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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/18052-8.txt b/18052-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fde3dfc --- /dev/null +++ b/18052-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10573 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Medoline Selwyn's Work, by Mrs. J. J. Colter + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Medoline Selwyn's Work + +Author: Mrs. J. J. Colter + +Release Date: March 26, 2006 [EBook #18052] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEDOLINE SELWYN'S WORK *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by the Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions +(www.canadiana.org)) + + + + + + + + + + Medoline Selwyn's Work. + + BY MRS. J. J. COLTER. + + + BOSTON: + IRA BRADLEY & CO. + COPYRIGHT, 1889. + + + + + "The golden opportunity. + Is never offered twice: seize, then, the hour + When Fortune smiles and Duty points the way; + Nor shrink aside to 'scape the fear.-- + Nor pause though Pleasure beckon from her bower, + But bravely bear thee onward to the goal" + + + + +CHAPTER. + + I. Mrs. Blake + II. Oaklands + III. Esmerelda + IV. The Funeral + V. A New Accomplishment Learned + VI. Mr. Winthrop + VII. Examination + VIII. Mrs. Larkum + IX. An Evening Walk + X. A Helping Hand + XI. City Life + XII. New Acquaintances + XIII. Alone With His Dead + XIV. Humble Charities + XV. A Pleasant Surprise + XVI. Hope Realized + XVII. Christmas-tide + XVIII. The Christmas Tree + XIX. Three Important Letters + XX. Mrs. Le Grande + XXI. Mrs. Le Grande's Story + XXII. The Changed Heart + XXIII. The Encounter at St. Mark's + XXIV. Mrs. Le Grande's Stratagem + XXV. Beech Street Worshippers + XXVI. From The Depths + XXVII. Convalescence + XXVIII. The Sound of Marriage Bells + XXIX. The End + + + + +MEDOLINE SELWYN'S WORK. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +MRS. BLAKE. + + +The cars were not over-crowded, and were moving leisurely along in the +soft, midsummer twilight. At first, I had felt a trifle annoyed at my +carelessness in missing the Express by which I had been expected; but now +I quite enjoyed going in this mixed train, since I could the better +observe the country than in the swifter Express. As I drew near the end +of my journey, my pulses began to quicken with nervousness, not unmixed +with dread. + +Captain Green, under whose care I had been placed when I left my home for +the last eight years, had concluded, no doubt very wisely, that I could +travel the remaining few miles through quiet county places alone. This +last one hundred and fifty miles, however, had been the most trying part +of the whole journey. My English was a trifle halting; all our teachers +spoke German as their mother tongue at the school, and the last two years +I was the only English-born pupil. Captain Green was an old East Indian +officer, like my own dead father, and very readily undertook the care of +a troublesome chit of a girl across the ocean, in memory of the strong +friendship subsisting between himself and my father, now long since +passed to other service than that of Her Gracious Majesty. The Captain +was a very silent man, and therefore not calculated to help me to a +better acquaintance of any language, while he did not encourage me to +make friends with my traveling companions. The journey had been therefore +a very quiet one to me, but I had found it delightful. I had, like most +of our species, an innate love of the sea; and the long, still hours as I +sat alone gazing out over the restless waters, have left one of the +pleasantest of all the pictures hanging in memory's halls. + +As I did not wish to be taken, even by the chance traveling companions of +a few hours, for other than an English or American girl, I resolved to +speak fewest possible words to any one on the journey; and when the +conductor came for my ticket, I repressed the desire to ask him to tell +me when my own station would be reached, and merely shook my head at the +news agents who were more troublesome, if possible, than the dust and +smoke which poured in at doors and windows. Captain Green had telegraphed +my guardian the hour at which I would arrive, but I got so interested +watching the busy crowds on the streets from my hotel window that, for a +while, I forgot that I too needed a measure of their eager haste, if I +were soon to terminate this long journey over land and sea. I was +beginning to fear, at last, after the cars had been in motion some hours, +that I might have passed my station; so I concluded to have my question +carefully written down, and the next time the conductor came near me hand +it to him. I had not long to wait, and giving him the slip of paper, I +murmured "Please." + +He read, and then looking at me very intently said: + +"Are you a foreigner?" + +"Oh, no; English," I said, blushing furiously. + +"Why don't you speak then, when you want anything? That's what we're here +for." + +I bowed my head quite proudly and said, "Will you please, then, answer my +question?" + +"We won't be there for an hour or more. Are you not the young lady Mrs. +Flaxman is expecting?" + +"I am Mr. Winthrop's ward. I do not know any Mrs. Flaxman." + +"Oh, it's all the same. She lives with him; is a cousin, or something +connected with him. He is away now; left a month ago for the Pacific +coast." + +He was sitting now quite comfortably in the next seat. + +"You needn't have any more anxiety about the stopping places," he +continued, very cordially; "I will look after you, and see that you +get safely home, if there's no one there to meet you. Most likely they +expected you by the morning's Express." Then he inquired about my +luggage, examining my checks and keeping up a running stream of +conversation which I seemed compelled to answer. After the rigid +exclusion of my school life, where we were taught to regard all sorts of +men with a measure of wholesome dread, I scarce knew whether to be proud +of my courage in being able to sit there, with such outward calmness, or +ashamed of my boldness. If I could only have consulted one of the +teachers just for a moment it would have been such a relief; but +presently the train stopped, when he left my side, his seat to be +immediately occupied by an elderly woman with a huge covered basket. +After considerable difficulty she got herself and basket bestowed to her +satisfaction just before the cars got in motion. She moved uneasily on +the seat, looking around on all sides a trifle nervously, and then +in an awed whisper said to me, "Don't the cars go all to smash +sometimes?" + +"Not many times," I tried to say reassuringly. + +"I wan't never in 'em afore, and wouldn't be now, only my son Dan'el's +wife's took oncommon bad, and he thinks I can cure her." + +She remained quiet a while, and then somewhat reassured began to grow +curious about her traveling companions. + +"Have you cum fur?" she asked. + +I explained that I had come a good many miles. + +"All alone?" + +"Only from New York." + +"Going fur?" + +"To Cavendish." + +"Did you say Cavendish?" + +"Yes." + +"Be you a furriner?" + +"No, I am English;" I felt my color rising as I answered. + +"Well, you speak sort o' queer, but my old man was English, too, a +Norfolk man, and blest if I could understand quarter he said for ever so +long after we got keeping company. I used to say yes to everything I +didn't understand when we was alone, for fear he might be popping the +question; but laws, I knew well enough when he did ask." + +She fell into an apparently pleasant reverie, but soon returned to the +actualities of life. + +"You're not married, surely." + +I answered in the negative with fewest possible words. + +"Got a young man, though, I'll warrant; such a likely girl." + +"I do not understand what you mean," I answered with considerable +dignity, glad to let her know that her own English was not perfect. + +"You must have been riz in a queer place not to know what likely is. Why, +it's good-looking; and anybody knows you're that. But I suppose you +didn't have much eddication, they mostly don't in England; my man didn't +know even his letters; but I have pretty good book larnin' and so we got +on all right," she continued, with a retrospective look on her not +unkindly face. + +"Who might your folks be in Cavendish?" she asked, after a few moments of +welcome silence. + +"I have no relatives there," I answered, I am afraid, rather +ungraciously. + +"Going as governess or nurse girl to some of the aristocracy there? You +don't look as if you ever did much housework, though." + +"I am going to Mr. Winthrop's." + +"Deu tell! Why, I lived with his mother myself, when I was a widder +first." + +Then she relapsed into another eloquent pause of silence, while possibly +in her dim way she was reflecting how history repeats itself. But coming +back to reality again, and scanning me more closely than ever, she asked, +"Are you going there to work?" + +My patience was getting exhausted, and it is possible there was a trace +of petulance in my voice as I said, "No, I am Mr. Winthrop's ward." + +"Deu tell! What is that?" + +"He is my guardian." + +"Why, he is a young man for that. I thought they got elderly men." + +"My father held the same relation to him." + +She was some time taking in the idea, but she said at last, "Oh, I see." + +I took a book from my satchel and began reading; but she did not long +permit me to enjoy it; her next remark, however, riveted my attention. + +"I wonder if your name isn't Selwyn." + +"Yes." + +"Deary me, then I have seen your pa and ma long ago at Oaklands; that's +the Winthrop's place." + +"Please tell me about them. I never saw them after I was ten years old. I +was sent from India, and then they died." + +I spoke with a slight hesitancy, having first to translate my sentences, +as I still thought, in German. + +"Well, I wan't much acquainted with 'em. Housemaids ain't in general on +friendly terms with the quality, but your ma was so kind to us servants, +I've always remembered her. Mrs. Winthrop sot a sight by her." + +"What was that?" I asked, much mystified. + +"Oh, she liked them better'n most." + +"Do you recollect their appearance?" + +"Yes; your father was a soldier-like, handsome looking man, very tall and +pretty stern. Your ma minded me of a flower, she was so delicate. They +wan't long married then, but my, they was fond of each other! Your father +just worshipped her. I heard Mrs. Winthrop say he had a hard time to get +her. Your ma's folks didn't want her to marry a soldier. She was an only +child, and they lived in England. The Winthrops were English, too, as +well as your father." + +It was my turn now to fall into a reverie at the strangeness of +circumstances, thus causing me to meet this plain, old body, and learning +from her incidents about my own dead parents I might otherwise never have +known; besides she told it in such a realistic way that, in some +mysterious fashion, like mind reading, I seemed to see it all myself +through her clear eyes. + +"Have you many brothers and sisters?" + +"My mother had four children; but the others died in infancy." + +"You look rugged as most young ladies." + +"Do you mean healthy?" + +"Well, yes; you have a clear complexion and rosy cheeks." + +"They were extremely careful of our health at the school where I have +been for the last eight years. That was the reason my father sent me +there. He had heard how remarkably healthy their pupils were." + +"'Twan't in this country, or you'd speak more nateral like." + +"No, it was in Brussels." + +"Oh, yes; in England, I suppose." + +"No, on the continent of Europe; a city in Belgium, the capital." + +"And you've talked a furrin tongue, then." + +"Yes, several; but the German is the only one I speak quite correctly." + +"Bless your heart, you'll soon talk fast enough in English. Your voice is +very sweet; it minds me of your ma's. And it 'pears to me you speak +better already." + +I was beaming on the good woman now. + +"Will you remain long in Cavendish?" I ventured on a question or two +myself. + +"It'll depend on Dan'el's wife. He wants me to come and live with 'em, +but I hain't much hankering for darters-in-law, and I reckon we'd be +better friends furder apart. However I'll stay till she gets well; it +costs so for hired girls." + +"May I come and see you?" I asked. + +"Bless your dear heart, I'll be proud to have you come." + +"Will you please tell me your name and what street you live on?" + +"Oh, the streets don't amount to much in Cavendish. My name is Betsy +Blake; just inquire for Dan'el Blake on the Mill Road; he works in +Belcher's steam mill. Laws, how quick the time has gone! I thought for +sure I'd be amost scart to death; and I've hardly once thought of getting +smashed since I sot down here first; and now we're just into Cavendish." + +I glanced through the window, and my heart throbbed joyously; for there, +stretching so far away I could see no further shore, lay the beautiful +ocean. No matter now what might be my home in this strange, new country. +With my passion for the sea, and it so near, I could not be utterly +desolate. To sit on these cliffs, reddening now in the sunset and watch +the outgoing tide, sending imaginary messages on the departing waves to +far-off shores, would surely, to some extent, deaden the sense of utter +isolation from the world of childhood and youth. Mrs. Blake shook my hand +warmly, repeating again the invitation to visit her at Daniel's, while +she gathered up her huge basket and started for the door with the cars +still in motion. I sat watching from the window the groups of people +waiting for the incoming train as we stopped at the station. A few +carriages were there, but none of them had come for Mrs. Blake. A strong +limbed man, with a dejected face, relieved her of the basket and then +hurried away, she rapidly following. I felt sorry for them, and was +speculating what news Daniel had brought of his sick wife, quite +forgetting for the time that I too had need to be astir. The conductor, +however, soon reminded me of the fact as he announced briskly that a +carriage was in waiting for me. + +"They will send down bye-and-bye for your luggage; it's only a one-seated +affair outside." + +I followed him to the carriage; a bright faced young fellow was holding a +spirited horse; from his bearing I instantly set him down as something +more than a servant. + +"Here, Flaxman, is your charge," the conductor remarked, as he assisted +me into the carriage. + +"Miss Selwyn, I presume," the young man said, politely, as he +disentangled one hand from the reins to grasp mine. The horse started off +on a biasing canter, much to my amusement. + +"You are not afraid, I hope," my companion said, a trifle anxiously. + +"Not afraid, but amused; your horse goes so oddly; but I am not +accustomed to their ways." I added, fearing my remark might give offence. + +"Faery and I are very good friends, and understand each other thoroughly; +but strangers usually get alarmed." + +My knowledge of quadrupeds was so limited I thought it safest to remain +silent. + +Presently we passed the Blakes, I longed to relieve Daniel of his heavy +basket; for even he seemed to stagger beneath its weight. + +"I was speaking with that woman on the train. She comes to attend her +son's wife, who is sick." + +"Oh, the Blakes, then. She won't have much to do, Dan's wife died to-day; +poor beggar, he looks heartbroken." + +"Your wife may be dead some day; then you will know how dreadfully he +feels," I said, hotly. The flippant tone in face of such sorrow +distressed me. He gave me a merry look as he said: "There are always +plenty left to replace the lost ones. A wife is far easier got than a +horse; one like Faery, for instance." + +I shut my mouth firmly and turned my head away to watch the white sails +idly mirrored, in the still waters, I knew he was furtively watching me, +and this alone held back my tears, as I thought of poor Blake's desolate +hearthstone, as well as my own heart's loneliness in this wide continent +of strangers. + +"Mr. Winthrop regretted being away when you arrived, but he expected us +to be kind to you; so we must not quarrel first thing." My companion +said, with entire change of tone. + +"I quarrel pretty easily," I stammered, "my temper is very abrupt." + +"Most of us have quick tempers; but, I think, you, at least, have a +generous one." + +Then I recollected abrupt was not a very suitable word to couple with +temper. Taken altogether, I found this drive home with Faery and her +master anything but enjoyable. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +OAKLANDS. + + +Faery's head was turned at last from the wide, dusty street into an +imposing gateway, which lead through an avenue bordered thickly with +evergreens mostly pine and hemlock. "These trees look a trifle hot in +summer; but they are a capital protection in a winter's storm, I assure +you," my companion said with an apologetic air. + +I could think of no suitable reply; so merely said, "yes." + +"It's a tradition among their acquaintances that the Winthrops believe in +getting the very best possible good out of everything." + +"Have they succeeded?" + +"Better than the generality of folks; but they have come pretty near +extinction, at least on this side the water. Mr. Winthrop is the last of +his race." + +"Has he no children?" + +"He is a bachelor." + +"But he may have children and a wife some day." + +"You will probably be his heir, if he does not marry, I believe he is +your heir by your father's will, in case you die without heirs." + +I laughed merrily. "He will outlive me probably. What good would his +money do me if I were old, or maybe dead?" + +"Your children might enjoy it." + +I wondered was it customary in this country to speculate on such remote +possibilities, but said nothing. We soon reached the house, which stood +on ground elevated to command a magnificent view of the sea, the distant +headlands, and a wide stretch of hill and dale. The house itself reminded +me more of old world buildings than any I had yet seen in America; and, +on the spot, I took a fancy to it, and felt that here I could easily +cultivate the home feeling, without which I should still be a wanderer on +the earth. Mrs. Flaxman was standing to receive me as I ascended the +granite steps that led to the main entrance. The great stone house had +wings at either end while deep breaks in the heavy masonry of the walls +occurred at regular intervals, and heavy pillars of granite made a +massive background for this fair, slight woman as I looked at her. + +"I will commit Miss Selwyn to your care, mother, while I take a little +longer drive with Faery," my companion said, graciously. + +"I will accept your trust with a great deal of pleasure, Hubert," she +said, receiving me with a cordiality that warmed my heart. "You are very +welcome home. At least, I hope you will feel at home here." + +"I have no other, now that I have left school," I said, gravely. + +"Young ladies do not often waste much sentiment on their boarding-school +home, so I think we shall succeed in making you content here with us at +Oaklands." + +"I have always been accustomed to find my own sources of content. We were +left at school to amuse ourselves or not, as we willed." + +"But I hope we shall not be so indifferent to your pleasure. Mr. Winthrop +is not much of a society man, but we still see a good many visitors." + +The main entrance of the house was finer than anything I had remembered +to have seen, and at first I felt quite oppressed by the grandeur of my +surroundings; but when Mrs. Flaxman had conducted me to my own room, its +dainty furnishings and appointments made it appear to me, after the plain +accommodations of the school, a perfect bower for any maiden. I went to +one of the deep windows and looked out over the splendid stretch of land +and sea scape spread before me. Drawing a long sigh of perfect content, I +exclaimed: "I know I shall be happy here. How could I help it, with such +pictures to look at?" + +"If you admire the scenery so much at first, what will your sensations be +when you have grown intimate with its beauty? Nature enters into our +humanity like human acquaintances." + +"What do you mean?" I asked, much mystified. + +"There are some places like some people--the more we study them the more +they are admired, we are continually discovering hidden beauties. But you +must study nature closely, at all hours and seasons, to discover her +subtle charms." + +"Won't you teach me what you have learned?" + +"If I can do so I shall be glad; but I think we must each study her for +ourselves. She has no text books that I have ever seen." + +"I wonder do we all see things alike? Does that sea, now a sheet of rose +and amethyst, and the sky that seems another part of the same, and the +green trees, and hills, and rocks, look to you as they do to me?" + +"Not yet, my child. When you have studied them as long, and have the +memories of years clustering around each well-remembered spot, they may +look the same to you as they now do to me; but not till then," she added, +I fancied a little sadly. + +"Probably I shall enjoy this exquisite view better without the memories; +they usually hold a sting." + +"That depends on the way we use life. To live as God wills, leaves no +sting for after thought." + +"Not if death comes and takes our loved ones? How alone I am in the world +because of him." + +"There are far sadder experiences than yours. Death is not always our +worst enemy; we may have a death in life, compared with which Death +itself is an angel of light." + +"Oh, what a strange, sad thing life is at the best! Is it worth being +born and suffering so much for all the joy we find?" + +"No, indeed, if this life were all; but it is only the faint dawn of a +brighter, grander existence, more worthy the gift of a God." + +"But we must die to get to that fuller, higher life;" I said, suddenly +remembering poor Blake's dead wife. + +She smiled compassionately. + +"It is hard convincing you young people that even death may be a tender +friend, a welcome messenger. But we won't talk in this strain any longer, +I scarce know why we drifted into it. I want your first impressions of +home to be joyous, for they are apt to haunt us long after we make the +discovery that they were not correct." + +"I wonder if you are not something of a philosopher? I never heard any +one talk just like you." + +"Certainly not anything so formidable, and learned as that. I am only a +plain little woman, with no special mission except to make those around +me happy." + +"That is a very beautiful mission, and I am sure you meet with success, +which is not the fate of every one with a career." + +"Ah, if you begin praising me I must leave; but first let me tell you +dinner will be served at six. Mr. Winthrop is a great student, and is +already, for so young a man, a very successful author; and he likes +dinner late so as to have all the longer time for hard work. The evenings +he takes for light reading and rest." + +I must confess I was beginning to get afraid of my guardian. I expected +to find him in manners and appearance something like our school +professors, with a tendency to criticise my slender literary +acquirements. + +However I proceeded with my toilet quite cheerfully, and was rather glad +than sorry that I had found him absent from Oaklands; but after I left my +room and wandered out into the dim, spacious hall and down the long +stairway, the heavy, old-fashioned splendors of the house chilled me. How +could I occupy myself happily through the coming years in this great, +gloomy house? I vaguely wondered, while life stretched out before my +imagination, in long and tiresome perspective. + +With no school duties to occupy my time, my knowledge of amusements, +needlework, or any other of the softer feminine accomplishments, +exceedingly limited, I was suddenly confronted with the problem how I was +to fill up the days and years with any degree of satisfaction. Hitherto +every thought had been strained eagerly towards this home coming. After +that fancy was a blank. Now I had got here, what then? I had been a +fairly industrious pupil and graduated with commendable success; but it +had been a tradition at our school that once away from its confinement, +text-books and the weariness of study were at an end. I went out on the +lawn, and was standing, a trifle homesick for the companionship of the +merry crowd of schoolmates, when a side glance revealed to me an immense +garden, such as I had often seen, but not near enough to sufficiently +enjoy. I soon forgot my lonely fancies as I strayed admiringly through +the well kept walks, amid beds of old-fashioned sweet smelling flowers, +which now-a-days are for the most part relegated to the humble cottages; +but farther on I discovered the rarer plants of many climes, some of them +old acquaintances, but others utter strangers, only so far as I could +remember some of them from my lessons in botany. Still stretching beyond +on the hill side I saw the vegetable and fruit gardens. Huge strawberry +beds attracted me, the ripe fruit I found tempting; but feeling still a +stranger, the old weakness that comes down to us from Mother Eve to reach +forth and pluck, was restrained. "What a perfect Eden it is!" I could not +help exclaiming, though no ears save the birds, and multitudinous insects +existences, were within reach of my voice, and probably for the latter, +any sound I could make would be as unheard by them as the music of the +spheres must be to me until another body, with finer intuitions to catch +such harmonies, shall be provided. Ere the dinner bell rang I found a new +wonderland of beauty reaching away beyond me. To watch from early spring +till winter's icy breath destroyed them, these multiplied varieties of +vegetable life gradually passing through all their beautiful changes of +bud and blossom, and ripened seed or fruit would be a training in some +respects, equalling that of the schools. What higher lessons in botany I +might take, day by day exploring the secrets of plant life! I went back +to the house in a happier mood than I had left it. At the dinner table I +expressed, no doubt with amusing enthusiasm, my gladness at this garden +of delight. + +"You should become a practical botanist, Miss Selwyn. But then your heart +might prove too tender to tear your pets to pieces in order to find out +their secrets." + +"I did not know my heart was specially tender." + +"I only judged so from your sympathy for the Blakes. Only think, mother, +Miss Selwyn was prophesying the time when I should be mourning over a +departed wife." + +"You must not mind Hubert, Miss Selwyn. He is a sad tease, as we all find +to our sorrow. He has not had brothers or sisters since his childhood to +teach him gentleness." + +"Only children are apt to be not very agreeable companions. We had some +unpleasant specimens at school." + +"That is too hard on both of us, Miss Selwyn," he said; "but I must prove +to you that I, at least, am a beautiful exception to the general rule." + +For the first time I looked up at him closely, and was struck with the +handsome merry face. + +"With a very little effort you could make yourself very agreeable, I am +sure," I said, with all seriousness. + +Even Mrs. Flaxman could not conceal her amusement at my remark. + +"It is so refreshing to meet with such a frank young lady," Hubert said, +with downcast eyes. I had a suspicion he was laughing at me. Presently he +glanced at me, when I found the fun in his eyes contagious, and, though +at my own expense, indulged in a hearty laugh. + +"I wish you would tell me when I make myself ridiculous. I do not +understand boys' natures. I scarce remember to have spoken a dozen +consecutive sentences to one in my life. All our Professors were more or +less gray, and they every one wore spectacles." + +"They must been an interesting lot," Hubert said, with a lack of his +usual animation. When I was longer with him I discovered that the open +space in his armor was to be regarded a boy. + +"But, no doubt they were all young and mischievous once. The soberest +horse in Belgium frisked around its mother in its colthood, no doubt." + +"You will see plenty of poor horses in America," Mrs. Flaxman said. +"Faery is by no means a typical horse." + +"Faery's master loves her. That makes a world of difference with the +ownership of other things than horses." + +"Really, Miss Selwyn, you can moralize on every subject, I believe, with +equal ease." + +"He is making fun of me again, I presume," I said, turning to Mrs. +Flaxman. "When I talk a longer time with you English-speaking people, I +shall not be so open to ridicule. Some day, Mr. Hubert, I may meet you in +Germany, and then I shall be able to retaliate." + +"Before that time comes you will be generous enough to return good for +evil." + +"And when shall you get your punishment then?" + +"Maybe never. I find a good many evil-doers get off scot free in this +world." + +"But there are other worlds than this, my son," his mother said, with +such sweet seriousness that our badinage ceased for that evening. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +ESMERELDA. + + +The next morning I was early astir. I was eager to explore the grounds +around Oaklands, as well as the beaches and caves where the waves +penetrated far under the rocks at high tide. The grounds I found very +extensive--in places almost like some of the old English parks which I +had seen on my visits there to distant relatives during the holidays. It +was pleasant to think while wandering under the trees, and over the +splendid wastes of flowers, and ornamental shrubs, and trees, that in +this wide, vast America no one need be defrauded of his portion of mother +earth by this immense flower garden; since there was more than sufficient +land for every anxious toiler. To me there was an exceeding luxury in +this reflection; for often on those lovely Kentish estates where I had +visited, my heart had been grieved by the extremes of wealth and squalor. +Pinched-faced women and children gazing hungrily through park gates at +the flowers, and fountains, and all the beauty within, while they had no +homes worthy the name, and alas! no flowers or fountains to gladden their +beauty hungered hearts. My friends used to smile at my saddened face as +I looked in these other human faces with a pitying sense of sisterhood, +that was strange to them; but they humored my desire to try and gladden +these lives so limited in their happy allotments, by gifts of rare +flowers and choice fruits. But I used to find the old-fashioned flowers, +that the gardeners grumbled least over my plucking, were the most +welcome. + +At luncheon I came in, my hair sea-blown from my visit to the rocks, +and my face finely burnt by the combined influence of wind and sun. I +expressed to Mrs. Flaxman a desire to visit my new acquaintance on the +Mill Road. I noticed a peculiar uplifting of the eyebrows as I glanced +towards Hubert. + +"It will be something entirely new in Mill Road experience to have a +friendly call from one of our Cavendish _élite_." + +"Why, Hubert," his mother remonstrated, "it is not an unusual thing for +our friends to visit the poor and sick on the Mill Road, as well as in +the other humbler districts." + +"Doubtless, but in much the same fashion as Queen Elizabeth used to visit +her subjects--mere royal progresses, more bother than blessing. Miss +Selwyn, I fancy, will go there in a friendly sort of way, that even Dan +will appreciate." + +"Oh, thank you, Hubert; but possibly, if I quite comprehended your +meaning, I should be more provoked than complimented." + +"Well, if I was one of the poor ones I would like your visits best. +I would be willing to dispense with the dignity for sake of the +friendliness that would recognize that I too had a common brotherhood +with the highest as well as the lowest." + +"Ah, I comprehend your meaning now, and I won't get angry with you. I +think I must be a changeling, in spirit probably; there could be no +mistake, I presume, in my physical identity, but my heart always claims +kindred most with the lean, hungry faces." + +"You could soon make my eyes watery, I do believe," Hubert said, with a +gentleness that surprised me. + +I saw Mrs. Flaxman quietly drying her eyes and wondered why my few, +simple words should touch their tear fountain. + +Towards evening I started on my walk to the Mill Road. The gardener had +very graciously allowed me to gather some flowers to take with me. These +I had arranged with some wet mosses I found in the woods that morning; +and begging a nice little basket from the housekeeper, had them very +daintily arranged. When I came downstairs equipped for my walk, I found +a very stylish young lady standing in the hall beside Mrs. Flaxman. + +"Esmerelda will show you the way. I scarcely feel equal for such a walk +this hot day, and I know you will kindly excuse me." + +"Oh certainly; it would trouble me to have you walk any distance when you +look so frail." + +"I am not frail, dear; but I have got into an idle habit of taking my +outings in the carriage; and so walking soon tires me." + +I turned towards the young lady, who in a very graceful, dignified way +seemed to be awaiting my pleasure. I could not believe she was a servant, +and felt quite shabby when I compared my own costume with hers. + +When we were walking down the avenue I ventured a remark or two on the +beauty of the place; but she answered me with such proud reserve I +suddenly relapsed into silence which remained unbroken until we reached +Mrs. Blake's door. While I stood knocking at the front door Esmerelda +slipped around to the back of the cottage where a rough, board porch +served as entrance for every day occasions. Mrs. Blake met me with +genuine cordiality, and then led me into a close smelling room. The floor +was covered with a cheap carpet, a few common chairs, a very much worn +horse-hair sofa, and a table covered with a very new, and very +gay-looking cloth, comprised the furnishing, with the exception of walls +decorated with cheap chromos in the most wonderful frames I ever +saw,--some of them made of shells, some of leather, some of moss, and +others simply covered, with bright pieces of chintz. I longed to arrange +them in more orderly fashion. They were hanging crooked or too close +together, not one of them in a proper way I decided, as I took a swift +survey of the room. But presently my gaze was arrested, and all thought +of pictures hung awry ceased; for there, in a darkened corner of the +room, I traced the rigid outlines of a human figure concealed beneath a +sheet. + +"You brought these to put round the corpse?" Mrs. Blake questioned, +suddenly bringing me back from my startled reverie. + +"Yes, if you would care for them." + +She lifted them out of the basket with a tenderness that surprised me, +and placed them in water; she sat looking at them intently. + +"Do you admire flowers?" I asked. + +"Oh, yes; but they're useless things, I s'pose. No good once they're +wilted." + +"But they are perfect while they last." + +"Yes, and I allus feels sorry for the poor things, when I see 'em put +round a corpse and buried in the ground; may be they have more feeling +than we allow for." + +She spoke so sadly, I felt my eyes moisten; but whether it was out of +pity for the flowers, the poor dead woman lying opposite, or my friend +Mrs. Blake, who seemed strangely subdued, I could not tell. + +"She was gone when I got here," she said, nodding her head at the corpse. +"Dan'el's terrible cut up; it minds me so of the time we lost our first +baby. I had to do everything then and I've got to do the same now." + +"I presume she was a very good wife." + +"I don't know. Men generally frets hardest after the uselessest ones. I +s'pose it's because they're easy-going and good-natured; but laws, I +mustn't be hard. Mother-in-laws don't see with their children's eyes. I +often think, in some ways, 'twould be best for one generation to die off +afore the next takes their place. It's a mercy we don't live like they +did in the first of Bible times. For poor women folk's life ain't much +after fifty any way, specially if they're depending on their children. +Hard work, shoved in a corner, and the bite you eat begrudged you." + +"Surely you don't speak from experience," I gasped, quite horrified. + +"Me? Oh, no. I've managed better'n most in my way of life. I help, +instead of getting help. But I'm not thinking of myself all the time. +I see other women's hardships, and pity 'em too." + +She turned the conversation abruptly by asking: + +"Would you like to see the corpse?" + +I certainly wished to see almost anything on earth rather than that; but, +lest I should be offending the proprieties, I followed her and stood +beside the still, outstretched form. She turned down the sheet when, for +an instant, my head swam; and then I shut firmly my eyes and stood until +I concluded the ghastly spectacle was hidden behind the sheet. Mrs. +Blake's voice caused me to open my eyes with a start. + +"Be you faint?" + +I crossed the room directly, and sat down before I replied. + +"Certainly not; but the sight was a painful one." + +"I know there's a sight of difference in corpses. Perfessors of religion +make the peacefullest." + +"Was she not one?" + +"Well, no; and she was took so bad she hadn't time to perfess. Beside +Dan'el tells me she suffered uncommon till the very last breath, that +makes her look more distressin' than she would." + +"Is he a professor?" + +"No, my family didn't seem to lean that way. But my! they was a sight +better'n some that did let on they was very good." + +"He will become a Christian now, surely." + +"Tain't likely. One soon forgets the feelins death leaves, and then we +all look for a quiet spell afore we die." I felt as if skeleton fingers +were clutching at my vitals; and altogether terrified I rose to go. + +"The funeral will be to-morrow at two o'clock; perhaps you wouldn't mind +coming?" + +"If you would like me to attend, I will do so." + +"I don't know why it is, but seems to me it would be a comfort to have +you. Quality always could touch my heart better'n my own kind." + +"You may be reckoned among that class in the next world." + +She stood in the doorway, her eyes turned wistfully towards the setting +sun. "I hain't thought much about that world. I know it's a mistake to +live as I've done." + +I wished so much I could recommend her to a better way of life; but +remembering that I too was living only for this world, I could say +nothing. + +Pressing her hand gently I turned to leave, when I saw Esmerelda coming +out of the door after me. + +The rigid form I had looked at and Mrs. Blake's words had softened my +heart; so I tried once more to chat pleasantly with my escort; but +probably she had not got the same lesson as I, for she put on as many +airs as before. When I met Mrs. Flaxman I inquired what Esmerelda's +position was in the household. To my astonishment she said: + +"She is the chambermaid." + +"But is she a lady?" + +"Every one that can dress becomingly claims that title with us; I presume +Esmerelda with the rest." + +"But her mother?" I left the sentence unfinished. + +"Lives on Mill Road and takes in washing." + +"Don't you think it is wiser to keep servants in their proper place as +they do in Europe? One is not in danger there of mistaking maid for +mistress." + +"Ah, that is a problem for wiser heads than ours to solve. Each system +has its grievances; if human nature had not suffered so severely from +the original transgression I should favor the American plan." + +"But it has fallen, and requires generations of training to fit one for +such assumption of dignity." + +"Even so, we come on debatable ground. Where do you find longer lines of +trained generations than in those Royal families that cost you so much +to support, and what do many of them amount to? How many of them would it +take to make one Lincoln? He was a peasant's son, as they reckon rank." + +"But there are not many Lincolns; and I fear we can find a good many +Esmereldas." + +"She is a very good chambermaid. What fault do you find with her?" + +I smiled, though utterly discomfited. + +"A fault one cannot easily forgive. She impresses me with her own +superiority, especially in the matter of dress." + +"Yes, our shop and servant girls are usually good artists in the matter +of personal attire; but I usually find the really clever ones are the +poorest dressers." + +"Is not that the case with others than they? Persons who have more +enduring objects of contemplation than personal attire do not bestow +enough time on how they shall robe themselves to excel in dressing +artistically." + +"I know that; but since Eve's fig-leaf invention the matter of dress has +been an absorbing one for nearly every generation." + +"In the main; but there have been beautiful exceptions all down the long +stream of the ages. I met some literary women the last time I was +visiting in England, and their minds seemed so far superior to their +bodies, or the clothes they wore, that ever since I have been ashamed of +myself when I get particularly interested in what I am to wear." + +"You are young, my child, to begin to philosophize on the matter of +clothes. You have read Sartor Resartus?" + +"Oh, yes, and I want to be something better than a mere biped without +feathers." + +"To want is the first step toward the accomplishment. I think you will +suit Mr. Winthrop after he gets to know you, if ever he does," she added, +after a pause. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +THE FUNERAL. + + +The next morning I went in search of Mrs. Flaxman. I found her busy +superintending, along with the housekeeper, some extensive pickling and +preserving operations. I hesitated at first in making my request; I +wanted her to accompany me to the funeral. + +"I promised Mrs. Blake to go to her daughter's funeral to-day, and I +should so much like to have you go with me," I said. + +"If you would like my company, your liking shall be gratified, my dear." + +"But you looked tired, and it is such a hot day." + +"I shall want folk to come and get me safely planted away some day, and +we can take the carriage. Thomas will be glad to go; at least he always +wants to attend funerals. Such persons usually are fond of the mild +excitement attendant on such gatherings." + +I went in search of Thomas, who was with coachman and gardener, having a +lad to assist him in both occupations. He assured me that work was very +pressing, and it would be at considerable personal sacrifice if he went. +The stable boy, a red-haired, keen-faced youth standing by, gave a +quizzical look, which I interpreted as meaning that Thomas wished to +conceal the fact that he was very glad indeed to go to Mrs. Daniel +Blake's funeral. At the appointed hour I found myself in a carriage drawn +by a pair of horses fully as handsome, but much more sedate than Faery. +"Why, this is positively luxurious," I exclaimed, leaning back in the +very comfortable carriage. Mrs. Flaxman smiled serenely. + +"My dear, it is a luxury you may every day enjoy. I am not inclined for +carriage exercise--a walk has greater charm for me save when I am tired." + +"If you had walked all your life--only enjoying a carriage at brief +intervals during the holidays, you would enjoy this drive, I am sure." + +"Your life is not a very long affair, my child. At your age, no doubt, I +thought as you now do. I believe God intended that youth and age should +see this world through different eyes." + +Mrs. Flaxman, I was finding, had a way of setting me thinking about +serious things, and yet the thoughts were mainly pleasant ones. She was +different from any one I ever knew. I found her presence so restful. I +had the impression that some time in her life she had encountered storms, +but the mastery had been gained; and now she had drifted into a peaceful +harbor. Looking back now over longer stretches of years and experiences +than I then had, I can recall a few other persons who impressed me in a +similar fashion. But they were rare and beautiful exceptions to the +scores, and even hundreds of average human folk whom I have known. + +After we had driven some distance, Thomas turned to inquire if we were +going to the grave. + +"It is a shady drive good part of the way; trees on one side and the +water's edge bordering the other. Perhaps we might as well go." + +"They'd take it very kind of you, ma'am, I am sure," Thomas responded, +although her remarks were addressed to me. Evidently he was very +willing to exercise the horses, notwithstanding his press of work. + +We sat in the carriage at the door of Daniel's cottage. The house seemed +full, and quite a crowd were standing outside. + +"They have shown the poor thing a good deal of respect," Mrs. Flaxman +whispered to me as she glanced at the numerous assemblage. + +Suddenly, on the hush that seemed to enfold everything, there broke +weird, discordant singing--women's voices sounding high and piercing, the +men's deeper and more melodious. The hymn they sang was long, and the air +very plaintive, bringing tears to my eyes, and causing the strange, +oppressed feeling of the preceding day to return. When the singing ceased +I noticed the men removing their hats, and a moment after a stentorian +voice speaking loudly. I glanced around amazed, but Mrs. Flaxman noticing +my surprise, whispered, "It is prayer." + +If the singing made me nervous the prayer intensified the feeling. In the +hot, midsummer air, so still the leaves scarce rippled on the trees, I +could, after a few seconds, distinguish every word the man uttered. +Accustomed to the decorous prayer of the German pastors our teachers +had taken us to hear, this impetuous prayer to the Deity awed me. He +talked with the invisible Jehovah as if they two were long tried friends, +between whom there was such perfect trust; whatever the man asked the God +would bestow. First there was intercession, pleading for forgiveness for +past offences, and for restraining grace for future needs. Afterward he +spoke of Death, the common inheritance of each of us, and the pain his +entrance had caused in this home, and then followed thanksgiving that +through Christ we could conquer even Death himself. I shall never forget +the triumphant ring in that man's voice as he passed on to the joy of +those who, trampling on Death, have passed safely within the light of +God. + +"If one of the old masters had heard that man's prayer to-day, he would +have set it to some grand music. It reminds me of a _Te Deum_ or +oratoria," I said to Mrs. Flaxman, when the benediction was pronounced. +The tears were in her eyes, but her face was shining as if some inner +light were irradiating it. + +"Did you ever hear so impetuous a prayer?" I asked. + +She answered my question by asking another: + +"Did you not like it?" + +"I think it frightened me. The clergyman seemed to be talking to some one +right beside him." + +"Is not all prayer that--talking, pleading with a God nigh at hand?" + +I did not reply. My eyes were fastened on the crowd now issuing from the +cottage door; the coffin, carried by men, came first, the people pressing +hurriedly after--among them one whom I instinctively felt to be the +clergyman--a thick-set man with hair turning white, and a most noble, +benignant face. As the procession formed he took his place at the head; +Daniel and his mother climbing into a wagon directly behind the hearse; +the former looked utterly broken down, as if the light of his eyes had +verily been quenched. + +The procession then moved slowly along, and in a short time we turned out +of the Mill Road, and into a beautiful shady street along the water's +edge. I watched the sunlight on the shimmering waters, and far across, +where one of the wooded headlands looked down into the sea, the green +trees made such a picture on the water that, in watching this perfect bit +of landscape, I found myself forgetting the solemn occasion, and the +sorrowing heart of the solitary mourner, while I planned to come there +the very next day with my sketch book, and secure this gem to send to my +favorite teacher as a specimen of my new surroundings. And then fancy got +painting her own pictures as to what my work in this new life with its +greatly altered meaning should be, and before we had reached the grave's +edge I had mapped out my ongoings for a long stretch of the future, and +that in such eager, worldly fashion that I almost forgot that at the end +of all this bright-hued future there lay for me, as well as for Daniel +Blake's wife, an open grave. My busy thoughts were recalled by hearing +the penetrating voice of the preacher saying "dust to dust, ashes to +ashes," with the remainder of the beautiful formula used by many of the +churches in planting the human germ. A glance around revealed Daniel +Blake leaning in the very abandonment of grief on a tombstone at the +grave's side, and looking down into the coffin that was rapidly +disappearing under the shovelfuls of clay. A keen sense of my own +heartlessness in feeling so happy within touch of such woe came over me, +while a vague wonder seized me, if some other careless-hearted creatures +might not be planning their joys some day in presence of my breaking +heart. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +A NEW ACCOMPLISHMENT LEARNED. + + +I was rapidly attaining the comfortable home feeling at Oaklands, which +makes life in castle or hut a rapture. There were so many sources of +enjoyment open to me. I had a more than usual love for painting, and +had for years prosecuted the art more from love than duty. My last +teacher, an old German Professor, exacting and very thorough, had been as +particular with my instruction as if my bread depended on my proficiency. +I thanked him now in my heart when I found myself shut out from other +opportunities for improvement than what, unaided, I could secure. There +were special bits of landscape I loved to sketch over and over again; +these I would take to Mrs. Flaxman, or Reynolds, the housekeeper, to see +if they could recognize the original of my drawing; but even Samuel, the +stable-boy, could name the spot at sight. His joy was unbounded, but +scarcely excelled my own when I succeeded in making a water-color sketch +of himself, the hair a shade or two less flame-colored than was natural, +and which even Hubert pronounced a very fair likeness. Then in the large, +stately drawing-room, some of whose furnishing dated back a century or +more, stood a fine, grand piano. Here I studied over again my school +lessons, or tried new ventures from some of the masters. What dreams I +had in that dim room in the pauses of my music; peopling that place again +with the vanished ones who had loved and suffered there my own dead +parents among the rest, whose faces looked down at me, I thought +tenderly, from the walls where their portraits hung in heavy carved +frames, of a fashion a generation old. There was about my mother's face a +haunting expression, as of a well known face which long afterward looked +out at me one day from my own reflection in the mirror and then, to my +joy, I discovered I was like her in feature and expression. In the +library too, whose key Mr. Winthrop had left with Mrs. Flaxman for my +use, I found an unexplored wonderland. My literature had chiefly +consisted of the text book variety, and if I had possessed wider range, +my time was so fully occupied with lessons I could not have availed +myself of the privilege; but now, with what relish I went from shelf to +shelf, dipping into a book here and another there, taking by turns +poetry, history, fiction, and biography, Shakespeare and Milton had so +often perplexed me in Grammar and analysis, that I left them for the most +part severely alone; but there were others, fresh and new to me as a June +morning, and quite as refreshing: Hubert used sometimes to join me, but +we generally disagreed. I had little patience with his practical +criticisms of my choicest readings, while he assured me my enthusiasm +over my favorite authors was a clear waste of sentiment. Mrs. Flaxman +was, in addition to all this, adding to my fund of knowledge the very +useful one of needlework, and was getting me interested not only in the +mysteries of plain sewing, but brought some of her carefully hoarded +tapestries for me to imitate--beautiful Scriptural scenes that sent me to +the Bible with a critical interest to see if the designs were in harmony +with its spirit. Then too I used to spend happy hours exploring garden, +field and forest, for Oaklands embraced a wide area, making acquaintance +with the gentle Alderneys, and Jerseys, who brought us so generously +their daily offering, as well as the many other meek, dumb creatures whom +I was getting to care for with a quite human interest. The seashore too +had its constantly renewed fascinations which drew me there, to watch its +tireless ebb and flow, or the busy craft disappearing out of sight +towards their many havens around the earth. Stories I had for the +seashore, and others for the woodland and gardens which I carried on in +long chapters, day after day, until sorrowfully I came to the end, as we +must always do to everything in this world. + +My heroes and heroines were all singularly busy people, carrying on their +loves and intrigues amid restless activities, and living in the main to +help others in the way of life rather than, like myself, living to +themselves alone. Altogether I did not find a moment of my sixteen hours +of working life each day any too long, and opened my eyes on each +morning's light as if it were a fresh creation. + +Then, in addition to all these, there were solemn, stately tea drinkings +among the upper ten of Cavendish society, but usually I found them a +task--the music was poor, the conversation almost wholly confined to +local affairs, and the only refection of a first-class nature was the +food provided. Cavendish ladies were notable housewives, and could +converse eloquently on pickling, preserving, baking and the many details +of domestic economy, while as regarded the fashions, I verily believe +they could have enlightened Worth himself on some important particulars. +I used to feel sadly out of place, and sat very often silent and +constrained, thinking of my dearer, and more satisfying companionships of +books, and sea, and flowers, and the fair face of nature generally, and +wondering if I could ever get, like them, absorbed in such humble things, +getting for instance my pickles nicely greened, and of a proper degree of +crispness, and my preserves, and jellies prepared with equal perfection +for diseased and fastidious palates. "Why can't they talk of their minds, +and the food these must relish, and assimilate, instead of all the time +being devoted to the body; how it must be fed and clothed?" I asked, with +perhaps too evident contempt, of Mrs. Flaxman, one evening as we drove +home under the midnight stars, after one of these entertainments. + +"My child, it is natural that people should talk on subjects that most +interest them. Not every one has vision clear enough to penetrate beyond +the tangible and visible." + +"Then, in what are the Cavendish aristocracy better than Mrs. Blake, and +that class? Even she talks sometimes to me about God and the soul. She +says she and Daniel think a great deal about these of late." + +"God only knows; they may be far better in His sight than any of us," +Mrs. Flaxman said, wearily. + +"Not any better than you, dear friend," I said, clasping the little, thin +hand in mine. + +"Yes, better, if they are doing more for others than I, sacrificing their +own ease and pleasure, which, alas, I am not doing." + +"How can you say that, when you are making home, and me so happy? I want +to grow to be just such a woman as you." + +"Alas, child, you must take a higher ideal than I am to pattern after, if +your life is to be a success." + +"Mrs. Blake tells me of a good man living on the Mill Road, who is blind +and thinks a great deal. He says none of us can tell what our lives seem +like to the angels, and that many a one will get an overwhelming surprise +after death; some who think they are no good in the world, mere cumberers +of the ground, will find such blessed surprises as they wander through +the Heavenly places." + +"That is very comforting, dear, if we could only hope to be among those +meek ones." + +"He told Mrs. Blake she might be one of God's blessed ones if she +wished--that any sincere soul was welcomed by Him." + +"Surely you did not need to go to Mrs. Blake to learn that?" + +I was silent, perhaps ashamed for Mrs. Flaxman to know how very dense my +ignorance was respecting these mysteries of our holy religion. As the +weeks went by my friendship for Mrs. Blake strengthened. I kept her +little cottage brightened with the old-fashioned blossoms that she loved +best. "They mind me so of when I was a child, and the whole world seemed +in summer time like a great garden. We lived deep in the country, just a +little strip of ground brought in from the woods, and all round our +little log house was the green trees," she said one day, the pleasant +reflective look that I liked to see coming into her kind, strong face. I +used to sit and listen to her homely, uncultivated speech, and wonder why +I liked her so much better than my natural associates. She was so real, I +could not imagine her trying to appear other than she was. Some way she +seemed to take me back to elementary things, like the memories of +childhood or the reading of the Book of Genesis. Then she had so changed +Daniel's cottage--newly papered, whitewashed and thoroughly cleansed with +soap and water, it seemed one of the cosiest, homeliest places I ever +saw. I only went in the afternoons, and her housework then was always +done; but she was never idle. I used to watch her knitting stockings of +all sizes with silent curiosity; but one day I asked who a tiny pair of +scarlet ones was for. "Mrs. Larkum's baby. The poor things are in +desperate trouble," she replied. + +"But do you knit for other folks?" + +"Yes, fur some. Them I jest finished is fur one of the Chisties' down the +lane. Any size from one to ten fits there." + +"Are they able to pay you?" I ventured to inquire. + +"I don't ginerally knit for folks as can pay. It's a pity for little feet +to go bare because the mother was thriftless or overworked." + +I watched the busy fingers a little sadly, comparing them with my own +daintily gloved hands, that had never done anything more useful than to +hold a text book, or sketch, or practice on the ivory keys, while those +other hands often tired, calloused with hard usage, had been working +unselfishly through the years for others. + +"I wish you would teach me to knit," I said one day, seized with a sudden +inspiration. + +"'Twould be a waste of your time. Folks like you don't wear home-knit +stockings." + +"Oh, yes they do. Pretty silken hose is quite the fashion; but I hire +mine knitted." + +"Then what makes you want to learn?" + +"Do you not think it is my duty to work for the poor, and helpless as +well as yours?" + +"I won't allow but what it is; but laws! rich folk can't pity the poor, +no more'n a person that's never been sick, or had the tooth-ache, can +pity one who has." + +"The stockings would be just as warm, though, as if I knew all about +their sorrows." + +"I reckon they'd feel better on some feet if they know'd your white hands +knit 'em." + +"If there would be any added pleasure to the warmth of the socks then you +will surely teach me." + +"I'll be proud to do it; but child, I'm afeard you are making me think +too much of you. Byem-bye when you get interested in other things, you +won't care to set in my kitchen, and listen to an old-fashioned body like +me, droning away like a bee in a bottle." + +"Do you think it is necessary to trouble about something that may never +come to pass? I think I shall always enjoy hearing you talk. Listening +to you seems like watching the old-fashioned flowers nodding their heads +in the drowsy summer air. I like the rare flowers, too, with long names +and aristocratic faces; but I don't think I shall ever like them so well +as to forget the happy fancies their humble relations bring." + +"Thank you, dearie. I guess you'll allays keep a warm place in your heart +for the old-fashioned folks as well as the posies." + +"Now that we have that matter settled, suppose I begin the knitting," +I said, without any further attempt at convincing Mrs. Blake of my +unalterable regard. + +She got me the yarn and needles and I straightway proceeded to master +another of the domestic sciences. I was soon able to turn the seam, and +knit plain; but was forced to stop very often to admire my own +handicraft. However, I got on so readily that she allowed I could +undertake a child's sock. I wanted it to look pretty as well as to be +comfortable, and not fancying Mrs. Blake's homespun yarn, I started out +to the store to get some better suited to my liking. + +When I returned, Mrs. Blake exclaimed at the size of my bundle, assuring +me that it would supply me with work for months. + +"I'm surprised you wan't ashamed to carry such a big parcel," she said +admiringly. + +"It did not occur to me to be ashamed." + +"One never knows who they may meet though." + +"It was nothing to be ashamed of." + +"I s'pose not; but quality has such queer notions." + +"I do not wish to be quality if that is the case; I want to be a sensible +woman, and a useful one," I said, as I proceeded to wind my yarn from +Mrs. Blake's outstretched arms. In a short time I had the pleasure of +seeing a pretty little sock evolving itself out of the long strand of +yarn. Mrs. Blake finding me anxious to be helpful to her poor neighbors, +began unfolding histories from time to time, as I sat in her tidy +kitchen, that to me seemed to rise to the dignity of tragedies. Sometimes +I begged to accompany her to these sorrowful homes. The patience under +overwhelming sorrow that I saw at times, gave me new glimpses into the +possibilities of human endurance, and my sympathies were so wrought upon, +I set about trying to earn money myself to help alleviate their wants, +while a new field of work stretched out before me in bewildering +perspective; and sometimes I wished I too had a hundred hands, like a +second Briareus, that I might manufacture garments for half-clad women +and children. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +MR. WINTHROP. + + +That evening, my first knitting lesson ended, on returning to Oaklands a +surprise awaited me. As I was walking briskly up the avenue towards the +house I met Hubert with Faery coming to bring me home. + +"Mr. Winthrop has come, and is inquiring very particularly where you are +in hiding, and I believe my poor mother is afraid of telling him an +untruth, for she hurried me off very unceremoniously after you," Hubert +said, as he reined up Faery for a moment's conversation. + +"You need have no fears for her; she would go to the stake rather than +tell a lie." + +"Or betray a friend," Hubert said, with a meaning smile. "Remember Mr. +Winthrop is very fastidious about his associates. Your friend Mrs. Blake, +in his eyes, has only a bare right to exist; to presume on his +friendship, or that of his ward, would be an unpardonable sin." + +"I must hasten to your mother's relief," I said, with a little scoffing +laugh. I paid very little heed just then to Hubert's remarks--later I +found he had not greatly overstated my guardian's exclusiveness. Wishing +to gain my room and make some additions to my toilet before meeting Mr. +Winthrop, I chose a side entrance, taking a circuitous path through the +shrubbery, if possible to reach the house unseen. + +The door opened into a conservatory, and I had just slipped in stealthily +when I found myself face to face with a gentleman whom I knew on the +instant was my guardian. There was such an air of proprietorship about +him, as he stood calmly surveying nature's beautiful products in leaf and +bud and blossom. He glanced down at me--possibly taking me at first for +one of the maids--then looking more keenly he bowed rather distantly. I +returned the salutation quite as coldly, and was making good my flight +when his voice arrested my steps. "Pardon me," he said, in a finely +modulated and very musical voice, "is this not Miss Selwyn?" I turned and +bowing said, "My guardian, I think." + +"I am glad we were able to recognize each other." I looked into his face. +The smile was very winning that greeted me, otherwise I thought the face, +though handsome, and unusually noble looking, was cold, and a trifle hard +in expression. + +"I am glad to welcome you to Oaklands, though late in being able to do +so. I hope you have not found it too dull?" + +"Oh no, indeed--there is so much to interest one here after city life, I +am glad at each new day that comes." + +He looked surprised at my remark, and instantly I bethought myself of the +character for fastidiousness which Hubert had given him, and resolved to +be less impulsive in expressing my feelings. + +"You must make society for yourself then in other than the human element. +I cannot think any one could rejoice, on waking in the morning, merely to +renew intercourse with our Cavendish neighbors." + +I looked up eagerly--"Then you don't care for them, either?" + +"Ah, I see it is not from your own species you draw satisfaction." + +"But you have not answered my question." + +There was a gleam of humor swept over the face I was already finding so +hard to read. + +"I am not well enough versed in Cavendish society to give a just +opinion--probably you have already drank more cups of tea with your +friends than I have done in ten years. Let me hear your verdict." + +"Our Deportment Professor assured us it was exceedingly bad form to +discuss one's acquaintance--you will please excuse me." + +I was already getting afraid of my guardian. But, from childhood, there +was a spice of fearlessness in my composition that manifested itself even +when I was most frightened. Again I glanced into his face--he was +regarding me with a peculiar intentness, as if I were some new plant +brought into the conservatory from an unknown region, and he was trying +to classify me. I could see no trace of warm, human interest in his gaze. + +"That was a rather mutinous remark to bestow so soon upon your guardian," +he said, in the same even voice. + +"I am very sorry," I murmured, now thoroughly ashamed of myself. + +"We will make a truce not again to discuss our acquaintances; but that +interesting subject eliminated from conversation, there would be a dearth +left with a goodly number of our species." + +"I do not care for the tea parties here, Mr. Winthrop. I am not +interested in the things they talk about." I said, with a sudden burst of +confidence. + +"You have broken our compact already. A woman cannot hold to a bargain, I +am informed." + +"I had not promised," I said, proudly. + +"Then I am to infer you are an exception, and would hold to your +promises, no matter how binding." + +"I am the daughter of a man; possibly I may have inherited some noble, +manly properties." My temper was getting ruffled. + +"Yes, Nature plays some curious freaks occasionally," he said in a +reflective way, as if we were discussing some scientific subject. + +"You will please excuse me. Dinner will be announced shortly, and I must +remove my wraps," I said, very politely. + +He bowed, and I gladly escaped to my own room, feeling more startled than +pleased at my first interview with Mr. Winthrop. + +The dinner bell rang, and I hastened down to be in my place at the table +before Mr. Winthrop entered. I opened the door of the pretty breakfast +parlor where dinner had been served ever since I came to Oaklands, but +the room was silent and empty. + +I turned, not very gladly to the great dining-room, which I had somehow +fancied was only used on rare occasions. Opening the door I saw the table +shining with silver and glass, while Mrs. Flaxman stood surveying the +arrangements with an anxious face. "Shall we always dine here?" I asked +anxiously. + +"Always when Mr. Winthrop is at home; our informal dinners in the cosy +breakfast-room are a thing of the past." + +"But this seems so formal and grand I shall never enjoy your delicious +dishes any more, with Hubert adding to their piquancy with his sarcasms, +and witticisms." + +"Oh, yes, dear, you will; one gets used to everything in this world, even +to planning every day for several courses at dinner," she said with a +sigh. + +"I wonder why it is necessary to go to so much trouble just for something +to eat, when it's all over in a half hour or so, and not any more +nutritious than food plainly prepared?" + +"The Winthrops have always maintained a well-equipped table. Our Mr. +Winthrop would look amazed if we set him down to one of our informal +dinners." + +"I think he would enjoy them if he once tried them," I said, as I slipped +into the place Mrs. Flaxman appointed. A few seconds after Mr. Winthrop +entered, followed immediately by Hubert who was quite metamorphosed from +the gay, scoffing youth into a steady-paced young man. As the dinner +progressed I no doubt looked my surprise at the change; but a meaning +glance at Mr. Winthrop was Hubert's mute reply. + +While Mr. Winthrop's attention was taken up with his dinner, I took the +opportunity of studying more closely this man to whom my dead father had +committed so completely the interests and belongings of his only child. +The scrutiny was, in some respects, not greatly reassuring. I had noticed +as we stood near each other in the conservatory that he was a large man, +tall, broad-shouldered and muscular. The face, though handsome, had a +cold, stern look that I felt could look at me pitilessly if I incurred +his displeasure. But there was also an expression of high, intellectual +power; an absorbed, self-contained look that seemed to set him apart from +others as one who could live independently, if necessary, of the society +of his fellow men. I should like to be his friend, was my thought, as +finding that Hubert was watching me, I turned my attention to my +neglected dinner. Mrs. Flaxman in her gentle fashion kept the +conversation from utterly flagging, although we none of us gave her much +help. Unasked she gave a pleasant account of the happenings at Oaklands, +the ongoings of his human and dumb dependents; how the Alderneys at her +suggestion had been transferred to richer pasturage, and the consequent +increase in cream; the immense crop of fruit and vegetables, so much more +than they could possibly require, and would it be best to sell the +overplus? + +"Why not give it to the poor?" I said, eagerly. + +"Would that pay, do you think?" Mr. Winthrop inquired, giving me at the +same time a curiously intent look. + +"The poor would thank you." + +"How do you know there are any?" + +"I have met a good many myself. I dare say there are others I know +nothing about." + +He turned a keen look at Mrs. Flaxman; I saw her face flush; probably he +noticed it as well as I. Then he said, quite gravely:-- + +"You shall have all the surplus for your needy acquaintances; only +you must superintend the distribution. I firmly believe in giving +philanthropists their share of the labor." + +The color flamed into my face, I could hardly repress the retort:--"Why +do you spoil the grace of your gift so ungraciously?" but I left the +words unsaid until he left the room, when I relieved my feelings much to +Hubert's amusement, who brightened greatly once the door was closed upon +him and we were alone. + +"I could like that man better than any one I know if he hadn't such a +beastly way of conferring favors. Once I get earning money I shall pay +him every cent that I have cost him," Hubert said vindictively. + +"Including Faery and the choice cigars?" his mother asked, with a sad +little smile. + +Hubert flushed. "What are they to one of his means?" + +"But if you pay him some day it will take you so much longer to pay for +them," I said, surprised he had not remembered this. + +"I can't part with Faery. Youth is such a beggarly short affair, if one +can't have pleasure then, when will they get it?" + +"I should think it was high-priced pleasure if I had to take it on those +terms." + +"You have no idea what prices men are willing to pay for what they +desire. Faery even with my means would seem a mere bagatelle to most +young fellows of my set." + +"I would really like to know what your means are," his mother said, +playfully. + +"Principally my profession, when I get it; capital health, and a world +full of work to be done by some one. I shall stand as good a chance as +any one to get my share of the world's rewards for good work +accomplished." + +"Bravo, Mr. Hubert. I only wish I was a boy so I might go to work too," +I cried. + +"Hush, the master will hear you. I told you he was fastidious about +ladies' deportment. Even the housemaids and cook catch the infection. +I certainly pity his poor ward." + +"Please do not waste pity on me; if Mr. Winthrop is not nice, I shall go +to Boston or New York and teach German in some boarding-school." + +A low, long whistle was his only reply. + +"Hubert, have you forgotten yourself? Mr. Winthrop will think we have got +demoralized." + +"Forgive me, mother mine, but Miss Selwyn astounded me. Fancy her working +for her bread." + +"And liberty," I said, merrily. + +"You have got an instalment of that already, permission to dispense the +fruit and vegetables. The work has been given as a punishment for making +acquaintance with common people." + +"That will be a pleasure; see what I am already doing for some of them." +I took my forgotten knitting work from my pocket. + +"I deeply regret I must so soon leave Oaklands. I really think you will +make things livelier here than they have been since Mr. Winthrop was a +lad. Just for one moment, mother, try to imagine his disgust when he +finds his high-bred ward knitting socks for Dan Blake's little monkeys." + +"Dan Blake has no children, Hubert," his mother said, gravely; "and I +am not going to trouble myself about what may never happen. It is not +necessary for Mr. Winthrop to know how his ward spends her spare time and +pocket money." + +"But he would as soon think of exchanging civilities with his own dumb +animals as with those folk on the Mill Road; and, yet, right under his +nose these little arrangements getting manufactured! It is carrying the +war into the enemy's camp with a vengeance." + +"Is that a specimen of your college conversation, Hubert? If so, you +might better remain at Oaklands." + +"Surely, mother; you don't expect us to talk like a sewing society or +select gathering of maiden ladies," Hubert said with some disgust. "Fancy +a lot of young fellows picking and choosing their words as if they were a +company of prigs." + +"If every word we utter continues to vibrate in the air until the final +wreck of matter, as some scientists suppose, surely we can't be too +careful of our words, my son." + +"If we believe all the nonsense those chaps who are continually meddling +with nature's secrets tell us, we should sit with shut lips and folded +hands lest we would destroy the equilibrium of the universe, or our own +destiny. There is any quantity of bosh let loose on poor, long-suffering +humanity, and labeled Science." + +"That comes with bad grace from an embryo scholar. If I were you I would +throw education 'to the dogs' and take things on trust like Thomas, or +the Mill Road people," I said, jestingly. + +"I want to know for myself; and so not get cheated by every crank who +airs his theories." + +"But, Hubert, to come back to the original dispute, if the atmosphere +does not hold our every foolish or necessary word, they are permanently +recorded in another place by a pen that never writes falsely, or misses +a single sentence. How many pages have you got written there, I wonder, +that if it were possible you would gladly obliterate with your heart's +blood one day." + +"Mother, you are worse than the scientists; at least more terrifying. Do +you know, Miss Selwyn, when I was a little chap she had me persuaded to +be a missionary to Greenland, or the South Pole. I had made up my mind to +choose the very worst possible place, so as to have all the greater +reward." + +"What has changed your mind?" + +"Natural development, I expect. Mother is a very sweet and gentle woman, +but I am sorry to say she is a crank, if there was ever one." + +"Why, Hubert, you amaze me," I said, smiling. "I thought she was as near +perfection as any one I ever knew. Excuse me expressing myself so +openly," I said, bowing to Mrs. Flaxman; "but won't you tell me what her +tendency to insanity is; for I believe cranks are a species of madmen, if +I rightly understand what the word implies." + +"Over religiosity. Why, really, she used to make me long for martyrdom +when I was a child." + +"I did not think a person could so soon outgrow early piety," I said, +dryly. + +Hubert colored and said very little more about his mother's early lessons +after that to me; but I could see that his strange indifference +respecting those subjects she held as most important of anything within +reach of humanity pained her deeply. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +EXAMINATION. + + +Directly Mr. Winthrop had attended to matters at once claiming his +attention on his return, he began to investigate my daily avocations. I +showed him the work already accomplished, so far as it could be seen--the +knitting certainly excepted. My sketches in water colors and oils I +brought out rather timidly for his inspection. Mrs. Flaxman had told me +how severe he was in his criticisms on careless work, and possibly all +through my painting the thought what he might say of what I was doing had +a strong influence on the quality of my work. In some respects, no doubt, +it helped me to paint more carefully and copy more closely from nature; +but, on the other hand, imagination and freedom were restrained; and it +is possible I might have better satisfied him with what I had +accomplished if I had never once thought about his opinion as I worked. +As I carried them into the library that bright early autumn morning, I +felt a shrinking at submitting my pictures, in their imperfection, to +unsympathetic eyes, much as a mother might feel at bringing a deformed +child to a baby show; but I had also a measure of satisfaction, since I +could prove to my guardian that I had not been idle, when I spread before +him copies, more or less defective, of views from his own grounds. The +servants had watched them grow under my pencil and brush with an interest +almost equalling my own; and it was amusing the eagerness which even +Thomas evinced to be painted into a picture, spoiling it very much, to my +mind, by insisting on having on his Sunday clothes. + +Mr. Winthrop glanced at them with some surprise as he saw the goodly +heap; then he said: "I will only look to-day at what you have done since +coming here. Mrs. Flaxman tells me you have accomplished a good +expenditure of paint." + +"I have only brought those, sir, I did not suppose you cared to examine +my school work." + +"Some other time I may do so; but do you say all these have been done +since you came here?" He picked one up, not noticing apparently my reply, +and recognizing the view, instantly his face brightened. + +"Ah, you have shown taste in this selection; it is one of my favorite +views. I am glad you prefer nature to mere copying from another's work +which is like accepting other men's ideas, when one is capable of +originating them of one's own." He looked at it closely and for some time +in silence, then with no further word of praise he criticised it +mercilessly, while he pointed out fault after fault. I could only +acquiesce in the correctness of his criticisms, and only wondered I +should have been so blind as to permit such glaring faults to creep into +my work. Of the many scores of drawing and painting lessons I had +previously taken, not any twelve of them, to say the least, had widened +my knowledge of art as this hour spent with my guardian over that first +picture had done. I looked at him with a provoked sort of admiration, +surprised that one who knew so well how nature should be imitated, did +not, himself, attempt the task, and angry both with him and myself that I +was being subjected to such humiliation, while I listened to him as he +convinced me the picture I thought so good was a mere daub. I was wise +enough, and proud enough too, not to make any sign that I was undergoing +torture, and with stoical calmness permitted him, without a single +remonstrance, to examine every picture there, even the one containing +Thomas in his Sunday suit, as he stood surveying with idealized face, +a superb patch of cabbages. + +"Fancy has run riot with you there entirely; if the gardener were +surveying his sweetheart in the church choir he might have some such +seraphic expression, but it is utterly thrown away on those vegetables; +his face and his broadcloth coat are in perfect harmony," Mr. Winthrop +said, with even voice, as he held aloft the picture that all the other +members of his household had so greatly admired. + +"You think, then, the time spent in these has been quite wasted?" I tried +to say calmly. + +"A genuine artist, no doubt, would say without a moment's hesitation that +the paint was thrown away. As for the time, he would probably say a young +girl's time was of little consequence in any case. I am not an artist, +and do not value paint at a high figure; so I most decidedly affirm that +you made an excellent use of the paint. Labor conscientiously spent in +decorating a barn door is well employed. The door may not be much the +better, but the person who tries to improve its appearance with +painstaking care is benefited." + +"Then I may conscientiously continue decorating canvas, or at least +trying to do so." + +"I should certainly desire and advise you to do so; but instead of +covering so many, if you would take time and talent in elaborating one +picture, I would be better pleased." + +He laid the pictures to one side. "We will continue this study more +exhaustingly in the future; to-day I want to speak of other things. You +have made use of my library, Mrs. Flaxman also informs me. Will you +please tell me what books you have been reading?" + +I went to the shelves and took down the books I had spent most time over, +a good many were novels; and on these I felt certain I could pass a +fairly good examination, since I had read some of them with absorbed +interest; novels of all kinds were, for the most part, forbidden mental +food at school, and therefore, when opportunity offered, I dipped into +them with the keener avidity. But my mind was healthy enough to crave +more solid food than fiction alone, and I was glad to be able to hand my +guardian a volume or two of Carlyle's Frederick, Froude's Cæsar, Motley's +Rise of the Dutch Republic, and a couple of volumes of Bancroft's History +of the United States. + +"Have you read all these since you came to Oaklands?" he asked, with +evident surprise. + +"I skipped some of the dull passages; the 'dry-as-dust' parts of which I +found a few even in Carlyle." + +"Could you stand an examination, think you, in each or any of them?" + +"I am willing to try," I said, seating myself on the opposite side of the +table with folded hands, and possibly a martyrlike air of resignation. + +"Since you are so willing we will take Froude's Cæsar to-day; let me hear +you give a digest of the entire book." + +My eyes sparkled; for this was the last volume I had read, and the author +had infused into my mind a strong leaven of his own hero-worship for the +majestic Cæsar. I was surprised at the ease with which I repeated chapter +after chapter of those stirring incidents, while with his stern, +inscrutable face, my guardian turned the leaves to follow me in my rapid +flight from tragedy to tragedy in those stormy times. + +He laid the book down without comment, and, glancing at the remainder of +the pile paused a moment, and then said: "I will defer the criticisms on +these to some other day. Your memory as well as vocal organs will be +fatigued." + +I meanwhile resolved to consult those books again before the further +examination should take place. + +"You have practised every day on the piano in addition to your other +work; may I ask how long a time you allowed yourself?" + +"At least an hour, sometimes when it was wet or unpleasant out of doors I +took longer time. Never more than three hours, I believe." + +"We will take an hour or two after dinner over your music, after this +once a week, we will spend a short time in reviewing what you read." + +A new anxiety seized me at this promised ordeal. I fancied examinations +and I had said good-bye forever when I left the school-room. + +"I trust you will not think me severe if I insist on thoroughness in +everything. I am wearied seeing so much good money and time wasted on +young girls! With the majority of them, once they have left their +teacher's side, all their interest in further mental culture is at an +end." + +"Some great writers say that our schooling is simply to train the mind to +work, fitting it, so to speak, with necessary tools like a well-equipped +mechanic." + +"But if the tools are never utilized, what good are they merely to lie +and rust?" + +"Who can affirm positively that they are never utilized? Even the +shallowest boarding-school Miss may carry herself more gracefully in +society than one of your usefulest women--Mrs. Blake, for instance." + +"How do you know anything about Mrs. Blake?" he asked abruptly. + +"I met her on the train when I came here and she talked some time with +me." + +"It is not usual for persons in your position to permit such liberties." + +"I thought in America all were reckoned equal." + +"You are not an American." + +"Shall I return then to Europe? I could always travel first-class, and so +be safe from vulgar intrusion." + +"Until your majority your father decided that your home was to be here +after you left school." + +"At what age do I attain my majority?" I asked eagerly. + +"Are you tired of Oaklands?" His eyes were watching me intently. + +"Never, until to day." I faltered, exceedingly frightened, but forced to +tell the truth. + +He turned over the leaves of the Cæsar for a few seconds, in silence, +then he said in quite gentle tones:-- + +"You are tired; we will leave books for another day." + +I bowed, but dared not trust myself to speak lest I might reveal that my +tears were struggling to find vent, and began gathering up my sketches. +He took up a view of Oaklands over which I had lingered lovingly for a +good many hours, adding what I fondly thought were perfecting touches and +said:-- + +"I should like to keep this, if you will give it to me." + +My heart instantly grew lighter, so that I was able to say quite calmly +that he was very welcome to it. This, however, was the only compliment he +paid me for the work over which I had been expending so much time and +effort during the past few months; but I had done the work much in the +same fashion that the birds sing--from instinct. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +MRS. LARKUM. + + +Hubert left for college before the time came around for the distribution +of our ripened fruit, and vegetables, for which fact I was very glad. I +knew the task was going to be no easy one, with Mr. Winthrop silently, +and no doubt sarcastically, watching me; and Hubert's good humored +raillery would in no wise lighten my cares. + +Mrs. Flaxman counseled me as wisely as she knew, but Mrs. Blake was my +greatest help in the matter. Mr. Winthrop had not discovered, or if he +had, did not interfere with my continued friendship for that worthy +woman; so in my present perplexities I came to her for advice and +consolation. + +She promised to notify all her poor acquaintances when they were to +come for their share of our gifts; she assured me there was already +considerable interest, as well as surprise, awakened by the expectation +of such a gathering at Oaklands. + +For several days I watched Thomas and Samuel storing away such vast +quantities of fruit and vegetables, that I concluded we could safely +stand siege for a good many months, but I ruefully determined there would +be little remaining for me to distribute. But one bright morning, just in +range with my own windows, I saw the gardener nailing up some wooden +booths, and when completed, they began to pour in great basketfuls of all +sorts of vegetables, and afterward in separate booths, apples, pears, and +plums. I slipped out before Mr. Winthrop was astir and inquired of Thomas +if these were for my Mill Road pensioners. + +"Yes, ma'am, that they are; and did I ever think I'd live to see this +day?" + +"Why, Thomas, are you not willing to share your bountiful harvest with +those who have none?" + +"Indeed I am. It's that makes me so glad this morning. I had that +good-for-nothing Sam up at four o'clock, helping me saw the boards to +build them bins to put the garden sass in. He reckoned you'd a much sight +better have been staying in them foreign parts than be giving decent +folks such bother. I give him a clip on the ear that made him howl in +earnest, I can tell you. I says to him, says I, 'Why, one would think you +was one of the aristocracy yourself to hear you talk so indifferent like +about the poor folk. There's Miss Selwyn, with full and plenty, and see +how she works for them; you'd ought to be ashamed of yourself,' I says to +him." + +"But I hope you won't punish the poor fellow on my account again--won't +you please give him a holiday soon, for getting up to work so early this +morning?" + +"I'll see about it; but he gets holidays right along; he's nothing but a +plague." + +I saw poor Sam scuttling around a large apple tree quite within hearing +of the gardener's voice, and concluded he was another instance of +listeners never hearing any good of themselves. I did very little work or +reading that day, but watched from the shelter of my window curtains the +slowly accumulating pile. Samuel, I noticed, seemed to work with unusual +cheerfulness, and even the gardener himself did not empty his basket any +oftener than his well-abused help. Mr. Winthrop passed once or twice, and +seemed to give directions. I fancied he glanced up to my window as he +stood watching them empty their baskets. At luncheon he said:-- + +"Your pensioners may come this afternoon, and carry away their produce." + +"I will let them know immediately." + +"Will you go and tell them yourself?" he asked, rather sternly. + +"I can do so with all safety; they are perfectly harmless." I gave him a +mutinous look, but my heart fluttered; for, in spite of myself, I was +very much afraid of my guardian. + +"You must not go about from house to house peddling your generosity," he +said, sarcastically. + +"It is your generosity, Mr. Winthrop," I said gravely; "besides, I do not +go to their houses at all. I have only to acquaint Mrs. Blake that your +gift is ready for distribution." + +"One of the servants will go to Mrs. Blake. You will need all your +strength to maintain the proprieties when your ragged crowd comes." + +"Have you ever seen the Mill Road people?" I asked abruptly. + +"Probably on the streets sometimes; but are they a very distinguished +looking crowd, that you ask?" + +"No, but they are human beings just like ourselves, created in God's +image as clearly as the President of these United States, and some of +them fulfilling the end for which they were made quite as acceptably, +perhaps." + +"The President would, no doubt, feel flattered to have his name so +coupled." + +"I beg your pardon, Mr. Winthrop, I had forgotten your Presidents +conquered the high position they fill, and are not born to it like mere +puppets." + +"You will compare your humble friends with European Royalties then, I +presume." + +"Oh, any one dropping into a soft nest prepared for them by others will +do just as well," I said, not very politely. + +Mrs. Flaxman looked on helplessly as she sat nervously creasing her +napkin; then with a sudden look of relief she said: "Shall I despatch +Esmerelda to the Mill Road? They will have little enough time to get all +that heap of good things carried away before night." + +Mr. Winthrop signified his willingness, and as she was leaving the room +Mrs. Flaxman, by a look, summoned me to follow her. Once outside she said +in her gentle way:--"I would not get arguing with Mr. Winthrop if I were +you. He is a good deal older, and, pardon me, a good deal wiser; and +while he never seems to lose his own temper he very easily makes others +lose theirs." + +"I will try not to," I said, very humbly, for now that my temper had +calmed I realized that I had been very foolish in saying what I did. I +went sorrowfully to my room, and, taking my knitting work, I sat down in +my easy chair where I could watch them working busily at the vegetables. +But there came so many desolate, homesick fancies to keep me company, +that pretty soon my eyes were so blinded with tears I could scarcely see +the enlivening prospect under my windows. Ashamed of my weakness I set +myself resolutely to thinking of Daniel Blake and his heavy, sad life; of +the poor barefoot children, and tired mothers on the Mill Road; and of +all the sadder hearts than mine should be, until the sultry, still air, +and monotonous click of the knitting needles overcame my heartaches, and +I went fast asleep. A knock at the door startled me. Hastily opening it, +I met Esmerelda, who had come to announce the arrival of her neighbors. + +"There's a good lot of them coming, and they look as frightened, and +foolish as so many dogs that's been caught sheep killing. I declare I +pity them." + +"Where is Mr. Winthrop?" I gasped. + +"Oh, you may be certain he's not far off; it's just death to him having +so many of them poor wretches coming around his place. I can't think why +he lets them." + +"I will be there presently, Esmerelda," I said, turning away. It was +certainly not my place to allow her to stand there gossiping about her +employer. + +I did not wait to brush my rumpled hair or bestow more than a passing +glance in the mirror, where I caught sight of a pair of wide, frightened +eyes and an unusually pale face. Mr. Winthrop was waiting for me in the +hall. In my excitement I still held in my hand the little sock I had been +knitting. He glanced at it curiously, but made no mention of it. + +"Your pensioners have come--a beggarly looking crowd." + +"Are there many?" + +"Not more than a dozen. You will have to negotiate with Thomas to get +your gifts carted home. Their baskets will hold only a tithe of what +you have to donate." + +"May I tell him to get the horses?" + +I looked up at him, I dare say, appealingly; for I felt quite overwhelmed +with care. He smiled grimly. + +"You may order all the servants to go to work--anything to get that crowd +away." + +"Don't you feel sorry for them, Mr. Winthrop?" I pleaded. "Just think how +hard it is to be poor, and to come to you with a basket for vegetables." + +"Yes, that last must be the bitterest drop in their misery," he said, +sarcastically. We were walking slowly around to the garden, but our +progress was much too swift for my courage. I would gladly have walked +the entire length of Cavendish to have escaped what had now become a very +difficult task. I resolved on one thing, however; not to be drawn into +any further conversation with Mr. Winthrop, nor allow him to entrap me in +his merciless way again. + +A bend in the garden walk brought me face to face with the Mill Road +people; the crowd consisted principally of women and boys; only a man or +two condescending to come with their baskets; or it may be they thought +the loss of a half day in the Mill would be poorly compensated by the +garden stuff they would get. Mrs. Blake was there,--a crape veil hanging +sideways from her bonnet, which I took as a mark of respect for Daniel's +wife. She carried no basket; and, from the compassionate look on her +face, I concluded she came with the hope to lighten my task, if possible. +I went directly to her, and shook her hand as cordially as if she had +been one of our bluest blooded Cavendish aristocracy. I saw her cast a +half frightened glance at Mr. Winthrop, but my fearless manner seemed to +reassure her, as she soon regained her customary coolness of demeanor. I +nodded cordially to the rest of the group who all seemed just then to be +gazing at me in a very helpless manner. I endeavored to comport myself as +the easy hostess dispensing the hospitalities of my home to a party of +welcome visitors; but with Mr. Winthrop watching my every movement I +found the task to do so herculean. The gardener stood watching the crowd +in a helpless way, apparently as uncertain what to do first as any of +them. I looked towards Mr. Winthrop; but he seemed deeply interested, +judging from his attitude and expression, in tying up a branch of an +overburdened pear tree; but he kept his face turned steadily towards me +all the time, I could not help observing. + +"What shall I do?" I whispered to Mrs. Blake. + +"Tell them to come forred and fill their baskets." + +I cleared my throat, and stepping up to the gardener said: "If you will +please come now, we will fill your baskets." + +At first no one moved; then a delicate, pretty looking woman, with +red-rimmed eyes and a baby in her arms came timidly forward. + +"What would you like best?" I asked. + +"Oh, I can't tell; they all look so good." + +"We are going to send all of this that is left around to your homes in a +wagon." + +"I might take some of these," she said, pointing longingly to the apples +and pears. The baby was stretching its pinched little arms out to them, +and cooing in a pitiful, suppressed way, as if it realized it and must be +on its good behavior. I took the little creature in my arms; its clothes +were clean, but so thin and poor, my heart ached, while I looked at them. +I gave it my watch, which it carried with all speed to its mouth; but a +soft, delicious pear which I picked from the very limb Mr. Winthrop had +been supporting, caused it to drop the watch indifferently. + +"Don't you feel sorry for this little crumb of humanity?" I impulsively +asked, forgetting too speedily my determination not to converse with +him more than was really necessary. + +"Did Madame Buhlman give you lessons in philanthropy along with drawing +and music?" + +"Oh no, indeed; but I hope God has. I don't want my heart to be a rock +like"--and then I shut my mouth and with moist eyes and flushed face +turned abruptly from him. + +I swallowed down my tears, but my heart was too sore to play any longer +with the baby, so I slipped it back into its mother's arms, who had got +her basket filled and was ready to start for home; a neighbor's lad had +come to carry it for her, and with quite a cheerful face she bade me +good-bye. The rest of my crowd had got their baskets filled, and paused +with longing eyes regarding the heaps that still remained. I made their +faces grow suddenly much brighter as, with a slight elevation of voice, I +said: "Thomas will carry the rest of these vegetables around for you with +the horses. You will please stand at your doors, and, as he drives along, +come out for it." There was a subdued murmur of thanks, and then they +started homewards. Mrs. Blake waited a few moments behind them to look +around the old place where she had spent so many days, and shook hands +with Thomas who remembered her very distinctly. + +"It's odd doings for Oaklands having yon crowd come with their baskets," +he said, grimly; "the young miss be like to turn things topsy-turvey." + +"It's high time somebody did; what kind of reckonins will folks have +bime-by, of all their riches, and overplus, and so many of their own +kind of flesh and blood going hungry and naked?" + +"Their reckonins be none in my line. I sees to the roots and posies, that +they thrive; and there my work ends." + +"Yes, posies are fed and sheltered, and little human creeturs like the +widow Larkum's there can starve for all the great folks cares. Deary me! +it's a terble onjointed sort of world; seems to me I could regilate +things better myself. Well, a good afternoon, Mr. Prime." + +"Good afternoon," Mr. Prime coldly responded. Plainly he did not enjoy +Mrs. Blake's freedom of speech. I felt my trespasses against Mr. Winthrop +were already so great I could scarcely increase them by leaving Mrs. +Blake abruptly, so I walked with her through the old gardens, where she +had many a time, no doubt, dreamed her dreams long before my spirit got +started on its long voyage through time and the eternities. I accompanied +her all the way to the gate, listening sadly while she told me for the +second time the sorrowful story of the widow Larkum, whose baby I had +just been fondling. "Ever since her man fell on the circular saw and got +killed, she's been crying more or less. Her eyes look as if they'd been +bound in turkey red; and I tell her she'll be blind soon as well as her +father; but, laws! when the tears is there, they might as well come. It's +their natur, I s'pose, to be a droppin'." + +"What is to support them?" I asked. + +"I guess the parish, but my! they dread it. I believe Mr. Bowen would be +the happiest man in town if the Lord would send his angels for him; he's +about the best Christian I ever sot eyes on." + +"I think I can help them. Does it cost very much to keep a family." + +"It depends on how they're kept. A trifle would do them. She's that +savin', the hull of 'em don't cost much more'n a hearty man." + +"I will tell, Thomas, to leave plenty of his vegetables with her; and, in +the meantime, will you please tell her that I will help to keep the wolf +from her door?" + +"Indeed, I will, and be glad to. I can do a little myself; so you won't +have all to do; and then she is right handy with her needle. My! I feel a +burden lifted already. I couldn't help frettin' as well as her, though, +she's no more to me than any other body." + +"God has given you the heart that feels another's woes. Every one don't +have that blessed gift." + +"I expect not; or if they do, it's not minded. Seems to me the master +looked none too well pleased along wi' us bein' there to-day." She +looked at me keenly; but I was not going to make my moan even to this +true-hearted friend. + +"I hope this act of kindness may leave him so happy that he will give me +leave to give away all the unused stuff I see going to waste about the +place," I said, a trifle hypocritically. + +"He's never knew what want is; and any way his heart's not over tender +naterally; but there, young women can do most anything with men folks +when they're good-lookin' and have nice ways wi' 'em. There's a sight of +difference wi' girls. Some of 'em without any trouble get right into a +man's heart, and they'll go through fire and water to please 'em; and +others may be just as good-lookin' and they have hard work to get any +man to marry 'em. I've wondered more'n a little about it, but it's a +mystery." She turned her kindly wrinkled face on me and said, "You're one +of them kind that can just wind a man round your finger, and I'm looking +for better days at Oaklands. My! but you could do lots of good, if you +got him on your side." + +"Oh, Mrs. Blake, you don't know anything about it, but you are to be +disappointed I am sure. But I can do something without any one's help. +Good-bye." + +She took my hand, holding it for some time in silence; then she said +softly: "Dear; you can get into other folk's hearts beside the men's." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +AN EVENING WALK. + + +Thomas got his garden stuff distributed satisfactorily. "It would done +your heart good to see how pleased the Larkums was over their share: I +give 'em good measure, I tell you," he informed me that evening, as I +made an errand to the stables in order to interview him. + +"That Mr. Bowen, her blind father, he come out too, and I've not got +better pay for anything for years than what he give me," Thomas continued +solemnly. + +"What did he give, you?" I asked. + +"Well I can't just go over his words, but it minded me of the blessing +the preacher says over us before we go out of church, only this was all +just for you and me." + +"You have found to-day that it is more blessed to give than to receive." + +"That Mrs. Blake wan't far astray; but there, I wouldn't let on to the +likes of her that Mr. Winthrop might do more for them. Anyway there's no +one gives more for the poor in the parish, nor anything nigh as much; +only its taxes, and one don't get credit for them." + +"It is only for want of thought, Thomas. He has never been among the +poor, to see their wants and sufferings." + +"But what makes you think, and the rest all forget?" + +"I expect it is because my memory is better. I could always remember my +lessons at school better than the most of the pupils." + +"Ah, Miss, there's more than the memory. I wish there was more rich folks +like you; it would be a better world for the poor." + +His words startled me, the thought had never before occurred to me that +I might be rich. I went to my room, and, with more than my usual care, +dressed for dinner. Compared with Esmerelda's, my gowns were getting +shabby, and old-fashioned; and I concluded if I had means of my +own, it was time to treat myself charitably as well as my poor +acquaintances. The dinner bell rang at last, and I went down with some +trepidation to meet my guardian. My conscience confronted me with my +repeated words of insubordination during the day, commanding me to +apologize for my rudeness; but instinct with a stronger voice counselled +silence. As we took our seats at dinner, Mrs. Flaxman, I thought, with a +worried expression was furtively regarding us; but she kept silent. With +a good-humored smile Mr. Winthrop turned to me, saying: "Your crowd did +not fall to quarrelling over the spoil, I hope." + +"I wish you could have seen how good-humored they were on leaving. I +think they would have talked above their breath only they were afraid." + +"You did not strike me as looking particularly formidable. Indeed, I +quite pitied you; for you seemed the most frightened, nervous one in the +lot." + +"They were not afraid of me. Even the widow Larkum's baby cooed softly +until you were out of sight." + +"It must be a child of amazing intelligence." + +Mrs. Flaxman, looking more anxious than ever interjected a remark, not +very relevantly, about the prospect of our early winter; but Mr. Winthrop +allowed her remark to fall unheeded. + +"You seem particularly interested in that tender-eyed widow and her +infant. Is it long since you made their acquaintance?" + +"I cannot say that I am even now acquainted with her." I answered +politely. + +"I should judge you had a weakness for widows. Mrs. Blake seems on very +cordial terms with you." + +"I would take just as much interest in your widow, Mr. Winthrop, if she +was poor and sorrowful. The wheel of fortune may make a revolution some +day, and give me the opportunity." + +He really seemed to enjoy the retort which fell uncontrollably from my +lips. + +"Allow me to thank you beforehand for your kind offices to that afflicted +individual; though the prospect for their being required is not very good +at present." + +"Mrs. Fleming has sent invitations for a garden-party," Mrs. Flaxman +interposed desperately. "I think Mr. Winthrop had better permit you to go +to New York for some additions to your toilet." + +"I will accompany her myself; she might get entangled with widowers on +her next trip." + +"Not if they are as provoking as the unmarried," I murmured below my +breath; but he seemed to catch my meaning. + +"They understand the art of pleasing your sex amazingly. I believe you +would find them more fascinating than Mrs. Blake, or your new friend, +the widow Larkum." + +I felt too sorrowful to reply, and my temper had quite expended itself. +I waited until he arose from the table and then followed him into the +library. He looked surprised, but very politely handed me a chair. I +bowed my thanks, but did not sit down; I stood opposite him with only +the study table between us. I was nervous, and half afraid to ask my +question, but summoning all my courage I broke the silence by +saying:--"Mr. Winthrop, will you please tell me if I am rich or poor?"' + +"That is a comparative question," he answered with provoking coolness. +"Compared with Jay Gould or Vanderbilt, I should say your means were +limited; but, on the other hand, to measure your riches with your widowed +friends, most persons would allow your circumstances to be affluent." + +"But have I any money left after my board and other expenses are paid?" + +He smiled sarcastically. "I do not take boarders; it has never been our +custom at Oaklands." + +I was getting angry and retorted:--"I shall not eat any man's bread +without paying for it, if he were a hundred times my guardian." + +"But if you had no money wherewith to pay him; what then?" + +"I have an education; with that surely I can earn my living as well as +Esmerelda. My knowledge of French and German will help me to a situation, +if nothing else." + +"If I say you must not leave here; that I will not permit my ward to work +for her living?" he questioned. + +"If I resolve to be independent, and earn something beside, to help the +poor, can you compel me to a life of ease and uselessness?" + +"Ah, I see what is troubling you--the widows are on your mind. A gracious +desire to help them has caused this mercenary fit. I am glad to inform +you that there is a snug sum lying at your bankers in your name. When you +come of age you will know the exact amount." + +"You will pay for my board and expenses out of it," I said, rather +incoherently; "and then, if there is any left, may I have it to lay out +as I choose?" + +"I do not care to assume the rôle of a hotel-keeper, so we will +compromise matters. You can name whatever sum you choose for your board, +and I will give it to you in quarterly instalments for your pensioners." + +I was silent for a few moments, perplexed to know what answer to give. If +he were to take from my own income the sum I might mention if I accepted +his terms, would I not still be a debtor to his hospitality? I spoke at +last, knowing that his eyes were reading my face. "Could I not first pay +you all that I really cost you, and then if there was any money left, +have that to expend just as I choose?" + +"I have hitherto allowed you a certain sum for pocket money. I limited +the supply, because, as a school-girl, I believed too much would be an +injury. Since, however, you are now a young lady grown and gifted with +highly benevolent instincts, I will increase your spending money to any +reasonable sum you may name." + +"Will it be my own money?" + +"Certainly; I shall not exercise the slightest supervision over the way +you spend it, so long as your Mill Road friends do not get quarreling +over the division of it." + +"You do not understand my meaning. Will it be the money my father left +me?" + +"I cannot promise it will be just the same. No doubt that has passed +through scores of hands since then; in fact, it may be lying in the +bottom of the sea. I did not expect you would be so exact in money +matters, or I might have been more careful." + +"Mr. Winthrop, why do you so persistently misconstrue my meaning?" I +said, desperately. He looked down more gently from his superior height +into my troubled face, and the mocking gleam faded from his eyes. + +"Why are you so scrupulously, ridiculously insistent in maintaining such +perfect independence? Can you not believe I get well paid for all you +cost me, if we descend to the vulgarity of dollars and cents, in having +a bright, original young creature about the house with a fiery, +independent, nature, ready to fight with her rich friends for the sake +of her poor ones?" + +"I wish we could be friendly, Mr. Winthrop," I half sobbed, with an +impulsive gesture stretching out my hands, but remembering myself, as +quickly I drew them back, and without waiting for a reply fled from the +room. Once in the hall I took down my hat from the rack and slipped out +into the night, my pulses throbbing feverishly, and with difficulty +repressing the longing to find relief in a burst of tears. The short +twilight had quite faded away into starlight, but the autumn air was +still warm enough to permit a stroll after nightfall. When I grew calm +enough to notice whither my feet had strayed, I found myself on the Mill +Road. Instinctively I felt I should not go so far from home in the +darkness unattended; but I was naturally courageous as well as +unconventional, and the desire was strong on me to tell Mrs. Blake my +good news. I got on safely until Daniel Blake's light was in sight, when, +just before me, I heard rough voices talking and laughing. I turned and +was about fleeing for home, when a similar crowd seemed to have sprung +up, as if by magic, just behind me. In my terror I attempted to climb a +fence, but fence-climbing was a new accomplishment, and in my ignorance +and fright, I dragged myself to the top rail and then fell over in a +nerveless heap on the other side. The crowd were too self-absorbed to +notice the crouching figure divided from them by a slight rail fence, and +went shouting on their way until stopped by the other crowd. I waited +until they had got to a safe distance, when I arose and sped swiftly +along over the damp grass until another fence intercepted my progress; +when fortunately I remembered that just beyond this fence was a low +marshy field, with deep pools of water. By some means I again got over +the fence, bruising my fingers in the effort. The voices were growing +fainter in the distance, and now with calmer pulses, I proceeded on my +way to the Blakes'. But a new alarm awaited me; for I recollected Daniel +would be at home now, and Tiger, his constant companion, would be +somewhere in his vicinity. The dog was a huge creature, capable of +tearing me to pieces in a very short time if he was so inclined. Folding +my arms tightly in the skirt of my dress, I presently heard Tiger +approaching, giving an occasional savage growl. I called him to me with +as much simulated affection in the tones of my voice as I could command, +and walked straight for the kitchen door. I put my hand on the latch, not +daring to hesitate long enough to knock, when he caught my sleeve in his +teeth. Half beside myself with terror, I called to Mrs. Blake, and in a +second or two the door opened and Daniel was peering out curiously into +my white face. The light from the lamp in his hand shone full on the dog +holding my sleeve in his white, long teeth. Daniel's slow brain scarce +took in the situation, but his mother, who sat where she could look +directly at us, caught up the tongs and gave Tiger a blow he probably +remembered to his dying day. He dropped my dress and slunk silently away +into the darkness. Instantly I felt sorry for him. "Won't you call him +back," I cried. "He thought he was doing his duty, and he took care not +to put his teeth in my arm." + +"It seems to me your heart is a leetle too tender of the brute; he might +have skeered you to death," Daniel said, as he went out after his dog to +see how heavy damage the tongs had inflicted. + +"I should not have come here so late; it was I and not the dog who was to +blame," I gasped, as I sank into Mrs. Blake's rocking-chair. + +"I've wanted Daniel to put the critter away; he's been offered fifty +dollars for him, but he's kind of lonesome, and refuses the offer." + +Mrs. Blake was looking at me closely. I knew she was curious to know what +brought me there at that unusual hour, so I hastened to explain, and +asking her would she go with me to the Widow Larkum's while I told her of +the help I expected to afford, and also of my mishaps on the way there. + +"Not to-night, dearie. These roads ain't none too safe after night for +women folks. It's a mercy you tumbled over the fence. My! what would +Mr. Winthrop say if he knowed?" she questioned solemnly. + +"But he will never know, if I can get back safely." + +"Dan'el and me'll go with you, and take Tiger and the lantern. They're +all afraid of the dog, if I haven't lamed him." + +She went to the door and called Daniel. He came in presently, with Tiger +limping after him. + +"You give him an unmerciful blow; a leetle more and he'd never barked +again." + +"Bring him in and I'll give him a bone and rub the sore place with +liniment." + +"Let me feed him," I begged. "I want to make friends with him." + +"You'd best not put your hands on him. He don't make free with +strangers." + +I took the bone; to my regret it was picked nearly bare, and I idly +resolved Tiger should have a good solid dinner the next day, if he and +I survived the mishaps of the night. + +"Poor fellow! I am very, very sorry I have caused you so much pain," I +said, giving him the bone and patting his huge head fearlessly. + +"Look out!" Daniel said, warningly. + +"You needn't be afeard," his mother said. "Tiger knows quality." + +Whether he was as knowing in this respect as she asserted, he gnawed his +bone and let me stroke his shaggy coat, while Mrs. Blake bathed his +bruised back. + +"There, he'll be all right now in no time; and Dan'el, you get the +lantern and we'll go back to Oaklands with Miss Selwyn." + +Daniel got up wearily, and did as his mother bade. After his hard day's +work in the mill he would willingly, no doubt, have been excused +escorting damsels in distress to their homes. + +Mrs. Blake soon came out of her room with her bonnet and shawl on--the +former one without a veil, which she excused on the ground that dew took +the stiffening out of crape--"Leastways," she added, "the kind I wear." +Tiger followed us, and more in mercy to him than the tired Daniel, I +insisted on going home alone once we had got beyond the precincts of the +Mill Road. I met with no further adventure, and reached my own room in +safety, fondly hoping no one in the house was aware of my evening's +ramble, and one that I determined should never be repeated. My cheeks +burned even after my light was extinguished, and my head throbbed on the +pillow at Mr. Winthrop's biting sarcasm if he knew the risk I had just +run from bipeds and quadrupeds, with Daniel Blake, his mother and dog as +body-guard past the danger of Mill Road ruffianism. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +A HELPING HAND. + + +The following morning I went down to breakfast with some trepidation, and +feeling very much like a culprit. Mrs. Flaxman came into the room first, +and in her mild, incurious fashion said: "We were hunting for you last +evening. Mr. Winthrop wished to see you about something." + +I did not reply, neither did she inquire where I had bestowed myself out +of reach of their voices. I felt certain Mr. Winthrop's curiosity would +be more insistent, and was quite right in my conjectures. He came in as +usual, just on the minute, and seating himself, went through with the +formality of grace; but before our plates were served, he turned to me +and rather sternly said: "Are you in the habit of going out for solitary +night rambles?" + +"I never did but once," I faltered, too proudly honest to give an evasive +answer. + +"That once, I presume, occurred last night?" + +"Yes." + +"Strictly speaking, it wanted just five minutes to nine when you slipped +stealthily into the side entrance." + +I sat, culprit-like, in silence, while his eyes were watching me closely. + +"Don't you think two hours a long time to be loitering about the garden +in the dark?" + +"You must not be too hard on Medoline," Mrs. Flaxman interposed. "It is +an instinct with young folk to stray under the starlight and dream their +dreams. No doubt we both have been guilty of doing it in our time." I +flashed Mrs. Flaxman a look of gratitude, and wondered at the naïve way +she counted Mr. Winthrop with herself, as if he too had arrived at staid +middle-agehood. + +"Dreaming under stars and wandering around in attendance on widows are +two very different occupations," he said, quietly, and without a break in +his voice asked Mrs. Flaxman what he should help her to. I swallowed my +breakfast--what little I could eat--with the feeling that possibly each +succeeding mouthful might choke me; but full hearts do not usually prove +fatal, even at meal time. + +I arose from the table as soon as Mr. Winthrop laid down his napkin, and +was hastening from the room when I heard him move back his chair; and, +swift as were my movements, he was in the hall before I had reached the +topmost step of the staircase. + +"Just one more word, please," I heard him say. I turned around, resolved +to take the remainder of my lecture from a position where I could look +down on him. He held out a parcel, saying: "Will you come and get this, +or shall I carry it to you?" + +I descended without replying, and held out my hand for the roll. He took +hold of my hand instead. The firm, strong grasp comforted me, though I +expected a severer lecture than I had ever received before in all my +life. I looked up at him through tear-filled eyes when he said, in a +strangely gentle voice for the circumstances: + +"I saw you coming along the Mill Road last night with the Blakes and +their lantern. Why were you there so late?" + +"I wanted so much to tell the widow Larkum I was in a position now to +help her." + +He was silent for awhile; then he said: + +"I am glad you did not try to mislead me at the breakfast-table. I could +not easily have forgiven such an act. Next to purity, I admire perfect +truth in your sex." + +"Mr. Winthrop, you will believe me that I never went out of our own +grounds after night before alone, and I never will, if I live for a +hundred years." + +"Pray do not make rash promises. I only claim obedience to my wishes +until you are of age. I will accept your word until that date, and shall +not go in search of you along the Mill Road, or any other disreputable +portion of the town again. Your mother's daughter can be trusted." + +I tried to withdraw my hand, in order to escape with my tear-stained face +to my own room, quite forgetting the parcel I had come down the stairway +for. + +"We start for New York this afternoon. Mrs. Flaxman accompanies us. She +will be congenial society for you, having been a widow for nearly a score +of years." + +"I do not care particularly for widows. It is the poor and desolate I +pity." + +"Well, here is the first instalment of widows' money. I give it to you +quarterly, purely from benevolent motives." + +"Why so?" I asked, curiously. + +"If you received it all at once Mill Road would be resplendent with crape +and cheap jewelry." + +"I suppose I must thank you," I said, hotly; "but the manner of the +giving takes away all the grace of the gift." + +"You express yourself a trifle obscurely, but I think I comprehend your +meaning," he said, without change of voice. If I could have seen his eyes +flash, or his imperturbable calm disturbed, my own anger would have been +less keen. + +"May I go now?" I presently asked, quite subdued; for he had fallen into +a brown study, and was still holding my hand. + +"Yes, I had forgotten," he said, turning away, and a moment after entered +the library and shut the door. I went in search of Mrs. Flaxman, whom I +found still in the breakfast-room, and in a rather nervous condition, +busy about the china, which she rarely permitted the servant to wash. + +"Shall we stay long in New York?" I asked, very cheerfully, the fifty +dollars I held in my hand, and the easy way I had got off with Mr. +Winthrop, making me quite elated. + +"One can never tell. Mr. Winthrop is very uncertain; we may return in a +day or two, or we may stay a fortnight." + +"You are not anxious to go?" I questioned, seeing her troubled face. + +"Not just now, in the height of the pickling and preserving season. +Reynolds has excellent judgment, but I prefer looking after such things +myself." + +She looked wistfully at me while she dried her china. "May I help you, +Mrs. Flaxman? It never occurred to me before that I might share your +burdens. I should learn to have cares, as well as others." + +"I always like to have you with me, dear. Sometimes I try to make myself +believe God has given you to me, instead of my own little Medoline." + +"Had you a daughter once?" + +"Yes; and, like yourself, named after your own dear mother." + +"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, and you never told me. Was she grown up like me?" + +"She was only six years old when she died, just a month after her father; +but the greater grief benumbed me so I scarce realized my second loss +until months afterward." + +"Is it so terrible, then, to lose one's husband?" + +"It depends greatly on the husband." + +"The widow Larkum cries constantly after hers, but he was bread-winner, +too. A hungry grief must be a double one." + +"Did Mr. Winthrop say anything further to you about being out last +night?" + +"A little," I replied, with scarlet cheeks; "but he will never do so +again. I shall not give him cause to reprove me." + +"That is the most lady-like course. You are no longer a little girl, or a +school-girl either." + +I wiped my plates in silence, but my mortification was none the less +intense. I realized then, more keenly than ever, that I must preserve the +proprieties, and confine myself to the restrictions of polite society. +The breezy, unconventional freedom Mrs. Flaxman had for those few months +permitted me had been so keenly enjoyed. I fretted uneasily at the forms, +and ceremonies of artificial life, while the aboriginal instincts, which +every free heart hides away somewhere in its depths, had been permitted +too full development. + +The china cleansed, and put away, I stood surveying the shining pieces +that comprised our breakfast equipage, and like the tired clock in the +fable, thought wearily of the many hundred times Mrs. Flaxman had washed +those dishes; of the many thousand times they, or others, would go +through the same operation, until Mrs. Winthrop's sands of time had all +run out, and Oaklands gone to decay, or passed into other hands. + +"Isn't it tiresome work washing dishes--the same yesterday, to-day and +fifty years hence? I wish I had been created a man; they don't have such +sameness in their work." + +"Are you sure, dear? Fancy a bookkeeper's lot, or a clerk's reckoning up +columns of figures so like there is not a particle of variety; not a new +or thrilling idea in all their round of work from January to December, +unless we except a column that won't come right. That may have a thrill +in it now and then, but certainly not a joyous one. After we return from +New York, if you pay attention to a clerk's work in the stores we visit, +you will acknowledge a lady's household tasks delightful in comparison. +The farmer's life has the most variety, and comes nearest to elementary +things and nature's great throbbing vitals; but as a rule they are a +dissatisfied lot, and unreasonably so, I think." + +"Come to look at things generally, it's a very unsatisfactory sort of +world, anyway. I think it's affairs might just as well get wound up as +not. There have been plenty of one variety of beings created, I should +think, to fill up lots of room in the starry spaces, and there are so +many to suffer forever." + +"It is hardly reverent, dear, for us to criticise God's plans. It is His +world, and we are His creatures; and we may all be happy in Him here, and +there be happy with Him forever. Besides, life does not seem monotonous +when we are doing His will." + +"But I know so few who are doing His will save you, and that poor blind +Mr. Bowen. I read my Bible every day, and sometimes I get thinking over +its words, and I reckon there will only be one here and there fit to +enter Heaven. All our friends nearly would be terribly out of place to be +suddenly transplanted to the Heavenly gardens. What could they talk about +to the shining ones? The fashions, and social gossips, and fancy work and +amusements would all be tabooed subjects there, I expect." + +"You do not know many people yet. I thank God there are thousands longing +to serve Him. I think, dear, you must have a touch of dyspepsia this +morning; your thoughts are so morbid." + +"Oh no, indeed; I am quite well. But shall we see any of those people you +describe in New York?" + +"If we stay long enough, doubtless we shall. I have a few rare friends +there whose friendship often gives me the feeling of possessing unlimited +riches." + +"I wish I had such friends," I exclaimed, with sudden longing. "You and +the Mill Road folk are the only ones I have on this side the ocean, and +the most I care much for on the other already think in another language +from mine." + +"Yours will not be a friendless life, I feel certain. I see elements in +your impulsive nature that must attract those who love the true and +unselfish." + +"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, what a delicious compliment to give me, just when I +was most discouraged about myself! Mr. Winthrop finds me such a nuisance, +and all your pretty and elegant lady friends I know care so little for me +that I can't but believe that I am a poor specimen, although you speak so +kindly." + +"You will be wise to learn the art of not thinking much about your +merits. I find these the happiest lives who live most outside of self; +and they are the most helpful to others." + +"But we have mainly to do with ourselves. How can we help wondering if +our particular barque on the voyage of life is to be a success or not?" + +"It lies with ourselves whether it is or no." + +"But persons like Mrs. Larkum and the Blakes, how can they have a +successful voyage, when they are so poor and lowly?" + +"You must get the thought out of your mind that being poor and humble +makes any difference in God's sight. When Christ visited our planet his +position was as lowly as the Blakes; his purse as empty as the widow +Larkum's. We are such slow creatures to learn that character itself is +the only greatness in God's sight. Our ancestry and rent roll are the +small dust of the balance with Him." + +"But Mr. Winthrop thinks most of those things--the ancestry and wealth." + +"We must not sit in judgment on any one's thoughts, and we must not take +any man's gauge of character in the abstract as the correct one; only +take the word of God." + +I went out into the sunshine to think over Mrs. Flaxman's little lecture; +a good deal comforted with the reflection that Mrs. Blake might have more +weight in the balances of Heaven than I had thought. The garden was +looking very shabby--its splendid midsummer glory had only a few flowers +left to show what had been there, and these only the thick-petaled, +substantial blossoms as free from perfume as the products of the +vegetable garden. I grew melancholy. A premonition of my own sure coming +autumn season, towards the end of life, was forecasting its cold shadow +over the intervening years which made the November sunshine grow dim; and +I gladly re-entered the house. I went very meekly to the library-door and +tapped. Quite a long pause, and then I heard my guardian's study door +which opened into the library, shut; and a second after he stood before +me. I thought he gave me a surprised glance, since it was only the second +time I had come into his presence there unsummoned. + +"May I take some of the money you gave me this morning to Mrs. Larkum, +before I leave for New York?" + +"If you have time. Usually it takes ladies some hours to prepare for a +journey such as you have before you to-day." + +"I am sorry to say I am not a regulation lady. I can get ready in half an +hour." + +"That is a quality in your sex that will cover a multitude of sins." + +"I am glad you have at last found something good in me," I said, +sorrowfully. + +"You must not personally apply every generalization your friends may make +in their conversation." + +"Then you give me permission to go?" + +"It strikes me you are rushing to the other extreme. I have never +interfered with your rambles, except at unseemly hours. Mill Road at +mid-day is quite safe for the most unconventional young lady in +Cavendish." + +I bowed my thanks, and turning away heard the library door shut. I could +fancy the expression on my guardian's face as he returned to his books. +But, as I put on my wraps, my heart grew lighter although Mr. Winthrop's +last observation made me wince. I took a crisp ten dollar bill. Surely, I +reflected, that could not be a dangerous sum to entrust the widow with, +considering that she had a helpless father, and half-clad children to +look after. I took the kitchen on my way and begged a generous slice of +meat from the cook to carry to Tiger. + +"Most like they'll have their own dinner off it first; they'll think +it a sin to give such meat to a dog," I heard her mutter as I left the +kitchen. On my way I met Emily Fleming and Belle Wallace. They laughingly +inquired where I was going with my bundles; but I assured them it was an +errand of mercy, and could not therefore be explained. Miss Emily's plump +features and bright black eyes took a slightly contemptuous expression as +she assured us I was rapidly developing into a Sister of Charity. + +"Better be that than an idler altogether like the rest of us," the more +gentle natured Belle responded. + +"If you are getting into a controversy I will continue my journey," I +said, nodding them a pleasant good morning and going cheerfully on my +way, thinking of Tiger's prospective gratification, coupled with that of +the widow Larkums. + +Going first to the Blakes, I found Tiger stretched out on the doorstep. +He wagged his tail appreciatively, but did not growl as I stroked his +shaggy coat. + +Examining him by daylight, I saw that he was a fine specimen of his +species. Daniel explained to me afterward that he was a cross between a +St. Bernard and Newfoundland--a royal ancestry, truly, for any canine, +and unlike human off-shoots from the best genealogical trees, quite sure +of inheriting the finest qualities of his ancestors. I went into the +house, the dog limping after me. Mrs. Blake heard my voice and came in in +some alarm. She looked surprised to see me sitting by the table with +Tiger's massive head in my lap, while I unrolled the meat. She also stood +watching, and when the juicy steak was revealed, her own eyes brightened +as well as Tiger's. "I haven't seen such a piece of meat in many a day. +It minds me so of Oaklands." + +"I got it from cook for Tiger," I explained. "It is clean--perhaps you +would like a few slices off it." + +"I would, indeed. Its a shame to give a brute such victuals." + +"Poor Tiger, he deserves something good, after the way he was punished on +my account." She brought a knife and plate saying: "We can share wi' each +other; I don't want to rob even a dog of his rights." I turned the meat +over and found a bone which I cut off and gave him, and then, giving the +remainder to her to put out of Tiger's way, I stipulated that he was to +have all the scraps that were left. Then I informed her of my gift from +Mr. Winthrop, or rather loan, and of the sum I purposed giving Mrs. +Larkum. + +"Did Mr. Winthrop give you all that money for poor folks?" she asked +incredulously. + +"Yes." + +"Well, I've heard he never give anything except through the town council. +I've heard he was uncommon free in that way. But, laws! I reckoned the +first time I seen you that you'd be able afore long to wind him around +your finger. Fine manners and a handsome face, with a good heart, soon +thaws out a bachelor heart." + +"You were never more mistaken in your life, Mrs. Blake." + +"May be so," she said, as if quite unconvinced. + +I turned the conversation rather abruptly:-- + +"Will ten dollars be too much to entrust Mrs. Larkum with at once?" + +"Dear heart, you might give her fifty, if you had it. She'd be jest as +saving of it as--well as I'd be myself, and I call myself next door to +stingy." + +"I am so glad; one likes to know the most will be made of what they +give." + +"If you don't mind, I'll put on my shawl and go with you." + +"I was going to ask you to do so." + +"I'll jest set on the pot for Dan'el's dinner first. Twelve o'clock soon +comes these short days." Mrs. Blake threw a faded woolen shawl over her +head, and taking a short path across the field we started for Mrs. +Larkum's, Tiger limping after us. + +I thought Mrs. Blake's snug kitchen quite a nest of comfort after I had +taken a survey of the Larkum's abode. + +One roughly plastered room with two little closets at one side for +bedrooms had to serve for home for five souls. + +I felt a curious, smothered sensation at first, as I looked on the +desolate surroundings--the pale, sad-faced mother, the blind grandfather, +and ragged children. A dull fire was smouldering in the cooking stove, +and beside it sat the grandfather, the baby on his knee, vainly trying to +extract consolation from its own puny fist. As I looked at him closely I +saw that Mr. Bowen had an unusually fine face--not old looking, but +strangely subdued, and chastened. I fancied from his countenance, at once +serene and noble, that he had beautiful thoughts there in the darkness +and poverty of his surroundings. Mrs. Larkum was mending a child's torn +frock, her eyes as red and swollen as ever. Her face brightened, however, +when we went in. Mrs. Blake assured me afterward it would be better than +medicine to them having one of the quality sit down in their house, I +took the baby from its grandfather, and soon the little one was cooing +contentedly in my arms, getting its fingers and face nicely smeared with +the candies I had brought it. I divided the supply with the two other +little ones--the eldest going direct to his grandfather, and dividing his +share with him. I noticed that the gift was thankfully received, but +placed securely in his pocket; no doubt to be brought out a little later, +and divided with the others. I glanced at the blind man's clothing. Clean +it certainly was; in this respect corresponding with everything I saw in +the house; but oh, so sadly darned, and threadbare. Still, he seemed like +a gentleman, and I fancied he shrank painfully within himself as if one's +presence made him ill at ease. I resolved to say very little to him on +this first visit, but later on try to find the key to his heart. I +contented myself with the use of my eyes, and playing with the baby, +leaving the two widows to indulge in a few sighs and tears together. My +own tears do not come very readily, and it makes me feel cold hearted to +sit dry-eyed while other eyes are wet. As I sat quietly absorbing the +spirit of the place, my eyes rested on a shelf containing the few cheap +dishes that served their daily food. Instantly the desolate fancies I had +a few hours before indulged came forcibly to mind. I thought what would +it be to cleanse the remains of meagre repasts from these coarse cups, +and plates, through days and years, with no glad hopes or joyous fancies +to lighten the toil! I was growing desolate hearted myself, and concluded +my widowed friend had sighed and wept long enough; so returning the +little charge to its grandfather, I went to Mrs. Larkum's side, and +slipped the note into her hand, at the same time saying good-bye, and +motioned to Mrs. Blake to come home. She arose very reluctantly, being +unwilling to miss her friend's surprise and satisfaction. I too was +constrained to look at her as she unfolded the note. A flush swept over +her face as she saw the number, and handing it back to me, she said:-- + +"You have made a mistake, and given me the wrong bill." + +"Oh no, indeed. I got it on purpose for you." + +"But it is ten dollars. Surely you did not mean that." + +"Mrs. Blake said you would know how to lay out fifty very wisely," I +said, with, a smile. + +Her tears, always so convenient, began to flow afresh. Turning to her +father she said with a sob, "Father, your prayers are getting answered. +The Lord, I believe, will provide." + +I saw him gather the baby close to his heart, and then with a gesture of +self command he seemed with difficulty to restrain his own emotion. "The +Lord reward the giver," he murmured in a low voice; but some way it gave +me the feeling that I had suddenly received some precious gift. + +"When that is gone I shall have some more for you," I promised. + +"Oh, before all this is used up, I must try to get earning myself. But +this, with all those vegetables you gave me yesterday, will give me +such a start. I will buy a whole barrel of flour, it spends so much +better--and get some coals laid in for winter. They are the heaviest +expense." + +"Yes," I said, impulsively, "and flannels for the children. It will be so +much better than crape." + +"Crape!" she ejaculated. "I don't need crape for my husband. I have too +much mourning in my heart to put any on outside." + +I meant some day, when I felt pretty courageous, to repeat her words to +Mr. Winthrop. Once outside, I found the glorious expansion of sky and +horizon very grateful after the narrow limits of the little cottage. At +luncheon Mr. Winthrop asked if I had paid my visit yet to Mill Road. I +acknowledged, with a slight crimsoning of cheek, that I had conveyed to +Mrs. Larkum a small sum of money. + +"No doubt she will have a crape weeper as long as the widow Blake's." + +"I did not think you noticed the trivialities of women's attire so +minutely." + +"I do not as a rule; but in the case of your intimate friends, it is +natural I should endeavor to discover their especial charms." + +"Mrs. Larkum said she was going to lay out the money I gave her chiefly +in flour and coals. I suggested flannel would be much better also to buy +than crape. She said she had no need to put on mourning; she already wore +it in her heart." + +"She is a very sensible woman," my guardian replied. + +Then I described, as minutely as I could and with all the pathos I could +command, the grim surroundings of this poor family--the grandfather, with +his serene, sightless face and strangely deep trust in Providence; the +clean, but faded, worn garments they all had on--not one of them, +apparently, possessed of a decent suit of clothes; and then their horror +of help from the town. Mrs. Flaxman wiped her eyes sympathetically when I +repeated the grateful words my gift had evoked, and said with trembling +voice: "It just seems as if the Lord sent you there, Medoline." + +"Do you think the Ruler of this vast universe has leisure or inclination +to turn his gaze on such trivialities? No doubt suns and systems are +still being sent out completed on their limitless circles. To conceive +their Creator turning from such high efforts to send Medoline with a ten +dollar bill to the Larkums, to my mind borders on profanity," Mr. +Winthrop said, with evident disgust. + +"The infinitely great and infinitely small alike receive His care. +Perhaps it required stronger power from God to make you give me the money +and then to make me willing to carry it to them, than it does to create a +whole cluster of suns and planets. I think our wills limit God's power +more than anything he ever created, except Satan and his angels." + +"You are quite a full-fledged theologian, little one. I am surprised you +do not engage more heartily in home mission work." + +"I must first learn to show more patience at home." + +He did not make any reply; but as we were speeding on our way that +afternoon in the cars, he came to my side and handed me a small roll of +bills. + +"Would you like to buy that widower friend of yours a warm suit of +clothes for the winter? Mrs. Flaxman will show you a suitable furnishing +establishment. Philanthropists must do all sorts of things, as you will +find." + +"You are very kind after all, Mr. Winthrop. I wish I could tell you how +grateful I am. Please forgive all my rude speeches--I hope I will never +get provoked with you again." + +"I most certainly hope you will. A little spice adds greatly to the +flavor of one's daily food." + +He walked away; and first counting my gift, I found, to my surprise, that +it amounted to fifty dollars. I opened my little velvet satchel--my +traveling companion for many a weary mile--and laid it safely in one of +the pockets. I had plenty of leisure that afternoon for fancy to paint +all sorts of pictures. Mr. Winthrop was at the farther end of the car, +with a group of friends he had met; and Mrs. Flaxman, a nervous traveler +at the best, was trying to forget the discomforts of travel as she sat +with her easy-chair wheeled into a sheltered corner, sleeping as much as +possible. I watched the rapidly disappearing views from my windows, some +of them causing pleasant thoughts, and sometimes re-touching memories so +remote they seemed like experiences of another existence, which my soul +had known before it came under its present limitations. There were +cottages that we flew past, reminding me of the Larkum abode; these I +kept wearily peopling with white, sightless faces, and hungry, sad-faced +women and children. + +When at last my own thoughts were beginning to consume me, Mr. Winthrop +came and sat near me. + +"Is a journey in the cars equal to an hour spent with your widows?" he +asked. + +"I have enjoyed the drive. One sees so much that is new, and is food for +thought, only the mind gets wearied with such swift variety." + +He was silent for some time, then, with a complete change of topic he +said, + +"I have been glad to hear you practicing so industriously on the piano. +Some day you may have a more appreciative audience than Mrs. Flaxman +and myself." + +"It has helped to occupy my time. I do not know that much else has been +accomplished." + +"That is not a very wise reason for so occupying your time." + +"One must get through it some way. In pleasant weather, getting +acquainted with nature, in field and garden and by the seashore, was my +favorite pastime." + +"It is an indolent way to seek the acquaintance of so profound a +mistress:--merely sunning one's self under the trees, or listening to the +monotonous voice of the sea, sitting on the rocks." + +"In what better way could I discover her secrets?" + +"Following in the steps of those who have made her in her varying forms a +life long study, and who have embalmed their discoveries in books." + +"But I am young yet, and I need first to discover if I have tastes for +such pursuits." + +"A youthful Methusaleh might make that objection; but your years are too +few to pause while making a selection." + +"At first when I came to Oaklands, I was perplexed to know how the long +days and years were to be occupied." + +"Have you since then found for yourself a career?" + +"I am finding an abundance of work, if I only am willing to do it." + +"You must not get so absorbed in deeds of charity that you forget the +duties belonging to yourself and position. Oaklands may not always be +your home, with its pastoral enjoyments. You should endeavor to fit +yourself for wider and higher spheres of action." + +"In the meantime, however, my life must be got through some way. If I can +help others to be happier, surely my time cannot be quite wasted; and I +may the easier render my final account." + +"Ah, that's a perplexing question--our final settlement for the deeds of +this life." + +I looked my surprise at his tone of voice. + +"You have not learned yet, Medoline, to doubt. Very well, never begin. +It's horrible having no sure anchor to hold by when death forces one into +unknown oceans, or shipwrecks with annihilation." + +"Death never can do that, if we trust in Christ, who turned our last +enemy into a blessed angel." + +"Your faith is very beautiful, and is, no doubt, sufficient for your +utmost intellectual needs; and by all means hold to it as you would to +your life." + +"I think it is the same that St. Paul, and Martin Luther, and John +Milton, and a thousand, yes a million other noblest intellects, held +firmly. Surely it will serve for me." + +"You are satisfied, then, to think with the crowd?" + +"Yes, until something more reasonable is given me than God's word and +revealed religion. But, Mr. Winthrop, I am only a heard believer. I am +not a Christian, really." + +"If I believed the Bible as you do, I would not risk my soul one half +hour without complying with every command of the Scriptures. You who so +firmly believe, and yet live without the change of heart imperatively +demanded by the Bible, are the most foolhardy beings probably in the +entire universe." + +"Are we any more foolish than those who dare to doubt with the same +evidence that we possess?" + +"Possibly not; but I think you are." + +I was silent; for there came to me a sudden consciousness that Mr. +Winthrop was right. I had no doubts about the great truths of our +religion; and what excuse then could I offer for not accepting them to +the very utmost of my human need? + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +CITY LIFE. + + +In the late evening the lights from the restless, crowded city began to +twinkle in the distance, and shortly another living freight was borne +safely within its shelter. Mr. Winthrop had met a friend who came into +the car, a station or two back, and had grown so absorbed in conversation +that he paid no heed to the people hurrying out into the night. Mrs. +Flaxman was aroused by the commotion and glanced around uneasily, but did +not like to interrupt Mr. Winthrop's eager conversation. Besides, she +comforted herself with the belief that our train would probably lay in +New York for the night. At last Mr. Winthrop came to escort us out. "I +believe we have no time to spare. I did not notice that we had reached +our terminus." + +"It is no use denying the fact; men are greater talkers than women," I +remarked seriously. + +"Why so?" he asked, pausing with satchel suspended, awaiting my answer. + +"Why, no two women on the continent would get so absorbed in each other +as to forget they had reached their journey's end, and had need to be in +a hurry." + +"Probably not; their topics would be too trivial to claim so much +attention." + +I found the reply unanswerable, and hastened after Mrs. Flaxman, who +was already out of sight. When we reached the door the cars were in +motion.--"What shall we do?" I cried, anxiously. "I could never get off +while the cars were moving." I caught a glimpse of Mrs. Flaxman's scared +face as we went past. + +"Leave me and go to Mrs. Flaxman. A man can jump easily, I am sure," I +pleaded, finding that we were moving out of the station, and actually on +the road again. + +"And what will you do?" he asked very calmly. + +"I have plenty of money in my pocket, and can pay my way back by the next +train," I said, hurriedly. + +"You would travel alone at midnight to save Mrs. Flaxman a trifling +anxiety?" + +"I won't be frightened, and she will be so worried there, all alone among +strangers," I pleaded. + +"Mrs. Flaxman knows our hotel. She will be safe when she reaches there, +which will be in a few minutes now. So you need not be troubled about +her. I shall not leave you," he said, decidedly. + +We went back into the car, which was nearly empty; but, some way, I felt +as content and safe as if we had joined Mrs. Flaxman at the hotel. Mr. +Winthrop sat near, but he did not seem in a mood just then for +conversation. I think he felt chagrined at his carelessness, but I was +wicked enough to enjoy it. I leaned my head back against my easy-chair +and furtively watched my guardian, as he sat writing in a large blank +book which he took from his pocket after awhile. I had never before had +such opportunity to study, in repose, the strong, intellectual face. As +I watched the varying moods of his mind, while he thought and wrote, it +reminded me of cloud-swept meadows on a summer's day--the sunshine +succeeding the shadow. I fancied that the mask which conceals the +workings of the spirit life became partly transparent and luminous, and I +seemed to see poetic fancy and noble thoughts weaving their wondrous webs +back somewhere in the fastnesses of the soul. And then I glanced around +at the other occupants of the car; and, fancy being alert, all their +faces reminded me of so many masks, with the real individual sheltered +behind in its own secure fastness, and all the while industriously +weaving the web of life; always vigilant, ever throwing the shuttle; +whether wisely or foolishly, only the resultant action could determine. +But the faces grew indistinct; the steady movement back and forth of the +writer's hand no longer interested me, for I was asleep. I do not know +how long I had slept. My hat had slipped to the floor; my heavy coils of +hair, usually difficult to keep in proper control, had unloosened by the +constant motion of the car and fallen in heavy rings about my shoulders. +I opened my eyes suddenly to find that my guardian had put away his +writing, and was standing near, regarding me, I fancied, with a look +of displeasure. + +"I did not mean to fall asleep," I faltered, while I quickly coiled up my +hair, and put on my hat. + +"It is my fault you slept in this public place. I had forgotten about +you." + +I looked at him with an admiration almost amounting to awe, thinking how +engrossed he must have become in his own thoughts to have forgotten me so +perfectly; and then I speculated on the irony of fate in placing one so +unconventional as I under the care of a man so exceedingly fastidious. + +I was standing beside him. In my excitement, when awakening, I had +started to my feet, but with difficulty maintained my position; for my +head was dizzy with the sudden start from sound sleep, together with the +unaccustomed hour for traveling. Glancing at my watch, I saw that it was +past midnight. I think Mr. Winthrop noticed my weariness, for he said, +rather grimly: + +"It is too bad, having you out late two nights in succession." + +I remembered his gift for Mr. Bowen, and was silent. + +"At the next station we will be able to change cars for New York. The +conductor tells me we shall only be compelled to wait a short time." + +"I will rest then until we get there," I said, no doubt very wearily, for +I felt not only dizzy, but slightly faint, and sank into my chair. He +looked down at me, and then said, in more gentle fashion than he had ever +before addressed me: + +"I am very sorry, Medoline, to have caused you so much needless fatigue." + +I quite forgot my weariness then. It was so comforting to know he could +acknowledge regret for anything, and that his heart was not made of +flint, as, unconfessed to myself, I had partly imagined. + +I looked up brightly. "I do not know if I am not rather glad than sorry +that we have shown ourselves such forgetful travelers. It will be +something unusual to remember." + +"That is a very kindly way to look on my forgetfulness--rather, I should +say, stupidity." He sat down then, and the short remaining distance we +passed in silence. + +We were both very prompt in responding to the summons given by the +conductor when our station was reached. The waiting-room was well lighted +and warmed, and a welcome odor of food pervaded the air. I resolved to +make a little foray on my own account, to secure, if possible, a bit of +luncheon; but, after seeing me comfortably seated by a hot stove, Mr. +Winthrop left, only to return in a few moments with the welcome +announcement that refreshments were awaiting us. I expressed my surprise +that food should be in readiness at that unseasonable hour. + +"Oh, I telegraphed an hour ago to have it prepared," he replied. + +"Then I was sleeping a good while," I said, ruefully. + +"An hour or two. I only wakened you in time to collect yourself for +changing cars." + +"And you have not slept at all?" + +"Scarcely. I do not permit myself that luxury in public." + +I was silenced, but not so far crushed as to lose my appetite. A cup of +tea, such as Mrs. Flaxman never brewed for me, effectually banished sleep +for the rest of the night. The journey back was tiresome, the car +crowded, and the long night seemed interminable. I was wedged in beside a +stout old gentleman, whose breath was disagreeably suggestive of stale +brandy, while a wheezy cough disturbed him as well as myself. He looked +well to do, and was inclined to be friendly; but his eyes had a peculiar +expression that repelled me. Mr. Winthrop had got a seat some distance +behind me. By twisting my neck uncomfortably, I could get a reassuring +glimpse of his broad shoulders and handsome face. At last he came to +me. I half rose, for my aged companion was making me nervous with his +anxiety for my comfort. + +"We will go into the next car; it may not be so crowded," he said, taking +my satchel. Fortunately we found a vacant seat; and I began to feel very +safe and content with him again at my side. + +"I do not think your late traveling companion could have been a widower, +or you would not have been so eager to get away. The look of appeal on +your face, when I got an occasional glimpse of it, was enough to melt +one's heart." + +I laughed in spite of myself. "It never occurred to me to ask, but he +certainly is not a woman hater," I said, with a flush, as I mentally +recalled some of his gracious remarks. I made my replies in brief and +stately dignity; or at least as much of the latter as I could command, +but he was not easily repulsed. Feeling so secure and sheltered now, my +thoughts went out to the unprotected of my sex cast among the evil and +heartless, to fight their way purely amid bleakness and sin. I shuddered +unconsciously. Mr. Winthrop turned to me. + +"Are you cold?" he asked. + +"Oh, no, I was only thinking," I stammered. + +"I would cease thinking if the thoughts were so blood-curdling. May I ask +what they were?" + +"I was pitying poor girls who have to make their way alone in this wicked +world." + +He was silent for some time, and then said gravely: "Your instincts are +very keen. That gray-haired gentleman happens to be a person I know +something about, and his very presence is enough to contaminate." + +I was amazed that he so easily understood my meaning. The sun was +reddening the sky, which seemed so pure and still compared with the +sinful, noisy city that, for an instant, a homesick longing seized me to +escape to its clear, beautiful depths. When we reached the hotel I was +cold, and feeling very cheerless; but a comfortable looking maid, not +half so overwhelming as our Esmerelda, conducted me to a pleasant room, +and soon had a bright fire burning, and a cozy breakfast spread on a +little table just in front of the grate. I was not hungry, but I took the +cup of hot chocolate Mr. Winthrop had ordered, and nibbled a bit of +toast; and then, drawing an easy-chair in front of the fire, soon fell +into a luxurious sleep, from which I did not waken for several hours. The +maid came in occasionally to replenish the fire, but her light movements +did not disturb me. Afterward I found the hotel was not a public one, but +a private affair, patronized mainly by a number of old families whose +parents and children had come and gone for nearly half a century. The +room I occupied, Mrs. Flaxman told me, was the very one my own dear +mother had occupied as a bride; and hence Mr. Winthrop had secured it for +me. It was the best in the house, I found later on. That evening, after +I had wakened refreshed, and eager to see and hear all that was possible +in this new wonderland, Mrs. Flaxman, still a little nervous after her +journey and anxiety on my account, came and sat with me; and to atone +for keeping me in the house, told me stories of that beautiful, far-away +time when she had seen my mother in that same room in the first joy of +wifehood, and described my father as the proud, happy bridegroom, gazing +with more than a lover's fondness on the beautiful girl who had left all +for him, and yet in the renunciation had found no sacrifice. She +described the rich silken gown with its rare, old lace, and the diamonds +she wore at her first party in New York. "Mr. Winthrop has them, your +mother's diamonds and all her jewelry. In being an only child like +yourself, she inherited all her own mother's. They are all safely stored +at his bankers, and I think he means to give them to you soon, or at +least a part of them." + +"I did not know I had any except what I brought with me from school," I +said, with a shade of regret to be so long in ignorance of such a +pleasant fact. Mrs. Flaxman smiled as she asked: + +"Did you never hear your schoolmates talk of the family plate and +jewelry?" + +"Oh, yes; there were a few stupid ones who had very little brains to be +proud of; so they used to try and make up for the lack by telling us +about such things; but we reckoned a good essay writer worth a good deal +more than these plate owners." + +"There must have been great changes since I was at school. I believe the +rising generation is developing a nobler ambition than their predecessors +possessed." + +"I should hope so," I said, with girlish scorn; "as if such mere +accidents as birth and the ownership of plate and jewelry could give one +higher rank than intellect. Why, I believe that is the scarcest thing in +all the universe." + +"It does seem ridiculous," Mrs. Flaxman said reflectively, "but it is +hard escaping from the spirit of the age in which we live. It would be +easy to hold such things lightly in those heroic days in Greece when +Lycurgus cheapened the gold and things the masses held most precious." + +"One can have a little republic in their own soul as well as Lycurgus, +and indulge unforced in high thinking. I think that would be really more +creditable than if every one agreed to do so by act of senate." + +"It would be a grand thing for every one to get the dross all burned away +from their nature and only have the pure gold left." + +"Don't you think, Mrs. Flaxman, with a good many people, after the +burning process, there would be so little left it would take a whole +flock of them to make a decent sized individual?" + +She laughed softly. "I never thought of it in that way. I am afraid now +I will get to undressing my acquaintances, to try and find out how much +that will be fit to take into higher existences they have in their +composition." + +"Mr. Winthrop is a very uncomfortable sort of person to live with, but I +think he will have more noble qualities to carry somewhere after death +than the average of my acquaintances. What a pity it is for such splendid +powers of mind to be lost! He has the materials in him to make a grand +angel." + +Mrs. Flaxman looked up quickly. + +"You cannot think it is his ultimate destiny to be lost?" she questioned. + +"He doesn't believe in the Bible. What hope can he have that we will ever +get to heaven?" + +"A multitude of prayers are piled between him and perdition. His mother +was a saintly character, whose dying breath was a prayer for him; and +there are others who have taken his case daily to the mercy seat for +years." + +"I wish I had some one to pray for me," I said rather fretfully. + +"My dear, I do not know any one who has more leisure to pray for +themselves than you have." + +I was surprised to hear her speak so lightly on such a solemn subject; +but as I thought the matter over afterward, I could but acknowledge that +she had answered me just as I deserved. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +NEW ACQUAINTANCES. + + +Mrs. Flaxman's fears were realized. She was detained from her pickles and +preserves for over a fortnight; but the days spent then in the city were +an entirely new revelation of life to me. Mr. Winthrop had a circle of +literary friends, who seemed determined to make his stay so pleasant +that he would not be in a hurry to return to the solitude of Oaklands. +When I saw his keen enjoyment of their society, and the many varied +privileges he had in that brief period--musical, artistic, and literary, +I was filled with surprise that he should make his home at Oaklands at +all, and expressed my wonder to Mrs. Flaxman. + +"Oh, he often goes away--sometimes to Europe, and sometimes to the great +American centres of thought and life; then he comes home apparently glad +of its quiet and freedom from interruption. I think he uses up all the +raw experiences and ideas he gets when away." + +I thought her reply over, and wondered if it was the usual habit of +literary people to go out on those foraging expeditions and bring back +material to be used up in weeks of solitude. We were either out among +friends, at concerts, lectures, evening gatherings, or else receiving Mr. +Winthrop's particular friends at our hotel, every evening. I enjoyed +those evenings at home, I think, the very best of all. We sat late, +supper being served about midnight--a plain, sensible repast that, with +a man of Mr. Winthrop's means, might certainly betoken high thinking. +However, the intellectual repast served to us reminded me of the feasts +of the gods, or even better, in old Homeric times. There were condensed +thoughts that often kept me puzzling over their meanings long after their +words had died on the air. Mrs. Flaxman sat, a mostly silent listener, +but in no wise showing weariness at the lateness of the hour, or mental +strain imposed in following such abstract lines of thought. I too +listened silently, save in reply to some direct remark, but with pained, +growing thoughts, that often left me utterly weary when the little +company dispersed. I would often stop listening and fall into vague, +hopeless speculations as to the number of centuries that must elapse +before I could overtake them. Saddest fancy of all was that my powers +might be too limited even to do this. Our daylight hours were, in great +measure, passed in making and receiving calls from Mrs. Flaxman's +friends, who seemed very quick to find out she was there, and in visiting +the huge dressmaking and dry goods establishments which she patronized. I +found it quite difficult, at times, to reconcile the fact that those we +met by day were, in the main, created in the same mental likeness as +those I listened to with such admiration in the evening. I used to close +my eyes at times and fancy the old heathen, mythology to be true, and +that the gods were actually revisiting the earth, and bringing with them +the high conceptions from Olympus, I was able more clearly than ever to +recognize how high were Mr. Winthrop's ideals, so far as this world goes, +of human excellence and, with deepest humiliation, remembered how far I +must have come short of his lowest standards. I went to Mrs. Flaxman with +this new and painful discovery, and as usual, she brought her +consolation. + +"Very few can hope to attain such excellence of culture and intellect as +these men possess. You and I ought to be grateful to our Creator if he +has given us brain power sufficient to appreciate and comprehend their +words. I know it has given Mr. Winthrop deep satisfaction to see you so +interested in their conversation." + +"How do you know that?" I asked, pleased at her words. + +"I look at him sometimes while you get so absorbed listening that you +seem to forget everything; and I see the gratified expression of his +face while he watches you. I know it would be a disappointment to him if +you should develop into a fashionable, feather-headed woman." + +"Or a widow-helping philanthropist," I said, laughing. + +"Of the two, he would prefer the latter." + +"But neither would be his ideal." + +"I am not altogether certain of that; but I do know he holds in strong +dislike a woman who simply exists to follow the fashions, no matter how +attractive she may be." + +"I am ashamed to say I like getting new things, especially when they are +becoming," I said, a little shamefacedly. + +"I am sure you would get tired of a perpetual round of new hats and +frocks, and trying them on, I am not apt to be mistaken in a person." + +"But it is vastly easier to think of harmonious colors and combinations +of dry goods, than it is to puzzle over those knotty subjects we listen +to here in the evening, or to translate Chopin or Wagner, or the other +great masters." + +"But once mastering any of these, the pleasure arising therefrom gives +satisfaction to a noble cast of mind that a whole gallery of Worth's +choicest costumes could not produce." + +"Solomon said: Much study is a weariness of the flesh." + +"Solomon was an intellectual dyspeptic. But granting that it is a +weariness, it is something that pays well for the weariness." + +"If all the world were to come to Mr. Winthrop's way of thinking, it +would be a sad thing for the dressmakers." + +"Not necessarily. They would still be needed, but they would do the +thinking about what would best suit the style of their respective +customers; and the latter would be left free of that special task, +to devote their minds to their own interior furnishing." + +"Ah, you describe a second Utopia, or the golden age. A few in each +generation might reach that clear, chill region of sublime thought; but +the rank and file of womankind, and perhaps of mankind, would despise +them as cranks." + +"But if they had something vastly better than the respect of the careless +and uncultured, need they mind what these would say?" + +"Possibly not; but in most women's hearts there is an innate love of +adornment, and the art they will not relegate very willingly to others." + +"I did not think you cared so much for dress." + +"You and Mr. Winthrop are putting the strongest temptations in my way, +and then expect that I shall calmly turn my dazzled eyes inwards upon +the unfurnished, empty spaces of my own mind." + +"You seemed to care almost too little for elegance of attire, I thought." + +"What the eyes do not see the heart never longs for. But glossy velvets, +shimmering silks, with colors perfected from the tints of the rainbow; +laces that are a marvel of fineness and beauty; and gems that might +dazzle older heads than mine, thrown recklessly in my way, could any +young creature fond of pretty things turn away from them, with the +indifference of a wrinkled philosopher? I should have staid at Oaklands, +and saved my money for the Mill Road folk." + +"You must have the temptation, if you are to have the credit of +overcoming it." + +"Is there not a wonderful petition left for us by One who knows all +things? 'Lead us not into temptation.'" + +"I do not think this is a parallel case. God's way with His people, ever +since Eve was denied the fruit in Eden, has been to prove them by +temptation. His promise that there shall, with the temptation, be a way +of escape, is what we need to claim." + +"My way of escape will be to go back to Oaklands, where an occasional tea +party will be the most dangerous allurement to vanity in my way." + +"But you will not always remain there. Mr. Winthrop will not be so remiss +in his duty as your guardian as to bury you there. Marriage, and a +judicious settlement in life, are among the probabilities of your near +future." + +My cheeks crimsoned; for marriage was one of the tabooed subjects of +conversation at Madame Buhlman's. Only in the solitude of our own rooms +did we dare to converse on such a topic. But no doubt we wove our +romances as industriously, and dreamed our dreams of the beautiful, +impossible future stretching beyond our dim horizons, as eagerly as if +we had been commanded to spend a certain portion of each day in its +contemplation. + +Mrs. Flaxman noticed my embarrassment, and, after a few moments +said:--"Perhaps the fairy prince has already claimed his own." + +I laughed lightly, but still felt ill at ease as I said: "I have never +met him, and begin to doubt if he has an existence." + +"He is sure to come, soon or late; probably too soon to please me. +I shall miss you sadly when you go away from us." + +I knelt beside her chair, a lump gathering in my throat, and my slow +coming tears ready to drop. + +"I do not know why you should miss me, but it makes me so glad to hear +you say so. I have no one to really love me in the wide, wide world, that +is, whose love I can claim as a right, and sometimes the thought makes me +desolate." + +She sat for awhile silently stroking my hair. + +"I do not think yours will be a desolate, or lonely life, Medoline. It +is only the selfish who are punished in that way. The blessing of those +about the perish will overtake you, making the shadowy places in your +life bright." + +"But there are no perishing ones conveniently near for me to save. I am +of little more use in the world than a humming bird." + +"Already some of the Mill Road folk have been comforted by you. You +remember it is recorded of the Mary of Bethany; 'She hath done what she +could.' For that act of gratitude to the Master, her memory will be +cherished long after the sun is cold. We do not know if somewhere all our +minutest acts of unselfishness are not recorded, to be met with one day +with glad surprise on our part." + +"I would rather be so remembered," I said with eager longing, "than to be +a Cleopatra or Helen of Troy." + +"In what way is that?" Mr. Winthrop asked, as he stood looking down at me +from behind Mrs. Flaxman's chair. I sprang to my feet in consternation. +"We did not hear you enter," I faltered, very much ashamed to be found in +such a childish attitude. + +"I know that, since I would not have been just now admitted to your +confidence." + +I wheeled him up an arm chair, and stirred the fire very industriously, +hoping thereby to divert his attention. He sat down quietly. His massive +head laid back against the rich, dark leather seemed to bring the +features out in stronger relief; the fire light falling uncertainly on +his face, but enabling me to note distinctly its expectant look. I went +to the window and stood for sometime watching the passers by in the +street, thinking thus to pass away the time until Mr. Winthrop should +forget to further question me; but he suddenly startled me by coming +towards the window where I stood, and saying: + +"You have not answered my question." + +"The remark was only intended for Mrs. Flaxman's ears, and was of no +importance, any way." + +"Mrs. Flaxman then will enlighten me as to the bent of your ambition," he +said, quite too authoritatively for my liking, and turned towards her. + +"Our conversation drifted to personal endeavor. We were talking of many +things, when Medoline, just as you came in, expressed the wish to be +helpful to others rather than to shine in cold and stately splendor." + +"Ah, yes. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy were excellent illustrations of the +splendor. I am glad she is able to avail herself of her classical studies +in conversation." + +I looked mutely at Mrs. Flaxman, but she was gazing intently into the +burning coals, with a slight flush on her face, caused, I knew, by Mr. +Winthrop's words. A few moments after I glanced at my guardian. His eyes +were closed, the lines of his face looked hard and stern. I wondered if +it never softened even in sleep, or did it always wear that look that +some way brought to my mind the old Vikings of the frozen north. + +Mrs. Flaxman presently arose saying it was time for us to dress for the +concert. Mr. Winthrop looked up to say he had secured us an escort, and +would not accompany us. + +"I thought you particularly admired Beethoven's Ninth Symphony," I +exclaimed, with surprise. + +"I do not think that crowd of amateurs will do much; although Bovyer +gives them great praise. I would as soon hear that Larkum baby crowing as +to hear such a masterpiece mangled." + +"Some passages will be well rendered, surely." + +"What matter, if one is all the time dreading a discord? I shall expect, +however, a full account of the performance from you." + +"I have already heard this symphony rendered by the court musicians in +Belgium. I had no heart to practice my lessons for weeks after." + +"And why not?" + +"It seemed useless for me to waste time or money over an art so far +beyond my powers to master." + +His face softened, while he arose from his chair and came a few steps +nearer to me. + +"Only one or two human beings, so far as we know, have had musical +powers equal to Beethoven. Most men are satisfied if they can perform +harmoniously his creations." + +"I could never do that. I might by years of hard study get so far as to +strike the correct notes, but the soul and expression would elude me, +simply because I have not brain power sufficient to comprehend them. A +thrush would be foolish to emulate the nightingale." + +"Yes but some one might be gladdened by its own simple note," he said, +gently. + +I was silent, while his words sank comfortably in my heart. + +Looking up, at last, I caught his eye. + +"I will try to be satisfied with my thrush's note, and make the best of +it." + +"That is right, but make sure that you are not any better song bird than +the thrush, before you rest satisfied with its simple accomplishment." + +Very earnestly and sincerely I promised him to do my best, and then +followed Mrs. Flaxman from the room. Our escort proved to be Mr. Bovyer, +a grave man, not so young as Mr. Winthrop, and who had a genuine passion +for classic music. I fancied from his name and partiality for German +composers that he must be either directly or remotely of Teutonic origin. +Beethoven was his great favorite. He averred that the latter had +penetrated further into the mysteries of music than any other human +being. He seemed transformed while we sat listening to the great waves +of harmony bewildering our senses; for, notwithstanding Mr. Winthrop's +prophecy, the concert was a success. He had a stolid face. One might +take him almost for a retired, well-to-do butcher; but when the air was +pulsating with delicious sounds, his face lighted up and grew positively +handsome. + +"I wonder how you will endure the music of the immortals, that God +listens to, if you get with the saved by and bye?" I said, impulsively. + +He shook his head doubtfully, but gave me at the same time a look of +surprise. + +"I do not ask for anything better than Beethoven," he replied quietly. + +Some way I felt saddened. The Creator was so much beyond the highest +object of his creative skill, even though that is or might be one so +gloriously endowed as Beethoven; it seemed strange that a thinking, +intellectual being would grasp the less when he might lay hold on the +greater. I glanced around on the gay, richly-dressed throng--pretty +women in garments as harmonious in form and color almost as the music +that was thrilling at least some of us; some of them fair enough, I +fancied, to be walking in a better world than ours; then, by some strange +freak of the imagination, I fell to thinking of the poverty and sorrow, +and breaking hearts all about us, until the music seemed to change to a +minor chord; and away back of all other sounds I seemed to hear the sob +and moan of the dying and broken-hearted. Perhaps some new chord had been +touched in my own heart that had never before responded to human things; +for in spite of myself I sat and wept with a full, aching heart. I tried +to shield my face with my fan and at last regained my composure, and +tried, in sly fashion, to dry my eyes with the bit of lace I called my +handkerchief, and which I found a very poor substitute for the +substantial lawn hitherto used. At last I regained my composure +sufficiently to look up, when I found Mr. Bovyer regarding me keenly. He +glanced away, but after that his manner grew sympathetic, and on our way +home he said, + +"I am glad to know you can understand great musical conceptions." + +"I found it very, very sad. I scarce ever realized how much pain there +might be in this world, as for a little while I did to-night." + +"The tears were sorrowful then, and not glad?" he said, gently. + +"My tears are always that. I cannot conceive a joy so great as to make me +weep." + +"Your heart is not fully wakened yet, some day you will understand; but +be thankful you can understand a part. Not many at your age feel the +master's touch so keenly." When we said good-night, he asked permission +to call next day. I waited for Mrs. Flaxman to reply, and turned to her, +seeing she hesitated. She smiled and I could see answered for me. + +"We shall be happy to see you. Mr. Winthrop receives his friends, I +believe, to-morrow evening." As we went to our rooms she said:--"Won't +it be wonderful if you have captivated Mr. Bovyer's heart?--I am sure Mr. +Winthrop considered him a safe escort, so far as love entanglements +were concerned." + +"That old man thinking of love! He looks as if he thought much more of +his dinner than anything else." + +"Probably he does bestow some attention on it; but he is not old, at +least not more than six and thirty. Beside he is a very clever man--a +musical critic and good writer; in fact, one of Mr. Winthrop's most +intimate friends." + +"That, I presume, speaks volumes in his favor," I said, perhaps with a +touch of sarcasm in my voice. + +"Yes; Mr. Winthrop is an unerring judge of character; that is, of late +years." + +"Well, I would nearly as soon think of marrying Daniel Blake as this Mr. +Bovyer. I have never been in love, but I have an idea what it is," I +said, following Mrs. Flaxman to her room. + +"But Mr. Bovyer might teach you. Did you ever read Shakespeare's +Midsummer Night's Dream?" + +"Oh, yes; and of Titania and Bottom of course, but that was only a +dream--Mr. Bovyer is a very solid reality. But I must not stay here +gossiping. Mr. Winthrop will be waiting for my description of the music." + +I slipped into my own room to lay aside my wraps, still smiling over Mrs. +Flaxman's childish ideas respecting Mr. Bovyer in the _rôle_ of a lover, +and also a little troubled about the wording of the report I was expected +to give. His smile would be more sarcastic than ever, if I confessed my +tears; and, alas, I had but little other impression to convey of the +majestic harmonies than one of profound sadness. I glanced into my +mirror; the picture reflected back startled me. In the handsome gown, +with the same gems that had once enhanced my mother's charms, the +transformation wrought was considerable; but my eyes were shining with a +deep, unusual brilliancy, and a new expression caused by the influences +of the evening had changed my face almost beyond my own recognition. I +went down to the parlor where I found Mr. Winthrop absorbed in his book. +I stood near waiting for him to look, but he remained unconscious of my +presence. I went to the fireside. On the mantle I noticed, for the first +time, a bust of the great master whose music had just been echoing so +mournfully in my ears. I took it in my hand and went nearer the light, +soon as absorbed in studying the indrawn melancholy face as was my +guardian over his book. When I looked at him his book was closed, and his +eyes regarding me attentively. + +"Do you recognize the face?" + +"Oh, yes. I wonder he looks like other men." + +"Why should he look differently?" + +"Because he was different. I wonder what his thoughts were when he was +writing that symphony?" I held the bust off reflectively. + +"Did you enjoy your evening's entertainment?" + +"Yes and no,--I wish you had been there, Mr. Winthrop. Please don't ask +me to describe it." + +"I will get a description of how you received it then from Bovyer--he +could tell me better than you. He reads faces so well, I sometimes have a +fear he sees too far beneath our mask." + +"I don't want to see him any more then," I said impetuously. + +"Why not?" + +"I do not want my soul to be scrutinized by strange eyes, any more than +you do, Mr. Winthrop." + +"How do you know that I object?" + +"Did you not say just now you had a fear he saw too deeply into us?" + +"Possibly. I was speaking in a general way--meant humanity at large, +rather than my own individual self." + +"Would you care if I could see all the thoughts and secrets of your soul +just at this moment, Mr. Winthrop?" I said, taking a step nearer, and +looking intently into his eyes, which returned my look with one equally +penetrating. + +"No, Medoline. You, least of any one I know," he said, quietly. I looked +at him with surprise--perhaps a trifle grieved. + +"Does that offend you?" he asked after a pause. + +"It wounds me; for I am your friend." + +"I am glad of that, little one." + +"Glad that you have given me pain?" I asked, with an odd feeling as if I +wanted to burst into a fit of childish weeping. + +He left his chair and came to my side. + +"Why do you look so sorrowful, Medoline? I meant that it gave me pleasure +that you were my friend. I did not think that you cared for me." + +"I am surprised at myself for caring so much for you when you are so hard +on me. I suppose it is because you are my guardian, and I have no one +else, scarcely, to love." I was beginning to think I must either escape +hastily to my room, or apply the bit of cobweb lace once more to my eyes, +which, if I could judge from my feelings, would soon be saturated with my +tears. + +"I did not think I was hard on you," he said, gently. "I have been afraid +lest I was humoring your whims too much; but unselfishness, and thought +for the poor, have been such rare traits in the characteristics of my +friends, I have not had a heart hard enough to interfere with your +instincts." + +Here was an entirely new revelation to me; I bethought me of Mrs. +Flaxman's remark a short time before, and repeated it to him. + +"I do not think I shall ever have paternal feelings towards you, +Medoline, I am not old enough for that. Tell Mrs. Flaxman, if she speaks +that way again, I am not anxious for her to fasten in your heart filial +affection for me." + +"But we may be just as much to each other as if you were my own father?" +I pleaded. + +"Quite as much," he said, with emphasis. I forgot my tears; for some way +my heart had got so strangely light and glad, tears seemed an unnecessary +incumbrance; and even the thought that had been awaked by the disturbing +harmonies of Beethoven's majestic conceptions were folded peacefully away +in their still depths again. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +ALONE WITH HIS DEAD. + + +At breakfast Mr. Winthrop was more insistent in his curiosity about the +concert of the previous evening. Mrs. Flaxman assured him that we were +all agreeably disappointed in our evening's entertainment. + +"Mr. Bovyer was especially charmed with Medoline's appreciation of his +favorite composer. He asked permission to call on her to-day." + +He gave me a keen glance, saying: "I hope you did not grow too +enthusiastic. One need not hang out a placard to prove we can comprehend +the intricate and profound." + +Mrs. Flaxman answered hastily for me. + +"No, indeed; she was too quiet; and only Mr. Bovyer and myself detected +the tears dropping behind her fan. But Mr. Bovyer seemed gratified at the +meaning he read from them." + +My face was burning; but after a few seconds' silence I stole a glance +at Mr. Winthrop. He was apparently absorbed in his breakfast, and +Beethoven's Symphonies were not mentioned in his presence until evening, +when Mr. Bovyer, true to his appointment, sat chatting for two or three +hours with Mr. Winthrop and his other guests. As usual, I sat a silent +listener, comprehending readily a good many things that were said; but +some of the conversation took me quite beyond my depth. I found Mr. +Bovyer could grow eloquent over his favorite topics, which, from his +phlegmatic appearance, surprised me. He seemed thoroughly acquainted +with other subjects than music, and I noticed that even Mr. Winthrop +listened to his remarks with deference. Before the evening closed Mr. +Winthrop asked him for some music. He complied so readily that I fell to +contrasting his unaffected manner with that of lady musicians who, as a +rule, take so much coaxing to gratify their friends' desire for music, +and their own vanity at the same time. I noticed Mr. Winthrop settling +back into his favorite position in his arm-chair--his head thrown back +and eyes closed. Mrs. Flaxman took up her fan and held it as if shielding +her eyes from the light. I discovered afterward it was merely a pretext +to conceal the emotion Mr. Bovyer usually awakened when she listened to +his music. + +His first touch on the piano arrested me, and I turned around to watch +his face. I recognized the air--the opening passage from Haydn's +Creation. I was soon spellbound, as were all the rest. Mrs. Flaxman laid +down her fan; there were no melting passages to bring tears in this +symphony, descriptive of primeval darkness, and confusion of the +elements, the evil spirits hurrying away from the glad, new light into +their native regions of eternal night--the thunder and storm and +elemental terrors. Presently I turned to Mr. Winthrop. He was sitting +erect in his chair, his eyes no longer closed in languorous enjoyment; +when suddenly the measure changed to that delicious passage descriptive +of the creation of birds. Mr. Bovyer's voice was a trifle too deep and +powerful for the air, but it was sympathetic and rarely musical. + +He ended as abruptly as he began and glided off into one of those old +English glees,--"Hail, Smiling Morn." + +Presently turning around he asked: "Are you tired?" + +"We have failed to take note of the flight of time; pray go on," Mr. +Winthrop urged. + +"What do you say, Miss Selwyn?" + +"I would like if you could make Mr. Winthrop cry. If you tried very hard, +you might touch his fountain of tears." + +"Bravo! I will try," he exclaimed amid the general laugh. He touched the +keys, and then pausing a moment, left the instrument. + +"I am not in the mood to-night for such a difficult task. I may make the +attempt some stormy winter's night at Oaklands. I believe I have a +standing invitation there," he said, joining us around the fire. + +Mr. Winthrop threw me an amazed look, but instantly recovering himself he +said heartily:--"The invitation holds good during the term of our natural +lives. The sooner it is accepted the more delighted we shall be." + +Mr. Bovyer bowed his thanks, and coming to my side asked if I would care +to attend another concert the following evening. + +"It depends on what the music is to be. I am not so sensitive as Mr. +Winthrop to a few false notes now and then. The composer has more power +to give me pain than the performers, I believe." + +"I should say, then, that your comprehension of music was more subtle +than his." + +"I do not pretend to compare myself with Mr. Winthrop in any way. It +would be like the minnow claiming fellowship with the leviathan." + +Mr. Winthrop suggested very politely:-- + +"Humility is becoming until it grows abject." + +"Your guardian is an incorrigible bachelor. Ladies do not get the +slightest mercy from him," Mr. Bovyer remarked. + +"I have ceased to look for any," I said, with an evenness of voice that +surprised me. + +"I am glad to find myself in such good company," Mr. Winthrop said, with +a graceful bend of the head, which included each of his guests in the +list of single blessed ones. + +"Are you all going to be old bachelors?" I asked, forgetting myself in +the surprise of the moment. + +"I am not aware that we are all irrevocably committed to that terrible +fate," Mr. Bovyer said, as he united in the general smile at my expense. + +"It might be more terrible for some of your wives than if you remained +single. I think some persons are fore-ordained to live single." I looked +steadily in the fire lest my eyes might betray too much. + +"Do you imagine those blighted lives are confined solely to one sex?" Mr. +Winthrop blandly inquired. + +"Oh, no; nature does not confine her oddities to one sex; but a woman can +better conceal the lack of a human heart and sympathies." + +"You mean they are better actresses?" + +"Yes, I think so." + +"I must tell you, gentlemen, this little ward of mine is a natural +philanthropist. You would be amazed to see how she sympathizes with +widows and the broken-hearted of both sexes. I have been forced to limit +her charities to a certain yearly amount lest her husband may one day +call me to account for her wasted means." + +"It is the most beautiful trait in womankind." Mr. Bovyer responded, +heartily, just as a passionate retort had sprung to my lips. The second's +interruption gave me time to regain my self-control; but the color flamed +over brow and cheek as I rose and walked to the farther end of the room +and stood turning over the leaves of a book lying on the table. I could +still hear what was said and was surprised that Mr. Winthrop turned the +conversation so cleverly into other channels. It was growing late, and +before long the guests retired. Mr. Bovyer, as he shook hands with me, +said: "You have not answered my question yet. Will you come to the +Philharmonic to-morrow evening?" + +I looked to Mr. Winthrop for a reply. + +"I think you must deny yourself that pleasure, as we shall probably go +home to-morrow." + +"So soon?" I asked with surprise. + +"The time I limited myself to expired yesterday. We can return this +winter, and complete any unfinished business or pleasure that you now +leave undone." + +"My business is finished. It happens to be a pleasure to return to +Oaklands." + +I murmured my thanks to Mr. Bovyer, and withdrew the hand he was still +holding. + +When we were at last alone, Mrs. Flaxman drew her chair near the fire and +settling back comfortably as if she were in no hurry to retire, said very +seriously:--"This is unexpected--our going home to-morrow." + +"I am afraid Bovyer is about making an ass of himself. Strange what +weaknesses come over strong men sometimes! He was the last I should +have expected such a thing from," Mr. Winthrop said. + +"Was it fear of this that sends you home so abruptly?" Mrs. Flaxman +asked, with a look of amusement. + +"One reason." + +"He would be a very good _parti_; only a little too old, perhaps." + +"What are you thinking of? I shall not let that child get entangled for +years." He said, almost angrily. + +"What has Mr. Bovyer done?" I inquired, a good deal mystified. + +"You are too young to have everything explained. I want you to keep your +child's heart for a good many years yet." + +"What a pity young people cannot keep the child's heart until they get +some good out of life. Not begin at once with its storms and passions," +Mrs. Flaxman remarked, in a moralizing tone. + +"Do you mean falling in love, Mrs. Flaxman?" + +"Possibly that was what I meant, but it is to be a tabooed topic with you +for some years yet, Mr. Winthrop decides." + +"You have been unusually fortunate in that respect, Mr. Winthrop. I +used to think every one fell in love before they came to your age." Mrs. +Flaxman glanced at him with a pained, startled look which I did not +understand. I noticed that his face though grave was unruffled; but he +made me no reply. + +I could not explain the reason, but I felt grieved that I had made the +remark, and slipped quietly out of the room without my usual good-night. + +The next day we left for home. Mr. Winthrop was not fortunate in meeting +friends; so he sat beside us. I would have preferred being alone with +Mrs. Flaxman, without the restraint of his society. We had not been able +on that train to secure a parlor car, for which I was very glad. There +seemed more variety and wider types of humanity in the plainer car, and I +liked to study the different groups and indulge in my dreams concerning +them. My attention was suddenly attracted, at a station we were +approaching, by a hearse and funeral procession apparently waiting for +us. The cars moving along presently hid them from my view, and my +attention was suddenly distracted from this melancholy spectacle by the +unusual circumstance of a man coming alone into the car with an infant in +his arms. The cars scarcely paused, and while I watched to see the mother +following her baby the brakeman came in with an armfull of shawls, +satchels, and baskets. The baby soon began to cry; when it was pitiful to +watch the poor fellow's futile efforts to hush its wailings, while he +tossed over the parcels apparently in search of something; but the baby's +cries continued to increase in volume, and the missing article, whatever +it was, refused to turn up. + +Mr. Winthrop cast a look on it that might have annihilated a much +stronger specimen of humanity; but the father, as I supposed him to be, +intercepted the wrathful gaze, and his face, already sorrowful looking, +became more distressed than ever. + +I waited impatiently for some older woman to go to his relief; but men +and women alike seemed to regard the little waif with displeasure; so at +last slipping swiftly out of my seat lest Mr. Winthrop might intercept +me, I went straight to the poor fellow's relief. + +"What is the matter with the baby?" I asked, as sympathetically as I +could. + +"He is hungry, and they have taken his food by mistake, I am afraid, to +the baggage car." + +"May I take care of him while you go for it?" + +"If you only would, I would be so grateful." + +I sat down and he put the bit of vocality in my arms, and then hastened +after its dinner. I glanced towards Mr. Winthrop. I fancied that his face +expressed volumes of shocked proprieties; so I quickly withdrew my gaze, +since it was not at all comforting, and devoted myself exclusively to the +poor little baby. Its clothing had got all awry, its hands were blue with +cold, and the tears from its pretty, blurred eyes were running in a +copious stream. I dried its face, took off its cap and cloak, and got its +garments nicely straightened out, and then to complete the cure, for want +of something better, gave it my long suffering watch to nibble. The +little creature may have recognized the soothing effect of a woman's +hands, or it may have been the bright tick, tick which it was gazing at +now with pleased expression, and with its untutored tongue was already +trying to imitate. What the cause was I could not say; but when the +father returned, silence reigned in the car so far as his offspring was +concerned. His face brightened perceptibly. "It does seem as if a baby +knew a woman's touch," he said, with such a sigh of relief. + +"They know when their clothes are comfortable and their hands warm." + +"His mother always attended to him. He and I were only playfellows." + +"Where is his mother now?" I asked, no longer able to restrain my +curiosity. + +"In the freight room." His eyes filled with tears. + +"Was it her coffin I saw in the hearse awhile ago?" + +"Yes." + +"Oh I am so sorry;" and I too burst into tears. He busied himself getting +a spirit lamp lighted, and soon the baby's milk was simmering, and almost +before good humor had been restored throughout the car the baby had +comfortably dined, and gone off into a refreshing slumber. I made him a +snug little bed out of rugs and shawls, and laid him down in blissful +unconsciousness of the cold, still form, even more unconscious than he, +in the adjoining freight room. + +The passengers as well as Mr. Winthrop had been watching me curiously, +and my sudden burst of tears had mystified them. + +Once the baby was nicely settled to its nap I returned to my seat. Mrs. +Flaxman eagerly asked why there was no woman to look after the baby. +I saw Mr. Winthrop listening, as if interested also in the strange +phenomenon of a man in attendance alone on an infant. + +"The mother is in the freight room." + +"What?" Mrs. Flaxman asked, looking a trifle alarmed. + +"She is in her coffin." My lip trembled, and with difficulty I restrained +my tears once more. + +"How dreadful!" she murmured, and presently I saw her wiping away her own +tears. + +"And you were the only one brave enough to go to him in his trouble. +Medoline, I am proud of you, but ashamed of myself." + +"I couldn't help going; he looked so distressed, and I could see he +wasn't fit to look after the baby. Men are so useless about such things," +I said, giving Mr. Winthrop a humorous glance. + +"Another case of widowers," Mr. Winthrop whispered, as he bent his head +near to mine; but I saw that he too was not unmoved, and the look he +bestowed upon me was equal to a caress. + +"I am going to speak to that poor man myself." Mrs. Flaxman said very +energetically, after she had got her eyes dried. + +She went, but very soon I saw her handkerchief in active service again. +They sat chatting a long time, while all the passengers seemed to have a +growing interest in their fellow traveller and his little charge. The +latter wakened while Mrs. Flaxman was still lingering beside the bereaved +father. It cried at first; but she soon got him so comfortable and +content, that he was laughing and cooing into the wintry looking faces of +his father and new nurse. I wanted to have the dear little fellow in my +own arms, he had such a bright, intelligent face, and his smile was so +sunny; but I could not muster courage to go and ask for him. + +Mrs. Flaxman probably noticed my wistful look, for she presently returned +to her own seat bringing him with her. She had scarcely left the father's +side when a white-haired, kindly-faced old gentleman at the farther end +of the car got up and came stumbling along, and took a seat beside him. +The poor fellow winced. He shrank, no doubt, from opening his wound +afresh for another stranger to probe. But there was something so +sympathetic in the old man's face, and the hearty shake of the hand that +he gave without even speaking, that I concluded he would do more good +than harm. After sitting a little while in silence, I overheard him +telling how he had heard of his trouble through the conductor. I had not +asked him anything about his wife's death, that seemed a grief too sacred +to explain to a perfect stranger; but he had told Mrs. Flaxman all, and I +sat listening with a strong desire to cry while she repeated the story to +us. + +"His wife died very suddenly," she said, "and they were all strangers +where they lived; but every one, he said, was so kind. He is taking his +baby home to his mother. They live a little way out of Cavendish. He said +he knew us; and was never so surprised at anything in his life as when +a beautiful young lady, like you, traveling, too, with Mr. Winthrop, came +and took his baby. Everybody was looking so crossly at the baby, he had +just begun to feel as if there was no sympathy for him in all this world +full of strangers; but, when you came, there was a great load taken off +his heart. I mean after this to be more on the watch to help others." + +"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, I thought that was one of your strongest +characteristics." + +"Don't ever say such a thing to me again, when if it had not been for a +tender-hearted child, with the very poorest possible opinion of herself, +we might have, amongst us, finished breaking that poor fellow's heart." + +"You will make her vain if you continue praising her so much," Mr. +Winthrop remonstrated. + +"She has not a natural tendency that way, and we have not helped to +foster her vanity; if we have erred, it has been in the other direction." + +"Please let us cease talking personalities. Why don't you admire and +talk about this lovely boy? Wouldn't you like to have us adopt him at +Oaklands, Mr. Winthrop?" + +"I expect you will not be quite satisfied until you get the position of +matron in some huge asylum for widows and orphans, with a few widowers +thrown in for variety." + +"I should enjoy such a position, I believe. It never occurred to me +before. Only think! Gathering up little bits of motherless humanity +like this, and training them into noble men and women. They would go on +perpetuating my work long after my eyes were sleeping under the daisies. +Why that would be next thing to the immortality most of us long for." + +"Do you really think you would like such a career?" + +"Yes, really. If you would only help me to begin now, in a small way at +first, and build a pretty cottage in one of the Glens around Oaklands." + +"Have you no higher ambition than to take care of children?" + +"But what could be higher, at least within my reach? I am not clever +enough to write books--at least not good ones, and there are too many +fifth and sixth rate ones now in the market. My painting and music won't +ever amount to anything more than my book-writing could do; so what +remains for me but to try and make the world the better for having lived +in it? And the only way any of us can do that is to work for human +beings." + +I was in such real earnest, I forgot for the time Mr. Winthrop's possible +sarcasm. + +"You are not very moderate in your demands. Possibly I would be permitted +to share in the posthumous honors you mention, which would be some +recompense for the outlay. Of course, I would be called on to feed and +clothe, as well as shelter, your motley crowd." + +"I forgot about that. Would it cost very much?" + +"The expense would depend largely on the numbers you received, and it +might not be safe to trust to your discretion in limiting the number. +Your sympathies would be so wrought on, Oaklands would soon swarm with +blear-eyed specimens of humanity, and Mrs. Flaxman and I would be +compelled to seek some other shelter." + +"If I were only rich myself," I said, with a hopeless sigh. + +"You would very soon be poor," Mrs. Flaxman interjected, turning to Mr. +Winthrop. "I could scarcely restrain her from buying one of the most +expensive pieces of broadcloth for her blind friend." + +"He may never have had a genuine suit of West of England broadcloth in +his life, and I wanted him to have the best. The difference in price +would only amount to a few dollars; and if we were getting ourselves +a satin or velvet gown we would not have hesitated a moment over the +difference of five or six dollars." + +"My ward will need some severe lessons in economy before she can be +entrusted with a house full of children. Paris dolls and becoming dresses +for her prettiest children would soon drain the pocket." + +I said no more. My enthusiasm, viewed in the light of my guardian's cold +criticism, seemed exceedingly Utopian, and I concluded that my best plan +was to do the work that came in my way cheerfully and lovingly, without +sighing hopelessly after the impossible. To make the motherless little +fleck of immortality happy that now nestled confidingly in my arms for +a brief hour, was the work that just then lay nearest to me; and I set +myself about doing it with right good will. + +As we neared Cavendish, the kindly faced old gentleman started for his +own seat, but paused on the way at my side, and shook my hand cordially +as he said: "I want to thank you, Miss, for giving us all such a +wholesome lesson. I am an old man now, and can look back over the deeds +of more than three score and ten years; and I tell you there's none gives +me more real satisfaction than the acts of kindness I've done to others. +If I were beginning the journey again, I'd set myself to do such work as +that, rather than trying to pile up money that at the last I'd have to +leave to some one that mightn't thank me. I've a fancy, too, that the +kindnesses follow us into another life. If I don't mistake, when you get +old like me, you'll have many pleasant memories of the kind to look back +upon; and then you may remember the old man's words long after he has +crumbled to dust." + +I smiled brightly up into his strong, wholesome face and would really +have liked to know more about him, but like many a person we meet on the +journey of life, as ships on some wide sea, signal briefly to each other +and then pass out of sight, so I never saw or heard of him afterward. He +stood a moment stroking the baby's curly head, and then with a murmured +"God bless the little lad," he passed on to his own seat. I felt +instinctively that all this sentiment would be exceedingly distasteful +to Mr. Winthrop, and was amused at the look of relief that passed over +his face when our own station was reached. As I returned the baby to his +father, he grasped my hand with a pressure that pained me and said, +scarce above a whisper: + +"I will pass your kindness along to some other desolate one some day. It +is the only recompense within my power to make you." + +"What I did has been a genuine pleasure. This little fellow has far +overpaid me." + +"It was a great deal you did for me just at that bitter moment." + +"I wish I could do more to lighten your sorrow," I said, with tears of +sympathy in my eyes as I said my final good-bye, and hastened after Mr. +Winthrop, who was waiting, I knew impatiently, on the platform. I saw +Samuel assisting Thomas to control the horses, who were always in awe of +the snorting engine; and near them stood a lumbering express, into which +the men were putting the long box that I knew contained the rigid body +of the dead mother. Presently the poor husband with his baby crowing +gleefully in his arms, climbed up to the seat beside the driver, and they +started out on their lonely journey. Mr. Winthrop was singularly patient +with me, although I kept them waiting some time while I stood watching +the loaded express pass out of sight. As I leaned back in our own +luxurious carriage, I tried to picture the poor fellow's home going, and +hoped that a welcome would be given that would help to lighten his +burdened heart. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +HUMBLE CHARITIES. + + +Mr. Winthrop had telegraphed Reynolds that morning that we were coming +home, and when we came in sight of Oaklands, just in the dim twilight, +we found the house brilliantly lighted. There was such a genial warmth +and comfort when we entered the door that I exclaimed joyously: + +"After all, there is no place like home." + +"Is Oaklands better than New York, do you say?" Mr. Winthrop questioned. + +"This is home. To every well regulated mind that is the sweetest spot on +earth." + +"Without any reservation?" + +"We do not need to make any when it is such a home as Oaklands." + +"Possibly you may think very differently when you get better acquainted +with the fascinations of city life." + +"One might enjoy both, don't you think, Mr. Winthrop? The contrast would +make each more delightful." + +"You must try the experiment before you will be able to give a correct +decision." + +"It seems to me to-night one must be hard to please to want a better home +than this, especially with an occasional change to city life. I cannot +understand why I have so much more to make life beautiful than others--so +many others--have." + +"Do you think, then, that your lot is a peculiarly fortunate one?" + +"If I did not think so, I would be worse than those Jews who fell to +murmuring on their way to Canaan. If they could have made the journey as +comfortably as I am doing they would never have said a word, I believe." + +"That is quite an original way of putting it. Theologians generally are +very severe on the poor Jews." + +"And you are usually pretty severe on the poor theologians," I said +laughingly, as I started for my room. On the way I met Reynolds, who +seemed so glad to have us back that I kissed her on the spot. + +"Bless your dear heart," she exclaimed, "it's like a flash of sunlight to +have you bursting in on us. You remind me so much of your papa. He had +just such a strong, hearty way as you." + +"Oh, Reynolds, is that so? Why did you never tell me before that I was +like him?" + +"It did not occur to me to tell you. Does it please you to know it?" + +"Certainly it does. It takes away the feeling that I am a changeling, +which often haunts me when you tell me I am odd and unconventional," +I said, turning to Mrs. Flaxman. + +"Darling, I would rather have you just as you are. If we went to make +improvements, we would only spoil a bit of God's sweetest handiwork." + +"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, what a tremendous compliment! Mr. Winthrop would read +you another lecture, if he heard you say that." + +"Some day we may need to lecture him," she said with a smile, and then +went into her own room, leaving me a trifle perplexed over her meaning. + +When we joined Mr. Winthrop in the dining room we found the table laid +with its usual precision and elegance for dinner. As I stood on the +hearth-rug, looking around the pleasant room, the firelight glancing on +the polished silver, and china, and lighting up the beautiful pictures on +the walls, no wonder the cheerful home scene made me, for the time, +forget the solitary mourner with his dead, out in the cold and darkness. +Mrs. Flaxman presently joined me. Drawing her an easy-chair close to the +cheerful blaze I knelt on the rug beside her, the easier to stroke Fleta, +the pretty Angora cat, who with her rough tongue licked my hand with +affectionate welcome. Presently Mr. Winthrop joined us. His presence at +first unnoticed in our busy chat, I happened to turn my head and saw him +calmly regarding us. "You would make a pleasant picture, kneeling there +with the firelight playing in your hair," he said, coming to my side. + +"The picture would be more perfect now that you have joined us." + +"No, my presence would spoil it. A child playing with her kitten needs no +other figures to complete the picture." + +"Ah, that spoils your compliment." + +"Mr. Winthrop very judiciously mixes his sweets and bitters," Mrs. +Flaxman said with a smile. + +"Yes; I should be too vain if he gave me a compliment really. I wonder if +he ever will do that?" I looked up into his face and saw that its +expression was kindly. + +"You would not wish me to spoil you. If my praising you made you vain, as +you just said it would, that would be the worst unkindness." + +"I want you always to be honest with me. A very slight word of praise +then will have its genuine meaning." + +"Now that we have once more settled our relations to each other, we will +take our dinners. One must descend from the highest summits to the +trivialities of eating and drinking." + +"I have never seen you very high up yet, Mr. Winthrop. I do not think +there is a spark of sentiment in your composition." + +"Alas, that I should be so misjudged. But wait until your friend Bovyer +shows you my tears." + +Mrs. Flaxman generally looked a trifle worried when Mr. Winthrop and I +got into conversation. This night, when I wanted every one to be happy, +I held my troublesome tongue in check, and made no further reply to my +guardian's badinage. + +When I went to my room for the night, I drew back my curtain and looked +out into the darkness of a cloudy, moonless night. It chilled me, I +wondered if the baby and its father, with the cold, still form of the +once happy mother, had got into the light and warmth of home. I compared +our bright evening together in the drawing-room, where Mr. Winthrop had +sat with us reading, or rather translating as he read, some splendid +passages from his favorite classical authors, a treat not often granted, +but he was, I fancied, too tired to read or study in his library alone. I +too had tried to add my share to the evening's entertainment; singing +mostly some German home songs to an accompaniment on the piano. He had +not criticised my performance, a fact very encouraging to me. + +But now, as I stood looking out into the black night, I thought of their +journey over the rough roads, already beginning to freeze, the baby cold +and hungry, and so tired. I turned hurriedly from the window and knelt to +say my prayers, a new element entering into my petitions. Forgetting the +stereotyped phrases, I remembered with peculiar vividness the impetuous +prayer uttered by Mr. Lathrop at Mrs. Blake's funeral, and I too tried to +bring comfort to another by prayer. There was such help in the thought +that God never forgets us. I so soon forgot amid the pleasures of +home-coming the sorrows of another; but He watches ever. The splendors of +His throne and crowns, and the adoration of the highest intelligences +never so absorbing Him as to cause forgetfulness of the humblest parish +pensioner, looking Heavenward for consolation. "Oh, to be more God-like, +more unforgetting!" I murmured, still lingering in the attitude of +prayer. I do not think in all my life, I had got so near to the Divine +Heart. + +The next morning an agreeable duty awaited me. First, I had the materials +for Mr. Bowen's new suit, and along with these a good many lesser gifts +for one and another. In the daily papers, I studied very industriously +the notices of cheap sales of dry goods while in the city; and for such a +novice in the art of shopping, I made some really good bargains. When I +came to get my presents all unpacked I found that Thomas' services would +be required if I took all at once. + +I found him at last in the kitchen, superintending the preparation of +some medicine for one of his horses. Making known my errand, he consented +to drive me to the Mill Road; but first assured me that it would +disarrange all his plans for the day. Thomas was an old bachelor, with +ways very set and precise; and his hours were divided off as regularly as +a college professor's. + +On our way out he informed me that the widow Larkum was very ill, with +the doctor in attendance. + +I was surprised that his words should give me such a sinking at the +heart. + +"What will become of the blind father and orphaned children if she dies?" + +"They will go to the poor farm. I pity them; for that Bill Day, that has +charge, is a tough subject." + +"She may not die. Doctors are very often mistaken. They do not know much +more about the secrets of life and death than the rest of us." + +"I allow that's true; for a couple of them give me up for death, a good +many years ago; and a pretty fright they give me for nothing." + +"Were you afraid to die?" + +"You may be sure I was. Its very unsartin work, is dying." + +"Mrs. Flaxman has lent me the lives of some very good people to read. +They were not afraid to die, but looked forward to it, some of them, with +delight." + +"They was the pious sort, that don't make much reckonin' in this life, I +allow." + +"I have read the lives of both kinds of people--the good, and those who +were not pious. The former seemed to be the happiest always." + +"They say Mr. Winthrop is a great man--writes fine works and things--but +he's not happy. I take more good out of Oaklands and the horses than he +does. He seems to sense the flower-gardens a good deal. I often find him +there early of a summer's morning when I go to work, with a bit of paper +and a pencil writing away for dear life; and he don't seem to mind me any +more'n if I was one of the vegetables." + +I smiled at Thomas' comparison; for now that he mentioned it, he did seem +something like an animated turnip. + +"I dare say he has far higher pleasures than you or I ever experience. +His thoughts are like a rich kingdom to him." + +"He's had some pretty bitter thoughts, I guess. He got crossed in love +once, and its sort of made him dislike wimmen folks. Maybe you've noticed +it yourself?" Thomas gave me a searching look. + +"I did not know he ever cared for a woman in his life. I thought he was +above such things," I murmured, too astonished to think of a proper +reply. + +"There's very few men get up that high, I reckon; leastaways, I've never +sot eyes on them." + +I turned a quizzical look on Thomas, which he understood--his face +reddened. + +"I don't claim to be one of the high kind, but I allow Oaklands is better +for me than a wife. I never sot great store by wimmen folks. They're +sort of pernicketty cattle to manage; I'd sooner take to horses; and if +one happens to die, you don't feel so cut up like as if it was a wife. +Now there's Dan Blake. Marrying's been enough sight more worryment to him +than comfort. I've figgured up the pros and cons close, and them that +keeps single don't age near as fast as the married ones. There's the +widow Larkum, if she'd kept single, she'd have been young and blooming +now. Human folks is many of them very poor witted," Thomas concluded, +with fine scorn, and then he was silent. + +My thoughts went off in eager surprise over that strange episode in Mr. +Winthrop's life, wondering what sort of a woman it was who had power so +to mar his happiness, and why she had not responded to his love, and all +the fascinating story that my sense of honor prevented me from finding +out from Thomas, or Mrs. Blake, or even Mrs. Flaxman. Now that I had +quiet to think it over, it seemed like desecration to have the stolid, +phlegmatic Thomas talk about it. + +He turned to me abruptly. "Have they never mentioned Mr. Winthrop's +trouble to you?" + +"No, Thomas, they have not." + +"Well, that's curious; but quality has different ways from nateral folks. +Well, you see, she was handsomer than any picture; looked as well as +you'd think an angel could look, and better dressed than they generally +seem to be; for any pictures I've seen of them they've only had a long +cloth around them without cut or pattern, and their wings. I've often +thought they weren't overhandy with the needle. And the day for the +wedding was sot." I stopped him there. + +"Would you tell me this if you knew I should repeat all you said to Mr. +Winthrop?" + +"I guess not; he'd turn me off without my dinner, if he knew." + +"You may be sure I shall not tell him; but nevertheless it is not honest +for us to be talking on such a subject." + +"I see you are like the rest of them. You seemed to have such a fellow +feeling for poor folks, we've concluded you were more like us than them." + +"Perhaps I am, Thomas; but gentle or simple, we ought to be alike +honorable. The Bible has only one code of morals for us all." + +"Very few that I know pays much attention to Bible rules. But here we are +at the Blakes'. I'll hitch the horse and carry in the bundles since you +want them left here. Hang it, if there ain't that ugly critter of Dan's +coming for us." + +Thomas sprang back into the carriage, and looked a good deal alarmed as +he saw me turn to meet Tiger and pat the animal's huge head. + +He fawned delightedly around me, licking my gloved hand whenever he could +get the chance. + +"You need not be afraid, Thomas. I won't let him hurt you." + +"I won't risk him. He's the crossest brute in Cavendish." + +"Why, Tiger, what a character to get!" + +To my surprise the dog looked up at Thomas, and uttered an angry growl. + +"See, now; I believe the brute understands what I say." + +"Come with me, Tiger." I started for the house. Tiger stood a moment +uncertainly, and then trotted after me. Mrs. Blake's face was radiant +when she opened the door in answer to my knock. + +"You're a thousand times welcome back; and my! but you're needed." + +"That is encouraging news. But, Mrs. Blake, won't you hide Tiger away +somewhere? Thomas is afraid of him, and, I think, not without reason." + +"I wish't Daniel 'd sell him; he frightens folks from the house," she +said, with much discontent, driving Tiger unceremoniously into the back +porch. + +Thomas soon had the bundles laid on the kitchen table, and the carriage +turned homewards, while I began unrolling the prints and flannels, frocks +and pinafores, for the Mill Road pensioners. Mrs. Blake watched eagerly; +but at last exclaimed: + +"Dear me! it must a cost you a mint of money to get all these." + +"About the price of one evening dress." + +"I hope you got all the things, then, you needed for yourself." + +"Yes, and more, I fear, than I really needed. But Mrs. Flaxman says we +owe it to our position in society to dress becomingly; but the question +to my mind is, how far it is necessary to go to pay that social debt? +When I see a family like the Larkums, my conscience tells me I owe them +a heavier debt than society." + +"I can't understand why some people have no conscience, and other so +much. It seems to me now you have just a little too much for one of +your age." + +"Please don't you discourage me, Mrs. Blake. I meet too much everywhere +else. But for you I might never have given a thought to the poor and +needy." + +Mrs. Blake went to the window and stood looking out for some time in +silence, while I sat with my hand on Tiger's head, whom I had liberated +after Thomas went away. I looked down into the brown eyes that were +gazing up at me with dumb affection. + +"Do you really like me so very much, Tiger?" I said, stooping down to +gratify him with a touch of my face. + +"I do believe he thinks more of you than of anybody. I've not seen him +look so good-natured since I come here as he does now." I fancied that +I saw traces of tears on her face, and was surprised at it, for she was +not the kind of woman constantly bubbling over, and rarely showed the +tender side of her nature, save in kindly deeds. Again she began +inspecting my goodly array of dry goods with keen interest, inquiring +the prices, and passing shrewd comments on the bargains I had made. + +"I'm afraid the Larkums won't need your gifts. If they go to the +poor-house, it won't be worth while giving them anything; the town'll +provide." + +"I do not think they will go there. Mrs. Larkum will get better, after +awhile." + +"It might do her good to hear you say; so would you mind coming over this +morning to see her? I go in every day to see to them." + +I gathered up a large bundle of flannels and prints, for herself and +children, along with the parcel containing Mr. Bowen's cloth, while Mrs. +Blake was getting ready. She came to the table, where I stood arranging +my parcels. + +"Are these to go to the widow's now?" she asked. + +"Yes, if we can carry all at once." + +"I'll see to that. I've taken many a heavier load a good deal farther." + +"But I will share the burden with you." + +"No, it looks better for me to have my arms full than you; and, anyway, +I want to do something to help them, and you too." + +I humored her fancy, only insisting on relieving her of my present for +Mr. Bowen. It was the most precious package in the lot; and I feared she +might drop it. When we reached the door of the Larkum cottage she halted. + +"You won't like the look of things here to-day. There's only the +neighbors to look after them; and the most of us has more'n enough to do +home." + +"If I am such a poor soldier as to be so easily frightened as that, you +would be ashamed of me. When they endure it all the time, surely I may +for a few minutes." + +"But you're not used to it." + +She entered without knocking, when a scene met my gaze that fully equaled +Mrs. Blake's warning. The fire was quite out, and I could see no fuel at +hand to kindle it, Mr. Bowen sat in the window trying to extract some +warmth from the dull, November sunshine; the baby crying wearily in his +arms, probably from cold and hunger combined; the other two children had +curled themselves up in an old rug, their bright eyes watching us with +eager longing, the house itself was the picture of desolation. + +I shivered under my warm fur cloak, and with difficulty restrained myself +from rushing from the place; but Mrs. Blake, laying down her bundle with +a sigh of relief, bade Mr. Bowen good morning in her usual cheerful way; +he responded with equal cheerfulness, still ignorant of my presence +there. "You find us a little cold to-day," he said, as if it were the +merest accident; "but wood has given out, and the morning seems rather +cool." + +I looked at him in amazement. How could he speak so calmly under the +circumstances? + +"How is Mrs. Larkum, to-day?" + +"Pretty low, I am sorry to say. The doctor says she needs beef-tea and +wine." + +"It's easy for doctors to prescribe." + +"He thinks she might come around if she had proper nourishment. But we +are in the Lord's hands," he added patiently. + +"Yes, and I guess the Lord has sent one of His ravens to look after you. +Not that Miss Selwyn looks like a raven--she's more like a lily." + +"Is Miss Selwyn here?" he asked, turning around eagerly. + +"Yes, I reached home last evening. I am sorry to find you in such +trouble." + +"The Lord knows what is best for us. I want nothing but what He wills for +me. If pain, and poverty come, they are His evangels, and should I dare +to repine?" + +"Perhaps He has seen that you are patient under severity, and He may send +comfort now." + +"My Father is rich and wise, therefore I am content; for I know His +kindness is without limit." + +I looked in his face. A grave, refined expression lent dignity to +features already handsome, while there was a serenity one of the Old +Masters might have coveted to reproduce on one of their immortal pictured +faces. + +"Your daughter shall have all the nourishment the doctor orders after +this; and I believe she will soon be better. The Lord is more pitiful +than we are," I said, gently. + +"God will reward you, my dear friend. Pardon me for calling you such; but +you have indeed been a friend in adversity." + +"I am glad to be a friend of one who is the friend of God. I esteem it +both an honor and privilege." + +"I pray God you may very soon hold the dearer relation to Himself of +child, if you are not that already." He turned his face to me with an +eager, expectant expression. + +"No, not in the way you speak of. I am no nearer to Him than I was in +childhood. It is only of late I realized the need to be reconciled to +Him." + +"He answers prayer." There was such a ring of joyful faith in his voice +I felt convinced there was one praying for me who had a firm hold on God. + +I turned to Mrs. Blake, who was busying herself in trying to make a fire. + +"Where can we get some coals, or do they burn wood?" I asked. + +"They sell the waste at the mill pretty cheap for kindlings, but the coal +is far cheapest." + +"Can we get some directly?" + +"Yes, with the money," she said, grimly. + +I took out my purse--alas, now far from full--when would I learn economy? + +I gave her two dollars. "Will that buy enough for the present?" I asked +anxiously; for I was exceedingly ignorant of household furnishings. + +"Deary me, yes; it'll last for a month or more." I was greatly relieved. +By that time a little private venture of my own might be bringing me +in some money. I told Mrs. Blake to present the dry goods as soon as I +was out of the house. I fancied they would have an indirect medicinal +effect on the sick woman. + +"I shall go home immediately and get Mrs. Reynolds to make some beef tea. +She will keep Mrs. Larkum supplied, I am sure, as long as there is need, +and I will either bring or send a bottle of wine directly," I said +encouragingly to Mr. Bowen, whose face under all circumstances seemed +to wear the same expression of perfect peace. + +"I have not language to express my gratitude, but you do not ask for +thanks." The assertion was something in the form of a question. + +"I have a feeling that you will make me the debtor before long," I +murmured softly, and then took my leave. Reynolds entered very heartily +into my scheme for relieving Mrs. Larkum, and Mrs. Flaxman, always eager +to help others when once her attention was aroused, packed a generous +hamper of wine and preserves, fresh eggs and prints of delicious Alderney +butter, and fresh fruits, with more solid provisions, and sent them +around by the uncomplaining Thomas, at an hour that suited his +convenience. Cook also gave me a good basket full of cooked provisions; +so I set out with Thomas very well provided for at least a week's siege. +I found Mrs. Blake still at the Larkums. She had been in the mean time +very busy getting them made comfortable; and while so doing had taken +minute stock of their ways and means. "I had no idea they was so bad +off," she assured me in whispered consultation. "There was the barrel of +flour she got with the money you give her, and not another airthly thing +in the house to eat but some salt and about a peck of potatoes." + +"Did Mr. Bowen know this morning there was so little?" + +"Sartinly; but I believe he'd starve afore he'd let on; he kinder looks +to the Lord for his pervisions, and he thinks it's a poor sort of faith +to ask human beings. I think he's most too good for such a forgetting +world as this is." + +"The Lord has provided abundantly to-day, Mrs. Blake." + +"I won't allow but somebody has. Maybe the Lord put it in your heart, I +can't say for sartin. It's a curious mixed up world, and we don't know +where men leaves off and the Lord begins; but that blind man is a +Christian, and if there is such a thing as religion he's got it and no +mistake." + +As I looked around at the changed appearance of everything about me I +concluded Mrs. Blake did the work of the Christian, even if she made no +profession. The house had been scrubbed, the stove nicely polished, and +the children's faces shone with the combined effects of soap and water +and the good cheer that was being provided. + +Mr. Bowen was sitting back, as if afraid of absorbing too much of the +heat, rocking the cradle and singing in a rich, low voice one of the most +beautiful hymns I ever heard, the look of peace that came from some +unseen source still lighting his face. With Mrs. Blake's assistance, and +with occasional exclamations of delight, on her part I unpacked the +hamper and then I took a little wine and a bunch of grapes in to Mrs. +Larkum. I was shocked at the change a few weeks had made in her +appearance. She saw the pained look in my face and her own countenance +fell. + +"Mrs. Blake told me you seemed sure I would get better. Do you think now +there is no hope?" she asked pitifully. + +"I shall not give you up until we try the effect of these," I said +cheerfully, putting the cup that contained the wine to her lips and +laying the grapes in her hand. She took a sip or two and then put +the cup aside. "I have eaten so little for several days you would soon +make me intoxicated with that rich wine. I never tasted any like it," she +said, with a pitiful attempt at a smile. I got out a slice of cook's +home-made bread, and toasting it before the fire, with Mrs. Blake's help, +we soon had a dainty lunch prepared for her with jelly, and a cup of tea +with real cream, an unknown delicacy in her cottage, floating on the top. +I carried it and watched while she ate it all. "Perhaps it may kill me," +she said, plaintively, "but I believe I am more hungry than sick. This +cold cut me right down, and I had nothing to tempt my appetite." + +"I believe Miss Selwyn is one of them wonderful people what has the gift +of healing. I've heard tell of 'em, but I never seen one," Mrs. Blake +said, regarding me at the same time very seriously. + +"I shouldn't wonder," Mrs. Larkum responded calmly. "I made up my mind +only this morning it was useless for me to expect to get round again; and +I was nearly heartbroken thinking of poor father and the children going +on the parish." + +"A nice new frock, and good vittels ain't bad medsin for poor folks +sometimes," Mrs. Blake said dryly. + +"That is true; but I was feeling very low and weak," Mrs. Larkum said, +apologetically. + +"We all know that, and more'n yourself was afraid it might go hard with +you." + +"So we have decided that it was the food and clothes that have wrought +the miracle, and not any unusual healing virtues in me," I said, quite +relieved; for the change wrought was so sudden and great, I began to feel +uneasy lest I might be possessed unconsciously of some mysterious power. + +Mrs. Larkum smiled gently. "I am not sure of that. I find you always make +me happier whenever I see you. I seem to get a fresh hold on hope, as if +there might yet be something in store for us." + +"I understand why you feel that way. I am glad it is no mere inexplicable +experience." I went into the kitchen thinking to give Mr. Bowen and the +children a few of the surplus dainties. + +He had ceased singing, but was sitting with uplifted face, as if in deep +communion with God; his lips moved, but no sound escaped. + +The eldest boy seeing me hesitate came to my side and whispered softly. +"Mother says we are not to speak when grandfather looks like that--cos +he's praying." I stood holding the child's hand, an indescribable +sensation stealing over me while I stood gazing into the rapt, sightless +face. + +Never before in great cathedral, or humble church, had I felt the awful +presence of God as at that moment. A strange trembling seized me, and, +involuntarily I turned my head away, as if I were gazing too boldly upon +holy things. I was reminded of the ancient high priest of the Jewish +religion who, once a year, took his life in his hand, and went into the +Holy of Holies, to gaze on the Divine token. + +The child, too, stood silently with bated breath, perhaps more deeply +impressed than his wont at seeing my emotion. After awhile he pulled my +hand gently and then motioned for me to stoop down to him. I did so. + +"Grandad prays every day for you. I hear him myself." He looked up into +my face with a curious expression of importance at having such a secret +to tell, and surprise that I should need his grandfather's prayers. + +A sharp knock at the door broke the spell that was holding us in such +holy quiet. + +Mrs. Blake hastened to open it, when a strangely familiar voice sounded +on my ear. + +There was a hearty ring of welcome in her voice as she bade him welcome. + +"Come right in; you'll find things better'n you might expect." + +I turned to see who was coming. A swift and kindly look of recognition in +the deep, blue eyes took me back to my first experience of Cavendish; +and an instant after I recollected, with a good deal of satisfaction, +that it was the Rev. Mr. Lathrop, whom I first saw at Mrs. Daniel Blake's +funeral. He extended his hand with such hearty cordiality that I gave him +mine in return with a good bit of my heart along with it. + +"I am glad to see you here." It was not so much in the words themselves +as the way he spoke them, that such welcome meaning was conveyed. + +"Indeed, you may be," Mrs. Blake responded. + +I saw Mr. Bowen eagerly waiting to speak to his minister, and even the +children were edging up to him with expectant faces. "He always brings us +apples," my little lad explained to me in a whisper. + +With entire change of voice he turned to Mr. Bowen and said:--"How fares +it with you, brother, in the darkness?" + +"Well, all is well." + +In low, sympathetic tones he asked:--"He still provides songs in the +night?" + +"Yes, almost as sweet as if Heaven itself were stooping to hear." + +"You have learned the secret God reveals to but few of us." + +"Ah, brother, the fault is all in us, not in Him. Gracious as he is to +me, all might share with me in this blessed inheritance." + +Mr. Lathrop turned to me. "Our friend here certainly has meat to eat of +which very few get the full taste." + +"I did not know there could be such joy in religion. It is a revelation +to me, sir." + +"Yes, we go out of our way to help others, not expecting to be repaid, +and sometimes one of God's angels meets us in human guise, and brings us +a blessing compared with which our poor gift sinks into insignificance." +He spoke to me in a low-tone. Mr. Bowen could not hear; indeed he seemed +never to notice conversation not addressed to him personally. I fancied +that his own thoughts were more agreeable than average conversation. +I stood uncertainly, longing to remain to hear more of the conversation +passing between these two men, but afraid I might thereby violate some +unwritten social code. I knew very little of the relation between pastor +and people at that time, especially in America. + +Mrs. Blake possibly read my face. She came to me and said:--"Won't you +stay to prayers? I guess most all the churches'll listen to each other +reading the Scripters and praying. I know they'd take it as a favor." She +tried to speak softly but Mrs. Blake's voice had not been trained to fine +modulations, and I felt certain Mr. Lathrop overheard her remark. + +"I would like to stay if I am not intruding." + +"I guess the best of Christians never reckon folks in the way when +they're praying together, though I shouldn't say much about them, not +being one myself," she said, dryly. + +I sat down quite near to Mr. Bowen. I wanted to study his face, and as I +listened in silence, the conversation between the pastor and this member +of his flock was a new and beautiful revelation to me. The one seemed to +help the other, while no stain of worldliness marred the even flow of +their words. After awhile Mrs. Blake handed the minister a well-worn +Bible. He opened it and turned the leaves thoughtfully, pausing at last +at the 103d Psalm. I looked at Mr. Bowen while Mr. Lathrop was reading. +His lips were softly moving as if in responsive worship, the expression +of his face like a thanksgiving Psalm. + +A moment's pause in the reading while the leaves were turned, and then +the lesson was chosen from the 17th of St. John's Gospel and selections +from the ten last chapters of Revelation. I fancied that in the pause +between his reading the minister was asking to be directed to the right +passages. Every verse seemed to bring its own special consolation, and +I was almost as much impressed with the look on Mr. Bowen's face at last, +as by the words that fell on my ears. It reminded me of the faces the Old +Masters have left us of the saints and martyrs of the early church. +Perhaps they took their models from just such men as Mr. Bowen, whom +God had left in the furnace until his own image was reflected in them. +But my deepest emotions were stirred when, kneeling with the rest, I +listened to Mr. Lathrop's prayer. + +As I listened, I had no longer any doubt as to the future well-being of +this family; but, when just at the close of his prayer, my name was +mentioned, and the fulfillment asked for the promise given by Christ, +that even a cup of cold water given in his name should be rewarded, a +strange sense of awe came over me. Was it possible I had been giving +direct to Christ--visiting His sick, and poor, and sorrowing, and making +Him glad? My eyes filled with tears, and a deep longing took possession +of my heart to know this mighty Friend who died for me, in the same real, +blessed way that these men knew, and loved Him. There were few words +spoken after the prayer was ended. The place seemed holy ground and, +shortly after, Mr. Lathrop left, first going to the little lad who had +given me his whispered confidence, and dropped a few silver coins in his +chubby fist. He stood regarding the money complacently until the door had +closed on the minister, and then, going to his grandfather, he showed, +with great glee, his store of money. + +"We will have everything now that we want, won't we, grandfather?" he +questioned, placing the money in his grandfather's hands. + +"We will always have what is best for us, Freddie; but you must never +take the minister's money again. You should give to him, instead of +taking from him." + +"So I must," Freddie responded, rather sorrowfully; "but may I take his +apples?" + +"Well, yes; you may do that, and, some day, when you are a big boy, and +earning money, you can buy him a whole barrel full." + +"I might keep a few of them?" Freddie questioned, such extreme generosity +overpowering his imagination. + +"We will see when the time comes." + +Mrs. Blake beckoned me to her side, at the further end of the room. + +"I didn't give him these; I put 'em out of sight till you'd come." + +"But I wanted him to get them while I was away." + +"Yes, I know; but it'll be easier to thank you right off, when he's +surprised. My! he'd soon have been able to fly; his clothes is that +ragged." + +"Yes, they are very poor; but, some way, one don't see much but his face. +I forget that he is poor and ragged when I look at him." + +"We're not all so blind as that. I'm going now to tell him." + +"Mr. Bowen, you'll think it never rains but it pours. I've another +surprise for you." + +"What is it?" He turned his face in the direction of her voice. + +"Miss Selwyn got you the finest piece of cloth I've sot eyes on this many +a day, to make you a new suit of clothes. Just feel of that, now." + +He stroked it softly for a moment, and then turned his flushed face to +me. "You will bankrupt us with your generosity, Miss Selwyn. But God will +pay you. He is rich and wise." + +"You are paying me, too, Mr. Bowen. Prayers are better than gold." + +He said nothing, but took up a fold of the cloth and stroked it, I +thought, lovingly. + +"I need no longer envy the swallows who build their nests in the eaves of +the Lord's house. How my soul will rejoice to meet once more with His +people! 'Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.'" + +For a moment he seemed to forget our presence. Mrs. Blake, always +practical, brought us all down to earth again by suggesting that we get +the suit made as soon as possible. + +"If the tailor will cut it for us, a few of us women folk will come in +and make it right off, so's he can get to meeting. Dan'el'll be glad to +come and take him there every Sunday." + +"I could lead grandfather," little Fred stoutly asserted. "I've been past +there lots of times." + +"Are women as good tailors as men?" I asked, doubtfully. + +"I reckon not; but they're enough sight cheaper, especially when they +work for nothing. Tailors is awful dear." + +"I want the clothes to look nicely. I will pay the tailor." + +"We can make the vest and pants well enough if he cuts 'em and makes the +coat. S'pose we call and see him on our way home?" + +I complied with her request, and found the tailor's establishment a very +humble affair on the Mill Road. Mrs. Blake negotiated with him entirely, +but he always directed his remarks to me. + +"If I hadn't a family of my own to support these hard times, I'd do it +for nothing," he assured me, over and over; "but I'll do it for half +price. My time, you know, is all the money I have, and one must look out +first for their own." + +I found he was a prosy, weak-minded creature, who, although time was so +precious, would have stood talking to me of its great value by the hour, +if I had patience to listen. I thanked him for his offer, but assured him +I would pay his usual price for the work. Mrs. Blake, however, stipulated +that she and her neighbors would relieve him of all but the coat, and I +could see he was not pleased with her interference. This matter settled, +I hastened home, very uncertain how Mr. Winthrop would regard so much of +my time being spent on the Mill Road, if he should discover I had been +there twice that day. When I got home Mrs. Flaxman told me he had asked +for me each time that I was there, but he did not say anything to me. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +A PLEASANT SURPRISE. + + +"It would do you good to come to our meeting some Sunday, just to see Mr. +Bowen's face," Mrs. Blake remarked to me one day, some time after the +tailor and women folk had completed very satisfactorily their work. + +"I would like to go for other reasons than that. One is to hear your +minister pray once more, and also to hear him preach." + +"Can't you come next Sunday morning?" + +"Our service is at the same hour. I do not think Mr. Winthrop would like +me to leave our own church. He is very particular about such things." + +"I don't see why he should; for he don't set much store by religion." + +"He may give me permission to come some time." + +"I wish he would come too. Our meetings are so good now. Daniel has +perfessed religion." + +She spoke in such subdued fashion I looked at her in surprise, thinking +she might soon follow his example. I think she was waiting for me to say +something; but I felt myself so ignorant on this great subject, I knew +not what to say. + +"I've wished often of late that I'd never been born. Where I'm to go to +once the breath leaves my body, is an awful thought." She burst into a +fit of bitter weeping that frightened me. + +"Christ is very merciful," I faltered, not knowing what to say. + +"I've read that and heard it many a time; but we've been such a +heathenish lot, I'm afraid He's left us to ourselves." + +"If He has remembered Daniel, that should encourage you." + +"He's not lived without thinking of Him as many years as I have." + +She sat with bowed head, quietly weeping, the picture of despair. I +touched the hard, wrinkled hand that had so often generously ministered +to the wants of others. + +"Have you asked Christ to forgive you?" + +"Asked Him?" she sobbed, "I've been crying day and night for weeks; but +I'm only getting further away all the time." + +"Does your son, or Mr. Lathrop know?" + +"I reckon they don't. I was ashamed for any one to know; but I couldn't +help telling you." + +"I think it is because you are ashamed that Christ don't bless you." + +"I've felt I ought to get up and tell them in meeting what a sinner I've +been; but I've always prided myself on being as good as them that's made +a perfession, and they all know what a hard, proud wretch I am. I expect +they'd say I was a hypocrite." + +"I think if you confessed to your church what you have just told me, and +asked them to pray for you, God would make you His child. It seems to me +any petition Mr. Lathrop and Mr. Bowen would dare to present would be +received and granted." + +"It's hard on flesh and blood," she moaned. + +I saw she was in deep distress and could not understand why she was +unwilling to make the confession that might bring peace. + +"I wish I'd tended to this when I was young and my heart was easier made +new. It's next to impossible to make a crooked old tree turn and grow +straight." + +"With God nothing is impossible," I whispered encouragingly. + +"Yes, the minister said that last night, and looked straight at me. Maybe +he saw trouble in my face, and wanted to help me in spite of myself." +She grew calmer at last. "Now I won't worry you any longer, and I believe +I feel better for telling you. I mean to tell them to-night what a proud, +stubborn wretch I've been, and ask them to pray for me." + +She got up and put on her shawl with a resolute air as if her mind was +fully made up, no matter how hard the task might be. + +"We'll step in and see the Larkums. You'll hardly know them now, they're +so perked up and tidy. Deary me! how far a little help goes sometimes +when folks have a mind to help theirselves." + +On our way she said, with matter-of-fact calmness, at the same time +setting my blood thrilling through my veins: "I want you to talk with the +doctor. I just seen him going to see Mrs. Larkum, and that's what made me +hurry you off so soon from my place." + +"What do you want me to talk about?" I asked, with some surprise. + +"Well, he was looking at Mr. Bowen's eyes the other day, and he says they +can cure him up in New York, so he'll see just as well as ever." + +I stood perfectly still in the road, my surprise and gladness making me +forgetful of everything. "Can this be really true?" I gasped. + +"It's a fact; he told me so himself the last time he was there, all about +it. I can't just mind all the long words, 'twould take a dictionary to +follow him; but the long and the short of it is that he can go into a big +hospital, mostly for such things; and there's a great doctor there 'll do +it for nothing, provided Mr. Bowen lets a lot of students come and watch. +I guess that's the way the doctors gets their pay from poor folks; and +then, if they die, they have their bodies to cut and hack into. But Mr. +Bowen says they may bring all the people in the city if they want to. He +don't mind how many looks at him while they're fixing his eyes." + +"When will he go?" + +"I'm afraid that depends on you. We told the doctor so, and he asked what +made a young lady like you set such store by them?" + +"What reply did you give?" + +"Oh, Mr. Bowen answered for us. He said 'twas because you were one of the +Lord's children or was soon going to be; and one of them rare ones we +read of in books." + +"Mr. Bowen is too partial to be a correct judge, I am afraid." + +"Well, the doctor kind of thought you'd find it pretty hard to be much of +a Christian at Oaklands; but Mr. Bowen said, not any harder than them +folks what had their heads cut off and were burnt for their religion." + +"Not any harder," I said, more to myself than to Mrs. Blake, but ah! how +hard it might be, only God could know. + +"But we must plan about Mr. Bowen. Will it cost very, very much?" + +"My, no; he's got a good suit of clothes, and that's the most that's +wanted. His fare from here to New York and back 'll be the heft of the +expense." + +"If that is all, he shall go to-morrow. I have more than enough money on +hand for that, and a good deal of incidental expense beside." + +"I reckon he'll pay you all back; for he was a prime book-keeper before +he lost his eyesight. He's a good scholar, too, and got a first-rate +salary." + +"Then he will leave me deeper in debt than ever." + +"What for?" she asked curiously. + +"Many things--his prayers most of all. Lessons of patience and faith, +too, that money never could buy." + +She remained silent until we reached Mrs. Larkum's. We found the doctor +there. He was an old acquaintance. I had met him at a good many evening +parties, and at a garden-party or two, where he had several times been my +partner in lawn tennis, and an excellent partner I had found him, making +up for any lack of skill on my part. + +His greeting was exceedingly cordial, and in a blunt way he plunged right +into the business in hand. "We are very glad to see you; we have some +grave advice to ask." + +"I feel quite elated at making one in a medical consultation," I said +with a smile. + +"I am not sure if you have not done more to restore health in this house +than I. The world is too slow recognizing other healers than those +embraced by the medical faculties." + +"It's my opinion doctors knows less than one thinks of folks' insides. +They're as apt to make mistakes about people dying or getting well as any +of us. I don't put near as much faith in 'em as the common run of folks," +Mrs. Blake said with delicious candor. + +"Really, I thought you had a better opinion of us as a profession than +that. If you get sick, you will of course dispense with our services." + +Mrs. Blake looked perplexed, but after a moment's hesitation she said: + +"If I was sick I'd want to see a doctor just as much as anybody. Their +medicine is all right; for God made that. It's their judgment that's so +onreliable." + +"And who is to blame for their judgment?" the doctor asked mischievously. + +She hesitated, but her mother wit soon extricated her from the +difficulty. + +"There's lots of folks doing what the Lord didn't intend them to +do--doctors as well as others." + +"Well done, Mrs. Blake, I will retire from the field before I am +annihilated altogether." + +"You needn't be in a hurry to go. We'd like to get this business +settled first," Mrs. Blake said, a trifle anxiously, misunderstanding +the doctor's meaning. He threw me a meaning glance, and afterward +whispered,--"That woman is a diamond in the rough. Given a fair start +in life, she would have found a proper sphere in almost any calling." + +"I believe she would. She has done more for me than any other single +individual." + +"She!" he asked with keen surprise. + +"Yes, she wakened me from selfish ease to see the sufferings of others, +and to realize my sisterhood to them." + +"Yes, but you must first have had a heart to be touched, or all the Mrs. +Blakes on this planet could not have wakened it." + +"Even allowing your words to be true, does it not show power amounting +very nearly to genius to be able to arouse another to a painful duty, and +help them to take hold of it--I won't say, manfully?" + +"No, a better word is needed in this case. Woman's fine sympathy and +instinct are too perfect to be called after any masculine term wholly +human." + +"You can pay nice compliments," I said, laughing. He bowed his head +gravely--a very fine and shapely head I noticed it was too, set well on +a neck and shoulders that betokened the trained athlete. + +"Now, doctor, Miss Selwyn can't generally stay loitering very long among +us Mill Roaders, and p'raps we'd better get our business done up right +away. Anyway if Mr. Bowen is anything like me, he's getting fidgetty by +this time to know if he's likely to get to them big city doctors." + +"I have grown too intimate with patience to be so easily disturbed," he +said, gently. + +"You would like to get your sight?" I questioned. He spoke so calmly, the +thought occurred he might have grown to love the hush of darkness. His +face flushed. I never knew before or since a person of his years who +colored so easily. + +"Only God can know how I have longed to see the light, and the face of my +fellow man; but I had no hope until Death opened my eyes." + +His voice trembled with emotion. + +"What a privilege to give that man his sight," I murmured to the doctor. + +"The privilege belongs to you, I believe." + +"Oh, no indeed. I was thinking of the skill of your profession. It seems +almost God-like." + +"We do our work mainly for money. In this case I am told you supply +that." + +Mrs. Blake was waiting impatiently. + +"What is to be done? Can Mr. Bowen go immediately?" I asked. + +"To-morrow, if he is ready. I have already written to the doctor who will +take charge of his case. He is famous for diseases of the eye, especially +cataract, which is the trouble here." + +"He will need some one to accompany him?" I asked anxiously. "This seemed +the chief difficulty now." + +"Not necessarily. The conductor is a kind-hearted fellow, and would see +to him. But a friend of mine is going to-morrow, and he will not leave +him until he sees him safe in the hospital." + +"Could he be ready so soon?" I turned with my question to Mrs. Blake. + +"I've got everything ready only just to pack in a valise--fine shirts and +all, we've sat up till after midnight making fine shirts and things, me +and two other women." + +"And you dare to say after that that it is I who must have the credit of +this?" I turned a look of reproach on the doctor, as I spoke the words so +low, only he could hear them. + +"Am I really going to-morrow?"--Mr. Bowen asked, his face turning deathly +pale,--"possibly to come back to see all your faces? Miss Selwyn, I hope +you will look to me as I have always pictured you." + +"I think she will not disappoint your expectations," the doctor said, +gallantly. + +"I dunno about that. I guess he most looks to see an angel," Mrs. Blake +remarked dryly. In the ripple of laughter that followed, I turned to +little Freddie who was crying softly with his face hidden in a chair. + +"What is the matter, my little man?" + +"Why you see, Miss Selwyn, Grandad's going away, and they're going to put +a sharp knife in his eyes; and maybe he will die." He burst into a louder +fit of weeping. His mother drew him hastily into her bedroom and shut the +door--her own face pale, and almost as sorrowful as the little lad's. + +"You must tell them there is no danger, doctor." + +I followed Mrs. Larkum into her room and found that she shared Freddie's +fears and grief. + +"There is not the slightest danger to life or health in the operation," I +assured her, when her countenance began to brighten. + +"You see we've had so much misfortune I can't sense that father may get +his sight, and we be comfortable as we used to be." + +"You must have faith in God. The darkest time has been with you 'the hour +before the dawn.' Now I will give you money for present necessities for +your father. If more is required, it will be provided when necessary." I +took out my purse which, now that I was earning money of my own, I +carried about with me quite recklessly, and gave her ten crisp notes that +would buy her father a good many necessaries, beside his car fare. She +did not try to thank me but her look was enough to assure me she +appreciated my efforts for their well-being. + +That evening, as I sat chatting by the dining-room fire with Mrs. +Flaxman, waiting for the dinner-bell to ring, I told her of the beautiful +surprise I had met that day, and how I had given them the money for him +to start the following morning in search of sight. + +"Why, where did you get the money? I thought you spent every cent except +your weekly allowance when we were in New York." + +I hesitated, flushing rather guiltily; for this was the first real secret +of my life. + +"You have not been selling your jewelry, I hope," she said, quite +sternly. "Mr. Winthrop would not easily forgive such an act, after you +had been entrusted with it too." + +"I have not sold anything that belonged to anyone but myself." + +She looked at me closely, and my eyes fell before her gaze. "It is not +idle curiosity, believe me, Medoline, that makes me so insistent. I wish +you would explain how you got the money. You are unacquainted with the +habits of this country, and may have been unwittingly led into some +indiscretion." + +"What I have done is a very common thing in Europe even among the best of +people." + +"Do you mean selling your cast-off garments?" + +"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, you have as poor an opinion of me as Mr. Winthrop. I +wonder what is the reason my friends have so little confidence in me?" I +said, despairingly. + +"But, dear, there is some mystery; and young ladies, outside of tragic +stories, are expected to live lives of crystal clearness." + +"I will tell you, for fear you imagine I have done some terrible thing. +When we were in New York, I hunted up a picture-dealer and submitted a +number of my sketches, that I had hidden away in my trunk, to him, and he +consented to act as my agent. For one good sized painting of Oaklands he +has given me fifty dollars. Perhaps that Mr. Bovyer bought it, I have +felt afraid that he did; but any way the money will do good; be the +indirect means of giving sight to one of Christ's own followers. All the +afternoon, like the refrain of some beautiful melody, those words have +been sounding in my ears: 'Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the +least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me.'" Over my burning +cheeks a few bitter tears were falling, while a mad desire seized me to +leave Oaklands, and the cold, selfish life it imposed, and try in some +purer air to live as conscience urged. I walked to the farthest end of +the long room without waiting for Mrs. Flaxman's reply, and stood looking +out into the bright moonlit air. Far away I could see the moonbeams +dimpling on the waters, making a long, shimmering pathway to the distant +horizon, while in the frosty sky a few bold stars were shining, scarce +dimmed by the moon's brightness. The thought came to me that, in a few +weeks, Mr. Bowen might be thrilled by just such a vision of delight. I +turned abruptly to tell Mrs. Flaxman I could never go back to the old +life of selfish ease, when such opportunities for helpfulness were given +me, when I met her face to face. She gave me a look I will never forget. + +"Medoline, can you forgive me those unjust suspicions?" + +"Yes, if you won't interfere with my picture selling," I said joyously. + +"Hush! Mr. Winthrop may hear you. I think he is coming. But you may sell +all the pictures you can, only don't speak of it now." + +Mr. Winthrop was waiting for us. As he looked at me he said:--"You seem +to have more mental sunshine than your share--your face is so bright. +Possibly you have been having a specially happy season with your bereaved +ones." + +"With one of them I have been more than happy." + +"May I ask the name of this favored individual?" + +"It is Mr. Bowen, the blind man." + +"Ah, then, you are finding the widowers most congenial. They do not +dissolve into tears so readily as the widows; and there may be other +fascinations. Really, I shall be compelled to forbid such intimacies." + +"He is going to New York to-morrow morning, with the expectation of +having his sight restored, after being blind nearly twelve years." + +"I presume he is very poor, else you would not take such strong interest +in him." + +"He has no money. In other respects he is the richest person I ever +knew." + +"Ah, he is a most remarkable individual. However, I dare say a little +money will not come amiss to him, notwithstanding his wealth. You will +want another quarter's instalment." + +"Is my quarter up?" I caught Mrs. Flaxman's warning look, and spoke +rather guiltily. + +"Not quite, but this is a peculiarly urgent case. Probably he is wholly +dependent on your bounty." + +"Doctor Mackenzie told me that the doctor in New York won't charge +anything for removing the cataract from his eyes." + +"I see you have gone about it, in a very businesslike manner. Does +MacKenzie charge for his advice?" + +"Why, no, indeed; surely all men are not heartless." + +"In money matters they are, more or less; possibly widowers should be +excepted." + +"It is a pity some others should not lose a wife or two. A few might +require to lose half a dozen, at least." + +"That would be cruel. Think what an upsetting of one's plans and business +arrangements generally that would entail." + +"It might prove an excellent discipline. Nothing short of an earthquake, +I believe, would teach some men kindliness and their brotherhood with +pain." + +He received my remark with such unruffled serenity that I was angry with +myself for engaging in a wordy warfare with him, when he was sure to be +victorious. He sat with us for a short time after dinner, chatting so +graciously that I came to the conclusion he was not, after all, so out of +sympathy with my little benevolent projects as his words often implied. +When he rose to go he came to me, and, taking out his pocket-book counted +out fifty dollars and laid them in my hand. He paused a moment with the +pocket-book still open. + +"This is a special case, little one," he said, kindly. "May I be +permitted to contribute something for your friend?" + +He laid another note in my hand, but I did not wait to see the amount. I +started to my feet impulsively. + +"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, I must confess to you. I have not been real honest. +Won't you forgive me?" + +I felt the tears rush to my eyes, and my lips quivered like some +frightened child's, making me feel sadly ashamed of myself. He looked +startled. + +"What is it, Medoline?" + +"I earned the money myself. I have been selling pictures." + +"Is that the worst offense you have to confess?" he asked, with a keen +look into my upturned face. + +"It is the worst just now," I faltered. + +"Very well, then, I will forgive you; but I must stipulate to see your +pictures before they go to market after this, and also that you consult +with me first before launching into other business enterprises. You might +be tempted with something not quite so suitable for a young lady as +picture-selling." + +"You are so kind to me, Mr. Winthrop, I will tell you everything after +this." + +"No rash promises, please. Before the winter is over you will be plunged +into tears and distress again over some fresh exploit." + +"I won't mind a few tears if I get your forgiveness in the end." + +He went directly to his study, leaving Mrs. Flaxman and myself to the +cheerful quiet of our fireside. She turned to me saying, + +"Tell me all about your blind friend, Medoline. How you first got to know +him, and what he is like." + +I very gladly gave her as full a picture as I was able of the Larkums and +Mr. Bowen, their poverty and his goodness included. + +"You have made all these discoveries in a few months, and been doing so +much for them, and here have I been living beside them for years and did +not even know of their existence. What makes the difference in us, +Medoline?" she exclaimed sorrowfully. + +"I think God must have planned my meeting in the train with Mrs. Blake. I +would not have known but for her." + +"I expect He plans many an opportunity for us to serve our generation, +but we are too selfishly indolent to do the work he puts in our way." + +"When I came to Oaklands at first it seemed as if my life was completed, +and I wondered how I was to occupy the days, and years stretching out so +long before me. Now I believe I could find work to occupy me for a +thousand years; that is, if Mr. Winthrop lived too, and continued to help +me with my reading and studies," I added, thinking how much the latter +employment added to my enjoyment. + +"If Mr. Bowen gets his eyesight, that will be a greatly added source of +satisfaction to you," she said, wistfully. + +"Yes, I shall seem to be looking at the green fields, and flowers, and +starry skies through his eyes." + +"You are as glad to have him so richly benefited through your means, as +if he were rich and famous." + +"Why, much more so. Think what a change there will be in his +circumstances now." + +"Medoline, I think your mother's prayers will be answered." + +I turned around eagerly, "Was she a real Christian, Mrs. Flaxman?" + +"Yes, a real one, especially after her children were born. Her great +desire for them was that they might all be pure and unspotted from the +world. All of them, save you, are with her in Heaven. You may have a life +of peculiar temptation, but I believe you will be brought out of it among +the pure in heart at last." + +"Why should my life have peculiar temptations, Mrs. Flaxman?" I asked +anxiously. + +"I cannot explain to you now my reasons for thinking so. Some day I may +tell you." + +"I suppose it is because I am not like other girls of my age," I said +with a sigh. + +"No dear, that is not the reason. I should not have spoken so +unguardedly." + +"I might try to overcome the temptations if I were warned of their +nature." + +"You are a persevering child, Medoline--but still only a child in heart." + +"I am over eighteen, Mrs. Flaxman. I wonder why you and Mr. Winthrop +persist in making me out a child. When will I be a woman?" + +"Not till your heart gets wakened." + +"I wonder when that will be. Does it mean love and marriage, Mrs. +Flaxman?" + +"It means the former; the latter may not follow with you." + +"Why not? But there, I do not want to leave you and Mr. Winthrop and +Oaklands. No man could tempt me from you. But what did you mean by saying +that I might love and yet not marry?" + +"Because you are too true to your woman's instincts to marry any one +unless it was the man you loved." + +I fell into a brown study over her words, and the conversation was not +again resumed. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +HOPE REALIZED. + + +Mrs. Larkum's recovery was slow, and it required all the nourishing food +we could provide to start the springs of life working healthfully. Her +mind had dwelt so long upon her bereavement, and dark outlook into the +future that a naturally robust, and well-fed person might have succumbed, +but when to a delicate organization had been added the most meagre fare +possible to support human existence, it was no wonder nature rebelled. +It was a new experience to me, and a very agreeable one, to watch the +pinched faces of the children grow round and rosy, and to hear their +merry laughter. + +The mother waited with feverish anxiety for tidings from her father, but +for several weeks no word came; at last she began to fear he might have +died under the strain of the operation. Mrs. Blake began to get anxious +too, while there flitted before her fancy gruesome thoughts as to what +might have been done to the poor body left to the care of those heartless +doctors. + +"I can't see why they take such delight in mangling dead people to see +how they are put together. With all their trying they'll never be able +to make a body themselves." + +"It is in that way they have learned how to cure diseases and relieve +pain," I assured her. "We ought to be grateful to them for taking so +much trouble to relieve us of our miseries." + +"I dare say we'd ought, I never thought of it that way before; in fact +I've been rather sot ag'in doctors. Perhaps if they hadn't cut into dead +folks' eyes, they couldn't have done for the likes of Mr. Bowen." + +"Assuredly not; and sometimes the very greatest doctors bequeathe their +own bodies to the dissecting room; especially if they die of some +mysterious disease." + +"That is good of them. I've always reckoned doctors a pretty tight lot, +who worked for their money jest the same's the Mill hands." + +"No doubt many of them do; but some of them are almost angelic in their +sympathy for the suffering, and their longing to lessen it." + +"I believe you can see more goodness in folks than any one I know. Now +when I get cross with folks when they don't do as I think they ought, +what you say comes to my mind; and before I know I get to making excuses, +too. It's done me a sight of good being with you." + +"And you have done me good,--taken me out of self, and taught me to think +of others. I do not know how I should have been filling up my vacant +hours but for you." + +"I wish somebody would say that much to me," Mrs. Larkum said, +sorrowfully. "I don't think I am any use to any one." + +"With these lovely children to care for, what more can you ask than to +work for them?" + +"Yes, I forget charity begins at home." + +"If you hadn't fell in with me that day in the cars, and got helping us +here on the Mill Road you'd a found some other good work to do. Most +young ladies like you would a turned up their noses at a plain old +creature like me, skeered most out of their wits, talking so bold like +as I did; but you answered me so kind like, I never thought you were +anything but common folks like myself." + +"I am very thankful to God you did meet her that day. Most like I would +have been dead by this time, and father and the children on the parish," +Mrs. Larkum said, with a shudder. + +"Yes, I am right glad, myself," Mrs. Blake said, very complacently. + +"She might have been amusing herself visiting with the aristocracy," Mrs. +Larkum continued, "and dressing up every fine day, instead of coming +among us, bringing better than sunshine with her. Dr. MacKenzie told me +folks wondered at her coming among us so much; but he said he wished +more of her class was like her." + +"Now I must leave you;" I said, rising suddenly. "When you begin to +praise me, I shall always go away." + +"Don't you like us to tell you how much you have helped us?" Mrs. Larkum +asked wistfully. "It does me so much good to talk about you." + +"I believe helping you gives me more pleasure than anything I do; so why +thank me for what I enjoy?" + +"You won't mind your own kind talking about you coming to us, and doing +so much for the poor, will you?" + +"Certainly not. While I am not dependent on my neighbors for my peace of +mind, I will come to see you two as often as I can do anything for you." + +"I am glad to hear that; I don't get over one of your visits for days. +They brace me up to take hold of life, and do the best I can for father +and the children." + +"I guess if folks does talk about you, they talked about one that was +better'n any of us. I was reading the other day about the respectable +ones in their days complaining how Christ eat with publicans and +sinners," Mrs. Blake said, giving me one of her strong encouraging +glances. + +"Thank you, Mrs. Blake; after that I can brave any criticism." + +A few days later I walked in the early afternoon to the Mill Road. Cook +had prepared some special dainties for Mrs. Larkum; so with a small lunch +basket on my arm I started on my errand of mercy. + +I had been standing at my easel a good part of the forenoon, and the +satisfaction that comes from faithful work done, together with the +assurance from Mrs. Larkum that my visits carried with them something +better than sunshine, I trod swiftly over the frozen streets, quite +content with life and its developments. I met Dr. MacKenzie on the way. +He stopped to shake hands, and with an almost boyish eagerness, said: +"Have you heard the news?" + +"Not anything special. I hope you have some good news for me." + +"Well, our friend Mr. Bowen has been heard from. The doctor has performed +his miracle." + +"Can he see as well as ever?" I cried joyously. + +"I believe so." + +I could not keep back the troublesome tears. "I am so glad you told me," +I murmured, and then nodded my adieus rather abruptly, for I was ashamed +of my emotion. It seemed perfectly fitting to me, as I walked briskly +along, that Dr. MacKenzie should be the first to tell me the news; for, +but for him, we should never have thought of making the experiment. That +very evening I met him at a party at Mrs. Silas Markham's, when he gave +me the full particulars I was too tender hearted to hear in the morning. +In answer to his inquiries, the occulist had written to him some special +circumstances of the case. He described Mr. Bowen's extreme patience. +"Such an instance of perfect trust in God is refreshing to meet with," +he wrote; "and but for this his case would probably have proved hopeless, +since it was one of the worst cases we have treated successfully." + +"His religion has helped him wonderfully all through his terrible +affliction. I wonder will he be just as devout as ever?" I said. + +"I think so. He is not made of the stuff that forgets favors received +from God or man." + +"I think he will have stronger reasons than mere gratitude to keep him +close to the Lord," I said, thinking of the joy he had in communion with +the Divine, even amid his darkness and poverty. + +That same day, after leaving the doctor, I proceeded first to Mrs. +Blake's to tell her the news. She threw a shawl over her head and +accompanied me directly to Mrs. Larkum's. We found her sitting in a +comfortable, though rather ancient easy-chair, which I had exhumed, along +with a good many other useful articles, from the garret at Oaklands. The +two older children we interrupted taking a lesson at their mother's knee. +The primer was gladly laid aside, while the children came coyly to my +side, quite certain there was a delectable bite for them somewhere in my +pockets. I dismissed that care from my mind by dividing the sweets, and +then gave Mrs. Larkum her lunch. She sat enjoying the dainty food, +sharing now and then a taste with the little ones, who had a keen +appreciation for Oaklands' cookery. I sat watching the group, glancing +now and then at Mrs. Blake's eloquent face with a good deal of +satisfaction. I was anxious to break the news carefully and scarce knew +how to begin, when Mrs. Larkum looked up at me eagerly and said: + +"Have you any news from father?" + +"What makes you think she has news?" Mrs. Blake asked. + +"I dreamed last night you brought me a letter, and I was afraid to open +it, and woke up all trembling and frightened. When I saw you coming +to-day, my heart stood still for a second or two." + +"Your dream is partly true, only the news is good. Dr. MacKenzie told me +they have every hope that your father will see as well as ever." + +I was not prepared for the effect, my words produced. A pallor overspread +her face; before Mrs. Blake could reach her she had fainted. That good +woman was always ready for any emergency. She very calmly laid her down +on the floor and proceeded to bring her back to consciousness. The +children raised a dismal wail; but this she instantly quieted by marching +them off to the bedroom. + +While she applied cold water vigorously, and rubbed the nerveless hands, +I asked in much alarm, seeing how long and deathlike was her swoon: "Is +she really dead?" + +"Bless you, no. She's one of them high-strung women that takes everything +hard. She fainted over and over when her husband was fetched home dead. I +did think then she'd drop off; but joy don't kill like trouble." + +Presently the poor creature struggled back to consciousness. + +"I am afraid I have frightened you," she said, with a feeble attempt at +apology. + +"Pray do not think of us. I may have been to blame in breaking the news +so suddenly." + +"No, indeed; the fault was not in you; but I have had so many shocks the +least thing upsets me. Dr. MacKenzie told me that my heart is not in a +healthy state." + +"I should say that was the matter with your whole body. It's a pretty +rickety concern, like my old rocking-chair. Every day I'm looking for +it to go to pieces under me," Mrs. Blake remarked. + +"I am not nearly so bad as that; I do not expect to fall to pieces for a +good many years, now that father has got his sight. He will be able to +keep us comfortable, like we used to be years ago." + +Mrs. Blake having got her patient back into the chair, administered wine +and water to prevent a recurrence of the malady. + +A week or two after this Esmerelda informed me one morning that there +were great rejoicings in the Mill Road. + +"I think they would like to see you there. I heard Mr. Bowen and some of +them talking about you last night, after meeting." + +"Mr. Bowen--was he there?" + +"Oh, yes; and he sees as well as anybody." + +"I will go to-day," I said, with difficulty restraining my delight. + +"Some of the people who attend Beech Street Church think you are a little +above everybody in Cavendish." + +Esmerelda spoke with great cordiality. Now that I had been to New York, +and the dressmakers there had transformed me, outwardly, into a +fashionable woman, I noticed that her respect had considerably increased; +and, furthermore, that some of her own costumes had been made in almost +exact imitation of mine. No higher compliment than this could Esmerelda +have paid me; neither could I help acknowledging that she looked very +graceful and lady-like in her Sunday garment, and often I fell to +speculating how she would have appeared if half her life had been spent +at a first-class boarding-school. A painful sensation, probably akin to +jealousy, suggested that probably she would have satisfied my guardian's +fastidious tastes better than I could ever do. + +But I could never treat her in the same cordial way that I treated +Mrs. Blake and the Larkums, and several others of her class. These +instinctively made me feel that, no matter how friendly I might be, there +was no danger of their trying to assert an equality, which I suppose has +existed among the members of the human family since shortly after the +expulsion from Eden. With Esmerelda the case was different. + +That day I betook myself to the Mill Road with a good deal of expectancy. +I was anxious to see the look of recognition in those once sightless, +disfigured eyes, and to hear how the long-concealed delights of a visible +world once more appeared. As I was walking rapidly along the street, I +saw, approaching me on the Mill Road, one whom I had never noticed there +before. He walked with a quick, energetic step, as if existence was a +rapture and yet I saw, beneath the soft felt hat, gray hairs that +betokened him a man past the prime of life. Strange to say, I did not +recognize the pedestrian and was surprised to see him pause, and hold out +his hand uncertainly, as if he were hardly sure of my identity. + +"I think this is Miss Selwyn." Swiftly the assurance came to me that this +was Mr. Bowen. + +"Is it possible you should first recognize me? I did not for an instant +think it was you." + +"I had the conviction all along that I should know you, no matter where +our first meeting might take place." + +"Persons are generally disappointed in the looks of their friends after +sight has been restored. You must be an exception to the general rule, or +else your perceptions are keener than the average sufferers from loss of +sight." I looked closely into the eyes of my companion, and saw that they +were unusually fine and expressive. He turned with me, saying, with a +beautiful deference: + +"May I walk back with you?" + +"I shall be disappointed if you do not give me a little of your time. I +only heard to-day that you were at home, and have come on purpose to see +you. My curiosity has been extreme to know how the world looks after your +long night." + +"Nearly everything is changed, but mostly man and his works. When the +bandages were finally removed, and all the other necessary restrictions, +I asked to have my first glimpse of the outer world into the starry +night. I do not think our language has a well deep enough to express what +I felt in that first glimpse. But the human faces are sadly changed. +Poverty and care, I find, are not beautifiers. My own daughter looks a +stranger; only when I hear her speak. My own face surprised me most. It +is changed past recognition." + +He spoke a little sadly. I could think of no comforting words. After we +had walked on some time in silence, he said: + +"I do not think the revelations after death will be any stranger than +those of the past few weeks. My blindness and restoration to sight have, +in a measure, anticipated the full return of all the faculties that +death, for a brief season, takes from us." + +"Do you think any experience we have in this world touches on those +mysteries of the first hours of immortal life? I cannot imagine any +sensation that will be common to the two existences." + +"There is certainly one--probably very, very many. I cannot believe +there will be much change in the relationship that exists between the +consecrated soul and its centre of attraction. Deepened, intensified, it +no doubt will be; but not radically changed." + +My thoughts instantly turned to the words the oculist had written. No +wonder a man living so far within the confines of the unseen should be +able to exercise almost superhuman patience under the most trying +exigencies of life. When we reached the broken gate leading into the +house, he paused and turned to me. He was silent for a few seconds, and +then said, apparently with an effort: "I want to thank you for what you +have done for me. Last night, on my way home from the house of prayer, I +was hunting up the constellations that once I loved to trace and call by +name, and, in some way, you were brought to mind with all that you have +generously done for me; and then, and there, I tried to frame some words +of gratitude by which to express what I felt. In Heaven I may be able; +for only there we shall have language for our utmost stretch of thought." + +"Perhaps before we meet there, as I pray God we may do, I may have more +reason for gratitude than you. Have you not told me that your daily +prayer is for my salvation?" + +I said good-bye hurriedly without waiting for a reply, and turned my face +homeward. Gradually there was coming into my heart the hope that ere long +I might come into the same wealthy place where he walked with such +serenity even amid life's sore trials. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +CHRISTMAS-TIDE. + + +Christmas was rapidly approaching, and the pleasant English custom of +celebrating it with good cheer, and in a festive way, Mrs. Flaxman told +me, was a fixed rule at Oaklands. The dinner provided for the master's +table was sufficient in quantity for every member of the household to +share, down to the ruddy-haired Samuel. In addition to this, Mr. Winthrop +remembered each one of his domestics when distributing his Christmas +gifts. Mrs. Flaxman confided to me that Samuel was consumed with a desire +to have his gift in the shape of a watch. I proceeded forthwith to +gratify, if possible, this humble ambition, and first went to the +different jewelers' establishments in Cavendish to see how much one would +cost. On careful examination I was surprised to find a fine large watch +could be got so reasonably. At the time I was as ignorant as Samuel +himself of the interior mechanism of these clever contrivances to tell +the hours. The day before Christmas I presented myself as was always the +case, with some trepidation, before my guardian, following him into the +library shortly after breakfast, even though I knew it was his busiest +hour. + +"I wish to consult with you about a couple of my Christmas gifts," I said +directly, "if you have leisure to give me a few moments." + +"I am never too busy to hear anything you may wish to say, especially +anything in connection with your benevolent projects," he said, quite +genially. + +"Are you going to buy the stable boy a watch?" + +"Certainly not anything so unnecessary for that wooden-headed youth. I +doubt if he could make out the hour if he possessed one." + +"Oh, yes he could. Boys are not nearly so stupid as you might imagine," I +responded assuringly. "He is very anxious for one. I have been examining +the jeweller's stock and can get a very nice-looking watch for five +dollars. I was surprised, and think they are marvels of cheapness." + +"You go entirely by looks, I see, in the matter; but that is all that +bright-hued youth will require. Yes, by all means get the watch. Thereby +you will add considerably to the pile of human happiness, for a short +time, at all events." + +"Would five dollars be too high to pay for one?" I asked doubtfully. + +"If you can secure one at a lower price do so by all means," he said with +apparent sincerity. + +"There were some for two and a half dollars; but they looked rather large +for a boy of his size." + +"The less boy the more watch, I should say; but be sure and get a large +chain. If the watch gets to be trying on his nerves, he can use the chain +to put an end to his troubles." + +"If he needed them, there are plenty of straps and rope ends about the +stable; but Samuel enjoys life too keenly to be easily disconcerted at a +few trials. I was looking at the chains too. I did not know before that +jewelry was so low priced." + +"Yes?" he responded, more as a question than affirmation. + +"I saw elegant watch chains at one of the stores for fifty cents. I told +the clerk who I wanted them for, and he very kindly interested himself, +and showed me some that he called 'dead bargains.'" + +"Go then, by all means, and secure a bargain for the boy. I will advance +the money." + +"Oh, thank you, I prefer making the gift myself. I want also to get +something for Thomas, and I cannot think of anything but a gun or a book. +Do you know if he likes to shoot things?" + +"If Thomas developed a taste for fire-arms he might take to shooting +promiscuously, and life at Oaklands would no longer be so safe as at +present. I should certainly advise a book." + +"But some of them say he cannot read." + +"It is high time, then, for him to learn. Thomas is a marvel of thrift, +and he won't be satisfied to have the book bring in no return. A school +book would be a judicious selection." + +"I saw a book down town about horses and their diseases and treatment. +Cook says, 'Thomas dearly loves to fix up medicines for his horses.'" + +"Very well. Now that matter is settled, have you any further inquiries to +make about Christmas presents?" + +"Not any more, thank you." + +"Then I will tell you a bit of news. I expect Mr. Bovyer here this +evening. It is a great favor for him to confer on us at this +season--coming to brighten our Christmas." + +"I fancied we had the prospect of a very joyous Christmas without help +from abroad. To look at the pantry one might imagine we were going to +entertain half of Cavendish to-morrow." + +"I noticed a wistful look on your face when you came in that the purchase +of a gun and watch could not wholly account for. Tell me, what is it?" + +"Mr. Winthrop, can you really read my thoughts?" I exclaimed, in genuine +alarm. + +"Suppose I try. You would like to have a spread for your Mill Road +pensioners; possibly at the Blakes or among some of them, and thereby +utilize our overplus of provisions. Have I read aright?" My face flushed +hotly, for this certainly had been in my mind for days; but I had not +courage to make the request. + +"You do not answer my question," he said, after awhile, seeing me stand +silent. + +"One cannot be punished for their thoughts, Mr. Winthrop." + +"Then this was your thought?" he questioned. + +"Surely you must be angry with me for wishing to do it. I did not mention +it to Mrs. Flaxman, or any one." + +"Why, not, indeed. If cook is willing to share her good things with the +Mill Road people, and Mrs. Flaxman will accompany you to preserve the +proprieties, I do not see anything to hinder. I will provide all the +apples and confectionery your hungry crowd can consume for dessert." + +I stood in amazement, scarce knowing how to express my gratitude. A +sudden desire seized me to put my arms around his neck and give him a +genuine filial caress. + +"I wish you were my father, Mr. Winthrop," I exclaimed, impulsively. + +"Why so?" + +"I might be able then to thank you in some comfortable fashion." + +"I understand what you mean, little one. I told you once that I was not +anxious to have you regard me in a filial way." Then turning the subject +abruptly he said: + +"You can make all your arrangements regardless of any reasonable expense. +One may permit themselves to be a trifle generous and childish once a +year. If you see any more remarkable bargains, you can secure them and +have a Christmas tree. Have the goods charged to me." + +I did not attempt a reply. My heart just then was too near bubbling over +to permit speech to be safe or convenient. I slipped quietly from the +room. I had a comfortable feeling that my guardian could actually read my +thoughts, and knew how I regarded his act and himself. + +I went directly to Mrs. Flaxman. She entered cordially into my plans, but +looked a good deal surprised when I told her it was Mr. Winthrop's +suggestion. + +"I believe, dear, in your unselfish, impulsive way, you have taken the +very wisest possible course with him. I never hoped to see this day." + +"I believe it amuses him. I have the impression that he is working me up +into a book, only making me out more ridiculous than he ought. You cannot +imagine how I long, and yet dread to see the book." + +"But he does not write stories; so you need not be troubled about that." + +"He can write them if he chooses, and very clever ones too, I am certain. +He may be encouraging me to go on just to find out how it will all end, +but I am only one in a universe full of souls; and if others, many +others, get benefited, there will be far greater gain than loss." + +"That is the true, brave spirit to have, and the only kind that will +bring genuine happiness." + +"Now to return to our festival. Do you think cook will be willing to +share her abundance with us?" + +"Go and ask her, I do not think she will disappoint you." + +I went directly to the large, cheery kitchen, a favorite haunt of mine +of late. It was always so clean and homely, and cook was usually in a +gracious mood and permitted me to assist in any of her culinary +undertakings when I was so minded. + +Among my other enterprises I had an ambition to become a practical +housekeeper in case I might some day be married to a poor man, and have a +family to bake and brew for with my own hands. + +When I entered the kitchen I found her more than usually busy, with both +Reynolds and Esmerelda pressed into the service. + +"Shall we ever get all your dainties eaten? Won't they spoil on your +hands?" + +"I dare say some of them will; but Christmas time we expect a little to +go to waste." + +"Don't you give away some?" I asked. + +"All that's asked for." + +"I am so glad to hear it. I want some ever so much." + +"What's up now?" she asked, scarcely with her accustomed deference. + +"I want so much to have a little treat for my friends, if you will only +help. It all depends on you." + +"Why certainly; it's my place to cook for all the parties you choose to +make. It's not my place to dictate how the victuals is to be used." + +"You do not understand me. It is not here that I wish to entertain my +friends. Mr. Winthrop has given his permission, on condition you are +willing." She was greatly mollified at this and responded heartily. "Of +course I'm willing; and, bless me, there's plenty to give a good share to +them that needs it; and I guess it's them you're wanting to give it to." + +"Thank you very, very much. Now you must come to my Christmas tree, and +see how much pleasure you have been able to confer. Without your consent +nothing would have been done." + +"Yes, I'll come and help you too, and you'll need me," she said, with +much good humor. I did not wait long in the kitchen, so much now must be +done. Alas, Christmas day was so near I could not celebrate my festival +on that day; but another day might find us just as happy; and after all +it would be "curdling" too much joy into one of the shortest of our days. + +I put on my wraps and went immediately to confer with Mrs. Blake. I found +her, like every one else, in the midst of busy preparations for +Christmas. + +"Dan'el got me a twelve-pound turkey and lots of other things; and he +wants a regular old-fashioned Christmas, with all the Larkums here; and +then I have one or two little folks I'm going to have in to please +myself. Poor little creatures, with a drunken father and no mother worth +speaking about." + +"Have you very much trade now?" + +"Well, consid'able; but if you're wanting me for anything I can set up +later to-night." + +"Oh, no, indeed. I just wanted to consult you about something, and I will +help you stone these raisins while I sit with you." + +"Dear heart, you needn't do that; I'll get the pudding made in plenty of +time, but what kindness have you in your plans now?" + +"A Christmas tree. I want you to tell me what to do, and where to have +it." + +"Why, the Temperance Hall, of course, just past the mills. I guess you've +never seen it." + +"That will be excellent. I did not know you had one here. Now, when shall +we have it? To-morrow will be too soon, I am afraid." + +"Yes, and it seems a pity to have so many good things all to onct. Most +everybody has a Christmas of some sort. How would Friday do." + +"Very nicely. That will be two days after Christmas. Little folks will +have recovered from the effects of their feasting by that time." + +"Well, Dan'el 'll get a tree and fix up the Hall; and tell, then, who +you'll want to invite." + +"All the children on the Mill Road may come. We will have something for +each of them." + +"I'm very glad; for there's a few children around here that hardly knows +what it is to have anything good to eat; and it'll be something for 'em +to think and talk about. They'll not forget it, or you, for a good many +years, I can tell you. If rich folks only knew how much good they might +do, I think they'd not be so neglectful." + +I soon left Mrs. Blake to continue her Christmas preparations alone, +feeling much relieved that Daniel was going to assume the responsibility +of securing the Hall, providing the tree, and notifying my guests. I got +my presents for Thomas and Samuel, and then set about the purchase of +gifts for the Christmas tree. Picture-books, jack-knives, dolls, and +other toys comprised my selection. These, I concluded, would give the +children more pleasure than the more necessary articles which an older +and wiser person would naturally have selected. I had got so absorbed in +my work that I quite forgot our expected guest until I went into the +dining-room, unfortunately a little late, and found them already engaged +at dinner, and Mr. Bovyer with them. Mr. Winthrop explained my tardiness +in such a way that I was left a little cross and uncomfortable, and took +my dinner something after the fashion of a naughty child suffering from +reproof. Before the evening was over, however, I had forgotten my passing +dissatisfaction; for Mr. Bovyer was in one of his inspired moods when he +sat at the piano. + +I noticed afterward that Mrs. Flaxman's eyes were very red; but while he +was playing my attention was taken up in part with the music, and partly +in furtively watching Mr. Winthrop. He seemed ill at ease, and restless; +while Mr. Bovyer's utmost efforts were powerless to move him to tears. +When we had all drawn cosily around the fire, after the music was ended, +I remarked with some regret, "I do not think Mr. Winthrop has any tears +to shed. His eyes were as dry as a bone." + +"The night is too fine for such an effect. Wait until we have a storm," +he said, with a smile. + +"Your nerves are too strong for a storm to affect them. Something very +different will be required. I am afraid we must give you up." + +"Life is too smooth with him for music or anything æsthetic to ruffle the +deeper springs. Wait until he has storms and whirlwinds to withstand." +Mr. Bovyer said, calmly. + +"Oh I hope he will never have them, he has not patience like--some," I +added, after a pause. I was going to say Mr. Bowen. + +"You must know that my ward has taken my measure very correctly. She is +better than a looking-glass. Indeed I was not aware until lately that I +had so many shortcomings." + +"Medicine for a mind diseased, administered by a gentle hand, cannot be +hard to take." + +"The softest hand can sometimes wound the deepest." + +"Mr. Winthrop, surely I have never wounded you! I have not the power. To +think so would give me pain; for, in your way, you have been kind to +me--more so than I deserve," I said, impulsively. + +"We are always trembling in the verge of tragedy," he said lightly, and +then rang for refreshments; and after that we retired. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +THE CHRISTMAS TREE. + + +Christmas morning dawned bright and clear, the one drawback the lack of +snow. Thomas had everything in readiness, and every one in the house was +looking forward to a sleigh-ride. However, all the other Christmas +customs were observed. Before breakfast was the general distribution +of gifts. We were all assembled at the usual breakfast hour in the +dining-room, when Mrs. Flaxman rang the bell for the servants to come +in. Reynolds was the first to appear. She took her seat nearest to Mr. +Winthrop; then Mrs. Jones, the cook, and Thomas, Esmerelda, and Samuel +came in. + +Reynolds got her present first--a nice black silk dress. I saw by the +pleased flush in her face that she was considerably astonished. The +others, each a five-dollar bill; and for Samuel, a jack-knife that would +be the envy of all his comrades. Mrs. Flaxman had something for each one +of them, and then I followed. When I reached Samuel and handed him the +watch from which was suspended a glittering chain, his politeness quite +forsook him. "Golly, but that's a stunner," he ejaculated involuntarily. +Suddenly remembering himself he said, very humbly: "Thank you, ma'am." +Thomas regarded his book with some apprehension; but turning over the +leaves, the pictures of so many handsome horses reconciled him. After +they had filed out I took my opportunity to deliver the gifts I had +prepared with much care for Mr. Winthrop and Mrs. Flaxman; for the latter +an idealized portrait of Hubert, in a heavy gilt frame, which I had +painted from a photograph; and for Mr. Winthrop a much better picture of +Oaklands than the one he already possessed. + +I turned to Mr. Bovyer uncertainly, and, after a moment hesitation, said: +"I have a bit of my work here for you; but it is so little worth. I am +ashamed to offer it." I handed him the folded leaves, tied with ribbons, +of Longfellow's "Reapers and the Angels," which I had spent some time in +trying to illustrate, with the hope one day of turning it into cash. He +thanked me, I thought, with unnecessary fervor, considering the smallness +of the gift, and stood examining my poor attempt to express the poet's +meaning by brush and pencil. + +"I say, Winthrop, this is really clever for one so young." + +Mr. Winthrop took the book and turned over the leaves. + +"You have reason to be proud, Medoline, that one of our severest art +critics has pronounced favorably on your work. Perhaps the being +remembered on Christmas morning has made him blind to its faults." + +"I find Mr. Winthrop a very healthy corrective against any flattering +remarks of my other friends, I accept him as a sort of mental tonic," I +said, turning to Mr. Bovyer. + +"Our morning's work is not yet completed," Mr. Winthrop said. "Please +excuse me a moment." He went into the library, and returning shortly, he +went first to Mrs. Flaxman and gave her a good sized parcel. I was +waiting so eagerly to see her open it that I scarce thought if I, too, +should be remembered; but after standing for a few seconds by the fire he +came to my side and gave me a tiny box done up carelessly in a bit of +paper. I opened it, when the most beautiful diamond ring I ever saw +glittered a moment after on my finger. + +"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, is this really and truly mine?" + +"Really and truly, yes." + +In my surprise and delight I lifted the ring to my lips and kissed it. + +"That is the prettiest compliment paid to a gift I ever witnessed," Mr. +Bovyer said, with a smile. + +"Medoline has her own way of doing things. I find her refreshingly +original." + +"That is almost better than the ring," I murmured gratefully, looking up +into his face. + +"Shall we have breakfast served now?" He turned abruptly round and +touched the bell. I bethought me of Mrs. Flaxman and looked just in +time to see her slipping off an elegant sealskin dolman, while her eyes +looked very dewy and tender. + +"Mr. Winthrop, you are making this Christmas-tide positively regal with +your gifts. So many of us that you have gladdened--Mill Road folks and +all," I said, not able wholly to restrain my affectionate impulses as I +laid my hand lightly on his--the first time I had ever so touched him. + +He folded his other hand over mine for an instant, and then we sat down +to the breakfast which had just been brought in. + +Mr. Winthrop and Mr. Bovyer spent the greater part of the day together +alone. After breakfast they took a long horseback ride across country, +only reaching home in time for luncheon, and then Mr. Winthrop had some +choice additions to his library to exhibit, that kept them employed until +dinner. Mrs. Flaxman smiled at the way Mr. Bovyer's time was engrossed by +my guardian, but I do not think either of us regretted it; for we had so +many happy fancies of our own to dwell upon that the brief December day +seemed all too short. Just before dinner I went to the kitchen to see how +Samuel was getting on with his timepiece, but found that he had been away +all day. + +"That watch of his has been more talked about in Cooper's Lane, where his +folks live, than anything else, I'll warrant, this day," Thomas assured +me. "He'll be back soon. The smell of dinner always fetches him home." + +We had scarce done speaking when I heard his step at the door, and +presently he came in. His watch-chain was arranged in most conspicuous +fashion across his waistcoat, and caught the light very cheerfully as he +stood near the lamp. + +"What's the time?" Thomas asked soberly; but Samuel was too smart to be +so easily trapped. + +"There's the clock right afore your eyes." + +"The time maybe'd be better from a bran new watch." + +I did not linger to hear more of their badinage, but the look of +satisfaction on Samuel's face found a reflection in my own heart, and I +wondered in what way I could have spent a few dollars to procure a larger +amount of happiness. We had quite a large dinner party that evening. Mr. +Hill, our minister, was there, with his wife and grown-up daughter, and +some half-dozen others of our Cavendish acquaintances. I found the hour +at dinner rather heavy and tiresome. My neighbors on my right and left +being--the one a regular diner-out whose conversation was mostly +gustatory, and the other a youth whose ideas never seemed to rise above +the part of his hair or cut of his garments. I noticed Mr. Bovyer sitting +further up on the other side of the table looking quite as bored as I +felt, his next neighbor being a young lady the exact counterpart in ideas +and aims of the youth beside me. The dinner itself was a triumph of +cook's skill, and, as is usually the case with a dinner suitably +prepared, its effect was composing. Mr. Winthrop neither drank wine nor +smoked, and did not encourage these habits in his guests; so that we all +left the table together and proceeded to the drawing-room. I was the last +of the ladies to pass from the room, and Mr. Bovyer joined me and +accompanied me into the drawing-room. I was getting interested in his +conversation, when Mr. Winthrop came and urged for some music. + +"It is impossible just now; I do not feel as if I could do justice even +to 'Hail Columbia.'" + +"Then, Medoline, you will give us some of your German songs, and, by the +time you are through, Mr. Bovyer will be in the mood to enchant us." + +"With the exception of our school examinations, I never played before so +many persons in my life. I shall find it very hard," I said, already +beginning to tremble with nervousness. + +"It will be an excellent opportunity to display your ring." + +My face crimsoned. Possibly I had allowed the hand that wore my diamond +ring a little too much freedom; but the sparkle of the beautiful gem, +that just now reminded me of a huge tear-drop, pleased me; for I was +still much of a child at heart. + +As we were crossing the room, I said: "It is not good taste for me to +take the piano first. There are others here who should have been +invited." + +"Tut, child; I never ask them. They would distract me with their noise." + +"Is that not an indirect compliment for me?" I said, looking up at him, +my good humor partially restored. + +"I shall be compelled to designate you the mark of interrogation--call +you rogue for shortness." + +"After this morning's experience, I shall not be able to find any name +nice enough for you," I said, gently. + +"That is cruel--literally smothering me with coals of fire." + +I turned over my music with trembling fingers; for, more than all, I +dreaded Mr. Bovyer. Selecting one of the simplest songs, I sat down, +determined to go resolutely through with it. When I ceased, I found that +Mr. Bovyer had joined us. I rose hastily. "I am so glad you have come; +you will reward my obedience to Mr. Winthrop, surely?" + +"Yes--by asking for some more of that tender music of the Fatherland. My +mother used to croon that song over us in childhood." + +Mr. Winthrop joined his commands; so I complied, with a German martial +song; and then, rising quickly, I went to the further side of the room, +and took a seat beside Mrs. Hill. + +"You have got tired before the rest of us, dear." + +"I would not like to tire you. Mr. Bovyer is going to play now, and we +shall none of us be in danger of weariness." + +And he did play as I had never heard him do before, filling the room with +harmonies that sometimes grew painful in their excess of sweetness. +Conversation ceased utterly--a compliment not usually paid to musicians, +I had noticed, in Cavendish. + +I glanced occasionally at Mr. Winthrop, who had taken a seat not far from +where I was sitting. He sat with eyes closed, but not betraying, by a +single muscle of the strong, self-contained face, that the music was +affecting him in the slightest. + +"This evening has given us something to remember until our dying day," +Mrs. Hill said, with a deep sigh of satisfaction, after Mr. Bovyer ceased +playing. "It was exceedingly kind in Mr. Winthrop permitting us to share +in the evening's enjoyment." + +"Was it for this he invited you?" I asked, with surprise. + +"That was the inducement to leave our homes on Christmas Day. But we do +not need a special inducement to come to Oaklands; we always consider +it a high privilege to be Mr. Winthrop's guest." + +"Yes, he can be very charming when he chooses," I said, unthinkingly, but +very sorry for my remark directly it was uttered. "Then you were only +invited here this morning, since Mr. Bovyer had only just arrived?" I +asked. + +"Oh, no, indeed; our invitations were received a week ago. Mr. Winthrop +knew he was coming." + +All these people knew Mr. Bovyer was coming, and a gala time planned for +Christmas, and I was kept in ignorance. Mr. Winthrop don't regard me of +enough importance to be intrusted with the merest trifles of everyday +life, I thought, sorrowfully; but just then my eye fell on the ring, when +it flashed into my gloomy heart a ray of light brighter than any sunbeam. + +The two following days I was so absorbed in my Christmas tree that I paid +very little attention to our guest, or anything going on about me, save +what was directly connected with the duty in hand. A list of all the +names had first to be got, and then each gift properly labeled. Muslin +bags, ornamented with bright-colored wools, were to be made, and filled +with nuts and confectionery; and, last of all, the tree had to be +dressed. Mr. Bowen and Daniel Blake entered so heartily into the spirit +of the undertaking that I found my own labors greatly lessened. Thomas +cheerfully gave up his most cherished plans to carry the supplies to the +hall, and things generally went on very satisfactorily. Others, too, sent +in hampers filled with Christmas dainties; among the rest, one from Mrs. +Hill, to whom I had very fully described my undertaking. Mrs. Blake +watched the heap slowly accumulating with a very preoccupied face; at +last she spoke her mind freely: + +"It seems a pity to have all these things eat up, and get no good from +'em. Now, I'd like to charge a trifle, and let every one come that wants +to." + +"What would be done with the money?" + +"There's plenty of ways to spend it; but if I could have a say in the +matter I'd like to give it to them poor little creatures I had for dinner +Christmas. The mother's jest heart-broke. I believe you could count their +bones; leastways all of them that's next the skin. I railly thought I +could not get them filled; but I did at last, and then they was stupid +like, they'd been short of victuals so long." + +"Are their clothes as poor as their bodies?" + +"Yes, indeed; and it does seem hard this cold weather for little children +to have neither flesh nor flannels over the bones." + +"I am perfectly willing to make a small charge, if you can let it be +known in time for the people to be prepared." + +"Oh, Dan'el and Mr. Bowen 'll see to that. Put up a notice in the mill +and post-office; everybody 'll find it out." + +So it was agreed that we should make the grown up folk pay something; but +I insisted the price must not exceed twenty-five cents. + +I went home to luncheon on Friday, very tired, but also very enthusiastic +over our tree. If I could secure Mr. Winthrop's consent to a plain +dinner, our entire domestic force could attend, and they were all eager +to do so. He and Mr. Bovyer were engaged in a warm discussion over some +knotty subject as they entered the dining-room, thereby compelling me to +leave my question for sometime unasked. But Mr. Bovyer presently turned +to me and said, + +"Really, Miss Selwyn, you must think we have forgotten your existence." + +"Oh, no, indeed; but I should like you to converse on something within +nearer range of my faculties for a little while." + +"We are all attention." + +I turned to Mr. Winthrop as he spoke: + +"Is it really imperative that you have a regular dinner to-day? Could you +not take something easily prepared, a cup of tea, for instance, and some +cold meats, and the like?" + +"You propose a genuine funeral repast. Is anything about to happen?" + +"Our Christmas tree; and our entire household is eager to go, yourself +excepted." + +"Why can't we all go?" Mr. Bovyer suggested, with considerable eagerness. + +Mr. Winthrop looked aghast. + +"They would think on the Mill Road the millennium was dawning if Mr. +Winthrop were to step down among them," I said. + +"Then by all means let us foster the illusion." + +"I will take the baked meats, Medoline, or a cracker and cheese--anything +rather than that crowd." + +"That is ever so kind. I will come home to brew you a cup of tea myself. +Ever since I was a child I have wanted to prepare a meal all alone--it +will be really better than the Christmas tree; I mean more enjoyable." + +"You have the greatest capacity for simple pleasures of any one I ever +knew. We shall accept your services. Before you are through, you may find +the task not so enjoyable as you think; but at the very worst we will +give our help." + +"Thank you very much; but one ignoramus blundering in the kitchen will be +better than three." + +Mrs. Flaxman looked greatly amused, but she very willingly gave her +consent for me to come home while the guests were absorbed with their +supper, and gratify my life-long yearning. The others were quite as well +pleased as I; and cook permitted me to concoct, unaided, some special +dishes for our repast. I laid the table myself, not accepting the +slightest help from any one. My cooking ventures turned out quite +successfully, and after a while my preparations were completed, so +far as was possible, until the finishing touches just before dinner was +served. I went and dressed myself for the evening's entertainment. I took +equal pains with my costume, as if I were going to entertain a party of +friends at home, and it may be I was foolish enough to have a feeling of +elation that my Mill Road friends should see me for once dressed like a +real lady. The picture that my glass gave back when the pleasant task was +all completed was comfortably reassuring. Mrs. Flaxman I found waiting +for me, when I went downstairs. Thomas had brought out at her direction a +huge, old-fashioned carriage, that in the old days they had christened +"Noah's Ark," and into it we all crowded, even including Samuel, who had +an ambition for once in his life to have a drive with the aristocracy. + +When we reached the hall, we found it already crowded, although it wanted +a full hour before supper was to be announced. Mr. Bowen was doorkeeper, +and on the table at his side I was glad to see a goodly heap of coin. +Mrs. Blake stood near, regarding the money with unconcealed satisfaction, +which considerably deepened when Mrs. Flaxman stepped up and shook hands +with her. Daniel seemed to be master of ceremonies, and was walking +around with a mixed air of anxiety and satisfaction. The work was new to +him, and he was somewhat uncertain all the time what to do next. But on +the whole he managed everything with good common sense. He had the +children seated directly in front of the tree, some fifty of them, he +assured me. Their faces were a picture of genuine childish delight. +Probably memory would hold this scene clearly pictured on some of their +hearts long after I was sleeping under the daisies. Long tables were +ranged down each side of the house, on which was placed the food the +people had come to enjoy. We walked slowly past them, and were surprised +at the judgment and good taste of the arrangements. I waited until the +children's tea was over. They were really the guests of the evening, and +must be first served. Then in the bustle of getting the table in +readiness for the older ones, I made my escape. + +Thomas was waiting near to drive me home, his face quite radiant at the +success of our enterprise. Arrived at Oaklands, I entered with great glee +into our culinary operations, and soon had the dinner prepared. When my +gentlemen came into the dining-room I was sitting, hot, and a trifle +anxious, at the head of the table awaiting them. My respect for the +powers in the kitchen that carried on our domestic machinery with so +little jar, greatly increased. We had a laughable time changing the +plates for our different courses. Thomas, who was installed in +Esmerelda's place at the back of my chair, was about as awkward in his +new situation as I was; but at the close of our repast, Mr. Winthrop, +with apparent sincerity, assured us he had not enjoyed a dinner so much +since his boyhood--a compliment that fully repaid me for my worry until +I had thought it well over, and saw that it was capable of several +meanings. I entertained them with a lively description of the scene going +on at the Temperance Hall. Mr. Bovyer declared his intention of +accompanying me on my return--a resolution, I could see, that was +anything but pleasing to Mr. Winthrop. I was secretly very glad, since it +was possible he might make a donation to our doorkeeper. Once on the way, +Thomas drove his horses as I had never seen him do before. Possibly he +was afraid the supper might all be consumed. He had paid his fee, and was +resolved to get his money's worth. He may have hoped that by some happy +chance he might sit down with those with whom he could not expect on any +other occasion to have a similar privilege. I paid particular attention +to Mr. Bovyer. As we passed Mr. Bowen's table I saw him drop, in quiet +fashion, a bank note upon it. Mr. Bowen hastened to make change, but Mr. +Bovyer shook his head and passed on. I turned to look at Mr. Bowen, and +saw his face suddenly light up so cheerfully that I concluded he had +received a generous donation. I led Mr. Bovyer up where the children, +growing now very curious over the Christmas Tree, were with difficulty +preserving the proprieties of the occasion. He looked them over +carefully, as if they were some distinct species from another planet, and +then turning to me, said, "Did you say these were all poor children?" + +"Their fathers are day laborers, and some of them are without that useful +adjunct to childhood." + +"They look rosy and happy." + +"I presume they would look happy under present circumstances if their +fathers were tramps. You should see the homes some of them will return to +when they leave here. You would wonder at the forgetfulness of +childhood." + +"How did you chance to think of this merry gathering?" + +"I am not sure it was chance. All our thoughts do not come in that way." + +"Are the children here who are to reap the largest benefit from this +affair?" + +"Yes. Do you see those pale, pinched-faced girls with the pink-cotton +frocks on, sitting at the end of that farthest bench, and these two boys +just in front with clothes several sizes too large?" + +He stood silently regarding them for some time, and then said: "The world +is strangely divided. It is one of the reasons that makes me doubt the +existence of a beneficent All-Father." + +"But these may get safely into the light and fullness of Heaven." + +"Yes," he said, thoughtfully; "but how few of them will live up to the +requirements of admittance to that perfect place?" + +"The rich have as many shortcomings as the poor. Sometimes I think they +have even more." + +"You are very democratic." + +"Is that a serious charge against me? The one perfect Being our world has +seen chose poverty, and a lot among the lowly. When the world grows +older, and men get wiser, possibly they will make the same choice." + +"There have been solitary instances of the like along the ages--men of +whom the world was not worthy--but the most of us are not such stuff as +heroes are made of." + +I turned to him with kindling eyes: "Wouldn't you like to be one of them, +Mr. Bovyer?" + +He gave me a look that some way I did not care to meet, and turned my +eyes away quickly to a restless black-eyed little girl who was stretching +eager hands to a pink-cheeked dollie. + +"You feel the sorrows of the poor and suffering more keenly than the most +of us, I fear, Miss Selwyn," he said--more to draw me into conversation +than anything else. + +"My sympathies are of a very easy-going, æsthetic kind. Some of your +splendid music makes me cry. While I listen, I think of the hungry and +broken-hearted. I seem to hear their moans in the sob and swell of the +music. It was that which made Beethoven's Symphony so sad." + +He did not say anything for a good while, and fell to watching the +longing in the children's faces, and my heart grew very pitiful towards +them. They were so near and yet so far from the objects of their desire. +So I resolved while the supper table was being cleared to begin the +distribution of my gifts, or rather, of Mr. Winthrop's. + +I set Mr. Bovyer to work gathering the bags of confectionery, while I +carried them around to the excited children, taking bench by bench in +regular order, and filling the little outstretched hands, usually so +empty of any such dainties. The people came crowding around to watch, +while I began stripping the tree of its more enduring fruits. Mothers +with tears in their eyes, as they saw their little tots growing rapturous +over an unclothed dollie, or some other toy, beautiful to the +unaccustomed eyes of the poor little creatures. The tree was stripped at +last, and the children absorbed in the examination of their own or each +other's presents. Most of them seemed perfectly content, but a few of the +little boys looked enviously at the jack-knife in a companion's hand, +while casting dissatisfied glances at what had fallen to themselves. + +It was time at last for the little folks to go home, and mothers soon +were busy hunting up children and their wraps. + +The closing scene in the entertainment was the public announcement of +the evening's receipts; and we all looked with surprised faces at each +other when Mr. Bowen informed us that there was within a few cents of +one hundred dollars. "Some of our guests this evening have treated us +very generously; notably one gentleman in particular, who dropped a +twenty-dollar bill on the table beside me," Mr. Bowen said, in +conclusion. I gave Mr. Bovyer a meaning glance and also a very grateful +one; but it was apparently thrown away; for not a muscle of his face +moved in response to my smile. Mrs. Blake went around for a while like +one in a dream. "Deary me! it'll be jest like a fortin' to 'em," she +ejaculated at last; "but Miss Selwyn 'll have to take charge of it, or +that mis'able Bill Sykes 'll drink it up in no time." + +And then it was decided to act on Mrs. Blake's suggestion, and the money +was given to me to expend on Mrs. Sykes and her children as they +required,--a task soon accomplished when their need was so urgent. We +went home that night very elated at the success of our venture. Cook +was slightly inclined to assume a large share of the credit, and as her +labor in the matter of cake and pastry making was so much greater than +anything I had done, I gracefully yielded her all the credit she could +desire. No doubt, in all undertakings, from the capture of a kingdom to +a tea meeting, there are many among to whom the honors by right belong. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +THREE IMPORTANT LETTERS. + + +One evening when I returned from a long walk, Esmerelda gave me a letter +directed in the most fashionable style of ladies' handwriting. I was a +good deal surprised at receiving a letter through such a source, +especially as Esmerelda whispered me to secrecy. I had no time to break +the seal, for callers were waiting; and when they left, Mr. Winthrop +summoned me to the study for a review of the week's reading. This was +a custom he had some time before instituted, and I was finding it +increasingly interesting. He selected my course of reading, and a very +strong bill of fare I was finding it, some of the passages straining my +utmost power of brain to comprehend. He had, as yet, confined me chiefly +to German literature, mainly Kant and Lessing, with a dip into Schiller +now and then, he said, by way of relaxation. He seemed gratified at the +interest I took in his efforts to develop my intellectual powers, and +sometimes he sat chatting with me, after the lesson was ended, by the +firelight, until we were summoned to dinner. His mind appeared like some +rich storehouse where every article has its appointed place; and while it +held many a treasure from foreign sources, its own equipment was equal to +the best. I could not always follow him. He gave me credit, I believe, +for much greater brain power than I possessed; but what I could not +comprehend made me the more eager to overcome the impediment of ignorance +and stupidity. In these hours in his own study, where very few, save +myself, were permitted to enter, he laid aside all badinage and severe +criticism. I blundered sadly, at times, over the meaning of some +specially difficult passages; but he helped me through with a quiet +patience that amazed me. I mentioned it one day to Mrs. Flaxman, +expressing my surprise that he should so patiently endure my ignorance, +and stupidity. + +"It is just like him. He has a world of patience with any one really +trying to do good work. I think he begins to understand you better. He is +prejudiced against our sex in the mass. He thinks we are more fond of +pleasure than of anything else in the world; but if he once finds his +mistake, his atonement is complete." + +"Why is he so prejudiced?" I asked, hoping Mrs. Flaxman would continue +the story Thomas had begun. + +"He has had good reason. He is not one to rashly condemn one." + +"But is it not rash to misjudge the many for the wrong doing of the +single individual? It does not prove all are alike." + +"Have you ever heard anything, Medoline?" She asked anxiously. + +"Merely a hint, but I have built many a story on that." + +"You must not trust servants or ignorant folks' gossip. I hope your Mill +Road friends do not talk about your guardian." + +"They scarcely mention his name. Mrs. Blake certainly expressed surprise, +a long time ago, when we gave those vegetables away, that such a thing +should take place at Oaklands. I would not permit any one to speak +unkindly of Mr. Winthrop in my hearing," I said, proudly. + +"That is right; he is not easy to understand, but one day you will find +he is true as steel." + +She left the room abruptly. I fancied she was afraid I might ask +troublesome questions. Now as I sat in the study, I began to listen and +dream together, wondering what sort of woman it was he could love and +caress, and how she could lightly trample on his love. The tears came to +my eyes as I looked and listened, picturing him the central sun of a +perfect home, with wife and children enriching his heart with their love. +When those deep gray eyes looked into mine, my drooping lashes tried to +conceal from their searching gaze, my mutinous thoughts. Strange that +this particular evening, while I sat with the half forgotten letter in my +pocket, imagination was busier than ever, while I found it more than +usually difficult to comprehend Lessing's ponderous thoughts; and the +desire seized me to leave these high thinkers, on their lonely mountain +heights, and, with my guardian, come down to the summer places of +everyday life. + +He noticed my abstraction at last, for he said abruptly: + +"Are you not interested in to-day's lesson, Medoline?" + +I faltered as I met his searching eye. + +"I am always interested in what you say, Mr. Winthrop; but to-day my +thoughts have been wandering a good deal." + +"Where have they been wandering to?" + +My face crimsoned, but I kept silent. + +"I would like to know what you were thinking about?" he said, gently. + +"A young girl's foolish fancies would seem very childish to you, after +what you have been talking about." + +"Nevertheless, we like sometimes the childish and innocent. I have a +fancy for it just now, Medoline." + +"Please, Mr. Winthrop, I cannot tell you all my thoughts. They are surely +my own, and cannot be torn from me ruthlessly." + +"What sort of persons are you meeting now at your Mill Road Mission?" + +He suddenly changed the conversation, to my intense relief. + +"The very same that I have met all along, with the exception of the Sykes +family--they are a new experience." + +"Were you thinking of any one you know there just now, that caused your +inattention?" + +"Why, certainly not, Mr. Winthrop. I do not care so very much for them as +that." + +He was silent for a good while, in one of his abstracted moods; and, +thinking the lesson was over for that day, I was about to leave the room. +He arose, and, going to the window, stood looking out into the night--I +quietly watching him, and wondering of what he was so busily thinking. +Presently he turned, and, coming to the table where I was sitting, stood +looking down intently at me. + +"Medoline, has it ever occurred to you that you are an unusually +attractive bit of womanhood?" + +I drew back almost as if he had struck me a blow. He smiled. + +"You are as odd as you are fascinating," he said. + +He went to his writing-desk. I watched him unlock one of the drawers and +take out two envelopes. He came back and stood opposite me at the table. + +"I received, a few days ago, a letter from my friend Bovyer, in which he +enclosed one for you, which I was at liberty to read. Probably I should +have submitted it to you earlier, but----" + +He did not finish the sentence, and stood quietly while I read the +letter. The hot blood was crimsoning my neck and brow, and, without +raising my eyes, I pushed the letter across the table, without speaking. +He handed me another. A strong impulse seized me to fly from the room, +but I had not courage to execute my desire. The second letter was fully +as surprising as the first. It was from another of Mr. Winthrop's +friends, who had frequented our hotel in New York. I recalled his face +readily, and the impression his manners and conversation had made on my +mind. He had fewer years to boast than Mr. Bovyer, but more good looks. I +finished his letter, and, still holding it in my hand, unconsciously fell +to recalling more distinctly my half-forgotten impressions of his +personality. I remembered he could say brilliant things in an off-hand +way, as if he were not particularly proud of the fact. I remembered, too, +that he had genuine humor, and had often convulsed me with a merriment I +was ashamed to betray; but, strange to say, of all those who had haunted +Mr. Winthrop's parlors in those two weeks, not one had paid me so little +attention as this Maurice Graem; and now both he and Mr. Bovyer had +written, asking my guardian's permission to have me as life-long +companion and friend. + +"What shall it be, Medoline? You cannot say yes to both of them." + +The question startled me. + +"Are you very anxious for me to leave Oaklands?" My lips quivered as I +spoke. + +"Why, child, that is my trouble just now. I am not willing ever to lose +you--certainly not so soon as these impetuous youths desire." + +"Mr. Bovyer is not young," I said, with a lightened heart. + +"What shall I say to them, then?" + +"That I do not want to leave Oaklands. I am so happy here." + +He made me no reply, but turned again to his writing-desk, and was +locking the letters safely away when I left the room. Then I bethought me +of the letter still unopened in my pocket, and was hastening to my room, +when Mrs. Flaxman intercepted me. + +"Won't you come into my room, Medoline, just for a few minutes?" + +I followed her with some reluctance; for Mrs. Flaxman's few minutes, I +imagined, might extend into a good many, if she got to talking. + +"I want to show the presents Mr. Bovver has sent us from New York--one +for each of us." + +She lifted the cover from a box on her stand, and handed me the most +superbly-bound book I had ever seen. + +"Yours is the prettiest," she said, admiringly, as I turned over the +leaves, looking at the engravings. + +"Don't you like it, dear?" she asked, surprised that I was so silent over +my prize. + +"Yes--if it had not come from Mr. Bovyer." + +"Why, Medoline! not like a gift coming from one so kind and true as he +is?" + +"I wish I had never seen him." I threw down the book and burst into +tears. + +"Surely, Medoline, you have not fallen in love with him? I should be so +sorry, for he is not a marrying man." + +"No, indeed," I cried, indignantly; "but----" And then I stopped; for +what right had I to tell his secret? + +"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, is it not dreadful to be young? Men are such a +trouble." + +"Why, my child, what is the matter? You act so strangely I do not +understand you." + +"No? Well, I cannot explain. But won't you ask Mr. Winthrop, please, if I +must keep this book?" + +"Why, certainly you must keep it. It would be rude to return Mr. Bovyer's +gift." + +"But you will ask?" + +"Oh, yes, if you insist; but he will only smile, and say it is one of +Medoline's oddities." + +I went to my room. But the traces of my tears must be removed, and the +dinner-bell was already ringing. However, at the risk of being late, I +broke the seal of my letter. I was getting terrified lest it might be +another proposal of marriage from some unexpected quarter; for, I +reflected, when misfortunes begin to come they generally travel in +crowds; but this was not a love-letter. It read: + + "Dear Miss Selwyn:--I have been informed of your kindness of + heart and sympathy for all who are in distress, and therefore am + emboldened to come to you for help. If you would call on me to-morrow, + at 3 P. M., at Rose Cottage, Linden Lane, you would confer a lasting + favor on a sorrowing sister. I am yours, very respectfully, + + "Hermione Le Grande." + + P. S.--I must ask for perfect secrecy on your part, and that no mention + whatever of my name, or letter, be made at Oaklands. I trust to your + honor in the matter. + + H. L. + +I locked the letter up in my drawer and hastened to the dinner that +certainly would not be kept waiting for me. I was hoping that the +question about Mr. Bovyer's book would be asked and answered in my +absence; but was disappointed; for just as Mr. Winthrop arose from the +table, at the close of dinner, Mrs. Flaxman mentioned the arrival of the +books, and whence they came. + +"It is quite profitable, chaperoning young ladies, you will find;" he +said, dryly. + +"But, Medoline does not wish to keep hers. She acted quite strangely +about it; and insists that I must ask you, if she shall keep it." + +"Mr. Bovyer would feel aggrieved if we returned his present. I think you +must keep it," he said, turning to me. + +"Most young ladies I have known are proud to get keepsakes from your +sex." + +"I hope Medoline is not going to be a regulation young lady." + +"Why, Mr. Winthrop, what has caused you to change your mind? You used to +condemn me for being so very unconventional." + +"I have made the discovery that you have something better in its stead," +he said, quietly. I looked up quickly to speak my thanks, but kept +silent. + +"Yes, Medoline is the only one of us that tries to do her duty by others. +She has helped the poor more in the few months she has been here, than I +have done in nearly twenty years." + +"But she confines her benefits to the poor and bereaved solely. She seems +to forget the prosperous may be heavy-hearted," Mr. Winthrop suggested +with a smile. + +"I do not intermeddle with that which lies beyond my skill to relieve. +Any person can relieve poverty if they have money." + +"Possibly you are wise to confine your helpfulness to the simpler cases +of sorrow." + +"I think the griefs of the rich are mostly imaginary and selfish. In this +beautiful world, if we have our freedom, and health, and plenty of money, +we are simply foolish to be down-hearted; only when death takes away our +dear ones; and after a time the pain he gives ceases to smart." + +"You are very practical, Medoline, and look through spectacles dipped in +sunshine." + +"Well, I believe she is right," Mrs. Flaxman said, with an air of sudden +conviction. "We are not half thankful enough for our blessings and +persist in wearing the peas in our shoes for penance, when we might as +well soften them like that wise-hearted Irishman. It would be a blessing +if Medoline had medicine for other griefs than those poverty causes." + +I saw her cast a meaning look at Mr. Winthrop, which brought the color +to my cheek, and set me to soberly thinking if I might not bring him +surcease from bitter thoughts, and then it occurred to me, with all this +commendation was there not grave danger of my getting uplifted unduly? + +"It seems to me that you and Mr. Winthrop go to extremes in your estimate +of me. First, you keep me so low in the valley of humiliation that I well +nigh lose heart, and then you hoist me on a pedestal, making me grow +dizzy with conceit. I suggest that we pass a law not to talk about each +other at all." + +"But you cannot hope to be perfect unless wise friends point out your +foibles," Mr. Winthrop assured me. + +"I have never expected to reach such a height. It would be so lonely for +me, you know--no society of my own kind, save here and there a poor and +humble soul," I said, wickedly. + +"Nevertheless, one should make the effort to stand on the top round of +the ladder of human excellence." + +"It is a long ladder, and the climb is wearisome, and death soon +interposes and ends our ambition," I said, wearily. + +"But you have such perfect assurance respecting the to-morrow of death, +you must believe that excellence gained here will be so much capital to +carry with you into that life; but you implicit believers very often +voice your faith rather than live it," Mr. Winthrop remarked, with a +touch of his accustomed sarcasm. + +"Mr. Bowen lives his quite as well as he talks it, but he is the nearest +perfection of any human being I ever expect to meet." + +"That is hard on our set, Mrs. Flaxman. Medoline, it seems, has fished +out of the slums a veritable saint, and handsome as he is good. If I +remember right he is a widower." + +"Yes, certainly, he is the one she got the suit of clothes for when she +was in New York." + +He turned to me abruptly and asked, + +"How old is he?" + +"I have never asked him," I said mischievously, "but he looks older than +you." + +"Medoline, what are you saying? He was a grandfather years ago." + +"And I am afraid that is an honor which Mr. Winthrop will never attain," +I tried to say sympathetically. + +Mrs. Flaxman cast him a startled look; but he smiled very calmly as if +the words had merely amused him. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +MRS. LE GRANDE. + + +I was impatient for the appointed hour to come when I was expected at +Rose Cottage. I had tried to get further information from Esmerelda +respecting Mrs. Le Grande; but she seemed unwilling to say much about +her, leaving me more mystified than ever. + +"You will know all pretty soon from her own lips, Miss, and it would cost +me my place if Mr. Winthrop knew I was meddling with what didn't concern +me." + +"Mr. Winthrop is not a severe master. I think he interferes very little +with our household matters." + +"But this is different; and please, Miss Selwyn, don't let on to a soul +that I gave you that letter. Mrs. Le Grande said if I didn't take it some +one else would; and it was an easy way to earn a trifle." + +"But if there is anything wrong in the matter it is the hardest way in +the world to get money," I said, perplexed at her words. + +Linden Lane lay back from Oaklands a mile or more, and led me on a road I +had never traversed before, although I had often planned to take it on +some of my exploring journeys. But it led away from the sea shore, and +that probably was the reason I had hitherto neglected it. There was a +strip of woodland belonging to the Oaklands estate through which a part +of the road lay. There had been a recent fall of snow and this was still +clinging heavily to the trees, especially to the spruce and hemlocks, +bringing strangely to mind the muffled, mysterious figures of the Sisters +of Charity and Nuns, as I used to see them gliding about the streets of +the old world cities. Here and there interspersed with the evergreens +were beech, and maple, and other hardwood growths, with their graceful +leafless branches stretching up like dumb pleading hands toward the +pitiful sky. I grew so interested seeking out specially picturesque +forest growths, and glimpses into the still woodland depths under the +white snow wraith which I might come again to study more closely, and put +on my canvas, that I so far forgot the business of the hour as to find +myself a half hour after the appointment at still some distance from +Linden Lane. Shutting my eyes resolutely on the rarest bits of landscape +caught now and then through a chance opening in the trees, I walked at my +best speed along the drifted road. Esmerelda had described the cottage so +minutely that I had no trouble in recognizing it. Once past the strip of +woodland, a bend in the road brought me at once into a thick cluster of +houses with a few linden trees bordering the street that had given to it +its rather poetical and alliterative name. One house much more +pretentious than the rest, I at once recognized to be Rose Cottage. I +rang the bell and was so quickly admitted, I concluded the tidy looking +little maid had been posted at the door on the lookout for me. I gave her +my card and inquired for Mrs. Le Grande; a formality quite unnecessary, +as she assured me she knew who I was and that the lady was already +waiting for me. + +"Just come this way. She has a parlor upstairs; and my! but its a +stunner." + +I received the information in perplexed silence. But the little maid +apparently did not look for encouragement, for she continued chattering +until the door of the "stunning" apartment was closed behind her. A +bright fire was burning in the grate at my left. In the swift glance with +which I took in all the appointments of the room I acknowledged that the +girl's description was correct. The walls were lined with pictures which +I could see were gems; rich Turkish rugs concealed the common wood floor; +while on brackets and stands were ornaments of rarest design and +workmanship. I had only a few moments, however, to gratify my curiosity; +for a _portière_ at the farther end of the room was lifted, and a vision +of female loveliness met my view such as I had never seen before. +Probably the surroundings, and the unexpected appearance of this +beautiful woman, heightened the effect. + +She paused and looked at me intently. Instinctively I shrank into myself. +She seemed to be in some swift, clear-sighted way taking my measure, and +labeling the visible marks of my personality. Then she came graciously +forward, her step reminding me, in its smooth, gliding motion, of some +graceful animal of the jungle that might both fascinate and slay you. + +Her eyes were of that dark, velvety blue, that under strong emotion +turns to purple, and when she chose could melt and appeal like a dumb +creature's, whose only means of communicating their wants is through +their eyes. The lashes were long and curved; her complexion delicate as +a rose leaf, with a fitful color vanishing and re-appearing in the peachy +cheek apparently as she willed it. Her hair, a rare tint of golden auburn +was wreathed around her head in heavy coils that reminded me of the +aureoles the old masters painted about the beautiful Madonna faces. Her +mouth, I concluded, was the one defect in the otherwise perfect face. The +teeth were natural and purely white, but long, and sharp, reminding one +in a disagreeable way of the fangs of an animal of prey; the lips, a rich +scarlet, were too thin, and tightly drawn for a judge of faces to admire; +the chin was clear-cut and firm--a face on the whole, I decided, that +might drive a man, snared by its beauty, to desperation. There was +passion and power both lurking behind the pearl-tinted mask. + +Her attitudes were the perfection of grace--apparently, too, of unstudied +grace, which is the mark of the highest art in posing. She sat in a +purple velvet easy-chair, whose trying color set off her fine complexion +perfectly. Her voice was low and well modulated, but it had no +sympathetic chords; and therefore I could not call it musical or +pleasing. She thanked me in very exaggerated terms for having responded +to her appeal. + +I exclaimed, rather impulsively, in reply-- + +"I expected to find the author of that pathetic letter in great distress, +and came, hoping to relieve; but I cannot be of any service here." I +glanced around the luxuriously appointed room, and then let my eyes rest +on her elaborate costume. + +She smiled, "You are young, and have not yet learned that rags and +poverty seldom go hand in hand with the bitterest experiences of life." + +"That is the only kind of trouble I am sufficiently experienced to meddle +with. For imaginary or abstract woe you should seek some older helper. +I would suggest Mrs. Flaxman. She has more patience with refined mourners +than I." + +"Mrs. Flaxman could do me no good." + +Tears stood in her eyes, making them more beautiful than ever, and quite +softening my heart. + +"Won't you lay aside some of your wraps? I shall feel then as if you will +not desert me at any moment. The room is warm, and they are only an +incumbrance." + +I complied, and removed my hat and fur cloak, which were beginning to +make me uncomfortably warm. She wheeled another easy-chair and bade me +take that; my eyes, grown suddenly keen, took in the fact that the velvet +covering was suited to my complexion. + +"What artistic taste you must have when you are so fastidious about +harmony in colors," I said, admiringly. + +"One might as well get all the possible consolation out of things. The +time for enjoying them is short, and very uncertain." + +She drew a low ottoman and sat down close to me. "I have a long, sad +story to tell you, and I want to be within touch of your hand. You will +perhaps be too hard on me." + +She sat, her face turned partly from me, gazing intently into the fire. +Perhaps she had a natural dread of going over a chapter in her life she +might wish had never been written. + +Meanwhile the wonder kept growing on me why this exquisite woman should +come to me for sympathy. A feeling of pride, too, began swelling my heart +to think that I could be of use to others than the hungry and naked, +while I thought of the surprising account I should have to give at the +dinner-table that evening, of my adventure. My self-complacency was +destined to a rude shock. She turned to me suddenly, and asked, "How +old would you take me to be?" I looked my surprise, no doubt, but began +directly to examine critically the face before me. "I want you to tell +me the truth. We don't value flattery from our own sex; at least, I do +not." + +I could see no trace of time's unwelcome tooth in that smooth, ivory +skin, as unwrinkled as a baby's face, while the rounded outlines and +dimples would have graced a débutanté. + +"You are a long time deciding," she said, playfully--the color coming +fitfully under my scrutiny. + +"I will hazard twenty, but you may be older." + +"You think not any younger than that?" The curving lashes drooped and an +entirely new expression swept over the charming face. + +"Now you look almost a child," I exclaimed with surprise. "You are a +mystery to me, and I won't try to guess any more, for it is pure guess +work." + +She laughed merrily. "You are greatly mistaken. I was twenty-six +yesterday." I may have looked incredulous, and she was very keen to read +my thoughts. + +"You do not believe me. Did you ever hear of a woman over twenty making +herself out older than she was?" + +"My experience is but limited." I still believed that for some reason of +her own she was deceiving me respecting her age. + +"When you hear my story your surprise will be that I do not look six and +thirty, instead of a decade younger." + +Her next question was more startling than the first. "How do you like Mr. +Winthrop?" + +I replied guardedly that I liked him very well. + +"Excuse me, but that is not a correct reply. No one that cares for him at +all does so in that moderate fashion. They either love or hate him." + +"Have you ever known him intimately enough to be able to say how he is +liked, or deserves to be?" + +She answered me by a low ripple of laughter. My perplexity was +increasing, but I quite decided this Hermione Le Grange, as she called +herself, had not a very sad heart to get comforted. + +"Do you find Mr. Winthrop very amiable, in fact would you call him a +lady's man?" + +I paused to think carefully what answer I should give. "If he were a +lady's man, probably before this he would have taken one for a wife." + +"You have only answered half of my question," she said so gently I could +not resent it. + +"My guardian is very patient and indulgent with me. If he were more so I +should find it hard to leave him some day." + +"You mean when the day of marriage comes?" + +"I have not thought anything of marriage yet. I mean, not seriously. +Every young girl has her dreams, I suppose; but mine as yet are very +vague and unreal. At twenty-one I am my own mistress. Then probably my +life of ease will come to an end." + +"Ah, you have dreams of a career. From what my servants tell me I +concluded you were not one of our regulation, conventional young ladies." + +My cheeks flushed; for this was a tender place for her to touch. + +"Is Mr. Winthrop pleased that you are so thoughtful of the poor, and so +generous in your impulses?" + +"Really, Mrs. Le Grande, you would make an excellent lawyer. I do not +think I have had so many personal questions since I came to America. +School girls forget themselves sometimes, when they are of a very +inquisitive disposition." + +She looked me fully in the eyes as she said: "You have been wonderfully +patient and very circumspect. I am sure in his heart Mr. Winthrop +respects you even if he is at times a trifle cavalier in his behavior." +Her eyes were still upon me with the innocent, childlike expression on +her face I was beginning to understand and fear. I said very calmly: "He +can be exceedingly fascinating when he chooses, and if he really cared +for one, I cannot imagine anything he would hesitate to do for them, +provided it was honorable. I could not conceive him stooping to a mean or +unworthy action." + +"Mr. Winthrop will be flattered when I repeat your words." + +"Then you know him?" + +"You will think so when you hear my story." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + +MRS. LE GRANDE'S STORY. + + +"Did you ever hear that Mr. Winthrop was within one day of being +married?" + +My surprise at first rendered me speechless; but at last I murmured, +"No." + +"Then you have never heard the tragedy of his life. You have heard that +for some reason he was embittered against our sex." + +"A mere hint." + +"So I should judge, or the rest would also have been told. Your +acquaintance have been remarkably guarded. Well, I will tell you all +about it." + +"I do not wish you to tell me. I think Mr. Winthrop desires I should +never know the particulars of that circumstance, else Mrs. Flaxman +would have told me." + +"You are very sensitive about your guardian. Women cannot afford such +fine sense of honor. Men do not treat us in that way. If they find we +have a skeleton concealed somewhere, they will not rest until it is +brought out into the glaring light, for every evil eye to gloat on." + +"Not every man. Many of them would help us to conceal what gave us pain. +I believe Mr. Winthrop is one of them. Then should I listen to what he +wishes buried in oblivion?" + +"It may be for his happiness that you should, dear; and my story and his +are, for awhile, the same." + +I had risen to put on my hat and cloak to get away from the temptation +she pressed upon me; but at her last words I sank back into the chair. + +"Can you be the woman he loved and was to marry?" + +"Would it surprise you very much if I said Yes?" + +"It would, and it would not." + +"Your words are ambiguous. I was told you were exceedingly frank and +impulsive, but one cannot always believe the public verdict." + +I was silent. I recognized I had a clever woman to deal with, and for +some reason she wished to use me for her own purpose, I was assured. She +arose, and crossing the room disappeared through the tapestry portière. I +watched her as she moved gracefully away, her long silken robe seeming to +give additional height to her already tall figure. She presently +returned, bringing a richly bound album, and laid it, open, on my knee. +I glanced at it, and saw my guardian's pictured face looking at me, +brighter, happier than it had ever done in reality. + +"Does he look like that now?" + +I studied the picture before I answered. + +"His face looked nobler as I watched it last night while he was talking +of some of his favorite authors. It is stronger now, though. Noble +thoughts have matured the lines that were then only imperfectly formed." + +"Does he admit you to his study and converse on his favorite themes?" she +asked, the childlike expression vanishing suddenly from her face. + +"Yes." + +"Do you understand and enjoy what he says?" + +"I do not understand all he says. I am trying to lift myself to a nearer +level with him." + +"Ah, you aim to be learned. His tastes must have greatly changed, if he +admires such females." Her eyes fell, but I fancied there was a gleam in +them not altogether pleasant to behold. I remained silent, not caring to +explain it was Mr. Winthrop's wish that I should continue, to some +extent, the work that had occupied so many years of my life. She turned +the leaf of the album, and her own face looked out at me, not any more +beautiful than now, but still as perfect as a poet's dream. + +"We had these taken the same day!" + +She turned still another leaf and they sat together, she looking sweetly +at me, but his eyes, I could fancy resting on her with a look in them I +had never seen. + +"He had the artist destroy the negative, but I secured this one, he +fancies the flames have swallowed them all. You will have no further +scruples listening to his story?" + +"Yes, I have scruples. Much as I would like to hear it, I desire you to +tell me nothing but what you feel certain he would be willing for me to +hear. Otherwise I cannot look into his eyes without a feeling of guilt." + +"I did not think there was such a ridiculously conscientious woman on the +earth. Believe me, you are formed after a very unusual pattern. But you +must at least hear my story; otherwise you cannot help me." + +"I have been waiting with what patience I could command for the last hour +to hear it. I must be home before nightfall, and it is now approaching +sunset." + +She turned partly away, thereby giving me the better opportunity to +admire the perfect contour of face and neck, with the color coming and +going fitfully as she talked. + +"Like you," she said, "I was an orphan, and like you I was very rich." + +I started with surprise. She looked at me in her keen, intuitive way. + +"What! did you not know you were an heiress?" + +"I have never had the curiosity to ask. Mr. Winthrop will explain +everything at the proper time." + +"An old-fashioned woman, truly, patterned after the immortal Sarah, who +called Abraham her lord," she said, with a soft little laugh that angered +me exceedingly. + +"The beginning of our destiny has been something alike--both orphans, and +both rich beyond our utmost need. I too was educated on the other side of +the sea, first in a quiet little English town, Weston-Super-Mer, where my +grandmother lived, and afterward in Paris. If I had never gone to the +latter place, I might not be sitting here compelling a scrupulous +listener to hear my story." + +She was silent awhile, a half-suppressed sigh escaping her, over these +bygone memories. She continued her story: + +"I was quick to learn, soon acquiring the accomplishments necessary for a +woman of the world to know; and, finding my guardian easy to manage, I +escaped from the restraints of the school-room much earlier than is +usual, and plunged into the gayeties, first of Parisian, and afterward of +New York society. I became a belle from my first ball, and was soon +almost wearied with conquests that caused me no effort. One evening I met +Mr. Winthrop. My chaperone, the following day, gave me a detailed history +of himself and fortune, and recommended me to secure him for a husband. +I resolved to bring him to my feet, reserving the privilege of accepting +or not, as I chose. I subsequently found, in order to meet him, it was +necessary for me to forsake, occasionally, the ball-room, and to +frequent, in its stead, the concert and lecture hall. By degrees I gained +his notice, and the very difficulty of winning him made the task all the +more congenial. Like you, I developed a fondness for literature, and, in +order the more quickly to gain the desired knowledge, I consulted +dictionaries, encyclopædias, and hired private tutors to cram me with +poetry, history, and information generally of art and its manufacturers. +At first I could see he was more amused than fascinated at my shallow +acquirements. But gradually my personal charms, rather than mental, +conquered his proud reserve, and the glance of his eye came to express +more than mere amusement at my exhibitions of knowledge, or cold +admiration for the beauty I strove more than ever to heighten. If I found +him hard to conquer, the exultation when my task was achieved was +correspondingly great, while I knew his judgment rebelled against giving +his love to one his inferior in those things he best esteemed. But, to +skip a long bit of the story, we were engaged and the marriage day set; +but as our intimacy ripened, the conviction grew upon me that I should +have a master as well as husband; and I made the discovery, before very +long, that the greater part of our time was to be passed at Oaklands, +since the solitude best suited his literary tastes. I knew very well that +he would soon get absorbed in those pursuits from which I had been able +to draw him for a brief time, and then I would be compelled to satisfy +myself with the mild excitement of conjugal affection, housekeeping, and +the insipid tea-drinkings for which Cavendish has been noted. Not very +long after our engagement, I met, at a grand society ball, George Le +Grande. He professed to have fallen in love with me at first sight, and +his wooing had all the passionate ardor of a Southern nature; for he was +born in the Sunny South, his father being a wealthy French planter. After +my betrothed's somewhat Platonic love, his passionate worship was +acceptable, and, as the hour of my pastoral life at Cavendish drew near, +my fancy turned, irresistibly, towards the free, gay life Le Grande +offered me. We had grown so intimate I confessed to him my repugnance to +the mild joys awaiting me. Here I made my great mistake; for, with his +brilliant imagination, he drew charming pictures of what our life might +be, tied to no particular spot, but free to roam, citizens of all lands. +My trousseau was nearly completed; but the choosing and trying on of fine +garments did not still the mutinous thoughts seething in my brain. One +evening--shall I forget it in a thousand years?--while Mr. Winthrop was +at Oaklands, overseeing some special preparations to do honor to the +home-coming of his bride, I met Le Grande at a ball. He danced superbly, +and he was my partner that evening in so many dances that my chaperone +began to look darkly at me; while I saw many a meaning glance directed at +us. But I was fancying myself more in love with my gay partner than ever, +and once, in a pause of the dances, when he whispered, 'If to-night would +only last forever, with you at my side, I should be content.' + +"I came swiftly to the conclusion that life without George Le Grande +would be tasteless, and resolved then and there to yield to his +entreaties and fly from my solemn bridegroom. But my mind was wavering, +and I kept putting it off until the very night before my marriage morn +that was to be. We left the city by a midnight train, and after +travelling until morning we stopped at a country village--really I forget +the name, if I ever knew it--and were married in a little country church +by a dull, old minister who regarded us suspiciously all the time he was +performing the ceremony. I was sure he thought us a runaway couple, +but that did not trouble me so much as that obscure marriage with a +heavy-looking pair brought in from a cottage near at hand to witness the +ceremony. I kept contrasting it with the stately ceremony that was to +have taken place nearly at the same hour, in old Trinity, with the organ +pealing forth the wedding march, the rush of guests and sight-seers, +orange blossoms and perfumes, and all the bewildering vanities of a +fashionable wedding. Before I had signed my maiden name for the last +time, I began to regret my rash step, and ere the month was ended the +thorns of my ill-advised sowing were springing up around me. We were +neither of us so constituted as to make the best of a bad bargain, and +our married life had scarce begun when we began magnifying each other's +failings, and soon our brief passion had burnt itself out. Ah, me! with +what regret I used to look back to this quiet town, and the stately calm +of Oaklands, after one of our vulgar quarrels. I learned too soon that +my husband was a gambler, and that my fortune had been a more coveted +prize than myself; but fortunately, neither of us could touch anything +but the interest until my eldest child should come of age. So often in my +free-hearted days we had made merry over my father's ridiculous will! Now +how I thanked him for his wise forethought while my husband stormed +because it was so far beyond his reach! We might have lived in all my +accustomed style on the interest if my husband had been just; but now, +instead of sumptuous apparel I had to make the best of garments bought +before my marriage, while cheap hotels took the place of my former +elegant surroundings. My one passionate desire was to be free from this +hated union and many a time, no doubt, I was a murderess in my heart in +my longing to see him dead. At last my wish was granted. He was brought +home to me one night, a pistol-shot through his heart, received in a low +gambling hell. I did not trouble to inquire the particulars. He has been +dead a year. I have returned to America--for, at the time of his death, +we were in Europe. I have waited a decent time; and now, can you guess +what has brought me to Cavendish?" + +I shrank away from her when she turned towards me, a gracious smile on +her face. "You are silent. Is it a hopeless errand I have come on, think +you?" + +"If you have come to seek Mr. Winthrop's pardon, I think it is----" + +"You do not realize my influence over him. I could bend him to my will +like the merest child." + +I opened the album which still lay on my knee. "You must not expect to +meet the same man you knew here. He has changed--matured since then--if +I can judge from his face." + +"His heart, I am convinced, is unchanged. He is not one to forget the one +passion of his life. You have not gauged the depths of his character. Ah, +me! that I should have flung such a man away!" + +I made no reply, seeing she was convinced of her power; but, with all her +maddening grace and beauty, I kept the hope still that she would fail. +I could fancy Mr. Winthrop trampling ruthlessly on the strongest pleading +of his heart sooner than stoop to the degradation of a second time asking +her to be his wife. + +"You have been thinking it all out, and have decided there is no chance +for me." + +"How do you know?" I asked, startled by her correct guess. + +"Your face is a very open page. Be careful when you get to love a man, +which as yet I do not think you have ever done, lest your secret may too +easily be discovered. Men usually care very little for what costs them no +trouble." + +My face flushed hotly, but I made her no reply. + +"I expected you to flash back that you were never going to fall in love. +It is the way with most unsophisticated young people." + +"If I should, and my love is returned, I will be faithful to any vows +I may make." + +"My dear friend, you are too inexperienced to make such rash promises. +You do not know what mutinous elements are slumbering in your heart." + +"God help me to have principle enough to smother them if they are there +and get wakened." + +I rose to go, as night was rapidly falling. + +"I can stay no longer and so far as my helping you is concerned, I have +been summoned uselessly," I said, coldly. + +"No, indeed; I have heard that you were very pure minded, and see the +public estimate of your character is correct. I want you to teach me to +be like you, true and good." + +She looked into my eyes with such a guileless expression that, for an +instant, I thought she might be tired of her old, heartless life, and +long to be better. I stood looking with some perplexity into the fire, +scarce knowing what to say; but, turning my eyes suddenly, I saw a +mocking gleam pass over her face. + +"You would find it very tame patterning after me. I would advise you to +seek some higher ideal--one more worthy your superior powers." I bowed +and was turning towards the door. + +"Just one moment longer--won't you come again? I have a favor to ask of +you, but the moments have slipped away so rapidly I have not had time to +say all I want. Tell me, do you not think I have sinned past all +forgiveness, and should become an outcast from Oaklands and its master? +Is that the old-fashioned Christianity the Bible teaches?" + +"I cannot say that it is not." + +"Do you not say every day 'Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them +that trespass against us?'" + +"Yes. But the one who has done the wrong is commanded to do his or her +part also, to bring forth fruits showing their repentance." + +"Am I not about to do that when I humble myself, as I shall do at the +first suitable opportunity, to that proud man?" + +"Are you not suing for more than that? Have you come here merely to be +forgiven?" + +"You must not turn inquisitor. I have not, however, offended against you, +therefore you will come to see me again. Shall we say to-morrow? I seem +to feel as if Oaklands and Mr. Winthrop were brought near to me when you +are present." + +"I cannot promise to come again this week, at least." + +"Shall we say next Monday then? But it seems such a long time to wait. I +was not trained to patience in childhood, and I find it a difficult task, +learning it now." + +"Unless something unforeseen should happen to prevent, you may look for +me on Monday next." I promised, feeling a sort of pity for her in her +lonely condition. + +"Just one word more. Your guardian, they tell me, does not attend church +regularly." + +"Mr. Winthrop does not profess to be a religious man." + +"Could you not influence him to a better life? Have you ever asked him to +accompany you to church?" + +"Certainly not. He is a better judge than I as to his duty in the +matter." + +"I do not think so. I fear he is drifting very far from his boyhood's +teachings. His mother was a perfect woman, so far as I have been able to +learn." + +I looked my surprise; for I had not expected to hear such words from her +lips. + +"You must not judge me so harshly," she said, with gentle reproach. "I +hope I am not quite so bad as you think." + +"I am very glad you are interested in Mr. Winthrop, for other than +selfish reasons," I said, bluntly. + +She bowed her head meekly. "You will try to influence him then in the +matter of church going and other pure endeavors--won't you?" + +"I will try," I promised, rather uncertainly. + +"And begin at once." + +"Yes. I have given you the promise and usually keep my word." + +"Then good-bye until next week." + +The lamps were lighted when I passed along the oak walk that was my +nearest approach home to Oaklands, and the fact that I had broken my +promise to Mr. Winthrop never again to remain out alone after night +filled me with alarm and self-reproach. I succeeded in gaining the house +unperceived and was in abundant time for dinner, which I feared might +have been served. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + +THE CHANGED HEART. + + +When I entered the softly illumined dining-room, I was surprised to +find Mr. Winthrop standing near the fire, and gazing into it with a +preoccupied expression. Mrs. Flaxman was sitting in her favorite corner, +a book lying open on her knee, her eyes fixed on Mr. Winthrop somewhat +anxiously. Instinctively I felt something unusual had disturbed their +serenity--the sympathetic influences about me in the air which most of us +know something about, acquainted me with the fact. I was almost beside +Mr. Winthrop when he began to say, "Medoline must not know"--the sentence +was left unfinished, for Mrs. Flaxman seeing me said, abruptly, + +"Why, Mr. Winthrop, here is our runaway." + +He turned towards me, a startled look in his eyes. "Have you been out?" +he asked, with some surprise at her remark. + +"Yes," I looked at him with a pathetic interest never felt before. + +"Visiting your Mill Road pensioners?" he said, with a peculiar gesture, +as if trying to rid himself of some unpleasant reflection. + +"Not to-day, I do not go there every time I am out." + +"No, indeed, Medoline does not confine her kindness to those poor folk +alone," Mrs. Flaxman interposed. + +"You do not seek for the sorrowful elsewhere, I hope?" + +"The heavy-hearted are not confined to that locality alone, Mr. +Winthrop." + +"You include those also in your ministries of mercy," he said, with that +rare smile which strongly reminded me of a bright gleam of sunshine +falling on a hidden pool. + +"I am not so vain as to think I can reach their case. After I have +experienced the ministry of sorrow, I may touch sad hearts and comfort +them." + +"You are not anxious to suffer in order to do this. Remember, misery +sometimes hardens." + +"If we take our miseries to God, He can turn them into blessed evangels," +I replied softly. + +"Where did you learn that secret, Medoline?" + +"It was Mr. Bowen who taught me. God left him in the darkness, and then +gave him songs in the night--such grand harmonies, his life became like +a thanksgiving Psalm." + +"I hope you are not going to indulge in cant, Medoline. It does very well +for poor beggars like them; but for the enlightened and refined it is +quite out of place." + +"The very noblest specimens of humanity who have climbed to the utmost +peaks of intellectual excellence thought as Mr. Bowen does; as I hope +to think--God helping me, as I do think," I said, with a strange gladness +coming into my heart as if the old, hard heart had been suddenly changed +and made clean for the Master's entrance. + +"Poor little girl, I wish you had something more tangible than illusions +to rhapsodize over." + +My eyes filled with such happy tears as I lifted them to him, standing at +his side. "If you could only trust God, believe in Him as Mr. Bowen does, +you would find every other delight in life illusive, compared with the +joy He would give you." + +"Child, is that your own experience?" + +"Yes," I murmured softly. + +He turned and left the room abruptly. I went to Mrs. Flaxman, and, +kneeling beside her, my head on her knee--a posture we both enjoyed--I +anxiously asked: "Have I angered Mr. Winthrop?" + +"No, dear, he was not angry, for I was watching him; but you did what I +have not seen any one do to him for a good many years. You touched his +heart; 'and a little child shall lead them,'" she murmured so softly, I +scarce could catch the words. + +"I am not a little child, Mrs. Flaxman," I remonstrated. + +"Your are in some ways, darling. Your mother's prayers for her children +have been answered. Those God has already taken are safe; and you are one +of His little ones whose angel one day shall behold His face in joy." + +"I am glad my mother prayed for us; God is so sure to answer a mother's +prayers. I suppose it is because they are really in earnest. But did she +ask anything special?" + +"That you might be kept pure from the world's pollution, and get what was +really for your good. Her letters to Mrs. Winthrop were full of this: +They are all preserved among Mr. Winthrop's papers, and some day he will +give them to you." + +"She was a Christian, I think, like Mr. Bowen,--one who really had a hold +on God." + +"I never knew one so unspotted from the world. I too shall call her +mother if I meet her in the Heavenly places; for it was she brought me to +Jesus." + +"Mrs. Flaxman, is it easy to come to Him,--to be His disciple?" + +"So easy, the way-faring man, though a fool, need not find it too +difficult." + +"I believe Christ has said to me as He did to the Magdalene: 'Daughter, +thy sins, which are many are all forgiven thee.' Is it not grand to be +His child? There is nothing in the world I want so much as to do His +will." + +"You stepped out of your way, Medoline, to help others, and they have +done more in return than you gave," she said, the tears filling her eyes. + +"I might not have found Christ for years, but for Mr. Bowen--perhaps +never," I added with a shudder. + +The dinner bell ended our little fellowship meeting by the firelight. Mr. +Winthrop came and we took our places at the table, the dinner going on +in the same precise fashion as if there were no such thing as glad, or +breaking hearts. There was very little conversation; and dinner ended, +Mrs. Flaxman and I were left alone directly. I longed to ask what it was +Mr. Winthrop decided I must not know; and the mere fact of his so wishing +deterred me from asking. But I felt convinced it was in some way +connected with Hermione Le Grande. Neither could I confess to Mrs. +Flaxman that I had only an hour or two before heard from her own lips the +terrible wrong she had done him, or her plainly expressed determination +to win him back once more. + +Usually an excellent sleeper, I lay that night finding sleep impossible, +and counting the quarter hours as the great hall clock rang them out in +the still space. I made the discovery, too, in the solemn hush of the +night, when thought grows most active and intense, that notwithstanding +his coldness and positive cynicism, I cherished for my guardian in the +short time I had been with him an affection stronger than I had ever felt +for any one since I had lost my two intensely-beloved parents--a loss +that had embittered the otherwise happy period of girlhood. I had never +realized until that night how much he was to me. Pity, perhaps, for the +bitter pain that had so changed his whole nature, may have awakened me to +the fact; but still there was an inexplicable charm about him that even +merry-hearted, trifling Hubert felt, and forced his unwilling regard. I +shrank with sudden pain from the mere thought of seeing him married to +Hermione Le Grande; but instinctively feeling that his was one of those +still, changeless natures which never outgrows a master passion, and +recalling her beauty and grace, I could only commit him to the sure care +of the God whom he affected to believe does not take cognizance of human +joys or griefs. With this there came such a sense of peace and security, +that my mind grew calm; and sleep, that soothes every heartache, brought +its benison. The next day I felt certain both from Mrs. Flaxman's manner +and Mr. Winthrop's, that some disturbing element was in the air; and +finding Mrs. Flaxman more inclined to solitude than society, after my +forenoon's work was ended--for what with the reading Mr. Winthrop +appointed, and the time appointed by myself for painting, the entire +morning until luncheon I found quite short enough. I started for Mrs. +Blake's. I found her in a very happy mood. + +The revival was still progressing in the Beech Street church, and +Esmerelda, from day to day, had been telling me how happy Mr. Bowen +was, and how some folks liked to hear him speak and pray better than +any preacher in town. Now Mrs. Blake gave me particulars that the +dress-loving Esmerelda had failed to note. "Dan'el and me have been +oneasy about the way we've lived ever since Margaret died," she said, +after we had been chatting a while about the meetings, and Mr. Lathrop, +the pastor of Beech Street church, and its late ongoings. "Dan'el +especially felt as if there wa'n't any chance for him; but since Mr. +Bowen has got out to the meetings, he's been a powerful help. It seemed +as if he jest knew how the Lord looked on us. Night afore last I went to +meeting with my mind made up to stay there until I found if there was any +mercy for me. I mind how I felt as I walked along the road. The snow was +deep, and the night cold, and everything seemed that desolate--my! I +wished I'd never been born. I don't know what made me, but I looked right +up into the sky all at onct; the stars were shining bright, and I thought +if God could keep all them hanging there on nothing, year after year, he +could keep me in the place He wanted for me, if I'd only agree to let +Him; and right there I stood stock still in the snow and said, 'Lord, I'm +a poor unlarnt creatur', but I want you to keep me where you want me, the +same as you do the stars. I'll take the poorest place in earth or Heaven, +if you'll only adopt me as your own.' I meant what I said, and the Lord +just then and there sealed the bargain; and my! but I went on to the +meeting that happy I didn't know if I was on earth or up among the holy +ones, who are forever praising God. Dan'el had got much the same blessing +some time ago, and when we came home he took down the Bible and prayed. +The preacher tells the heads of families if they want to keep their +religion they must build an altar as the patriarchs did. Religion is the +same now as then." + +Mrs. Blake stopped only for want of breath. + +"And are you as happy now as you were that night?" + +"Everybit; and so is Dan'el. It's something that stays with one; and the +longer you have it, and the more you have, the better content you are. +The night I got converted, when we come home from meeting, Dan'el sot +talking more'n he usually does; for he's a powerful still man, and, at +last, he says: 'If Marget had only lived till now, she might have got the +blessing too;' and then he burst right out crying. But he's never +mentioned her sence, only last night, in meeting, he said, if we had +friends in the other world that we weren't sure were in glory, we mustn't +let that keep us sorrowful, but jest work all the harder for them that +was still in the world. I didn't think Dan'el could be so changed. I +heard him try to sing this morning; but, dear, his singing is something +ter'ble. He has no more ear than a cow. Maybe the Lord turns it into good +singing--he looks at the heart, and perhaps it sounds better up among the +angels than them great singers does that gets a forten for one night's +singing." + +"I am sure it does," I said, emphatically. "He will make splendid music +by-and-by, when he stands with the Heavenly choir." + +"I reckon he'll most stop then to hear his own voice, for he does dote so +on singing, and feels so bad that he can't do better." + +"Singing and making melody in your hearts. You can do that now, Mrs. +Blake, and with God's help, I hope to be able to do the same." + +"What! have you been thinking of these things too, Miss Selwyn?" + +"Yes. For a good while I have been struggling with a burden of sin that +sometimes nearly crushed me; but it is gone now. Last night the joy of +pardon came just like a flash of light into my heart." + +"Thank the Lord for that. There's been some praying very earnest for you. +They'll be glad their prayers are answered." + +"I can never repay what some of you people out here have done for me." + +"Well, dear, you've done for us. The minister said, 'under God we were +indebted to Mr. Bowen for this revival, and there's already nigh unto +fifty converted.' He couldn't have come to the meetings if you hadn't +clothed him; and now, you've done still more, and got him his eyesight, +he's twice as useful. 'Twould have done you good to see him in meeting +the first Sunday after he come back. He'd look up at the pulpit, and then +he'd look at the people; and it seemed as if he could hardly sense where +he was--he was that glad and happy. The preacher said, in the evening, +we'd have a praise meeting after the sermon; and sure enough we had; for +when Mr. Bowen got talking about what the Lord had done for him, and what +he had been to him in sorrow and blindness, before I knew it, I was +crying like a baby--me that had my eyesight, and health--and never +thanked the Lord for them. When I got my eyes wiped I took a look around, +and there sot Dan'el a blowing his nose, and mopping his face, as if it +was a sweltering day in August; and then when I looked further, there was +nothing much to be seen but pocket-handkerchiefs. That was the beginning +of the revival; and if you hadn't got Mr. Bowen out to meeting, there +mightn't have been any. So, after the Lord, I lay it all to you." + +"No, Mrs. Blake. I was scarcely equal in this matter to those poor souls +who helped Noah build the Ark and were drowning for want of its shelter. +They labored harder than I; for what I gave was more from impulse, and it +was a pleasure." + +"I guess God don't make mistakes paying folks for what they do, and maybe +it's jest as well not to have a great consait of yourself; but you're the +first one I've heard comparing themselves to Noah's Ark builders." + +I turned the conversation somewhat abruptly. + +"What is Mr. Bowen doing now?" + +"He's taken on in Belcher's Mill, working at the books." + +"I suppose they are getting along nicely at Mrs. Larkum's now." + +"Yes, indeed. She was complaining after meeting last night, she'd only +seed you onct since her father got back, to have a good talk with you." + +"Shall we go there now, for a little while?" + +"I'd be glad to, and she'll be pleased to see us coming, I know." + +Mrs. Blake was very soon in readiness, we started out into the dull, cold +air, scarce noticing that the wind was blowing raw and chill from the +east, and the soughing wind betokening a storm. While I sat in Mrs. +Larkum's tidy room, listening to her voice, I kept contrasting her with +the elegantly dressed, beautiful woman whose face and gestures I was +studying the previous day. The one nurtured in the shady places of life, +and inured to poverty and hardship; the other privileged with the best +opportunities for culture, and high intellectual and social development; +and yet with vision grown suddenly clear, I could detect a refinement of +the soul, and true womanly honor in Mrs. Larkum that the other lacked. I +was glad to notice that Mrs. Larkum's tears had ceased to flow so +profusely. There was an occasional moistening of the eye from sheer joy; +for she too had got her experience brightened of late. She was finding it +easier to trust in the Lord, and be glad in Him now that she had got a +stronger arm than her own to lighten her burdens. As we talked I found +they were blessed with an honest independence of spirit that proved them +a better class than many who receive help. + +"Father has begun to lay by money to pay you," she announced, with +evident pleasure. + +"He has already paid me a thousand-fold. I never want any other +recompense." + +"I do not think he will be satisfied to let that debt go unpaid. He was +always so particular to owe no man anything. In our worst poverty he +would never let me go in debt." + +"Then I can never repay him," I said, sorrowfully, "for I try, like him, +to be independent; but I suppose there are blessings no money can ever +repay." + +"Why, every time he opens his eyes in the morning, he says his first +thought is to thank the Lord, and his next is a prayer that you may get +your reward." + +"His prayer has been answered," I murmured, with tear-filled eyes. + +"Poor father was always a great man for prayer ever since I can +recollect. Sometimes I used to doubt if there was anything in religion +when I saw how poorly his prayers were answered; but I have since learned +that the Lord does hear prayer, and that He answers in the best possible +way, though when we are suffering it seems hard to wait patiently His +good time." + +"But if it is hard for a little spell on earth, there's a long while to +have our wants satisfied when we get where He is in Heaven," Mrs. Blake +said, in her calm, strong way. + +"Dear Miss Selwyn, Heaven seemed very close to us in our meeting last +night. I thought of you, and wished so much you were with us." + +"I wish your father would pray that I might have the opportunity to come. +The difficulties in the way just now seem insuperable, but with God's +help they could be removed." + +"Yes, indeed. I've knowed folks that was a hurt to Christians took out of +the world uncommon sudden," Mrs. Blake remarked, with a very meaning nod +of her head. + +"I do not want Mr. Winthrop to die," I said, with quick alarm. "If I had +to choose, I think I would rather die myself." + +"I didn't know you liked him that well. I reckoned he was hard to +please." + +"I acknowledge that he is; but then a word of praise from him is worth a +great deal," I frankly replied. + +"I believe you are in the way to win his approval. A pure, unselfish life +must gain the respect of every honest soul, soon or late," Mrs. Larkum +said, with gentle assurance. + +There was no more said on the subject. But the thought that Mr. Bowen was +praying for me made me feel more confident that everything would turn out +best for me, and for those also in whom I was most interested. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + +THE ENCOUNTER AT ST. MARK'S. + + +I did not forget through the week Mrs. Le Grande's eagerness for Mr. +Winthrop to attend church, and although not permitting myself, if +possible, to impute false motives to others, I concluded it was not +anxiety for his spiritual well-being that prompted the desire on her +part. However I resolved to ask him, and was very anxious that he should +grant my request. The day dawned bright and clear, one of those hopeful +days with promise of the coming summer in the clear shining of the +February sun. At breakfast Mr. Winthrop spoke of the rare loveliness of +the morning; the blue of the sky, soft and tender as a mother's eye, with +here and there a fleecy cloud such as painters love to put on their +canvas. Away to the south, the sea was dimpling and sparkling in ten +thousand broken ripples, with here and there a brave vessel sailing away +over the cold, heaving waters. + +Mr. Winthrop seemed in more genial mood than he had been for a week; and +when he left the table I followed him to the door, where he stood gazing +with eyes trained to take in intelligently the charming scene. I stood +silent, entering in a very half-hearted manner into his keen enjoyment +of the picture painted by God's own hand, spread out before us. + +"It is no use for a man to attempt copying that living, throbbing scene, +nor yet to describe it," he said, with an air of dissatisfaction. + +"To copy would be easy, compared with creating it," I suggested timidly. + +"Yes; but when, and by whom done? That is the question that maddens one," +he answered after a long pause. + +"The Bible says the same hand that was nailed to the cross on Calvary +created it. 'By whom also the worlds were made,'" I murmured. + +"Ah, if we only had some evidence of that; but it is all dark, dark, on +the other side of death, and on the other side of life too. Whence came +we--whither do we tend? What power sent Sirius and all that galaxy of +suns marching serenely through space? We, in our little planet-ship, +falling into line, going like comets one day, and then vanishing; but the +worlds moving on unconscious of our departure, and yet some power +controls them and us. Medoline, to have my faith anchored as yours is, to +a beneficent, all-powerful God, I would be willing to die this instant if +I might be absorbed into Him, or be taken into his presence forever. You +who can calmly accept your religion as you do the atmosphere you inhale, +should live as far above earthly passions and entanglements, as those +light clouds hanging in yonder vault are above the earth; nay, rather +like the stars which only touch us by that law of the universe that +holds the remotest stars together." + +"Have you tried any more earnestly to find the God of the Bible than you +have done Boodh or Vishnu, or other man-created deities?" I asked. + +He turned to me in his keen, incisive way:--"No, Medoline, I cannot say +that I have--not since boyhood, at least, when my mother, who loved the +God whom Israel served so indifferently, endeavored to train my +rebellious will to His service." + +"You have lived all these years Godless?" + +"In plain English, yes." + +"Then that great star, Sirius, you just spoke of, and all the other suns, +and their systems, as well as the humblest created things, have fulfilled +the purposes of their Maker's will, save the last supreme effort of His +power--man, originally made a 'little lower than God.' I wonder that I +honor you as I do, when you deny the existence of my God and Saviour." + +He looked down at me with a gentleness at which I was surprised, and his +next question did not lessen this. + +"Would you be terrified if death, in some form, were suddenly to seize +you, dismissing you from your present environments into the unclothed +state, could you trust, to the uttermost, this mighty Being whose +friendship you so confidently claim?" + +I paused before replying. Certainly death just then did not seem welcome. +I loved life and enjoyed it, and longed for its fuller experiences. As I +studied his question, there came a fear that, since I clung with such +desire to life, I could not be fitted for higher places. No doubt he saw +the pained, uncertain look on my face, which his question had caused. + +"If God wished for me to leave this world," I said, slowly, "no doubt he +would give me the necessary grace and fortitude to do so patiently; but +I do not want to die now, unless it is His will. I love my life, and +would like to serve my generation for a good many years. There are such +grand opportunities to be useful to others." + +"That is a more healthy type of piety than I would have given you credit +for. I am glad you are not anxious to leave us. The Superior powers are +apt to humor such fancies in the young, and remove them from this +distasteful world." + +I saw that a lighter mood was taking the place of his more serious one of +a few minutes before, and I hastened to make my request. "Won't you come +to church with me this bright morning, Mr. Winthrop?" + +He looked at me with that clear, honest gaze that always seemed to +penetrate my deepest thoughts. + +"Why do you make that request? You have never asked me before." + +A guilty blush crimsoned my face, and I murmured something about wanting +him to go particularly that morning, and then hastily entered the house. +As I put on my bonnet and cloak for church, I made up my mind never to +make a request of him again without being able to give a good, honest +reason for it. + +The bell of St. Mark's began ringing as I went down the broad staircase. +I paused a moment at the library door, and then went on to the +drawing-room, where Mrs. Flaxman usually awaited me. I was surprised to +find her sitting near the fire, a book in her hand, and no preparation +made for church. + +"You must go alone this morning, I fear." + +"Are you not well?" + +"No, dear; I cannot even plead a headache. I might go deeper, though; for +I have had a heartache of late." + +"Have you got bad news from Hubert?" + +"On the contrary, I have had better news than usual from him in his last +few letters; but, dear, I may have other anxieties than merely personal +ones." + +"Our anxieties should send us to God's house, and not keep us away--don't +you think?" + +"Yes, in most cases. Some day I may explain all this to you, Medoline; +but not now." + +"Good-bye, then," I said, kissing the sweet, gentle face, and thinking I +knew what was keeping her at home. As I passed into the hall, I saw Mr. +Winthrop coming down from his own room; but I did not pause to speak, +thinking he was on his way to the library. My hand was on the door, when +he called me back. + +"After inviting me to church, are you going without me?" + +I turned and saw that he was taking his hat. + +"Are you really going?" + +"Yes, really. I would be rude, indeed, to slight your first invitation." + +"Do you come this morning merely because I invited you?" I asked, +incredulously. + +"Do you consider it courteous to inquire too minutely into the motives of +your friends?" + +I was silent while I stood for a few seconds regarding him closely. I +wondered if he had not taken special pains with his toilet; for I had +never seen him look so regally handsome before. He may have detected my +admiring gaze; for he said, lightly: + +"What is wrong, that you favor me with such scrutinizing glances?" + +"There is nothing wrong, Mr. Winthrop, so far as my eyes can penetrate. I +trust that to clearer vision than mine what lies deeper than human gaze +can pierce, is equally perfect." + +"Is it your custom, little one, to pay your male acquaintances such open +compliments?" + +"It was not a compliment. I only spoke the truth," I said, quietly, as we +walked side by side down the lilac-bordered footpath, the way we always +went to church when we walked, as it cut off a-half mile or more. It was +a charming walk in summer; but now the low bushes looked common and +ungraceful, stripped of their foliage; but the ground was high, and over +their tops we could see the distant hills and the sun-kissed sea. And +this morning as I tripped lightly by my guardian's side, I fancied I had +never seen this quiet pathway even in its midsummer glory look so +perfect. + +"It is a wise plan not to tell your friends the truth always. Masculine +vanity is occasionally as strongly developed as feminine," he said after +we had gone some time in silence. + +"But you are not vain, Mr. Winthrop; I never saw any one so free from +it," I said, gravely. + +"You are determined to overwhelm me with your flattery. We must change +our conversational topics altogether." + +"First, let me ask if flattery is not half-sister to falsehood?" + +"Probably they are pretty closely related; but why are you anxious to get +that matter settled?" + +"Because I do not want you to believe I ever tell you what is not true. +I do not think I could, if I tried." + +"You reserve that privilege, then, for your other friends." + +"Oh, no; I am never tempted to be untruthful with them." + +"And are you so tempted in your relation with me?" he asked, a little +sternly. + +"Sometimes." + +"Why, Medoline, you astonish me. Tell me what reason you have for being +so tempted?" + +"You make me afraid of you; that is my only reason," I murmured, +trembling already with a touch of my natural fear of him. + +"I am sorry to know that I stand in the relation of an ogre to you." + +"You do not, and I never meant to tell you that. I am afraid of you. By +and bye, when I get a little older, I do not think that I shall be; but +you make me tell you everything." + +"If that is the case I am surprised you have so little wrong-doing to +confess. I believe you will ultimately convince me that a few of your sex +have escaped the taint of their evil inheritance." + +His words caused such a thrill of delight that, remembering what a +tell-tale face I had, I turned my head to watch intently the white sails +of a ship far away to the left; but I presently bethought myself to +inquire what our special inheritance was. + +"That which Eve left her daughters--deceit." + +"But, Mr. Winthrop, we are alike descendants of hers; and the sons as +often take after their mother as their father." + +"That is not a bad hit. It never occurred to me before. Men and women, +however, are different; whether created so originally we do not know. +But sometimes we meet a woman combining the best qualities of both sexes; +but so far as my experience goes, they are the rarest product of creative +skill. I dare say there are men occasionally combining the same beautiful +qualities." + +"I think Mr. Bowen does." + +"Have you ever told him as much?" Mr. Winthrop asked, with an odd smile. + +"No, I have scarcely said anything to him about his goodness. I like best +to let him do the talking when we are together." + +"I am getting curious to see that man." + +"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, if you would only come with me to their church. They +are having wonderful meetings, and people are getting converted." + +"What church is it?" + +"Beech Street, I heard the minister pray at Mrs. Blake's funeral, and +once since at the Larkums. I have longed to hear him again. I never heard +anything like it in my life. It reminded me of a beautiful poem or +oratorio." + +"Why, have you not gone to his church, then, to hear him?" + +"I feared you might be displeased." + +We walked on some distance in silence. I stole a quick look once at his +face to see if he was angry, but he seemed in one of his abstracted +moods, and I reflected that by this time, he had probably forgotten +my existence. But I was mistaken; for all at once he said abruptly, as he +stood holding open the gate that led from the footpath into the main +street. "You have been a more obedient girl than I expected any of your +sex could be, especially one with your keen, impetuous nature. To reward +your fidelity I will go to the Beech Street church whenever you wish." I +looked up at him, the grateful tears in my eyes, but some way my feelings +had got beyond my control, and I dared not attempt to thank him. We +joined the crowds on the sidewalk and after a while he said:-- + +"You have not thanked me, Medoline; don't you appreciate my offer?" + +I tried to speak; but my lip quivered, and I remained silent. + +"You have thanked me very eloquently, little one; more so than if you had +used set phrases." + +The remainder of our walk was completed mostly in silence. I scarce knew +why, but my heart was as glad as if June roses and song birds had been +about us as we went. I looked at some staid people,--old looking to me, +though few of them were past fifty,--and pitied them that they too were +not young and glad-hearted like me. As we neared the church, the sunshine +and gladness suddenly grew dim, for there, in all her perfect loveliness, +Mrs. Le Grande was approaching St. Mark's from the opposite direction. +Impulsively I turned to Mr. Winthrop, hoping he would not see her; for +usually he was quite oblivious of the presence of those who might be on +the street with him. A glance assured me that he was looking at her, and +that her desire was gratified. He took no notice, however, of my abrupt +movement, and without change of expression or voice, said: "There seems +a good many strangers on their way to church this morning. Some unusual +circumstance must have occurred to bring out so many curious +worshippers." I could not help smiling at the veiled irony in voice and +words. Fortunately we were considerably nearer the church than Mrs. Le +Grande, and without quickening our steps gained its shelter before she +overtook us, although I saw she moved more quickly after she saw us. St. +Mark's was an ancient church, built in old colonial days. One could +easily fancy themselves in a country church in some quiet English +village, as their eyes fell on the high-backed pews, narrow, stained +glass-windows, and walls covered with memorial tablets, and the other +peculiarities of a church over a century old. The Winthrop pew was near +the pulpit. A large square one, and commanding an excellent view of the +congregation. When Mrs. Le Grande entered, she paused for a moment, +apparently taking a rapid survey of the church; when her eye fell on our +pew. Without paying any attention to the usher, she glided to the nearest +vacant seat to ours. Directly, I was conscious that very many eyes were +upon us. Opening my Bible, I read mechanically the words before me; but +no more conscious of their meaning than if they had been Sanscrit. When +the service began, in the withdrawal of attention to other things, I took +courage to look at Mr. Winthrop. He sat facing Mrs. Le Grande, but with +face as unruffled as if he were reading his morning paper. I glanced next +at Mrs. Le Grande. She sat with downcast eyes, her color varying +fitfully. She might have been taken for some beautiful picture of +penitence. I do not know if Mr. Winthrop vouchsafed her a single look, +but from her expression I judged that she thought he was watching her +closely. It was a relief when the service was ended, although my +conscience painfully reminded me that I would have another master +opportunity for listening to the preached gospel to repent of, or else to +confront some day; for I had been so nervous I had not listened +intelligently to a single sentence of the sermon. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + +MRS. LE GRANDE'S STRATAGEM. + + +The congregation slowly dispersed, Mr. Winthrop pausing, as was his wont, +for the crowd to move out. Although one of the busiest men I ever met, he +never seemed in a hurry. Besides, he had an extreme dislike to be jostled +by a hurrying crowd. When he saw the aisles getting empty he left the +pew. Mrs. La Grande apparently, like ourselves, liked plenty of +elbow-room; for she only left her pew a few steps in advance of us. Mr. +Winthrop walked leisurely towards the door. I dropped behind, not wishing +to bow to her in his presence, and not capable either of the rudeness of +passing her without a friendly nod. My heart beat thickly as I saw him +approaching nearer to her, and a moment after they were side by side. She +partly turned her face toward him, an expression of contrition and +appeal, making her beauty well-nigh irresistible. I gazed, fascinated; +then after awhile I turned my eyes to Mr. Winthrop. I felt a sudden +relief when I saw the same unconcerned expression that was habitual to +him. Mrs. Le Grande looked him, for an instant, full in the face, when a +swift change came over her own countenance. For the first time, probably, +she realized that her power and fascination had lost their effect on him. +A crimson flush of shame and anger swept over cheek and brow, as quickly +followed by a deathly pallor. Mr. Winthrop, without noticing her +presence, walked leisurely on. She stood perfectly still, leaning her +hand, as if for support, against the back of a pew. I hastened to her +side, pitying her deeply in her disappointment. She gave me a dazed look, +scarce seeming to recognize me; I paused an instant and held out my hand, +but she did not seem to notice it. She looked so wan and wretched I felt +I must try to comfort her, though at the risk of Mr. Winthrop's +displeasure. + +"You are not looking well," I said compassionately. "Is there anything +I can do for you?" + +"You would not dare, even if you were willing, with that merciless man so +near," she said, faintly. I paid no attention to her remark, but asked if +I might get her a glass of water. + +"Yes, anything, please, to take away this deathly feeling." I drew her +into a pew and forced her to lie down, crushing thereby a most elegant +toilet. But I was afraid she was dying, she looked so pale; then, rushing +to the vestry, I found the sexton. He looked somewhat startled at sight +of me. + +"Can you give me some water?--there is a lady upstairs very ill." + +"That one that's such a stunner?" he said, coolly, going to a shelf near +where he had water and glasses. + +"I presume it is the same," I said, seizing the glass, while wondering at +his indifference. + +"You'd best not get too frightened, Miss Selwyn. I've heard of that one +afore, and she knows what she's about." + +I hastened back to my charge, leaving him to follow at his leisure. I +found her on the floor, apparently unconscious. Forgetful of the dainty +Paris bonnet, I began applying the water vigorously, when she opened her +eyes, and said: + +"That will do." + +I dried her face, whisking away a few bountiful drops that were clinging +to her garments. She arose directly. Several persons who had been late +in leaving the church had collected around us. She glanced at them, a +look of keen disappointment passing over her face. With an amazing return +of vitality, she passed quickly out of the pew, saying, lightly: + +"Your church was uncomfortably hot, and the air was very impure; it seems +a necessity to absorb one's religion and a vitiated atmosphere at the +same time." + +She turned to me presently, saying: + +"You get very easily alarmed, Miss Selwyn. Are you always so impetuous in +your deeds of mercy?" + +"Oh, no, indeed. I never had such cause for alarm but once before, and +that was a poor widow who was utterly overcome by some good news I was +bringing her. My friends usually have sufficient nerve to endure heavy +shocks," I said, very sweetly. + +Her eyes flashed, but she allowed no further sign of annoyance to escape +her. When we reached the door, she turned to me and said, very cordially: + +"I shall look for you to-morrow, according to promise. Forgive me for +having kept you so long from your escort. I fear a scolding awaits you. +Mr. Winthrop I used to find very impatient, if kept waiting." + +I left her standing on the church steps, and turned my face homeward. +When I reached the street I found Mr. Winthrop had got some distance +ahead; but he was walking slowly, and I soon overtook him. + +"Is it your custom to remain chatting with your friends after the +sermon?" he asked, carelessly. + +"Oh, no; but a lady who sat near us fainted just as I was standing by +her." + +"And, of course, as a sort of mother-general of the sorrowing, you +stopped to comfort her?" + +"Yes; but a few drops of water sufficed. She knew all the time I was in +danger of spoiling her bonnet." + +"I am glad she snubbed you. You are too innocent to be matched against so +perfect an actress." + +Then he changed the conversation, and Mrs. Le Grande was not mentioned +again that day. I noticed, however, that he partook very sparingly of +dinner; and, in the hour or two which he usually spent on the Sabbath +with us in the drawing-room, he was unusually silent. I went to the +library for a book, leaving him and Mrs. Flaxman alone, and returned just +in time to interrupt, a second time, a conversation clearly not intended +for my ears. + +"Yes. She was at church this morning, looking as wickedly beautiful as +ever," he was saying, as if in answer to Mrs. Flaxman's question. + +When the church bells began ringing that evening, a strong desire seized +me to claim the fulfillment of his promise to accompany me to the Beech +Street Church. He may have read it in my face. + +"Are you going to take me out again to-night?" + +"Do you wish to go?" I asked, with girlish eagerness. + +"I have told you before it is not polite to reply to a question by asking +another." + +"Then I would like very much indeed to go to Mr. Lathrop's church +to-night, if you are willing." + +Mrs. Flaxman looked up from her book with amazement. + +"You were never at their church before. What will those people think?" + +"There must always be a first time, and probably you are aware I am not +in bondage to other people's thoughts," he said, with calm indifference. + +"Won't you come, too, Mrs. Flaxman?" I urged. + +"With pleasure," was the smiling response. + +"What will your Dr. Hill think if he hears you have been to hear +Lathrop?" + +"I must endeavor to live above public opinion, as well as you." + +"I am afraid such elevation would chill you." + +"Don't you want Mrs. Flaxman to go?" + +"I have nothing to say against it, if she has courage to brave public +opinion." + +"I did not think you reckoned me such a coward." + +"That shows how little we know what our intimate friends think of us; if +there was a general laying bare of hearts, methinks there would be lively +times for a while." + +I stood thinking his words over very seriously, and then turning to him +said, gravely:-- + +"I would be willing for nearly all my friends to see my thoughts +respecting them." + +"There would be some exceptions, then. You said nearly all, remember. The +few might be the ones most anxious to know, and upon whom the restriction +would bear most heavily." + +"They might not care what I thought," I said with a hot flush; something +in his look making me tremble. + +"If we are to be in time for church we should leave very shortly," he +said, looking at his watch. + +"And we are really going to Beech Street Church this evening?" + +"Yes, really," he said, with that genial smile I was beginning to regard +like a caress. + +Mrs. Flaxman and I hastened to our rooms; she nearly as well pleased as +I. It seemed quite too good to be true that we three were to go in +company to those meetings where men and women talked to each other, and +to God, of all the great things He was doing for them. I was very +speedily robed and back in the drawing-room, where Mr. Winthrop was still +sitting gazing into the fire with that indrawn, abstracted expression on +his face which was habitual to it in repose. I waited silently near until +Mrs. Flaxman should come in and interrupt his reverie. I liked to watch +his face in those rare moments, and used to speculate on what he might +be thinking, and wishing my own thoughts were high and strong enough to +follow his on their long upward flight. + +He looked at me suddenly. + +"What, if I could read your thoughts now, Medoline? From your intent look +I think I was the subject of your meditations." I smiled calmly. + +"You would have been flattered, as you were this morning, perhaps. I was +just wishing I was capable of going with you along those high paths +where, by your face, I knew you were straying." + +"Was that what you were thinking about, and that only?" + +My face crimsoned, but I looked up bravely into the honest eyes watching +me. + +"Must I confess even my thoughts to you, Mr. Winthrop? I have had to ask +that question before?" + +"Not necessarily. But I have a fancy just now to know what else you were +thinking of." + +I hesitated a moment, and then said bravely: "I was looking at your face, +and it occurred to me that in some faces there was the same power to +thrill one's soul that there is in splendid music, or poems that can +never die." + +"You were in a very imaginative and sentimental mood to trace such +analogies. It is not wise to see so much in a common human face." + +"Do we not sometimes get glimpses of God in that way?" I asked. + +"Are you always thinking such high thoughts, Medoline?" + +"Oh, no, indeed. When I have nothing to inspire them, my thoughts are +very commonplace. The brook cannot rise higher than its source; it needs +artificial help to scale mountain tops." + +He looked at me kindly as he said: "You are not fashioned after the +regulation models of the woman of to-day." + +"I think I have heard that idea expressed in varying phrases a good many +times since I came to America." + +"It does not displease you?" + +"It used to at first. Possibly I am getting used to it now. I see there +is so much genuine unhappiness in the world, I am not going to grieve +over the mild criticisms of my friends." + +"A very philosophic conclusion to come to. But does it not occur to you +that other meanings than unkindly ones may be taken from these chance +remarks we let fall?" + +"It would please me if I could," I said, looking at him with pleased +eagerness. Mrs. Flaxman entered the room then, ready for church. My head +was aching severely, and a distressing giddiness occasionally seized me; +but I was so eager for this long coveted privilege, I kept silent about +my feelings. Sickness and I were such strangers to each other, I scarcely +understood its premonitory warnings. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + +BEECH STREET WORSHIPPERS. + + +As we neared the Beech Street Church, we found a crowd of persons +hurrying in the same direction. Mrs. Flaxman expressed her astonishment; +since she supposed Mr. Lathrop's flock to be small in number, and humble +in its class of adherents. When we reached the door, a glance inside +revealed the fact that it was already comfortably filled, and where all +the approaching throng were to be bestowed was a mystery. Daniel Blake +was one of the ushers. His face brightened at sight of us. Nodding +respectfully to Mr. Winthrop, he led us to one of the best seats in the +house. I glanced around at the large congregation, and was impressed by +the solemn hush pervading the place, and the expectant look on the faces +of the worshippers. Mr. Bowen was sitting near and I wanted Mr. Winthrop +to see and know him; so I took out my pencil and wrote on the leaf of my +hymn book directing his attention to my friend. He looked keenly at the +pale, rapt face, and then with a scarce perceptible smile turned to me. + +The church kept filling; and while yet the people were streaming in, the +minister arose, and after a brief, but exceedingly solemn invocation, +gave out the hymn. In an alcove just behind the preacher's stand was a +cabinet organ, and some half dozen singers, male and female; but once the +singing had got well under way, organ and choir were as though they were +not; nearly every one in the house was singing save myself and Mr. +Winthrop. I kept silent the more keenly to enjoy the heavy volume of +sound which impressed me as more reverent praise than any church music +I had ever heard. I turned to Mr. Winthrop. He too was looking over the +dense mass of humanity with a curious intentness, as if here were some +entirely new experience. When the hymn was ended there was a moment's +hush after the congregation had bowed in reverent act of worship and then +the preacher's voice rose in earnest pleading. I noticed it was better +modulated than at Mrs. Blake's funeral, possibly the effort to make +himself heard by the scattered groups on that occasion caused the +difference. My eyes filled with tears, and a strange trembling seized me +as the petitions grew more earnest; the prayer was short, yet so much was +comprehended in it. The Scripture lesson was read in very natural, but +also solemn manner, without any attempt at rhetorical display, yet +bringing out the subtle meanings of the passage in a peculiarly realistic +way. The sermon was delivered in much the same manner; but in every word +and gesture there seemed a reserve power and dignity, while the thoughts +were strong and original; and better than all, they made one wish to be +purer, more unselfish, in fact Christ-like. + +The place seemed pervaded by some mysterious influence never experienced +by me before in any church. The sermon was ended at last; the Judgment +Day was the theme; all the old horror that used haunt me in childhood, +when I thought upon this awful period in my soul's future, came back to +me as the preacher with a power scarce short of inspiration pictured that +day. I could hear Mrs. Flaxman's subdued weeping while in every part of +the house, tears and low sobs added to the solemnity of the scene. Mr. +Winthrop sat with folded arms and set stern face, apparently unmoved; but +the intent watchfulness of his face as he followed the preacher assured +me that the sermon was making an impression. A hymn was sung when the +sermon was ended, and then all who wished to remain to the after-meeting +were assured of a welcome, no matter to what church they belonged, or if +aliens from all. + +I scarce dared lift my eyes to Mr. Winthrop lest he might be preparing to +leave; but to my relief he sat calmly down along with nearly the entire +congregation, and then the other meeting began first with a number of +prayers, afterward with speaking by men and women all over the house. +When Mr. Bowen prayed, there was a solemn hush as if the people were +almost holding their breath lest some word might be missed. I could not +wonder that men's hearts were melted by the power and tenderness of his +utterances. Strange that God should hide such gifts away for years when +the world was in such need of workers. Along through the meeting there +were occasional snatches of song, deep, resonant melody that uplifted +the heart as it welled up from glad, thankful souls. Men and women rose, +for the most part with modest calmness, and told what God had done for +them, and what they still expected from our Father as loving as He is +rich. I listened spellbound. Some of them had a story to tell so like +my own that my heart was thrilled at times. I wanted to tell what God had +done for me, but before that crowded house, and worse than all, in +presence of Mr. Winthrop, I found it impossible; but just at the close +the minister, with a kindly thoughtfulness for which I blessed him said: +"There may be some one here who loves Christ but has not courage to tell +us so. If they are willing to witness for Him we extend them the +privilege of doing this by merely rising to their feet." + +My heart beat painfully and my head swam, but forgetful of my guardian's +displeasure, and the concentrated gaze of some hundreds of eyes, I stood +up. I heard a heartfelt "praise God," from the direction of Mr. Bowen's +pew, and then there was a gentle rustle in every part of the house, and +scores stood up, Mrs. Flaxman among the rest. The meeting closed quietly, +and in the same solemn hush the people departed. + +Mr. Winthrop stood, waiting for the crowd to leave, not seeing the many +curious glances bent our way. Presently the minister was passing our +pew; he paused uncertainly, wishing to speak, I knew from the expression +of his face, but waiting for Mr. Winthrop first to make some sign of +recognition. I stood near enough to reach my hand; my act speedily +followed by Mrs. Flaxman; and then with rare grace and courtesy Mr. +Winthrop extended his hand, saying: "I have to thank you for your very +faithful sermon. I did not know the present generation of preachers dared +talk so plainly to their hearers." + +"Perhaps you do not go in the way of hearing them; the race of heroes is +not yet extinct. Not that I reckon myself a hero," he added, with an +amused smile at the slip of tongue. + +"The rack and flames are not necessary to prove one a hero or martyr. I +dare say many who do not choose to live for their religion would die for +it if it came in their way to do so." + +"Yourself among the number, I believe, Mr. Winthrop," the minister said, +with a penetrating look, that Mr. Winthrop returned in kind. + +"I would take it as a favor if you would dine with us some day soon, and +give me an evening of your society. We might have some topics in common +to discuss," Mr. Winthrop said, to the surprise of each of us, Mr. +Lathrop included. "Possibly you do not make such engagements on the +Sabbath. Pardon me, I had forgotten you were a conscientious man," he +said, after a short pause, seeing Mr. Lathrop hesitate. + +"It is not my usual custom, but nevertheless, I accept your invitation +with pleasure." + +Mr. Bowen was waiting to speak with his minister, it may be hoping to +exchange greeting with us as well. I whispered softly to Mr. Winthrop: + +"Would you like to speak to Mr. Bowen?" + +"If it is your desire, I will do so." + +"I would like you to speak with him very much." + +I made my way quickly to Mr. Bowen's side. He was standing a little way +down the aisle from us. The grasp of his hand and glance of his eye were +like a benediction. + +"I was glad to see you here," he said, in his quiet way, which meant more +than extravagant protestations from others. "There was bread for you, I +think." + +"Yes, and wine; better far than human lips ever quaffed." + +"The new wine of our Father's Kingdom," he said, softly, with such a glad +light in his eyes reminding me of some spiritual illumination the flesh +could not wholly conceal. + +Mr. Winthrop soon joined us, and never did I feel more grateful to my +guardian than when I watched his gracious bearing towards my friend. If +he had been some noted literary gentleman, he could not have been more +genial and polite. + +"My ward has talked so much about you that, out of pure curiosity, I came +to see and hear you to-night," he said, as they walked side by side +towards the door. A faint flush passed over Mr. Bowen's face, but he made +no reply. I was much better pleased than if he had exclaimed against his +own poor abilities, as some would have done, or rhapsodized over his +indebtedness to me. I knew from the expression of Mr. Winthrop's face +that he was pleased with him, and on our way home, he said: "You are like +a magnet, Medoline. You draw the best types of humanity to you as the +lodestone does the steel." + +"You like Mr. Bowen, then?" + +"I do not know him well enough yet for that; but he has genius. Da Vinci +would have taken him for a model for the beloved disciple if he had lived +in his day. I never saw a more spiritual face in any human being." + +"He is like the disciple whom Jesus loved in one thing--he loves the +Christ best of all." + +"Was not that a wonderful meeting, Mr. Winthrop?" Mrs. Flaxman asked, +after we had seated ourselves cosily by the bright fire in the +drawing-room. + +"I do not profess to be a judge in such matters." + +"I think a heathen would have felt some before unknown spiritual +influence there to-night, if he had understood our language," I +exclaimed. + +"Heathen and Christian alike are not so susceptible to spiritual +influences as you, Medoline; so in harmony with the unseen and unknowable +as you are getting to be." + +"Religion cannot be classed with the unknowable. God only leaves us in +uncertainty when we wilfully close our eyes to his teachings." + +"You place no restrictions, then, on the benevolence of your Creator." + +"I shall not make myself a different and narrower creed than the Bible +provides." + +"Men read the Bible and formulate creeds as opposite as the poles. The +pendulum of their belief takes in not merely an arc, but the entire +circle." + +"I think they are wisest who leave creeds; I mean the non-essentials, to +those who try to penetrate mysteries which, maybe, even the angels look +upon as too sacred for them to explore, and just take what is necessary +to make us Christ-like." + +"My dear child, that is taking at a single bound faith's highest peak." + +"I suppose the way-faring man, of whom the Bible speaks, does that. God +may have different patents of nobility from us. I do not mean in the +mere matter of birth, but of what, even to our dim vision, is vastly +higher--the intellectual dower." + +"Medoline tries very hard to assure herself that her Mill Road favorites +are royalties in exile," Mr. Winthrop said, with a smile, turning to Mrs. +Flaxman. + +"I cannot say if she goes quite that far, but she certainly thinks that +she has found among them some diamonds of the first water, though she +cannot but acknowledge they lack the polishing touches to bring out more +effectually their sparkle and brilliancy." + +"I do not know if the best among them have suffered anything from the +lack of the human lapidary's skill. He often, at the best, is a mere +bungler, and while he makes sure to bring out the brilliancy, laps off +other finer qualities the lack of which no spark or brilliancy can +compensate," I replied, by no means convinced, and thinking all the time +of Mrs. Le Grande who had certainly received plenty of polishing touches, +but sadly lacked higher mental and moral qualities. + +"A woman convinced against her will is of the same opinion still," Mr. +Winthrop quoted, although addressing no one in particular. + +"The author's real words are, 'A man convinced against his will,'" I +retorted. + +"In this case it is a woman, and a very determined, insistent little +woman she is too," he replied. + +I rose, and standing before my guardian, said, "I am not such a little +woman, Mr. Winthrop, as you would make me believe. Actually I can look +over Mrs. Flaxman's head." + +"A perfect giantess, especially in defending the character of the poor +and bereaved." + +"If you had studied poor, hard-working people more, and books less, +you would have found some of the rarest specimens of patience, and +self-forgetfulness and fortitude, and oh, so many other beautiful +characteristics, that you would long to strip off your proud ancestry +and wealth, and become like them. They find it so much easier to be +Christians--they are not bewildered by the pride of life and vanities +that pall while they allure, and the perplexity of riches, and other ills +the higher born are heir to." + +"I sincerely hope you will not begin a new crusade, Medoline." + +"Why, Mr. Winthrop, what do you mean?" I asked, surprised at the sudden +turn of the conversation. + +"What do I mean? You have begun it already. I only stipulate that you +carry this crusade no farther." + +"But I do not understand you. How then can I promise to obey your will?" + +"The fashion is rapidly gaining ground for women to have some pet scheme +of reform. A few of them have such ambition for publicity they take their +pet scheme, and the platform, and go trailing over the land like comets. +Now I do not wish you to join this motley crowd, though your heart does +burn over the unacknowledged perfections of the poor." + +"Surely, Mr. Winthrop, you do not insinuate there is the remotest +possibility of such a thing, that I will go to lecturing," I said, with +rising color. + +"Have you not already begun the work? But I shall be very glad to have +your promise that you will not seek a larger audience to listen to you +than your present one." + +"Are you in earnest?" + +"I am certainly in earnest when I assure you it is my desire that you +will not take up lecturing, or develop into a woman with a career." + +I looked at him closely, and turning away, said, "Some day I hope to get +wise enough to know when you are in earnest and when you are merely +bantering me." + +"I think your faculties in that respect are rapidly developing. You +discovered before I did that it was merely badinage on Mr. Winthrop's +part," Mrs. Flaxman said, genially. + +"But, Mr. Winthrop," I said, turning to him once more, "is it right for +you to judge those women so harshly who seize any honest way to get a +hearing? I believe the majority of them are as much in earnest about +their work as you are in any of your most cherished undertakings. Women +more than men have an instinct to sacrifice themselves on the first +genuine altar they meet with. One human being, especially, if he is apt +to be cynical, can scarcely judge another justly." + +"Are you not a little severe on me? but possibly you are correct," he +said, with perfect good humor. + +"I hope you will forgive me that unkind remark," I pleaded. "I am afraid, +after all, it is no use for me to try to be good thoroughly and wholly. I +can only be so in places." + +"You must not despair yet. Much worse persons than you have developed +into saints ultimately, if we can trust the calendar." + +I smiled, although discomfited. "I wish you would try to be good with me. +I am sure I would find it easier." + +"Goodness too easily acquired is not apt to be of a very high quality. +Better fight your own battles and gain your victories all by yourself," +he said, with a smile as he left us for his study. My head was aching so +severely that I concluded to try the effect of rest and sleep, to bring +back my usual freedom from pain. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + +FROM THE DEPTHS. + + +The next day was a wild, drifting storm. My first waking thought in the +early morning was the unpleasant one that my promised visit to Mrs. Le +Grande must be made during the day. When I raised my head from the pillow +the pain was even more severe than on the previous evening, and a dizzy +faintness seized me when I tried to rise. I was so unaccustomed to +sickness I had not learned the happy art of accepting patiently its +behests; so, after a few more efforts, I succeeded in dressing myself. I +went to the window and, on looking out, was greatly relieved to see huge +drifts piled between us and the outside world, which promised at least +one day's blockade unless Thomas and Samuel worked much harder than their +wont. + +I put in an appearance at the breakfast table, although the sight of food +was exceedingly repugnant, and made a pretence to eat what was placed +before me. Mr. Winthrop very cheerfully announced that I was certainly +a prisoner for that day--an announcement I received with perfect +indifference--the mere thought of facing the outside world as I then felt +made me shudder. Probably he was surprised that I took with such extreme +calmness my temporary imprisonment; for he asked if I enjoyed being +snow-bound. + +"I do, to-day," I answered unthinkingly. + +"You must have some special reason for such a state of mind." + +I did not attempt to reply, and was glad to find that his suspicions were +not aroused. After we arose from the table he stood chatting with us by +the fire for some time, while Mrs. Flaxman with a little help on my part +washed the china and silver, interjecting a word now and then with deep +content. I could see these genial moods of my guardian gave her unbounded +satisfaction; sometimes when I looked in her gentle, patient face and +remembered how few real joys she had in her daily life, I used to get +positively angry with him, because, as a rule, he was so chary with his +smiles and gracious words. As he was leaving the room he turned to me and +said:--"I would like you to come to the library after you get those +important partnership duties completed." + +"Do you mean our dish-washing?" I asked. + +"Yes, certainly. You seem to enjoy menial work very much." + +"It is woman's work, Mr. Winthrop, just as much as painting pictures or +studying German metaphysics is,--a much more important work for me, if +I marry a poor man and become my own maid of all work." + +"Ah, indeed! you think, then, of becoming one of them. I mean one of your +own favorite class. I presume you have not yet selected the happy pauper +whose poverty you intend to share." + +"Oh, no, I have not given the question of a husband, or settlement in +life any serious thought as yet. I was only supposing a case. One never +knows what may happen, and even royalties now and then are reduced to +genteel beggary." + +"You are merely getting accustomed to the life, taking time by the +forelock, we might say," he said with an amused look. "Well, since you +are not altogether committed to that way of living, and in case your +dreams are not realized, we will continue the German metaphysics a little +longer. I got in a fresh supply of books on Saturday. I would like you to +come and look them over with me. You may see something you would like to +take up." + +I thanked him and promised to join him shortly. + +When we were alone Mrs. Flaxman said, with a reflective air, as she stood +polishing the cream jug; "I never expected to see Mr. Winthrop so nice to +a woman as he is to you." + +"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, do you call him nice?" I asked in amazement. + +"Yes, dear, beautifully so. He puts on a brusque outside, but it is as +much to conceal his liking for you as anything, and then he does more for +you than he would for any one else in the world. Now, if I had tried for +a lifetime, I could not have got him out to Beech Street Church and I +doubt if there is any one besides yourself could have done it. Some men, +unknown to themselves, have strong paternal instincts; and it only +requires the right touch to waken these instincts." + +"But he is too young to be my father; and any way he said he was not +anxious for me to regard him in that way," I remonstrated. + +"He is old in heart if not in years, my child. His has been an intense +and also bitter life,--the last few years at least." + +"Yes, I know," I said unthinkingly; "but a man like Mr. Winthrop is +foolish to let a woman like Mrs. Le Grande embitter his life." + +"Medoline, where did you hear of Mrs. Le Grande?" she asked sharply. + +My face crimsoned guiltily, but I remained silent. + +"Was it Mrs. Blake, or any of the Mill Road people told you?" + +"No, indeed. I have told you before they never gossip about him." + +"Was it any of our own friends, the Carters, or Flemings? I know they are +vulgarly inclined, for all they are in good society." + +"It was none of these, nor any one you have seen for a good many years, +that told me what I know." + +"You must tell me, Medoline, who told you. It is the first time I have +tried to force your confidence." + +"But I have promised not to tell you." + +"Had you met Mrs. Le Grande before you were with her yesterday when she +fainted in church?" + +My answer was a sob. + +"Where had you met her, Medoline?" + +"You will tell Mr. Winthrop, and he will never forgive me." + +"Then you have really been with her?" + +"Yes, she sent me a letter requesting me to visit her." + +"And you went. When was this?" + +"A week ago. But I did not dream she was a rich woman or had ever known +Mr. Winthrop. I thought it was some one poor and in distress. I did not +know it was a person suffering from heartbreak." + +"Heart-break!" she exclaimed, with such a flash of scorn, that the +surprise her words created effectually dried my tears. + +"She has no heart to get broken, except the organ that propels her +blood--even a cat has the same." + +"She is very beautiful, and is also extremely anxious to make reparation +to Mr. Winthrop for the wrong she has done him." + +"She is as heartless and selfish as she is beautiful; and if she were to +be allowed the privilege of making reparation, the second offence would +be worse than the original one. But we will not mention her name again. +Leave her alone as she deserves." + +"She compelled me to give my promise to go and see her again. She looks +for me to-day." + +"Medoline, have you no sense of propriety? Mr. Winthrop's ward visiting, +unknown to him, the woman who wrought him such grievous wrong? Can you +expect him to forgive such an act, especially when he was getting to have +such confidence in your honesty and purity?" + +"You will tell Mr. Winthrop?" + +"I must obey him. It was his hope you would never hear the disgraceful +story. His special command if you did that I must tell him directly. I +promised to do so and I must fulfill that promise, but at a cost, +Medoline, that I dare not think of." + +"Will you go directly then? Maybe this is my last day at Oaklands. I +shall not stay here to suffer his contempt and displeasure." I said +wearily, my bodily misery dulling to some extent the mental pain; for I +was growing sick rapidly. With difficulty I gained the shelter of my own +room, my one haven of refuge in the wide world. Crouching by the window I +watched the mad, hurrying storm outside, and wondering vaguely if nature +suffered in this elemental warfare as we did in our tempests of the soul +when the very foundations of hope and happiness were getting swept from +our feet. In imagination I re-lived my past months at Oaklands, my +intercourse with Mr. Winthrop, his gradually increasing esteem, the +friendship, nay rather the comradeship that was being cemented between us +over literature and art, the help he was giving me in these, and the rare +life that imagination was beginning to picture that we might enjoy +through coming years together. + +I realized then, as never before, how happy I had been in my new home; +and with a clearness that gave me pain came the consciousness how much my +guardian had become to me. After to-day I might never again call Oaklands +my home. If I had gone at once and confessed to Mr. Winthrop on my return +that day from Linden Lane that I had met Mrs. Le Grande he could not have +been reasonably angry with me; but I had concealed from him the fact, and +had also promised her another interview, and now with vision grown +suddenly clear I could realize how he would receive my unwilling +confession, after a whole week's silence. With aching head and heart +I wondered at the cruelty of circumstance that forced the innocent to +suffer with the guilty. + +With my intense nature, so susceptible either to pleasure or pain, those +lonely hours in my own room, that bitter day, left their trace on heart +and body for long weary weeks. When at last Mrs. Flaxman came to me, her +own face sad and troubled, I no longer felt the cold in my fireless room; +for the blood now was rushing feverishly in my veins, and my head +throbbing with intense pain. I listened to what she had to say in a +dazed, half-conscious way. I heard her say something about Mr. Winthrop's +displeasure, but I was too sick to care very much for anything, just +then. I startled her at last by saying:--"I do not understand what you +are saying. Please wait and tell me some other time." + +"Sure, you have not been sitting all this time here in the cold. You +should have gone where it was warm, or rung for Esmerelda to kindle your +fire." + +I rose and tried to walk across the room; but staggered and would have +fallen only that she supported me. + +"Are you sick, Medoline?" She asked, in great alarm. + +"My head aches and I am very hot," I said uncertainly. I was unused to +sickness and scarcely knew how much pain was necessary before I could +truthfully say I was ill. I remember thinking the matter over with great +seriousness, and wishing Mrs. Blake, with her superior knowledge of +bodily ailments, was there to decide, until at last I got tired and tried +to forget all about it. Then everything began to grow uncertain. I knew +that I was lying in bed and the fire burning brightly in the grate, while +persons were passing to and fro; but they did not look familiar. I kept +wishing so much that Mrs. Blake would come with her strong, cheery +presence to comfort me, and if she would give me a drink of pure cold +water from one of her own clean glasses I should be content to turn my +face to the wall and sleep. But after a time my one despairing thought +was Mr. Winthrop's displeasure, while hour after hour, and day after day, +I tried to tell him that I did not mean to deceive him, and wanted to be +just to every one alike, but he was never convinced and used to come and +go with the same stern, hard look on his face that nearly broke my heart. +When just at the point of utter despair, when I thought all had turned +against me, Mr. Bowen or Mrs. Blake used to step up and tell me they +understood it all and believed in me, then for awhile I would shut my +eyes and rest, only to open them again to plead once more for +forgiveness; but to plead vainly. Then I would be on the point of leaving +Oaklands forever, and bidding good-bye to every one in the household save +Mr. Winthrop. He always turned away sternly and refused me his hand. I +was not conscious when it was day or night. It was all one perpetual +twilight. I would ask if the sun would never rise again, or the moon come +back with her soft shining; but no one heeded my questions. I resolved +to be so patient after this in answering people's questions when their +heads were full of pain, since I knew how sad it was to go on day after +day with these puzzling, wearying questions haunting one. Then there came +a long, quiet time of utter forgetfulness when I passed down into the +very valley of the shadow that Death casts over the nearly disembodied +spirit, and here I had rest. + +When at last I opened my eyes to see the old, accustomed place and faces, +I was like a little child. + +I lay quiet for some time wondering if it were possible for me to lift my +hand. It was night, for the lamp was burning, and some one was sitting +just within the shadow the lamp shade cast. I hoped it was Mrs. Blake, +and lay wondering how I could find out. I tried to lift my head, but +found the effort so wearying I went back into brief unconsciousness. +Presently my eyes opened again; but this time there was a face bending +over my bed, so that I had no need to muster my feeble forces to attract +their attention. I smiled up weakly into the face that in the dim light +I failed to recognize. + +"Do you know me, dearie?" I was sure it was Mrs. Blake's voice sounding +strong and real. + +"Is it Mrs. Blake?" I asked uncertainly. + +"Yes, dearie, it jest is." Then I shut my eyes, so tired I could not even +think; but I heard a rustling sound, and a voice, that sounded a long way +off, murmur, "Thank God!" The voice sounded familiar, but I could not +recall whose it was. I tried to do so, but the effort wearied me. A spoon +was put to my lips, the milk that was given to me brought back the long +ago times--so long ago, I wondered if now I was an old woman; but after +brief reflection I knew this could not be, since Mrs. Blake was still +alive, and not much older in appearance than when I saw her last. To make +sure of the matter I determined to look at her again, and opened my eyes +to settle my perplexity; but this time the face looking down at me was +not Mrs. Blake's. I tried to raise my head on the pillow the better to +see who it was, when the person stooped near to me and said: "You are +coming back to us, Medoline." I wondered who was calling me by that name. +No one save Mr. Winthrop and Mrs. Flaxman were in the habit now of doing +so; but my strength was so rapidly waning I could neither see nor hear +very distinctly. After a few seconds, once more rallying all my forces, +I looked up again. + +"Who is it?" I whispered. + +"Do you not know me, Medoline?" + +"Is it,"--I paused, trembling so with excitement I could scarce +articulate,--"is it Mr. Winthrop?" + +"Yes, little one." + +The old caressing name he had given me long ago, surely he must have +forgiven me or he would not use it now. But I was not satisfied without +the assurance that we were to take up again the kindly relations of the +past; and so with an effort that seemed likely to sweep me back +dangerously near that shore I had so lately been skirting, I looked up +and said: "I am sorry I displeased you; won't you forgive me?" My voice +was so weak I was afraid he could not catch the words I uttered; but he +folded my thin, shadowy hand in his, which seemed so strong and muscular +I fancied it could hold me back from the gates of Death if its owner so +willed, and after a few seconds' silence, he said, gently: "You must +never think of that again, Medoline. Just rest, and come back to us. +We all want you more than we can tell." + +"Then I am forgiven, and you will trust me once more," I pleaded softly. + +"Yes, Medoline, as I expect to be trusted by you," he said, with a +solemnity that made me tremble. My eyes closed in utter weariness and +then I seemed to be floating, floating over summer seas, and under such +peaceful, blessed skies, I began to wonder if I was not passing out to +the quiet coast bordering on the Heavenly places. + +Of one thing only was I certain--the hand that still held mine, which +kept me from drifting quite away from the shores of time. I tried to +cling to it, but my hand could only lie nerveless within its firm grasp. +I believed if once the hold was loosened I should slip quietly out into +the broader sea just beyond me. I wondered which was best--life or +death,--then far down in my soul I seemed to grow strong, and could +calmly say, "as God wills;" and for a long time I seemed to be passively +awaiting His will. It was very strange, the thoughts I had, lying there +so far within the border land; as if the faculties of mind and soul had +nearly slipped the fleshly leash, and independently of their environment, +boldly held counsel, and speculated on the possibilities of their +immediate future. + +But gradually the wheels of life began to turn more strongly. When next +I opened my eyes the daylight was softly penetrating the closely drawn +curtains. Mrs. Flaxman was standing near, looking worn and pale; but Mrs. +Blake was also there, and loomed up before me, strong as ever--a look +into her kindly face was like a tonic. When she saw me watching her she +turned around, and very softly whispered to Mrs. Flaxman, who, casting a +startled, anxious glance towards me, went silently from the room. + +Mrs. Blake, without speaking, gave me some nourishment. After I had taken +it I began to feel more like a living creature. + +"Mrs. Blake," I whispered. She stooped down to listen. "Tell me, please, +how long I have lain here." + +"A good long bit, but the doctor says we mustn't talk to you, or let you +talk." + +"I am so tired thinking; won't you sing to me?" + +"My voice ain't no great shakes; but I'll do the very best I can for you, +dearie." + +She went to the other side of the room, and seating herself in a +comfortable easy-chair began in a low, crooning voice to sing one of +Doctor Watts' cradle melodies. + +Probably she had learned it in childhood from her own mother, and in turn +sung it again to the infant Daniel. It soothed me better than Beethoven +or Wagner's grandest compositions could have done. I lay with closed +eyes, seeing in imagination the great army of mothers who had lulled +their babies to sleep with those same words, and the angels hovering near +with folded wings guarding the sleeping nestlings. + +The voice grew indistinct, and presently sleep, more deep and refreshing +than I had known for weeks, enfolded me. The doctor entered the room at +last to put a stop to the music, and found Mrs. Blake tired and +perspiring, but singing steadily on. Without missing a note she pointed +to the bed and the peaceful sleeper. He smiled grimly and withdrew; no +doubt realizing there were other soporifics applied by nature than those +weighed and measured by the apothecary. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + +CONVALESCENCE. + + +When the curtains were withdrawn from my windows, and I was strong enough +to look once more on the outer world, I found the late April sun was +bringing back life and beauty to the trees and shrubbery around Oaklands. +Thomas and Samuel were well on with their gardening, and already a few +brave blossoms were smiling up at us from mother earth. I felt like one +who had been visiting dim, mysterious shores, and had got safely back +from those outlying regions. I used to lie in those quiet hours of +convalescence, trying to decide what was real and what fanciful in the +experiences of the last few weeks. When Mrs. Flaxman considered me strong +enough to listen to consecutive conversation she gave me the particulars +of my sudden attack of illness and the incidents connected therewith. + +I was one of the first stricken with a virulent type of typhoid fever +which, in very many cases, had proved fatal. + +A want of sanitary precaution in Cavendish had caused the outbreak which +caused, in loss of life, and incidental expenses, far more than the most +approved drainage would do in a generation. I was amazed when the names +of my fellow sufferers were mentioned; among them Mrs. Le Grande, whose +recovery was still considered by the doctors exceedingly uncertain. + +Mr. Winthrop, she informed me, had not sufficient confidence in the local +doctors to trust me entirely to their care, and at the height of the +fever had sent for one from New York. "But for that," she continued, "I +believe you would be in your grave to-day." + +"I did not think Mr. Winthrop would care very much. He is so angry with +me." + +"He very soon got over his anger when he found how sick you were. At +first he was nearly beside himself; for he thought it was the message I +had taken to you from him that day that caused your illness. He would +come to your bedside, and listen to your appeals for forgiveness with +such an expression of pain on his face. Sometimes he would take your +hands in his, assuring you of his forgiveness; but you never understood +him. I was afraid you would die without ever knowing." + +"But I would have known all about it, once my spirit had got freed from +the body; I cannot describe what glimpses I have had of other worlds +than ours. It seemed so restful there; so much better than we have words +to describe." + +"We are so glad you did not leave us for that place, even though it is so +beautiful." + +"When this life is done, and its work all finished, I may slip away +there. I think my soul saw its home and can never again be so fully +content with earth." + +"Try not to think about it, Medoline, any more." + +"Why not?" + +"When a person's spirits begin to get homesick for a higher existence, +usually they soon drift quietly away where they long to be." + +Another day she told me how much Mrs. Blake had done for me, nursing me +with a skill and patience that drew high praise from the dignified city +physician accustomed to skilled nurses. Mr. Winthrop used to come and go, +watching her closely, and one day he said:-- + +"No matter what happens, Mrs. Blake's future will be attended to." + +Then I asked the question that had been troubling me ever since I had +been getting better. + +"Why do I never see or hear anything from Mr. Winthrop? you say he has +forgiven me; but he has not so much as sent me a message, or flower +since I came to myself." + +"Why, Medoline, did you not know?" + +"Know what?" I asked, interrupting her, "has he gone away with Mrs. Le +Grande?" I had forgotten for the moment that Mrs. Le Grande was even +weaker than myself. + +"Oh, no, indeed; marriage has been one of her least anxieties of late. +Mr. Winthrop is in London before this: I am looking for letters now every +day." + +"Has he gone to Europe?" + +"Yes; I thought of course you knew; he left the very day the doctor +pronounced you out of danger." + +"Did you know he thought of going?" + +"No, we were greatly surprised; I cannot think why he left so abruptly." + +"Perhaps he was afraid of Mrs. Le Grande. He knows how fascinating she +can be when she chooses." + +"I do not think she had anything to do with it. She was perfectly +harmless when he left, in the delirium of fever, with two physicians in +attendance." + +I was not convinced by Mrs. Flaxman's words, but said no more on the +subject. + +My strength rapidly returned once I had got in the open air. Thomas +always found it perfectly convenient now to take me for a drive, even at +most unseasonable hours. His gardening was pressing heavily upon him, and +no doubt it was hard for him to trust the care of flower and vegetable +beds to other hands; but of the two he preferred to trust them rather +than me, to strangers. + +We took long drives over hill and valley--for the most part taking the +road that skirted the seashore. Silently I would watch the white sails +disappearing beyond the eastern horizon, wishing that I could follow them +to my guardian's side. I missed the delightful hours I used to spend in +his study listening to his conversation, so different from that of any +human being I ever knew. He lived so far above the range of little minds, +the trivialities of everyday life, social gossip, and the like, seemed +to shrink from his presence. One always felt the touch of noble thoughts, +and the longing for high endeavor where he was. I lived over again in +these long, quiet drives, with the silent Thomas, those last few months, +when, with my innocent child's heart, I sunned myself in his presence, +unconscious of the rare charm and fascination that drew me to him. + +But as I grew stronger I turned from the past and its memories, +bitter-sweet, and set myself resolutely to the duty of living my life +well, independently of its secret unrest and pain. I knew that many +before me, multitudes after me, would be called to endure a like +discipline, and the world, no doubt, is the richer in what it holds as +imperishable because of the compensation suffering brings; for if we take +with a docile mind the discipline God gives, there will always be +compensation. One day, when I had come back strengthened from a long +drive along the seashore, a very pleasant surprise awaited me. Mrs. +Flaxman had received letters from Mr. Winthrop which, to my surprise, she +did not share with me. But she handed me a check for two hundred dollars, +which I was to distribute among my poor friends. That money I believe +helped to change the destinies of several lives: for I tried to lay it +out in a way that would help some to improve their chances to make life +a success. + +June, with its flowers and perfumes, came at last; and in the early +morning, when I used to ramble through the stretches of flowers and +shrubbery, and under the trees, tremulous with bird song, I wondered how +the owner of all this beauty could willingly banish himself from it. +Thomas permitted me to gather flowers at will--a favor I used to the +utmost, among others sending Mrs. Le Grande a daily remembrance from +Oaklands, in the shape of a bouquet of the choicest blossoms. + +At last I resolved to follow the flowers myself, though at the risk of +the second time incurring Mr. Winthrop's displeasure; but if she were +soon to die, as her attendants seemed to expect, surely here was +missionary work right at my door. I found the cottage a perfect bower of +roses. The garden in front was a wilderness of the choicest varieties I +had ever seen, and in the windows nothing could be seen but green leaves +and blossoms of every varying tint. It seemed hard to believe that the +rarest rose of all was lying there, fading slowly away amid all this +fragrance and beauty. I rang the bell, which was answered by the same +little maid who had received me before. I asked for Mrs. Le Grande. + +"She's no better, ma'am, and Missus thinks she'll never be; but, my! we +dassent tell her; she's that 'fraid of death." + +"Does she see strangers?" + +"There's not many comes to see her, but I'll tell her you're here. Just +step in here, please, and sit down for a minute." + +She opened a door near by; but I thanked her and said I would wait in the +garden among the roses for her answer. + +She soon came for me with a smiling face, saying Mrs. Le Grande would be +glad to see me, and then led the way to her room. + +Mrs. Le Grande was reclining in an invalid's chair, propped up with +pillows, a rich satin quilt thrown over her feet, and robed in a pink +silk wrapper that matched perfectly her exquisite complexion and the +roses fastened in her hair. She received me with a gaiety that, under the +circumstances, astonished me, saying: "Why, how well you look! Your +attack of fever could not have been so severe as mine." + +"I was very ill indeed, I cannot imagine how one could be worse and +live," I said, gravely. + +"But I shall not be so strong as you for some weeks. It has left me with +a troublesome cough, I shall be well when that leaves me." + +I felt constrained; uncertain what to say. Since her recovery was +doubtful I shrank from encouraging her in a false hope, and I could not +tell her that we all thought she must soon die. She soon noticed my +constraint, and began to rally me. + +"Is it on account of Mr. Winthrop's absence you are looking so +sorrowful?" she asked. + +"I was not thinking of him, but of you alone." + +"That is kind, but I am not flattered. I did not think I was such a +gloomy object for reflection." + +"I was only sorry to see you looking so frail, and wishing I could help +you," I said, gently. + +"If you only could, I would very soon discharge those useless doctors; +they are all alike, I believe; for I have tried each one of them in turn, +and they none of them have done much for me." + +"I do not think there is so much difference in doctors as people imagine, +if they but learn the nature of the disease, they all know the proper +remedies to use." + +"That is poor consolation for me, I know if I had a good physician I +would be well in a few days; but the trouble with those who have attended +me is, they do not understand my case and do not administer the proper +remedies." + +"Nature is an excellent healer herself. If wisely assisted, she soon +works the miracle of healing, unless,--" I hesitated. + +"Unless what?" she asked sharply. + +"God has willed otherwise." + +"I cannot listen to such words, I am not going to die until I am old. Oh, +why must we grow old and die at last? it was a cruel way to create us." + +"The other world seemed so beautiful to me when I was so sick, I scarcely +wanted to come back to this." + +"Well, it seems just the reverse to me, I lie awake at night and shudder +when I think of death and the grave. It makes me shudder now in the +sunshine, and with you smiling down so kindly at me. Please to never +mention such things to me again." + +I felt grieved; for then my task in coming here would be a vain one. +Day by day as I came to see her, the hectic flush in her cheek kept +deepening, and the eyes grew brighter and more sorrowful, while she grew +gradually weaker. + +Very soon the pretty parlor was vacated, while her bed was the only +comfortable resting-place. She was anxious to have me come, and the nurse +said she counted the hours between my departure and return. Her eagerness +to have me read to her puzzled me at first, especially since she was +indifferent as to what I read, but after a while I found that she prized +my reading merely because it acted as a sedative. During the night sleep +usually forsook her; but when I left she was generally sleeping +peacefully. She permitted me to read the Bible as much as I chose. One +day she explained the reason for her indifference in the matter:-- + +"I do not wish to get interested in anything you read, for then I would +keep awake to listen; but the sleep you bring me is better than all my +medicine, I set nurse reading to me one day; but her voice was +uncultivated, and her emphasis intolerable I should soon be well if you +would read to me all the time." + +"I never heard of any one getting raised from a sick-bed by so simple a +remedy." + +"You do not try to encourage me," she said, fretfully. + +I read on to her day after day until my voice grew husky, and the mere +act of speaking often wearied me. + +We all saw the end was rapidly approaching, but no one had the courage to +tell her. She got so angry with me one day when I suggested bringing Mr. +Lathrop to visit her, that I slipped quietly away to escape the storm I +had raised. I used to go and return with a sense of defeat that paralyzed +all hopeful enthusiasm, and fearing that Mr. Winthrop's displeasure had +probably been a second time incurred, without any corresponding gain to +debit the loss. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + +THE SOUND OF MARRIAGE BELLS. + + +I came home one day more dispirited than usual. I had found Mrs. Le +Grande weaker than ever, and yet she was clinging tenaciously to life, +and had that morning dictated an order to her dress-maker in New York for +a most elaborate costume. When I tried to urge her to think of something +more enduring than the raiment whose fashion and beauty soon changes, she +forbade me mentioning such a thing again in her presence, nor would she +listen to the Scripture reading on which I always insisted as the one +condition on which I would read to her at all. I knew my own words were +powerless to break the crust of worldliness and selfishness that bound +her heart, but I hoped God's word might pierce it. Hubert had returned +from college a few days before, and just as I entered the oak avenue from +the little footpath through the wood, I met him cantering along on Faery. + +"A stranger has just arrived whom you will be surprised to see," he +called to me. + +"Any one I know?" I asked carelessly. + +"I should say it was; and one whom you will be glad to see, if I am not +mistaken." + +"Won't you tell me who it is and so prolong my pleasure, for I am not +going direct to the house. I intend taking a stroll through the garden to +try and get some unhappy fancies brushed away by the blossoms." + +"Anticipation is said to exceed realization, so I will generously leave +you the former," he said, giving Faery the whip and cantering rapidly +away. + +I did not find the flowers such comforters as I hoped, and soon entered +the house, no doubt slightly impelled thereto by a natural curiosity as +well. I glanced into the drawing-room and parlors as I passed along the +hall and began to think Hubert was merely subjecting me to one of his +practical jokes, as I could see no sign of visitors anywhere, and I +concluded to go to the library and try for a while to forget myself and +heartaches in an hour's hard reading. I found the door ajar and when I +entered the room was surprised to find the curtains drawn, and the room +flooded with the June sunshine. I turned to the study-table to see who +might be taking such liberties in the master's absence when there, +standing with his back to me stood Mr. Winthrop himself. He turned +suddenly and saw me. "Ah, little one, have you come to speak to me?" + +"I did not know you were here; but I am very glad to speak to you--to +welcome you home," I said, giving him my hand. + +"You seem like one come back to me from the dead," he said, soberly, +still holding my hand. + +"I am not sure if it was not you who held me back from those shining +gates." + +"What do you mean?" + +"When you held my hand through that long night, I thought but for your +firm grasp I should drift out of reach of life altogether." + +"I tried to pray that night, Medoline, as I had never done before; I +believe my prayers were answered." + +"Then you have found that the Bible is true?" I asked, looking up eagerly +into his face. + +"Yes, every day more clearly." + +"Then it was well worth all the weariness and pain I endured to have you +say this; but have you fully forgiven me, Mr. Winthrop, and may we take +up our friendship as before?" + +"Must we take it up as before, Medoline? I have found I cannot be +satisfied with your friendship only?" + +"I do not understand you." + +"You drove me away, and you have forced me to return--must I leave again? +I cannot remain near you any longer with our relation to each other +unchanged. I must have your love or nothing. Friendship between us, and +nothing more, is out of the question. Can you not learn to love me, +Medoline?" + +I turned and placed both my hands in his. + +"Does this mean love instead of fear? Remember you told me not long ago +you were afraid of me; answer me truly, little one; do hand and heart go +together?" + +"If you care to have them," I murmured softly, "but, have you forgotten +Mrs. Le Grande?" + +"Long ago I ceased to think of her, only as one may remember a brief +surrender to an ignoble passion. The mistake I made was in measuring +womanhood generally by her standard--you have taught me, my darling, that +angels have not yet ceased to visit our poor earth." + +"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, you must not go to the other extreme or I shall soon +disappoint you." + +"You are all I could wish, Medoline. If it were possible I would not ask +any change in mind or body, my Eve--fresh from the hand of God." + +His words frightened me; for how could I ever fulfill his expectations? +He read my face. + +"Are you sure, Medoline, you love me as I want to be loved by my wife? +Have you gained your woman's heart with its full capacity for love or +suffering, or are you still only a child?" + +"I could die for you, Mr. Winthrop, if it were for your good; I do not +ask for anything better than to be near you always in time and eternity." + +"Since how long have you regarded me in this way, Medoline?" + +"You remember that long night holding my hand, when I was at the worst of +the fever? I saw everything clearly then. My spirit seemed to get away +from the body, or very nearly so, and looked on things as it had never +done before." + +"Did you wonder after that why I left you so abruptly?" + +"For a long time I thought you were still at Oaklands. Every day I used +to hope you might come, or send me a message." + +"You shall never be so left again till death separates us." + +"If you cared for me then, why did you leave me?" I asked timidly. + +"If I cared for you then, Medoline! Why don't you ask me when first I +began to love you?" + +"I did not think to ask." + +"Do you remember that day in the autumn when you had the Mill Road people +here?" + +"Yes." + +"You came to me, if you remember, with the widow Larkum's baby in your +arms, a very timid, and beseeching look on your face at the same time." + +I nodded in reply. + +"My heart went out to you then and there, as it never did to any woman. +I had been fascinated and amused with your ways before that. How I have +waited and hoped since then to see you turn to me with the love-light in +your eyes! Fear lest I might lose my self-restraint and speak too soon, +drove me from you--fear lest some other man would win what I so +passionately craved has brought me back. Darling, you have made this +the happiest day of my life." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + +THE END. + + +I never saw Mrs. Le Grande again alive. The following morning I made my +confession to Mr. Winthrop, and got his consent to continue my visits +to the sick room, at Rose Cottage, until recovery or death should take +place. My one anxiety as I walked along the field and woodland that day, +was lest my face might reveal to her keen vision the gladness that +thrilled all my pulses. I did not wait to ring the bell but went directly +to her rooms. The parlor door was closed; when I opened it, at the +farther end of the room I was startled to see a white-robed form lying on +one of the sofas. + +I hesitated with sudden fear, but finally summoning all my resolution I +crossed the room and stood beside the clay-cold form of Mrs. Le Grande. +The nurse who was in the adjoining room came to my side and after a few +seconds' silence she said, gently: + +"I never felt so lonesome with any dying person as with her last night." + +"Did she know she was dying?" + +"Yes, we told her. It seemed dreadful to let her go before her Maker +without a prayer for mercy, but her thoughts, for all we told her, were +more about this world than the next. She made her will as soon as the +doctor came. We sent for him in haste, and then she told us what to put +on her when we prepared her for the coffin. That's the gown she was to +have been married in. She said: 'Mr. Winthrop shall see his bride in her +wedding dress, at last.'" + +I looked at the rich white satin, with its exquisite trimming of lace, +and the fresh gathered roses instead of orange blossoms. + +"Did she say nothing about where her soul was going?" I asked, yet +dreading a reply. + +"After he'd got the will drawn, the doctor asked her if her business for +another world was satisfactorily arranged; but she said the next world +would have to wait its turn after she'd got there; she had no strength +left to make any more preparations." + +I turned away, too sick at heart to listen longer, but the nurse followed +me with a message from the dying woman. + +"It was her special request that you and Mr. Winthrop should come to her +funeral, and afterward be present at the reading of the will. I am not at +liberty to explain, but I think you will regret it if you do not come. +She said that was to be the sign of reconciliation between her and Mr. +Winthrop." + +"I will deliver the message, and, if possible, prevail on him to come," +I promised, and then hastily left the house. When I reached home I went +directly to the library where I found Mr. Winthrop. He looked surprised +to see me back so soon, and then, noticing traces of tears on my face, +said: + +"What is wrong, little one?" + +"Mrs. Le Grande died sometime during the night. The nurse told me she +showed no anxiety respecting her future state." + +He was silent. At last I said: "You have forgiven her, Mr. Winthrop?" + +"Forgiven her! Yes, Medoline; and if she had lived, I could never have +repaid her for the lesson she taught me, and the favor she conferred on +me by going away so abruptly." + +"Then you will grant her last request that we should both attend her +funeral, and the reading of her will. I have an impression she has left +each of us some keepsake, as a token of her repentance." + +"Don't you think, little one, that would be a mercenary motive to take us +there?" + +"But I want you to grant her dying request," I murmured, already ashamed +of my argument. + +"We will both go, assuredly; and in the meantime I shall see that +preparations for her funeral are suitably arranged." + +"You will look upon her dead face; she left directions as to how she +should be robed for the grave. She said you should see your bride in her +wedding dress at last." + +"I expect, before many weeks, to see my own precious bride. I shall be +indifferent as to her dress. It will be herself I shall look at," he said +with a caress that for the time made me forget Mrs. Le Grande. + +We went to the funeral, to which went also a good part of the townsfolk; +for curiosity was on tip-toe. Thomas was greatly mystified when Mr. +Winthrop, leaving Mrs. Flaxman at Oaklands, bade him drive us back to +Linden Lane. Dr. Hill was there, and Mrs. Le Grande's lawyer from New +York, and Dr. Townshend, who had drawn her will, with the nurse and +landlady, who were her witnesses. Presently the lawyer put on his +spectacles, and broke the seal, and then in a hard, dry voice began to +read the will. I listened with languid interest until presently Mr. +Winthrop's name was mentioned. I looked at him with keen surprise. Could +it be possible Mrs. Le Grande had willed him the bulk of her fortune? His +face was pale, I could see no trace of a satisfaction one might naturally +expect on the face of another at such unexpected accession of wealth; +rather he looked grieved and shocked. Before I had time to recover myself +my own name was read off in the even, unimpassioned tones of the lawyer. +She left me her jewelry, pictures, and other valuables. It seemed like +one of the fairy tales of my childhood. There was something pathetic, +too, in the wording of her will: "I hope they will adorn a happier woman +than I have been," as if that, too, were a legacy she bequeathed me. + +The formality of reading the will ended, Mr. Winthrop asked for an +immediate and private interview with the lawyer. Afterward I learned it +was to see if some informality could not be discovered, rendering the +will illegal, but this was impossible. He took the money as a sacred +trust, expending the interest year by year on religious and benevolent +objects. Into many a heathen household has it already carried the blessed +light of the gospel--to many a burdened heart has it come to lighten the +load of poverty and care. + +The story of one memorable year of my life is told. It was the prelude to +many a happier year. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Medoline Selwyn's Work, by Mrs. J. J. 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J. Colter + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .linenum {position: absolute; top: auto; left: 4%;} /* poetry number */ + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + .pagenum {position: absolute; left: 92%; font-size: smaller; text-align: right;} /* page numbers */ + .sidenote {width: 20%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em; margin-left: 1em; + float: right; clear: right; margin-top: 1em; + font-size: smaller; background: #eeeeee; border: dashed 1px;} + + .bb {border-bottom: solid 2px;} + .bl {border-left: solid 2px;} + .bt {border-top: solid 2px;} + .br {border-right: solid 2px;} + .bbox {border: solid 2px;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + .u {text-decoration: underline;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + .footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + .fnanchor {vertical-align: super; font-size: .8em; text-decoration: none;} + + .poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem br {display: none;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem span.i0 {display: block; margin-left: 0em;} + .poem span.i2 {display: block; margin-left: 2em;} + .poem span.i4 {display: block; margin-left: 4em;} + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Medoline Selwyn's Work, by Mrs. J. J. Colter + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Medoline Selwyn's Work + +Author: Mrs. J. J. Colter + +Release Date: March 26, 2006 [EBook #18052] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEDOLINE SELWYN'S WORK *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by the Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions +(www.canadiana.org)) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + + + + +<h1><span class="smcap">Medoline Selwyn's Work</span>.</h1> + +<h2>BY MRS. J. J. COLTER.</h2> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The golden opportunity.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Is never offered twice: seize, then, the hour<br /></span> +<span class="i0">When Fortune smiles and Duty points the way;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor shrink aside to 'scape the fear.—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nor pause though Pleasure beckon from her bower,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But bravely bear thee onward to the goal"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<h4>BOSTON:<br /> +IRA BRADLEY & CO.<br /> +COPYRIGHT, 1889.</h4> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<!-- Autogenerated TOC. Modify or delete as required. --> + +<h2>INDEX.</h2> + +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_I">CHAPTER I. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Blake</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_II">CHAPTER II. <span class="smcap">Oaklands</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_III">CHAPTER III. <span class="smcap">Esmerelda</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_IV">CHAPTER IV. <span class="smcap">The Funeral</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_V">CHAPTER V. <span class="smcap">A New Accomplishment Learned</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_VI">CHAPTER VI. <span class="smcap">Mr. Winthrop</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_VII">CHAPTER VII. <span class="smcap">Examination</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">CHAPTER VIII. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Larkum</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_IX">CHAPTER IX. <span class="smcap">An Evening Walk</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_X">CHAPTER X. <span class="smcap">A Helping Hand</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XI">CHAPTER XI. <span class="smcap">City Life</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XII">CHAPTER XII. <span class="smcap">New Acquaintances</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">CHAPTER XIII. <span class="smcap">Alone With His Dead</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">CHAPTER XIV. <span class="smcap">Humble Charities</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XV">CHAPTER XV. <span class="smcap">A Pleasant Surprise</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">CHAPTER XVI. <span class="smcap">Hope Realized</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">CHAPTER XVII. <span class="smcap">Christmas-tide</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">CHAPTER XVIII. <span class="smcap">The Christmas Tree</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XIX">CHAPTER XIX. <span class="smcap">Three Important Letters</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XX">CHAPTER XX. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Le Grande</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXI">CHAPTER XXI. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Le Grande's Story</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXII">CHAPTER XXII. <span class="smcap">The Changed Heart</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXIII">CHAPTER XXIII. <span class="smcap">The Encounter at St. Mark's</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXIV">CHAPTER XXIV. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Le Grande's Stratagem</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXV">CHAPTER XXV. <span class="smcap">Beech Street Worshippers</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXVI">CHAPTER XXVI. <span class="smcap">From The Depths</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXVII">CHAPTER XXVII. <span class="smcap">Convalescence</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXVIII">CHAPTER XXVIII. <span class="smcap">The Sound of Marriage Bells</span></a><br /> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XXIX">CHAPTER XXIX. <span class="smcap">The End</span></a><br /> +</p> +<!-- End Autogenerated TOC. --> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="MEDOLINE_SELWYNS_WORK" id="MEDOLINE_SELWYNS_WORK"></a>MEDOLINE SELWYN'S WORK.</h2> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + +<h3>MRS. BLAKE.</h3> + + +<p>The cars were not over-crowded, and were moving leisurely along in the +soft, midsummer twilight. At first, I had felt a trifle annoyed at my +carelessness in missing the Express by which I had been expected; but now +I quite enjoyed going in this mixed train, since I could the better +observe the country than in the swifter Express. As I drew near the end +of my journey, my pulses began to quicken with nervousness, not unmixed +with dread.</p> + +<p>Captain Green, under whose care I had been placed when I left my home for +the last eight years, had concluded, no doubt very wisely, that I could +travel the remaining few miles through quiet county places alone. This +last one hundred and fifty miles, however, had been the most trying part +of the whole journey. My English was a trifle halting; all our teachers +spoke German as their mother tongue at the school, and the last two years +I was the only English-born pupil. Captain Green was an old East Indian +officer, like my own dead father, and very readily undertook the care of +a troublesome chit of a girl across the ocean, in memory of the strong +friendship subsisting between himself and my father, now long since +passed to other service than that of Her Gracious Majesty. The Captain +was a very silent man, and therefore not calculated to help me to a +better acquaintance of any language, while he did not encourage me to +make friends with my traveling companions. The journey had been therefore +a very quiet one to me, but I had found it delightful. I had, like most +of our species, an innate love of the sea; and the long, still hours as I +sat alone gazing out over the restless waters, have left one of the +pleasantest of all the pictures hanging in memory's halls.</p> + +<p>As I did not wish to be taken, even by the chance traveling companions of +a few hours, for other than an English or American girl, I resolved to +speak fewest possible words to any one on the journey; and when the +conductor came for my ticket, I repressed the desire to ask him to tell +me when my own station would be reached, and merely shook my head at the +news agents who were more troublesome, if possible, than the dust and +smoke which poured in at doors and windows. Captain Green had telegraphed +my guardian the hour at which I would arrive, but I got so interested +watching the busy crowds on the streets from my hotel window that, for a +while, I forgot that I too needed a measure of their eager haste, if I +were soon to terminate this long journey over land and sea. I was +beginning to fear, at last, after the cars had been in motion some hours, +that I might have passed my station; so I concluded to have my question +carefully written down, and the next time the conductor came near me hand +it to him. I had not long to wait, and giving him the slip of paper, I +murmured "Please."</p> + +<p>He read, and then looking at me very intently said:</p> + +<p>"Are you a foreigner?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no; English," I said, blushing furiously.</p> + +<p>"Why don't you speak then, when you want anything? That's what we're here +for."</p> + +<p>I bowed my head quite proudly and said, "Will you please, then, answer my +question?"</p> + +<p>"We won't be there for an hour or more. Are you not the young lady Mrs. +Flaxman is expecting?"</p> + +<p>"I am Mr. Winthrop's ward. I do not know any Mrs. Flaxman."</p> + +<p>"Oh, it's all the same. She lives with him; is a cousin, or something +connected with him. He is away now; left a month ago for the Pacific +coast."</p> + +<p>He was sitting now quite comfortably in the next seat.</p> + +<p>"You needn't have any more anxiety about the stopping places," he +continued, very cordially; "I will look after you, and see that you +get safely home, if there's no one there to meet you. Most likely they +expected you by the morning's Express." Then he inquired about my +luggage, examining my checks and keeping up a running stream of +conversation which I seemed compelled to answer. After the rigid +exclusion of my school life, where we were taught to regard all sorts of +men with a measure of wholesome dread, I scarce knew whether to be proud +of my courage in being able to sit there, with such outward calmness, or +ashamed of my boldness. If I could only have consulted one of the +teachers just for a moment it would have been such a relief; but +presently the train stopped, when he left my side, his seat to be +immediately occupied by an elderly woman with a huge covered basket. +After considerable difficulty she got herself and basket bestowed to her +satisfaction just before the cars got in motion. She moved uneasily on +the seat, looking around on all sides a trifle nervously, and then +in an awed whisper said to me, "Don't the cars go all to smash +sometimes?"</p> + +<p>"Not many times," I tried to say reassuringly.</p> + +<p>"I wan't never in 'em afore, and wouldn't be now, only my son Dan'el's +wife's took oncommon bad, and he thinks I can cure her."</p> + +<p>She remained quiet a while, and then somewhat reassured began to grow +curious about her traveling companions.</p> + +<p>"Have you cum fur?" she asked.</p> + +<p>I explained that I had come a good many miles.</p> + +<p>"All alone?"</p> + +<p>"Only from New York."</p> + +<p>"Going fur?"</p> + +<p>"To Cavendish."</p> + +<p>"Did you say Cavendish?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Be you a furriner?"</p> + +<p>"No, I am English;" I felt my color rising as I answered.</p> + +<p>"Well, you speak sort o' queer, but my old man was English, too, a +Norfolk man, and blest if I could understand quarter he said for ever so +long after we got keeping company. I used to say yes to everything I +didn't understand when we was alone, for fear he might be popping the +question; but laws, I knew well enough when he did ask."</p> + +<p>She fell into an apparently pleasant reverie, but soon returned to the +actualities of life.</p> + +<p>"You're not married, surely."</p> + +<p>I answered in the negative with fewest possible words.</p> + +<p>"Got a young man, though, I'll warrant; such a likely girl."</p> + +<p>"I do not understand what you mean," I answered with considerable +dignity, glad to let her know that her own English was not perfect.</p> + +<p>"You must have been riz in a queer place not to know what likely is. Why, +it's good-looking; and anybody knows you're that. But I suppose you +didn't have much eddication, they mostly don't in England; my man didn't +know even his letters; but I have pretty good book larnin' and so we got +on all right," she continued, with a retrospective look on her not +unkindly face.</p> + +<p>"Who might your folks be in Cavendish?" she asked, after a few moments of +welcome silence.</p> + +<p>"I have no relatives there," I answered, I am afraid, rather +ungraciously.</p> + +<p>"Going as governess or nurse girl to some of the aristocracy there? You +don't look as if you ever did much housework, though."</p> + +<p>"I am going to Mr. Winthrop's."</p> + +<p>"Deu tell! Why, I lived with his mother myself, when I was a widder +first."</p> + +<p>Then she relapsed into another eloquent pause of silence, while possibly +in her dim way she was reflecting how history repeats itself. But coming +back to reality again, and scanning me more closely than ever, she asked, +"Are you going there to work?"</p> + +<p>My patience was getting exhausted, and it is possible there was a trace +of petulance in my voice as I said, "No, I am Mr. Winthrop's ward."</p> + +<p>"Deu tell! What is that?"</p> + +<p>"He is my guardian."</p> + +<p>"Why, he is a young man for that. I thought they got elderly men."</p> + +<p>"My father held the same relation to him."</p> + +<p>She was some time taking in the idea, but she said at last, "Oh, I see."</p> + +<p>I took a book from my satchel and began reading; but she did not long +permit me to enjoy it; her next remark, however, riveted my attention.</p> + +<p>"I wonder if your name isn't Selwyn."</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Deary me, then I have seen your pa and ma long ago at Oaklands; that's +the Winthrop's place."</p> + +<p>"Please tell me about them. I never saw them after I was ten years old. I +was sent from India, and then they died."</p> + +<p>I spoke with a slight hesitancy, having first to translate my sentences, +as I still thought, in German.</p> + +<p>"Well, I wan't much acquainted with 'em. Housemaids ain't in general on +friendly terms with the quality, but your ma was so kind to us servants, +I've always remembered her. Mrs. Winthrop sot a sight by her."</p> + +<p>"What was that?" I asked, much mystified.</p> + +<p>"Oh, she liked them better'n most."</p> + +<p>"Do you recollect their appearance?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; your father was a soldier-like, handsome looking man, very tall and +pretty stern. Your ma minded me of a flower, she was so delicate. They +wan't long married then, but my, they was fond of each other! Your father +just worshipped her. I heard Mrs. Winthrop say he had a hard time to get +her. Your ma's folks didn't want her to marry a soldier. She was an only +child, and they lived in England. The Winthrops were English, too, as +well as your father."</p> + +<p>It was my turn now to fall into a reverie at the strangeness of +circumstances, thus causing me to meet this plain, old body, and learning +from her incidents about my own dead parents I might otherwise never have +known; besides she told it in such a realistic way that, in some +mysterious fashion, like mind reading, I seemed to see it all myself +through her clear eyes.</p> + +<p>"Have you many brothers and sisters?"</p> + +<p>"My mother had four children; but the others died in infancy."</p> + +<p>"You look rugged as most young ladies."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean healthy?"</p> + +<p>"Well, yes; you have a clear complexion and rosy cheeks."</p> + +<p>"They were extremely careful of our health at the school where I have +been for the last eight years. That was the reason my father sent me +there. He had heard how remarkably healthy their pupils were."</p> + +<p>"'Twan't in this country, or you'd speak more nateral like."</p> + +<p>"No, it was in Brussels."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes; in England, I suppose."</p> + +<p>"No, on the continent of Europe; a city in Belgium, the capital."</p> + +<p>"And you've talked a furrin tongue, then."</p> + +<p>"Yes, several; but the German is the only one I speak quite correctly."</p> + +<p>"Bless your heart, you'll soon talk fast enough in English. Your voice is +very sweet; it minds me of your ma's. And it 'pears to me you speak +better already."</p> + +<p>I was beaming on the good woman now.</p> + +<p>"Will you remain long in Cavendish?" I ventured on a question or two +myself.</p> + +<p>"It'll depend on Dan'el's wife. He wants me to come and live with 'em, +but I hain't much hankering for darters-in-law, and I reckon we'd be +better friends furder apart. However I'll stay till she gets well; it +costs so for hired girls."</p> + +<p>"May I come and see you?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Bless your dear heart, I'll be proud to have you come."</p> + +<p>"Will you please tell me your name and what street you live on?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, the streets don't amount to much in Cavendish. My name is Betsy +Blake; just inquire for Dan'el Blake on the Mill Road; he works in +Belcher's steam mill. Laws, how quick the time has gone! I thought for +sure I'd be amost scart to death; and I've hardly once thought of getting +smashed since I sot down here first; and now we're just into Cavendish."</p> + +<p>I glanced through the window, and my heart throbbed joyously; for there, +stretching so far away I could see no further shore, lay the beautiful +ocean. No matter now what might be my home in this strange, new country. +With my passion for the sea, and it so near, I could not be utterly +desolate. To sit on these cliffs, reddening now in the sunset and watch +the outgoing tide, sending imaginary messages on the departing waves to +far-off shores, would surely, to some extent, deaden the sense of utter +isolation from the world of childhood and youth. Mrs. Blake shook my hand +warmly, repeating again the invitation to visit her at Daniel's, while +she gathered up her huge basket and started for the door with the cars +still in motion. I sat watching from the window the groups of people +waiting for the incoming train as we stopped at the station. A few +carriages were there, but none of them had come for Mrs. Blake. A strong +limbed man, with a dejected face, relieved her of the basket and then +hurried away, she rapidly following. I felt sorry for them, and was +speculating what news Daniel had brought of his sick wife, quite +forgetting for the time that I too had need to be astir. The conductor, +however, soon reminded me of the fact as he announced briskly that a +carriage was in waiting for me.</p> + +<p>"They will send down bye-and-bye for your luggage; it's only a one-seated +affair outside."</p> + +<p>I followed him to the carriage; a bright faced young fellow was holding a +spirited horse; from his bearing I instantly set him down as something +more than a servant.</p> + +<p>"Here, Flaxman, is your charge," the conductor remarked, as he assisted +me into the carriage.</p> + +<p>"Miss Selwyn, I presume," the young man said, politely, as he +disentangled one hand from the reins to grasp mine. The horse started off +on a biasing canter, much to my amusement.</p> + +<p>"You are not afraid, I hope," my companion said, a trifle anxiously.</p> + +<p>"Not afraid, but amused; your horse goes so oddly; but I am not +accustomed to their ways." I added, fearing my remark might give offence.</p> + +<p>"Faery and I are very good friends, and understand each other thoroughly; +but strangers usually get alarmed."</p> + +<p>My knowledge of quadrupeds was so limited I thought it safest to remain +silent.</p> + +<p>Presently we passed the Blakes, I longed to relieve Daniel of his heavy +basket; for even he seemed to stagger beneath its weight.</p> + +<p>"I was speaking with that woman on the train. She comes to attend her +son's wife, who is sick."</p> + +<p>"Oh, the Blakes, then. She won't have much to do, Dan's wife died to-day; +poor beggar, he looks heartbroken."</p> + +<p>"Your wife may be dead some day; then you will know how dreadfully he +feels," I said, hotly. The flippant tone in face of such sorrow +distressed me. He gave me a merry look as he said: "There are always +plenty left to replace the lost ones. A wife is far easier got than a +horse; one like Faery, for instance."</p> + +<p>I shut my mouth firmly and turned my head away to watch the white sails +idly mirrored, in the still waters, I knew he was furtively watching me, +and this alone held back my tears, as I thought of poor Blake's desolate +hearthstone, as well as my own heart's loneliness in this wide continent +of strangers.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop regretted being away when you arrived, but he expected us +to be kind to you; so we must not quarrel first thing." My companion +said, with entire change of tone.</p> + +<p>"I quarrel pretty easily," I stammered, "my temper is very abrupt."</p> + +<p>"Most of us have quick tempers; but, I think, you, at least, have a +generous one."</p> + +<p>Then I recollected abrupt was not a very suitable word to couple with +temper. Taken altogether, I found this drive home with Faery and her +master anything but enjoyable.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + +<h3>OAKLANDS.</h3> + + +<p>Faery's head was turned at last from the wide, dusty street into an +imposing gateway, which lead through an avenue bordered thickly with +evergreens mostly pine and hemlock. "These trees look a trifle hot in +summer; but they are a capital protection in a winter's storm, I assure +you," my companion said with an apologetic air.</p> + +<p>I could think of no suitable reply; so merely said, "yes."</p> + +<p>"It's a tradition among their acquaintances that the Winthrops believe in +getting the very best possible good out of everything."</p> + +<p>"Have they succeeded?"</p> + +<p>"Better than the generality of folks; but they have come pretty near +extinction, at least on this side the water. Mr. Winthrop is the last of +his race."</p> + +<p>"Has he no children?"</p> + +<p>"He is a bachelor."</p> + +<p>"But he may have children and a wife some day."</p> + +<p>"You will probably be his heir, if he does not marry, I believe he is +your heir by your father's will, in case you die without heirs."</p> + +<p>I laughed merrily. "He will outlive me probably. What good would his +money do me if I were old, or maybe dead?"</p> + +<p>"Your children might enjoy it."</p> + +<p>I wondered was it customary in this country to speculate on such remote +possibilities, but said nothing. We soon reached the house, which stood +on ground elevated to command a magnificent view of the sea, the distant +headlands, and a wide stretch of hill and dale. The house itself reminded +me more of old world buildings than any I had yet seen in America; and, +on the spot, I took a fancy to it, and felt that here I could easily +cultivate the home feeling, without which I should still be a wanderer on +the earth. Mrs. Flaxman was standing to receive me as I ascended the +granite steps that led to the main entrance. The great stone house had +wings at either end while deep breaks in the heavy masonry of the walls +occurred at regular intervals, and heavy pillars of granite made a +massive background for this fair, slight woman as I looked at her.</p> + +<p>"I will commit Miss Selwyn to your care, mother, while I take a little +longer drive with Faery," my companion said, graciously.</p> + +<p>"I will accept your trust with a great deal of pleasure, Hubert," she +said, receiving me with a cordiality that warmed my heart. "You are very +welcome home. At least, I hope you will feel at home here."</p> + +<p>"I have no other, now that I have left school," I said, gravely.</p> + +<p>"Young ladies do not often waste much sentiment on their boarding-school +home, so I think we shall succeed in making you content here with us at +Oaklands."</p> + +<p>"I have always been accustomed to find my own sources of content. We were +left at school to amuse ourselves or not, as we willed."</p> + +<p>"But I hope we shall not be so indifferent to your pleasure. Mr. Winthrop +is not much of a society man, but we still see a good many visitors."</p> + +<p>The main entrance of the house was finer than anything I had remembered +to have seen, and at first I felt quite oppressed by the grandeur of my +surroundings; but when Mrs. Flaxman had conducted me to my own room, its +dainty furnishings and appointments made it appear to me, after the plain +accommodations of the school, a perfect bower for any maiden. I went to +one of the deep windows and looked out over the splendid stretch of land +and sea scape spread before me. Drawing a long sigh of perfect content, I +exclaimed: "I know I shall be happy here. How could I help it, with such +pictures to look at?"</p> + +<p>"If you admire the scenery so much at first, what will your sensations be +when you have grown intimate with its beauty? Nature enters into our +humanity like human acquaintances."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?" I asked, much mystified.</p> + +<p>"There are some places like some people—the more we study them the more +they are admired, we are continually discovering hidden beauties. But you +must study nature closely, at all hours and seasons, to discover her +subtle charms."</p> + +<p>"Won't you teach me what you have learned?"</p> + +<p>"If I can do so I shall be glad; but I think we must each study her for +ourselves. She has no text books that I have ever seen."</p> + +<p>"I wonder do we all see things alike? Does that sea, now a sheet of rose +and amethyst, and the sky that seems another part of the same, and the +green trees, and hills, and rocks, look to you as they do to me?"</p> + +<p>"Not yet, my child. When you have studied them as long, and have the +memories of years clustering around each well-remembered spot, they may +look the same to you as they now do to me; but not till then," she added, +I fancied a little sadly.</p> + +<p>"Probably I shall enjoy this exquisite view better without the memories; +they usually hold a sting."</p> + +<p>"That depends on the way we use life. To live as God wills, leaves no +sting for after thought."</p> + +<p>"Not if death comes and takes our loved ones? How alone I am in the world +because of him."</p> + +<p>"There are far sadder experiences than yours. Death is not always our +worst enemy; we may have a death in life, compared with which Death +itself is an angel of light."</p> + +<p>"Oh, what a strange, sad thing life is at the best! Is it worth being +born and suffering so much for all the joy we find?"</p> + +<p>"No, indeed, if this life were all; but it is only the faint dawn of a +brighter, grander existence, more worthy the gift of a God."</p> + +<p>"But we must die to get to that fuller, higher life;" I said, suddenly +remembering poor Blake's dead wife.</p> + +<p>She smiled compassionately.</p> + +<p>"It is hard convincing you young people that even death may be a tender +friend, a welcome messenger. But we won't talk in this strain any longer, +I scarce know why we drifted into it. I want your first impressions of +home to be joyous, for they are apt to haunt us long after we make the +discovery that they were not correct."</p> + +<p>"I wonder if you are not something of a philosopher? I never heard any +one talk just like you."</p> + +<p>"Certainly not anything so formidable, and learned as that. I am only a +plain little woman, with no special mission except to make those around +me happy."</p> + +<p>"That is a very beautiful mission, and I am sure you meet with success, +which is not the fate of every one with a career."</p> + +<p>"Ah, if you begin praising me I must leave; but first let me tell you +dinner will be served at six. Mr. Winthrop is a great student, and is +already, for so young a man, a very successful author; and he likes +dinner late so as to have all the longer time for hard work. The evenings +he takes for light reading and rest."</p> + +<p>I must confess I was beginning to get afraid of my guardian. I expected +to find him in manners and appearance something like our school +professors, with a tendency to criticise my slender literary +acquirements.</p> + +<p>However I proceeded with my toilet quite cheerfully, and was rather glad +than sorry that I had found him absent from Oaklands; but after I left my +room and wandered out into the dim, spacious hall and down the long +stairway, the heavy, old-fashioned splendors of the house chilled me. How +could I occupy myself happily through the coming years in this great, +gloomy house? I vaguely wondered, while life stretched out before my +imagination, in long and tiresome perspective.</p> + +<p>With no school duties to occupy my time, my knowledge of amusements, +needlework, or any other of the softer feminine accomplishments, +exceedingly limited, I was suddenly confronted with the problem how I was +to fill up the days and years with any degree of satisfaction. Hitherto +every thought had been strained eagerly towards this home coming. After +that fancy was a blank. Now I had got here, what then? I had been a +fairly industrious pupil and graduated with commendable success; but it +had been a tradition at our school that once away from its confinement, +text-books and the weariness of study were at an end. I went out on the +lawn, and was standing, a trifle homesick for the companionship of the +merry crowd of schoolmates, when a side glance revealed to me an immense +garden, such as I had often seen, but not near enough to sufficiently +enjoy. I soon forgot my lonely fancies as I strayed admiringly through +the well kept walks, amid beds of old-fashioned sweet smelling flowers, +which now-a-days are for the most part relegated to the humble cottages; +but farther on I discovered the rarer plants of many climes, some of them +old acquaintances, but others utter strangers, only so far as I could +remember some of them from my lessons in botany. Still stretching beyond +on the hill side I saw the vegetable and fruit gardens. Huge strawberry +beds attracted me, the ripe fruit I found tempting; but feeling still a +stranger, the old weakness that comes down to us from Mother Eve to reach +forth and pluck, was restrained. "What a perfect Eden it is!" I could not +help exclaiming, though no ears save the birds, and multitudinous insects +existences, were within reach of my voice, and probably for the latter, +any sound I could make would be as unheard by them as the music of the +spheres must be to me until another body, with finer intuitions to catch +such harmonies, shall be provided. Ere the dinner bell rang I found a new +wonderland of beauty reaching away beyond me. To watch from early spring +till winter's icy breath destroyed them, these multiplied varieties of +vegetable life gradually passing through all their beautiful changes of +bud and blossom, and ripened seed or fruit would be a training in some +respects, equalling that of the schools. What higher lessons in botany I +might take, day by day exploring the secrets of plant life! I went back +to the house in a happier mood than I had left it. At the dinner table I +expressed, no doubt with amusing enthusiasm, my gladness at this garden +of delight.</p> + +<p>"You should become a practical botanist, Miss Selwyn. But then your heart +might prove too tender to tear your pets to pieces in order to find out +their secrets."</p> + +<p>"I did not know my heart was specially tender."</p> + +<p>"I only judged so from your sympathy for the Blakes. Only think, mother, +Miss Selwyn was prophesying the time when I should be mourning over a +departed wife."</p> + +<p>"You must not mind Hubert, Miss Selwyn. He is a sad tease, as we all find +to our sorrow. He has not had brothers or sisters since his childhood to +teach him gentleness."</p> + +<p>"Only children are apt to be not very agreeable companions. We had some +unpleasant specimens at school."</p> + +<p>"That is too hard on both of us, Miss Selwyn," he said; "but I must prove +to you that I, at least, am a beautiful exception to the general rule."</p> + +<p>For the first time I looked up at him closely, and was struck with the +handsome merry face.</p> + +<p>"With a very little effort you could make yourself very agreeable, I am +sure," I said, with all seriousness.</p> + +<p>Even Mrs. Flaxman could not conceal her amusement at my remark.</p> + +<p>"It is so refreshing to meet with such a frank young lady," Hubert said, +with downcast eyes. I had a suspicion he was laughing at me. Presently he +glanced at me, when I found the fun in his eyes contagious, and, though +at my own expense, indulged in a hearty laugh.</p> + +<p>"I wish you would tell me when I make myself ridiculous. I do not +understand boys' natures. I scarce remember to have spoken a dozen +consecutive sentences to one in my life. All our Professors were more or +less gray, and they every one wore spectacles."</p> + +<p>"They must been an interesting lot," Hubert said, with a lack of his +usual animation. When I was longer with him I discovered that the open +space in his armor was to be regarded a boy.</p> + +<p>"But, no doubt they were all young and mischievous once. The soberest +horse in Belgium frisked around its mother in its colthood, no doubt."</p> + +<p>"You will see plenty of poor horses in America," Mrs. Flaxman said. +"Faery is by no means a typical horse."</p> + +<p>"Faery's master loves her. That makes a world of difference with the +ownership of other things than horses."</p> + +<p>"Really, Miss Selwyn, you can moralize on every subject, I believe, with +equal ease."</p> + +<p>"He is making fun of me again, I presume," I said, turning to Mrs. +Flaxman. "When I talk a longer time with you English-speaking people, I +shall not be so open to ridicule. Some day, Mr. Hubert, I may meet you in +Germany, and then I shall be able to retaliate."</p> + +<p>"Before that time comes you will be generous enough to return good for +evil."</p> + +<p>"And when shall you get your punishment then?"</p> + +<p>"Maybe never. I find a good many evil-doers get off scot free in this +world."</p> + +<p>"But there are other worlds than this, my son," his mother said, with +such sweet seriousness that our badinage ceased for that evening.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + +<h3>ESMERELDA.</h3> + + +<p>The next morning I was early astir. I was eager to explore the grounds +around Oaklands, as well as the beaches and caves where the waves +penetrated far under the rocks at high tide. The grounds I found very +extensive—in places almost like some of the old English parks which I +had seen on my visits there to distant relatives during the holidays. It +was pleasant to think while wandering under the trees, and over the +splendid wastes of flowers, and ornamental shrubs, and trees, that in +this wide, vast America no one need be defrauded of his portion of mother +earth by this immense flower garden; since there was more than sufficient +land for every anxious toiler. To me there was an exceeding luxury in +this reflection; for often on those lovely Kentish estates where I had +visited, my heart had been grieved by the extremes of wealth and squalor. +Pinched-faced women and children gazing hungrily through park gates at +the flowers, and fountains, and all the beauty within, while they had no +homes worthy the name, and alas! no flowers or fountains to gladden their +beauty hungered hearts. My friends used to smile at my saddened face as +I looked in these other human faces with a pitying sense of sisterhood, +that was strange to them; but they humored my desire to try and gladden +these lives so limited in their happy allotments, by gifts of rare +flowers and choice fruits. But I used to find the old-fashioned flowers, +that the gardeners grumbled least over my plucking, were the most +welcome.</p> + +<p>At luncheon I came in, my hair sea-blown from my visit to the rocks, +and my face finely burnt by the combined influence of wind and sun. I +expressed to Mrs. Flaxman a desire to visit my new acquaintance on the +Mill Road. I noticed a peculiar uplifting of the eyebrows as I glanced +towards Hubert.</p> + +<p>"It will be something entirely new in Mill Road experience to have a +friendly call from one of our Cavendish <i>élite</i>."</p> + +<p>"Why, Hubert," his mother remonstrated, "it is not an unusual thing for +our friends to visit the poor and sick on the Mill Road, as well as in +the other humbler districts."</p> + +<p>"Doubtless, but in much the same fashion as Queen Elizabeth used to visit +her subjects—mere royal progresses, more bother than blessing. Miss +Selwyn, I fancy, will go there in a friendly sort of way, that even Dan +will appreciate."</p> + +<p>"Oh, thank you, Hubert; but possibly, if I quite comprehended your +meaning, I should be more provoked than complimented."</p> + +<p>"Well, if I was one of the poor ones I would like your visits best. +I would be willing to dispense with the dignity for sake of the +friendliness that would recognize that I too had a common brotherhood +with the highest as well as the lowest."</p> + +<p>"Ah, I comprehend your meaning now, and I won't get angry with you. I +think I must be a changeling, in spirit probably; there could be no +mistake, I presume, in my physical identity, but my heart always claims +kindred most with the lean, hungry faces."</p> + +<p>"You could soon make my eyes watery, I do believe," Hubert said, with a +gentleness that surprised me.</p> + +<p>I saw Mrs. Flaxman quietly drying her eyes and wondered why my few, +simple words should touch their tear fountain.</p> + +<p>Towards evening I started on my walk to the Mill Road. The gardener had +very graciously allowed me to gather some flowers to take with me. These +I had arranged with some wet mosses I found in the woods that morning; +and begging a nice little basket from the housekeeper, had them very +daintily arranged. When I came downstairs equipped for my walk, I found +a very stylish young lady standing in the hall beside Mrs. Flaxman.</p> + +<p>"Esmerelda will show you the way. I scarcely feel equal for such a walk +this hot day, and I know you will kindly excuse me."</p> + +<p>"Oh certainly; it would trouble me to have you walk any distance when you +look so frail."</p> + +<p>"I am not frail, dear; but I have got into an idle habit of taking my +outings in the carriage; and so walking soon tires me."</p> + +<p>I turned towards the young lady, who in a very graceful, dignified way +seemed to be awaiting my pleasure. I could not believe she was a servant, +and felt quite shabby when I compared my own costume with hers.</p> + +<p>When we were walking down the avenue I ventured a remark or two on the +beauty of the place; but she answered me with such proud reserve I +suddenly relapsed into silence which remained unbroken until we reached +Mrs. Blake's door. While I stood knocking at the front door Esmerelda +slipped around to the back of the cottage where a rough, board porch +served as entrance for every day occasions. Mrs. Blake met me with +genuine cordiality, and then led me into a close smelling room. The floor +was covered with a cheap carpet, a few common chairs, a very much worn +horse-hair sofa, and a table covered with a very new, and very +gay-looking cloth, comprised the furnishing, with the exception of walls +decorated with cheap chromos in the most wonderful frames I ever +saw,—some of them made of shells, some of leather, some of moss, and +others simply covered, with bright pieces of chintz. I longed to arrange +them in more orderly fashion. They were hanging crooked or too close +together, not one of them in a proper way I decided, as I took a swift +survey of the room. But presently my gaze was arrested, and all thought +of pictures hung awry ceased; for there, in a darkened corner of the +room, I traced the rigid outlines of a human figure concealed beneath a +sheet.</p> + +<p>"You brought these to put round the corpse?" Mrs. Blake questioned, +suddenly bringing me back from my startled reverie.</p> + +<p>"Yes, if you would care for them."</p> + +<p>She lifted them out of the basket with a tenderness that surprised me, +and placed them in water; she sat looking at them intently.</p> + +<p>"Do you admire flowers?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes; but they're useless things, I s'pose. No good once they're +wilted."</p> + +<p>"But they are perfect while they last."</p> + +<p>"Yes, and I allus feels sorry for the poor things, when I see 'em put +round a corpse and buried in the ground; may be they have more feeling +than we allow for."</p> + +<p>She spoke so sadly, I felt my eyes moisten; but whether it was out of +pity for the flowers, the poor dead woman lying opposite, or my friend +Mrs. Blake, who seemed strangely subdued, I could not tell.</p> + +<p>"She was gone when I got here," she said, nodding her head at the corpse. +"Dan'el's terrible cut up; it minds me so of the time we lost our first +baby. I had to do everything then and I've got to do the same now."</p> + +<p>"I presume she was a very good wife."</p> + +<p>"I don't know. Men generally frets hardest after the uselessest ones. I +s'pose it's because they're easy-going and good-natured; but laws, I +mustn't be hard. Mother-in-laws don't see with their children's eyes. I +often think, in some ways, 'twould be best for one generation to die off +afore the next takes their place. It's a mercy we don't live like they +did in the first of Bible times. For poor women folk's life ain't much +after fifty any way, specially if they're depending on their children. +Hard work, shoved in a corner, and the bite you eat begrudged you."</p> + +<p>"Surely you don't speak from experience," I gasped, quite horrified.</p> + +<p>"Me? Oh, no. I've managed better'n most in my way of life. I help, +instead of getting help. But I'm not thinking of myself all the time. +I see other women's hardships, and pity 'em too."</p> + +<p>She turned the conversation abruptly by asking:</p> + +<p>"Would you like to see the corpse?"</p> + +<p>I certainly wished to see almost anything on earth rather than that; but, +lest I should be offending the proprieties, I followed her and stood +beside the still, outstretched form. She turned down the sheet when, for +an instant, my head swam; and then I shut firmly my eyes and stood until +I concluded the ghastly spectacle was hidden behind the sheet. Mrs. +Blake's voice caused me to open my eyes with a start.</p> + +<p>"Be you faint?"</p> + +<p>I crossed the room directly, and sat down before I replied.</p> + +<p>"Certainly not; but the sight was a painful one."</p> + +<p>"I know there's a sight of difference in corpses. Perfessors of religion +make the peacefullest."</p> + +<p>"Was she not one?"</p> + +<p>"Well, no; and she was took so bad she hadn't time to perfess. Beside +Dan'el tells me she suffered uncommon till the very last breath, that +makes her look more distressin' than she would."</p> + +<p>"Is he a professor?"</p> + +<p>"No, my family didn't seem to lean that way. But my! they was a sight +better'n some that did let on they was very good."</p> + +<p>"He will become a Christian now, surely."</p> + +<p>"Tain't likely. One soon forgets the feelins death leaves, and then we +all look for a quiet spell afore we die." I felt as if skeleton fingers +were clutching at my vitals; and altogether terrified I rose to go.</p> + +<p>"The funeral will be to-morrow at two o'clock; perhaps you wouldn't mind +coming?"</p> + +<p>"If you would like me to attend, I will do so."</p> + +<p>"I don't know why it is, but seems to me it would be a comfort to have +you. Quality always could touch my heart better'n my own kind."</p> + +<p>"You may be reckoned among that class in the next world."</p> + +<p>She stood in the doorway, her eyes turned wistfully towards the setting +sun. "I hain't thought much about that world. I know it's a mistake to +live as I've done."</p> + +<p>I wished so much I could recommend her to a better way of life; but +remembering that I too was living only for this world, I could say +nothing.</p> + +<p>Pressing her hand gently I turned to leave, when I saw Esmerelda coming +out of the door after me.</p> + +<p>The rigid form I had looked at and Mrs. Blake's words had softened my +heart; so I tried once more to chat pleasantly with my escort; but +probably she had not got the same lesson as I, for she put on as many +airs as before. When I met Mrs. Flaxman I inquired what Esmerelda's +position was in the household. To my astonishment she said:</p> + +<p>"She is the chambermaid."</p> + +<p>"But is she a lady?"</p> + +<p>"Every one that can dress becomingly claims that title with us; I presume +Esmerelda with the rest."</p> + +<p>"But her mother?" I left the sentence unfinished.</p> + +<p>"Lives on Mill Road and takes in washing."</p> + +<p>"Don't you think it is wiser to keep servants in their proper place as +they do in Europe? One is not in danger there of mistaking maid for +mistress."</p> + +<p>"Ah, that is a problem for wiser heads than ours to solve. Each system +has its grievances; if human nature had not suffered so severely from +the original transgression I should favor the American plan."</p> + +<p>"But it has fallen, and requires generations of training to fit one for +such assumption of dignity."</p> + +<p>"Even so, we come on debatable ground. Where do you find longer lines of +trained generations than in those Royal families that cost you so much +to support, and what do many of them amount to? How many of them would it +take to make one Lincoln? He was a peasant's son, as they reckon rank."</p> + +<p>"But there are not many Lincolns; and I fear we can find a good many +Esmereldas."</p> + +<p>"She is a very good chambermaid. What fault do you find with her?"</p> + +<p>I smiled, though utterly discomfited.</p> + +<p>"A fault one cannot easily forgive. She impresses me with her own +superiority, especially in the matter of dress."</p> + +<p>"Yes, our shop and servant girls are usually good artists in the matter +of personal attire; but I usually find the really clever ones are the +poorest dressers."</p> + +<p>"Is not that the case with others than they? Persons who have more +enduring objects of contemplation than personal attire do not bestow +enough time on how they shall robe themselves to excel in dressing +artistically."</p> + +<p>"I know that; but since Eve's fig-leaf invention the matter of dress has +been an absorbing one for nearly every generation."</p> + +<p>"In the main; but there have been beautiful exceptions all down the long +stream of the ages. I met some literary women the last time I was +visiting in England, and their minds seemed so far superior to their +bodies, or the clothes they wore, that ever since I have been ashamed of +myself when I get particularly interested in what I am to wear."</p> + +<p>"You are young, my child, to begin to philosophize on the matter of +clothes. You have read Sartor Resartus?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, and I want to be something better than a mere biped without +feathers."</p> + +<p>"To want is the first step toward the accomplishment. I think you will +suit Mr. Winthrop after he gets to know you, if ever he does," she added, +after a pause.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + +<h3>THE FUNERAL.</h3> + + +<p>The next morning I went in search of Mrs. Flaxman. I found her busy +superintending, along with the housekeeper, some extensive pickling and +preserving operations. I hesitated at first in making my request; I +wanted her to accompany me to the funeral.</p> + +<p>"I promised Mrs. Blake to go to her daughter's funeral to-day, and I +should so much like to have you go with me," I said.</p> + +<p>"If you would like my company, your liking shall be gratified, my dear."</p> + +<p>"But you looked tired, and it is such a hot day."</p> + +<p>"I shall want folk to come and get me safely planted away some day, and +we can take the carriage. Thomas will be glad to go; at least he always +wants to attend funerals. Such persons usually are fond of the mild +excitement attendant on such gatherings."</p> + +<p>I went in search of Thomas, who was with coachman and gardener, having a +lad to assist him in both occupations. He assured me that work was very +pressing, and it would be at considerable personal sacrifice if he went. +The stable boy, a red-haired, keen-faced youth standing by, gave a +quizzical look, which I interpreted as meaning that Thomas wished to +conceal the fact that he was very glad indeed to go to Mrs. Daniel +Blake's funeral. At the appointed hour I found myself in a carriage drawn +by a pair of horses fully as handsome, but much more sedate than Faery. +"Why, this is positively luxurious," I exclaimed, leaning back in the +very comfortable carriage. Mrs. Flaxman smiled serenely.</p> + +<p>"My dear, it is a luxury you may every day enjoy. I am not inclined for +carriage exercise—a walk has greater charm for me save when I am tired."</p> + +<p>"If you had walked all your life—only enjoying a carriage at brief +intervals during the holidays, you would enjoy this drive, I am sure."</p> + +<p>"Your life is not a very long affair, my child. At your age, no doubt, I +thought as you now do. I believe God intended that youth and age should +see this world through different eyes."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman, I was finding, had a way of setting me thinking about +serious things, and yet the thoughts were mainly pleasant ones. She was +different from any one I ever knew. I found her presence so restful. I +had the impression that some time in her life she had encountered storms, +but the mastery had been gained; and now she had drifted into a peaceful +harbor. Looking back now over longer stretches of years and experiences +than I then had, I can recall a few other persons who impressed me in a +similar fashion. But they were rare and beautiful exceptions to the +scores, and even hundreds of average human folk whom I have known.</p> + +<p>After we had driven some distance, Thomas turned to inquire if we were +going to the grave.</p> + +<p>"It is a shady drive good part of the way; trees on one side and the +water's edge bordering the other. Perhaps we might as well go."</p> + +<p>"They'd take it very kind of you, ma'am, I am sure," Thomas responded, +although her remarks were addressed to me. Evidently he was very +willing to exercise the horses, notwithstanding his press of work.</p> + +<p>We sat in the carriage at the door of Daniel's cottage. The house seemed +full, and quite a crowd were standing outside.</p> + +<p>"They have shown the poor thing a good deal of respect," Mrs. Flaxman +whispered to me as she glanced at the numerous assemblage.</p> + +<p>Suddenly, on the hush that seemed to enfold everything, there broke +weird, discordant singing—women's voices sounding high and piercing, the +men's deeper and more melodious. The hymn they sang was long, and the air +very plaintive, bringing tears to my eyes, and causing the strange, +oppressed feeling of the preceding day to return. When the singing ceased +I noticed the men removing their hats, and a moment after a stentorian +voice speaking loudly. I glanced around amazed, but Mrs. Flaxman noticing +my surprise, whispered, "It is prayer."</p> + +<p>If the singing made me nervous the prayer intensified the feeling. In the +hot, midsummer air, so still the leaves scarce rippled on the trees, I +could, after a few seconds, distinguish every word the man uttered. +Accustomed to the decorous prayer of the German pastors our teachers +had taken us to hear, this impetuous prayer to the Deity awed me. He +talked with the invisible Jehovah as if they two were long tried friends, +between whom there was such perfect trust; whatever the man asked the God +would bestow. First there was intercession, pleading for forgiveness for +past offences, and for restraining grace for future needs. Afterward he +spoke of Death, the common inheritance of each of us, and the pain his +entrance had caused in this home, and then followed thanksgiving that +through Christ we could conquer even Death himself. I shall never forget +the triumphant ring in that man's voice as he passed on to the joy of +those who, trampling on Death, have passed safely within the light of +God.</p> + +<p>"If one of the old masters had heard that man's prayer to-day, he would +have set it to some grand music. It reminds me of a <i>Te Deum</i> or +oratoria," I said to Mrs. Flaxman, when the benediction was pronounced. +The tears were in her eyes, but her face was shining as if some inner +light were irradiating it.</p> + +<p>"Did you ever hear so impetuous a prayer?" I asked.</p> + +<p>She answered my question by asking another:</p> + +<p>"Did you not like it?"</p> + +<p>"I think it frightened me. The clergyman seemed to be talking to some one +right beside him."</p> + +<p>"Is not all prayer that—talking, pleading with a God nigh at hand?"</p> + +<p>I did not reply. My eyes were fastened on the crowd now issuing from the +cottage door; the coffin, carried by men, came first, the people pressing +hurriedly after—among them one whom I instinctively felt to be the +clergyman—a thick-set man with hair turning white, and a most noble, +benignant face. As the procession formed he took his place at the head; +Daniel and his mother climbing into a wagon directly behind the hearse; +the former looked utterly broken down, as if the light of his eyes had +verily been quenched.</p> + +<p>The procession then moved slowly along, and in a short time we turned out +of the Mill Road, and into a beautiful shady street along the water's +edge. I watched the sunlight on the shimmering waters, and far across, +where one of the wooded headlands looked down into the sea, the green +trees made such a picture on the water that, in watching this perfect bit +of landscape, I found myself forgetting the solemn occasion, and the +sorrowing heart of the solitary mourner, while I planned to come there +the very next day with my sketch book, and secure this gem to send to my +favorite teacher as a specimen of my new surroundings. And then fancy got +painting her own pictures as to what my work in this new life with its +greatly altered meaning should be, and before we had reached the grave's +edge I had mapped out my ongoings for a long stretch of the future, and +that in such eager, worldly fashion that I almost forgot that at the end +of all this bright-hued future there lay for me, as well as for Daniel +Blake's wife, an open grave. My busy thoughts were recalled by hearing +the penetrating voice of the preacher saying "dust to dust, ashes to +ashes," with the remainder of the beautiful formula used by many of the +churches in planting the human germ. A glance around revealed Daniel +Blake leaning in the very abandonment of grief on a tombstone at the +grave's side, and looking down into the coffin that was rapidly +disappearing under the shovelfuls of clay. A keen sense of my own +heartlessness in feeling so happy within touch of such woe came over me, +while a vague wonder seized me, if some other careless-hearted creatures +might not be planning their joys some day in presence of my breaking +heart.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + +<h3>A NEW ACCOMPLISHMENT LEARNED.</h3> + + +<p>I was rapidly attaining the comfortable home feeling at Oaklands, which +makes life in castle or hut a rapture. There were so many sources of +enjoyment open to me. I had a more than usual love for painting, and +had for years prosecuted the art more from love than duty. My last +teacher, an old German Professor, exacting and very thorough, had been as +particular with my instruction as if my bread depended on my proficiency. +I thanked him now in my heart when I found myself shut out from other +opportunities for improvement than what, unaided, I could secure. There +were special bits of landscape I loved to sketch over and over again; +these I would take to Mrs. Flaxman, or Reynolds, the housekeeper, to see +if they could recognize the original of my drawing; but even Samuel, the +stable-boy, could name the spot at sight. His joy was unbounded, but +scarcely excelled my own when I succeeded in making a water-color sketch +of himself, the hair a shade or two less flame-colored than was natural, +and which even Hubert pronounced a very fair likeness. Then in the large, +stately drawing-room, some of whose furnishing dated back a century or +more, stood a fine, grand piano. Here I studied over again my school +lessons, or tried new ventures from some of the masters. What dreams I +had in that dim room in the pauses of my music; peopling that place again +with the vanished ones who had loved and suffered there my own dead +parents among the rest, whose faces looked down at me, I thought +tenderly, from the walls where their portraits hung in heavy carved +frames, of a fashion a generation old. There was about my mother's face a +haunting expression, as of a well known face which long afterward looked +out at me one day from my own reflection in the mirror and then, to my +joy, I discovered I was like her in feature and expression. In the +library too, whose key Mr. Winthrop had left with Mrs. Flaxman for my +use, I found an unexplored wonderland. My literature had chiefly +consisted of the text book variety, and if I had possessed wider range, +my time was so fully occupied with lessons I could not have availed +myself of the privilege; but now, with what relish I went from shelf to +shelf, dipping into a book here and another there, taking by turns +poetry, history, fiction, and biography, Shakespeare and Milton had so +often perplexed me in Grammar and analysis, that I left them for the most +part severely alone; but there were others, fresh and new to me as a June +morning, and quite as refreshing: Hubert used sometimes to join me, but +we generally disagreed. I had little patience with his practical +criticisms of my choicest readings, while he assured me my enthusiasm +over my favorite authors was a clear waste of sentiment. Mrs. Flaxman +was, in addition to all this, adding to my fund of knowledge the very +useful one of needlework, and was getting me interested not only in the +mysteries of plain sewing, but brought some of her carefully hoarded +tapestries for me to imitate—beautiful Scriptural scenes that sent me to +the Bible with a critical interest to see if the designs were in harmony +with its spirit. Then too I used to spend happy hours exploring garden, +field and forest, for Oaklands embraced a wide area, making acquaintance +with the gentle Alderneys, and Jerseys, who brought us so generously +their daily offering, as well as the many other meek, dumb creatures whom +I was getting to care for with a quite human interest. The seashore too +had its constantly renewed fascinations which drew me there, to watch its +tireless ebb and flow, or the busy craft disappearing out of sight +towards their many havens around the earth. Stories I had for the +seashore, and others for the woodland and gardens which I carried on in +long chapters, day after day, until sorrowfully I came to the end, as we +must always do to everything in this world.</p> + +<p>My heroes and heroines were all singularly busy people, carrying on their +loves and intrigues amid restless activities, and living in the main to +help others in the way of life rather than, like myself, living to +themselves alone. Altogether I did not find a moment of my sixteen hours +of working life each day any too long, and opened my eyes on each +morning's light as if it were a fresh creation.</p> + +<p>Then, in addition to all these, there were solemn, stately tea drinkings +among the upper ten of Cavendish society, but usually I found them a +task—the music was poor, the conversation almost wholly confined to +local affairs, and the only refection of a first-class nature was the +food provided. Cavendish ladies were notable housewives, and could +converse eloquently on pickling, preserving, baking and the many details +of domestic economy, while as regarded the fashions, I verily believe +they could have enlightened Worth himself on some important particulars. +I used to feel sadly out of place, and sat very often silent and +constrained, thinking of my dearer, and more satisfying companionships of +books, and sea, and flowers, and the fair face of nature generally, and +wondering if I could ever get, like them, absorbed in such humble things, +getting for instance my pickles nicely greened, and of a proper degree of +crispness, and my preserves, and jellies prepared with equal perfection +for diseased and fastidious palates. "Why can't they talk of their minds, +and the food these must relish, and assimilate, instead of all the time +being devoted to the body; how it must be fed and clothed?" I asked, with +perhaps too evident contempt, of Mrs. Flaxman, one evening as we drove +home under the midnight stars, after one of these entertainments.</p> + +<p>"My child, it is natural that people should talk on subjects that most +interest them. Not every one has vision clear enough to penetrate beyond +the tangible and visible."</p> + +<p>"Then, in what are the Cavendish aristocracy better than Mrs. Blake, and +that class? Even she talks sometimes to me about God and the soul. She +says she and Daniel think a great deal about these of late."</p> + +<p>"God only knows; they may be far better in His sight than any of us," +Mrs. Flaxman said, wearily.</p> + +<p>"Not any better than you, dear friend," I said, clasping the little, thin +hand in mine.</p> + +<p>"Yes, better, if they are doing more for others than I, sacrificing their +own ease and pleasure, which, alas, I am not doing."</p> + +<p>"How can you say that, when you are making home, and me so happy? I want +to grow to be just such a woman as you."</p> + +<p>"Alas, child, you must take a higher ideal than I am to pattern after, if +your life is to be a success."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Blake tells me of a good man living on the Mill Road, who is blind +and thinks a great deal. He says none of us can tell what our lives seem +like to the angels, and that many a one will get an overwhelming surprise +after death; some who think they are no good in the world, mere cumberers +of the ground, will find such blessed surprises as they wander through +the Heavenly places."</p> + +<p>"That is very comforting, dear, if we could only hope to be among those +meek ones."</p> + +<p>"He told Mrs. Blake she might be one of God's blessed ones if she +wished—that any sincere soul was welcomed by Him."</p> + +<p>"Surely you did not need to go to Mrs. Blake to learn that?"</p> + +<p>I was silent, perhaps ashamed for Mrs. Flaxman to know how very dense my +ignorance was respecting these mysteries of our holy religion. As the +weeks went by my friendship for Mrs. Blake strengthened. I kept her +little cottage brightened with the old-fashioned blossoms that she loved +best. "They mind me so of when I was a child, and the whole world seemed +in summer time like a great garden. We lived deep in the country, just a +little strip of ground brought in from the woods, and all round our +little log house was the green trees," she said one day, the pleasant +reflective look that I liked to see coming into her kind, strong face. I +used to sit and listen to her homely, uncultivated speech, and wonder why +I liked her so much better than my natural associates. She was so real, I +could not imagine her trying to appear other than she was. Some way she +seemed to take me back to elementary things, like the memories of +childhood or the reading of the Book of Genesis. Then she had so changed +Daniel's cottage—newly papered, whitewashed and thoroughly cleansed with +soap and water, it seemed one of the cosiest, homeliest places I ever +saw. I only went in the afternoons, and her housework then was always +done; but she was never idle. I used to watch her knitting stockings of +all sizes with silent curiosity; but one day I asked who a tiny pair of +scarlet ones was for. "Mrs. Larkum's baby. The poor things are in +desperate trouble," she replied.</p> + +<p>"But do you knit for other folks?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, fur some. Them I jest finished is fur one of the Chisties' down the +lane. Any size from one to ten fits there."</p> + +<p>"Are they able to pay you?" I ventured to inquire.</p> + +<p>"I don't ginerally knit for folks as can pay. It's a pity for little feet +to go bare because the mother was thriftless or overworked."</p> + +<p>I watched the busy fingers a little sadly, comparing them with my own +daintily gloved hands, that had never done anything more useful than to +hold a text book, or sketch, or practice on the ivory keys, while those +other hands often tired, calloused with hard usage, had been working +unselfishly through the years for others.</p> + +<p>"I wish you would teach me to knit," I said one day, seized with a sudden +inspiration.</p> + +<p>"'Twould be a waste of your time. Folks like you don't wear home-knit +stockings."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes they do. Pretty silken hose is quite the fashion; but I hire +mine knitted."</p> + +<p>"Then what makes you want to learn?"</p> + +<p>"Do you not think it is my duty to work for the poor, and helpless as +well as yours?"</p> + +<p>"I won't allow but what it is; but laws! rich folk can't pity the poor, +no more'n a person that's never been sick, or had the tooth-ache, can +pity one who has."</p> + +<p>"The stockings would be just as warm, though, as if I knew all about +their sorrows."</p> + +<p>"I reckon they'd feel better on some feet if they know'd your white hands +knit 'em."</p> + +<p>"If there would be any added pleasure to the warmth of the socks then you +will surely teach me."</p> + +<p>"I'll be proud to do it; but child, I'm afeard you are making me think +too much of you. Byem-bye when you get interested in other things, you +won't care to set in my kitchen, and listen to an old-fashioned body like +me, droning away like a bee in a bottle."</p> + +<p>"Do you think it is necessary to trouble about something that may never +come to pass? I think I shall always enjoy hearing you talk. Listening +to you seems like watching the old-fashioned flowers nodding their heads +in the drowsy summer air. I like the rare flowers, too, with long names +and aristocratic faces; but I don't think I shall ever like them so well +as to forget the happy fancies their humble relations bring."</p> + +<p>"Thank you, dearie. I guess you'll allays keep a warm place in your heart +for the old-fashioned folks as well as the posies."</p> + +<p>"Now that we have that matter settled, suppose I begin the knitting," +I said, without any further attempt at convincing Mrs. Blake of my +unalterable regard.</p> + +<p>She got me the yarn and needles and I straightway proceeded to master +another of the domestic sciences. I was soon able to turn the seam, and +knit plain; but was forced to stop very often to admire my own +handicraft. However, I got on so readily that she allowed I could +undertake a child's sock. I wanted it to look pretty as well as to be +comfortable, and not fancying Mrs. Blake's homespun yarn, I started out +to the store to get some better suited to my liking.</p> + +<p>When I returned, Mrs. Blake exclaimed at the size of my bundle, assuring +me that it would supply me with work for months.</p> + +<p>"I'm surprised you wan't ashamed to carry such a big parcel," she said +admiringly.</p> + +<p>"It did not occur to me to be ashamed."</p> + +<p>"One never knows who they may meet though."</p> + +<p>"It was nothing to be ashamed of."</p> + +<p>"I s'pose not; but quality has such queer notions."</p> + +<p>"I do not wish to be quality if that is the case; I want to be a sensible +woman, and a useful one," I said, as I proceeded to wind my yarn from +Mrs. Blake's outstretched arms. In a short time I had the pleasure of +seeing a pretty little sock evolving itself out of the long strand of +yarn. Mrs. Blake finding me anxious to be helpful to her poor neighbors, +began unfolding histories from time to time, as I sat in her tidy +kitchen, that to me seemed to rise to the dignity of tragedies. Sometimes +I begged to accompany her to these sorrowful homes. The patience under +overwhelming sorrow that I saw at times, gave me new glimpses into the +possibilities of human endurance, and my sympathies were so wrought upon, +I set about trying to earn money myself to help alleviate their wants, +while a new field of work stretched out before me in bewildering +perspective; and sometimes I wished I too had a hundred hands, like a +second Briareus, that I might manufacture garments for half-clad women +and children.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + +<h3>MR. WINTHROP.</h3> + + +<p>That evening, my first knitting lesson ended, on returning to Oaklands a +surprise awaited me. As I was walking briskly up the avenue towards the +house I met Hubert with Faery coming to bring me home.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop has come, and is inquiring very particularly where you are +in hiding, and I believe my poor mother is afraid of telling him an +untruth, for she hurried me off very unceremoniously after you," Hubert +said, as he reined up Faery for a moment's conversation.</p> + +<p>"You need have no fears for her; she would go to the stake rather than +tell a lie."</p> + +<p>"Or betray a friend," Hubert said, with a meaning smile. "Remember Mr. +Winthrop is very fastidious about his associates. Your friend Mrs. Blake, +in his eyes, has only a bare right to exist; to presume on his +friendship, or that of his ward, would be an unpardonable sin."</p> + +<p>"I must hasten to your mother's relief," I said, with a little scoffing +laugh. I paid very little heed just then to Hubert's remarks—later I +found he had not greatly overstated my guardian's exclusiveness. Wishing +to gain my room and make some additions to my toilet before meeting Mr. +Winthrop, I chose a side entrance, taking a circuitous path through the +shrubbery, if possible to reach the house unseen.</p> + +<p>The door opened into a conservatory, and I had just slipped in stealthily +when I found myself face to face with a gentleman whom I knew on the +instant was my guardian. There was such an air of proprietorship about +him, as he stood calmly surveying nature's beautiful products in leaf and +bud and blossom. He glanced down at me—possibly taking me at first for +one of the maids—then looking more keenly he bowed rather distantly. I +returned the salutation quite as coldly, and was making good my flight +when his voice arrested my steps. "Pardon me," he said, in a finely +modulated and very musical voice, "is this not Miss Selwyn?" I turned and +bowing said, "My guardian, I think."</p> + +<p>"I am glad we were able to recognize each other." I looked into his face. +The smile was very winning that greeted me, otherwise I thought the face, +though handsome, and unusually noble looking, was cold, and a trifle hard +in expression.</p> + +<p>"I am glad to welcome you to Oaklands, though late in being able to do +so. I hope you have not found it too dull?"</p> + +<p>"Oh no, indeed—there is so much to interest one here after city life, I +am glad at each new day that comes."</p> + +<p>He looked surprised at my remark, and instantly I bethought myself of the +character for fastidiousness which Hubert had given him, and resolved to +be less impulsive in expressing my feelings.</p> + +<p>"You must make society for yourself then in other than the human element. +I cannot think any one could rejoice, on waking in the morning, merely to +renew intercourse with our Cavendish neighbors."</p> + +<p>I looked up eagerly—"Then you don't care for them, either?"</p> + +<p>"Ah, I see it is not from your own species you draw satisfaction."</p> + +<p>"But you have not answered my question."</p> + +<p>There was a gleam of humor swept over the face I was already finding so +hard to read.</p> + +<p>"I am not well enough versed in Cavendish society to give a just +opinion—probably you have already drank more cups of tea with your +friends than I have done in ten years. Let me hear your verdict."</p> + +<p>"Our Deportment Professor assured us it was exceedingly bad form to +discuss one's acquaintance—you will please excuse me."</p> + +<p>I was already getting afraid of my guardian. But, from childhood, there +was a spice of fearlessness in my composition that manifested itself even +when I was most frightened. Again I glanced into his face—he was +regarding me with a peculiar intentness, as if I were some new plant +brought into the conservatory from an unknown region, and he was trying +to classify me. I could see no trace of warm, human interest in his gaze.</p> + +<p>"That was a rather mutinous remark to bestow so soon upon your guardian," +he said, in the same even voice.</p> + +<p>"I am very sorry," I murmured, now thoroughly ashamed of myself.</p> + +<p>"We will make a truce not again to discuss our acquaintances; but that +interesting subject eliminated from conversation, there would be a dearth +left with a goodly number of our species."</p> + +<p>"I do not care for the tea parties here, Mr. Winthrop. I am not +interested in the things they talk about." I said, with a sudden burst of +confidence.</p> + +<p>"You have broken our compact already. A woman cannot hold to a bargain, I +am informed."</p> + +<p>"I had not promised," I said, proudly.</p> + +<p>"Then I am to infer you are an exception, and would hold to your +promises, no matter how binding."</p> + +<p>"I am the daughter of a man; possibly I may have inherited some noble, +manly properties." My temper was getting ruffled.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Nature plays some curious freaks occasionally," he said in a +reflective way, as if we were discussing some scientific subject.</p> + +<p>"You will please excuse me. Dinner will be announced shortly, and I must +remove my wraps," I said, very politely.</p> + +<p>He bowed, and I gladly escaped to my own room, feeling more startled than +pleased at my first interview with Mr. Winthrop.</p> + +<p>The dinner bell rang, and I hastened down to be in my place at the table +before Mr. Winthrop entered. I opened the door of the pretty breakfast +parlor where dinner had been served ever since I came to Oaklands, but +the room was silent and empty.</p> + +<p>I turned, not very gladly to the great dining-room, which I had somehow +fancied was only used on rare occasions. Opening the door I saw the table +shining with silver and glass, while Mrs. Flaxman stood surveying the +arrangements with an anxious face. "Shall we always dine here?" I asked +anxiously.</p> + +<p>"Always when Mr. Winthrop is at home; our informal dinners in the cosy +breakfast-room are a thing of the past."</p> + +<p>"But this seems so formal and grand I shall never enjoy your delicious +dishes any more, with Hubert adding to their piquancy with his sarcasms, +and witticisms."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, dear, you will; one gets used to everything in this world, even +to planning every day for several courses at dinner," she said with a +sigh.</p> + +<p>"I wonder why it is necessary to go to so much trouble just for something +to eat, when it's all over in a half hour or so, and not any more +nutritious than food plainly prepared?"</p> + +<p>"The Winthrops have always maintained a well-equipped table. Our Mr. +Winthrop would look amazed if we set him down to one of our informal +dinners."</p> + +<p>"I think he would enjoy them if he once tried them," I said, as I slipped +into the place Mrs. Flaxman appointed. A few seconds after Mr. Winthrop +entered, followed immediately by Hubert who was quite metamorphosed from +the gay, scoffing youth into a steady-paced young man. As the dinner +progressed I no doubt looked my surprise at the change; but a meaning +glance at Mr. Winthrop was Hubert's mute reply.</p> + +<p>While Mr. Winthrop's attention was taken up with his dinner, I took the +opportunity of studying more closely this man to whom my dead father had +committed so completely the interests and belongings of his only child. +The scrutiny was, in some respects, not greatly reassuring. I had noticed +as we stood near each other in the conservatory that he was a large man, +tall, broad-shouldered and muscular. The face, though handsome, had a +cold, stern look that I felt could look at me pitilessly if I incurred +his displeasure. But there was also an expression of high, intellectual +power; an absorbed, self-contained look that seemed to set him apart from +others as one who could live independently, if necessary, of the society +of his fellow men. I should like to be his friend, was my thought, as +finding that Hubert was watching me, I turned my attention to my +neglected dinner. Mrs. Flaxman in her gentle fashion kept the +conversation from utterly flagging, although we none of us gave her much +help. Unasked she gave a pleasant account of the happenings at Oaklands, +the ongoings of his human and dumb dependents; how the Alderneys at her +suggestion had been transferred to richer pasturage, and the consequent +increase in cream; the immense crop of fruit and vegetables, so much more +than they could possibly require, and would it be best to sell the +overplus?</p> + +<p>"Why not give it to the poor?" I said, eagerly.</p> + +<p>"Would that pay, do you think?" Mr. Winthrop inquired, giving me at the +same time a curiously intent look.</p> + +<p>"The poor would thank you."</p> + +<p>"How do you know there are any?"</p> + +<p>"I have met a good many myself. I dare say there are others I know +nothing about."</p> + +<p>He turned a keen look at Mrs. Flaxman; I saw her face flush; probably he +noticed it as well as I. Then he said, quite gravely:—</p> + +<p>"You shall have all the surplus for your needy acquaintances; only +you must superintend the distribution. I firmly believe in giving +philanthropists their share of the labor."</p> + +<p>The color flamed into my face, I could hardly repress the retort:—"Why +do you spoil the grace of your gift so ungraciously?" but I left the +words unsaid until he left the room, when I relieved my feelings much to +Hubert's amusement, who brightened greatly once the door was closed upon +him and we were alone.</p> + +<p>"I could like that man better than any one I know if he hadn't such a +beastly way of conferring favors. Once I get earning money I shall pay +him every cent that I have cost him," Hubert said vindictively.</p> + +<p>"Including Faery and the choice cigars?" his mother asked, with a sad +little smile.</p> + +<p>Hubert flushed. "What are they to one of his means?"</p> + +<p>"But if you pay him some day it will take you so much longer to pay for +them," I said, surprised he had not remembered this.</p> + +<p>"I can't part with Faery. Youth is such a beggarly short affair, if one +can't have pleasure then, when will they get it?"</p> + +<p>"I should think it was high-priced pleasure if I had to take it on those +terms."</p> + +<p>"You have no idea what prices men are willing to pay for what they +desire. Faery even with my means would seem a mere bagatelle to most +young fellows of my set."</p> + +<p>"I would really like to know what your means are," his mother said, +playfully.</p> + +<p>"Principally my profession, when I get it; capital health, and a world +full of work to be done by some one. I shall stand as good a chance as +any one to get my share of the world's rewards for good work +accomplished."</p> + +<p>"Bravo, Mr. Hubert. I only wish I was a boy so I might go to work too," +I cried.</p> + +<p>"Hush, the master will hear you. I told you he was fastidious about +ladies' deportment. Even the housemaids and cook catch the infection. +I certainly pity his poor ward."</p> + +<p>"Please do not waste pity on me; if Mr. Winthrop is not nice, I shall go +to Boston or New York and teach German in some boarding-school."</p> + +<p>A low, long whistle was his only reply.</p> + +<p>"Hubert, have you forgotten yourself? Mr. Winthrop will think we have got +demoralized."</p> + +<p>"Forgive me, mother mine, but Miss Selwyn astounded me. Fancy her working +for her bread."</p> + +<p>"And liberty," I said, merrily.</p> + +<p>"You have got an instalment of that already, permission to dispense the +fruit and vegetables. The work has been given as a punishment for making +acquaintance with common people."</p> + +<p>"That will be a pleasure; see what I am already doing for some of them." +I took my forgotten knitting work from my pocket.</p> + +<p>"I deeply regret I must so soon leave Oaklands. I really think you will +make things livelier here than they have been since Mr. Winthrop was a +lad. Just for one moment, mother, try to imagine his disgust when he +finds his high-bred ward knitting socks for Dan Blake's little monkeys."</p> + +<p>"Dan Blake has no children, Hubert," his mother said, gravely; "and I +am not going to trouble myself about what may never happen. It is not +necessary for Mr. Winthrop to know how his ward spends her spare time and +pocket money."</p> + +<p>"But he would as soon think of exchanging civilities with his own dumb +animals as with those folk on the Mill Road; and, yet, right under his +nose these little arrangements getting manufactured! It is carrying the +war into the enemy's camp with a vengeance."</p> + +<p>"Is that a specimen of your college conversation, Hubert? If so, you +might better remain at Oaklands."</p> + +<p>"Surely, mother; you don't expect us to talk like a sewing society or +select gathering of maiden ladies," Hubert said with some disgust. "Fancy +a lot of young fellows picking and choosing their words as if they were a +company of prigs."</p> + +<p>"If every word we utter continues to vibrate in the air until the final +wreck of matter, as some scientists suppose, surely we can't be too +careful of our words, my son."</p> + +<p>"If we believe all the nonsense those chaps who are continually meddling +with nature's secrets tell us, we should sit with shut lips and folded +hands lest we would destroy the equilibrium of the universe, or our own +destiny. There is any quantity of bosh let loose on poor, long-suffering +humanity, and labeled Science."</p> + +<p>"That comes with bad grace from an embryo scholar. If I were you I would +throw education 'to the dogs' and take things on trust like Thomas, or +the Mill Road people," I said, jestingly.</p> + +<p>"I want to know for myself; and so not get cheated by every crank who +airs his theories."</p> + +<p>"But, Hubert, to come back to the original dispute, if the atmosphere +does not hold our every foolish or necessary word, they are permanently +recorded in another place by a pen that never writes falsely, or misses +a single sentence. How many pages have you got written there, I wonder, +that if it were possible you would gladly obliterate with your heart's +blood one day."</p> + +<p>"Mother, you are worse than the scientists; at least more terrifying. Do +you know, Miss Selwyn, when I was a little chap she had me persuaded to +be a missionary to Greenland, or the South Pole. I had made up my mind to +choose the very worst possible place, so as to have all the greater +reward."</p> + +<p>"What has changed your mind?"</p> + +<p>"Natural development, I expect. Mother is a very sweet and gentle woman, +but I am sorry to say she is a crank, if there was ever one."</p> + +<p>"Why, Hubert, you amaze me," I said, smiling. "I thought she was as near +perfection as any one I ever knew. Excuse me expressing myself so +openly," I said, bowing to Mrs. Flaxman; "but won't you tell me what her +tendency to insanity is; for I believe cranks are a species of madmen, if +I rightly understand what the word implies."</p> + +<p>"Over religiosity. Why, really, she used to make me long for martyrdom +when I was a child."</p> + +<p>"I did not think a person could so soon outgrow early piety," I said, +dryly.</p> + +<p>Hubert colored and said very little more about his mother's early lessons +after that to me; but I could see that his strange indifference +respecting those subjects she held as most important of anything within +reach of humanity pained her deeply.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + +<h3>EXAMINATION.</h3> + + +<p>Directly Mr. Winthrop had attended to matters at once claiming his +attention on his return, he began to investigate my daily avocations. I +showed him the work already accomplished, so far as it could be seen—the +knitting certainly excepted. My sketches in water colors and oils I +brought out rather timidly for his inspection. Mrs. Flaxman had told me +how severe he was in his criticisms on careless work, and possibly all +through my painting the thought what he might say of what I was doing had +a strong influence on the quality of my work. In some respects, no doubt, +it helped me to paint more carefully and copy more closely from nature; +but, on the other hand, imagination and freedom were restrained; and it +is possible I might have better satisfied him with what I had +accomplished if I had never once thought about his opinion as I worked. +As I carried them into the library that bright early autumn morning, I +felt a shrinking at submitting my pictures, in their imperfection, to +unsympathetic eyes, much as a mother might feel at bringing a deformed +child to a baby show; but I had also a measure of satisfaction, since I +could prove to my guardian that I had not been idle, when I spread before +him copies, more or less defective, of views from his own grounds. The +servants had watched them grow under my pencil and brush with an interest +almost equalling my own; and it was amusing the eagerness which even +Thomas evinced to be painted into a picture, spoiling it very much, to my +mind, by insisting on having on his Sunday clothes.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop glanced at them with some surprise as he saw the goodly +heap; then he said: "I will only look to-day at what you have done since +coming here. Mrs. Flaxman tells me you have accomplished a good +expenditure of paint."</p> + +<p>"I have only brought those, sir, I did not suppose you cared to examine +my school work."</p> + +<p>"Some other time I may do so; but do you say all these have been done +since you came here?" He picked one up, not noticing apparently my reply, +and recognizing the view, instantly his face brightened.</p> + +<p>"Ah, you have shown taste in this selection; it is one of my favorite +views. I am glad you prefer nature to mere copying from another's work +which is like accepting other men's ideas, when one is capable of +originating them of one's own." He looked at it closely and for some time +in silence, then with no further word of praise he criticised it +mercilessly, while he pointed out fault after fault. I could only +acquiesce in the correctness of his criticisms, and only wondered I +should have been so blind as to permit such glaring faults to creep into +my work. Of the many scores of drawing and painting lessons I had +previously taken, not any twelve of them, to say the least, had widened +my knowledge of art as this hour spent with my guardian over that first +picture had done. I looked at him with a provoked sort of admiration, +surprised that one who knew so well how nature should be imitated, did +not, himself, attempt the task, and angry both with him and myself that I +was being subjected to such humiliation, while I listened to him as he +convinced me the picture I thought so good was a mere daub. I was wise +enough, and proud enough too, not to make any sign that I was undergoing +torture, and with stoical calmness permitted him, without a single +remonstrance, to examine every picture there, even the one containing +Thomas in his Sunday suit, as he stood surveying with idealized face, +a superb patch of cabbages.</p> + +<p>"Fancy has run riot with you there entirely; if the gardener were +surveying his sweetheart in the church choir he might have some such +seraphic expression, but it is utterly thrown away on those vegetables; +his face and his broadcloth coat are in perfect harmony," Mr. Winthrop +said, with even voice, as he held aloft the picture that all the other +members of his household had so greatly admired.</p> + +<p>"You think, then, the time spent in these has been quite wasted?" I tried +to say calmly.</p> + +<p>"A genuine artist, no doubt, would say without a moment's hesitation that +the paint was thrown away. As for the time, he would probably say a young +girl's time was of little consequence in any case. I am not an artist, +and do not value paint at a high figure; so I most decidedly affirm that +you made an excellent use of the paint. Labor conscientiously spent in +decorating a barn door is well employed. The door may not be much the +better, but the person who tries to improve its appearance with +painstaking care is benefited."</p> + +<p>"Then I may conscientiously continue decorating canvas, or at least +trying to do so."</p> + +<p>"I should certainly desire and advise you to do so; but instead of +covering so many, if you would take time and talent in elaborating one +picture, I would be better pleased."</p> + +<p>He laid the pictures to one side. "We will continue this study more +exhaustingly in the future; to-day I want to speak of other things. You +have made use of my library, Mrs. Flaxman also informs me. Will you +please tell me what books you have been reading?"</p> + +<p>I went to the shelves and took down the books I had spent most time over, +a good many were novels; and on these I felt certain I could pass a +fairly good examination, since I had read some of them with absorbed +interest; novels of all kinds were, for the most part, forbidden mental +food at school, and therefore, when opportunity offered, I dipped into +them with the keener avidity. But my mind was healthy enough to crave +more solid food than fiction alone, and I was glad to be able to hand my +guardian a volume or two of Carlyle's Frederick, Froude's Cæsar, Motley's +Rise of the Dutch Republic, and a couple of volumes of Bancroft's History +of the United States.</p> + +<p>"Have you read all these since you came to Oaklands?" he asked, with +evident surprise.</p> + +<p>"I skipped some of the dull passages; the 'dry-as-dust' parts of which I +found a few even in Carlyle."</p> + +<p>"Could you stand an examination, think you, in each or any of them?"</p> + +<p>"I am willing to try," I said, seating myself on the opposite side of the +table with folded hands, and possibly a martyrlike air of resignation.</p> + +<p>"Since you are so willing we will take Froude's Cæsar to-day; let me hear +you give a digest of the entire book."</p> + +<p>My eyes sparkled; for this was the last volume I had read, and the author +had infused into my mind a strong leaven of his own hero-worship for the +majestic Cæsar. I was surprised at the ease with which I repeated chapter +after chapter of those stirring incidents, while with his stern, +inscrutable face, my guardian turned the leaves to follow me in my rapid +flight from tragedy to tragedy in those stormy times.</p> + +<p>He laid the book down without comment, and, glancing at the remainder of +the pile paused a moment, and then said: "I will defer the criticisms on +these to some other day. Your memory as well as vocal organs will be +fatigued."</p> + +<p>I meanwhile resolved to consult those books again before the further +examination should take place.</p> + +<p>"You have practised every day on the piano in addition to your other +work; may I ask how long a time you allowed yourself?"</p> + +<p>"At least an hour, sometimes when it was wet or unpleasant out of doors I +took longer time. Never more than three hours, I believe."</p> + +<p>"We will take an hour or two after dinner over your music, after this +once a week, we will spend a short time in reviewing what you read."</p> + +<p>A new anxiety seized me at this promised ordeal. I fancied examinations +and I had said good-bye forever when I left the school-room.</p> + +<p>"I trust you will not think me severe if I insist on thoroughness in +everything. I am wearied seeing so much good money and time wasted on +young girls! With the majority of them, once they have left their +teacher's side, all their interest in further mental culture is at an +end."</p> + +<p>"Some great writers say that our schooling is simply to train the mind to +work, fitting it, so to speak, with necessary tools like a well-equipped +mechanic."</p> + +<p>"But if the tools are never utilized, what good are they merely to lie +and rust?"</p> + +<p>"Who can affirm positively that they are never utilized? Even the +shallowest boarding-school Miss may carry herself more gracefully in +society than one of your usefulest women—Mrs. Blake, for instance."</p> + +<p>"How do you know anything about Mrs. Blake?" he asked abruptly.</p> + +<p>"I met her on the train when I came here and she talked some time with +me."</p> + +<p>"It is not usual for persons in your position to permit such liberties."</p> + +<p>"I thought in America all were reckoned equal."</p> + +<p>"You are not an American."</p> + +<p>"Shall I return then to Europe? I could always travel first-class, and so +be safe from vulgar intrusion."</p> + +<p>"Until your majority your father decided that your home was to be here +after you left school."</p> + +<p>"At what age do I attain my majority?" I asked eagerly.</p> + +<p>"Are you tired of Oaklands?" His eyes were watching me intently.</p> + +<p>"Never, until to day." I faltered, exceedingly frightened, but forced to +tell the truth.</p> + +<p>He turned over the leaves of the Cæsar for a few seconds, in silence, +then he said in quite gentle tones:—</p> + +<p>"You are tired; we will leave books for another day."</p> + +<p>I bowed, but dared not trust myself to speak lest I might reveal that my +tears were struggling to find vent, and began gathering up my sketches. +He took up a view of Oaklands over which I had lingered lovingly for a +good many hours, adding what I fondly thought were perfecting touches and +said:—</p> + +<p>"I should like to keep this, if you will give it to me."</p> + +<p>My heart instantly grew lighter, so that I was able to say quite calmly +that he was very welcome to it. This, however, was the only compliment he +paid me for the work over which I had been expending so much time and +effort during the past few months; but I had done the work much in the +same fashion that the birds sing—from instinct.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + +<h3>MRS. LARKUM.</h3> + + +<p>Hubert left for college before the time came around for the distribution +of our ripened fruit, and vegetables, for which fact I was very glad. I +knew the task was going to be no easy one, with Mr. Winthrop silently, +and no doubt sarcastically, watching me; and Hubert's good humored +raillery would in no wise lighten my cares.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman counseled me as wisely as she knew, but Mrs. Blake was my +greatest help in the matter. Mr. Winthrop had not discovered, or if he +had, did not interfere with my continued friendship for that worthy +woman; so in my present perplexities I came to her for advice and +consolation.</p> + +<p>She promised to notify all her poor acquaintances when they were to +come for their share of our gifts; she assured me there was already +considerable interest, as well as surprise, awakened by the expectation +of such a gathering at Oaklands.</p> + +<p>For several days I watched Thomas and Samuel storing away such vast +quantities of fruit and vegetables, that I concluded we could safely +stand siege for a good many months, but I ruefully determined there would +be little remaining for me to distribute. But one bright morning, just in +range with my own windows, I saw the gardener nailing up some wooden +booths, and when completed, they began to pour in great basketfuls of all +sorts of vegetables, and afterward in separate booths, apples, pears, and +plums. I slipped out before Mr. Winthrop was astir and inquired of Thomas +if these were for my Mill Road pensioners.</p> + +<p>"Yes, ma'am, that they are; and did I ever think I'd live to see this +day?"</p> + +<p>"Why, Thomas, are you not willing to share your bountiful harvest with +those who have none?"</p> + +<p>"Indeed I am. It's that makes me so glad this morning. I had that +good-for-nothing Sam up at four o'clock, helping me saw the boards to +build them bins to put the garden sass in. He reckoned you'd a much sight +better have been staying in them foreign parts than be giving decent +folks such bother. I give him a clip on the ear that made him howl in +earnest, I can tell you. I says to him, says I, 'Why, one would think you +was one of the aristocracy yourself to hear you talk so indifferent like +about the poor folk. There's Miss Selwyn, with full and plenty, and see +how she works for them; you'd ought to be ashamed of yourself,' I says to +him."</p> + +<p>"But I hope you won't punish the poor fellow on my account again—won't +you please give him a holiday soon, for getting up to work so early this +morning?"</p> + +<p>"I'll see about it; but he gets holidays right along; he's nothing but a +plague."</p> + +<p>I saw poor Sam scuttling around a large apple tree quite within hearing +of the gardener's voice, and concluded he was another instance of +listeners never hearing any good of themselves. I did very little work or +reading that day, but watched from the shelter of my window curtains the +slowly accumulating pile. Samuel, I noticed, seemed to work with unusual +cheerfulness, and even the gardener himself did not empty his basket any +oftener than his well-abused help. Mr. Winthrop passed once or twice, and +seemed to give directions. I fancied he glanced up to my window as he +stood watching them empty their baskets. At luncheon he said:—</p> + +<p>"Your pensioners may come this afternoon, and carry away their produce."</p> + +<p>"I will let them know immediately."</p> + +<p>"Will you go and tell them yourself?" he asked, rather sternly.</p> + +<p>"I can do so with all safety; they are perfectly harmless." I gave him a +mutinous look, but my heart fluttered; for, in spite of myself, I was +very much afraid of my guardian.</p> + +<p>"You must not go about from house to house peddling your generosity," he +said, sarcastically.</p> + +<p>"It is your generosity, Mr. Winthrop," I said gravely; "besides, I do not +go to their houses at all. I have only to acquaint Mrs. Blake that your +gift is ready for distribution."</p> + +<p>"One of the servants will go to Mrs. Blake. You will need all your +strength to maintain the proprieties when your ragged crowd comes."</p> + +<p>"Have you ever seen the Mill Road people?" I asked abruptly.</p> + +<p>"Probably on the streets sometimes; but are they a very distinguished +looking crowd, that you ask?"</p> + +<p>"No, but they are human beings just like ourselves, created in God's +image as clearly as the President of these United States, and some of +them fulfilling the end for which they were made quite as acceptably, +perhaps."</p> + +<p>"The President would, no doubt, feel flattered to have his name so +coupled."</p> + +<p>"I beg your pardon, Mr. Winthrop, I had forgotten your Presidents +conquered the high position they fill, and are not born to it like mere +puppets."</p> + +<p>"You will compare your humble friends with European Royalties then, I +presume."</p> + +<p>"Oh, any one dropping into a soft nest prepared for them by others will +do just as well," I said, not very politely.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman looked on helplessly as she sat nervously creasing her +napkin; then with a sudden look of relief she said: "Shall I despatch +Esmerelda to the Mill Road? They will have little enough time to get all +that heap of good things carried away before night."</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop signified his willingness, and as she was leaving the room +Mrs. Flaxman, by a look, summoned me to follow her. Once outside she said +in her gentle way:—"I would not get arguing with Mr. Winthrop if I were +you. He is a good deal older, and, pardon me, a good deal wiser; and +while he never seems to lose his own temper he very easily makes others +lose theirs."</p> + +<p>"I will try not to," I said, very humbly, for now that my temper had +calmed I realized that I had been very foolish in saying what I did. I +went sorrowfully to my room, and, taking my knitting work, I sat down in +my easy chair where I could watch them working busily at the vegetables. +But there came so many desolate, homesick fancies to keep me company, +that pretty soon my eyes were so blinded with tears I could scarcely see +the enlivening prospect under my windows. Ashamed of my weakness I set +myself resolutely to thinking of Daniel Blake and his heavy, sad life; of +the poor barefoot children, and tired mothers on the Mill Road; and of +all the sadder hearts than mine should be, until the sultry, still air, +and monotonous click of the knitting needles overcame my heartaches, and +I went fast asleep. A knock at the door startled me. Hastily opening it, +I met Esmerelda, who had come to announce the arrival of her neighbors.</p> + +<p>"There's a good lot of them coming, and they look as frightened, and +foolish as so many dogs that's been caught sheep killing. I declare I +pity them."</p> + +<p>"Where is Mr. Winthrop?" I gasped.</p> + +<p>"Oh, you may be certain he's not far off; it's just death to him having +so many of them poor wretches coming around his place. I can't think why +he lets them."</p> + +<p>"I will be there presently, Esmerelda," I said, turning away. It was +certainly not my place to allow her to stand there gossiping about her +employer.</p> + +<p>I did not wait to brush my rumpled hair or bestow more than a passing +glance in the mirror, where I caught sight of a pair of wide, frightened +eyes and an unusually pale face. Mr. Winthrop was waiting for me in the +hall. In my excitement I still held in my hand the little sock I had been +knitting. He glanced at it curiously, but made no mention of it.</p> + +<p>"Your pensioners have come—a beggarly looking crowd."</p> + +<p>"Are there many?"</p> + +<p>"Not more than a dozen. You will have to negotiate with Thomas to get +your gifts carted home. Their baskets will hold only a tithe of what +you have to donate."</p> + +<p>"May I tell him to get the horses?"</p> + +<p>I looked up at him, I dare say, appealingly; for I felt quite overwhelmed +with care. He smiled grimly.</p> + +<p>"You may order all the servants to go to work—anything to get that crowd +away."</p> + +<p>"Don't you feel sorry for them, Mr. Winthrop?" I pleaded. "Just think how +hard it is to be poor, and to come to you with a basket for vegetables."</p> + +<p>"Yes, that last must be the bitterest drop in their misery," he said, +sarcastically. We were walking slowly around to the garden, but our +progress was much too swift for my courage. I would gladly have walked +the entire length of Cavendish to have escaped what had now become a very +difficult task. I resolved on one thing, however; not to be drawn into +any further conversation with Mr. Winthrop, nor allow him to entrap me in +his merciless way again.</p> + +<p>A bend in the garden walk brought me face to face with the Mill Road +people; the crowd consisted principally of women and boys; only a man or +two condescending to come with their baskets; or it may be they thought +the loss of a half day in the Mill would be poorly compensated by the +garden stuff they would get. Mrs. Blake was there,—a crape veil hanging +sideways from her bonnet, which I took as a mark of respect for Daniel's +wife. She carried no basket; and, from the compassionate look on her +face, I concluded she came with the hope to lighten my task, if possible. +I went directly to her, and shook her hand as cordially as if she had +been one of our bluest blooded Cavendish aristocracy. I saw her cast a +half frightened glance at Mr. Winthrop, but my fearless manner seemed to +reassure her, as she soon regained her customary coolness of demeanor. I +nodded cordially to the rest of the group who all seemed just then to be +gazing at me in a very helpless manner. I endeavored to comport myself as +the easy hostess dispensing the hospitalities of my home to a party of +welcome visitors; but with Mr. Winthrop watching my every movement I +found the task to do so herculean. The gardener stood watching the crowd +in a helpless way, apparently as uncertain what to do first as any of +them. I looked towards Mr. Winthrop; but he seemed deeply interested, +judging from his attitude and expression, in tying up a branch of an +overburdened pear tree; but he kept his face turned steadily towards me +all the time, I could not help observing.</p> + +<p>"What shall I do?" I whispered to Mrs. Blake.</p> + +<p>"Tell them to come forred and fill their baskets."</p> + +<p>I cleared my throat, and stepping up to the gardener said: "If you will +please come now, we will fill your baskets."</p> + +<p>At first no one moved; then a delicate, pretty looking woman, with +red-rimmed eyes and a baby in her arms came timidly forward.</p> + +<p>"What would you like best?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I can't tell; they all look so good."</p> + +<p>"We are going to send all of this that is left around to your homes in a +wagon."</p> + +<p>"I might take some of these," she said, pointing longingly to the apples +and pears. The baby was stretching its pinched little arms out to them, +and cooing in a pitiful, suppressed way, as if it realized it and must be +on its good behavior. I took the little creature in my arms; its clothes +were clean, but so thin and poor, my heart ached, while I looked at them. +I gave it my watch, which it carried with all speed to its mouth; but a +soft, delicious pear which I picked from the very limb Mr. Winthrop had +been supporting, caused it to drop the watch indifferently.</p> + +<p>"Don't you feel sorry for this little crumb of humanity?" I impulsively +asked, forgetting too speedily my determination not to converse with +him more than was really necessary.</p> + +<p>"Did Madame Buhlman give you lessons in philanthropy along with drawing +and music?"</p> + +<p>"Oh no, indeed; but I hope God has. I don't want my heart to be a rock +like"—and then I shut my mouth and with moist eyes and flushed face +turned abruptly from him.</p> + +<p>I swallowed down my tears, but my heart was too sore to play any longer +with the baby, so I slipped it back into its mother's arms, who had got +her basket filled and was ready to start for home; a neighbor's lad had +come to carry it for her, and with quite a cheerful face she bade me +good-bye. The rest of my crowd had got their baskets filled, and paused +with longing eyes regarding the heaps that still remained. I made their +faces grow suddenly much brighter as, with a slight elevation of voice, I +said: "Thomas will carry the rest of these vegetables around for you with +the horses. You will please stand at your doors, and, as he drives along, +come out for it." There was a subdued murmur of thanks, and then they +started homewards. Mrs. Blake waited a few moments behind them to look +around the old place where she had spent so many days, and shook hands +with Thomas who remembered her very distinctly.</p> + +<p>"It's odd doings for Oaklands having yon crowd come with their baskets," +he said, grimly; "the young miss be like to turn things topsy-turvey."</p> + +<p>"It's high time somebody did; what kind of reckonins will folks have +bime-by, of all their riches, and overplus, and so many of their own +kind of flesh and blood going hungry and naked?"</p> + +<p>"Their reckonins be none in my line. I sees to the roots and posies, that +they thrive; and there my work ends."</p> + +<p>"Yes, posies are fed and sheltered, and little human creeturs like the +widow Larkum's there can starve for all the great folks cares. Deary me! +it's a terble onjointed sort of world; seems to me I could regilate +things better myself. Well, a good afternoon, Mr. Prime."</p> + +<p>"Good afternoon," Mr. Prime coldly responded. Plainly he did not enjoy +Mrs. Blake's freedom of speech. I felt my trespasses against Mr. Winthrop +were already so great I could scarcely increase them by leaving Mrs. +Blake abruptly, so I walked with her through the old gardens, where she +had many a time, no doubt, dreamed her dreams long before my spirit got +started on its long voyage through time and the eternities. I accompanied +her all the way to the gate, listening sadly while she told me for the +second time the sorrowful story of the widow Larkum, whose baby I had +just been fondling. "Ever since her man fell on the circular saw and got +killed, she's been crying more or less. Her eyes look as if they'd been +bound in turkey red; and I tell her she'll be blind soon as well as her +father; but, laws! when the tears is there, they might as well come. It's +their natur, I s'pose, to be a droppin'."</p> + +<p>"What is to support them?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"I guess the parish, but my! they dread it. I believe Mr. Bowen would be +the happiest man in town if the Lord would send his angels for him; he's +about the best Christian I ever sot eyes on."</p> + +<p>"I think I can help them. Does it cost very much to keep a family."</p> + +<p>"It depends on how they're kept. A trifle would do them. She's that +savin', the hull of 'em don't cost much more'n a hearty man."</p> + +<p>"I will tell, Thomas, to leave plenty of his vegetables with her; and, in +the meantime, will you please tell her that I will help to keep the wolf +from her door?"</p> + +<p>"Indeed, I will, and be glad to. I can do a little myself; so you won't +have all to do; and then she is right handy with her needle. My! I feel a +burden lifted already. I couldn't help frettin' as well as her, though, +she's no more to me than any other body."</p> + +<p>"God has given you the heart that feels another's woes. Every one don't +have that blessed gift."</p> + +<p>"I expect not; or if they do, it's not minded. Seems to me the master +looked none too well pleased along wi' us bein' there to-day." She +looked at me keenly; but I was not going to make my moan even to this +true-hearted friend.</p> + +<p>"I hope this act of kindness may leave him so happy that he will give me +leave to give away all the unused stuff I see going to waste about the +place," I said, a trifle hypocritically.</p> + +<p>"He's never knew what want is; and any way his heart's not over tender +naterally; but there, young women can do most anything with men folks +when they're good-lookin' and have nice ways wi' 'em. There's a sight of +difference wi' girls. Some of 'em without any trouble get right into a +man's heart, and they'll go through fire and water to please 'em; and +others may be just as good-lookin' and they have hard work to get any +man to marry 'em. I've wondered more'n a little about it, but it's a +mystery." She turned her kindly wrinkled face on me and said, "You're one +of them kind that can just wind a man round your finger, and I'm looking +for better days at Oaklands. My! but you could do lots of good, if you +got him on your side."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mrs. Blake, you don't know anything about it, but you are to be +disappointed I am sure. But I can do something without any one's help. +Good-bye."</p> + +<p>She took my hand, holding it for some time in silence; then she said +softly: "Dear; you can get into other folk's hearts beside the men's."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + +<h3>AN EVENING WALK.</h3> + + +<p>Thomas got his garden stuff distributed satisfactorily. "It would done +your heart good to see how pleased the Larkums was over their share: I +give 'em good measure, I tell you," he informed me that evening, as I +made an errand to the stables in order to interview him.</p> + +<p>"That Mr. Bowen, her blind father, he come out too, and I've not got +better pay for anything for years than what he give me," Thomas continued +solemnly.</p> + +<p>"What did he give, you?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Well I can't just go over his words, but it minded me of the blessing +the preacher says over us before we go out of church, only this was all +just for you and me."</p> + +<p>"You have found to-day that it is more blessed to give than to receive."</p> + +<p>"That Mrs. Blake wan't far astray; but there, I wouldn't let on to the +likes of her that Mr. Winthrop might do more for them. Anyway there's no +one gives more for the poor in the parish, nor anything nigh as much; +only its taxes, and one don't get credit for them."</p> + +<p>"It is only for want of thought, Thomas. He has never been among the +poor, to see their wants and sufferings."</p> + +<p>"But what makes you think, and the rest all forget?"</p> + +<p>"I expect it is because my memory is better. I could always remember my +lessons at school better than the most of the pupils."</p> + +<p>"Ah, Miss, there's more than the memory. I wish there was more rich folks +like you; it would be a better world for the poor."</p> + +<p>His words startled me, the thought had never before occurred to me that +I might be rich. I went to my room, and, with more than my usual care, +dressed for dinner. Compared with Esmerelda's, my gowns were getting +shabby, and old-fashioned; and I concluded if I had means of my +own, it was time to treat myself charitably as well as my poor +acquaintances. The dinner bell rang at last, and I went down with some +trepidation to meet my guardian. My conscience confronted me with my +repeated words of insubordination during the day, commanding me to +apologize for my rudeness; but instinct with a stronger voice counselled +silence. As we took our seats at dinner, Mrs. Flaxman, I thought, with a +worried expression was furtively regarding us; but she kept silent. With +a good-humored smile Mr. Winthrop turned to me, saying: "Your crowd did +not fall to quarrelling over the spoil, I hope."</p> + +<p>"I wish you could have seen how good-humored they were on leaving. I +think they would have talked above their breath only they were afraid."</p> + +<p>"You did not strike me as looking particularly formidable. Indeed, I +quite pitied you; for you seemed the most frightened, nervous one in the +lot."</p> + +<p>"They were not afraid of me. Even the widow Larkum's baby cooed softly +until you were out of sight."</p> + +<p>"It must be a child of amazing intelligence."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman, looking more anxious than ever interjected a remark, not +very relevantly, about the prospect of our early winter; but Mr. Winthrop +allowed her remark to fall unheeded.</p> + +<p>"You seem particularly interested in that tender-eyed widow and her +infant. Is it long since you made their acquaintance?"</p> + +<p>"I cannot say that I am even now acquainted with her." I answered +politely.</p> + +<p>"I should judge you had a weakness for widows. Mrs. Blake seems on very +cordial terms with you."</p> + +<p>"I would take just as much interest in your widow, Mr. Winthrop, if she +was poor and sorrowful. The wheel of fortune may make a revolution some +day, and give me the opportunity."</p> + +<p>He really seemed to enjoy the retort which fell uncontrollably from my +lips.</p> + +<p>"Allow me to thank you beforehand for your kind offices to that afflicted +individual; though the prospect for their being required is not very good +at present."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Fleming has sent invitations for a garden-party," Mrs. Flaxman +interposed desperately. "I think Mr. Winthrop had better permit you to go +to New York for some additions to your toilet."</p> + +<p>"I will accompany her myself; she might get entangled with widowers on +her next trip."</p> + +<p>"Not if they are as provoking as the unmarried," I murmured below my +breath; but he seemed to catch my meaning.</p> + +<p>"They understand the art of pleasing your sex amazingly. I believe you +would find them more fascinating than Mrs. Blake, or your new friend, +the widow Larkum."</p> + +<p>I felt too sorrowful to reply, and my temper had quite expended itself. +I waited until he arose from the table and then followed him into the +library. He looked surprised, but very politely handed me a chair. I +bowed my thanks, but did not sit down; I stood opposite him with only +the study table between us. I was nervous, and half afraid to ask my +question, but summoning all my courage I broke the silence by +saying:—"Mr. Winthrop, will you please tell me if I am rich or poor?"'</p> + +<p>"That is a comparative question," he answered with provoking coolness. +"Compared with Jay Gould or Vanderbilt, I should say your means were +limited; but, on the other hand, to measure your riches with your widowed +friends, most persons would allow your circumstances to be affluent."</p> + +<p>"But have I any money left after my board and other expenses are paid?"</p> + +<p>He smiled sarcastically. "I do not take boarders; it has never been our +custom at Oaklands."</p> + +<p>I was getting angry and retorted:—"I shall not eat any man's bread +without paying for it, if he were a hundred times my guardian."</p> + +<p>"But if you had no money wherewith to pay him; what then?"</p> + +<p>"I have an education; with that surely I can earn my living as well as +Esmerelda. My knowledge of French and German will help me to a situation, +if nothing else."</p> + +<p>"If I say you must not leave here; that I will not permit my ward to work +for her living?" he questioned.</p> + +<p>"If I resolve to be independent, and earn something beside, to help the +poor, can you compel me to a life of ease and uselessness?"</p> + +<p>"Ah, I see what is troubling you—the widows are on your mind. A gracious +desire to help them has caused this mercenary fit. I am glad to inform +you that there is a snug sum lying at your bankers in your name. When you +come of age you will know the exact amount."</p> + +<p>"You will pay for my board and expenses out of it," I said, rather +incoherently; "and then, if there is any left, may I have it to lay out +as I choose?"</p> + +<p>"I do not care to assume the rôle of a hotel-keeper, so we will +compromise matters. You can name whatever sum you choose for your board, +and I will give it to you in quarterly instalments for your pensioners."</p> + +<p>I was silent for a few moments, perplexed to know what answer to give. If +he were to take from my own income the sum I might mention if I accepted +his terms, would I not still be a debtor to his hospitality? I spoke at +last, knowing that his eyes were reading my face. "Could I not first pay +you all that I really cost you, and then if there was any money left, +have that to expend just as I choose?"</p> + +<p>"I have hitherto allowed you a certain sum for pocket money. I limited +the supply, because, as a school-girl, I believed too much would be an +injury. Since, however, you are now a young lady grown and gifted with +highly benevolent instincts, I will increase your spending money to any +reasonable sum you may name."</p> + +<p>"Will it be my own money?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly; I shall not exercise the slightest supervision over the way +you spend it, so long as your Mill Road friends do not get quarreling +over the division of it."</p> + +<p>"You do not understand my meaning. Will it be the money my father left +me?"</p> + +<p>"I cannot promise it will be just the same. No doubt that has passed +through scores of hands since then; in fact, it may be lying in the +bottom of the sea. I did not expect you would be so exact in money +matters, or I might have been more careful."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop, why do you so persistently misconstrue my meaning?" I +said, desperately. He looked down more gently from his superior height +into my troubled face, and the mocking gleam faded from his eyes.</p> + +<p>"Why are you so scrupulously, ridiculously insistent in maintaining such +perfect independence? Can you not believe I get well paid for all you +cost me, if we descend to the vulgarity of dollars and cents, in having +a bright, original young creature about the house with a fiery, +independent, nature, ready to fight with her rich friends for the sake +of her poor ones?"</p> + +<p>"I wish we could be friendly, Mr. Winthrop," I half sobbed, with an +impulsive gesture stretching out my hands, but remembering myself, as +quickly I drew them back, and without waiting for a reply fled from the +room. Once in the hall I took down my hat from the rack and slipped out +into the night, my pulses throbbing feverishly, and with difficulty +repressing the longing to find relief in a burst of tears. The short +twilight had quite faded away into starlight, but the autumn air was +still warm enough to permit a stroll after nightfall. When I grew calm +enough to notice whither my feet had strayed, I found myself on the Mill +Road. Instinctively I felt I should not go so far from home in the +darkness unattended; but I was naturally courageous as well as +unconventional, and the desire was strong on me to tell Mrs. Blake my +good news. I got on safely until Daniel Blake's light was in sight, when, +just before me, I heard rough voices talking and laughing. I turned and +was about fleeing for home, when a similar crowd seemed to have sprung +up, as if by magic, just behind me. In my terror I attempted to climb a +fence, but fence-climbing was a new accomplishment, and in my ignorance +and fright, I dragged myself to the top rail and then fell over in a +nerveless heap on the other side. The crowd were too self-absorbed to +notice the crouching figure divided from them by a slight rail fence, and +went shouting on their way until stopped by the other crowd. I waited +until they had got to a safe distance, when I arose and sped swiftly +along over the damp grass until another fence intercepted my progress; +when fortunately I remembered that just beyond this fence was a low +marshy field, with deep pools of water. By some means I again got over +the fence, bruising my fingers in the effort. The voices were growing +fainter in the distance, and now with calmer pulses, I proceeded on my +way to the Blakes'. But a new alarm awaited me; for I recollected Daniel +would be at home now, and Tiger, his constant companion, would be +somewhere in his vicinity. The dog was a huge creature, capable of +tearing me to pieces in a very short time if he was so inclined. Folding +my arms tightly in the skirt of my dress, I presently heard Tiger +approaching, giving an occasional savage growl. I called him to me with +as much simulated affection in the tones of my voice as I could command, +and walked straight for the kitchen door. I put my hand on the latch, not +daring to hesitate long enough to knock, when he caught my sleeve in his +teeth. Half beside myself with terror, I called to Mrs. Blake, and in a +second or two the door opened and Daniel was peering out curiously into +my white face. The light from the lamp in his hand shone full on the dog +holding my sleeve in his white, long teeth. Daniel's slow brain scarce +took in the situation, but his mother, who sat where she could look +directly at us, caught up the tongs and gave Tiger a blow he probably +remembered to his dying day. He dropped my dress and slunk silently away +into the darkness. Instantly I felt sorry for him. "Won't you call him +back," I cried. "He thought he was doing his duty, and he took care not +to put his teeth in my arm."</p> + +<p>"It seems to me your heart is a leetle too tender of the brute; he might +have skeered you to death," Daniel said, as he went out after his dog to +see how heavy damage the tongs had inflicted.</p> + +<p>"I should not have come here so late; it was I and not the dog who was to +blame," I gasped, as I sank into Mrs. Blake's rocking-chair.</p> + +<p>"I've wanted Daniel to put the critter away; he's been offered fifty +dollars for him, but he's kind of lonesome, and refuses the offer."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake was looking at me closely. I knew she was curious to know what +brought me there at that unusual hour, so I hastened to explain, and +asking her would she go with me to the Widow Larkum's while I told her of +the help I expected to afford, and also of my mishaps on the way there.</p> + +<p>"Not to-night, dearie. These roads ain't none too safe after night for +women folks. It's a mercy you tumbled over the fence. My! what would +Mr. Winthrop say if he knowed?" she questioned solemnly.</p> + +<p>"But he will never know, if I can get back safely."</p> + +<p>"Dan'el and me'll go with you, and take Tiger and the lantern. They're +all afraid of the dog, if I haven't lamed him."</p> + +<p>She went to the door and called Daniel. He came in presently, with Tiger +limping after him.</p> + +<p>"You give him an unmerciful blow; a leetle more and he'd never barked +again."</p> + +<p>"Bring him in and I'll give him a bone and rub the sore place with +liniment."</p> + +<p>"Let me feed him," I begged. "I want to make friends with him."</p> + +<p>"You'd best not put your hands on him. He don't make free with +strangers."</p> + +<p>I took the bone; to my regret it was picked nearly bare, and I idly +resolved Tiger should have a good solid dinner the next day, if he and +I survived the mishaps of the night.</p> + +<p>"Poor fellow! I am very, very sorry I have caused you so much pain," I +said, giving him the bone and patting his huge head fearlessly.</p> + +<p>"Look out!" Daniel said, warningly.</p> + +<p>"You needn't be afeard," his mother said. "Tiger knows quality."</p> + +<p>Whether he was as knowing in this respect as she asserted, he gnawed his +bone and let me stroke his shaggy coat, while Mrs. Blake bathed his +bruised back.</p> + +<p>"There, he'll be all right now in no time; and Dan'el, you get the +lantern and we'll go back to Oaklands with Miss Selwyn."</p> + +<p>Daniel got up wearily, and did as his mother bade. After his hard day's +work in the mill he would willingly, no doubt, have been excused +escorting damsels in distress to their homes.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake soon came out of her room with her bonnet and shawl on—the +former one without a veil, which she excused on the ground that dew took +the stiffening out of crape—"Leastways," she added, "the kind I wear." +Tiger followed us, and more in mercy to him than the tired Daniel, I +insisted on going home alone once we had got beyond the precincts of the +Mill Road. I met with no further adventure, and reached my own room in +safety, fondly hoping no one in the house was aware of my evening's +ramble, and one that I determined should never be repeated. My cheeks +burned even after my light was extinguished, and my head throbbed on the +pillow at Mr. Winthrop's biting sarcasm if he knew the risk I had just +run from bipeds and quadrupeds, with Daniel Blake, his mother and dog as +body-guard past the danger of Mill Road ruffianism.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h2> + +<h3>A HELPING HAND.</h3> + + +<p>The following morning I went down to breakfast with some trepidation, and +feeling very much like a culprit. Mrs. Flaxman came into the room first, +and in her mild, incurious fashion said: "We were hunting for you last +evening. Mr. Winthrop wished to see you about something."</p> + +<p>I did not reply, neither did she inquire where I had bestowed myself out +of reach of their voices. I felt certain Mr. Winthrop's curiosity would +be more insistent, and was quite right in my conjectures. He came in as +usual, just on the minute, and seating himself, went through with the +formality of grace; but before our plates were served, he turned to me +and rather sternly said: "Are you in the habit of going out for solitary +night rambles?"</p> + +<p>"I never did but once," I faltered, too proudly honest to give an evasive +answer.</p> + +<p>"That once, I presume, occurred last night?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Strictly speaking, it wanted just five minutes to nine when you slipped +stealthily into the side entrance."</p> + +<p>I sat, culprit-like, in silence, while his eyes were watching me closely.</p> + +<p>"Don't you think two hours a long time to be loitering about the garden +in the dark?"</p> + +<p>"You must not be too hard on Medoline," Mrs. Flaxman interposed. "It is +an instinct with young folk to stray under the starlight and dream their +dreams. No doubt we both have been guilty of doing it in our time." I +flashed Mrs. Flaxman a look of gratitude, and wondered at the naïve way +she counted Mr. Winthrop with herself, as if he too had arrived at staid +middle-agehood.</p> + +<p>"Dreaming under stars and wandering around in attendance on widows are +two very different occupations," he said, quietly, and without a break in +his voice asked Mrs. Flaxman what he should help her to. I swallowed my +breakfast—what little I could eat—with the feeling that possibly each +succeeding mouthful might choke me; but full hearts do not usually prove +fatal, even at meal time.</p> + +<p>I arose from the table as soon as Mr. Winthrop laid down his napkin, and +was hastening from the room when I heard him move back his chair; and, +swift as were my movements, he was in the hall before I had reached the +topmost step of the staircase.</p> + +<p>"Just one more word, please," I heard him say. I turned around, resolved +to take the remainder of my lecture from a position where I could look +down on him. He held out a parcel, saying: "Will you come and get this, +or shall I carry it to you?"</p> + +<p>I descended without replying, and held out my hand for the roll. He took +hold of my hand instead. The firm, strong grasp comforted me, though I +expected a severer lecture than I had ever received before in all my +life. I looked up at him through tear-filled eyes when he said, in a +strangely gentle voice for the circumstances:</p> + +<p>"I saw you coming along the Mill Road last night with the Blakes and +their lantern. Why were you there so late?"</p> + +<p>"I wanted so much to tell the widow Larkum I was in a position now to +help her."</p> + +<p>He was silent for awhile; then he said:</p> + +<p>"I am glad you did not try to mislead me at the breakfast-table. I could +not easily have forgiven such an act. Next to purity, I admire perfect +truth in your sex."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop, you will believe me that I never went out of our own +grounds after night before alone, and I never will, if I live for a +hundred years."</p> + +<p>"Pray do not make rash promises. I only claim obedience to my wishes +until you are of age. I will accept your word until that date, and shall +not go in search of you along the Mill Road, or any other disreputable +portion of the town again. Your mother's daughter can be trusted."</p> + +<p>I tried to withdraw my hand, in order to escape with my tear-stained face +to my own room, quite forgetting the parcel I had come down the stairway +for.</p> + +<p>"We start for New York this afternoon. Mrs. Flaxman accompanies us. She +will be congenial society for you, having been a widow for nearly a score +of years."</p> + +<p>"I do not care particularly for widows. It is the poor and desolate I +pity."</p> + +<p>"Well, here is the first instalment of widows' money. I give it to you +quarterly, purely from benevolent motives."</p> + +<p>"Why so?" I asked, curiously.</p> + +<p>"If you received it all at once Mill Road would be resplendent with crape +and cheap jewelry."</p> + +<p>"I suppose I must thank you," I said, hotly; "but the manner of the +giving takes away all the grace of the gift."</p> + +<p>"You express yourself a trifle obscurely, but I think I comprehend your +meaning," he said, without change of voice. If I could have seen his eyes +flash, or his imperturbable calm disturbed, my own anger would have been +less keen.</p> + +<p>"May I go now?" I presently asked, quite subdued; for he had fallen into +a brown study, and was still holding my hand.</p> + +<p>"Yes, I had forgotten," he said, turning away, and a moment after entered +the library and shut the door. I went in search of Mrs. Flaxman, whom I +found still in the breakfast-room, and in a rather nervous condition, +busy about the china, which she rarely permitted the servant to wash.</p> + +<p>"Shall we stay long in New York?" I asked, very cheerfully, the fifty +dollars I held in my hand, and the easy way I had got off with Mr. +Winthrop, making me quite elated.</p> + +<p>"One can never tell. Mr. Winthrop is very uncertain; we may return in a +day or two, or we may stay a fortnight."</p> + +<p>"You are not anxious to go?" I questioned, seeing her troubled face.</p> + +<p>"Not just now, in the height of the pickling and preserving season. +Reynolds has excellent judgment, but I prefer looking after such things +myself."</p> + +<p>She looked wistfully at me while she dried her china. "May I help you, +Mrs. Flaxman? It never occurred to me before that I might share your +burdens. I should learn to have cares, as well as others."</p> + +<p>"I always like to have you with me, dear. Sometimes I try to make myself +believe God has given you to me, instead of my own little Medoline."</p> + +<p>"Had you a daughter once?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; and, like yourself, named after your own dear mother."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, and you never told me. Was she grown up like me?"</p> + +<p>"She was only six years old when she died, just a month after her father; +but the greater grief benumbed me so I scarce realized my second loss +until months afterward."</p> + +<p>"Is it so terrible, then, to lose one's husband?"</p> + +<p>"It depends greatly on the husband."</p> + +<p>"The widow Larkum cries constantly after hers, but he was bread-winner, +too. A hungry grief must be a double one."</p> + +<p>"Did Mr. Winthrop say anything further to you about being out last +night?"</p> + +<p>"A little," I replied, with scarlet cheeks; "but he will never do so +again. I shall not give him cause to reprove me."</p> + +<p>"That is the most lady-like course. You are no longer a little girl, or a +school-girl either."</p> + +<p>I wiped my plates in silence, but my mortification was none the less +intense. I realized then, more keenly than ever, that I must preserve the +proprieties, and confine myself to the restrictions of polite society. +The breezy, unconventional freedom Mrs. Flaxman had for those few months +permitted me had been so keenly enjoyed. I fretted uneasily at the forms, +and ceremonies of artificial life, while the aboriginal instincts, which +every free heart hides away somewhere in its depths, had been permitted +too full development.</p> + +<p>The china cleansed, and put away, I stood surveying the shining pieces +that comprised our breakfast equipage, and like the tired clock in the +fable, thought wearily of the many hundred times Mrs. Flaxman had washed +those dishes; of the many thousand times they, or others, would go +through the same operation, until Mrs. Winthrop's sands of time had all +run out, and Oaklands gone to decay, or passed into other hands.</p> + +<p>"Isn't it tiresome work washing dishes—the same yesterday, to-day and +fifty years hence? I wish I had been created a man; they don't have such +sameness in their work."</p> + +<p>"Are you sure, dear? Fancy a bookkeeper's lot, or a clerk's reckoning up +columns of figures so like there is not a particle of variety; not a new +or thrilling idea in all their round of work from January to December, +unless we except a column that won't come right. That may have a thrill +in it now and then, but certainly not a joyous one. After we return from +New York, if you pay attention to a clerk's work in the stores we visit, +you will acknowledge a lady's household tasks delightful in comparison. +The farmer's life has the most variety, and comes nearest to elementary +things and nature's great throbbing vitals; but as a rule they are a +dissatisfied lot, and unreasonably so, I think."</p> + +<p>"Come to look at things generally, it's a very unsatisfactory sort of +world, anyway. I think it's affairs might just as well get wound up as +not. There have been plenty of one variety of beings created, I should +think, to fill up lots of room in the starry spaces, and there are so +many to suffer forever."</p> + +<p>"It is hardly reverent, dear, for us to criticise God's plans. It is His +world, and we are His creatures; and we may all be happy in Him here, and +there be happy with Him forever. Besides, life does not seem monotonous +when we are doing His will."</p> + +<p>"But I know so few who are doing His will save you, and that poor blind +Mr. Bowen. I read my Bible every day, and sometimes I get thinking over +its words, and I reckon there will only be one here and there fit to +enter Heaven. All our friends nearly would be terribly out of place to be +suddenly transplanted to the Heavenly gardens. What could they talk about +to the shining ones? The fashions, and social gossips, and fancy work and +amusements would all be tabooed subjects there, I expect."</p> + +<p>"You do not know many people yet. I thank God there are thousands longing +to serve Him. I think, dear, you must have a touch of dyspepsia this +morning; your thoughts are so morbid."</p> + +<p>"Oh no, indeed; I am quite well. But shall we see any of those people you +describe in New York?"</p> + +<p>"If we stay long enough, doubtless we shall. I have a few rare friends +there whose friendship often gives me the feeling of possessing unlimited +riches."</p> + +<p>"I wish I had such friends," I exclaimed, with sudden longing. "You and +the Mill Road folk are the only ones I have on this side the ocean, and +the most I care much for on the other already think in another language +from mine."</p> + +<p>"Yours will not be a friendless life, I feel certain. I see elements in +your impulsive nature that must attract those who love the true and +unselfish."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, what a delicious compliment to give me, just when I +was most discouraged about myself! Mr. Winthrop finds me such a nuisance, +and all your pretty and elegant lady friends I know care so little for me +that I can't but believe that I am a poor specimen, although you speak so +kindly."</p> + +<p>"You will be wise to learn the art of not thinking much about your +merits. I find these the happiest lives who live most outside of self; +and they are the most helpful to others."</p> + +<p>"But we have mainly to do with ourselves. How can we help wondering if +our particular barque on the voyage of life is to be a success or not?"</p> + +<p>"It lies with ourselves whether it is or no."</p> + +<p>"But persons like Mrs. Larkum and the Blakes, how can they have a +successful voyage, when they are so poor and lowly?"</p> + +<p>"You must get the thought out of your mind that being poor and humble +makes any difference in God's sight. When Christ visited our planet his +position was as lowly as the Blakes; his purse as empty as the widow +Larkum's. We are such slow creatures to learn that character itself is +the only greatness in God's sight. Our ancestry and rent roll are the +small dust of the balance with Him."</p> + +<p>"But Mr. Winthrop thinks most of those things—the ancestry and wealth."</p> + +<p>"We must not sit in judgment on any one's thoughts, and we must not take +any man's gauge of character in the abstract as the correct one; only +take the word of God."</p> + +<p>I went out into the sunshine to think over Mrs. Flaxman's little lecture; +a good deal comforted with the reflection that Mrs. Blake might have more +weight in the balances of Heaven than I had thought. The garden was +looking very shabby—its splendid midsummer glory had only a few flowers +left to show what had been there, and these only the thick-petaled, +substantial blossoms as free from perfume as the products of the +vegetable garden. I grew melancholy. A premonition of my own sure coming +autumn season, towards the end of life, was forecasting its cold shadow +over the intervening years which made the November sunshine grow dim; and +I gladly re-entered the house. I went very meekly to the library-door and +tapped. Quite a long pause, and then I heard my guardian's study door +which opened into the library, shut; and a second after he stood before +me. I thought he gave me a surprised glance, since it was only the second +time I had come into his presence there unsummoned.</p> + +<p>"May I take some of the money you gave me this morning to Mrs. Larkum, +before I leave for New York?"</p> + +<p>"If you have time. Usually it takes ladies some hours to prepare for a +journey such as you have before you to-day."</p> + +<p>"I am sorry to say I am not a regulation lady. I can get ready in half an +hour."</p> + +<p>"That is a quality in your sex that will cover a multitude of sins."</p> + +<p>"I am glad you have at last found something good in me," I said, +sorrowfully.</p> + +<p>"You must not personally apply every generalization your friends may make +in their conversation."</p> + +<p>"Then you give me permission to go?"</p> + +<p>"It strikes me you are rushing to the other extreme. I have never +interfered with your rambles, except at unseemly hours. Mill Road at +mid-day is quite safe for the most unconventional young lady in +Cavendish."</p> + +<p>I bowed my thanks, and turning away heard the library door shut. I could +fancy the expression on my guardian's face as he returned to his books. +But, as I put on my wraps, my heart grew lighter although Mr. Winthrop's +last observation made me wince. I took a crisp ten dollar bill. Surely, I +reflected, that could not be a dangerous sum to entrust the widow with, +considering that she had a helpless father, and half-clad children to +look after. I took the kitchen on my way and begged a generous slice of +meat from the cook to carry to Tiger.</p> + +<p>"Most like they'll have their own dinner off it first; they'll think +it a sin to give such meat to a dog," I heard her mutter as I left the +kitchen. On my way I met Emily Fleming and Belle Wallace. They laughingly +inquired where I was going with my bundles; but I assured them it was an +errand of mercy, and could not therefore be explained. Miss Emily's plump +features and bright black eyes took a slightly contemptuous expression as +she assured us I was rapidly developing into a Sister of Charity.</p> + +<p>"Better be that than an idler altogether like the rest of us," the more +gentle natured Belle responded.</p> + +<p>"If you are getting into a controversy I will continue my journey," I +said, nodding them a pleasant good morning and going cheerfully on my +way, thinking of Tiger's prospective gratification, coupled with that of +the widow Larkums.</p> + +<p>Going first to the Blakes, I found Tiger stretched out on the doorstep. +He wagged his tail appreciatively, but did not growl as I stroked his +shaggy coat.</p> + +<p>Examining him by daylight, I saw that he was a fine specimen of his +species. Daniel explained to me afterward that he was a cross between a +St. Bernard and Newfoundland—a royal ancestry, truly, for any canine, +and unlike human off-shoots from the best genealogical trees, quite sure +of inheriting the finest qualities of his ancestors. I went into the +house, the dog limping after me. Mrs. Blake heard my voice and came in in +some alarm. She looked surprised to see me sitting by the table with +Tiger's massive head in my lap, while I unrolled the meat. She also stood +watching, and when the juicy steak was revealed, her own eyes brightened +as well as Tiger's. "I haven't seen such a piece of meat in many a day. +It minds me so of Oaklands."</p> + +<p>"I got it from cook for Tiger," I explained. "It is clean—perhaps you +would like a few slices off it."</p> + +<p>"I would, indeed. Its a shame to give a brute such victuals."</p> + +<p>"Poor Tiger, he deserves something good, after the way he was punished on +my account." She brought a knife and plate saying: "We can share wi' each +other; I don't want to rob even a dog of his rights." I turned the meat +over and found a bone which I cut off and gave him, and then, giving the +remainder to her to put out of Tiger's way, I stipulated that he was to +have all the scraps that were left. Then I informed her of my gift from +Mr. Winthrop, or rather loan, and of the sum I purposed giving Mrs. +Larkum.</p> + +<p>"Did Mr. Winthrop give you all that money for poor folks?" she asked +incredulously.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Well, I've heard he never give anything except through the town council. +I've heard he was uncommon free in that way. But, laws! I reckoned the +first time I seen you that you'd be able afore long to wind him around +your finger. Fine manners and a handsome face, with a good heart, soon +thaws out a bachelor heart."</p> + +<p>"You were never more mistaken in your life, Mrs. Blake."</p> + +<p>"May be so," she said, as if quite unconvinced.</p> + +<p>I turned the conversation rather abruptly:—</p> + +<p>"Will ten dollars be too much to entrust Mrs. Larkum with at once?"</p> + +<p>"Dear heart, you might give her fifty, if you had it. She'd be jest as +saving of it as—well as I'd be myself, and I call myself next door to +stingy."</p> + +<p>"I am so glad; one likes to know the most will be made of what they +give."</p> + +<p>"If you don't mind, I'll put on my shawl and go with you."</p> + +<p>"I was going to ask you to do so."</p> + +<p>"I'll jest set on the pot for Dan'el's dinner first. Twelve o'clock soon +comes these short days." Mrs. Blake threw a faded woolen shawl over her +head, and taking a short path across the field we started for Mrs. +Larkum's, Tiger limping after us.</p> + +<p>I thought Mrs. Blake's snug kitchen quite a nest of comfort after I had +taken a survey of the Larkum's abode.</p> + +<p>One roughly plastered room with two little closets at one side for +bedrooms had to serve for home for five souls.</p> + +<p>I felt a curious, smothered sensation at first, as I looked on the +desolate surroundings—the pale, sad-faced mother, the blind grandfather, +and ragged children. A dull fire was smouldering in the cooking stove, +and beside it sat the grandfather, the baby on his knee, vainly trying to +extract consolation from its own puny fist. As I looked at him closely I +saw that Mr. Bowen had an unusually fine face—not old looking, but +strangely subdued, and chastened. I fancied from his countenance, at once +serene and noble, that he had beautiful thoughts there in the darkness +and poverty of his surroundings. Mrs. Larkum was mending a child's torn +frock, her eyes as red and swollen as ever. Her face brightened, however, +when we went in. Mrs. Blake assured me afterward it would be better than +medicine to them having one of the quality sit down in their house, I +took the baby from its grandfather, and soon the little one was cooing +contentedly in my arms, getting its fingers and face nicely smeared with +the candies I had brought it. I divided the supply with the two other +little ones—the eldest going direct to his grandfather, and dividing his +share with him. I noticed that the gift was thankfully received, but +placed securely in his pocket; no doubt to be brought out a little later, +and divided with the others. I glanced at the blind man's clothing. Clean +it certainly was; in this respect corresponding with everything I saw in +the house; but oh, so sadly darned, and threadbare. Still, he seemed like +a gentleman, and I fancied he shrank painfully within himself as if one's +presence made him ill at ease. I resolved to say very little to him on +this first visit, but later on try to find the key to his heart. I +contented myself with the use of my eyes, and playing with the baby, +leaving the two widows to indulge in a few sighs and tears together. My +own tears do not come very readily, and it makes me feel cold hearted to +sit dry-eyed while other eyes are wet. As I sat quietly absorbing the +spirit of the place, my eyes rested on a shelf containing the few cheap +dishes that served their daily food. Instantly the desolate fancies I had +a few hours before indulged came forcibly to mind. I thought what would +it be to cleanse the remains of meagre repasts from these coarse cups, +and plates, through days and years, with no glad hopes or joyous fancies +to lighten the toil! I was growing desolate hearted myself, and concluded +my widowed friend had sighed and wept long enough; so returning the +little charge to its grandfather, I went to Mrs. Larkum's side, and +slipped the note into her hand, at the same time saying good-bye, and +motioned to Mrs. Blake to come home. She arose very reluctantly, being +unwilling to miss her friend's surprise and satisfaction. I too was +constrained to look at her as she unfolded the note. A flush swept over +her face as she saw the number, and handing it back to me, she said:—</p> + +<p>"You have made a mistake, and given me the wrong bill."</p> + +<p>"Oh no, indeed. I got it on purpose for you."</p> + +<p>"But it is ten dollars. Surely you did not mean that."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Blake said you would know how to lay out fifty very wisely," I +said, with, a smile.</p> + +<p>Her tears, always so convenient, began to flow afresh. Turning to her +father she said with a sob, "Father, your prayers are getting answered. +The Lord, I believe, will provide."</p> + +<p>I saw him gather the baby close to his heart, and then with a gesture of +self command he seemed with difficulty to restrain his own emotion. "The +Lord reward the giver," he murmured in a low voice; but some way it gave +me the feeling that I had suddenly received some precious gift.</p> + +<p>"When that is gone I shall have some more for you," I promised.</p> + +<p>"Oh, before all this is used up, I must try to get earning myself. But +this, with all those vegetables you gave me yesterday, will give me +such a start. I will buy a whole barrel of flour, it spends so much +better—and get some coals laid in for winter. They are the heaviest +expense."</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said, impulsively, "and flannels for the children. It will be so +much better than crape."</p> + +<p>"Crape!" she ejaculated. "I don't need crape for my husband. I have too +much mourning in my heart to put any on outside."</p> + +<p>I meant some day, when I felt pretty courageous, to repeat her words to +Mr. Winthrop. Once outside, I found the glorious expansion of sky and +horizon very grateful after the narrow limits of the little cottage. At +luncheon Mr. Winthrop asked if I had paid my visit yet to Mill Road. I +acknowledged, with a slight crimsoning of cheek, that I had conveyed to +Mrs. Larkum a small sum of money.</p> + +<p>"No doubt she will have a crape weeper as long as the widow Blake's."</p> + +<p>"I did not think you noticed the trivialities of women's attire so +minutely."</p> + +<p>"I do not as a rule; but in the case of your intimate friends, it is +natural I should endeavor to discover their especial charms."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Larkum said she was going to lay out the money I gave her chiefly +in flour and coals. I suggested flannel would be much better also to buy +than crape. She said she had no need to put on mourning; she already wore +it in her heart."</p> + +<p>"She is a very sensible woman," my guardian replied.</p> + +<p>Then I described, as minutely as I could and with all the pathos I could +command, the grim surroundings of this poor family—the grandfather, with +his serene, sightless face and strangely deep trust in Providence; the +clean, but faded, worn garments they all had on—not one of them, +apparently, possessed of a decent suit of clothes; and then their horror +of help from the town. Mrs. Flaxman wiped her eyes sympathetically when I +repeated the grateful words my gift had evoked, and said with trembling +voice: "It just seems as if the Lord sent you there, Medoline."</p> + +<p>"Do you think the Ruler of this vast universe has leisure or inclination +to turn his gaze on such trivialities? No doubt suns and systems are +still being sent out completed on their limitless circles. To conceive +their Creator turning from such high efforts to send Medoline with a ten +dollar bill to the Larkums, to my mind borders on profanity," Mr. +Winthrop said, with evident disgust.</p> + +<p>"The infinitely great and infinitely small alike receive His care. +Perhaps it required stronger power from God to make you give me the money +and then to make me willing to carry it to them, than it does to create a +whole cluster of suns and planets. I think our wills limit God's power +more than anything he ever created, except Satan and his angels."</p> + +<p>"You are quite a full-fledged theologian, little one. I am surprised you +do not engage more heartily in home mission work."</p> + +<p>"I must first learn to show more patience at home."</p> + +<p>He did not make any reply; but as we were speeding on our way that +afternoon in the cars, he came to my side and handed me a small roll of +bills.</p> + +<p>"Would you like to buy that widower friend of yours a warm suit of +clothes for the winter? Mrs. Flaxman will show you a suitable furnishing +establishment. Philanthropists must do all sorts of things, as you will +find."</p> + +<p>"You are very kind after all, Mr. Winthrop. I wish I could tell you how +grateful I am. Please forgive all my rude speeches—I hope I will never +get provoked with you again."</p> + +<p>"I most certainly hope you will. A little spice adds greatly to the +flavor of one's daily food."</p> + +<p>He walked away; and first counting my gift, I found, to my surprise, that +it amounted to fifty dollars. I opened my little velvet satchel—my +traveling companion for many a weary mile—and laid it safely in one of +the pockets. I had plenty of leisure that afternoon for fancy to paint +all sorts of pictures. Mr. Winthrop was at the farther end of the car, +with a group of friends he had met; and Mrs. Flaxman, a nervous traveler +at the best, was trying to forget the discomforts of travel as she sat +with her easy-chair wheeled into a sheltered corner, sleeping as much as +possible. I watched the rapidly disappearing views from my windows, some +of them causing pleasant thoughts, and sometimes re-touching memories so +remote they seemed like experiences of another existence, which my soul +had known before it came under its present limitations. There were +cottages that we flew past, reminding me of the Larkum abode; these I +kept wearily peopling with white, sightless faces, and hungry, sad-faced +women and children.</p> + +<p>When at last my own thoughts were beginning to consume me, Mr. Winthrop +came and sat near me.</p> + +<p>"Is a journey in the cars equal to an hour spent with your widows?" he +asked.</p> + +<p>"I have enjoyed the drive. One sees so much that is new, and is food for +thought, only the mind gets wearied with such swift variety."</p> + +<p>He was silent for some time, then, with a complete change of topic he +said,</p> + +<p>"I have been glad to hear you practicing so industriously on the piano. +Some day you may have a more appreciative audience than Mrs. Flaxman +and myself."</p> + +<p>"It has helped to occupy my time. I do not know that much else has been +accomplished."</p> + +<p>"That is not a very wise reason for so occupying your time."</p> + +<p>"One must get through it some way. In pleasant weather, getting +acquainted with nature, in field and garden and by the seashore, was my +favorite pastime."</p> + +<p>"It is an indolent way to seek the acquaintance of so profound a +mistress:—merely sunning one's self under the trees, or listening to the +monotonous voice of the sea, sitting on the rocks."</p> + +<p>"In what better way could I discover her secrets?"</p> + +<p>"Following in the steps of those who have made her in her varying forms a +life long study, and who have embalmed their discoveries in books."</p> + +<p>"But I am young yet, and I need first to discover if I have tastes for +such pursuits."</p> + +<p>"A youthful Methusaleh might make that objection; but your years are too +few to pause while making a selection."</p> + +<p>"At first when I came to Oaklands, I was perplexed to know how the long +days and years were to be occupied."</p> + +<p>"Have you since then found for yourself a career?"</p> + +<p>"I am finding an abundance of work, if I only am willing to do it."</p> + +<p>"You must not get so absorbed in deeds of charity that you forget the +duties belonging to yourself and position. Oaklands may not always be +your home, with its pastoral enjoyments. You should endeavor to fit +yourself for wider and higher spheres of action."</p> + +<p>"In the meantime, however, my life must be got through some way. If I can +help others to be happier, surely my time cannot be quite wasted; and I +may the easier render my final account."</p> + +<p>"Ah, that's a perplexing question—our final settlement for the deeds of +this life."</p> + +<p>I looked my surprise at his tone of voice.</p> + +<p>"You have not learned yet, Medoline, to doubt. Very well, never begin. +It's horrible having no sure anchor to hold by when death forces one into +unknown oceans, or shipwrecks with annihilation."</p> + +<p>"Death never can do that, if we trust in Christ, who turned our last +enemy into a blessed angel."</p> + +<p>"Your faith is very beautiful, and is, no doubt, sufficient for your +utmost intellectual needs; and by all means hold to it as you would to +your life."</p> + +<p>"I think it is the same that St. Paul, and Martin Luther, and John +Milton, and a thousand, yes a million other noblest intellects, held +firmly. Surely it will serve for me."</p> + +<p>"You are satisfied, then, to think with the crowd?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, until something more reasonable is given me than God's word and +revealed religion. But, Mr. Winthrop, I am only a heard believer. I am +not a Christian, really."</p> + +<p>"If I believed the Bible as you do, I would not risk my soul one half +hour without complying with every command of the Scriptures. You who so +firmly believe, and yet live without the change of heart imperatively +demanded by the Bible, are the most foolhardy beings probably in the +entire universe."</p> + +<p>"Are we any more foolish than those who dare to doubt with the same +evidence that we possess?"</p> + +<p>"Possibly not; but I think you are."</p> + +<p>I was silent; for there came to me a sudden consciousness that Mr. +Winthrop was right. I had no doubts about the great truths of our +religion; and what excuse then could I offer for not accepting them to +the very utmost of my human need?</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h2> + +<h3>CITY LIFE.</h3> + + +<p>In the late evening the lights from the restless, crowded city began to +twinkle in the distance, and shortly another living freight was borne +safely within its shelter. Mr. Winthrop had met a friend who came into +the car, a station or two back, and had grown so absorbed in conversation +that he paid no heed to the people hurrying out into the night. Mrs. +Flaxman was aroused by the commotion and glanced around uneasily, but did +not like to interrupt Mr. Winthrop's eager conversation. Besides, she +comforted herself with the belief that our train would probably lay in +New York for the night. At last Mr. Winthrop came to escort us out. "I +believe we have no time to spare. I did not notice that we had reached +our terminus."</p> + +<p>"It is no use denying the fact; men are greater talkers than women," I +remarked seriously.</p> + +<p>"Why so?" he asked, pausing with satchel suspended, awaiting my answer.</p> + +<p>"Why, no two women on the continent would get so absorbed in each other +as to forget they had reached their journey's end, and had need to be in +a hurry."</p> + +<p>"Probably not; their topics would be too trivial to claim so much +attention."</p> + +<p>I found the reply unanswerable, and hastened after Mrs. Flaxman, who +was already out of sight. When we reached the door the cars were in +motion.—"What shall we do?" I cried, anxiously. "I could never get off +while the cars were moving." I caught a glimpse of Mrs. Flaxman's scared +face as we went past.</p> + +<p>"Leave me and go to Mrs. Flaxman. A man can jump easily, I am sure," I +pleaded, finding that we were moving out of the station, and actually on +the road again.</p> + +<p>"And what will you do?" he asked very calmly.</p> + +<p>"I have plenty of money in my pocket, and can pay my way back by the next +train," I said, hurriedly.</p> + +<p>"You would travel alone at midnight to save Mrs. Flaxman a trifling +anxiety?"</p> + +<p>"I won't be frightened, and she will be so worried there, all alone among +strangers," I pleaded.</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Flaxman knows our hotel. She will be safe when she reaches there, +which will be in a few minutes now. So you need not be troubled about +her. I shall not leave you," he said, decidedly.</p> + +<p>We went back into the car, which was nearly empty; but, some way, I felt +as content and safe as if we had joined Mrs. Flaxman at the hotel. Mr. +Winthrop sat near, but he did not seem in a mood just then for +conversation. I think he felt chagrined at his carelessness, but I was +wicked enough to enjoy it. I leaned my head back against my easy-chair +and furtively watched my guardian, as he sat writing in a large blank +book which he took from his pocket after awhile. I had never before had +such opportunity to study, in repose, the strong, intellectual face. As +I watched the varying moods of his mind, while he thought and wrote, it +reminded me of cloud-swept meadows on a summer's day—the sunshine +succeeding the shadow. I fancied that the mask which conceals the +workings of the spirit life became partly transparent and luminous, and I +seemed to see poetic fancy and noble thoughts weaving their wondrous webs +back somewhere in the fastnesses of the soul. And then I glanced around +at the other occupants of the car; and, fancy being alert, all their +faces reminded me of so many masks, with the real individual sheltered +behind in its own secure fastness, and all the while industriously +weaving the web of life; always vigilant, ever throwing the shuttle; +whether wisely or foolishly, only the resultant action could determine. +But the faces grew indistinct; the steady movement back and forth of the +writer's hand no longer interested me, for I was asleep. I do not know +how long I had slept. My hat had slipped to the floor; my heavy coils of +hair, usually difficult to keep in proper control, had unloosened by the +constant motion of the car and fallen in heavy rings about my shoulders. +I opened my eyes suddenly to find that my guardian had put away his +writing, and was standing near, regarding me, I fancied, with a look +of displeasure.</p> + +<p>"I did not mean to fall asleep," I faltered, while I quickly coiled up my +hair, and put on my hat.</p> + +<p>"It is my fault you slept in this public place. I had forgotten about +you."</p> + +<p>I looked at him with an admiration almost amounting to awe, thinking how +engrossed he must have become in his own thoughts to have forgotten me so +perfectly; and then I speculated on the irony of fate in placing one so +unconventional as I under the care of a man so exceedingly fastidious.</p> + +<p>I was standing beside him. In my excitement, when awakening, I had +started to my feet, but with difficulty maintained my position; for my +head was dizzy with the sudden start from sound sleep, together with the +unaccustomed hour for traveling. Glancing at my watch, I saw that it was +past midnight. I think Mr. Winthrop noticed my weariness, for he said, +rather grimly:</p> + +<p>"It is too bad, having you out late two nights in succession."</p> + +<p>I remembered his gift for Mr. Bowen, and was silent.</p> + +<p>"At the next station we will be able to change cars for New York. The +conductor tells me we shall only be compelled to wait a short time."</p> + +<p>"I will rest then until we get there," I said, no doubt very wearily, for +I felt not only dizzy, but slightly faint, and sank into my chair. He +looked down at me, and then said, in more gentle fashion than he had ever +before addressed me:</p> + +<p>"I am very sorry, Medoline, to have caused you so much needless fatigue."</p> + +<p>I quite forgot my weariness then. It was so comforting to know he could +acknowledge regret for anything, and that his heart was not made of +flint, as, unconfessed to myself, I had partly imagined.</p> + +<p>I looked up brightly. "I do not know if I am not rather glad than sorry +that we have shown ourselves such forgetful travelers. It will be +something unusual to remember."</p> + +<p>"That is a very kindly way to look on my forgetfulness—rather, I should +say, stupidity." He sat down then, and the short remaining distance we +passed in silence.</p> + +<p>We were both very prompt in responding to the summons given by the +conductor when our station was reached. The waiting-room was well lighted +and warmed, and a welcome odor of food pervaded the air. I resolved to +make a little foray on my own account, to secure, if possible, a bit of +luncheon; but, after seeing me comfortably seated by a hot stove, Mr. +Winthrop left, only to return in a few moments with the welcome +announcement that refreshments were awaiting us. I expressed my surprise +that food should be in readiness at that unseasonable hour.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I telegraphed an hour ago to have it prepared," he replied.</p> + +<p>"Then I was sleeping a good while," I said, ruefully.</p> + +<p>"An hour or two. I only wakened you in time to collect yourself for +changing cars."</p> + +<p>"And you have not slept at all?"</p> + +<p>"Scarcely. I do not permit myself that luxury in public."</p> + +<p>I was silenced, but not so far crushed as to lose my appetite. A cup of +tea, such as Mrs. Flaxman never brewed for me, effectually banished sleep +for the rest of the night. The journey back was tiresome, the car +crowded, and the long night seemed interminable. I was wedged in beside a +stout old gentleman, whose breath was disagreeably suggestive of stale +brandy, while a wheezy cough disturbed him as well as myself. He looked +well to do, and was inclined to be friendly; but his eyes had a peculiar +expression that repelled me. Mr. Winthrop had got a seat some distance +behind me. By twisting my neck uncomfortably, I could get a reassuring +glimpse of his broad shoulders and handsome face. At last he came to +me. I half rose, for my aged companion was making me nervous with his +anxiety for my comfort.</p> + +<p>"We will go into the next car; it may not be so crowded," he said, taking +my satchel. Fortunately we found a vacant seat; and I began to feel very +safe and content with him again at my side.</p> + +<p>"I do not think your late traveling companion could have been a widower, +or you would not have been so eager to get away. The look of appeal on +your face, when I got an occasional glimpse of it, was enough to melt +one's heart."</p> + +<p>I laughed in spite of myself. "It never occurred to me to ask, but he +certainly is not a woman hater," I said, with a flush, as I mentally +recalled some of his gracious remarks. I made my replies in brief and +stately dignity; or at least as much of the latter as I could command, +but he was not easily repulsed. Feeling so secure and sheltered now, my +thoughts went out to the unprotected of my sex cast among the evil and +heartless, to fight their way purely amid bleakness and sin. I shuddered +unconsciously. Mr. Winthrop turned to me.</p> + +<p>"Are you cold?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, I was only thinking," I stammered.</p> + +<p>"I would cease thinking if the thoughts were so blood-curdling. May I ask +what they were?"</p> + +<p>"I was pitying poor girls who have to make their way alone in this wicked +world."</p> + +<p>He was silent for some time, and then said gravely: "Your instincts are +very keen. That gray-haired gentleman happens to be a person I know +something about, and his very presence is enough to contaminate."</p> + +<p>I was amazed that he so easily understood my meaning. The sun was +reddening the sky, which seemed so pure and still compared with the +sinful, noisy city that, for an instant, a homesick longing seized me to +escape to its clear, beautiful depths. When we reached the hotel I was +cold, and feeling very cheerless; but a comfortable looking maid, not +half so overwhelming as our Esmerelda, conducted me to a pleasant room, +and soon had a bright fire burning, and a cozy breakfast spread on a +little table just in front of the grate. I was not hungry, but I took the +cup of hot chocolate Mr. Winthrop had ordered, and nibbled a bit of +toast; and then, drawing an easy-chair in front of the fire, soon fell +into a luxurious sleep, from which I did not waken for several hours. The +maid came in occasionally to replenish the fire, but her light movements +did not disturb me. Afterward I found the hotel was not a public one, but +a private affair, patronized mainly by a number of old families whose +parents and children had come and gone for nearly half a century. The +room I occupied, Mrs. Flaxman told me, was the very one my own dear +mother had occupied as a bride; and hence Mr. Winthrop had secured it for +me. It was the best in the house, I found later on. That evening, after +I had wakened refreshed, and eager to see and hear all that was possible +in this new wonderland, Mrs. Flaxman, still a little nervous after her +journey and anxiety on my account, came and sat with me; and to atone +for keeping me in the house, told me stories of that beautiful, far-away +time when she had seen my mother in that same room in the first joy of +wifehood, and described my father as the proud, happy bridegroom, gazing +with more than a lover's fondness on the beautiful girl who had left all +for him, and yet in the renunciation had found no sacrifice. She +described the rich silken gown with its rare, old lace, and the diamonds +she wore at her first party in New York. "Mr. Winthrop has them, your +mother's diamonds and all her jewelry. In being an only child like +yourself, she inherited all her own mother's. They are all safely stored +at his bankers, and I think he means to give them to you soon, or at +least a part of them."</p> + +<p>"I did not know I had any except what I brought with me from school," I +said, with a shade of regret to be so long in ignorance of such a +pleasant fact. Mrs. Flaxman smiled as she asked:</p> + +<p>"Did you never hear your schoolmates talk of the family plate and +jewelry?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes; there were a few stupid ones who had very little brains to be +proud of; so they used to try and make up for the lack by telling us +about such things; but we reckoned a good essay writer worth a good deal +more than these plate owners."</p> + +<p>"There must have been great changes since I was at school. I believe the +rising generation is developing a nobler ambition than their predecessors +possessed."</p> + +<p>"I should hope so," I said, with girlish scorn; "as if such mere +accidents as birth and the ownership of plate and jewelry could give one +higher rank than intellect. Why, I believe that is the scarcest thing in +all the universe."</p> + +<p>"It does seem ridiculous," Mrs. Flaxman said reflectively, "but it is +hard escaping from the spirit of the age in which we live. It would be +easy to hold such things lightly in those heroic days in Greece when +Lycurgus cheapened the gold and things the masses held most precious."</p> + +<p>"One can have a little republic in their own soul as well as Lycurgus, +and indulge unforced in high thinking. I think that would be really more +creditable than if every one agreed to do so by act of senate."</p> + +<p>"It would be a grand thing for every one to get the dross all burned away +from their nature and only have the pure gold left."</p> + +<p>"Don't you think, Mrs. Flaxman, with a good many people, after the +burning process, there would be so little left it would take a whole +flock of them to make a decent sized individual?"</p> + +<p>She laughed softly. "I never thought of it in that way. I am afraid now +I will get to undressing my acquaintances, to try and find out how much +that will be fit to take into higher existences they have in their +composition."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop is a very uncomfortable sort of person to live with, but I +think he will have more noble qualities to carry somewhere after death +than the average of my acquaintances. What a pity it is for such splendid +powers of mind to be lost! He has the materials in him to make a grand +angel."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman looked up quickly.</p> + +<p>"You cannot think it is his ultimate destiny to be lost?" she questioned.</p> + +<p>"He doesn't believe in the Bible. What hope can he have that we will ever +get to heaven?"</p> + +<p>"A multitude of prayers are piled between him and perdition. His mother +was a saintly character, whose dying breath was a prayer for him; and +there are others who have taken his case daily to the mercy seat for +years."</p> + +<p>"I wish I had some one to pray for me," I said rather fretfully.</p> + +<p>"My dear, I do not know any one who has more leisure to pray for +themselves than you have."</p> + +<p>I was surprised to hear her speak so lightly on such a solemn subject; +but as I thought the matter over afterward, I could but acknowledge that +she had answered me just as I deserved.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h2> + +<h3>NEW ACQUAINTANCES.</h3> + + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman's fears were realized. She was detained from her pickles and +preserves for over a fortnight; but the days spent then in the city were +an entirely new revelation of life to me. Mr. Winthrop had a circle of +literary friends, who seemed determined to make his stay so pleasant +that he would not be in a hurry to return to the solitude of Oaklands. +When I saw his keen enjoyment of their society, and the many varied +privileges he had in that brief period—musical, artistic, and literary, +I was filled with surprise that he should make his home at Oaklands at +all, and expressed my wonder to Mrs. Flaxman.</p> + +<p>"Oh, he often goes away—sometimes to Europe, and sometimes to the great +American centres of thought and life; then he comes home apparently glad +of its quiet and freedom from interruption. I think he uses up all the +raw experiences and ideas he gets when away."</p> + +<p>I thought her reply over, and wondered if it was the usual habit of +literary people to go out on those foraging expeditions and bring back +material to be used up in weeks of solitude. We were either out among +friends, at concerts, lectures, evening gatherings, or else receiving Mr. +Winthrop's particular friends at our hotel, every evening. I enjoyed +those evenings at home, I think, the very best of all. We sat late, +supper being served about midnight—a plain, sensible repast that, with +a man of Mr. Winthrop's means, might certainly betoken high thinking. +However, the intellectual repast served to us reminded me of the feasts +of the gods, or even better, in old Homeric times. There were condensed +thoughts that often kept me puzzling over their meanings long after their +words had died on the air. Mrs. Flaxman sat, a mostly silent listener, +but in no wise showing weariness at the lateness of the hour, or mental +strain imposed in following such abstract lines of thought. I too +listened silently, save in reply to some direct remark, but with pained, +growing thoughts, that often left me utterly weary when the little +company dispersed. I would often stop listening and fall into vague, +hopeless speculations as to the number of centuries that must elapse +before I could overtake them. Saddest fancy of all was that my powers +might be too limited even to do this. Our daylight hours were, in great +measure, passed in making and receiving calls from Mrs. Flaxman's +friends, who seemed very quick to find out she was there, and in visiting +the huge dressmaking and dry goods establishments which she patronized. I +found it quite difficult, at times, to reconcile the fact that those we +met by day were, in the main, created in the same mental likeness as +those I listened to with such admiration in the evening. I used to close +my eyes at times and fancy the old heathen, mythology to be true, and +that the gods were actually revisiting the earth, and bringing with them +the high conceptions from Olympus, I was able more clearly than ever to +recognize how high were Mr. Winthrop's ideals, so far as this world goes, +of human excellence and, with deepest humiliation, remembered how far I +must have come short of his lowest standards. I went to Mrs. Flaxman with +this new and painful discovery, and as usual, she brought her +consolation.</p> + +<p>"Very few can hope to attain such excellence of culture and intellect as +these men possess. You and I ought to be grateful to our Creator if he +has given us brain power sufficient to appreciate and comprehend their +words. I know it has given Mr. Winthrop deep satisfaction to see you so +interested in their conversation."</p> + +<p>"How do you know that?" I asked, pleased at her words.</p> + +<p>"I look at him sometimes while you get so absorbed listening that you +seem to forget everything; and I see the gratified expression of his +face while he watches you. I know it would be a disappointment to him if +you should develop into a fashionable, feather-headed woman."</p> + +<p>"Or a widow-helping philanthropist," I said, laughing.</p> + +<p>"Of the two, he would prefer the latter."</p> + +<p>"But neither would be his ideal."</p> + +<p>"I am not altogether certain of that; but I do know he holds in strong +dislike a woman who simply exists to follow the fashions, no matter how +attractive she may be."</p> + +<p>"I am ashamed to say I like getting new things, especially when they are +becoming," I said, a little shamefacedly.</p> + +<p>"I am sure you would get tired of a perpetual round of new hats and +frocks, and trying them on, I am not apt to be mistaken in a person."</p> + +<p>"But it is vastly easier to think of harmonious colors and combinations +of dry goods, than it is to puzzle over those knotty subjects we listen +to here in the evening, or to translate Chopin or Wagner, or the other +great masters."</p> + +<p>"But once mastering any of these, the pleasure arising therefrom gives +satisfaction to a noble cast of mind that a whole gallery of Worth's +choicest costumes could not produce."</p> + +<p>"Solomon said: Much study is a weariness of the flesh."</p> + +<p>"Solomon was an intellectual dyspeptic. But granting that it is a +weariness, it is something that pays well for the weariness."</p> + +<p>"If all the world were to come to Mr. Winthrop's way of thinking, it +would be a sad thing for the dressmakers."</p> + +<p>"Not necessarily. They would still be needed, but they would do the +thinking about what would best suit the style of their respective +customers; and the latter would be left free of that special task, +to devote their minds to their own interior furnishing."</p> + +<p>"Ah, you describe a second Utopia, or the golden age. A few in each +generation might reach that clear, chill region of sublime thought; but +the rank and file of womankind, and perhaps of mankind, would despise +them as cranks."</p> + +<p>"But if they had something vastly better than the respect of the careless +and uncultured, need they mind what these would say?"</p> + +<p>"Possibly not; but in most women's hearts there is an innate love of +adornment, and the art they will not relegate very willingly to others."</p> + +<p>"I did not think you cared so much for dress."</p> + +<p>"You and Mr. Winthrop are putting the strongest temptations in my way, +and then expect that I shall calmly turn my dazzled eyes inwards upon +the unfurnished, empty spaces of my own mind."</p> + +<p>"You seemed to care almost too little for elegance of attire, I thought."</p> + +<p>"What the eyes do not see the heart never longs for. But glossy velvets, +shimmering silks, with colors perfected from the tints of the rainbow; +laces that are a marvel of fineness and beauty; and gems that might +dazzle older heads than mine, thrown recklessly in my way, could any +young creature fond of pretty things turn away from them, with the +indifference of a wrinkled philosopher? I should have staid at Oaklands, +and saved my money for the Mill Road folk."</p> + +<p>"You must have the temptation, if you are to have the credit of +overcoming it."</p> + +<p>"Is there not a wonderful petition left for us by One who knows all +things? 'Lead us not into temptation.'"</p> + +<p>"I do not think this is a parallel case. God's way with His people, ever +since Eve was denied the fruit in Eden, has been to prove them by +temptation. His promise that there shall, with the temptation, be a way +of escape, is what we need to claim."</p> + +<p>"My way of escape will be to go back to Oaklands, where an occasional tea +party will be the most dangerous allurement to vanity in my way."</p> + +<p>"But you will not always remain there. Mr. Winthrop will not be so remiss +in his duty as your guardian as to bury you there. Marriage, and a +judicious settlement in life, are among the probabilities of your near +future."</p> + +<p>My cheeks crimsoned; for marriage was one of the tabooed subjects of +conversation at Madame Buhlman's. Only in the solitude of our own rooms +did we dare to converse on such a topic. But no doubt we wove our +romances as industriously, and dreamed our dreams of the beautiful, +impossible future stretching beyond our dim horizons, as eagerly as if +we had been commanded to spend a certain portion of each day in its +contemplation.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman noticed my embarrassment, and, after a few moments +said:—"Perhaps the fairy prince has already claimed his own."</p> + +<p>I laughed lightly, but still felt ill at ease as I said: "I have never +met him, and begin to doubt if he has an existence."</p> + +<p>"He is sure to come, soon or late; probably too soon to please me. +I shall miss you sadly when you go away from us."</p> + +<p>I knelt beside her chair, a lump gathering in my throat, and my slow +coming tears ready to drop.</p> + +<p>"I do not know why you should miss me, but it makes me so glad to hear +you say so. I have no one to really love me in the wide, wide world, that +is, whose love I can claim as a right, and sometimes the thought makes me +desolate."</p> + +<p>She sat for awhile silently stroking my hair.</p> + +<p>"I do not think yours will be a desolate, or lonely life, Medoline. It +is only the selfish who are punished in that way. The blessing of those +about the perish will overtake you, making the shadowy places in your +life bright."</p> + +<p>"But there are no perishing ones conveniently near for me to save. I am +of little more use in the world than a humming bird."</p> + +<p>"Already some of the Mill Road folk have been comforted by you. You +remember it is recorded of the Mary of Bethany; 'She hath done what she +could.' For that act of gratitude to the Master, her memory will be +cherished long after the sun is cold. We do not know if somewhere all our +minutest acts of unselfishness are not recorded, to be met with one day +with glad surprise on our part."</p> + +<p>"I would rather be so remembered," I said with eager longing, "than to be +a Cleopatra or Helen of Troy."</p> + +<p>"In what way is that?" Mr. Winthrop asked, as he stood looking down at me +from behind Mrs. Flaxman's chair. I sprang to my feet in consternation. +"We did not hear you enter," I faltered, very much ashamed to be found in +such a childish attitude.</p> + +<p>"I know that, since I would not have been just now admitted to your +confidence."</p> + +<p>I wheeled him up an arm chair, and stirred the fire very industriously, +hoping thereby to divert his attention. He sat down quietly. His massive +head laid back against the rich, dark leather seemed to bring the +features out in stronger relief; the fire light falling uncertainly on +his face, but enabling me to note distinctly its expectant look. I went +to the window and stood for sometime watching the passers by in the +street, thinking thus to pass away the time until Mr. Winthrop should +forget to further question me; but he suddenly startled me by coming +towards the window where I stood, and saying:</p> + +<p>"You have not answered my question."</p> + +<p>"The remark was only intended for Mrs. Flaxman's ears, and was of no +importance, any way."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Flaxman then will enlighten me as to the bent of your ambition," he +said, quite too authoritatively for my liking, and turned towards her.</p> + +<p>"Our conversation drifted to personal endeavor. We were talking of many +things, when Medoline, just as you came in, expressed the wish to be +helpful to others rather than to shine in cold and stately splendor."</p> + +<p>"Ah, yes. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy were excellent illustrations of the +splendor. I am glad she is able to avail herself of her classical studies +in conversation."</p> + +<p>I looked mutely at Mrs. Flaxman, but she was gazing intently into the +burning coals, with a slight flush on her face, caused, I knew, by Mr. +Winthrop's words. A few moments after I glanced at my guardian. His eyes +were closed, the lines of his face looked hard and stern. I wondered if +it never softened even in sleep, or did it always wear that look that +some way brought to my mind the old Vikings of the frozen north.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman presently arose saying it was time for us to dress for the +concert. Mr. Winthrop looked up to say he had secured us an escort, and +would not accompany us.</p> + +<p>"I thought you particularly admired Beethoven's Ninth Symphony," I +exclaimed, with surprise.</p> + +<p>"I do not think that crowd of amateurs will do much; although Bovyer +gives them great praise. I would as soon hear that Larkum baby crowing as +to hear such a masterpiece mangled."</p> + +<p>"Some passages will be well rendered, surely."</p> + +<p>"What matter, if one is all the time dreading a discord? I shall expect, +however, a full account of the performance from you."</p> + +<p>"I have already heard this symphony rendered by the court musicians in +Belgium. I had no heart to practice my lessons for weeks after."</p> + +<p>"And why not?"</p> + +<p>"It seemed useless for me to waste time or money over an art so far +beyond my powers to master."</p> + +<p>His face softened, while he arose from his chair and came a few steps +nearer to me.</p> + +<p>"Only one or two human beings, so far as we know, have had musical +powers equal to Beethoven. Most men are satisfied if they can perform +harmoniously his creations."</p> + +<p>"I could never do that. I might by years of hard study get so far as to +strike the correct notes, but the soul and expression would elude me, +simply because I have not brain power sufficient to comprehend them. A +thrush would be foolish to emulate the nightingale."</p> + +<p>"Yes but some one might be gladdened by its own simple note," he said, +gently.</p> + +<p>I was silent, while his words sank comfortably in my heart.</p> + +<p>Looking up, at last, I caught his eye.</p> + +<p>"I will try to be satisfied with my thrush's note, and make the best of +it."</p> + +<p>"That is right, but make sure that you are not any better song bird than +the thrush, before you rest satisfied with its simple accomplishment."</p> + +<p>Very earnestly and sincerely I promised him to do my best, and then +followed Mrs. Flaxman from the room. Our escort proved to be Mr. Bovyer, +a grave man, not so young as Mr. Winthrop, and who had a genuine passion +for classic music. I fancied from his name and partiality for German +composers that he must be either directly or remotely of Teutonic origin. +Beethoven was his great favorite. He averred that the latter had +penetrated further into the mysteries of music than any other human +being. He seemed transformed while we sat listening to the great waves +of harmony bewildering our senses; for, notwithstanding Mr. Winthrop's +prophecy, the concert was a success. He had a stolid face. One might +take him almost for a retired, well-to-do butcher; but when the air was +pulsating with delicious sounds, his face lighted up and grew positively +handsome.</p> + +<p>"I wonder how you will endure the music of the immortals, that God +listens to, if you get with the saved by and bye?" I said, impulsively.</p> + +<p>He shook his head doubtfully, but gave me at the same time a look of +surprise.</p> + +<p>"I do not ask for anything better than Beethoven," he replied quietly.</p> + +<p>Some way I felt saddened. The Creator was so much beyond the highest +object of his creative skill, even though that is or might be one so +gloriously endowed as Beethoven; it seemed strange that a thinking, +intellectual being would grasp the less when he might lay hold on the +greater. I glanced around on the gay, richly-dressed throng—pretty +women in garments as harmonious in form and color almost as the music +that was thrilling at least some of us; some of them fair enough, I +fancied, to be walking in a better world than ours; then, by some strange +freak of the imagination, I fell to thinking of the poverty and sorrow, +and breaking hearts all about us, until the music seemed to change to a +minor chord; and away back of all other sounds I seemed to hear the sob +and moan of the dying and broken-hearted. Perhaps some new chord had been +touched in my own heart that had never before responded to human things; +for in spite of myself I sat and wept with a full, aching heart. I tried +to shield my face with my fan and at last regained my composure, and +tried, in sly fashion, to dry my eyes with the bit of lace I called my +handkerchief, and which I found a very poor substitute for the +substantial lawn hitherto used. At last I regained my composure +sufficiently to look up, when I found Mr. Bovyer regarding me keenly. He +glanced away, but after that his manner grew sympathetic, and on our way +home he said,</p> + +<p>"I am glad to know you can understand great musical conceptions."</p> + +<p>"I found it very, very sad. I scarce ever realized how much pain there +might be in this world, as for a little while I did to-night."</p> + +<p>"The tears were sorrowful then, and not glad?" he said, gently.</p> + +<p>"My tears are always that. I cannot conceive a joy so great as to make me +weep."</p> + +<p>"Your heart is not fully wakened yet, some day you will understand; but +be thankful you can understand a part. Not many at your age feel the +master's touch so keenly." When we said good-night, he asked permission +to call next day. I waited for Mrs. Flaxman to reply, and turned to her, +seeing she hesitated. She smiled and I could see answered for me.</p> + +<p>"We shall be happy to see you. Mr. Winthrop receives his friends, I +believe, to-morrow evening." As we went to our rooms she said:—"Won't +it be wonderful if you have captivated Mr. Bovyer's heart?—I am sure Mr. +Winthrop considered him a safe escort, so far as love entanglements +were concerned."</p> + +<p>"That old man thinking of love! He looks as if he thought much more of +his dinner than anything else."</p> + +<p>"Probably he does bestow some attention on it; but he is not old, at +least not more than six and thirty. Beside he is a very clever man—a +musical critic and good writer; in fact, one of Mr. Winthrop's most +intimate friends."</p> + +<p>"That, I presume, speaks volumes in his favor," I said, perhaps with a +touch of sarcasm in my voice.</p> + +<p>"Yes; Mr. Winthrop is an unerring judge of character; that is, of late +years."</p> + +<p>"Well, I would nearly as soon think of marrying Daniel Blake as this Mr. +Bovyer. I have never been in love, but I have an idea what it is," I +said, following Mrs. Flaxman to her room.</p> + +<p>"But Mr. Bovyer might teach you. Did you ever read Shakespeare's +Midsummer Night's Dream?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes; and of Titania and Bottom of course, but that was only a +dream—Mr. Bovyer is a very solid reality. But I must not stay here +gossiping. Mr. Winthrop will be waiting for my description of the music."</p> + +<p>I slipped into my own room to lay aside my wraps, still smiling over Mrs. +Flaxman's childish ideas respecting Mr. Bovyer in the <i>rôle</i> of a lover, +and also a little troubled about the wording of the report I was expected +to give. His smile would be more sarcastic than ever, if I confessed my +tears; and, alas, I had but little other impression to convey of the +majestic harmonies than one of profound sadness. I glanced into my +mirror; the picture reflected back startled me. In the handsome gown, +with the same gems that had once enhanced my mother's charms, the +transformation wrought was considerable; but my eyes were shining with a +deep, unusual brilliancy, and a new expression caused by the influences +of the evening had changed my face almost beyond my own recognition. I +went down to the parlor where I found Mr. Winthrop absorbed in his book. +I stood near waiting for him to look, but he remained unconscious of my +presence. I went to the fireside. On the mantle I noticed, for the first +time, a bust of the great master whose music had just been echoing so +mournfully in my ears. I took it in my hand and went nearer the light, +soon as absorbed in studying the indrawn melancholy face as was my +guardian over his book. When I looked at him his book was closed, and his +eyes regarding me attentively.</p> + +<p>"Do you recognize the face?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes. I wonder he looks like other men."</p> + +<p>"Why should he look differently?"</p> + +<p>"Because he was different. I wonder what his thoughts were when he was +writing that symphony?" I held the bust off reflectively.</p> + +<p>"Did you enjoy your evening's entertainment?"</p> + +<p>"Yes and no,—I wish you had been there, Mr. Winthrop. Please don't ask +me to describe it."</p> + +<p>"I will get a description of how you received it then from Bovyer—he +could tell me better than you. He reads faces so well, I sometimes have a +fear he sees too far beneath our mask."</p> + +<p>"I don't want to see him any more then," I said impetuously.</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"I do not want my soul to be scrutinized by strange eyes, any more than +you do, Mr. Winthrop."</p> + +<p>"How do you know that I object?"</p> + +<p>"Did you not say just now you had a fear he saw too deeply into us?"</p> + +<p>"Possibly. I was speaking in a general way—meant humanity at large, +rather than my own individual self."</p> + +<p>"Would you care if I could see all the thoughts and secrets of your soul +just at this moment, Mr. Winthrop?" I said, taking a step nearer, and +looking intently into his eyes, which returned my look with one equally +penetrating.</p> + +<p>"No, Medoline. You, least of any one I know," he said, quietly. I looked +at him with surprise—perhaps a trifle grieved.</p> + +<p>"Does that offend you?" he asked after a pause.</p> + +<p>"It wounds me; for I am your friend."</p> + +<p>"I am glad of that, little one."</p> + +<p>"Glad that you have given me pain?" I asked, with an odd feeling as if I +wanted to burst into a fit of childish weeping.</p> + +<p>He left his chair and came to my side.</p> + +<p>"Why do you look so sorrowful, Medoline? I meant that it gave me pleasure +that you were my friend. I did not think that you cared for me."</p> + +<p>"I am surprised at myself for caring so much for you when you are so hard +on me. I suppose it is because you are my guardian, and I have no one +else, scarcely, to love." I was beginning to think I must either escape +hastily to my room, or apply the bit of cobweb lace once more to my eyes, +which, if I could judge from my feelings, would soon be saturated with my +tears.</p> + +<p>"I did not think I was hard on you," he said, gently. "I have been afraid +lest I was humoring your whims too much; but unselfishness, and thought +for the poor, have been such rare traits in the characteristics of my +friends, I have not had a heart hard enough to interfere with your +instincts."</p> + +<p>Here was an entirely new revelation to me; I bethought me of Mrs. +Flaxman's remark a short time before, and repeated it to him.</p> + +<p>"I do not think I shall ever have paternal feelings towards you, +Medoline, I am not old enough for that. Tell Mrs. Flaxman, if she speaks +that way again, I am not anxious for her to fasten in your heart filial +affection for me."</p> + +<p>"But we may be just as much to each other as if you were my own father?" +I pleaded.</p> + +<p>"Quite as much," he said, with emphasis. I forgot my tears; for some way +my heart had got so strangely light and glad, tears seemed an unnecessary +incumbrance; and even the thought that had been awaked by the disturbing +harmonies of Beethoven's majestic conceptions were folded peacefully away +in their still depths again.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h2> + +<h3>ALONE WITH HIS DEAD.</h3> + + +<p>At breakfast Mr. Winthrop was more insistent in his curiosity about the +concert of the previous evening. Mrs. Flaxman assured him that we were +all agreeably disappointed in our evening's entertainment.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bovyer was especially charmed with Medoline's appreciation of his +favorite composer. He asked permission to call on her to-day."</p> + +<p>He gave me a keen glance, saying: "I hope you did not grow too +enthusiastic. One need not hang out a placard to prove we can comprehend +the intricate and profound."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman answered hastily for me.</p> + +<p>"No, indeed; she was too quiet; and only Mr. Bovyer and myself detected +the tears dropping behind her fan. But Mr. Bovyer seemed gratified at the +meaning he read from them."</p> + +<p>My face was burning; but after a few seconds' silence I stole a glance +at Mr. Winthrop. He was apparently absorbed in his breakfast, and +Beethoven's Symphonies were not mentioned in his presence until evening, +when Mr. Bovyer, true to his appointment, sat chatting for two or three +hours with Mr. Winthrop and his other guests. As usual, I sat a silent +listener, comprehending readily a good many things that were said; but +some of the conversation took me quite beyond my depth. I found Mr. +Bovyer could grow eloquent over his favorite topics, which, from his +phlegmatic appearance, surprised me. He seemed thoroughly acquainted +with other subjects than music, and I noticed that even Mr. Winthrop +listened to his remarks with deference. Before the evening closed Mr. +Winthrop asked him for some music. He complied so readily that I fell to +contrasting his unaffected manner with that of lady musicians who, as a +rule, take so much coaxing to gratify their friends' desire for music, +and their own vanity at the same time. I noticed Mr. Winthrop settling +back into his favorite position in his arm-chair—his head thrown back +and eyes closed. Mrs. Flaxman took up her fan and held it as if shielding +her eyes from the light. I discovered afterward it was merely a pretext +to conceal the emotion Mr. Bovyer usually awakened when she listened to +his music.</p> + +<p>His first touch on the piano arrested me, and I turned around to watch +his face. I recognized the air—the opening passage from Haydn's +Creation. I was soon spellbound, as were all the rest. Mrs. Flaxman laid +down her fan; there were no melting passages to bring tears in this +symphony, descriptive of primeval darkness, and confusion of the +elements, the evil spirits hurrying away from the glad, new light into +their native regions of eternal night—the thunder and storm and +elemental terrors. Presently I turned to Mr. Winthrop. He was sitting +erect in his chair, his eyes no longer closed in languorous enjoyment; +when suddenly the measure changed to that delicious passage descriptive +of the creation of birds. Mr. Bovyer's voice was a trifle too deep and +powerful for the air, but it was sympathetic and rarely musical.</p> + +<p>He ended as abruptly as he began and glided off into one of those old +English glees,—"Hail, Smiling Morn."</p> + +<p>Presently turning around he asked: "Are you tired?"</p> + +<p>"We have failed to take note of the flight of time; pray go on," Mr. +Winthrop urged.</p> + +<p>"What do you say, Miss Selwyn?"</p> + +<p>"I would like if you could make Mr. Winthrop cry. If you tried very hard, +you might touch his fountain of tears."</p> + +<p>"Bravo! I will try," he exclaimed amid the general laugh. He touched the +keys, and then pausing a moment, left the instrument.</p> + +<p>"I am not in the mood to-night for such a difficult task. I may make the +attempt some stormy winter's night at Oaklands. I believe I have a +standing invitation there," he said, joining us around the fire.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop threw me an amazed look, but instantly recovering himself he +said heartily:—"The invitation holds good during the term of our natural +lives. The sooner it is accepted the more delighted we shall be."</p> + +<p>Mr. Bovyer bowed his thanks, and coming to my side asked if I would care +to attend another concert the following evening.</p> + +<p>"It depends on what the music is to be. I am not so sensitive as Mr. +Winthrop to a few false notes now and then. The composer has more power +to give me pain than the performers, I believe."</p> + +<p>"I should say, then, that your comprehension of music was more subtle +than his."</p> + +<p>"I do not pretend to compare myself with Mr. Winthrop in any way. It +would be like the minnow claiming fellowship with the leviathan."</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop suggested very politely:—</p> + +<p>"Humility is becoming until it grows abject."</p> + +<p>"Your guardian is an incorrigible bachelor. Ladies do not get the +slightest mercy from him," Mr. Bovyer remarked.</p> + +<p>"I have ceased to look for any," I said, with an evenness of voice that +surprised me.</p> + +<p>"I am glad to find myself in such good company," Mr. Winthrop said, with +a graceful bend of the head, which included each of his guests in the +list of single blessed ones.</p> + +<p>"Are you all going to be old bachelors?" I asked, forgetting myself in +the surprise of the moment.</p> + +<p>"I am not aware that we are all irrevocably committed to that terrible +fate," Mr. Bovyer said, as he united in the general smile at my expense.</p> + +<p>"It might be more terrible for some of your wives than if you remained +single. I think some persons are fore-ordained to live single." I looked +steadily in the fire lest my eyes might betray too much.</p> + +<p>"Do you imagine those blighted lives are confined solely to one sex?" Mr. +Winthrop blandly inquired.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no; nature does not confine her oddities to one sex; but a woman can +better conceal the lack of a human heart and sympathies."</p> + +<p>"You mean they are better actresses?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I think so."</p> + +<p>"I must tell you, gentlemen, this little ward of mine is a natural +philanthropist. You would be amazed to see how she sympathizes with +widows and the broken-hearted of both sexes. I have been forced to limit +her charities to a certain yearly amount lest her husband may one day +call me to account for her wasted means."</p> + +<p>"It is the most beautiful trait in womankind." Mr. Bovyer responded, +heartily, just as a passionate retort had sprung to my lips. The second's +interruption gave me time to regain my self-control; but the color flamed +over brow and cheek as I rose and walked to the farther end of the room +and stood turning over the leaves of a book lying on the table. I could +still hear what was said and was surprised that Mr. Winthrop turned the +conversation so cleverly into other channels. It was growing late, and +before long the guests retired. Mr. Bovyer, as he shook hands with me, +said: "You have not answered my question yet. Will you come to the +Philharmonic to-morrow evening?"</p> + +<p>I looked to Mr. Winthrop for a reply.</p> + +<p>"I think you must deny yourself that pleasure, as we shall probably go +home to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"So soon?" I asked with surprise.</p> + +<p>"The time I limited myself to expired yesterday. We can return this +winter, and complete any unfinished business or pleasure that you now +leave undone."</p> + +<p>"My business is finished. It happens to be a pleasure to return to +Oaklands."</p> + +<p>I murmured my thanks to Mr. Bovyer, and withdrew the hand he was still +holding.</p> + +<p>When we were at last alone, Mrs. Flaxman drew her chair near the fire and +settling back comfortably as if she were in no hurry to retire, said very +seriously:—"This is unexpected—our going home to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"I am afraid Bovyer is about making an ass of himself. Strange what +weaknesses come over strong men sometimes! He was the last I should +have expected such a thing from," Mr. Winthrop said.</p> + +<p>"Was it fear of this that sends you home so abruptly?" Mrs. Flaxman +asked, with a look of amusement.</p> + +<p>"One reason."</p> + +<p>"He would be a very good <i>parti</i>; only a little too old, perhaps."</p> + +<p>"What are you thinking of? I shall not let that child get entangled for +years." He said, almost angrily.</p> + +<p>"What has Mr. Bovyer done?" I inquired, a good deal mystified.</p> + +<p>"You are too young to have everything explained. I want you to keep your +child's heart for a good many years yet."</p> + +<p>"What a pity young people cannot keep the child's heart until they get +some good out of life. Not begin at once with its storms and passions," +Mrs. Flaxman remarked, in a moralizing tone.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean falling in love, Mrs. Flaxman?"</p> + +<p>"Possibly that was what I meant, but it is to be a tabooed topic with you +for some years yet, Mr. Winthrop decides."</p> + +<p>"You have been unusually fortunate in that respect, Mr. Winthrop. I +used to think every one fell in love before they came to your age." Mrs. +Flaxman glanced at him with a pained, startled look which I did not +understand. I noticed that his face though grave was unruffled; but he +made me no reply.</p> + +<p>I could not explain the reason, but I felt grieved that I had made the +remark, and slipped quietly out of the room without my usual good-night.</p> + +<p>The next day we left for home. Mr. Winthrop was not fortunate in meeting +friends; so he sat beside us. I would have preferred being alone with +Mrs. Flaxman, without the restraint of his society. We had not been able +on that train to secure a parlor car, for which I was very glad. There +seemed more variety and wider types of humanity in the plainer car, and I +liked to study the different groups and indulge in my dreams concerning +them. My attention was suddenly attracted, at a station we were +approaching, by a hearse and funeral procession apparently waiting for +us. The cars moving along presently hid them from my view, and my +attention was suddenly distracted from this melancholy spectacle by the +unusual circumstance of a man coming alone into the car with an infant in +his arms. The cars scarcely paused, and while I watched to see the mother +following her baby the brakeman came in with an armfull of shawls, +satchels, and baskets. The baby soon began to cry; when it was pitiful to +watch the poor fellow's futile efforts to hush its wailings, while he +tossed over the parcels apparently in search of something; but the baby's +cries continued to increase in volume, and the missing article, whatever +it was, refused to turn up.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop cast a look on it that might have annihilated a much +stronger specimen of humanity; but the father, as I supposed him to be, +intercepted the wrathful gaze, and his face, already sorrowful looking, +became more distressed than ever.</p> + +<p>I waited impatiently for some older woman to go to his relief; but men +and women alike seemed to regard the little waif with displeasure; so at +last slipping swiftly out of my seat lest Mr. Winthrop might intercept +me, I went straight to the poor fellow's relief.</p> + +<p>"What is the matter with the baby?" I asked, as sympathetically as I +could.</p> + +<p>"He is hungry, and they have taken his food by mistake, I am afraid, to +the baggage car."</p> + +<p>"May I take care of him while you go for it?"</p> + +<p>"If you only would, I would be so grateful."</p> + +<p>I sat down and he put the bit of vocality in my arms, and then hastened +after its dinner. I glanced towards Mr. Winthrop. I fancied that his face +expressed volumes of shocked proprieties; so I quickly withdrew my gaze, +since it was not at all comforting, and devoted myself exclusively to the +poor little baby. Its clothing had got all awry, its hands were blue with +cold, and the tears from its pretty, blurred eyes were running in a +copious stream. I dried its face, took off its cap and cloak, and got its +garments nicely straightened out, and then to complete the cure, for want +of something better, gave it my long suffering watch to nibble. The +little creature may have recognized the soothing effect of a woman's +hands, or it may have been the bright tick, tick which it was gazing at +now with pleased expression, and with its untutored tongue was already +trying to imitate. What the cause was I could not say; but when the +father returned, silence reigned in the car so far as his offspring was +concerned. His face brightened perceptibly. "It does seem as if a baby +knew a woman's touch," he said, with such a sigh of relief.</p> + +<p>"They know when their clothes are comfortable and their hands warm."</p> + +<p>"His mother always attended to him. He and I were only playfellows."</p> + +<p>"Where is his mother now?" I asked, no longer able to restrain my +curiosity.</p> + +<p>"In the freight room." His eyes filled with tears.</p> + +<p>"Was it her coffin I saw in the hearse awhile ago?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Oh I am so sorry;" and I too burst into tears. He busied himself getting +a spirit lamp lighted, and soon the baby's milk was simmering, and almost +before good humor had been restored throughout the car the baby had +comfortably dined, and gone off into a refreshing slumber. I made him a +snug little bed out of rugs and shawls, and laid him down in blissful +unconsciousness of the cold, still form, even more unconscious than he, +in the adjoining freight room.</p> + +<p>The passengers as well as Mr. Winthrop had been watching me curiously, +and my sudden burst of tears had mystified them.</p> + +<p>Once the baby was nicely settled to its nap I returned to my seat. Mrs. +Flaxman eagerly asked why there was no woman to look after the baby. +I saw Mr. Winthrop listening, as if interested also in the strange +phenomenon of a man in attendance alone on an infant.</p> + +<p>"The mother is in the freight room."</p> + +<p>"What?" Mrs. Flaxman asked, looking a trifle alarmed.</p> + +<p>"She is in her coffin." My lip trembled, and with difficulty I restrained +my tears once more.</p> + +<p>"How dreadful!" she murmured, and presently I saw her wiping away her own +tears.</p> + +<p>"And you were the only one brave enough to go to him in his trouble. +Medoline, I am proud of you, but ashamed of myself."</p> + +<p>"I couldn't help going; he looked so distressed, and I could see he +wasn't fit to look after the baby. Men are so useless about such things," +I said, giving Mr. Winthrop a humorous glance.</p> + +<p>"Another case of widowers," Mr. Winthrop whispered, as he bent his head +near to mine; but I saw that he too was not unmoved, and the look he +bestowed upon me was equal to a caress.</p> + +<p>"I am going to speak to that poor man myself." Mrs. Flaxman said very +energetically, after she had got her eyes dried.</p> + +<p>She went, but very soon I saw her handkerchief in active service again. +They sat chatting a long time, while all the passengers seemed to have a +growing interest in their fellow traveller and his little charge. The +latter wakened while Mrs. Flaxman was still lingering beside the bereaved +father. It cried at first; but she soon got him so comfortable and +content, that he was laughing and cooing into the wintry looking faces of +his father and new nurse. I wanted to have the dear little fellow in my +own arms, he had such a bright, intelligent face, and his smile was so +sunny; but I could not muster courage to go and ask for him.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman probably noticed my wistful look, for she presently returned +to her own seat bringing him with her. She had scarcely left the father's +side when a white-haired, kindly-faced old gentleman at the farther end +of the car got up and came stumbling along, and took a seat beside him. +The poor fellow winced. He shrank, no doubt, from opening his wound +afresh for another stranger to probe. But there was something so +sympathetic in the old man's face, and the hearty shake of the hand that +he gave without even speaking, that I concluded he would do more good +than harm. After sitting a little while in silence, I overheard him +telling how he had heard of his trouble through the conductor. I had not +asked him anything about his wife's death, that seemed a grief too sacred +to explain to a perfect stranger; but he had told Mrs. Flaxman all, and I +sat listening with a strong desire to cry while she repeated the story to +us.</p> + +<p>"His wife died very suddenly," she said, "and they were all strangers +where they lived; but every one, he said, was so kind. He is taking his +baby home to his mother. They live a little way out of Cavendish. He said +he knew us; and was never so surprised at anything in his life as when +a beautiful young lady, like you, traveling, too, with Mr. Winthrop, came +and took his baby. Everybody was looking so crossly at the baby, he had +just begun to feel as if there was no sympathy for him in all this world +full of strangers; but, when you came, there was a great load taken off +his heart. I mean after this to be more on the watch to help others."</p> + +<p>"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, I thought that was one of your strongest +characteristics."</p> + +<p>"Don't ever say such a thing to me again, when if it had not been for a +tender-hearted child, with the very poorest possible opinion of herself, +we might have, amongst us, finished breaking that poor fellow's heart."</p> + +<p>"You will make her vain if you continue praising her so much," Mr. +Winthrop remonstrated.</p> + +<p>"She has not a natural tendency that way, and we have not helped to +foster her vanity; if we have erred, it has been in the other direction."</p> + +<p>"Please let us cease talking personalities. Why don't you admire and +talk about this lovely boy? Wouldn't you like to have us adopt him at +Oaklands, Mr. Winthrop?"</p> + +<p>"I expect you will not be quite satisfied until you get the position of +matron in some huge asylum for widows and orphans, with a few widowers +thrown in for variety."</p> + +<p>"I should enjoy such a position, I believe. It never occurred to me +before. Only think! Gathering up little bits of motherless humanity +like this, and training them into noble men and women. They would go on +perpetuating my work long after my eyes were sleeping under the daisies. +Why that would be next thing to the immortality most of us long for."</p> + +<p>"Do you really think you would like such a career?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, really. If you would only help me to begin now, in a small way at +first, and build a pretty cottage in one of the Glens around Oaklands."</p> + +<p>"Have you no higher ambition than to take care of children?"</p> + +<p>"But what could be higher, at least within my reach? I am not clever +enough to write books—at least not good ones, and there are too many +fifth and sixth rate ones now in the market. My painting and music won't +ever amount to anything more than my book-writing could do; so what +remains for me but to try and make the world the better for having lived +in it? And the only way any of us can do that is to work for human +beings."</p> + +<p>I was in such real earnest, I forgot for the time Mr. Winthrop's possible +sarcasm.</p> + +<p>"You are not very moderate in your demands. Possibly I would be permitted +to share in the posthumous honors you mention, which would be some +recompense for the outlay. Of course, I would be called on to feed and +clothe, as well as shelter, your motley crowd."</p> + +<p>"I forgot about that. Would it cost very much?"</p> + +<p>"The expense would depend largely on the numbers you received, and it +might not be safe to trust to your discretion in limiting the number. +Your sympathies would be so wrought on, Oaklands would soon swarm with +blear-eyed specimens of humanity, and Mrs. Flaxman and I would be +compelled to seek some other shelter."</p> + +<p>"If I were only rich myself," I said, with a hopeless sigh.</p> + +<p>"You would very soon be poor," Mrs. Flaxman interjected, turning to Mr. +Winthrop. "I could scarcely restrain her from buying one of the most +expensive pieces of broadcloth for her blind friend."</p> + +<p>"He may never have had a genuine suit of West of England broadcloth in +his life, and I wanted him to have the best. The difference in price +would only amount to a few dollars; and if we were getting ourselves +a satin or velvet gown we would not have hesitated a moment over the +difference of five or six dollars."</p> + +<p>"My ward will need some severe lessons in economy before she can be +entrusted with a house full of children. Paris dolls and becoming dresses +for her prettiest children would soon drain the pocket."</p> + +<p>I said no more. My enthusiasm, viewed in the light of my guardian's cold +criticism, seemed exceedingly Utopian, and I concluded that my best plan +was to do the work that came in my way cheerfully and lovingly, without +sighing hopelessly after the impossible. To make the motherless little +fleck of immortality happy that now nestled confidingly in my arms for +a brief hour, was the work that just then lay nearest to me; and I set +myself about doing it with right good will.</p> + +<p>As we neared Cavendish, the kindly faced old gentleman started for his +own seat, but paused on the way at my side, and shook my hand cordially +as he said: "I want to thank you, Miss, for giving us all such a +wholesome lesson. I am an old man now, and can look back over the deeds +of more than three score and ten years; and I tell you there's none gives +me more real satisfaction than the acts of kindness I've done to others. +If I were beginning the journey again, I'd set myself to do such work as +that, rather than trying to pile up money that at the last I'd have to +leave to some one that mightn't thank me. I've a fancy, too, that the +kindnesses follow us into another life. If I don't mistake, when you get +old like me, you'll have many pleasant memories of the kind to look back +upon; and then you may remember the old man's words long after he has +crumbled to dust."</p> + +<p>I smiled brightly up into his strong, wholesome face and would really +have liked to know more about him, but like many a person we meet on the +journey of life, as ships on some wide sea, signal briefly to each other +and then pass out of sight, so I never saw or heard of him afterward. He +stood a moment stroking the baby's curly head, and then with a murmured +"God bless the little lad," he passed on to his own seat. I felt +instinctively that all this sentiment would be exceedingly distasteful +to Mr. Winthrop, and was amused at the look of relief that passed over +his face when our own station was reached. As I returned the baby to his +father, he grasped my hand with a pressure that pained me and said, +scarce above a whisper:</p> + +<p>"I will pass your kindness along to some other desolate one some day. It +is the only recompense within my power to make you."</p> + +<p>"What I did has been a genuine pleasure. This little fellow has far +overpaid me."</p> + +<p>"It was a great deal you did for me just at that bitter moment."</p> + +<p>"I wish I could do more to lighten your sorrow," I said, with tears of +sympathy in my eyes as I said my final good-bye, and hastened after Mr. +Winthrop, who was waiting, I knew impatiently, on the platform. I saw +Samuel assisting Thomas to control the horses, who were always in awe of +the snorting engine; and near them stood a lumbering express, into which +the men were putting the long box that I knew contained the rigid body +of the dead mother. Presently the poor husband with his baby crowing +gleefully in his arms, climbed up to the seat beside the driver, and they +started out on their lonely journey. Mr. Winthrop was singularly patient +with me, although I kept them waiting some time while I stood watching +the loaded express pass out of sight. As I leaned back in our own +luxurious carriage, I tried to picture the poor fellow's home going, and +hoped that a welcome would be given that would help to lighten his +burdened heart.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h2> + +<h3>HUMBLE CHARITIES.</h3> + + +<p>Mr. Winthrop had telegraphed Reynolds that morning that we were coming +home, and when we came in sight of Oaklands, just in the dim twilight, +we found the house brilliantly lighted. There was such a genial warmth +and comfort when we entered the door that I exclaimed joyously:</p> + +<p>"After all, there is no place like home."</p> + +<p>"Is Oaklands better than New York, do you say?" Mr. Winthrop questioned.</p> + +<p>"This is home. To every well regulated mind that is the sweetest spot on +earth."</p> + +<p>"Without any reservation?"</p> + +<p>"We do not need to make any when it is such a home as Oaklands."</p> + +<p>"Possibly you may think very differently when you get better acquainted +with the fascinations of city life."</p> + +<p>"One might enjoy both, don't you think, Mr. Winthrop? The contrast would +make each more delightful."</p> + +<p>"You must try the experiment before you will be able to give a correct +decision."</p> + +<p>"It seems to me to-night one must be hard to please to want a better home +than this, especially with an occasional change to city life. I cannot +understand why I have so much more to make life beautiful than others—so +many others—have."</p> + +<p>"Do you think, then, that your lot is a peculiarly fortunate one?"</p> + +<p>"If I did not think so, I would be worse than those Jews who fell to +murmuring on their way to Canaan. If they could have made the journey as +comfortably as I am doing they would never have said a word, I believe."</p> + +<p>"That is quite an original way of putting it. Theologians generally are +very severe on the poor Jews."</p> + +<p>"And you are usually pretty severe on the poor theologians," I said +laughingly, as I started for my room. On the way I met Reynolds, who +seemed so glad to have us back that I kissed her on the spot.</p> + +<p>"Bless your dear heart," she exclaimed, "it's like a flash of sunlight to +have you bursting in on us. You remind me so much of your papa. He had +just such a strong, hearty way as you."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Reynolds, is that so? Why did you never tell me before that I was +like him?"</p> + +<p>"It did not occur to me to tell you. Does it please you to know it?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly it does. It takes away the feeling that I am a changeling, +which often haunts me when you tell me I am odd and unconventional," +I said, turning to Mrs. Flaxman.</p> + +<p>"Darling, I would rather have you just as you are. If we went to make +improvements, we would only spoil a bit of God's sweetest handiwork."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, what a tremendous compliment! Mr. Winthrop would read +you another lecture, if he heard you say that."</p> + +<p>"Some day we may need to lecture him," she said with a smile, and then +went into her own room, leaving me a trifle perplexed over her meaning.</p> + +<p>When we joined Mr. Winthrop in the dining room we found the table laid +with its usual precision and elegance for dinner. As I stood on the +hearth-rug, looking around the pleasant room, the firelight glancing on +the polished silver, and china, and lighting up the beautiful pictures on +the walls, no wonder the cheerful home scene made me, for the time, +forget the solitary mourner with his dead, out in the cold and darkness. +Mrs. Flaxman presently joined me. Drawing her an easy-chair close to the +cheerful blaze I knelt on the rug beside her, the easier to stroke Fleta, +the pretty Angora cat, who with her rough tongue licked my hand with +affectionate welcome. Presently Mr. Winthrop joined us. His presence at +first unnoticed in our busy chat, I happened to turn my head and saw him +calmly regarding us. "You would make a pleasant picture, kneeling there +with the firelight playing in your hair," he said, coming to my side.</p> + +<p>"The picture would be more perfect now that you have joined us."</p> + +<p>"No, my presence would spoil it. A child playing with her kitten needs no +other figures to complete the picture."</p> + +<p>"Ah, that spoils your compliment."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop very judiciously mixes his sweets and bitters," Mrs. +Flaxman said with a smile.</p> + +<p>"Yes; I should be too vain if he gave me a compliment really. I wonder if +he ever will do that?" I looked up into his face and saw that its +expression was kindly.</p> + +<p>"You would not wish me to spoil you. If my praising you made you vain, as +you just said it would, that would be the worst unkindness."</p> + +<p>"I want you always to be honest with me. A very slight word of praise +then will have its genuine meaning."</p> + +<p>"Now that we have once more settled our relations to each other, we will +take our dinners. One must descend from the highest summits to the +trivialities of eating and drinking."</p> + +<p>"I have never seen you very high up yet, Mr. Winthrop. I do not think +there is a spark of sentiment in your composition."</p> + +<p>"Alas, that I should be so misjudged. But wait until your friend Bovyer +shows you my tears."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman generally looked a trifle worried when Mr. Winthrop and I +got into conversation. This night, when I wanted every one to be happy, +I held my troublesome tongue in check, and made no further reply to my +guardian's badinage.</p> + +<p>When I went to my room for the night, I drew back my curtain and looked +out into the darkness of a cloudy, moonless night. It chilled me, I +wondered if the baby and its father, with the cold, still form of the +once happy mother, had got into the light and warmth of home. I compared +our bright evening together in the drawing-room, where Mr. Winthrop had +sat with us reading, or rather translating as he read, some splendid +passages from his favorite classical authors, a treat not often granted, +but he was, I fancied, too tired to read or study in his library alone. I +too had tried to add my share to the evening's entertainment; singing +mostly some German home songs to an accompaniment on the piano. He had +not criticised my performance, a fact very encouraging to me.</p> + +<p>But now, as I stood looking out into the black night, I thought of their +journey over the rough roads, already beginning to freeze, the baby cold +and hungry, and so tired. I turned hurriedly from the window and knelt to +say my prayers, a new element entering into my petitions. Forgetting the +stereotyped phrases, I remembered with peculiar vividness the impetuous +prayer uttered by Mr. Lathrop at Mrs. Blake's funeral, and I too tried to +bring comfort to another by prayer. There was such help in the thought +that God never forgets us. I so soon forgot amid the pleasures of +home-coming the sorrows of another; but He watches ever. The splendors of +His throne and crowns, and the adoration of the highest intelligences +never so absorbing Him as to cause forgetfulness of the humblest parish +pensioner, looking Heavenward for consolation. "Oh, to be more God-like, +more unforgetting!" I murmured, still lingering in the attitude of +prayer. I do not think in all my life, I had got so near to the Divine +Heart.</p> + +<p>The next morning an agreeable duty awaited me. First, I had the materials +for Mr. Bowen's new suit, and along with these a good many lesser gifts +for one and another. In the daily papers, I studied very industriously +the notices of cheap sales of dry goods while in the city; and for such a +novice in the art of shopping, I made some really good bargains. When I +came to get my presents all unpacked I found that Thomas' services would +be required if I took all at once.</p> + +<p>I found him at last in the kitchen, superintending the preparation of +some medicine for one of his horses. Making known my errand, he consented +to drive me to the Mill Road; but first assured me that it would +disarrange all his plans for the day. Thomas was an old bachelor, with +ways very set and precise; and his hours were divided off as regularly as +a college professor's.</p> + +<p>On our way out he informed me that the widow Larkum was very ill, with +the doctor in attendance.</p> + +<p>I was surprised that his words should give me such a sinking at the +heart.</p> + +<p>"What will become of the blind father and orphaned children if she dies?"</p> + +<p>"They will go to the poor farm. I pity them; for that Bill Day, that has +charge, is a tough subject."</p> + +<p>"She may not die. Doctors are very often mistaken. They do not know much +more about the secrets of life and death than the rest of us."</p> + +<p>"I allow that's true; for a couple of them give me up for death, a good +many years ago; and a pretty fright they give me for nothing."</p> + +<p>"Were you afraid to die?"</p> + +<p>"You may be sure I was. Its very unsartin work, is dying."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Flaxman has lent me the lives of some very good people to read. +They were not afraid to die, but looked forward to it, some of them, with +delight."</p> + +<p>"They was the pious sort, that don't make much reckonin' in this life, I +allow."</p> + +<p>"I have read the lives of both kinds of people—the good, and those who +were not pious. The former seemed to be the happiest always."</p> + +<p>"They say Mr. Winthrop is a great man—writes fine works and things—but +he's not happy. I take more good out of Oaklands and the horses than he +does. He seems to sense the flower-gardens a good deal. I often find him +there early of a summer's morning when I go to work, with a bit of paper +and a pencil writing away for dear life; and he don't seem to mind me any +more'n if I was one of the vegetables."</p> + +<p>I smiled at Thomas' comparison; for now that he mentioned it, he did seem +something like an animated turnip.</p> + +<p>"I dare say he has far higher pleasures than you or I ever experience. +His thoughts are like a rich kingdom to him."</p> + +<p>"He's had some pretty bitter thoughts, I guess. He got crossed in love +once, and its sort of made him dislike wimmen folks. Maybe you've noticed +it yourself?" Thomas gave me a searching look.</p> + +<p>"I did not know he ever cared for a woman in his life. I thought he was +above such things," I murmured, too astonished to think of a proper +reply.</p> + +<p>"There's very few men get up that high, I reckon; leastaways, I've never +sot eyes on them."</p> + +<p>I turned a quizzical look on Thomas, which he understood—his face +reddened.</p> + +<p>"I don't claim to be one of the high kind, but I allow Oaklands is better +for me than a wife. I never sot great store by wimmen folks. They're +sort of pernicketty cattle to manage; I'd sooner take to horses; and if +one happens to die, you don't feel so cut up like as if it was a wife. +Now there's Dan Blake. Marrying's been enough sight more worryment to him +than comfort. I've figgured up the pros and cons close, and them that +keeps single don't age near as fast as the married ones. There's the +widow Larkum, if she'd kept single, she'd have been young and blooming +now. Human folks is many of them very poor witted," Thomas concluded, +with fine scorn, and then he was silent.</p> + +<p>My thoughts went off in eager surprise over that strange episode in Mr. +Winthrop's life, wondering what sort of a woman it was who had power so +to mar his happiness, and why she had not responded to his love, and all +the fascinating story that my sense of honor prevented me from finding +out from Thomas, or Mrs. Blake, or even Mrs. Flaxman. Now that I had +quiet to think it over, it seemed like desecration to have the stolid, +phlegmatic Thomas talk about it.</p> + +<p>He turned to me abruptly. "Have they never mentioned Mr. Winthrop's +trouble to you?"</p> + +<p>"No, Thomas, they have not."</p> + +<p>"Well, that's curious; but quality has different ways from nateral folks. +Well, you see, she was handsomer than any picture; looked as well as +you'd think an angel could look, and better dressed than they generally +seem to be; for any pictures I've seen of them they've only had a long +cloth around them without cut or pattern, and their wings. I've often +thought they weren't overhandy with the needle. And the day for the +wedding was sot." I stopped him there.</p> + +<p>"Would you tell me this if you knew I should repeat all you said to Mr. +Winthrop?"</p> + +<p>"I guess not; he'd turn me off without my dinner, if he knew."</p> + +<p>"You may be sure I shall not tell him; but nevertheless it is not honest +for us to be talking on such a subject."</p> + +<p>"I see you are like the rest of them. You seemed to have such a fellow +feeling for poor folks, we've concluded you were more like us than them."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps I am, Thomas; but gentle or simple, we ought to be alike +honorable. The Bible has only one code of morals for us all."</p> + +<p>"Very few that I know pays much attention to Bible rules. But here we are +at the Blakes'. I'll hitch the horse and carry in the bundles since you +want them left here. Hang it, if there ain't that ugly critter of Dan's +coming for us."</p> + +<p>Thomas sprang back into the carriage, and looked a good deal alarmed as +he saw me turn to meet Tiger and pat the animal's huge head.</p> + +<p>He fawned delightedly around me, licking my gloved hand whenever he could +get the chance.</p> + +<p>"You need not be afraid, Thomas. I won't let him hurt you."</p> + +<p>"I won't risk him. He's the crossest brute in Cavendish."</p> + +<p>"Why, Tiger, what a character to get!"</p> + +<p>To my surprise the dog looked up at Thomas, and uttered an angry growl.</p> + +<p>"See, now; I believe the brute understands what I say."</p> + +<p>"Come with me, Tiger." I started for the house. Tiger stood a moment +uncertainly, and then trotted after me. Mrs. Blake's face was radiant +when she opened the door in answer to my knock.</p> + +<p>"You're a thousand times welcome back; and my! but you're needed."</p> + +<p>"That is encouraging news. But, Mrs. Blake, won't you hide Tiger away +somewhere? Thomas is afraid of him, and, I think, not without reason."</p> + +<p>"I wish't Daniel 'd sell him; he frightens folks from the house," she +said, with much discontent, driving Tiger unceremoniously into the back +porch.</p> + +<p>Thomas soon had the bundles laid on the kitchen table, and the carriage +turned homewards, while I began unrolling the prints and flannels, frocks +and pinafores, for the Mill Road pensioners. Mrs. Blake watched eagerly; +but at last exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Dear me! it must a cost you a mint of money to get all these."</p> + +<p>"About the price of one evening dress."</p> + +<p>"I hope you got all the things, then, you needed for yourself."</p> + +<p>"Yes, and more, I fear, than I really needed. But Mrs. Flaxman says we +owe it to our position in society to dress becomingly; but the question +to my mind is, how far it is necessary to go to pay that social debt? +When I see a family like the Larkums, my conscience tells me I owe them +a heavier debt than society."</p> + +<p>"I can't understand why some people have no conscience, and other so +much. It seems to me now you have just a little too much for one of +your age."</p> + +<p>"Please don't you discourage me, Mrs. Blake. I meet too much everywhere +else. But for you I might never have given a thought to the poor and +needy."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake went to the window and stood looking out for some time in +silence, while I sat with my hand on Tiger's head, whom I had liberated +after Thomas went away. I looked down into the brown eyes that were +gazing up at me with dumb affection.</p> + +<p>"Do you really like me so very much, Tiger?" I said, stooping down to +gratify him with a touch of my face.</p> + +<p>"I do believe he thinks more of you than of anybody. I've not seen him +look so good-natured since I come here as he does now." I fancied that +I saw traces of tears on her face, and was surprised at it, for she was +not the kind of woman constantly bubbling over, and rarely showed the +tender side of her nature, save in kindly deeds. Again she began +inspecting my goodly array of dry goods with keen interest, inquiring +the prices, and passing shrewd comments on the bargains I had made.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid the Larkums won't need your gifts. If they go to the +poor-house, it won't be worth while giving them anything; the town'll +provide."</p> + +<p>"I do not think they will go there. Mrs. Larkum will get better, after +awhile."</p> + +<p>"It might do her good to hear you say; so would you mind coming over this +morning to see her? I go in every day to see to them."</p> + +<p>I gathered up a large bundle of flannels and prints, for herself and +children, along with the parcel containing Mr. Bowen's cloth, while Mrs. +Blake was getting ready. She came to the table, where I stood arranging +my parcels.</p> + +<p>"Are these to go to the widow's now?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes, if we can carry all at once."</p> + +<p>"I'll see to that. I've taken many a heavier load a good deal farther."</p> + +<p>"But I will share the burden with you."</p> + +<p>"No, it looks better for me to have my arms full than you; and, anyway, +I want to do something to help them, and you too."</p> + +<p>I humored her fancy, only insisting on relieving her of my present for +Mr. Bowen. It was the most precious package in the lot; and I feared she +might drop it. When we reached the door of the Larkum cottage she halted.</p> + +<p>"You won't like the look of things here to-day. There's only the +neighbors to look after them; and the most of us has more'n enough to do +home."</p> + +<p>"If I am such a poor soldier as to be so easily frightened as that, you +would be ashamed of me. When they endure it all the time, surely I may +for a few minutes."</p> + +<p>"But you're not used to it."</p> + +<p>She entered without knocking, when a scene met my gaze that fully equaled +Mrs. Blake's warning. The fire was quite out, and I could see no fuel at +hand to kindle it, Mr. Bowen sat in the window trying to extract some +warmth from the dull, November sunshine; the baby crying wearily in his +arms, probably from cold and hunger combined; the other two children had +curled themselves up in an old rug, their bright eyes watching us with +eager longing, the house itself was the picture of desolation.</p> + +<p>I shivered under my warm fur cloak, and with difficulty restrained myself +from rushing from the place; but Mrs. Blake, laying down her bundle with +a sigh of relief, bade Mr. Bowen good morning in her usual cheerful way; +he responded with equal cheerfulness, still ignorant of my presence +there. "You find us a little cold to-day," he said, as if it were the +merest accident; "but wood has given out, and the morning seems rather +cool."</p> + +<p>I looked at him in amazement. How could he speak so calmly under the +circumstances?</p> + +<p>"How is Mrs. Larkum, to-day?"</p> + +<p>"Pretty low, I am sorry to say. The doctor says she needs beef-tea and +wine."</p> + +<p>"It's easy for doctors to prescribe."</p> + +<p>"He thinks she might come around if she had proper nourishment. But we +are in the Lord's hands," he added patiently.</p> + +<p>"Yes, and I guess the Lord has sent one of His ravens to look after you. +Not that Miss Selwyn looks like a raven—she's more like a lily."</p> + +<p>"Is Miss Selwyn here?" he asked, turning around eagerly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, I reached home last evening. I am sorry to find you in such +trouble."</p> + +<p>"The Lord knows what is best for us. I want nothing but what He wills for +me. If pain, and poverty come, they are His evangels, and should I dare +to repine?"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps He has seen that you are patient under severity, and He may send +comfort now."</p> + +<p>"My Father is rich and wise, therefore I am content; for I know His +kindness is without limit."</p> + +<p>I looked in his face. A grave, refined expression lent dignity to +features already handsome, while there was a serenity one of the Old +Masters might have coveted to reproduce on one of their immortal pictured +faces.</p> + +<p>"Your daughter shall have all the nourishment the doctor orders after +this; and I believe she will soon be better. The Lord is more pitiful +than we are," I said, gently.</p> + +<p>"God will reward you, my dear friend. Pardon me for calling you such; but +you have indeed been a friend in adversity."</p> + +<p>"I am glad to be a friend of one who is the friend of God. I esteem it +both an honor and privilege."</p> + +<p>"I pray God you may very soon hold the dearer relation to Himself of +child, if you are not that already." He turned his face to me with an +eager, expectant expression.</p> + +<p>"No, not in the way you speak of. I am no nearer to Him than I was in +childhood. It is only of late I realized the need to be reconciled to +Him."</p> + +<p>"He answers prayer." There was such a ring of joyful faith in his voice +I felt convinced there was one praying for me who had a firm hold on God.</p> + +<p>I turned to Mrs. Blake, who was busying herself in trying to make a fire.</p> + +<p>"Where can we get some coals, or do they burn wood?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"They sell the waste at the mill pretty cheap for kindlings, but the coal +is far cheapest."</p> + +<p>"Can we get some directly?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, with the money," she said, grimly.</p> + +<p>I took out my purse—alas, now far from full—when would I learn economy?</p> + +<p>I gave her two dollars. "Will that buy enough for the present?" I asked +anxiously; for I was exceedingly ignorant of household furnishings.</p> + +<p>"Deary me, yes; it'll last for a month or more." I was greatly relieved. +By that time a little private venture of my own might be bringing me +in some money. I told Mrs. Blake to present the dry goods as soon as I +was out of the house. I fancied they would have an indirect medicinal +effect on the sick woman.</p> + +<p>"I shall go home immediately and get Mrs. Reynolds to make some beef tea. +She will keep Mrs. Larkum supplied, I am sure, as long as there is need, +and I will either bring or send a bottle of wine directly," I said +encouragingly to Mr. Bowen, whose face under all circumstances seemed +to wear the same expression of perfect peace.</p> + +<p>"I have not language to express my gratitude, but you do not ask for +thanks." The assertion was something in the form of a question.</p> + +<p>"I have a feeling that you will make me the debtor before long," I +murmured softly, and then took my leave. Reynolds entered very heartily +into my scheme for relieving Mrs. Larkum, and Mrs. Flaxman, always eager +to help others when once her attention was aroused, packed a generous +hamper of wine and preserves, fresh eggs and prints of delicious Alderney +butter, and fresh fruits, with more solid provisions, and sent them +around by the uncomplaining Thomas, at an hour that suited his +convenience. Cook also gave me a good basket full of cooked provisions; +so I set out with Thomas very well provided for at least a week's siege. +I found Mrs. Blake still at the Larkums. She had been in the mean time +very busy getting them made comfortable; and while so doing had taken +minute stock of their ways and means. "I had no idea they was so bad +off," she assured me in whispered consultation. "There was the barrel of +flour she got with the money you give her, and not another airthly thing +in the house to eat but some salt and about a peck of potatoes."</p> + +<p>"Did Mr. Bowen know this morning there was so little?"</p> + +<p>"Sartinly; but I believe he'd starve afore he'd let on; he kinder looks +to the Lord for his pervisions, and he thinks it's a poor sort of faith +to ask human beings. I think he's most too good for such a forgetting +world as this is."</p> + +<p>"The Lord has provided abundantly to-day, Mrs. Blake."</p> + +<p>"I won't allow but somebody has. Maybe the Lord put it in your heart, I +can't say for sartin. It's a curious mixed up world, and we don't know +where men leaves off and the Lord begins; but that blind man is a +Christian, and if there is such a thing as religion he's got it and no +mistake."</p> + +<p>As I looked around at the changed appearance of everything about me I +concluded Mrs. Blake did the work of the Christian, even if she made no +profession. The house had been scrubbed, the stove nicely polished, and +the children's faces shone with the combined effects of soap and water +and the good cheer that was being provided.</p> + +<p>Mr. Bowen was sitting back, as if afraid of absorbing too much of the +heat, rocking the cradle and singing in a rich, low voice one of the most +beautiful hymns I ever heard, the look of peace that came from some +unseen source still lighting his face. With Mrs. Blake's assistance, and +with occasional exclamations of delight, on her part I unpacked the +hamper and then I took a little wine and a bunch of grapes in to Mrs. +Larkum. I was shocked at the change a few weeks had made in her +appearance. She saw the pained look in my face and her own countenance +fell.</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Blake told me you seemed sure I would get better. Do you think now +there is no hope?" she asked pitifully.</p> + +<p>"I shall not give you up until we try the effect of these," I said +cheerfully, putting the cup that contained the wine to her lips and +laying the grapes in her hand. She took a sip or two and then put +the cup aside. "I have eaten so little for several days you would soon +make me intoxicated with that rich wine. I never tasted any like it," she +said, with a pitiful attempt at a smile. I got out a slice of cook's +home-made bread, and toasting it before the fire, with Mrs. Blake's help, +we soon had a dainty lunch prepared for her with jelly, and a cup of tea +with real cream, an unknown delicacy in her cottage, floating on the top. +I carried it and watched while she ate it all. "Perhaps it may kill me," +she said, plaintively, "but I believe I am more hungry than sick. This +cold cut me right down, and I had nothing to tempt my appetite."</p> + +<p>"I believe Miss Selwyn is one of them wonderful people what has the gift +of healing. I've heard tell of 'em, but I never seen one," Mrs. Blake +said, regarding me at the same time very seriously.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't wonder," Mrs. Larkum responded calmly. "I made up my mind +only this morning it was useless for me to expect to get round again; and +I was nearly heartbroken thinking of poor father and the children going +on the parish."</p> + +<p>"A nice new frock, and good vittels ain't bad medsin for poor folks +sometimes," Mrs. Blake said dryly.</p> + +<p>"That is true; but I was feeling very low and weak," Mrs. Larkum said, +apologetically.</p> + +<p>"We all know that, and more'n yourself was afraid it might go hard with +you."</p> + +<p>"So we have decided that it was the food and clothes that have wrought +the miracle, and not any unusual healing virtues in me," I said, quite +relieved; for the change wrought was so sudden and great, I began to feel +uneasy lest I might be possessed unconsciously of some mysterious power.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Larkum smiled gently. "I am not sure of that. I find you always make +me happier whenever I see you. I seem to get a fresh hold on hope, as if +there might yet be something in store for us."</p> + +<p>"I understand why you feel that way. I am glad it is no mere inexplicable +experience." I went into the kitchen thinking to give Mr. Bowen and the +children a few of the surplus dainties.</p> + +<p>He had ceased singing, but was sitting with uplifted face, as if in deep +communion with God; his lips moved, but no sound escaped.</p> + +<p>The eldest boy seeing me hesitate came to my side and whispered softly. +"Mother says we are not to speak when grandfather looks like that—cos +he's praying." I stood holding the child's hand, an indescribable +sensation stealing over me while I stood gazing into the rapt, sightless +face.</p> + +<p>Never before in great cathedral, or humble church, had I felt the awful +presence of God as at that moment. A strange trembling seized me, and, +involuntarily I turned my head away, as if I were gazing too boldly upon +holy things. I was reminded of the ancient high priest of the Jewish +religion who, once a year, took his life in his hand, and went into the +Holy of Holies, to gaze on the Divine token.</p> + +<p>The child, too, stood silently with bated breath, perhaps more deeply +impressed than his wont at seeing my emotion. After awhile he pulled my +hand gently and then motioned for me to stoop down to him. I did so.</p> + +<p>"Grandad prays every day for you. I hear him myself." He looked up into +my face with a curious expression of importance at having such a secret +to tell, and surprise that I should need his grandfather's prayers.</p> + +<p>A sharp knock at the door broke the spell that was holding us in such +holy quiet.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake hastened to open it, when a strangely familiar voice sounded +on my ear.</p> + +<p>There was a hearty ring of welcome in her voice as she bade him welcome.</p> + +<p>"Come right in; you'll find things better'n you might expect."</p> + +<p>I turned to see who was coming. A swift and kindly look of recognition in +the deep, blue eyes took me back to my first experience of Cavendish; +and an instant after I recollected, with a good deal of satisfaction, +that it was the Rev. Mr. Lathrop, whom I first saw at Mrs. Daniel Blake's +funeral. He extended his hand with such hearty cordiality that I gave him +mine in return with a good bit of my heart along with it.</p> + +<p>"I am glad to see you here." It was not so much in the words themselves +as the way he spoke them, that such welcome meaning was conveyed.</p> + +<p>"Indeed, you may be," Mrs. Blake responded.</p> + +<p>I saw Mr. Bowen eagerly waiting to speak to his minister, and even the +children were edging up to him with expectant faces. "He always brings us +apples," my little lad explained to me in a whisper.</p> + +<p>With entire change of voice he turned to Mr. Bowen and said:—"How fares +it with you, brother, in the darkness?"</p> + +<p>"Well, all is well."</p> + +<p>In low, sympathetic tones he asked:—"He still provides songs in the +night?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, almost as sweet as if Heaven itself were stooping to hear."</p> + +<p>"You have learned the secret God reveals to but few of us."</p> + +<p>"Ah, brother, the fault is all in us, not in Him. Gracious as he is to +me, all might share with me in this blessed inheritance."</p> + +<p>Mr. Lathrop turned to me. "Our friend here certainly has meat to eat of +which very few get the full taste."</p> + +<p>"I did not know there could be such joy in religion. It is a revelation +to me, sir."</p> + +<p>"Yes, we go out of our way to help others, not expecting to be repaid, +and sometimes one of God's angels meets us in human guise, and brings us +a blessing compared with which our poor gift sinks into insignificance." +He spoke to me in a low-tone. Mr. Bowen could not hear; indeed he seemed +never to notice conversation not addressed to him personally. I fancied +that his own thoughts were more agreeable than average conversation. +I stood uncertainly, longing to remain to hear more of the conversation +passing between these two men, but afraid I might thereby violate some +unwritten social code. I knew very little of the relation between pastor +and people at that time, especially in America.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake possibly read my face. She came to me and said:—"Won't you +stay to prayers? I guess most all the churches'll listen to each other +reading the Scripters and praying. I know they'd take it as a favor." She +tried to speak softly but Mrs. Blake's voice had not been trained to fine +modulations, and I felt certain Mr. Lathrop overheard her remark.</p> + +<p>"I would like to stay if I am not intruding."</p> + +<p>"I guess the best of Christians never reckon folks in the way when +they're praying together, though I shouldn't say much about them, not +being one myself," she said, dryly.</p> + +<p>I sat down quite near to Mr. Bowen. I wanted to study his face, and as I +listened in silence, the conversation between the pastor and this member +of his flock was a new and beautiful revelation to me. The one seemed to +help the other, while no stain of worldliness marred the even flow of +their words. After awhile Mrs. Blake handed the minister a well-worn +Bible. He opened it and turned the leaves thoughtfully, pausing at last +at the 103d Psalm. I looked at Mr. Bowen while Mr. Lathrop was reading. +His lips were softly moving as if in responsive worship, the expression +of his face like a thanksgiving Psalm.</p> + +<p>A moment's pause in the reading while the leaves were turned, and then +the lesson was chosen from the 17th of St. John's Gospel and selections +from the ten last chapters of Revelation. I fancied that in the pause +between his reading the minister was asking to be directed to the right +passages. Every verse seemed to bring its own special consolation, and +I was almost as much impressed with the look on Mr. Bowen's face at last, +as by the words that fell on my ears. It reminded me of the faces the Old +Masters have left us of the saints and martyrs of the early church. +Perhaps they took their models from just such men as Mr. Bowen, whom +God had left in the furnace until his own image was reflected in them. +But my deepest emotions were stirred when, kneeling with the rest, I +listened to Mr. Lathrop's prayer.</p> + +<p>As I listened, I had no longer any doubt as to the future well-being of +this family; but, when just at the close of his prayer, my name was +mentioned, and the fulfillment asked for the promise given by Christ, +that even a cup of cold water given in his name should be rewarded, a +strange sense of awe came over me. Was it possible I had been giving +direct to Christ—visiting His sick, and poor, and sorrowing, and making +Him glad? My eyes filled with tears, and a deep longing took possession +of my heart to know this mighty Friend who died for me, in the same real, +blessed way that these men knew, and loved Him. There were few words +spoken after the prayer was ended. The place seemed holy ground and, +shortly after, Mr. Lathrop left, first going to the little lad who had +given me his whispered confidence, and dropped a few silver coins in his +chubby fist. He stood regarding the money complacently until the door had +closed on the minister, and then, going to his grandfather, he showed, +with great glee, his store of money.</p> + +<p>"We will have everything now that we want, won't we, grandfather?" he +questioned, placing the money in his grandfather's hands.</p> + +<p>"We will always have what is best for us, Freddie; but you must never +take the minister's money again. You should give to him, instead of +taking from him."</p> + +<p>"So I must," Freddie responded, rather sorrowfully; "but may I take his +apples?"</p> + +<p>"Well, yes; you may do that, and, some day, when you are a big boy, and +earning money, you can buy him a whole barrel full."</p> + +<p>"I might keep a few of them?" Freddie questioned, such extreme generosity +overpowering his imagination.</p> + +<p>"We will see when the time comes."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake beckoned me to her side, at the further end of the room.</p> + +<p>"I didn't give him these; I put 'em out of sight till you'd come."</p> + +<p>"But I wanted him to get them while I was away."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I know; but it'll be easier to thank you right off, when he's +surprised. My! he'd soon have been able to fly; his clothes is that +ragged."</p> + +<p>"Yes, they are very poor; but, some way, one don't see much but his face. +I forget that he is poor and ragged when I look at him."</p> + +<p>"We're not all so blind as that. I'm going now to tell him."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bowen, you'll think it never rains but it pours. I've another +surprise for you."</p> + +<p>"What is it?" He turned his face in the direction of her voice.</p> + +<p>"Miss Selwyn got you the finest piece of cloth I've sot eyes on this many +a day, to make you a new suit of clothes. Just feel of that, now."</p> + +<p>He stroked it softly for a moment, and then turned his flushed face to +me. "You will bankrupt us with your generosity, Miss Selwyn. But God will +pay you. He is rich and wise."</p> + +<p>"You are paying me, too, Mr. Bowen. Prayers are better than gold."</p> + +<p>He said nothing, but took up a fold of the cloth and stroked it, I +thought, lovingly.</p> + +<p>"I need no longer envy the swallows who build their nests in the eaves of +the Lord's house. How my soul will rejoice to meet once more with His +people! 'Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.'"</p> + +<p>For a moment he seemed to forget our presence. Mrs. Blake, always +practical, brought us all down to earth again by suggesting that we get +the suit made as soon as possible.</p> + +<p>"If the tailor will cut it for us, a few of us women folk will come in +and make it right off, so's he can get to meeting. Dan'el'll be glad to +come and take him there every Sunday."</p> + +<p>"I could lead grandfather," little Fred stoutly asserted. "I've been past +there lots of times."</p> + +<p>"Are women as good tailors as men?" I asked, doubtfully.</p> + +<p>"I reckon not; but they're enough sight cheaper, especially when they +work for nothing. Tailors is awful dear."</p> + +<p>"I want the clothes to look nicely. I will pay the tailor."</p> + +<p>"We can make the vest and pants well enough if he cuts 'em and makes the +coat. S'pose we call and see him on our way home?"</p> + +<p>I complied with her request, and found the tailor's establishment a very +humble affair on the Mill Road. Mrs. Blake negotiated with him entirely, +but he always directed his remarks to me.</p> + +<p>"If I hadn't a family of my own to support these hard times, I'd do it +for nothing," he assured me, over and over; "but I'll do it for half +price. My time, you know, is all the money I have, and one must look out +first for their own."</p> + +<p>I found he was a prosy, weak-minded creature, who, although time was so +precious, would have stood talking to me of its great value by the hour, +if I had patience to listen. I thanked him for his offer, but assured him +I would pay his usual price for the work. Mrs. Blake, however, stipulated +that she and her neighbors would relieve him of all but the coat, and I +could see he was not pleased with her interference. This matter settled, +I hastened home, very uncertain how Mr. Winthrop would regard so much of +my time being spent on the Mill Road, if he should discover I had been +there twice that day. When I got home Mrs. Flaxman told me he had asked +for me each time that I was there, but he did not say anything to me.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h2> + +<h3>A PLEASANT SURPRISE.</h3> + + +<p>"It would do you good to come to our meeting some Sunday, just to see Mr. +Bowen's face," Mrs. Blake remarked to me one day, some time after the +tailor and women folk had completed very satisfactorily their work.</p> + +<p>"I would like to go for other reasons than that. One is to hear your +minister pray once more, and also to hear him preach."</p> + +<p>"Can't you come next Sunday morning?"</p> + +<p>"Our service is at the same hour. I do not think Mr. Winthrop would like +me to leave our own church. He is very particular about such things."</p> + +<p>"I don't see why he should; for he don't set much store by religion."</p> + +<p>"He may give me permission to come some time."</p> + +<p>"I wish he would come too. Our meetings are so good now. Daniel has +perfessed religion."</p> + +<p>She spoke in such subdued fashion I looked at her in surprise, thinking +she might soon follow his example. I think she was waiting for me to say +something; but I felt myself so ignorant on this great subject, I knew +not what to say.</p> + +<p>"I've wished often of late that I'd never been born. Where I'm to go to +once the breath leaves my body, is an awful thought." She burst into a +fit of bitter weeping that frightened me.</p> + +<p>"Christ is very merciful," I faltered, not knowing what to say.</p> + +<p>"I've read that and heard it many a time; but we've been such a +heathenish lot, I'm afraid He's left us to ourselves."</p> + +<p>"If He has remembered Daniel, that should encourage you."</p> + +<p>"He's not lived without thinking of Him as many years as I have."</p> + +<p>She sat with bowed head, quietly weeping, the picture of despair. I +touched the hard, wrinkled hand that had so often generously ministered +to the wants of others.</p> + +<p>"Have you asked Christ to forgive you?"</p> + +<p>"Asked Him?" she sobbed, "I've been crying day and night for weeks; but +I'm only getting further away all the time."</p> + +<p>"Does your son, or Mr. Lathrop know?"</p> + +<p>"I reckon they don't. I was ashamed for any one to know; but I couldn't +help telling you."</p> + +<p>"I think it is because you are ashamed that Christ don't bless you."</p> + +<p>"I've felt I ought to get up and tell them in meeting what a sinner I've +been; but I've always prided myself on being as good as them that's made +a perfession, and they all know what a hard, proud wretch I am. I expect +they'd say I was a hypocrite."</p> + +<p>"I think if you confessed to your church what you have just told me, and +asked them to pray for you, God would make you His child. It seems to me +any petition Mr. Lathrop and Mr. Bowen would dare to present would be +received and granted."</p> + +<p>"It's hard on flesh and blood," she moaned.</p> + +<p>I saw she was in deep distress and could not understand why she was +unwilling to make the confession that might bring peace.</p> + +<p>"I wish I'd tended to this when I was young and my heart was easier made +new. It's next to impossible to make a crooked old tree turn and grow +straight."</p> + +<p>"With God nothing is impossible," I whispered encouragingly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, the minister said that last night, and looked straight at me. Maybe +he saw trouble in my face, and wanted to help me in spite of myself." +She grew calmer at last. "Now I won't worry you any longer, and I believe +I feel better for telling you. I mean to tell them to-night what a proud, +stubborn wretch I've been, and ask them to pray for me."</p> + +<p>She got up and put on her shawl with a resolute air as if her mind was +fully made up, no matter how hard the task might be.</p> + +<p>"We'll step in and see the Larkums. You'll hardly know them now, they're +so perked up and tidy. Deary me! how far a little help goes sometimes +when folks have a mind to help theirselves."</p> + +<p>On our way she said, with matter-of-fact calmness, at the same time +setting my blood thrilling through my veins: "I want you to talk with the +doctor. I just seen him going to see Mrs. Larkum, and that's what made me +hurry you off so soon from my place."</p> + +<p>"What do you want me to talk about?" I asked, with some surprise.</p> + +<p>"Well, he was looking at Mr. Bowen's eyes the other day, and he says they +can cure him up in New York, so he'll see just as well as ever."</p> + +<p>I stood perfectly still in the road, my surprise and gladness making me +forgetful of everything. "Can this be really true?" I gasped.</p> + +<p>"It's a fact; he told me so himself the last time he was there, all about +it. I can't just mind all the long words, 'twould take a dictionary to +follow him; but the long and the short of it is that he can go into a big +hospital, mostly for such things; and there's a great doctor there 'll do +it for nothing, provided Mr. Bowen lets a lot of students come and watch. +I guess that's the way the doctors gets their pay from poor folks; and +then, if they die, they have their bodies to cut and hack into. But Mr. +Bowen says they may bring all the people in the city if they want to. He +don't mind how many looks at him while they're fixing his eyes."</p> + +<p>"When will he go?"</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid that depends on you. We told the doctor so, and he asked what +made a young lady like you set such store by them?"</p> + +<p>"What reply did you give?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. Bowen answered for us. He said 'twas because you were one of the +Lord's children or was soon going to be; and one of them rare ones we +read of in books."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bowen is too partial to be a correct judge, I am afraid."</p> + +<p>"Well, the doctor kind of thought you'd find it pretty hard to be much of +a Christian at Oaklands; but Mr. Bowen said, not any harder than them +folks what had their heads cut off and were burnt for their religion."</p> + +<p>"Not any harder," I said, more to myself than to Mrs. Blake, but ah! how +hard it might be, only God could know.</p> + +<p>"But we must plan about Mr. Bowen. Will it cost very, very much?"</p> + +<p>"My, no; he's got a good suit of clothes, and that's the most that's +wanted. His fare from here to New York and back 'll be the heft of the +expense."</p> + +<p>"If that is all, he shall go to-morrow. I have more than enough money on +hand for that, and a good deal of incidental expense beside."</p> + +<p>"I reckon he'll pay you all back; for he was a prime book-keeper before +he lost his eyesight. He's a good scholar, too, and got a first-rate +salary."</p> + +<p>"Then he will leave me deeper in debt than ever."</p> + +<p>"What for?" she asked curiously.</p> + +<p>"Many things—his prayers most of all. Lessons of patience and faith, +too, that money never could buy."</p> + +<p>She remained silent until we reached Mrs. Larkum's. We found the doctor +there. He was an old acquaintance. I had met him at a good many evening +parties, and at a garden-party or two, where he had several times been my +partner in lawn tennis, and an excellent partner I had found him, making +up for any lack of skill on my part.</p> + +<p>His greeting was exceedingly cordial, and in a blunt way he plunged right +into the business in hand. "We are very glad to see you; we have some +grave advice to ask."</p> + +<p>"I feel quite elated at making one in a medical consultation," I said +with a smile.</p> + +<p>"I am not sure if you have not done more to restore health in this house +than I. The world is too slow recognizing other healers than those +embraced by the medical faculties."</p> + +<p>"It's my opinion doctors knows less than one thinks of folks' insides. +They're as apt to make mistakes about people dying or getting well as any +of us. I don't put near as much faith in 'em as the common run of folks," +Mrs. Blake said with delicious candor.</p> + +<p>"Really, I thought you had a better opinion of us as a profession than +that. If you get sick, you will of course dispense with our services."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake looked perplexed, but after a moment's hesitation she said:</p> + +<p>"If I was sick I'd want to see a doctor just as much as anybody. Their +medicine is all right; for God made that. It's their judgment that's so +onreliable."</p> + +<p>"And who is to blame for their judgment?" the doctor asked mischievously.</p> + +<p>She hesitated, but her mother wit soon extricated her from the +difficulty.</p> + +<p>"There's lots of folks doing what the Lord didn't intend them to +do—doctors as well as others."</p> + +<p>"Well done, Mrs. Blake, I will retire from the field before I am +annihilated altogether."</p> + +<p>"You needn't be in a hurry to go. We'd like to get this business +settled first," Mrs. Blake said, a trifle anxiously, misunderstanding +the doctor's meaning. He threw me a meaning glance, and afterward +whispered,—"That woman is a diamond in the rough. Given a fair start +in life, she would have found a proper sphere in almost any calling."</p> + +<p>"I believe she would. She has done more for me than any other single +individual."</p> + +<p>"She!" he asked with keen surprise.</p> + +<p>"Yes, she wakened me from selfish ease to see the sufferings of others, +and to realize my sisterhood to them."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but you must first have had a heart to be touched, or all the Mrs. +Blakes on this planet could not have wakened it."</p> + +<p>"Even allowing your words to be true, does it not show power amounting +very nearly to genius to be able to arouse another to a painful duty, and +help them to take hold of it—I won't say, manfully?"</p> + +<p>"No, a better word is needed in this case. Woman's fine sympathy and +instinct are too perfect to be called after any masculine term wholly +human."</p> + +<p>"You can pay nice compliments," I said, laughing. He bowed his head +gravely—a very fine and shapely head I noticed it was too, set well on +a neck and shoulders that betokened the trained athlete.</p> + +<p>"Now, doctor, Miss Selwyn can't generally stay loitering very long among +us Mill Roaders, and p'raps we'd better get our business done up right +away. Anyway if Mr. Bowen is anything like me, he's getting fidgetty by +this time to know if he's likely to get to them big city doctors."</p> + +<p>"I have grown too intimate with patience to be so easily disturbed," he +said, gently.</p> + +<p>"You would like to get your sight?" I questioned. He spoke so calmly, the +thought occurred he might have grown to love the hush of darkness. His +face flushed. I never knew before or since a person of his years who +colored so easily.</p> + +<p>"Only God can know how I have longed to see the light, and the face of my +fellow man; but I had no hope until Death opened my eyes."</p> + +<p>His voice trembled with emotion.</p> + +<p>"What a privilege to give that man his sight," I murmured to the doctor.</p> + +<p>"The privilege belongs to you, I believe."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no indeed. I was thinking of the skill of your profession. It seems +almost God-like."</p> + +<p>"We do our work mainly for money. In this case I am told you supply +that."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake was waiting impatiently.</p> + +<p>"What is to be done? Can Mr. Bowen go immediately?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"To-morrow, if he is ready. I have already written to the doctor who will +take charge of his case. He is famous for diseases of the eye, especially +cataract, which is the trouble here."</p> + +<p>"He will need some one to accompany him?" I asked anxiously. "This seemed +the chief difficulty now."</p> + +<p>"Not necessarily. The conductor is a kind-hearted fellow, and would see +to him. But a friend of mine is going to-morrow, and he will not leave +him until he sees him safe in the hospital."</p> + +<p>"Could he be ready so soon?" I turned with my question to Mrs. Blake.</p> + +<p>"I've got everything ready only just to pack in a valise—fine shirts and +all, we've sat up till after midnight making fine shirts and things, me +and two other women."</p> + +<p>"And you dare to say after that that it is I who must have the credit of +this?" I turned a look of reproach on the doctor, as I spoke the words so +low, only he could hear them.</p> + +<p>"Am I really going to-morrow?"—Mr. Bowen asked, his face turning deathly +pale,—"possibly to come back to see all your faces? Miss Selwyn, I hope +you will look to me as I have always pictured you."</p> + +<p>"I think she will not disappoint your expectations," the doctor said, +gallantly.</p> + +<p>"I dunno about that. I guess he most looks to see an angel," Mrs. Blake +remarked dryly. In the ripple of laughter that followed, I turned to +little Freddie who was crying softly with his face hidden in a chair.</p> + +<p>"What is the matter, my little man?"</p> + +<p>"Why you see, Miss Selwyn, Grandad's going away, and they're going to put +a sharp knife in his eyes; and maybe he will die." He burst into a louder +fit of weeping. His mother drew him hastily into her bedroom and shut the +door—her own face pale, and almost as sorrowful as the little lad's.</p> + +<p>"You must tell them there is no danger, doctor."</p> + +<p>I followed Mrs. Larkum into her room and found that she shared Freddie's +fears and grief.</p> + +<p>"There is not the slightest danger to life or health in the operation," I +assured her, when her countenance began to brighten.</p> + +<p>"You see we've had so much misfortune I can't sense that father may get +his sight, and we be comfortable as we used to be."</p> + +<p>"You must have faith in God. The darkest time has been with you 'the hour +before the dawn.' Now I will give you money for present necessities for +your father. If more is required, it will be provided when necessary." I +took out my purse which, now that I was earning money of my own, I +carried about with me quite recklessly, and gave her ten crisp notes that +would buy her father a good many necessaries, beside his car fare. She +did not try to thank me but her look was enough to assure me she +appreciated my efforts for their well-being.</p> + +<p>That evening, as I sat chatting by the dining-room fire with Mrs. +Flaxman, waiting for the dinner-bell to ring, I told her of the beautiful +surprise I had met that day, and how I had given them the money for him +to start the following morning in search of sight.</p> + +<p>"Why, where did you get the money? I thought you spent every cent except +your weekly allowance when we were in New York."</p> + +<p>I hesitated, flushing rather guiltily; for this was the first real secret +of my life.</p> + +<p>"You have not been selling your jewelry, I hope," she said, quite +sternly. "Mr. Winthrop would not easily forgive such an act, after you +had been entrusted with it too."</p> + +<p>"I have not sold anything that belonged to anyone but myself."</p> + +<p>She looked at me closely, and my eyes fell before her gaze. "It is not +idle curiosity, believe me, Medoline, that makes me so insistent. I wish +you would explain how you got the money. You are unacquainted with the +habits of this country, and may have been unwittingly led into some +indiscretion."</p> + +<p>"What I have done is a very common thing in Europe even among the best of +people."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean selling your cast-off garments?"</p> + +<p>"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, you have as poor an opinion of me as Mr. Winthrop. I +wonder what is the reason my friends have so little confidence in me?" I +said, despairingly.</p> + +<p>"But, dear, there is some mystery; and young ladies, outside of tragic +stories, are expected to live lives of crystal clearness."</p> + +<p>"I will tell you, for fear you imagine I have done some terrible thing. +When we were in New York, I hunted up a picture-dealer and submitted a +number of my sketches, that I had hidden away in my trunk, to him, and he +consented to act as my agent. For one good sized painting of Oaklands he +has given me fifty dollars. Perhaps that Mr. Bovyer bought it, I have +felt afraid that he did; but any way the money will do good; be the +indirect means of giving sight to one of Christ's own followers. All the +afternoon, like the refrain of some beautiful melody, those words have +been sounding in my ears: 'Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the +least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me.'" Over my burning +cheeks a few bitter tears were falling, while a mad desire seized me to +leave Oaklands, and the cold, selfish life it imposed, and try in some +purer air to live as conscience urged. I walked to the farthest end of +the long room without waiting for Mrs. Flaxman's reply, and stood looking +out into the bright moonlit air. Far away I could see the moonbeams +dimpling on the waters, making a long, shimmering pathway to the distant +horizon, while in the frosty sky a few bold stars were shining, scarce +dimmed by the moon's brightness. The thought came to me that, in a few +weeks, Mr. Bowen might be thrilled by just such a vision of delight. I +turned abruptly to tell Mrs. Flaxman I could never go back to the old +life of selfish ease, when such opportunities for helpfulness were given +me, when I met her face to face. She gave me a look I will never forget.</p> + +<p>"Medoline, can you forgive me those unjust suspicions?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, if you won't interfere with my picture selling," I said joyously.</p> + +<p>"Hush! Mr. Winthrop may hear you. I think he is coming. But you may sell +all the pictures you can, only don't speak of it now."</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop was waiting for us. As he looked at me he said:—"You seem +to have more mental sunshine than your share—your face is so bright. +Possibly you have been having a specially happy season with your bereaved +ones."</p> + +<p>"With one of them I have been more than happy."</p> + +<p>"May I ask the name of this favored individual?"</p> + +<p>"It is Mr. Bowen, the blind man."</p> + +<p>"Ah, then, you are finding the widowers most congenial. They do not +dissolve into tears so readily as the widows; and there may be other +fascinations. Really, I shall be compelled to forbid such intimacies."</p> + +<p>"He is going to New York to-morrow morning, with the expectation of +having his sight restored, after being blind nearly twelve years."</p> + +<p>"I presume he is very poor, else you would not take such strong interest +in him."</p> + +<p>"He has no money. In other respects he is the richest person I ever +knew."</p> + +<p>"Ah, he is a most remarkable individual. However, I dare say a little +money will not come amiss to him, notwithstanding his wealth. You will +want another quarter's instalment."</p> + +<p>"Is my quarter up?" I caught Mrs. Flaxman's warning look, and spoke +rather guiltily.</p> + +<p>"Not quite, but this is a peculiarly urgent case. Probably he is wholly +dependent on your bounty."</p> + +<p>"Doctor Mackenzie told me that the doctor in New York won't charge +anything for removing the cataract from his eyes."</p> + +<p>"I see you have gone about it, in a very businesslike manner. Does +MacKenzie charge for his advice?"</p> + +<p>"Why, no, indeed; surely all men are not heartless."</p> + +<p>"In money matters they are, more or less; possibly widowers should be +excepted."</p> + +<p>"It is a pity some others should not lose a wife or two. A few might +require to lose half a dozen, at least."</p> + +<p>"That would be cruel. Think what an upsetting of one's plans and business +arrangements generally that would entail."</p> + +<p>"It might prove an excellent discipline. Nothing short of an earthquake, +I believe, would teach some men kindliness and their brotherhood with +pain."</p> + +<p>He received my remark with such unruffled serenity that I was angry with +myself for engaging in a wordy warfare with him, when he was sure to be +victorious. He sat with us for a short time after dinner, chatting so +graciously that I came to the conclusion he was not, after all, so out of +sympathy with my little benevolent projects as his words often implied. +When he rose to go he came to me, and, taking out his pocket-book counted +out fifty dollars and laid them in my hand. He paused a moment with the +pocket-book still open.</p> + +<p>"This is a special case, little one," he said, kindly. "May I be +permitted to contribute something for your friend?"</p> + +<p>He laid another note in my hand, but I did not wait to see the amount. I +started to my feet impulsively.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, I must confess to you. I have not been real honest. +Won't you forgive me?"</p> + +<p>I felt the tears rush to my eyes, and my lips quivered like some +frightened child's, making me feel sadly ashamed of myself. He looked +startled.</p> + +<p>"What is it, Medoline?"</p> + +<p>"I earned the money myself. I have been selling pictures."</p> + +<p>"Is that the worst offense you have to confess?" he asked, with a keen +look into my upturned face.</p> + +<p>"It is the worst just now," I faltered.</p> + +<p>"Very well, then, I will forgive you; but I must stipulate to see your +pictures before they go to market after this, and also that you consult +with me first before launching into other business enterprises. You might +be tempted with something not quite so suitable for a young lady as +picture-selling."</p> + +<p>"You are so kind to me, Mr. Winthrop, I will tell you everything after +this."</p> + +<p>"No rash promises, please. Before the winter is over you will be plunged +into tears and distress again over some fresh exploit."</p> + +<p>"I won't mind a few tears if I get your forgiveness in the end."</p> + +<p>He went directly to his study, leaving Mrs. Flaxman and myself to the +cheerful quiet of our fireside. She turned to me saying,</p> + +<p>"Tell me all about your blind friend, Medoline. How you first got to know +him, and what he is like."</p> + +<p>I very gladly gave her as full a picture as I was able of the Larkums and +Mr. Bowen, their poverty and his goodness included.</p> + +<p>"You have made all these discoveries in a few months, and been doing so +much for them, and here have I been living beside them for years and did +not even know of their existence. What makes the difference in us, +Medoline?" she exclaimed sorrowfully.</p> + +<p>"I think God must have planned my meeting in the train with Mrs. Blake. I +would not have known but for her."</p> + +<p>"I expect He plans many an opportunity for us to serve our generation, +but we are too selfishly indolent to do the work he puts in our way."</p> + +<p>"When I came to Oaklands at first it seemed as if my life was completed, +and I wondered how I was to occupy the days, and years stretching out so +long before me. Now I believe I could find work to occupy me for a +thousand years; that is, if Mr. Winthrop lived too, and continued to help +me with my reading and studies," I added, thinking how much the latter +employment added to my enjoyment.</p> + +<p>"If Mr. Bowen gets his eyesight, that will be a greatly added source of +satisfaction to you," she said, wistfully.</p> + +<p>"Yes, I shall seem to be looking at the green fields, and flowers, and +starry skies through his eyes."</p> + +<p>"You are as glad to have him so richly benefited through your means, as +if he were rich and famous."</p> + +<p>"Why, much more so. Think what a change there will be in his +circumstances now."</p> + +<p>"Medoline, I think your mother's prayers will be answered."</p> + +<p>I turned around eagerly, "Was she a real Christian, Mrs. Flaxman?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, a real one, especially after her children were born. Her great +desire for them was that they might all be pure and unspotted from the +world. All of them, save you, are with her in Heaven. You may have a life +of peculiar temptation, but I believe you will be brought out of it among +the pure in heart at last."</p> + +<p>"Why should my life have peculiar temptations, Mrs. Flaxman?" I asked +anxiously.</p> + +<p>"I cannot explain to you now my reasons for thinking so. Some day I may +tell you."</p> + +<p>"I suppose it is because I am not like other girls of my age," I said +with a sigh.</p> + +<p>"No dear, that is not the reason. I should not have spoken so +unguardedly."</p> + +<p>"I might try to overcome the temptations if I were warned of their +nature."</p> + +<p>"You are a persevering child, Medoline—but still only a child in heart."</p> + +<p>"I am over eighteen, Mrs. Flaxman. I wonder why you and Mr. Winthrop +persist in making me out a child. When will I be a woman?"</p> + +<p>"Not till your heart gets wakened."</p> + +<p>"I wonder when that will be. Does it mean love and marriage, Mrs. +Flaxman?"</p> + +<p>"It means the former; the latter may not follow with you."</p> + +<p>"Why not? But there, I do not want to leave you and Mr. Winthrop and +Oaklands. No man could tempt me from you. But what did you mean by saying +that I might love and yet not marry?"</p> + +<p>"Because you are too true to your woman's instincts to marry any one +unless it was the man you loved."</p> + +<p>I fell into a brown study over her words, and the conversation was not +again resumed.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h2> + +<h3>HOPE REALIZED.</h3> + + +<p>Mrs. Larkum's recovery was slow, and it required all the nourishing food +we could provide to start the springs of life working healthfully. Her +mind had dwelt so long upon her bereavement, and dark outlook into the +future that a naturally robust, and well-fed person might have succumbed, +but when to a delicate organization had been added the most meagre fare +possible to support human existence, it was no wonder nature rebelled. +It was a new experience to me, and a very agreeable one, to watch the +pinched faces of the children grow round and rosy, and to hear their +merry laughter.</p> + +<p>The mother waited with feverish anxiety for tidings from her father, but +for several weeks no word came; at last she began to fear he might have +died under the strain of the operation. Mrs. Blake began to get anxious +too, while there flitted before her fancy gruesome thoughts as to what +might have been done to the poor body left to the care of those heartless +doctors.</p> + +<p>"I can't see why they take such delight in mangling dead people to see +how they are put together. With all their trying they'll never be able +to make a body themselves."</p> + +<p>"It is in that way they have learned how to cure diseases and relieve +pain," I assured her. "We ought to be grateful to them for taking so +much trouble to relieve us of our miseries."</p> + +<p>"I dare say we'd ought, I never thought of it that way before; in fact +I've been rather sot ag'in doctors. Perhaps if they hadn't cut into dead +folks' eyes, they couldn't have done for the likes of Mr. Bowen."</p> + +<p>"Assuredly not; and sometimes the very greatest doctors bequeathe their +own bodies to the dissecting room; especially if they die of some +mysterious disease."</p> + +<p>"That is good of them. I've always reckoned doctors a pretty tight lot, +who worked for their money jest the same's the Mill hands."</p> + +<p>"No doubt many of them do; but some of them are almost angelic in their +sympathy for the suffering, and their longing to lessen it."</p> + +<p>"I believe you can see more goodness in folks than any one I know. Now +when I get cross with folks when they don't do as I think they ought, +what you say comes to my mind; and before I know I get to making excuses, +too. It's done me a sight of good being with you."</p> + +<p>"And you have done me good,—taken me out of self, and taught me to think +of others. I do not know how I should have been filling up my vacant +hours but for you."</p> + +<p>"I wish somebody would say that much to me," Mrs. Larkum said, +sorrowfully. "I don't think I am any use to any one."</p> + +<p>"With these lovely children to care for, what more can you ask than to +work for them?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I forget charity begins at home."</p> + +<p>"If you hadn't fell in with me that day in the cars, and got helping us +here on the Mill Road you'd a found some other good work to do. Most +young ladies like you would a turned up their noses at a plain old +creature like me, skeered most out of their wits, talking so bold like +as I did; but you answered me so kind like, I never thought you were +anything but common folks like myself."</p> + +<p>"I am very thankful to God you did meet her that day. Most like I would +have been dead by this time, and father and the children on the parish," +Mrs. Larkum said, with a shudder.</p> + +<p>"Yes, I am right glad, myself," Mrs. Blake said, very complacently.</p> + +<p>"She might have been amusing herself visiting with the aristocracy," Mrs. +Larkum continued, "and dressing up every fine day, instead of coming +among us, bringing better than sunshine with her. Dr. MacKenzie told me +folks wondered at her coming among us so much; but he said he wished +more of her class was like her."</p> + +<p>"Now I must leave you;" I said, rising suddenly. "When you begin to +praise me, I shall always go away."</p> + +<p>"Don't you like us to tell you how much you have helped us?" Mrs. Larkum +asked wistfully. "It does me so much good to talk about you."</p> + +<p>"I believe helping you gives me more pleasure than anything I do; so why +thank me for what I enjoy?"</p> + +<p>"You won't mind your own kind talking about you coming to us, and doing +so much for the poor, will you?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly not. While I am not dependent on my neighbors for my peace of +mind, I will come to see you two as often as I can do anything for you."</p> + +<p>"I am glad to hear that; I don't get over one of your visits for days. +They brace me up to take hold of life, and do the best I can for father +and the children."</p> + +<p>"I guess if folks does talk about you, they talked about one that was +better'n any of us. I was reading the other day about the respectable +ones in their days complaining how Christ eat with publicans and +sinners," Mrs. Blake said, giving me one of her strong encouraging +glances.</p> + +<p>"Thank you, Mrs. Blake; after that I can brave any criticism."</p> + +<p>A few days later I walked in the early afternoon to the Mill Road. Cook +had prepared some special dainties for Mrs. Larkum; so with a small lunch +basket on my arm I started on my errand of mercy.</p> + +<p>I had been standing at my easel a good part of the forenoon, and the +satisfaction that comes from faithful work done, together with the +assurance from Mrs. Larkum that my visits carried with them something +better than sunshine, I trod swiftly over the frozen streets, quite +content with life and its developments. I met Dr. MacKenzie on the way. +He stopped to shake hands, and with an almost boyish eagerness, said: +"Have you heard the news?"</p> + +<p>"Not anything special. I hope you have some good news for me."</p> + +<p>"Well, our friend Mr. Bowen has been heard from. The doctor has performed +his miracle."</p> + +<p>"Can he see as well as ever?" I cried joyously.</p> + +<p>"I believe so."</p> + +<p>I could not keep back the troublesome tears. "I am so glad you told me," +I murmured, and then nodded my adieus rather abruptly, for I was ashamed +of my emotion. It seemed perfectly fitting to me, as I walked briskly +along, that Dr. MacKenzie should be the first to tell me the news; for, +but for him, we should never have thought of making the experiment. That +very evening I met him at a party at Mrs. Silas Markham's, when he gave +me the full particulars I was too tender hearted to hear in the morning. +In answer to his inquiries, the occulist had written to him some special +circumstances of the case. He described Mr. Bowen's extreme patience. +"Such an instance of perfect trust in God is refreshing to meet with," +he wrote; "and but for this his case would probably have proved hopeless, +since it was one of the worst cases we have treated successfully."</p> + +<p>"His religion has helped him wonderfully all through his terrible +affliction. I wonder will he be just as devout as ever?" I said.</p> + +<p>"I think so. He is not made of the stuff that forgets favors received +from God or man."</p> + +<p>"I think he will have stronger reasons than mere gratitude to keep him +close to the Lord," I said, thinking of the joy he had in communion with +the Divine, even amid his darkness and poverty.</p> + +<p>That same day, after leaving the doctor, I proceeded first to Mrs. +Blake's to tell her the news. She threw a shawl over her head and +accompanied me directly to Mrs. Larkum's. We found her sitting in a +comfortable, though rather ancient easy-chair, which I had exhumed, along +with a good many other useful articles, from the garret at Oaklands. The +two older children we interrupted taking a lesson at their mother's knee. +The primer was gladly laid aside, while the children came coyly to my +side, quite certain there was a delectable bite for them somewhere in my +pockets. I dismissed that care from my mind by dividing the sweets, and +then gave Mrs. Larkum her lunch. She sat enjoying the dainty food, +sharing now and then a taste with the little ones, who had a keen +appreciation for Oaklands' cookery. I sat watching the group, glancing +now and then at Mrs. Blake's eloquent face with a good deal of +satisfaction. I was anxious to break the news carefully and scarce knew +how to begin, when Mrs. Larkum looked up at me eagerly and said:</p> + +<p>"Have you any news from father?"</p> + +<p>"What makes you think she has news?" Mrs. Blake asked.</p> + +<p>"I dreamed last night you brought me a letter, and I was afraid to open +it, and woke up all trembling and frightened. When I saw you coming +to-day, my heart stood still for a second or two."</p> + +<p>"Your dream is partly true, only the news is good. Dr. MacKenzie told me +they have every hope that your father will see as well as ever."</p> + +<p>I was not prepared for the effect, my words produced. A pallor overspread +her face; before Mrs. Blake could reach her she had fainted. That good +woman was always ready for any emergency. She very calmly laid her down +on the floor and proceeded to bring her back to consciousness. The +children raised a dismal wail; but this she instantly quieted by marching +them off to the bedroom.</p> + +<p>While she applied cold water vigorously, and rubbed the nerveless hands, +I asked in much alarm, seeing how long and deathlike was her swoon: "Is +she really dead?"</p> + +<p>"Bless you, no. She's one of them high-strung women that takes everything +hard. She fainted over and over when her husband was fetched home dead. I +did think then she'd drop off; but joy don't kill like trouble."</p> + +<p>Presently the poor creature struggled back to consciousness.</p> + +<p>"I am afraid I have frightened you," she said, with a feeble attempt at +apology.</p> + +<p>"Pray do not think of us. I may have been to blame in breaking the news +so suddenly."</p> + +<p>"No, indeed; the fault was not in you; but I have had so many shocks the +least thing upsets me. Dr. MacKenzie told me that my heart is not in a +healthy state."</p> + +<p>"I should say that was the matter with your whole body. It's a pretty +rickety concern, like my old rocking-chair. Every day I'm looking for +it to go to pieces under me," Mrs. Blake remarked.</p> + +<p>"I am not nearly so bad as that; I do not expect to fall to pieces for a +good many years, now that father has got his sight. He will be able to +keep us comfortable, like we used to be years ago."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake having got her patient back into the chair, administered wine +and water to prevent a recurrence of the malady.</p> + +<p>A week or two after this Esmerelda informed me one morning that there +were great rejoicings in the Mill Road.</p> + +<p>"I think they would like to see you there. I heard Mr. Bowen and some of +them talking about you last night, after meeting."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bowen—was he there?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes; and he sees as well as anybody."</p> + +<p>"I will go to-day," I said, with difficulty restraining my delight.</p> + +<p>"Some of the people who attend Beech Street Church think you are a little +above everybody in Cavendish."</p> + +<p>Esmerelda spoke with great cordiality. Now that I had been to New York, +and the dressmakers there had transformed me, outwardly, into a +fashionable woman, I noticed that her respect had considerably increased; +and, furthermore, that some of her own costumes had been made in almost +exact imitation of mine. No higher compliment than this could Esmerelda +have paid me; neither could I help acknowledging that she looked very +graceful and lady-like in her Sunday garment, and often I fell to +speculating how she would have appeared if half her life had been spent +at a first-class boarding-school. A painful sensation, probably akin to +jealousy, suggested that probably she would have satisfied my guardian's +fastidious tastes better than I could ever do.</p> + +<p>But I could never treat her in the same cordial way that I treated +Mrs. Blake and the Larkums, and several others of her class. These +instinctively made me feel that, no matter how friendly I might be, there +was no danger of their trying to assert an equality, which I suppose has +existed among the members of the human family since shortly after the +expulsion from Eden. With Esmerelda the case was different.</p> + +<p>That day I betook myself to the Mill Road with a good deal of expectancy. +I was anxious to see the look of recognition in those once sightless, +disfigured eyes, and to hear how the long-concealed delights of a visible +world once more appeared. As I was walking rapidly along the street, I +saw, approaching me on the Mill Road, one whom I had never noticed there +before. He walked with a quick, energetic step, as if existence was a +rapture and yet I saw, beneath the soft felt hat, gray hairs that +betokened him a man past the prime of life. Strange to say, I did not +recognize the pedestrian and was surprised to see him pause, and hold out +his hand uncertainly, as if he were hardly sure of my identity.</p> + +<p>"I think this is Miss Selwyn." Swiftly the assurance came to me that this +was Mr. Bowen.</p> + +<p>"Is it possible you should first recognize me? I did not for an instant +think it was you."</p> + +<p>"I had the conviction all along that I should know you, no matter where +our first meeting might take place."</p> + +<p>"Persons are generally disappointed in the looks of their friends after +sight has been restored. You must be an exception to the general rule, or +else your perceptions are keener than the average sufferers from loss of +sight." I looked closely into the eyes of my companion, and saw that they +were unusually fine and expressive. He turned with me, saying, with a +beautiful deference:</p> + +<p>"May I walk back with you?"</p> + +<p>"I shall be disappointed if you do not give me a little of your time. I +only heard to-day that you were at home, and have come on purpose to see +you. My curiosity has been extreme to know how the world looks after your +long night."</p> + +<p>"Nearly everything is changed, but mostly man and his works. When the +bandages were finally removed, and all the other necessary restrictions, +I asked to have my first glimpse of the outer world into the starry +night. I do not think our language has a well deep enough to express what +I felt in that first glimpse. But the human faces are sadly changed. +Poverty and care, I find, are not beautifiers. My own daughter looks a +stranger; only when I hear her speak. My own face surprised me most. It +is changed past recognition."</p> + +<p>He spoke a little sadly. I could think of no comforting words. After we +had walked on some time in silence, he said:</p> + +<p>"I do not think the revelations after death will be any stranger than +those of the past few weeks. My blindness and restoration to sight have, +in a measure, anticipated the full return of all the faculties that +death, for a brief season, takes from us."</p> + +<p>"Do you think any experience we have in this world touches on those +mysteries of the first hours of immortal life? I cannot imagine any +sensation that will be common to the two existences."</p> + +<p>"There is certainly one—probably very, very many. I cannot believe +there will be much change in the relationship that exists between the +consecrated soul and its centre of attraction. Deepened, intensified, it +no doubt will be; but not radically changed."</p> + +<p>My thoughts instantly turned to the words the oculist had written. No +wonder a man living so far within the confines of the unseen should be +able to exercise almost superhuman patience under the most trying +exigencies of life. When we reached the broken gate leading into the +house, he paused and turned to me. He was silent for a few seconds, and +then said, apparently with an effort: "I want to thank you for what you +have done for me. Last night, on my way home from the house of prayer, I +was hunting up the constellations that once I loved to trace and call by +name, and, in some way, you were brought to mind with all that you have +generously done for me; and then, and there, I tried to frame some words +of gratitude by which to express what I felt. In Heaven I may be able; +for only there we shall have language for our utmost stretch of thought."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps before we meet there, as I pray God we may do, I may have more +reason for gratitude than you. Have you not told me that your daily +prayer is for my salvation?"</p> + +<p>I said good-bye hurriedly without waiting for a reply, and turned my face +homeward. Gradually there was coming into my heart the hope that ere long +I might come into the same wealthy place where he walked with such +serenity even amid life's sore trials.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h2> + +<h3>CHRISTMAS-TIDE.</h3> + + +<p>Christmas was rapidly approaching, and the pleasant English custom of +celebrating it with good cheer, and in a festive way, Mrs. Flaxman told +me, was a fixed rule at Oaklands. The dinner provided for the master's +table was sufficient in quantity for every member of the household to +share, down to the ruddy-haired Samuel. In addition to this, Mr. Winthrop +remembered each one of his domestics when distributing his Christmas +gifts. Mrs. Flaxman confided to me that Samuel was consumed with a desire +to have his gift in the shape of a watch. I proceeded forthwith to +gratify, if possible, this humble ambition, and first went to the +different jewelers' establishments in Cavendish to see how much one would +cost. On careful examination I was surprised to find a fine large watch +could be got so reasonably. At the time I was as ignorant as Samuel +himself of the interior mechanism of these clever contrivances to tell +the hours. The day before Christmas I presented myself as was always the +case, with some trepidation, before my guardian, following him into the +library shortly after breakfast, even though I knew it was his busiest +hour.</p> + +<p>"I wish to consult with you about a couple of my Christmas gifts," I said +directly, "if you have leisure to give me a few moments."</p> + +<p>"I am never too busy to hear anything you may wish to say, especially +anything in connection with your benevolent projects," he said, quite +genially.</p> + +<p>"Are you going to buy the stable boy a watch?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly not anything so unnecessary for that wooden-headed youth. I +doubt if he could make out the hour if he possessed one."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes he could. Boys are not nearly so stupid as you might imagine," I +responded assuringly. "He is very anxious for one. I have been examining +the jeweller's stock and can get a very nice-looking watch for five +dollars. I was surprised, and think they are marvels of cheapness."</p> + +<p>"You go entirely by looks, I see, in the matter; but that is all that +bright-hued youth will require. Yes, by all means get the watch. Thereby +you will add considerably to the pile of human happiness, for a short +time, at all events."</p> + +<p>"Would five dollars be too high to pay for one?" I asked doubtfully.</p> + +<p>"If you can secure one at a lower price do so by all means," he said with +apparent sincerity.</p> + +<p>"There were some for two and a half dollars; but they looked rather large +for a boy of his size."</p> + +<p>"The less boy the more watch, I should say; but be sure and get a large +chain. If the watch gets to be trying on his nerves, he can use the chain +to put an end to his troubles."</p> + +<p>"If he needed them, there are plenty of straps and rope ends about the +stable; but Samuel enjoys life too keenly to be easily disconcerted at a +few trials. I was looking at the chains too. I did not know before that +jewelry was so low priced."</p> + +<p>"Yes?" he responded, more as a question than affirmation.</p> + +<p>"I saw elegant watch chains at one of the stores for fifty cents. I told +the clerk who I wanted them for, and he very kindly interested himself, +and showed me some that he called 'dead bargains.'"</p> + +<p>"Go then, by all means, and secure a bargain for the boy. I will advance +the money."</p> + +<p>"Oh, thank you, I prefer making the gift myself. I want also to get +something for Thomas, and I cannot think of anything but a gun or a book. +Do you know if he likes to shoot things?"</p> + +<p>"If Thomas developed a taste for fire-arms he might take to shooting +promiscuously, and life at Oaklands would no longer be so safe as at +present. I should certainly advise a book."</p> + +<p>"But some of them say he cannot read."</p> + +<p>"It is high time, then, for him to learn. Thomas is a marvel of thrift, +and he won't be satisfied to have the book bring in no return. A school +book would be a judicious selection."</p> + +<p>"I saw a book down town about horses and their diseases and treatment. +Cook says, 'Thomas dearly loves to fix up medicines for his horses.'"</p> + +<p>"Very well. Now that matter is settled, have you any further inquiries to +make about Christmas presents?"</p> + +<p>"Not any more, thank you."</p> + +<p>"Then I will tell you a bit of news. I expect Mr. Bovyer here this +evening. It is a great favor for him to confer on us at this +season—coming to brighten our Christmas."</p> + +<p>"I fancied we had the prospect of a very joyous Christmas without help +from abroad. To look at the pantry one might imagine we were going to +entertain half of Cavendish to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"I noticed a wistful look on your face when you came in that the purchase +of a gun and watch could not wholly account for. Tell me, what is it?"</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop, can you really read my thoughts?" I exclaimed, in genuine +alarm.</p> + +<p>"Suppose I try. You would like to have a spread for your Mill Road +pensioners; possibly at the Blakes or among some of them, and thereby +utilize our overplus of provisions. Have I read aright?" My face flushed +hotly, for this certainly had been in my mind for days; but I had not +courage to make the request.</p> + +<p>"You do not answer my question," he said, after awhile, seeing me stand +silent.</p> + +<p>"One cannot be punished for their thoughts, Mr. Winthrop."</p> + +<p>"Then this was your thought?" he questioned.</p> + +<p>"Surely you must be angry with me for wishing to do it. I did not mention +it to Mrs. Flaxman, or any one."</p> + +<p>"Why, not, indeed. If cook is willing to share her good things with the +Mill Road people, and Mrs. Flaxman will accompany you to preserve the +proprieties, I do not see anything to hinder. I will provide all the +apples and confectionery your hungry crowd can consume for dessert."</p> + +<p>I stood in amazement, scarce knowing how to express my gratitude. A +sudden desire seized me to put my arms around his neck and give him a +genuine filial caress.</p> + +<p>"I wish you were my father, Mr. Winthrop," I exclaimed, impulsively.</p> + +<p>"Why so?"</p> + +<p>"I might be able then to thank you in some comfortable fashion."</p> + +<p>"I understand what you mean, little one. I told you once that I was not +anxious to have you regard me in a filial way." Then turning the subject +abruptly he said:</p> + +<p>"You can make all your arrangements regardless of any reasonable expense. +One may permit themselves to be a trifle generous and childish once a +year. If you see any more remarkable bargains, you can secure them and +have a Christmas tree. Have the goods charged to me."</p> + +<p>I did not attempt a reply. My heart just then was too near bubbling over +to permit speech to be safe or convenient. I slipped quietly from the +room. I had a comfortable feeling that my guardian could actually read my +thoughts, and knew how I regarded his act and himself.</p> + +<p>I went directly to Mrs. Flaxman. She entered cordially into my plans, but +looked a good deal surprised when I told her it was Mr. Winthrop's +suggestion.</p> + +<p>"I believe, dear, in your unselfish, impulsive way, you have taken the +very wisest possible course with him. I never hoped to see this day."</p> + +<p>"I believe it amuses him. I have the impression that he is working me up +into a book, only making me out more ridiculous than he ought. You cannot +imagine how I long, and yet dread to see the book."</p> + +<p>"But he does not write stories; so you need not be troubled about that."</p> + +<p>"He can write them if he chooses, and very clever ones too, I am certain. +He may be encouraging me to go on just to find out how it will all end, +but I am only one in a universe full of souls; and if others, many +others, get benefited, there will be far greater gain than loss."</p> + +<p>"That is the true, brave spirit to have, and the only kind that will +bring genuine happiness."</p> + +<p>"Now to return to our festival. Do you think cook will be willing to +share her abundance with us?"</p> + +<p>"Go and ask her, I do not think she will disappoint you."</p> + +<p>I went directly to the large, cheery kitchen, a favorite haunt of mine +of late. It was always so clean and homely, and cook was usually in a +gracious mood and permitted me to assist in any of her culinary +undertakings when I was so minded.</p> + +<p>Among my other enterprises I had an ambition to become a practical +housekeeper in case I might some day be married to a poor man, and have a +family to bake and brew for with my own hands.</p> + +<p>When I entered the kitchen I found her more than usually busy, with both +Reynolds and Esmerelda pressed into the service.</p> + +<p>"Shall we ever get all your dainties eaten? Won't they spoil on your +hands?"</p> + +<p>"I dare say some of them will; but Christmas time we expect a little to +go to waste."</p> + +<p>"Don't you give away some?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"All that's asked for."</p> + +<p>"I am so glad to hear it. I want some ever so much."</p> + +<p>"What's up now?" she asked, scarcely with her accustomed deference.</p> + +<p>"I want so much to have a little treat for my friends, if you will only +help. It all depends on you."</p> + +<p>"Why certainly; it's my place to cook for all the parties you choose to +make. It's not my place to dictate how the victuals is to be used."</p> + +<p>"You do not understand me. It is not here that I wish to entertain my +friends. Mr. Winthrop has given his permission, on condition you are +willing." She was greatly mollified at this and responded heartily. "Of +course I'm willing; and, bless me, there's plenty to give a good share to +them that needs it; and I guess it's them you're wanting to give it to."</p> + +<p>"Thank you very, very much. Now you must come to my Christmas tree, and +see how much pleasure you have been able to confer. Without your consent +nothing would have been done."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I'll come and help you too, and you'll need me," she said, with +much good humor. I did not wait long in the kitchen, so much now must be +done. Alas, Christmas day was so near I could not celebrate my festival +on that day; but another day might find us just as happy; and after all +it would be "curdling" too much joy into one of the shortest of our days.</p> + +<p>I put on my wraps and went immediately to confer with Mrs. Blake. I found +her, like every one else, in the midst of busy preparations for +Christmas.</p> + +<p>"Dan'el got me a twelve-pound turkey and lots of other things; and he +wants a regular old-fashioned Christmas, with all the Larkums here; and +then I have one or two little folks I'm going to have in to please +myself. Poor little creatures, with a drunken father and no mother worth +speaking about."</p> + +<p>"Have you very much trade now?"</p> + +<p>"Well, consid'able; but if you're wanting me for anything I can set up +later to-night."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, indeed. I just wanted to consult you about something, and I will +help you stone these raisins while I sit with you."</p> + +<p>"Dear heart, you needn't do that; I'll get the pudding made in plenty of +time, but what kindness have you in your plans now?"</p> + +<p>"A Christmas tree. I want you to tell me what to do, and where to have +it."</p> + +<p>"Why, the Temperance Hall, of course, just past the mills. I guess you've +never seen it."</p> + +<p>"That will be excellent. I did not know you had one here. Now, when shall +we have it? To-morrow will be too soon, I am afraid."</p> + +<p>"Yes, and it seems a pity to have so many good things all to onct. Most +everybody has a Christmas of some sort. How would Friday do."</p> + +<p>"Very nicely. That will be two days after Christmas. Little folks will +have recovered from the effects of their feasting by that time."</p> + +<p>"Well, Dan'el 'll get a tree and fix up the Hall; and tell, then, who +you'll want to invite."</p> + +<p>"All the children on the Mill Road may come. We will have something for +each of them."</p> + +<p>"I'm very glad; for there's a few children around here that hardly knows +what it is to have anything good to eat; and it'll be something for 'em +to think and talk about. They'll not forget it, or you, for a good many +years, I can tell you. If rich folks only knew how much good they might +do, I think they'd not be so neglectful."</p> + +<p>I soon left Mrs. Blake to continue her Christmas preparations alone, +feeling much relieved that Daniel was going to assume the responsibility +of securing the Hall, providing the tree, and notifying my guests. I got +my presents for Thomas and Samuel, and then set about the purchase of +gifts for the Christmas tree. Picture-books, jack-knives, dolls, and +other toys comprised my selection. These, I concluded, would give the +children more pleasure than the more necessary articles which an older +and wiser person would naturally have selected. I had got so absorbed in +my work that I quite forgot our expected guest until I went into the +dining-room, unfortunately a little late, and found them already engaged +at dinner, and Mr. Bovyer with them. Mr. Winthrop explained my tardiness +in such a way that I was left a little cross and uncomfortable, and took +my dinner something after the fashion of a naughty child suffering from +reproof. Before the evening was over, however, I had forgotten my passing +dissatisfaction; for Mr. Bovyer was in one of his inspired moods when he +sat at the piano.</p> + +<p>I noticed afterward that Mrs. Flaxman's eyes were very red; but while he +was playing my attention was taken up in part with the music, and partly +in furtively watching Mr. Winthrop. He seemed ill at ease, and restless; +while Mr. Bovyer's utmost efforts were powerless to move him to tears. +When we had all drawn cosily around the fire, after the music was ended, +I remarked with some regret, "I do not think Mr. Winthrop has any tears +to shed. His eyes were as dry as a bone."</p> + +<p>"The night is too fine for such an effect. Wait until we have a storm," +he said, with a smile.</p> + +<p>"Your nerves are too strong for a storm to affect them. Something very +different will be required. I am afraid we must give you up."</p> + +<p>"Life is too smooth with him for music or anything æsthetic to ruffle the +deeper springs. Wait until he has storms and whirlwinds to withstand." +Mr. Bovyer said, calmly.</p> + +<p>"Oh I hope he will never have them, he has not patience like—some," I +added, after a pause. I was going to say Mr. Bowen.</p> + +<p>"You must know that my ward has taken my measure very correctly. She is +better than a looking-glass. Indeed I was not aware until lately that I +had so many shortcomings."</p> + +<p>"Medicine for a mind diseased, administered by a gentle hand, cannot be +hard to take."</p> + +<p>"The softest hand can sometimes wound the deepest."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop, surely I have never wounded you! I have not the power. To +think so would give me pain; for, in your way, you have been kind to +me—more so than I deserve," I said, impulsively.</p> + +<p>"We are always trembling in the verge of tragedy," he said lightly, and +then rang for refreshments; and after that we retired.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h2> + +<h3>THE CHRISTMAS TREE.</h3> + + +<p>Christmas morning dawned bright and clear, the one drawback the lack of +snow. Thomas had everything in readiness, and every one in the house was +looking forward to a sleigh-ride. However, all the other Christmas +customs were observed. Before breakfast was the general distribution +of gifts. We were all assembled at the usual breakfast hour in the +dining-room, when Mrs. Flaxman rang the bell for the servants to come +in. Reynolds was the first to appear. She took her seat nearest to Mr. +Winthrop; then Mrs. Jones, the cook, and Thomas, Esmerelda, and Samuel +came in.</p> + +<p>Reynolds got her present first—a nice black silk dress. I saw by the +pleased flush in her face that she was considerably astonished. The +others, each a five-dollar bill; and for Samuel, a jack-knife that would +be the envy of all his comrades. Mrs. Flaxman had something for each one +of them, and then I followed. When I reached Samuel and handed him the +watch from which was suspended a glittering chain, his politeness quite +forsook him. "Golly, but that's a stunner," he ejaculated involuntarily. +Suddenly remembering himself he said, very humbly: "Thank you, ma'am." +Thomas regarded his book with some apprehension; but turning over the +leaves, the pictures of so many handsome horses reconciled him. After +they had filed out I took my opportunity to deliver the gifts I had +prepared with much care for Mr. Winthrop and Mrs. Flaxman; for the latter +an idealized portrait of Hubert, in a heavy gilt frame, which I had +painted from a photograph; and for Mr. Winthrop a much better picture of +Oaklands than the one he already possessed.</p> + +<p>I turned to Mr. Bovyer uncertainly, and, after a moment hesitation, said: +"I have a bit of my work here for you; but it is so little worth. I am +ashamed to offer it." I handed him the folded leaves, tied with ribbons, +of Longfellow's "Reapers and the Angels," which I had spent some time in +trying to illustrate, with the hope one day of turning it into cash. He +thanked me, I thought, with unnecessary fervor, considering the smallness +of the gift, and stood examining my poor attempt to express the poet's +meaning by brush and pencil.</p> + +<p>"I say, Winthrop, this is really clever for one so young."</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop took the book and turned over the leaves.</p> + +<p>"You have reason to be proud, Medoline, that one of our severest art +critics has pronounced favorably on your work. Perhaps the being +remembered on Christmas morning has made him blind to its faults."</p> + +<p>"I find Mr. Winthrop a very healthy corrective against any flattering +remarks of my other friends, I accept him as a sort of mental tonic," I +said, turning to Mr. Bovyer.</p> + +<p>"Our morning's work is not yet completed," Mr. Winthrop said. "Please +excuse me a moment." He went into the library, and returning shortly, he +went first to Mrs. Flaxman and gave her a good sized parcel. I was +waiting so eagerly to see her open it that I scarce thought if I, too, +should be remembered; but after standing for a few seconds by the fire he +came to my side and gave me a tiny box done up carelessly in a bit of +paper. I opened it, when the most beautiful diamond ring I ever saw +glittered a moment after on my finger.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, is this really and truly mine?"</p> + +<p>"Really and truly, yes."</p> + +<p>In my surprise and delight I lifted the ring to my lips and kissed it.</p> + +<p>"That is the prettiest compliment paid to a gift I ever witnessed," Mr. +Bovyer said, with a smile.</p> + +<p>"Medoline has her own way of doing things. I find her refreshingly +original."</p> + +<p>"That is almost better than the ring," I murmured gratefully, looking up +into his face.</p> + +<p>"Shall we have breakfast served now?" He turned abruptly round and +touched the bell. I bethought me of Mrs. Flaxman and looked just in +time to see her slipping off an elegant sealskin dolman, while her eyes +looked very dewy and tender.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop, you are making this Christmas-tide positively regal with +your gifts. So many of us that you have gladdened—Mill Road folks and +all," I said, not able wholly to restrain my affectionate impulses as I +laid my hand lightly on his—the first time I had ever so touched him.</p> + +<p>He folded his other hand over mine for an instant, and then we sat down +to the breakfast which had just been brought in.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop and Mr. Bovyer spent the greater part of the day together +alone. After breakfast they took a long horseback ride across country, +only reaching home in time for luncheon, and then Mr. Winthrop had some +choice additions to his library to exhibit, that kept them employed until +dinner. Mrs. Flaxman smiled at the way Mr. Bovyer's time was engrossed by +my guardian, but I do not think either of us regretted it; for we had so +many happy fancies of our own to dwell upon that the brief December day +seemed all too short. Just before dinner I went to the kitchen to see how +Samuel was getting on with his timepiece, but found that he had been away +all day.</p> + +<p>"That watch of his has been more talked about in Cooper's Lane, where his +folks live, than anything else, I'll warrant, this day," Thomas assured +me. "He'll be back soon. The smell of dinner always fetches him home."</p> + +<p>We had scarce done speaking when I heard his step at the door, and +presently he came in. His watch-chain was arranged in most conspicuous +fashion across his waistcoat, and caught the light very cheerfully as he +stood near the lamp.</p> + +<p>"What's the time?" Thomas asked soberly; but Samuel was too smart to be +so easily trapped.</p> + +<p>"There's the clock right afore your eyes."</p> + +<p>"The time maybe'd be better from a bran new watch."</p> + +<p>I did not linger to hear more of their badinage, but the look of +satisfaction on Samuel's face found a reflection in my own heart, and I +wondered in what way I could have spent a few dollars to procure a larger +amount of happiness. We had quite a large dinner party that evening. Mr. +Hill, our minister, was there, with his wife and grown-up daughter, and +some half-dozen others of our Cavendish acquaintances. I found the hour +at dinner rather heavy and tiresome. My neighbors on my right and left +being—the one a regular diner-out whose conversation was mostly +gustatory, and the other a youth whose ideas never seemed to rise above +the part of his hair or cut of his garments. I noticed Mr. Bovyer sitting +further up on the other side of the table looking quite as bored as I +felt, his next neighbor being a young lady the exact counterpart in ideas +and aims of the youth beside me. The dinner itself was a triumph of +cook's skill, and, as is usually the case with a dinner suitably +prepared, its effect was composing. Mr. Winthrop neither drank wine nor +smoked, and did not encourage these habits in his guests; so that we all +left the table together and proceeded to the drawing-room. I was the last +of the ladies to pass from the room, and Mr. Bovyer joined me and +accompanied me into the drawing-room. I was getting interested in his +conversation, when Mr. Winthrop came and urged for some music.</p> + +<p>"It is impossible just now; I do not feel as if I could do justice even +to 'Hail Columbia.'"</p> + +<p>"Then, Medoline, you will give us some of your German songs, and, by the +time you are through, Mr. Bovyer will be in the mood to enchant us."</p> + +<p>"With the exception of our school examinations, I never played before so +many persons in my life. I shall find it very hard," I said, already +beginning to tremble with nervousness.</p> + +<p>"It will be an excellent opportunity to display your ring."</p> + +<p>My face crimsoned. Possibly I had allowed the hand that wore my diamond +ring a little too much freedom; but the sparkle of the beautiful gem, +that just now reminded me of a huge tear-drop, pleased me; for I was +still much of a child at heart.</p> + +<p>As we were crossing the room, I said: "It is not good taste for me to +take the piano first. There are others here who should have been +invited."</p> + +<p>"Tut, child; I never ask them. They would distract me with their noise."</p> + +<p>"Is that not an indirect compliment for me?" I said, looking up at him, +my good humor partially restored.</p> + +<p>"I shall be compelled to designate you the mark of interrogation—call +you rogue for shortness."</p> + +<p>"After this morning's experience, I shall not be able to find any name +nice enough for you," I said, gently.</p> + +<p>"That is cruel—literally smothering me with coals of fire."</p> + +<p>I turned over my music with trembling fingers; for, more than all, I +dreaded Mr. Bovyer. Selecting one of the simplest songs, I sat down, +determined to go resolutely through with it. When I ceased, I found that +Mr. Bovyer had joined us. I rose hastily. "I am so glad you have come; +you will reward my obedience to Mr. Winthrop, surely?"</p> + +<p>"Yes—by asking for some more of that tender music of the Fatherland. My +mother used to croon that song over us in childhood."</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop joined his commands; so I complied, with a German martial +song; and then, rising quickly, I went to the further side of the room, +and took a seat beside Mrs. Hill.</p> + +<p>"You have got tired before the rest of us, dear."</p> + +<p>"I would not like to tire you. Mr. Bovyer is going to play now, and we +shall none of us be in danger of weariness."</p> + +<p>And he did play as I had never heard him do before, filling the room with +harmonies that sometimes grew painful in their excess of sweetness. +Conversation ceased utterly—a compliment not usually paid to musicians, +I had noticed, in Cavendish.</p> + +<p>I glanced occasionally at Mr. Winthrop, who had taken a seat not far from +where I was sitting. He sat with eyes closed, but not betraying, by a +single muscle of the strong, self-contained face, that the music was +affecting him in the slightest.</p> + +<p>"This evening has given us something to remember until our dying day," +Mrs. Hill said, with a deep sigh of satisfaction, after Mr. Bovyer ceased +playing. "It was exceedingly kind in Mr. Winthrop permitting us to share +in the evening's enjoyment."</p> + +<p>"Was it for this he invited you?" I asked, with surprise.</p> + +<p>"That was the inducement to leave our homes on Christmas Day. But we do +not need a special inducement to come to Oaklands; we always consider +it a high privilege to be Mr. Winthrop's guest."</p> + +<p>"Yes, he can be very charming when he chooses," I said, unthinkingly, but +very sorry for my remark directly it was uttered. "Then you were only +invited here this morning, since Mr. Bovyer had only just arrived?" I +asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, indeed; our invitations were received a week ago. Mr. Winthrop +knew he was coming."</p> + +<p>All these people knew Mr. Bovyer was coming, and a gala time planned for +Christmas, and I was kept in ignorance. Mr. Winthrop don't regard me of +enough importance to be intrusted with the merest trifles of everyday +life, I thought, sorrowfully; but just then my eye fell on the ring, when +it flashed into my gloomy heart a ray of light brighter than any sunbeam.</p> + +<p>The two following days I was so absorbed in my Christmas tree that I paid +very little attention to our guest, or anything going on about me, save +what was directly connected with the duty in hand. A list of all the +names had first to be got, and then each gift properly labeled. Muslin +bags, ornamented with bright-colored wools, were to be made, and filled +with nuts and confectionery; and, last of all, the tree had to be +dressed. Mr. Bowen and Daniel Blake entered so heartily into the spirit +of the undertaking that I found my own labors greatly lessened. Thomas +cheerfully gave up his most cherished plans to carry the supplies to the +hall, and things generally went on very satisfactorily. Others, too, sent +in hampers filled with Christmas dainties; among the rest, one from Mrs. +Hill, to whom I had very fully described my undertaking. Mrs. Blake +watched the heap slowly accumulating with a very preoccupied face; at +last she spoke her mind freely:</p> + +<p>"It seems a pity to have all these things eat up, and get no good from +'em. Now, I'd like to charge a trifle, and let every one come that wants +to."</p> + +<p>"What would be done with the money?"</p> + +<p>"There's plenty of ways to spend it; but if I could have a say in the +matter I'd like to give it to them poor little creatures I had for dinner +Christmas. The mother's jest heart-broke. I believe you could count their +bones; leastways all of them that's next the skin. I railly thought I +could not get them filled; but I did at last, and then they was stupid +like, they'd been short of victuals so long."</p> + +<p>"Are their clothes as poor as their bodies?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, indeed; and it does seem hard this cold weather for little children +to have neither flesh nor flannels over the bones."</p> + +<p>"I am perfectly willing to make a small charge, if you can let it be +known in time for the people to be prepared."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Dan'el and Mr. Bowen 'll see to that. Put up a notice in the mill +and post-office; everybody 'll find it out."</p> + +<p>So it was agreed that we should make the grown up folk pay something; but +I insisted the price must not exceed twenty-five cents.</p> + +<p>I went home to luncheon on Friday, very tired, but also very enthusiastic +over our tree. If I could secure Mr. Winthrop's consent to a plain +dinner, our entire domestic force could attend, and they were all eager +to do so. He and Mr. Bovyer were engaged in a warm discussion over some +knotty subject as they entered the dining-room, thereby compelling me to +leave my question for sometime unasked. But Mr. Bovyer presently turned +to me and said,</p> + +<p>"Really, Miss Selwyn, you must think we have forgotten your existence."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, indeed; but I should like you to converse on something within +nearer range of my faculties for a little while."</p> + +<p>"We are all attention."</p> + +<p>I turned to Mr. Winthrop as he spoke:</p> + +<p>"Is it really imperative that you have a regular dinner to-day? Could you +not take something easily prepared, a cup of tea, for instance, and some +cold meats, and the like?"</p> + +<p>"You propose a genuine funeral repast. Is anything about to happen?"</p> + +<p>"Our Christmas tree; and our entire household is eager to go, yourself +excepted."</p> + +<p>"Why can't we all go?" Mr. Bovyer suggested, with considerable eagerness.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop looked aghast.</p> + +<p>"They would think on the Mill Road the millennium was dawning if Mr. +Winthrop were to step down among them," I said.</p> + +<p>"Then by all means let us foster the illusion."</p> + +<p>"I will take the baked meats, Medoline, or a cracker and cheese—anything +rather than that crowd."</p> + +<p>"That is ever so kind. I will come home to brew you a cup of tea myself. +Ever since I was a child I have wanted to prepare a meal all alone—it +will be really better than the Christmas tree; I mean more enjoyable."</p> + +<p>"You have the greatest capacity for simple pleasures of any one I ever +knew. We shall accept your services. Before you are through, you may find +the task not so enjoyable as you think; but at the very worst we will +give our help."</p> + +<p>"Thank you very much; but one ignoramus blundering in the kitchen will be +better than three."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman looked greatly amused, but she very willingly gave her +consent for me to come home while the guests were absorbed with their +supper, and gratify my life-long yearning. The others were quite as well +pleased as I; and cook permitted me to concoct, unaided, some special +dishes for our repast. I laid the table myself, not accepting the +slightest help from any one. My cooking ventures turned out quite +successfully, and after a while my preparations were completed, so +far as was possible, until the finishing touches just before dinner was +served. I went and dressed myself for the evening's entertainment. I took +equal pains with my costume, as if I were going to entertain a party of +friends at home, and it may be I was foolish enough to have a feeling of +elation that my Mill Road friends should see me for once dressed like a +real lady. The picture that my glass gave back when the pleasant task was +all completed was comfortably reassuring. Mrs. Flaxman I found waiting +for me, when I went downstairs. Thomas had brought out at her direction a +huge, old-fashioned carriage, that in the old days they had christened +"Noah's Ark," and into it we all crowded, even including Samuel, who had +an ambition for once in his life to have a drive with the aristocracy.</p> + +<p>When we reached the hall, we found it already crowded, although it wanted +a full hour before supper was to be announced. Mr. Bowen was doorkeeper, +and on the table at his side I was glad to see a goodly heap of coin. +Mrs. Blake stood near, regarding the money with unconcealed satisfaction, +which considerably deepened when Mrs. Flaxman stepped up and shook hands +with her. Daniel seemed to be master of ceremonies, and was walking +around with a mixed air of anxiety and satisfaction. The work was new to +him, and he was somewhat uncertain all the time what to do next. But on +the whole he managed everything with good common sense. He had the +children seated directly in front of the tree, some fifty of them, he +assured me. Their faces were a picture of genuine childish delight. +Probably memory would hold this scene clearly pictured on some of their +hearts long after I was sleeping under the daisies. Long tables were +ranged down each side of the house, on which was placed the food the +people had come to enjoy. We walked slowly past them, and were surprised +at the judgment and good taste of the arrangements. I waited until the +children's tea was over. They were really the guests of the evening, and +must be first served. Then in the bustle of getting the table in +readiness for the older ones, I made my escape.</p> + +<p>Thomas was waiting near to drive me home, his face quite radiant at the +success of our enterprise. Arrived at Oaklands, I entered with great glee +into our culinary operations, and soon had the dinner prepared. When my +gentlemen came into the dining-room I was sitting, hot, and a trifle +anxious, at the head of the table awaiting them. My respect for the +powers in the kitchen that carried on our domestic machinery with so +little jar, greatly increased. We had a laughable time changing the +plates for our different courses. Thomas, who was installed in +Esmerelda's place at the back of my chair, was about as awkward in his +new situation as I was; but at the close of our repast, Mr. Winthrop, +with apparent sincerity, assured us he had not enjoyed a dinner so much +since his boyhood—a compliment that fully repaid me for my worry until +I had thought it well over, and saw that it was capable of several +meanings. I entertained them with a lively description of the scene going +on at the Temperance Hall. Mr. Bovyer declared his intention of +accompanying me on my return—a resolution, I could see, that was +anything but pleasing to Mr. Winthrop. I was secretly very glad, since it +was possible he might make a donation to our doorkeeper. Once on the way, +Thomas drove his horses as I had never seen him do before. Possibly he +was afraid the supper might all be consumed. He had paid his fee, and was +resolved to get his money's worth. He may have hoped that by some happy +chance he might sit down with those with whom he could not expect on any +other occasion to have a similar privilege. I paid particular attention +to Mr. Bovyer. As we passed Mr. Bowen's table I saw him drop, in quiet +fashion, a bank note upon it. Mr. Bowen hastened to make change, but Mr. +Bovyer shook his head and passed on. I turned to look at Mr. Bowen, and +saw his face suddenly light up so cheerfully that I concluded he had +received a generous donation. I led Mr. Bovyer up where the children, +growing now very curious over the Christmas Tree, were with difficulty +preserving the proprieties of the occasion. He looked them over +carefully, as if they were some distinct species from another planet, and +then turning to me, said, "Did you say these were all poor children?"</p> + +<p>"Their fathers are day laborers, and some of them are without that useful +adjunct to childhood."</p> + +<p>"They look rosy and happy."</p> + +<p>"I presume they would look happy under present circumstances if their +fathers were tramps. You should see the homes some of them will return to +when they leave here. You would wonder at the forgetfulness of +childhood."</p> + +<p>"How did you chance to think of this merry gathering?"</p> + +<p>"I am not sure it was chance. All our thoughts do not come in that way."</p> + +<p>"Are the children here who are to reap the largest benefit from this +affair?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. Do you see those pale, pinched-faced girls with the pink-cotton +frocks on, sitting at the end of that farthest bench, and these two boys +just in front with clothes several sizes too large?"</p> + +<p>He stood silently regarding them for some time, and then said: "The world +is strangely divided. It is one of the reasons that makes me doubt the +existence of a beneficent All-Father."</p> + +<p>"But these may get safely into the light and fullness of Heaven."</p> + +<p>"Yes," he said, thoughtfully; "but how few of them will live up to the +requirements of admittance to that perfect place?"</p> + +<p>"The rich have as many shortcomings as the poor. Sometimes I think they +have even more."</p> + +<p>"You are very democratic."</p> + +<p>"Is that a serious charge against me? The one perfect Being our world has +seen chose poverty, and a lot among the lowly. When the world grows +older, and men get wiser, possibly they will make the same choice."</p> + +<p>"There have been solitary instances of the like along the ages—men of +whom the world was not worthy—but the most of us are not such stuff as +heroes are made of."</p> + +<p>I turned to him with kindling eyes: "Wouldn't you like to be one of them, +Mr. Bovyer?"</p> + +<p>He gave me a look that some way I did not care to meet, and turned my +eyes away quickly to a restless black-eyed little girl who was stretching +eager hands to a pink-cheeked dollie.</p> + +<p>"You feel the sorrows of the poor and suffering more keenly than the most +of us, I fear, Miss Selwyn," he said—more to draw me into conversation +than anything else.</p> + +<p>"My sympathies are of a very easy-going, æsthetic kind. Some of your +splendid music makes me cry. While I listen, I think of the hungry and +broken-hearted. I seem to hear their moans in the sob and swell of the +music. It was that which made Beethoven's Symphony so sad."</p> + +<p>He did not say anything for a good while, and fell to watching the +longing in the children's faces, and my heart grew very pitiful towards +them. They were so near and yet so far from the objects of their desire. +So I resolved while the supper table was being cleared to begin the +distribution of my gifts, or rather, of Mr. Winthrop's.</p> + +<p>I set Mr. Bovyer to work gathering the bags of confectionery, while I +carried them around to the excited children, taking bench by bench in +regular order, and filling the little outstretched hands, usually so +empty of any such dainties. The people came crowding around to watch, +while I began stripping the tree of its more enduring fruits. Mothers +with tears in their eyes, as they saw their little tots growing rapturous +over an unclothed dollie, or some other toy, beautiful to the +unaccustomed eyes of the poor little creatures. The tree was stripped at +last, and the children absorbed in the examination of their own or each +other's presents. Most of them seemed perfectly content, but a few of the +little boys looked enviously at the jack-knife in a companion's hand, +while casting dissatisfied glances at what had fallen to themselves.</p> + +<p>It was time at last for the little folks to go home, and mothers soon +were busy hunting up children and their wraps.</p> + +<p>The closing scene in the entertainment was the public announcement of +the evening's receipts; and we all looked with surprised faces at each +other when Mr. Bowen informed us that there was within a few cents of +one hundred dollars. "Some of our guests this evening have treated us +very generously; notably one gentleman in particular, who dropped a +twenty-dollar bill on the table beside me," Mr. Bowen said, in +conclusion. I gave Mr. Bovyer a meaning glance and also a very grateful +one; but it was apparently thrown away; for not a muscle of his face +moved in response to my smile. Mrs. Blake went around for a while like +one in a dream. "Deary me! it'll be jest like a fortin' to 'em," she +ejaculated at last; "but Miss Selwyn 'll have to take charge of it, or +that mis'able Bill Sykes 'll drink it up in no time."</p> + +<p>And then it was decided to act on Mrs. Blake's suggestion, and the money +was given to me to expend on Mrs. Sykes and her children as they +required,—a task soon accomplished when their need was so urgent. We +went home that night very elated at the success of our venture. Cook +was slightly inclined to assume a large share of the credit, and as her +labor in the matter of cake and pastry making was so much greater than +anything I had done, I gracefully yielded her all the credit she could +desire. No doubt, in all undertakings, from the capture of a kingdom to +a tea meeting, there are many among to whom the honors by right belong.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.</h2> + +<h3>THREE IMPORTANT LETTERS.</h3> + + +<p>One evening when I returned from a long walk, Esmerelda gave me a letter +directed in the most fashionable style of ladies' handwriting. I was a +good deal surprised at receiving a letter through such a source, +especially as Esmerelda whispered me to secrecy. I had no time to break +the seal, for callers were waiting; and when they left, Mr. Winthrop +summoned me to the study for a review of the week's reading. This was +a custom he had some time before instituted, and I was finding it +increasingly interesting. He selected my course of reading, and a very +strong bill of fare I was finding it, some of the passages straining my +utmost power of brain to comprehend. He had, as yet, confined me chiefly +to German literature, mainly Kant and Lessing, with a dip into Schiller +now and then, he said, by way of relaxation. He seemed gratified at the +interest I took in his efforts to develop my intellectual powers, and +sometimes he sat chatting with me, after the lesson was ended, by the +firelight, until we were summoned to dinner. His mind appeared like some +rich storehouse where every article has its appointed place; and while it +held many a treasure from foreign sources, its own equipment was equal to +the best. I could not always follow him. He gave me credit, I believe, +for much greater brain power than I possessed; but what I could not +comprehend made me the more eager to overcome the impediment of ignorance +and stupidity. In these hours in his own study, where very few, save +myself, were permitted to enter, he laid aside all badinage and severe +criticism. I blundered sadly, at times, over the meaning of some +specially difficult passages; but he helped me through with a quiet +patience that amazed me. I mentioned it one day to Mrs. Flaxman, +expressing my surprise that he should so patiently endure my ignorance, +and stupidity.</p> + +<p>"It is just like him. He has a world of patience with any one really +trying to do good work. I think he begins to understand you better. He is +prejudiced against our sex in the mass. He thinks we are more fond of +pleasure than of anything else in the world; but if he once finds his +mistake, his atonement is complete."</p> + +<p>"Why is he so prejudiced?" I asked, hoping Mrs. Flaxman would continue +the story Thomas had begun.</p> + +<p>"He has had good reason. He is not one to rashly condemn one."</p> + +<p>"But is it not rash to misjudge the many for the wrong doing of the +single individual? It does not prove all are alike."</p> + +<p>"Have you ever heard anything, Medoline?" She asked anxiously.</p> + +<p>"Merely a hint, but I have built many a story on that."</p> + +<p>"You must not trust servants or ignorant folks' gossip. I hope your Mill +Road friends do not talk about your guardian."</p> + +<p>"They scarcely mention his name. Mrs. Blake certainly expressed surprise, +a long time ago, when we gave those vegetables away, that such a thing +should take place at Oaklands. I would not permit any one to speak +unkindly of Mr. Winthrop in my hearing," I said, proudly.</p> + +<p>"That is right; he is not easy to understand, but one day you will find +he is true as steel."</p> + +<p>She left the room abruptly. I fancied she was afraid I might ask +troublesome questions. Now as I sat in the study, I began to listen and +dream together, wondering what sort of woman it was he could love and +caress, and how she could lightly trample on his love. The tears came to +my eyes as I looked and listened, picturing him the central sun of a +perfect home, with wife and children enriching his heart with their love. +When those deep gray eyes looked into mine, my drooping lashes tried to +conceal from their searching gaze, my mutinous thoughts. Strange that +this particular evening, while I sat with the half forgotten letter in my +pocket, imagination was busier than ever, while I found it more than +usually difficult to comprehend Lessing's ponderous thoughts; and the +desire seized me to leave these high thinkers, on their lonely mountain +heights, and, with my guardian, come down to the summer places of +everyday life.</p> + +<p>He noticed my abstraction at last, for he said abruptly:</p> + +<p>"Are you not interested in to-day's lesson, Medoline?"</p> + +<p>I faltered as I met his searching eye.</p> + +<p>"I am always interested in what you say, Mr. Winthrop; but to-day my +thoughts have been wandering a good deal."</p> + +<p>"Where have they been wandering to?"</p> + +<p>My face crimsoned, but I kept silent.</p> + +<p>"I would like to know what you were thinking about?" he said, gently.</p> + +<p>"A young girl's foolish fancies would seem very childish to you, after +what you have been talking about."</p> + +<p>"Nevertheless, we like sometimes the childish and innocent. I have a +fancy for it just now, Medoline."</p> + +<p>"Please, Mr. Winthrop, I cannot tell you all my thoughts. They are surely +my own, and cannot be torn from me ruthlessly."</p> + +<p>"What sort of persons are you meeting now at your Mill Road Mission?"</p> + +<p>He suddenly changed the conversation, to my intense relief.</p> + +<p>"The very same that I have met all along, with the exception of the Sykes +family—they are a new experience."</p> + +<p>"Were you thinking of any one you know there just now, that caused your +inattention?"</p> + +<p>"Why, certainly not, Mr. Winthrop. I do not care so very much for them as +that."</p> + +<p>He was silent for a good while, in one of his abstracted moods; and, +thinking the lesson was over for that day, I was about to leave the room. +He arose, and, going to the window, stood looking out into the night—I +quietly watching him, and wondering of what he was so busily thinking. +Presently he turned, and, coming to the table where I was sitting, stood +looking down intently at me.</p> + +<p>"Medoline, has it ever occurred to you that you are an unusually +attractive bit of womanhood?"</p> + +<p>I drew back almost as if he had struck me a blow. He smiled.</p> + +<p>"You are as odd as you are fascinating," he said.</p> + +<p>He went to his writing-desk. I watched him unlock one of the drawers and +take out two envelopes. He came back and stood opposite me at the table.</p> + +<p>"I received, a few days ago, a letter from my friend Bovyer, in which he +enclosed one for you, which I was at liberty to read. Probably I should +have submitted it to you earlier, but——"</p> + +<p>He did not finish the sentence, and stood quietly while I read the +letter. The hot blood was crimsoning my neck and brow, and, without +raising my eyes, I pushed the letter across the table, without speaking. +He handed me another. A strong impulse seized me to fly from the room, +but I had not courage to execute my desire. The second letter was fully +as surprising as the first. It was from another of Mr. Winthrop's +friends, who had frequented our hotel in New York. I recalled his face +readily, and the impression his manners and conversation had made on my +mind. He had fewer years to boast than Mr. Bovyer, but more good looks. I +finished his letter, and, still holding it in my hand, unconsciously fell +to recalling more distinctly my half-forgotten impressions of his +personality. I remembered he could say brilliant things in an off-hand +way, as if he were not particularly proud of the fact. I remembered, too, +that he had genuine humor, and had often convulsed me with a merriment I +was ashamed to betray; but, strange to say, of all those who had haunted +Mr. Winthrop's parlors in those two weeks, not one had paid me so little +attention as this Maurice Graem; and now both he and Mr. Bovyer had +written, asking my guardian's permission to have me as life-long +companion and friend.</p> + +<p>"What shall it be, Medoline? You cannot say yes to both of them."</p> + +<p>The question startled me.</p> + +<p>"Are you very anxious for me to leave Oaklands?" My lips quivered as I +spoke.</p> + +<p>"Why, child, that is my trouble just now. I am not willing ever to lose +you—certainly not so soon as these impetuous youths desire."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bovyer is not young," I said, with a lightened heart.</p> + +<p>"What shall I say to them, then?"</p> + +<p>"That I do not want to leave Oaklands. I am so happy here."</p> + +<p>He made me no reply, but turned again to his writing-desk, and was +locking the letters safely away when I left the room. Then I bethought me +of the letter still unopened in my pocket, and was hastening to my room, +when Mrs. Flaxman intercepted me.</p> + +<p>"Won't you come into my room, Medoline, just for a few minutes?"</p> + +<p>I followed her with some reluctance; for Mrs. Flaxman's few minutes, I +imagined, might extend into a good many, if she got to talking.</p> + +<p>"I want to show the presents Mr. Bovver has sent us from New York—one +for each of us."</p> + +<p>She lifted the cover from a box on her stand, and handed me the most +superbly-bound book I had ever seen.</p> + +<p>"Yours is the prettiest," she said, admiringly, as I turned over the +leaves, looking at the engravings.</p> + +<p>"Don't you like it, dear?" she asked, surprised that I was so silent over +my prize.</p> + +<p>"Yes—if it had not come from Mr. Bovyer."</p> + +<p>"Why, Medoline! not like a gift coming from one so kind and true as he +is?"</p> + +<p>"I wish I had never seen him." I threw down the book and burst into +tears.</p> + +<p>"Surely, Medoline, you have not fallen in love with him? I should be so +sorry, for he is not a marrying man."</p> + +<p>"No, indeed," I cried, indignantly; "but——" And then I stopped; for +what right had I to tell his secret?</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, is it not dreadful to be young? Men are such a +trouble."</p> + +<p>"Why, my child, what is the matter? You act so strangely I do not +understand you."</p> + +<p>"No? Well, I cannot explain. But won't you ask Mr. Winthrop, please, if I +must keep this book?"</p> + +<p>"Why, certainly you must keep it. It would be rude to return Mr. Bovyer's +gift."</p> + +<p>"But you will ask?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, if you insist; but he will only smile, and say it is one of +Medoline's oddities."</p> + +<p>I went to my room. But the traces of my tears must be removed, and the +dinner-bell was already ringing. However, at the risk of being late, I +broke the seal of my letter. I was getting terrified lest it might be +another proposal of marriage from some unexpected quarter; for, I +reflected, when misfortunes begin to come they generally travel in +crowds; but this was not a love-letter. It read:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Miss Selwyn</span>:—I have been informed of your kindness of +heart and sympathy for all who are in distress, and therefore am +emboldened to come to you for help. If you would call on me to-morrow, +at 3 P. M., at Rose Cottage, Linden Lane, you would confer a lasting +favor on a sorrowing sister. I am yours, very respectfully,</p> + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Hermione Le Grande.</span>"</p> + +<p>P. S.—I must ask for perfect secrecy on your part, and that no mention +whatever of my name, or letter, be made at Oaklands. I trust to your +honor in the matter.</p> + +<p>H. L.</p></div> + +<p>I locked the letter up in my drawer and hastened to the dinner that +certainly would not be kept waiting for me. I was hoping that the +question about Mr. Bovyer's book would be asked and answered in my +absence; but was disappointed; for just as Mr. Winthrop arose from the +table, at the close of dinner, Mrs. Flaxman mentioned the arrival of the +books, and whence they came.</p> + +<p>"It is quite profitable, chaperoning young ladies, you will find;" he +said, dryly.</p> + +<p>"But, Medoline does not wish to keep hers. She acted quite strangely +about it; and insists that I must ask you, if she shall keep it."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bovyer would feel aggrieved if we returned his present. I think you +must keep it," he said, turning to me.</p> + +<p>"Most young ladies I have known are proud to get keepsakes from your +sex."</p> + +<p>"I hope Medoline is not going to be a regulation young lady."</p> + +<p>"Why, Mr. Winthrop, what has caused you to change your mind? You used to +condemn me for being so very unconventional."</p> + +<p>"I have made the discovery that you have something better in its stead," +he said, quietly. I looked up quickly to speak my thanks, but kept +silent.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Medoline is the only one of us that tries to do her duty by others. +She has helped the poor more in the few months she has been here, than I +have done in nearly twenty years."</p> + +<p>"But she confines her benefits to the poor and bereaved solely. She seems +to forget the prosperous may be heavy-hearted," Mr. Winthrop suggested +with a smile.</p> + +<p>"I do not intermeddle with that which lies beyond my skill to relieve. +Any person can relieve poverty if they have money."</p> + +<p>"Possibly you are wise to confine your helpfulness to the simpler cases +of sorrow."</p> + +<p>"I think the griefs of the rich are mostly imaginary and selfish. In this +beautiful world, if we have our freedom, and health, and plenty of money, +we are simply foolish to be down-hearted; only when death takes away our +dear ones; and after a time the pain he gives ceases to smart."</p> + +<p>"You are very practical, Medoline, and look through spectacles dipped in +sunshine."</p> + +<p>"Well, I believe she is right," Mrs. Flaxman said, with an air of sudden +conviction. "We are not half thankful enough for our blessings and +persist in wearing the peas in our shoes for penance, when we might as +well soften them like that wise-hearted Irishman. It would be a blessing +if Medoline had medicine for other griefs than those poverty causes."</p> + +<p>I saw her cast a meaning look at Mr. Winthrop, which brought the color +to my cheek, and set me to soberly thinking if I might not bring him +surcease from bitter thoughts, and then it occurred to me, with all this +commendation was there not grave danger of my getting uplifted unduly?</p> + +<p>"It seems to me that you and Mr. Winthrop go to extremes in your estimate +of me. First, you keep me so low in the valley of humiliation that I well +nigh lose heart, and then you hoist me on a pedestal, making me grow +dizzy with conceit. I suggest that we pass a law not to talk about each +other at all."</p> + +<p>"But you cannot hope to be perfect unless wise friends point out your +foibles," Mr. Winthrop assured me.</p> + +<p>"I have never expected to reach such a height. It would be so lonely for +me, you know—no society of my own kind, save here and there a poor and +humble soul," I said, wickedly.</p> + +<p>"Nevertheless, one should make the effort to stand on the top round of +the ladder of human excellence."</p> + +<p>"It is a long ladder, and the climb is wearisome, and death soon +interposes and ends our ambition," I said, wearily.</p> + +<p>"But you have such perfect assurance respecting the to-morrow of death, +you must believe that excellence gained here will be so much capital to +carry with you into that life; but you implicit believers very often +voice your faith rather than live it," Mr. Winthrop remarked, with a +touch of his accustomed sarcasm.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bowen lives his quite as well as he talks it, but he is the nearest +perfection of any human being I ever expect to meet."</p> + +<p>"That is hard on our set, Mrs. Flaxman. Medoline, it seems, has fished +out of the slums a veritable saint, and handsome as he is good. If I +remember right he is a widower."</p> + +<p>"Yes, certainly, he is the one she got the suit of clothes for when she +was in New York."</p> + +<p>He turned to me abruptly and asked,</p> + +<p>"How old is he?"</p> + +<p>"I have never asked him," I said mischievously, "but he looks older than +you."</p> + +<p>"Medoline, what are you saying? He was a grandfather years ago."</p> + +<p>"And I am afraid that is an honor which Mr. Winthrop will never attain," +I tried to say sympathetically.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman cast him a startled look; but he smiled very calmly as if +the words had merely amused him.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XX" id="CHAPTER_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.</h2> + +<h3>MRS. LE GRANDE.</h3> + + +<p>I was impatient for the appointed hour to come when I was expected at +Rose Cottage. I had tried to get further information from Esmerelda +respecting Mrs. Le Grande; but she seemed unwilling to say much about +her, leaving me more mystified than ever.</p> + +<p>"You will know all pretty soon from her own lips, Miss, and it would cost +me my place if Mr. Winthrop knew I was meddling with what didn't concern +me."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop is not a severe master. I think he interferes very little +with our household matters."</p> + +<p>"But this is different; and please, Miss Selwyn, don't let on to a soul +that I gave you that letter. Mrs. Le Grande said if I didn't take it some +one else would; and it was an easy way to earn a trifle."</p> + +<p>"But if there is anything wrong in the matter it is the hardest way in +the world to get money," I said, perplexed at her words.</p> + +<p>Linden Lane lay back from Oaklands a mile or more, and led me on a road I +had never traversed before, although I had often planned to take it on +some of my exploring journeys. But it led away from the sea shore, and +that probably was the reason I had hitherto neglected it. There was a +strip of woodland belonging to the Oaklands estate through which a part +of the road lay. There had been a recent fall of snow and this was still +clinging heavily to the trees, especially to the spruce and hemlocks, +bringing strangely to mind the muffled, mysterious figures of the Sisters +of Charity and Nuns, as I used to see them gliding about the streets of +the old world cities. Here and there interspersed with the evergreens +were beech, and maple, and other hardwood growths, with their graceful +leafless branches stretching up like dumb pleading hands toward the +pitiful sky. I grew so interested seeking out specially picturesque +forest growths, and glimpses into the still woodland depths under the +white snow wraith which I might come again to study more closely, and put +on my canvas, that I so far forgot the business of the hour as to find +myself a half hour after the appointment at still some distance from +Linden Lane. Shutting my eyes resolutely on the rarest bits of landscape +caught now and then through a chance opening in the trees, I walked at my +best speed along the drifted road. Esmerelda had described the cottage so +minutely that I had no trouble in recognizing it. Once past the strip of +woodland, a bend in the road brought me at once into a thick cluster of +houses with a few linden trees bordering the street that had given to it +its rather poetical and alliterative name. One house much more +pretentious than the rest, I at once recognized to be Rose Cottage. I +rang the bell and was so quickly admitted, I concluded the tidy looking +little maid had been posted at the door on the lookout for me. I gave her +my card and inquired for Mrs. Le Grande; a formality quite unnecessary, +as she assured me she knew who I was and that the lady was already +waiting for me.</p> + +<p>"Just come this way. She has a parlor upstairs; and my! but its a +stunner."</p> + +<p>I received the information in perplexed silence. But the little maid +apparently did not look for encouragement, for she continued chattering +until the door of the "stunning" apartment was closed behind her. A +bright fire was burning in the grate at my left. In the swift glance with +which I took in all the appointments of the room I acknowledged that the +girl's description was correct. The walls were lined with pictures which +I could see were gems; rich Turkish rugs concealed the common wood floor; +while on brackets and stands were ornaments of rarest design and +workmanship. I had only a few moments, however, to gratify my curiosity; +for a <i>portière</i> at the farther end of the room was lifted, and a vision +of female loveliness met my view such as I had never seen before. +Probably the surroundings, and the unexpected appearance of this +beautiful woman, heightened the effect.</p> + +<p>She paused and looked at me intently. Instinctively I shrank into myself. +She seemed to be in some swift, clear-sighted way taking my measure, and +labeling the visible marks of my personality. Then she came graciously +forward, her step reminding me, in its smooth, gliding motion, of some +graceful animal of the jungle that might both fascinate and slay you.</p> + +<p>Her eyes were of that dark, velvety blue, that under strong emotion +turns to purple, and when she chose could melt and appeal like a dumb +creature's, whose only means of communicating their wants is through +their eyes. The lashes were long and curved; her complexion delicate as +a rose leaf, with a fitful color vanishing and re-appearing in the peachy +cheek apparently as she willed it. Her hair, a rare tint of golden auburn +was wreathed around her head in heavy coils that reminded me of the +aureoles the old masters painted about the beautiful Madonna faces. Her +mouth, I concluded, was the one defect in the otherwise perfect face. The +teeth were natural and purely white, but long, and sharp, reminding one +in a disagreeable way of the fangs of an animal of prey; the lips, a rich +scarlet, were too thin, and tightly drawn for a judge of faces to admire; +the chin was clear-cut and firm—a face on the whole, I decided, that +might drive a man, snared by its beauty, to desperation. There was +passion and power both lurking behind the pearl-tinted mask.</p> + +<p>Her attitudes were the perfection of grace—apparently, too, of unstudied +grace, which is the mark of the highest art in posing. She sat in a +purple velvet easy-chair, whose trying color set off her fine complexion +perfectly. Her voice was low and well modulated, but it had no +sympathetic chords; and therefore I could not call it musical or +pleasing. She thanked me in very exaggerated terms for having responded +to her appeal.</p> + +<p>I exclaimed, rather impulsively, in reply—</p> + +<p>"I expected to find the author of that pathetic letter in great distress, +and came, hoping to relieve; but I cannot be of any service here." I +glanced around the luxuriously appointed room, and then let my eyes rest +on her elaborate costume.</p> + +<p>She smiled, "You are young, and have not yet learned that rags and +poverty seldom go hand in hand with the bitterest experiences of life."</p> + +<p>"That is the only kind of trouble I am sufficiently experienced to meddle +with. For imaginary or abstract woe you should seek some older helper. +I would suggest Mrs. Flaxman. She has more patience with refined mourners +than I."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Flaxman could do me no good."</p> + +<p>Tears stood in her eyes, making them more beautiful than ever, and quite +softening my heart.</p> + +<p>"Won't you lay aside some of your wraps? I shall feel then as if you will +not desert me at any moment. The room is warm, and they are only an +incumbrance."</p> + +<p>I complied, and removed my hat and fur cloak, which were beginning to +make me uncomfortably warm. She wheeled another easy-chair and bade me +take that; my eyes, grown suddenly keen, took in the fact that the velvet +covering was suited to my complexion.</p> + +<p>"What artistic taste you must have when you are so fastidious about +harmony in colors," I said, admiringly.</p> + +<p>"One might as well get all the possible consolation out of things. The +time for enjoying them is short, and very uncertain."</p> + +<p>She drew a low ottoman and sat down close to me. "I have a long, sad +story to tell you, and I want to be within touch of your hand. You will +perhaps be too hard on me."</p> + +<p>She sat, her face turned partly from me, gazing intently into the fire. +Perhaps she had a natural dread of going over a chapter in her life she +might wish had never been written.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile the wonder kept growing on me why this exquisite woman should +come to me for sympathy. A feeling of pride, too, began swelling my heart +to think that I could be of use to others than the hungry and naked, +while I thought of the surprising account I should have to give at the +dinner-table that evening, of my adventure. My self-complacency was +destined to a rude shock. She turned to me suddenly, and asked, "How +old would you take me to be?" I looked my surprise, no doubt, but began +directly to examine critically the face before me. "I want you to tell +me the truth. We don't value flattery from our own sex; at least, I do +not."</p> + +<p>I could see no trace of time's unwelcome tooth in that smooth, ivory +skin, as unwrinkled as a baby's face, while the rounded outlines and +dimples would have graced a débutanté.</p> + +<p>"You are a long time deciding," she said, playfully—the color coming +fitfully under my scrutiny.</p> + +<p>"I will hazard twenty, but you may be older."</p> + +<p>"You think not any younger than that?" The curving lashes drooped and an +entirely new expression swept over the charming face.</p> + +<p>"Now you look almost a child," I exclaimed with surprise. "You are a +mystery to me, and I won't try to guess any more, for it is pure guess +work."</p> + +<p>She laughed merrily. "You are greatly mistaken. I was twenty-six +yesterday." I may have looked incredulous, and she was very keen to read +my thoughts.</p> + +<p>"You do not believe me. Did you ever hear of a woman over twenty making +herself out older than she was?"</p> + +<p>"My experience is but limited." I still believed that for some reason of +her own she was deceiving me respecting her age.</p> + +<p>"When you hear my story your surprise will be that I do not look six and +thirty, instead of a decade younger."</p> + +<p>Her next question was more startling than the first. "How do you like Mr. +Winthrop?"</p> + +<p>I replied guardedly that I liked him very well.</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, but that is not a correct reply. No one that cares for him at +all does so in that moderate fashion. They either love or hate him."</p> + +<p>"Have you ever known him intimately enough to be able to say how he is +liked, or deserves to be?"</p> + +<p>She answered me by a low ripple of laughter. My perplexity was +increasing, but I quite decided this Hermione Le Grange, as she called +herself, had not a very sad heart to get comforted.</p> + +<p>"Do you find Mr. Winthrop very amiable, in fact would you call him a +lady's man?"</p> + +<p>I paused to think carefully what answer I should give. "If he were a +lady's man, probably before this he would have taken one for a wife."</p> + +<p>"You have only answered half of my question," she said so gently I could +not resent it.</p> + +<p>"My guardian is very patient and indulgent with me. If he were more so I +should find it hard to leave him some day."</p> + +<p>"You mean when the day of marriage comes?"</p> + +<p>"I have not thought anything of marriage yet. I mean, not seriously. +Every young girl has her dreams, I suppose; but mine as yet are very +vague and unreal. At twenty-one I am my own mistress. Then probably my +life of ease will come to an end."</p> + +<p>"Ah, you have dreams of a career. From what my servants tell me I +concluded you were not one of our regulation, conventional young ladies."</p> + +<p>My cheeks flushed; for this was a tender place for her to touch.</p> + +<p>"Is Mr. Winthrop pleased that you are so thoughtful of the poor, and so +generous in your impulses?"</p> + +<p>"Really, Mrs. Le Grande, you would make an excellent lawyer. I do not +think I have had so many personal questions since I came to America. +School girls forget themselves sometimes, when they are of a very +inquisitive disposition."</p> + +<p>She looked me fully in the eyes as she said: "You have been wonderfully +patient and very circumspect. I am sure in his heart Mr. Winthrop +respects you even if he is at times a trifle cavalier in his behavior." +Her eyes were still upon me with the innocent, childlike expression on +her face I was beginning to understand and fear. I said very calmly: "He +can be exceedingly fascinating when he chooses, and if he really cared +for one, I cannot imagine anything he would hesitate to do for them, +provided it was honorable. I could not conceive him stooping to a mean or +unworthy action."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop will be flattered when I repeat your words."</p> + +<p>"Then you know him?"</p> + +<p>"You will think so when you hear my story."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXI" id="CHAPTER_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.</h2> + +<h3>MRS. LE GRANDE'S STORY.</h3> + + +<p>"Did you ever hear that Mr. Winthrop was within one day of being +married?"</p> + +<p>My surprise at first rendered me speechless; but at last I murmured, +"No."</p> + +<p>"Then you have never heard the tragedy of his life. You have heard that +for some reason he was embittered against our sex."</p> + +<p>"A mere hint."</p> + +<p>"So I should judge, or the rest would also have been told. Your +acquaintance have been remarkably guarded. Well, I will tell you all +about it."</p> + +<p>"I do not wish you to tell me. I think Mr. Winthrop desires I should +never know the particulars of that circumstance, else Mrs. Flaxman +would have told me."</p> + +<p>"You are very sensitive about your guardian. Women cannot afford such +fine sense of honor. Men do not treat us in that way. If they find we +have a skeleton concealed somewhere, they will not rest until it is +brought out into the glaring light, for every evil eye to gloat on."</p> + +<p>"Not every man. Many of them would help us to conceal what gave us pain. +I believe Mr. Winthrop is one of them. Then should I listen to what he +wishes buried in oblivion?"</p> + +<p>"It may be for his happiness that you should, dear; and my story and his +are, for awhile, the same."</p> + +<p>I had risen to put on my hat and cloak to get away from the temptation +she pressed upon me; but at her last words I sank back into the chair.</p> + +<p>"Can you be the woman he loved and was to marry?"</p> + +<p>"Would it surprise you very much if I said Yes?"</p> + +<p>"It would, and it would not."</p> + +<p>"Your words are ambiguous. I was told you were exceedingly frank and +impulsive, but one cannot always believe the public verdict."</p> + +<p>I was silent. I recognized I had a clever woman to deal with, and for +some reason she wished to use me for her own purpose, I was assured. She +arose, and crossing the room disappeared through the tapestry portière. I +watched her as she moved gracefully away, her long silken robe seeming to +give additional height to her already tall figure. She presently +returned, bringing a richly bound album, and laid it, open, on my knee. +I glanced at it, and saw my guardian's pictured face looking at me, +brighter, happier than it had ever done in reality.</p> + +<p>"Does he look like that now?"</p> + +<p>I studied the picture before I answered.</p> + +<p>"His face looked nobler as I watched it last night while he was talking +of some of his favorite authors. It is stronger now, though. Noble +thoughts have matured the lines that were then only imperfectly formed."</p> + +<p>"Does he admit you to his study and converse on his favorite themes?" she +asked, the childlike expression vanishing suddenly from her face.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Do you understand and enjoy what he says?"</p> + +<p>"I do not understand all he says. I am trying to lift myself to a nearer +level with him."</p> + +<p>"Ah, you aim to be learned. His tastes must have greatly changed, if he +admires such females." Her eyes fell, but I fancied there was a gleam in +them not altogether pleasant to behold. I remained silent, not caring to +explain it was Mr. Winthrop's wish that I should continue, to some +extent, the work that had occupied so many years of my life. She turned +the leaf of the album, and her own face looked out at me, not any more +beautiful than now, but still as perfect as a poet's dream.</p> + +<p>"We had these taken the same day!"</p> + +<p>She turned still another leaf and they sat together, she looking sweetly +at me, but his eyes, I could fancy resting on her with a look in them I +had never seen.</p> + +<p>"He had the artist destroy the negative, but I secured this one, he +fancies the flames have swallowed them all. You will have no further +scruples listening to his story?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I have scruples. Much as I would like to hear it, I desire you to +tell me nothing but what you feel certain he would be willing for me to +hear. Otherwise I cannot look into his eyes without a feeling of guilt."</p> + +<p>"I did not think there was such a ridiculously conscientious woman on the +earth. Believe me, you are formed after a very unusual pattern. But you +must at least hear my story; otherwise you cannot help me."</p> + +<p>"I have been waiting with what patience I could command for the last hour +to hear it. I must be home before nightfall, and it is now approaching +sunset."</p> + +<p>She turned partly away, thereby giving me the better opportunity to +admire the perfect contour of face and neck, with the color coming and +going fitfully as she talked.</p> + +<p>"Like you," she said, "I was an orphan, and like you I was very rich."</p> + +<p>I started with surprise. She looked at me in her keen, intuitive way.</p> + +<p>"What! did you not know you were an heiress?"</p> + +<p>"I have never had the curiosity to ask. Mr. Winthrop will explain +everything at the proper time."</p> + +<p>"An old-fashioned woman, truly, patterned after the immortal Sarah, who +called Abraham her lord," she said, with a soft little laugh that angered +me exceedingly.</p> + +<p>"The beginning of our destiny has been something alike—both orphans, and +both rich beyond our utmost need. I too was educated on the other side of +the sea, first in a quiet little English town, Weston-Super-Mer, where my +grandmother lived, and afterward in Paris. If I had never gone to the +latter place, I might not be sitting here compelling a scrupulous +listener to hear my story."</p> + +<p>She was silent awhile, a half-suppressed sigh escaping her, over these +bygone memories. She continued her story:</p> + +<p>"I was quick to learn, soon acquiring the accomplishments necessary for a +woman of the world to know; and, finding my guardian easy to manage, I +escaped from the restraints of the school-room much earlier than is +usual, and plunged into the gayeties, first of Parisian, and afterward of +New York society. I became a belle from my first ball, and was soon +almost wearied with conquests that caused me no effort. One evening I met +Mr. Winthrop. My chaperone, the following day, gave me a detailed history +of himself and fortune, and recommended me to secure him for a husband. +I resolved to bring him to my feet, reserving the privilege of accepting +or not, as I chose. I subsequently found, in order to meet him, it was +necessary for me to forsake, occasionally, the ball-room, and to +frequent, in its stead, the concert and lecture hall. By degrees I gained +his notice, and the very difficulty of winning him made the task all the +more congenial. Like you, I developed a fondness for literature, and, in +order the more quickly to gain the desired knowledge, I consulted +dictionaries, encyclopædias, and hired private tutors to cram me with +poetry, history, and information generally of art and its manufacturers. +At first I could see he was more amused than fascinated at my shallow +acquirements. But gradually my personal charms, rather than mental, +conquered his proud reserve, and the glance of his eye came to express +more than mere amusement at my exhibitions of knowledge, or cold +admiration for the beauty I strove more than ever to heighten. If I found +him hard to conquer, the exultation when my task was achieved was +correspondingly great, while I knew his judgment rebelled against giving +his love to one his inferior in those things he best esteemed. But, to +skip a long bit of the story, we were engaged and the marriage day set; +but as our intimacy ripened, the conviction grew upon me that I should +have a master as well as husband; and I made the discovery, before very +long, that the greater part of our time was to be passed at Oaklands, +since the solitude best suited his literary tastes. I knew very well that +he would soon get absorbed in those pursuits from which I had been able +to draw him for a brief time, and then I would be compelled to satisfy +myself with the mild excitement of conjugal affection, housekeeping, and +the insipid tea-drinkings for which Cavendish has been noted. Not very +long after our engagement, I met, at a grand society ball, George Le +Grande. He professed to have fallen in love with me at first sight, and +his wooing had all the passionate ardor of a Southern nature; for he was +born in the Sunny South, his father being a wealthy French planter. After +my betrothed's somewhat Platonic love, his passionate worship was +acceptable, and, as the hour of my pastoral life at Cavendish drew near, +my fancy turned, irresistibly, towards the free, gay life Le Grande +offered me. We had grown so intimate I confessed to him my repugnance to +the mild joys awaiting me. Here I made my great mistake; for, with his +brilliant imagination, he drew charming pictures of what our life might +be, tied to no particular spot, but free to roam, citizens of all lands. +My trousseau was nearly completed; but the choosing and trying on of fine +garments did not still the mutinous thoughts seething in my brain. One +evening—shall I forget it in a thousand years?—while Mr. Winthrop was +at Oaklands, overseeing some special preparations to do honor to the +home-coming of his bride, I met Le Grande at a ball. He danced superbly, +and he was my partner that evening in so many dances that my chaperone +began to look darkly at me; while I saw many a meaning glance directed at +us. But I was fancying myself more in love with my gay partner than ever, +and once, in a pause of the dances, when he whispered, 'If to-night would +only last forever, with you at my side, I should be content.'</p> + +<p>"I came swiftly to the conclusion that life without George Le Grande +would be tasteless, and resolved then and there to yield to his +entreaties and fly from my solemn bridegroom. But my mind was wavering, +and I kept putting it off until the very night before my marriage morn +that was to be. We left the city by a midnight train, and after +travelling until morning we stopped at a country village—really I forget +the name, if I ever knew it—and were married in a little country church +by a dull, old minister who regarded us suspiciously all the time he was +performing the ceremony. I was sure he thought us a runaway couple, +but that did not trouble me so much as that obscure marriage with a +heavy-looking pair brought in from a cottage near at hand to witness the +ceremony. I kept contrasting it with the stately ceremony that was to +have taken place nearly at the same hour, in old Trinity, with the organ +pealing forth the wedding march, the rush of guests and sight-seers, +orange blossoms and perfumes, and all the bewildering vanities of a +fashionable wedding. Before I had signed my maiden name for the last +time, I began to regret my rash step, and ere the month was ended the +thorns of my ill-advised sowing were springing up around me. We were +neither of us so constituted as to make the best of a bad bargain, and +our married life had scarce begun when we began magnifying each other's +failings, and soon our brief passion had burnt itself out. Ah, me! with +what regret I used to look back to this quiet town, and the stately calm +of Oaklands, after one of our vulgar quarrels. I learned too soon that +my husband was a gambler, and that my fortune had been a more coveted +prize than myself; but fortunately, neither of us could touch anything +but the interest until my eldest child should come of age. So often in my +free-hearted days we had made merry over my father's ridiculous will! Now +how I thanked him for his wise forethought while my husband stormed +because it was so far beyond his reach! We might have lived in all my +accustomed style on the interest if my husband had been just; but now, +instead of sumptuous apparel I had to make the best of garments bought +before my marriage, while cheap hotels took the place of my former +elegant surroundings. My one passionate desire was to be free from this +hated union and many a time, no doubt, I was a murderess in my heart in +my longing to see him dead. At last my wish was granted. He was brought +home to me one night, a pistol-shot through his heart, received in a low +gambling hell. I did not trouble to inquire the particulars. He has been +dead a year. I have returned to America—for, at the time of his death, +we were in Europe. I have waited a decent time; and now, can you guess +what has brought me to Cavendish?"</p> + +<p>I shrank away from her when she turned towards me, a gracious smile on +her face. "You are silent. Is it a hopeless errand I have come on, think +you?"</p> + +<p>"If you have come to seek Mr. Winthrop's pardon, I think it is——"</p> + +<p>"You do not realize my influence over him. I could bend him to my will +like the merest child."</p> + +<p>I opened the album which still lay on my knee. "You must not expect to +meet the same man you knew here. He has changed—matured since then—if +I can judge from his face."</p> + +<p>"His heart, I am convinced, is unchanged. He is not one to forget the one +passion of his life. You have not gauged the depths of his character. Ah, +me! that I should have flung such a man away!"</p> + +<p>I made no reply, seeing she was convinced of her power; but, with all her +maddening grace and beauty, I kept the hope still that she would fail. +I could fancy Mr. Winthrop trampling ruthlessly on the strongest pleading +of his heart sooner than stoop to the degradation of a second time asking +her to be his wife.</p> + +<p>"You have been thinking it all out, and have decided there is no chance +for me."</p> + +<p>"How do you know?" I asked, startled by her correct guess.</p> + +<p>"Your face is a very open page. Be careful when you get to love a man, +which as yet I do not think you have ever done, lest your secret may too +easily be discovered. Men usually care very little for what costs them no +trouble."</p> + +<p>My face flushed hotly, but I made her no reply.</p> + +<p>"I expected you to flash back that you were never going to fall in love. +It is the way with most unsophisticated young people."</p> + +<p>"If I should, and my love is returned, I will be faithful to any vows +I may make."</p> + +<p>"My dear friend, you are too inexperienced to make such rash promises. +You do not know what mutinous elements are slumbering in your heart."</p> + +<p>"God help me to have principle enough to smother them if they are there +and get wakened."</p> + +<p>I rose to go, as night was rapidly falling.</p> + +<p>"I can stay no longer and so far as my helping you is concerned, I have +been summoned uselessly," I said, coldly.</p> + +<p>"No, indeed; I have heard that you were very pure minded, and see the +public estimate of your character is correct. I want you to teach me to +be like you, true and good."</p> + +<p>She looked into my eyes with such a guileless expression that, for an +instant, I thought she might be tired of her old, heartless life, and +long to be better. I stood looking with some perplexity into the fire, +scarce knowing what to say; but, turning my eyes suddenly, I saw a +mocking gleam pass over her face.</p> + +<p>"You would find it very tame patterning after me. I would advise you to +seek some higher ideal—one more worthy your superior powers." I bowed +and was turning towards the door.</p> + +<p>"Just one moment longer—won't you come again? I have a favor to ask of +you, but the moments have slipped away so rapidly I have not had time to +say all I want. Tell me, do you not think I have sinned past all +forgiveness, and should become an outcast from Oaklands and its master? +Is that the old-fashioned Christianity the Bible teaches?"</p> + +<p>"I cannot say that it is not."</p> + +<p>"Do you not say every day 'Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them +that trespass against us?'"</p> + +<p>"Yes. But the one who has done the wrong is commanded to do his or her +part also, to bring forth fruits showing their repentance."</p> + +<p>"Am I not about to do that when I humble myself, as I shall do at the +first suitable opportunity, to that proud man?"</p> + +<p>"Are you not suing for more than that? Have you come here merely to be +forgiven?"</p> + +<p>"You must not turn inquisitor. I have not, however, offended against you, +therefore you will come to see me again. Shall we say to-morrow? I seem +to feel as if Oaklands and Mr. Winthrop were brought near to me when you +are present."</p> + +<p>"I cannot promise to come again this week, at least."</p> + +<p>"Shall we say next Monday then? But it seems such a long time to wait. I +was not trained to patience in childhood, and I find it a difficult task, +learning it now."</p> + +<p>"Unless something unforeseen should happen to prevent, you may look for +me on Monday next." I promised, feeling a sort of pity for her in her +lonely condition.</p> + +<p>"Just one word more. Your guardian, they tell me, does not attend church +regularly."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Winthrop does not profess to be a religious man."</p> + +<p>"Could you not influence him to a better life? Have you ever asked him to +accompany you to church?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly not. He is a better judge than I as to his duty in the +matter."</p> + +<p>"I do not think so. I fear he is drifting very far from his boyhood's +teachings. His mother was a perfect woman, so far as I have been able to +learn."</p> + +<p>I looked my surprise; for I had not expected to hear such words from her +lips.</p> + +<p>"You must not judge me so harshly," she said, with gentle reproach. "I +hope I am not quite so bad as you think."</p> + +<p>"I am very glad you are interested in Mr. Winthrop, for other than +selfish reasons," I said, bluntly.</p> + +<p>She bowed her head meekly. "You will try to influence him then in the +matter of church going and other pure endeavors—won't you?"</p> + +<p>"I will try," I promised, rather uncertainly.</p> + +<p>"And begin at once."</p> + +<p>"Yes. I have given you the promise and usually keep my word."</p> + +<p>"Then good-bye until next week."</p> + +<p>The lamps were lighted when I passed along the oak walk that was my +nearest approach home to Oaklands, and the fact that I had broken my +promise to Mr. Winthrop never again to remain out alone after night +filled me with alarm and self-reproach. I succeeded in gaining the house +unperceived and was in abundant time for dinner, which I feared might +have been served.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXII" id="CHAPTER_XXII"></a>CHAPTER XXII.</h2> + +<h3>THE CHANGED HEART.</h3> + + +<p>When I entered the softly illumined dining-room, I was surprised to +find Mr. Winthrop standing near the fire, and gazing into it with a +preoccupied expression. Mrs. Flaxman was sitting in her favorite corner, +a book lying open on her knee, her eyes fixed on Mr. Winthrop somewhat +anxiously. Instinctively I felt something unusual had disturbed their +serenity—the sympathetic influences about me in the air which most of us +know something about, acquainted me with the fact. I was almost beside +Mr. Winthrop when he began to say, "Medoline must not know"—the sentence +was left unfinished, for Mrs. Flaxman seeing me said, abruptly,</p> + +<p>"Why, Mr. Winthrop, here is our runaway."</p> + +<p>He turned towards me, a startled look in his eyes. "Have you been out?" +he asked, with some surprise at her remark.</p> + +<p>"Yes," I looked at him with a pathetic interest never felt before.</p> + +<p>"Visiting your Mill Road pensioners?" he said, with a peculiar gesture, +as if trying to rid himself of some unpleasant reflection.</p> + +<p>"Not to-day, I do not go there every time I am out."</p> + +<p>"No, indeed, Medoline does not confine her kindness to those poor folk +alone," Mrs. Flaxman interposed.</p> + +<p>"You do not seek for the sorrowful elsewhere, I hope?"</p> + +<p>"The heavy-hearted are not confined to that locality alone, Mr. +Winthrop."</p> + +<p>"You include those also in your ministries of mercy," he said, with that +rare smile which strongly reminded me of a bright gleam of sunshine +falling on a hidden pool.</p> + +<p>"I am not so vain as to think I can reach their case. After I have +experienced the ministry of sorrow, I may touch sad hearts and comfort +them."</p> + +<p>"You are not anxious to suffer in order to do this. Remember, misery +sometimes hardens."</p> + +<p>"If we take our miseries to God, He can turn them into blessed evangels," +I replied softly.</p> + +<p>"Where did you learn that secret, Medoline?"</p> + +<p>"It was Mr. Bowen who taught me. God left him in the darkness, and then +gave him songs in the night—such grand harmonies, his life became like +a thanksgiving Psalm."</p> + +<p>"I hope you are not going to indulge in cant, Medoline. It does very well +for poor beggars like them; but for the enlightened and refined it is +quite out of place."</p> + +<p>"The very noblest specimens of humanity who have climbed to the utmost +peaks of intellectual excellence thought as Mr. Bowen does; as I hope +to think—God helping me, as I do think," I said, with a strange gladness +coming into my heart as if the old, hard heart had been suddenly changed +and made clean for the Master's entrance.</p> + +<p>"Poor little girl, I wish you had something more tangible than illusions +to rhapsodize over."</p> + +<p>My eyes filled with such happy tears as I lifted them to him, standing at +his side. "If you could only trust God, believe in Him as Mr. Bowen does, +you would find every other delight in life illusive, compared with the +joy He would give you."</p> + +<p>"Child, is that your own experience?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," I murmured softly.</p> + +<p>He turned and left the room abruptly. I went to Mrs. Flaxman, and, +kneeling beside her, my head on her knee—a posture we both enjoyed—I +anxiously asked: "Have I angered Mr. Winthrop?"</p> + +<p>"No, dear, he was not angry, for I was watching him; but you did what I +have not seen any one do to him for a good many years. You touched his +heart; 'and a little child shall lead them,'" she murmured so softly, I +scarce could catch the words.</p> + +<p>"I am not a little child, Mrs. Flaxman," I remonstrated.</p> + +<p>"Your are in some ways, darling. Your mother's prayers for her children +have been answered. Those God has already taken are safe; and you are one +of His little ones whose angel one day shall behold His face in joy."</p> + +<p>"I am glad my mother prayed for us; God is so sure to answer a mother's +prayers. I suppose it is because they are really in earnest. But did she +ask anything special?"</p> + +<p>"That you might be kept pure from the world's pollution, and get what was +really for your good. Her letters to Mrs. Winthrop were full of this: +They are all preserved among Mr. Winthrop's papers, and some day he will +give them to you."</p> + +<p>"She was a Christian, I think, like Mr. Bowen,—one who really had a hold +on God."</p> + +<p>"I never knew one so unspotted from the world. I too shall call her +mother if I meet her in the Heavenly places; for it was she brought me to +Jesus."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Flaxman, is it easy to come to Him,—to be His disciple?"</p> + +<p>"So easy, the way-faring man, though a fool, need not find it too +difficult."</p> + +<p>"I believe Christ has said to me as He did to the Magdalene: 'Daughter, +thy sins, which are many are all forgiven thee.' Is it not grand to be +His child? There is nothing in the world I want so much as to do His +will."</p> + +<p>"You stepped out of your way, Medoline, to help others, and they have +done more in return than you gave," she said, the tears filling her eyes.</p> + +<p>"I might not have found Christ for years, but for Mr. Bowen—perhaps +never," I added with a shudder.</p> + +<p>The dinner bell ended our little fellowship meeting by the firelight. Mr. +Winthrop came and we took our places at the table, the dinner going on +in the same precise fashion as if there were no such thing as glad, or +breaking hearts. There was very little conversation; and dinner ended, +Mrs. Flaxman and I were left alone directly. I longed to ask what it was +Mr. Winthrop decided I must not know; and the mere fact of his so wishing +deterred me from asking. But I felt convinced it was in some way +connected with Hermione Le Grande. Neither could I confess to Mrs. +Flaxman that I had only an hour or two before heard from her own lips the +terrible wrong she had done him, or her plainly expressed determination +to win him back once more.</p> + +<p>Usually an excellent sleeper, I lay that night finding sleep impossible, +and counting the quarter hours as the great hall clock rang them out in +the still space. I made the discovery, too, in the solemn hush of the +night, when thought grows most active and intense, that notwithstanding +his coldness and positive cynicism, I cherished for my guardian in the +short time I had been with him an affection stronger than I had ever felt +for any one since I had lost my two intensely-beloved parents—a loss +that had embittered the otherwise happy period of girlhood. I had never +realized until that night how much he was to me. Pity, perhaps, for the +bitter pain that had so changed his whole nature, may have awakened me to +the fact; but still there was an inexplicable charm about him that even +merry-hearted, trifling Hubert felt, and forced his unwilling regard. I +shrank with sudden pain from the mere thought of seeing him married to +Hermione Le Grande; but instinctively feeling that his was one of those +still, changeless natures which never outgrows a master passion, and +recalling her beauty and grace, I could only commit him to the sure care +of the God whom he affected to believe does not take cognizance of human +joys or griefs. With this there came such a sense of peace and security, +that my mind grew calm; and sleep, that soothes every heartache, brought +its benison. The next day I felt certain both from Mrs. Flaxman's manner +and Mr. Winthrop's, that some disturbing element was in the air; and +finding Mrs. Flaxman more inclined to solitude than society, after my +forenoon's work was ended—for what with the reading Mr. Winthrop +appointed, and the time appointed by myself for painting, the entire +morning until luncheon I found quite short enough. I started for Mrs. +Blake's. I found her in a very happy mood.</p> + +<p>The revival was still progressing in the Beech Street church, and +Esmerelda, from day to day, had been telling me how happy Mr. Bowen +was, and how some folks liked to hear him speak and pray better than +any preacher in town. Now Mrs. Blake gave me particulars that the +dress-loving Esmerelda had failed to note. "Dan'el and me have been +oneasy about the way we've lived ever since Margaret died," she said, +after we had been chatting a while about the meetings, and Mr. Lathrop, +the pastor of Beech Street church, and its late ongoings. "Dan'el +especially felt as if there wa'n't any chance for him; but since Mr. +Bowen has got out to the meetings, he's been a powerful help. It seemed +as if he jest knew how the Lord looked on us. Night afore last I went to +meeting with my mind made up to stay there until I found if there was any +mercy for me. I mind how I felt as I walked along the road. The snow was +deep, and the night cold, and everything seemed that desolate—my! I +wished I'd never been born. I don't know what made me, but I looked right +up into the sky all at onct; the stars were shining bright, and I thought +if God could keep all them hanging there on nothing, year after year, he +could keep me in the place He wanted for me, if I'd only agree to let +Him; and right there I stood stock still in the snow and said, 'Lord, I'm +a poor unlarnt creatur', but I want you to keep me where you want me, the +same as you do the stars. I'll take the poorest place in earth or Heaven, +if you'll only adopt me as your own.' I meant what I said, and the Lord +just then and there sealed the bargain; and my! but I went on to the +meeting that happy I didn't know if I was on earth or up among the holy +ones, who are forever praising God. Dan'el had got much the same blessing +some time ago, and when we came home he took down the Bible and prayed. +The preacher tells the heads of families if they want to keep their +religion they must build an altar as the patriarchs did. Religion is the +same now as then."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake stopped only for want of breath.</p> + +<p>"And are you as happy now as you were that night?"</p> + +<p>"Everybit; and so is Dan'el. It's something that stays with one; and the +longer you have it, and the more you have, the better content you are. +The night I got converted, when we come home from meeting, Dan'el sot +talking more'n he usually does; for he's a powerful still man, and, at +last, he says: 'If Marget had only lived till now, she might have got the +blessing too;' and then he burst right out crying. But he's never +mentioned her sence, only last night, in meeting, he said, if we had +friends in the other world that we weren't sure were in glory, we mustn't +let that keep us sorrowful, but jest work all the harder for them that +was still in the world. I didn't think Dan'el could be so changed. I +heard him try to sing this morning; but, dear, his singing is something +ter'ble. He has no more ear than a cow. Maybe the Lord turns it into good +singing—he looks at the heart, and perhaps it sounds better up among the +angels than them great singers does that gets a forten for one night's +singing."</p> + +<p>"I am sure it does," I said, emphatically. "He will make splendid music +by-and-by, when he stands with the Heavenly choir."</p> + +<p>"I reckon he'll most stop then to hear his own voice, for he does dote so +on singing, and feels so bad that he can't do better."</p> + +<p>"Singing and making melody in your hearts. You can do that now, Mrs. +Blake, and with God's help, I hope to be able to do the same."</p> + +<p>"What! have you been thinking of these things too, Miss Selwyn?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. For a good while I have been struggling with a burden of sin that +sometimes nearly crushed me; but it is gone now. Last night the joy of +pardon came just like a flash of light into my heart."</p> + +<p>"Thank the Lord for that. There's been some praying very earnest for you. +They'll be glad their prayers are answered."</p> + +<p>"I can never repay what some of you people out here have done for me."</p> + +<p>"Well, dear, you've done for us. The minister said, 'under God we were +indebted to Mr. Bowen for this revival, and there's already nigh unto +fifty converted.' He couldn't have come to the meetings if you hadn't +clothed him; and now, you've done still more, and got him his eyesight, +he's twice as useful. 'Twould have done you good to see him in meeting +the first Sunday after he come back. He'd look up at the pulpit, and then +he'd look at the people; and it seemed as if he could hardly sense where +he was—he was that glad and happy. The preacher said, in the evening, +we'd have a praise meeting after the sermon; and sure enough we had; for +when Mr. Bowen got talking about what the Lord had done for him, and what +he had been to him in sorrow and blindness, before I knew it, I was +crying like a baby—me that had my eyesight, and health—and never +thanked the Lord for them. When I got my eyes wiped I took a look around, +and there sot Dan'el a blowing his nose, and mopping his face, as if it +was a sweltering day in August; and then when I looked further, there was +nothing much to be seen but pocket-handkerchiefs. That was the beginning +of the revival; and if you hadn't got Mr. Bowen out to meeting, there +mightn't have been any. So, after the Lord, I lay it all to you."</p> + +<p>"No, Mrs. Blake. I was scarcely equal in this matter to those poor souls +who helped Noah build the Ark and were drowning for want of its shelter. +They labored harder than I; for what I gave was more from impulse, and it +was a pleasure."</p> + +<p>"I guess God don't make mistakes paying folks for what they do, and maybe +it's jest as well not to have a great consait of yourself; but you're the +first one I've heard comparing themselves to Noah's Ark builders."</p> + +<p>I turned the conversation somewhat abruptly.</p> + +<p>"What is Mr. Bowen doing now?"</p> + +<p>"He's taken on in Belcher's Mill, working at the books."</p> + +<p>"I suppose they are getting along nicely at Mrs. Larkum's now."</p> + +<p>"Yes, indeed. She was complaining after meeting last night, she'd only +seed you onct since her father got back, to have a good talk with you."</p> + +<p>"Shall we go there now, for a little while?"</p> + +<p>"I'd be glad to, and she'll be pleased to see us coming, I know."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake was very soon in readiness, we started out into the dull, cold +air, scarce noticing that the wind was blowing raw and chill from the +east, and the soughing wind betokening a storm. While I sat in Mrs. +Larkum's tidy room, listening to her voice, I kept contrasting her with +the elegantly dressed, beautiful woman whose face and gestures I was +studying the previous day. The one nurtured in the shady places of life, +and inured to poverty and hardship; the other privileged with the best +opportunities for culture, and high intellectual and social development; +and yet with vision grown suddenly clear, I could detect a refinement of +the soul, and true womanly honor in Mrs. Larkum that the other lacked. I +was glad to notice that Mrs. Larkum's tears had ceased to flow so +profusely. There was an occasional moistening of the eye from sheer joy; +for she too had got her experience brightened of late. She was finding it +easier to trust in the Lord, and be glad in Him now that she had got a +stronger arm than her own to lighten her burdens. As we talked I found +they were blessed with an honest independence of spirit that proved them +a better class than many who receive help.</p> + +<p>"Father has begun to lay by money to pay you," she announced, with +evident pleasure.</p> + +<p>"He has already paid me a thousand-fold. I never want any other +recompense."</p> + +<p>"I do not think he will be satisfied to let that debt go unpaid. He was +always so particular to owe no man anything. In our worst poverty he +would never let me go in debt."</p> + +<p>"Then I can never repay him," I said, sorrowfully, "for I try, like him, +to be independent; but I suppose there are blessings no money can ever +repay."</p> + +<p>"Why, every time he opens his eyes in the morning, he says his first +thought is to thank the Lord, and his next is a prayer that you may get +your reward."</p> + +<p>"His prayer has been answered," I murmured, with tear-filled eyes.</p> + +<p>"Poor father was always a great man for prayer ever since I can +recollect. Sometimes I used to doubt if there was anything in religion +when I saw how poorly his prayers were answered; but I have since learned +that the Lord does hear prayer, and that He answers in the best possible +way, though when we are suffering it seems hard to wait patiently His +good time."</p> + +<p>"But if it is hard for a little spell on earth, there's a long while to +have our wants satisfied when we get where He is in Heaven," Mrs. Blake +said, in her calm, strong way.</p> + +<p>"Dear Miss Selwyn, Heaven seemed very close to us in our meeting last +night. I thought of you, and wished so much you were with us."</p> + +<p>"I wish your father would pray that I might have the opportunity to come. +The difficulties in the way just now seem insuperable, but with God's +help they could be removed."</p> + +<p>"Yes, indeed. I've knowed folks that was a hurt to Christians took out of +the world uncommon sudden," Mrs. Blake remarked, with a very meaning nod +of her head.</p> + +<p>"I do not want Mr. Winthrop to die," I said, with quick alarm. "If I had +to choose, I think I would rather die myself."</p> + +<p>"I didn't know you liked him that well. I reckoned he was hard to +please."</p> + +<p>"I acknowledge that he is; but then a word of praise from him is worth a +great deal," I frankly replied.</p> + +<p>"I believe you are in the way to win his approval. A pure, unselfish life +must gain the respect of every honest soul, soon or late," Mrs. Larkum +said, with gentle assurance.</p> + +<p>There was no more said on the subject. But the thought that Mr. Bowen was +praying for me made me feel more confident that everything would turn out +best for me, and for those also in whom I was most interested.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIII" id="CHAPTER_XXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXIII.</h2> + +<h3>THE ENCOUNTER AT ST. MARK'S.</h3> + + +<p>I did not forget through the week Mrs. Le Grande's eagerness for Mr. +Winthrop to attend church, and although not permitting myself, if +possible, to impute false motives to others, I concluded it was not +anxiety for his spiritual well-being that prompted the desire on her +part. However I resolved to ask him, and was very anxious that he should +grant my request. The day dawned bright and clear, one of those hopeful +days with promise of the coming summer in the clear shining of the +February sun. At breakfast Mr. Winthrop spoke of the rare loveliness of +the morning; the blue of the sky, soft and tender as a mother's eye, with +here and there a fleecy cloud such as painters love to put on their +canvas. Away to the south, the sea was dimpling and sparkling in ten +thousand broken ripples, with here and there a brave vessel sailing away +over the cold, heaving waters.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop seemed in more genial mood than he had been for a week; and +when he left the table I followed him to the door, where he stood gazing +with eyes trained to take in intelligently the charming scene. I stood +silent, entering in a very half-hearted manner into his keen enjoyment +of the picture painted by God's own hand, spread out before us.</p> + +<p>"It is no use for a man to attempt copying that living, throbbing scene, +nor yet to describe it," he said, with an air of dissatisfaction.</p> + +<p>"To copy would be easy, compared with creating it," I suggested timidly.</p> + +<p>"Yes; but when, and by whom done? That is the question that maddens one," +he answered after a long pause.</p> + +<p>"The Bible says the same hand that was nailed to the cross on Calvary +created it. 'By whom also the worlds were made,'" I murmured.</p> + +<p>"Ah, if we only had some evidence of that; but it is all dark, dark, on +the other side of death, and on the other side of life too. Whence came +we—whither do we tend? What power sent Sirius and all that galaxy of +suns marching serenely through space? We, in our little planet-ship, +falling into line, going like comets one day, and then vanishing; but the +worlds moving on unconscious of our departure, and yet some power +controls them and us. Medoline, to have my faith anchored as yours is, to +a beneficent, all-powerful God, I would be willing to die this instant if +I might be absorbed into Him, or be taken into his presence forever. You +who can calmly accept your religion as you do the atmosphere you inhale, +should live as far above earthly passions and entanglements, as those +light clouds hanging in yonder vault are above the earth; nay, rather +like the stars which only touch us by that law of the universe that +holds the remotest stars together."</p> + +<p>"Have you tried any more earnestly to find the God of the Bible than you +have done Boodh or Vishnu, or other man-created deities?" I asked.</p> + +<p>He turned to me in his keen, incisive way:—"No, Medoline, I cannot say +that I have—not since boyhood, at least, when my mother, who loved the +God whom Israel served so indifferently, endeavored to train my +rebellious will to His service."</p> + +<p>"You have lived all these years Godless?"</p> + +<p>"In plain English, yes."</p> + +<p>"Then that great star, Sirius, you just spoke of, and all the other suns, +and their systems, as well as the humblest created things, have fulfilled +the purposes of their Maker's will, save the last supreme effort of His +power—man, originally made a 'little lower than God.' I wonder that I +honor you as I do, when you deny the existence of my God and Saviour."</p> + +<p>He looked down at me with a gentleness at which I was surprised, and his +next question did not lessen this.</p> + +<p>"Would you be terrified if death, in some form, were suddenly to seize +you, dismissing you from your present environments into the unclothed +state, could you trust, to the uttermost, this mighty Being whose +friendship you so confidently claim?"</p> + +<p>I paused before replying. Certainly death just then did not seem welcome. +I loved life and enjoyed it, and longed for its fuller experiences. As I +studied his question, there came a fear that, since I clung with such +desire to life, I could not be fitted for higher places. No doubt he saw +the pained, uncertain look on my face, which his question had caused.</p> + +<p>"If God wished for me to leave this world," I said, slowly, "no doubt he +would give me the necessary grace and fortitude to do so patiently; but +I do not want to die now, unless it is His will. I love my life, and +would like to serve my generation for a good many years. There are such +grand opportunities to be useful to others."</p> + +<p>"That is a more healthy type of piety than I would have given you credit +for. I am glad you are not anxious to leave us. The Superior powers are +apt to humor such fancies in the young, and remove them from this +distasteful world."</p> + +<p>I saw that a lighter mood was taking the place of his more serious one of +a few minutes before, and I hastened to make my request. "Won't you come +to church with me this bright morning, Mr. Winthrop?"</p> + +<p>He looked at me with that clear, honest gaze that always seemed to +penetrate my deepest thoughts.</p> + +<p>"Why do you make that request? You have never asked me before."</p> + +<p>A guilty blush crimsoned my face, and I murmured something about wanting +him to go particularly that morning, and then hastily entered the house. +As I put on my bonnet and cloak for church, I made up my mind never to +make a request of him again without being able to give a good, honest +reason for it.</p> + +<p>The bell of St. Mark's began ringing as I went down the broad staircase. +I paused a moment at the library door, and then went on to the +drawing-room, where Mrs. Flaxman usually awaited me. I was surprised to +find her sitting near the fire, a book in her hand, and no preparation +made for church.</p> + +<p>"You must go alone this morning, I fear."</p> + +<p>"Are you not well?"</p> + +<p>"No, dear; I cannot even plead a headache. I might go deeper, though; for +I have had a heartache of late."</p> + +<p>"Have you got bad news from Hubert?"</p> + +<p>"On the contrary, I have had better news than usual from him in his last +few letters; but, dear, I may have other anxieties than merely personal +ones."</p> + +<p>"Our anxieties should send us to God's house, and not keep us away—don't +you think?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, in most cases. Some day I may explain all this to you, Medoline; +but not now."</p> + +<p>"Good-bye, then," I said, kissing the sweet, gentle face, and thinking I +knew what was keeping her at home. As I passed into the hall, I saw Mr. +Winthrop coming down from his own room; but I did not pause to speak, +thinking he was on his way to the library. My hand was on the door, when +he called me back.</p> + +<p>"After inviting me to church, are you going without me?"</p> + +<p>I turned and saw that he was taking his hat.</p> + +<p>"Are you really going?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, really. I would be rude, indeed, to slight your first invitation."</p> + +<p>"Do you come this morning merely because I invited you?" I asked, +incredulously.</p> + +<p>"Do you consider it courteous to inquire too minutely into the motives of +your friends?"</p> + +<p>I was silent while I stood for a few seconds regarding him closely. I +wondered if he had not taken special pains with his toilet; for I had +never seen him look so regally handsome before. He may have detected my +admiring gaze; for he said, lightly:</p> + +<p>"What is wrong, that you favor me with such scrutinizing glances?"</p> + +<p>"There is nothing wrong, Mr. Winthrop, so far as my eyes can penetrate. I +trust that to clearer vision than mine what lies deeper than human gaze +can pierce, is equally perfect."</p> + +<p>"Is it your custom, little one, to pay your male acquaintances such open +compliments?"</p> + +<p>"It was not a compliment. I only spoke the truth," I said, quietly, as we +walked side by side down the lilac-bordered footpath, the way we always +went to church when we walked, as it cut off a-half mile or more. It was +a charming walk in summer; but now the low bushes looked common and +ungraceful, stripped of their foliage; but the ground was high, and over +their tops we could see the distant hills and the sun-kissed sea. And +this morning as I tripped lightly by my guardian's side, I fancied I had +never seen this quiet pathway even in its midsummer glory look so +perfect.</p> + +<p>"It is a wise plan not to tell your friends the truth always. Masculine +vanity is occasionally as strongly developed as feminine," he said after +we had gone some time in silence.</p> + +<p>"But you are not vain, Mr. Winthrop; I never saw any one so free from +it," I said, gravely.</p> + +<p>"You are determined to overwhelm me with your flattery. We must change +our conversational topics altogether."</p> + +<p>"First, let me ask if flattery is not half-sister to falsehood?"</p> + +<p>"Probably they are pretty closely related; but why are you anxious to get +that matter settled?"</p> + +<p>"Because I do not want you to believe I ever tell you what is not true. +I do not think I could, if I tried."</p> + +<p>"You reserve that privilege, then, for your other friends."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no; I am never tempted to be untruthful with them."</p> + +<p>"And are you so tempted in your relation with me?" he asked, a little +sternly.</p> + +<p>"Sometimes."</p> + +<p>"Why, Medoline, you astonish me. Tell me what reason you have for being +so tempted?"</p> + +<p>"You make me afraid of you; that is my only reason," I murmured, +trembling already with a touch of my natural fear of him.</p> + +<p>"I am sorry to know that I stand in the relation of an ogre to you."</p> + +<p>"You do not, and I never meant to tell you that. I am afraid of you. By +and bye, when I get a little older, I do not think that I shall be; but +you make me tell you everything."</p> + +<p>"If that is the case I am surprised you have so little wrong-doing to +confess. I believe you will ultimately convince me that a few of your sex +have escaped the taint of their evil inheritance."</p> + +<p>His words caused such a thrill of delight that, remembering what a +tell-tale face I had, I turned my head to watch intently the white sails +of a ship far away to the left; but I presently bethought myself to +inquire what our special inheritance was.</p> + +<p>"That which Eve left her daughters—deceit."</p> + +<p>"But, Mr. Winthrop, we are alike descendants of hers; and the sons as +often take after their mother as their father."</p> + +<p>"That is not a bad hit. It never occurred to me before. Men and women, +however, are different; whether created so originally we do not know. +But sometimes we meet a woman combining the best qualities of both sexes; +but so far as my experience goes, they are the rarest product of creative +skill. I dare say there are men occasionally combining the same beautiful +qualities."</p> + +<p>"I think Mr. Bowen does."</p> + +<p>"Have you ever told him as much?" Mr. Winthrop asked, with an odd smile.</p> + +<p>"No, I have scarcely said anything to him about his goodness. I like best +to let him do the talking when we are together."</p> + +<p>"I am getting curious to see that man."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, if you would only come with me to their church. They +are having wonderful meetings, and people are getting converted."</p> + +<p>"What church is it?"</p> + +<p>"Beech Street, I heard the minister pray at Mrs. Blake's funeral, and +once since at the Larkums. I have longed to hear him again. I never heard +anything like it in my life. It reminded me of a beautiful poem or +oratorio."</p> + +<p>"Why, have you not gone to his church, then, to hear him?"</p> + +<p>"I feared you might be displeased."</p> + +<p>We walked on some distance in silence. I stole a quick look once at his +face to see if he was angry, but he seemed in one of his abstracted +moods, and I reflected that by this time, he had probably forgotten +my existence. But I was mistaken; for all at once he said abruptly, as he +stood holding open the gate that led from the footpath into the main +street. "You have been a more obedient girl than I expected any of your +sex could be, especially one with your keen, impetuous nature. To reward +your fidelity I will go to the Beech Street church whenever you wish." I +looked up at him, the grateful tears in my eyes, but some way my feelings +had got beyond my control, and I dared not attempt to thank him. We +joined the crowds on the sidewalk and after a while he said:—</p> + +<p>"You have not thanked me, Medoline; don't you appreciate my offer?"</p> + +<p>I tried to speak; but my lip quivered, and I remained silent.</p> + +<p>"You have thanked me very eloquently, little one; more so than if you had +used set phrases."</p> + +<p>The remainder of our walk was completed mostly in silence. I scarce knew +why, but my heart was as glad as if June roses and song birds had been +about us as we went. I looked at some staid people,—old looking to me, +though few of them were past fifty,—and pitied them that they too were +not young and glad-hearted like me. As we neared the church, the sunshine +and gladness suddenly grew dim, for there, in all her perfect loveliness, +Mrs. Le Grande was approaching St. Mark's from the opposite direction. +Impulsively I turned to Mr. Winthrop, hoping he would not see her; for +usually he was quite oblivious of the presence of those who might be on +the street with him. A glance assured me that he was looking at her, and +that her desire was gratified. He took no notice, however, of my abrupt +movement, and without change of expression or voice, said: "There seems +a good many strangers on their way to church this morning. Some unusual +circumstance must have occurred to bring out so many curious +worshippers." I could not help smiling at the veiled irony in voice and +words. Fortunately we were considerably nearer the church than Mrs. Le +Grande, and without quickening our steps gained its shelter before she +overtook us, although I saw she moved more quickly after she saw us. St. +Mark's was an ancient church, built in old colonial days. One could +easily fancy themselves in a country church in some quiet English +village, as their eyes fell on the high-backed pews, narrow, stained +glass-windows, and walls covered with memorial tablets, and the other +peculiarities of a church over a century old. The Winthrop pew was near +the pulpit. A large square one, and commanding an excellent view of the +congregation. When Mrs. Le Grande entered, she paused for a moment, +apparently taking a rapid survey of the church; when her eye fell on our +pew. Without paying any attention to the usher, she glided to the nearest +vacant seat to ours. Directly, I was conscious that very many eyes were +upon us. Opening my Bible, I read mechanically the words before me; but +no more conscious of their meaning than if they had been Sanscrit. When +the service began, in the withdrawal of attention to other things, I took +courage to look at Mr. Winthrop. He sat facing Mrs. Le Grande, but with +face as unruffled as if he were reading his morning paper. I glanced next +at Mrs. Le Grande. She sat with downcast eyes, her color varying +fitfully. She might have been taken for some beautiful picture of +penitence. I do not know if Mr. Winthrop vouchsafed her a single look, +but from her expression I judged that she thought he was watching her +closely. It was a relief when the service was ended, although my +conscience painfully reminded me that I would have another master +opportunity for listening to the preached gospel to repent of, or else to +confront some day; for I had been so nervous I had not listened +intelligently to a single sentence of the sermon.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIV" id="CHAPTER_XXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXIV.</h2> + +<h3>MRS. LE GRANDE'S STRATAGEM.</h3> + + +<p>The congregation slowly dispersed, Mr. Winthrop pausing, as was his wont, +for the crowd to move out. Although one of the busiest men I ever met, he +never seemed in a hurry. Besides, he had an extreme dislike to be jostled +by a hurrying crowd. When he saw the aisles getting empty he left the +pew. Mrs. La Grande apparently, like ourselves, liked plenty of +elbow-room; for she only left her pew a few steps in advance of us. Mr. +Winthrop walked leisurely towards the door. I dropped behind, not wishing +to bow to her in his presence, and not capable either of the rudeness of +passing her without a friendly nod. My heart beat thickly as I saw him +approaching nearer to her, and a moment after they were side by side. She +partly turned her face toward him, an expression of contrition and +appeal, making her beauty well-nigh irresistible. I gazed, fascinated; +then after awhile I turned my eyes to Mr. Winthrop. I felt a sudden +relief when I saw the same unconcerned expression that was habitual to +him. Mrs. Le Grande looked him, for an instant, full in the face, when a +swift change came over her own countenance. For the first time, probably, +she realized that her power and fascination had lost their effect on him. +A crimson flush of shame and anger swept over cheek and brow, as quickly +followed by a deathly pallor. Mr. Winthrop, without noticing her +presence, walked leisurely on. She stood perfectly still, leaning her +hand, as if for support, against the back of a pew. I hastened to her +side, pitying her deeply in her disappointment. She gave me a dazed look, +scarce seeming to recognize me; I paused an instant and held out my hand, +but she did not seem to notice it. She looked so wan and wretched I felt +I must try to comfort her, though at the risk of Mr. Winthrop's +displeasure.</p> + +<p>"You are not looking well," I said compassionately. "Is there anything +I can do for you?"</p> + +<p>"You would not dare, even if you were willing, with that merciless man so +near," she said, faintly. I paid no attention to her remark, but asked if +I might get her a glass of water.</p> + +<p>"Yes, anything, please, to take away this deathly feeling." I drew her +into a pew and forced her to lie down, crushing thereby a most elegant +toilet. But I was afraid she was dying, she looked so pale; then, rushing +to the vestry, I found the sexton. He looked somewhat startled at sight +of me.</p> + +<p>"Can you give me some water?—there is a lady upstairs very ill."</p> + +<p>"That one that's such a stunner?" he said, coolly, going to a shelf near +where he had water and glasses.</p> + +<p>"I presume it is the same," I said, seizing the glass, while wondering at +his indifference.</p> + +<p>"You'd best not get too frightened, Miss Selwyn. I've heard of that one +afore, and she knows what she's about."</p> + +<p>I hastened back to my charge, leaving him to follow at his leisure. I +found her on the floor, apparently unconscious. Forgetful of the dainty +Paris bonnet, I began applying the water vigorously, when she opened her +eyes, and said:</p> + +<p>"That will do."</p> + +<p>I dried her face, whisking away a few bountiful drops that were clinging +to her garments. She arose directly. Several persons who had been late +in leaving the church had collected around us. She glanced at them, a +look of keen disappointment passing over her face. With an amazing return +of vitality, she passed quickly out of the pew, saying, lightly:</p> + +<p>"Your church was uncomfortably hot, and the air was very impure; it seems +a necessity to absorb one's religion and a vitiated atmosphere at the +same time."</p> + +<p>She turned to me presently, saying:</p> + +<p>"You get very easily alarmed, Miss Selwyn. Are you always so impetuous in +your deeds of mercy?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, indeed. I never had such cause for alarm but once before, and +that was a poor widow who was utterly overcome by some good news I was +bringing her. My friends usually have sufficient nerve to endure heavy +shocks," I said, very sweetly.</p> + +<p>Her eyes flashed, but she allowed no further sign of annoyance to escape +her. When we reached the door, she turned to me and said, very cordially:</p> + +<p>"I shall look for you to-morrow, according to promise. Forgive me for +having kept you so long from your escort. I fear a scolding awaits you. +Mr. Winthrop I used to find very impatient, if kept waiting."</p> + +<p>I left her standing on the church steps, and turned my face homeward. +When I reached the street I found Mr. Winthrop had got some distance +ahead; but he was walking slowly, and I soon overtook him.</p> + +<p>"Is it your custom to remain chatting with your friends after the +sermon?" he asked, carelessly.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no; but a lady who sat near us fainted just as I was standing by +her."</p> + +<p>"And, of course, as a sort of mother-general of the sorrowing, you +stopped to comfort her?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; but a few drops of water sufficed. She knew all the time I was in +danger of spoiling her bonnet."</p> + +<p>"I am glad she snubbed you. You are too innocent to be matched against so +perfect an actress."</p> + +<p>Then he changed the conversation, and Mrs. Le Grande was not mentioned +again that day. I noticed, however, that he partook very sparingly of +dinner; and, in the hour or two which he usually spent on the Sabbath +with us in the drawing-room, he was unusually silent. I went to the +library for a book, leaving him and Mrs. Flaxman alone, and returned just +in time to interrupt, a second time, a conversation clearly not intended +for my ears.</p> + +<p>"Yes. She was at church this morning, looking as wickedly beautiful as +ever," he was saying, as if in answer to Mrs. Flaxman's question.</p> + +<p>When the church bells began ringing that evening, a strong desire seized +me to claim the fulfillment of his promise to accompany me to the Beech +Street Church. He may have read it in my face.</p> + +<p>"Are you going to take me out again to-night?"</p> + +<p>"Do you wish to go?" I asked, with girlish eagerness.</p> + +<p>"I have told you before it is not polite to reply to a question by asking +another."</p> + +<p>"Then I would like very much indeed to go to Mr. Lathrop's church +to-night, if you are willing."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman looked up from her book with amazement.</p> + +<p>"You were never at their church before. What will those people think?"</p> + +<p>"There must always be a first time, and probably you are aware I am not +in bondage to other people's thoughts," he said, with calm indifference.</p> + +<p>"Won't you come, too, Mrs. Flaxman?" I urged.</p> + +<p>"With pleasure," was the smiling response.</p> + +<p>"What will your Dr. Hill think if he hears you have been to hear +Lathrop?"</p> + +<p>"I must endeavor to live above public opinion, as well as you."</p> + +<p>"I am afraid such elevation would chill you."</p> + +<p>"Don't you want Mrs. Flaxman to go?"</p> + +<p>"I have nothing to say against it, if she has courage to brave public +opinion."</p> + +<p>"I did not think you reckoned me such a coward."</p> + +<p>"That shows how little we know what our intimate friends think of us; if +there was a general laying bare of hearts, methinks there would be lively +times for a while."</p> + +<p>I stood thinking his words over very seriously, and then turning to him +said, gravely:—</p> + +<p>"I would be willing for nearly all my friends to see my thoughts +respecting them."</p> + +<p>"There would be some exceptions, then. You said nearly all, remember. The +few might be the ones most anxious to know, and upon whom the restriction +would bear most heavily."</p> + +<p>"They might not care what I thought," I said with a hot flush; something +in his look making me tremble.</p> + +<p>"If we are to be in time for church we should leave very shortly," he +said, looking at his watch.</p> + +<p>"And we are really going to Beech Street Church this evening?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, really," he said, with that genial smile I was beginning to regard +like a caress.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Flaxman and I hastened to our rooms; she nearly as well pleased as +I. It seemed quite too good to be true that we three were to go in +company to those meetings where men and women talked to each other, and +to God, of all the great things He was doing for them. I was very +speedily robed and back in the drawing-room, where Mr. Winthrop was still +sitting gazing into the fire with that indrawn, abstracted expression on +his face which was habitual to it in repose. I waited silently near until +Mrs. Flaxman should come in and interrupt his reverie. I liked to watch +his face in those rare moments, and used to speculate on what he might +be thinking, and wishing my own thoughts were high and strong enough to +follow his on their long upward flight.</p> + +<p>He looked at me suddenly.</p> + +<p>"What, if I could read your thoughts now, Medoline? From your intent look +I think I was the subject of your meditations." I smiled calmly.</p> + +<p>"You would have been flattered, as you were this morning, perhaps. I was +just wishing I was capable of going with you along those high paths +where, by your face, I knew you were straying."</p> + +<p>"Was that what you were thinking about, and that only?"</p> + +<p>My face crimsoned, but I looked up bravely into the honest eyes watching +me.</p> + +<p>"Must I confess even my thoughts to you, Mr. Winthrop? I have had to ask +that question before?"</p> + +<p>"Not necessarily. But I have a fancy just now to know what else you were +thinking of."</p> + +<p>I hesitated a moment, and then said bravely: "I was looking at your face, +and it occurred to me that in some faces there was the same power to +thrill one's soul that there is in splendid music, or poems that can +never die."</p> + +<p>"You were in a very imaginative and sentimental mood to trace such +analogies. It is not wise to see so much in a common human face."</p> + +<p>"Do we not sometimes get glimpses of God in that way?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Are you always thinking such high thoughts, Medoline?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, indeed. When I have nothing to inspire them, my thoughts are +very commonplace. The brook cannot rise higher than its source; it needs +artificial help to scale mountain tops."</p> + +<p>He looked at me kindly as he said: "You are not fashioned after the +regulation models of the woman of to-day."</p> + +<p>"I think I have heard that idea expressed in varying phrases a good many +times since I came to America."</p> + +<p>"It does not displease you?"</p> + +<p>"It used to at first. Possibly I am getting used to it now. I see there +is so much genuine unhappiness in the world, I am not going to grieve +over the mild criticisms of my friends."</p> + +<p>"A very philosophic conclusion to come to. But does it not occur to you +that other meanings than unkindly ones may be taken from these chance +remarks we let fall?"</p> + +<p>"It would please me if I could," I said, looking at him with pleased +eagerness. Mrs. Flaxman entered the room then, ready for church. My head +was aching severely, and a distressing giddiness occasionally seized me; +but I was so eager for this long coveted privilege, I kept silent about +my feelings. Sickness and I were such strangers to each other, I scarcely +understood its premonitory warnings.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXV" id="CHAPTER_XXV"></a>CHAPTER XXV.</h2> + +<h3>BEECH STREET WORSHIPPERS.</h3> + + +<p>As we neared the Beech Street Church, we found a crowd of persons +hurrying in the same direction. Mrs. Flaxman expressed her astonishment; +since she supposed Mr. Lathrop's flock to be small in number, and humble +in its class of adherents. When we reached the door, a glance inside +revealed the fact that it was already comfortably filled, and where all +the approaching throng were to be bestowed was a mystery. Daniel Blake +was one of the ushers. His face brightened at sight of us. Nodding +respectfully to Mr. Winthrop, he led us to one of the best seats in the +house. I glanced around at the large congregation, and was impressed by +the solemn hush pervading the place, and the expectant look on the faces +of the worshippers. Mr. Bowen was sitting near and I wanted Mr. Winthrop +to see and know him; so I took out my pencil and wrote on the leaf of my +hymn book directing his attention to my friend. He looked keenly at the +pale, rapt face, and then with a scarce perceptible smile turned to me.</p> + +<p>The church kept filling; and while yet the people were streaming in, the +minister arose, and after a brief, but exceedingly solemn invocation, +gave out the hymn. In an alcove just behind the preacher's stand was a +cabinet organ, and some half dozen singers, male and female; but once the +singing had got well under way, organ and choir were as though they were +not; nearly every one in the house was singing save myself and Mr. +Winthrop. I kept silent the more keenly to enjoy the heavy volume of +sound which impressed me as more reverent praise than any church music +I had ever heard. I turned to Mr. Winthrop. He too was looking over the +dense mass of humanity with a curious intentness, as if here were some +entirely new experience. When the hymn was ended there was a moment's +hush after the congregation had bowed in reverent act of worship and then +the preacher's voice rose in earnest pleading. I noticed it was better +modulated than at Mrs. Blake's funeral, possibly the effort to make +himself heard by the scattered groups on that occasion caused the +difference. My eyes filled with tears, and a strange trembling seized me +as the petitions grew more earnest; the prayer was short, yet so much was +comprehended in it. The Scripture lesson was read in very natural, but +also solemn manner, without any attempt at rhetorical display, yet +bringing out the subtle meanings of the passage in a peculiarly realistic +way. The sermon was delivered in much the same manner; but in every word +and gesture there seemed a reserve power and dignity, while the thoughts +were strong and original; and better than all, they made one wish to be +purer, more unselfish, in fact Christ-like.</p> + +<p>The place seemed pervaded by some mysterious influence never experienced +by me before in any church. The sermon was ended at last; the Judgment +Day was the theme; all the old horror that used haunt me in childhood, +when I thought upon this awful period in my soul's future, came back to +me as the preacher with a power scarce short of inspiration pictured that +day. I could hear Mrs. Flaxman's subdued weeping while in every part of +the house, tears and low sobs added to the solemnity of the scene. Mr. +Winthrop sat with folded arms and set stern face, apparently unmoved; but +the intent watchfulness of his face as he followed the preacher assured +me that the sermon was making an impression. A hymn was sung when the +sermon was ended, and then all who wished to remain to the after-meeting +were assured of a welcome, no matter to what church they belonged, or if +aliens from all.</p> + +<p>I scarce dared lift my eyes to Mr. Winthrop lest he might be preparing to +leave; but to my relief he sat calmly down along with nearly the entire +congregation, and then the other meeting began first with a number of +prayers, afterward with speaking by men and women all over the house. +When Mr. Bowen prayed, there was a solemn hush as if the people were +almost holding their breath lest some word might be missed. I could not +wonder that men's hearts were melted by the power and tenderness of his +utterances. Strange that God should hide such gifts away for years when +the world was in such need of workers. Along through the meeting there +were occasional snatches of song, deep, resonant melody that uplifted +the heart as it welled up from glad, thankful souls. Men and women rose, +for the most part with modest calmness, and told what God had done for +them, and what they still expected from our Father as loving as He is +rich. I listened spellbound. Some of them had a story to tell so like +my own that my heart was thrilled at times. I wanted to tell what God had +done for me, but before that crowded house, and worse than all, in +presence of Mr. Winthrop, I found it impossible; but just at the close +the minister, with a kindly thoughtfulness for which I blessed him said: +"There may be some one here who loves Christ but has not courage to tell +us so. If they are willing to witness for Him we extend them the +privilege of doing this by merely rising to their feet."</p> + +<p>My heart beat painfully and my head swam, but forgetful of my guardian's +displeasure, and the concentrated gaze of some hundreds of eyes, I stood +up. I heard a heartfelt "praise God," from the direction of Mr. Bowen's +pew, and then there was a gentle rustle in every part of the house, and +scores stood up, Mrs. Flaxman among the rest. The meeting closed quietly, +and in the same solemn hush the people departed.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop stood, waiting for the crowd to leave, not seeing the many +curious glances bent our way. Presently the minister was passing our +pew; he paused uncertainly, wishing to speak, I knew from the expression +of his face, but waiting for Mr. Winthrop first to make some sign of +recognition. I stood near enough to reach my hand; my act speedily +followed by Mrs. Flaxman; and then with rare grace and courtesy Mr. +Winthrop extended his hand, saying: "I have to thank you for your very +faithful sermon. I did not know the present generation of preachers dared +talk so plainly to their hearers."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps you do not go in the way of hearing them; the race of heroes is +not yet extinct. Not that I reckon myself a hero," he added, with an +amused smile at the slip of tongue.</p> + +<p>"The rack and flames are not necessary to prove one a hero or martyr. I +dare say many who do not choose to live for their religion would die for +it if it came in their way to do so."</p> + +<p>"Yourself among the number, I believe, Mr. Winthrop," the minister said, +with a penetrating look, that Mr. Winthrop returned in kind.</p> + +<p>"I would take it as a favor if you would dine with us some day soon, and +give me an evening of your society. We might have some topics in common +to discuss," Mr. Winthrop said, to the surprise of each of us, Mr. +Lathrop included. "Possibly you do not make such engagements on the +Sabbath. Pardon me, I had forgotten you were a conscientious man," he +said, after a short pause, seeing Mr. Lathrop hesitate.</p> + +<p>"It is not my usual custom, but nevertheless, I accept your invitation +with pleasure."</p> + +<p>Mr. Bowen was waiting to speak with his minister, it may be hoping to +exchange greeting with us as well. I whispered softly to Mr. Winthrop:</p> + +<p>"Would you like to speak to Mr. Bowen?"</p> + +<p>"If it is your desire, I will do so."</p> + +<p>"I would like you to speak with him very much."</p> + +<p>I made my way quickly to Mr. Bowen's side. He was standing a little way +down the aisle from us. The grasp of his hand and glance of his eye were +like a benediction.</p> + +<p>"I was glad to see you here," he said, in his quiet way, which meant more +than extravagant protestations from others. "There was bread for you, I +think."</p> + +<p>"Yes, and wine; better far than human lips ever quaffed."</p> + +<p>"The new wine of our Father's Kingdom," he said, softly, with such a glad +light in his eyes reminding me of some spiritual illumination the flesh +could not wholly conceal.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop soon joined us, and never did I feel more grateful to my +guardian than when I watched his gracious bearing towards my friend. If +he had been some noted literary gentleman, he could not have been more +genial and polite.</p> + +<p>"My ward has talked so much about you that, out of pure curiosity, I came +to see and hear you to-night," he said, as they walked side by side +towards the door. A faint flush passed over Mr. Bowen's face, but he made +no reply. I was much better pleased than if he had exclaimed against his +own poor abilities, as some would have done, or rhapsodized over his +indebtedness to me. I knew from the expression of Mr. Winthrop's face +that he was pleased with him, and on our way home, he said: "You are like +a magnet, Medoline. You draw the best types of humanity to you as the +lodestone does the steel."</p> + +<p>"You like Mr. Bowen, then?"</p> + +<p>"I do not know him well enough yet for that; but he has genius. Da Vinci +would have taken him for a model for the beloved disciple if he had lived +in his day. I never saw a more spiritual face in any human being."</p> + +<p>"He is like the disciple whom Jesus loved in one thing—he loves the +Christ best of all."</p> + +<p>"Was not that a wonderful meeting, Mr. Winthrop?" Mrs. Flaxman asked, +after we had seated ourselves cosily by the bright fire in the +drawing-room.</p> + +<p>"I do not profess to be a judge in such matters."</p> + +<p>"I think a heathen would have felt some before unknown spiritual +influence there to-night, if he had understood our language," I +exclaimed.</p> + +<p>"Heathen and Christian alike are not so susceptible to spiritual +influences as you, Medoline; so in harmony with the unseen and unknowable +as you are getting to be."</p> + +<p>"Religion cannot be classed with the unknowable. God only leaves us in +uncertainty when we wilfully close our eyes to his teachings."</p> + +<p>"You place no restrictions, then, on the benevolence of your Creator."</p> + +<p>"I shall not make myself a different and narrower creed than the Bible +provides."</p> + +<p>"Men read the Bible and formulate creeds as opposite as the poles. The +pendulum of their belief takes in not merely an arc, but the entire +circle."</p> + +<p>"I think they are wisest who leave creeds; I mean the non-essentials, to +those who try to penetrate mysteries which, maybe, even the angels look +upon as too sacred for them to explore, and just take what is necessary +to make us Christ-like."</p> + +<p>"My dear child, that is taking at a single bound faith's highest peak."</p> + +<p>"I suppose the way-faring man, of whom the Bible speaks, does that. God +may have different patents of nobility from us. I do not mean in the +mere matter of birth, but of what, even to our dim vision, is vastly +higher—the intellectual dower."</p> + +<p>"Medoline tries very hard to assure herself that her Mill Road favorites +are royalties in exile," Mr. Winthrop said, with a smile, turning to Mrs. +Flaxman.</p> + +<p>"I cannot say if she goes quite that far, but she certainly thinks that +she has found among them some diamonds of the first water, though she +cannot but acknowledge they lack the polishing touches to bring out more +effectually their sparkle and brilliancy."</p> + +<p>"I do not know if the best among them have suffered anything from the +lack of the human lapidary's skill. He often, at the best, is a mere +bungler, and while he makes sure to bring out the brilliancy, laps off +other finer qualities the lack of which no spark or brilliancy can +compensate," I replied, by no means convinced, and thinking all the time +of Mrs. Le Grande who had certainly received plenty of polishing touches, +but sadly lacked higher mental and moral qualities.</p> + +<p>"A woman convinced against her will is of the same opinion still," Mr. +Winthrop quoted, although addressing no one in particular.</p> + +<p>"The author's real words are, 'A man convinced against his will,'" I +retorted.</p> + +<p>"In this case it is a woman, and a very determined, insistent little +woman she is too," he replied.</p> + +<p>I rose, and standing before my guardian, said, "I am not such a little +woman, Mr. Winthrop, as you would make me believe. Actually I can look +over Mrs. Flaxman's head."</p> + +<p>"A perfect giantess, especially in defending the character of the poor +and bereaved."</p> + +<p>"If you had studied poor, hard-working people more, and books less, +you would have found some of the rarest specimens of patience, and +self-forgetfulness and fortitude, and oh, so many other beautiful +characteristics, that you would long to strip off your proud ancestry +and wealth, and become like them. They find it so much easier to be +Christians—they are not bewildered by the pride of life and vanities +that pall while they allure, and the perplexity of riches, and other ills +the higher born are heir to."</p> + +<p>"I sincerely hope you will not begin a new crusade, Medoline."</p> + +<p>"Why, Mr. Winthrop, what do you mean?" I asked, surprised at the sudden +turn of the conversation.</p> + +<p>"What do I mean? You have begun it already. I only stipulate that you +carry this crusade no farther."</p> + +<p>"But I do not understand you. How then can I promise to obey your will?"</p> + +<p>"The fashion is rapidly gaining ground for women to have some pet scheme +of reform. A few of them have such ambition for publicity they take their +pet scheme, and the platform, and go trailing over the land like comets. +Now I do not wish you to join this motley crowd, though your heart does +burn over the unacknowledged perfections of the poor."</p> + +<p>"Surely, Mr. Winthrop, you do not insinuate there is the remotest +possibility of such a thing, that I will go to lecturing," I said, with +rising color.</p> + +<p>"Have you not already begun the work? But I shall be very glad to have +your promise that you will not seek a larger audience to listen to you +than your present one."</p> + +<p>"Are you in earnest?"</p> + +<p>"I am certainly in earnest when I assure you it is my desire that you +will not take up lecturing, or develop into a woman with a career."</p> + +<p>I looked at him closely, and turning away, said, "Some day I hope to get +wise enough to know when you are in earnest and when you are merely +bantering me."</p> + +<p>"I think your faculties in that respect are rapidly developing. You +discovered before I did that it was merely badinage on Mr. Winthrop's +part," Mrs. Flaxman said, genially.</p> + +<p>"But, Mr. Winthrop," I said, turning to him once more, "is it right for +you to judge those women so harshly who seize any honest way to get a +hearing? I believe the majority of them are as much in earnest about +their work as you are in any of your most cherished undertakings. Women +more than men have an instinct to sacrifice themselves on the first +genuine altar they meet with. One human being, especially, if he is apt +to be cynical, can scarcely judge another justly."</p> + +<p>"Are you not a little severe on me? but possibly you are correct," he +said, with perfect good humor.</p> + +<p>"I hope you will forgive me that unkind remark," I pleaded. "I am afraid, +after all, it is no use for me to try to be good thoroughly and wholly. I +can only be so in places."</p> + +<p>"You must not despair yet. Much worse persons than you have developed +into saints ultimately, if we can trust the calendar."</p> + +<p>I smiled, although discomfited. "I wish you would try to be good with me. +I am sure I would find it easier."</p> + +<p>"Goodness too easily acquired is not apt to be of a very high quality. +Better fight your own battles and gain your victories all by yourself," +he said, with a smile as he left us for his study. My head was aching so +severely that I concluded to try the effect of rest and sleep, to bring +back my usual freedom from pain.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVI" id="CHAPTER_XXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXVI.</h2> + +<h3>FROM THE DEPTHS.</h3> + + +<p>The next day was a wild, drifting storm. My first waking thought in the +early morning was the unpleasant one that my promised visit to Mrs. Le +Grande must be made during the day. When I raised my head from the pillow +the pain was even more severe than on the previous evening, and a dizzy +faintness seized me when I tried to rise. I was so unaccustomed to +sickness I had not learned the happy art of accepting patiently its +behests; so, after a few more efforts, I succeeded in dressing myself. I +went to the window and, on looking out, was greatly relieved to see huge +drifts piled between us and the outside world, which promised at least +one day's blockade unless Thomas and Samuel worked much harder than their +wont.</p> + +<p>I put in an appearance at the breakfast table, although the sight of food +was exceedingly repugnant, and made a pretence to eat what was placed +before me. Mr. Winthrop very cheerfully announced that I was certainly +a prisoner for that day—an announcement I received with perfect +indifference—the mere thought of facing the outside world as I then felt +made me shudder. Probably he was surprised that I took with such extreme +calmness my temporary imprisonment; for he asked if I enjoyed being +snow-bound.</p> + +<p>"I do, to-day," I answered unthinkingly.</p> + +<p>"You must have some special reason for such a state of mind."</p> + +<p>I did not attempt to reply, and was glad to find that his suspicions were +not aroused. After we arose from the table he stood chatting with us by +the fire for some time, while Mrs. Flaxman with a little help on my part +washed the china and silver, interjecting a word now and then with deep +content. I could see these genial moods of my guardian gave her unbounded +satisfaction; sometimes when I looked in her gentle, patient face and +remembered how few real joys she had in her daily life, I used to get +positively angry with him, because, as a rule, he was so chary with his +smiles and gracious words. As he was leaving the room he turned to me and +said:—"I would like you to come to the library after you get those +important partnership duties completed."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean our dish-washing?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes, certainly. You seem to enjoy menial work very much."</p> + +<p>"It is woman's work, Mr. Winthrop, just as much as painting pictures or +studying German metaphysics is,—a much more important work for me, if +I marry a poor man and become my own maid of all work."</p> + +<p>"Ah, indeed! you think, then, of becoming one of them. I mean one of your +own favorite class. I presume you have not yet selected the happy pauper +whose poverty you intend to share."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, I have not given the question of a husband, or settlement in +life any serious thought as yet. I was only supposing a case. One never +knows what may happen, and even royalties now and then are reduced to +genteel beggary."</p> + +<p>"You are merely getting accustomed to the life, taking time by the +forelock, we might say," he said with an amused look. "Well, since you +are not altogether committed to that way of living, and in case your +dreams are not realized, we will continue the German metaphysics a little +longer. I got in a fresh supply of books on Saturday. I would like you to +come and look them over with me. You may see something you would like to +take up."</p> + +<p>I thanked him and promised to join him shortly.</p> + +<p>When we were alone Mrs. Flaxman said, with a reflective air, as she stood +polishing the cream jug; "I never expected to see Mr. Winthrop so nice to +a woman as he is to you."</p> + +<p>"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, do you call him nice?" I asked in amazement.</p> + +<p>"Yes, dear, beautifully so. He puts on a brusque outside, but it is as +much to conceal his liking for you as anything, and then he does more for +you than he would for any one else in the world. Now, if I had tried for +a lifetime, I could not have got him out to Beech Street Church and I +doubt if there is any one besides yourself could have done it. Some men, +unknown to themselves, have strong paternal instincts; and it only +requires the right touch to waken these instincts."</p> + +<p>"But he is too young to be my father; and any way he said he was not +anxious for me to regard him in that way," I remonstrated.</p> + +<p>"He is old in heart if not in years, my child. His has been an intense +and also bitter life,—the last few years at least."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I know," I said unthinkingly; "but a man like Mr. Winthrop is +foolish to let a woman like Mrs. Le Grande embitter his life."</p> + +<p>"Medoline, where did you hear of Mrs. Le Grande?" she asked sharply.</p> + +<p>My face crimsoned guiltily, but I remained silent.</p> + +<p>"Was it Mrs. Blake, or any of the Mill Road people told you?"</p> + +<p>"No, indeed. I have told you before they never gossip about him."</p> + +<p>"Was it any of our own friends, the Carters, or Flemings? I know they are +vulgarly inclined, for all they are in good society."</p> + +<p>"It was none of these, nor any one you have seen for a good many years, +that told me what I know."</p> + +<p>"You must tell me, Medoline, who told you. It is the first time I have +tried to force your confidence."</p> + +<p>"But I have promised not to tell you."</p> + +<p>"Had you met Mrs. Le Grande before you were with her yesterday when she +fainted in church?"</p> + +<p>My answer was a sob.</p> + +<p>"Where had you met her, Medoline?"</p> + +<p>"You will tell Mr. Winthrop, and he will never forgive me."</p> + +<p>"Then you have really been with her?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, she sent me a letter requesting me to visit her."</p> + +<p>"And you went. When was this?"</p> + +<p>"A week ago. But I did not dream she was a rich woman or had ever known +Mr. Winthrop. I thought it was some one poor and in distress. I did not +know it was a person suffering from heartbreak."</p> + +<p>"Heart-break!" she exclaimed, with such a flash of scorn, that the +surprise her words created effectually dried my tears.</p> + +<p>"She has no heart to get broken, except the organ that propels her +blood—even a cat has the same."</p> + +<p>"She is very beautiful, and is also extremely anxious to make reparation +to Mr. Winthrop for the wrong she has done him."</p> + +<p>"She is as heartless and selfish as she is beautiful; and if she were to +be allowed the privilege of making reparation, the second offence would +be worse than the original one. But we will not mention her name again. +Leave her alone as she deserves."</p> + +<p>"She compelled me to give my promise to go and see her again. She looks +for me to-day."</p> + +<p>"Medoline, have you no sense of propriety? Mr. Winthrop's ward visiting, +unknown to him, the woman who wrought him such grievous wrong? Can you +expect him to forgive such an act, especially when he was getting to have +such confidence in your honesty and purity?"</p> + +<p>"You will tell Mr. Winthrop?"</p> + +<p>"I must obey him. It was his hope you would never hear the disgraceful +story. His special command if you did that I must tell him directly. I +promised to do so and I must fulfill that promise, but at a cost, +Medoline, that I dare not think of."</p> + +<p>"Will you go directly then? Maybe this is my last day at Oaklands. I +shall not stay here to suffer his contempt and displeasure." I said +wearily, my bodily misery dulling to some extent the mental pain; for I +was growing sick rapidly. With difficulty I gained the shelter of my own +room, my one haven of refuge in the wide world. Crouching by the window I +watched the mad, hurrying storm outside, and wondering vaguely if nature +suffered in this elemental warfare as we did in our tempests of the soul +when the very foundations of hope and happiness were getting swept from +our feet. In imagination I re-lived my past months at Oaklands, my +intercourse with Mr. Winthrop, his gradually increasing esteem, the +friendship, nay rather the comradeship that was being cemented between us +over literature and art, the help he was giving me in these, and the rare +life that imagination was beginning to picture that we might enjoy +through coming years together.</p> + +<p>I realized then, as never before, how happy I had been in my new home; +and with a clearness that gave me pain came the consciousness how much my +guardian had become to me. After to-day I might never again call Oaklands +my home. If I had gone at once and confessed to Mr. Winthrop on my return +that day from Linden Lane that I had met Mrs. Le Grande he could not have +been reasonably angry with me; but I had concealed from him the fact, and +had also promised her another interview, and now with vision grown +suddenly clear I could realize how he would receive my unwilling +confession, after a whole week's silence. With aching head and heart +I wondered at the cruelty of circumstance that forced the innocent to +suffer with the guilty.</p> + +<p>With my intense nature, so susceptible either to pleasure or pain, those +lonely hours in my own room, that bitter day, left their trace on heart +and body for long weary weeks. When at last Mrs. Flaxman came to me, her +own face sad and troubled, I no longer felt the cold in my fireless room; +for the blood now was rushing feverishly in my veins, and my head +throbbing with intense pain. I listened to what she had to say in a +dazed, half-conscious way. I heard her say something about Mr. Winthrop's +displeasure, but I was too sick to care very much for anything, just +then. I startled her at last by saying:—"I do not understand what you +are saying. Please wait and tell me some other time."</p> + +<p>"Sure, you have not been sitting all this time here in the cold. You +should have gone where it was warm, or rung for Esmerelda to kindle your +fire."</p> + +<p>I rose and tried to walk across the room; but staggered and would have +fallen only that she supported me.</p> + +<p>"Are you sick, Medoline?" She asked, in great alarm.</p> + +<p>"My head aches and I am very hot," I said uncertainly. I was unused to +sickness and scarcely knew how much pain was necessary before I could +truthfully say I was ill. I remember thinking the matter over with great +seriousness, and wishing Mrs. Blake, with her superior knowledge of +bodily ailments, was there to decide, until at last I got tired and tried +to forget all about it. Then everything began to grow uncertain. I knew +that I was lying in bed and the fire burning brightly in the grate, while +persons were passing to and fro; but they did not look familiar. I kept +wishing so much that Mrs. Blake would come with her strong, cheery +presence to comfort me, and if she would give me a drink of pure cold +water from one of her own clean glasses I should be content to turn my +face to the wall and sleep. But after a time my one despairing thought +was Mr. Winthrop's displeasure, while hour after hour, and day after day, +I tried to tell him that I did not mean to deceive him, and wanted to be +just to every one alike, but he was never convinced and used to come and +go with the same stern, hard look on his face that nearly broke my heart. +When just at the point of utter despair, when I thought all had turned +against me, Mr. Bowen or Mrs. Blake used to step up and tell me they +understood it all and believed in me, then for awhile I would shut my +eyes and rest, only to open them again to plead once more for +forgiveness; but to plead vainly. Then I would be on the point of leaving +Oaklands forever, and bidding good-bye to every one in the household save +Mr. Winthrop. He always turned away sternly and refused me his hand. I +was not conscious when it was day or night. It was all one perpetual +twilight. I would ask if the sun would never rise again, or the moon come +back with her soft shining; but no one heeded my questions. I resolved +to be so patient after this in answering people's questions when their +heads were full of pain, since I knew how sad it was to go on day after +day with these puzzling, wearying questions haunting one. Then there came +a long, quiet time of utter forgetfulness when I passed down into the +very valley of the shadow that Death casts over the nearly disembodied +spirit, and here I had rest.</p> + +<p>When at last I opened my eyes to see the old, accustomed place and faces, +I was like a little child.</p> + +<p>I lay quiet for some time wondering if it were possible for me to lift my +hand. It was night, for the lamp was burning, and some one was sitting +just within the shadow the lamp shade cast. I hoped it was Mrs. Blake, +and lay wondering how I could find out. I tried to lift my head, but +found the effort so wearying I went back into brief unconsciousness. +Presently my eyes opened again; but this time there was a face bending +over my bed, so that I had no need to muster my feeble forces to attract +their attention. I smiled up weakly into the face that in the dim light +I failed to recognize.</p> + +<p>"Do you know me, dearie?" I was sure it was Mrs. Blake's voice sounding +strong and real.</p> + +<p>"Is it Mrs. Blake?" I asked uncertainly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, dearie, it jest is." Then I shut my eyes, so tired I could not even +think; but I heard a rustling sound, and a voice, that sounded a long way +off, murmur, "Thank God!" The voice sounded familiar, but I could not +recall whose it was. I tried to do so, but the effort wearied me. A spoon +was put to my lips, the milk that was given to me brought back the long +ago times—so long ago, I wondered if now I was an old woman; but after +brief reflection I knew this could not be, since Mrs. Blake was still +alive, and not much older in appearance than when I saw her last. To make +sure of the matter I determined to look at her again, and opened my eyes +to settle my perplexity; but this time the face looking down at me was +not Mrs. Blake's. I tried to raise my head on the pillow the better to +see who it was, when the person stooped near to me and said: "You are +coming back to us, Medoline." I wondered who was calling me by that name. +No one save Mr. Winthrop and Mrs. Flaxman were in the habit now of doing +so; but my strength was so rapidly waning I could neither see nor hear +very distinctly. After a few seconds, once more rallying all my forces, +I looked up again.</p> + +<p>"Who is it?" I whispered.</p> + +<p>"Do you not know me, Medoline?"</p> + +<p>"Is it,"—I paused, trembling so with excitement I could scarce +articulate,—"is it Mr. Winthrop?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, little one."</p> + +<p>The old caressing name he had given me long ago, surely he must have +forgiven me or he would not use it now. But I was not satisfied without +the assurance that we were to take up again the kindly relations of the +past; and so with an effort that seemed likely to sweep me back +dangerously near that shore I had so lately been skirting, I looked up +and said: "I am sorry I displeased you; won't you forgive me?" My voice +was so weak I was afraid he could not catch the words I uttered; but he +folded my thin, shadowy hand in his, which seemed so strong and muscular +I fancied it could hold me back from the gates of Death if its owner so +willed, and after a few seconds' silence, he said, gently: "You must +never think of that again, Medoline. Just rest, and come back to us. +We all want you more than we can tell."</p> + +<p>"Then I am forgiven, and you will trust me once more," I pleaded softly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Medoline, as I expect to be trusted by you," he said, with a +solemnity that made me tremble. My eyes closed in utter weariness and +then I seemed to be floating, floating over summer seas, and under such +peaceful, blessed skies, I began to wonder if I was not passing out to +the quiet coast bordering on the Heavenly places.</p> + +<p>Of one thing only was I certain—the hand that still held mine, which +kept me from drifting quite away from the shores of time. I tried to +cling to it, but my hand could only lie nerveless within its firm grasp. +I believed if once the hold was loosened I should slip quietly out into +the broader sea just beyond me. I wondered which was best—life or +death,—then far down in my soul I seemed to grow strong, and could +calmly say, "as God wills;" and for a long time I seemed to be passively +awaiting His will. It was very strange, the thoughts I had, lying there +so far within the border land; as if the faculties of mind and soul had +nearly slipped the fleshly leash, and independently of their environment, +boldly held counsel, and speculated on the possibilities of their +immediate future.</p> + +<p>But gradually the wheels of life began to turn more strongly. When next +I opened my eyes the daylight was softly penetrating the closely drawn +curtains. Mrs. Flaxman was standing near, looking worn and pale; but Mrs. +Blake was also there, and loomed up before me, strong as ever—a look +into her kindly face was like a tonic. When she saw me watching her she +turned around, and very softly whispered to Mrs. Flaxman, who, casting a +startled, anxious glance towards me, went silently from the room.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blake, without speaking, gave me some nourishment. After I had taken +it I began to feel more like a living creature.</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Blake," I whispered. She stooped down to listen. "Tell me, please, +how long I have lain here."</p> + +<p>"A good long bit, but the doctor says we mustn't talk to you, or let you +talk."</p> + +<p>"I am so tired thinking; won't you sing to me?"</p> + +<p>"My voice ain't no great shakes; but I'll do the very best I can for you, +dearie."</p> + +<p>She went to the other side of the room, and seating herself in a +comfortable easy-chair began in a low, crooning voice to sing one of +Doctor Watts' cradle melodies.</p> + +<p>Probably she had learned it in childhood from her own mother, and in turn +sung it again to the infant Daniel. It soothed me better than Beethoven +or Wagner's grandest compositions could have done. I lay with closed +eyes, seeing in imagination the great army of mothers who had lulled +their babies to sleep with those same words, and the angels hovering near +with folded wings guarding the sleeping nestlings.</p> + +<p>The voice grew indistinct, and presently sleep, more deep and refreshing +than I had known for weeks, enfolded me. The doctor entered the room at +last to put a stop to the music, and found Mrs. Blake tired and +perspiring, but singing steadily on. Without missing a note she pointed +to the bed and the peaceful sleeper. He smiled grimly and withdrew; no +doubt realizing there were other soporifics applied by nature than those +weighed and measured by the apothecary.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVII" id="CHAPTER_XXVII"></a>CHAPTER XXVII.</h2> + +<h3>CONVALESCENCE.</h3> + + +<p>When the curtains were withdrawn from my windows, and I was strong enough +to look once more on the outer world, I found the late April sun was +bringing back life and beauty to the trees and shrubbery around Oaklands. +Thomas and Samuel were well on with their gardening, and already a few +brave blossoms were smiling up at us from mother earth. I felt like one +who had been visiting dim, mysterious shores, and had got safely back +from those outlying regions. I used to lie in those quiet hours of +convalescence, trying to decide what was real and what fanciful in the +experiences of the last few weeks. When Mrs. Flaxman considered me strong +enough to listen to consecutive conversation she gave me the particulars +of my sudden attack of illness and the incidents connected therewith.</p> + +<p>I was one of the first stricken with a virulent type of typhoid fever +which, in very many cases, had proved fatal.</p> + +<p>A want of sanitary precaution in Cavendish had caused the outbreak which +caused, in loss of life, and incidental expenses, far more than the most +approved drainage would do in a generation. I was amazed when the names +of my fellow sufferers were mentioned; among them Mrs. Le Grande, whose +recovery was still considered by the doctors exceedingly uncertain.</p> + +<p>Mr. Winthrop, she informed me, had not sufficient confidence in the local +doctors to trust me entirely to their care, and at the height of the +fever had sent for one from New York. "But for that," she continued, "I +believe you would be in your grave to-day."</p> + +<p>"I did not think Mr. Winthrop would care very much. He is so angry with +me."</p> + +<p>"He very soon got over his anger when he found how sick you were. At +first he was nearly beside himself; for he thought it was the message I +had taken to you from him that day that caused your illness. He would +come to your bedside, and listen to your appeals for forgiveness with +such an expression of pain on his face. Sometimes he would take your +hands in his, assuring you of his forgiveness; but you never understood +him. I was afraid you would die without ever knowing."</p> + +<p>"But I would have known all about it, once my spirit had got freed from +the body; I cannot describe what glimpses I have had of other worlds +than ours. It seemed so restful there; so much better than we have words +to describe."</p> + +<p>"We are so glad you did not leave us for that place, even though it is so +beautiful."</p> + +<p>"When this life is done, and its work all finished, I may slip away +there. I think my soul saw its home and can never again be so fully +content with earth."</p> + +<p>"Try not to think about it, Medoline, any more."</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"When a person's spirits begin to get homesick for a higher existence, +usually they soon drift quietly away where they long to be."</p> + +<p>Another day she told me how much Mrs. Blake had done for me, nursing me +with a skill and patience that drew high praise from the dignified city +physician accustomed to skilled nurses. Mr. Winthrop used to come and go, +watching her closely, and one day he said:—</p> + +<p>"No matter what happens, Mrs. Blake's future will be attended to."</p> + +<p>Then I asked the question that had been troubling me ever since I had +been getting better.</p> + +<p>"Why do I never see or hear anything from Mr. Winthrop? you say he has +forgiven me; but he has not so much as sent me a message, or flower +since I came to myself."</p> + +<p>"Why, Medoline, did you not know?"</p> + +<p>"Know what?" I asked, interrupting her, "has he gone away with Mrs. Le +Grande?" I had forgotten for the moment that Mrs. Le Grande was even +weaker than myself.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, indeed; marriage has been one of her least anxieties of late. +Mr. Winthrop is in London before this: I am looking for letters now every +day."</p> + +<p>"Has he gone to Europe?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; I thought of course you knew; he left the very day the doctor +pronounced you out of danger."</p> + +<p>"Did you know he thought of going?"</p> + +<p>"No, we were greatly surprised; I cannot think why he left so abruptly."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps he was afraid of Mrs. Le Grande. He knows how fascinating she +can be when she chooses."</p> + +<p>"I do not think she had anything to do with it. She was perfectly +harmless when he left, in the delirium of fever, with two physicians in +attendance."</p> + +<p>I was not convinced by Mrs. Flaxman's words, but said no more on the +subject.</p> + +<p>My strength rapidly returned once I had got in the open air. Thomas +always found it perfectly convenient now to take me for a drive, even at +most unseasonable hours. His gardening was pressing heavily upon him, and +no doubt it was hard for him to trust the care of flower and vegetable +beds to other hands; but of the two he preferred to trust them rather +than me, to strangers.</p> + +<p>We took long drives over hill and valley—for the most part taking the +road that skirted the seashore. Silently I would watch the white sails +disappearing beyond the eastern horizon, wishing that I could follow them +to my guardian's side. I missed the delightful hours I used to spend in +his study listening to his conversation, so different from that of any +human being I ever knew. He lived so far above the range of little minds, +the trivialities of everyday life, social gossip, and the like, seemed +to shrink from his presence. One always felt the touch of noble thoughts, +and the longing for high endeavor where he was. I lived over again in +these long, quiet drives, with the silent Thomas, those last few months, +when, with my innocent child's heart, I sunned myself in his presence, +unconscious of the rare charm and fascination that drew me to him.</p> + +<p>But as I grew stronger I turned from the past and its memories, +bitter-sweet, and set myself resolutely to the duty of living my life +well, independently of its secret unrest and pain. I knew that many +before me, multitudes after me, would be called to endure a like +discipline, and the world, no doubt, is the richer in what it holds as +imperishable because of the compensation suffering brings; for if we take +with a docile mind the discipline God gives, there will always be +compensation. One day, when I had come back strengthened from a long +drive along the seashore, a very pleasant surprise awaited me. Mrs. +Flaxman had received letters from Mr. Winthrop which, to my surprise, she +did not share with me. But she handed me a check for two hundred dollars, +which I was to distribute among my poor friends. That money I believe +helped to change the destinies of several lives: for I tried to lay it +out in a way that would help some to improve their chances to make life +a success.</p> + +<p>June, with its flowers and perfumes, came at last; and in the early +morning, when I used to ramble through the stretches of flowers and +shrubbery, and under the trees, tremulous with bird song, I wondered how +the owner of all this beauty could willingly banish himself from it. +Thomas permitted me to gather flowers at will—a favor I used to the +utmost, among others sending Mrs. Le Grande a daily remembrance from +Oaklands, in the shape of a bouquet of the choicest blossoms.</p> + +<p>At last I resolved to follow the flowers myself, though at the risk of +the second time incurring Mr. Winthrop's displeasure; but if she were +soon to die, as her attendants seemed to expect, surely here was +missionary work right at my door. I found the cottage a perfect bower of +roses. The garden in front was a wilderness of the choicest varieties I +had ever seen, and in the windows nothing could be seen but green leaves +and blossoms of every varying tint. It seemed hard to believe that the +rarest rose of all was lying there, fading slowly away amid all this +fragrance and beauty. I rang the bell, which was answered by the same +little maid who had received me before. I asked for Mrs. Le Grande.</p> + +<p>"She's no better, ma'am, and Missus thinks she'll never be; but, my! we +dassent tell her; she's that 'fraid of death."</p> + +<p>"Does she see strangers?"</p> + +<p>"There's not many comes to see her, but I'll tell her you're here. Just +step in here, please, and sit down for a minute."</p> + +<p>She opened a door near by; but I thanked her and said I would wait in the +garden among the roses for her answer.</p> + +<p>She soon came for me with a smiling face, saying Mrs. Le Grande would be +glad to see me, and then led the way to her room.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Le Grande was reclining in an invalid's chair, propped up with +pillows, a rich satin quilt thrown over her feet, and robed in a pink +silk wrapper that matched perfectly her exquisite complexion and the +roses fastened in her hair. She received me with a gaiety that, under the +circumstances, astonished me, saying: "Why, how well you look! Your +attack of fever could not have been so severe as mine."</p> + +<p>"I was very ill indeed, I cannot imagine how one could be worse and +live," I said, gravely.</p> + +<p>"But I shall not be so strong as you for some weeks. It has left me with +a troublesome cough, I shall be well when that leaves me."</p> + +<p>I felt constrained; uncertain what to say. Since her recovery was +doubtful I shrank from encouraging her in a false hope, and I could not +tell her that we all thought she must soon die. She soon noticed my +constraint, and began to rally me.</p> + +<p>"Is it on account of Mr. Winthrop's absence you are looking so +sorrowful?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"I was not thinking of him, but of you alone."</p> + +<p>"That is kind, but I am not flattered. I did not think I was such a +gloomy object for reflection."</p> + +<p>"I was only sorry to see you looking so frail, and wishing I could help +you," I said, gently.</p> + +<p>"If you only could, I would very soon discharge those useless doctors; +they are all alike, I believe; for I have tried each one of them in turn, +and they none of them have done much for me."</p> + +<p>"I do not think there is so much difference in doctors as people imagine, +if they but learn the nature of the disease, they all know the proper +remedies to use."</p> + +<p>"That is poor consolation for me, I know if I had a good physician I +would be well in a few days; but the trouble with those who have attended +me is, they do not understand my case and do not administer the proper +remedies."</p> + +<p>"Nature is an excellent healer herself. If wisely assisted, she soon +works the miracle of healing, unless,—" I hesitated.</p> + +<p>"Unless what?" she asked sharply.</p> + +<p>"God has willed otherwise."</p> + +<p>"I cannot listen to such words, I am not going to die until I am old. Oh, +why must we grow old and die at last? it was a cruel way to create us."</p> + +<p>"The other world seemed so beautiful to me when I was so sick, I scarcely +wanted to come back to this."</p> + +<p>"Well, it seems just the reverse to me, I lie awake at night and shudder +when I think of death and the grave. It makes me shudder now in the +sunshine, and with you smiling down so kindly at me. Please to never +mention such things to me again."</p> + +<p>I felt grieved; for then my task in coming here would be a vain one. +Day by day as I came to see her, the hectic flush in her cheek kept +deepening, and the eyes grew brighter and more sorrowful, while she grew +gradually weaker.</p> + +<p>Very soon the pretty parlor was vacated, while her bed was the only +comfortable resting-place. She was anxious to have me come, and the nurse +said she counted the hours between my departure and return. Her eagerness +to have me read to her puzzled me at first, especially since she was +indifferent as to what I read, but after a while I found that she prized +my reading merely because it acted as a sedative. During the night sleep +usually forsook her; but when I left she was generally sleeping +peacefully. She permitted me to read the Bible as much as I chose. One +day she explained the reason for her indifference in the matter:—</p> + +<p>"I do not wish to get interested in anything you read, for then I would +keep awake to listen; but the sleep you bring me is better than all my +medicine, I set nurse reading to me one day; but her voice was +uncultivated, and her emphasis intolerable I should soon be well if you +would read to me all the time."</p> + +<p>"I never heard of any one getting raised from a sick-bed by so simple a +remedy."</p> + +<p>"You do not try to encourage me," she said, fretfully.</p> + +<p>I read on to her day after day until my voice grew husky, and the mere +act of speaking often wearied me.</p> + +<p>We all saw the end was rapidly approaching, but no one had the courage to +tell her. She got so angry with me one day when I suggested bringing Mr. +Lathrop to visit her, that I slipped quietly away to escape the storm I +had raised. I used to go and return with a sense of defeat that paralyzed +all hopeful enthusiasm, and fearing that Mr. Winthrop's displeasure had +probably been a second time incurred, without any corresponding gain to +debit the loss.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXVIII" id="CHAPTER_XXVIII"></a>CHAPTER XXVIII.</h2> + +<h3>THE SOUND OF MARRIAGE BELLS.</h3> + + +<p>I came home one day more dispirited than usual. I had found Mrs. Le +Grande weaker than ever, and yet she was clinging tenaciously to life, +and had that morning dictated an order to her dress-maker in New York for +a most elaborate costume. When I tried to urge her to think of something +more enduring than the raiment whose fashion and beauty soon changes, she +forbade me mentioning such a thing again in her presence, nor would she +listen to the Scripture reading on which I always insisted as the one +condition on which I would read to her at all. I knew my own words were +powerless to break the crust of worldliness and selfishness that bound +her heart, but I hoped God's word might pierce it. Hubert had returned +from college a few days before, and just as I entered the oak avenue from +the little footpath through the wood, I met him cantering along on Faery.</p> + +<p>"A stranger has just arrived whom you will be surprised to see," he +called to me.</p> + +<p>"Any one I know?" I asked carelessly.</p> + +<p>"I should say it was; and one whom you will be glad to see, if I am not +mistaken."</p> + +<p>"Won't you tell me who it is and so prolong my pleasure, for I am not +going direct to the house. I intend taking a stroll through the garden to +try and get some unhappy fancies brushed away by the blossoms."</p> + +<p>"Anticipation is said to exceed realization, so I will generously leave +you the former," he said, giving Faery the whip and cantering rapidly +away.</p> + +<p>I did not find the flowers such comforters as I hoped, and soon entered +the house, no doubt slightly impelled thereto by a natural curiosity as +well. I glanced into the drawing-room and parlors as I passed along the +hall and began to think Hubert was merely subjecting me to one of his +practical jokes, as I could see no sign of visitors anywhere, and I +concluded to go to the library and try for a while to forget myself and +heartaches in an hour's hard reading. I found the door ajar and when I +entered the room was surprised to find the curtains drawn, and the room +flooded with the June sunshine. I turned to the study-table to see who +might be taking such liberties in the master's absence when there, +standing with his back to me stood Mr. Winthrop himself. He turned +suddenly and saw me. "Ah, little one, have you come to speak to me?"</p> + +<p>"I did not know you were here; but I am very glad to speak to you—to +welcome you home," I said, giving him my hand.</p> + +<p>"You seem like one come back to me from the dead," he said, soberly, +still holding my hand.</p> + +<p>"I am not sure if it was not you who held me back from those shining +gates."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"When you held my hand through that long night, I thought but for your +firm grasp I should drift out of reach of life altogether."</p> + +<p>"I tried to pray that night, Medoline, as I had never done before; I +believe my prayers were answered."</p> + +<p>"Then you have found that the Bible is true?" I asked, looking up eagerly +into his face.</p> + +<p>"Yes, every day more clearly."</p> + +<p>"Then it was well worth all the weariness and pain I endured to have you +say this; but have you fully forgiven me, Mr. Winthrop, and may we take +up our friendship as before?"</p> + +<p>"Must we take it up as before, Medoline? I have found I cannot be +satisfied with your friendship only?"</p> + +<p>"I do not understand you."</p> + +<p>"You drove me away, and you have forced me to return—must I leave again? +I cannot remain near you any longer with our relation to each other +unchanged. I must have your love or nothing. Friendship between us, and +nothing more, is out of the question. Can you not learn to love me, +Medoline?"</p> + +<p>I turned and placed both my hands in his.</p> + +<p>"Does this mean love instead of fear? Remember you told me not long ago +you were afraid of me; answer me truly, little one; do hand and heart go +together?"</p> + +<p>"If you care to have them," I murmured softly, "but, have you forgotten +Mrs. Le Grande?"</p> + +<p>"Long ago I ceased to think of her, only as one may remember a brief +surrender to an ignoble passion. The mistake I made was in measuring +womanhood generally by her standard—you have taught me, my darling, that +angels have not yet ceased to visit our poor earth."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, you must not go to the other extreme or I shall soon +disappoint you."</p> + +<p>"You are all I could wish, Medoline. If it were possible I would not ask +any change in mind or body, my Eve—fresh from the hand of God."</p> + +<p>His words frightened me; for how could I ever fulfill his expectations? +He read my face.</p> + +<p>"Are you sure, Medoline, you love me as I want to be loved by my wife? +Have you gained your woman's heart with its full capacity for love or +suffering, or are you still only a child?"</p> + +<p>"I could die for you, Mr. Winthrop, if it were for your good; I do not +ask for anything better than to be near you always in time and eternity."</p> + +<p>"Since how long have you regarded me in this way, Medoline?"</p> + +<p>"You remember that long night holding my hand, when I was at the worst of +the fever? I saw everything clearly then. My spirit seemed to get away +from the body, or very nearly so, and looked on things as it had never +done before."</p> + +<p>"Did you wonder after that why I left you so abruptly?"</p> + +<p>"For a long time I thought you were still at Oaklands. Every day I used +to hope you might come, or send me a message."</p> + +<p>"You shall never be so left again till death separates us."</p> + +<p>"If you cared for me then, why did you leave me?" I asked timidly.</p> + +<p>"If I cared for you then, Medoline! Why don't you ask me when first I +began to love you?"</p> + +<p>"I did not think to ask."</p> + +<p>"Do you remember that day in the autumn when you had the Mill Road people +here?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"You came to me, if you remember, with the widow Larkum's baby in your +arms, a very timid, and beseeching look on your face at the same time."</p> + +<p>I nodded in reply.</p> + +<p>"My heart went out to you then and there, as it never did to any woman. +I had been fascinated and amused with your ways before that. How I have +waited and hoped since then to see you turn to me with the love-light in +your eyes! Fear lest I might lose my self-restraint and speak too soon, +drove me from you—fear lest some other man would win what I so +passionately craved has brought me back. Darling, you have made this +the happiest day of my life."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XXIX" id="CHAPTER_XXIX"></a>CHAPTER XXIX.</h2> + +<h3>THE END.</h3> + + +<p>I never saw Mrs. Le Grande again alive. The following morning I made my +confession to Mr. Winthrop, and got his consent to continue my visits +to the sick room, at Rose Cottage, until recovery or death should take +place. My one anxiety as I walked along the field and woodland that day, +was lest my face might reveal to her keen vision the gladness that +thrilled all my pulses. I did not wait to ring the bell but went directly +to her rooms. The parlor door was closed; when I opened it, at the +farther end of the room I was startled to see a white-robed form lying on +one of the sofas.</p> + +<p>I hesitated with sudden fear, but finally summoning all my resolution I +crossed the room and stood beside the clay-cold form of Mrs. Le Grande. +The nurse who was in the adjoining room came to my side and after a few +seconds' silence she said, gently:</p> + +<p>"I never felt so lonesome with any dying person as with her last night."</p> + +<p>"Did she know she was dying?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, we told her. It seemed dreadful to let her go before her Maker +without a prayer for mercy, but her thoughts, for all we told her, were +more about this world than the next. She made her will as soon as the +doctor came. We sent for him in haste, and then she told us what to put +on her when we prepared her for the coffin. That's the gown she was to +have been married in. She said: 'Mr. Winthrop shall see his bride in her +wedding dress, at last.'"</p> + +<p>I looked at the rich white satin, with its exquisite trimming of lace, +and the fresh gathered roses instead of orange blossoms.</p> + +<p>"Did she say nothing about where her soul was going?" I asked, yet +dreading a reply.</p> + +<p>"After he'd got the will drawn, the doctor asked her if her business for +another world was satisfactorily arranged; but she said the next world +would have to wait its turn after she'd got there; she had no strength +left to make any more preparations."</p> + +<p>I turned away, too sick at heart to listen longer, but the nurse followed +me with a message from the dying woman.</p> + +<p>"It was her special request that you and Mr. Winthrop should come to her +funeral, and afterward be present at the reading of the will. I am not at +liberty to explain, but I think you will regret it if you do not come. +She said that was to be the sign of reconciliation between her and Mr. +Winthrop."</p> + +<p>"I will deliver the message, and, if possible, prevail on him to come," +I promised, and then hastily left the house. When I reached home I went +directly to the library where I found Mr. Winthrop. He looked surprised +to see me back so soon, and then, noticing traces of tears on my face, +said:</p> + +<p>"What is wrong, little one?"</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Le Grande died sometime during the night. The nurse told me she +showed no anxiety respecting her future state."</p> + +<p>He was silent. At last I said: "You have forgiven her, Mr. Winthrop?"</p> + +<p>"Forgiven her! Yes, Medoline; and if she had lived, I could never have +repaid her for the lesson she taught me, and the favor she conferred on +me by going away so abruptly."</p> + +<p>"Then you will grant her last request that we should both attend her +funeral, and the reading of her will. I have an impression she has left +each of us some keepsake, as a token of her repentance."</p> + +<p>"Don't you think, little one, that would be a mercenary motive to take us +there?"</p> + +<p>"But I want you to grant her dying request," I murmured, already ashamed +of my argument.</p> + +<p>"We will both go, assuredly; and in the meantime I shall see that +preparations for her funeral are suitably arranged."</p> + +<p>"You will look upon her dead face; she left directions as to how she +should be robed for the grave. She said you should see your bride in her +wedding dress at last."</p> + +<p>"I expect, before many weeks, to see my own precious bride. I shall be +indifferent as to her dress. It will be herself I shall look at," he said +with a caress that for the time made me forget Mrs. Le Grande.</p> + +<p>We went to the funeral, to which went also a good part of the townsfolk; +for curiosity was on tip-toe. Thomas was greatly mystified when Mr. +Winthrop, leaving Mrs. Flaxman at Oaklands, bade him drive us back to +Linden Lane. Dr. Hill was there, and Mrs. Le Grande's lawyer from New +York, and Dr. Townshend, who had drawn her will, with the nurse and +landlady, who were her witnesses. Presently the lawyer put on his +spectacles, and broke the seal, and then in a hard, dry voice began to +read the will. I listened with languid interest until presently Mr. +Winthrop's name was mentioned. I looked at him with keen surprise. Could +it be possible Mrs. Le Grande had willed him the bulk of her fortune? His +face was pale, I could see no trace of a satisfaction one might naturally +expect on the face of another at such unexpected accession of wealth; +rather he looked grieved and shocked. Before I had time to recover myself +my own name was read off in the even, unimpassioned tones of the lawyer. +She left me her jewelry, pictures, and other valuables. It seemed like +one of the fairy tales of my childhood. There was something pathetic, +too, in the wording of her will: "I hope they will adorn a happier woman +than I have been," as if that, too, were a legacy she bequeathed me.</p> + +<p>The formality of reading the will ended, Mr. Winthrop asked for an +immediate and private interview with the lawyer. Afterward I learned it +was to see if some informality could not be discovered, rendering the +will illegal, but this was impossible. He took the money as a sacred +trust, expending the interest year by year on religious and benevolent +objects. Into many a heathen household has it already carried the blessed +light of the gospel—to many a burdened heart has it come to lighten the +load of poverty and care.</p> + +<p>The story of one memorable year of my life is told. It was the prelude to +many a happier year.</p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Medoline Selwyn's Work, by Mrs. J. J. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Medoline Selwyn's Work + +Author: Mrs. J. J. Colter + +Release Date: March 26, 2006 [EBook #18052] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEDOLINE SELWYN'S WORK *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by the Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions +(www.canadiana.org)) + + + + + + + + + + Medoline Selwyn's Work. + + BY MRS. J. J. COLTER. + + + BOSTON: + IRA BRADLEY & CO. + COPYRIGHT, 1889. + + + + + "The golden opportunity. + Is never offered twice: seize, then, the hour + When Fortune smiles and Duty points the way; + Nor shrink aside to 'scape the fear.-- + Nor pause though Pleasure beckon from her bower, + But bravely bear thee onward to the goal" + + + + +CHAPTER. + + I. Mrs. Blake + II. Oaklands + III. Esmerelda + IV. The Funeral + V. A New Accomplishment Learned + VI. Mr. Winthrop + VII. Examination + VIII. Mrs. Larkum + IX. An Evening Walk + X. A Helping Hand + XI. City Life + XII. New Acquaintances + XIII. Alone With His Dead + XIV. Humble Charities + XV. A Pleasant Surprise + XVI. Hope Realized + XVII. Christmas-tide + XVIII. The Christmas Tree + XIX. Three Important Letters + XX. Mrs. Le Grande + XXI. Mrs. Le Grande's Story + XXII. The Changed Heart + XXIII. The Encounter at St. Mark's + XXIV. Mrs. Le Grande's Stratagem + XXV. Beech Street Worshippers + XXVI. From The Depths + XXVII. Convalescence + XXVIII. The Sound of Marriage Bells + XXIX. The End + + + + +MEDOLINE SELWYN'S WORK. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +MRS. BLAKE. + + +The cars were not over-crowded, and were moving leisurely along in the +soft, midsummer twilight. At first, I had felt a trifle annoyed at my +carelessness in missing the Express by which I had been expected; but now +I quite enjoyed going in this mixed train, since I could the better +observe the country than in the swifter Express. As I drew near the end +of my journey, my pulses began to quicken with nervousness, not unmixed +with dread. + +Captain Green, under whose care I had been placed when I left my home for +the last eight years, had concluded, no doubt very wisely, that I could +travel the remaining few miles through quiet county places alone. This +last one hundred and fifty miles, however, had been the most trying part +of the whole journey. My English was a trifle halting; all our teachers +spoke German as their mother tongue at the school, and the last two years +I was the only English-born pupil. Captain Green was an old East Indian +officer, like my own dead father, and very readily undertook the care of +a troublesome chit of a girl across the ocean, in memory of the strong +friendship subsisting between himself and my father, now long since +passed to other service than that of Her Gracious Majesty. The Captain +was a very silent man, and therefore not calculated to help me to a +better acquaintance of any language, while he did not encourage me to +make friends with my traveling companions. The journey had been therefore +a very quiet one to me, but I had found it delightful. I had, like most +of our species, an innate love of the sea; and the long, still hours as I +sat alone gazing out over the restless waters, have left one of the +pleasantest of all the pictures hanging in memory's halls. + +As I did not wish to be taken, even by the chance traveling companions of +a few hours, for other than an English or American girl, I resolved to +speak fewest possible words to any one on the journey; and when the +conductor came for my ticket, I repressed the desire to ask him to tell +me when my own station would be reached, and merely shook my head at the +news agents who were more troublesome, if possible, than the dust and +smoke which poured in at doors and windows. Captain Green had telegraphed +my guardian the hour at which I would arrive, but I got so interested +watching the busy crowds on the streets from my hotel window that, for a +while, I forgot that I too needed a measure of their eager haste, if I +were soon to terminate this long journey over land and sea. I was +beginning to fear, at last, after the cars had been in motion some hours, +that I might have passed my station; so I concluded to have my question +carefully written down, and the next time the conductor came near me hand +it to him. I had not long to wait, and giving him the slip of paper, I +murmured "Please." + +He read, and then looking at me very intently said: + +"Are you a foreigner?" + +"Oh, no; English," I said, blushing furiously. + +"Why don't you speak then, when you want anything? That's what we're here +for." + +I bowed my head quite proudly and said, "Will you please, then, answer my +question?" + +"We won't be there for an hour or more. Are you not the young lady Mrs. +Flaxman is expecting?" + +"I am Mr. Winthrop's ward. I do not know any Mrs. Flaxman." + +"Oh, it's all the same. She lives with him; is a cousin, or something +connected with him. He is away now; left a month ago for the Pacific +coast." + +He was sitting now quite comfortably in the next seat. + +"You needn't have any more anxiety about the stopping places," he +continued, very cordially; "I will look after you, and see that you +get safely home, if there's no one there to meet you. Most likely they +expected you by the morning's Express." Then he inquired about my +luggage, examining my checks and keeping up a running stream of +conversation which I seemed compelled to answer. After the rigid +exclusion of my school life, where we were taught to regard all sorts of +men with a measure of wholesome dread, I scarce knew whether to be proud +of my courage in being able to sit there, with such outward calmness, or +ashamed of my boldness. If I could only have consulted one of the +teachers just for a moment it would have been such a relief; but +presently the train stopped, when he left my side, his seat to be +immediately occupied by an elderly woman with a huge covered basket. +After considerable difficulty she got herself and basket bestowed to her +satisfaction just before the cars got in motion. She moved uneasily on +the seat, looking around on all sides a trifle nervously, and then +in an awed whisper said to me, "Don't the cars go all to smash +sometimes?" + +"Not many times," I tried to say reassuringly. + +"I wan't never in 'em afore, and wouldn't be now, only my son Dan'el's +wife's took oncommon bad, and he thinks I can cure her." + +She remained quiet a while, and then somewhat reassured began to grow +curious about her traveling companions. + +"Have you cum fur?" she asked. + +I explained that I had come a good many miles. + +"All alone?" + +"Only from New York." + +"Going fur?" + +"To Cavendish." + +"Did you say Cavendish?" + +"Yes." + +"Be you a furriner?" + +"No, I am English;" I felt my color rising as I answered. + +"Well, you speak sort o' queer, but my old man was English, too, a +Norfolk man, and blest if I could understand quarter he said for ever so +long after we got keeping company. I used to say yes to everything I +didn't understand when we was alone, for fear he might be popping the +question; but laws, I knew well enough when he did ask." + +She fell into an apparently pleasant reverie, but soon returned to the +actualities of life. + +"You're not married, surely." + +I answered in the negative with fewest possible words. + +"Got a young man, though, I'll warrant; such a likely girl." + +"I do not understand what you mean," I answered with considerable +dignity, glad to let her know that her own English was not perfect. + +"You must have been riz in a queer place not to know what likely is. Why, +it's good-looking; and anybody knows you're that. But I suppose you +didn't have much eddication, they mostly don't in England; my man didn't +know even his letters; but I have pretty good book larnin' and so we got +on all right," she continued, with a retrospective look on her not +unkindly face. + +"Who might your folks be in Cavendish?" she asked, after a few moments of +welcome silence. + +"I have no relatives there," I answered, I am afraid, rather +ungraciously. + +"Going as governess or nurse girl to some of the aristocracy there? You +don't look as if you ever did much housework, though." + +"I am going to Mr. Winthrop's." + +"Deu tell! Why, I lived with his mother myself, when I was a widder +first." + +Then she relapsed into another eloquent pause of silence, while possibly +in her dim way she was reflecting how history repeats itself. But coming +back to reality again, and scanning me more closely than ever, she asked, +"Are you going there to work?" + +My patience was getting exhausted, and it is possible there was a trace +of petulance in my voice as I said, "No, I am Mr. Winthrop's ward." + +"Deu tell! What is that?" + +"He is my guardian." + +"Why, he is a young man for that. I thought they got elderly men." + +"My father held the same relation to him." + +She was some time taking in the idea, but she said at last, "Oh, I see." + +I took a book from my satchel and began reading; but she did not long +permit me to enjoy it; her next remark, however, riveted my attention. + +"I wonder if your name isn't Selwyn." + +"Yes." + +"Deary me, then I have seen your pa and ma long ago at Oaklands; that's +the Winthrop's place." + +"Please tell me about them. I never saw them after I was ten years old. I +was sent from India, and then they died." + +I spoke with a slight hesitancy, having first to translate my sentences, +as I still thought, in German. + +"Well, I wan't much acquainted with 'em. Housemaids ain't in general on +friendly terms with the quality, but your ma was so kind to us servants, +I've always remembered her. Mrs. Winthrop sot a sight by her." + +"What was that?" I asked, much mystified. + +"Oh, she liked them better'n most." + +"Do you recollect their appearance?" + +"Yes; your father was a soldier-like, handsome looking man, very tall and +pretty stern. Your ma minded me of a flower, she was so delicate. They +wan't long married then, but my, they was fond of each other! Your father +just worshipped her. I heard Mrs. Winthrop say he had a hard time to get +her. Your ma's folks didn't want her to marry a soldier. She was an only +child, and they lived in England. The Winthrops were English, too, as +well as your father." + +It was my turn now to fall into a reverie at the strangeness of +circumstances, thus causing me to meet this plain, old body, and learning +from her incidents about my own dead parents I might otherwise never have +known; besides she told it in such a realistic way that, in some +mysterious fashion, like mind reading, I seemed to see it all myself +through her clear eyes. + +"Have you many brothers and sisters?" + +"My mother had four children; but the others died in infancy." + +"You look rugged as most young ladies." + +"Do you mean healthy?" + +"Well, yes; you have a clear complexion and rosy cheeks." + +"They were extremely careful of our health at the school where I have +been for the last eight years. That was the reason my father sent me +there. He had heard how remarkably healthy their pupils were." + +"'Twan't in this country, or you'd speak more nateral like." + +"No, it was in Brussels." + +"Oh, yes; in England, I suppose." + +"No, on the continent of Europe; a city in Belgium, the capital." + +"And you've talked a furrin tongue, then." + +"Yes, several; but the German is the only one I speak quite correctly." + +"Bless your heart, you'll soon talk fast enough in English. Your voice is +very sweet; it minds me of your ma's. And it 'pears to me you speak +better already." + +I was beaming on the good woman now. + +"Will you remain long in Cavendish?" I ventured on a question or two +myself. + +"It'll depend on Dan'el's wife. He wants me to come and live with 'em, +but I hain't much hankering for darters-in-law, and I reckon we'd be +better friends furder apart. However I'll stay till she gets well; it +costs so for hired girls." + +"May I come and see you?" I asked. + +"Bless your dear heart, I'll be proud to have you come." + +"Will you please tell me your name and what street you live on?" + +"Oh, the streets don't amount to much in Cavendish. My name is Betsy +Blake; just inquire for Dan'el Blake on the Mill Road; he works in +Belcher's steam mill. Laws, how quick the time has gone! I thought for +sure I'd be amost scart to death; and I've hardly once thought of getting +smashed since I sot down here first; and now we're just into Cavendish." + +I glanced through the window, and my heart throbbed joyously; for there, +stretching so far away I could see no further shore, lay the beautiful +ocean. No matter now what might be my home in this strange, new country. +With my passion for the sea, and it so near, I could not be utterly +desolate. To sit on these cliffs, reddening now in the sunset and watch +the outgoing tide, sending imaginary messages on the departing waves to +far-off shores, would surely, to some extent, deaden the sense of utter +isolation from the world of childhood and youth. Mrs. Blake shook my hand +warmly, repeating again the invitation to visit her at Daniel's, while +she gathered up her huge basket and started for the door with the cars +still in motion. I sat watching from the window the groups of people +waiting for the incoming train as we stopped at the station. A few +carriages were there, but none of them had come for Mrs. Blake. A strong +limbed man, with a dejected face, relieved her of the basket and then +hurried away, she rapidly following. I felt sorry for them, and was +speculating what news Daniel had brought of his sick wife, quite +forgetting for the time that I too had need to be astir. The conductor, +however, soon reminded me of the fact as he announced briskly that a +carriage was in waiting for me. + +"They will send down bye-and-bye for your luggage; it's only a one-seated +affair outside." + +I followed him to the carriage; a bright faced young fellow was holding a +spirited horse; from his bearing I instantly set him down as something +more than a servant. + +"Here, Flaxman, is your charge," the conductor remarked, as he assisted +me into the carriage. + +"Miss Selwyn, I presume," the young man said, politely, as he +disentangled one hand from the reins to grasp mine. The horse started off +on a biasing canter, much to my amusement. + +"You are not afraid, I hope," my companion said, a trifle anxiously. + +"Not afraid, but amused; your horse goes so oddly; but I am not +accustomed to their ways." I added, fearing my remark might give offence. + +"Faery and I are very good friends, and understand each other thoroughly; +but strangers usually get alarmed." + +My knowledge of quadrupeds was so limited I thought it safest to remain +silent. + +Presently we passed the Blakes, I longed to relieve Daniel of his heavy +basket; for even he seemed to stagger beneath its weight. + +"I was speaking with that woman on the train. She comes to attend her +son's wife, who is sick." + +"Oh, the Blakes, then. She won't have much to do, Dan's wife died to-day; +poor beggar, he looks heartbroken." + +"Your wife may be dead some day; then you will know how dreadfully he +feels," I said, hotly. The flippant tone in face of such sorrow +distressed me. He gave me a merry look as he said: "There are always +plenty left to replace the lost ones. A wife is far easier got than a +horse; one like Faery, for instance." + +I shut my mouth firmly and turned my head away to watch the white sails +idly mirrored, in the still waters, I knew he was furtively watching me, +and this alone held back my tears, as I thought of poor Blake's desolate +hearthstone, as well as my own heart's loneliness in this wide continent +of strangers. + +"Mr. Winthrop regretted being away when you arrived, but he expected us +to be kind to you; so we must not quarrel first thing." My companion +said, with entire change of tone. + +"I quarrel pretty easily," I stammered, "my temper is very abrupt." + +"Most of us have quick tempers; but, I think, you, at least, have a +generous one." + +Then I recollected abrupt was not a very suitable word to couple with +temper. Taken altogether, I found this drive home with Faery and her +master anything but enjoyable. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + +OAKLANDS. + + +Faery's head was turned at last from the wide, dusty street into an +imposing gateway, which lead through an avenue bordered thickly with +evergreens mostly pine and hemlock. "These trees look a trifle hot in +summer; but they are a capital protection in a winter's storm, I assure +you," my companion said with an apologetic air. + +I could think of no suitable reply; so merely said, "yes." + +"It's a tradition among their acquaintances that the Winthrops believe in +getting the very best possible good out of everything." + +"Have they succeeded?" + +"Better than the generality of folks; but they have come pretty near +extinction, at least on this side the water. Mr. Winthrop is the last of +his race." + +"Has he no children?" + +"He is a bachelor." + +"But he may have children and a wife some day." + +"You will probably be his heir, if he does not marry, I believe he is +your heir by your father's will, in case you die without heirs." + +I laughed merrily. "He will outlive me probably. What good would his +money do me if I were old, or maybe dead?" + +"Your children might enjoy it." + +I wondered was it customary in this country to speculate on such remote +possibilities, but said nothing. We soon reached the house, which stood +on ground elevated to command a magnificent view of the sea, the distant +headlands, and a wide stretch of hill and dale. The house itself reminded +me more of old world buildings than any I had yet seen in America; and, +on the spot, I took a fancy to it, and felt that here I could easily +cultivate the home feeling, without which I should still be a wanderer on +the earth. Mrs. Flaxman was standing to receive me as I ascended the +granite steps that led to the main entrance. The great stone house had +wings at either end while deep breaks in the heavy masonry of the walls +occurred at regular intervals, and heavy pillars of granite made a +massive background for this fair, slight woman as I looked at her. + +"I will commit Miss Selwyn to your care, mother, while I take a little +longer drive with Faery," my companion said, graciously. + +"I will accept your trust with a great deal of pleasure, Hubert," she +said, receiving me with a cordiality that warmed my heart. "You are very +welcome home. At least, I hope you will feel at home here." + +"I have no other, now that I have left school," I said, gravely. + +"Young ladies do not often waste much sentiment on their boarding-school +home, so I think we shall succeed in making you content here with us at +Oaklands." + +"I have always been accustomed to find my own sources of content. We were +left at school to amuse ourselves or not, as we willed." + +"But I hope we shall not be so indifferent to your pleasure. Mr. Winthrop +is not much of a society man, but we still see a good many visitors." + +The main entrance of the house was finer than anything I had remembered +to have seen, and at first I felt quite oppressed by the grandeur of my +surroundings; but when Mrs. Flaxman had conducted me to my own room, its +dainty furnishings and appointments made it appear to me, after the plain +accommodations of the school, a perfect bower for any maiden. I went to +one of the deep windows and looked out over the splendid stretch of land +and sea scape spread before me. Drawing a long sigh of perfect content, I +exclaimed: "I know I shall be happy here. How could I help it, with such +pictures to look at?" + +"If you admire the scenery so much at first, what will your sensations be +when you have grown intimate with its beauty? Nature enters into our +humanity like human acquaintances." + +"What do you mean?" I asked, much mystified. + +"There are some places like some people--the more we study them the more +they are admired, we are continually discovering hidden beauties. But you +must study nature closely, at all hours and seasons, to discover her +subtle charms." + +"Won't you teach me what you have learned?" + +"If I can do so I shall be glad; but I think we must each study her for +ourselves. She has no text books that I have ever seen." + +"I wonder do we all see things alike? Does that sea, now a sheet of rose +and amethyst, and the sky that seems another part of the same, and the +green trees, and hills, and rocks, look to you as they do to me?" + +"Not yet, my child. When you have studied them as long, and have the +memories of years clustering around each well-remembered spot, they may +look the same to you as they now do to me; but not till then," she added, +I fancied a little sadly. + +"Probably I shall enjoy this exquisite view better without the memories; +they usually hold a sting." + +"That depends on the way we use life. To live as God wills, leaves no +sting for after thought." + +"Not if death comes and takes our loved ones? How alone I am in the world +because of him." + +"There are far sadder experiences than yours. Death is not always our +worst enemy; we may have a death in life, compared with which Death +itself is an angel of light." + +"Oh, what a strange, sad thing life is at the best! Is it worth being +born and suffering so much for all the joy we find?" + +"No, indeed, if this life were all; but it is only the faint dawn of a +brighter, grander existence, more worthy the gift of a God." + +"But we must die to get to that fuller, higher life;" I said, suddenly +remembering poor Blake's dead wife. + +She smiled compassionately. + +"It is hard convincing you young people that even death may be a tender +friend, a welcome messenger. But we won't talk in this strain any longer, +I scarce know why we drifted into it. I want your first impressions of +home to be joyous, for they are apt to haunt us long after we make the +discovery that they were not correct." + +"I wonder if you are not something of a philosopher? I never heard any +one talk just like you." + +"Certainly not anything so formidable, and learned as that. I am only a +plain little woman, with no special mission except to make those around +me happy." + +"That is a very beautiful mission, and I am sure you meet with success, +which is not the fate of every one with a career." + +"Ah, if you begin praising me I must leave; but first let me tell you +dinner will be served at six. Mr. Winthrop is a great student, and is +already, for so young a man, a very successful author; and he likes +dinner late so as to have all the longer time for hard work. The evenings +he takes for light reading and rest." + +I must confess I was beginning to get afraid of my guardian. I expected +to find him in manners and appearance something like our school +professors, with a tendency to criticise my slender literary +acquirements. + +However I proceeded with my toilet quite cheerfully, and was rather glad +than sorry that I had found him absent from Oaklands; but after I left my +room and wandered out into the dim, spacious hall and down the long +stairway, the heavy, old-fashioned splendors of the house chilled me. How +could I occupy myself happily through the coming years in this great, +gloomy house? I vaguely wondered, while life stretched out before my +imagination, in long and tiresome perspective. + +With no school duties to occupy my time, my knowledge of amusements, +needlework, or any other of the softer feminine accomplishments, +exceedingly limited, I was suddenly confronted with the problem how I was +to fill up the days and years with any degree of satisfaction. Hitherto +every thought had been strained eagerly towards this home coming. After +that fancy was a blank. Now I had got here, what then? I had been a +fairly industrious pupil and graduated with commendable success; but it +had been a tradition at our school that once away from its confinement, +text-books and the weariness of study were at an end. I went out on the +lawn, and was standing, a trifle homesick for the companionship of the +merry crowd of schoolmates, when a side glance revealed to me an immense +garden, such as I had often seen, but not near enough to sufficiently +enjoy. I soon forgot my lonely fancies as I strayed admiringly through +the well kept walks, amid beds of old-fashioned sweet smelling flowers, +which now-a-days are for the most part relegated to the humble cottages; +but farther on I discovered the rarer plants of many climes, some of them +old acquaintances, but others utter strangers, only so far as I could +remember some of them from my lessons in botany. Still stretching beyond +on the hill side I saw the vegetable and fruit gardens. Huge strawberry +beds attracted me, the ripe fruit I found tempting; but feeling still a +stranger, the old weakness that comes down to us from Mother Eve to reach +forth and pluck, was restrained. "What a perfect Eden it is!" I could not +help exclaiming, though no ears save the birds, and multitudinous insects +existences, were within reach of my voice, and probably for the latter, +any sound I could make would be as unheard by them as the music of the +spheres must be to me until another body, with finer intuitions to catch +such harmonies, shall be provided. Ere the dinner bell rang I found a new +wonderland of beauty reaching away beyond me. To watch from early spring +till winter's icy breath destroyed them, these multiplied varieties of +vegetable life gradually passing through all their beautiful changes of +bud and blossom, and ripened seed or fruit would be a training in some +respects, equalling that of the schools. What higher lessons in botany I +might take, day by day exploring the secrets of plant life! I went back +to the house in a happier mood than I had left it. At the dinner table I +expressed, no doubt with amusing enthusiasm, my gladness at this garden +of delight. + +"You should become a practical botanist, Miss Selwyn. But then your heart +might prove too tender to tear your pets to pieces in order to find out +their secrets." + +"I did not know my heart was specially tender." + +"I only judged so from your sympathy for the Blakes. Only think, mother, +Miss Selwyn was prophesying the time when I should be mourning over a +departed wife." + +"You must not mind Hubert, Miss Selwyn. He is a sad tease, as we all find +to our sorrow. He has not had brothers or sisters since his childhood to +teach him gentleness." + +"Only children are apt to be not very agreeable companions. We had some +unpleasant specimens at school." + +"That is too hard on both of us, Miss Selwyn," he said; "but I must prove +to you that I, at least, am a beautiful exception to the general rule." + +For the first time I looked up at him closely, and was struck with the +handsome merry face. + +"With a very little effort you could make yourself very agreeable, I am +sure," I said, with all seriousness. + +Even Mrs. Flaxman could not conceal her amusement at my remark. + +"It is so refreshing to meet with such a frank young lady," Hubert said, +with downcast eyes. I had a suspicion he was laughing at me. Presently he +glanced at me, when I found the fun in his eyes contagious, and, though +at my own expense, indulged in a hearty laugh. + +"I wish you would tell me when I make myself ridiculous. I do not +understand boys' natures. I scarce remember to have spoken a dozen +consecutive sentences to one in my life. All our Professors were more or +less gray, and they every one wore spectacles." + +"They must been an interesting lot," Hubert said, with a lack of his +usual animation. When I was longer with him I discovered that the open +space in his armor was to be regarded a boy. + +"But, no doubt they were all young and mischievous once. The soberest +horse in Belgium frisked around its mother in its colthood, no doubt." + +"You will see plenty of poor horses in America," Mrs. Flaxman said. +"Faery is by no means a typical horse." + +"Faery's master loves her. That makes a world of difference with the +ownership of other things than horses." + +"Really, Miss Selwyn, you can moralize on every subject, I believe, with +equal ease." + +"He is making fun of me again, I presume," I said, turning to Mrs. +Flaxman. "When I talk a longer time with you English-speaking people, I +shall not be so open to ridicule. Some day, Mr. Hubert, I may meet you in +Germany, and then I shall be able to retaliate." + +"Before that time comes you will be generous enough to return good for +evil." + +"And when shall you get your punishment then?" + +"Maybe never. I find a good many evil-doers get off scot free in this +world." + +"But there are other worlds than this, my son," his mother said, with +such sweet seriousness that our badinage ceased for that evening. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + +ESMERELDA. + + +The next morning I was early astir. I was eager to explore the grounds +around Oaklands, as well as the beaches and caves where the waves +penetrated far under the rocks at high tide. The grounds I found very +extensive--in places almost like some of the old English parks which I +had seen on my visits there to distant relatives during the holidays. It +was pleasant to think while wandering under the trees, and over the +splendid wastes of flowers, and ornamental shrubs, and trees, that in +this wide, vast America no one need be defrauded of his portion of mother +earth by this immense flower garden; since there was more than sufficient +land for every anxious toiler. To me there was an exceeding luxury in +this reflection; for often on those lovely Kentish estates where I had +visited, my heart had been grieved by the extremes of wealth and squalor. +Pinched-faced women and children gazing hungrily through park gates at +the flowers, and fountains, and all the beauty within, while they had no +homes worthy the name, and alas! no flowers or fountains to gladden their +beauty hungered hearts. My friends used to smile at my saddened face as +I looked in these other human faces with a pitying sense of sisterhood, +that was strange to them; but they humored my desire to try and gladden +these lives so limited in their happy allotments, by gifts of rare +flowers and choice fruits. But I used to find the old-fashioned flowers, +that the gardeners grumbled least over my plucking, were the most +welcome. + +At luncheon I came in, my hair sea-blown from my visit to the rocks, +and my face finely burnt by the combined influence of wind and sun. I +expressed to Mrs. Flaxman a desire to visit my new acquaintance on the +Mill Road. I noticed a peculiar uplifting of the eyebrows as I glanced +towards Hubert. + +"It will be something entirely new in Mill Road experience to have a +friendly call from one of our Cavendish _elite_." + +"Why, Hubert," his mother remonstrated, "it is not an unusual thing for +our friends to visit the poor and sick on the Mill Road, as well as in +the other humbler districts." + +"Doubtless, but in much the same fashion as Queen Elizabeth used to visit +her subjects--mere royal progresses, more bother than blessing. Miss +Selwyn, I fancy, will go there in a friendly sort of way, that even Dan +will appreciate." + +"Oh, thank you, Hubert; but possibly, if I quite comprehended your +meaning, I should be more provoked than complimented." + +"Well, if I was one of the poor ones I would like your visits best. +I would be willing to dispense with the dignity for sake of the +friendliness that would recognize that I too had a common brotherhood +with the highest as well as the lowest." + +"Ah, I comprehend your meaning now, and I won't get angry with you. I +think I must be a changeling, in spirit probably; there could be no +mistake, I presume, in my physical identity, but my heart always claims +kindred most with the lean, hungry faces." + +"You could soon make my eyes watery, I do believe," Hubert said, with a +gentleness that surprised me. + +I saw Mrs. Flaxman quietly drying her eyes and wondered why my few, +simple words should touch their tear fountain. + +Towards evening I started on my walk to the Mill Road. The gardener had +very graciously allowed me to gather some flowers to take with me. These +I had arranged with some wet mosses I found in the woods that morning; +and begging a nice little basket from the housekeeper, had them very +daintily arranged. When I came downstairs equipped for my walk, I found +a very stylish young lady standing in the hall beside Mrs. Flaxman. + +"Esmerelda will show you the way. I scarcely feel equal for such a walk +this hot day, and I know you will kindly excuse me." + +"Oh certainly; it would trouble me to have you walk any distance when you +look so frail." + +"I am not frail, dear; but I have got into an idle habit of taking my +outings in the carriage; and so walking soon tires me." + +I turned towards the young lady, who in a very graceful, dignified way +seemed to be awaiting my pleasure. I could not believe she was a servant, +and felt quite shabby when I compared my own costume with hers. + +When we were walking down the avenue I ventured a remark or two on the +beauty of the place; but she answered me with such proud reserve I +suddenly relapsed into silence which remained unbroken until we reached +Mrs. Blake's door. While I stood knocking at the front door Esmerelda +slipped around to the back of the cottage where a rough, board porch +served as entrance for every day occasions. Mrs. Blake met me with +genuine cordiality, and then led me into a close smelling room. The floor +was covered with a cheap carpet, a few common chairs, a very much worn +horse-hair sofa, and a table covered with a very new, and very +gay-looking cloth, comprised the furnishing, with the exception of walls +decorated with cheap chromos in the most wonderful frames I ever +saw,--some of them made of shells, some of leather, some of moss, and +others simply covered, with bright pieces of chintz. I longed to arrange +them in more orderly fashion. They were hanging crooked or too close +together, not one of them in a proper way I decided, as I took a swift +survey of the room. But presently my gaze was arrested, and all thought +of pictures hung awry ceased; for there, in a darkened corner of the +room, I traced the rigid outlines of a human figure concealed beneath a +sheet. + +"You brought these to put round the corpse?" Mrs. Blake questioned, +suddenly bringing me back from my startled reverie. + +"Yes, if you would care for them." + +She lifted them out of the basket with a tenderness that surprised me, +and placed them in water; she sat looking at them intently. + +"Do you admire flowers?" I asked. + +"Oh, yes; but they're useless things, I s'pose. No good once they're +wilted." + +"But they are perfect while they last." + +"Yes, and I allus feels sorry for the poor things, when I see 'em put +round a corpse and buried in the ground; may be they have more feeling +than we allow for." + +She spoke so sadly, I felt my eyes moisten; but whether it was out of +pity for the flowers, the poor dead woman lying opposite, or my friend +Mrs. Blake, who seemed strangely subdued, I could not tell. + +"She was gone when I got here," she said, nodding her head at the corpse. +"Dan'el's terrible cut up; it minds me so of the time we lost our first +baby. I had to do everything then and I've got to do the same now." + +"I presume she was a very good wife." + +"I don't know. Men generally frets hardest after the uselessest ones. I +s'pose it's because they're easy-going and good-natured; but laws, I +mustn't be hard. Mother-in-laws don't see with their children's eyes. I +often think, in some ways, 'twould be best for one generation to die off +afore the next takes their place. It's a mercy we don't live like they +did in the first of Bible times. For poor women folk's life ain't much +after fifty any way, specially if they're depending on their children. +Hard work, shoved in a corner, and the bite you eat begrudged you." + +"Surely you don't speak from experience," I gasped, quite horrified. + +"Me? Oh, no. I've managed better'n most in my way of life. I help, +instead of getting help. But I'm not thinking of myself all the time. +I see other women's hardships, and pity 'em too." + +She turned the conversation abruptly by asking: + +"Would you like to see the corpse?" + +I certainly wished to see almost anything on earth rather than that; but, +lest I should be offending the proprieties, I followed her and stood +beside the still, outstretched form. She turned down the sheet when, for +an instant, my head swam; and then I shut firmly my eyes and stood until +I concluded the ghastly spectacle was hidden behind the sheet. Mrs. +Blake's voice caused me to open my eyes with a start. + +"Be you faint?" + +I crossed the room directly, and sat down before I replied. + +"Certainly not; but the sight was a painful one." + +"I know there's a sight of difference in corpses. Perfessors of religion +make the peacefullest." + +"Was she not one?" + +"Well, no; and she was took so bad she hadn't time to perfess. Beside +Dan'el tells me she suffered uncommon till the very last breath, that +makes her look more distressin' than she would." + +"Is he a professor?" + +"No, my family didn't seem to lean that way. But my! they was a sight +better'n some that did let on they was very good." + +"He will become a Christian now, surely." + +"Tain't likely. One soon forgets the feelins death leaves, and then we +all look for a quiet spell afore we die." I felt as if skeleton fingers +were clutching at my vitals; and altogether terrified I rose to go. + +"The funeral will be to-morrow at two o'clock; perhaps you wouldn't mind +coming?" + +"If you would like me to attend, I will do so." + +"I don't know why it is, but seems to me it would be a comfort to have +you. Quality always could touch my heart better'n my own kind." + +"You may be reckoned among that class in the next world." + +She stood in the doorway, her eyes turned wistfully towards the setting +sun. "I hain't thought much about that world. I know it's a mistake to +live as I've done." + +I wished so much I could recommend her to a better way of life; but +remembering that I too was living only for this world, I could say +nothing. + +Pressing her hand gently I turned to leave, when I saw Esmerelda coming +out of the door after me. + +The rigid form I had looked at and Mrs. Blake's words had softened my +heart; so I tried once more to chat pleasantly with my escort; but +probably she had not got the same lesson as I, for she put on as many +airs as before. When I met Mrs. Flaxman I inquired what Esmerelda's +position was in the household. To my astonishment she said: + +"She is the chambermaid." + +"But is she a lady?" + +"Every one that can dress becomingly claims that title with us; I presume +Esmerelda with the rest." + +"But her mother?" I left the sentence unfinished. + +"Lives on Mill Road and takes in washing." + +"Don't you think it is wiser to keep servants in their proper place as +they do in Europe? One is not in danger there of mistaking maid for +mistress." + +"Ah, that is a problem for wiser heads than ours to solve. Each system +has its grievances; if human nature had not suffered so severely from +the original transgression I should favor the American plan." + +"But it has fallen, and requires generations of training to fit one for +such assumption of dignity." + +"Even so, we come on debatable ground. Where do you find longer lines of +trained generations than in those Royal families that cost you so much +to support, and what do many of them amount to? How many of them would it +take to make one Lincoln? He was a peasant's son, as they reckon rank." + +"But there are not many Lincolns; and I fear we can find a good many +Esmereldas." + +"She is a very good chambermaid. What fault do you find with her?" + +I smiled, though utterly discomfited. + +"A fault one cannot easily forgive. She impresses me with her own +superiority, especially in the matter of dress." + +"Yes, our shop and servant girls are usually good artists in the matter +of personal attire; but I usually find the really clever ones are the +poorest dressers." + +"Is not that the case with others than they? Persons who have more +enduring objects of contemplation than personal attire do not bestow +enough time on how they shall robe themselves to excel in dressing +artistically." + +"I know that; but since Eve's fig-leaf invention the matter of dress has +been an absorbing one for nearly every generation." + +"In the main; but there have been beautiful exceptions all down the long +stream of the ages. I met some literary women the last time I was +visiting in England, and their minds seemed so far superior to their +bodies, or the clothes they wore, that ever since I have been ashamed of +myself when I get particularly interested in what I am to wear." + +"You are young, my child, to begin to philosophize on the matter of +clothes. You have read Sartor Resartus?" + +"Oh, yes, and I want to be something better than a mere biped without +feathers." + +"To want is the first step toward the accomplishment. I think you will +suit Mr. Winthrop after he gets to know you, if ever he does," she added, +after a pause. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + +THE FUNERAL. + + +The next morning I went in search of Mrs. Flaxman. I found her busy +superintending, along with the housekeeper, some extensive pickling and +preserving operations. I hesitated at first in making my request; I +wanted her to accompany me to the funeral. + +"I promised Mrs. Blake to go to her daughter's funeral to-day, and I +should so much like to have you go with me," I said. + +"If you would like my company, your liking shall be gratified, my dear." + +"But you looked tired, and it is such a hot day." + +"I shall want folk to come and get me safely planted away some day, and +we can take the carriage. Thomas will be glad to go; at least he always +wants to attend funerals. Such persons usually are fond of the mild +excitement attendant on such gatherings." + +I went in search of Thomas, who was with coachman and gardener, having a +lad to assist him in both occupations. He assured me that work was very +pressing, and it would be at considerable personal sacrifice if he went. +The stable boy, a red-haired, keen-faced youth standing by, gave a +quizzical look, which I interpreted as meaning that Thomas wished to +conceal the fact that he was very glad indeed to go to Mrs. Daniel +Blake's funeral. At the appointed hour I found myself in a carriage drawn +by a pair of horses fully as handsome, but much more sedate than Faery. +"Why, this is positively luxurious," I exclaimed, leaning back in the +very comfortable carriage. Mrs. Flaxman smiled serenely. + +"My dear, it is a luxury you may every day enjoy. I am not inclined for +carriage exercise--a walk has greater charm for me save when I am tired." + +"If you had walked all your life--only enjoying a carriage at brief +intervals during the holidays, you would enjoy this drive, I am sure." + +"Your life is not a very long affair, my child. At your age, no doubt, I +thought as you now do. I believe God intended that youth and age should +see this world through different eyes." + +Mrs. Flaxman, I was finding, had a way of setting me thinking about +serious things, and yet the thoughts were mainly pleasant ones. She was +different from any one I ever knew. I found her presence so restful. I +had the impression that some time in her life she had encountered storms, +but the mastery had been gained; and now she had drifted into a peaceful +harbor. Looking back now over longer stretches of years and experiences +than I then had, I can recall a few other persons who impressed me in a +similar fashion. But they were rare and beautiful exceptions to the +scores, and even hundreds of average human folk whom I have known. + +After we had driven some distance, Thomas turned to inquire if we were +going to the grave. + +"It is a shady drive good part of the way; trees on one side and the +water's edge bordering the other. Perhaps we might as well go." + +"They'd take it very kind of you, ma'am, I am sure," Thomas responded, +although her remarks were addressed to me. Evidently he was very +willing to exercise the horses, notwithstanding his press of work. + +We sat in the carriage at the door of Daniel's cottage. The house seemed +full, and quite a crowd were standing outside. + +"They have shown the poor thing a good deal of respect," Mrs. Flaxman +whispered to me as she glanced at the numerous assemblage. + +Suddenly, on the hush that seemed to enfold everything, there broke +weird, discordant singing--women's voices sounding high and piercing, the +men's deeper and more melodious. The hymn they sang was long, and the air +very plaintive, bringing tears to my eyes, and causing the strange, +oppressed feeling of the preceding day to return. When the singing ceased +I noticed the men removing their hats, and a moment after a stentorian +voice speaking loudly. I glanced around amazed, but Mrs. Flaxman noticing +my surprise, whispered, "It is prayer." + +If the singing made me nervous the prayer intensified the feeling. In the +hot, midsummer air, so still the leaves scarce rippled on the trees, I +could, after a few seconds, distinguish every word the man uttered. +Accustomed to the decorous prayer of the German pastors our teachers +had taken us to hear, this impetuous prayer to the Deity awed me. He +talked with the invisible Jehovah as if they two were long tried friends, +between whom there was such perfect trust; whatever the man asked the God +would bestow. First there was intercession, pleading for forgiveness for +past offences, and for restraining grace for future needs. Afterward he +spoke of Death, the common inheritance of each of us, and the pain his +entrance had caused in this home, and then followed thanksgiving that +through Christ we could conquer even Death himself. I shall never forget +the triumphant ring in that man's voice as he passed on to the joy of +those who, trampling on Death, have passed safely within the light of +God. + +"If one of the old masters had heard that man's prayer to-day, he would +have set it to some grand music. It reminds me of a _Te Deum_ or +oratoria," I said to Mrs. Flaxman, when the benediction was pronounced. +The tears were in her eyes, but her face was shining as if some inner +light were irradiating it. + +"Did you ever hear so impetuous a prayer?" I asked. + +She answered my question by asking another: + +"Did you not like it?" + +"I think it frightened me. The clergyman seemed to be talking to some one +right beside him." + +"Is not all prayer that--talking, pleading with a God nigh at hand?" + +I did not reply. My eyes were fastened on the crowd now issuing from the +cottage door; the coffin, carried by men, came first, the people pressing +hurriedly after--among them one whom I instinctively felt to be the +clergyman--a thick-set man with hair turning white, and a most noble, +benignant face. As the procession formed he took his place at the head; +Daniel and his mother climbing into a wagon directly behind the hearse; +the former looked utterly broken down, as if the light of his eyes had +verily been quenched. + +The procession then moved slowly along, and in a short time we turned out +of the Mill Road, and into a beautiful shady street along the water's +edge. I watched the sunlight on the shimmering waters, and far across, +where one of the wooded headlands looked down into the sea, the green +trees made such a picture on the water that, in watching this perfect bit +of landscape, I found myself forgetting the solemn occasion, and the +sorrowing heart of the solitary mourner, while I planned to come there +the very next day with my sketch book, and secure this gem to send to my +favorite teacher as a specimen of my new surroundings. And then fancy got +painting her own pictures as to what my work in this new life with its +greatly altered meaning should be, and before we had reached the grave's +edge I had mapped out my ongoings for a long stretch of the future, and +that in such eager, worldly fashion that I almost forgot that at the end +of all this bright-hued future there lay for me, as well as for Daniel +Blake's wife, an open grave. My busy thoughts were recalled by hearing +the penetrating voice of the preacher saying "dust to dust, ashes to +ashes," with the remainder of the beautiful formula used by many of the +churches in planting the human germ. A glance around revealed Daniel +Blake leaning in the very abandonment of grief on a tombstone at the +grave's side, and looking down into the coffin that was rapidly +disappearing under the shovelfuls of clay. A keen sense of my own +heartlessness in feeling so happy within touch of such woe came over me, +while a vague wonder seized me, if some other careless-hearted creatures +might not be planning their joys some day in presence of my breaking +heart. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + +A NEW ACCOMPLISHMENT LEARNED. + + +I was rapidly attaining the comfortable home feeling at Oaklands, which +makes life in castle or hut a rapture. There were so many sources of +enjoyment open to me. I had a more than usual love for painting, and +had for years prosecuted the art more from love than duty. My last +teacher, an old German Professor, exacting and very thorough, had been as +particular with my instruction as if my bread depended on my proficiency. +I thanked him now in my heart when I found myself shut out from other +opportunities for improvement than what, unaided, I could secure. There +were special bits of landscape I loved to sketch over and over again; +these I would take to Mrs. Flaxman, or Reynolds, the housekeeper, to see +if they could recognize the original of my drawing; but even Samuel, the +stable-boy, could name the spot at sight. His joy was unbounded, but +scarcely excelled my own when I succeeded in making a water-color sketch +of himself, the hair a shade or two less flame-colored than was natural, +and which even Hubert pronounced a very fair likeness. Then in the large, +stately drawing-room, some of whose furnishing dated back a century or +more, stood a fine, grand piano. Here I studied over again my school +lessons, or tried new ventures from some of the masters. What dreams I +had in that dim room in the pauses of my music; peopling that place again +with the vanished ones who had loved and suffered there my own dead +parents among the rest, whose faces looked down at me, I thought +tenderly, from the walls where their portraits hung in heavy carved +frames, of a fashion a generation old. There was about my mother's face a +haunting expression, as of a well known face which long afterward looked +out at me one day from my own reflection in the mirror and then, to my +joy, I discovered I was like her in feature and expression. In the +library too, whose key Mr. Winthrop had left with Mrs. Flaxman for my +use, I found an unexplored wonderland. My literature had chiefly +consisted of the text book variety, and if I had possessed wider range, +my time was so fully occupied with lessons I could not have availed +myself of the privilege; but now, with what relish I went from shelf to +shelf, dipping into a book here and another there, taking by turns +poetry, history, fiction, and biography, Shakespeare and Milton had so +often perplexed me in Grammar and analysis, that I left them for the most +part severely alone; but there were others, fresh and new to me as a June +morning, and quite as refreshing: Hubert used sometimes to join me, but +we generally disagreed. I had little patience with his practical +criticisms of my choicest readings, while he assured me my enthusiasm +over my favorite authors was a clear waste of sentiment. Mrs. Flaxman +was, in addition to all this, adding to my fund of knowledge the very +useful one of needlework, and was getting me interested not only in the +mysteries of plain sewing, but brought some of her carefully hoarded +tapestries for me to imitate--beautiful Scriptural scenes that sent me to +the Bible with a critical interest to see if the designs were in harmony +with its spirit. Then too I used to spend happy hours exploring garden, +field and forest, for Oaklands embraced a wide area, making acquaintance +with the gentle Alderneys, and Jerseys, who brought us so generously +their daily offering, as well as the many other meek, dumb creatures whom +I was getting to care for with a quite human interest. The seashore too +had its constantly renewed fascinations which drew me there, to watch its +tireless ebb and flow, or the busy craft disappearing out of sight +towards their many havens around the earth. Stories I had for the +seashore, and others for the woodland and gardens which I carried on in +long chapters, day after day, until sorrowfully I came to the end, as we +must always do to everything in this world. + +My heroes and heroines were all singularly busy people, carrying on their +loves and intrigues amid restless activities, and living in the main to +help others in the way of life rather than, like myself, living to +themselves alone. Altogether I did not find a moment of my sixteen hours +of working life each day any too long, and opened my eyes on each +morning's light as if it were a fresh creation. + +Then, in addition to all these, there were solemn, stately tea drinkings +among the upper ten of Cavendish society, but usually I found them a +task--the music was poor, the conversation almost wholly confined to +local affairs, and the only refection of a first-class nature was the +food provided. Cavendish ladies were notable housewives, and could +converse eloquently on pickling, preserving, baking and the many details +of domestic economy, while as regarded the fashions, I verily believe +they could have enlightened Worth himself on some important particulars. +I used to feel sadly out of place, and sat very often silent and +constrained, thinking of my dearer, and more satisfying companionships of +books, and sea, and flowers, and the fair face of nature generally, and +wondering if I could ever get, like them, absorbed in such humble things, +getting for instance my pickles nicely greened, and of a proper degree of +crispness, and my preserves, and jellies prepared with equal perfection +for diseased and fastidious palates. "Why can't they talk of their minds, +and the food these must relish, and assimilate, instead of all the time +being devoted to the body; how it must be fed and clothed?" I asked, with +perhaps too evident contempt, of Mrs. Flaxman, one evening as we drove +home under the midnight stars, after one of these entertainments. + +"My child, it is natural that people should talk on subjects that most +interest them. Not every one has vision clear enough to penetrate beyond +the tangible and visible." + +"Then, in what are the Cavendish aristocracy better than Mrs. Blake, and +that class? Even she talks sometimes to me about God and the soul. She +says she and Daniel think a great deal about these of late." + +"God only knows; they may be far better in His sight than any of us," +Mrs. Flaxman said, wearily. + +"Not any better than you, dear friend," I said, clasping the little, thin +hand in mine. + +"Yes, better, if they are doing more for others than I, sacrificing their +own ease and pleasure, which, alas, I am not doing." + +"How can you say that, when you are making home, and me so happy? I want +to grow to be just such a woman as you." + +"Alas, child, you must take a higher ideal than I am to pattern after, if +your life is to be a success." + +"Mrs. Blake tells me of a good man living on the Mill Road, who is blind +and thinks a great deal. He says none of us can tell what our lives seem +like to the angels, and that many a one will get an overwhelming surprise +after death; some who think they are no good in the world, mere cumberers +of the ground, will find such blessed surprises as they wander through +the Heavenly places." + +"That is very comforting, dear, if we could only hope to be among those +meek ones." + +"He told Mrs. Blake she might be one of God's blessed ones if she +wished--that any sincere soul was welcomed by Him." + +"Surely you did not need to go to Mrs. Blake to learn that?" + +I was silent, perhaps ashamed for Mrs. Flaxman to know how very dense my +ignorance was respecting these mysteries of our holy religion. As the +weeks went by my friendship for Mrs. Blake strengthened. I kept her +little cottage brightened with the old-fashioned blossoms that she loved +best. "They mind me so of when I was a child, and the whole world seemed +in summer time like a great garden. We lived deep in the country, just a +little strip of ground brought in from the woods, and all round our +little log house was the green trees," she said one day, the pleasant +reflective look that I liked to see coming into her kind, strong face. I +used to sit and listen to her homely, uncultivated speech, and wonder why +I liked her so much better than my natural associates. She was so real, I +could not imagine her trying to appear other than she was. Some way she +seemed to take me back to elementary things, like the memories of +childhood or the reading of the Book of Genesis. Then she had so changed +Daniel's cottage--newly papered, whitewashed and thoroughly cleansed with +soap and water, it seemed one of the cosiest, homeliest places I ever +saw. I only went in the afternoons, and her housework then was always +done; but she was never idle. I used to watch her knitting stockings of +all sizes with silent curiosity; but one day I asked who a tiny pair of +scarlet ones was for. "Mrs. Larkum's baby. The poor things are in +desperate trouble," she replied. + +"But do you knit for other folks?" + +"Yes, fur some. Them I jest finished is fur one of the Chisties' down the +lane. Any size from one to ten fits there." + +"Are they able to pay you?" I ventured to inquire. + +"I don't ginerally knit for folks as can pay. It's a pity for little feet +to go bare because the mother was thriftless or overworked." + +I watched the busy fingers a little sadly, comparing them with my own +daintily gloved hands, that had never done anything more useful than to +hold a text book, or sketch, or practice on the ivory keys, while those +other hands often tired, calloused with hard usage, had been working +unselfishly through the years for others. + +"I wish you would teach me to knit," I said one day, seized with a sudden +inspiration. + +"'Twould be a waste of your time. Folks like you don't wear home-knit +stockings." + +"Oh, yes they do. Pretty silken hose is quite the fashion; but I hire +mine knitted." + +"Then what makes you want to learn?" + +"Do you not think it is my duty to work for the poor, and helpless as +well as yours?" + +"I won't allow but what it is; but laws! rich folk can't pity the poor, +no more'n a person that's never been sick, or had the tooth-ache, can +pity one who has." + +"The stockings would be just as warm, though, as if I knew all about +their sorrows." + +"I reckon they'd feel better on some feet if they know'd your white hands +knit 'em." + +"If there would be any added pleasure to the warmth of the socks then you +will surely teach me." + +"I'll be proud to do it; but child, I'm afeard you are making me think +too much of you. Byem-bye when you get interested in other things, you +won't care to set in my kitchen, and listen to an old-fashioned body like +me, droning away like a bee in a bottle." + +"Do you think it is necessary to trouble about something that may never +come to pass? I think I shall always enjoy hearing you talk. Listening +to you seems like watching the old-fashioned flowers nodding their heads +in the drowsy summer air. I like the rare flowers, too, with long names +and aristocratic faces; but I don't think I shall ever like them so well +as to forget the happy fancies their humble relations bring." + +"Thank you, dearie. I guess you'll allays keep a warm place in your heart +for the old-fashioned folks as well as the posies." + +"Now that we have that matter settled, suppose I begin the knitting," +I said, without any further attempt at convincing Mrs. Blake of my +unalterable regard. + +She got me the yarn and needles and I straightway proceeded to master +another of the domestic sciences. I was soon able to turn the seam, and +knit plain; but was forced to stop very often to admire my own +handicraft. However, I got on so readily that she allowed I could +undertake a child's sock. I wanted it to look pretty as well as to be +comfortable, and not fancying Mrs. Blake's homespun yarn, I started out +to the store to get some better suited to my liking. + +When I returned, Mrs. Blake exclaimed at the size of my bundle, assuring +me that it would supply me with work for months. + +"I'm surprised you wan't ashamed to carry such a big parcel," she said +admiringly. + +"It did not occur to me to be ashamed." + +"One never knows who they may meet though." + +"It was nothing to be ashamed of." + +"I s'pose not; but quality has such queer notions." + +"I do not wish to be quality if that is the case; I want to be a sensible +woman, and a useful one," I said, as I proceeded to wind my yarn from +Mrs. Blake's outstretched arms. In a short time I had the pleasure of +seeing a pretty little sock evolving itself out of the long strand of +yarn. Mrs. Blake finding me anxious to be helpful to her poor neighbors, +began unfolding histories from time to time, as I sat in her tidy +kitchen, that to me seemed to rise to the dignity of tragedies. Sometimes +I begged to accompany her to these sorrowful homes. The patience under +overwhelming sorrow that I saw at times, gave me new glimpses into the +possibilities of human endurance, and my sympathies were so wrought upon, +I set about trying to earn money myself to help alleviate their wants, +while a new field of work stretched out before me in bewildering +perspective; and sometimes I wished I too had a hundred hands, like a +second Briareus, that I might manufacture garments for half-clad women +and children. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + +MR. WINTHROP. + + +That evening, my first knitting lesson ended, on returning to Oaklands a +surprise awaited me. As I was walking briskly up the avenue towards the +house I met Hubert with Faery coming to bring me home. + +"Mr. Winthrop has come, and is inquiring very particularly where you are +in hiding, and I believe my poor mother is afraid of telling him an +untruth, for she hurried me off very unceremoniously after you," Hubert +said, as he reined up Faery for a moment's conversation. + +"You need have no fears for her; she would go to the stake rather than +tell a lie." + +"Or betray a friend," Hubert said, with a meaning smile. "Remember Mr. +Winthrop is very fastidious about his associates. Your friend Mrs. Blake, +in his eyes, has only a bare right to exist; to presume on his +friendship, or that of his ward, would be an unpardonable sin." + +"I must hasten to your mother's relief," I said, with a little scoffing +laugh. I paid very little heed just then to Hubert's remarks--later I +found he had not greatly overstated my guardian's exclusiveness. Wishing +to gain my room and make some additions to my toilet before meeting Mr. +Winthrop, I chose a side entrance, taking a circuitous path through the +shrubbery, if possible to reach the house unseen. + +The door opened into a conservatory, and I had just slipped in stealthily +when I found myself face to face with a gentleman whom I knew on the +instant was my guardian. There was such an air of proprietorship about +him, as he stood calmly surveying nature's beautiful products in leaf and +bud and blossom. He glanced down at me--possibly taking me at first for +one of the maids--then looking more keenly he bowed rather distantly. I +returned the salutation quite as coldly, and was making good my flight +when his voice arrested my steps. "Pardon me," he said, in a finely +modulated and very musical voice, "is this not Miss Selwyn?" I turned and +bowing said, "My guardian, I think." + +"I am glad we were able to recognize each other." I looked into his face. +The smile was very winning that greeted me, otherwise I thought the face, +though handsome, and unusually noble looking, was cold, and a trifle hard +in expression. + +"I am glad to welcome you to Oaklands, though late in being able to do +so. I hope you have not found it too dull?" + +"Oh no, indeed--there is so much to interest one here after city life, I +am glad at each new day that comes." + +He looked surprised at my remark, and instantly I bethought myself of the +character for fastidiousness which Hubert had given him, and resolved to +be less impulsive in expressing my feelings. + +"You must make society for yourself then in other than the human element. +I cannot think any one could rejoice, on waking in the morning, merely to +renew intercourse with our Cavendish neighbors." + +I looked up eagerly--"Then you don't care for them, either?" + +"Ah, I see it is not from your own species you draw satisfaction." + +"But you have not answered my question." + +There was a gleam of humor swept over the face I was already finding so +hard to read. + +"I am not well enough versed in Cavendish society to give a just +opinion--probably you have already drank more cups of tea with your +friends than I have done in ten years. Let me hear your verdict." + +"Our Deportment Professor assured us it was exceedingly bad form to +discuss one's acquaintance--you will please excuse me." + +I was already getting afraid of my guardian. But, from childhood, there +was a spice of fearlessness in my composition that manifested itself even +when I was most frightened. Again I glanced into his face--he was +regarding me with a peculiar intentness, as if I were some new plant +brought into the conservatory from an unknown region, and he was trying +to classify me. I could see no trace of warm, human interest in his gaze. + +"That was a rather mutinous remark to bestow so soon upon your guardian," +he said, in the same even voice. + +"I am very sorry," I murmured, now thoroughly ashamed of myself. + +"We will make a truce not again to discuss our acquaintances; but that +interesting subject eliminated from conversation, there would be a dearth +left with a goodly number of our species." + +"I do not care for the tea parties here, Mr. Winthrop. I am not +interested in the things they talk about." I said, with a sudden burst of +confidence. + +"You have broken our compact already. A woman cannot hold to a bargain, I +am informed." + +"I had not promised," I said, proudly. + +"Then I am to infer you are an exception, and would hold to your +promises, no matter how binding." + +"I am the daughter of a man; possibly I may have inherited some noble, +manly properties." My temper was getting ruffled. + +"Yes, Nature plays some curious freaks occasionally," he said in a +reflective way, as if we were discussing some scientific subject. + +"You will please excuse me. Dinner will be announced shortly, and I must +remove my wraps," I said, very politely. + +He bowed, and I gladly escaped to my own room, feeling more startled than +pleased at my first interview with Mr. Winthrop. + +The dinner bell rang, and I hastened down to be in my place at the table +before Mr. Winthrop entered. I opened the door of the pretty breakfast +parlor where dinner had been served ever since I came to Oaklands, but +the room was silent and empty. + +I turned, not very gladly to the great dining-room, which I had somehow +fancied was only used on rare occasions. Opening the door I saw the table +shining with silver and glass, while Mrs. Flaxman stood surveying the +arrangements with an anxious face. "Shall we always dine here?" I asked +anxiously. + +"Always when Mr. Winthrop is at home; our informal dinners in the cosy +breakfast-room are a thing of the past." + +"But this seems so formal and grand I shall never enjoy your delicious +dishes any more, with Hubert adding to their piquancy with his sarcasms, +and witticisms." + +"Oh, yes, dear, you will; one gets used to everything in this world, even +to planning every day for several courses at dinner," she said with a +sigh. + +"I wonder why it is necessary to go to so much trouble just for something +to eat, when it's all over in a half hour or so, and not any more +nutritious than food plainly prepared?" + +"The Winthrops have always maintained a well-equipped table. Our Mr. +Winthrop would look amazed if we set him down to one of our informal +dinners." + +"I think he would enjoy them if he once tried them," I said, as I slipped +into the place Mrs. Flaxman appointed. A few seconds after Mr. Winthrop +entered, followed immediately by Hubert who was quite metamorphosed from +the gay, scoffing youth into a steady-paced young man. As the dinner +progressed I no doubt looked my surprise at the change; but a meaning +glance at Mr. Winthrop was Hubert's mute reply. + +While Mr. Winthrop's attention was taken up with his dinner, I took the +opportunity of studying more closely this man to whom my dead father had +committed so completely the interests and belongings of his only child. +The scrutiny was, in some respects, not greatly reassuring. I had noticed +as we stood near each other in the conservatory that he was a large man, +tall, broad-shouldered and muscular. The face, though handsome, had a +cold, stern look that I felt could look at me pitilessly if I incurred +his displeasure. But there was also an expression of high, intellectual +power; an absorbed, self-contained look that seemed to set him apart from +others as one who could live independently, if necessary, of the society +of his fellow men. I should like to be his friend, was my thought, as +finding that Hubert was watching me, I turned my attention to my +neglected dinner. Mrs. Flaxman in her gentle fashion kept the +conversation from utterly flagging, although we none of us gave her much +help. Unasked she gave a pleasant account of the happenings at Oaklands, +the ongoings of his human and dumb dependents; how the Alderneys at her +suggestion had been transferred to richer pasturage, and the consequent +increase in cream; the immense crop of fruit and vegetables, so much more +than they could possibly require, and would it be best to sell the +overplus? + +"Why not give it to the poor?" I said, eagerly. + +"Would that pay, do you think?" Mr. Winthrop inquired, giving me at the +same time a curiously intent look. + +"The poor would thank you." + +"How do you know there are any?" + +"I have met a good many myself. I dare say there are others I know +nothing about." + +He turned a keen look at Mrs. Flaxman; I saw her face flush; probably he +noticed it as well as I. Then he said, quite gravely:-- + +"You shall have all the surplus for your needy acquaintances; only +you must superintend the distribution. I firmly believe in giving +philanthropists their share of the labor." + +The color flamed into my face, I could hardly repress the retort:--"Why +do you spoil the grace of your gift so ungraciously?" but I left the +words unsaid until he left the room, when I relieved my feelings much to +Hubert's amusement, who brightened greatly once the door was closed upon +him and we were alone. + +"I could like that man better than any one I know if he hadn't such a +beastly way of conferring favors. Once I get earning money I shall pay +him every cent that I have cost him," Hubert said vindictively. + +"Including Faery and the choice cigars?" his mother asked, with a sad +little smile. + +Hubert flushed. "What are they to one of his means?" + +"But if you pay him some day it will take you so much longer to pay for +them," I said, surprised he had not remembered this. + +"I can't part with Faery. Youth is such a beggarly short affair, if one +can't have pleasure then, when will they get it?" + +"I should think it was high-priced pleasure if I had to take it on those +terms." + +"You have no idea what prices men are willing to pay for what they +desire. Faery even with my means would seem a mere bagatelle to most +young fellows of my set." + +"I would really like to know what your means are," his mother said, +playfully. + +"Principally my profession, when I get it; capital health, and a world +full of work to be done by some one. I shall stand as good a chance as +any one to get my share of the world's rewards for good work +accomplished." + +"Bravo, Mr. Hubert. I only wish I was a boy so I might go to work too," +I cried. + +"Hush, the master will hear you. I told you he was fastidious about +ladies' deportment. Even the housemaids and cook catch the infection. +I certainly pity his poor ward." + +"Please do not waste pity on me; if Mr. Winthrop is not nice, I shall go +to Boston or New York and teach German in some boarding-school." + +A low, long whistle was his only reply. + +"Hubert, have you forgotten yourself? Mr. Winthrop will think we have got +demoralized." + +"Forgive me, mother mine, but Miss Selwyn astounded me. Fancy her working +for her bread." + +"And liberty," I said, merrily. + +"You have got an instalment of that already, permission to dispense the +fruit and vegetables. The work has been given as a punishment for making +acquaintance with common people." + +"That will be a pleasure; see what I am already doing for some of them." +I took my forgotten knitting work from my pocket. + +"I deeply regret I must so soon leave Oaklands. I really think you will +make things livelier here than they have been since Mr. Winthrop was a +lad. Just for one moment, mother, try to imagine his disgust when he +finds his high-bred ward knitting socks for Dan Blake's little monkeys." + +"Dan Blake has no children, Hubert," his mother said, gravely; "and I +am not going to trouble myself about what may never happen. It is not +necessary for Mr. Winthrop to know how his ward spends her spare time and +pocket money." + +"But he would as soon think of exchanging civilities with his own dumb +animals as with those folk on the Mill Road; and, yet, right under his +nose these little arrangements getting manufactured! It is carrying the +war into the enemy's camp with a vengeance." + +"Is that a specimen of your college conversation, Hubert? If so, you +might better remain at Oaklands." + +"Surely, mother; you don't expect us to talk like a sewing society or +select gathering of maiden ladies," Hubert said with some disgust. "Fancy +a lot of young fellows picking and choosing their words as if they were a +company of prigs." + +"If every word we utter continues to vibrate in the air until the final +wreck of matter, as some scientists suppose, surely we can't be too +careful of our words, my son." + +"If we believe all the nonsense those chaps who are continually meddling +with nature's secrets tell us, we should sit with shut lips and folded +hands lest we would destroy the equilibrium of the universe, or our own +destiny. There is any quantity of bosh let loose on poor, long-suffering +humanity, and labeled Science." + +"That comes with bad grace from an embryo scholar. If I were you I would +throw education 'to the dogs' and take things on trust like Thomas, or +the Mill Road people," I said, jestingly. + +"I want to know for myself; and so not get cheated by every crank who +airs his theories." + +"But, Hubert, to come back to the original dispute, if the atmosphere +does not hold our every foolish or necessary word, they are permanently +recorded in another place by a pen that never writes falsely, or misses +a single sentence. How many pages have you got written there, I wonder, +that if it were possible you would gladly obliterate with your heart's +blood one day." + +"Mother, you are worse than the scientists; at least more terrifying. Do +you know, Miss Selwyn, when I was a little chap she had me persuaded to +be a missionary to Greenland, or the South Pole. I had made up my mind to +choose the very worst possible place, so as to have all the greater +reward." + +"What has changed your mind?" + +"Natural development, I expect. Mother is a very sweet and gentle woman, +but I am sorry to say she is a crank, if there was ever one." + +"Why, Hubert, you amaze me," I said, smiling. "I thought she was as near +perfection as any one I ever knew. Excuse me expressing myself so +openly," I said, bowing to Mrs. Flaxman; "but won't you tell me what her +tendency to insanity is; for I believe cranks are a species of madmen, if +I rightly understand what the word implies." + +"Over religiosity. Why, really, she used to make me long for martyrdom +when I was a child." + +"I did not think a person could so soon outgrow early piety," I said, +dryly. + +Hubert colored and said very little more about his mother's early lessons +after that to me; but I could see that his strange indifference +respecting those subjects she held as most important of anything within +reach of humanity pained her deeply. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + +EXAMINATION. + + +Directly Mr. Winthrop had attended to matters at once claiming his +attention on his return, he began to investigate my daily avocations. I +showed him the work already accomplished, so far as it could be seen--the +knitting certainly excepted. My sketches in water colors and oils I +brought out rather timidly for his inspection. Mrs. Flaxman had told me +how severe he was in his criticisms on careless work, and possibly all +through my painting the thought what he might say of what I was doing had +a strong influence on the quality of my work. In some respects, no doubt, +it helped me to paint more carefully and copy more closely from nature; +but, on the other hand, imagination and freedom were restrained; and it +is possible I might have better satisfied him with what I had +accomplished if I had never once thought about his opinion as I worked. +As I carried them into the library that bright early autumn morning, I +felt a shrinking at submitting my pictures, in their imperfection, to +unsympathetic eyes, much as a mother might feel at bringing a deformed +child to a baby show; but I had also a measure of satisfaction, since I +could prove to my guardian that I had not been idle, when I spread before +him copies, more or less defective, of views from his own grounds. The +servants had watched them grow under my pencil and brush with an interest +almost equalling my own; and it was amusing the eagerness which even +Thomas evinced to be painted into a picture, spoiling it very much, to my +mind, by insisting on having on his Sunday clothes. + +Mr. Winthrop glanced at them with some surprise as he saw the goodly +heap; then he said: "I will only look to-day at what you have done since +coming here. Mrs. Flaxman tells me you have accomplished a good +expenditure of paint." + +"I have only brought those, sir, I did not suppose you cared to examine +my school work." + +"Some other time I may do so; but do you say all these have been done +since you came here?" He picked one up, not noticing apparently my reply, +and recognizing the view, instantly his face brightened. + +"Ah, you have shown taste in this selection; it is one of my favorite +views. I am glad you prefer nature to mere copying from another's work +which is like accepting other men's ideas, when one is capable of +originating them of one's own." He looked at it closely and for some time +in silence, then with no further word of praise he criticised it +mercilessly, while he pointed out fault after fault. I could only +acquiesce in the correctness of his criticisms, and only wondered I +should have been so blind as to permit such glaring faults to creep into +my work. Of the many scores of drawing and painting lessons I had +previously taken, not any twelve of them, to say the least, had widened +my knowledge of art as this hour spent with my guardian over that first +picture had done. I looked at him with a provoked sort of admiration, +surprised that one who knew so well how nature should be imitated, did +not, himself, attempt the task, and angry both with him and myself that I +was being subjected to such humiliation, while I listened to him as he +convinced me the picture I thought so good was a mere daub. I was wise +enough, and proud enough too, not to make any sign that I was undergoing +torture, and with stoical calmness permitted him, without a single +remonstrance, to examine every picture there, even the one containing +Thomas in his Sunday suit, as he stood surveying with idealized face, +a superb patch of cabbages. + +"Fancy has run riot with you there entirely; if the gardener were +surveying his sweetheart in the church choir he might have some such +seraphic expression, but it is utterly thrown away on those vegetables; +his face and his broadcloth coat are in perfect harmony," Mr. Winthrop +said, with even voice, as he held aloft the picture that all the other +members of his household had so greatly admired. + +"You think, then, the time spent in these has been quite wasted?" I tried +to say calmly. + +"A genuine artist, no doubt, would say without a moment's hesitation that +the paint was thrown away. As for the time, he would probably say a young +girl's time was of little consequence in any case. I am not an artist, +and do not value paint at a high figure; so I most decidedly affirm that +you made an excellent use of the paint. Labor conscientiously spent in +decorating a barn door is well employed. The door may not be much the +better, but the person who tries to improve its appearance with +painstaking care is benefited." + +"Then I may conscientiously continue decorating canvas, or at least +trying to do so." + +"I should certainly desire and advise you to do so; but instead of +covering so many, if you would take time and talent in elaborating one +picture, I would be better pleased." + +He laid the pictures to one side. "We will continue this study more +exhaustingly in the future; to-day I want to speak of other things. You +have made use of my library, Mrs. Flaxman also informs me. Will you +please tell me what books you have been reading?" + +I went to the shelves and took down the books I had spent most time over, +a good many were novels; and on these I felt certain I could pass a +fairly good examination, since I had read some of them with absorbed +interest; novels of all kinds were, for the most part, forbidden mental +food at school, and therefore, when opportunity offered, I dipped into +them with the keener avidity. But my mind was healthy enough to crave +more solid food than fiction alone, and I was glad to be able to hand my +guardian a volume or two of Carlyle's Frederick, Froude's Caesar, Motley's +Rise of the Dutch Republic, and a couple of volumes of Bancroft's History +of the United States. + +"Have you read all these since you came to Oaklands?" he asked, with +evident surprise. + +"I skipped some of the dull passages; the 'dry-as-dust' parts of which I +found a few even in Carlyle." + +"Could you stand an examination, think you, in each or any of them?" + +"I am willing to try," I said, seating myself on the opposite side of the +table with folded hands, and possibly a martyrlike air of resignation. + +"Since you are so willing we will take Froude's Caesar to-day; let me hear +you give a digest of the entire book." + +My eyes sparkled; for this was the last volume I had read, and the author +had infused into my mind a strong leaven of his own hero-worship for the +majestic Caesar. I was surprised at the ease with which I repeated chapter +after chapter of those stirring incidents, while with his stern, +inscrutable face, my guardian turned the leaves to follow me in my rapid +flight from tragedy to tragedy in those stormy times. + +He laid the book down without comment, and, glancing at the remainder of +the pile paused a moment, and then said: "I will defer the criticisms on +these to some other day. Your memory as well as vocal organs will be +fatigued." + +I meanwhile resolved to consult those books again before the further +examination should take place. + +"You have practised every day on the piano in addition to your other +work; may I ask how long a time you allowed yourself?" + +"At least an hour, sometimes when it was wet or unpleasant out of doors I +took longer time. Never more than three hours, I believe." + +"We will take an hour or two after dinner over your music, after this +once a week, we will spend a short time in reviewing what you read." + +A new anxiety seized me at this promised ordeal. I fancied examinations +and I had said good-bye forever when I left the school-room. + +"I trust you will not think me severe if I insist on thoroughness in +everything. I am wearied seeing so much good money and time wasted on +young girls! With the majority of them, once they have left their +teacher's side, all their interest in further mental culture is at an +end." + +"Some great writers say that our schooling is simply to train the mind to +work, fitting it, so to speak, with necessary tools like a well-equipped +mechanic." + +"But if the tools are never utilized, what good are they merely to lie +and rust?" + +"Who can affirm positively that they are never utilized? Even the +shallowest boarding-school Miss may carry herself more gracefully in +society than one of your usefulest women--Mrs. Blake, for instance." + +"How do you know anything about Mrs. Blake?" he asked abruptly. + +"I met her on the train when I came here and she talked some time with +me." + +"It is not usual for persons in your position to permit such liberties." + +"I thought in America all were reckoned equal." + +"You are not an American." + +"Shall I return then to Europe? I could always travel first-class, and so +be safe from vulgar intrusion." + +"Until your majority your father decided that your home was to be here +after you left school." + +"At what age do I attain my majority?" I asked eagerly. + +"Are you tired of Oaklands?" His eyes were watching me intently. + +"Never, until to day." I faltered, exceedingly frightened, but forced to +tell the truth. + +He turned over the leaves of the Caesar for a few seconds, in silence, +then he said in quite gentle tones:-- + +"You are tired; we will leave books for another day." + +I bowed, but dared not trust myself to speak lest I might reveal that my +tears were struggling to find vent, and began gathering up my sketches. +He took up a view of Oaklands over which I had lingered lovingly for a +good many hours, adding what I fondly thought were perfecting touches and +said:-- + +"I should like to keep this, if you will give it to me." + +My heart instantly grew lighter, so that I was able to say quite calmly +that he was very welcome to it. This, however, was the only compliment he +paid me for the work over which I had been expending so much time and +effort during the past few months; but I had done the work much in the +same fashion that the birds sing--from instinct. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + +MRS. LARKUM. + + +Hubert left for college before the time came around for the distribution +of our ripened fruit, and vegetables, for which fact I was very glad. I +knew the task was going to be no easy one, with Mr. Winthrop silently, +and no doubt sarcastically, watching me; and Hubert's good humored +raillery would in no wise lighten my cares. + +Mrs. Flaxman counseled me as wisely as she knew, but Mrs. Blake was my +greatest help in the matter. Mr. Winthrop had not discovered, or if he +had, did not interfere with my continued friendship for that worthy +woman; so in my present perplexities I came to her for advice and +consolation. + +She promised to notify all her poor acquaintances when they were to +come for their share of our gifts; she assured me there was already +considerable interest, as well as surprise, awakened by the expectation +of such a gathering at Oaklands. + +For several days I watched Thomas and Samuel storing away such vast +quantities of fruit and vegetables, that I concluded we could safely +stand siege for a good many months, but I ruefully determined there would +be little remaining for me to distribute. But one bright morning, just in +range with my own windows, I saw the gardener nailing up some wooden +booths, and when completed, they began to pour in great basketfuls of all +sorts of vegetables, and afterward in separate booths, apples, pears, and +plums. I slipped out before Mr. Winthrop was astir and inquired of Thomas +if these were for my Mill Road pensioners. + +"Yes, ma'am, that they are; and did I ever think I'd live to see this +day?" + +"Why, Thomas, are you not willing to share your bountiful harvest with +those who have none?" + +"Indeed I am. It's that makes me so glad this morning. I had that +good-for-nothing Sam up at four o'clock, helping me saw the boards to +build them bins to put the garden sass in. He reckoned you'd a much sight +better have been staying in them foreign parts than be giving decent +folks such bother. I give him a clip on the ear that made him howl in +earnest, I can tell you. I says to him, says I, 'Why, one would think you +was one of the aristocracy yourself to hear you talk so indifferent like +about the poor folk. There's Miss Selwyn, with full and plenty, and see +how she works for them; you'd ought to be ashamed of yourself,' I says to +him." + +"But I hope you won't punish the poor fellow on my account again--won't +you please give him a holiday soon, for getting up to work so early this +morning?" + +"I'll see about it; but he gets holidays right along; he's nothing but a +plague." + +I saw poor Sam scuttling around a large apple tree quite within hearing +of the gardener's voice, and concluded he was another instance of +listeners never hearing any good of themselves. I did very little work or +reading that day, but watched from the shelter of my window curtains the +slowly accumulating pile. Samuel, I noticed, seemed to work with unusual +cheerfulness, and even the gardener himself did not empty his basket any +oftener than his well-abused help. Mr. Winthrop passed once or twice, and +seemed to give directions. I fancied he glanced up to my window as he +stood watching them empty their baskets. At luncheon he said:-- + +"Your pensioners may come this afternoon, and carry away their produce." + +"I will let them know immediately." + +"Will you go and tell them yourself?" he asked, rather sternly. + +"I can do so with all safety; they are perfectly harmless." I gave him a +mutinous look, but my heart fluttered; for, in spite of myself, I was +very much afraid of my guardian. + +"You must not go about from house to house peddling your generosity," he +said, sarcastically. + +"It is your generosity, Mr. Winthrop," I said gravely; "besides, I do not +go to their houses at all. I have only to acquaint Mrs. Blake that your +gift is ready for distribution." + +"One of the servants will go to Mrs. Blake. You will need all your +strength to maintain the proprieties when your ragged crowd comes." + +"Have you ever seen the Mill Road people?" I asked abruptly. + +"Probably on the streets sometimes; but are they a very distinguished +looking crowd, that you ask?" + +"No, but they are human beings just like ourselves, created in God's +image as clearly as the President of these United States, and some of +them fulfilling the end for which they were made quite as acceptably, +perhaps." + +"The President would, no doubt, feel flattered to have his name so +coupled." + +"I beg your pardon, Mr. Winthrop, I had forgotten your Presidents +conquered the high position they fill, and are not born to it like mere +puppets." + +"You will compare your humble friends with European Royalties then, I +presume." + +"Oh, any one dropping into a soft nest prepared for them by others will +do just as well," I said, not very politely. + +Mrs. Flaxman looked on helplessly as she sat nervously creasing her +napkin; then with a sudden look of relief she said: "Shall I despatch +Esmerelda to the Mill Road? They will have little enough time to get all +that heap of good things carried away before night." + +Mr. Winthrop signified his willingness, and as she was leaving the room +Mrs. Flaxman, by a look, summoned me to follow her. Once outside she said +in her gentle way:--"I would not get arguing with Mr. Winthrop if I were +you. He is a good deal older, and, pardon me, a good deal wiser; and +while he never seems to lose his own temper he very easily makes others +lose theirs." + +"I will try not to," I said, very humbly, for now that my temper had +calmed I realized that I had been very foolish in saying what I did. I +went sorrowfully to my room, and, taking my knitting work, I sat down in +my easy chair where I could watch them working busily at the vegetables. +But there came so many desolate, homesick fancies to keep me company, +that pretty soon my eyes were so blinded with tears I could scarcely see +the enlivening prospect under my windows. Ashamed of my weakness I set +myself resolutely to thinking of Daniel Blake and his heavy, sad life; of +the poor barefoot children, and tired mothers on the Mill Road; and of +all the sadder hearts than mine should be, until the sultry, still air, +and monotonous click of the knitting needles overcame my heartaches, and +I went fast asleep. A knock at the door startled me. Hastily opening it, +I met Esmerelda, who had come to announce the arrival of her neighbors. + +"There's a good lot of them coming, and they look as frightened, and +foolish as so many dogs that's been caught sheep killing. I declare I +pity them." + +"Where is Mr. Winthrop?" I gasped. + +"Oh, you may be certain he's not far off; it's just death to him having +so many of them poor wretches coming around his place. I can't think why +he lets them." + +"I will be there presently, Esmerelda," I said, turning away. It was +certainly not my place to allow her to stand there gossiping about her +employer. + +I did not wait to brush my rumpled hair or bestow more than a passing +glance in the mirror, where I caught sight of a pair of wide, frightened +eyes and an unusually pale face. Mr. Winthrop was waiting for me in the +hall. In my excitement I still held in my hand the little sock I had been +knitting. He glanced at it curiously, but made no mention of it. + +"Your pensioners have come--a beggarly looking crowd." + +"Are there many?" + +"Not more than a dozen. You will have to negotiate with Thomas to get +your gifts carted home. Their baskets will hold only a tithe of what +you have to donate." + +"May I tell him to get the horses?" + +I looked up at him, I dare say, appealingly; for I felt quite overwhelmed +with care. He smiled grimly. + +"You may order all the servants to go to work--anything to get that crowd +away." + +"Don't you feel sorry for them, Mr. Winthrop?" I pleaded. "Just think how +hard it is to be poor, and to come to you with a basket for vegetables." + +"Yes, that last must be the bitterest drop in their misery," he said, +sarcastically. We were walking slowly around to the garden, but our +progress was much too swift for my courage. I would gladly have walked +the entire length of Cavendish to have escaped what had now become a very +difficult task. I resolved on one thing, however; not to be drawn into +any further conversation with Mr. Winthrop, nor allow him to entrap me in +his merciless way again. + +A bend in the garden walk brought me face to face with the Mill Road +people; the crowd consisted principally of women and boys; only a man or +two condescending to come with their baskets; or it may be they thought +the loss of a half day in the Mill would be poorly compensated by the +garden stuff they would get. Mrs. Blake was there,--a crape veil hanging +sideways from her bonnet, which I took as a mark of respect for Daniel's +wife. She carried no basket; and, from the compassionate look on her +face, I concluded she came with the hope to lighten my task, if possible. +I went directly to her, and shook her hand as cordially as if she had +been one of our bluest blooded Cavendish aristocracy. I saw her cast a +half frightened glance at Mr. Winthrop, but my fearless manner seemed to +reassure her, as she soon regained her customary coolness of demeanor. I +nodded cordially to the rest of the group who all seemed just then to be +gazing at me in a very helpless manner. I endeavored to comport myself as +the easy hostess dispensing the hospitalities of my home to a party of +welcome visitors; but with Mr. Winthrop watching my every movement I +found the task to do so herculean. The gardener stood watching the crowd +in a helpless way, apparently as uncertain what to do first as any of +them. I looked towards Mr. Winthrop; but he seemed deeply interested, +judging from his attitude and expression, in tying up a branch of an +overburdened pear tree; but he kept his face turned steadily towards me +all the time, I could not help observing. + +"What shall I do?" I whispered to Mrs. Blake. + +"Tell them to come forred and fill their baskets." + +I cleared my throat, and stepping up to the gardener said: "If you will +please come now, we will fill your baskets." + +At first no one moved; then a delicate, pretty looking woman, with +red-rimmed eyes and a baby in her arms came timidly forward. + +"What would you like best?" I asked. + +"Oh, I can't tell; they all look so good." + +"We are going to send all of this that is left around to your homes in a +wagon." + +"I might take some of these," she said, pointing longingly to the apples +and pears. The baby was stretching its pinched little arms out to them, +and cooing in a pitiful, suppressed way, as if it realized it and must be +on its good behavior. I took the little creature in my arms; its clothes +were clean, but so thin and poor, my heart ached, while I looked at them. +I gave it my watch, which it carried with all speed to its mouth; but a +soft, delicious pear which I picked from the very limb Mr. Winthrop had +been supporting, caused it to drop the watch indifferently. + +"Don't you feel sorry for this little crumb of humanity?" I impulsively +asked, forgetting too speedily my determination not to converse with +him more than was really necessary. + +"Did Madame Buhlman give you lessons in philanthropy along with drawing +and music?" + +"Oh no, indeed; but I hope God has. I don't want my heart to be a rock +like"--and then I shut my mouth and with moist eyes and flushed face +turned abruptly from him. + +I swallowed down my tears, but my heart was too sore to play any longer +with the baby, so I slipped it back into its mother's arms, who had got +her basket filled and was ready to start for home; a neighbor's lad had +come to carry it for her, and with quite a cheerful face she bade me +good-bye. The rest of my crowd had got their baskets filled, and paused +with longing eyes regarding the heaps that still remained. I made their +faces grow suddenly much brighter as, with a slight elevation of voice, I +said: "Thomas will carry the rest of these vegetables around for you with +the horses. You will please stand at your doors, and, as he drives along, +come out for it." There was a subdued murmur of thanks, and then they +started homewards. Mrs. Blake waited a few moments behind them to look +around the old place where she had spent so many days, and shook hands +with Thomas who remembered her very distinctly. + +"It's odd doings for Oaklands having yon crowd come with their baskets," +he said, grimly; "the young miss be like to turn things topsy-turvey." + +"It's high time somebody did; what kind of reckonins will folks have +bime-by, of all their riches, and overplus, and so many of their own +kind of flesh and blood going hungry and naked?" + +"Their reckonins be none in my line. I sees to the roots and posies, that +they thrive; and there my work ends." + +"Yes, posies are fed and sheltered, and little human creeturs like the +widow Larkum's there can starve for all the great folks cares. Deary me! +it's a terble onjointed sort of world; seems to me I could regilate +things better myself. Well, a good afternoon, Mr. Prime." + +"Good afternoon," Mr. Prime coldly responded. Plainly he did not enjoy +Mrs. Blake's freedom of speech. I felt my trespasses against Mr. Winthrop +were already so great I could scarcely increase them by leaving Mrs. +Blake abruptly, so I walked with her through the old gardens, where she +had many a time, no doubt, dreamed her dreams long before my spirit got +started on its long voyage through time and the eternities. I accompanied +her all the way to the gate, listening sadly while she told me for the +second time the sorrowful story of the widow Larkum, whose baby I had +just been fondling. "Ever since her man fell on the circular saw and got +killed, she's been crying more or less. Her eyes look as if they'd been +bound in turkey red; and I tell her she'll be blind soon as well as her +father; but, laws! when the tears is there, they might as well come. It's +their natur, I s'pose, to be a droppin'." + +"What is to support them?" I asked. + +"I guess the parish, but my! they dread it. I believe Mr. Bowen would be +the happiest man in town if the Lord would send his angels for him; he's +about the best Christian I ever sot eyes on." + +"I think I can help them. Does it cost very much to keep a family." + +"It depends on how they're kept. A trifle would do them. She's that +savin', the hull of 'em don't cost much more'n a hearty man." + +"I will tell, Thomas, to leave plenty of his vegetables with her; and, in +the meantime, will you please tell her that I will help to keep the wolf +from her door?" + +"Indeed, I will, and be glad to. I can do a little myself; so you won't +have all to do; and then she is right handy with her needle. My! I feel a +burden lifted already. I couldn't help frettin' as well as her, though, +she's no more to me than any other body." + +"God has given you the heart that feels another's woes. Every one don't +have that blessed gift." + +"I expect not; or if they do, it's not minded. Seems to me the master +looked none too well pleased along wi' us bein' there to-day." She +looked at me keenly; but I was not going to make my moan even to this +true-hearted friend. + +"I hope this act of kindness may leave him so happy that he will give me +leave to give away all the unused stuff I see going to waste about the +place," I said, a trifle hypocritically. + +"He's never knew what want is; and any way his heart's not over tender +naterally; but there, young women can do most anything with men folks +when they're good-lookin' and have nice ways wi' 'em. There's a sight of +difference wi' girls. Some of 'em without any trouble get right into a +man's heart, and they'll go through fire and water to please 'em; and +others may be just as good-lookin' and they have hard work to get any +man to marry 'em. I've wondered more'n a little about it, but it's a +mystery." She turned her kindly wrinkled face on me and said, "You're one +of them kind that can just wind a man round your finger, and I'm looking +for better days at Oaklands. My! but you could do lots of good, if you +got him on your side." + +"Oh, Mrs. Blake, you don't know anything about it, but you are to be +disappointed I am sure. But I can do something without any one's help. +Good-bye." + +She took my hand, holding it for some time in silence; then she said +softly: "Dear; you can get into other folk's hearts beside the men's." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + +AN EVENING WALK. + + +Thomas got his garden stuff distributed satisfactorily. "It would done +your heart good to see how pleased the Larkums was over their share: I +give 'em good measure, I tell you," he informed me that evening, as I +made an errand to the stables in order to interview him. + +"That Mr. Bowen, her blind father, he come out too, and I've not got +better pay for anything for years than what he give me," Thomas continued +solemnly. + +"What did he give, you?" I asked. + +"Well I can't just go over his words, but it minded me of the blessing +the preacher says over us before we go out of church, only this was all +just for you and me." + +"You have found to-day that it is more blessed to give than to receive." + +"That Mrs. Blake wan't far astray; but there, I wouldn't let on to the +likes of her that Mr. Winthrop might do more for them. Anyway there's no +one gives more for the poor in the parish, nor anything nigh as much; +only its taxes, and one don't get credit for them." + +"It is only for want of thought, Thomas. He has never been among the +poor, to see their wants and sufferings." + +"But what makes you think, and the rest all forget?" + +"I expect it is because my memory is better. I could always remember my +lessons at school better than the most of the pupils." + +"Ah, Miss, there's more than the memory. I wish there was more rich folks +like you; it would be a better world for the poor." + +His words startled me, the thought had never before occurred to me that +I might be rich. I went to my room, and, with more than my usual care, +dressed for dinner. Compared with Esmerelda's, my gowns were getting +shabby, and old-fashioned; and I concluded if I had means of my +own, it was time to treat myself charitably as well as my poor +acquaintances. The dinner bell rang at last, and I went down with some +trepidation to meet my guardian. My conscience confronted me with my +repeated words of insubordination during the day, commanding me to +apologize for my rudeness; but instinct with a stronger voice counselled +silence. As we took our seats at dinner, Mrs. Flaxman, I thought, with a +worried expression was furtively regarding us; but she kept silent. With +a good-humored smile Mr. Winthrop turned to me, saying: "Your crowd did +not fall to quarrelling over the spoil, I hope." + +"I wish you could have seen how good-humored they were on leaving. I +think they would have talked above their breath only they were afraid." + +"You did not strike me as looking particularly formidable. Indeed, I +quite pitied you; for you seemed the most frightened, nervous one in the +lot." + +"They were not afraid of me. Even the widow Larkum's baby cooed softly +until you were out of sight." + +"It must be a child of amazing intelligence." + +Mrs. Flaxman, looking more anxious than ever interjected a remark, not +very relevantly, about the prospect of our early winter; but Mr. Winthrop +allowed her remark to fall unheeded. + +"You seem particularly interested in that tender-eyed widow and her +infant. Is it long since you made their acquaintance?" + +"I cannot say that I am even now acquainted with her." I answered +politely. + +"I should judge you had a weakness for widows. Mrs. Blake seems on very +cordial terms with you." + +"I would take just as much interest in your widow, Mr. Winthrop, if she +was poor and sorrowful. The wheel of fortune may make a revolution some +day, and give me the opportunity." + +He really seemed to enjoy the retort which fell uncontrollably from my +lips. + +"Allow me to thank you beforehand for your kind offices to that afflicted +individual; though the prospect for their being required is not very good +at present." + +"Mrs. Fleming has sent invitations for a garden-party," Mrs. Flaxman +interposed desperately. "I think Mr. Winthrop had better permit you to go +to New York for some additions to your toilet." + +"I will accompany her myself; she might get entangled with widowers on +her next trip." + +"Not if they are as provoking as the unmarried," I murmured below my +breath; but he seemed to catch my meaning. + +"They understand the art of pleasing your sex amazingly. I believe you +would find them more fascinating than Mrs. Blake, or your new friend, +the widow Larkum." + +I felt too sorrowful to reply, and my temper had quite expended itself. +I waited until he arose from the table and then followed him into the +library. He looked surprised, but very politely handed me a chair. I +bowed my thanks, but did not sit down; I stood opposite him with only +the study table between us. I was nervous, and half afraid to ask my +question, but summoning all my courage I broke the silence by +saying:--"Mr. Winthrop, will you please tell me if I am rich or poor?"' + +"That is a comparative question," he answered with provoking coolness. +"Compared with Jay Gould or Vanderbilt, I should say your means were +limited; but, on the other hand, to measure your riches with your widowed +friends, most persons would allow your circumstances to be affluent." + +"But have I any money left after my board and other expenses are paid?" + +He smiled sarcastically. "I do not take boarders; it has never been our +custom at Oaklands." + +I was getting angry and retorted:--"I shall not eat any man's bread +without paying for it, if he were a hundred times my guardian." + +"But if you had no money wherewith to pay him; what then?" + +"I have an education; with that surely I can earn my living as well as +Esmerelda. My knowledge of French and German will help me to a situation, +if nothing else." + +"If I say you must not leave here; that I will not permit my ward to work +for her living?" he questioned. + +"If I resolve to be independent, and earn something beside, to help the +poor, can you compel me to a life of ease and uselessness?" + +"Ah, I see what is troubling you--the widows are on your mind. A gracious +desire to help them has caused this mercenary fit. I am glad to inform +you that there is a snug sum lying at your bankers in your name. When you +come of age you will know the exact amount." + +"You will pay for my board and expenses out of it," I said, rather +incoherently; "and then, if there is any left, may I have it to lay out +as I choose?" + +"I do not care to assume the role of a hotel-keeper, so we will +compromise matters. You can name whatever sum you choose for your board, +and I will give it to you in quarterly instalments for your pensioners." + +I was silent for a few moments, perplexed to know what answer to give. If +he were to take from my own income the sum I might mention if I accepted +his terms, would I not still be a debtor to his hospitality? I spoke at +last, knowing that his eyes were reading my face. "Could I not first pay +you all that I really cost you, and then if there was any money left, +have that to expend just as I choose?" + +"I have hitherto allowed you a certain sum for pocket money. I limited +the supply, because, as a school-girl, I believed too much would be an +injury. Since, however, you are now a young lady grown and gifted with +highly benevolent instincts, I will increase your spending money to any +reasonable sum you may name." + +"Will it be my own money?" + +"Certainly; I shall not exercise the slightest supervision over the way +you spend it, so long as your Mill Road friends do not get quarreling +over the division of it." + +"You do not understand my meaning. Will it be the money my father left +me?" + +"I cannot promise it will be just the same. No doubt that has passed +through scores of hands since then; in fact, it may be lying in the +bottom of the sea. I did not expect you would be so exact in money +matters, or I might have been more careful." + +"Mr. Winthrop, why do you so persistently misconstrue my meaning?" I +said, desperately. He looked down more gently from his superior height +into my troubled face, and the mocking gleam faded from his eyes. + +"Why are you so scrupulously, ridiculously insistent in maintaining such +perfect independence? Can you not believe I get well paid for all you +cost me, if we descend to the vulgarity of dollars and cents, in having +a bright, original young creature about the house with a fiery, +independent, nature, ready to fight with her rich friends for the sake +of her poor ones?" + +"I wish we could be friendly, Mr. Winthrop," I half sobbed, with an +impulsive gesture stretching out my hands, but remembering myself, as +quickly I drew them back, and without waiting for a reply fled from the +room. Once in the hall I took down my hat from the rack and slipped out +into the night, my pulses throbbing feverishly, and with difficulty +repressing the longing to find relief in a burst of tears. The short +twilight had quite faded away into starlight, but the autumn air was +still warm enough to permit a stroll after nightfall. When I grew calm +enough to notice whither my feet had strayed, I found myself on the Mill +Road. Instinctively I felt I should not go so far from home in the +darkness unattended; but I was naturally courageous as well as +unconventional, and the desire was strong on me to tell Mrs. Blake my +good news. I got on safely until Daniel Blake's light was in sight, when, +just before me, I heard rough voices talking and laughing. I turned and +was about fleeing for home, when a similar crowd seemed to have sprung +up, as if by magic, just behind me. In my terror I attempted to climb a +fence, but fence-climbing was a new accomplishment, and in my ignorance +and fright, I dragged myself to the top rail and then fell over in a +nerveless heap on the other side. The crowd were too self-absorbed to +notice the crouching figure divided from them by a slight rail fence, and +went shouting on their way until stopped by the other crowd. I waited +until they had got to a safe distance, when I arose and sped swiftly +along over the damp grass until another fence intercepted my progress; +when fortunately I remembered that just beyond this fence was a low +marshy field, with deep pools of water. By some means I again got over +the fence, bruising my fingers in the effort. The voices were growing +fainter in the distance, and now with calmer pulses, I proceeded on my +way to the Blakes'. But a new alarm awaited me; for I recollected Daniel +would be at home now, and Tiger, his constant companion, would be +somewhere in his vicinity. The dog was a huge creature, capable of +tearing me to pieces in a very short time if he was so inclined. Folding +my arms tightly in the skirt of my dress, I presently heard Tiger +approaching, giving an occasional savage growl. I called him to me with +as much simulated affection in the tones of my voice as I could command, +and walked straight for the kitchen door. I put my hand on the latch, not +daring to hesitate long enough to knock, when he caught my sleeve in his +teeth. Half beside myself with terror, I called to Mrs. Blake, and in a +second or two the door opened and Daniel was peering out curiously into +my white face. The light from the lamp in his hand shone full on the dog +holding my sleeve in his white, long teeth. Daniel's slow brain scarce +took in the situation, but his mother, who sat where she could look +directly at us, caught up the tongs and gave Tiger a blow he probably +remembered to his dying day. He dropped my dress and slunk silently away +into the darkness. Instantly I felt sorry for him. "Won't you call him +back," I cried. "He thought he was doing his duty, and he took care not +to put his teeth in my arm." + +"It seems to me your heart is a leetle too tender of the brute; he might +have skeered you to death," Daniel said, as he went out after his dog to +see how heavy damage the tongs had inflicted. + +"I should not have come here so late; it was I and not the dog who was to +blame," I gasped, as I sank into Mrs. Blake's rocking-chair. + +"I've wanted Daniel to put the critter away; he's been offered fifty +dollars for him, but he's kind of lonesome, and refuses the offer." + +Mrs. Blake was looking at me closely. I knew she was curious to know what +brought me there at that unusual hour, so I hastened to explain, and +asking her would she go with me to the Widow Larkum's while I told her of +the help I expected to afford, and also of my mishaps on the way there. + +"Not to-night, dearie. These roads ain't none too safe after night for +women folks. It's a mercy you tumbled over the fence. My! what would +Mr. Winthrop say if he knowed?" she questioned solemnly. + +"But he will never know, if I can get back safely." + +"Dan'el and me'll go with you, and take Tiger and the lantern. They're +all afraid of the dog, if I haven't lamed him." + +She went to the door and called Daniel. He came in presently, with Tiger +limping after him. + +"You give him an unmerciful blow; a leetle more and he'd never barked +again." + +"Bring him in and I'll give him a bone and rub the sore place with +liniment." + +"Let me feed him," I begged. "I want to make friends with him." + +"You'd best not put your hands on him. He don't make free with +strangers." + +I took the bone; to my regret it was picked nearly bare, and I idly +resolved Tiger should have a good solid dinner the next day, if he and +I survived the mishaps of the night. + +"Poor fellow! I am very, very sorry I have caused you so much pain," I +said, giving him the bone and patting his huge head fearlessly. + +"Look out!" Daniel said, warningly. + +"You needn't be afeard," his mother said. "Tiger knows quality." + +Whether he was as knowing in this respect as she asserted, he gnawed his +bone and let me stroke his shaggy coat, while Mrs. Blake bathed his +bruised back. + +"There, he'll be all right now in no time; and Dan'el, you get the +lantern and we'll go back to Oaklands with Miss Selwyn." + +Daniel got up wearily, and did as his mother bade. After his hard day's +work in the mill he would willingly, no doubt, have been excused +escorting damsels in distress to their homes. + +Mrs. Blake soon came out of her room with her bonnet and shawl on--the +former one without a veil, which she excused on the ground that dew took +the stiffening out of crape--"Leastways," she added, "the kind I wear." +Tiger followed us, and more in mercy to him than the tired Daniel, I +insisted on going home alone once we had got beyond the precincts of the +Mill Road. I met with no further adventure, and reached my own room in +safety, fondly hoping no one in the house was aware of my evening's +ramble, and one that I determined should never be repeated. My cheeks +burned even after my light was extinguished, and my head throbbed on the +pillow at Mr. Winthrop's biting sarcasm if he knew the risk I had just +run from bipeds and quadrupeds, with Daniel Blake, his mother and dog as +body-guard past the danger of Mill Road ruffianism. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + +A HELPING HAND. + + +The following morning I went down to breakfast with some trepidation, and +feeling very much like a culprit. Mrs. Flaxman came into the room first, +and in her mild, incurious fashion said: "We were hunting for you last +evening. Mr. Winthrop wished to see you about something." + +I did not reply, neither did she inquire where I had bestowed myself out +of reach of their voices. I felt certain Mr. Winthrop's curiosity would +be more insistent, and was quite right in my conjectures. He came in as +usual, just on the minute, and seating himself, went through with the +formality of grace; but before our plates were served, he turned to me +and rather sternly said: "Are you in the habit of going out for solitary +night rambles?" + +"I never did but once," I faltered, too proudly honest to give an evasive +answer. + +"That once, I presume, occurred last night?" + +"Yes." + +"Strictly speaking, it wanted just five minutes to nine when you slipped +stealthily into the side entrance." + +I sat, culprit-like, in silence, while his eyes were watching me closely. + +"Don't you think two hours a long time to be loitering about the garden +in the dark?" + +"You must not be too hard on Medoline," Mrs. Flaxman interposed. "It is +an instinct with young folk to stray under the starlight and dream their +dreams. No doubt we both have been guilty of doing it in our time." I +flashed Mrs. Flaxman a look of gratitude, and wondered at the naive way +she counted Mr. Winthrop with herself, as if he too had arrived at staid +middle-agehood. + +"Dreaming under stars and wandering around in attendance on widows are +two very different occupations," he said, quietly, and without a break in +his voice asked Mrs. Flaxman what he should help her to. I swallowed my +breakfast--what little I could eat--with the feeling that possibly each +succeeding mouthful might choke me; but full hearts do not usually prove +fatal, even at meal time. + +I arose from the table as soon as Mr. Winthrop laid down his napkin, and +was hastening from the room when I heard him move back his chair; and, +swift as were my movements, he was in the hall before I had reached the +topmost step of the staircase. + +"Just one more word, please," I heard him say. I turned around, resolved +to take the remainder of my lecture from a position where I could look +down on him. He held out a parcel, saying: "Will you come and get this, +or shall I carry it to you?" + +I descended without replying, and held out my hand for the roll. He took +hold of my hand instead. The firm, strong grasp comforted me, though I +expected a severer lecture than I had ever received before in all my +life. I looked up at him through tear-filled eyes when he said, in a +strangely gentle voice for the circumstances: + +"I saw you coming along the Mill Road last night with the Blakes and +their lantern. Why were you there so late?" + +"I wanted so much to tell the widow Larkum I was in a position now to +help her." + +He was silent for awhile; then he said: + +"I am glad you did not try to mislead me at the breakfast-table. I could +not easily have forgiven such an act. Next to purity, I admire perfect +truth in your sex." + +"Mr. Winthrop, you will believe me that I never went out of our own +grounds after night before alone, and I never will, if I live for a +hundred years." + +"Pray do not make rash promises. I only claim obedience to my wishes +until you are of age. I will accept your word until that date, and shall +not go in search of you along the Mill Road, or any other disreputable +portion of the town again. Your mother's daughter can be trusted." + +I tried to withdraw my hand, in order to escape with my tear-stained face +to my own room, quite forgetting the parcel I had come down the stairway +for. + +"We start for New York this afternoon. Mrs. Flaxman accompanies us. She +will be congenial society for you, having been a widow for nearly a score +of years." + +"I do not care particularly for widows. It is the poor and desolate I +pity." + +"Well, here is the first instalment of widows' money. I give it to you +quarterly, purely from benevolent motives." + +"Why so?" I asked, curiously. + +"If you received it all at once Mill Road would be resplendent with crape +and cheap jewelry." + +"I suppose I must thank you," I said, hotly; "but the manner of the +giving takes away all the grace of the gift." + +"You express yourself a trifle obscurely, but I think I comprehend your +meaning," he said, without change of voice. If I could have seen his eyes +flash, or his imperturbable calm disturbed, my own anger would have been +less keen. + +"May I go now?" I presently asked, quite subdued; for he had fallen into +a brown study, and was still holding my hand. + +"Yes, I had forgotten," he said, turning away, and a moment after entered +the library and shut the door. I went in search of Mrs. Flaxman, whom I +found still in the breakfast-room, and in a rather nervous condition, +busy about the china, which she rarely permitted the servant to wash. + +"Shall we stay long in New York?" I asked, very cheerfully, the fifty +dollars I held in my hand, and the easy way I had got off with Mr. +Winthrop, making me quite elated. + +"One can never tell. Mr. Winthrop is very uncertain; we may return in a +day or two, or we may stay a fortnight." + +"You are not anxious to go?" I questioned, seeing her troubled face. + +"Not just now, in the height of the pickling and preserving season. +Reynolds has excellent judgment, but I prefer looking after such things +myself." + +She looked wistfully at me while she dried her china. "May I help you, +Mrs. Flaxman? It never occurred to me before that I might share your +burdens. I should learn to have cares, as well as others." + +"I always like to have you with me, dear. Sometimes I try to make myself +believe God has given you to me, instead of my own little Medoline." + +"Had you a daughter once?" + +"Yes; and, like yourself, named after your own dear mother." + +"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, and you never told me. Was she grown up like me?" + +"She was only six years old when she died, just a month after her father; +but the greater grief benumbed me so I scarce realized my second loss +until months afterward." + +"Is it so terrible, then, to lose one's husband?" + +"It depends greatly on the husband." + +"The widow Larkum cries constantly after hers, but he was bread-winner, +too. A hungry grief must be a double one." + +"Did Mr. Winthrop say anything further to you about being out last +night?" + +"A little," I replied, with scarlet cheeks; "but he will never do so +again. I shall not give him cause to reprove me." + +"That is the most lady-like course. You are no longer a little girl, or a +school-girl either." + +I wiped my plates in silence, but my mortification was none the less +intense. I realized then, more keenly than ever, that I must preserve the +proprieties, and confine myself to the restrictions of polite society. +The breezy, unconventional freedom Mrs. Flaxman had for those few months +permitted me had been so keenly enjoyed. I fretted uneasily at the forms, +and ceremonies of artificial life, while the aboriginal instincts, which +every free heart hides away somewhere in its depths, had been permitted +too full development. + +The china cleansed, and put away, I stood surveying the shining pieces +that comprised our breakfast equipage, and like the tired clock in the +fable, thought wearily of the many hundred times Mrs. Flaxman had washed +those dishes; of the many thousand times they, or others, would go +through the same operation, until Mrs. Winthrop's sands of time had all +run out, and Oaklands gone to decay, or passed into other hands. + +"Isn't it tiresome work washing dishes--the same yesterday, to-day and +fifty years hence? I wish I had been created a man; they don't have such +sameness in their work." + +"Are you sure, dear? Fancy a bookkeeper's lot, or a clerk's reckoning up +columns of figures so like there is not a particle of variety; not a new +or thrilling idea in all their round of work from January to December, +unless we except a column that won't come right. That may have a thrill +in it now and then, but certainly not a joyous one. After we return from +New York, if you pay attention to a clerk's work in the stores we visit, +you will acknowledge a lady's household tasks delightful in comparison. +The farmer's life has the most variety, and comes nearest to elementary +things and nature's great throbbing vitals; but as a rule they are a +dissatisfied lot, and unreasonably so, I think." + +"Come to look at things generally, it's a very unsatisfactory sort of +world, anyway. I think it's affairs might just as well get wound up as +not. There have been plenty of one variety of beings created, I should +think, to fill up lots of room in the starry spaces, and there are so +many to suffer forever." + +"It is hardly reverent, dear, for us to criticise God's plans. It is His +world, and we are His creatures; and we may all be happy in Him here, and +there be happy with Him forever. Besides, life does not seem monotonous +when we are doing His will." + +"But I know so few who are doing His will save you, and that poor blind +Mr. Bowen. I read my Bible every day, and sometimes I get thinking over +its words, and I reckon there will only be one here and there fit to +enter Heaven. All our friends nearly would be terribly out of place to be +suddenly transplanted to the Heavenly gardens. What could they talk about +to the shining ones? The fashions, and social gossips, and fancy work and +amusements would all be tabooed subjects there, I expect." + +"You do not know many people yet. I thank God there are thousands longing +to serve Him. I think, dear, you must have a touch of dyspepsia this +morning; your thoughts are so morbid." + +"Oh no, indeed; I am quite well. But shall we see any of those people you +describe in New York?" + +"If we stay long enough, doubtless we shall. I have a few rare friends +there whose friendship often gives me the feeling of possessing unlimited +riches." + +"I wish I had such friends," I exclaimed, with sudden longing. "You and +the Mill Road folk are the only ones I have on this side the ocean, and +the most I care much for on the other already think in another language +from mine." + +"Yours will not be a friendless life, I feel certain. I see elements in +your impulsive nature that must attract those who love the true and +unselfish." + +"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, what a delicious compliment to give me, just when I +was most discouraged about myself! Mr. Winthrop finds me such a nuisance, +and all your pretty and elegant lady friends I know care so little for me +that I can't but believe that I am a poor specimen, although you speak so +kindly." + +"You will be wise to learn the art of not thinking much about your +merits. I find these the happiest lives who live most outside of self; +and they are the most helpful to others." + +"But we have mainly to do with ourselves. How can we help wondering if +our particular barque on the voyage of life is to be a success or not?" + +"It lies with ourselves whether it is or no." + +"But persons like Mrs. Larkum and the Blakes, how can they have a +successful voyage, when they are so poor and lowly?" + +"You must get the thought out of your mind that being poor and humble +makes any difference in God's sight. When Christ visited our planet his +position was as lowly as the Blakes; his purse as empty as the widow +Larkum's. We are such slow creatures to learn that character itself is +the only greatness in God's sight. Our ancestry and rent roll are the +small dust of the balance with Him." + +"But Mr. Winthrop thinks most of those things--the ancestry and wealth." + +"We must not sit in judgment on any one's thoughts, and we must not take +any man's gauge of character in the abstract as the correct one; only +take the word of God." + +I went out into the sunshine to think over Mrs. Flaxman's little lecture; +a good deal comforted with the reflection that Mrs. Blake might have more +weight in the balances of Heaven than I had thought. The garden was +looking very shabby--its splendid midsummer glory had only a few flowers +left to show what had been there, and these only the thick-petaled, +substantial blossoms as free from perfume as the products of the +vegetable garden. I grew melancholy. A premonition of my own sure coming +autumn season, towards the end of life, was forecasting its cold shadow +over the intervening years which made the November sunshine grow dim; and +I gladly re-entered the house. I went very meekly to the library-door and +tapped. Quite a long pause, and then I heard my guardian's study door +which opened into the library, shut; and a second after he stood before +me. I thought he gave me a surprised glance, since it was only the second +time I had come into his presence there unsummoned. + +"May I take some of the money you gave me this morning to Mrs. Larkum, +before I leave for New York?" + +"If you have time. Usually it takes ladies some hours to prepare for a +journey such as you have before you to-day." + +"I am sorry to say I am not a regulation lady. I can get ready in half an +hour." + +"That is a quality in your sex that will cover a multitude of sins." + +"I am glad you have at last found something good in me," I said, +sorrowfully. + +"You must not personally apply every generalization your friends may make +in their conversation." + +"Then you give me permission to go?" + +"It strikes me you are rushing to the other extreme. I have never +interfered with your rambles, except at unseemly hours. Mill Road at +mid-day is quite safe for the most unconventional young lady in +Cavendish." + +I bowed my thanks, and turning away heard the library door shut. I could +fancy the expression on my guardian's face as he returned to his books. +But, as I put on my wraps, my heart grew lighter although Mr. Winthrop's +last observation made me wince. I took a crisp ten dollar bill. Surely, I +reflected, that could not be a dangerous sum to entrust the widow with, +considering that she had a helpless father, and half-clad children to +look after. I took the kitchen on my way and begged a generous slice of +meat from the cook to carry to Tiger. + +"Most like they'll have their own dinner off it first; they'll think +it a sin to give such meat to a dog," I heard her mutter as I left the +kitchen. On my way I met Emily Fleming and Belle Wallace. They laughingly +inquired where I was going with my bundles; but I assured them it was an +errand of mercy, and could not therefore be explained. Miss Emily's plump +features and bright black eyes took a slightly contemptuous expression as +she assured us I was rapidly developing into a Sister of Charity. + +"Better be that than an idler altogether like the rest of us," the more +gentle natured Belle responded. + +"If you are getting into a controversy I will continue my journey," I +said, nodding them a pleasant good morning and going cheerfully on my +way, thinking of Tiger's prospective gratification, coupled with that of +the widow Larkums. + +Going first to the Blakes, I found Tiger stretched out on the doorstep. +He wagged his tail appreciatively, but did not growl as I stroked his +shaggy coat. + +Examining him by daylight, I saw that he was a fine specimen of his +species. Daniel explained to me afterward that he was a cross between a +St. Bernard and Newfoundland--a royal ancestry, truly, for any canine, +and unlike human off-shoots from the best genealogical trees, quite sure +of inheriting the finest qualities of his ancestors. I went into the +house, the dog limping after me. Mrs. Blake heard my voice and came in in +some alarm. She looked surprised to see me sitting by the table with +Tiger's massive head in my lap, while I unrolled the meat. She also stood +watching, and when the juicy steak was revealed, her own eyes brightened +as well as Tiger's. "I haven't seen such a piece of meat in many a day. +It minds me so of Oaklands." + +"I got it from cook for Tiger," I explained. "It is clean--perhaps you +would like a few slices off it." + +"I would, indeed. Its a shame to give a brute such victuals." + +"Poor Tiger, he deserves something good, after the way he was punished on +my account." She brought a knife and plate saying: "We can share wi' each +other; I don't want to rob even a dog of his rights." I turned the meat +over and found a bone which I cut off and gave him, and then, giving the +remainder to her to put out of Tiger's way, I stipulated that he was to +have all the scraps that were left. Then I informed her of my gift from +Mr. Winthrop, or rather loan, and of the sum I purposed giving Mrs. +Larkum. + +"Did Mr. Winthrop give you all that money for poor folks?" she asked +incredulously. + +"Yes." + +"Well, I've heard he never give anything except through the town council. +I've heard he was uncommon free in that way. But, laws! I reckoned the +first time I seen you that you'd be able afore long to wind him around +your finger. Fine manners and a handsome face, with a good heart, soon +thaws out a bachelor heart." + +"You were never more mistaken in your life, Mrs. Blake." + +"May be so," she said, as if quite unconvinced. + +I turned the conversation rather abruptly:-- + +"Will ten dollars be too much to entrust Mrs. Larkum with at once?" + +"Dear heart, you might give her fifty, if you had it. She'd be jest as +saving of it as--well as I'd be myself, and I call myself next door to +stingy." + +"I am so glad; one likes to know the most will be made of what they +give." + +"If you don't mind, I'll put on my shawl and go with you." + +"I was going to ask you to do so." + +"I'll jest set on the pot for Dan'el's dinner first. Twelve o'clock soon +comes these short days." Mrs. Blake threw a faded woolen shawl over her +head, and taking a short path across the field we started for Mrs. +Larkum's, Tiger limping after us. + +I thought Mrs. Blake's snug kitchen quite a nest of comfort after I had +taken a survey of the Larkum's abode. + +One roughly plastered room with two little closets at one side for +bedrooms had to serve for home for five souls. + +I felt a curious, smothered sensation at first, as I looked on the +desolate surroundings--the pale, sad-faced mother, the blind grandfather, +and ragged children. A dull fire was smouldering in the cooking stove, +and beside it sat the grandfather, the baby on his knee, vainly trying to +extract consolation from its own puny fist. As I looked at him closely I +saw that Mr. Bowen had an unusually fine face--not old looking, but +strangely subdued, and chastened. I fancied from his countenance, at once +serene and noble, that he had beautiful thoughts there in the darkness +and poverty of his surroundings. Mrs. Larkum was mending a child's torn +frock, her eyes as red and swollen as ever. Her face brightened, however, +when we went in. Mrs. Blake assured me afterward it would be better than +medicine to them having one of the quality sit down in their house, I +took the baby from its grandfather, and soon the little one was cooing +contentedly in my arms, getting its fingers and face nicely smeared with +the candies I had brought it. I divided the supply with the two other +little ones--the eldest going direct to his grandfather, and dividing his +share with him. I noticed that the gift was thankfully received, but +placed securely in his pocket; no doubt to be brought out a little later, +and divided with the others. I glanced at the blind man's clothing. Clean +it certainly was; in this respect corresponding with everything I saw in +the house; but oh, so sadly darned, and threadbare. Still, he seemed like +a gentleman, and I fancied he shrank painfully within himself as if one's +presence made him ill at ease. I resolved to say very little to him on +this first visit, but later on try to find the key to his heart. I +contented myself with the use of my eyes, and playing with the baby, +leaving the two widows to indulge in a few sighs and tears together. My +own tears do not come very readily, and it makes me feel cold hearted to +sit dry-eyed while other eyes are wet. As I sat quietly absorbing the +spirit of the place, my eyes rested on a shelf containing the few cheap +dishes that served their daily food. Instantly the desolate fancies I had +a few hours before indulged came forcibly to mind. I thought what would +it be to cleanse the remains of meagre repasts from these coarse cups, +and plates, through days and years, with no glad hopes or joyous fancies +to lighten the toil! I was growing desolate hearted myself, and concluded +my widowed friend had sighed and wept long enough; so returning the +little charge to its grandfather, I went to Mrs. Larkum's side, and +slipped the note into her hand, at the same time saying good-bye, and +motioned to Mrs. Blake to come home. She arose very reluctantly, being +unwilling to miss her friend's surprise and satisfaction. I too was +constrained to look at her as she unfolded the note. A flush swept over +her face as she saw the number, and handing it back to me, she said:-- + +"You have made a mistake, and given me the wrong bill." + +"Oh no, indeed. I got it on purpose for you." + +"But it is ten dollars. Surely you did not mean that." + +"Mrs. Blake said you would know how to lay out fifty very wisely," I +said, with, a smile. + +Her tears, always so convenient, began to flow afresh. Turning to her +father she said with a sob, "Father, your prayers are getting answered. +The Lord, I believe, will provide." + +I saw him gather the baby close to his heart, and then with a gesture of +self command he seemed with difficulty to restrain his own emotion. "The +Lord reward the giver," he murmured in a low voice; but some way it gave +me the feeling that I had suddenly received some precious gift. + +"When that is gone I shall have some more for you," I promised. + +"Oh, before all this is used up, I must try to get earning myself. But +this, with all those vegetables you gave me yesterday, will give me +such a start. I will buy a whole barrel of flour, it spends so much +better--and get some coals laid in for winter. They are the heaviest +expense." + +"Yes," I said, impulsively, "and flannels for the children. It will be so +much better than crape." + +"Crape!" she ejaculated. "I don't need crape for my husband. I have too +much mourning in my heart to put any on outside." + +I meant some day, when I felt pretty courageous, to repeat her words to +Mr. Winthrop. Once outside, I found the glorious expansion of sky and +horizon very grateful after the narrow limits of the little cottage. At +luncheon Mr. Winthrop asked if I had paid my visit yet to Mill Road. I +acknowledged, with a slight crimsoning of cheek, that I had conveyed to +Mrs. Larkum a small sum of money. + +"No doubt she will have a crape weeper as long as the widow Blake's." + +"I did not think you noticed the trivialities of women's attire so +minutely." + +"I do not as a rule; but in the case of your intimate friends, it is +natural I should endeavor to discover their especial charms." + +"Mrs. Larkum said she was going to lay out the money I gave her chiefly +in flour and coals. I suggested flannel would be much better also to buy +than crape. She said she had no need to put on mourning; she already wore +it in her heart." + +"She is a very sensible woman," my guardian replied. + +Then I described, as minutely as I could and with all the pathos I could +command, the grim surroundings of this poor family--the grandfather, with +his serene, sightless face and strangely deep trust in Providence; the +clean, but faded, worn garments they all had on--not one of them, +apparently, possessed of a decent suit of clothes; and then their horror +of help from the town. Mrs. Flaxman wiped her eyes sympathetically when I +repeated the grateful words my gift had evoked, and said with trembling +voice: "It just seems as if the Lord sent you there, Medoline." + +"Do you think the Ruler of this vast universe has leisure or inclination +to turn his gaze on such trivialities? No doubt suns and systems are +still being sent out completed on their limitless circles. To conceive +their Creator turning from such high efforts to send Medoline with a ten +dollar bill to the Larkums, to my mind borders on profanity," Mr. +Winthrop said, with evident disgust. + +"The infinitely great and infinitely small alike receive His care. +Perhaps it required stronger power from God to make you give me the money +and then to make me willing to carry it to them, than it does to create a +whole cluster of suns and planets. I think our wills limit God's power +more than anything he ever created, except Satan and his angels." + +"You are quite a full-fledged theologian, little one. I am surprised you +do not engage more heartily in home mission work." + +"I must first learn to show more patience at home." + +He did not make any reply; but as we were speeding on our way that +afternoon in the cars, he came to my side and handed me a small roll of +bills. + +"Would you like to buy that widower friend of yours a warm suit of +clothes for the winter? Mrs. Flaxman will show you a suitable furnishing +establishment. Philanthropists must do all sorts of things, as you will +find." + +"You are very kind after all, Mr. Winthrop. I wish I could tell you how +grateful I am. Please forgive all my rude speeches--I hope I will never +get provoked with you again." + +"I most certainly hope you will. A little spice adds greatly to the +flavor of one's daily food." + +He walked away; and first counting my gift, I found, to my surprise, that +it amounted to fifty dollars. I opened my little velvet satchel--my +traveling companion for many a weary mile--and laid it safely in one of +the pockets. I had plenty of leisure that afternoon for fancy to paint +all sorts of pictures. Mr. Winthrop was at the farther end of the car, +with a group of friends he had met; and Mrs. Flaxman, a nervous traveler +at the best, was trying to forget the discomforts of travel as she sat +with her easy-chair wheeled into a sheltered corner, sleeping as much as +possible. I watched the rapidly disappearing views from my windows, some +of them causing pleasant thoughts, and sometimes re-touching memories so +remote they seemed like experiences of another existence, which my soul +had known before it came under its present limitations. There were +cottages that we flew past, reminding me of the Larkum abode; these I +kept wearily peopling with white, sightless faces, and hungry, sad-faced +women and children. + +When at last my own thoughts were beginning to consume me, Mr. Winthrop +came and sat near me. + +"Is a journey in the cars equal to an hour spent with your widows?" he +asked. + +"I have enjoyed the drive. One sees so much that is new, and is food for +thought, only the mind gets wearied with such swift variety." + +He was silent for some time, then, with a complete change of topic he +said, + +"I have been glad to hear you practicing so industriously on the piano. +Some day you may have a more appreciative audience than Mrs. Flaxman +and myself." + +"It has helped to occupy my time. I do not know that much else has been +accomplished." + +"That is not a very wise reason for so occupying your time." + +"One must get through it some way. In pleasant weather, getting +acquainted with nature, in field and garden and by the seashore, was my +favorite pastime." + +"It is an indolent way to seek the acquaintance of so profound a +mistress:--merely sunning one's self under the trees, or listening to the +monotonous voice of the sea, sitting on the rocks." + +"In what better way could I discover her secrets?" + +"Following in the steps of those who have made her in her varying forms a +life long study, and who have embalmed their discoveries in books." + +"But I am young yet, and I need first to discover if I have tastes for +such pursuits." + +"A youthful Methusaleh might make that objection; but your years are too +few to pause while making a selection." + +"At first when I came to Oaklands, I was perplexed to know how the long +days and years were to be occupied." + +"Have you since then found for yourself a career?" + +"I am finding an abundance of work, if I only am willing to do it." + +"You must not get so absorbed in deeds of charity that you forget the +duties belonging to yourself and position. Oaklands may not always be +your home, with its pastoral enjoyments. You should endeavor to fit +yourself for wider and higher spheres of action." + +"In the meantime, however, my life must be got through some way. If I can +help others to be happier, surely my time cannot be quite wasted; and I +may the easier render my final account." + +"Ah, that's a perplexing question--our final settlement for the deeds of +this life." + +I looked my surprise at his tone of voice. + +"You have not learned yet, Medoline, to doubt. Very well, never begin. +It's horrible having no sure anchor to hold by when death forces one into +unknown oceans, or shipwrecks with annihilation." + +"Death never can do that, if we trust in Christ, who turned our last +enemy into a blessed angel." + +"Your faith is very beautiful, and is, no doubt, sufficient for your +utmost intellectual needs; and by all means hold to it as you would to +your life." + +"I think it is the same that St. Paul, and Martin Luther, and John +Milton, and a thousand, yes a million other noblest intellects, held +firmly. Surely it will serve for me." + +"You are satisfied, then, to think with the crowd?" + +"Yes, until something more reasonable is given me than God's word and +revealed religion. But, Mr. Winthrop, I am only a heard believer. I am +not a Christian, really." + +"If I believed the Bible as you do, I would not risk my soul one half +hour without complying with every command of the Scriptures. You who so +firmly believe, and yet live without the change of heart imperatively +demanded by the Bible, are the most foolhardy beings probably in the +entire universe." + +"Are we any more foolish than those who dare to doubt with the same +evidence that we possess?" + +"Possibly not; but I think you are." + +I was silent; for there came to me a sudden consciousness that Mr. +Winthrop was right. I had no doubts about the great truths of our +religion; and what excuse then could I offer for not accepting them to +the very utmost of my human need? + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + +CITY LIFE. + + +In the late evening the lights from the restless, crowded city began to +twinkle in the distance, and shortly another living freight was borne +safely within its shelter. Mr. Winthrop had met a friend who came into +the car, a station or two back, and had grown so absorbed in conversation +that he paid no heed to the people hurrying out into the night. Mrs. +Flaxman was aroused by the commotion and glanced around uneasily, but did +not like to interrupt Mr. Winthrop's eager conversation. Besides, she +comforted herself with the belief that our train would probably lay in +New York for the night. At last Mr. Winthrop came to escort us out. "I +believe we have no time to spare. I did not notice that we had reached +our terminus." + +"It is no use denying the fact; men are greater talkers than women," I +remarked seriously. + +"Why so?" he asked, pausing with satchel suspended, awaiting my answer. + +"Why, no two women on the continent would get so absorbed in each other +as to forget they had reached their journey's end, and had need to be in +a hurry." + +"Probably not; their topics would be too trivial to claim so much +attention." + +I found the reply unanswerable, and hastened after Mrs. Flaxman, who +was already out of sight. When we reached the door the cars were in +motion.--"What shall we do?" I cried, anxiously. "I could never get off +while the cars were moving." I caught a glimpse of Mrs. Flaxman's scared +face as we went past. + +"Leave me and go to Mrs. Flaxman. A man can jump easily, I am sure," I +pleaded, finding that we were moving out of the station, and actually on +the road again. + +"And what will you do?" he asked very calmly. + +"I have plenty of money in my pocket, and can pay my way back by the next +train," I said, hurriedly. + +"You would travel alone at midnight to save Mrs. Flaxman a trifling +anxiety?" + +"I won't be frightened, and she will be so worried there, all alone among +strangers," I pleaded. + +"Mrs. Flaxman knows our hotel. She will be safe when she reaches there, +which will be in a few minutes now. So you need not be troubled about +her. I shall not leave you," he said, decidedly. + +We went back into the car, which was nearly empty; but, some way, I felt +as content and safe as if we had joined Mrs. Flaxman at the hotel. Mr. +Winthrop sat near, but he did not seem in a mood just then for +conversation. I think he felt chagrined at his carelessness, but I was +wicked enough to enjoy it. I leaned my head back against my easy-chair +and furtively watched my guardian, as he sat writing in a large blank +book which he took from his pocket after awhile. I had never before had +such opportunity to study, in repose, the strong, intellectual face. As +I watched the varying moods of his mind, while he thought and wrote, it +reminded me of cloud-swept meadows on a summer's day--the sunshine +succeeding the shadow. I fancied that the mask which conceals the +workings of the spirit life became partly transparent and luminous, and I +seemed to see poetic fancy and noble thoughts weaving their wondrous webs +back somewhere in the fastnesses of the soul. And then I glanced around +at the other occupants of the car; and, fancy being alert, all their +faces reminded me of so many masks, with the real individual sheltered +behind in its own secure fastness, and all the while industriously +weaving the web of life; always vigilant, ever throwing the shuttle; +whether wisely or foolishly, only the resultant action could determine. +But the faces grew indistinct; the steady movement back and forth of the +writer's hand no longer interested me, for I was asleep. I do not know +how long I had slept. My hat had slipped to the floor; my heavy coils of +hair, usually difficult to keep in proper control, had unloosened by the +constant motion of the car and fallen in heavy rings about my shoulders. +I opened my eyes suddenly to find that my guardian had put away his +writing, and was standing near, regarding me, I fancied, with a look +of displeasure. + +"I did not mean to fall asleep," I faltered, while I quickly coiled up my +hair, and put on my hat. + +"It is my fault you slept in this public place. I had forgotten about +you." + +I looked at him with an admiration almost amounting to awe, thinking how +engrossed he must have become in his own thoughts to have forgotten me so +perfectly; and then I speculated on the irony of fate in placing one so +unconventional as I under the care of a man so exceedingly fastidious. + +I was standing beside him. In my excitement, when awakening, I had +started to my feet, but with difficulty maintained my position; for my +head was dizzy with the sudden start from sound sleep, together with the +unaccustomed hour for traveling. Glancing at my watch, I saw that it was +past midnight. I think Mr. Winthrop noticed my weariness, for he said, +rather grimly: + +"It is too bad, having you out late two nights in succession." + +I remembered his gift for Mr. Bowen, and was silent. + +"At the next station we will be able to change cars for New York. The +conductor tells me we shall only be compelled to wait a short time." + +"I will rest then until we get there," I said, no doubt very wearily, for +I felt not only dizzy, but slightly faint, and sank into my chair. He +looked down at me, and then said, in more gentle fashion than he had ever +before addressed me: + +"I am very sorry, Medoline, to have caused you so much needless fatigue." + +I quite forgot my weariness then. It was so comforting to know he could +acknowledge regret for anything, and that his heart was not made of +flint, as, unconfessed to myself, I had partly imagined. + +I looked up brightly. "I do not know if I am not rather glad than sorry +that we have shown ourselves such forgetful travelers. It will be +something unusual to remember." + +"That is a very kindly way to look on my forgetfulness--rather, I should +say, stupidity." He sat down then, and the short remaining distance we +passed in silence. + +We were both very prompt in responding to the summons given by the +conductor when our station was reached. The waiting-room was well lighted +and warmed, and a welcome odor of food pervaded the air. I resolved to +make a little foray on my own account, to secure, if possible, a bit of +luncheon; but, after seeing me comfortably seated by a hot stove, Mr. +Winthrop left, only to return in a few moments with the welcome +announcement that refreshments were awaiting us. I expressed my surprise +that food should be in readiness at that unseasonable hour. + +"Oh, I telegraphed an hour ago to have it prepared," he replied. + +"Then I was sleeping a good while," I said, ruefully. + +"An hour or two. I only wakened you in time to collect yourself for +changing cars." + +"And you have not slept at all?" + +"Scarcely. I do not permit myself that luxury in public." + +I was silenced, but not so far crushed as to lose my appetite. A cup of +tea, such as Mrs. Flaxman never brewed for me, effectually banished sleep +for the rest of the night. The journey back was tiresome, the car +crowded, and the long night seemed interminable. I was wedged in beside a +stout old gentleman, whose breath was disagreeably suggestive of stale +brandy, while a wheezy cough disturbed him as well as myself. He looked +well to do, and was inclined to be friendly; but his eyes had a peculiar +expression that repelled me. Mr. Winthrop had got a seat some distance +behind me. By twisting my neck uncomfortably, I could get a reassuring +glimpse of his broad shoulders and handsome face. At last he came to +me. I half rose, for my aged companion was making me nervous with his +anxiety for my comfort. + +"We will go into the next car; it may not be so crowded," he said, taking +my satchel. Fortunately we found a vacant seat; and I began to feel very +safe and content with him again at my side. + +"I do not think your late traveling companion could have been a widower, +or you would not have been so eager to get away. The look of appeal on +your face, when I got an occasional glimpse of it, was enough to melt +one's heart." + +I laughed in spite of myself. "It never occurred to me to ask, but he +certainly is not a woman hater," I said, with a flush, as I mentally +recalled some of his gracious remarks. I made my replies in brief and +stately dignity; or at least as much of the latter as I could command, +but he was not easily repulsed. Feeling so secure and sheltered now, my +thoughts went out to the unprotected of my sex cast among the evil and +heartless, to fight their way purely amid bleakness and sin. I shuddered +unconsciously. Mr. Winthrop turned to me. + +"Are you cold?" he asked. + +"Oh, no, I was only thinking," I stammered. + +"I would cease thinking if the thoughts were so blood-curdling. May I ask +what they were?" + +"I was pitying poor girls who have to make their way alone in this wicked +world." + +He was silent for some time, and then said gravely: "Your instincts are +very keen. That gray-haired gentleman happens to be a person I know +something about, and his very presence is enough to contaminate." + +I was amazed that he so easily understood my meaning. The sun was +reddening the sky, which seemed so pure and still compared with the +sinful, noisy city that, for an instant, a homesick longing seized me to +escape to its clear, beautiful depths. When we reached the hotel I was +cold, and feeling very cheerless; but a comfortable looking maid, not +half so overwhelming as our Esmerelda, conducted me to a pleasant room, +and soon had a bright fire burning, and a cozy breakfast spread on a +little table just in front of the grate. I was not hungry, but I took the +cup of hot chocolate Mr. Winthrop had ordered, and nibbled a bit of +toast; and then, drawing an easy-chair in front of the fire, soon fell +into a luxurious sleep, from which I did not waken for several hours. The +maid came in occasionally to replenish the fire, but her light movements +did not disturb me. Afterward I found the hotel was not a public one, but +a private affair, patronized mainly by a number of old families whose +parents and children had come and gone for nearly half a century. The +room I occupied, Mrs. Flaxman told me, was the very one my own dear +mother had occupied as a bride; and hence Mr. Winthrop had secured it for +me. It was the best in the house, I found later on. That evening, after +I had wakened refreshed, and eager to see and hear all that was possible +in this new wonderland, Mrs. Flaxman, still a little nervous after her +journey and anxiety on my account, came and sat with me; and to atone +for keeping me in the house, told me stories of that beautiful, far-away +time when she had seen my mother in that same room in the first joy of +wifehood, and described my father as the proud, happy bridegroom, gazing +with more than a lover's fondness on the beautiful girl who had left all +for him, and yet in the renunciation had found no sacrifice. She +described the rich silken gown with its rare, old lace, and the diamonds +she wore at her first party in New York. "Mr. Winthrop has them, your +mother's diamonds and all her jewelry. In being an only child like +yourself, she inherited all her own mother's. They are all safely stored +at his bankers, and I think he means to give them to you soon, or at +least a part of them." + +"I did not know I had any except what I brought with me from school," I +said, with a shade of regret to be so long in ignorance of such a +pleasant fact. Mrs. Flaxman smiled as she asked: + +"Did you never hear your schoolmates talk of the family plate and +jewelry?" + +"Oh, yes; there were a few stupid ones who had very little brains to be +proud of; so they used to try and make up for the lack by telling us +about such things; but we reckoned a good essay writer worth a good deal +more than these plate owners." + +"There must have been great changes since I was at school. I believe the +rising generation is developing a nobler ambition than their predecessors +possessed." + +"I should hope so," I said, with girlish scorn; "as if such mere +accidents as birth and the ownership of plate and jewelry could give one +higher rank than intellect. Why, I believe that is the scarcest thing in +all the universe." + +"It does seem ridiculous," Mrs. Flaxman said reflectively, "but it is +hard escaping from the spirit of the age in which we live. It would be +easy to hold such things lightly in those heroic days in Greece when +Lycurgus cheapened the gold and things the masses held most precious." + +"One can have a little republic in their own soul as well as Lycurgus, +and indulge unforced in high thinking. I think that would be really more +creditable than if every one agreed to do so by act of senate." + +"It would be a grand thing for every one to get the dross all burned away +from their nature and only have the pure gold left." + +"Don't you think, Mrs. Flaxman, with a good many people, after the +burning process, there would be so little left it would take a whole +flock of them to make a decent sized individual?" + +She laughed softly. "I never thought of it in that way. I am afraid now +I will get to undressing my acquaintances, to try and find out how much +that will be fit to take into higher existences they have in their +composition." + +"Mr. Winthrop is a very uncomfortable sort of person to live with, but I +think he will have more noble qualities to carry somewhere after death +than the average of my acquaintances. What a pity it is for such splendid +powers of mind to be lost! He has the materials in him to make a grand +angel." + +Mrs. Flaxman looked up quickly. + +"You cannot think it is his ultimate destiny to be lost?" she questioned. + +"He doesn't believe in the Bible. What hope can he have that we will ever +get to heaven?" + +"A multitude of prayers are piled between him and perdition. His mother +was a saintly character, whose dying breath was a prayer for him; and +there are others who have taken his case daily to the mercy seat for +years." + +"I wish I had some one to pray for me," I said rather fretfully. + +"My dear, I do not know any one who has more leisure to pray for +themselves than you have." + +I was surprised to hear her speak so lightly on such a solemn subject; +but as I thought the matter over afterward, I could but acknowledge that +she had answered me just as I deserved. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + +NEW ACQUAINTANCES. + + +Mrs. Flaxman's fears were realized. She was detained from her pickles and +preserves for over a fortnight; but the days spent then in the city were +an entirely new revelation of life to me. Mr. Winthrop had a circle of +literary friends, who seemed determined to make his stay so pleasant +that he would not be in a hurry to return to the solitude of Oaklands. +When I saw his keen enjoyment of their society, and the many varied +privileges he had in that brief period--musical, artistic, and literary, +I was filled with surprise that he should make his home at Oaklands at +all, and expressed my wonder to Mrs. Flaxman. + +"Oh, he often goes away--sometimes to Europe, and sometimes to the great +American centres of thought and life; then he comes home apparently glad +of its quiet and freedom from interruption. I think he uses up all the +raw experiences and ideas he gets when away." + +I thought her reply over, and wondered if it was the usual habit of +literary people to go out on those foraging expeditions and bring back +material to be used up in weeks of solitude. We were either out among +friends, at concerts, lectures, evening gatherings, or else receiving Mr. +Winthrop's particular friends at our hotel, every evening. I enjoyed +those evenings at home, I think, the very best of all. We sat late, +supper being served about midnight--a plain, sensible repast that, with +a man of Mr. Winthrop's means, might certainly betoken high thinking. +However, the intellectual repast served to us reminded me of the feasts +of the gods, or even better, in old Homeric times. There were condensed +thoughts that often kept me puzzling over their meanings long after their +words had died on the air. Mrs. Flaxman sat, a mostly silent listener, +but in no wise showing weariness at the lateness of the hour, or mental +strain imposed in following such abstract lines of thought. I too +listened silently, save in reply to some direct remark, but with pained, +growing thoughts, that often left me utterly weary when the little +company dispersed. I would often stop listening and fall into vague, +hopeless speculations as to the number of centuries that must elapse +before I could overtake them. Saddest fancy of all was that my powers +might be too limited even to do this. Our daylight hours were, in great +measure, passed in making and receiving calls from Mrs. Flaxman's +friends, who seemed very quick to find out she was there, and in visiting +the huge dressmaking and dry goods establishments which she patronized. I +found it quite difficult, at times, to reconcile the fact that those we +met by day were, in the main, created in the same mental likeness as +those I listened to with such admiration in the evening. I used to close +my eyes at times and fancy the old heathen, mythology to be true, and +that the gods were actually revisiting the earth, and bringing with them +the high conceptions from Olympus, I was able more clearly than ever to +recognize how high were Mr. Winthrop's ideals, so far as this world goes, +of human excellence and, with deepest humiliation, remembered how far I +must have come short of his lowest standards. I went to Mrs. Flaxman with +this new and painful discovery, and as usual, she brought her +consolation. + +"Very few can hope to attain such excellence of culture and intellect as +these men possess. You and I ought to be grateful to our Creator if he +has given us brain power sufficient to appreciate and comprehend their +words. I know it has given Mr. Winthrop deep satisfaction to see you so +interested in their conversation." + +"How do you know that?" I asked, pleased at her words. + +"I look at him sometimes while you get so absorbed listening that you +seem to forget everything; and I see the gratified expression of his +face while he watches you. I know it would be a disappointment to him if +you should develop into a fashionable, feather-headed woman." + +"Or a widow-helping philanthropist," I said, laughing. + +"Of the two, he would prefer the latter." + +"But neither would be his ideal." + +"I am not altogether certain of that; but I do know he holds in strong +dislike a woman who simply exists to follow the fashions, no matter how +attractive she may be." + +"I am ashamed to say I like getting new things, especially when they are +becoming," I said, a little shamefacedly. + +"I am sure you would get tired of a perpetual round of new hats and +frocks, and trying them on, I am not apt to be mistaken in a person." + +"But it is vastly easier to think of harmonious colors and combinations +of dry goods, than it is to puzzle over those knotty subjects we listen +to here in the evening, or to translate Chopin or Wagner, or the other +great masters." + +"But once mastering any of these, the pleasure arising therefrom gives +satisfaction to a noble cast of mind that a whole gallery of Worth's +choicest costumes could not produce." + +"Solomon said: Much study is a weariness of the flesh." + +"Solomon was an intellectual dyspeptic. But granting that it is a +weariness, it is something that pays well for the weariness." + +"If all the world were to come to Mr. Winthrop's way of thinking, it +would be a sad thing for the dressmakers." + +"Not necessarily. They would still be needed, but they would do the +thinking about what would best suit the style of their respective +customers; and the latter would be left free of that special task, +to devote their minds to their own interior furnishing." + +"Ah, you describe a second Utopia, or the golden age. A few in each +generation might reach that clear, chill region of sublime thought; but +the rank and file of womankind, and perhaps of mankind, would despise +them as cranks." + +"But if they had something vastly better than the respect of the careless +and uncultured, need they mind what these would say?" + +"Possibly not; but in most women's hearts there is an innate love of +adornment, and the art they will not relegate very willingly to others." + +"I did not think you cared so much for dress." + +"You and Mr. Winthrop are putting the strongest temptations in my way, +and then expect that I shall calmly turn my dazzled eyes inwards upon +the unfurnished, empty spaces of my own mind." + +"You seemed to care almost too little for elegance of attire, I thought." + +"What the eyes do not see the heart never longs for. But glossy velvets, +shimmering silks, with colors perfected from the tints of the rainbow; +laces that are a marvel of fineness and beauty; and gems that might +dazzle older heads than mine, thrown recklessly in my way, could any +young creature fond of pretty things turn away from them, with the +indifference of a wrinkled philosopher? I should have staid at Oaklands, +and saved my money for the Mill Road folk." + +"You must have the temptation, if you are to have the credit of +overcoming it." + +"Is there not a wonderful petition left for us by One who knows all +things? 'Lead us not into temptation.'" + +"I do not think this is a parallel case. God's way with His people, ever +since Eve was denied the fruit in Eden, has been to prove them by +temptation. His promise that there shall, with the temptation, be a way +of escape, is what we need to claim." + +"My way of escape will be to go back to Oaklands, where an occasional tea +party will be the most dangerous allurement to vanity in my way." + +"But you will not always remain there. Mr. Winthrop will not be so remiss +in his duty as your guardian as to bury you there. Marriage, and a +judicious settlement in life, are among the probabilities of your near +future." + +My cheeks crimsoned; for marriage was one of the tabooed subjects of +conversation at Madame Buhlman's. Only in the solitude of our own rooms +did we dare to converse on such a topic. But no doubt we wove our +romances as industriously, and dreamed our dreams of the beautiful, +impossible future stretching beyond our dim horizons, as eagerly as if +we had been commanded to spend a certain portion of each day in its +contemplation. + +Mrs. Flaxman noticed my embarrassment, and, after a few moments +said:--"Perhaps the fairy prince has already claimed his own." + +I laughed lightly, but still felt ill at ease as I said: "I have never +met him, and begin to doubt if he has an existence." + +"He is sure to come, soon or late; probably too soon to please me. +I shall miss you sadly when you go away from us." + +I knelt beside her chair, a lump gathering in my throat, and my slow +coming tears ready to drop. + +"I do not know why you should miss me, but it makes me so glad to hear +you say so. I have no one to really love me in the wide, wide world, that +is, whose love I can claim as a right, and sometimes the thought makes me +desolate." + +She sat for awhile silently stroking my hair. + +"I do not think yours will be a desolate, or lonely life, Medoline. It +is only the selfish who are punished in that way. The blessing of those +about the perish will overtake you, making the shadowy places in your +life bright." + +"But there are no perishing ones conveniently near for me to save. I am +of little more use in the world than a humming bird." + +"Already some of the Mill Road folk have been comforted by you. You +remember it is recorded of the Mary of Bethany; 'She hath done what she +could.' For that act of gratitude to the Master, her memory will be +cherished long after the sun is cold. We do not know if somewhere all our +minutest acts of unselfishness are not recorded, to be met with one day +with glad surprise on our part." + +"I would rather be so remembered," I said with eager longing, "than to be +a Cleopatra or Helen of Troy." + +"In what way is that?" Mr. Winthrop asked, as he stood looking down at me +from behind Mrs. Flaxman's chair. I sprang to my feet in consternation. +"We did not hear you enter," I faltered, very much ashamed to be found in +such a childish attitude. + +"I know that, since I would not have been just now admitted to your +confidence." + +I wheeled him up an arm chair, and stirred the fire very industriously, +hoping thereby to divert his attention. He sat down quietly. His massive +head laid back against the rich, dark leather seemed to bring the +features out in stronger relief; the fire light falling uncertainly on +his face, but enabling me to note distinctly its expectant look. I went +to the window and stood for sometime watching the passers by in the +street, thinking thus to pass away the time until Mr. Winthrop should +forget to further question me; but he suddenly startled me by coming +towards the window where I stood, and saying: + +"You have not answered my question." + +"The remark was only intended for Mrs. Flaxman's ears, and was of no +importance, any way." + +"Mrs. Flaxman then will enlighten me as to the bent of your ambition," he +said, quite too authoritatively for my liking, and turned towards her. + +"Our conversation drifted to personal endeavor. We were talking of many +things, when Medoline, just as you came in, expressed the wish to be +helpful to others rather than to shine in cold and stately splendor." + +"Ah, yes. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy were excellent illustrations of the +splendor. I am glad she is able to avail herself of her classical studies +in conversation." + +I looked mutely at Mrs. Flaxman, but she was gazing intently into the +burning coals, with a slight flush on her face, caused, I knew, by Mr. +Winthrop's words. A few moments after I glanced at my guardian. His eyes +were closed, the lines of his face looked hard and stern. I wondered if +it never softened even in sleep, or did it always wear that look that +some way brought to my mind the old Vikings of the frozen north. + +Mrs. Flaxman presently arose saying it was time for us to dress for the +concert. Mr. Winthrop looked up to say he had secured us an escort, and +would not accompany us. + +"I thought you particularly admired Beethoven's Ninth Symphony," I +exclaimed, with surprise. + +"I do not think that crowd of amateurs will do much; although Bovyer +gives them great praise. I would as soon hear that Larkum baby crowing as +to hear such a masterpiece mangled." + +"Some passages will be well rendered, surely." + +"What matter, if one is all the time dreading a discord? I shall expect, +however, a full account of the performance from you." + +"I have already heard this symphony rendered by the court musicians in +Belgium. I had no heart to practice my lessons for weeks after." + +"And why not?" + +"It seemed useless for me to waste time or money over an art so far +beyond my powers to master." + +His face softened, while he arose from his chair and came a few steps +nearer to me. + +"Only one or two human beings, so far as we know, have had musical +powers equal to Beethoven. Most men are satisfied if they can perform +harmoniously his creations." + +"I could never do that. I might by years of hard study get so far as to +strike the correct notes, but the soul and expression would elude me, +simply because I have not brain power sufficient to comprehend them. A +thrush would be foolish to emulate the nightingale." + +"Yes but some one might be gladdened by its own simple note," he said, +gently. + +I was silent, while his words sank comfortably in my heart. + +Looking up, at last, I caught his eye. + +"I will try to be satisfied with my thrush's note, and make the best of +it." + +"That is right, but make sure that you are not any better song bird than +the thrush, before you rest satisfied with its simple accomplishment." + +Very earnestly and sincerely I promised him to do my best, and then +followed Mrs. Flaxman from the room. Our escort proved to be Mr. Bovyer, +a grave man, not so young as Mr. Winthrop, and who had a genuine passion +for classic music. I fancied from his name and partiality for German +composers that he must be either directly or remotely of Teutonic origin. +Beethoven was his great favorite. He averred that the latter had +penetrated further into the mysteries of music than any other human +being. He seemed transformed while we sat listening to the great waves +of harmony bewildering our senses; for, notwithstanding Mr. Winthrop's +prophecy, the concert was a success. He had a stolid face. One might +take him almost for a retired, well-to-do butcher; but when the air was +pulsating with delicious sounds, his face lighted up and grew positively +handsome. + +"I wonder how you will endure the music of the immortals, that God +listens to, if you get with the saved by and bye?" I said, impulsively. + +He shook his head doubtfully, but gave me at the same time a look of +surprise. + +"I do not ask for anything better than Beethoven," he replied quietly. + +Some way I felt saddened. The Creator was so much beyond the highest +object of his creative skill, even though that is or might be one so +gloriously endowed as Beethoven; it seemed strange that a thinking, +intellectual being would grasp the less when he might lay hold on the +greater. I glanced around on the gay, richly-dressed throng--pretty +women in garments as harmonious in form and color almost as the music +that was thrilling at least some of us; some of them fair enough, I +fancied, to be walking in a better world than ours; then, by some strange +freak of the imagination, I fell to thinking of the poverty and sorrow, +and breaking hearts all about us, until the music seemed to change to a +minor chord; and away back of all other sounds I seemed to hear the sob +and moan of the dying and broken-hearted. Perhaps some new chord had been +touched in my own heart that had never before responded to human things; +for in spite of myself I sat and wept with a full, aching heart. I tried +to shield my face with my fan and at last regained my composure, and +tried, in sly fashion, to dry my eyes with the bit of lace I called my +handkerchief, and which I found a very poor substitute for the +substantial lawn hitherto used. At last I regained my composure +sufficiently to look up, when I found Mr. Bovyer regarding me keenly. He +glanced away, but after that his manner grew sympathetic, and on our way +home he said, + +"I am glad to know you can understand great musical conceptions." + +"I found it very, very sad. I scarce ever realized how much pain there +might be in this world, as for a little while I did to-night." + +"The tears were sorrowful then, and not glad?" he said, gently. + +"My tears are always that. I cannot conceive a joy so great as to make me +weep." + +"Your heart is not fully wakened yet, some day you will understand; but +be thankful you can understand a part. Not many at your age feel the +master's touch so keenly." When we said good-night, he asked permission +to call next day. I waited for Mrs. Flaxman to reply, and turned to her, +seeing she hesitated. She smiled and I could see answered for me. + +"We shall be happy to see you. Mr. Winthrop receives his friends, I +believe, to-morrow evening." As we went to our rooms she said:--"Won't +it be wonderful if you have captivated Mr. Bovyer's heart?--I am sure Mr. +Winthrop considered him a safe escort, so far as love entanglements +were concerned." + +"That old man thinking of love! He looks as if he thought much more of +his dinner than anything else." + +"Probably he does bestow some attention on it; but he is not old, at +least not more than six and thirty. Beside he is a very clever man--a +musical critic and good writer; in fact, one of Mr. Winthrop's most +intimate friends." + +"That, I presume, speaks volumes in his favor," I said, perhaps with a +touch of sarcasm in my voice. + +"Yes; Mr. Winthrop is an unerring judge of character; that is, of late +years." + +"Well, I would nearly as soon think of marrying Daniel Blake as this Mr. +Bovyer. I have never been in love, but I have an idea what it is," I +said, following Mrs. Flaxman to her room. + +"But Mr. Bovyer might teach you. Did you ever read Shakespeare's +Midsummer Night's Dream?" + +"Oh, yes; and of Titania and Bottom of course, but that was only a +dream--Mr. Bovyer is a very solid reality. But I must not stay here +gossiping. Mr. Winthrop will be waiting for my description of the music." + +I slipped into my own room to lay aside my wraps, still smiling over Mrs. +Flaxman's childish ideas respecting Mr. Bovyer in the _role_ of a lover, +and also a little troubled about the wording of the report I was expected +to give. His smile would be more sarcastic than ever, if I confessed my +tears; and, alas, I had but little other impression to convey of the +majestic harmonies than one of profound sadness. I glanced into my +mirror; the picture reflected back startled me. In the handsome gown, +with the same gems that had once enhanced my mother's charms, the +transformation wrought was considerable; but my eyes were shining with a +deep, unusual brilliancy, and a new expression caused by the influences +of the evening had changed my face almost beyond my own recognition. I +went down to the parlor where I found Mr. Winthrop absorbed in his book. +I stood near waiting for him to look, but he remained unconscious of my +presence. I went to the fireside. On the mantle I noticed, for the first +time, a bust of the great master whose music had just been echoing so +mournfully in my ears. I took it in my hand and went nearer the light, +soon as absorbed in studying the indrawn melancholy face as was my +guardian over his book. When I looked at him his book was closed, and his +eyes regarding me attentively. + +"Do you recognize the face?" + +"Oh, yes. I wonder he looks like other men." + +"Why should he look differently?" + +"Because he was different. I wonder what his thoughts were when he was +writing that symphony?" I held the bust off reflectively. + +"Did you enjoy your evening's entertainment?" + +"Yes and no,--I wish you had been there, Mr. Winthrop. Please don't ask +me to describe it." + +"I will get a description of how you received it then from Bovyer--he +could tell me better than you. He reads faces so well, I sometimes have a +fear he sees too far beneath our mask." + +"I don't want to see him any more then," I said impetuously. + +"Why not?" + +"I do not want my soul to be scrutinized by strange eyes, any more than +you do, Mr. Winthrop." + +"How do you know that I object?" + +"Did you not say just now you had a fear he saw too deeply into us?" + +"Possibly. I was speaking in a general way--meant humanity at large, +rather than my own individual self." + +"Would you care if I could see all the thoughts and secrets of your soul +just at this moment, Mr. Winthrop?" I said, taking a step nearer, and +looking intently into his eyes, which returned my look with one equally +penetrating. + +"No, Medoline. You, least of any one I know," he said, quietly. I looked +at him with surprise--perhaps a trifle grieved. + +"Does that offend you?" he asked after a pause. + +"It wounds me; for I am your friend." + +"I am glad of that, little one." + +"Glad that you have given me pain?" I asked, with an odd feeling as if I +wanted to burst into a fit of childish weeping. + +He left his chair and came to my side. + +"Why do you look so sorrowful, Medoline? I meant that it gave me pleasure +that you were my friend. I did not think that you cared for me." + +"I am surprised at myself for caring so much for you when you are so hard +on me. I suppose it is because you are my guardian, and I have no one +else, scarcely, to love." I was beginning to think I must either escape +hastily to my room, or apply the bit of cobweb lace once more to my eyes, +which, if I could judge from my feelings, would soon be saturated with my +tears. + +"I did not think I was hard on you," he said, gently. "I have been afraid +lest I was humoring your whims too much; but unselfishness, and thought +for the poor, have been such rare traits in the characteristics of my +friends, I have not had a heart hard enough to interfere with your +instincts." + +Here was an entirely new revelation to me; I bethought me of Mrs. +Flaxman's remark a short time before, and repeated it to him. + +"I do not think I shall ever have paternal feelings towards you, +Medoline, I am not old enough for that. Tell Mrs. Flaxman, if she speaks +that way again, I am not anxious for her to fasten in your heart filial +affection for me." + +"But we may be just as much to each other as if you were my own father?" +I pleaded. + +"Quite as much," he said, with emphasis. I forgot my tears; for some way +my heart had got so strangely light and glad, tears seemed an unnecessary +incumbrance; and even the thought that had been awaked by the disturbing +harmonies of Beethoven's majestic conceptions were folded peacefully away +in their still depths again. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + +ALONE WITH HIS DEAD. + + +At breakfast Mr. Winthrop was more insistent in his curiosity about the +concert of the previous evening. Mrs. Flaxman assured him that we were +all agreeably disappointed in our evening's entertainment. + +"Mr. Bovyer was especially charmed with Medoline's appreciation of his +favorite composer. He asked permission to call on her to-day." + +He gave me a keen glance, saying: "I hope you did not grow too +enthusiastic. One need not hang out a placard to prove we can comprehend +the intricate and profound." + +Mrs. Flaxman answered hastily for me. + +"No, indeed; she was too quiet; and only Mr. Bovyer and myself detected +the tears dropping behind her fan. But Mr. Bovyer seemed gratified at the +meaning he read from them." + +My face was burning; but after a few seconds' silence I stole a glance +at Mr. Winthrop. He was apparently absorbed in his breakfast, and +Beethoven's Symphonies were not mentioned in his presence until evening, +when Mr. Bovyer, true to his appointment, sat chatting for two or three +hours with Mr. Winthrop and his other guests. As usual, I sat a silent +listener, comprehending readily a good many things that were said; but +some of the conversation took me quite beyond my depth. I found Mr. +Bovyer could grow eloquent over his favorite topics, which, from his +phlegmatic appearance, surprised me. He seemed thoroughly acquainted +with other subjects than music, and I noticed that even Mr. Winthrop +listened to his remarks with deference. Before the evening closed Mr. +Winthrop asked him for some music. He complied so readily that I fell to +contrasting his unaffected manner with that of lady musicians who, as a +rule, take so much coaxing to gratify their friends' desire for music, +and their own vanity at the same time. I noticed Mr. Winthrop settling +back into his favorite position in his arm-chair--his head thrown back +and eyes closed. Mrs. Flaxman took up her fan and held it as if shielding +her eyes from the light. I discovered afterward it was merely a pretext +to conceal the emotion Mr. Bovyer usually awakened when she listened to +his music. + +His first touch on the piano arrested me, and I turned around to watch +his face. I recognized the air--the opening passage from Haydn's +Creation. I was soon spellbound, as were all the rest. Mrs. Flaxman laid +down her fan; there were no melting passages to bring tears in this +symphony, descriptive of primeval darkness, and confusion of the +elements, the evil spirits hurrying away from the glad, new light into +their native regions of eternal night--the thunder and storm and +elemental terrors. Presently I turned to Mr. Winthrop. He was sitting +erect in his chair, his eyes no longer closed in languorous enjoyment; +when suddenly the measure changed to that delicious passage descriptive +of the creation of birds. Mr. Bovyer's voice was a trifle too deep and +powerful for the air, but it was sympathetic and rarely musical. + +He ended as abruptly as he began and glided off into one of those old +English glees,--"Hail, Smiling Morn." + +Presently turning around he asked: "Are you tired?" + +"We have failed to take note of the flight of time; pray go on," Mr. +Winthrop urged. + +"What do you say, Miss Selwyn?" + +"I would like if you could make Mr. Winthrop cry. If you tried very hard, +you might touch his fountain of tears." + +"Bravo! I will try," he exclaimed amid the general laugh. He touched the +keys, and then pausing a moment, left the instrument. + +"I am not in the mood to-night for such a difficult task. I may make the +attempt some stormy winter's night at Oaklands. I believe I have a +standing invitation there," he said, joining us around the fire. + +Mr. Winthrop threw me an amazed look, but instantly recovering himself he +said heartily:--"The invitation holds good during the term of our natural +lives. The sooner it is accepted the more delighted we shall be." + +Mr. Bovyer bowed his thanks, and coming to my side asked if I would care +to attend another concert the following evening. + +"It depends on what the music is to be. I am not so sensitive as Mr. +Winthrop to a few false notes now and then. The composer has more power +to give me pain than the performers, I believe." + +"I should say, then, that your comprehension of music was more subtle +than his." + +"I do not pretend to compare myself with Mr. Winthrop in any way. It +would be like the minnow claiming fellowship with the leviathan." + +Mr. Winthrop suggested very politely:-- + +"Humility is becoming until it grows abject." + +"Your guardian is an incorrigible bachelor. Ladies do not get the +slightest mercy from him," Mr. Bovyer remarked. + +"I have ceased to look for any," I said, with an evenness of voice that +surprised me. + +"I am glad to find myself in such good company," Mr. Winthrop said, with +a graceful bend of the head, which included each of his guests in the +list of single blessed ones. + +"Are you all going to be old bachelors?" I asked, forgetting myself in +the surprise of the moment. + +"I am not aware that we are all irrevocably committed to that terrible +fate," Mr. Bovyer said, as he united in the general smile at my expense. + +"It might be more terrible for some of your wives than if you remained +single. I think some persons are fore-ordained to live single." I looked +steadily in the fire lest my eyes might betray too much. + +"Do you imagine those blighted lives are confined solely to one sex?" Mr. +Winthrop blandly inquired. + +"Oh, no; nature does not confine her oddities to one sex; but a woman can +better conceal the lack of a human heart and sympathies." + +"You mean they are better actresses?" + +"Yes, I think so." + +"I must tell you, gentlemen, this little ward of mine is a natural +philanthropist. You would be amazed to see how she sympathizes with +widows and the broken-hearted of both sexes. I have been forced to limit +her charities to a certain yearly amount lest her husband may one day +call me to account for her wasted means." + +"It is the most beautiful trait in womankind." Mr. Bovyer responded, +heartily, just as a passionate retort had sprung to my lips. The second's +interruption gave me time to regain my self-control; but the color flamed +over brow and cheek as I rose and walked to the farther end of the room +and stood turning over the leaves of a book lying on the table. I could +still hear what was said and was surprised that Mr. Winthrop turned the +conversation so cleverly into other channels. It was growing late, and +before long the guests retired. Mr. Bovyer, as he shook hands with me, +said: "You have not answered my question yet. Will you come to the +Philharmonic to-morrow evening?" + +I looked to Mr. Winthrop for a reply. + +"I think you must deny yourself that pleasure, as we shall probably go +home to-morrow." + +"So soon?" I asked with surprise. + +"The time I limited myself to expired yesterday. We can return this +winter, and complete any unfinished business or pleasure that you now +leave undone." + +"My business is finished. It happens to be a pleasure to return to +Oaklands." + +I murmured my thanks to Mr. Bovyer, and withdrew the hand he was still +holding. + +When we were at last alone, Mrs. Flaxman drew her chair near the fire and +settling back comfortably as if she were in no hurry to retire, said very +seriously:--"This is unexpected--our going home to-morrow." + +"I am afraid Bovyer is about making an ass of himself. Strange what +weaknesses come over strong men sometimes! He was the last I should +have expected such a thing from," Mr. Winthrop said. + +"Was it fear of this that sends you home so abruptly?" Mrs. Flaxman +asked, with a look of amusement. + +"One reason." + +"He would be a very good _parti_; only a little too old, perhaps." + +"What are you thinking of? I shall not let that child get entangled for +years." He said, almost angrily. + +"What has Mr. Bovyer done?" I inquired, a good deal mystified. + +"You are too young to have everything explained. I want you to keep your +child's heart for a good many years yet." + +"What a pity young people cannot keep the child's heart until they get +some good out of life. Not begin at once with its storms and passions," +Mrs. Flaxman remarked, in a moralizing tone. + +"Do you mean falling in love, Mrs. Flaxman?" + +"Possibly that was what I meant, but it is to be a tabooed topic with you +for some years yet, Mr. Winthrop decides." + +"You have been unusually fortunate in that respect, Mr. Winthrop. I +used to think every one fell in love before they came to your age." Mrs. +Flaxman glanced at him with a pained, startled look which I did not +understand. I noticed that his face though grave was unruffled; but he +made me no reply. + +I could not explain the reason, but I felt grieved that I had made the +remark, and slipped quietly out of the room without my usual good-night. + +The next day we left for home. Mr. Winthrop was not fortunate in meeting +friends; so he sat beside us. I would have preferred being alone with +Mrs. Flaxman, without the restraint of his society. We had not been able +on that train to secure a parlor car, for which I was very glad. There +seemed more variety and wider types of humanity in the plainer car, and I +liked to study the different groups and indulge in my dreams concerning +them. My attention was suddenly attracted, at a station we were +approaching, by a hearse and funeral procession apparently waiting for +us. The cars moving along presently hid them from my view, and my +attention was suddenly distracted from this melancholy spectacle by the +unusual circumstance of a man coming alone into the car with an infant in +his arms. The cars scarcely paused, and while I watched to see the mother +following her baby the brakeman came in with an armfull of shawls, +satchels, and baskets. The baby soon began to cry; when it was pitiful to +watch the poor fellow's futile efforts to hush its wailings, while he +tossed over the parcels apparently in search of something; but the baby's +cries continued to increase in volume, and the missing article, whatever +it was, refused to turn up. + +Mr. Winthrop cast a look on it that might have annihilated a much +stronger specimen of humanity; but the father, as I supposed him to be, +intercepted the wrathful gaze, and his face, already sorrowful looking, +became more distressed than ever. + +I waited impatiently for some older woman to go to his relief; but men +and women alike seemed to regard the little waif with displeasure; so at +last slipping swiftly out of my seat lest Mr. Winthrop might intercept +me, I went straight to the poor fellow's relief. + +"What is the matter with the baby?" I asked, as sympathetically as I +could. + +"He is hungry, and they have taken his food by mistake, I am afraid, to +the baggage car." + +"May I take care of him while you go for it?" + +"If you only would, I would be so grateful." + +I sat down and he put the bit of vocality in my arms, and then hastened +after its dinner. I glanced towards Mr. Winthrop. I fancied that his face +expressed volumes of shocked proprieties; so I quickly withdrew my gaze, +since it was not at all comforting, and devoted myself exclusively to the +poor little baby. Its clothing had got all awry, its hands were blue with +cold, and the tears from its pretty, blurred eyes were running in a +copious stream. I dried its face, took off its cap and cloak, and got its +garments nicely straightened out, and then to complete the cure, for want +of something better, gave it my long suffering watch to nibble. The +little creature may have recognized the soothing effect of a woman's +hands, or it may have been the bright tick, tick which it was gazing at +now with pleased expression, and with its untutored tongue was already +trying to imitate. What the cause was I could not say; but when the +father returned, silence reigned in the car so far as his offspring was +concerned. His face brightened perceptibly. "It does seem as if a baby +knew a woman's touch," he said, with such a sigh of relief. + +"They know when their clothes are comfortable and their hands warm." + +"His mother always attended to him. He and I were only playfellows." + +"Where is his mother now?" I asked, no longer able to restrain my +curiosity. + +"In the freight room." His eyes filled with tears. + +"Was it her coffin I saw in the hearse awhile ago?" + +"Yes." + +"Oh I am so sorry;" and I too burst into tears. He busied himself getting +a spirit lamp lighted, and soon the baby's milk was simmering, and almost +before good humor had been restored throughout the car the baby had +comfortably dined, and gone off into a refreshing slumber. I made him a +snug little bed out of rugs and shawls, and laid him down in blissful +unconsciousness of the cold, still form, even more unconscious than he, +in the adjoining freight room. + +The passengers as well as Mr. Winthrop had been watching me curiously, +and my sudden burst of tears had mystified them. + +Once the baby was nicely settled to its nap I returned to my seat. Mrs. +Flaxman eagerly asked why there was no woman to look after the baby. +I saw Mr. Winthrop listening, as if interested also in the strange +phenomenon of a man in attendance alone on an infant. + +"The mother is in the freight room." + +"What?" Mrs. Flaxman asked, looking a trifle alarmed. + +"She is in her coffin." My lip trembled, and with difficulty I restrained +my tears once more. + +"How dreadful!" she murmured, and presently I saw her wiping away her own +tears. + +"And you were the only one brave enough to go to him in his trouble. +Medoline, I am proud of you, but ashamed of myself." + +"I couldn't help going; he looked so distressed, and I could see he +wasn't fit to look after the baby. Men are so useless about such things," +I said, giving Mr. Winthrop a humorous glance. + +"Another case of widowers," Mr. Winthrop whispered, as he bent his head +near to mine; but I saw that he too was not unmoved, and the look he +bestowed upon me was equal to a caress. + +"I am going to speak to that poor man myself." Mrs. Flaxman said very +energetically, after she had got her eyes dried. + +She went, but very soon I saw her handkerchief in active service again. +They sat chatting a long time, while all the passengers seemed to have a +growing interest in their fellow traveller and his little charge. The +latter wakened while Mrs. Flaxman was still lingering beside the bereaved +father. It cried at first; but she soon got him so comfortable and +content, that he was laughing and cooing into the wintry looking faces of +his father and new nurse. I wanted to have the dear little fellow in my +own arms, he had such a bright, intelligent face, and his smile was so +sunny; but I could not muster courage to go and ask for him. + +Mrs. Flaxman probably noticed my wistful look, for she presently returned +to her own seat bringing him with her. She had scarcely left the father's +side when a white-haired, kindly-faced old gentleman at the farther end +of the car got up and came stumbling along, and took a seat beside him. +The poor fellow winced. He shrank, no doubt, from opening his wound +afresh for another stranger to probe. But there was something so +sympathetic in the old man's face, and the hearty shake of the hand that +he gave without even speaking, that I concluded he would do more good +than harm. After sitting a little while in silence, I overheard him +telling how he had heard of his trouble through the conductor. I had not +asked him anything about his wife's death, that seemed a grief too sacred +to explain to a perfect stranger; but he had told Mrs. Flaxman all, and I +sat listening with a strong desire to cry while she repeated the story to +us. + +"His wife died very suddenly," she said, "and they were all strangers +where they lived; but every one, he said, was so kind. He is taking his +baby home to his mother. They live a little way out of Cavendish. He said +he knew us; and was never so surprised at anything in his life as when +a beautiful young lady, like you, traveling, too, with Mr. Winthrop, came +and took his baby. Everybody was looking so crossly at the baby, he had +just begun to feel as if there was no sympathy for him in all this world +full of strangers; but, when you came, there was a great load taken off +his heart. I mean after this to be more on the watch to help others." + +"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, I thought that was one of your strongest +characteristics." + +"Don't ever say such a thing to me again, when if it had not been for a +tender-hearted child, with the very poorest possible opinion of herself, +we might have, amongst us, finished breaking that poor fellow's heart." + +"You will make her vain if you continue praising her so much," Mr. +Winthrop remonstrated. + +"She has not a natural tendency that way, and we have not helped to +foster her vanity; if we have erred, it has been in the other direction." + +"Please let us cease talking personalities. Why don't you admire and +talk about this lovely boy? Wouldn't you like to have us adopt him at +Oaklands, Mr. Winthrop?" + +"I expect you will not be quite satisfied until you get the position of +matron in some huge asylum for widows and orphans, with a few widowers +thrown in for variety." + +"I should enjoy such a position, I believe. It never occurred to me +before. Only think! Gathering up little bits of motherless humanity +like this, and training them into noble men and women. They would go on +perpetuating my work long after my eyes were sleeping under the daisies. +Why that would be next thing to the immortality most of us long for." + +"Do you really think you would like such a career?" + +"Yes, really. If you would only help me to begin now, in a small way at +first, and build a pretty cottage in one of the Glens around Oaklands." + +"Have you no higher ambition than to take care of children?" + +"But what could be higher, at least within my reach? I am not clever +enough to write books--at least not good ones, and there are too many +fifth and sixth rate ones now in the market. My painting and music won't +ever amount to anything more than my book-writing could do; so what +remains for me but to try and make the world the better for having lived +in it? And the only way any of us can do that is to work for human +beings." + +I was in such real earnest, I forgot for the time Mr. Winthrop's possible +sarcasm. + +"You are not very moderate in your demands. Possibly I would be permitted +to share in the posthumous honors you mention, which would be some +recompense for the outlay. Of course, I would be called on to feed and +clothe, as well as shelter, your motley crowd." + +"I forgot about that. Would it cost very much?" + +"The expense would depend largely on the numbers you received, and it +might not be safe to trust to your discretion in limiting the number. +Your sympathies would be so wrought on, Oaklands would soon swarm with +blear-eyed specimens of humanity, and Mrs. Flaxman and I would be +compelled to seek some other shelter." + +"If I were only rich myself," I said, with a hopeless sigh. + +"You would very soon be poor," Mrs. Flaxman interjected, turning to Mr. +Winthrop. "I could scarcely restrain her from buying one of the most +expensive pieces of broadcloth for her blind friend." + +"He may never have had a genuine suit of West of England broadcloth in +his life, and I wanted him to have the best. The difference in price +would only amount to a few dollars; and if we were getting ourselves +a satin or velvet gown we would not have hesitated a moment over the +difference of five or six dollars." + +"My ward will need some severe lessons in economy before she can be +entrusted with a house full of children. Paris dolls and becoming dresses +for her prettiest children would soon drain the pocket." + +I said no more. My enthusiasm, viewed in the light of my guardian's cold +criticism, seemed exceedingly Utopian, and I concluded that my best plan +was to do the work that came in my way cheerfully and lovingly, without +sighing hopelessly after the impossible. To make the motherless little +fleck of immortality happy that now nestled confidingly in my arms for +a brief hour, was the work that just then lay nearest to me; and I set +myself about doing it with right good will. + +As we neared Cavendish, the kindly faced old gentleman started for his +own seat, but paused on the way at my side, and shook my hand cordially +as he said: "I want to thank you, Miss, for giving us all such a +wholesome lesson. I am an old man now, and can look back over the deeds +of more than three score and ten years; and I tell you there's none gives +me more real satisfaction than the acts of kindness I've done to others. +If I were beginning the journey again, I'd set myself to do such work as +that, rather than trying to pile up money that at the last I'd have to +leave to some one that mightn't thank me. I've a fancy, too, that the +kindnesses follow us into another life. If I don't mistake, when you get +old like me, you'll have many pleasant memories of the kind to look back +upon; and then you may remember the old man's words long after he has +crumbled to dust." + +I smiled brightly up into his strong, wholesome face and would really +have liked to know more about him, but like many a person we meet on the +journey of life, as ships on some wide sea, signal briefly to each other +and then pass out of sight, so I never saw or heard of him afterward. He +stood a moment stroking the baby's curly head, and then with a murmured +"God bless the little lad," he passed on to his own seat. I felt +instinctively that all this sentiment would be exceedingly distasteful +to Mr. Winthrop, and was amused at the look of relief that passed over +his face when our own station was reached. As I returned the baby to his +father, he grasped my hand with a pressure that pained me and said, +scarce above a whisper: + +"I will pass your kindness along to some other desolate one some day. It +is the only recompense within my power to make you." + +"What I did has been a genuine pleasure. This little fellow has far +overpaid me." + +"It was a great deal you did for me just at that bitter moment." + +"I wish I could do more to lighten your sorrow," I said, with tears of +sympathy in my eyes as I said my final good-bye, and hastened after Mr. +Winthrop, who was waiting, I knew impatiently, on the platform. I saw +Samuel assisting Thomas to control the horses, who were always in awe of +the snorting engine; and near them stood a lumbering express, into which +the men were putting the long box that I knew contained the rigid body +of the dead mother. Presently the poor husband with his baby crowing +gleefully in his arms, climbed up to the seat beside the driver, and they +started out on their lonely journey. Mr. Winthrop was singularly patient +with me, although I kept them waiting some time while I stood watching +the loaded express pass out of sight. As I leaned back in our own +luxurious carriage, I tried to picture the poor fellow's home going, and +hoped that a welcome would be given that would help to lighten his +burdened heart. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + +HUMBLE CHARITIES. + + +Mr. Winthrop had telegraphed Reynolds that morning that we were coming +home, and when we came in sight of Oaklands, just in the dim twilight, +we found the house brilliantly lighted. There was such a genial warmth +and comfort when we entered the door that I exclaimed joyously: + +"After all, there is no place like home." + +"Is Oaklands better than New York, do you say?" Mr. Winthrop questioned. + +"This is home. To every well regulated mind that is the sweetest spot on +earth." + +"Without any reservation?" + +"We do not need to make any when it is such a home as Oaklands." + +"Possibly you may think very differently when you get better acquainted +with the fascinations of city life." + +"One might enjoy both, don't you think, Mr. Winthrop? The contrast would +make each more delightful." + +"You must try the experiment before you will be able to give a correct +decision." + +"It seems to me to-night one must be hard to please to want a better home +than this, especially with an occasional change to city life. I cannot +understand why I have so much more to make life beautiful than others--so +many others--have." + +"Do you think, then, that your lot is a peculiarly fortunate one?" + +"If I did not think so, I would be worse than those Jews who fell to +murmuring on their way to Canaan. If they could have made the journey as +comfortably as I am doing they would never have said a word, I believe." + +"That is quite an original way of putting it. Theologians generally are +very severe on the poor Jews." + +"And you are usually pretty severe on the poor theologians," I said +laughingly, as I started for my room. On the way I met Reynolds, who +seemed so glad to have us back that I kissed her on the spot. + +"Bless your dear heart," she exclaimed, "it's like a flash of sunlight to +have you bursting in on us. You remind me so much of your papa. He had +just such a strong, hearty way as you." + +"Oh, Reynolds, is that so? Why did you never tell me before that I was +like him?" + +"It did not occur to me to tell you. Does it please you to know it?" + +"Certainly it does. It takes away the feeling that I am a changeling, +which often haunts me when you tell me I am odd and unconventional," +I said, turning to Mrs. Flaxman. + +"Darling, I would rather have you just as you are. If we went to make +improvements, we would only spoil a bit of God's sweetest handiwork." + +"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, what a tremendous compliment! Mr. Winthrop would read +you another lecture, if he heard you say that." + +"Some day we may need to lecture him," she said with a smile, and then +went into her own room, leaving me a trifle perplexed over her meaning. + +When we joined Mr. Winthrop in the dining room we found the table laid +with its usual precision and elegance for dinner. As I stood on the +hearth-rug, looking around the pleasant room, the firelight glancing on +the polished silver, and china, and lighting up the beautiful pictures on +the walls, no wonder the cheerful home scene made me, for the time, +forget the solitary mourner with his dead, out in the cold and darkness. +Mrs. Flaxman presently joined me. Drawing her an easy-chair close to the +cheerful blaze I knelt on the rug beside her, the easier to stroke Fleta, +the pretty Angora cat, who with her rough tongue licked my hand with +affectionate welcome. Presently Mr. Winthrop joined us. His presence at +first unnoticed in our busy chat, I happened to turn my head and saw him +calmly regarding us. "You would make a pleasant picture, kneeling there +with the firelight playing in your hair," he said, coming to my side. + +"The picture would be more perfect now that you have joined us." + +"No, my presence would spoil it. A child playing with her kitten needs no +other figures to complete the picture." + +"Ah, that spoils your compliment." + +"Mr. Winthrop very judiciously mixes his sweets and bitters," Mrs. +Flaxman said with a smile. + +"Yes; I should be too vain if he gave me a compliment really. I wonder if +he ever will do that?" I looked up into his face and saw that its +expression was kindly. + +"You would not wish me to spoil you. If my praising you made you vain, as +you just said it would, that would be the worst unkindness." + +"I want you always to be honest with me. A very slight word of praise +then will have its genuine meaning." + +"Now that we have once more settled our relations to each other, we will +take our dinners. One must descend from the highest summits to the +trivialities of eating and drinking." + +"I have never seen you very high up yet, Mr. Winthrop. I do not think +there is a spark of sentiment in your composition." + +"Alas, that I should be so misjudged. But wait until your friend Bovyer +shows you my tears." + +Mrs. Flaxman generally looked a trifle worried when Mr. Winthrop and I +got into conversation. This night, when I wanted every one to be happy, +I held my troublesome tongue in check, and made no further reply to my +guardian's badinage. + +When I went to my room for the night, I drew back my curtain and looked +out into the darkness of a cloudy, moonless night. It chilled me, I +wondered if the baby and its father, with the cold, still form of the +once happy mother, had got into the light and warmth of home. I compared +our bright evening together in the drawing-room, where Mr. Winthrop had +sat with us reading, or rather translating as he read, some splendid +passages from his favorite classical authors, a treat not often granted, +but he was, I fancied, too tired to read or study in his library alone. I +too had tried to add my share to the evening's entertainment; singing +mostly some German home songs to an accompaniment on the piano. He had +not criticised my performance, a fact very encouraging to me. + +But now, as I stood looking out into the black night, I thought of their +journey over the rough roads, already beginning to freeze, the baby cold +and hungry, and so tired. I turned hurriedly from the window and knelt to +say my prayers, a new element entering into my petitions. Forgetting the +stereotyped phrases, I remembered with peculiar vividness the impetuous +prayer uttered by Mr. Lathrop at Mrs. Blake's funeral, and I too tried to +bring comfort to another by prayer. There was such help in the thought +that God never forgets us. I so soon forgot amid the pleasures of +home-coming the sorrows of another; but He watches ever. The splendors of +His throne and crowns, and the adoration of the highest intelligences +never so absorbing Him as to cause forgetfulness of the humblest parish +pensioner, looking Heavenward for consolation. "Oh, to be more God-like, +more unforgetting!" I murmured, still lingering in the attitude of +prayer. I do not think in all my life, I had got so near to the Divine +Heart. + +The next morning an agreeable duty awaited me. First, I had the materials +for Mr. Bowen's new suit, and along with these a good many lesser gifts +for one and another. In the daily papers, I studied very industriously +the notices of cheap sales of dry goods while in the city; and for such a +novice in the art of shopping, I made some really good bargains. When I +came to get my presents all unpacked I found that Thomas' services would +be required if I took all at once. + +I found him at last in the kitchen, superintending the preparation of +some medicine for one of his horses. Making known my errand, he consented +to drive me to the Mill Road; but first assured me that it would +disarrange all his plans for the day. Thomas was an old bachelor, with +ways very set and precise; and his hours were divided off as regularly as +a college professor's. + +On our way out he informed me that the widow Larkum was very ill, with +the doctor in attendance. + +I was surprised that his words should give me such a sinking at the +heart. + +"What will become of the blind father and orphaned children if she dies?" + +"They will go to the poor farm. I pity them; for that Bill Day, that has +charge, is a tough subject." + +"She may not die. Doctors are very often mistaken. They do not know much +more about the secrets of life and death than the rest of us." + +"I allow that's true; for a couple of them give me up for death, a good +many years ago; and a pretty fright they give me for nothing." + +"Were you afraid to die?" + +"You may be sure I was. Its very unsartin work, is dying." + +"Mrs. Flaxman has lent me the lives of some very good people to read. +They were not afraid to die, but looked forward to it, some of them, with +delight." + +"They was the pious sort, that don't make much reckonin' in this life, I +allow." + +"I have read the lives of both kinds of people--the good, and those who +were not pious. The former seemed to be the happiest always." + +"They say Mr. Winthrop is a great man--writes fine works and things--but +he's not happy. I take more good out of Oaklands and the horses than he +does. He seems to sense the flower-gardens a good deal. I often find him +there early of a summer's morning when I go to work, with a bit of paper +and a pencil writing away for dear life; and he don't seem to mind me any +more'n if I was one of the vegetables." + +I smiled at Thomas' comparison; for now that he mentioned it, he did seem +something like an animated turnip. + +"I dare say he has far higher pleasures than you or I ever experience. +His thoughts are like a rich kingdom to him." + +"He's had some pretty bitter thoughts, I guess. He got crossed in love +once, and its sort of made him dislike wimmen folks. Maybe you've noticed +it yourself?" Thomas gave me a searching look. + +"I did not know he ever cared for a woman in his life. I thought he was +above such things," I murmured, too astonished to think of a proper +reply. + +"There's very few men get up that high, I reckon; leastaways, I've never +sot eyes on them." + +I turned a quizzical look on Thomas, which he understood--his face +reddened. + +"I don't claim to be one of the high kind, but I allow Oaklands is better +for me than a wife. I never sot great store by wimmen folks. They're +sort of pernicketty cattle to manage; I'd sooner take to horses; and if +one happens to die, you don't feel so cut up like as if it was a wife. +Now there's Dan Blake. Marrying's been enough sight more worryment to him +than comfort. I've figgured up the pros and cons close, and them that +keeps single don't age near as fast as the married ones. There's the +widow Larkum, if she'd kept single, she'd have been young and blooming +now. Human folks is many of them very poor witted," Thomas concluded, +with fine scorn, and then he was silent. + +My thoughts went off in eager surprise over that strange episode in Mr. +Winthrop's life, wondering what sort of a woman it was who had power so +to mar his happiness, and why she had not responded to his love, and all +the fascinating story that my sense of honor prevented me from finding +out from Thomas, or Mrs. Blake, or even Mrs. Flaxman. Now that I had +quiet to think it over, it seemed like desecration to have the stolid, +phlegmatic Thomas talk about it. + +He turned to me abruptly. "Have they never mentioned Mr. Winthrop's +trouble to you?" + +"No, Thomas, they have not." + +"Well, that's curious; but quality has different ways from nateral folks. +Well, you see, she was handsomer than any picture; looked as well as +you'd think an angel could look, and better dressed than they generally +seem to be; for any pictures I've seen of them they've only had a long +cloth around them without cut or pattern, and their wings. I've often +thought they weren't overhandy with the needle. And the day for the +wedding was sot." I stopped him there. + +"Would you tell me this if you knew I should repeat all you said to Mr. +Winthrop?" + +"I guess not; he'd turn me off without my dinner, if he knew." + +"You may be sure I shall not tell him; but nevertheless it is not honest +for us to be talking on such a subject." + +"I see you are like the rest of them. You seemed to have such a fellow +feeling for poor folks, we've concluded you were more like us than them." + +"Perhaps I am, Thomas; but gentle or simple, we ought to be alike +honorable. The Bible has only one code of morals for us all." + +"Very few that I know pays much attention to Bible rules. But here we are +at the Blakes'. I'll hitch the horse and carry in the bundles since you +want them left here. Hang it, if there ain't that ugly critter of Dan's +coming for us." + +Thomas sprang back into the carriage, and looked a good deal alarmed as +he saw me turn to meet Tiger and pat the animal's huge head. + +He fawned delightedly around me, licking my gloved hand whenever he could +get the chance. + +"You need not be afraid, Thomas. I won't let him hurt you." + +"I won't risk him. He's the crossest brute in Cavendish." + +"Why, Tiger, what a character to get!" + +To my surprise the dog looked up at Thomas, and uttered an angry growl. + +"See, now; I believe the brute understands what I say." + +"Come with me, Tiger." I started for the house. Tiger stood a moment +uncertainly, and then trotted after me. Mrs. Blake's face was radiant +when she opened the door in answer to my knock. + +"You're a thousand times welcome back; and my! but you're needed." + +"That is encouraging news. But, Mrs. Blake, won't you hide Tiger away +somewhere? Thomas is afraid of him, and, I think, not without reason." + +"I wish't Daniel 'd sell him; he frightens folks from the house," she +said, with much discontent, driving Tiger unceremoniously into the back +porch. + +Thomas soon had the bundles laid on the kitchen table, and the carriage +turned homewards, while I began unrolling the prints and flannels, frocks +and pinafores, for the Mill Road pensioners. Mrs. Blake watched eagerly; +but at last exclaimed: + +"Dear me! it must a cost you a mint of money to get all these." + +"About the price of one evening dress." + +"I hope you got all the things, then, you needed for yourself." + +"Yes, and more, I fear, than I really needed. But Mrs. Flaxman says we +owe it to our position in society to dress becomingly; but the question +to my mind is, how far it is necessary to go to pay that social debt? +When I see a family like the Larkums, my conscience tells me I owe them +a heavier debt than society." + +"I can't understand why some people have no conscience, and other so +much. It seems to me now you have just a little too much for one of +your age." + +"Please don't you discourage me, Mrs. Blake. I meet too much everywhere +else. But for you I might never have given a thought to the poor and +needy." + +Mrs. Blake went to the window and stood looking out for some time in +silence, while I sat with my hand on Tiger's head, whom I had liberated +after Thomas went away. I looked down into the brown eyes that were +gazing up at me with dumb affection. + +"Do you really like me so very much, Tiger?" I said, stooping down to +gratify him with a touch of my face. + +"I do believe he thinks more of you than of anybody. I've not seen him +look so good-natured since I come here as he does now." I fancied that +I saw traces of tears on her face, and was surprised at it, for she was +not the kind of woman constantly bubbling over, and rarely showed the +tender side of her nature, save in kindly deeds. Again she began +inspecting my goodly array of dry goods with keen interest, inquiring +the prices, and passing shrewd comments on the bargains I had made. + +"I'm afraid the Larkums won't need your gifts. If they go to the +poor-house, it won't be worth while giving them anything; the town'll +provide." + +"I do not think they will go there. Mrs. Larkum will get better, after +awhile." + +"It might do her good to hear you say; so would you mind coming over this +morning to see her? I go in every day to see to them." + +I gathered up a large bundle of flannels and prints, for herself and +children, along with the parcel containing Mr. Bowen's cloth, while Mrs. +Blake was getting ready. She came to the table, where I stood arranging +my parcels. + +"Are these to go to the widow's now?" she asked. + +"Yes, if we can carry all at once." + +"I'll see to that. I've taken many a heavier load a good deal farther." + +"But I will share the burden with you." + +"No, it looks better for me to have my arms full than you; and, anyway, +I want to do something to help them, and you too." + +I humored her fancy, only insisting on relieving her of my present for +Mr. Bowen. It was the most precious package in the lot; and I feared she +might drop it. When we reached the door of the Larkum cottage she halted. + +"You won't like the look of things here to-day. There's only the +neighbors to look after them; and the most of us has more'n enough to do +home." + +"If I am such a poor soldier as to be so easily frightened as that, you +would be ashamed of me. When they endure it all the time, surely I may +for a few minutes." + +"But you're not used to it." + +She entered without knocking, when a scene met my gaze that fully equaled +Mrs. Blake's warning. The fire was quite out, and I could see no fuel at +hand to kindle it, Mr. Bowen sat in the window trying to extract some +warmth from the dull, November sunshine; the baby crying wearily in his +arms, probably from cold and hunger combined; the other two children had +curled themselves up in an old rug, their bright eyes watching us with +eager longing, the house itself was the picture of desolation. + +I shivered under my warm fur cloak, and with difficulty restrained myself +from rushing from the place; but Mrs. Blake, laying down her bundle with +a sigh of relief, bade Mr. Bowen good morning in her usual cheerful way; +he responded with equal cheerfulness, still ignorant of my presence +there. "You find us a little cold to-day," he said, as if it were the +merest accident; "but wood has given out, and the morning seems rather +cool." + +I looked at him in amazement. How could he speak so calmly under the +circumstances? + +"How is Mrs. Larkum, to-day?" + +"Pretty low, I am sorry to say. The doctor says she needs beef-tea and +wine." + +"It's easy for doctors to prescribe." + +"He thinks she might come around if she had proper nourishment. But we +are in the Lord's hands," he added patiently. + +"Yes, and I guess the Lord has sent one of His ravens to look after you. +Not that Miss Selwyn looks like a raven--she's more like a lily." + +"Is Miss Selwyn here?" he asked, turning around eagerly. + +"Yes, I reached home last evening. I am sorry to find you in such +trouble." + +"The Lord knows what is best for us. I want nothing but what He wills for +me. If pain, and poverty come, they are His evangels, and should I dare +to repine?" + +"Perhaps He has seen that you are patient under severity, and He may send +comfort now." + +"My Father is rich and wise, therefore I am content; for I know His +kindness is without limit." + +I looked in his face. A grave, refined expression lent dignity to +features already handsome, while there was a serenity one of the Old +Masters might have coveted to reproduce on one of their immortal pictured +faces. + +"Your daughter shall have all the nourishment the doctor orders after +this; and I believe she will soon be better. The Lord is more pitiful +than we are," I said, gently. + +"God will reward you, my dear friend. Pardon me for calling you such; but +you have indeed been a friend in adversity." + +"I am glad to be a friend of one who is the friend of God. I esteem it +both an honor and privilege." + +"I pray God you may very soon hold the dearer relation to Himself of +child, if you are not that already." He turned his face to me with an +eager, expectant expression. + +"No, not in the way you speak of. I am no nearer to Him than I was in +childhood. It is only of late I realized the need to be reconciled to +Him." + +"He answers prayer." There was such a ring of joyful faith in his voice +I felt convinced there was one praying for me who had a firm hold on God. + +I turned to Mrs. Blake, who was busying herself in trying to make a fire. + +"Where can we get some coals, or do they burn wood?" I asked. + +"They sell the waste at the mill pretty cheap for kindlings, but the coal +is far cheapest." + +"Can we get some directly?" + +"Yes, with the money," she said, grimly. + +I took out my purse--alas, now far from full--when would I learn economy? + +I gave her two dollars. "Will that buy enough for the present?" I asked +anxiously; for I was exceedingly ignorant of household furnishings. + +"Deary me, yes; it'll last for a month or more." I was greatly relieved. +By that time a little private venture of my own might be bringing me +in some money. I told Mrs. Blake to present the dry goods as soon as I +was out of the house. I fancied they would have an indirect medicinal +effect on the sick woman. + +"I shall go home immediately and get Mrs. Reynolds to make some beef tea. +She will keep Mrs. Larkum supplied, I am sure, as long as there is need, +and I will either bring or send a bottle of wine directly," I said +encouragingly to Mr. Bowen, whose face under all circumstances seemed +to wear the same expression of perfect peace. + +"I have not language to express my gratitude, but you do not ask for +thanks." The assertion was something in the form of a question. + +"I have a feeling that you will make me the debtor before long," I +murmured softly, and then took my leave. Reynolds entered very heartily +into my scheme for relieving Mrs. Larkum, and Mrs. Flaxman, always eager +to help others when once her attention was aroused, packed a generous +hamper of wine and preserves, fresh eggs and prints of delicious Alderney +butter, and fresh fruits, with more solid provisions, and sent them +around by the uncomplaining Thomas, at an hour that suited his +convenience. Cook also gave me a good basket full of cooked provisions; +so I set out with Thomas very well provided for at least a week's siege. +I found Mrs. Blake still at the Larkums. She had been in the mean time +very busy getting them made comfortable; and while so doing had taken +minute stock of their ways and means. "I had no idea they was so bad +off," she assured me in whispered consultation. "There was the barrel of +flour she got with the money you give her, and not another airthly thing +in the house to eat but some salt and about a peck of potatoes." + +"Did Mr. Bowen know this morning there was so little?" + +"Sartinly; but I believe he'd starve afore he'd let on; he kinder looks +to the Lord for his pervisions, and he thinks it's a poor sort of faith +to ask human beings. I think he's most too good for such a forgetting +world as this is." + +"The Lord has provided abundantly to-day, Mrs. Blake." + +"I won't allow but somebody has. Maybe the Lord put it in your heart, I +can't say for sartin. It's a curious mixed up world, and we don't know +where men leaves off and the Lord begins; but that blind man is a +Christian, and if there is such a thing as religion he's got it and no +mistake." + +As I looked around at the changed appearance of everything about me I +concluded Mrs. Blake did the work of the Christian, even if she made no +profession. The house had been scrubbed, the stove nicely polished, and +the children's faces shone with the combined effects of soap and water +and the good cheer that was being provided. + +Mr. Bowen was sitting back, as if afraid of absorbing too much of the +heat, rocking the cradle and singing in a rich, low voice one of the most +beautiful hymns I ever heard, the look of peace that came from some +unseen source still lighting his face. With Mrs. Blake's assistance, and +with occasional exclamations of delight, on her part I unpacked the +hamper and then I took a little wine and a bunch of grapes in to Mrs. +Larkum. I was shocked at the change a few weeks had made in her +appearance. She saw the pained look in my face and her own countenance +fell. + +"Mrs. Blake told me you seemed sure I would get better. Do you think now +there is no hope?" she asked pitifully. + +"I shall not give you up until we try the effect of these," I said +cheerfully, putting the cup that contained the wine to her lips and +laying the grapes in her hand. She took a sip or two and then put +the cup aside. "I have eaten so little for several days you would soon +make me intoxicated with that rich wine. I never tasted any like it," she +said, with a pitiful attempt at a smile. I got out a slice of cook's +home-made bread, and toasting it before the fire, with Mrs. Blake's help, +we soon had a dainty lunch prepared for her with jelly, and a cup of tea +with real cream, an unknown delicacy in her cottage, floating on the top. +I carried it and watched while she ate it all. "Perhaps it may kill me," +she said, plaintively, "but I believe I am more hungry than sick. This +cold cut me right down, and I had nothing to tempt my appetite." + +"I believe Miss Selwyn is one of them wonderful people what has the gift +of healing. I've heard tell of 'em, but I never seen one," Mrs. Blake +said, regarding me at the same time very seriously. + +"I shouldn't wonder," Mrs. Larkum responded calmly. "I made up my mind +only this morning it was useless for me to expect to get round again; and +I was nearly heartbroken thinking of poor father and the children going +on the parish." + +"A nice new frock, and good vittels ain't bad medsin for poor folks +sometimes," Mrs. Blake said dryly. + +"That is true; but I was feeling very low and weak," Mrs. Larkum said, +apologetically. + +"We all know that, and more'n yourself was afraid it might go hard with +you." + +"So we have decided that it was the food and clothes that have wrought +the miracle, and not any unusual healing virtues in me," I said, quite +relieved; for the change wrought was so sudden and great, I began to feel +uneasy lest I might be possessed unconsciously of some mysterious power. + +Mrs. Larkum smiled gently. "I am not sure of that. I find you always make +me happier whenever I see you. I seem to get a fresh hold on hope, as if +there might yet be something in store for us." + +"I understand why you feel that way. I am glad it is no mere inexplicable +experience." I went into the kitchen thinking to give Mr. Bowen and the +children a few of the surplus dainties. + +He had ceased singing, but was sitting with uplifted face, as if in deep +communion with God; his lips moved, but no sound escaped. + +The eldest boy seeing me hesitate came to my side and whispered softly. +"Mother says we are not to speak when grandfather looks like that--cos +he's praying." I stood holding the child's hand, an indescribable +sensation stealing over me while I stood gazing into the rapt, sightless +face. + +Never before in great cathedral, or humble church, had I felt the awful +presence of God as at that moment. A strange trembling seized me, and, +involuntarily I turned my head away, as if I were gazing too boldly upon +holy things. I was reminded of the ancient high priest of the Jewish +religion who, once a year, took his life in his hand, and went into the +Holy of Holies, to gaze on the Divine token. + +The child, too, stood silently with bated breath, perhaps more deeply +impressed than his wont at seeing my emotion. After awhile he pulled my +hand gently and then motioned for me to stoop down to him. I did so. + +"Grandad prays every day for you. I hear him myself." He looked up into +my face with a curious expression of importance at having such a secret +to tell, and surprise that I should need his grandfather's prayers. + +A sharp knock at the door broke the spell that was holding us in such +holy quiet. + +Mrs. Blake hastened to open it, when a strangely familiar voice sounded +on my ear. + +There was a hearty ring of welcome in her voice as she bade him welcome. + +"Come right in; you'll find things better'n you might expect." + +I turned to see who was coming. A swift and kindly look of recognition in +the deep, blue eyes took me back to my first experience of Cavendish; +and an instant after I recollected, with a good deal of satisfaction, +that it was the Rev. Mr. Lathrop, whom I first saw at Mrs. Daniel Blake's +funeral. He extended his hand with such hearty cordiality that I gave him +mine in return with a good bit of my heart along with it. + +"I am glad to see you here." It was not so much in the words themselves +as the way he spoke them, that such welcome meaning was conveyed. + +"Indeed, you may be," Mrs. Blake responded. + +I saw Mr. Bowen eagerly waiting to speak to his minister, and even the +children were edging up to him with expectant faces. "He always brings us +apples," my little lad explained to me in a whisper. + +With entire change of voice he turned to Mr. Bowen and said:--"How fares +it with you, brother, in the darkness?" + +"Well, all is well." + +In low, sympathetic tones he asked:--"He still provides songs in the +night?" + +"Yes, almost as sweet as if Heaven itself were stooping to hear." + +"You have learned the secret God reveals to but few of us." + +"Ah, brother, the fault is all in us, not in Him. Gracious as he is to +me, all might share with me in this blessed inheritance." + +Mr. Lathrop turned to me. "Our friend here certainly has meat to eat of +which very few get the full taste." + +"I did not know there could be such joy in religion. It is a revelation +to me, sir." + +"Yes, we go out of our way to help others, not expecting to be repaid, +and sometimes one of God's angels meets us in human guise, and brings us +a blessing compared with which our poor gift sinks into insignificance." +He spoke to me in a low-tone. Mr. Bowen could not hear; indeed he seemed +never to notice conversation not addressed to him personally. I fancied +that his own thoughts were more agreeable than average conversation. +I stood uncertainly, longing to remain to hear more of the conversation +passing between these two men, but afraid I might thereby violate some +unwritten social code. I knew very little of the relation between pastor +and people at that time, especially in America. + +Mrs. Blake possibly read my face. She came to me and said:--"Won't you +stay to prayers? I guess most all the churches'll listen to each other +reading the Scripters and praying. I know they'd take it as a favor." She +tried to speak softly but Mrs. Blake's voice had not been trained to fine +modulations, and I felt certain Mr. Lathrop overheard her remark. + +"I would like to stay if I am not intruding." + +"I guess the best of Christians never reckon folks in the way when +they're praying together, though I shouldn't say much about them, not +being one myself," she said, dryly. + +I sat down quite near to Mr. Bowen. I wanted to study his face, and as I +listened in silence, the conversation between the pastor and this member +of his flock was a new and beautiful revelation to me. The one seemed to +help the other, while no stain of worldliness marred the even flow of +their words. After awhile Mrs. Blake handed the minister a well-worn +Bible. He opened it and turned the leaves thoughtfully, pausing at last +at the 103d Psalm. I looked at Mr. Bowen while Mr. Lathrop was reading. +His lips were softly moving as if in responsive worship, the expression +of his face like a thanksgiving Psalm. + +A moment's pause in the reading while the leaves were turned, and then +the lesson was chosen from the 17th of St. John's Gospel and selections +from the ten last chapters of Revelation. I fancied that in the pause +between his reading the minister was asking to be directed to the right +passages. Every verse seemed to bring its own special consolation, and +I was almost as much impressed with the look on Mr. Bowen's face at last, +as by the words that fell on my ears. It reminded me of the faces the Old +Masters have left us of the saints and martyrs of the early church. +Perhaps they took their models from just such men as Mr. Bowen, whom +God had left in the furnace until his own image was reflected in them. +But my deepest emotions were stirred when, kneeling with the rest, I +listened to Mr. Lathrop's prayer. + +As I listened, I had no longer any doubt as to the future well-being of +this family; but, when just at the close of his prayer, my name was +mentioned, and the fulfillment asked for the promise given by Christ, +that even a cup of cold water given in his name should be rewarded, a +strange sense of awe came over me. Was it possible I had been giving +direct to Christ--visiting His sick, and poor, and sorrowing, and making +Him glad? My eyes filled with tears, and a deep longing took possession +of my heart to know this mighty Friend who died for me, in the same real, +blessed way that these men knew, and loved Him. There were few words +spoken after the prayer was ended. The place seemed holy ground and, +shortly after, Mr. Lathrop left, first going to the little lad who had +given me his whispered confidence, and dropped a few silver coins in his +chubby fist. He stood regarding the money complacently until the door had +closed on the minister, and then, going to his grandfather, he showed, +with great glee, his store of money. + +"We will have everything now that we want, won't we, grandfather?" he +questioned, placing the money in his grandfather's hands. + +"We will always have what is best for us, Freddie; but you must never +take the minister's money again. You should give to him, instead of +taking from him." + +"So I must," Freddie responded, rather sorrowfully; "but may I take his +apples?" + +"Well, yes; you may do that, and, some day, when you are a big boy, and +earning money, you can buy him a whole barrel full." + +"I might keep a few of them?" Freddie questioned, such extreme generosity +overpowering his imagination. + +"We will see when the time comes." + +Mrs. Blake beckoned me to her side, at the further end of the room. + +"I didn't give him these; I put 'em out of sight till you'd come." + +"But I wanted him to get them while I was away." + +"Yes, I know; but it'll be easier to thank you right off, when he's +surprised. My! he'd soon have been able to fly; his clothes is that +ragged." + +"Yes, they are very poor; but, some way, one don't see much but his face. +I forget that he is poor and ragged when I look at him." + +"We're not all so blind as that. I'm going now to tell him." + +"Mr. Bowen, you'll think it never rains but it pours. I've another +surprise for you." + +"What is it?" He turned his face in the direction of her voice. + +"Miss Selwyn got you the finest piece of cloth I've sot eyes on this many +a day, to make you a new suit of clothes. Just feel of that, now." + +He stroked it softly for a moment, and then turned his flushed face to +me. "You will bankrupt us with your generosity, Miss Selwyn. But God will +pay you. He is rich and wise." + +"You are paying me, too, Mr. Bowen. Prayers are better than gold." + +He said nothing, but took up a fold of the cloth and stroked it, I +thought, lovingly. + +"I need no longer envy the swallows who build their nests in the eaves of +the Lord's house. How my soul will rejoice to meet once more with His +people! 'Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.'" + +For a moment he seemed to forget our presence. Mrs. Blake, always +practical, brought us all down to earth again by suggesting that we get +the suit made as soon as possible. + +"If the tailor will cut it for us, a few of us women folk will come in +and make it right off, so's he can get to meeting. Dan'el'll be glad to +come and take him there every Sunday." + +"I could lead grandfather," little Fred stoutly asserted. "I've been past +there lots of times." + +"Are women as good tailors as men?" I asked, doubtfully. + +"I reckon not; but they're enough sight cheaper, especially when they +work for nothing. Tailors is awful dear." + +"I want the clothes to look nicely. I will pay the tailor." + +"We can make the vest and pants well enough if he cuts 'em and makes the +coat. S'pose we call and see him on our way home?" + +I complied with her request, and found the tailor's establishment a very +humble affair on the Mill Road. Mrs. Blake negotiated with him entirely, +but he always directed his remarks to me. + +"If I hadn't a family of my own to support these hard times, I'd do it +for nothing," he assured me, over and over; "but I'll do it for half +price. My time, you know, is all the money I have, and one must look out +first for their own." + +I found he was a prosy, weak-minded creature, who, although time was so +precious, would have stood talking to me of its great value by the hour, +if I had patience to listen. I thanked him for his offer, but assured him +I would pay his usual price for the work. Mrs. Blake, however, stipulated +that she and her neighbors would relieve him of all but the coat, and I +could see he was not pleased with her interference. This matter settled, +I hastened home, very uncertain how Mr. Winthrop would regard so much of +my time being spent on the Mill Road, if he should discover I had been +there twice that day. When I got home Mrs. Flaxman told me he had asked +for me each time that I was there, but he did not say anything to me. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + +A PLEASANT SURPRISE. + + +"It would do you good to come to our meeting some Sunday, just to see Mr. +Bowen's face," Mrs. Blake remarked to me one day, some time after the +tailor and women folk had completed very satisfactorily their work. + +"I would like to go for other reasons than that. One is to hear your +minister pray once more, and also to hear him preach." + +"Can't you come next Sunday morning?" + +"Our service is at the same hour. I do not think Mr. Winthrop would like +me to leave our own church. He is very particular about such things." + +"I don't see why he should; for he don't set much store by religion." + +"He may give me permission to come some time." + +"I wish he would come too. Our meetings are so good now. Daniel has +perfessed religion." + +She spoke in such subdued fashion I looked at her in surprise, thinking +she might soon follow his example. I think she was waiting for me to say +something; but I felt myself so ignorant on this great subject, I knew +not what to say. + +"I've wished often of late that I'd never been born. Where I'm to go to +once the breath leaves my body, is an awful thought." She burst into a +fit of bitter weeping that frightened me. + +"Christ is very merciful," I faltered, not knowing what to say. + +"I've read that and heard it many a time; but we've been such a +heathenish lot, I'm afraid He's left us to ourselves." + +"If He has remembered Daniel, that should encourage you." + +"He's not lived without thinking of Him as many years as I have." + +She sat with bowed head, quietly weeping, the picture of despair. I +touched the hard, wrinkled hand that had so often generously ministered +to the wants of others. + +"Have you asked Christ to forgive you?" + +"Asked Him?" she sobbed, "I've been crying day and night for weeks; but +I'm only getting further away all the time." + +"Does your son, or Mr. Lathrop know?" + +"I reckon they don't. I was ashamed for any one to know; but I couldn't +help telling you." + +"I think it is because you are ashamed that Christ don't bless you." + +"I've felt I ought to get up and tell them in meeting what a sinner I've +been; but I've always prided myself on being as good as them that's made +a perfession, and they all know what a hard, proud wretch I am. I expect +they'd say I was a hypocrite." + +"I think if you confessed to your church what you have just told me, and +asked them to pray for you, God would make you His child. It seems to me +any petition Mr. Lathrop and Mr. Bowen would dare to present would be +received and granted." + +"It's hard on flesh and blood," she moaned. + +I saw she was in deep distress and could not understand why she was +unwilling to make the confession that might bring peace. + +"I wish I'd tended to this when I was young and my heart was easier made +new. It's next to impossible to make a crooked old tree turn and grow +straight." + +"With God nothing is impossible," I whispered encouragingly. + +"Yes, the minister said that last night, and looked straight at me. Maybe +he saw trouble in my face, and wanted to help me in spite of myself." +She grew calmer at last. "Now I won't worry you any longer, and I believe +I feel better for telling you. I mean to tell them to-night what a proud, +stubborn wretch I've been, and ask them to pray for me." + +She got up and put on her shawl with a resolute air as if her mind was +fully made up, no matter how hard the task might be. + +"We'll step in and see the Larkums. You'll hardly know them now, they're +so perked up and tidy. Deary me! how far a little help goes sometimes +when folks have a mind to help theirselves." + +On our way she said, with matter-of-fact calmness, at the same time +setting my blood thrilling through my veins: "I want you to talk with the +doctor. I just seen him going to see Mrs. Larkum, and that's what made me +hurry you off so soon from my place." + +"What do you want me to talk about?" I asked, with some surprise. + +"Well, he was looking at Mr. Bowen's eyes the other day, and he says they +can cure him up in New York, so he'll see just as well as ever." + +I stood perfectly still in the road, my surprise and gladness making me +forgetful of everything. "Can this be really true?" I gasped. + +"It's a fact; he told me so himself the last time he was there, all about +it. I can't just mind all the long words, 'twould take a dictionary to +follow him; but the long and the short of it is that he can go into a big +hospital, mostly for such things; and there's a great doctor there 'll do +it for nothing, provided Mr. Bowen lets a lot of students come and watch. +I guess that's the way the doctors gets their pay from poor folks; and +then, if they die, they have their bodies to cut and hack into. But Mr. +Bowen says they may bring all the people in the city if they want to. He +don't mind how many looks at him while they're fixing his eyes." + +"When will he go?" + +"I'm afraid that depends on you. We told the doctor so, and he asked what +made a young lady like you set such store by them?" + +"What reply did you give?" + +"Oh, Mr. Bowen answered for us. He said 'twas because you were one of the +Lord's children or was soon going to be; and one of them rare ones we +read of in books." + +"Mr. Bowen is too partial to be a correct judge, I am afraid." + +"Well, the doctor kind of thought you'd find it pretty hard to be much of +a Christian at Oaklands; but Mr. Bowen said, not any harder than them +folks what had their heads cut off and were burnt for their religion." + +"Not any harder," I said, more to myself than to Mrs. Blake, but ah! how +hard it might be, only God could know. + +"But we must plan about Mr. Bowen. Will it cost very, very much?" + +"My, no; he's got a good suit of clothes, and that's the most that's +wanted. His fare from here to New York and back 'll be the heft of the +expense." + +"If that is all, he shall go to-morrow. I have more than enough money on +hand for that, and a good deal of incidental expense beside." + +"I reckon he'll pay you all back; for he was a prime book-keeper before +he lost his eyesight. He's a good scholar, too, and got a first-rate +salary." + +"Then he will leave me deeper in debt than ever." + +"What for?" she asked curiously. + +"Many things--his prayers most of all. Lessons of patience and faith, +too, that money never could buy." + +She remained silent until we reached Mrs. Larkum's. We found the doctor +there. He was an old acquaintance. I had met him at a good many evening +parties, and at a garden-party or two, where he had several times been my +partner in lawn tennis, and an excellent partner I had found him, making +up for any lack of skill on my part. + +His greeting was exceedingly cordial, and in a blunt way he plunged right +into the business in hand. "We are very glad to see you; we have some +grave advice to ask." + +"I feel quite elated at making one in a medical consultation," I said +with a smile. + +"I am not sure if you have not done more to restore health in this house +than I. The world is too slow recognizing other healers than those +embraced by the medical faculties." + +"It's my opinion doctors knows less than one thinks of folks' insides. +They're as apt to make mistakes about people dying or getting well as any +of us. I don't put near as much faith in 'em as the common run of folks," +Mrs. Blake said with delicious candor. + +"Really, I thought you had a better opinion of us as a profession than +that. If you get sick, you will of course dispense with our services." + +Mrs. Blake looked perplexed, but after a moment's hesitation she said: + +"If I was sick I'd want to see a doctor just as much as anybody. Their +medicine is all right; for God made that. It's their judgment that's so +onreliable." + +"And who is to blame for their judgment?" the doctor asked mischievously. + +She hesitated, but her mother wit soon extricated her from the +difficulty. + +"There's lots of folks doing what the Lord didn't intend them to +do--doctors as well as others." + +"Well done, Mrs. Blake, I will retire from the field before I am +annihilated altogether." + +"You needn't be in a hurry to go. We'd like to get this business +settled first," Mrs. Blake said, a trifle anxiously, misunderstanding +the doctor's meaning. He threw me a meaning glance, and afterward +whispered,--"That woman is a diamond in the rough. Given a fair start +in life, she would have found a proper sphere in almost any calling." + +"I believe she would. She has done more for me than any other single +individual." + +"She!" he asked with keen surprise. + +"Yes, she wakened me from selfish ease to see the sufferings of others, +and to realize my sisterhood to them." + +"Yes, but you must first have had a heart to be touched, or all the Mrs. +Blakes on this planet could not have wakened it." + +"Even allowing your words to be true, does it not show power amounting +very nearly to genius to be able to arouse another to a painful duty, and +help them to take hold of it--I won't say, manfully?" + +"No, a better word is needed in this case. Woman's fine sympathy and +instinct are too perfect to be called after any masculine term wholly +human." + +"You can pay nice compliments," I said, laughing. He bowed his head +gravely--a very fine and shapely head I noticed it was too, set well on +a neck and shoulders that betokened the trained athlete. + +"Now, doctor, Miss Selwyn can't generally stay loitering very long among +us Mill Roaders, and p'raps we'd better get our business done up right +away. Anyway if Mr. Bowen is anything like me, he's getting fidgetty by +this time to know if he's likely to get to them big city doctors." + +"I have grown too intimate with patience to be so easily disturbed," he +said, gently. + +"You would like to get your sight?" I questioned. He spoke so calmly, the +thought occurred he might have grown to love the hush of darkness. His +face flushed. I never knew before or since a person of his years who +colored so easily. + +"Only God can know how I have longed to see the light, and the face of my +fellow man; but I had no hope until Death opened my eyes." + +His voice trembled with emotion. + +"What a privilege to give that man his sight," I murmured to the doctor. + +"The privilege belongs to you, I believe." + +"Oh, no indeed. I was thinking of the skill of your profession. It seems +almost God-like." + +"We do our work mainly for money. In this case I am told you supply +that." + +Mrs. Blake was waiting impatiently. + +"What is to be done? Can Mr. Bowen go immediately?" I asked. + +"To-morrow, if he is ready. I have already written to the doctor who will +take charge of his case. He is famous for diseases of the eye, especially +cataract, which is the trouble here." + +"He will need some one to accompany him?" I asked anxiously. "This seemed +the chief difficulty now." + +"Not necessarily. The conductor is a kind-hearted fellow, and would see +to him. But a friend of mine is going to-morrow, and he will not leave +him until he sees him safe in the hospital." + +"Could he be ready so soon?" I turned with my question to Mrs. Blake. + +"I've got everything ready only just to pack in a valise--fine shirts and +all, we've sat up till after midnight making fine shirts and things, me +and two other women." + +"And you dare to say after that that it is I who must have the credit of +this?" I turned a look of reproach on the doctor, as I spoke the words so +low, only he could hear them. + +"Am I really going to-morrow?"--Mr. Bowen asked, his face turning deathly +pale,--"possibly to come back to see all your faces? Miss Selwyn, I hope +you will look to me as I have always pictured you." + +"I think she will not disappoint your expectations," the doctor said, +gallantly. + +"I dunno about that. I guess he most looks to see an angel," Mrs. Blake +remarked dryly. In the ripple of laughter that followed, I turned to +little Freddie who was crying softly with his face hidden in a chair. + +"What is the matter, my little man?" + +"Why you see, Miss Selwyn, Grandad's going away, and they're going to put +a sharp knife in his eyes; and maybe he will die." He burst into a louder +fit of weeping. His mother drew him hastily into her bedroom and shut the +door--her own face pale, and almost as sorrowful as the little lad's. + +"You must tell them there is no danger, doctor." + +I followed Mrs. Larkum into her room and found that she shared Freddie's +fears and grief. + +"There is not the slightest danger to life or health in the operation," I +assured her, when her countenance began to brighten. + +"You see we've had so much misfortune I can't sense that father may get +his sight, and we be comfortable as we used to be." + +"You must have faith in God. The darkest time has been with you 'the hour +before the dawn.' Now I will give you money for present necessities for +your father. If more is required, it will be provided when necessary." I +took out my purse which, now that I was earning money of my own, I +carried about with me quite recklessly, and gave her ten crisp notes that +would buy her father a good many necessaries, beside his car fare. She +did not try to thank me but her look was enough to assure me she +appreciated my efforts for their well-being. + +That evening, as I sat chatting by the dining-room fire with Mrs. +Flaxman, waiting for the dinner-bell to ring, I told her of the beautiful +surprise I had met that day, and how I had given them the money for him +to start the following morning in search of sight. + +"Why, where did you get the money? I thought you spent every cent except +your weekly allowance when we were in New York." + +I hesitated, flushing rather guiltily; for this was the first real secret +of my life. + +"You have not been selling your jewelry, I hope," she said, quite +sternly. "Mr. Winthrop would not easily forgive such an act, after you +had been entrusted with it too." + +"I have not sold anything that belonged to anyone but myself." + +She looked at me closely, and my eyes fell before her gaze. "It is not +idle curiosity, believe me, Medoline, that makes me so insistent. I wish +you would explain how you got the money. You are unacquainted with the +habits of this country, and may have been unwittingly led into some +indiscretion." + +"What I have done is a very common thing in Europe even among the best of +people." + +"Do you mean selling your cast-off garments?" + +"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, you have as poor an opinion of me as Mr. Winthrop. I +wonder what is the reason my friends have so little confidence in me?" I +said, despairingly. + +"But, dear, there is some mystery; and young ladies, outside of tragic +stories, are expected to live lives of crystal clearness." + +"I will tell you, for fear you imagine I have done some terrible thing. +When we were in New York, I hunted up a picture-dealer and submitted a +number of my sketches, that I had hidden away in my trunk, to him, and he +consented to act as my agent. For one good sized painting of Oaklands he +has given me fifty dollars. Perhaps that Mr. Bovyer bought it, I have +felt afraid that he did; but any way the money will do good; be the +indirect means of giving sight to one of Christ's own followers. All the +afternoon, like the refrain of some beautiful melody, those words have +been sounding in my ears: 'Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the +least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me.'" Over my burning +cheeks a few bitter tears were falling, while a mad desire seized me to +leave Oaklands, and the cold, selfish life it imposed, and try in some +purer air to live as conscience urged. I walked to the farthest end of +the long room without waiting for Mrs. Flaxman's reply, and stood looking +out into the bright moonlit air. Far away I could see the moonbeams +dimpling on the waters, making a long, shimmering pathway to the distant +horizon, while in the frosty sky a few bold stars were shining, scarce +dimmed by the moon's brightness. The thought came to me that, in a few +weeks, Mr. Bowen might be thrilled by just such a vision of delight. I +turned abruptly to tell Mrs. Flaxman I could never go back to the old +life of selfish ease, when such opportunities for helpfulness were given +me, when I met her face to face. She gave me a look I will never forget. + +"Medoline, can you forgive me those unjust suspicions?" + +"Yes, if you won't interfere with my picture selling," I said joyously. + +"Hush! Mr. Winthrop may hear you. I think he is coming. But you may sell +all the pictures you can, only don't speak of it now." + +Mr. Winthrop was waiting for us. As he looked at me he said:--"You seem +to have more mental sunshine than your share--your face is so bright. +Possibly you have been having a specially happy season with your bereaved +ones." + +"With one of them I have been more than happy." + +"May I ask the name of this favored individual?" + +"It is Mr. Bowen, the blind man." + +"Ah, then, you are finding the widowers most congenial. They do not +dissolve into tears so readily as the widows; and there may be other +fascinations. Really, I shall be compelled to forbid such intimacies." + +"He is going to New York to-morrow morning, with the expectation of +having his sight restored, after being blind nearly twelve years." + +"I presume he is very poor, else you would not take such strong interest +in him." + +"He has no money. In other respects he is the richest person I ever +knew." + +"Ah, he is a most remarkable individual. However, I dare say a little +money will not come amiss to him, notwithstanding his wealth. You will +want another quarter's instalment." + +"Is my quarter up?" I caught Mrs. Flaxman's warning look, and spoke +rather guiltily. + +"Not quite, but this is a peculiarly urgent case. Probably he is wholly +dependent on your bounty." + +"Doctor Mackenzie told me that the doctor in New York won't charge +anything for removing the cataract from his eyes." + +"I see you have gone about it, in a very businesslike manner. Does +MacKenzie charge for his advice?" + +"Why, no, indeed; surely all men are not heartless." + +"In money matters they are, more or less; possibly widowers should be +excepted." + +"It is a pity some others should not lose a wife or two. A few might +require to lose half a dozen, at least." + +"That would be cruel. Think what an upsetting of one's plans and business +arrangements generally that would entail." + +"It might prove an excellent discipline. Nothing short of an earthquake, +I believe, would teach some men kindliness and their brotherhood with +pain." + +He received my remark with such unruffled serenity that I was angry with +myself for engaging in a wordy warfare with him, when he was sure to be +victorious. He sat with us for a short time after dinner, chatting so +graciously that I came to the conclusion he was not, after all, so out of +sympathy with my little benevolent projects as his words often implied. +When he rose to go he came to me, and, taking out his pocket-book counted +out fifty dollars and laid them in my hand. He paused a moment with the +pocket-book still open. + +"This is a special case, little one," he said, kindly. "May I be +permitted to contribute something for your friend?" + +He laid another note in my hand, but I did not wait to see the amount. I +started to my feet impulsively. + +"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, I must confess to you. I have not been real honest. +Won't you forgive me?" + +I felt the tears rush to my eyes, and my lips quivered like some +frightened child's, making me feel sadly ashamed of myself. He looked +startled. + +"What is it, Medoline?" + +"I earned the money myself. I have been selling pictures." + +"Is that the worst offense you have to confess?" he asked, with a keen +look into my upturned face. + +"It is the worst just now," I faltered. + +"Very well, then, I will forgive you; but I must stipulate to see your +pictures before they go to market after this, and also that you consult +with me first before launching into other business enterprises. You might +be tempted with something not quite so suitable for a young lady as +picture-selling." + +"You are so kind to me, Mr. Winthrop, I will tell you everything after +this." + +"No rash promises, please. Before the winter is over you will be plunged +into tears and distress again over some fresh exploit." + +"I won't mind a few tears if I get your forgiveness in the end." + +He went directly to his study, leaving Mrs. Flaxman and myself to the +cheerful quiet of our fireside. She turned to me saying, + +"Tell me all about your blind friend, Medoline. How you first got to know +him, and what he is like." + +I very gladly gave her as full a picture as I was able of the Larkums and +Mr. Bowen, their poverty and his goodness included. + +"You have made all these discoveries in a few months, and been doing so +much for them, and here have I been living beside them for years and did +not even know of their existence. What makes the difference in us, +Medoline?" she exclaimed sorrowfully. + +"I think God must have planned my meeting in the train with Mrs. Blake. I +would not have known but for her." + +"I expect He plans many an opportunity for us to serve our generation, +but we are too selfishly indolent to do the work he puts in our way." + +"When I came to Oaklands at first it seemed as if my life was completed, +and I wondered how I was to occupy the days, and years stretching out so +long before me. Now I believe I could find work to occupy me for a +thousand years; that is, if Mr. Winthrop lived too, and continued to help +me with my reading and studies," I added, thinking how much the latter +employment added to my enjoyment. + +"If Mr. Bowen gets his eyesight, that will be a greatly added source of +satisfaction to you," she said, wistfully. + +"Yes, I shall seem to be looking at the green fields, and flowers, and +starry skies through his eyes." + +"You are as glad to have him so richly benefited through your means, as +if he were rich and famous." + +"Why, much more so. Think what a change there will be in his +circumstances now." + +"Medoline, I think your mother's prayers will be answered." + +I turned around eagerly, "Was she a real Christian, Mrs. Flaxman?" + +"Yes, a real one, especially after her children were born. Her great +desire for them was that they might all be pure and unspotted from the +world. All of them, save you, are with her in Heaven. You may have a life +of peculiar temptation, but I believe you will be brought out of it among +the pure in heart at last." + +"Why should my life have peculiar temptations, Mrs. Flaxman?" I asked +anxiously. + +"I cannot explain to you now my reasons for thinking so. Some day I may +tell you." + +"I suppose it is because I am not like other girls of my age," I said +with a sigh. + +"No dear, that is not the reason. I should not have spoken so +unguardedly." + +"I might try to overcome the temptations if I were warned of their +nature." + +"You are a persevering child, Medoline--but still only a child in heart." + +"I am over eighteen, Mrs. Flaxman. I wonder why you and Mr. Winthrop +persist in making me out a child. When will I be a woman?" + +"Not till your heart gets wakened." + +"I wonder when that will be. Does it mean love and marriage, Mrs. +Flaxman?" + +"It means the former; the latter may not follow with you." + +"Why not? But there, I do not want to leave you and Mr. Winthrop and +Oaklands. No man could tempt me from you. But what did you mean by saying +that I might love and yet not marry?" + +"Because you are too true to your woman's instincts to marry any one +unless it was the man you loved." + +I fell into a brown study over her words, and the conversation was not +again resumed. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + +HOPE REALIZED. + + +Mrs. Larkum's recovery was slow, and it required all the nourishing food +we could provide to start the springs of life working healthfully. Her +mind had dwelt so long upon her bereavement, and dark outlook into the +future that a naturally robust, and well-fed person might have succumbed, +but when to a delicate organization had been added the most meagre fare +possible to support human existence, it was no wonder nature rebelled. +It was a new experience to me, and a very agreeable one, to watch the +pinched faces of the children grow round and rosy, and to hear their +merry laughter. + +The mother waited with feverish anxiety for tidings from her father, but +for several weeks no word came; at last she began to fear he might have +died under the strain of the operation. Mrs. Blake began to get anxious +too, while there flitted before her fancy gruesome thoughts as to what +might have been done to the poor body left to the care of those heartless +doctors. + +"I can't see why they take such delight in mangling dead people to see +how they are put together. With all their trying they'll never be able +to make a body themselves." + +"It is in that way they have learned how to cure diseases and relieve +pain," I assured her. "We ought to be grateful to them for taking so +much trouble to relieve us of our miseries." + +"I dare say we'd ought, I never thought of it that way before; in fact +I've been rather sot ag'in doctors. Perhaps if they hadn't cut into dead +folks' eyes, they couldn't have done for the likes of Mr. Bowen." + +"Assuredly not; and sometimes the very greatest doctors bequeathe their +own bodies to the dissecting room; especially if they die of some +mysterious disease." + +"That is good of them. I've always reckoned doctors a pretty tight lot, +who worked for their money jest the same's the Mill hands." + +"No doubt many of them do; but some of them are almost angelic in their +sympathy for the suffering, and their longing to lessen it." + +"I believe you can see more goodness in folks than any one I know. Now +when I get cross with folks when they don't do as I think they ought, +what you say comes to my mind; and before I know I get to making excuses, +too. It's done me a sight of good being with you." + +"And you have done me good,--taken me out of self, and taught me to think +of others. I do not know how I should have been filling up my vacant +hours but for you." + +"I wish somebody would say that much to me," Mrs. Larkum said, +sorrowfully. "I don't think I am any use to any one." + +"With these lovely children to care for, what more can you ask than to +work for them?" + +"Yes, I forget charity begins at home." + +"If you hadn't fell in with me that day in the cars, and got helping us +here on the Mill Road you'd a found some other good work to do. Most +young ladies like you would a turned up their noses at a plain old +creature like me, skeered most out of their wits, talking so bold like +as I did; but you answered me so kind like, I never thought you were +anything but common folks like myself." + +"I am very thankful to God you did meet her that day. Most like I would +have been dead by this time, and father and the children on the parish," +Mrs. Larkum said, with a shudder. + +"Yes, I am right glad, myself," Mrs. Blake said, very complacently. + +"She might have been amusing herself visiting with the aristocracy," Mrs. +Larkum continued, "and dressing up every fine day, instead of coming +among us, bringing better than sunshine with her. Dr. MacKenzie told me +folks wondered at her coming among us so much; but he said he wished +more of her class was like her." + +"Now I must leave you;" I said, rising suddenly. "When you begin to +praise me, I shall always go away." + +"Don't you like us to tell you how much you have helped us?" Mrs. Larkum +asked wistfully. "It does me so much good to talk about you." + +"I believe helping you gives me more pleasure than anything I do; so why +thank me for what I enjoy?" + +"You won't mind your own kind talking about you coming to us, and doing +so much for the poor, will you?" + +"Certainly not. While I am not dependent on my neighbors for my peace of +mind, I will come to see you two as often as I can do anything for you." + +"I am glad to hear that; I don't get over one of your visits for days. +They brace me up to take hold of life, and do the best I can for father +and the children." + +"I guess if folks does talk about you, they talked about one that was +better'n any of us. I was reading the other day about the respectable +ones in their days complaining how Christ eat with publicans and +sinners," Mrs. Blake said, giving me one of her strong encouraging +glances. + +"Thank you, Mrs. Blake; after that I can brave any criticism." + +A few days later I walked in the early afternoon to the Mill Road. Cook +had prepared some special dainties for Mrs. Larkum; so with a small lunch +basket on my arm I started on my errand of mercy. + +I had been standing at my easel a good part of the forenoon, and the +satisfaction that comes from faithful work done, together with the +assurance from Mrs. Larkum that my visits carried with them something +better than sunshine, I trod swiftly over the frozen streets, quite +content with life and its developments. I met Dr. MacKenzie on the way. +He stopped to shake hands, and with an almost boyish eagerness, said: +"Have you heard the news?" + +"Not anything special. I hope you have some good news for me." + +"Well, our friend Mr. Bowen has been heard from. The doctor has performed +his miracle." + +"Can he see as well as ever?" I cried joyously. + +"I believe so." + +I could not keep back the troublesome tears. "I am so glad you told me," +I murmured, and then nodded my adieus rather abruptly, for I was ashamed +of my emotion. It seemed perfectly fitting to me, as I walked briskly +along, that Dr. MacKenzie should be the first to tell me the news; for, +but for him, we should never have thought of making the experiment. That +very evening I met him at a party at Mrs. Silas Markham's, when he gave +me the full particulars I was too tender hearted to hear in the morning. +In answer to his inquiries, the occulist had written to him some special +circumstances of the case. He described Mr. Bowen's extreme patience. +"Such an instance of perfect trust in God is refreshing to meet with," +he wrote; "and but for this his case would probably have proved hopeless, +since it was one of the worst cases we have treated successfully." + +"His religion has helped him wonderfully all through his terrible +affliction. I wonder will he be just as devout as ever?" I said. + +"I think so. He is not made of the stuff that forgets favors received +from God or man." + +"I think he will have stronger reasons than mere gratitude to keep him +close to the Lord," I said, thinking of the joy he had in communion with +the Divine, even amid his darkness and poverty. + +That same day, after leaving the doctor, I proceeded first to Mrs. +Blake's to tell her the news. She threw a shawl over her head and +accompanied me directly to Mrs. Larkum's. We found her sitting in a +comfortable, though rather ancient easy-chair, which I had exhumed, along +with a good many other useful articles, from the garret at Oaklands. The +two older children we interrupted taking a lesson at their mother's knee. +The primer was gladly laid aside, while the children came coyly to my +side, quite certain there was a delectable bite for them somewhere in my +pockets. I dismissed that care from my mind by dividing the sweets, and +then gave Mrs. Larkum her lunch. She sat enjoying the dainty food, +sharing now and then a taste with the little ones, who had a keen +appreciation for Oaklands' cookery. I sat watching the group, glancing +now and then at Mrs. Blake's eloquent face with a good deal of +satisfaction. I was anxious to break the news carefully and scarce knew +how to begin, when Mrs. Larkum looked up at me eagerly and said: + +"Have you any news from father?" + +"What makes you think she has news?" Mrs. Blake asked. + +"I dreamed last night you brought me a letter, and I was afraid to open +it, and woke up all trembling and frightened. When I saw you coming +to-day, my heart stood still for a second or two." + +"Your dream is partly true, only the news is good. Dr. MacKenzie told me +they have every hope that your father will see as well as ever." + +I was not prepared for the effect, my words produced. A pallor overspread +her face; before Mrs. Blake could reach her she had fainted. That good +woman was always ready for any emergency. She very calmly laid her down +on the floor and proceeded to bring her back to consciousness. The +children raised a dismal wail; but this she instantly quieted by marching +them off to the bedroom. + +While she applied cold water vigorously, and rubbed the nerveless hands, +I asked in much alarm, seeing how long and deathlike was her swoon: "Is +she really dead?" + +"Bless you, no. She's one of them high-strung women that takes everything +hard. She fainted over and over when her husband was fetched home dead. I +did think then she'd drop off; but joy don't kill like trouble." + +Presently the poor creature struggled back to consciousness. + +"I am afraid I have frightened you," she said, with a feeble attempt at +apology. + +"Pray do not think of us. I may have been to blame in breaking the news +so suddenly." + +"No, indeed; the fault was not in you; but I have had so many shocks the +least thing upsets me. Dr. MacKenzie told me that my heart is not in a +healthy state." + +"I should say that was the matter with your whole body. It's a pretty +rickety concern, like my old rocking-chair. Every day I'm looking for +it to go to pieces under me," Mrs. Blake remarked. + +"I am not nearly so bad as that; I do not expect to fall to pieces for a +good many years, now that father has got his sight. He will be able to +keep us comfortable, like we used to be years ago." + +Mrs. Blake having got her patient back into the chair, administered wine +and water to prevent a recurrence of the malady. + +A week or two after this Esmerelda informed me one morning that there +were great rejoicings in the Mill Road. + +"I think they would like to see you there. I heard Mr. Bowen and some of +them talking about you last night, after meeting." + +"Mr. Bowen--was he there?" + +"Oh, yes; and he sees as well as anybody." + +"I will go to-day," I said, with difficulty restraining my delight. + +"Some of the people who attend Beech Street Church think you are a little +above everybody in Cavendish." + +Esmerelda spoke with great cordiality. Now that I had been to New York, +and the dressmakers there had transformed me, outwardly, into a +fashionable woman, I noticed that her respect had considerably increased; +and, furthermore, that some of her own costumes had been made in almost +exact imitation of mine. No higher compliment than this could Esmerelda +have paid me; neither could I help acknowledging that she looked very +graceful and lady-like in her Sunday garment, and often I fell to +speculating how she would have appeared if half her life had been spent +at a first-class boarding-school. A painful sensation, probably akin to +jealousy, suggested that probably she would have satisfied my guardian's +fastidious tastes better than I could ever do. + +But I could never treat her in the same cordial way that I treated +Mrs. Blake and the Larkums, and several others of her class. These +instinctively made me feel that, no matter how friendly I might be, there +was no danger of their trying to assert an equality, which I suppose has +existed among the members of the human family since shortly after the +expulsion from Eden. With Esmerelda the case was different. + +That day I betook myself to the Mill Road with a good deal of expectancy. +I was anxious to see the look of recognition in those once sightless, +disfigured eyes, and to hear how the long-concealed delights of a visible +world once more appeared. As I was walking rapidly along the street, I +saw, approaching me on the Mill Road, one whom I had never noticed there +before. He walked with a quick, energetic step, as if existence was a +rapture and yet I saw, beneath the soft felt hat, gray hairs that +betokened him a man past the prime of life. Strange to say, I did not +recognize the pedestrian and was surprised to see him pause, and hold out +his hand uncertainly, as if he were hardly sure of my identity. + +"I think this is Miss Selwyn." Swiftly the assurance came to me that this +was Mr. Bowen. + +"Is it possible you should first recognize me? I did not for an instant +think it was you." + +"I had the conviction all along that I should know you, no matter where +our first meeting might take place." + +"Persons are generally disappointed in the looks of their friends after +sight has been restored. You must be an exception to the general rule, or +else your perceptions are keener than the average sufferers from loss of +sight." I looked closely into the eyes of my companion, and saw that they +were unusually fine and expressive. He turned with me, saying, with a +beautiful deference: + +"May I walk back with you?" + +"I shall be disappointed if you do not give me a little of your time. I +only heard to-day that you were at home, and have come on purpose to see +you. My curiosity has been extreme to know how the world looks after your +long night." + +"Nearly everything is changed, but mostly man and his works. When the +bandages were finally removed, and all the other necessary restrictions, +I asked to have my first glimpse of the outer world into the starry +night. I do not think our language has a well deep enough to express what +I felt in that first glimpse. But the human faces are sadly changed. +Poverty and care, I find, are not beautifiers. My own daughter looks a +stranger; only when I hear her speak. My own face surprised me most. It +is changed past recognition." + +He spoke a little sadly. I could think of no comforting words. After we +had walked on some time in silence, he said: + +"I do not think the revelations after death will be any stranger than +those of the past few weeks. My blindness and restoration to sight have, +in a measure, anticipated the full return of all the faculties that +death, for a brief season, takes from us." + +"Do you think any experience we have in this world touches on those +mysteries of the first hours of immortal life? I cannot imagine any +sensation that will be common to the two existences." + +"There is certainly one--probably very, very many. I cannot believe +there will be much change in the relationship that exists between the +consecrated soul and its centre of attraction. Deepened, intensified, it +no doubt will be; but not radically changed." + +My thoughts instantly turned to the words the oculist had written. No +wonder a man living so far within the confines of the unseen should be +able to exercise almost superhuman patience under the most trying +exigencies of life. When we reached the broken gate leading into the +house, he paused and turned to me. He was silent for a few seconds, and +then said, apparently with an effort: "I want to thank you for what you +have done for me. Last night, on my way home from the house of prayer, I +was hunting up the constellations that once I loved to trace and call by +name, and, in some way, you were brought to mind with all that you have +generously done for me; and then, and there, I tried to frame some words +of gratitude by which to express what I felt. In Heaven I may be able; +for only there we shall have language for our utmost stretch of thought." + +"Perhaps before we meet there, as I pray God we may do, I may have more +reason for gratitude than you. Have you not told me that your daily +prayer is for my salvation?" + +I said good-bye hurriedly without waiting for a reply, and turned my face +homeward. Gradually there was coming into my heart the hope that ere long +I might come into the same wealthy place where he walked with such +serenity even amid life's sore trials. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + +CHRISTMAS-TIDE. + + +Christmas was rapidly approaching, and the pleasant English custom of +celebrating it with good cheer, and in a festive way, Mrs. Flaxman told +me, was a fixed rule at Oaklands. The dinner provided for the master's +table was sufficient in quantity for every member of the household to +share, down to the ruddy-haired Samuel. In addition to this, Mr. Winthrop +remembered each one of his domestics when distributing his Christmas +gifts. Mrs. Flaxman confided to me that Samuel was consumed with a desire +to have his gift in the shape of a watch. I proceeded forthwith to +gratify, if possible, this humble ambition, and first went to the +different jewelers' establishments in Cavendish to see how much one would +cost. On careful examination I was surprised to find a fine large watch +could be got so reasonably. At the time I was as ignorant as Samuel +himself of the interior mechanism of these clever contrivances to tell +the hours. The day before Christmas I presented myself as was always the +case, with some trepidation, before my guardian, following him into the +library shortly after breakfast, even though I knew it was his busiest +hour. + +"I wish to consult with you about a couple of my Christmas gifts," I said +directly, "if you have leisure to give me a few moments." + +"I am never too busy to hear anything you may wish to say, especially +anything in connection with your benevolent projects," he said, quite +genially. + +"Are you going to buy the stable boy a watch?" + +"Certainly not anything so unnecessary for that wooden-headed youth. I +doubt if he could make out the hour if he possessed one." + +"Oh, yes he could. Boys are not nearly so stupid as you might imagine," I +responded assuringly. "He is very anxious for one. I have been examining +the jeweller's stock and can get a very nice-looking watch for five +dollars. I was surprised, and think they are marvels of cheapness." + +"You go entirely by looks, I see, in the matter; but that is all that +bright-hued youth will require. Yes, by all means get the watch. Thereby +you will add considerably to the pile of human happiness, for a short +time, at all events." + +"Would five dollars be too high to pay for one?" I asked doubtfully. + +"If you can secure one at a lower price do so by all means," he said with +apparent sincerity. + +"There were some for two and a half dollars; but they looked rather large +for a boy of his size." + +"The less boy the more watch, I should say; but be sure and get a large +chain. If the watch gets to be trying on his nerves, he can use the chain +to put an end to his troubles." + +"If he needed them, there are plenty of straps and rope ends about the +stable; but Samuel enjoys life too keenly to be easily disconcerted at a +few trials. I was looking at the chains too. I did not know before that +jewelry was so low priced." + +"Yes?" he responded, more as a question than affirmation. + +"I saw elegant watch chains at one of the stores for fifty cents. I told +the clerk who I wanted them for, and he very kindly interested himself, +and showed me some that he called 'dead bargains.'" + +"Go then, by all means, and secure a bargain for the boy. I will advance +the money." + +"Oh, thank you, I prefer making the gift myself. I want also to get +something for Thomas, and I cannot think of anything but a gun or a book. +Do you know if he likes to shoot things?" + +"If Thomas developed a taste for fire-arms he might take to shooting +promiscuously, and life at Oaklands would no longer be so safe as at +present. I should certainly advise a book." + +"But some of them say he cannot read." + +"It is high time, then, for him to learn. Thomas is a marvel of thrift, +and he won't be satisfied to have the book bring in no return. A school +book would be a judicious selection." + +"I saw a book down town about horses and their diseases and treatment. +Cook says, 'Thomas dearly loves to fix up medicines for his horses.'" + +"Very well. Now that matter is settled, have you any further inquiries to +make about Christmas presents?" + +"Not any more, thank you." + +"Then I will tell you a bit of news. I expect Mr. Bovyer here this +evening. It is a great favor for him to confer on us at this +season--coming to brighten our Christmas." + +"I fancied we had the prospect of a very joyous Christmas without help +from abroad. To look at the pantry one might imagine we were going to +entertain half of Cavendish to-morrow." + +"I noticed a wistful look on your face when you came in that the purchase +of a gun and watch could not wholly account for. Tell me, what is it?" + +"Mr. Winthrop, can you really read my thoughts?" I exclaimed, in genuine +alarm. + +"Suppose I try. You would like to have a spread for your Mill Road +pensioners; possibly at the Blakes or among some of them, and thereby +utilize our overplus of provisions. Have I read aright?" My face flushed +hotly, for this certainly had been in my mind for days; but I had not +courage to make the request. + +"You do not answer my question," he said, after awhile, seeing me stand +silent. + +"One cannot be punished for their thoughts, Mr. Winthrop." + +"Then this was your thought?" he questioned. + +"Surely you must be angry with me for wishing to do it. I did not mention +it to Mrs. Flaxman, or any one." + +"Why, not, indeed. If cook is willing to share her good things with the +Mill Road people, and Mrs. Flaxman will accompany you to preserve the +proprieties, I do not see anything to hinder. I will provide all the +apples and confectionery your hungry crowd can consume for dessert." + +I stood in amazement, scarce knowing how to express my gratitude. A +sudden desire seized me to put my arms around his neck and give him a +genuine filial caress. + +"I wish you were my father, Mr. Winthrop," I exclaimed, impulsively. + +"Why so?" + +"I might be able then to thank you in some comfortable fashion." + +"I understand what you mean, little one. I told you once that I was not +anxious to have you regard me in a filial way." Then turning the subject +abruptly he said: + +"You can make all your arrangements regardless of any reasonable expense. +One may permit themselves to be a trifle generous and childish once a +year. If you see any more remarkable bargains, you can secure them and +have a Christmas tree. Have the goods charged to me." + +I did not attempt a reply. My heart just then was too near bubbling over +to permit speech to be safe or convenient. I slipped quietly from the +room. I had a comfortable feeling that my guardian could actually read my +thoughts, and knew how I regarded his act and himself. + +I went directly to Mrs. Flaxman. She entered cordially into my plans, but +looked a good deal surprised when I told her it was Mr. Winthrop's +suggestion. + +"I believe, dear, in your unselfish, impulsive way, you have taken the +very wisest possible course with him. I never hoped to see this day." + +"I believe it amuses him. I have the impression that he is working me up +into a book, only making me out more ridiculous than he ought. You cannot +imagine how I long, and yet dread to see the book." + +"But he does not write stories; so you need not be troubled about that." + +"He can write them if he chooses, and very clever ones too, I am certain. +He may be encouraging me to go on just to find out how it will all end, +but I am only one in a universe full of souls; and if others, many +others, get benefited, there will be far greater gain than loss." + +"That is the true, brave spirit to have, and the only kind that will +bring genuine happiness." + +"Now to return to our festival. Do you think cook will be willing to +share her abundance with us?" + +"Go and ask her, I do not think she will disappoint you." + +I went directly to the large, cheery kitchen, a favorite haunt of mine +of late. It was always so clean and homely, and cook was usually in a +gracious mood and permitted me to assist in any of her culinary +undertakings when I was so minded. + +Among my other enterprises I had an ambition to become a practical +housekeeper in case I might some day be married to a poor man, and have a +family to bake and brew for with my own hands. + +When I entered the kitchen I found her more than usually busy, with both +Reynolds and Esmerelda pressed into the service. + +"Shall we ever get all your dainties eaten? Won't they spoil on your +hands?" + +"I dare say some of them will; but Christmas time we expect a little to +go to waste." + +"Don't you give away some?" I asked. + +"All that's asked for." + +"I am so glad to hear it. I want some ever so much." + +"What's up now?" she asked, scarcely with her accustomed deference. + +"I want so much to have a little treat for my friends, if you will only +help. It all depends on you." + +"Why certainly; it's my place to cook for all the parties you choose to +make. It's not my place to dictate how the victuals is to be used." + +"You do not understand me. It is not here that I wish to entertain my +friends. Mr. Winthrop has given his permission, on condition you are +willing." She was greatly mollified at this and responded heartily. "Of +course I'm willing; and, bless me, there's plenty to give a good share to +them that needs it; and I guess it's them you're wanting to give it to." + +"Thank you very, very much. Now you must come to my Christmas tree, and +see how much pleasure you have been able to confer. Without your consent +nothing would have been done." + +"Yes, I'll come and help you too, and you'll need me," she said, with +much good humor. I did not wait long in the kitchen, so much now must be +done. Alas, Christmas day was so near I could not celebrate my festival +on that day; but another day might find us just as happy; and after all +it would be "curdling" too much joy into one of the shortest of our days. + +I put on my wraps and went immediately to confer with Mrs. Blake. I found +her, like every one else, in the midst of busy preparations for +Christmas. + +"Dan'el got me a twelve-pound turkey and lots of other things; and he +wants a regular old-fashioned Christmas, with all the Larkums here; and +then I have one or two little folks I'm going to have in to please +myself. Poor little creatures, with a drunken father and no mother worth +speaking about." + +"Have you very much trade now?" + +"Well, consid'able; but if you're wanting me for anything I can set up +later to-night." + +"Oh, no, indeed. I just wanted to consult you about something, and I will +help you stone these raisins while I sit with you." + +"Dear heart, you needn't do that; I'll get the pudding made in plenty of +time, but what kindness have you in your plans now?" + +"A Christmas tree. I want you to tell me what to do, and where to have +it." + +"Why, the Temperance Hall, of course, just past the mills. I guess you've +never seen it." + +"That will be excellent. I did not know you had one here. Now, when shall +we have it? To-morrow will be too soon, I am afraid." + +"Yes, and it seems a pity to have so many good things all to onct. Most +everybody has a Christmas of some sort. How would Friday do." + +"Very nicely. That will be two days after Christmas. Little folks will +have recovered from the effects of their feasting by that time." + +"Well, Dan'el 'll get a tree and fix up the Hall; and tell, then, who +you'll want to invite." + +"All the children on the Mill Road may come. We will have something for +each of them." + +"I'm very glad; for there's a few children around here that hardly knows +what it is to have anything good to eat; and it'll be something for 'em +to think and talk about. They'll not forget it, or you, for a good many +years, I can tell you. If rich folks only knew how much good they might +do, I think they'd not be so neglectful." + +I soon left Mrs. Blake to continue her Christmas preparations alone, +feeling much relieved that Daniel was going to assume the responsibility +of securing the Hall, providing the tree, and notifying my guests. I got +my presents for Thomas and Samuel, and then set about the purchase of +gifts for the Christmas tree. Picture-books, jack-knives, dolls, and +other toys comprised my selection. These, I concluded, would give the +children more pleasure than the more necessary articles which an older +and wiser person would naturally have selected. I had got so absorbed in +my work that I quite forgot our expected guest until I went into the +dining-room, unfortunately a little late, and found them already engaged +at dinner, and Mr. Bovyer with them. Mr. Winthrop explained my tardiness +in such a way that I was left a little cross and uncomfortable, and took +my dinner something after the fashion of a naughty child suffering from +reproof. Before the evening was over, however, I had forgotten my passing +dissatisfaction; for Mr. Bovyer was in one of his inspired moods when he +sat at the piano. + +I noticed afterward that Mrs. Flaxman's eyes were very red; but while he +was playing my attention was taken up in part with the music, and partly +in furtively watching Mr. Winthrop. He seemed ill at ease, and restless; +while Mr. Bovyer's utmost efforts were powerless to move him to tears. +When we had all drawn cosily around the fire, after the music was ended, +I remarked with some regret, "I do not think Mr. Winthrop has any tears +to shed. His eyes were as dry as a bone." + +"The night is too fine for such an effect. Wait until we have a storm," +he said, with a smile. + +"Your nerves are too strong for a storm to affect them. Something very +different will be required. I am afraid we must give you up." + +"Life is too smooth with him for music or anything aesthetic to ruffle the +deeper springs. Wait until he has storms and whirlwinds to withstand." +Mr. Bovyer said, calmly. + +"Oh I hope he will never have them, he has not patience like--some," I +added, after a pause. I was going to say Mr. Bowen. + +"You must know that my ward has taken my measure very correctly. She is +better than a looking-glass. Indeed I was not aware until lately that I +had so many shortcomings." + +"Medicine for a mind diseased, administered by a gentle hand, cannot be +hard to take." + +"The softest hand can sometimes wound the deepest." + +"Mr. Winthrop, surely I have never wounded you! I have not the power. To +think so would give me pain; for, in your way, you have been kind to +me--more so than I deserve," I said, impulsively. + +"We are always trembling in the verge of tragedy," he said lightly, and +then rang for refreshments; and after that we retired. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + +THE CHRISTMAS TREE. + + +Christmas morning dawned bright and clear, the one drawback the lack of +snow. Thomas had everything in readiness, and every one in the house was +looking forward to a sleigh-ride. However, all the other Christmas +customs were observed. Before breakfast was the general distribution +of gifts. We were all assembled at the usual breakfast hour in the +dining-room, when Mrs. Flaxman rang the bell for the servants to come +in. Reynolds was the first to appear. She took her seat nearest to Mr. +Winthrop; then Mrs. Jones, the cook, and Thomas, Esmerelda, and Samuel +came in. + +Reynolds got her present first--a nice black silk dress. I saw by the +pleased flush in her face that she was considerably astonished. The +others, each a five-dollar bill; and for Samuel, a jack-knife that would +be the envy of all his comrades. Mrs. Flaxman had something for each one +of them, and then I followed. When I reached Samuel and handed him the +watch from which was suspended a glittering chain, his politeness quite +forsook him. "Golly, but that's a stunner," he ejaculated involuntarily. +Suddenly remembering himself he said, very humbly: "Thank you, ma'am." +Thomas regarded his book with some apprehension; but turning over the +leaves, the pictures of so many handsome horses reconciled him. After +they had filed out I took my opportunity to deliver the gifts I had +prepared with much care for Mr. Winthrop and Mrs. Flaxman; for the latter +an idealized portrait of Hubert, in a heavy gilt frame, which I had +painted from a photograph; and for Mr. Winthrop a much better picture of +Oaklands than the one he already possessed. + +I turned to Mr. Bovyer uncertainly, and, after a moment hesitation, said: +"I have a bit of my work here for you; but it is so little worth. I am +ashamed to offer it." I handed him the folded leaves, tied with ribbons, +of Longfellow's "Reapers and the Angels," which I had spent some time in +trying to illustrate, with the hope one day of turning it into cash. He +thanked me, I thought, with unnecessary fervor, considering the smallness +of the gift, and stood examining my poor attempt to express the poet's +meaning by brush and pencil. + +"I say, Winthrop, this is really clever for one so young." + +Mr. Winthrop took the book and turned over the leaves. + +"You have reason to be proud, Medoline, that one of our severest art +critics has pronounced favorably on your work. Perhaps the being +remembered on Christmas morning has made him blind to its faults." + +"I find Mr. Winthrop a very healthy corrective against any flattering +remarks of my other friends, I accept him as a sort of mental tonic," I +said, turning to Mr. Bovyer. + +"Our morning's work is not yet completed," Mr. Winthrop said. "Please +excuse me a moment." He went into the library, and returning shortly, he +went first to Mrs. Flaxman and gave her a good sized parcel. I was +waiting so eagerly to see her open it that I scarce thought if I, too, +should be remembered; but after standing for a few seconds by the fire he +came to my side and gave me a tiny box done up carelessly in a bit of +paper. I opened it, when the most beautiful diamond ring I ever saw +glittered a moment after on my finger. + +"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, is this really and truly mine?" + +"Really and truly, yes." + +In my surprise and delight I lifted the ring to my lips and kissed it. + +"That is the prettiest compliment paid to a gift I ever witnessed," Mr. +Bovyer said, with a smile. + +"Medoline has her own way of doing things. I find her refreshingly +original." + +"That is almost better than the ring," I murmured gratefully, looking up +into his face. + +"Shall we have breakfast served now?" He turned abruptly round and +touched the bell. I bethought me of Mrs. Flaxman and looked just in +time to see her slipping off an elegant sealskin dolman, while her eyes +looked very dewy and tender. + +"Mr. Winthrop, you are making this Christmas-tide positively regal with +your gifts. So many of us that you have gladdened--Mill Road folks and +all," I said, not able wholly to restrain my affectionate impulses as I +laid my hand lightly on his--the first time I had ever so touched him. + +He folded his other hand over mine for an instant, and then we sat down +to the breakfast which had just been brought in. + +Mr. Winthrop and Mr. Bovyer spent the greater part of the day together +alone. After breakfast they took a long horseback ride across country, +only reaching home in time for luncheon, and then Mr. Winthrop had some +choice additions to his library to exhibit, that kept them employed until +dinner. Mrs. Flaxman smiled at the way Mr. Bovyer's time was engrossed by +my guardian, but I do not think either of us regretted it; for we had so +many happy fancies of our own to dwell upon that the brief December day +seemed all too short. Just before dinner I went to the kitchen to see how +Samuel was getting on with his timepiece, but found that he had been away +all day. + +"That watch of his has been more talked about in Cooper's Lane, where his +folks live, than anything else, I'll warrant, this day," Thomas assured +me. "He'll be back soon. The smell of dinner always fetches him home." + +We had scarce done speaking when I heard his step at the door, and +presently he came in. His watch-chain was arranged in most conspicuous +fashion across his waistcoat, and caught the light very cheerfully as he +stood near the lamp. + +"What's the time?" Thomas asked soberly; but Samuel was too smart to be +so easily trapped. + +"There's the clock right afore your eyes." + +"The time maybe'd be better from a bran new watch." + +I did not linger to hear more of their badinage, but the look of +satisfaction on Samuel's face found a reflection in my own heart, and I +wondered in what way I could have spent a few dollars to procure a larger +amount of happiness. We had quite a large dinner party that evening. Mr. +Hill, our minister, was there, with his wife and grown-up daughter, and +some half-dozen others of our Cavendish acquaintances. I found the hour +at dinner rather heavy and tiresome. My neighbors on my right and left +being--the one a regular diner-out whose conversation was mostly +gustatory, and the other a youth whose ideas never seemed to rise above +the part of his hair or cut of his garments. I noticed Mr. Bovyer sitting +further up on the other side of the table looking quite as bored as I +felt, his next neighbor being a young lady the exact counterpart in ideas +and aims of the youth beside me. The dinner itself was a triumph of +cook's skill, and, as is usually the case with a dinner suitably +prepared, its effect was composing. Mr. Winthrop neither drank wine nor +smoked, and did not encourage these habits in his guests; so that we all +left the table together and proceeded to the drawing-room. I was the last +of the ladies to pass from the room, and Mr. Bovyer joined me and +accompanied me into the drawing-room. I was getting interested in his +conversation, when Mr. Winthrop came and urged for some music. + +"It is impossible just now; I do not feel as if I could do justice even +to 'Hail Columbia.'" + +"Then, Medoline, you will give us some of your German songs, and, by the +time you are through, Mr. Bovyer will be in the mood to enchant us." + +"With the exception of our school examinations, I never played before so +many persons in my life. I shall find it very hard," I said, already +beginning to tremble with nervousness. + +"It will be an excellent opportunity to display your ring." + +My face crimsoned. Possibly I had allowed the hand that wore my diamond +ring a little too much freedom; but the sparkle of the beautiful gem, +that just now reminded me of a huge tear-drop, pleased me; for I was +still much of a child at heart. + +As we were crossing the room, I said: "It is not good taste for me to +take the piano first. There are others here who should have been +invited." + +"Tut, child; I never ask them. They would distract me with their noise." + +"Is that not an indirect compliment for me?" I said, looking up at him, +my good humor partially restored. + +"I shall be compelled to designate you the mark of interrogation--call +you rogue for shortness." + +"After this morning's experience, I shall not be able to find any name +nice enough for you," I said, gently. + +"That is cruel--literally smothering me with coals of fire." + +I turned over my music with trembling fingers; for, more than all, I +dreaded Mr. Bovyer. Selecting one of the simplest songs, I sat down, +determined to go resolutely through with it. When I ceased, I found that +Mr. Bovyer had joined us. I rose hastily. "I am so glad you have come; +you will reward my obedience to Mr. Winthrop, surely?" + +"Yes--by asking for some more of that tender music of the Fatherland. My +mother used to croon that song over us in childhood." + +Mr. Winthrop joined his commands; so I complied, with a German martial +song; and then, rising quickly, I went to the further side of the room, +and took a seat beside Mrs. Hill. + +"You have got tired before the rest of us, dear." + +"I would not like to tire you. Mr. Bovyer is going to play now, and we +shall none of us be in danger of weariness." + +And he did play as I had never heard him do before, filling the room with +harmonies that sometimes grew painful in their excess of sweetness. +Conversation ceased utterly--a compliment not usually paid to musicians, +I had noticed, in Cavendish. + +I glanced occasionally at Mr. Winthrop, who had taken a seat not far from +where I was sitting. He sat with eyes closed, but not betraying, by a +single muscle of the strong, self-contained face, that the music was +affecting him in the slightest. + +"This evening has given us something to remember until our dying day," +Mrs. Hill said, with a deep sigh of satisfaction, after Mr. Bovyer ceased +playing. "It was exceedingly kind in Mr. Winthrop permitting us to share +in the evening's enjoyment." + +"Was it for this he invited you?" I asked, with surprise. + +"That was the inducement to leave our homes on Christmas Day. But we do +not need a special inducement to come to Oaklands; we always consider +it a high privilege to be Mr. Winthrop's guest." + +"Yes, he can be very charming when he chooses," I said, unthinkingly, but +very sorry for my remark directly it was uttered. "Then you were only +invited here this morning, since Mr. Bovyer had only just arrived?" I +asked. + +"Oh, no, indeed; our invitations were received a week ago. Mr. Winthrop +knew he was coming." + +All these people knew Mr. Bovyer was coming, and a gala time planned for +Christmas, and I was kept in ignorance. Mr. Winthrop don't regard me of +enough importance to be intrusted with the merest trifles of everyday +life, I thought, sorrowfully; but just then my eye fell on the ring, when +it flashed into my gloomy heart a ray of light brighter than any sunbeam. + +The two following days I was so absorbed in my Christmas tree that I paid +very little attention to our guest, or anything going on about me, save +what was directly connected with the duty in hand. A list of all the +names had first to be got, and then each gift properly labeled. Muslin +bags, ornamented with bright-colored wools, were to be made, and filled +with nuts and confectionery; and, last of all, the tree had to be +dressed. Mr. Bowen and Daniel Blake entered so heartily into the spirit +of the undertaking that I found my own labors greatly lessened. Thomas +cheerfully gave up his most cherished plans to carry the supplies to the +hall, and things generally went on very satisfactorily. Others, too, sent +in hampers filled with Christmas dainties; among the rest, one from Mrs. +Hill, to whom I had very fully described my undertaking. Mrs. Blake +watched the heap slowly accumulating with a very preoccupied face; at +last she spoke her mind freely: + +"It seems a pity to have all these things eat up, and get no good from +'em. Now, I'd like to charge a trifle, and let every one come that wants +to." + +"What would be done with the money?" + +"There's plenty of ways to spend it; but if I could have a say in the +matter I'd like to give it to them poor little creatures I had for dinner +Christmas. The mother's jest heart-broke. I believe you could count their +bones; leastways all of them that's next the skin. I railly thought I +could not get them filled; but I did at last, and then they was stupid +like, they'd been short of victuals so long." + +"Are their clothes as poor as their bodies?" + +"Yes, indeed; and it does seem hard this cold weather for little children +to have neither flesh nor flannels over the bones." + +"I am perfectly willing to make a small charge, if you can let it be +known in time for the people to be prepared." + +"Oh, Dan'el and Mr. Bowen 'll see to that. Put up a notice in the mill +and post-office; everybody 'll find it out." + +So it was agreed that we should make the grown up folk pay something; but +I insisted the price must not exceed twenty-five cents. + +I went home to luncheon on Friday, very tired, but also very enthusiastic +over our tree. If I could secure Mr. Winthrop's consent to a plain +dinner, our entire domestic force could attend, and they were all eager +to do so. He and Mr. Bovyer were engaged in a warm discussion over some +knotty subject as they entered the dining-room, thereby compelling me to +leave my question for sometime unasked. But Mr. Bovyer presently turned +to me and said, + +"Really, Miss Selwyn, you must think we have forgotten your existence." + +"Oh, no, indeed; but I should like you to converse on something within +nearer range of my faculties for a little while." + +"We are all attention." + +I turned to Mr. Winthrop as he spoke: + +"Is it really imperative that you have a regular dinner to-day? Could you +not take something easily prepared, a cup of tea, for instance, and some +cold meats, and the like?" + +"You propose a genuine funeral repast. Is anything about to happen?" + +"Our Christmas tree; and our entire household is eager to go, yourself +excepted." + +"Why can't we all go?" Mr. Bovyer suggested, with considerable eagerness. + +Mr. Winthrop looked aghast. + +"They would think on the Mill Road the millennium was dawning if Mr. +Winthrop were to step down among them," I said. + +"Then by all means let us foster the illusion." + +"I will take the baked meats, Medoline, or a cracker and cheese--anything +rather than that crowd." + +"That is ever so kind. I will come home to brew you a cup of tea myself. +Ever since I was a child I have wanted to prepare a meal all alone--it +will be really better than the Christmas tree; I mean more enjoyable." + +"You have the greatest capacity for simple pleasures of any one I ever +knew. We shall accept your services. Before you are through, you may find +the task not so enjoyable as you think; but at the very worst we will +give our help." + +"Thank you very much; but one ignoramus blundering in the kitchen will be +better than three." + +Mrs. Flaxman looked greatly amused, but she very willingly gave her +consent for me to come home while the guests were absorbed with their +supper, and gratify my life-long yearning. The others were quite as well +pleased as I; and cook permitted me to concoct, unaided, some special +dishes for our repast. I laid the table myself, not accepting the +slightest help from any one. My cooking ventures turned out quite +successfully, and after a while my preparations were completed, so +far as was possible, until the finishing touches just before dinner was +served. I went and dressed myself for the evening's entertainment. I took +equal pains with my costume, as if I were going to entertain a party of +friends at home, and it may be I was foolish enough to have a feeling of +elation that my Mill Road friends should see me for once dressed like a +real lady. The picture that my glass gave back when the pleasant task was +all completed was comfortably reassuring. Mrs. Flaxman I found waiting +for me, when I went downstairs. Thomas had brought out at her direction a +huge, old-fashioned carriage, that in the old days they had christened +"Noah's Ark," and into it we all crowded, even including Samuel, who had +an ambition for once in his life to have a drive with the aristocracy. + +When we reached the hall, we found it already crowded, although it wanted +a full hour before supper was to be announced. Mr. Bowen was doorkeeper, +and on the table at his side I was glad to see a goodly heap of coin. +Mrs. Blake stood near, regarding the money with unconcealed satisfaction, +which considerably deepened when Mrs. Flaxman stepped up and shook hands +with her. Daniel seemed to be master of ceremonies, and was walking +around with a mixed air of anxiety and satisfaction. The work was new to +him, and he was somewhat uncertain all the time what to do next. But on +the whole he managed everything with good common sense. He had the +children seated directly in front of the tree, some fifty of them, he +assured me. Their faces were a picture of genuine childish delight. +Probably memory would hold this scene clearly pictured on some of their +hearts long after I was sleeping under the daisies. Long tables were +ranged down each side of the house, on which was placed the food the +people had come to enjoy. We walked slowly past them, and were surprised +at the judgment and good taste of the arrangements. I waited until the +children's tea was over. They were really the guests of the evening, and +must be first served. Then in the bustle of getting the table in +readiness for the older ones, I made my escape. + +Thomas was waiting near to drive me home, his face quite radiant at the +success of our enterprise. Arrived at Oaklands, I entered with great glee +into our culinary operations, and soon had the dinner prepared. When my +gentlemen came into the dining-room I was sitting, hot, and a trifle +anxious, at the head of the table awaiting them. My respect for the +powers in the kitchen that carried on our domestic machinery with so +little jar, greatly increased. We had a laughable time changing the +plates for our different courses. Thomas, who was installed in +Esmerelda's place at the back of my chair, was about as awkward in his +new situation as I was; but at the close of our repast, Mr. Winthrop, +with apparent sincerity, assured us he had not enjoyed a dinner so much +since his boyhood--a compliment that fully repaid me for my worry until +I had thought it well over, and saw that it was capable of several +meanings. I entertained them with a lively description of the scene going +on at the Temperance Hall. Mr. Bovyer declared his intention of +accompanying me on my return--a resolution, I could see, that was +anything but pleasing to Mr. Winthrop. I was secretly very glad, since it +was possible he might make a donation to our doorkeeper. Once on the way, +Thomas drove his horses as I had never seen him do before. Possibly he +was afraid the supper might all be consumed. He had paid his fee, and was +resolved to get his money's worth. He may have hoped that by some happy +chance he might sit down with those with whom he could not expect on any +other occasion to have a similar privilege. I paid particular attention +to Mr. Bovyer. As we passed Mr. Bowen's table I saw him drop, in quiet +fashion, a bank note upon it. Mr. Bowen hastened to make change, but Mr. +Bovyer shook his head and passed on. I turned to look at Mr. Bowen, and +saw his face suddenly light up so cheerfully that I concluded he had +received a generous donation. I led Mr. Bovyer up where the children, +growing now very curious over the Christmas Tree, were with difficulty +preserving the proprieties of the occasion. He looked them over +carefully, as if they were some distinct species from another planet, and +then turning to me, said, "Did you say these were all poor children?" + +"Their fathers are day laborers, and some of them are without that useful +adjunct to childhood." + +"They look rosy and happy." + +"I presume they would look happy under present circumstances if their +fathers were tramps. You should see the homes some of them will return to +when they leave here. You would wonder at the forgetfulness of +childhood." + +"How did you chance to think of this merry gathering?" + +"I am not sure it was chance. All our thoughts do not come in that way." + +"Are the children here who are to reap the largest benefit from this +affair?" + +"Yes. Do you see those pale, pinched-faced girls with the pink-cotton +frocks on, sitting at the end of that farthest bench, and these two boys +just in front with clothes several sizes too large?" + +He stood silently regarding them for some time, and then said: "The world +is strangely divided. It is one of the reasons that makes me doubt the +existence of a beneficent All-Father." + +"But these may get safely into the light and fullness of Heaven." + +"Yes," he said, thoughtfully; "but how few of them will live up to the +requirements of admittance to that perfect place?" + +"The rich have as many shortcomings as the poor. Sometimes I think they +have even more." + +"You are very democratic." + +"Is that a serious charge against me? The one perfect Being our world has +seen chose poverty, and a lot among the lowly. When the world grows +older, and men get wiser, possibly they will make the same choice." + +"There have been solitary instances of the like along the ages--men of +whom the world was not worthy--but the most of us are not such stuff as +heroes are made of." + +I turned to him with kindling eyes: "Wouldn't you like to be one of them, +Mr. Bovyer?" + +He gave me a look that some way I did not care to meet, and turned my +eyes away quickly to a restless black-eyed little girl who was stretching +eager hands to a pink-cheeked dollie. + +"You feel the sorrows of the poor and suffering more keenly than the most +of us, I fear, Miss Selwyn," he said--more to draw me into conversation +than anything else. + +"My sympathies are of a very easy-going, aesthetic kind. Some of your +splendid music makes me cry. While I listen, I think of the hungry and +broken-hearted. I seem to hear their moans in the sob and swell of the +music. It was that which made Beethoven's Symphony so sad." + +He did not say anything for a good while, and fell to watching the +longing in the children's faces, and my heart grew very pitiful towards +them. They were so near and yet so far from the objects of their desire. +So I resolved while the supper table was being cleared to begin the +distribution of my gifts, or rather, of Mr. Winthrop's. + +I set Mr. Bovyer to work gathering the bags of confectionery, while I +carried them around to the excited children, taking bench by bench in +regular order, and filling the little outstretched hands, usually so +empty of any such dainties. The people came crowding around to watch, +while I began stripping the tree of its more enduring fruits. Mothers +with tears in their eyes, as they saw their little tots growing rapturous +over an unclothed dollie, or some other toy, beautiful to the +unaccustomed eyes of the poor little creatures. The tree was stripped at +last, and the children absorbed in the examination of their own or each +other's presents. Most of them seemed perfectly content, but a few of the +little boys looked enviously at the jack-knife in a companion's hand, +while casting dissatisfied glances at what had fallen to themselves. + +It was time at last for the little folks to go home, and mothers soon +were busy hunting up children and their wraps. + +The closing scene in the entertainment was the public announcement of +the evening's receipts; and we all looked with surprised faces at each +other when Mr. Bowen informed us that there was within a few cents of +one hundred dollars. "Some of our guests this evening have treated us +very generously; notably one gentleman in particular, who dropped a +twenty-dollar bill on the table beside me," Mr. Bowen said, in +conclusion. I gave Mr. Bovyer a meaning glance and also a very grateful +one; but it was apparently thrown away; for not a muscle of his face +moved in response to my smile. Mrs. Blake went around for a while like +one in a dream. "Deary me! it'll be jest like a fortin' to 'em," she +ejaculated at last; "but Miss Selwyn 'll have to take charge of it, or +that mis'able Bill Sykes 'll drink it up in no time." + +And then it was decided to act on Mrs. Blake's suggestion, and the money +was given to me to expend on Mrs. Sykes and her children as they +required,--a task soon accomplished when their need was so urgent. We +went home that night very elated at the success of our venture. Cook +was slightly inclined to assume a large share of the credit, and as her +labor in the matter of cake and pastry making was so much greater than +anything I had done, I gracefully yielded her all the credit she could +desire. No doubt, in all undertakings, from the capture of a kingdom to +a tea meeting, there are many among to whom the honors by right belong. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + +THREE IMPORTANT LETTERS. + + +One evening when I returned from a long walk, Esmerelda gave me a letter +directed in the most fashionable style of ladies' handwriting. I was a +good deal surprised at receiving a letter through such a source, +especially as Esmerelda whispered me to secrecy. I had no time to break +the seal, for callers were waiting; and when they left, Mr. Winthrop +summoned me to the study for a review of the week's reading. This was +a custom he had some time before instituted, and I was finding it +increasingly interesting. He selected my course of reading, and a very +strong bill of fare I was finding it, some of the passages straining my +utmost power of brain to comprehend. He had, as yet, confined me chiefly +to German literature, mainly Kant and Lessing, with a dip into Schiller +now and then, he said, by way of relaxation. He seemed gratified at the +interest I took in his efforts to develop my intellectual powers, and +sometimes he sat chatting with me, after the lesson was ended, by the +firelight, until we were summoned to dinner. His mind appeared like some +rich storehouse where every article has its appointed place; and while it +held many a treasure from foreign sources, its own equipment was equal to +the best. I could not always follow him. He gave me credit, I believe, +for much greater brain power than I possessed; but what I could not +comprehend made me the more eager to overcome the impediment of ignorance +and stupidity. In these hours in his own study, where very few, save +myself, were permitted to enter, he laid aside all badinage and severe +criticism. I blundered sadly, at times, over the meaning of some +specially difficult passages; but he helped me through with a quiet +patience that amazed me. I mentioned it one day to Mrs. Flaxman, +expressing my surprise that he should so patiently endure my ignorance, +and stupidity. + +"It is just like him. He has a world of patience with any one really +trying to do good work. I think he begins to understand you better. He is +prejudiced against our sex in the mass. He thinks we are more fond of +pleasure than of anything else in the world; but if he once finds his +mistake, his atonement is complete." + +"Why is he so prejudiced?" I asked, hoping Mrs. Flaxman would continue +the story Thomas had begun. + +"He has had good reason. He is not one to rashly condemn one." + +"But is it not rash to misjudge the many for the wrong doing of the +single individual? It does not prove all are alike." + +"Have you ever heard anything, Medoline?" She asked anxiously. + +"Merely a hint, but I have built many a story on that." + +"You must not trust servants or ignorant folks' gossip. I hope your Mill +Road friends do not talk about your guardian." + +"They scarcely mention his name. Mrs. Blake certainly expressed surprise, +a long time ago, when we gave those vegetables away, that such a thing +should take place at Oaklands. I would not permit any one to speak +unkindly of Mr. Winthrop in my hearing," I said, proudly. + +"That is right; he is not easy to understand, but one day you will find +he is true as steel." + +She left the room abruptly. I fancied she was afraid I might ask +troublesome questions. Now as I sat in the study, I began to listen and +dream together, wondering what sort of woman it was he could love and +caress, and how she could lightly trample on his love. The tears came to +my eyes as I looked and listened, picturing him the central sun of a +perfect home, with wife and children enriching his heart with their love. +When those deep gray eyes looked into mine, my drooping lashes tried to +conceal from their searching gaze, my mutinous thoughts. Strange that +this particular evening, while I sat with the half forgotten letter in my +pocket, imagination was busier than ever, while I found it more than +usually difficult to comprehend Lessing's ponderous thoughts; and the +desire seized me to leave these high thinkers, on their lonely mountain +heights, and, with my guardian, come down to the summer places of +everyday life. + +He noticed my abstraction at last, for he said abruptly: + +"Are you not interested in to-day's lesson, Medoline?" + +I faltered as I met his searching eye. + +"I am always interested in what you say, Mr. Winthrop; but to-day my +thoughts have been wandering a good deal." + +"Where have they been wandering to?" + +My face crimsoned, but I kept silent. + +"I would like to know what you were thinking about?" he said, gently. + +"A young girl's foolish fancies would seem very childish to you, after +what you have been talking about." + +"Nevertheless, we like sometimes the childish and innocent. I have a +fancy for it just now, Medoline." + +"Please, Mr. Winthrop, I cannot tell you all my thoughts. They are surely +my own, and cannot be torn from me ruthlessly." + +"What sort of persons are you meeting now at your Mill Road Mission?" + +He suddenly changed the conversation, to my intense relief. + +"The very same that I have met all along, with the exception of the Sykes +family--they are a new experience." + +"Were you thinking of any one you know there just now, that caused your +inattention?" + +"Why, certainly not, Mr. Winthrop. I do not care so very much for them as +that." + +He was silent for a good while, in one of his abstracted moods; and, +thinking the lesson was over for that day, I was about to leave the room. +He arose, and, going to the window, stood looking out into the night--I +quietly watching him, and wondering of what he was so busily thinking. +Presently he turned, and, coming to the table where I was sitting, stood +looking down intently at me. + +"Medoline, has it ever occurred to you that you are an unusually +attractive bit of womanhood?" + +I drew back almost as if he had struck me a blow. He smiled. + +"You are as odd as you are fascinating," he said. + +He went to his writing-desk. I watched him unlock one of the drawers and +take out two envelopes. He came back and stood opposite me at the table. + +"I received, a few days ago, a letter from my friend Bovyer, in which he +enclosed one for you, which I was at liberty to read. Probably I should +have submitted it to you earlier, but----" + +He did not finish the sentence, and stood quietly while I read the +letter. The hot blood was crimsoning my neck and brow, and, without +raising my eyes, I pushed the letter across the table, without speaking. +He handed me another. A strong impulse seized me to fly from the room, +but I had not courage to execute my desire. The second letter was fully +as surprising as the first. It was from another of Mr. Winthrop's +friends, who had frequented our hotel in New York. I recalled his face +readily, and the impression his manners and conversation had made on my +mind. He had fewer years to boast than Mr. Bovyer, but more good looks. I +finished his letter, and, still holding it in my hand, unconsciously fell +to recalling more distinctly my half-forgotten impressions of his +personality. I remembered he could say brilliant things in an off-hand +way, as if he were not particularly proud of the fact. I remembered, too, +that he had genuine humor, and had often convulsed me with a merriment I +was ashamed to betray; but, strange to say, of all those who had haunted +Mr. Winthrop's parlors in those two weeks, not one had paid me so little +attention as this Maurice Graem; and now both he and Mr. Bovyer had +written, asking my guardian's permission to have me as life-long +companion and friend. + +"What shall it be, Medoline? You cannot say yes to both of them." + +The question startled me. + +"Are you very anxious for me to leave Oaklands?" My lips quivered as I +spoke. + +"Why, child, that is my trouble just now. I am not willing ever to lose +you--certainly not so soon as these impetuous youths desire." + +"Mr. Bovyer is not young," I said, with a lightened heart. + +"What shall I say to them, then?" + +"That I do not want to leave Oaklands. I am so happy here." + +He made me no reply, but turned again to his writing-desk, and was +locking the letters safely away when I left the room. Then I bethought me +of the letter still unopened in my pocket, and was hastening to my room, +when Mrs. Flaxman intercepted me. + +"Won't you come into my room, Medoline, just for a few minutes?" + +I followed her with some reluctance; for Mrs. Flaxman's few minutes, I +imagined, might extend into a good many, if she got to talking. + +"I want to show the presents Mr. Bovver has sent us from New York--one +for each of us." + +She lifted the cover from a box on her stand, and handed me the most +superbly-bound book I had ever seen. + +"Yours is the prettiest," she said, admiringly, as I turned over the +leaves, looking at the engravings. + +"Don't you like it, dear?" she asked, surprised that I was so silent over +my prize. + +"Yes--if it had not come from Mr. Bovyer." + +"Why, Medoline! not like a gift coming from one so kind and true as he +is?" + +"I wish I had never seen him." I threw down the book and burst into +tears. + +"Surely, Medoline, you have not fallen in love with him? I should be so +sorry, for he is not a marrying man." + +"No, indeed," I cried, indignantly; "but----" And then I stopped; for +what right had I to tell his secret? + +"Oh, Mrs. Flaxman, is it not dreadful to be young? Men are such a +trouble." + +"Why, my child, what is the matter? You act so strangely I do not +understand you." + +"No? Well, I cannot explain. But won't you ask Mr. Winthrop, please, if I +must keep this book?" + +"Why, certainly you must keep it. It would be rude to return Mr. Bovyer's +gift." + +"But you will ask?" + +"Oh, yes, if you insist; but he will only smile, and say it is one of +Medoline's oddities." + +I went to my room. But the traces of my tears must be removed, and the +dinner-bell was already ringing. However, at the risk of being late, I +broke the seal of my letter. I was getting terrified lest it might be +another proposal of marriage from some unexpected quarter; for, I +reflected, when misfortunes begin to come they generally travel in +crowds; but this was not a love-letter. It read: + + "Dear Miss Selwyn:--I have been informed of your kindness of + heart and sympathy for all who are in distress, and therefore am + emboldened to come to you for help. If you would call on me to-morrow, + at 3 P. M., at Rose Cottage, Linden Lane, you would confer a lasting + favor on a sorrowing sister. I am yours, very respectfully, + + "Hermione Le Grande." + + P. S.--I must ask for perfect secrecy on your part, and that no mention + whatever of my name, or letter, be made at Oaklands. I trust to your + honor in the matter. + + H. L. + +I locked the letter up in my drawer and hastened to the dinner that +certainly would not be kept waiting for me. I was hoping that the +question about Mr. Bovyer's book would be asked and answered in my +absence; but was disappointed; for just as Mr. Winthrop arose from the +table, at the close of dinner, Mrs. Flaxman mentioned the arrival of the +books, and whence they came. + +"It is quite profitable, chaperoning young ladies, you will find;" he +said, dryly. + +"But, Medoline does not wish to keep hers. She acted quite strangely +about it; and insists that I must ask you, if she shall keep it." + +"Mr. Bovyer would feel aggrieved if we returned his present. I think you +must keep it," he said, turning to me. + +"Most young ladies I have known are proud to get keepsakes from your +sex." + +"I hope Medoline is not going to be a regulation young lady." + +"Why, Mr. Winthrop, what has caused you to change your mind? You used to +condemn me for being so very unconventional." + +"I have made the discovery that you have something better in its stead," +he said, quietly. I looked up quickly to speak my thanks, but kept +silent. + +"Yes, Medoline is the only one of us that tries to do her duty by others. +She has helped the poor more in the few months she has been here, than I +have done in nearly twenty years." + +"But she confines her benefits to the poor and bereaved solely. She seems +to forget the prosperous may be heavy-hearted," Mr. Winthrop suggested +with a smile. + +"I do not intermeddle with that which lies beyond my skill to relieve. +Any person can relieve poverty if they have money." + +"Possibly you are wise to confine your helpfulness to the simpler cases +of sorrow." + +"I think the griefs of the rich are mostly imaginary and selfish. In this +beautiful world, if we have our freedom, and health, and plenty of money, +we are simply foolish to be down-hearted; only when death takes away our +dear ones; and after a time the pain he gives ceases to smart." + +"You are very practical, Medoline, and look through spectacles dipped in +sunshine." + +"Well, I believe she is right," Mrs. Flaxman said, with an air of sudden +conviction. "We are not half thankful enough for our blessings and +persist in wearing the peas in our shoes for penance, when we might as +well soften them like that wise-hearted Irishman. It would be a blessing +if Medoline had medicine for other griefs than those poverty causes." + +I saw her cast a meaning look at Mr. Winthrop, which brought the color +to my cheek, and set me to soberly thinking if I might not bring him +surcease from bitter thoughts, and then it occurred to me, with all this +commendation was there not grave danger of my getting uplifted unduly? + +"It seems to me that you and Mr. Winthrop go to extremes in your estimate +of me. First, you keep me so low in the valley of humiliation that I well +nigh lose heart, and then you hoist me on a pedestal, making me grow +dizzy with conceit. I suggest that we pass a law not to talk about each +other at all." + +"But you cannot hope to be perfect unless wise friends point out your +foibles," Mr. Winthrop assured me. + +"I have never expected to reach such a height. It would be so lonely for +me, you know--no society of my own kind, save here and there a poor and +humble soul," I said, wickedly. + +"Nevertheless, one should make the effort to stand on the top round of +the ladder of human excellence." + +"It is a long ladder, and the climb is wearisome, and death soon +interposes and ends our ambition," I said, wearily. + +"But you have such perfect assurance respecting the to-morrow of death, +you must believe that excellence gained here will be so much capital to +carry with you into that life; but you implicit believers very often +voice your faith rather than live it," Mr. Winthrop remarked, with a +touch of his accustomed sarcasm. + +"Mr. Bowen lives his quite as well as he talks it, but he is the nearest +perfection of any human being I ever expect to meet." + +"That is hard on our set, Mrs. Flaxman. Medoline, it seems, has fished +out of the slums a veritable saint, and handsome as he is good. If I +remember right he is a widower." + +"Yes, certainly, he is the one she got the suit of clothes for when she +was in New York." + +He turned to me abruptly and asked, + +"How old is he?" + +"I have never asked him," I said mischievously, "but he looks older than +you." + +"Medoline, what are you saying? He was a grandfather years ago." + +"And I am afraid that is an honor which Mr. Winthrop will never attain," +I tried to say sympathetically. + +Mrs. Flaxman cast him a startled look; but he smiled very calmly as if +the words had merely amused him. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + +MRS. LE GRANDE. + + +I was impatient for the appointed hour to come when I was expected at +Rose Cottage. I had tried to get further information from Esmerelda +respecting Mrs. Le Grande; but she seemed unwilling to say much about +her, leaving me more mystified than ever. + +"You will know all pretty soon from her own lips, Miss, and it would cost +me my place if Mr. Winthrop knew I was meddling with what didn't concern +me." + +"Mr. Winthrop is not a severe master. I think he interferes very little +with our household matters." + +"But this is different; and please, Miss Selwyn, don't let on to a soul +that I gave you that letter. Mrs. Le Grande said if I didn't take it some +one else would; and it was an easy way to earn a trifle." + +"But if there is anything wrong in the matter it is the hardest way in +the world to get money," I said, perplexed at her words. + +Linden Lane lay back from Oaklands a mile or more, and led me on a road I +had never traversed before, although I had often planned to take it on +some of my exploring journeys. But it led away from the sea shore, and +that probably was the reason I had hitherto neglected it. There was a +strip of woodland belonging to the Oaklands estate through which a part +of the road lay. There had been a recent fall of snow and this was still +clinging heavily to the trees, especially to the spruce and hemlocks, +bringing strangely to mind the muffled, mysterious figures of the Sisters +of Charity and Nuns, as I used to see them gliding about the streets of +the old world cities. Here and there interspersed with the evergreens +were beech, and maple, and other hardwood growths, with their graceful +leafless branches stretching up like dumb pleading hands toward the +pitiful sky. I grew so interested seeking out specially picturesque +forest growths, and glimpses into the still woodland depths under the +white snow wraith which I might come again to study more closely, and put +on my canvas, that I so far forgot the business of the hour as to find +myself a half hour after the appointment at still some distance from +Linden Lane. Shutting my eyes resolutely on the rarest bits of landscape +caught now and then through a chance opening in the trees, I walked at my +best speed along the drifted road. Esmerelda had described the cottage so +minutely that I had no trouble in recognizing it. Once past the strip of +woodland, a bend in the road brought me at once into a thick cluster of +houses with a few linden trees bordering the street that had given to it +its rather poetical and alliterative name. One house much more +pretentious than the rest, I at once recognized to be Rose Cottage. I +rang the bell and was so quickly admitted, I concluded the tidy looking +little maid had been posted at the door on the lookout for me. I gave her +my card and inquired for Mrs. Le Grande; a formality quite unnecessary, +as she assured me she knew who I was and that the lady was already +waiting for me. + +"Just come this way. She has a parlor upstairs; and my! but its a +stunner." + +I received the information in perplexed silence. But the little maid +apparently did not look for encouragement, for she continued chattering +until the door of the "stunning" apartment was closed behind her. A +bright fire was burning in the grate at my left. In the swift glance with +which I took in all the appointments of the room I acknowledged that the +girl's description was correct. The walls were lined with pictures which +I could see were gems; rich Turkish rugs concealed the common wood floor; +while on brackets and stands were ornaments of rarest design and +workmanship. I had only a few moments, however, to gratify my curiosity; +for a _portiere_ at the farther end of the room was lifted, and a vision +of female loveliness met my view such as I had never seen before. +Probably the surroundings, and the unexpected appearance of this +beautiful woman, heightened the effect. + +She paused and looked at me intently. Instinctively I shrank into myself. +She seemed to be in some swift, clear-sighted way taking my measure, and +labeling the visible marks of my personality. Then she came graciously +forward, her step reminding me, in its smooth, gliding motion, of some +graceful animal of the jungle that might both fascinate and slay you. + +Her eyes were of that dark, velvety blue, that under strong emotion +turns to purple, and when she chose could melt and appeal like a dumb +creature's, whose only means of communicating their wants is through +their eyes. The lashes were long and curved; her complexion delicate as +a rose leaf, with a fitful color vanishing and re-appearing in the peachy +cheek apparently as she willed it. Her hair, a rare tint of golden auburn +was wreathed around her head in heavy coils that reminded me of the +aureoles the old masters painted about the beautiful Madonna faces. Her +mouth, I concluded, was the one defect in the otherwise perfect face. The +teeth were natural and purely white, but long, and sharp, reminding one +in a disagreeable way of the fangs of an animal of prey; the lips, a rich +scarlet, were too thin, and tightly drawn for a judge of faces to admire; +the chin was clear-cut and firm--a face on the whole, I decided, that +might drive a man, snared by its beauty, to desperation. There was +passion and power both lurking behind the pearl-tinted mask. + +Her attitudes were the perfection of grace--apparently, too, of unstudied +grace, which is the mark of the highest art in posing. She sat in a +purple velvet easy-chair, whose trying color set off her fine complexion +perfectly. Her voice was low and well modulated, but it had no +sympathetic chords; and therefore I could not call it musical or +pleasing. She thanked me in very exaggerated terms for having responded +to her appeal. + +I exclaimed, rather impulsively, in reply-- + +"I expected to find the author of that pathetic letter in great distress, +and came, hoping to relieve; but I cannot be of any service here." I +glanced around the luxuriously appointed room, and then let my eyes rest +on her elaborate costume. + +She smiled, "You are young, and have not yet learned that rags and +poverty seldom go hand in hand with the bitterest experiences of life." + +"That is the only kind of trouble I am sufficiently experienced to meddle +with. For imaginary or abstract woe you should seek some older helper. +I would suggest Mrs. Flaxman. She has more patience with refined mourners +than I." + +"Mrs. Flaxman could do me no good." + +Tears stood in her eyes, making them more beautiful than ever, and quite +softening my heart. + +"Won't you lay aside some of your wraps? I shall feel then as if you will +not desert me at any moment. The room is warm, and they are only an +incumbrance." + +I complied, and removed my hat and fur cloak, which were beginning to +make me uncomfortably warm. She wheeled another easy-chair and bade me +take that; my eyes, grown suddenly keen, took in the fact that the velvet +covering was suited to my complexion. + +"What artistic taste you must have when you are so fastidious about +harmony in colors," I said, admiringly. + +"One might as well get all the possible consolation out of things. The +time for enjoying them is short, and very uncertain." + +She drew a low ottoman and sat down close to me. "I have a long, sad +story to tell you, and I want to be within touch of your hand. You will +perhaps be too hard on me." + +She sat, her face turned partly from me, gazing intently into the fire. +Perhaps she had a natural dread of going over a chapter in her life she +might wish had never been written. + +Meanwhile the wonder kept growing on me why this exquisite woman should +come to me for sympathy. A feeling of pride, too, began swelling my heart +to think that I could be of use to others than the hungry and naked, +while I thought of the surprising account I should have to give at the +dinner-table that evening, of my adventure. My self-complacency was +destined to a rude shock. She turned to me suddenly, and asked, "How +old would you take me to be?" I looked my surprise, no doubt, but began +directly to examine critically the face before me. "I want you to tell +me the truth. We don't value flattery from our own sex; at least, I do +not." + +I could see no trace of time's unwelcome tooth in that smooth, ivory +skin, as unwrinkled as a baby's face, while the rounded outlines and +dimples would have graced a debutante. + +"You are a long time deciding," she said, playfully--the color coming +fitfully under my scrutiny. + +"I will hazard twenty, but you may be older." + +"You think not any younger than that?" The curving lashes drooped and an +entirely new expression swept over the charming face. + +"Now you look almost a child," I exclaimed with surprise. "You are a +mystery to me, and I won't try to guess any more, for it is pure guess +work." + +She laughed merrily. "You are greatly mistaken. I was twenty-six +yesterday." I may have looked incredulous, and she was very keen to read +my thoughts. + +"You do not believe me. Did you ever hear of a woman over twenty making +herself out older than she was?" + +"My experience is but limited." I still believed that for some reason of +her own she was deceiving me respecting her age. + +"When you hear my story your surprise will be that I do not look six and +thirty, instead of a decade younger." + +Her next question was more startling than the first. "How do you like Mr. +Winthrop?" + +I replied guardedly that I liked him very well. + +"Excuse me, but that is not a correct reply. No one that cares for him at +all does so in that moderate fashion. They either love or hate him." + +"Have you ever known him intimately enough to be able to say how he is +liked, or deserves to be?" + +She answered me by a low ripple of laughter. My perplexity was +increasing, but I quite decided this Hermione Le Grange, as she called +herself, had not a very sad heart to get comforted. + +"Do you find Mr. Winthrop very amiable, in fact would you call him a +lady's man?" + +I paused to think carefully what answer I should give. "If he were a +lady's man, probably before this he would have taken one for a wife." + +"You have only answered half of my question," she said so gently I could +not resent it. + +"My guardian is very patient and indulgent with me. If he were more so I +should find it hard to leave him some day." + +"You mean when the day of marriage comes?" + +"I have not thought anything of marriage yet. I mean, not seriously. +Every young girl has her dreams, I suppose; but mine as yet are very +vague and unreal. At twenty-one I am my own mistress. Then probably my +life of ease will come to an end." + +"Ah, you have dreams of a career. From what my servants tell me I +concluded you were not one of our regulation, conventional young ladies." + +My cheeks flushed; for this was a tender place for her to touch. + +"Is Mr. Winthrop pleased that you are so thoughtful of the poor, and so +generous in your impulses?" + +"Really, Mrs. Le Grande, you would make an excellent lawyer. I do not +think I have had so many personal questions since I came to America. +School girls forget themselves sometimes, when they are of a very +inquisitive disposition." + +She looked me fully in the eyes as she said: "You have been wonderfully +patient and very circumspect. I am sure in his heart Mr. Winthrop +respects you even if he is at times a trifle cavalier in his behavior." +Her eyes were still upon me with the innocent, childlike expression on +her face I was beginning to understand and fear. I said very calmly: "He +can be exceedingly fascinating when he chooses, and if he really cared +for one, I cannot imagine anything he would hesitate to do for them, +provided it was honorable. I could not conceive him stooping to a mean or +unworthy action." + +"Mr. Winthrop will be flattered when I repeat your words." + +"Then you know him?" + +"You will think so when you hear my story." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + +MRS. LE GRANDE'S STORY. + + +"Did you ever hear that Mr. Winthrop was within one day of being +married?" + +My surprise at first rendered me speechless; but at last I murmured, +"No." + +"Then you have never heard the tragedy of his life. You have heard that +for some reason he was embittered against our sex." + +"A mere hint." + +"So I should judge, or the rest would also have been told. Your +acquaintance have been remarkably guarded. Well, I will tell you all +about it." + +"I do not wish you to tell me. I think Mr. Winthrop desires I should +never know the particulars of that circumstance, else Mrs. Flaxman +would have told me." + +"You are very sensitive about your guardian. Women cannot afford such +fine sense of honor. Men do not treat us in that way. If they find we +have a skeleton concealed somewhere, they will not rest until it is +brought out into the glaring light, for every evil eye to gloat on." + +"Not every man. Many of them would help us to conceal what gave us pain. +I believe Mr. Winthrop is one of them. Then should I listen to what he +wishes buried in oblivion?" + +"It may be for his happiness that you should, dear; and my story and his +are, for awhile, the same." + +I had risen to put on my hat and cloak to get away from the temptation +she pressed upon me; but at her last words I sank back into the chair. + +"Can you be the woman he loved and was to marry?" + +"Would it surprise you very much if I said Yes?" + +"It would, and it would not." + +"Your words are ambiguous. I was told you were exceedingly frank and +impulsive, but one cannot always believe the public verdict." + +I was silent. I recognized I had a clever woman to deal with, and for +some reason she wished to use me for her own purpose, I was assured. She +arose, and crossing the room disappeared through the tapestry portiere. I +watched her as she moved gracefully away, her long silken robe seeming to +give additional height to her already tall figure. She presently +returned, bringing a richly bound album, and laid it, open, on my knee. +I glanced at it, and saw my guardian's pictured face looking at me, +brighter, happier than it had ever done in reality. + +"Does he look like that now?" + +I studied the picture before I answered. + +"His face looked nobler as I watched it last night while he was talking +of some of his favorite authors. It is stronger now, though. Noble +thoughts have matured the lines that were then only imperfectly formed." + +"Does he admit you to his study and converse on his favorite themes?" she +asked, the childlike expression vanishing suddenly from her face. + +"Yes." + +"Do you understand and enjoy what he says?" + +"I do not understand all he says. I am trying to lift myself to a nearer +level with him." + +"Ah, you aim to be learned. His tastes must have greatly changed, if he +admires such females." Her eyes fell, but I fancied there was a gleam in +them not altogether pleasant to behold. I remained silent, not caring to +explain it was Mr. Winthrop's wish that I should continue, to some +extent, the work that had occupied so many years of my life. She turned +the leaf of the album, and her own face looked out at me, not any more +beautiful than now, but still as perfect as a poet's dream. + +"We had these taken the same day!" + +She turned still another leaf and they sat together, she looking sweetly +at me, but his eyes, I could fancy resting on her with a look in them I +had never seen. + +"He had the artist destroy the negative, but I secured this one, he +fancies the flames have swallowed them all. You will have no further +scruples listening to his story?" + +"Yes, I have scruples. Much as I would like to hear it, I desire you to +tell me nothing but what you feel certain he would be willing for me to +hear. Otherwise I cannot look into his eyes without a feeling of guilt." + +"I did not think there was such a ridiculously conscientious woman on the +earth. Believe me, you are formed after a very unusual pattern. But you +must at least hear my story; otherwise you cannot help me." + +"I have been waiting with what patience I could command for the last hour +to hear it. I must be home before nightfall, and it is now approaching +sunset." + +She turned partly away, thereby giving me the better opportunity to +admire the perfect contour of face and neck, with the color coming and +going fitfully as she talked. + +"Like you," she said, "I was an orphan, and like you I was very rich." + +I started with surprise. She looked at me in her keen, intuitive way. + +"What! did you not know you were an heiress?" + +"I have never had the curiosity to ask. Mr. Winthrop will explain +everything at the proper time." + +"An old-fashioned woman, truly, patterned after the immortal Sarah, who +called Abraham her lord," she said, with a soft little laugh that angered +me exceedingly. + +"The beginning of our destiny has been something alike--both orphans, and +both rich beyond our utmost need. I too was educated on the other side of +the sea, first in a quiet little English town, Weston-Super-Mer, where my +grandmother lived, and afterward in Paris. If I had never gone to the +latter place, I might not be sitting here compelling a scrupulous +listener to hear my story." + +She was silent awhile, a half-suppressed sigh escaping her, over these +bygone memories. She continued her story: + +"I was quick to learn, soon acquiring the accomplishments necessary for a +woman of the world to know; and, finding my guardian easy to manage, I +escaped from the restraints of the school-room much earlier than is +usual, and plunged into the gayeties, first of Parisian, and afterward of +New York society. I became a belle from my first ball, and was soon +almost wearied with conquests that caused me no effort. One evening I met +Mr. Winthrop. My chaperone, the following day, gave me a detailed history +of himself and fortune, and recommended me to secure him for a husband. +I resolved to bring him to my feet, reserving the privilege of accepting +or not, as I chose. I subsequently found, in order to meet him, it was +necessary for me to forsake, occasionally, the ball-room, and to +frequent, in its stead, the concert and lecture hall. By degrees I gained +his notice, and the very difficulty of winning him made the task all the +more congenial. Like you, I developed a fondness for literature, and, in +order the more quickly to gain the desired knowledge, I consulted +dictionaries, encyclopaedias, and hired private tutors to cram me with +poetry, history, and information generally of art and its manufacturers. +At first I could see he was more amused than fascinated at my shallow +acquirements. But gradually my personal charms, rather than mental, +conquered his proud reserve, and the glance of his eye came to express +more than mere amusement at my exhibitions of knowledge, or cold +admiration for the beauty I strove more than ever to heighten. If I found +him hard to conquer, the exultation when my task was achieved was +correspondingly great, while I knew his judgment rebelled against giving +his love to one his inferior in those things he best esteemed. But, to +skip a long bit of the story, we were engaged and the marriage day set; +but as our intimacy ripened, the conviction grew upon me that I should +have a master as well as husband; and I made the discovery, before very +long, that the greater part of our time was to be passed at Oaklands, +since the solitude best suited his literary tastes. I knew very well that +he would soon get absorbed in those pursuits from which I had been able +to draw him for a brief time, and then I would be compelled to satisfy +myself with the mild excitement of conjugal affection, housekeeping, and +the insipid tea-drinkings for which Cavendish has been noted. Not very +long after our engagement, I met, at a grand society ball, George Le +Grande. He professed to have fallen in love with me at first sight, and +his wooing had all the passionate ardor of a Southern nature; for he was +born in the Sunny South, his father being a wealthy French planter. After +my betrothed's somewhat Platonic love, his passionate worship was +acceptable, and, as the hour of my pastoral life at Cavendish drew near, +my fancy turned, irresistibly, towards the free, gay life Le Grande +offered me. We had grown so intimate I confessed to him my repugnance to +the mild joys awaiting me. Here I made my great mistake; for, with his +brilliant imagination, he drew charming pictures of what our life might +be, tied to no particular spot, but free to roam, citizens of all lands. +My trousseau was nearly completed; but the choosing and trying on of fine +garments did not still the mutinous thoughts seething in my brain. One +evening--shall I forget it in a thousand years?--while Mr. Winthrop was +at Oaklands, overseeing some special preparations to do honor to the +home-coming of his bride, I met Le Grande at a ball. He danced superbly, +and he was my partner that evening in so many dances that my chaperone +began to look darkly at me; while I saw many a meaning glance directed at +us. But I was fancying myself more in love with my gay partner than ever, +and once, in a pause of the dances, when he whispered, 'If to-night would +only last forever, with you at my side, I should be content.' + +"I came swiftly to the conclusion that life without George Le Grande +would be tasteless, and resolved then and there to yield to his +entreaties and fly from my solemn bridegroom. But my mind was wavering, +and I kept putting it off until the very night before my marriage morn +that was to be. We left the city by a midnight train, and after +travelling until morning we stopped at a country village--really I forget +the name, if I ever knew it--and were married in a little country church +by a dull, old minister who regarded us suspiciously all the time he was +performing the ceremony. I was sure he thought us a runaway couple, +but that did not trouble me so much as that obscure marriage with a +heavy-looking pair brought in from a cottage near at hand to witness the +ceremony. I kept contrasting it with the stately ceremony that was to +have taken place nearly at the same hour, in old Trinity, with the organ +pealing forth the wedding march, the rush of guests and sight-seers, +orange blossoms and perfumes, and all the bewildering vanities of a +fashionable wedding. Before I had signed my maiden name for the last +time, I began to regret my rash step, and ere the month was ended the +thorns of my ill-advised sowing were springing up around me. We were +neither of us so constituted as to make the best of a bad bargain, and +our married life had scarce begun when we began magnifying each other's +failings, and soon our brief passion had burnt itself out. Ah, me! with +what regret I used to look back to this quiet town, and the stately calm +of Oaklands, after one of our vulgar quarrels. I learned too soon that +my husband was a gambler, and that my fortune had been a more coveted +prize than myself; but fortunately, neither of us could touch anything +but the interest until my eldest child should come of age. So often in my +free-hearted days we had made merry over my father's ridiculous will! Now +how I thanked him for his wise forethought while my husband stormed +because it was so far beyond his reach! We might have lived in all my +accustomed style on the interest if my husband had been just; but now, +instead of sumptuous apparel I had to make the best of garments bought +before my marriage, while cheap hotels took the place of my former +elegant surroundings. My one passionate desire was to be free from this +hated union and many a time, no doubt, I was a murderess in my heart in +my longing to see him dead. At last my wish was granted. He was brought +home to me one night, a pistol-shot through his heart, received in a low +gambling hell. I did not trouble to inquire the particulars. He has been +dead a year. I have returned to America--for, at the time of his death, +we were in Europe. I have waited a decent time; and now, can you guess +what has brought me to Cavendish?" + +I shrank away from her when she turned towards me, a gracious smile on +her face. "You are silent. Is it a hopeless errand I have come on, think +you?" + +"If you have come to seek Mr. Winthrop's pardon, I think it is----" + +"You do not realize my influence over him. I could bend him to my will +like the merest child." + +I opened the album which still lay on my knee. "You must not expect to +meet the same man you knew here. He has changed--matured since then--if +I can judge from his face." + +"His heart, I am convinced, is unchanged. He is not one to forget the one +passion of his life. You have not gauged the depths of his character. Ah, +me! that I should have flung such a man away!" + +I made no reply, seeing she was convinced of her power; but, with all her +maddening grace and beauty, I kept the hope still that she would fail. +I could fancy Mr. Winthrop trampling ruthlessly on the strongest pleading +of his heart sooner than stoop to the degradation of a second time asking +her to be his wife. + +"You have been thinking it all out, and have decided there is no chance +for me." + +"How do you know?" I asked, startled by her correct guess. + +"Your face is a very open page. Be careful when you get to love a man, +which as yet I do not think you have ever done, lest your secret may too +easily be discovered. Men usually care very little for what costs them no +trouble." + +My face flushed hotly, but I made her no reply. + +"I expected you to flash back that you were never going to fall in love. +It is the way with most unsophisticated young people." + +"If I should, and my love is returned, I will be faithful to any vows +I may make." + +"My dear friend, you are too inexperienced to make such rash promises. +You do not know what mutinous elements are slumbering in your heart." + +"God help me to have principle enough to smother them if they are there +and get wakened." + +I rose to go, as night was rapidly falling. + +"I can stay no longer and so far as my helping you is concerned, I have +been summoned uselessly," I said, coldly. + +"No, indeed; I have heard that you were very pure minded, and see the +public estimate of your character is correct. I want you to teach me to +be like you, true and good." + +She looked into my eyes with such a guileless expression that, for an +instant, I thought she might be tired of her old, heartless life, and +long to be better. I stood looking with some perplexity into the fire, +scarce knowing what to say; but, turning my eyes suddenly, I saw a +mocking gleam pass over her face. + +"You would find it very tame patterning after me. I would advise you to +seek some higher ideal--one more worthy your superior powers." I bowed +and was turning towards the door. + +"Just one moment longer--won't you come again? I have a favor to ask of +you, but the moments have slipped away so rapidly I have not had time to +say all I want. Tell me, do you not think I have sinned past all +forgiveness, and should become an outcast from Oaklands and its master? +Is that the old-fashioned Christianity the Bible teaches?" + +"I cannot say that it is not." + +"Do you not say every day 'Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them +that trespass against us?'" + +"Yes. But the one who has done the wrong is commanded to do his or her +part also, to bring forth fruits showing their repentance." + +"Am I not about to do that when I humble myself, as I shall do at the +first suitable opportunity, to that proud man?" + +"Are you not suing for more than that? Have you come here merely to be +forgiven?" + +"You must not turn inquisitor. I have not, however, offended against you, +therefore you will come to see me again. Shall we say to-morrow? I seem +to feel as if Oaklands and Mr. Winthrop were brought near to me when you +are present." + +"I cannot promise to come again this week, at least." + +"Shall we say next Monday then? But it seems such a long time to wait. I +was not trained to patience in childhood, and I find it a difficult task, +learning it now." + +"Unless something unforeseen should happen to prevent, you may look for +me on Monday next." I promised, feeling a sort of pity for her in her +lonely condition. + +"Just one word more. Your guardian, they tell me, does not attend church +regularly." + +"Mr. Winthrop does not profess to be a religious man." + +"Could you not influence him to a better life? Have you ever asked him to +accompany you to church?" + +"Certainly not. He is a better judge than I as to his duty in the +matter." + +"I do not think so. I fear he is drifting very far from his boyhood's +teachings. His mother was a perfect woman, so far as I have been able to +learn." + +I looked my surprise; for I had not expected to hear such words from her +lips. + +"You must not judge me so harshly," she said, with gentle reproach. "I +hope I am not quite so bad as you think." + +"I am very glad you are interested in Mr. Winthrop, for other than +selfish reasons," I said, bluntly. + +She bowed her head meekly. "You will try to influence him then in the +matter of church going and other pure endeavors--won't you?" + +"I will try," I promised, rather uncertainly. + +"And begin at once." + +"Yes. I have given you the promise and usually keep my word." + +"Then good-bye until next week." + +The lamps were lighted when I passed along the oak walk that was my +nearest approach home to Oaklands, and the fact that I had broken my +promise to Mr. Winthrop never again to remain out alone after night +filled me with alarm and self-reproach. I succeeded in gaining the house +unperceived and was in abundant time for dinner, which I feared might +have been served. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + +THE CHANGED HEART. + + +When I entered the softly illumined dining-room, I was surprised to +find Mr. Winthrop standing near the fire, and gazing into it with a +preoccupied expression. Mrs. Flaxman was sitting in her favorite corner, +a book lying open on her knee, her eyes fixed on Mr. Winthrop somewhat +anxiously. Instinctively I felt something unusual had disturbed their +serenity--the sympathetic influences about me in the air which most of us +know something about, acquainted me with the fact. I was almost beside +Mr. Winthrop when he began to say, "Medoline must not know"--the sentence +was left unfinished, for Mrs. Flaxman seeing me said, abruptly, + +"Why, Mr. Winthrop, here is our runaway." + +He turned towards me, a startled look in his eyes. "Have you been out?" +he asked, with some surprise at her remark. + +"Yes," I looked at him with a pathetic interest never felt before. + +"Visiting your Mill Road pensioners?" he said, with a peculiar gesture, +as if trying to rid himself of some unpleasant reflection. + +"Not to-day, I do not go there every time I am out." + +"No, indeed, Medoline does not confine her kindness to those poor folk +alone," Mrs. Flaxman interposed. + +"You do not seek for the sorrowful elsewhere, I hope?" + +"The heavy-hearted are not confined to that locality alone, Mr. +Winthrop." + +"You include those also in your ministries of mercy," he said, with that +rare smile which strongly reminded me of a bright gleam of sunshine +falling on a hidden pool. + +"I am not so vain as to think I can reach their case. After I have +experienced the ministry of sorrow, I may touch sad hearts and comfort +them." + +"You are not anxious to suffer in order to do this. Remember, misery +sometimes hardens." + +"If we take our miseries to God, He can turn them into blessed evangels," +I replied softly. + +"Where did you learn that secret, Medoline?" + +"It was Mr. Bowen who taught me. God left him in the darkness, and then +gave him songs in the night--such grand harmonies, his life became like +a thanksgiving Psalm." + +"I hope you are not going to indulge in cant, Medoline. It does very well +for poor beggars like them; but for the enlightened and refined it is +quite out of place." + +"The very noblest specimens of humanity who have climbed to the utmost +peaks of intellectual excellence thought as Mr. Bowen does; as I hope +to think--God helping me, as I do think," I said, with a strange gladness +coming into my heart as if the old, hard heart had been suddenly changed +and made clean for the Master's entrance. + +"Poor little girl, I wish you had something more tangible than illusions +to rhapsodize over." + +My eyes filled with such happy tears as I lifted them to him, standing at +his side. "If you could only trust God, believe in Him as Mr. Bowen does, +you would find every other delight in life illusive, compared with the +joy He would give you." + +"Child, is that your own experience?" + +"Yes," I murmured softly. + +He turned and left the room abruptly. I went to Mrs. Flaxman, and, +kneeling beside her, my head on her knee--a posture we both enjoyed--I +anxiously asked: "Have I angered Mr. Winthrop?" + +"No, dear, he was not angry, for I was watching him; but you did what I +have not seen any one do to him for a good many years. You touched his +heart; 'and a little child shall lead them,'" she murmured so softly, I +scarce could catch the words. + +"I am not a little child, Mrs. Flaxman," I remonstrated. + +"Your are in some ways, darling. Your mother's prayers for her children +have been answered. Those God has already taken are safe; and you are one +of His little ones whose angel one day shall behold His face in joy." + +"I am glad my mother prayed for us; God is so sure to answer a mother's +prayers. I suppose it is because they are really in earnest. But did she +ask anything special?" + +"That you might be kept pure from the world's pollution, and get what was +really for your good. Her letters to Mrs. Winthrop were full of this: +They are all preserved among Mr. Winthrop's papers, and some day he will +give them to you." + +"She was a Christian, I think, like Mr. Bowen,--one who really had a hold +on God." + +"I never knew one so unspotted from the world. I too shall call her +mother if I meet her in the Heavenly places; for it was she brought me to +Jesus." + +"Mrs. Flaxman, is it easy to come to Him,--to be His disciple?" + +"So easy, the way-faring man, though a fool, need not find it too +difficult." + +"I believe Christ has said to me as He did to the Magdalene: 'Daughter, +thy sins, which are many are all forgiven thee.' Is it not grand to be +His child? There is nothing in the world I want so much as to do His +will." + +"You stepped out of your way, Medoline, to help others, and they have +done more in return than you gave," she said, the tears filling her eyes. + +"I might not have found Christ for years, but for Mr. Bowen--perhaps +never," I added with a shudder. + +The dinner bell ended our little fellowship meeting by the firelight. Mr. +Winthrop came and we took our places at the table, the dinner going on +in the same precise fashion as if there were no such thing as glad, or +breaking hearts. There was very little conversation; and dinner ended, +Mrs. Flaxman and I were left alone directly. I longed to ask what it was +Mr. Winthrop decided I must not know; and the mere fact of his so wishing +deterred me from asking. But I felt convinced it was in some way +connected with Hermione Le Grande. Neither could I confess to Mrs. +Flaxman that I had only an hour or two before heard from her own lips the +terrible wrong she had done him, or her plainly expressed determination +to win him back once more. + +Usually an excellent sleeper, I lay that night finding sleep impossible, +and counting the quarter hours as the great hall clock rang them out in +the still space. I made the discovery, too, in the solemn hush of the +night, when thought grows most active and intense, that notwithstanding +his coldness and positive cynicism, I cherished for my guardian in the +short time I had been with him an affection stronger than I had ever felt +for any one since I had lost my two intensely-beloved parents--a loss +that had embittered the otherwise happy period of girlhood. I had never +realized until that night how much he was to me. Pity, perhaps, for the +bitter pain that had so changed his whole nature, may have awakened me to +the fact; but still there was an inexplicable charm about him that even +merry-hearted, trifling Hubert felt, and forced his unwilling regard. I +shrank with sudden pain from the mere thought of seeing him married to +Hermione Le Grande; but instinctively feeling that his was one of those +still, changeless natures which never outgrows a master passion, and +recalling her beauty and grace, I could only commit him to the sure care +of the God whom he affected to believe does not take cognizance of human +joys or griefs. With this there came such a sense of peace and security, +that my mind grew calm; and sleep, that soothes every heartache, brought +its benison. The next day I felt certain both from Mrs. Flaxman's manner +and Mr. Winthrop's, that some disturbing element was in the air; and +finding Mrs. Flaxman more inclined to solitude than society, after my +forenoon's work was ended--for what with the reading Mr. Winthrop +appointed, and the time appointed by myself for painting, the entire +morning until luncheon I found quite short enough. I started for Mrs. +Blake's. I found her in a very happy mood. + +The revival was still progressing in the Beech Street church, and +Esmerelda, from day to day, had been telling me how happy Mr. Bowen +was, and how some folks liked to hear him speak and pray better than +any preacher in town. Now Mrs. Blake gave me particulars that the +dress-loving Esmerelda had failed to note. "Dan'el and me have been +oneasy about the way we've lived ever since Margaret died," she said, +after we had been chatting a while about the meetings, and Mr. Lathrop, +the pastor of Beech Street church, and its late ongoings. "Dan'el +especially felt as if there wa'n't any chance for him; but since Mr. +Bowen has got out to the meetings, he's been a powerful help. It seemed +as if he jest knew how the Lord looked on us. Night afore last I went to +meeting with my mind made up to stay there until I found if there was any +mercy for me. I mind how I felt as I walked along the road. The snow was +deep, and the night cold, and everything seemed that desolate--my! I +wished I'd never been born. I don't know what made me, but I looked right +up into the sky all at onct; the stars were shining bright, and I thought +if God could keep all them hanging there on nothing, year after year, he +could keep me in the place He wanted for me, if I'd only agree to let +Him; and right there I stood stock still in the snow and said, 'Lord, I'm +a poor unlarnt creatur', but I want you to keep me where you want me, the +same as you do the stars. I'll take the poorest place in earth or Heaven, +if you'll only adopt me as your own.' I meant what I said, and the Lord +just then and there sealed the bargain; and my! but I went on to the +meeting that happy I didn't know if I was on earth or up among the holy +ones, who are forever praising God. Dan'el had got much the same blessing +some time ago, and when we came home he took down the Bible and prayed. +The preacher tells the heads of families if they want to keep their +religion they must build an altar as the patriarchs did. Religion is the +same now as then." + +Mrs. Blake stopped only for want of breath. + +"And are you as happy now as you were that night?" + +"Everybit; and so is Dan'el. It's something that stays with one; and the +longer you have it, and the more you have, the better content you are. +The night I got converted, when we come home from meeting, Dan'el sot +talking more'n he usually does; for he's a powerful still man, and, at +last, he says: 'If Marget had only lived till now, she might have got the +blessing too;' and then he burst right out crying. But he's never +mentioned her sence, only last night, in meeting, he said, if we had +friends in the other world that we weren't sure were in glory, we mustn't +let that keep us sorrowful, but jest work all the harder for them that +was still in the world. I didn't think Dan'el could be so changed. I +heard him try to sing this morning; but, dear, his singing is something +ter'ble. He has no more ear than a cow. Maybe the Lord turns it into good +singing--he looks at the heart, and perhaps it sounds better up among the +angels than them great singers does that gets a forten for one night's +singing." + +"I am sure it does," I said, emphatically. "He will make splendid music +by-and-by, when he stands with the Heavenly choir." + +"I reckon he'll most stop then to hear his own voice, for he does dote so +on singing, and feels so bad that he can't do better." + +"Singing and making melody in your hearts. You can do that now, Mrs. +Blake, and with God's help, I hope to be able to do the same." + +"What! have you been thinking of these things too, Miss Selwyn?" + +"Yes. For a good while I have been struggling with a burden of sin that +sometimes nearly crushed me; but it is gone now. Last night the joy of +pardon came just like a flash of light into my heart." + +"Thank the Lord for that. There's been some praying very earnest for you. +They'll be glad their prayers are answered." + +"I can never repay what some of you people out here have done for me." + +"Well, dear, you've done for us. The minister said, 'under God we were +indebted to Mr. Bowen for this revival, and there's already nigh unto +fifty converted.' He couldn't have come to the meetings if you hadn't +clothed him; and now, you've done still more, and got him his eyesight, +he's twice as useful. 'Twould have done you good to see him in meeting +the first Sunday after he come back. He'd look up at the pulpit, and then +he'd look at the people; and it seemed as if he could hardly sense where +he was--he was that glad and happy. The preacher said, in the evening, +we'd have a praise meeting after the sermon; and sure enough we had; for +when Mr. Bowen got talking about what the Lord had done for him, and what +he had been to him in sorrow and blindness, before I knew it, I was +crying like a baby--me that had my eyesight, and health--and never +thanked the Lord for them. When I got my eyes wiped I took a look around, +and there sot Dan'el a blowing his nose, and mopping his face, as if it +was a sweltering day in August; and then when I looked further, there was +nothing much to be seen but pocket-handkerchiefs. That was the beginning +of the revival; and if you hadn't got Mr. Bowen out to meeting, there +mightn't have been any. So, after the Lord, I lay it all to you." + +"No, Mrs. Blake. I was scarcely equal in this matter to those poor souls +who helped Noah build the Ark and were drowning for want of its shelter. +They labored harder than I; for what I gave was more from impulse, and it +was a pleasure." + +"I guess God don't make mistakes paying folks for what they do, and maybe +it's jest as well not to have a great consait of yourself; but you're the +first one I've heard comparing themselves to Noah's Ark builders." + +I turned the conversation somewhat abruptly. + +"What is Mr. Bowen doing now?" + +"He's taken on in Belcher's Mill, working at the books." + +"I suppose they are getting along nicely at Mrs. Larkum's now." + +"Yes, indeed. She was complaining after meeting last night, she'd only +seed you onct since her father got back, to have a good talk with you." + +"Shall we go there now, for a little while?" + +"I'd be glad to, and she'll be pleased to see us coming, I know." + +Mrs. Blake was very soon in readiness, we started out into the dull, cold +air, scarce noticing that the wind was blowing raw and chill from the +east, and the soughing wind betokening a storm. While I sat in Mrs. +Larkum's tidy room, listening to her voice, I kept contrasting her with +the elegantly dressed, beautiful woman whose face and gestures I was +studying the previous day. The one nurtured in the shady places of life, +and inured to poverty and hardship; the other privileged with the best +opportunities for culture, and high intellectual and social development; +and yet with vision grown suddenly clear, I could detect a refinement of +the soul, and true womanly honor in Mrs. Larkum that the other lacked. I +was glad to notice that Mrs. Larkum's tears had ceased to flow so +profusely. There was an occasional moistening of the eye from sheer joy; +for she too had got her experience brightened of late. She was finding it +easier to trust in the Lord, and be glad in Him now that she had got a +stronger arm than her own to lighten her burdens. As we talked I found +they were blessed with an honest independence of spirit that proved them +a better class than many who receive help. + +"Father has begun to lay by money to pay you," she announced, with +evident pleasure. + +"He has already paid me a thousand-fold. I never want any other +recompense." + +"I do not think he will be satisfied to let that debt go unpaid. He was +always so particular to owe no man anything. In our worst poverty he +would never let me go in debt." + +"Then I can never repay him," I said, sorrowfully, "for I try, like him, +to be independent; but I suppose there are blessings no money can ever +repay." + +"Why, every time he opens his eyes in the morning, he says his first +thought is to thank the Lord, and his next is a prayer that you may get +your reward." + +"His prayer has been answered," I murmured, with tear-filled eyes. + +"Poor father was always a great man for prayer ever since I can +recollect. Sometimes I used to doubt if there was anything in religion +when I saw how poorly his prayers were answered; but I have since learned +that the Lord does hear prayer, and that He answers in the best possible +way, though when we are suffering it seems hard to wait patiently His +good time." + +"But if it is hard for a little spell on earth, there's a long while to +have our wants satisfied when we get where He is in Heaven," Mrs. Blake +said, in her calm, strong way. + +"Dear Miss Selwyn, Heaven seemed very close to us in our meeting last +night. I thought of you, and wished so much you were with us." + +"I wish your father would pray that I might have the opportunity to come. +The difficulties in the way just now seem insuperable, but with God's +help they could be removed." + +"Yes, indeed. I've knowed folks that was a hurt to Christians took out of +the world uncommon sudden," Mrs. Blake remarked, with a very meaning nod +of her head. + +"I do not want Mr. Winthrop to die," I said, with quick alarm. "If I had +to choose, I think I would rather die myself." + +"I didn't know you liked him that well. I reckoned he was hard to +please." + +"I acknowledge that he is; but then a word of praise from him is worth a +great deal," I frankly replied. + +"I believe you are in the way to win his approval. A pure, unselfish life +must gain the respect of every honest soul, soon or late," Mrs. Larkum +said, with gentle assurance. + +There was no more said on the subject. But the thought that Mr. Bowen was +praying for me made me feel more confident that everything would turn out +best for me, and for those also in whom I was most interested. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + +THE ENCOUNTER AT ST. MARK'S. + + +I did not forget through the week Mrs. Le Grande's eagerness for Mr. +Winthrop to attend church, and although not permitting myself, if +possible, to impute false motives to others, I concluded it was not +anxiety for his spiritual well-being that prompted the desire on her +part. However I resolved to ask him, and was very anxious that he should +grant my request. The day dawned bright and clear, one of those hopeful +days with promise of the coming summer in the clear shining of the +February sun. At breakfast Mr. Winthrop spoke of the rare loveliness of +the morning; the blue of the sky, soft and tender as a mother's eye, with +here and there a fleecy cloud such as painters love to put on their +canvas. Away to the south, the sea was dimpling and sparkling in ten +thousand broken ripples, with here and there a brave vessel sailing away +over the cold, heaving waters. + +Mr. Winthrop seemed in more genial mood than he had been for a week; and +when he left the table I followed him to the door, where he stood gazing +with eyes trained to take in intelligently the charming scene. I stood +silent, entering in a very half-hearted manner into his keen enjoyment +of the picture painted by God's own hand, spread out before us. + +"It is no use for a man to attempt copying that living, throbbing scene, +nor yet to describe it," he said, with an air of dissatisfaction. + +"To copy would be easy, compared with creating it," I suggested timidly. + +"Yes; but when, and by whom done? That is the question that maddens one," +he answered after a long pause. + +"The Bible says the same hand that was nailed to the cross on Calvary +created it. 'By whom also the worlds were made,'" I murmured. + +"Ah, if we only had some evidence of that; but it is all dark, dark, on +the other side of death, and on the other side of life too. Whence came +we--whither do we tend? What power sent Sirius and all that galaxy of +suns marching serenely through space? We, in our little planet-ship, +falling into line, going like comets one day, and then vanishing; but the +worlds moving on unconscious of our departure, and yet some power +controls them and us. Medoline, to have my faith anchored as yours is, to +a beneficent, all-powerful God, I would be willing to die this instant if +I might be absorbed into Him, or be taken into his presence forever. You +who can calmly accept your religion as you do the atmosphere you inhale, +should live as far above earthly passions and entanglements, as those +light clouds hanging in yonder vault are above the earth; nay, rather +like the stars which only touch us by that law of the universe that +holds the remotest stars together." + +"Have you tried any more earnestly to find the God of the Bible than you +have done Boodh or Vishnu, or other man-created deities?" I asked. + +He turned to me in his keen, incisive way:--"No, Medoline, I cannot say +that I have--not since boyhood, at least, when my mother, who loved the +God whom Israel served so indifferently, endeavored to train my +rebellious will to His service." + +"You have lived all these years Godless?" + +"In plain English, yes." + +"Then that great star, Sirius, you just spoke of, and all the other suns, +and their systems, as well as the humblest created things, have fulfilled +the purposes of their Maker's will, save the last supreme effort of His +power--man, originally made a 'little lower than God.' I wonder that I +honor you as I do, when you deny the existence of my God and Saviour." + +He looked down at me with a gentleness at which I was surprised, and his +next question did not lessen this. + +"Would you be terrified if death, in some form, were suddenly to seize +you, dismissing you from your present environments into the unclothed +state, could you trust, to the uttermost, this mighty Being whose +friendship you so confidently claim?" + +I paused before replying. Certainly death just then did not seem welcome. +I loved life and enjoyed it, and longed for its fuller experiences. As I +studied his question, there came a fear that, since I clung with such +desire to life, I could not be fitted for higher places. No doubt he saw +the pained, uncertain look on my face, which his question had caused. + +"If God wished for me to leave this world," I said, slowly, "no doubt he +would give me the necessary grace and fortitude to do so patiently; but +I do not want to die now, unless it is His will. I love my life, and +would like to serve my generation for a good many years. There are such +grand opportunities to be useful to others." + +"That is a more healthy type of piety than I would have given you credit +for. I am glad you are not anxious to leave us. The Superior powers are +apt to humor such fancies in the young, and remove them from this +distasteful world." + +I saw that a lighter mood was taking the place of his more serious one of +a few minutes before, and I hastened to make my request. "Won't you come +to church with me this bright morning, Mr. Winthrop?" + +He looked at me with that clear, honest gaze that always seemed to +penetrate my deepest thoughts. + +"Why do you make that request? You have never asked me before." + +A guilty blush crimsoned my face, and I murmured something about wanting +him to go particularly that morning, and then hastily entered the house. +As I put on my bonnet and cloak for church, I made up my mind never to +make a request of him again without being able to give a good, honest +reason for it. + +The bell of St. Mark's began ringing as I went down the broad staircase. +I paused a moment at the library door, and then went on to the +drawing-room, where Mrs. Flaxman usually awaited me. I was surprised to +find her sitting near the fire, a book in her hand, and no preparation +made for church. + +"You must go alone this morning, I fear." + +"Are you not well?" + +"No, dear; I cannot even plead a headache. I might go deeper, though; for +I have had a heartache of late." + +"Have you got bad news from Hubert?" + +"On the contrary, I have had better news than usual from him in his last +few letters; but, dear, I may have other anxieties than merely personal +ones." + +"Our anxieties should send us to God's house, and not keep us away--don't +you think?" + +"Yes, in most cases. Some day I may explain all this to you, Medoline; +but not now." + +"Good-bye, then," I said, kissing the sweet, gentle face, and thinking I +knew what was keeping her at home. As I passed into the hall, I saw Mr. +Winthrop coming down from his own room; but I did not pause to speak, +thinking he was on his way to the library. My hand was on the door, when +he called me back. + +"After inviting me to church, are you going without me?" + +I turned and saw that he was taking his hat. + +"Are you really going?" + +"Yes, really. I would be rude, indeed, to slight your first invitation." + +"Do you come this morning merely because I invited you?" I asked, +incredulously. + +"Do you consider it courteous to inquire too minutely into the motives of +your friends?" + +I was silent while I stood for a few seconds regarding him closely. I +wondered if he had not taken special pains with his toilet; for I had +never seen him look so regally handsome before. He may have detected my +admiring gaze; for he said, lightly: + +"What is wrong, that you favor me with such scrutinizing glances?" + +"There is nothing wrong, Mr. Winthrop, so far as my eyes can penetrate. I +trust that to clearer vision than mine what lies deeper than human gaze +can pierce, is equally perfect." + +"Is it your custom, little one, to pay your male acquaintances such open +compliments?" + +"It was not a compliment. I only spoke the truth," I said, quietly, as we +walked side by side down the lilac-bordered footpath, the way we always +went to church when we walked, as it cut off a-half mile or more. It was +a charming walk in summer; but now the low bushes looked common and +ungraceful, stripped of their foliage; but the ground was high, and over +their tops we could see the distant hills and the sun-kissed sea. And +this morning as I tripped lightly by my guardian's side, I fancied I had +never seen this quiet pathway even in its midsummer glory look so +perfect. + +"It is a wise plan not to tell your friends the truth always. Masculine +vanity is occasionally as strongly developed as feminine," he said after +we had gone some time in silence. + +"But you are not vain, Mr. Winthrop; I never saw any one so free from +it," I said, gravely. + +"You are determined to overwhelm me with your flattery. We must change +our conversational topics altogether." + +"First, let me ask if flattery is not half-sister to falsehood?" + +"Probably they are pretty closely related; but why are you anxious to get +that matter settled?" + +"Because I do not want you to believe I ever tell you what is not true. +I do not think I could, if I tried." + +"You reserve that privilege, then, for your other friends." + +"Oh, no; I am never tempted to be untruthful with them." + +"And are you so tempted in your relation with me?" he asked, a little +sternly. + +"Sometimes." + +"Why, Medoline, you astonish me. Tell me what reason you have for being +so tempted?" + +"You make me afraid of you; that is my only reason," I murmured, +trembling already with a touch of my natural fear of him. + +"I am sorry to know that I stand in the relation of an ogre to you." + +"You do not, and I never meant to tell you that. I am afraid of you. By +and bye, when I get a little older, I do not think that I shall be; but +you make me tell you everything." + +"If that is the case I am surprised you have so little wrong-doing to +confess. I believe you will ultimately convince me that a few of your sex +have escaped the taint of their evil inheritance." + +His words caused such a thrill of delight that, remembering what a +tell-tale face I had, I turned my head to watch intently the white sails +of a ship far away to the left; but I presently bethought myself to +inquire what our special inheritance was. + +"That which Eve left her daughters--deceit." + +"But, Mr. Winthrop, we are alike descendants of hers; and the sons as +often take after their mother as their father." + +"That is not a bad hit. It never occurred to me before. Men and women, +however, are different; whether created so originally we do not know. +But sometimes we meet a woman combining the best qualities of both sexes; +but so far as my experience goes, they are the rarest product of creative +skill. I dare say there are men occasionally combining the same beautiful +qualities." + +"I think Mr. Bowen does." + +"Have you ever told him as much?" Mr. Winthrop asked, with an odd smile. + +"No, I have scarcely said anything to him about his goodness. I like best +to let him do the talking when we are together." + +"I am getting curious to see that man." + +"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, if you would only come with me to their church. They +are having wonderful meetings, and people are getting converted." + +"What church is it?" + +"Beech Street, I heard the minister pray at Mrs. Blake's funeral, and +once since at the Larkums. I have longed to hear him again. I never heard +anything like it in my life. It reminded me of a beautiful poem or +oratorio." + +"Why, have you not gone to his church, then, to hear him?" + +"I feared you might be displeased." + +We walked on some distance in silence. I stole a quick look once at his +face to see if he was angry, but he seemed in one of his abstracted +moods, and I reflected that by this time, he had probably forgotten +my existence. But I was mistaken; for all at once he said abruptly, as he +stood holding open the gate that led from the footpath into the main +street. "You have been a more obedient girl than I expected any of your +sex could be, especially one with your keen, impetuous nature. To reward +your fidelity I will go to the Beech Street church whenever you wish." I +looked up at him, the grateful tears in my eyes, but some way my feelings +had got beyond my control, and I dared not attempt to thank him. We +joined the crowds on the sidewalk and after a while he said:-- + +"You have not thanked me, Medoline; don't you appreciate my offer?" + +I tried to speak; but my lip quivered, and I remained silent. + +"You have thanked me very eloquently, little one; more so than if you had +used set phrases." + +The remainder of our walk was completed mostly in silence. I scarce knew +why, but my heart was as glad as if June roses and song birds had been +about us as we went. I looked at some staid people,--old looking to me, +though few of them were past fifty,--and pitied them that they too were +not young and glad-hearted like me. As we neared the church, the sunshine +and gladness suddenly grew dim, for there, in all her perfect loveliness, +Mrs. Le Grande was approaching St. Mark's from the opposite direction. +Impulsively I turned to Mr. Winthrop, hoping he would not see her; for +usually he was quite oblivious of the presence of those who might be on +the street with him. A glance assured me that he was looking at her, and +that her desire was gratified. He took no notice, however, of my abrupt +movement, and without change of expression or voice, said: "There seems +a good many strangers on their way to church this morning. Some unusual +circumstance must have occurred to bring out so many curious +worshippers." I could not help smiling at the veiled irony in voice and +words. Fortunately we were considerably nearer the church than Mrs. Le +Grande, and without quickening our steps gained its shelter before she +overtook us, although I saw she moved more quickly after she saw us. St. +Mark's was an ancient church, built in old colonial days. One could +easily fancy themselves in a country church in some quiet English +village, as their eyes fell on the high-backed pews, narrow, stained +glass-windows, and walls covered with memorial tablets, and the other +peculiarities of a church over a century old. The Winthrop pew was near +the pulpit. A large square one, and commanding an excellent view of the +congregation. When Mrs. Le Grande entered, she paused for a moment, +apparently taking a rapid survey of the church; when her eye fell on our +pew. Without paying any attention to the usher, she glided to the nearest +vacant seat to ours. Directly, I was conscious that very many eyes were +upon us. Opening my Bible, I read mechanically the words before me; but +no more conscious of their meaning than if they had been Sanscrit. When +the service began, in the withdrawal of attention to other things, I took +courage to look at Mr. Winthrop. He sat facing Mrs. Le Grande, but with +face as unruffled as if he were reading his morning paper. I glanced next +at Mrs. Le Grande. She sat with downcast eyes, her color varying +fitfully. She might have been taken for some beautiful picture of +penitence. I do not know if Mr. Winthrop vouchsafed her a single look, +but from her expression I judged that she thought he was watching her +closely. It was a relief when the service was ended, although my +conscience painfully reminded me that I would have another master +opportunity for listening to the preached gospel to repent of, or else to +confront some day; for I had been so nervous I had not listened +intelligently to a single sentence of the sermon. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + +MRS. LE GRANDE'S STRATAGEM. + + +The congregation slowly dispersed, Mr. Winthrop pausing, as was his wont, +for the crowd to move out. Although one of the busiest men I ever met, he +never seemed in a hurry. Besides, he had an extreme dislike to be jostled +by a hurrying crowd. When he saw the aisles getting empty he left the +pew. Mrs. La Grande apparently, like ourselves, liked plenty of +elbow-room; for she only left her pew a few steps in advance of us. Mr. +Winthrop walked leisurely towards the door. I dropped behind, not wishing +to bow to her in his presence, and not capable either of the rudeness of +passing her without a friendly nod. My heart beat thickly as I saw him +approaching nearer to her, and a moment after they were side by side. She +partly turned her face toward him, an expression of contrition and +appeal, making her beauty well-nigh irresistible. I gazed, fascinated; +then after awhile I turned my eyes to Mr. Winthrop. I felt a sudden +relief when I saw the same unconcerned expression that was habitual to +him. Mrs. Le Grande looked him, for an instant, full in the face, when a +swift change came over her own countenance. For the first time, probably, +she realized that her power and fascination had lost their effect on him. +A crimson flush of shame and anger swept over cheek and brow, as quickly +followed by a deathly pallor. Mr. Winthrop, without noticing her +presence, walked leisurely on. She stood perfectly still, leaning her +hand, as if for support, against the back of a pew. I hastened to her +side, pitying her deeply in her disappointment. She gave me a dazed look, +scarce seeming to recognize me; I paused an instant and held out my hand, +but she did not seem to notice it. She looked so wan and wretched I felt +I must try to comfort her, though at the risk of Mr. Winthrop's +displeasure. + +"You are not looking well," I said compassionately. "Is there anything +I can do for you?" + +"You would not dare, even if you were willing, with that merciless man so +near," she said, faintly. I paid no attention to her remark, but asked if +I might get her a glass of water. + +"Yes, anything, please, to take away this deathly feeling." I drew her +into a pew and forced her to lie down, crushing thereby a most elegant +toilet. But I was afraid she was dying, she looked so pale; then, rushing +to the vestry, I found the sexton. He looked somewhat startled at sight +of me. + +"Can you give me some water?--there is a lady upstairs very ill." + +"That one that's such a stunner?" he said, coolly, going to a shelf near +where he had water and glasses. + +"I presume it is the same," I said, seizing the glass, while wondering at +his indifference. + +"You'd best not get too frightened, Miss Selwyn. I've heard of that one +afore, and she knows what she's about." + +I hastened back to my charge, leaving him to follow at his leisure. I +found her on the floor, apparently unconscious. Forgetful of the dainty +Paris bonnet, I began applying the water vigorously, when she opened her +eyes, and said: + +"That will do." + +I dried her face, whisking away a few bountiful drops that were clinging +to her garments. She arose directly. Several persons who had been late +in leaving the church had collected around us. She glanced at them, a +look of keen disappointment passing over her face. With an amazing return +of vitality, she passed quickly out of the pew, saying, lightly: + +"Your church was uncomfortably hot, and the air was very impure; it seems +a necessity to absorb one's religion and a vitiated atmosphere at the +same time." + +She turned to me presently, saying: + +"You get very easily alarmed, Miss Selwyn. Are you always so impetuous in +your deeds of mercy?" + +"Oh, no, indeed. I never had such cause for alarm but once before, and +that was a poor widow who was utterly overcome by some good news I was +bringing her. My friends usually have sufficient nerve to endure heavy +shocks," I said, very sweetly. + +Her eyes flashed, but she allowed no further sign of annoyance to escape +her. When we reached the door, she turned to me and said, very cordially: + +"I shall look for you to-morrow, according to promise. Forgive me for +having kept you so long from your escort. I fear a scolding awaits you. +Mr. Winthrop I used to find very impatient, if kept waiting." + +I left her standing on the church steps, and turned my face homeward. +When I reached the street I found Mr. Winthrop had got some distance +ahead; but he was walking slowly, and I soon overtook him. + +"Is it your custom to remain chatting with your friends after the +sermon?" he asked, carelessly. + +"Oh, no; but a lady who sat near us fainted just as I was standing by +her." + +"And, of course, as a sort of mother-general of the sorrowing, you +stopped to comfort her?" + +"Yes; but a few drops of water sufficed. She knew all the time I was in +danger of spoiling her bonnet." + +"I am glad she snubbed you. You are too innocent to be matched against so +perfect an actress." + +Then he changed the conversation, and Mrs. Le Grande was not mentioned +again that day. I noticed, however, that he partook very sparingly of +dinner; and, in the hour or two which he usually spent on the Sabbath +with us in the drawing-room, he was unusually silent. I went to the +library for a book, leaving him and Mrs. Flaxman alone, and returned just +in time to interrupt, a second time, a conversation clearly not intended +for my ears. + +"Yes. She was at church this morning, looking as wickedly beautiful as +ever," he was saying, as if in answer to Mrs. Flaxman's question. + +When the church bells began ringing that evening, a strong desire seized +me to claim the fulfillment of his promise to accompany me to the Beech +Street Church. He may have read it in my face. + +"Are you going to take me out again to-night?" + +"Do you wish to go?" I asked, with girlish eagerness. + +"I have told you before it is not polite to reply to a question by asking +another." + +"Then I would like very much indeed to go to Mr. Lathrop's church +to-night, if you are willing." + +Mrs. Flaxman looked up from her book with amazement. + +"You were never at their church before. What will those people think?" + +"There must always be a first time, and probably you are aware I am not +in bondage to other people's thoughts," he said, with calm indifference. + +"Won't you come, too, Mrs. Flaxman?" I urged. + +"With pleasure," was the smiling response. + +"What will your Dr. Hill think if he hears you have been to hear +Lathrop?" + +"I must endeavor to live above public opinion, as well as you." + +"I am afraid such elevation would chill you." + +"Don't you want Mrs. Flaxman to go?" + +"I have nothing to say against it, if she has courage to brave public +opinion." + +"I did not think you reckoned me such a coward." + +"That shows how little we know what our intimate friends think of us; if +there was a general laying bare of hearts, methinks there would be lively +times for a while." + +I stood thinking his words over very seriously, and then turning to him +said, gravely:-- + +"I would be willing for nearly all my friends to see my thoughts +respecting them." + +"There would be some exceptions, then. You said nearly all, remember. The +few might be the ones most anxious to know, and upon whom the restriction +would bear most heavily." + +"They might not care what I thought," I said with a hot flush; something +in his look making me tremble. + +"If we are to be in time for church we should leave very shortly," he +said, looking at his watch. + +"And we are really going to Beech Street Church this evening?" + +"Yes, really," he said, with that genial smile I was beginning to regard +like a caress. + +Mrs. Flaxman and I hastened to our rooms; she nearly as well pleased as +I. It seemed quite too good to be true that we three were to go in +company to those meetings where men and women talked to each other, and +to God, of all the great things He was doing for them. I was very +speedily robed and back in the drawing-room, where Mr. Winthrop was still +sitting gazing into the fire with that indrawn, abstracted expression on +his face which was habitual to it in repose. I waited silently near until +Mrs. Flaxman should come in and interrupt his reverie. I liked to watch +his face in those rare moments, and used to speculate on what he might +be thinking, and wishing my own thoughts were high and strong enough to +follow his on their long upward flight. + +He looked at me suddenly. + +"What, if I could read your thoughts now, Medoline? From your intent look +I think I was the subject of your meditations." I smiled calmly. + +"You would have been flattered, as you were this morning, perhaps. I was +just wishing I was capable of going with you along those high paths +where, by your face, I knew you were straying." + +"Was that what you were thinking about, and that only?" + +My face crimsoned, but I looked up bravely into the honest eyes watching +me. + +"Must I confess even my thoughts to you, Mr. Winthrop? I have had to ask +that question before?" + +"Not necessarily. But I have a fancy just now to know what else you were +thinking of." + +I hesitated a moment, and then said bravely: "I was looking at your face, +and it occurred to me that in some faces there was the same power to +thrill one's soul that there is in splendid music, or poems that can +never die." + +"You were in a very imaginative and sentimental mood to trace such +analogies. It is not wise to see so much in a common human face." + +"Do we not sometimes get glimpses of God in that way?" I asked. + +"Are you always thinking such high thoughts, Medoline?" + +"Oh, no, indeed. When I have nothing to inspire them, my thoughts are +very commonplace. The brook cannot rise higher than its source; it needs +artificial help to scale mountain tops." + +He looked at me kindly as he said: "You are not fashioned after the +regulation models of the woman of to-day." + +"I think I have heard that idea expressed in varying phrases a good many +times since I came to America." + +"It does not displease you?" + +"It used to at first. Possibly I am getting used to it now. I see there +is so much genuine unhappiness in the world, I am not going to grieve +over the mild criticisms of my friends." + +"A very philosophic conclusion to come to. But does it not occur to you +that other meanings than unkindly ones may be taken from these chance +remarks we let fall?" + +"It would please me if I could," I said, looking at him with pleased +eagerness. Mrs. Flaxman entered the room then, ready for church. My head +was aching severely, and a distressing giddiness occasionally seized me; +but I was so eager for this long coveted privilege, I kept silent about +my feelings. Sickness and I were such strangers to each other, I scarcely +understood its premonitory warnings. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + +BEECH STREET WORSHIPPERS. + + +As we neared the Beech Street Church, we found a crowd of persons +hurrying in the same direction. Mrs. Flaxman expressed her astonishment; +since she supposed Mr. Lathrop's flock to be small in number, and humble +in its class of adherents. When we reached the door, a glance inside +revealed the fact that it was already comfortably filled, and where all +the approaching throng were to be bestowed was a mystery. Daniel Blake +was one of the ushers. His face brightened at sight of us. Nodding +respectfully to Mr. Winthrop, he led us to one of the best seats in the +house. I glanced around at the large congregation, and was impressed by +the solemn hush pervading the place, and the expectant look on the faces +of the worshippers. Mr. Bowen was sitting near and I wanted Mr. Winthrop +to see and know him; so I took out my pencil and wrote on the leaf of my +hymn book directing his attention to my friend. He looked keenly at the +pale, rapt face, and then with a scarce perceptible smile turned to me. + +The church kept filling; and while yet the people were streaming in, the +minister arose, and after a brief, but exceedingly solemn invocation, +gave out the hymn. In an alcove just behind the preacher's stand was a +cabinet organ, and some half dozen singers, male and female; but once the +singing had got well under way, organ and choir were as though they were +not; nearly every one in the house was singing save myself and Mr. +Winthrop. I kept silent the more keenly to enjoy the heavy volume of +sound which impressed me as more reverent praise than any church music +I had ever heard. I turned to Mr. Winthrop. He too was looking over the +dense mass of humanity with a curious intentness, as if here were some +entirely new experience. When the hymn was ended there was a moment's +hush after the congregation had bowed in reverent act of worship and then +the preacher's voice rose in earnest pleading. I noticed it was better +modulated than at Mrs. Blake's funeral, possibly the effort to make +himself heard by the scattered groups on that occasion caused the +difference. My eyes filled with tears, and a strange trembling seized me +as the petitions grew more earnest; the prayer was short, yet so much was +comprehended in it. The Scripture lesson was read in very natural, but +also solemn manner, without any attempt at rhetorical display, yet +bringing out the subtle meanings of the passage in a peculiarly realistic +way. The sermon was delivered in much the same manner; but in every word +and gesture there seemed a reserve power and dignity, while the thoughts +were strong and original; and better than all, they made one wish to be +purer, more unselfish, in fact Christ-like. + +The place seemed pervaded by some mysterious influence never experienced +by me before in any church. The sermon was ended at last; the Judgment +Day was the theme; all the old horror that used haunt me in childhood, +when I thought upon this awful period in my soul's future, came back to +me as the preacher with a power scarce short of inspiration pictured that +day. I could hear Mrs. Flaxman's subdued weeping while in every part of +the house, tears and low sobs added to the solemnity of the scene. Mr. +Winthrop sat with folded arms and set stern face, apparently unmoved; but +the intent watchfulness of his face as he followed the preacher assured +me that the sermon was making an impression. A hymn was sung when the +sermon was ended, and then all who wished to remain to the after-meeting +were assured of a welcome, no matter to what church they belonged, or if +aliens from all. + +I scarce dared lift my eyes to Mr. Winthrop lest he might be preparing to +leave; but to my relief he sat calmly down along with nearly the entire +congregation, and then the other meeting began first with a number of +prayers, afterward with speaking by men and women all over the house. +When Mr. Bowen prayed, there was a solemn hush as if the people were +almost holding their breath lest some word might be missed. I could not +wonder that men's hearts were melted by the power and tenderness of his +utterances. Strange that God should hide such gifts away for years when +the world was in such need of workers. Along through the meeting there +were occasional snatches of song, deep, resonant melody that uplifted +the heart as it welled up from glad, thankful souls. Men and women rose, +for the most part with modest calmness, and told what God had done for +them, and what they still expected from our Father as loving as He is +rich. I listened spellbound. Some of them had a story to tell so like +my own that my heart was thrilled at times. I wanted to tell what God had +done for me, but before that crowded house, and worse than all, in +presence of Mr. Winthrop, I found it impossible; but just at the close +the minister, with a kindly thoughtfulness for which I blessed him said: +"There may be some one here who loves Christ but has not courage to tell +us so. If they are willing to witness for Him we extend them the +privilege of doing this by merely rising to their feet." + +My heart beat painfully and my head swam, but forgetful of my guardian's +displeasure, and the concentrated gaze of some hundreds of eyes, I stood +up. I heard a heartfelt "praise God," from the direction of Mr. Bowen's +pew, and then there was a gentle rustle in every part of the house, and +scores stood up, Mrs. Flaxman among the rest. The meeting closed quietly, +and in the same solemn hush the people departed. + +Mr. Winthrop stood, waiting for the crowd to leave, not seeing the many +curious glances bent our way. Presently the minister was passing our +pew; he paused uncertainly, wishing to speak, I knew from the expression +of his face, but waiting for Mr. Winthrop first to make some sign of +recognition. I stood near enough to reach my hand; my act speedily +followed by Mrs. Flaxman; and then with rare grace and courtesy Mr. +Winthrop extended his hand, saying: "I have to thank you for your very +faithful sermon. I did not know the present generation of preachers dared +talk so plainly to their hearers." + +"Perhaps you do not go in the way of hearing them; the race of heroes is +not yet extinct. Not that I reckon myself a hero," he added, with an +amused smile at the slip of tongue. + +"The rack and flames are not necessary to prove one a hero or martyr. I +dare say many who do not choose to live for their religion would die for +it if it came in their way to do so." + +"Yourself among the number, I believe, Mr. Winthrop," the minister said, +with a penetrating look, that Mr. Winthrop returned in kind. + +"I would take it as a favor if you would dine with us some day soon, and +give me an evening of your society. We might have some topics in common +to discuss," Mr. Winthrop said, to the surprise of each of us, Mr. +Lathrop included. "Possibly you do not make such engagements on the +Sabbath. Pardon me, I had forgotten you were a conscientious man," he +said, after a short pause, seeing Mr. Lathrop hesitate. + +"It is not my usual custom, but nevertheless, I accept your invitation +with pleasure." + +Mr. Bowen was waiting to speak with his minister, it may be hoping to +exchange greeting with us as well. I whispered softly to Mr. Winthrop: + +"Would you like to speak to Mr. Bowen?" + +"If it is your desire, I will do so." + +"I would like you to speak with him very much." + +I made my way quickly to Mr. Bowen's side. He was standing a little way +down the aisle from us. The grasp of his hand and glance of his eye were +like a benediction. + +"I was glad to see you here," he said, in his quiet way, which meant more +than extravagant protestations from others. "There was bread for you, I +think." + +"Yes, and wine; better far than human lips ever quaffed." + +"The new wine of our Father's Kingdom," he said, softly, with such a glad +light in his eyes reminding me of some spiritual illumination the flesh +could not wholly conceal. + +Mr. Winthrop soon joined us, and never did I feel more grateful to my +guardian than when I watched his gracious bearing towards my friend. If +he had been some noted literary gentleman, he could not have been more +genial and polite. + +"My ward has talked so much about you that, out of pure curiosity, I came +to see and hear you to-night," he said, as they walked side by side +towards the door. A faint flush passed over Mr. Bowen's face, but he made +no reply. I was much better pleased than if he had exclaimed against his +own poor abilities, as some would have done, or rhapsodized over his +indebtedness to me. I knew from the expression of Mr. Winthrop's face +that he was pleased with him, and on our way home, he said: "You are like +a magnet, Medoline. You draw the best types of humanity to you as the +lodestone does the steel." + +"You like Mr. Bowen, then?" + +"I do not know him well enough yet for that; but he has genius. Da Vinci +would have taken him for a model for the beloved disciple if he had lived +in his day. I never saw a more spiritual face in any human being." + +"He is like the disciple whom Jesus loved in one thing--he loves the +Christ best of all." + +"Was not that a wonderful meeting, Mr. Winthrop?" Mrs. Flaxman asked, +after we had seated ourselves cosily by the bright fire in the +drawing-room. + +"I do not profess to be a judge in such matters." + +"I think a heathen would have felt some before unknown spiritual +influence there to-night, if he had understood our language," I +exclaimed. + +"Heathen and Christian alike are not so susceptible to spiritual +influences as you, Medoline; so in harmony with the unseen and unknowable +as you are getting to be." + +"Religion cannot be classed with the unknowable. God only leaves us in +uncertainty when we wilfully close our eyes to his teachings." + +"You place no restrictions, then, on the benevolence of your Creator." + +"I shall not make myself a different and narrower creed than the Bible +provides." + +"Men read the Bible and formulate creeds as opposite as the poles. The +pendulum of their belief takes in not merely an arc, but the entire +circle." + +"I think they are wisest who leave creeds; I mean the non-essentials, to +those who try to penetrate mysteries which, maybe, even the angels look +upon as too sacred for them to explore, and just take what is necessary +to make us Christ-like." + +"My dear child, that is taking at a single bound faith's highest peak." + +"I suppose the way-faring man, of whom the Bible speaks, does that. God +may have different patents of nobility from us. I do not mean in the +mere matter of birth, but of what, even to our dim vision, is vastly +higher--the intellectual dower." + +"Medoline tries very hard to assure herself that her Mill Road favorites +are royalties in exile," Mr. Winthrop said, with a smile, turning to Mrs. +Flaxman. + +"I cannot say if she goes quite that far, but she certainly thinks that +she has found among them some diamonds of the first water, though she +cannot but acknowledge they lack the polishing touches to bring out more +effectually their sparkle and brilliancy." + +"I do not know if the best among them have suffered anything from the +lack of the human lapidary's skill. He often, at the best, is a mere +bungler, and while he makes sure to bring out the brilliancy, laps off +other finer qualities the lack of which no spark or brilliancy can +compensate," I replied, by no means convinced, and thinking all the time +of Mrs. Le Grande who had certainly received plenty of polishing touches, +but sadly lacked higher mental and moral qualities. + +"A woman convinced against her will is of the same opinion still," Mr. +Winthrop quoted, although addressing no one in particular. + +"The author's real words are, 'A man convinced against his will,'" I +retorted. + +"In this case it is a woman, and a very determined, insistent little +woman she is too," he replied. + +I rose, and standing before my guardian, said, "I am not such a little +woman, Mr. Winthrop, as you would make me believe. Actually I can look +over Mrs. Flaxman's head." + +"A perfect giantess, especially in defending the character of the poor +and bereaved." + +"If you had studied poor, hard-working people more, and books less, +you would have found some of the rarest specimens of patience, and +self-forgetfulness and fortitude, and oh, so many other beautiful +characteristics, that you would long to strip off your proud ancestry +and wealth, and become like them. They find it so much easier to be +Christians--they are not bewildered by the pride of life and vanities +that pall while they allure, and the perplexity of riches, and other ills +the higher born are heir to." + +"I sincerely hope you will not begin a new crusade, Medoline." + +"Why, Mr. Winthrop, what do you mean?" I asked, surprised at the sudden +turn of the conversation. + +"What do I mean? You have begun it already. I only stipulate that you +carry this crusade no farther." + +"But I do not understand you. How then can I promise to obey your will?" + +"The fashion is rapidly gaining ground for women to have some pet scheme +of reform. A few of them have such ambition for publicity they take their +pet scheme, and the platform, and go trailing over the land like comets. +Now I do not wish you to join this motley crowd, though your heart does +burn over the unacknowledged perfections of the poor." + +"Surely, Mr. Winthrop, you do not insinuate there is the remotest +possibility of such a thing, that I will go to lecturing," I said, with +rising color. + +"Have you not already begun the work? But I shall be very glad to have +your promise that you will not seek a larger audience to listen to you +than your present one." + +"Are you in earnest?" + +"I am certainly in earnest when I assure you it is my desire that you +will not take up lecturing, or develop into a woman with a career." + +I looked at him closely, and turning away, said, "Some day I hope to get +wise enough to know when you are in earnest and when you are merely +bantering me." + +"I think your faculties in that respect are rapidly developing. You +discovered before I did that it was merely badinage on Mr. Winthrop's +part," Mrs. Flaxman said, genially. + +"But, Mr. Winthrop," I said, turning to him once more, "is it right for +you to judge those women so harshly who seize any honest way to get a +hearing? I believe the majority of them are as much in earnest about +their work as you are in any of your most cherished undertakings. Women +more than men have an instinct to sacrifice themselves on the first +genuine altar they meet with. One human being, especially, if he is apt +to be cynical, can scarcely judge another justly." + +"Are you not a little severe on me? but possibly you are correct," he +said, with perfect good humor. + +"I hope you will forgive me that unkind remark," I pleaded. "I am afraid, +after all, it is no use for me to try to be good thoroughly and wholly. I +can only be so in places." + +"You must not despair yet. Much worse persons than you have developed +into saints ultimately, if we can trust the calendar." + +I smiled, although discomfited. "I wish you would try to be good with me. +I am sure I would find it easier." + +"Goodness too easily acquired is not apt to be of a very high quality. +Better fight your own battles and gain your victories all by yourself," +he said, with a smile as he left us for his study. My head was aching so +severely that I concluded to try the effect of rest and sleep, to bring +back my usual freedom from pain. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + +FROM THE DEPTHS. + + +The next day was a wild, drifting storm. My first waking thought in the +early morning was the unpleasant one that my promised visit to Mrs. Le +Grande must be made during the day. When I raised my head from the pillow +the pain was even more severe than on the previous evening, and a dizzy +faintness seized me when I tried to rise. I was so unaccustomed to +sickness I had not learned the happy art of accepting patiently its +behests; so, after a few more efforts, I succeeded in dressing myself. I +went to the window and, on looking out, was greatly relieved to see huge +drifts piled between us and the outside world, which promised at least +one day's blockade unless Thomas and Samuel worked much harder than their +wont. + +I put in an appearance at the breakfast table, although the sight of food +was exceedingly repugnant, and made a pretence to eat what was placed +before me. Mr. Winthrop very cheerfully announced that I was certainly +a prisoner for that day--an announcement I received with perfect +indifference--the mere thought of facing the outside world as I then felt +made me shudder. Probably he was surprised that I took with such extreme +calmness my temporary imprisonment; for he asked if I enjoyed being +snow-bound. + +"I do, to-day," I answered unthinkingly. + +"You must have some special reason for such a state of mind." + +I did not attempt to reply, and was glad to find that his suspicions were +not aroused. After we arose from the table he stood chatting with us by +the fire for some time, while Mrs. Flaxman with a little help on my part +washed the china and silver, interjecting a word now and then with deep +content. I could see these genial moods of my guardian gave her unbounded +satisfaction; sometimes when I looked in her gentle, patient face and +remembered how few real joys she had in her daily life, I used to get +positively angry with him, because, as a rule, he was so chary with his +smiles and gracious words. As he was leaving the room he turned to me and +said:--"I would like you to come to the library after you get those +important partnership duties completed." + +"Do you mean our dish-washing?" I asked. + +"Yes, certainly. You seem to enjoy menial work very much." + +"It is woman's work, Mr. Winthrop, just as much as painting pictures or +studying German metaphysics is,--a much more important work for me, if +I marry a poor man and become my own maid of all work." + +"Ah, indeed! you think, then, of becoming one of them. I mean one of your +own favorite class. I presume you have not yet selected the happy pauper +whose poverty you intend to share." + +"Oh, no, I have not given the question of a husband, or settlement in +life any serious thought as yet. I was only supposing a case. One never +knows what may happen, and even royalties now and then are reduced to +genteel beggary." + +"You are merely getting accustomed to the life, taking time by the +forelock, we might say," he said with an amused look. "Well, since you +are not altogether committed to that way of living, and in case your +dreams are not realized, we will continue the German metaphysics a little +longer. I got in a fresh supply of books on Saturday. I would like you to +come and look them over with me. You may see something you would like to +take up." + +I thanked him and promised to join him shortly. + +When we were alone Mrs. Flaxman said, with a reflective air, as she stood +polishing the cream jug; "I never expected to see Mr. Winthrop so nice to +a woman as he is to you." + +"Why, Mrs. Flaxman, do you call him nice?" I asked in amazement. + +"Yes, dear, beautifully so. He puts on a brusque outside, but it is as +much to conceal his liking for you as anything, and then he does more for +you than he would for any one else in the world. Now, if I had tried for +a lifetime, I could not have got him out to Beech Street Church and I +doubt if there is any one besides yourself could have done it. Some men, +unknown to themselves, have strong paternal instincts; and it only +requires the right touch to waken these instincts." + +"But he is too young to be my father; and any way he said he was not +anxious for me to regard him in that way," I remonstrated. + +"He is old in heart if not in years, my child. His has been an intense +and also bitter life,--the last few years at least." + +"Yes, I know," I said unthinkingly; "but a man like Mr. Winthrop is +foolish to let a woman like Mrs. Le Grande embitter his life." + +"Medoline, where did you hear of Mrs. Le Grande?" she asked sharply. + +My face crimsoned guiltily, but I remained silent. + +"Was it Mrs. Blake, or any of the Mill Road people told you?" + +"No, indeed. I have told you before they never gossip about him." + +"Was it any of our own friends, the Carters, or Flemings? I know they are +vulgarly inclined, for all they are in good society." + +"It was none of these, nor any one you have seen for a good many years, +that told me what I know." + +"You must tell me, Medoline, who told you. It is the first time I have +tried to force your confidence." + +"But I have promised not to tell you." + +"Had you met Mrs. Le Grande before you were with her yesterday when she +fainted in church?" + +My answer was a sob. + +"Where had you met her, Medoline?" + +"You will tell Mr. Winthrop, and he will never forgive me." + +"Then you have really been with her?" + +"Yes, she sent me a letter requesting me to visit her." + +"And you went. When was this?" + +"A week ago. But I did not dream she was a rich woman or had ever known +Mr. Winthrop. I thought it was some one poor and in distress. I did not +know it was a person suffering from heartbreak." + +"Heart-break!" she exclaimed, with such a flash of scorn, that the +surprise her words created effectually dried my tears. + +"She has no heart to get broken, except the organ that propels her +blood--even a cat has the same." + +"She is very beautiful, and is also extremely anxious to make reparation +to Mr. Winthrop for the wrong she has done him." + +"She is as heartless and selfish as she is beautiful; and if she were to +be allowed the privilege of making reparation, the second offence would +be worse than the original one. But we will not mention her name again. +Leave her alone as she deserves." + +"She compelled me to give my promise to go and see her again. She looks +for me to-day." + +"Medoline, have you no sense of propriety? Mr. Winthrop's ward visiting, +unknown to him, the woman who wrought him such grievous wrong? Can you +expect him to forgive such an act, especially when he was getting to have +such confidence in your honesty and purity?" + +"You will tell Mr. Winthrop?" + +"I must obey him. It was his hope you would never hear the disgraceful +story. His special command if you did that I must tell him directly. I +promised to do so and I must fulfill that promise, but at a cost, +Medoline, that I dare not think of." + +"Will you go directly then? Maybe this is my last day at Oaklands. I +shall not stay here to suffer his contempt and displeasure." I said +wearily, my bodily misery dulling to some extent the mental pain; for I +was growing sick rapidly. With difficulty I gained the shelter of my own +room, my one haven of refuge in the wide world. Crouching by the window I +watched the mad, hurrying storm outside, and wondering vaguely if nature +suffered in this elemental warfare as we did in our tempests of the soul +when the very foundations of hope and happiness were getting swept from +our feet. In imagination I re-lived my past months at Oaklands, my +intercourse with Mr. Winthrop, his gradually increasing esteem, the +friendship, nay rather the comradeship that was being cemented between us +over literature and art, the help he was giving me in these, and the rare +life that imagination was beginning to picture that we might enjoy +through coming years together. + +I realized then, as never before, how happy I had been in my new home; +and with a clearness that gave me pain came the consciousness how much my +guardian had become to me. After to-day I might never again call Oaklands +my home. If I had gone at once and confessed to Mr. Winthrop on my return +that day from Linden Lane that I had met Mrs. Le Grande he could not have +been reasonably angry with me; but I had concealed from him the fact, and +had also promised her another interview, and now with vision grown +suddenly clear I could realize how he would receive my unwilling +confession, after a whole week's silence. With aching head and heart +I wondered at the cruelty of circumstance that forced the innocent to +suffer with the guilty. + +With my intense nature, so susceptible either to pleasure or pain, those +lonely hours in my own room, that bitter day, left their trace on heart +and body for long weary weeks. When at last Mrs. Flaxman came to me, her +own face sad and troubled, I no longer felt the cold in my fireless room; +for the blood now was rushing feverishly in my veins, and my head +throbbing with intense pain. I listened to what she had to say in a +dazed, half-conscious way. I heard her say something about Mr. Winthrop's +displeasure, but I was too sick to care very much for anything, just +then. I startled her at last by saying:--"I do not understand what you +are saying. Please wait and tell me some other time." + +"Sure, you have not been sitting all this time here in the cold. You +should have gone where it was warm, or rung for Esmerelda to kindle your +fire." + +I rose and tried to walk across the room; but staggered and would have +fallen only that she supported me. + +"Are you sick, Medoline?" She asked, in great alarm. + +"My head aches and I am very hot," I said uncertainly. I was unused to +sickness and scarcely knew how much pain was necessary before I could +truthfully say I was ill. I remember thinking the matter over with great +seriousness, and wishing Mrs. Blake, with her superior knowledge of +bodily ailments, was there to decide, until at last I got tired and tried +to forget all about it. Then everything began to grow uncertain. I knew +that I was lying in bed and the fire burning brightly in the grate, while +persons were passing to and fro; but they did not look familiar. I kept +wishing so much that Mrs. Blake would come with her strong, cheery +presence to comfort me, and if she would give me a drink of pure cold +water from one of her own clean glasses I should be content to turn my +face to the wall and sleep. But after a time my one despairing thought +was Mr. Winthrop's displeasure, while hour after hour, and day after day, +I tried to tell him that I did not mean to deceive him, and wanted to be +just to every one alike, but he was never convinced and used to come and +go with the same stern, hard look on his face that nearly broke my heart. +When just at the point of utter despair, when I thought all had turned +against me, Mr. Bowen or Mrs. Blake used to step up and tell me they +understood it all and believed in me, then for awhile I would shut my +eyes and rest, only to open them again to plead once more for +forgiveness; but to plead vainly. Then I would be on the point of leaving +Oaklands forever, and bidding good-bye to every one in the household save +Mr. Winthrop. He always turned away sternly and refused me his hand. I +was not conscious when it was day or night. It was all one perpetual +twilight. I would ask if the sun would never rise again, or the moon come +back with her soft shining; but no one heeded my questions. I resolved +to be so patient after this in answering people's questions when their +heads were full of pain, since I knew how sad it was to go on day after +day with these puzzling, wearying questions haunting one. Then there came +a long, quiet time of utter forgetfulness when I passed down into the +very valley of the shadow that Death casts over the nearly disembodied +spirit, and here I had rest. + +When at last I opened my eyes to see the old, accustomed place and faces, +I was like a little child. + +I lay quiet for some time wondering if it were possible for me to lift my +hand. It was night, for the lamp was burning, and some one was sitting +just within the shadow the lamp shade cast. I hoped it was Mrs. Blake, +and lay wondering how I could find out. I tried to lift my head, but +found the effort so wearying I went back into brief unconsciousness. +Presently my eyes opened again; but this time there was a face bending +over my bed, so that I had no need to muster my feeble forces to attract +their attention. I smiled up weakly into the face that in the dim light +I failed to recognize. + +"Do you know me, dearie?" I was sure it was Mrs. Blake's voice sounding +strong and real. + +"Is it Mrs. Blake?" I asked uncertainly. + +"Yes, dearie, it jest is." Then I shut my eyes, so tired I could not even +think; but I heard a rustling sound, and a voice, that sounded a long way +off, murmur, "Thank God!" The voice sounded familiar, but I could not +recall whose it was. I tried to do so, but the effort wearied me. A spoon +was put to my lips, the milk that was given to me brought back the long +ago times--so long ago, I wondered if now I was an old woman; but after +brief reflection I knew this could not be, since Mrs. Blake was still +alive, and not much older in appearance than when I saw her last. To make +sure of the matter I determined to look at her again, and opened my eyes +to settle my perplexity; but this time the face looking down at me was +not Mrs. Blake's. I tried to raise my head on the pillow the better to +see who it was, when the person stooped near to me and said: "You are +coming back to us, Medoline." I wondered who was calling me by that name. +No one save Mr. Winthrop and Mrs. Flaxman were in the habit now of doing +so; but my strength was so rapidly waning I could neither see nor hear +very distinctly. After a few seconds, once more rallying all my forces, +I looked up again. + +"Who is it?" I whispered. + +"Do you not know me, Medoline?" + +"Is it,"--I paused, trembling so with excitement I could scarce +articulate,--"is it Mr. Winthrop?" + +"Yes, little one." + +The old caressing name he had given me long ago, surely he must have +forgiven me or he would not use it now. But I was not satisfied without +the assurance that we were to take up again the kindly relations of the +past; and so with an effort that seemed likely to sweep me back +dangerously near that shore I had so lately been skirting, I looked up +and said: "I am sorry I displeased you; won't you forgive me?" My voice +was so weak I was afraid he could not catch the words I uttered; but he +folded my thin, shadowy hand in his, which seemed so strong and muscular +I fancied it could hold me back from the gates of Death if its owner so +willed, and after a few seconds' silence, he said, gently: "You must +never think of that again, Medoline. Just rest, and come back to us. +We all want you more than we can tell." + +"Then I am forgiven, and you will trust me once more," I pleaded softly. + +"Yes, Medoline, as I expect to be trusted by you," he said, with a +solemnity that made me tremble. My eyes closed in utter weariness and +then I seemed to be floating, floating over summer seas, and under such +peaceful, blessed skies, I began to wonder if I was not passing out to +the quiet coast bordering on the Heavenly places. + +Of one thing only was I certain--the hand that still held mine, which +kept me from drifting quite away from the shores of time. I tried to +cling to it, but my hand could only lie nerveless within its firm grasp. +I believed if once the hold was loosened I should slip quietly out into +the broader sea just beyond me. I wondered which was best--life or +death,--then far down in my soul I seemed to grow strong, and could +calmly say, "as God wills;" and for a long time I seemed to be passively +awaiting His will. It was very strange, the thoughts I had, lying there +so far within the border land; as if the faculties of mind and soul had +nearly slipped the fleshly leash, and independently of their environment, +boldly held counsel, and speculated on the possibilities of their +immediate future. + +But gradually the wheels of life began to turn more strongly. When next +I opened my eyes the daylight was softly penetrating the closely drawn +curtains. Mrs. Flaxman was standing near, looking worn and pale; but Mrs. +Blake was also there, and loomed up before me, strong as ever--a look +into her kindly face was like a tonic. When she saw me watching her she +turned around, and very softly whispered to Mrs. Flaxman, who, casting a +startled, anxious glance towards me, went silently from the room. + +Mrs. Blake, without speaking, gave me some nourishment. After I had taken +it I began to feel more like a living creature. + +"Mrs. Blake," I whispered. She stooped down to listen. "Tell me, please, +how long I have lain here." + +"A good long bit, but the doctor says we mustn't talk to you, or let you +talk." + +"I am so tired thinking; won't you sing to me?" + +"My voice ain't no great shakes; but I'll do the very best I can for you, +dearie." + +She went to the other side of the room, and seating herself in a +comfortable easy-chair began in a low, crooning voice to sing one of +Doctor Watts' cradle melodies. + +Probably she had learned it in childhood from her own mother, and in turn +sung it again to the infant Daniel. It soothed me better than Beethoven +or Wagner's grandest compositions could have done. I lay with closed +eyes, seeing in imagination the great army of mothers who had lulled +their babies to sleep with those same words, and the angels hovering near +with folded wings guarding the sleeping nestlings. + +The voice grew indistinct, and presently sleep, more deep and refreshing +than I had known for weeks, enfolded me. The doctor entered the room at +last to put a stop to the music, and found Mrs. Blake tired and +perspiring, but singing steadily on. Without missing a note she pointed +to the bed and the peaceful sleeper. He smiled grimly and withdrew; no +doubt realizing there were other soporifics applied by nature than those +weighed and measured by the apothecary. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + +CONVALESCENCE. + + +When the curtains were withdrawn from my windows, and I was strong enough +to look once more on the outer world, I found the late April sun was +bringing back life and beauty to the trees and shrubbery around Oaklands. +Thomas and Samuel were well on with their gardening, and already a few +brave blossoms were smiling up at us from mother earth. I felt like one +who had been visiting dim, mysterious shores, and had got safely back +from those outlying regions. I used to lie in those quiet hours of +convalescence, trying to decide what was real and what fanciful in the +experiences of the last few weeks. When Mrs. Flaxman considered me strong +enough to listen to consecutive conversation she gave me the particulars +of my sudden attack of illness and the incidents connected therewith. + +I was one of the first stricken with a virulent type of typhoid fever +which, in very many cases, had proved fatal. + +A want of sanitary precaution in Cavendish had caused the outbreak which +caused, in loss of life, and incidental expenses, far more than the most +approved drainage would do in a generation. I was amazed when the names +of my fellow sufferers were mentioned; among them Mrs. Le Grande, whose +recovery was still considered by the doctors exceedingly uncertain. + +Mr. Winthrop, she informed me, had not sufficient confidence in the local +doctors to trust me entirely to their care, and at the height of the +fever had sent for one from New York. "But for that," she continued, "I +believe you would be in your grave to-day." + +"I did not think Mr. Winthrop would care very much. He is so angry with +me." + +"He very soon got over his anger when he found how sick you were. At +first he was nearly beside himself; for he thought it was the message I +had taken to you from him that day that caused your illness. He would +come to your bedside, and listen to your appeals for forgiveness with +such an expression of pain on his face. Sometimes he would take your +hands in his, assuring you of his forgiveness; but you never understood +him. I was afraid you would die without ever knowing." + +"But I would have known all about it, once my spirit had got freed from +the body; I cannot describe what glimpses I have had of other worlds +than ours. It seemed so restful there; so much better than we have words +to describe." + +"We are so glad you did not leave us for that place, even though it is so +beautiful." + +"When this life is done, and its work all finished, I may slip away +there. I think my soul saw its home and can never again be so fully +content with earth." + +"Try not to think about it, Medoline, any more." + +"Why not?" + +"When a person's spirits begin to get homesick for a higher existence, +usually they soon drift quietly away where they long to be." + +Another day she told me how much Mrs. Blake had done for me, nursing me +with a skill and patience that drew high praise from the dignified city +physician accustomed to skilled nurses. Mr. Winthrop used to come and go, +watching her closely, and one day he said:-- + +"No matter what happens, Mrs. Blake's future will be attended to." + +Then I asked the question that had been troubling me ever since I had +been getting better. + +"Why do I never see or hear anything from Mr. Winthrop? you say he has +forgiven me; but he has not so much as sent me a message, or flower +since I came to myself." + +"Why, Medoline, did you not know?" + +"Know what?" I asked, interrupting her, "has he gone away with Mrs. Le +Grande?" I had forgotten for the moment that Mrs. Le Grande was even +weaker than myself. + +"Oh, no, indeed; marriage has been one of her least anxieties of late. +Mr. Winthrop is in London before this: I am looking for letters now every +day." + +"Has he gone to Europe?" + +"Yes; I thought of course you knew; he left the very day the doctor +pronounced you out of danger." + +"Did you know he thought of going?" + +"No, we were greatly surprised; I cannot think why he left so abruptly." + +"Perhaps he was afraid of Mrs. Le Grande. He knows how fascinating she +can be when she chooses." + +"I do not think she had anything to do with it. She was perfectly +harmless when he left, in the delirium of fever, with two physicians in +attendance." + +I was not convinced by Mrs. Flaxman's words, but said no more on the +subject. + +My strength rapidly returned once I had got in the open air. Thomas +always found it perfectly convenient now to take me for a drive, even at +most unseasonable hours. His gardening was pressing heavily upon him, and +no doubt it was hard for him to trust the care of flower and vegetable +beds to other hands; but of the two he preferred to trust them rather +than me, to strangers. + +We took long drives over hill and valley--for the most part taking the +road that skirted the seashore. Silently I would watch the white sails +disappearing beyond the eastern horizon, wishing that I could follow them +to my guardian's side. I missed the delightful hours I used to spend in +his study listening to his conversation, so different from that of any +human being I ever knew. He lived so far above the range of little minds, +the trivialities of everyday life, social gossip, and the like, seemed +to shrink from his presence. One always felt the touch of noble thoughts, +and the longing for high endeavor where he was. I lived over again in +these long, quiet drives, with the silent Thomas, those last few months, +when, with my innocent child's heart, I sunned myself in his presence, +unconscious of the rare charm and fascination that drew me to him. + +But as I grew stronger I turned from the past and its memories, +bitter-sweet, and set myself resolutely to the duty of living my life +well, independently of its secret unrest and pain. I knew that many +before me, multitudes after me, would be called to endure a like +discipline, and the world, no doubt, is the richer in what it holds as +imperishable because of the compensation suffering brings; for if we take +with a docile mind the discipline God gives, there will always be +compensation. One day, when I had come back strengthened from a long +drive along the seashore, a very pleasant surprise awaited me. Mrs. +Flaxman had received letters from Mr. Winthrop which, to my surprise, she +did not share with me. But she handed me a check for two hundred dollars, +which I was to distribute among my poor friends. That money I believe +helped to change the destinies of several lives: for I tried to lay it +out in a way that would help some to improve their chances to make life +a success. + +June, with its flowers and perfumes, came at last; and in the early +morning, when I used to ramble through the stretches of flowers and +shrubbery, and under the trees, tremulous with bird song, I wondered how +the owner of all this beauty could willingly banish himself from it. +Thomas permitted me to gather flowers at will--a favor I used to the +utmost, among others sending Mrs. Le Grande a daily remembrance from +Oaklands, in the shape of a bouquet of the choicest blossoms. + +At last I resolved to follow the flowers myself, though at the risk of +the second time incurring Mr. Winthrop's displeasure; but if she were +soon to die, as her attendants seemed to expect, surely here was +missionary work right at my door. I found the cottage a perfect bower of +roses. The garden in front was a wilderness of the choicest varieties I +had ever seen, and in the windows nothing could be seen but green leaves +and blossoms of every varying tint. It seemed hard to believe that the +rarest rose of all was lying there, fading slowly away amid all this +fragrance and beauty. I rang the bell, which was answered by the same +little maid who had received me before. I asked for Mrs. Le Grande. + +"She's no better, ma'am, and Missus thinks she'll never be; but, my! we +dassent tell her; she's that 'fraid of death." + +"Does she see strangers?" + +"There's not many comes to see her, but I'll tell her you're here. Just +step in here, please, and sit down for a minute." + +She opened a door near by; but I thanked her and said I would wait in the +garden among the roses for her answer. + +She soon came for me with a smiling face, saying Mrs. Le Grande would be +glad to see me, and then led the way to her room. + +Mrs. Le Grande was reclining in an invalid's chair, propped up with +pillows, a rich satin quilt thrown over her feet, and robed in a pink +silk wrapper that matched perfectly her exquisite complexion and the +roses fastened in her hair. She received me with a gaiety that, under the +circumstances, astonished me, saying: "Why, how well you look! Your +attack of fever could not have been so severe as mine." + +"I was very ill indeed, I cannot imagine how one could be worse and +live," I said, gravely. + +"But I shall not be so strong as you for some weeks. It has left me with +a troublesome cough, I shall be well when that leaves me." + +I felt constrained; uncertain what to say. Since her recovery was +doubtful I shrank from encouraging her in a false hope, and I could not +tell her that we all thought she must soon die. She soon noticed my +constraint, and began to rally me. + +"Is it on account of Mr. Winthrop's absence you are looking so +sorrowful?" she asked. + +"I was not thinking of him, but of you alone." + +"That is kind, but I am not flattered. I did not think I was such a +gloomy object for reflection." + +"I was only sorry to see you looking so frail, and wishing I could help +you," I said, gently. + +"If you only could, I would very soon discharge those useless doctors; +they are all alike, I believe; for I have tried each one of them in turn, +and they none of them have done much for me." + +"I do not think there is so much difference in doctors as people imagine, +if they but learn the nature of the disease, they all know the proper +remedies to use." + +"That is poor consolation for me, I know if I had a good physician I +would be well in a few days; but the trouble with those who have attended +me is, they do not understand my case and do not administer the proper +remedies." + +"Nature is an excellent healer herself. If wisely assisted, she soon +works the miracle of healing, unless,--" I hesitated. + +"Unless what?" she asked sharply. + +"God has willed otherwise." + +"I cannot listen to such words, I am not going to die until I am old. Oh, +why must we grow old and die at last? it was a cruel way to create us." + +"The other world seemed so beautiful to me when I was so sick, I scarcely +wanted to come back to this." + +"Well, it seems just the reverse to me, I lie awake at night and shudder +when I think of death and the grave. It makes me shudder now in the +sunshine, and with you smiling down so kindly at me. Please to never +mention such things to me again." + +I felt grieved; for then my task in coming here would be a vain one. +Day by day as I came to see her, the hectic flush in her cheek kept +deepening, and the eyes grew brighter and more sorrowful, while she grew +gradually weaker. + +Very soon the pretty parlor was vacated, while her bed was the only +comfortable resting-place. She was anxious to have me come, and the nurse +said she counted the hours between my departure and return. Her eagerness +to have me read to her puzzled me at first, especially since she was +indifferent as to what I read, but after a while I found that she prized +my reading merely because it acted as a sedative. During the night sleep +usually forsook her; but when I left she was generally sleeping +peacefully. She permitted me to read the Bible as much as I chose. One +day she explained the reason for her indifference in the matter:-- + +"I do not wish to get interested in anything you read, for then I would +keep awake to listen; but the sleep you bring me is better than all my +medicine, I set nurse reading to me one day; but her voice was +uncultivated, and her emphasis intolerable I should soon be well if you +would read to me all the time." + +"I never heard of any one getting raised from a sick-bed by so simple a +remedy." + +"You do not try to encourage me," she said, fretfully. + +I read on to her day after day until my voice grew husky, and the mere +act of speaking often wearied me. + +We all saw the end was rapidly approaching, but no one had the courage to +tell her. She got so angry with me one day when I suggested bringing Mr. +Lathrop to visit her, that I slipped quietly away to escape the storm I +had raised. I used to go and return with a sense of defeat that paralyzed +all hopeful enthusiasm, and fearing that Mr. Winthrop's displeasure had +probably been a second time incurred, without any corresponding gain to +debit the loss. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + +THE SOUND OF MARRIAGE BELLS. + + +I came home one day more dispirited than usual. I had found Mrs. Le +Grande weaker than ever, and yet she was clinging tenaciously to life, +and had that morning dictated an order to her dress-maker in New York for +a most elaborate costume. When I tried to urge her to think of something +more enduring than the raiment whose fashion and beauty soon changes, she +forbade me mentioning such a thing again in her presence, nor would she +listen to the Scripture reading on which I always insisted as the one +condition on which I would read to her at all. I knew my own words were +powerless to break the crust of worldliness and selfishness that bound +her heart, but I hoped God's word might pierce it. Hubert had returned +from college a few days before, and just as I entered the oak avenue from +the little footpath through the wood, I met him cantering along on Faery. + +"A stranger has just arrived whom you will be surprised to see," he +called to me. + +"Any one I know?" I asked carelessly. + +"I should say it was; and one whom you will be glad to see, if I am not +mistaken." + +"Won't you tell me who it is and so prolong my pleasure, for I am not +going direct to the house. I intend taking a stroll through the garden to +try and get some unhappy fancies brushed away by the blossoms." + +"Anticipation is said to exceed realization, so I will generously leave +you the former," he said, giving Faery the whip and cantering rapidly +away. + +I did not find the flowers such comforters as I hoped, and soon entered +the house, no doubt slightly impelled thereto by a natural curiosity as +well. I glanced into the drawing-room and parlors as I passed along the +hall and began to think Hubert was merely subjecting me to one of his +practical jokes, as I could see no sign of visitors anywhere, and I +concluded to go to the library and try for a while to forget myself and +heartaches in an hour's hard reading. I found the door ajar and when I +entered the room was surprised to find the curtains drawn, and the room +flooded with the June sunshine. I turned to the study-table to see who +might be taking such liberties in the master's absence when there, +standing with his back to me stood Mr. Winthrop himself. He turned +suddenly and saw me. "Ah, little one, have you come to speak to me?" + +"I did not know you were here; but I am very glad to speak to you--to +welcome you home," I said, giving him my hand. + +"You seem like one come back to me from the dead," he said, soberly, +still holding my hand. + +"I am not sure if it was not you who held me back from those shining +gates." + +"What do you mean?" + +"When you held my hand through that long night, I thought but for your +firm grasp I should drift out of reach of life altogether." + +"I tried to pray that night, Medoline, as I had never done before; I +believe my prayers were answered." + +"Then you have found that the Bible is true?" I asked, looking up eagerly +into his face. + +"Yes, every day more clearly." + +"Then it was well worth all the weariness and pain I endured to have you +say this; but have you fully forgiven me, Mr. Winthrop, and may we take +up our friendship as before?" + +"Must we take it up as before, Medoline? I have found I cannot be +satisfied with your friendship only?" + +"I do not understand you." + +"You drove me away, and you have forced me to return--must I leave again? +I cannot remain near you any longer with our relation to each other +unchanged. I must have your love or nothing. Friendship between us, and +nothing more, is out of the question. Can you not learn to love me, +Medoline?" + +I turned and placed both my hands in his. + +"Does this mean love instead of fear? Remember you told me not long ago +you were afraid of me; answer me truly, little one; do hand and heart go +together?" + +"If you care to have them," I murmured softly, "but, have you forgotten +Mrs. Le Grande?" + +"Long ago I ceased to think of her, only as one may remember a brief +surrender to an ignoble passion. The mistake I made was in measuring +womanhood generally by her standard--you have taught me, my darling, that +angels have not yet ceased to visit our poor earth." + +"Oh, Mr. Winthrop, you must not go to the other extreme or I shall soon +disappoint you." + +"You are all I could wish, Medoline. If it were possible I would not ask +any change in mind or body, my Eve--fresh from the hand of God." + +His words frightened me; for how could I ever fulfill his expectations? +He read my face. + +"Are you sure, Medoline, you love me as I want to be loved by my wife? +Have you gained your woman's heart with its full capacity for love or +suffering, or are you still only a child?" + +"I could die for you, Mr. Winthrop, if it were for your good; I do not +ask for anything better than to be near you always in time and eternity." + +"Since how long have you regarded me in this way, Medoline?" + +"You remember that long night holding my hand, when I was at the worst of +the fever? I saw everything clearly then. My spirit seemed to get away +from the body, or very nearly so, and looked on things as it had never +done before." + +"Did you wonder after that why I left you so abruptly?" + +"For a long time I thought you were still at Oaklands. Every day I used +to hope you might come, or send me a message." + +"You shall never be so left again till death separates us." + +"If you cared for me then, why did you leave me?" I asked timidly. + +"If I cared for you then, Medoline! Why don't you ask me when first I +began to love you?" + +"I did not think to ask." + +"Do you remember that day in the autumn when you had the Mill Road people +here?" + +"Yes." + +"You came to me, if you remember, with the widow Larkum's baby in your +arms, a very timid, and beseeching look on your face at the same time." + +I nodded in reply. + +"My heart went out to you then and there, as it never did to any woman. +I had been fascinated and amused with your ways before that. How I have +waited and hoped since then to see you turn to me with the love-light in +your eyes! Fear lest I might lose my self-restraint and speak too soon, +drove me from you--fear lest some other man would win what I so +passionately craved has brought me back. Darling, you have made this +the happiest day of my life." + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + +THE END. + + +I never saw Mrs. Le Grande again alive. The following morning I made my +confession to Mr. Winthrop, and got his consent to continue my visits +to the sick room, at Rose Cottage, until recovery or death should take +place. My one anxiety as I walked along the field and woodland that day, +was lest my face might reveal to her keen vision the gladness that +thrilled all my pulses. I did not wait to ring the bell but went directly +to her rooms. The parlor door was closed; when I opened it, at the +farther end of the room I was startled to see a white-robed form lying on +one of the sofas. + +I hesitated with sudden fear, but finally summoning all my resolution I +crossed the room and stood beside the clay-cold form of Mrs. Le Grande. +The nurse who was in the adjoining room came to my side and after a few +seconds' silence she said, gently: + +"I never felt so lonesome with any dying person as with her last night." + +"Did she know she was dying?" + +"Yes, we told her. It seemed dreadful to let her go before her Maker +without a prayer for mercy, but her thoughts, for all we told her, were +more about this world than the next. She made her will as soon as the +doctor came. We sent for him in haste, and then she told us what to put +on her when we prepared her for the coffin. That's the gown she was to +have been married in. She said: 'Mr. Winthrop shall see his bride in her +wedding dress, at last.'" + +I looked at the rich white satin, with its exquisite trimming of lace, +and the fresh gathered roses instead of orange blossoms. + +"Did she say nothing about where her soul was going?" I asked, yet +dreading a reply. + +"After he'd got the will drawn, the doctor asked her if her business for +another world was satisfactorily arranged; but she said the next world +would have to wait its turn after she'd got there; she had no strength +left to make any more preparations." + +I turned away, too sick at heart to listen longer, but the nurse followed +me with a message from the dying woman. + +"It was her special request that you and Mr. Winthrop should come to her +funeral, and afterward be present at the reading of the will. I am not at +liberty to explain, but I think you will regret it if you do not come. +She said that was to be the sign of reconciliation between her and Mr. +Winthrop." + +"I will deliver the message, and, if possible, prevail on him to come," +I promised, and then hastily left the house. When I reached home I went +directly to the library where I found Mr. Winthrop. He looked surprised +to see me back so soon, and then, noticing traces of tears on my face, +said: + +"What is wrong, little one?" + +"Mrs. Le Grande died sometime during the night. The nurse told me she +showed no anxiety respecting her future state." + +He was silent. At last I said: "You have forgiven her, Mr. Winthrop?" + +"Forgiven her! Yes, Medoline; and if she had lived, I could never have +repaid her for the lesson she taught me, and the favor she conferred on +me by going away so abruptly." + +"Then you will grant her last request that we should both attend her +funeral, and the reading of her will. I have an impression she has left +each of us some keepsake, as a token of her repentance." + +"Don't you think, little one, that would be a mercenary motive to take us +there?" + +"But I want you to grant her dying request," I murmured, already ashamed +of my argument. + +"We will both go, assuredly; and in the meantime I shall see that +preparations for her funeral are suitably arranged." + +"You will look upon her dead face; she left directions as to how she +should be robed for the grave. She said you should see your bride in her +wedding dress at last." + +"I expect, before many weeks, to see my own precious bride. I shall be +indifferent as to her dress. It will be herself I shall look at," he said +with a caress that for the time made me forget Mrs. Le Grande. + +We went to the funeral, to which went also a good part of the townsfolk; +for curiosity was on tip-toe. Thomas was greatly mystified when Mr. +Winthrop, leaving Mrs. Flaxman at Oaklands, bade him drive us back to +Linden Lane. Dr. Hill was there, and Mrs. Le Grande's lawyer from New +York, and Dr. Townshend, who had drawn her will, with the nurse and +landlady, who were her witnesses. Presently the lawyer put on his +spectacles, and broke the seal, and then in a hard, dry voice began to +read the will. I listened with languid interest until presently Mr. +Winthrop's name was mentioned. I looked at him with keen surprise. Could +it be possible Mrs. Le Grande had willed him the bulk of her fortune? His +face was pale, I could see no trace of a satisfaction one might naturally +expect on the face of another at such unexpected accession of wealth; +rather he looked grieved and shocked. Before I had time to recover myself +my own name was read off in the even, unimpassioned tones of the lawyer. +She left me her jewelry, pictures, and other valuables. It seemed like +one of the fairy tales of my childhood. There was something pathetic, +too, in the wording of her will: "I hope they will adorn a happier woman +than I have been," as if that, too, were a legacy she bequeathed me. + +The formality of reading the will ended, Mr. Winthrop asked for an +immediate and private interview with the lawyer. Afterward I learned it +was to see if some informality could not be discovered, rendering the +will illegal, but this was impossible. He took the money as a sacred +trust, expending the interest year by year on religious and benevolent +objects. Into many a heathen household has it already carried the blessed +light of the gospel--to many a burdened heart has it come to lighten the +load of poverty and care. + +The story of one memorable year of my life is told. It was the prelude to +many a happier year. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Medoline Selwyn's Work, by Mrs. J. J. 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