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diff --git a/17472-h/17472-h.htm b/17472-h/17472-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..50b8808 --- /dev/null +++ b/17472-h/17472-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,5109 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook Yorkshire Ditties, First Series, by John Hartley </title> +</head> + + +<body> +<pre> +Project Gutenberg's Yorkshire Ditties, First Series, by John Hartley + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Yorkshire Ditties, First Series + To Which Is Added The Cream Of Wit And Humour From His Popular Writings + +Author: John Hartley + +Release Date: February 10, 2006 [EBook #17472] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YORKSHIRE DITTIES, FIRST SERIES *** + + + + +Produced by David Fawthrop + + + + +</pre> + +<h1 style="text-align: center;">Yorkshire Ditties, First +Series</h1> + +<h2 style="text-align: center;">to which is added the +Cream +of Wit and Humour from his popular writings. +</h2> + +<h3 style="text-align: center;">by</h3> + +<h2 style="text-align: center;">John Hartley, Born 1839, +Died 1915.</h2> + +<p style="text-align: center;">London W. Nicholson +& Sons, Limited, 26, Paternoster +Square, E.C +and Albion Works, Wakefield. [entered at stationers' hall]</p> + +<h3>Introduction</h3> + +<p>As the First Volume of the Yorkshire Ditties has been for some +time +out of print, and as there is a great demand for the very humorous +productions of Mr. Hartley's pen, it has been decided to reprint that +Volume, and also a Second One; both to be considerably enlarged and +enriched by Selections from Mr. Hartley's other humorous writings.</p> + +<p>The Publishers would also intimate that for this purpose they +have +purchased of Mr. Hartley the copyright of the DITTIES, and other +Pieces appended to each Volume.</p> + +<p>The Publishers presume that both Volumes will, on account of +their +great humour, be favourably received by the Public.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;"> +<h2>Contents.</h2> + +<h3><a href="#Poetry._">Poetry.</a></h3> + +<h4><a href="#Bite_Bigger."> +Bite Bigger.</a><br> + +<a href="#To_th_Swallow."> +To th' Swallow.</a><br> + +<a href="#Plenty_o_Brass.">Plenty o' Brass.</a><br> + +<a href="#Th_Little_Stranger.">Th' Little Stranger.</a><br> + +<a href="#Babby_Burds.">Babby Burds.</a><br> + +<a href="#Wayvin_Mewsic.">Wayvin Mewsic.</a><br> + +<a href="#Thats_a_Fact.">That's a Fact.</a><br> + +<a href="#Stop_at_Hooam.">Stop at Hooam.</a><br> + +<a href="#The_Short-Timer."> +The Short Timer. </a><br> + +<a href="#Th_First_oth_Sooart."> +Th' First o'th' Soart.</a><br> + +<a href="#Lines_on_finding_a_butterfly_in_a"> +Lines on Finding a Butterfly in a Weaving Shed.</a><br> + +<a href="#Uncle_Ben."> +Uncle Ben.</a><br> + +<a href="#The_New_Years_Resolve."> +The New Year's Resolve.</a><br> + +<a href="#The_Old_Bachelors_Story."> +The Old Bachelor's Story.</a><br> + +<a href="#Aght_o_Wark."> +Aght o' Wark.</a><br> + +<a href="#Another_Babby."> +Another Babby.</a><br> + +<a href="#Th_Little_Black_Hand."> +The Little Black Hand.</a><br> + +<a href="#Lillys_Gooan."> +Lily's Gooan.</a><br> + +<a href="#My_Native_Twang."> +My Native Twang.</a><br> + +<a href="#Shoos_thi_Sister."> +Shoo's thi' Sister.</a><br> + +<a href="#Persevere."> +Persevere.</a><br> + +<a href="#To_a_Roadside_Flower."> +To a Roadside Flower.</a><br> + +</h4> + +<h3><a name="Prose._Hartleys_Cream_of_Wit_and_Humour"></a><a href="#Prose._Hartleys_Cream_of_Wit_and"> +Prose. Hartley's Cream of Wit and Humour</a></h3> + +<h4><a href="#The_New_Year."> +The New Year.</a><br> + +<a href="#Valentine_Day."> +Valentine Day.</a><br> + +<a href="#March_Winds."> +March Winds.</a><br> + +<a href="#April_Fooils."> +April Fooils.</a><br> + +<a href="#Policemans_Scrape."> +Policeman's Scrape.</a><br> + +<a href="#Information."> +Information.</a><br> + +<a href="#Watterin_Places."> +Watterin' Places.</a><br> + +<a href="#Flaar_Shows."> +Flaar Shows.</a><br> + +<a href="#October_Ale."> +October Ale.</a><br> + +<a href="#Force_of_Example."> +Force of Example.</a><br> + +<a href="#Gunpaader_Plot."> +Gunpaader Plot.</a><br> + +<a href="#Th_Last_Month."> +Th' Last Month.</a><br> + +<a href="#Mediated_Strike."> +Meditated Strike.</a><br> + +<a href="#New_Years_Parties."> +New Year's Parties.</a><br> + +<a href="#Smiles_Tears_Getting_on."> +Smiles, Tears, Getting on.</a><br> + +<a href="#Mysterious_Disapperance."> +Mysterious Disappearance.</a><br> + +<a href="#Sam_it_up."> +Sam it up.</a><br> + +<a href="#Fooils."> +Fooils.</a><br> + +<a href="#Cleenin_Daan_Month."> +Cleanin' Daan Month.</a><br> + +<a href="#Hay-Making."> +Hay-making.</a><br> + +<a href="#Holinworth_Lake."> +Hollingworth Lake.</a><br> + +<a href="#Plagues."> +Plagues.</a><br> + +<a href="#End_o_th_Year."> +End o'th' Year.</a><br> + +<a href="#Scientific."> +Scientific.</a><br> + +<a href="#Valentine_Dream."> +Valentine Dream.</a></h4> + +<h3><a name="Poetry._"></a>Poetry.</h3> + +<h4><a name="Bite_Bigger."></a>Bite Bigger.</h4> + +As aw hurried throo th' taan to mi wark,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">(Aw wur lat, for all th' +whistles had gooan,)</span><br> + +Aw happen'd to hear a remark,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At ud fotch tears throo +th' heart ov a stooan—</span><br> + +It wur raanin, an' snawin, and cowd,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' th' flagstoans wur +covered wi' muck,</span><br> + +An' th' east wind booath whistled an' howl'd,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">It saanded like nowt but +ill luck;</span><br> + +When two little lads, donn'd i' rags,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Baght stockins or shoes +o' ther feet,</span><br> + +Coom trapesin away ower th' flags,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Booath on 'em sodden'd +wi th' weet.—</span><br> + +Th' owdest mud happen be ten,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Th' young en be hauf +on't,—noa moor;</span><br> + +As aw luk'd on, aw sed to misen,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">God help fowk this +weather 'at's poor!</span><br> + +Th' big en sam'd summat off th' graand,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' aw luk'd just to see +what 't could be;</span><br> + +'Twur a few wizend flaars he'd faand,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' they seem'd to ha +fill'd him wi glee:</span><br> + +An' he sed, "Come on, Billy, may be<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">We shall find summat +else by an by,</span><br> + +An' if net, tha mun share thease wi me<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When we get to some spot +where its dry."</span><br> + +Leet-hearted they trotted away,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' aw follow'd, coss +'twur i' mi rooad;</span><br> + +But aw thowt awd nee'er seen sich a day—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">It worn't fit ta be aght +for a tooad.</span><br> + +Sooin th' big en agean slipt away,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' sam'd summat else +aght o'th' muck,</span><br> + +An' he cried aght, "Luk here, Bill! to-day<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Arn't we blest wi' a +seet o' gooid luck?</span><br> + +Here's a apple! an' th' mooast on it's saand:<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">What's rotten aw'll +throw into th' street—</span><br> + +Worn't it gooid to ligg thear to be faand?<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nah booath on us con +have a treat."</span><br> + +Soa he wiped it, an' rubb'd it, an' then<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Sed, Billy, "thee bite +off a bit;</span><br> + +If tha hasn't been lucky thisen<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Tha shall share wi' me +sich as aw get."</span><br> + +Soa th' little en bate off a touch,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">T'other's face beamed +wi' pleasur all throo,</span><br> + +An' he said, "Nay, tha hasn't taen much,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Bite agean, an' bite +bigger; nah do!"</span><br> + +Aw waited to hear nowt noa moor,—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Thinks aw, thear's a +lesson for me!</span><br> + +Tha's a heart i' thi breast, if tha'rt poor:<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Th' world wur richer wi' +moor sich as thee!</span><br> + +Tuppince wur all th' brass aw had,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' awd ment it for ale +when coom nooin,</span><br> + +But aw thowt aw'll goa give it yond lad,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He desarves it for what +he's been dooin;</span><br> + +Soa aw sed, "Lad, here's tuppince for thee,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For thi +sen,"—an' they stared like two geese,</span><br> + +But he sed, woll th' tear stood in his e'e,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"Nah, it'll just be a +penny a piece."</span><br> + +"God bless thi! do just as tha will,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' may better days +speedily come;</span><br> + +Tho' clam'd, an' hauf donn'd, mi lad, still<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Tha'rt a deal nearer +Heaven nur some."<br> + +<br> + +</span> +<h4><a name="To_th_Swallow."></a>To th' +Swallow.</h4> + +Bonny burd! aw'm fain to see thee,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For tha tells ov breeter +weather;</span><br> + +But aw connot quite forgi thee,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Connot love thee +altogether.<br> + +<br> + +</span>'Tisn't thee aw fondly welcome—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Tis the cheerin news +tha brings,</span><br> + +Tellin us fine weather will come,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When we see thi dappled +wings.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But aw'd rayther have a sparrow,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Rayther hear a robin +twitter;</span><br> + +Tho' they may net be thi marrow,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">May net fly wi' sich a +glitter;<br> + +<br> + +</span>But they niver leeav us, niver—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Storms may come, but +still they stay;</span><br> + +But th' first wind 'at ma's thee shiver,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Up tha mounts an' flies +away.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Ther's too mony like thee, swallow,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At when fortun's sun +shines breet,</span><br> + +Like a silly buzzard follow,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Doncin raand a bit o' +leet.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But ther's few like Robin redbreast,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Cling throo days o' +gloom an' care;</span><br> + +Soa aw love mi old tried friends best—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Fickle hearts aw'll +freely spare.<br> + +<br> + +</span> +<h4><a name="Plenty_o_Brass."></a>Plenty o' +Brass.</h4> + +A'a! it's grand to ha' plenty o' brass!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">It's grand to be able to +spend</span><br> + +A trifle sometimes on a glass<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For yorsen, or sometimes +for a friend</span><br> + +To be able to bury yor neive<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Up to th' shackle i' +silver an' gowd</span><br> + +An', 'baght pinchin', be able to save<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">A wee bit for th' time +when yor owd.<br> + +<br> + +</span>A'a! it's grand to ha', plenty o' brass!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To be able to set daan +yor fooit</span><br> + +Withaght ivver thinkin'—bith' mass!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At yor wearin' soa +mitch off yor booit;</span><br> + +To be able to walk along th' street,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' stand at shop +windows to stare,</span><br> + +An' net ha' to beat a retreat<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If yo' scent a "bum +bailey" i' th' air.<br> + +<br> + +</span>A'a I it's grand to ha' plenty o' brass!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To be able to goa hoam +at neet,</span><br> + +An' sit i'th' arm-cheer bith' owd lass,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' want nawther foir +nor leet;</span><br> + +To tak' th' childer a paper o' spice,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Or a pictur' to hing up +o' th' wall;</span><br> + +Or a taste ov a summat 'at's nice<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For yor friends, if they +happen to call.<br> + +<br> + +</span>A'a! it's grand to ha' plenty o' brass!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Then th' parsons'll know +where yo' live:</span><br> + +If yo'r' poor, it's mooast likely they'll pass,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' call where fowk's +summat to give.</span><br> + +Yo' may have a trifle o' sense,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' yo' may be both +upright an' true</span><br> + +But that's nowt, if yo' can't stand th' expense<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Ov a hoal or a pairt ov +a pew.<br> + +<br> + +</span>A'a! it's grand to ha' plenty o' brass!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' to them fowk at's +getten a hoard,</span><br> + +This world seems as smooth as a glass,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' ther's flaars o' +boath sides o'th' road;</span><br> + +But him 'at's as poor as a maase,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Or, happen, a little i' +debt,</span><br> + +He mun point his noas up to th' big haase,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' be thankful for what +he can get.<br> + +<br> + +</span>A'a! it's grand to ha' plenty o' chink!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But doan't let it harden +yor heart:</span><br> + +Yo' 'at's blessed wi' abundance should think<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' try ta do gooid wi' +a part!</span><br> + +An' then, as yor totterin' daan,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' th' last grains o' +sand are i'th glass,</span><br> + +Yo' may find 'at yo've purchased a craan<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wi' makkin gooid use o' +yor brass.</span><br> + +<h4><a name="Th_Little_Stranger."></a>Th' +Little Stranger.</h4> + +Little bonny, bonny babby,<br> + +How tha stares, an' weel tha may,<br> + +For its but an haar, or hardly,<br> + +Sin' tha furst saw th' leet o' day.<br> + +<br> + +A'a! tha little knows, young moppet,<br> + +Ha aw'st have to tew for thee;<br> + +May be when aw'm forced to drop it,<br> + +'At tha'll do a bit for me.<br> + +<br> + +Are ta maddled, mun, amang it?<br> + +Does ta wonder what aw mean?<br> + +Aw should think tha does, but dang it!<br> + +Where's ta been to leearn to scream?<br> + +<br> + +That's noa sooart o' mewsic, bless thee!<br> + +Dunnot peawt thi lip like that!<br> + +Mun, aw hardly dar to nurse thee,<br> + +Feared awst hurt thee, little brat.<br> + +<br> + +Come, aw'll tak thee to thi mother;<br> + +Shoo's moor used to sich nor me:<br> + +Hands like mine worn't made to bother<br> + +Wi sich ginger-breead as thee.<br> + +<br> + +Innocent an' helpless craytur,<br> + +All soa pure an' undefiled!<br> + +If ther's ought belangs to heaven<br> + +Lives o'th' eearth, it is a child.<br> + +<br> + +An its hard to think, 'at some day,<br> + +If tha'rt spared to weather throo,<br> + +'At tha'll be a man, an' someway<br> + +Have to feight life's battles too.<br> + +<br> + +Kings an' Queens, an' lords an' ladies,<br> + +Once wor nowt noa moor to see;<br> + +An' th' warst wretch 'at hung o'th' gallows,<br> + +Once wor born as pure as thee.<br> + +<br> + +An' what tha at last may come to,<br> + +God aboon us all can tell;<br> + +But aw hope 'at tha'll be lucky,<br> + +Even tho aw fail mysel.<br> + +<br> + +Do aw ooin thee? its a pity!<br> + +Hush! nah prathi dunnot freat!<br> + +Goa an' snoozle to thi titty<br> + +Tha'rt too young for trouble yet.<br> + +<br> + +<h4><a name="Babby_Burds."></a>Babby Burds.</h4> + +Aw wander'd aght one summer's morn,<br> + +Across a meadow newly shorn;<br> + +Th' sun wor shinin' breet and clear,<br> + +An' fragrant scents rose up i'th' air,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' all wor still.</span><br> + +When, as my steps wor idly rovin,<br> + +Aw coom upon a seet soa lovin!<br> + +It fill'd mi heart wi' tender feelin,<br> + +As daan aw sank beside it, kneelin<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">O'th' edge o'th' hill.</span><br> + +<br> + +It wor a little skylark's nest,<br> + +An' two young babby burds, undrest,<br> + +Wor gapin wi' ther beaks soa wide,<br> + +Callin' for mammy to provide<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Ther mornin's meal;</span><br> + +An' high aboon ther little hooam,<br> + +Th' saand o' daddy's warblin coom,<br> + +Ringin' soa sweetly o' mi ear,<br> + +Like breathins thro' a purer sphere,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He sang soa weel.</span><br> + +<br> + +Ther mammy, a few yards away,<br> + +Wor hoppin' on a bit o' hay,<br> + +Too feard to come, too bold to flee;<br> + +An' watchin me wi' troubled e'e,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Shoo seem'd to say:</span><br> + +"Dooant touch my bonny babs, young man!<br> + +Ther daddy does the best he can<br> + +To cheer yo with his sweetest song;<br> + +An' thoase 'll sing as weel, ere long,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Soa let 'em stay."</span><br> + +<br> + +"Tha needn't think aw'd do 'em harm—<br> + +Come shelter 'em and keep 'em warm!<br> + +For aw've a little nest misel,<br> + +An' two young babs, aw'm praad to tell,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At's precious too;</span><br> + +An' they've a mammy watching thear,<br> + +'At howds them little ens as dear,<br> + +An' dearer still, if that can be,<br> + +Nor what thease youngens are to thee,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Soa come,—nah +do!</span><br> + +<br> + +"A'a well!—tha'rt shy, tha hops away,—<br> + +Tha doesn't trust a word aw say;<br> + +Tha thinks aw'm here to rob an' plunder,<br> + +An' aw confess aw dunnot wonder—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But tha's noa need;</span><br> + +Aw'll leave yo to yorsels,—gooid bye!<br> + +For nah aw see yor daddy's nigh;<br> + +He's dropt that strain soa sweet and strong;<br> + +He loves yo better nor his song—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He does indeed."</span><br> + +<br> + +Aw walk'd away, and sooin mi ear<br> + +Caught up the saand o' warblin clear;<br> + +Thinks aw, they're happy once agean;<br> + +Aw'm glad aw didn't prove so mean<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To rob that nest;</span><br> + +For they're contented wi ther lot,<br> + +Nor envied me mi little cot;<br> + +An' in this world, as we goa throo,<br> + +It is'nt mich gooid we can do,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' do awr best.</span><br> + +<br> + +Then let us do as little wrong<br> + +To ony as we pass along,<br> + +An' never seek a joy to gain<br> + +At's purchased wi another's pain,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">It isn't reet.</span><br> + +Aw shall goa hooam wi' leeter heart,<br> + +To mend awr Johnny's little cart:<br> + +(He allus finds me wark enough<br> + +To piecen up his brocken stuff,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For every neet.)</span><br> + +<br> + +An' Sally—a'a! if yo could see her!<br> + +When aw sit daan to get mi teah,<br> + +Shoo puts her dolly o' mi knee,<br> + +An' maks me sing it "Hush a bee,"<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I'th' rocking chear;</span><br> + +Then begs some sugar for it too;<br> + +What it can't ait shoo tries to do;<br> + +An' turnin up her cunnin e'e,<br> + +Shoo rubs th' doll maath, an says, "yo see,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">It gets its share.",</span><br> + +<br> + +Sometimes aw'm rayther cross? aw fear!<br> + +Then starts a little tremblin tear,<br> + +'At, like a drop o' glitt'rin dew<br> + +Swimmin within a wild flaar blue,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Falls fro ther e'e;</span><br> + +But as the sun in April shaars<br> + +Revives the little droopin flaars,<br> + +A kind word brings ther sweet smile back:<br> + +Aw raylee think mi brain ud crack<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If they'd ta dee.</span><br> + +<br> + +Then if aw love my bairns soa weel,<br> + +May net a skylark's bosom feel<br> + +As mich consarn for th' little things<br> + +'At snooze i'th' shelter which her wings<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Soa weel affoards?</span><br> + +If fowk wod nobbut bear i' mind<br> + +How mich is gained by bein' kind,<br> + +Ther's fewer breasts wi' grief ud swell,<br> + +An' fewer fowk ud thoughtless mell<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Even o'th' burds.</span><br> + +<br> + +<h4><a name="Wayvin_Mewsic."></a>Wayvin Mewsic.</h4> + +<br> + +Ther's mewsic i'th' shuttle, i'th' loom, an i'th frame,<br> + +Ther's melody mingled i'th' noise,<br> + +For th' active ther's praises, for th' idle ther's blame,<br> + +If they'd hearken to th' saand of its voice;<br> + +An' when flaggin a bit, ha refreshin to feel<br> + +As yo pause an luk raand on the throng,<br> + +At the clank o' the tappet, the hum o' the wheel,<br> + +Sing this plain unmistakable song:—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nick a ting, nock a ting;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wages keep pocketing;</span><br> + +Workin for little is better nor laiking;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Twist an' twine, reel +an' wind;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Keep a contented mind;</span><br> + +Troubles are oft ov a body's own making.<br> + +<br> + +To see workin fowk wi' a smile o' ther face<br> + +As they labor thear day after day;<br> + +An' hear 'th women's voices float sweetly throo 'th place,<br> + +As they join i' some favorite lay;<br> + +It saands amang th' din, as the violet seems<br> + +'At peeps aght th' green dockens among,<br> + +An' spreading a charm over th' rest by its means,<br> + +Thus it blends i' that steady old song;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nick a ting, nock a ting;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wages keep pocketing;</span><br> + +Workin for little is better nor laiking;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Twist an' twine, reel +an' wind;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Keep a contented mind;</span><br> + +Troubles are oft ov a body's own making.<br> + +<br> + +An' then see what lessons are laid out anent us,<br> + +As pick after pick follows time after time,<br> + +An' warns us tho' silent, to let nowt prevent us<br> + +From strivin by little endeavours to climb;<br> + +Th' world's made o' trifles! its dust forms a mountain!<br> + +Then niver despair as you're trudgin along;<br> + +If troubles will come an' yor spirits dishearten,<br> + +Yo'll find ther's relief i' that steady old song;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nick a ting, nock a ting;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wages keep pocketing;</span><br> + +Working for little is better nor laiking;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Twist an' twine, reel +an' wind;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Keep a contented mind;</span><br> + +Troubles are oft ov a body's own making.<br> + +<br> + +Life's warp comes throo Heaven, th' weft's fun bi us sen;<br> + +To finish a piece we're compell'd to ha booath.<br> + +Th' warp's reight, but if th' weft should be faulty—ha then?<br> + +Noa wayver i' th' world can produce a gooid clooath;<br> + +Then let us endeavour, bi working and striving,<br> + +To finish awr piece soa's noa fault can be fun;<br> + +An' then i' return for awr pains an contriving,<br> + +Th' takker in 'll reward us an' whisper' well done.'<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Clink a clank, clink a +clank,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Workin withaat a thank,</span><br> + +May be awr fortun—if soa never mind it!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Striving to do awr best,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">We shall be reight at +last,</span><br> + +If we lack comfort nah, then shall we find it.<br> + +<br> + +<h4><a name="Thats_a_Fact."></a>That's a Fact.</h4> + +<br> + +A'a Mary aw'm glad 'at that's thee!<br> + +Aw need thy advice, lass, aw'm sure;<br> + +Aw'm all ov a mooild tha can see,<br> + +Aw wor never i' this way afoor,<br> + +Aw've net slept a wink all th' neet throo;<br> + +Aw've been twirling abaght like a worm,<br> + +An' th' blankets gate felter'd, lass, too—<br> + +Tha niver saw cloas i' sich form.<br> + +Aw'll tell thee what 't all wor abaght—<br> + +But promise tha'll keep it reight squat,<br> + +For aw wodn't for th' world let it aght;<br> + +But aw can't keep it in—tha knows that.<br> + +We'd a meetin at the schooil yesterneet,<br> + +An' Jimmy wor thear,—tha's seen Jim?<br> + +An' he hutch'd cloise to me in a bit,<br> + +To ax me for th' number o'th' hymn;<br> + +Aw thowt 't wor a gaumless trick,<br> + +For he heeard it geen aght th' same as me;<br> + +An' he just did th' same thing tother wick,—<br> + +It made fowk tak noatice, dos't see.<br> + +An' when aw wor gooin towards hooam<br> + +Aw heeard som'dy comin behund:<br> + +'Twor pitch dark, an' aw thowt if they coom,<br> + +Aw should varry near sink into th' graund.<br> + +Aw knew it wor Jim bi his traid,<br> + +An' aw tried to get aght ov his gate;<br> + +But a'a! tha minds, lass, aw wor flaid,<br> + +Aw wor niver i' sich en a state.<br> + +Then aw felt som'dy's arm raand my shawl,<br> + +An' aw said, "nah, leave loise or aw'll screeam!<br> + +Can't ta let daycent lasses alooan,<br> + +Consarn thi up! what does ta mean?"<br> + +But he stuck to mi arm like a leach,<br> + +An' he whispered a word i' mi ear;<br> + +It took booath my breeath an' my speech,<br> + +For aw'm varry sooin thrown aght o' gear.<br> + +Then he squeezed me cloise up to his sel,<br> + +An' he kussed me, i' spite o' mi teeth:<br> + +Aw says, "Jimmy, forshame o' thisel!"<br> + +As sooin as aw'd getten mi breeath:<br> + +But he wodn't be quiet, for he said<br> + +'At he'd loved me soa true an' soa long—<br> + +Aw'd ha' geen a ear off my yed<br> + +To get loise—but tha knows he's so a strong—<br> + +Then he tell'd me he wanted a wife,<br> + +An' he begged 'at aw wodn't say nay;—<br> + +Aw'd ne'er heeard sich a tale i' mi life,<br> + +Aw wor fesen'd whativer to say;<br> + +Cos tha knows aw've a likin' for Jim;<br> + +But yo can't allus say what yo mean,<br> + +For aw tremeld i' ivery limb,<br> + +But at last aw began to give way,<br> + +For, raylee, he made sich a fuss,<br> + +An aw kussed him an' all—for they say,<br> + +Ther's nowt costs mich less nor a kuss.<br> + +Then he left me at th' end o' awr street,<br> + +An' aw've felt like a fooil all th' neet throo;<br> + +But if aw should see him to neet,<br> + +What wod ta advise me to do?<br> + +But dooant spaik a word—tha's noa need,<br> + +For aw've made up mi mind ha to act,<br> + +For he's th' grandest lad iver aw seed,<br> + +An' aw like him th' best too—that's a fact!<br> + +<br> + +<a name="Stop_at_Hooam."></a>Stop at Hooam.<br> + +<br> + +"Tha wodn't goa an leave me, Jim,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">All lonely by mysel?</span><br> + +My een at th' varry thowts grow dim—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw connot say farewell.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Tha vow'd tha couldn't live unless<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Tha saw me every day,</span><br> + +An' said tha knew noa happiness<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When aw wor foorced a +way.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An th' tales tha towld, I know full weel,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wor true as gospel then;</span><br> + +What is it, lad, 'at ma's thee feel<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Soa +strange—unlike thisen?<br> + +<br> + +</span>Ther's raam enuff, aw think tha'll find,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I'th taan whear tha wor +born,</span><br> + +To mak a livin, if tha'll mind<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To ha' faith i' to-morn.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw've mony a time goan to mi wark<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Throo claads o' rain and +sleet;</span><br> + +All's seem'd soa dull, soa drear, an' dark,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">It ommust mud be neet.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But then, when braikfast time's come raand,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw've seen th' sun's +cheerin ray,</span><br> + +An' th' heavy lukkin claads have slunk<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Like skulkin lads away.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' then bi nooin it's shooan soa breet<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw've sowt some shade to +rest,</span><br> + +An' as aw've paddled hooam at neet,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Glorious it's sunk i'th +west.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' tho' a claad hangs ovver thee,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">(An' trouble's hard to +bide),</span><br> + +Have patience, lad, an' wait an' see<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">What's hid o'th' tother +side.<br> + +<br> + +</span>If aw wor free to please mi mind,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw'st niver mak this +stur;</span><br> + +But aw've a mother ommust blind,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">What mud become o' her?<br> + +<br> + +</span>Tha knows shoo cared for me, when waik<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' helpless ivery limb,</span><br> + +Aw'm feeard her poor owd heart ud braik<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If aw'd to leave her, +Jim.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw like to hear thee talk o' th' trees<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At tower up to th' sky,</span><br> + +An' th' burds 'at flutterin i'th' breeze,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 2em;">Lie glitterin' jewels fly.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Woll th' music of a shepherd's reed<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">May gently float along,</span><br> + +Lendin its tender notes to lead<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Some fair maid's simple +song;<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' flaars 'at grow o' ivery side,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Such as we niver see;</span><br> + +But here at hooam, at ivery stride,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">There's flaars for thee +an' me.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw care net for ther suns soa breet,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nor warblin melody;</span><br> + +Th' clink o' thi clogs o' th' flags at neet<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Saands sweeter, lad, to +me.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' tho' aw wear a gingham gaan,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">A claat is noa disgrace;</span><br> + +Tha'll niver find a heart moor warm<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Beat under silk or lace.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Then settle daan, tak my advice,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Give up this wish to +rooam!</span><br> + +An' if tha luks, tha'll find lots nice<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Worth stoppin' for at +hooam."<br> + +<br> + +</span>"God bless thee, Jenny! dry that e'e,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' gi'e us howd thi +hand!</span><br> + +For words like thoase, throo sich as thee,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">What mortal could +withstand!<br> + +<br> + +</span>It isn't mich o'th' world aw know,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But aw con truly say,</span><br> + +A faithful heart's too rich to throw<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Withaat a thowt away.</span><br> + +So here aw'll stay, and should fate fraan,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw'll tew for thine and +thee,</span><br> + +An' seek for comfort when cast daan,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I'th' sunleet o' thi +e'e."</span><br> + +<h4><a name="The_Short-Timer."></a>The +Short-Timer.</h4> + +Some poets sing o' gipsy queens,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' some o' ladies fine;</span><br> + +Aw'll sing a song o' other scenes,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">A humbler muse is mine:</span><br> + +Jewels, an' gold, an' silken frills,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Are things too heigh for +me,</span><br> + +But woll mi harp wi' vigour thrills,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw'll strike a chord for +thee.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">Poor lassie wan,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">Do th' best tha can,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Although thi fate be hard;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">A time ther'll be</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">When sich as thee</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Shall have yor full +reward.<br> + +<br> + +</span>At hauf-past five tha leaves thi bed,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' off tha goes to wark;</span><br> + +An' gropes thi way to mill or shed,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Six months o'th' year +i'th' dark.</span><br> + +Tha gets but little for thi pains,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But that's noa fault o' +thine;</span><br> + +Thi maister reckons up his gains,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' ligs i' bed till +nine.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">Poor lassie wan, +&c.<br> + +<br> + +</span>He's little childer ov his own<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At's quite as old as +thee;</span><br> + +They ride i' cushioned carriages<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At's beautiful to see;</span><br> + +They'd fear to spoil ther little hand,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To touch thy greasy brat:</span><br> + +It's wark like thine 'as maks 'em grand<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">They niver think o' that.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">Poor lassie wan, +&c.<br> + +<br> + +</span>I' summer time they romp an' play<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Where flowers grow wild +and sweet;</span><br> + +Ther bodies strong, ther spirits gay,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">They thrive throo morn +to neet.</span><br> + +But tha's a cough, aw hear tha has;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' oft aw've known thee +sick;</span><br> + +But tha mun work, poor little lass,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For hauf-a-craan a wick.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">Poor lassie wan, +&c.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw envy net fowks' better lot—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw should'nt like to +swap.</span><br> + +Aw'm quite contented wi'mi cot;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw'm but a warkin chap.</span><br> + +But if aw had a lot o' brass<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw'd think o' them 'at's +poor;</span><br> + +Aw'd have yo' childer workin' less,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' mak yor wages moor.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">Poor lassie wan, +&c.<br> + +<br> + +</span>"There is a land of pure delight,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Where saints immortal +reign,</span><br> + +Infinite day excludes the night,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And pleasures banish +pain."</span><br> + +Noa fact'ry bell shall greet thi ear,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I' that sweet home ov +love;</span><br> + +An' those 'at scorn thi sufferins here<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">May envy thee above.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 4.5em;">Poor lassie wan, +&c.</span><br> + +<h4><a name="Th_First_oth_Sooart."></a>Th' +First o'th Sooart.</h4> + +<br> + +Aw heeard a funny tale last neet—<br> + +Aw could'nt howd fro' laffin—<br> + +'Twor at th' Bull's Heead we chonced to meet,<br> + +An' spent an haar i' chaffin.<br> + +Some sang a song, some cracked a joak,<br> + +An' all seem'd full o' larkin;<br> + +An' th' raam war blue wi' bacca smook,<br> + +An' ivery e'e'd a spark in.<br> + +<br> + +Long Joa 'at comes thro th' Jumples cluff,<br> + +Wor gettin rayther mazy;<br> + +An' Warkus Ned had supped enuff<br> + +To turn they're Betty crazy;—<br> + +An Bob at lives at th' Bogeggs farm,<br> + +Wi' Nan throo th' Buttress Bottom,<br> + +Wor treating her to summat wanm,<br> + +(It's just his way,—"odd drot em!")<br> + +<br> + +An' Jack o'th' Slade wor theear as weel,<br> + +An' Joa o' Abe's throo Waerley;<br> + +An' Lijah off o'th' Lavver Hill,<br> + +Wor passing th' ale raand rarely.—<br> + +Throo raand and square they seem'd to meet,<br> + +To hear or tell a stoory;<br> + +But th' gem o' all aw heard last neet<br> + +Wor one bi Dooad o'th' gloory.<br> + +<br> + +He bet his booits 'at it wor true,<br> + +An' all seem'd to believe him;<br> + +Tho' if he'd lost he need'nt rue—<br> + +But 't wodn't ha done to grieve him<br> + +His uncle lived i' Pudsey taan,<br> + +An' practised local praichin;<br> + +An' if he 're lucky, he wor baan<br> + +To start a schooil for taichin.<br> + +<br> + +But he wor takken varry ill;<br> + +He felt his time wor comin:<br> + +(They say he brought it on hissel<br> + +Wi' studdyin his summin.)<br> + +He call'd his wife an' neighbors in<br> + +To hear his deein sarmon,<br> + +An' tell'd 'em if they liv'd i' sin<br> + +Ther lot ud be a warm en.<br> + +<br> + +Then turin raand unto his wife,<br> + +Said—"Mal, tha knows, owd craytur,<br> + +If awd been bless'd wi' longer life,<br> + +Aw might ha' left things straighter.<br> + +Joa Sooitill owes me eighteen pence—<br> + +Aw lent it him last lovefeast."<br> + +Says Mal—"He has'nt lost his sense—<br> + +Thank God for that at least!"<br> + +<br> + +"An Ben o'th' top o'th' bank tha knows,<br> + +We owe him one paand ten.".—<br> + +"Just hark!" says Mally, "there he goas!<br> + +He's ramellin agean!<br> + +Dooant tak a bit o' noatice, fowk!<br> + +Yo see, poor thing, he's ravin!<br> + +It cuts me up to hear sich talk—<br> + +He spent his life i' savin!<br> + +<br> + +"An, Mally, lass," he said agean,<br> + +"Tak heed o' my direction:<br> + +Th' schooil owes us hauf a craan—aw mean<br> + +My share o'th' last collection.—<br> + +Tha'll see to that, an have what's fair<br> + +When my poor life is past."—<br> + +Says Mally, "listen, aw declare,<br> + +He's sensible to th' last."<br> + +<br> + +He shut his een an' sank to rest—<br> + +Deeath seldom claimed a better:<br> + +They put him by,—but what wor th' best,<br> + +He sent 'em back a letter,<br> + +To tell 'em all ha he'd gooan on;<br> + +An' ha he gate to enter;<br> + +An' gave 'em rules to act upon<br> + +If ever they should ventur.<br> + +<br> + +Theear Peter stood wi' keys i' hand:<br> + +Says he, "What do you want, sir?<br> + +If to goa in—yo understand<br> + +Unknown to me yo can't sir.—<br> + +Pray what's your name? where are yo throo?<br> + +Just make your business clear."<br> + +Says he, "They call me Parson Drew,<br> + +Aw've come throo Pudsey here."<br> + +<br> + +"You've come throo Pudsey, do you say?<br> + +Doant try sich jokes o' me, sir;<br> + +Aw've kept thease doors too long a day,<br> + +Aw can't be fooiled bi thee, sir."<br> + +Says Drew, "aw wodn't tell a lie,<br> + +For th' sake o' all ther's in it:<br> + +If yo've a map o' England by,<br> + +Aw'll show yo in a minit."<br> + +<br> + +Soa Peter gate a time-table—<br> + +They gloored o'er th' map together:<br> + +Drew did all at he wor able,<br> + +But could'nt find a stiver.<br> + +At last says he, "Thear's Leeds Taan Hall,<br> + +An thear stands Braforth mission:<br> + +It's just between them two—that's all:<br> + +Your map's an old edition.<br> + +<br> + +But thear it is, aw'll lay a craan,<br> + +An' if yo've niver known it,<br> + +Yo've miss'd a bonny Yorksher taan,<br> + +Tho mony be 'at scorn it."<br> + +He oppen'd th' gate,—says he, "It's time<br> + +Some body coom—aw'll trust thee.<br> + +Tha'll find inside noa friends o' thine—<br> + +Tha'rt th' furst 'at's come throo Pudsey."<br> + +<br> + +<h4><a name="Lines_on_finding_a_butterfly_in_a"></a>Lines +on finding a butterfly in a weaving shed.</h4> + +Nay surelee tha's made a mistak;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Tha'rt aght o' thi +element here;</span><br> + +Tha may weel goa an' peark up oth' thack,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Thi bonny wings shakin +wi fear.<br> +<br> +</span> +Aw should think 'at theease rattlin looms<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Saand queer sooart o' +music to thee;</span><br> + +An' tha'll hardly quite relish th' perfumes<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">O' +miln-grease,—what th' quality be.<br> +<br> +</span> +Maybe' tha'rt disgusted wi' us,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' thinks we're a low +offald set</span><br> + +But tha'rt sadly mistaen if tha does,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For ther's hooap an' +ther's pride in us yet.<br> +<br> +</span> +Tha wor nobbut a worm once thisen,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' as humble as humble +could be;</span><br> + +An' tho we nah are like tha wor then,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">We may yet be as nobby +as thee.<br> +<br> +</span> +Tha'd to see thi own livin when young,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' when tha grew up +tha'd to spin;</span><br> + +An' if labor like that worn't wrong,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Tha con hardly call +wayvin 'a sin.'<br> +<br> +</span> +But tha longs to be off aw con tell;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For tha shows 'at tha +ar'nt content:</span><br> + +Soa aw'll oppen thee th' window—farewell!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Off tha goas, bonny +fly!—An' it went.</span><br> + +<h4><a name="Uncle_Ben."></a>Uncle Ben.</h4> + +A gradely chap wor uncle Ben<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">As iver lived ith' fowd:</span><br> + +He made a fortun for hissen,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' lived on't when he'r +owd.<br> + +</span>His yed wor like a snow drift,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' his face wor red an' +breet,</span><br> + +An' his heart wor like a feather,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For he did the thing +'at's reet.<br> + +<br> + +</span>He wore th' same suit o' fustian clooas<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He'd worn sin aw wor +bred;</span><br> + +An' th' same owd booits, wi' cappel'd tooas,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' th' same hat for his +yed;<br> + +</span>His cot wor lowly, yet he'd sing<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Throo braik o' day till +neet;</span><br> + +His conscience niver felt a sting,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For he did the thing +'at's reet.<br> + +<br> + +</span>He wod'nt swap his humble state<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wi' th' grandest fowk i' +th' land;</span><br> + +He niver wanted silver plate,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nor owt 'at's rich and +grand;<br> + +</span>He did'nt sleep wi' curtained silk<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Drawn raand him ov a +neet,</span><br> + +But he slept noa war for th' want o' that,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For he'd done the thing +'at's reet.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Owd fowk called him "awr Benny,"<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Young fowk, "mi uncle +Ben,"—</span><br> + +An' th' childer, "gronfather," or "dad,"<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Or what best pleased +thersen.<br> + +</span>A gleam o' joy coom o'er his face<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When he heeard ther +patterin feet,</span><br> + +For he loved to laik wi' th' little bairns<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' he did the thing +'at's reet.<br> + +<br> + +</span>He niver turned poor fowk away<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Uncared for throo his +door;</span><br> + +He ne'er forgate ther wor a day<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When he hissen wor poor;<br> + +</span>An' mony a face has turned to Heaven,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">All glistenin wi' weet,</span><br> + +An' prayed for blessins on owd Ben,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For he did th' thing +'at's reet.<br> + +<br> + +</span>He knew his lease wor ommost spent,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He'd sooin be called +away;</span><br> + +Yet he wor happy an' content,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' waited th' comin day;<br> + +</span>But one dark neet he shut his e'en,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' slept soa calm an' +sweet,</span><br> + +when mornin coom, th' world held one less,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At did the thing 'at's +reet.</span><br> + +<h4><a name="The_New_Years_Resolve."></a>The +New Year's Resolve.</h4> + +Says Dick, "ther's a' notion sprung up i' mi yed,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For th' furst time i' +th' whole coorse o' mi life,</span><br> + +An' aw've takken a fancy aw'st like to be wed,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If aw knew who to get +for a wife.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw dooant want a woman wi' beauty, nor brass,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For aw've nawther to +booast on misel;</span><br> + +What aw want is a warm-hearted, hard-workin' lass,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' ther's lots to be +fun, aw've heeard tell.<br> + +<br> + +</span>To be single is all weel enuf nah an' then,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But it's awk'ard when +th' weshin' day comes;</span><br> + +For aw nivver think sooapsuds agree weel wi' men;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">They turn all mi ten +fingers to thumbs.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' awm sure it's a fact, long afoor aw get done,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw'm slopt throo mi +waist to mi fit;</span><br> + +An' th' floor's in' a pond, as if th' peggy-tub run,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' mi back warks as if +it 'ud split.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw fancied aw'st manage at breead-bakin' best;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Soa one day aw bethowt +me to try,</span><br> + +But aw gate soa flustered, aw ne'er thowt o'th' yeast,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Soa aw mud as weel +offered to fly.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw did mak a dumplin', but a'a! dear a me!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Abaght that lot aw +hardly dar think;</span><br> + +Aw ne'er fan th' mistak' till aw missed th' sooap, yo see,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' saw th' suet i'th' +sooap-box o'th' sink.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But a new-year's just startin', an' soa aw declare<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw'll be wed if a wife's +to be had;</span><br> + +For mi clooas is soa ragg'd woll aw'm ommost hauf bare,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' thease mullucks, +they're drivin' me mad.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Soa, if yo should know, or should chonce to hear tell,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Ov a lass 'at to wed is +inclined,</span><br> + +Talegraft me at once, an' aw'll see her misel<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Afoor shoo can alter her +mind."</span><br> + +<h4><a name="The_Old_Bachelors_Story."></a>The +Old Bachelor's Story.</h4> + +It was an humble cottage,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Snug in a rustic lane,</span><br> + +Geraniums and fuschias peep'd<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">From every window-pane;<br> + +<br> + +</span>The dark-leaved ivy dressed its walls,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Houseleek adorned the +thatch;</span><br> + +The door was standing open wide,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">They had no need of +latch.<br> + +<br> + +</span>And close besides the corner<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">There stood an old stone +well,</span><br> + +Which caught a mimic waterfall,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">That warbled as it fell.<br> + +<br> + +</span>The cat, crouched on the well-worn steps,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Was blinking in the sun;</span><br> + +The birds sang out a welcome<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To the morning just +begun.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An air of peace and happiness<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Pervaded all the scene;</span><br> + +The tall trees formed a back ground<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Of rich and varied green;<br> + +<br> + +</span>And all was steeped in quietness,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Save nature's music wild,</span><br> + +When all at once, methought I heard<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The sobbing of a +child.—<br> + +<br> + +</span>I listened, and the sound again<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Smote clearly on my ear:</span><br> + +"Can there,"—I wondering asked myself—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"Can there be sorrow +here?"—<br> + +<br> + +</span>I looked within, and on the floor<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Was sat a little boy,</span><br> + +Striving to soothe his sister's grief<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">By giving her a toy.<br> + +<br> + +</span>"Why weeps your sister thus?" I asked;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"What is her cause of +grief?</span><br> + +Come tell me, little man," I said,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"Come tell me, and be +brief."<br> + +<br> + +</span>Clasping his sister closer still,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He kissed her +tear-stained face,</span><br> + +And thus, in homely Yorkshire phrase,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He told their mournful +case.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">———</span><br> + +"Mi mammy, sir, shoos liggin thear,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I' th' shut-up bed i' +th' nook;</span><br> + +An' tho aw've tried to wakken her,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Shoo'll nawther spaik +nor look.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Mi sissy wants her poridge,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' its time shoo had em +too,</span><br> + +But th' foir's gooan aght an' th' mail's all done—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw dooant know what to +do.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' O, my mammy's varry cold—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Just come an' touch her +arm:</span><br> + +Aw've done mi best to hap her up,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But connot mak her warm.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Mi daddy he once fell asleep,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' niver wakken'd moor:</span><br> + +Aw saw 'em put him in a box,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' tak him aght o' th' +door.<br> + +<br> + +</span>He niver comes to see us nah,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">As once he used to do,</span><br> + +An' let'mi ride upon his back—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Me, an' mi sissy too.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' if they know mi mammy sleeps,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Soa cold, an' white, an' +still,</span><br> + +Aw'm feeard they'll come an' fotch her, sir;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">O, sir, aw'm feard they +will!<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw happen could get on misen,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For aw con work a bit,</span><br> + +But little sissy, sir, yo see,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Shoo's' varra young as +yet.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Oh! dunnot let fowk tak mi mam!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Help me to rouse her up!</span><br> + +An' if shoo wants her physic,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">See,—it's in +this little cup.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw know her heead war bad last neet,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When putting us to bed;</span><br> + +Shoo said, 'God bless yo, little things!'<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' that wor all shoo +said.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw saw a tear wor in her e'e—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">In fact, it's seldom dry:</span><br> + +Sin daddy went shoo allus cries,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But niver tells us why.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw think it's coss he isn't here,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At maks her e'en soa +dim;</span><br> + +Shoo says, he'll niver come to us,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But we may goa to him.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But if shoo's gooan an' left us here,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">What mun we do or +say?—</span><br> + +We cannot follow her unless,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Somebody 'll show us th' +way."</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 6.5em;">——</span><br> + +My heart was full to bursting,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When I heard the woeful +tale;</span><br> + +I gazed a moment on the face<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Which death had left so +pale;<br> + +<br> + +</span>Then clasping to my heaving breast<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The little orphan pair,</span><br> + +I sank upon my bended knees,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And offered up a prayer,<br> + +<br> + +</span>That God would give me power to aid<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Those children in +distress,</span><br> + +That I might as a father be<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Unto the fatherless.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Then coaxingly I led them forth;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And as the road was long,</span><br> + +I bore them in my arms by turns—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Their tears had made me +strong.<br> + +<br> + +</span>I took them to my humble home,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Where now they may be +seen,</span><br> + +The lad,—a noble-minded youth,—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">His +"sissy,"—beauty's queen.<br> + +<br> + +</span>And now if you should chance to see,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Far from the bustling +throng,</span><br> + +An old man, whom a youth and maid<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Lead tenderly +along;—<br> + +<br> + +</span>And if you, wondering, long to know<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The history of the +three,—</span><br> + +They are the little orphan pair—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The poor old man is me:<br> + +<br> + +</span>And on the little grassy mound<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Neath which their +parents sleep,</span><br> + +They bend the knee, and pray for me;<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I pray for them and weep.</span><br> + +<h4><a name="Aght_o_Wark."></a>Aght o' Wark.</h4> + +Aw've been laikin for ommost eight wick,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' aw can't get a day's +wark to do!</span><br> + +Aw've trailed abaght th' streets wol awm sick<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' aw've worn mi +clog-soils ommost through.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw've a wife an' three childer at hooam,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' aw know they're all +lukkin at th' clock,</span><br> + +For they think it's high time aw should come,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' bring 'em a morsel +'o jock.<br> + +<br> + +</span>A'a dear! it's a pitiful case<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">When th' cubbord is +empty an' bare;</span><br> + +When want's stamped o' ivery face,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' yo hav'nt a meal yo +can share.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Today as aw walked into th' street,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Th' squire's carriage +went rattlin past;</span><br> + +An' aw thout 'at it hardly luk'd reet,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For aw had'nt brokken mi +fast.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Them horses, aw knew varry weel,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wi' ther trappins all +shinin i' gold,</span><br> + +Had nivver known th' want of a meal,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Or a shelter to keep 'em +thro' th' cold.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Even th' dogs have enuff an' to spare,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Tho' they ne'er worked a +day i' ther life;</span><br> + +But ther maisters forget they should care<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For a chap 'at's three +bairns an' a wife.<br> + +<br> + +</span>They give dinners at th' hall ivery neet,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' ther's carriages +stand in bi'th scoor,</span><br> + +An' all th' windows are blazin wi leet,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But they seldom give +dinners to th' poor.<br> + +<br> + +</span>I' mi pocket aw hav'nt a rap,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nor a crust, nor a +handful o' mail;</span><br> + +An' unless we can get it o'th strap,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">We mun pine, or mun beg, +or else stail.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But hoamwards aw'll point mi owd clogs<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To them three little +lambs an' ther dam;—</span><br> + +Aw wish they wor horses or dogs,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For its nobbut poor fowk +'at's to clam.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But they say ther is One 'at can see,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' has promised to +guide us safe through;</span><br> + +Soa aw'll live on i'hopes, an' surelee,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He'll find a chap summat +to do.</span><br> + +<h4><a name="Another_Babby."></a>Another Babby.</h4> + +Another!—well, my bonny lad,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">A'w wodn't send thee +back;</span><br> + +Altho' we thowt we hadn't raam,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Tha's fun some in a +crack.<br> + +<br> + +</span>It maks me feel as pleased as punch<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To see thi pratty face;</span><br> + +Ther's net another child i'th bunch<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Moor welcome to a place<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw'st ha' to fit a peark for thee,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I' some nook o' mi cage;</span><br> + +But if another comes, raylee!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Aw'st want a bigger wage.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But aw'm noan feard tha'll ha' to want—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">We'll try to pool thee +throo,</span><br> + +For Him who has mi laddie sent,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He'll send his baggin +too.<br> + +<br> + +</span>He hears the little sparrows chirp,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' answers th' raven's +call;</span><br> + +He'll never see one want for owt,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'At's worth aboon 'em +all.<br> + +<br> + +</span>But if one on us mun goa short,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">(Although it's hard to +pine,)</span><br> + +Thy little belly shall be fill'd<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Whativer comes o' mine.<br> + +<br> + +</span>A chap con nobbut do his best,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' that aw'll do for +thee,</span><br> + +Leavin to providence all th' rest,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' we'st get help'd, +tha'll see.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' if thi lot's as bright an' fair<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">As aw could wish it, lad,</span><br> + +Tha'll come in for a better share<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nor iver blessed thi dad.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Aw think aw'st net ha' lived for nowt,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If, when deeath comes, +aw find</span><br> + +Aw leave some virtuous lasses<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' some honest lads +behind.<br> + +<br> + +</span>An' tho' noa coat ov arms may grace<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For me, a sculptor'd +stooan,</span><br> + +Aw hope to leave a noble race,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wi arms o' flesh an' +booan.<br> + +<br> + +</span>Then cheer up, lad, tho' things luk black,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wi' health, we'll +persevere,</span><br> + +An' try to find a brighter track—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">We'll conquer, niver +fear!<br> + +<br> + +</span>An may God shield thee wi' his wing,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Along life's stormy way,</span><br> + +An' keep thi heart as free throo sin,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">As what it is to-day.</span><br> + +<h4><a name="Th_Little_Black_Hand."></a>Th' +Little Black Hand.</h4> + +<br> + +Ther's a spark just o'th tip o' mi pen,<br> + +An' it may be poetical fire;<br> + +An' suppoase 'at it is'nt—what then?<br> + +Wod yo bawk a chap ov his desire?<br> + +<br> + +Aw'm detarmined to scribble away—<br> + +Soa's them 'at's a fancy con read;<br> + +An' tho aw turn neet into day,<br> + +If aw'm suitin an odd en, neer heed!<br> + +<br> + +Aw own ther's mich pleasure i' life;<br> + +But then ther's abundance o' care,<br> + +An' them 'at's contented wi' strife<br> + +May allus mak sure o' ther share.<br> + +<br> + +But aw'll laff woll mi galluses braik,<br> + +Tho mi bed's net as soft as spun silk;<br> + +An' if butter be aght o' mi raik,<br> + +Aw'll ma' th' best ov a drop o' churn milk.<br> + +<br> + +It's nooan them 'at's getten all th' brass<br> + +'At's getten all th' pleasure, net it!<br> + +When aw'm smookin a pipe wi' th' owd lass,<br> + +Aw con thoil 'em whativer they get.<br> + +<br> + +But sometimes when aw'm walkin throo th' street,<br> + +An' aw see fowk hauf-clam'd, an' i' rags,<br> + +Wi noa bed to lig daan on at neet<br> + +But i'th' warkus, or th' cold-lukkin flags;<br> + +<br> + +Then aw think, if rich fowk nobbut' knew<br> + +What ther brothers i' poverty feel,<br> + +They'd a trifle moor charity show,<br> + +An' help 'em sometimes to a meal.<br> + +<br> + +But we're all far too fond of ussen,<br> + +To bother wi' things aght o'th' seet;<br> + +An' we leeav to ther fate sich as them<br> + +'At's noa bed nor noa supper' at neet.<br> + +<br> + +But ther's mony a honest heart throbs,<br> + +Tho' it throbs under rags an' i' pains,<br> + +'At wod'nt disgrace one o'th' nobs,<br> + +'At booasts better blooid in his veins.<br> + +<br> + +See that child thear! 'at's working away,<br> + +An' sweepin that crossin i'th' street:<br> + +He's been thear iver sin it coom day,<br> + +An' yo'll find him thear far into th' neet.<br> + +<br> + +See what hundreds goa thowtlessly by,<br> + +An' ne'er think o' that child wi' his broom!<br> + +What care they tho' he smothered a sigh,<br> + +Or wiped off a tear as they coom.<br> + +<br> + +But luk! thear's a man wi' a heart!<br> + +He's gien th' poor child summat at last:<br> + +Ha his een seem to twinkle an' start,<br> + +As he watches th' kind gentleman past!<br> + +<br> + +An' thear in his little black hand<br> + +He sees a gold sovereign shine!<br> + +He thinks he ne'er saw owt soa grand,<br> + +An' he says, "Sure it connot be mine!"<br> + +<br> + +An' all th' lads cluther raand him i' glee,<br> + +An' tell him to cut aght o'th seet;<br> + +But he clutches it fast,—an' nah see<br> + +Ha he's threedin his way along th' street,<br> + +<br> + +Till he comes to that varry same man,<br> + +An' he touches him gently o'th' back,<br> + +An' he tells him as weel as he can,<br> + +'At he fancies he's made a mistak.<br> + +<br> + +An' th' chap luks at that poor honest lad,<br> + +With his little naked feet, as he stands,<br> + +An' his heart oppens wide—he's soa glad<br> + +Woll he taks one o'th little black hands,<br> + +<br> + +An' he begs him to tell him his name:<br> + +But th' child glances timidly raand—<br> + +Poor craytur! he connot forshame<br> + +To lift up his een off o'th graand.<br> + +<br> + +But at last he finds courage to spaik,<br> + +An' he tells him they call him poor Joa;<br> + +'At his mother is sickly an' waik;<br> + +An' his father went deead long ago;<br> + +<br> + +An' he's th' only one able to work<br> + +Aght o' four; an' he does what he can,<br> + +Thro' early at morn till it's dark:<br> + +An' he hopes 'at he'll sooin be a man.<br> + +<br> + +An' he tells him his mother's last word,<br> + +As he starts for his labour for th' day,<br> + +Is to put 'all his trust in the Lord,<br> + +An' He'll net send him empty away.—<br> + +<br> + +See that man! nah he's wipin his een,<br> + +An' he gives him that bright piece o' gowd;<br> + +An' th' lad sees i' that image o'th Queen<br> + +What 'll keep his poor mother thro' th' cowd.<br> + +<br> + +An' mony a time too, after then,<br> + +Did that gentleman tak up his stand<br> + +At that crossing an' watch for hissen<br> + +The work ov that little black hand.<br> + +<br> + +An' when-years had gone by, he expressed<br> + +'At i'th' spite ov all th' taichin he'd had,<br> + +An' all th' lessons he'd leearn'd, that wor th' best<br> + +'At wor towt by that poor little lad.<br> + +<br> + +Tho' the proud an' the wealthy may prate,<br> + +An' booast o' ther riches and land,<br> + +Some o'th' laadest ul sink second-rate<br> + +To that lad with his little black hand.<br> + +<br> + +<h4><a name="Lillys_Gooan."></a>Lilly's Gooan.</h4> + +<p>"Well, Robert! what's th' matter! nah mun,<br> + +Aw see 'at ther's summat nooan sweet;<br> + +Thi een luk as red as a sun—<br> + +Aw saw that across th' width of a street;<br> + +Aw hope 'at yor Lily's noa war—<br> + +Surelee—th' little thing is'nt deead?<br> + +Tha wod roor, aw think, if tha dar—<br> + +What means ta bi shakin thi heead?<br> + +Well, aw see bi thi sorrowful e'e<br> + +At shoo's gooan, an' aw'm soory, but yet,<br> + +When youngens like her hap ta dee,<br> + +They miss troubles as some live to hit.<br> + +Tha mun try an' put up wi' thi loss,<br> + +Tha's been praad o' that child, aw mun say,<br> + +But give over freatin, becoss<br> + +It's for th' best if shoo's been taen away."<br> + +"A'a! Daniel, it's easy for thee<br> + +To talk soa, becoss th' loss is'nt thine;<br> + +But its ommost deeath-blow to me,<br> + +Shoo wor prized moor nor owt else 'at's mine;<br> + +An' when aw bethink me shoo's gooan,<br> + +Mi feelins noa mortal can tell;<br> + +Mi heart sinks wi' th' weight ov a stooan,<br> + +An' aw'm capped 'at aw'm livin mysel.<br> + +Aw shall think on it wor aw to live<br> + +To be th' age o' Methusla or moor;<br> + +Tho' shoo said 'at aw had'nt to grieve,<br> + +We should booath meet agean, shoo wor sure:<br> + +An' when shoo'd been dreamin one day,<br> + +Shoo said shoo could hear th' angels call;<br> + +But shoo could'nt for th' life goa away<br> + +Till they call'd for her daddy an' all.<br> + +An' as sooin as aw coom thro' my wark,<br> + +Shoo'd ha' me to sit bi her bed;<br> + +An' thear aw've watched haars i'th' dark,<br> + +An' listened to all 'at shoo's said;<br> + +Shoo's repeated all th' pieces shoo's learnt,<br> + +When shoo's been ov a Sundy to th' schooil,<br> + +An ax'd me what dift'rent things meant,<br> + +Woll aw felt aw wor nobbut a fooill<br> + +An' when aw've been gloomy an' sad,<br> + +Shoo's smiled an' taen hold o' mi hand,<br> + +An whispered, 'yo munnot freat, dad;<br> + +Aw'm gooin to a happier land;<br> + +An' aw'll tell Jesus when aw get thear,<br> + +'At aw've left yo here waitin his call;<br> + +An' He'll find yo a place, niver fear,<br> + +For ther's room up i' heaven for all.<br> + +An' this mornin, when watchin th' sun rise,<br> + +Shoo said, 'daddy, come nearer to me,<br> + +Thers a mist comin ovver mi eyes,<br> + +An' aw find at aw hardly can see.—<br> + +Gooid bye!—kiss yor Lily agean,—<br> + +Let me pillow mi heead o' yor breast!<br> + +Aw feel now aw'm freed thro' mi pain;<br> + +Then Lily shoo went to her rest."</p> + +<h4><a name="My_Native_Twang."></a>My Native +Twang.</h4> + +<p>They tell me aw'm a vulgar chap,<br> + +An owt to goa to th' schooil<br> + +To leearn to talk like other fowk,<br> + +An' net be sich a fooil;<br> + +But aw've a noashun, do yo see,<br> + +Although it may be wrang,<br> + +The sweetest music is to me,<br> + +Mi own, mi native twang.<br> + +<br> + +An' when away throo all mi friends,<br> + +I' other taans aw rooam,<br> + +Aw find ther's nowt con mak amends<br> + +For what aw've left at hooam;<br> + +But as aw hurry throo ther streets<br> + +Noa matter tho aw'm thrang,<br> + +Ha welcome if mi ear but greets<br> + +Mi own, mi native twang.<br> + +<br> + +Why some despise it, aw can't tell,<br> + +It's plain to understand;<br> + +An' sure aw am it saands as weel,<br> + +Tho happen net soa grand.<br> + +Tell fowk they're courtin, they're enraged,<br> + +They call that vulgar slang;<br> + +But if aw tell 'em they're engaged,<br> + +That's net mi native twang.<br> + +<br> + +Mi father, tho' he may be poor,<br> + +Aw'm net ashamed o' him;<br> + +Aw love mi mother tho' shoo's deeaf,<br> + +An tho' her een are dim;<br> + +Aw love th' owd taan; aw love to walk<br> + +Its crucken'd streets amang;<br> + +For thear it is aw hear fooak tawk<br> + +Mi own, mi native twang.<br> + +<br> + +Aw like to hear hard-workin' fowk<br> + +Say boldly what they meean;<br> + +For tho' ther hands are smeared wi' muck,<br> + +May be ther hearts are cleean,<br> + +An' them 'at country fowk despise,<br> + +Aw say, "Why, let' em hang;"<br> + +They'll niver rob mi sympathies<br> + +Throo thee, mi native twang,<br> + +<br> + +Aw like to see grand ladies,<br> + +When they're donn'd i' silks soa fine;<br> + +Aw like to see ther dazzlin' e'en<br> + +Throo th' carriage winders shine:<br> + +Mi mother wor a woman,<br> + +An' tho' it may be wrang,<br> + +Aw love 'em all, but mooastly them<br> + +'At tawk mi native twang.<br> + +<br> + +Aw wish gooid luck to ivery one;<br> + +Gooid luck to them 'ats brass;<br> + +Gooid luck an' better times to come<br> + +To them 'ats poor—alas!<br> + +An' may health, wealth, an' sweet content<br> + +For iver dwell amang<br> + +True, honest-hearted, Yorkshire fowk,<br> + +At tawk mi native twang.</p> + +<h4><a name="Shoos_thi_Sister."></a>Shoo's thi +Sister.</h4> + +<p>(Written on seeing a wealthy townsman rudely push +a poor little girl off the pavement.)</p> + +Gently, gently, shoo's thi sister,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Tho' her clooas are nowt +but rags;</span><br> + +On her feet ther's monny a blister:<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">See ha painfully shoo +drags</span><br> + +Her tired limbs to some quiet corner:<br> + +Shoo's thi sister—dunnot scorn her. +<br> + +<br> + +Daan her cheeks noa tears are runnin,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Shoo's been shov'd aside +befoor;</span><br> + +Used to scoffs, an' sneers, an'shunnin—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Shoo expects it, coss +shoo's poor;</span><br> + +Schooil'd for years her grief to smother,<br> + +Still shoos human—tha'rt her brother.<br> + +<br> + +Tho' tha'rt donn'd i' fine black cloathin,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">A kid glove o' awther +hand,</span><br> + +Dunnot touch her roughly, loathin—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Shoo's thi sister, +understand:</span><br> + +Th' wind maks merry wi' her tatters,<br> + +Poor lost pilgrim!—but what matters?<br> + +<br> + +Lulk ha sharp her elbow's growin,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' ha pale her little +face,</span><br> + +An' her hair neglected, showin<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Her's has been a sorry +case;</span><br> + +O, mi heart felt sad at th' seet,<br> + +When tha shov'd her into th' street<br> + +<br> + +Ther wor once a "Man," mich greater<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Nor thisen wi' all thi +brass,</span><br> + +Him, awr blessed Mediator,—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wod He scorn that little +lass?</span><br> + +Noa, He called 'em, an' He blessed 'em,<br> + +An' His hands divine caress'd 'em. +<br> + +<br> + +Goa thi ways I an' if tha bears net<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Some regret for what +tha's done,</span><br> + +If tha con pass on, an' cares net<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For that sufferin' +little one;</span><br> + +Then ha'iver poor shoo be,<br> + +Yet shoos rich compared wi' thee.<br> + +<br> + +Oh! 'at this breet gold should blind us,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To awr duties here below!</span><br> + +For we're forced to leave behind us<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">All awr pomp, an' all +awr show:</span><br> + +Why then should we slight another?<br> + +Shoo's thi sister, unkind brother.<br> + +<h4><a name="Persevere."></a>Persevere.</h4> + +What tho' th' claads aboon luk dark,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Th' sun's just waitin to +peep throo,</span><br> + +Let us buckle to awr wark,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For ther's lots o' jobs +to do:<br> + +</span>Tho' all th' world luks dark an' drear,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Let's ha' faith, an' +persevere.<br> + +<br> + +</span>He's a fooil 'at sits an' mumps<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Coss some troubles hem +him raand!<br> + +</span>Man mud allus be i'th dumps,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If he sulk'd coss fortun +fraand;</span><br> + +Th' time 'll come for th' sky to clear:—<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Let's ha' faith, an' +persevere.<br> + +<br> + +</span>If we think awr lot is hard,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Niver let us mak a fuss;</span><br> + +Lukkin raand, at ivery yard,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">We'st find others war +nor us;</span><br> + +We have still noa cause to fear!<br> + +Let's ha' faith, an' persevere. +<br> + +<br> + +A faint heart, aw've heeard 'em say,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Niver won a lady fair:</span><br> + +Have a will! yo'll find a way!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Honest men ne'er need +despair.</span><br> + +Better days are drawin' near:—<br> + +Then ha' faith, an' persevere. +<br> + +<br> + +Workin men,—nah we've a voice,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' con help to mak new +laws;</span><br> + +Let us iver show awr choice<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Lains to strengthen +virtue's cause,</span><br> + +Wrangs to reighten,—griefs to cheer;<br> + +This awr motto—'persevere.' +<br> + +<br> + +Let us show to foreign empires<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Loyalty's noa empty +booast;</span><br> + +We can scorn the thirsty vampires<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If they dar molest awr +cooast:</span><br> + +To awr Queen an' country dear<br> + +Still we'll cling an' persevere. +<br> + +<br> + +But as on throo life we hurry,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">By whativer path we +rooam,</span><br> + +Let us ne'er forget i'th' worry,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">True reform begins at +hooam:</span><br> + +Then, to prove yorsens sincere,<br> + +Start at once; an' persevere. +<br> + +<br> + +Hard wark, happen yo may find it,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Some dear folly to +forsake,</span><br> + +Be detarmined ne'er to mind it!<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Think, yor honor's nah +at stake.</span><br> + +Th' gooid time's drawin varry near!<br> + +Then ha' faith, an' persevere.<br> + +<h4><a name="To_a_Roadside_Flower."></a>To a +Roadside Flower.</h4> + +Tha bonny little pooasy! aw'm inclined<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">To tak thee wi' me:</span><br> + +But yet aw think if tha could spaik thi mind,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Tha'd ne'er forgie me;</span><br> + +For I' mi jacket button-hoil tha'd quickly dee,<br> + +An' life is short enough, boath for mi-sen an' thee. +<br> + +<br> + +Here, if aw leeave thee bi th' rooadside to flourish,<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Whear scoors may pass thee,</span><br> + +Some heart 'at has few other joys to cherish<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">May stop an' bless thee:</span><br> + +Then bloom, mi little pooasy! Tha'rt a beauty,<br> + +Sent here to bless: Smile on—tha does thi duty. +<br> + +<br> + +Aw wodn't rob another of a joy<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Sich as tha's gien me;</span><br> + +For aw felt varry sad, mi little doy<br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Until aw'd seen thee.</span><br> + +An' may each passin', careworn, lowly brother,<br> + +Feel cheered like me, an' leave thee for another.<br> + +<h3><a name="Prose._Hartleys_Cream_of_Wit_and"></a>Prose. +Hartley's Cream of Wit and Humour.</h3> + +<h4><a name="The_New_Year."></a>The New Year.</h4> + +<p>What a charm ther is abaat owt new; whether it's a new year or +a new +waist-coit. Aw sometimes try to fancy what sooart ov a world ther'd +be if ther wor nowt new.</p> + +<p>Solomon sed ther wor nowt new under th' sun; an' he owt to +know if +onybody did. Maybe he wor reight if we luk at it i' some ways, but aw +think it's possible to see it in another leet. If ther wor nowt new, +ther'd be nowt to hooap for—nowt to live for but to dee; an' +we +should lang for that time to come just for th' sake ov a change. Ha +anxiously a little child looks forrard to th' time when he's to have a +new toy, an' ha he prizes it at furst when he's getten it: but in a +while he throws it o' one side an' cries fur summat new. Ha he langs +to be as big as his brother, soa's he can have a new bat an' ball; an' +his brother langs for th' time when he can leeave schooil an' goa work +for his livin'; an' varry likely his fayther's langin' for th' time +when he can live withaat workin'—all on 'em langin for summat +new. +Langill' for things new doesn't prevent us lovin' things at's owd. Who +isn't praad ov ther owd fayther, as he sits i' tharm-cheer an' tells +long tales abaat what he can remember bein' new? An' who doesn't feel +a soothin' kind ov a feelin' come ovver him when his mother's kindly +warnin' falls on his ear, as shoo tells him "what-iver he does, net to +be soa fond ov ivery thing new?" What a love fowk get for "th' owd +haase;" but ther's moor o'th' past nor o'th' futur' i' these feelin's, +they're not hopeful, an' its hopeful feelin's at keeps th' world a +goin', its hooap at maks us keep o'th' look aat for summat fresh.</p> + +<p>Aw've heeard fowk wish for things to keep just as they are, +they say +they dooant want owt new. What a mistak' they mak! They're wishin' +for what ud be th' mooast of a novelty. Things willn't stop as they +are, an' it wodn't be reight if they did. It's all weel enuff for +them at's feathered ther nest to feel moderate contented, but them +at's sufferin' for want ov a meal's mait are all hopin' for a change +for th' better. Owd hats an' owd slippers are generally more +comfortable nor new ens, an' fowk "wish they'd niver be +done,"—"they +hate owt new"—as if it wodn't be summat new if they could +wear 'em +withaat 'em bein' done. Young fowk are allus moor anxious for changes +nor owd fowk, its likely enuff; like a child wi' a pictur book, watch +him turn ovver two or three leaves at th' beginnin', see ha delighted +he is; but in a while he turns ovver moor carelessly, an' befoor he +gets to th' end he leaves it, wearied with its variety, or falls hard +asleep opposite one at wod have fascinated him when he began. Life's +nobbut a pictur' book ov another sooart, at th' beginnin' we're +delighted wi' ivery fresh leeaf, an' we keep turnin' ovver till at +last we get wearied, an' had rayther sit quietly looking at one. But +we cannot stop, we ha' to goo throo th' book whether we like it or +net, until at last we shut us een an' fall asleep over summat new.</p> + +<h4><a name="Valentine_Day."></a>Valentine Day.</h4> + +<p>Ha monny young folk are langin for th' fourteenth o' February! +An ha +mony old pooastmen wish it ud niver come? Sawr owd maids an' crusty +owd bachelors wonder 'at fowk should have noa moor sense nor to waste +ther brass on sich like nonsense. But it's noa use them talkin', for +young fowk have done it befoor time, an' as long as it's i'th' natur +on 'em to love one another an' get wed, soa long will valentine +makers have plenty to do at this time o'th' year. Ther's monny a +daycent sooart of a young chap at thinks he could like to mak up to a +young lass at he's met at th' chapel or some other place, but as +sooin as he gets at th' side on her, he caant screw his courage up to +th' stickin' place, an' he axes her some sooart ov a gaumless +question, sich as "ha's your mother," or summat he cares noa moor +abaat. An' as sooin as he gets to hissell he's fit to pail his heead +agean th' jaumstooan for bien sich a fooil. Well, nah, what can sich +a chap do? Why, send her a valentine ov coorse. Soa he gooas an' +buys her one wi' a grand piece ov poetry like this:—</p> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">"The rose is red, the +violet's blue,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">The pink is sweet, and so +are you."</span><br> + +<p>It isn't to be expected 'at shoo can tell whear it's come +throo; but +shoo could guess at twice, an guess puddin' once, that's the beauty +on it. Then th' way's oppen'd aat at once, he's gein her to +understand what ten to one shoo understood long afoor he did. Next +time they meet shoo's sure to ax him if he gate ony valentines, an' +then he'll smile an' say, "What for, did yo?" An' shoo'll show him +th' direction, an' ax him if he knows who's writing that is? An' +he'll luk at it as sackless as if he didn't know it wor his +own— +ther heeads get cloise together, an' shoo sighs an' he sighs, an' +then, if ther's noabody abaat he'll give hur a smack with his lips +an' lawp back as if he'd burned th' skin off 'em, an' shooo axes him +ha he con fashion to goa on like that, he owt to be ashamed ov his +face? An' all th' time shoo's wonderin' why he niver did it afoor. +Then, if ther's owt abaat him, it isn't long befoor ther's a weddin', +an' then he's begun life. He's settled into his nook i'th' world, an' +he feels he's a man. Troubles come, but then ther's a pleasure i' +bein able to maister 'em. He's summat to wark for besides his own +belly an' back. He's a heart-expandin' responsibility put on him. +His country benefits by him, for a man does moor for his country 'at +leaves ten weel-trained sons an' dowters nor him 'at leaves ten +thaasand paand. Then if sich a little simple thing as a valentine +can help a chap on his rooad in lite, aw say.</p> + +<p>Be hanged to th' Grumblers, goa a head Valentine Makkers!!!</p> + +<h4><a name="March_Winds."></a>March Winds.</h4> + +<p>These winds blow rayther strong—stronger sometimes +nor what feels +pleasant. Ther's monny a chap has a race wi' his hat, an' it luks a +sheepish sooart ov a trick, an' iverybody can affooard to laff at him +just becoss it isn't them. But for all that aw alus think at th' +year's niver getten a reight start till after March. It's like as if +it comes blusterin' an' rooarin', just o' purpose to put things into +reight trim. It fotches daan th' owd watter spaats, an' lets fowk know +whear ther's a slate at's shakey. It gives th' trees a bit ov a whisk +raand an' wuthers abaat as if it wor detarmined to clear all th' maase +nooks aat, an' give us a fair start for th' fine weather. But that +isn't all it does; it finds aat if yo've ony owd teeth 'at's rayther +tender, (an' if ther's owt i'th' world at 'll wear aat a chap's +patience its th' tooith wark. Its bad enuff, but what maks it war to +bide is, iverybody can tell yo ha to cure it, an' for all that they +wor as fast what to do wi' it when they had it as onybody else.) But +what does it matter if it does find aat bits o' waik spots, there's +nowt like knowin whear they are, for then yo do stand a chonce o' +bein' able to tak care on 'em. But it does summat else +beside—it +brings a fine day or two—an' th' grass begins to luk a trifle +greener, an' here an' thear i' bits o' shady nooks an' corners +sometimes yo can find a daisy or two; an' what is ther luks bonnier +nor th' first daisy yo find peepin up? It may be a bit ov a pindered +lookin thing, but its a daisy; an' aw dooant think at th' grandest +yo'll find all th' year 'll please yo hauf as weel as this. Little +children clap ther hands when they see it, becoss it tells 'em ther's +some fine weather comin' bye an' bye; an' they pluck it to tak hooam +wi' em' to show ther mother; an' ther grandfayther smiles when he sees +it, for it whispers a bit o' comfort to him, an' tells him to cheer +up! for th' time o'th' year's comin' when he'll be able to goa aat +o'th' door an' sit o'th green grass, an' hear th' burds sing, an' let +th' sun shine on his face, an' he willn't be feeard o' bringin' th' +rhumatic back wi' him; an' takkin it altogether it's one o' th' mooast +pleasin' things i' th' year is findin' a daisy i' March. It's strange +ha folk alter in a few years time. Luk at a child when its abaat five +or six years owd—see ha delighted it is wi' a gurt bunch ov +innocent +lukkin' buttercups an' daisies. Noatice th' same child when he's +getten fourteen or fifteen years owd. He couldn't fashion to be seen +carryin' a bunch. See him agean when he's a man. He's noa time for +daisies then. What's th' reason? Daisies are as bonny nah as iver +they wor. Ther is a difference somewhear, but it isn't i'th' daisies.</p> + +<h4><a name="April_Fooils."></a>April Fooils.</h4> + +<p>Niver try to mak a fooil ov onybody this month; ther's fooils +enuff +i'th world already. It's oft struck me what a varry slight difference +ther is between a wise man and a fooil; one aims at summat an' hits +it—tother aims at summat an' misses it; an' aw have known th' +time +when th' chap 'at's missed has been worth a dozen sich like as him +'at's hit. But th' world generally sets 'em daan to be wise men 'at +happen to be lucky men, an' get hold o' lots o' brass. An' ha monny +brains a chap has, if he can't spooart a pair o' kid gloves an' a +daycent hat, he mun niver hope for owt better nor to tak his place +amang th' fooils. Aw've monny a time thowt when aw've heared fowk +settin a chap daan as a fooil;—talk prattley—may be +if he wor +weighed up he's a better man nor yo this minit; yo connot tell all 'at +he may have had to struggle wi'—</p> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Circumstances alter cases,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Th' same as nooases alter +faces.</span><br> + +<p>An' it's as weel to exercise a bit ov charity towards them +'at's set +daan to be fooils. "Young fowk think old fowk fooils, an' old fowk's +sure young uns is." An aw believe th' old fowk are oft varry near th' +mark,—for th' experience of a life time is little moor nor +livin to +know what fooils we've been; an' if iver aw meet wi' a chap 'at can't +remember iver makkin a fooil ov hissen, aw shall expect to hear tell +on' him bein ta'en to th' blue slates directly. Poor Richard says, +"Experience is a dear schooil, but fooils will leearn i' noa other;" +an' who is ther 'at hasn't had to leearn i' that schooil? Its a hard +maister, an' we're apt to think, when we're under him, 'at he's war +wi' us nor onybody else; but when we've getten th' lessen off by heart +we find th' advantage on it. But ov all th' fooils it has been my +luck to meet wi,' them chaps 'at knows all are th' biggest. There's +some fowk think they're born wi' all th' wit i'th world, an' noabody +can taich 'em owt; whativer yo tell' em, they've allus "known that +long enuff sin'," or else they've "just been think in soa." Aw once +knew one o' that Sooart—one 'at had allus been thinkin soa. +One day +some mates o' mine an' me thowt we cud like a marlock wi' him, an soa +we gooas up to him an says, "A'a Jooanas! whativer does ta think?" +"Nay," he says, "whativer will yo say? What's up?" "Why," aw says, +"Jim Hyn's dunkey's swallow'd th' grinelstooan." "Well, if aw hadn't +just been thinkin soa," says Jooanas. "Well, but tha thowt wrang, owd +boy, this time," aw says, "for it hasn't." "Why," he said, "aw hardly +thowt it had." Soa he had us at booath ends. They say it taks a wise +man to mak a fooil, but aw think ther's enuff withaat makkin ony moor, +an aw niver knew a fooil i' my life at didn't think ivery body else a +little bit war cracked nor hissen.</p> + +<h4><a name="Policemans_Scrape."></a>Policeman's +Scrape.</h4> + +<p>Tawkin abaat policemen reminds me ov a mess one on 'em gate +into a +while sin. Aw shalln't tell awther his name or his number, becoss it's +net my wish to get ony body into trouble. It's enuff for me to say +he's a gooid-lukkin chap, an' if he isn't wed his wife is. He wor on +neet duty, an' at one o' th' haases he had to pass, lived a fine buxom +sarvent. Policemen have allus been nooated for havin a fancy for +sarvents, an' this wor like th' rest, an' befoor long they grew soa +friendly 'at shoo used to invite him in after th' maister an' th' +mistress had gooan to bed. One neet he'd crept in, an' they wor +whisperin varry lovinly together, when shoo tell'd him ther wor noa +cold mait o' ony sooart. "Awm glad on it," he sed, "for awm stoled o' +cold stuff. That luks a bit o' nice bacon at's hung up, does ta think +tha could do me a bit anent th' fire, aw think ther's as mich heeat +as'll cook it?"</p> + +<p>"Well, Robert," shoo sed, "if yo'll sit daan an' wait awl try."</p> + +<p>Soa he put his lantern onto th' table an' sat daan wol shoo +gate a +little dutch oven an hooked two nice collops in; but shoo fancied shoo +could enjoy one hersen, soa shoo stept up into a cheer to cut off +another, an' as shoo'd th' knife i' one hand an' cannel i' th' tother +shoo ovverbalanced hersen, and fell onto th' floor, settin up sich a +skrike as yo niver heeard. Th' 'cannel went aat when it fell an all +wor as dark as pitch, and Robert hearin th' maister skutterin daan th' +stairs thowt his best plan wor to hook it; soa he grab'd up his +lantern for owt he knew an buckled it on as he wor hurryin up th' +steps. He'd hardly left when th' maister runs aat in his shirt, callin +aat, "Police! police!" Robert comes fussin on as if he knew nowt abaat +it, an' went back wi' th' maister, who wor soa freetened wol he darn't +spaik.</p> + +<p>When they went in th' sarvent had sam'd hersen up, an lit th' +cannel +agean; but th' lass forgate her fall an' th' maister his fright, when +they lukd at th' policeman an' saw he'd getten th' dutch oven i' th' +front on him astead ov his lantern, an' two bacon collops swingin in +it.</p> + +<p>They settled th' matter amang thersens, but it towt that +policeman +niver to tak off his lantern until he'd done wi' it.</p> + +<h4><a name="Information."></a>Information.</h4> + +<p>Divine Service was held in the Temperance Hall, when the +celebrated +Dr. Foaming Drinkwater preached from the text Exodus 16 ch. 33 v., +"And Moses said unto Aaron, take a pot," and in an eloquent sermon of +1h. 55m. the Revd. lecturer clearly showed that a pot of beer was not +alluded to in the text. Collections were made at the close of the +service.</p> + +<h4><a name="Watterin_Places."></a>Watterin +Places.</h4> + +<p>July is th' month to gooa a spawin'; an' fowk luk forrard to +it just +th' same as if they conldn't do withaat it. Th' fact is aw hardly dar +say owt agean it, for awm fond ov a bit ov a off mysen; but then +ther's different ways o' dooin it. A chap at gethers horsemuck at +hooam needn't want to mak' fowk believe he's th' Lord Mayor o' London +abrooad. Aw remember once when aw wur at a watterin' place, aw +followed some fine young ladies an' wished 'em "gooid day;" aw wornt +exactly sure whether one on 'em mightn't be th' Princess o' Wales or +net, but haasumiver, they curled up ther nooas th' same as if they'd +passed a fooamet. But in abaat a wick at after, aw met one on 'em +gooin ovver th' North Brigg wi' a slice o' traitle cake in her hand, +varry near like th' door ov a mahogany shut-up-bed, an' up to th' +elbows i' Miln greease too. Aw thowt if ony body wanted to pick a +lass for a wife they shouldn't goa to a spawin' spot. For all that, +awve nowt to say agean it—one body's as mich reight to goa an +get +sunburnt as another; but they mud as weel spaik truth, an' not allus +say it's for th' gooid o' ther health, when all th' time it's just for +a bit ov a spree. Aw could give some gooid advice to ony body at +thinks o' gooin. Tak varry little brass, an' let it be i' your +pocket, net i' yor face. Th' less yo have an' th' less yo'll spend. +Dooant buy patent booits to walk o' th' sand in. If you're anxious to +ride in a cock booat, dooant be particler to wear white trowsers. If +yo want a horse to ride, tak one wi yo—it 'll save yo a deeal +o' +disappointment; if yo want a donkey, settle ha mony legs yo could like +it to have, an' yo'll find plenty. Be careful noabody taks a fancy to +yo th' same way. Ther's as mony donkeys wi' two legs as four, an' a +bonny seet mooar. Talkin' abaat th' number o' legs maks me think ov a +chap at considered hissen rayther a sharp en; he'd a bit ov a garden +an' some cherry trees in it, an' one mornin' when he gate aat o' bed +he fan somdy had saved him th' trouble o' getherin' th' fruit; they'd +done it for him woll he wor asleep. He coom an' tell'd th' tale to +me. "A'a," he said, "if he could nobbut find aat who'd done it, he'd +stransport 'em over th' seah' that he wod!" "Why," aw says, "tha knows +burds is varry fond o' cherries, an' its happen th' burds." "Burds!" +he said, an' he winked at me varry knowingly. "Burds! happen they wor +burds—but they wor two-legged ens aw'll bet." Aw niver thowt +him +quite so sharp after that.</p> + +<p>Nah just a word bi way of a caution. A chap 'at's two paand i' +debt +an' goas an' spends three paand at a watterin' place, maks hiss en +five paand behund; whereas if he'd paid what he owed he'd still ha had +one paand to spend, an' that ud goa as far o' th' top o' Blackstonedge +as three paand at Blackpool. It's worth a thowt.</p> + +<h4><a name="Flaar_Shows."></a>Flaar Shows.</h4> + +<p>When ther's a flaar show, clooas show at th' same time. Aw +hear fowk +tawk abaat "floral gems," and sich like stuff, but aw understand varry +little abaat it. But aw've a few gems ov another sooart at sich +times—aw call 'em gems o' thowt. Aw'm allus wonderin. Aw +wonder a +deal aw've noa business to wonder. When aw see a lot o' nice young +lasses i' muslin dresses, all spankin clean, an ommost makkin a chap +wish he worn't wed—aw wonder if ther petticoits an' stockins +is as +cleean. An when aw see a lot o' white faced lads, 'a'ts hardly getten +ther hippins off, smokin cigars, an' spittin o'th' floor ivery two or +three yards,—aw wonder if they dooant wish they wor finished, +an' aw +wonder what ther mothers is dooin to let 'em aat by thersen. An' when +aw hear tell ha mich brass they get at th' doors, aw wonder ha mich on +it wor borrow'd to goa wi'—an' sometimes aw wonder what they +do wi' +it after they've getten it—but that's noa business o' +mine;—its a +hungary job, aw know. Aw mony a time wonder, when aw hear th' bands +o' music strike up, what Lord Byron ment when he said, "When music +arose with its voluptuous swell;" for aw've booath seen an' heeard +monny a voluptuous swell at a flaar show. An' aw wonder sometimes ha +it is 'at fowk 'at goa wi a shawl o' ther heead to pick aat a sheep +heead i'th' market, can't be content unless they're donned i' silks +an' satins to goa see a twoathree marrygolds an' fushias. An' +sometimes aw wonder 'what i'th' name o' fortun aw'm dooin thear mysen, +an' if anybody axes me, aw wonder what business it is o' +their's;—an' +its just a case o' wonderin throo beginnin to th' endin', an' aw +wonder when fowk 'll leearn a bit o' wit. Aw wonder if fowk think th' +same abaat me. Aw wonder if they do. Aw shouldn't wonder if they +did.</p> + +<h4><a name="October_Ale."></a>October Ale.</h4> + +<p>They reckon to brew a gooid sup o' ale in October, an' they +call it +"Prime owd October." Ther's monny a war thing i'th' world nor a sup +o' gooid drink. Landlords an' teetotal-lecturers manage to get a +livin' aat on it some way;—but it's th' same wi' ale as wi' +iverything else nah days,—it's nowt made on unless it's +sharp. It's +a sharp age we live in;—hand-loom waivin' an' stage coaches +are all +too slow; iverybody an' iverything keeps growin' sharper. But we +arn't as sharp as what they are i' 'Merica yet—they're too +sharp. +They tell me they ha' to lapp thersen up i' haybands afoor they goa to +bed, for fear o' cuttin' th' sheets. Aw heeard tell o' one chap +runnin' a race wi' a flash o' leetnin', an' they say he'd ha' won but +for one ov his gallus buttons comin' off. An' another 'at used to mak +leather garters an' throw 'em ovver his heead, an' he could mak 'em +soa sharp 'at he allus kept one pair flyin'. He worn't a bad hand at +his job, he worn't that. One day aw axed a chap 'at had been, "if +they wor raylee as sharp as what fowk gave 'em credit for?" "Why," he +says, "they wor sharper nor aw liked on, or else aw shouldn't ha' come +back; but aw couldn't get on noa rooad: aw tried two or three +different trades, but aw made nowt aat, an' at last aw set up as +tubthumper; but that wodn't do. They niver wanted ought +makkin'— +they wor too sharp for that; they allus brought yo summat to +mend;— +becoss they knew a chap couldn't charge as mich for mendin' an owd tub +as for makkin' a new en; soa if they'd ony sooart ov a owd tub lagg, +or a piece of a barrel bottom, they browt it to get mended into a new +tub. Aw did as weel as aw could amang it; but one day a chap comes in +an' says, 'Aw want yo to do a bit o' repairin' for me.' 'Varry gooid, +sur,' says aw, 'an' what might yo be wantin?' 'Well,' he says, 'aw've +an owd bung hoil here, do yo think yo could fit me a fresh barrel to +it?' Aw niver spake for a minit, then aw says, 'wod yo be gooid enuff +to lend me a hand to put theas shuts up?' 'Wi' pleasure, sur,' he +said, an' he did, an' aw left th' job an' coom hooam, for aw thowt +they wor rayther too sharp." Mun, a chap can be too sharp sometimes. +My advice is, be as sharp as yo like, if yo're sharp in a reight way, +but thers some things it's as weel to be slow abaat. Be slow to do a +shabby trick, an' be sharp to help a poor body 'at needs it. Be slow +to see other fowk's faults, an' be sharp to improve yor own. Be slow +to scandalise yor neighbors, an' keep a sharp luk aat to steer clear +ov iverybody else's business; yo'll find it 'll give yo moor time to +luk after yor own.</p> + +<h4><a name="Force_of_Example."></a>Force of +Example.</h4> + +<p>Last May Mr. Goosequill, attorney-at-law, liberally forgave a +poor +widow the expenses of a trial in which he had been engaged. It is a +singular fact that a tom-cat, which had been for years in the +gentleman's family, having caught a mouse, let it go for pity's sake +the following day.</p> + +<h4><a name="Gunpaader_Plot."></a>Gunpaader +Plot.</h4> + +<p>Squibs an' crackers! Starleets an' catterin wheels! Bunfires +an' +traikle parkin! This is th' time for a bit ov a jollification. Guy +Fawkes did a gooid turn, after all, when he tried to blow th' +Parliament haase up; for we should ha' had one spree less i' the' year +but for him. Ax twenty fowk this question o' th' fourth o' November, +"Are yo gooin to buy ony fireworks this year?" an aw dar be bun to say +yo willn't find one i'th' lot but what'll say "Aw've summat else to do +wi' my brass nor to waste it o' sich like fooilery as that." An' +still, aw'll wager at nineteen on 'em buy some after all. Ther's a +deal o' difference i'th way they spend it. I' th' country they all sit +raand th' fire wi' their parkin an' milk' or else rooasted puttaties, +an' they tell tales, an' they laf an' talk till they've varry near +burned ther shoo toas off, an' getten soa starved o' ther back 'at +they willn't be shut ov a cold for a month; but i'th' taan there's +allus th' mooast to do i'th' public haases. Aw think aw shall niver +forget a marlock we had th' last plot. It wor in a public haase +somewhere between "Spice Cake-loin" an' Whiskum Dandy; ther wor a raam +full o' fowk, an' aw nooatised 'at iverybody's pockets wor swelled +aat, an' thinks aw, aw shouldn't be capp'd if ther wor a dust here in +a while. They just wanted somdy to start. In a bit one on 'em gate up +to goa aat, an' th' landlord (he'd a cork leg) drop'd a cracker into +his pocket. He hadn't gooan far when bang it went; he turns back an' +leets abaat two dozzen an' sends 'em in to th' middle o'th' raam. +"Nah, lads! for God's sake show a bit o' sense," says th' landlord, +"dooant begin sich like wark as that i' this raam, nah dooant." He +mud as weel ha' just whistled jigs to a mile-stoop; aat coom +iverybody's stock, an' i' less nor hauf a minit ther wor sich a +hullabaloo i' that shop as aw niver heeared afoor. To mak matters +war, somdy had shut th' door an' fesened it, an' th' place wor full o' +rick, an iverybody ommost chooak'd. Aw gate under th' seat, an' in a +bit somdy smashes th' window an' bawls aat "fire! fire!" I' two or +three minits ther coom a stream o' watter into th' raam as thick as my +shackle, an' smash went th' chandilleer. Th' landlord wor mad +ommost—lukkin glasses an' picters went one after tother, an' +aw faand +aat 'as aw couldn't swim, aw should ha' to shift, or else aw should be +draaned. Some kind soul managed to braik th' door daan an' we gate aat, +but aw could hear th' landlord yelling aat 'at sombdy had stown his +cork +leg. Ha' they went on aw dooant know, for aw steered straight hooam. +At abaat six o'clock th' next morning, as aw went to my wark, aw saw a +cork leg with a varry good booit on it, hangin' to a gas lamp, an aw +wonder'd whose it wor.</p> + +<h4><a name="Th_Last_Month."></a>Th' Last +Month.</h4> + +<p>Th' last month o' th' year; an' ther's summat rayther +sorrowful abaat +th' last o' owt, exceptin' trouble; an' still to me ther's allus +summat varry interestin' abaat owt at's "th' last." Aw've watched men +when they've been buildin' a long chimley, but aw've niver felt mich +interest till it's come th' time for 'em to put on th' last stooan; +they've labored day by day, riskin boath life an' limb, an' still +aw've felt varry little anxiety; but it's just th' fact on it bein' +th' last stooan; an' aw've hardly been able to tak my een off it till +it's been finished an' th' last man's come safe daan. But still it's +a sorrowful saandin' word is "last." Th' last farewell—th' +last +look—th' last breath—an' th' last restin, place; it +sets fowk thinkin +what there'll be after "th' last." Th' last month i'th' year isn't a +bad time to luk back an' see ha we've spent th' past eleven, an' aw +think ther's few but what'll be able to see monny a place where +they've missed it. An' if soa we'd better mak th' best o'th' few days +left to mak what amends we can. Owd Christmas comes in smilin', with +his holly an' his mistletoe, an' his gooid tempered face surraanded +wi' steam of plum puddin' an' roast beef—tables get tested +what +weight they can bear—owd fowk an' young ens exchange +greetin's, punch +bowls steam up; an' lemons an' nutmegs suffer theresen to be rubbed, +scrubbed, sliced, an' stewed; an' iverybody at can, seems to be jolly +at Christmas. Some fowk luk forrard to Christmas just for th' sake of +a gooid feed, an' aw've seen odd ens, nah an' then, 'at can tuck it in +i' fine style. Aw recollect one Christmas when Jooan o' Jenny's (we +used to call him Jooan long stummack) went to London (he'd one o'th' +best twists aw iver met wi'), an' he wor takken varry wamley for want +ov a bit ov a bitin on, soa he went into a cook's shop an' ax'd 'em ha +mich they'd mak him a dinner for? "Eighteenpence, sur," said th' +maister, "come, sit daan an' help thisen." Soa he sat daan just at +th' front ov a lump o' rooast beef, an' cut a piece off as big as a +brick, an' he worn't lang i' polishin' that an' cutting another. Th' +landlord wor rayther capped when he saw it goa like that, an' he says +"Tha'rt hungary, lad, aw think! Will ta have, summat to sup?" "Noa +thank yo, sur," says Jooan, "not just yet." He varry sooin put th' +second lot where it could keep th' furst company, an' began cuttin' a +third; this made th' maister seem varry uneasy, an' he says, "Tha'd +better have summat to sup, lad! Mun aw fotch thi a pint o' drink?" +"Noa, thank yo," said Jooan, "aw mak a practice niver to sup till +aw've hauf, done." "Why, lad," says th' landlord, "haitch will ta tak' +to drop it?" "Well" said Jooan, "if yo dooant like my company aw'm +sooary aw've come, but aw shouldn't like to leave this table for less +nor hauf a craan, if aw do aw shall be a loiser." Th' old chap pooled +awt hauf a craan an' banged it on to th' table, an' says, "Tak' it, +an' tak' thisen away, an' niver put thi fooit i' my haase agean as +long as tha's a day to live; tha'd ruin me in a wick." "Why, +maister," he says, "yo cap me sayin' soa, for aw can't ait as mich bi +a caah head as once aw cud. Aw'll tak' th' hauf crawn; gooid day, +maister; you've made a shillin 'at me."</p> + +<h4><a name="Mediated_Strike."></a>Mediated +Strike.</h4> + +<p>At a meeting of the tax-collectors of the W— +R—g of —shire, held +in one of the cells beneath the Town Hall it was proposed, "That we, +the tax gatherers and rate collectors of the W— +R—g of —shire do +intend to throw up our offices, unless our wages are reduced or our +labours increased, for being like unto other men, possessed of +consciences, we are frequently tormented with the thought, that we are +receiving more than what is our due, and by that means wronging the +public." Mr. Christopher Delphian moved as an amendment, "that they +should dispose of their consciences, that being a readier way of +getting over the difficulty." The chairman put the amendment which was +carried, and the consciences were sold in one lot, for 7 3/4 d., which +was carried to the fund for the entertainment of Mr. Calcraft, the +president, whenever he should visit the district on a professional +tour.</p> + +<h4><a name="New_Years_Parties."></a>New +Year's Parties.</h4> + +<p>Its net oft at aw have mich to do wi' parties. Th' fact is +aw'm wed, +an' young fowk dooant want me, becoss they say aw've made my markets, +an' wed fowk dooant oft ax me becoss aw suppose aw dooant oft ax them. +But this month last year aw did get a invite to a doo, an' aw went. +Aw'st net forget in a hurry what a fidget my owd woman gate into. +Shoo brushed me daan aboon a duzzen times, an' turned me raand like a +rooastin jack to see ha aw luk'd, woll aw wor as mazy as a wheel +heead, an' th' childer luk'd up i' my face two or three times afoor +they could believe it wor me. Aw heeard awr Abram telling Betty 'at +"he believed his fayther wor gooin to get kursen'd or summat." "Ho +eeah! why what are they baan to call him?" shoo says. "Nay, aw dooant +know, but my mother's been callin' him 'gaumless,' happen that's it."</p> + +<p>Gaumless enuff aw thowt, an' after rubbin' my hat raand wi' a +weet +sponge (woll th' wife declared it wor as hansum as a Japan tea caddy), +aw set off. Aw seized howd o'th' nob when aw gate to th' door, an' aw +gave a gooid pawse, same as aw do at hooam, A fine young gentleman +oppen'd it, an' after starin' at me for two or three minits, he said, +"Walk in, sur." Aw doff'd my hat an' did soa; an' he! what a smell! +"By gow, lad," aw said, "its enuff to mak my maath watter is this, +ther's nowt awm fonder on nor onions, an' aw con smell ther's some +cookin'—they'll be frying some liver, aw dar say. Are ta th' +maister's lad?" aw axed. "Noa, sur," he said; "a'wm th' waiter." +"Why tha needn't wait o' me," aw said, "aw'll luk after mysel." +"Come this way, sur." he said, "aw'll introduce yo'. What name shall +aw say, sur?" "Does ta think aw am not known?" aw says; "nah aw'll +tell thi what it is: if tha keeps diddlin after me like tha has done +sin' aw come in, as if tha thowt aw wanted to stail summat, awst just +twist thi neck raand." Th' maister heeard me tawkin, an' coom to +shake hands wi' me, smilin' all ovver his face delightedly. He hook'd +his arm i' mine, an' walked me into a grand raam full o' ladies an' +waiters (aw made 'em aat to be waiters coss they wor dressed like him +'at stood at th' door.) "This is my old friend, the Almenack maker," +he said, an' they all gate up an' sat daan agean. When aw luk'd raand +aw thowt, "Aw'm in for it this time," for aw could mak it aat to be +nowt but a meetin' to kursen a lot o' childer', an' varry likely they +wanted me to stand godfayther for 'em. Aw saw noa babbies ony-where, +but then aw'd heeard fowk tell abaat th' quality havin' weet nurses +for ther bairns, an' aw made it aat 'at thease must be um, on accaant +o'th' way they wor dressed, for they wor all i' white, an' ther's nowt +easier weshed, an' aw thowt to mysen, "Aw'll tell my owd woman to have +her gaon made i' th' same pattern when shoo's ony more to suckle, for +it must save a deal o' trouble, an' be for ivver better nor havin' a +lot o' hooks an' eyes botherin' abaat th' child's face." But thear aw +sat, an' as noabody said owt to me, aw said nowt to noabody. In a bit +ivery body began pairin' off, an' th' maister says, "Come, my friend, +you must take a lady to dinner," an' a reight grand young woman coom +an' tuk howd o' mi arm, an' we follow'd aat i' prussesshun, like they +do at a burrin. When we gate into th' next raam aw fan aat mi mistak +abaat all th' chaps being waiters, for they sat daan to th' table same +as th' maister an' me, soa aw thowt varry likely they wor locals, or +summat i'th' missionary line. Aw niver saw as mich stuff to ait i' +all my life, except in a cook shop. "Shall I pass you a little soup," +said th' maister? "Noa, thank yo," aw said, "aw weshed me afoor aw +coom." "Not soap, my good friend, I mean soup," he said. "Oh! broth, +is it? Aw did'nt know what yo ment. Eeah, aw'll tak a soop o' broth, +if yo please, an' a bit o' suet dumplin,' if yo have a bit." When aw +said soa, a lot began a cough in', the same as if they'd a boan i' +ther throit, an' th' maister oppened sich a shop 'at aw thowt th' top +ov his heead had come off, but aw reckoned to tak noa noatice an' aw +worked away wi my gapin' stick woll th' maister axed me ha aw liked my +ox tail soup. "Dun yo call this ox tail soup," aw said, an' aw beld +up a caah tooith ommust big enuff to mak a knife heft. Aw thowt it +war a gooid joak, but noabody else seem'd to see it, an' th' mistress +ordered th' waiter to tak it away instantum.</p> + +<p>When we'd all etten woll we' wor om most brussen they browt a +lot o' +black bottles wi' silver necks in, an' we'd all a glass o' some sooart +o' pop. By th' heart an' it wor pop too. "Dun yo mak this yoursen, +mistress?" aw axed. "By gingo, this licks awr traitle drink into fits, +yo mun give me th' resait, if yo have it." "This is shampane, sur," +shoo said. "Aw dooant care whether it's sham or not, it's as gooid as +owt o'th' sooart aw've tasted, aw'll thank you for another drop," +"Help yourself, my friend," said th' maister, an aw did, aboon a bit, +but ha long aw wor at it or ha monny bottles aw emptied aw niver +knew, for some ha aw fell asleep, an' when aw wakken'd aw wor at +hooam, an' my owd wornan wor callin aat, "Are ta baan'ta get up, +yond's th' last whew."</p> + +<h4><a name="Smiles_Tears_Getting_on."></a>Smiles, +Tears, Getting on.</h4> + +<p>Smiles are things aw like to see, an'. they're noa less +acceptable +becoss sometimes ther's a tear or two. A chap at's a heart ov a +reight sooart under his waistcoit cannot allus be smilin'. Awve met a +deal o' sooarts o' fowk i' my bit o' time, an' th' best aw iver met +had a tear i' ther ee nah an' then. If ther's owt aw hate to see, its +a chap at's allus smilin'; an' if iver yo meet sich a one set him daan +to be awther a haufthick or a hypocrite—yo'll be sure to be +reight. +It'll be time enuff to be allus grinnin' when all th' warkhaases an' +th' prisons are to let—when lawyers have to turn farmers, an' +bumbaileys have to emigrate—when yo connot find a soldier's +or a +policeman's suit ov clooas, except in a museum—when ther's +noa +chllder fun frozen to th' deeath o' London Brig—an' when poor +fowk +get more beef an' less bullyin'. If iver sich a time comes woll aw +live, aw'll laff wi' th' best on em, but till then a claad sometimes +will settle on mi here,—an awm glad 'at it is soa.</p> + +<p>Aw niver see a chap 'at's tryin to get on but what he reminds +me ov +once gooin to a Baptist chapel to see a lot o' fowk kursened. +Everybody wor feightin' for th' front pews, an' them 'at gate 'em had +to haddle e'm an' net be perticular abaat ther shirt +collar—an' when +a chap starts aat for a front place i' this life he has to rough it, +an' if he succeeds aw wonder sometimes if he's ony better off nor them +'at gate th' front seeats i'th' chapel, for all 'at wor behund 'em +seem'd to be tryin' to shove 'em ovver into th' bottom, an' nah an' +then aw noaticed odd uns 'at could bide noa longer, an' gave up th' +spot they'd fowt soa hard to get, an' sombdy behund, 'at had hardly +tewd a bit dropt into th' seat. And sich is life: it isn't allus th' +workers 'at succeed, net it marry! its th' skeeamers! it's them 'at +keeps ther een oppen. But aw con allus thoil 'em owt they get, if, +when they're climbin' up th' stee, they niver put ther heel on another +chap's neck, by traidin' on his fingers, to mak him lawse his hold. +It's a wrang nooation 'at some fowk have getten, to "get brass +honestly if yo can, an' if yo cannot, try to keep a easy conscience, +an' do baat it." Some chaps 'll niver get on; they're allus gooin' to +mend, but they niver start. Sich like should tak a pattern throo th' +Almenack makkers—they've lost eighteen haars this last three +years, +an' if they didn't mind they'd loise six mooar this time, but they tak +care net to do soa,—they shove a day extra into February to +mak it +up, and they call it "leap year," and it ud be a rare gooid job if +fowk wod tak a few laups this year;—laup aat o'th' alehouse +on to th' +hearthstun at home—laup aat o' bed i' time for th' church ov +a Sunday +momin'—laup aat o' th' clutches o' th' strap +shop—laup aat o' th' +gate o' bad company—laup up to yo're wark wi' a smile, an' +laup back +hooam wi' it, an' yo'll find th' wife's heart ul laup wi joy to see yo +comin' back cheerful, an' th' childer ul laup on to yo'r knee, an' +yo'll be capt ha easy it'll be to laup over ony bits o' trouble 'at +yo' meet wi'. But alus laup forrard if it's possible; for if yo try +to laup backards yo'll run th' risk o' braikin yo'r neck, an' noabody +pities them 'at laups aat o' th' fryin' pan into th' fire, an' it's a +easy matter to miss it.—Aa dear o' me! aw think it +is!—and yo'd +think soa if yo'd seen what aw saw once. A mate o' mine courted a +lass, an' he'd monny a miss afore he gat throo wi it. He used to go +an' tawk to her throo a brokken window 'at ther wor i' th' weshhaase, +an' one neet shoo'd promised to meet him thear, an' he wanted to kuss +her as usual, but he started back. "Nay, Lucy," he said, "aw'm sure +thar't nooan reight. Has ta been growin' a mustash?" Mew! mew! it +went; an' he fan aat he'd kuss'd th' owd Tom cat. When th' neighbours +gate to know, they kursened him "Kusscat," an' they call him soa yet. +But that worn't all; for when he went to get wed he wor soa flustered +woll he stood i' th' wrang place, an' when th' time coom for him to +put th' ring on, he put it on th' woman next to him—he thowt +it +didn't mean, for he cud get it swap'd after, but when it wor ovver +they all began to find aat ther'd been a mistak. "Why, Kusscat," said +one, "what's ta been doin'? Tha' s getten wed to thi mother." Th' +parson look'd glum, but he said, "It's noa use botherin' nah, its too +lat, you should ha' spokken afoor—an' aw think he's fittest +to be wi' +his mother." But he roar'd like a bull, an' begged th' parson to do +it ovver, an' do it reight; but Lucy said, "He'd noa cashion, for +shoo'd live an' dee an owd maid for iver afoor shoo'd have ony chap +second hand." But her heart worn't as hard as shoo thowt, soa, shoo +gave in, an' th' next time they managed better.</p> + +<h4><a name="Mysterious_Disapperance."></a>Mysterious +Disapperance.</h4> + +<p>A short time ago Mr. Fitzivitz, of Rank end, was seen to be +swimming +at a great rate and making a most extensive spread in the river plate. +Several friends cautioned him not to go so far out of his depth, but +he was utterly heedless of advice, he dived still deeper, and was +observed to sink over head and ears in debt, leaving a large circle of +friends to bewail his loss. His body has since been recovered, but +all that could have comforted his anxious friends had fled, alas for +ever.</p> + +<h4><a name="Sam_it_up."></a>Sam it up.</h4> + +<p>Ther's a deal o' things scattered raand, at if fowk ud tak th' +trouble +to pick up might do 'em a paar o' gooid, an' my advice is, if yo meet +wi' owt i' yor way 'at's likely to mak life better or happier, sam it +up, but first mak sure yo've a reight to it. Nah, aw once knew a chap +at fan a topcoit, an' he came to me, an' says—"A'a lad! awve +fun one +o' th' grandest topcoits to-day at iver tha clapt thi' een on." "Why, +where did ta find it?" aw says. "Reight o' th' top o' Skurcoit moor." +"Well, tha'rt a lucky chap," aw says, "what has ta done wi' it?" "Aw +niver touched it; 'aw left it just whear it wor." "Well, tha art a +faoil; tha should ha' brout it hooam." "E'ea! an' aw should ha' done, +but does ta see ther wor a chap in it." Aw tell'd him he'd made a +fooil on me, an' aw consider'd mysen dropt on, but noa moor nor he wor +wi' havin' to leave th' coit. "Neer heed," he said "fowk can allus do +baat what they can't get," an' aw thowt ther wor a bit o' wisdom i' +what he said. But what caps me th' mooast is at fowk tug an' tew for +a thing as if ther life depended on it, an' as sooin as they find they +cannot get it, they turn raand an' say they care nowt abaat it. We've +all heeard tell abaat th' "fox an' grapes," an' ther's a deal o' that +sooart o' thing. This world's full o' disappointments, an' we've all +a share. Th' Bradford Exchange wor oppened this month, 1867, an' aw +luk on it, that wor a sad disappointment to some. "Exchange is noa +robbery," they say, but if some fowk knew what it had cost, they might +think it had been a dear swap. Ther are fowk at call it "a grand +success"—but then awve heeard some call th' Halifax Taan Hall +"a +grand success," but they haven't made me believe it. It may do a deal +o' gooid, aw'll not deny that; it may taich fowk to let things alooan +at they dooan't understand—let's hooap soa. Ovver th' +door-hoil +they've put "Act Wisely," an' it's time they did. Its summat like +telling a chap to be honest, at the same time yo'r picking his pocket. +But we've noa business to grummel, its awr duty to "submit to th' +powers that be" (if they're little ens); but a chap cannot help +langin' for th' time when brains an' net brass shall fit a man for a +Taan Caancillor. But fowk mun get consolation aat o' summat, soa they +try to fancy th' Taan Hall luks handsome. Its like th' chap 'at saw +his horse fall into th' beck;—he tugg'd an' pool'd, and +shaated an' +bawl'd, but th' horse went flooatin' on, plungin' its legs abaat, +makkin' th' watter fly i' all direckshuns but it wur noa use, for it +wur draanded at th' last. When he went hooam he tell'd th' wife abaat +it</p> + +<p>"What does ta say?" shoo says; "is it draanded?"</p> + +<p>"E'es, it's draanded, lass; but it ud ha' done thi e'en gooid +to ha' +seen it, aw wor capt,—mun it wur a topper to swim, an' that's +a +comfort; tha knows we could niver ha' known that if it had niver been +tried."</p> + +<p>Lets hooap 'at when they've another to build they'll do +better. Its +niver too late to mend, an' we're niver too owd to learn; but its hard +wark to taich some. Aw remember once a chap tellin' me hah they made +sooap, an' he said "three-thirds o' sooap wor tollow, an' tother +summat else." Aw tried to show him 'at it couldn't be soa, for if +three-thirds wor tollow it must be all tollow; but he said, aw +"needn't start o' taichin' him; when he'd been a sooap boiler twenty +year he owt to know." Aw saw it wor noa use me talkin', for as +Wordsworth says (or else he doesn't)</p> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"Twor throwing words +away, for still,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The soap-boiler wod have +his will,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And said, "Three-thirds +wor tollow.'</span><br> + +<p>But who is ther 'at niver does wrang? net th' odd en! Them 'at +live +i' glass haases shouldn't throw stooans; soa we'll drop it. We're all +fooils at times.</p> + +<h4><a name="Fooils."></a>Fooils.</h4> + +<p>Ther's some born fooils, an' ther's some mak thersen fooils, +an'. +ther's some get made fooils on. When we hear fowk tell tales abaat +sein' boggards, an gettin' ther planets ruled, we think it saands +fooilish. Nah an' then one turns up rayther simple, an' a body con +hardly help laffin'. It's net long sin' aw heeard tell of a owd woman +goin' to th' Pooast Office i' Bolton, an' axin to see th' maister, an, +when he coom shoo said shoo wanted to know hah monny stamps it 'ud +tak' to send a mangle to Yeaworth. He couldn't tell her, an' shoo went +away thinkin' what a fooil he wor net to know his business better nor +that, an' he thowt what a fooil shoo wor for ax in sich a question. +An' soa it is;—we're apt to think iverybody fooils but ussen, +an' +them 'at belangs to us. Yo doant oft find a mother or fayther 'at +thinks ther lad's a fooil (unless he gets wed, an then they allus say +soa.) Iverybody's'child is th' grandest an' th' cliverest i'th world. +But aw couldn't help laffin' one day when I heeard a chap braggin' +abaat his lad. "Aa," he said, "he's cliverest lad of his age aw iver +met; he's nobbut thirteen year owd an' he con do owt." Just as he wor +sayin' soa th' lad coom into th' raam, aitin' a raw turnip, an' his +fayther thowt he'd show him off a bit, soa he said, "Jack a want thee +to go an' messur th' length o' that piece o' timber 'at's i'th yard, +an come tell me." Soa he gave him his two-fooit rule, an' th' lad +went. Aw thowt he wor a long time abaat it, but in a bit he coom +back. "Well Jack," said his fayther, "ha long is it? spaik up, that's +a fine lad." "Why," he says, "it's th' length o' yo'r rule, an' my +pocket comb, an' this piece o' band." "That's reight," said his +fayther, "tha con goa hoam," put aw nooaticed 'at be did'nt brag abaat +him quite so mitch at after.</p> + +<p>If a chap doesn't want to be thowt a fooil he should niver +start o' +showin' off befoor fowk till he knows what he's abaat, an' ther's noan +on us knows iverything. Aw remember once go in' to th' sale ov a +horse, an' th' auctioneer knew varry little abaat cattle, an' he began +praisin' it up as he thowt. "Gentlemen," he said, "will you be kind +enough to look at this splendid animal! examine him, gentlemen; look +at his head; why, gentlemen, it's as big as a churn! an' talk about +points—why, it's all points; you can hang yo'r hat on any +part of +him!" He'd just getten soa far, when th' chap 'at belang'd th' horse +could bide it noa longer, soa be laup'd up an' pooled th' auctioneer +daan bith' hair o'th' heead. "Tha may be an auctioneer," he said, +"but tha'rt noa ostler." But it isn't long sin' aw wor at a sale o' +picturs, i'th' Teetotal Hall at Halifax, an' th' chap 'at wor sellin' +put up one lot an' made this speech:—"Ladies and +Gentlemen,—The +next lot I have the pleasure to offer you are three picturs of 'Joan +of Arch' a French lady of distinction, who fought at the Battle of +Waterloo against the Duke of Wellington, and was afterwards burnt at +the siege of Moscow. How much shall I say for this lot?" Aw walk'd +aat when awd heeard that, for aw thowt he might happen be a ostler, +but blow me if he wor fit for an auctioneer. But we con forgi' a chap +lukkin fooilish sometimes, if he doesn't mak' other fowk luk soa; but +when that chap at Saathawarm put bills up to call a meeting o'th' +committee to consider what color to whitewash th' schooil, they all +felt fooilish. A young chap 'at's just popp'd th' question to a young +woman feels rayther fooilish if shoo says "Noa." An' if shoo says +"Yes," he may live to think he wor fooilish. A chap feels fooilish +when he's been runnin aboon a mile to catch th' train, an' just gets +thear i' time to see it move off an' leave him. A chap feels fooilish +when he goas to th' chapel when ther's a collection, an' finds he's +left th' hawpenny at hooam he thowt o' givin', an's nowt noa less nor +hauf a craan. A chap feels fooilish if he's been rakein' aat all th' +neet, an' when he gets hooam his wife finds a woman's neet-cap hung to +his coit button. A chap luks fooilish when he's tellin' a tale an' +forgets hah it finishes. A woman luks fooilish when shoo's lost her +hair pins, an' her false bob's hingin' daan her back. An' ther are +times when we're all fooilish, an' awm feeard if aw doant stop yo may +begin to think me fooilish, soa aw'll drop it.</p> + +<h4><a name="Cleenin_Daan_Month."></a>Cleenin' +Daan Month.</h4> + +<p>May is abaat th' warst pairt o'th' year for a wed chap, for he +connot +walk aat, an' he cannot be comfortable at hooam, becoss it's th' +cleeanin' daan time. Talk abaat weshin' days! they're fooils to +cleeanin' days. Buckstun lime an' whitewesh, bees-wax an' +turpitine— +black-leead an' idleback, stare a chap i' th' face ivery where. Pots +an' pans—weshin' bowls an' peggy tubs, winteredges an' clooas +lines— +brooms an' besoms—dish claots an' map claots, block up ivery +nook +an' corner; an' if iver ther is a time when a chap darn't spaik it's +then. If he thinks th' haase is cleean enuff, an' doesn't want owt +dooin' at, his wife's sure to call him a mucky haand, an' say 'at he +wodn't care if he wor up to th' shoo tops i' filth; an' if he says he +thinks it wants a cleean, shoo'll varry sooin ax him if he can tell +her whear ther's another haase as cleean, for shoo doesn't know one, +an' if he does, he's welcome to goa. But it all ends i' th' same +thing—its th' time o' th' year for a reight upset, an' it 'll +ha to +have it, whether it wants it or net. Ther's noa way to suit a woman +at sich times, but to be as quiet as yo can. If yo say, "Come, lass, +con aw help thi a bit," shoo's sure to snap at yo, as if shoo'd bite +yor heead off, an' tell yo to get aat ov her gate, for yor allus under +her nooas, woll shoo can do nowt. An' if yo goa aat o'th' gate, +shoo'll ax yo as sooin as yo come in, ha yo can fashion to spend' yor +time gaddin abaat when yo know ha things is at hooam, an' you dooant +care th' toss ov a button for her, but just mak her into a slave, an' +niver think o' sich a thing as liggin' on a helpin' hand. Ther's noa +way to do but to bide it as weel as yo can, an' say little, for it +doesn't last long. But even when its ovver, yo mun be careful what yo +say, for if yo tell her yo think it luks better for th' labor, shoo's +sure to say at "shoo sees varry little difference, an' shoo wor fare +capt, for ivery thing wor as cleean as a pin." An' if yo say yo can +see noa difference, shoo'll say, "Tha can see nowtt,"—but +shoo knows +whether its different or net, for shoo's taen aboon a barra' looad o' +muck aat o' that haase that wick. Soa my advice is, to say nowt at +sich times till yo're axed, an then say as they say. Aw once heeard +ov a young couple at wor baan to get wed, an' they made it up allus to +say an' think alike, an' then they'd be sure net to fall aat; soa they +went to th' church an' gate made man an wife, an' as they wor walkin' +hooam he said, "Aw think this is th' happiest day o' awr lives." +"E'ea," shoo says, "aw think it is." "Aw think we shall have some +rain afoor long," he said. "E'ea," shoo says, "aw think it luks +likely for weet." "A'a did ta iver see a faaler bonnet nor that lass +has on," shoo said? "Noa lass, aw think aw niver did," he replied; +"but what a bonny lass shoo is, isn't shoo?" "Nay, nobbut middlin'," +shoo says. "Well aw think her a beauty." "Aw wonder where tha luks," +shoo said, "but if tha'rt soa taen wi' her, tha con have her astead o' +me." "Nay, lass," he said, "tha knows we've agreed allus to think an' +say alike, an' awm sure shoo's a varry bonny lass." "Well an' awm +sure shoo's as plain a stick as iver aw saw i' all my life, an' if aw +agree to say an' think what tha does, it wor cos aw thowt tha wor +reight i' thi heead." Soa they walk'd hooam lukkin varry glum, an' +differ'd for th' futer same as other fowk. When a chap gets wed he +should be ready for th' warst. Aw once knew a chap at fell i' love wi +a woman 'at he met in a railway train, an' as they lived a long way +apart, they did ther coortin i' writin' an' at last th' day wor fixed +for 'em to get wed. Joa went to fotch her an' walk her to th' church, +an' as they wor gooin' he thowt shoo walked rayther queer, soa he +says, "Susy, does ta limp?" "Limp!" shoo says, "net aw, aw limp +noan." Soa they went on, an' just as they wor gooin' into th' church, +he said, "Susy, awm sure tha seems to limp." "A'a, Joa," shoo says, +"aw wonder what tha'll say next." Soa Joa an' Susy gate wed. When +they wor gooin hooam he said, "Susy, awm sure tha limps." "Aw know aw +limp," shoo says, "aw allus limp'd; is a woman ony war for limpin'?"</p> + +<h4><a name="Hay-Making."></a>Hay-Making.</h4> + +<p>I hope my readers will regard that varry gooid advice, when +they see +th' grass cut—"Mak hay woll th 'sun shines." There's nowt aw +like +better nor to spend a day or two in a hay field. Tawk abaat "Ho de +Colong!" It doesn't smell hauf as weel to me as a wisp o' new made +hay. An' them 'at niver knew th' luxury a' gooin' to bed wi' tired +booans, should work i'th' hay-field for a wick. It'll do onnybody +gooid; an' if some o' them idle laewts 'at stand bi a duzzen together +at th' loin ends _laikin_ at pitch an' toss, wod goa an' _work_ at +pitch an' toss, they'd be better booath i' mind an' body an' pocket. +Tossin' th' hay is booath healthful an' lawfur but tossin' hawpneys +(especially them wi' heeads o' booath sides) is nawther. Hay makkin' +is a honest callin', an' when a chap is gettin' his livin' honestly +(noa matter what he does), he feels independent,—an' when a +chap +feels soa, he can affooard to spaik what he thinks. Aw remember once +callin' at th' "Calder an' Hebble" public haase, an' sittin' in a raam +wi' a lot o' young swells 'at coom throo Sowerby Brigg; an' in a bit, +a trampified lukkin' chap coom in, an' called for a glass o' ale. +This didn't suit th' young gentlemen, soa one on 'em says to him, +"Fellow, you are an intruder." "Tha'rt a liar," th' chap says, "awm +nowt at sooart, awm a cheer-bottom mender an' aw've sarved mi time to +it." "You don't understand me, sir; what I mean is that you have no +business here." "Noa, lad; aw niver come to theeas shops when aw've +ony business, aw allus do that furst." This rayther puzzled th' young +swell an' his face went as red as a hep, cos aw laff'd at him; an' he +struck his naive o'th' table; "Sir," said he, "will you take your +departure?" "Noa," he said, "aw'll tak nowt 'at doesn't belang to me +if aw know on it." "You're an insolent scoundrel, and I leave you +with contempt." "Yo can leeav me wi' who yo like," he said, "awst +mislest noabody if they behave therlsen". They all went an' left him, +an' as sooin as they'd getten aat o'th' seet he set up a gurt laff, +an' called for another glass; an' aw nooatised at he gave th' landlord +a Sovereign to tak pay aat on, an' when he brout him his change back, +he said, "Thank you, sir," an' bow'd to him as if he'd been one o'th' +gentry. This happened o'th' same day as aw'd been at Briggus, an' +awst net forget that in a hurry:—aw'll tell yo abaat it. It +wor a +varry hot day, an' aw'd walked throo Halifax, an' wor beginin' to get +rayther dry, an' when aw'd getten ommost thear, aw saw a booard shoved +aat ov a chamer winder, wi' th' words painted on, "Prime Ginger Beer +Sold here," soa aw went into th' haase an' ax'd for a bottle. +He browt me a old hair oil bottle filled wi' summat, an a varry +mucky-lukkin glass to sup aat on. "Cannot yo let me have a cleean +glass, +maister?" aw axed. "That's clean," he says, "for aw bowt it aboon +twelve months sin, an'it's niver been used for owt but pop." Aw +emptied th' bottle into it, an it lukk'd ommost like milk sops. "What +do yo call all thease things at's swimmin' abaat?" aw says. "O, +that's yeast, young man; it's a varry gooid thing for ther inside; +aw'd a doctor once call'd for a bottle, an' he wodn't let me tak a bit +aat: it does fowk gooid." "Well but wodn't he let yo tak some o' +theas pieces o' cork aat?" aw axed. "Net a bit! for he said they +acted tother rooad, an' it wor th' best to sup th' lot." "Do yo sell +a gooid deal o' this, maister?" "A'a bless yo! aw do that. Ther wor +a real lady coom here o' Sunday afternooin, an' shoo supp'd seven +bottles, an' shoo said shoo'd ha supped seventeen but her stumack wor +varry kittle, an' shoo wor feear'd e' upsettin it." "An' wor ther as +mich yeast in 'em as ther is i' this?" aw said. "E'ea! an' moor i' +some." "Why, then," aw said, "aw should think shoo'd rise early i'th +mornin'." "Ther's nowt noa better for gooin' to bed on, nor for +gettin' up on, nor that pop." Just then somdy coom in for a hawporth +o' mustard, an' woll he turn'd raand aw emptied it daan th' sink, paid +mi penny, an' hook'd it. Soa mich for Briggus, aw thowt. Aw've oft +heeard it spokken on as a risin' place, an noa wonder if they swallow +yeast at that rate. But aw dooant see what all this has to do wi' +haymakkin', soa aw'll rake up noa moar sich like things, for fear yo +pitch into me.</p> + +<h4><a name="Holinworth_Lake."></a>Holinworth +Lake.</h4> + +<p>Th' mooast remarkable thing 'at aw' con recollect abaat this +time last +year, wor a trip to Hollinworth Lake. Ther'd been a collection made +at the Longloin Sunday Schooil for a new gas meeter; an after they'd +getten th' brass, they bethought 'em 'at th' old en could be made do, +an' soa th' taichers agreed to have a trip wi' th' funds. They argued +a gooid deeal abaat ha to spend it, an' at last it wor decided they +should walk all th' rooad, an' spend it as they went on. They started +aat at four o'clock one Setterday mornin' i' furst rate fettle. Ther +wor six men an' seven women; but as th' superintendent wor as big as +two, they considered thersen weel paired. They trudged nicely on till +they gate to Bolton Brow, an' then two or three began to feel faint, +an' Swallow (that's th' superintendent's name) propooased 'at they +should have a drop o' drink to revive 'em. Noabdy had owt to say agean +that, soa as th' public haase wor just oppened, one on 'em went in an' +browt aat a quart pitcher full an' handed it to Swallow to sup th' +furst. An' he did sup—for when he left lause ther wor nowt +left but +th' froth on his upper lip to tell at ther'd iver bin ony. "Well" +said Lijah, "aw've heeared swallows called burds of passage, but if +they'd all a passage like thee, they'd sup th' sea dry." "Tha sees, +Lijah," he said, "awm unfortunate, for aw've a thirst on me 'at aw +cannot quench, an' aw darn't sup watter for fear o' havin' th' +dropsy." All th' women agreed' at he wor reight, an' soa after another +quart amang em they went on.</p> + +<p>What wi' laffin, an' talkin,' an' smookin, they gate to +Blackstone +Edge Moor, an' some of the women thowt it time for a rest, soa Swallow +stop'd all at once an' said, "Do yo all see that stooan post 'at's +standin' thear? That's the stooan at devides Yorksher an' Lankysher, +an' aw think this a 'varry fit time to say a few words woll yo ease +yor legs a bit." Soa up he climb'd onto th' pooast, an' began praichin +away, an' kept at it woll they wor all hauf pined to deeath. At last +Lijah said, "Hang it up, ha long are ta baan to talk? aw wonder thi +conscience doesn't prick thee!" "Prick me!" he said, "Aw defy owt to +prick me when awm laborin' for a gooid cause." Just then he ovver +balanced hissel an' fell slap into th' middle ov a whin bush; but he +wor up in a crack, an' one o' th' lasses said, "if his conscience +hadn't getten prick'd summat else had," an' they went forrard, but +Swallow kept his hand under his coit lap for a mile or two. They gate +to th' lake at last, an' after enjayin' what they call th' seea +breeze, they started off to see some o' th' places ov interest. One +o' th' furst they steer'd to wor th' birthplace o' Tim Bobbin. "An' +who wor Tim Bobbin?" said one o' th' lasses. This puzzled 'em, for +ther worn't one i'th' lot 'at knew; but one o' th' chaps said he +thowt, if he worn't mistakken, he war th' inventor o' th' spinnin' +mule. Th' superintendent said that wor varry likely, for he'd oft +nooatised when readin' history books, 'at chaps gate ther names throo +summat they'd done, an' soa varry likely he gate called Tim Bobbin for +that reason. After that they went back an' had a ride in a booat, an' +as nooan on em knew ha to row, th' watter were varry sooin ankle deep +inside; some on 'em began to grummel at this. "Oh, niver heed," said +Swallow, "yo'll niver catch cold wi' salt watter." It worn't long +afoor they wanted ther tea, soa they went into th' haase an' ordered a +gooid feed. Aw've heeard cunjurors say, "Quick, Jack, fly," when +they've been puttin' summat aat o'th' seet; but ther worn't time to +say that wi' them, for th' breead and butter went like leetnin'. One +plate full after another kept comin' in, till at last th' mistress +said, "Aw think yo must ha' been hungry?" "E'ea, it's change o' +climate 'at does it," they said. Soa shoo browt in a fresh lot, but +it made noa difference; away it went after tother. "Do yo' know,". +shoo says, when shoo coom in agean, "at yo've etten two pund o' breead +apiece?" "Why what's two pund when its cut thin," they said? An' at +it they went agean. When they couldn't find room for ony moor, they +paid ther shot an' started off hooam, whear they landed safely. Th' +next Sunday neet, when th' gas wor lit at schooil iverybody wor capt +to see what an' improvement th' new meter wor. Soa after passin' a +vote o' thanks to th' superintendent an' th' taichers for th' trouble +they' been put to, th' matter dropt.</p> + +<h4><a name="Plagues."></a>Plagues.</h4> + +<p>A lecture on this subject was delivered on Tuesday evening, to +the +members of the Ladies' Needle and Thimble Association, by the Rev. +James Sleek, curate of St. Enock's-in-the-Mist. After adverting to the +plagues of Egypt, the learned lecturer dwelt at length upon the +plagues of the present day, which he classed under the following heads: +—Servants, poor relations, borrowers, teetotallars, +tobacco-smokers, +and children in arms. To counteract these evils were such associations +as the one he had the honor to address, select tea meetings, fancy +bazaars, and perambulators. The lecture gave great satisfaction.</p> + +<h4><a name="End_o_th_Year."></a>End o' th' +Year.</h4> + +<p>It's a long loin 'at's niver a turn, an' th' longest loin ends +somewhear. Ther's a end to mooast things, an' this is th' end o' the +year. When a chap gets turned o' forty, years dooant seem as long as +once they did—he begins to be feeared o' time rolling +on—but it's +fooilish, for it nawther gooas faster nor slower nor iver it did. But +he's a happy chap 'at, when th' year ends, can luk back an' think ha +mich gooid he's done, for it isn't what a chap will do for th' futer, +its what he has done i'th' past 'at fowk mun judge by. Its net wise +for onybody to booast o' what they mean to do in a month's time, +becoss we cannot tell what a month's time may do for us. We can +hardly help havin' a gloomy thowt or two at this part o'th' year, but +Kursmiss comes to cheer us up a bit, an' he's nooan ov a gooid sooart +'at can't be jolly once i'th' year. As an owd friend o' mine has +cliverly said:—</p> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Come let us choose the +better part,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And sing whilst life is +given;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">A cheerful and contented +heart</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Gives no offence to Heaven.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Tis Christmas time, +then fill the horn,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Away with melancholy,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">If there's no leaves +upon the thorn,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">There is upon the holly.<br> + +<br> + +</span> +<p>Hi! varry true! When ther's no leaves upon th' thorn, they're +green +upon the holly. Ther's allus summat to be thankful for if we seek it +aat—ther's sure to be a bit o' sunshine +somewhere—an' its a varry +bad case if a chap can't find consolation aat o' summat.</p> + +<p>Aw remember a case ov a woman deein' 'at aw knew, an' aw met +th' +husband lukkin' varry glum a bit at after. "Well Joa," aw said, +"tha's had a heavy loss, lad." "Eea, aw have," an' then after +studdyin' a bit, he said, "but aw should ha had to ha bowt a new suit +afoor long, an' aw mud as weel buy black as any other color; it wod ha +been awkerd if aw'd just getten a white hat, as aw thowt +on—but +Providence! orders all things for th' best."</p> + +<p>Ther's noa daat a gooid lot on us find consolation aat o'th' +Kursmiss +jollification—its just a bit ov a sweetener afoor all th' +nooats +begin o' commin' in; aw dooant mean five paand nooats, ther's nooan +monny o' them stirrin'. It's th' coil nooats, an' gas nooats, an' tax +papers, them's th' sooart at's stirrin abaat this time. Wheniver +ther's a knock at th' door, yo may ventur to put yor hand i' yor +pocket; an' happy he must feel 'at can allus find as mich thear as'll +do. But its time enuff to think abaat that sooart o' thing when it +comes; we've plenty to do nah to think abaat plum pudding an' rooast +beef—an' aw hooap at iverybody 'at reads this may have enuff +an' to +spare. If aw could do owt to help yo to enjoy yorsen, awm sure aw +wod, but as that's aat o' mi paar, just afoor aw leave for another +twelve months aw'll gie yo a tooast, an' aw hooap yo'll all drink a +bumper to it. Here gooas! Fill up to th' brim! Are yo ready? Here's +off!</p> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">God bless ivery one +raand yor table</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Wi' plenty to ait an' to +spare;</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">God bless yo an' mak yo +all able</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To enjoy what may fall +to yor share.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">God bless yo wi health +an' wi riches,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">God bless yo wi hearts +'at can feel</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For the poor, when cold +poverty twitches.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">God bless them sometimes +wi' a meal.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">God bless them 'at's +climbin' life's mountain,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Full ov hooaps 'at they +niver may craan,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' refresh from Thy +cool soothin' fountain,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Those who paddle +resignedly daan.</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">An' tho' in death's +mist-shrouded valley</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Our friends we may lose +for a while,</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">God grant that at last +all may rally</span><br> + +<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Where sunleet shall fade +in His smile.<br> + +<br> + +</span> +<p>Gooid-bye!</p> + +<h4><a name="Scientific."></a>Scientific.</h4> + +<p>After the annual excursion of the Lowly Dale Scientific +Society, the +members were addressed by Mr. Evertrot Gagthorp. New specimens, the +product of their recent journey, now enrich the Museum: viz. +In Geology—Limestone, pumice stone, soft stone, white stone, +plum +stone, and cherry stone. +Conchology—Egg shell Tortoise shell nut shell and satchel. +Botany—Corn flour, grog blossom, and many leaves from the +book of +nature. +Entomology—a swallow tail had been obtained, but the +president going +to a dress party, had got the loan of it.</p> + +<h4><a name="Valentine_Dream."></a>Valentine +Dream.</h4> + +<p>"On Valentine's day, will a gooid gooise lay," is a varry old +sayin', +an' aw dare say a varry gooid en; an' if all th' geese wod nobbut lay +o' that day ther'd be moor chonce o' eggs bein' cheap. But it isn't +th' geese we think on at th' fourteenth o' this month i'ts th' little +ducks, an' th' billy dux. A'a aw wish aw'd all th' brass 'at's spent +o' valentines for one year; aw wodn't thank th' queen to be mi aunt. +Ther's nobdy sends me valentines nah. Aw've known th' time when they +did, but aw'm like a old stage cooach, aw'm aat o' date. Aw'st niver +forget th' furst valentine aw had sent. Th' pooastman browt it afoor +aw'd getten aat o' bed, an' it happen'd to be Sunday mornin'. Aw read +it ovver an' ovver agean, an' aw luk'd at th' directions an' th' +pooast mark, but aw cudn't make aat for mi life who'd sent it; but +whoiver it war aw wor detarmined to fall i' love wi' her as soain as +aw gate to know. Then aw shov'd it under th' piller an' shut mi een +an' tried to fancy what sooart ov a lass shoo must be, an' someha aw +fell asleep, an' aw dremt, but aw willn't tell yo what aw dremt for +fear yo'll laff. But when aw wakken'd, aw sowt up an' daan, but +nowhere could aw find th' valentine. Aw wor ommost heartbrokken, an' +aw pool'd all th' cloas off th' bed, an' aw luk'd under it, an' ovver +it, but net a bit on it could aw see, an' at last aw began to fancy +'at aw must ha dremt all th' lot, an' 'at aw'd niver had one sent at +all; but when aw wor gettin' mi breeches on, blow me! if it worn' t +stuck fast wi a wafer to mi shirt lap. What her 'at sent it ud a sed +if shoo'd seen it, aw can't tell an' aw wodn't if aw could; but aw +know one thing, aw wor niver i' sich a muck sweeat afoor sin aw wor +born, an' when aw went to mi braikfast aw 'wor soa maddled, wol aw +couldn't tell which wor th' reight end o'th' porridge spooin, but aw +comforted misen at last wi' thinkin' 'at aw worn't th' furst 'at had +turned ther back ov a valentine.</p> + + +<pre> + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Yorkshire Ditties, First Series, by John Hartley + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK YORKSHIRE DITTIES, FIRST SERIES *** + +***** This file should be named 17472-h.htm or 17472-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/4/7/17472/ + +Produced by David Fawthrop + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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