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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Berry And Co. + +Author: Dornford Yates + +Release Date: January 5, 2006 [EBook #17469] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BERRY AND CO. *** + + + + +Produced by Hilary Caws-Elwitt, in honor of Peter Caws + + + + + +</pre> + +<h3>BERRY AND CO.</h3> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p class="u"><b>BY THE SAME AUTHOR</b></p> + +<p> +<i>Published by Ward, Lock & Co.:—</i><br /> + BERRY AND CO.<br /> + JONAH AND CO.<br /> + MAIDEN STAKES.<br /> + THE STOLEN MARCH.<br /> + ANTHONY LYVEDEN.<br /> + VALERIE FRENCH.<br /> + AND FIVE WERE FOOLISH.<br /> + AS OTHER MEN ARE.<br /> + THE BROTHER OF DAPHNE.<br /> + THE COURTS OF IDLENESS.<br /> +</p> + +<p> +<i>Published by Hodder & Stoughton:—</i><br /> + BLIND CORNER.<br /> + PERISHABLE GOODS.<br /> + BLOOD ROYAL.<br /> + FIRE BELOW.<br /> + ADÈLE AND CO.<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h1>BERRY AND CO.</h1> + +<h3>BY</h3> + +<h2>DORNFORD YATES</h2> + + +<h5>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h5> + +<h6>LONDON AND MELBOURNE</h6> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h6>PRINTED IN GREAT BRITAIN BY PURNELL AND SONS<br /> +PAULTON (SOMERSET) AND LONDON</h6> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<p><i><span class="smcap">Dear Valerie,</span></i></p> + +<p><i>When a writer admits that he has an affection +for something which he has written, it is high time to +pray for his soul. Yet I make bold to confess that +there are in this book some passages which I hold dear—a +seeming vanity, which must be explained.</i></p> + +<p><i>Many times you have found me at work upon these +chapters. Often you have taken ill-written pages of +manuscript from my table and, sitting down in a chair, +deciphered them for what they were worth. Once or +twice, whilst you read, you have fallen into silvery +laughter.</i></p> + +<p><i>Do you wonder that I treasure the sentences which +drew forth such music?</i></p> + +<p><i>This is my dedication.</i></p> + +<p><i>As many as see you are glad of the sight. All who +know you are proud of the honour. But the man +whose efforts your mirth has commended is the proudest +and happiest of the lot.</i></p> + +<p><i>Need I say that your name is not Valerie? I +think not. You will know whom I mean.</i></p> + +<p><i>Most faithfully yours,</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="smcap">Dornford Yates</span>.</i></p> + +<p><i>Pau, November, 1920.</i></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p> +CONTENTS</p> + +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_I"><b>I <span class="smcap">How Will Noggin was Fooled, and Berry +Rode Forth against his Will</span></b></a></p> +<p><a href="#CHAPTER_II"><b>II <span class="smcap">How Daphne Wrote for Assistance, and +Mr. Holly was Outbid</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_III"><b>III <span class="smcap">How a Man may Follow his own Hat, and +Berry took a Lamp in his Hand</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_IV"><b>IV <span class="smcap">How Nobby came to Sleep upon my Bed, and +Berry fell among Thieves</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_V"><b>V <span class="smcap">How Jill's Education was Improved, and +Daphne gave her Husband the Slip</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_VI"><b>VI <span class="smcap">How Nobby Attended a Wedding, and Berry +Spoke Nothing but the Truth</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_VII"><b>VII <span class="smcap">How Jonah Obeyed his Orders, and Daphne +and Katharine Festival Backed The +same Horse</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_VIII"><b>VIII <span class="smcap">How Jill Slept Undisturbed, and Nobby +Attended Church Parade</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_IX"><b>IX <span class="smcap">How Adèle Feste Arrived, and Mr. Dunkelsbaum +Supped with the Devil</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_X"><b>X <span class="smcap">How Adèle Broke her Dream, and Vandy +Pleydell Took Exercise</span></b></a></p> +<p> +<a href="#CHAPTER_XI"><b>XI <span class="smcap">How Nobby Met Blue Bandala, and Adèle +Gave Jonah A Kiss</span></b></a> +</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I</h2> + +<p>HOW WILL NOGGIN WAS FOOLED, AND BERRY RODE +FORTH AGAINST HIS WILL.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">"W</span>ho's going to church?" said Daphne, consulting +her wrist-watch.</p> + +<p>There was a profound silence.</p> + +<p>My sister turned to Jill.</p> + +<p>"Are you coming?" she said. "Berry and I are."</p> + +<p>"I beg your pardon," said her husband.</p> + +<p>"Of course you're coming," said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"Not in these trousers. This is the first time I've +worn them, and I'm not going to kneel in them for any +one."</p> + +<p>"Then you'll change," said his wife. "You've plenty +of time."</p> + +<p>Berry groaned.</p> + +<p>"This is sheer Bolshevism," he said. "Is not my +soul my own?"</p> + +<p>"We shall start," said Daphne, "in twenty minutes."</p> + +<p>It was nearly half-past ten in the morning of a beautiful +summer day, and we were all taking our ease in the +sunshine upon the terrace. It was the first Sunday +which we had spent all together at White Ladies for +nearly five years.</p> + +<p>So far as the eye could see, nothing had changed.</p> + +<p>At the foot of the steps the great smooth lawn +stretched like a fine green carpet, its shadowed patches +yet bright with dew. There were the tall elms and the +copper beech and all the proud company of spreading +giants—what were five years to them? There was the +clump of rhododendrons, a ragged blotch of crimson, +seemingly spilled upon the green turf, and there the +close box hedge that walled away the rose-garden. +Beyond the sunk fence a gap showed an acre or so of +Bull's Mead—a great deep meadow, and in it two horses +beneath a chestnut tree, their long tails a-swish, sleepily +nosing each other to rout the flies; while in the distance +the haze of heat hung like a film over the rolling hills. +Close at hand echoed the soft impertinence of a cuckoo, +and two fat wood-pigeons waddled about the lawn, +picking and stealing as they went. The sky was cloudless, +and there was not a breath of wind.</p> + +<p>The stable clock chimed the half-hour.</p> + +<p>My sister returned to the attack.</p> + +<p>"Are you coming, Boy?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said I. "I am."</p> + +<p>Berry sat up and stared at me.</p> + +<p>"Don't be silly," he said. "There's a service this +morning. Besides, they've changed the lock of the +poor-box."</p> + +<p>"I want to watch the Vicar's face when he sees you," +said I.</p> + +<p>"It will be a bit of a shock," said Jonah, looking +up from the paper. "Is his heart all right?"</p> + +<p>"Rotten," said Daphne. "But that doesn't matter. +I sent him a note to warn him yesterday."</p> + +<p>"What did you say?" demanded her husband.</p> + +<p>"I said, '<i>We're back at last, and—don't faint—we're +all coming to Church to-morrow, and you've got to come +back to lunch.</i>' And now, for goodness' sake, go and +change."</p> + +<p>"But we shall perspire," said Berry. "Profusely. +To walk half a mile in this sun is simply asking for it. +Besides——"</p> + +<p>"What's the car done?" said Jonah. "I'm going, +and I can't hurry with this." He tapped his short leg +affectionately. "We needn't take Fitch. Boy or I can +drive."</p> + +<p>"Right oh," said my sister, rising. "Is ten-minutes-to +early enough?"</p> + +<p>Jonah nodded.</p> + +<p>"This," said Berry, "is a conspiracy for which you +will all pay. Literally. I shall take the plate round, +and from you four I shall accept nothing but paper. +Possibly I shall——"</p> + +<p>Here the girls fell upon him and bore him protesting +into the house and out of earshot.</p> + +<p>"Who's going to look after the car while we're in +church?" said I.</p> + +<p>"There's sure to be somebody ready to earn a couple +of bob," said Jonah. "Besides, we can always disconnect +the north-east trunnion, or jack her up and put +the wheels in the vestry or something."</p> + +<p>"All right. Only we don't want her pinched." +With a yawn I rose to my feet. "And now I suppose +I'd better go and turn her out."</p> + +<p>"Right oh," said Jonah, picking up his paper again.</p> + +<p>I strolled into the house.</p> + +<p>We were proud of the car. She was a 1914 Rolls, and +we had bought her at a long price less than a week ago. +Fresh from the coach-builder's, her touring body was +painted silver-grey, while her bonnet was of polished +aluminium. Fitted with every conceivable accessory, +she was very good-looking, charming alike to ride or +drive, and she went like the wind. In a word, she did +as handsome as she was.</p> + +<p>It was eight minutes to eleven as we slid past the +lodge and on to the Bilberry road.</p> + +<p>Before we had covered two furlongs, we swung round +a corner to see a smart two-seater at rest by the dusty +hedgerow, and a slight dark girl in fresh blue and white +standing with one foot on the step, wiping her dainty +fingers on a handful of cotton-waste.</p> + +<p>"Agatha!" cried Daphne and Jill. "Stop, Boy, +stop!"</p> + +<p>Obediently I slowed to a standstill, as my lady came +running after us.</p> + +<p>"You might have told me," she panted. "I never +knew you were back. And I am so glad."</p> + +<p>"We only arrived on Friday, dear," said Daphne, and +introduced Berry and me. Jonah, it appeared, had met +Miss Deriot at tennis in 1914.</p> + +<p>"But you had your hair down then," he said gravely.</p> + +<p>"It's a wonder I haven't got it down now," said Miss +Deriot. "Why didn't you come along ten minutes +earlier? Then you could have changed my tire."</p> + +<p>"And why are you driving away from church?" said +Jill.</p> + +<p>"One of the colts has sprained his shoulder, and +we're out of embrocation; so I'm going to get some +from Brooch."</p> + +<p>"I'll come with you," said Berry eagerly, preparing +to leave the car. "I don't like to think of you——"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said Daphne, detaining him.</p> + +<p>"But supposing she has another puncture?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, I can see you mending it on a day like +this."</p> + +<p>"It's very kind of you," said Miss Deriot, with a +puzzled smile.</p> + +<p>"Don't thank the fool," said my sister. "If I +thought he'd be the slightest use to you, I'd send him; +but he only wants an excuse to get out of going to +church."</p> + +<p>"Poor Jade," said her husband. "I am a knight, +a simple starlit knight, a Quixote of to-day. Your +brutish instincts——"</p> + +<p>"Carry on, Boy," said Daphne. I let in the clutch. +"And come over this afternoon, Agatha, and we'll tell +you all about everything."</p> + +<p>"Yes, do," cried Jill.</p> + +<p>"All right," said Miss Deriot. "So long."</p> + +<p>Three minutes later I was berthing the car close to +the lich-gate in the shade of sweet-smelling limes, that +made a trembling screen of foliage within the churchyard +wall.</p> + +<p>As luck would have it, Will Noggin, once a groom in +our service and now a trooper of the Dragoon Guards, +was leaning lazily against the grey wall, taking his ease. +As we drew abreast of him, he stood to attention and +saluted, a pleased grin of recognition lighting his healthy +face. We greeted him gladly.</p> + +<p>"Glad to see you're all right, Will," said Jill.</p> + +<p>"Thank you, miss."</p> + +<p>"Aren't you going to church?" said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"Not to-day, m'm. I'm on leave, and I've 'ad my +share o' church parades i' the last four years, m'm."</p> + +<p>We all laughed.</p> + +<p>"Well, if you're not going," said I, "we want some +one to keep an eye on the car."</p> + +<p>"I'll do it gladly, sir."</p> + +<p>"Right oh! She's a pretty piece of goods, isn't +she?"</p> + +<p>"She is that, sir," said Will, visibly impressed.</p> + +<p>As I followed the others into the porch, I glanced +back to see our sentinel walking about his charge, +bending an appreciative gaze upon her points.</p> + +<p>They were singing the <i>Venite</i>.</p> + +<p>On the ledge of our old pew lay a note addressed +to "Major Pleydell" in the Vicar's handwriting. +When Berry had read it he passed it to Daphne, and +I was able to read it over her shoulder.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Dear Major,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Sometimes in the old days you used to read the +Lessons. I think we should all like it if you would +do so to-day; but don't, if you don't want to.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours very sincerely,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">John Bagot.</span></i></p> + +<p>In a postscript the writer named the appointed +passages of Holy Writ.</p> + +<p>So soon as the first Psalm had started Berry stepped +to the lectern, found his places and cast his eye over +the text. Before the second Psalm was finished, he was +once more in his place.</p> + +<p>Doors and windows were open as wide as they could +be set, and the little church was flooded with light +and fresh warm air, that coaxed the edge from the +chill of thick stone walls and pillars, and made the +frozen pavements cool and refreshing. Mustiness +was clean gone, swept from her frequent haunts by +the sweet breath of Nature. The "dim, religious +light" of Milton's ordering was this day displaced by +Summer's honest smile, simpler maybe, but no less +reverent. And, when the singing was stilled, you +overheard the ceaseless sleepy murmur of that country +choir of birds and beasts and insects that keeps its +rare contented symphony for summer days in which +you can find no fault.</p> + +<p>My impious eye wandered affectionately over familiar +friends—the old oak pews, almost chin-high, the Spanish +organ, the reluctant gift of a proud galleon wrecked +on the snarling coast ten miles away, the old "three-decker" +with its dull crimson cushions and the fringed +cloths that hung so stiffly. A shaft of sunlight beat +full on an old black hatchment, making known the +faded quarterings, while, underneath, a slender panel +of brass, but two years old, showed that the teaching of +its grim forbear had not been vain.</p> + +<p>For so fair a morning, Bilberry village had done well. +The church was two-thirds full, and, though there +were many strange faces, it was pleasant here and +there to recognize one we had known in the old days, +and to learn from an involuntary smile that we had +not been forgotten.</p> + +<p>It was just after the beginning of the Second Lesson +that we heard the engine start. There was no mistaking +the purr of our Rolls-Royce. For a second the girls +and Jonah and I stared at one another, panic-stricken. +Then with one impulse we all started instinctively to +our feet. As I left the pew I heard Daphne whisper, +"Hsh! We can't all——" and she and Jonah and +Jill sank back twittering. Berry's eyes met mine +for an instant as I stepped into the aisle. They spoke +volumes, but to his eternal credit his voice never +faltered.</p> + +<p>I almost ran to the porch, and I reached the lich-gate +to see our beautiful car, piloted by a man in a grey +hat, scudding up the straight white road, while in her +wake tore a gesticulating trooper, shouting impotently, +ridiculously out-distanced. Even as I watched, the +car flashed round a bend and disappeared.</p> + +<p>For a moment I stood still in the middle of the road, +stupefied. Then I heard a horn sounded behind me, +and I mechanically stepped to one side. Fifty yards +away was the two-seater we had encountered on our +way to church.</p> + +<p>Frantically I signalled to the girl at the wheel. +As I did so, a burst of music signified that the Second +Lesson had come to an end.</p> + +<p>"Whatever's the matter?" cried Miss Deriot, as +she pulled up.</p> + +<p>"Somebody's pinched the Rolls. Will you——"</p> + +<p>"Of course. Get in. Which way did they go?"</p> + +<p>"Straight ahead," said I, opening the door.</p> + +<p>We were well under way before I had taken my +seat. As we came to the bend I threw a glance over +my shoulder, to see four figures that I knew standing +without the lich-gate. They appeared to be arguing. +As we turned the corner a stentorian voice yelled—</p> + +<p>"The Bloodstock road, sir! I can see their blinkin' +dust."</p> + +<p>Perched on one of the lower branches of a wayside +oak, Will Noggin was pointing a shaking finger in the +direction he named.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>We were less than three miles from Bloodstock +when the off hind tire burst. Miss Deriot brought the +car to the side of the road and stopped in the shadow +of an old barn.</p> + +<p>"That," she said, "has just done it."</p> + +<p>I opened the door and stepped down into the road.</p> + +<p>"It means a delay when we least want it," said I +ruefully.</p> + +<p>"Worse. I've had one burst already, and I only +brought one spare wheel."</p> + +<p>I whistled.</p> + +<p>"Then we are indeed done," said I. "I'm awfully +sorry. Heaven knows how far you are from your +home. This comes of helping a comparative stranger. +Let it be a lesson to you."</p> + +<p>My companion smiled.</p> + +<p>"I don't mind for myself," she said, "but what about +your car?"</p> + +<p>I spread out my hands.</p> + +<p>"Reason dictates that I should foot-slog it to +Bloodstock and try and get the police moving; but +I can't leave you here."</p> + +<p>"You can easily, but you're not going to. I don't +want to sit here for the rest of the day." She pointed +to the barn. "Help me to get her in here, and then +we'll push off to Bloodstock together."</p> + +<p>A hurried reconnaissance led to the discovery of a +little farmhouse, and two minutes later I was making +urgent representations to the owner of the barn. To +our relief the latter proved sympathetic and obliging, +and before we again took to the road the two-seater +was safely under lock and key.</p> + +<p>"And now," said Miss Deriot, "how did it happen?"</p> + +<p>"The theft? I can't imagine. We left that fool +who yelled at us in charge. I suppose he left her to +get a drink or something. This is only the fourth time +we've had her out," I added gloomily.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I say! Never mind. You're bound to get +her again. Look at that meadow-sweet. Isn't it +lovely? I wish I could paint. Can you?"</p> + +<p>"I painted a key-cupboard once. It was hung, too. +Outside the stillroom."</p> + +<p>"Pity you didn't keep it up," said Miss Deriot. +"It's a shame to waste talent like that. Isn't it just +broiling? I should love a bathe now."</p> + +<p>"I hope you don't wear stockings in the water," +said I.</p> + +<p>Miss Deriot glanced at her white ankles.</p> + +<p>"Is that a reflection?" she demanded.</p> + +<p>I shook my head.</p> + +<p>"By no manner of means. But there's a place +for everything, isn't there? I mean——"</p> + +<p>We both laughed.</p> + +<p>"That's better," said my companion. "I couldn't +bear to see you so worried this beautiful morning."</p> + +<p>"My dear," said I, "you've a nice kind heart, and +I thank you."</p> + +<p>"Don't mention it," said Miss Deriot.</p> + +<p>From the crown of her broad-brimmed hat to the +soles of her buckskin shoes she was the pink of daintiness. +Health was springing in her fresh cheeks, eagerness +danced in her eyes, energy leapt from her carriage. +Had she been haughty, you would have labelled her +"Diana," and have done with it; but her eyes were +gentle, and there was a tenderness about her small +mouth that must have pardoned Actæon. A plain gold +wrist-watch on a black silk strap was all her jewellery.</p> + +<p>"We'd better strike across the next field," said Miss +Deriot. "There's a path that'll bring us out opposite +<i>The Thatcher</i>. It'll save us about five minutes."</p> + +<p>"You might have been born here," said I.</p> + +<p>"I was," said Agatha. She nodded towards a +beech wood that stood a furlong away. "The trees +hide the house. But we left when I was seven, and +only came back to the County five years ago. And +here's our field."</p> + +<p>The five-barred gate was padlocked. I looked at +my companion.</p> + +<p>"Shall I get over, advance ten paces, and gaze +Into the middle distance? Or aren't you that sort?"</p> + +<p>Miss Deriot flung back her head and laughed.</p> + +<p>"I'd rather you gave me a leg up," she said.</p> + +<p>With a hand on my shoulder and a foot in my +hand she was up and over in an instant. I vaulted +after her.</p> + +<p>"You know," I said, "we ought to perform, you and +I. With a painter's ladder, a slack wire, and a little +practice, we should do wonders. On non-matinée +days I might even lift you with my teeth. That +always goes well, and no one would know you were +as light as a rose-leaf."</p> + +<p>"Seven stone three in the bathroom," said Agatha. +"Without stockings. Some rose-leaf."</p> + +<p>We were going uphill. The meadow through which +we were passing sloped to an oaken fence, stoutly +constructed to save the cattle from a perilous fall. +For on its farther side the ground fell away sheer, so +that at this point a bluff formed one high wall of the +sunken road for which we were making. <i>The Thatcher</i>, +I remembered, stood immediately opposite to the rough +grass-grown steps, hewn years ago for the convenience of +such passengers as we. There was a stile set in the +fence, and as I swung myself over I glanced down past +the edge of the bluff and into the road below.</p> + +<p>In the little curved space that fronted the inn the +Rolls was standing silent and unoccupied.</p> + +<p>I must have exclaimed, for Agatha was over the stile +In an instant, and asking me what was the matter. +Then she saw, and the words died on her lips. Together +we stood spell-bound.</p> + +<p>The door of the inn was shut, and there was no one in +sight.</p> + +<p>My first impulse was to dart down the steps, beat +upon the door of the tavern, and confront the thief. +But valour yielded to discretion. The great thing was +to recover the car. I had but a slip of a girl with me, +the spot was a lonely one, and it was more than likely +that the highwayman was not working alone. Besides, +Agatha must not be involved in any violence.</p> + +<p>I turned to my lady.</p> + +<p>"You stay here. I'm going to take her and drive +straight to the police-station. I'll pick up some police +and come back just as quickly as ever I can."</p> + +<p>Miss Deriot shook her pretty head.</p> + +<p>"I'm coming with you," she said. "Carry on."</p> + +<p>"But, my dear——"</p> + +<p>"I often wish I wasn't so obstinate." She spoke +meditatively. "But we're all like that. Mules aren't +in it with the Deriots," she added, with a dazzling +smile.</p> + +<p>"Neither, apparently, are cucumbers," said I, and +with that I began to descend the rough stairs, stepping +as delicately as I could.</p> + +<p>Half-way down I turned to look at my companion, +and at that moment the step upon which I was standing +gave way. The scrambling sounds which proclaimed +my fall were followed by the rasping protest of yielding +cloth, and I came to rest six feet from the road at the +expense of a pre-War coat, which had caught the corner +of one of the unplaned risers. All had been so still, +that in that hollow place the noise could not have failed +to attract the attention of any one who was within +earshot, and I lay for a moment where I had fallen, +straining my ears for the sound of footsteps or +voices.</p> + +<p>"Are you all right?" whispered a soft voice above +me.</p> + +<p>I turned my head and nodded. Miss Deriot, standing +with clasped hands, heaved a sigh of relief and prepared +to continue her descent.</p> + +<p>Gingerly I stepped down into the sandy road and +started to cross it a-tiptoe.</p> + +<p>Facing towards Bloodstock, the car presented her off +side to us.</p> + +<p>With the utmost caution I proceeded to induct myself +into the driver's seat. As I sat down, Miss Deriot +slipped in front of the bonnet and round to the near +side. She was opening the high side-door and my foot +was on the self-starter, when I heard the murmur of +voices.</p> + +<p>We were not a second too soon.</p> + +<p>The moment I had started the engine there was a +cry followed by the clattering of heavy shoes upon +cobbles, and as the car slid into the road a man in a grey +hat came tearing out of the inn's courtyard, waving his +arms and yelling like one possessed. Hard on his heels +came pounding his supporters, three of them, all bellowing +like bulls.</p> + +<p>So much I saw for myself. Agatha, kneeling on the +seat by my side, kept me informed of their movements +till we swept out of sight.</p> + +<p>"He's simply dancing. The one in the grey hat, I +mean. Now he's shaking his fist at us. Oh, he's mad. +He's thrown his hat on the ground. O-o-o, Boy, he's +trying to kick one of the others. Oh, I wish you could +see...." The merry voice dissolved into peals of +laughter.</p> + +<p>Then the road curled, and Agatha turned left about +and settled herself by my side.</p> + +<p>"How did you know my Christian name?" I +demanded.</p> + +<p>"Your sister used it this morning. You see, I've +forgotten your other, and I can't keep on saying 'you.' +But I won't do it again."</p> + +<p>"Please, Agatha."</p> + +<p>"Deriot. One 'r.' I say, you've torn your coat +properly."</p> + +<p>"It feels as if it was in two pieces," said I.</p> + +<p>"If it wasn't for the collar, it would be," said Agatha. +"Never mind. Bare backs are still fashionable. And +what's a torn coat, when you've got the car again?"</p> + +<p>"You're right," I agreed. "You'd hardly believe it," +I added, "but I can tell from the feel of her that some +stranger's been driving."</p> + +<p>"I can believe it. After all, a car's just like a horse."</p> + +<p>As she spoke, we sped into the market square of +Bloodstock. The police station stood in Love Lane, +a couple of streets away.</p> + +<p>Here a disappointment was in store. The sole +representative of the Law was a station sergeant in +his shirt-sleeves and a state of profuse perspiration. +Between his lips was a penholder, and he held a telephone +receiver to his left ear. In an adjoining room the +bell of another telephone was ringing violently in long +regular spasms, while, somewhere quite close, a dog was +giving ceaseless vent to those short sharp barks which +denote impatience of detention.</p> + +<p>A sudden elevation of the sergeant's eyebrows invited +me to state my business, but before I had spoken two +sentences he shifted the penholder from his mouth and +shook his head.</p> + +<p>"'Fraid I can't 'elp you at the moment, sir. That's +the third car what's been stole in this distric' this +mornin'. There's a 'ole gang of 'em about. Every one +excep' me's out after 'em now. 'Eaven knows when +they'll come in. An' there's that other telephone goin' +like mad, an' the Chief Constable's lef' his bull-dawg tied +up there, an' 'e won't let me within six foot of it." He +turned to blare into the mouthpiece. "'Ullo! 'Oo +<i>are</i> you? 'Oo <i>are</i> you? Wot! Oh, I can't bear it. +'Ere, for 'Eaven's sake, 'old the line." He set down the +receiver, shook the sweat out of his eyes, and sank on to +a stool. "Another blinkin' car gone," he said hoarsely. +"I dunno wot's the matter with the world. I wish I +was back in France."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Love Lane was a narrow street, so I did not attempt +to turn the car, but drove on and presently out of the +town by back streets on to the Bilberry road.</p> + +<p>It would have been better if I had telephoned to +White Ladies before leaving Bloodstock, to announce +my recovery of the car; but I was expecting to be back +there so soon that it seemed unnecessary.</p> + +<p>Indeed, it was only when we were once more under +way that I thought of the colt and the embrocation, to +say nothing of my lady's two-seater, now standing +helpless in the gloom of the wayside barn.</p> + +<p>"I tell you what," said I. "We'll drive to the barn +and pick up the lotion, and then I'll take you home. +Then I can run your chauffeur back to the barn with +a spare cover, drop him there, and push off to White +Ladies."</p> + +<p>"I can improve on that," said Agatha, with a glance +at her wrist. "It'll be past one by the time we get +home, so you must stay to lunch. You can telephone to +White Ladies from there. And afterwards I'll go back +with you—I was to come over this afternoon, wasn't I?—and +we can drop the chauffeur at the barn on the way. +And he can come for me in the evening."</p> + +<p>Agatha was living at Broadacre, a fine old place on +the edge of the forest itself, and thither we came without +incident, just as an old-fashioned gong was summoning +the household to meat.</p> + +<p>Admiral and Mrs. Deriot were kindness itself. First +I was given a long, cold, grateful drink. Then the old +sailor led me to his own chamber and ministered personally +to my wants. My coat was given to a maid to be +roughly stitched, and when I appeared at luncheon it was +in a jacket belonging to my host. Our story was told +and retold, the lawlessness of the year of Grace 1919 was +bewailed, and a violent denunciation of motor-thieves +was succeeded by a bitter proscription of the County +Police.</p> + +<p>In the midst of my entertainment I remembered that +I had not telephoned to White Ladies, but the servant +sent to make the connection was informed by the Exchange +that the line was out of order.</p> + +<p>"I expect it's fused," said I. "With Berry at one +end and that station sergeant at the other, the strain +must have been fearful."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It was half-past two before we were once more in the +car. On the back seat sat the Deriots' chauffeur, holding +a spare wheel between his knees.</p> + +<p>It did not take us long to reach the barn, and, so soon +as we had once more unearthed the farmer, authorized +him to suffer the chauffeur to remove the two-seater, and +discharged our debt for "accommodation," I turned +the Rolls round and headed for White Ladies.</p> + +<p>"She's certainly a beautiful car," said Agatha, as the +Rolls sailed up a treacherously steep gradient on top. +"It's like being in a lift."</p> + +<p>"And, but for you, we might never have seen her +again. Shall I give you a stamp album, or would you +like to drive?"</p> + +<p>"D'you really mean that?" said Miss Deriot.</p> + +<p>I shot her a glance. There was no mistaking the +eagerness of her parted lips and the sparkle of her gay +brown eyes. By way of replying I brought the car to +a standstill. A moment later we had changed places.</p> + +<p>"It's awfully kind of you," said Agatha delightedly, +as she let in the clutch. "I've always wanted to drive +a Rolls. I hope I shan't hurt her."</p> + +<p>"You'll do her good," said I. "I watched you in +the two-seater. You've got beautiful hands."</p> + +<p>"Thank you, Boy."</p> + +<p>"Now you shall have a stamp album as well. Go +carefully here. There used to be a wasps' nest in that +bank, but it's closed now, same as the German banks. +What a war!"</p> + +<p>"But I don't collect stamps."</p> + +<p>"Then she shall have a dog. What about a Sealyham +to sleep on your bed and bite the postman?"</p> + +<p>"I'd love one," said Agatha.</p> + +<p>"And you'll sit up in bed in the morning, with your +hair all about your eyes, and smile at him, and he'll +growl back at you—I can just see you."</p> + +<p>"Thanks awfully. But you're wrong about my +hair."</p> + +<p>"Is it never unruly?"</p> + +<p>"Only by day. I wish to goodness I could wear it +down."</p> + +<p>"So do I. Then we could all sit on it when the +grass was wet. At the moment there's a particularly +beautiful tress caressing your left shoulder. And I +think you ought to know that the wind is kissing it +quite openly. It's all very embarrassing. I hope I +shan't catch it," I added cheerfully.</p> + +<p>Miss Deriot made a supreme effort to look severe.</p> + +<p>"If you do," she said uncertainly, "I shall drive +straight into the horse-pond."</p> + +<p>"'Sh!" said I reprovingly. "You oughtn't to +jest about such things. You might catch it yourself. +Easily." Here we passed the horse-pond. "You +know you'll never be able to look fierce so long as you +have that dimple. You'll have to fill it up or something. +I suppose it's full of dew every morning now."</p> + +<p>Without a word Agatha slowed down, turned up a +by-road, and stopped. Then she proceeded to back +the car.</p> + +<p>"What on earth is she doing?" said I.</p> + +<p>She turned a glowing face to mine.</p> + +<p>"Going back to the horse-pond," she flashed.</p> + +<p>I laid a hand on her arm and she stopped.</p> + +<p>"My dear, if you must have a bath, you shall have +one directly you get to White Ladies. I'll turn on the +water for you. But let me beg of you——"</p> + +<p>"If I go on, will you promise to behave?"</p> + +<p>"Faithfully."</p> + +<p>"And fold your arms and sit like a groom all the +way?"</p> + +<p>"I suppose you couldn't make it a footman. Then +I could stand on the petrol tank. However, as it's +your birthday——"</p> + +<p>I folded my arms with a sigh. Instantly Agatha +leaned towards me with a dazzling smile.</p> + +<p>"Good Boy," she said in a caressing tone. "Now +he shall have a stamp album."</p> + +<p>"But I don't collect stamps."</p> + +<p>The smile deepened. But for her red mouth, her +little white teeth would have been the prettiest things +in the world.</p> + +<p>"Well, I'd thought of a stamp album," she said +slowly. "However, as it's your birthday——"</p> + +<p>A minute later we were back in the main road.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>By my direction Miss Deriot drove straight to the +stables, and we left the car standing in the middle of +the yard.</p> + +<p>As we walked round to the front of the house, +"We won't tell the others that we've found her just +yet," said I. "We'll hear what they've got to say +first."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps they're all out looking for her," said +Agatha.</p> + +<p>"Not all. Daphne's sure to be here somewhere."</p> + +<p>As I spoke we rounded a clump of laurels to see the +lady in question comfortably ensconced in a deck-chair +upon the lawn. By her side was Jill, seated upon a +cushion, one little foot tucked under her, nursing the +other's instep with her slim, brown hand. On a rug +at her feet lay Jonah, his chin propped between his +two palms and a pipe in his mouth.</p> + +<p>All three were gazing contentedly across the grass +to where the drive swept wide to the foot of the broad +grey steps. <i>There stood a handsome Rolls-Royce, the +facsimile of the one from which we had just alighted.</i></p> + +<p>With a great gasp Agatha stopped dead, and I +recoiled as from a spectre. Instinctively we clasped +one another.</p> + +<p>"It's all right," I whispered. "I've seen it too. +It'll go away in a moment. Shows what imagination +will do."</p> + +<p>"But—but it's real!" cried Agatha.</p> + +<p>"Real enough, my lady," said Jonah's voice. He +seemed to be speaking from a great distance. "And +I'll bet you never expected to see her again so soon," +he added, looking at me with a smile.</p> + +<p>"To tell you the truth," said I, "we didn't."</p> + +<p>As in a dream I watched a dazed and stammering +Agatha made welcome and set in a chair by my sister's +side. Somebody—Jill, I fancy—led me to the rug +and persuaded me to sit down. Mechanically I started +to fumble for a cigarette. Then I heard Jonah talking, +and I came to my senses.</p> + +<p>"We thought you'd be surprised," he was saying, +"but I didn't think it'd take you like this. After all, +there's nothing uncanny about it."</p> + +<p>"But I don't understand——"</p> + +<p>"Listen. Will Noggin was sitting in the car when he +heard a crash, and there was a fellow lying in the +middle of the road, about fifty yards away, with a +push-bike beside him. Naturally Will jumped out and +ran to his help. The man seemed to be having a fit, +and Will was just loosening his collar, when he heard the +engine start and saw the Rolls moving. He left the +chap in the road and ran like mad, but he was too +late. Nobody ever saw the fellow with the push-bike +again. Of course he was one of the gang, and his fall +was a put-up job to get Will out of the way. Pretty +smart—what?</p> + +<p>"Well, you hadn't been gone five minutes when +Fitch arrived on his motor-bike. He'd come to bring +us a can of petrol, for after we'd left he remembered +the tank was almost empty.</p> + +<p>"That gave me a bit of hope. If they stuck to the +main road you were pretty well bound to catch them, +for Fitch swore they'd never get five miles. But, of +course, they might turn off. So I thought the rest +of us had better follow and search the by-roads for all +we were worth. So I sat on Fitch's carrier with the +can under one arm, and Daphne commandeered the +curate's push-bike and sent Berry after us."</p> + +<p>"Isn't he back yet?" said I, looking round.</p> + +<p>"Not yet," said Jonah, with a grin.</p> + +<p>"And doesn't he know she's found?"</p> + +<p>"That pleasure is still awaiting him. Well, Fitch +was right. We left the Bloodstock road for the second +time at Dew Thicket, and at the foot of the hill there +she was, dry as a bone, but as right as rain."</p> + +<p>"Abandoned?"</p> + +<p>"Apparently. Any way, there was no one in sight. +I sent Fitch after you and drove her home. Fitch had +a burst directly he'd left me, and had to walk back to +Bilberry."</p> + +<p>"Is that all?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Well, it's enough, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>"Not nearly," said I, rising to my feet. "Kindly +accompany me to the stables."</p> + +<p>"What d'you mean, Boy?" cried Jill.</p> + +<p>"'Sh!" said I. "Come and see."</p> + +<p>In silence I led the way, Agatha treading solemnly +by my side. As we turned under the archway that +led to the stable-yard—</p> + +<p>"You see," I said carelessly, "we, too, have met +with some success."</p> + +<p>The Rolls was standing where I had left her, waiting +to be backed into the garage.</p> + +<p>My sister gave a cry and caught at Jonah's arm. Jonah +started violently and smothered an exclamation. Jill +put one hand to her eyes, as if to brush away a vision.</p> + +<p>There was a long silence.</p> + +<p>At length I turned to Jonah.</p> + +<p>"I fear that you were hasty, brother. A moment's +reflection will show you that you and Fitch have +spoiled some poor car-owner's day. Let me suggest +that you return your ill-gotten gains to the foot of the +hill beyond Dew Thicket without delay. As a matter +of fact, I know the police are very concerned about this +theft. It was the fourth in this district this morning."</p> + +<p>Fitch came forward, touching his hat.</p> + +<p>"It's a mistake anybody might make, sir. They're +as like as two pins." He pointed to the car. "She's +the spit of ours, she is."</p> + +<p>"Don't be silly," said I. "I admit they're exactly +alike, but that's ours."</p> + +<p>Fitch shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Different chassis number, sir, to say nothing of +the number-plates."</p> + +<p>I stared at him. Then—</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," I said sturdily.</p> + +<p>"It's a fact, sir. The one in the front's ours. I'm +afraid you've stole somebody else's car."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>We had returned to the front of the house and were +wondering what to do, when our attention was attracted +by a sudden outburst of cries and the noise of a car's +tires tearing at the road. This lay but a hundred +odd yards away on the farther side of the brown stream +by which the lawn was edged. For the length of a +cricket pitch the hedgerow bounding the highway was +visible from where we stood, and as this was not more +than four feet high, we were able to observe a scene +which was clearly but the prologue to a drama in which +we were presently to appear.</p> + +<p>Under the explosive directions of a man in a grey +hat, who was standing upright and holding on to the +wind-screen, frantic efforts were being made to turn +what seemed to be a small touring car. Even as we +looked, a savage gesture in our direction suggested that +our friend was identifying the Rolls by our side as +stolen property for the benefit of four individuals who +crouched timorously behind him. To my consternation +I observed that these were no less than an inspector +and three constables of the County Police.</p> + +<p>The next minute the car had been turned round and +was being driven rapidly back to our lodge-gates.</p> + +<p>"Leave them to me," said Jonah quietly. "Go +and sit down on the lawn, all of you. I'll fix them."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"That's the fellow," said Grey Hat, in a shaking +voice, "and that's his accomplice." He pointed a fat +hand at myself and Agatha in turn.</p> + +<p>"I beg your pardon," said Jonah. Grey Hat turned +and looked him up and down. "Were you wanting +anything? I mean, I live here."</p> + +<p>"I don't know who you are," came the reply. +"But that's my car, and those are the people who +stole it."</p> + +<p>"One thing at a time. My name's Mansel."</p> + +<p>"I'm the Chief Constable of the County."</p> + +<p>"Good. Now, about the car. I was under the +impression that it was mine."</p> + +<p>"Don't try and bluff me, sir," roared the other. +"You know perfectly well that that car was stolen +from the outskirts of Bloodstock only a few hours ago. +You're a receiver, sir, a common——" He checked +himself with an effort. "Inspector!" The officer +addressed came forward and saluted. "Caution the +three of them."</p> + +<p>"Hadn't you better identify your property first?" +said Jonah. "I mean, I don't want to interfere, but +if it's a question of our arrest——"</p> + +<p>The inspector hesitated, and the Chief Constable's +face took on a darker shade of red. He was a coarse-looking +man, generously designed and expensively +over-dressed. For a moment I thought he was going to +strike Jonah. Then he caught a heavy underlip in his +teeth, turned on his heel, and strode to the Rolls-Royce.</p> + +<p>He cast a proprietor's eye over her points. Then he +stepped behind her as though to come to her other side. +The next second he was back and shaking his fist in +Jonah's face.</p> + +<p>"So you've had the infernal audacity to alter the +number-plates, have you?" he yelled. "Thought to +bluff me, I suppose. You impudent——"</p> + +<p>"One moment," said Jonah steadily. "Without +looking at the dash, tell me your chassis number. Your +chauffeur should know it."</p> + +<p>"One double seven eight," came parrot-wise from +the lips of the gentleman referred to.</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said Jonah.</p> + +<p>Grey Hat almost ran to the Rolls, tore open the +bonnet, and stared at the dash—stared....</p> + +<p>We waited in a silence so charged with expectancy as +to be almost unbearable.</p> + +<p>At last the Chief Constable straightened his back. +His eyes were bulging and his face redder than ever. +Twice he essayed to speak without success. Then—</p> + +<p>"I said it was my car," said Jonah placidly.</p> + +<p>For a moment Grey Hat stood glaring at him. +Then, muttering something about "a mistake," he +started to lurch towards the police car. As the officers +turned shamefacedly to follow their chief, Jonah's +parade voice rang out.</p> + +<p>"Stop!" At the word of command, master and men +alike stood still where they were. "My friends and +I have been openly accused of felony and threatened +with arrest."</p> + +<p>The Chief Constable swallowed before replying.</p> + +<p>"I was mistaken," he said thickly. "I—I apologize."</p> + +<p>"You mean to say you believed that to be your +car?"</p> + +<p>"I did."</p> + +<p>"Why?"</p> + +<p>"It's exactly like it."</p> + +<p>"There must be some difference."</p> + +<p>"There's no difference at all. If mine were here, +I'd defy you to tell them apart."</p> + +<p>"Do you seriously suggest that I shouldn't know +my own car?"</p> + +<p>"I do."</p> + +<p>"And that such a mistake on my part would be +excusable?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said Jonah. "That excusable mistake +was made this morning. My car was stolen and sought +for. Your car was found. If you will accompany me +to the stables, I shall be happy to restore it to you at +once."</p> + +<p>Grey Hat started forward, his face transfigured with +excitement and relief.</p> + +<p>"You mean to say——" he began.</p> + +<p>"Come, sir," said Jonah icily. "I feel sure that +the ladies will excuse your withdrawal."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It was half an hour later, just when we were finishing +tea, that a cry from Jill made us all turn to follow her +gaze down the curling drive.</p> + +<p>Twenty paces away was Berry, plodding slowly in +our direction, wheeling a tired-looking bicycle. His +clothes were thick with dust, his collar was like a +piece of wet rag, and on his face there was a look of +utter and profound resignation.</p> + +<p>As we started to our feet—</p> + +<p>"Don't touch me," he said. "I'm leading in the +Marathon race. The conditions are fearful. Competitors +are required not only to walk, but at the same +time to propel a bicycle, the hind tire of which must +be deflated. You're only allowed five falls, and I've +used four of them." With a final effort he reached the +edge of the lawn and laid the bicycle gently on its +side. "'How we brought the good news from Aix +to Ghent,'" he continued. "Yes, I see the car, but +I'm not interested. During the last five hours my life +has been so crowded with incident that there is no +room for anything else. Isn't there a cycling club +about here I can join? I've always fancied a grey +sweater."</p> + +<p>"Did I hear you say that you had fallen, brother?" +said I.</p> + +<p>"You did. Four times were these noble limbs +prostrated in the dust. The first time was when the +handle-bars came off. Oh, it's a beautiful machine." +Solemnly he waited for the laughter to subside. "But +she doesn't turn easily. If my blood counts, there are +at least three corners in the County that are for ever +England. And now will somebody fetch the Vicar? +I shan't last long. And some drinks." He stretched +himself upon the grass. "Several drinks. All together +in a large vessel."</p> + +<p>Jill fled, weak with laughter, to execute his commands. +Berry proceeded to remove his collar and tie.</p> + +<p>"I can't think," he said suddenly, "why they call +them safety bicycles. I suppose it's because they +strike only on the box." He turned to Daphne. +"Since I left you this morning, woman, I have walked +with Death. Oh, more than once. Of course I've +walked without him, too. Miles and miles." He +groaned. "I never knew there was so much road."</p> + +<p>"Didn't you do any riding?" said Jonah. "I +know they're called push-bikes, but that's misleading. +Lots of people ride them. That's what the saddle's for."</p> + +<p>"Foul drain," said my brother-in-law, "your +venomous bile pollutes the crystal flood of my narration. +Did I ride? That was the undoing of the sage. When +he recovered consciousness for the second time, it was +to discover that the chain was missing and that the +back tire was windless. In my endeavours to find +the chain I lost myself. That reminds me. I must +put an advertisement in <i>The Times</i> to the effect that +any one returning a bicycle-chain to White Ladies will +be assaulted. I have no desire to be reminded of to-day. +If anybody had told me you could cover about fifty +miles of open road in England without meeting anything +but road-hogs, who not only failed to stop when I +hailed them, but choked and blinded me with their +filthy dust, I should have prayed for his soul. And not +a pub open!"</p> + +<p>He stopped to watch with a glistening eye the +approach of Jill, bearing a tankard in one hand and a +large jug of some beverage in the other.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" he said.</p> + +<p>"Shandy-gaff."</p> + +<p>"Heaven will reward you, darling, as I shan't." +He took a long draught. "And yet I don't know. +I've got an old pair of riding-breeches I don't want, +if they're any use to you."</p> + +<p>There was a shriek from Agatha and Jill.</p> + +<p>"Is anybody going to church?" said Daphne, +consulting her wrist-watch.</p> + +<p>Berry choked.</p> + +<p>Gravely, I regarded him.</p> + +<p>"Run along and change," said I. "And you can +return the curate his bicycle at the same time. Besides, +a walk'll do you good."</p> + +<p>"Don't tempt me," he replied. "Two hours ago I +registered a vow. I shall drink no water till it is +accomplished."</p> + +<p>"Let's hear it," said I.</p> + +<p>"To offer no violence to a fool for six months," said +Berry, refilling his tankard. "By the way, you'll +have to be very careful when you take off my boots. +They're very full of foot this evening." He sank back +and closed his eyes. "You know I never look at the +almanac, but before I was up this morning I knew +that this was a blue-letter day."</p> + +<p>"How?" said his wife.</p> + +<p>"I left a stud within the bath, and heard Jonah +find it." He spread out a dramatic arm.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +<i>"And he thereon did only sit,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">So blind he couldn't see,</span><br /> +And then the fat-head yelled and swore,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Not at himself, but me."</span></i><br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II</h2> + +<p>HOW DAPHNE WROTE FOR ASSISTANCE, AND MR. HOLLY +WAS OUTBID.<br /></p> + +<p><span class="firstletter">"B</span>low this out for me, Boy, there's a dear."</p> + +<p>The sun was streaming into the library, in +a cage upon the broad hearth there was a blazing log +fire, and the appointment of the breakfast-table was +good to look upon.</p> + +<p>So also was Jill.</p> + +<p>Installed behind the cups and silver, my cousin +made a sweet picture. Grave eyes set wide in a +smiling face, a pile of golden hair crowning her pretty +head, the slenderest throat, from which the collar of +a green silk coat fell gracefully on either side—so +much a cunning painter might have charmed faithfully +on to canvas. But the little air of importance, +of dignity fresh-gathered that sat so naively upon her +brow—this was a thing nor brush nor pencil could +capture, but only a man's eye writing upon a grateful +heart.</p> + +<p>It was but three days since Daphne had left White +Ladies for London, and grey-eyed Jill reigned in her +stead. Berry had accompanied his wife, but Jonah +and I had stayed in the country with Jill, lest we +should lose a note of that echo of summer which good +St. Luke had this year piped so lustily.</p> + +<p>But yesterday the strains had faltered and died. +A sour east wind had arisen, that set the trees shivering, +and whipped the golden leaves from their galleries, +to send them scudding up the cold grey roads. Worse +still, by noon the sky was big with snow, so that before +the post office was closed, a telegram had fled to +London warning my sister to expect us to arrive by +car the following afternoon.</p> + +<p>Jill renewed her appeal.</p> + +<p>Above the little spirit lamp which she was holding +hovered a tiny flame, seemingly so sensitive that a +rough word would quench it for ever. When I had +kissed my cousin, I blew steadily and fiercely from the +south-west. Instantly a large tongue of fire flared +half-way to where Jonah was eating his porridge and +knitting his brows over <i>The Times</i>.</p> + +<p>Jill's hand began to shake.</p> + +<p>"You wicked child," said I. "You knew——"</p> + +<p>"Oh, Boy, but it's so silly. We had to leave it +for you. Jonah nearly burst himself just now, trying."</p> + +<p>"Thing's bewitched," said Jonah calmly. "The +more air you give it, the fiercer it burns. I'd sooner +try to blow out a hurricane lamp."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said I, taking a deep breath.</p> + +<p>At the end of the round—</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Jonah. "Do you mind blowing the +other way next time? It's not my face I'm worrying +about, but this is the only copy of <i>The Times</i> in the +house."</p> + +<p>Jill was helpless with laughter, so I took the lamp +away from her and advanced to the fireplace.</p> + +<p>"I'll fix the swine," I said savagely.</p> + +<p>Two minutes later, with a blast that almost blew +the lamp out of my hand, the flame was extinguished +in a flurry that would have done credit to a whale. +As I straightened my back—</p> + +<p>"Well done, Boy," said Jill. "There's a letter for +you from Berry. Do see what he says. Then I'll +read you Daphne's."</p> + +<p>"Read hers first," said I. "Strange as it may +seem, I entered this room to eat."</p> + +<p>"Right oh!" And in her fresh little voice my +cousin began to read.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Jill Darling,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>The sooner you all come up the better. Everything's +ready and Berry's more than I can manage alone. His +shoulder was aching last night, but when I wanted to rub +him he said he was a kind of Aladdin's lamp, and +wouldn't be responsible if I did. "Supposing a genie +appeared and formed fours, or the slop-pail rotted aside, +disclosing a flight of steps." Result, to-day in Bond +Street he turned suddenly to look at a passing car, and had +a seizure. He just gave a yell as if he'd been shot, and +then stood stock still with his head all on one side. Of +course I was horrified, but he said he was quite all right, +and explained that it was muscular rheumatism. I +stopped a taxi and tried to make him get in, for people +were beginning to look. Do you think he would? Not +a bit of it. Stood there and said it was a judgment, and +that he must stay where he was till it had passed. "That +may not be for years. They'll put railings round me +after a bit, and people will meet at me instead of the +Tube. You will be responsible for my meals, some of +which you will cook on the spot. I'll have a light lunch +to-day about 1300 hours." One or two people stopped, +and I got into a taxi just as a man asked him if he was +ill. "Brother," said the fool, "my blood tests are more +than satisfactory. A malignant Fate, however——" +When I asked him if he was coming he told the man I was +taunting him, so I just drove home. The Willoughbys +brought him back in their car quarter of an hour later. +Madge said she'd never laughed so much in her life, but I +can't bear it alone. Mrs. Mason is at last reconciled to +the idea of an electric cooker, and your new curtains look +sweet. Come along. Love to you all.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Daphne</span>.</i></p> + +<p>"Berry's version should be engaging," said Jonah. +"Slip along with that porridge."</p> + +<p>"Don't hustle me. Gladstone used to masticate +every mouthful he took seven million times before +swallowing. That's why he couldn't tell a lie. Or +am I thinking of Lincoln?"</p> + +<p>The hostility with which my cousins received the +historical allusion was so marked that it seemed only +prudent to open my brother-in-law's letter without +further delay.</p> + +<p>I did so and read the contents aloud.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Dear Brother,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Your constant derision of human suffering has +satisfied me that the facts I am about to relate will afford +you the utmost gratification. Natheless I consider that +for form's sake my wife's brother should know that I am in +failing health. This morning, whilst faring forth, as is +my wont (pronounced "wunt"), upon a mission of +charity, I was seized with an agony in the neck and Old +Bond Street just opposite the drinking-fountain. Believing +it to be appendicitis, I demanded a chirurgeon, +but nobody could spell the word. The slightest movement, +however, spelt anguish without a mistake. My scruff +was in the grip of Torment. Observing that I was helpless, +the woman, my wife, summoned a hackney carriage and +drove off, taunting and jeering at her spouse. By this +time my screams had attracted the attention of a few +passers-by. Some stood apparently egg-bound, others +hurried away, doubtless to procure assistance. One fool +asked me if I was ill. I told him that I had been dead +for some days, and asked him if he knew of a good florist, +as I wanted them to send no flowers. Had it not been for +Madge Willoughby, I should have been there now.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Organized bodies of navvies are slowly but surely ruining +the streets. No efforts are made to stop them, and the +police seem powerless to interfere.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>There is no room in London. I never remember when +there was. But don't you come. The air is the purer +for your absence, and your silk hats seem to fit me better +than my own. My love for Jill is only exceeded by my +hatred of you and my contempt for Jonah. I have much +more to say, but I have, thank Heaven, something better to +do than to communicate with a debauched connection, whose +pleasure has ever been my pain, and from whom I have +learned more vicious ways than I can remember. For I +am by nature a little child. Just before and after rain +you may still see traces of the halo which I bought at +Eastbourne in '94. My gorge is rising, so I must write +no more.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Berry.</span></i></p> + +<p>"What's muscular rheumatism?" said Jill, gurgling +with laughter.</p> + +<p>"Your muscles get stiff," said Jonah, "and you +get stuck. Hurts like anything. I've had it."</p> + +<p>"Now you know," said I, selecting a sausage. "Will +you be ready by hall-past eleven (winter time) or must +we lunch here?"</p> + +<p>"I'm ready now," said Jill. "But you and Jonah +said it was indecent to start earlier."</p> + +<p>"So it is. We shall get to Pistol comfortably in an +hour and a half, and if we start again at half-past two, +we shall be in London for tea."</p> + +<p>Jonah rose and limped to the window.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you one thing," he said. "It's going to be +a devilish cold run."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Jonah was right.</p> + +<p>We sat all three upon the front seat, but even so we +were hard put to it to keep warm. The prospect of a +hot lunch at Pistol was pleasant indeed. Jonah was +driving, and the Rolls slid through the country like a +great grey bird, sailing and swooping and swerving so +gracefully that it was difficult to believe the tale which +the speedometer told. Yet this was true enough, for it +was not a quarter to one when we swept round the last +corner and into the long straight reach of tarmac, at +the top of which lay the village we sought.</p> + +<p>Pistol is embedded in a high moor, snug and warm, +for all its eminence. The moor itself is girt with waving +woods that stretch and toss for miles, making a deep +sloping sash of foliage which Autumn will dye with +such grave glory that the late loss of Summer and her +pretty ways seems easier to bear. Orange and purple +copper and gold, russet and crimson—these in a hundred +tones tremble and glow in one giant harmony, out of +which, at the release of sun, come swelling chords so +deep and rich and vivid that the sweet air is quick with +stifled music and every passing breeze charged to the +full with silent melody.</p> + +<p>We had left this girdle of woodland behind us and +were within half a mile of the village, when some activity +about the gates of a private house attracted our attention. +A little knot of men stood arguing in the roadway, +three cars and an old fly were berthed close to the hedge, +while a good-looking landau was waiting for a furniture +van to emerge from the drive.</p> + +<p>The next moment we were near enough to learn from +a large poster that "the entire contents of Cranmer +Place were to be sold by auction" this day, "including +a quantity of valuable antique furniture," and with one +accord Jill and I called upon Jonah to stop.</p> + +<p>"What for?" said the latter, as he brought the car +to a standstill. "Don't say you want to go and watch +the rector's wife bidding against her conscience and the +draper for a what-not."</p> + +<p>"Such," said I, "is our intention." I hoisted +myself to my feet and, opening the door, descended +stiffly into the road. As I helped Jill to follow me, +"You push on to Highlands," I added, "and order the +lunch. We'll only stay a minute or two."</p> + +<p>"And you never know," said Jill, "we might see +something priceless."</p> + +<p>Jonah shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Depend upon it," he said, "the oleographs have +gone to Christie's, same as the fumed oak. Only the +dud stuff's left. However, have it your own way." +With a sigh, he let in the clutch. "If you're not there +by a quarter past one, I shall begin."</p> + +<p>Jill slid an arm through mine, which she squeezed +excitedly.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure we shall find something, Boy. I just feel +it. It always happens like this. You see, it isn't as if +we were looking for a sale. We've just run right into +one. And last night I dreamed about cretonnes."</p> + +<p>"That settles it," said I, as the Rolls glided out of +our way and we started to cross the road. "All the +same, Jonah's probably right. But I love a sale. I'm +afraid it's curiosity more than anything."</p> + +<p>Catalogues were handed us at the front door, and we +passed into a fine square hall, where a dresser and a +large gate-table, each conspicuously labelled, declared +that the late occupant was a man of taste.</p> + +<p>"Two very fine pieces, sir," said a voice. "Coming +up this afternoon." I turned to see a short stout man +in a 1907 bowler and two overcoats, which he wore +open, regarding the furniture with an appraising look. +With difficulty he extracted a card from an inside +pocket. "If you're thinkin' of buyin' anythin', +Major, that's me card, an' I'll be very 'appy to ac' for +you."</p> + +<p>"Thanks, I don't think——"</p> + +<p>"All right, Major, all right. Only if you should, +I'm always about," he added hastily, turning away in +response to a cry which had arisen for "Mr. 'Olly." +"Comin', comin'!" he cried, making for what I took +to be the drawing room.</p> + +<p>I slipped his card into my pocket and we passed +on.</p> + +<p>The tallboy chest was standing alone in its dignity +at the top of the broad staircase.</p> + +<p>The moment I saw it I knew it was good stuff. +And Jill gave a little cry and began to chatter, till I +laid my hand on her arm with a warning pressure.</p> + +<p>"Hush," I said quickly, "don't give it away. Of +course they all know it's good, but we needn't seem +over-anxious. Try and look as if you thought it might +do for the harness-room if it was enamelled."</p> + +<p>"O-o-oh, Boy."</p> + +<p>Such chests may be handsome and—rarely—elegant, +but this was dainty. Standing upon short cabriole +legs, it was small, but of exquisite proportions, and +had been built, I judged, in the reign of Queen Anne. +The walnut which had gone to its making was picked +wood, and its drawers were faced with oyster-shell and +inlaid with box. Their handles were perfect, and, +indeed, the whole chest was untouched and without +blemish, shining with that clean lustre which only wax +and constant elbow-grease can bring about.</p> + +<p>When I had examined the piece as carefully as I dared, +I winked at Jill and descended into the hall.</p> + +<p>Mr. Holly was awaiting us.</p> + +<p>Casually I addressed him.</p> + +<p>"There's a tallboy at the top of the stairs, labelled +207. I'm not crazy about it, but it's about the right +size for a recess in my bedroom. If you like to buy +that for me on a five per cent. basis——"</p> + +<p>"Certainly, Major." He wrote in a fat notebook. +"Lot 207. An' ow' 'igh will you go?"</p> + +<p>I hesitated.</p> + +<p>"I'll go up to a hundred pounds. But the cheaper +you get it, the better for you. Understand?"</p> + +<p>"I'm there, Major. Will you be coming back?"</p> + +<p>"No. But there's my card. You can telegraph to +that address this evening, and I'll send you a cheque."</p> + +<p>"Very good, sir."</p> + +<p>A minute later we were walking along the road towards +Highlands and, while Jill was talking excitedly, +I was considering my own recklessness.</p> + +<p>As we entered the grounds—</p> + +<p>"Don't say anything about it," I said. "Let it +be a surprise."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The first person I saw, as I entered the lounge of that +hotel, was Berry.</p> + +<p>"Do you mind not asking me why I'm here?" +he said languidly. "I've just finished telling Jonah, +and repetition always wearied me."</p> + +<p>"Your movements have never interested me," said +I. "All the same, I thought you were in the grip of +Torment."</p> + +<p>"I was and shall be. For the nonce——" He +turned to a tall dark girl who was leaning against the +chimney-piece, watching us curiously. "Let me +introduce my brother-in-law. Carefully kept from me +before marriage and by me ever since. Both the ablative +case, I believe, but what a difference? So rich is +the English tongue."</p> + +<p>The girl threw back her head and laughed. I +observed that she had nice teeth.</p> + +<p>"Name of Childe," she said in a sweet voice. +"After all, we can't expect him to remember everything. +Wasn't my brother in your regiment?"</p> + +<p>"I knew I'd seen you somewhere," said I. "The +last time you were on a towel, leaning against a bottle +of hairwash. That was in Flanders in 1916."</p> + +<p>"That," said Berry, "will do. Miss Childe and I +came here to lunch, not to listen to maudlin memories +of the Great War. Did I ever tell you that a Spaniard +once compared me to that elusive bloom to be found +only upon the ungathered apricot?"</p> + +<p>"How much did you lend him?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps he knew more about ferns," said Miss +Childe.</p> + +<p>"Blind from birth, I suppose," said Jonah's voice.</p> + +<p>My brother-in-law rose to his feet and looked about +him with the expression of one who has detected an +offensive odour.</p> + +<p>"He was a man of singular insight and fine feeling," +he said. "At the time of his outburst I was giving +evidence against him for cruelty to a bullock. And +now, for goodness' sake, somebody collect Jill and let's +have some lunch."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"As a matter of fact," said Miss Childe, "I've +come down to get some butter and eggs. They're +usually sent, but the housekeeper's ill, and, as I was +going spare, father suggested I should run down and +pick them up."</p> + +<p>Her voice sounded as if she was speaking from afar, +and I knew that I must call up all my reserves of willpower +if I was to remain awake.</p> + +<p>"But Berry's with you, isn't he?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. Your sister came to lunch yesterday and +happened to mention that he wanted to go to Pistol +to-day, so I offered him a lift. He's much nicer than +any chauffeur."</p> + +<p>"But whatever did he want to come to Pistol for?"</p> + +<p>"Ah." From a great distance I watched Miss +Childe's brown eyes take on a look of mischief that +seemed at home in its bright setting. "He wouldn't +tell you and he didn't tell Captain Mansel the truth, +so I shan't give him away." She looked at a tiny +wrist-watch. "And now I must be going. We want +to start back at half-past three, and I've twenty-five +miles to do before then."</p> + +<p>"May I come with you?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly. But——"</p> + +<p>I stepped to where Jill was scribbling a note.</p> + +<p>"We needn't start before half-past three," I said. +"Will you wait for me?"</p> + +<p>She nodded abstractedly.</p> + +<p>Jonah was dozing over a cigarette. Berry had +disappeared.</p> + +<p>Three minutes later I was sitting in a comfortable +coupé, which Miss Childe was driving at an unlawful +speed in the direction of Colt.</p> + +<p>"You drive a lot, don't you?" flashed my companion.</p> + +<p>"A good deal."</p> + +<p>"Then I expect you hate being driven by a +stranger?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all. Sometimes, of course——" I waited +for us to emerge from between two motor-lorries and a +traction-engine. As we were doing over forty-five, +the pause was but momentary. "I mean——"</p> + +<p>"That you're being frightened to death?"</p> + +<p>"Not to death. I've still got some feeling in my +right arm." We dropped down one of the steepest +hills I have ever seen, with two bends in it, at an increased +speed. "You keep your guardian angel +pretty busy, don't you?"</p> + +<p>A suspicion of a smile played for a second about my +lady's lips.</p> + +<p>"The only thing I'm really frightened of is a hansom +cab," she affirmed.</p> + +<p>"Try and imagine that there are half a dozen round +the next corner, will you?"</p> + +<p>The smile deepened.</p> + +<p>"Is your heart all right?" she demanded.</p> + +<p>"It was when we started."</p> + +<p>"But I know this road backwards."</p> + +<p>"You needn't tell me that," said I. "We should +have been killed long ago if you didn't. Seriously, I +don't want to abuse your hospitality, but we're going +to have kidneys for breakfast to-morrow, and I should +be sorry to miss them."</p> + +<p>"Are you fond of kidneys?"</p> + +<p>"Passionately. I used to go out and gather them +as a child. In the morning and the meadows. Or +were we talking of haddock?"</p> + +<p>Miss Childe hesitated before replying.</p> + +<p>"I used to, too. But I was always afraid of their +being toadstools. They're poisonous, aren't they?"</p> + +<p>"Deadly. By the way, there are six hansoms full of +toadstools at the cross-roads which I observe we are +approaching."</p> + +<p>"I don't believe you."</p> + +<p>I was wrong. But there was a waggon full of logs +and a limousine full of children, which were rather +worse.</p> + +<p>We proceeded amid faint cries of indignation.</p> + +<p>"What do you do," said I, "when you come to a +level-crossing with the gates shut?"</p> + +<p>"I don't," said Miss Childe.</p> + +<p>I was still working this out, when my companion +slowed down and brought the car to a standstill in +front of a high white gate bearing the legend "Private," +and keeping a thin brown road that ran for a little way +between fair meadows before plunging into a swaying +beechwood.</p> + +<p>"Anything the matter?" I asked.</p> + +<p>Miss Childe laid a hand on my arm.</p> + +<p>"Be an angel," she said in a caressing voice.</p> + +<p>"Certainly," said I. "With or without wings?"</p> + +<p>"And open the gate, so that——"</p> + +<p>"I know," I cried, "I know. Don't tell me. 'So +that the automobile may pass unobstructed between +the gate-posts.' Am I right?"</p> + +<p>"How on earth did you know?"</p> + +<p>"Instinct." I open the door and stepped backwards +into the road. "I'm always like this before +eating kidneys," I added.</p> + +<p>As I re-entered the car—</p> + +<p>"Now we can let her out," said Miss Childe contentedly. +"It's such a relief to feel there's no speed +limit," she added, with a ravishing smile.</p> + +<p>As soon as I could trust my voice—</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't think your chauffeurs live very long, +do they?"</p> + +<p>"On the contrary, they grow old in our service."</p> + +<p>"I can believe you," said I heartily. "I myself +have aged considerably since we left Highlands."</p> + +<p>By this time we had flung through and out of the +beechwood, and the car was storming past stretches +of gleaming bracken, all red and gold and stuck with +spreading oak trees that stood sometimes alone, +sometimes in groups of two or three together, and made +you think of staring cattle standing knee-deep in a +golden flood.</p> + +<p>The car tore on.</p> + +<p>"We're coming to where I used to gather the +mushrooms," my companion announced.</p> + +<p>"Barefoot?"</p> + +<p>"Sometimes."</p> + +<p>"Because of the dew?"</p> + +<p>She nodded.</p> + +<p>I sighed. Then—</p> + +<p>"Up to now I've been feeling like a large brandy and +a small soda," I said. "Now I feel like a sonnet. +What is your name, and who gave you that name?"</p> + +<p>"I'm sure that's not necessary. I've seen a sonnet +'To a lady upon her birthday.'"</p> + +<p>"As you please. Shall I post it to you or pin it to +a tree in Battersea Park?"</p> + +<p>Miss Childe nodded her head in the direction in +which we were going.</p> + +<p>"That," she said, "is the house."</p> + +<p>At the end of a long avenue of elms I could see the +bold flash of windows which the afternoon sun had set +afire, and a moment later we swept by the front of an +old red mansion and round into a paved court that lay +on its farther side.</p> + +<p>Here was a door open, and in front of this my +companion brought the car to a standstill.</p> + +<p>I handed her out. She rang the bell and entered. +I followed her in.</p> + +<p>"Like to look round the house?" said Miss Childe. +"We've given up showing it since the Suffragettes, but +if you could give me a reference——"</p> + +<p>"Messrs. Salmon and Gluckstein," said I, "are my +solicitors."</p> + +<p>My lady pointed to a door at the end of the flagged +passage in which we stood.</p> + +<p>"That'll take you into the hall," she said. "I'll +come and find you when I've seen the servants."</p> + +<p>I saluted and broke away in the direction she had +indicated.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>There was a closet that opened out of the great +gallery. No door hung in the doorway and I could see +china ranged orderly against the panelling of the walls. +I descended its two stairs, expecting to find it devoted +to china and nothing else. But I was wrong. Facing +the window and the sunshine was a facsimile of the +tallboy chest which I had coveted so fiercely two hours +before.</p> + +<p>I gazed at it spell-bound.</p> + +<p>"It's very rude to stare," said a voice.</p> + +<p>I turned to see Miss Childe framed in the doorway.</p> + +<p>Her gown was of apricot, with the bodice cut low and +the skirt gathered in loops to show her white silk +petticoat, which swelled from under a flowered +stomacher so monstrously, that the tiny blue-heeled +slipper upon the second stair seemed smaller than ever. +Deep frills of lace fell from her short sleeves and a +little lace cap was set on her thick dark hair.</p> + +<p>I swallowed before replying. Then—</p> + +<p>"It's a lovely chest," I said lamely.</p> + +<p>"Picked wood," said Miss Childe. "Flogged once +a week for years, that tree was."</p> + +<p>"Flogged?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly."</p> + +<p>Suddenly the air was full of music, and a jubilant +chorus of voices was singing lustily—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +"<i>A woman, a spaniel, and a walnut-tree,<br /> +The more you beat them, the better they be.</i>"<br /> +</p> + +<p>As the melody faded—</p> + +<p>"I told you so," said Miss Childe. "What about +the butter and eggs? Will you pay for them, or shall I +have them sent?"</p> + +<p>I handed her the largest one pound note I have ever +seen.</p> + +<p>"Thanks," she said shortly. "Change at Earl's +Court."</p> + +<p>A peal of boy's laughter floated in at the open window.</p> + +<p>"Who's that?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Love," said Miss Childe. "The locksmiths are +here, and he's laughing at them. I think it's rather +unkind myself. Besides——"</p> + +<p>A burst of machine-gun fire interrupted her.</p> + +<p>As the echoes died down—</p> + +<p>"You smell of potpourri," said I.</p> + +<p>"Probably. I made three bags full this morning. +Bead bags. Do you mind putting some coal on the +fire? If there aren't any tongs, use the telephone."</p> + +<p>There was no fireplace and no coal-scuttle, so I took +off my right boot and put it in the bottom drawer of the +tallboy instead.</p> + +<p>"Number, please," said Miss Childe, who had entered +the closet and was standing a-tiptoe before a mirror +to adjust a patch beneath her left eye.</p> + +<p>"Lot 207," said I.</p> + +<p>"Line's engaged," said Miss Childe. "Didn't you +see it in <i>The Times</i>?"</p> + +<p>By way of answer, I threw a large plate at her. She +seemed more pleased than otherwise with the attention, +and began to pluck the delicate flowers with which it +was painted and gather them into a nosegay. In +some dudgeon, I blew a small jug of great beauty on to +a carved prie-dieu, to which it adhered as though made +of some slimy substance.</p> + +<p>"Cannon," said my lady. "Shall I put you on?"</p> + +<p>"I wish you would. It's rather important."</p> + +<p>"You're through."</p> + +<p>"Tallboy speaking," said a faint voice. "Tallboy. +Tallboy."</p> + +<p>"How d'ye do?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Ill," said the voice, "so ill. All these years I've +carried it, and no one knew——"</p> + +<p>"Pardon me," said I. "I only put it there five +minutes ago. You see, the fire was almost out and——"</p> + +<p>"Measurements tell," said the voice. "But they +never do that. They polish my panels and lay fair +linen within me, and great folk have stood about me +telling each other of my elegance, and once a baby +child mirrored its little face in one of my sides. And +all the time measurements tell. But they never do +that."</p> + +<p>A sigh floated to my ears, a long, long sigh that rose +into a wail of the wind, and a casement behind me blew +to with a shaking clash.</p> + +<p>Somewhere a dog was howling.</p> + +<p>On a sudden I felt cold. The sunshine was gone, +and the chamber had become grey and dismal. Misery +was in the air.</p> + +<p>A stifled exclamation made me look round.</p> + +<p>My lady had backed shrinking into a corner, one +little hand pressed to her heart, and in her hunted eyes +sat Fear dominant. The sweet face was drawn and +colourless, and her breath came quickly, so that it was +grievous to mark the flutter of her smooth white chest.</p> + +<p>Mechanically I turned to seek the cause of her terror.</p> + +<p>I saw a powerfully-built man standing square in the +closet's doorway. His face was coarse and red and +brutal, and his small black eyes glowed with an ugly +twinkle as he surveyed his quarry. Upon the thick +lips there was a sinister smile, which broadened hideously +as he glanced at the nosegay held betwixt his +finger and thumb—the little nosegay that she had +gathered so lightly from the painted plate. A wide-skirted +coat of red fell nearly to his knees and hid his +breeches. His short black periwig was bobbed, and a +black silk tie was knotted about his neck. Stockings +were rolled above his knees, and a huge tongue thrust +out from each of his buckled shoes. And in his left hand +was a heavy riding-whip whose handle was wrought +about with gold. This he kept clapping against his +leg with a smack and a ghastly relish that there was +no mistaking.</p> + +<p>Again that phantom chorus rose up and rang in +my ears—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +"<i>A woman, a spaniel, and a walnut tree,<br /> +The more you beat them, the better they be.</i>"<br /> +</p> + +<p>But the jubilant note was gone, and, though the +tune was the same, the voices were harsh, and there +was a dreadful mockery of woe in the stave that made +me shudder.</p> + +<p>My lady heard it too.</p> + +<p>"No, no, Ralph. You do me wrong. I plucked +them myself. Who is there now to send me posies? +And I am sick—you know it. The last time——" +The hurrying voice faltered and stumbled piteously over +a sob. "The last time I was near spent, Ralph. So +near. And now——You do not know your strength. +Indeed——Oh, Ralph, Ralph, what have I done that +you should use me so?"</p> + +<p>The bitter cry sank into a dull moan, and, setting a +frail white arm across her eyes, she bowed her head +upon it, as do weeping children, and fell to sobbing +with that subdued despair that spells a broken spirit.</p> + +<p>My lord's withers were unwrung.</p> + +<p>For a moment he stood still, leering like some foul +thing that feasts on Anguish. Then he let fall the +nosegay and took the whip in his right hand....</p> + +<p>And I stood there frozen and paralysed and +dumb.</p> + +<p>Posing his victim with a horrible precision, the monster +raised his whip, but it struck a pendant lantern, and +with an oath he turned to the gallery, where he should +find room and to spare for his brutality. At this delay +my lady fell upon her knees, in a wild hope, I think, to +turn her respite into a reprieve, but the beast cried out +upon her, struck down her outstretched hands, and, +twisting his fingers in her soft dark hair, dragged her +incontinently out of the closet. The little whimper she +gave was awful....</p> + +<p>And I stood there paralysed.</p> + +<p>Five minutes, perhaps, had passed, slow-treading, +pregnant minutes, when my lord reappeared. He stood +for a moment listening at the top of the stairs, his chin +on his shoulder. Then he stepped lightly down. His +vile face was pale and his eyes shifted uneasily. The +devil looked out of them yet, but Fright looked with +him. Two paces brought the fellow before the tallboy. +He put up his hands as if to pull open a drawer, when +something about the whip he was holding caught his +attention. For a second he stared at it, muttering. +Then, with a glance at the doorway, he thrust the +thing beneath the skirt of his coat and wiped it as it +had been a rapier....</p> + +<p>Again he made to open a drawer, but the spell under +which I lay seemed to be lifted, and I shot out a hand +and clapped him on the shoulder.</p> + +<p>For all the notice he took, I might not have been there. +The more incensed, I shook the man violently....</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"Repose," said Jonah, "is one thing, gluttonish +sloth another. And even if you have once again overestimated +the capacity of your stomach, why advertise +your intemperance in a public place?" He lifted +his hand from my shoulder to look at his watch. +"It's now ten minutes to three. Do you think you +can stagger, or must you be carried, to the car?"</p> + +<p>I sat up and looked about me. Except for Jill, +who was standing a-tiptoe before a mirror, we were +alone in the lounge.</p> + +<p>"I've been dreaming," said I. "About—about——"</p> + +<p>"That's all right, old chap. Tell Nanny all about it +to-night, after you've had your bath. That's one of +the things she's paid for."</p> + +<p>"Don't be a fool," said I, putting a hand to my +head. "It's important, I tell you. For Heaven's sake +let me think. Oh, what was it?" My cousins stared +at me. "I'm not rotting. It was real—something +that mattered."</p> + +<p>"'Orse race?" said Jonah eagerly. "Green hoops +leading by twelve lengths or something?"</p> + +<p>I waved him away.</p> + +<p>"No, no, no. Let me think. Let me think."</p> + +<p>I buried my face in my hands and thought and +thought.... But to no purpose. The vision was +gone.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Hastily I made ready for our journey to Town, all +the time racking my brain feverishly for some odd +atom of incident that should remember my dream.</p> + +<p>It was not until I was actually seated in the Rolls, +with my foot upon the self-starter, that I thought about +Berry.</p> + +<p>Casually I asked what had become of him.</p> + +<p>"That's what we want to know," said Jill. "He +motored down here with Miss Childe, and now they've +pushed off somewhere, but they wouldn't say——"</p> + +<p>"Childe!" I shouted. "Miss Childe! I've got +it!"</p> + +<p>"What on earth's the matter?" said Jonah, as I +started the car.</p> + +<p>"My dream," I cried. "I remember it all. It was +about that tallboy."</p> + +<p>"What—the one we saw?" cried Jill.</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>"I'm going to double my bid," I said. "We +simply must have it, whatever the price."</p> + +<p>Disregarding Jonah's protests that we were going the +wrong way, I swung the car in the direction from which +we had come, and streaked down the road to Cranmer +Place.</p> + +<p>A minute later I dashed into the hall, with Jill at +my heels.</p> + +<p>The first person I saw was Mr. Holly.</p> + +<p>"Has it come up yet?"</p> + +<p>I flung the words at him, casting strategy to the +winds.</p> + +<p>"It 'as, Major, an' I'm sorry to say we've lorst it. +I never see such a thing. There was a gent there as +meant to 'ave it. 'Cept for 'im, there wasn't a bid after +twenty-five pounds. I never thort we'd 'ave to go +over fifty, neither. Might 'a bin the owner 'isself, the +way 'e was runnin' us up. An' when we was in the +eighties, I sez to meself, I sez, 'The one as calls a +nundred first 'as it. So 'ere goes.' 'Eighty-nine,' +sez'e. 'A nundred pound,' sez I, bold-like. 'Make it +guineas,' sez he, as cool as if 'e was buyin' a naporth +o' figs. I tell you. Major, it fair knocked me, it did. +I come all of a tremble, an' me knees——"</p> + +<p>"Where's the fellow who bought it?" said I.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid it's no good, Major. I tell you 'e +meant to 'ave them drawers."</p> + +<p>With an effort I mastered my impatience.</p> + +<p>"Will you tell me where he is? Or, if he's gone, +find out——"</p> + +<p>"I don't think 'e's gorn," said Mr. Holly, looking +round. "I 'alf think——There 'e is," he cried, suddenly, +nodding over my shoulder. "That's 'im on the +stairs, with the lady in blue."</p> + +<p>Excitedly I swung round, to see my brother-in-law +languidly descending the staircase, with Miss Childe +by his side.</p> + +<p>"Hullo," he said. "Do you mind not asking me +why I'm here?"</p> + +<p>"It's not my practice," said I, "to ask a question, +the answer to which I already know." I turned to Mr. +Holly and took out a one pound note. "I'm much +obliged for your trouble. 'Not a bid after twenty-five +pounds,' I think you said." I handed him the +note, which he accepted with protests of gratitude. +"You did better than you know," I added.</p> + +<p>"May I ask," said Berry unsteadily, "if this gentleman +and you are in collusion?"</p> + +<p>"We were," said I. "At least, I instructed him to +purchase some furniture for me. Unfortunately we were +outbid. But it's of no consequence."</p> + +<p>Berry raised his eyes to heaven and groaned/</p> + +<p>"Subtraction," he said, "is not my strongest point, +but I make it eighty pounds. Is that right?"</p> + +<p>I nodded, and he turned to Miss Childe.</p> + +<p>"That viper," he said, "has stung the fool who +feeds him to the tune of eighty pounds. Shall I faint +here or by the hat-stand? Let's be clear about it. +The moment I enter the swoon——"</p> + +<p>"Still, as long as it's in the family——" began Jill.</p> + +<p>"Exactly," said I. "The main thing is, we've got +it. And when you've heard my tale——"</p> + +<p>"Eighty paper pounds," said Berry. "Can you +beat it?"</p> + +<p>"That'd only be about thirty-five before the War," +said Miss Childe in a shaking voice.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said I. "Look at it that way. And what's +thirty-five? A bagatelle, brother, a bagatelle. Now, +if we were in Russia——"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Berry grimly, "and if we were in Patagonia, +I suppose I should be up on the deal. You can +cut that bit."</p> + +<p>Miss Childe and Jill dissolved into peals of merriment.</p> + +<p>"That's right," said Berry. "Deride the destitute. +Mock at bereavement. As for you," he added, turning +to Jill, "your visit to the Zoo is indefinitely postponed. +Other children shall feel sick in the monkey-house and +be taken to smell the bears. But you, never." He +turned to Miss Childe and laid a hand on her arm. +"Shut your eyes, my dear, and repeat one of Alfred +Austin's odes. This place is full of the ungodly."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>My determination to carry the tallboy chest to London +in the Rolls met with stern opposition, but in the +end I prevailed, and at six o'clock that evening it was +safely housed in Mayfair.</p> + +<p>To do him justice, Berry's annoyance was considerably +tempered by the strange story which I unfolded +during a belated tea.</p> + +<p>The house and park which I had seen we were +unable to identify, and the Post Office Guide was +silent as to the whereabouts of Colt. But the excitement +which Daphne's production of a tape-measure +aroused was only exceeded by the depression which +was created by our failure to discover anything unusual +about the chest.</p> + +<p>We measured the cornice and we measured the plinth. +We measured the frame and we measured the drawers. +But if the linear measurements afforded us little satisfaction, +the square measurements revealed considerably +less, while, since no one of us was a mathematician, +the calculation of the cubic capacity proved, not only +unprofitable, but provocative of such bitter arguments +and insulting remarks that Daphne demanded that +we should desist.</p> + +<p>"All right," said Berry, "if you don't believe me, +call in a consulting engineer. I've worked the blinking +thing out three times. I admit the answers were +entirely different, but that's not my fault. I never +did like astrology. I tell you the beastly chest holds +twenty-seven thousand point nine double eight recurring +cubic inches of air. Some other fool can reduce +that to rods, and there you are. I'm fed up with it. +Thanks to the machinations of that congenital idiot +with the imitation mustachios, I've paid more than +four times its value, and I'm not going to burst my +brains trying to work out which drawer would have had +a false bottom if it had been built by a dipsomaniac who +kept fowls. And that's that."</p> + +<p>Tearfully Miss Childe announced that it was time for +her to be going, and I elected to escort her as far as the +garage. As we stepped on to the pavement—</p> + +<p>"I know a lot more about you than you think," +said I. "I never told you half what I dreamed."</p> + +<p>"What do you know?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, nothing momentous. Just the more intimate +details of your everyday life. Your partiality to +mushrooms, your recognition of Love, your recklessness, +pretty peculiarities of your toilet——"</p> + +<p>"Good Heavens!" cried Miss Childe.</p> + +<p>"But you wouldn't tell me your name."</p> + +<p>"False modesty. Seriously you don't mean to say——"</p> + +<p>"But I do. Nothing was hid from me. Your little +bare feet——"</p> + +<p>A stifled scream interrupted me.</p> + +<p>"This," said Miss Childe, "is awful." We turned +into the mews. "What are you doing to-morrow?"</p> + +<p>"Dictating. You see, there's a dream I want recorded."</p> + +<p>"I shall expect you at half-past one. We can start +after lunch. I've a beautiful hand."</p> + +<p>"I know you have. Two of them. They were +bare, too," I added reflectively.</p> + +<p>With a choking sound, Miss Childe got into the car.</p> + +<p>"Half-past one," she said, as she slid into the driver's +seat.</p> + +<p>"Without fail." I raised my hat. "By the way, +who shall I ask for?"</p> + +<p>Miss Childe flung me a dazzling smile.</p> + +<p>"I've no sisters," she said.</p> + +<p>Moodily I returned to the house.</p> + +<p>I entered the library to find that the others had +retired, presumably to dress for dinner. Mechanically +I crossed to the tallboy, which we had so fruitlessly +surveyed, and began to finger it idly, wondering all +the time whether my dream was wanton, or whether +there was indeed some secret which we might discover. +It did not seem possible, and yet.... That distant +voice rang in my ears. "Measurements tell, measurements +tell. But they never do that." <i>What?</i></p> + +<p>A sudden idea came to me, and I drew out the second +long drawer. Then in some excitement I withdrew +the first, and placed it exactly upon the top of the +second, so that I might see if they were of the same +size. <i>The second was the deeper by an inch and a half.</i></p> + +<p>I thrust my arms into the empty frame, feeling feverishly +for a bolt or catch, which should be holding a +panel in place at the back of where the first drawer +had lain. At first I could find nothing, then my right +hand encountered a round hole in the wood, just large +enough to admit a man's finger. Almost immediately +I came upon a similar hole on the left-hand side. Their +office was plain....</p> + +<p>A moment later, and I had drawn the panel out of +its standing and clear of the chest.</p> + +<p>My hands were trembling as I thrust them into the +dusty hiding-place.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"Hullo! Aren't you going to dress?" said Jonah +some two minutes later.</p> + +<p>But I was still staring at a heavy riding-whip whose +handle was wrought about with gold.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III</h2> + +<p>HOW A MAN MAY FOLLOW HIS OWN HAT, AND +BERRY TOOK A LAMP IN HIS HAND.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">"W</span>hat are you doing this morning?" said +Daphne.</p> + +<p>Berry turned to the mantelpiece and selected a pipe +before replying.</p> + +<p>"I have," he said, "several duties to discharge. All, +curiously enough, to myself. First, if not foremost, I +must hire some sock-suspenders. Secondly, I must +select some socks for the sock-suspenders to suspend. +Is that clear? Neither last nor least——"</p> + +<p>"As a matter of fact," said his wife, "you're going +to help me choose a present for Maisie Dukedom. +Besides, I've got to go to Fortnum and Mason's, and I +want you——"</p> + +<p>"To carry the string-bag. I know. And we can +get the chops at the same time. We'd better take some +newspaper with us. And a perambulator."</p> + +<p>"Tell you what," said Jonah, "let's all join together +and give her a Persian rug."</p> + +<p>"That's rather an idea," said my sister. "And +they wear for ever."</p> + +<p>"You're sure of that, aren't you?" said Berry. "I +mean, I shouldn't like her to have to get a new one in +about six hundred years. I like a present to last."</p> + +<p>Before Daphne could reply—</p> + +<p>"How d'you spell 'business'?" said Jill, looking +up from a letter.</p> + +<p>"Personally," said I, "I don't. It's one of the words +I avoid. If you must, I should write it down both ways +and see what it looks like."</p> + +<p>The telephone bell began to ring.</p> + +<p>"Wrong number, for a fiver," said Jonah. "They +always do it about this time."</p> + +<p>Berry crossed the room and picked up the receiver. +We listened expectantly.</p> + +<p>"Have I got a taxi! My dear fellow, I've got a +whole school of them. Would you like a Renault or a +baby grand? What? Oh, I'm afraid I couldn't send +it at once. You see, I've only got one boy, and he's +having his hair cut. I can post it to you, and I should +think you'll get it to-morrow morning. No, I'm not +mad. No, I'm not the cab-rank, either. Well, you +should have asked me. Never mind. Let's talk of +something else. I wonder if you're interested in rock-worms.... +I beg your pardon...." Gravely he +restored the receiver to its perch. "Not interested," +he added for our information. "He didn't actually +say so, but from the directions he gave concerning +them—happily, I may say, quite impracticable——"</p> + +<p>"Talking of telephoning," said Jonah uncertainly, +"don't forget we've got to ring up and say whether +we want those tickets."</p> + +<p>"So we have," said my sister. "Wednesday week, +isn't it? Let's see." She fell to examining a tiny +engagement-book, murmuring to herself as she deciphered +or interpreted the entries.</p> + +<p>I continued to survey the street.</p> + +<p>It was a dark morning in December, and we were all +In the library, where there was a good fire, warming +ourselves preparatory to venturing abroad and facing +the north-east wind which was making London so +unpleasant.</p> + +<p>The tickets to which Jonah referred would make us +free of the Albert Hall for a ball which promised to +surpass all its predecessors in splendour and discomfort. +No one was to be admitted who was not clad in cloth +either of gold or silver, and, while there were to be no +intervals between the dances, a great deal of the accommodation +usually reserved for such revellers as desired +rest or refreshment was being converted into seats to be +sold to any who cared to witness a pageant of unwonted +brilliancy. The fact that no one of us had attended a +function of this sort for more than five years, and the +excellence of the cause on behalf of which it was being +promoted, were responsible for our inclination to take +the tickets, for, with the exception of Jill, we were not +eager to subscribe to an entertainment which it was not +at all certain we should enjoy.</p> + +<p>At length—</p> + +<p>"I suppose we'd better take the tickets," I said +reflectively. "If we don't want to go, we needn't use +them."</p> + +<p>"Oh, we must use them," said Daphne; "and we've +got nothing on on Wednesday, as far as I can see."</p> + +<p>Berry cleared his throat.</p> + +<p>"It is patent," he said, "that my personal convenience +is of no consideration. But let that pass. I have +no objection to setting, as it were, the seal of success +upon the ball in question, provided that my costume +buttons in front, and has not less than two pockets which +are at once accessible and of a reasonable capacity. I +dare say they weren't fashionable in the fourteenth +century. No doubt our forefathers thought it a scream +to keep their handkerchiefs in their boots or the seat +of their trousers. But I'm funny like that. Last time +I had to give the fellow in the cloak-room half a crown +every time I wanted to blow my nose."</p> + +<p>"You four go," said Jonah. "I always feel such a +fool in fancy dress."</p> + +<p>"If you feel anything like the fool you look," said +Berry, "I'm sorry for you."</p> + +<p>Jonah lowered <i>The Sportsman</i> and surveyed the +speaker.</p> + +<p>"What you want," he said, "is a little honest toil. +I should take up scavenging, or sewerage. Something +that appeals to you."</p> + +<p>"I agree" said Daphne. "But you can't start this +morning, because you're coning with Jill and me to +choose the rug." She turned to me. "Boy dear, ring +up and take those tickets, will you?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>The spirit of reckless generosity which is so prominent +a characteristic of "Exchange" was very noticeable +this morning. The number I asked for, which was faithfully +repeated by the operator, was Mayfair 976. I was +connected successively to Hammersmith 24, Museum +113, and Mayfair 5800. After a decent interval I began +again.</p> + +<p>"Kennington Road Police Station," said a voice.</p> + +<p>"Kennington or Kennington Road?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Kennington Road. There ain't no Kennington."</p> + +<p>"Ain't—I mean, aren't there? I always thought.... +Never mind. How are the police?"</p> + +<p>"I say this is Kennington Road Police Station," +replied the voice with some heat.</p> + +<p>"I know you did. I heard you. Just now. If +you remember, I asked you if it was Kennington or +Kennington Road, and you said——"</p> + +<p>"'Oo <i>are</i> you?"</p> + +<p>To avoid any unpleasantness I replaced my receiver.</p> + +<p>Two minutes later, after an agreeable conversation +with "Supervisor," I arranged to purchase five tickets +for the Gold and Silver Ball.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"This," said the salesman, spreading a rug upon +the top of a fast-growing pile, "is a Shiraz."</p> + +<p>"I suppose," said Berry, "you haven't got a +Badgerabahd?"</p> + +<p>"I never came across one, sir."</p> + +<p>"They are rare," was the airy reply. "The best +ones used to be made in Germany and sent to Egypt. +By the tune the camels had finished with them, they'd +fetch anything from a millionaire to a foxhound."</p> + +<p>This was too much for Jill's gravity, and it was +only with an effort that Daphne controlled her voice.</p> + +<p>"I think that's very nice," she said shakily. "Don't +you?" she added, turning to me.</p> + +<p>"Beautiful piece of work," I agreed. "Some of it +appears to have been done after dinner, but otherwise...."</p> + +<p>"The pattern is invariably a little irregular, sir."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Berry. "That's what makes them so +valuable. Their lives are reflected in their rugs. Every +mat is a human document." With the ferrule of his +umbrella he indicated a soft blue line that was straying +casually from the course which its fellows had taken. +"That, for instance, is where Ethel the Unready demanded +a latchkey at the mature age of sixty-two. +And here we see Uncle Sennacherib fined two measures +of oil for being speechless before mid-day. I don't +think we'd better give her this one," he added. "She-bat +the Satyr seems to have got going about the middle, +and from what I remember——"</p> + +<p>"Haven't you got to go and get some socks?" said +Daphne desperately.</p> + +<p>"I have. Will you meet me for lunch, or shall I +meet you? I believe they do you very well at the +Zoo."</p> + +<p>The salesman retired precipitately into an office, +and my sister besought me tearfully to take her husband +away.</p> + +<p>"I might have known," she said in a choking voice. +"I was a fool to bring him."</p> + +<p>"Let's play at bears," said her husband. "It's +a priceless game. Every one gets under a different +rug and growls."</p> + +<p>Resignedly Daphne retired to the sofa. Jill sank +down upon the pile of rugs and shook silently. Observing +that we were unattended, another salesman was +hurrying in our direction. Before he could launch the +inevitable question—</p> + +<p>"I want a dog licence and some magic lanterns," +said Berry. "You know. The ones that get all hot +and smell."</p> + +<p>There was a shriek of laughter from Jill, and the +unfortunate assistant looked round wildly, as if for +support.</p> + +<p>Clearly something had to be done.</p> + +<p>I stepped forward and slid my arm through that of +the delinquent.</p> + +<p>"Enough," said I. "Come and devil the hosier. If +you're not quick all the socks will be gone."</p> + +<p>My brother-in-law eyed me suspiciously.</p> + +<p>"And leave my baggage?" he demanded, pointing +to Daphne. "Never. This is a ruse. Where is the +manager of the emporium? I dreamed about him last +night. He had brown boots on."</p> + +<p>I consulted my watch before replying.</p> + +<p>"By the time we get to the Club, Martinis will be in +season."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean that?" said Berry.</p> + +<p>"I do."</p> + +<p>"And a small but pungent cigar?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>He turned to the bewildered salesman.</p> + +<p>"Please attend to these ladies. They want to choose +an expensive-looking rug. Preferably a Shiraz. No +doubt they will be safe in your hands. Good morning."</p> + +<p>On the way out he stopped at a counter and purchased +one of the prettiest bead bags I have ever seen. He +ordered it to be sent to Daphne.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The omnibus was sailing down Oxford Street at a +good round pace, but it was the sudden draught from +a side street that twitched my hat from my head. I +turned to see the former describe a somewhat elegant +curve and make a beautiful landing upon the canopy of +a large limousine which was standing by the kerb some +seventy yards away. By the time I had alighted, that +distance was substantially increased. In some dudgeon +I proceeded to walk, with such remnants of dignity as I +could collect and retain, in tie direction of my lost property. +Wisdom suggested that I should run; but I felt +that the spectacle of a young man, hatless but otherwise +decently dressed and adequately protected from the +severity of the weather, needed but the suggestion of +impatience to make it wholly ridiculous. My vanity +was rightly served. I was still about thirty paces from +my objective, when the limousine drew out from the +pavement and into the stream of traffic which was +hurrying east.</p> + +<p>As my lips framed a particularly unpleasant expletive +a bell rang sharply, and I turned to see a taxi, which +had that moment been dismissed.</p> + +<p>"Oxford Circus," I cried, flinging open the door.</p> + +<p>A moment later we were near enough for me to indicate +the large limousine and to instruct my driver to +follow her.</p> + +<p>As we swept into Regent's Park, I began to wonder +whether I should not have been wiser to drive to Bond +Street and buy a new hat. By the time we had been +twice round the Ring I had no longer any doubt on +this point; but my blood was up, and I was determined +to run my quarry to earth, even if it involved a journey +to Hither Green.</p> + +<p>More than once we were almost out-distanced, three +times we were caught in a block of traffic, so that my +taxi's bonnet was nosing the limousine's tank. Once I +got out, but, as I stepped into the road, the waiting +stream was released, and the car slid away and round +the hull of a 'bus from under my very hand. My escape +from a disfiguring death beneath the wheels of a lorry +was so narrow that I refrained from a second attempt +to curtail my pursuit, and resigned myself to playing +a waiting game.</p> + +<p>When we emerged from the Park, my spirits rose +and I fell to studying what I could see of the lines of +the limousine, and to speculating whether I was being +led to Claridge's or the Ritz. I had just pronounced +In favour of the latter, when there fell upon my ears +the long regular spasm of ringing which is a fire-engine's +peremptory demand for instant way. Mechanically the +order was everywhere obeyed. The street was none too +wide, and a second and louder burst of resonance declared +that the fire-engine was hard upon our heels.</p> + +<p>The twenty yards separating us from the limousine +were my undoing. With a helpless glance at me over +his shoulder, my driver pulled in to the kerb, and we had +the felicity of watching the great blue car turn down a +convenient side street and flash out of sight.</p> + +<p>The engine swept by at a high smooth speed, the +traffic emerged from its state of suspended animation, +and in some annoyance I put my head out of the window +and directed my driver to drive to Bond Street.</p> + +<p>I had chosen a new hat and was on the point of +leaving the shop, when a chauffeur entered with a soft +grey hat in his hand. The hat resembled the one I had +Lost, and for a moment I hesitated. Then it occurred to +me that there were many such hats in London, and I +passed on and out of the door. Of course it was only a +coincidence. Still....</p> + +<p>Opposite me, drawn up by the kerb, was the large +blue limousine.</p> + +<p>The next moment I was back in the shop.</p> + +<p>"I rather think that's my hat," I said.</p> + +<p>The chauffeur looked round.</p> + +<p>"Is it, sir? 'Er ladyship see it on top o' the canopy +Just as I put 'er down at the Berkeley. 'Wilkins,' she +says, 'there's a 'at on the car.' 'A 'at, me lady?' says +I. 'A 'at,' says she. 'Fetch it down.' I fetches it +down and shows it 'er. 'An' a nice noo 'at, too,' she +says, 'wot must have blowed orf of a gent's 'ead, an' +'e on top of a 'bus, as like as not.' Then she looks inside +and see the initials and the name o' the shop. 'Take +it back where it come from,' she says. 'They'll know +oose it is.' 'Very good, me lady,' said I, an' come +straight down, sir."</p> + +<p>I took off the hat I was wearing and bade him read +the initials which had just been placed there. He did so +reluctantly. Then—</p> + +<p>"Very glad to 'ave found you so quick, sir. Shall +I tell them to send it along? You won't want to carry +it."</p> + +<p>"I'll see to that," said I, taking it out of his hand. +"Why didn't it blow off your canopy?"</p> + +<p>"The spare cover was 'oldin' it, sir. Must 'ave shifted +on to the brim as soon as it come there. I don't know +'ow long——"</p> + +<p>"Best part of an hour," I said shortly, giving him +a two-shilling piece. "Good day, and thanks very +much."</p> + +<p>He touched his cap and withdrew.</p> + +<p>A wrestle with mental arithmetic showed me that the +draught which I had encountered nearly an hour before +had cost me exactly one and a half guineas.</p> + +<p>Ordinarily I should have dismissed the matter from +my mind, but for some reason I had no sooner let the +chauffeur go than I was tormented by a persistent +curiosity regarding the identity of his considerate +mistress. If I had not promised to rejoin Berry for +lunch—a meal for which I was already half an hour +late—I should have gone to the Berkeley and scrutinized +the guests. The reflection that such a proceeding must +only have been unprofitable consoled me not at all, so +contrary a maid is Speculation. For the next two +hours Vexation rode me on the curb. I quarrelled with +Berry, I was annoyed with myself, and when the hall-porter +at the Club casually observed that there was "a +nasty wind," I agreed with such hearty and unexpected +bitterness that he started violently and dropped the pile +of letters which he was searching on my behalf.</p> + +<p>A visit to Lincoln's Inn Fields, however, with regard +to an estate of which I was a trustee, followed by a sharp +walk in the Park, did much to reduce the ridiculous +fever of which my folly lay sick, and I returned home +in a frame of mind almost as comfortable as that in +which I had set out.</p> + +<p>It was half-past four, but no one of the others was in, +so I ordered tea to be brought to the library, and settled +down to the composition of a letter to <i>The Observer</i>.</p> + +<p>I was in the act of recasting my second sentence, when +the light went out.</p> + +<p>By the glow of the fire I made my way to the door +A glance showed me that the hall and the staircase were +In darkness. It was evident that a fuse had come to a +violent end.</p> + +<p>I closed the door and returned to my seat. Then I +reached for the telephone and put the receiver to my +ear.</p> + +<p>"What an extraordinary thing!" said a voice. +"And you've no idea whose it was?"</p> + +<p>"Not the slightest," came the reply. There was a +musical note in the girlish tone that would have +attracted any one. "There it was, on the top of the +car, when we got to the Berkeley. It wasn't such a bad +hat, either."</p> + +<p>"Excuse me," said I. "It was a jolly good hat."</p> + +<p>A long tense silence followed my interruption. At +length—</p> + +<p>"I say, are you there, Dot?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," came the reply in an excited whisper. "Who +was that speaking?"</p> + +<p>"I've not the faintest idea," rejoined the first voice +I had heard. "Somebody must have got on to our +line. I expect——"</p> + +<p>A familiar explosion severed the sentence with the +clean efficiency of the guillotine.</p> + +<p>"Isn't that sickening?" said I. "Now we shall +never know what her theory was."</p> + +<p>"It's all your fault, whoever you are. If you hadn't +butted in——"</p> + +<p>"I don't know what you mean," I retorted. "I +was ushered into your presence, so to speak, by <i>la +force majeure</i>. French. Very difficult."</p> + +<p>"Well, when you heard us talking, you ought to +have got off the line."</p> + +<p>"I should have, if you hadn't started disparaging +my headgear. I repeat, it was a hat of unusual elegance. +It had a personality of its own."</p> + +<p>"But it wasn't your hat we were discussing."</p> + +<p>I sighed.</p> + +<p>"All right," I said wearily. "It wasn't. Have it +your own way. Some other fool followed a silver-grey +Homburg twice round the Park this morning. Some +other fool——"</p> + +<p>A little gasp interrupted me.</p> + +<p>"But how did you know my number?"</p> + +<p>"I didn't. I don't. I never could have been about +to should. Negatives all the way. It's just chance, my +dear. Chance with a Capital J—I mean C. D'you +mind if I smoke?"</p> + +<p>Her reply was preceded by a refreshing gurgle.</p> + +<p>"Not at all," said my lady. "D'you mean to say +you chased us all that way?"</p> + +<p>"Further. And if it hadn't been for that fire-engine——"</p> + +<p>"I remember. Wilkins turned down a side-street."</p> + +<p>"Exactly."</p> + +<p>"What a shame. Well, if you go to your hatter's +you'll get it again."</p> + +<p>"Your ingenuity is only equalled by your consideration. +Isn't that neatly put? You see, I'm writing a +letter to <i>The Observer</i>, and, when I get going, I can just +say things like that one after another."</p> + +<p>"How wonderful. But I'm afraid I'm interrupting +you, and I shouldn't like to deprive Humanity——"</p> + +<p>"Your name," said I, "is Dot. But I shall call +you Mockery. And if you're half as sweet as you +sound——"</p> + +<p>"Good-bye."</p> + +<p>I protested earnestly.</p> + +<p>"Please don't say that. We've only just met. +Besides ... why was Clapham Common?"</p> + +<p>"Clapham what?"</p> + +<p>"No, Common. Why was Clapham Common?"</p> + +<p>"Well, why was it?"</p> + +<p>"I can't think, my dear. I thought you might know. +It's worried me for years."</p> + +<p>There was a choking sound, which suggested indignation +struggling with laughter. Then—</p> + +<p>"I've a good mind to ring off right away," said Dot +in a shaking voice.</p> + +<p>"That would be cruel. Think of the dance you led +me this morning. More. Think of the dances you're +going to give me on Wednesday week."</p> + +<p>"Oh, you're going, are you?"</p> + +<p>"If you are."</p> + +<p>"What as?" she demanded.</p> + +<p>"A billiard-marker in the time of Henry the Fourth. +And you?"</p> + +<p>"I can't rise to that. I'm going as myself in a silver +frock."</p> + +<p>"Could anything be sweeter? A little silver Dot. I +shall cancel the body-snatcher—I mean billiard-marker—and +go as Carry One. Then we can dance together +all the evening. By the way, in case I don't hear your +voice, how shall I know you?"</p> + +<p>"A dot," said my lady, "is that which hath position, +but no magnitude."</p> + +<p>"Possibly," said I. "It hath also a dear voice, which, +though it be produced indefinitely, will never tire. All +the same, in view of the capacity of the Albert Hall, +you've not given me much to go on."</p> + +<p>"As a matter of fact, each of us is going as a parallel +line. And that's why I can tell you that I like the sound +of you, and—oh, well, enough said."</p> + +<p>"Thank you, Dot. And why parallel lines?"</p> + +<p>"They never meet. So long."</p> + +<p>There was a faint chunk.</p> + +<p>My lady had rung off.</p> + +<p>Heavily I hung up my receiver.</p> + +<p>When the others came in, I was still sitting in the dark +at the table, thinking....</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The bitter wind reigned over London for seven long +days, meting untempered chastisement to its reluctant +subjects, and dying unwept and gasping on a Monday +night. Tuesday was fair, still by comparison and +indeed. The sun shone and the sky was blue, and the +smoke rose straight out of its chimneys with never the +breath of a breeze to bend it, or even to set its columns +swaying over the high roofs. There was a great calm. +But, with it all, the weather was terribly cold.</p> + +<p>That rare beauty which Dusk may bring to the +Metropolis was that evening vouchsafed. Streets that +were mean put off their squalor, ways that were handsome +became superb. Grime went unnoticed, ugliness +fell away. All things crude or staring became indistinct, +veiled with a web of that soft quality which only +Atmosphere can spin and, having spun, hang about +buildings of a windless eve.</p> + +<p>As Night drew on, Magic came stealing down the +blurred highways. Lamps became lanterns, shedding +a muffled light, deepening and charging with mystery +the darkness beyond. Old friends grew unfamiliar. +Where they had stood, fantastic shapes loomed out of +the mist and topless towers rose up spectral to baffle +memory. Perspective fled, shadow and stuff were one, +and, save where the radiance of the shops in some proud +thoroughfare made gaudy noon of evening, the streets of +Town were changed to echoing halls and long, dim, +rambling galleries, hung all with twinkling lights that +stabbed the gloom but deep enough to show their +presence, as do the stars.</p> + +<p>So, slowly and with a dazzling smile, London put on +her cloak of darkness. By eight o'clock you could not +see two paces ahead.</p> + +<p>On Wednesday morning the fog was denser than it +had been the night before. There was no sign of its +abatement, not a puff of wind elbowed its way through +the yellow drift, and the cold was intense. The prospect +of leaving a comfortable home at nine in the evening +to undertake a journey of some two miles, clad in +habiliments which, while highly ornamental, were about +as protective from cold as a grape-skin rug, was anything +but alluring.</p> + +<p>For reasons of my own, however, I was determined to +get to the Ball. My sister, whom nothing daunted, and +Jill, who was wild with excitement, and had promised +readily to reserve more dances than could possibly be +rendered, were equally firm. Jonah thought it a fool's +game, and said as much. Berry was of the same opinion, +but expressed it less bluntly, and much more offensively. +After a long tirade—</p> + +<p>"All right," he concluded. "You go. It's Lombard +Street to a china orange you'll never get there, and, if +you do, you'll never get back. None of the band'll turn +up, and if you find twenty other fools in the building to +exchange colds with, you'll be lucky. To leave your +home on a night like this is fairly clamouring for the +special brand of trouble they keep for paralytic idiots. +I've known you all too long to expect sagacity, but the +instinct of self-preservation characterizes even the lower +animals. What swine, for instance, would leave its +cosy sty——"</p> + +<p>"How dare you?" said Daphne. "Besides, you +can't say 'its.' Swine's plural."</p> + +<p>"My reference was to the fever-swine," was the cold +reply. "A singular species. Comparable only with the +deep-sea dip-sheep."</p> + +<p>"I think you're very unkind," said Jill, pouting. +"Boy can walk in front with a lamp, and Jonah can +walk behind with a lamp——"</p> + +<p>"And I can walk on both sides, I suppose, with a +brazier in either hand. Oh, this is too easy."</p> + +<p>"We can but try," said I.</p> + +<p>"You can but close your ugly head," said Berry. +"If you want to walk about London half the night, +looking like a demobilised pantaloon, push off and do +it. But don't try and rope in innocent parties."</p> + +<p>To this insult I made an appropriate reply, and the +argument waxed. At length——</p> + +<p>"There's no reason," said Jonah, "why we shouldn't +go on like this for ever. If we had any sense, we should +send for Fitch and desire his opinion. It's rather more +valuable than any one of ours, and, after all, he's more +or less interested. And you can trust him."</p> + +<p>Now, Fitch was our chauffeur.</p> + +<p>Amid a chorus of approval, I went to the telephone to +speak to the garage.</p> + +<p>I was still waiting to be connected, when—</p> + +<p>"Is that the Club?" said a voice.</p> + +<p>"No," said I. "Nothing like it."</p> + +<p>"Well, there's a bag of mine in the hall, and——"</p> + +<p>"No, there isn't," said I.</p> + +<p>"What d'you mean?" was the indignant retort.</p> + +<p>"What I say. Our hall is bagless."</p> + +<p>"I say," said the voice with laboured clarity, "I +say there is a bag in the hall. A BAG. Hang it all, +you know what a bag is?"</p> + +<p>"Rather," said I heartily. "What you put nuts in. +An uncle of mine had one."</p> + +<p>The vehemence with which the unknown subscriber +replaced his receiver was terrible to hear.</p> + +<p>Ten minutes later Fitch entered the room.</p> + +<p>"Can you get to the Albert Hall to-night, Fitch?" +said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"I think so, madam. If we go slow."</p> + +<p>"Can you get back from the Albert Hall to-morrow +afternoon?" said Berry.</p> + +<p>"If I can get there, sir, I can get back."</p> + +<p>"How long will it take?"</p> + +<p>"I ought to do it in 'alf an hour, sir. I can push +along in the Park, where it's all straight going. It's +getting along the streets as'll take the time. It's not +that I won't find me way, but it's the watchin' out for +the hother vehicles, so as they don't run into you."</p> + +<p>"Bit of an optimist, aren't you?"</p> + +<p>"I don't think so, sir."</p> + +<p>"Thank you, Fitch," said Daphne hastily. "Half-past +nine, please."</p> + +<p>"Very good, madam."</p> + +<p>He bowed and withdrew.</p> + +<p>Triumphantly my sister regarded her husband.</p> + +<p>"At making a mountain out of a molehill," she said, +"no one can touch you."</p> + +<p>Berry returned her gaze with a malevolent stare. +Then he put a thumb to his nose and extended his +fingers in her direction.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The unfortunate incident occurred in the vicinity +of Stanhope Gate.</p> + +<p>So far we had come very slowly, but without incident, +and, in spite of the fact that we were insufficiently clad, +we were nice and warm. For this, so far as Berry and +I were concerned, two footwarmers and a pair of rugs +were largely responsible, for the elaborate nature of +our costumes put the wearing of overcoats out of the +question. A high-collared Italian cloak of the shape +that was seen in the time of Elizabeth made it impossible +for me to wear a <i>surtout</i> of any description, +and I was reduced to wrapping a muffler about my +neck and holding a woollen shawl across my chest, +while Berry, in that puffed and swollen array, which +instantly remembers Henry the Eighth, derived what +comfort he could from an enormous cloak of Irish +frieze which, while it left his chest uncovered, succeeded +in giving him a back about four feet square.</p> + +<p>Hitherto we had encountered little or no traffic, and +an excellent judgment, coupled with something akin +to instinct, on the part of Fitch had brought us surely +along the streets; but here, almost before we knew +it, there were vehicles in front and on either side. +Hoarse directions were being shouted, lanterns were +being waved, engines were running, and a few feet +away frantic endeavours were being made to persuade +a pair of horses to disregard twin headlights whose +brilliancy was adding to the confusion. Berry lowered +the window.</p> + +<p>"What about it, Fitch?"</p> + +<p>"Well, sir, I'm just opposite the gate, but it's rather +awkward to slip across, in case I meet somethin'. If +I 'as to pull up 'alf-way, we might be run into."</p> + +<p>"Which means that one of us must guide you over?"</p> + +<p>"It'd be safer, sir."</p> + +<p>By a majority of three it was decided that Berry +should enact the <i>rôle</i> of conducting officer. Jonah had +a cold, and was sitting on the back seat between the +girls. I had no coat, and required the services of both +hands if I was to hold my shawl in position. Only my +brother-in-law remained. He did not go down without +a struggle, but after a vigorous but vain appeal "to +our better natures," he compared himself to a lion +beset by jackals, commented bitterly upon "the hot air +which is breathed about self-sacrifice," and, directing +that after death his veins should be opened in the +presence of not less than twelve surgeons, as a preliminary +to his interment in the Dogs' Cemetery, +opened the door and stepped sideways into the roadway.</p> + +<p>His efforts to remove the offside oil lamp, which was +hot to the touch, were most diverting, and twice he +returned to the window to ask us to make less noise. +At last, however, with the assistance of Fitch, the lamp +was unhooked, and a moment later our absurd link-boy +advanced cautiously in the direction of the gate.</p> + +<p>Fitch let in the clutch.</p> + +<p>We must have been half-way across, when a lamp +of extraordinary power came gliding up on the near +side, confusing all eyes and altogether effacing our +guiding light.</p> + +<p>Fitch applied his brakes and cried out a warning. +Instantly the lamp stopped, but its glare was blinding +and our chauffeur was clearly afraid to move.</p> + +<p>In a flash I was out of the car and holding my shawl +over the face of the offender. At once Fitch took the +car forward. As I fell in behind, I heard Berry's +voice.</p> + +<p>"Thank you. I hope I didn't jostle your 'bus. Yes, +I am completely and utterly lost. No, I don't mind at +all. I'm going to bale out the drinking-trough and +sleep there. And in the morning they'll take me to +the Foundling Hospital. Hullo. That's done it. +Blind me first and then run me down. What are you? +A travelling lighthouse or an air-raid? Want to get to +Cannon Street? Well, I should go round by sea, if I +were you.... Well, if you must know, I'm Mary +Pickford about to be trodden to death in <i>Maelstrom</i> +or <i>Safety Last</i>. You know, you're not racing your +engine enough. I can still hear myself think...."</p> + +<p>His voice grew fainter and stopped.</p> + +<p>Vigorously I shouted his name. A cold draught, and +we swept into the Park. Fitch pulled up on the left-hand +side.</p> + +<p>"Berry, Berry!" I shouted.</p> + +<p>In the distance I could hear voices, but no one +answered me....</p> + +<p>In response to my sister's exhortations I re-entered +the car, and drew a rug over my shivering limbs. The +others put their heads out of the windows and shouted +for Berry in unison. There was no reply.</p> + +<p>For a quarter of an hour we shouted at intervals. +Then Jonah took the other lamp and returned to the +gate. He did not reappear for ten minutes, and we were +beginning to give him up, when to our relief he opened +the door.</p> + +<p>"No good," he said curtly. "We'd better get on. +He's probably gone home."</p> + +<p>"I suppose he's all right," said Daphne, in some +uneasiness.</p> + +<p>"You can't come to any harm on foot," said I. +"Everything's going dead slow for its own sake. And +when I last heard him, he was having the time of his +life. Incidentally, as like as not, he'll strike a car +that's going to the Ball and ask for a lift."</p> + +<p>"I expect he will," said Jill. "There must be any +amount on the way."</p> + +<p>"All right," said my sister. "Tell Fitch to carry +on."</p> + +<p>Twenty minutes later that good helmsman set us +down at the main entrance to the Albert Hall.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The conditions prevailing within that edifice suggested +that few, if any, ticket-holders had been deterred +from attending by the conditions prevailing without. +The boxes were full, the floor was packed, the corridors +were thronged with eager shining revellers, dancing +and strolling and chattering to beat the band, which +was flooding every corner of the enormous building with +an air of gaiety so infectious that even the staid Jonah +began to grumble that the dance would be over before +the girls emerged from the cloakroom.</p> + +<p>The Field of the Cloth of Gold cannot have presented +a more splendid spectacle. True, there was nothing of +the pageant about the function, neither were Pomp +and Chivalry among the guests. But Grace was there, +and Ease and Artlessness, lending the scene that +warmth and life and verity which Form and Ceremony +do not allow.</p> + +<p>The utter hopelessness of encountering my lady of +the limousine was so apparent that I relegated a +ridiculous notion which I had been harbouring to the +region of things impossible, and determined to think +about it no more. For all that, I occasionally found +myself scanning the crowd of strangers and wondering +whether there was one amongst them whose voice I +knew. It was during one of these lapses that I heard +my name.</p> + +<p>"Who have you lost?" asked Maisie Dukedom, all +radiant as a gold shepherdess.</p> + +<p>"Dance with me," said I, "and I'll tell you."</p> + +<p>She glanced at a tiny wrist-watch.</p> + +<p>"I promised I wouldn't stay more than an hour," +she said, "and I ought to be going. But I want to +thank you for that beautiful rug. If I give you the +next, will you get the car for me as soon as it's over?"</p> + +<p>"If you must go."</p> + +<p>She nodded, and we pushed off into the rapids.</p> + +<p>"And now, who is it?" she demanded.</p> + +<p>"I thought you were going to thank me for the rug."</p> + +<p>She made a little grimace of impatience.</p> + +<p>"The best way I can thank you is to tell you the +truth. Jack and I went to buy a rug at Lucifer's."</p> + +<p>"That's where we got yours."</p> + +<p>She pinched my arm.</p> + +<p>"Will you listen? We must have got to the shop +directly you'd left. The one you'd bought was still +lying there. We both thought it feet above any other +rug there, and, when they said it was sold, I nearly +cried. We were so fed up that we said we wouldn't +get a rug at all, and went off to look at book-cases and +chests of drawers. I didn't get home till six, and, when +I did, there was your present. Are you satisfied?"</p> + +<p>"Overwhelmed."</p> + +<p>"Good. Now, who's the lady?"</p> + +<p>"That's just what I can't tell you. I know her +voice, but not her countenance. Her name is Dot—Lady +Dot. She drives in a blue limousine and she's +here to-night."</p> + +<p>Maisie assumed a serious air.</p> + +<p>"This," she said, "is terrible. Does your life +depend upon finding her? I mean ... it's worse +than a needle in a bundle of hay, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>"Infinitely."</p> + +<p>"You can wash out the limousine, because you +won't see it. And the voice, because you won't hear +it. And her name, because she won't be labelled. +There's really nothing left, is there?"</p> + +<p>Gloomily I assented.</p> + +<p>"I'm sorry," said Maisie. "I'd like to have helped." +The music slowed up and died. "And now will you +see me off?"</p> + +<p>We made our way towards the exit.</p> + +<p>I had found her footman and sent him to summon +the car, and was standing within the main entrance, +when a familiar figure began with difficulty to emerge +from a car which had just arrived. Berry. Having +succeeded in projecting himself on to the steps, he +turned to hand his companion out of the car, as he +did so presenting to the astonished doorkeepers a +back of such startling dimensions that the one nearest +to me recoiled, for all his seasoning.</p> + +<p>I was wondering who was the muffled Samaritan +that had brought him along, when the chauffeur leaned +forward as if to receive instructions when to return. +The light of the near-side lamp showed me the genial +features of that communicative fellow who had restored +my grey hat some nine days before.</p> + +<p>Tall and slight, his mistress turned to the doorway, +and I saw a well-shaped head, couped at the throat by +the white of an ermine stole. Dark hair swept low +over her forehead, an attractive smile sat on her pretty +mouth, and there was a fine colour springing in her +cheeks.</p> + +<p>She looked up to see me staring.</p> + +<p>For a moment a pair of grey eyes met mine steadily. +Then—</p> + +<p>"Is the car here?" said Maisie over my shoulder. +"Hullo, Berry." Suddenly she saw his companion. +"Betty, my dear, I thought you were in Scotland."</p> + +<p>Under pretence of arranging her wrap, I breathed +Into her ear—</p> + +<p>"Introduce me."</p> + +<p>She did so without a tremor.</p> + +<p>"And give him the next dance for me," she added. +"I've just cut one of his, and he's been most forgiving."</p> + +<p>"Too late," said Berry. "I have not wasted the +shining thirty minutes which I have just spent in +Lady Elizabeth's luxurious car. She knows him for +the craven that he is."</p> + +<p>"I must judge for myself," said my lady, turning to +me with a smile. "He's given you a terrible——"</p> + +<p>The sentence was never finished, for Berry turned to +look at somebody, and Maisie noticed his back for the +first time. Her involuntary cry was succeeded by a +peal of laughter which attracted the attention of +every one within earshot, and in a moment my brother-in-law +found himself the object of much interested +amusement, which the majority of onlookers made no +attempt to conceal.</p> + +<p>My lady fled to her cloakroom. Hastily I escorted +Maisie, still helpless with laughter, to her car.</p> + +<p>I returned to find Berry entertaining a large audience +of complete strangers in the vestibule with a fantastic +account of his experiences at Stanhope Gate. Concealing +myself behind a pillar, I awaited Lady Elizabeth's +return.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Berry. "Betrayed by my accomplices, +I found myself, as it were, a shred of flotsam adrift in +the darkling streets. Several people thought I was the +Marble Arch, and left me on the left. Others, more +discerning, conjured me to pull in to the kerb. Removing +from my north instep the hoof which, upon examination, +I found to be attached to a large mammal, I +started to wade south-west and by south, hoping against +hope and steering by the Milky Way. Happily +I had my ration-card, and I derived great comfort +from its pregnant directions, which I read from time +to time by the smell of the red-hot lamp which I +was bearing...."</p> + +<p>Here my lady appeared, and I led her into the +corridor and on to the floor.</p> + +<p>As she had promised, she was wearing a silver frock. +One white shoulder was left bare, and a heavy fringe, +that swayed evenly with her every movement, made the +sum line of her dress still more graceful. Silvery +stockings covered her gleaming ankles, and she was +shod with silver shoes.</p> + +<p>For a little we spoke of Berry, and she told me +how he had boarded her car and respectfully begged +her compassion. Then I spoke of the bitter wind which +had blown us about so inconsiderately, before the fog +had come to lay upon us stripes of another kind.</p> + +<p>"I lost my hat one day," I added casually.</p> + +<p>At that she jumped in my arms as if I had stabbed +her, but I took no notice, and we danced on.</p> + +<p>Deliberately I recounted my loss and my pursuit, +only omitting my encounter with her chauffeur.</p> + +<p>"I happen to know," I concluded, "that the lady +of the limousine is here to-night. Before the ball is +over I shall have danced with her."</p> + +<p>"But you've never seen her," she protested.</p> + +<p>"I know her voice."</p> + +<p>She laughed musically.</p> + +<p>"Aren't you a bit of an optimist?" she queried.</p> + +<p>"I don't think so. And she's just sweet."</p> + +<p>"But if you don't know her name, how can you +hope——"</p> + +<p>"Her name," I said, "is Dot."</p> + +<p>The hand upon my shoulder shook slightly.</p> + +<p>We danced on.</p> + +<p>At length—</p> + +<p>"That's not very much to go on," said Elizabeth.</p> + +<p>I sighed.</p> + +<p>"Don't discourage me," I said. "When I find her, +d'you think she'll give me the seven dances she said +she would?"</p> + +<p>"O-o-oh, I never...." She choked and began to +cough violently, so that I drew her out of the press and +into a vacant corner. "I never heard of such a thing," +she continued ingeniously.</p> + +<p>"You wicked girl," said I. "Why was Clapham +Common?"</p> + +<p>For a moment she looked at me speechless. Then +she began to laugh tremulously....</p> + +<p>With a crash the jazz came to an end. Almost +immediately another orchestra took up the running, +and the strains of a valse rose up, plaintive and +tempting.</p> + +<p>I looked at my lady.</p> + +<p>"Have I earned my dances, Dot?"</p> + +<p>She hesitated. Then—</p> + +<p>"Carry on, Carry One," she said.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV</h2> + +<p>HOW NOBBY CAME TO SLEEP UPON MY BED, AND BERRY +FELL AMONG THIEVES.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">T</span>houghtfully I read the letter again.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>... It nearly breaks my heart to say so, but +I've got to part with Nobby. I'm going to India to join +Richard, you know, and I'm sailing next week. I +think you'd get on together. He's a one-man dog and +a bit queer-tempered with strangers—all Sealyhams are. +But he's a good little chap—very sporting, very healthy, +and a real beauty. Let me know one way or the other, +and, if you'd like to have him, I'll send him round with +his licence and pedigree.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours very sincerely,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Josephine Childe</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>P.S.—He's always slept on my bed.</i></p> + +<p>The letter had been forwarded to me from London, +for I was spending the week-end in Leicestershire with +the Scarlets.</p> + +<p>I looked across the flagged hall to my host, who was +leaning against a table with a hunting horn in each +hand, listening critically to the noise he was making, +and endeavouring to decide upon which of the two +instruments he could wind the most inspiring call.</p> + +<p>"Live and let live," said I. With a grin Bertram +suspended his operations. "Listen. I've been offered +a Sealyham."</p> + +<p>"Take him," was the reply. "Your guests will +regret it, but you won't. They're high-spirited and +they're always full of beans. Hard as nails, too," he +added. "You'll never kill him. Tell me." He brandished +the horn which he held in his right hand. +"Don't you think this sounds the best?" With an +effort he produced a most distressing sound. "Or +this?" Putting the other to his lips, he emitted a +precisely similar note.</p> + +<p>"There's no difference at all," said I, crossing to a +bureau. "They're equally painful. They do it rather +better at level-crossings on the Continent."</p> + +<p>"It is patent," said Bertram, "that you have no +ear for music."</p> + +<p>"All right," said I, making ready to write. "You +try it. The hounds'll all sit up and beg or something. +I suppose it's too much to expect to find a pen that'll +write here," I added, regarding uneasily the enormous +quill with which the bureau was decorated.</p> + +<p>"That's a jolly good pen," said Bertram indignantly. +"Every one says so."</p> + +<p>I grunted my disbelief.</p> + +<p>"Which end shall I use?"</p> + +<p>"I recommend the right one," rejoined my host +with ponderous sarcasm. "But, as I have yet to +meet any one who can read your writing, I don't suppose +it matters."</p> + +<p>"I have often deplored the company you keep," +said I, and with that I selected a large sheet of paper +and wrote as follows—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Dear Miss Childe,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I'd like to have Nobby very much. I'm awfully +sorry for you, but I'll be very kind to him for both your +sakes. The reference you give him is most satisfactory. +I suppose he'll want one evening a week and every other +Sunday. And will he do in the front steps and spoil +the knives? Or only ruin the boots? I beg your pardon. +For the moment I was thinking of the cook who +nearly engaged us. Only she wanted a pension after +six months' service. It was very nice of you to think of +me. I'll write you a proper letter when I send you a +receipt. I return to Town to-morrow.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours very sincerely,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot">....</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>P.S.—He shall always sleep on mine.</i></p> + +<p>As I was addressing the envelope, the butler entered +the hall. I gave him the letter, and he promised to +see that it was dispatched that day. A knowledge of +Bertram's household suggested this precaution.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>As I had told Miss Childe, on the following day I +returned to Town. It was the last Monday but one +before Christmas, and Jonah's birthday. To do the +latter honour, we were to dine all together at Claridge's +and go on to an entertainment, presented in a house +in which smoking was permitted, and of such a nature +that you gained rather than lost by arriving late.</p> + +<p>I reached home with sufficient time only to bathe +and dress, and it was not until we were half-way through +dinner that I learned that my letter to Miss Childe +had borne immediate fruit.</p> + +<p>"By the way," said Daphne suddenly; "did the servants +give you that message from Josephine Childe?" +I shook my head. "It was down on the telephone +block, but I suppose you were too hurried to look at +that. 'Miss Childe's compliments, and Nobby will +be round this evening.'" Hardly I suppressed an +exclamation. "We're all mad to know what it means. +Berry scents an intrigue and says it's a cipher."</p> + +<p>"Worse," said I. "It's a dog."</p> + +<p>"A dog?" cried Daphne and Jill together.</p> + +<p>"A dog. You know. A small quadruped. Something +like a cat, only with hair."</p> + +<p>"I know," said Berry excitedly. "I know. I've +seen pictures of them."</p> + +<p>"Fools. Both of you," said my sister. "What's +she giving you a dog for?"</p> + +<p>I explained the nature of the transaction.</p> + +<p>"I have every reason to believe," I concluded, +"that he will become one of us."</p> + +<p>The others exchanged meaning looks.</p> + +<p>"Is he any particular breed?" said Berry. "Or +just a pot-pourri?"</p> + +<p>I braced myself with a draught of champagne before +replying. Then—</p> + +<p>"He's a Sealyham," I said.</p> + +<p>Uprose a damnatory chorus.</p> + +<p>"I do hereby protest," said Berry. "A barbarous +breed, notorious for its unprovoked ferocity. Peaceable +possession of our tenement will be unknown. +Ingress and egress will be denied us. Substantial compensation +will be an everyday affair. Any more for +the Pasteur Institute?"</p> + +<p>"Rot," said I. "You're jealous."</p> + +<p>"They've awfully uncertain tempers," said Daphne. +"Maisie Dukedom had one, and it went down and bit +a new cook, who'd just come, before she'd got her +things off. They had to give her five pounds, put her +up at an hotel for the night, and pay her fare back to +Bristol. And she had wonderful references."</p> + +<p>"Instinct," said I. "The dog saw through her. +They ought to have been grateful."</p> + +<p>"Truth is," said Jonah, "they're a bit too sporting +for London."</p> + +<p>"Look here," said I, consulting my watch. "At +the present moment the poor little dog is probably +fretting his soul out in the servants' hall. So we'll +have to keep him to-night. If he's the ravening beast +you say he is, he shall be fired to-morrow. If not, I +shall stick to him. That's fair enough, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>"He's going to be a darling," said Jill. "I'm sure +of it."</p> + +<p>Before we left for the theatre, I telephoned home and +spoke to the butler.</p> + +<p>"Is that you, Falcon?"</p> + +<p>"It is, sir."</p> + +<p>"Any dogs come for me?"</p> + +<p>"Only one, sir."</p> + +<p>"Is he all right?"</p> + +<p>"Seems a little unsettled, sir, and—er—suspicious. +He was rather short with Fitch sir, when he come in, +but he had his leggin's on, sir, so there's no 'arm done. +He's all right with me, sir."</p> + +<p>I thought of the Dukedoms' cook and moistened +my lips.</p> + +<p>"See that he has a run on the lead before you go to +bed," I said as nonchalantly as possible, "and then +put him upstairs on my bed."</p> + +<p>"Very good, sir."</p> + +<p>I returned to the lounge.</p> + +<p>"Has the little bit of Heaven arrived?" said Berry</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>"Casualties?"</p> + +<p>"Nil," said I. "Everything in the garden is lovely."</p> + +<p>"No doubt," said Berry. "And the servants' hall? +I suppose that's a shambles."</p> + +<p>"Don't be silly," said I. "He's as good as gold."</p> + +<p>"There you are," said Jill staunchly.</p> + +<p>"Cupboard love," said Berry. "You wait till we +come in. I shouldn't be surprised if he concentrated +on me. They always aim high. It will be your duty," +he added, turning to Daphne, "to suck the wound. +That is a wife's privilege."</p> + +<p>"The best thing," said Jonah, "is to hold a cigarette-end +to the place."</p> + +<p>"I beg your pardon," said Berry.</p> + +<p>"Well, an iron takes such a time to heat."</p> + +<p>In a voice shaken with emotion my brother-in-law +stated that he should regard any such treatment as a +treacherous and aggravated assault upon his person.</p> + +<p>"Don't let there be any mistake about it," he concluded. +"I'm not going to have any amateur life-savers +burning holes in my body in the hope of being +recommended by the Coroner's Jury. If I've got to +die, I'll just go mad in the ordinary way, thank you. +I wonder who I shall bite first," he added pleasantly.</p> + +<p>"Don't you worry," said I. "Think what hydrophobia +means."</p> + +<p>"What does it mean?"—suspiciously.</p> + +<p>"A horror of water," said I. "You must have had +it for years."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>We left the theatre about eleven o'clock.</p> + +<p>We had just come in, and I was disrobing in the +hall—Berry was speaking to the chauffeur—when an +exclamation from Jill, who was on the point of following +Daphne and Jonah into the library, made me look +round.</p> + +<p>On the top step of the first flight of stairs stood a +little white dog, regarding us squarely. He might +have been painted by Maud Earl. His ears were +pricked, his little forefeet placed close together, his +tail was upright. A gas officer would have said that +he was "in the alert position."</p> + +<p>"Hello, Nobby," said I. "How goes it?"</p> + +<p>At the sound of his name the terrier put his small +head on one side with an air of curiosity as evident as +it was attractive.</p> + +<p>"What a darling!" cried Jill.</p> + +<p>As she spoke I heard a latch-key inserted, and the +next moment Berry pushed open the door.</p> + +<p>Breathing out threatenings, the darling streaked +down the stairs and across the hall to the new-comer's +feet, where he stood with his back arched, one fore-paw +raised, and bared teeth, emitting a long low +snarl, while there was a look in the bright brown eyes +which there was no mistaking.</p> + +<p>My brother-in-law stood as if rooted to the spot.</p> + +<p>Jill began to shake with laughter.</p> + +<p>"What did I say?" said Berry, remaining motionless. +"Can't enter my own house now. It's all +right, old chap," he added, gazing at Nobby with a +winning smile. "I belong here."</p> + +<p>His statement was not accepted. Nobby, who was +clearly taking no risks, replied with a growl charged +with such malevolence that I thought it advisable to +interfere.</p> + +<p>I addressed myself to the terrier.</p> + +<p>"Good man," I said reassuringly, patting Berry +upon the shoulder.</p> + +<p>Jonah contends that the dog construed my movement +as an attempted assault, which it was his duty +to abet. In any event, in less time than it takes to +record, the growl culminated in that vicious flurry +which invariably accompanies the closing of jaws, +there was a noise of torn cloth, and with a yell Berry +leapt for and reached the bookcase to which he adhered, +clinging rather than perched, after the manner +of a startled ape.</p> + +<p>A roar of laughter from me and long, tremulous +wails of merriment from Jill brought my sister and +Jonah pellmell upon a never-to-be-forgotten scene.</p> + +<p>The four of us huddled together, helpless with mirth, +while Berry, calling upon Sirius, clung desperately to +the bookcase, and Nobby, clearly interpreting our merriment +as applause, stood immediately below his victim, +panting a little with excitement and wagging his tail +tentatively.</p> + +<p>"After all," said my brother-in-law, "what is +Death? A b-b-bagatelle. Excelsior. Of course, I +ought to have a banner, really. Just to wave as I +fall. Two and a half guineas these trousers cost. +Think of the dogs you could get for that. Excelsior. +Seriously, I should get him a set of false teeth and keep +them locked up. It'll save in the end. Yes, I know +it's side-splitting. I'm only sorry I haven't got a +tail. Then I could hang from the electric light. As +it is, what about calling off the dog? Not that I'm +not comfortable. And the air up here's lovely. +But——"</p> + +<p>With an effort I pulled myself together and laid a +hand on Jill's shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Here," I said, nodding in Berry's direction, "here +we have the Flat-footed Baboon, an animal of diverting +but vulgar habits. That between its eyes is its +nose. The only other known specimen is at Dartmoor."</p> + +<p>"D'you mind not talking?" said Berry. "I'm +just thinking out your death. They say pressing is +very painful. Or would you rather call off the mammal?"</p> + +<p>I picked up Nobby and put him under my arm.</p> + +<p>"You know, you're a wicked dog," said I.</p> + +<p>For a moment his bright brown eyes met mine. +Then with a sudden movement he put up a cold black +nose and licked my face....</p> + +<p>Before we retired that night, Berry had admitted +that Nobby had his points, Nobby had accepted from +Berry a caviare sandwich, and I had handed my brother-in-law +a cheque for two pounds twelve shillings and +sixpence.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It had been arranged that we should spend Christmas +with the St. Martins in Wiltshire, and we were +to make the journey on the twenty-third. High festival +was to be held at Red Abbey, a fine old place +with mullioned windows and a great panelled hall that +smacked of revelry and Christmas cheer even in summertime. +On Christmas Eve there was to be a dance, on +Boxing Day a tenants' ball, and on Christmas Day +itself the house-party of twenty souls was to assemble +for dinner correctly attired after the manner of children +of tender years.</p> + +<p>So far as clothes could do it, the spirit of childhood +was to be recaptured that night. Guests had been +put upon their honour to eschew evasion. Kilts and +sailor suits had been forbidden, as was any suit or +frock which was not the monopoly of juveniles. +Hair was to be worn down, monocles and jewellery +were banned. The trappings of Dignity were to be +rigidly put off, and Innocence courted with appropriate +mockery. The composition of the house-party, +which had been carefully chosen, promised an entertainment +of more than ordinary interest.</p> + +<p>On all three evenings dance music was to be discoursed +by a famous coloured band, whose services +had long ago been retained for the occasion.</p> + +<p>A long-standing engagement made it impossible for +Berry to accompany us from London. On Tuesday +he must leave Town for Hampshire, but time-tables +were consulted, and it was discovered that he could +travel across country on Christmas Eve, and, by +changing from one station to the other at the market +town of Flail, arrive at Red Abbey in time for tea.</p> + +<p>"We can take your luggage with us," said Daphne. +"You've got all you'll want for the night at White +Ladies."</p> + +<p>It was half-past nine o'clock, and we were all in +the library, resting after the labours of the day.</p> + +<p>Berry from the depths of the sofa grunted an assent.</p> + +<p>"All the same," he added, "I must take something. +Beard-eraser, for instance, and a clean neckerchief. +Same as when you enlist."</p> + +<p>"Everything you can possibly want's there already. +Mrs. Foreland knows you're coming, and she'll put +everything out."</p> + +<p>"I have a weakness," replied her husband, "for my +own sponge. Moreover, foolhardy as it may seem, I +still clean my teeth. The only question is, what to +put them in."</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with your pockets?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Nothing at present," said Berry. "That's why +I shall want your dispatch-case."</p> + +<p>"Nothing doing," said I. "I refuse to subscribe +to my own inconvenience."</p> + +<p>"Self," said Berry bitterly. "Why wasn't I born +selfish? I've often tried, but you can't bend an oak, +can you? Anybody can have my shirt at any time." +Languidly he regarded his cuff. "No. Not this one, +but almost any other. My life has been one long unrecognized +sacrifice. And what is my reward?" He +looked round about him with pitying eyes. "Poor +bloated worms, you little know the angel that labours +in your midst." His own being finished, with a sigh +he took his wife's newly-lighted cigarette from the ashtray +which they were sharing. "I had a dream last +night," he added comfortably.</p> + +<p>"What about?" said Jill.</p> + +<p>"I dreamed," said Berry, "that I was a pint of +of unusually broad beans. Several people remarked +upon my breadth. After spirited bidding, I was +secured by no less a personage than The McAroon himself, +to whom I gave violent indigestion within twenty-four +hours. Pleased with this attention, the laird +erected in my memory a small bar at which the rankest +poison could be obtained at all hours by asking in +Hebrew for ginger ale. Which reminds me. I haven't +taken my medicine." Meaningly he regarded the tray +which had just been placed upon a side-table. "The +doctor said I mustn't move about after meals, or I'd +mix it myself. As it is...."</p> + +<p>He broke off and looked round expectantly.</p> + +<p>"Idle brute," said Daphne. "I wonder you aren't +afraid to——Where's my cigarette? I only lighted +one a moment ago."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps it's behind your ear," suggested her husband. +"Perhaps——"</p> + +<p>"Where's the match you lighted that one from?" +demanded his wife.</p> + +<p>"Woman," said Berry indignantly, "you forget +yourself. Besides, I didn't use a match. I kindled it +by rubbing two sticks together. Same as they do in +Guano, where the jelly comes from."</p> + +<p>Here a diversion was caused by the opening of the +door sufficiently to admit a slightly damp white ball +with a black spot, which projected itself into the room +as if possessed. Nobby. Exhilarated to frenzy by the +reflection that at least four days must elapse before +any one could be bothered to bathe him again, the +terrier took a flying leap on to the sofa, licked Daphne's +face, put a foot in Berry's eye, barked, hurled himself +across the room to where Jonah was playing Patience, +upset the card-table, dashed three times round the +room, pretended to unearth a rat from the depths of +Jill's chair, and finally flung himself exhausted at my +feet.</p> + +<p>"I suppose this is what they call 'animal spirits,'" +said Berry. "Or 'muscular Christianity.'"</p> + +<p>"It is well known," said I, "that exercise after a +bath is most beneficial."</p> + +<p>"No doubt," was the icy reply. "Well, next time +I put my foot in your eye, assume that I've had a +bath and call it 'exercise,' will you?"</p> + +<p>"Have you written to the St. Martins?" said +Daphne, "to say that you'll be a day late?"</p> + +<p>"I have. The masterpiece is on the writing-table, +awaiting insertion in an envelope."</p> + +<p>I picked up the letter and read aloud as follows—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Madam,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am disposed to refer to your invitation to make one +of the house-party due to assemble on the 23rd instant.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am to say that a malignant Fate has decreed that I +shall not dignify your hovel before the evening of the +following day.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>The feeling of profound disappointment which this +announcement will provoke should be tempered by the +reflection that you are fortunate indeed to have secured +so enchanting a personality for your festivities, which, +however hopeless they may appear, cannot fail to be galvanized +into some show of life by my inspiring presence.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>My luggage and the four ungrateful parasites who have +so long battened upon my generosity will arrive on the +23rd, as arranged. One of the latter has stealthily acquired +a mongrel, which, provided he can obtain the necessary +permit, he proposes to bring with him. My protests +against this abuse of hospitality have been received +with that vulgar insolence which I have, alas, learned +to expect.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am to request you to remember that I am visiting you +incognito, as the Duke of Blackpool, and that at this +season it is my practice to consume a mince-pie and a +bottle of beer before retiring.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am, Madam,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Your obedient Servant,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Berry Pleydell</span>.</i></p> + +<p>"Outrageous," said Daphne, "perfectly outrageous. +However, there's no time to write another, so it had +better go. Boy, be a dear and answer that invitation +for me."</p> + +<p>"This lecture thing?" said I, holding up a gilt-edged +card.</p> + +<p>My sister nodded.</p> + +<p>"We'll have to go, I suppose."</p> + +<p>In a flowing hand I wrote as follows—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Major and Mrs. Pleydell have much pleasure in +accepting the Countess of Loganberry's kind invitation +to attend Professor La Trobe's lecture on the 3rd of +January.</i></p> + +<p>When I had read this aloud—</p> + +<p>"What an interesting subject!" said Berry. +"We shall enjoy ourselves."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Three days later I was in the act of fitting a new +blade to my safety-razor, when Berry entered the room +fully dressed.</p> + +<p>"I'm just off," he said, "but you may as well see +what you've done before I go."</p> + +<p>"What d'you mean?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Read that."</p> + +<p>He handed me a letter. I laid down my instrument +of torture and read as follows—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am directed by the Countess of Loganberry to +acknowledge your communication of the 20th inst., and to +say that she cannot recollect the inclusion of your name +among those of the guests invited to assemble at Pride +Langley the day after to-morrow.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>In these circumstances I am to express the hope that +you will not trouble to favour her with your attendance +upon the 24th inst. or any other date, and that you will +take immediate steps to prevent the dispatch of your luggage +and of the four parasites, for which, should they +arrive, she can accept no responsibility.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am to add that the Countess is not interested in the +acquisition of the animal to which you refer, or in the +nature of the victuals with which it is your habit to console +yourself of nights.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am, sir,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Your obedient servant,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Frederick Boleton</span>.</i></p> + +<p>I stroked my chin thoughtfully. Then—</p> + +<p>"I don't want to say anything rash," said I, "but +it looks as if a mistake had been made."</p> + +<p>"But what a brain!" observed my brother-in-law. +"What insight!" He glanced at his watch. +"And it's not half-past nine yet."</p> + +<p>"It is wonderful, isn't it? Now, all we want is a +line from Diana St. Martin to say how glad she is you're +going to the lecture on January the 3rd. Do you +agree, brother?"</p> + +<p>"I am not here," said Berry loftily, "to discuss +your crime. Have you anything to say why the Court +should not give you judgment?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. First, this communication must be answered +forthwith. Secondly, Mr. Boleton is clearly a menace +to Society. It is therefore our painful duty, brother, +to proceed with the operation, inadvertently begun, +of pulling his leg until he will require a pair of field +glasses to see his own foot."</p> + +<p>With a grin Berry clapped me on the back.</p> + +<p>"I leave it to you, partner. Make the telegram +windy. Wind always inspires wind." He took the +letter out of my hand and slipped it into his pocket. +"You won't want this document. And now I must +be going. See you to-morrow, laddie."</p> + +<p>The next moment he was gone.</p> + +<p>Within the hour the following telegram was on its +way to Pride Langley—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Your letter not understood aaa cannot consent to +cancel my arrangements at this hour aaa expect me tomorrow +as arranged aaa four tons of luggage entrained +last night aaa loose-boxes containing parasites due to +arrive at 5.15 to-day aaa imperative these should be +watered and fed within one hour of arrival aaa acknowledge.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Although the train had yet to make its appearance, +the platform was crowded. Somewhere at the far +end Jonah was waiting to see that our heavy baggage +was placed in the van, while Daphne, Jill and I were +standing beside such articles as we were proposing to +take in the carriage, hoping feverishly that, when the +train pulled in, we should find ourselves opposite to a +first-class coach.</p> + +<p>"Thath a nithe dog," said an unpleasant voice on +my left.</p> + +<p>I turned to see a very dark gentleman, clad in a +light tweed overcoat and cloth-topped boots, with a +soft grey hat on the back of his head, smoking an +insanitary cigar and smiling unctuously upon Nobby, +who was tucked under my arm.</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said.</p> + +<p>"A Thealyham, ain't he?"</p> + +<p>"I believe so."</p> + +<p>Undeterred by my evident reluctance to converse, +the fellow bowed his head as if to examine the dog, at +the same time expelling a cloud of disgusting smoke.</p> + +<p>In the twinkling of an eye the terrier had sneezed, +wriggled from under my arm, and slipped to the ground.</p> + +<p>I was just in time to see him scuttle in the direction of +a crate of live turkeys which he had vainly struggled +to approach when we passed them a few minutes earlier.</p> + +<p>Suppressing a violent desire to choke his assailant, I +thrust the rug I was carrying into Jill's arms, and +started to elbow my way towards the turkeys.</p> + +<p>A sudden stutter of barks, a fearful burst of gobbling, +and a chorus of indignant cries suggested that the +sooner I arrived to take charge, the better for all concerned.</p> + +<p>As I pushed forward, the press swayed expectantly +towards the edge of the platform, and I glanced round +to see the train pulling in.</p> + +<p>Thereafter my passage to the scene of the uproar +was Homeric. Every step was contested, not actively, +but with that jealous determination not to yield which +distinguishes the prospective traveller who has bought +an expensive ticket and, by no means certain that the +supply of seats will be equal to the demand, interprets +every movement as an attempt to secure an unfair +advantage. I eventually arrived to find in progress +a game which I prefer not to describe. Suffice it that, +though Nobby was leading, two inspectors and a +clergyman with an umbrella were running him pretty +close, while the turkeys were simply nowhere.</p> + +<p>With a well-timed dive I secured the terrier just as +he evaded a left hook from the Church, and, disregarding +the loud tones in which several intending passengers +announced their conception of the qualifications of a +dog-owner, fought my way back to where I had left +the girls. The fact that the latter had managed to +reserve and hold four seats did them, to my mind, +infinite credit.</p> + +<p>It was not until we were gliding out of the station +that I looked round for my dispatch-case.</p> + +<p>I did so in vain.</p> + +<p>An investigation of the spaces between the seats +and the floor proved equally fruitless.</p> + +<p>I sank back in my seat with a groan.</p> + +<p>"Where did you see it last?" said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"I'm hanged if I know, but of course it was with +the other things. I put it in the hall last night, and +Falcon knows I always take it wherever I go."</p> + +<p>"I'll swear nothing was left on the platform," said +Jill.</p> + +<p>"Nor in the car," said Jonah. "I looked there +myself."</p> + +<p>"I've not the slightest doubt it's been pinched," +said I. "It's just the sort of thing that'd take a thief's +fancy. By Jove!" I cried suddenly. "What about +the swab in the light coat? I'll bet any money he +took it."</p> + +<p>"What swab?" said Jonah.</p> + +<p>"Oh, a complete mobsman. Came and jawed about +Nobby and then gassed him with his cigar till he did a +bunk. That put me out of the way. With the girls +trying to get a carriage, the rest was easy. Gad I +Why doesn't one think of these things? It's locked, +and there's nothing terribly valuable in it, but I do +hate being stung."</p> + +<p>"First stop Flail," said Jonah, looking at his watch. +"You've got the best part of two hours to think it over. +I should write out a synopsis of the crime in duplicate, +with a description of the missing property——"</p> + +<p>"And a plan of the station, I suppose, showing the +all-red route I took to the crate of turkeys, with a +signed photograph of Nobby. I've only got to attach +my birth certificate, and there you are."</p> + +<p>"Gentleman seems annoyed," said Jonah, unfolding +the <i>Pall Mall</i>.</p> + +<p>Jill laid a hand on my arm, and I laughed in spite of +myself.</p> + +<p>"He'll be fed to the teeth when he gets it open," I +said. "I admit the cigars are not what he's accustomed +to, but I'd like to meet the fence that'll take a +nainsook pinafore and a couple of bibs."</p> + +<p>This comfortable reflection in some sort consoled me. +All the same, when we steamed into Flail I sent for the +station-master and handed that gentleman two short +descriptions—one of the dispatch-case, and the other +of the thief. He promised readily to keep a look-out +and inform the police.</p> + +<p>"An' I'll telephone down the line, sir. You never +know. He might be on the train, or even 'ave got out +'ere." I made as if to leave the compartment. "Ah, +he'd be gone by now, an' you're just off. But I'll do +what I can. Your address, Red Abbey. Very good, +sir."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Diana St. Martin was at the station to meet us, in a +fever of excitement and good-will. Her obvious disappointment +at Berry's absence was allayed by our +assurance that he would appear the next day.</p> + +<p>"Of course," she announced, "I was thrilled to learn +that you were going to the Loganberrys' lecture, but I +couldn't help feeling that there was some news, more +relevant to your visit, which I ought to know. Hullo! +Is he going to honour us?" she added, pointing to +Nobby, who, with tail erect and eyes looking sideways, +was considering whether or no to accept the advances +of an Irish terrier in the spirit in which they were +patently offered. "What a darling!"</p> + +<p>"If you please," said I.</p> + +<p>"Splendid. And now come along. We can all get +In the limousine, and there's a van for your luggage."</p> + +<p>During the drive from the station I told her the style +of the letter she should have received, and disclosed the +grave construction placed upon it by the actual recipient. +When I told her that Mr. Boleton and I were +now in telegraphic communication, she gave a little +crow of delight.</p> + +<p>"How priceless!" she cried. "Perhaps there'll be +a wire when we get back."</p> + +<p>She was wrong. But only by a few minutes. Before +we had been at Red Abbey for a quarter of an hour, a +telegram was handed to me. Falcon had forwarded it +from London.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Forced to regard your conduct as molestful delivery of +your luggage will not be accepted parasites will remain +boxed and receive necessary attention at your expense and +risk pending instructions regarding their removal which +should be communicated to station-master direct any +attempt on your part to enter Pride Langley to-morrow will +be forcibly resisted.</i></p> + +<p>At once I arranged for the dispatch of the following +reply—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>At great inconvenience have arranged to postpone +arrival of luggage and parasites until to-morrow aaa impossible +however to stop elephants seven of which should reach +you by road before midnight and remainder by 2 a.m. aaa +as already slated am unable at this juncture to cancel my +visit but shall certainly never stay at Pride Langley again +aaa if "molestful" means what I think it does I shall +point you out to the large parasite.</i></p> + +<p>We spent a hilarious evening.</p> + +<p>The Irish terrier showed Nobby that hospitality for +which the Isle is famous. He made him free of the +house and grounds, showed him the way to the kitchen, +and indicated by occupation the most comfortable +chairs. Nobby returned the compliment by initiating +his host into the mysteries of a game which consisted of +making a circuit of the great hall, ascending the main +staircase, entering and erupting from any bedroom of +which the door stood open, and descending the staircase—all +of this recurring—with the least possible delay. +The Irish terrier proved an apt pupil, and, so far as can +be judged, if Diana's maid had not encountered them +in the midst of their seventh descent, and been upset, +and of vexation nipped by an angry competitor for her +pains, the game might have gone on for weeks. This +incident, however, followed by the production of a +hunting whip, brought the game to a close and the host +to his senses. Hastily he repaired a grave omission, +and a moment later Nobby was cowering in comparative, +if inconvenient, safety beneath an enormous +tallboy chest.</p> + +<p>After dinner cards were brought forth and <i>vingt et un</i> +was played. In a weak moment I volunteered to +"carry" Jill, who played with an <i>abandon</i> which was +at once exhilarating and extremely expensive. Her +persistent refusal to "stand" on anything less than +twenty-one commanded an admiration which, but for +my presence, would have been universal. The only +run of luck with which her audacity was favoured +coincided with my tenure of the bank, during which +period she took fifty-two shillings off me in seven +minutes.</p> + +<p>As I pushed her counters across—</p> + +<p>"I've heard of robbing Peter to pay Paul," I said +gloomily, "but never of robbing Charlie to pay Chaplin. +Why couldn't you do this when some one else had the +bank?"</p> + +<p>"You shouldn't deal me such cards," was the ungrateful +reply.</p> + +<p>A moment later she turned up a "natural" with a +dazzling smile.</p> + +<p>There was a roar of laughter.</p> + +<p>"Of course, this is Berry's luck," said I. "And it +needs Berry's tongue to cope with it. A little more, and +I shall ship for Australia before the mast. Yes, I'll have +a brandy-and-soda, please. Of appropriate strength."</p> + +<p>"In inverse proportion to your luck?" said my host.</p> + +<p>I shook my head.</p> + +<p>"That would require Berry's liver. Besides, tomorrow +morning I'm going to help your wife to decorate +the church. I admit I was a fool to promise, but +it's done now, and——"</p> + +<p>The chocolate which Diana threw at me ricochetted +from my cheekbone on to the hearth, and was devoured +by Nobby in the very teeth of his host.</p> + +<p>I looked at my watch with a sigh. +"I suppose I ought to have told you that chocolates +fall without the limit of his digestive powers. The last +one took about four hours. And it's eleven now. I +am glad I came."</p> + +<p>My statement was received with ironical cheers....</p> + +<p>It may or may not have been the chocolate, but in +the small hours of the following morning it became +expedient that I should admit Nobby into the open air. +And so it came about that I stood patient and shivering, +in a fur coat and pyjamas, at a garden door, while a +small white rough-haired thing heaved upon the lawn +twelve decent yards away.</p> + +<p>The sailing moon, clear-cut, issued her cold white light +and showed the sleeping country silent but troubled +A pride of clouds rode high in heaven, and the same +strong careless wind that bore them swept from the +leafless boughs of earth below a boisterous melody, that +rose and fell in league-long phrases, far as the ear could +follow. Nature was in a royal mood. Her Cap of +Maintenance was out, Pomp was abroad, the trump of +Circumstance was sounding. A frown of dignity +knitted her gentle brow, and meadows, roads, thickets +and all her Court wore a staid look to do her honour. +Only her favourite, water, dared to smile, and the +flashing lake flung back the moonlight with long ripples +of silvery laughter.</p> + +<p>Somewhere close at hand an owl cried, and Nobby +answered the challenge with a menacing bark. I +whistled, and he came running, the very embodiment of +health and spirits. Marvelling at a dog's recuperative +powers, I reopened the door. As I did so, I heard the +stable clock striking. Three o'clock.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Twelve hours later a servant entered the library to +arouse me from a refreshing sleep with the news that +some one desired to speak with me upon the telephone. +Heavily I made my way to the lobby and put the receiver +to my ear, but the first sentence I heard drove the +lingering rearguard of Slumber headlong from my +system.</p> + +<p>It was an Inspector of Police, speaking from Flail.</p> + +<p>"I think we've got your case, sir. Pigskin, seventeen +inches by ten, an' a blue line runnin' acrost it?"</p> + +<p>"That's right," I said excitedly.</p> + +<p>"An' it's still locked. No initials. But we'd like +your formal identification. Besides.... I don't know +whether you could manage this afternoon, sir, but if +you could.... You see, it's a matter of a charge. We're +detainin' a man in connection with the thef'."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't want to proceed. So long as I get the +case back...."</p> + +<p>"'Fraid we can't 'ardly do that, sir."</p> + +<p>I groaned. Then—</p> + +<p>"How far is Red Abbey from Flail?"</p> + +<p>"Matter o' twelve mile, sir. Wouldn't take you no +time in a car."</p> + +<p>"I'll see what I can do. Good-bye."</p> + +<p>Both cars were needed to meet incoming guests, but +a Miss Doiran, who had arrived that morning in her +own two-seater, offered to drive me to Flail and back +before tea.</p> + +<p>A quarter of an hour later we were on the road.</p> + +<p>She listened attentively to the story of my loss. +When I had finished—</p> + +<p>"You'd little enough to go on, I must say. I'd never +have dared to say that man had stolen it."</p> + +<p>"It was a bow at a venture," I admitted. "But it +seems to have come off. All the same, I don't want to +charge the chap. He deserves six months, if only for his +cigar, but I'd rather somebody else sent him down."</p> + +<p>"I expect they'll make you. After all, it was a +pretty smart capture, and the police'll be fed to the +teeth if you don't go through with it."</p> + +<p>"Considering it was stolen in London, I didn't see +any sense in telling the police at Flail, but the station-master +apparently knew his job."</p> + +<p>With a temporarily disengaged hand Miss Doiran +caressed Nobby, who was seated between us.</p> + +<p>"I've always wanted a Sealyham," she sighed.</p> + +<p>"You could have had one for nothing at three o'clock +this morning."</p> + +<p>"Did he have you up?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>"And down and out." I sighed. "It was a handsome +night. Very cold, though. I thought of you all +warm in bed."</p> + +<p>"What a wicked story! You never knew of my +existence."</p> + +<p>"I thought of everybody. That embraced you. +It's extraordinary how little women can wear without +dying of exposure, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>Miss Doiran glanced at her sleeve.</p> + +<p>"This coat is lined with chamois leather," she said. +"I don't know what more you want."</p> + +<p>"Yes. But your stockings aren't. When you +stepped into the car I was quite frightened for you."</p> + +<p>My companion's chin rose, and she stared through +the wind-screen with compressed lips.</p> + +<p>"I'm as warm as toast," she said defiantly.</p> + +<p>"If you're no warmer than the toast I had for breakfast +this morning——"</p> + +<p>"You should get up earlier."</p> + +<p>"I thought I told you I was up and about at three."</p> + +<p>"That doesn't count."</p> + +<p>"Doesn't it? All right. You get up at three tomorrow +and think of me all warm in bed, and see +whether it counts. By the way, don't say you wear +pyjamas, because I can't bear it."</p> + +<p>Miss Doiran addressed our companion.</p> + +<p>"Is he often like this, Nobby?"</p> + +<p>I explained.</p> + +<p>"It's not idle curiosity. You see, I'm editing a +directory to be called <i>That's That</i>. It's really a short +list of the few nice people left who aren't anybody: +with just a word or two about their manners, failings, +virtues, if any, and the attire they usually affect when +off duty. It won't say when they were born, but why +they were born."</p> + +<p>"That'll sell it," said Miss Doiran.</p> + +<p>"So you see. May I know now, or must I wait +outside the bathroom?"</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid," said Miss Doiran, "that you must +wait outside the bathroom."</p> + +<p>I sighed.</p> + +<p>"If it is pyjamas," said I, "I shall scream."</p> + +<p>Some geese hissed as we swept by. The noise was +inaudible, but the hostility of their gesture was patent. +Its effect upon Nobby was electrical. Exasperated to +madness by the gratuitous insult, he made the most +violent attempts to leave the car, only pausing the better +to lift up his voice and rave at his, by this time +distant, tormentors. His dignity was outraged and, +what was much worse, unavenged.</p> + +<p>"D'you still want him?" I shouted, holding fast +to his collar with one hand, while with the other I +strove to muffle his cries with the rug.</p> + +<p>"Every time."</p> + +<p>I swallowed before replying.</p> + +<p>"Of course, this is exceptional," I said weakly. "He +can be very good if he likes."</p> + +<p>Miss Doiran laughed.</p> + +<p>"I believe you just dote on him."</p> + +<p>I lugged the white scrap out of the welter of rug and +set him up on my knees. Surprised, he stopped barking +and looked me full in the eyes. Then he thrust a cold +nose into my face. Almost roughly I put him away.</p> + +<p>"I believe you're right," I said.</p> + +<p>Ten minutes later we drove up to Flail Police Station.</p> + +<p>I thrust Nobby under my arm and stepped out of the +car. Then I turned to the girl.</p> + +<p>"I'll be as quick as I can," I said.</p> + +<p>"Right oh!"</p> + +<p>Sure enough it was my dispatch-case. In some +embarrassment I described the ridiculous contents. +Then I produced the key and confirmed my own words.</p> + +<p>"I must say," I said, "you haven't wasted much +time. How did you recover it?"</p> + +<p>The inspector in charge looked grave.</p> + +<p>"'E's a nice little lot, what took this case, sir. I +shouldn't wonder if there was 'alf a dozen warrants out +for 'im. As plausible a rogue as ever I see, an' as full +o' swank as a negg is o' meat. Told us the tale proper, +'e did. One o' the kind as gets through by sheer nerve. +Now, nine out o' ten'd 'ave bin through this 'ere case +last night and throwed it away. But 'e's not that +sort. Walks through the town this afternoon with it +under 'is arm, as bold as brass." A 'plain-clothes' +man entered and stood waiting. "All ready? Right." +He turned again to me. "An' now, sir, we'll be +obliged if you'll step into the yard and see if you see +anybody you recognize. I'd like the identification to +be regular."</p> + +<p>Perceiving my chance of doing the thief a good turn, +I assented readily. It was my fixed intention to +recognize no one.</p> + +<p>I followed the policeman into a high-walled +yard.</p> + +<p>Variously attired, six men were drawn up in line.</p> + +<p>"Do you see anybody you know?" repeated the +inspector.</p> + +<p>I did. <i>Standing third from the left, with a seraphic +look on his face, was Berry.</i></p> + +<p>For a moment I stood spellbound. Then I began to +laugh uncontrollably.</p> + +<p>"Go on, you fool," said Berry. "Indicate the felon. +I admit it's one up to you, but I'll get my own back. +You wait. Why, there's Kernobby." The terrier +slipped from under my arm and ran to where he stood. +"Good dog. But I mustn't play with you till the +gentleman in blue boxcloth says so. 'Sides, I'm a +giddy criminal, I am." He addressed my companion. +"Will you dismiss the parade, inspector? Or shall we +do a little troop drill?"</p> + +<p>I turned to the bewildered officer.</p> + +<p>"It's all a mistake, inspector. This is my brother-in-law. +He must have borrowed the case without my +knowledge. For goodness' sake, get these men away +and we'll explain things."</p> + +<p>The inspector hesitated, but Nobby's frantic efforts +to lick the suspect's face settled the matter. Gruffly he +acted upon my suggestion, and the little squad broke up.</p> + +<p>In the charge-room we satisfied him of the sincerity +of our statements and exonerated him from blame. +To do the police justice, Berry was dressed more or less +in accordance with my hazy description of the "thief," +and it was my dispatch-case. Courtesies were exchanged, +I signed a receipt for my property, and Berry, +his effects restored, gave a poor devil, who was brought +in to be charged with begging, enough to console the +latter for his detention on Christmas Day.</p> + +<p>A moment later I was introducing him to Miss Doiran.</p> + +<p>"Thief and brother-in-law in one," I said. "A +terrible combination."</p> + +<p>Berry took off his hat and put a hand to his head.</p> + +<p>"Whose reign is it?" he said dazedly. "When I +entered the gaol it was King George."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>With his back to the fire in Daphne's bedroom, Berry +proceeded to clear the air.</p> + +<p>"If any one of you four had a tenth of the instinct +of a village idiot, it would have occurred to those +diseased fungi which you call your minds that I had +said I should want Boy's dispatch-case. But let that +pass.</p> + +<p>"I was walking through Flail according to plan, and +following the tram-lines according to the drivelling +advice given me by an outside porter with a suggestive +nose. Need I say that before I had covered a hundred +yards the lines branched? I was still praying for the +soul of my informant, when I observed that a large +blue constable, who was apparently lining the street, +was staring at me as at an apparition. Courteously I +gave him 'Good day.' In return he handed me a look +which I shall try to forget, and asked me how I came +by the dispatch-case.</p> + +<p>"'<i>I</i> didn't,' I said. 'I came by train.'</p> + +<p>"Noticing that he seemed piqued by my reply, I +made haste to suggest that we should repair to a neighbouring +dairy and consume two small glasses of butter +milk and a sponge cake at my expense. Not to be +outdone in hospitality, he made a counter-proposal, +which, after some hesitation, I thought it discreet to +accept. Our progress through the streets afforded the +acme of gratification to the populace, most of whom +accompanied us with every circumstance of enthusiasm +and delight. Altogether it was most exhilarating.</p> + +<p>"My reception at the police-station was cordial in +the extreme. They told me their theory, and I gave +them my explanation. The fact that the beastly case +was still locked was naturally in my favour. In fact, +everything in the garden was lovely, and I was on the +point of pushing off to catch my train, when that fool +of an inspector asked if I'd leave my card, as a matter +of form.</p> + +<p>"'I'm afraid I haven't one on me,' I said, 'but I +daresay I've got an envelope,' and I started to feel in +my pockets. There was only one paper there, and that +wasn't an envelope. <i>It was Mr. Boleton's letter.</i></p> + +<p>"The moment I saw what it was, I knew I was done. +I couldn't put it away, or they'd get suspicious. If I +showed it them, they'd regard me as a first-class crook, +and very big game. I suppose I hesitated, for the +Inspector leaned forward and took it out of my hand.</p> + +<p>"The rest was easy. I was reviled, searched, cautioned, +examined, measured, described and finally told +that I should be detained pending inquiries. I was then +immured in a poisonous-looking dungeon, which, to +judge from its atmosphere, had been recently occupied +by an anti-prohibitionist, and, from its condition, not +yet reached by the chambermaid.</p> + +<p>"Yes," he concluded, "you have before you the +complete gaol-bird."</p> + +<p>"How did you spend your time?" said Jonah.</p> + +<p>"B-b-beating my wings against the crool b-b-bars," +said Berry. "My flutterings were most painful. +Several turnkeys broke down. The rat which was +attached to me for pay and rations gambolled to assuage +my grief. Greatly affected by the little animal's antics, +I mounted the plank bed and rang the b-b-bell for the +b-b-boots. In due course they appeared full of the +feet of a gigantic warder. I told him that I had not +ordered vermin and should prefer a fire, and asked if +they'd mind if I didn't dress for dinner. I added that +I thought flowers always improved a cell, and would +he buy me some white carnations and a b-b-begonia. +His reply was evasive and so coarse that I told the rat +not to listen, and recited what I could remember of +'The Lost Chord.'" He turned to me. "The remainder +of my time I occupied in making plans for the +disposal of your corpse."</p> + +<p>"You've only yourself to thank," said I. "You +shouldn't have borrowed the goods. I acted in good +faith."</p> + +<p>"I wonder," said Berry, "where one gets quicklime."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It was during the interval between the third and +fourth dances, both of which had been given me by +Miss Doiran, that the latter consulted her programme.</p> + +<p>"I'm dancing the fifth," she announced, "with the +Duke of Blackpool." I started violently, but she took +no notice. "I think you know him. He was released +from prison this afternoon. As my aunt's secretary, +I've had some correspondence with him under the name +of Boleton."</p> + +<p>My brain began to work furiously.</p> + +<p>"I scent collusion," I said. "Diana is in this."</p> + +<p>Miss Doiran laughed.</p> + +<p>"She rang me up directly she got your note about +the lecture. The rest sort of came natural. I believe +you were responsible for the telegrams. I congratulate +you. The elephants were a brain-wave. My aunt was +tickled to death by them."</p> + +<p>"How dreadful! I mean—it's very nice of her. +I'm afraid it was all rather impertinent."</p> + +<p>"If so, we were the first to offend, and, after all, +Major Pleydell has expiated his crime."</p> + +<p>"And he's fixed my murder for the first week In +January. There's really only you left."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I'm punished already," said Miss Doiran. +"I've lost my heart. And he doesn't love me."</p> + +<p>"Would it be indiscreet to ask his name?"</p> + +<p>Miss Doiran looked round the room.</p> + +<p>"When I last saw him," she said, "he was talking +to an Irish terrier."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V</h2> + +<p>HOW JILL'S EDUCATION WAS IMPROVED, AND +DAPHNE GAVE HER HUSBAND THE SLIP.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">"A</span>s I have frequently observed," said Berry, "your +education has been neglected. I'm not blaming +those responsible. Your instruction must have +been a thankless task."</p> + +<p>"I should think the masters who taught you enjoyed +their holidays."</p> + +<p>Such a reply from Jill was like a sudden snowstorm +in June, and Berry, who was in the act of drinking, +choked with surprise. When he had recovered his +breath—</p> + +<p>"You rude child," he said. "My prizes are among +my most cherished possessions."</p> + +<p>"Where d'you keep them?"—suspiciously.</p> + +<p>"Chancery Lane Safe Deposit," was the reply. +"When I die I shall leave them to the Wallace Collection. +The shoes I wore at the first night of <i>Buzz-Buzz</i> +are already promised to the Imperial Institute."</p> + +<p>"When you've quite finished," said Daphne, "I'll +suggest that we go up for the day on Friday. I don't +mean to-morrow, but the one after."</p> + +<p>"It's a little early in the year," said I. "All the +same, there's no reason why we shouldn't go up again +later on. It's always open."</p> + +<p>"If the weather holds," said Jonah, "it will be +looking wonderful."</p> + +<p>Oxford. Some reference had been made to the city +while we sat at dessert, and in the midst of a banana +Jill had confessed that she had never been there. The +rest of us knew the place well. Berry had been at +Magdalen, Jonah at New College, and I had fleeted four +fat years carelessly as a member of "The House." But, +while my sister had spent many hours there during my +residence, Jill had not once visited her brother—largely, +no doubt, because there was a disparity of six years, in +her favour, between their ages.</p> + +<p>"I warn you," said Berry, "that I may break down. +My return to the haunts of early innocence may be +too much for me. Yes," he added, "I shouldn't be at +all surprised if I were to beat my breast somewhere near +The Martyrs' Memorial."</p> + +<p>"An appropriate locality," said Jonah. "If my +memory serves me, it was for a crime committed almost +under the shadow of that monument that you were +irrevocably sent down."</p> + +<p>Berry selected a cigar before replying. Then—</p> + +<p>"Only a malignant reptile would refer to that miscarriage +of justice. It was not my fault that the +animal which I employed exceeded its instructions and, +as it were, pushed on after attaining its objective."</p> + +<p>"You expected it to consolidate the position?" +said I.</p> + +<p>"Precisely. To dig itself in. It was like this. It +was expedient—no matter why—that a large boar +should be introduced into Balliol College shortly before +10 p.m. A gigantic specimen was accordingly procured +and brought to the Broad Street entrance in a +hansom cab. It was then induced to take up a position +commanding the wicket-door. The juxtaposition of +two hurdles, held in place by my subordinates, frustrated +any attempt at untimely evacuation. At a +given signal the customary kick was administered to +the gate, indicating that some person or persons sought +admission to the foundation. Unhesitatingly the +porter responded to the summons. The wicket was +opened, and the pig passed in."</p> + +<p>"I think it was very cruel," said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"Not at all," said her husband. "There was more +succulent grass upon the lawns of Balliol than was +dreamt of in its ferocity. To continue. My mission +accomplished, I entered the hansom and drove to the +Club. It was during an unfortunate altercation with +the cabman, who demanded an unreasonably exorbitant +sum for the conveyance of the pig, that I was accosted +by a proctor for being gownless. The cab was still +redolent of its late occupant, and, although nothing +was said at the time, it was this which afterwards led +the authorities to suspect my complicity. Even so, +nothing would have been said but for a most distressing +development.</p> + +<p>"I had expected that the pig would confine its +attention to the quadrangles and gardens and to startling +such members of the college as happened casually to +encounter it. Fate, however, decreed otherwise. It +appears that the creature's admission coincided with +the opening of a door which led directly into the Senior +Common Room, where the Master and Fellows were still +discussing classical criticism and some '34 port. Attracted +by the shaft of light and the mellow atmosphere +of good cheer and hilarity which streamed into the +comparative gloom of the quadrangle, the pig made a +bee-line for the doorway, and a moment later the exclusive +circle was enriched by the presence of this simple +and unaffected guest. The details of what followed +have never transpired, but from the Senior Proctor's +demeanour at a subsequent interview, and the amount +of the bill for damage which I was requested to pay, I +am inclined to think that the pig must have been a +confirmed Bolshevist."</p> + +<p>"I hope you apologized to the Master."</p> + +<p>"I did. I received in reply a letter which I shall +always value. It ran as follows—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I beg that you will think no more of the matter. +Youth must be served. Many years ago I assisted your +father in a somewhat similar enterprise. Till the other +evening I had always believed that the havoc provoked by +the introduction of a dancing bear into a concert-room could +not be surpassed. I am now less certain.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours very faithfully,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot">.."</p> + +<p>"I think," said Jill, "he was very forgiving."</p> + +<p>"It was deep," said Berry, "calling to deep. By +the way, you'll all be pleased to hear that I have +received peremptory instructions 'within one week to +abolish the existing number by which this house is +distinguished, and to mark or affix on some conspicuous +part thereof a new number, and to renew the same as +often as it is obliterated or defaced.' Selah."</p> + +<p>"Whatever," said Daphne, "do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"Sorry," said Berry. "Let me put it another way. +Some genii, masquerading as officials, have got a move +on. Snuffing the air of 'Reconstruction,' they have +realized with a shock that the numbers of the houses in +this street have not been changed for over half a +century. Thirstily they have determined to repair the +omission. We've always been '38.' In a few days, +with apologies to Wordsworth, we shall be '7.' A +solemn thought."</p> + +<p>"But can we do nothing?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly. In that case somebody else will obliterate +the existing number, and I shall be summoned to appear +before a Justice of the Peace."</p> + +<p>"It's outrageous," said Daphne. "It'll cause endless +confusion, and think of all our notepaper and cards. +All the dies will have to be scrapped and new ones +cut."</p> + +<p>"Go easy," said I. "After a decent interval they'll +alter the name of the street. Many people feel that +The Quadrant should be renamed 'The Salient,' and +Piccadilly 'High Street.' I'm all for Progress."</p> + +<p>"Is this renumbering stunt a fact?" said Jonah. +"Or are you Just being funny?"</p> + +<p>"It's a poisonous but copper-bottomed fact," said +Berry. "This is the sort of thing we pay rates and +taxes for. Give me Germany."</p> + +<p>"Can't we refuse?"</p> + +<p>"I've rung up Merry and Merry, and they've looked +up the law, and say there's no appeal. We are at the +mercy of some official who came out top in algebra +in '64 and has never recovered. Let us be thankful it +wasn't geography. Otherwise we should be required +to name this house 'Sea View' or 'Clovelly.' Permit +me to remark that the port has now remained opposite +you for exactly four minutes of time, for three of which +my goblet has been empty."</p> + +<p>"I think it's cruel," said Jill, passing on the decanter. +"I think——"</p> + +<p>"Hush," said Berry. "That wonderful organ, my +brain, is working." Rapidly he began to write upon +the back of a <i>menu</i>. "We must inform the world +through the medium of the Press. An attractive +paragraph must appear in <i>The Times</i>. What could be +more appropriate than an epitaph? Ply me with wine, +child. The sage is in labour with a song." Jill filled +his glass and he drank. "Another instant, and you +shall hear the deathless words. I always felt I should +be buried in the Abbey. Anybody give me a rhyme for +'bilge'? No, it doesn't matter. I have ingeniously +circumvented the crisis."</p> + +<p>He added one line, held the card at arm's length, +regarded it as a painter a canvas, sighed, and began to +read.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +<i>A painful tale I must relate.<br /> +We used to live at thirty-eight,<br /> +But as we hope to go to heaven,<br /> +We've come to live at number seven.<br /> +Now, if we'd lived at number nine,<br /> +I'd got a simply priceless line—<br /> +I didn't want to drag in heaven,<br /> +But nothing else will rhyme with seven.</i><br /> +</p> + +<p>"Soldier, mountebank, and rhymester too!" said +Jonah. "And yet we breathe the same air."</p> + +<p>"I admit it's strange," said my brother-in-law. +"But it was foretold by my predecessor. I think +you'll find the prophecy in <i>Henry the Fifth</i>. 'And wholesome +berries thrive and ripen best, Neighboured by +fruit of baser quality.' My game, I think. What?"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>As was fitting, St. George's Day dawned fair and +cloudless. Her passionate weeping of the day before +dismissed, April was smiling—shyly at first, as if uncertain +that her recent waywardness had been forgiven, +and by and by so bravely that all the sweet o' the year +rose up out of the snowy orchards, dewy and odorous, +danced in the gleaming meadows and hung, glowing and +breathless, in every swaying nursery that Spring had +once more built upon the patient trees.</p> + +<p>The Rolls sailed through the country, proudly indifferent +to hill or dale, melting the leagues to miles with such +swift deadliness as made you sorry for the lean old road +that once had been so much to reckon with.</p> + +<p>I was on the point of communicating this Quixotic +reflection to Agatha Deriot, who was seated in front +between Jill and myself, when there fell upon my +reluctant ears that heavy sigh which only an expiring +tire can heave. As I slowed up, it occurred to me that +the puissance of the roads of England was still considerable.</p> + +<p>"Which is it?" said Agatha.</p> + +<p>"Off hind, I fancy." We were in the midst of a +pleasant beechwood, and I pulled in to the side of the +road with a grunt. "If it had to be, it might have +happened in a less pleasing locality."</p> + +<p>"I gather," said Berry's voice, "I gather that something +untoward has befallen the automobile. Should +I be wrong, correct me and explain the stoppage."</p> + +<p>"With that singular clarity of intellect which never +fails to recognize the obvious, you have correctly diagnosed +the case. We have picked up a puncture."</p> + +<p>"Speak for yourself," said Berry. "I always let +them lie. I did gather a bunch of bursts once, but——"</p> + +<p>"Sorry," said I. "I forgot how near we were to +Oxford. What I meant was that some hostile body of +a sharp nature had penetrated a tire, thus untimely +releasing the air hitherto therein confined."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said Berry. "Experience leads me +to anticipate a slight delay, the while you effect the +necessary repairs. I shall therefore compose myself to +slumber and meditation. Possibly I shall toy with a +cigarette. Possibly——"</p> + +<p>"Your programme will, I fear, miscarry for more +than one reason. In the first place, you're sitting on +the jack. In the second place, clumsy fool though +you are, Jonah can change the wheel quicker if you +help him." With that I climbed out of the driver's +seat, and lighted a cigarette. "Who," I added, "will +come for a little walk?"</p> + +<p>"I'm coming," said Daphne, setting aside the rug and +rising from her seat between Jonah and her husband.</p> + +<p>"I forbid you," said the latter, "to consort with that +blasphemous viper."</p> + +<p>My sister leaned down and kissed him.</p> + +<p>"A little gentle exercise," she said, "will do you +good. I expect it'll make you hot, so take your coat +off. Then you'll have something to put on again."</p> + +<p>Coldly Berry regarded her.</p> + +<p>"How long," he said, "did it take you to work that +out?"</p> + +<p>As we strolled down the sun-flecked road in the wake +of Miss Deriot and Jill, I turned and looked back at the +car. Something was squatting on the tarmac close to +the petrol tank. The fact that Jonah was unstrapping a +spare wheel suggested that my brother-in-law was taking +exercise....</p> + +<p>My sister slid an arm through mine, and we walked idly +on. The road curled out of the wood into the unchecked +sunlight, rising to where its flashing hedgerows fell back +ten paces each, leaving a fair green ride on either side +of the highway. Here jacketed elms made up a stately +colonnade, ready to nod their gay green crests at each +stray zephyr's touch, and throwing broad equidistant +bars of shadow across the fresh turf and the still moist +ribbon of metalling beyond. Two piles of stones lay +heaped upon the sward, and, as we drew near, we heard +the busy chink of a stone-breaker's hammer, a melodious +sound that fitted both morning and venue to perfection. +Again I fell to thinking on the old coach road....</p> + +<p>The stone-breaker was an old, old man, but the tone +in which he gave us "Good day" was blithe and good +to hear, while he looked as fit as a fiddle.</p> + +<p>"You work very fast," said I, as he reached for a +mammoth flint.</p> + +<p>"Aye," he said. "But it come easy, sir, after so +many year."</p> + +<p>"Have you always done this?" said Daphne.</p> + +<p>The old fellow plucked the gauze from his brow and +touched his battered hat.</p> + +<p>"Naught else, m'm. Nine-and-seventy year come +Michaelmas I've kep' the Oxford road. An' me father +before me."</p> + +<p>"That's a wonderful record," said I amazedly. +"And you carry your years well."</p> + +<p>"Thank you, sir. There's a many as tells me that. +I'll be ninety-one in the month o' June. An' can't +write me own name, sir."</p> + +<p>"That's no shame," said I. "Tell me, you must +remember the coaches."</p> + +<p>"That do I. They was took off my road just afore +I started breakin' meself, but long afore that I used to +bring me father 'is dinner, an' I remember them well. +Many a time I've watched the 'Tantivy' go by, an' +Muster Cracknell drivin'. Always nodded to father, 'e +did, an' passed the time o' day. An' father, 'e'd wave +'is 'ammer, an' call me an' tell me 'is name, an' what a +fine coachman 'e were. 'Twas a Birmin'ham coach, the +'Tantivy,' but Muster Cracknell used to 'and over at +Oxford. London to Oxford was 'is stretch, sir. An' +back."</p> + +<p>"Isn't that wonderful?" said Daphne.</p> + +<p>Agatha and Jill, who had joined us, agreed in awestruck +whispers.</p> + +<p>The old fellow laughed.</p> + +<p>"I've seen the coaches, m'm, and I've seen the motors, +an' they can't neither of them do without the road, m'm. +As it was in the beginnin', so ever it shall be. Soon I'll +pass, but the road'll go on, an' others'll break for 'er. +For she must needs be patched, you know, m'm, she +must needs be patched...."</p> + +<p>We gave him money, and he rose and uncovered and +pulled his white forelock with the antique courtesy of +his class. As we turned away, I pinched Daphne's +arm.</p> + +<p>"I'll bet no man's ever done that to you before."</p> + +<p>She shook her head, smiling.</p> + +<p>"I don't think so. It was very nice of him."</p> + +<p>"What would you call him?" said Jill. "A stone-breaker?"</p> + +<p>I raised my eyebrows.</p> + +<p>"I suppose so. Or roadman."</p> + +<p>"I know," said Agatha softly. "He's a Gentleman +of the Road."</p> + +<p>"Good for you," said I. "The title never became a +highwayman one half so well."</p> + +<p>As I spoke, the Rolls stole up alongside. We climbed +in, Jill and I sitting behind for a change. With a foot +on the step, Daphne looked at her husband.</p> + +<p>"Did you get very hot?" she said.</p> + +<p>"I did," said Berry. "Every pore in my body has +been in action. I always think it's so nice to start a day +like that."</p> + +<p>"How would you like to break stones," said I, "for +seventy-nine years?"</p> + +<p>Jonah let in the clutch.</p> + +<p>"I perceive," said Berry, "that you are under the +influence of drink. At the present moment I am more +interested in the breaking of backs. Have you ever +jacked up a car?"</p> + +<p>"Often. You must stoop to conquer."</p> + +<p>"Stoop? You must have a comic spine. My trunk +kept getting in the way. And my nether limbs were +superfluous. To do it properly you should be severed +below the armpits."</p> + +<p>"The correct way," said I, "is to face the jack, and +then bend backwards till you face it again. Then it's +simplicity itself. You work, as it were, between your +own legs."</p> + +<p>My brother-in-law sighed.</p> + +<p>"I used to do my boots up like that, when an agent +in Germany. In that way no one could assault me +from behind. Those detailed to stab me in the back +were nonplussed and in several cases shot for incompetence."</p> + +<p>A quarter of an hour later we slid over Magdalen +Bridge.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The venerable city was unchanged. That same +peculiar dignity, which no impertinence can scathe, that +same abiding peace, the handiwork of labouring centuries, +that immemorial youth, which drains the cups +of Time and pays no reckoning—three wonders of the +world, rose up to meet us visitors.</p> + +<p>Oxford has but two moods.</p> + +<p>This day she was <i>allegro</i>. The Sunshine Holyday of +Spring had won her from her other soberer state, and +Mirth was in all her ways. Her busy streets were +bright, her blistered walls glowed and gave back the +warmth vouchsafed them, her spires and towers were +glancing, vivid against the blue: the unexpected green, +that sprawled ragged upon scaly parapets, thrust boldly +out between the reverend mansions and smothered up +the songs of architects, trembled to meet its patron: +the blowing meadows beamed, gates lifted up their +heads, retired quadrangles smiled in their sleep, the +very streams were lazy, and gardens, walks, spaces and +alleyed lanes were all betimes a-Maying.</p> + +<p>Perhaps because it was St. George's Day, ghosts that +the grey old stones can conjure up, at Fancy's whim +came thronging. The state of Kings rode by familiar, +shrewd virgin Majesty swayed in a litter down the +roaring streets, and the unruly pomp of a proud cardinal +wended its scarlet way past kneeling citizens. +Cavaliers ruffled it in the chequered walks, prelates and +sages loaded the patient air with discourse, and phantom +tuck of drum ushered a praise-God soldiery to emptied +bursaries. With measured tread statesmen and scholars +paced sober up and down the flags, absorbed in argument, +poets roamed absent by, and Law and bustling +Physic, learned and gowned and big with dignity, +swept in and out the gates of colleges whose very fame, +that spurred their young intent, they lived to magnify.</p> + +<p>After a random drive about the city, in the course of +which we visited St. John's and Magdalen, we put the +car in a garage and repaired to <i>The Mitre</i> for lunch.</p> + +<p>Such other spectacles as we proposed to view lay more +or less close together, and could be inspected more +conveniently without the car, which claimed the constant +vigilance of one of us just at the very times we +least could spare it.</p> + +<p>Fortified by the deference shown him by his scout, +whom we had encountered while visiting his old rooms +overlooking the Deer Park, my brother-in-law had in +some measure succeeded—so far as Jill and Agatha were +concerned—in investing his sojourn at Magdalen with +an ill-merited dignity; and Daphne, Jonah and I were +quite justifiably delighted when a prosperous-looking +individual, with a slip in his waistcoat and a diamond +ring, left his table and laid a fat hand familiarly upon +Berry's shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Hullo, Pleydell, old man. How's things? Don't +remember me, I suppose. Lewis." He mentioned the +name of the minor college he had once adorned. "You +were at Magdalen, weren't you?"</p> + +<p>Taken completely by surprise, Berry hesitated before +replying in a tone which would have chilled a glacier.</p> + +<p>"Er—yes. I'm afraid my memory's not as good as +yours. You must excuse me."</p> + +<p>"That's all right," said the other, with a fat laugh. +"I was one of the quiet little mice," he added archly, +"and you were always such a gay dog." To our indescribable +delectation he actually thrust a stubby forefinger +into his victim's ribs.</p> + +<p>"Er—yes," said Berry, moving his chair as far from +his tormentor as space would permit. "I suppose you +were. One of the mice, I think you said. You know, I +still don't seem to remember your face or name. You're +quite sure...."</p> + +<p>"Anno Domini," was the cheerful reply. "We're +both older, eh? Don't you remember the night we +all——But p'r'aps I oughtn't to tell tales out of school, +ought I, old bean?" Again the forefinger was employed, +and its owner looked round expectantly. Beads +of perspiration became visible upon Berry's forehead, +and Jonah and I burst into a roar of laughter.</p> + +<p>Greatly encouraged by our mirth, Mr. Lewis beamed +with geniality, and, slapping Berry upon the back with +the diamond ring, commended the good old times, observed +that the undergraduates of to-day were of a very +different class to "me and you," and added that England +was in such a rotten state that, if the Coal Controller +had not personally begged him to "carry on," he would +have "up stick and cleared out to Australia long ago."</p> + +<p>At his concluding words Daphne sat up as if she had +been shot. Then, administering to me a kick, which +she afterwards explained had been intended for Berry, +she smiled very charmingly.</p> + +<p>"I suppose you're just up for the day, Mr. Lewis. +As we are," she inquired.</p> + +<p>With an elaborate bow Mr. Lewis agreed, and in a +moment the two were carrying on an absurd conversation, +to which Jonah and I contributed by laughing +unfeignedly whenever a remark justified an expression +of mirth. Jill and Agatha were on the edge of hysteria, +and Berry sat sunk in a condition of profound gloom, +from which he occasionally emerged to fix one or other +of us with a stare of such malevolence as only served to +throw us into a fresh paroxysm of laughter.</p> + +<p>Had Mr. Lewis for one moment appreciated the true +cause of our amusement, he would have been a broken +man. Happily his self-confidence was sublime, and, +when Daphne finally bowed and remarked with a dazzling +smile that no doubt he and her husband would +like to have a little chat after luncheon, he retired in a +perfect ecstasy of gratification.</p> + +<p>When he was out of earshot—</p> + +<p>"Why not ask him to come and live with us?" said +Berry. "He could go to the Loganberrys' ball on +Tuesday, and Jonah and I can put him up for the Club. +He might even stay for Ascot."</p> + +<p>"I think he's a topper," said I.</p> + +<p>"Old college pal, I suppose," said Jonah. "Let's +call the Stilton after him."</p> + +<p>"Listen," said Daphne. "Didn't you hear him say +he was something to do with coal? Well, the moment +he said it, I thought of what I've been trying to remember +ever since yesterday morning. We've got three +hundredweight left, and we've had more than our ration +already. For goodness' sake, get him to do something +for us."</p> + +<p>"You wicked woman," said Berry. "You wicked, +deceitful woman."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said Daphne. "It's just a stroke of +luck. Of course, he mayn't be able to help, but it's +worth trying. If you want to do without a hot bath—let +alone fires—for the next three months, I don't."</p> + +<p>"And I am to be the cat's-paw?" said Berry. "I'm +to have the felicity of hobnobbing with that poisonous +bounder——"</p> + +<p>"You've done it before," said I. "He remembers it +perfectly."</p> + +<p>"Vermin," said Berry, "you lie. My association +with that little pet was confined to the two solitary +occasions upon which I was so misguided as to be the +guest of a club of which he was not a member, but which +was, nevertheless, an institution of the college which he +adorned. After dinner it was customary to pay a +short but eventful visit to the rooms of the most unpopular +man in college. On each occasion Mr. Lewis's +rooms were unanimously selected."</p> + +<p>"Nemesis," said I. "He's getting his own back."</p> + +<p>"I rejoice to think," said my brother-in-law, "that +it was I who conceived the idea of secreting Chinese figs +in every pair of his boots and shoes that could be found. +If I remember, we used the best part of two boxes."</p> + +<p>"I depend upon you," said Daphne. "Be civil to +him for five minutes, and we'll—we'll wait for you +between St. Mary's and The Radcliffe."</p> + +<p>"But how nice of you! I should hate to suggest +that you were not taking any risks. Of course, a punt +moored in midstream would be safer."</p> + +<p>"He might be worse," said I. "I admit I could +spare the diamond, but at least he's not wearing a +cummerbund and sand shoes."</p> + +<p>"Hush," said Jonah. "He's keeping them for +Henley. You won't catch him out on dress. Ah me," +he added with a sigh, "I love to see old chums meet +again, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"There's nothing so touching," said I, "as a reunion +of souls. To revive the memory of boyhood's intimacy, +of joys and troubles shared, of visits to the tuck-shop.... +If the truth were known, I expect they were +always together, sort of inseparable, you know."</p> + +<p>"No doubt. Naturally, Berry's a bit shy at first, +but that's often the way. Before the afternoon's out, +he'll be calling him ''Erb' again, and they'll have +changed hats."</p> + +<p>"This," said Berry, "is intolerable. A little more +and I shall burst into large pear-shaped tears. Let's +pay the bill, will you?" He rose to his feet. "And +now I'm going to remember more things in five minutes +than Mr. Lewis has forgotten in thirteen years. Will +two tons be enough?"</p> + +<p>"Make it three," said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"And we are to reassemble between St. Mary's and +The Radcliffe. Or was it between The Radcliffe and +St. Mary's?"</p> + +<p>"We shall wait five minutes and no more," said I. +"That gives you one minute forty seconds a ton, or five +seconds a hundredweight. Keep the home fires +burning."</p> + +<p>"Mathematician and imitation humorist," said Berry. +"Isn't it wonderful? Don't forget to let me know +what the bill comes to. Just as a matter of interest."</p> + +<p>He sauntered in the direction of Mr. Lewis, who was +watching him with the air of a terrier that hopes to +be taken out for a walk....</p> + +<p>I called for the bill, and five minutes later the rest +of us were strolling across the cobbles under the shadow +of The Radcliffe Camera.</p> + +<p>"As soon as he comes," said Jonah, "we'll go to +New College. We can sit in the gardens there for a +bit and suck soda-mints. When the process of digestion +is completed, we can see the chapel and hall, and +then one of us can borrow a gown, and we'll look in +at The Bodleian."</p> + +<p>The project seemed admirable, but, as has been +frequently remarked, Man but proposes.</p> + +<p>More than four minutes had elapsed, and we were +casually sauntering towards The High, to see if Berry +was in sight, when the latter swung round the corner of +Brasenose with Mr. Lewis stepping joyously by his side.</p> + +<p>Instead of his grey Homburg, my brother-in-law was +wearing a soft clerical hat which was too small for him. +The ludicrous effect created by this substitution of +headgear can be more easily imagined than described.</p> + +<p>For a moment we wavered. Then Jill gave a shriek +of laughter, and we broke and scattered something +after the manner of a mounted reconnoitring patrol +that has unexpectedly "bumped into" a battalion +of the enemy. Our retreat, however, was not exactly +precipitate, and we endeavoured to invest it with a +semblance of hypocrisy not usually thought necessary +in warfare; but it was in no sense dignified, and only a +child, too young to differentiate between right and +wrong, could have failed to recognize the true motive +which prompted our withdrawal.</p> + +<p>Seizing Agatha by the arm I turned left about, +pointed vehemently to the dome of the Camera, and +hurried her in the direction of the gate which admitted +to that institution. Simultaneously Jonah wheeled +right about and, apparently imparting information of a +startling character concerning the east front of Brasenose +to his sister and cousin, began to hustle them +towards the entrance. To Berry's repeated nominal +exhortations we paid not the slightest attention. Coal +or no coal, the combination of Mr. Lewis and my +brother-in-law—the latter in a mood which the assumption +of so ridiculous a garb made it impossible to +mistake—was too awful to contemplate. There are +things which are worse than a cold bath.</p> + +<p>I did not stop until we were safely on the leads of +the Camera. Considerably out of breath, we leaned +cautiously upon the balustrade, if possible from our +eminence to observe the manoeuvres of our terror. +Look where we would, there was no one to be seen.</p> + +<p>"The brute must have followed the others into +B.N.C.," I panted. "I'd love to see them come out."</p> + +<p>"I think he's a scream," said Agatha. "If he could +only see himself in that hat...."</p> + +<p>She dissolved into peals of laughter.</p> + +<p>"I agree. But I'd rather watch from the stalls than +assist him in one of his turns."</p> + +<p>"Stalls? This is more like the gallery."</p> + +<p>"True. But remember. 'Who sups with the devil +should hold a long spoon.' All the same, if you can +bear another proverb, 'It's an ill wind,' etc. If I +hadn't been hard up for a refuge, I should never have +thought of bringing you up here, and for any one to get +an idea of Oxford it's as good a place as I know."</p> + +<p>Miss Deriot gazed at the magnificent prospect before +replying.</p> + +<p>"It ought to make me feel very small," she said +suddenly, "but somehow it doesn't. It's so terribly +old and all that, but it's got such a kind look."</p> + +<p>"That," said I, "is the quality of Oxford. And I +congratulate you. You are articulate where wise men +have stood dumb. Perhaps it's because you're so much +alike."</p> + +<p>"Who."</p> + +<p>"You and Oxford."</p> + +<p>"Am I so terribly old?"</p> + +<p>I shook my head.</p> + +<p>"But you're beautifully built, and you've got a kind +look and handsome ways, and your temples are a dream, +and all our swains commend you, and——"</p> + +<p>"Stop, stop. You're getting mixed."</p> + +<p>"Not at all. My intellect was never less clouded. +In spite of two glasses of ginger beer, my hand is like a +spade—I mean a rock. Insert a fly in your eye, and I +will remove it unhesitatingly."</p> + +<p>"I'll take your word for it," said Agatha.</p> + +<p>"One of these days I shall compare you to a burst of +melody. At the present moment I am between your +dimple and the deep sea."</p> + +<p>"The dimple you are," said Agatha, with a smile +that promised laughter with difficulty suppressed.</p> + +<p>Amusedly I regarded her.</p> + +<p>She was very tastefully dressed. A blue silk coat +and a white laced blouse beneath it, a pale grey skirt of +some soft stuff, grey silk stockings and small grey +shoes—these with a hat of crocheted silk that matched her +jersey—suited her pretty figure and the April day to +rare perfection.</p> + +<p>Leaning easily against the worn masonry of the +balustrade, slight, lithe and graceful, she was the +embodiment of vitality in repose. She stood so still, +but there was a light shining in the brown eyes, that +were cast down and over the parapet, keeping a careful +watch for any indication of Berry's activity, a tell-tale +quiver of the sensitive nostrils, an eagerness hanging on +the parted lips, which, with her flushed cheeks, lent to +a striking face an air of freshness and a keen <i>joie de +vivre</i> that was exhilarating beyond description.</p> + +<p>"I wonder what's happening," said Agatha, nodding +down at the gateway. "Can they get out another +way?"</p> + +<p>"I'm not sure. There is another gate, but——"</p> + +<p>"At last," said a familiar voice. "I wouldn't have +missed those stairs for anything. Think of the fools +who've trodden them before." The next moment Berry, +followed by Mr. Lewis, made his appearance. "Why, +here are our little playmates." He advanced beaming. +"Don't be shy any longer. And what a storied retreat +you have selected!" He indicated the building with a +sweep of his arm. "You know, originally this was a +helter-skelter lighthouse, but Henry the Eighth lost his +mat half-way down the chute, and had it closed down +in revenge. There was a great deal of feeling about it. +Especially on the part of the King. He hunted from +a litter for months."</p> + +<p>I addressed myself to Miss Deriot.</p> + +<p>"Wonderfully well-informed, isn't he? Scratch the +buffoon and you get the charlatan."</p> + +<p>Berry turned to Mr. Lewis.</p> + +<p>"Much of my crowded life," he said, "has been +devoted to research. I am, as it were, a crystal +fount of knowledge. I beg that you will bathe in me."</p> + +<p>Not knowing exactly what reply to make to this offer, +Mr. Lewis laughed heartily, while Agatha, overcome +with emotion, hurriedly turned away and stared over +the roofs of Oxford, shaking with long spasms of +laughter.</p> + +<p>Stifling a desire to join her, I crossed to Mr. Lewis +and engaged him in reasonable conversation, while +Berry seized the opportunity of indicating to Agatha +the main points of the city, accompanying his gesticulations +with a series of inaudible remarks, which, to +judge from their reception, concerned Mr. Lewis more +nearly than Oxford, and were of a grotesque character. +I was just leading up to the question of fuel, when a cry +from my brother-in-law interrupted me.</p> + +<p>"My hag," he announced, "is below. With a +notorious winebibber. Where are the women police?"</p> + +<p>The next moment he had slid an arm through +Agatha's and had begun to descend. I followed with +Mr. Lewis....</p> + +<p>I pass over the meeting in the street below, which I +was just in time to witness. Berry's swoop was so +sudden that his prey appeared to realize that the game +was up, and made no attempt to fly. It was almost +piteous. An apprehension of certain embarrassment +to come extinguished the instant impulse to shriek with +laughter which was written plain upon their faces, and +my sister gave one wild glance about her before turning +to face the delinquent.</p> + +<p>As I came up she addressed him.</p> + +<p>"Berry, I appeal to you to take off that hat."</p> + +<p>"My tongue," was the reply, "I mean my hands, +are clean. Bereft of my own headgear, I had no +choice. Some absent-minded priest is now scandalizing +his parishioners by parading in a pearl-grey Homburg +which is four sizes too big for him, while I—would you +have me go naked in the streets?"</p> + +<p>Here the Vice-Chancellor passed, preceded by his +Bedels with staves reversed, and Berry uncovered and +fell upon his knees. Surprised by the unwonted attention, +the dignitary raised his mortar-board and +bowed.</p> + +<p>"Let's go and touch him," said Berry excitedly. +"Then we shan't get the King's Evil. That's the +origin of inoculation."</p> + +<p>"I implore you," said Daphne, "to behave yourself. +As a personal favour——"</p> + +<p>"You see in me," said her husband, "a huntleyed +palmer seeking the tomb of Anne of Cloves. On finding +it, I must scourge myself. Anyone who directs me to +it will be assaulted."</p> + +<p>"She's buried at Oranges," said Jonah. "But don't +let that stop you."</p> + +<p>Berry replaced his wideawake and stared at him.</p> + +<p>"To mock me," he said, "is most dangerous. Several +people have been transformed for such an offence. +Only yesterday I was compelled to change a taxi-driver +into a Gorgonzola of military age."</p> + +<p>Several clocks struck the half-hour. Half-past two.</p> + +<p>"Look here," said I. "We want to go to New +College and 'The House,' but we can't push off if you're +going to come with us looking like that. For Heaven's +sake, go back to <i>The Mitre</i> and get your own hat. +Mr. Lewis, won't you go and fix him up?"</p> + +<p>Quick as a flash, Daphne threw her weight into the +scale which I had slung.</p> + +<p>"Yes, do," she implored. "You know, you oughtn't +to have let him come out like that," she added, with +a reproachful smile. "And then you can join us a +New College."</p> + +<p>Our manoeuvre was successful beyond all expectation. +His vanity flattered, the gentleman addressed flung +himself into the breach with every manifestation of +delight, and, seizing my brother-in-law by the arm, +haled him gleefully in the direction of The High, +humouring his obvious reluctance with the familiar +assurances which one usually associates with the persuasion +of the unsober.</p> + +<p>In silence we watched them till they had turned the +corner. Then—</p> + +<p>"Did I say New College?" said Daphne hurriedly.</p> + +<p>"You did," said I. "So we'd better go straight to +'The House.'"</p> + +<p>Three minutes later we were exploring my old rooms +in Peckwater Quadrangle, Christ Church.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>In spite of its inauspicious beginning, we spent an +enjoyable afternoon. By common consent New College +was ruled out of our itinerary, but Oxford cannot be +viewed in a day, and we found much to delight our +senses south of the High Street. Finally, a languorous +journey by punt from the Barges to Magdalen Bridge +more than compensated us for the somnolent half-hour +which we had been proposing to spend under the shadow +of the City Wall.</p> + +<p>Our return to <i>The Mitre</i>—a movement which +was effected with great caution—was eagerly awaited +by the hall-porter, who inquired anxiously regarding +my brother-in-law, and produced his grey Homburg +with a note addressed <i>To the Owner</i> stuck in the hatband.</p> + +<p>"The gentleman as was of your party, sir, was +inquirin' about 'is 'at an hour or two back, sir. 'E 'adn't +'ardly gone, when a reverend gent come in, all of a state, +with this 'at in 'is 'and. Seems he took it away absent-minded +like, instead of 'is own, sir. Though 'ow 'e +can 'ave made such a mistake I can't think, 'is bein' a +Church 'at as plain as plain. But they're like that up +'ere, sir, some o' them."</p> + +<p>We stared at one another, frankly astonished to learn +that Berry's fantastic explanation was founded strictly +upon fact.</p> + +<p>"Did the clergyman get his own back?" said I.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir. 'Ere it was in the 'all."</p> + +<p>Apparently neither the porter nor the divine had any +idea of the abuse to which the latter's wideawake had +been put.</p> + +<p>"Oh, well, our friend'll be in presently," said Jonah, +taking the Homburg. "When he comes, tell him we've +got his hat and are having tea."</p> + +<p>"Very good, sir. You see there's a note there, sir? +The reverend wrote it 'ere. I think 'e was 'opin' to +ave seen your gentleman and told 'im 'ow sorry 'e was, +but when 'e 'card 'e was out, 'e sits down an' writes 'im +a letter. 'E was in a state."</p> + +<p>"Poor man," said Daphne, following after Jonah. +"After all, there's no harm done."</p> + +<p>"It was a near thing," said I. "But for my brain-wave——"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said Daphne, "I got him away."</p> + +<p>"To be candid," said Jonah, "if anybody's to get a +mention, I'm inclined to think it should be Mr. Lewis."</p> + +<p>While we were waiting for tea, I read the letter aloud.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I can never adequately express my regret for the +distressing, if momentary, aberration unhappily responsible +for my appropriation of a hat which in no way +resembles my own.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I dare entertain no hope that inconvenience has not +resulted to you, but I beg that you will accept, first, my +fervid assurance that it was not of industry, but of case +that I offended, and, secondly, my most humble apologies +for the commission of so unfriendly a gest.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am, Sir,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Your obedient Servant,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Luke St. J. Bildew, B.D.</span></i></p> + +<p>When I had finished—</p> + +<p>"I don't understand half of it," said Jill.</p> + +<p>"I confess it needs annotating, but it's worth keeping, +for it's the real thing, my dear—a human document. +You see, Oxford is the most wonderful backwater in the +world, but—it's a backwater."</p> + +<p>"And if you stay in it always," said Agatha, "and +never come out into the stream——"</p> + +<p>"You are liable to take the wrong hat and to write +letters that would be the better for footnotes."</p> + +<p>Berry arrived with the tea.</p> + +<p>In silence he received his own hat, compared it with +one which he had just purchased, and then handed the +latter to the waiter. In silence he read Mr. Bildew's +note. In silence he selected a piece of bread and +butter and sank into a chair.</p> + +<p>"I can't bear it," said Daphne. "Where's Mr. +Lewis?"</p> + +<p>"Happily he decided to catch a train twenty minutes +ago. Otherwise it would have been murder. I should +have pleaded guilty to manslaughter, committed under +extreme provocation. That man oughtn't to be allowed. +I suppose you forgot to go to New College. Yes, just +so."</p> + +<p>"And the coal?" said I. "Have you fixed that +up?"</p> + +<p>"Three tons of the best nuts are to be delivered <i>sub +rosa</i> between two and three to-morrow afternoon. +Nothing is to be said, nothing signed. Nobody is to +know anything about it. The carter will simply take +up the plate, shoot the stuff in, and push off. As I +happened to have six pounds ten shillings upon me, +the transaction will not be recorded." With a depreciatory +hand he waved aside the involuntary buzz of +grateful admiration. "I am not long for this world. +I am, as it were, ear-marked for a more worthy sphere. +My translation may occur any moment. I should like +Lewis to have some trifle in memory of me. A personal +effect, I mean. I've got a gun-metal sovereign-case +somewhere. But anything useful will do."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>We made a point of being in upon the following +afternoon. It was not often that we all sat down to +lunch together, but the satisfaction of witnessing the +delivery of three precious tons of coal in the teeth of the +authorities was more than we could forego. The +butler was admitted to our confidence, and instructed +to stifle any attempt to allay curiosity, by interpretation +of the carman, that might originate in the +servants' hall, and immediately after luncheon, which +finished at three minutes to two, an O.P. was established +by the side of one of the dining-room windows, +in which Jill was posted with orders to advise us +directly the convoy appeared.</p> + +<p>In the library we spent a restless time. Berry, +usually somnolent at this hour, sat upon the club kerb +and toyed with <i>The Times</i>. Jonah fidgeted with a +refractory pipe. Daphne glanced from the clock to +her novel and the novel to the clock at intervals of +fifteen seconds, and I wrote four letters to the War +Office about my gratuity, and very properly destroyed +them as incoherent one after another.</p> + +<p>At a quarter past two, by common consent, I visited +Jill to see if she was asleep.... When I made my report +we reminded one another that Mr. Lewis had said +between two and three, and agreed that it was early +as yet.</p> + +<p>At half-past two Daphne left the room and did not +return.</p> + +<p>At twenty minutes to three I made no attempt to +disguise my uneasiness, and joined my cousin and sister +in the dining-room.</p> + +<p>Ten minutes later Jonah and Berry came in.</p> + +<p>After a hurried consultation it was decided that, if +the coal had not arrived in ten minutes' time, Berry +should telephone to Mr. Lewis forthwith. Almost +immediately it was found that nobody knew the man's +number, initials, or address, and reference to the +Directory showed that there were four columns of +subscribers all bearing his name.</p> + +<p>At five minutes past three the strain was telling, and +every one's temper began more or less to show signs of +wear and tear.</p> + +<p>"Are you sure," said Daphne for the fourth time, +"that it was to come between two and three?"</p> + +<p>"No," said her husband. "That's why I've been +waiting."</p> + +<p>"Fool," said his wife.</p> + +<p>Berry sighed.</p> + +<p>"Some people are very hard to please. If I were you, +I should take a course of ventriloquism. Then you can +ask yourself questions and give yourself any perishing +answers you like. At times you might even revile +yourself."</p> + +<p>Five minutes later Jonah announced that he was +going to Ranelagh, and inquired whether any one +wanted a round of golf. Berry accepted the invitation, +and they left together.</p> + +<p>The arrival of Fitch with the car at half-past three +reminded my sister that she was going to call upon +some one in Regent's Park, and she withdrew in a state +of profound depression.</p> + +<p>Jill, who was on the very brink of tears, refused to +leave her post until a quarter to four, and, when that +hour arrived, slow-treading but coalless, it was only +my promise to take her to see Charlie Chaplin forthwith +that could coax the ghost of a smile to play about +her lips.</p> + +<p>As I closed the front-door behind us, a neighbouring +clock struck four.</p> + +<p>Moodily we walked down the street, talking of cinemas +and thinking of coal. Had our thoughts been otherwise +employed, the condition of the pavement outside +a house about a hundred and twenty yards down on the +opposite side would have recalled them pellmell to +our disappointment. It was obvious that a considerable +quantity of coal had been recently delivered to a more +fortunate <i>ménage</i>. Idly I looked at the number of the +house. <i>From either pillar of the porch a freshly +painted "38" grinned at me.</i> For a moment I stared +at them blankly. Then Jill gave a choking cry and +caught at my arm....</p> + +<p>I realized with a shock that, while Mr. Lewis had been +as good as his word, my brother-in-law's recollection of +our change of address was less dependable.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI</h2> + +<p>HOW NOBBY ATTENDED A WEDDING, AND BERRY +SPOKE NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">"I</span>f I am to drive," said Jonah, "I won't be responsible +for doing it in a minute under two hours." +He looked down at Nobby, who, with a section of one +of my shoe-trees in his mouth, was importuning him to +play by the simple expedient of thrusting the bauble +against the calf of his leg. "My good dog, if you expect +me to interrupt an agreeable breakfast to join +you in the one-sided game of which you never tire, you +are doomed to disappointment. Go and worry your +owner."</p> + +<p>With a reproachful look the terrier took his advice +and, trotting across to the sideboard, laid his toy at my +feet and looked up expectantly. I hardened my heart.</p> + +<p>"It is not my practice," said I, "to gambol upon an +empty stomach. Try Jill."</p> + +<p>Slowly the brown eyes sank from mine to the bottom +button of my waistcoat. As I moved to my place, plate +in hand, he gave a protesting bark, which was answered +by a fox-terrier from the box-seat of a passing van. In +a flash Nobby was upon the sill of the open window, +hurling defiance at the intruder.</p> + +<p>"Is he coming with us?" said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"I don't see why he shouldn't. We can leave him +at Hillingdon while we're at Church. By the way, +what time does the balloon go up?"</p> + +<p>"The marriage," said Jonah, "is to be solemnized +at two o'clock. As I said a moment ago, it'll take us +two hours to get there. If we start at eleven, that'll +give us an hour to brush one another, lunch and rehearse +the series of genial banalities with which it is the habit +of wedding-guests to insult one another's intelligence."</p> + +<p>"I believe," said Jill, "I heard the telephone."</p> + +<p>I called upon Nobby to suspend his fury, and we all +listened. Sure enough, a long spasm of ringing came +simultaneously from the library and the lobby in the +back hall.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't be surprised," said I, "if that was the +Club, to tell me I've drawn a runner in the three-pound +sweep." And, with that, I left my kidneys and repaired +to the library.</p> + +<p>"Can I speak to Major Pleydell?" said a voice.</p> + +<p>"Who is it, please?"</p> + +<p>"The Waddell Institute speaking."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes. Will you hold the line?"</p> + +<p>I went to the foot of the stairs and shouted for Berry. +There was no reply. In some annoyance I ascended +the first flight and shouted again. From behind a +closed door his voice answered me. It was with a +malicious pleasure that I located its origin....</p> + +<p>A moment later I opened the bathroom door.</p> + +<p>From the depths of a luxurious bath Berry regarded +me.</p> + +<p>"That's right," he said. "You come in. Don't +take any notice of me. And don't shut the door, or +the servants won't be able to see in."</p> + +<p>"You are wanted," said I, "upon the telephone."</p> + +<p>"How interesting!" said Berry. "I suppose you +told them to hold on."</p> + +<p>"I did."</p> + +<p>He sank into a recumbent position and crossed his +legs.</p> + +<p>"What a marvellous thing," he said, "the telephone +is. There's that fool, Heaven knows how many miles +away, sitting with his ear glued to a piece of vulcanite, +and here am I in the midst of an exacting toilet—d'you +think he'd hear me if I were to shout? Or would you +rather take a message?"</p> + +<p>"It is," said I, "the Waddell Institute."</p> + +<p>The savagery with which my brother-in-law invested +a very ordinary expletive was quite remarkable.</p> + +<p>"Why," he added, sitting upright, "cannot they ring +up at a lawful hour? Why must they——"</p> + +<p>The sentence was never finished. With the rush +of a whirlwind, Nobby tore into the room. His delight +at having run me to earth was transformed to ecstasy +at encountering unexpectedly another member of the +household, hitherto missing from his tale, and, observing +that the latter's face was a reasonable distance from the +ground, and so less inaccessible than usual, the Sealyham +leapt upon the rim of the bath to offer the lick of +greeting which it was his practice to bestow.</p> + +<p>The result was inevitable.</p> + +<p>Nobby tried to save himself by reaching for Berry's +shoulder with his forepaws, but at the critical moment +his buffer flinched, the paws fell short of their objective, +and with a startled grunt the terrier fell heavily into +the bath, his desperate claws leaving two long abrasions +upon his victim's ribs.</p> + +<p>The scene that followed baffles description.</p> + +<p>Berry began to roar like a wounded bull, while a +bedraggled Nobby scrambled and blew and slipped and +scratched, caring not at all what was his understanding, +so long as it provided a foothold and kept his head above +water.</p> + +<p>"He thinks I'm a straw!" yelled Berry. "He's +catching at me. Don't stand there like a half-baked +corner-boy. Get him <i>out</i>!"</p> + +<p>But I was helpless with laughter, from which I only +recovered in time to rescue the offender, who, with the +bath to himself, was swimming sturdily in the deep +water and scrabbling fruitlessly on the porcelain, while +Berry, in a bath-dressing-gown and a loud voice, identified +and enumerated the several scratches upon his +person.</p> + +<p>"For Heaven's sake," said I, "go and answer the +telephone."</p> + +<p>"I shall die," said Berry, slipping his feet into a pair +of pumps. "I shall get pneumonia (bis) and die. I +got into that bath in the prime, as it were, the very +heyday of life. And now.... At least, I shall be in +the fashion. 'The body of the deceased bore signs of +extreme physical violence.' Any more for the crime +wave?"</p> + +<p>I wrapped Nobby in my brother-in-law's towel and +followed the latter downstairs.</p> + +<p>My sister was standing in the library's doorway.</p> + +<p>"What on earth," she demanded, "has been the +matter?"</p> + +<p>I held up my hand.</p> + +<p>"Listen."</p> + +<p>Berry was speaking upon the telephone.</p> + +<p>"Is that the Waddell Institute? I am so very +sorry—I might almost say distracted—that you should have +been kept waiting.... You see, I've just been +mauled.... No. Not 'called,' mauled. Emma, ak, +u, l for leather—I beg your pardon. Yes, isn't it +tawful? Well, if you must know, it was a bloodhound. +They told me at the Dogs' Home that he'd lost his scent +as a result of the air raids, but last night the charwoman +gave him a sausage I'd left, and he pulled me +down this morning.... Yes. This is Major Pleydell.... +Oh, Walter Thomas Dale? Yes, I remember +perfectly.... Received the requisite number of votes? +Splendid.... Can be admitted on the fifteenth of +June? Thanks very much.... What?... Oh, I +shall pull round. Yes, thanks. I shall just get the +wounds plugged, and.... Good-bye."</p> + +<p>We heard the receiver replaced.</p> + +<p>"Hurray!" cried Daphne. "I am glad. That's a +real load off my mind. Write and tell them this +morning, will you?" I looked up from the operation +of drying Nobby and nodded. "Poor people, they'll +be so thankful. And now, what happened upstairs?"</p> + +<p>"Mixed bathing," said I. "Your husband had not +left the bath when Nobby entered it. Both were frightened, +but neither was hurt."</p> + +<p>As I spoke, Berry emerged from the library with a +cigarette in his mouth.</p> + +<p>"My milk-white skin," he said, "has been defaced. +My beautiful trunk has been lacerated as with jagged +nails. You know, I tremble for that dog's soul. It +mayn't be his fault, but it's invariably my misfortune." +He turned to my sister. "You heard about Walter +Thomas? Good. And now I shall slip on some iodine +and underclothes and come down as I am."</p> + +<p>"Jonah says we must leave at eleven," said Daphne. +"For goodness' sake, don't be late."</p> + +<p>"My wedding garments are prepared and but await +my entry. The sponge-bag trousers are unrolled, the +elastic-sided boots untreed, the made-up tie dusted. Of +course, we're taking Nobby?"</p> + +<p>I looked up from my charge, who was by this time +fairly dry and as full of beans as an egg is of meat.</p> + +<p>"Of course."</p> + +<p>"Of course. You never know. I might get run +over. That'd give him an opening."</p> + +<p>"Here," said I, "is your towel. He's all right now."</p> + +<p>Carefully Berry fingered the fabric.</p> + +<p>"He was wet, wasn't he?" he said. "Yes. I +suppose I can dry myself on the curtains. I wonder +which of us he would bite if I were to assault you." +He hung the towel over his arm, picked up the terrier +and looked into his eyes. "You wicked scrap! Why, +he's not nearly dry yet." Nobby licked his face. +"Come along up with uncle, and we'll share the bath-mat."</p> + +<p>The two disappeared up the staircase, wrangling +amicably regarding my brother-in-law's right to pull +the terrier's whiskers.</p> + +<p>"You won't forget to write, will you?" said Daphne, +as we returned to the dining-room.</p> + +<p>"I promise," said I. "You shall see the letter."</p> + +<p>Trooper Dale, W., had been in my squadron in the +field, and for three weeks he had taken my first servant's +place. Incidentally he had also taken two pounds ten +shillings in notes, which I frankly admit I had no business +to have left in my pocket. Taxed with the theft, +he had broken down and told me a piteous tale.</p> + +<p>A delicate wife and a little boy with curvature of the +spine needed every honest halfpenny that could be +turned—and more also. Between a chauffeur's wages +and his Army pay there was fixed a great gulf, and—well, +it was hard to know that the child was suffering +for want of nourishment.</p> + +<p>I caused inquiries to be made. A convenient aunt +investigated the case and found it genuine. Between +us we did what we could. Then, on her return from +Egypt, my sister visited the family and reported that +they would be most thankful if the child could be +admitted to a first-class home. With the Waddell +Institute Berry had Influence, and at last a coveted +vacancy had been obtained....</p> + +<p>Before we left for Monk's Honour I composed a +suitable letter to the ex-trooper, telling him that his +little boy could soon be received into an institution, +from which there was every reason to believe that he +would eventually emerge comparatively restored to +health.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It was a lovely day. And we were glad of it, for at +two o'clock my Cousin Madrigal was to be married from +the old house where she was born, and in the old church +In which she was baptized. A special train was being +run from London, but Monk's Honour lay four miles +from the nearest station, and it was doubtful if the +supply of cars and carriages would prove equal to the +demand. Therefore we had decided to go down by +road. With my uncle's land marched the well-timbered +acres of Hillingdon, where the Tanyons lived, and they +had very kindly invited us to luncheon, so that we +should not descend untimely upon a simmering household. +In their keeping we proposed to leave Nobby +and the car. The house was only five minutes' walk +from the church and as many again from Madrigal's +home, so that once we had reached the village we +should need no conveyance until the time came for us +to return to Town.</p> + +<p>For a wonder we were all on time, and it was barely +eleven o'clock when Jonah let in the clutch and the +Rolls began to move. Daphne sat in front, and Jill +between Berry and me on the back seat. The girls +wore dust-cloaks to save their finery, and two large +bandboxes concealed their respective hats. Berry, +Jonah and I wore light overcoats above our morning-dress, +and three tall hats, ironed to perfection, each in +his stiff white hat-box, jostled one another on the mat +at our feet. A smaller box by their side contained three +blooming gardenias.</p> + +<p>Once clear of London Jonah gave the Rolls her head, +and we were soon floating through the midst of blowing +cherry orchards and fragrant hop gardens, which of the +great sun were quick with radiance.</p> + +<p>The deeper we plunged into the countryside, the +richer this became. Here was a treasure of woodland, +and there a wealth of pasture: grey lichened walls +hoarded a precious park, keeping the timid deer in +generous custody: a silver stream stole between smiling +hayfields, crept shadowed and cool under the dusty +road and, beyond, braided a spreading cloth of golden +buttercups, that glowed with a soft brilliancy, such +as no handicraft on earth could coax from the hard +heart of costly metal.</p> + +<p>Presently we left the main road to sail up a curling +hill, and over and down past a fair steading into a +friendly valley, where the cattle stood drowsy under the +shelter of giant chestnut trees, and luxuriant hawthorns +in full blossom filled all the neighbouring air with timely +sweetness. At the bidding of an aged finger-post +Jonah turned to the left, and a moment later the car +was scudding up a leafy lane, high-banked, narrow, and +soon so screened and arched with foliage that in a little +we were being swept through a veritable tunnel, +seemingly driven through the living green. More than +once the lane changed direction, but the tunnel held: +the ground was rising, but we sailed on, the steady purr +of the engine swelling into a low snarl as we swung to +right and left between the cool green walls....</p> + +<p>As we slid through Marvel, the clock of the old grey +church showed us that it was five and twenty to one. +We were in good time, for now but a short seven miles +lay between us and the village which we sought.</p> + +<p>Jonah settled himself in his seat and prepared to +cover the last lap at an easier pace....</p> + +<p>Before we had realized what was happening, it was +all over.</p> + +<p>The road which we were using ran at right angles +into a better-class way by the side of an old oast-house. +Here, for Monk's Honour, we must turn to the left. +Jonah, prince of drivers, slowed for the turn and sounded +his horn carefully, for ours was the lesser road. As we +rounded the corner there was a deafening roar, a cry, +a violent shock, a splintering crash, the Rolls quivered +like a ship that has struck, and a great green touring +car tore past and was gone in a cloud and a flurry of +dust before we had come to rest with our near fore-wheel +eighteen inches up the near-side bank.</p> + +<p>Dazedly I watched a little white dog with a black +patch take a flying leap into the road, stumble, pick +himself up, and hurl himself in the wake of the monster, +barking furiously. Then the whirling dust swallowed +him up, and I saw him no more.</p> + +<p>"LF 8057," said Daphne. "LF 8057. Write it +down, somebody. Quick. LF 8057."</p> + +<p>"That's right," said Jonah. "I got it too. LF 8057."</p> + +<p>In silence I dragged a pencil out of my pocket and +with trembling fingers wrote down the precious figures +on the back of an envelope.</p> + +<p>"Anybody hurt?" continued Jonah, screwing himself +round to look at the back seat.</p> + +<p>"We're all right," said I. "But it was a close call."</p> + +<p>"The brute!" cried Jill passionately. "The beastly +stinking——"</p> + +<p>Berry spoke between his clenched teeth in a voice +shaken with choler.</p> + +<p>"We'll have that blistered swine if we have to drag +hell for him. For all he knows, the car's overturned +and on fire, and we're pinned under it. It's German. +Pure full-blooded German. It's the most verminous +thing I've ever dreamed of. It's——Burn it! Words +fail me."</p> + +<p>He rose and got out of the car. I followed him and +helped Jill to alight. She was a little pale, and, when +she saw the havoc on the off-side, her eyes began to +fill with tears.</p> + +<p>I put my arm about her.</p> + +<p>"Don't worry, darling. It looks worse than it is. +And we'll have that merchant's blood. We've got his +number."</p> + +<p>Daphne came up to comfort her, and Jonah, after a +cursory glance at the damage, limped to the opposite +side of the road, sat down on the bank, and lighted a +cigarette.</p> + +<p>"What was he doing?" said Berry, his face still a +dark red.</p> + +<p>I shrugged my shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Shouldn't like to say. Maybe seventy. Maybe +more. But it was a frightful pace." I pointed along +the road to left and right. "See how it curves. And +we're on the outside of the bend. To clear us at that +pace, he'd 've had to go over himself."</p> + +<p>"How can we hit him best?"</p> + +<p>"All round. We can summon him under the Motor +Car Acts and bring a civil action for damages. He +ought to go down heavily."</p> + +<p>"No escape?"</p> + +<p>"I should say we've got him cold."</p> + +<p>Berry heaved a long sigh and clapped me on the back.</p> + +<p>"I feel better already," he said.</p> + +<p>Before doing anything else, Jonah and I subjected +the Rolls to a careful examination.</p> + +<p>Both wings and the running-board on the off-side +had been ripped off, and the front axle was bent by the +side of the steering-pin. The off fore-wheel had apparently +been struck on the tire, and the fact that neither +of the fore-wheels had collapsed spoke volumes for +their sturdy construction. The shock, however, had +put the steering-gear out of action. So far as we could +tell, that was the extent of the damage. Whether any +further injuries would later appear, it was impossible +to say.</p> + +<p>I crossed to the girls and Berry, who were seated +disconsolate upon the bank on the opposite side of the +road. Heavily I made my report.</p> + +<p>"There's only one thing to do," I concluded. "I +must leg it to Marvel and see if I can raise a couple of +mechanics, some tools, and a car. I can drive back +with them, and then we can leave them here and all go +on in the hireling to Hillingdon. We shan't get any +lunch, but we'll be in time for the wedding, with luck. +By the time we get back from Monk's Honour, if the +fellows know their job, we ought to be able to get the +Rolls to Marvel under her own power. From there she'll +have to come up to Town by rail. And we can go back +by the special, whenever it leaves."</p> + +<p>As I finished speaking, Jill gave a little cry, and I +turned to see a small white scrap, way down the long +white road, plodding wearily in our direction. It was +our Champion. As he came nearer, it was obvious that +he was much exhausted. More than once he stumbled, +and a red tongue lolled from his gaping jaws; but his +little tail was up, and, as he toiled gamely towards us, +he wagged it to and fro by way of greeting. Of one +accord we welcomed him with a cheer. Obviously +gratified by our appreciation, Nobby smiled an unmistakable +smile and, wagging his tail more vigorously +than before, quickened his flagging steps. A moment +later he thrust a dusty nose against my extended hand +and, bowing his tousled head sideways by way of +homage, rolled over on his back and lay panting in the +shade at my feet.</p> + +<p>"Good little chap," said I, stroking his heaving flank. +"It didn't take you long to get a move on."</p> + +<p>"You darling!" said Jill, stooping to caress him +"The way you went after that car was just heroic."</p> + +<p>"I suppose," said Berry, "that if I were to suggest +that he knew perfectly well that he couldn't catch it, +and that it was nothing more than a brilliant display of +eye-wash, I should be abused."</p> + +<p>"What a shame!" cried Daphne and Jill in a breath. +"What a beastly shame!"</p> + +<p>"I said so," said Berry. "Now, if I'd got out and +chased it, you'd have had me certified."</p> + +<p>"I agree," I retorted. "And if you were to offer to +walk to Marvel instead of me, I should have you +watched."</p> + +<p>"Don't be afraid," was the rejoinder. "The shock +was severe, but I'm not as bad as that. How soon +d'you think you'll be back?"</p> + +<p>I turned to my sister.</p> + +<p>"I'm banking on being able to get a car. But there +mayn't be one. So, if you can get a lift, don't wait." +I pointed to Nobby. "He'll want to come with me, so +hang on to him. And if you could find some water"—I +glanced at the oast-house—"I think he'd be glad of it."</p> + +<p>"All right, dear. Take it as easy as you can."</p> + +<p>A moment later I was striding along the Marvel road.</p> + +<p>By the time I had covered the two miles it was a +quarter past one, and I was unpleasantly hot. I was +also conscious of being improperly dressed in an unusually +loose grey overcoat, tweed cap, striped cashmere +trousers and patent-leather boots. I had taken off my +morning coat and waistcoat before starting to walk, +but the heat was awful, and my stiff white shirt and +collar were wilting visibly....</p> + +<p>I was fortunate to obtain the services of two mechanics, +but I must confess that my face fell when the only +car that was available proved to be a 1908 Ford....</p> + +<p>As we drew up at the fatal corner, the others came +out of the oast-house to see what was making the noise. +When they beheld their conveyance, they were profoundly +moved.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to say," said Daphne, "that this is +the best you could do?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>"And you'll have to look sharp if you want to be +there before the service is over. One cylinder's missing."</p> + +<p>"So's the skid-pan," said Berry. "And where's the +back seat? I beg your pardon—I'd got it the wrong +way round. It is facing that way, isn't it? Yes. Oh, +but what a line! What finish! You know, all it +wants is a board with 'Ancient Lights' on the radiator, +and somebody to close its doors one day in every year, +and then, whenever the fowls lay in it, you can turn +them out."</p> + +<p>During this eulogy Jonah had been busy transferring +the hat-boxes from the Rolls, and two minutes later +the mechanics had been given their instructions, and we +were ready to start.</p> + +<p>I took the wheel, with Jonah sitting beside me. +Daphne and Jill sat upon the back seat, and Berry, in +a standing position, Nobby, the hat-boxes, and the +buttonholes more than occupied the remaining space.</p> + +<p>"Right behind?" I inquired.</p> + +<p>"Anything but," said Berry. "Still, the door that +will shut is closed, so carry on."</p> + +<p>As tenderly as I could, I let In the clutch.</p> + +<p>Instantly, with a frightful jerk, the car leapt forward.</p> + +<p>As it did so, Berry lost his balance and, with a yell +of apprehension, fell heavily into the welter of hat-and +bandboxes, the cardboard of which gave right and left. +Construing his involuntary action as the demonstration +of a new game, Nobby immediately leaped barking +upon him and began to lick his face. Daphne and Jill +clung to one another, convulsed with merriment and +emitting such tremulous wails of laughter as the +function of breathing would permit, while, with tears +coursing down his cheeks, Jonah was trying to bellow +a coherent description of the catastrophe into my ear. +And all the time the good old car ground raving along +the road, heaving herself over the macadam in a sickening +series of lurches, to every one of which we found +ourselves reluctantly compelled to conform....</p> + +<p>The bride was ten minutes late, and we beat her by +a short head. As we were ushered, breathing heavily, +into our places, there was a tell-tale stir at the porch, +uprose the strains of a well-known hymn, the bridegroom +glanced round and gave slightly at the knees, +and the next moment his future wife had entered the +aisle.</p> + +<p>Furtively I felt my collar and wiped the perspiration +from my face.... It was with something of a shock +that, as the echoes of the "Amen" died away, I heard +a familiar growl.</p> + +<p>Hastily I turned in my seat to see Nobby three paces +away. With back arched, one fore-paw raised, and his +white teeth bared, he was regarding the trousers of an +amateur sidesman, who had set a foot upon the broken +string which trailed from his collar, with a menacing +glare....</p> + +<p>By the time I had bestowed the terrier under lock +and key and returned to the church, Madrigal was +signing her maiden name for the last time.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Five days later Berry received the following letter:—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Mr. Douglas Bladder of The Vines, Swete Rowley, +has handed us your communication of the twenty-third +inst.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>We are instructed to say that, while there is no doubt +that its number is LF 8057, Mr. Bladder's car did not +leave the garage upon the day of the accident in which you +were concerned, for the reason that he and his chauffeur +were engaged in overhauling the engine.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>It is therefore obvious that a mistake has been made, and +that unless some other car was bearing his number, which +you will agree is improbable, in the natural confusion of +the moment the letters or figures or both upon the offender's +number-plate were misread.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Our client wishes us to add that, while the tone of your +letter is not such as he is accustomed to, he appreciates +that it was written while you were smarting under a sense +of grave injury, and was indeed intended for somebody +other than himself.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours faithfully,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>BERTHEIM AND GROWTH.</i></p> + +<p>This being the quarter in which the wind was sitting, +we made our dispositions accordingly.</p> + +<p>So far as the number of the car was concerned, Daphne +and Jonah never wavered, and we were certain about +its colour and style. Moreover, we were all agreed +that, while the back seat was empty, there were two +people in front, and that the one who was not driving +was wearing a chauffeur's dress. Finally, the village +of Swete Rowley lay but some twenty-two miles from +the scene of the accident. But that was all. It was, +of course, unthinkable that the offending car could have +sustained no damage, but it was quite possible that it +would have nothing more serious to show than a dented +hub-cap and a battered wing; and, while hub-caps can +be changed in five minutes, it is no great matter to +straighten a bent wing, and any traces of battery which +still survive can be unanswerably attributed to one or +other of quite a variety of innocent mishaps.</p> + +<p>Inquiries were set afoot, and the moment we learned +that Mr. Bladder in fact possessed a large green high-powered +touring car, which he was in the habit of driving +himself at a notorious pace, we threw down the glove. +Solicitors were instructed, counsel's opinion was taken, +an information was sworn before a Justice of the Peace, +and within one week of the date of his solicitors' letter, +Mr. Douglas Bladder had become the recipient of a +writ for four hundred pounds damages and four separate +summonses under the Motor Car Acts. We were +out for blood.</p> + +<p>At Marvel's Police Court the defendant appeared by +his solicitor, who asked that the hearing of the summonses +might be adjourned, pending the action in the +High Court. This request was granted.</p> + +<p>Everything possible was done to expedite matters, +and by great good fortune the case of <i>Pleydell v. Bladder</i> +came into the Special Jury list during the last week of +July.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>There is about the High Court a signal air of gravity +which to the layman is most compelling. The majesty +of the Law is not apparent: of severity there is but a +suggestion: something, indeed, of dignity, but less +than a visitor will expect to find: something of silence. +These are but equerries, subordinate. The Lady +Paramount is Consequence.</p> + +<p>Here seem to dwell those things that signify. Here +lies that crucial junction which is at once the terminus +of Cause, and of Effect the starting-point. Here are +wise analysts, skilled to distil its meaning from the +idle word, surgeons whose cunning probes will stir its +motive from the deed, never so thoughtless. Whole +walls of law books, ranged very orderly, calf-bound, +make up a reverend pharmacopoeia, where you shall find +precepts of iron, smelted from trespasses and old-time +bickerings, whose long-dead authors, could they but +come to life, would gape and stare and scratch their +humble heads to find their modest names become so +notable.</p> + +<p>Pursed lips, brows wrinkled in thought, and restless +anxious eyes indorse the serious aspect of the place. +The very bustle of counsel, the scurry of clerks, the +dash of messengers, proclaim matters of moment to be +afoot. The whispered consultation, the pregnant nod, +the nervous litigant buttonholing his lawyer, his +advisers urging a certain course upon an indignant +suitor, the furtive fellowship of witnesses, the solemn +tipstaves, the ushers commanding silence, and the still +small voice of Justice, charge all the dusty atmosphere +with such importance as ties up the ready tongues of +chatterers, ushers the jest still-born, and renders the +very self of Folly wide-eyed and breathless.</p> + +<p>Punctually at half-past ten his lordship entered the +Court, returned the bows of counsel, and took his seat +upon the Bench. With a sharp jingle the usher drew +the green curtains across the door which led into the +Judges' corridor, descended into the well of the Court, +and looked complacently about him. Two or three +cases were mentioned, the jury was sworn, and the +Associate, after inquiring nonchalantly whether the +King's Counsel were prepared, called on the case of +<i>Pleydell against Bladder</i>, and sank back in his seat with +a look of resignation.</p> + +<p>Daphne, Jonah, and Jill were seated behind the junior +Bar, while Berry and I sat one upon either side of our +attorney at the solicitors' table. Upon the same bench, +a little further along, was sitting Mr. Bladder, a large +bland gentleman, with an air of good-nature which in +the circumstances was rather too pronounced to be +natural, and a taste in dress which would have better +become a younger and a slenderer man.</p> + +<p>Briefly our leader opened the case. There was little +to be said, and he was on his feet for less than a quarter +of an hour, but in that space of time he had presented +to the jury so vivid a word-picture of the accident, and +had dwelt so convincingly upon the facts which pointed +to the defendant's guilt, that it was actually difficult to +believe that the issue of the action was any longer in +doubt, and I began to speculate upon the amount of +damages we should be awarded. Such is the art of +pleading.</p> + +<p>A plan of the spot at which the collision had taken +place was produced and officially accepted by the defence. +Then Jonah was called. He gave his evidence +admirably, and all counsel's endeavours to shake his +confidence regarding the identity of the number-plate +were of no avail. Daphne followed her cousin. She +was a little nervous at first, and the Judge requested +her to raise her voice. She responded gallantly, and the +conviction with which she told her story in corroboration +of Jonah produced a noticeable effect upon the +Court. The result of her cross-examination was in our +favour. I came next. Counsel for the defence made a +great effort to pin me to a certain estimate of the speed +at which the offending car was moving, but I scented +danger and refused to be tied down.</p> + +<p>It was considered unnecessary and not altogether +expedient to expose our artless Jill to the mercies of our +opponent's team, and, when I stepped down from the +box, my brother-in-law's name was at once called by our +junior counsel—</p> + +<p>"Major Pleydell."</p> + +<p>His examination-in-chief was very short. As was to +be expected, he made an excellent witness. I began +to wonder whether the defendant would be so foolish as +to appeal....</p> + +<p>Perhaps because the cross-examination of his predecessors +had been so barren, the leader for the defence +rose to deal with Berry with a menacing air. He was +a "silk," whose obvious confidence in his ability was +shared by few. Influence rather than merit had, I was +told, won his admission to the Inner Bar, and the supercilious +manner which he continually observed towards +the Bench afforded a first-class exhibition of particularly +bad form.</p> + +<p>"This mysterious car," he began, "that we've all +heard so much about—you say it was green?"</p> + +<p>"I do," said Berry.</p> + +<p>"What sort of green?"</p> + +<p>"A bilious green."</p> + +<p>There was a subdued titter, and one of the jurymen +made no attempt to disguise his amusement. The +frown upon counsel's face deepened.</p> + +<p>"Was it a light or dark green, sir?"</p> + +<p>"Light."</p> + +<p>"Might it have been grey?"</p> + +<p>"It might. It might have been a beautiful ruby +pink. But it wasn't. It was just green."</p> + +<p>A second titter, more pronounced than before, ran +round the Court, and counsel flushed angrily.</p> + +<p>"You have sworn that it was an open car?"</p> + +<p>"So it was."</p> + +<p>"And that there were two passengers?"</p> + +<p>"So there were."</p> + +<p>"And that the one who was not driving was wearing +a chauffeur's uniform?"</p> + +<p>"So he was."</p> + +<p>"Listen. You saw its colour, you noticed its style, +you swear to the number of passengers, and were actually +able to observe how one of them was clad. How is +it that you cannot speak to its number?"</p> + +<p>"I will tell you. I was sitting——"</p> + +<p>"On your oath, sir!"</p> + +<p>"No, on the back seat." There was more than a +ripple of laughter, and the Judge shot a quick glance +at counsel before removing his <i>pince-nez</i> and sitting back +in his chair. "The heads and shoulders of Mrs. Pleydell +and Captain Mansel, who were seated in front, obscured +my view."</p> + +<p>"Wasn't it because the car was travelling too fast?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly not. They saw it."</p> + +<p>"That is a matter of opinion."</p> + +<p>"It is a matter of fact," was the retort.</p> + +<p>"It is easy to be rude, Major Pleydell."</p> + +<p>"I'll take your word for it."</p> + +<p>Counsel appealed to the Judge.</p> + +<p>"My lord, I must ask your lordship——"</p> + +<p>"I see no reason to interfere," was the cold reply.</p> + +<p>Counsel swallowed before proceeding. He was one +of those who cannot let ill alone.</p> + +<p>"The truth is," he announced, as if byway or conclusion, +"that your recollection of the whole matter is +extremely hazy, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>For a moment Berry regarded him. Then he leaned +back in the box and folded his arms.</p> + +<p>"You know," he said, slowly shaking his head, "you +know, you can't be well."</p> + +<p>There was a roar of laughter.</p> + +<p>"Never mind my health, sir," was the heated reply.</p> + +<p>"Oh, but I do," said Berry. "If you were to burst +or anything, I should be all upset, I should."</p> + +<p>Again the Court, which was now packed, rocked with +merriment. The tone in which counsel put his next +question reeked of the insolence of anger.</p> + +<p>"You consider your recollection clear?"</p> + +<p>"As daylight. Let me explain——"</p> + +<p>Counsel held up a deprecatory hand.</p> + +<p>"Pray spare us. There was, I believe, a lot of dust."</p> + +<p>"There was."</p> + +<p>"Any amount of it?"</p> + +<p>"Any amount. The road was thick with it."</p> + +<p>"And the air?"</p> + +<p>"Any amount of that, too. For a windless day, I +never——"</p> + +<p>"No, no, <i>no</i>! Wasn't the air thick with dust?"</p> + +<p>"After the car had gone by—yes. It swallowed up +the dog completely."</p> + +<p>"The dog?"</p> + +<p>Berry started and looked round uneasily.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps," he stammered, "I shouldn't have...."</p> + +<p>Counsel rose at the bait like a carp upon the tenth of +April.</p> + +<p>"This is most interesting. You say the dust swallowed +the dog?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, and the dog swallowed the dust. It was quite +remarkable."</p> + +<p>Amid the tempest of laughter counsel stood glowering.</p> + +<p>"What dog are you referring to?"</p> + +<p>"A Sealyham. When the car had gone by, he +jumped out into the dust it had made and ran after it."</p> + +<p>Hurriedly counsel conferred with his client.</p> + +<p>"Why didn't you mention this dog before?"</p> + +<p>"I didn't think it necessary."</p> + +<p>"Did you tell your solicitor about it?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. He didn't think it necessary, either."</p> + +<p>"Really! You know, I thought we should get at +something presently. Now, if the defendant didn't +happen to own a Sealyham, this would be rather a +valuable piece of evidence to show that it wasn't his +car, wouldn't it?"</p> + +<p>"I don't think so. You see——"</p> + +<p>"Come, come, sir. Up to now nothing has been said +of the offending car which could not be said with equal +truth of the defendant's."</p> + +<p>"I cordially agree."</p> + +<p>"Both are green, both open, both, according to your +story, bear the same number."</p> + +<p>Berry nodded.</p> + +<p>"Unquestionably," he said.</p> + +<p>"Wait. Supposing the defendant swears that he has +never had a Sealyham or any other kind of terrier?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know that I should believe him, but I +shouldn't argue it. Perhaps he doesn't like dogs."</p> + +<p>"You'd accept his statement?"</p> + +<p>"For what it was worth."</p> + +<p>"Exactly. And if he had no terrier, it's quite +obvious that the car out of which the Sealyham jumped +was not his, but somebody else's?"</p> + +<p>"Undoubtedly," said Berry. "As a matter of fact, +it was ours."</p> + +<p>The explosion of mirth which this statement provoked +showed that his headlong progress towards the pit which +he had digged had been gleefully followed by nearly +everybody in Court, and counsel turned very pale.</p> + +<p>"Have you ever discussed this case with any one?"</p> + +<p>"I have."</p> + +<p>"Who with?"</p> + +<p>Berry took a deep breath.</p> + +<p>"Well, I haven't seen my dentist lately, but I think +everybody else I know has had it."</p> + +<p>"Have you discussed it with the other witnesses?"</p> + +<p>"Ad nauseam."</p> + +<p>"Have you indeed? Perhaps that explains why you +all tell the same tale?"</p> + +<p>"That," said Berry coolly, "is an infamous suggestion."</p> + +<p>Somebody gave an audible gasp, and there was a +breathless silence. Sitting back in his padded chair, +the Judge might have been a graven image.</p> + +<p>"Sir?" thundered counsel interrogatively.</p> + +<p>"And one beneath the dignity of even a stuff gown."</p> + +<p>For a long moment the two men looked one another +full in the eyes. Then counsel sat down somewhat +unsteadily....</p> + +<p>Berry was followed by an expert witness, called to +substantiate our contention that two hundred pounds +was a fair charge for the execution of such repairs to +the Rolls as the accident had necessitated, and that +another two hundred for the hire of a similar car for the +month during which our own was in dock, was not +excessive.</p> + +<p>As he stepped down from the box—</p> + +<p>"That, my lord," said our leader, "is the case for +the plaintiff."</p> + +<p>It was a quarter to one when Berry's antagonist +rose again to his feet. Shortly he opened his case. +Nothing, he said, was more difficult to prove than a +negative. But for one thing, it might have gone hard +with an innocent man. Everything looked very black, +but, as luck would have it, most fortunately for himself, +Mr. Bladder could prove incontestably that upon the +twenty-second of May his car never left its garage, for +the very good reason that its engine was down. "I shall +call the defendant, and I shall call before you his +chauffeur. Both will tell you in detail that the dismantling +of the engine was commenced at ten in the +morning, and that by half-past twelve—a few minutes +before the actual time of the accident—the operation +was completed." That the plaintiff had suffered an +injury he did not attempt to deny. As a fellow-motorist, +he had Mr. Bladder's whole-hearted sympathy. His +annoyance was justified, but he could not expect Mr. +Bladder to pay the penalty for somebody else's misdeeds. +He had no doubt that the witnesses honestly believed +that they had correctly memorized the letters and figures +upon the number-plate. It was his duty to satisfy the +Court that they were mistaken....</p> + +<p>As he sat down, I realized that it was not going to be +a walk-over.</p> + +<p>Mr. Douglas Bladder made a masterly witness. I +have rarely seen a more accomplished liar. His regret +was infinite. With horrified hands he deplored what +he referred to as "the shocking affair." He thundered +unsought denunciation of "the dastardly conduct of +some fugitive cur." As a motorist, he "so well understood +our feelings." But—at length and with a wealth +of detail he described how he and his chauffeur had +spent the twenty-second of May. With the exception +of an hour for lunch, they had worked on the car in the +garage from ten o'clock until five. "It seemed a +shame," concluded the witness, "to waste such a beautiful +day, but I had earmarked the twenty-second for the +job, so we went through with it."</p> + +<p>A most dangerous thing in the hands of any witness, +detail is seldom employed by the dishonest. It is not +difficult safely to embroider a lie, but it apparently +requires more thought, patience, and rehearsal than +ninety-nine rogues out of a hundred are prepared to +spend. It soon became unpleasantly clear that Mr. +Bladder was the hundredth knave, and that in return +for his labour he had a story to tell which was as excellent +an imitation of the truth as you might reasonably +expect to hear in six whole months of Sundays.</p> + +<p>I began to feel extremely uneasy.</p> + +<p>To make matters worse, he came through his cross-examination +untouched. For every question put to +him he had a good natural answer, and, when he stepped +down from the box and the Court rose at five-and-twenty +minutes past one, it was with something of a shock that +I found myself wondering whether by any possible chance +a mistake had been made, and we were pursuing an +innocent man.</p> + +<p>Berry had engaged a table at the <i>Savoy</i>, and he and +the others left immediately, for there was little time.</p> + +<p>I stayed for a moment to speak with our advisers.</p> + +<p>"It's no use disguising the fact," said counsel in a low +tone, "that we are up against it. I believe that fellow +to be a prize liar. He's too infernally suave. But he +knows his job inside out, and he's shaken our case badly. +I can't speak for the Judge, but he's impressed the +jury, and you can't get away from it. If his chauffeur +comes up to the scratch, I believe they'll stop the case." +I groaned, and he touched me on the shoulder. "You +go and get your lunch," he said.</p> + +<p>Heavily I made my way out of the building.</p> + +<p>I was waiting for the taxi to which I had signalled, +when—</p> + +<p>"I observe," said a quiet voice, "that you don't +remember me."</p> + +<p>I swung round to see a tall dark girl with grey-blue +eyes and a charming smile regarding me amusedly. But +a moment before I had passed her upon the steps, and, +as I did so, wondered what was her business with the +Supreme Court. I took off my hat. Now that I saw +her properly, her face seemed faintly familiar.</p> + +<p>"Forgive me," I said. "I was preoccupied."</p> + +<p>The smile deepened.</p> + +<p>"I defy you to say where we have met before."</p> + +<p>I continued to rack my brain feverishly, but it was +no good.</p> + +<p>"I can't concentrate," I said desperately. "I can +tell you where we shall meet again all right."</p> + +<p>"That's not the point. Try Madrigal's wedding."</p> + +<p>"Of course. You were one of her bridesmaids."</p> + +<p>"That's better. How's Nobby?"</p> + +<p>The taxi was waiting, so I opened the door.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you about him at lunch. We'll find the +others at the <i>Savoy</i>."</p> + +<p>She hesitated.</p> + +<p>"It's very good of you, but—-"</p> + +<p>"My sister," I said gravely, "would never forgive +me."</p> + +<p>The next moment we were rocketing past St +Clement Danes.</p> + +<p>"And now," said I, "what have you been doing in +the Palace of Lies? What incorruptible judge have +you corrupted with your smile? What jury have you +bewitched with your small mouth? Or are you just a +ward in Chancery?"</p> + +<p>My lady smiled.</p> + +<p>"What a pity," she said, "you can't remember my +name! However will you introduce me?"</p> + +<p>"I shall call you Miss Prision of Treason," said I, +"and chance it. And what may I say you were doing +in yonder Fool's Paradise?"</p> + +<p>"You're very bitter and terribly inquisitive," said +my companion. "Still, if you must know, I came down +to be taken to hear a case. I've got a brother at the +Bar, and the little wretch told me to meet him there, +and he'd get me in to hear a motor-car case." I started. +"Of course he never appeared, and I—my father was a +K.C., so I'm not frightened—I just walked in and sat +down in the first court I came to. It wasn't very +interesting, but there were three judges. All in red, +too. By the way, what's arson?"</p> + +<p>"Setting fire to a house. All on purpose like. But +tell me. D'you know anything about the case you +were to have heard?"</p> + +<p>"Only that the head of Paul's chambers is in it. +That's how he knew it would be interesting."</p> + +<p>"Is he in Tristram's chambers?"</p> + +<p>"How on earth did you know?"</p> + +<p>As she spoke the taxi drew up at the entrance to +the <i>Savoy</i>.</p> + +<p>"Oh, it's our precious case. That's all." I handed +her out twittering. "Didn't you know we'd had a +smash on the day of the wedding?"</p> + +<p>"I did hear something. You don't mean to say...."</p> + +<p>I paid the driver and hurried her into the hall.</p> + +<p>"If you want to be there," I said, "to see us go down, +you'll have to have a pretty quick lunch."</p> + +<p>We joined the others to find them in a state of +profound despondency. My companion was immediately +recognized by my sister and Jill, but, to my +relief, Berry and Jonah were not quite so quick in the +uptake.</p> + +<p>"Came to hear our case," I explained, "and got +swep' into the Court of Criminal Appeal."</p> + +<p>"Talk as you eat," said Berry. "Converse and +masticate simultaneously. You know. Like you used +to do before you knew me. What's Tristram got to +say?"</p> + +<p>I swallowed a piece of salmon before replying.</p> + +<p>"Frankly pessimistic," I said.</p> + +<p>Berry raised his eyes to heaven and ground his teeth. +A hard look came upon Jonah's face.</p> + +<p>"And we've got to sit there and watch that liar laugh +in his sleeve," he said bitterly.</p> + +<p>"And pay his costs as well as our own," said I. +"Jolly, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>Daphne touched me upon the arm, and I looked up +She was very pale.</p> + +<p>"D'you think it's hopeless?"</p> + +<p>"I think, darling, we're up against it. And—and +I'm terribly afraid."</p> + +<p>"I see," she whispered. "Need Jill and I go back?"</p> + +<p>"Jill needn't, but you must, dear. You're a +witness."</p> + +<p>As I spoke, I shot a glance at my cousin. The latter +was unburdening her soul to Madge Lacey, the quondam +bridesmaid, and, to judge from such fragments of +the load as reached my ears, uttering sufficient slander +regarding Mr. Douglas Bladder to maintain another +dozen actions at law.</p> + +<p>As some cold tongue was set before me—</p> + +<p>"Every thing was going so well," said Daphne miserably. +"I thought Berry was splendid."</p> + +<p>"He was," said I, sousing my brandy with soda. +"So were you, sweetheart. Nobody could have done +more. And they don't disbelieve you and Jonah. +They just think you've made a mistake."</p> + +<p>She nodded dully.</p> + +<p>"I don't blame them," she said slowly. "That +man is so terribly clever. His whole attitude——"</p> + +<p>A cry from Jill interrupted her.</p> + +<p>"Daphne! Boy! She saw the car! On the way to +the wedding. It nearly ran into her too. And Nobby +running after it."</p> + +<p>"<i>What?</i>"</p> + +<p>Four mouths—three empty and one full of tongue—framed +the interrogative simultaneously.</p> + +<p>"Mother and Dad and I," announced Miss Lacey, +bubbling, "were driving to the wedding. As we turned +out of Long Lane into the Buckler Road, a great green +car went by like a flash of lightning. Fortunately we +were on the other side, or we'd have been smashed up. +And, miles behind, there was a little white dog running +the same way. I saw him, because I was back to the +engine. Of course we were going much faster than him, +and I soon lost sight of him."</p> + +<p>Nobby!</p> + +<p>Berry was the first to recover.</p> + +<p>"Thank Heaven I dragged him in." He glanced at +his watch. "Counsel must know this at once. Come +on. Never mind the bill: we can settle later."</p> + +<p>No one who was that afternoon lunching at the <i>Savoy</i> +will ever forget our eruption from the restaurant. The +girls actually ran. Berry, Jonah, and I, pursued by +frantic waiters, thrust in their wake, taking the carpeted +steps three at a time, and generally evincing such +symptoms of nervous excitement as are seldom seen +save upon the screen of a cinematograph. Indeed, our +departure would have done credit to any stage manager, +and I firmly believe that the majority of the guests +attributed our behaviour to the ingenious brain of a +manufacturer of films.</p> + +<p>Five minutes later we panted up the steep steps into +the corridor which led to our Court. As luck would +have it, our solicitor was in the act of pushing open the +swing-doors.</p> + +<p>I caught him by the arm and breathed into his ear.</p> + +<p>"Important new evidence. Vital. We've got the +witness here."</p> + +<p>He was a man of few words.</p> + +<p>"In there," he said shortly, pointing to a consulting +room. "I'll get counsel."</p> + +<p>We trooped into the apartment and shut the door.</p> + +<p>In silence we waited for what seemed a century. +Then there were hasty steps, the door opened, and the +K.C., followed by his junior and the attorney, entered +the room.</p> + +<p>Briefly Berry related the story which Miss Lacey +could tell.</p> + +<p>"This is the lady," he concluded. "I know our +case is closed, but surely she can be called?"</p> + +<p>We hung upon the reply.</p> + +<p>"Can she speak to the number?"</p> + +<p>"No. But in corroboration——"</p> + +<p>"My dear Major Pleydell," said Tristram, "you +need no corroboration. The jury believe you. They +believe you were smashed up. They believe it was done +by a green touring car. The devil of it is, they believe +the defendant too. And so they come to the very +natural conclusion that, between the excitement of the +moment and the pace at which the car was travelling, +Mrs. Pleydell and Captain Mansel have made a mistake +-perhaps only of one figure—in the number they saw. +And, unless we can discredit that fellow's story, call +evidence to show he <i>was</i> out on that day, or something, +I'm very much afraid we shall go down. His counsel +Is certain to ask for the benefit of the doubt, and they'll +give it him."</p> + +<p>I never remember feeling so disappointed.</p> + +<p>I think we all felt the weight of his words, but our +collapse was pitiful. Lured by a treacherous hope into +the belief that we were saved, we were fallen into a +deeper Slough of Despond than before. Jill was hard +put to it to restrain her tears....</p> + +<p>Listlessly we followed our advisers into Court, and a +moment later the Judge took his seat.</p> + +<p>One or two applications, which did not concern our +case, were made. Then leading counsel for the defence +rose to his feet and called his next witness—</p> + +<p>"Walter Dale."</p> + +<p>At the sound of the name I started violently. Then, +open-mouthed and trembling with excitement, I +twisted myself round to get a glimpse of the witness as +he approached the box. Could it be possible that Fate +with fiendish irony had selected the ex-trooper whom +we had befriended to administer to our case the <i>coup +de grâce</i>? It must be a man of another name. But +Dale <i>was</i> a chauffeur....</p> + +<p>There was a stir at the back of the crowded Court. +Somebody was pushing his way forward. Somebody....</p> + +<p>It <i>was</i> Dale.</p> + +<p>The short, stockily-built figure, that I had not +seen for more than three years, stepped out of the +ruck of onlookers and took its place in the witness-box.</p> + +<p>"Take the Book in your right hand...."</p> + +<p>It was the Associate's voice. As in a dream I heard +the oath administered.</p> + +<p>"The truth.... The whole truth.... And +nothing but the truth."</p> + +<p>Dale's lips moved and he kissed the Testament.</p> + +<p>He was very pale. As he laid the Book down, our +eyes met, and he looked me full in the face. My heart +began to thump violently.</p> + +<p>"Your name is Walter Dale?" said counsel.</p> + +<p>"Yes"—in a low voice.</p> + +<p>"Speak up, please, so that his lordship and the Jury +may hear. You are a chauffeur in the employ of the +defendant?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"Do you remember the twenty-second of May?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir."</p> + +<p>"Now, I want you to tell the Court in your own +words exactly what you did that day. First of all, on +that day did your master's car leave the garage?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, it did."</p> + +<p>The Court gasped. Jurymen, counsel, officials, reporters—every +one sat up as if they had been shot. +Even the Judge started, and the defendant half rose +from his seat and, when his solicitor laid a hand on +his arm, sank back with bayed ferocity in his eyes and +a face the colour of cigar-ash.</p> + +<p>"I don't think you quite understood my question," +purred counsel. "On the twenty-second of May, the +day of the accident to the plaintiff's car, did Mr. Bladder's +car, of which you were in charge, leave the +garage?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Dale sturdily, "it did."</p> + +<p>"You understand what you're saying?" said the +Judge.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir. An' if I was to say anythin' else, I'd not +only be tellin' a lie, but I'd be doin' in the bes' friend +as ever I 'ad." He pointed to me. "The Captain +there. Little I knowed, when I took 'is money"—scornfully +he nodded at the defendant—"'oo it was we +run into that day. Twenty-five pound it was, an' +another twenty-five if we won the case."</p> + +<p>"My lord," said counsel, protesting, "I——"</p> + +<p>The Judge held up his hand and turned to the +witness.</p> + +<p>"Remember you are on your oath."</p> + +<p>"I do that, sir. It's gospel truth what I'm sayin'. +The accident 'appened exactly as you've 'eard them +tell. 'E was drivin', an' me by 'is side. Tore by 'em, +we did, an' 'it 'em an' left 'em. Sends me up to +Town for a new 'ub-cap the nex' day. Lettin' 'er +out, 'e was, to see 'ow she'd run after the over'aul. +That was the day before."</p> + +<p>He paused for lack of breath, and the Judge turned +his head slowly and peered at counsel over the rim of +his glasses.</p> + +<p>I was looking at the defendant.</p> + +<p>If any corroboration of Dale's story were needed, it +was written upon his master's face for all to see. Guilt, +fear, and beastly rage were horribly depicted. The +close-set eyes shifted frantically from side to side. The +mouth worked uncontrollably....</p> + +<p>As I looked, the fellow rose to his feet, swayed, put a +hand to his throat, and stepped uncertainly towards the +doors. The crowd parted, and he passed through....</p> + +<p>A thick voice shattered the silence.</p> + +<p>"In the circumstances your lordship will appreciate +that I can carry my case no further."</p> + +<p>With a swish of silk, counsel resumed his seat.</p> + +<p>As was to be expected, the jury delivered its verdict +without leaving the box. As the applause subsided—</p> + +<p>"I ask for judgment with costs," said Tristram.</p> + +<p>The Judge nodded.</p> + +<p>"And I direct," he said, "that the documents of the +case be impounded and be sent to the Director of Public +Prosecutions."</p> + +<p>Amid the buzz of excitement which succeeded his +words, I felt a touch on my shoulder. Our leader was +smiling.</p> + +<p>"Cast your bread upon the waters," he said. "For +you shall find it after many days."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII</h2> + +<p>HOW JONAH OBEYED HIS ORDERS, AND DAPHNE AND +KATHARINE FESTIVAL BACKED THE SAME HORSE.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">B</span>erry laid down his knife and fork and raised his +eyes to heaven.</p> + +<p>"This," he said, "is the frozen edge. I'm getting +used to the distemper which is brought me in lieu of +soup, and, although I prefer salmon cooked to raw, you +may have noticed that I consumed my portion without +a word. But this...." Contemptuously he indicated +the severed <i>tournedos</i> upon his plate. "You know, +they must have been using the lime-kiln. Nobody +could get such a withered effect with an electric cooker. +Oh, and look at our olive. Quick, before it shuts up."</p> + +<p>Jill began to shake with laughter.</p> + +<p>"I can't help it," said Daphne desperately. "I +know it's awful, but what can we do?"</p> + +<p>"There must be some cooks somewhere," said I. +"The breed isn't extinct. And they can't all be +irrevocably suited. I always thought the Cooks' +Brigade was one of the most mobile arms of domestic +service."</p> + +<p>"I've done everything," said my sister, "except +advertise. Katharine Festival put me off that. She +says she spent seven pounds on advertisements and +never got a single answer. But I've done everything +else. I've asked everybody I know, my name's on the +books of every registry office I've ever heard of, and +I've written and sent stamped addressed envelopes to +every cook whose name I've been given. Three out of +about sixty have replied, saying they were already +suited. One came here, practically said she'd come, +and then wrote to say she was frightened of the electric +cooker. And another wanted a hundred a year and a +private bathroom. It's simply hopeless."</p> + +<p>"If," said Berry, "we survive this meal, I'll write to +Jonah and tell him to bring one back with him. If he +can't raise one in Paris, he ought to be shot. And now +let's have a sweep on the savoury. I'll bet it tastes +of paraffin and looks like a pre-War divvot."</p> + +<p>"Let's try advertising," said Jill. "Katharine +mayn't have had a good one."</p> + +<p>"I agree," said I. "I'll get one out to-night. A +real snorter."</p> + +<p>In silence the traces of the course which had provoked +the outburst were removed, clean plates were set before +us, and the footman advanced with a dish of nauseous-looking +fritters.</p> + +<p>Daphne instinctively recoiled.</p> + +<p>"Hullo," said Berry. "Another gas attack?"</p> + +<p>With an effort my sister recovered herself and took +one with a shaking hand. Loyally Jill followed her +example, and, with tears running down her cheeks, +induced a glutinous slab to quit the silver, to which +it clung desperately.</p> + +<p>I declined the delicacy.</p> + +<p>With compressed lips the servant offered it to my +brother-in-law.</p> + +<p>Berry shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Mother wouldn't like me to," he said. "But I can +see it's very tasty." He turned to his wife. "What +a wonderful thing perfume is! You know, the smell of +burnt fat always makes me think of the Edgware +Road at dusk."</p> + +<p>"Hush," said I, consulting the <i>menu</i>. "<i>De mortuis.</i> +Those were banana fritters. That slimy crust enshrined +the remains of a once succulent fruit."</p> + +<p>"What?" said Berry. "Like beans in amber? +How very touching! I suppose undertakers are easier +than cooks. Never mind. It's much cheaper. I +shan't want to be reminded of food for several days +now." He looked across the table to Daphne. "After +what I've just seen, I feel I can give the savoury a miss. +Do you agree, darling? Or has the fritter acted as +an <i>apéritif</i>?"</p> + +<p>My sister addressed herself to Jill.</p> + +<p>"Don't eat it, dear. It's—it's not very nice." She +rose. "Shall we go?"</p> + +<p>Gloomily we followed her into the library, where I +opened all the windows and Berry lighted a huge cigar, +in the hope of effacing the still pungent memory of the +unsavoury sweet. Gradually it faded away....</p> + +<p>Three weeks had passed since the mistress of our +kitchen, who had reigned uninterruptedly for seven +years, had been knocked down by a taxi and sustained +a broken leg. Simple though the fracture fortunately +was, at least another nine weeks must elapse before she +could attempt to resume her duties, and we were in evil +case. Every day we became more painfully aware of +the store which we had unconsciously set by decently-cooked +food. As time went on, the physical and +mental disorder, consequent upon Mrs. Mason's accident, +became more and more pronounced. All topics +of conversation became subservient to the burning +question of filling the void occasioned by her absence. +Worst of all, dissatisfaction was rampant in the servants' +hall, and Daphne's maid had hinted broadly that, if +a cook was not shortly forthcoming, resignations would +be—an intimation which made us desperate. Moreover, +in another month we were due to leave Town and +repair to White Ladies. There, deep in the country, +with no restaurants or clubs to fall back upon, we should +be wholly at the mercy of whoever controlled the preparation +of our food, and, unless the situation improved +considerably, the prospect was far from palatable.</p> + +<p>Moodily I extinguished my cigarette and filled and +lighted a pipe in its stead. Then I remembered my +threat.</p> + +<p>Berry was writing a letter, so I extracted a sheet of +notepaper from the left-hand drawer and, taking a +pencil from my pocket, sat down on the sofa and set to +work to compose an advertisement calculated to allure +the most suspicious and <i>blasée</i> cook that ever was foaled.</p> + +<p>Jill sat labouring with her needle upon a dainty tea-cloth, +pausing now and again to hold a whispered and +one-sided conversation with Nobby, who lay at inelegant +ease supine between us. Perched upon the arm of a +deep armchair, my sister was subjecting the space +devoted by five daily papers to the announcement of +"Situations Required" to a second and more leisurely +examination.</p> + +<p>Presently she rose with a sigh and crossed to the +telephone.</p> + +<p>We knew what was coming.</p> + +<p>Every night she and Katharine Festival communicated +to one another their respective failures of the +day. More often than not, these took the simple form +of "negative information."</p> + +<p>She was connected immediately.</p> + +<p>"Hullo, that you, Katharine? ... Yes, Daphne. +Any luck? ... Not much. You know, it's simply +hopeless. What? ... 'Widow with two boys of +seven and nine'? Thank you. I'd rather ... +Exactly ... Well, I don't know. I'd give it up, +only it's so awful ... Awful."</p> + +<p>"If she doesn't believe it, ask her to dinner," said +Berry.</p> + +<p>"Shut up," said Daphne. "It's all right, Katharine. +I was speaking to Berry ... Oh, he's fed to the teeth."</p> + +<p>"I cannot congratulate you," said her husband, +"upon your choice of metaphor."</p> + +<p>My sister ignored the interruption.</p> + +<p>"Oh, rather ... His food means a lot to him, you +know."</p> + +<p>"This," said her husband, "is approaching the +obscene. I dine off tepid wash and raw fish, I am +tormented by the production of a once luscious fillet +deliberately rendered unfit for human consumption, +and I am deprived of my now ravening appetite by the +nauseating reek from the shock of whose assault I am +still trying to rally my olfactory nerves. All this I +endure with that unfailing good——"</p> + +<p>"Will you be quiet?" said his wife. "How can +I—-"</p> + +<p>"No, I won't," said Berry. "My finer feelings +are outraged. And that upon an empty stomach. +I shall write home and ask to be taken away. I +shall——"</p> + +<p>"Katharine," said Daphne, "I can't hear you +because that fool Berry is talking, but Boy's getting +out an advertisement, and we're going to ... Oh, +are you? I thought you said you'd given it up ... Another +nineteen shillings' worth? Well, here's luck, +anyway ... Yes, of course. But I daren't hope ... Good-bye." +She replaced the receiver and turned to +me. "Katharine's going to start advertising again."</p> + +<p>"Is she?" I grunted. "Well, I'll bet she doesn't +beat this. Listen.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>COOK, capable, experienced, is offered for three months +abnormal wages, every luxury and a leisurely existence: +electric cooker: constant hot water: kitchen-maid: +separate bedroom: servants' hall: late breakfast: town +and country: followers welcomed.—Mrs. Pleydell, +7, Cholmondeley Street, Mayfair: 'Phone, Mayfair +9999."</i></p> + +<p>"That's the style," said Berry. "Let me know +when it's going to appear, and I'll get a bedroom at the +Club. When you've weeded the best out of the first +hundred thousand, I'll come back and give the casting +vote."</p> + +<p>From behind, my sister put her arms about my neck +and laid her soft cheek against mine.</p> + +<p>"My dear," she murmured, "I daren't. Half the +cooks in England would leave their situations."</p> + +<p>"So much the better," said I. "All's fair in love +and war. I don't know which this is, but we'll call it +'love' and chance it. Besides," I added cunningly, +"we must knock out Katharine."</p> + +<p>The light of battle leapt into my sister's eyes. +Looking at it from her point of view, I realized that my +judgment had been ill-considered. Plainly it was not a +question of love, but of war—"and that most deadly." +She drew her arms from my neck and stood upright.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't you leave out my name and just put +'Box So-and-so'?"</p> + +<p>I shook my head.</p> + +<p>"That's so intangible. Besides, I think the telephone +number's a great wheeze." Thoughtfully she +crossed to the fireplace and lighted a cigarette. "I'll +send it to-morrow," I said.</p> + +<p>Suddenly the room was full of silvery laughter.</p> + +<p>From Berry's side at the writing-table Jill looked up +sparkling.</p> + +<p>"Listen to this," she said, holding up the letter +which my brother-in-law had just completed.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Dear Brother,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Incompetent bungler though you are, and bitter as +has been my experience of your gaucherie in the past, I +am once again about to prove whether out of the dunghill of +inefficiency which, with unconscious humour, you style +your 'mind' there can be coaxed a shred of reliability and +understanding.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>It is within your knowledge that some three weeks ago +this household was suddenly deprived of the services of its +cook. This out of a clear sky and, if we may believe the +police, in one of those uncharted purlieus which shroud +in mystery the source of the Cromwell Road. After four +lean days your gluttonous instincts led you precipitately +to withdraw to Paris, from whence, knowing your unshakable +belief in the vilest forms of profligacy, I appreciate +that lack of means must ere long enforce your return.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Therefore I write.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>For twenty-two unforgettable sultry days we have endured +the ghastly pleasantries of charwomen, better qualified to +victual the lower animals than mankind. To call the +first meal "breakfast" is sheer blasphemy: lunch is a +hollow mockery: dinner, the abomination of desolation. +I do what I can with grape-nuts and the gas-stove in the +bathroom, but the result is unhappy, and last night the +milk was too quick for me.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I therefore implore you to collect a cook in Paris without +delay. Bring it with you when you come, or, better still, +send it in advance, carriage paid. Luxury shall be +heaped upon it. Its slightest whim shall be gratified, and +it shall go to "the movies" at my expense, whenever I am +sent tickets. Can generosity go further? Wages no +object: fare paid back to Paris as soon as Mrs. Mason's +leg can carry her.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Brother, I beseech you, take immediate action. The +horror of our plight cannot be exaggerated. Do something—anything. +Misrepresent facts, corrupt honesty, suborn +the faithful, but—procure a cook.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>My maw reminds me that it is the hour of grape-nuts, +so I must go.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Berry</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>P.S.—If you can't raise one, I shouldn't come back. +Just go to some high place and quietly push yourself off. +It will be simpler and avoid a scene which would be painful +to us both.</i></p> + +<p>"That's rather worse than the advertisement," +said Daphne. "But, as Jonah is accustomed to your +Interpretation of the art of letter-writing, I suppose it +doesn't much matter."</p> + +<p>"When," said Berry, "you are making yourself +sick upon <i>tête de veau en tortue</i> and <i>crêpes Suzette</i>, I shall +remind you of those idle words."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The advertisement appeared for the first time on +Thursday morning.</p> + +<p>As I entered the dining-room at half-past nine—</p> + +<p>"It's in," said Jill. "On the front page."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Berry, "it's most arresting. Applicants +will arrive from all over the kingdom. It's +inevitable. Nothing can stop them. Old and trusted +retainers will become unsettled. The domestic upheaval +will be unparalleled."</p> + +<p>I read the advertisement through. In cold print my +handiwork certainly looked terribly alluring. Then I +laid down the paper and strolled to the window. It +had been raining, but now the sun was out, and the cool +fresh air of the June morning was sweet and winsome. +As I looked into the glistening street—</p> + +<p>"It's a bit early yet," continued Berry. "Give 'em +a chance. I should think they'll start about ten. I +wonder how far the queue will reach," he added +reflectively. "I hope the police take it past The Albert +Memorial. Then they can sit on the steps."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said I a little uneasily. "We may get +an answer or two to-morrow. I think we shall. But +cooks are few and far between."</p> + +<p>"They won't be few and they'll be anything but +far between by twelve o'clock." He tapped the provocative +paragraph with an accusing finger. "This is +a direct incitement to repair to 7, Cholmondeley Street, +or as near thereto as possible——"</p> + +<p>"I wish to goodness we hadn't put it in," said +Daphne.</p> + +<p>"It's done now," said her husband, "and we'd +better get ready. I'll turn them down in the library, +you can stand behind the what-not in the drawing-room +and fire them from there, and Boy'd better go +down the queue with some oranges and a megaphone, +and keep on saying we're suited right up to the last."</p> + +<p>In silence I turned to the sideboard. It was with +something of an effort that I helped myself to a thick +slab of bacon which was obviously but half-cooked. +From the bottom of a second dish a black and white +egg, with a pale green yoke, eyed me with a cold stare. +With a shudder I covered it up again.... After all, +we did want a cook, and if we were bombarded with +applications for the post, the probability of getting a +good one was the more certain.</p> + +<p>As I took my seat—</p> + +<p>"Is Katharine's advertisement in?" I asked.</p> + +<p>My sister nodded.</p> + +<p>"She's put her telephone number, too."</p> + +<p>"Has she? She will be mad when she sees we've +had the same idea."</p> + +<p>"Ah," said Berry. "I'd forgotten the telephone. +That's another vulnerable spot. I shouldn't wonder +if——"</p> + +<p>The sentence was never finished.</p> + +<p>The hurried stammer of the telephone bell made a +dramatic irruption, and Jill, who was in the act of +drinking, choked with excitement.</p> + +<p>In silence we listened, to be quite sure. A second +prolonged vibration left no room for doubt.</p> + +<p>"They're off," said Berry.</p> + +<p>"I—I feel quite nervous," said Daphne. "Let +Falcon answer it."</p> + +<p>But Jill was already at the door....</p> + +<p>Breathlessly we awaited her return.</p> + +<p>Nobby, apparently affected by the electricity with +which the air was charged, started to relieve his feelings +by barking stormily. The nervous outburst of reproof +which greeted his eloquence was so unexpectedly menacing +that he retired precipitately beneath the table, +his small white tail clapped incontinently between his +legs.</p> + +<p>The next moment Jill tore into the room.</p> + +<p>"It's a cook!" she cried in a tempestuous whisper. +"It's a cook! She wants to speak to Daphne. It's a +trunk call. She's rung up from Torquay."</p> + +<p>"Torquay!" I cried aghast. "Good Heavens!"</p> + +<p>"What did I say?" said Berry. My sister rose in +some trepidation. "Two hundred miles is nothing. +Have another hunk of toast. It was only made on +Sunday, so I can recommend it."</p> + +<p>Daphne hastened from the room, with Jill twittering +at her heels, and in some dudgeon I cut myself a slice of +bread.</p> + +<p>Berry turned his attention to the Sealyham.</p> + +<p>"Nobby, my lad, come here."</p> + +<p>Signifying his delight at this restoration to favour +by an unusually elaborate rotatory movement of his +tail, the terrier emerged from his cover and humbled +himself at his patron's feet. The latter picked him up +and set him upon his knee.</p> + +<p>"My lad," he said, "this is going to be a momentous +day. Cooks, meet to be bitten, are due to arrive in +myriads. Be ruthless. Spare neither the matron nor +the maid. What did Mr. Henry say in 1415?—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +This day is call'd the feast of Sealyham:<br /> +She that outlives this day, and comes safe home,<br /> +Will sit with caution when this day is named.<br /> +And shudder at the name of Sealyham.<br /> +She that shall live this day, and see old age,<br /> +Will yearly on the razzle feast her neighbours,<br /> +And say, 'To-morrow is Saint Sealyham':<br /> +Then will she strip her hose and show her scars,<br /> +And say, 'These wounds I had on Nobby's day.'<br /> +Old cooks forget; yet all shall be forgot,<br /> +But she'll remember with a flood of talk<br /> +What feats you did that day."<br /> +</p> + +<p>Nobby licked his face enthusiastically.</p> + +<p>Then came a swift rush across the hall, and Daphne +and Jill pelted into the room.</p> + +<p>"She's coming up for an interview to-morrow," +panted the latter. "Six years in her last place, but +the people are going abroad. If we engage her, she can +come on Monday. Sixty pounds a year."</p> + +<p>Daphne was beaming.</p> + +<p>"I must say I liked the sound of her. Very respectful +she seemed. Her name's rather unusual, but that +isn't her fault. Pauline Roper. I fancy she's by way +of being an expert. She's got a certificate from some +institute of cookery, and her sister's a trained nurse in +Welbeck Street. That's why she wants to be in +London. What's the return fare from Torquay?" +she added. "I said I'd pay it, if I took up her reference."</p> + +<p>"Oh, something under five pounds," said Berry.</p> + +<p>"What!"</p> + +<p>"My dear," said her husband, "if the expenditure +of that sum were to ensure me a breakfast the very sight +of which did not make my gorge rise, I should regard it +as a trustee investment."</p> + +<p>Reference to a time-table showed that the price of +Pauline Roper's ticket would be two pounds nine +shillings and fourpence halfpenny.</p> + +<p>Somewhat to our surprise and greatly to our relief, +the day passed without another application for the +post of cook, personal or otherwise.</p> + +<p>To celebrate the solitary but promising response to +our S.O.S. signal, and the prospect which it afforded of +an early deliverance from our state, we dined at the +<i>Berkeley</i> and went to the play.</p> + +<p>On returning home we found a telegram in the hall. +It had been handed in at Paris, and ran as follows:</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Cook called Camille François leaving for Cholmondeley +Street to-morrow aaa can speak no English so must be +met at Dover aaa boat due 4.15 aaa Jonah.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The train roared through Ashford, and Berry looked +at his watch. Then he sighed profoundly and began to +commune with himself in a low tone.</p> + +<p>"<i>Mille pardons, madame. Mais vous êtes Camille +François? Non? Quel dommage! Dix mille pardons. +Adieu.</i> ... Deuce of a lot of 'milles,' aren't there? +I wonder if there'll be many passengers. And will she +come first-class, or before the mast? You know, this +is a wild mare's chest, and that's all there is to it. We +shall insult several hundred women, miss the cook, and +probably lose Pauline into the bargain. What did I +come for?"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said Jill stoutly. "Jonah's told her +to look out for us."</p> + +<p>"I'll bet he never thought I should be fool enough +to roll up, so she won't expect me. As a matter of fact, +if he's described any one, he's probably drawn a lifelike +word-picture of Daphne."</p> + +<p>"It's no good worrying," said I. "The only thing +to do is to address every woman who looks in the least +like a cook as she steps off the gangway. When we do +strike her, Jill can carry on."</p> + +<p>"It's all very well," said Berry, "but what does a +cook look like, or look least like, or least look like? +I suppose you know what you mean." Jill began to +shake with laughter. "She'll probably be all dressed +up to give us a treat, and, for all we know, she may have +a child with her, and, if she's pretty, it's a hundred to +one some fellow will be seeing her off the boat. You +can't rule out any one. And to accost strange women +indiscriminately is simply asking for trouble. Understand +this: when I've been knocked down twice, you +can count me out."</p> + +<p>This was too much for Jill, who made no further efforts +to restrain her merriment. Fixing her with a sorrowful +look, my brother-in-law sank back in his corner with a +resigned air.</p> + +<p>Jonah's telegram had certainly complicated matters.</p> + +<p>We had received it too late to prevent the dispatch +of the cook whose services he had apparently enlisted. +After a prolonged discussion we had decided that, while +Daphne must stay and interview Pauline Roper, the +rest of us had better proceed to Dover with the object +of meeting the boat. It was obvious that Jill must go +to deal with the immigrant when the latter had been +identified, but she could not be expected to effect the +identification. I was unanimously chosen for this +responsible task, but I refused point-blank to make the +attempt single-handed. I argued with reason that +it was more than one man could do, and that the +performance of what was, after all, a highly delicate +operation must be shared by Berry. After a titanic +struggle the latter gave in, with the result that Jill and +he and I had left London by the eleven o'clock train. +This was due to arrive at Dover at two minutes to one, +so that we should have time for lunch and to spare before +the boat came in.</p> + +<p>But that was not all.</p> + +<p>The coming of Jonah's <i>protégée</i> made it impossible +for my sister to engage Pauline Roper out of hand. +Of course the latter might prove impossible, which, +in a way, would simplify the position. If, as was more +probable, she seemed desirable, the only thing to do was +to pay her fare and promise to let her know within +twenty-four hours whether we would engage her or not. +That would give us time to discover whether Camille +François was the more promising of the two.</p> + +<p>Whatever happened, it was painfully clear that our +engagement of a cook was going to prove one of the +most costly adventures of its kind upon which we had +ever embarked.</p> + +<p>The train steamed into Dover one minute before its +scheduled time, and we immediately repaired to the +Lord Warden Hotel.</p> + +<p>Lunch was followed by a comfortable half-hour in the +lounge, after which we decided to take the air until the +arrival of the packet.</p> + +<p>Perhaps the most famous of the gates of England, +Dover has always worn a warlike mien. Less formidable +than renowned Gibraltar, there is a look of grim +efficiency about her heights, an air of masked authority +about the windy galleries hung in her cold grey chalk, +something of Roman competence about the proud old +gatehouse on the Castle Hill. Never in mufti, never in +gaudy uniform, Dover is always clad in "service" +dress. A thousand threats have made her porterage +a downright office, bluntly performed. And so those +four lean years, that whipped the smile from many an +English hundred, seem to have passed over the grizzled +Gate like the east wind, leaving it scatheless. About +herself no change was visible. As we leaned easily upon +the giant parapet of the Admiralty Pier, watching the +tireless waves dance to the <i>cappriccio</i> of wind and sun, +there was but little evidence to show that the portcullis, +recently hoist, had for four years been down. Under +the shadow of the Shakespeare Cliff the busy traffic of +impatient Peace fretted as heretofore. The bristling +sentinels were gone: no craft sang through the empty +air: no desperate call for labour wearied tired eyes, +clawed at strained nerves, hastened the scurrying feet: +no longer from across the Straits came flickering the +ceaseless grunt and grumble of the guns. The wondrous +tales of nets, of passages of arms, of sallies made at +dawn—mortal immortal exploits—seemed to be +chronicles of another age. The ways and means of +War, so lately paramount, were out of sight. As in the +days before, the march of Trade and caravan of Pleasure +jostled each other in the Gate's mouth. Only +the soldierly aspect of the place remained—Might in a +faded surcoat, her shabby scabbard hiding a loose +bright blade....</p> + +<p>The steamer was up to time.</p> + +<p>When four o'clock came she was well in sight, and at +fourteen minutes past the hour the rattle of the donkey-engine +came to a sudden stop, and a moment later the +gangways were thrust and hauled into their respective +positions.</p> + +<p>Berry and I stood as close to the actual points of disembarkation +as convenience and discretion allowed, +while Jill hovered excitedly in the background.</p> + +<p>As the passengers began to descend—</p> + +<p>"Now for it," said my brother-in-law, settling his +hat upon his head. "I feel extremely nervous and +more ill at ease than I can ever remember. My mind +is a seething blank, and I think my left sock-suspender +is coming down. However ... Of course, it is beginning +to be forcibly what they call 'borne in upon' +me that we ought to have brought some barbed wire and +a turnstile. As it is, we shall miss about two-thirds of +them. Here's your chance," he added, nodding at a +stout lady with a green suit-case and a defiant glare. +"I'll take the jug and bottle department."</p> + +<p>I had just time to see that the object of his irreverence +was an angular female with a brown paper parcel +and a tumbler, when my quarry gained <i>terra firma</i> +and started in the direction of the train.</p> + +<p>I raised my hat.</p> + +<p>"<i>Pardon, madame. Mais vous êtes Camille</i>——"</p> + +<p>"Reeang," was the discomfiting reply. "Par de +baggarge."</p> + +<p>I realized that an offer which I had not made had been +rejected, and that the speaker was not of French descent.</p> + +<p>The sting of the rebuff was greatly tempered by the +reception with which Berry's advances were met.</p> + +<p>I was too late to hear what he had said, but the +resentment which his attempt had provoked was +disconcertingly obvious.</p> + +<p>After fixing my brother-in-law with a freezing stare, +his addressee turned as from an offensive odour and +invested the one word she thought fit to employ with an +essence of loathing which was terrible to hear.</p> + +<p>"Disgusting!"</p> + +<p>Berry shook his head.</p> + +<p>"The right word," he said, "was 'monstrous.'"</p> + +<p>He turned to accost a quiet-looking girl wearing an +oil-silk gaberdine and very clearly born upon the +opposite side of the Channel.</p> + +<p>With a sigh, I addressed myself to a widow with a +small boy clad in a <i>pélérine</i>. To my embarrassment she +proved to be deaf, but when I had stumblingly repeated +my absurd interrogation, she denied the impeachment +with a charming smile. During our exchange of +courtesies the child stood staring at me with a finger +deep in his mouth. At their conclusion he withdrew +this and pointed it directly at my chin.</p> + +<p>"<i>Pourquoi s'est-il coupé, maman?</i>" he demanded in +a piercing treble.</p> + +<p>The question was appropriate, but unanswerable.</p> + +<p>His mother lugged him incontinently away.</p> + +<p>Berry was confronting one of the largest ladies I have +ever seen. As he began to speak, she interrupted him.</p> + +<p>"<i>Vous êtes Meestair Baxtair, n'est-ce pas? Ah, c'est +bien ça. J'avais si peur de ne pas vous trouver. Mais +maintenant je suis tranquille. Mon mari me suit. Ah, +le voilà!</i>" She turned about, the better to beckon to +a huge man with two bags and a hold-all. "<i>Pierre! +Pierre</i>!"</p> + +<p>Beneath the avalanche of good-will Berry stood +paralysed.</p> + +<p>Recognizing that something must be done, I sought +to interfere.</p> + +<p>"Leave me alone," said Berry weakly. "I've—I've +got off."</p> + +<p>It took all my energy and most of my French to +convince his <i>vis-à-vis</i> that she was mistaken.</p> + +<p>During the interlude about fifteen "possibles" +escaped us.</p> + +<p>I threw a despairing glance in Jill's direction, wiped +the sweat from my brow, and returned to the attack.</p> + +<p>After four more failures my nerve began to go. +Miserably I turned to my brother-in-law.</p> + +<p>He was in the act of addressing a smart-looking girl +in black, bearing a brand-new valise and some wilting +roses.</p> + +<p>Before she had had time to appreciate his inquiry +there was a choking yell from the gangway, and a very +dark gentleman, with an Italian cast of countenance, +thrust his explosive way on to the pier.</p> + +<p>My knowledge of his native tongue was limited to +<i>carissimo, spaghetti</i>, and one or two musical directions, +but from the vehemence of his tone and the violence +of his dramatic gestures it was plain that the +torrent which foamed from his lips was both menacing +and abusive. From the shape of the case which he was +clutching beneath his left arm, I judged him to be an +exponent of the guitar.</p> + +<p>Advancing his nose to within an inch and a half of +Berry's chin he blared and raved like a maniac, alternately +pointing to his shrinking <i>protegée</i> and indicating +the blue vault of heaven with frightful emphasis.</p> + +<p>Berry regarded him unperturbed. As he paused for +breath—</p> + +<p>"In answer to your observations," he said, "I can +only say that I am not a Mormon and have absolutely no +connection with Salt Lake City. I may add that, if +you are partial to garlic, it is a taste which I have +never acquired. In conclusion, I hope that, before you +reach the platform for which you are apparently making, +you will stumble over one of the ridiculously large +rings with which the quay is so generously provided, +and will not only suffer the most hideous agony, but +remain permanently lame as a result of your carelessness."</p> + +<p>The calm dignity with which he delivered this speech +had an almost magical effect upon the jealous Latin. +His bluster sank suddenly and died. Muttering to +himself and staring at Berry as at a wizard, he seized +the girl by the arm and started to move rapidly away, +wide-eyed and ill at ease.... With suppressed +excitement and the tail of my eye, I watched him bear +down upon one of the stumbling-blocks to which Berry +had referred. The accuracy with which he approached +it was almost uncanny. I found myself standing upon +one leg.... The screech of anguish with which he +hailed the collision, no less than the precipitancy with +which he dropped the guitar, sat down and began to +rock himself to and fro, was irresistibly gratifying.</p> + +<p>The muscles about Berry's mouth twitched.</p> + +<p>"So perish all traitors," he said. "And now I don't +know how you feel, but I've had about enough of this. +My nerves aren't what they were. Something may +snap any minute."</p> + +<p>With one accord we proceeded to rejoin Jill, who had +been witnessing our humiliations from a safe distance, +and was dabbing her grey eyes with a ridiculous handkerchief.</p> + +<p>As we came up, she started forward and pointed a +trembling finger in the direction of the boat. Berry and +I swung on our heels.</p> + +<p>Looking very well, Jonah was descending the gangway +with a bored air.</p> + +<p>My brother-in-law and I stared at him as at one risen +from the dead. Almost at once he saw us and waved +airily.... A moment later he limped to where we +were standing and kissed his sister.</p> + +<p>"I had an idea some of you'd turn up," he said +coolly.</p> + +<p>Berry turned to me.</p> + +<p>"You hear?" he said grimly. "He had an idea +some of us'd turn up. An idea ... I suppose a little +bird told him. Oh, take me away, somebody, and let +me die. Let me have one last imitation meal, and die. +Where do they sell wild oats?"</p> + +<p>Jonah disregarded the interruption.</p> + +<p>"At the last moment," he said calmly, "I felt there +might be some mix-up, so I came along too." He turned +and nodded at a nervous little man who was standing +self-consciously a few paces away and, as I now observed +for the first time, carrying my cousin's dressing-case. +"That," he added, "is Camille."</p> + +<p>His momentous announcement rendered us speechless. +At length—</p> + +<p>"You—you mean to say," I gasped, "that—that it's +a man?"</p> + +<p>Jonah shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Look at his trousers," he said.</p> + +<p>"But—but of course we expected a woman," cried +Jill in a choking voice. "We can't have a <i>chef</i>."</p> + +<p>"Nothing," said Jonah, "was said about sex."</p> + +<p>Berry spoke in a voice shaken with emotion.</p> + +<p>"A man," he said. "A he-cook, called 'Camille.' +And it actually occurred to you that 'there might be +some mix-up.' You know, your intuition is positively +supernatural. And it is for this," he added bitterly, +"that I have dissipated in ten crowded minutes a +reputation which it has taken years to amass. It is for +this that I have deliberately insulted several respectable +ladies, jeopardized the <i>Entente Cordiale</i>, and invited +personal violence of a most unpleasant character. To +do this I shall have travelled about a hundred and fifty +miles, with the shade temperature at ninety, and lost +what would have been an undoubtedly pleasant and +possibly extremely fruitful day at Sandown Park. +Don't be afraid. I wouldn't touch you for worlds. +You're being reserved for some very special form of +dissolution, you are. She-bears, or something. I +should avoid woods, any way. And now I'm going +home. To-morrow I shall start on a walking tour, with +a spare sock and some milk chocolate, and try to forget. +If that fails, I shall take the snail—I mean the veil."</p> + +<p>He turned on his heel and stalked haughtily in the +direction of the boat train.</p> + +<p>Gurgling with merriment, Jill laid a hand on my +arm.</p> + +<p>"Daphne will simply scream," she said.</p> + +<p>"If this little stunt has cost us Pauline," said I, "she +won't leave it at that."</p> + +<p>We turned to follow my brother-in-law.</p> + +<p>Jonah beckoned to Camille.</p> + +<p>"<i>Venez. Restez près de moi,</i>" he said.</p> + +<p>On arriving at Charing Cross we left Jonah and the +cook to weather the Customs, and drove straight to +Cholmondeley Street.</p> + +<p>As we entered the hall, my sister came flying out of +the library.</p> + +<p>"Hello," she cried, "where's the cook? Don't +say——"</p> + +<p>Berry uncovered.</p> + +<p>"<i>Pardon, madame,</i>" he said, "<i>mais vous êtes Camille +Franç</i>——That's your cue. Now you say 'Serwine!' +Just like that. 'Serwine!' Put all the loathing you +can into it—you'll find it can hold quite a lot—and fix +me with a glassy eye. Then I blench and break out +Into a cold sweat. Oh, it's a great game."</p> + +<p>"Poor old chap," said Daphne. "It must have been +awful. But haven't you got her?"</p> + +<p>"It's a he!" cried Jill, squeaking with excitement. +"It's a he. Jonah's bringing him——"</p> + +<p>"A <i>what</i>?" said my sister, taking a pace backward.</p> + +<p>"A male," said I. "You know. Like Nobby. +Separate legs, and shaves on Thursdays."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to say that it's a <i>chef</i>?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>My sister collapsed into a convenient chair and closed +her eyes. Presently she began to shake with laughter.</p> + +<p>"It is droll, isn't it?" said Berry. "People wouldn't +believe it. Fancy travelling a hundred and fifty miles +to molest a lot of strange women, and then finding that +for all the good you've done you might as well have spent +the day advertising for 'The Lost Chord.'"</p> + +<p>My sister pulled herself together.</p> + +<p>"Thank goodness, I had the sense to engage Pauline," +she announced. "Something told me I'd better. But +I waited before taking up her reference, on the off-chance +of this one being a marvel. Where is the wretched +man?"</p> + +<p>"Jonah fetched up with him. He's stayed behind +because of the Customs. They ought to be here any +minute."</p> + +<p>"Well, there's no place for him to sleep here," said +Daphne. "Fitch will have to look after him for tonight, +and to-morrow he'll have to go back."</p> + +<p>Berry looked at his watch.</p> + +<p>"Five past seven," he said. "As the blighter's here, +why not let him sub-edit the dinner to-night? It'll +shorten his life, but it may save ours. You never +know."</p> + +<p>My sister hesitated. Then—</p> + +<p>"He'll never do it," she said. "I can suggest it, +but, if he's anything of a cook, he'll go off the deep end +at once."</p> + +<p>"And give notice," said I. "Well, that's exactly +what we want. Then we shan't have to fire him. He +can just push off quietly to-morrow, Pauline will roll +up on Monday, and everything will be lovely in the +garden."</p> + +<p>"That's it," said Berry. "If he consents, well and +good. If he declines, so much the better. It's a +blinkin' certainty. Whichever happens, we can't +lose."</p> + +<p>"All right," said Daphne. "I shall make Jonah tell +him."</p> + +<p>It took Jonah and M. François longer to satisfy the +officers of His Majesty's Customs and Excise than we +had anticipated, and I had consumed a much-needed +whisky and soda and was on the way to the bathroom +when I heard them arrive.</p> + +<p>Before I had completed a leisurely toilet, it was all +over.</p> + +<p>As we waited in the lounge of the <i>Carlton</i> Grill for a +table, which we had been too late to reserve, my sister +related the circumstances which had led to the <i>débâcle</i>.</p> + +<p>"The wretched little man didn't seem to take to the +idea of starting in right away, but I explained that he +needn't do any more than just run his eye over the +<i>menu</i>, and that, as they were going to have the same +dinner in the servants' hall, it really only amounted to +looking after his own food.</p> + +<p>"Then I sent for Falcon, explained things, and told +him to look after the man this evening, and that I was +making arrangements for him to stay with Fitch over +the garage. Then I had Mrs. Chapel up."</p> + +<p>"That, I take it," said Berry, "is the nymph lately +responsible for the preparation of our food?"</p> + +<p>Daphne nodded.</p> + +<p>"I told her about François, and that, as he was here, +he would help her with dinner to-night. I said he was +very clever, and all that sort of thing, and that I wanted +her to show him what she was cooking, and listen to any +suggestions he had to make."</p> + +<p>"I suppose you added that he couldn't speak a word +of English," said her husband.</p> + +<p>"Be quiet," said Daphne. "Besides, he can. +Several words. Any way, she didn't seem over-pleased, +but, as Pauline's coming on Monday, that didn't worry +me. So I sent her away, and rang up Fitch and told +him he must fix the Frenchman up for the night."</p> + +<p>"Did he seem over-pleased?"</p> + +<p>"I didn't wait to hear. I just rang off quick. Then +I went up to dress. The next thing I knew was that +they'd tried to murder each other, and that Camille had +bitten William, and Nobby'd bitten Camille. I don't +suppose we shall ever know exactly what happened."</p> + +<p>So far as we had been able to gather from the butler, +who had immediately repaired to Daphne's room for +instructions, and was labouring under great excitement, +my sister's orders had been but grudgingly obeyed. +Mrs. Chapel had been ill-tempered and obstructive, and +had made no attempt to disguise her suspicion of the +<i>chef</i>. The latter had consequently determined to be as +nasty as the circumstances allowed, had eyed her preparations +for dinner with a marked contempt, and had +communed visibly and audibly with himself in a manner +which it was impossible to mistake. Finally he had +desired to taste the soup which she was cooking. Poor +as his English was, his meaning was apparent, but the +charwoman had affected an utter inability to understand +what he said. This had so much incensed the +Frenchman that the other servants had intervened and +insisted on Mrs. Chapel's compliance with his request. +With an ill grace she snatched the lid from the saucepan....</p> + +<p>Everything was now in train for a frightful explosion. +In bitterness the fuse had been laid, the charge of +passion was tamped, the detonator of spleen was in +position. Only a match was necessary....</p> + +<p>Camille François, however, preferred to employ a +torch.</p> + +<p>After allowing the fluid to cool, the Frenchman—by +this time the cynosure of sixteen vigilant eyes—introduced +a teaspoonful into his mouth....</p> + +<p>The most sanguine member of his audience was +hardly expecting him to commend the beverage. Mrs. +Chapel herself must have felt instinctively that no man +born of woman would in the circumstances renounce +such a magnificent opportunity of "getting back." +Nobody, however, was apparently prepared for so +vigorous and dramatic an appreciation of the dainty.</p> + +<p>For the space of two seconds the <i>chef</i> held it cupped +in his mouth. Then with an expression of deadly +loathing, intensified by a horrible squint, he expelled +the liquid on to the kitchen floor. Ignoring the gasp +which greeted his action, he was observed to shrug his +shoulders.</p> + +<p>"I veep my eyes," he announced, "for ze pore pig."</p> + +<p>Here the steady flood of the butler's narrative became +excusably broken into the incoherence of rapids and the +decent reticence of disappearing falls. Beyond the fact +that Mrs. Chapel had swung twice to the jaw, and that +Camille had replied with an ineffectual kick before they +were dragged screaming apart, few details of the state of +pandemonium that ensued came to our ears. I imagine +that a striking <i>tableau vivant</i> somewhat on the lines of +Meissonier's famous painting was unconsciously improvised. +That three maids hardly restrained Mrs. Chapel, +that the footman who sought to withhold Camille was +bitten for his pains by the now ravening Frenchman, +that the latter was only saved from the commission of a +still more aggravated assault by the timely arrival of +the butler, that Nobby, attracted by the uproar, contributed +to the confusion first by barking like a demoniac +and then by inflicting a punctured wound upon the calf +of the alien's leg, we learned more by inference and +deduction than by direct report. That our impending +meal would be more than usually unappetizing was +never suggested. That was surmise upon our part, +pure and simple. The conviction, however, was so +strong that the repast was cancelled out of hand.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Chapel was dismissed and straitly charged never +to return. Camille was placed in the custody of the +chauffeur and escorted to the latter's rooms above the +garage, to be returned to France upon the following +morning. Nobby was commended for his discrimination. +Jonah was reviled.</p> + +<p>All this, however, took time. The respective dismissal +and disposal of the combatants were not completed +until long past eight, and it was almost nine +before we sat down to dinner.</p> + +<p>"I think," said Daphne faintly, "I should like some +champagne."</p> + +<p>Berry ordered the wine.</p> + +<p>It was abnormally hot, and the doors that were usually +closed were set wide open.</p> + +<p>From the street faint snatches of a vibrant soprano +came knocking at our tired ears.</p> + +<p>Mechanically we listened.</p> + +<p>"<i>When you come to the end of a perfect day...."</i></p> + +<p>Berry turned to me.</p> + +<p>"They must have seen us come in," he said.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It was with a grateful heart that I telegraphed the +first thing on Saturday morning to Mrs. Hamilton +Smythe of Fair Lawns, Torquay, asking <i>pro forma,</i> +whether Pauline Roper, now in her service, was sober, +honest and generally to be recommended to be engaged +as cook.</p> + +<p>As she had been for six years with the lady, and was +only leaving because the latter was quitting England +to join her husband in Ceylon, it was improbable that +the reference would be unflattering. Moreover, Daphne +had taken to her at once. Well-mannered, quiet, +decently attired and respectful, she was obviously a long +way superior to the ordinary maid. Indeed, she had +admitted that her father, now dead, had been a clergyman, +and that she should have endeavoured to obtain a +position as governess if, as a child, she had received +anything better than the rudest education. She had, +she added, been receiving fifty pounds a year. Hesitatingly +she had inquired whether, since the employment +was only temporary, we should consider an increase of +ten pounds a year unreasonable.</p> + +<p>"Altogether," concluded my sister, "a thoroughly +nice-feeling woman. I offered her lunch, but she said +she was anxious to try and see her sister before she caught +her train back, so she didn't have any. I almost forgot +to give her her fare, poor girl. In fact, she had to +remind me. She apologized very humbly, but said the +journey to London was so terribly expensive that she +simply couldn't afford to let it stand over."</p> + +<p>We had lunched at Ranelagh, and were sitting in a +quiet corner of the pleasant grounds, taking our ease +after the alarms and excursions of the day before.</p> + +<p>Later on we made our way to the polo-ground.</p> + +<p>Almost the first person we saw was Katharine Festival.</p> + +<p>"Hurray," said Daphne. "I meant to have rung +her up last night, but what with the Camille episode +and dining out I forgot all about it. When I tell her +we're suited, she'll be green with envy."</p> + +<p>Her unsuspecting victim advanced beaming. Being +of the opposite sex, I felt sorry for her.</p> + +<p>"Daphne, my dear," she announced, "I meant to +have rung you up last night. I've got a cook."</p> + +<p>The pendulum of my emotions described the best part +of a semicircle, and I felt sorry for Daphne.</p> + +<p>"I am glad," said my sister, with an audacity which +took my breath away. "How splendid! So've we."</p> + +<p>"Hurray," said Katharine, with a sincerity which +would have deceived a diplomat. "Don't you feel +quite strange? I can hardly believe it's really happened. +Mine rejoices in the name of Pauline," she +added.</p> + +<p>I started violently, and Berry's jaw dropped.</p> + +<p>"<i>Pauline?</i>" cried Daphne and Jill.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Katharine. "It's a queer name for a +cook, but——What's the matter?"</p> + +<p>"But so's ours! Ours is Pauline! What's her +other name?"</p> + +<p>"Roper," cried Katharine breathlessly.</p> + +<p>"Not from Torquay?"—in a choking voice.</p> + +<p>Katharine nodded and put a trembling handkerchief +to her lips.</p> + +<p>"I paid her fare," she said faintly. "It came to——"</p> + +<p>"Two pounds nine and four pence halfpenny," said +my sister. "I gave her two pounds ten."</p> + +<p>"So did I," said Katharine. "She was to come on—on +Monday."</p> + +<p>"Six years in her last place?" said Daphne shakily</p> + +<p>"Yes. And a clergyman's daughter," wailed Katharine.</p> + +<p>"Did—did you take up her reference?"</p> + +<p>"Wired last night," was the reply.</p> + +<p>In silence I brought two chairs, and they sat down.</p> + +<p>"But—but," stammered Jill, "she spoke from +Torquay on Wednesday."</p> + +<p>"Did she?" said Berry. "I wonder."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Katharine. "She did."</p> + +<p>"You know she did," said Daphne and Jill.</p> + +<p>"Who," said I, "answered the telephone?"</p> + +<p>"My parlourmaid did," said Katharine.</p> + +<p>"And Jill answered ours," said I. Then I turned to +my cousin. "When you took off the receiver," I asked, +"what did you hear?"</p> + +<p>"I remember perfectly," said Jill. "Exchange +asked if we were Mayfair 9999 and then said, 'You're +through to a call-office.' Then Pauline spoke."</p> + +<p>"Precisely," said I. "But not from Torquay. In +that case Exchange would have said, 'Torquay wants +you,' or 'Exeter,' or something. Our Pauline rang up +from London. She took a risk and got away with it."</p> + +<p>"I feel dazed," said Daphne, putting a hand to her +head. "There must be some mistake. I can't +believe——"</p> + +<p>"'A thoroughly nice-feeling woman,'" said Berry. +"I think I should feel nice if I could make five pounds +in two hours by sitting on the edge of a chair and saying +I was a clergyman's daughter. And now what are we +going to do? Shall we be funny and inform the police? +Or try and stop Camille at Amiens?"</p> + +<p>"Now, don't you start," said his wife, "because I +can't bear it. Jonah, for goodness' sake, get hold of +the car, and let's go."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Berry. "And look sharp about it. +Time's getting on, and I should just hate to be late for +dinner. Or shall we be reckless and take a table at +Lockhart's?"</p> + +<p>We drove home in a state of profound melancholy.</p> + +<p>Awaiting our arrival was a "service" communication +upon a buff sheet, bluntly addressed to "Pleydell."</p> + +<p>It was the official death-warrant of an unworthy +trust.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Sir,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I beg leave to inform you that your telegram handed in +at the Grosvenor Street Post Office at 10.2 a.m. on the 26th +June addressed to Reply paid Hamilton Smythe Fair +Lawns Torquay has not been delivered for the reason +indicated below.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>ADDRESS NOT KNOWN.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I am, Sir,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Your obedient Servant,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>W.B.,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Postmaster.</i></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + +<p>HOW JILL SLEPT UNDISTURBED, AND NOBBY +ATTENDED CHURCH PARADE.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">"W</span>hat d'you do," said Berry, "when you want +to remember something?"</p> + +<p>"Change my rings," said Daphne. "Why?"</p> + +<p>"I only wondered. D'you find that infallible?"</p> + +<p>My sister nodded.</p> + +<p>"Absolutely," she said. "Of course, I don't always +remember what I've changed them for, but it shows me +there's something I've forgotten."</p> + +<p>"I see. Then you've only got to remember what +that is, and there you are. Why don't I wear +rings?"</p> + +<p>"Change your shoes instead," said I drowsily. "Or +wear your waistcoat next to your skin. Then, whenever +you want to look at your watch, you'll have to undress. +That'll make you think."</p> + +<p>"You go and change your face," said Berry. "Don't +wait for something to remember. Just go and do it by +deed-poll. And then advertise it in <i>The Times</i>. You'll +get so many letters of gratitude that you'll get tired of +answering them."</p> + +<p>Before I could reply to this insult—</p> + +<p>"I suppose," said my sister, "this means that you +can't remember something which concerns me and +really matters."</p> + +<p>In guilty silence her husband prepared a cigar for +ignition with the utmost care. At length—</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't go as far as that," he said. "But I +confess that at the back of my mind, in, as it were, the +upper reaches of my memory, there is a faint ripple of +suggestion for which I cannot satisfactorily account. +Now, isn't that beautifully put?"</p> + +<p>With a look of contempt, Daphne returned to the +digestion of a letter which she had that morning received +from the United States. Reflectively Berry struck a +match and lighted his cigar. I followed the example +of Jill and began to doze.</p> + +<p>With the exception of Jonah, who was in Somerset +with the Fairies, we had been to Goodwood. I had +driven the car both ways and was healthily tired, but +the long ride had rendered us all weary, and the prospect +of a full night and a quiet morrow was good to contemplate.</p> + +<p>On the following Tuesday we were going out of Town. +Of this we were all unfeignedly glad, for London was +growing stale. The leaves upon her trees were blown +and dingy, odd pieces of paper crept here and there into +her parks, the dust was paramount. What sultry air +there was seemed to be second-hand. Out of the +pounding traffic the pungent reek of oil and fiery metal +rose up oppressive. Paint three months old was seamed +and freckled. Look where you would, the silver sheen +of Spring was dull and tarnished, the very stones were +shabby, and in the summer sunshine even proud buildings +of the smartest streets wore but a jaded look and +lost their dignity. The vanity of bricks stood out in +bold relief unsightly, dressing the gentle argument of +Nature with such authority as set tired senses craving the +airs and graces of the countryside and mourning the +traditions of the children of men.</p> + +<p>"Adèle," said Daphne suddenly, "is sailing next +week."</p> + +<p>"Hurray," said Jill, waking up.</p> + +<p>"Liverpool or Southampton?" said I.</p> + +<p>"She doesn't say. But I told her to come to Southampton."</p> + +<p>"I expect she's got to take what she can get; only, +when you're making for Hampshire, it seems a pity to +go round by the Mersey."</p> + +<p>"I like Adèle," said Berry. "She never seeks to +withstand that feeling of respect which I inspire. When +with me, she recognizes that she is in the presence of +a holy sage, and, as it were, treading upon hallowed +ground. Woman," he added, looking sorrowfully upon +his wife, "I could wish that something of her piety were +there to lessen your corruption. Poor vulgar shrew, I +weep——"</p> + +<p>"She says something about you," said Daphne, +turning over a sheet. "Here you are. <i>Give Berry my +love. If I'd been with you at Oxford, when he got busy, +I should just have died. All the same, you must admit he's +a scream. I'm longing to see Nobby. He sounds as if +he were a dog of real character....</i>"</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said her husband, with emotion. +"Thank you very much. 'A scream,' I think you said. +Yes. And Nobby, 'a dog of character.' I can't bear it."</p> + +<p>"So he is," said I. "Exceptional character."</p> + +<p>"I admit," said Berry, "he's impartial. His worst +enemy can't deny that. His offerings at the shrine of +Gluttony are just as ample as those he lays before the +altar of Sloth."</p> + +<p>"All dogs are greedy," said Jill. "It's natural. +And you'd be tired, if you ran about like him."</p> + +<p>"He's useful and ornamental and diverting," said I. +"I don't know what more you want."</p> + +<p>"Useful?" said Berry, with a yawn. "Useful? +Oh, you mean scavenging? But then you discourage +him so. Remember that rotten fish in Brook Street the +other day? Well, he was making a nice clean job of +that, he was, when you stopped him."</p> + +<p>"That was a work of supererogation. I maintain, +however, that nobody can justly describe Nobby as a +useless dog. For instance——"</p> + +<p>The sudden opening of the door at once interrupted +and upheld my contention.</p> + +<p>Into the room bustled the Sealyham, the personification +of importance, with tail up, eyes sparkling, and +gripped in his large mouth the letters which had just +been delivered by the last post.</p> + +<p>As the outburst of feminine approval subsided—</p> + +<p>"Out of his own mouth," said I, "you stand confuted."</p> + +<p>Either of gallantry or because her welcome was the +more compelling, the terrier made straight for my sister +and pleasedly delivered his burden into her hands. Of +the three letters she selected two and then, making +much of the dog, returned a foolscap envelope to his +jaws and instructed him to bear it to Berry. Nobby +received it greedily, but it was only when he had simultaneously +spun into the air, growled and, placing an +emphatic paw upon the projecting end, torn the letter +half-way asunder, that it became evident that he was +regarding her return of the missive as a <i>douceur</i> or +reward of his diligence.</p> + +<p>With a cry my brother-in-law sprang to enlighten +him; but Nobby, hailing his action as the first move in a +game of great promise, darted out of his reach, tore +round the room at express speed, and streaked into the +hall.</p> + +<p>By dint of an immediate rush to the library door, we +were just in time to see Berry slip on the parquet and, +falling heavily, miss the terrier by what was a matter of +inches, and by the time we had helped one another +upstairs, the medley of worrying and imprecations which +emanated from Daphne's bedroom made it clear that +the quarry had gone to ground.</p> + +<p>As we drew breath in the doorway—</p> + +<p>"Get him from the other side!" yelled Berry, who +was lying flat on his face, with one arm under the bed. +"Quick! It may be unsporting, but I don't care. +A-a-ah!" His voice rose to a menacing roar, as the +rending of paper became distinctly audible. "Stop it, +you wicked swine! D'you hear? <i>Stop it!</i>"</p> + +<p>From beneath the bed a further burst of mischief +answered him....</p> + +<p>Once again feminine subtlety prevailed where the +straightforward efforts of a man were fruitless. As I +flung myself down upon the opposite side of the bed—</p> + +<p>"Nobby," said Jill in a stage whisper, "chocolates!"</p> + +<p>The terrier paused in his work of destruction. Then +he dropped the mangled remains of the letter and put +his head on one side.</p> + +<p>"Chocolates!"</p> + +<p>The next second he was scrambling towards the foot +of the bed....</p> + +<p>I gathered together the <i>débris</i> and rose to my feet.</p> + +<p>Nobby was sitting up in front of Jill, begging +irresistibly.</p> + +<p>"What a shame!" said the latter. "And I haven't +any for you. And if I had, I mightn't give you them." +She looked round appealingly. "Isn't he cute?"</p> + +<p>"Extraordinary how that word'll fetch him," said I. +"I think his late mistress must have——"</p> + +<p>"I'm sure she must," said Berry, taking the ruins of +his correspondence out of my hand. "Perhaps she +also taught him to collect stamps. And / or crests. And +do you mean to say you've got no chocolates for him? +How shameful! I'd better run round and knock up +Gunter's. Shall I slip on a coat, or will the parquet +do?"</p> + +<p>"There's no vice in him," I said shakily. "It was a +misunderstanding."</p> + +<p>With an awful look Berry gingerly withdrew from +what remained of the envelope some three-fifths of a +dilapidated dividend warrant, which looked as if it had +been immersed in water and angrily disputed by a +number of rats.</p> + +<p>"It's—it's all right," I said unsteadily. "The +company'll give you another."</p> + +<p>"Give me air," said Berry weakly. "Open the +wardrobe, somebody, and give me air. You know, this +is the violation of Belgium over again. The little angel +must have been the mascot of a double-breasted Jaeger +battalion in full blast." With a shaking finger he +indicated the cheque. "Bearing this in mind, which +would you say he was to-night—useful or ornamental?"</p> + +<p>"Neither the one, nor the other," said I. "Merely +diverting."</p> + +<p>Expectantly my brother-in-law regarded the ceiling.</p> + +<p>"I wonder what's holding it," he said. "I suppose +the whitewash has seized. And now, if you'll assist +me downstairs and apply the usual restoratives, I'll +forgive you the two pounds I owe you. There's a letter +I want to write before I retire."</p> + +<p>Half an hour later the following letter was dispatched—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>The enclosed are, as a patient scrutiny will reveal, the +remains of a dividend warrant in my favour for seventy-two +pounds five shillings.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Owing to its dilapidation, which you will observe +includes the total loss of the date, signature and stamp, I +am forced to the reluctant conclusion that your bankers will +show a marked disinclination to honour what was once a +valuable security.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Its reduction to the lamentable condition in which you +now see it is due to the barbarous treatment it received at the +teeth and claws of a dog or hound which, I regret to say, has +recently frequented this house and is indubitably possessed +of a malignant devil.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>In fairness to myself I must add, first, that it was through +no improvidence on my part that the domestic animal above +referred to obtained possession of the document, and, +secondly, that I made such desperate efforts to recover it +intact as resulted in my sustaining a fall of considerable +violence upon one of the least resilient floors I have ever +encountered. If you do not believe me, your duly accredited +representative is at liberty to inspect the many and various +contusions upon my person any day between ten and eleven +at the above address.</i></p> +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours faithfully,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>etc.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>P.S.—My cousin-german has just read this through, and +says I've left out something. I think the fat-head is being +funny, but I just mention it, in case.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>P.P.S.—It's just occurred to me that the fool means I +haven't asked you to send me another one. But you will, +won't you?</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>For no apparent reason I was suddenly awake.</p> + +<p>Invariably a sound sleeper, I lay for a moment +pondering the phenomenon. Then a low growl from +the foot of the bed furnished one explanation only to +demand another.</p> + +<p>I put up a groping hand and felt for the dangling +switch.</p> + +<p>For a moment I fumbled. Then from above my head +a deeply-shaded lamp flung a sudden restricted light +on to the bed.</p> + +<p>I raised myself on an elbow and looked at Nobby.</p> + +<p>His body was still curled, with his small strong legs +tucked out of sight, but his head was raised, and he was +listening intently.</p> + +<p>I put my head on one side and did the same....</p> + +<p>Only the hoot of a belated car faintly disturbed the +silence.</p> + +<p>I looked at my wrist-watch. This showed one minute +to one. As I raised my eyes, an impatient clock somewhere +confirmed its tale.</p> + +<p>With a yawn I conjured the terrier to go to sleep and +reached for the switch.</p> + +<p>As I did so, he growled again.</p> + +<p>With my fingers about the "push," I hesitated, +straining my ears....</p> + +<p>The next moment I was out of bed and fighting my +way into my dressing-gown, while Nobby, his black nose +clapped to the sill of the doorway, stood tense and rigid +and motionless as death.</p> + +<p>As I picked him up, he began to quiver, and I could +feel his heart thumping, but he seemed to appreciate the +necessity for silence, and licked my face noiselessly.</p> + +<p>I switched off the light and opened the door.</p> + +<p>There was a lamp burning on the landing, and I +stepped directly to the top of the stairs.</p> + +<p>Except that there was a faint light somewhere upon +the ground floor, I could see nothing, but, as I stood +peering, the sound of a stealthy movement, followed +by the low grumble of utterance, rose unmistakably to +my ears. Under my left arm Nobby stiffened notably.</p> + +<p>For a moment I stood listening and thinking furiously....</p> + +<p>It was plain that there was more than one visitor, for +burglars do not talk to themselves, and Discretion +suggested that I should seek assistance before descending. +Jonah was out of Town, the men-servants slept +in the basement, the telephone was downstairs. Only +Berry remained.</p> + +<p>The faint chink of metal meeting metal and a stifled +laugh decided me.</p> + +<p>With the utmost caution I stole to the door of my +sister's room and turned the handle. As I glided into +the chamber—</p> + +<p>"Who's that?" came in a startled whisper.</p> + +<p>Before I could answer, there was a quick rustle, a +switch clicked, and there was Daphne, propped on a +white arm, looking at me with wide eyes and parted lips. +Her beautiful dark hair was tumbling about her breast +and shoulders. Impatiently she brushed it clear of her +face.</p> + +<p>"What is it, Boy?"</p> + +<p>I laid a finger upon my lips.</p> + +<p>"There's somebody downstairs. Wake Berry."</p> + +<p>Slowly her husband rolled on to his left side and +regarded me with one eye.</p> + +<p>"What," he said, "is the meaning of this intrusion?"</p> + +<p>"Don't be a fool," I whispered. "The house is +being burgled."</p> + +<p>"Gurgled?"</p> + +<p>"Burgled, you fool."</p> + +<p>"No such word," said Berry. "What you mean is +'burglariously rifled.' And then you're wrong. Why, +there's Nobby."</p> + +<p>I could have stamped with vexation.</p> + +<p>My sister took up the cudgels.</p> + +<p>"Don't lie there," she said. "Get up and see."</p> + +<p>"What?" said her husband.</p> + +<p>"What's going on."</p> + +<p>Berry swallowed before replying. Then—</p> + +<p>"How many are there?" he demanded.</p> + +<p>"You poisonous idiot," I hissed, "I tell you——"</p> + +<p>"Naughty temper," said Berry. "I admit I'm in +the wrong but there you are. You see, it all comes of +not wearing rings. If I did, I should have remembered +that a wire came from Jonah just before dinner—it's +in my dinner-jacket—saying he was coming up late +to-night with Harry, and that if the latter couldn't get +in at the Club, he should bring him on here. He had the +decency to add 'Don't sit up.'"</p> + +<p>Daphne and I exchanged glances of withering contempt.</p> + +<p>"And where," said my sister, "is Harry going to +sleep?"</p> + +<p>Her husband settled himself contentedly.</p> + +<p>"That," he said drowsily, "is what's worrying me."</p> + +<p>"Outrageous," said Daphne. Then she turned to me. +"It's too late to do anything now. Will you go down +and explain? Perhaps he can manage in the library. +Unless Jonah likes to give up his bed."</p> + +<p>"I'll do what I can," I said, taking a cigarette from +the box by her side.</p> + +<p>"Oh, and do ask if it's true about Evelyn."</p> + +<p>"Right oh. I'll tell you as I come back."</p> + +<p>"I forbid you," murmured her husband, "to re-enter +this room."</p> + +<p>I kissed my sister, lobbed a novel on to my brother-in-law's +back, and withdrew before he had time to +retaliate. Then I stepped barefoot downstairs, to +perform my mission.</p> + +<p>With the collapse of the excitement, Nobby's suspicion +shrank into curiosity, his muscles relaxed, and he +stopped quivering. So infectious a thing is perturbation.</p> + +<p>The door of the library was ajar, and the thin strip +of light which issued was enough to guide me across +the hall. The parquet was cold to the touch, and I began +to regret that I had not returned for my slippers.</p> + +<p>As I pushed the door open—</p> + +<p>"I say, Jonah," I said, "that fool Berry——"</p> + +<p>It was with something of a shock that I found myself +looking directly along the barrel of a .45 automatic +pistol, which a stout gentleman, wearing a green mask, +white kid gloves, and immaculate evening-dress, was +pointing immediately at my nose.</p> + +<p>"There now," he purred. "I was going to say, +'Hands up.' Just like that. 'Hands up.' It's so +romantic. But I hadn't expected the dog. Suppose +you put your right hand up."</p> + +<p>I shook my head.</p> + +<p>"I want that for my cigarette," I said.</p> + +<p>For a moment we stood looking at one another. +Then my fat <i>vis-à-vis</i> began to shake with laughter.</p> + +<p>"You know," he gurgled, "this is most irregular. +It's enough to make Jack Sheppard turn in his grave. +It is really. However.... As an inveterate smoker, I +feel for you. So we'll have a compromise." He nodded +towards an armchair which stood by the window. +"You go and sit down in that extremely comfortable +armchair—sit well back—and we won't say any more +about the hands."</p> + +<p>As he spoke, he stepped forward. Nobby received +him with a venomous growl, and to my amazement the +fellow immediately caressed him.</p> + +<p>"Dogs always take to me," he added. "I'm sure I +don't know why, but it's a great help."</p> + +<p>To my mortification, the Sealyham proved to be no +exception to the rule. I could feel his tail going.</p> + +<p>As in a dream, I crossed to the chair and sat down. +As I moved, the pistol moved also.</p> + +<p>"I hate pointing this thing at you," said the late +speaker. "It's so suggestive. If you'd care to give +me your word, you know.... Between gentlemen...."</p> + +<p>"I make no promises," I snapped.</p> + +<p>The other sighed.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps you're right," he said. "Lean well back, +please.... That's better."</p> + +<p>The consummate impudence of the rogue intensified +the atmosphere of unreality, which was most distracting. +Doggedly my bewildered brain was labouring in the +midst of a litter of fiction, which had suddenly changed +into truth. The impossible had come to pass. The +cracksman of the novel had come to life, and I was +reluctantly witnessing, in comparative comfort and at +my own expense, an actual exhibition of felony enriched +with all the spices which the cupboard of Sensation +contains.</p> + +<p>The monstrous audacity of the proceedings, and the +business-like way in which they were conducted, were +almost stupefying.</p> + +<p>Most of the silver in the house, including a number of +pieces, our possession of which I had completely forgotten, +seemed to have been collected and laid in rough +order upon rugs, which had been piled one upon the +other to deaden noise. One man was taking it up, +piece by piece, scrutinizing it with an eye-glass such as +watchmakers use, and dictating descriptions and particulars +to a second, who was seated at the broad writing-table, +entering the details, in triplicate, in a large order-book. +By his side a third manipulated a pair of scales, +weighing each piece with the greatest care and reporting +the result to the second, who added the weight to the +description. Occasionally the latter paused to draw at +a cigarette, which lay smouldering in the ash-tray by +his side. As each piece was weighed, the third handed +it to a fourth assistant, who wrapped it in a bag of +green baize and laid it gently in an open suit-case. +Four other cases stood by his side, all bearing a +number of labels and more or less the worse for wear.</p> + +<p>All four men were masked and gloved, and working +with a rapidity and method which were remarkable. +With the exception of the packer, who wore a footman's +livery, they were attired in evening-dress.</p> + +<p>"We find it easier," said the master, as if interpreting +my thoughts, "to do it all on the spot. Then it's over +and done with. I do hope you're insured," he added. +"I always think it's so much more satisfactory."</p> + +<p>"Up to the hilt," said I cheerfully. "We had it all +re-valued only this year, because of the rise in silver."</p> + +<p>"Splendid!"—enthusiastically. "But I'm neglecting +you." With his left hand the rogue picked up an +ash-tray and stepped to my side. Then he backed to the +mantelpiece, whence he picked up and brought me a +handful of cigarettes, laying them on the broad arm of +my chair. "I'm afraid the box has gone," he said +regretfully. "May I mix you a drink?"</p> + +<p>I shook my head.</p> + +<p>"I've had my ration. If I'd known, I'd have saved +some. You see, I don't sit up so late, as a rule."</p> + +<p>He shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>As he did so, my own last words rang familiarly in +my ears: "I don't sit up so late" ... "Don't sit +up." ...</p> + +<p>Jonah! He and Harry were due to arrive any +moment!</p> + +<p>Hope leaped up within me, and my heart began to +beat violently. I glanced at the silver, still lying upon +the rugs. Slowly it was diminishing, and the services +of a second suit-case would soon be necessary. I calculated +that to complete the bestowal would take the best +part of an hour, and began to speculate upon the course +events would take when the travellers appeared. I +began to pray fervently that Harry would be unable to +get in at the Club....</p> + +<p>"Now, then, you three," said a reproving voice. +"I'm surprised at you."</p> + +<p>Daphne!</p> + +<p>The rogues were trained to a hair.</p> + +<p>Before she was framed in the doorway, the cold steel +of another weapon was pressing against my throat, and +the master was bowing in her direction.</p> + +<p>"Madam, I beg that you will neither move nor cry +out."</p> + +<p>My sister stood like a statue. Only the rise and fall +of her bosom showed that she was alive. Pale as death, +her eyes riveted on the speaker, who was holding his +right hand markedly behind him, her unbound hair +streaming over her shoulders, she made a beautiful and +arresting picture. A kimono of softest apricot, over +which sprawled vivid embroideries, here in the guise of +parti-coloured dragons, there in that of a wanton +butterfly, swathed her from throat to foot. From the +mouths of its gaping sleeves her shapely wrists and +hands thrust out snow-white and still as sculpture.</p> + +<p>For a moment all eyes were upon her, as she stood +motionless.... Then the man with the eye-glass +screwed it back into his eye, and resumed his dictation....</p> + +<p>The spell was broken.</p> + +<p>The packer left his work and, lifting a great chair +bodily with apparent ease, set it noiselessly by my side.</p> + +<p>The master bowed again.</p> + +<p>"I congratulate you, madam, upon your great heart. +I beg that you will join that gentleman."</p> + +<p>With a high head, My Lady Disdain swept to the spot +indicated and sank into the chair.</p> + +<p>"Please lean right back.... Thank you."</p> + +<p>The cold steel was withdrawn from my throat, and I +breathed more freely.</p> + +<p>Nobby wriggled to get to my sister, but I held him +fast.</p> + +<p>"So it was burglars," said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"Looks like it," said I.</p> + +<p>I glanced at the leader, who had taken his seat upon +the club-kerb. His right hand appeared to be resting +upon his knee.</p> + +<p>"I think," said my sister, "I'll have a cigarette." +I handed her one from the pile and lighted it from +my own. As I did so—</p> + +<p>"<i>Courage,</i>" I whispered. "<i>Jonah ne tardera pas.</i>"</p> + +<p>"I beg," said the spokesman, "that you will not +whisper together. It tends to create an atmosphere of +mistrust."</p> + +<p>My sister inclined her head with a silvery laugh.</p> + +<p>"You have a large staff," she said.</p> + +<p>"That is my way. I am not a believer in the lone +hand. But there you are. <i>Quot homines, tot sententicæ,"</i> +and with that, he spread out his hands and shrugged his +broad shoulders.</p> + +<p>Daphne raised her delicate eyebrows and blew out a +cloud of smoke.</p> + +<p>"'The fewer men,'" she quoted, "'the greater share +of—<i>plunder</i>.'"</p> + +<p>The shoulders began to shake.</p> + +<p>"<i>Touché,</i>" was the reply. "A pretty thrust, madam. +But you must read further on. 'And gentlemen in +<i>Mayfair</i> now abed Shall think themselves accursed they +were not here.' Shall we say that—er—honours are +easy?" And the old villain fairly rocked with merriment.</p> + +<p>Daphne laughed airily.</p> + +<p>"Good for you," she said. "As a matter of fact, +sitting here, several things look extremely easy."</p> + +<p>"So, on the whole, they are. Mind you, lookers-on +see the easy side. And you, madam, are a very +privileged spectator."</p> + +<p>"I have paid for my seat," flashed my sister.</p> + +<p>"Royally. Still, deadhead or not, a spectator you +are, and, as such, you see the easy side. Now, one of +the greatest dangers that can befall a thief is avarice."</p> + +<p>"I suppose you're doing this out of charity," I blurted.</p> + +<p>"Listen. Many a promising career of—er—appropriation +has come to an abrupt and sordid end, and all +because success but whetted where it should have +satisfied." He addressed my sister. "Happily for +you, you do not sleep in your pearls. Otherwise, since +you are here, I might have fallen... Who knows? +As it is, pearls, diamonds and the emerald bracelets +that came from Prague—you see, madam, I know them +all—will lie upstairs untouched. I came for silver, and +I shall take nothing else. Some day, perhaps..."</p> + +<p>The quiet sing-song of his voice faded, and only the +murmur of the ceaseless dictation remained. Then that, +too, faltered and died....</p> + +<p>For a second master and men stood motionless. Then +the former pointed to Daphne and me, and Numbers +Three and Four whipped to our side.</p> + +<p>Somebody, whistling softly, was descending the +stairs....</p> + +<p>Just as it became recognizable the air slid out of a +whistle into a song, and my unwitting brother-in-law +invested the last two lines with all the mockery of +pathos of which his inferior baritone voice was capable.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +"I'm for ever b-b-blowing b-b-bub-b-bles,<br /> +B-blinkin' b-bub-b-bles in the air."<br /> +</p> + +<p>He entered upon the last word, started ever so +slightly at his reception, and then stood extremely still.</p> + +<p>"Bubbles be blowed," he said. "B-b-burglars, +what? Shall I moisten the lips? Or would you rather +I wore a sickly smile? I should like it to be a good +photograph. You know, you can't touch me, Reggibald. +I'm in balk." His eyes wandered round the +room. "Why, there's Nobby. And what's the game? +Musical Chairs? I know a better one than that." His +eyes returned to the master. "Now, don't you look +and I'll hide in the hassock! Then, when I say +'Cuckoo,' you put down the musket and wish. Then—excuse +me."</p> + +<p>Calmly he twitched a Paisley shawl from the back of +the sofa and crossed to his wife. Tenderly he wrapped +it about her feet and knees. By the time he had finished +a third chair was awaiting him, and Numbers +Three and Four had returned to their work.</p> + +<p>"Pray sit down," drawled the master. "And lean +well back.... That's right. You know, I'm awfully +sorry you left your bed."</p> + +<p>"Don't mention it," said Berry. "I wouldn't have +missed this for any thing. How's Dartmoor looking?"</p> + +<p>The fat rogue sighed.</p> + +<p>"I have not had a holiday," he said, "for nearly two +years. And night work tells, you know. Of course +I rest during the day, but it isn't the same."</p> + +<p>"How wicked! And they call this a free country. +I should see your M.P. about it. Or wasn't he up when +you called?"</p> + +<p>The other shook his head.</p> + +<p>"As a matter of fact," he said, "he was out of Town. +George, give the gentleman a match." The packer +picked up a match-stand and set it by Berry's side. +"I'm so sorry about the chocolates. You see, I wasn't +expecting——Hullo!"</p> + +<p>At the mention of the magical word Nobby had leapt +from my unready grasp and trotted across to the fireplace. +There, to my disgust and vexation, he fixed +the master with an expectant stare, and then sat up +upon his hindquarters and begged a sweatmeat.</p> + +<p>His favourer began to heave with merriment.</p> + +<p>"What an engaging scrap!" he wheezed, taking a +chocolate from an occasional table upon which the +contents of a dessert dish had apparently been emptied. +"Here, my little apostate.... Well caught!"</p> + +<p>With an irrational rapidity the Sealyham disposed +of the first comfit he had been given for more than six +months. Then he resumed the attractive posture which +he had found so profitable. Lazily his patron continued +to respond....</p> + +<p>Resentfully I watched the procedure, endeavouring +to console myself with the reflection that in a few hours +Nature would assuredly administer to the backslider +a more terrible and appropriate correction than any +that I could devise.</p> + +<p>Would Jonah never come?</p> + +<p>I stole a glance at the clock. Five and twenty +minutes to two. And when he did come, what then? +Were he and Harry to blunder into the slough waist-high, +as we had done? Impossible. There was probably +a man outside—possibly a car, which would set them +thinking. Then, even if the brutes got away, their +game would be spoiled. It wouldn't be such a humiliating +walk-over. Oh, why had Daphne come down? +Her presence put any attempt at action out of the +question. And why....</p> + +<p>A taxi slowed for a distant corner and turned into +the street. For a moment it seemed to falter. Then its +speed was changed clumsily, and it began to grind its +way in our direction. My heart began to beat violently. +Again the speed was changed, and the rising snarl +choked to give way to a metallic murmur, which was +rapidly approaching. I could hardly breathe.... +Then the noise swelled up, hung for an instant upon the +very crest of earshot, only to sink abruptly as the cab +swept past, taking our hopes with it.</p> + +<p>Two-thirds of the silver had disappeared.</p> + +<p>Berry cleared his throat.</p> + +<p>"You know," he said, "this is an education. In +my innocence I thought that a burglar shoved his swag +in a sack and then pushed off, and did the rest in the +back parlour of a beer-house in Notting Dale. As it is, +my only wonder is that you didn't bring a brazier and +a couple of melting-pots."</p> + +<p>"Not my job," was the reply. "I'm not a receiver. +Besides, you don't think that all this beautiful silver +is to be broken up?" The horror of his uplifted hands +would have been more convincing if both of them had +been empty. "Why, in a very little while, particularly +if you travel, you will have every opportunity of buying +It back again in open market."</p> + +<p>"But how comic," said Berry. "I should think +you're a favourite at Lloyd's. D'you mind if I blow +my nose? Or would that be a <i>casus belli</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all"—urbanely. "Indeed, if you would +care to give me your word...."</p> + +<p>Berry shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Honour among thieves?" he said. "Unfortunately +I'm honest, so you must have no truck with me. +Never mind. D'you touch cards at all? Or only at +Epsom?"</p> + +<p>Beneath the green mask the mouth tightened, and I +could see that the taunt had gone home. No man likes +to be whipped before his underlings.</p> + +<p>Nobby profited by the master's silence, and had +devoured two more chocolates before Berry spoke again—this +time to me.</p> + +<p>"Gentleman seems annoyed," he remarked. "I do +hope he hasn't misconstrued anything I've said. D'you +think we ought to offer him breakfast? Of course, +five is rather a lot, but I dare say one of them is a +vegetarian, and you can pretend you don't care for +haddock. Or they may have some tripe downstairs. +You never know. And afterwards we could run them +back to Limehouse. By the way, I wonder if I ought +to tell him about the silver which-not. It's only nickel, +but I don't want to keep anything back. Oh, and +what about the dividend warrant? Of course it wants +riveting and—er—forging, and I don't think they'd +recognize it, but he could try. If I die before he goes, +ask him to leave his address; then, if he leaves anything +behind, the butler can send it on. I remember +I left a pair of bed-socks once at Chatsworth. The +Duke never sent them on, but then they were perishable. +Besides, one of them followed me as far as Leicester. +Instinct, you know. I wrote to <i>The Field</i> about it." +He paused to shift uneasily in his seat. "You know, +if I have to sustain this pose much longer, I shall get +railway spine or a hare lip or something."</p> + +<p>"Hush," said I. "What did Alfred Austin say in +1895?"</p> + +<p>"I know," said Berry. "'Comrades, leave me here +a little, while as yet 'tis early morn.' Precisely. But +then all his best work was admittedly done under the +eiderdown."</p> + +<p>The clock upon the wall was chiming the hour. Two +o'clock.</p> + +<p>Would Jonah never come?</p> + +<p>I fancy the same query renewed its hammering at +Berry's brain, for, after a moment's reflection, he turned +to the master.</p> + +<p>"I don't wish to presume upon your courtesy," he +said, "but will the executive portion of your night's +work finish when that remaining treasure has been +bestowed?"</p> + +<p>"So far as you are concerned."</p> + +<p>"Oh, another appointment! Of course, this 'summer +time' stunt gives you another hour, doesn't it? +Well, I must wish you a warmer welcome."</p> + +<p>"That were impossible," was the bland reply +"Once or twice, I must confess, I thought you a little—er, +equivocal, but let that pass. I only regret that +Mrs. Pleydell, particularly, should have been so much +inconvenienced."</p> + +<p>"Don't mention it," said Berry. "As a matter of +fact, we're all very pleased to have met you. You have +interested us more than I can say, with true chivalry +you have abstained from murder and mutilation, and +you have suffered me to blow my nose, when a less +courteous visitor would have obliged me to sniff with +desperate and painful regularity for nearly half an hour. +Can generosity go further?"</p> + +<p>The rogue upon the club-kerb began to shake with +laughter again.</p> + +<p>"You're a good loser," he crowed. "I'll give you +that. I'm quite glad you came down. Most of my +hosts I never see, and that's dull, you know, dull. +And those I do are so often—er—unsympathetic. +Yes, I shall remember to-night."</p> + +<p>"Going to change his rings," murmured Berry.</p> + +<p>"And now the highly delicate question of our +departure is, I am afraid, imminent. To avoid exciting +impertinent curiosity, you will appreciate that we must +take our leave as artlessly as possible, and that the +order of our going must be characterized by no unusual +circumstance, such, for instance, as a hue and cry. +Anything so vulgar as a scene must at all costs be +obviated. Excuse me. Blake!"</p> + +<p>Confederate Number One stepped noiselessly to his +side and listened in silence to certain instructions, +which were to us inaudible.</p> + +<p>I looked about me.</p> + +<p>The last of the silver had disappeared. The packer +was dismantling the scales as a preliminary to laying +them in the last suit-case. The clerk was fastening +together the sheets which he had detached from the +flimsy order-book. Number Three had taken a light +overcoat from a chair and was putting it on. And the +time was six minutes past two....</p> + +<p>And what of Jonah? He and Harry would probably +arrive about five minutes too late. I bit my lip savagely....</p> + +<p>Again the chief malefactor lifted up his voice.</p> + +<p>"It is my experience," he drawled, "that temerity +is born, if not of curiosity, then of ignorance. Now, if +there is one vice more than another which I deplore, it +is temerity—especially when it is displayed by a host +at two o'clock of a morning. I am therefore going to the +root of the matter. In short, I propose to satisfy your +very natural curiosity regarding our method of departure, +and, incidentally, to show you exactly what you +are up against. You see, I believe in prevention." +His utterance of the last sentences was more silky than +ever.</p> + +<p>"The constables who have passed this house since +half-past twelve will, if reasonably observant, have +noticed the carpet which, upon entering, we laid upon +the steps. A departure of guests, therefore, even at +this advanced hour, should arouse no more suspicion +than the limousine-landaulette which has now been +waiting for some nine minutes.</p> + +<p>"The lights in the hall will now be turned on, the +front door will be opened wide, and the footman will +place the suit-cases in the car, at the open door of which +he will stand, while my colleagues and I—I need hardly +say by this time unmasked—emerge at our leisure, +chatting in a most ordinary way.</p> + +<p>"I shall be the last to enter the car—I beg your +pardon. To-night I shall be the last but one"—for an +instant he halted, as if to emphasize the correction—"and +my entry will coincide with what is a favourable +opportunity for the footman to assume the cap and overcoat +which he must of necessity wear if his closing of the +front door and subsequent occupation of the seat by the +chauffeur are to excite no remark.... You see, I try +to think of everything."</p> + +<p>He paused for a moment, regarding the tips of his +fingers, as though they were ungloved. Then—</p> + +<p>"Your presence here presents no difficulty. Major +and Mrs. Pleydell will stay in this room, silent ... +and motionless ... and detaining the dog. You"—nonchalantly +he pointed an extremely ugly trench-dagger +in my direction—"will vouch with your—er—health +for their observance of these conditions. Be +good enough to stand up and place your hands behind +you."</p> + +<p>With a glance at Berry, I rose. All things considered, +there was nothing else to be done.</p> + +<p>The man whom he had addressed as "Blake" picked +up Nobby and, crossing the room, laid the terrier in +Berry's arms. Then he lashed my wrists together with +the rapidity of an expert.</p> + +<p>"Understand, I take no chances." A harsh note +had crept into the even tones. "The slightest indiscretion +will cost this gentleman extremely dear."</p> + +<p>I began to hope very much that my brother-in-law +would appreciate the advisability of doing as he had +been told.</p> + +<p>"George, my coat." The voice was as suave as ever +again. "Thank you. Is everything ready?"</p> + +<p>Berry stifled a yawn.</p> + +<p>"You don't mean to say," he exclaimed, "that +you're actually going? Dear me. Well, well.... I +don't suppose you've a card on you? No. Sorry. +I should have liked to remember you in my prayers. +Never mind. And you don't happen to know of a good +plain cook, do you? No. I thought not. Well, if +you should hear of one...."</p> + +<p>"Carry on."</p> + +<p>Blake laid a hand on my shoulder and urged me +towards the door. As I was going, I saw the master +bow.</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Pleydell," he said, "I have the honour——Dear +me! There's that ridiculous word again. Never +mind—the honour to bid <i>adieu</i> to a most brave lady."</p> + +<p>With a faint sneer my sister regarded him. Then—</p> + +<p>"<i>Au revoir,</i>" she said steadily.</p> + +<p>"So long, old bean," said Berry. "See you at Vine +Street."</p> + +<p>As I passed into the hall, the lights went up and a +cap was clapped on to my head and pulled down tight +over my eyes. Then I was thrust into a corner of the +hall, close to the front door. Immediately this was +opened, and I could hear everything happen as we had +been led to expect. Only there was a hand on my +shoulder....</p> + +<p>I heard the master coming with a jest on his lips.</p> + +<p>As he passed me, he was speaking ostensibly to one +of his comrades ... ostensibly....</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't wait up for Jonah," he said.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thanks to the fact that one of the Assistant Commissioners +of Police was an old friend of mine, we were +spared much of the tedious interrogation and well-meant, +but in the circumstances utterly futile, attentions +of the subordinate officers of the C.I.D.</p> + +<p>Admission to the house had been gained without +breaking, and there were no finger-prints. Moreover, +since our visitors had worn masks, such descriptions of +them as we could give were very inadequate. However, +statements were taken from my sister, Berry and +myself, and the spurious telegram was handed over. +The insurance company was, of course, informed of the +crime.</p> + +<p>Despite the paucity of detail, our description of the +gang and its methods aroused tremendous excitement +at Scotland Yard. The master, it appeared, was a +veritable Prince of Darkness. Save that he existed, +and was a man of large ideas and the utmost daring, to +whose charge half the great unplaced robberies of +recent years were, rightly or wrongly, laid, little or +nothing was known of his manners or personality.</p> + +<p>"I tell you," said the Assistant Commissioner, +leaning back and tilting his chair, "he's just about as +hot as they make 'em. And when we do take him, if +ever we do—and that might be to-morrow, or in ten +years' time—we might walk straight into him next +week with the stuff in his hands; you never know—well, +when we do take him, as like as not, he'll prove +to be a popular M.P., or a recognized authority on livestock +or something. You've probably seen him heaps +of times in St. James's, and, as like as not, he's a member +of your own Club. Depend upon it, the old sinner +moves in those circles which you know are above suspicion. +If somebody pinched your watch at Ascot, +you'd never look for the thief in the enclosure, would +you? Of course not. Well, I may be wrong, but I +don't think so. Meanwhile let's have some lunch."</p> + +<p>For my sister the ordeal had been severe, and for the +thirty hours following the robbery she had kept her bed. +Berry had contracted a slight cold, and I was not one +penny the worse. Jill was overcome to learn what she +had missed, and the reflection that she had mercifully +slept upstairs, while such a drama was being enacted +upon the ground floor, rendered her inconsolable. +Jonah was summoned by telegram, and came pelting +from Somerset, to be regaled with a picturesque account +of the outrage, the more purple features of which he at +first regarded as embroidery, and for some time flatly +refused to believe. As was to be expected, Nobby paid +for his treachery with an attack of biliousness, the +closing stages of which were terrible to behold. At +one time it seemed as if no constitution could survive +such an upheaval; but, although the final convulsion +left him subdued and listless, he was as right as ever +upon the following morning.</p> + +<p>The next Sunday we registered what was to be our +last attendance of Church Parade for at least three +months.</p> + +<p>By common consent we had that morning agreed +altogether to eschew the subject of crime. Ever since +it had happened we had discussed the great adventure +so unceasingly that, as Berry had remarked at breakfast, +it was more than likely that, unless we were to take +an immediate and firm line with ourselves, we should +presently get Grand Larceny on the brain, and run into +some danger of qualifying, not only for admission to +Broadmoor, but for detention in that institution till +His Majesty's pleasure should be known. For the +first hour or two which followed our resolution we either +were silent or discussed other comparatively uninteresting +matters in a preoccupied way; but gradually lack +of ventilation began to tell, and the consideration of +the robbery grew less absorbent.</p> + +<p>As we entered the Park at Stanhope Gate—</p> + +<p>"Boy, aren't you glad Adèle's coming?" said Jill.</p> + +<p>I nodded abstractedly.</p> + +<p>"Rather."</p> + +<p>"You never said so the other night."</p> + +<p>"Didn't I?"</p> + +<p>"I suppose, if she comes to Southampton, you'll go +to meet her. May I come with you?"</p> + +<p>"Good heavens, yes. Why shouldn't you?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't know. I thought, perhaps, you'd +rather...."</p> + +<p>I whistled to Nobby, whose disregard of traffic was +occasionally conducive to heart failure. As he came +cantering up—</p> + +<p>"Adèle isn't my property," I said.</p> + +<p>"I know, but...."</p> + +<p>"But what?"</p> + +<p>"I've never seen Nobby look so clean," said Jill, +with a daring irrelevance that took my breath away.</p> + +<p>"I observe," said I, "that you are growing up. +Your adolescence is at hand. You are fast emerging +from the chrysalis of girlish innocence, eager to show +yourself a pert and scheming butterfly." My cousin +regarded me with feigned bewilderment. "Yes, you've +got the baby stare all right, but you must learn to +control that little red mouth. Watch Daphne."</p> + +<p>Jill made no further endeavour to restrain the guilty +laughter which was trembling upon her lips.</p> + +<p>"I b-believe you just love her," she bubbled.</p> + +<p>I thought very rapidly. Then—</p> + +<p>"I think we all do," said I. "She's very attractive."</p> + +<p>"I mean it," said Jill.</p> + +<p>"So do I. Look at her ears. Oh, I forgot. Hides +them under her hair, doesn't she? Her eyes, then."</p> + +<p>"I observe," said Jill pompously, "that you are +sitting up and taking notice. Your adol—adol—er—what +you said, is at hand. You are emerging from +the chrysalis of ignorance——"</p> + +<p>"This is blasphemy. You wicked girl. And what +are you getting at? Matchmaking or only blackmail?"</p> + +<p>"Well, it's time you got married, isn't it? I don't +want you to, dear, but I know you've got to soon, and—and +I'd like you to be happy."</p> + +<p>There was a little catch in her voice, and I looked +down to see her eyes shining.</p> + +<p>"Little Jill," I said, "if I marry six wives, I shall +still be in love with my cousin—a little fair girl, with +great grey eyes and the prettiest ways and a heart of +the purest gold. And now shall we cry here or by The +Serpentine?"</p> + +<p>She caught at my arm, laughing.</p> + +<p>"Boy, you're very——Oh, I say! Where's +Nobby?"</p> + +<p>We had reached the Achilles Statue, and a hurried +retrospect showed me the terrier some thirty paces away, +exchanging discourtesies with an Aberdeen. The two +were walking round each other with a terrible deliberation, +and from their respective demeanours it was +transparently clear that only an immediate distraction +could avert the scandal of a distressing brawl.</p> + +<p>Regardless of my surroundings, I summoned the +Sealyham in my "parade" voice. To my relief he +started and, after a menacing look at his opponent, +presumably intended to discourage an attack in rear, +cautiously withdrew from his presence and, once out +of range, came scampering in our direction.</p> + +<p>My brother-in-law and Daphne, whom we had outdistanced, +arrived at the same time.</p> + +<p>As I was reproving the terrier—</p> + +<p>"The very people," said a familiar voice.</p> + +<p>It was the Assistant Commissioner, labouring under +excitement which he with difficulty suppressed. He +had been hurrying, and was out of breath.</p> + +<p>"I want you to cross the road and walk along by the +side of The Row," he said jerkily. "If you see anyone +you recognize, take off your hat. And, Mrs. Pleydell, +you lower your parasol."</p> + +<p>"But, my dear chap," said Berry, "they were all +masked."</p> + +<p>"Well, if you recognize a voice, or even——"</p> + +<p>"A voice? My dear fellow, we're in the open air. +Besides, what jury——"</p> + +<p>"For Heaven's sake," cried the other, "do as I ask I +I know it's a chance in a million. Think me mad, call +me a fool—anything you like ... but go."</p> + +<p>His earnestness was irresistible.</p> + +<p>I whistled to Nobby—who had seized the opportunity +of straying, apparently by accident, towards a +bull-terrier—and started to stroll in the direction of The +Row. Jill walked beside me, twittering, and a glance +over my shoulder showed me my sister and Berry a +horse's length behind. Behind them, again, came the +Assistant Commissioner.</p> + +<p>We crossed the road and entered the walk he had +mentioned.</p> + +<p>It was a beautiful day. The great sun flamed out of +a perfect sky, and there was little or no wind. With the +exception of a riding-master and two little girls The +Row was empty, but the walk was as crowded as a +comfortably filled ball-room, if you except the dancers +who are sitting out; for, while three could walk +abreast with small inconvenience either to others or +themselves, there was hardly a seat to spare.</p> + +<p>I have seen smarter parades. It was clear that many +<i>habitués</i> had already left Town, and that a number of +visitors had already arrived. But there was apparent +the same quiet air of gaiety, the same good humour +which fine feathers bring, and, truth to tell, less <i>ennui</i> +and more undisguised enjoyment than I can ever +remember.</p> + +<p>Idly I talked with Jill, not thinking what I said nor +noticing what she answered, but my heart was pounding +against my ribs, and I was glancing incessantly from +side to side in a fever of fear lest I should miss the +obvious.</p> + +<p>Now and again I threw a look over my shoulder. +Always Berry and Daphne were close behind. Fervently +I wished that they were in front.</p> + +<p>I began to walk more slowly....</p> + +<p>Suddenly I realized that I was streaming with sweat.</p> + +<p>As I felt for my handkerchief—</p> + +<p>"Look at Nobby," said Jill. "Whatever's he +doing?"</p> + +<p>I glanced at my cousin to follow the direction of her +eyes.</p> + +<p><i>Nobby was sitting up, begging, before a large elderly +gentleman who was seated, immaculately dressed, some six +paces away. He was affecting not to see the terrier, but +there was a queer frozen look about his broad smile that set +me staring. Even as I gazed he lowered his eyes and +lifting a hand from his knee, began to regard the tips of his +fingers, as though they were ungloved....</i></p> + +<p>For a second I stood spellbound.</p> + +<p>Then I took off my hat.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX</h2> + +<p>HOW ADÈLE FESTE ARRIVED, AND MR. DUNKLESBAUM +SUPPED WITH THE DEVIL.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">"T</span>here she is!" cried Jill.</p> + +<p>"Where?" said I, screwing up my eyes +and peering eagerly at the crowded taffrails.</p> + +<p>"There, Boy, there. Look, she's seen us. She's +waving."</p> + +<p>Hardly I followed the direction of my cousin's pink +index finger, which was stretched quivering towards the +promenade deck.</p> + +<p>"Is that her in blue?"</p> + +<p>But a smiling Jill was already nodding and waving +unmistakably to the tall slim figure, advances which +the latter was as surely returning with a cheerly wave +of her slight blue arm. Somewhat sheepishly I took +off my hat.</p> + +<p>Adèle Feste had arrived.</p> + +<p>More than fifteen months had elapsed since we had +reluctantly seen her into the boat-train at Euston and +wished her a safe journey to her American home. At +the time, with an uneasiness bred of experience, I had +wondered whether our friendship was to survive the +battery of time and distance, or whether it was +destined to slip into a decline and so, presently, +out of our lives, fainting and painless. Touch, however, +had been maintained by a fitful correspondence, +and constant references to Miss Feste's promised +visit to White Ladies—a consummation which we +one and all desired—were made for what they were +worth. Finally my sister sat down and issued a desperate +summons. "My dear, don't keep us waiting any +longer. Arrive in August and stay for six months. If +you don't, we shall begin to believe what we already +suspect—that we live too far away." The thrust went +home. Within a month the invitation had been +accepted, with the direct result that here were Jill and +I, at six o'clock of a pleasant August evening, standing +upon a quay at Southampton, while the Rolls waited +patiently, with Fitch at her wheel, a stone's throw away, +ready to rush our guest and ourselves over the odd +fifteen miles that lay between the port and White +Ladies.</p> + +<p>With us in the car we could take the inevitable cabin +trunk and dressing-case. Adèle's heavy baggage was +to be consigned to the care of Fitch, who would bring +it by rail the same evening to Mockery Dale, the little +wayside station which served five villages and our own +among them.</p> + +<p>Nobody from the quay was allowed to board the liner, +and none of the passengers were allowed to disembark, +until the baggage had been off-loaded. For the best +part, therefore, of an hour and a half Jill and I hovered +under the shadow of the tall ship, walking self-consciously +up and down, or standing looking up at the +promenade deck with, so far as I was concerned, an +impotently fatuous air and, occasionally, the meretricious +leer usually reserved for the photographer's +studio.</p> + +<p>At last—</p> + +<p>"If they don't let them off soon," I announced, "I +shall break down. The strain of being cordial with +somebody who's in sight, but out of earshot, is becoming +unbearable. Let's go and have a breather behind the +hutment." And I indicated an erection which looked +like a ticket-office that had been thrown together during +the Crimean War.</p> + +<p>But Jill was inexorable.</p> + +<p>"It can't be long now," she argued, "and if we go +away——There!" She seized my arm with a triumphant +clutch. "Look! They're beginning to get off."</p> + +<p>It was true. One by one the vanguard of passengers +was already straggling laden on to the high gangway. +I strained my eyes for a glimpse of the slight blue figure, +which had left the taffrail and was presumably imprisoned +in the press which could be observed welling +out of a doorway upon the main deck....</p> + +<p>A sudden and violent stress upon my left hand at once +reminded me of Nobby's existence, and suggested that +of a cat. Mechanically I held fast to the lead, at the +opposite end of which the Sealyham was choking and +labouring in a frenzied endeavour to molest a sleek +tabby, which, from the assurance of its gait, appeared +to be a <i>persona grata</i> upon the quay. The attempted +felony attracted considerable attention, which should +have been otherwise directed, with the result that a +clergyman and two ladies were within an ace of being +overrun by an enormous truckload of swaying baggage +and coarsely reviled by a sweating Hercules for their +pains. As it was, the sudden diversion of the trolley +projected several pieces of luggage on to the quay, occasioning +an embryo stampede of the bystanders and +drawing down a stern rebuke, delivered in no measured +terms, from a blue-coated official, who had not seen +what had happened, upon the heads of innocent and +guilty alike. The real offender met my accusing frown +with the disarming smile of childish innocence, and, +when I shook my head, wagged his tail unctuously. +As I picked him up and put him under my arm—</p> + +<p>"So this is Nobby," said Adèle.</p> + +<p>I uncovered and nodded.</p> + +<p>"And he had a bath this morning, so as to be all nice +and clean when Miss Feste arrived. I did, too."</p> + +<p>"How reckless!" said Adèle. "You look very +well on it."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said I, shaking hands. "And you +look glorious. Hullo! You've let your hair grow. I +am glad."</p> + +<p>"Think it's an improvement?"</p> + +<p>"If possible."</p> + +<p>The well-marked eyebrows went up, the bright brown +eyes regarded me quizzically, the faint familiar smile +hung maddeningly on the red lips.</p> + +<p>"Polite as ever," she flashed.</p> + +<p>"Put it down to the bath," said I. "Cleanliness is +next to—er—devotion."</p> + +<p>"Yes, and he's been counting the days," broke in +Jill. "He has really. Of course, we all have. But——Oh, +Adèle, I'm so glad you've come."</p> + +<p>Adèle drew my cousin's arm within her own.</p> + +<p>"So'm I," she said quietly. "And now—I did have +a dressing-case once. And a steamer-trunk.... +D'you think it's any good looking for them?"</p> + +<p>Twenty minutes later we were all three—four with +Nobby—on the front seat of the Rolls, which was nosing +its way gingerly out of the town.</p> + +<p>"I wonder if you realize," said Adèle, "what a +beautiful country you live in."</p> + +<p>At the moment we were immediately between an +unpleasantly crowded tram and a fourth-rate beerhouse.</p> + +<p>"Don't you have trams?" said I. "Or does alcohol +mean so much to you? I suppose prohibition is a bit +of a jar."</p> + +<p>"To tell you the truth, I was thinking of the Isle of +Wight. It looked so exquisite as we were coming in. +Just like a toy continent out of a giant's nursery."</p> + +<p>"Before the day is out," I prophesied, "you shall see +finer things than that."</p> + +<p>Once clear of the streets, I gave the car her head.</p> + +<p>For a while we slid past low-lying ground, verdant +and fresh and blowing, but flat and sparsely timbered, +with coppices here and there and, sometimes, elms in the +hedgerows, and, now and again, a parcel of youngster +oaks about a green—fair country enough at any time, +and at this summer sundown homely and radiant. But +there was better to come.</p> + +<p>The car fled on.</p> + +<p>Soon the ground rose sharply by leaps and bounds, +the yellow road swerving to right and left, deep tilted +meadows on one side with a screen of birches beyond, +and on the other a sloping rabble of timber, whose +foliage made up a tattered motley, humble and odd and +bastard, yet, with it all, so rich in tender tones and unexpected +feats of drapery that Adèle cried that it was a +slice of fairyland and sat with her chin on her shoulder, +till the road curled up into the depths of a broad pine-wood, +through which it cut, thin, and dead straight, and +cool, and strangely solemn. In a flash it had become +the nave of a cathedral, immense, solitary. Sombre +and straight and tall, the walls rose up to where the +swaying roof sobered the mellow sunshine and only let it +pass dim and so, sacred. The wanton breeze, caught +in the maze of tufted pinnacles, filtered its chastened +way, a pensive organist, learned to draw grave litanies +from the boughs and reverently voice the air of sanctity. +The fresh familiar scent hung for a smokeless incense, +breathing high ritual and redolent of pious mystery. +No circumstance of worship was unobserved. With +one consent birds, beasts and insects made not a sound. +The precious pall of silence lay like a phantom cloud, +unruffled. Nature was on her knees.</p> + +<p>The car fled on.</p> + +<p>Out of the priestless sanctuary, up over the crest of +the rise, into the kiss of the sunlight we sailed, and so +on to a blue-brown moor, all splashed and dappled with +the brilliant yellow of the gorse in bloom and rolling +away into the hazy distance like an untroubled sea. +So for a mile it flowed, a lazy pomp of purple, gold-flecked +and glowing. Then came soft cliffs of swelling +woodland, rising to stay its course with gentle dignity—walls +that uplifted eyes found but the dwindled edge +of a far mightier flood that stretched and tossed, a leafy +waste of billows, flaunting more living shades of green +than painters dream of, laced here and there with gold +and, once in a long while, shot with crimson, rising and +falling with Atlantic grandeur, till the eye faltered, and +the proud rich waves seemed to be breaking on the rosy +sky.</p> + +<p>And over all the sun lay dying, his crimson ebb of +life staining the firmament with splendour, his mighty +heart turning the dance of Death to a triumphant progress, +where Blood and Flame rode by with clouds for +chargers, and Earth and Sky themselves shouldered +the litter of their passing King.</p> + +<p>An exclamation of wonder broke from Adèle, and Jill +cried to me to stop.</p> + +<p>"Just for a minute, Boy, so that she can see it +properly."</p> + +<p>Obediently I slowed to a standstill. Then I backed +the great car and swung up a side track for the length +of a cricket-pitch. The few cubits thus added to our +stature extended the prospect appreciably. Besides, +it was now unnecessary to crane the neck.</p> + +<p>At last—</p> + +<p>"If you're waiting for me to say 'Go,'" said Adèle, +"I shouldn't. I'm quite ready to sit here till nightfall. +It's up to you to tear me away."</p> + +<p>I looked at Jill.</p> + +<p>"Better be getting on," I said. "The others'll be +wondering where we are."</p> + +<p>She nodded.</p> + +<p>We did not stop again till the car came to rest easily +before the great oak door, which those who built White +Ladies hung upon its tremendous hinges somewhere in +the 'forties of the sixteenth century.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"It is my duty," said Berry, "to inform you that on +Wednesday I shall not be available."</p> + +<p>"Why?" said my wife.</p> + +<p>"Because upon that day I propose to dispense justice +in my capacity of a Justice of the Peace. I shall discriminate +between neither rich nor poor. Beggars and +billionaires shall get it equally in the neck. Innocent +and guilty alike——"</p> + +<p>"That'll do," said Daphne. "What about Thursday?"</p> + +<p>"Thursday's clear. One moment, though. I had +an idea there was something on that day." For a +second he drummed on the table, clearly cudgelling +his brains. Suddenly, "I knew it," he cried. "That's +the day of the sale. You know. Merry Down. I +don't know what's the matter with my memory. I've +got some rotten news."</p> + +<p>"What?"</p> + +<p>Daphne, Jill, Jonah and I fired the question simultaneously.</p> + +<p>"A terrible fellow's after it. One Dunkelsbaum. +Origin doubtful—very. Last known address, Argentina. +Naturalized in July, 1914. Strictly neutral +during the War, but managed to net over a million out +of cotton, which he sold to the Central Powers <i>at a lower +price than Great Britain offered</i> before we tightened the +blockade. Never interned, of course. Well, he tried +to buy Merry Down by private treaty, but Sir Anthony +wouldn't sell to him. They say the sweep's crazy about +the place and that he means to have it at any price. +Jolly, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>There was a painful silence.</p> + +<p>Merry Down was the nearest estate to White Ladies, +and was almost as precious to us as our own home. For +over two centuries a Bagot had reigned uninterruptedly +over the rose-red mansion and the spreading park, the +brown water and the waving woods—a kingdom of +which we had been free since childhood. Never an +aged tree blew down but we were told of it, and now—the +greatest of them all was falling, the house of Bagot +itself.</p> + +<p>One of the old school, Sir Anthony had stood his +ground up to the last. The War had cost him dear. +His only son was killed in the first months. His only +grandson fell in the battles of the Somme. His substance, +never fat, had shrunk to a mere shadow of its +former self. The stout old heart fought the unequal +fight month after month. Stables were emptied, rooms +were shut up, thing after thing was sold. It remained +for a defaulting solicitor to administer the <i>coup de +grâce</i>....</p> + +<p>On the twelfth day of August, precisely at half-past +two, Merry Down was to be sold by auction at <i>The +Fountain Inn</i>, Brooch.</p> + +<p>Berry's news took our breath away.</p> + +<p>"D'you mean to say that this is what I fought for?" +said I. "For this brute's peaceful possession of Merry +Down?"</p> + +<p>"Apparently," said my brother-in-law. "More. +It's what Derry Bagot and his boy died for, if you +happen to be looking at it that way."</p> + +<p>"It'll break Sir Anthony's heart," said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"But I don't understand," said Adèle. "How—why +is it allowed?"</p> + +<p>"I must have notice," said Berry, "of that question."</p> + +<p>"Have you ever heard," said Jonah, "of the Society +for the Prevention of Cruelty to Alien Enemies?"</p> + +<p>Adèle shook her head.</p> + +<p>"I think you must have," said Jonah. "Some +people call it the British Nation. It's been going for +years."</p> + +<p>"That's right," said I. "And its motto is 'Charity +begins at Home.' There's really nothing more to be +said."</p> + +<p>"I could cry," announced Jill, in a voice that fully +confirmed her statement. "It's just piteous. What +would poor Derry say? Can't anything be done?"</p> + +<p>Berry shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"If half what I've heard is true, Merry Down is as +good as gone. The fellow means to have it, and he's +rich enough to buy the county itself. Short of assassination, +I don't see what anybody can do. Of course, if +you like, you can reproduce him in wax and then stick +pins into the image. But that's very old-fashioned, +and renders you liable to cremation without the option +of a fine. Besides, as a magistrate, I feel it my bounden +duty to——"</p> + +<p>"I thought witchcraft and witches were out of date," +said Adèle.</p> + +<p>"Not at all," said Berry. "Only last week we +bound one over for discussing the housing question +with a wart-hog. The animal, which, till then, had +been laying steadily, became unsettled and suspicious +and finally attacked an inoffensive Stilton with every +circumstance of barbarity."</p> + +<p>"How awful!" said Adèle. "You do see life as a +magistrate, don't you? And I suppose somebody +kissed the wart-hog, and it turned into a French count? +You know, it's a shame about you."</p> + +<p>Berry looked round.</p> + +<p>"Mocked," he said. "And at my own table. With +her small mouth crammed with food, for which I shall +be called upon to pay, she actually——"</p> + +<p>"O-o-oh!" cried Adèle. "It wasn't. Besides, you +shouldn't have asked me."</p> + +<p>"I can only say," said Berry, "that I am surprised +and pained. From the bosom of my family I, as the +head, naturally expect nothing but the foulest scurrility +and derision. But when a comparative stranger, +whom, with characteristic generosity, I have made free +of my heart, seizes a moment which should have been +devoted to the mastication of one of my peaches to +vilify her host, then indeed I feel almost unsexed—I +mean unmanned. Are my veins standing out like +cords?"</p> + +<p>"Only on your nose," said I. "All gnarled, that is."</p> + +<p>"There you are," said Berry. "The slow belly +reviles the sage. The——"</p> + +<p>Scandalized cries from Daphne and Jill interrupted +him.</p> + +<p>"You ought to be ashamed of yourself," said his +wife, pushing back her chair. "And now let's all have +coffee on the terrace. That is, unless you three want to +stay."</p> + +<p>Jonah, Berry and I shook our heads, and she took +Adèle's arm and led the way out of the room....</p> + +<p>It was a wonderful night.</p> + +<p>While Nature slept, Magic, sceptred with a wand, +sat on her throne.</p> + +<p>The sky was rich black velvet, pricked at a million +points, from every one of which issued a cold white +brilliance, just luminous enough to show its whereness, +sharp and clear-cut. No slightest breath of wind +ruffled the shadows of the sleeping trees. With one +intent, Night and the countryside had filled the cup of +silence so that it brimmed—a feat that neither cellarer +can do alone. The faint sweet scent of honeysuckle +stole on its errant way, 'such stuff as dreams are made +on,' so that the silken fabric of the air took on a tint of +daintiness so rare, fleeting, and exquisite as made your +fancy riot, conjuring mirages of smooth enchantment, +gardens that hung luxuriant beneath a languorous +moon, the plash of water and the soft sob of flutes....</p> + +<p>For a long moment all the world was fairy. Then, +with a wild scrabble of claws upon stone, a small white +shape shot from beneath my chair, took the broad +steps at a bound and vanished into the darkness. The +welter of barks and growls and grunts of expended +energy, rising a moment later from the midst of the +great lawn, suggested that a cat had retired to the convenient +shelter of the mulberry tree.</p> + +<p>The sudden eruption startled us all, and Berry dwelt +with some asperity upon the danger of distracting the +digestive organs while at work.</p> + +<p>Menacingly I demanded the terrier's immediate +return. Upon the third time of asking the uproar +ceased, and a few seconds later Nobby came padding +out of the gloom with the cheerful demeanour of the +labourer who has done well and shown himself worthy +of his hire. Wise in his generation, he had learned +that it is a hard heart which the pleasurable, if mistaken, +glow of faithful service will not disarm. Sternly +I set the miscreant upon my knee. For a moment we +eyed one another with mutual mistrust and understanding. +Then he thrust up a wet nose and licked my +face....</p> + +<p>For a minute or two there was no noise save the +occasional chink of a coffee-cup against its saucer. +Then—</p> + +<p>"Since you ask me," said Berry, "my horoscope is +of peculiar interest."</p> + +<p>"What's a horoscope?" said Jill.</p> + +<p>"A cross between a birth certificate and a conduct +sheet," said I, nodding at Berry. "His is a wonder. +You can get a copy of it for three and sixpence at +Scotland Yard."</p> + +<p>"I was born," said my brother-in-law, "when +Uranus was in conjunction, Saturn in opposition, and +the Conservatives in power. Venus was all gibbous, +the Zodiac was in its zenith, and the zenith was in +Charles's Wain, commonly called The Cart. My sign +was Oleaqua—The Man with the Watering Pot. When +I add that a thunderstorm was raging, and that my +father had bet five pounds I should be a girl, and had +decided to call me 'Hosannah,' you will appreciate +that it is no ordinary being who is addressing you. A +singularly beautiful infant, it was at once obvious that +I was born to rule. Several people said it was inevitable, +among them an organ-grinder, who was ordered +out of the grounds, to which during the excitement he +had gained access. He didn't put it that way, but he +explained at the police court that that was what he had +meant."</p> + +<p>"To whose good offices," said Jonah, "do you +ascribe your pretty ways?"</p> + +<p>"Uranus," was the airy reply. "From that deity +came also meekness, an unshakable belief in human +nature, and the fidgets."</p> + +<p>"You ought to have been called after him," said +Adèle.</p> + +<p>"My godfathers thought otherwise. In a fit of +generosity they gave me my name and a pint pot, +which the more credulous declared to be silver, but +whose hallmark persistently defied detection. Then +the fount dried up. And now let me read your hand. +Or would you rather I taught you the three-card trick?"</p> + +<p>"It's too dark," I protested. "Besides, she's going +to sing."</p> + +<p>"Who said so?" said Adèle. "I was going to +suggest that you told us a fairy tale."</p> + +<p>"A song for a tale," said I.</p> + +<p>"Done."</p> + +<p>"There was once a princess," said I, "with eyes like +brown stars and a voice like the song of a silver brook. +One day she was sitting all alone by the side of a shady +trout-stream, when she heard a bell. For a moment +she thought she was dreaming, for she was rather tired. +Then she heard it again—a clear tinkle, which seemed to +arise from the heart of the stream itself. This surprised +the princess very much, because no bells were +allowed in her father's kingdom. The old man was a +bit of an autocrat, and one morning, when he had been +rung up seven times running by subjects who wanted +quite a different number, he just passed a law prohibiting +bells, and that was that. Well, while she was +wondering what to do the bell rang again rather +angrily, and, before she knew where she was, she had +said 'Come in.'</p> + +<p>"'At last,' said a voice, and a large frog heaved +himself out of the water and sat down on a tuft of +grass on the opposite bank. 'I shan't knock next time.'</p> + +<p>"'I didn't hear you knock,' said the princess.</p> + +<p>"'I didn't,' said the frog. 'I rang. How's your +father?'</p> + +<p>"'Full of beans,' said the princess. 'And yours?'</p> + +<p>"'That's my business,' said the frog. 'Are you +married yet?'</p> + +<p>"'No such luck,' said the princess. 'And, what's +more, I never shall be.'</p> + +<p>"'Why?' said the frog. 'Half the kingdom goes +with you, doesn't it?'</p> + +<p>"'Exactly,' said the princess. 'And there's the +rub.'</p> + +<p>"'Where?' said the frog, looking round.</p> + +<p>"'Well, I'm all right,' said the princess, 'but who +wants half a one-horse kingdom that's mortgaged up +to the hilt and a bit over?'</p> + +<p>"At this the frog looked so wise that the princess +felt quite uncomfortable, and began to think he must +be a waiter at the Athenæum who had had a misunderstanding +with a witch. Suddenly—</p> + +<p>"'Which of your suitors do you like best?' said the +frog.</p> + +<p>"'Albert the Watchguard,' said the princess. 'He's +a bit of a fool, but you ought to see him dance.'</p> + +<p>"'No, I oughtn't,' said the frog. 'It would be +extremely bad for me. Listen. Tell Albert to come +down here with a sieve to-morrow morning. He may +be a bit of a fool, but, if he doesn't apply for you before +lunch, he's a congenital idiot.' And with that he took +a short run and dived into the stream.</p> + +<p>"The princess did as she was bid, and at eleven +o'clock the next morning Albert the Watchguard appeared, +complete with sieve, upon the bank of the trout-stream. +Twenty-five minutes later, with a cigarette +behind his ear and <i>a nugget of gold in each boot</i>, he made +formal application for the hand of the princess and +half the kingdom—a request which was immediately +granted.</p> + +<p>"Two days later they were married.</p> + +<p>"What Albert the Watchguard said, on learning +that his half of the kingdom did not include the territory +watered by the trout-stream, is not recorded.</p> + +<p>"If you remember, he was a bit of a fool."</p> + +<p>"Good for you, old chap," said Daphne.</p> + +<p>Jill's hand stole out of the darkness and crept into +mine.</p> + +<p>Berry turned to Adèle.</p> + +<p>"A blinking wonder," he said, "is not he? Fancy +turning out a comic cameo like that on demand. But +then for years he's been on the staff of <i>Chunks</i>. He +does the <i>Gossipy Gobbets</i> column."</p> + +<p>Adèle laughed musically.</p> + +<p>"It was very nice of him to do as I asked," she said. +"And as a bargain's a bargain...."</p> + +<p>She rose and turned to the open windows....</p> + +<p>I saw her settled at the piano, and then stole back.</p> + +<p>A moment later the strains of her beautiful mezzo-soprano +floated out into the darkness.</p> + +<p>It is doubtful whether <i>Printemps Qui Commence</i> ever +enjoyed a more exquisite setting.</p> + +<p>It was a wonderful night.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>If we had driven straight to Brooch the incident +would not have occurred.</p> + +<p>We had lunched early, for Berry and I were determined +to attend the sale of Merry Down. Sir Anthony, +who was sure to be there, would need comforting, and +we had, moreover, a feeling that we should like to see +the last of an old friend. Once the place had passed +into the power of the dog, we should try to forget. It +was Adèle's suggestion that she should accompany us. +"I'd like to see Brooch," she had said, "and I want +to get a new piece of silk for my wristwatch. Besides, +I can sit in the car while you and Berry are at the sale. +That'll save your taking the chauffeur." We agreed +readily enough.</p> + +<p>Because Adèle was with us we started in good time, +so that we could go by way of Hickory Hammer and +Three Horse Hill. That way would bring us on to the +London road at a point five miles from Brooch, and, +while the view from the hill was as fine as any in the +neighbourhood, Hickory Hammer was not only extremely +ancient, but generally accounted one of the +most picturesque villages in the whole of England.</p> + +<p>I was driving, with Nobby beside me, while Adèle +and Berry sat on the back seat. Our thoughts were +not unnaturally dwelling upon the sale, and now and +again I caught fragments of conversation which suggested +that my brother-in-law was commenting upon +the power of money and the physiognomy of Mr. +Dunkelsbaum—whose photograph had appeared in +the paper that very morning, to grace an interview—with +marked acerbity. Once in a while a ripple of +laughter from Adèle came to my ears, but for the most +part it was a grave discourse, for Berry felt very bitter, +and Adèle, whose father's father was the son of an +English squire, had taken to heart the imminent disseizure +with a rare sympathy.</p> + +<p>It was five minutes to two when we slid out of +Lullaby Coppice and on to the London road. A furlong +ahead the road swung awkwardly to the left—a bend +which the unexpected <i>débouchement</i> of a by-road +rendered a veritable pitfall for the unwary motorist. +I slowed for the turn cautiously, for I knew the place, +but I was not surprised when, on rounding the corner, +we found ourselves confronted with a state of affairs +presenting all the elements of a first-class smash.</p> + +<p>What had happened was transparently clear.</p> + +<p>Huddled between a trolley and the nearside bank, +which was rising sheer from the road, was a large red +limousine, listing heavily to port and down by the head. +Both vehicles were facing towards Brooch. Plainly the +car had sought to overtake the trolley, which was in the +act of emerging from the by-road, and pass it upon the +wrong side. The former, of course, had been travelling +too fast to stop, and the burden which the latter was +bearing had made it impossible for the other to pass +upon the right-hand side. Three sturdy oaks, new +felled, one of them full fifty swaying feet in length, all of +them girt by chains on to the trolley's back, made a +redoubtable obstruction. The chauffeur had taken the +only possible course and dashed for the narrowing +passage on the left. A second too late, the car had been +pinched between the great wain and the unyielding bank, +like a nut between the jaws of the crackers. But for +the action of the carter, who had stopped his team dead, +the car would have been crushed to flinders.</p> + +<p>The two occupants of the limousine were apparently +unhurt, for, when I first saw them, they were standing +in the middle of the road, looking anxiously in our +direction. The next moment they were signalling to +us violently, spreading out ridiculous arms, as if the tree-trunks +were not putting our passage of the road for the +present out of the question.</p> + +<p>As I brought the Rolls to a standstill, I heard a stifled +cry. The next moment Berry's voice hissed in my ear.</p> + +<p>"Talk of the devil.... Look at the cove on the +right. <i>It's Dunkelsbaum himself.</i>"</p> + +<p>A lightning glance showed me the truth of his words. +The original of the photograph over which we had pored +that morning was standing before us in all the grossness +of flesh.</p> + +<p>Almost before I had recovered from the shock, the +other—a long sallow creature with a false grin and a +cringing air—was at my elbow.</p> + +<p>"You mutht eckthcuthe me," he lisped, uncovering, +"but could you pothibly give uth a lift ath far ath +Brooch? Thith gentleman"—he indicated Mr. Dunkelsbaum—"hath +a motht important engagement there +at half-patht two, and, ath you thee, we have been +unfortunate. Tho, if you could thee your way to +accommodating uth, we thould be greatly obliged."</p> + +<p>Before I could reply—</p> + +<p>"We can get there by half-past two," said Berry, +speaking slowly and distinctly, "if—<i>if we go through +Ramilly.</i>"</p> + +<p>Now, Ramilly was a great enclosure, and could be +entered from the by-road down which the trolley had +come. <i>But it was not on the way to Brooch.</i></p> + +<p>With the greatest difficulty I repressed a start. Then +I leaned forward as if to examine the dash, but in +reality to conceal my excitement....</p> + +<p><i>Apparently guileless, my brother-in-law's protasis was +nothing less than a deliberate direction to me to postpone +Mr. Dunkelsbaum's arrival at Brooch until Merry Down +was no longer in the market.</i></p> + +<p>My heart began to beat violently....</p> + +<p>Berry was speaking again.</p> + +<p>"Wait half a minute, and we'll change over." He +turned to Adèle. "Will you sit in front with Boy?"</p> + +<p>As the change was being made, Mr. Dunkelsbaum +advanced.</p> + +<p>I have seldom set eyes upon a less prepossessing +man. To liken him to a vicious over-fed pug is more +than charitable. Smug, purse-proud and evil, his +bloated countenance was most suggestive. There was +no pity about the coarse mouth, which he had twisted +into a smile, two deep sneer lines cut into the unwholesome +pallor of his cheeks, from under drooping lids two +beady eyes shifted their keen appraising glance from +me to Berry and, for a short second, to Adèle. There +was about him not a single redeeming feature, and for +the brute's pompous carriage alone I could have kicked +him heartily.</p> + +<p>The clothes were like unto the man.</p> + +<p>From beneath a silk-faced overcoat, which he wore +unbuttoned, the rich contour of a white waistcoat thrust +its outrageous way, spurning the decent shelter of a black +tail-coat and making the thick striped legs look shorter +than ever. A diamond pin winked in the satin tie, and +a black bowler hat and patent-leather boots mercifully +covered, the one his crown, and the others his short fat +feet.</p> + +<p>My gentleman raised his hat and removed a cigar from +his mouth before speaking in a thick voice and with +a strong foreign accent.</p> + +<p>"My segretary 'as tol' you of my agsident, yes. I +voz much oblige' vor a lif' to Brrrrooch. These gattle"—contemptuously +he pointed to the waggoner and his +great beasts, to whose common sagacity he owed his life—"should +not allowed be on der roats, no. Ach, so. +It voz all wrong."</p> + +<p>"Quite so," said Berry. "I think they're worse +than pedestrians. If I had my way, nothing but high-powered +cars would be allowed on any high road. If +people can't afford cars, let them keep to the lanes."</p> + +<p>"So 'ave I say often. What vor are der baths an' +lanes else? Bah!"</p> + +<p>By now Adèle had taken her seat in front, and my +brother-in-law, who had descended, was ushering Mr. +Dunkelsbaum into the place she had left. With a grunt +the fellow made to hoist himself in, when Nobby took +a flying leap from the front seat and planted himself in +the intruder's path, barking furiously.</p> + +<p>Immediately withdrawing the foot which he had set +upon the carpet, Mr. Dunkelsbaum descended anyhow on +to his secretary, who was not expecting him and so too +late to recede. The scream of agony which the unfortunate +creature emitted, no less than the convulsive way +in which he clung to the wing, while standing upon one +leg and protesting with a horrible leer that he was +unhurt, gave the lie to his words.</p> + +<p>His employer spoke at once and to the point.</p> + +<p>"Den, if you 'ave no 'urt, what vor 'ave you yell in +mine ear-'ole? Bah!" He turned to me. "You +vill blease gondrol der 'ound."</p> + +<p>Mastering a desire to do the man violence, I leaned +out and over the back of my seat and, taking Nobby +by the scruff of his neck, hauled him struggling and +growling across the barrier. Adèle received him +tenderly and endeavoured to soothe him. But the +Sealyham was mourning a lost opportunity and would +not be comforted.</p> + +<p>Bluntly commanding his creature to stay with the +car and arrange for its salvage, Mr. Dunkelsbaum once +more heaved himself into the Rolls and sank upon the +back seat. Berry followed, and a moment later I had +let in the clutch and turned up the by-road.</p> + +<p>By the time we had reached the entrance to the +enclosure it was ten minutes past two, and, as Berry +got out to open and hold the gate, I saw our passenger +bring out a handsome timepiece and, after a glance at +the dial, replace it in some uneasiness.</p> + +<p>"Your dime voz der same as London?" he inquired.</p> + +<p>"Five minutes ahead," I replied maliciously.</p> + +<p>"Ach!"</p> + +<p>"We shall do it all right," I said airily, "Your +appointment's at three, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Dunkelsbaum went a rich green colour, half rose +from his seat, and clawed at the air before replying.</p> + +<p>"Three?" he raved. "Three? No, no! Alf-pas' +doo, man, 'alf-pas' doo! 'Oo 'as say it voz three? +In a quarder of an hour ve mus' be dere. It is fital, +yes."</p> + +<p>Adèle began to shake with laughter.</p> + +<p>"Right oh," I said casually. "I dare say we can +manage it." The gate was open, and I let in the clutch +with a bang. With a startled grunt, Mr. Dunkelsbaum +was projected violently on to the seat he had left. As +I slowed up for Berry to rejoin us, "But I may have to +go rather fast," I added.</p> + +<p>"Like der devil," was the reply.</p> + +<p>The going was good, and the road was unfrequented, +so I let the car out. We tore down an avenue of firs, +great rugged banks of rhododendrons sprawling on +either side, scudded into a beechwood—pillars all silver-grey, +set in a ruffled mass of whispering green, swam +through a sea of bracken, rippling and feathery. And all +the time I was racking my brain....</p> + +<p>To the best of my recollection, we had another three +miles to cover before we should emerge from Ramilly +on to the King's highway. But at the very point at +which we should leave the enclosure there were crossroads +and, I was sure, a finger-post announcing the way +to Brooch in a plain manner which there was no mistaking.</p> + +<p>In the face of this direction, which our passenger +would be certain to see, it would be impossible to take +another road, and, though we should undoubtedly reach +<i>The Fountain</i> after the appointed hour, it was +quite possible that the proceedings might not be punctually +conducted, and that the essential business of the +sale would not have been completed before our arrival.</p> + +<p>Of course, there was nothing to prevent us from throwing +off the mask, stopping the car, and politely intimating +our inability to carry Mr. Dunkelsbaum any +further. But his reception of such an open declaration +of war was certain to be unsuitable for Adèle's eyes and +ears, and the subsequent action which a man of his +calibre would undoubtedly take might prove troublesome, +if profitless.</p> + +<p>Again, our eventual arrival at Brooch, however +belated, would be better avoided. Berry and I were +well known in the town, as was also our close friendship +with Sir Anthony. Our identification, therefore, would +be only a matter of time, and since, in the absence of a +burst or a puncture, our progress to Brooch could only +be delayed by pretended engine trouble, the suspicions +which this would be sure to arouse in our passenger's +mind would very soon be confirmed.</p> + +<p>Sooner or later the fellow would gather that he had +been befooled, but, provided that we preserved our +incognitos, that did not matter. If we could possibly +leave him uncertain whether we were as cunning as +serpents or as simple as doves, so much the better.</p> + +<p>In no sort of order all these reflections elbowed and +jostled one another before my mind's eye, which was +itself searching feverishly for a solution. Then we +floated round a long curve, and I saw the splash.</p> + +<p>We were at the top of a short steep hill in the midst +of a dense wood of tender years. At the foot of the hill +our road was overrun by a fair-sized stream, so that +while there was a little foot-bridge, vehicles that were +wishing to pass this way must do so by way of the ford. +Beyond the water the ground rose sharply again, making +the whole place a bottom or hollow, such as was commonly +encountered in this part of England.</p> + +<p>I slowed up, and we slid down the hill at a reduced +speed.</p> + +<p>With the utmost caution I put the Rolls at the splash, +making no attempt to disguise my uneasiness. Mr. +Dunkelsbaum would naturally conclude that I was +anxious lest the water was deep. As a matter of fact, +I was fearful lest the ford should prove shallow.</p> + +<p>But luck was with us.</p> + +<p>Very gently the great car entered the brown water, +which was flowing slowly and steadily over its gravel +bed. With my heart in my mouth, I watched the +water rise.... It was half-way to the running-board. +It was level—above.... It was lapping the +spare wheel, and—we were in the deepest part. Quick +as a flash I changed into top and let in the clutch with +a bang. Instantly the engine stopped, and the car +came to rest in mid-stream.</p> + +<p>I took out my handkerchief and wiped my face.</p> + +<p>There was an electric silence. Then—</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" said Berry.</p> + +<p>"Flooded out," I said shortly, hoping that Mr. +Dunkelsbaum was not an engineer.</p> + +<p>As I spoke, I heard a choking sound at my shoulder. +I turned sharply, and there was my gentleman in a +terrible toss. His eyes were protruding, and he could +hardly speak.</p> + +<p>"To Brrrooch!" he screamed. "To Brrrooch! Ve +mus' go on. I 'ave say it is fital. Sdard der gar, man, +sdard der gar! What vor do you vaid?"</p> + +<p>"I'll try," I said coolly. "But you'll have to get +out. Our only chance is to make her as light as +possible."</p> + +<p>With a saintly look Berry opened the off-side door and +sprang nimbly on to the foot-bridge. Then he turned +to the other.</p> + +<p>"Come along, sir."</p> + +<p>Mr. Dunkelsbaum stared at the water as if it had been +boiling oil. As he estimated the distance he was to +cover, a bead of perspiration began to course down his +face. It was the first of many....</p> + +<p>Berry extended his hand.</p> + +<p>"Come along, sir."</p> + +<p>The fellow threw one despairing glance about him, +hung out of the car till he could reach Berry's hand, +and then, with a frightful grunt, goose-stepped into +space....</p> + +<p>The sight of Mr. Dunkelsbaum, still hand-in-hand +with Berry, endeavouring by the latter's direction to +step out of twelve inches of water on to the foot-bridge—a +feat which only a contortionist could have accomplished—was +diverting in the extreme. But when the +unfortunate creature did by some superhuman effort +get the elongated toe of his right elastic-sided boot upon +the plank, and Berry found himself unable to do more +than haul him half-way to safety, so that for one long +hectic moment he hung writhing convulsively, frantically +waving his left leg in quest of a footing and alternately +calling upon Heaven and frenziedly charging his +betrayer not to let go; when, as a result of muscular +vibration, his left boot worked loose and fell into the +water with a derisive plop; when Nobby, who had been +watching the efforts of the storming party in a fever of +excitement, leapt from Adèle's arms on to my shoulders +and thence into the flood, and, beating its raving owner +by a matter of inches in a rush for the errant footgear, +splashed his triumphant way to the bank and, amid a +hurricane of execration, bore his waterlogged trophy +into the undergrowth; then I bowed my head upon the +steering-wheel and, throwing decency to the winds, ran +before the tempest of Titanic laughter....</p> + +<p>A wail of merriment from Adèle and a pressure upon +my left arm brought me to my senses.</p> + +<p>Watch in hand, Mr. Dunkelsbaum was dancing upon +a strip of turf by the edge of the stream, bellowing at +me to start the car.</p> + +<p>"I do nod gare vor my bood, no. But der abboinmen'.... It +vill nod vaid, I say. An' it is now vive +minute to begin. Ach! What vor 'ave you sid dere +an' laugh? My 'eart pleeds vor you. Ten tousand +devil! But <i>vill you sdard ub der auto?</i>"</p> + +<p>The yell with which he delivered the last sentence +changed to a howl as his bootless foot alighted heavily +upon an odd pebble, and Nobby peered out of some +long grass, boot in mouth, to see whether the situation +was affording further opportunities. Apparently it +was not, for he lay down where he was and proceeded +with the dismemberment of his spoil.</p> + +<p>Adèle turned her head away and held her handkerchief +to her eyes.</p> + +<p>I set my foot upon the self-starter....</p> + +<p>The moment the engine started, Nobby abandoned +his treasure and leapt barking to the side of the car, +fearful, as usual, lest he be left behind. Muttering +hideously, Mr. Dunkelsbaum seized the opportunity of +retrieving his boot, whose present condition was apparently +even worse than he had expected, for a hurried +examination of the same elicited an involuntary cry of +torment, and he shook his fist at the terrier in a fit of +ungovernable fury.</p> + +<p>Slowly I brought the Rolls out of the splash, and when, +as I judged, about six feet lay between the back wheels +and the stream, again I stopped the engine....</p> + +<p>For a moment I thought Mr. Dunkelsbaum would offer +me violence. His mouth worked uncontrollably, and +there was a suspicion of foam upon the thick lips. A +sudden violent tug at the boot, which was still in his +right hand awaiting replacement, mercifully diverted +his attention, but the savagery with which he launched +a kick at Nobby, who was once more in possession and +already out of range, was terrible to witness.</p> + +<p>"'Ell-'ound!" he screamed. "'Ell-'ound! You +vould dare! I vill throw you oud of der vindow with +one 'and. I vill gig der eyes from your 'ead." In the +midst of the paroxysm he turned to me, wild-eyed and +gesticulating. "What vor 'ave you stay still? You +mus' sdard again an' again, yes. To Brrrooch! To +Brrrooch!" He snatched his watch from his pocket +and dabbed at its face with a shaking forefinger. "Der +glogs vill berhaps be wrong. I vill give you dwendy +bounds if ve shall 'ave arrive in dime!"</p> + +<p>The rearguard of my compunction, which had been +putting up a fight, vanished into thin air. The sweep +had offered me money. I was prepared to twist his tall +indefinitely.</p> + +<p>"If you pushed behind," I said coldly, "we might +get her going. If we do, you must get in while she's +moving. I daren't stop, or we may have to begin all +over again."</p> + +<p>Mr. Dunkelsbaum eyed me suspiciously, and Berry, +who had been hitherto afraid to trust his voice, took up +the running with a dash.</p> + +<p>"That's the ticket. Come on, Herr Stunkenblotch. +Never mind your boot. Think of the purchase you'll +get with a bare foot." He stepped behind the car. +"Now, you do as I do, and, when I say 'Go,' drop your +bullet head and try to shove the old 'bus into the middle +of next fortnight."</p> + +<p>With a snarl, Mr. Dunkelsbaum slunk limping to the +back of the car....</p> + +<p>A moment later—</p> + +<p>"Go!" said my brother-in-law.</p> + +<p>Maliciously I waited the best part of thirty seconds. +Then—</p> + +<p>"Are you ready?" I inquired, innocently enough.</p> + +<p>The explosion which my question provoked was truly +terrible.</p> + +<p>The panting alien and Berry immediately reappeared, +one upon either side of the car, the latter protesting with +an injured air that he was not so young as he was, and +that, if I wanted him to survive the summer, I had +better keep my ears open, while, to judge from his +behaviour, the reflection that his recent output of vigour +had been rendered nugatory by my unreadiness was +hurrying Mr. Dunkelsbaum into the valley of insanity. +Purple in the face from the unwonted violence of his +physical and mental exercise, streaming with perspiration +and shaking with passion, the fellow stormed and +raved like a demoniac, and, if Berry had not stepped in +front of the bonnet and, taking him by the arm, led +him again to the back of the car, I believe he would have +fallen down in a fit.</p> + +<p>"Are you ready?" I called.</p> + +<p>A hurricane of affirmatory invective answered me.</p> + +<p>I started the engine, changed into first and let in the +clutch. As I changed into second, uprose a medley of +cries and barking. I leaned out, exhorting the pedestrians +by words and gestures to come aboard....</p> + +<p>Head up, teeth bared, fists clenched and arms working, +Mr. Dunkelsbaum was running like a stag. Berry +was loping along just behind, apparently offering encouragement +and advice, while the Sealyham was alternately +running and jumping up and down in front of the +frantic alien, barking as if he were possessed. Even as +I looked, the inevitable happened. Nobby miscalculated +his distance and landed too close to the object of +his attentions, Berry gave a warning, but belated, shout, +and Mr. Dunkelsbaum made a desperate effort to avoid +the stumbling-block, tripped, recovered himself, crossed +his legs, and with an unearthly cry fell heavily to the +ground.</p> + +<p>I changed into third speed.</p> + +<p>As we swung round the corner at the top of the hill, I +threw a glance over my shoulder.</p> + +<p>Berry was sitting on the bank by the side of the road +with his head in his hands, Mr. Dunkelsbaum had risen +to his feet and was in the act of hurling himself in the +direction of Nobby, and the latter, with his small tail +well over his back, was circling delightedly about his +victim, still barking like a fiend and ricochetting like a +roulette ball.</p> + +<p>The next moment we were out of sight, and I changed +into top speed.</p> + +<p>Adèle caught at my arm.</p> + +<p>"You're not going to leave them?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>"Best way out," I said. "Berry'll understand and +pull out somehow. You see, we're too well known +about here to take any chances. And now I think we'll +slip along to <i>The Fountain</i> and find Sir Anthony."</p> + +<p>"You tell me I speak good English," said Adèle.</p> + +<p>"So you do."</p> + +<p>"Well, I don't want to spoil my record. What's the +Anglo-Saxon for 'a thaw-proof nerve '?"</p> + +<p>"Can't be done," said I. "But I can put your mouth +into Italian. <i>Bocca bella carissima.</i> Now, isn't that +nice?"</p> + +<p>The sweet pretty lips began to tremble with laughter.</p> + +<p>"You're incorrigible," she announced. "Fifteen +long months, and you haven't changed a bit."</p> + +<p>"Long months, Adèle?"</p> + +<p>The soft rose of her cheeks was glowing as she turned +to reply.</p> + +<p>"The longest I've ever spent," she said softly. +"That—that's the worst of cutting your hair. I thought +it was never going to grow."</p> + +<p>"They've been very long ones for me, Adèle."</p> + +<p>Up went the delicate eyebrows.</p> + +<p>"Have they?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>"A close scrutiny will reveal that my hair, once a +rich mud colour, is now flecked with grey."</p> + +<p>"I should attribute that to the march of Time."</p> + +<p>I shook my head.</p> + +<p>"The responsibility," I said, "rests with the United +States of America. Seriously, I missed you terribly."</p> + +<p>"That," said Adèle, "I refuse to believe. If you +had, you would have paid us a visit."</p> + +<p>"I was not invited."</p> + +<p>Adèle shrugged her shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Any old way," she announced, "I'm here now. +And, while we're on the subject of hair, please remember +that since you last saw me, I've put mine up."</p> + +<p>"Which means?"</p> + +<p>"That I am a dangerous woman of the world, who +gives nothing and takes everything—with a grain of +salt. I warn you, I've changed."</p> + +<p>"Unquestionably," said I, "you have had a violent +love-affair. That is as plain as is the dainty nose upon +your charming face."</p> + +<p>Adèle regarded me with a dazzling smile.</p> + +<p>"I forgot," she said, "that I was addressing an +expert. Tell me, d'you think I shall get over it?"</p> + +<p>"If you don't," said I, "it shan't be my fault."</p> + +<p>"You're very good."</p> + +<p>"Not at all," said I. "Can you spell 'homoeopathy'?"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>For a man who had just parted with the home of his +fathers, poor old Sir Anthony was in high spirits. Lock, +stock and barrel, Merry Down had been sold to the +highest bidder. Of that there was no manner of doubt. +What was more to the point was that the purchaser, +who had paid a good price, was of English blood, and +had known Derry Bagot at Eton, and soldiered with him +first in South Africa and afterwards in France. The +place had passed into good clean hands and was to be +well cared for.</p> + +<p>"A very civil fellow," said Sir Anthony, whom we +had brought back to White Ladies to tea, "and a +sportsman. I'm truly thankful. Spoke so nicely of +Derry—said he'd always looked up to him and he was +proud to think he was to carry on his—his home." His +voice faltered, and something of the old stricken look +hung for an instant in the keen grey eyes. The next +moment it was ousted by the flash of victory, and they +were bent upon me. "So you deported the alien to +Ramilly? Gad, but I'd 've liked to see the terrier +bring him down."</p> + +<p>As he spoke there was the noise of a familiar scamper, +and a moment later Nobby had hurled himself across +the terrace into my lap and was licking my face with an +enthusiastic violence which could not have been more +pronounced if he had not seen me for years.</p> + +<p>And in his wake came Berry.</p> + +<p>I had told Sir Anthony that, if he desired to thank +any one, he must thank my brother-in-law, because, +but for the latter's quick wit. Merry Down would have +fallen into the enemy's hands. But, when the old +baronet had clapped him upon the back, Berry nodded +at me.</p> + +<p>"I believe," he said, "I was the first to conceive the +felony. That comes of being a magistrate. But that's +the merchant who carried it out. Largely at my expense, +I admit. But that's a matter for him and me to +settle. I tell you, Sir Anthony, you must thank him—and +the—er—hell-hound. A more masterly display +of devilry I never witnessed." He sank into a chair. +"Let refreshment be brought me."</p> + +<p>Daphne blew him a kiss.</p> + +<p>"One moment, old chap. Did the servants see you +come in?"</p> + +<p>Her husband nodded.</p> + +<p>"Then there'll be some fresh tea in a moment. And +now, what happened? We're simply wild to hear."</p> + +<p>"Yes," cried Jill eagerly. "And did you really call +him 'Stunkenblotch'? And what happened to his +boot? And where——"</p> + +<p>"The last thing we saw," said Adèle, "was the fellow +get up and go for Nobby. You were sitting by the +side of the road."</p> + +<p>"And before you begin," said I, "let me say that I +wouldn't have left you, brother, if I could have thought +of any other way out. But it seemed the only thing to +do."</p> + +<p>Berry put up his hand.</p> + +<p>"Strange as it may seem," he said, "for once I don't +blame you. If I hadn't been so weak with laughter I +might have boarded the car, but it was then or never. I +didn't expect you to wait."</p> + +<p>"How did you get on?"</p> + +<p>"I fear," said Berry, "that Mr. Dunkelsbaum did +expect the car to be waiting at the top of the hill. What +he said when he found that the road, which we could see +for about five furlongs, was unoccupied, I shall try to +forget. Suffice it that he perspired with great freedom, +and for a long time appeared to be afflicted with an +impediment in his speech. Occasionally he addressed +me in Patagonian, but since the only words I could +remember were <i>schloss</i>, <i>ausgang</i> and <i>bahnhof</i>, my +replies, judging from their reception, were unsatisfactory +and sometimes, I grieve to think, even irrelevant.</p> + +<p>"Presently I suggested that we should return for his +boot. For this he sought, whilst I detained Nobby. I +had recommended that the latter's services should be +employed in the search, but the bare suggestion provoked +such a shocking outburst of profanity that I said +no more. When, after exploring the undergrowth for +nearly half an hour, he suddenly descried his footgear +lodged in the branches of a neighbouring ash, Mr. +Dunkelsbaum's behaviour gave me cause to fear for his +reason. My theory that some dim-sighted fowl must +have mistaken the truant for a piece of refuse met with +a furious dismissal, and, from the perfectly poisonous +stare with which he declined my offer of assistance to +secure his quarry, I was forced to the conclusion that he +associated me with its elevation. This discovery caused +me much pain, but the rude man was soon to pay dearly +for his foul suspicion. True, he got it down: but it +seemed as if the ravages of wear and tear, to say nothing +of its immersion, had heavily discounted the value of the +boot as an article of wearing apparel, for, after several +agonized endeavours to replace it upon his foot, Mr. +Dunkelsbaum screamed, flung it down, spat upon it, and +offered up what I took to be a short prayer for immediate +death.</p> + +<p>"After this horrible exhibition of temper, I felt that +no useful purpose could be served by remaining within +sight or earshot of the abandoned creature, so I released +the terrier and made ready to depart.</p> + +<p>"'Herr Splodgenblunk,' I said, 'I must now leave +you. Should you be still anxious to arrive at Bloat, +you cannot do better than——'</p> + +<p>"He interrupted me with a terrible cry.</p> + +<p>"'I vos neffer vant to 'ave arrive at Bloat!'</p> + +<p>"'But you said——'</p> + +<p>"'No! No!' he raved. 'It vos <i>Brrrooch</i>, I 'ave say—<i>Brrrooch</i>!'</p> + +<p>"I affected the utmost surprise.</p> + +<p>"'Oh, Brooch. Why, we came miles out of our way. +Brooch is over there. Back the way we came, out of +the enclosure, and the first on the right. That's the +worst of a Scotch accent.'"</p> + +<p>Berry paused for the laughter to subside. As it died +down—</p> + +<p>"That," said I, "was refined cruelty."</p> + +<p>"I confess," said Berry, "that, compared with the +paroxysm which succeeded my statement, its predecessors +were pale and colourless. Indeed, but for a +timely diversion, I believe the gent would have gone up +in smoke.</p> + +<p>"You see, it was like this.</p> + +<p>"Ever since his release, Nobby had evinced a pardonable +curiosity regarding Mr. Dunkelsbaum's bootless +foot. Unknown to its owner, he had subjected this +remarkable member to the closest scrutiny, and it was +in the midst of the other's spirited study of 'A Lost +Soul' that he decided to remove the objectionable cloak +or covering, which it is charity to describe as a sock.</p> + +<p>"It was, of course, unmannerly. The dog should +have controlled his morbid thirst for knowledge. But +there you are. Still, it was imprudent of Mr. Dunkelsbaum +to kick him in the ribs. I felt that instinctively. +Had the gentleman remained to argue, I should have +said as much. But he didn't.</p> + +<p>"Going extremely short upon the near fore, he +rocketed down the hill, with Nobby in the immediate +future, barking like a fiend and striving, so to speak, to +take Time by the forelock. From the fragment of cashmere +with which he presently returned, I fear that he +was successful.</p> + +<p>"And there you are. All things considered, if he's +still alive, I should think he'd make Brooch about +half-past eight."</p> + +<p>"He may get a lift," said Jonah.</p> + +<p>"Not he. Once bitten, twice shy. After all, he +asked for it, didn't he? And now shall I have some tea? +Or would that be greedy?"</p> + +<p>Sir Anthony wiped his eyes.</p> + +<p>"If he'd known you," he crowed, "as well as I do, +he'd 've been more careful. Who sups with the devil +should hold a long spoon."</p> + +<p>"I don't know what you mean, sir," said Berry. +"I'm a respectable——"</p> + +<p>"Exactly," said I. "And meek. Thanks to +Uranus."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X</h2> + +<p>HOW ADÈLE BROKE HER DREAM, AND VANDY PLEYDELL +TOOK EXERCISE.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">"W</span>hat, again?" said I, staring at the breakfast-cup +which Jill was offering me, that I might pass +it to Daphne. "How many more cups is he going to +drink? He's had three to my knowledge."</p> + +<p>"That vessel," said Berry, "was passed to you for +information and immediate action. So, as they say in +the Army, close your perishin' head and get down to +it."</p> + +<p>"What you want," said I, "is a bucket. Or a +private urn."</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with a trough?" said Jonah. +"That'd be more in keeping."</p> + +<p>Berry turned to Adèle.</p> + +<p>"You see?" he said. "Two putrid minds with +but a single snort. But there you are. Don't dwell +on it. Pass the marmalade instead." He turned to +his wife. "And what's the programme for to-day? +The glass has gone up, it's already raining, 'all's right +with the world.' Anybody like to play ping-pong?"</p> + +<p>"Fool," said his wife. "As a matter of fact, I +don't think it would be a bad idea if we went over to +Broken Ash for tea." Berry made a grimace, and Jill +and I groaned. Even Jonah looked down his nose at +the suggestion. "Yes," my sister continued, "I +didn't think it'd be a popular move, but I'd like Adèle +to see the pictures, and we haven't shown a sign of life +since we left Town."</p> + +<p>At Broken Ash lived the other branch of the Pleydell +family, consisting of our Cousin Vandy and his two +sisters. Between them and us there was little love +lost. Of their jealousy of Berry, but for whose birth +White Ladies would have passed into their hands, +they made but an open secret; and, when he married +my sister, who was his second cousin, and the Mansels—Cousins +Jonah and Jill—had thrown in their lot with +us, relations had become more strained than before. +The conventions were, however, observed. Calendars +were exchanged at Christmas, birthdays were recognized +with a cold epistolary nod, and occasional calls +were paid and invitations issued. Their possession +of all but two of the family portraits was undoubted, +and with nine points of the law in their favour they +were well armed. It was an open question whether +the tenth point, which was ours, was sufficiently +doughty to lay the other nine by the heels. Years +ago counsel had advised that the law was dead in +our favour, but it was certain that Vandy and his +sisters would resist any claim we made with great +bitterness, and the settlement of a family quarrel in +the public ring of the High Court was more than we +could stomach.</p> + +<p>Still, the pictures were worth seeing. There were +a Holbein, a Van Dyck, three Gainsboroughs, and two +from the brush of Reynolds among them, and, so soon +as she had learned of their existence, Adèle had evinced +an eagerness to be shown the collection.</p> + +<p>There was a moment's silence. Then—</p> + +<p>"I'd hate to think you were going for my sake," +said Adèle.</p> + +<p>"We're not, dear," said Daphne. "Even if you +weren't here, we should have to go some day soon."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Berry. "We hate one another like +poison, but we've never declared war. Consequently, +diplomatic relations are still maintained, and in due +season we meet and are charmingly offensive to one +another. When war broke out they were very sticky +about billeting a few Yeomanry chargers, and crawled +and lied about their stabling till the authorities got +fed up and commandeered all they'd got. Therefore, +whenever we meet, I chivvy the conversation in the +direction of horseflesh. In the same way, having +regard to the burglary which we suffered last month, +Vandy will spread himself on the subject of old silver. +The moment they heard of it, they sent us a triumphant +telegram of condolence."</p> + +<p>My sister laughed.</p> + +<p>"If you say much more," she said, "Adèle will be +afraid to come with us. I admit it's a duty call, pure +and simple. All the same, there won't be any bloodshed."</p> + +<p>"I'm ready for anything," said Addle thoughtfully. +"Shall I wear a red or white rose?"</p> + +<p>"Don't tell us you can control your cheeks," said I. +"It's unheard of. And why are you so pensive this +morning? Is it because of Ireland? Or have you +trodden on your sponge?"</p> + +<p>"I believe she's broken the soap-dish," said Berry, +"and is afraid to tell us."</p> + +<p>"Don't tease her," said Jill. "Why shouldn't she +be quiet if she likes?"</p> + +<p>But Adèle was bubbling with laughter.</p> + +<p>"The truth is," she announced, "I'm trying to +remember a dream I had last night." She looked +across the table to me. "You know what it is to +dream something rather vivid and interesting, and then +not to be able to remember what it was?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>"But you can't do anything," I said. "It's no +good trying to remember it. Either you'll think of it, +or you won't."</p> + +<p>"Exactly," said my brother-in-law. "There's no +other alternative. It's one of the laws of Nature. I +well remember dreaming that I was a disused columbarium +which had been converted into a brewery and +was used as a greenhouse. I was full of vats and +memorial tablets and creeping geraniums. Just as they +were going to pull me down to make room for a cinema, +Daphne woke me up to say there was a bat in the room. +I replied suitably, but, before turning over to resume +my slumbers, I tried to recapture my dream. My +efforts were vain. It was gone for ever."</p> + +<p>"Then how d'you know what it was about?" said +Jill.</p> + +<p>"I don't," said Berry. "What I have told you is +pure surmise. And now will you pass me the toast, +or shall I come and get it?"</p> + +<p>Choking with indignation, Jill stretched out a rosy +hand in the direction of the toastrack.... Suddenly +the light of mischief leapt into her grey eyes, and she +called Nobby. In a flash the Sealyham—never so +vigilant as at meal-time—was by her side. Cheerfully +she gave him the last piece of toast. Then she turned +to Berry with a seraphic smile.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid there's none left," he said.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Before we had finished lunch, the rain had ceased, +and by the time we were under weigh, <i>en route</i> for +Broken Ash, the afternoon sun was turning a wet world +into a sweet-smelling jewel. Diamonds dripped from +her foliage, emerald plumes glistened on every bank, +silver lay spilt upon her soft brown roads. No scent-bag +was ever stuffed with such rare spicery. Out of +the dewy soil welled up the fresh clean breath of magic +spikenard, very precious.</p> + +<p>Punctually at half-past four we swept up the +avenue of poplars that led to our cousins' house.</p> + +<p>The visit had been arranged by Daphne upon the +telephone, and Vandy and his two sisters were ready +and waiting....</p> + +<p>The <i>réunion</i> was not cordial. Ease and Familiarity +were not among the guests. But it was eminently +correct. The most exacting Master of Ceremonies, the +most severe authority upon Etiquette, would have +been satisfied. We were extraordinarily polite. We +made engaging conversation, we begged one another's +pardon, we enjoyed one another's jokes. The dispensation +and acceptance of hospitality did the respective +forces infinite credit.</p> + +<p>After tea we were taken to see the pictures. +Vandy, as showman, naturally escorted Adèle. The +rest of us, decently grouped about his sisters, followed +like a party of sightseers in the wake of a verger.</p> + +<p>To do our host justice, he knew his own fathers. +For what it was worth, the history of the Pleydell +family lay at his fingers' ends. Men, manners and exploits—he +knew them all. Indeed, years ago he had +collected his knowledge and had it published in the +form of a book. We had a copy somewhere.</p> + +<p>We were half-way along the gallery, and our cousin +was in full blast, when Adèle, to whom he was introducing +the portraits with triumphant unction, started +forward with a low cry.</p> + +<p>"That's the very man," she exclaimed, pointing at +the picture of a middle-aged gentleman in a plum-coloured +coat, which, I seemed to remember, was +unsigned but attributed—without much confidence—to +the brush of Gonzales Coques. "What an extraordinary +thing! I've broken my dream."</p> + +<p>In the twinkling of an eye Vandy's importance was +snatched from him, and the prophet's mantle had fallen +upon Adèle. Where, but a moment before, he had +been strutting in all the pride of a proprietor, she held +the stage. More. Neither our discomfited host nor +his sisters could divine what was toward, and the fact +that their guests crowded eagerly about Adèle, encouraging +her to "let them have it," was more disconcerting +than ever.</p> + +<p>"It was in a garden," said Adèle, "a quiet sort, of +place. I think I was walking behind him. I don't +know how I got there, but he didn't see me. All the +same, he kept looking round, as if he was afraid he was +being watched. Presently we came to a place where +there was a stone pedestal standing. It wasn't exactly +a pillar—it wasn't high enough. And it was too high for +a seat. Well, he stared at this for a moment; then he +looked around again, very cautiously, and then—it +sounds idiotic, but he began to prod the turf with his +stick. At first he did it just casually, here and there: +but, after a little, he started prodding at regular intervals, +methodically. The ground was quite soft, +and his stick seemed to go in like a skewer. Suddenly +he seemed to hear something or somebody, for he +listened very carefully, and then walked on tiptoe to the +pedestal and leaned up against it as if he were resting. +The next moment somebody—some man in ordinary +clothes came out of...." She hesitated. "I don't +know whether it was some bushes or a wall he came out +of. Some bushes, I guess. Any way, he appeared, +and—don't laugh—gave him a green tomato. Then +I woke up."</p> + +<p>"And this is the man you saw?" cried Daphne, +pointing.</p> + +<p>Adèle nodded.</p> + +<p>"Dress and everything. He was wearing the same +plumed hat and that identical coat, buttoned all down +the front, with the pockets low down on either side. +And I'll never forget his face. That's a wonderful +picture. It's life-like."</p> + +<p>"What an extraordinary thing!" said I. Then I +turned to Vandy. "Has this portrait ever been +reproduced?"</p> + +<p>He did not seem to hear me.</p> + +<p>With dropped jaw and bulging eyes, the fellow was +staring at Adèle, staring....</p> + +<p>Suddenly, as with an effort, he pulled himself +together.</p> + +<p>"Was that all you saw?" he said hoarsely.</p> + +<p>Adèle pondered.</p> + +<p>"I think so," she said slowly. "Except that there +were some words carved on the pedestal. PER ... +IMP ... PERIMP, ... No. That wasn't it. +Something like that. Not English. I can't +remember."</p> + +<p>"Ah!"</p> + +<p>Berry took up the running.</p> + +<p>"You say the merchant was prodding the ground?" +he said.</p> + +<p>"That's right. It sounds silly, but——"</p> + +<p>"Not at all," said Berry excitedly. "He was +looking for something. It's as clear as daylight." +He turned to the picture. "That's William Pleydell, +isn't it, Vandy? Seventeenth-century bloke. The one +Pepys mentions."</p> + +<p>My cousin nodded abstractedly. With unseeing +eyes he was staring out of a window. It was patent +that Adèle's recital had affected him strangely....</p> + +<p>Berry laid a hand on his arm.</p> + +<p>"Where's the book you wrote?" he said gently. +"That may throw some light on it."</p> + +<p>One of our hostesses turned, as though she would +fetch the volume.</p> + +<p>"It went to be rebound yesterday," cried Vandy in +a strained, penetrating voice.</p> + +<p>His sister stopped and stood still in her tracks. A +moment later she had turned back and was murmuring +a confirmation.</p> + +<p>Jonah, who had been busy with a pencil and the +back of an envelope, limped towards us from one of the +windows.</p> + +<p>"The pedestal was a sundial," he said. Vandy +looked at him sharply. He turned to Adèle. "PER<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">... IMP ... you said. Try PEREUNT ET IMPUTANTUR.</span><br /> +Latin. 'The hours pass and are +charged against us.' You'll find the phrase on five +sundials out of six."</p> + +<p>A buzz of excited applause greeted this admirable +contribution.</p> + +<p>Adèle looked at the written words. +"You are clever," she said. "Of course, that's it. +It must be."</p> + +<p>Vandy's reception of Jonah's discovery convinced +me that it had already occurred to him. He applauded +theatrically. The fellow was playing a part, feverishly. +Besides, I did not believe his rotten book was being +rebound. That was a lie. There was something there +which he did not want us to see. Not a doubt of it. +Well, we had a copy at White Ladies. No! Our copy +was in Town. Hang it! What a sweep the man +was!</p> + +<p>With a horse-laugh he interrupted my reflections.</p> + +<p>"Well, well, Miss Feste, I confess you gave me a +shock. Still, if you had to meet one of our forefathers, +I could have wished it had been any other than the +notorious William. We enjoy his portrait, but we +deplore his memory. Ha! Ha! Now, we're really +proud of the next one—his cousin, James Godstow +Pleydell. He it was who was responsible——"</p> + +<p>"Forgive me," purred Daphne, "but I'm going to +say we must fly. I'd no idea it was so late. People are +coming to dinner, and we must go back by Brooch, +because we've run out of ice."</p> + +<p>Our host protested—not very heartily—and was +overruled. Mutual regret was suitably expressed. +Without more ado we descended into the hall. Here +at the front door the decencies of leave-taking were +observed. The host and hostesses were thanked, the +parting guests sped. A moment later, we were sliding +down the avenue to the lodge-gates. As we swung on +to the road—</p> + +<p>"Where's the book?" said Daphne. "That man's +a liar."</p> + +<p>"At Cholmondeley Street," said I. "But you're +right about Vandy. He's trying to keep something +back."</p> + +<p>"He's so excited he doesn't know what to do," said +Daphne. "That's clear."</p> + +<p>"Well, what the deuce is it?" said Berry. "I've +read the blinkin' book, but I'll swear there's nothing +in it about buried treasure."</p> + +<p>"Whatever it is," said I, "it's in that book. I'll +get it to-morrow. D'you really want any ice?"</p> + +<p>Daphne shook her head.</p> + +<p>"But I couldn't stay there with that man another +minute."</p> + +<p>Adèle lifted up her sweet voice.</p> + +<p>"I feel very guilty," she said. "I've upset you all, +I've given everything away to your cousin with both +hands, and I've——"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense, darling," said Daphne. "You did the +natural thing. How could you know——"</p> + +<p>Jonah interrupted her with a laugh.</p> + +<p>"One thing's certain," he said. "I'll bet old Vandy's +cursing the day he rushed into print."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Upon reflection it seemed idle for any one of us to +journey to London and back merely to fetch a volume, +so the next morning one of the servants was dispatched +instead, armed with a note to the housekeeper at +Cholmondeley Street, telling her exactly where the +book would be found.</p> + +<p>The man returned as we were finishing dinner, and +<i>The History of the Pleydell Family</i> was brought to +Berry while we sat at dessert.</p> + +<p>Nuts and wine went by the board.</p> + +<p>As my brother-in-law cut the string, we left our places +and crowded about him....</p> + +<p>Reference to the index bade us turn to page fifty-four.</p> + +<p>As the leaves flicked, we waited breathlessly. Then—</p> + +<p>"Here we are," said Berry. "'<span class="smcap">William Pleydell</span>. +In 1652 Nicholas died, to be succeeded by his only +child, William, of whom little is known. This is +perhaps as well, for such information as is to hand, +regarding his life and habits, shows him to have been +addicted to no ordinarily evil ways. The lustre which +his father and grandfather had added to the family +name William seems to have spared no effort to tarnish. +When profligacy was so fashionable, a man must have +lived hard indeed to attract attention. Nevertheless, +Samuel Pepys, the Diarist, refers to him more than +once, each time commenting upon the vileness of his +company and his offensive behaviour. Upon one +occasion, we are told, at the play-house the whole +audience was scandalized by a <i>loose drunken frolic,</i> +in which <i>Mr. William Pleydell, a gentleman of Hampshire,</i> +played a disgraceful part. What was worse, he +carried his dissolute habits into the countryside, and at +one time his way of living at the family seat White +Ladies was so openly outrageous that the incumbent +of Bilberry actually denounced the squire from the +pulpit, referring to him as 'a notorious evil-liver' and +'an abandoned wretch.' If not for his good name, +however, for the house and pleasure-gardens he seems +to have had some respect, for it was during his tenure +that the stables were rebuilt and the gardens decorated +with statuary which has since disappeared. '<i>A sundial</i>'"—the +sensation which the word produced was +profound, and Jill cried out with excitement—"'<i>a sundial, +bearing the date 1663 and the cipher W.P., still +stands in the garden of the old dower-house, which passed +out of the hands of the family early in the nineteenth +century.</i>'"</p> + +<p>Berry stopped reading, and laid the book down.</p> + +<p>"The dower-house?" cried Daphne blankly.</p> + +<p>Her husband nodded.</p> + +<p>"But I never knew there was one. Besides——"</p> + +<p>"Better known to-day as 'The Lawn, Bilberry.'"</p> + +<p>"Quite right," said Jonah. "A hundred years ago +that stood inside the park."</p> + +<p>"The Lawn?" cried Jill. "Why, that's where the +fire was. Years and years ago. I remember old Nanny +taking me down to see it the next day. And it's never +been rebuilt."</p> + +<p>"To my knowledge," said I, "it's had a board up, +saying it's for sale, for the last fifteen years. Shall we +go in for it? They can't want much. The house is +gutted, the garden's a wilderness, and——"</p> + +<p>A cry from Adèle interrupted me. While we were +talking, she had picked up the volume.</p> + +<p>"Listen to this," she said. "' William Pleydell +died unmarried and intestate in 1667, and was succeeded +by his cousin Anthony. Except that during the former's +tenure a good deal of timber was cut, White Ladies had +been well cared for. The one blot upon his stewardship +was the disappearance of the greater part of the family +plate, which Nicholas Pleydell's will proves to have been +unusually rare and valuable. <i>There used to exist a +legend, for which the author can trace no foundation, that +William had brought it from London during the Great +Plague and buried it, for want of a strong-room, at White +Ladies.</i> A far more probable explanation is that its +graceless inheritor surreptitiously disposed of the +treasure for the same reason as he committed waste, +viz., to spend the proceeds upon riotous living.'"</p> + +<p>Dumbly we stared at the reader....</p> + +<p>The murder was out.</p> + +<p>Berry whipped out his watch.</p> + +<p>"Nine o'clock," he announced. "We can do nothing +to-night. And that sweep Vandy's got a long lead. +We haven't a moment to lose. Who are the agents for +The Lawn?"</p> + +<p>"It's on the board," said I, "and I've read it a +thousand times, but I'm hanged if I can remember +whether it's Miller of Brooch, or a London firm."</p> + +<p>"Slip over there the first thing in the morning," said +Jonah. "If it's Miller, so much the better. You can +go straight on to Brooch. If it's a London man—well, +there's always the telephone."</p> + +<p>"I hope to heaven," said Daphne, "it's—it's still for +sale."</p> + +<p>"Vandy's got Scotch blood in him," said Berry. +"He won't lay out fifteen hundred or so without looking +round."</p> + +<p>"More like three thousand," said Jonah.</p> + +<p>"It's a lot of money to risk," said Daphne slowly.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Adèle anxiously. "I feel that. I know +it's your affair, but, if it hadn't been for my dream, +this would never have happened. And supposing there's +nothing in it.... I mean, it would be dreadful to +think you'd thrown away all that money and gotten +nothing in exchange. And they always say that dreams +are contrary."</p> + +<p>"Let's face the facts," said my brother-in-law. +"Taking everything into consideration, doesn't it look +like a vision, or second sight?"</p> + +<p>We agreed vociferously. Only Adèle looked ill at +ease.</p> + +<p>Berry continued.</p> + +<p>"Very well, then. Less than a month ago all our +silver was taken off us by comic burglars. Doesn't it +look as if we were being offered the chance of replacing +it by something better?"</p> + +<p>Again we agreed.</p> + +<p>"Lastly, the insurance company has paid up to the +tune of four thousand pounds, which amount is now +standing to the credit of my deposit account at Coutts'. +I tell you, if we don't have a dart, we shall be mad."</p> + +<p>"I agree," said I.</p> + +<p>"So do I," cried Jill. "I'm all for it."</p> + +<p>Only Daphne and Jonah hesitated.</p> + +<p>I laid my hand upon the former's shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Supposing," I said, "we take no action, but Vandy +does. Supposing he strikes oil and lands the stuff under +our noses.... Wouldn't you cheerfully blow the four +thousand just to avoid that?"</p> + +<p>My sister's eyes flashed, and Jonah's chin went up.</p> + +<p>"Anything," said Daphne emphatically, "anything +would be better than that."</p> + +<p>So was the decision made.</p> + +<p>We adjourned to the drawing-room, and for the rest +of the evening discussed the matter furiously.</p> + +<p>The suggestion that Vandy would not wait to buy, +but had already got to work at The Lawn, was summarily +dismissed. Our cousin was too cautious for +that. He knew that the moment we had the book, +we should be as wise as he, and that, since we were at +loggerheads, we should certainly not sit quietly by and +permit him to enrich himself to our teeth, when a word +to the owners of The Lawn would compel him to disgorge +any treasure he found. No, Vandy was no fool. +He would walk circumspectly, and buy first and dig +afterwards.</p> + +<p>It was Jonah who raised the question of "treasure +trove." In some uneasiness we sought for a book of +law. Investigation, however, satisfied us that, if the +plate were ever unearthed, the Crown would not interfere. +Evidence that an ancestor had buried it was +available, and reference to the will of Nicholas would +establish its identity. Whether it belonged to us or to +Vandy was another matter, but Reason suggested that +Law and Equity alike would favour the party in whose +land it was found.</p> + +<p>We ordered breakfast early and the car at a quarter +to nine, but, for all that, it was past midnight before we +went to bed.</p> + +<p>The next morning, for once in a way, we were up to +time. Two minutes after the quarter we were all six +in the car, and it was not yet nine o'clock when Jonah +pulled up in the shade of a mighty oak less than a +hundred paces from the tall iron gates which stood +gaunt, rusty and forbidding, to mar the beauty of the +quiet by-road.</p> + +<p>So far as we could see there was no one about, but +we were anxious not to attract attention, so Berry and +I alighted and strolled casually forward.</p> + +<p>The object of our visit was, of course, to learn from +the board in whose hands the property had been placed +for sale. But we had decided that, if it were possible, we +must effect an entrance, to see whether the turf about +the sundial had been disturbed. Moreover, if we could +get Adèle inside, it would be highly interesting to see +whether she recognized the place.</p> + +<p>Wired on to the mouldering gates, a weather-beaten +board glared at us.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +<i>FREEHOLD<br /> +with immediate possession<br /> +TO BE SOLD<br /> +This Very Desirable<br /> +OLD-WORLD MANSION<br /> +Standing in three acres of pleasure grounds<br /> +And only requiring certain structural repairs<br /> +To be made an ideal modern residence.<br /> +F. R. MILLER, Estate Agent, High St., Brooch.</i><br /> +</p> + +<p>Considering that the house had been gutted nearly +twenty years ago, and had stood as the fire had left +it from then until now, the advertisement was euphemistic.</p> + +<p>By dint of peering between the corrupted bars, it +was possible to see for ourselves the desolation. A press +of nettles crowded about the scorched and blackened +walls, square gaping mouths, that had been windows, +showed from the light within that there was no roof, +while here and there charred timbers thrust their +unsightly way from out of a riot of brambles, wild and +disorderly. What we could see of the garden was a very +wilderness. Tall rank grass flourished on every side, +carriage-way and borders alike had been blotted into a +springing waste, and the few sprawling shrubs which +we could recognize hardly emerged from beneath the +choking smother of luxuriant bindweed.</p> + +<p>The gates were chained and padlocked. But they +were not difficult to scale, and in a moment Berry and I +were over and standing knee-deep in the long wet grass.</p> + +<p>Stealthily we made our way to the back of the +house....</p> + +<p>The sundial was just visible. The grass of what had +once been a trim lawn rose up about the heavy pedestal, +coarse and tumultuous. But it was untouched. No +foot of man or beast had trodden it—lately, at any rate.</p> + +<p>Simultaneously we heaved sighs of relief.</p> + +<p>Then—</p> + +<p>"Adèle'll never recognize this," said Berry. "It's +hopeless. What she saw was a lawn, not a prairie." I +nodded. "Still," he went on, "there used to be a door +in the wall—on the east side." As he spoke, he turned +and looked sharply at the haggard building. "Thought +I heard something," he added.</p> + +<p>"Did you?"</p> + +<p>I swung on my heel, and together we stared and +listened. Eyes and ears alike went unrewarded. The +silence of desolation hung like a ragged pall, gruesome +and deathly....</p> + +<p>Without a word we passed to the east of the ruin. +After a little we came to the door in the wall. Here was +no lock, and with a little patience we drew the bolts and +pulled the door open. It gave on to a little lane, which +ran into the by-road at a point close to where the others +were waiting.</p> + +<p>I left Berry and hastened back to the car.</p> + +<p>Exclamations of surprise greeted my issuing from the +lane, and I could read the same unspoken query in four +faces at once.</p> + +<p>"We're first in the field so far," I said. There was +a gasp of relief. "Come along. We've found a way +for you."</p> + +<p>Adèle and Jill were already out of the car. Daphne +and Jonah made haste to alight.</p> + +<p>"Think we can leave her?" said Jonah, with a nod +at the Rolls.</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes. We shan't be a minute."</p> + +<p>Hurriedly we padded back the way I had come. +Berry was still at the door, and in silence we followed +him to where he and I had stood looking and listening +a few minutes before.</p> + +<p>"O-o-oh!" cried Jill, in an excited whisper.</p> + +<p>"What about it, Adèle?" said Berry.</p> + +<p>Adèle looked about her, knitting her brows. Then—</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid to say anything," she said. "It may be +the place I sat. I can't say it isn't. But it's so +altered. I think, if the grass was cut...."</p> + +<p>"What did I say?" said my brother-in-law.</p> + +<p>"But the pedestal was exactly that height. That I'll +swear. And it stood on a step."</p> + +<p>"What did the words look like?" said I.</p> + +<p>"They were carved in block letters on the side of the +cornice."</p> + +<p>As carefully as I could, I stepped to the sundial. As +I came up to it, my foot encountered a step....</p> + +<p>The column was unusually massive, and the dial +must have been two feet square. Lichened and weather-beaten, +an inscription upon the cornice was yet quite +easy to read.</p> + +<p class="blockquot">PEREUNT ET IMPUTANTUR</p> + +<p>And the words were carved in block lettering....</p> + +<p>A buzz of excitement succeeded my report. Then +Daphne turned quickly and looked searchingly at the +house.</p> + +<p>"I feel as if we were being watched," she said, +shuddering. "Let's get back to the car."</p> + +<p>As Jonah followed the girls into the lane—</p> + +<p>"What about bolting the door?" said I.</p> + +<p>Berry shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Doesn't matter," he said. "Any way, we've trodden +the grass down. Besides, there's nothing to hide."</p> + +<p>We dragged the door to and hastened after the others.</p> + +<p>As we climbed into the car, Jonah started the engine.</p> + +<p>"What are the orders?" he said. "Is Miller the +agent? You never said."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said I. "We'd better go straight to Brooch."</p> + +<p>Our way lay past the main entrance of The Lawn.</p> + +<p>As we approached this, Jonah exclaimed and set his +foot on the brake.</p> + +<p>Leaning against the wall was a bicycle, and there was +a man's figure busy about the gates. He appeared to +be climbing over....</p> + +<p>As we came up alongside, he looked at us curiously. +Then he went on with his work.</p> + +<p>A moment later he slid a pair of pliers into his pocket +and, wringing the board clear of its fastenings, lowered +it to the ground.</p> + +<p>We were too late.</p> + +<p>The Lawn was no longer for sale.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Our chagrin may be imagined more easily than it can +be described.</p> + +<p>We returned to White Ladies in a state of profound +depression, alternately cursing Vandy and upbraiding +ourselves for not having sent for the book upon the +evening of the day of our visit to Broken Ash.</p> + +<p>Jonah reproached himself bitterly for giving our +cousin the benefit of his detective work, although both +Daphne and I were positive that Vandy had identified +the pedestal from Adèle's description before Jonah had +volunteered the suggestion that it was a sundial.</p> + +<p>As for Adèle, she was inconsolable.</p> + +<p>It was after lunch—a miserable meal—when we were +seated upon the terrace, that Berry cleared his throat +and spoke wisely and to the point.</p> + +<p>"The milk's spilt," he said, "and that's that. So +we may as well dry our eyes. With that perishing +motto staring us in the face, we might have had the +sense to be a bit quicker off the mark. But it's always +the obvious that you never see. Vandy's beaten us by a +foul, but there ain't no stewards to appeal to, so we've +got to stick it. All the same, he's got some digging to +do before he can draw the money, and I'm ready to lay a +monkey that he does it himself. What's more, the last +thing he'll want is to be disturbed. In fact, any interference +with his work of excavation will undoubtedly +shorten his life. Properly organized innocent interference +will probably affect his reason. Our course of +action is therefore clear.</p> + +<p>"Unable to procure his beastly book—our copy cannot +be found—we have forgotten the incident. It comes to +our ears that he has bought The Lawn and is in possession. +What more natural than that some of us +should repair thither, to congratulate him upon becoming +our neighbour? We shall roll up quite casually—by +way of the door in the wall—and, when we find him +labouring, affect the utmost surprise. Of our good +nature we might even offer to help him to—er—relay +the lawn or tackle the drains, or whatever he's doing. +In any event we shall enact the <i>rôle</i> of the village idiot, +till between the respective gadflies of suspicion—which +he dare not voice—and impatience—which he dare not +reveal—he will be goaded into a condition of frenzy. +What about it?"</p> + +<p>The idea was heartily approved, and we became more +cheerful.</p> + +<p>Immediate arrangements were made for the entrance +to The Lawn to be watched for the next twenty-four +hours by reliefs of out-door servants whom we could +trust, and instructions were issued that the moment +Mr. Vandy Pleydell put in an appearance, whether by +day or night, we were to be informed.</p> + +<p>At eight o'clock the next morning Berry came into my +room.</p> + +<p>"They're off," he said. "Thirty-five minutes ago +Vandy and Emma and May arrived, unaccompanied, in +a four-wheeled dogcart. He'd got the key of the gates, +but the difficulty of getting them open single-handed +appears to have been titanic. They seem to have +stuck, or something. Altogether, according to James, +a most distressing scene. However. Eventually they +got inside and managed to shut the gates after them. +In the dogcart there was a scythe and a whole armoury +of tools."</p> + +<p>I got out of bed and looked at him.</p> + +<p>"After breakfast?" I queried.</p> + +<p>My brother-in-law nodded.</p> + +<p>"I think so. We'll settle the premises as we go."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>As we were approaching The Lawn, I looked at my +watch. It was just a quarter to ten.</p> + +<p>The little door in the wall was still unbolted, and a +very little expenditure of energy sufficed to admit my +brother-in-law, Nobby, and myself into the garden.</p> + +<p>So far as the Sealyham was concerned, 'the Wilderness +was Paradise enow.' Tail up, he plunged into the +welter of grass, leaping and wallowing and panting with +surprise and delight at a playground which surpassed +his wildest dreams. For a moment we watched him +amusedly. Then we pushed the door to and started to +saunter towards the house.</p> + +<p>It was a glorious day, right at the end of August. +Out of a flawless sky the sun blazed, broiling and +merciless. There was nowhere a breath of wind, and in +the sheltered garden—always a sun-trap—the heat was +stifling.</p> + +<p>As we drew near, the sound of voices, raised in bitterness, +fell upon our ears, and we rounded the corner of +the building to find Vandy waist-high in the grass about +the sundial, shaking a sickle at his sisters, who were +seated upon carriage cushions, which had been laid +upon the flags, and demanding furiously "how the devil +they expected him to reap with a sweeping motion when +the god-forsaken lawn was full of molehills."</p> + +<p>"Quite right," said Berry. "It can't be done."</p> + +<p>Emma and May screamed, and Vandy jumped as if +he had been shot. Then, with a snarl, he turned to +face us, crouching a little, like a beast at bay. Before +he could utter a word, Berry was off.</p> + +<p>Advancing with an air of engaging frankness, which +would have beguiled the most hardened cynic, he let +loose upon our cousin a voluminous flood of chatter, +which drowned his protests ere they were mouthed, +overwhelmed his inquiries ere they were launched, and +finally swept him off his feet into the whirlpool of +uncertainty, fear and bewilderment before he knew +where he was.</p> + +<p>We had only just heard of his purchase, were delighted +to think we were to be neighbours, had had no idea he +was contemplating a move, had always said what a jolly +little nook it was, never could understand why it had +been in the market so long, thought we might find him +here taking a look round, wanted to see him, so decided +to kill two birds with one stone.... What about the +jolly old book? Had it come back from the binders? +We couldn't find ours, thought it must be in Town.... +The girls were devilling the life out of him to look it up. +Was it William or Nicholas? He thought it was William. +Hadn't Vandy said it was William? What was +the blinking use, any old way? And what a day I +He'd got a bet with Jonah that the thermometer touched +ninety-seven before noon. What did Vandy think? +And what on earth was he doing with the pruning-hook? +And/or ploughshare on his left front? Oh, a scythe. +Of course. Wouldn't he put it down? It made him +tired to look at it. And was he reclaiming the lawn? +Or only looking for a tennis-ball? Of course, what he +really wanted was a cutter-and-binder, a steam-roller, +and a gang of convicts....</p> + +<p>I had been prepared to support the speaker, but, +after three minutes of this, I left his side and sat down +on the flags.</p> + +<p>At last Berry paused for breath, and Emma, who had +hurriedly composed and been rehearsing a plausible +appreciation of the state of affairs, and was fidgeting +to get it off her chest, thrust her way into the gap.</p> + +<p>Well, the truth was, they were going to take up French +gardening. There was no room at Broken Ash, and, +besides, they must have a walled garden. Building +nowadays was such a frightful expense, and suddenly +they'd thought of The Lawn. It was sheltered, just the +right size, not too far away, and all they had to do was +to clear the ground. And Vandy was so impatient +that nothing would satisfy him but to start at once. +"He'll get tired of it in a day or two," she added +artlessly, "but you know what he is."</p> + +<p>For an improvised exposition of proceedings so +extraordinary, I thought her rendering extremely +creditable.</p> + +<p>So, I think, did Vandy, for he threw an approving +glance in her direction, heaved a sigh of relief, and +screwed up his mouth into a sickly smile.</p> + +<p>"Took up gardening during the War," he announced. +"I—we all did. Any amount of money in it. Quite +surprised me. But," he added, warming to his work, +"it's the same with gardening as with everything else +In this world. The most valuable asset is the personal +element. If you want a thing well done, do it yourself. +Ha! Ha!"</p> + +<p>My brother-in-law looked round, regarding the howling +riot of waste.</p> + +<p>"And where," he said, "shall you plant the asparagus?"</p> + +<p>Vandy started and dropped the sickle. Then he gave +a forced laugh.</p> + +<p>"You must give us a chance," he said. "We've +got a long way to go before we get to that. All +this"—he waved an unbusiness-like arm, and his +voice faltered—"all this has got to be cleared +first."</p> + +<p>"I suppose it has," said Berry. "Well, don't mind +us. You get on with it. Short of locusts or an earthquake, +it's going to be a long job. I suppose you +couldn't hire a trench-mortar and shell it for a couple +of months?"</p> + +<p>Apparently Vandy was afraid to trust his voice, for, +after swallowing twice, he recovered the sickle and +started to hack savagely at the grass without another +word.</p> + +<p>With the utmost deliberation, Berry seated himself +upon the flagstones and, taking out his case, selected a +cigarette. With an equally leisurely air I produced a +pipe and tobacco, and began to make ready to smoke. +Our cousins regarded these preparations with an uneasiness +which they ill concealed. Clearly we were not +proposing to move. The silence of awkwardness and +frantically working brains settled upon the company. +From time to time Emma and May shifted uncomfortably. +As he bent about his labour, Vandy's eyes bulged +more than ever....</p> + +<p>Nobby, whom I had forgotten, suddenly reappeared, +crawling pleasedly from beneath a tangled stack of +foliage, of which the core appeared to have been a +rhododendron. For a moment he stared at us, as if +surprised at the company we kept. Then his eyes fell +upon Vandy.</p> + +<p>Enshrined in the swaying grass, the latter's knickerbockers, +which had been generously fashioned out of a +material which had been boldly conceived, presented a +back view which was most arresting. With his head +on one side, the terrier gazed at them with such inquisitive +astonishment that I had to set my teeth so as not to +laugh outright. His cautious advance to investigate the +phenomenon was still more ludicrous, and I was quite +relieved when our cousin straightened his back and +dissipated an illusion monstrously worthy of the pen of +Mandeville.</p> + +<p>But there was better to come.</p> + +<p>As the unwitting Vandy, after a speechless glance in +our direction, bent again to his work, Nobby cast an +appraising eye over the area which had already received +attention. Perceiving a molehill which had suffered an +ugly gash—presumably from a scythe—he trotted up to +explore, and, clapping his nose to the wound, snuffed +long and thoughtfully. The next moment he was digging +like one possessed.</p> + +<p>Emma and May stiffened with a shock. With the tail +of my eye I saw them exchange horror-stricken glances. +Panic fear sat in their eyes. Their fingers moved +convulsively. Then, with one consent, they began to +cough....</p> + +<p>Their unconscious brother worked on.</p> + +<p>So did the Sealyham, but with a difference. While +the one toiled, the other was in his element. A shower +of earth flew from between his legs, only ceasing for a +short moment, when he preferred to rend the earth +with his jaws and so facilitate the excavation.</p> + +<p>The coughing became insistent, frantic, impossible to +be disregarded....</p> + +<p>As I was in the act of turning to express my concern +Vandy looked up, followed the direction of four starting +eyes, and let out a screech of dismay.</p> + +<p>"What on earth's the matter?" cried Berry, getting +upon his feet. "Been stung, or something?"</p> + +<p>With a trembling forefinger Vandy indicated the +miscreant.</p> + +<p>"Stop him!" he yelled. "Call him off. He'll-he'll +spoil the lawn."</p> + +<p>"Ruin it," shrilled Emma.</p> + +<p>"Where?" said Berry blankly. "What lawn?"</p> + +<p>"<i>This</i> lawn!" roared Vandy, stamping his foot.</p> + +<p>"But I thought——"</p> + +<p>"I don't care what you thought. Call the brute off. +It's my land, and I won't have it."</p> + +<p>"Nobby," said Berry, "come off the bowling green."</p> + +<p>Scrambling to my feet, I countersigned the order in +a peremptory tone. Aggrievedly the terrier complied. +My brother-in-law turned to Vandy with an injured +air.</p> + +<p>"I fear," he said stiffly, "that we are unwelcome." +Instinctively Emma and May made as though they +would protest. In some dignity Berry lifted his hand. +"I may be wrong," he said. "I hope so. But from +the first I felt that your manner was strained. Subsequent +events suggest that my belief was well founded." +He turned to Vandy. "May I ask you to let us out? +I am reluctant to trouble you, but to scale those gates +twice in one morning is rather more than I care about."</p> + +<p>Fearful lest our surprise at our reception should +become crystallized into an undesirable suspicion, short +of pressing us to remain, our cousins did everything to +smooth our ruffled plumage.</p> + +<p>Vandy threw down the sickle and advanced with an +apologetic leer. Emma and May, wreathed in smiles, +protested nervously that they had known the work was +too much for Vandy, and begged us to think no more of +it. As we followed the latter round to the quondam +drive, they waved a cordial farewell.</p> + +<p>The sight of the four-wheeled dogcart, standing with +upturned shafts, a pickaxe, three shovels, a rake, two +forks, a number of sacks, and a sieve piled anyhow by its +side, was most engaging; but, after bestowing a casual +glance upon the paraphernalia, Berry passed by without +a word. Vandy went a rich plum colour, hesitated, and +then plunged on desperately. Tethered by a halter to +a tree, a partially harnessed bay mare suspended the +process of mastication to fix us with a suspicious stare. +Her also we passed in silence.</p> + +<p>After a blasphemous struggle with the gates, whose +objection to opening was literally rooted and based upon +custom, our host succeeded in forcing them apart +sufficiently to permit our egress, and we gave him +"Good day."</p> + +<p>In silence we strolled down the road.</p> + +<p>When we came to the lane, Berry stopped dead.</p> + +<p>"Brother," he said, "I perceive it to be my distasteful +duty to return. There is an omission which I must +repair."</p> + +<p>"You're not serious?" said I. "The fellow'll +murder you."</p> + +<p>"No, he won't," said Berry. "He'll probably burst +a blood-vessel, and, with luck, he may even have a +stroke. But he won't murder me. You see." And, +with that, he turned down the lane towards the door in +the wall.</p> + +<p>Nobby and I followed.</p> + +<p>A moment later we were once more in the garden.</p> + +<p>The scene upon which we came was big with promise.</p> + +<p>Staggering over the frantic employment of a pickaxe, +Vandy was inflicting grievous injury upon the turf +about the very spot at which the terrier had been digging. +Standing well out of range, his sisters were +regarding the exhibition with clasped hands and looks +of mingled excitement and apprehension. All three +were so much engrossed that, until Berry spoke, they +were not aware of our presence.</p> + +<p>"I'm so sorry to interrupt you again"—Emma and +May screamed, and Vandy endeavoured to check his +implement in mid-swing, and only preserved his balance +and a whole skin as by a miracle—"but, you know, I +quite forgot to ask you about the book. And, as that +was really our main object in——"</p> + +<p>The roar of a wild beast cut short the speaker.</p> + +<p>Bellowing incoherently, trembling with passion, his +mouth working, his countenance distorted with rage, +Vandy shook his fist at his tormentor in a fit of ungovernable +fury.</p> + +<p>"Get out of it!" he yelled. "Get out of it! I +won't have this intrusion. It's monstrous. I won't +stand it. I tell you——"</p> + +<p>"Hush, Vandy, hush!" implored his sisters in agonized +tones.</p> + +<p>Berry raised his eyebrows.</p> + +<p>"Really," he said slowly, "anybody would think +that you had something to hide."</p> + +<p>Then he turned on his heel.</p> + +<p>I was about to follow his example, when my cousin's +bloodshot eye perceived that Nobby was once more +Innocently investigating the scene of his labour. With a +choking cry our host sprang forward and raised the +pick....</p> + +<p>Unaware of his peril, the dog snuffed on.</p> + +<p>One of the women screamed....</p> + +<p>Desperately I flung myself forward.</p> + +<p>The pick was falling as I struck it aside. Viciously +it jabbed its way into the earth.</p> + +<p>For a long time Vandy and I faced one another, +breathing heavily. I watched the blood fading out of +the fellow's cheeks. At length—</p> + +<p>"Be thankful," said I, "that I was in time. Otherwise——"</p> + +<p>I hesitated, and Vandy took a step backwards and +put a hand to his throat.</p> + +<p>"Exactly," I said.</p> + +<p>Then I plucked the pick from the ground, stepped a +few paces apart, and, taking the implement with both +hands, spun round and threw it from me as if it had +been a hammer.</p> + +<p>It sailed over some lime trees and crashed out of +sight into some foliage.</p> + +<p>Then I called the terrier and strode past my brother-in-law +in the direction of the postern.</p> + +<p>Berry fell in behind and followed me without a word.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"But why," said I, "shouldn't you tell me the day +of your birth? I'm not asking the year."</p> + +<p>"1895," said Adèle.</p> + +<p>I sighed.</p> + +<p>"Why," she inquired, "do you want to know?"</p> + +<p>"So that I can observe the festival as it deserves. +Spend the day at Margate, or go to a cinema, or something. +I might even wear a false nose. You never +know. It's an important date in my calendar."</p> + +<p>"How many people have you said that to?"</p> + +<p>I laughed bitterly.</p> + +<p>"If I told you the truth," I said, "you wouldn't +believe me."</p> + +<p>There was a museful silence.</p> + +<p>It was three days and more since Berry and I had +visited The Lawn, and Vandy and Co. were still at work. +So much had been reported by an under-gardener. For +ourselves, we had finished with our cousins for good and +all. The brutal attack upon our favourite was something +we could not forget, and for a man whom beastly +rage could so much degrade we had no use. Naturally +enough, his sisters went with him. Orders were given +to the servants that to callers from Broken Ash Daphne +was "not at home," and we were one and all determined, +so far as was possible, never to see or communicate +with Vandy or his sisters again. It was natural, +however, that we should be deeply interested in the +success or failure of his venture. We prayed fervently, +but without much hope, that it might fail.... After +all, it was always on the cards that another had stumbled +long since upon the treasure, or that a thief had watched +its burial and later come privily and unearthed it. We +should see.</p> + +<p>"I wonder you aren't ashamed of yourself," said Miss +Feste. "At your age you ought to have sown all your +wild oats."</p> + +<p>"So I have," I said stoutly. "And they weren't at +all wild, either. I've never seen such a miserable crop. +As soon as the sun rose, they all withered away."</p> + +<p>"The sun?"</p> + +<p>I turned and looked at her. The steady brown eyes +held mine with a searching look. I met it faithfully. +After a few seconds they turned away.</p> + +<p>"The sun?" she repeated quietly.</p> + +<p>"The sun, Adèle. The sun that rose in America in +1895. Out of the foam of the sea. I can't tell you the +date, but it must have been a beautiful day."</p> + +<p>There was a pause. Then—</p> + +<p>"How interesting!" said Adèle. "So it withered +them up, did it?"</p> + +<p>I nodded.</p> + +<p>"You see, Adèle, they had no root."</p> + +<p>"None of them?"</p> + +<p>"None."</p> + +<p>Adèle looked straight ahead of her into the box-hedge, +which rose, stiff and punctilious, ten paces away, the +counterpart of that beneath which we were sitting. +For once in a way, her merry smile was missing. In +its stead Gravity sat in her eyes, hung on the warm red +lips. I had known her solemn before, but not like this. +The proud face looked very resolute. There was a +strength about the lift of the delicate chin, a steadfast +fearlessness about the poise of the well-shaped head—unworldly +wonders, which I had never seen. Over the +glorious temples the soft dark hair swept rich and +lustrous. The exquisite column of her neck rose from +her flowered silk gown with matchless elegance. Her +precious hands, all rosy, lay in her lap. Crossed legs +gave me twelve inches of slim silk stocking and a satin +slipper, dainty habiliments, not half so dainty as their +slender charge....</p> + +<p>The stable clock struck the half-hour.</p> + +<p>Half-past six. People had been to tea—big-wigs—and +we were resting after our labours. It was the +perfect evening of a true summer's day.</p> + +<p>Nobby appeared in the foreground, strolling unconcernedly +over the turf and pausing now and again to +snuff the air or follow up an odd clue of scent that led +him a foot or so before it died away and came to nothing.</p> + +<p>"How," said Adèle slowly, "did you come by +Nobby?"</p> + +<p>Painfully distinct, the wraith of Josephine Childe +rose up before me, pale and accusing. Fragments of +the letter which had offered me the Sealyham re-wrote +themselves upon my brain.... <i>It nearly breaks my +heart to say so, but I've got to part with Nobby.... I +think you'd get on together ... if you'd like to have him.</i> +... And there was nothing in it. It was a case of +smoke without fire. But—I could have spared the +question just then....</p> + +<p>Desperately I related the truth.</p> + +<p>"A girl called Josephine Childe gave him to me. +She wanted to find a home for him, as she was going +overseas."</p> + +<p>"Oh."</p> + +<p>The silence that followed this non-committal remark +was most discomfiting. I had a feeling that the moments +were critical, and—they were slipping away. Should I +leap into the tide of explanation? That way, perhaps, +lay safety. Always the quicksand of <i>Qui s'excuse, +s'accuse</i>, made me draw back. I became extremely +nervous.... Feverishly I tried to think of a remark +which would be natural and more or less relevant, and +would pilot us into a channel of conversation down +which we could swim with confidence. Of all the legion +of topics, the clemency of the weather alone occurred +to me. I could have screamed....</p> + +<p>The firebrand itself came to my rescue.</p> + +<p>Tired of amusing himself, the terrier retrieved an old +ball from beneath the hedge and, trotting across the +sward, laid it down at my feet.</p> + +<p>Gratefully I picked it up and flung it for him to +fetch.</p> + +<p>It fell into a thick welter of ivy which Time had built +into a bulging buttress of greenery against the old grey +wall at the end of the walk.</p> + +<p>The dog sped after it, his short legs flying....</p> + +<p>The spell was broken, and I felt better.</p> + +<p>"You mustn't think he's a root, though," I said +cheerfully, "because he isn't. When did you say your +birthday was?"</p> + +<p>"I didn't," said Adèle. "Still, if you must know, +I was born on August the thirtieth."</p> + +<p>"To-day! Oh, Adèle. And I've nothing for you +Except...." I hesitated, and my heart began to +beat very fast. "But I'd be ashamed—I mean...." +My voice petered out helplessly. I braced myself +for a supreme effort....</p> + +<p>An impatient yelp rang out.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with Nobby?" said Adèle in a +voice I hardly recognized.</p> + +<p>"Fed up, 'cause I've lost his ball for him," said I, +and, cowardly glad of a respite, I rose and stepped to +the aged riot of ivy, where the terrier was searching for +his toy.</p> + +<p>I pulled a hole in the arras and peered through.</p> + +<p>There was more space than I had expected. The +grey wall bellied away from me.</p> + +<p>"What's that?" said Adèle, looking over my +shoulder.</p> + +<p>"What?" said I.</p> + +<p>"There. To the right."</p> + +<p>It was dark under the ivy, so I thrust in a groping +arm.</p> + +<p>Almost at once my hand encountered the smooth +edge of masonry.</p> + +<p>I took out a knife and ripped away some trails, so +that we could see better.</p> + +<p>There was nothing to show that the pedestal which +my efforts revealed had ever supported a statue. But +it was plain that such was the office for which it had +been set up. Presumably it was one of the series which, +according to Vandy's book, had displayed imaginative +effigies of the Roman Emperors, and had been done away +in 1710. The inscription upon the cornice upheld this +conclusion.</p> + +<p class="blockquot">PERTINAX IMPERATOR.</p> + +<p>I looked at Adèle.</p> + +<p>"PER ... IMP ..." said I. "Does the cap fit?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," she said simply. "That's right. I remember +it perfectly. The other seemed likely, but I was +never quite sure." Trembling a little, she turned and +looked round. "And you came out of that break in +the hedge with the tomato, and——Oh!"</p> + +<p>She stopped, and the colour came flooding into her +cheeks....</p> + +<p>Then, in a flash, she turned and sped down the alley +like a wild thing. As in a dream, I watched the tall +slim figure dart out of sight....</p> + +<p>A second impatient yelp reminded me that Nobby was +still waiting.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The firm of silversmiths whom we employed to clean +the collection, after it had been disinterred, valued it +for purposes of insurance at twenty-two thousand +pounds.</p> + +<p>We saw no reason to communicate with Vandy. The +exercise was probably doing him good, and he had shown +a marked antipathy to interruption. A tent had been +pitched at The Lawn, and the work of excavation went +steadily on. Not until the twenty-eighth of September +did it suddenly cease.</p> + +<p>Three days later we had occasion to drive into +Brooch. We returned by way of The Lawn. As we +approached the entrance, I slowed up....</p> + +<p>From the tall gates a brand-new board flaunted its +black and white paint.</p> + +<p>But the legend it bore was the same.</p> + +<p>Mr. Miller was evidently a Conservative.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI</h2> + +<p>HOW NOBBY MET BLUE BANDALA, AND ADÈLE GAVE +JONAH A KISS.<br /></p> + + +<p><span class="firstletter">"L</span>isten to this," said Berry.</p> + +<p class="blockquot">"<i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span>—Shortly before six o'clock this evening an +extremely valuable Chow, by name Blue Bandala, which I +purchased last March for no less a sum than six hundred +pounds, was brutally attacked in Bilberry village by a +rough-haired mongrel, which was accompanying two girls. +I am given to understand that this animal belongs to you. I +was at first determined to issue a summons, but I have now +decided to give you a chance before doing so. If it amuses +you to keep such a cur about your house, there is nothing to +prevent you from so doing. But you must understand +that once it leaves your property it must be under proper +and effective control, and if it ever attacks a dog of +mine again, I shall either destroy it upon the spot or apply +to the Bench for its destruction. I may say that Blue +Bandala is not only very well bred, but a very quiet and +friendly dog, and was in no way to blame for what occurred.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Herbert Bason.</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">B. Pleydell,</span> White Ladies.</i>"</p> + +<p>The explosion which the reading of this letter provoked +is indescribable.</p> + +<p>"It's a lie!" cried Jill in a choking voice. "It's +a beastly lie. His dog started it. Nobby would never +have touched him. He wasn't paying any attention. +The Chow came up from behind and just fell upon him. +And how dare he say he's a mongrel? It's just one lie +after another, isn't it, Adèle?"</p> + +<p>"It's outrageous," said Miss Feste. "Directly I +saw the other dog I thought he meant mischief, but +before I could tell Jill, he'd started in. Nobby didn't +even know he was there."</p> + +<p>The door opened, and dinner was announced.</p> + +<p>"Falcon," said Berry.</p> + +<p>"Sir," said the butler.</p> + +<p>"Who brought this note?"</p> + +<p>"It was a chauffeur, sir. I don't know 'im by sight, +sir."</p> + +<p>We filed out of the library, smouldering with resentment.</p> + +<p>"But what an awful man he must be," said Daphne. +"Even if our dog had been in the wrong, that's no +reason for writing a letter like that."</p> + +<p>"It's unpardonable," said I. "It's quite bad enough +to have him living in the neighbourhood, but if this is +the way he's going to behave...." I turned to +Adèle. "Was his manner very bad at the time?"</p> + +<p>"He seemed more rattled than anything else. He +was clearly afraid to interfere. Jill and I got them +apart, as I told you. He got very red in the face, but +beyond muttering with his teeth clenched, he never +said a word."</p> + +<p>"Must have gone straight home and got it off his +chest," said Jonah. "I expect he's awfully proud of +that letter, if the truth were known."</p> + +<p>"Well, don't let's dwell on it," said Berry, regarding +the oysters which had been set before him. "After +dinner will do. You hardly ever go down with typhoid +within six hours." He turned to Adèle. "Bet you +I've got more strepsicocci than you have," he added +pleasantly.</p> + +<p>"Shut up," said Daphne. "Adèle dear, d'you like +oysters? Because, don't you eat them if you don't."</p> + +<p>"No, don't," said Berry. "If you don't, whatever +you do, don't. And whatever you don't, I will."</p> + +<p>Adèle looked at him with a mischievous smile.</p> + +<p>"I couldn't bear," she said, "to have your blood +on my head."</p> + +<p>Then she glanced gratefully at Daphne and picked +up a fork.</p> + +<p>Mr. Herbert Bason had arisen out of the cloud of +War. The time had produced the man. The storm +had burst just in the nick of time to save the drooping +theatrical interests which he controlled, and the fruit +which these had borne steadily for the best part of five +long years had been truly phenomenal. A patriot to +the backbone, the bewildered proprietor obtained +absolute exemption from the Tribunal, turned the +first six rows of all his pits into stalls, and bought War +Loan with both hands. It was after the second air-raid +upon London that he decided to take a house in the +country.... Less than a year ago he had disposed of +his music-halls and had settled near Bilberry for +good.</p> + +<p>"By the way," said Daphne, "did I tell you? The +laundry's struck."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said her husband, "for that phrase."</p> + +<p>"Don't mention it," said my sister. "But I thought +you'd like to know. Heaven knows when they'll go +back, so I should go easy with your stiff collars and +shirts."</p> + +<p>"What, have the saws stopped working?" said +Berry. "I can't bear it."</p> + +<p>"What about my trousers?" said I. "I've only +one clean pair left."</p> + +<p>Daphne shrugged her white shoulders.</p> + +<p>"What about my tablecloths?" she replied.</p> + +<p>Berry addressed himself to Adèle.</p> + +<p>"We live in pleasant times, do not we? Almost +a golden age. I wonder what the trouble is now. Probably +some absent-minded <i>blanchisseuse</i> has gone and +ironed twenty socks in ten minutes instead of ten socks +in twenty minutes, without thinking. And the management +refuse to sack her for this grievous lapse into the +slough of pre-War Industry, out of which a provident +Trade Union has blackmailed her to climb."</p> + +<p>"I've no doubt you're right," said I. "The question +is, where are we going to end? It's the same everywhere. +And the mere thought of Income Tax sends +my temperature up."</p> + +<p>"Ah," said Berry. "I had a quiet hour with the +Book of the Words, issued by that Fun Palace, Somerset +House, this afternoon. <i>Income Tax, and How to +Pay it.</i> Commonly styled, with unconscious humour, +The Income Tax Return. By the time I was through +I had made out that, if I render a statement according +to the printed instructions, my tax will exceed my +income by one hundred and forty-four pounds. If, +on the other hand, I make an incorrect return, I shall +be fined fifty pounds and treble the tax payable. You +really don't get a look in."</p> + +<p>"If you say much more," groaned Jonah, "you'll +spoil my appetite. When I reflect that in 1913 and a +burst of piety I sent the Chancellor of the Exchequer +a postal order for eight and sixpence by way of Conscience +Money, I feel positively sick."</p> + +<p>"Not piety," corrected my brother-in-law. "Drink. +I remember you had some very bad goes about then."</p> + +<p>"What a terrible memory you have!" said Adèle. +"I feel quite uneasy."</p> + +<p>"Fear not, sweet one," was the reply. "Before I +retail your indiscretions I shall send you a list of them, +with the price of omission clearly marked against each +in red ink. The writing will be all blurred with my +tears." Here Adèle declined a second vegetable. +"There, now. I've gone and frightened you. And +marrow's wonderful for the spine. Affords instant +relief. And you needn't eat the seeds. Spit them over +your left shoulder. That'll bring you luck."</p> + +<p>There was an outraged clamour of feminine protest.</p> + +<p>"I won't have it," said Daphne. "Disgusting +brute!"</p> + +<p>"And that," said Jonah, "is the sodden mountebank +who dares to cast a stone into the limpid pool of my +character. That is the overfed sluggard——"</p> + +<p>"Take this down, somebody," said Berry. "The +words'll scorch up the paper, but never mind. Record +the blasphemy. Capital 'M' for 'mountebank.' +'Sluggard' with an 'H.' And I'm not overfed."</p> + +<p>"You're getting fatter every day," said Jill, gurgling.</p> + +<p>"That's right," said my brother-in-law. "Bay the +old lion. And bring down these grey hairs in——"</p> + +<p>"Talking of mountebanks," said I, "who's going to +Fallow Hill Fair?"</p> + +<p>"Adèle ought to see it," said Daphne. "Why don't +you run her over in the car?"</p> + +<p>"I will, if she'd like to go. It's a real bit of old +England."</p> + +<p>"I agree," said Berry. "What with the cocoa-nut +shies and the steam roundabouts, you'd think you were +back in the Middle Ages. I think I'll come, too."</p> + +<p>"Then you go alone," said I. "I don't forget the +last time you went."</p> + +<p>"What happened?" said Adèle, her eyes lighted +with expectation.</p> + +<p>Berry sighed.</p> + +<p>"It was most unfortunate," he said. "You see, +it was like this. B-behind a b-barrier there was a +b-booth with a lot of b-bottles, at which you were +b-bothered to throw b-balls. If you b-broke three +b-bottles——"</p> + +<p>"This nervous alliteration," interposed Adèle, "is +more than I can b-bear."</p> + +<p>"—you received a guerdon which you were encouraged +to select from a revolting collection of bric-a-brac +which was displayed in all its glory upon an adjacent +stall. Laden with munitions, I advanced to the rails.... +Unhappily, in the excitement of the moment, I +mistook my objective.... It was a most natural error. +Both were arranged in tiers, both were pleading for +destruction."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense," said Daphne. "You did it on purpose. +You know you did. I never saw anything more deliberate +in all my life."</p> + +<p>"Not at all," replied her husband. "I was confused. +A large and critical crowd had collected to watch my +prowess, and I was pardonably nervous."</p> + +<p>"But what happened?" said Adèle.</p> + +<p>"Well," said I, "naturally nobody was expecting +such a move, with the result that the brute got off about +six balls before they could stop him. The execution +among the prizes was too awful. You see, they were +only about six feet away. The owner excepted, the +assembled populace thought it was the funniest thing +they'd ever seen."</p> + +<p>"Yes," chimed in Jill. "And then he turned round +and asked the man how many bottles he'd won."</p> + +<p>"I never was so ashamed," said Daphne. "Of +course the poor man was nearly off his head."</p> + +<p>"And I paid for the damage," said Jonah.</p> + +<p>I looked across at Adèle.</p> + +<p>"So, if he comes with us," I said, "you know what +to expect."</p> + +<p>My lady threw back her head and laughed.</p> + +<p>"I suppose you're to be trusted," she said.</p> + +<p>"Once past the pub," said Berry, "he'll be all right. +But if he says he feels faint outside the saloon-bar, +don't argue with him, but come straight home."</p> + +<p>"At any rate," said Adèle, "I shall have Nobby."</p> + +<p>The reference brought us back to Mr. Bason with a rush.</p> + +<p>In spite of our resolution to eschew the subject, that +gentleman's letter was heatedly discussed for the +remainder of dinner.</p> + +<p>To-day was the third of September, and on the +eleventh a dog-show was to be held at Brooch. I had +not entered Nobby, because I felt that his exhibition +would probably cause us more trouble than the +proceeding was worth. It now occurred to us that Mr. +Bason would almost certainly enter—had probably +long ago entered his precious Chow. Any local +triumph, however petty and easy for a man of means to +procure, would be sure to appeal to one of his calibre, +and the chance, which the show would afford, of +encountering, if not accosting, one or two County +people would be greatly to his relish. Supposing we +did enter Nobby....</p> + +<p>The idea of beating Mr. Bason in the race for first +prize with the "rough-haired mongrel" which "it +amused us to keep about our house" was most appealing.</p> + +<p>As soon as dinner was over, Berry rang up the Secretary.</p> + +<p>Our surmise was correct. Blue Bandala was entered.</p> + +<p>"Well, am I too late to enter a Sealyham?"</p> + +<p>"Not if you do it to-morrow," came the reply.</p> + +<p>"You shall have the particulars before mid-day."</p> + +<p>"Right-oh."</p> + +<p>Berry replaced the receiver.</p> + +<p>"Little Herbert will take the first prize for Chows," +he said. "That can't be helped. But he's entered +his dog for the 'All Comers,' and that's our chance. +If we can't lift that goblet from under his ugly nose, +I'll never smile again."</p> + +<p>"What exactly's 'All Comers'?" said Jill.</p> + +<p>"The best all-round specimen of any breed. Manners, +carriage—everything's taken into consideration."</p> + +<p>"If personality counts," said Jonah, "Nobby'll +romp home."</p> + +<p>I regarded our unconscious representative with an +appraising eye. Supine upon the sofa, with his head +out of sight behind Adèle, there was little to recommend +him as a model of deportment. With a sigh I resumed +the composition of a reply to Mr. Bason's remarkable +letter.</p> + +<p>When I had finished the draft, I gave it to Berry. +The latter read it through, nodding solemn approval. +Then he repaired to the writing-table and copied my +sentences, word for word, on to a sheet of notepaper.</p> + +<p>As he laid down his pen, he rose to his feet.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you what," he said. "If the blighter +replies, and Nobby comes off at the show, we'll send +this correspondence to the local Press."</p> + +<p>"Let's have it," said Jonah.</p> + +<p>Berry handed me the letter, and I read it aloud.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I have received your note.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>As an alloy of misrepresentation of fact, arrogant +bluster and idle menaces, I doubt whether it has ever been +equalled upon this side of the Rhine.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Indeed, its legibility would appear to be its only merit.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Not that I care for your style of handwriting, but in +these degenerate days it is, you will agree, a relief to receive +a letter which can be easily read.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>You did go a bust on Blue Banana, didn't you?</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Pray act upon your first impulse and apply for a +summons. The Bench will not grant your application, +but—again you will agree—it is the effort, and not the +result, which counts.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>It is nice of you to inquire after my Sealyham. He is +none the worse, thanks, and I fancy he made old Blue +Banana sit up.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours faithfully,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Berry Pleydell</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">H. Bason,</span> Esq.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>P.S.—You must forgive me for addressing you as +"Esquire," but it is difficult to break a foolish habit of +courtesy which I formed as a child.</i></p> +<p class="blockquot"><i>B. P.</i></p> + +<p>"Fifteen thirty," cried Adèle, making ready to +serve. "Hullo!" She pointed with her racket over +my shoulder. "Nobby's gone lame."</p> + +<p>I swung on my heel to see the terrier limping +apologetically towards me, and going dead lame upon +the near fore.</p> + +<p>As he came up, I dropped my racket and fell upon +one knee, the better to search for the cause of the +trouble. Carefully I handled the affected limb....</p> + +<p>My fingers came to his toes, and the Sealyham winced. +With a sigh of relief, I laid him upon his back.</p> + +<p>"Got it?" said Adèle.</p> + +<p>I looked up into the beautiful face three inches from +mine.</p> + +<p>"I fancy so." I bent to peer at the small firm foot. +"Yes. Here we are. He's picked up a puncture."</p> + +<p>The next moment I plucked a substantial thorn +from between two strong black toes. A warm red +tongue touched my restraining fingers in obvious +gratitude.</p> + +<p>"Will he be all right?"—anxiously.</p> + +<p>"He shall speak for himself," said I, releasing my +patient.</p> + +<p>With a galvanic squirm the latter regained his feet, +spun into the air, gyrated till I felt dizzy, and then +streaked round the tennis-lawn, his hind feet comically +overreaching his fore, steering a zigzag course with +such inconsequence as suggested that My Lord of +Misrule himself was directing him by wireless.</p> + +<p>It was not worth while finishing our interrupted +game, so we strolled back to the house. At the top of +the stairs we parted, to go and change. Directly after +lunch we were to leave for the fair.</p> + +<p>Six days had elapsed since Nobby's scuffle with the +apple of Mr. Bason's eye. Life had slipped by uneventfully. +The Sealyham had been put upon a strict +diet and was thoroughly groomed three times a day: +my store of clean starched linen had dwindled to one +shirt and two collars, which, distrusting my brother-in-law, +I kept under lock and key: and Mr. Bason +had been stung by our letter into sending a reply which +afforded us the maximum of gratification. It ran as +follows—</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Your insulting letter to hand.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>I stand by every word of my previous letter.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>The sooner, therefore, that you realize that I am not +to be trifled with, the better for all concerned.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>You are evidently one of those people who believe that +impudent bluff will carry them anywhere, and that, with +your birth and upbringing behind you, you can do as you +please. But you are wrong. Among men who are men, +as distinct from pedantic popinjays, you go for nothing. +Pshaw.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Herbert Bason</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">B. Pleydell,</span> Esq.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>P.S.—Be good enough to note that my dog's name is +"Blue Bandala," not "Blue Banana."</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>H. B.</i></p> + +<p>Our reply was dispatched within twenty-four hours.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Sir,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Many thanks for your masterly appreciation of my +character.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>We all think "pedantic popinjays" simply splendid. +Is it your own?</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Don't tell old Banana Skin, but I've had the nerve to +enter my Sealyham for the "All Comers" event at +Brooch.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>So glad you're not to be trifled with. Selah.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours faithfully,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Berry Pleydell</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>H. <span class="smcap">Bason,</span> Esq.</i></p> + +<p>In two days' time we should meet at Philippi.</p> + +<p>It must be confessed that there were moments when +we remembered our precipitancy in some uneasiness. +Nobby was well bred, but he had not cost six hundred +pounds. Always he looked his best, and his best was +extremely good. His many excellent points were set +off by a most attractive air and a singular charm and +sprightliness of manner. Every movement and pose +was full of grace, and he had the brightest eyes that I +have ever seen. But Blue Bandala was clearly a +"show" animal. Could our little David beat this +very Goliath among dogs, and that upon the latter's +own ground? Could our little amateur take on a plus-four +professional and beat him at his own game? There +was no manner of doubt that angels would at least +have walked delicately where we had rushed in. +However, it was too late now. Even if we would, we +could not draw back. Beyond doing what we could +to keep him as fit as a fiddle, there was nothing to be +done.</p> + +<p>After a bath I put on a tweed suit, concealed my +discarded and sole surviving pair of white trousers +from the rapacious eye of a random housemaid, and +descended to lunch.</p> + +<p>An hour later Adèle and Nobby and I were all in the +Rolls, sailing along the soft brown roads <i>en route</i> for +Fallow Hill.</p> + +<p>It was a day of great loveliness, and the forest ways +were one and all beset with a rare glory.</p> + +<p>Thirty-six hours before, the first frost of autumn had +touched the breast of Earth with silver finger-tips. +'Twas but a runaway knock. The mischief-loving +knave was gone again, before the bustling dame had +braced herself to open to her pert visitor. Maybe +the rogue was beating up his quarters. The time +of his dreaded lodgment was not yet. His apprehensive +hostess was full of smiles. Summer was +staying on....</p> + +<p>Yet on the livery of the countryside the accolade of +Frost had wrought a wonder. Two days ago the world +was green. To-day a million leaves glanced, green as +before, yet with a new-found lustre—something of +red in it, something of gold, something of sober +brown. But the wonder was not to the trees. It was +the humble bracken that had been dubbed knight. +The homespun of the forest was become cloth of pure +gold, glittering, flawless. In the twinkling of an eye +the change had come. Here was an acre spread with +the delicate fronds, and there a ragged mile, and yonder +but shreds and patches—yet all of magic gold, flinging +the sunlight back, lighting the shadows, making the +humblest ride too rich for kings to trample till the +green roofs and walls looked dull beside it, and the +ephemeral magnificence took Memory by the throat +and wrung a lease of life from that Reversioner.</p> + +<p>"Tell me," I said, "of Mr. Bason. He interests me, +and I've never seen him."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bason," said Adèle, "is short and fat and—yes, +I'm afraid he's greasy. He has bright yellow +hair and a ridiculous moustache, which is brushed up +on end on each side of his nostrils. He has very watery +pale blue eyes, and all the blood in his face seems to +have gone to his nose."</p> + +<p>"Muscular rheumatism," I suggested.</p> + +<p>"I guess so. Of course, he knows best, and I don't +pretend to say what men should wear, but white +flannel suits aren't becoming to every figure, are they? +Most of the rest of him was mauve—shirt, socks and +handkerchief. Oh, and he had a tie on his pin."</p> + +<p>"But how lovely!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, but you should have smelt the lilac. He was +just perfumed to death. If he isn't careful, one of +these days he'll get picked."</p> + +<p>"One of the old school, in fact. Well, well...." +We swept round a corner, and I nodded ahead. "See +that ridge in front of us? Well, that's Fallow Hill. +The village lies close, just on the other side."</p> + +<p>"What are you going to do with the car?" said +Adèle.</p> + +<p>"They'll let me lock her up—don't be shocked—at +the brewery. I know them there."</p> + +<p>"You'll admit it sounds bad."</p> + +<p>"Yes, but it smells lovely. You wait. For that +reason alone, I should vote against Prohibition. The +honest scent of brewing, stealing across the meadows +on a summer eve, is one of the most inspiring things I +know."</p> + +<p>"But what a man!" said Adèle. "'Books in the +running brooks, <i>Virtue in vats</i>, and good in everything.' +Nobby," she added reproachfully, "why didn't you +tell me he was a poet?" The Sealyham put his head on +one side, as if desiring her to repeat the question. +"Oh, you cute thing!" And, with that, my lady +bent and kissed the terrier between the bright brown +eyes.</p> + +<p>I put the wheel over hard, and the car swerved +violently.</p> + +<p>"For Heaven's sake!" cried Miss Feste. "What +are you doing?"</p> + +<p>"It's your fault," said I. "I'm only human. Besides, +he doesn't deserve it."</p> + +<p>Adèle flung me a dazzling smile, made as though she +would say something, and then, apparently changing +her mind, relapsed into a provoking silence....</p> + +<p>A quarter of an hour later the Rolls had been safely +bestowed at the brewery, and my companion and I +were making our way amusedly past booths and tents +and caravans, where chapmen, hucksters, drovers, +cheapjacks, gipsies and bawling showmen wrangled and +chaffered and cried their wares or entertainments, +making with the crude music of the merry-go-rounds +much the same good-humoured uproar which had been +faithfully rendered at the village of Fallow Hill every +September for the last five hundred years.</p> + +<p>"Blessings on your sweet pretty face, my lady!" +cried an old voice.</p> + +<p>We turned to see a very old gipsy, seated a little +apart upon a backless chair, nodding and smiling in our +direction.</p> + +<p>Adèle inclined her head, and I slid a hand into my +pocket.</p> + +<p>"Come hither to me, my lady," piped the old dame, +"and let your man cross my old palm with silver, and +I'll tell you your fortune. Ah, but you have a happy +face."</p> + +<p>Adèle looked at me, and I nodded.</p> + +<p>"They're a good folk," I said, "and you'll get better +stuff for your money than you would in Bond Street. +But don't, if you don't want to."</p> + +<p>My words could not have been heard by the gipsy. +Yet, before Adèle could reply—</p> + +<p>"Aye," she said, "the pretty gentleman's right. +We're a good folk, and there be some among us can see +farther than the dwellers in towns." Adèle started, +and the crone laughed. "Come hither, my lady, and +let me look in your eyes."</p> + +<p>She was an old, old woman, but the snow-white hair +that thrust from beneath her kerchief was not thin: +her face was shrunken and wrinkled, yet apple-cheeked: +and her great sloe-black eyes glowed with a strange +brilliance, as if there were fires kindled deep in the +wasted sockets.</p> + +<p>Adèle stepped forward, when, to my amazement, the +gipsy put up her hands and groped for the girl's shoulders. +The significance of the gesture was plain. She +was stone blind.</p> + +<p>For a while she mumbled, and, since I had not gone +close, I did not hear what she said. But Adèle was +smiling, and I saw the colour come flooding into her +cheeks....</p> + +<p>Then the old dame lifted up her voice and called to +me to come also.</p> + +<p>I went to her side.</p> + +<p>An old gnarled hand fumbled its way on to my arm.</p> + +<p>"Aye," she piped. "Aye. Tis as I thought. +Your man also must lose ere he find. Together ye shall +lose, and together gain. And ye shall comfort one +another."</p> + +<p>The tremulous voice ceased, and the hands slipped +away.</p> + +<p>I gave her money and Adèle thanked her prettily.</p> + +<p>She cried a blessing upon us, I whistled to Nobby, and +we strolled on....</p> + +<p>"Look at that baby," said Adèle. "Isn't he cute?"</p> + +<p>"Half a second," said I, turning and whistling. +"Which baby?"</p> + +<p>"There," said Adèle, pointing. "With the golden +hair."</p> + +<p>A half-naked sun-kissed child regarded us with a shy +smile. It was impossible not to respond....</p> + +<p>Again I turned and whistled.</p> + +<p>"Where can he be?" said Adèle anxiously.</p> + +<p>"Oh, he always turns up," I said. "But, if you don't +mind going back a little way, it'll save time. With all +this noise..."</p> + +<p>We went back a little way. Then we went back a +long way. Then we asked people if they had seen a +little white dog with a black patch. Always the answer +was in the negative. One man laughed and said +something about "a dog in a fair," and Fear began to +knock at my heart. I whistled until the muscles +of my lips ached. Adèle wanted us to search separately, +but I refused. It was not a place for her to wander +alone. Feverishly we sought everywhere. Twice a +white dog sent our hopes soaring, only to prove a +stranger and dash them lower than before. Round and +about and in and out among the booths and swings and +merry-go-rounds we hastened, whistling, calling and +inquiring in vain. Nobby was lost.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>We had intended to be home in time for tea.</p> + +<p>As it was, we got back to White Ladies, pale and +dejected, at a quarter to eight.</p> + +<p>As she rose to get out of the car, Adèle gave a cry and +felt frantically about her neck and throat.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" I cried.</p> + +<p>"My pearls," she said simply. "They're not here."</p> + +<p>For what it was worth, I called for lights, and we took +the cushions out and looked in the car.</p> + +<p>But there was no sign of the necklace. It was clean +gone.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The lamentations with which the news of our misfortunes +was received were loud and exceeding bitter.</p> + +<p>Jill burst into tears; Daphne tried vainly to comfort +her, and then followed her example; Berry and Jonah +vied with each other in gloomy cross-examination of +Adèle and myself concerning our movements since we +had left White Ladies, and in cheerless speculation +with regard to the probable whereabouts of our respective +treasures.</p> + +<p>After a hurried meal the Rolls was again requisitioned, +and all six of us proceeded to Fallow Hill. Not +until eleven o'clock would the fun of the fair be suspended, +and it was better to be on the spot, even if for +the second time we had to come empty away, than to +spend the evening in the torment of inactivity.</p> + +<p>Of the loss of the Sealyham we could speak more +definitely than of that of the necklace. Nobby had +been by my side when the gipsy hailed us, so that there +was no doubt but that he was lost at the fair. Regarding +her pearls, Adèle could speak less positively. In +fact, to say that she had had the necklace before breakfast +that morning was really as far as she could go. +"I know I had it then," she affirmed, "because I always +take it off before taking my bath, and I remember +putting it on afterwards. As luck will have it, I was +rather late this morning, and I couldn't fasten the +safety-chain, so after two or three shots I gave up +trying, intending to do it later on. And this is the +result." She had not bathed again.</p> + +<p>It was a sweet pretty gaud. So perfectly matched +were its hundred and two pearls that many would have +believed it unreal. It had belonged to her great-grandmother, +and was not insured.</p> + +<p>Arrived at Fallow Hill, we went straight to the police. +The loss of the jewels we communicated to them alone. +Somewhat shamefacedly and plainly against Adèle's +will, I described the old gipsy and commended her to +their vigilance. When they learned that she had laid +hands upon Adèle, the two inspectors exchanged glances +which there was no mistaking....</p> + +<p>So far as Nobby was concerned, as well as informing +the police, we enlisted the sympathy of the Boy Scouts. +Also we engaged six rustics to perambulate the fair and +cry the loss of the Sealyham for all to hear. Information +leading to his recovery would be rewarded with the +sum of five pounds, while the crier to whom the communication +was made would receive five more for himself. +Our six employees went about their work with a +will, bellowing lustily. Daphne and Jonah sat in the +car, rejecting the luckless mongrels which were excitedly +paraded before them, one after another, from the +moment that our loss was made known. The rest of +us hunted in couples—Adèle with Berry, and Jill with +me—scouring the maze of temporary alleys and lanes +and crooked quadrangles, till we knew them by heart.</p> + +<p>The merry-go-rounds had stopped whirling, and the +booths were being shrouded or dismantled, as Jill and +I made our way to the car for the last time.</p> + +<p>As we came up—</p> + +<p>"That you, Boy?" cried Daphne. "Here's a +waggoner who thinks he saw Nobby being taken away."</p> + +<p>A little knot of men parted, and Jill and I thrust our +way forward.</p> + +<p>"Oi wouldden be sure," said a deep rough voice, +"but a was a lil white chap of a dog on en' of a string. +'Twas a grume, simly, a-leadin' 'im Brooch way. An' +a didn't want for to go, neither, for a stock toes in, a +did, an' collar was 'alf-way over 'ead. Just come forth +from <i>The Three Bulls</i>, Oi 'ad, oop yonder o' Bear +Lane, an' the toime were nigh three o' the aafternoon."</p> + +<p>We questioned him closely, but he could tell us no +more.</p> + +<p>Slight as the clue was, it was infinitely better than +none at all. If it was indeed Nobby that the waggoner +had seen, the thief was taking him out of the village, +at least in the direction of White Ladies. This was +encouraging. That any one making for the railway +station would take the same road was a less pleasant +reflection.</p> + +<p>I took our informant's name and address and those of +the crier who had brought him to the car. Then we +dispensed some silver, and left for home.</p> + +<p>Of Adèle's necklace we had heard nothing.</p> + +<p>We determined to concentrate upon the recovery of +the pearls upon the following day.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>All through a wretched night the pitiful vacancy at +the foot of my bed reminded me brutally of my loss. +My poor little dog—where was he passing these dark +hours? How many more must drag their way along +before the warm white ball lay curled again in the +crook of my knees? Had he rested there for the last +time? With a groan I thrust the thought from me, +but always it returned, leering hideously. Miserably +I recited his qualities—his love for me, his mettle, +his beauty, his unfailing good humour.... What +naughtiness there was in him seemed very precious. +Painfully I remembered his thousand pretty ways. +He had a trick of waving his little paws, when he +was tired of begging....</p> + +<p>Small wonder that I slept ill and fitfully.</p> + +<p>Early as I was, the others were already at breakfast +when I came down. Only Adèle had not appeared.</p> + +<p>It was a melancholy meal.</p> + +<p>Jonah said not a word, and Berry hardly opened his +mouth. There were dark rings under Jill's grey eyes, +and Daphne looked pale and tired.</p> + +<p>A communication from the Secretary of the Brooch +Dog Show, enclosing a pass for the following day, and +informing me that my Sealyham must arrive at the +Show in the charge of not more than one attendant by +11 a.m., did not tend to revive our drooping spirits. +We had nearly finished, when, with a glance at the +clock, my sister set her foot upon the bell.</p> + +<p>As the butler entered the room—</p> + +<p>"Send up and see if Miss Feste will breakfast upstairs, +Falcon. I think——"</p> + +<p>"Miss Feste has breakfasted, madam."</p> + +<p>"Already?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, madam. Her breakfast was taken to her +before eight o'clock."</p> + +<p>"Where is she?"</p> + +<p>"I think she's out bicycling, madam."</p> + +<p>"Bicycling?"</p> + +<p>The inquiry leapt from five mouths simultaneously.</p> + +<p>"Yes, madam. She sent for me and asked if I could +find 'er a lady's bicycle, an' Greenaway was very 'appy +to lend 'er 'ers, madam. An' Fitch pumped up the +tires, an' she went off about 'alf-past eight, madam."</p> + +<p>We stared at one another in bewilderment.</p> + +<p>"Did she say where she was going?" said Berry.</p> + +<p>"No, sir."</p> + +<p>"All right, Falcon."</p> + +<p>The butler bowed and withdrew.</p> + +<p>Amid the chorus of astonished exclamation, Berry +held up his hand.</p> + +<p>"It's very simple," he said. "She's unhinged."</p> + +<p>"Rubbish," said his wife.</p> + +<p>"The disappearance of Nobby, followed by the loss +of her necklace, has preyed upon her mind. Regardless +alike of my feelings and of the canons of good taste, she +rises at an hour which is almost blasphemous and goes +forth unreasonably to indulge in the most hellish form +of exercise ever invented. What further evidence do +we need? By this time she has probably detached the +lamp from the velocipede and is walking about, saying +she's Florence Nightingale."</p> + +<p>"Idiot," said Daphne.</p> + +<p>"Not yet," said her husband, "but I can feel it coming +on." He cast an eye downward and shivered. +"I feared as much. My left leg is all unbuttoned."</p> + +<p>"For goodness' sake," said his wife, "don't sit there +drivelling——"</p> + +<p>"Sorry," said Berry, "but I haven't got a clean bib +left. This laundry strike——"</p> + +<p>"I said 'drivelling,' not 'dribbling.' You know I +did. And what are we wasting time for? Let's do +something—anything."</p> + +<p>"Right-oh," said her husband. "What about giving +the bread some birds?" And with that he picked up +a loaf and deliberately pitched it out of the window on +to the terrace.</p> + +<p>The fact that the casement was not open until after +the cast, made his behaviour the more outrageous.</p> + +<p>The very wantonness of the act, however, had the +excellent effect of breaking the spell of melancholy +under which we were labouring.</p> + +<p>In a moment all was confusion.</p> + +<p>Jill burst into shrieks of laughter; Jonah, who had +been immersed in <i>The Times</i>, cursed his cousin for the +shock to his nerves; in a shaking voice Daphne assured +the butler, whom the crash had brought running, that +it was "All right, Falcon; Major Pleydell thought the +window was open"; and the delinquent himself was +loudly clamouring to be told whether he had won the +slop-pail outright or had only got to keep it clean for +one year.</p> + +<p>Twenty minutes later Jonah had left for Brooch to +see the Chief Constable about the missing jewels and +arrange for the printing and distribution of an advertisement +for Nobby. The rest of us, doing our utmost +to garnish a forlorn hope with the seasoning of expectation, +made diligent search for the necklace about the +terrace, gardens and tennis-lawn. After a fruitless +two hours we repaired to the house, where we probed +the depths of sofas and chairs, emptied umbrella-stands, +settles, flower-bowls and every other receptacle over +which our guest might have leaned, and finally thrust an +electric torch into the bowels of the piano and subjected +that instrument to a thorough examination.</p> + +<p>At length—</p> + +<p>"I give it up," said Daphne, sinking into a chair. +"I don't think it can be here."</p> + +<p>"Nor I," said I. "I think we've looked everywhere."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Berry. "There's only the cesspool left. +We can drag that before lunch, if you like, but I should +prefer one more full meal before I die."</p> + +<p>"Boy! Boy!"</p> + +<p>Somewhere from behind closed doors a sweet excited +voice was calling.</p> + +<p>I sprang to the door.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Adèle, yes?" I shouted.</p> + +<p>A moment later my lady sped down a passage and into +the hall.</p> + +<p>"Get the car quick. I've found Nobby."</p> + +<p>"Where?" we yelled.</p> + +<p>"That man Bason's got him."</p> + +<p>Her announcement momentarily deprived us of +breath. Then we all started, and in the next two +minutes sufficient was said about the retired music-hall +proprietor to make that gentleman's pendulous ears +burst into blue flame.</p> + +<p>Again want of breath intervened, and Adèle besought +us to make ready the car.</p> + +<p>We explained vociferously that Jonah had taken the +Rolls and would be back any minute. Whilst we were +waiting, would she not tell us her tale?</p> + +<p>Seating herself upon the arm of a chair, she complied +forthwith.</p> + +<p>"None of you seemed to suspect him, and, as I'm +usually wrong, I decided to say nothing. But last +night I asked a Boy Scout where he lived. Curiously +enough, the boy had a brother who was a gardener in +Bason's employ. That made me think. I asked him +whether I could have a word with his brother, and he +told me he lived at a cottage close to his work, and was +almost always at home between nine and half-past in +the morning.</p> + +<p>"When he came home this morning, I was waiting +for him. He seemed a nice man, so I told him the truth +and asked him to help me. Thorn—that's his name—doesn't +like Bason a bit, and at once agreed that he +was quite capable of the dirtiest work, if any one got in +his way. He hadn't, he said, seen Nobby, but that +wasn't surprising. If the dog was there he'd probably +be in the stables, and with those Thorn has nothing to +do.</p> + +<p>"Bason doesn't keep horses, but he uses one of the +coach-houses as a garage. The chauffeur seems to be +rather worse than his master. He's loathed by the +rest of the staff, and, while he and Bason are as thick +as thieves, neither trusts the other an inch.</p> + +<p>"The first thing to do, obviously, was to find out if +Nobby was there. Everything was always kept locked, +so I determined to try the 'Blondel' stunt—yes, I know +a lot of English History—and try and make Coeur de +Lion speak for himself.</p> + +<p>"First we synchronized our watches. Then Thorn +showed me the house and told me exactly where the +garage and stables were—close to the gates, happily. +Then we arranged that in ten minutes' time he should +try to get the chauffeur out of the way, while I took +a look round. More than that we couldn't fix, +but it was understood that, if there was a dog +there and Thorn got an opening, he was to undo +his collar and give him a chance to make good on his +own. That wouldn't involve Thorn, for he could +fasten the collar again and make it look as if Nobby +had slipped it."</p> + +<p>"But what a brain!" said Berry. "One short +month of my society, and the girl——"</p> + +<p>An avalanche of protest cut short the speaker.</p> + +<p>Adèle continued, gurgling.</p> + +<p>"At first everything went all right. At twenty +minutes to ten I put my head round the corner to see +the chauffeur and Thorn disappearing at the other end +of the yard. I stepped out of my cover and had a look +round. There were stables on one side, and a coachhouse +and garage on the other, and the yard, which was +open at both ends, lay in between. I was just going to +try the loose-boxes—I was going to 'miaow' like a cat +and see what answer I got—when I heard Bason's voice +calling Banana....</p> + +<p>"There was only one door open, and that was the +garage. I dashed for it and looked round for somewhere +to hide. The place was as bare as your hand. +But there was nothing the matter with the limousine, so +I got inside and sat down on the floor.</p> + +<p>"I was only just in time.</p> + +<p>"Bason came stamping into the yard, shouting for +'Arthur,' and the next moment Nobby gave tongue.</p> + +<p>"I just had to look.</p> + +<p>"There was Blue Banana with his nose to the door +of the loose-box immediately opposite, snarling and +showing his teeth, Bason was hammering on the door, +yelling 'Shut up, you brute!' and Nobby, of course, +was barking to beat the band."</p> + +<p>As she spoke, a faint familiar cough from the drive +announced the return of Jonah from Brooch.</p> + +<p>In less time than it takes to record, I had flown to +the front-door and put him wise. Two minutes later +we were all in the Rolls, which was scudding at an +unlawful speed along the Fallow Hill road.</p> + +<p>"There's nothing much more to tell," said Adèle, as +we clamoured for her to proceed. "I thought Bason +would never go, and, when at last he did, the chauffeur +took the opportunity of changing the two front tires.</p> + +<p>"For over two hours I sat in that car. At last the +man shut the place up and, I suppose, went to his +dinner.</p> + +<p>"I had meant to borrow the limousine, but he'd +taken the key of the switch, so I couldn't do that. And +I couldn't get at Nobby, for the stable was locked. So +I just pelted back to Thorn's cottage, told his wife to +tell him my news, picked up the bicycle and came right +back."</p> + +<p>For a moment no one said anything. Then—</p> + +<p>"I shall recommend you," said Berry, "for the +Most Excellent Order of the Beer Engine. A very +coveted distinction. The membership is limited to +seven million."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said I, "for a most daring reconnaissance +behind the enemy's lines. You know, this ranks with +the penetration of the Kiel Canal. Seriously, Adèle, +I'm terribly grateful."</p> + +<p>My lady looked at me with a shy smile.</p> + +<p>"What did the gipsy say?" she said. "After all +I'm only obeying orders. And now——"</p> + +<p>A cry from Jonah interrupted her, and the rest of us +started inquiringly as he clapped on the brakes.</p> + +<p>As the car came to a standstill—</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" I cried.</p> + +<p>By way of answer my cousin took off his hat and, +producing a silk handkerchief, deliberately wiped his +forehead with the utmost care. Then he replaced his +hat and looked up and over his right shoulder....</p> + +<p>From the top of a mossy bank by the side of the road +Nobby was regarding us wide-eyed. Apparently he +had broken prison and was on his way home. Time +was nothing to him, and the roots of a wayside beech +upon an attractive rise cried aloud for inspection. +Besides, there was a serious loss of liberty which had to +be made good....</p> + +<p>For a moment rescue-party and prize looked one +another in the face. Then the latter hurled himself +panting into the road and leapt into the arms which I +stretched out of the car.</p> + +<p>No prodigal ever received such an ovation. There was +literally a fight for his person. Jill snatched him from +me and pressed his nose to her face; Berry dragged +him from her protesting arms and set him upon his +knee; Daphne tore him away and hugged him close. +Such of us as were temporarily disseized, stroked and +fondled his limbs and cried endearing epithets. Only +our fair American looked on with a wistful smile.</p> + +<p>"So, you see," she said, "he's done without me, +after all.'"</p> + +<p>I took hold of her hand.</p> + +<p>"My dear," I said, "your argument would be more +forcible if he was wearing a collar."</p> + +<p>There was a buzz of excitement as my statement was +feverishly confirmed.</p> + +<p>"I agree," said Berry. "What's more, he's brought +us a souvenir."</p> + +<p>As he spoke, he plucked something which was adhering +to the terrier's beard.</p> + +<p>It was a tuft of slate-grey hair.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The "All Comers" Event was won by Nobby, who +beat a French bulldog by a short head.</p> + +<p>Neither Blue Bandala nor his owner put in an appearance. +For this a particularly curt note, bluntly +requiring the return of the Sealyham's collar, may have +been responsible.</p> + +<p>The waggoner and the lad who found him received +their rewards.</p> + +<p>So also did Thorn. His letter of acknowledgment +was addressed to Adèle.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">Dear Madam,</span></i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Thank you kindly for the 5 lbs. I got to the dog by +way of the ayloft which were in one of the stalls I undone +is coller and here he run out the first dore as was open and +appening on Blew Bandarlerer did not harf put it acrost +him and Mr. Bason says I command you to seperate them +dogs Arthur he says and Arthur fetches Blew B. one what +he ment for your dog and Mr. Bason fetches him another +what he ment for Arthur so the chough cort it proper.</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Yours respecfully,</i></p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i><span class="smcap">G. Thorn</span>.</i></p> + +<p>But for the loss of the pearls, we should have been +jubilant.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Three days had elapsed since the dog show.</p> + +<p>The whole of the morning and part of the afternoon +I had spent in a bathroom, supervising the disconnection, +severance and inspection of the waste-pipe +which served the basin. When, hot and dejected, I +made my report at half-past three, Adèle thanked me +as prettily as if I had found the pearls.</p> + +<p>I retired to wash and change into flannels.</p> + +<p>It must have been two hours later when I looked +up from the operation of combing Nobby and took my +pipe from my mouth.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Adèle," I said simply, "I do love you so."</p> + +<p>Adèle put out a hand and touched my hair.</p> + +<p>"I'm glad you do," she said gently.</p> + +<p>As I got upon my feet, one end of her necklace hung +trailing over the edge of my trousers where I had +turned them up. They were the pair I had worn at +tennis the day we had gone to the fair, and it must have +fallen into the fold when we were finding the thorn.</p> + +<p>Adèle saw it too, but, when I would have stooped, +she shook her head.</p> + +<p>Then I looked into her eyes, and there found such a +light that I forgot the pearls and the rolling world with +them.</p> + +<p>As she slipped into my arms, she threw back her +head.</p> + +<p>"Once, at Port Said, you kissed me," she whispered. +"And again at Rome." I nodded. "But this is your +own home."</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said steadily. "And here I plight thee my +troth."</p> + +<p>The brown eyes closed, and a glorious smile swept +Into the beautiful face.</p> + +<p>For a moment I gazed at her....</p> + +<p>Then I kissed the red, red lips.</p> + +<p>So we comforted one another.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The unexpected arrival of the laundry van at five +minutes to eight, with, amongst other things, a month's +table-linen, had pardonably dislocated the service of +dinner.</p> + +<p>Whilst the table was being relaid we spent the time +in the library, gathered about the violet-tongued comfort +of a chestnut-root fire.</p> + +<p>"You know," said Jonah, looking up from an armchair, +"if we don't——Good Heavens!" His +exclamation was so violent that we all jumped. +"Why," he cried, staring at Adèle, "you've found +them!"</p> + +<p>A common cry of amazement broke from Daphne, +Berry and Jill, and our guest started guiltily and put +a hand to her throat.</p> + +<p>"O-o-oh, I "—she shot an appealing glance at me— +"we quite forgot. Boy found them in the garden, +whilst he was combing Nobby."</p> + +<p>Berry looked round.</p> + +<p>"You hear?" he said. "They quite forgot.... +They stumble upon jewels worth a month of strike pay—baubles +whose loss has stupefied the County, and +forget to mention it. And I spent two hours this afternoon +in a gas-mask studying the plan of the drains and +calculating whether, if the second manhole was opened +and a gorgonzola put down to draw the fire, Jonah +could reach the grease-trap before he became unconscious." +He raised his eyes to heaven and groaned. +"The only possible excuse," he added, "is that you're +both in...."</p> + +<p>His voice tailed off, as he met Adèle's look, and he +got suddenly upon his feet.</p> + +<p>Jonah stood up, too.</p> + +<p>Daphne took Adèle's hands in hers and turned to me +a face radiant with expectation.</p> + +<p>Jill caught at my sleeve and began to tremble. I +put my arm about her and looked round.</p> + +<p>"We plead that excuse," I said.</p> + +<p>For a moment nobody moved.</p> + +<p>Then Jonah limped to my dear and put her hand to +his lips. Adèle stooped and kissed him.</p> + +<p>"You beautiful darling," breathed my sister. +"Sargent shall paint you, and you shall hang at the +foot of the stairs."</p> + +<p>The two kissed one another tenderly.</p> + +<p>Then Adèle stretched out her white arms to grey-eyed +Jill. My little cousin just clung to her.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Adèle," she whispered, "I'm so glad. B-but +you won't go away? He and you'll stay with us, +won't you?"</p> + +<p>"If you want me, darling."</p> + +<p>Berry cleared his throat.</p> + +<p>"Of course," he said, "as the head of the family—the +overlord—I should have come first. However, +I shall kiss her 'Good night' instead. Possibly I shall +ker-rush her to me." He turned to me. "This will +be the second time within my memory that a Pleydell +has married above him."</p> + +<p>"Very true," said I. "When was the first?"</p> + +<p>"When I married your sister."</p> + +<p>I nodded dreamily.</p> + +<p>"I think," I said, "I think I was born with a silver +spoon in my mouth."</p> + +<p>Berry shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Not a spoon," he said. "A soup-ladle."<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +<br /></p> + +<p class="center">THE END +<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +</p> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>THE BOX FROM JAPAN</h2> + +<h4>By<br />HARRY STEPHEN KEELER</h4> + +<p>Another baffling story by the +great detective-story writer +who is already becoming +world-famous for his marvellously +intricate and ingenious +plots. This story is a jewel +of many facets in brilliant +setting. Here Mr. Keeler's +genius for the mystery-plot +comes into an amazing perfection.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Popular successes by this Author</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +The Amazing Web<br /> +Thieves' Nights<br /> +The Fourth King<br /> +The Green Jade Hand<br /> +Sing Sing Nights<br /> +The Tiger Snake<br /> +The Blue Spectacles<br /> +Find the Clock<br /> +The Black Satchel<br /> +</p> + +<p>All who love strong character and thrilling incident +will revel in this essentially clever story.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>CALEB'S CONQUEST</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> JOSEPH HOCKING</h4> + +<p>Caleb, the sixteen-year-old +son of a small farmer, ran +away on his father's death +and engaged himself as a +farm labourer. What he discovers +in the next few years +makes a typical Hocking +Cornish adventure romance.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Other popular Stories by this Author</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +Mistress Nancy Molesworth<br /> +The Birthright<br /> +Ishmael Pengelly<br /> +God and Mammon<br /> +The Weapons of Mystery<br /> +Heartsease<br /> +The Tenant of Cromlech Cottage<br /> +Nancy Trevanion's Legacy<br /> +The Secret of Trescobell<br /> +A Prince of this World<br /> +Greater Love<br /> +Jabez Easterbrook<br /> +An Enemy Hath Done This<br /> +Roger Trewinion<br /> +The Sign of the Triangle<br /> +Out of the Depths<br /> +</p> + +<p>There are few better story-tellers than Mr. Joseph +Hocking, especially when he is dealing with his +beloved Cornwall. His stories are thrillingly interesting, +and rivet the attention of the reader from +beginning to end.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>THE +SIGN OF THE GLOVE</h2> + +<p class="center">(<i>Another</i> "LEATHERMOUTH" <i>Novel</i>.)</p> + +<h4>By<br /> CARLTON DAWE</h4> + +<p>Colonel Gantian ("Leathermouth") +is called upon by his +friend, a Commissioner of +Scotland Yard, to help in +elucidating the mysterious +events behind the death of +the late Governor of Bombay. +With much hesitation and reluctance, +having just got married, +he accepts the mission. +But it sends him walking into +many dangers, and it is only +with much trouble that finally +he is triumphant.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Other recent successes by this Author</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +Leathermouth<br /> +The Glare<br /> +The Forbidden Shrine<br /> +The Knightsbridge Affair<br /> +Slings and Arrows<br /> +Love, the Conqueror<br /> +Pacific Blue<br /> +The Desirable Woman<br /> +The Winding Road<br /> +The Missing Clue<br /> +Fishers of Men<br /> +Wanted<br /> +</p> + +<p>"For a certain crispness of dialogue, and deft arrangement +of the events of a good plot, Mr. Carlton Dawe +has very few rivals."—<i>The Yorkshire Post</i>.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>A MYSTERY CHAIN</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> L. G. MOBERLY</h4> + +<p>This story deals with a foreign +woman, who poses as a great +philanthropist, but who, under +cover of her social activities, is +involved in very other matters. +What these are must be left +to Miss Moberly to tell, and +she tells them in a story of +great power, vividness and +charm.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Some of Miss Moberly's previous successes</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot">The Voice<br /> +Fingers of Fate<br /> +Stepping Stones<br /> +Hope, My Wife<br /> +Vere<br /> +Diana<br /> +A Tangled Web<br /> +A Way of Escape<br /> +Threads of Life<br /> +The Eternal Dustbin<br /> +Renewal<br /> +A Change and a Chance<br /> +The Master Key</p> + +<p>In the long list of successful novelists Miss Moberly +takes a high place. Her novels are not merely +thrillers, but a readable love story is invariably +woven into the mystery.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>THE YELLOW WAGON</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> CHARMAN EDWARDS</h4> + +<p>A beautiful woman, destined +to be England's most famous +actress, born amid the +glamour yet hardship of that +picturesque and now almost +obsolete institution of rural +England, the travelling +theatre. Against this coloured +background and that of the +West-end stage is the story of +the men who craved her for +her beauty alone. Here is no +impossible heroine who survives +her many ordeals unscathed—Sheila +Fitzpatrick is +but human after all—but the +reader's sympathy will be with +her to the end.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>By the same Author</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +Windfellow<br /> +Derision<br /> +High Street<br /> +Rainbrother<br /> +Sir Richard Penniless<br /> +</p> +<p>Mr. Edwards writes in a manner that holds one to +his story. Characterisation comes easy to him. He +has a facility for sustained suspense and he constructs +with admirable economy.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>THE PITIFUL LADY</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> KATHARINE TYNAN</h4> + +<p>Robin, when left alone in the +world, with her great love for +animals, finds her vocation +in veterinary surgery. The a +returning of a lost dog to its +owner brings into her life a +new interest, and through the +episodes that follow Katharine +Tynan brings to a satisfactory +conclusion one of the most +charming and characteristic +of her romances.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Other popular Stories by this Author</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +Pat, the Adventurer<br /> +The Briar Bush Maid<br /> +A Fine Gentleman<br /> +The Wild Adventure<br /> +Castle Perilous<br /> +The Squire's Sweetheart<br /> +The Most Charming Family<br /> +The Admirable Simmons<br /> +The Playground<br /> +My Love's But a Lassie<br /> +Phillipa's Lover<br /> +Delia's Orchard<br /> +</p> + +<p>Clean, wholesome love stories, free from intrigue and +sensationalism, and containing well-drawn characters +and good dialogue.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>TILL DOOMSDAY</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> ROBIN TEMPLE</h4> + +<p>The dramatic story of a +man whose divorced wife, an +actress, seeks, for vanity's +sake, to allure him back to +her and away from another +woman who has entered his +life, and with whom he has +fallen in love. The story +moves with a sure pace +throughout, and the end is +finely wrought.</p> + +<p>To all who like a powerful adventure story, written +with a punch, this novel can be whole-heartedly +recommended.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>WHITE GOLD</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> OTTWELL BINNS</h4> + +<p>To Ferrars, home on leave, +came an S O S call from a +friend gaoled in Mozambique. +He held the secret +of a platinum find, and corrupt +officials wished to filch +it from him. A thrilling +rescue and a neck-and-neck +race for the treasure followed.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Other Stories by this Author</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +The White Hands of Justice<br /> +The Grey Rat<br /> +A Mating in the Wilds<br /> +Where the Aurora Flames<br /> +Java Jack<br /> +A Sin of Silence<br /> +The Secret Pearls<br /> +Snowbird<br /> +Jim Trelawney<br /> +The Flaming Crescent<br /> +The Man from Maloba<br /> +The Love that Believeth<br /> +A Gipsy of the North<br /> +An Adventurer of the Bay<br /> +Behind the Ranges<br /> +The Diamond Trail<br /> +The Three Black Dots<br /> +The Vanished Guest<br /> +</p> + +<p>"Mr. Binns gives us a story, clear-cut of pattern and +compactly woven, and when it has been read, we +turn to it again for the sake of the atmosphere of the +wilds."—<i>Yorkshire Observer</i>.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>PANDORA'S BOX</h2> + +<h4>AND OTHER STORIES</h4> + +<h4>By<br /> STEPHEN McKENNA</h4> + +<p>A volume of great charm and +wit, fully representing the +author's varied talents, and +vigorously written in the style +that has made him famous.</p> + +<p>Mr. Stephen McKenna's admirers, and their number +is legion, will rejoice in this attractive volume.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>THE RETURN OF JENNY +WEAVER</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> +MARGARET TURNBULL</h4> + +<p>A murder trial that becomes +more complex as it proceeds, +and (strange to say) less sordid; +for under cross-examination +there gradually emerges the +story of a bygone romance so +touching that the young squire, +on his acquittal of the murder +charge, yields the centre of +the stage to his poor, foolish, +fluttering mother.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>By the same Author</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot">The Handsome Man<br /> +A Monkey in Silk<br /> +The Left Lady</p> + +<p>The Author writes a rattling good yarn, full of +excitement. Thoroughly brisk in action, her stories +are told in a virile and spirited manner.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>WINNING THROUGH</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> JESSE TEMPLETON</h4> + +<p>The story of the shipwreck +of an Atlantic Liner and of +the thrilling adventures that +befall a small party of survivors +stranded in Labrador. +Their efforts to reach civilisation +have an epic character, +yet a romantic thread runs +through the story to the very +end.</p> + +<p class="blockquot"><i>Previous Novels by this Author</i>:</p> + +<p class="blockquot"> +Dead or Alive<br /> +Between the Tides<br /> +Clay-Face<br /> +The Bitter Test<br /> +The Yellow Hibiscus<br /> +Ten Fathoms Deep<br /> +</p> + +<p>Mr. Templeton has reached distinct artistry in +attractive dialogue, in clean and wholesome action +and in presentation of exciting situations without +undue strain on credulity.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> +<hr style="width: 85%;" /> +<h4>NEW FICTION</h4> + +<h2>THE +HAWKMOOR MYSTERY</h2> + +<h4>By<br /> +W. H. LANE CRAUFORD</h4> + +<p class="center"><i>Author of "The Missing Ace"</i></p> + +<p>A diamond of incalculable +value is stolen from an Indian +Temple by Captain Berrington. +Then, some twenty years +afterwards, in an English +country house, there are +strange and bewildering happenings. +The elucidation of +the mystery involved makes +an exceptionally thrilling and powerful story.</p> + +<p>A story written in a light vein that will bring many +a chuckle to you whilst its most absorbing problem +is gradually unfolded.</p> + +<h4>WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED</h4> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Berry And Co., by Dornford Yates + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BERRY AND CO. *** + +***** This file should be named 17469-h.htm or 17469-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/4/6/17469/ + +Produced by Hilary Caws-Elwitt, in honor of Peter Caws + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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