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diff --git a/17120.txt b/17120.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bb3c07e --- /dev/null +++ b/17120.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3478 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Fashionable Philosophy, by Laurence Oliphant + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Fashionable Philosophy + and Other Sketches + + +Author: Laurence Oliphant + + + +Release Date: November 20, 2005 [eBook #17120] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FASHIONABLE PHILOSOPHY*** + + + + + + +Transcribed from the 1887 William Blackwood and Sons edition by David +Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk + + + + + +FASHIONABLE PHILOSOPHY AND OTHER SKETCHES + + +[Title page: title.jpg] + +BY LAURENCE OLIPHANT + +AUTHOR OF +'PICCADILLY,' 'ALTIORA PETO,' 'MASOLLAM,' ETC. + +WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS +EDINBURGH AND LONDON +MDCCCLXXXVII + +PRICE ONE SHILLING + + + + +PREFACE. + + +That railway travel is not, as a rule, conducive to serious thought, may +fairly be inferred from the class of literature displayed on the +bookstalls at the stations. I have therefore refrained from any attempt +to excite the reflective faculties of the reader, excepting in the first +and third of the accompanying sketches, and even in these have only +ventured to suggest ideas, the full scope and pregnancy of which it must +be left to his own idiosyncrasy to appreciate and develop, the more +especially as they bear upon a certain current of investigation which has +recently become popular. + +I have to express my thanks to the Editor of the 'Nineteenth Century +Review' for the kind permission he has granted me to reproduce "The +Sisters of Thibet"; and I avail myself of the opportunity thus afforded +of removing the impression which, to my surprise, was conveyed to me by +letters from numerous correspondents, that the article contained any +record of my own personal experiences. The satire was suggested by the +work of an author whose sincerity I do not doubt, and for whose motives I +have the highest respect, in order to point out what appears to me the +defective morality, from an altruistic and practical point of view, of a +system of which he is the principal exponent in this country, and which, +under the name of Esoteric Buddhism, still seems to possess some +fascination for a certain class of minds. + +The other articles originally appeared in 'Blackwood's Magazine,' and I +wish to express my acknowledgments to my publishers for their usual +courtesy in allowing me to republish them in this form. + +ATHENAEUM CLUB, +_January_ 1887. + +CONTENTS. + +Fashionable Philosophy +The Brigand's Bride: a tale of Southern Italy +The Sisters of Thibet +Adolphus: a comedy of affinities + + + + +FASHIONABLE PHILOSOPHY. + + +SCENE--_A London Drawing-room_. TIME--5 _o'clock_ P.M. + +_The afternoon tea apparatus in one corner of the room_, _and_ Lady +Fritterly _on a couch in another_. The Hon. Mrs Allmash _is announced_. + +_Lady Fritterly_. How too kind, dear, of you to come, and so early, too! +I've got such a lot of interesting people coming, and we are going to +discuss the religion of the future. + +_Mrs Allmash_. How quite delightful! I do so long for something more +substantial than the theologies of the past! It is becoming quite +puzzling to know what to teach one's children: mine are getting old +enough now to understand about things, and one ought to teach them +something. I was talking about it to that charming Professor Germsell +last night. + +_Lady Fritterly_. Well, I hope he is coming presently, so you will be +able to continue your conversation. Then there is Mr Coldwaite, the +celebrated Comtist; and Mr Fussle, who writes those delightful articles +on prehistoric aesthetic evolution; and Mr Drygull, the eminent +theosophist, whose stories about esoteric Buddhism are quite too +extraordinary, and who has promised to bring a Khoja--a most interesting +moral specimen, my dear--who has just arrived from Bombay; and Lord +Fondleton. + +_Mrs Allmash_. Lord Fondleton! I did not know that he was interested in +such subjects. + +_Lady Fritterly_. He says he is, dear; between ourselves--but this, of +course, is strictly _entre nous_--I rather think that it is I who +interest him: but I encourage him, poor fellow; it may wean him from the +unprofitable life he is leading, and turn his mind to higher things. Oh! +I almost forgot,---then there is my new beauty! + +_Mrs Allmash_. Your new beauty! + +_Lady Fritterly_. Yes; if you could only have dined with me the other +night, you would have met her. I had such a perfect little dinner. Just +think! A poet, an actor, a journalist, a painter, a wit, and a new +beauty. I'll tell you how I found her. She really belongs at present to +Lady Islington and myself; but of course, now we have started her, all +the other people will snap her up. We found that we both owed that +vulgar upstart, Mrs Houndsley, a visit, and went there together--because +I always think two people are less easily bored than one--when suddenly +the most perfect apparition you ever beheld stood before us;--an old +master dress, an immense pattern, a large hat rim encircling a face, some +rich auburn hair inside, and the face a perfect one. Well, you know, it +turned out that she was not born in the purple--her husband is just a +clerk in Burley's Bank; but we both insisted on being introduced to +her--for, you see, my dear, there is no doubt about it, she is a ready- +made beauty. The same idea occurred to Lady Islington, so we agreed as +we drove away that we would bring her out. The result is, that she went +to Islington House on Tuesday, and came to me on Thursday, and created a +perfect furor on both occasions; so now she is fairly started. + +_Mrs Allmash_. How wonderfully clever and fortunate you are, dear! What +is her name? + +_Lady Fritterly_. Mrs Gloring. + +_Mrs Allmash_. Oh yes; everybody was talking about her at the Duchess's +last night. I am dying to see her; but they say that she is rather a +fool. + +_Lady Fritterly_. Pure spite and jealousy. Yet that is the way these +Christian women of society obey the precept of their religion, and love +their neighbours as themselves. + +[Lord Fondleton _is announced_, _accompanied by a stranger_. + +_Lord Fondleton_. How d'ye do, Lady Fritterly? I am sure you will +excuse my taking the liberty of introducing Mr Rollestone, a very old +friend of mine, to you; he has only just returned to England, after an +absence of so many years that he is quite a stranger in London. + +[Lady Fritterly _is_ "_delighted_." _The rest of the party arrive in +rapid succession_. + +_Mrs Allmash_. Dear Mr Germsell, I was just telling Lady Fritterly what +an interesting conversation we were having last night when it was +unfortunately interrupted. I shall be so glad if you would explain more +fully now what you were telling me. I am sure everybody would be +interested. + +_Lady Fritterly_. Oh do, Mr Germsell; it would be quite too nice of you. +And, Mr Drygull, will you ask the Khoja to-- + +_Mr Drygull_. My friend's name is Ali Seyyid, Lady Fritterly. + +_Lady Fritterly_. Pray excuse my stupidity, Mr Allyside, and come and +sit near me. Lord Fondleton, find Mrs Gloring a chair. + +_Lord Fondleton_ [_aside to_ Mrs Gloring]. Who's our black friend? + +_Mrs Gloring_. I am sure I don't know. I think Lady Fritterly called +him a codger. + +_Lord Fondleton_. Ah, he looks like it,--and a rum one at that, as our +American cousins say. + +_Mrs Gloring_. Hush! Mr Germsell is going to begin. + +_Mr Germsell_. Mrs Allmash asked me last night whether my thoughts had +been directed to the topic which is uppermost just now in so many minds +in regard to the religion of the future, and I ventured to tell her that +it would be found to be contained in the generalised expediency of the +past. + +_Mr Fussle_. Pardon me, but the religion of the future must be the +result of an evolutionary process, and I don't see how generalisations of +past expediency are to help the evolution of humanity. + +_Germsell_. They throw light upon it; and the study of the evolutionary +process so far teaches us how we may evolve in the future. For instance, +you have only got to think of evolution as divided into moral, +astronomic, geologic, biologic, psychologic, sociologic, aesthetic, and +so forth, and you will find that there is always an evolution of the +parts into which it divides itself, and that therefore there is but one +evolution going on everywhere after the same manner. The work of science +has been not to extend our experience, for that is impossible, but to +systematise it; and in that systematisation of it will be found the +religion of which we are in search. + +_Drygull_. May I ask why you deem it impossible that our experience can +be extended? + +_Germsell_. Because it has itself defined its limits. The combined +experience of humanity, so far as its earliest records go, has been +limited by laws, the nature of which have been ascertained: it is +impossible that it should be transcended without violation of the +conclusions arrived at by positive science. + +_Drygull_. I can more easily understand that the conclusions arrived at +by men of science should be limited, than that the experience of humanity +should be confined by those conclusions; but I fail to perceive why those +philosophers should deny the existence of certain human faculties, +because they don't happen to possess them themselves. I think I know a +Rishi who can produce experiences which would scatter all their +conclusions to the winds, when the whole system which is built upon them +would collapse. + +_Mrs Gloring_ [_aside to_ Lord Fondleton]. Pray, Lord Fondleton, can you +tell me what a Rishi is? + +_Lord Fondleton_. A man who has got into higher states, you know--what I +heard Mr Drygull call a transcendentalist the other day, whatever that +may be. I don't understand much about these matters myself, but I take +it he is a sort of evolved codger. + +_Mrs Allmash_. Oh, how awfully interesting! Dear Mr Drygull, do tell us +some of the extraordinary things the Rishi can do. + +_Drygull_. If you will only all of you listen attentively, and if Mr +Germsell will have the goodness to modify to some degree the prejudiced +attitude of mind common to all men of science, you will hear him as +plainly as I can at this moment beating a tom-tom in his cottage in the +Himalayas. + +[Mr Germsell _gets up impatiently_, _and walks to the other end of the +back drawing-room_. + +_Drygull_ [_casting a compassionate glance after him_]. Perhaps it is +better so. Now please, Lady Fritterly, I must request a few moments of +the most profound silence on the part of all. You will not hear the +sound as though coming from a distance, but it will seem rather like a +muffled drumming taking place inside your head, scarcely perceptible at +first, when its volume will gradually increase. + +_Lord Fondleton_ [_aside to_ Mrs Gloring]. Some bad champagne produced +the same phenomenon in my head last night. + +_Lady Fritterly_ [_severely_]. Hush! Lord Fondleton. + +[_There is a dead silence for some minutes_. + +_Mrs Gloring_ [_excitedly_]. Oh, I hear it! It is something like a +woodpecker inside of one. + +_Drygull_. Not a word, my dear madam, if you please. + +_Lady Fritterly_ [_after a long pause_]. I imagine I hear a very faint +something; there it goes--boom, boom, boom--at the back of my tympanum. + +_Lord Fondleton_. That's not like a woodpecker. + +_Mrs Gloring_. No; it seems to me more like tic-tic-tic. + +_Mrs Allmash_. How too tiresome! I can't hear anything. I suppose it +is on account of the rumble of the carriages. + +_Lord Fondleton_ [_whispers to_ Mrs Gloring]. I hear something inside of +me; do you know what? + +_Mrs Gloring_. No; what? + +_Lord Fondleton_. The beating of my own heart. Can't you guess for +whom? + +_Mrs Gloring_. No. Perhaps the Rishi makes it beat. + +_Lord Fondleton_. Dear Mrs Gloring, you are the Rishi for whom-- + +_Mrs Gloring_. Hush! + +_Lady Fritterly_. There, it is getting louder, like distant artillery, +and yet so near. Oh, Mr Drygull, what a wonderful man the Rishi must be! + +_Drygull_. Yes; he knew that at this hour to-day I should need an +illustration of his power, and he is kindly furnishing us with one. This +is an experience which I think our friend over there [_looking towards_ +Mr Germsell] would find it difficult to classify. + +_Germsell_. Fussle, have the goodness to step here for a moment--[_points +to a woman beating a carpet in the back-yard of an adjoining house_]. +That is the tom-tom in the Himalayas they are listening to. + +_Fussle_. Well, now, do you know, I don't feel quite sure of that. I +was certainly conscious of a sort of internal hearing of something when +you called me, which was not that; it was as though I had fiddlestrings +in my head and somebody was beginning to strum upon them. + +_Germsell_. Fiddlestrings indeed--say rather fiddlesticks. I am +surprised at a sensible man like yourself listening to such nonsense. + +_Fussle_ [_testily_]. It is much greater nonsense for you to tell me I +don't hear something I do hear, than for me to hear something you can't +hear. You may be deaf, while my sense of hearing may be evolving. Can +you hear what Lord Fondleton is saying to Mrs Gloring at this moment? + +_Germsell_. No, and I don't want to. + +_Fussle_. Ah, there it is. You won't hear anything you don't want to. +Now I can, and he ought not to say it;--look how she is blushing. Oh, I +forgot you are short-sighted. Well, you see, I can hear further than +you, and see further than you. Why should you set a limit on the +evolution of the senses, and say that no man in the future can ever hear +or see further than men have in the past? How dare you, sir, with your +imperfect faculties and your perfunctory method of research, which can +only cover an infinitesimal period in the existence of this planet, +venture to limit the potentialities of those laws which have already +converted us from ascidians into men, and which may as easily evolve in +us the faculty of hearing tom-toms in the Himalayas while we are sitting +here, as of that articulate speech or intelligent reasoning which, owing +to their operation, we now possess? + +_Germsell_. Pardon me, you do not possess them, Mr Fussle. + +_Lady Fritterly_. Mr Fussle, might I ask you to take this cup of tea to +Mrs Allmash? Mr Germsell, it would be too kind of you to hand Mrs +Gloring the cake. + +_Fussle_ [_savagely_]. We will continue this conversation at the +Minerva. + +_Mrs Allmash_ [_apart to the_ Khoja]. Oh, Mr Allyside, I am so glad to +hear that you speak English so perfectly! I want you to tell me all +about your religion; perhaps it may help us, you know, to find the +religion of the future, which we are all longing for. And I am so +interested in oriental religions! there is something so charmingly +picturesque about them. I quite dote on those dear old Shastras, and +Vedas, and Puranas; they contain such a lot of beautiful things, you +know. + +_Ali Seyyid_. I know as little, madam, of the Indian books you mention +as I do of the Bible, which I have always heard was a very good book, and +contained also a great many beautiful things. I am neither a Hindoo nor +a Buddhist,--in fact, it is forbidden to me by my religion to tell you +exactly what I am. + +_Mrs Allmash_. But indeed I won't tell anybody if you will only confide +in me. Oh, this mystery is too exquisitely delicious! Who knows, +perhaps you might make a convert of me? + +_Ali Seyyid_ [_with an admiring gaze_]. Madam, you would be a prize so +well worth winning, that you almost tempt me. The first of our secrets +is that we are all things to all men, until we are quite sure of the +sympathy of the listener; then we venture a step further. + +_Mrs Allmash_. How wise that is! and how unlike the system adopted by +Christians! You may be sure of my most entire sympathy. + +_Ali Seyyid_. The next principle is--but this is a profound secret, +which you must promise not to repeat--the rejection of all fixed rules of +religion or morality. It really does not matter in the least what you +do: the internal disposition is the only thing of any value. Now, as far +as I understand, you have already got rid of the religion, or you would +not be looking for a new one; all you have to do is to get rid of the +morality, and there you are. + +_Mrs Allmash_ [_with an expression of horror and alarm_]. Yes, there I +should be indeed. Oh, Mr Allyside, what a dreadful man you are! Who +started such an extraordinary doctrine? + +_Ali Seyyid_. Well, his name was Hassan-bin-Saba--commonly known among +Westerns as the "Old Man of the Mountain." His followers, owing to the +value they attached to murder as a remedial agent, have been known by the +name of the "Assassins." + +_Mrs Allmash_. Oh, good gracious! + +_Lady Fritterly_. My dear Louisa, what is the matter? You look quite +frightened. + +_Ali Seyyid_. Mrs Allmash is a little alarmed because I proposed a new +morality for the future, as well as a new religion. + +_Mr Coldwaite_. Excuse me; but in discussions of this sort, I think it +is most important that we should clearly understand the meanings of the +terms we employ. Now I deny that any difference subsists between +religion and morality. That any such distinction should exist in men's +minds is due to the fact that dogma is inseparably connected with +religion. If you eliminate dogma, what does religion consist of but +morality? Substitute the love of Humanity for the love of the +Unknowable--which is the subject of worship of Mr Germsell; or of the +Deity, who is the object of worship of the majority of mankind--and you +obtain a stimulus to morality which will suffice for all human need. It +is in this great emotion, as it seems to me, that you will find at once +the religion and the morality of the future. + +_Germsell_. From what source do you get the force which enables you to +love humanity with a devotion so intense that it shall elevate your +present moral standard? + +_Coldwaite_. From humanity itself. I am not going to be entrapped into +getting it from any unknowable source; the love of humanity, whether it +be humanity as existing, or when absorbed by death into the general mass, +is perpetually generating itself. + +_Mrs Allmash_. Then it must produce itself from what was there before; +therefore it must be the same love, which keeps on going round and round. + +_Lord Fondleton_. A sort of circular love, in fact. I've often felt it: +but I didn't think it right to encourage it. + +_Lady Fritterly_. Lord Fondleton, how can you be so silly? Don't pay +attention to him, Mr Coldwaite. I confess I still don't see how you can +get a higher love out of humanity than humanity has already got in it, +unless you are to look to some other source for it. + +_Coldwaite_. Why, mayn't it evolve from itself? + +_Germsell_. How can it evolve without a propulsive force behind it? The +thing is too palpable an absurdity to need argument. You can no more fix +limits to the origin of force than you can destroy its persistency. + +_Lord Fondleton_ [_aside_]. That seems to me one of those sort of things +no fellow can understand. + +_Germsell_. All you can say of it is that it is a conditioned effect of +an unconditioned cause. That no idea or feeling arises, save as a result +of some physical force expended in producing it, is fast becoming a +commonplace of science; and whoever duly weighs the evidence will see +that nothing but an overwhelming bias in favour of a preconceived theory +can explain its non-acceptance. I think my friend Mr Herbert Spencer has +demonstrated this conclusively. + +_Coldwaite_. Pardon me; do I understand you to say that the mental +process which enabled Mr Spencer to elaborate his system of philosophy, +or that the profound emotion which finds its expression in a love for +humanity, are the result of physical force alone? + +_Germsell_. He says so himself, and he ought to know. His whole system +of philosophy is nothing more nor less than the result of the liberation +of certain forces produced by chemical action in the brain. + +_Drygull_. Then, if I understand you rightly, if the chemical changes +which have been taking place for some years past in his brain had +liberated a different set of forces, we should have had altogether a +different philosophy. + +_Germsell_. The chemical changes would in that case have been different. + +_Drygull_. But the changes must be produced by forces acting on them. + +_Germsell_. Exactly: a force which has its source in the Unknowable +produces a certain chemical action in the brain by which it becomes +converted into thought or emotion, into love or philosophy, into art or +religion, as the case may be: what the nature of that love or philosophy, +or art or religion, may be, must depend entirely on the nature of the +chemical change. + +_Lord Fondleton_ [_aside to_ Mrs Gloring]. I feel the most delightful +chemical changes taking place now in my brain, dear Mrs Gloring. May I +explain to you the exquisite nature of the forces that are being +liberated, and which produce emotions of the most tender character. + +_Lady Fritterly_ [_sharply_]. What are you saying, Lord Fondleton? + +_Lord Fondleton_. Ahem--I was saying--ahem--I was saying that we shall +be having some Yankee inventing steam thinking-mills and galvanic loving- +batteries soon. What a lot of wear and tear it would save! I should go +about covered with a number of electric love-wires for the force to play +upon. + +_Fussle_. I think this matter wants clearing up, Mr Germsell. Why don't +you write a book on mental and emotional physics? + +_Mr Rollestone_. I would venture with great diffidence to remark that +the confusion seems to me to arise from the limit we attach to the +meaning of the word employed. It may be quite true that no idea or +emotion can exist except as the result of physical force; but it is also +true that its effect must be conditioned on the quality of the force. +There is as wide a difference between the physical forces operant in the +brain, and which give rise to ideas, and those which move a steam-engine, +as there is between mind and matter as popularly defined. Both, as Mr +Germsell will admit, are conditioned manifestations of force; but the one +contains a vital element in its dynamism which the other does not. You +may apply as much physical force by means of a galvanic battery to a dead +brain as you please, but you can't strike an idea out of it; and this +vital force, while it is "conditioned force," like light and heat, +differs in its mode of manifestation from every other manifestation of +force, even more than they do from each other, in that it possesses a +potency inherent to it, which they have not, and this potency it is which +creates emotion and generates ideas. The fallacy which underlies the +whole of this system of philosophy is contained in the assumption that +there is only one description of physical force in nature. + +_Germsell_. No more there is. Why, Mr Spencer says that the law of +metamorphosis which holds among the physical forces, holds equally +between them and the mental forces; but mark you, what is the grand +conclusion at which he arrives? I happen to remember the passage: "How +this metamorphosis takes place; how a force existing, as motion, heat, or +light, can become a mode of consciousness; how it is possible for aerial +vibrations to generate the sensation we call sound; or for the forces +liberated by chemical changes in the brain to give rise to emotion,--these +are mysteries which it is impossible to fathom." + +_Lord Fondleton_ [_aside to_ Mrs Gloring]. What a jolly easy way of +getting out of a difficulty! + +_Drygull_. Of course, if you admit such gross ignorance as to how it is +possible for aerial vibrations "to generate the sensation we call sound," +I don't wonder at your not hearing the tom-tom in the Himalayas we were +listening to just now. If you knew a little more about the astral law +under which aerial vibrations may be generated, you would not call things +impossible which you admit to be unfathomable mysteries. If it is an +unfathomable mystery how a sound is projected a mile, why do you refuse +to admit the possibility of its being projected two, or two hundred, or +two thousand? Under the laws which govern mysteries, which you say are +unfathomable, if the mystery is unfathomable, so is the law, and you have +no right to limit its action. + +_Rollestone_. To come back to the question of a possible distinction in +the essential or inherent qualities of dynamic or physical forces. There +is nothing in the hypothesis which may not be reasonably assumed and +tested by experiment; and before any man has a right to affirm that there +is only one quality of physical force in nature, which, by undergoing +transformation and metamorphosis, shall account for all its phenomena, I +have a right to ask whether the hypothesis, that there may be another, +has been experimentally tested. It would then be time for me to accept +the conclusion that there is only one, and that it is an unfathomable +mystery how this one force should be able to perform all the functions +attributed to it. + +_Germsell_. I admit that the forces called vital are correlates of the +forces called physical, if you choose to call that a distinction; but +their character is conditioned by the state of the brain, and it comes to +the same thing in the end. The seat of emotion as well as of thought is +the brain, and it entirely depends on its chemical constitution, on its +circulation, and on other causes affecting that organ, what you think, +and feel, and say, and do. People's characters differ because their +brains do, not because there is any difference in the vital force which +animates them. + +_Rollestone_. You might as well say that sounds differ because their +aerial vibrations differ, but those vibrations only differ because the +force makes them differ which is acting upon them. They don't generate +tunes, but convey them. And the result, so far as our hearing is +concerned, depends upon what are called the acoustic conditions under +which the vibrations take place. Just so the brain possesses no +generating function of its own; it deals with and transmits the ideas and +emotions projected upon it according to the organic conditions by which +it may be affected at the time, whether those ideas and emotions are +produced by external stimuli, or apparently, but only apparently, as I +believe, owe their origin to genesis in the brain itself. In the one +case the brain is vibrating to the touch of an external force, in the +other to one that is internal and unseen, just as the air does when it +transmits sound, whether you see the cause which produces it or not; and +the mystery which remains to be fathomed, but which I do not admit to be +unfathomable until somebody tries to fathom it, is the nature of those +unseen forces. + +_Germsell_. How would you propose to try and fathom it? + +_Rollestone_. By experiment: I know of no other way. The forces which +generate emotions and ideas must possess a moral quality: the experiments +must therefore be moral experiments. + +_Germsell_. How do you set to work to experimentalise morally? + +_Rollestone_. As the process must of necessity be a purely personal one, +carried on, if I may use the expression, in one's own moral organism, I +have a certain delicacy in attempting to describe it. In fact, Lady +Fritterly, if you will allow me to say so, as the whole subject which has +been under discussion this afternoon is the most profoundly solemn which +can engage the attention of a human being, I shrink from entering upon it +as fully as I would do under other circumstances. I people begin to want +a new religion because it is the fashion to want one, I venture to +predict that they will never find it. If they want a new religion +because they can't come up to the moral standard of the one they have +got, then I would advise them to look rather to that unseen force within +them, which I have been attempting to describe to Mr Germsell, for the +potency which may enable them to reach it. + +_Lady Fritterly_. Indeed, Mr Rollestone, we are all exceedingly in +earnest. I never felt so serious in my life. Of course this London life +must all seem very frivolous to you; but that we can't help, you know. We +can't all go away and make moral experiments like you. What we feel is, +that we ought all to endeavour as much as possible to introduce a more +serious tone into society. We want to get rid of the selfishness, and +the littlenesses, and the petty ambitions and envyings, and the scandals +that go on. Don't we, Louisa, dear? And you can't think how grateful I +am to Lord Fondleton for having given me the pleasure of your +acquaintance. I hope I may often see you; I am sure you would do us all +so much good. You will always find me at home on Sunday afternoons at +this hour. + +_Mrs Allmash_. It is so refreshing to meet any one so full of +information and earnestness as you are, in this wicked, jaded London. +Please go on, Mr Rollestone; what you were saying was so interesting. +Have you really been experimentalising on your own moral organism? How +quite too extraordinary! + +_Lord Fondleton_ [_aside to_ Mrs Gloring]. By Jove! I had no idea old +Rollestone could come out in this line. He is a regular dark horse. I +should never have suspected it. He will be first favourite in London +this season, and win in a canter. + +_Coldwaite_. You will excuse me, Mr Rollestone, but I really am +interested, and I really am serious. It was with no idle curiosity that +I was waiting to hear your answer to Mr Germsell's inquiry, as to the +nature of the moral experiment necessary to test the character of this +unseen force. + +_Rollestone_. I can only say that any experiment which deals with the +affectional and emotional part of one's nature must be painful in the +extreme. There is, indeed, only one motive which would induce one to +undergo the trials, sufferings, sacrifices, and ordeals which it +involves--and that is one in which you will sympathise: it is the hope +that humanity may benefit by the result of one's efforts. Indeed, any +lower motive than this would vitiate them. I will venture to assert to +Mr Germsell, who is so sceptical as to the existence of any other quality +in that force, which he can only fathom so far as to know that it is +physical, that I will put him through a course of experiment which will +cause him more acute moral suffering than his brain could bear, unless it +was sustained by a force which, by that experimental process, will reveal +attributes contained in it not dreamt of in his philosophy. + +_Germsell_. I have no doubt you could strain my mind until it was weak +enough to believe anything, even your fantastic theories. Thank you, I +would rather continue to experiment with my own microscope and forceps +than let you experiment either upon my affections or my brains. + +_Fussle_ [_aside to_ Mr Rollestone]. You could not make anything of them +even if he consented--the former don't exist, and the latter are mere +putty--but I can quite understand your desire to begin _in corpore vili_. + +_Lord Fondleton_ [_aside to_ Mrs Gloring]. Allow me freely to offer you +my affections as peculiarly adapted to experiments of this nature. + +_Rollestone_. It has always struck me as strange that men of science, +who don't shrink from testing, for instance, the value of poisons, or the +nature of disease, by heroically subjecting their own external organisms +to their action, should shrink from experimenting on that essential if +remote vitalising force, which can only be reached by moral experiment, +and disorder in which produces not only moral obliquity and mental +alienation, but physical disease as well. + +_Fussle_. Thus a man may die of apoplexy brought on by a fit of passion. +Cure his temper, and you lessen the danger of apoplexy; that, I take it, +is an illustration of what you mean. + +_Rollestone_. In its most external application it is; the question is +where his bad temper comes from, and whether, as Mr Germsell would +maintain, it is entirely due to his cerebral condition, and not to the +moral qualities inherent in the force, which, acting on peculiar cerebral +conditions, causes one man's temper to differ from another's. It is not +the liberated force which generates the temper. For that you have to go +farther back; and the reason why research is limited in this direction is +not because it is impossible to go farther back, but because it must +inevitably entail, as I have already said, acute personal suffering. Nor, +as these experiments must be purely personal, and involve experiences of +an entirely novel kind, is it possible to discuss them except with those +who have participated in them. One might as well attempt to describe the +emotion of love to a man whose affections had never been called forth. If +I have alluded to them so fully now, it is because they justify me in +making the assertion, for which I can offer no other proof than they have +afforded to me personally, that a force does exist in nature possessing +an inherent spiritual potency--I use the word spiritual for lack of a +better--which is capable of lifting humanity to a higher moral plane of +daily living and acting than that which it has hitherto attained. But I +fear I am trespassing on your patience in having said thus much. + +_Lady Fritterly_. Oh no, Mr Rollestone; please go on. There is +something so delightfully fresh and original in all you are saying, I +can't tell you how much you interest me. + +_Germsell_ [_aside_]. I know a milkmaid quite as fresh and rather more +original. [_Aloud_, _looking at his watch_.] Bless me! it is past six, +and I have an appointment at the club at six. So sorry to tear myself +away, dear Lady Fritterly. I can't tell you how I have enjoyed the +intellectual treat you have provided for me. + +_Lady Fritterly_. I thank you so much for coming. I hope you will often +look in on our Sundays. I think, you know, that these little +conversations are so very improving. + +_Germsell_. You may rely upon me; it is impossible to imagine anything +more interesting. [_Mutters as he leaves the room_.] No, Lady +Fritterly, this is the last time I enter this house, except perhaps to +dinner. You don't catch me again making one of your Sunday afternoon +collection of bores and idiots. What an insufferable prig that +Rollestone is! + +_Fussle_ [_aside to_ Drygull]. Thank heaven, that pompous nuisance has +taken himself off! + +_Drygull_ [_aside to_ Fussle]. I don't know which I dislike most--the +Pharisee of science or the Pharisee of religion. + +_Rollestone_. If, then, you admit that the human organism not only +cannot generate force, but that the emotions which control the body are +in their turn generated by a force which is behind it, and that this +force is dependent for its manifestation on its own special conditions, +as well as on those of its transmitting organic medium, I venture to +assert that experiment in the direction I have suggested will prove to +our consciousness that the moral or spiritual quality of the original +invading force is a pure one, and that the degree of its pollution in the +human frame is the effect of inherited and other organic conditions; and +the question which presents itself to the experimentalist is, whether by +an effort of the will this same force may not be evoked to change and +purify those conditions. Indeed the very effort is in itself an +invocation, and if made unflinchingly, will not fail to meet with a +response. Much that has heretofore been to earnest seekers unknowable +will become knowable, and a love, Mr Coldwaite, higher, if that be +possible, than the love of humanity, yet correlative with and inseparable +from it, will be found pressing with an irresistible potency into those +vacant spaces of the human heart, which have from all time yearned for a +closer contact with the Great Source of all love and of all force. It is +in this attempt to sever the love of humanity from its Author, that the +Positivist philosophy has failed: it is the worship of a husk without the +kernel, of a body without the soul; and hence it will never satisfy the +human aspiration. That aspiration is ever the same; it needs, if you +will allow me to say so, Lady Fritterly, no new religion to satisfy its +demands. If the world is of late beginning to feel dissatisfied with +Christianity, it is not because the moral standard which that religion +proposes is not sufficiently lofty for its requirements, but because, +after eighteen hundred years of effort, its professors have altogether +failed to reach that standard. Christianity seems a failure because +Christians have failed--have failed to understand its application to +everyday life, have failed to embody it in practice, and have sought an +escape from the apparent impossibility of doing so, by smothering it with +dogmas, and diverting its scope from this world to the next. It will be +time to look for a new religion, when we have succeeded in the literal +application of the ethics of the one we have got to the social and +economic problems of daily life. It is not by any intellectual effort or +scientific process that the discovery will be made of how this is to be +done, but by the introduction into the organism of new and unsuspected +potencies of moral force which have hitherto lain dormant in nature, +waiting for the great invocation of wearied and distressed humanity. +There can be no stronger evidence of the approach of this new force, +destined to make the ethics of Christianity a practical social standard, +than the growing demand of society for a new religion. It is the +inarticulate utterance of the quickened human aspiration, in itself a +proof that these new potencies are already stirring the dry bones of +Christendom, and a sure earnest that their coming in answer to that +aspiration will not be long delayed. + +_Drygull_. Of course, I entirely disagree with you as to any such +necessity in regard to the moral requirements of the world, existing. You +must have met, in the course of your travels, that more enlightened and +initiated class of Buddhists, with whom I sympathise, who are quite +indifferent to considerations of this nature. + +_Rollestone_. And who were too much occupied with their subjective +prospects in Nirvana, to be affected by the needs of terrestrial +humanity. + +_Drygull_. Quite so. + +_Mrs Allmash_. And, Mr Allyside, I am afraid you are equally +indifferent. + +_Ali Seyyid_. I am certainly not indifferent to the discovery of any +force latent in Christendom which may check the force of its cupidity, +and put a stop to the _exploitation_ and subjugation of Eastern countries +for the sake of advancing its own material interests, under the specious +pretext of introducing the blessings of civilisation. + +_Coldwaite_. You have certainly presented the matter in a light which is +altogether new to me, Mr Rollestone, and upon which, therefore, I am not +now prepared to express an opinion. I should like to discuss the subject +with you further privately. + +_Rollestone_. It is a subject which should never be discussed except +privately. + +_Mrs Allmash_. Now, I should say, Mr Rollestone, on the contrary, that +it was just a subject you ought to write a book about. You would have so +much to tell,--all your personal experiments, you know; now do. + +_Fussle_. Take my advice, Mr Rollestone, and don't. You would have very +few readers, and those who read you would only sneer at what they would +call your crude ideas; and indeed, you will excuse me for saying so, but +I am not sure that they would not be right. + +_Lord Fondleton_. I quite disagree with you, Mr Fussle. If Rollestone +would write a book which would put a stop to this "religion of the +future" business, he would earn the gratitude of society. Do you know, I +am getting rather bored with it. + +_Fussle_. Not if he introduced instead a latent force, which should +overturn all existing institutions, and revolutionise society--which it +would inevitably have to do if we were all coerced by it into adopting +literally the ethics of Christianity, instead of merely professing them. +Why, the "Sermon on the Mount" alone, practised to the letter, would +produce a general destruction. Church and State, and the whole economic +system upon which society is based, would melt away before it like an +iceberg under a tropical sun. I don't mind discussing the religion of +the future as a subject of interesting speculation; but, depend upon it, +we had better let well alone. It seems to me that we--at least those of +us who are well off--have nothing to complain of. Let us trust to the +silent forces of evolution. See how much they have lately done for us in +the matter of art. What can be pleasanter than this gentle process of +aesthetic development which our higher faculties are undergoing? With +due deference to Mr Rollestone, I think we shall be far better employed +in cultivating our taste, than in probing our own organisms in the hope +of discovering forces which may enable us to apply a perfectly +unpractical system of morality, to a society which has every reason to be +satisfied with the normal progress it is making. + +_Mrs Gloring_. Indeed, Mr Rollestone, I agree with you a great deal more +than with Mr Fussle. I should like to call out a higher moral force in +myself--but I should never have the courage to undergo all the ordeals +you say it would involve; I am too weak to try. + +_Lord Fondleton_. Of course you are,--don't! You are much nicer as you +are. Why, Rollestone, you would make all the women detestable if you +could have your way. + +_Rollestone_. I don't think there is any immediate cause for alarm on +that score. + +_Mrs Allmash_ [_rising_]. Dearest Augusta, I am afraid I must run away: +thank you _so_ much, for _such_ a treat. [_All rise_] Mrs Gloring, we +have all been so deeply interested, that we have scarcely been able to +exchange a word, but I hope we shall see a great deal of each other this +year. I have a few people coming to me to-morrow evening; do you think +you can spare a moment from your numerous engagements? Lady Fritterly +and Lord Fondleton are coming; and perhaps, Mr Drygull, you will come, +and bring Mr Allyside. Mr Fussle, I know it is useless to expect you; +and I cannot venture to ask Mr Rollestone to anything so frivolous. But +perhaps you will dine with me on Thursday--you will meet some congenial +spirits. + +_Rollestone_. Thank you, but I fear it will be impossible, as I leave +London to-morrow. Good-bye, Lady Fritterly. Forgive me, an utter +stranger, for having so far obtruded my experiences upon you, and for +venturing finally to suggest that it is in our own hearts that we should +search for the religion that we need; for is it not written, "The kingdom +of heaven is within you"? + + + + +THE BRIGAND'S BRIDE: A TALE OF SOUTHERN ITALY. + + +The Italian peninsula during the years 1859-60-61 offered a particularly +tempting field for adventure to ardent spirits in search of excitement; +and, attracted partly by my sympathy with the popular movement, and +partly by that simple desire, which gives so much zest to the life of +youth, of risking it on all possible occasions, I had taken an active +part, chiefly as an officious spectator, in all the principal events of +those stirring years. It was in the spring of 1862 that I found matters +beginning to settle down to a degree that threatened monotony; and with +the termination of the winter gaieties at Naples and the close of the San +Carlo, I seriously bethought me of accepting the offer of a naval friend +who was about to engage in blockade-running, and offered to land me in +the Confederate States, when a recrudescence of activity on the part of +the brigand bands in Calabria induced me to turn my attention in that +direction. The first question I had to consider was, whether I should +enjoy myself most by joining the brigands, or the troops which were +engaged in suppressing them. As the former aspired to a political +character, and called themselves patriotic bands fighting for their +Church, their country, and their King--the refugee monarch of Naples--one +could espouse their cause without exactly laying one's self open to the +charge of being a bandit; but it was notorious in point of fact that the +bands cared for neither the Pope nor the exiled King nor their annexed +country, but committed the most abominable atrocities in the names of all +the three, for the simple purpose of filling their pockets. I foresaw +not only extreme difficulty in being accepted as a member of the +fraternity, more especially as I had hitherto been identified with the +Garibaldians; but also the probability of finding myself compromised by +acts from which my conscience would revolt, and for which my life would +in all likelihood pay the forfeit. On the other hand, I could think of +no friend among the officers of the Bersaglieri and cavalry regiments, +then engaged in brigand-hunting in the Capitanata and Basilicata, to whom +I could apply for an invitation to join them. + +Under these circumstances, I determined to trust to the chapter of +accidents; and armed with a knapsack, a sketch-book, and an air-gun, took +my seat one morning in the Foggia diligence, with the vague idea of +getting as near the scene of operations as possible, and seeing what +would turn up. The air-gun was not so much a weapon of offence or +defence as a means of introduction to the inhabitants. It had the +innocent appearance of rather a thick walking-cane, with a little brass +trigger projecting; and in the afternoon I would join the group sitting +in front of the chemist's, which, for some reason or other, is generally +a sort of open-air club in a small Neapolitan town, or stroll into the +single modest _cafe_ of which it might possibly boast, and toy +abstractedly with the trigger. This, together with my personal +appearance--for do what I would, I could never make myself look like a +Neapolitan--would be certain to attract attention, and some one bolder +than the rest would make himself the spokesman, and politely ask me +whether the cane in my hand was an umbrella or a fishing-rod; on which I +would amiably reply that it was a gun, and that I should have much +pleasure in exhibiting my skill and the method of its operation to the +assembled company. Then the whole party would follow me to an open +space, and I would call for a pack of cards, and possibly--for I was a +good shot in those days--pink the ace of hearts at fifteen paces. At any +rate my performances usually called forth plaudits, and this involved a +further interchange of compliments and explanations, and the production +of my sketch-book, which soon procured me the acquaintance of some ladies +and an invitation as an English artist, to the house of some respectable +citizen. + +So it happened that, getting out of the diligence before it reached +Foggia, I struck south, and wandered for some days from one little town +to another, being always hospitably entertained, whether there happened +to be an _albergo_ or not, at private houses, seeing in this way more of +the manners and customs of the inhabitants than would have been otherwise +possible, gaining much information as to the haunts of the brigands, the +whereabouts of the troops, and hearing much local gossip generally. The +ignorance of the most respectable classes at this period was astounding; +it has doubtless all changed since. I have been at a town of 2000 +inhabitants, not one of whom took in a newspaper: the whole population, +therefore, was in as profound ignorance of what was transpiring in the +rest of the world as if they had been in Novaia Zemlia. I have stayed +with a mayor who did not know that England was an island; I have been the +guest of a citizen who had never heard of Scotland, and to whom, +therefore, my nationality was an enigma: but I never met any one--I mean +of this same class--who had not heard of Palmerston. He was a mysterious +personage, execrated by the "blacks" and adored by the "reds." And I +shone with a reflected lustre as the citizen of a country of which he was +the Prime Minister. As a consequence, we had political discussions, +which were protracted far into the night, for the principal meal of the +twenty-four hours was a 10 o'clock P.M. supper, at which, after the +inevitable macaroni, were many unwholesome dishes, such as salads made of +thistles, cows' udders, and other delicacies, which deprived one of all +desire for sleep. Notwithstanding which, we rose early, my hostess and +the ladies of the establishment appearing in the early part of the day in +the most extreme deshabille. Indeed, on one occasion when I was first +introduced into the family of a respectable citizen, and shown into my +bedroom, I mistook one of two females who were making the bed for the +servant, and was surprised to see her hand a little douceur I gave her as +an earnest of attention on her part, to the other with a smile. She soon +afterwards went to bed: we all did, from 11 A.M. till about 3 P.M., at +which hour I was horrified to meet her arrayed in silks and satins, and +to find that she was the wife of my host. She kindly took me a drive +with her in a carriage and pair, and with a coachman in livery. + +It was by this simple means, and by thus imposing myself upon the +hospitality of these unsophisticated people, that I worked my way by slow +degrees, chiefly on foot, into the part of the country I desired to +visit; and I trust that I in a measure repaid them for it by the stores +of information which I imparted to them, and of which they stood much in +need, and by little sketches of their homes and the surrounding scenery, +with which I presented them. I was, indeed, dependent in some measure +for hospitality of this description, as I had taken no money with me, +partly because, to tell the truth, I had scarcely got any, and partly +because I was afraid of being robbed by brigands of the little I had. I +therefore eschewed the character of a _milordo Inglese_; but I never +succeeded in dispelling all suspicion that I might not be a nephew of the +Queen, or at least a very near relative of "Palmerston" in disguise. It +was so natural, seeing what a deep interest both her Majesty and the +Prime Minister took in Italy, that they should send some one _incognito_ +whom they could trust to tell them all about it. + +Meantime, I was not surprised, when I came to know the disposition of the +inhabitants, at the success of brigandage. It has never been my fortune +before or since to live among such a timid population. One day at a +large town a leading landed proprietor received notice that if he did not +pay a certain sum in black-mail,--I forget at this distance of time the +exact amount,--his farm or _masseria_ would be robbed. This farm, which +was in fact a handsome country-house, was distant about ten miles from +the town. He therefore made an appeal to the citizens that they should +arm themselves, and help him to defend his property, as he had determined +not to pay, and had taken steps to be informed as to the exact date when +the attack was to be made in default of payment. More than 300 citizens +enrolled themselves as willing to turn out in arms. On the day preceding +the attack by the brigands, a rendezvous was given to these 300 on the +great square for five in the morning, and thither I accordingly repaired, +unable, however, to induce my host to accompany me, although he had +signed as a volunteer. On reaching the rendezvous, I found the landed +proprietor and a friend who was living with him, and about ten minutes +afterwards two other volunteers strolled up. Five was all we could +muster out of 300. It was manifestly useless to attempt anything with so +small a force, and no arguments could induce any of the others to turn +out: so the unhappy gentleman had the satisfaction of knowing that the +brigands had punctually pillaged his place, carrying off all his live +stock on the very day and at the very hour they said they would. As for +the inhabitants venturing any distance from town, except under military +escort, such a thing was unknown, and all communication with Naples was +for some time virtually intercepted. I was regarded as a sort of +monomaniac of recklessness, because I ventured on a solitary walk of a +mile or two in search of a sketch,--an act of no great audacity on my +part, for I had walked through various parts of the country without +seeing a brigand, and found it difficult to realise that there was any +actual danger in strolling a mile from a moderately large town. + +Emboldened by impunity, I was tempted one day to follow up a most +romantic glen in search of a sketch, when I came upon a remarkably +handsome peasant girl, driving a donkey before her loaded with wood. My +sudden appearance on the narrow path made the animal shy against a +projecting piece of rock, off which he rebounded to the edge of the path, +which, giving way, precipitated him and his load down the ravine. He was +brought up unhurt against a bush some twenty feet below, the fagots of +wood being scattered in his descent in all directions. For a moment the +girl's large fierce eyes flashed upon me with anger; but the impetuosity +with which I went headlong after the donkey, with a view of repairing my +error, and the absurd attempts I made to reverse the position of his +feet, which were in the air, converted her indignation into a hearty fit +of laughter, as, seeing that the animal was apparently uninjured, she +scrambled down to my assistance. By our united efforts we at last +succeeded in hoisting the donkey up to the path, and then I collected the +wood and helped her to load it again--an operation which involved a +frequent meeting of hands, and of the eyes, which had now lost the +ferocity that had startled me at first, and seemed getting more soft and +beaming every time I glanced at them, till at last, producing my sketch- +book, I ventured to remark, "Ah, signorina, what a picture you would +make! Now that the ass is loaded, let me draw you before we part, that I +may carry away the recollection of the loveliest woman I have seen." + +"First draw the donkey," she replied, "that I may carry away a +recollection of the _galantuomo_ who first upset him over the bank, and +then helped me to load him." + +Smiling at this ambiguous compliment, I gave her the sketch she desired, +and was about to claim my reward, when she abruptly remarked-- + +"There is not time now; it is getting late, and I must not linger, as I +have still an hour to go before reaching home. How is it that you are +not afraid to be wandering in this solitary glen by yourself? Do you not +know the risks?" + +"I have heard of them, but I do not believe in them," I said; "besides, I +should be poor plunder for robbers." + +"But you have friends, who would pay to ransom you, I suppose, if you +were captured?" + +"My life is not worth a hundred _scudi_ to any of them," I replied, +laughing; "but I am willing to forego the pleasure of drawing you now, +_bellissima_, if you will tell me where you live, and let me come and +paint you there at my leisure." + +"You're a brave one," she said, with a little laugh; "there is not +another man in all Ascoli who would dare to pay me a visit without an +escort of twenty soldiers. But I am too grateful for your amiability to +let you run such a risk. _Addio_, Signer Inglese. There are many +reasons why I can't let you draw my picture, but I am not ungrateful, +see!"--and she offered me her cheek, on which I instantly imprinted a +chaste and fraternal salute. + +"Don't think that you've seen the last of me, _carissima_," I called out, +as she turned away. "I shall live on the memory of that kiss till I have +an opportunity of repeating it." + +And as I watched her retreating figure with an artist's eye, I was struck +with its grace and suppleness, combined, as I had observed while she was +helping me to load the donkey, with an unusual degree of muscular +strength for a woman. + +The spot at which this episode had taken place was so romantic, that I +determined to make a sketch of it, and the shades of evening were closing +in so fast that they warned me to hurry if I would reach the town before +dark. I had just finished it, and was stooping to pick up my air-gun, +when I heard a sudden rush, and before I had time to look up, I was +thrown violently forward on my face, and found myself struggling in the +embrace of a powerful grasp, from which I had nearly succeeded in freeing +myself, when the arms which were clasping me were reinforced by several +more pair, and I felt a rope being passed round my body. + +"All right, signors!" I exclaimed; "I yield to superior numbers. You +need not pull so hard; let me get up, and I promise to go with you +quietly." And by this time I had turned sufficiently on my back to see +that four men were engaged in tying me up. + +"Tie his elbows together, and let him get up," said one; "he is not +armed. Here, Giuseppe, carry his stick and paint-box, while I feel his +pockets. _Corpo di Baccho_! twelve _bajocchi_," he exclaimed, producing +those copper coins with an air of profound disgust. "It is to be hoped +he is worth more to his friends. Now, young man, trudge, and remember +that the first sign you make of attempting to run away, means four +bullets through you." + +As I did not anticipate any real danger, and as a prolonged detention was +a matter of no consequence to a man without an occupation, I stepped +forward with a light heart, rather pleased than otherwise with +anticipations of the brigand's cave, and turning over in my mind whether +or not I should propose to join the band. + +We had walked an hour, and it had become dark, when we turned off the +road, up a narrow path that led between rocky sides to a glade, at the +extremity of which, under an overhanging ledge, was a small cottage, with +what seemed to be a patch of garden in front. + +"Ho! Anita!" called out the man who appeared to be the leader of the +band; "open! We have brought a friend to supper, who will require a +night's lodgings." + +An old woman with a light appeared, and over her shoulder, to my delight, +I saw the face I had asked to be allowed to paint so shortly before. I +was about to recognise her with an exclamation, when I saw a hurried +motion of her finger to her lip, which looked a natural gesture to the +casual observer, but which I construed into a sign of prudence. + +"Where did you pick him up, Croppo?" she asked carelessly. "He ought to +be worth something." + +"Just twelve _bajocchi_," he answered with a sneering laugh. "Come, +_amico mio_, you will have to give us the names of some of your friends." + +"I am tolerably intimate with his Holiness the Pope, and I have a bowing +acquaintance with the King of Naples, whom may God speedily restore to +his own," I replied in a light and airy fashion, which seemed exceedingly +to exasperate the man called Croppo. + +"Oh yes, we know all about that; we never catch a man who does not +profess to be a _Nero_ of the deepest dye in order to conciliate our +sympathies. It is just as well that you should understand, my friend, +that all are fish who come into our net. The money of the Pope's friends +is quite as good as the money of Garibaldi's. You need not hope to put +us off with your Italian friends of any colour: what we want is English +gold--good solid English gold, and plenty of it." + +"Ah," said I, with a laugh, "if you did but know, my friend, how long I +have wanted it too. If you could only suggest an Englishman who would +pay you for my life, I would write to him immediately, and we would go +halves in the ransom. Hold!" I said, a bright idea suddenly striking me; +"suppose I were to write to my Government--how would that do?" + +Croppo was evidently puzzled: my cheerful and unembarrassed manner +apparently perplexed him. He had a suspicion that I was even capable of +the audacity of making a fool of him, and yet that proposition about the +Government rather staggered him. There might be something in it. + +"Don't you think," he remarked grimly, "it would add to the effect of +your communication if you were to enclose your own ears in your letter? I +can easily supply them; and if you are not a little more guarded in your +speech, you may possibly have to add your tongue." + +"It would not have the slightest effect," I replied, paying no heed to +this threat; "you don't know Palmerston as I do. If you wish to get +anything out of him you must be excessively civil. What does he care +about my ears?" And I laughed with such scornful contempt that Croppo +this time felt that he had made a fool of himself; and I observed the +lovely girl behind, while the corners of her mouth twitched with +suppressed laughter, make a sign of caution. + +"_Per Dio_!" he exclaimed, jumping up with fury, "understand, Signor +Inglese, that Croppo is not to be trifled with. I have a summary way of +treating disrespect," and he drew a long and exceedingly sharp-looking +two-edged knife. + +"So you would kill the goose"--and I certainly am a goose, I +reflected--"that may lay a golden egg." But my allusion was lost upon +him, and I saw my charmer touch her forehead significantly, as though to +imply to Croppo that I was weak in the upper storey. + +"An imbecile without friends and twelve _bajocchi_ in his pocket," he +muttered savagely. "Perhaps the night without food will restore his +senses. Come, fool!" and he roughly pushed me into a dark little chamber +adjoining. "Here, Valeria, hold the light." + +So Valeria was the name of the heroine of the donkey episode. As she +held a small oil-lamp aloft, I perceived that the room in which I was to +spend the night had more the appearance of a cellar than a chamber; it +had been excavated on two sides from the bank, on the third there was a +small hole about six inches square, apparently communicating with another +room, and on the fourth was the door by which I had entered, and which +opened into the kitchen and general living-room of the inhabitants. There +was a heap of onions running to seed, the fagots of firewood which +Valeria had brought that afternoon, and an old cask or two. + +"Won't you give him some kind of a bed?" she asked Croppo. + +"Bah! he can sleep on the onions," responded that worthy. "If he had +been more civil and intelligent he should have had something to eat. You +three," he went on, turning to the other men, "sleep in the kitchen, and +watch that the prisoner does not escape. The door has a strong bolt +besides. Come, Valeria." + +And the pair disappeared, leaving me in a dense gloom, strongly pervaded +by an odour of fungus and decaying onions. Groping into one of the +casks, I found some straw, and spreading it on a piece of plank, I +prepared to pass the night sitting with my back to the driest piece of +wall I could find, which happened to be immediately under the airhole, a +fortunate circumstance, as the closeness was often stifling. I had +probably been dozing for some time in a sitting position, when I felt +something tickle the top of my head. The idea that it might be a large +spider caused me to start, when stretching up my hand, it came in contact +with what seemed to be a rag, which I had not observed. Getting +carefully up, I perceived a faint light gleaming through the aperture, +and then saw that a hand was protruded through it, apparently waving the +rag. As I felt instinctively that the hand was Valeria's, I seized the +finger-tips, which was all I could get hold of, and pressed them to my +lips. They were quickly drawn away, and then the whisper reached my +ears-- + +"Are you hungry?" + +"Yes." + +"Then eat this," and she passed me a tin pannikin full of cold macaroni, +which would just go through the opening. + +"Dear Valeria," I said, with my mouth full, "how good and thoughtful you +are!" + +"Hush! he'll hear." + +"Who?" + +"Croppo." + +"Where is he?" + +"Asleep in the bed just behind me." + +"How do you come to be in his bedroom?" + +"Because I'm his wife." + +"Oh!" A long pause during which I collapsed upon my straw seat, and +swallowed macaroni thoughtfully. As the result of my +meditations--"Valeria _carissima_." + +"Hush! Yes." + +"Can't you get me out of this infernal den?" + +"Perhaps, if they all three sleep in the kitchen; at present one is +awake. Watch for my signal, and if they all three sleep, I will manage +to slip the bolt. Then you must give me time to get back into bed, and +when you hear me snore you may make the attempt. They are all three +sleeping on the floor, so be very careful where you tread; I will also +leave the front door a little open, so that you can slip through without +noise." + +"Dearest Valeria!" + +"Hush! Yes." + +"Hand me that cane--it is my fishing-rod, you know--through this hole; +you can leave the sketch-book and paint-box under the tree that the +donkey fell against,--I will call for them some day soon. And, Valeria, +don't you think we could make our lips meet through this beastly hole?" + +"Impossible. There's my hand; heavens! Croppo would murder me if he +knew. Now keep quiet till I give the signal. Oh, do let go my hand!" + +"Remember, Valeria, _bellissima_, _carissima_, whatever happens, that I +love you." + +But I don't think she heard this, and I went and sat on the onions +because I could see the hole better, and the smell of them kept me awake. + +It was at least two hours after this that the faint light appeared at the +hole in the wall, and a hand was pushed through. I rushed at the finger- +tips. + +"Here's your fishing-rod," she said when I had released them, and she had +passed me my air-gun. "Now be very careful how you tread. There is one +asleep across the door, but you can open it about two feet. Then step +over him; then make for a gleam of moonlight that comes through the crack +of the front door, open it very gently and slip out. _Addio, caro +Inglese_; mind you wait till you hear me snoring." + +Then she lingered, and I heard a sigh. "What is it, sweet Valeria?" and +I covered her hand with kisses. + +"I wish Croppo had blue eyes like you." + +This was murmured so softly that I may have been mistaken, but I'm nearly +sure that was what she said; then she drew softly away, and two minutes +afterwards I heard her snoring. As the first sound issued from her +lovely nostrils, I stealthily approached the door, gently pushed it open; +stealthily stepped over a space which I trusted cleared the recumbent +figure that I could not see; cleared him; stole gently on for the streak +of moonlight; trod squarely on something that seemed like an outstretched +hand, for it gave under my pressure and produced a yell; felt that I must +now rush for my life; dashed the door open, and down the path with four +yelling ruffians at my heels. I was a pretty good runner, but the moon +was behind a cloud, and the way was rocky,--moreover, there must have +been a short cut I did not know, for one of my pursuers gained upon me +with unaccountable rapidity--he appeared suddenly within ten yards of my +heels. The others were at least a hundred yards behind. I had nothing +for it but to turn round, let him almost run against the muzzle of my air- +gun, pull the trigger, and see him fall in his tracks. It was the work +of a second, but it checked my pursuers. They had heard no noise, but +they found something that they did not bargain for, and lingered a +moment, then they took up the chase with redoubled fury. But I had too +good a start; and where the path joined the main road, instead of turning +down towards the town, as they expected I would, I dodged round in the +opposite direction, the uncertain light this time favouring me, and I +heard their footsteps and their curses dying away on the wrong track. +Nevertheless I ran on at full speed, and it was not till the day was +dawning that I began to feel safe and relax my efforts. The sun had been +up an hour when I reached a small town, and the little _locanda_ was just +opening for the day when I entered it, thankful for a hot cup of coffee, +and a dirty little room, with a dirtier bed, where I could sleep off the +fatigue and excitement of the night. I was strolling down almost the +only street in the afternoon when I met a couple of carabineers riding +into it, and shortly after encountered the whole troop, to my great +delight, in command of an intimate friend whom I had left a month before +in Naples. + +"Ah, _caro mio_!" he exclaimed, when he saw me, "well met. What on earth +are you doing here?--looking for those brigands you were so anxious to +find when you left Naples? Considering that you are in the heart of +their country, you should not have much difficulty in gratifying your +curiosity." + +"I have had an adventure or two," I replied carelessly. "Indeed that is +partly the reason you find me here. I was just thinking how I could get +safely back to Ascoli, when your welcome escort appeared; for I suppose +you are going there, and will let me take advantage of it." + +"Only too delighted; and you can tell me your adventures. Let us dine +together tonight, and I will find you a horse to ride on with us in the +morning." + +I am afraid my account of the episode with which I have acquainted the +reader was not strictly accurate in all its details, as I did not wish to +bring down my military friends on poor Valeria, so I skipped all allusion +to her and my detention in her home; merely saying that I had had a +scuffle with brigands, and had been fortunate enough to escape under +cover of the night. As we passed it next morning I recognised the path +which led up to Valeria's cottage, and shortly after observed that young +woman herself coming up the glen. + +"Holloa!" I said, with great presence of mind as she drew near, "my +lovely model, I declare! Just you ride on, old fellow, while I stop and +ask her when she can come and sit to me again." + +"You artists are sad rogues,--what chances your profession must give +you!" remarked my companion, as he cast an admiring glance on Valeria, +and rode discreetly on. + +"There is nothing to be afraid of, lovely Valeria," I said in a low tone, +as I lingered behind; "be sure I will never betray either you or your +rascally--hem! I mean your excellent Croppo. By the way, was that man +much hurt that I was obliged to trip up?" + +"Hurt! Santa Maria, he is dead, with a bullet through his heart. Croppo +says it must have been magic; for he had searched you, and he knew you +were not armed, and he was within a hundred yards of you when poor Pippo +fell, and he heard no sound." + +"Croppo is not far wrong," I said, glad of the opportunity thus offered +of imposing on the ignorance and credulity of the natives. "He seemed +surprised that he could not frighten me the other night. Tell him he was +much more in my power than I was in his, dear Valeria," I added, looking +tenderly into her eyes. "I didn't want to alarm you, that was the reason +I let him off so easily; but I may not be so merciful next time. Now, +sweetest, that kiss you owe me, and which the wall prevented your giving +me the other night." She held up her face with the innocence of a child, +as I stooped from my saddle. + +"I shall never see you again, Signer Inglese," she said, with a sigh; +"for Croppo says it is not safe, after what happened the night before +last, to stay another hour. Indeed he went off yesterday, leaving me +orders to follow to-day; but I went first to put your sketch-book under +the bush where the donkey fell, and where you will find it." + +It took us another minute or two to part after this; and when I had +ridden away I turned to look back, and there was Valeria gazing after me. +"Positively," I reflected, "I am over head and ears in love with the +girl, and I believe she is with me. I ought to have nipped my feelings +in the bud when she told me she was his wife; but then he is a brigand, +who threatened both my ears and my tongue, to say nothing of my life. To +what extent is the domestic happiness of such a ruffian to be respected?" +and I went on splitting the moral straws suggested by this train of +thought, until I had recovered my sketch-book and overtaken my escort, +with whom I rode triumphantly back into Ascoli, where my absence had been +the cause of much anxiety, and my fate was even then being eagerly +discussed. My friends with whom I usually sat round the chemist's door, +were much exercised by the reserve which I manifested in reply to the +fire of cross-examination to which I was subjected for the next few days; +and English eccentricity, which was proverbial even in this secluded +town, received a fresh illustration in the light and airy manner with +which I treated a capture and escape from brigands, which I regarded with +such indifference that I could not be induced even to condescend to +details. "It was a mere scuffle; there were only four; and, being an +Englishman, I polished them all off with the 'box,'"--and I closed my +fist, and struck a scientific attitude of self-defence, branching off +into a learned disquisition on the pugilistic art, which filled my +hearers with respect and amazement. From this time forward the sentiment +with which I regarded my air-gun underwent a change. When a friend had +made me a present of it a year before, I regarded it in the light of a +toy, and rather resented the gift as too juvenile. I wonder he did not +give me a kite or a hoop, I mentally reflected. Then I had found it +useful among Italians, who are a trifling people, and like playthings; +but now that it had saved my life, and sent a bullet through a man's +heart, I no longer entertained the same feeling of contempt for it. Not +again would I make light of it,--this potent engine of destruction which +had procured me the character of being a magician. I would hide it from +human gaze, and cherish it as a sort of fetish. So I bought a walking- +stick and an umbrella, and strapped it up with them, wrapped in my plaid; +and when, shortly after, an unexpected remittance from an aunt supplied +me with money enough to buy a horse from one of the officers of my +friend's regiment, which soon after arrived, I accepted their invitation +to accompany them on their brigand-hunting expeditions, not one of them +knew that I had such a weapon as an air-gun in my possession. + +Our _modus operandi_ on these occasions was as follows: On receiving +information from some proprietor that the brigands were threatening his +property,--it was impossible to get intelligence from the peasantry, for +they were all in league with the brigands; indeed they all took a holiday +from regular work, and joined a band for a few weeks from time to +time,--we proceeded, with a force sufficiently strong to cope with the +supposed strength of the band, to the farm in question. The bands were +all mounted, and averaged from 200 to 400 men each. It was calculated +that upwards of 2000 men were thus engaged in harrying the country, and +this enabled the _Neri_ to talk of the king's forces engaged in +legitimate warfare against those of Victor Emmanuel. Riding over the +vast plains of the Capitanata, we would discern against the sky-outline +the figure of a solitary horseman. This we knew to be a picket. Then +there was no time to be lost, and away we would go for him helter-skelter +across the plain; he would instantly gallop in on the main body, probably +occupying a _masseria_. If they thought they were strong enough, they +would show fight. If not, they would take to their heels in the +direction of the mountains, with us in full cry after them. If they were +hardly pressed they would scatter, and we were obliged to do the same, +and the result would be that the swiftest horsemen might possibly effect +a few captures. It was an exciting species of warfare, partaking a good +deal more of the character of a hunting-field than of cavalry +skirmishing. Sometimes, where the ground was hilly, we had Bersaglieri +with us; and as the brigands took to the mountains, the warfare assumed a +different character. Sometimes, in default of these active little +troops, we took local volunteers, whom we found a very poor substitute. +On more than one occasion when we came upon the brigands in a farm, they +thought themselves sufficiently strong to hold it against us, and once +the cowardice of the volunteers was amusingly illustrated. The band was +estimated at about 200, and we had 100 volunteers and a detachment of 50 +cavalry. On coming under the fire of the brigands, the cavalry captain, +who was in command, ordered the volunteers to charge, intending when they +had dislodged the enemy to ride him down on the open; but the volunteer +officer did not repeat the word, and stood stock-still, his men all +imitating his example. + +"Charge! I say," shouted the cavalry captain; "why don't you charge? I +believe you're afraid!" + +"_E vero_," said the captain of volunteers, shrugging his shoulders. + +"Here, take my horse--you're only fit to be a groom; and you, men, +dismount and let these cowards hold your horses, while you follow +me,"--and jumping from his horse, the gallant fellow, followed by his +men, charged the building, from which a hot fire was playing upon them, +sword in hand. In less than a quarter of an hour the brigands were +scampering, some on foot and some on horseback, out of the +farm-buildings, followed by a few stray and harmless shots from such of +the volunteers as had their hands free. We lost three men killed and +five wounded in this little skirmish, and killed six of the brigands, +besides making a dozen prisoners. When I say we, I mean my companions; +for having no weapon, I had discreetly remained with the volunteers. The +scene of this gallant exploit was on the classic battle-field of Cannae. +This captain, who was not the friend I had joined the day after my +brigand adventure, was a most plucky and dashing cavalry officer, and was +well seconded by his men, who were all Piedmontese, and of very different +temperament from the Neapolitans. On one occasion a band of 250 brigands +waited for us on the top of a small hill, never dreaming that we should +charge up it with the odds five to one against us--but we did; and after +firing a volley at us, which emptied a couple of saddles, they broke and +fled when we were about twenty yards from them. Then began one of the +most exciting scurries across country it was ever my fortune to be +engaged in. The brigands scattered--so did we; and I found myself with +two troopers in chase of a pair of bandits, one of whom seemed to be the +chief of the band. A small stream wound through the plain, which we +dashed across. Just beyond was a tributary ditch, which would have been +considered a fair jump in the hunting-field: both brigands took it in +splendid style. The hindmost was not ten yards ahead of the leading +trooper, who came a cropper, on which the brigand reined up, fired a +pistol-shot into the prostrate horse and man, and was off: but the delay +cost him dear. The other trooper, who was a little ahead of me, got +safely over. I followed suit. In another moment he had fired his +carbine into the brigand's horse, and down they both came by the run. We +instantly reined up, for I saw there was no chance of overtaking the +remaining brigand, and the trooper was in the act of cutting down the man +as he struggled to his feet, when to my horror I recognised the lovely +features of--Valeria. + +"Stay, man!" I shouted, throwing myself from my horse; "it's a woman! +touch her if you dare!" and then seeing the man's eye gleam with +indignation, I added, "Brave soldiers, such as you have proved yourself +to be, do not kill women; though your traducers say you do, do not give +them cause to speak truth. I will be responsible for this woman's +safety. Here, to make it sure, you had better strap us together." I +piqued myself exceedingly on this happy inspiration, whereby I secured an +arm-in-arm walk, of a peculiar kind it is true, with Valeria, and indeed +my readiness to sacrifice myself seemed rather to astonish the soldier, +who hesitated. However, his comrade, whose horse had been shot in the +ditch, now came up, and seconded my proposal, as I offered him a mount on +mine. + +"How on earth am I to let you escape, dear Valeria?" I whispered, giving +her a sort of affectionate nudge: the position of our arms prevented my +squeezing hers, as I could have wished, and the two troopers kept behind +us, watching us, I thought, suspiciously. + +"It is quite impossible now--don't attempt it," she answered; "perhaps +there may be an opportunity later." + +"Was that Croppo who got away?" I asked. "Yes. He could not get his +cowardly men to stand on that hill." + +"What a bother those men are behind, dearest! Let me pretend to scratch +my nose with this hand that is tied to yours, which I can thus bring to +my lips." + +I accomplished this manoeuvre rather neatly, but parties now came +straggling in from other directions, and I was obliged to give up +whispering and become circumspect. They all seemed rather astonished at +our group, and the captain laughed heartily as he rode up and called out, +"Who have you got tied to you there, _caro mio_?" + +"Croppo's wife. I had her tied to me for fear she should escape; +besides, she is not bad-looking." + +"What a prize!" he exclaimed. "We have made a tolerable haul this +time,--twenty prisoners in all--among them the priest of the band. Our +colonel has just arrived, so I am in luck--he will be delighted. See, +the prisoners are being brought up to him now: but you had better remount +and present yours in a less singular fashion." + +When we reached the colonel we found him examining the priest. His +breviary contained various interesting notes, written on some of the fly- +leaves. For instance:-- + +"Administered extreme unction to A---, shot by Croppo's orders: my share +ten _scudi_. + +"Ditto, ditto, to R---, hung by Croppo's order; my share two _scudi_. + +"Ditto, ditto, to S---, roasted by Croppo's order, to make him name an +agent to bring his ransom: overdone by mistake, and died--so got nothing. + +"Ditto, ditto, to P---, executed by the knife by Croppo's order, for +disobedience. + +"M--- and F---, and D---, three new members, joined to-day: confessed +them, and received the usual fees." + +He was a dark, beetle-browed-looking ruffian, this holy man; and the +colonel, when he had finished examining his book of prayer and crime, +tossed it to me, saying,--"There! that will show your friends in England +the kind of politicians we make war against. Ha! what have we here? This +is more serious." And he unfolded a piece of paper which had been +concealed in the breast of the priest. "This contains a little valuable +information," he added, with a grim smile. "Nobody like priests and +women for carrying about political secrets, so you may have made a +valuable capture," and he turned to where I stood with Valeria; "let her +be carefully searched." + +Now the colonel was a very pompous man, and the document he had just +discovered on the priest added to his sense of self-importance. When, +therefore, a large, carefully folded paper was produced from the +neighbourhood of Valeria's lovely bosom, his eyes sparkled with +anticipation. "Ho, ho!" he exclaimed, as he clutched it eagerly, "the +plot is thickening!" and he spread out triumphantly, before he had +himself seen what it was, the exquisitely drawn portrait of a donkey. +There was a suppressed titter, which exploded into a shout when the +bystanders looked into the colonel's indignant face. I only was affected +differently, as my gaze fell upon this touching evidence of dear +Valeria's love for me, and I glanced at her tenderly. "This has a deeper +significance than you think for," said the colonel, looking round +angrily. "Croppo's wife does not carefully secrete a drawing like that +on her person for nothing. See, it is done by no common artist. It +means something, and must be preserved." + +"It may have a Biblical reference to the state of Italy. You remember +Issachar was likened to an ass between two burdens. In that case it +probably emanated from Rome," I remarked; but nobody seemed to see the +point of the allusion, and the observation fell flat. + +That night I dined with the colonel, and after dinner I persuaded him to +let me visit Valeria in prison, as I wished to take the portrait of the +wife of the celebrated brigand chief. I thanked my stars that my friend +who had seen her when we met in the glen, was away on duty with his +detachment, and could not testify to our former acquaintance. My meeting +with Valeria on this occasion was too touching and full of tender +passages to be of any general interest. Valeria told me that she was +still a bride; that she had only been married a few months, and that she +had been compelled to become Croppo's wife against her choice, as the +brigand's will was too powerful to be resisted; but that, though he was +jealous and attached to her, he was stern and cruel, and so far from +winning her love since her marriage, he had rather estranged it by his +fits of passion and ferocity. As may be imagined, the portrait, which +was really very successful, took some time in execution, the more +especially as we had to discuss the possibilities of Valeria's escape. + +"We are going to be transferred to-morrow to the prison at Foggia," she +said. "If, while we were passing through the market-place, a disturbance +of some sort could be created, as it is market day, and all the country +people know me, and are my friends, a rescue might be attempted. I know +how to arrange for that, only they must see some chance of success." + +A bright thought suddenly struck me; it was suggested by a trick I had +played shortly after my arrival in Italy. + +"You know I am something of a magician, Valeria; you have had proof of +that. If I create a disturbance by magic to-morrow, when you are passing +through the market-place, you won't stay to wonder what is the cause of +the confusion, but instantly take advantage of it to escape." + +"Trust me for that, _caro mio_." + +"And if you escape, when shall we meet again?" + +"I am known too well now to risk another meeting. I shall be in hiding +with Croppo, where it will be impossible for you to find me, nor while he +lives could I ever dare to think of leaving him; but I shall never forget +you"--and she pressed my hands to her lips--"though I shall no longer +have the picture of the donkey to remember you by." + +"See, here's my photograph; that will be better," said I, feeling a +little annoyed--foolishly, I admit. Then we strained each other to our +respective hearts, and parted. Now it so happened that my room in the +_locanda_ in which I was lodging overlooked the market-place. Here at +ten o'clock in the morning I posted myself--for that was the hour, as I +had been careful to ascertain, when the prisoners were to start for +Foggia. I opened the window about three inches, and fixed it there: I +took out my gun, put eight balls in it, and looked down upon the square. +It was crowded with the country people in their bright-coloured costumes, +chaffering over their produce. I looked above them to the tall campanile +of the church which filled one side of the square. I receded a step and +adjusted my gun on the ledge of the window to my entire satisfaction. I +then looked down the street in which the prison was situated, and which +debouched on the square, and awaited events. At ten minutes past ten I +saw the soldiers at the door of the prison form up, and then I knew that +the twenty prisoners of whom they formed the escort were starting; but +the moment they began to move, I fired at the big bell in the campanile, +which responded with a loud clang. All the people in the square looked +up. As the prisoners entered the square, which they had to cross in its +whole breadth, I fired again and again. The bell banged twice, and the +people began to buzz about. Now, I thought, I must let the old bell have +it. By the time five more balls had struck the bell with a resounding +din, the whole square was in commotion. A miracle was evidently in +progress, or the campanile was bewitched. People began to run hither and +thither; all the soldiers forming the escort gaped open-mouthed at the +steeple as the clangour continued. As soon as the last shot had been +fired, I looked down into the square and saw all this, and I saw that the +prisoners were attempting to escape, and in more than one instance had +succeeded, for the soldiers began to scatter in pursuit, and the country +people to form themselves into impeding crowds, as though by accident, +but nowhere could I see Valeria. When I was quite sure she had escaped, +I went down and joined the crowd. I saw three prisoners captured and +brought back; and when I asked the officer in command how many had +escaped, he said three--Croppo's wife, the priest, and another. + +When I met my cavalry friends at dinner that evening, it was amusing to +hear them speculate upon the remarkable occurrence which had, in fact, +upset the wits of the whole town. Priests and vergers and sacristans had +visited the campanile, and one of them had brought away a flattened piece +of lead, which looked as if it might have been a bullet; but the +suggestion that eight bullets could have hit the bell in succession +without anybody hearing a sound, was treated with ridicule. I believe +the bell was subsequently exorcised with holy water. I was afraid to +remain with the regiment with my air-gun after this, lest some one should +discover it, and unravel the mystery; besides, I felt a sort of traitor +to the brave friends who had so generously offered me their hospitality, +so I invented urgent private affairs, which demanded my immediate return +to Naples, and on the morning of my departure found myself embraced by +all the officers of the regiment, from the colonel downwards, who, in the +fervour of their kisses, thrust sixteen waxed moustache-points against my +cheeks. + +About eighteen months after this, I heard of the capture and execution of +Croppo, and I knew that Valeria was free; but I had unexpectedly +inherited a property, and was engaged to be married. I am now a country +gentleman with a large family. My sanctum is stocked with various +mementoes of my youthful adventures, but none awakens in me such +thrilling memories as are excited by the breviary of the brigand priest, +and the portrait of the brigand's bride. + + + + +THE SISTERS OF THIBET. + + +It is now nearly twenty-seven years ago--long before the Theosophical +Society was founded, or Esoteric Buddhism was known to exist in the form +recently revealed to us by Mr Sinnett{81}--that I became the _chela_, or +pupil, of an adept of Buddhist occultism in Khatmandhu. At that time +Englishmen, unless attached to the Residency, were not permitted to +reside in that picturesque Nepaulese town. Indeed I do not think that +they are now; but I had had an opportunity during the Indian Mutiny, when +I was attached to the Nepaulese contingent, of forming an intimacy with a +"Guru" connected with the force. It was not until our acquaintance had +ripened into a warm friendship that I gradually made the discovery that +this interesting man held views which differed so widely from the popular +conception of Buddhism as I had known it in Ceylon--where I had resided +for some years--that my curiosity was roused,--the more especially as he +was in the habit of sinking off gradually, even while I was speaking to +him, into trance-conditions, which would last sometimes for a week, +during which time he would remain without food; and upon more than one +occasion I missed even his material body from my side, under +circumstances which appeared to me at the time unaccountable. The +Nepaulese troops were not very often engaged with the rebels during the +Indian Mutiny; but when they were, the Guru was always to be seen under +the hottest fire, and it was generally supposed by the army that his +body, so far from being impervious to bullets, was so pervious to them +that they could pass through it without producing any organic +disturbance. I was not aware of this fact at first; and it was not until +I observed that, while he stood directly in the line of fire, men were +killed immediately behind him, that I ceased to accompany him into +action, and determined, if possible, to solve a mystery which had begun +to stimulate my curiosity to the highest pitch. It is not necessary for +me to enter here into the nature of the conversations I had with him on +the most important and vital points affecting universal cosmogony and the +human race and its destiny. Suffice it to say, that they determined me +to sever my connection with the Government of India; to apply privately, +through my friend the Guru, to the late Jung Bahadoor for permission to +reside in Nepaul; and finally, in the garb of an Oriental, to take up my +residence in Khatmandhu, unknown to the British authorities. I should +not now venture on this record of my experiences, or enter upon the +revelation of a phase hitherto unknown and unsuspected, of that esoteric +science which has, until now, been jealously guarded as a precious +heritage belonging exclusively to regularly initiated members of +mysteriously organised associations, had not Mr Sinnett, with the consent +of a distinguished member of the Thibetan brotherhood, and, in fact, at +his dictation, let, if I may venture to use so profane an expression in +connection with such a sacred subject, "the cat out of the bag." Since, +however, the _arhats_, or illuminati, of the East, seem to have arrived +at the conclusion that the Western mind is at last sufficiently prepared +and advanced in spiritual knowledge to be capable of assimilating the +occult doctrines of Esoteric Buddhism, and have allowed their pupil to +burst them upon a thoughtless and frivolous society with the suddenness +of a bomb-shell, I feel released from the obligations to secrecy by which +I have hitherto felt bound, and will proceed to unfold a few arcana of a +far more extraordinary character than any which are to be found even in +the pages of the 'Theosophist' or of 'Esoteric Buddhism.' + +Owing to certain conditions connected with my _linga sharira_, or "astral +body"--which it would be difficult for me to explain to those who are not +to some extent initiated--I passed through the various degrees of _chela_- +ship with remarkable rapidity. When I say that in less than fifteen +years of spiritual absorption and profound contemplation of esoteric +mysteries I became a _mahatma_, or adept, some idea may be formed by +_chelas_ who are now treading that path of severe ordeal, of the rapidity +of my progress: indeed, such extraordinary faculty did I manifest, that +at one time the Guru, my master, was inclined to think that I was one of +those exceptional cases which recur from time to time, where a child-body +is selected as the human tenement of a reincarnated adept; and that +though belonging by rights to the fourth round, I was actually born into +the fifth round of the human race in the planetary chain. "The adept," +says an occult aphorism, "becomes; he is not made." That was exactly my +case. I attribute it principally to an overweening confidence in myself, +and to a blind faith in others. As Mr Sinnett very properly remarks-- + + "Very much further than people generally imagine, will mere confidence + carry the occult neophyte. How many European readers who would be + quite incredulous if told of some results which occult _chelas_ in the + most incipient stages of their training have to accomplish by sheer + force of confidence, hear constantly in church, nevertheless, the + familiar Biblical assurances of the power which resides in faith, and + let the words pass by like the wind, leaving no impression!" + +It is true that I had some reason for this confidence--which arose from +the fact that prior to my initiation into Buddhist mysteries, and before +I left England, I had developed, under the spiritual craze which was then +prevalent in society, a remarkable faculty of clairvoyance. This gave me +the power not merely of diagnosing the physical and moral conditions of +my friends and acquaintances, and of prescribing for them when necessary, +but of seeing what was happening in other parts of the world; hence my +organism was peculiarly favourable for initiation into occult mysteries, +and naturally--or rather spiritually--prepared for that method in the +regular course of occult training by which adepts impart instruction to +their pupils. + + "They awaken," as we are most accurately informed by Mr Sinnett, "the + dormant sense in the pupil, and through this they imbue his mind with + a knowledge that such and such a doctrine is the real truth. The + whole scheme of evolution infiltrates into the regular _chela's_ mind, + by reason of the fact that he is made to see the process taking place + by clairvoyant vision. There are no words used in his instruction at + all. And adepts themselves, to whom the facts and processes of nature + are as familiar as our five fingers to us, find it difficult to + explain in a treatise which they cannot illustrate for us, by + producing mental pictures in our dormant sixth sense, the complex + anatomy of the planetary system." + +I have always felt--and my conviction on the subject has led to some +painful discussions between myself and some of my _mahatma_ brothers--that +the extreme facility with which I was enabled to perceive at a glance +"the complex anatomy of the planetary system," and the rapid development +of my "dormant sixth sense," was due mainly to the fact that I was +nothing more nor less than what spiritualists call a highly sensitive +medium. Meantime this premature development of my sixth sense forced me +right up through the obstacles which usually impede such an operation in +the case of a fourth-round man, into that stage of evolution which awaits +the rest of humanity--or rather, so much of humanity as may reach it in +the ordinary course of nature--in the latter part of the fifth round. I +merely mention this to give confidence to my readers, as I am about to +describe a moral cataclysm which subsequently took place in my sixth +sense, which would be of no importance in the case of an ordinary +_chela_, but which was attended with the highest significance as +occurring to a _mahatma_ who had already attained the highest grade in +the mystic brotherhood. It was not to be wondered at that when I arrived +at this advanced condition, Khatmandhu, though a pleasant town, was not +altogether a convenient residence for an occultist of my eminence. In +the first place, the streets were infested with _dugpas_, or red-caps, a +heretical sect, some members of which have _arhat_ pretensions of a very +high order--indeed I am ready to admit that I have met with Shammar +adepts, who, so far as supernatural powers were concerned, were second to +none among ourselves. But this was only the result of that necromancy +which Buddha in his sixth incarnation denounced in the person of Tsong- +kha-pa, the great reformer. They even deny the spiritual supremacy of +the Dalai Lama at Lhassa, and own allegiance to an impostor who lives at +the monastery of Sakia Djong. + +The presence of these men, and the presumption of their adepts, who +maintained that through subjective or clairvoyant conditions, which they +asserted were higher than ours, they had attained a more exalted degree +of illumination which revealed a different cosmogony from that which has +been handed down to us through countless generations of adepts, were a +perpetual annoyance to me; but perhaps not greater than the proximity of +the English Resident and the officers attached to him, the impure +exhalations from whose _rupas_, or material bodies, infected as they were +with magnetic elements drawn from Western civilisation, whenever I met +them, used to send me to bed for a week. I therefore strongly felt the +necessity of withdrawal to that isolated and guarded region where the +most advanced adepts can pursue their contemplative existence without +fear of interruption, and prepare their _karma_, or, in other words, the +molecules of their fifth principle, for the ineffable bliss of +appropriate development in _devachan_--a place, or rather "state," +somewhat resembling Purgatory with a dash of heaven in it; or even for +the still more exquisite sensation which arises from having no sensations +at all, and which characterises _nirvana_, or a sublime condition of +conscious rest in Omniscience. + +That I am not drawing upon my imagination in alluding to this mysterious +region, or imposing upon the credulity of my readers, I will support my +assertion by the high authority of Mr Sinnett, or rather of his Guru; and +here I may remark incidentally, that after a long experience of Gurus, I +have never yet met one who would consciously tell a lie. + + "From time immemorial," says Mr Sinnett's Guru, "there has been a + certain region in Thibet, which to this day is quite unknown to and + unapproachable by any but initiated persons, and inaccessible to the + ordinary people of the country, as to any others, in which adepts have + always congregated. But the country generally was not in Buddha's + time, as it has since become, the chosen habitation of the great + brotherhood. Much more than they are at present, were the _mahatmas_ + in former times distributed throughout the world. + + "The progress of civilisation engendering the magnetism they find so + trying, had, however, by the date with which we are now dealing--the + fourteenth century--already given rise to a very general movement + towards Thibet on the part of the previously dissociated occultists. + Far more widely than was held to be consistent with the safety of + mankind was occult knowledge and power then found to be disseminated. + To the task of putting it under a rigid system of rule and law did + Tsong-kha-pa address himself." + +Of course, before transferring my material body to this region, I was +perfectly familiar with it by reason of the faculty which, as Mr Sinnett +very truly tells us, is common to all adepts, of being able to flit about +the world at will in your astral body; and here I would remark +parenthetically, that I shall use the term "astral body" to save +confusion, though, as Mr Sinnett again properly says, it is not strictly +accurate under the circumstances. In order to make this clear, I will +quote his very lucid observations on the subject:-- + + "During the last year or two, while hints and scraps of occult science + have been finding their way out into the world, the expression 'astral + body' has been applied to a certain semblance of the human form, fully + inhabited by its higher principles, which can migrate to any distance + from the physical body--projected consciously and with exact intention + by a living adept, or unintentionally by the accidental application of + certain mental forces to his loosened principles by any person at the + moment of death. For ordinary purposes, there is no practical + inconvenience in using the expression 'astral body' for the appearance + so projected--indeed any more strictly accurate expression, as will be + seen directly, would be cumbersome, and we must go on using the phrase + in both meanings. No confusion need arise; but strictly speaking, the + _linga sharira_, or third principle, is the astral body, and that + cannot be sent about as the vehicle of the higher principles." + +As, however, "no confusion need arise" from my describing how I went +about in my _linga sharira_, I will continue to use it as the term for my +vehicle of transportation. Nor need there be any difficulty about my +being in two places at once. I have the authority of Mr Sinnett's Guru +for this statement, and it is fully confirmed by my own experience. For +what says the Guru?--"The individual consciousness, it is argued, cannot +be in two places at once. But first of all, to a certain extent it can." +It is unnecessary for me to add a word to this positive and most correct +statement; but what the Guru has not told us is, that there is a certain +discomfort attending the process. Whenever I went with my astral body, +or _linga sharira_, into the mysterious region of Thibet already alluded +to, leaving my _rupa_, or natural body, in Khatmandhu, I was always +conscious of a feeling of rawness; while the necessity of looking after +my _rupa_--of keeping, so to speak, my astral eye upon it, lest some +accident should befall it, which might prevent my getting back to it, and +so prematurely terminate my physical or objective existence--was a +constant source of anxiety to me. Some idea of the danger which attends +this process may be gathered from the risks incidental to a much more +difficult operation which I once attempted, and succeeded, after +incredible effort, in accomplishing; this was the passage of my fifth +principle, or ego-spirit, into the ineffable condition of _nirvana_. + + "Let it not be supposed," says Mr Sinnett,--for it is not his Guru who + is now speaking,--"that for any adept such a passage can be lightly + undertaken. Only stray hints about the nature of this great mystery + have reached me; but, putting these together, I believe I am right in + saying that the achievement in question is one which only some of the + high initiates are qualified to attempt, which exacts a total + suspension of animation in the body for periods of time compared to + which the longest cataleptic trances known to ordinary science are + insignificant; the protection of the physical frame from natural decay + during this period by means which the resources of occult science are + strained to accomplish; and withal it is a process involving a double + risk to the continued earthly life of the person who undertakes it. + One of these risks is the doubt whether, when once _nirvana_ is + attained, the ego will be willing to return. That the return will be + a terrible effort and sacrifice is certain, and will only be prompted + by the most devoted attachment, on the part of the spiritual + traveller, to the idea of duty in its purest abstraction. The second + great risk is that of allowing the sense of duty to predominate over + the temptation to stay--a temptation, be it remembered, that is not + weakened by the motive that any conceivable penalty can attach to it. + Even then it is always doubtful whether the traveller will be able to + return." + +All this is exactly as Mr Sinnett has described it. I shall never forget +the struggle that I had with my ego when, ignoring "the idea of duty in +its purest abstraction," it refused to abandon the bliss of _nirvana_ for +the troubles of this mundane life; or the anxiety both of my _manas_, or +human soul, and my _buddhi_, or spiritual soul, lest, after by our +combined efforts we had overcome our ego, we should not be able to do our +duty by our _rupa_, or natural body, and get back into it. + +Of course, my migrations to the _mahatma_ region of Thibet were +accompanied by no such difficulty as this--as, to go with your _linga +sharira_, or astral body, to another country, is a very different and +much more simple process than it is to go with your _manas_, or human +soul, into _nirvana_. Still it was a decided relief to find myself +comfortably installed with my material body, or _rupa_, in the house of a +Thibetan brother on that sacred soil which has for so many centuries +remained unpolluted by a profane foot. + +Here I passed a tranquil and contemplative existence for some years, +broken only by such incidents as my passage into _nirvana_, and disturbed +only by a certain subjective sensation of aching or void, by which I was +occasionally attacked, and which I was finally compelled to attribute, +much to my mortification, to the absence of women. In the whole of this +sacred region, the name of which I am compelled to withhold, there was +not a single female. Everybody in it was given up to contemplation and +ascetic absorption; and it is well known that profound contemplation, for +any length of time, and the presence of the fair sex, are incompatible. I +was much troubled by this vacuous sensation, which I felt to be in the +highest degree derogatory to my fifth principle, and the secret of which +I discovered, during a trance-condition which lasted for several months, +to arise from a subtle magnetism, to which, owing to my peculiar organic +condition, I was especially sensitive, and which penetrated the _mahatma_ +region from a tract of country almost immediately contiguous to it in the +Karakorum Mountains, which was as jealously guarded from foreign +intrusion as our own, and which was occupied by the "Thibetan Sisters," a +body of female occultists of whom the Brothers never spoke except in +terms of loathing and contempt. It is not, therefore, to be wondered at +that no mention is made either of them, or the lovely highland district +they occupy, in Mr Sinnett's book. The attraction of this feminine +sphere became at last so overpowering, that I determined to visit it in +my astral body; and now occurred the first of many most remarkable +experiences which were to follow. It is well known to the initiated, +though difficult to explain to those who are not, that in a sense space +ceases to exist for the astral body. When you get out of your _rupa_, +you are out of space as ordinary persons understand it, though it +continues to have a certain subjective existence. + +I was in this condition, and travelling rapidly in the desired direction, +when I became conscious of the presence of the most exquisitely lovely +female astral body which the imagination of man could conceive; and here +I may incidentally remark, that no conception can be formed of the beauty +to which woman can attain by those who have only seen her in her +_rupa_--or, in other words, in the flesh. Woman's real charm consists in +her _linga sharira_--that ethereal duplicate of the physical body which +guides _jiva_, or the second principle, in its work on the physical +particles, and causes it to build up the shape which these assume in the +material. Sometimes it makes rather a failure of it, so far as the +_rupa_ is concerned, but it always retains its own fascinating contour +and deliciously diaphanous composition undisturbed. When my gaze fell +upon this most enchanting object, or rather subject--for I was in a +subjective condition at the time--I felt all the senses appertaining to +my third principle thrill with emotion; but it seemed impossible--which +will readily be understood by the initiated--to convey to her any clear +idea of the admiration she excited, from the fact that we were neither of +us in natural space. Still the sympathy between our _linga shariras_ was +so intense, that I perceived that I had only to go back for my _rupa_, +and travel in it to the region of the sisterhood, to recognise her in her +_rupa_ at once. + +Every _chela_ even knows how impossible it is to make love satisfactorily +in nothing but your _linga sharira_. It is quite different after you are +dead, and have gone in your fourth principle, or _kama rupa_, which is +often translated "body of desire," into _devachan_; for, as Mr Sinnett +most correctly remarks, "The purely sensual feelings and tastes of the +late personality will drop off from it in _devachan_; but it does not +follow that nothing is preservable in that state, except feelings and +thoughts having a direct reference to religion or spiritual philosophy. +On the contrary, all the superior phases, even of sensuous emotion, find +their appropriate sphere of development in _devachan_." Until you are +obliged to go to _devachan_--which, in ordinary parlance, is the place +good men go to when they die--my advice is, stick to your _rupa_; and +indeed it is the instinct of everybody who is not a _mahatma_ to do this. +I admit--though in making this confession I am aware that I shall incur +the contempt of all _mahatmas_--that on this occasion I found my _rupa_ a +distinct convenience, and was not sorry that it was still in existence. +In it I crossed the neutral zone still inhabited by ordinary Thibetans, +and after a few days' travel, found myself on the frontiers of "the +Sisters'" territory. The question which now presented itself was how to +get in. To my surprise, I found the entrances guarded not by women, as I +expected, but by men. These were for the most part young and handsome. + +"So you imagined," said one, who advanced to meet me with an engaging +air, "that you could slip into our territory in your astral body; but +you found that all the entrances _in vacuo_"--I use this word for +convenience--"are as well guarded as those in space. See, here is the +Sister past whom you attempted to force your way: we look after the +physical frontier, and leave the astral or spiritual to the +ladies,"--saying which he politely drew back, and the apparition whose +astral form I knew so well, now approached in her substantial _rupa_--in +fact, she was a good deal stouter than I expected to find her; but I was +agreeably surprised by her complexion, which was much fairer than is +usual among Thibetans--indeed her whole type of countenance was +Caucasian, which was not to be wondered at, considering, as I afterwards +discovered, that she was by birth a Georgian. She greeted me, in the +language common to all Thibetan occultists, as an old acquaintance, and +one whose arrival was evidently expected--indeed she pointed laughingly +to a bevy of damsels whom I now saw trooping towards us, some carrying +garlands, some playing upon musical instruments, some dancing in lively +measures, and singing their songs of welcome as they drew near. Then +Ushas--for that was the name (signifying "The Dawn") of the illuminata +whose acquaintance I had first made _in vacuo_--taking me by the hand, +led me to them, and said-- + +"Rejoice, O my sisters, at the long-anticipated arrival of the Western +_arhat_, who, in spite of the eminence which he has attained in the +mysteries of Esoteric Buddhism, and his intimate connection during so +many years with the Thibetan fraternity, has yet retained enough of his +original organic conditions to render him, even in the isolation of (here +she mentioned the region I had come from) susceptible to the higher +influence of the occult sisterhood. Receive him in your midst as the +_chela_ of a new avatar which will be unfolded to him under your tender +guidance. Take him in your arms, O my sisters, and comfort him with the +doctrines of Ila, the Divine, the Beautiful." + +Taking me in their arms, I now found, was a mere formula or figure of +speech, and consisted only in throwing garlands over me. Still I was +much comforted, not merely by the grace and cordiality of their welcome, +but by the mention of Ila, whose name will doubtless be familiar to my +readers as occurring in a Sanscrit poem of the age immediately following +the Vedic period, called the Satapathabrahmana, when Manu was saved from +the flood, and offered the sacrifice "to be the model of future +generations." By this sacrifice he obtained a daughter named Ila, who +became supernaturally the mother of humanity, and who, I had always felt, +has been treated with too little consideration by the _mahatmas_--indeed +her name is not so much as even mentioned in Mr Sinnett's book. Of +course it was rather a shock to my spiritual pride, that I, a _mahatma_ +of eminence myself, should be told that I was to be adopted as a mere +_chela_ by these ladies; but I remembered those beautiful lines of +Buddha's--I quote from memory--and I hesitated no longer:-- + + "To be long-suffering and meek, + To associate with the tranquil, + Religious talk at due seasons; + This is the greatest blessing." + +"To be long-suffering"--this was a virtue I should probably have a +splendid opportunity of displaying under the circumstances,--"and meek"; +what greater proof of meekness could I give than by becoming the _chela_ +of women? "To associate with the tranquil." I should certainly obey +this precept, and select the most tranquil as my associates, and with +them look forward to enjoying "religious talk at due seasons." Thus +fortified by the precepts of the greatest of all teachers, my mind was at +once made up, and, lifting up my voice, I chanted, in the language of the +occult, some beautiful stanzas announcing my acceptance of their +invitation, which evidently thrilled my hearers with delight. In order +to save unnecessary fatigue, we now transferred ourselves through space, +and, in the twinkling of an eye, I found myself in the enchanting abode +which they called their home, or _dama_. Here a group of young male +_chelas_ were in waiting to attend to our wants; and the remarkable fact +now struck me, that not only were all the women lovely and the men +handsome, but that no trace of age was visible on any of them. Ushas +smiled as she saw what was passing in my mind, and said, without using +any spoken words, for language had already become unnecessary between us, +"This is one of the mysteries which will be explained to you when you +have reposed after the fatigues of your journey; in the meantime +Asvin,"--and she pointed out a _chela_ whose name signified +"Twilight,"--"will show you to your room." I would gladly linger, did my +space allow, over the delights of this enchanting region, and the +marvellously complete and well-organised system which prevailed in its +curiously composed society. Suffice it to say, that in the fairy-like +pavilion which was my home, dwelt twenty-four lovely Sisters and their +twenty-three _chelas_--I was to make the twenty-fourth--in the most +complete and absolute harmony, and that their lives presented the most +charming combination of active industry, harmless gaiety, and innocent +pleasures. By a proper distribution of work and proportionment of +labour, in which all took part, the cultivation of the land, the tending +of the exquisite gardens, with their plashing fountains, fragrant +flowers, and inviting arbours, the herding of the cattle, and the heavier +part of various handicrafts, fell upon the men; while the women looked +after the domestic arrangements--cooked, made or mended and washed the +_chelas_' clothes and their own (both men and women were dressed +according to the purest principles of aesthetic taste), looked after the +dairy, and helped the men in the lighter parts of their industries. + +Various inventions, known only to the occult sisterhood by means of their +studies in the esoteric science of mechanics, contributed to shorten +these labours to an extent which would be scarcely credited by the +uninitiated; but some idea of their nature may be formed from the fact +that methods of storing and applying electricity, unknown as yet in the +West, have here been in operation for many centuries, while telephones, +flying-machines, and many other contrivances still in their infancy with +us, are carried to a high pitch of perfection. In a word, what struck me +at once as the fundamental difference between this sisterhood and the +fraternity of adepts with which I had been associated, was that the +former turned all their occult experiences to practical account in their +daily life in this world, instead of reserving them solely for the +subjective conditions which are supposed by _mahatmas_ to attach +exclusively to another state of existence. + +Owing to these appliances the heavy work of the day was got through +usually in time for a late breakfast, the plates and dishes being washed +up and the knives cleaned by a mechanical process scarcely occupying two +minutes; and the afternoon was usually devoted to the instruction of +_chelas_ in esoteric branches of learning, and their practical +application to mundane affairs, until the cool of the evening, when +parties would be made up either for playing out-of-door games, in the +less violent of which the women took part, or in riding the beautiful +horses of the country, or in flying swiftly over its richly cultivated +and variegated surface, paying visits to other _damas_ or homes, each of +which was occupied on the same scale and in the same manner as our own. +After a late dinner, we usually had concerts, balls, and private +theatricals. + +On the day following my arrival, Ushas explained to me the relationship +in which we were to stand towards each other. She said that marriage was +an institution as yet unknown to them, because their organisms had not +yet attained the conditions to which they were struggling. They had +progressed so far, however, that they had discovered the secret of +eternal youth. Indeed, Ushas herself was 590 years old. I was not +surprised at this, as something of the same kind has occurred more than +once to _rishis_ or very advanced _mahatmas_. As a rule, however, they +are too anxious to go to _nirvana_, to stay on earth a moment longer than +necessary, and prefer rather to come back at intervals: this, we all +know, has occurred at least six times in the case of Buddha, as Mr +Sinnett so well explains. At the same time Ushas announced without +words, but with a slight blush, and a smile of ineffable tenderness, that +from the day of my birth she knew that I was destined to be her future +husband, and that at the appointed time we should be brought together. We +now had our period of probation to go through together, and she told me +that all the other _chelas_ here were going through the necessary +training preparatory to wedlock like myself, and that there would be a +general marrying all round, when the long-expected culminating epoch +should arrive. + +Meantime, in order to enter upon the first stage of my new _chela_-ship, +it became necessary for me to forget all the experiences which I had +acquired during the last twenty years of my life, as she explained that +it would be impossible for my mind to receive the new truths which I had +now to learn so long as I clung to what she called "the fantasies" of my +_mahatma_-ship. I cannot describe the pang which this announcement +produced. Still I felt that nothing must impede my search after truth; +and I could not conceal from myself that, if in winning it I also won +Ushas, I was not to be pitied. Nor to this day have I ever had reason to +regret the determination at which I then arrived. + +It would be impossible for me in the compass of this article to describe +all my experiences in the new life to which I dedicated myself, nor +indeed would it be proper to do so; suffice it to say, that I progressed +beyond my Ushas' most sanguine expectations. And here I would remark, +that I found my chief stimulus to exertion to be one which had been +completely wanting in my former experience. It consisted simply in this, +that altruism had been substituted for egotism. Formerly, I made the +most herculean spiritual effort to tide myself over the great period of +danger--the middle of the fifth round. "That," as Mr Sinnett correctly +says, "is the stupendous achievement of the adept as regards his own +personal interests;" and of course our own interests were all that I or +any of the other _mahatmas_ ever thought of. "He has reached," pursues +our author, "the farther shore of the sea in which so many of mankind +will perish. He waits there, in a contentment which people cannot even +realise without some glimmering of spirituality--the sixth +sense--themselves, for the arrival of his future companions." This is +perfectly true. I always found that the full enjoyment of this sixth +sense among _mahatmas_ was heightened just in proportion to the numbers +of other people who perish, so long as you were safe yourself. + +Here among the Sisters, on the other hand, the principle which was +inculcated was, "Never mind if you perish yourself, so long as you can +save others;" and indeed the whole effort was to elaborate such a system +by means of the concentration of spiritual forces upon earth, as should +be powerful enough to redeem it from its present dislocated and unhappy +condition. To this end had the efforts of the Sisters been directed for +so many centuries, and I had reason to believe that the time was not far +distant when we should emerge from our retirement to be the saviours and +benefactors of the whole human race. It followed from this, of course, +that I retained all the supernatural faculties which I had acquired as a +_mahatma_, and which I now determined to use, not for my own benefit as +formerly, but for that of my fellow-creatures, and was soon able--thanks +to additional faculties, acquired under Ushas' tutorship--to flit about +the world in my astral body without inconvenience. + +I happened to be in London on business the other day in this ethereal +condition, when Mr Sinnett's book appeared, and I at once projected it on +the astral current to Thibet. I immediately received a communication +from Ushas to the effect that it compelled some words of reply from the +sisterhood, and a few days since I received them. I regret that it has +been necessary to occupy so much of the reader's time with personal +details. They were called for in order that he should understand the +source of my information, and my peculiar qualifications for imparting +it. It will be readily understood, after my long connection with the +Thibetan brotherhood, how painful it must be to me to be the instrument +chosen not merely of throwing a doubt upon "the absolute truth concerning +nature, man, the origin of the universe, and the destinies toward which +its inhabitants are tending," to use Mr Sinnett's own words, but actually +to demolish the whole structure of Esoteric Buddhism! Nor would I do +this now were it not that the publication of the book called by that name +has reluctantly compelled the sisterhood to break their long silence. If +the Thibetan Brothers had only held their tongues and kept their secret +as they have done hitherto, they would not now be so rudely disturbed by +the Thibetan Sisters. + +* * * * * + +"The Sisters of Thibet," writes Ushas, of course with an astral pen in +astral ink, "owe their origin to a circumstance which occurred in the +time of Sankaracharya, erroneously supposed by the initiated to be an +incarnation of Buddha. This teacher, who lived more than a century +before the Christian era, dwelt chiefly upon the necessity of pursuing +_gnyanam_ in order to obtain _moksha_--that is to say, the importance of +secret knowledge to spiritual progress, and the consummation thereof. And +he even went so far as to maintain that a man ought to keep all such +knowledge secret from his wife. Now the wife of Sankaracharya, whose +name was Nandana, 'she who rejoices,' was a woman of very profound occult +attainments; and when she found that her husband was acquiring knowledges +which he did not impart to her, she did not upbraid him, but laboured all +the more strenuously in her own sphere of esoteric science, and she even +discovered that all esoteric science had a twofold element in +it--masculine and feminine--and that all discoveries of occult mysteries +engaged in by man alone, were, so to speak, lop-sided, and therefore +valueless. So she conveyed herself secretly, by processes familiar to +her, away from her husband, and took refuge in this region of Thibet in +which we now dwell, and which, with all his knowledges, Sankaracharya was +never able to discover, for they were all subjective, and dealt not with +the material things of this world. And she associated herself here in +the pursuit of knowledge with a learned man called Svasar, 'he who is +friendly,' who considered secret knowledge merely the means to an end, +and even spiritual progress valuable only in so far as it could be used +to help others; and they studied deep mysteries as brother and sister +together--and he had been a _mahatma_ or _rishi_ of the highest +grade--and, owing to the aid he derived from his female associate, he +discovered that the subjective conditions of _nirvana_ and _devachan_ +were the result of one-sided male imaginings which had their origin in +male selfishness; and this conviction grew in him in the degree in which +the Parthivi Mutar, or 'Earth Mother,' became incarnated in Nandana. Thus +was revealed to him the astounding fact that the whole system of the +occult adepts had originated in the natural brains of men who had given +themselves up to egotistical transcendental speculation--in fact, I +cannot better describe the process than in the words of Mr Sinnett +himself, where he alludes to 'the highly cultivated devotees to be met +with occasionally in India, who build up a conception of nature, the +universe and God, entirely on a metaphysical basis, and who have evolved +their systems by sheer force of transcendental thinking--who will take +some established system of philosophy as its groundwork, and amplify on +this to an extent which only an oriental metaphysician could dream of.' + +"This, Mr Sinnett chooses to assume, was not the fact with the Thibet +Brothers; but, in reality, this was just what they did. The fact that +they have outstripped other similar transcendentalists is due to the +circumstance that the original founders of the system were men of more +powerful will and higher attainments than any who have succeeded them. +And on their death they formed a compact spiritual society in the other +world, impregnating the wills and imaginations of their disciples still +on earth with their fantastic theories, which they still retain there, of +a planetary chain, and the spiral advance of the seven rounds, and the +septenary law, and all the rest of it. In order for human beings to come +into these occult knowledges, it is necessary, as Mr Sinnett admits, for +the adepts to go into trance-conditions--in other words, to lose all +control of their normal, or as they would probably call them, their +objective faculties. While in this condition, they are the sport of any +invisible intelligences that choose to play upon them; but fearing lest +they may be accused of this, they erroneously assert that no such +intelligences of a high order have cognisance of what happens in this +world. The fact that _mahatmas_ have powers which appear supernatural +proves nothing, as Mr Sinnett also admits that innumerable _fakirs_ and +_yojis_ possess these as well, whose authority on occultism he deems of +no account, when he says that 'careless inquirers are very apt to +confound such persons with the great adepts of whom they vaguely hear.' +There can be no better evidence of the falsity of the whole conception +than you are yourself. For to prove to you that you were the sport of a +delusion, although your own experience as a _mahatma_ in regard to the +secret processes of nature, and the sensations attendant upon subjective +conditions, exactly corresponded to those of all other _mahatmas_, you +have, under my tutelage, at various times allowed yourself to fall into +trance-conditions, when, owing to occult influences which we have brought +to bear, a totally different idea concerning 'nature, man, the origin of +the universe, and the destinies toward which its inhabitants are +tending,' was presented to your sixth sense, which appeared 'absolute +truth' at the time, and which would have continued to seem so, had I not +had the power of intromitting you through trance-conditions into a +totally different set of apparent truths on the same subject, which were +no more to be relied upon than the other. The fact is, that no seer, be +he Hindoo, Buddhist, Christian, or of any other religion, is to be +depended upon the moment he throws himself into abnormal organic +conditions. We see best, as you have now learnt, into the deepest +mysteries with all our senses about us. And the discovery of this great +fact was due to woman; and it is for this reason that _mahatmas_ shrink +from female _chelas_--they are afraid of them. According to their +philosophy, women play a poor part in the system of the universe, and +their chances of reaching the blissful condition of _nirvana_ are +practically not to be compared with those of the men. + +"There is no such thing as subjectivity apart from objectivity. Mr +Sinnett very properly tells you 'that occult science regards force and +matter as identical, and that it contemplates no principle in nature as +wholly immaterial. The clue to the mystery involved,' he goes on to say, +'lies in the fact, directly cognisable by occult experts, that matter +exists in other states than those which are cognisable by the five +senses;' but it does not become only cognisable subjectively on that +account. You know very well, as an old _mahatma_, that you can cognise +matter now with your sixth sense as well as with your five while in a +perfectly normal condition, that you could not cognise except in trance- +conditions before, and which even then you could only cognise +incorrectly. The much-vaunted sixth sense of _mahatmas_ needs sharpening +as much as their logic, for you can no more separate subjectivity from +objectivity than you can separate mind from matter. Christians, if they +desire it, have a right to a heaven of subjective bliss, because they +consider that they become immaterial when they go there; but Buddhists, +who admit that they are in a sense material while in _devachan_ or +_nirvana_, and deny that their consciousness in that condition is in the +same sense objective as well as subjective, talk sheer nonsense." Ushas +used a stronger expression here, but out of consideration for my old +_mahatma_ friends, I suppress it. + +"'_Devachan_', says our Guru--speaking through his disciple in order to +escape from this dilemma--'will seem as real as the chairs and tables +round us; and remember that above all things, to the profound philosophy +of occultism, are the chairs and tables, and the whole objective scenery +of the world, unreal and merely transitory delusions of sense.' If, as +he admits, they are material, why should they be more unreal than the +chairs and tables in _devachan_, which are also material, since occult +science contemplates no principle in nature as wholly immaterial? The +fact is, that there is no more unreal and transitory delusion of sense +than those 'states' known to the adepts as _devachan_ or _nirvana_; they +are mere dreamlands, invented by metaphysicians, and lived in by them +after death--which are used by them to encourage a set of dreamers here +to evade the practical duties which they owe to their fellow-men in this +world. 'Hence it is possible,' says our author, 'for yet living persons +to have visions of _devachan_, though such visions are rare and only one- +sided, the entities in _devachan_, sighted by the earthly clairvoyant, +being quite unconscious themselves of undergoing such observation.' This +is an erroneous and incorrect assumption on the Guru's part. 'The spirit +of the clairvoyant,' he goes on, 'ascends into the condition of +_devachan_ in such rare visions, and thus becomes subject to the vivid +delusions of that existence.' Vivid delusions indeed, the fatal +consequences of which are, that they separate their votaries from the +practical duties of life, and create a class of idle visionaries who, +wrapping themselves in their own vain conceits, would stand by and allow +their fellow-creatures to starve to death, because, as Mr Sinnett frankly +tells us, 'if spiritual existence, vivid subjective consciousness, really +does go on for periods greater than the periods of intellectual physical +existence, in the ratio, as we have seen in discussing the devachanic +condition, of 80 to 1 at least, then surely man's subjective existence is +more important than his physical existence and intellect in error, when +all its efforts are bent on the amelioration of the physical existence.' + +"This is the ingenious theory which the Brothers of Thibet have devised +to release them from acknowledging that they have any other Brothers in +this world to whom they are under sacred obligations besides themselves, +and which, owing to the selfish principle that underlies it, has a +tendency to sap the foundations of all morality. So that we have this +nineteenth-century apostle of Esoteric Buddhism venturing to assert to +his Western readers that 'it is not so rough a question as that--whether +man be wicked or virtuous--which must really, at the final critical +turning-point, decide whether he shall continue to live and develop into +higher phases of existence, or cease to live altogether.' We, the +Sisters of Thibet, repudiate and denounce in the strongest terms any such +doctrine as the logical outcome either of the moral precepts of Buddha or +of the highest esoteric science. Let the Brothers of Thibet beware of +any longer cherishing the delusion that the Sisters of Thibet, because +their existence is purely objective, 'are therefore unreal and merely +transitory delusions of sense.' We also have a secret to reveal--the +result of twenty centuries of occult learning--and we formally announce +to you, the so-called adepts of occult science, that if you persist in +disseminating any more of your deleterious metaphysical compounds in this +world under the name of Esoteric Buddhism, we will not only no longer +refrain, as we have hitherto done, from tormenting you in your subjective +conditions while still in your _rupas_, but, by virtue of the occult +powers we possess, will poison the elements of _devachan_ until +subjective existence becomes intolerable there for your fifth and sixth +principles,--your _manas_ and your _buddhis_,--and _nirvana_ itself will +be converted into hell." + + + + +ADOLPHUS: A COMEDY OF AFFINITIES. + + +_Dramatis personae_. + +The HON. ADOLPHUS GRESHAM. + +The EARL OF GULES. + +ADOLPHUS PLUMPER. + +Mr FLAMM. + +LADY ELAINE BENDORE. + +The COUNTESS OF GULES. + +Mrs PLUMPER. + +CHARLES. + + + +SCENE I.--A railway carriage. The Earl and Countess of Gules--Lady +Elaine Bendore--The Hon. Adolphus Gresham. + + +_Elaine_. I must really beg of you to stop, Mr Gresham. You cannot +think how you pain and surprise me. I am sure I never had the least +idea! Besides, supposing papa or mamma should hear you. + +_Adolphus_. Lord Gules is asleep, and her ladyship is absorbed in her +novel; besides, you may be sure that I have taken care to ascertain their +sentiments before I venture to say what I have to you. Oh, Elaine, if I +could but hope! + +_Train stops_. _Guard_ [_looking in_]. All the smoking-carriages are +engaged, gentlemen; but you'll find room in here. + +[_Enter_ Adolphus Plumper _and_ Mr Flamm. Flamm _seats himself opposite_ +Elaine, _and_ Plumper _opposite_ Adolphus. + +_Flamm_ [_aside to_ Plumper]. By Jove, Plumper! you never told me you +had a twin brother. Polish up your spectacles, old man--you've made 'em +damp by that race we had to catch the train--and look at your +_vis-a-vis_. + +[Plumper _takes off his spectacles with great deliberation, wipes them, +puts them on again, and stares at_ Adolphus. + +_Plumper_ [_aside_] _stammering_. Dud-dud-dud-do you see a likeness? Dud- +dud-dud-don't see it myself. He's bab-bab-bab-bald, and he's not sh-sh- +sh-ort-sighted. + +_Fl_. Probably he doesn't stammer either. I'll try presently. +Positively, if he wore spectacles and a wig of your hair, I shouldn't +know you apart. + +_Lady Gules_ [_aside to_ Elaine]. Did you ever see anything more +extraordinary, my dear? What a horrid caricature of our dear Adolphus +Gresham! + +_El_. [_aside_]. I can't say I agree with you, mamma. I think he has a +more intelligent expression--more soul, I should say. + +_Lady G_. You are quite ridiculous, Elaine. Half the girls in London +have bean setting their caps at Mr Gresham for the last few seasons, till +they have given him up as invulnerable; and now that you have a chance of +becoming one of the richest peeresses in England, you do nothing but snub +him. He is as clever and charming as he will be rich when his father +dies, and is certain to become a Cabinet Minister some day. He's +considered the most rising young man of his party. + +_El_. That he may easily be, considering he is a Conservative. Oh, +mamma! how can you suppose that I would ever marry a Conservative? + +_Lady G_. I have no patience with you, Elaine; a nice mess your Radicals +have made of it with Egypt and Ireland. But we won't go into that now; +only remember this, if he proposes, and you don't accept him, your father +and I will be seriously displeased. + +_El_. [_sighing_]. I'm sure the gentleman opposite is a friend of the +people. See! he's reading the 'Pall Mall.' [_Aside to_ Adolphus.] Mamma +has just been telling me that she sees such a strange likeness between +you and your opposite neighbour. + +_Ad_. Ah! Plumper--if the name on his hat-box is to be believed; A. +Plumper, too. I wonder whether A. stands for Adolphus? I don't feel +flattered. + +_El_. Now that is nothing but Tory prejudice. I am sure he looks very +distinguished, though his name is Plumper. I have no doubt he's a self- +made man. + +_Pl_. Pup-pup-pup-pardon me, madam; shall I put the window up? I see +you feel the dud-dud-dud-draught. + +_El_. Thank you. No; I prefer it open. But may I ask you to lend me +your 'Echo'? it's a paper I like so much, and so seldom see. + +_Fl_. Cheap, but not nasty; enjoys a vast circulation among the middle +classes. The Conservatives are as far behind us in journalistic capacity +as they are in parliamentary eloquence. + +_Pl_. You must make allowances for my friend. He's on the pup-pup-pup- +press himself, and expects shortly to get into Pup-pup-pup-Parliament. + +_El_. Oh, I do so hope he will! You don't think there is a reaction +setting in, do you? Papa says that Mr Gladstone is losing his hold on +the country. + +_Lord Gules_ [_awaking with a snort_]. Not, however, before the country +has lost its hold upon him. He cares no more for his country, sir, than +I do for the Chinese in California. He's a traitor, sir, to his +principles; he's-- + +_El_. Oh, papa, do stop!--here we are at the Victoria--and we have no +right to judge any one so harshly. I assure you such strong expressions +only make me feel more and more convinced how wrong you must be. [_To_ +Plumper, _handing back his paper_.] Thank you so much. I'm so sorry I +have not had time to read it. + +_Lady G_. Good-bye, Mr Gresham; remember that you have promised to dine +with us to-morrow night. We shall be quite alone; but I am sure you +don't care about a party. + +_Ad_. I need not say with what pleasure I shall look forward to it. _Au +revoir_, Lady Elaine. [_Aside_.] You do not know how you have been +tempting me to abandon all my cherished political convictions for your +sake. It is to be hoped that the Radicals will not follow up their +success with the caucus by organising the young ladies of their party and +letting them loose on society as propagandists of their Utopian ideas and +political fallacies. + +[_Exeunt omnes_. + + + +SCENE II.--Lady Gules's Boudoir. Elaine and Adolphus. + + +_Ad_. Dear Lady Elaine, Lady Gules has given me special permission and +opportunity to explain myself more fully than was possible yesterday. +Please tell me why you were so surprised at what I said, and why you +think me so very objectionable? + +_El_. I don't think you at all objectionable, Mr Gresham, as a member of +society; on the contrary, I think you charming; though I do feel that, +magnetically, we are wide as the poles asunder! Oh, believe me, we have +no grounds of common sympathy, either in matters of philosophical, +political, or religious thought--and above all, in art! You seem to lack +that enthusiasm for humanity which could alone constitute an affinity +between us. I was surprised, because I had hoped to find in you an +intelligent companion; and mortified at the discovery that you could not +rise to higher ground than that of an ordinary admirer,--men in these +days seem to think that women have no other _raison d'etre_ except to be +made love to. + +_Ad_. I do not think that is a new idea, Lady Elaine; but is it +absolutely necessary, in order that you should return the deep affection +I feel for you, that we should agree politically, philosophically, +theologically, and aesthetically? In old days women did not trouble +themselves on these matters, but trusted to their hearts rather than to +their heads to guide their affections. + +_El_. And so I do now. I feel instinctively that we are not kindred +spirits; that the mysterious chord of sympathy which vibrates in the +heart of a girl with the first tone of the voice of the man she is +destined to love, does not exist between us. Oh, indeed, indeed, Mr +Gresham, although I adore Frederic Harrison as a thinker, as much as I +dislike Mr Mallock--though I read every word he writes as a duty--I am +not destitute of romance. I am a profound believer in the doctrine of +affinity. Who that accepts, as I do, the marvellous teaching of Comte, +and remembers that the highest ideas which it contains were inspired by a +woman, could fail to be? But I shall know the man towards whom I am +destined to occupy the relation that Comte's Countess did to him, at a +glance. No words will need to pass between us to assure us that we are +one in sentiment. It will be as impossible for him to be indifferent to +elevating the taste of the masses in matters of domestic detail, or be +otherwise wanting in a whole-hearted devotion to the service of humanity, +or to scoff at the theory of evolution, as it would be for him to accept +the errors and superstitions of an obsolete theology, or the antiquated +dogmas of the Conservatives about landed property. + +_Ad_. And if I fulfilled all these conditions, so far as a thorough +philosophical and political sympathy was concerned, would that avail me +nothing to produce this hidden affinity? + +_El_. Absolutely nothing. In the first place, you could not pretend to +believe and feel what you did not believe and feel; and in the second, if +you could, I should instantly sense the absence of that internal +attraction towards each other which would be irresistible in both. You +were right, Mr Gresham, when you said the heart and not the head should +be the guide; and I trust it absolutely--so give up a hope which must be +vain. Believe me, I feel deeply pained at having to speak so decidedly, +but it is better that you should be under no delusion. Still, do not let +me lose you as a friend whom I shall always esteem. You will soon get +over it, and will have no difficulty in finding a wife who will suit you +far better than I should ever have done. + +_Ad_. There, believe me, you are mistaken; but it is a point impossible +to discuss. Good-bye, Lady Elaine. Thanks for your frankness and +patience with me. Perhaps I shall get over it, as you say. I shall take +refuge in my yacht, and try the curative effect of a cruise round the +world. It will be a year at least before we meet again. [_Exit_ +Adolphus. + +_El_. Poor Adolphus! how absolutely impossible is love, where the hidden +sympathy of soul is wanting!--and yet how nice he is [_sighs_], and how +manfully he accepted his fate! What philosophy can really explain the +mystery of that magnetic affinity called love, which so unaccountably +exercises its attracting influences over the whole animal creation, and +most probably over plants? If it is a latent potentiality of matter, how +did it get there? Now for a scene with mamma. + +[_Exit_ Elaine. + + + +SCENE III.--The Countess of Gules's Boudoir. Lady Gules and Lady Elaine +reading. Enter Charles with card and letter. + + +_El_. [_reading card_]. Mr Adolphus Plumper! Is the gentleman coming up- +stairs, Charles? + +_Charles_. No, my lady; he only left the card and this letter, and said +he would call again. [_Exit_ Charles. + +_El_. [_opening letter_]. From Mr Gresham, mamma, dated Naples. +[_Reads_.] "DEAR ELAINE,--I felt so much touched by the kindness of your +last words to me when we parted, that I venture to hope that it may +interest you to know, as a friend, how it has fared with me since I left +England. The curative process does not seem to have fairly set in yet, +but I am going to try the effect of a little mild excitement by joining +the demonstrating fleets at Alexandria. For a month past I have been +idling here; and curiously enough, the first person I stumbled upon in +the Chiaja Gardens was Mr Adolphus Plumper--our railway companion on the +only journey I ever had the happiness to take with you, and who seated +himself by my side on a bench to which I had resorted for a quiet cigar. +As there are few foreigners here at this season, we have been thrown +almost daily together, and I have been quite delighted to find how very +much superior he is to what I thought he _looked_ when you honoured me by +pointing out our resemblance. I ought to speak highly of him, for he +saved my life. I took him a cruise in my yacht, and the gig in which we +were landing one day was upset in some breakers. I had been stunned, and +should have been drowned had he not come to the rescue; and I really feel +that for this and some other reasons which I will explain when we meet, I +owe him a debt of gratitude that I can never hope to repay. Although he +is too retiring by nature to say so, I could see, when I made some +laughing allusions to the occasion of our first meeting, that he would be +glad to continue to make the acquaintance of Lord and Lady Gules--in +other words, to continue the political discussion he then commenced with +you. Singular to state, he is an admirer of Congreve and all that +school, so I am sure you will have plenty of topics in common. Mr +Plumper has made an enormous fortune as a contractor, and now chiefly +occupies himself with works of charity and benevolence. One of his +special hobbies is the introduction of the aesthetic principle into +_Kindergartens_. I have given him a hint not to introduce his vulgar +friend Flamm--pardon me the expression, though he is a Radical. I have +given Plumper a few lines to Lady Gules. Please do all you can to +overcome the prejudice against him which both she and Lord Gules are sure +to entertain; and believe me, yours faithfully, + +"ADOLPHUS GRESHAM." + +_Lady G_. A Radical, a plutocrat, and an infidel! That is a mixture +that ought to suit you, Elaine. + +_El_. Quite as well as a Tory, a spendthrift, and a bigot, which is the +one I usually meet in society, mamma. But please do not let us quarrel. +I always try to be polite to your mixtures. For Mr Gresham's sake, be +civil to mine. + +_Lady G_. For Mr Gresham's sake, indeed! What have you done for Mr +Gresham's sake that puts me under an obligation to him? However, I +suppose we must ask the man to dinner. Is there any address on his card? + +_El_. 20 Heavitree Gardens. + +_Lady G_. One of those millionaire palaces, I suppose, in the back +regions of South Kensington. The carriage is waiting, so I shall leave +you to write the invitation. You had better ask him for Tuesday, when we +have got some people coming to dinner. + +[_Exit_ Lady Gules. + +_El_. [_taking up the letter, reads_]. "Now chiefly occupies himself +with works of charity and benevolence. One of his special hobbies is the +introduction of aesthetic principles into _Kindergartens_." How +refreshing to meet a man at last who takes a living interest in the +welfare of his fellow-creatures! I am sure I shall like him. [ _Writes, +and rings the bell_.] + +_Enter_ Charles. + +_Lady E_. Please put this in the post, Charles. [_Exit_ Charles.] Now +I must go and get ready to go out riding with papa, and reconcile him to +the dreadful idea of having "a Radical, a plutocrat, and an infidel" at +his dinner-table. [_Exit_ Elaine. + +(_A month elapses_.) + + + +SCENE IV.--Lady Gules's Boudoir. Lord and Lady Gules. + + +_Lord G_. I tell you what it is, my dear--we've only known that fellow +Plumper a month, and he has already completely captivated Elaine with his +_Kindergarten_, and his sunflowers, and his hatred of the landed interest +and Irish coercion, and love of the _cloture_ and humanity, and Buddha +and Brahma, and Zoroaster and Mahomet, and all the rest of them. I must +really take steps to find out whether Gresham was well informed about his +reputed wealth. I shall ride down and take a look at 20 Heavitree +Gardens to-morrow. I haven't met a single man at the Club who has ever +heard of him. + +_Lady G_. It's no use: if he should turn out a pauper, or even a +swindler, I am afraid Elaine will marry him. I saw it in her eye last +night; and so, I should think, did he. He certainly can't complain of +not receiving encouragement. I only wonder that he has not yet proposed. +I believe the man to be capable of any act of audacity, in spite of his +languid manner, and his long hair, and short-sightedness, and his +stammer. + +_Enter_ Elaine. + +_Lord G_. Are you coming to ride with me, or going out to drive with +your mother, Elaine? + +_El_. Neither, dear papa. I am too busy finishing a paper I am writing +on the "Chiton; or, Clothing for the masses on the principles of the +ideal of the ancient Greeks," for the next meeting of the Women's Dress +Reform Association. + +_Lord G_. Well, take care you make them put enough on. Remember the +climate, if you ignore other considerations. + +_Lady G_. And pray do not so far overstep the bounds of maidenly modesty +as to consult your Mr Plumper on the subject. + +[_Exit_ Lord _and_ Lady Gules. + +_El_. [_sighing_]. My Mr Plumper! Ah, Adolphus, there is not a fibre in +our bodies or souls--and why should not souls have fibres?--that does not +vibrate in harmony! We are like AEolian harps that make the same music +to the same airs of the affections, while electrically our brains respond +sympathetically to the same wave-current of idea. Emotionally, +intellectually, we are one. Why should I allow an absurd custom of +conventional civilisation, degrading to the sex, to prevent my telling +him so? What more inherent right can be vested by nature in a woman than +that of telling a man that she loves him, and that, therefore, he belongs +to her? Hark! his step. My Adolphus! + +_Enter_ Adolphus. + +_Ad_. I have ventured to kuk-kuk-kuk-call, Lady Elaine, with the pap-pap- +pattern I promised of female attire suited to all classes; for why should +we recognise any did-did-distinction between the folds which drape the +form of the aristocrat and the pop-pop-pauper? It is all in +kuk-kuk-curves and circles; there is not a straight line about it worn +thus. See how graciously it flows! [_Puts his head through a hole in +the middle_.] But allow me; your form will do far more justice to it +than mine. [_Takes it off and puts it on_ Lady Elaine.] Ah, how +divinely precious! [_Gazes with rapture_. Lady Elaine _sits down in +it_.] + +_El_. Dear Adolphus, why should this strained conventional formality +exist any longer between us? Can we not read each other's thoughts? Can +we not feel each other's hearts beating in sweet accord? Are we not +formed and fashioned for each other? Let this exquisite garment, which +we have both worn, be the symbol of that internal robe which costumes our +united souls, woven from the texture of our affections. + +_Ad_. [_falling on his knees, kisses its hem_]. Sweet symbol of +sanctified intuitions! Tit-tit-tit-transparent--though it may seem tot- +tot-tolerably thick; for does it not reveal to me the workings of the +soul of my beb-beb-beloved? Ah, Elaine, how trifling do earthly +treasures seem, compared with those of the affections! You will be mine, +for ever mine, dud-dud-darling, will you not--even though I may not have +the riches I am supposed to possess? + +_El_. Oh, Adolphus! how can you ask me such a question? What is the +wealth of the pocket as compared with the wealth of the soul! + +_Ad_. True! oh, quite intensely true!--for how sweetly sings the poet +Oscar on this theme!-- + + "As like miners we explore + Hidden treasures in the soul, + And we pip-pip-pick the amorous ore + Firmly bedded in its hole; + New emotions come to light, + Flashing in affections' rays, + Scintillating to the sight, + With a tit-tit-tit-transcendental bib-bib-bib-blaze, + Warming us until we burn + With a glow of sacred fire, + And as coals to diamonds turn, + Sparkling in us with did-did-did-desire." + +_El_. Oh, quite, quite too lovely! Come, Adolphus--why should we linger +here, now that our troths are plighted? Why should we not at once brave +the world together? I need the sweet scents of the air, the rustle of +leaves, the singing of birds, the chattering of monkeys, and the hum of +nature. Let us go, my love, and walk in the Zoo. + +_Ad_. [_rising_]. Dud-dud-dud-do you intend to keep that on? + +_El_. What on? + +_Ad_. This mystic garment of kuk-kuk-curves and circles. + +_El_. No; I will keep it for a pattern and a sweet reminiscence. Now I +will go and put on my Louis Quatorze hat, and be back in a moment, if you +will go and call a hansom. + +[_Exit_ Elaine. + +[Adolphus _bursts into a fit of uncontrollable laughter_. + +[_Exit laughing_. + + + +SCENE V.--The Zoological Gardens. + + +_El_. How sweet are these sights and sounds when hallowed by the +consciousness of a beloved presence! How one glows with affection +towards every object in nature! Adolphus, dear, don't you feel, with me, +that our hearts warm towards the hippopotamus? + +_Ad_. Mine is positively beating with the violence of my affection for +him. If he was not so wet and bib-bib-big, I could throw my arms round +him. Dear hippop-pop-pop-pop-otamoms! + +_El_. Oh, look! there is that gentleman who got into the train with you +on the blessed day that we first met. Mr Flamm, I think Mr Gresham said +his name was. + +_Enter_ Flamm. + +_Flamm_. Ah, Plumper, how are you, old man? I was looking for you +everywhere. Why, what have you done with Mrs Plumper and the children? + +_Ad_. My mother and her little grandchildren, you mean. I was not aware +that they were to come here to-day. + +_Fl_. Your mother! and grandchildren! Why, what the dev--- Oh, ah, +ahem! [_Aside_.] I see--mum's the word. Oh fie! sly dog! Naughty, +naughty!--but so nice! [_Whispers_.] You are quite safe with me. +[_Aloud_.] Yes, dear old lady--she's getting too old to walk much now. +[_Aside_.] I only hope we shan't meet the young one. A jolly row +there'll be! + +_El_. I hope soon to have the pleasure of being introduced to Mr +Plumper's mother. I am sure I shall like her. + +_Fl_. Oh, I am sure you will; she is the dearest, most delightful old +lady! [_Aside_.] At least I hope she is by this time, for she was a +horrid old cat up to the day of her death, ten years ago. By Jove! here +come Mrs Plumper and the young uns. Now for it! + +_Enter_ Mrs Plumper. + +_Mrs Plumper_. Why, Adolphus, where have you been? Excuse me, madam; I +did not see that you were upon my husband's arm. Perhaps he'll have the +goodness to present his wife to you. + +_El_. His wife! her husband! [_Screams--faints_.] + +_Mrs P_. Yes, madam. You may well scream, "His wife! her husband!" and +then pretend to faint. Who else's wife do you suppose I am? + +_Ad_. I am sorry I have no time for explanation now, as I must attend to +this young lady; but if you will have the kindness to hold my hat, Mr +Flamm. [_Hands his hat to_ Flamm.] And you, madam, to take care of +these. [_Takes off his wig and spectacles and hands them to_ Mrs +Plumper.] Your own senses will explain a good deal. As you may have +already discovered, I am not Mr Plumper at all; in fact, I perceive him +approaching. Help me to hold her head a little higher, please Mr Flamm; +and Mrs Plumper, kindly undo the back of her dress, or her stays, or her +_chiton_, or whatever is underneath, and let go everything generally, so +as to give her a chance of breathing. + +_Enter_ Plumper. + +_Fl_. Here, Plumper, you're a medical man, just come in the nick of +time. This gentleman here has been personating you for some reason or +other, and the discovery caused the young lady to faint. Mysterious, +isn't it? + +_Ad_. Not at all, when you come to know the circumstances. Here is my +card; and you will find me ready to make any apology or offer you any +satisfaction you may require. Meantime, Dr Plumper, let me implore you +to assist me in bringing her to. + +_Pl_. There now, my gug-gug-good lady, take a smell of this. There now, +we are beginning to feel beb-beb-better already. [_Aside_.] Most +extraordinary coincidence, Flamm: this is the same lady and gentleman we +travelled up to town with a kuk-kuk-couple of months ago; and you +remarked upon our wonderful resemblance to each other. Horrid bob-bob- +bore, a fellow's being so like you; he can pip-pip-play all sorts of +tricks upon you. Just a chance he did not get me into a did-did-devil of +a scrape with Jemima. + +_Fl_. [_aside_]. Well, you can always pay him off in his own coin--that +is, if you shave your head, and throw away your spectacles, and give up +stammering. + +_Pl_. [_aside_]. But I can't--that's where he has the pup-pup-pull over +me. [_Aloud_.] There now, one or two bib-bib-breaths, and we are all +right. Now, dud-dud-don't go off again; it can be all satisfactorily +explained. [_Aside_.] Hang me if I know how! + +_El_. [_opens her eyes while_ Plumper _is bending over her--screams_]. +Oh, Adolphus!--[_shuts them again_] + +_Pl_. There, there, my gug-gug-good lady, I'm not Adolphus; at least I +am Adolphus, bub-bub-but not your Adolphus. Here, Mr Gresham, if you're +her Ad-dod-dod-dod-ol-phus, you'd better take her. + +_El_. [_opens her eyes, sees_ Adolphus _bending over her--screams_]. Oh, +where am I?--[_shuts them again_.] + +_Pl_. In the arms of your Adolphus. We're bub-bub-both Adolphuses. I +suppose, if you'll rouse yourself a little, you'll soon fif-fif-find out +which is the right one. + +_Ad_. Lady Elaine, pardon me, and I will explain all. I am Adolphus +Gresham. I came back from Naples a month ago, and have deceived you by +disguising myself as Dr Plumper. I shall never forgive myself unless you +forgive me. + +_El_. Oh, this is too horrible! [_Shrinks from him, and bursts into a +violent fit of weeping_.] + +_Pl_. There, that's capital! Nothing like a hearty fit of tears to kuk- +kuk-comfort a woman when she finds herself in a mess. Now Flamm, if you +call a kuk-kuk-cab, we'll put her in and send her home. + +[_Exit_ Flamm. + +_Ad_. If you'll have the kindness, Dr Plumper, to give me your address, +and allow me to call upon you to-morrow, I think I shall be able to give +both Mrs Plumper and yourself a complete explanation of what must appear +most extraordinary conduct on my part. + +_Re-enter_ Flamm. + +_Fl_. The cab is ready. + +_Ad_. Now, Lady Elaine, if you will allow Dr Plumper and myself to +assist you, we will accompany you home. [_Exeunt omnes_. + + + +SCENE VI.--Lady Gules's Boudoir. Lord and Lady Gules--Adolphus. + + +_Lord G_. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, wait a moment, my dear Gresham, or you'll +kill me with laughing. It's the best joke I ever heard in my life, and +most cleverly executed. So you caught the Radical, Comtist, aesthetic +little minx in her own trap. Oh, excellent! I can't say how thoroughly +Lady Gules and I congratulate you on the success of your ruse, and how +happy you have made us. My lady there is too pleased with the probable +result to quarrel about the means. But how you did take us all in! I +give you my word I never suspected you for a moment. Your stammer and +wig were both admirable. As for Elaine, she's torturing her brain with +metaphysical doubts as to the nature of love, and says she will never +love again. She tells her mother that her Adolphus was an ideal +personage who has no longer existence, and that her love is buried with +him; but here she comes, so we will leave you to fight your own battle. + +[_Exeunt_ Lord _and_ Lady Gules. + +_Enter_ Elaine. + +_Ad_. Dear Elaine. + +_El_. Sir! + +_Ad_. Nay, rather Adolphus than sir. + +_El_. How can I say Adolphus? there is no Adolphus. + +_Ad_. Indeed there is--[_producing wig and spectacles_]--pup-pup-pardon +me while I put them on. If it was only my wig and spectacles you cared +about, did-did-dearest, I will wear them and stammer through life fuf-fuf- +for your sake. + +_El_. Oh, Mr Gresham, how can you be so heartless? You know very well I +loved you--at least I didn't love you,--I mean, I thought I loved +Adolphus--at least I was sure of it at the time; but I'm sure I don't +now. Oh, how cruel of you! + +_Ad_. But if it was not my wig and spectacles and stammer for which you +felt a magnetic affinity, I want to know exactly what it was you did +love; because I am precisely the same human being without them as with +them. What about me struck that mysterious chord of sympathy which +vibrated in your affections when I was Plumper, which failed to strike it +as Gresham? Why should not our hearts still beat in sweet accord without +my wig? Why should not "this exquisite garment, which we have both +worn--[_takes up the dress, which is lying on a chair in the corner_]--be +the symbol of that internal robe which costumes our united souls, woven +from the texture of our affections," without my spectacles? + +_El_. Mr Gresham, how dare you talk such nonsense? The texture of our +affections indeed! mine are dead--basely, foully murdered. Oh, was ever +woman so cruelly humiliated? + +_Ad_. Nay, Elaine, I merely wished to prove to you that your aversion +for me was entirely unfounded. You have proved to me that your love for +Adolphus, in the abstract, is as baseless and unsubstantial. I am not +sorry under the circumstances that it should have been murdered, for it +was a poor exotic. Let us not attempt to analyse the mysterious nature +of that passion which is too precious a plant to tear up by the roots in +order to discover the origin of its existence, but learn rather from this +lesson, so painful to us both, that there are more things in heaven and +earth than are dreamt of even in the philosophy of Comte, the doctrines +of the aesthete, or the politics of Mr Gladstone. And now, Elaine, +farewell,--this time you need not fear my coming back from Naples. +[_Moves towards the door and lingers_.] + +[Elaine _puts her face between her hands and sobs convulsively_. + +_Ad_. Elaine, dear Elaine [_returns softly and takes her hand_], do you +wish me to go? + +[Elaine _shakes her head_. + +_Ad_. Do you wish me to stay? + +[Elaine _shakes her head_. + +_Ad_. What do you wish me to do? I must do either one or the other. +Shall I stay and go alternately, or shall we make a fresh start, without +prejudice, as the lawyers say? + +_El_. Oh, how heartlessly you talk! What do I care what the lawyers +say? Can't you see how miserable I am, and how hollow everything seems +all at once? I don't believe in any one, and I don't feel as if I knew +anything, except that love is an inexplicable phenomenon of matter. I +shall become an agnostic. + +_Re-enter_ Lord _and_ Lady Gules. + +_Lord G_. Well, have you two young people come to an understanding? Take +my word for it, Elaine, an ounce of practice is worth a pound of theory +in love-affairs, and be thankful if the man is willing to become your +husband, who has had sufficient common-sense to teach you the lesson. +Holloa! whom have we here? + +_Enter_ Charles _with cards_. + +_Lord G_. [_reads_]. "Dr and Mrs Plumper and Mr Flamm, to inquire for +Lady Elaine Bendore." Oho! our friend Plumper seems to know the +difference between theory and practice at any rate, and is evidently +anxious to extend the latter. [_To_ Charles.] Show them up. + +_Ad_. I called upon the Plumpers this morning, and explained the whole +affair to the entire satisfaction of the worthy couple. + +[Adolphus _and_ Lady Elaine _whisper apart_. + +_Lord G_. I have to thank you, Dr Plumper, for the timely assistance you +rendered my daughter--first, in nearly sending her into a fit, and then +in bringing her out of it; and am glad of this opportunity of expressing +my sense of the obligation I am under to Mrs Plumper and Mr Flamm. + +_Dr P_. Oh, don't mention it, my lord; I am sure I was only too gug-gug- +glad to be of any assistance to Mr Gresham by being so like him as to +frighten the young lady into a fif-fif-fit. And as for bringing her to--I +always take the sal-volatile in my pup-pup-pup-pocket on Mrs Plumper's +account. + +_Ad_. And you'll accept me, Elaine, as your husband, even though I don't +abandon my political aspirations, or introduce aesthetic principles into +_Kindergartens_, or adopt the philosophy of Comte? + +_El_. [_giving him her hand_]. Oh, Adolphus, you have convinced me that +the loftiest of all aspirations, the purest of all principles, the +supremest of all philosophies, is-- + +_Ad_. A-dod-dod-dolphus! + + + + +Footnotes: + + +{81} Esoteric Buddhism. By A. P. Sinnett, President of the Simla +Eclectic Theosophical Society. + +PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FASHIONABLE PHILOSOPHY*** + + +******* This file should be named 17120.txt or 17120.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/7/1/2/17120 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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