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diff --git a/1763.txt b/1763.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bceb94d --- /dev/null +++ b/1763.txt @@ -0,0 +1,861 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Nature Faker, by Richard Harding Davis + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Nature Faker + +Author: Richard Harding Davis + +Posting Date: October 28, 2008 [EBook #1763] +Release Date: May, 1999 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE NATURE FAKER *** + + + + +Produced by Aaron Cannon + + + + + +THE NATURE FAKER + +By Richard Harding Davis + + + +Richard Herrick was a young man with a gentle disposition, much +money, and no sense of humor. His object in life was to marry Miss +Catherweight. For three years she had tried to persuade him this could +not be, and finally, in order to convince him, married some one else. +When the woman he loves marries another man, the rejected one is +popularly supposed to take to drink or to foreign travel. Statistics +show that, instead, he instantly falls in love with the best friend of +the girl who refused him. But, as Herrick truly loved Miss Catherweight, +he could not worship any other woman, and so he became a lover of +nature. Nature, he assured his men friends, does not disappoint you. The +more thought, care, affection you give to nature, the more she gives +you in return, and while, so he admitted, in wooing nature there are +no great moments, there are no heart-aches. Jackson, one of the men +friends, and of a frivolous disposition, said that he also could admire +a landscape, but he would rather look at the beautiful eyes of a girl +he knew than at the Lakes of Killarney, with a full moon, a setting sun, +and the aurora borealis for a background. Herrick suggested that, +while the beautiful eyes might seek those of another man, the Lakes of +Killarney would always remain where you could find them. Herrick pursued +his new love in Connecticut on an abandoned farm which he converted into +a "model" one. On it he established model dairies and model incubators. +He laid out old-fashioned gardens, sunken gardens, Italian gardens, +landscape gardens, and a game preserve. + +The game preserve was his own especial care and pleasure. It consisted +of two hundred acres of dense forest and hills and ridges of rock. It +was filled with mysterious caves, deep chasms, tiny gurgling streams, +nestling springs, and wild laurel. It was barricaded with fallen +tree-trunks and moss-covered rocks that had never felt the foot of man +since that foot had worn a moccasin. Around the preserve was a high +fence stout enough to keep poachers on the outside and to persuade +the wild animals that inhabited it to linger on the inside. These wild +animals were squirrels, rabbits, and raccoons. Every day, in sunshine +or in rain, entering through a private gate, Herrick would explore this +holy of holies. For such vermin as would destroy the gentler animals +he carried a gun. But it was turned only on those that preyed upon his +favorites. For hours he would climb through this wilderness, or, seated +on a rock, watch a bluebird building her nest or a squirrel laying in +rations against the coming of the snow. In time he grew to think he knew +and understood the inhabitants of this wild place of which he was the +overlord. He looked upon them not as his tenants but as his guests. And +when they fled from him in terror to caves and hollow tree-trunks, he +wished he might call them back and explain he was their friend, that it +was due to him they lived in peace. He was glad they were happy. He was +glad it was through him that, undisturbed, they could live the simple +life. + +His fall came through ambition. Herrick himself attributed it to his +too great devotion to nature and nature's children. Jackson, he of the +frivolous mind, attributed it to the fact that any man is sure to come +to grief who turns from the worship of God's noblest handiwork, by which +Jackson meant woman, to worship chipmunks and Plymouth Rock hens. One +night Jackson lured Herrick into New York to a dinner and a music hall. +He invited also one Kelly, a mutual friend of a cynical and combative +disposition. Jackson liked to hear him and Herrick abuse each other, and +always introduced subjects he knew would cause each to lose his temper. + +But, on this night, Herrick needed no goading. He was in an ungrateful +mood. Accustomed to food fresh from the soil and the farmyard, he +sneered at hothouse asparagus, hothouse grapes, and cold-storage quail. +At the music hall he was even more difficult. In front of him sat a +stout lady who when she shook with laughter shed patchouli and a man who +smoked American cigarettes. At these and the steam heat, the nostrils of +Herrick, trained to the odor of balsam and the smoke of open wood fires, +took offense. He refused to be amused. The monologue artist, in whom +Jackson found delight, caused Herrick only to groan; the knockabout +comedians he hoped would break their collar-bones; the lady who danced +Salome, and who fascinated Kelly, Herrick prayed would catch pneumonia +and die of it. And when the drop rose upon the Countess Zichy's bears, +his dissatisfaction reached a climax. + +There were three bears--a large papa bear, a mamma bear, and the baby +bear. On the programme they were described as Bruno, Clara, and Ikey. +They were of a dusty brown, with long, curling noses tipped with white, +and fat, tan-colored bellies. When father Bruno, on his hind legs and +bare feet, waddled down the stage, he resembled a Hebrew gentleman in a +brown bathing suit who had lost his waist-line. As he tripped doubtfully +forward, with mincing steps, he continually and mournfully wagged his +head. He seemed to be saying: "This water is much too cold for me." The +mamma bear was dressed in a poke bonnet and white apron, and resembled +the wolf who frightened Little Red Riding-Hood, and Ikey, the baby bear, +wore rakishly over one eye the pointed cap of a clown. To those who knew +their vaudeville, this was indisputable evidence that Ikey would furnish +the comic relief. Nor did Ikey disappoint them. He was a wayward son. +When his parents were laboriously engaged in a boxing-match, or dancing +to the "Merry Widow Waltz," or balancing on step-ladders, Ikey, on all +fours, would scamper to the foot-lights and, leaning over, make a swift +grab at the head of the first trombone. And when the Countess Zichy, +apprised by the shouts of the audience of Ikey's misconduct, waved a toy +whip, Ikey would gallop back to his pedestal and howl at her. To every +one, except Herrick and the first trombone, this playfulness on the part +of Ikey furnished great delight. + +The performances of the bears ended with Bruno and Clara dancing heavily +to the refrain of the "Merry Widow Waltz," while Ikey pretended to +conduct the music of the orchestra. On the final call, Madame Zichy +threw to each of the animals a beer bottle filled with milk; and the +gusto with which the savage-looking beasts uncorked the bottles and +drank from them greatly amused the audience. Ikey, standing on his hind +legs, his head thrown back, with both paws clasping the base of the +bottle, shoved the neck far down his throat, and then, hurling it +from him, and cocking his clown's hat over his eyes, gave a masterful +imitation of a very intoxicated bear. + +"That," exclaimed Herrick hotly, "is a degrading spectacle. It degrades +the bear and degrades me and you." + +"No, it bores me," said Kelly. + +"If you understood nature," retorted Herrick, "and nature's children, it +would infuriate you." + +"I don't go to a music hall to get infuriated," said Kelly. + +"Trained dogs I don't mind," exclaimed Herrick. "Dogs are not wild +animals. The things they're trained to do are of USE. They can guard the +house, or herd sheep. But a bear is a wild beast. Always will be a wild +beast. You can't train him to be of use. It's degrading to make him ride +a bicycle. I hate it! If I'd known there were to be performing bears +to-night, I wouldn't have come!" + +"And if I'd known you were to be here to-night, I wouldn't have come!" +said Kelly. "Where do we go to next?" + +They went next to a restaurant in a gayly decorated cellar. Into this +young men like themselves and beautiful ladies were so anxious to hurl +themselves that to restrain them a rope was swung across the entrance +and page boys stood on guard. When a young man became too anxious to +spend his money, the page boys pushed in his shirt front. After they +had fought their way to a table, Herrick ungraciously remarked he would +prefer to sup in a subway station. The people, he pointed out, would be +more human, the decorations were much of the same Turkish-bath school of +art, and the air was no worse. + +"Cheer up, Clarence!" begged Jackson, "you'll soon be dead. To-morrow +you'll be back among your tree-toads and sunsets. And, let us hope," he +sighed, "no one will try to stop you!" + +"What worries me is this," explained Herrick. "I can't help thinking +that, if one night of this artificial life is so hard upon me, what must +it be to those bears!" + +Kelly exclaimed, with exasperation: "Confound the bears!" he cried. "If +you must spoil my supper weeping over animals, weep over cart-horses. +They work. Those bears are loafers. They're as well fed as pet canaries. +They're aristocrats." + +"But it's not a free life!" protested Herrick. "It's not the life they +love." + +"It's a darned sight better," declared Kelly, "than sleeping in a damp +wood, eating raw blackberries----" + +"The more you say," retorted Herrick, "the more you show you know +nothing whatsoever of nature's children and their habits." + +"And all you know of them," returned Kelly, "is that a cat has nine +lives, and a barking dog won't bite. You're a nature faker." Herrick +refused to be diverted. + +"It hurt me," he said. "They were so big, and good-natured, and +helpless. I'll bet that woman beats them! I kept thinking of them as +they were in the woods, tramping over the clean pine needles, eating +nuts, and--and honey, and----" + +"Buns!" suggested Jackson. + +"I can't forget them," said Herrick. "It's going to haunt me, to-morrow, +when I'm back in the woods; I'll think of those poor beasts capering +in a hot theatre, when they ought to be out in the open as God meant +they----" + +"Well, then," protested Kelly, "take 'em to the open. And turn 'em +loose! And I hope they bite YOU!" + +At this Herrick frowned so deeply that Kelly feared he had gone too far. +Inwardly, he reproved himself for not remembering that his friend lacked +a sense of humor. But Herrick undeceived him. + +"You are right!" he exclaimed. "To-morrow I will buy those bears, take +them to the farm, and turn them loose!" + +No objections his friend could offer could divert him from his purpose. +When they urged that to spend so much money in such a manner was +criminally wasteful, he pointed out that he was sufficiently rich to +indulge any extravagant fancy, whether in polo ponies or bears; when +they warned him that if he did not look out the bears would catch him +alone in the woods, and eat him, he retorted that the bears were now +educated to a different diet; when they said he should consider the +peace of mind of his neighbors, he assured them the fence around his +game preserve would restrain an elephant. + +"Besides," protested Kelly, "what you propose to do is not only +impracticable, but it's cruelty to animals. A domesticated animal can't +return to a state of nature, and live." + +"Can't it?" jeered Herrick. "Did you ever read 'The Call of the Wild'?" + +"Did you ever read," retorted Kelly, "what happened at the siege of +Ladysmith when the oats ran low and they drove the artillery horses out +to grass? They starved, that's all. And if you don't feed your bears on +milk out of a bottle they'll starve too." + +"That's what will happen," cried Jackson; "those bears have forgotten +what a pine forest smells like. Maybe it's a pity, but it's the fact. +I'll bet if you could ask them whether they'd rather sleep in a cave +on your farm or be headliners in vaudeville, they'd tell you they were +'devoted to their art.'" + +"Why!" exclaimed Kelly, "they're so far from nature that if they didn't +have that colored boy to comb and brush them twice a day they'd be +ashamed to look each other in the eyes." + +"And another thing," continued Jackson, "trained animals love to 'show +off.' They're children. Those bears ENJOY doing those tricks. They ENJOY +the applause. They enjoy dancing to the 'Merry Widow Waltz.' And if you +lock them up in your jungle, they'll get so homesick that they'll give a +performance twice a day to the squirrels and woodpeckers." + +"It's just as hard to unlearn a thing as to learn it," said Kelly +sententiously. "You can't make a man who has learned to wear shoes enjoy +going around in his bare feet." + +"Rot!" cried Herrick. "Look at me. Didn't I love New York? I loved it so +I never went to bed for fear I'd miss something. But when I went 'Back +to the Land,' did it take me long to fall in love with the forests and +the green fields? It took me a week. I go to bed now the same day I get +up, and I've passed on my high hat and frock coat to a scarecrow. And +I'll bet you when those bears once scent the wild woods they'll stampede +for them like Croker going to a third alarm." + +"And I repeat," cried Kelly, "you are a nature faker. And I'll leave it +to the bears to prove it." + +"We have done our best," sighed Jackson. "We have tried to save him +money and trouble. And now all he can do for us in return is to give us +seats for the opening performance." + +What the bears cost Herrick he never told. But it was a very large sum. +As the Countess Zichy pointed out, bears as bears, in a state of nature, +are cheap. If it were just a bear he wanted, he himself could go to +Pike County, Pennsylvania, and trap one. What he was paying for, she +explained, was the time she had spent in educating the Bruno family, and +added to that the time during which she must now remain idle while she +educated another family. + +Herrick knew for what he was paying. It was the pleasure of rescuing +unwilling slaves from bondage. As to their expensive education, if +they returned to a state of ignorance as rapidly as did most college +graduates he knew, he would be satisfied. Two days later, when her +engagement at the music hall closed, Madame Zichy reluctantly turned +over her pets to their new manager. With Ikey she was especially loath +to part. + +"I'll never get one like him," she wailed, "Ikey is the funniest +four-legged clown in America. He's a natural-born comedian. Folks think +I learn him those tricks, but it's all his own stuff. Only last week we +was playing Paoli's in Bridgeport, and when I was putting Bruno through +the hoops, Ikey runs to the stage-box and grabs a pound of caramels out +of a girl's lap-and swallows the box. And in St. Paul, if the trombone +hadn't worn a wig, Ikey would have scalped him. Say, it was a scream! +When the audience see the trombone snatched bald-headed, and him trying +to get back his wig, and Ikey chewing it, they went crazy. You can't +learn a bear tricks like that. It's just genius. Some folks think I +taught him to act like he was intoxicated, but he picked that up, too, +all by himself, through watching my husband. And Ikey's very fond of +beer on his own account. If I don't stop them, the stage hands would be +always slipping him drinks. I hope you won't give him none." + +"I will not!" said Herrick. + +The bears, Ikey in one cage and Bruno and Clara in another, travelled +by express to the station nearest the Herrick estate. There they were +transferred to a farm wagon, and grumbling and growling, and with +Ikey howling like an unspanked child, they were conveyed to the game +preserve. At the only gate that entered it, Kelly and Jackson and a +specially invited house party of youths and maidens were gathered to +receive them. At a greater distance stood all of the servants and farm +hands, and as the wagon backed against the gate, with the door of Ikey's +cage opening against it, the entire audience, with one accord, moved +solidly to the rear. Herrick, with a pleased but somewhat nervous smile, +mounted the wagon. But before he could unlock the cage Kelly demanded to +be heard. He insisted that, following the custom of all great artists, +the bears should give a farewell performance. + +He begged that Bruno and Clara might be permitted to dance together. He +pointed out that this would be the last time they could listen to the +strains of the "Merry Widow Waltz." He called upon everybody present to +whistle it. + +The suggestion of an open-air performance was received coldly. At the +moment no one seemed able to pucker his lips into a whistle, and some +even explained that with that famous waltz they were unfamiliar. + +One girl attained an instant popularity by pointing out that the bears +could waltz just as well on one side of the fence as the other. Kelly, +cheated of his free performance, then begged that before Herrick +condemned the bears to starve on acorns, he should give them a farewell +drink, and Herrick, who was slightly rattled, replied excitedly that +he had not ransomed the animals only to degrade them. The argument was +interrupted by the French chef falling out of a tree. He had climbed it, +he explained, in order to obtain a better view. + +When, in turn, it was explained to him that a bear also could climb +a tree, he remembered he had left his oven door open. His departure +reminded other servants of duties they had neglected, and one of +the guests, also, on remembering he had put in a long-distance call, +hastened to the house. Jackson suggested that perhaps they had better +all return with him, as the presence of so many people might frighten +the bears. At the moment he spoke, Ikey emitted a hideous howl, whether +of joy or rage no one knew, and few remained to find out. It was not +until Herrick had investigated and reported that Ikey was still behind +the bars that the house party cautiously returned. The house party +then filed a vigorous protest. Its members, with Jackson as spokesman, +complained that Herrick was relying entirely too much on his supposition +that the bears would be anxious to enter the forest. Jackson pointed out +that, should they not care to do so, there was nothing to prevent them +from doubling back under the wagon; in which case the house party and +all of the United States lay before them. It was not until a lawn-tennis +net and much chicken wire was stretched in intricate thicknesses +across the lower half of the gate that Herrick was allowed to proceed. +Unassisted, he slid back the cage door, and without a moment's +hesitation Ikey leaped from the wagon through the gate and into the +preserve. For an instant, dazed by the sudden sunlight, he remained +motionless, and then, after sniffing delightedly at the air, stuck his +nose deep into the autumn leaves. Turning on his back, he luxuriously +and joyfully kicked his legs, and rolled from side to side. + +Herrick gave a shout of joy and triumph. "What did I tell you!" he +called. "See how he loves it! See how happy he is." + +"Not at all," protested Kelly. "He thought you gave him the sign to +'roll over.' Tell him to 'play dead,' and he'll do that." "Tell ALL +the bears to 'play dead,'" begged Jackson, "until I'm back in the +billiard-room." + +Flushed with happiness, Herrick tossed Ikey's cage out of the wagon, +and opened the door of the one that held Bruno and Clara. On their part, +there was a moment of doubt. As though suspecting a trap, they moved to +the edge of the cage, and gazed critically at the screen of trees and +tangled vines that rose before them. + +"They think it's a new backdrop," explained Kelly. + +But the delight with which Ikey was enjoying his bath in the autumn +leaves was not lost upon his parents. Slowly and clumsily they dropped +to the ground. As though they expected to be recalled, each turned to +look at the group of people who had now run to peer through the wire +meshes of the fence. But, as no one spoke and no one signalled, the +three bears, in single file, started toward the edge of the forest. They +had of cleared space to cover only a little distance, and at each step, +as though fearful they would be stopped and punished, one or the other +turned his head. But no one halted them. With quickening footsteps the +bears, now almost at a gallop, plunged forward. The next instant they +were lost to sight, and only the crackling of the underbrush told that +they had come into their own. + +Herrick dropped to the ground and locked himself inside the preserve. + +"I'm going after them," he called, "to see what they'll do." + +There was a frantic chorus of entreaties. + +"Don't be an ass!" begged Jackson. "They'll eat you." Herrick waved his +hand reassuringly. + +"They won't even see me," he explained. "I can find my way about this +place better than they can. And I'll keep to windward of them, and watch +them. Go to the house," he commanded. "I'll be with you in an hour, and +report." + +It was with real relief that, on assembling for dinner, the house party +found Herrick, in high spirits, with the usual number of limbs, and +awaiting them. The experiment had proved a great success. He told how, +unheeded by the bears, he had, without difficulty, followed in their +tracks. For an hour he had watched them. No happy school-children, let +loose at recess, could have embraced their freedom with more obvious +delight. They drank from the running streams, for honey they explored +the hollow tree-trunks, they sharpened their claws on moss-grown rocks, +and among the fallen oak leaves scratched violently for acorns. So +satisfied was Herrick with what he had seen, with the success of his +experiment, and so genuine and unselfish was he in the thought of the +happiness he had brought to the beasts of the forests, that for him no +dinner ever passed more pleasantly. Miss Waring, who sat next to her +host, thought she had seldom met a man with so kind and simple a nature. +She rather resented the fact, and she was inwardly indignant that so +much right feeling and affection could be wasted on farmyard fowls, and +four-footed animals. She felt sure that some nice girl, seated at the +other end of the table, smiling through the light of the wax candles +upon Herrick, would soon make him forget his love of "Nature and +Nature's children." She even saw herself there, and this may have made +her exhibit more interest in Herrick's experiment than she really felt. +In any event, Herrick found her most sympathetic' and when dinner was +over carried her off to a corner of the terrace. It was a warm night in +early October, and the great woods of the game preserve that stretched +below them were lit with a full moon. + +On his way to the lake for a moonlight row with one of the house party +who belonged to that sex that does not row, but looks well in the +moon-light, Kelly halted, and jeered mockingly. + +"How can you sit there," he demanded, "while those poor beasts are +freezing in a cave, with not even a silk coverlet or a pillow-sham. You +and your valet ought to be down there now carrying them pajamas." + +"Kelly," declared Herrick, unruffled in his moment of triumph, "I hate +to say, 'I told you so,' but you force me. Go away," he commanded. "You +have neither imagination nor soul." + +"And that's true," he assured Miss Waring, as Kelly and his companion +left them. "Now, I see nothing in what I accomplished that is +ridiculous. Had you watched those bears as I did, you would have felt +that sympathy that exists between all who love the out-of-door life. A +dog loves to see his master pick up his stick and his hat to take him +for a walk, and the man enjoys seeing the dog leaping and quartering +the fields before him. They are both the happier. At least I am happier +to-night, knowing those bears are at peace and at home, than I would +be if I thought of them being whipped through their tricks in a dirty +theatre." Herrick pointed to the great forest trees of the preserve, +their tops showing dimly in the mist of moonlight. "Somewhere, down in +that valley," he murmured, "are three happy animals. They are no longer +slaves and puppets--they are their own masters. For the rest of their +lives they can sleep on pine needles and dine on nuts and honey. No one +shall molest them, no one shall force them through degrading tricks. +Hereafter they can choose their life, and their own home among the +rocks, and the----" Herrick's words were frozen on his tongue. From the +other end of the terrace came a scream so fierce, so long, so full of +human suffering, that at the sound the blood of all that heard it turned +to water. It was so appalling that for an instant no one moved, and then +from every part of the house, along the garden walks, from the servants' +quarters, came the sound of pounding feet. Herrick, with Miss Waring +clutching at his sleeve, raced toward the other end of the terrace. They +had not far to go. Directly in front of them they saw what had dragged +from the very soul of the woman the scream of terror. + +The drawing-room opened upon the terrace, and, seated at the piano, +Jackson had been playing for those in the room to dance. The windows to +the terrace were open. The terrace itself was flooded with moonlight. +Seeking the fresh air, one of the dancers stepped from the drawing-room +to the flags outside. She had then raised the cry of terror and fallen +in a faint. What she had seen, Herrick a moment later also saw. On the +terrace in the moon-light, Bruno and Clara, on their hind legs, were +solemnly waltzing. Neither the scream nor the cessation of the music +disturbed them. Contentedly, proudly, they continued to revolve in hops +and leaps. From their happy expression, it was evident they not only +were enjoying themselves, but that they felt they were greatly affording +immeasurable delight to others. Sick at heart, furious, bitterly hurt, +with roars of mocking laughter in his ears, Herrick ran toward the +stables for help. At the farther end of the terrace the butler had +placed a tray of liqueurs, whiskeys, and soda bottles. His back had been +turned for only a few moments, but the time had sufficed. + +Lolling with his legs out, stretched in a wicker chair, Herrick beheld +the form of Ikey. Between his uplifted paws he held aloof the base of +a decanter; between his teeth, and well jammed down his throat, was the +long neck of the bottle. From it issued the sound of gentle gurgling. +Herrick seized the decanter and hurled it crashing upon the terrace. +With difficulty Ikey rose. Swaying and shaking his head reproachfully, +he gave Herrick a perfectly accurate imitation of an intoxicated bear. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Nature Faker, by Richard Harding Davis + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE NATURE FAKER *** + +***** This file should be named 1763.txt or 1763.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/6/1763/ + +Produced by Aaron Cannon + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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