +<p>"Stolen it? Yes, that is quite true, and it would not have mattered +then. If I had stolen it I might as well have sold it; one +dishonourable act feels lonely without another; it generally begets +another to keep itself company."</p> + +<p>Joost looked at her uncomprehendingly. "But why," he persisted, +clinging to the one thing he did understand, "why did you not sell it? +It was for that I gave it to you, to do with as you pleased; I knew +you would do only what was right and necessary."</p> + +<p>Julia could have smiled a little at this last word; it seemed as if +even Joost had learnt to temper right with necessity to suit her +dealings, but she only said, "That was one reason why I could not sell +it. You expected me to do right, so I was obliged to do it; faith +begets righteousness as dishonour begets dishonour."</p> + +<p>"I do not quite understand," he began, but she cut him short.</p> + +<p>"No," she said; "we always found it difficult to make things quite +plain, it is no use trying now. Come and see the daffodil, you will +understand that, at all events, and better than I do. It is not quite +fully out yet, but very nearly, and—please don't be disappointed—it +is not a real true blue daffodil at all."</p> + +<p>She took him to the chosen spot and showed him the plant—a bunch of +long narrow leaves rising from the brown earth, and in the midst of +them a single stalk supporting a partly opened flower. In shape it was +single,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[274]</a></span> like the common wild blossom, only much bigger; but in +colour, not blue as was expected, but streaked in irregular unblended +stripes of pure yellow and pure blue. The marking was as hard and +unshaded as that of the old-fashioned brown and yellow tulips which +children call bulls'-eyes, and the effect, though bizarre, was not at +all pretty. Julia did not think it so, and she did not expect any one +else to either; but Joost, when he saw the streaky flower, gave a +little inarticulate exclamation and, dropping on his knees on the +path, lifted the bell reverently so that he might look into it.</p> + +<p>"Ah!" he said softly; "ah, it is beautiful, wonderful!" He looked up, +and Julia, seeing the rapt and humble admiration of his face, forgot +that there was something ludicrous in the sight of a young man +kneeling on a garden path reverently worshipping a striped flower. It +was no abstract admiration of the beautiful, and no cultivated +admiration for the new and strange; it was the love of a man for his +work and appreciation of success in it, even if the success were +another's; also, perhaps, in part, the expression of a deep-seated +national feeling for flowers.</p> + +<p>"Is it what you wished?" Julia asked gently, conscious that she was, +as always, a long way off from Joost.</p> + +<p>"I did not wish it," he said, "because I did not foresee it. No one +could foresee that it would come, though it always might. It is a +novelty, an accident of nature perhaps, but beautiful, wonderful!"</p> + +<p>"Is it a real novelty?" Julia asked. "Just as much as your first blue +daffodil was? Oh, I am glad! Then you have two now."</p> + +<p>"I?" Joost said in surprise. "No, not I; this is yours, not mine; you +have grown it."</p> + +<p>"That's nothing," Julia returned easily; "you gave me<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[275]</a></span> the bulb; it is +really your bulb; I only just put it into the ground, I have had +nothing to do with the novelty."</p> + +<p>But if she thought to dispose of the matter in that way she soon found +she was mistaken; there were apparently laws governing bulb growing +which were as inviolable as any governing hereditary titles. The man +who bloomed the bulb was the man who had produced the novelty—if +novelty it was; he could no more make over his rights to another than +a duke could his coronet. In vain Julia protested that it was by the +merest chance that Joost had hit on this particular sort to give her, +that it was only an accident which had prevented him from blooming it +himself. He said that did not matter at all, and when she failed to be +convinced, added that possibly, had he kept the bulb, the result might +not have proved the same; her soil and treatment were doubtless both +different.</p> + +<p>Julia laughed at the idea, saying she knew nothing about soil and +treatment. But she made no impression on Joost and apparently did not +alter the case; the laws of the bulb growers were not only like those +of the "Medes and Persians which alter not," but also refused to be +bent or evaded even by a Polkington.</p> + +<p>"It is yours," Joost said, as he took a last look at the flower before +he rose from his knees; "the great honour is yours, and I am glad of +it."</p> + +<p>There was something in his tone which reminded Julia of that talk they +had had in the little enclosed place on the last day she was at the +bulb farm. She hastily submitted so as to avoid the too personal. +"What am I to do with the honour?" she asked. "I do not know, that is +one reason why it is absurd for me to have it."</p> + +<p>"You must name your flower," he told her; "and then you must exhibit +it. Fortunately you are in time for the show in London."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[276]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But I can't go to London," Julia said; "it is out of the question for +me to leave home even if I could afford the fare, which I cannot."</p> + +<p>Joost answered there was no need; he could arrange everything for her. +"I can take the daffodil to London with me," he said. "It must be +lifted—you have a flower pot, then it must be tied with care, and it +will travel quite safely."</p> + +<p>"But," Julia objected; "if it is exhibited with my name, and you say +my name as the grower must appear, your father will hear of it and +then he will know that you gave me a bulb—it cannot be exhibited. I +do not care about a certificate of merit or whatever one gets."</p> + +<p>"It must be exhibited," Joost said; "as to my father, he knows +already, I have told him; that does not stand in the way."</p> + +<p>To this Julia had nothing to say; perhaps in her heart she was a +little ashamed because she had suspected him of the half honesty of +only telling what was necessary when it was necessary, that she +herself was likely to have practised in his case.</p> + +<p>"Now you must call your flower a name," he said, "as I called mine + +Vrouw Van Heigen."</p> +<p class="center"><a name="Now_you_must" id="Now_you_must"></a><img class="img1" src="images/image_05.jpg" alt=""'Now you must call your flower a name,' he said"" width="400" height="630" /><br /> +<span class="caption">"'Now you must call your flower a name,' he said"</span></p> + +<p>"I will call it after you," Julia said.</p> + +<p>But Joost would not have that. "That will not do; the blue daffodil is +already a Van Heigen; there cannot be another, it will make +confusion."</p> + +<p>"Well, I'll call it the honest man, then; that will be you."</p> + +<p>Joost did not like that either; he thought it very unsuitable. "Why +not name it after"—he began; he had meant to say "your father," but +recalling that gentleman, he changed it to—"some one of whom you are +fond."</p> + + + + +<p>Julia hesitated. "I like the honest man," she said; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[277]</a></span>"but as you say +it is not suitable, the blue daffodil is really the honest one, this +is too mixed—I shall call it after Johnny; I am fond of him."</p> + +<p>But Joost was romantic; it was only natural with the extreme and +almost childish simplicity of his nature there should be some romance, +and there was nothing to satisfy that sentiment in Mr. Gillat. +"Johnny?" he said; "yes, but it is not very pretty; it does not +suggest a beautiful flower. Why not call it after the heroine of some +book or a friend or comrade? Perhaps"—Joost was only human—"he with +whom you went walking on the Dunes."</p> + +<p>"Him?" Julia said. "I never thought of that. He was a friend +certainly, and a good comrade; he tried hard to get me out of that +scrape; he would have stood by me if I had let him—the same as you +did—you were both comrades to me then. I tell you what, shall I call +it 'The Good Comrade?' Then it would be after you both and Johnny too; +Johnny would certainly stand by me through thick and thin, share his +last crust with me, or father, give me the whole of it. Yes, we will +call the daffodil 'The Good Comrade,' and it shall have three +godfathers."</p> + +<p>With this Joost was satisfied, even though he had to share what honour +there was with two others. Mr. Gillat, of course, when he was told, +was much pleased; he even found he was now able to admire the +wonderful flower, though before, he had agreed with Julia's opinion of +it. To Captain Polkington not much was said about it.</p> + +<p>"Johnny," Julia said, as they stood watching Joost pot the bulb, "you +are not to tell father how valuable this is. He will find out quite +soon enough; people are sure to bother me to sell it after it has been +exhibited, and I am not going to."</p> + +<p>"No," Johnny said; "of course not, naturally not."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[278]</a></span></p> + +<p>So Captain Polkington had no idea why Joost carried away a carefully +tied-up flower pot when he left the cottage that afternoon. He only +thought the young man must have a most remarkable enthusiasm for +flowers to so burden himself on a long walk.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>And in due time the wonderful streaked daffodil, "Narcissus Triandrus +Striatum, The Good Comrade," grown by Miss Snooks of White's Cottage, +Halgrave, was exhibited at the Temple Show. And bulb growers, +professional and amateur, waxed enthusiastic over it. And the general +public who went to the show, admired it or not, as their taste and +education allowed them. And among the general public who went, was a +Miss Lillian Farham, a girl who, last September, had travelled north +with carnations in her coat and Rawson-Clew in a corner of the railway +carriage. Miss Farham was an enthusiastic gardener, and having means +and leisure and a real taste for it, she had some notable successes in +the garden of her beautiful home; and when she was in town she never +missed an opportunity of attending a good show, seeing something new, +and learning what she could. She was naturally much interested in the +new streaked daffodil; so much so, that she spoke of it afterwards, +not only to those people who shared her taste, but also to at least +one who did not.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew was back in London. He had not been back long, but already +he had begun the preliminaries of a search for Mr. Gillat. He decided +that it would be easier to find him than Julia, who might possibly +have changed her name to oblige her family, and who certainly would be +better able to hide herself, if she had a mind to, than Mr. Gillat. He +had not as yet been able to devote many days to the search, and had +got no further than<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[279]</a></span> preliminaries; still he could already see that it +was not going to be easy and might possibly be long. He did not go to +the show of spring flowers; he did not feel the least interest in it, +but when by chance he met Lillian Farham she spoke of it to him and +also of the new daffodil.</p> + +<p>"It was grown at Halgrave, too," she said; "that is not so very far +from your part of Norfolk, is it?"</p> + +<p>"Fifteen or twenty miles," Rawson-Clew answered.</p> + +<p>"Is it so much as that?" she said; "I thought it was nearer; of +course, then, you can't tell me anything about the grower."</p> + +<p>He could not; it is probable even if the place had been much nearer, +he still could not, seeing that it was some years since he had been to +"his part of Norfolk." However, he gave polite attention to Miss +Farham, who went on to describe the wonderful flower of mixed yellow +and blue.</p> + +<p>"Blue?" Rawson-Clew's interest became more real; he had once heard of +blue in connection with a daffodil. It was one evening on a long flat +Dutch road—the evening he had tied Julia's shoe. She had spoken of +it, she had begun to say, when he stopped the confession that he +thought she would afterwards regret, that she could not take the blue +daffodil.</p> + +<p>"What is the name?" he asked; he meant of the grower in Norfolk, +though he would have been puzzled to say why he asked.</p> + +<p>Miss Farham, however, mistook his meaning and thought he was asking +about the flower. "'The Good Comrade,'" she said, and fortunately she +did not see his surprise. "Rather quaint, is it not?" she went on. +"Easier to remember, too, than some obscure grand duchess, or the name +of the grower or his wife after whom <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[280]</a></span>new flowers are usually called. +The blue daffodil, you know, is called after one of the grower's +relatives—Vrouw Van Heigen."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew said "Yes," though he did not know it before. It struck +him as interesting now; the Van Heigens had a blue daffodil then, and +Julia went to them for some purpose besides earning a pittance as +companion. She had not taken a blue daffodil; she said so; she also +said at another time she had failed in the object of her coming and +that failure and success would have been alike discreditable. Poor +Julia! And now here was some one in Norfolk exhibiting a daffodil of +mixed blue and yellow called, by a strange coincidence, "The Good +Comrade." Of course, it was only a coincidence and yet, when reason is +not helping as much as it ought, one is inclined to take notice of +signs and coincidences.</p> + +<p>"What is the name of the grower of this new flower?" Rawson-Clew +asked.</p> + +<p>Miss Farham told him.</p> + +<p>"Snooks," he repeated thoughtfully; she imagined he was trying to +remember if he had heard the name before. He was not; he was wondering +if any one ever really started in life with such a name; if, rather, +it did not sound more like the pseudonym of one who was indifferent to +public credence, and possibly public opinion.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew was not able to tell Miss Farham anything about the grower +of the streaked daffodil; he was obliged to own that he had never +heard of her before. But he made it his business to find out what he +could in the shortest possible time; this he did not mention to Miss +Farham. What he discovered did not amount to much, very little in +fact, but such as it was, it was enough to bring him to Halgrave.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[281]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII</h2> + +<h3>BEHIND THE CHOPPING-BLOCK</h3> +<p>Captain Polkington, Johnny and Julia were busy in the garden. It was a +fine afternoon following after two or three wet days and the ground +was in splendid condition for planting, also for sticking to clothes. +The sandy road to Halgrave dried quickly, but the garden, of heavier +soil, did not, as was testified by Julia's boots—she had bought a +small pair of plough-boy's boots that spring and was wearing them now, +very pleased with the investment. By and by the sound of a motor broke +the silence; the Captain and Johnny left off work to listen; at least, +Johnny did; the Captain was hardly in a position to leave off, seeing +that he was off most of his time.</p> + +<p>"It sounds like a motor-car," Johnny said, as if he had made a +discovery.</p> + +<p>"Then it must have lost its way," Julia answered, giving all her +attention to her cabbage plants.</p> + +<p>Johnny said "Yes." It certainly seemed likely enough; the ubiquitous +motor-car went everywhere certainly; even, it was possible to imagine, +to remote and uninteresting Halgrave. But along the ill-kept sandy +road which led to White's Cottage and nowhere else, none had been yet, +nor was it in the least likely that one would ever come except by +accident.</p> + +<p>The sounds drew nearer. "It certainly is coming this<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[282]</a></span> way," the +Captain said; "I will go and explain the mistake to the people."</p> + +<p>The Captain went to the gate; but he did not stop there, nor did he +explain anything. His eyesight, never having been subjected to strain +or over work, was good, and the car, owing to the loose nature of the +road, was not coming very fast; he saw it had only one occupant, a man +who seemed familiar to him. For a second the Captain stared, then he +turned and went into the house in surprising haste. He had not the +least idea what had brought this man here; indeed, when he came to +think about it, he was sure it must have been some mistake about the +road. But he had no desire to explain; he felt he was not the person +to do so, seeing that the last (and first) time he had seen the man +was in an unpleasant interview at Marbridge. He connected several +painful things, humiliation, undeserved epithets, and so on, with that +interview and with the face of Rawson-Clew. Accordingly, he went into +the house and waited, and the car came nearer and stopped.</p> + +<p>Johnny and Julia went on with their work; they imagined the Captain +was talking to the strangers; they had no idea of his discreet +withdrawal until Julia came round the corner of the house to fetch a +trowel, and saw Rawson-Clew coming up the path.</p> + +<p>Julia's first feeling was blank amazement, but being a Polkington, and +being that before she took to the simple life and its honest ways, she +allowed nothing more than polite surprise to appear.</p> + +<p>"Why!" she said, "I had no idea you were anywhere near here."</p> + +<p>"I had no idea that you were until recently," he returned.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[283]</a></span></p> + +<p>She wondered how recently; if it was this minute when chance brought +her for the trowel—very likely it was, and he was here by accident.</p> + +<p>"Have you lost your way?" she inquired.</p> + +<p>"Not to-day."</p> + +<p>"Where were you trying to go?"</p> + +<p>"White's Cottage."</p> + +<p>"Oh!" she said. He did not look amused, but she felt as if he were, +and clearly it was not accident that had brought him.</p> + +<p>"How did you know I was here?" she asked. "There are not many people +who could have told you. I have retired, you know."</p> + +<p>He settled his eyeglass carefully in the way she remembered, and +looked first at the cottage and then at her. "I observe the +retirement," he said; "but the corduroy?"</p> + +<p>"I am wearing out my old clothes first," she answered.</p> + +<p>Just then Johnny's voice was heard. "Hadn't I better water the +plants?" it asked. Next moment Mr. Gillat came in sight carrying a big +water can. "Julia hadn't I better—" he began, then he saw the +visitor.</p> + +<p>"Ah, Mr. Gillat," Rawson-Clew said. "How are you? I am glad to see you +again; last time I called at Berwick Street you were not there."</p> + +<p>Johnny set down the water can. "Glad to see you," he said beaming; +"very glad, very glad, indeed"—he would have been pleased to see +Rawson-Clew anywhere if for no other reason than that he had shown an +interest in Julia's welfare.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile Captain Polkington sat in the kitchen listening for the +sound of the departing motor. But it did not come; everything was +still except for the ceaseless singing of larks, to which he was so +used now that it had <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[284]</a></span>come almost to seem like silence. He began to +grow uneasy; what if, after all, Rawson-Clew were not here by accident +and mistake. What if he had come on some wretched and uncomfortable +business? The Captain could not think of anything definite, but that, +he felt, did not make it impossible. The man certainly had not gone, +he must be staying talking to Julia. Well, Julia could talk to him, +she was more fit to see the business through than her father was. +There was some comfort in this thought, but it did not last long, for +just then the silence was broken, there was a sound of steps, not +going down the path to the gate, but coming towards the kitchen door! +The Captain rose hastily—it was too bad of Julia, too bad! He was not +fit for these shocks and efforts; he was not what he used to be; the +terrible cold of the winter in this place had told on his rheumatism, +on his heart. He crossed the room quickly. The door which shut in the +staircase banged as that of the big kitchen was pushed open.</p> + +<p>"You had better take your boots off here, Johnny," Julia said; "you +have got lots of mud on them."</p> + +<p>She took off her own as she spoke, slipping out of them without having +much trouble with the laces. Rawson-Clew watched her, finding a +somewhat absurd satisfaction in seeing her small arched feet free of +the clumsy boots.</p> + +<p>"Are not your stockings wet?" he said.</p> + +<p>"No," she answered; "not a bit."</p> + +<p>"Are you quite sure? I think they must be."</p> + +<p>"No, they are not; are they, Johnny?" She stood on one foot and put +the other into Mr. Gillat's hand.</p> + +<p>Johnny felt it carefully, giving it the same consideration that a wise +housekeeper gives to the airing of sheets, then he gave judgment in +favour of Julia.</p> + +<p>"I was right, you see," she said; "they are quite dry."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[285]</a></span></p> + +<p>She looked up as she spoke, and met Rawson-Clew's eyes; there was +something strange there, something new which brought the colour to her +face. She went quickly into the other kitchen and began to get the +tea.</p> + +<p>Johnny came to help her, and the visitor offered his assistance, too. +Julia at once sent the latter to the pump for water, which she did not +want. When he came back she had recovered herself, had even abused +herself roundly for imagining this new thing or misinterpreting it. +There was no question of man and woman between her and Rawson-Clew; +there never had been and never could be (although he had asked her to +marry him). It was all just impersonal and friendly; it was absurd or +worse to think for an instant that he had another feeling, had any +feeling at all—any more than she. And again she abused herself, +perhaps because it is not easy to be sure of feelings, either your own +or other people's, even if you want to, and it certainly is not easy +to always want what you ought. Moreover, there was a difference; it +was impossible to overlook it, she felt in herself or him, or both. +She had altered since they parted at the Van Heigens', perhaps grown +to be a woman. After all she was a woman, with a great deal of the +natural woman in her, too, he had said—and he was a man, a gentleman, +first, perhaps, polished and finished, her senior, her superior—yet a +man, possibly with his share of the natural man, the thing on which +one cannot reckon. Just then the kettle boiled and she made the tea.</p> + +<p>"Where is father?" she asked; and Mr. Gillat went to look for him.</p> + +<p>"He is up-stairs," he said when he came back; "he does not feel well, +he says, not the thing; he'll have tea up there; I'll take it."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[286]</a></span></p> + +<p>Julia looked at Rawson-Clew and laughed. "He does not feel equal to +facing you," she said.</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes," Johnny added, "that's it; that's what he says—I +mean"—suddenly realising what he was saying—"he does not feel equal +to facing strangers."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Rawson-Clew is not a stranger," Julia answered; she took a +perverse delight in recalling the beginning of the acquaintance which +she knew quite well was better ignored. "How odd," she said, turning +to Rawson-Clew, "that father should have forgotten you, just as you +told me you had forgotten him and all about the time when you saw +him."</p> + +<p>"I expect he regarded the matter as trivial and unimportant, just as I +did," Rawson-Clew answered; "though if I told you I had forgotten all +about it I made a mistake; I can hardly say that; I remember some +details quite plainly; for instance, your position—you stood between +your father and me—very much as you did between me and the Van +Heigens."</p> + +<p>"I did not!" Julia said hotly, pouring the tea all over the edge of +the cup; "I didn't stand between you and the Van Heigens. I mean—"</p> + +<p>"Allow me!" Rawson-Clew moved the cup so that she poured the tea into +it and not the saucer.</p> + +<p>"Dear, dear!" Johnny said; he had not the least idea what they were +talking about, but he fancied that one or both must be annoyed, +perhaps by the upsetting of the tea; he could think of nothing else. +"Such a mess," he said; "and such a waste. Is the cup ready? Shall I +take it up-stairs?"</p> + +<p>"No, thank you," Julia said; "I will take it."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew did not seem to mind, and Julia, after she had lingered a +little with her father, decided to come <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[287]</a></span>down again. If she stayed +away she knew perfectly well that Johnny would do nothing but talk +about her; moreover it was absurd to be put out because Rawson-Clew +could answer better than Mr. Gillat; that was one of the reasons for +which she had liked him.</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington sipped his tea and ate his bread and butter +peacefully. Julia had told him Mr. Rawson-Clew would not be staying +long; she had not exactly said why he was come, it seemed rather as if +she did not know; but apparently nothing unpleasant had happened so +far and he would be going soon, directly after tea no doubt. So the +Captain sat contentedly and listened for the sound of going, but he +did not hear it; they were a very long time over tea, he thought.</p> + +<p>They were; two of them were purposely spinning it out, the third was +only a happy chorus. Julia was in no hurry to face the questions about +the explosive which she feared must come when Johnny's restraining +presence was removed. She knew, as soon as she was sure Rawson-Clew's +coming was design and not accident, that he must have suspected her; +he had come to talk about it and he would do so as soon as he got the +chance, so she put it off. And he was quite willing to wait too; he +was enjoying the present moment with a curious light-hearted enjoyment +much younger than his years. And he was enjoying the future moment, +too, in anticipation, albeit he was a little shy of it—he did not +quite know how he was to close with the garrison in the citadel even +though he might have taken all the outposts.</p> + +<p>But at last tea was done and the table cleared and all the things +taken to the outer kitchen to be washed. Julia decreed that she and +Johnny were to do that, then unthinkingly she sent her assistant for a +tea-cloth. Rawson-Clew was standing by the doorway when Johnny passed; +he followed him out.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[288]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Mr. Gillat, your plants want watering," he said, quietly but +decisively.</p> + +<p>"They do, they do," Johnny agreed; "I will have to do them by and by."</p> + +<p>"Do them now, it is getting late."</p> + +<p>"It is," Mr. Gillat admitted; "we were late with tea, but there's the +drying of the cups."</p> + +<p>"I will do that."</p> + +<p>Johnny hesitated; Julia's wish was his law, still there seemed no harm +in the exchange; anyhow, without quite knowing how it happened, he +soon afterwards found himself in the garden among the water cans.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew went back to the outer kitchen. Julia looked round as she +heard his step, and seeing that he was alone, recognised the +manœuvre and the arrival of the inevitable hour.</p> + +<p>"Well," she said, coming to the point in a business-like way now that +it was unavoidable; "what is it you want?"</p> + +<p>"I want to know several things," he said, shutting the door. +"Principally why you called your daffodil 'The Good Comrade?'"</p> + +<p>"The daffodil!" she repeated in frank amazement; she was completely +surprised, and for once she did not attempt to hide it.</p> + +<p>"Yes," Rawson-Clew said; "why did you call it 'The Good Comrade?'"</p> + +<p>Julia began to recover herself and also her natural caution. This was +not the question she expected, but the rogue in her made her wary even +of the seemingly simple and safe. "I called it after three friends," +she said, "who were good comrades to me—you, Johnny and Joost Van +Heigen. Why do you ask?"</p> + +<p>"Because I wondered if it was a case of telepathy; I also named +something 'The Good Comrade.'"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[289]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You?" she said. "What did you name? Was it a dog?"</p> + +<p>"No, a bottle—small, wide-necked, stopper fastened with a piece of +torn handkerchief, about two-thirds full of a white powder!"</p> + +<p>Julia had begun washing the cups; she did her best to betray no sign, +and really she did it very well; her eyelids flickered a little and +her breath came rather quickly, nothing more.</p> + +<p>"Why did you name it?" she asked. "It is rather odd to do so, isn't +it?"</p> + +<p>"I named it after the person who gave it to me."</p> + +<p>Julia's breath came a little quicker; she forgot to remark that the +same reason had helped her in naming her flower; she was busy asking +herself if he meant her by the good comrade.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps I did not exactly name my bottle," he went on to say, "but it +stood for the person to me. It was a sort of physical +manifestation—rather a grotesque one, perhaps—of a spiritual +presence which had not really left me since a certain sunny morning +last year."</p> + +<p>"That is very interesting," Julia managed to say; her native caution +had not misled her; the innocently beginning talk had taken a devious +way to the expected end.</p> + +<p>"It was interesting," Rawson-Clew said, "but not quite satisfying, at +least not to the natural man. He is not content with a manifestation +any more than with a spiritual presence; he wants a corporal fact."</p> + +<p>Julia looked up; the talk was taking an unforseen turn that she did +not quite follow, so she looked up. And then she read something in his +face that set her heart beating, that made her afraid, less perhaps of +him than of herself, and the thrill that ran like fire through her +body.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[290]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I don't quite understand," she said, and dropped a cup.</p> + +<p>It was meant to fall on the flagged floor and break; it would create a +diversion, and picking up the pieces would give her time to get used +to the suffocating heart-beats. She had enough of the Polkington +self-mastery left to think of the manœuvre and its advisability, +but not enough to carry it out properly; the cup fell on the +doubled-up tea-cloth that lay at her feet and was not broken at all. +Nevertheless the incident and her own contempt for her failure +steadied her a little.</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew picked up the cup. "Do you not understand," he said. "It +is quite simple; I have put it to you before, too—not in the same +words, but it comes to the same—the plain terms used then were—will +you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"</p> + +<p>Julia's heart seemed to stop for a second, then it went on heavily as +before, but she only asked, "Did you not get my letter, the one I +wrote in Holland about that?"</p> + +<p>"The one when you told me of your arrangements? By the way you did not +mention that you were going to Van de Greutz's for the explosive, yes, +I got that, but it was scarcely an answer."</p> + +<p>"I explained that it meant 'no.'"</p> + +<p>"In a postscript; you cannot answer a proposal of marriage in a +postscript."</p> + +<p>There really does not seem sufficient ground to justify this +statement, still she did not combat it. "Can't I?" she said. "Then I +will answer it now—no. It was good of you to offer, generous and +honourable, but, of course, I should not accept. I mean, I could not +even if there had been any need, and, as you see, there was not a +particle of need then, still less now."</p> + +<p>"No need, no," he answered, and there was a new note<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[291]</a></span> in his voice; +"it is not a case of necessity or anything of the sort. Put all that +nonsense of justice and honour and gratitude out of the question, you +know that it does not come in. I own it did weigh somewhat then, but +now—now I want the good comrade; I don't deserve her, or a tithe of +what she has done for me, but I can't do without her—herself, the +corporal fact—don't you know that?"</p> + +<p>"No," Julia said; somehow it was all she could say.</p> + +<p>"You don't know it? Then I'll tell you." But he did not for she +prevented him.</p> + +<p>"Please don't," she said. "You cannot really want me because you do +not really know me. Oh, no, you do not!"</p> + +<p>"I think I do; I know enough to begin with; the rest of the ignorance +you can remedy at your leisure."</p> + +<p>"My leisure is now," she said; "I will tell you several things, I will +tell you how I got the explosive. I went as a cook and stole like a +thief—you could have got it as easily as I if you would have stooped +as readily as I did. You admire that? Perhaps so, now, but you would +not if you had seen it being done. That is the sort of thing I do, and +I will tell you the sort of thing I like. The day I came home from +Holland I did what I liked—as soon as I reached London I went to +Johnny Gillat, my dear old friend, who I love better than any one else +in the world, and we had a supper of steak and onions in a back +bedroom, and we enjoyed it—you see what my tastes are? Afterwards I +heard how father had taken to drink and mother had got into debt—you +see what a nice family we are?"</p> + +<p>But here Rawson-Clew stopped her. "I knew something like this before," +he said; "the details are nothing; I do not see what it has to do with +the matter."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[292]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It ought to have a lot," she answered. "But even if you do know it +and a good deal more and realise it too, which is a different thing, +there is still the other side. I don't know you, I don't even know +your name."</p> + +<p>Then he remembered that he must have signed that offer of marriage, as +he signed all letters, and so left himself merely "H. F. Rawson-Clew" +to her.</p> + +<p>"You see," she was saying, "it is a mistake for people who don't know +each other very well to marry, they would always be getting unpleasant +surprises afterwards. Besides, it would be so uncomfortable; it must +be pretty bad to live at close quarters with some one you were—who +you didn't know very well, with whom you minded about things."</p> + +<p>She had touched on something that did matter now, that might matter +very much indeed; Rawson-Clew realised it, and realised with a start +of pain, that there might be a great gulf between him and the good +comrade after all. Her quick intuitions and perceptions had bridged it +over and led him to forget that he was a man of years and experience +while she was a girl, a young, shy, half-wild thing, veiled, and +fearing to draw the veil for his experienced eyes.</p> + +<p>"Tell me," he said, facing her and looking very grave and old, "is +that how you feel about me?"</p> + +<p>She fidgeted the tea-cloth with her foot, but being a Polkington, she +was able to answer something. "We belong to different lots of people," +she said, examining the shape the thing had taken on the floor; "I +have got my life here, working in my garden and so on; and you have +got yours a long way off among greater things."</p> + +<p>"You have not answered me," he said. "Tell me—am I the man you +described?"</p> + +<p>He turned her so that she could look at him, the thing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[293]</a></span> she dared not +do. His touch was light, almost momentary, but it was too much, it +thrilled through her wildly, irresistibly, and she drew back fearing +to do anything else.</p> + +<p>"Don't!" she said, and her voice was sharp with the anger of pain.</p> + +<p>He stepped back a pace. "Thank you," he said; "I am answered."</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington had been dozing; there really was nothing else to +do; but suddenly he was aroused; there was a sound below; the motor +moving at last. Yes, it was going, really going; he went to the window +and, taking care not to be seen, watched the car go down the sandy +road. After that he went down-stairs, and finding Johnny, who had +finished his watering, persuaded him to come for a stroll on the +heath. They took a basket to bring home anything they might find, and +shouted news of their intention to Julia, who did not answer, then set +out.</p> + +<p>Now, in the present state of their development, motors are not things +on which a man can always rely. More especially is this the case when +any one like Mr. Gillat has had anything to do with them. The obliging +Johnny, had arranged the inside of Rawson-Clew's car, covering up what +he thought might be hurt by the sun and blowing sand while it stood at +the roadside, and taking into the house when he went in to tea, +anything that could be stolen if—as was quite out of the +question—one came that way with a mind to steal. Johnny had brought +back most of the things and replaced them before Rawson-Clew started, +but not quite all. When the car had got a little distance down the +road it, with a perversity worthy of a reasonable being, developed a +need for the forgotten item. Rawson-Clew searched for it, could not +find it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[294]</a></span> discovered that he could not get on without it, and, +thinking if not saying something not very complimentary about Mr. +Gillat, walked back to the cottage.</p> + +<p>He supposed he would find Johnny in the garden, but he did not; he and +the Captain were some way out on the heath now, and, fortunately for +the latter's peace, neither saw any one approach the cottage. +Rawson-Clew looked round the garden and finding no one decided, rather +reluctantly, that he must go to the house. He did not want to meet +Julia again; he thought it rather unlikely that she should still be in +the kitchen, but there was a chance of it, so he approached with a +view to reconnoitering before presenting himself. The outer kitchen, +which partook rather of the nature of a wash-house, had a large +unglazed window; when he drew near to this he heard a noise from +within. It sounded like some one sobbing, not quiet sobs, but slow +deep spasmodic ones like the last remains of a tempest of tears which +has not spent itself but only been imperfectly suppressed by sheer +will. Rawson-Clew paused though possibly he had no business to do so.</p> + +<p>"Oh, why," one wailed from within, "why is not father dead? If he were +dead—if only he had been dead!"</p> + +<p>The unglazed window was large and rather high up, but Rawson-Clew was +a man of fair height; he was also usually considered an honourable +one, but when he heard the voice, saying something which was plainly +only meant for the hearing of Omnipotence, he did not go away. He put +his hands on the flintwork of the window-sill and in a moment found +himself in the twilight of the unceiled kitchen.</p> + +<p>Julia was crouching in a corner, her elbows on the old chopping-block, +her face hidden on her tightly-clenched hands, while she struggled +angrily with the shaking sobs.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[295]</a></span> For a moment she struggled, then +mastered herself somehow and looked up, perhaps because she meant to +rise and set about her work. She had been crying hard and tears do not +improve the average face, certainly they did not hers; and she had +been trying hard to stop, cramming a screwed-up handkerchief into her +eyes and that did not improve matters either. One would have said her +face could have expressed nothing but the extremity of unbecoming woe, +yet when she caught sight of Rawson-Clew standing just under the +window it changed extraordinarily and to anger.</p> + +<p>"Go away!" she said; "go away! Do you hear?"</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew did not go away; he came nearer and Julia drew further +into the corner, ensconsing herself behind the chopping-block, and +looking about as inviting of approach as a trapped rat.</p> + +<p>"Julia," he said.</p> + +<p>"Go away!" was her only answer.</p> + +<p>"Why did you send me away?"</p> + +<p>"Because I wanted you gone."</p> + +<p>"Because Captain Polkington is not dead? Is that it?"</p> + +<p>"You are a dishonourable eavesdropper! No, it wasn't that."</p> + +<p>He sat down on the chopping-block barricading her corner so that she +could not get out without stepping over him. "Do you know it strikes +me that you are not strictly honest either, at least not strictly +truthful just now."</p> + +<p>Julia tugged at her skirt; the chopping-block was on the hem and he on +it so that she could not get free. "Will you please go," she said, +with a catch in her breath. That is the worst of these +half-suppressed, unspent storms<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[296]</a></span> of tears, they have such a tendency +to return and break out again inconveniently.</p> + +<p>"If it were not for Captain Polkington would you have sent me away?" +he asked.</p> + +<p>"Y—e—s," she answered, fighting with her tears. "Oh, go! Please, +please go!"</p> + +<p>She crumpled herself into a small miserable heap and he leaned over +the block and drew her into his arms.</p> + +<p>For a moment she struggled, burrowing her head into his coat; there +was a good deal of burrowing and not much struggling. "No, you +wouldn't," he said to her hair, "you would have married me."</p> + +<p>"I might have said I would, but I shouldn't really have done it," she +contended without looking up. "I shouldn't when it came to the point. +You had better let me go, I am spoiling your coat, my face is all +wet—and I don't know where my handkerchief is."</p> + +<p>"Take mine, you will find it somewhere. Tell me, why would you not +have married me when it came to the point? Because your courage failed +you?"</p> + +<p>No answer; then, "I can't find that handkerchief."</p> + +<p>"You have not tried. Are you afraid to try? Are you afraid of me? Is +that why you would not have married me—you would have been afraid to +live at close quarters with me? Do you still think you don't know me +well enough?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know your name."</p> + +<p>The answer was ridiculous, but he knew how the ridiculous touched even +tragedies for Julia.</p> + +<p>"Hubert Farquhar Rawson-Clew," he said solemnly. "Now—"</p> + +<p>But whatever was to have followed was prevented, for at that moment +she looked up, and for some reason, sud<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[297]</a></span>denly decided things had gone +far enough, and so freed herself.</p> + +<p>"I don't think it matters much what I should have done," she said, "or +why, either. Father is not dead; you ought to know better than to talk +about such a thing; it is bad taste."</p> + +<p>"Does that matter in the simple life? I thought when you retired you +were going to dispense with falsity and pretences, and say and do +honestly what you honestly thought, when it did not hurt other +people's feelings."</p> + +<p>"So I do," she answered; "that is why, when I thought I was alone just +now, I asked out loud how it was that father was still alive. Since +then I have seen."</p> + +<p>"What have you seen?"</p> + +<p>"That it is to prevent me from making a great muddle of things. If he +had been dead I dare say I should have married you—I may as well +confess it since you know—and we both should have repented it ever +afterwards. As it is, if I were free to-morrow, I would know better +than to do it."</p> + +<p>He did not seem much troubled by the last statement. "We should have +had to talk things over," he said.</p> + +<p>"No, talking wouldn't have been any good," she answered; "there is a +great distance between us."</p> + +<p>He looked down at the space of red tiles that separated them. "That is +rather remediable," he observed.</p> + +<p>"Do you think I am not in earnest?" she said. "I am. There is a real +barrier; besides all these things I have mentioned there is something +else that cuts me off. I have a debt to pay you and until it is paid, +if I were your own cousin, I could not stand on the same platform."</p> + +<p>"A debt?" he repeated the word in surprise. His young cousin's loan to +Captain Polkington had slipped his memory, and even if it had not, its +connection with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[298]</a></span> present would not have occurred to him. Julia had +been there, it is true, when the affair was talked of eighteen months +ago, and he himself had unofficially paid the money to end the matter, +but he never dreamed of connecting either her or himself with it now. +Still less would he have dreamed that she considered herself bound to +pay him what her father had borrowed from another.</p> + +<p>"What debt?" he asked, thinking the word must be hyperbolical, and +meant to stand for something quite different, though he could not +imagine what.</p> + +<p>"You have forgotten?" she said. "I thought you had; that only shows +the distance more plainly; you have one standard for yourself and +another for me."</p> + +<p>"Tell me what it is and let us see if we cannot compound it."</p> + +<p>But she shook her head. "It can't be compounded," she said; "you will +know when I pay it."</p> + +<p>"And when will that be?"</p> + +<p>"Ten years, twenty perhaps, I don't know. I thought once or twice +before I could pay it—with the blue daffodil once, and once when I +first got the cottage and things—I thought, to be sure, I could do +it; it seemed a Heaven-sent way. But"—with a little glint of +self-derision—"Heaven knows better than to send those sort of easy +ways to the Polkingtons; they are ill-conditioned beasts who only +behave when they are properly laden by fate, and not often then. Now +you know all about it, so won't you say good-bye and go?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know about it and, what is more, I don't care. I am not going +to let this unknown trifle, this scruple—"</p> + +<p>Just then there came the sound of voices outside; Mr. Gillat and +Captain Polkington unwarily coming back before the coast was clear.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[299]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes," Johnny was saying, "he came to see me in town, you know—or +rather you, but you were out—"</p> + +<p>"He came to see me? He"—there was no mistaking the consternation in +the Captain's tone, nor his meaning either.</p> + +<p>Julia and Rawson-Clew looked at one another; both had forgotten the +Captain's existence for a moment; now they were reminded, and though +the reminder seemed incongruous it was perhaps opportune.</p> + +<p>"There is father," Julia said.</p> + +<p>And he nodded. One cannot make love to a man's daughter almost in his +presence, when the proviso of his death is an essential to any +satisfaction. Rawson-Clew went to the door. "Good-bye," he said, "for +the present."</p> + +<p>"Good-bye for always," she answered.</p> + +<p>She spoke quite calmly, in much the same tone when, on the morning +after the excursion to the Dunes, she had bid him good-bye and tried +to face the consequences alone. She had had so many tumbles with fate +that it seemed she knew how to take them now with an indifferent face. +At least, nearly always, not quite—the wood block still lay before +the corner in which she had crouched the marks on his coat where her +tears had fallen were hardly dry. There was passion and to spare +behind the indifferent face, passion that for once at least had broken +through the self-mastery.</p> + +<p>He held out his hand and she put hers into it. "Good-bye," he +repeated; "good-bye for the present, brave little comrade."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[300]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX</h2> + +<h3>CAPTAIN POLKINGTON</h3> +<p>Captain Polkington was watching a pan of jam. It was the middle of the +day and warm; too warm to be at work out of doors, as Johnny was, at +least so the Captain thought. He also thought it too warm to watch jam +in the back kitchen and that occupation, though it was the cooler of +the two, had the further disadvantage of being beneath his dignity. +The dignity was suffering a good deal; was it right, he asked himself, +that he, the man of the house, should have the menial task of watching +jam while Julia talked business with some one in the parlour? He did +not know what business this person had come on; he had seen him arrive +a few minutes back, had even heard his name—Mr. Alexander Cross—but +that was all he knew about him; Julia had taken him into the parlour +and shut the door. Naturally her father felt it and was annoyed.</p> + +<p>There was a door leading into the parlour from the front kitchen. It +was fast closed but the Captain, leaving the jam to attend to itself, +went and looked at it. While he was standing there he heard three +words spoken on the other side by the visitor; they were—"your new +daffodil."</p> + +<p>So that was the business this man had come on! He was trying to buy +Julia's ugly streaked flower. The Captain's weak mouth set straight; +he felt very strongly about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[301]</a></span> the daffodil and his daughter's refusal +to sell it. He knew she might have done so; she had had a good many +letters about it since it was exhibited in London. She said little +about the offers they contained, but he knew she refused them all; he +had taxed her with it and argued the question to no purpose. Now, +to-day, it seemed there was a man so anxious to buy the thing that he +had actually come to see her; and she, of course, would refuse again. +The Captain sat down in the easy-chair; he was overcome by the thought +of Julia's contrary stupidity.</p> + +<p>The chair was near the door, but he would have scouted the idea that +he was listening; he was a man of honour, and why should he wish to +hear Julia refuse good money? Also it was impossible to hear all that +was said unless the speakers were close to the door. Apparently they +must have been near for no sooner had he sat down than he heard the +man say, "Haven't I had the pleasure of seeing you somewhere before, +Miss Snooks? Your face seems familiar though I can't exactly locate +it."</p> + +<p>"We met at Marbridge," Julia answered; "at a dance, a year and a half +ago."</p> + +<p>"At Marbridge? Oh, of course! Funny I shouldn't have remembered when I +heard your name the other day!"</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington did not think it at all funny; he did not know who +Mr. Cross might be, nobody important he judged by his voice and +manner—hostesses at Marbridge often had to import extra nondescript +men for their dances. But whoever he was, if he had been there once he +might go there again and carry with him the tale of Julia's doings and +home and other things detrimental to the Polkington pride. The Captain +listened to hear one of the two in the other room refer to the change +of name which had prevented an earlier recognition. But<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[302]</a></span> neither did; +she saw no reason for it, and he had forgotten her original name if he +ever knew it.</p> + +<p>"I remember all about you now," he was saying; "you danced with me +several times and asked me about the Van Heigens' blue daffodil"—he +paused as if a new idea had occurred to him. "You were not in the line +then, I suppose?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"No, I knew nothing about flower growing or selling," she answered. +"What you told me of the value of the blue daffodil was a revelation +to me."</p> + +<p>He laughed a little. "But one you'll try to profit by," he said.</p> + +<p>The Captain moved in his chair. He could have groaned aloud at the +words, which represented precisely what Julia would not do. +Unfortunately his movement had much the same effect as his groan would +have done, some one on the other side of the door moved too, and in +the opposite direction. It must have been Julia, her father was sure +of it; it was like her to do it; she must have gone almost to the +window; he could not make out what was said. The man was no doubt +trying to buy the bulb; a stray word here and there indicated that, +but it was impossible to hear what offer was made. It was equally +impossible to hear what Julia said; her father only caught the +inflection of her voice, but he was sure she was refusing.</p> + +<p>In disgust and anger he rose and, having pulled the jam to the side of +the fire, went into the garden. There he took the hoe and started +irritably to work on a bed near the front door; it was some relief to +his feelings to scratch the ground since he could not scratch anything +else.</p> + +<p>In a little while Cross came out. "Well, if you won't, you won't," he +was saying as Julia opened the door. "I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[303]</a></span> think you are making a +mistake; in fact, if you weren't a lady I should say you were acting +rather like a fool; but, of course, you must please yourself. If you +think better of it you can always write to me. Just name the price, a +reasonable price, that's all you need do. We understand one another, +and we can do business without any fuss—you have my address?"</p> + +<p>He gave her a card as he spoke, although she assured him she should +not want it; then he took his leave.</p> + +<p>She watched him go, tearing up the card when he had set off down the +road. Captain Polkington watched her.</p> + +<p>"What did he want?" he asked, remembering that he was not supposed to +know.</p> + +<p>"The bulb," she answered.</p> + +<p>"And you would not sell it?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>She had come from the doorstep now to pull up some weeds he had +overlooked.</p> + +<p>"I can't understand you, Julia," he said resting on his hoe, and +speaking as much in sorrow as in anger. "You seem to have so little +sense of honour—women so seldom have—but I should have thought that +you would have had a lesson on the necessity, the obligation of paying +debts. When you come to think of the efforts we are making to pay +those debts, how I am straining every nerve, giving almost the whole +of my income, doing without everything but the barest necessaries, +without some things that are necessaries in my state of health, what +your mother is doing, how she has given up her home, her husband, to +live almost on charity in her son-in-law's house. When you think of +all that, I say, and of what your sisters have done, it does seem +strange that you should grudge this bulb, simply and solely because it +was given you by some people for whom you care nothing."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[304]</a></span></p> + +<p>Julia agreed; she never saw the purpose of contradicting when +conviction was out of the question. "It does seem strange," she said; +"but there is one comfort, the worst of the debts will be cleared off +by the end of the year. Uncle William knows that and has arranged for +it in his own mind; I really think it would be almost a pity to +disturb the business plans of any one so exact."</p> + +<p>"Are we," the Captain returned scornfully, "to pinch and save to the +end of the year? Am I to do without the few comforts that might make +life tolerable? Am I to work like a farm labourer and live like one +till then, because you choose to keep this bulb?"</p> + +<p>Julia thought it was very probable things would go on as they were for +some time, but she did not say so; she only said, "I am sorry you find +it so trying."</p> + +<p>"Trying!" her father said, and stopped, as if he found the word and +most others very inadequate. "After all, it does not much matter," he +remarked in a tone of gloomy resignation. "I shan't be here, in any +one's way, much longer; there is not the least chance that I shall +live till the end of the year, and when I am gone you can do what you +please, what you must, with your bulb. I own I should like to see you +a little more comfortable and better off now. I hate to have you doing +servant's work and going shabby as you have to. I should like you to +be decently dressed, taking your proper place in society, but if you +think it right to go on as you are and to keep your bulb, of course I +have nothing to say."</p> + +<p>It was as well he had nothing, for Julia remembered the jam and went +indoors, so he would have had no one to say it to. She went into the +back kitchen, thinking, but not of the jam. Once again the temptation +to sell the daffodil beset her; not to Cross, he was the last man to +whom she would have sold it, but to some collector who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[305]</a></span> would care for +it as the Van Heigens would. She could easily find such a one with or +without assistance from Cross; little harm would be done to the Van +Heigens by it; indeed Joost had expected her to do no less, and if she +did it she could pay—not the debts her father had mentioned—but the +one he had not. She had thought this all out before, seen the +arguments on both sides, and arrived at her conclusion; but there are +some things that are not content with this treatment once, nor even +twice, but demand it a good many more times than that. So she thought +it out again and came again to the old conclusion. Joost had given her +the bulb because he loved her; he had made no conditions because he +believed in her; he had even professed himself content that she should +sell it because, in his humbleness and generosity, he wanted only that +she should get what ease she could. He was content to make what was to +him a great sacrifice for no other reason than that she should have a +little more money on mere caprice, the very nature of which he did not +know. And so she could not do it, that was the end of the whole +matter. She could not take the gift of the man who loved her to pay a +debt to the man she loved.</p> + +<p>She went to fetch jam pots, without calling herself to order for the +last admission. It was the one luxury she had at that time; daily and +nightly she could admit to herself that she loved him and he loved +her. Not exactly passionately—they were not passionate people, she +told herself—but in an odd companionable equal sort of way which was +the best in the world. Nothing would ever come of it, even in the +remote future when her father was dead and the debt paid. By that time +both of them would have grown old and set in their far separate ways, +and even if he ever heard that she was free he would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[306]</a></span> have become +wiser and changed his mind. So there was no end to this thing, no +awakening and disillusioning, none of the disappointment and +dreariness which is likely to attend the translating of a dream into +work-a-day life. For that reason it should have been possible to be +content, even with the thing which stood between her and +realisation—sometimes it almost was, at least she persuaded herself +so. At others there were things harder to control; brief moments when +crushing down all opposition and obliterating other thoughts, came the +memory of how she had crouched behind the chopping-block, how hidden +her tears in his coat. There was no reason or common-sense in that, no +friendship or good-fellowship in the clasp of his arms; it was the +natural man and the natural woman, and absence could not change it, +nor time take it away; it had been, it might be again, it obeyed no +law and answered to no argument in the world. It was something which +made her ashamed and afraid and yet glad with a rare incommunical +gladness that was pointed with pain.</p> + +<p>Just then the jam boiled over, and she had to leave her pots to run +and save it.</p> + +<p>It is a great thing to have your mind under fair control; the +Polkington training, wherein the advisable and advantageous were +compelled to rank high even in matter of emotion, is not without use +in bringing this about. But it is also a great thing, almost, perhaps, +a more important one for some people, to have plenty to do even if it +is only making jam.</p> + +<p>While Julia made her jam Captain Polkington hoed; at least he did for +a little while, then he gradually ceased and stood leaning upon his +hoe, lost in unhappy thought. At last he moved, and, gathering the +withering weeds that lay beside the path, carried them to an old +basket<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[307]</a></span> which he had left beside the garden wall. With the weeds he +picked up the torn fragments of card which Julia had dropped beside +the doorstep; he let them fall into the basket with the other rubbish, +but when he saw them gleaming white among the green they arrested his +attention. For a moment he looked at them, then he carefully picked +them out; he had some thought of appealing to Julia once more, or +telling her that he had saved the man's address for her and she had +one last chance. He sat down on the wall; would it be any good to +appeal? he asked himself despondently. Would anything be any good? Was +not everything a failure? No one regarded him; Cross, the man whose +card he held, had not even glanced in his direction when he went down +the path. A miserable bargain-driving tradesman had passed him and +paid no more attention to him than if he had been a gardener! Gillat, +his own friend, did not regard him, thought nothing of his comforts; +he was all for Julia; thought of nothing and no one else. As for Julia +herself, she had not the slightest regard for him, no consideration, +not even filial respect and obedience.</p> + +<p>He looked gloomily before him for a little, then his eye fell on the +white fragments he held, the address of the man who was anxious to buy +the daffodil which Julia in her obstinate folly and selfish +unreasonableness, would not sell. If it only were sold! He thought +over all the good things that could then be done; they were the same +as those excellent reasons that he had himself given a little while +back. Some people might have said they were rather diverse and not all +mutually inclusive, but no such idea troubled him; he was sure all +could easily have been done if the daffodil were sold. He felt that he +could have done it all quite well, he did not stop to think how—if he +had had the handling of the money he could have been a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[308]</a></span> benefactor to +his whole family, especially Julia. It was hard that he should be +prevented, bitterly hard; it had so often happened in his life that he +had been prevented from doing what was good and useful by want of +means and opportunity or the stupid obstinacy of other people. He grew +more and more depressed as he sat on the wall thinking of these things +and wondering if there were many men so useless, so unfortunate and +misunderstood as he.</p> + +<p>This depression lasted all that day and on into the next; indeed, for +some time longer. It lifted a little once in the course of a week, but +not much, and soon settled down again, making the Captain very +miserable, disinclined for work, and decidedly bad company. Johnny +thought he was not well, but Julia fancied his trouble had something +to do with annoyance and the daffodil. He did not confide in either of +them, maintaining a proud and gloomy silence and nursing his grievance +so that it grew. For days he cherished his sense of injury and wrong, +until it became large and took a good hold upon him. Then, all at +once, for no reason that one can give, a change came, and his mind, as +if smitten by a gust of wind, began to veer about, to stir and +lighten. Why, he suddenly asked himself, was it that Julia would not +sell the bulb? Because—the answer was so absurdly simple he wondered +it had not occurred to him before—because it was the Van Heigens' +present, and one cannot sell presents. He perfectly understood the +scruple, honoured it even; but he also saw quite plainly that, though +it prevented her from selling the daffodil, it did not stand in the +way of its being sold. She could not, of course, authorise the sale, +any more than she could conduct it; but that was no reason why she +should not be very pleased to have it sold. Indeed, not only was this +a probability,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[309]</a></span> practically a certainty, but more than likely she had +had some such idea in her mind when she spoke of the matter to her +father—in all likelihood she was wondering now why he had not taken +the hint.</p> + +<p>Thus Captain Polkington reasoned, seeing light at last in the dimness +of the depression which had possessed him. Quite how much he really +believed, or even if he were capable of real reasonable belief at this +stage of his career, it is not easy to say. It is possible he may have +thought he was right for the time being; his conscience was capable of +remarkable gymnastic feats at times. It is also possible that he, like +some others of the human race, was not really able to think at all. +Anyhow the depression that weighed upon him lifted, and he remembered +with satisfaction that he had kept the torn fragments of Cross' card.</p> + +<p>In the early part of the summer the hyacinths, tulips, and finer +narcissus had been taken out of the ground and put to dry. Julia hoped +by this means to get more and better flowers from them next year than +is the case when they are left in the earth. They took some time to +dry and were not really ready till the summer was far advanced; but +that did not matter to her, however it may have inconvenienced her +father; she was too busy to attend to them earlier. By the middle of +August they were ready, and she set to cleaning them in her spare time +with Johnny to help her. He was proud and pleased to do so, and did +not in the least mind the extreme irritation of the skin which befalls +those who rub off the old loose husks. A place was prepared for the +bulbs in one of the sheds, the wide shelf cleared and partitions made +in it by Mr. Gillat, who also spent some time in writing labels for +each of the divisions. Julia told him this was unnecessary as she knew +by the shape which were hya<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[310]</a></span>cinths and which tulips; still he did it. +Captain Polkington did not offer any assistance; he merely looked on +with indifferent interest; the matter did not seem to concern him.</p> + +<p>But one day, towards the end of the month, but before the bulbs were +all done, Julia went into the town.</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington saw her start; then he wandered to the shed where +Johnny was at work. For a little he stood watching, then he walked +leisurely round the place looking at this and that.</p> + +<p>"You will never be able to tell which is which of these things," he +remarked at last.</p> + +<p>Johnny looked at his somewhat conspicuous labels. "I've named them, +don't you see 'Tulips?'"</p> + +<p>"But you don't say what sort of tulips, which are red and which +yellow. Nor what sort of narcissus, which are daffodils and which the +bunchy things."</p> + +<p>"No," Mr. Gillat admitted; "no, they got mixed in the digging up; I +forgot, and put them all in the barrow together; that's how it +happened."</p> + +<p>"What? The whole lot?" the Captain inquired. "The streaked daffodil +and all? What did Julia say?"</p> + +<p>"She said it did not matter," Johnny told him; "they'll be all the +more surprise to us when they come up next year."</p> + +<p>"She didn't mind, not even about the streaked daffodil?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, that was not there," Mr. Gillat said, serenely unconscious that +the fate of that bulb was the only interest. "We have got that by +itself."</p> + +<p>He showed a little piece of shelf penned off from the rest and +carefully covered with wire netting for fear of rats. Three different +shaped bulbs were there in a row.</p> + +<p>"That's it," Johnny said, pointing to one of the three.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[311]</a></span> "And that end +one is the red tulip with the black middle; it is supposed to be very +good; and that other is the double blue hyacinth from down by the +gate; we are going to try it in a pot in the house next year and have +it bloom early."</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington nodded, but did not show much interest. "Did you +put these here, or did she?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"She did," Johnny answered. "She cleans them much better than I do, +and we knew they were choice ones, the best one of each kind, so she +cleaned them; but I made the wire cover."</p> + +<p>The Captain did not praise the ingenuity of this contrivance, which he +did not admire at all, and soon afterwards he sauntered back to the +house. He was dozing in the easy-chair in the front kitchen when +Johnny came in to change his coat before setting out to meet Julia. He +did not seem to have moved much when Mr. Gillat came down-stairs ready +to start.</p> + +<p>"What?" he roused himself to say when Johnny announced his +destination. "Oh, all right, you need not have waked me to tell me +that, it really is of no importance to me if you like to walk in the +blazing sun." He settled himself afresh in the chair, muttering +something about the heat, and Johnny went out, quietly closing the +door after him.</p> + +<p>It was an hour later when Julia and the faithful Johnny came back, the +latter decidedly hot although he was carrying one of the lightest of +the parcels. Captain Polkington was still in his chair; he woke up as +they entered.</p> + +<p>"Why," he said, "I must have dropped asleep!" He rose and went to take +Julia's parcels. "Let me put these away for you," he said +solicitiously; "it is a great deal too hot for you to be walking in +the sun and carrying all these things."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[312]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Thank you," Julia answered; "that's all right. Perhaps you would not +mind getting the tea, though; if you would do that I should be glad."</p> + +<p>He did mind, but he set about it, and it was perhaps well for him that +he did, as otherwise he might have paid a suspicious number of fidgety +attentions to Julia. As it was, doing the menial work which he always +considered beneath his dignity, while Johnny sat still and rested, +restored him to his usual manner.</p> + +<p>But the Captain, though he was safely past the initial difficulty, did +not find the working out of his scheme altogether easy. He had the +bulb, it is true, and he was safe from detection for there was still +under the wire cover a smooth yellow-brown narcissus root very like +the first one; but he had got to get rid of it. It was not very easy +to get a letter to the post here without remark from Mr. Gillat. That, +in the circumstances, would be undesirable for it was likely to arouse +Julia's suspicions, and if they were roused she might think it her +duty to interfere—even though, of course, she did wish the bulb sold. +Her father recognised that and, determining not to give her the +opportunity, got his letter written betimes and waited for a chance to +give it to the postman unobserved. In writing he had been faced by one +very great difficulty, he had not the least idea how much to ask. +Cross had said "name a reasonable price," and he must name one, or +else it would appear that he were writing on his own behalf not +Julia's; but he did not know what was reasonable and he had no chance +of finding out. A new orchid, he had vaguely heard, was sometimes +worth a hundred pounds; but it was impossible any one should pay so +much for a daffodil, an ordinary garden flower. Julia, whatever her +motive, would not have refused to sell it if it would have fetched so +much; he could not con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[313]</a></span>ceive of a Polkington, especially a poor one, +turning her back on a hundred pounds. For hours he thought about this +and at last decided to ask twenty pounds. It seemed more to him now +than it would have done a year ago, by reason of the small sums he had +handled lately; but it was a good deal less than his golden dreams had +painted the bulb to be worth in the time when it seemed unattainable, +and he was paying debts and providing for Julia out of the proceeds of +the imaginary sale. Still, he finally decided to ask it and wrote to +that effect, and after some waiting for the opportunity got the letter +posted.</p> + +<p>After that there followed an unpleasant time or suspense, made the +more unpleasant by the fact that he had to look out for the postman as +he did not want the return letter to fall into Julia's hands. At last, +after a longer time than he expected, the reply came safely to hand. +This was it—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"<span class="smcap">Sir</span>,</p> + +<p>"I am obliged to decline your offer of the streaked daffodil +bulb, the price you name being absurd. To tell the plain +truth, I would rather not do business with you in the +matter; I prefer to deal with principals, else in these +cases there is little guarantee of good faith.</p></div> + +<p class="sig1">"Yours faithfully,</p> + +<p class="sig">"<span class="smcap">Alexander Cross.</span>"</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"P. S.—If you should fail to dispose of your bulb elsewhere +and it would be a convenience to you, I will give you a five +pound note for it, that is, if you can guarantee it genuine. +It is not, under the circumstances, worth more to me.</p></div> + +<p class="sig2">"A. C."</p> + +<p>So the Captain read and then re-read; anger, mortification and +disappointment preventing him from grasping<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[314]</a></span> the full meaning at +first. Five pounds, only five pounds! No wonder Julia would not sell +her bulb; no wonder she preferred to keep a present that would only +fetch five pounds! What was such a trifle? The Captain glared at the +letter as he asked himself the question proudly. His pride was badly +wounded. Cross had not set him right in his mistaken idea of the +daffodil's value too politely; at least he thought not. Why should he, +this tradesman, say he preferred to deal with principals? Did he +imagine that a gentleman would attempt to sell him a spurious bulb? +The Captain's honour was not of that sort and he felt outraged. He +felt outraged, too, almost insulted, at being told that the price was +absurd. The absurd thing was that he should be expected to know +anything about trade or trade prices. "The man can have no idea of my +position," he thought.</p> + +<p>But there he was not quite correct; it was precisely because he had a +suspicion of the position that Cross had written thus. No one with any +right to it would offer the true bulb for twenty pounds; either, so he +argued, it was stolen or not genuine; which, he did not know, the odds +were about even. After making a few inquiries at Marbridge into +Captain Polkington's history he came to the conclusion that the chance +in favour of the true bulb was worth five pounds to him. Accordingly +he offered it, indifferent as to the result, but rather anticipating +its acceptance.</p> + +<p>It was accepted. The Captain was mortified and disappointed, but five +pounds is five pounds. It even seems a good deal more when your income +is very small and the part of it which you handle yourself so much +smaller as to amount to nothing worth mentioning. It was September +now, and already the mornings and evenings were cold, foretaste of the +winter which was coming, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[315]</a></span> would hold the exposed land in its +grip for months. Five pounds would buy things which would make the +winter more tolerable; small comforts and luxuries meant a great deal +to real poverty in cold weather and feeble health. Of course to Johnny +and Julia too; they were all going to benefit. Captain Polkington +packed the bulb in a small box and posted it when he went to Halgrave +to have his hair cut.</p> + +<p>By return he received a five pound note—a convenient handy form of +money, easy to send, easy to change. Halgrave might not perhaps be +able to give change for it without inconvenience, but Julia could get +it changed next time she went into town. That would not be just yet, +but a note will keep; it would perhaps be better to keep it for the +present. The Captain folded it in his pocket-book and kept it.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[316]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX</h2> + +<h3>THE BENEFACTOR</h3> +<p>It was not till October that Captain Polkington was able to change the +five pound note. This was really Julia's fault, she went so seldom +into the town; he had once or twice suggested her doing so when she +said they wanted this or that, but she never took the hint, and the +note was still in his pocket-book. At last, however, the opportunity +came.</p> + +<p>A keeper's wife with whom Julia had got acquainted had promised her a +pair of lop-eared rabbits if she could come and fetch them. She was +not very anxious to have them, but Mr. Gillat was; he said they would +be very profitable. Julia doubted this; but, since he wanted them, she +said they would have them, and accordingly, one morning, they started +together with a basket for the rabbits. They started directly after +breakfast for they had to go a long way across the heath and could not +at the best be back before two o'clock. Captain Polkington watched +them go, standing at the cottage door until their figures were small +on the great expanse of heather. Then he went in and, sitting down, +wrote a hasty note to Julia; it was to the effect that he had been +obliged to go into town, but would be back by dark or soon after. It +read as quite a casual communication, as if he were in the habit of +going into town frequently and had much business to transact. The +Captain was rather satisfied with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[317]</a></span> it; he felt he was doing the +straightforward thing in telling Julia, his whole proceedings were +open and above board. When he came back he should tell her all about +the money, how it had been raised and how spent. She should have had +the spending of it herself if only she had gone to town when he +suggested it; as it was, he must do it; it was absurd to wait any +longer; the weather was already cold; he must go, and bring her some +pleasant surprise when he came back.</p> + +<p>Satisfied with these reflections and feeling already the glow of +beneficence, he dressed himself and set out for Halgrave. He had to +walk to the village and there take the carrier's cart which went into +town twice a week; he reflected, while he waited for the vehicle, how +fortunate it was that Julia and Johnny had chosen to go for the +rabbits to-day, one of the days when the carrier went to town. There +were a good many bundles going by the cart, and two other passengers +who were inclined to be too familiar until somewhat haughtily shown +their proper place. The Captain was a little annoyed by this; and +annoyed, also, to find that the carrier was not in the habit of +starting on the return journey till rather late, later than the note +would lead Julia to expect her father. But as the carrier was not one +to change his habits for anybody, that could not be helped and Captain +Polkington made the best of it. Julia was not likely to be anxious +about him, he was sure; and since he was going to tell her all about +his doings, it might as well be late as early. By this time he had +quite got rid of any qualms—if he ever had them—about the method of +getting and the intention of spending the note. He had almost +forgotten that it had not always been his, and was quite sure that he +was doing the right thing—for others as well as himself—in the +difficult circumstances which seemed to beset him more than the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[318]</a></span> +common run of men. Cheered by these thoughts he endured the +discomforts of the journey with moderate patience; he almost felt that +he was suffering them in a good cause, for the sake of Johnny and +Julia.</p> + +<p>The town was large and the centre of a large district, not at all like +the retired gentility of Marbridge, very much bigger and busier. +Captain Polkington, who had lived quietly so long, felt rather lost +and bewildered at first in the bustling intricate streets; there were +so many people, especially among the shops, they were always getting +in his way. He only made one purchase before lunch; he would have +plenty of time in the afternoon, he thought, and would be better able +to decide what to buy when he had seen things and had a meal. The +purchase made before lunch was at the wine merchants, it was whisky.</p> + +<p>He lunched at the best hotel; that and the whisky made a rather bigger +hole in the five pound note than one would have expected. Still, as he +told himself the whisky really was a vital matter with winter coming +on, a necessity, not a luxury, for all of them—Johnny would be better +for a little—he used to like a glass in the old days; and Julia would +certainly be the better for it, working as she did in the cold. It was +a medicine for them all, not himself alone. The lunch was the only +personal extravagance and really, seeing what he was doing for the +others, there was no need for him to grudge that to himself.</p> + +<p>So he lunched and then the trouble began. He was not clear quite how +it happened; at least, owing to the confusion there always was in his +mind between facts as they were, as he wished them to be, and as they +appeared in retrospect—he was never able to explain it thoroughly. +There were other men lunching at the same time; he still had the +Polkington faculty for making friends and ac<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[319]</a></span>quaintances; he still, +too, had the appearance and manner of a gentleman, if of somewhat +reduced circumstances. He apparently made acquaintances; exactly how +many and what sort is not certain, the account was very confused here. +There was a whisky and soda in it, two whiskies and sodas, or even +three; a cigar, a game of billiards—perhaps there was more than one +game, or some other game besides billiards. At all events there must +have been something more, for the Captain afterwards declared he was +ruined in less than an hour, fleeced, cheated of his little all! It is +quite possible that he was nothing of the kind, and that the +acquaintances were perfectly honest and honourable men. They would not +know he could not afford to lose, a true Polkington always set out to +hide the reality of his poverty. And he was not likely to win, he +seldom did, no matter at what he played or with whom; he was +constitutionally unlucky—or incapable, which is a truer name for the +same thing—it had always been so, even as far back as the old times +in India. That day he lost at something, that at least was clear; then +there was more whisky and soda and more losses, and perhaps more +whisky again; and so on until late in the afternoon, he found himself +standing, miserable and bewildered, in the main street of the town. +Some one had brought him there, a good-natured young fellow who +thought, not that he had spent all he ought, but that he had drunk all +he should.</p> + +<p>"Not used to it, you know," he had said with good-humoured apology; +"been rusticating out of the way so long. Better come out and get a +breath of air, it'll pull you together."</p> + +<p>And he persuaded him out, walked some way down the street with him and +then, seeing that he seemed all right, left him and went to attend to +his own business.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_320" id="Page_320">[320]</a></span></p> + +<p>For a little the Captain stood where he was, the depression, begotten +of whisky and his losses, growing upon him in the old overwhelming +way. No one took any notice of him; passers by jostled against him, +for the pavement was rather narrow, but no one paid any attention to +him. The bustle bewildered his weak head, and the noise and movement +of the traffic in the roadway irritated him unreasonably. A youth ran +into him and he exploded angrily with sudden weak unrestrained fury. +Thereat the boy laughed, and, when he shouted and stamped his foot, +ran away saying something impudent. The Captain turned to run after +him shaking his stick; but he was stiff and rheumatic and weak on his +legs, too, just now. It was no use to try and run. Of course it was no +use, nothing was any use now, he was a miserable failure, he could not +even run after a boy; he must bear every one's taunts; he could almost +have wept in self-pity. Then he became aware that several passers by +were looking at him curiously, arrested by the noise he had made. +Annoyed and ashamed he turned his back on them and pretended to be +examining the goods in a shop window near.</p> + +<p>It was a large draper's, rather a cheap one; the better shops were +higher up the street. In this one the things were all priced and +labelled plainly; the Captain at first did not notice this one way or +the other; he simply looked in to cover his confusion. But after a +little he became aware of what he looked at, and it recalled to his +mind the fact that he was going to buy something for Julia. He did not +quite know what, he had had large ideas at one time; they had had to +be diminished once because five pounds will not do as much as twenty; +they had to be diminished again because he had been fleeced of so much +of the five pounds. A wave of anger shook him as he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_321" id="Page_321">[321]</a></span> thought of that, +but he suppressed it; he felt that he must not give way, so he looked +steadily at the window. There were furs displayed there, muffs and +collarettes of skunk and other animals, even the humble rabbit +artistically treated to meet the insatiable female appetite for sable +at all prices. The Captain decided on the best collarette displayed +and turned towards the shop door feeling a little better in the glow +of benevolence that returned to him as he thought of how much he was +going to spend for Julia. Just as he was going in he caught sight of a +girl selling violets in the street. She was a good-looking impudent +girl, and catching his eye she pressed her wares on him glibly; he +hesitated, smiled—here was one who treated him as a man, who +considered it worth while. He looked defiantly at the passers by—he +was a man, not an object for curiosity or kindly contempt. He returned +the girl's glance with an ogle and, stepping as jauntily as he could +to the edge of the pavement, took a bunch of flowers with some +suitable pleasantry. Half-way through his remark he stopped dead; he +had felt in his pocket for a penny and found nothing. Quickly, +feverishly, almost desperately, he felt in the other pocket; +there were three coins there; by the size he could tell that one at +least was a penny; he took it out and gave it to the girl; he had not +the courage to put down the flowers and go without them. Then he +turned away. A narrow passage ran down between the draper's and the +next house; fewer people went that way and in the window there, common +and less expensive goods were displayed. The Captain went down the +foot-way and examined the two remaining coins. They were a shilling +and a penny.</p> + +<p>People passed and repassed along the main road; carts and carriages +rumbled over the uneven stones; no one heeded the shabby hopeless +figure by the side window.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_322" id="Page_322">[322]</a></span> They were lighting up in the draper's +though outside there was still daylight; the gas jets were considered +to make the place look more attractive. They shone warmly on the furs +and silk scarves in the front window, making them look rich and +luxurious. Two girls stopped to look in; then, their means being more +suitable to the goods there, they came to examine the side window. +They were two servants out for the afternoon; they wore winter coats +open over summer dresses and hats that might be called autumnal, +seeing that they were an ingenious blending of the best that was left +from the headgear of both seasons.</p> + +<p>"I shall get one of them woolly neck things, I shall," one said; +"they're quite as nice as fur and not so dear."</p> + +<p>The other could not agree. "Don't care about them myself," she said; +"I must say I like a bit of sable."</p> + +<p>"Can't get it under two and eleven," her companion rejoined; "and +those things are only a shilling three. Look at that pink one there; +it looks quite as good as feathers any day. I'm not so gone on sable +myself; you can't have it pink, and pink's my colour."</p> + +<p>They moved on to another window; they, no more than the passers by, +noticed the old man who stood just at their elbow. When they had gone +he looked drearily in where they had looked. There were the woolly +things they had spoken of, short woven strips of loopy wool, to be +tied about the neck by the two-inch ribbons that dangled from the +ends. "Ostrich wool boas in all colours, price, one shilling and three +farthings," they were ticketed. He read the ticket mechanically. He +still held his two coins; he held them mechanically; had he thought +about it he would scarcely have troubled to do so, they were so +cruelly, so mockingly inadequate. He read the ticket again; it +obtruded itself upon him as trivial things do at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_323" id="Page_323">[323]</a></span> unexpected times. +But now its meaning began to be impressed upon his brain—"one +shilling and three farthings"—that, then, was the interpretation of +the servant girl's "shilling three." He had a shilling and a penny—a +shilling and three farthings. He could buy one of those ostrich wool +boas—he would buy it—that pink one for Julia.</p> + +<p>The Halgrave carrier made it a rule to receive his passengers' fares +at the beginning of the expedition; if they were coming back as well +as going with him they paid for the double journey at the outset in +the morning. Captain Polkington had so paid, and it was that fact, +coupled with the early arrival at the stables of his one purchase, +which induced the carrier to wait nearly half-an-hour for him. The +cart was packed, everything was ready, and the good man and the only +other passenger he was taking back were growing impatient, when the +Captain, carrying a small crushed paper parcel, appeared. He had lost +his way to the stables and had wandered hopelessly in his efforts to +find it. The carrier was rather short-tempered about it, and the other +passenger said something to the effect that "They didn't oughter let +him out alone!" The Captain payed no attention but climbed into the +back of the cart and sat down near his whisky. The other passenger got +up beside the driver, and in a few minutes they were lumbering down +the crooked streets. Soon they were out of the town and jogging +quietly along the quiet lanes; the driver leaned forward to get a +light from his passenger's pipe; his face for a moment showed ruddy in +the glow of the one lamp, then it sunk into gloom again. Captain +Polkington did not notice; he did not notice the voices in +intermittent talk, or the fume of their tobacco that hung on the moist +air and mingled<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_324" id="Page_324">[324]</a></span> with the scent of the drooping violets in his coat. +He knew nothing and was aware of nothing except that he was the most +miserable, the most unfortunate of men. Throughout the whole +interminable journey he dwelt on that one thing as he sat by his +whisky in the dark, clutching tightly the soft paper parcel and +finding his only fragment of comfort in it. He had after all bought +something; poor, disappointed, fleeced as he was, he had spent his +last money in buying a present for his daughter.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_325" id="Page_325">[325]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI</h2> + +<h3>THE GOING OF THE GOOD COMRADE</h3> +<p>The cottage was very quiet. Although it was not late, both Captain +Polkington and Johnny had gone to bed, the one to suit himself, the +other to oblige Julia; she was in the kitchen now, as completely alone +as she could wish. And certainly she did wish it; by the hard light in +her eyes and the grim look about her mouth it was clear she was in no +mood for company. She had got at the truth that evening, or most of +it; the whole affair, with the exception of one point only, was quite +plain to her; not by her father's wish or intention, but plain none +the less. Subterfuge was an art the Polkingtons understood so well +that it was exceedingly difficult to deceive them; Julia was the most +difficult of them all to deceive, and the Captain was least clever at +subterfuge; it was not wonderful, therefore, that she knew nearly all +there was to know. Her heart was bitter within her, but against +herself as well as against her father—after all he had but done what +she had once thought to do. She had stayed her hand because the one +who owned the daffodil was a child to her. Her father had had no such +reason for staying his; the one who owned this daffodil was as cunning +as he. He had done what he had, badly of course he could not do +otherwise—a foredained failure such as he—bungled it hopelessly; but +the idea was the same—a bad travesty of a bad idea, badly worked out. +For a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_326" id="Page_326">[326]</a></span> moment her mind glanced aside from the main issue in disgust +and contempt for the method. It was sin without genius, a puerile +theft without adequate return, a miserable fall, and for such a +purpose! To expect to find the streaked daffodil unguarded in an +outhouse! To sell it for five pounds and think to spend the money on +creature comforts! It is hard to say which of the three was the worst. +The really good have little idea how such fool's knavery looks to the +shadily clever; it brings home to them the wrongness of wrong, +disgusting them with it and with themselves, as no preaching in the +world can.</p> + +<p>The moon had risen by this time; its first beams shone in at the +unshuttered window. Julia went to the door and, opening it, looked +out. There was a little mist about and the moon, quite a young one, +was struggling through it, shining with a soft, diffused light that +made the landscape very unearthly.</p> + +<p>It was wonderfully still out of doors, quiet and damp with belts of +unexplained shadow here and there, and a sense of illimitable space +and silence. Julia sat down on the door steps and smelt the good smell +of the earth and felt the nearness of it. But it did not comfort her; +she was not in tune with the night; she had neither part nor lot with +these things. "Thief, and daughter of a thief;" the words kept coming +to her—and he, the man whom she never named to herself, had called +her his good comrade! She bowed her face to her knees and sat +motionless.</p> + +<p>She had told him the truth about herself; she had not been ashamed; +she would not have been even if she had taken the daffodil. But her +father! She was ashamed for him with a bitter shame; ashamed of +herself and him too, in thought and intention at least they were one, +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_327" id="Page_327">[327]</a></span>double-dealers. "Two grubby little people," as she had seen them long +ago when they first stood in company with that man.</p> + +<p>"But you don't know; you have not our temptations." She almost spoke +aloud, unconsciously addressing the dewy silence as her mind called +the man plainly before her. "You have never wanted money as I wanted +it, or wanted things as father wanted them. Oh, you would despise the +things he wanted—so do I; they are miserable and mean and sordid; you +couldn't want whisky and comfort as he wanted them, but you can't +think how he did! He would have justified it to himself too; you +wouldn't, couldn't do that, while we—we could justify the devil if we +tried. It is not right, any the more for that, I know it is not; it is +dishonest and disgraceful, I know that as well as you; but I know how +it came about and you—you can never understand!" Her voice sank away. +That was the great difference between herself and this man; it did not +lie in what she did; that was a remedial matter—but rather in what +she knew and felt. Things that did not exist for him were not only +possible but sometimes almost necessary to her and hers. The gulf +between them which had almost seemed bridged in the early summer was +suddenly opened again by the day's work; opened beyond all passage for +her—thief, and daughter of a thief.</p> + +<p>She sat on the doorstone looking out with unseeing eyes while the moon +rose higher and the light grew so that the belts of shadow melted and +the misty land was all silver, a world of dreams, very pure and still. +But neither her dreams nor her thoughts were pure and still; they were +full of passion and pain, longing and regret and shame, and yet an +underlying hopeless desire that all could be known and understood.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_328" id="Page_328">[328]</a></span></p><p>At last she rose and went in. The pink woolly thing Captain +Polkington had bought her lay on the kitchen-table, half out of its +paper wrappings, a silly, useless thing. As her eyes fell on it they +grew dim and hot while the colour crept up in her cheek. Her father +had bought it for her; he had thought to please her with the foolish +thing; it was like a child's or a fool's gift; she hated herself for +hating it. But he had deceived himself into thinking he was generous +to make it with his illgotten gains; he had salved conscience with +it—it was a liar's gift, a self-deceiver's, a thief's. There was no +kindness, no generosity in it, and she despised him—and he was her +father!</p> + +<p>She picked up the thing, paper and all, and crammed it into the dying +fire. Then suddenly she burst into tears. The world was all wrong, +justice was wrong and suffering was wrong and mankind wrong, all was +wrong and inexplicable and pitiful too.</p> + +<p>For a minute she sobbed chokingly, then she forced back the tears with +the angry impatience of a hurt animal, and fetching a sheet of paper +and pencil, sat down to write. He was her father and he was a man with +a warped idea of honour, one whose self-respect had been taken away; +it was too late to teach him, one could only safeguard him now. +Opportunity did not make thieves of such as her, but it did of such as +him, and she had left the opportunity—or what he took to be it—open. +She would close it now for ever; she would be rid of the bulb, the +cause of so much trouble. So she wrote hurriedly, a mere scrawl, while +the passion was still upon her, and her eyes were still dim with +tears—</p> + +<p>"Joost, if you have ever cared for me, take back the daffodil; take it +back and don't ask me why."</p> + +<p>The next morning Julia posted a small parcel, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_329" id="Page_329">[329]</a></span> at dinner time told +Johnny and her father that she had sent the famous daffodil back to +its native land.</p> + +<p>Johnny looked up in mild surprise; he had been to the outhouse that +morning to see if the bulbs were keeping dry. "Why," he said, "it's in +the shed!"</p> + +<p>"No, it is not," Julia answered, "and it never was. The one you think +it is one of the large double pale ones; I told you at the time we put +them away, but you have got mixed, I expect."</p> + +<p>"Ah, yes, of course," Mr. Gillat said; "I remember now; of course, I +remember."</p> + +<p>The Captain swallowed something, but contrived to keep quiet, and only +darted a glance at Johnny, the muddler, whose information could never +be depended on.</p> + +<p>When the meal was over and Mr. Gillat in the back kitchen, Captain +Polkington spoke to his daughter.</p> + +<p>"Julia," he said, moistening his dry lips, "that man Cross thought it +was the streaked daffodil that I, that—"</p> + +<p>His voice tailed away, but Julia only said, "Well?"</p> + +<p>"I pledged by word of honour that it was the true one."</p> + +<p>Again Julia said, "Well?"</p> + +<p>"What is to be done?" the Captain asked.</p> + +<p>She showed no signs of grasping his meaning or at all events of +helping him out. He burst out irritably, "What on earth have you sold +it for? Nothing would induce you to do so before when I asked you to; +now, all at once you have taken a freak and parted with it without any +consideration whatever. I never saw anything like women, so utterly +irrational!"</p> + +<p>"I have not sold it," Julia told him; "only sent it away."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_330" id="Page_330">[330]</a></span></p> + +<p>"What for? It is perfectly absurd! I suppose you can get it back? You +must get it back."</p> + +<p>Julia asked "What for?" in her turn.</p> + +<p>The Captain enlightened her. "There is Cross," he said; "I told him +that was the daffodil, and it is not. Something must be done; we can't +cheat him; we must send him the daffodil, or else refund the five +pounds. We should have to do that—and we can't."</p> + +<p>"No," Julia agreed grimly; "and we would not if we could."</p> + +<p>"But what are you going to do?" her father asked.</p> + +<p>"Nothing."</p> + +<p>"Nothing! But I pledged my word! You don't understand, I am in honour +bound."</p> + +<p>Julia forbore to make and comment on her father's notion of honour; +indeed, it struck her as almost pathetic in its grotesqueness and +certainly very characteristic of the Polkingtons.</p> + +<p>"Cross paid five pounds for the streaked daffodil," the Captain went +on to say, believing that he was stating the case with +incontrovertible plainness, "and if he does not have the true bulb he +must have the money back; otherwise he will, with justice, say he has +been cheated, for I guaranteed the thing."</p> + +<p>"He paid five pounds for a speculation," Julia said; "your guarantee +was nothing, and though he may have asked for it, it was just a form +and did not count one way or the other. He knew there was a chance +that you had come by the true bulb somehow and so had it to sell; he +risked five pounds on that—and lost it."</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington looked bewildered. "He paid five pounds for the +bulb," he persisted; "he said it was worth no more to him."</p> + +<p>"Very likely not, if he could get it for that," Julia<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_331" id="Page_331">[331]</a></span> said; "but if +he could have been sure of it, it would have been worth two hundred +pounds."</p> + +<p>"Two hundred!" Captain Polkington gasped, turning rather white.</p> + +<p>Julia nodded. "With my guarantee," she said. "You had not got that; I +suppose you let him see it when you wrote first so he knew that, +though you might have the real bulb, you were not in a position to +sell it well."</p> + +<p>The Captain flushed as suddenly as he had paled. "You think he thought +I had not come by it honestly, that I had no right in my daughter's +affairs?"</p> + +<p>"I don't see it matters what he thought," Julia answered, taking up +the dishes. "He risked his money, and lost it, knowing very well what +he did; he does not mind doing business in that way; I don't admire it +myself, but I guessed he would do it when I first made his +acquaintance."</p> + +<p>"You ——" the Captain said.</p> + +<p>"I have nothing to do with it, and shall have nothing."</p> + +<p>"But the money must be paid; it is a debt of honour; I must clear +myself."</p> + +<p>Julia shrugged her shoulders.</p> + +<p>"You do not wish me cleared?" her father demanded haughtily.</p> + +<p>"Paying the five pounds would not clear you," she said; "neither that +nor anything else. No, I am not going to pay it; I don't feel any +obligation in the matter. If Mr. Cross goes in for those sort of +dealings he must put up with the consequence, and I am afraid you +must, too." And with that she went away.</p> + +<p>This was the last reference that was made to the sale of the daffodil +and the expedition to town; after that the matter was left out of +conversation and Julia behaved as if it had never existed. But Captain +Polkington was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_332" id="Page_332">[332]</a></span> very unhappy; he could not get over the affair and his +own failure; he brooded over it in silence, feeling and resenting that +he could not speak to either Johnny or Julia, they being quite unable +to understand his emotions. Once or twice he raged weakly against +Cross, who had given him five pounds when he had asked twenty for a +thing worth two hundred; who had doubted his word, who had behaved as +if he were a common thief—who would, doubtless, think him one. More +often his indignation burnt up against Julia who would do nothing to +remedy this last catastrophe, and clear him and reinstate his honour +in the eyes of this man and himself. Most often of all his quarrel was +with fate, and then his anger broke down into self-pity as he thought +of all the troubles that were crowding about his later years; of his +lost reputation, his lack of sympathy and comprehension; the failure +of all his plans and hopes, the poverty and feeble health that +oppressed him. In these gloomy days he had one ray of comfort only; it +lay in the purchase he had made on that day that he went shopping. +That whisky was the solitary thing in the day's adventure about which +Julia had not heard; everything else she had been told, but somehow +that had escaped. One reason of this, no doubt, lay in the fact that +Captain Polkington had not brought his purchase home with him that +evening. He had meant to; when the carrier set him and his property +down just outside Halgrave, he had fully meant to carry it to the +cottage. But he found it so heavy and cumbersome in his weak and +dejected state that he had to give it up. So he found a suitable +hiding-place in the deep overgrown ditch beside the road, and, +thrusting it as much out of sight as he could, left it there and went +home unburdened. He meant to tell Julia and Johnny about it, they of +course were to have shared, and one or<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_333" id="Page_333">[333]</a></span> both of them would go with him +to fetch it home in the morning. But he did not tell them; it did not +seem suitable at first; they, each in a different way, were too +unsympathetic about the expedition to town; he determined to wait for +a fitting opportunity. The opportunity did not come; but in course of +time the whisky was moved and gave comfort of sorts during the autumn +days to the Captain's drooping spirits, if it had a less beneficial +effect on his failing health.</p> + +<p>In the meantime the daffodil, "The Good Comrade," had gone back to its +native land, and with it an appeal, written in English, badly written, +scrawled almost—but not likely to be refused. Joost read it through +once, twice, more times than that; it said little, only, take back the +bulb and ask no questions, yet he felt he had been honoured by Julia's +confidence. The very style and haste of the letter seemed an honour to +him; it showed him she had need and had turned to him in it. Of course +he would do as she asked; he would have done things far harder than +that. He folded the slip of paper and put it away where he kept some +few treasures, and for a time he put with it the bulb she had sent; +and sometimes when he went to bed of a night—he had no other free +time—he took both out and looked at them.</p> + +<p>But "The Good Comrade" did not remain locked away from the light of day. +Joost was a sentimentalist, it is true, and the bulb had come from +Julia, winged by an appeal from her. But he was also a bulb grower, +and he was that before he was anything else and afterwards too, and +the daffodil was a marvel of nature, a novelty, a thing beyond words +to a connoisseur. The lover asked that the token should be kept hidden +from the eyes of men; but the grower cried that the flower should be +given to the light of heaven and should grow and bloom accord<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_334" id="Page_334">[334]</a></span>ing to +Nature's plan. For days the lover was uppermost and the old pain back. +But in time the bitter-sweet madness died down again and, in the +atmosphere which was saturated with the beloved work, the old love, +the first and last and soundly abiding one, reasserted itself. The +daffodil must bloom, the little brown bulb must go back to the brown +earth, the strange flower must unfold itself to the sun and wind and +rain.</p> + +<p>So he went to his father. "My father," he said, and it is to be feared +he had learnt something of guile from the source of his bitter-sweet +madness. "My father, I have heard from Miss Julia; she would wish us +to have the narcissus 'The Good Comrade.'"</p> + +<p>Mijnheer was pleased. "That is as it should be," he said; he had felt +strongly about the gift of the bulb in the first instance, but that +was an affair over and done with long ago between him and his son. He +did not reopen it now, he was only gratified to think there was a +likelihood of the daffodil coming back to its birthplace, where it +certainly ought to be. "How much does Miss Julia ask for it?" he +inquired.</p> + +<p>"Nothing," Joost answered; "she does not wish to sell it; she wishes +to give it back."</p> + +<p>"But, but!" Mijnheer exclaimed, pushing up his spectacles in +astonishment; he knew the value of the thing and the offers that must +have been made for it; this way was not at all his notion of doing +business; also he found it hard to reconcile with the Julia he +remembered. He recollected talk he had had with her when she had +proved herself an apt pupil in trade and trade dealings, and shown, +not only a very good comprehension of such things, but also an eye to +the main chance. "This is nonsense," he said; "it is not business."</p> + +<p>Joost looked distressed. "I gave her the bulb," he ventured; "she does +not want to sell me back my present."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_335" id="Page_335">[335]</a></span></p> + +<p>Mijnheer did not recognise any such distinction in business +transactions, and for a little it looked as if "The Good Comrade" +would be sent wandering again, sacrificed to his old-fashioned notions +of integrity. Joost should not have it unless he paid for it, he said +so with decision. He himself would buy it if Joost would not, and if +she would not sell it to him then neither of them should have it.</p> + +<p>And Joost could not, even if he would, explain why and how the paying +was so difficult. He used all the arguments he could; indeed, for one +of his nature, he spoke with considerable diplomacy.</p> + +<p>"Supposing," he said at last, "that it was only a sport, and that next +year it reverts and is blue as are the others, the parent bulbs? Miss +Julia thinks of that—she would not like to be paid for it now in case +of such a thing, will you not at least wait until the spring? She has +given nothing for it herself; it is not as if she had sunk money and +wants an immediate return."</p> + +<p>Mijnheer did not consider that made any difference and he said so, +reading his son a lecture on business morality according to his +standard, of a very severe order. Joost listened with meekness to the +entirely undeserved reproof for meanness and dishonourable views; then +the old man announced finally what he should do. He should write to +Julia and offer her a smallish sum down in case the bulb proved to be +of no great worth, and a promise of a proportional percentage +afterwards if it proved valuable. This idea pleased him very well; it +satisfied his notions of integrity and fair dealing and also his +thrifty soul, which found trying the otherwise unavoidable duty of +paying a long price for what had been freely given. From this Joost +could not move him, so there was nothing for him to do but write +distressfully to Julia and explain and apologise.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_336" id="Page_336">[336]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXII" id="CHAPTER_XXII"></a>CHAPTER XXII</h2> + +<h3>THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE</h3> +<p>Julia was at work in the kitchen; it was ten o'clock on a November +morning and she was busy; Captain Polkington had had breakfast +up-stairs, he often did now, and it delayed the morning's work. Mr. +Gillat brought in two letters which the postman had left; both were +for Julia, but she had not time to read them now, so she put them down +on the table; they would keep; she did not feel greatly interested to +know what was inside them. Things did not interest her as they used; +in some imperceptible way she had aged; some of the elasticity and +youth was gone, perhaps because hope was gone. It had been dying all +the summer, ever since the day when she crouched behind the +chopping-block; but gently and gradually, as the year dies, with some +beauties unknown in early days and little recurrent spurts of hope and +youth, like the flowers that bloom into winter's lap. But it was dead +now; there had come to her, as it were, a sudden frost, and, as +befalls in the years, too, the late blooming flowers, the coloured +leaves, the last beautiful clinging remnants of life withered all at +once and fell away. It was unreasonable, perhaps, that the Captain's +theft of the daffodil and what arose from it should have had this +result; but then it was possibly unreasonable that hope and youth +should have had any autumn at all and not died right off when she said +"No" and meant it that after<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_337" id="Page_337">[337]</a></span>noon in the early summer. But then the +mind of man—and woman—is unreasonable.</p> + +<p>It was nearly half-an-hour later when Julia picked up the letters; +both were from Holland; one, she fancied, was from Mijnheer, one from +his son. She opened the latter first; she rather wondered what Joost +could have to write about; he had acknowledged the receipt of the +daffodil bulb long ago. The matter was soon explained; the letter was +as formal and precise as ever, but the emotion that dictated it, the +distress and regret, was quite clear to Julia in spite of the primness +of expression. Clear, too, to her were the conflicting feelings that +lay behind the lover's contrition for what he feared was abuse of his +mistress's trust, and the grower's desire that the treasured token +should be resolved into, what it was, a wonderful bulb, a triumph of +the horticulturist. Julia smiled a little sadly as she read; not that +she regretted the existence of the grower with the lover; she was glad +to see it and to know that it was triumphing. But the whole affair +seemed so far off, so unimportant, so almost childish. She did not +care who knew he had the daffodil, or whether it bloomed or rotted. In +these days, when her self-apportioned burden was beginning to press +heavily upon her shoulders, such things did not seem to matter. She +had a sense almost of disloyalty in feeling how little it mattered to +her when it appeared to be so much to this loyal friend.</p> + +<p>Captain Polkington had of late had several sudden attacks of a +faintness which more often than not amounted to unconsciousness. +"Heart," the doctor had said when he was summoned after the first one; +he had not regarded them as very dangerous, that is to say not likely +to prove fatal at any moment if properly treated at the time. He had +given instructions as to suitable treatment, emphasis<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_338" id="Page_338">[338]</a></span>ing the fact +that the patient ought never to be long out of ear-shot of some one, +as the attacks required immediate remedy. He forbade excitement and +much exertion, orders easy to fulfil in this case, and also stimulants +of all sorts, an order not quite so easy. Captain Polkington was much +displeased about this last; he said it plainly showed the doctor a +fool who did not know his business; stimulant, as every one knew, +being the first necessity for a weak heart. Julia pointed out that +that must vary with the constitution, nature and disease; she also +recalled the fact that alcohol never had suited her father. He was +naturally not convinced by her logic, and so was decidedly sulky; even +in time, by dint of dwelling upon the subject, came to regard the +treatment as a conspiracy to annoy him. Julia regretted this but did +not think it mattered very much, seeing that she had the keys; but +then she did not know of that purchase made in the town. The Captain, +rebelling against the doctor's order, hugged himself as he thought of +it and of the comparatively sparing use he had made of it so far—for +fear of being found out. There was no need of him to die by inches +while he had that store of life and comfort; so he told himself, and +secretly made use of it, with anything but good result. Julia, marking +the disimprovement in his health, thought it was the natural course +and saved him all work, carrying out the doctor's instructions more +carefully than ever. The hidden whisky remained unknown to her, for +although in the larger affairs of duplicity and diplomacy she easily +outmatched her father, in matters requiring small cunning he was much +nearer her equal. In this one he showed almost preternatural skill; +his whole heart was in it, and his wits, where it was concerned, were +sharpened above the average; he clung to his secret as a man clings to +his one chance of life, made only the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_339" id="Page_339">[339]</a></span> more pertinacious by the +contrary advice he had received. But on that November morning, after +Julia had brought her father round by the proper remedies, she began +to have suspicions. They were not founded on anything definite; she +could not imagine how he should have got stimulant, and his condition +hardly justified her in suspecting it, yet she did. And Captain +Polkington knew by experience that that was enough to prove +unpleasant; it did not matter much at which end Julia got hold of his +affairs, she had a knack of arriving at the middle before he was at +all ready for her. He resented what she said to him that morning very +much indeed. He denied everything and defended himself well; although +he was in fear all the time that some unwary word or unwise denial +should betray him to his cross-examiner who, being herself no mean +expert in the double-dealing arts, could frequently learn as much from +a lie as from the truth. In the end, what between anxiety and +annoyance, he lost control of his temper and from peevish irritability +broke out suddenly into a fit of weak ungovernable rage. Julia was +obliged at once to desist, seeing with regret that she had +transgressed one of the doctor's rules and excited the patient very +much indeed.</p> + +<p>She left him to recover control of himself and went to look for Mr. +Gillat.</p> + +<p>"Johnny," she said, when she found him. "I believe father has got +whisky. I don't know where, but I shall have to find out; you must +help me."</p> + +<p>Johnny professed his willingness, looking puzzled and unhappy; he +looked so at times, again now, for even he had begun to discern a +shadow coming on the life which for a year had been so happy to him.</p> + +<p>"You will have to keep a watch on father," Julia said. "He won't do +much while I am watching; he will wait till<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_340" id="Page_340">[340]</a></span> he is alone with you. +Don't try to prevent him; that is no good; just watch and tell me."</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat said he would, though he did not like the job, and +certainly was ill-fitted for it. Julia knew that, but knew also that +to discover anything she must depend a good deal upon him, unless she +could by searching light upon the store of spirit which she could not +help thinking her father had in or near the house. She determined to +make a systematic search; but before she did so she found time to open +Mijnheer's letter.</p> + +<p>It was rather a long letter and very neat. It set forth in formal +Dutch the old man's ideas concerning the daffodil bulb and his offer +regarding it. It should be kept, he said, if it was paid for, not +otherwise. Something now, she was to name her terms, while it was +still uncertain whether its flower would be blue or streaked or even +common yellow—more later, in accordance with the flowering and the +profits likely to arise.</p> + +<p>So Julia read and sat staring. An offer for "The Good Comrade." Money +from the people to whom it had always practically belonged in her +estimation. She could not take it from them, it was impossible; the +thing was virtually their own! But if she did not. She re-read Joost's +letter with its protestations, and Mijnheer's with its offer—if she +did not, the little brown bulb would be sent back to her. Mijnheer, +now that he knew of its coming, would insist on its return unless it +were paid for; and Joost, she knew very well, would not deceive his +father and keep it secretly, or defy his father and keep it openly; +the money or the bulb she must have. And the bulb she could not, would +not have again; so the money, unearned, distasteful, having a not too +pleasant savour, must be hers. At last, in this way, without her +contriv<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_341" id="Page_341">[341]</a></span>ance, against her will, there had come a way to pay the debt +of honour!</p> + +<p>She sat down and wrote to Mijnheer and named her price. Thirty pounds +she asked for, no more in the future, no less now; that was the only +price she could take for "The Good Comrade," it was the sum +Rawson-Clew had paid to his cousin two years ago.</p> + +<p>Johnny posted the letter that afternoon while Julia began her search +for her father's hidden whisky.</p> + +<p>All the afternoon Captain Polkington sat in the easy-chair, watching +her contemptuously when she was in sight and moving uneasily when she +was not. He did not think she would find anything, at least not at +once, though he was afraid she would if she kept on long enough and he +left his treasure in its present hiding-place. It would not last so +much longer—he dared not contemplate the time when it should all be +gone; it was characteristic of him that he was easily able to avoid +doing so. The principal thought in his mind was a determination that +it should not be found while any remained. That could not and should +not happen; the last little which he had carefully hoarded, which he +had stinted and deprived himself to save—to have that taken away, to +be robbed of that—the tears gathered in his eyes at the pathos of the +thought.</p> + +<p>But the whisky was not found that day, and the Captain, who slept but +badly at this time, lay awake long in the night planning how and when +he could move it to a place of safety further away from the house. He +would have gone down then and there, in spite of the fact that it was +a blustering night of wind and rain and he not fitted to go out in +such weather, but he was afraid of Julia. She was certain to hear and +follow; she had almost an animal's alertness when once she was on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_342" id="Page_342">[342]</a></span> +trail of anything. So he lay and planned and waited, hoping that a +chance would come during the next day.</p> + +<p>It did not. Julia was at home all day and, as she had foreseen, he +made no move while she was about. But the following morning she had to +go to Halgrave about the killing of a pig; Johnny was hardly equal to +making the necessary arrangements and certainly could not do so good +as she. Accordingly, she went herself, not very reluctantly, for she +was nearly certain her father would make an effort to get at his +whisky, if he had any, as soon as her back was turned, and so give +Johnny a chance of finding out about it. Of course it was quite likely +that Johnny, being Johnny, would miss the chance, but he might not, +and even if he did they would not be much worse off than before. So +she thought as she started, leaving the Captain, who was still in bed, +with a very vague idea as to when she would be back.</p> + +<p>He was a good deal annoyed by this vagueness; it meant he would have +to hurry, a thing he hated and did very badly; and, perhaps, entirely +without reason, too, for she might be three hours gone; though, +equally of course, only two, or perhaps—she was capable of anything +unpleasant and unexpected—only one. He began to dress as quickly as +he could; but, owing to long habit of doing it as slowly as he could +so as to postpone more arduous tasks, that was not very fast. He +wished he had known sooner that Julia was going to Halgrave, he would +have begun getting up before this; he would even have got to breakfast +if only she had let him know; so he fumed to himself as he shuffled +about, dropping things with his shaking fingers. At last he was +dressed and came down-stairs to find Johnny, pink and apologetic as he +used to be in the Marbridge days, laboriously doing odd jobs which did +not need doing.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_343" id="Page_343">[343]</a></span></p> + +<p>There was not a detective lost in Mr. Gillat, he had not the making of +a sleuth-hound in him; or even a watch-dog, except, perhaps, of that +well-meaning kind which gets itself perennially kicked for incessant +and incurable tail wagging at inopportune times. The half-hour which +followed Captain Polkington's coming down-stairs was a trying one. The +Captain went to the back door to look out; Mr. Gillat followed him, +though scarcely like his shadow; he was not inconspicuous, and neither +he nor his motive were easy to overlook. The Captain said something +approbious about the weather and the high wind and occasional +heavy swishes of rain; then he went to the sitting-room which lay +behind the kitchen, and near to the front door. Johnny followed him, +and the Captain faced round on him, irritably demanding what the devil +he wanted.</p> + +<p>"To—to see if the register is shut," Mr. Gillat said, beaming at his +own deep diplomacy and the brilliancy of the idea which had come to +him—rather tardily, it is true, still in time to pass muster.</p> + +<p>The Captain flung himself into a chair with a sigh of irritation. "It +is a funny thing I can't be let alone a moment," he said. "I came in +here for a little quiet and coolness, I didn't want you dodging after +me."</p> + +<p>"No," Johnny agreed amiably; "no, of course not." Then, after a long +pause, as if he had just made sure of the fact, "It is cool in here."</p> + +<p>It was, very; it might even have been called cold and raw, for there +had not been a fire there for days, but the Captain did not move, and +Johnny, stooping by the fire-place, examined the register of the +chimney, fondly believing in his own impenetrable deceptiveness.</p> + +<p>"I can't help thinking it ought to be shut," he observed,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_344" id="Page_344">[344]</a></span> looking +thoughtfully up the chimney; "the rain will come down; it might rain a +good deal if the wind were to drop."</p> + +<p>"The wind is not going to drop for hours," the Captain snapped; "it is +getting higher."</p> + +<p>A great gust rumbled in the chimney as he spoke, and flung itself with +the thud of a palpable body against the window-pane. Mr. Gillat heard +it; he could not well do otherwise. "Still," he said, "it might rain; +one never knows."</p> + +<p>He took hold of the register with the tongs and tried to shut it. It +was obstinate, and he pulled this way and that, working in his usual +laborious and conscientious way. At last it slipped and he managed to +get it jammed crossways. Thus he had to leave it, for Captain +Polkington, apparently cool enough now, wandered back into the +kitchen.</p> + +<p>Mr. Gillat, of course, followed and arranged and rearranged pots on +the stove till the Captain said he had left his handkerchief +up-stairs. Stairs were trying to his heart, so Johnny had to go for +it. Up he went as fast as he could, and came down again almost faster, +for he tumbled on the second step and slipped the rest of the way with +considerable noise and bumping.</p> + +<p>After that Captain Polkington gave up his efforts to get rid of his +guard and resigned himself to fate. At least, so thought Mr. Gillat, +who no amount of experience could instruct in the guilt of the human +race in general and the Polkingtons in particular. The first hour of +Julia's absence had passed when Johnny went into the back kitchen to +clean knives. He left the door between the rooms open, but from habit +more than from any thought of keeping an eye on his charge. They had +been talking in the ordinary way for some time now, the Captain +sitting so peacefully by the fire that Mr. Gillat had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_345" id="Page_345">[345]</a></span> begun to forget +he was supposed to watch. And really it would seem he was justified, +for the Captain, of his own accord, left the easy-chair and followed +him into the back kitchen, standing watching the knife-cleaning. He +had been talking of old times, recalling far back incidents +regretfully; he continued to do so as he watched Johnny at work until +he was interrupted by a loud sizzling in the kitchen.</p> + +<p>"Hullo!" he said, "there's a pot boiling over!" and he made as if he +would go to it but half stopped. "It is the big one," he said, +"perhaps you had better take it off; I'm not good at lifting weights +now-a-days."</p> + +<p>"No, no!" Johnny said hastily; "don't you do it, you leave it to me," +and he hurried into the kitchen to take from the fire a pot which, had +he only remembered it, had not been so near the blaze when he left it.</p> + +<p>"It is too heavy for you," he went on as he lifted it; "I don't know +what is inside, only water, I think; it will be all right here by the +side."</p> + +<p>A gust of wind swept round the kitchen, fluttering the herbs which +hung from the ceiling and blowing the dust and flame from the front of +the fire.</p> + +<p>"Dear, dear!" Mr. Gillat exclaimed as he drew back, "What a wind!" +Then, as he caught the whisper and whistle of the leafless things +which whisper to one another out of doors even in the dead winter +time, he realised that the outer door must be open.</p> + +<p>"Shut it!" he said. "The latch is so old, it is beginning to get worn +out, and the wind is so strong, too. Let me see if I can shut it." He +went to the back kitchen for that purpose and found that he was +talking to empty air, the Captain was gone.</p> + +<p>In great consternation he went out after his charge. He had not had a +minute's start; he could not have got<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_346" id="Page_346">[346]</a></span> far, not much more than round +the corner of the house. So thought Mr. Gillat, and started round the +nearest corner after him. Julia would not have done that; with the +instinct of the wild animal and the rogue for cover, and for the value +of the obvious in concealment, she would have looked by the water butt +first. It was not a hiding-place; the bush beside did not half conceal +Captain Polkington, yet he stood dark and unobtrusive against it and +so close to the door that in looking out for him one naturally looked +beyond him. As Johnny went round one side of the house the Captain +left the meagre shelter of the butt and went round the other, bent now +on finding some better hiding-place till it should be safe for him to +go to his precious store. And seeing that he was braced by an +insatiable whisky thirst and so possessed by one idea that he had +almost a madman's cunning in achieving his purpose, it is not +wonderful that he succeeded. While Johnny hastily searched the +out-buildings he lay hid. And when at last Mr. Gillat went back to the +house, being convinced that his charge must have gone back before him, +he, nerved and strengthened by a dose of the precious spirit, +carefully climbed over the garden wall, carrying with him all that was +left of his store. It was rather heavy, and the rising wind was +strong, but he was strong, too, and he bore more strength with him. He +could carry a weight and fight with the wind if he wanted to; his +heart was well enough when it was properly treated. And it should be +properly treated as long as he had his comfort, his precious medicine +safe and in a place where prying hands could not touch it.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Julia came home from Halgrave later than she expected, but the wind +had increased to a gale, so that walking along the exposed road had +been no easy matter.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_347" id="Page_347">[347]</a></span> Johnny by this time was almost desperate with +alarm, for Captain Polkington had not come back and, in spite of a +continuous search in likely and unlikely places, he had not been able +to find any trace of him or his whisky. It is true his search was not +very systematic at the best of times; it is not likely to have been +now; as his alarm increased, it grew worse, until, by the time Julia +came in, it had become little more than a repeated looking in the same +unlikely places and an incessant toiling up and down-stairs and across +the garden in the howling wind.</p> + +<p>His account of the Captain's vanishing was much obscured by +self-condemnation and anxiety, still she managed to make it out and +she did not at first think so very seriously of it. She concluded from +it that her father had succeeded in getting at his whisky and Johnny +had failed to prevent him or find out the whereabouts of the store—a +not very astonishing occurrence. The fact that the Captain had not +returned or shown himself for so long was surprising and to be +regretted, seeing the badness of the weather. But it was not +inexplicable; he might be anxious to demonstrate his freedom, or, by +frightening them, to pay them out for the watch lately kept on him; +or—and this was the one serious aspect of the matter—he might have +taken more of the spirit than he could stand in his weak state and be +too stupid and muddled to come back alone. Julia reassured Johnny as +well as she could, and then, accompanied by him, set to work to search +thoroughly the house, garden and out-buildings.</p> + +<p>It was dinner time before they had finished. Julia came to the doorway +of the bulb shed uneasy and perplexed. "It is clear he is not here," +she said, and turned to fasten the door. A gust of wind tore it from +her hand, flinging it back noisily. She caught it again and secured<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_348" id="Page_348">[348]</a></span> +it. "It is dinner time," she said; "come along indoors, there is no +reason why you should go hungry because father chooses to."</p> + +<p>Johnny followed her to the house. When they were indoors he said, "Do +you think—you don't think he has had an attack?—that he is lying +unconscious somewhere?" That was precisely what Julia was beginning to +think; there seemed no other possible explanation. Johnny read her +mind in her face and was overwhelmed with the sense of his own +shortcomings and their possible consequences.</p> + +<p>"It is not your fault," Julia assured him; "you might as well say it +is father's for being so foolish and obstinate about his whisky—a +great deal better and more truly say it is mine for leaving you, and +for driving him into this corner, for not having managed the whole +thing better."</p> + +<p>Johnny, though a little relieved that she did not think him to blame, +was not comforted. "Let us go and find him," he said; "we must find +him; never mind about dinner—we must go and look for him—though I +don't know where."</p> + +<p>"We must look beyond the garden," Julia said; "he must have got +further than we first thought—but I don't see how he can be far in +this weather. Cut some cheese and bread; we can eat it as we go +along."</p> + +<p>In a little while they set out together, Julia taking restoratives +with her, though she was also careful to leave some on the +kitchen-table in case Captain Polkington should make his way back and +feel in need of them in her absence. Outside the garden wall one felt +the force of the wind more fully, and realised how impossible it was +that the Captain should have gone far. Julia stood a moment by the +gate. Before her lay the road to Halgrave; her father might have gone +down it a little way; but if he had he must have turned off and sought +conceal<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_349" id="Page_349">[349]</a></span>ment somewhere for she had seen no sign of any one when she +came home. To the left stretched the heath-land, brown and bare, to +the belt of wildly tossing pines; it was hard to imagine her father +choosing that way. To the right lay the sandhills, a place of unsteady +outline, earth and sky alike pale and blurred as the north-west wind +fled seawards, lifting and whirling the fine particles till the air +seemed full of them; it was impossible to think of any one choosing +that way.</p> + +<p>"We will go down the road to begin with," Julia said, and started.</p> + +<p>All through the early part of the afternoon they searched; sometimes +stopped for a moment by a gust of wind; Julia caught and whirled, +Johnny brought to a panting standstill. But on again directly, +struggling down the road, looking in ditches and behind scant bushes, +leaving the track first on the right hand then on the left, searching +in likely and unlikely places. But always with the same result, there +was no sign of the missing man. At last, when they had reached a +greater distance than it was possible to imagine the Captain could +have gone, they turned towards the house across the heath. It was +difficult to think of the Captain going that way, seeing he would have +been walking in the teeth of the wind, but it almost seemed he must +have done it.</p> + +<p>The short day was already beginning to close in when they reached the +belt of pines. It had grown much colder; one could almost believe +there would be frost in the air by and by. The wind was lulling a +little; it still roared with strange rushings and half-demented +tearings at the tree-tops, almost like some great spirit prisoned +there, but it had spent its first strength. The rain clouds were +going, too; already in places the sky was swept clear so that a pale +light gleamed behind the trees.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_350" id="Page_350">[350]</a></span></p> + +<p>Julia stood in the vibrant shelter of the pines, pushing back her +hair; she was bareheaded; a hat had been an impossible superfluity +when she started out.</p> + +<p>"Johnny," she said, "we have come too far; father could not have got +to the trees in such weather as it was when he started; we must go +back. I expect he is somewhere nearer home; we have not half searched +the possible radius yet."</p> + +<p>Johnny said "Yes." He was dog-tired, so tired that his anxiety was now +little more than dull despair animated by an unquestioning +determination to continue the search.</p> + +<p>He would have done so somehow, and with his flagging energies been +more hindrance than help, had not Julia prevented him; as they neared +the house, now almost merged in the dusk, she said—</p> + +<p>"I am going to fetch a lantern; the moon will be up soon, but until +then I shall want a light. I am just coming in to get it, then I shall +go out again; but you must stop at home; father may come back, and if +he found us both out after dark he would think something was wrong and +start to look for us; then we should be worse off than ever."</p> + +<p>Johnny said "Yes"; but suggested, "I think we'd better look round +about the house once more. I think I'll take a light and look round +again."</p> + +<p>Julia did not think it would be much use; however she consented, +though she had to go with Johnny; she did not trust him with a lantern +among the out-buildings. They looked round once more, in the sheds and +in the dark garden; afterwards they went out and looked beyond the +wall all round, on the side where the heather grew and also on the +side where the loose sand came close. It took time; Johnny was too +tired to move quickly or<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_351" id="Page_351">[351]</a></span> even to understand quickly what was said to +him. At last Julia stopped and spoke decisively.</p> + +<p>"You had better go in now," she said; "it won't do for us both to be +out any longer; one of us must go in, and I think it had better be +you. Make a good fire, see that there is plenty of hot water and get +something to eat so as to be ready to do things when I come back."</p> + +<p>Johnny acquiesced and Julia, having watched him into the house, took +up her lantern and set out in the direction of the sandhills.</p> + +<p>It was her last resource; it did not seem to her likely that her +father could have gone there; at the best of times he disliked the +place, finding it very tiring. Still, with the wind behind him as it +would have been this morning, it is possible he would have found it +the easiest way—if he could have managed to forget what the coming +back would be. At all events she determined to try it, so she set out +for the waste.</p> + +<p>By this time the moon was rising, and, in spite of the driving clouds +which had not all dispersed, at times it shone clear. Beneath it the +stretch of sand lay pale and desolate, a new-formed landscape of fresh +contours, loosely-piled hills and shallow scooped hollows shaped by +to-day's wind. An easy place for a man to miss his way with a gale +blowing and the sand dancing blinding reels. A hard place for a man to +travel far when he had to face the wind; a strong man would have found +it very tiring, a weak man might well have given it up, driven to +waiting for a lull in the weather. As for a man in the Captain's +health—when Julia thought of it she hurried on, although she knew if +her father had to-day, as he had all through his life, followed the +line of least resistance, the chances were that her help would be of +little avail to him now.</p> + +<p>She carried her lantern low, looking carefully for foot<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_352" id="Page_352">[352]</a></span>prints; soon, +however, she put it out; she would do better without in the increasing +moon-light. But she found no prints; after all, as she remembered, she +was hardly likely to; the wind and blowing sand would have obliterated +them. Over the first level of sand she went to the nearest rise +without seeing anything; up to that and down the following hollow, +looking in every curve and indentation, still without seeing anything. +Then she began to climb the next rise. The moon was struggling through +a long cloud, one moment eclipsed, the next shining with a half +radiance which made the landscape unevenly black and white. For a +second it looked out clear, and the sand showed like silver, +tear-spotted with ink in the hollows; then the cloud swept up and all +turned to a level grey. She had climbed to the top of a rise by now, +sinking deep and noiseless into the soft sand. It was too dark to see +what was below; all was shadow, black shadow—or was it a blackness +more substantial than shadow?</p> + +<p>The cloud passed from off the moon's face, the light shone out once +more, turning the sand to silver. All the great empty space, where the +dying wind still throbbed, was white silver, except down in the hollow +where, black and still, lay the man who had followed the line of least +resistance.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_353" id="Page_353">[353]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXIII</h2> + +<h3>PAYMENT AND RECEIPT</h3> +<p>On the day of Captain Polkington's funeral, a letter was brought to +White's Cottage. Julia herself took it in, and when she saw that it +was from Holland she asked the postman to wait a minute as she would +be glad if he would post a letter for her. He sat down, nothing loth; +the cottage was the last place on his round and he never minded a rest +there. He waited while Julia went up-stairs with her letter. She +opened it before she got to her room and barely read the contents; +there was enclosed a cheque for thirty pounds, the price of "The Good +Comrade."</p> + +<p>It had come, then, at last, this money for which she had been waiting +two years—but too late. The man in whose name she would have paid the +debt lay dead. She had planned to clear him without his knowledge, +reinstate him in the good opinion of his debtor without letting her +hand be seen; and she could not, for he was dead, and there was no +hand but hers, and no name to clear. It was not a week too late, yet +so much, so bitterly much. Too late for her cherished plan, too late +for any of the things she had hoped, too late for triumph, or joy, or +satisfaction; too late to demonstrate the once hoped for equality; too +late for the fulfilling of anything but a dogged purpose. For a moment +she looked at the cheque, feeling the irony which had sent her the +means of paying<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_354" id="Page_354">[354]</a></span> his debt now that her father lay in his coffin, +indifferent to his good name and his honour; unable, alike, to clear +or be cleared, to wrong or be wronged; removed by kindly death from +the scope of earthly judgment, even the just thoughts of one who had +suffered on his account.</p> + +<p>She put down the cheque and pencilled some hasty words—"In payment of +Captain Polkington's debt (to Mr. Rawson-Clew) discharged by Hubert +Farquhar Rawson-Clew on the—November 19—"</p> + +<p>So she wrote, then she put the slip with the cheque in an envelope and +addressed it to the London club where the explosive had been sent.</p> + +<p>"It will be posted before the funeral," she thought; "I'm glad—it +will all end together—poor father!"</p> + +<p>She went down-stairs and gave the letter to the postman. Mrs. +Polkington came into the kitchen as she was doing so, for Mrs. +Polkington was at the cottage now.</p> + +<p>There are some women who seem designed by nature for widows, just as +there are others designed for grandmothers and yet others for old +maids. Mrs. Polkington was of the first sort; she seemed specially +created to adorn the position of widow-hood; she certainly did adorn +it; she was a pattern to all widows and did not miss a single point of +the situation. Of course she came to the cottage as soon as possible +after receiving news of her husband's death. The journey was long and +expensive, the weather somewhat bad; that weighed for nothing with +her; she was there as soon as might be, feeling, saying and doing just +what a bereaved widow ought. The fact that she and her husband had +been obliged through the force of circumstances, to live separate the +past year did not alter her emotions, her real tears or her real +grief. Considering the practice and experience she had had it would +have been surprising if she had not succeeded in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_355" id="Page_355">[355]</a></span> deceiving herself as +well as most of her world in these things. So acute were her feelings +that when she came into the kitchen and saw Julia dispatching the +letter, she felt quite a shock.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" she asked; "What is the matter?"</p> + +<p>"Only a letter that could not wait," Julia answered.</p> + +<p>"Surely it could have waited till to-morrow," her mother said; "under +the circumstances surely one would be excused."</p> + +<p>Julia thought differently but did not say so, and in silence set about +some necessary preparation.</p> + +<p>The Reverend Richard Frazer came to the funeral; Violet was unable to +do so; he represented her and supported his mother-in-law too. The +banker, Mr. Ponsonby, also made the tedious journey to Halgrave; he +came out of respect for death in the abstract, and also because he +expected affairs would want looking to, and it would suit him better +to do it now than later. These two with Johnny, Julia and her mother, +were the only mourners at the funeral; a few village folk, moved by +curiosity, attended, but no one else; there was not even an empty +carriage, representative of a good family, following the humble +cortège. Mrs. Polkington observed this and felt it; an empty carriage +and good livery following would have given her satisfaction, without +in any way diminishing her sorrow and proper feeling. It is +conceivable she would have found satisfaction in being shipwrecked in +aristocratic company, without at the same time, suffering less than +she ought to suffer.</p> + +<p>After the funeral they returned to the cottage and had a repast of +Julia's providing, eminently suitable to the occasion. Everything was +eminently suitable, every one's behaviour, every one's clothes; Mr. +Frazer's grave face, the banker's jerky manner—the manner of a man +con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_356" id="Page_356">[356]</a></span>cerned with the world's money market and ill at ease in the +intrusive presence of death. Mrs. Polkington's voice, face, feelings, +sayings, everything. Julia's own behaviour was perfect, though all the +time she saw how it looked as plainly as if she had been another and +disinterested person, and once or twice she had an hysterical desire +to applaud a good stroke of her mother's or prompt a backward speech +of her uncle's. Mr. Gillat, of course, did nothing suitable; he never +did. He kept up a preternaturally cheerful appearance during the meal, +stopping his mouth with large corks of bread, answering "Ah, yes, yes, +just so," indiscriminately whenever he was spoken to, and starting +three separate conversations on the weather on his own account. As +soon as the table was cleared, he fled into the back kitchen, shut +himself in with the dishes, and was seen no more. The others remained +in the sitting-room and talked things over, arranging plans for the +future and for the immediate present. And when the time came and the +conveyance was brought to the gate, they set out on the homeward +journey together. Johnny did not come out of the kitchen to say +good-bye; only Julia came to the gate.</p> + +<p>Mr. Ponsonby was going back home; Mr. Frazer and Mrs. Polkington were +going with him to spend the night in town and go on westwards the next +morning. Mr. Frazer was anxious to get back to his parish, and Mrs. +Polkington to her daughter, who was expecting her first baby shortly. +It was this expected event which prevented the young rector from +asking Julia to stay with him and Violet until such time as she and +her mother could settle somewhere together. It was this same event +which prevented Mrs. Polkington from remaining at White's Cottage and +sharing Julia's solitude until their plans were settled. All this was +explained to Julia in the best Polk<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_357" id="Page_357">[357]</a></span>ington manner and she seemed quite +satisfied with the explanation. Mr. Ponsonby had to be perforce; there +seemed no alternative; all the same he was not quite pleased. It was +all sensible enough, of course, only as he saw Julia standing at the +gate in the November afternoon, he did not quite like it.</p> + +<p>"Look here," he said shortly, "you shut up this place here, send Mr. +Gillat to his friends, or his rooms, or wherever he came from, and +come to me. You can come and make your home with me, and welcome, till +things are settled; there's plenty of room."</p> + +<p>This was a good deal for Mr. Ponsonby to say, considering what an +annoyance the Polkington family had been to him, how—not without +wisdom—he had set his face against letting them into his house for +more than twenty-four hours at a stretch, and how much this particular +member had thwarted and exasperated him at their last meeting. Julia +recognised this and recognised also the kindness of the brusque +suggestion. She thanked him warmly for the offer though she refused +it, assuring him that she and Johnny would be all right at the +cottage.</p> + +<p>"We do not find it lonely," she said; "we are quite happy here, +happier than anywhere else, I think."</p> + +<p>The banker grunted, not convinced; Mr. Frazer shook hands with Julia +and said he hoped it would not be long before he saw her; Mrs. +Polkington reiterated the remark, kissing her the while; then they +drove away and Julia went into the house. She went into the back +kitchen; Mr. Gillat was not there; the dishes were all put away and +the place was quite tidy. Julia went through to the front kitchen; +there she saw Johnny; he was kneeling by the Captain's old chair, his +arms thrown across the seat, his silly pink face buried in them, his +rounded shoulders shaking with sobs.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_358" id="Page_358">[358]</a></span></p> + +<p>Johnny loved as a dog loves, without reason, without thought of +return; not for wisdom, worth or deserts, just because he did love +and, having once loved, loved always; forgiving everything, expecting +nothing—foolish, faithful, true. So he loved his friend, so he +mourned him now, be-blubbering the seat of the shabby chair which +spoke so eloquently to him of the irritable, exacting presence now +gone for ever.</p> + +<p>"Johnny," Julia said softly; "Johnny dear."</p> + +<p>She put a hand on the round shoulders and somehow slipped herself into +the shabby chair.</p> + +<p>"Johnny," she said, "let us sit by the fire awhile and not talk of +anything at all."</p> + +<p>So they sat together till twilight fell.</p> + +<p>The next day there came another to Julia, one who knew nothing of what +had befallen in these last days. It was almost twilight when he came; +Johnny had gone out to collect fir-cones; Julia sent him, partly +because their stock was low and partly because she thought it would do +him good. She did not expect him back much before five o'clock; it +would be dark by then certainly, but not very dark for the day was +clear, with a touch of frost in the air; one of those days when the +last of the sunset burns low down in the sky long after the stars are +out. It was not much after four o'clock when Julia heard something +approaching, certainly not Johnny nor anything connected with him, for +it was the throb of a motor coming fast. Only once before since she +had been at the cottage had she heard that sound on the lonely road, +on the day when Rawson-Clew came. It could not be him now, she was +sure of that. He might have received the money this morning certainly, +but he would not come because of that, rather he would keep away; +there was no reason why he should come. She told herself it was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_359" id="Page_359">[359]</a></span> +impossible, and then went to the door to see, puzzled in her own mind +what she should say if the impossible had happened and it was he.</p> + +<p>The throbbing had ceased by now; there was the click of the gate even +as she opened the door, and he—it was he and no other—was coming up +the little brick path in the twilight. His face was curiously clear in +the light which lingered low down; and when she saw it and the look it +wore, all plans of what she should say fled, and the feeling came upon +her which was like that which came when she crouched behind the +chopping-block and he barred the way. It seemed as if he had been +pursuing and she escaping and eluding for a long time, but now—he was +coming up the path and she was standing in the doorway with the pale +light strong on her face and nowhere to fly to and no way of escape.</p> + +<p>"Why did you not tell me before?" he said without any greeting at all, +and he spoke as if he had right and authority. "Why did you let this +thing weigh on you for two years and never say a word of it to me?"</p> + +<p>"I was ashamed," she answered with truth. Then the spirit which still +inhabits some women, making them willing to be won by capture, +prompted her to struggle against the capitulation she was ready to +make. "There was nothing to speak of to you or any one else," she +said, with an effort at her old assurance, and she led the way in as +she spoke. "I never meant to speak of it at all, I meant just to pay +the debt as from father, and not myself appear in it. I did not do it +that way, I know; I could not; I did not get the money till yesterday +and—and"—the assurance faded away pathetically—"that was too late."</p> + +<p>Rawson-Clew looked down, and for the first time noticed her mourning +dress, and realising what it meant,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_360" id="Page_360">[360]</a></span> remembered that convention +demanded that a man, whose claim depends on another's death, should +not push it as soon as the funeral is over. However he did not go +away, the pathos of Julia's voice kept him.</p> + +<p>"Late or early would have made little difference," he said; "it is +just the same now as if it had been early. Do you think I should not +have known who sent the money at whatever time and in whatever +circumstances it was paid? Do you think I know two people who would +pay a debt, which can hardly be said to exist, in such a way?"</p> + +<p>But Julia was not comforted. "It is too late," she re-repeated; "too +late for any satisfaction. I thought I would prove that we were honest +and honourable by paying it; I wanted to show father—that I—that our +standard was the same as yours, and I have not."</p> + +<p>"No," he answered, "you have not and you never will; your standard is +not the same as mine; mine is the honour of an accepted convention, +and yours is the honour of a personal truth, a personal experience, +the honour of the soul."</p> + +<p>But she shook her head. "It is not really," she said; "and father—"</p> + +<p>"As to your father," he interrupted gently, "do you not think that +sometimes the potter's thumb slips in the making of a vessel?"</p> + +<p>She looked up with a feeling of gratitude. "Yes," she said; "yes, that +is it, if only we could realise it—poor father. It was partly our +fault, too, mother's, all of ours—and he is dead now."</p> + +<p>"I know. Let him rest in peace; we are concerned no more with his +doings or misdoings; our concern, yours and mine is with the living."</p> + +<p>She did not answer; a piece of wood had fallen from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_361" id="Page_361">[361]</a></span> the fire and lay +blazing and spluttering on the hearth; she stooped to pick it up and +he watched her.</p> + +<p>"I know I have no business here now," he said. "Had I known of his +death before, I would not have come to-day; I would have waited, but +since I have come—Julia—"</p> + +<p>She was standing straight now, the wood safely back in the fire; he +put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to him. "Julia, you and +I have always dealt openly, without regarding appearances, let us deal +so now—since I have come. Won't you let me give you a receipt?"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Julia said afterwards that receipts for the payment of such debts were +unnecessary and never given; which was perhaps as well, for the one +she received in the dusk was not of a kind recognised at law. Could it +afterwards have been produced it would not have proved the payment of +money, though at the time it proved several things, principally the +fact that, though friendship and comradeship are fine and excellent +things, there are simple primitive passions which leap up through them +and transfigure them and forget them, and it is these which make man +man, and woman woman, and life worth living, and the world worth +winning and losing, too, and bring the kingdom of heaven to earth +again.</p> + +<p>It also proved how exceedingly firmly a man who is in the habit of +wearing a single eyeglass must screw it into his eye, for, as Julia +remarked with some surprise, the one which interested her did not fall +out.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Mr. Gillat came home with his fir-cones at a quarter to five. And when +he came he saw that, to him, most fascinating sight—a motor-car, +standing empty and quiet<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_362" id="Page_362">[362]</a></span> by the gate. He looked at it with keen +interest, then he looked round the empty landscape for its owner, and +not seeing him, wondered if he was in the house. He put away the cones +and came to the conclusion that the owner was not there and the car +was an abandoned derelict. For which, perhaps, he may be forgiven, for +there was no light at the parlour window and no sound of voices that +he could hear from the kitchen; even when he opened the door and +walked in he did not in the firelight see any one besides Julia at +first.</p> + +<p>"Julia," he said, bringing in the astonishing news, "there is a +motor-car outside!"</p> + +<p>"Yes," Julia answered composedly; "but it is going away soon."</p> + +<p>"Not very soon," another voice spoke out of the gloom of the chimney +corner, and Johnny jumped as he recognised it.</p> + +<p>"Dear me!" he said; "dear me! Mr. Rawson-Clew! How do you do? I am +pleased to see you."</p> + +<p>The motor did not go away very soon; it stayed quite as long, rather +longer, in fact, than Mr. Gillat expected. And when it did go, he did +not have the pleasure of seeing it start; he somehow got shut in the +kitchen while Julia went out to the gate.</p> + +<p>When she came back she shut the door carefully, then turned to him, +and he noticed how her eyes were shining. "Johnny," she said, "I am a +selfish beast; I am going to leave you. Not yet, oh, not yet, but one +day."</p> + +<p>Johnny stared a moment, then said, "Of course, oh, of course, to be +sure—to live with your mother, she'll want you. A wonderful woman."</p> + +<p>"Not to live with my mother," Julia said emphatically. "Sit down and I +will tell you all about it."</p> + +<p>And she told, slowly and suitably, fearing that he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_363" id="Page_363">[363]</a></span> would hardly +understand the wonderful goodness of fate to her. But she need not +have been afraid; he took her meaning at once, far quicker than she +expected, for he saw no wonder in it, only a very great goodness for +the man who had won her, and a great and radiant happiness for himself +in the happiness that had come to her. As for his loneliness, he never +thought of that, why should he? Of course she would leave him, it was +the right and proper thing to do; she would leave him anyhow.</p> + +<p>"You couldn't go on living with me here," he said; "I mean, I couldn't +go on living with you; it wouldn't be the thing, you know; you must +think of that."</p> + +<p>Julia caught her breath between tears and laughter, but he went on +stoutly: "I shall go back to town, to Mrs. Horn; I shall like it—at +least when I get used to it. It is quite time I went back to town; a +man ought not to stay too long in the country; he gets rusty."</p> + +<p>"You won't go back to town," Julia said; "you will never do that. You +will stay here in the cottage, and Mrs. Gray from next door to the +shop will come and live here as your housekeeper; I am going to +arrange it with her. She will come and she will bring her little +grand-daughter and you will keep on living here always."</p> + +<p>For a moment Johnny's face beamed; the prospect was exquisite; but he +sternly put it from him. "No," he said, "I shouldn't like that; it's +kind of you, but—"</p> + +<p>"Johnny," Julia interrupted, "you should always speak the truth—you +do anything else so badly! I don't mind if you like my plan or not, +you will have to put up with it to help me; some one must take care of +the cottage."</p> + +<p>"But you will want to come yourself," Mr. Gillat protested.</p> + +<p>"Never, unless you are here."</p> + +<p>In the end Julia had her way. Johnny lived at the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_364" id="Page_364">[364]</a></span> cottage, and Mrs. +Gray and her grandchild came to keep house. And Billy, Mrs. Gray's +nephew, came to help in the garden and take care of the donkey; in the +spring there was a donkey added to the establishment, and a little +tub-cart which held four children easily, besides Mr. Gillat. And it +is doubtful if, in all the country round, there was a happier man than +he who tended Julia's plants in Julia's garden, and drove parties of +chattering children along the quiet lanes, and sat on warm summer +evenings beside his old friend's grave in Halgrave churchyard. He had +forgotten many things, old slights and old pains, and old losses; +forgotten, perhaps, most things except love. Foolish Johnny, God's +fool, basking in God's sunshine.</p> + +<p>And Julia and Rawson-Clew were married, very quietly, without any pomp +or ostentation at all. And if, on the honeymoon, he did not show her +all the places he had thought of on the day when he travelled north +with the girl with the carnations, it was because he had not several +years at his disposal just then. Afterwards he made up for it as work +allowed and time could be found. In the record of their lives there +are many days noted down as holidays, even such holidays as that first +one spent on the Dunes. In the springtime, when the bulb flowers were +in bloom, they went once more to the Dunes and to the little old town +where the Van Heigens lived. They were received with much ceremony by +Mijnheer and his wife, and entertained at a dinner which lasted from +four till half-past six. It is true that afterwards state had to be +lain aside, for Julia insisted on helping to wash the priceless +Nankeen china while her husband smoked long cigars with Mijnheer on +the veranda, but that was all her own fault. Denah came to tea +drinking, she and her lately-wed husband, the bashful son of a +well-to-do shipowner. She was very smiling and all bustling and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_365" id="Page_365">[365]</a></span> +greatly pleased with herself and all things, and if she thought poorly +of Julia for washing the plates, she thought very well of the +glittering rings she had left on the veranda-table and well, too, of +her husband, who she recognised as the mysterious "man of good family" +they had seen on the day they drove to the wood. And afterwards when +the tea drinking was done and the dew was falling, Julia walked with +Joost among his flowers, and heard him speak of his hopes and +ambitions, and knew that in his work he had found all the satisfaction +that a man may reasonably hope for here.</p> + +<p>Later, Julia and her husband walked through the tidy streets of the +town, looking in at lighted windows, listening to the patois of the +peasants and recalling past times. It was then that he told her how he +had that day tried to buy back the streaked daffodil.</p> + +<p>"And Mijnheer would not sell it?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"No," he answered; "not at any price, so I am afraid that you will +have to do without 'The Good Comrade' after all."</p> + +<p>"I?" she said; "I can do quite well. Thank you for trying to get it; +all the same I am not sure I want it back."</p> + +<p>"Do you not? Then I am quite sure that I do not, indeed, I rather +fancy I already have the real 'Good Comrade.'"</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Good Comrade, by Una L. 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Silberrad + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Good Comrade + +Author: Una L. Silberrad + +Illustrator: Anna Whelan Betts + +Release Date: March 27, 2006 [EBook #18060] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GOOD COMRADE *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Sankar Viswanathan, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: "'Tell me,' she said, 'did you ever really do anything +foolish in your life?'"] + + + The Good Comrade + + + + By + + UNA L. SILBERRAD + + + Illustrated by + Anna Whelan Betts + + + + + + New York + Doubleday, Page & Company + 1907 + + + + + COPYRIGHT, 1907, BY DOUBLEDAY PAGE & COMPANY + PUBLISHED, SEPTEMBER, 1907 + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER + + I. THE POLKINGTONS + + II. THE DEBT + + III. NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS AZUREUM + + IV. THE OWNER OF THE BLUE DAFFODIL + + V. THE EXCURSION + + VI. DEBTOR AND CREDITOR + + VII. HOW JULIA DID NOT GET THE BLUE DAFFODIL + + VIII. POOFERCHJES AND JEALOUSY + + IX. THE HOLIDAY + + X. TO-MORROW + + XI. A REPRIEVE + + XII. THE YOUNG COOK + + XIII. THE HEIRESS + + XIV. THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN + + XV. THE GOOD COMRADE + + XVI. THE SIMPLE LIFE + + XVII. NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS STRIATUM, THE GOOD COMRADE + +XVIII. BEHIND THE CHOPPING-BLOCK + + XIX. CAPTAIN POLKINGTON + + XX. THE BENEFACTOR + + XXI. THE GOING OF THE GOOD COMRADE + + XXII. THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE + +XXIII. PAYMENT AND RECEIPT + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + +"'Tell me,' she said, 'did you ever +really do anything foolish in your +life?'" Frontispiece + +"Julia" + +"A wonderful woman" + +"'Now you must call your flower a +name,' he said" + + + + +THE GOOD COMRADE + +CHAPTER I + +THE POLKINGTONS + + +The Polkingtons were of those people who do not dine. They lunched, +though few besides Johnny Gillat, who did not count, had been invited +to share that meal with them. They took tea, the daintiest, +pleasantest, most charming of teas, as the _elite_ of Marbridge knew; +everybody--or, rather, a selection of everybody, had had tea with them +one time or another. After that there was no record; the _elite_, who +would as soon have thought of going without their heads as without +their dinner, concluded they dined, because they were "one of us." But +some humbler folk were of opinion that they only dined once a week, +and that after morning service on Sundays; but even this idea was +dispelled when the eldest Miss Polkington was heard to excuse her +non-appearance at an organ recital because "lunch was always so late +on Sunday." + +Let it not be imagined from this that the Polkingtons were common +people--they were not; they were extremely well connected; indeed, +their connections were one of the two striking features about them, +the other was their handicap, Captain Polkington, late of the ----th +Bengal Lancers. He was well connected, though not quite so much so as +his wife; still--well, but he was not very presentable. If only he +had been dead he would have been a valuable asset, but living, he was +decidedly rather a drawback; there are some relatives like this. Mrs. +Polkington bore up under it valiantly; in fact, they all did so well +that in time they, or at least she and two of her three daughters, +came almost to believe some of the legends they told of the Captain. + +The Polkingtons lived at No. 27 East Street, which, as all who know +Marbridge are aware, is a very good street in which to live. The house +was rather small, but the drawing-room was good, with two beautiful +Queen Anne windows, and a white door with six panels. The rest of the +house did not matter. On the whole the drawing-room did not so very +much matter, because visitors seldom went into it when the Miss +Polkingtons were not there; and when they were, no one but a jealous +woman would have noticed that the furniture was rather slight, and +there were no flowers except those in obvious places. + +There was only one Miss Polkington in the drawing-room that wintry +afternoon--Julia, the middle one of the three, the only one who could +not fill even a larger room to the complete obliteration of furniture +and fitments. Julia was not pretty, therefore she was seldom to be +found in the drawing-room alone; she knew better than to attempt to +occupy that stage by herself. But it was now almost seven o'clock, too +late for any one to come; also, since there was no light but the fire, +deficiencies were not noticeable. She felt secure of interruption, and +stood with one foot on the fender, looking earnestly into the fire. + +That day had been an important one to the Polkingtons; Violet, the +eldest of the sisters, had that afternoon accepted an offer of +marriage from the Reverend Richard Frazer. The young man had not left +the house an hour, and Mrs. Polkington was not yet returned from some +afternoon engagement more than half, but already the matter had been +in part discussed by the family. Julia, standing by the drawing-room +fire, was in a position to review at least some points of the case +dispassionately. Violet was two and twenty, tall, and of a fine +presence, like her mother, but handsomer than the elder woman could +ever have been. She had undoubted abilities, principally of a social +order, but not a penny apiece to her dower. She had this afternoon +accepted Richard Frazer, though he was only a curate--an aristocratic +one certainly, with a small private income, and an uncle lately made +bishop of one of the minor sees. Violet was fond of him; she was too +nice a girl to accept a man she was not fond of, though too well +brought up to become fond of one who was impossible. The engagement, +though it probably did not fulfil all Mrs. Polkington's ambitions, was +in Julia's opinion a good thing for several reasons. + +There was a swish and rustle of silk by the door--Mrs. Polkington did +not wear silk skirts, only a silk flounce somewhere, but she got more +creak and rustle out of it than the average woman does out of two +skirts. An imposing woman she was, with an eye that had once been +described as "eagle," though, for that, it was a little inquiring and +eager now, by reason of the look-out she had been obliged to keep for +a good part of her life. She entered the room now, followed by her +eldest and youngest daughters, Violet and Cherie. + +"At twelve to-morrow?" she was saying as she came in. "Is that when he +is coming to see your father?" + +Violet said it was; then added, in a tone of some dissatisfaction, "I +suppose he must see father about it? We couldn't arrange something?" + +"Certainly not," Mrs. Polkington replied with decision; "it is not for +me to give or refuse consent to your marriage. Of course, Mr. Frazer +knows your father does not have good health, or trouble himself to mix +much in society here--it is not likely that an old military man +should, but in a case like this he would expect to be called upon; it +would have shown a great lack of breeding on Mr. Frazer's part had he +suggested anything different." + +Violet agreed, though she did not seem exactly convinced, and Julia +created a diversion by saying-- + +"Twelve is rather an awkward time. A quarter of an hour with father, +five minutes--no, ten--with you, half an hour with Violet, altogether +brings it very near lunch time." + +"Mr. Frazer will, of course, lunch with us to-morrow," Mrs. Polkington +said, as if stray guests to lunch were the most usual and convenient +thing in the world. The Polkingtons kept up a good many of their +farces in private life; most of them found it easier, as well as +pleasanter, to do so. "The cold beef," Mrs. Polkington said, mentally +reviewing her larder, "can be hashed; that and a small boned loin of +mutton will do, he would naturally expect to be treated as one of the +family; fortunately the apple tart has not been cut--with a little +cream--" + +"I thought we were to have the tart to-night," Julia interrupted, +thinking of Johnny Gillat, who was coming to spend the evening with +her father. + +Mrs. Polkington thought of him too, but she did not change her mind on +this account. "We can't, then," she said, and turned to the discussion +of other matters. She had carried these as far as the probable date of +marriage, and the preferment the young man might easily expect, when +the little servant came up to announce Mr. Gillat. + +Mrs. Polkington did not express impatience. "Is he in the +dining-room?" she said. "I hope you lighted the heater, Mary." + +Mary said she had, and Mrs. Polkington returned to her interesting +subject, only pausing to remark, "How tiresome that your father is not +back yet!" + +For a little none of the three girls moved, then Julia rose. + +"Are you going down to Mr. Gillat?" her mother asked. "There really is +no necessity; he is perfectly happy with the paper." + +Perhaps he was, though the paper was a half-penny morning one; he did +not make extravagant demands on fate, or anything else; nevertheless, +Julia went down. + +The Polkingtons' house was furnished on an ascending scale, which +found its zenith in the drawing-room, but deteriorated again very +rapidly afterwards. The dining-room, being midway between the kitchen +and the drawing-room, was only a middling-looking apartment. They did +not often have a fire there; a paraffin lamp stove stood in the +fire-place, leering with its red eye as if it took a wicked +satisfaction in its own smell. Before the fire-place, re-reading the +already-known newspaper by the light of one gas jet, sat Johnny +Gillat. Poor old Johnny, with his round, pink face, whereon a grizzled +little moustache looked as much out of place as on a twelve-year-old +school-boy. There was something of the school-boy in his look and in +his deprecating manner, especially to Mrs. Polkington; he had always +been a little deprecating to her even when he had first known her, a +bride, while he himself was the wealthy bachelor friend of her +husband. He was still a bachelor, and still her husband's friend, but +the wealth had gone long ago. He had now only just enough to keep him, +fortunately so secured that he could not touch the principal. It was +a mercy he had it, for there was no known work at which he could have +earned sixpence, unless perhaps it was road scraping under a not too +exacting District Council. He was a harmless enough person, but when +he took it into his head to leave his lodgings in town for others, +equally cheap and nasty, at Marbridge, Mrs. Polkington felt fate was +hard upon her. It was like having two Captain Polkingtons, of a +different sort, but equally unsuitable for public use, in the place. +In self defence she had been obliged to make definite rules for Mr. +Gillat's coming and going about the house, and still more definite +rules as to the rooms in which he might be found. The dining-room was +allowed him, and there he was when Julia came. + +He looked up as she entered, and smiled; he regarded her as almost as +much his friend as her father; a composite creature, and a necessary +connection between the superior and inferior halves of the household. + +"Father not in, I hear," he said. + +"No," Julia answered. "What a smell there is!" + +Mr. Gillat allowed it. "There's something gone wrong with Bouquet," he +said, thoughtfully regarding the stove. + +The "Bouquet Heater" was the name under which it was patented; it did +not seem quite honest to speak of it as a heater, so perhaps "Bouquet" +was the better name. + +Julia went to it. "I should think there is," she said, and turned it +up, and turn it down, and altered the wicks, until she had improved +matters a little. + +"I'm afraid your father's having larks," Johnny said, watching her. + +"It's rather a pity if he is," Julia answered; "he has got to see some +one on business to-morrow." + +"Who?" + +"Mr. Frazer, a clergyman who wants to marry Violet." + +Mr. Gillat sat upright. "Dear, dear!" he exclaimed. "No? Really?" and +when Julia had given him an outline of the circumstances, he added +softly, "A wonderful woman! I always had a great respect for your +mother." From which it is clear he thought Mrs. Polkington was to be +congratulated. "And when is it to be?" he asked. + +"Violet says a year's time; they could not afford to marry sooner and +do it properly, but it will have to be sooner all the same." + +"A year is not a very long time," Mr. Gillat observed; "they go fast, +years; one almost loses count of them, they go so fast." + +"I dare say," Julia answered, "but Violet will have to get married +without waiting for the year to pass. We can't afford a long +engagement." + +Mr. Gillat looked mildly surprised and troubled; he always did when +scarcity of money was brought home to him, but Julia regarded it quite +calmly. + +"The sooner Violet is married," she said, "the sooner we can reduce +some of the expenses; we are living beyond our income now--not a great +deal, perhaps, still a bit; Violet's going would save enough, I +believe; we could catch up then. That is one reason, but the chief is +that a long engagement is expensive; you see, we should have to have +meals different, and fires different, and all manner of extras if Mr. +Frazer came in and out constantly. We should have to live altogether +in a more expensive style; we might manage it for three months, or six +if we were driven to it, but for a year--it is out of the question." + +"But," Mr. Gillat protested, "if they can't afford it? You said he +could not; he is a curate." + +"He must get a living, or a chaplaincy, or something; or rather, I +expect we must get it for him. Oh, no, we have no Church influence, +and we don't know any bishops; but one can always rake up influence, +and get to know people, if one is not too particular how." + +Mr. Gillat looked at her uneasily; every now and then there flitted +through his mind a suspicion that Julia was clever too, as clever +perhaps as her mother, and though not, like her, a moral and social +pillar standing in the high first estate from which he and the Captain +had fallen. Julia had never been that, never aspired to it; she was no +success at all; content to come and sit in the dining-room with him +and Bouquet; she could not really be clever, or else she would have +achieved something for herself, and scorned to consort with failures. +He smiled benignly as he remembered this, observing, "I dare say +something will be done--I hope it may; your mother's a wonderful +woman, a wonderful--" + +He broke off to listen; Julia listened too, then she rose to her feet. +"That's father," she said, and went to let him in. + +Mr. Gillat followed her to the door. "Ah--h'm," he said, as he saw the +Captain coming in slowly, with a face of despairing melancholy and a +drooping step. + +"Come down-stairs, father," Julia said. "Come along, Johnny." + +They followed her meekly to the basement, where there was a gloomy +little room behind the kitchen reserved for the Captain's special use. +A paraffin stove stood in the fire-place also, own brother to the one +in the dining-room; Julia stooped to light it, while her father sank +into a chair. + +"Gillat," he said in a voice of hopelessness, "I am a ruined man." + +"No?" Mr. Gillat answered sympathetically, but without surprise. "Dear +me!" He carefully put down the hat and stick he had brought with him, +the one on the edge of the table, the other against it, both so badly +balanced that they fell to the ground. + +"You shouldn't do it, you know," he said, with mild reproof; "you +really shouldn't." + +"Do it!" the Captain cried. "Do what?" + +Julia looked up from the floor where she knelt trimming the +stove-lamp. "Have five whiskeys and sodas," she said, examining her +father judicially. + +He did not deny the charge; Julia's observation was not to be avoided. + +"And what is five?" he demanded with dignity. + +"Three too many for you," she answered. + +"Do you mean to insinuate that I am intoxicated?" he asked. "Johnny," +he turned pathetically to his friend, "my own daughter insinuates that +I am intoxicated." + +"No," Julia said, "I don't; I say it does not agree with you, and it +doesn't--you know you ought not to take more than two glasses." + +"Is that your opinion, Gillat?" Captain Polkington asked. "Is that +what you meant? That I--I should confine myself to two glasses of +whiskey and water?" + +"I wasn't thinking of the whiskey," Johnny said apologetically; "it +was the gees." + +The Captain groaned, but what he said more Julia did not hear; she +went out into the kitchen to get paraffin. But she had no doubt that +he defended the attacked point to his own satisfaction, as he always +had done--cards, races, and kindred pleasant, if expensive, things, +ever since the days long ago before he sent in his papers. + +These same pleasant things had had a good deal to do with the sending +in of the papers; not that they had led the Captain into anything +disgraceful, the compulsion to resign his commission came solely from +relatives, principally those of his wife. It was their opinion that +he worked too little and played too much, and an expensive kind of +play. That he drank too much was not said; of course, the Indian +climate and life tempted to whiskey pegs, and nature had not fitted +him for them in large quantities; still that was never cast up against +him. Enough was, however, to bring things to an end; he resigned, +relations helped to pay his debts, and he came home with the avowed +intention of getting some gentlemanly employment. Of course he never +got any, it wasn't likely, hardly possible; but he had something left +to live upon--a very small private income, a clever wife, and some +useful and conscientious relations. + +Somehow the family lived, quite how in the early days no one knew; +Mrs. Polkington never spoke of it at the time, and now, mercifully, +she had forgotten part, but the struggle must have been bitter. +Herself disillusioned, her daughters mere children, her position +insecure, and her husband not yet reduced to submission, and always +prone to slip back into his old ways. But she had won through somehow, +and time had given her the compensations possible to her nature. She +was, by her own untiring efforts, a social factor now, even a social +success; her eldest daughter was engaged to a clergyman of sufficient, +if small, means, and her youngest was almost a beauty. As to the +Captain, he was still there; time had not taken him away, but it had +reduced him; he gave little trouble now even when Johnny Gillat came; +he kept so out of the way that she had almost come to regard him as a +negligible factor--which was a mistake. + +Both the Captain and his friend had a great respect for Mrs. +Polkington, though both felt at times that she treated them a little +hardly. The Captain especially felt this, but he put up with it; after +all it is easier to acquiesce than to assert one's rights, and, as +Johnny pointed out, it was on the whole more comfortable, in spite of +horse-hair chairs, down in the basement than up in the drawing-room. +There was no need to make polite conversation down here, and one might +smoke, no matter how cheap the tobacco, and put one's feet up, and +really Bouquet was almost as good as a fire when you once get used to +it. + +Johnny was of a contented mind, he even looked contented sitting by +the empty stove when Julia came back with the paraffin; the Captain, +on the other hand, appeared to be very gloomy and unhappy; he sat +silent all the time his daughter was present. As she was leaving the +room Johnny tried to rouse him. "We might have a game," he suggested, +looking towards a pack of cards that stuck out of a half-opened +drawer. + +"I have nothing in the world that I can call my own," Captain +Polkington answered, without moving. + +Mr. Gillat felt in his own lean pockets surreptitiously. "We might +play for paper," he said. + +And as she went up-stairs Julia listened to hear their chairs scroop +on the kamptulikon floor as they drew them to the table; she was +surprised not to hear the sound, but she imagined the game must have +been put off a little so that her father could talk over his troubles. +Which, indeed, was the case, though the magnitude of those troubles +she did not guess. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +THE DEBT + + +Violet's engagement was an accepted fact. Mr. Frazer came to see the +Captain, who received him in the dining-room--the combined ingenuity +of the family could not make the down-stairs room presentable. The +interview was short, but satisfactory; so also was the one with Mrs. +Polkington which followed; with Violet it was longer, but, no doubt, +equally satisfactory. Lunch, too, was all that could be desired. Mrs. +Polkington's manners were always gracious, and to-day she had a +charming air of taking Richard into the family--after having shut all +the doors, actual and metaphorical, which led to anything real and +personal. The Captain was rather twittery at lunch, at times inclined +to talk too much, at times heavily silent and always obviously +submissive to his wife. Yesterday's excitement was not enough to +account for this in Julia's opinion. "He has been doing something," +she decided, and wondered what. + +Mrs. Polkington and her daughters all went out that afternoon; Julia, +however, returned at about dusk. As the others had no intention of +coming back so soon, there was no drawing-room tea; a much simpler +meal was spread in the dining-room. Julia and her father had only just +sat down to it when they heard Johnny Gillat's knock at the front +door, followed a minute afterwards by Mr. Gillat himself; but when he +saw that the Captain was not alone, he stopped on the threshold; +Julia's presence, contrary to custom, seemed to discompose him. He, +then, was in her father's secret, whatever it might be; she guessed as +much when she saw his perturbed pink face. However, she did not say +anything, only invited Mr. Gillat to have some tea. + +Johnny sat down, and put a small and rather badly tied parcel beside +him; next minute he picked it up again, and began surreptitiously to +put it into first one pocket and then another. It was rather a tight +fit, and in his efforts to do it unobtrusively, he made some +disturbance, but no one remarked on it; Captain Polkington because he +was too despondent, Julia because it did not seem worth while. +Conversation languished; Julia did what she could, but her father +answered in monosyllables, and Mr. Gillat said, "Very true," or "Ah, +yes, yes," eating slice after slice of thick bread and butter, and +filling his mouth very full as if to cork it up and so prevent his +having to answer awkward questions. + +At last Captain Polkington rose; "Gillat," he said, "if you have +finished, we may as well go down-stairs." + +Johnny set down his half-finished cup of tea with alacrity, and with +alacrity followed the Captain. But Julia followed too; Johnny turned +uneasily as he heard her step behind him on the dark stairs; +doubtless, so he told himself, she was going to the kitchen. She was +not, however; on the contrary, she showed every sign of accompanying +them to the little room behind. + +"Do you want anything, Julia?" her father asked, turning about in the +doorway; "I'm busy to-night--I wish you would go away." + +The sentence began with dignity, but ended with querulousness. But +Julia was not affected; she came into the room. "I want to talk to +you," she said, closing the door. "You had much better tell me about +it, you will be found out, you know; mother would have guessed there +was something wrong to-day if she had not been so busy with Mr. +Frazer." + +"Found out in what?" the Captain demanded; "I should like to know of +what you accuse me--you, my own daughter--this is much, indeed." + +He paced the hearthrug with outraged dignity, but Julia only drew one +of the horse-hair chairs to the table. "You would do better to tell +me," she said; "I might be able to help you--Johnny, won't you sit +down?" + +Johnny took the cane deck-chair, sitting down nervously and so near +the edge that the old chair creaked ominously. Captain Polkington +paced the rug once or twice more, then he sat down opposite, giving up +all pretence of dignity. + +"It is money, of course," Julia went on; "I suppose you lost at the +races yesterday--how much?" + +The Captain did not answer, he seemed overwhelmed by his troubles. +"How much?" Julia repeated, turning to Mr. Gillat. + +"It was rather much," that gentleman answered apologetically. + +Julia looked puzzled. "How could he have much to lose?" she asked. +"You couldn't, you know," bending her brows as she looked at her +father--"unless you borrowed--did you borrow?" + +"Yes, yes," he said, rather eagerly; "I borrowed--that was it; of +course I was going to pay back--I am going to pay back." + +"From whom did you borrow?" Another pause, and the question again, +then the Captain explained confusedly: "The cheque--it came a day +early--I merely meant to make use of it for the day--" + +"The cheque!" Julia repeated, with dawning comprehension. "The cheque +from Slade & Slade that mother was speaking of this morning. Our +cheque, the money we have to live on for the next three months?" + +"My cheque," her father said, with one last effort at dignity; "made +out to me--my income that I have a perfect right to spend as I like; I +used my own money for my own purposes." + +He forgot that a moment back he had excused the act as a borrowing; +Julia did not remind him, she was too much concerned with the facts to +trouble about mere turns of speech. They, like words and motives, had +not heretofore entered much into her considerations; consequences were +what was really important to her--how the bad might be averted, how +the good drawn that way, and all used to the best advantage. This +point of view, though it leaves a great deal to be desired, has one +advantage--those who take it waste no time in lamentation or reproof. +For that reason they are perhaps some of the least unpleasant people +to confess to. + +Julia wasted no words now; she sat for a brief minute, stunned by the +magnitude of the calamity which had deprived them of the largest part +of their income for the next three months; then she began to look +round in her mind to see what might be done. Captain Polkington +offered a few not very coherent explanations and excuses, to which she +did not listen, and then relapsed into silence. Johnny sat opposite, +rubbing his hands in nervous sympathy, and looking from father to +daughter; he took the silence of the one to be as hopeless as that of +the other. + +"We thought," he ventured at last, tugging at the parcel now firmly +wedged in his pocket. "We hoped, that is, we thought perhaps we might +raise a trifle, it wouldn't be much help--" + +But neither of the others were listening to him, and Captain +Polkington interrupted with his own remedy, "We shall have to manage +on credit," he said; "we can get credit for this three months." + +"We can't," Julia assured him; "the greater part of that money was to +have paid outstanding bills; we can't live on credit, because we +haven't got any to live on." + +"That's nonsense," her father said; "it can be done with care and +economy, and retrenchments." + +Julia did not answer, so Johnny took up the words. "Yes, yes," he +said, "one can always retrench; it is really marvellous how little one +can do with, in fact one is better for it; I feel a different man for +having to retrench. Your mother's a wonderful woman"--he stopped, then +added doubtfully as he thought of the lost apple tart--"I suppose, +though, she would want to make a good appearance just now, with the +engagement, Mr. Frazer in and out. It is very unfortunate, very." + +By this time he had untied his parcel, and flattening the paper on his +knees began to put the contents on the table. There were some +field-glasses, a breast pin, and a few other such things; when he had +put them all out he felt in his waistcoat-pocket for his watch. + +"They would fetch a trifle," he said, regarding the row a little +proudly. + +"Those?" Julia asked, puzzled. + +"Yes," Mr. Gillat said; "not a great deal, of course, but it would be +a help--it might pay the butcher's bill. It's a great thing to have +the butcher's bill paid; I've heard my landlady say so; it gives a +standing with the other tradespeople, and that's what you want--she +often says so." + +"You mean you think of selling them for us?" Julia asked, fixing her +keen eyes on Johnny, so that he felt very guilty, and as if he ought +to excuse himself. But before he could do it she had swept his +belongings together. "You won't do anything of the kind," she said. + +"Why not?" + +"Because we won't have it. Pack them up." + +"Oh, but," Johnny protested, "it would be a little help, it would +indeed; they would fetch something, the glasses are good ones, though +a bit old-fashioned, and the watch--" + +"I don't care, I won't have it," and Julia took the matter into her +own hands, and began with a flushed face to re-pack the things +herself. + +"Is it that you think I can't spare them?" Gillat asked, still +bewildered. "I can--what an idea," he laughed. "What do I want with +field-glasses, now? And as to a watch, my time's nothing to me!" + +"No, I dare say not," Julia said, but she tied the parcel firmly, then +she gave it to him. "Take it away," she said, "and don't try to sell a +thing." + +She opened the door as she spoke, and he, accepting it as a hint of +dismissal, meekly followed her from the room. When they had reached +the hall above he ventured on a last protest. "Why may I not sell +anything?" he asked. + +"Because we have not quite come to that," she said, with a ring of +bitterness in her voice: "We have come pretty low, I know, with our +dodges and our shifts, but we haven't quite come to depriving you. +Johnny"--and she stretched out a hand to him, a thing which was rare, +for no one thought it necessary to shake hands with Mr. Gillat--"it's +very good of you to offer; I'm grateful to you; I'm awfully glad you +did it; you made me ashamed." + +Johnny looked at her perplexed; the note of bitterness in her voice +had deepened to something more he was altogether at a loss to +understand. But she gave him no opportunity for inquiry, for she +opened the street door. + +"Good-bye," she said, her usual self again, "and don't you let me +catch you selling those things." + +"Oh, I say! But how will you manage?" he protested. + +"Somehow; I have got several ideas already; I'm better at this sort of +game than you are, you know." + +And she shut the door upon him; then she went back to Captain +Polkington. + +"Father," he said, "would you mind telling me if you have borrowed any +other money? It would be much simpler if we knew just how we stood." + +The Captain seemed to have a painfully clear idea of how he stood. +"Your mother," he remarked, with apparent irrelevance, "is such an +unreasonable woman; if she were like you--if she saw things sensibly. +But she won't, she'll make a fuss; she will entirely overlook the fact +that it is my own money that I have lost." + +"I am afraid she will," Julia agreed. "Will you tell me if you lost +any one else's money as well?" + +"Oh, a trifle," the Captain said; "nothing to speak of yesterday; I +have borrowed a little now and again, at cards and so on; a trifling +accommodation." + +"From whom?" + +"Rawson-Clew." + +Julia nodded; this was bad, but it might have been worse. Mr. +Rawson-Clew was not a personal friend of the Polkingtons, and he was +not a man in an inferior position who might presume upon his loan to +the Captain to establish a friendly footing. On the contrary, he was +in a superior position, so much so that for a moment Julia was at a +loss to understand how he came to accommodate her father. Then she +recalled his face--he had been pointed out to her--he looked a +good-natured fool; probably he had met the Captain somewhere and been +sorry for him, or perhaps he did not like to say "no." In any case he +had lent the money and, so Julia fancied, would have to wait a very +long time before he saw it again. She dismissed the young man from her +mind and fell to working out plans to meet the more pressing +difficulties. + +The relations would have to help; not with money; they would not do +that to a useful extent, but with invitations. Cherie was easily +provided for; Aunt Louise had before offered to take her abroad for +the winter; Cherie did not in the least want to go; it was likely to +be nothing nicer than acting as unpaid companion to a fidgety old +lady; but under the present circumstances she would have to go. For +Violet it was not quite so easy; it would look rather odd for her to +go visiting among obliging relatives, seeing that she was only just +engaged--how things looked was a point the Polkingtons always +considered. But it would have to be managed; Julia fancied something +might be arranged at Bath, a place which was a cheap fare from +Marbridge. Mrs. Polkington would probably go somewhere for part of the +time, then there could be some real retrenchments not otherwise +possible. Mary might be dismissed; Mr. Gillat even might come to board +with them for a little; the outside world need not know he was a guest +that paid. + +Julia was not satisfied with these plans; they would barely meet the +difficulty she knew, even with credit stretched to the uttermost and +the household crippled for some time; but she could think of nothing +better, and determined to suggest them to Mrs. Polkington. With these +thoughts in her mind, she went up-stairs; as she passed the +drawing-room, she noticed that the blinds had not been pulled down; +she went to the window to remedy the omission, and so saw in the +street below the young man who, with the debt owing to him, she had +lately dismissed from her mind. There was a street lamp directly below +the window, and she stood a moment by the curtain looking down. Mr. +Rawson-Clew was riding past, but slowly; it was quite possible to see +his face, which did not contradict her former opinion--good-natured +but foolish, and possibly weak. He turned in his saddle just below the +window to speak to his companion, and she noticed that it was a +stranger with him, a man wearing a single eyeglass, ten years older +than the other, and of a totally different stamp. Indeed, of a stamp +differing from any she had seen at Marbridge, so much so that she +wondered how he came to be here, and what he was doing. But this was +rather a waste of time, for the next day she knew. + +The next day he came down the street again, but this time alone and on +foot. He stopped at No. 27, and there asked for Captain Polkington. +Julia, hearing the knock, and the visitor subsequently being ushered +into the dining-room, guessed it must be Mr. Gillat, perhaps come with +his parcel again; when she saw Mary she asked her. + +"No, miss," was the answer; "it's another gentleman to see the +master." + +"Who?" Julia's mind was alert for fresh difficulties. + +"Mr. Rawson-Clew." + +"I don't know who he is," Mary went on; "I've never set eyes on him +before, but he's a grand sort of gentleman; I hardly liked to put him +in the dining-room, only missis's orders was 'Mr. Gillat or any +gentleman to see the master there.'" + +Which was true enough, and might reasonably have been reckoned a safe +order, for no one but Mr. Gillat ever did come to see the Captain. + +"I hope I've done right," Mary said. + +"Quite right," Julia answered, though she did not feel so sure of it. +The name and the vague description of the visitor somehow suggested to +her mind the stranger who had ridden past with young Mr. Rawson-Clew. +She went up-stairs, uneasy as much from intuition as from experience. +In the hall she stood a minute. The dining-room door did not shut too +well, the lock was old and worn, and unless it was fastened carefully, +it came open; the Captain never managed to fasten it, and now it stood +ajar; Julia could hear something of what was said within almost as +soon as she reached the top of the kitchen stairs. The visitor spoke +quietly, his words were not audible, but the Captain's voice was +raised with excitement. + +"The money, sir, the money that your cousin lent--accommodation +between gentlemen--" + +So Julia heard incompletely, and then another disjointed sentence. + +"Do you take me for an adventurer, a sharper? I am a soldier, sir, a +soldier and a gentleman--at least, I was--I mean I was a soldier, I am +a gentleman--" + +Julia came swiftly up the hall, the instinct of the female to spread +frail wings and protect her helpless belongings (old equally as much +as young) was strong upon her. The pushed open the dining-room door +and walked in. + +"Father," she said, "is anything the matter?" + +Both men turned, the stranger clearly surprised and annoyed by the +interruption, the Captain for a moment thinking of pulling himself +together and dismissing his daughter with a lie. But he did not do it; +he was too shaken to think quickly, also there was a sense of +reinforcement in her presence; this he did not realise; indeed, he +realised nothing except that she spoke again before he had collected +himself. + +"Is it about the money Mr. Rawson-Clew lent you?" she asked. + +He nodded, and she turned to the other man, who had risen on her +entrance, and now stood with his back to the evil-smelling stove which +Mary had lighted as usual in honour of Captain Polkington's visitors. +She measured him swiftly, and no detail escaped her; the well-bred +impassive face, where the annoyance caused by her entrance showed only +in the rather hard eyes; the straight figure, even the perfection of +his tailoring and the style of his boots--she summed it all up with +the rapidity of one who has had to depend on her wits before. And her +wits were to be depended on, for, in spite of the warmth of her +protective anger, she felt his superiority of person, position and +ability, and, only too probably, of cause also. She could have laughed +at the contrast he presented to her father and herself and the +surroundings. It was perhaps for this reason that she asked him +maliciously, "Have you come to collect the debt?" + +The question went home. "Certainly not," he answered haughtily; "the +money--" + +But the Captain prevented whatever he was going to say. "He thinks I +am an adventurer, a sharper," he bleated, now thoroughly throwing +himself on his daughter's protection; "his intention seems to be a +warning not to try to get anything more out of his cousin--something +of that sort." + +Julia paid little attention to her father. "You were going to say," +she inquired serenely of Rawson-Clew, "something about the money, I +think?" + +"No," he answered, with cold politeness. "I only meant to suggest +that this is perhaps rather an unpleasant subject for a lady." + +He moved as if he would open the door for her, but she stood her +ground. "It is unpleasant," she said; "for that reason had we not +better get it over quickly? You have not come to collect the debt, you +have come, then, for what?" + +"To make one or two things plain to Captain Polkington. I believe I +have succeeded; if so, he will no doubt tell you anything you wish to +know. Good afternoon," and he moved to the door on his own account, +whereupon Julia's calmness gave way. + +"You do think my father an adventurer, then?" she said. "You think him +a sharper and your cousin a gull, and you came to warn him that if he +tried to get anything more in future it was you with whom he would +have to deal. And the money--you were going to say the money was not +what you came for because you never expected to see it again? But you +are wrong there; you shall see it; it will be repaid, every penny of +it." + +Rawson-Clew paused till she had finished; then, "I am sorry for any +misunderstanding there may have been," he said. "I trust you will +trouble yourself no farther in the matter," and he opened the door. + +It was not a denial; it was not, so Julia considered, even an apology; +to her it seemed more like a polite request to mind her own business, +and she went up to her room after he had gone almost unjustly angry, +too angry for the time being to think about the rashness of her +promise that the debt should be paid. + +"He thought us dirt," she said, sitting on the end of her narrow iron +bed. Then she smiled rather grimly. "And we are pretty much what he +thought us! Father sponged the money, and I decided to myself that the +repaying did not much matter. We are, as we looked to him, two grubby +little people of doubtful honesty, in a grubby room with Bouquet," and +she laughed outright, although she was alone, and the faculty for +seeing and deriding herself as others might, had a somewhat bitter +flavour. Nevertheless, she was very angry and quite determined to pay +the money somehow, so that at least it should appear to this man that +he was mistaken. + +An hour later she carried Captain Polkington's tea down to him; when +tea was in the drawing-room his was always sent to him thus. She found +him not depressed at all, on the contrary quite cheerful, and even +dignified. He was reading something when she came in, and seeing that +she was alone, he handed it to her. It was from Mr. Rawson-Clew she +found, a sort of recognition of the discharge of the debt, or at least +a formal cancelling of it. It was carefully and conclusively worded, +certainly not the unaided work of the young man who had ridden past +last night. It was dictated by the other, she was sure of it; possibly +even he had himself discharged the debt so as to end the matter. Her +eyes blazed as she read; he would not even allow her the satisfaction +of giving him the lie--and the misery of straining and pinching to do +the impossible. From pride, or from pity, or from both, he had +finished the thing there and then, or he thought he had. She tore the +paper across and then across again. + +"What are you doing?" Captain Polkington cried, seizing her hands as +she would have torn it again. "Don't you know it is valuable? I must +keep it; he can't go back on it if he wants to." He took it from her, +and began to piece it together. "I can look the world in the face +again," he said, admiring the fragments. "I am free, free and cleared; +that debt would have hung like a millstone around my neck, but I am +free of it; it is cancelled." + +"Free!" Julia said with scorn. There are disadvantages in reducing a +man to a subordinate position and allowing him no use for his +self-respect; it is a virtue that has a tendency to atrophy. Julia +recognised this with something like personal shame. "Your debt is +discharged," she said gently, "but mine is not; it has been shifted, +not cancelled; it lies with me and Mr. Rawson-Clew now, and it shall +be paid somehow." + +Captain Polkington hardly heeded what she said; he was still smoothing +the pieces of paper. "What?" he asked, as he put them away in an +envelope, but he did not wait for her answer. "It was very heedless of +you to tear it," he said; "but fortunately there is no damage done; it +is perfectly valid, all that can be required." + + + + +CHAPTER III + +NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS AZUREUM + + +The _elite_ called to congratulate Mrs. Polkington on her daughter's +engagement. All manner of pleasant things were said by them and by +Mrs. Polkington in an atmosphere of social sunshine. She thought it so +nice of them to come so soon, she told them so severally; she knew +that they--"you all," "you, at least," "you, my oldest friend," +according to circumstances--would be pleased to hear about it. She +gave sundry little hints of future plans and hopes, among other things +mentioned that it really was hard for poor Violet to have to go and +cheer an invalid cousin just now. + +"And the worst of it is," so Mrs. Polkington said, "she may have to be +away some time. There really seems no one else to go, and one could +not leave the poor dear alone at this dull time of the year; and, +after all, Bath is not very far off; some of Richard's people live +there, too. I should not be surprised if the young people contrive to +see a good deal of each other in spite of everything. Indeed, had I +not thought so, I think I should have insisted on Cherie's going +instead of Violet, although she would have had to give up her winter +abroad." + +Here the visitor usually made polite inquiries about this same winter +abroad, and heard of a delightful prospect of several months to be +spent in the south of France, unnecessary and unpleasant details all +omitted. + +"You do agree with me?" Mrs. Polkington would then ask rather +anxiously, as if her hearer's opinion was the one that really mattered +to her. "You do think it wrong to allow Cherie to refuse this +invitation for Violet's sake? I am very glad you think so. I had quite +a difficulty in persuading her; but, as I told her, it was not a +chance she was likely to have again. So she is going, and Violet will +have to spend her winter in Bath. Julia? Oh, Julia was not asked in +either case; she will be staying at home with me." + +From all of which it is clear that part of Julia's plan was to be +adopted. The other part must have found favour, too, for soon it +became known that the Polkingtons were without a servant. Mrs. +Polkington made inquiries among her friends, but could not hear of any +one suitable; she said it was very tiresome, especially as they had +taken advantage of the girl's empty room to invite an old Anglo-Indian +friend of her husband's to stay. + +Thus was the difficulty tided over, and with so good a face that few +in Marbridge had any idea that it existed. Certainly none knew of the +pinching and screwing and retrenching which went on indoors at No. 27. +One or two tradesmen could have told of long accounts unpaid, and some +relations living at a distance were troubled by appeals for help, a +form of begging which, at this date of their history did not hurt the +Polkingtons' sensibility much. + +Mrs. Polkington suffered in body, if not in mind, during this hard +time, though fortunately she was able to be away a month. The Captain +suffered a good deal more, which was perhaps only just; and Johnny +Gillat suffered with him, which was not just, though that did not seem +to occur to him. As for Julia, she minded least of any one, though in +some ways she had the most to put up with; but the plan was hers, and +consequently she was too interested in its success to trouble about +the inevitable discomforts of the working out. + +There was one matter which did trouble her, however--the debt to +Rawson-Clew. She had no money, and no possibility of raising any; yet +it must and should be paid, for her father's name could not otherwise +be cleared. She turned over in her own mind how she could earn enough, +but there was little hope of that; it seemed rather a large sum for a +girl to earn, and any sum was impossible to her; she had no gifts to +take to market, no ability for any of the arts, not enough education +for teaching, no training for commerce. The only field open to her was +that of a nursery-governess or companion; neither was likely to enable +her to pay this debt of honour quickly. Once, nearly a year ago, she +had had a sort of half-offer of the post of companion. It was while +she was staying with a friend; during the visit there had come to the +house an old Dutchman of the name of Van Heigen, a business +acquaintance of her host. He had stayed nearly a week, and in that +time taken a great fancy to her. + +In those first bad days after the Captain's leaving the army, the +Polkingtons had lived, or perhaps more accurately, drifted about, a +good deal abroad. It was then that Julia picked up her only +accomplishment, a working knowledge of several languages. She had also +acquired one other thing, perhaps not an accomplishment, a rather +unusual knowledge of divers men and divers ways. It may have been that +these qualities made her more attractive to the old Dutchman than the +purely English game-expert daughters of the house. Or it may have been +her admirable cooking; the cook was ill during the greater part of her +visit, and her offer to help was gladly accepted and duly +appreciated. Something, at all events, pleased the old man, so that +before he left he asked her, half in fun, if she would come and live +with his wife. This lady, it seemed, had bad health, and no daughters; +she always had a companion of some sort, and was never satisfied with +the one she had. In Holland, as in England, it seemed posts were not +easy to fill satisfactorily, for those often in want of employment +were also constitutionally inefficient. + +At the time Julia had laughingly refused the offer, now she recalled +it, and thought seriously about it. It would not be very nice, a +mixture of upper servant and lady help; the Van Heigens were bulb +growers, old-fashioned people, the lady a thorough _huisvrouw_, +nothing more probably. Still that did not matter; such things need not +be considered if the end could be attained that way. But unfortunately +it did not look very likely; the Van Heigens would pay less to a +companion than English people would, not enough to buy clothes; there +was practically nothing to be made out of it. Julia was obliged to +admit the fact to herself, and reluctantly to dismiss the Dutchman and +his offer from her thoughts. + +But curiously enough, they were brought to her mind again before long; +not later, indeed, than that evening, when she went to a dance at a +neighbour's house. At this dance she met a Mr. Alexander Cross. He was +not a native of Marbridge, not at all like any of them; it is quite +possible that they would have rather looked down upon him; Julia +recognised that he barely came up to her mother's standard of a +gentleman. He seemed to be a keen business man of the energetic new +sort; he also seemed to deal in most things, flowers among them. He +told Julia something about that part of his business, for he and it +interested her so much that she asked him leading questions. He +explained how the beautiful orchid he wore in his coat had decreased +in value lately. A few years ago, when there had been but one specimen +with just that marking in all the world, the plant had sold for L900; +now that it had been multiplied it was worth only L25, nothing +practically. + +"It was a novelty then," he explained; "some novelties are worth a +great deal. There's one I know of now I could do some good business +with if I could get hold of it. But I can't; the old fool that's got +it won't sell it for any price, and he can't half work it himself. +It's a blue daffodil--Narcissus Triandrus Azureum he calls it; or +rather, to give it its full title, Narcissus Triandrus Azureum Vrouw +Van Heigen; so called, I believe, in honour of his wife, or his +mother." + +Julia wondered if the Van Heigen who owned the precious flower was the +old Dutchman of her acquaintance. "Is he a bulb grower?" she asked, +though without giving any reason for her question. + +"Yes," Cross answered, "a Dutch bulb grower; that's why he won't make +the profit he might; he comes of generations of growers, and they +venerate their bulbs. He has cranky notions of how things ought to be +done, and no other way will do for him." + +"How did he get a blue daffodil? Do you think it is real? It seems +very unusual." + +"It is unusual; that's where the value comes in; but it's real fast +enough, though I don't believe he grew the first, as he says, in his +own garden. It's my opinion that one of his collectors sent him the +first bulb; he has collectors all over the world, you know, looking +for new things." + +"What is he going to do with it?" Julia asked. + +"He is multiplying it at present; at first he had only one, now, of +course, he has a few more; when he has got enough he will hybridise. +You don't know what that is. Cross-breed with it; use the blue with +the old yellow daffodil as parents to new varieties. That's ticklish +work; growers can't afford to do it till they have a fair number of +the new sort; but, of course, they occasionally get something good +that way." + +Julia listened, much interested, though, to tell the truth, the money +value of the thing fascinated her more than anything else. + +"Will he never sell any of his blue bulbs?" she asked. + +"Oh, yes, in time," Cross answered; "but not while they are worth +anything much to the growers." + +"What are they worth? I mean, what would it be worth if there was only +one?" + +"I don't know; I dare say I could get L400 for the single bulb." + +"But if there were more they would not be worth so much? If there were +five, what would they be worth?" + +"Pretty well as much, very likely L300 for one bulb. Van Heigen would +give a written guarantee with it not to sell another bulb to another +grower." + +"But he could keep the others himself?" Julia asked. "That would be +eating his cake and having it too. Tell me," she said, feeling she was +imitating the Patriarch when he was pleading for Sodom and Gomorrah, +"if there were ten bulbs, what could you get for one." + +Cross was amused by her interest. "A hundred pounds, I dare say," he +said; "but I shall never have the chance. The trade will never touch +those blue daffodils while they are worth having. When the old man +does begin to sell them--when they are worth very little to the +growers--he will sell to collectors, cranky old connoisseurs, from +choice. That's what I mean when I say he doesn't understand business +as business; he would rather sell his precious blue daffodils where +they were what he calls 'appreciated.' He would sooner they went for a +moderate price to people who would worship them, than make an enormous +profit out of them." + +"But the connoisseurs could sell them," Julia objected. "If I were a +connoisseur and bought one when they were for sale, I could sell it to +you if I liked." + +"Yes, but you wouldn't," Cross said; "if you were a connoisseur you +would not dream of parting with your bulb. You wouldn't have the +slightest wish to make a hundred per cent. on your purchase, or two or +three hundred either. Also I shouldn't buy." + +"Why not?" + +"I couldn't afford to have my name mixed up with the business." + +Julia looked at him critically. "You could afford that the business +should be done without your name?" she suggested. + +He laughed. "I could introduce the seller, did such an impossible +person exist, to some one who could buy." + +It was Julia's turn to laugh, that soundless laugh of hers which gave +the feeling of a joke only half shared. "For a consideration, of +course," she said. + +"Something would naturally stick to my fingers," Cross answered, +amused rather than offended. + +He was a good deal amused by his partner, finding her more interesting +than most of the girls he met that evening; afterwards he forgot her, +for two days later he left the place, and thought no more either about +Miss Polkington or the talk he had had with her. + +As for her, it was not clear what she thought, but the next day she +wrote to London for a second-hand Dutch dictionary, and then went to +call at the house with the largest library that she knew. When she +came away from there she carried with her a book she had borrowed, a +Dutch version of _Gil Blas_, which she remembered to have once seen +tucked away in a corner. Shortly afterwards, as soon as the dictionary +came, she set to reading the edifying work, and found it easier than +she expected. What one learns from necessity in childhood stays in the +memory, and a good knowledge of German and a smallish one of Dutch +will carry one through greater difficulties than _Gil Blas_. + +Before her mother and sisters came back to Marbridge, Julia had +written to the old Dutchman. + +When Mrs. Polkington heard Julia wanted to go to Holland and live in a +Dutch family she was surprised. This news was not given to her till +the spring had fairly set in, for it was not till then that Julia had +been able to get everything arranged. It is no use telling people your +plans unless you are quite sure of carrying them out, and you are +never sure of that long before starting; at least, that was Julia's +opinion. It was also her opinion that it was quite unnecessary to tell +all details. She said she was tired of being at Marbridge, and wanted +a complete change; also that when there were three grown-up sisters at +home it seemed rather desirable that one should go away, for a time at +least. When Violet suggested that it was odd to have chosen Holland in +preference to France or Germany, she replied truthfully that the one +was possible to her, the others were not. + +Mrs. Polkington, who quite approved of the plan, saw no objection to +Holland, adding as a recommendation, "It is so much more original to +go there." She did not fail to remark on the originality when she +embroidered Julia's going to her friends and acquaintances. + +Captain Polkington was the only member of the family who regretted +this going. He had always regarded Julia as something between an ally +and a tolerant go-between; and since she had wrung from him the +confession of his difficulties, and helped in the arrangement of them, +his feeling for her had leaned more and more towards the former. He +had even come to feel a certain protectiveness in her presence, which +made him really sorry she was going. Johnny Gillat was sorrier still. + +Johnny had gone back to dismal lodgings in town now; he only heard of +the plan by letter, and the Captain's letters were very prolix, and +not informing. Mr. Gillat's own letters were even worse, for if they +lacked the prolixity, they lacked the little information also. On +receipt of the Captain's information he merely wrote to ask when Julia +was going, and what time she would be in London, as he would like to +give himself the pleasure of meeting her train. + +He did give himself that pleasure; he was at the station half an hour +and ten minutes before the train, so as to be sure of being in time. +He was on the platform when the train came in; Julia saw him, a rather +ridiculous figure, his shabby coat tremendously brushed and tightly +buttoned, a gay tie displayed to the uttermost to hide a ragged shirt +front, his round, pink face, with its little grizzled moustache, +wearing a look of melancholy which made it appear more than ordinarily +foolish. He was standing where the part of the train which came from +Marbridge could not possibly stop, much in the way of porters and +trucks; Julia had to find him and find her luggage too, but he seemed +to think he was of much service. Julia's hard young heart smote her +when he gave twopence to her porter. + +"Johnny," she said, as he took her ticket on the District Railway, "I +am going to pay for my ticket." + +It was only threepence, but there are people who have to consider the +threepences; if Julia was one, she knew that Mr. Gillat was another, +and she had allowed for this threepence, and he probably had not. He +demurred, but she insisted. "Then I won't let you come with me;" and +he gave way. + +They were alone in a compartment, and he shouted above the rattle of +the train something about her being missed at Marbridge. + +"Oh, no," she said, "mother and the girls think it is a good thing I +am going." + +"Your father and I will miss you," Johnny told her. + +"You?" + +"Yes; I'll miss you very much--we both shall; we shall sit +down-stairs, each side of the fire-place, and think how you used to +come there sometimes. And when I wait in the dining-room when your +father's not at home, I'll remember how you used to come down there +and chat. We had many a chat, didn't we?--you and me, and Bouquet +burning between us--there was nobody could trim Bouquet like you. But +perhaps you'll be back before winter comes round again?" + +"I don't know when I shall be back," was all Julia could find to say. +The idea of being missed like this was new and strange to her; the +Polkingtons' feelings were so much guided by what was advisable, or +expedient, that there was not usually much room for simple emotions. +She felt somehow grateful to Johnny for caring a little that she was +going, though at the same time she was unpleasantly convinced that she +did not deserve it. + +"It won't be at all the same at No. 27," Mr. Gillat was saying. "Your +mother--she's a wonderful woman, a wonderful woman, and Miss Violet's +a fine girl, so's the other, handsome both of them; but they're in +the drawing-room, you know, and you--you used to come down-stairs." + +It did not sound very explicit, but Julia understood what he meant. +Just then the train stopped at a station, and other passengers got in, +so they had little more talk. + +In time they reached Mark Lane, from whence it is no great walk to the +Tower Stairs. There is a cheap way of going to Holland from there for +those who do not mind spending twenty-four hours on the journey; Julia +did not mind. When she and Johnny Gillat arrived at the Tower Stairs +they saw the steamer lying in the river, a small Dutch boat, still +taking in cargo from loaded lighters alongside. A waterman put them on +board, or, rather, took them to the nearest waiting lighter, from +whence they scrambled on board, Mr. Gillat very unhandily. A Dutch +steward received them, and taking Johnny for a father come to see his +daughter off, assured them in bad English that she would be quite +safe, and well taken care of. + +"She shall haf one cabin to herself, a bed clean. Yes, yes; there is +no passenger but one, a Holland gentleman; he will not speak with the +miss, he is friend of captain." + +Johnny nodded a great many times, though he did not quite follow what +was said. Then Julia told him he had better go, and not keep the +waterman any longer. + +He agreed, and began fumbling in his pocket, from whence he pulled out +one of his badly-tied parcels. + +"A keepsake," he said, putting it into her hand; then, without waiting +to say good-bye, he scrambled over the side in such a hurry that he as +nearly as possible fell into the river. + +Julia ran to the side in some anxiety; some one shouted, "Look out," +and some one else, "Hold up," and a third something less +complimentary. Then a man laid hold of Mr. Gillat's legs and guided +him safely on to the bobbing lighter. There he turned and waved his +hat to Julia before he got into the waiting boat. + +"Good-bye," he called. + +"Good-bye," she answered. "Oh, do be careful!" + +He was not careful, but the waterman had him now, and took him ashore. +She watched him, his round face was suffused with smiles; he waved his +hat once more just as he reached the stairs. He slipped once getting +up them, but he was up now, and turned to wave once before he started +down the street. + +It was not till then that Julia became aware of a small sound close at +hand; there was a good deal of noise going on, shouting, the rattling +of cranes, and the thud of shifting bales, with now and then the hoot +of a steamer and the escape of steam, and under all, the restless +lapping of the water. But through it all she now heard a much smaller +sound quite close, a regular _tick_, _tick_. She glanced at the parcel +she had forgotten, then in an instant, as a sudden idea occurred to +her, she had the paper off. Yes, it was. It was Johnny's great +old-fashioned gold watch, with the fetter chain dangling at the end. + +She stood quite still with the thing in her hand, her mouth set +straight, and her eyes growing glitteringly bright. The round gilded +face stared up at her, reminding her in some grotesque way of Johnny; +poor, generous, honest, foolish old Johnny! She looked away quickly, a +sudden desire not to go with this moon-faced companion took possession +of her--a desire not to go at all, a horrible new-born doubt about it. + +But feelings for abstract right and wrong, like personal likes and +dislikes, do not grow strongly where expediency and advisability and +advantage have to rule; she was only going to do what she must in +Holland; the debt must be paid, honour demanded no less; the blue +daffodil was the only hope of paying it. She was not going to steal a +bulb exactly; she was going to get it somehow, as a gift, perhaps, +opportunity must show how; and when it was hers, she could do with it +as she pleased, there was no wrong in that. She must go; she must do +it; the thing was so necessary as to be unavoidable, and not open to +question. She looked down, and her eye fell on the watch again; it +stared up at her in the same vacant way as Johnny had done that day +when he wanted to sell it and his other things to help them out of +their justly earned, sordid difficulties. With shame she had prevented +that, feeling the cause unworthy of the sacrifice. But this sacrifice, +for a still more unworthy cause, she was too late to prevent. Johnny +had gone. She looked earnestly to see if he was among those who +loitered about the stairs, or those in the more distant street. But +she could not see him, he was gone clean from sight; there was only +the busy, unfamiliar life of the river around; yellow, sunlit water; +the crowded craft, and the great stately wonder of the Tower Bridge +silently raising and parting its solid roadway to let some boat go, as +she would soon go down to the sea. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +THE OWNER OF THE BLUE DAFFODIL + + +Vrouw Snieder, the notary's wife, sat by her window at work on a long +strip of red crochet lace. From her place she could see all who came +up the street, and, there being a piece of looking-glass set outside, +at right angles to the pane, also most who came down it. This, though +doubtless very informing, did not help the progress of the lace; but +that was of no consequence, Mevrouw always had some red lace in +making, and it might as well be one piece as another. With her, were +her two daughters, Denah and Anna, though Anna had no business there, +being supposed just then to be preparing vegetables for dinner. She +had only come into the room to fetch keys, but a remark from her +mother brought her to the window. + +"There goes Vrouw Van Heigen's English miss," the old lady said, and +both her daughters looked at once. + +"She has been marketing, I see; she seems a good housewife." + +"She walks in the road," Denah observed critically; "It is so +conspicuous, I could not do it; besides, one might be run over." + +"The English always walk in the road," her sister answered; "they +think everything will get out of their way, and they do not at all +mind being conspicuous." + +"The English miss should mind," Denah said, "for she is not pretty; no +one looks at her to admire; besides she is poor and has to work +hard." + +"Yes, yes," her mother agreed placidly; "she is a fine worker. Vrouw +Van Heigen is full of her praises; such a cook--she has twenty new +dishes, and everything is done quickly, one cannot tell how; it is +like having a magician in the house, so she says. Ah, there is Herr +Van de Greutz's Marthe going into the apothecary's. I wonder now--" + +But her daughters were not interested in Marthe; the English girl at +the Van Heigens' interested them a great deal more. They continued to +talk about her a great deal afterwards, Denah going back with her +sister to the kitchen and the vegetables, so as to be able to do so +undisturbed. + +"I will help you with these," she said; "then we can go out." + +She sat down and took up a knife. "It is strange how much Vrouw Van +Heigen thinks of that girl," she said. "She has been there but one +month and already there is no one like her. She does not keep her in +her place very well; were she a daughter more could not be said. I +wonder how Mijnheer likes it." + +"It was Mijnheer who engaged her," Anna said. "It is not likely that +he regrets. I hear that she has written some English letters for him +since one of the clerks has been ill. My father says she can cook like +a Frenchwoman, and that is something. As for Joost, it is surely of +little importance to him, he is too quiet to say anything to her; she +talks little; she must be shy." + +Denah had nothing to say to this, although, seeing in which person her +own interest in the Van Heigens lay, she possibly found some comfort +in the assurance. After a little she remarked, "That girl has no +accomplishments; she is as old-fashioned as our Aunt Barje, a +_huisvrouw_, no more. It is strange, for the English women make fun +of us for this, and pretend that they are educated and advanced above +us; she is not, she can do nothing but speak a few languages; she +cannot sing nor play, she has read no science, she cannot draw, nor +model in wax, nor make paper flowers, nor do bead work; she could not +even crochet till I showed her how. I wonder if she has made any +progress with the pattern I gave her. Shall we go and see by and by? I +might set her right if she is in a difficulty, and we could at the +same time inquire after Mevrouw's throat; she had a weakness, I +noticed, on Tuesday." + +Anna agreed; she was a most obliging sister, and a while later they +set out together for the Van Heigens' house. They did not walk in the +wide, clean road, but were careful to keep to the path, pausing a +moment to consult before starting for the other side when it was +necessary to cross over. + +The Van Heigens' house stood on the outskirts of the town, a long way +back from the road. The bulb garden lay all round it, though +immediately in front was a lawn so soft and green that no one ever +walked on it. The house was of wood, painted white, and had a +high-pitched roof of strange, dark-coloured tiles; a canal lay on two +sides, which ought to have made it damp, but did not. + +Vrouw Van Heigen was pleased to see the girls, and received them with +an effusiveness which might have suggested that a longer time than +four days had elapsed since they last met. She kissed them on both +cheeks, and led them in by the hand; she asked particularly how they +were, and how their mother was, and how their father was, and if they +were not very tired with their walk, and would they not have +lemonade--yes, they must have lemonade. "Julia, Julia," she called, +"bring lemonade, bring glasses and the lemonade." + +Julia came from a little room which led off the sitting-room, carrying +the things required on a papier-mache tray. She wore a large, +blue-print apron, for she had been shelling shrimps when she was +called, and though she stayed to wash her hands, she did not think it +necessary to remove her apron. She had observed it to be the custom +hereabouts to wear an apron of some sort all day long, and she did not +differentiate between the grades of aprons as Denah and Anna did. She +set down the tray and shook hands ceremoniously with the sisters and +made all the proper inquiries in the properest way; she had also +observed that to be the custom of the place. Then she poured out the +lemonade and handed it round, and was afterwards sent to fetch a glass +for herself and a little round tray to set it on--every one had a +little tray for fear of spoiling the crimson plush table-cover. Julia +cannot be said to have been anxious for lemonade; Vrouw Van Heigen's +growing affection for her often found expression in drinks at odd +times, a good deal more often than she appreciated. On this occasion, +since she was doing the pouring out herself, she was able to get off +with half a glass. + +They all sat round the table and talked; Julia talked a great deal the +least, but that did not matter, the others had so much to say. She +listened, admiring the way in which one little incident--a dog running +on the tram line and being called off just in time by its +owner--served them for a quarter of an hour. What economy of ideas it +was, and how little strain to make conversation! Then came Mevrouw's +throat, the little hoarseness Denah had noticed on Tuesday. It was +nothing, the good lady declared, she had not felt it. Oh, if they +insisted on noticing it, she would own to a weakness but no more than +was usual to her when the dust was about, and truly the dust was +terrible now, she could not remember when it had been so bad so early +in June. And so on, and so on, until they somehow came round to +crochet lace, when Julia was obliged to confess that she had not made +much progress with the pattern. She exhibited a very small piece with +several mistakes in it. + +"Why," cried Denah, "I have done already almost half a metre of the +piece I began at the same time. Is it difficult for you?" + +Julia said it was, and Vrouw Van Heigen added by way of apology for +her, that she had been busy making a cool morning dress. + +"For yourself?" Anna asked. "Do you make your dresses?" + +"This is for Mevrouw," Julia answered; "but I can make my own." + +The Polkingtons had had to, and also to put an immense amount of +thought and work into it, because they were bound to get a fine effect +for a small expense, and that is not possible without a large outlay +of time and consideration. Julia did not explain this to the present +company, it would have been rather incomprehensible to them. + +Anna was at once fired with a desire to make herself a cool morning +dress, and asked a dozen questions as to how, while Denah's busy +fingers undid the faulty crochet work, and her tongue explained the +mistakes. Mevrouw did not listen much to either, but noticing the +glasses were empty, pressed the visitors in vain to have more +lemonade. They refused, and finding them quite obdurate she toddled +into the little room where Julia had been doing the shrimps, to come +back again, bearing a large bladder-covered bottle of peach-brandy. +The girls declined this very firmly, but Julia was sent for more +glasses, and soon they were all sipping the rich flavoured liqueur +without protestation. + +It was over this that they planned an expedition to the wood. No one +knew quite who suggested it; when people all talk at once it is not +easy to say who originates an idea; anyhow, it was agreed that the +weather was so dry and the trees so lovely and Mevrouw so seldom went +out. She really felt--did she not?--that she would enjoy making a +small excursion, she was so wonderfully well--for her. What did Anna +think her mother would say? Perhaps they might join together for a +drive? + +Anna thought her mother would be delighted; indeed, she often spoke of +the charms of a country excursion; Denah was called upon to +corroborate, and did so volubly. Where should they go? Half-a-dozen +different places were suggested; why not go here, or there, or to the +wood? Yes, the wood, that would be lovely. They could take their tea +out; if they were well wrapped up, of course, protected from the damp +and the wind, might it not be possible? + +So by degrees the plan was brought to the first stage. Denah and Anna +were to talk it over with their mother, and if she thought favourably +of it, then "we must see." By that time Denah had set the crochet work +quite straight, and with kisses and hand-shakings the visitors +departed. Julia went back to the little room where first she washed +the glasses that had been used, afterwards she finished the shrimps +and washed them and put them ready for supper in a china dish like a +large soap dish on three feet. When that was done, it was necessary to +lay the table for dinner and superintend the getting of that meal. + +The Van Heigens dined at four. It had taken Julia all the month she +had been with them to in any way get used to that time. Mijnheer and +the only son, Joost, came in from the office for two hours then. The +office joined the house and the great dim orderly bulb barns joined +the office, so the father and son had not far to come in whichever +place they might be. Julia and Mevrouw fetched the food from the +kitchen and cleared the table, as well as getting their own meal; but +that was nothing when you were used to it, any more than was the +curious butter and nutmeg sauce that always seemed to play a part at +dinner. + +Mijnheer had a good deal to say to Julia, principally about his +business. The letters she had written for him during the illness of +the clerk who usually did his English correspondence, had given her +some little insight into it. This she had profited by, being in the +first instance really interested, and, in the second, not slow to see +that the old man, far from resenting it, had been pleased. He talked a +good deal about his affairs now, giving her little bits of information +and explaining rather proudly his method of doing business, and his +father's and his grandfather's before him. Joost, as usual, said +little or nothing; he must have been five or six and twenty, but he +had hardly ever left the parental roof, and was usually so hard at +work that he had little time or inclination for frivolity. He had +earnest child-like blue eyes that Julia did not care to look at, any +more than she did the round yellow face of Mr. Gillat's watch. This +was rather a pity as she could not always avoid it, and certainly he +looked at her a good deal, in fact whenever he thought he was not +observed. Of course he always was observed, by her at least; that was +a foregone conclusion; the observation gave her some uneasiness. + +After dinner the father and son went to sit on the veranda, and +Mevrouw helped Julia take the dishes into the white marble kitchen and +the glasses into the little off-room. Later, Julia came to sit on the +veranda, too--it was somewhat stuffy being all closed in with glass +windows. There they drank pale tea, the pot kept simmering on a +spirit-stove, and read the foreign papers which had just come. Mevrouw +did not read, she made tea and did crochet work, a strip like Vrouw +Snieder's, only yellow instead of red. Julia, it is to be feared, did +not try to master the pattern so kindly set right by Denah; she could +not resist the breath from the outside world which the papers brought. + +At six o'clock Mijnheer and his son went back to the office, and +Julia, having washed the tea-cups, joined Mevrouw in the sitting-room. +It was never very light in that room, for the walls were covered with +a crimson flock paper and the woodwork was black; while the windows, +which looked on the canal, were always shaded till dark. They sat here +at work on the morning gown, till supper time. Mijnheer sometimes came +in an hour before supper, as early as half-past eight; Joost had +usually too much to do to come in before half-past nine. After supper, +when the things were cleared away, they had prayers; Mijnheer read a +chapter from the Bible, and they sat round the table and listened, and +afterwards he said, "Now we will pray," and they sat a while in +silence. Julia sat, too, her keen, observing eyes cast down and a +curious stillness about her. After that every one went to bed; Julia +and the maidservant had two little rooms right up in the eaves of the +house; the family slept on the floor below. Julia was glad of this, +though it was possible to imagine her room would be very hot in summer +and very cold in winter. But she was glad to be well above the +sleeping house, and to be able to look from her window across the wide +country, over the dark bulb gardens--laid out like a Chinese puzzle +with their eight-foot hedges--to the lights of the town on the one +hand, and, better still, to the dim curve of the Dunes on the other. +It is to be feared she sometimes spent a longer time at her window +than was wise, seeing the early hour at which she had to rise; but no +one was troubled by it, for she was careful to take off her shoes +first thing; the rooms were unceiled, and it was necessary to tread +lightly if one would not disturb people below. + +On the day after that of Anna and Denah's visit, Herr Van Heigen +offered to show Julia the bulb barns. It was a Saturday, and so after +dinner, the workmen having all gone home, there was no one about and +she could ascend the steep barn ladders without any suffering in her +modesty. At least that was what Mijnheer thought; Julia, her modesty +being of a very serviceable order, may have given the matter less +consideration, but she accepted the offer. + +The barns were very large and high, many of them three storeys and +each storey lofty. The light inside was dim, a sort of dun colour, and +the air very dry and full of a strange, not unpleasant smell. +Everything was as clean as clean could be; no litter, no dirt, the +floor nicely swept, the shelves that ran all round and rose, tier upon +tier, in an enormous stand that occupied the whole centre of the +place, all perfectly orderly. On the shelves the bulbs lay, every one +smooth and clean and dry, sorted according to kind and quality; +Mijnheer knew them all; he could, like a book-lover with his books, +put his hand upon any that he wished in the dark. It seemed to Julia +that there were hundreds upon hundreds of different sorts. Not only +hyacinths and tulips and such well-known ones in endless sizes and +varieties, but little roots with six and seven syllable names she had +never heard before, and big roots, too, and strange cornery roots, a +never-ending quantity. + +Mijnheer told her they were not yet all in; many were in the ground +and had still to be lifted. This she knew, for she had seen the dead +tops of some in the little enclosed squares where they grew; from her +bedroom window, too, she saw others still in bloom--a patch, the size +of a tennis-lawn squared, of scarlet ranunculous, little blood-red +rosettes, sheltered by a high close-clipped hedge. And another patch +of iris hispanica, fairy flowers of palest gold and lavender, +quivering at the top of their grey-green stalks like tropical +dragon-flies hovering over a field of growing oats. These it seemed, +and many others, would be brought in by and by, then the great barns +would be really full. Mijnheer took up a root here and there, telling +her something of the history of each; explaining how the narcissus +increased and the tulips grew; showing her hyacinth bulbs cut in +half-breadthways with all the separate severed layers distended by +reason of the growing and swelling of the seeds between. + +"Each little seed will be a bulb by and by," he said, "but not yet. +When we cut the root first, we set it in the ground and these begin to +grow and become in time as you see them now. Afterwards they grow +bigger and bigger till their parent can no longer contain them." + +"Does it take long for them to grow full size?" Julia asked. + +"It takes five years to grow the finest hyacinth bulbs," Mijnheer +answered, "but inferior ones are more quick. And when the bulb is +grown, there is one bloom--fine, magnificent, a truss of +flowers--after that it deteriorates, it is, one may say, over. Ah, but +it is magnificent while it is there! There is no flower like the +hyacinth; had I my way, I would grow nothing else, but people will not +have them now. They must have novelties. 'Give us narcissus,' they +say; 'they are so graceful'--I do not see the grace--'Or iris'--well, +some are fine, I allow, but they do not last in bloom as do hyacinths. +The mourn iris of Persia is very beautiful; we have not one flowering +yet, but we shall have by and by. I will show you then; you will think +it very handsome. When it blooms I go to it in the morning and dust +the sand from the petals. I feel that I can reverence that flower; it +is most beautiful." + +"Is it very scarce?" Julia asked. + +"Somewhat," Mijnheer answered; "but we have things that are more so, +we have many novelties so called. Ah, but we have one novelty that is +a true one, it is a wonder, it has no price, it is priceless!" He drew +a deep breath of almost awed pride. "It is the greatest rarity that +has ever been reared in Holland, a miracle, in fact--a blue daffodil!" + +Julia refrained from mentioning that she had heard of the rarity +before; she leaned against the centre stand and listened while the old +man grew eloquent, with the eloquence of the connoisseur, not the +tradesman, over his treasure. There was no need for her to say much, +only to put a question here and there, or make a sympathetic comment; +with little or no effort she learned a good deal about the wonderful +bulb. It seemed that it really had been grown in the Van Heigens' +gardens, and not imported from Asia, as Mr. Cross thought. There were +six roots by this time; not so many as had been hoped and expected, it +did not increase well, and was evidently going to be difficult to +grow. + +"Would you like to know the name which it will immortalise?" the old +man asked at last. "It is called Narcissus Triandrus Azurem Vrouw Van +Heigen." + +"You named it in honour of Mevrouw, I suppose?" Julia said. + +"I did not; Joost did." + +"Mijnheer Joost?" she repeated. + +"Yes," the father answered. "It is his, not mine; to him belongs the +honour. It is he who has produced this marvel. How? That is a secret; +perhaps even I could not tell you if I would; Nature is wonderful in +her ways; we can only help her, we cannot create. Yes, yes, it is +Joost who has done this. He seemed to you a retiring youth? Yet he is +the most envied and most honoured man of our profession. I would +sooner--there are many men in Holland who would sooner--have produced +this flower than have a thousand pounds. And he is my son--you may +well believe that I am proud." + +And Mijnheer beamed with satisfaction in his son and his blue +daffodil. But Julia leaned against the stand in the dry twilight, +saying nothing. Money, it appeared, was not then the measure of all +things; neither intrinsically, as with Mr. Alexander Cross, nor for +what it represented in comfort and position, as with her own family, +did it rank with these bulb growers. They, these people whom her +mother would have called market gardeners, tradespeople, it seemed, +loved and reverenced their work; they thought about it and for it, +were proud of it and valued distinction in it, and nothing else. The +blue daffodil was no valuable commercial asset, it was an honour and +glory, an unparalleled floral distinction--no wonder Cross could not +buy or exploit it. In a jump Julia comprehended the situation more +fully than that astute business man ever could; but at the same time +she felt a little bitter amusement--it was this, this treasured +wonder, that she thought to obtain. + +The next day, Sunday, Julia went to church with Mijnheer and Joost; +Mevrouw did not find herself well enough for church, but she insisted +that Julia should not stay at home on her account. Accordingly the +girl accompanied father and son to the Groote Kerk and listened to +the rather dull service there. For the most part she sat with her eyes +demurely cast down, though once or twice she looked round the old +barn-like place, and wondered if there were any frescoes under the +whitewash of the walls and whence came the faint, all pervading smell, +like a phantom of incense long forgotten. When service was over and +they came out into the sunny street, Mijnheer announced that he was +going to see a friend. Julia, of course, must hurry home to set the +table for the mid-day coffee drinking, and afterwards prepare for +dinner. Joost was going back, likewise, and to her it was so natural a +thing they should go together that she never thought about it. It did +not, however, seem so to him, and after walking a few paces in +embarrassment, he said-- + +"You would perhaps prefer I did not walk with you?" + +"Oh, no," she answered, in some surprise; "I shall be pleased, if you +are going the same way, that is." + +He fidgeted, becoming more embarrassed. "You are sure you do not +mind?" he said. "It is a little conspicuous for you." + +Then she understood, and looked up with twinkling eyes. "I am afraid I +am conspicuous, anyhow," she said. + +This was true enough, for her clothes, fitting like an Englishwoman's, +and put on like a Frenchwoman's (the Polkingtons all knew how to +dress), were unlike any others in sight. Her face, too, dark and thin +and keenly alert, was unlike, and her light, easy walk; and if this +was not enough it must be added that she was now walking in the road +because the pavement was so crowded. + +Joost stepped off the path to make room for her and she saw by his +face that his mind was not at ease. + +"Pray, Mijnheer," she said, in her softest tones, and her voice had +many tones as her companion had not failed to notice, though he was +not aware that the softest was also usually the most mischievous, +"will you not walk the other side of the way? Then you will not be +conspicuous at all." + +"I do not mind it," he said, blushing, and Julia decided that his +father's description of him as a retiring youth was really short of +the mark. They walked along together down the quiet, bright streets; +there were many people about, but nobody in a hurry, and all in Sunday +clothes, bent on visiting or decorous pleasure-making. Everywhere was +sunny and everything looked as if it had had its face washed; week +days in the town always looked to Julia like Sundays, and Sundays, +this Sunday in particular, looked like Easter. + +In time they came to the trees that bordered the canal; there were old +Spanish houses here, a beautiful purplish red in colour, and with +carving above the doors. Julia looked up at her favourite doorpiece--a +galleon in full sail, a veritable picture in relief, unspoiled by +three hundred years of wind and weather. + +"I think this is the most beautiful town I was ever in," she said. Her +companion looked surprised. + +"Do you like it?" he asked. "It must be quite unlike what you are used +to, all of it must be." + +"It is," she answered, "all of it, as you say--the place, the ways, +the people." + +"And you like it? You do not think it--you do not think us what you +call slow, stupid?" + +She was a little surprised, it had never occurred to her that he, any +more than the others, would think about her point of view. "No," she +answered, "I admire it all very much, it is sincere, no one appears +other than he is, or aims at being or seeming more. Your house is the +same back and front, and you, none of you have a wrong side, the +whole life is solid right through." + +Joost did not quite understand; had she not guessed that to be likely +she would hardly have spoken so frankly. "I fear I do not understand +you," he said; "it is difficult when we do not know each other's +language perfectly." + +"We know it very well," Julia answered; "as well as possible. If we +were born in the same place, in the same house, we should not +understand it better." + +He still looked puzzled; he was half afraid she was laughing at him. +"You think I am stupid?" he said, gravely. + +She denied it, and they walked on a little in silence. They were in +the quieter part of the town now and could talk undisturbed; after a +little he spoke again, musingly. + +"Often I wonder what you think of, you have such great, shining eyes, +they eat up everything; they see everything and through everything, I +think. They sweep round the room, or the persons or the place, and +gather all--may I say it?--like some fine net--to me it seems they +draw all things into your brain, and there you weave them and weave +them into thoughts." + +Julia swallowed a little exclamation, and by an effort contrived not +to appear as surprised as she was by this too discerning remark. She +was so young that she did not before know that children and child-like +folk sometimes divine by instinct the same conclusions that very +clever people arrive at by much reasoning and observation. She felt +decidedly uncomfortable at this explanation of Joost's frequent +contemplations of herself. + +"You seem to think me very clever," she said. + +"Of course," he answered simply, "you are clever." + +"No, I am not," she returned; "ask your mother; ask Denah Snieder; +they do not think me clever. What can I do, except cook? Oh, yes, and +speak a few foreign language as you can yourself? I cannot paint, or +draw, or sing; I do not understand music; why, when you play Bach, I +wish to go out of the room." + +"That is true," he admitted; "I have felt it." + +Julia bit her lip; she had never before expressed her opinion of Bach, +and she did not feel in the least gratified that he had found it out +for himself. + +"It is absurd to call me clever," she said. "I have little learning +and no accomplishments. I cannot even get on with the crochet work +Denah showed me, and I do not know how to make flowers of paper." + +"But why should one make flowers of paper?" he asked, in his serious +way. "They are not at all beautiful." + +"Denah makes them beautifully," she answered. + +The argument did not seem to carry weight, but Julia advanced no +other; she thought silence the wisest course. They had almost reached +home now; a little before they came to the gate, Joost opened the +subject of herself again. "I think sometimes you must make fun of us; +do you not sometimes in your heart laugh just a little bit?" + +"I laugh at everything sometimes," she said; "myself most of all. Do +you never laugh at yourself? I expect not; you are very serious. I +will tell you what it is like: a little goblin comes out of your head +and stands in front of you; the goblin is you, a sort of you; the +other part, the part people know, sits opposite, and the goblin laughs +at it because it sees how ridiculous the other is, how grotesque and +how futile. My goblin came out into my room last night and laughed and +laughed; you would almost have heard him if you had been there." + +They had reached the gate now, and as Joost held it open for her to +pass through, she saw that he had blushed to the ears at the lightly +spoken words--if he had been in her room last night; the impropriety +of them to him was evident. For a moment she blushed, too, then she +recovered herself and grew impatient with one so artificial--and yet +so simple, so self-conscious--and yet so unconscious, so desperately +stupid--and yet so uncomfortably clear-sighted. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +THE EXCURSION + + +The following Monday was fine and warm, and since the whole previous +week had also been fine and warm, Mevrouw thought they might venture +to make the talked-of excursion. Messages were accordingly sent to the +Snieders, and from the Snieders back again, and after a wonderful +amount of talk and arranging, everything was settled. Dinner was a +little early that day, and a little hurried, though, since the +carriage was not to come till after five o'clock, there was perhaps +not much need for that. However, it is not every day in the week one +makes an excursion, so naturally things cannot be expected to go quite +as usual when such an event occurs. + +The carriage came, Mevrouw had been waiting ten minutes, and three +times been to see why Julia was not waiting with her. At the sound of +wheels Julia came out; she had just finished washing the glasses +(which she had been told not to touch, as there was certainly no +time). She was quite ready, but Mevrouw at that moment discovered that +she had the wrong sunshade. Julia fetched the right one and carried it +out for the old lady; also an umbrella with a bow on the handle, a +mackintosh, a shawl, and a large basket. Mijnheer came from the office +with his spectacles pushed up on his forehead, and a minute later +Joost also came to say good-bye; even the maidservant came from the +kitchen to see them start. + +The carriage drew up; it was a strange-looking vehicle, in shape +something between a hearse and an ark on wheels, but with the greater +part of the sides open to the air. Vrouw Snieder and her two daughters +were already within, with their bow-trimmed umbrellas, sunshades, +mackintoshes, shawls and basket. There was necessarily a good deal of +greeting; Mijnheer and Joost shook hands with all the three ladies, +and inquired after Herr Snieder, and received polite inquiries in +return. Then Denah insisted on getting out, so that Mevrouw should be +better able to get in; also to show that she was athletic and agile, +like an English girl, and thought nothing of getting in and out of a +high carriage. Mevrouw kissed her husband and son, twice each, very +loud, called a good-bye to the servant, and got in. Julia shook hands, +said good-bye, and also got in. Denah watched her, and observed the +shape of her feet and ankles jealously. She glanced sharply at Joost, +but he was not guilty of such indecorum as even thinking about any +girl's legs, so, having said her good-bye, she got in reassured. +Finally they drove away amid wishes for a safe drive and a pleasant +excursion. + +Of course there was a little settling to do inside the carriage, the +wraps and baskets to be disposed of, and each person to be assured +that the others had enough room, and just the place they preferred to +any other. By the time that was done they stopped again at the house +of Mijnheer's head clerk; here they were to take up two children, +girls of fourteen and fifteen, who had been invited to come with the +party. The carriage was not kept waiting, the children were out before +it had fairly stopped; they were flaxenly fair girls, wearing little +blue earrings, Sunday hats, and cotton gloves of course--all the party +wore cotton gloves; it was, Julia judged, part of the excursion +outfit. + +Now they were really off, driving out beyond the outskirts of the +town; along flat roads where the wheels sank noiselessly into the soft +sand, and the horses' feet clattered on the narrow brick track in the +centre. For a time they followed the canal closely, but soon they left +it, and saw in the distance nothing but its high green banks, with the +brown sails of boats showing above, and looking as if they were a good +deal higher than the carriage road. They passed small fields, +subdivided into yet smaller patches, and all very highly cultivated. +And small black and white houses, and small black and white cows, and +black and white goats, and dogs, and even cats of the same combination +of colour. Everything was rather small, but everywhere very tidy; +nothing out of its place or wasted, and nobody hurrying or idling; all +were busy, with a small bustling business, as unlike aggressive +English idleness as it was unlike the deceptive, leisurely power of +English work. + +Denah and Anna looked out of either side of the carriage, and pointed +out things to Julia and the two little girls. Here it was what they +called a country seat, a sort of castellated variety of overgrown +chalet, surrounded by a wonderful garden of blazing flower-beds and +emerald lawns, all set round with rows and rows of plants in bright +red pots. Or there it was a cemetery, where the peaceful aspect made +Denah sentimental, and the beauty of the trees drew Anna's praise. The +two elder ladies paid less attention to what they passed; they +contented themselves with leaning back and saying how beautiful the +air was, and how refreshing the country. The girls said that as well; +they all agreed six times within the hour that it was a delightful +expedition, and they enjoying it much. + +In time they came to the wood. An unpaved road ran through it of +soft, deep sand, which deadened every sound; on either hand the trees +rose, pines and larch and beech principally, with a few large-leafed +shivering poplars here and there. There was no undergrowth, and few +bird songs, only the dim wood aisles stretching away, quiet and green. +Suddenly it seemed to Julia that the world's horizon had been +stretched, the little neatness, the clean, trim brightness, the +bustling, industrious toy world was gone; in its place was the +twilight of the trees, the silence, the repose, the haunting, +indefinable sense of home which is only to be found in these +cathedrals of Nature's making. + +"Ah, the wood!" Denah said, with a profound sigh. "The beautiful wood! +Miss Julia, do you not love it?" + +Julia did not assent, but Denah went on quite satisfied, "You cannot +love it as I do; I think I am a child of Nature, nothing would please +me more than always to live here." + +"You would have to go into the town sometimes," Julia said, "to buy +gloves; the ones you have would not last for ever." + +Denah looked a little puzzled by the difficulty; she had not +apparently thought out the details of life in a natural state; but +before she could come to any conclusion one of the little girls cried, +"Music--I hear music!" + +All the ladies said "Delicious!" together, and "How beautiful!" and +Denah, content to ignore Nature, added rapturously, "Music in the +wood! Ah, exquisite! two beauties together!" + +Julia echoed the remark, though the music was that of a piano-organ. +The horizon had drawn in again, and the prospect narrowed; the silence +was full of noises now, voices and laughter, amidst which the organ +notes did not seem out of place. And near at hand under the trees +there were tables spread and people having tea, enjoying themselves in +a simple-hearted, noisy fashion, in no way suggestive of cathedral +twilight. + +The carriage was put up, the tea ordered, and in a little they, too, +were sitting at one of the square tables. Each lady was provided with +a high wooden chair, and a little wooden box footstool. A kettle on a +hot potful of smouldering wood ashes was set on the table; cups and +saucers and goats' milk were also supplied to them, and opaque +beet-root sugar. The food they had brought in their baskets, big new +_broodje_ split in half, buttered and put together again with a +slither of Dutch cheese between. These and, to wind up with, some thin +sweet biscuits carried in a papier-mache box, and handed out singly by +Vrouw Van Heigen, who had brought them as a surprise and a treat. + +"Do they have such picnics as this in England?" Anna asked, as she +gathered up the crumbs of her biscuit. + +"I have never been to one," Julia answered, and inwardly she thought +of her mother and Violet driving in a wheeled ark to the wood, there +to sit at little wooden tables and stretch their mouths in the public +eye. + +"Ah!" said Vrouw Snieder; "then it is all the more of a pleasure and a +novelty to you." + +Julia said it was, and soon afterwards they rose from the table to +walk in the wood. The two elder ladies did not get far, and before +long came back to sit on their wooden chairs again. The girls went +some little distance, all keeping together, and being careful not to +wander out of sight and sound of the other picnic parties. Once when +they came to the extreme limit of their walk, Julia half-hesitated. +She looked into the quiet green distance. It would be easy to leave +them, to give them the slip; she could walk at double their pace with +half their exertion, she could lose herself among the trees while +they were wondering why she had gone, and making up their minds to +follow her; and, most important of all, when she came back she could +explain everything quite easily, so that they would not think it in +the least strange--an accident, a missing of the way, anything. Should +she do it--should she? The wild creature that had lived half-smothered +within her for all the twenty years of her life fluttered and stirred. +It had stirred before, rebelling against the shams of the Marbridge +life, as it rebelled against the restrictions of the present; it had +never had scope or found vent; still, for all that it was not dead; +possibly, even, it was growing stronger; it called her now to run +away. But she did not do it; advisability, the Polkingtons' patron +saint, suggested to her that one does not learn to shine in the caged +life by allowing oneself the luxury of occasional escape. + +She turned her back on the green distance. "Shall we not go back to +where the music is playing?" she said. + +They went, walking with their arms entwined as other girls were doing, +Julia between the broad, white-skinned sisters, like a rapier between +cushions. The two younger girls ran on in front. "There is Mevrouw," +they cried. "She is calling us. The carriage is ready, too; oh, do you +think it is already time to go?" + +It seemed as if it really was the case. Vrouw Snieder stood clapping +her hands and beckoning to them, and the coachman appeared impatient +to be off. With reluctance, and many times repeated regrets, they +collected their wraps and baskets, and got into the carriage. + +"Good-bye, beautiful wood, good-bye!" Denah said, leaning far out as +they started. "Oh, if one could but remain here till the moon rose!" + +"It would be very damp," her mother observed. "The dew would fall." + +To which incontestable remark Denah made no reply. + +The return journey was much like the drive there, with one exception; +they passed one object of interest they had not seen before. It was +when they were nearing the outskirts of the town that Anna exclaimed, +"An Englishman! Look, look, Miss Julia, a compatriot of yours!" + +The season was full early for tourists, and at no time did the place +attract many. Englishmen who came now probably came on business which +was unlikely to bring them out to these quiet, flat fields. But Anna +and Denah, who joined her in a much more demonstrative look-out than +Marbridge would have considered well-bred, were insistent on the +nationality. + +"He walks like an Englishman," Anna said, "as if all the world +belonged to him." + +"And looks like one," Denah added; "he has no moustache, and wears a +glass in his eye, look, Miss Julia." + +Julia looked, then drew back rather quickly. They were right, it was +an Englishman; it was of all men Rawson-Clew. + +What was he doing here? By what extraordinary chance he came to be in +this unlikely place she could not think. She was very glad that +Mevrouw felt the air chilly, and so had had the leather flaps pulled +over part of the open sides of the carriage; this and the eager +sisters screened her so well that it was unlikely he could see her. + +"Is he not an Englishman?" Anna asked. + +"Yes," she answered; "one could not mistake him for anything else." + +"I wonder if he recognised you as a country-woman," Anna speculated; +and Julia said she did not consider herself typically English in +appearance. + +The sisters talked for the rest of the way of the Englishman; of his +air and bearing, and the fact, of which they declared themselves +convinced, that he was a person of distinction. + +But it was not till the drive was over, and the party had separated, +that Denah was able to say what was burning on her tongue. They had +left the clerk's children at their house, said good-bye to Vrouw Van +Heigen and Julia, and were within their own home at last; the girls +went up to their bedroom, and Denah carefully fastened the door, then +she said mysteriously, "Miss Julia knows that Englishman." + +Anna jumped at the intelligence, and still more at the tone. "Did she +tell you?" she asked. + +"No," Denah replied with some scorn; "she would not tell any one, she +wishes it concealed; she thinks it is so, but I saw it." + +The tone and manner suggested many things, but Anna was a terribly +matter-of-fact person, to whom suggestions were nothing. "Why should +she wish it concealed?" she inquired. + +"I do not know why," Denah answered; "that remains to be seen. As for +how I know it, I saw it in her face; when she looked at him her lips +became set, and her eyes--she looked--" She hesitated for a word, and +dropped to the homely, "She looked as if she would bite with annoyance +that he should be here. The expression was gone in a moment; she spoke +with an ease and naturalness that was astonishing, even disgusting; +but it had been there. I do not trust her." + +The last was said with great seriousness, and for a little Anna was +impressed. But not for long, she could not accept such evidence as +this; in her opinion it was "fancy." + +"You read too many romances," she said; "your head is full of such +things. I do not believe Miss Julia knew the Englishman, she would not +have hidden from us her knowledge if she did; it is not so easy to +hide one's feelings in the flash of an eye, besides there was no +reason. Also"--this as an afterthought--"he was a man of good family; +you could see at a glance that he was of the aristocracy, while she is +a paid companion to Vrouw Van Heigen; she could never before have met +him." + +Denah, however, was not convinced; she only repeated darkly, "I +mistrust her." + +Julia, in the meantime, was busy with her household duties, talking +over the excursion the while with Mevrouw, and helping to detail it to +Mijnheer. At last the table was ready for supper and the coffee made. +Mevrouw sat with her crochet, and Mijnheer opposite her with his +paper. It wanted more than a quarter of an hour to supper time, Julia +had been too quick; still it did not matter, the coffee would not hurt +standing on the spirit-stove; it stood there half the day. She had all +this time to spare, but she did not fetch her crochet work; she went +outside to the veranda. + +It was almost dark by this time, as dark as it ever got on these +nights; the air was still and warm. She opened the glass door and went +out and sat down on the step. There was a smell of water in the air, +not unpleasant, but quite un-English, and mixed with it a faint smell +of flowers, the late blooming bulbs have little scent on the whole; it +was more the heavy dew than the flowers themselves which one could +smell. It was very quiet out here; the town, at no time noisy, was +some distance away--so quiet that Julia could hear the ticking of Mr. +Gillat's large watch in her belt. She pushed it further down; she did +not want to hear it. + +She propped her elbows on her knees, and her chin on her hands. She +wished she had not seen Rawson-Clew that day; she wished she was not +here, she wished there was no such thing as a blue daffodil; she was +vaguely angry and dissatisfied, but not willing to face things. It was +unlikely that the man had seen her, unlikely that she would see him +again; but he was incongruous in this simple life, and he brought +forcibly home the incongruity of herself and her errand. She had come +for the blue daffodil, it was no good pretending she had not; she told +herself angrily, as she had told herself when she had first looked at +Johnny's yellow-faced watch, that she was going to get it in some way +that was justifiable. Only it was not so easy to believe that now she +knew more about it and the Van Heigens. But she must have it, that was +the argument she fell back on, the necessity was so great that she was +justified (the Polkingtons had always found necessity a justification +for doing things that could be anyhow made to square with their +position). + +She wished she had not been for the excursion to-day, that she lived +less really in their simple, sincere life. She wished from her heart +that the Van Heigens had been different sort of people--almost any other +sort, then she would not have had these tiresome feelings--Johnny and +Johnny's watch, Joost Van Heigen--there was something about them all +that was hatefully embarrassing. No self-respecting thief robbed a +child; even the most apathetic conscience revolted at such an idea. No +gentleman worthy of the name attacked an unarmed man, the preparedness +of the parties made all the difference between murder and fair fight. Of +course, in the abstract, stealing was stealing under all conditions, and +killing killing, and both open to condemnation; but in the concrete, in +fact, the equality of the two persons made all the difference, at least +to honour. + +Julia moved uneasily and looked, without seeing, across the dark +garden. The monotonous sound of voices floated out indistinctly; the +old pair in the sitting-room were talking in the lamplight, Mevrouw +going over once again the little incidents of the day. Joost was in +the drawing-room at the other end of the house; he had been playing +some of his favourite composer; he had stopped now, and was doubtless +sorting his music and putting it away, each piece four-square and +absolutely neat. Day by day, and year by year, they lived this quiet +life, with a drive for a rare holiday treat, and the discovery of a +new flower as the goal of all hope and ambition. Things did not happen +to them, bad things that needed doubtful remedies; they had never had +to scratch for their living, and show one face outwards and another +in. They, none of them, ever wanted to do things; they had not the +courage. How much of virtue was lack of courage and a desire not to be +remarkable? + +Julia asked herself the question defiantly, and did not hear Joost +come out of the house. He was carrying a lantern, and was going to +make his nightly round of the barns. She did not hear his step, and so +started when she saw the light swing across the ground at her feet. + +He was quite as startled to see her as she was to see him, but his +greeting was a very usual question in Holland, "Will you not catch +cold?" + +She shook her head, and he asked, "What are you doing? Thinking? +Weaving in your head all that you have seen and heard to-day?" + +"No," she answered; "I was thinking about courage." + +"Courage?" he repeated, puzzled. + +"Yes, it is very different in different places; some people are afraid +to tell the truth, so they lie; and some are afraid to be dishonest, +so they are honest; I believe it depends partly on fashion." + +Joost set down the lantern in sheer surprise. "Such things cannot +depend on fashion," he said severely. + +"I am not so sure," Julia answered; "lots of things you would not +expect depend on it. I know people who sometimes go without the food +they want so that they can buy expensive cakes to show off when their +acquaintances come to tea--that's silly, isn't it? Then I know other +people who blush if a pair of breeches, or something equally +inoffensive, are mentioned; that seems equally silly. One lot of +people is ashamed to be seen eating bread-and-cheese suppers, another +lot is ashamed to be seen walking off the side-walk, and with no +gloves on. One would hardly expect in, yet I almost believe these +silly little things somehow make a difference to what the people think +right and wrong." + +Joost regarded her doubtfully, though he could only see the outline of +her face. "Are you making fun?" he asked. "I do not know when you are +making fun; I think you must be now. Are you speaking of us?" + +"I never felt less like making fun in my life," Julia answered +ignoring the last question. Something in her tone struck Joost as sad, +and he forgot his question in sympathy. + +"I am sorry," he said; "you are unhappy, and I have intruded upon you; +will you forgive me? You are thinking of your home, no doubt; you have +not had a letter from England for a long time." + +Julia wished he did not notice so many things. "I did not expect a +letter," she said; "my eldest sister was married last week, there +would be no time to write to me till everything was over; most likely +I shall hear to-morrow." + +"Is your sister married?" he asked; "and you were not able to be +present?" + +"It is too far to go home from here," Julia said; then asked, "Were +you going to the barns?" + +"Yes," he answered, suddenly reminded of the fact. Then seeing she did +not resume her seat on the steps, he ventured diffidently, "Will you +come too?" + +She assented, and they started together in silence, Joost thinking her +homesick, not knowing quite what to say. When they came to the first +of the dark buildings they went in, and he swung the lantern round so +that their shadows danced fantastically. Then he tried various doors, +and glanced up the wall-ladder to the square opening which led to the +floor above. There was no need to examine the place minutely, it was +all quiet and dark; if there had been any one about they would +certainly have heard, and if there had been anything smouldering--a +danger more to be feared, seeing that the men smoked everywhere--it +could have been smelt in the dry air. + +"I like these barns," Julia said, looking round: "they are so big and +quiet and orderly, somehow so respectable." + +"Respectable!" he repeated, as if he did not approve of the word. "Is +that what you like? The respectable?" + +"Yes, in its place; and its place is here." + +"You think us respectable?" + +"Well, are you not? I think you are the most respectable people in the +world." + +She led the way through to the next barn as she spoke. "You are going +here, too, I suppose?" she said. + +"I will just look round," he answered. + +They went on together until they came to the last barn of all; while +they paused there a moment they heard a rustling and movement in the +dark, far corner. Joost started violently, then he said, "It is a rat, +you must not be afraid; it will not run this way." + +"I am not afraid," Julia said with amusement. "Do you think I am +afraid of rats?" + +"Girls often are." + +"Well, I am not," and it was clear from her manner that she spoke the +truth. + +"Would you be afraid to come out here alone?" he asked curiously. + +"No," she said; "any night that you like I will come here alone, go +through the barns and fasten the doors." + +"I do not believe there are many girls who would do that," he said; he +was thinking of Denah and Anna. + +Julia told him there were plenty who would. As they came back, +stopping to fasten each door after them, he remarked, "I think girls +are usually brought up with too much protection; I mean girls of our +class, they are too much shielded; one has them for the house only; if +they were flowers I would call them stove-plants." + +Julia laughed. "You believe in the emancipation of women then?" she +said; "you would rather a woman could take care of herself, and not be +afraid, than be womanly?" + +"No," he answered; "I would like them to be both, as you are." + +They had come outside now; she was standing in the misty moon-light, +while he stayed to fasten the last door. + +"I?" she said; "you seem to think me a paragon--clever, brave, +womanly. Do you know what I really am? I am bad; by a long way the +wickedest person you have known." + +But he did not believe her, which was perhaps not altogether +surprising. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +DEBTOR AND CREDITOR + + +Violet Polkington was married, and, as a consequence, the financial +affairs of the family were in a state that can only be described as +wonderful. They were intricately involved, of course, and there was no +chance of their being clear again for a year at least; but, also, +there was no chance of them being found out, appearances were better +than ever. + +Mr. Frazer had been given a small living, whether by the deserved +kindness of fortune, or by reason of his own efforts, or the +Polkingtons, is not known. Anyhow he had it, and he and Violet were +married in June with all necessary _eclat_. Local papers described the +event in glowing terms, appreciative friends said it was the prettiest +wedding in years, and in due time Cherie wrote and told Julia about +it. The Captain also wrote; his point of view was rather different, +but his letter filled up gaps in Cherie's information, and Julia's own +past experience filled up the remaining gaps in both. + +The letters came on Tuesday, as Julia expected, a little before dinner +time; she was still reading them when Mijnheer and his son came in +from the office. Joost smiled sympathetically when he saw she had +them, glad on her account; and she, almost unconsciously, crumpled +together the sheets that lay on the table beside her, as if she were +afraid they would betray their contents to him. + +"You have good news from home?" said Mijnheer; "your parents are +well?" + +"Quite well, thank you," Julia answered. She had just come to the +place in her father's letter where he regretted that such very light +refreshments were the fashion at wedding receptions. "It is, of +course, as your mother says, less expensive, but at such a time who +would spare expense--if it were the fashion? I assure you I had +literally nothing to eat at the time, or afterwards; your mother +thinking it advisable as soon as we were alone, to put away the cakes +for future visitors. At such a time, when a man's feelings are nearly +touched, he needs support; I did not have it, and I cannot say that I +have felt myself since." + +Julia read to the end of the letter; Mijnheer had by this time taken +up a paper, but Joost watched her as she folded the sheets. He did not +speak, it seemed he would not intrude upon her; there was something +dog-like in this sympathy with what was not understood. She felt +vaguely uncomfortable by reason of it, and spoke to break the spell. +"Everything went off very well," she said. + +The words were for him alone, since Mijnheer was now reading, and also +knew nothing of the subject. The smile brightened on his face. "Did +it?" he answered. "I am very glad. They must have missed you much, and +thought often of you." + +Julia nodded. Cherie had said. "I must say I think it is a pity you +were not here; it is important to have some one with a head in the +background; mother and I had to be the fore, so of course we could not +do it; if you had been here several things would have gone better, and +some waste have been saved." + +This remark Julia did not communicate to Joost; she put the letter in +her pocket, and went to fetch the dinner. After dinner she was to go +on an errand for Mevrouw. It would take a long time, all the evening +in fact, for it was to an old relative who lived in a village about +three miles from the town. Walking was the only way of getting to the +place, except twice a week when a little cargo boat went down the +canal, and took some hours about it. This was neither the day nor the +time for the boat, Julia would have to walk; but, as she assured +Mevrouw, she much preferred it. Accordingly, as soon as dinner was +finished, she was given a great many messages, mostly of a condoling +nature, for the old lady was ill in bed, some strengthening soup, and +a little bottle of the peach-brandy. With these things packed in a +substantial marketing basket, she started. + +Through the town she went with that easy step and indifference to the +presence of other people that Denah so criticised, faster and faster +her spirits rising. Once or twice she looked in at the low windows +that stood open on the shady side of the street; there she saw the +heads of families smoking their after-dinner pipes, while their wives +and daughters sat crocheting and watching the passersby. There were +chairs with crimson velvet seats in most of the rooms, and funny +little cabinet, or side-board things of bright red mahogany, with +modern Delft vases, very blue indeed, upon them. And always there was +a certain snugness, perhaps even smugness, about the rooms. At least, +so it seemed to her as she looked in, almost insolently pleased to be +outside, to be free and alone. + +In time she came to the outskirts of the town, the canal lay on her +right, and on her left, flat green fields, cut up by innumerable +ditches, and set with frequent windmills, all black and white, and +mostly used for maintaining the water level. There were people busy +in the fields, but to Julia they only gave the idea of ants, and did +not intrude upon her mind in the least. It was all very quiet and +green around, and quiet and blue above, except for the larks singing +rapturously. Certainly it was very good to be away from the Van +Heigens, away from the ceaseless little reiteration of Mevrouw's talk, +from the minute, punctilious conventions, from Joost's quiet gaze, +from the proximity of the hateful, necessary blue daffodil. With a +violent rebound Julia shook off the feeling that had been growing on +her of late, and was once more possibly reckless, but certainly free, +and no longer under the spell of her surroundings. Her young blood +coursed quickly, her eyes shone, the basket she carried grew light; +she might have sung as she went had not Nature, in withholding the +ability, also kindly withheld the inclination. + +Soon after leaving the town, a side road cut into the main one; a +waggon was lumbering down it at no great pace, but just before the +branch road joined the main one the driver cracked his whip loudly, so +that his team of young horses started forward suddenly. Too suddenly +for the comprehension of some children who were playing in the road; +for a second or more they looked at the approaching waggon, then, when +the necessity dawned upon them, they ran for safety, one one way, one +another, and the third, a baby boy, like a chicken, half across the +way to the right, then, after a scurry in the middle, back again to +the left, under the horses' feet. + +Julia shouted to him, but in the excitement of the moment she spoke +English, and not Dutch, though it hardly mattered, for the little boy +was far too frightened to understand anything. It certainly would have +fared badly with him had she not followed up her cry by darting into +the road, seizing him by the shoulder, and flinging him with +considerable force against the green wayside bank. She was only just +in time; as it was, the foremost horse struck her shoulder and sent +her rolling into the dust. + +For an instant she lay there, perilously near the big grinding wheels; +an almost imperceptible space, yet somehow long enough for her to +decide quite calmly that it was impossible to scramble to her feet in +time, so she had better draw her legs up and trust to the wheels +missing her. Then suddenly the wheels stopped, and some one who had +seized the horses' heads addressed the waggoner with the English idiom +that is perhaps most widely known. + +Julia heard "damned fool" in quite unemotional English, and almost +simultaneously the guttural shrieks of two peasant women who +approached. She picked herself up, then moving two paces to the side, +stopped to put her hat straight with a calmness she did not quite +feel. There was a volley of exclamations from the peasant women, and +"Are you hurt?" the man who had stopped the horses asked her, speaking +now in Dutch, though with an English accent. + +"No," she answered, winking back the water which had come into her +eyes with the force of the blow, and she turned her back on him so +that he should not see her do it. + +"My good women," she said shortly to the peasants who, with upraised +hands and many gestures, stared at her, "there is nothing the matter, +there is no reason why you should stand there and look at me; I assure +you no one has been hurt, and no one is going to be; you had much +better go on your way, as I shall do. Good-afternoon." + +She walked a few paces down the road, not in the direction she +intended to go certainly, but she was too shaken for the moment to +notice which way she took, and was only actuated by a desire to get +away and put an end to a scene. The movement and the words were not +without effect; the two women, a good deal astonished, obeyed +automatically, and, picking up the burdens they had set down, trudged +on their way, not realising for some time how much offended they were +at the curt behaviour of the "mad English." The children by this time +had ceased staring and returned to their play; the waggoner, muttering +some surly words, drove on. Julia sat on the bank by the roadside, and +tried to brush the dust from her dress. The Englishman, after making +some parting remarks to the waggoner, this time in Dutch, though still +in the quiet, drawling voice which was much at variance with the +language, had gone to pick up the basket. She wished she had thanked +him for his timely assistance when she first scrambled to her feet, +and gone on at once, then she could have done this necessary sitting +down when he was out of sight, and come back for the stupid basket +when she remembered it. But now she would have to thank him formally, +and perhaps explain things, and say expressly that she was not hurt, +and this while she was shaken and dusty. Mercifully he was English, +and so would not expect much; she looked at his back with +satisfaction. He was scarcely as tall as many Hollanders, but very +differently built. To Julia, looking at him rather stupidly, his +proportions, like his clothes, appeared very nearly perfect after +those she had been used to seeing lately. When he turned and she saw +for the first time his face, she was not very much surprised, though +really it was surprising that Rawson-Clew should still be hereabouts. + +Their eyes met in mutual recognition. Afterwards she wondered why she +did not pretend to be Dutch, it ought to have been possible; he had +only seen her once before, and her knowledge of the language was much +better than his. And even if he had not been deceived, he would have +been bound to acquiesce to her pretence, had she persisted in it. But +she did not think of it before their mutual recognition had made it +too late. + +"I hope you are not hurt," he said, as he crossed the road with the +basket. + +"No," she answered, "thanks to you--" + +But he, evidently sharing her dislike for a fuss, was even more +anxious than she not to dwell on that, and dismissed the subject +quickly. He began to wipe the bottom of the basket, from which soup +was dripping, talking the while of the carelessness of continental +drivers and the silliness of children of all nations, perhaps to give +her time to recover. + +She agreed with him, and then repeated her thanks. + +He again set them aside. "It's nothing," he said; "I am glad to have +had the opportunity, especially since it also gives me the opportunity +of offering you some apology for an unfortunate misunderstanding which +arose when last I saw you. You must feel that it needs an apology." + +For a moment Julia's eyes showed her surprise; an apology was not what +she expected, and, to tell the truth, it did not altogether please +her. She knew that she and her father had no right to it while the +money was unpaid. + +"Please do not apologise," she said; "there is no need, I quite +understand." + +"I was labouring under a false impression," Rawson-Clew explained. + +She nodded. "I know," she said, "but it is cleared up now; no one who +spoke with my father could possibly imagine he lived by his wits." + +Which ambiguous remark may have been meant to apply to the Captain's +mental outfit more than his moral one. When Rawson-Clew knew Julia +better he came to the conclusion it probably did, at the time he +thought it wise not to answer it. + +"Here is your basket," he said; "I think it is clean now." + +She made a movement to take it, but her arm was numb and powerless +from the blow she had received; it was the right shoulder which had +been struck, and that hand was clearly useless for the time being; +with a wince of pain, she stretched out the left. + +But he drew the basket back. "You are hurt," he said. + +"No, I'm not, nothing to speak of; it only hurts me when I move that +arm; I will carry the basket with the other hand." + +"How far have you to go?" + +She told him to the village and back. + +"You had better go straight home at once," he said. + +"I can't do that," she answered. She did not explain that she did not +want to, the pain in her shoulder not being bad enough to make her +want to give up this first hour of freedom. "My shoulder does not hurt +if I do not move it," she said; "I can carry the basket with the other +hand." + +"Perhaps you will allow me to carry it for you?" he suggested; "I am +going the same way." + +"No, thank you," she returned. "Thanks very much for the offer, but +there isn't any need; I can manage quite well. I expect you will want +to go faster than I do." She spoke decidedly, and turned about +quickly; as she did so, she caught sight of the bottle of +peach-brandy in the grass. + +"Oh, there's the brandy," she exclaimed; "I mustn't go without that." + +He fetched the fortunately unbroken bottle and put it in the basket, +but he did not give it to her. + +"I will carry this," he said; "if our pace does not agree, if you +would prefer to walk more slowly, I will wait for you at the beginning +of the village." + +Julia rose to her feet, there was no choice left to her but to +acquiesce; from her heart she wished he would leave the basket and go +alone; she wished even that he would be rude to her, she felt that +then he would have been nearer her level and her father's. She +resented alike his presence and his courtesy, and she could not show +either feeling, only accept what he offered and walk by his side, just +as if no money was owed, and no letter, condescendingly cancelling the +debt, had been written. She grew hot as she thought of that carefully +worded letter, and hot when she thought of her father's relief +thereat. And here, here was the man who must have dictated the letter, +and probably paid the debt, behaving just as if such things never +existed. He was walking with her--she could not give him ten yards +start and follow him into the village--and making polite conversations +about the weather, and the road, and the quantity of soup that had +been spilled. + +She pulled herself together, and, feeling the situation to be beyond +remedy, determined to bear herself bravely, and carry it off with what +credit she could. She glanced at the more than half-empty soup can. "I +am afraid you are right," she said; "there is a great deal of it gone; +still, that is not without advantage--I shall be sent to take some +more in a day or two." + +"You wish that?" he inquired. + +"Yes," she answered, "I find the exercise beneficial; I have had too +much pudding lately." + +He looked politely surprised, and she went on to explain. + +"It is very wholesome," she said, "but a bit stodgy; I think it is too +really good to be taken in such large quantities by any one like me. +It is unbelievably good, it makes one perfectly ashamed of oneself; +and unbelievably narrow, it makes one long for bed-time." + +She broke off to smile at his more genuine surprise, and her smile, +like that of some other people of little real beauty, was one of +singular charm. + +"Did you think I meant actual pudding?" she asked. "I didn't; I meant +just the whole life here; if you knew the people well, the real middle +class ones, you would understand." + +"I think I can understand without knowing them well," he said; "I +fancy there is a good deal of pudding about; in fact, I myself am +feeling its rather oppressive influence." + +"The town is paved with it," Julia declared. "I thought so this +afternoon. I also thought, though it is Tuesday, it was just like a +spring Sunday; every day is like that." + +Rawson-Clew suggested that many people appreciated spring Sundays. + +"So do I," Julia agreed, "but in moderation; you can't do your washing +on Sunday, nor your harvesting in spring. An endless succession of +spring Sundays is very awkward when you have got--well, week-day work +to do, don't you think so?" + +He wondered a little what week-day work she had in her mind, but he +did not ask. + +"Are you living with a Dutch family?" he inquired. + +She nodded. "As companion," she said; "sort of superior general +servant." + +"Indeed? Then it must have been you I saw yesterday; I thought so at +the time; you were driving with some Dutch ladies." + +Julia was surprised that he had seen and recognised her. "We went for +an excursion yesterday," she said; "they called it a picnic." + +She told him about it, not omitting any of the points which had amused +her. Could Joost have heard her, he would have felt that his suspicion +that she sometimes laughed at them more than justified; but she did +not give a thought to Joost, and probably would not have paused if she +had. She wanted to pass the present time, and she was rather reckless +how, so long as Rawson-Clew either talked himself, or seemed +interested in what she said; also, it must be admitted, though it was +to this man, it was something of a treat to talk freely again. So she +gave him the best account she could, not only of the excursion, but of +other things too. And if it was his attention she wanted, she should +have been satisfied, for she apparently had it, at first only the +interest of courtesy, afterwards something more; it even seemed, +before the end, as if she puzzled him a little, in spite of his years +and experience. + +He found himself mentally contrasting the life at the Van Heigens', as +she described it, with that which he had imagined her to have led at +Marbridge, and, now that he talked to her, he could not find her exact +place in either. + +"You must find Dutch conventionality rather trying," he said at last. + +"I am not used to it yet," she answered; "when I am it will be no +worse than the conventionality at home." + +He felt he was wrong in one of his surmises; clearly she was not +really Bohemian. "Surely," he said, "you have not found these absurd +rules and restrictions in England?" + +"Not the same ones; we study appearances one way, and they do another; +but it comes to the same thing, so far as I am concerned. One day I +hope to be able to give it up and retire; when I do I shall wear +corduroy breeches and if I happen to be in the kitchen eating onions +when people come to see me, I shall call them in and offer them a +share." + +"Rather an uncomfortable ambition, isn't that?" he inquired. "I am +afraid you will have to wait some time for its fulfilment, especially +the corduroy. I doubt if you will achieve that this side the grave, +though you might perhaps make a provision in your will to be buried in +it." + +Julia laughed a little. "You think my family would object? They would; +but, you see, I should be retiring from them as well as from the +world, the corduroy might be part of my bulwarks." + +"I don't think you could afford it even for that; do you think women +ever can afford that kind of disregard for appearances?" + +"Plain ones can," she said; "it is the only compensation they have for +being plain; not much, certainly, seeing what they lose, but they have +it. When you can never look more than indifferent, it does not matter +how much less you look." + +"That is a rather unusual idea," he remarked; "it appears sound in +theory, but in practice--" + +"Sounder still," she answered him. + +He laughed. "I'm afraid you won't make many converts here," he said, +"where nearly every woman is plain, and according to your experience, +every one, men and women too, think a great deal of looks; at all +events, correct ones." + +"They do do that," she admitted; "they just worship propriety and the +correct, and have the greatest notion of the importance of their +neighbours' eyes. It is a perfect treat to be out alone, and not have +to regard them--this is the first time I have been out alone since I +have been here." + +"Rather hard; I thought every one had--er--time off." + +"An evening out?" she suggested. "I believe the number of evenings out +is regulated by the number of applications for the post when vacant; +cooks could get more evenings than housemaids, and nursery governesses +might naturally expect a minus number, if that were possible. There +would be lots of applications for my post, so I can't expect many +evenings; however, I have thought of a plan by which I can get out +again and again!" + +"What will you do?" he inquired. + +"I shall get Denah--she is one of the girls who went for the +excursion--to come and teach Mevrouw a new crochet pattern after +dinner of a day. It will take ages, Mevrouw learns very slowly, and +Denah will know better than to hurry matters; she admires Mijnheer +Joost, the Van Heigens' son, and she will be only too delighted to +have an excuse to come to the house." + +"And if she is there you will have a little leisure? Some one always +has to be on duty? Is that it?" + +Julia laughed softly. "If she is there," she said, "she will want me +out of the way, and I am not satisfactorily out of the way when I am +anywhere on the premises. Not that Mijnheer Joost talks to me when I +am there, or would talk to her if I were not; she just mistrusts every +unmarried female by instinct." + +"A girl's instinct in such matters is not always wrong," Rawson-Clew +observed. + +But if he thought Julia had any mischievous propensities of that sort +he was mistaken. "I should not think of interfering in such an +affair," she said; "why, it would be the most suitable thing in the +world, as suitable as it is for my handsome and able sister to marry +the ambitious and able nephew of a bishop; they are the two halves +that make one whole. Denah and Joost would live a perfectly ideal +pudding life; he with his flowers--that is his work, you know; he +cares for nothing besides, really--and she with her housekeeping. He +with a little music for relaxation, she with her neighbours and +accomplishments; it would be as neat and complete and suitable as +anything could be." + +"And that commends it to you? I should have imagined that what was +incongruous and odd pleased you better." + +"I like that too," she was obliged to admit, "though best when the +people concerned don't see the incongruity; but I don't really care +either way, whether things are incongruous or suitable, I enjoy both, +and should never interfere so long as they don't upset my concerns and +the end in view." + +He looked at her curiously; again it seemed he was at fault; she was +not merely a wayward girl in revolt against convention, saying what +she deemed daring for the sake of saying it, and in the effort to be +original. She was not posing as a Bohemian any more than she was truly +one. + +"Have you usually an end in view?" he asked. + +"Have not you?" she answered, turning on him for a moment eyes that +Joost had described as "eating up what they looked at." "Of course," +she said, looking away again, "it is quite natural, and very +possible, that you are here for no purpose, and I am here for no +purpose too; you might quite well have come to this little town for +amusement, and I have come for the money I might earn as a companion. +Or you might have drifted here by accident, as I might, without any +special reason--" She stopped as she spoke; they were fast approaching +the first house of the village now, and she held out her hand for the +basket. "I will take it," she said; "I have a very short distance to +go; thank you so much." + +"Let me carry it the rest of the way," he insisted; "I am going +through the village; we may as well go the rest of the way together, I +want you to tell me--" + +But Julia did not tell him anything, except that her way was by the +footpath which turned off to the right. "I could not think of +troubling you further," she said. "Thank you." + +She put her hand on the basket, so that he was obliged to yield it; +then, with another word of thanks, she said "good-evening," and +started by the path. + +For a moment he looked after her, annoyed and interested against his +will; of course, she meant nothing by her words about his purpose and +her own, still it gave him food for reflection about her, and the +apparent incongruity of her present surroundings. On the whole, he was +glad he had met her, partly for the entertainment she had given, and +partly for the opportunity he had had to apologise. + +An apology was due to her for the affair of last winter, he felt it; +though, at the same time, he could not hold himself much to blame in +the matter. He had gone to Marbridge to see into his young cousin's +affairs at the request of the boy's widowed mother. The affairs, as +might have been expected, were in muddle enough, and the boy himself +was incorrigibly silly and extravagant. The whole business needed tact +and patience, and in the end had not been very satisfactorily +arranged; during the process Captain Polkington's name had been +mentioned more than once; he figured, among other ways, of spending +much and getting little in return. Somehow or other Rawson-Clew had +got the impression that the Captain was--well, perhaps pretty much +what he really had come to be; and if that was not quite what his wife +had persuaded herself and half Marbridge to think him, surely no one +was to blame. The mistake made was about the Captain's wife and +daughters and position in the town; Rawson-Clew, in the first +instance, never gave them a thought; the Captain was a detached person +in his mind, and, as such, a possible danger to his cousin's loose +cash. He went to No. 27 to talk plainly to the man, not to tell him he +was a shark and an adventurer; it was the Captain himself who +translated and exaggerated thus; not even to tell him what he thought, +that he was a worthless old sponge, but to make it plain that things +would not go on as they had been doing. The girl's interruption had +been annoying, so ill-timed and out of place; she ought to have gone +at once when he suggested it; she had placed him and herself, too, in +an embarrassing position; yet, at the same time--he saw it now, though +he did not earlier--there was something quaint in the way she had both +metaphorically and actually stood between him and her miserable old +father. He had dictated the subsequent letter to the Captain more on +her account than anything else. He considered that by it he was making +her the amend honourable for the unfortunate interview of the +afternoon, as well as closing the incident. Of course, nothing real +was forfeited by the letter, for under no circumstances would the +money have been repaid; he never had any delusion about that. From +which it appears that his opinion of the Captain had not changed. + +As for his opinion of Julia, he had not one when he first saw her, +except that she had no business to be there; now, however, he felt +some little interest in her. There was very little that was +interesting in this small Dutch town; it was a refreshing change, he +admitted it to himself, to see a girl here who put her clothes on +properly; something of a change to meet one anywhere who did not at +once fall into one of the well-defined categories. + +Much in this world has to be lain at the door of opportunity, and +idleness in youth, and _ennui_ and boredom in middle ages. Rawson-Clew +was in the borderland between the two, and did not consider himself +open to the temptations of either. He was not idle, he had things to +do; and he was not bored, he had things to think about; but not enough +of either to prevent him from having a wide margin. + +When he met Julia again there was no reason for dropping the +acquaintance renewed through necessity. But also there was no +opportunity, on that occasion, for pushing it further, even if there +had been inclination, for she was not alone. + +It was on Saturday evening; she was walking down the same road, much +about the same time, but there was with her a tall, fair young man, +with a long face and loose limbs. He carried, of course, an +umbrella--that was part of his full dress--and the basket--he walked +between her and the cart track. She bowed sedately to Rawson-Clew, and +the young man, becoming tardily aware of it, took off his hat, rather +late, and with a sweeping foreign flourish. She wore a pair of cotton +gloves, and lifted her dress a few inches, and glanced shyly up at her +escort now and then as he talked. They were speaking Dutch, and she +was behaving Dutch, as plain and demure a person as it was possible to +imagine, until she looked back, then Rawson-Clew saw a very devil of +mockery and mischief flash up in her eyes. Only for a second; the +expression was gone before her head was turned again, and that was +decorously soon. But it had been there; it was like the momentary +parting of the clouds on a grey day; it illumined her whole face--her +mind, too, perhaps--as the eerie, tricky gleam, which is gone before a +man knows it, lights up the level landscape, and transforms it to +something new and strange. + +Rawson-Clew walked on ahead of the pair; he had to outpace them, since +he was bound the same way, and could not walk with them. He was not +sure that he was not rather sorry for Denah, the Dutch girl; one who +can laugh at herself as well as another, and all alone, too, is he +thought, rather apt to enjoy the incongruous more than the suitable. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +HOW JULIA DID NOT GET THE BLUE DAFFODIL + + +Vrouw Van Heigen was learning a new crochet pattern; one did it in +thread of a Sevres blue shade; when several long strips were made, one +sewed them together with pieces of black satin between each two, and +there was an antimacassar of severe but rich beauty. Denah explained +all this as she set Mevrouw to work on the pattern; it was very +intricate, quite exciting, because it was so difficult; the more +excited the old lady became the more mistakes she made, but it did not +matter; Denah was patience itself, and did not seem to mind how much +time she gave. She came every day after dinner (that is to say, about +six o'clock), and when she came it was frequently found necessary that +Julia should go to inquire after the invalid cousin. Denah thought +herself the deepest and most diplomatic young woman in Holland; she +even found it in her heart to pity Julia, the poor companion, who she +used as a pawn in her romance. The which, since it was transparently +obvious to the pawn, gave her vast, though private, delight. + +So Julia went almost daily down the long flat road to the village, and +very often Rawson-Clew had to go that way too; and when he did, his +time of going being of necessity much the same time as hers, he was +almost bound to walk with her. There was but one way to the place; +they must either walk together in the middle of the road, or else +separately, one side of it; and seeing that they were of the same +nationality, in a foreign land, and had some previous acquaintance, it +would have been nothing short of absurd to have done the latter. So as +often as they met they walked together and talked of many things, and +in the course of time Rawson-Clew came to find Julia's company a good +deal more entertaining than his own; although she had read nothing she +ought to have read, seen nothing she ought to have seen, and +occasionally both thought and said things she certainly ought not, and +was not even conventionally unconventional. + +They usually parted at the footpath, which shortened her way a little, +Rawson-Clew giving her the basket there, and going down the road +alone; in consequence of this it was some time before she knew for +certain where it was he went, although she had early guessed. But one +damp evening she departed from her usual custom. It had been raining +heavily all day, and although it had cleared now, a thick mist lay +over the wet fields. + +"I shall have to go round by the road," she said, as she looked at the +track. + +Rawson-Clew agreed with her. "I am rather surprised that you came out +at all this evening," he remarked. "I should have thought your careful +friends would have been afraid of colds and wet feet." + +"Vrouw Van Heigen was," Julia answered, "but Denah and I were not. It +is the last opportunity we shall have for a little while; Joost goes +to Germany on business to-morrow." + +Rawson-Clew laughed. "Which means, I suppose," he said, "that she will +neglect the crochet work, and you will have to superintend it? Not +very congenial to you, is it?" + +"Good discipline," she told him. + +"And for that reason to be welcomed? Really you deserve to succeed in +whatever it is you are attempting; you do not neglect details." + +"Details are often important," she said; "stopping at home and doing +crochet work while Joost is in Germany, for instance, may help me a +good deal." + +The tone struck Rawson-Clew as implying more than the words said, but +he did not ask for an interpretation, and before long she had put a +question to him. They were nearing a large house that stood far back +from the road on the left hand side. It was a big block of a place, +greyish-white in colour, and with more than half of its windows +bricked up, indescribably gloomy. A long, straight piece of water lay +before it, stretching almost from the walls to the road, from which it +was separated by a low fence. Tall, thick trees grew in a close row on +either side, narrowing the prospect; a path ran up beside them on the +one hand, the only way to the house, but in the steamy mist which lay +thick over everything this evening one could hardly see it, and it +looked as if the place were unapproachable from the front. + +Julia glanced curiously towards the house; it was the only one of any +size or possible interest in the village; the only one, she had +decided some time ago, that Rawson-Clew could have any reason to +visit. + +As they approached the gate she ventured, "You go here, do you not?" + +"Yes," he answered; "to Herr Van de Greutz." + +"The cousin tells me he is a great chemist," Julia said. + +"He is," Rawson-Clew agreed, "and one much absorbed in his work; it is +impossible to see him even on business except in the evening." + +He paused by the gate as he spoke. "You have not much further to go, +have you?" he said. "Will you excuse me carrying your basket further? +I am afraid I am rather behind my time." + +Julia took the basket, assuring him she had no distance to carry it, +but her eyes as she said it twinkled with amusement; it was not really +late, and she knew it. + +"You are afraid of what will be said next," she thought as she looked +back at the man, who was already vanishing among the mists by the +lake. And the thought pleased her somewhat, for it suggested that +Rawson-Clew had a respect for her acumen, and also that her private +fancy--that the business which brought him here was not of a kind for +public discussion--was correct. + +The cousin was better that evening; she even expressed hopes of living +through the summer, a thing she had not done for more than three days. +Julia cheered and encouraged her in this belief (which, indeed, there +was every reason to think well founded) and gave her the messages and +dainties she had brought. After that they talked of the weather, which +was bad; and the neighbours, who, on the whole, were good. Julia knew +most of them by name by this time--the kind old Padre and his wife; +the captain of the little cargo-boat, who drank a little, and his +generous wife, who talked a great deal; the fat woman who kept fowls, +and the thin one who sometimes stole the eggs. Julia had heard all +about them before, but she heard over again, and a little about the +great chemist, Herr Van de Greutz, too. + +This great man was naturally only a name to the invalid and her +friends, but they had always plenty to say about him. He was so +distinguished that all the village felt proud to have him live on +their borders, and so disagreeable that they were decidedly in awe of +him. Of his domestic arrangements there was always talk; he lived in +his great gloomy house with an old housekeeper, whom Julia knew by +sight, and a young cook, whom she did not; the former was a +permanency, the latter very much the reverse, it being difficult to +find a cook equal to his demands who would for any length of time +endure the shortness of the housekeeper's temper, and the worse one of +her master. The domestic affairs of the chemist were a favourite +subject of gossip, but sometimes his attainments came in for mention +too; they did to-night, the cousin being in a garrulous mood. +According to her, the great man had done everything in science worth +mentioning, and was not only the first chemist in Holland, but in all +the world; he looked down on all others, she said, regarding two +Germans only as anything approaching his peers, all the English and +French being nothing to him. He had discovered a great many things, +dyes, poisons, and explosives; of the last he had recently perfected +one which was twenty-two times stronger than anything before known. +Its nature was, of course, a secret, but it would eventually raise the +little army of Holland far above those of all other nations. + +Julia listened, but especially to the last piece of information, which +struck her as being the one most likely to prove interesting. Soon +after hearing it, however, she was obliged to go. She made her +farewells, and received messages of affection for Mevrouw, condolence +for Mijnheer--who had a cold--and good wishes for Joost's journey. +Then she started homewards, with a light basket and a busy mind. + +It did not take her very long to decide that if there was any truth in +this talk of Van de Greutz's achievements, it must be the last +mentioned--the explosive--which brought Rawson-Clew here. Her judgment +of men, for working purposes at least, was quick and fairly accurate, +necessity and experience had helped Nature to make it so. There were +one or two things in connection with Rawson-Clew which were very clear +to her, he was not a scientist pure and simple; she had never met one, +but she knew he was not one, and so was not likely to be interested in +the great chemist for chemistry only. Nor was he a commercial man; +neither his instincts nor his abilities lay in that direction; it was +not a new process, not a trade secret which brought him here. Indeed, +even though he might appreciate the value of such things, he would +never dream of trying to possess himself of them. + +Julia understood perfectly the scale in which such acts stood to men +like Rawson-Clew. To attempt to master a man's discovery for one's own +ends (as in a way she was doing) was impossible, rank dishonesty, +never even contemplated; to do it for business purposes--well, he +might admit it was sometimes necessary in business--commerce had its +morality as law, and the army had theirs--but it was not a thing he +would ever do himself, he would not feel it exactly honourable. But to +attempt to gain a secret for national use was quite another thing, not +only justifiable but right, more especially if, as was probably the +case, the attempt was in fulfilment of a direct order. If after Herr +Van de Greutz had a secret worth anything to England, it was that +which had brought Rawson-Clew to the little town. She was as sure of +it as she was that it was the blue daffodil which had brought her. + +The hateful blue daffodil! Daily, to possess it grew more imperative. +The intercourse with this man, the curious seeming equality that was +being established between them, cried aloud for the paying of the +debt, and the establishing of the reality of equality. She longed +almost passionately to be able to regard herself, to know that the man +had reason to regard her, as his equal. And yet to possess the thing +seemed daily more difficult; more and more plainly did she see that +bribery, persuasion, cajolery were alike useless. The precious bulb +could be got in one way, and one only; it would never fall into her +hands by skilful accident, or nicely stimulated generosity; she must +take it, or she must do without it. She must get it for herself as +deliberately as, in all probability, Rawson-Clew meant to get Herr Van +de Greutz's secret. + +She raised her head and looked at the flat, wet landscape with +unseeing eyes that were contemptuous. How different two not dissimilar +acts could be made to look! If she took the daffodil--and she would +have unique opportunity to try during the next two days--Rawson-Clew +would regard her as little better than a common thief; that is, if he +happened to know about it. She winced a little as she thought of the +faint expression of surprise the knowledge would call up in his +impassive face and cold grey eyes. She could well imagine the slight +difference in his manner to her afterwards, scarcely noticeable to the +casual observer, impossible to be overlooked by her. She told herself +she did not care what he thought; but she did. Pride was grasping at a +desired, but impossible, equality with this man, and here, were the +means used only known, was the nearest way to lose it. At times he had +forgotten the gap of age and circumstances between them--really +forgotten it, she knew, not only ignored it in his well-bred way. He +had for a moment really regarded her as an equal; not, perhaps, as he +might the women of his class, rather the men of like experience and +attainments with himself. That was not what she wanted, but she +recognised plainly that in grasping at a shadowy social feminine +equality by paying the debt, she might well lose this small substance +of masculine equality, for there is no gulf so unbridgeable between +man and man as a different standard of honour. + +But after all, she asked herself, what did it matter? He need not +know; she would pay, fulfilling her word, and proving her father an +honest man (which he was not); the debtor could not know how it was +done. And if he did, what then? If she told him herself--he would know +no other way--she would do it deliberately with the set purpose of +tarring him with the same brush; she would show him how his attempt on +Herr Van de Greutz might also be made to look. He would not be +convinced, of course, but at bottom the two things were so related +that it would be surprising if she did not get a few shafts home. He +would not show the wounds then, but they would be there; they would +rankle; there would be some humiliation for him, too. A curious light +crept into her eyes at the thought; she was surer of being able to +reduce him than of exalting herself, and it is good, when +circumstances prevent one from mounting, to drag a superior to the +level of one's humiliation. For a moment she understood something of +the feelings of the brute mob that throws mud. + +By this time she had reached the town, though almost without knowing +it; so deep was she in her thoughts that she did not see Joost coming +towards her. He had been to escort Denah, who had thoughtfully +forgotten to provide herself with a cloak; he was now coming back, +carrying the wrap his mother had lent her. + +Julia started when she became aware of him just in front of her. She +was not pleased to see him; she had no room for him in her mind just +then; he seemed incongruous and out of place. She even looked at him a +little suspiciously, as if she were afraid the fermenting thoughts in +her brain might make themselves felt by him. + +He turned and walked beside her. "I have been to take home Miss +Denah," he explained. "I saw you a long way off, and thought perhaps I +might escort you; but you are angry; I am sorry." + +Julia could not forbear smiling at him. "I am not angry," she said, as +she would to a child; "I was only thinking." + +"Of something unpleasant, then, that makes you angry?" + +"No; of something that must have been enjoyable. I was thinking how, +in the French Revolution, the women of the people must have enjoyed +throwing mud at the women of the aristocrats; how they must have liked +scratching the paint and the skin from their faces, and tearing their +hair down, and their clothes off." + +Joost stared in amazement. "Do you call that not unpleasant?" he said. +"It is the most grievous, the most pitiable thing in all the world." + +"For the aristocrats, yes," Julia agreed; "but for the others? Can you +not imagine how they must have revelled in it?" + +Joost could not; he could not imagine anything violent or terrible, +and Julia went on to ask him another question, which, however, she +answered herself. + +"Do you know why the women of the people did it? It was not only because +the others had food and they had not; I think it was more because the +aristocrats had a thousand other things that they had not, and could +never have--feelings, instincts, pleasures, traditions--which they could +not have had or enjoyed even if they had been put in palaces and dressed +like queens. It was the fact that they could never, never rise to them, +that helped to make them so furious to pull all down." + +There was a sincerity of conviction in her tone, but Joost only said, +"You cannot enjoy to think of such things; it is horrible and +pitiable to remember that human creatures became so like beasts." + +Julia's mood altered. "Pitiable, yes; perhaps you are right. After +all, we are pitiful creatures, and, under the thin veneer, like enough +to the beasts." Then she changed the subject abruptly, and began to +talk of his flowers. + +But he was not satisfied with the change; instinctively he felt she +was talking to his level. "Why do you always speak to me of bulbs and +plants?" he said. "Do you think I am interested in nothing else?" + +"No," she said; "I speak of them because I am interested. Do you not +believe me? It is quite true; you yourself have said that I should +make a good florist; already I have learnt a great deal, although I +have not been here long, and knew nothing before I came." + +"That is so," he admitted; "you are very clever. Nevertheless, I do +not think, if you were alone now, you would be thinking of plants. You +were not when I met you; it was the Revolution, or, perhaps, human +nature--you called it the Revolution in a parable, as you often do +when you speak your thoughts." + +"Why do you trouble about my thoughts?" Julia said, impatiently. "How +do you know what I think?" + +"Perhaps I don't," he answered; "only sometimes it seems to me your +voice tells me though your words do not." + +"My voice?" + +"Yes; it is full of notes like a violin, and speaks more than words. I +suppose all voices have many notes really, but people do not often use +them; they use only a few. You use many; that is why I like to listen +to you when you talk to my parents, or any one. It is like a master +playing on an instrument; you make simple words mean much, more than I +understand sometimes; you can caress and you can laugh with your +voice; I have heard you do it when I have not been able to understand +what you caress, or at what you laugh, any more than an ignorant +person can understand what the violin says, although he may enjoy to +hear it. To-night you do not caress or laugh; there is something black +in your thoughts." + +"That is human nature, as you say," Julia said shortly, ignoring the +comment on her voice. "Human nature is a hateful, ugly thing; there is +no use in thinking about it." + +"It has certainly fallen," Joost allowed; "but I have sometimes +thought perhaps, if it were not so, it would be a little--a very +little--monotonous." + +"You would not find it dull," Julia told him. "I believe you would not +have got on very well in the Garden of Eden, except that, since all +the herbs grew after their own kind, there would be no opportunity to +hybridise them." + +But the mystery of production and generation, even in the vegetable +world, was not a subject that modesty permitted Joost to discuss with +a girl. His manner showed it, to her impatient annoyance, as he +hastily introduced another aspect of man's first estate. "If we were +not fallen," he added, "we should have no opportunity to rise. That, +indeed, would be a loss; is it not the struggle which makes the grand +and fine characters which we admire?" + +"I don't admire them," Julia returned; "I admire the people who are +born good, because they are a miracle." + +He stopped to unfasten the gate; it did not occur to him that she was +thinking of himself. + +"I cannot agree with you," he said, as they went up the drive +together. "Rather, I admire those who have fought temptation, who are +strong, who know and understand and have conquered; they inspire me to +try and follow. What inspiration is there in the other? Consider Miss +Denah, for an example; she has perhaps never wanted to do more wrong +than to take her mother's prunes, but is there inspiration in her? She +is as soft and as kind as a feather pillow, and as inspiring. But +you--you told me once you were bad; I did not believe you; I did not +understand, but now I know your meaning. You have it in your power to +be bad or to be good; you know which is which, for you have seen +badness, and know it as men who live see it. You have fought with it +and conquered; you have struggled, you do struggle, you have strength +in you. That is why you are like a lantern that is sometimes bright +and sometimes dim, but always a beacon." + +"I am nothing of the sort," Julia said sharply. They were in the dense +shadow of the trees, so he could not see her face, but her voice +sounded strange to him. "You do not know what you are talking about," +she said; "hardly in my life have I asked myself if a thing is right +or wrong--do you understand me? Right and wrong are not things I think +about." + +"It is quite likely," he said, serenely; "different persons have +different names for the same things, as you have once said; one calls +it 'honourable' and 'dishonourable,' and another 'right' and 'wrong,' +and another 'wise' and 'unwise.' But it is always the same thing; it +means to choose the more difficult path that leads to the greater end, +and leave the other way to the lesser and smaller souls." + +Julia caught her breath with a little gasping choke. Joost turned and +looked at her, puzzled at last; but though they had now reached the +house, and the lamplight shone on her, he could make out nothing; she +brushed past him and went in quickly. + +The next day Joost started for Germany. It rained more or less all +day, and Julia did not go out, except for half-an-hour during the +morning, when she was obliged to go marketing. She met Denah bound on +the same errand, and heard from her, what she knew already, that she +would not be able to come and superintend the crochet that day. And +being in a black and reckless mood, she had the effrontery to laugh a +silent, comprehending little laugh in the face of the Dutch girl's +elaborate explanations. Denah was a good deal annoyed, and, though her +self-esteem did not allow her to realise the full meaning of the +offence, she did not forget it. + +Julia went home with her purchases, and spent the rest of the day in +the usual small occupations. It was an interminably long day she +found. She contrived to hide her feelings, however, and behaved +beautifully, giving the suitable attention and suitable answers to all +Mevrouw's little remarks about the weather, and Joost's wet journey +(though, since he was in the train, Julia could not see that the wet +mattered to him), and about Mijnheer's cold, which was very bad +indeed. + +The day wore on. Julia missed Joost's presence at meals; they were not +in the habit of talking much to each other at such times, it is true, +but she always knew when she talked to his parents that he was +listening, and putting another and fuller interpretation on her words. +That was stimulating and pleasant too; it was a new form of +intercourse, and she did not pretend she did not enjoy it for itself, +as well as for the opportunity it gave her of probing his mind and +trying different ideas on him. + +At last dinner was over, and tea; the tea things were washed, and the +long-neglected fancy work brought out. A clock in the passage struck +the hour when, of late, after an exhilirating verbal skirmish with the +anxious Denah, she had set out for the village and Rawson-Clew. + +She did not pretend to herself that she did not enjoy that too, she +did immensely; there was a breath from the outside world in it; there +was sometimes the inspiring clash of wits, of steel on steel, always +the charm of educated intercourse and quick comprehension. To-night +there was nothing; no exercise to stir the blood, no solitude to +stimulate the imagination, no effort of talk or understanding to rouse +the mind. Nothing but to sit at work, giving one-eighth of attention +to talk with Mevrouw--more was not needed, and the rest to the blue +daffodils that lay securely locked up in a place only too well known. + +Evening darkened, grey and dripping, to-night, supper-getting time +came, and the hour for locking up the barns. Mijnheer, snuffling and +wheezing a good deal, put on a coat, a mackintosh, a comforter, a pair +of boots and a pair of galoshes; took an umbrella, the lantern, a +great bunch of keys, and went out. Julia watched him go, and said +nothing; she had been the rounds a good many times with Joost now; the +family had talked about it more than once, and about her bravery with +regard to rats and robbers. Neither of the old people would have been +surprised if she had volunteered to go in place of Mijnheer, even if +his cold had not offered a reason for such a thing. But she did not do +it; he went alone, and the blue daffodil bulbs lay snug in their +locked place. + +The next day it still rained, but a good deal harder. There was a +sudden drop in the temperature, too, such as one often finds in an +English summer. The Van Heigens did not have a fire on that account, +their stoves always kept a four months' sabbath; the advent of a +snow-storm in July would not have been allowed to break it. Mijnheer's +cold was decidedly worse; towards evening it grew very bad. He came in +early from the office, and sat and shivered in the sitting-room with +Julia and his wife, who was continuing the crochet unaided, and so +laying up much future work for Denah. At last it was considered dark +enough for the lamp to be lighted. Julia got up and lit it, and drew +the blind, shutting out the grey sheet of the canal and the slanting +rain. + +"Dear me," Mevrouw said once again, "how bad the rain must be for +Joost!" + +Julia agreed, but reminded her--also once again--that it was possibly +not raining in Germany. + +Mijnheer looked up from his paper to remark that the weather was very +bad for the crops. + +"It is bad for every one," his wife rejoined; "but worse of all for +you. You should be in bed. Indeed, it is not fit that you should be +up; the house is like a cellar this evening." + +Mijnheer did not suggest the remedy of a fire; he, too, shared the +belief that stoves should not be lighted before the appointed time; he +only protested at the idea of bed. "Pooh!" he said. "Make myself an +invalid with Joost away! Will you go and nurse my nose, and put +plasters on my chest? Go to bed now, do you say? No, no, my dear, I +will sit here; I am comfortable enough; I read my paper, I smoke my +cigar; by and by, I go out to see that my barns are all safe for the +night." + +But at this Mevrouw gave an exclamation; the idea of his going out in +such weather was terrible, she said, and she said it a good many +times. + +Julia bent over her work; she heard the swish of the rain on the +window, the uneven sob of the fitful wind; she heard the old people +talk, the husband persist, the wife protest. She did not look up; her +eyes were fixed on her needle, but she hardly saw it; more plainly she +saw the dark barns, the crowded shelves, the place where the blue +daffodils were. She could find them with perfect ease; could choose +one in the dark as easily as Mijnheer himself; she could substitute +for it another, one of the common sort of the same shape and size; no +one would be the wiser; even when it bloomed, with the simple yellow +flower that has beautified spring woods so long, no one would know it +was not a sport of nature, a throw back to the original parent. It was +the simplest thing in all the world; the safest. Not that that +recommended it; she would rather it had been difficult or dangerous, +it would have savoured more of a fair fight and less of trickery. +Besides, such safety was nothing; anything can be made safe with care +and forethought. + +She caught her own name in the talk now; husband and wife were +speaking lower, evidently arguing as to the propriety of asking her to +go the rounds; for a moment she pretended not to hear, then she raised +her head, contempt for her own weakness in her mind. It is not +opportunity that makes thieves of thinking folk, and she knew it; +rather it is the thief that makes opportunity, if he is up to his +work. Why should she be afraid to go to the barns? She would not take +the daffodil the more for going; if she meant to do it, and, through +cowardice, let this opportunity slip, she would soon find another. And +if she did not mean to, the proximity of the thing would not make her +take it. + +She put down her work. "I will lock up for you, Mijnheer; give me the +keys." + +He protested, and his wife protested, much more feebly, and thanked +her for going the while. They gave her many directions, and told her +she must put on this, that, and the other, and must be careful not to +get her feet wet, and really need not to be too particular in +examining all the doors. She answered them with impatient politeness, +as one does who is waiting for the advent of a greater matter; she +was not irritated by the trivial interruptions which came between her +and the decision which was yet to be made; it was somehow so great to +her that it seemed as if it could wait. At last she was off, +Mijnheer's galoshes wallowing about her feet, his black-caped +mackintosh thrown round her shoulders. She had neither hat nor +umbrella. Mevrouw literally wailed when she started; but it made no +impression, she came of the nation most indifferent to getting wet, +and most-susceptible to death by consumption of any in Europe. + +She slopped along in the great galoshes, her back to the lighted house +now, her face to the dark barns. There they were, easily accessible, +waiting for her. Was she to take one, or was she not? She did not give +herself any excuse for taking it, or tell herself that one out of six +was not much; or that Joost, could he know the case, would not have +grudged her one of his precious bulbs. There was only one thing she +admitted--it was there, and her need for it was great. With it she +could pay a debt that was due, show her father an honourable man, and, +seeing that the affair could always remain secret, raise herself +nearer to Rawson-Clew's level. Without it she could not. + +She had come to the first barn now, and, unbarring the door, went in. +Almost oppressive came the dry smell of the bulbs to her; very +familiar, too, as familiar as the distorted shadows that her lantern +made. Together they brought vividly to her mind the first time she +went the rounds with Joost--the night when she told him she was bad, +the worst person he knew. Poor Joost, he had interpreted her words his +own way; she remembered very plainly what he said but two nights +ago--right and wrong, honourable and dishonourable, wise and unwise, +they meant the same thing to different people, the choosing of the +higher, the leaving of the lower--and he believed no less of her. That +belief, surely, was a thing that fought on the side of the angels? And +then there was that other man, able, well-bred, intellectual, her +superior, who had treated her as an equal, and so tacitly demanded +that she should conform to his code of honour. And there was Johnny +Gillat, poor, old round-faced Johnny, who, under his silly, shabby +exterior, had somewhere, quite understood, the same code, and standard +of a gentleman, and never doubted but that she had it too--surely +these two, also, were on the side of the angels? + +But it was not a matter of angels, neither was it a matter of this +man's thought, or that. At bottom, it seemed all questions could be +brought to plain terms--What do I think? I, alone in the big, black, +contradictory world. Julia realised it, and asked herself what it +mattered if he, if they, if all the world called it wrong? +What--pitiless, logical question--was wrong? Why should to take in one +case be so called, and in another not? By whose word, and by what law +was a thing thus, and why was she to submit to it? + +She faced the darkness, the lantern at her feet, her back against the +shelves, and asked herself the world-old question; and, like many +before her, found no answer, because logic, merciless solvent of faith +and hope and law, never answers its own riddles. Only, as she stood +there, there rose up before her mind's eye the face of Joost, with its +simple gravity, its earnest, trusting blue eyes. She saw it, and she +saw the humble dignity with which he had shown her his six bulbs. Not +as a proud possessor shows a treasure, rather as an adept shares some +secret of his faith or art; so had he placed them in her power, given +her a chance to so use this trust. She almost groaned aloud as she +recalled him, and recalled, sorely against her will, a horrible tale +she had once read, of a Brahmin who murdered a little child for her +worthless silver anklets. Joost was a veritable child to her, +powerless before her ability, trusting in her good faith, a child +indeed, even if he had not placed his secret in her grasp. And it was +he--this child--that she, with her superior strength, was going to +rob! + +She shivered. Why was he not Rawson-Clew? Why could not he take better +care of himself and his possessions? She could have done it with a +light heart then; there would have been a semblance of fight in it; +but now--now it could not be done. Logic, the pitiless solvent, has no +action on those old long-transmitted instincts; it may argue with, but +it cannot destroy, those vague yearnings of the natural man towards +righteousness. Julia did not argue, she only obeyed; she did not know +why. + +She picked up the lantern, and moved to go; as she did so, the barn +door, lightly fastened, blew open. A rush of rain and wind swept in, +the smell of the wet earth, and the sight of the tossing trees, and +massed clouds that fled across the sky. For a moment she stood and +looked, hearing the wild night voices, the sob of the wet wind, the +rustle and mutter of the trees--those primitive inarticulate things +that do not lie. And in her heart she felt very weary of shams and +pretences, very hungry for the rest of reality and truth. She turned +away, and made the round of the barns systematically, and without +haste; she did not hurry past the resting-place of the blue daffodils, +they were safe from her now and always. + +It was not till some weeks later that she saw, and not then without +also seeing it was quite impossible to disprove the proposition, that +there was something grimly absurd in the idea which had possessed her +that night--the thought of stealing to prove a lie, and acting +dishonourably to pay a debt of honour. At the time she did not think +at all, she acted on instinct only. Thank God for those dumb +instincts, making for righteousness, which, in spite of theologians, +are implanted somewhere in the heart of man. + +So she went the rounds, fastened the barns, and came out of the last +one, locking the door after her. Outside, she stood a second, the rain +falling upon her bare head, the wind blowing her cloak about her. And +she did not feel triumphant or victorious, nor reluctant and +contemptuous of her weakness; only somehow apart and alone, and very, +very tired. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +POOFERCHJES AND JEALOUSY + + +The Polkingtons were launching out; not ostentatiously with expensive +entertainments or anything striking, but in all small ways, scarcely +noticeable except in general effect, but none the less expensive. They +could not afford it; the past nine months had been very difficult, +first the Captain's unfortunate misuse of the cheque, then Violet's +engagement and the necessary entertainment that it involved, and then +her wedding. Financially they were in a very bad way, but that did not +prevent them spending--or owing--in a rather lordly fashion. Mrs. +Polkington with one daughter married, and another safely out of the +way, seemed determined to take the field well with the remaining one. +Cherie was quite ready to second the effort, indeed, she was the +instigator; she was not only the prettiest of the sisters, but also +the most ease loving, and though ambitious, less clever than the +others, and a great deal more short-sighted. She had for some time +ceased to be content with the position at Marbridge and the society +there; she wanted to be recognised by the "county." This desire had +been growing of late, for there had been a very eligible and +attractive bachelor addition to that charmed circle, and he had more +than once looked admiration her way. She and her mother went to work +well and spared neither time nor trouble; not much result could be +expected during the summer months, little done then except get +ready--an expensive proceeding. It was when September brought people +home for the partridge shooting and October's pheasants kept them +there till hunting began, that they expected their success and the +return for their outlay, and they were quite content to wait for it. + +Their plans and doings were naturally not confided to any one, not +even Julia; she heard seldom from Marbridge; the family feelings were +of a somewhat utilitarian order, based largely on mutual benefit. She +wrote now and then; she happened to do so on the day after the one on +which she did not take the blue daffodil; and she mentioned in this +letter that it was possible she should be home again soon. Seeing that +she had decided the daffodil was unobtainable she saw little reason +for staying longer; this of course she did not mention when she wrote. +Somewhat to her surprise she got an almost immediate reply to her +letter. + +It would not suit Mrs. Polkington and Cherie to have Julia back soon +at all; it is always easier to swim socially with one daughter than +two, especially if the second is not good-looking. Also, Julia, +cautious, long-headed and capable, was certain to criticise their +proceedings and do her best to interfere with them. She would be wrong +in her judgments, of course, and they right; they were sure of that, +but they did not want the trouble of attempting to convert her, and +anyhow, they felt they could do much better without her, and Mrs. +Polkington wrote and intimated as much politely. She gave several +excellent reasons, all of which were perfectly transparent to Julia, +though that did not matter, seeing that she was sufficiently hurt in +her feelings, or her pride, to at once determine to fulfil her +mother's wishes and do anything rather than go where she was not +wanted. + +There was not much said of the plans and doings in Mrs. Polkington's +letter, but a little crept in almost without the writer's knowledge, +enough to rouse Julia's suspicions. Why, she asked herself, was her +mother suddenly enamoured with the beauty of Chippendale furniture? +How did she know that Sturt's (the tailor's) prices were lower for +costumes this season? And in what way had she become aware what the +Ashton's last parlour-maid thought, if she had not engaged that young +woman for her own service? Julia was at once uneasy and disgusted; the +last alike with the proceedings themselves and the attempt to deceive +her about them. And another letter she received at the same time did +not make her any more satisfied; it was from Johnny Gillat, about as +silly and uninforming a letter as ever man wrote, but it contained one +piece of information. Mr. Gillat was going to have a great excitement +in the early autumn--Captain Polkington was coming to London, perhaps +for as long as three months. Johnny did not know why; he thought +perhaps to have some treatment for his rheumatism; Mrs. Polkington had +arranged it. Julia did know why, and the short-sightedness of the +policy roused her contempt. To thus put the family drawback out of the +way, and leave him to his own devices and Mr. Gillat's care, seemed to +her as unwise towards him as it was unkind to Johnny. She would have +written that minute to expostulate with her mother if she had not just +then been called away. + +These two disturbing letters arrived on the day that Joost came home +from Germany, after the English mail for the day had gone. Julia +comforted herself with this last fact when she was called before she +had time to write to her mother; she could write when she went to bed +that night; the letter would go just as soon as if it was written now; +so she went to answer Mevrouw's summons to admire the carved crochet +hook her son had brought her as a present from Germany. Joost had +brought several small presents besides the crochet hook, a pipe for +his father, and two other trifles--a small vase and a photograph of a +plant which was the pride of the Berlin gardens that year--an aloe, no +yucca, but one of the true rare blooming sort, in full flower. Julia +was asked to take her choice of these two; she chose the photograph +because it seemed to her much more characteristic of the giver, and +also because it was easier to put away. She had no idea of pleasing +Joost by so doing; to tell the truth she hardly felt desirous of +pleasing him, for though she had refrained from taking his blue +daffodil and was in a way satisfied that she had done so, she did not +feel exactly grateful to him for unconsciously standing between her +and it, from which some may conclude that virtue was not an indigenous +plant with Julia. + +When Denah arrived after dinner she was given the vase. Before Joost +went away she had expressed in his hearing a wish that she had +something from Berlin; she had said it rather pronouncedly as one +might express a desire for a bear from the Rocky Mountains, or a ruby +from Burmah; she could hardly have received one of those with more +enthusiasm than she did the vase. She admired it from every point of +view and thanked Joost delightedly; the delight, however, was a little +modified when Mijnheer let slip the fact that Julia also had a present +from Berlin. + +"Have you?" she asked suspiciously. "What is it? Show me." + +Julia fetched the photograph and exhibited it with as little elation +as possible. Denah did not admire it greatly, she said she much +preferred her own present. + +At this Joost smiled a little; it was only what he expected, and +Julia began tactfully to talk about the beauties of the vase; but +Denah was not to be put off her main point. + +"Do you not prefer mine; really and truly, would you not rather it had +been yours?" she asked. + +Julia could have slipped out of the answer quite easily; the +Polkingtons were all good at saying things to be interpreted according +to taste; but Joost, with signal idiocy, stepped in and prevented. + +"No," he said, "she preferred the photograph; she chose it of the +two." + +At this intelligence Denah's face was a study; Julia could not but be +amused by it although she was sorry. She did not want to make the girl +jealous, it was absurd that she should be; but absurdity never +prevents such things, and would not now, nor would it make her +pleasanter if she were once fairly roused. Julia smoothed matters over +as well as she could, which was very well considering, though she +failed to entirely allay Denah's suspicions. + +As soon after as she could she set out for the village, leaving the +field to the Dutch girl, and carrying with her enough unpleasant +thoughts on other things to prevent her from giving any more +consideration to the silly spasm of jealousy. She had thrust her two +letters from England into her pocket, and as she went she kept turning +and turning their news in her mind though without much result. There +seemed very little she could do except prevent the banishing of her +father to London. She would write to her mother about that, and, what +might be rather more effective, to Mr. Gillat. She could tell him it +must not happen, and instruct him how to place obstacles in the way; +he would do his best to fulfil her requests, she was sure, even to +going down to Marbridge and establishing himself there about the time +of her father's intended departure. But with regard to the rest of her +mother's plans, or Cherie's, whichever it might be, there seemed +nothing to be done. To write would be useless; to go home, even if she +swallowed her pride and did so, very little better; of course she had +not anything very definite to go upon, only a hint here and there, yet +she guessed pretty well what they were doing, what spending, and what +they thought to get by it. The old, long-headed Julia feared for the +result; Mrs. Polkington, clever though she undoubtedly was, had never +succeeded in big ventures; she had not the sort of mind for it; she +had never made a wholly successful big stride; her real climbing had +been done very slowly, so the old Julia feared for her. And the new +one, who had grown up during the past months, revolted against the +whole thing, finding it sordid, despicable, dishonourable even, +somehow all wrong. And perhaps because the old cautious Julia could do +nothing to avert the consequences, the newer nature was in the +ascendant that evening, and consequences were in time forgotten, and +disgust and weariness and shame--which included self and all things +connected with it--took possession of the girl. + +By and by she heard a step behind her--Rawson-Clew. She had forgotten +his existence; she was almost sorry to be reminded of it; she felt so +ashamed of herself and her people, so conscious of the gulf between +them and him. So very conscious of this last that she suddenly felt +disinclined for the effort of struggling to hide or bridge it. + +He caught up with her. "How has the crochet progressed this week under +your care?" he asked her lightly. + +"It has not progressed," she answered; "there are enough mistakes in +it now to occupy Denah for a long time." + +He took her basket from her, and she looked at him thoughtfully. He +was just the same as usual, quiet, drawling voice, eyeglass, +everything--she wondered if he were ever different; how he would act, +say, in her circumstances. If they could change bodies, now, and he be +Julia Polkington, with her relations, needs and opportunities, what +would he do? Would he still be impassive, deliberate, equal to all +occasions? Would he find it easy to keep his inviolable laws of +good-breeding and honour, and so forth? + +"There is something I should like to ask you," she said suddenly. + +"Yes?" he inquired. + +"Is it much trouble to you to be honest?" + +He was a little surprised, though not so much as he would have been +earlier in their acquaintance. "That," he said, "I expect rather +depends on what you mean by honest. I imagine you don't refer to lying +and stealing, and that sort of thing, since nobody finds it difficult +to avoid them." + +"They are not gentlemanly?" she suggested. + +"I don't know that I ever looked at it in that way," he said; "or, +indeed, any way. One does not think about those sort of things; one +does not do them, that's all." + +She nodded. The careless change of pronoun, which in a way included +her with himself, was not lost upon her. + +"In the matter of half-truths," she inquired; "how about them?" + +"I don't think I have given that subject consideration either," he +answered, rather amused; "there does not seem any need at my age. One +does things, or one does not; abstractions don't appeal to most men +after thirty." + +Again Julia nodded. "It looks to me," she said, "as if you take your +morality, like your dinner, as a matter of course; it's always there; +you don't have to bother after it; you don't really know how it comes, +or what it is worth." + +Now and then Rawson-Clew had observed in his acquaintance with Julia, +she said things which had a way of lighting him up to himself; this +was one of the occasions. "Possibly you are right," he said, with +faint amusement. "How do you take yours? Let us consider yours; I am +sure it would be a great deal more interesting." + +"There would be more variety in it," she said significantly. + +"What is your opinion about half-truths?" he inquired, with grave +mimicry of her. + + "'Half a truth, however small, + Is better than no truth at all,'" + +she quoted. "That is so; it is better, safer to deal with--to explain +away if it is found out, to deceive with if it is not. But it is not +half so easy as the whole truth; that is the easiest thing in the +world; it takes no ingenuity, no brains, no courage, no acting, no +feeling the pulse of your people, no bolstering up or watching or +remembering. If I wanted to teach the beauty of truth, I would set my +pupils to do a little artistic white lying on their own account, to +make things look four times as good as they really were, and not to +forget to make them square together, that would teach them the +advantage of truth." + +"Do you think so?" Rawson-Clew said. "It is not the usual opinion; +fools and cowards are generally supposed to be the great dealers in +deceit and subterfuge." + +"May be," Julia allowed; "but I don't happen to have come across that +sort much; the other I have, and I am just about sick of it--I am sick +of pretending and shamming and double-dealing, of saying one thing and +implying another, and meaning another still--you don't know what it +feels like, you have never had to do it; you wouldn't, of course; very +likely you couldn't, even. I am weary of it; I am weary of the whole +thing." + +Rawson-Clew screwed the glass into his eye carefully but did not look +at her; he had an idea she would rather not. "What is it?" he asked +kindly. "What has gone wrong to-night? Too much pudding again?" + +"No," she answered, with a quick, if partial, recovery; "too much +humbug, too much self. I have seen a great deal of myself lately, and +it's hateful." + +"I cannot agree with you." + +"Do you like having a lot of yourself?" + +"No; I like yourself." + +She laughed a little; in her heart she was pleased, but she only said, +"I don't; I know what it really is." + +"And I do not?" + +"No," she answered; then, with a sudden determination to tell him the +worst, and to deal in this newly admired honesty, she said, "I will +tell you, though. You remember my father? You may have politely +forgotten him, or smoothed out your recollections of him--remember him +now; he is just about what you thought him." + +"Indeed?" the tone was that one of polite interest, which she had come +to know so well. "Your shoe is unfastened; may I tie it for you? The +question is," he went on, as he stooped to her shoe, "what did I think +of your father? I'm sure I don't know, and I hardly think you are in +a position to, either." + +She moved impatiently, so that the shoelace slipped out of his hand, +and he had to begin all over again. It was a very shabby shoe; at +another time she might have minded about it, and even refused to have +it fastened on that account; to-night she did not care, which was +perhaps as well, for Rawson-Clew knew long ago all about the +shabbiness--the only thing he did not know before was the good shape +of the foot inside. + +"I know perfectly well what you thought my father," she said; "if you +have forgotten, I will remind you. You did not think him an +adventurer, I know; of course, you saw he had not brains enough." + +But here the shoe tying was finished, and Rawson-Clew intimated +politely that he was not anxious to be reminded of things he had +forgotten. "You began by saying you would tell me about yourself," he +said; "will you not go on?" + +"I have more brains than my father," she said, "and no more +principles." + +"_Ergo_--you succeed where he falls short; in fact, you are an +adventuress--is that it? My dear child, you neither are, nor ever +could be; believe me, I really do know, though, as you have indicated, +my morality is rather mechanical and my experience much as other +men's. You see, I, too, have graduated in the study of humanity in the +university of cosmopolis; I don't think my degree is as high as yours, +and I certainly did not take it so young, but I believe I know an +adventuress when I see one. You will never do in that walk of life; I +don't mean to insinuate that you haven't brains enough, or that you +would ever lose your head; it isn't that you would lose, it's your +heart." + +"I haven't;" Julia cried hotly. "I have not lost my heart; that has +nothing to do with it." + +"I did not say that you had," Rawson-Clew reminded her; "of course +not, you have not lost it, and could not easily. I did not mean that; +I only meant that it would interfere with your success as an +adventuress." + +"It would not," Julia persisted; "I don't care about people a bit; it +isn't that, it is simply that I am sick of deception, that is why I am +telling you the truth. And as for the other thing--the daffodil"--she +forgot that he did not know about it--"I couldn't take it from any one +so silly, so childish, so trusting." + +"Of course not," Rawson-Clew said. "I don't know what the daffodil +thing is, nor from whom you could not take it--please don't tell me; I +never take the slightest interest in other people's business, it bores +me. But, you see, you bear out what I say; you are of those strong who +are merciful; you would make no success as an adventuress. Besides, +your tastes are too simple; I have some recollections of your +mentioning corduroy--er--trousers and a diet of onions as the height +of your ambition." + +Julia laughed in spite of herself. "That is only when I retire," she +said. "I haven't retired yet; until I do I am--" + +"The incarnation of the seven deadly sins?" Rawson-Clew finished for +her, with a smile in his eyes. "No doubt of it; I expect that is what +makes you good company." + +So, after all, it came about that she did not get her confession made +in full. But, then, there hardly seemed need for it; it appeared that +Rawson-Clew already knew a great deal about her, and did not think the +worse of her for it. Rather it seemed he thought better than she had +even believed; he, himself, too, was rather different--there had +crept a note of warmth and personality into their acquaintance which +had not been there before. Julia had pleasant thoughts for company on +her homeward walk, in spite of the worry of the letters she carried +with her; she even for a moment had an idea of putting the matter they +contained before Rawson-Clew and asking his advice; that is, if the +friendship which had begun to dawn on their acquaintance that evening +grew yet further. It did grow, but she did not ask him, loyalty to her +family prevented; there were, however, plenty of other things to talk +about, and the friendship got on well until the end came. + +The end came about the time of the annual fair. This fair was a great +event in the little town; it only lasted three days, and only the +middle one of the three was important, or in the least provocative of +disorder; but--so Mijnheer said--it upset business very much. After +inquiry as to how this came about, Julia learnt that it was found +necessary to give the workmen a holiday on the principal day. They got +so drunk the night before, that most of them were unfit for work, and +a few even had the hardihood to stop away entirely, so as to devote +the whole day to getting drunk again. Under these circumstances, +Mijnheer made a virtue of necessity, and gave a whole holiday to the +entire staff. + +"Does the office have a holiday too?" Julia asked. + +Mijnheer nodded. "These young fellows," he said, "are all for +holidays; they are not like their fathers. Now it is always 'I must +ride on my wheel; I must row in my boat; I must play my piano; let us +put the work away as soon as we can, and forget it.' It was not so in +my young days; then we worked, or we slept; playing was for children. +There were some great men of business in those days." + +Julia was not in a position to contradict this; she only said, "It is +a real holiday, then, like a bank holiday in England?" + +"A real holiday, yes," he answered her; "a holiday for you too, if you +like. Would you like a real English bank holiday?" He called to his +wife: "See here," he said, "here is an English miss who would like an +English holiday; when the workmen have theirs she shall have hers too, +is it not so?" + +Mevrouw nodded, laughing. "But what will you do with it?" she asked. + +"I should go out," Julia answered; "if it is fine I should go out all +day." + +"To the fair?" Mijnheer asked. "You would not like that alone; it +would be very rough." + +"I should go out into the country," Julia said. "I should make an +excursion all by myself." + +They seemed a good deal amused by her taste, but the idea suggested in +fun was really determined upon; Julia, so Mijnheer promised, should +have a holiday when every one else did, and do just what she pleased. + +"You shall do as you like," he said; "even though it is not to go to +the fair and eat _pooferchjes_. It is only once in a year one can eat +_pooferchjes_, or three times rather; they are to be had on each of +the three days." + +"What are they?" Julia asked. "I have never heard of them." + +"Never heard of them," the old man exclaimed. "They do not have them, +I suppose, on an English bank holiday? Then certainly you must have +them here; we will go and eat them on the first day of the fair, when +everything is nice and clean, and there are not too many people about. +I will find a nice quiet place, and we will go and eat them together, +after tea, before there are great crowds. Will you come with me? I +shall be taking my young lady to the fair like a gay dog." + +He chuckled at the idea, and Julia readily agreed. "I shall be +delighted," she said. + +When Denah came, a little later, it seemed she would be delighted too, +although she was not specially asked. But when she heard of the plan, +she announced that her father had promised to take Anna and herself, +and what could be better than that the parties should join? Mijnheer +quite approved of this, so did Julia; and she, on hearing Denah's +proposal, at once saw that Joost was included as he had not been +before. Joost did not like fairs; he objected to noise, and glare, and +crowds, and all such things; neither did he care for _pooferchjes_; +they were too bilious for him. Nevertheless he agreed to join the +party; Denah was quite sure it was entirely on her account. + +On the morning of the first day of the fair, Julia went into the town +to buy cakes to take with her on to-morrow's excursion. She had not +changed her mind about that; she was still fully determined to go and +spend a long day in the Dunes. She had not told the Van Heigens of the +place chosen; she and Mijnheer had much fun and mystery about it, he +declaring she was going to the wood to ride donkeys with the head +gardener's fat wife. There was another thing she also had not told the +Van Heigens--a slight alteration there had been in her plans; she was +not, as she had first intended, going alone. It had somehow come about +that Rawson-Clew was going with her; he had never seen the Dunes, and +he had nothing to do that day, and he was not going to Herr Van de +Greutz in the evening, it seemed rather a good idea that he should go +for a holiday too; Julia saw no objection to it, but also she saw that +it would not do to tell her Dutch employers. She had never mentioned +Rawson Clew to them--there had not seemed any need; she never met him +till she was clear of the town and the range of reporting tongues +there, and she usually parted from him before she reached the village +and the observers there, so nothing was known of the evening walks. +Which was rather a pity, for, as Julia afterwards found out, it is +often wisest to tell something of your doings, especially if you +cannot tell all, and they are likely to come in for public notice. + +Julia bought her cakes, and went about the town feeling as +holiday-like as the gayest peasant there, although she had no +wonderful holiday head-dress of starched lace and gold plates. She did +not see any one she knew, except old Marthe, Herr Van de Greutz's +housekeeper. She had met the old woman several times when she was +marketing, and was on speaking terms with her now, so she had to stop +and listen to her troubles. They were only the same old tale; her +newest young cook had left suddenly, and she had come to the town to +see if she could get another from among the girls who had come in for +the fair. She had no success at all, and was setting out for home, +despondent, and not at all comforted to think that she would have to +trudge in and try all over again the day after to-morrow. To-morrow, +itself, the great day, it was no good trying; no girl would pay +attention to business then. + +In the evening Julia went again into the town, but this time with +Mijnheer and Joost, and dressed in her best dress. It was not at all a +new dress, nor at all a grand one, but it was well chosen, well made +and well fitted, and certainly very well put on; the gloves and hat, +too, accorded with it, and she herself was in a humour of gaiety that +bordered on brilliancy. Was she not going to have a holiday to-morrow, +and was she not going to spend it in company with a man she liked, +and in despite of Dutch propriety, which would certainly have been +thoroughly and outrageously shocked thereby? Denah knew nothing of the +causes at work, but she was not slow to discern the result when she +and her father and sister met the Van Heigen party that evening. She +smoothed the bow at the neck of her best dress, and looked at her +gloves discontentedly; she did not altogether admire Julia's clothes, +they were not at all Dutch; but she had an intuitive idea that they +came nearer to Paris, the sartorial ideal of the nations, than her own +did. She looked suspiciously at the English girl, her eyes were +shining and sparkling like stars; they were full of alert interest and +half-suppressed mischief. She looked at everything, and overlooked +nothing, though she was talking to Mijnheer in a soft, purring voice, +that was full of fun and wickedness. Now she turned to Joost, and her +voice took another tone; she was teasing him, making fun of him in a +way that Denah decided was scandalous, although his father was there, +aiding and abetting her. Joost did not seem to resent it a bit; he +listened quite serenely, and even turned a look on her as one who has +another and private interpretation of the words. Anna saw nothing of +this; she only thought Julia very nice, and her dress pretty, and her +talk gay. But Denah, though not always so acute, was in love, and she +saw a good deal, and treasured it up for use when the occasion should +offer. + +They ate _pooferchjes_, sitting in a funny little covered stall; at +least, the top and three sides were covered, the fourth was open to +the street. A long, narrow table, with clean white calico spread on +it, ran down the centre of the place, and narrow forms stood on either +side of it. It was lighted by a Chinese lantern hung from the roof, +and also, and more especially, by a flare outside of the charcoal +fire, where the _pooferchjes_ were cooked. A powerful brown-armed +peasant woman made them, beating the batter till it frothed, and +dropping it by the spoonful into the little hollows in the great sheet +of iron that glowed on the stove without. The glow of the fire was on +her too, on her short skirt and her fine arms, and the flaring light, +that flickered in the breeze, danced on her strong, brown face, with +its resolute lines, and splendid gold-ringed head-dress. People kept +passing to and fro all the time, or stopping sometimes to look in; +solemnly-gay holiday people, enjoying themselves after their own +fashion. The light flickered on them, too, and on the brick pavement, +and on the trees, plentiful almost as canals in the town. Julia leaned +forward and looked, and listened to the guttural Dutch voices, and the +curious patois to be heard now and then, and the distant notes of +music that blended with it. And the flickering lights and shadows +danced across her mind, and the simple holiday feeling of it all got +to her head. + +Then the _pooferchjes_ were done and brought in, little round, crisp +things, smoking hot, and very greasy; something like tiny English +pancakes--at least one might say so if one had not tasted them. And +then more people came in and sat at the opposite side of the table, a +gardener of another bulb grower, and his two daughters. He raised his +hat to the Van Heigen party, and received a similar salutation in +return, though he and they were careful to put their hats on again, a +draught being a thing much feared. Mijnheer shook hands with the +father, and they entered into conversation about the weather; the +girls looked across at Denah and Anna, and more still at Julia, whose +small, slim hands they evidently admired. + +But at last the _pooferchjes_ were all eaten and paid for. To do the +latter the notary, Mijnheer and Joost all brought out large purses +and counted out small coins with care, and the party came out, making +way for new-comers. They did not go straight home again, as was first +intended, Julia's interest and gaiety seemed to have infected the +others--all except Denah, and they walked for a little while among the +booths of toys, and sweets, and peepshows, and entertainments. And as +they went, Denah grew more and more silent, watching Julia, who was +walking with Joost; the arrangement was not of the English girl's +seeking, but Denah took no account of that. The thing of which she did +take account was that they two talked as they walked together, he as +well as she, but both with the ease and quick comprehension of people +who have talked together often. + +Mijnheer stopped to look at the merry-go-round; he admired the cheerful +tune that it played. He was not a connoisseur of music; a barrel-organ was +as good to him as the organ in the Groote Kerk. The others stopped too; +Anna exclaimed on the life-like and clever appearance of the bobbing +horses, whereupon her father suggested that perhaps the girls would like +to try a ride on the machine, and then befel the crowning mischief of the +evening. Julia and Anna accepted the proposal readily. Denah declined; she +felt in no humour for it; also she thought a refusal showed a superior +mind--one likely to appeal to a serious young man, who had no taste for +the gaudy, gay, or fast, and who also had a tendency towards seasickness. +But, alas, for the fickleness of man! While Denah stood with her father +and Mijnheer, Julia rode round the centre of lighted mirrors on a prancing +wooden horse, and Joost--the serious, the sometimes seasick--rode beside +her on a dappled grey, to the familiar old English tune, +"Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-a." + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +THE HOLIDAY + + +The Dunes lay some little distance from the town, a low, but +suddenly-rising hill boundary, that shut in the basin of flat land. +They were all of pure sand, though in many places so matted with +vegetation that it was hardly recognisable as such. Trees grew in +places, especially on the side that fronted towards the town; the way +up lay through a dense young wood of beech and larch, and a short, +broad-leafed variety of poplar. There was no undergrowth, but between +the dead leaves one could see that a dark green, short-piled moss had +managed to find a hold here and there, though so smooth was it that it +looked more like old enamel than a natural growth. The trees had the +appearance of high summer, deeply, intensely green, so that they +seemed almost blackish in mass. There was no breeze among them; even +the dapples of sunlight which found their way through the roof of +leaves hardly stirred, but lay in light patches, like scattered gold +upon the ground. Flies and gnats moved and shimmered, a busy life, +whose small voices were the only sound to be heard; all else was very +still, with the glorious reposeful stillness of full summer; not +oppressive, without weariness or exhaustion, rather as if the whole +creation paused at this zenith to look round on its works, and beheld +and saw that they were all very good. + +There were no clear paths, apparently few people went that way; +certainly there was no one about when Julia and Rawson-Clew came. It +is true they saw a kind of little beer-garden at the foot of the +slope, but there was no one idling about it. + +"We shall have to come back here for lunch," Julia said. + +And when he suggested that it was rather a pity to have to retrace +their steps, she answered, "It doesn't matter, we are not going +anywhere particular; we may just as well wander one way as another. +When we get to the top this time we will explore to the right, and +when we get there again after lunch, we will go to the left; don't you +think that is the best way? This is to be a holiday, you know." + +"Is a real holiday like a dog's wanderings?" Rawson-Clew inquired; +"bounded by no purpose except dinner when hungry?" + +Julia thought it must be something of the kind. "Though," she said, +"dogs always seem to have some end in view, or perhaps a dozen ends, +for though they tear off after an imaginary interest as if there was +nothing else in the world, they get tired of it, or else start +another, and forget all about the first." + +"That must also be part of the essence of a holiday," Rawson-Clew +said; "at least, one would judge it to be so; boys and dogs, the only +things in nature who really understand the art of holiday-making, +chase wild geese, and otherwise do nothing of any account, with an +inexhaustible energy, and a purposeful determination wonderful to +behold. Also, they forget that there is such a thing as to-morrow, so +that must be important too." + +"I can't do that," Julia said. + +"You might try when you get to the top," he suggested. "I will try +then; I don't think I could do anything requiring an effort just now." + +Julia agreed that she could not either, and they went on up straight +before them. It is as easy to climb a sand-hill in one place as in +another, provided you stick your feet in the right way, and do not +mind getting a good deal of sand in your boots. So they went straight, +and at last got clear of the taller trees, and were struggling in +thickets of young poplars, and other sinewy things. The sand was +firmer, but honeycombed with rabbit holes, and tangled with brambles, +and the direction was still upwards, though the growth was so thick, +and the ground so bad, that it was often necessary to go a long way +round. But in time they were through this too, and really out on the +top. Here there was nothing but the Dunes, wide, curving land, that +stretched away and away, a tableland of little hollows and hills, like +some sea whose waves have been consolidated; near at hand its colours +were warm, if not vivid, but in the far distance it grew paler as the +vegetation became less and less, till, far away, almost beyond sight, +it failed to grey helm grass, and then altogether ceased, leaving the +sand bare. Behind lay the trees through which they had come, sloping +downwards in banks of cool shadows to the map-like land and the +distant town below; away on right and left were other groups of trees, +on sides of hills and in rounded hollows, looking small enough from +here, but in reality woods of some size. Here there was nothing; but, +above, a great blue sky, which seemed very close; and, underfoot, +low-growing Dune roses and wild thyme which filled the warm, still air +with its matchless scent; nothing but these, and space, and sunshine, +and silence. + +Julia stopped and looked round, drawing in her breath; she had found +what she had come to see--what, perhaps, she had been vaguely wanting +to find for a long time. + +"Isn't it good?" she said at last. "Did you know there was so much +room--so much room anywhere?" + +Rawson-Clew looked in the direction she did; he had seen so much of +the world, and she had seen so little of it--that is, of the part +which is solitary and beautiful. Yet he felt something of her +enthusiasm for this sunny, empty place--than which he had seen many +finer things every year of his life. + +Perhaps this thought occurred to her, for she turned to him rather +wistfully: "I expect it does not seem very much to you," she said; +"you have seen such a great deal." + +"I do not remember to have seen anything quite like this," he +answered; "and if I had, what then? One does not get tired of things." + +Julia looked at him thoughtfully. "I wonder," she said, "if one would? +If one would get weary of it, and want to go back to the other kind of +life?" + +She was not thinking of Dune country, rather of the simple life it +represented to her just then. Rawson-Clew caught the note of +seriousness in her tone and reminded her that thought for the past or +future was no part of a holiday. "Remember," he said, "you are to-day +to emulate dogs and boys." + +She laughed. "How am I to begin?" she asked. "How will you?" + +"I shall sit down," he said; "I feel I could be inconsequent much +better if I sat down to it; that is no doubt because I am past my +first youth." + +"No," she said, sitting down and putting her hat beside her; "it is +because your folly-muscles are stiff from want of use; you have played +lots of things, I expect--it is part of your necessary equipment to +be able to do so, but I doubt if you have ever played the fool +systematically. I don't believe you have ever done, and certainly +never enjoyed anything inconsequent or foolish in your life." + +"If you were to ask me," he returned, "I should hardly say you +excelled in that direction either. How many inconsequent and foolish +things have you done in your life?" + +"Some, and I should like to do some more. If I were alone now, do you +know what I should do? You see that deep hollow of sparkling white +sand? I should take off my clothes and lie there in the sun." + +Rawson-Clew turned so that his back was that way. "Do not let me +prevent you," he said. + +Julia made use of the opportunity to empty the sand out of her boots. + +He looked round as she was finishing fastening them. "But why put them +on again?" he asked. + +"Because I haven't retired from the world, yet," she answered, "and so +I can't do quite all I like." + +"When you do retire, will this ideal summer costume also be included +in the programme? Your taste in dress grows simpler; quite ancient +British, in fact." + +"The ancient Britons wore paint, and probably had fashions in it; I +don't think of imitating them. Tell me," she said, turning now to +gather the sweet-scented wild thyme, "did you ever really do anything +foolish in your life? I should like to know." + +He answered her that he had, but without convincing her. Afterwards, +he came to the conclusion that, whatever might have been the case +before, he that day qualified to take rank with any one in the matter. + +All the same, it was a very pleasant day, and they both enjoyed it +much; it is doubtful if any one in the town or its environs enjoyed +that holiday more than these two, who, from different reasons, had +probably never had so real a holiday before. They wandered over the +great open tract of land, meeting no one; once they came near enough +to the seaward edge to see the distant shimmer of water; once they +found themselves in the part where there has been some little attempt +at cultivation, and small patches of potatoes struggle for life, and a +little railway crosses the sandhills. Twice they came upon the road +along which, on working days, the peasant women bring their fish to +market in the town. But chiefly they kept to the small, dense woods, +where the sunlight only splashed the ground; or to the open solitary +spaces where the bees hummed in the wild thyme, and the butterflies +chased each other over the low rose bushes. + +A good deal after mid-day, at a time dictated entirely by choice, and +not custom, they made their way back to the beer garden. It was a very +little place, scarcely worthy of the name; the smallest possible +house, more like a barn than anything else, right in the shadow of the +wood. The fare to be obtained was bad beer, excellent coffee, new +bread, and old cheese; but it was enough, supplemented by the cakes +bought yesterday in the town; Julia knew enough of the ways of the +place to know one can bring one's own food to such places without +giving offence. As in the morning, when they first passed it, there +was no one about, every one had gone to the fair, except one taciturn +old woman who brought the required things and then shut herself in the +house. The meal was spread under the trees on a little green-painted +table, with legs buried deep in sand; there were two high, straight +chairs set up to the table, and a wooden footstool put by one for +Julia, who, seeing it, said this was certainly a picnic, and it was +really necessary to eat the _broodje_ in the correct picnic way. +Rawson-Clew tried, with much gravity, but she laughed till the +taciturn old woman looked out of window, and wondered who they were, +and how they came to be here. + +When the meal was done, they went back again up the steep slope, and +then away on the left. The country on this side was less open, and +more hilly, deeper hollows and larger woods, still there was not much +difficulty in finding the way. The latter part of the day was not so +fine as the earlier, the sky clouded over, and, though there was still +no wind, the air grew more chilly. They hardly noticed the change, +being in a dense young wood where there was little light, but Julia +lost something of the holiday spirit, and Rawson-Clew became grave, +talking more seriously of serious things than had ever before happened +in their curious acquaintanceship. They sat down to rest in a green +hollow, and Julia began to arrange neatly the bunch of short-stemmed +thyme flowers that she carried. They had been quiet for some little +time, she thinking about their curious acquaintance, and wondering +when it would end. Of course it would end--she knew that; it was a +thing of mind only; there was very little feeling about it--a certain +mutual interest and a liking that had grown of late, kindness on his +part, gratitude on hers, nothing more. But of its sort it had grown to +be intimate; she had told him things of her thoughts, and of herself, +and her people too, that she had told to no one else; and he, which +was perhaps more remarkable, had sometimes returned the compliment. +And yet by and by--soon, perhaps--he would go away, and it would be as +if they had never met; it was like people on a steamer together, she +thought, for the space of the voyage they saw each other daily, saw +more intimately into each other than many blood relations did, and +then, when port was reached, they separated, the whole thing +finished. She wondered when this would finish, and just then +Rawson-Clew spoke, and unconsciously answered her thought. + +"I am going back to England soon," he said. + +She looked up. "Is your work here finished?" she asked. + +"It is at an end," he answered; "that is the same thing." + +Then she, her intuition enlightened by a like experience suddenly knew +that he, too, had failed. "You mean it cannot be done," she said. + +He opened his cigarette case, and selected a cigarette carefully. "May +I smoke?" he asked; "there are a good many gnats and mosquitoes about +here." He felt for a match, and, when he had struck it, asked +impersonally, "Do you believe things cannot be done?" + +"Yes," she answered; "I know that sometimes they cannot; I have proved +it to myself." + +"You have not, then, much opinion of the people who do not know when +they are beaten?" + +"I don't think I have," she answered; "you cannot help knowing when +you are beaten if you really are--that is, unless you are a fool. Of +course, if you are only beaten in one round, or one effort, that is +another thing; you can get up and try again. But if you are really and +truly beaten, by yourself, or circumstances, or something--well, +there's an end; there is nothing but to get up and go on." + +"Just so; in that case, as you say, there is not much going to be +done, except going home." + +Julia nodded. "But I can't even do that," she said. "I am beaten, but +I have got to stay here all the same, having nowhere exactly to go." + +This was the first time she had spoken even indirectly of her own +future movements. "But, perhaps," he suggested, "if you stay, you may +find a back way to your object after all." + +She shook her head. "It is the back way I tried. No, there is no way; +it is blocked. I know, because it is myself that blocks it." + +"In that case," he said, "I'm afraid I must agree with you; there is +no way; oneself is about the most insurmountable block of all. I +might have known that you were hardly likely to make any mistake as to +whether you were really beaten or not." + +"I should not think it was a mistake you were likely to make either," +she observed. + +"You think not? Well, I had no chance this time; the fact has been +made pretty obvious to me." + +She did not say she was sorry; in her opinion it was an impertinence +to offer condolence to failure. "I suppose," she said, after a pause, +"there is not a back way--a door, or window, even, to your object?" + +"Unfortunately, no. There are no windows at the back; and as to the +door--like you, it was that which I tried, with the result that +recently--yesterday, in fact--I was metaphorically shown out." + +Julia had learnt enough by this time, though she had not been told for +certain, that her first suspicions were right; to be sure, it was the +explosive which took Rawson-Clew to the little village evening after +evening. She had gathered as much from various things which had been +said, though she did not know at all how he was trying to get it, nor +in what way he had introduced himself to Herr Van de Greutz. Whatever +method he had tried it was now clear he had failed; no doubt been +found out, for the chemist, unlike Joost Van Heigen, was the very +reverse of unsuspecting, and thoroughly on the look-out for other +nations who wanted to share his discovery. For a moment Julia wished +she had been in Rawson-Clew's place; of course she, too, might have +failed--probably would; she had no reason to think she would succeed +where he could not; but she certainly would not have failed in this +for the reason she had failed with the blue daffodil. The attempt +would have been so thoroughly well worth making; there would have been +some sport in it, and a foe worthy of her steel. In spite of her +desire for the simple life, she had too much real ability for this +sort of intrigue, and too much past practice in subterfuge, not to +experience lapses of inclination for it when she saw such work being +done, and perhaps not done well. Of this, however, she naturally did +not speak to Rawson-Clew; she rearranged her flowers in silence for a +little while, at last she said-- + +"It is hateful to fail." + +"It is ignominious, certainly; one does not wish to blazon it from the +housetops; still, doubtless like your crochet work, it is good +discipline." + +"Maybe," Julia allowed, but without conviction. "Yours seems a simple +failure, mine is a compound one. If it is ignominious, as you say, to +fail, it would have been equally ignominious in another way if I had +succeeded. I could not have been satisfied either way." + +"That sounds very complicated," Rawson-Clew said; "but then, I imagine +you are a complicated young person." + +"And you are not." + +"Not young, certainly," he said, lighting another cigarette. + +"Nor complicated," she insisted; "you are built on straight lines; +there are given things you can do and can't do, would do and would not +do, and might do in an emergency. It is a fine kind of person to be, +but it is not the kind which surprises itself." + +Rawson-Clew blew a smoke-ring into the air; he was smiling a little. + +"How old are you?" he said. "Twenty? Almost twenty-one, is it? And +until you were sixteen you knocked about a bit? Sixteen is too young +to come much across the natural man--not the artful dodging man, or +the man of civilisation, but the natural, primitive man, own blood +relation to Adam and the king of the Cannibal Islands. You may meet +him by and by, and if you do he may surprise you; he is full of +surprises--he rather surprises himself, that is, if his local habitat +is ordinarily an educated, decent person." + +"You have not got a natural man," Julia said shortly; she was annoyed, +without quite knowing why, by his manner. + +"Have I not? Quite likely; certainly, he has never bothered me, but I +should not like to count on him. Since we have got to personalities, +may I say that you have got a natural woman, and plenty of her; also a +marked taste for the works of the machine, in preference to the face +usually presented to the company?" + +"The works are the only interesting part; I don't care for the +drawing-room side of things; they are cultivated, but they are too +much on the skin. I would much rather be a stoker, or an engineer, +than sit on deck all day and talk about Florentine art, and the Handel +Festival, and Egyptology, and the gospel of Tolstoy, and play cricket +and quoits, and dance a little, and sing a little, and flirt a little, +ever so nicely. Oh, there are lots of girls who can do all those +things, and do them equally well; I know a few who can, well off, +well-bred girls--you must know a great many. They are clever to begin +with, and they are taught that way; it is a perfect treat to meet +them and watch them, but I never want to imitate them, even if I +could--and there is no danger of that. I would rather be in the +engine-room, with my coat off, a bit greasy and very profane, and +doing something. There would be more flesh and blood there, even if it +were a bit grubby; I believe I'm more at home with people who can +do--well, what's necessary, even if it is not exactly nice." + +Rawson-Clew knew exactly the kind of woman she had described for the +deck--he met them often; charming creatures, far as the poles asunder +from the girl who spoke of them; he liked them--in moderation, and in +their place, much as his forebears of fifty years ago had liked +theirs, the delicate, sensitive creatures of that era. He had never +regarded Julia in that light; he found her certainly more entertaining +as a companion, though also very far short of the standard as a woman +and an ornament. + +"The people in the engine-room," he observed, "would certainly be more +useful in an emergency; still, life is not made up entirely of +emergencies." + +"No," Julia answered; "and in between times such people are better not +on show--I know that; that is why I do not care for the drawing-room +side of things, I don't know enough to shine in them." + +"Do you think it is a matter of knowledge?" he asked, "or inclination? +If it comes to knowledge I should say you had a rather remarkable +stock of an unusual sort, and at first hand. That may not be what is +required for a complete drawing-room success, though I am not sure +that it is not more interesting--say for an excursion--than a flitting +glance at the subjects you mention, and about eighteen or twenty more +that you did not." + +Julia looked up, half pleased, doubtful as to whether or not to +interpret this as a compliment; she never knew quite how much he meant +of what he said; his manner was exactly the same, whether he was in +fun or in earnest. But if she thought of asking him now she was +prevented, for at that moment Mr. Gillat's watch slipped out of her +belt into her lap, and she saw the time. + +"How late is it!" she exclaimed. "We ought to have started +half-an-hour ago; it will take me two hours, and more, to get home +from here, even if I go by the tram in the town." + +She rose as she spoke, and he rose more slowly. + +"Shall I take your flowers for you?" he asked. "They seem rather +inclined to tumble about; don't you think they would be safer in my +pocket? As you say you are going to dry them, it won't matter crushing +them." + +She gave them to him, and he put the sweet-smelling bunch into his +pocket, then they started for the edge of the wood. + +"It is much colder," Julia said; "and the sun is all gone; I suppose +the clouds have been coming gradually, but I did not notice before. If +it is going to rain, we shall get decidedly wet before we get back." + +"I am afraid so," he agreed; "you have no coat." + +She told him that did not matter, she did not mind getting wet, and +she spoke with a cheerful buoyancy that carried conviction. + +When they reached the outskirts of the wood, however, they saw there +was not much chance of rain, but a much worse evil threatened. All the +distance on the seaward side was blotted out, a fine white mist shut +out the curving land in that direction. It was blowing up towards +them, rolling down the little hills in billowy puffs, and lying +filmy, yet dense, in the hollows, moved by a wind unfelt here. + +"A sea fog," Julia said; "I wonder how far it is coming." + +Rawson-Clew wondered too; he thought, as she did, that there was every +chance of its coming far and fast, but it did not seem necessary to +either of them to say anything so unpleasantly and obviously probable. + +They set out homewards as fast as they could; it was a long way to the +place where they had climbed up, unfortunately all across open +country, entirely without roads or definite paths, and the drifting +sea fog was coming up fast, bound, it would seem, the same way. Soon +it was upon them; they felt its advance in the chill that, like cold +fingers, laid hold on everything; it came quite silently up from +behind, without noticeable wind, eerily creeping up and enfolding +everything, putting a white winding-sheet not about the earth only, +but the very air also. The cotton blouse that Julia wore became limp +and wet as if it had been dipped in water; she could see the fog +condensing in beads on her companion's coat almost like hoar frost; it +lay on every low-growing rose bush and bramble that they stepped upon, +a curious transformer of all near objects, a complete obliterator of +all more distant ones. + +They pushed on as quickly as might be, climbing little hills, +descending into hollows; stumbling among rabbit holes, threading their +way through thickets; apparently finding something amusing in the +patriarchal colonies of rabbit burrows that tripped them up, and +stopping to argue, though hardly in earnest, as to whether they had +passed that way or not, when some white-barked tree, or other +landmark, loomed suddenly out of the thickening mist. Once it seemed +the fog was going to lift; Julia thought she saw the outline of a +distant hill, but either it was closed in again directly, or else she +mistook a thicker fold of cloud for a more solid object, for it was +lost almost before she pointed it out. + +For something over two hours they walked and stumbled, and went up +small ascents and came down small declines; then suddenly they came +upon the white-barked tree again. It was the same one that they had +seen more than an hour and a half ago; Rawson-Clew recognised it by a +peculiar warty growth where the branches forked; they had now +approached it from the other side, but clearly it was the same one, +and they had come round in a circle. + +He stopped and pointed it out to her. "I am afraid," he said, "we had +better do what is recommended when the clouds come down on the +mountains." + +"And that is?" Julia asked. + +"Sit down and wait till they shift." + +She could not but see the advisability of this, also she was very +tired, the going for these two hours had not been easy, and it had +come at the end of a long day. She would not admit, even to herself, +that she was tired, but she was, so she agreed to the waiting; after +all, it was impossible to pretend longer that they were going to get +home easily, and were not really hopelessly astray. + +"We will go a little way in among the trees," Rawson-Clew said; "it is +more sheltered, and we shall be able to find the way quite as easily +from one place as another when the fog lifts." + +They found as sheltered a spot as they could, and sat down under a big +tree; as they did so his hand came in contact with Julia's wet sleeve +and cold arm. "How cold you are!" he said. "You have nothing on." + +"Oh, yes, I have," she assured him. "I did not avail myself of your +permission this morning." + +He took off his coat and put it round her. + +But she threw it off again. "That won't do at all," she said; "now you +have nothing on, and that is much more improper; women may sit in +their shirt sleeves, men may not." + +"Don't be absurd!" he said authoritatively; "you are to keep that on," +and he wrapped it about her with a decision that brought home to her +her youth and smallness. + +"You are shutting all the damp in," she protested, shifting her point +of attack, "and that is very unwholesome. I shan't get warm; I haven't +any warmth to start with; you are wasting what you have got to no +purpose." + +But he did not waste it, for eventually it was arranged that they sat +close together under the tree, with the coat put as far as it would go +over both of them. Rawson-Clew was not given to thinking how things +looked, he did what he thought necessary, or advisable, without taking +any thought of that kind; so it did not occur to him how this +arrangement might look to an unprejudiced observer, had there been any +such. But Julia, with her faculty for seeing herself as others saw +her, was much, though silently, amused as she thought of the Van +Heigens. Poor, kind folks, they were doubtless already wondering what +could have become of her; if they could only have seen her sitting +thus, with an unknown man, what would their Dutch propriety have said? + +"Do you suppose this fog will be in the town?" Rawson-Clew said, after +a time. + +"No," she answered, "I should think not; from what I have heard, I +think it is very unlikely." + +"Then the Van Heigens won't know what has become of you?" + +"Not a bit in the world; they don't even know where I was going +to-day. I did not tell them; I am afraid they will be rather uneasy +about me, but perhaps not so very much, they know by this time I can +take care of myself; besides, I shall be home before bed-time, if the +fog lifts." + +Rawson-Clew agreed, and they talked of other things. Julia held the +opinion that when an evil has to be endured, not cured, there is no +good in discussing it over and over again; she had a considerable gift +for making the best of other things besides opportunities. + +But the fog did not lift soon; it did not grow denser, but it did not +grow less; it just lay soft and chilly, casting a white pall of +silence on all things, closing day before its time, and making it +impossible to say when evening ended and night began. Gradually the +two who waited for its lifting fell into silence, and Julia, tired +out, at last dropped asleep, her head tilted back against the +tree-trunk, her shoulder pressed close against Rawson-Clew under the +shelter of his coat. + +He did not move, he was afraid of waking her; he sat watching, waiting +in the eerie white stillness, until at last the space before him +altered, and gradually between the trees he saw the faint outline of a +hill, dark against the dark sky. Slowly the white mist rolled from it, +a billowy, ghostly thing, that left a black, vague world, only dimly +seen. He looked at the sleeping girl, then at the hill; the fog was +clearing, there was no doubt about that; soon it would be quite gone, +but it would be a very dark night, the stars would hardly show, and +the moon was now long down. He was not at all sure of being able to +find his way across this undulating country, so entirely devoid of +prominent features, in a very dark night. Rather he was nearly sure +that he could not do it; and though he had a by no means low opinion +of Julia's abilities, he did not think that she could either. Also, +with a sense of dramatic fitness equal to that of the girl's he +thought their arrival in the town would be rather ill-timed if they +started now. It would be wiser to wait till after it was light, though +dawn was not so very early now, the summer being far advanced. So he +decided, and Julia slept peacefully on, her head dropping lower and +lower, till finally it reached his shoulder. But he did not move; he +left it resting there, and waited, thinking of nothing perhaps, or +anything; or perhaps of that unknown quantity, the natural man, which +has a way of stirring sometimes even in the most civilised, at night +time. So he sat and watched for the dawn. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +TO-MORROW + + +It was a bright sunny morning, and, though the third and last day of +the fair, people went to their business as usual. The Dutch are early +risers, and set about their day's work in good time; but even had they +been the reverse, the latest of them would have been about before +Julia and Rawson-Clew reached the outskirts of the town. They had +stopped for breakfast at the first village they came to after leaving +the Dunes, this on the principle of being hung for a sheep rather than +a lamb. It did not seem to matter being a little later considering the +necessarily unreasonable hour of their return; also Julia, with the +instinct of her family for detail; preferred to set herself to rights +so as to present the best appearance possible when she arrived at the +Van Heigens'. It was not natural, of course, that a person should +appear too neat and orderly after a night of adventure, lost on the +Dunes; but the reverse was not becoming. Julia hit the medium between +the two with a nicety which might have cost one not a Polkington some +thought, but to one of them was merely the natural thing. + +Together Julia and Rawson-Clew walked to the outskirts of the town. +Their ways parted there--his to the left, hers to the right; it was +the port of which she had thought yesterday, the place of final +separation. He had proposed to go with her to the Van Heigens, so as +to bear testimony to what had befallen, and to assure them that she +was quite safe; but she would not have this, she felt she could manage +very much better without him, his presence would only require a good +deal of extra explanation, none too easy to give. He guessed the +reason of her refusal and saw the wisdom of it, although he felt +annoyed that she had, as he now perceived she must, concealed their +earlier acquaintance. It might have been advisable, seeing Dutch +notions of propriety; but it placed the matter in a rather invidious +light, and also began to bring home to him the fact, which grew very +much more evident before the day was over, that he had distinguished +himself by an act of really remarkable folly. + +They had almost reached the town, in fact had passed some small +houses, the dwelling-places of carriage proprietors and washerwomen, +when a girl stepped out of a doorway some distance ahead of them. She +glanced in their direction, then stared. + +"There's Denah," Julia said; she did not speak with consternation +though Denah was about the last person she wanted to see just then. +Consternation is a waste of time and energy when you are found out, a +bold face and immediate actions are usually best. Julia waved her hand +in cheerful greeting to the Dutch girl. + +But Denah did not return the greeting; instead, after her stare of +astonished recognition, she turned and set off up the road towards +where it joined a more important street with trams, which ran into the +town. + +"Hulloah?" Julia said softly, and quick as thought she turned too, and +the hand that had waved to Denah was signaling to a carriage which at +that moment drove out of a stable-yard near. A light had come into her +eyes, a dancing light like the gleam on a sword-blade. There was a +little wee smile about her lips, too, which somehow brought to +Rawson-Clew's mind a man he once knew who had sung softly to himself +all the time he prepared for the brigands who were known to be about +to rush his camp. + +"She'll take a tram," Julia said gaily, looking towards the speeding +figure; "she is too careful to waste her money even to spite any one +of whom she is jealous." + +The cab drew up, and Julia, not failing to see Denah fulfil her words +at the junction of the street, got in. Rawson-Clew followed her. She +would have prevented him. + +"Don't come," she said; "I don't want you. Good-bye." + +But he insisted. "I certainly am coming," he said, and ordered the man +to drive on into the town, telling Julia to give the address. + +She did so, weighing in her mind the while the chances of +Rawson-Clew's knowledge of Dutch being equal to following all that was +said when three people spoke at once, all of them in a great state of +excitement. She thought it was possible he would not master every +detail, but at the same time she did not wish him to try; it would be +insupportable to have him dragged into this, and in return for his +kindness to her have a dozen vulgar and ridiculous things said and +insinuated. + +"Look here," she said, "there is not any need for you to come, I can +do better without you, I can indeed. I have got to explain things, of +course, but, as I told you before, I have had some practice at dodging +and explaining. I shall reach the Van Heigens' before Denah, so I +shall get the first hearing, that's all I want, I can explain +beautifully." + +"You cannot explain me away," Rawson-Clew answered. "I know I was not +to have figured in the original account, that is obvious, but it is +equally obvious that I must figure in this one. I prefer to give it +myself." + +"Oh, but that won't do at all!" Julia said. "Please leave it to me, it +would be nothing to me, I am used to tight places, and it would be an +insufferable annoyance to you. I really don't want you to suffer for +your kindness to me--you have no idea what absurd and ridiculous +things they will say." + +Rawson-Clew had been polishing his eyeglass, he put it back in his eye +before he spoke. "My dear child," he said; "in spite of the sheltered +life with which you credit me, I assure you I have a very clear idea +of the kind of things they will say." + +"Then for goodness sake, leave it to me," Julia said, losing her +temper; "I can do it a great deal better than you can; I'm not honest, +and you are, and that's a handicap." + +"In these cases," Rawson-Clew answered imperturbably, "honesty +requires the consideration of the lady first and truth afterwards--a +long way after. Let me know what you want told and I will tell +it--with evidence--I suppose you are equal to evidence?" + +Julia laughed, but without much mirth. "I do wish you would not come," +she said. + +But he did, and they drove together through the town, past the bulb +gardens, to the wooden house with the dark-tiled roof. There +Rawson-Clew paid the coachman and dismissed the carriage while Julia +rang the bell. + +In time the servant came to the door. "Ach!" she cried at the sight of +Julia, and, "G-r-r-r!" and other exclamations, uttered very gutturally +and with upraised hands. She was a country girl from some remote +district, and she spoke a very unintelligible patois; at least +Rawson-Clew found it so, his companion, apparently, was used to it. + +Julia listened to the exclamations, and apparently to congratulations +on her safe return, said in a friendly manner that she had a terrible +adventure, and then asked where Mevrouw was. + +Mevrouw was out, and Mijnheer was out too; a torrent more information +followed, but Julia did not pay much attention to it, she turned to +Rawson-Clew with the smile on her lips with which she laughed at +herself. + +"Denah saved her money and won her move," she said; "it serves me +right. I under-rated her--this is what always comes of under-rating +the enemy." + +"Do you mean she knew where these people are?" Rawson-Clew asked. + +"That is about it, she knew and I did not." + +"What are you going to do?" + +"Wait till they come back, there is nothing else." + +He moved as if he thought to follow her into the house, but she did +not approve of that. "You cannot wait with me," she said; "it is one +thing to bring me home, quite another to wait with me here." + +He, however, thought differently, but he did not argue the point. +"Thank you," he said, "I prefer to wait; I consider I am conducting +this now, not you." + +He was a little annoyed by her ridiculous persistence, but she looked +at him with the dancing lights coming back in her eyes. "Oh, well, if +you prefer to wait," she said, "but I'm afraid you must do it alone." +And before he realised what she was doing, she had run off, down the +path, across an empty flower-bed and among some brushes behind. + +In considerable anger he turned to follow her, but he pulled himself +up; there was very little use in that and no need for it either; he +was sure she was far too skilful a tactician to imperil an affair by +unwise flight; this was a blind merely--unless, of course, she thought +of setting out to find these Dutch people, wherever they might be. He +asked the staring servant where her master and mistress were; it took +time for him to make out her answers, but at last he did. Mijnheer was +at a place (or house) with a name he had never before heard, and would +have been puzzled to say now from this one hearing. It was a distant +bulb farm, and Mijnheer had gone there on business; the fact that +Julia had not returned home naturally did not keep the good man from +his work. These details Rawson-Clew did not know; the name only was +given to him, and that conveyed nothing. Joost, he was told, was +somewhere in the bulb gardens, where, seemed unknown; Mevrouw was at +the house of the notary. Who the notary was, and where he lived, and +why she had gone there were alike as obscure to this inquirer as was +Julia's probable destination. He felt that she might have set out to +find any one of these three people, or she might be lying in wait, +like a foolish child, till he had gone. He went down the drive; +outside the gate he saw some idlers who had been there when he drove +in a little while back; he asked them if any one answering to the +girl's description had come out. They told him "ja," and they also +told him which direction she had taken; it was the way that led to the +market, not the residential part of the town. + +He was no better off for this information; there seemed nothing to be +done. It would have been little short of absurd, if, indeed, it had +not been seriously compromising to Julia, for him to present himself +at the house of the notary--when he could find it--and tell Vrouw Van +Heigen he had brought Julia home and she was afraid to appear with +him. Either he and she must act together and appear together, or else +he must, as she desired and now made necessary, keep out of it +altogether. Considerably annoyed with the girl, but at the same time +uneasy about her, he went to his hotel. + +As the morning wore on, the annoyance lessened and the uneasiness +grew. After all he was not sure that Julia had thrown away much by +refusing to have the support of his company; had they two been there +waiting for the Van Heigens' return, or had they set out together to +find them, he was not sure his presence would have been any help in +the face of the jealous Dutch girl's accusations. A jealous woman, +even an ordinarily foolish one, is a very dangerous thing when she is +attacking a fancied rival with a chance of encompassing her overthrow. +Denah would have got her tale told, her case proven, indignation +aroused and sympathy with her before the Van Heigens even saw Julia. +He wondered what she would do alone and wished he knew how she fared; +he thought over the explanations possible and the various ways out +that might suggest themselves to a fertile brain. They were not many, +and they were not good; the simple truth would probably be best, and +that would be so exceedingly compromising under the circumstances that +the Van Heigens were hardly likely to find it palatable. Indeed, he +began to see that, even if they two could have presented themselves, +as they had first intended, to the anxious family before Denah +arrived, it was very doubtful if the matter could have been +satisfactorily cleared up to a suspicious and prudish Dutch mind. The +girl was only a companion, a person of no importance, easy to replace; +and, no matter how the fact might be explained, it still remained that +she had been out all night with an unknown man; one, who, if he were +known, would show to be of a position to make the proceeding more +compromising still. + +At this point Rawson-Clew got up and walked to the window. It was +then that it struck him that he had, in these his mature years, +committed an act of stupendous folly, the like of which his youth had +never known. + +But the girl, what would become of the girl? In England, in +ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, she would have been dismissed; in +Holland that one last hope did not exist. She would be dismissed with +her character considerably damaged and her chance of getting another +situation entirely gone. What would she do? She had told him yesterday +she could not leave, but was obliged to stay on at the Van Heigens'; +although she had failed in the first object of her coming, and so had +no motive for remaining, she had nowhere else to go. Perhaps she had +quarrelled with her relatives; perhaps they could not afford to keep +her--they were poor enough he knew. She had once said her eldest +sister had lately married the nephew of a bishop; he remembered that, +and he also remembered that, after his unfortunate visit to Captain +Polkington, he had heard they were people with some good connections. +But that did not mean that they could afford to help this girl, or +would be delighted to receive her home under the present conditions. +Rather it indicated that their position was too precarious for them to +be able to do it. They would be bitterly hard on her--these aspiring +people of gentle birth and doubtful shifts, clinging to society by the +skin of their teeth, were the hardest of all. The girl could not go +back to them; she could not get anything to do in Holland, or +elsewhere--in Heaven's name what could she do? + +He asked himself the question with his hands in his pockets and his +eyes on the street. But the answer did not seem forthcoming. + +There was no good blinking the matter; the fact was obvious; the girl +was hopelessly and utterly compromised; and he, aided certainly by +untoward circumstances--for the sardonic interference of which, in +such circumstances, a man of sense usually allows--he had done it. +They had had their "holiday," without taking thought for the morrow, +in the way approved by boys and dogs and creatures without experience. +And here was to-morrow, knocking at the door and demanding the +price--as experience showed that it usually did. The question was, who +was going to pay, he or she? She had taken it upon herself as a matter +of course; it seemed natural to her that the burden should be the +woman's, but it did not seem so to him; among his people it was the +man who was expected, and who himself expected, to pay. When he had +grasped the situation fully and saw how she must inevitably stand he +also saw at the same time and equally plainly, that he must marry her; +nothing else was possible. + +He walked away from the window and began to search for writing +materials. He could not go and see her, it was out of the question +under the circumstances; he would have to write, and, on the whole, +perhaps, it was easier that way. He sat down to the table, but he did +not at once begin, for between him and the paper there rose up the +vision of a stately old Norfolk house. It was his; he had not lived +there for years, but he supposed he would some day; all his people +had; he remembered his grandfather there and his grandmother--a tall, +stately woman, a woman of parts. He thought of her, and his mother, a +graceful, gracious woman--he thought of her standing in the +drawing-room between the long windows, receiving company. And then he +thought of Julia. + +He turned away from the vision abruptly, and dated his letter. But +soon he had lain down his pen again. He was conservative, and Julia +was not of the breed of the women he had recalled; she had no kinship +with them or their modern prototypes, one of whom he vaguely supposed +he should marry some day--when he went to live in the old Norfolk +house. Hers was not a stately or a gracious or an all pervading +feminine presence; she demanded no court, no care, no carpet for her +way; she could come and go unnoticed and unattended; you could +overlook her--though she never overlooked you or anything else. She +had her points certainly, she was loyal to the core--she would be +loyal to him, he was sure, in this scrape, with a silly wrong-headed +loyalty, more like a man's to a woman than a woman's to a man. She was +loyal to her none too reputable family--that family was a bitter thing +to his pride of race. She was courageous, too, cheerfully enduring, +laughing in the face of disaster, patient when action was impossible +and when it was possible--he found himself smiling when he recalled +her--surely there was never one more gay, more ready, more steady, +more quietly alert than she when there was a struggle with men or +matters in the wind. She had brains of a sort, there was no doubt of +that; it was possible to imagine one would not grow tired of her +undiluted company as one would of the other sort of woman. Only of +course a man did not have the undiluted company of his wife--perhaps +if he were a small shop-keeper or an itinerant organ-grinder--if night +and day they lived together and worked together and looked out on the +world together--if it was the simple life of which she dreamed-- + +Rawson-Clew picked up his pen and began to write; it was not a case of +whether he would or would not, liked or disliked; he had simply to +make a girl he had compromised the only restitution in his power. + +In the meantime Julia had set out for the market-place as the idlers +had said. But her business there did not take long and she was home +again, as she intended, before Mevrouw got back from the Snieders. But +she had not been in much more than five minutes before the old lady, +supported by Vrouw Snieder and Denah, arrived. Mijnheer came home not +long after, and, hearing news of the return of the truant, went to the +house to join the others. + +Julia waited to receive the attack in the dim sitting-room. She knew +as well as Rawson-Clew, or better, that she had not a ghost of a +chance of clearing herself; dismissal was inevitable; that was why she +went to the market-place. She had not largely assisted her family in +living by their wits without having those faculties in exceeding good +working order; she had already seen and seized the only thing open to +her when the end should come. But the fact that she knew how it would +end did not prevent her from giving battle; the knowledge only made +her change her tactics, and, as there was no use in defending her +position (and companion) she was able to concentrate her forces in +harassing the enemy. + +In these circumstances it is not wonderful that Denah did not derive +the satisfaction she expected from the affair. Julia, unrepentant and +reckless because of her known fate, unhampered by Rawson-Clew's +presence, and flatly declining to give any particulars about him, +would have been an awkward antagonist for one cleverer than the Dutch +girl. Poor Denah lost her temper, and lost her head, and lost control +of her tongue and her tears. Julia did not lose anything, but again +and again winged shafts that went unerringly home. She was genuinely +sorry to have upset and disappointed Mevrouw, but for Denah she did +not care in the least, and the old lady soon contrived to soften some +of the regret, for she was far too angry and shocked at the +impropriety to have any gentler feelings of sorrow or to believe what +she was told. Vrouw Snieder acted principally as chorus of horror; she +was shocked and angry too, on Mevrouw's account and on her own and her +daughter's; she seemed to think they had all been outraged together. + +When Mijnheer came in they were all talking at once and Denah was +weeping copiously. Julia's part in the conversation was small; she +just shot a word in here and there, but apparently never without +effect, for her utterances, like drops of water on hot metal, were +always followed by fresh bursts of excitement. The good man tried in +vain to make out what was the matter and what had happened. At last, +after his fifth effort elsewhere, he turned to Julia, and she told him +briefly. She told the truth, only suppressing Rawson-Clew's name and +all details concerning him, saying merely that he was a man she had +met before she left England. The two elder sisters gradually became +silent to listen; Denah listened too, only sniffing occasionally. + +"You pretended you did not know him the day we went the excursion," +she said vindictively; "I saw you; I knew you were not to be trusted +then. Why did you pretend, and how do you know him? He is a man of +family; he has the air of it, very distinguished, and you are nothing +at all, nobody--" + +"Hush!" said Mijnheer; "that is not the point; it is of no importance +who the man may be, he is a man, that is enough; and she was out with +him--alone--a whole day and night; it is certainly very bad indeed; +shocking, if it is true--is it true?" + +He looked at Julia, and she answered, "Yes." + +She was sorry, very sorry, but more on his account than her own; she +could see how heinous he thought it, how she had fallen in his esteem, +and she was sorry for it. But at the same time she knew her conduct +really had been no more than indiscreet; and she did not repent; she +regretted nothing but being found out, and that not so much as she +ought now that the joy of battle was upon her. As for the women, they +suspected far worse than Mijnheer believed; but even if they had not, +if they had believed no more than the truth, that would have been +enough for condemnation; her offence--the real one--was past +forgiveness; she must go. She received the sentence meekly; she knew +she deserved no less from these kind if narrow-minded people. Denah +smiled triumphantly; Julia felt she deserved that too; moreover, +Denah's nose was so pink and her face so swelled with tears, that the +smile was more amusing than exasperating. + +"I am sorry," she said; "I am sorry you should all have to think so +ill of me, and that I should deserve it. You have been very kind to me +while I have been here, and made my service easy; I am ashamed to have +deceived you and behaved in such a way as you must condemn." + +Unfortunately Vrouw Snieder snorted here; she did not believe in these +protestations and she said so, inducing Vrouw Van Heigen to do the +same. Mijnheer looked doubtfully at Julia for a moment, then he came +to the conclusion that if she was not too abandoned a person to be +really repentant, it would be as well to take advantage of her +professed state of mind and drive home some moral lessons. Accordingly +he and the two elder ladies drove them home, with the result that +Julia's regret dwindled to nothing. + +"Mijnheer," she said at last, quietly yet effectually breaking in upon +his words; "Mijnheer, you are a very good man, Mevrouw is a virtuous +woman, and Vrouw Snieder also, all of you. I have often admired your +goodness; when you were least conscious of it it preached to me, +making me ashamed of my wickedness. But now that you, in your +goodness, have taken to preaching to me yourselves, I am no longer +ashamed, for it is clear that your goodness dares to do a thing that +no man's wickedness would; it turns the foolish and indiscreet into +sinners and sinners into devils; it makes the way of wrong-doing very +easy. You are so good," she went on, putting aside an interruption; +"perhaps you do not know wickedness when you see it; you cannot +distinguish between sin and sin; you are like those who would hang a +man for stealing bread as soon as for killing a child. What! Are you +indignant, Mevrouw, at such a charge? Are you not turning out, with no +character and no chance--a good enough imitation of hanging--a girl +who has been no more than foolish, just the same as if she had +committed the greatest sin?" + +Vrouw Heigen broke in angrily, and Vrouw Snieder and Denah, +inexpressibly shocked; Mijnheer was also shocked, but he, and they +too, were vaguely uneasy under the reproach. Julia was satisfied; more +especially as her experience of them led her to expect they would, +though never persuaded they had made a mistake, yet feel more uneasy +by and by. + +She rose from her chair. "Yes," she said, "it is a shame to speak of +such things, as you observe; do not let us speak of them any more. +Perhaps Mijnheer you would like to pay me, then I can go." + +Mijnheer agreed rather hastily; then, realising the suddenness of the +step, he paused with his purse in his hand. "But can you go now?" he +asked. "Nothing is arranged; you had better wait a day or two." + +"No," Julia answered, "I think not; it would be well to get the thing +over and done with; you would rather and so would I." + +No one contradicting this, Mijnheer counted the money and gave it to +Julia. + +"Thank you," she said; "now I will set the table for coffee drinking. +You will stay, of course, Mevrouw," she went on, turning to Vrouw +Snieder--"and Miss Denah, that will be two extra--Mijnheer Joost will +be in, Denah; you can tell him about it." + +Denah flushed indignantly, and Vrouw Snieder could only say +"You--You--" + +"Oh, I will not sit down with you, of course," Julia answered sweetly; +"I will take my coffee in the little room; is it not so, Mevrouw?" + +Vrouw Van Heigen nodded; she did not know what else to do, and Julia +went away, leaving them as awkward and at a loss for words as if they +were the delinquents, not she. Denah felt this and resented it; the +elders felt it too, and for a moment or two looked at one another ill +at ease. However, in a little they recovered and began to talk over +Julia and her wrong doings till they felt quite comfortable again. +Denah did not join very much in the discussion; after she had once +again, by request, repeated what she had seen and what deduced +therefrom, she was left rather to herself. She went to the window and +sat there looking out for Joost; he was certain to come in soon, and +she found consolation in the thought. Joost, the model of modesty and +decorous serious propriety, would know the English girl in her true +colours now, and be justly disgusted and shocked to think that he had +ever ridden beside her on a merry-go-round. + +Just then Julia passed carrying a tray of cups. "Denah," she said, +pitching her voice soft and low in the tone the Dutch girl hated most, +"I will give you a piece of advice; take care how you tell Joost about +my wickedness; you want to be ever so clever to abuse another girl to +a man; it is one of the most difficult things in the world--and you +are not very clever, you know, not even clever enough to take my +advice." + +Denah was not clever enough to take the advice nor in any humour to do +so; she stared angrily at Julia, who unconcernedly put the cups on the +table and vanished into the kitchen. + +Joost came in for coffee drinking, and the whole party with one accord +told him the tale; Julia heard them through the closed door as she sat +sipping her coffee in the little room. She did not hear him say +anything at all except just at first, "I won't believe it!" in a tone +which roused again, and with added strength, the regret she had felt +before for repaying belief and kindness by such disillusioning. +Afterwards he seemed to say nothing more; presumably they had +convinced him with overwhelming evidence. She wondered how he looked; +she could picture his serious blue eyes uncomfortable well; poor +Joost, who had such high opinions of her, who thought she, seeing the +low, chose the high path always in the greatness of her knowledge and +strength; who had called her a lantern, sometimes dimmed, but always a +beacon! The lantern was obscured just now, very badly obscured. She +rose and went up to her room; she would clear the table after Joost +had gone back to work. + +She did so, coming down when he and Mijnheer were safely in the +office. When she had done she went to Mevrouw, who had betaken herself +to her room worn out by the morning's excitement. + +"Would you prefer that I went at once?" she inquired, "or that I +waited till after dinner? I will stay till six if you wish it, or I +will go now without waiting to attend to the dinner." + +Vrouw Van Heigen preferred the waiting; it would be so very much +better for the dinner, and really it hardly seemed as if propriety +could suffer much; accordingly she said with what dignity she could +that the girl had better stay till the evening. + +Julia went down-stairs again and set to work preparing the dinner, and +it was perhaps only natural that she took pains to make that dinner a +memorably good one. It was while she was busy in the kitchen that a +note was brought to her. + +"Put it on the table," she said to the servant girl; her hands just +then were too floury to take it, but she looked at it as it lay on the +table beside her. She did not recognise the writing, though she saw at +once that it was not that of a Dutchman. "Who brought it?" she asked, +beginning to clean her hands. + +The servant could not say, but from her description Julia gathered +that it must have been a special messenger of some sort. On hearing +this, she did not trouble to clean her hands any more, but opened the +letter at once, making floury finger-prints upon it. + + "DEAR MISS POLKINGTON, (it ran), + + "There is one subject I did not mention to you yesterday; + you might perhaps have thought it too serious for holiday + consideration; nevertheless, it is a question that I feel I + must ask before I leave Holland. Will you do me the honour + of becoming my wife? I know there is rather a difference in + years between us, but if you can overlook the discrepancy, + and consent, you will give me the utmost satisfaction. I + honestly believe it will make for the happiness of us both; + I have a feeling that we were meant to continue our + 'excursion' together. + + "Very sincerely yours, + + "H. F. RAWSON-CLEW." + +So Julia read, and sat down suddenly on the flour barrel. She turned +to the beginning of the letter and read it through again, and when she +looked up her eyes were shining with admiration. "I am glad!" she said +aloud, but in English, "I am glad he has done it! It's splendid, +splendid! I never thought of it--but then I don't believe I knew what +a real gentleman was before!" + +The maidservant started at her curiously; she could not understand a +word, but she saw that the letter gave pleasure, for which she was +glad; she liked Julia, and was very sorry she was going in disgrace; +she herself had occasional lapses from rectitude and so consequently +had a fellow feeling. + +"You have a good letter?" she asked. + +"Very good," Julia said; "but we must get on with the cooking; I will +answer it by and by." + +Julia put it in her pocket after another glance, purring to herself in +English, "It is so well done, too," she said; "never a word of to-day, +only of yesterday--yesterday!" and she laughed softly. + +There is no doubt about it, if Julia had got to receive a death +sentence she would have liked it to be well given; it is quite +possible, had she lived at the time, she would have been one of those +who objected to the indignity of riding in the tumbrils quite as much +as to the guillotine at the end of the ride. + +She finished the preparations for dinner, got her pots and pans all +nicely simmering and her oven at the right heat; then, giving some +necessary directions, she left the servant to watch the cooking and +went up to her own room. There she at once proceeded to answer the +letter-- + + "DEAR MR. RAWSON-CLEW, (she wrote), + + "I am as glad as anything that you have done it; I never for + a moment thought of it myself, though I ought, for it is + just like you; thank you ever so much. + + "Please don't bother about me, I am all right and have + arranged capitally." + + Here she turned over his letter to see how he had signed + himself and, seeing, signed in imitation-- + + "Yours very sincerely, + + "JULIA POLKINGTON." + +"I wonder what his name is?" she speculated; "H. F.--H.--Henry, +Horace--I shouldn't think he had a name people called him by." + +She read her own letter through, and as she was folding it stopped; it +occurred to her that he might think courtesy demanded a formal refusal +of his proposal. It was, of course, quite unnecessary; the refusal +went without saying; she would no more have dreamed of accepting his +quixotic offer than he would have dreamed of avoiding the necessity of +making it; the one was as much a _sine qua non_ to her as the other +was to him. From which it would appear that in some ways at least +their notions of honour were not so many miles apart. + +She flattened her letter again; perhaps he would think the definite +word more polite, so she added a postscript-- + + "Of course this means no. I am sorry we can't go on with the + excursion, but we can't, you know. The holiday is over; this + is 'to-morrow,' so good-bye." + +After that she fastened the envelope, and a while later went out to +post it. As she went up the drive she caught sight of Joost some +distance away in the gardens; his face was not towards her, and she +congratulated herself that he had not seen her. However, the +congratulations were premature; when she came back from the post she +found him standing just inside the gate waiting for her, obviously +waiting. At least it was obvious to her; she had caught people herself +before now, and so recognised that she was caught too plainly to +uselessly attempt getting away. + +"Do you want to hear what happened yesterday?" she asked, with an +effrontery she did not feel. "I expect Denah has told you all, perhaps +a little more than all, still, enough of it was true." + +"I want to speak to you," he said, and parted the high bushes that +bordered the left of the drive. + +Julia reluctantly enough, but feeling that she owed him what +explanation was possible, went through. Behind the bushes there was a +small enclosed space used for growing choice bulbs; it was empty now, +the sandy soil quite bare and dry; but it was very retired, being +surrounded by an eight foot hedge with only one opening besides the +way by which they had come in through the looser-growing bushes. Julia +made her way down to the opening; with her practical eye for such +things, she recognised that it would be the best way of escape, just +as the loose-growing bushes offered the likeliest point of attack. +This, of course, did not matter to her, she being in the case of "he +who is down," but it might matter a good deal to Joost if his father +looked through the bushes, and he would never know how to take care of +himself. + +"Well?" she said, when she had taken up this discreet position. But as +he did not seem ready she went on, "I really don't think there is +anything to say; I did wrong yesterday, not quite as much wrong as +your mother and Denah think, still wrong--what my own people would +have disapproved, at least if it were found out; that's the biggest +crime on their list--and what I knew your people would condemn +utterly. I am afraid I have no excuse to offer; I knew what I was +doing, and I did it with my eyes open. I did not see any harm in it +myself but I knew other people would, so I meant to say nothing. I had +deceived your parents before, and I meant to keep on doing it. You +know I had walked with that man lots of times before yesterday; all +the time your mother thought me so good to visit your cousin I really +enjoyed doing it because I walked with him." + +"Do you love him?" The question was asked low and almost jerkily. + +"Love him?" Julia said in surprise; "no, of course not. That is where +the difference comes in, I believe; you all seem to think there is +nothing but love and love-making and kissing and cuddling. I have just +liked talking to him and I suppose he liked talking to me, as you +might some friend, or Denah some girl she knew. We never thought about +love and all that; we couldn't, you know; he belongs to a different +lot from what I do. Do you understand?" + +"Yes, I understand," he answered, and there was a vibrant note in his +voice which was new to her. "I understand that it is you who are right +and we who are wrong--you who know good and evil and can choose, we +who suspect and think and hint, believing ill when there is none. +Rather than send you away, we should ask your forgiveness!" + +"You should do nothing of the kind," Julia said decidedly, beginning +to take alarm. "I may not have been wrong in quite the way your +parents think, but I was wrong all the same. I am not good, believe +me; I am not as you are. Look at me, I am bad inwardly, and really I +am what you would condemn and despise." + +She was standing in the afternoon sunlight, dark, slim, alert, +intensely alive, full of a twisty varied knowledge, a creature of +another world. She felt that he must know and recognise the gulf +between if only he would look fairly at her. + +He did look fairly, but he recognised only what was in his own mind. + +"You are to me a beacon--" he began. + +But she, realising at last that Denah's jealousy was not after all +without foundations, cut him short. + +"I am not a beacon," she said, "before you take me for a guiding light +you had better hear something about me. Do you know why I came here? I +will tell you--it was to get your blue daffodil!" + +He stared at her speechless, and she found it bad to see the surprise +and almost uncomprehending pain which came into his face, as into the +face of a child unjustly smitten. But she went on resolutely: "I heard +of it in England, that it was worth a lot of money--and I wanted +money--so I came here; I meant to get a bulb and sell it." + +"You meant to?" he said slowly; "but you haven't--you couldn't?" + +"I could, six times over if I liked." + +"But you have not." + +"No. I was a fool, and you were--Oh, I can't explain; you would never +understand, and it does not matter. The thing that matters is that I +came here to get your blue daffodil." + +"You must have needed money very greatly," he said in a puzzled, +pitying voice. + +"I did, I wanted it desperately, but that does not matter either--I +came here to steal; I go away because I am found out to have deceived +and to have behaved improperly--I want you to understand that." + +"I do not understand," he answered; "I understand nothing but that you +are you, and--and I love you." + +"You don't!" she cried in sharp protest. "You do not, and you cannot! +You think you love what you think I am. But I am not that; it is all +quite different; when you, know, when you realise, you will see it." + +"I realise now," he answered; "it is still the light, only sometimes +dim." + +"Dim!" she repeated, "it has gone out!" + +"And if it has, what then? If you are all you say you are, and all +they say you are, and many worse things besides, what then? It makes +no difference." + +He spoke with the curious quietness with which he always spoke of what +he was quite sure. But she drew back against the hedge, clasping her +hands together, her calmness all gone. "Oh, what have I done! What +have I done!" she said, overcome with pity and remorse. + +He drew a step nearer, misinterpreting the emotion. "I will take care +of you," he said. "Will you not let me take care of you?" + +She looked up, and though her eyes were full of tears he might have +read his answer there, in her recovered calmness, in the very +gentleness of her manner. "You cannot," she said sadly; "you couldn't +possibly do it. Don't you see that it is impossible? Your parents, the +people--" + +"That is of no importance," he answered; "my parents would very soon +see you in your true light, and for the rest--what does it matter? If +you will marry me I--" + +"But Joost, I can't! Don't you feel yourself that I can't? We are not +only of two nations--that is nothing--but we are almost of two races; +we are night and day, oil and water, black and white. It would never +do; we should be on the outskirts of each other's lives, you would +never know mine, and though I might know yours, I could never really +enter in." + +"That is nothing," he said, "if you love." + +"It is everything," she answered, "if two people do not talk the same +language, soul language, I mean." + +"They will learn it if they love--but you do not? Is it that, tell me. +Ah, yes, you do, a little, little bit! Only a little, so that you +hardly know it, but it is enough--if you have the least to give that +would do; I would do all the rest; I would love you; I would stand +between you and the whole world; in time it would come, in time you +would care!" + +He had come close to her now; in his eagerness he pressed against her, +and, earnestness overcoming diffidence, he almost ventured to take her +hand in his. She felt herself inwardly shrink from him with the +repulsion that young wild animals feel at times for mere contact. But +outwardly she did not betray it; pity for him kept nature under +control. + +"I cannot," she said very gently; "I can never care." + +Then he knew that he had his answer, and there was no appeal; he drew +back a pace, and because he never said one word of regret, or +reproach, or pleading, her heart smote her. + +"I am so sorry!" she said; "I am so sorry. Oh, why is everything so +hard! Joost, dear Joost, you must not mind; I am not half good enough +for you; I'm not, indeed. Please forget me and--let me go." + +And with that she turned and fled into the house. + +The maidservant in the kitchen was minding the pots; it still wanted +some while to dinner time; she did not expect the English miss would +come yet, probably not till it was necessary to dish up. The letter, +of course, would have occupied her some time; she had gone out +probably to meet the writer--the maid never for a moment doubted him +to be the sharer of yesterday's escapade. She heard Julia come in, and +judged the meeting to have been a pleasant one, as it had taken time. +She had gone up-stairs now, doubtless to pack her things; that would +occupy her till almost dinner time. + +It did, for she did not begin directly, but sat on her bed instead, +doing nothing for a time. But when she did begin, she went to work +methodically, folding garments with care and packing them neatly; her +heart ached for Joost and for the tangle things were in, but that did +not prevent her attending to details when she once set to work. At +last she had everything done, even her hat and coat ready to put on +when dinner should be over. Then, after a final glance round to see +that she had left nothing but the charred fragments of Rawson-Clew's +letter, she went down-stairs and got the dinner ready. + +She did not take her meal with the family, but again had it in the +little room. She brought the dishes to and fro from the kitchen, +however, so she passed close to Joost once or twice and saw his grave +face and serious blue eyes, as she had seen them every day since her +first coming. And when she looked at him, and saw him, his appearance, +his small mannerisms, himself in fact, a voice inside her cried down +the aching pity, saying, "I could not do it, I could not do it!" But +when she was alone in the little room with the door shut between, the +pity grew strong again till it almost welled up in tears. Poor Joost! +Poor humble, earnest, unselfish Joost! That he should care so, that he +should have set his hopes on her, his star--a will-o'-wisp of devious +ways! That he should ache for this unworthy cause, and for it shut his +eyes to the homely happiness which might have been his! + +She rose quickly and went up-stairs to get her hat and jacket. Soon +after, the carriage, which she had extravagantly ordered, came, and +she called the servant to help her down with her luggage. They got it +down the narrow staircase between them and into the hall; Julia +glanced back at the white marble kitchen for the last time, and at the +dim little sitting-room. Vrouw Van Heigen was there, very much +absorbed in crochet; but she had left the door ajar so that she might +know when Julia went, and that must have occupied a prominent place in +her mind, for she made a mistake at every other stitch. + +"Good-bye, Mevrouw," Julia said. + +Vrouw Van Heigen grunted; she remembered what was due to herself and +propriety. + +"And, oh," Julia looked back to say as she remembered it, "don't +forget that last lot of peach-brandy we made, it was not properly tied +down; you ought to look at the covers some time this week." + +"Ah, yes," said the old lady, forgetting propriety, "thank you, thank +you, I'll see to it; it will never do to have that go; such fine +peaches too." + +Then Julia went out and got into the carriage. Mijnheer was in his +office; he did not think it quite right to come to see her start +either; all the same he came to the door to tell the driver to be +careful not to go on the grass. Joost came also and looked over his +father's shoulder, and Julia, who had been amused at Vrouw Van Heigen, +suddenly forgot this little amusement again. + +Joost left his father. "I will tell the man," he said. "I will go +after him too and shut the gate; it grows late for it to be open." + +The carriage had already started, and he had to hurry after it; even +then he did not catch it up till it was past the bend of the drive. +Then the man saw him and pulled up, though it is doubtful if he got +any order or, indeed, any word. Julia had been looking back, but from +the other side; and because she had been looking back and remembering +much happiness and simplicity here, she was so grieved for one at +least who dwelt here that her eyes were full of tears. + +Joost saw them when, on the stopping of the carriage, she turned. "Do +not weep," he said; "you must not weep for me." + +"I am so sorry," she said; "so dreadfully sorry!" + +"But you must not be," he told her; "there is no need." + +"There is every need; you have been so kind to me, so good; you have +almost taught me--though you don't know it--some goodness too, and in +return I have brought you nothing but sadness." + +"Ah, yes, sadness," he said; "but gladness too, and the gladness is +more than the sadness. Would you not sooner know the fine even though +you cannot attain to it, than be content with the little all your +life? I would, and it is that which you have given me. It is I who +give nothing--" + +He hesitated as if for a moment at a loss, and she had no words to +fill in the pause. + +"Will you take this?" he said, half thrusting something forward. "It +is, perhaps, not much to some, but I would like you to have it; it +seems fitting; I think I owe it to you, and you to it." + +"Oh, yes, yes," she murmured, hardly hearing and not grasping the last +words; there was something choking in her throat; it was this strange, +humble, disinterested love, so new to her, which brought it there and +prevented her from understanding. + +She stretched out her hands, and he put something into them; then he +stepped back, and the carriage drove on. It was not till the gateway +was passed that she realised what it was she held--a small bag made +of the greyish-brown paper used on a bulb farm; inside, a single bulb; +and outside, written, according to the invariable custom of growers-- + + "Narcissus Triandrus Azureum Vrouw Van Heigen." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +A REPRIEVE + + +Rawson-Clew was reading a letter. It was breakfast time; the letter +had missed the afternoon post yesterday, which was what the writer +would have wished, and so was not delivered at the hotel till the +morning. It was short, from the beginning--"I am so glad you have done +it," to the end of the postscript--"this is to-morrow, so good-bye." +There was not much to read; yet he looked at it for some time. Did +ever man receive such a refusal to an offer of marriage? It was almost +absurd, and perhaps hardly flattering, yet somehow characteristic of +the writer; Rawson-Clew recognised that now, though it had surprised +him none the less. What was to be done next? See the girl, he +supposed, and hear what she proposed to do; she wrote that she had +arranged "capitally," but she did not say what. He was quite certain +she was not going to remain with the Van Heigens; if by some +extraordinary accident she had been able to bring that about, she +would certainly have told him so triumphantly. He could not think of +anything "capital" she could have arranged; he was persuaded, either +that she only said it to reassure him, or else, if she believed it, it +was in her ignorance of the extent of the damage done yesterday. He +must go and see her, hear what she had planned, and what further +trouble she was thinking to get herself into, and prevent it in the +only way possible; and there was only one way, there was absolutely +no other solution of the difficulty; she must marry him, and there was +an end of it. He glanced at her refusal again, and liked it in spite +of its absurdity; after all, perhaps it would have been better if he +had been frank too; one could afford to dispense with the delicate +conventions that he associated with women in dealing with this girl. +He wished he had gone to her and spoken freely, as man to man, saying +plainly that since they had together been indiscreet, they must +together take the consequence, and make the best of it--and really the +best might be very good. + +Soon after he had finished breakfast he set out for the Van Heigens' +house. But as yet, though he had some comprehension of Julia, he had +not fully realised the promptness of action which necessity had taught +her. When he reached the Van Heigens' she had been gone some sixteen +hours. + +It was Vrouw Van Heigen who told him; she was in the veranda when he +arrived, and so, perforce, saw him and answered his inquiries. It was +evident, at the outset, that neither his appearance nor name conveyed +anything to her; she had not seen him the day of the excursion, and +Denah's description, purposely complicated by a cross description of +Julia's, had conveyed nothing, and his name had never transpired. He +saw he was unknown, and recognised Julia's loyal screening of him, not +with any satisfaction; evidently it was part of her creed to stand +between a man (father or otherwise) and the consequence of his acts. +That was an additional reason for finding her and explaining that he, +unlike Captain Polkington, was not used to anything of the sort. + +"She has gone?" he said, in answer to Vrouw Van Heigen's brief +information. The old lady was decidedly nervous of the impressive +Englishman who had come asking after her disgraced companion; she +moved her fat hands uneasily even before he asked, "Where has she +gone? Perhaps you would be kind enough to give me her address?" + +"I cannot," she was obliged to say; "I have not it. I do not know +where she is." + +Rawson-Clew stared. "But surely," he said, "you are mistaken? She was +here yesterday." + +"Yes, yes; I know. But she is not here now; she went last night in +haste. I will tell you about it. You are a friend? Come in." + +Without waiting, she led him into the drawing-room, and there left him +in some haste. The room struck him as familiar; he wondered why, until +he remembered that it must have been Julia's description which made +him so well acquainted with it. It was all just as she described; the +thick, dark-coloured carpet, with the little carefully-bound strips of +the same material laid over it to make paths to the piano, the stove, +and other frequented spots. The highly-polished furniture, upholstered +in black and yellow Utrecht velvet, the priceless Chinese porcelain +brought home by old Dutch merchants, and handed down from mother to +daughter for generations; the antimacassars of crochet work, the +snuff-coloured wall-paper, the wonderful painted tiles framed in ebony +that hung upon it. It was all just as she had said; the very light and +smell seemed familiar, she must somehow have given him an idea of them +too. + +Just then Vrouw Van Heigen came back, and her husband with her; she +had been to fetch him, not feeling equal to dealing with the visitor +alone. Mijnheer, by her request, had put on his best coat, but he +still had his spectacles pushed upon his forehead, as they always were +when he was disturbed in the office. + +There was a formal greeting--one never dispensed with that in Holland, +then Mijnheer said, "You are, I suppose, a friend of Miss Polkington's +father?" + +Rawson-Clew, remembering the winter day at Marbridge, answered, "I am +acquainted with him." + +Mijnheer nodded. "Yes, yes," he said; then, "it is very sad, and much +to be regretted. I cannot but give to you, and through you to her +father, very bad news of Miss Polkington. She is not what we thought +her; she has disgraced--" + +But here Rawson-Clew interrupted, but in the quiet, leisurely way +which was so incomprehensible to the Hollanders. "My dear sir," he +said, "please spare yourself the trouble of these details; I am the +man with whom Miss Polkington had the misfortune to be lost on the +Dunes." + +Vrouw Van Heigen gasped; the gentle, drawling voice, the manner, the +whole air of the speaker overwhelmed her, and shattered all her +previous thoughts of the affair. With Mijnheer it was different; right +was right, and wrong wrong to him, no matter who the persons concerned +might be. + +"Then, sir," he said, growing somewhat red, "I am glad indeed that I +cannot tell you where she is." + +Rawson-Clew looked up with faint admiration, righteous indignation, or +at all events the open expression of it, was a discourtesy practically +extinct with the people among whom he usually lived. He felt respect +for the old bulb grower who would be guilty of it. + +"I am sorry you should think so badly of me," he said; "I can only +assure you that it is without reason. You do not believe me? I suppose +it is quite useless for me to say that my sole motive in seeking Miss +Polkington is a desire to prevent her from coming to any harm?" + +"She will, I should think, come to less harm without you than with +you," Mijnheer retorted; and Rawson-Clew, seeing as plainly as Julia +had yesterday, the impossibility of making the position clear, did not +attempt it. + +"I hope you may be right," he said, "but I am afraid she will be in +difficulties. She had little money, and no friends in Holland, and +was, I have reason to believe, on such terms with her family that it +would not suit her to return to England." + +"Ah, but she must have gone to England!" Vrouw Van Heigen cried. "She +went away in a carriage as one does when one goes to the station to +start on a journey." + +"She received letters from her family," Mijnheer said sturdily, "not +frequently, but occasionally; there was not, I think, any quarrel or +disagreement. She must certainly have set out to return home last +night. If not, and if she had nowhere to go, why should she leave as +she did yesterday? We did not say 'go!' we were content that she +should remain several days, until her arrangements could be made." + +"She might not have cared for that," Rawson-Clew suggested; "if you +insinuated to her the sort of things you did to me; women do not like +that, as a rule, you know." + +All the same, as he said this, he could not help thinking Mijnheer +right; Julia must have had somewhere to go. Her dignity and feelings +were not of the order to lose sight of essentials in details, or to +demand unreasonable sacrifice of common sense. She must have had some +destination in view when she left the Van Heigens yesterday, and, as +far as he could see, there was no destination open to her but home. + +Mijnheer was firmly of this opinion, although, now that a question +about it had been suggested to him, he wished he had made sure before +the girl left. Of course, her plans and destination were no business +of his--she might even have refused to give information about them on +that account; he had dismissed her in disgrace, what she did next was +not his concern. But in spite of her bad behaviour he had liked her; +and though his notions of propriety, and consequent condemnation of +her, had undergone no change, he was kind-heartedly anxious she should +come to no harm. Her words about some good people making the merely +indiscreet into sinners came back to him, but he would not apply them; +Julia had gone home, he was sure of it, and a good thing too; the +Englishman with the quiet voice and the grand manner could not follow +her there to her detriment. Though, to be sure, it was strange that +such a man as he should want to; he was not the kind of person +Mijnheer had expected the partner in the escapade to be; truly the +English were a strange people, very strange. His wife agreed with him +on that point; they often said so afterwards--in fact, whenever they +thought of the disgraced companion, who was such an excellent cook. + +As for Rawson-Clew, he returned to England; there was nothing to keep +him longer in Holland. But as he was still not sure how Julia's +"capital arrangement" was going to be worked out, and was determined +to bear his share of the burden, he decided to go to Marbridge on an +early opportunity. + +The opportunity did not occur quite so soon as he expected; several +things intervened, so that he had been home more than a week before he +was able to fulfil his intention. Marbridge lies in the west country, +some considerable distance from London; Rawson-Clew did not reach it +till the afternoon, at an hour devoted by the Polkingtons most +exclusively to things social. It is to be feared, however, that he did +not consider the Polkingtons collectively at all; it was Julia, and +Julia alone, of whom he was thinking when he knocked at the door of +No. 27 East Street. + +The door was opened by a different sort of servant from the one who +had opened it to him the last time he came; rather a smart-looking +girl she was, with her answers quite ready. + +"Miss Julia Polkington was not at home," she said, and, in answer to +his inquiry when she was expected, informed him that she did not know. + +"There is no talk of her coming home, sir," she said; "she is abroad, +I think; she has been gone some time." + +"Since when?" + +The girl did not know. "In the spring, I think, sir," she said; "she +has not been here all the summer." + +Then, it seemed, his first suspicion was correct; Julia had not gone +home; for some reason or another she was not able to return. + +"Is Captain Polkington in?" he asked. + +He was not; there was no one at home now; but Mrs. Polkington would be +in in about an hour. The maid added the last, feeling sure her +mistress would be sorry to let such a visitor slip. + +But Rawson-Clew did not want to see Mrs. Polkington; she, he was +nearly sure, represented the aspiring side of the family, not the one +to whom Julia would turn in straits. The improved look of the house +and the servant suggested that the family was hard at work aspiring +just now, and so less likely than ever to be ready to welcome the +girl, or anxious to give true news of her if they had any to give. +Captain Polkington, who no one could connect with the ascent of the +social ladder, might possibly know something; at all events, there +was a better chance of it, and he certainly could very easily be made +to tell anything he did know. + +"When do you expect Captain Polkington home?" he asked. + +"Not for a month or more, I believe, sir," was the answer; "he is in +London just now." + +Rawson-Clew asked for his address; it occurred to him that Julia might +have gone to her father; it really seemed very probable. He got the +address in full, and went away, but without leaving any name to puzzle +and tantalise Mrs. Polkington. Of course she was puzzled and +tantalised when the maid told her of the visitor. From past +experience, she expected something unpleasant of his coming, even +though the description sounded favourable; but, as she heard no more +of it, she forgot all about him in the course of time. + +It was on the next afternoon that Rawson-Clew drove to 31 Berwick +Street. There are several Berwick Streets in London, and, though the +address given was full enough for the postal authorities, the cabman +had some difficulty in finding it, and went wrong before he went +right. It was a dingy street, and not very long; it had an +unimportant, apologetic sort of air, as if it were quite used to being +overlooked. The houses were oldish, and very narrow, so that a good +many were packed into the short length; the pavement was narrow, too, +and so were the windows; they, for the most part, were carefully +draped with curtains of doubtful hue. Some were further guarded from +prying eyes by sort of gridirons, politely called balconies, though, +since the platform had been forgotten, and only the protecting +railings were there hard up against the glass, the name was deceptive. + +The hansom came slowly down the street, the driver scanning the +frequent doors for 31. He overlooked it by reason of the fact that the +number had been rubbed off, but finally located it by discovering most +of the numbers above and below. Rawson-Clew got out and rang. In +course of time--rather a long time--the door was opened to him by the +landlady--that same landlady who had confided to Mr. Gillat the +desirability of having a good standing with the butcher. + +"Cap'ain Polkington?" she said, in answer to Rawson-Clew's inquiry. "I +don't know whether he's in or not; you'd better go up and see; one of +'em's there, anyhow." + +She stood back against the wall, and Rawson-Clew came in. + +"Up-stairs," she said; "second door you come to." + +With that she went down to the kitchen regions; she was no respecter +of persons, and she thanked God she had plenty of her own business to +mind, and never troubled herself poking into other people's. +Consequently, though she might wonder what a man of Rawson-Clew's +appearance should want with her lodgers, she did not let it interfere +with her work, or take the edge off her tongue in the heated argument +she held with the milkman, who came directly after. + +Rawson-Clew found his way up the stairs; they were steep, and had +rather the appearance of having been omitted in the original plan of +the house, and squeezed in as an afterthought, when it was found +really impossible to do without. There was no window to give light to +them, or air either; hence, no doubt, the antiquity of the flavour of +cabbage and fried bacon with hung about them. But Rawson-Clew, when he +ascended, found the second door without trouble; there was not room to +get lost. He knocked; he half expected to hear Julia's voice; it +seemed to him probable that she was the person referred to as "one of +them." But it was a man who bade him enter, and, unless his memory +played him false, not Captain Polkington. + +It was not the Captain, it was Johnny Gillat. He was reading the +newspaper--Captain Polkington had it in the morning, he in the +afternoon; he wore, or attempted to (they fell off rather often), very +old slippers indeed, and a coat of surprising shabbiness which he +reserved for home use. For a moment he stared at his visitor in +astonishment, and Rawson-Clew apologised for his intrusion. "I was +looking for Captain Polkington," he said. "I was told he was probably +here." + +"Ah!" Mr. Gillat exclaimed, his face lighting into a smile. "Of +course, of course! Captain Polkington's out just now, but he'll be in +soon. Come in, won't you; come in and wait for him." + +He hospitably dragged forward the shabby easy-chair. "Try that, won't +you?" he said. "It's really comfortable--not that one, that's a little +weak in the legs; it ought to be put away; it's deceptive to people +who don't know it." + +He pushed the offending chair against the wall, his slippers flapping +on his feet, so that he thought it less noticeable to surreptitiously +kick them off. "My name's Gillat," he went on. "Captain Polkington is +an old friend of mine." + +"Mr. Gillat?" Rawson-Clew said. He remembered the name, and something +Julia had said about the bearer of it. It was he who had given her the +big gold watch she wore, and he of whom she had seemed fond, in a +half-protecting, half-patient way, that was rather inexplicable--at +least it was till he saw Mr. Gillat. + +"Perhaps," Rawson-Clew said, "you can tell me what I want to know--it +is about Miss Julia Polkington. I met her in Holland during the +summer." + +He may have thought of giving some idea of intimacy, or of explaining +his interest; but, if so, he changed his mind; anything of the kind +was perfectly unnecessary to Mr. Gillat, who did not dream of +questioning his reason. + +"Ah, yes," he said; "Julia is in Holland; she has been there a long +time." + +"Is she there still?" Rawson-Clew asked. "Can you give me her +address?" + +"Well," Johnny said regretfully, "not exactly. But she is abroad +somewhere," the last with an increase of cheerfulness, as if to +indicate that this was something, at all events. + +"You don't know where she is?" Rawson-Clew inquired. "Does her father? +I suppose he does--some one must." + +"No," Johnny said. "No; I'm afraid not. Certainly her father does not, +nor her mother--none of us know; but, as you say, somebody must +know--the people she is with, for instance." + +Rawson-Clew grew a little impatient. "Do you mean," he said, "that her +family are content to know nothing of her whereabouts? Have they taken +no steps to find her?" + +"Well, you see," Johnny answered slowly, "there aren't any steps to +take. They don't want to find her; she is quite well and happy, no +doubt, and she will come back when she is ready. Mrs. Polkington--do +you know Mrs. Polkington? A wonderful woman! She is very busy just +now, she is shining. Miss Cherie is quite a belle. They really have +not--have not accommodation for Julia; it is not, of course, that they +don't want her--they have not exactly room for her." + +"But surely they want to know where she is?" Rawson-Clew persisted. + +"No, they don't," Johnny told him. "They know she is all right; she +told them so, and told them she did not want to be found. They are +satisfied--" He broke off, feeling that the visitor was more +astonished than admiring of such a state of affairs. "Family emotions +and sentiments, you know," he explained in defence of this family, +"are not every one's strong point; the social, or the religious, or--" +(he waved his hand comprehendingly) "or the national may stand first, +and why not?" + +"Are you satisfied?" Rawson-Clew asked briefly. + +"I'd sooner be able to see her," Johnny admitted. "I'm fond of her; +yes, she's been very kind and good; I miss seeing her. But, of course, +she has her way to make in the world." + +"But are you satisfied that she should make it thus? That she should +leave the Dutch family she was with and disappear, leaving no +address?" + +"Sir," Johnny said with dignity, "I am quite satisfied, and if any one +says that he is not, I would be pleased to talk to him." + +But the dignity left Mr. Gillat's manner as quickly as it came; before +Rawson-Clew could say anything, he was apologising. "You must forgive +me," he said; "I am very fond of that little girl; and I thought--but +I had no business to think; I'm an old fool, to think you meant--" + +"I only meant," Rawson-Clew said, speaking with unconscious +gentleness, "that I was afraid she might be in difficulties. She may +be in trouble about money, or something." + +"Oh, no," Johnny said cheerfully; "she has a fine head for money +matters. I have sometimes thought, since she has been gone, that she +has the best head in the family! She's all right--quite right; there's +no need to be uneasy about her. I'll show you the letter she wrote +me." + +He opened a shabby pocket-book, and took out a letter. "There, you +read that," he said. + +Rawson-Clew read, and at the end was little wiser. Julia said she had +left one situation (reason not even suggested), and had got another. +That she did not wish to give her new address, or to hear from Mr. +Gillat, or her family, at this new place, as it might spoil her +arrangements. Rawson-Clew recognised the last word as a favourite of +Julia's; with her it was elastic, and could mean anything, from a +piece of lace arranged to fill up the neck of a dress, to a complex +and far-reaching scheme arranged to bring about some desired end. What +it meant in the present instance was not indicated, but clearly she +did not wish for interference, and, with some wisdom, took the surest +way to prevent it by making it well-nigh impossible. She had left one +means of communication, however, though apparently that was for Johnny +only. "If you and father get into any very great muddle," she wrote, +"you must let me know. Put an advertisement--one word, 'Johnny,' will +do--in a paper; I shall understand, and, if I can, I will try to do +something." A paper was suggested; it was a cheap weekly. Rawson-Clew +remembered to have seen it once in the small Dutch town that summer, +so it was to be got there. Unfortunately, as he also remembered, it +was to be got in Amsterdam and Rotterdam, and Paris and Berlin too. + +He folded the letter, and returned it to Mr. Gillat. "Thank you," he +said; "evidently, as you say, she does not wish to be found, and it +would seem she has got some sort of employment, although I am afraid +it cannot be of an easy or pleasant sort." + +He did not explain the reason he had for thinking so, and Mr. Gillat +never thought of asking. Soon after he went away. + +Clearly there was nothing to be done. Julia did not mean to have his +help and protection; and, with a decision and completeness which, now +he came to think of it, did not altogether surprise him, she has taken +care to avoid them. That absurd refusal of hers was, after all, a +reprieve, although until now he had not looked upon it in that light. +No doubt it was a good thing affairs had turned out as they had; the +marriage would have been in many ways disadvantageous. Yet he +certainly would have insisted on it, and taken trouble to do so, if +she had not put it altogether out of his power. All the same, he did +not feel as gratified as he ought, perhaps because the arrogance of +man is not pleased to have woman arbitrator of his fate, and the +instinct of gentleman is not satisfied to have her bear his burden, +perhaps for some other less clear reason. He really did not know +himself, and did not try to think; there seemed little object in doing +so, seeing that incident was closed. + +The next day he went north, and by accident travelled part of the way +with a lady of his acquaintance. She was young, not more than five or +six and twenty, nice looking too, and very well dressed. She had a lot +of small impediments with her--a cloak, a dressing-bag, sunshade, +umbrella, golf clubs--some one, no doubt, would come and clear her +when the destination was reached; in the mean time, she and her +belongings were an eminently feminine presence. She talked pleasantly +of what had happened since they last met; she had been to Baireuth +that summer, she told him, and spoke intelligently of the music, the +technique and the beauty of it, and what it stood for. She was +surprised to hear he had got no further than Holland, and more +surprised still that he had not even seen Rembrandt's masterpiece +while he was there. Her voice was smooth and even, a little loud, +perhaps, from her spending much time out of doors, not in the least +given to those subtle changes of tone which express what is not said; +but as she never wanted to express any such things, that did not +matter. + +She did not bore him with too much conversation; she had papers with +her--some three or four, and she glanced at them between whiles. +Afterwards she commented on their contents--the political situation, +the war (there is always a war somewhere), the cricket news, the new +books; touching lightly, but intelligently, on each topic in turn. + +Rawson-Clew listened and answered, polite and mildly interested. It +was some time since he had heard this agreeable kind of conversation, +and since he had come in contact with this agreeable kind of person. +He ought to have appreciated it more, as men appreciate the charm of +drawing-rooms who have long been banished from them. He came to the +conclusion that he must be growing old, not to prefer the society of a +pretty, agreeable and well-dressed woman to an empty railway carriage. + +The girl had two fine carnations in her coat; the stalks were rather +long, and so had got bruised. She regretted this, and Rawson-Clew +offered to cut them for her. He began to feel for a knife in likely +and unlikely pockets, and it was then that he first noticed a faint, +sweet smell; dry, not strong at all, more a memory than a scent. He +did not recognise what it was, nor from where it came, but it reminded +him of something, he could not think what. + +He puzzled over it as he cut the flower stalks, then all at once he +laid hold on the edge of a recollection--a pair of dark eyes, in which +mirthful, mocking lights flickered, as the sun splashes flicker on the +ground under trees--a voice, many-noted as a violin, that grew softest +when it was going to strike hardest, that expressed a hundred things +unsaid. + +He looked across at the owner of the carnations, and wondered by what +perversity of fate it was decreed that any one who could buy such good +boots, should have such ill-shaped feet to put into them; and why, if +fate so handicapped her, why she should exhibit them by crossing her +knees. He also wondered what possessed her to wear that hat; every +other well-dressed girl had a variation of the style that year, it was +the correctest of the correct for fashion, but he did not take note of +that. Men are rather blockheaded on the subject of fashion, and seldom +see the charm in the innately unbecoming and unsuitable, no matter +what decrees it. + +He looked back to the empty opposite corner, and, though until that +moment he had not really thought of Julia since he left Mr. Gillat +yesterday, he put her there in imagination now. He did not want her +there, he did not want her anywhere (there are some wines which a man +does not want, that still rather spoil his taste for others). She +would not have made the mistake of wearing such a hat; her clothes +were not new, they were distinctly shabby sometimes, but they were +well assorted. As to the boots--he remembered the day he tied her +shoe--he could imagine the man she married, if he were very young and +very foolish, of course, finding a certain pleasure in taking her +arched foot, when it was pink and bare, in the hollow of his hand. If +she were in that corner now, the quiet, twinkling smile would +certainly be on her face as she listened to the talk of books, and +men, and places, and things. He did not picture her joining even when +they spoke of things she knew, and places she had been to--he +remembered he had once heard her speak of a town which had been +spoken of this afternoon. She had somehow grasped the whole life of +the place, and laid it bare to him in a few words--the light-hearted +gaiety and the sordid misery, the black superstition and the towering +history which overhung it, and the cheerful commonplace which, like +the street cries and the gutter streams, ran through it all--the whole +flavour of the thing. The girl opposite had been to the place too; she +told him of the historic spots she had visited; she knew a deal more +about them than Julia did. She spoke of the quaint pottery to be +bought there--it had not struck Julia as quaint, any more than it did +its buyers and sellers. And she referred to the sayings and opinions +of a great pose writer, who had expressed all he knew and felt and +thought about it, and more besides. Julia, apparently, had not read +him--what reading she had done seemed to be more in the direction of +_Gil Blas_, and Dean Swift, and other kindred things in different +languages. + +The owner of the carnations glanced out of window, and commented on +the scenery, which was here rather fine--Julia would not have done +that; all the same, she would have known just what sort of country +they had passed through all the way, not only when it was fine; she +would have noticed the lie of the land, the style of work done there, +the kind of lives lived there, even, possibly, the likely difficulties +in the way of railway-making and bridge building. She would certainly +have taken account of the faces on the platforms at which they drew +up, so that without effort she could have picked out the porter who +would give the best service; the stranger in need of help, and he who +would offer it; and the guard most likely to be useful if it were +necessary to cheat the company--it was conceivable that cheating +companies might sometimes be necessary in her scheme of things. + +[Illustration: "Julia"] + +He cut another piece off the carnation stalks, they were still too +long. He did not wish Julia there; he fancied that it was likely she +would not easily find her place among the people he would meet at his +journey's end. But if there were no end--if he were going somewhere +else, east or west, north or south--say a certain old oriental town, +old and wicked as time itself, and full of the mystery and indefinable +charm of age, and iniquity, and transcendent beauty--she would like +that; she would grasp the whole, without attempting to express or +judge it. Or a little far-off Tyrolean village, remote as the +mountains from the life of the world--she would like that; the +discomfort would be nothing to her, the primitiveness, the simplicity, +everything. If he were going to some such place--why, then, there were +worse things than having to take the companion of the holiday too. + +He handed back the carnations, and then unthinkingly put his hand into +his coat-pocket. His fingers came in contact with some dry rubbish, +little more than stalks and dust, but still exhaling something of the +fragrance which had been sun distilled on the Dunes. He recognised it +now--Julia's flowers, put there in the wood, and forgotten until now. + +"Thanks so much for cutting them," said the girl with the carnations, +smelling them before she fastened them on again. "I really think they +are my favourite flower; the scent is so delicious--quite the nicest +flower of all, don't you think so?" + +"I'm not sure," Rawson-Clew said thoughtfully, and when he spoke +thoughtfully he drawled very much, "I'm not sure I don't sometimes +prefer wild thyme." + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THE YOUNG COOK + + +It was about ten o'clock on an October night; everything was intensely +quiet in the big kitchen where Julia stood. It was not a cheerful +place even in the day time, the windows looked north, and were very +high up; the walls and floor were alike of grey stone, which gave it a +prison-like aspect, and also took much scrubbing, as she had reason to +know. It was far too large a place to be warmed by the small stove now +used; Julia sometimes wondered if the big one that stood empty in its +place would have been sufficient to warm it. She glanced at it now, +but without interest; she was very tired, it was almost bed-time, and +she had done, as she had every day since she first joined Herr Van de +Greutz's household, a very good day's work. She had scarcely been +outside the four walls since she first came there on the day after the +holiday on the Dunes. This had been her own choice, for, unlike all +the cooks who had been before her, she had asked for no evenings out. +Marthe, the short-tempered housekeeper, had not troubled herself to +wonder why, she had been only too pleased to accept the arrangement +without comment. Apart from the self-chosen confinement, the life had +been hard enough; the work was hard, the service hard and ill-paid, +and both the other inmates of the house cross-grained, and difficult +to please. These things, however, Julia did not mind; discomfort never +mattered much to her when she had an end in view; in this case, too, +the end should more than repay the worst of her two task-masters. +Which was agreeable, and almost made his unpleasantness desirable, as +providing her intended act with a justification. + +She drew the coffee pot further on to the stove, and with a splinter +of wood stirred the fire. She had the kitchen to herself, old Marthe +had gone to bed; she liked going to bed early, with a glass of +something hot, and she had soon found that the young cook could be +trusted to finish the work down-stairs. It was her opinion that it is +as well to be comfortable when you can, as blessings are fleeting and +fickle, especially when they are cooks; so she indulged often both in +bed and the glass, notably the glass. She had not been able to go to +bed quite as early as she liked that day, for her master had a +visitor, and there had been some trouble after the dinner. It was +intended to be an hour later than usual to accommodate the visitor, +but the chemist had not mentioned the fact--he seldom troubled about +such trifles, expecting his household to divine his wishes +instinctively, and resenting their failure to do so with indignation +and some abuse. He did so to-day, and Marthe was consequently kept up +later than she had intended, though it was Julia who came in for most +of the reproof, and the trouble too; it was she who took away the +dinner and kept it hot, and presented it afresh when the time came in +as good condition as she could manage. There had to be a second omelet +made; the first would not stand an hour, and so was wasted, to the +indignation of Marthe. The chicken was a trifle dried by waiting, +which called down the wrath of Herr Van de Greutz. Julia had listened +to both of them with a meekness which was beautiful to see, albeit +perhaps a little suspicious in one of her nature. + +She glanced up at the clock now, then rose and fetched two thick white +coffee cups, and set them ready on a tray, and sat down again. She +wondered drowsily how long Herr Van de Greutz's visitor would stay. He +was a German, a very great scientist; the chemist looked upon him as a +friend and an equal, a brother in arms; they talked together freely in +the cryptic language of science, and in German, which is the tongue +best fitted to help out the other. Julia heard them when she went to +and from with the dishes at dinner time. She did not understand +chemistry, a fact she much regretted; had she known even half as much +as Rawson-Clew, the desired end would have been much sooner within +reach. It is a very great disadvantage to have only a very vague idea +what it is you want. But she did understand German very well, +consequently part of the chemists' conversation was quite intelligible +to her, though they did not know it. Herr Van de Greutz knew and cared +nothing about her; he was not even aware that she was English, though, +of course, old Marthe was. + +If the conversation had touched on the famous explosive at dinner +time, Julia would have known it; she was always on the watch for some +such occurrence. Unfortunately it had not, although, as she saw +plainly, the German was the sort of man with whom Van de Greutz would +discuss such things. She had still another chance of hearing +something; she would soon have to take the coffee into the laboratory; +they might be speaking of it then. She remembered once before Van de +Greutz had spoken of it to a scientific guest at such a time; she had +then heard some unenlightening technical details, which might have +been of some value to a chemist, but were of no use at all to her +ignorance. It was hard to come thus near, and yet be as far off as +ever, but such things are likely to occur when one is in pursuit of +anything, Julia knew that; she was prepared to wait, by and by she +would find out what it was she wanted, and then-- + +A bell rang peremptorily; she hastily poured the strong black coffee +into the two cups, and put a bottle of Schiedam on the tray. As she +did so she noticed that it was nearly empty, so she fetched another +full one, and added that to the tray. The bell did not ring again, +although getting the second bottle had hindered her, for by this time +the chemists had forgotten they wanted coffee. When she entered the +laboratory, Herr Van de Greutz had just taken a bottle from the lower +part of a cupboard near the door. Second shelf from the floor, five +bottles from the left-hand corner. Julia observed the place with +self-trained accuracy as she passed Herr Van de Greutz with the tray, +which she carried to the table far down the room. + +"This is it," Van de Greutz said; "a small quantity only, you see, but +the authorities have a ridiculous objection to one's keeping any large +one of explosive. Of course, I have more, in a stone house in my +garden; it is perhaps safer so, seeing its nature, and the fact that +one is always liable to small accidents in a laboratory." + +Julia put down the tray, but upset some of the coffee. Seeing that +excitement had not usually the effect of making her hand unsteady, it +is possible accident had not much to do with it. However, it happened; +she carefully wiped it up, and the two chemists, paying no more +attention to her than if she had been a cat, went on speaking of the +explosive. It was _the_ explosive; their talk told her that before she +had finished the wiping. + +"The formula I would give for it?" Van de Greutz was saying; as she +sopped up the last drops, he gave the formula. + +She lifted the full bottle of Schiedam from the tray, and carried it +away with her--in the hand farthest from the chemist's, certainly, but +with as little concealment as ostentation. Near the door she glanced +at the German, or rather, at what he held, the sample of the +explosive. It was a white powder in a wide-necked, stoppered bottle of +the size Julia herself called "quarter pint." The bottle was not more +than two-thirds full, and had no mark on it at all, except a small +piece of paper stuck to the side, and inscribed with the single letter +"A." This may have been done in accordance with some private system of +Herr Van de Greutz's, or it may have been for the sake of secrecy. The +reason did not matter; the most accurate name would have been no more +informing to Julia, but decidedly more inconvenient. + +She went out and shut the door quietly; then she literally fled back +to the kitchen with the Schiedam. Scarcely waiting to set it down, she +seized a slip of kitchen paper, and scribbled on it the string of +letters and figures that Herr Van de Greutz had given as the formula +of his explosive. She did not know what a formula was, nor in what +relation it stood to the chemical body, but from the talks she had +heard between the chemist and his friends, she guessed it to be +something important. Accordingly, when he said the formula, she was as +careful to remember it accurately as she was to remember the place of +the bottle on the shelf. Now she wrote it down just as he spoke it, +and, though perhaps not exactly as he would have written it, still +comprehensible. She pinned the piece of paper in the cuff of her +dress; it would not be found there if, by ill luck, she was caught and +searched later on. Next she went to the kitchen cupboard; there were +several wide-necked stoppered bottles there, doubtless without the +chemist's knowledge, but Marthe found them convenient for holding +spices, and ginger, and such things. She took the one nearest in shape +and size to the one which she had seen in the German's hand; emptied +out the contents, dusted it and put in ground rice till it was +two-thirds full. Then, with the lap-scissors, she trimmed a piece of +paper to the right size, wrote "A" upon it, and stuck it to the side +of the bottle with a dab of treacle--she had nothing else. She was +hastily wiping off the surplus stickiness when the bell rang again. +She finished what she was doing, and shrouded the bottle in a duster, +so that there was another summons before she could set out. She took +the Schiedam with her--of course it was that which was rung for, but +also the bottle in the duster. + +She did not hurry. "I'll give him time to put the explosive back," she +thought. It was just possible that it would be set on a bench, perhaps +in an awkward place, but from her knowledge of Van de Greutz's ways +she guessed not. It was also, of course, possible that the cupboard +where it was kept would be locked; in that case, nothing could be done +just now--annoying, but not desperate; ground rice will keep, and, +apparently, explosives too, so she reflected as she opened the +laboratory door. But the cupboard was not locked, and the bottle was +back in its place. Another from the shelf above had been taken out; +the chemists were discussing that as they sat smoking cigars at the +table far down the room, where the coffee cups stood. + +"More Schiedam!" Herr Van de Greutz said, throwing the words at Julia +over his shoulder. "Why did you bring an empty bottle?" + +"I am sorry, Mijnheer," Julia answered; "there was not much, I know; I +have brought more." + +She pushed the door to with her foot as she spoke, and with the hand +not carrying the spirit set down the duster and the bottle it held on +a chair. The German had put his coat over the chair earlier; it stood +in front of the cupboard, a little way from it. With the true rogue's +eye for cover, Julia noted the value of its position, and even +improved it by moving it a little to the left as she knocked against +it in passing. + +She brought the Schiedam to the table. "Shall I take the cups, +Mijnheer?" she asked. + +"Yes," Van de Greutz answered shortly, resenting the interruption, +"and go to the devil. As I was saying, it is very unstable." + +This was to the German, and did not concern Julia; she took the tray +of cups and went. But near the door there was an iron tripod lying on +the floor; she caught her foot in it, stumbled and fell headlong, +dropping tray and cups with a great clatter. + +There was a general exclamation of annoyance and anger from Van de +Greutz, of surprise and commiseration from the German, and of +something that might have been fright or pain from Julia. + +"You clumsy fool!" Van de Greutz cried. "Get out of here, and don't +let me see your face, or hear your trampling ass-hoofs again! Do you +hear me, I won't have you in here again!" + +The German was more sympathetic. "Have you hurt yourself?" he asked. + +"No, Mijnheer, nothing," Julia answered; "only a little--my knees and +elbows." Had she been playing Othello, though she might not have +blacked herself all over, it is certain she would have carried the +black a long way below high water mark. This was no painless stage +stumble, but one with real bruises and a real thud. + +The German had half risen; perhaps he thought of coming to help pick +up the pieces of broken cups that were scattered between the cupboard +and the chair. But he did not do so, for Herr Van de Greutz went on to +speak of his unstable compound. + +"I treated it with--" he said, and, seeing this was something very +daring, the other's attention was caught. + +Julia picked up the pieces alone, and carried them out on the tray, +and on the tray also she carried a bottle wrapped into a duster. It +was a wide-necked stoppered bottle, two-thirds full of white powder; +very much like the one she had brought in, but also very much like the +one that stood five from the end on the second shelf of the cupboard. + +Soon after that she went up to her room, and took the bottle with her. +Then, when she had set it in a place of safety, and securely locked +the door, she broke into a silent laugh of delighted amusement. She +pictured to herself Herr Van de Greutz's face when, in company with +some other chemist, he found the ground rice, while his cook with the +"ass-hoofs" carried the explosive to her native land. + +"What a thief I should make," was her own opinion of herself. "I +believe I could do as well as Grimm's 'Master Thief,' who stole the +parson and clerk." She took up the bottle and shook a little of the +contents into her hand; she had not the least idea how it was set off, +whether a blow, a fall, or heat would reveal its dangerous +characteristics. For a little she looked at it with curiosity and +satisfaction. But gradually the satisfaction faded; the excitement of +the chase was over, and the prize, now it was won, did not seem a +great thing. She set the bottle down rather distastefully, and turned +away. + +"He could not have got the stuff," she told herself defiantly--"he" +was Rawson-Clew--but the next moment, with the justice she dealt +herself, she admitted, "Because he would not get it this way; he is +not rogue enough; while as for me--I am a born rogue." + +She pushed open the window and looked out, although it was quite dark, +and the air pervaded with a cold, rank smell of wet vegetation. She +was thinking of the other piece of roguery which she had meant to +commit, and yet had not. She had the bulb, in spite of that; it was +safe among her clothes--hers by a free gift, hers absolutely, yet as +unable to be sold as the lock of a dead mother's hair. The debt of +honour could not be paid by that. From her heart she wished she had +not got the daffodil; she put it in the same category with Mr. +Gillat's watch, as one of the things which made her ashamed of herself +and of her life, even of this last act, and the very skill that had +made it easy. + +She took up the bottle again, and for a moment considered whether she +should give it back to Herr Van de Greutz--not personally, that would +hardly be safe; but she could post it from England after she left his +service. But she did not do so; Rawson-Clew stood in the way; it was +for him she had taken it, and her purpose in him still stood. He +wanted the explosive, it would be to his credit and honour to have it; +the government service to which he belonged would think highly of him +if he had it--if he received it anonymously, so that he could not tell +from whence it came, and they could not divide the credit of getting +it between him and another. He wanted it, and he had been good to her. +He had been kind when she was in trouble; he had not believed her when +she had called herself dishonest; he had treated her as an equal, in +spite of the affair at Marbridge, and he had asked her to marry him +when he thought she was compromised by the holiday in the Dunes. For a +moment her mind strayed from the point at issue, to that offer of +marriage. She remembered the exact wording of the letter as if she had +but just received it, and it pleased her afresh. She did not regret +that she had refused him; nothing else had been possible. She did not +want to marry him; albeit, when they had sat together under his coat, +she had not shrunk from contact with him as she had shrunk from Joost +when he had tried to take her hand--that was certainly strange. But +she was quite sure she did not want to marry him; now she came to +think about it, she could imagine that, were she a girl of his own +class, with the looks, training and knowledge that belonged, she might +have found him precisely the man she would have wanted to marry. + +She went to a drawer and took out an old handkerchief. She was not a +girl of that sort--deep down she felt inarticulately the old primitive +consciousness of inferiority and superiority, at once jealous and +contemptuous; marrying him and living always on his plane were alike +impossible to her, but she could give him the explosive. There was not +one girl among all those others who could have got it and given it to +him! + +She tore a piece from the handkerchief, and fastened it over the +stopper of the bottle; then she got out a hat trimmed with bows of +wide ribbon, and sewed the bottle into the centre bow. It presented +rather a bulgy appearance, but by a little pulling of the other +trimming it was hardly noticeable, and really nothing is too peculiar +to be worn on the head. After that she went to bed. + + * * * * * + +There was trouble in Herr Van de Greutz's kitchen the next day; the +young cook, who had behaved so admirably before, did what old Marthe +called "showing the cloven hoof." She was impertinent, she was idle; +she broke dishes, she wasted eggs, and she lighted a roaring fire in +the big stove, in spite of the strict economy of fuel which was one of +the first rules of the household. Finally she announced that she must +have a day's holiday. Marthe refused point blank, whereupon the cook +said she should take it, and a dispute ensued; Marthe called her +several names, and reminded her of the fact that she had no character, +and that she had confessed to being obliged to leave the Van Heigens +in haste. Julia retorted that that fact was known to the housekeeper +when she engaged her, and was the reason of the starvation wage +offered. Marthe then inquired what enormity it was that she had +committed at the Van Heigens', and intimated that it must be +disgraceful indeed for a person, pretending to be a lady-help, to be +thankful to accept the situation of cook. Julia's answer was scarcely +polite, and very well calculated to rouse the old woman further, and, +at the same time, she opened the door and skilfully worked herself and +her antagonist into the passage, and some way up it, raising her voice +so as to incite the other to raise hers. The result was that soon the +noise reached Herr Van de Greutz. + +Out he came in a great rage, ordering them about their business, and +abusing them roundly. Marthe hurried back to the kitchen, effectually +silenced, but Julia remained; she had not got her dismissal yet, and +it was imperative she should get it, for there was no telling when the +ground rice would be discovered. But she soon got what she wanted; +after a very little more inciting, Herr Van de Greutz ordered her out +of his house a great deal more peremptorily than she had been ordered +out of the Van Heigens'. She was to go at once; she was to pack her +things and go, and Marthe was to see that she took nothing but what +was her own; she was the most untrustworthy and incompetent pig that +the devil ever sent to spoil good food, and steal silver spoons. + +To this Julia replied by asking for her wages. At first Van de Greutz +refused; but Julia, with some effrontery, considering the +circumstances, declined to go without them, so eventually he thought +better of it and paid her. After that she and Marthe went up-stairs, +and she packed and Marthe looked on, closely scrutinising everything. +When all was done, and she herself dressed, she walked out of the +house, with the formula fastened inside her cuff, and the explosive +balanced on her head. And the old man who did the rough work about the +place came with her, wheeling her luggage on a barrow as far as the +gate. Here he shot it out, and left her to wait till she might hail +some passing cart, and so get herself conveyed to the town. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE HEIRESS + + +There was a fog on the river and while the tide was low no craft +moved; but with its rising there came a stir of life, the mist that +crept low on the brown water became articulate with syren voices and +the thud of screws and the wash of water churned by belated boats. The +steamers called eerily, out of the distance a heart-broken cry like no +other thing on earth, suddenly near at hand a hoot terrific; but +nothing was to be seen except rarely when out of the yellow +impenetrableness a hull rose abruptly, a vague dark mass almost within +touching distance. Julia stood on deck and listened while the little +Dutch boat crept up; she found something fascinating in this strange, +shrouded river, haunted, like a stream of the nether world, with +lamentable bodiless voices. The fog had delayed them, of course; the +afternoon was now far advanced; they had been compelled to wait some +long time while the tide was down, and even now that it was coming up, +they could go but slowly. The last through train to Marbridge would +have left Paddington before the Tower Stairs were reached; but Julia +did not mind that; she would go to Mr. Gillat; she could get a room at +the house where he lodged for one night; she was glad at the thought +of seeing Johnny again. Johnny, who knew the worst and loved and +trusted still. + +Gradually the fog lifted, not clearing right away, but enough for the +last of the sunset to show smoky, rose in a wonderful tawny sky. All +the russet-brown water kindled, each ripple edge catching a gleam of +yellow, except to the eastward, where, by some trick of light, the +main stream looked like a pool of dull silver, all pale and cold and +holy. The wharves and factories on the banks revealed themselves, +heavy black outlines, pinnacled with chimneys like some far-off spired +city. All the craft that filled the river became clear too, those that +lay still waiting repairs or cargo or the flood of the incoming tide, +and those that moved--the black Norwegian timber boats, the dirty +tramp steamers from far-off seas, the smooth grey-hulled liners, the +long strings of loaded barges, that followed one another up the great +waterway like camels in a desert caravan. Julia stood on deck and +watched it all, and to her there seemed a certain sombre beauty and a +something that moved her, though she could not tell why, with a +curious baseless pride of race. And while she watched, the twilight +fell, and the colours turned to purple and grey, and the lights +twinkled out in the shipping and along the shore--hundreds and +hundreds of lights; and gradually, like the murmur of the sea in a +shell, the roar of the city grew on the ear, till at last the little +boat reached the Stairs, where the old grey fortress looks down on the +new grey bridge, and the restless river below. + +A waterman put Julia ashore, after courtesies from the Custom House +officers, and a porter took her and her belongings to Mark Lane +station, from whence it was not difficult to get approximately near +Berwick Street. + +Mr. Gillat was not expecting visitors; he had no reason to imagine any +one would come to see him; he did not imagine that the rings at the +front bell could concern him; even when he heard steps coming +up-stairs he only thought it was another lodger. It was not till +Julia opened the door of the back room he now occupied that he had the +least idea any one had come to see him. + +"Julia!" he exclaimed, when he saw her standing on the threshold. +"Dear, dear, dear me!" + +"Yes," Julia said, "it really is I. I'm back again, you see;" and she +came in and shut the door. + +"Bless my soul!" Johnny said; "bless my soul! You're home again!" + +"On my way home; I can't get to Marbridge to-night very comfortably, +and I wanted to see you, so here I am. I have arranged with your +landlady to let me have a room." + +Mr. Gillat appeared quite overcome with joy and surprise, and it +seemed to Julia, nervousness too. He led her to a chair; "Won't you +sit down?" he said, placing it so that it commanded a view of the +window and nothing else. + +Julia sat down; she did not need to look at the room; she had already +mastered most of its details. When she first came in she had seen that +it was small and poor--a back bedroom, nothing more; an iron bed, not +too tidy, stood in one corner, a washstand, with dirty water in the +basin, in another. There was a painted chest of drawers opposite the +window; one leg was missing, its place being supplied by a pile of old +school-books; the top was adorned with a piece of newspaper in lieu of +a cover, and one of the drawers stood partly open; no human efforts +could get it shut, so Mr. Gillat's wardrobe was exposed to the public +gaze--if the public happened to look that way. Julia did not; nor did +she look towards the fire-place, where a very large towel-horse with a +very small towel upon it acted as a stove ornament--plain proof that +fires were unknown there. She looked across Mr. Gillat's cheap lamp +to the window and the vista of chimney pots, which were very well in +view, for the blind refused to come down and only draped the upper +half of the window in a drooping fashion. + +Johnny stood against the chest of drawers, striving vainly to push the +refractory drawer shut, although he knew by experience it was quite +impossible. She could see him without turning her head; he was +shabbier than ever; even his tie--his one extravagance used to be gay +ties--was shabby, and his shoes would hardly keep on his feet. His +round pink face was still round and pink; he did not look exactly +older, though his grizzled little moustache was greyer, only somehow +more puzzled and hurt by the ways of fate. Julia knew that that was +the way he would age; experience would never teach him anything, +although, as she suddenly realised, it had been trying lately. + +She turned away from the window; "I have left my luggage at the +station," she said; "I got out what I wanted in the waiting-room and +brought it along in a parcel. I think I'll take it to my room now, if +you don't mind, and wash my face and get rid of my hat--it is very +heavy. I shan't be long." + +She rose as she spoke, and Johnny bustled to open the door for her, +too much a gentleman, in spite of all, to show he was glad to have her +go and give him a chance to clear up. At the door she paused. + +"You need not order supper, Johnny," she said; "I've seen about that." + +Johnny stopped, his face a shade pinker. "Oh, but," he protested, "you +shouldn't do that; you mustn't do that. I'll tell Mrs. Horn we won't +have it; I'll make it all right with her; I was just going out to get +a--a pork pie for myself." + +It is to be feared this statement was no more veracious than Julia's, +and certainly it was not nearly so well made; it would not have +deceived a far less astute person than she, while hers would have +deceived a far more astute person than he. + +"A pork pie?" Julia said. "You have no business to eat such things in +the evening at your time of life. I tell you I have settled supper; we +had much better have what I have got. I could not bring you a present +home from Holland; I left in a hurry, so I have bought supper instead. +It is my present to you--and myself--I have selected just what I +thought I could eat best; one has fancies, you know, after one has +been seasick." + +It would require an ingeniously bad sailor to be seasick while a Dutch +cargo boat crept up the Thames in a fog, but Julia never spared the +trimmings when she did do any lying. Johnny was quite satisfied and +let her go to take off her hat--and the precious explosive which she +still carried in it. + +While she was gone he tidied the room to the best of his ability. He +regretted that he had nowhere better to ask her; if he had the +sitting-room he occupied when Rawson-Clew came in September, he would +have felt quite grand. But that was a thing of the past, so he made +the best of circumstances and went to the reckless extravagance of +sixpenny worth of fire. When Julia came in, the towel-horse had been +removed from the fender, and a fire was sputtering awkwardly in the +grate, while Mr. Gillat, proud as a school-boy who has planned a +surprise treat, was trying to coax the smoke up the damp chimney. + +"Johnny!" Julia exclaimed, "what extravagance! It's quite a warm +night, too!" + +Johnny smiled delightedly. "I thought you'd be cold after your +journey; you look quite pale and pinched," he said; "seasickness does +leave one feeling chilly." + +Julia repented of that unnecessary trimming of hers. "It is nice to +have a fire," she said, striving not to cough at the choking smoke; "I +don't need it a bit, but I don't know anything I should have enjoyed +more; why, I haven't seen a real fire since I left England!" + +She broke off to take the tongs from Mr. Gillat, who, in his efforts +to improve the draught, had managed to shut the register. She opened +it again, and in a little had the fire burning nicely. Johnny looked +on and admired, and at her suggestion opened the window to let out the +smoke. After that she managed to persuade the blind down, and, what is +more, mended it so that it would go up again; then Mr. Gillat cleared +the dressing-table and pulled it out into the middle of the room, and +by that time supper was ready--fried steak and onions and bottled +beer, with jam puffs and strong black coffee to follow--not exactly +the things for one lately suffering from seasickness, but Julia tried +them all except the bottled beer and seemed none the worse for it. And +as for Johnny, if you had searched London over you could have found +nothing more to his taste. He was a little troubled at the thought of +what Julia must have spent, but she assured him she had her wages, so +he was content. Seldom was one happier than Mr. Gillat at that supper, +or afterwards, when the table was cleared and they drew up to the +fire. They sat one each side of the fender on cane-seated chairs, the +coffee on the hob, and Johnny smoking a Dutch cigar of Julia's +providing. One can buy them at the railway stations in Holland, and +she had scarcely more pleasure in giving them to Johnny than she had +in smuggling home more than the permitted quantity. + +"Now tell me about things," Julia said. + +Johnny's face fell a little. During supper they had talked about her +affairs and experiences, none of the unpleasant ones; she was +determined not to have the supper spoiled by anything. Now, however, +she felt that the time had come to hear the other side of things. + +"I suppose father has been to town?" she remarked; she knew only too +well that nothing else could account for Mr. Gillat's reduced +circumstances. "When did he go?" + +"He has not been gone much more than a week," Johnny said; "think of +that now! If he'd stayed only a fortnight more he'd have been here +to-night; it is a pity!" + +"I don't think it is at all," Julia said frankly; "the pity is he ever +came." + +Johnny rubbed his hand along his chair. "Well, well," he said, "your +mother wished it; she knows what she is about; she is a wonderful +woman, a wonderful woman. I did what you told me, I really did." + +Julia was sure of that, but she was also sure now that he had not been +a match for her mother. + +"I went down to Marbridge a week before your father was supposed to be +coming to town; I warned him very likely I should have to go away, +just as you said--and the very day I went to Marbridge he came to +town, the very day--a week earlier than was talked of." + +Julia could not repress an inclination to smile, not only at the neat +way in which her mother had checkmated her, but also at the thought of +that lady's face when Mr. Gillat presented himself at Marbridge, just +as she was congratulating herself on being rid of the Captain. + +"What happened?" she asked. "Did mother send you back to town again?" + +"She did not send me," Mr. Gillat answered; "but, of course, I had to +go, as she said; there was your father all alone here; it would be +very dull for him; I couldn't leave him. Besides, he is not--not a +strong man, it would be better--she would feel more easy if she +thought he had his old friend with him, to see he didn't get into--you +know." + +"I know," Julia answered; "mother told you all this, then she paid +your fare back again." + +"Not paid my fare," Mr. Gillat corrected; "a lady could not offer to +do such a thing; do you think I would ever have allowed it? I couldn't +you know." + +Julia's lips set straight; she had something of a man's contempt for +small meannesses, and it is possible her judgment on this economy of +her mother's was harder than any she had for the unjustifiable +extravagances at which she guessed. She did not say anything of it to +Mr. Gillat, she was too ashamed; not that he saw it in that light; he +didn't think he had been in any way badly used, he never did. + +"Well," she said, "then you came back to town and looked after father +to the best of your abilities? I suppose you could not do much good?" + +Johnny rubbed his hand along his chair again for a little. "You see," +he said hesitatingly, "it was very dull for him; of course he wanted +amusement." + +"And of course he had it, though he could not afford it, and you +paid?" + +"Not to any great extent; oh, dear no, not to any great extent." + +"No, because you had not got 'any great extent' to spend; what you +had, limited the amount, I suppose, nothing else." + +Mr. Gillat ignored this. "Your father," he said, rather uneasily, +looking at her and then away again, "your father never had a very +strong head, he--you know--he--" + +"Has taken to drink?" Julia asked baldly. "As well as gambling he +drinks now?" + +"Oh, no," Johnny said quickly, "not exactly, that is--he does take +more than he used, more than is good for him sometimes; not much is +good for him, you know--he does take more, it is no good pretending he +does not. But it was very dull for him; it did not suit him being +here, I think; he used to get so low in spirits, what with his losses +and feeling he was not wanted at home. He thinks a great deal of your +mother, and he could not but feel that she does not think much of him +to send him away like that; it hurt him, although, as he said to me +more than once, no doubt he deserved it. It preyed on his mind; he +seemed to want something to cheer him." + +Julia nodded; she could understand the effect well enough, though the +causes at work might not be quite clear. To her young judgment it +seemed a little strange that her father should have never realised +what a cumberer of the ground he was to his wife until she banished +him "for his health." But so it evidently was, and after all she could +believe it; like some others he had "made such a sinner of his +conscience," that he could believe, not only his own lie, but the +legends woven about him. They had all pretended things, he and they +also; his position, too, had come gradually, he had got to accept it +without thinking before it was an established fact. But now the truth +had been brought home to him--more or less--and he was miserable, and, +according to the custom of his sort, set to making bad worse as soon +as ever he discovered it. + +"Why did he go home last week?" she aroused herself to ask. + +"He thought it his duty," was Johnny's surprising answer. "No, Mrs. +Polkington did not send for him, she did not know he was coming; he +decided for himself, he felt it would be better." + +Mr. Gillat rambled on vaguely, but Julia was not slow to guess that +the principal reason was to be found in the state of Johnny's +finances. She questioned him as to when he had moved into the back +room, and, finding it to be not long before her father's departure, +guessed that discomfort, like the husks of the prodigal son, had +awakened the thing dignified by the name of duty. + +For a little she sat in silence, thinking matters over. Johnny smoked +hard at the stump of his cigar, mended the fire and fidgeted, looking +sideways at her. + +"Don't worry about it," he ventured at last; "things'll look up, they +will; when he's back at Marbridge with your mother he'll be all right. +She always had a great influence over him, she had, indeed." + +Julia said "Yes." But he did not feel there was much enthusiasm in the +monosyllable, so he cast about in his mind for something to cheer her +and thus remembered a very important matter. + +"What an old fool I am!" he exclaimed. "There's something I ought to +have told you the moment you came in, and I've clean forgotten it +until now; it's good news, too! There is a lawyer wants to see you." + +"What about?" Julia asked; she did not seem to naturally associate a +lawyer with good news. + +"A legacy," Johnny answered triumphantly. + +Julia was much astonished; she could not imagine from whence it came, +but before she asked she made the business-like inquiry, "How much?" + +"Not a great deal, I'm afraid," Mr. Gillat was obliged to say; "still, +a little's a help, you know; it may be a great help; you remember your +father's Aunt Jane?" + +Julia did, or rather she remembered the name. Great-aunt Jane was one +of the relations the Polkingtons did not use; she was not rich enough +or obliging enough to give any help, nor grand enough for +conversational purposes. She never figured in Mrs. Polkington's talk +except vaguely as "one of my husband's people in Norfolk;" this when +she was explaining that the Captain came of East Anglian stock on his +mother's side. Jane was only a step-aunt to the Captain; his mother +had married above her family, her half-sister Jane had married a +little beneath--a small farmer, in fact, whose farming had got smaller +still before he died, which was long ago. Great-aunt Jane could not +have much to leave any one, but, as Mr. Gillat said, anything was +better than nothing; the real surprise was why it should have been +left to Julia. + +She asked Johnny about it, but he could not tell her much; he really +knew very little except that there was something, and that the lawyer +wanted her address and was annoyed when her relations could not give +it. Indeed, even went so far as to think they would not, and that it +would be his duty to take steps unless she was forthcoming soon. + +"I had better go to his office to-morrow," Julia said; "I suppose you +know where it is?" + +Mr. Gillat did, and they arranged how they would go to-morrow, Johnny, +who was to wait outside, solely for the pleasure and excitement of the +expedition. After that they talked about the legacy and its probable +amount for some time. + +"I suppose no other benefactor came inquiring for me while I was +away?" Julia said, after she had, to please Johnny and not her +practical self, built several air castles with the legacy. + +"No," Mr. Gillat said regretfully, "I'm afraid not; no one else asked +for you. At least, some one did; a Mr. Rawson-Clew came here for your +address." + +"Did he though?" Julia asked; "Did he, indeed? What did he want it +for?" + +"Well, I don't know," Johnny was obliged to say; "I don't know that he +gave any reason exactly; he said he had met you in Holland. I thought +he was a friend of yours, he seemed to know a good deal about you." + +"He was a friend," Julia said; "that was quite right. And so he came +for my address. When was this?" + +Johnny gave the approximate date, and Julia asked: "Why did he come to +you?" + +Mr. Gillat did not quite know unless it was because he had failed +elsewhere. "But he really came to see your father," he said. + +"Did he see him?" Julia inquired. + +"No, he was out. To tell the truth, I don't believe your father ever +knew he came," Johnny confessed; "I meant to tell him, of course, but +he was late home that day, and when he came he was--was--well, you +know, he couldn't--it didn't seem--" + +"Yes," said Julia, coming to the rescue, "he was drunk and could not +understand, and afterwards you forgot it; it does not matter; indeed, +it is better so; I am glad of it." + +Mr. Gillat was fumbling in his shabby letter-case; he took out a card; +it bore Rawson-Clew's name and address of a London club. + +"He gave me this," he said, "and told me to let him know if I heard +from you, if you were in any trouble, or anything--if I thought you +were." + +Julia held out her hand. "You had better give it to me," she said; +"I'll let him know all that is necessary. Thank you;" and she put the +card away. + +Soon after she went to her room, for it was growing late. But she did +not hurry over undressing; indeed, when she sat down to take off her +stockings, she paused with one in her hand, thinking of Rawson-Clew. +So he had tried to find out where she was; he did not then accept her +answer as final; he was bent on seeing that she came to no harm +through him--honourable, certainly, and like him. He had come to +Berwick Street and nearly seen her father--drunk; quite seen Mr. +Gillat, in the first floor sitting-room certainly, but no doubt shabby +and not very wise as usual. She was not ashamed; though for a moment +she had been glad he had missed her father; now she told herself it +did not matter either way. He knew what she was and what her people +were; what did it matter if he realised it a little more? They were +not of his sort, it was no good pretending for a moment that they +were. His sort! She laughed silently at the thought. The girls of his +sort eating steak and onions in a back bedroom with Johnny Gillat! +Caring for Johnny as she cared, liking to sit with him in the pokey +little room while he smoked Dutch cigars; not doing it out of kindness +of heart and charity, but finding personal pleasure in it and a sense +of home-coming! If Rawson-Clew had come that evening while they were +at supper, or while she cured the smoky fire or mended the blind, or +while they sipped black coffee out of earthenware breakfast-cups and +talked of her father's delinquencies! It would not have mattered; he +knew she was of the stoke-hole--she had told him so--and not like the +accomplished girls whom he usually met--who could not have got him the +explosive! + +She dropped her stocking to take the wide-necked bottle in her hands, +deciding now how best to send it. It must go by post, in a good-sized +wooden box, tightly packed, with a great deal of damp straw and wool; +it ought to be safe that way. She would send it to the club address, +it was fortunate she had it; but not yet, not until her own plans were +clearer. It was just possible he might suspect her; it was hardly +likely, but it was always as well to provide against remote +contingencies, for if he tried and succeeded in verifying the +suspicion everything would be spoiled. He had made sensible efforts to +find her before, he might make equally sensible and more successful +ones again, unless she left a way of escape clear for herself. +Accordingly, so she determined, the explosive should not go yet, +thought it had better be packed ready. She would get a box and packing +to-morrow; to-night she could only copy the formula. She did this, +printing it carefully on a strip of paper which she put on the bottle +and coated with wax from her candle. She knew Herr Van de Greutz waxed +labels sometimes to preserve them from the damp, so she felt sure the +formula would be safe however wet she might make the packing. + +The next day she went to the lawyer's office and heard all about the +legacy and what she must do to prove her own identity and claim it. +Mr. Gillat waited outside, pacing up and down the street, striving so +hard to look casual that he aroused the suspicions of a not too acute +policeman. The official was reassured, however, when Julia came out of +the office and carried Johnny away to hear about the legacy. + +"It is more than I thought," she said, before they were half down the +street. "Fifty pounds a year, a small house--not much more than a +cottage--and a garden and field; that's about what it comes to. The +house is not worth much; it is in an unget-at-able part of Norfolk, in +the sandy district towards the sea--the man spoke as if I knew where +that was, but I don't--and the garden and field are not fertile. I +don't suppose one could let the place, but one could live in it, if +one wanted to." + +"Yes, yes," Johnny said, "of course; you will have your own estate to +retire to; quite an heiress--your mother will be pleased." + +Julia could well imagine what skilful use her mother could make of the +legacy; it would figure beautifully in conversation; no doubt Johnny +was really thinking of this also, though he did not know it, for +actually the thing would not commend itself to Mrs. Polkington so +highly as a lump sum of money would have done. + +"Why do you think Great-aunt Jane let it to me?" Julia asked. "Because +I went out to work! It seems that father and we three girls are the +nearest relations she had, and though we knew nothing about her, she +made inquiries about us from time to time. When she heard I had gone +abroad as companion or lady-help, she said she should leave all she +had to me because I was the only one who even tried to do any honest +work. You know that is not really strictly fair, because I did not +altogether go with the idea of doing honest work; although, certainly, +when I got there I did it." + +Johnny did not quite follow this last, but it did not matter, the only +thing that concerned him--or Julia much, either--was the fact that she +was the possessor of L50 a year, a cottage, a garden, and a field. +Johnny revelled in the idea and talked of what she was going to do +right up to the time that he saw her into the train at Paddington. The +only thing that put an end to his talking was the guard requesting him +to stand away from the carriage door and Julia admonished him to leave +go of the handle before the engine started. Julia herself did not talk +so much of what she would do because she did not know; she felt, until +she got home and saw how things were there, it was no good even to +plan how and when to spend. Five pounds she did spend; it was really +her saving accumulated by economy in Holland, but she reckoned it as +drawn from her estate. Johnny found it in an envelope when he returned +to the back bedroom, and with it a note to say that it was in part +payment of Captain Polkington's debts, for which, of course, his +family were responsible; "and if you make a fuss about it," the letter +concluded, dropping the business-like style, "I shall trim 'Bouquet' +to stink next time you come to Marbridge, and not come and sit with +you." + +I think Johnny sat down and wept over that letter; but then he was +rather a silly old man and he had not had a good meal, except last +night's steak and onions, for a fortnight. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN + + +The great Polkington campaign was over and it had failed. Mrs. +Polkington and Cherie cheered each other with assurances of a contrary +nature as long as they could, but for all that it had really failed +and they knew it. There had been some small successes by the way; they +had received a little recognition in superior places, and a few, a +very few, invitations of a superior order at the cost, of course, of +refusing and so offending some old friends and acquaintances. It might +perhaps have been possible to achieve the position at which Mrs. +Polkington aimed in the course of time, or a very long time; society +in the country moves slowly, and she could not afford to wait +indefinitely; her financial ability was not equal to it. Moreover, +there came into her affairs, not exactly a crash, but something so +unpleasantly like a full stop that she and Cherie could not fail to +perceive it. This occurred on the day when they heard of Mr. Harding's +engagement. Mr. Harding was the eligible bachelor addition to county +society whose advent had materially assisted in giving definite form +to Mrs. Polkington's ambition. He had helped to feed it, too, during +the late summer and early autumn, for he had been friendly, though +Cherie was forced to admit that his attentions to her had not been +very marked. But now the news was abroad that he was engaged to a girl +in his own circle; one whose mother had not yet extended any greater +recognition to Mrs. Polkington than an invitation to a Primrose League +Fete. + +This news was abroad in the middle of October, and there was a certain +amount of unholy satisfaction in Marbridge. Some of the old friends +and acquaintances who Mrs. Polkington had offended, recognised the +Christian duty of forgiveness, and called upon her--to see how she +bore up. The Grayson girls, whose dance Cherie had refused at the +beginning of the month, came to see her. But they put off their call a +day to suit some theatrical rehearsal; by which means they lost the +entertainment they promised themselves, for by the time they did come +Cherie was ready for them and, with appropriate shyness, let it be +known that she herself was engaged to Mr. Brendon Smith. + +At this piece of information the girls looked at one another, and +neither of them could think of anything smart to say. Afterwards they +told each other and their friends that it was "quick work," and "like +those Polkingtons." But at the time they could only offer suitable +congratulations to Cherie, who received them and carried off the +situation with a charming mingling of assurance and graciousness, +which was worthy of her mother. + +But the Graysons were right in saying it was quick work; late one +afternoon Cherie heard of Mr. Harding's engagement; during the evening +she and her mother recognised their failure; in the night she saw that +Mr. Brendon Smith was her one chance of dignified withdrawal, and +before the next evening she had promised to marry him. + +There were some people in Marbridge who pitied Mr. Smith (only the +Polkingtons put in the Brendon), but he did not need much pity, for +the good reason that he knew very well what he was doing and how it +was that his proposals came to be accepted. He was fond of Cherie, and +appreciated both her beauty and her several valuable qualities; but he +had no illusions about her or her family, and he knew, when he made +it, that his proposal would be accepted to cover a retreat. He was not +at all a humble and diffident individual, but he did not mind being +taken on these terms; he even saw some advantage in it in dealing with +the Polkingtons. If there was any mistake in the matter it was Cherie +when she said "Yes" to his suggestion, "Don't you think you'd better +marry me?" She probably did not know how completely she was getting +herself a master. + +It was not a grand engagement; Mrs. Polkington could not pretend that +her son-in-law elect had aristocratic or influential connections; she +said so frankly--and her frankness, which was overstrained, was one of +her most engaging characteristics. + +"It is no use pretending that I should not have been more pleased if +he had been better connected," she said to those old friends and +acquaintances whose Christianity led them to call. "I share your +opinion, dear Mrs. ----" (the name varied according to circumstances) +"about the value of birth; but one can't have everything; he is a most +able man, and really charming. It is such a good thing that he is so +much older than Cherie; I always felt she needed an older man to guide +and care for her--he is positively devoted to her; you know, the +devotion of a man of that age is such a different thing from a boy's +affection." + +After that the visitor could not reasonably do anything but inquire if +Mr. Smith was going to throw up the South African post which all the +town knew he was about to take before his engagement. + +To this Mr. Polkington was obliged to answer, "No, he is going, and +going almost directly; that is my one hardship; I have got to lose +Cherie at once, for he positively will not go without her. Of course, +it would be a thousand pities for him to throw it up, such an opening; +so very much better than he would ever have here, but it is hard to +lose my child--she seems a child to me still--almost before I have +realised that she is grown up. Their passages are taken already; they +will be married by license almost directly; there even won't be time +to get a trousseau, only the merest necessaries before the luggage has +to go." + +It must not be thought that the news of Mr. Harding's engagement was +the one and only thing which convinced Mrs. Polkington and Cherie that +the great campaign had failed; it was the finishing touch, no doubt, +in that it had made Cherie feel the necessity of being immediately +engaged to some one, but there were other things at work. Captain +Polkington had returned from London just five days before they heard +the news, and three were quite sufficient to show his wife and +daughter that he was considerably the worse for his stay in town. +Bills too, had been coming in of late; not inoffensive, negligible +bills such as they were very well used to, but threatening insistent +bills, one even accompanied by a lawyer's letter. Then, to crown all, +Captain Polkington had a fit of virtue and repentance on the second +day after his return. It was not of long duration, and was, no doubt, +partly physical, and not unconnected with the effects of his decline +from the paths of temperance. But while it lasted, he read some of the +bills and talked about the way ruin stared him in the face and the +need there was for retrenchment, turning over a new leaf, facing facts +and kindred things. Also, which was more important, he wrote to his +wife's banker brother--he who had been instrumental in getting the +papers sent in years ago. To this influential person he said a good +deal about the state of the family finances, the need there was for +clearing matters up and starting on a better basis, and his own +determination to face things fairly and set to work in earnest. What +kind of work was not mentioned; apparently that had nothing to do with +the Captain's resolution; there was one thing, however, that was +mentioned definitely--the need for the banker brother's advice--and +pecuniary assistance. The answer to this letter was received on the +same day as the news of Mr. Harding's engagement. It came in the +evening, later than the news, and it was addressed to Mrs. Polkington, +not the Captain; it assisted her in recognising that the end of the +campaign had arrived. It said several unpleasant things, and it said +them plainly; not the most pleasant to the reader was the announcement +that the writer would himself come to Marbridge to look into matters +one day that week or the next. Under these circumstances it is not +perhaps so surprising that Cherie found it advisable to accept Mr. +Brendon Smith's offer of marriage, and Mrs. Polkington found the +impossibility of getting a trousseau in time no very great +disadvantage. + +When Julia came home it wanted but a short time to Cherie's wedding. A +great deal seemed to have happened since she went away, not only to +her family, but, and that was less obviously correct, to herself. She +stood in the drawing-room on the morning after her return and looked +round her and felt that somehow she had travelled a long way from her +old point of view. The room was very untidy; it had not been used, and +so, in accordance with the Polkington custom, not been set tidy for +two days; dust lay thick on everything; there were dead leaves in the +vases, cigarette ash on the table, no coals on the half-laid fire. In +the merciless morning light Julia saw all the deficiencies; the way +things were set best side foremost, though, to her, the worst side +contrived still to show; the display there was everywhere, the +trumpery silver ornaments, all tarnished for want of rubbing, and of +no more intrinsic value and beauty than the tinfoil off champagne +bottles; the cracked pieces of china--rummage sale relics, she called +them--set forth in a glass-doored cabinet, as if they were heirlooms. +Mrs. Polkington had a romance about several of them that made them +seem like heirlooms to her friends and almost to herself. The whole, +as Julia looked around, struck her as shoddy and vulgar in its +unreality. + +"I'm not coming back to it, no, I'm not," she said, half aloud; "the +corduroy and onions would be a great deal better." + +Cherie passed the open door at that minute and half heard her. "What +did you say?" she asked. + +Julia looked round. "Nothing," she answered, "only that I am not +coming back to this sort of life." + +"To Marbridge?" Cherie asked, "or to the house? If it is the house you +mean, you need not trouble about that; there isn't much chance of your +being able to go on living here; you will have to move into something +less expensive. I am sure Uncle William will insist on it. There is +more room than you will want here after I am gone, and as for +appearance and society, there won't be much object in keeping that +up." + +Julia laughed. "You don't think I am a sufficiently marketable +commodity to be worth much outlay?" she said. "You are quite right; +besides, it is just that which I mean; I have come to the conclusion +that I don't admire the way we live here." + +"So have I," Cherie answered; "no one in their senses would; but it +was the best we could do in the circumstances and before you grumble +at it you had better be sure you don't get something worse." + +Julia did not think she should do that, and Cherie seeing it went on, +"Oh, of course you have got L50 a year, I know, but you can't live on +that; besides, I expect Uncle William will want you to do something +else with it." + +"I shall do what I please," Julia replied, and Cherie never doubted +it; she would have done no less herself had she been the fortunate +legatee, Uncle William or twenty Uncle Williams notwithstanding. + +This important relative had not been to Marbridge yet, in spite of +what he wrote to his sister; he had not been able to get away. Indeed, +he was not able to do so until the day after Cherie's wedding. Mrs. +Polkington was in a happy and contented frame of mind; the quiet +wedding had gone off quite as well as Violet's grander one--really, a +quiet wedding is more effective than a smart one in the dull time of +year, and always, of course, less expensive. Cherie had looked lovely +in simple dress, and the presents, considering the quietness and +haste, were surprisingly numerous and handsome. Mr. Smith was liked +and respected by a wide circle. Mrs. Polkington felt satisfied and +also very pleased to have Violet, her favourite daughter, with her +again. She and Violet were talking over the events of the day with +mutual congratulation, when Mr. William Ponsonby was announced. + +Fortunately, Violet's husband, Mr. Frazer, had gone to see his old +friend the vicar, and more fortunately still, he was persuaded to stay +and dine with him. It would have been rather awkward to have had him +present at the display of family washing which took place that +evening. Mr. Ponsonby did not mince matters; he said, perhaps not +altogether without justice, that he had had about enough of the +Polkingtons. He also said he wanted the truth, and seeing that his +sister had long ago found that about her own concerns so very +unattractive that she never dealt with it naked; it did not show +beautiful now. In the course of time, however, he got it, or near +enough for working purposes. Out came all the bills, and out came the +threatening letter and old account books and remembered debts both of +times past and present; and when he had got them all, he added them +up, showed Mrs. Polkington the total, and asked her what she was going +to do. + +She said she did not know; privately she felt there was no need for +her to consider the question; was it not the one her self-invited +brother had come to answer? He did answer it, almost as soon as he +asked it. + +"You will have to leave this house," he said, "sell what you can of +its contents and pay all that is possible of your debts. You won't be +able to pay many with that; the rest I shall have to arrange about, I +suppose. Oh, not pay; don't think that for a moment; I've paid a deal +more than I ought for you long ago. I mean to see the people and +arrange that you pay by degrees; you will have to devote most of your +income to that for a time. What will you live on in the meanwhile? +This legacy--it is you who have got it, isn't it?" he said, turning to +Julia; "I thought so. Fortunately the money is not in any way tied up, +you can get at the principal. Well, the best thing to be done is to +buy a good boarding-house. You could make a boarding-house pay, +Caroline," he went on to his sister, "if you tried; your social gifts +would be some use there--you will have to try." + +Mrs. Polkington looked a little dismayed, and Violet said, "It would +be rather degrading, wouldn't it?" + +"Not so degrading as being sued at the county court," her uncle +returned. + +Mrs. Polkington felt there was truth in that, and, accustoming herself +to a new idea with her usual rapidity, she even began to see that the +alternative offered need not be so very unpleasant. Indeed, when she +came to think about it, it might be almost pleasant if the +boarding-house were very select; there would be society of a kind, +perhaps of a superior kind, even; she need not lose prestige and she +could still shine, and without such tremendous effort. + +But her reflections were interrupted by the Captain. + +"And what part have I in this scheme?" he asked. + +His brother-in-law, to whom the question was addressed, considered a +moment. "Well, I really don't know," he said at last; "of course you +would live in the house." + +"A burden on my wife and daughter! Idle, useless, not wanted!" + +The banker had no desire to hurt Captain Polkington's feelings, but he +saw no reason why he should not hear the truth--that he had long been +all these things; idle, useless, unwanted, a burden not only to his +wife and daughters, but also to all relations and connections who +allowed themselves to be burdened. But the Captain's feelings were +hurt; he was surprised and injured, though convinced of little besides +the hardness of fate and the fact that his brother-in-law +misunderstood him. He turned to his wife for support, and she +supported, corroborating both what he said and what her brother did +too, though they were diametrically opposed. It looked rather as if +the discussion were going to wander off into side issues, but Julia +brought it back by inquiring of her uncle-- + +"What part have I in this scheme?" + +"You will help your mother," he answered, "and of course the concern +will be nominally yours; that is to say, you will put your money in +it, invest it in that instead of railways or whatever it is now in. I +shall see that the thing is properly secured." + +He glanced at Captain Polkington as he spoke, as if he thought he +might have designs upon the money or investment. Julia only said, "I +see," but in so soft a voice that she roused Mr. Ponsonby's +suspicions. He had dealt a good deal with men and women, and he did +not altogether like the amused observing eyes of the legatee, and he +distrusted her soft voice of seeming acquiescence. + +"It is of no use for you to get any nonsensical ideas," he said, +"about what you will do and won't do; this is the only thing you can +do; you have got to make a living, and you have got to pay your debts; +beggars can't be choosers. The fact is, you have all lived on charity +so long that you have got demoralised." + +Violet flushed. "Really," she began to say, "though you have helped us +once or twice, I don't think you have the right to insult--" but Mrs. +Polkington raised a quieting hand; she did not wish to offend her +brother. + +He was not offended; he only spoke his mind rather plainly to them +all, which, though it did no harm, did little good either; they were +too old in their sins to profit by that now. After some more +unpleasant talk all round, the family conclave broke up; Mr. Frazer +came home, and every one went to bed. + +Mr. Ponsonby had Julia's tiny room; there was nowhere else for him, +seeing Violet and her husband had the one she and her youngest sister +shared in their maiden days. Julia had to content herself with the +drawing-room sofa; it was a very uncomfortable sofa, and the blankets +kept slipping off so she did not sleep a great deal; but that did not +matter much; she had the more time to think things over. Dawn found +her sitting at the table wrapped in her blanket, writing by the light +of one of the piano candles; she glanced up as the first cold light +struggled in, and her face was very grave, it looked old, too, and +tired, with the weariness which accompanies renunciation, quite as +often as does peace or a sense of beatitude. She looked at the paper +before her, a completely worked-out table of expenditure, a sort of +statement of ways and means--the means being L50 a year. It could be +done; she knew that during the night when the plan took shape in her +mind; she had proved it to herself more than half-an-hour ago by +figures--but there was no margin. It could only be done by renouncing +that upon which she had set her heart; she could not work out the +scheme and pay the debt of honour to Rawson-Clew. The legacy had at +first seemed a heaven-sent gift for that purpose, but now, like the +blue daffodil, it seemed that it could not be used to pay the debt. +That was not to be paid by a heaven-sent gift any more than by a +devil-helped theft; slow, honest work and patient saving might pay it +in years, but nothing else it seemed. She put her elbows on the table +and propped her chin on her locked hands looking down at the +unanswerable figures, but they still told her the same hard truth. + +"I might save it in time; I could do without this--and this," she told +herself. It is so easy to do without oneself when one's mind is set on +some purpose, but one has no right to expect others to do without, +too--the whole thing would be no good if the others had to; she knew +that. No, the debt could not be paid this way; she had no right to do +it; it was her own fancy, her hobby, perhaps. No one demanded that it +should be paid; law did not compel it; Rawson-Clew did not expect it; +her father considered that it no longer existed; it was to please +herself and herself alone that she would pay it, and her pleasure must +wait. + +Possibly she did not reason quite all this; she only knew that she +could not do what she had set her heart on doing with the first of +Aunt Jane's money, and the renunciation cost her much, and gave her no +satisfaction at all. But the matter once decided, she put it at the +back of her mind, and by breakfast time she was her usual self; to +tell the truth, she was looking forward to a skirmish with Uncle +William, and that cheered her. + +After breakfast she led Mr. Ponsonby to the drawing-room, and he came +not altogether unprepared for objections; he had half feared them last +night. + +"Uncle William," she said. "I have been thinking over your plan, and I +don't think I quite like it." + +"I dare say not," her uncle answered; "I can believe it; but that's +neither here nor there, as I said last night, beggars can't be +choosers." + +Julia did not, as Violet had, resent this; she was the one member of +the family who was not a beggar, and she knew perfectly well she could +be a chooser. She sat down. "Perhaps I had better say just what I +mean," she said pleasantly; "I am not going to do it." + +"Not going to?" Mr. Ponsonby repeated indignantly. "Don't talk +nonsense; you have got to, there's nothing else open to you; I'm not +going to keep you all, feed, clothe and house you, and pay your debts +into the bargain!" + +"No," said Julia; "no, naturally not; I did not think of that." + +"What did you think of, then?" her uncle demanded; he remembered that +she had the nominal disposal of her own money, and though her +objections were ridiculous, even impertinent in the family +circumstances, they might be awkward. "What do you object to? I +suppose you don't like the idea of paying debts; none of you seem to." + +"No," Julia answered; "it isn't that; of course the debts must be paid +in the way you say, it is the only way." + +"I am glad you think so," the banker said sarcastically; "though I may +as well tell you, young lady, that it would still be done even without +your approval. What is it you don't like, spending your money for +other people?" + +Julia smiled a little. "We may as well call it that," she said; "I +don't like the boarding-house investment." + +"What do you like? Seeing your parents go to the poorhouse? That's +what will happen." + +"No, they can come and live with me. I have got a large cottage, a +garden, a field, and L50 a year. If we keep pigs and poultry, and grow +things in the garden we can live in the cottage on the L50 a year till +the debts are all paid off; after that, of course, we should have +enough to be pretty comfortable. We need not keep a servant there, or +regard appearances or humbug--it would be very cheap." + +"And nasty," her uncle added. He was not impressed with the wisdom of +this scheme; indeed he did not seriously contemplate it as possible. +"You are talking nonsense," he said; "absurd, childish nonsense; you +don't know anything about it; you have no idea what life in a cottage +means; the drudgery of cooking and scrubbing and so on; the doing +without society and the things you are used to; as for pigs and +gardening, why, you don't know how to dig a hole or grow a cabbage!" + +But he was not quite right; Julia had learnt something about drudgery +in Holland, something about growing things, at least in theory, and so +much about doing without the society to which she was used at home +that she had absolutely no desire for it left. She made as much of +this plan to Mr. Ponsonby as was possible and desirable; enough, at +all events, to convince him that she had thought out her plan in every +detail and was very bent on it. + +"I suppose the utter selfishness of this idea of yours has not struck +you," he said at last. "You may think you would like this kind of +life, though you wouldn't if you tried it, but how about your mother?" + +"She won't like it," Julia admitted; "but then, on the other hand, +there is father. I suppose you know he has taken to drink lately and +at all times gambled as much as he could. What do you think would +become of him in a boarding-house in some fashionable place, with +nothing to do, and any amount of opportunity?" + +Mr. Ponsonby did not feel able or willing to discuss the Captain's +delinquencies with his daughter; his only answer was, "What will +become of your mother keeping pigs and poultry and living in an +isolated cottage? It would be social extinction for her." + +"The boarding-house would be moral extinction for father." + +Mr. Ponsonby grew impatient. "I suppose you think," he said irritably, +"that you have reduced it to this--the sacrifice of one parent or the +other. You have no business to think about such things; but if you +had, to which do you owe the most duty? Who has done the most for +you?" + +"Well," Julia answered slowly, "I'm not sure I am considering duty +only; people who don't pay their debts are not always great at duty, +you know. Perhaps it is really inclination with me. Father is fonder +of me than mother is; I have never been much of a social success. +Mother did not find me such good material to work upon, so naturally +she rather dropped me for the ones who were good material. I admire +mother the more, but I am sorrier for father, because he can't take +care of himself, and has no consolation left; it serves him right, of +course, but it must be very uncomfortable all the same. Do you see?" + +"No, I don't," her uncle answered shortly; "I am old-fashioned enough +to think sons and daughters ought to do their duty to their parents, +not analyse them in this way." He forgot that he had in a measure +invited this analysis, and Julia did not remind him, although no doubt +she was aware of it. + +"I should like to do my duty to them both," she said; "and I believe I +will do it best by going to the cottage. Father would get to be a +great nuisance to mother at the boarding-house after a time, almost as +bad as the pigs and poultry at the cottage. Also, if we had the +boarding-house, father's moral extinction would be complete, but if we +lived at the cottage mother's social one would not; she could go and +stay with Violet and other people the worst part of the time, while we +were shortest of money. Besides all that, there are two other things; +I like the cottage best myself, and I believe it to be the best--I +know the sort of living life we should live at a boarding-house--and +then there is Johnny Gillat." + +Mr. Ponsonby had no recollection of who Johnny Gillat was, and he did +not trouble to ask; Julia's other reason was the one he seized upon. +"You like it!" he said; "yes, now we have come to the truth; the +person you are considering is yourself; I knew that all along; you +need not have troubled to wrap it up in all these grand +reasons--consideration for your father, and so on!" + +"Oh, but think how much better it sounded!" Julia said, with twinkling +eyes. + +Mr. Ponsonby did not see the twinkle; he read Julia a lecture on +selfishness and ended up by saying, "You are utterly selfish and +ingrain lazy, that's what you are; you don't want to do a stroke of +honest work for any one." + +"Dishonest work is where I shine," Julia told him. "Oh, not +scoundrelly dishonesty, company promoting, and so on," (Mr. Ponsonby +was on several boards of directors, but he was not a company promoter, +still he snorted a little) "I mean real dishonest work; with a little +practice I would make such a thief as you do not meet every day in the +week." + +"I can quite believe it," her uncle retorted grimly; "lazy people +generally do take to lying and stealing and, as I say, lazy is what +you are. Sooner than work for your living, you go and pig in a +cottage, because you think that way you can do nothing all day; lead +an idle life." + +"Yes," Julia agreed sweetly; "I think that must be my reason--a nice +comfortable idle life with the pigs and poultry, and garden, and +cooking, and scrubbing, and two incompetent old men. I really think +you must be right." + +Here it must be recorded, Mr. Ponsonby very nearly lost his temper, +and not without justification. Was he not giving time and +consideration and (probably) money to help this hopeless family on to +its legs again? And was it not more than mortal middle-aged man could +bear, not only to be opposed by the only member with any means, but +also to be made sly fun of by her? He gave Julia his opinion very +sharply, and no doubt she deserved it. But the worst of it was that +did not prevent her from exercising the right of the person who is not +a beggar to choose. + +The Polkington family, who were soon afterwards called in to assist +at the discussion, sided with Mr. Ponsonby. Violet and Mrs. Polkington +with great decision, the Captain more weakly. Eventually he was won +over to Julia because her scheme seemed to hold a place for him where +he could flatter himself he was wanted. The argument went on and +angrily, on the part of some present; Julia was most amiable; but, as +the Van Heigens had found, she was an extremely awkward antagonist, +the more amiable, the more awkward, even in a weak position, as with +them, and in a strong one, as now, she was a great deal worse. Mr. +Ponsonby lost the train he meant to catch back to London; he did not +do it only for the benefit of his sister, but also because Julia had +given battle and he was not going to retire from the field. Violet and +Mr. Frazer deliberately postponed the hour of their departure; Violet +was determined not to leave things in this condition; Julia's plan, +she considered a disgrace to the whole family. Mr. Frazer was asked +not to come to the family council; Violet explained to him that they +were having trouble with Julia; she would tell him all about it +afterwards, but it distressed her mother so much that it would perhaps +be kinder if he was not there at the time. Mr. Frazer quite agreed; he +shared some of his wife's sentiments about appearances; also he had no +wish to be distressed either in mind or tastes. + +Violet did tell him about it afterwards; a curtailed and selected +version, but one eminently suitable to the purpose. On hearing it he +was justly angry with Julia's heartless selfishness in keeping her +legacy to herself. He was also shocked at her determination to go and +live a farm labourer's life in a farm labourer's cottage. He was truly +sorry for Mrs. Polkington, between whom and himself there existed a +mutual affection and admiration. He said it was bitterly hard that her +one remaining daughter should treat her thus; that it was +barbarous, impossible, that a woman of her age, tastes, refinement and +gifts should be compelled to lead such a life as was proposed. In fact +he could not and would not permit it; he hoped that she would make her +home at his rectory; nay, he insisted upon it; both Violet and himself +would not take a refusal; she must and should come to them. + +[Illustration: "A wonderful woman"] + +Julia smiled her approval; when things were worked up to this end; she +would have liked to clap her applause, it was so well done. Mrs. +Polkington and Violet were so admirable, they were already almost +convinced of all they said; in two days they would believe it quite as +much as Mr. Ponsonby did now. She did not in the least mind having to +appear as the ungrateful daughter; it fitted in so beautifully with +Violet's arrangement. And really the arrangement was very good; the +utilitarian feelings of the family did not suffer at wrenches and +splits as did more tender ones; no one would object much to an +advantageous division. And most advantageous it certainly was; the +cottage household would go better without Mrs. Polkington and she +would be far happier at the rectory. She would not make any trouble +there; rather, she would give her son-in-law cause to be glad of her +coming; there would be scope for her there, and she would possibly +develop better than she had ever had a chance of doing before. + +So everything was decided. The house in East Street was to be given +up, and most of its contents sold; as Julia's cottage was furnished +already with Aunt Jane's things, she need only take a few extras from +the home. The debts were to be paid as far as possible now, and the +small income was to be divided; part was to go as pin money to Mrs. +Polkington, the main part of the remainder to go to the debts, and a +very small modicum to come with the Captain to the cottage. + +Julia was quite satisfied, and let it be apparent. This, with her +obvious cheerfulness, rather incensed Violet, who regarded the sale of +their effects as rather a disgrace, and Julia's plans for the future, +as a great one. + +"You ought to be ashamed of yourself," she told her younger sister, +just before she left Marbridge. "I am positively ashamed to think you +belong to us. It will be nice to meet Norfolk people at the Palace or +somewhere, who have seen you tending your pigs and doing your washing. +It is such an unusual name; I can quite fancy some one being +introduced to mother and thinking it odd that her name should be the +same as some dirty cottage people." + +"Well," Julia suggested, "why not change it? Such a trifle as a name +surely need not stand in our way; we have got over worse things than +that. Mother can be something else, or I can; mother had better do it; +father will forget who he is if I make a change." + +"Don't be absurd," Violet said; "I only wish you could change it +though; I never want to write to you as Julia Polkington in case some +servant were to notice the address; one never knows how these things +come out." + +"Don't write as that," her sister told her; "address me as 'Julia +Snooks' or anything else you like; I am not particular." + +Violet did not take this as a serious suggestion; nevertheless, Julia +told Mr. Frazer on the platform at Marbridge that she and Violet had +been having a christening, and that she was now Julia Snooks. Mr. +Ponsonby said it was ridiculous, to which Julia replied-- + +"That is what I am myself." + +Mrs. Polkington said it was foolish too, but she did not say so +vehemently; she felt that in the Frazer circle, especially at the +Palace where she would meet people from everywhere, she might possibly +come across some one who had heard of Julia. It was unlikely; still it +is a small world, and Polkington an uncommon name. "Why not choose +something simple, like 'Gray'?" she suggested. + +"Because," Julia answered, "that is what I am not." + + * * * * * + +But fate had one exceedingly bitter pill for Mrs. Polkington. On the +day after Cherie and her husband sailed for South Africa, it was known +in Marbridge that the news of Mr. Harding's engagement was false. The +girl gossip had coupled with him was engaged, it is true, and to a Mr. +Harding, but to another and entirely different bearer of the name. The +real, eligible Mr. Harding called at East Street to explain to Mrs. +Polkington how the mistake had arisen, to tell her that he himself had +been away in the north for some weeks and so had heard nothing of it. +Also to hear--and he had heard nothing of that either--that Cherie was +married and gone. + +The news of Mr. Harding's freedom and his call, and what she fancied +it might have implied, did not reach Cherie till after her arrival in +Africa. It did not tend to soothe the first weeks of married life, nor +to make easier the rigorous, but no doubt wholesome, breaking-in +process to which her husband wisely subjected her. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +THE GOOD COMRADE + + +Rawson-Clew was very busy that autumn, so busy that the events which +had taken place in Holland were rather blotted out of his mind; he had +not exactly forgotten them, only among the press of other things he +did not often think about them and they soon came to take their proper +unimportant place among his recollections. Julia he thought of +occasionally, but less and less in connection with the foolish +holiday, more in connection with some chance saying or doing. Things +recalled her, a passage in a book, a sentiment she would have shared, +an opinion she would have combated. Or perhaps it was that some one he +met set him thinking of her shrewd swift judgments; some scene in +which he played a part that made him imagine her an amused spectator +of its unconscious absurdity. He had turned her thyme flowers out of +his pocket; he had no sentiment about them or her, but he did not +forget her; their acquaintance had, to a certain extent, been a thing +of mind, and in mind it seemed he occasionally came in contact with +her still. Also there is no doubt she must have been one of those +virile people who take hold, for though one could sometimes overlook +her presence, in absence one did not forget. + +Of herself and her doings he never heard; at first he had half thought +he might have some communication from Mr. Gillat, but as the autumn +went on and he heard nothing, he came to the conclusion that she +really must have arranged something satisfactorily and there was an +end to the whole affair. He settled down to his own concerns and +became very thoroughly absorbed in them, to the exclusion of nearly +everything else. For women he never had much taste, and now, being +busy and preoccupied, he got into the way of scanning them more +critically than ever when he did happen to come across them. Not +comparing them with any ideal standard, but just finding them +uninteresting, whether they were the cultivated, well-bred girls of +the country, or the smart young matrons and wide-awake maidens of the +town. + +That autumn the young Rawson-Clew, Captain Polkington's acquaintance, +came into a fortune and took a wife. The latter was, perhaps, on the +whole, a wise proceeding, for, though the wife in question would +undoubtedly help him in the rapid and inevitable spending of the +fortune, she was likely also to enable him to get more for his money +than if he were spending alone. Rawson-Clew was not introduced to this +lady till the winter, then, one evening, he met her at a friend's "at +home." + +She was very pretty, small and fair and plump, with childish blue +eyes, and an anything but childish mind behind them. She had dainty +little feet, as well shaped as any he had ever seen, and she was +perfectly dressed, her gown a diaphanous creation of melting colours +and floating softness, which suggested more than it revealed of her +person, like a nymph's drapery. She was the centre of attraction and +talked and laughed a great deal, the latter in little tinkles like a +child of five, the former from the top of her throat with the faintest +lisp and in the strange jargon that was the slang of the moment. She +knew no more of Florentine art or Wagner or Egyptology than Julia +did, and cared even less. She set out to be intelligently ignorant--to +be anything else was called "middle-class" in her set--and she +achieved her end, although she could do some things extremely +well--play bridge, gamble in stocks and shares and anything else, and +arrange lights and colours with the skill of an artist when a suitable +setting for her pretty self was concerned. She had all the charms of +womanly weakness without any old-fashioned and grandmotherly +narrowness; she was quite free and emancipated in mind and manners, no +man had to modify his language for her; she preferred a double meaning +to a single one, and a _risque_ story to a plain one. She had an +excellent taste in dinners, a critical one in liqueurs, and a catholic +one in men. + +She was most gracious to Rawson-Clew when he was introduced, breaking +up her court and dismissing her admirers solely to accommodate him. +The instant she saw him, before she heard who he was, she picked him +out as the game best worthy of her prowess, and she lost no time in +addressing herself to the chase with the skill and determination of a +Diana--though that perhaps is hardly a good comparison, enthusiasm for +the chase being about the only quality she shared with the maiden +huntress. + +Rawson-Clew did not show signs of succumbing at once to her charms; +she hardly expected that he would, for she gave him credit for knowing +his own value and was not displeased thereby; where is the pleasure of +sport if the quarry be captured at the outset? But if he did not +succumb he did all that was otherwise expected of him, standing in +attendance on her and sitting by her when he was invited to the settee +she had chosen in a quiet corner. So well, indeed, did he comport +himself that by the time they parted she felt fairly satisfied with +her progress. + +Perhaps she would have been less satisfied if she had heard something +he said soon after. A man he knew left the house at the same time he +did and persuaded him to come to the club. On the way the little lady +came in for some discussion; the other man chiefly gave his opinion +though he once asked Rawson-Clew what he thought of his young cousin's +wife. + +"As a wife?" he answered; "I should not think of her. If I wanted, as +I certainly do not, the privilege of paying that kind of woman's +bills, I should not bother to marry her." + +The other man laughed, but if he quarrelled with anything in the +answer, it appeared to be the taste rather than the judgment. He +maintained that the lady was charming; Rawson-Clew merely said-- + +"Think so?" and did not even trouble to defend his opinion. + +At the club he found a box that had come for him by parcels post. A +wooden one with the address printed on a card and nailed to the lid, +which was screwed down. It did not look particularly interesting; he +told one of the club servants to unscrew it for him. When he came to +examine the contents he found, first a lot of damp packing, and then a +wide-necked stoppered bottle, two-thirds full of white powder. It bore +a label printed neatly like the address-- + +"Herr Van de Greutz's Explosive. + +"Formula as he said it...." + +For a moment Rawson-Clew held the bottle, staring at it in blank +astonishment; so tense was his attitude that it caught the other man's +attention. + +"Hullo!" he said, "some one sent you an infernal machine?" + +Rawson-Clew roused himself. "No," he answered shortly. + +He put the bottle back in the box after he had felt in the packing and +found nothing, then he fastened it up with more care than was perhaps +necessary. He looked at the address on the lid, but it told him +nothing more than it had at first; neither that nor the name of the +post-office from which it was sent gave any clue to the sender. And +yet he felt as if Julia were at his elbow with that mute sympathy in +her eyes which had been there when they talked of failure in the wood +on the Dunes. + +He rose, and taking the box, went towards the door; the other man +watched him curiously. "One would think you had found a ghost in your +box," he said. + +"I'm not sure that I have not," Rawson-Clew looked back to answer; +"the ghost of a good comrade." + +Then he went home. + +When he was alone in his chambers and secure from interruption, he +opened the box again and took out all the packing, carefully sorting +it. But he found nothing, no scrap of paper, no clue of any sort; he +took off the linen rag that fastened in the bottle stopper, but that +betrayed nothing either; and yet he thought of Julia. + +She was the only person who could know about the explosive. It had +never been actually spoken of last summer, but the chances were she +knew. She was the only person who could have known or who could have +got it. It was like her, so like that he was as sure as if her name +were in the box that she was the sender. How she had got the stuff he +could not think, he knew the difficulties in the way; but she had done +it somehow, and now she had sent it to him, without name for fear of +embarrassing him, without clue, with no desire for thanks--loyal, +generous, able little comrade! He looked up again; he felt as if she +were bodily present; the whole thing, astounding as he had found it at +first, was somehow so characteristic of her. And because of her +presence he suddenly wished he had not been to that evening's +entertainment and sat close by his cousin's wife and heard the things +she said, and answered the things she looked. He felt as if he were +not clean, as if he had no right to entertain even the ghost of the +good comrade. + +Rawson-Clew was not self-conscious; it never occurred to him to think +if he appeared ridiculous, whether he was alone or in company. He took +off his dress coat and flung it aside with a feeling of disgust; its +sleeve had brushed that woman's bare arm; he could almost fancy that a +suggestion of the scent she used clung to it. He put it out of sight +and fetched some other garment before he came back to the thing which +had recalled Julia. And yet the girl was no lily-child with the dew of +dawn upon her; he did not for one instant think she was; probably, had +she been, she would not have been the good comrade. The facts of life +were not strange to her, she knew them, good and bad; was not above +laughing at what was funny even if it was somewhat coarse, but she had +no taste for lascivious wallowing no matter under what name disguised. +A man could be at home with her, he could speak the truth to her; but +he would not make a point of taking her into the society of that +woman, any more than he would invite a friend to look at the sink, +unless there was some purpose to serve. + +Rawson-Clew took up the bottle and looked at it, and looked at the +address card on the lid, all over again; and there grew in his mind +the conviction that he been a remarkable and particular fool. Not +because he had taken that holiday on the Dunes, nor yet because he had +failed to get the explosive and Julia had succeeded--he believed that +a man might have average intelligence and yet fail there, for he +thought she had more than average. But because he had failed to +recognise a fact that had been existent all the time--the need he had +for the good comrade. Why had he a better liking for his work than of +old? Because it was such as she would have liked, could have done +well, every now and then he fancied her there. Why did he find new +pleasure in the hours he spent reading Renaissance Italian, old +memoirs, the ripe wisdom of the late Tudors and early Stuarts? Because +he found her in the pages, saw her laugh sometimes, heard her +contradict at others; felt her, invisible and not always recognised, +at his elbow. + +He looked round; why should not the presence be fact instead of fancy? +He would go to Mr. Gillat and find her whereabouts; if Julia was in +England, as she probably was, seeing that the box was posted in +London, the old man would know where she was. He would go to Berwick +Street--he looked at the clock--no, not now; it was too late, or +rather too early; he would have to wait till the morning was a good +deal older. + +Unfortunately the carrying out of the plan did not prove very +successful. Berwick Street he found, and No. 31 he found, but not Mr. +Gillat; he was gone and had left no address. Mrs. Horn did not seem +troubled by the omission; he had paid everything before he went away, +and he practically never had any letters to be sent on; why, she +asked, should she bother after his address? + +Rawson-Clew could not tell her why she should, nor did he give any +reason why he himself should. He went away and, reversing the order of +his previous search, went to Marbridge. + +But failure awaited him there, too. When he came to the Polkingtons' +house he found it empty, the blinds down, the steps uncleaned, and +bills announcing that it was to let in the windows. He stood and +looked at it in the grey afternoon, and for a moment he was conscious +of a feeling of desolation and disappointment which was almost absurd. +He turned away and began to make inquiries about the family. He soon +learnt all that was commonly known. They had been gone from East +Street some little time now; they must have left before the box +containing the explosive was posted. Julia had sent it to Aunt Jane's +lawyer, before she set out for the cottage, asking him to dispatch it +at a given date, and he had fulfilled her request, thinking it a +wedding present and the date specified one near the impending +ceremony. This, of course, Rawson-Clew did not find out; he found out +several things about the Polkingtons though, their debts and +difficulties, their sale and the break up of the family. He also found +out that the youngest Miss Polkington was married and the second, and +now only remaining one, had come home before the break up. As to where +the family were now, that was not quite so clear; Mrs. Polkington was +with one of her married daughters; her address was easily obtainable +and apparently considered all that any one could require, and quite +sufficient to cover the rest of the family. Captain Polkington--nobody +thought much about him--when they did, it was generally concluded he +was with his wife. As for Julia, she must have got a situation of some +sort--unless, which was unlikely, she was with her parents. +Rawson-Clew took Mrs. Polkington's address--it was all he could +get--and determined to write to her. + +It did occur to him to write to Julia at her sister's house and +request that his letter was forwarded; but he did not do so; he was +not at all sure she would answer; he wanted to see her face to face +this time. He wrote to Mrs. Polkington and asked her for Julia's +address, introducing himself as a friend met in Holland, and +explaining his reason, vaguely to be connected with that time. + +When Mrs. Polkington received the letter she thought it over a little; +then she showed it to Violet, and they discussed it together. At the +outset they made a mistake; they only knew of one person of the name +of Rawson-Clew--the Captain's young acquaintance; he had certainly +gone away from Marbridge last spring and so in point of time could +have met Julia in Holland, only it was not likely that he had, or that +he had become friendly with her. At least so Violet said; Mrs. +Polkington, who knew what remarkable things herself and family could +do in the way of getting to know people, was inclined to think +differently. On one point, however, they were agreed; it would be very +unpleasant to have to tell one in the position of Mr. Rawson-Clew +about Julia's present proceedings. Giving the address would be giving +the information, or something like it--one would have to +explain--"Miss Julia Snooks, White's Cottage, near Halgrave." + +"We can't do that," Violet said with decision. + +"I might say I would forward a letter, perhaps?" Mrs. Polkington +suggested. + +But Violet did not think that would do either. "Julia would answer +it," she said; "and that would be quite as bad; you know, she is not +in the least ashamed of herself." + +Mrs. Polkington did know it. "I believe you are right," she said, with +the air of one convinced against her will; "Julia has voluntarily cut +herself adrift from her own class; it would be unpleasant and +embarrassing for her as well as for other people to force her into any +connection with it again; I don't think any purpose can be served by +reopening an acquaintance with Mr. Rawson-Clew, we did not know him +at Marbridge"--she never forgot that his circle there did not think +her good enough to know. "I cannot imagine that it would be +advantageous for Julia to write to him or hear from him under the +present circumstances. He comes of a Norfolk family, too (Mrs. +Polkington always knew about people's families even when she did not +know them personally; it was the sort of information that interested +her); I don't know what part of the county his people belong to, very +likely nowhere near Julia; but supposing it were near enough for him +to know from the address what kind of a place Julia was in, it really +might be so awkward; we ought to be very careful for dear Richard's +sake, especially seeing his connection with the Palace. I really think +it would be wiser as you say, to be on the safe side." + +So she kept on that side, which, being, interpreted meant leaving +Rawson-Clew's information much where it was before. She wrote very +nicely, somewhat involved, not at all baldly; but reduced to plain +terms her letter came to this--she was not going to tell Julia's +address or anything about her. + +So Rawson-Clew read it, and very angry he was. And the worst of all +was that on the same night that he received this letter, he also +received orders to go at once to Constantinople. He had no time for +anything and no choice but to go and leave the search. But during his +journey across Europe an idea came to him with the suddenness of an +inspiration. He knew what Julia had done--she had "retired," even as +she had said she hoped to on the first day they walked together. She +had retired somewhere from shams and hypocrisy, from society and her +family; possibly even she had adopted the corduroy and onions part of +the ambition; if so, that would explain her mother's refusal, based +on some kind of pride, to give her address. She had retired, and she +had taken Johnny Gillat with her, and her own people had washed their +hands of her! He knew now what to look for when he should come back. +He might not be back for two months or even three, but when he did +come he would be able to find Julia and talk to her about the +explosive--and other things. + + * * * * * + +It may be here said that the wonderful explosive did not do what was +expected of it, either in England or Holland, for it was found to +decompose on keeping. It did everything else that was boasted of it, +but no one succeeded in keeping it more than fifteen months, an +irremediate defect in an explosive for military purposes. This, of +course, was not discovered at first, and the honour and glory of +obtaining the specimen was considerable, if only there had been some +one to take it. Rawson-Clew did not consider himself the person. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +THE SIMPLE LIFE + + +Julia was collecting fir-cones. All around her the land lay brown and +still; dead heather, and sometimes dead bracken, a shade paler, and, +more rarely, gorse bushes, nearly brown, too, in their sober winter +dress. It was almost flat, a wonderful illimitable place, very remote, +very silent, unbroken except for occasional pine-trees. These were not +scattered but grew in clumps, miles apart, though looking near in this +place of distances, and also in a belt not more than five or six trees +wide, winding mile after mile like a black band over the plain. Julia +stood on the edge of this belt now, gathering the dropped cones and +putting them into a sack. The afternoon was advanced and already it +was beginning to grow dark among the trees, but she determined not to +go till she had got all she could carry. It was the first time she had +been to collect cones; she had sent her father once and Mr. Gillat +once. They had taken longer and gathered less than she, but it was not +on that account that she had gone herself to-day. Rather it was +because she wanted to go to the dark belt of trees which she saw every +day from her window, and because she wanted to go right out into the +wide open land and see what it looked like and feel what it felt like. +And when she got there she found it, like the Dunes, all she had +expected and more. + +At last she had her sack full, and, shouldering it, carried it off on +her back, which, seeing the comfort of the arrangement, must be the +way Nature intended weights to be carried. Clear of the shadow of the +trees it was lighter; the grey sky held the light long; twilight +seemed to creep up from the ground rather than fall from above, as if +darkness were an earth-born thing that gained slowly, and, for a time, +only upon the brighter gift of Heaven. It was quieter, too, out here, +for under the pines, though the weather was still, there was a +breathing moan as if the trees sighed incessantly in their sleep. But +out here in the brown land it was very quiet; the air light and dry +and keen, with the flavour of the not distant sea mingled with the +smell of the pines and the dead ferns--a thing to stir the pulse and +revive the memory of the divine inheritance and the old belief that +man is but a little lower than the angels, related to the infinite and +god-like. + +White's Cottage stood where the heath-land ceased and the sand began. +There was much sand; tradition said it had gradually overwhelmed a +village that lay beyond; indeed, that White's Cottage was the last and +most distant house of the lost place. Be that as it may, it certainly +was very solitary, rather far from the village of Halgrave, with no +road leading to it except the track that came from Halgrave and +stopped at the cottage gate--there was nowhere to go beyond. + +Dusk had almost deepened to darkness when Julia reached the house; it +gleamed curiously in the half light, for it was built of flints, for +the most part grey, but with a paler one here and there catching the +light. She put her sack of cones in one of the several sheds which +were built on the sides of the cottage, and which, being of the same +flint material, made it look larger than it was. Then she went into +the kitchen. + +Johnny Gillat was there before her; he had been busy in the garden all +the afternoon, but, with the help of the field-glasses which he had +not been allowed to sell, he had descried her coming across the open +land. As soon as he was sure of her, and while she was still a good +way off, he hurried away his tools into the house to get ready. He +wanted it all to look to her as it had to him on the day when he came +back from cone-getting--the fire blazing, the tea ready, the kitchen +snug and neat; very unlike the dining-room at Marbridge with the one +gas jet burning and "Bouquet" alight. Of course Johnny did not quite +succeed; he never did in matters small or great, but he did his best. +The dinner things, which Captain Polkington was to have washed, were +not done, and still about. They had to be put in the back kitchen, and +Johnny, who had no idea of saving labour, took so long carrying them +away, that he hardly had time to set the tea. He had meant to make +some toast, but there was no time for that; the first piece of bread +had no more than begun to get warm when he heard Julia's step outside. +But the fire was blazing nicely, and that was the chief thing; even +though the putting on of the kettle had been forgotten. When Julia +came in and saw the fire and crooked tablecloth and hastily-arranged +cups, and Johnny's beaming face, she exclaimed, "How cubby it looks! +Why, you have got the tea all ready, and"--sniffing the air--"I +believe you are making toast; that is nice!" + +Mr. Gillat beamed; then he caught sight of the kettle standing on the +hearth, and his face fell. + +But Julia put it on the fire. "It will give you good time to finish +the toast while it boils," she said; "toast ought not to be hurried, +you know; yours will be just right." + +It was not; it was rather smoky when it came to be eaten, the fire not +being very suitable; but that did not matter; Julia declared it +perfect. This was the only form of hypocrisy she practised in the +simple life; possibly, if she thought of the will more than the deed, +it was really not such great hypocrisy. At all events she practised +it; she did not think truth so beautiful that frail daily life must be +the better for its undiluted and uncompromising application to all +poor little tender efforts. + +During tea the great subject of conversation was the hen house. The +last occupant of the cottage had kept hens and all the out-buildings +were in good repair; however, a recent gale had loosened part of the +roof of this one, and Captain Polkington had been mending it. There +had not been much to do; the Captain could not do a great deal; his +faculties of work--if he ever had any--had atrophied for want of use. +Still, he thought he had done a good day's work, and, as a +consequence, was important and inclined to be exacting. That is the +reason why he had neglected the dinner things; he felt that a man who +had done all he had was entitled to some rest and consideration. Julia +did not mind in the least; if he was happy and contented, that was all +she wished; she never reckoned his help as one of the assets of the +household. For that matter, she had not reckoned Mr. Gillat's of much +value either, but there she found she was a little mistaken. Johnny +was very slow and very laborious and really ingenious in finding a +wrong way of doing things even when she thought she had left him no +choice, but he was very painstaking and persevering. He would do +anything he was told, and he took the greatest pleasure in doing it. +Whether it was digging in the garden, or feeding the pigs, or +collecting firewood, or setting the table for meals, he was certain to +do everything to the best of his ability, and was perfectly happy if +she would employ him. There can be no doubt that the coming to White's +Cottage began a time of real happiness to Mr. Gillat; possibly the +happiest since his wealthy boyhood when he spent lavishly and +indiscriminately on anybody and everybody. The Captain was less happy; +his satisfaction was of an intermittent order. His discontent did not +take the form of wishing to go back to Marbridge or to join his wife, +only in feeling oppressed and misunderstood, and wishing occasionally +that he had not been born or had been born rich--and of course +remained so all his life. He was dissatisfied that evening when the +contentment begotten of his work had worn off; he wanted to go to the +market town to-morrow. Julia was going to get several necessaries for +the household; he considered that he ought to go too, but she would +not take him. + +"You will have a great deal to carry," he protested. + +"Yes," Julia agreed; "but I shall manage it." + +"It is not fit for you to go about alone," her father urged. + +She forebore to smile, though the novelty, not to say tardiness of the +idea amused her; she only said, "It would take you and Johnny too long +to walk into the town; we can't afford to spend too long on the way, +and we can't afford a cart to take us." + +The Captain was not convinced; he never was by any one's logic but his +own; perhaps because his own was totally different to all other kinds, +including the painful logic of facts. He sighed deeply. "It is a +strange, a humiliating condition of things," he observed to Mr. +Gillat, "when a father has to ask his daughter's permission to go into +town." + +Johnny rubbed the side of his chair thoughtfully, then a bright idea +occurred to him. "Ah, but," he said, "gentlemen always have to ask ladies' +permission before they can accompany them anywhere--especially when it is +the lady of the house." + +A wise man might not perhaps have said this last, but Johnny did, and +as it happened, it did not much matter; before the Captain could +answer, Julia rose from the table and began to clear away. + +Sundry household jobs had to be done in the evening; some were always +left till then; in these short dark days it was advisable to use the +light for work out of doors. At last, however, all was done, and Julia +began to arrange for to-morrow. The Captain was sulky and sure that he +would have rheumatism and so not be able to go out. His daughter did +not seem to be greatly troubled; she told him of some easy work in the +house he could do, or if he liked and felt able, he would perhaps go +and get more fir-cones; there were plenty, and they saved other fuel. +The Captain replied that he was not in the habit of taking orders from +his children. + +Johnny looked unhappy; he did not like these ruffles to the tranquil +life; it always pained him for any one to be dissatisfied, with reason +or without it. When Julia turned to him he was even more ready than +usual to take orders; he would have done anything she told him from +sweeping the copper flue to calling upon the rector, but secretly he +hoped she would give him work in the garden. + +The garden was of considerable size, and, by some freak of nature, of +fairly good soil, though the field and most of the surrounding land +was very poor. They had all worked hard in this plot ever since their +coming; there was not much more to be done, or at least not much +planting, which was what Mr. Gillat liked. However, there had been no +sharp frosts yet and Julia, who knew his tastes, thought she could +find something to please him. She called him to the back kitchen and +between them they brought from there a wooden case, the contents of +which she began to sort over to find an occupation suitable to him. +The box was getting rather empty now, but there was still something in +it, bulbs and seeds and printed directions, and a strange mixed smell +of greyish-brown paper and buckwheat husks and the indescribable smell +of Dutch barns. + +It had come from Holland, from the Van Heigens; it was Mijnheer's +present to the disgraced companion who had been so summarily +dismissed. When Julia went to the cottage, it occurred to her to write +to Mijnheer and tell him where she was, and how she meant to live a +harmless horticultural life. She had come to think that perhaps she +ought to tell him; she knew how her own words, about the way they were +thrusting a sinner down, would stay with him and his wife. They would +quite likely grow in the slow mind of the old man until he became +uneasy and unhappy about her, and blamed himself for her undoing. At +the time that she spoke she wasted the words to so grow and germinate; +but now, looking back, she could think differently; after all the Van +Heigens had only done what they thought right, and she had done what +she knew to be at least open to doubt. And they had not thrust her +down; it would take considerably more than that to do anything of the +sort; they had allowed her an opportunity which she had used to +achieve a great success. And now that it was achieved and she had left +it all behind and was settled to the simple life--her vague +ambition--her heart went out to the simple folk who had first shown +her that it might be good; who had been kind to her when there was +nothing to gain, who had made her ashamed. + +So she wrote to Mijnheer and told him that she had fared well, and +found another situation in Holland after leaving his service. Also +that she had now left it and, having inherited a little property, had +come to live in a country cottage with her father. She further said +that she meant to imitate the Dutch and do her own house-work and also +grow things, vegetables especially, in her garden. + +And Mijnheer, when he got the letter, was delighted; so, too, was +Mevrouw; Joost said nothing. They read the letter two or three times, +showed it to the Snieders (including Denah) and to the Dutch girl who +now filled Julia's situation--more or less. They talked over it a +great deal and over Julia too; they remembered every detail about her, +her good points and her great fall. They were as delighted as they +could be to hear that she was well and happy and apparently, good. +Mijnheer especially was pleased to hear that she was with her +father--he did not know that gentleman--he was sure she would be well +looked after with him, and that, so he said, was what she wanted. So, +contrary to their theory, but not out of accord with their practice, +they forgave the sin for the sake of the sinner, and Mijnheer ordered +to be packed, seeds and bulbs and plants for Julia's garden. He +selected them himself, flowers as well as vegetables, sorts which he +thought most suitable; and he ordered Joost to stick to the bags +strips cut out of catalogues where, in stiff Dutch-English, directions +are given as to how to grow everything that can be grown. And if Joost +put in some sorts not included in his father's list, and failed to +tell the good man about it, it was no doubt all owing to his having at +one time associated with the dishonest Julia. + +The packing and dispatching of the box gave great pleasure to the Van +Heigens; but the receiving and unpacking gave even greater pleasure +when at last it reached Miss Snooks at White's Cottage. Julia had not +told Mijnheer why she was Miss Snooks now and he, after grave +consideration, decided that it must be because of the legacy, and in +fulfilment of some obscure English law of property. Having so decided, +he addressed the case in good faith, and advised her of its departure. + +Julia and Mr. Gillat planted the things that came in the box; Julia +planted most, but Mr. Gillat enjoyed it even when he was only looking +on. There was one bulb she set when he was not there to look on, but +it did not come with the others. She chose a spot that best fulfilled +the conditions described in the directions for growing daffodils and +there, late one afternoon, she planted the bulb that she had brought +with her from the Van Heigens. Afterwards she marked the place round +and told Johnny and her father there was a choice flower there which +was not to be touched. + +Julia went to the market town as she had arranged. Mr. Gillat worked +in the garden; Captain Polkington watched him for a little and then +went out, after spending, as he always did, some time getting ready. +He took a basket with him; he thought of collecting fir-cones and he +objected to the sack, though it held a vast deal more; he felt +carrying it to be derogatory to a soldier and a gentleman. It is true +he did not get fir-cones that day, but he really meant to when he +started. + +Julia, in the meantime, did her shopping, and, having loaded herself +with as much as she could carry--more than most people could except +those Continental maids and mistresses who do their own marketing, she +started for home. It was a long walk--a long way to Halgrave and a +good bit beyond that to the cottage. She did not expect to reach the +village till dusk, but she thought very probably she would find her +father or Mr. Gillat there; she had suggested that one or both of them +should come to meet her and help carry the parcels the rest of the +way. + +Johnny fell in with the suggestion; she saw him through the twilight +before she reached the village. Her father, she concluded, was still +sulky at her refusal to have his company earlier and so would not come +now. + +"I suppose father would not come?" she said, as she and Mr. Gillat +walked on after a readjustment of the burden. + +"Oh, no," Johnny answered; "it was not that; I'm sure he would have +come if he had been in when I started, but he was not back then." + +"Not back?" Julia repeated. "Why, where has he gone?" + +"Well," Johnny replied slowly, "he said he was going to get fir-cones, +but I'm not sure, I didn't see him go across the heath. Still, I dare +say he went--he took a basket, so I think he must have gone." + +Julia apparently did not find this very conclusive evidence. "There is +not anywhere much about here where he can go," she said; much less as +if she were stating a fact than as if she were reviewing likely and +unlikely places. "There is only the one road, and that goes to +Halgrave, and there is nowhere for him there." + +"No, oh, no," Johnny said; "there really is nowhere there." + +"There is the 'Dog and Pheasant,'" Julia went on meditatively, "but he +would not get anything he cared about there." + +"No," Mr. Gillat said decidedly; "besides he would not go there, he +would not sit in a small country public house and--er--and--sit +there--and so on--he would not think of going to such a place. It is +one thing when you are out in the country for a day's fishing or +something, to have a glass of ale and a piece of bread and cheese at +an inn, but the other is quite different; he wouldn't do that--oh, no. +To sit in a little bar and--" + +"Booze," Julia concluded for him. "Johnny, you are always a wonder to +me; how you have contrived to live so long and yet to keep your belief +in man unspotted from the world beats me." + +Johnny looked uncomfortable and a little puzzled. "Well, but your +father--" he began. + +"My father is a man," Julia interrupted, "and I would not undertake to +say a man would not do anything--on occasions--or a woman either, for +the matter of that. There is a beast in most men, and an archangel in +lots, and a snob, and a prig, and a dormant hero, and an embryo poet. +There are great possibilities in men; you have to watch and see which +is coming out top and back that, and then half the time you are wrong. +Of course, at father's age, possibilities are getting over; one or two +things have come top and stay there." + +Mr. Gillat opened the cottage door and, not answering these +distressing generalities, fell back on his one fact. "Look," he said, +pointing to an empty peg, "he must have gone after fir-cones; you see +the basket has gone; he took it with him; I am sure he would not have +taken it to the 'Dog.'" + +"I believe their whisky is very bad," Julia said, and seemed to think +more of that than the argument of the basket. "I'll give him another +hour before I set out to look for him." + +She gave him the hour and then, in spite of Mr. Gillat's entreaties to +be allowed to go in her place, set out for Halgrave. But she did not +have to go all the way, for she met her father coming back. And she +early discovered that, if he had not been to the "Dog and Pheasant," +he had been somewhere else where he could get whisky. They walked home +together, and she made neither comments nor inquiries; she did not +consider that evening a suitable time. The Captain was only a little +muddled and, as has been before said, a very little alcohol was +sufficient to do that; he was quite clear enough to be a good deal +relieved by his daughter's behaviour, and even thought that she +noticed nothing amiss. Indeed, by the morning, he had himself almost +come to think there was nothing to notice. + +But alas, for the Captain! He had never learnt to beware of those +deceptive people who bide their time and bring into domestic life the +diplomatic policy of speaking on suitable occasions only. He came +down-stairs that morning very well pleased with himself; he felt that +he had vindicated the rights of man yesterday; this conclusion was +arrived at by a rather circuitous route, but it was gratifying; it was +also gratifying to think that he had been able to enjoy himself +without being found out. But Julia soon set him right on this last +point; she did not reproach him or, as Mrs. Polkington would have +done, point out the disgrace he would bring upon them; she only told +him that it must not occur again. She also explained that, while he +lived in her house, she had a right to dictate in these matters and, +what was more, she was going to do so. + +At this the Captain was really hurt; his feeling for dignity was very +sensitive, though given to manifesting itself in unusual ways. "Am I +to be dependent for the rest of my days?" he asked. + +Julia did not answer; she thought it highly probable. + +"Am I to be dictated to at every turn?" he went on. + +Julia did answer. "No," she said; "I don't think there will be any +need for that." + +Captain Polkington paid no attention to the answer; he was standing +before the kitchen fire, apostrophising things in general rather than +asking questions. + +"Are my goings out and comings in to be limited by my daughter? Am I +to ask her permission before I accept hospitality or make friends?" + +"Friends?" said Julia. "Then it was not 'The Dog and Pheasant' you +went to, yesterday? I thought not." + +"Then you thought wrong," her father retorted incautiously; "I did go +there." + +"To begin with," Julia suggested; "but you came across some one, and +went on--is that it?" + +The Captain denied it, but he had not his wife's and daughters' gifts; +his lies were always of the cowardly and uninspired kind that seldom +serve any purpose. Julia did not believe him, and set to work cross +questioning him so that soon she knew what she wanted. It seemed that +her surmise was correct; he had met some one at the "Dog and +Pheasant"; a veterinary surgeon who had come there to doctor a horse. +They had struck up an acquaintance--the Captain had the family gift +for that--and the surgeon had asked him to come to his house on the +other side of Halgrave. + +When the information reached this point Julia said suavely, but with +meaning: "Perhaps you had better not go there again." + +"I shall certainly go when I choose," Captain Polkington retorted; "I +should like to know what is to prevent me and why I should not?" + +Julia remembered his dignity. "Shall we say because it is too far?" +she suggested. + +After that she dismissed the subject; she did not see any need to +pursue it further; her father knew her wishes--commands, perhaps, he +called them--all that was left for her to do was to see that he could +not help fulfilling them, and that was not to be done by much talking +any more than by little. So she made no further comments on his doings +and, to change the subject, told him she had bought some whisky in the +town yesterday and he had better open the bottle at dinner time. + +The Captain stared for a moment, but quickly recovered from his +astonishment, though not because he recognised that a little whisky at +home was part of a judicious system. He merely thought that his +daughter was going to treat him properly after all, and in spite of +what had been lately said. This idea was a little modified when he +found that, though he drank the whisky, Julia kept the bottle under +lock and key. + +It also seemed that she found a way of enforcing her wishes, or at +least preventing frequent transgressions of them, although, of course, +she was prepared for occasional mishaps. There really was nothing at +the "Dog and Pheasant" that the Captain could put up with even if he +had not been always very short of money--absurdly short even of +coppers--and Julia saw that he was short. There remained nothing for +him but the hospitality of acquaintances, and they did not abound in +Halgrave, the only place within reach; also, as he declared, they were +a stingy lot. The next time he called upon his new friend, the +veterinary surgeon, he was at a loss to understand this; it was unlike +his previous experience of the man and most disagreeably surprising; +he could not think why it should happen. But then he had not seen +Julia set out for Halgrave on the afternoon of the same day that she +explained things to him. She had on all her best clothes, even her +best boots, in spite of the bad roads. She looked trim and dainty as +a Frenchwoman, but there was something about her which suggested +business. + +There are, no doubt, advantages attached to the simple life. It is +decidedly easier to deal with your drawback when you do not have to +pretend it has no existence. You can enlist help from outside if you +can go boldly to veterinary surgeons and others, and say that whisky +is your father's weakness, and would they please oblige and gratify +you by not offering him any. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +NARCISSUS TRIANDRUS STRIATUM, THE GOOD COMRADE + + +The winter wore away; a very long winter, and a very cold one to those +at the cottage who were used to the mild west country. But at last +spring came; late and with bitter winds and showers of sleet, but none +the less wonderful, especially as one had to look to see the tentative +signs of its coming. March in Marbridge used to mean violets and +daffodils, tender green shoots and balmy middays. March here means +days of pale clean light and great sweeping wind which chased grey +clouds across a steely sky, and stirred the lust for fight and freedom +in men's minds and set them longing to be up and away and at battle +with the world or the elements. This restlessness, which those who +have lost it call divine, took possession of Julia that springtime, +and a dissatisfaction with the simple life and its narrow limits beset +her. Surely, she found herself asking, this was not the end of all +things--this cottage to be the limit of her life and ambitions; her +work to grow cabbages and eat them, to keep her father in the paths of +temperance and sobriety, and to make Johnny's closing days happy? The +March winds spoke vaguely of other things; they whispered of the life +she had put from her; the big, wide, moving, thinking, feeling life +which would have been living indeed. Worse, they whispered of the man +who had offered it to her, the man whom her heart told her she would +have made friend and comrade if only circumstances had allowed him to +make her wife. But she thrust these thoughts from her; she had no +choice, she never had a choice; now less if possible than before, +there was no heart-aching decision to make. The work she had taken up +could not be put down; she must go on even if voices stronger and more +real than these wind ones called her out. + +One day the crocuses which Mijnheer had sent came into flower; Julia +thought she had never seen anything so beautiful as the little purple +and golden cups, partly because they had been sent in kindness of +heart, partly, no doubt, because she had grown them herself, and she +had never grown a flower which had its root in the inarticulate joy of +all things at the first flowering of dead brown earth and monotonous +lifeless days. The next event in her calendar, and Johnny's, was the +blooming of the fruit trees. She had seen hillside orchards in the +west country break into a foam of flower--a sight perhaps as beautiful +as any England has to show. But, to her mind, it did not compare with +the sparse white bloom which lay like a first hoar frost on her +crooked trees and showed cold and delicate against the pale blue sky. +After that, nearly every day, there was something fresh and +interesting for Mr. Gillat and Julia, so that the March wind was +forgotten, except in the ill-effect on Captain Polkington with whom it +had disagreed a good deal, both in health and temper. + +That spring, as indeed every spring, there was a flower show in London +at the Temple Gardens. The things exhibited were principally bulb +flowers, ixias, iris, narcissus and the like; the event was +interesting to growers, both professional and amateur. Joost Van +Heigen came over from Holland to attend; he was sent by his father in +a purely business capacity, but of course he was expected, and himself +expected, to enjoy it, too; there would be many novelties exhibited +and many beautiful flowers in which he would feel the sober +appreciative pleasure of the connoisseur. He came to England some days +before the show; he had, besides attending that, to see some important +customers on business, also one or two English growers. + +Now, certain districts of Norfolk are very well suited to the +cultivation of bulbs, so it is not surprising that Joost's business +took him there. And, seeing that he had a Bradshaw and a good map, and +had, moreover, six months ago addressed Julia's box of bulbs to her +nearest railway town, it is not surprising that he found the +whereabouts of the town of Halgrave. It was on Saturday night when he +found it on the map; he was sitting in the coffee-room of a temperance +hotel at the time. He had done business for the day, and, seeing that +the English do not care about working on Sundays, he would probably +have to-morrow as well as to-night free. Julia's town was close--a +short railway journey, then a walk to Halgrave, and then one would be +at her home--it would be a pleasant way of spending the morning of a +spring Sunday. He thought about it a little; he had no invitation to +go and see Julia, and he did not like going anywhere without an +invitation or an express reason. She might not want to see him, or it +might put out her domestic arrangements if he came; he knew domestic +arrangements were subject to such disturbances. He hesitated some +time, though it must be admitted that the fact that he had asked her +to marry him and been refused did not come much into his +consideration. He had not altered his mind about that proposal, and he +did not imagine she had altered hers; his devotion and her +indifference were definite settled facts which would remain as long as +either of them remained, but there was nothing embarrassing in them +to him. At last he decided that he would go, and it was the blue +daffodil which decided him. + +He had never heard what Julia had done with the bulb he had given her. +It was only reasonable to think she had sold it, seeing it was for the +sake of money she had wanted it, but no whisper of any such thing had +reached him or his father. He longed to know about it, to hear the +name of the man who had his treasure; for whom, in all probability, it +was blooming now. It was some connoisseur he was nearly certain; Julia +would not have sold it to another grower. He had not lain any such +condition on her, but she would not have done that; she knew too well +what it meant to him; he never doubted her in that matter, his faith +was of too simple a kind. Still he determined to go and see her, +partly that he might hear the name of the man who bought the blue +daffodil, partly because he wanted to and remembered that Julia, in +the old days, did not seem of the kind to be upset by unexpected +visitors and similar small domestic accidents. + +It was a hot-dinner Sunday at the cottage. These occurred alternately; +on the in between Sundays Julia, supported by Johnny and the Captain, +went to church. On those sacred to hot dinners she stayed at home and +did the cooking, the Captain staying with her. Mr. Gillat used to also +in the winter, but lately, during the spring, he had been induced to +teach in the Sunday school, and now went every Sunday to the village, +first to teach and afterwards to conduct his class to church. + +It was Mr. Stevens, the Rector of Halgrave, who had made this +surprising suggestion to Mr. Gillat. He, good man, had in the course +of time been to see his parishioners at the remote cottage, grinding +along the deep sandy road on his heavy old tricycle; but it was not +during the visit that he thought of Johnny as a teacher; it was when +he made further acquaintance with him at Halgrave. Johnny was the +member of the party who went most often to the village shop; he liked +the expedition, it gave him a feeling of importance; he also liked +gossiping with the woman who kept the shop, and he dearly loved +meeting the village children. On one of these occasions, when Johnny +was engaged in making peace between two little girls--little girls +were his specialty--the rector met him and it was then it occurred to +him that Mr. Gillat might help in the school. It was not much of an +honour, the school was in rather a bad way just now, and boasted no +other teachers than the rector and a raspy-tempered girl of sixteen, +but Johnny was much flattered. He thought he ought to refuse; he was +quite sure he could not teach; the idea of his doing so was certainly +new and strange; he was also sure he was not virtuous enough. But in +the end he was persuaded to try; Julia told him that he might hear the +catechism with an open book, choose the Bible tales he was surest of, +to read and explain, and have his class of little girls to tea very +often. So it came about that Mr. Gillat set out Sunday after Sunday to +school, and if his reading and expounding of the Scriptures was less +in accord with modern light than the traditions that held in the +childhood of the nation, no one minded; the children at Halgrave were +not painfully sharp, and they soon got to love Mr. Gillat with a +friendly lemon-droppish love which was not critical. + +Captain Polkington did not approve of the Sunday-school teaching, +especially on those days when he had to clean the knives. The Sunday +when Joost Van Heigen came was one of these. The Captain watched Mr. +Gillat's preparations with a disgusted face; at last he remarked, "I +wonder if you think you do any good by this nonsense?" + +Johnny, who had got as far as the doorstep, stopped and considered +rather as if the idea had just occurred to him. + +"There must be teachers," he said at length, looking round at the open +landscape; "and there aren't many about." + +"You are a fine teacher!" the Captain sneered. + +Mr. Gillat rubbed his finger along the edge of the Bible he carried. +"I was wild," he confessed; "yes, I was, I don't think--but then the +rector said--and Julia--" + +His meaning was rather obscure, but possibly the Captain followed it +although he did cut him short by saying, "I should never have expected +it of you; if any one had told me that you, one of us, would take to +this sort of thing, I would not have believed it. I mean, if they had +told me in the old days, before things were changed and broken up, +when we were still alive and things moved at a pace--when a man knew +if he were alive or dead and whether it was night or morning." + +"Yes, yes," Johnny said, but not altogether as if he regretted the +passing of those golden days; "things were different then; we didn't +think of it then." + +"Teaching in the Sunday school?" the Captain asked. "Not quite! And if +we had, we shouldn't have thought of coming to it even when we had got +old and foolish." + +Johnny looked uncomfortable and unhappy; then a bright idea occurred +to him. "There wasn't a Sunday school there," he said. "You remember +the hill station?" + +Just then Julia called from the house, "Father, I believe we might +have a dish of turnip tops if you would get them. Johnny, you will be +late if you don't start soon." + +Johnny promptly started, and the Captain, less promptly, sauntered +away to find a basket for the turnip tops, muttering the while +something about people whose religion took the form of going out and +leaving others to do the work. + +But by the time Joost Van Heigen arrived, the Captain was quite +amiable again. He had had a quiet morning with nothing to do after the +turnip tops were brought in and the knives cleaned, and Johnny had had +a long tiring walk home from church in a hot sun and a high wind, +which Captain Polkington felt to be a just dispensation of Providence +to reward those who stopped at home and cleaned knives. Joost arrived +not long after Mr. Gillat; Julia heard the gate click as she was +taking the meat from before the fire. + +"Who is that, Johnny?" she asked. + +Johnny, who had just come down-stairs after taking off his Sunday +coat, looked out of the window. + +"I don't know," he said; "a young man." + +Julia, having deposited the joint on the dish, went to the kitchen +door. "Put the meat where it will keep hot," she said to Johnny; "I +expect it's some one who thinks the last people live here still; +fortunately there is enough dinner." + +She pushed open the unlatched door and saw the visitor going round to +the front. "Joost!" she exclaimed. "Why, Joost, is it really you?" + +She ran down the garden path after him and he, turning just before he +reached the front door, stopped. + +"Good-morning, miss," he said solemnly, removing his hat with a sweep. +"I hope I see you well. I do not inconvenience you--you are perhaps +engaged?" + +"Come in," Julia answered; "I am glad to see you!" + +There was no mistaking the sincerity of her tone; Joost's solemn face +relaxed a little. "You are not occupied?" he said; "I do not disturb +you?" + +"Yes, occupied in dishing up the dinner," Julia said, "which is just +the best of all times for you to have come. Johnny!" she called; +"Johnny, Joost is here." + +Mr. Gillat, who had been carefully placing the dish where the cinders +would fall into it, came to the door. + +"This is Mr. Gillat, a very old friend of mine," Julia explained, and +Joost bowed deeply, offering his hand and saying, "I hope that you are +well, sir." + +Whereupon Mr. Gillat impressed, imitated him as nearly as he could, +and Julia looked away. + +They had dinner in the kitchen on Sundays as well as week days, they +made no difference to-day. Joost looked round him once or twice; he +had never seen a place like this. It was the front kitchen; the +cooking and most of the house-work was done in the back one, a big +barn-like place with doors in all corners. The front one was half a +kitchen and half a sitting-room, warm-coloured, with red-tiled floor +and low ceiling, heavily cross-beamed and hung with herbs and a couple +of hams, in great contrast to the whiteness of the kitchen at the bulb +farm. There were brass and copper pots and pans such as he knew, but +they reflected an open fire, a dirty extravagance unknown to Mevrouw. +Joost glanced at the fire, and it is to be feared that he was at heart +a traitor to his native customs. Then he looked at the open window +where the sunshine streamed in--as was never permitted in Holland--and +he wondered if it really spoilt things very much, and, being a +florist, thought it certainly would spoil the tulips in the mug that +stood on the wide sill. + +During dinner they spoke English for the sake of the Captain and Mr. +Gillat; Joost spoke well, if slowly, with a careful and accurate +precision. He also observed much, both of outside things, as the fact +that Johnny and the Captain cleared the table while Julia sat still, +contrary to Dutch custom. And also of things less on the surface--as +that Julia was head of the household and that Captain Polkington was +not the impressive and authoritative person Mijnheer seemed to think. +Concerning this last fact he made no remark when, on his return home, +he described the ways and customs of Julia's cottage to his parents. +The description served Mevrouw at least, as representative of all +English households ever afterwards. + +When dinner was done and everything cleared up, or rather Julia's +part, she took Joost into the garden. + +"Now," she said in Dutch, "let us come out and talk and look at +things." + +They went out and he began to admire her orderly garden and to tell +her why this plant had done well and that one had failed. He did not +speak of the blue daffodil, he thought he could better ask about that +a little later. She did not speak of it either by name; he and it were +so inseparably connected in her mind. + +"Come along," she said, when he stopped to look into a tulip to see if +its centre was as truly black as it should have been. "Come and see +it." + +He followed her obediently, but asked what it was he was to see. + +"The blue daffodil, of course," she said. + +He stopped dead. "You have got it here?" he exclaimed. "You have not +sold it?" + +"Certainly not." + +"But why--why?" he stared at her in amazement. "You wanted money, it +was for that you wanted the bulb, to sell; you told me so. Do you not +want money now?" + +"Oh, yes," Julia said; "but that is an incurable disease hereditary in +our family." + +"You do want money?" he inquired mystified. "This inheritance is +small, not enough? Why, then, did you not sell the bulb?" + +Julia shrugged her shoulders. "I could not very well," she said. + +"But why not? You thought to do so at one time; your intention was to +sell it if you had--" + +"Stolen it? Yes, that is quite true, and it would not have mattered +then. If I had stolen it I might as well have sold it; one +dishonourable act feels lonely without another; it generally begets +another to keep itself company." + +Joost looked at her uncomprehendingly. "But why," he persisted, +clinging to the one thing he did understand, "why did you not sell it? +It was for that I gave it to you, to do with as you pleased; I knew +you would do only what was right and necessary." + +Julia could have smiled a little at this last word; it seemed as if +even Joost had learnt to temper right with necessity to suit her +dealings, but she only said, "That was one reason why I could not sell +it. You expected me to do right, so I was obliged to do it; faith +begets righteousness as dishonour begets dishonour." + +"I do not quite understand," he began, but she cut him short. + +"No," she said; "we always found it difficult to make things quite +plain, it is no use trying now. Come and see the daffodil, you will +understand that, at all events, and better than I do. It is not quite +fully out yet, but very nearly, and--please don't be disappointed--it +is not a real true blue daffodil at all." + +She took him to the chosen spot and showed him the plant--a bunch of +long narrow leaves rising from the brown earth, and in the midst of +them a single stalk supporting a partly opened flower. In shape it was +single, like the common wild blossom, only much bigger; but in +colour, not blue as was expected, but streaked in irregular unblended +stripes of pure yellow and pure blue. The marking was as hard and +unshaded as that of the old-fashioned brown and yellow tulips which +children call bulls'-eyes, and the effect, though bizarre, was not at +all pretty. Julia did not think it so, and she did not expect any one +else to either; but Joost, when he saw the streaky flower, gave a +little inarticulate exclamation and, dropping on his knees on the +path, lifted the bell reverently so that he might look into it. + +"Ah!" he said softly; "ah, it is beautiful, wonderful!" He looked up, +and Julia, seeing the rapt and humble admiration of his face, forgot +that there was something ludicrous in the sight of a young man +kneeling on a garden path reverently worshipping a striped flower. It +was no abstract admiration of the beautiful, and no cultivated +admiration for the new and strange; it was the love of a man for his +work and appreciation of success in it, even if the success were +another's; also, perhaps, in part, the expression of a deep-seated +national feeling for flowers. + +"Is it what you wished?" Julia asked gently, conscious that she was, +as always, a long way off from Joost. + +"I did not wish it," he said, "because I did not foresee it. No one +could foresee that it would come, though it always might. It is a +novelty, an accident of nature perhaps, but beautiful, wonderful!" + +"Is it a real novelty?" Julia asked. "Just as much as your first blue +daffodil was? Oh, I am glad! Then you have two now." + +"I?" Joost said in surprise. "No, not I; this is yours, not mine; you +have grown it." + +"That's nothing," Julia returned easily; "you gave me the bulb; it is +really your bulb; I only just put it into the ground, I have had +nothing to do with the novelty." + +But if she thought to dispose of the matter in that way she soon found +she was mistaken; there were apparently laws governing bulb growing +which were as inviolable as any governing hereditary titles. The man +who bloomed the bulb was the man who had produced the novelty--if +novelty it was; he could no more make over his rights to another than +a duke could his coronet. In vain Julia protested that it was by the +merest chance that Joost had hit on this particular sort to give her, +that it was only an accident which had prevented him from blooming it +himself. He said that did not matter at all, and when she failed to be +convinced, added that possibly, had he kept the bulb, the result might +not have proved the same; her soil and treatment were doubtless both +different. + +Julia laughed at the idea, saying she knew nothing about soil and +treatment. But she made no impression on Joost and apparently did not +alter the case; the laws of the bulb growers were not only like those +of the "Medes and Persians which alter not," but also refused to be +bent or evaded even by a Polkington. + +"It is yours," Joost said, as he took a last look at the flower before +he rose from his knees; "the great honour is yours, and I am glad of +it." + +There was something in his tone which reminded Julia of that talk they +had had in the little enclosed place on the last day she was at the +bulb farm. She hastily submitted so as to avoid the too personal. +"What am I to do with the honour?" she asked. "I do not know, that is +one reason why it is absurd for me to have it." + +"You must name your flower," he told her; "and then you must exhibit +it. Fortunately you are in time for the show in London." + +"But I can't go to London," Julia said; "it is out of the question for +me to leave home even if I could afford the fare, which I cannot." + +Joost answered there was no need; he could arrange everything for her. +"I can take the daffodil to London with me," he said. "It must be +lifted--you have a flower pot, then it must be tied with care, and it +will travel quite safely." + +"But," Julia objected; "if it is exhibited with my name, and you say +my name as the grower must appear, your father will hear of it and +then he will know that you gave me a bulb--it cannot be exhibited. I +do not care about a certificate of merit or whatever one gets." + +"It must be exhibited," Joost said; "as to my father, he knows +already, I have told him; that does not stand in the way." + +To this Julia had nothing to say; perhaps in her heart she was a +little ashamed because she had suspected him of the half honesty of +only telling what was necessary when it was necessary, that she +herself was likely to have practised in his case. + +"Now you must call your flower a name," he said, "as I called mine +Vrouw Van Heigen." + +"I will call it after you," Julia said. + +But Joost would not have that. "That will not do; the blue daffodil is +already a Van Heigen; there cannot be another, it will make +confusion." + +"Well, I'll call it the honest man, then; that will be you." + +Joost did not like that either; he thought it very unsuitable. "Why +not name it after"--he began; he had meant to say "your father," but +recalling that gentleman, he changed it to--"some one of whom you are +fond." + +[Illustration: "'Now you must call your flower a name,' he said"] + +Julia hesitated. "I like the honest man," she said; "but as you say +it is not suitable, the blue daffodil is really the honest one, this +is too mixed--I shall call it after Johnny; I am fond of him." + +But Joost was romantic; it was only natural with the extreme and +almost childish simplicity of his nature there should be some romance, +and there was nothing to satisfy that sentiment in Mr. Gillat. +"Johnny?" he said; "yes, but it is not very pretty; it does not +suggest a beautiful flower. Why not call it after the heroine of some +book or a friend or comrade? Perhaps"--Joost was only human--"he with +whom you went walking on the Dunes." + +"Him?" Julia said. "I never thought of that. He was a friend +certainly, and a good comrade; he tried hard to get me out of that +scrape; he would have stood by me if I had let him--the same as you +did--you were both comrades to me then. I tell you what, shall I call +it 'The Good Comrade?' Then it would be after you both and Johnny too; +Johnny would certainly stand by me through thick and thin, share his +last crust with me, or father, give me the whole of it. Yes, we will +call the daffodil 'The Good Comrade,' and it shall have three +godfathers." + +With this Joost was satisfied, even though he had to share what honour +there was with two others. Mr. Gillat, of course, when he was told, +was much pleased; he even found he was now able to admire the +wonderful flower, though before, he had agreed with Julia's opinion of +it. To Captain Polkington not much was said about it. + +"Johnny," Julia said, as they stood watching Joost pot the bulb, "you +are not to tell father how valuable this is. He will find out quite +soon enough; people are sure to bother me to sell it after it has been +exhibited, and I am not going to." + +"No," Johnny said; "of course not, naturally not." + +So Captain Polkington had no idea why Joost carried away a carefully +tied-up flower pot when he left the cottage that afternoon. He only +thought the young man must have a most remarkable enthusiasm for +flowers to so burden himself on a long walk. + + * * * * * + +And in due time the wonderful streaked daffodil, "Narcissus Triandrus +Striatum, The Good Comrade," grown by Miss Snooks of White's Cottage, +Halgrave, was exhibited at the Temple Show. And bulb growers, +professional and amateur, waxed enthusiastic over it. And the general +public who went to the show, admired it or not, as their taste and +education allowed them. And among the general public who went, was a +Miss Lillian Farham, a girl who, last September, had travelled north +with carnations in her coat and Rawson-Clew in a corner of the railway +carriage. Miss Farham was an enthusiastic gardener, and having means +and leisure and a real taste for it, she had some notable successes in +the garden of her beautiful home; and when she was in town she never +missed an opportunity of attending a good show, seeing something new, +and learning what she could. She was naturally much interested in the +new streaked daffodil; so much so, that she spoke of it afterwards, +not only to those people who shared her taste, but also to at least +one who did not. + +Rawson-Clew was back in London. He had not been back long, but already +he had begun the preliminaries of a search for Mr. Gillat. He decided +that it would be easier to find him than Julia, who might possibly +have changed her name to oblige her family, and who certainly would be +better able to hide herself, if she had a mind to, than Mr. Gillat. He +had not as yet been able to devote many days to the search, and had +got no further than preliminaries; still he could already see that it +was not going to be easy and might possibly be long. He did not go to +the show of spring flowers; he did not feel the least interest in it, +but when by chance he met Lillian Farham she spoke of it to him and +also of the new daffodil. + +"It was grown at Halgrave, too," she said; "that is not so very far +from your part of Norfolk, is it?" + +"Fifteen or twenty miles," Rawson-Clew answered. + +"Is it so much as that?" she said; "I thought it was nearer; of +course, then, you can't tell me anything about the grower." + +He could not; it is probable even if the place had been much nearer, +he still could not, seeing that it was some years since he had been to +"his part of Norfolk." However, he gave polite attention to Miss +Farham, who went on to describe the wonderful flower of mixed yellow +and blue. + +"Blue?" Rawson-Clew's interest became more real; he had once heard of +blue in connection with a daffodil. It was one evening on a long flat +Dutch road--the evening he had tied Julia's shoe. She had spoken of +it, she had begun to say, when he stopped the confession that he +thought she would afterwards regret, that she could not take the blue +daffodil. + +"What is the name?" he asked; he meant of the grower in Norfolk, +though he would have been puzzled to say why he asked. + +Miss Farham, however, mistook his meaning and thought he was asking +about the flower. "'The Good Comrade,'" she said, and fortunately she +did not see his surprise. "Rather quaint, is it not?" she went on. +"Easier to remember, too, than some obscure grand duchess, or the name +of the grower or his wife after whom new flowers are usually called. +The blue daffodil, you know, is called after one of the grower's +relatives--Vrouw Van Heigen." + +Rawson-Clew said "Yes," though he did not know it before. It struck +him as interesting now; the Van Heigens had a blue daffodil then, and +Julia went to them for some purpose besides earning a pittance as +companion. She had not taken a blue daffodil; she said so; she also +said at another time she had failed in the object of her coming and +that failure and success would have been alike discreditable. Poor +Julia! And now here was some one in Norfolk exhibiting a daffodil of +mixed blue and yellow called, by a strange coincidence, "The Good +Comrade." Of course, it was only a coincidence and yet, when reason is +not helping as much as it ought, one is inclined to take notice of +signs and coincidences. + +"What is the name of the grower of this new flower?" Rawson-Clew +asked. + +Miss Farham told him. + +"Snooks," he repeated thoughtfully; she imagined he was trying to +remember if he had heard the name before. He was not; he was wondering +if any one ever really started in life with such a name; if, rather, +it did not sound more like the pseudonym of one who was indifferent to +public credence, and possibly public opinion. + +Rawson-Clew was not able to tell Miss Farham anything about the grower +of the streaked daffodil; he was obliged to own that he had never +heard of her before. But he made it his business to find out what he +could in the shortest possible time; this he did not mention to Miss +Farham. What he discovered did not amount to much, very little in +fact, but such as it was, it was enough to bring him to Halgrave. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +BEHIND THE CHOPPING-BLOCK + + +Captain Polkington, Johnny and Julia were busy in the garden. It was a +fine afternoon following after two or three wet days and the ground +was in splendid condition for planting, also for sticking to clothes. +The sandy road to Halgrave dried quickly, but the garden, of heavier +soil, did not, as was testified by Julia's boots--she had bought a +small pair of plough-boy's boots that spring and was wearing them now, +very pleased with the investment. By and by the sound of a motor broke +the silence; the Captain and Johnny left off work to listen; at least, +Johnny did; the Captain was hardly in a position to leave off, seeing +that he was off most of his time. + +"It sounds like a motor-car," Johnny said, as if he had made a +discovery. + +"Then it must have lost its way," Julia answered, giving all her +attention to her cabbage plants. + +Johnny said "Yes." It certainly seemed likely enough; the ubiquitous +motor-car went everywhere certainly; even, it was possible to imagine, +to remote and uninteresting Halgrave. But along the ill-kept sandy +road which led to White's Cottage and nowhere else, none had been yet, +nor was it in the least likely that one would ever come except by +accident. + +The sounds drew nearer. "It certainly is coming this way," the +Captain said; "I will go and explain the mistake to the people." + +The Captain went to the gate; but he did not stop there, nor did he +explain anything. His eyesight, never having been subjected to strain +or over work, was good, and the car, owing to the loose nature of the +road, was not coming very fast; he saw it had only one occupant, a man +who seemed familiar to him. For a second the Captain stared, then he +turned and went into the house in surprising haste. He had not the +least idea what had brought this man here; indeed, when he came to +think about it, he was sure it must have been some mistake about the +road. But he had no desire to explain; he felt he was not the person +to do so, seeing that the last (and first) time he had seen the man +was in an unpleasant interview at Marbridge. He connected several +painful things, humiliation, undeserved epithets, and so on, with that +interview and with the face of Rawson-Clew. Accordingly, he went into +the house and waited, and the car came nearer and stopped. + +Johnny and Julia went on with their work; they imagined the Captain +was talking to the strangers; they had no idea of his discreet +withdrawal until Julia came round the corner of the house to fetch a +trowel, and saw Rawson-Clew coming up the path. + +Julia's first feeling was blank amazement, but being a Polkington, and +being that before she took to the simple life and its honest ways, she +allowed nothing more than polite surprise to appear. + +"Why!" she said, "I had no idea you were anywhere near here." + +"I had no idea that you were until recently," he returned. + +She wondered how recently; if it was this minute when chance brought +her for the trowel--very likely it was, and he was here by accident. + +"Have you lost your way?" she inquired. + +"Not to-day." + +"Where were you trying to go?" + +"White's Cottage." + +"Oh!" she said. He did not look amused, but she felt as if he were, +and clearly it was not accident that had brought him. + +"How did you know I was here?" she asked. "There are not many people +who could have told you. I have retired, you know." + +He settled his eyeglass carefully in the way she remembered, and +looked first at the cottage and then at her. "I observe the +retirement," he said; "but the corduroy?" + +"I am wearing out my old clothes first," she answered. + +Just then Johnny's voice was heard. "Hadn't I better water the +plants?" it asked. Next moment Mr. Gillat came in sight carrying a big +water can. "Julia hadn't I better--" he began, then he saw the +visitor. + +"Ah, Mr. Gillat," Rawson-Clew said. "How are you? I am glad to see you +again; last time I called at Berwick Street you were not there." + +Johnny set down the water can. "Glad to see you," he said beaming; +"very glad, very glad, indeed"--he would have been pleased to see +Rawson-Clew anywhere if for no other reason than that he had shown an +interest in Julia's welfare. + +Meanwhile Captain Polkington sat in the kitchen listening for the +sound of the departing motor. But it did not come; everything was +still except for the ceaseless singing of larks, to which he was so +used now that it had come almost to seem like silence. He began to +grow uneasy; what if, after all, Rawson-Clew were not here by accident +and mistake. What if he had come on some wretched and uncomfortable +business? The Captain could not think of anything definite, but that, +he felt, did not make it impossible. The man certainly had not gone, +he must be staying talking to Julia. Well, Julia could talk to him, +she was more fit to see the business through than her father was. +There was some comfort in this thought, but it did not last long, for +just then the silence was broken, there was a sound of steps, not +going down the path to the gate, but coming towards the kitchen door! +The Captain rose hastily--it was too bad of Julia, too bad! He was not +fit for these shocks and efforts; he was not what he used to be; the +terrible cold of the winter in this place had told on his rheumatism, +on his heart. He crossed the room quickly. The door which shut in the +staircase banged as that of the big kitchen was pushed open. + +"You had better take your boots off here, Johnny," Julia said; "you +have got lots of mud on them." + +She took off her own as she spoke, slipping out of them without having +much trouble with the laces. Rawson-Clew watched her, finding a +somewhat absurd satisfaction in seeing her small arched feet free of +the clumsy boots. + +"Are not your stockings wet?" he said. + +"No," she answered; "not a bit." + +"Are you quite sure? I think they must be." + +"No, they are not; are they, Johnny?" She stood on one foot and put +the other into Mr. Gillat's hand. + +Johnny felt it carefully, giving it the same consideration that a wise +housekeeper gives to the airing of sheets, then he gave judgment in +favour of Julia. + +"I was right, you see," she said; "they are quite dry." + +She looked up as she spoke, and met Rawson-Clew's eyes; there was +something strange there, something new which brought the colour to her +face. She went quickly into the other kitchen and began to get the +tea. + +Johnny came to help her, and the visitor offered his assistance, too. +Julia at once sent the latter to the pump for water, which she did not +want. When he came back she had recovered herself, had even abused +herself roundly for imagining this new thing or misinterpreting it. +There was no question of man and woman between her and Rawson-Clew; +there never had been and never could be (although he had asked her to +marry him). It was all just impersonal and friendly; it was absurd or +worse to think for an instant that he had another feeling, had any +feeling at all--any more than she. And again she abused herself, +perhaps because it is not easy to be sure of feelings, either your own +or other people's, even if you want to, and it certainly is not easy +to always want what you ought. Moreover, there was a difference; it +was impossible to overlook it, she felt in herself or him, or both. +She had altered since they parted at the Van Heigens', perhaps grown +to be a woman. After all she was a woman, with a great deal of the +natural woman in her, too, he had said--and he was a man, a gentleman, +first, perhaps, polished and finished, her senior, her superior--yet a +man, possibly with his share of the natural man, the thing on which +one cannot reckon. Just then the kettle boiled and she made the tea. + +"Where is father?" she asked; and Mr. Gillat went to look for him. + +"He is up-stairs," he said when he came back; "he does not feel well, +he says, not the thing; he'll have tea up there; I'll take it." + +Julia looked at Rawson-Clew and laughed. "He does not feel equal to +facing you," she said. + +"Yes, yes," Johnny added, "that's it; that's what he says--I +mean"--suddenly realising what he was saying--"he does not feel equal +to facing strangers." + +"Mr. Rawson-Clew is not a stranger," Julia answered; she took a +perverse delight in recalling the beginning of the acquaintance which +she knew quite well was better ignored. "How odd," she said, turning +to Rawson-Clew, "that father should have forgotten you, just as you +told me you had forgotten him and all about the time when you saw +him." + +"I expect he regarded the matter as trivial and unimportant, just as I +did," Rawson-Clew answered; "though if I told you I had forgotten all +about it I made a mistake; I can hardly say that; I remember some +details quite plainly; for instance, your position--you stood between +your father and me--very much as you did between me and the Van +Heigens." + +"I did not!" Julia said hotly, pouring the tea all over the edge of +the cup; "I didn't stand between you and the Van Heigens. I mean--" + +"Allow me!" Rawson-Clew moved the cup so that she poured the tea into +it and not the saucer. + +"Dear, dear!" Johnny said; he had not the least idea what they were +talking about, but he fancied that one or both must be annoyed, +perhaps by the upsetting of the tea; he could think of nothing else. +"Such a mess," he said; "and such a waste. Is the cup ready? Shall I +take it up-stairs?" + +"No, thank you," Julia said; "I will take it." + +Rawson-Clew did not seem to mind, and Julia, after she had lingered a +little with her father, decided to come down again. If she stayed +away she knew perfectly well that Johnny would do nothing but talk +about her; moreover it was absurd to be put out because Rawson-Clew +could answer better than Mr. Gillat; that was one of the reasons for +which she had liked him. + +Captain Polkington sipped his tea and ate his bread and butter +peacefully. Julia had told him Mr. Rawson-Clew would not be staying +long; she had not exactly said why he was come, it seemed rather as if +she did not know; but apparently nothing unpleasant had happened so +far and he would be going soon, directly after tea no doubt. So the +Captain sat contentedly and listened for the sound of going, but he +did not hear it; they were a very long time over tea, he thought. + +They were; two of them were purposely spinning it out, the third was +only a happy chorus. Julia was in no hurry to face the questions about +the explosive which she feared must come when Johnny's restraining +presence was removed. She knew, as soon as she was sure Rawson-Clew's +coming was design and not accident, that he must have suspected her; +he had come to talk about it and he would do so as soon as he got the +chance, so she put it off. And he was quite willing to wait too; he +was enjoying the present moment with a curious light-hearted enjoyment +much younger than his years. And he was enjoying the future moment, +too, in anticipation, albeit he was a little shy of it--he did not +quite know how he was to close with the garrison in the citadel even +though he might have taken all the outposts. + +But at last tea was done and the table cleared and all the things +taken to the outer kitchen to be washed. Julia decreed that she and +Johnny were to do that, then unthinkingly she sent her assistant for a +tea-cloth. Rawson-Clew was standing by the doorway when Johnny passed; +he followed him out. + +"Mr. Gillat, your plants want watering," he said, quietly but +decisively. + +"They do, they do," Johnny agreed; "I will have to do them by and by." + +"Do them now, it is getting late." + +"It is," Mr. Gillat admitted; "we were late with tea, but there's the +drying of the cups." + +"I will do that." + +Johnny hesitated; Julia's wish was his law, still there seemed no harm +in the exchange; anyhow, without quite knowing how it happened, he +soon afterwards found himself in the garden among the water cans. + +Rawson-Clew went back to the outer kitchen. Julia looked round as she +heard his step, and seeing that he was alone, recognised the +manoeuvre and the arrival of the inevitable hour. + +"Well," she said, coming to the point in a business-like way now that +it was unavoidable; "what is it you want?" + +"I want to know several things," he said, shutting the door. +"Principally why you called your daffodil 'The Good Comrade?'" + +"The daffodil!" she repeated in frank amazement; she was completely +surprised, and for once she did not attempt to hide it. + +"Yes," Rawson-Clew said; "why did you call it 'The Good Comrade?'" + +Julia began to recover herself and also her natural caution. This was +not the question she expected, but the rogue in her made her wary even +of the seemingly simple and safe. "I called it after three friends," +she said, "who were good comrades to me--you, Johnny and Joost Van +Heigen. Why do you ask?" + +"Because I wondered if it was a case of telepathy; I also named +something 'The Good Comrade.'" + +"You?" she said. "What did you name? Was it a dog?" + +"No, a bottle--small, wide-necked, stopper fastened with a piece of +torn handkerchief, about two-thirds full of a white powder!" + +Julia had begun washing the cups; she did her best to betray no sign, +and really she did it very well; her eyelids flickered a little and +her breath came rather quickly, nothing more. + +"Why did you name it?" she asked. "It is rather odd to do so, isn't +it?" + +"I named it after the person who gave it to me." + +Julia's breath came a little quicker; she forgot to remark that the +same reason had helped her in naming her flower; she was busy asking +herself if he meant her by the good comrade. + +"Perhaps I did not exactly name my bottle," he went on to say, "but it +stood for the person to me. It was a sort of physical manifestation--rather +a grotesque one, perhaps--of a spiritual presence which had not really left +me since a certain sunny morning last year." + +"That is very interesting," Julia managed to say; her native caution +had not misled her; the innocently beginning talk had taken a devious +way to the expected end. + +"It was interesting," Rawson-Clew said, "but not quite satisfying, at +least not to the natural man. He is not content with a manifestation +any more than with a spiritual presence; he wants a corporal fact." + +Julia looked up; the talk was taking an unforseen turn that she did +not quite follow, so she looked up. And then she read something in his +face that set her heart beating, that made her afraid, less perhaps of +him than of herself, and the thrill that ran like fire through her +body. + +"I don't quite understand," she said, and dropped a cup. + +It was meant to fall on the flagged floor and break; it would create a +diversion, and picking up the pieces would give her time to get used +to the suffocating heart-beats. She had enough of the Polkington +self-mastery left to think of the manoeuvre and its advisability, +but not enough to carry it out properly; the cup fell on the +doubled-up tea-cloth that lay at her feet and was not broken at all. +Nevertheless the incident and her own contempt for her failure +steadied her a little. + +Rawson-Clew picked up the cup. "Do you not understand," he said. "It +is quite simple; I have put it to you before, too--not in the same +words, but it comes to the same--the plain terms used then were--will +you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" + +Julia's heart seemed to stop for a second, then it went on heavily as +before, but she only asked, "Did you not get my letter, the one I +wrote in Holland about that?" + +"The one when you told me of your arrangements? By the way you did not +mention that you were going to Van de Greutz's for the explosive, yes, +I got that, but it was scarcely an answer." + +"I explained that it meant 'no.'" + +"In a postscript; you cannot answer a proposal of marriage in a +postscript." + +There really does not seem sufficient ground to justify this +statement, still she did not combat it. "Can't I?" she said. "Then I +will answer it now--no. It was good of you to offer, generous and +honourable, but, of course, I should not accept. I mean, I could not +even if there had been any need, and, as you see, there was not a +particle of need then, still less now." + +"No need, no," he answered, and there was a new note in his voice; +"it is not a case of necessity or anything of the sort. Put all that +nonsense of justice and honour and gratitude out of the question, you +know that it does not come in. I own it did weigh somewhat then, but +now--now I want the good comrade; I don't deserve her, or a tithe of +what she has done for me, but I can't do without her--herself, the +corporal fact--don't you know that?" + +"No," Julia said; somehow it was all she could say. + +"You don't know it? Then I'll tell you." But he did not for she +prevented him. + +"Please don't," she said. "You cannot really want me because you do +not really know me. Oh, no, you do not!" + +"I think I do; I know enough to begin with; the rest of the ignorance +you can remedy at your leisure." + +"My leisure is now," she said; "I will tell you several things, I will +tell you how I got the explosive. I went as a cook and stole like a +thief--you could have got it as easily as I if you would have stooped +as readily as I did. You admire that? Perhaps so, now, but you would +not if you had seen it being done. That is the sort of thing I do, and +I will tell you the sort of thing I like. The day I came home from +Holland I did what I liked--as soon as I reached London I went to +Johnny Gillat, my dear old friend, who I love better than any one else +in the world, and we had a supper of steak and onions in a back +bedroom, and we enjoyed it--you see what my tastes are? Afterwards I +heard how father had taken to drink and mother had got into debt--you +see what a nice family we are?" + +But here Rawson-Clew stopped her. "I knew something like this before," +he said; "the details are nothing; I do not see what it has to do with +the matter." + +"It ought to have a lot," she answered. "But even if you do know it +and a good deal more and realise it too, which is a different thing, +there is still the other side. I don't know you, I don't even know +your name." + +Then he remembered that he must have signed that offer of marriage, as +he signed all letters, and so left himself merely "H. F. Rawson-Clew" +to her. + +"You see," she was saying, "it is a mistake for people who don't know +each other very well to marry, they would always be getting unpleasant +surprises afterwards. Besides, it would be so uncomfortable; it must +be pretty bad to live at close quarters with some one you were--who +you didn't know very well, with whom you minded about things." + +She had touched on something that did matter now, that might matter +very much indeed; Rawson-Clew realised it, and realised with a start +of pain, that there might be a great gulf between him and the good +comrade after all. Her quick intuitions and perceptions had bridged it +over and led him to forget that he was a man of years and experience +while she was a girl, a young, shy, half-wild thing, veiled, and +fearing to draw the veil for his experienced eyes. + +"Tell me," he said, facing her and looking very grave and old, "is +that how you feel about me?" + +She fidgeted the tea-cloth with her foot, but being a Polkington, she +was able to answer something. "We belong to different lots of people," +she said, examining the shape the thing had taken on the floor; "I +have got my life here, working in my garden and so on; and you have +got yours a long way off among greater things." + +"You have not answered me," he said. "Tell me--am I the man you +described?" + +He turned her so that she could look at him, the thing she dared not +do. His touch was light, almost momentary, but it was too much, it +thrilled through her wildly, irresistibly, and she drew back fearing +to do anything else. + +"Don't!" she said, and her voice was sharp with the anger of pain. + +He stepped back a pace. "Thank you," he said; "I am answered." + +Captain Polkington had been dozing; there really was nothing else to +do; but suddenly he was aroused; there was a sound below; the motor +moving at last. Yes, it was going, really going; he went to the window +and, taking care not to be seen, watched the car go down the sandy +road. After that he went down-stairs, and finding Johnny, who had +finished his watering, persuaded him to come for a stroll on the +heath. They took a basket to bring home anything they might find, and +shouted news of their intention to Julia, who did not answer, then set +out. + +Now, in the present state of their development, motors are not things +on which a man can always rely. More especially is this the case when +any one like Mr. Gillat has had anything to do with them. The obliging +Johnny, had arranged the inside of Rawson-Clew's car, covering up what +he thought might be hurt by the sun and blowing sand while it stood at +the roadside, and taking into the house when he went in to tea, +anything that could be stolen if--as was quite out of the +question--one came that way with a mind to steal. Johnny had brought +back most of the things and replaced them before Rawson-Clew started, +but not quite all. When the car had got a little distance down the +road it, with a perversity worthy of a reasonable being, developed a +need for the forgotten item. Rawson-Clew searched for it, could not +find it, discovered that he could not get on without it, and, +thinking if not saying something not very complimentary about Mr. +Gillat, walked back to the cottage. + +He supposed he would find Johnny in the garden, but he did not; he and +the Captain were some way out on the heath now, and, fortunately for +the latter's peace, neither saw any one approach the cottage. +Rawson-Clew looked round the garden and finding no one decided, rather +reluctantly, that he must go to the house. He did not want to meet +Julia again; he thought it rather unlikely that she should still be in +the kitchen, but there was a chance of it, so he approached with a +view to reconnoitering before presenting himself. The outer kitchen, +which partook rather of the nature of a wash-house, had a large +unglazed window; when he drew near to this he heard a noise from +within. It sounded like some one sobbing, not quiet sobs, but slow +deep spasmodic ones like the last remains of a tempest of tears which +has not spent itself but only been imperfectly suppressed by sheer +will. Rawson-Clew paused though possibly he had no business to do so. + +"Oh, why," one wailed from within, "why is not father dead? If he were +dead--if only he had been dead!" + +The unglazed window was large and rather high up, but Rawson-Clew was +a man of fair height; he was also usually considered an honourable +one, but when he heard the voice, saying something which was plainly +only meant for the hearing of Omnipotence, he did not go away. He put +his hands on the flintwork of the window-sill and in a moment found +himself in the twilight of the unceiled kitchen. + +Julia was crouching in a corner, her elbows on the old chopping-block, +her face hidden on her tightly-clenched hands, while she struggled +angrily with the shaking sobs. For a moment she struggled, then +mastered herself somehow and looked up, perhaps because she meant to +rise and set about her work. She had been crying hard and tears do not +improve the average face, certainly they did not hers; and she had +been trying hard to stop, cramming a screwed-up handkerchief into her +eyes and that did not improve matters either. One would have said her +face could have expressed nothing but the extremity of unbecoming woe, +yet when she caught sight of Rawson-Clew standing just under the +window it changed extraordinarily and to anger. + +"Go away!" she said; "go away! Do you hear?" + +Rawson-Clew did not go away; he came nearer and Julia drew further +into the corner, ensconsing herself behind the chopping-block, and +looking about as inviting of approach as a trapped rat. + +"Julia," he said. + +"Go away!" was her only answer. + +"Why did you send me away?" + +"Because I wanted you gone." + +"Because Captain Polkington is not dead? Is that it?" + +"You are a dishonourable eavesdropper! No, it wasn't that." + +He sat down on the chopping-block barricading her corner so that she +could not get out without stepping over him. "Do you know it strikes +me that you are not strictly honest either, at least not strictly +truthful just now." + +Julia tugged at her skirt; the chopping-block was on the hem and he on it +so that she could not get free. "Will you please go," she said, with a +catch in her breath. That is the worst of these half-suppressed, unspent +storms of tears, they have such a tendency to return and break out again +inconveniently. + +"If it were not for Captain Polkington would you have sent me away?" +he asked. + +"Y--e--s," she answered, fighting with her tears. "Oh, go! Please, +please go!" + +She crumpled herself into a small miserable heap and he leaned over +the block and drew her into his arms. + +For a moment she struggled, burrowing her head into his coat; there +was a good deal of burrowing and not much struggling. "No, you +wouldn't," he said to her hair, "you would have married me." + +"I might have said I would, but I shouldn't really have done it," she +contended without looking up. "I shouldn't when it came to the point. +You had better let me go, I am spoiling your coat, my face is all +wet--and I don't know where my handkerchief is." + +"Take mine, you will find it somewhere. Tell me, why would you not +have married me when it came to the point? Because your courage failed +you?" + +No answer; then, "I can't find that handkerchief." + +"You have not tried. Are you afraid to try? Are you afraid of me? Is +that why you would not have married me--you would have been afraid to +live at close quarters with me? Do you still think you don't know me +well enough?" + +"I don't know your name." + +The answer was ridiculous, but he knew how the ridiculous touched even +tragedies for Julia. + +"Hubert Farquhar Rawson-Clew," he said solemnly. "Now--" + +But whatever was to have followed was prevented, for at that moment +she looked up, and for some reason, suddenly decided things had gone +far enough, and so freed herself. + +"I don't think it matters much what I should have done," she said, "or +why, either. Father is not dead; you ought to know better than to talk +about such a thing; it is bad taste." + +"Does that matter in the simple life? I thought when you retired you +were going to dispense with falsity and pretences, and say and do +honestly what you honestly thought, when it did not hurt other +people's feelings." + +"So I do," she answered; "that is why, when I thought I was alone just +now, I asked out loud how it was that father was still alive. Since +then I have seen." + +"What have you seen?" + +"That it is to prevent me from making a great muddle of things. If he +had been dead I dare say I should have married you--I may as well +confess it since you know--and we both should have repented it ever +afterwards. As it is, if I were free to-morrow, I would know better +than to do it." + +He did not seem much troubled by the last statement. "We should have +had to talk things over," he said. + +"No, talking wouldn't have been any good," she answered; "there is a +great distance between us." + +He looked down at the space of red tiles that separated them. "That is +rather remediable," he observed. + +"Do you think I am not in earnest?" she said. "I am. There is a real +barrier; besides all these things I have mentioned there is something +else that cuts me off. I have a debt to pay you and until it is paid, +if I were your own cousin, I could not stand on the same platform." + +"A debt?" he repeated the word in surprise. His young cousin's loan to +Captain Polkington had slipped his memory, and even if it had not, its +connection with the present would not have occurred to him. Julia had +been there, it is true, when the affair was talked of eighteen months +ago, and he himself had unofficially paid the money to end the matter, +but he never dreamed of connecting either her or himself with it now. +Still less would he have dreamed that she considered herself bound to +pay him what her father had borrowed from another. + +"What debt?" he asked, thinking the word must be hyperbolical, and +meant to stand for something quite different, though he could not +imagine what. + +"You have forgotten?" she said. "I thought you had; that only shows +the distance more plainly; you have one standard for yourself and +another for me." + +"Tell me what it is and let us see if we cannot compound it." + +But she shook her head. "It can't be compounded," she said; "you will +know when I pay it." + +"And when will that be?" + +"Ten years, twenty perhaps, I don't know. I thought once or twice +before I could pay it--with the blue daffodil once, and once when I +first got the cottage and things--I thought, to be sure, I could do +it; it seemed a Heaven-sent way. But"--with a little glint of +self-derision--"Heaven knows better than to send those sort of easy +ways to the Polkingtons; they are ill-conditioned beasts who only +behave when they are properly laden by fate, and not often then. Now +you know all about it, so won't you say good-bye and go?" + +"I don't know about it and, what is more, I don't care. I am not going +to let this unknown trifle, this scruple--" + +Just then there came the sound of voices outside; Mr. Gillat and +Captain Polkington unwarily coming back before the coast was clear. + +"Yes," Johnny was saying, "he came to see me in town, you know--or +rather you, but you were out--" + +"He came to see me? He"--there was no mistaking the consternation in +the Captain's tone, nor his meaning either. + +Julia and Rawson-Clew looked at one another; both had forgotten the +Captain's existence for a moment; now they were reminded, and though +the reminder seemed incongruous it was perhaps opportune. + +"There is father," Julia said. + +And he nodded. One cannot make love to a man's daughter almost in his +presence, when the proviso of his death is an essential to any +satisfaction. Rawson-Clew went to the door. "Good-bye," he said, "for +the present." + +"Good-bye for always," she answered. + +She spoke quite calmly, in much the same tone when, on the morning +after the excursion to the Dunes, she had bid him good-bye and tried +to face the consequences alone. She had had so many tumbles with fate +that it seemed she knew how to take them now with an indifferent face. +At least, nearly always, not quite--the wood block still lay before +the corner in which she had crouched the marks on his coat where her +tears had fallen were hardly dry. There was passion and to spare +behind the indifferent face, passion that for once at least had broken +through the self-mastery. + +He held out his hand and she put hers into it. "Good-bye," he +repeated; "good-bye for the present, brave little comrade." + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +CAPTAIN POLKINGTON + + +Captain Polkington was watching a pan of jam. It was the middle of the +day and warm; too warm to be at work out of doors, as Johnny was, at +least so the Captain thought. He also thought it too warm to watch jam +in the back kitchen and that occupation, though it was the cooler of +the two, had the further disadvantage of being beneath his dignity. +The dignity was suffering a good deal; was it right, he asked himself, +that he, the man of the house, should have the menial task of watching +jam while Julia talked business with some one in the parlour? He did +not know what business this person had come on; he had seen him arrive +a few minutes back, had even heard his name--Mr. Alexander Cross--but +that was all he knew about him; Julia had taken him into the parlour +and shut the door. Naturally her father felt it and was annoyed. + +There was a door leading into the parlour from the front kitchen. It +was fast closed but the Captain, leaving the jam to attend to itself, +went and looked at it. While he was standing there he heard three +words spoken on the other side by the visitor; they were--"your new +daffodil." + +So that was the business this man had come on! He was trying to buy +Julia's ugly streaked flower. The Captain's weak mouth set straight; +he felt very strongly about the daffodil and his daughter's refusal +to sell it. He knew she might have done so; she had had a good many +letters about it since it was exhibited in London. She said little +about the offers they contained, but he knew she refused them all; he +had taxed her with it and argued the question to no purpose. Now, +to-day, it seemed there was a man so anxious to buy the thing that he +had actually come to see her; and she, of course, would refuse again. +The Captain sat down in the easy-chair; he was overcome by the thought +of Julia's contrary stupidity. + +The chair was near the door, but he would have scouted the idea that +he was listening; he was a man of honour, and why should he wish to +hear Julia refuse good money? Also it was impossible to hear all that +was said unless the speakers were close to the door. Apparently they +must have been near for no sooner had he sat down than he heard the +man say, "Haven't I had the pleasure of seeing you somewhere before, +Miss Snooks? Your face seems familiar though I can't exactly locate +it." + +"We met at Marbridge," Julia answered; "at a dance, a year and a half +ago." + +"At Marbridge? Oh, of course! Funny I shouldn't have remembered when I +heard your name the other day!" + +Captain Polkington did not think it at all funny; he did not know who +Mr. Cross might be, nobody important he judged by his voice and +manner--hostesses at Marbridge often had to import extra nondescript +men for their dances. But whoever he was, if he had been there once he +might go there again and carry with him the tale of Julia's doings and +home and other things detrimental to the Polkington pride. The Captain +listened to hear one of the two in the other room refer to the change +of name which had prevented an earlier recognition. But neither did; +she saw no reason for it, and he had forgotten her original name if he +ever knew it. + +"I remember all about you now," he was saying; "you danced with me +several times and asked me about the Van Heigens' blue daffodil"--he +paused as if a new idea had occurred to him. "You were not in the line +then, I suppose?" he asked. + +"No, I knew nothing about flower growing or selling," she answered. +"What you told me of the value of the blue daffodil was a revelation +to me." + +He laughed a little. "But one you'll try to profit by," he said. + +The Captain moved in his chair. He could have groaned aloud at the +words, which represented precisely what Julia would not do. +Unfortunately his movement had much the same effect as his groan would +have done, some one on the other side of the door moved too, and in +the opposite direction. It must have been Julia, her father was sure +of it; it was like her to do it; she must have gone almost to the +window; he could not make out what was said. The man was no doubt +trying to buy the bulb; a stray word here and there indicated that, +but it was impossible to hear what offer was made. It was equally +impossible to hear what Julia said; her father only caught the +inflection of her voice, but he was sure she was refusing. + +In disgust and anger he rose and, having pulled the jam to the side of +the fire, went into the garden. There he took the hoe and started +irritably to work on a bed near the front door; it was some relief to +his feelings to scratch the ground since he could not scratch anything +else. + +In a little while Cross came out. "Well, if you won't, you won't," he +was saying as Julia opened the door. "I think you are making a +mistake; in fact, if you weren't a lady I should say you were acting +rather like a fool; but, of course, you must please yourself. If you +think better of it you can always write to me. Just name the price, a +reasonable price, that's all you need do. We understand one another, +and we can do business without any fuss--you have my address?" + +He gave her a card as he spoke, although she assured him she should +not want it; then he took his leave. + +She watched him go, tearing up the card when he had set off down the +road. Captain Polkington watched her. + +"What did he want?" he asked, remembering that he was not supposed to +know. + +"The bulb," she answered. + +"And you would not sell it?" + +"No." + +She had come from the doorstep now to pull up some weeds he had +overlooked. + +"I can't understand you, Julia," he said resting on his hoe, and +speaking as much in sorrow as in anger. "You seem to have so little +sense of honour--women so seldom have--but I should have thought that +you would have had a lesson on the necessity, the obligation of paying +debts. When you come to think of the efforts we are making to pay +those debts, how I am straining every nerve, giving almost the whole +of my income, doing without everything but the barest necessaries, +without some things that are necessaries in my state of health, what +your mother is doing, how she has given up her home, her husband, to +live almost on charity in her son-in-law's house. When you think of +all that, I say, and of what your sisters have done, it does seem +strange that you should grudge this bulb, simply and solely because it +was given you by some people for whom you care nothing." + +Julia agreed; she never saw the purpose of contradicting when +conviction was out of the question. "It does seem strange," she said; +"but there is one comfort, the worst of the debts will be cleared off +by the end of the year. Uncle William knows that and has arranged for +it in his own mind; I really think it would be almost a pity to +disturb the business plans of any one so exact." + +"Are we," the Captain returned scornfully, "to pinch and save to the +end of the year? Am I to do without the few comforts that might make +life tolerable? Am I to work like a farm labourer and live like one +till then, because you choose to keep this bulb?" + +Julia thought it was very probable things would go on as they were for +some time, but she did not say so; she only said, "I am sorry you find +it so trying." + +"Trying!" her father said, and stopped, as if he found the word and +most others very inadequate. "After all, it does not much matter," he +remarked in a tone of gloomy resignation. "I shan't be here, in any +one's way, much longer; there is not the least chance that I shall +live till the end of the year, and when I am gone you can do what you +please, what you must, with your bulb. I own I should like to see you +a little more comfortable and better off now. I hate to have you doing +servant's work and going shabby as you have to. I should like you to +be decently dressed, taking your proper place in society, but if you +think it right to go on as you are and to keep your bulb, of course I +have nothing to say." + +It was as well he had nothing, for Julia remembered the jam and went +indoors, so he would have had no one to say it to. She went into the +back kitchen, thinking, but not of the jam. Once again the temptation +to sell the daffodil beset her; not to Cross, he was the last man to +whom she would have sold it, but to some collector who would care for +it as the Van Heigens would. She could easily find such a one with or +without assistance from Cross; little harm would be done to the Van +Heigens by it; indeed Joost had expected her to do no less, and if she +did it she could pay--not the debts her father had mentioned--but the +one he had not. She had thought this all out before, seen the +arguments on both sides, and arrived at her conclusion; but there are +some things that are not content with this treatment once, nor even +twice, but demand it a good many more times than that. So she thought +it out again and came again to the old conclusion. Joost had given her +the bulb because he loved her; he had made no conditions because he +believed in her; he had even professed himself content that she should +sell it because, in his humbleness and generosity, he wanted only that +she should get what ease she could. He was content to make what was to +him a great sacrifice for no other reason than that she should have a +little more money on mere caprice, the very nature of which he did not +know. And so she could not do it, that was the end of the whole +matter. She could not take the gift of the man who loved her to pay a +debt to the man she loved. + +She went to fetch jam pots, without calling herself to order for the +last admission. It was the one luxury she had at that time; daily and +nightly she could admit to herself that she loved him and he loved +her. Not exactly passionately--they were not passionate people, she +told herself--but in an odd companionable equal sort of way which was +the best in the world. Nothing would ever come of it, even in the +remote future when her father was dead and the debt paid. By that time +both of them would have grown old and set in their far separate ways, +and even if he ever heard that she was free he would have become +wiser and changed his mind. So there was no end to this thing, no +awakening and disillusioning, none of the disappointment and +dreariness which is likely to attend the translating of a dream into +work-a-day life. For that reason it should have been possible to be +content, even with the thing which stood between her and +realisation--sometimes it almost was, at least she persuaded herself +so. At others there were things harder to control; brief moments when +crushing down all opposition and obliterating other thoughts, came the +memory of how she had crouched behind the chopping-block, how hidden +her tears in his coat. There was no reason or common-sense in that, no +friendship or good-fellowship in the clasp of his arms; it was the +natural man and the natural woman, and absence could not change it, +nor time take it away; it had been, it might be again, it obeyed no +law and answered to no argument in the world. It was something which +made her ashamed and afraid and yet glad with a rare incommunical +gladness that was pointed with pain. + +Just then the jam boiled over, and she had to leave her pots to run +and save it. + +It is a great thing to have your mind under fair control; the +Polkington training, wherein the advisable and advantageous were +compelled to rank high even in matter of emotion, is not without use +in bringing this about. But it is also a great thing, almost, perhaps, +a more important one for some people, to have plenty to do even if it +is only making jam. + +While Julia made her jam Captain Polkington hoed; at least he did for +a little while, then he gradually ceased and stood leaning upon his +hoe, lost in unhappy thought. At last he moved, and, gathering the +withering weeds that lay beside the path, carried them to an old +basket which he had left beside the garden wall. With the weeds he +picked up the torn fragments of card which Julia had dropped beside +the doorstep; he let them fall into the basket with the other rubbish, +but when he saw them gleaming white among the green they arrested his +attention. For a moment he looked at them, then he carefully picked +them out; he had some thought of appealing to Julia once more, or +telling her that he had saved the man's address for her and she had +one last chance. He sat down on the wall; would it be any good to +appeal? he asked himself despondently. Would anything be any good? Was +not everything a failure? No one regarded him; Cross, the man whose +card he held, had not even glanced in his direction when he went down +the path. A miserable bargain-driving tradesman had passed him and +paid no more attention to him than if he had been a gardener! Gillat, +his own friend, did not regard him, thought nothing of his comforts; +he was all for Julia; thought of nothing and no one else. As for Julia +herself, she had not the slightest regard for him, no consideration, +not even filial respect and obedience. + +He looked gloomily before him for a little, then his eye fell on the +white fragments he held, the address of the man who was anxious to buy +the daffodil which Julia in her obstinate folly and selfish +unreasonableness, would not sell. If it only were sold! He thought +over all the good things that could then be done; they were the same +as those excellent reasons that he had himself given a little while +back. Some people might have said they were rather diverse and not all +mutually inclusive, but no such idea troubled him; he was sure all +could easily have been done if the daffodil were sold. He felt that he +could have done it all quite well, he did not stop to think how--if he +had had the handling of the money he could have been a benefactor to +his whole family, especially Julia. It was hard that he should be +prevented, bitterly hard; it had so often happened in his life that he +had been prevented from doing what was good and useful by want of +means and opportunity or the stupid obstinacy of other people. He grew +more and more depressed as he sat on the wall thinking of these things +and wondering if there were many men so useless, so unfortunate and +misunderstood as he. + +This depression lasted all that day and on into the next; indeed, for +some time longer. It lifted a little once in the course of a week, but +not much, and soon settled down again, making the Captain very +miserable, disinclined for work, and decidedly bad company. Johnny +thought he was not well, but Julia fancied his trouble had something +to do with annoyance and the daffodil. He did not confide in either of +them, maintaining a proud and gloomy silence and nursing his grievance +so that it grew. For days he cherished his sense of injury and wrong, +until it became large and took a good hold upon him. Then, all at +once, for no reason that one can give, a change came, and his mind, as +if smitten by a gust of wind, began to veer about, to stir and +lighten. Why, he suddenly asked himself, was it that Julia would not +sell the bulb? Because--the answer was so absurdly simple he wondered +it had not occurred to him before--because it was the Van Heigens' +present, and one cannot sell presents. He perfectly understood the +scruple, honoured it even; but he also saw quite plainly that, though +it prevented her from selling the daffodil, it did not stand in the +way of its being sold. She could not, of course, authorise the sale, +any more than she could conduct it; but that was no reason why she +should not be very pleased to have it sold. Indeed, not only was this +a probability, practically a certainty, but more than likely she had +had some such idea in her mind when she spoke of the matter to her +father--in all likelihood she was wondering now why he had not taken +the hint. + +Thus Captain Polkington reasoned, seeing light at last in the dimness +of the depression which had possessed him. Quite how much he really +believed, or even if he were capable of real reasonable belief at this +stage of his career, it is not easy to say. It is possible he may have +thought he was right for the time being; his conscience was capable of +remarkable gymnastic feats at times. It is also possible that he, like +some others of the human race, was not really able to think at all. +Anyhow the depression that weighed upon him lifted, and he remembered +with satisfaction that he had kept the torn fragments of Cross' card. + +In the early part of the summer the hyacinths, tulips, and finer +narcissus had been taken out of the ground and put to dry. Julia hoped +by this means to get more and better flowers from them next year than +is the case when they are left in the earth. They took some time to +dry and were not really ready till the summer was far advanced; but +that did not matter to her, however it may have inconvenienced her +father; she was too busy to attend to them earlier. By the middle of +August they were ready, and she set to cleaning them in her spare time +with Johnny to help her. He was proud and pleased to do so, and did +not in the least mind the extreme irritation of the skin which befalls +those who rub off the old loose husks. A place was prepared for the +bulbs in one of the sheds, the wide shelf cleared and partitions made +in it by Mr. Gillat, who also spent some time in writing labels for +each of the divisions. Julia told him this was unnecessary as she knew +by the shape which were hyacinths and which tulips; still he did it. +Captain Polkington did not offer any assistance; he merely looked on +with indifferent interest; the matter did not seem to concern him. + +But one day, towards the end of the month, but before the bulbs were +all done, Julia went into the town. + +Captain Polkington saw her start; then he wandered to the shed where +Johnny was at work. For a little he stood watching, then he walked +leisurely round the place looking at this and that. + +"You will never be able to tell which is which of these things," he +remarked at last. + +Johnny looked at his somewhat conspicuous labels. "I've named them, +don't you see 'Tulips?'" + +"But you don't say what sort of tulips, which are red and which +yellow. Nor what sort of narcissus, which are daffodils and which the +bunchy things." + +"No," Mr. Gillat admitted; "no, they got mixed in the digging up; I +forgot, and put them all in the barrow together; that's how it +happened." + +"What? The whole lot?" the Captain inquired. "The streaked daffodil +and all? What did Julia say?" + +"She said it did not matter," Johnny told him; "they'll be all the +more surprise to us when they come up next year." + +"She didn't mind, not even about the streaked daffodil?" + +"Oh, that was not there," Mr. Gillat said, serenely unconscious that +the fate of that bulb was the only interest. "We have got that by +itself." + +He showed a little piece of shelf penned off from the rest and +carefully covered with wire netting for fear of rats. Three different +shaped bulbs were there in a row. + +"That's it," Johnny said, pointing to one of the three. "And that end +one is the red tulip with the black middle; it is supposed to be very +good; and that other is the double blue hyacinth from down by the +gate; we are going to try it in a pot in the house next year and have +it bloom early." + +Captain Polkington nodded, but did not show much interest. "Did you +put these here, or did she?" he asked. + +"She did," Johnny answered. "She cleans them much better than I do, +and we knew they were choice ones, the best one of each kind, so she +cleaned them; but I made the wire cover." + +The Captain did not praise the ingenuity of this contrivance, which he +did not admire at all, and soon afterwards he sauntered back to the +house. He was dozing in the easy-chair in the front kitchen when +Johnny came in to change his coat before setting out to meet Julia. He +did not seem to have moved much when Mr. Gillat came down-stairs ready +to start. + +"What?" he roused himself to say when Johnny announced his +destination. "Oh, all right, you need not have waked me to tell me +that, it really is of no importance to me if you like to walk in the +blazing sun." He settled himself afresh in the chair, muttering +something about the heat, and Johnny went out, quietly closing the +door after him. + +It was an hour later when Julia and the faithful Johnny came back, the +latter decidedly hot although he was carrying one of the lightest of +the parcels. Captain Polkington was still in his chair; he woke up as +they entered. + +"Why," he said, "I must have dropped asleep!" He rose and went to take +Julia's parcels. "Let me put these away for you," he said +solicitiously; "it is a great deal too hot for you to be walking in +the sun and carrying all these things." + +"Thank you," Julia answered; "that's all right. Perhaps you would not +mind getting the tea, though; if you would do that I should be glad." + +He did mind, but he set about it, and it was perhaps well for him that +he did, as otherwise he might have paid a suspicious number of fidgety +attentions to Julia. As it was, doing the menial work which he always +considered beneath his dignity, while Johnny sat still and rested, +restored him to his usual manner. + +But the Captain, though he was safely past the initial difficulty, did +not find the working out of his scheme altogether easy. He had the +bulb, it is true, and he was safe from detection for there was still +under the wire cover a smooth yellow-brown narcissus root very like +the first one; but he had got to get rid of it. It was not very easy +to get a letter to the post here without remark from Mr. Gillat. That, +in the circumstances, would be undesirable for it was likely to arouse +Julia's suspicions, and if they were roused she might think it her +duty to interfere--even though, of course, she did wish the bulb sold. +Her father recognised that and, determining not to give her the +opportunity, got his letter written betimes and waited for a chance to +give it to the postman unobserved. In writing he had been faced by one +very great difficulty, he had not the least idea how much to ask. +Cross had said "name a reasonable price," and he must name one, or +else it would appear that he were writing on his own behalf not +Julia's; but he did not know what was reasonable and he had no chance +of finding out. A new orchid, he had vaguely heard, was sometimes +worth a hundred pounds; but it was impossible any one should pay so +much for a daffodil, an ordinary garden flower. Julia, whatever her +motive, would not have refused to sell it if it would have fetched so +much; he could not conceive of a Polkington, especially a poor one, +turning her back on a hundred pounds. For hours he thought about this +and at last decided to ask twenty pounds. It seemed more to him now +than it would have done a year ago, by reason of the small sums he had +handled lately; but it was a good deal less than his golden dreams had +painted the bulb to be worth in the time when it seemed unattainable, +and he was paying debts and providing for Julia out of the proceeds of +the imaginary sale. Still, he finally decided to ask it and wrote to +that effect, and after some waiting for the opportunity got the letter +posted. + +After that there followed an unpleasant time or suspense, made the +more unpleasant by the fact that he had to look out for the postman as +he did not want the return letter to fall into Julia's hands. At last, +after a longer time than he expected, the reply came safely to hand. +This was it-- + + "SIR, + + "I am obliged to decline your offer of the streaked daffodil + bulb, the price you name being absurd. To tell the plain + truth, I would rather not do business with you in the + matter; I prefer to deal with principals, else in these + cases there is little guarantee of good faith. + + "Yours faithfully, + + "ALEXANDER CROSS." + + "P. S.--If you should fail to dispose of your bulb elsewhere + and it would be a convenience to you, I will give you a five + pound note for it, that is, if you can guarantee it genuine. + It is not, under the circumstances, worth more to me. + + "A. C." + +So the Captain read and then re-read; anger, mortification and +disappointment preventing him from grasping the full meaning at +first. Five pounds, only five pounds! No wonder Julia would not sell +her bulb; no wonder she preferred to keep a present that would only +fetch five pounds! What was such a trifle? The Captain glared at the +letter as he asked himself the question proudly. His pride was badly +wounded. Cross had not set him right in his mistaken idea of the +daffodil's value too politely; at least he thought not. Why should he, +this tradesman, say he preferred to deal with principals? Did he +imagine that a gentleman would attempt to sell him a spurious bulb? +The Captain's honour was not of that sort and he felt outraged. He +felt outraged, too, almost insulted, at being told that the price was +absurd. The absurd thing was that he should be expected to know +anything about trade or trade prices. "The man can have no idea of my +position," he thought. + +But there he was not quite correct; it was precisely because he had a +suspicion of the position that Cross had written thus. No one with any +right to it would offer the true bulb for twenty pounds; either, so he +argued, it was stolen or not genuine; which, he did not know, the odds +were about even. After making a few inquiries at Marbridge into +Captain Polkington's history he came to the conclusion that the chance +in favour of the true bulb was worth five pounds to him. Accordingly +he offered it, indifferent as to the result, but rather anticipating +its acceptance. + +It was accepted. The Captain was mortified and disappointed, but five +pounds is five pounds. It even seems a good deal more when your income +is very small and the part of it which you handle yourself so much +smaller as to amount to nothing worth mentioning. It was September +now, and already the mornings and evenings were cold, foretaste of the +winter which was coming, which would hold the exposed land in its +grip for months. Five pounds would buy things which would make the +winter more tolerable; small comforts and luxuries meant a great deal +to real poverty in cold weather and feeble health. Of course to Johnny +and Julia too; they were all going to benefit. Captain Polkington +packed the bulb in a small box and posted it when he went to Halgrave +to have his hair cut. + +By return he received a five pound note--a convenient handy form of +money, easy to send, easy to change. Halgrave might not perhaps be +able to give change for it without inconvenience, but Julia could get +it changed next time she went into town. That would not be just yet, +but a note will keep; it would perhaps be better to keep it for the +present. The Captain folded it in his pocket-book and kept it. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +THE BENEFACTOR + + +It was not till October that Captain Polkington was able to change the +five pound note. This was really Julia's fault, she went so seldom +into the town; he had once or twice suggested her doing so when she +said they wanted this or that, but she never took the hint, and the +note was still in his pocket-book. At last, however, the opportunity +came. + +A keeper's wife with whom Julia had got acquainted had promised her a +pair of lop-eared rabbits if she could come and fetch them. She was +not very anxious to have them, but Mr. Gillat was; he said they would +be very profitable. Julia doubted this; but, since he wanted them, she +said they would have them, and accordingly, one morning, they started +together with a basket for the rabbits. They started directly after +breakfast for they had to go a long way across the heath and could not +at the best be back before two o'clock. Captain Polkington watched +them go, standing at the cottage door until their figures were small +on the great expanse of heather. Then he went in and, sitting down, +wrote a hasty note to Julia; it was to the effect that he had been +obliged to go into town, but would be back by dark or soon after. It +read as quite a casual communication, as if he were in the habit of +going into town frequently and had much business to transact. The +Captain was rather satisfied with it; he felt he was doing the +straightforward thing in telling Julia, his whole proceedings were +open and above board. When he came back he should tell her all about +the money, how it had been raised and how spent. She should have had +the spending of it herself if only she had gone to town when he +suggested it; as it was, he must do it; it was absurd to wait any +longer; the weather was already cold; he must go, and bring her some +pleasant surprise when he came back. + +Satisfied with these reflections and feeling already the glow of +beneficence, he dressed himself and set out for Halgrave. He had to +walk to the village and there take the carrier's cart which went into +town twice a week; he reflected, while he waited for the vehicle, how +fortunate it was that Julia and Johnny had chosen to go for the +rabbits to-day, one of the days when the carrier went to town. There +were a good many bundles going by the cart, and two other passengers +who were inclined to be too familiar until somewhat haughtily shown +their proper place. The Captain was a little annoyed by this; and +annoyed, also, to find that the carrier was not in the habit of +starting on the return journey till rather late, later than the note +would lead Julia to expect her father. But as the carrier was not one +to change his habits for anybody, that could not be helped and Captain +Polkington made the best of it. Julia was not likely to be anxious +about him, he was sure; and since he was going to tell her all about +his doings, it might as well be late as early. By this time he had +quite got rid of any qualms--if he ever had them--about the method of +getting and the intention of spending the note. He had almost +forgotten that it had not always been his, and was quite sure that he +was doing the right thing--for others as well as himself--in the +difficult circumstances which seemed to beset him more than the +common run of men. Cheered by these thoughts he endured the +discomforts of the journey with moderate patience; he almost felt that +he was suffering them in a good cause, for the sake of Johnny and +Julia. + +The town was large and the centre of a large district, not at all like +the retired gentility of Marbridge, very much bigger and busier. +Captain Polkington, who had lived quietly so long, felt rather lost +and bewildered at first in the bustling intricate streets; there were +so many people, especially among the shops, they were always getting +in his way. He only made one purchase before lunch; he would have +plenty of time in the afternoon, he thought, and would be better able +to decide what to buy when he had seen things and had a meal. The +purchase made before lunch was at the wine merchants, it was whisky. + +He lunched at the best hotel; that and the whisky made a rather bigger +hole in the five pound note than one would have expected. Still, as he +told himself the whisky really was a vital matter with winter coming +on, a necessity, not a luxury, for all of them--Johnny would be better +for a little--he used to like a glass in the old days; and Julia would +certainly be the better for it, working as she did in the cold. It was +a medicine for them all, not himself alone. The lunch was the only +personal extravagance and really, seeing what he was doing for the +others, there was no need for him to grudge that to himself. + +So he lunched and then the trouble began. He was not clear quite how +it happened; at least, owing to the confusion there always was in his +mind between facts as they were, as he wished them to be, and as they +appeared in retrospect--he was never able to explain it thoroughly. +There were other men lunching at the same time; he still had the +Polkington faculty for making friends and acquaintances; he still, +too, had the appearance and manner of a gentleman, if of somewhat +reduced circumstances. He apparently made acquaintances; exactly how +many and what sort is not certain, the account was very confused here. +There was a whisky and soda in it, two whiskies and sodas, or even +three; a cigar, a game of billiards--perhaps there was more than one +game, or some other game besides billiards. At all events there must +have been something more, for the Captain afterwards declared he was +ruined in less than an hour, fleeced, cheated of his little all! It is +quite possible that he was nothing of the kind, and that the +acquaintances were perfectly honest and honourable men. They would not +know he could not afford to lose, a true Polkington always set out to +hide the reality of his poverty. And he was not likely to win, he +seldom did, no matter at what he played or with whom; he was +constitutionally unlucky--or incapable, which is a truer name for the +same thing--it had always been so, even as far back as the old times +in India. That day he lost at something, that at least was clear; then +there was more whisky and soda and more losses, and perhaps more +whisky again; and so on until late in the afternoon, he found himself +standing, miserable and bewildered, in the main street of the town. +Some one had brought him there, a good-natured young fellow who +thought, not that he had spent all he ought, but that he had drunk all +he should. + +"Not used to it, you know," he had said with good-humoured apology; +"been rusticating out of the way so long. Better come out and get a +breath of air, it'll pull you together." + +And he persuaded him out, walked some way down the street with him and +then, seeing that he seemed all right, left him and went to attend to +his own business. + +For a little the Captain stood where he was, the depression, begotten +of whisky and his losses, growing upon him in the old overwhelming +way. No one took any notice of him; passers by jostled against him, +for the pavement was rather narrow, but no one paid any attention to +him. The bustle bewildered his weak head, and the noise and movement +of the traffic in the roadway irritated him unreasonably. A youth ran +into him and he exploded angrily with sudden weak unrestrained fury. +Thereat the boy laughed, and, when he shouted and stamped his foot, +ran away saying something impudent. The Captain turned to run after +him shaking his stick; but he was stiff and rheumatic and weak on his +legs, too, just now. It was no use to try and run. Of course it was no +use, nothing was any use now, he was a miserable failure, he could not +even run after a boy; he must bear every one's taunts; he could almost +have wept in self-pity. Then he became aware that several passers by +were looking at him curiously, arrested by the noise he had made. +Annoyed and ashamed he turned his back on them and pretended to be +examining the goods in a shop window near. + +It was a large draper's, rather a cheap one; the better shops were +higher up the street. In this one the things were all priced and +labelled plainly; the Captain at first did not notice this one way or +the other; he simply looked in to cover his confusion. But after a +little he became aware of what he looked at, and it recalled to his +mind the fact that he was going to buy something for Julia. He did not +quite know what, he had had large ideas at one time; they had had to +be diminished once because five pounds will not do as much as twenty; +they had to be diminished again because he had been fleeced of so much +of the five pounds. A wave of anger shook him as he thought of that, +but he suppressed it; he felt that he must not give way, so he looked +steadily at the window. There were furs displayed there, muffs and +collarettes of skunk and other animals, even the humble rabbit +artistically treated to meet the insatiable female appetite for sable +at all prices. The Captain decided on the best collarette displayed +and turned towards the shop door feeling a little better in the glow +of benevolence that returned to him as he thought of how much he was +going to spend for Julia. Just as he was going in he caught sight of a +girl selling violets in the street. She was a good-looking impudent +girl, and catching his eye she pressed her wares on him glibly; he +hesitated, smiled--here was one who treated him as a man, who +considered it worth while. He looked defiantly at the passers by--he +was a man, not an object for curiosity or kindly contempt. He returned +the girl's glance with an ogle and, stepping as jauntily as he could +to the edge of the pavement, took a bunch of flowers with some +suitable pleasantry. Half-way through his remark he stopped dead; he +had felt in his pocket for a penny and found nothing. Quickly, +feverishly, almost desperately, he felt in the other pocket; +there were three coins there; by the size he could tell that one at +least was a penny; he took it out and gave it to the girl; he had not +the courage to put down the flowers and go without them. Then he +turned away. A narrow passage ran down between the draper's and the +next house; fewer people went that way and in the window there, common +and less expensive goods were displayed. The Captain went down the +foot-way and examined the two remaining coins. They were a shilling +and a penny. + +People passed and repassed along the main road; carts and carriages +rumbled over the uneven stones; no one heeded the shabby hopeless +figure by the side window. They were lighting up in the draper's +though outside there was still daylight; the gas jets were considered +to make the place look more attractive. They shone warmly on the furs +and silk scarves in the front window, making them look rich and +luxurious. Two girls stopped to look in; then, their means being more +suitable to the goods there, they came to examine the side window. +They were two servants out for the afternoon; they wore winter coats +open over summer dresses and hats that might be called autumnal, +seeing that they were an ingenious blending of the best that was left +from the headgear of both seasons. + +"I shall get one of them woolly neck things, I shall," one said; +"they're quite as nice as fur and not so dear." + +The other could not agree. "Don't care about them myself," she said; +"I must say I like a bit of sable." + +"Can't get it under two and eleven," her companion rejoined; "and +those things are only a shilling three. Look at that pink one there; +it looks quite as good as feathers any day. I'm not so gone on sable +myself; you can't have it pink, and pink's my colour." + +They moved on to another window; they, no more than the passers by, +noticed the old man who stood just at their elbow. When they had gone +he looked drearily in where they had looked. There were the woolly +things they had spoken of, short woven strips of loopy wool, to be +tied about the neck by the two-inch ribbons that dangled from the +ends. "Ostrich wool boas in all colours, price, one shilling and three +farthings," they were ticketed. He read the ticket mechanically. He +still held his two coins; he held them mechanically; had he thought +about it he would scarcely have troubled to do so, they were so +cruelly, so mockingly inadequate. He read the ticket again; it +obtruded itself upon him as trivial things do at unexpected times. +But now its meaning began to be impressed upon his brain--"one +shilling and three farthings"--that, then, was the interpretation of +the servant girl's "shilling three." He had a shilling and a penny--a +shilling and three farthings. He could buy one of those ostrich wool +boas--he would buy it--that pink one for Julia. + +The Halgrave carrier made it a rule to receive his passengers' fares +at the beginning of the expedition; if they were coming back as well +as going with him they paid for the double journey at the outset in +the morning. Captain Polkington had so paid, and it was that fact, +coupled with the early arrival at the stables of his one purchase, +which induced the carrier to wait nearly half-an-hour for him. The +cart was packed, everything was ready, and the good man and the only +other passenger he was taking back were growing impatient, when the +Captain, carrying a small crushed paper parcel, appeared. He had lost +his way to the stables and had wandered hopelessly in his efforts to +find it. The carrier was rather short-tempered about it, and the other +passenger said something to the effect that "They didn't oughter let +him out alone!" The Captain payed no attention but climbed into the +back of the cart and sat down near his whisky. The other passenger got +up beside the driver, and in a few minutes they were lumbering down +the crooked streets. Soon they were out of the town and jogging +quietly along the quiet lanes; the driver leaned forward to get a +light from his passenger's pipe; his face for a moment showed ruddy in +the glow of the one lamp, then it sunk into gloom again. Captain +Polkington did not notice; he did not notice the voices in +intermittent talk, or the fume of their tobacco that hung on the moist +air and mingled with the scent of the drooping violets in his coat. +He knew nothing and was aware of nothing except that he was the most +miserable, the most unfortunate of men. Throughout the whole +interminable journey he dwelt on that one thing as he sat by his +whisky in the dark, clutching tightly the soft paper parcel and +finding his only fragment of comfort in it. He had after all bought +something; poor, disappointed, fleeced as he was, he had spent his +last money in buying a present for his daughter. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +THE GOING OF THE GOOD COMRADE + + +The cottage was very quiet. Although it was not late, both Captain +Polkington and Johnny had gone to bed, the one to suit himself, the +other to oblige Julia; she was in the kitchen now, as completely alone +as she could wish. And certainly she did wish it; by the hard light in +her eyes and the grim look about her mouth it was clear she was in no +mood for company. She had got at the truth that evening, or most of +it; the whole affair, with the exception of one point only, was quite +plain to her; not by her father's wish or intention, but plain none +the less. Subterfuge was an art the Polkingtons understood so well +that it was exceedingly difficult to deceive them; Julia was the most +difficult of them all to deceive, and the Captain was least clever at +subterfuge; it was not wonderful, therefore, that she knew nearly all +there was to know. Her heart was bitter within her, but against +herself as well as against her father--after all he had but done what +she had once thought to do. She had stayed her hand because the one +who owned the daffodil was a child to her. Her father had had no such +reason for staying his; the one who owned this daffodil was as cunning +as he. He had done what he had, badly of course he could not do +otherwise--a foredained failure such as he--bungled it hopelessly; but +the idea was the same--a bad travesty of a bad idea, badly worked out. +For a moment her mind glanced aside from the main issue in disgust +and contempt for the method. It was sin without genius, a puerile +theft without adequate return, a miserable fall, and for such a +purpose! To expect to find the streaked daffodil unguarded in an +outhouse! To sell it for five pounds and think to spend the money on +creature comforts! It is hard to say which of the three was the worst. +The really good have little idea how such fool's knavery looks to the +shadily clever; it brings home to them the wrongness of wrong, +disgusting them with it and with themselves, as no preaching in the +world can. + +The moon had risen by this time; its first beams shone in at the +unshuttered window. Julia went to the door and, opening it, looked +out. There was a little mist about and the moon, quite a young one, +was struggling through it, shining with a soft, diffused light that +made the landscape very unearthly. + +It was wonderfully still out of doors, quiet and damp with belts of +unexplained shadow here and there, and a sense of illimitable space +and silence. Julia sat down on the door steps and smelt the good smell +of the earth and felt the nearness of it. But it did not comfort her; +she was not in tune with the night; she had neither part nor lot with +these things. "Thief, and daughter of a thief;" the words kept coming +to her--and he, the man whom she never named to herself, had called +her his good comrade! She bowed her face to her knees and sat +motionless. + +She had told him the truth about herself; she had not been ashamed; +she would not have been even if she had taken the daffodil. But her +father! She was ashamed for him with a bitter shame; ashamed of +herself and him too, in thought and intention at least they were one, +double-dealers. "Two grubby little people," as she had seen them long +ago when they first stood in company with that man. + +"But you don't know; you have not our temptations." She almost spoke +aloud, unconsciously addressing the dewy silence as her mind called +the man plainly before her. "You have never wanted money as I wanted +it, or wanted things as father wanted them. Oh, you would despise the +things he wanted--so do I; they are miserable and mean and sordid; you +couldn't want whisky and comfort as he wanted them, but you can't +think how he did! He would have justified it to himself too; you +wouldn't, couldn't do that, while we--we could justify the devil if we +tried. It is not right, any the more for that, I know it is not; it is +dishonest and disgraceful, I know that as well as you; but I know how +it came about and you--you can never understand!" Her voice sank away. +That was the great difference between herself and this man; it did not +lie in what she did; that was a remedial matter--but rather in what +she knew and felt. Things that did not exist for him were not only +possible but sometimes almost necessary to her and hers. The gulf +between them which had almost seemed bridged in the early summer was +suddenly opened again by the day's work; opened beyond all passage for +her--thief, and daughter of a thief. + +She sat on the doorstone looking out with unseeing eyes while the moon +rose higher and the light grew so that the belts of shadow melted and +the misty land was all silver, a world of dreams, very pure and still. +But neither her dreams nor her thoughts were pure and still; they were +full of passion and pain, longing and regret and shame, and yet an +underlying hopeless desire that all could be known and understood. + +At last she rose and went in. The pink woolly thing Captain +Polkington had bought her lay on the kitchen-table, half out of its +paper wrappings, a silly, useless thing. As her eyes fell on it they +grew dim and hot while the colour crept up in her cheek. Her father +had bought it for her; he had thought to please her with the foolish +thing; it was like a child's or a fool's gift; she hated herself for +hating it. But he had deceived himself into thinking he was generous +to make it with his illgotten gains; he had salved conscience with +it--it was a liar's gift, a self-deceiver's, a thief's. There was no +kindness, no generosity in it, and she despised him--and he was her +father! + +She picked up the thing, paper and all, and crammed it into the dying +fire. Then suddenly she burst into tears. The world was all wrong, +justice was wrong and suffering was wrong and mankind wrong, all was +wrong and inexplicable and pitiful too. + +For a minute she sobbed chokingly, then she forced back the tears with +the angry impatience of a hurt animal, and fetching a sheet of paper +and pencil, sat down to write. He was her father and he was a man with +a warped idea of honour, one whose self-respect had been taken away; +it was too late to teach him, one could only safeguard him now. +Opportunity did not make thieves of such as her, but it did of such as +him, and she had left the opportunity--or what he took to be it--open. +She would close it now for ever; she would be rid of the bulb, the +cause of so much trouble. So she wrote hurriedly, a mere scrawl, while +the passion was still upon her, and her eyes were still dim with +tears-- + +"Joost, if you have ever cared for me, take back the daffodil; take it +back and don't ask me why." + +The next morning Julia posted a small parcel, and at dinner time told +Johnny and her father that she had sent the famous daffodil back to +its native land. + +Johnny looked up in mild surprise; he had been to the outhouse that +morning to see if the bulbs were keeping dry. "Why," he said, "it's in +the shed!" + +"No, it is not," Julia answered, "and it never was. The one you think +it is one of the large double pale ones; I told you at the time we put +them away, but you have got mixed, I expect." + +"Ah, yes, of course," Mr. Gillat said; "I remember now; of course, I +remember." + +The Captain swallowed something, but contrived to keep quiet, and only +darted a glance at Johnny, the muddler, whose information could never +be depended on. + +When the meal was over and Mr. Gillat in the back kitchen, Captain +Polkington spoke to his daughter. + +"Julia," he said, moistening his dry lips, "that man Cross thought it +was the streaked daffodil that I, that--" + +His voice tailed away, but Julia only said, "Well?" + +"I pledged by word of honour that it was the true one." + +Again Julia said, "Well?" + +"What is to be done?" the Captain asked. + +She showed no signs of grasping his meaning or at all events of +helping him out. He burst out irritably, "What on earth have you sold +it for? Nothing would induce you to do so before when I asked you to; +now, all at once you have taken a freak and parted with it without any +consideration whatever. I never saw anything like women, so utterly +irrational!" + +"I have not sold it," Julia told him; "only sent it away." + +"What for? It is perfectly absurd! I suppose you can get it back? You +must get it back." + +Julia asked "What for?" in her turn. + +The Captain enlightened her. "There is Cross," he said; "I told him +that was the daffodil, and it is not. Something must be done; we can't +cheat him; we must send him the daffodil, or else refund the five +pounds. We should have to do that--and we can't." + +"No," Julia agreed grimly; "and we would not if we could." + +"But what are you going to do?" her father asked. + +"Nothing." + +"Nothing! But I pledged my word! You don't understand, I am in honour +bound." + +Julia forbore to make and comment on her father's notion of honour; +indeed, it struck her as almost pathetic in its grotesqueness and +certainly very characteristic of the Polkingtons. + +"Cross paid five pounds for the streaked daffodil," the Captain went on to +say, believing that he was stating the case with incontrovertible +plainness, "and if he does not have the true bulb he must have the money +back; otherwise he will, with justice, say he has been cheated, for I +guaranteed the thing." + +"He paid five pounds for a speculation," Julia said; "your guarantee +was nothing, and though he may have asked for it, it was just a form +and did not count one way or the other. He knew there was a chance +that you had come by the true bulb somehow and so had it to sell; he +risked five pounds on that--and lost it." + +Captain Polkington looked bewildered. "He paid five pounds for the +bulb," he persisted; "he said it was worth no more to him." + +"Very likely not, if he could get it for that," Julia said; "but if +he could have been sure of it, it would have been worth two hundred +pounds." + +"Two hundred!" Captain Polkington gasped, turning rather white. + +Julia nodded. "With my guarantee," she said. "You had not got that; I +suppose you let him see it when you wrote first so he knew that, +though you might have the real bulb, you were not in a position to +sell it well." + +The Captain flushed as suddenly as he had paled. "You think he thought +I had not come by it honestly, that I had no right in my daughter's +affairs?" + +"I don't see it matters what he thought," Julia answered, taking up +the dishes. "He risked his money, and lost it, knowing very well what +he did; he does not mind doing business in that way; I don't admire it +myself, but I guessed he would do it when I first made his +acquaintance." + +"You ----" the Captain said. + +"I have nothing to do with it, and shall have nothing." + +"But the money must be paid; it is a debt of honour; I must clear +myself." + +Julia shrugged her shoulders. + +"You do not wish me cleared?" her father demanded haughtily. + +"Paying the five pounds would not clear you," she said; "neither that +nor anything else. No, I am not going to pay it; I don't feel any +obligation in the matter. If Mr. Cross goes in for those sort of +dealings he must put up with the consequence, and I am afraid you +must, too." And with that she went away. + +This was the last reference that was made to the sale of the daffodil +and the expedition to town; after that the matter was left out of +conversation and Julia behaved as if it had never existed. But Captain +Polkington was very unhappy; he could not get over the affair and his +own failure; he brooded over it in silence, feeling and resenting that +he could not speak to either Johnny or Julia, they being quite unable +to understand his emotions. Once or twice he raged weakly against +Cross, who had given him five pounds when he had asked twenty for a +thing worth two hundred; who had doubted his word, who had behaved as +if he were a common thief--who would, doubtless, think him one. More +often his indignation burnt up against Julia who would do nothing to +remedy this last catastrophe, and clear him and reinstate his honour +in the eyes of this man and himself. Most often of all his quarrel was +with fate, and then his anger broke down into self-pity as he thought +of all the troubles that were crowding about his later years; of his +lost reputation, his lack of sympathy and comprehension; the failure +of all his plans and hopes, the poverty and feeble health that +oppressed him. In these gloomy days he had one ray of comfort only; it +lay in the purchase he had made on that day that he went shopping. +That whisky was the solitary thing in the day's adventure about which +Julia had not heard; everything else she had been told, but somehow +that had escaped. One reason of this, no doubt, lay in the fact that +Captain Polkington had not brought his purchase home with him that +evening. He had meant to; when the carrier set him and his property +down just outside Halgrave, he had fully meant to carry it to the +cottage. But he found it so heavy and cumbersome in his weak and +dejected state that he had to give it up. So he found a suitable +hiding-place in the deep overgrown ditch beside the road, and, +thrusting it as much out of sight as he could, left it there and went +home unburdened. He meant to tell Julia and Johnny about it, they of +course were to have shared, and one or both of them would go with him +to fetch it home in the morning. But he did not tell them; it did not +seem suitable at first; they, each in a different way, were too +unsympathetic about the expedition to town; he determined to wait for +a fitting opportunity. The opportunity did not come; but in course of +time the whisky was moved and gave comfort of sorts during the autumn +days to the Captain's drooping spirits, if it had a less beneficial +effect on his failing health. + +In the meantime the daffodil, "The Good Comrade," had gone back to its +native land, and with it an appeal, written in English, badly written, +scrawled almost--but not likely to be refused. Joost read it through +once, twice, more times than that; it said little, only, take back the +bulb and ask no questions, yet he felt he had been honoured by Julia's +confidence. The very style and haste of the letter seemed an honour to +him; it showed him she had need and had turned to him in it. Of course +he would do as she asked; he would have done things far harder than +that. He folded the slip of paper and put it away where he kept some +few treasures, and for a time he put with it the bulb she had sent; +and sometimes when he went to bed of a night--he had no other free +time--he took both out and looked at them. + +But "The Good Comrade" did not remain locked away from the light of day. +Joost was a sentimentalist, it is true, and the bulb had come from +Julia, winged by an appeal from her. But he was also a bulb grower, +and he was that before he was anything else and afterwards too, and +the daffodil was a marvel of nature, a novelty, a thing beyond words +to a connoisseur. The lover asked that the token should be kept hidden +from the eyes of men; but the grower cried that the flower should be +given to the light of heaven and should grow and bloom according to +Nature's plan. For days the lover was uppermost and the old pain back. +But in time the bitter-sweet madness died down again and, in the +atmosphere which was saturated with the beloved work, the old love, +the first and last and soundly abiding one, reasserted itself. The +daffodil must bloom, the little brown bulb must go back to the brown +earth, the strange flower must unfold itself to the sun and wind and +rain. + +So he went to his father. "My father," he said, and it is to be feared +he had learnt something of guile from the source of his bitter-sweet +madness. "My father, I have heard from Miss Julia; she would wish us +to have the narcissus 'The Good Comrade.'" + +Mijnheer was pleased. "That is as it should be," he said; he had felt +strongly about the gift of the bulb in the first instance, but that +was an affair over and done with long ago between him and his son. He +did not reopen it now, he was only gratified to think there was a +likelihood of the daffodil coming back to its birthplace, where it +certainly ought to be. "How much does Miss Julia ask for it?" he +inquired. + +"Nothing," Joost answered; "she does not wish to sell it; she wishes +to give it back." + +"But, but!" Mijnheer exclaimed, pushing up his spectacles in +astonishment; he knew the value of the thing and the offers that must +have been made for it; this way was not at all his notion of doing +business; also he found it hard to reconcile with the Julia he +remembered. He recollected talk he had had with her when she had +proved herself an apt pupil in trade and trade dealings, and shown, +not only a very good comprehension of such things, but also an eye to +the main chance. "This is nonsense," he said; "it is not business." + +Joost looked distressed. "I gave her the bulb," he ventured; "she does +not want to sell me back my present." + +Mijnheer did not recognise any such distinction in business +transactions, and for a little it looked as if "The Good Comrade" +would be sent wandering again, sacrificed to his old-fashioned notions +of integrity. Joost should not have it unless he paid for it, he said +so with decision. He himself would buy it if Joost would not, and if +she would not sell it to him then neither of them should have it. + +And Joost could not, even if he would, explain why and how the paying +was so difficult. He used all the arguments he could; indeed, for one +of his nature, he spoke with considerable diplomacy. + +"Supposing," he said at last, "that it was only a sport, and that next +year it reverts and is blue as are the others, the parent bulbs? Miss +Julia thinks of that--she would not like to be paid for it now in case +of such a thing, will you not at least wait until the spring? She has +given nothing for it herself; it is not as if she had sunk money and +wants an immediate return." + +Mijnheer did not consider that made any difference and he said so, +reading his son a lecture on business morality according to his +standard, of a very severe order. Joost listened with meekness to the +entirely undeserved reproof for meanness and dishonourable views; then +the old man announced finally what he should do. He should write to +Julia and offer her a smallish sum down in case the bulb proved to be +of no great worth, and a promise of a proportional percentage +afterwards if it proved valuable. This idea pleased him very well; it +satisfied his notions of integrity and fair dealing and also his +thrifty soul, which found trying the otherwise unavoidable duty of +paying a long price for what had been freely given. From this Joost +could not move him, so there was nothing for him to do but write +distressfully to Julia and explain and apologise. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +THE LINE OF LEAST RESISTANCE + + +Julia was at work in the kitchen; it was ten o'clock on a November +morning and she was busy; Captain Polkington had had breakfast +up-stairs, he often did now, and it delayed the morning's work. Mr. +Gillat brought in two letters which the postman had left; both were +for Julia, but she had not time to read them now, so she put them down +on the table; they would keep; she did not feel greatly interested to +know what was inside them. Things did not interest her as they used; +in some imperceptible way she had aged; some of the elasticity and +youth was gone, perhaps because hope was gone. It had been dying all +the summer, ever since the day when she crouched behind the +chopping-block; but gently and gradually, as the year dies, with some +beauties unknown in early days and little recurrent spurts of hope and +youth, like the flowers that bloom into winter's lap. But it was dead +now; there had come to her, as it were, a sudden frost, and, as +befalls in the years, too, the late blooming flowers, the coloured +leaves, the last beautiful clinging remnants of life withered all at +once and fell away. It was unreasonable, perhaps, that the Captain's +theft of the daffodil and what arose from it should have had this +result; but then it was possibly unreasonable that hope and youth +should have had any autumn at all and not died right off when she said +"No" and meant it that afternoon in the early summer. But then the +mind of man--and woman--is unreasonable. + +It was nearly half-an-hour later when Julia picked up the letters; +both were from Holland; one, she fancied, was from Mijnheer, one from +his son. She opened the latter first; she rather wondered what Joost +could have to write about; he had acknowledged the receipt of the +daffodil bulb long ago. The matter was soon explained; the letter was +as formal and precise as ever, but the emotion that dictated it, the +distress and regret, was quite clear to Julia in spite of the primness +of expression. Clear, too, to her were the conflicting feelings that +lay behind the lover's contrition for what he feared was abuse of his +mistress's trust, and the grower's desire that the treasured token +should be resolved into, what it was, a wonderful bulb, a triumph of +the horticulturist. Julia smiled a little sadly as she read; not that +she regretted the existence of the grower with the lover; she was glad +to see it and to know that it was triumphing. But the whole affair +seemed so far off, so unimportant, so almost childish. She did not +care who knew he had the daffodil, or whether it bloomed or rotted. In +these days, when her self-apportioned burden was beginning to press +heavily upon her shoulders, such things did not seem to matter. She +had a sense almost of disloyalty in feeling how little it mattered to +her when it appeared to be so much to this loyal friend. + +Captain Polkington had of late had several sudden attacks of a +faintness which more often than not amounted to unconsciousness. +"Heart," the doctor had said when he was summoned after the first one; +he had not regarded them as very dangerous, that is to say not likely +to prove fatal at any moment if properly treated at the time. He had +given instructions as to suitable treatment, emphasising the fact +that the patient ought never to be long out of ear-shot of some one, +as the attacks required immediate remedy. He forbade excitement and +much exertion, orders easy to fulfil in this case, and also stimulants +of all sorts, an order not quite so easy. Captain Polkington was much +displeased about this last; he said it plainly showed the doctor a +fool who did not know his business; stimulant, as every one knew, +being the first necessity for a weak heart. Julia pointed out that +that must vary with the constitution, nature and disease; she also +recalled the fact that alcohol never had suited her father. He was +naturally not convinced by her logic, and so was decidedly sulky; even +in time, by dint of dwelling upon the subject, came to regard the +treatment as a conspiracy to annoy him. Julia regretted this but did +not think it mattered very much, seeing that she had the keys; but +then she did not know of that purchase made in the town. The Captain, +rebelling against the doctor's order, hugged himself as he thought of +it and of the comparatively sparing use he had made of it so far--for +fear of being found out. There was no need of him to die by inches +while he had that store of life and comfort; so he told himself, and +secretly made use of it, with anything but good result. Julia, marking +the disimprovement in his health, thought it was the natural course +and saved him all work, carrying out the doctor's instructions more +carefully than ever. The hidden whisky remained unknown to her, for +although in the larger affairs of duplicity and diplomacy she easily +outmatched her father, in matters requiring small cunning he was much +nearer her equal. In this one he showed almost preternatural skill; +his whole heart was in it, and his wits, where it was concerned, were +sharpened above the average; he clung to his secret as a man clings to +his one chance of life, made only the more pertinacious by the +contrary advice he had received. But on that November morning, after +Julia had brought her father round by the proper remedies, she began +to have suspicions. They were not founded on anything definite; she +could not imagine how he should have got stimulant, and his condition +hardly justified her in suspecting it, yet she did. And Captain +Polkington knew by experience that that was enough to prove +unpleasant; it did not matter much at which end Julia got hold of his +affairs, she had a knack of arriving at the middle before he was at +all ready for her. He resented what she said to him that morning very +much indeed. He denied everything and defended himself well; although +he was in fear all the time that some unwary word or unwise denial +should betray him to his cross-examiner who, being herself no mean +expert in the double-dealing arts, could frequently learn as much from +a lie as from the truth. In the end, what between anxiety and +annoyance, he lost control of his temper and from peevish irritability +broke out suddenly into a fit of weak ungovernable rage. Julia was +obliged at once to desist, seeing with regret that she had +transgressed one of the doctor's rules and excited the patient very +much indeed. + +She left him to recover control of himself and went to look for Mr. +Gillat. + +"Johnny," she said, when she found him. "I believe father has got +whisky. I don't know where, but I shall have to find out; you must +help me." + +Johnny professed his willingness, looking puzzled and unhappy; he +looked so at times, again now, for even he had begun to discern a +shadow coming on the life which for a year had been so happy to him. + +"You will have to keep a watch on father," Julia said. "He won't do +much while I am watching; he will wait till he is alone with you. +Don't try to prevent him; that is no good; just watch and tell me." + +Mr. Gillat said he would, though he did not like the job, and +certainly was ill-fitted for it. Julia knew that, but knew also that +to discover anything she must depend a good deal upon him, unless she +could by searching light upon the store of spirit which she could not +help thinking her father had in or near the house. She determined to +make a systematic search; but before she did so she found time to open +Mijnheer's letter. + +It was rather a long letter and very neat. It set forth in formal +Dutch the old man's ideas concerning the daffodil bulb and his offer +regarding it. It should be kept, he said, if it was paid for, not +otherwise. Something now, she was to name her terms, while it was +still uncertain whether its flower would be blue or streaked or even +common yellow--more later, in accordance with the flowering and the +profits likely to arise. + +So Julia read and sat staring. An offer for "The Good Comrade." Money +from the people to whom it had always practically belonged in her +estimation. She could not take it from them, it was impossible; the +thing was virtually their own! But if she did not. She re-read Joost's +letter with its protestations, and Mijnheer's with its offer--if she +did not, the little brown bulb would be sent back to her. Mijnheer, +now that he knew of its coming, would insist on its return unless it +were paid for; and Joost, she knew very well, would not deceive his +father and keep it secretly, or defy his father and keep it openly; +the money or the bulb she must have. And the bulb she could not, would +not have again; so the money, unearned, distasteful, having a not too +pleasant savour, must be hers. At last, in this way, without her +contrivance, against her will, there had come a way to pay the debt +of honour! + +She sat down and wrote to Mijnheer and named her price. Thirty pounds +she asked for, no more in the future, no less now; that was the only +price she could take for "The Good Comrade," it was the sum +Rawson-Clew had paid to his cousin two years ago. + +Johnny posted the letter that afternoon while Julia began her search +for her father's hidden whisky. + +All the afternoon Captain Polkington sat in the easy-chair, watching +her contemptuously when she was in sight and moving uneasily when she +was not. He did not think she would find anything, at least not at +once, though he was afraid she would if she kept on long enough and he +left his treasure in its present hiding-place. It would not last so +much longer--he dared not contemplate the time when it should all be +gone; it was characteristic of him that he was easily able to avoid +doing so. The principal thought in his mind was a determination that +it should not be found while any remained. That could not and should +not happen; the last little which he had carefully hoarded, which he +had stinted and deprived himself to save--to have that taken away, to +be robbed of that--the tears gathered in his eyes at the pathos of the +thought. + +But the whisky was not found that day, and the Captain, who slept but +badly at this time, lay awake long in the night planning how and when +he could move it to a place of safety further away from the house. He +would have gone down then and there, in spite of the fact that it was +a blustering night of wind and rain and he not fitted to go out in +such weather, but he was afraid of Julia. She was certain to hear and +follow; she had almost an animal's alertness when once she was on the +trail of anything. So he lay and planned and waited, hoping that a +chance would come during the next day. + +It did not. Julia was at home all day and, as she had foreseen, he +made no move while she was about. But the following morning she had to +go to Halgrave about the killing of a pig; Johnny was hardly equal to +making the necessary arrangements and certainly could not do so good +as she. Accordingly, she went herself, not very reluctantly, for she +was nearly certain her father would make an effort to get at his +whisky, if he had any, as soon as her back was turned, and so give +Johnny a chance of finding out about it. Of course it was quite likely +that Johnny, being Johnny, would miss the chance, but he might not, +and even if he did they would not be much worse off than before. So +she thought as she started, leaving the Captain, who was still in bed, +with a very vague idea as to when she would be back. + +He was a good deal annoyed by this vagueness; it meant he would have +to hurry, a thing he hated and did very badly; and, perhaps, entirely +without reason, too, for she might be three hours gone; though, +equally of course, only two, or perhaps--she was capable of anything +unpleasant and unexpected--only one. He began to dress as quickly as +he could; but, owing to long habit of doing it as slowly as he could +so as to postpone more arduous tasks, that was not very fast. He +wished he had known sooner that Julia was going to Halgrave, he would +have begun getting up before this; he would even have got to breakfast +if only she had let him know; so he fumed to himself as he shuffled +about, dropping things with his shaking fingers. At last he was +dressed and came down-stairs to find Johnny, pink and apologetic as he +used to be in the Marbridge days, laboriously doing odd jobs which did +not need doing. + +There was not a detective lost in Mr. Gillat, he had not the making of +a sleuth-hound in him; or even a watch-dog, except, perhaps, of that +well-meaning kind which gets itself perennially kicked for incessant +and incurable tail wagging at inopportune times. The half-hour which +followed Captain Polkington's coming down-stairs was a trying one. The +Captain went to the back door to look out; Mr. Gillat followed him, +though scarcely like his shadow; he was not inconspicuous, and neither +he nor his motive were easy to overlook. The Captain said something +approbious about the weather and the high wind and occasional +heavy swishes of rain; then he went to the sitting-room which lay +behind the kitchen, and near to the front door. Johnny followed him, +and the Captain faced round on him, irritably demanding what the devil +he wanted. + +"To--to see if the register is shut," Mr. Gillat said, beaming at his +own deep diplomacy and the brilliancy of the idea which had come to +him--rather tardily, it is true, still in time to pass muster. + +The Captain flung himself into a chair with a sigh of irritation. "It +is a funny thing I can't be let alone a moment," he said. "I came in +here for a little quiet and coolness, I didn't want you dodging after +me." + +"No," Johnny agreed amiably; "no, of course not." Then, after a long +pause, as if he had just made sure of the fact, "It is cool in here." + +It was, very; it might even have been called cold and raw, for there +had not been a fire there for days, but the Captain did not move, and +Johnny, stooping by the fire-place, examined the register of the +chimney, fondly believing in his own impenetrable deceptiveness. + +"I can't help thinking it ought to be shut," he observed, looking +thoughtfully up the chimney; "the rain will come down; it might rain a +good deal if the wind were to drop." + +"The wind is not going to drop for hours," the Captain snapped; "it is +getting higher." + +A great gust rumbled in the chimney as he spoke, and flung itself with +the thud of a palpable body against the window-pane. Mr. Gillat heard +it; he could not well do otherwise. "Still," he said, "it might rain; +one never knows." + +He took hold of the register with the tongs and tried to shut it. It +was obstinate, and he pulled this way and that, working in his usual +laborious and conscientious way. At last it slipped and he managed to +get it jammed crossways. Thus he had to leave it, for Captain +Polkington, apparently cool enough now, wandered back into the +kitchen. + +Mr. Gillat, of course, followed and arranged and rearranged pots on +the stove till the Captain said he had left his handkerchief +up-stairs. Stairs were trying to his heart, so Johnny had to go for +it. Up he went as fast as he could, and came down again almost faster, +for he tumbled on the second step and slipped the rest of the way with +considerable noise and bumping. + +After that Captain Polkington gave up his efforts to get rid of his +guard and resigned himself to fate. At least, so thought Mr. Gillat, +who no amount of experience could instruct in the guilt of the human +race in general and the Polkingtons in particular. The first hour of +Julia's absence had passed when Johnny went into the back kitchen to +clean knives. He left the door between the rooms open, but from habit +more than from any thought of keeping an eye on his charge. They had +been talking in the ordinary way for some time now, the Captain +sitting so peacefully by the fire that Mr. Gillat had begun to forget +he was supposed to watch. And really it would seem he was justified, +for the Captain, of his own accord, left the easy-chair and followed +him into the back kitchen, standing watching the knife-cleaning. He +had been talking of old times, recalling far back incidents +regretfully; he continued to do so as he watched Johnny at work until +he was interrupted by a loud sizzling in the kitchen. + +"Hullo!" he said, "there's a pot boiling over!" and he made as if he +would go to it but half stopped. "It is the big one," he said, +"perhaps you had better take it off; I'm not good at lifting weights +now-a-days." + +"No, no!" Johnny said hastily; "don't you do it, you leave it to me," +and he hurried into the kitchen to take from the fire a pot which, had +he only remembered it, had not been so near the blaze when he left it. + +"It is too heavy for you," he went on as he lifted it; "I don't know +what is inside, only water, I think; it will be all right here by the +side." + +A gust of wind swept round the kitchen, fluttering the herbs which +hung from the ceiling and blowing the dust and flame from the front of +the fire. + +"Dear, dear!" Mr. Gillat exclaimed as he drew back, "What a wind!" +Then, as he caught the whisper and whistle of the leafless things +which whisper to one another out of doors even in the dead winter +time, he realised that the outer door must be open. + +"Shut it!" he said. "The latch is so old, it is beginning to get worn +out, and the wind is so strong, too. Let me see if I can shut it." He +went to the back kitchen for that purpose and found that he was +talking to empty air, the Captain was gone. + +In great consternation he went out after his charge. He had not had a +minute's start; he could not have got far, not much more than round +the corner of the house. So thought Mr. Gillat, and started round the +nearest corner after him. Julia would not have done that; with the +instinct of the wild animal and the rogue for cover, and for the value +of the obvious in concealment, she would have looked by the water butt +first. It was not a hiding-place; the bush beside did not half conceal +Captain Polkington, yet he stood dark and unobtrusive against it and +so close to the door that in looking out for him one naturally looked +beyond him. As Johnny went round one side of the house the Captain +left the meagre shelter of the butt and went round the other, bent now +on finding some better hiding-place till it should be safe for him to +go to his precious store. And seeing that he was braced by an +insatiable whisky thirst and so possessed by one idea that he had +almost a madman's cunning in achieving his purpose, it is not +wonderful that he succeeded. While Johnny hastily searched the +out-buildings he lay hid. And when at last Mr. Gillat went back to the +house, being convinced that his charge must have gone back before him, +he, nerved and strengthened by a dose of the precious spirit, +carefully climbed over the garden wall, carrying with him all that was +left of his store. It was rather heavy, and the rising wind was +strong, but he was strong, too, and he bore more strength with him. He +could carry a weight and fight with the wind if he wanted to; his +heart was well enough when it was properly treated. And it should be +properly treated as long as he had his comfort, his precious medicine +safe and in a place where prying hands could not touch it. + + * * * * * + +Julia came home from Halgrave later than she expected, but the wind +had increased to a gale, so that walking along the exposed road had +been no easy matter. Johnny by this time was almost desperate with +alarm, for Captain Polkington had not come back and, in spite of a +continuous search in likely and unlikely places, he had not been able +to find any trace of him or his whisky. It is true his search was not +very systematic at the best of times; it is not likely to have been +now; as his alarm increased, it grew worse, until, by the time Julia +came in, it had become little more than a repeated looking in the same +unlikely places and an incessant toiling up and down-stairs and across +the garden in the howling wind. + +His account of the Captain's vanishing was much obscured by +self-condemnation and anxiety, still she managed to make it out and +she did not at first think so very seriously of it. She concluded from +it that her father had succeeded in getting at his whisky and Johnny +had failed to prevent him or find out the whereabouts of the store--a +not very astonishing occurrence. The fact that the Captain had not +returned or shown himself for so long was surprising and to be +regretted, seeing the badness of the weather. But it was not +inexplicable; he might be anxious to demonstrate his freedom, or, by +frightening them, to pay them out for the watch lately kept on him; +or--and this was the one serious aspect of the matter--he might have +taken more of the spirit than he could stand in his weak state and be +too stupid and muddled to come back alone. Julia reassured Johnny as +well as she could, and then, accompanied by him, set to work to search +thoroughly the house, garden and out-buildings. + +It was dinner time before they had finished. Julia came to the doorway +of the bulb shed uneasy and perplexed. "It is clear he is not here," +she said, and turned to fasten the door. A gust of wind tore it from +her hand, flinging it back noisily. She caught it again and secured +it. "It is dinner time," she said; "come along indoors, there is no +reason why you should go hungry because father chooses to." + +Johnny followed her to the house. When they were indoors he said, "Do +you think--you don't think he has had an attack?--that he is lying +unconscious somewhere?" That was precisely what Julia was beginning to +think; there seemed no other possible explanation. Johnny read her +mind in her face and was overwhelmed with the sense of his own +shortcomings and their possible consequences. + +"It is not your fault," Julia assured him; "you might as well say it +is father's for being so foolish and obstinate about his whisky--a +great deal better and more truly say it is mine for leaving you, and +for driving him into this corner, for not having managed the whole +thing better." + +Johnny, though a little relieved that she did not think him to blame, +was not comforted. "Let us go and find him," he said; "we must find +him; never mind about dinner--we must go and look for him--though I +don't know where." + +"We must look beyond the garden," Julia said; "he must have got +further than we first thought--but I don't see how he can be far in +this weather. Cut some cheese and bread; we can eat it as we go +along." + +In a little while they set out together, Julia taking restoratives +with her, though she was also careful to leave some on the +kitchen-table in case Captain Polkington should make his way back and +feel in need of them in her absence. Outside the garden wall one felt +the force of the wind more fully, and realised how impossible it was +that the Captain should have gone far. Julia stood a moment by the +gate. Before her lay the road to Halgrave; her father might have gone +down it a little way; but if he had he must have turned off and sought +concealment somewhere for she had seen no sign of any one when she +came home. To the left stretched the heath-land, brown and bare, to +the belt of wildly tossing pines; it was hard to imagine her father +choosing that way. To the right lay the sandhills, a place of unsteady +outline, earth and sky alike pale and blurred as the north-west wind +fled seawards, lifting and whirling the fine particles till the air +seemed full of them; it was impossible to think of any one choosing +that way. + +"We will go down the road to begin with," Julia said, and started. + +All through the early part of the afternoon they searched; sometimes +stopped for a moment by a gust of wind; Julia caught and whirled, +Johnny brought to a panting standstill. But on again directly, +struggling down the road, looking in ditches and behind scant bushes, +leaving the track first on the right hand then on the left, searching +in likely and unlikely places. But always with the same result, there +was no sign of the missing man. At last, when they had reached a +greater distance than it was possible to imagine the Captain could +have gone, they turned towards the house across the heath. It was +difficult to think of the Captain going that way, seeing he would have +been walking in the teeth of the wind, but it almost seemed he must +have done it. + +The short day was already beginning to close in when they reached the +belt of pines. It had grown much colder; one could almost believe +there would be frost in the air by and by. The wind was lulling a +little; it still roared with strange rushings and half-demented +tearings at the tree-tops, almost like some great spirit prisoned +there, but it had spent its first strength. The rain clouds were +going, too; already in places the sky was swept clear so that a pale +light gleamed behind the trees. + +Julia stood in the vibrant shelter of the pines, pushing back her +hair; she was bareheaded; a hat had been an impossible superfluity +when she started out. + +"Johnny," she said, "we have come too far; father could not have got +to the trees in such weather as it was when he started; we must go +back. I expect he is somewhere nearer home; we have not half searched +the possible radius yet." + +Johnny said "Yes." He was dog-tired, so tired that his anxiety was now +little more than dull despair animated by an unquestioning +determination to continue the search. + +He would have done so somehow, and with his flagging energies been +more hindrance than help, had not Julia prevented him; as they neared +the house, now almost merged in the dusk, she said-- + +"I am going to fetch a lantern; the moon will be up soon, but until +then I shall want a light. I am just coming in to get it, then I shall +go out again; but you must stop at home; father may come back, and if +he found us both out after dark he would think something was wrong and +start to look for us; then we should be worse off than ever." + +Johnny said "Yes"; but suggested, "I think we'd better look round +about the house once more. I think I'll take a light and look round +again." + +Julia did not think it would be much use; however she consented, +though she had to go with Johnny; she did not trust him with a lantern +among the out-buildings. They looked round once more, in the sheds and +in the dark garden; afterwards they went out and looked beyond the +wall all round, on the side where the heather grew and also on the +side where the loose sand came close. It took time; Johnny was too +tired to move quickly or even to understand quickly what was said to +him. At last Julia stopped and spoke decisively. + +"You had better go in now," she said; "it won't do for us both to be +out any longer; one of us must go in, and I think it had better be +you. Make a good fire, see that there is plenty of hot water and get +something to eat so as to be ready to do things when I come back." + +Johnny acquiesced and Julia, having watched him into the house, took +up her lantern and set out in the direction of the sandhills. + +It was her last resource; it did not seem to her likely that her +father could have gone there; at the best of times he disliked the +place, finding it very tiring. Still, with the wind behind him as it +would have been this morning, it is possible he would have found it +the easiest way--if he could have managed to forget what the coming +back would be. At all events she determined to try it, so she set out +for the waste. + +By this time the moon was rising, and, in spite of the driving clouds +which had not all dispersed, at times it shone clear. Beneath it the +stretch of sand lay pale and desolate, a new-formed landscape of fresh +contours, loosely-piled hills and shallow scooped hollows shaped by +to-day's wind. An easy place for a man to miss his way with a gale +blowing and the sand dancing blinding reels. A hard place for a man to +travel far when he had to face the wind; a strong man would have found +it very tiring, a weak man might well have given it up, driven to +waiting for a lull in the weather. As for a man in the Captain's +health--when Julia thought of it she hurried on, although she knew if +her father had to-day, as he had all through his life, followed the +line of least resistance, the chances were that her help would be of +little avail to him now. + +She carried her lantern low, looking carefully for footprints; soon, +however, she put it out; she would do better without in the increasing +moon-light. But she found no prints; after all, as she remembered, she +was hardly likely to; the wind and blowing sand would have obliterated +them. Over the first level of sand she went to the nearest rise +without seeing anything; up to that and down the following hollow, +looking in every curve and indentation, still without seeing anything. +Then she began to climb the next rise. The moon was struggling through +a long cloud, one moment eclipsed, the next shining with a half +radiance which made the landscape unevenly black and white. For a +second it looked out clear, and the sand showed like silver, +tear-spotted with ink in the hollows; then the cloud swept up and all +turned to a level grey. She had climbed to the top of a rise by now, +sinking deep and noiseless into the soft sand. It was too dark to see +what was below; all was shadow, black shadow--or was it a blackness +more substantial than shadow? + +The cloud passed from off the moon's face, the light shone out once +more, turning the sand to silver. All the great empty space, where the +dying wind still throbbed, was white silver, except down in the hollow +where, black and still, lay the man who had followed the line of least +resistance. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +PAYMENT AND RECEIPT + + +On the day of Captain Polkington's funeral, a letter was brought to +White's Cottage. Julia herself took it in, and when she saw that it +was from Holland she asked the postman to wait a minute as she would +be glad if he would post a letter for her. He sat down, nothing loth; +the cottage was the last place on his round and he never minded a rest +there. He waited while Julia went up-stairs with her letter. She +opened it before she got to her room and barely read the contents; +there was enclosed a cheque for thirty pounds, the price of "The Good +Comrade." + +It had come, then, at last, this money for which she had been waiting +two years--but too late. The man in whose name she would have paid the +debt lay dead. She had planned to clear him without his knowledge, +reinstate him in the good opinion of his debtor without letting her +hand be seen; and she could not, for he was dead, and there was no +hand but hers, and no name to clear. It was not a week too late, yet +so much, so bitterly much. Too late for her cherished plan, too late +for any of the things she had hoped, too late for triumph, or joy, or +satisfaction; too late to demonstrate the once hoped for equality; too +late for the fulfilling of anything but a dogged purpose. For a moment +she looked at the cheque, feeling the irony which had sent her the +means of paying his debt now that her father lay in his coffin, +indifferent to his good name and his honour; unable, alike, to clear +or be cleared, to wrong or be wronged; removed by kindly death from +the scope of earthly judgment, even the just thoughts of one who had +suffered on his account. + +She put down the cheque and pencilled some hasty words--"In payment of +Captain Polkington's debt (to Mr. Rawson-Clew) discharged by Hubert +Farquhar Rawson-Clew on the--November 19--" + +So she wrote, then she put the slip with the cheque in an envelope and +addressed it to the London club where the explosive had been sent. + +"It will be posted before the funeral," she thought; "I'm glad--it +will all end together--poor father!" + +She went down-stairs and gave the letter to the postman. Mrs. +Polkington came into the kitchen as she was doing so, for Mrs. +Polkington was at the cottage now. + +There are some women who seem designed by nature for widows, just as +there are others designed for grandmothers and yet others for old +maids. Mrs. Polkington was of the first sort; she seemed specially +created to adorn the position of widow-hood; she certainly did adorn +it; she was a pattern to all widows and did not miss a single point of +the situation. Of course she came to the cottage as soon as possible +after receiving news of her husband's death. The journey was long and +expensive, the weather somewhat bad; that weighed for nothing with +her; she was there as soon as might be, feeling, saying and doing just +what a bereaved widow ought. The fact that she and her husband had +been obliged through the force of circumstances, to live separate the +past year did not alter her emotions, her real tears or her real +grief. Considering the practice and experience she had had it would +have been surprising if she had not succeeded in deceiving herself as +well as most of her world in these things. So acute were her feelings +that when she came into the kitchen and saw Julia dispatching the +letter, she felt quite a shock. + +"What is it?" she asked; "What is the matter?" + +"Only a letter that could not wait," Julia answered. + +"Surely it could have waited till to-morrow," her mother said; "under +the circumstances surely one would be excused." + +Julia thought differently but did not say so, and in silence set about +some necessary preparation. + +The Reverend Richard Frazer came to the funeral; Violet was unable to +do so; he represented her and supported his mother-in-law too. The +banker, Mr. Ponsonby, also made the tedious journey to Halgrave; he +came out of respect for death in the abstract, and also because he +expected affairs would want looking to, and it would suit him better +to do it now than later. These two with Johnny, Julia and her mother, +were the only mourners at the funeral; a few village folk, moved by +curiosity, attended, but no one else; there was not even an empty +carriage, representative of a good family, following the humble +cortege. Mrs. Polkington observed this and felt it; an empty carriage +and good livery following would have given her satisfaction, without +in any way diminishing her sorrow and proper feeling. It is +conceivable she would have found satisfaction in being shipwrecked in +aristocratic company, without at the same time, suffering less than +she ought to suffer. + +After the funeral they returned to the cottage and had a repast of +Julia's providing, eminently suitable to the occasion. Everything was +eminently suitable, every one's behaviour, every one's clothes; Mr. +Frazer's grave face, the banker's jerky manner--the manner of a man +concerned with the world's money market and ill at ease in the +intrusive presence of death. Mrs. Polkington's voice, face, feelings, +sayings, everything. Julia's own behaviour was perfect, though all the +time she saw how it looked as plainly as if she had been another and +disinterested person, and once or twice she had an hysterical desire +to applaud a good stroke of her mother's or prompt a backward speech +of her uncle's. Mr. Gillat, of course, did nothing suitable; he never +did. He kept up a preternaturally cheerful appearance during the meal, +stopping his mouth with large corks of bread, answering "Ah, yes, yes, +just so," indiscriminately whenever he was spoken to, and starting +three separate conversations on the weather on his own account. As +soon as the table was cleared, he fled into the back kitchen, shut +himself in with the dishes, and was seen no more. The others remained +in the sitting-room and talked things over, arranging plans for the +future and for the immediate present. And when the time came and the +conveyance was brought to the gate, they set out on the homeward +journey together. Johnny did not come out of the kitchen to say +good-bye; only Julia came to the gate. + +Mr. Ponsonby was going back home; Mr. Frazer and Mrs. Polkington were +going with him to spend the night in town and go on westwards the next +morning. Mr. Frazer was anxious to get back to his parish, and Mrs. +Polkington to her daughter, who was expecting her first baby shortly. +It was this expected event which prevented the young rector from +asking Julia to stay with him and Violet until such time as she and +her mother could settle somewhere together. It was this same event +which prevented Mrs. Polkington from remaining at White's Cottage and +sharing Julia's solitude until their plans were settled. All this was +explained to Julia in the best Polkington manner and she seemed quite +satisfied with the explanation. Mr. Ponsonby had to be perforce; there +seemed no alternative; all the same he was not quite pleased. It was +all sensible enough, of course, only as he saw Julia standing at the +gate in the November afternoon, he did not quite like it. + +"Look here," he said shortly, "you shut up this place here, send Mr. +Gillat to his friends, or his rooms, or wherever he came from, and +come to me. You can come and make your home with me, and welcome, till +things are settled; there's plenty of room." + +This was a good deal for Mr. Ponsonby to say, considering what an +annoyance the Polkington family had been to him, how--not without +wisdom--he had set his face against letting them into his house for +more than twenty-four hours at a stretch, and how much this particular +member had thwarted and exasperated him at their last meeting. Julia +recognised this and recognised also the kindness of the brusque +suggestion. She thanked him warmly for the offer though she refused +it, assuring him that she and Johnny would be all right at the +cottage. + +"We do not find it lonely," she said; "we are quite happy here, +happier than anywhere else, I think." + +The banker grunted, not convinced; Mr. Frazer shook hands with Julia +and said he hoped it would not be long before he saw her; Mrs. +Polkington reiterated the remark, kissing her the while; then they +drove away and Julia went into the house. She went into the back +kitchen; Mr. Gillat was not there; the dishes were all put away and +the place was quite tidy. Julia went through to the front kitchen; +there she saw Johnny; he was kneeling by the Captain's old chair, his +arms thrown across the seat, his silly pink face buried in them, his +rounded shoulders shaking with sobs. + +Johnny loved as a dog loves, without reason, without thought of +return; not for wisdom, worth or deserts, just because he did love +and, having once loved, loved always; forgiving everything, expecting +nothing--foolish, faithful, true. So he loved his friend, so he +mourned him now, be-blubbering the seat of the shabby chair which +spoke so eloquently to him of the irritable, exacting presence now +gone for ever. + +"Johnny," Julia said softly; "Johnny dear." + +She put a hand on the round shoulders and somehow slipped herself into +the shabby chair. + +"Johnny," she said, "let us sit by the fire awhile and not talk of +anything at all." + +So they sat together till twilight fell. + +The next day there came another to Julia, one who knew nothing of what +had befallen in these last days. It was almost twilight when he came; +Johnny had gone out to collect fir-cones; Julia sent him, partly +because their stock was low and partly because she thought it would do +him good. She did not expect him back much before five o'clock; it +would be dark by then certainly, but not very dark for the day was +clear, with a touch of frost in the air; one of those days when the +last of the sunset burns low down in the sky long after the stars are +out. It was not much after four o'clock when Julia heard something +approaching, certainly not Johnny nor anything connected with him, for +it was the throb of a motor coming fast. Only once before since she +had been at the cottage had she heard that sound on the lonely road, +on the day when Rawson-Clew came. It could not be him now, she was +sure of that. He might have received the money this morning certainly, +but he would not come because of that, rather he would keep away; +there was no reason why he should come. She told herself it was +impossible, and then went to the door to see, puzzled in her own mind +what she should say if the impossible had happened and it was he. + +The throbbing had ceased by now; there was the click of the gate even +as she opened the door, and he--it was he and no other--was coming up +the little brick path in the twilight. His face was curiously clear in +the light which lingered low down; and when she saw it and the look it +wore, all plans of what she should say fled, and the feeling came upon +her which was like that which came when she crouched behind the +chopping-block and he barred the way. It seemed as if he had been +pursuing and she escaping and eluding for a long time, but now--he was +coming up the path and she was standing in the doorway with the pale +light strong on her face and nowhere to fly to and no way of escape. + +"Why did you not tell me before?" he said without any greeting at all, +and he spoke as if he had right and authority. "Why did you let this +thing weigh on you for two years and never say a word of it to me?" + +"I was ashamed," she answered with truth. Then the spirit which still +inhabits some women, making them willing to be won by capture, +prompted her to struggle against the capitulation she was ready to +make. "There was nothing to speak of to you or any one else," she +said, with an effort at her old assurance, and she led the way in as +she spoke. "I never meant to speak of it at all, I meant just to pay +the debt as from father, and not myself appear in it. I did not do it +that way, I know; I could not; I did not get the money till yesterday +and--and"--the assurance faded away pathetically--"that was too late." + +Rawson-Clew looked down, and for the first time noticed her mourning +dress, and realising what it meant, remembered that convention +demanded that a man, whose claim depends on another's death, should +not push it as soon as the funeral is over. However he did not go +away, the pathos of Julia's voice kept him. + +"Late or early would have made little difference," he said; "it is +just the same now as if it had been early. Do you think I should not +have known who sent the money at whatever time and in whatever +circumstances it was paid? Do you think I know two people who would +pay a debt, which can hardly be said to exist, in such a way?" + +But Julia was not comforted. "It is too late," she re-repeated; "too +late for any satisfaction. I thought I would prove that we were honest +and honourable by paying it; I wanted to show father--that I--that our +standard was the same as yours, and I have not." + +"No," he answered, "you have not and you never will; your standard is +not the same as mine; mine is the honour of an accepted convention, +and yours is the honour of a personal truth, a personal experience, +the honour of the soul." + +But she shook her head. "It is not really," she said; "and father--" + +"As to your father," he interrupted gently, "do you not think that +sometimes the potter's thumb slips in the making of a vessel?" + +She looked up with a feeling of gratitude. "Yes," she said; "yes, that +is it, if only we could realise it--poor father. It was partly our +fault, too, mother's, all of ours--and he is dead now." + +"I know. Let him rest in peace; we are concerned no more with his +doings or misdoings; our concern, yours and mine is with the living." + +She did not answer; a piece of wood had fallen from the fire and lay +blazing and spluttering on the hearth; she stooped to pick it up and +he watched her. + +"I know I have no business here now," he said. "Had I known of his +death before, I would not have come to-day; I would have waited, but +since I have come--Julia--" + +She was standing straight now, the wood safely back in the fire; he +put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to him. "Julia, you and +I have always dealt openly, without regarding appearances, let us deal +so now--since I have come. Won't you let me give you a receipt?" + + * * * * * + +Julia said afterwards that receipts for the payment of such debts were +unnecessary and never given; which was perhaps as well, for the one +she received in the dusk was not of a kind recognised at law. Could it +afterwards have been produced it would not have proved the payment of +money, though at the time it proved several things, principally the +fact that, though friendship and comradeship are fine and excellent +things, there are simple primitive passions which leap up through them +and transfigure them and forget them, and it is these which make man +man, and woman woman, and life worth living, and the world worth +winning and losing, too, and bring the kingdom of heaven to earth +again. + +It also proved how exceedingly firmly a man who is in the habit of +wearing a single eyeglass must screw it into his eye, for, as Julia +remarked with some surprise, the one which interested her did not fall +out. + + * * * * * + +Mr. Gillat came home with his fir-cones at a quarter to five. And when +he came he saw that, to him, most fascinating sight--a motor-car, +standing empty and quiet by the gate. He looked at it with keen +interest, then he looked round the empty landscape for its owner, and +not seeing him, wondered if he was in the house. He put away the cones +and came to the conclusion that the owner was not there and the car +was an abandoned derelict. For which, perhaps, he may be forgiven, for +there was no light at the parlour window and no sound of voices that +he could hear from the kitchen; even when he opened the door and +walked in he did not in the firelight see any one besides Julia at +first. + +"Julia," he said, bringing in the astonishing news, "there is a +motor-car outside!" + +"Yes," Julia answered composedly; "but it is going away soon." + +"Not very soon," another voice spoke out of the gloom of the chimney +corner, and Johnny jumped as he recognised it. + +"Dear me!" he said; "dear me! Mr. Rawson-Clew! How do you do? I am +pleased to see you." + +The motor did not go away very soon; it stayed quite as long, rather +longer, in fact, than Mr. Gillat expected. And when it did go, he did +not have the pleasure of seeing it start; he somehow got shut in the +kitchen while Julia went out to the gate. + +When she came back she shut the door carefully, then turned to him, +and he noticed how her eyes were shining. "Johnny," she said, "I am a +selfish beast; I am going to leave you. Not yet, oh, not yet, but one +day." + +Johnny stared a moment, then said, "Of course, oh, of course, to be +sure--to live with your mother, she'll want you. A wonderful woman." + +"Not to live with my mother," Julia said emphatically. "Sit down and I +will tell you all about it." + +And she told, slowly and suitably, fearing that he would hardly +understand the wonderful goodness of fate to her. But she need not +have been afraid; he took her meaning at once, far quicker than she +expected, for he saw no wonder in it, only a very great goodness for +the man who had won her, and a great and radiant happiness for himself +in the happiness that had come to her. As for his loneliness, he never +thought of that, why should he? Of course she would leave him, it was +the right and proper thing to do; she would leave him anyhow. + +"You couldn't go on living with me here," he said; "I mean, I couldn't +go on living with you; it wouldn't be the thing, you know; you must +think of that." + +Julia caught her breath between tears and laughter, but he went on +stoutly: "I shall go back to town, to Mrs. Horn; I shall like it--at +least when I get used to it. It is quite time I went back to town; a +man ought not to stay too long in the country; he gets rusty." + +"You won't go back to town," Julia said; "you will never do that. You +will stay here in the cottage, and Mrs. Gray from next door to the +shop will come and live here as your housekeeper; I am going to +arrange it with her. She will come and she will bring her little +grand-daughter and you will keep on living here always." + +For a moment Johnny's face beamed; the prospect was exquisite; but he +sternly put it from him. "No," he said, "I shouldn't like that; it's +kind of you, but--" + +"Johnny," Julia interrupted, "you should always speak the truth--you +do anything else so badly! I don't mind if you like my plan or not, +you will have to put up with it to help me; some one must take care of +the cottage." + +"But you will want to come yourself," Mr. Gillat protested. + +"Never, unless you are here." + +In the end Julia had her way. Johnny lived at the cottage, and Mrs. +Gray and her grandchild came to keep house. And Billy, Mrs. Gray's +nephew, came to help in the garden and take care of the donkey; in the +spring there was a donkey added to the establishment, and a little +tub-cart which held four children easily, besides Mr. Gillat. And it +is doubtful if, in all the country round, there was a happier man than +he who tended Julia's plants in Julia's garden, and drove parties of +chattering children along the quiet lanes, and sat on warm summer +evenings beside his old friend's grave in Halgrave churchyard. He had +forgotten many things, old slights and old pains, and old losses; +forgotten, perhaps, most things except love. Foolish Johnny, God's +fool, basking in God's sunshine. + +And Julia and Rawson-Clew were married, very quietly, without any pomp +or ostentation at all. And if, on the honeymoon, he did not show her +all the places he had thought of on the day when he travelled north +with the girl with the carnations, it was because he had not several +years at his disposal just then. Afterwards he made up for it as work +allowed and time could be found. In the record of their lives there +are many days noted down as holidays, even such holidays as that first +one spent on the Dunes. In the springtime, when the bulb flowers were +in bloom, they went once more to the Dunes and to the little old town +where the Van Heigens lived. They were received with much ceremony by +Mijnheer and his wife, and entertained at a dinner which lasted from +four till half-past six. It is true that afterwards state had to be +lain aside, for Julia insisted on helping to wash the priceless +Nankeen china while her husband smoked long cigars with Mijnheer on +the veranda, but that was all her own fault. Denah came to tea +drinking, she and her lately-wed husband, the bashful son of a +well-to-do shipowner. She was very smiling and all bustling and +greatly pleased with herself and all things, and if she thought poorly +of Julia for washing the plates, she thought very well of the +glittering rings she had left on the veranda-table and well, too, of +her husband, who she recognised as the mysterious "man of good family" +they had seen on the day they drove to the wood. And afterwards when +the tea drinking was done and the dew was falling, Julia walked with +Joost among his flowers, and heard him speak of his hopes and +ambitions, and knew that in his work he had found all the satisfaction +that a man may reasonably hope for here. + +Later, Julia and her husband walked through the tidy streets of the +town, looking in at lighted windows, listening to the patois of the +peasants and recalling past times. It was then that he told her how he +had that day tried to buy back the streaked daffodil. + +"And Mijnheer would not sell it?" she asked. + +"No," he answered; "not at any price, so I am afraid that you will +have to do without 'The Good Comrade' after all." + +"I?" she said; "I can do quite well. Thank you for trying to get it; +all the same I am not sure I want it back." + +"Do you not? Then I am quite sure that I do not, indeed, I rather +fancy I already have the real 'Good Comrade.'" + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Good Comrade, by Una L. 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