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diff --git a/17065.txt b/17065.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0333be1 --- /dev/null +++ b/17065.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4712 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Interludes, by Horace Smith + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Interludes + being Two Essays, a Story, and Some Verses + + +Author: Horace Smith + + + +Release Date: November 14, 2005 [eBook #17065] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK INTERLUDES*** + + + + + +Transcribed from the 1892 Macmillan and Co. edition by David Price, email +ccx074@coventry.ac.uk + + + + + +INTERLUDES +BEING +TWO ESSAYS, A STORY, AND SOME VERSES + + +BY +HORACE SMITH + +London +MACMILLAN AND CO +AND NEW YORK +1892 + + + + +ESSAYS. + + +I. ON CRITICISM. + + +Criticism is the art of judging. As reasonable persons we are called +upon to be constantly pronouncing judgment, and either acting upon such +judgment ourselves or inviting others to do so. I do not know how +anything can be more important with respect to any matter than the +forming a right judgment about it. We pray that we may have "a right +judgment in all things." I am aware that it is an old saying that +"people are better than their opinions," and it is a mercy that it is so, +for very many persons not only are full of false opinions upon almost +every subject, but even think that it is of no consequence what opinions +they hold. Whether a particular action is morally right or wrong, or +whether a book or a picture is really good or bad, is a matter upon which +they form either no judgment or a wrong one with perfect equanimity. The +secret of this state of mind is, I think, that it is on the whole too +much bother to form a correct judgment; and it is so much easier to let +things slide, and to take the good the gods provide you, than to +carefully hold the scales until the balance is steady. But can anybody +doubt that this abdication of the seat of judgment by large numbers of +people is most hurtful to mankind? Does anyone believe that there would +be so many bad books, bad pictures, and bad buildings in the world if +people were more justly critical? Bad things continue to be produced in +profusion, and worse things are born of them, because a vast number of +people do not know that the things are bad, and do not care, even if they +do know. What sells the endless trash published every day? Not the +_few_ purchasers who buy what is vile because they like it, but the +_many_ purchasers who do not know that the things are bad, and when they +are told so, think there is not much harm in it after all. In short, +they think that judging rightly is of no consequence and only a bore. + +But I think I shall carry you all with me when I say that this society, +almost by its very _raison d'etre_, desires to form just and proper +judgments; and that one of the principal objects which we have in view in +meeting together from time to time is to learn what should be thought, +and what ought to be known; and by comparing our own judgments of things +with those of our neighbours, to arrive at a just modification of our +rough and imperfect ideas. + +Although criticism is the act of judging in general, and although I shall +not strictly limit my subject to any particular branch of criticism, yet +naturally I shall be led to speak principally of that branch of which +we--probably all of us--think at once when the word is mentioned, viz., +literary and artistic criticism. I think if criticism were juster and +fairer persons criticized would submit more readily to criticism. It is +certain that criticism is generally resented. We--none of us--like to be +told our faults. + +"Tell Blackwood," said Sir Walter Scott, "that I am one of the Black +Hussars of Literature who neither give nor take criticism." Tennyson +resented any interference with his muse by writing the now nearly +forgotten line about "Musty, crusty Christopher." Byron flew into a +rhapsodical passion and wrote _English Bards and Scotch Reviewers_-- + + "Ode, Epic, Elegy, have at you all." + +He says-- + + "A man must serve his time to every trade + Save censure. Critics all are ready made. + Take hackney'd jokes from Miller, got by rote, + With just enough of learning to misquote; + A mind well skilled to find or forge a fault; + A turn for punning--call it Attic salt; + To Jeffrey go, be silent and discreet,-- + His pay is just ten sterling pounds per sheet; + Fear not to lie, 'twill seem a sharper hit; + Shrink not from blasphemy, 'twill pass for wit; + Care not for feeling--pass your proper jest,-- + And stand a critic, hated yet caress'd." + +Lowell retorted upon his enemies in the famous _Fable for Critics_. +Swift, in his _Battle of the Books_, revenges himself upon Criticism by +describing her. "She dwelt on the top of a snowy mountain in Nova +Zembla. There Momus found her extended in her den upon the spoils of +numberless volumes, half devoured. At her right hand sat Ignorance, her +father and husband, blind with age; at her left Pride, her mother, +dressing her up in the scraps of paper herself had torn. About her +played her children Noise and Impudence, Dulness and Vanity, Pedantry and +Ill-manners. The goddess herself had claws like a cat. Her head, ears, +and voice resembled those of an ass." Bulwer (Lord Lytton) flew out +against his critics, and was well laughed at by Thackeray for his pains. +Poets are known as the _genus irritabile_, and I do not know that prose +writers, artists, or musicians are less susceptible. Most of us will +remember Sheridan's _Critic_-- + +Sneer: "I think it wants incident." + +Sir Fretful: "Good Heavens, you surprise me! Wants incident! I am only +apprehensive that the incidents are too crowded." + +Dangle: "If I might venture to suggest anything, it is that the interest +rather falls off in the fifth act." + +Sir Fretful: "Rises, I believe you mean, sir." + +Mrs. Dangle: "I did not see a fault in any part of the play from the +beginning to the end." + +Sir Fretful: "Upon my soul the women are the best judges after all." + +In short, no one objects to a favourable criticism, and almost every one +objects to an unfavourable one. All men ought, no doubt, to be thankful +for a just criticism; but I am afraid they are not. As a result, to +criticize is to be unpopular. Nevertheless, it is better to be unpopular +than to be untruthful. + + "The truth once out,--and wherefore should we lie?-- + The Queen of Midas slept, and so can I." + +I am going to do a rather dreadful thing. I am going to divide criticism +into six heads. By the bye, I am not sure that sermons now-a-days are +any better than they used to be in the good old times, when there were +always three heads at least to every sermon. Criticism should be--1. +Appreciative. 2. Proportionate. 3. Appropriate. 4. Strong. 5. Natural. +6. _Bona fide_. + +1. _Criticism should be appreciative_. + +By this I mean, not that critics should always praise, but that they +should understand. They should see the thing as it is and comprehend it. +This is the rock upon which most criticisms fail--want of knowledge. In +reading the lives of great men, how often are we struck with the want of +appreciation of their fellows. Who admired Turner's pictures until +Turner's death? Who praised Tennyson's poems until Tennyson was quite an +old man? Nay, I am afraid some of us have laughed at those who +endeavoured to ask our attention to what we called the daubs of the one +or the doggerel of the other. {5}This, I think, should teach us not even +to attempt to criticize until we are sure that we appreciate. Yet what a +vast amount of criticism there is in the world which errs (like Dr. +Johnson) from sheer ignorance. When Sir Lucius O'Trigger found fault +with Mrs. Malaprop's language she naturally resented such ignorant +criticism. "If there is one thing more than another upon which I pride +myself, it is the use of my oracular tongue and a nice derangement of +epitaphs." It was absurd to have one's English criticized by any +Irishman. It is said that "it's a pity when lovely women talk of things +that they don't understand"; but I am afraid that men are equally given +to the same vice. I have heard men give the most confident opinions upon +subjects which they don't in the least understand, which nobody expects +them to understand, nor have they had any opportunity for acquiring the +requisite knowledge. But I suppose an Englishman is nothing if he is not +dictatorial, and has a right to say that the pictures in the Louvre are +"orrid" or that the Colosseum is a "himposition." "I don't know what +they mean by Lucerne being the Queen of the Lakes," said a Yankee to me, +"but I calc'late Lake St. George is a doocid deal bigger." The criticism +was true as far as it went, but the man had no conception of beauty. + + "Each might his several province well command + Would all but stoop to what they understand." + +The receipt given for an essay on Chinese Metaphysics was, look out China +under the letter C and metaphysics under the letter M, and combine your +information. "Would you mind telling me, sir, if the Cambridge boat +keeps time or not to-day?" said a man on the banks of the Thames to me. +He explained that he was a political-meeting reporter on the staff of a +penny paper, and the sporting reporter was ill. Sometimes the want of +appreciation appears in a somewhat remarkable manner, as where a really +good performance is praised for its blemishes and not for its merits. +This may be done from a desire to appear singular or from ignorance. The +popular estimate is generally wrong from want of appreciation. The +majority of people praise what is not worthy of praise and dislike what +is. So that it is almost a test of worthlessness that the multitudes +approve. Baron Bramwell, in discharging a prisoner at the Old Bailey, +made what he thought some appropriate observations, which were followed +by a storm of applause in the crowded court. The learned judge, with +that caustic humour which distinguishes him, looked up and said, "Bless +me! I'm afraid I must have said something very foolish." An amusing +scene occurred outside a barrister's lodgings during the Northampton +Assizes. Two painters decorating the exterior of the lodgings were +overheard as follows:--"Seen the judge, Bill?" "Ah, I see him. Cheery +old swine!" "See the sheriff too?" "Yes, I see him too. I reckon he +got that place through interest. Been to church; they tell me the judge +preached 'em a long sarmon. Pomp and 'umbug I call that!" This was no +doubt genuine criticism, but it was without knowledge. These men were +probably voters for Bradlaugh, and the judge and the sheriff were to them +the embodiment of a hateful aristocracy. These painters little knew how +much the judge would like to be let off even listening to the sermon, and +how the sheriff had resorted to every dodge to escape from his onerous +and thankless office. + +It is recorded in the Life of Lord Houghton that Prince Leopold, being +recommended to read Plutarch for Grecian lore, got the British Plutarch +by mistake, and laid down the Life of Sir Christopher Wren in great +indignation, exclaiming there was hardly anything about Greece in it. + +I am sure, too, that in order to understand the work of another we must +have something more than knowledge; we must have some sympathy with the +work. I do not mean that we must necessarily praise the execution of it; +but we must be in such a frame of mind that the success of the work would +give us pleasure. I am sure someone says somewhere that a man whose +first emotion upon seeing anything good is to undervalue it will never do +anything good of his own. It argues a want of genius in ourselves if we +fail to see it in others; unless, indeed, we do really see it, and only +_say_ we don't out of envy. This is very shameful. I had rather do like +some amiable people I have known, disparage the work of a friend in order +to set others praising it. + +Criticism should therefore be appreciative in two ways. The critic +should bring the requisite amount and kind of knowledge and the proper +frame of mind and temper. + +2. _Criticism should be proportionate_. + +By this I mean that the language in which we speak of anything should be +proportioned to the thing spoken of. If you speak of St. Paul's Church, +Beckenham, as vast, grand, magnificent, you have no language left +wherewith to describe St. Paul's, London. If you call Millais' Huguenots +sublime or divine, what becomes of the Madonna St. Sisto of Raphael? If +you describe Longfellow's poetry as the feeblest possible trash, the +coarsest and most unparliamentary language could alone express your +contempt of Martin Tupper. + +"What's the good of calling a woman a Wenus, Samivel?" asked the elder +Weller. What indeed! The elder Weller probably perceived that the +language would be out of all proportion to the object of Samivel's +affections. Of course, something may be allowed to a generous +enthusiasm, and, with regard to this fault in criticism, it should +perhaps be said that exaggerated praise is not so base in its beginning +or so harmful in the end as exaggerated blame. From the use of the +former Dr. Johnson defended himself with his usual vigour. Boswell +presumed to find fault with him for saying that the death of Garrick had +eclipsed the gaiety of nations. Johnson: "I could not have said more, +nor less. It is the truth. His death did eclipse, it was like a storm." +Boswell: "But why nations? Did his gaiety extend further than his own +nation?" Johnson: "Why, sir, some exaggeration must be allowed. Besides, +'nations' may be said--if we allow the Scotch to be a nation, and to have +gaiety,--which they have not." + +But there is more in this matter of proportion than at first meets the +eye. How often do we converse with a man whose language we wonder at and +cannot quite make out. It is somehow unsatisfactory. We do not quite +like it, yet there is nothing particular to dislike. Suddenly we +perceive that there is a want of perspective, or perhaps a want of what +artists call value. His mountains are mole-hills, and his mole-hills are +mountains. His colouring is so badly managed that the effect of +distance, light, and shade are lost. Thus a man will so insist upon the +use of difficult words by George Elliot that a person unacquainted with +her writings would think that the whole merit or demerit of that author +lay in her vocabulary. A man will so exalt the pathos of Dickens or +Thackeray that he will throw their wit and humour into the background. +Some person's only remark on seeing Turner's Modern Italy will be that +the colours are cracked, or, upon reading Sterne, that he always wrote +"you was" instead of "you were." "Did it ever strike you," said a friend +of mine, "that whenever you hear of a young woman found drowned she +always is described as having worn elastic boots?" Such persons look at +all things through a distorting medium. Important things become +unimportant and _vice versa_. The foreground is thrust back, the +distance brought forward, and the middle distance is nowhere. The effect +of an exaggerated praise generally is that an unfair reaction sets in. +Mr. Justin M'Carthy, in his _History of Our Own Times_, points out how +much the character of Lord Stratford de Redcliffe has suffered from the +absurd devotion of Kinglake. Kinglake writes (he says) of Lord Stratford +de Redcliffe "as if he were describing the all-compelling movements of +some divinity or providence." What nonsense has been talked about +Millais' landscapes, Whistler's nocturnes, Swinburne poetry--all +excellent enough in their way, and requiring to be praised according to +their merits, with a reserve as to their faults. The practice of puffing +tends to destroy all sort of proportion in criticism. When single +sentences or portions of sentences of apparently unqualified praise are +detached from context, and heaped together so as to induce the public to +think that all praise and no blame has been awarded, of course all +proportion is lost. Macaulay lashed this vice in his celebrated essay on +Robert Montgomery's poems. "We expect some reserve," he says, "some +decent pride in our hatter and our bootmaker. But no artifice by which +notoriety can be obtained is thought too abject for a man of letters. +Extreme poverty may indeed in some degree be an excuse for employing +these shifts as it may be an excuse for stealing a leg of mutton." + +Upon the other hand, how unfair is exaggerated blame. I am not speaking +here of that which is intentionally unfair, but of blame fairly meant and +in some degree deserved, but where the language is out of all proportion +to the offence. + +Ruskin so belaboured the poor ancients about their landscapes that when I +was a youth he had taught me to believe that Claude and Ruisdael were +mere duffers. So when he speaks of Whistler, as we shall presently see, +his blame is so exaggerated that it produces a revulsion in the mind of +the reader. He said Whistler's painting consisted in throwing a pot of +paint in the public's face. Well! we may say Whistler is somewhat +sketchy and careless or wanting in colour, but it is quite possible to +keep our tempers over it. + +"This salad is very gritty," said a gentleman to Douglas Jerrold at a +dinner party. "Gritty," said Jerrold, "it's a mere gravel path with a +few weeds in it." That was very unfair on the salad. + +3. _Criticism should be appropriate_. + +I mean by this something different from proportionate. Sometimes the +language of criticism is not that of exaggeration, but yet it is quite as +inappropriate. The critic may have taken his seat too high or too low +for a proper survey, or he may, by want of education or by carelessness, +use quite the wrong words to express his meaning. You will hear a man +say, "I was enchanted with the Biglow Papers," or "I was charmed with the +hyenas at the Zoological Gardens." I think one of the distinguishing +characteristics of a gentleman, and what makes the society of educated +gentlemen so pleasant, is that their language is appropriate without +effort. "'What a delicious shiver is creeping over those limes!' said +Lancelot, half to himself. The expression struck Argemone; it was the +right one." This is what makes some people's conversation so +interesting. It is full of appropriate language. This is perhaps even +more the case with educated ladies. I think it is Macaulay who says that +the ordinary letter of an English lady is the best English style to be +found anywhere. + +"It would be bad _grammar_," said Cobbett, "to say of the House of +Commons, 'It is a sink of iniquity, and they are a set of rascally +swindlers.'" Of course, the bad grammar is almost immaterial. The +expression is either a gross libel or a lamentable fact. "If a man," +said Sydney Smith, "were to kill the minister and churchwardens of his +parish nobody would accuse him of want of taste. The Scythians always +ate their grandfathers; they behaved very respectfully to them for a long +time, but as soon as their grandfathers became old and troublesome, and +began to tell long stories, they immediately ate them; nothing could be +more _improper_ and even _disrespectful_ than dining off such near and +venerable relations, yet we could not with any propriety accuse them of +bad taste." This is very humorous. To say that it is improper or +disrespectful is as absurd as to say that it is bad taste. It is +properly described as cruel, revolting, and abominable. + +Not being at all a French scholar, and coming suddenly in view of Mont +Blanc, I ventured to say to my guide, "_C'est tres joli_." "_Non_, +_Monsieur_," said he, "_ce n'est pas joli_, _mais c'est curieux a voir_." +I think we were both of us rather out of it that time. + +I remember an old lady of my acquaintance pointing to her new chintz of +peonies and sunflowers, and asking me if I did not think it was very +"chaste." I should like to have said, "Oh, yes, very, quite rococo," but +I daren't. + +The wife of a clergyman, writing to the papers about the "Penge Mystery," +said that certain of the parties (whom most right-minded people thought +had committed most atrocious crimes, if not actual murder) had been +guilty of a breach of "les convenances de societe." This is almost equal +to De Quincey's friend, who committed a murder, which at the time he +thought little about. Keble said to Froude, "Froude, you said you +thought Law's _Serious Call_ was a clever book; it seemed to me as if you +had said the Day of Judgment will be a pretty sight." + +I ought here to mention the use, or rather misuse, of words which are +often called "slang," such as "awfully jolly," "fearfully tedious," +"horribly dull," or the expression "quite alarming," which young ladies, +I think, have now happily forgotten, and the equally silly use of the +word "howling" by young men. Such expressions mean absolutely nothing, +and are destructive of intelligent conversation. A man was being tried +for a serious assault, and had used a violent and coarse expression +towards the prosecutor. "You must be careful not to be misled by the bad +language reported to have been used by the prisoner," said the judge. +"You will find from the evidence that he has applied the same expression +to his best friend, to a glass of beer, to his grandmother, his boots, +and his own eyes." + +4. _Criticism should be strong_. + +I hope from the remarks I have previously made it will not be supposed +that I think all criticism should be of a flat, neutral tint, or what may +be called the washy order. On the contrary, if criticism is not strong +it cannot lift a young genius out of the struggling crowd, and it cannot +beat down some bumptious impostor. If the critic really believes that a +new poet writes like Milton, or a new artist paints like Sir Joshua, let +him say so; or if he thinks any work vile or contemptible, let him say +so; but let him say so well. Mere exaggerated language, as we have seen, +is not strength; but if there is real strength in the criticism, and it +is proportionate and appropriate, it will effect its purpose. It will +free the genius, or it will crush the humbug. A good critic should be +feared: + + "Good Lord, I wouldn't have that man + Attack me in the _Times_," + +was said of Jacob Omnium. + + "Yes, I am proud, I own it, when I see + Men not afraid of God afraid of me," + +Pope said, and I can fancy with what a stern joy an honest critic would +arise and slay what he believed to be false and vicious. In no time was +the need of strong criticism greater than it is at present. The press is +teeming with rubbish and something worse. Everybody reads anything that +is published with sufficient flourish and advertisement, and those who +read have mostly no power of judging for themselves, nor would they be +turned from the garbage which seems to delight them by any gentle +persuasion. It is therefore most necessary that the critic should speak +out plainly and boldly, though with temper and discretion. I suppose we +have all of us read Lord Macaulay's criticism upon Robert Montgomery's +poems. The poems are, of course, forgotten; but the essay still lives as +a specimen of the terribly slashing style. This is the way one couplet +is dealt with-- + + "The soul aspiring pants its source to mount, + As streams meander level with their fount." + +"We take this on the whole to be the worst similitude in the world. In +the first place, no stream meanders, or can possibly meander, level with +its fount. In the next place, if streams did meander level with their +founts, no two motions can be less like each other than that of +meandering level and that of mounting upwards. After saying that +lightning is designless and self-created, he says, a few lines further +on, that it is the Deity who bids + + 'the thunder rattle from the skiey deep.' + +His theory is therefore this, that God made the thunder but the lightning +made itself." Of course, poor Robert Montgomery was crushed flat, and +rightly. Yet before this essay was written his poems had a larger +circulation than Southey or Coleridge, just as in our own time Martin +Tupper had a larger sale than Tennyson or Browning. Fancy if Tupper had +been treated in the same vein how the following lines would have fared:-- + + "Weep, relentless eye of Nature, + Drop some pity on the soil, + Every plant and every creature + Droops and faints in dusty toil." + +What do the plants toil at? I thought we knew they toil not, neither do +they spin. It goes on-- + + "Then the cattle and the flowers + Yet shall raise their drooping heads, + And, refreshed by plenteous showers, + Lie down joyful in their beds." + +Whether the flowers are to lie down in the cattle beds or the cattle are +to lie down in the flower beds does not perhaps distinctly appear, but I +venture to think that either catastrophe is not so much to be desired as +the poet seems to imagine. + +In the Diary of Jeames yellowplush a couplet of Lord Lytton's _Sea +Captain_ is thus dealt with-- + + "Girl, beware, + The love that trifles round the charms it gilds + Oft ruins while it shines." + +"Igsplane this men and angels! I've tried everyway, back'ards, for'ards, +and in all sorts of tranceposishons as thus-- + + The love that ruins round the charms it shines + Gilds while it trifles oft, + +or + + The charm that gilds around the love it ruins + Oft trifles while it shines, + +or + + The ruin that love gilds and shines around + Oft trifles while it charms, + +or + + Love while it charms, shines round and ruins oft + The trifles that it gilds, + +or + + The love that trifles, gilds, and ruins oft + While round the charms it shines. + +All which are as sensable as the fust passidge." + +Dryden added coarseness to strength in his remarks when he wrote of one +of Settle's plays:--"To conclude this act with the most rumbling piece of +nonsense spoken yet-- + + 'To flattering lightning our feigned smiles conform, + Which, backed with thunder, do but gild a storm.' + +Conform a smile to lightning, make a smile imitate lightning; lightning +sure is a threatening thing. And this lightning must gild a storm; and +gild a storm by being backed by thunder. So that here is gilding by +conforming, smiling lightning, backing and thundering. I am mistaken if +nonsense is not here pretty thick sown. Sure the poet writ these two +lines aboard some smack in a storm, and, being sea-sick, spewed up a good +lump of clotted nonsense at once." Dryden wrote in a fit of rage and +spite, and it is not necessary to be vulgar in order to be strong; but it +is really a good thing to expose in plain language the meandering +nonsense which, unless detected, is apt to impose upon careless readers, +and so to encourage writers in their bad habits. + +A young friend of mine imagined that he could make his fame as a painter. +Holding one of his pictures before his father, and his father saying it +was roughly and carelessly done, he said, "No, but, father, look; it +looks better if I hold it further off." "Yes, Charlie, the further you +hold it off the better it looks." That was severe, but strong and just. +The young man had no real genius for painting, and his father knew it. + +It must be remembered that criticism cannot be strong unless it be the +real opinion of the writer. If the critic is hampered by endeavouring to +make his own views square with those of the writer, or the publisher, or +the public, he cannot speak out his mind, but is half-hearted in his +work. + +5. _Natural_. + +Criticism should be natural, that is, not too artificial. This is a +somewhat difficult matter upon which to lay down any rules; but one often +feels what a terrible thing it is when one wants to admire something to +be told, "Oh, but the unities are not preserved," or this or that is +quite inadmissible by all the rules of art. + +"Hallo! you chairman, here's sixpence; do step into that bookseller's +shop, and call me a day-tall critic. I am very willing to give any of +them a crown to help me with his tackling to get my father and my uncle +Toby off the stairs, and to put them to bed." + +"And how did Garrick speak the soliloquy last night?" "Oh, against all +rule, my lord, most ungrammatically! Betwixt the substantive and the +adjective, which should agree together in number, case, and gender, he +made a breach thus--stopping as if the point wanted settling; and betwixt +the nominative case, which your lordship knows should govern the verb, he +suspended his voice a dozen times, three seconds, and three fifths, by a +stop watch, my lord, each time." Admirable grammarian! "But, in +suspending his voice, was the sense suspended likewise? Did no +expression of attitude or countenance fill up the chasm? Was the eye +silent? Did you narrowly look?" "I looked only at the stop watch, my +lord." Excellent observer!" And what about this new book that the whole +world makes such a rout about?" "Oh, it is out of all plumb, my lord, +quite an irregular thing! Not one of the angles at the four corners was +a right angle. I had my rule and compasses, my lord, in my pocket." +Excellent critic! "And for the epic poem your lordship bid me look at; +upon taking the length, breadth, height, and depth of it, and trying them +at home upon an exact scale of Bossu's, 'tis out, my lord, in every one +of its dimensions." Admirable connoisseur! "And did you step in to take +a look at the grand picture on your way back." "It is a melancholy daub! +my lord, not one principle of the pyramid in any one group; there is +nothing of the colouring of Titian, the expression of Rubens, the grace +of Raphael, the purity of Domenichino, the corregiescity of Corregio, the +learning of Poussin, the airs of Guido, the taste of the Caraccis, or the +grand contour of Angelo." "Grant me patience, just heaven! Of all the +cants which are canted in this canting world, though the cant of +hypocrites may be the worst--the cant of criticism is the most +tormenting! I would go fifty miles on foot, for I have not a horse worth +riding on, to kiss the hand of that man whose generous heart will give up +the reins of his imaginations into his author's hands; be pleased, he +knows not why, and cares not wherefore. Great Apollo! if thou art in a +giving humour, give me--I ask no more--but one stroke of native humour +with a single spark of thy own fire along with it, and send Mercury with +the rules and compasses if he can be spared, with my compliments, to--no +matter." + +This is all very amusing, and I don't know that the case upon that side +could be better stated, except that it is overstated; for, if this be +true, there ought to be no such thing as criticism at all, and all rules +are worse than useless. Everybody may do as he pleases. And yet we know +that not only is there a right way and a wrong of painting a picture, +writing a book, making a building, or composing a symphony, but there are +rules which, if disobeyed, will destroy the work. These rules, +apparently artificial, have their foundation in nature, and were first +dictated by her. Only we must be careful still to appeal constantly to +her as the source and fountain of our rules. + + "First follow nature, and your judgment frame + By her just standard, which is still the same, + Unerring nature, still divinely blight, + One clear, unchanged, and universal light, + Life, force, and beauty must to all impart, + At once the source, and end, and test of art." + +By too much attention to theory, by too close a study of books, we may +become narrow-minded and pedantic, and gradually may become unable to +appreciate natural beauties, our whole attention being concentrated on +the defects in art. We want to listen to the call of the poet, + + "Come forth into the light of things, + Let nature be your teacher." + +It is nature that mellows and softens the distance, and brings out +sharply the lights and shadows of the foreground, and the artist must +follow her if he would succeed. It is nature who warbles softly in the +love notes of the bird, and who elevates the soul by the roar of the +cataract and the pealing of the thunder. To her the musician and the +poet listen, and imitate the great teacher. It is nature who, in the +structure of the leaf or in the avenue of the lofty limes, teaches the +architect how to adorn his designs with the most graceful of +embellishments, to rear the lofty column or display the lengthening vista +of the cathedral aisle. It is nature who is teaching us all to be +tender, loving, and true, and to love and worship God, and to admire all +His works. Let us then in our criticism refer everything first of all to +nature. Is the work natural? Does it follow nature? Secondly, does it +follow the rules of art? If it passes the first test, it is well worth +the courteous attention of the critic. If it passes both tests, it is +perfect. But if only the second test is passed, it may please a few +pedants, but it is worthless, and cannot live. + +6. _Criticisms should be bona fide_. + +You will be rather alarmed at a lawyer beginning this topic, and will +expect to hear pages of "Starkie on Libel," or to have all the +perorations of Erskine's speeches recited to you. For one terrible +moment I feel I have you in my power; but I scorn to take advantage of +the position. I don't mean to talk about libel at all, or, at least, not +more than I can help. I have been endeavouring to show what good +criticism should be like. If criticism is so base that there is a +question to be left to a jury as to what damages ought to be paid for the +speaking or writing of it, one may say at once that it is unworthy of the +name of criticism at all. Slander is not criticism. But there is a +great deal of criticism which may be called not _bona fide_, which is yet +not malicious. It is biassed perhaps, even from some charitable motive, +perhaps from some sordid motive, perhaps from indolence, from a desire to +be thought learned or clever, or what not--in fact, from one or other of +those thousand things which prevent persons from speaking fairly and +straightforwardly. When you take up the _Athenaeum_ or the _Spectator_, +and read from those very able reviews an account of the last new novel, +do you think the writer has written simply what he truly thinks and feels +about the matter? No! he has been told he has been dull of late. He +feels he must write a spicy review. He has a cold in his head, he is +savage accordingly. A friend of his tells him he knows the author, or he +recognizes the name of a college friend--he will be lenient. The book is +on a subject which he meant to take up himself; and, without knowing it, +he is jealous. I need not multiply further these suggestions which will +occur to anyone. We all remember the dinner in Paternoster Row given by +Mrs. Bungay, the publisher's wife. Bungay and Bacon are at daggers +drawn; each married the sister of the other, and they were for some time +the closest friends and partners. Since they have separated it is a +furious war between the two publishers, and no sooner does one bring out +a book of travels or poems, but the rival is in the field with something +similar. We all remember the delight of Mrs. Bungay when the Hon. Percy +Popjoy drives up in a private hansom with an enormous grey cab horse and +a tiger behind, and Mrs. Bacon is looking out grimly from the window on +the opposite side of the street. "In the name of commonsense, Mr. +Pendennis," Shandon asked, "what have you been doing--praising one of Mr. +Bacon's books? Bungay has been with me in a fury this morning at seeing +a laudatory article upon one of the works of the odious firm over the +way." Pen's eyes opened wide with astonishment. "Do you mean to say," +he asked, "that we are to praise no books that Bacon publishes; or that +if the books are good we are to say that they are bad?" Pen says, "I +would rather starve, by Jove, and never earn another penny by my pen, +than strike an opponent an unfair blow, or if called upon to place him, +rank him below his honest desert." + +There was a trial in London in December, 1878, which illustrates the +subject I am upon. It was an action for libel by the well-known artist, +Mr. Whistler, against Mr. Ruskin, the most distinguished art critic of +the age. The passage in the writing of Mr. Ruskin, of which Mr. Whistler +complained, contains, I think, almost every fault which, according to my +divisions, a criticism can contain. The passage is as follows:--"For Mr. +Whistler's own sake no less than for the protection of the purchaser, Sir +Coutts Lindsey ought not to have admitted works into the gallery in which +the ill-educated conceit of the artist so nearly approached the aspect of +wilful imposture. I have seen and heard much of cockney impudence before +now, but never expected to hear a coxcomb ask 200 guineas for flinging a +pot of paint in the public's face." + +The Attorney-General of the day, as counsel for Mr. Ruskin, said that +this was a severe and slashing criticism, but perfectly fair and _bona +fide_. + +Now, let us see. First, there is the expression, "the ill-educated +conceit of the artist nearly approached the aspect of wilful imposture." +That may be severe and slashing, but is it fair? If there _was_ a wilful +imposition, why not say so; but, of course, there was not, and could not +be; but it is most unfair to insinuate that there nearly was. The truth +is, the words "wilful imposture" are a gross exaggeration. The jury, +after retiring, came into court and asked the judge what was the meaning +of wilful imposture, and, being told that it meant nothing in particular, +they returned a verdict of damages one farthing, which meant to say that +they thought equally little of Whistler's picture and of Ruskin's +criticism. Next we come to "Cockney impudence" and "coxcomb." Surely +these terms must be grossly inappropriate to the subject in hand, which +is Whistler's painting, and not his personal qualities. Next, it seems +that Mr. Ruskin thinks it is an offence to ask 200 guineas for a picture, +but where the offence lies we are not told. It might be folly to _give_ +200 guineas for one of Whistler's pictures, but why should he be abused +for asking it? The insinuation is that it is a false pretence, and such +an insinuation is not _bona fide_. Lastly, we are told that Mr. Whistler +has been flinging a pot of paint in the public's face. In the first +place, this is vulgar. In the next place, it is absurd. When Sydney +Smith said that someone's writing was like a spider having escaped from +the inkstand and wandered over the paper, it was an exaggerated +criticism, but it was appropriate. But if Mr. Whistler flung a pot of +paint anywhere, it was upon his own canvas, and not into the face of the +public. Now, let anybody think what is the effect of such criticism. Is +one enabled by the light of it to see the merits or faults of Whistler's +painting? And yet this was written by the greatest art critic in this +country, by the man who has done more to reveal the secrets of Nature and +of Art to us all than any man living, and, I had almost said, than any +living or dead. But passion and arrogance are not criticism; and, in the +sense in which I have used the term, such criticism is not _bona fide_. +Well may Mr. Matthew Arnold say, speaking of Mr. Ruskin's criticism upon +another subject, that he forgets all moderation and proportion, and loses +the balance of his mind. This, he says, "is to show in one's criticism +to the highest excess the note of provinciality." + +There was, once upon a time, a very strong Court of Appeal. It was +universally acknowledged to be so, and the memory of it still remains, +and very old lawyers still love to recall its glories. It was composed +of Lord Chancellor Campbell and the Lords Justices Knight-Bruce and +Turner. Bethell (afterwards Lord Westbury) was an ambitious and aspiring +man, and was always most caustic in his criticisms. He had been arguing +before the above Court one day, and upon his turning round after +finishing his argument, some counsel in the row behind him asked, "Well, +Bethell, how will their judgment go?" Bethell replied, in his softest +but most cutting tones, "I do not know. Knight-Bruce is a jack-pudding. +Turner is an old woman. And no human being can by any possibility +predict what will fall from the lips of that inexpressibly fatuous +individual who sits in the middle." This is funny, but it is vulgar, and +it is not given in good faith. It is the offspring of anger and spite +mixed with a desire to be clever and antithetical. + +I gather from Mr. Matthew Arnold's essays on criticism that the endeavour +of the critic should be to see the object criticized "as in itself it +really is," or as in another passage he says, "Real criticism obeys an +instinct prompting it to know the best that is known and thought in the +world." "In order to do or to be this, criticism," he says, in italics, +"ought to be _disinterested_." He points out how much English criticism +is not disinterested. He says, "We have the _Edinburgh Review_, existing +as an organ of the old Whigs, and for as much play of mind as may suit +its being _that_; we have the _Quarterly Review_, existing as an organ of +the Tories, and for as much play of mind as may suit its being that; we +have the _British Quarterly Review_, existing as an organ of the +political Dissenters, and for as much play of mind as may suit its being +that; we have the _Times_ existing as an organ of the common satisfied +well-to-do Englishman, and for as much play of mind as may suit its being +that. . . . Directly this play of mind wants to have more scope, and to +forget the pressure of practical considerations a little, it is checked, +it is made to feel the chain. We saw this the other day in the +extinction so much to be regretted of the _Home and Foreign Review_; +perhaps in no organ of criticism was there so much knowledge, so much +play of mind; but these could not save it. It must needs be that men +should act in sects and parties, that each of these sects and parties +should have its organ, and should make this organ subserve the interest +of its action; but it would be well too that there should be a criticism, +not the minister of those interests, nor their enemy, but absolutely and +entirely independent of them. No other criticism will ever attain any +real authority, or make any real way towards its end,--the creating a +current of true and fresh ideas." + +This, it must be remembered, was written in 1865. Would Mr. Matthew +Arnold be happier now with the _Fortnightly_ and the _Nineteenth Century_ +and others? There is, I think, a good deal of truth in the passage I +have just quoted. I think he might have allowed that, among so many +writers, each advocating his own view or the view of his party or sect, +we ought to have some chance of forming a judgment. A question seems to +get a fair chance of being + + "Set in all lights by many minds + To close the interests of all." + +But, as I said, there is a good deal in what the writer says. The _Daily +News_ says the Government is all wrong, and the _Daily Telegraph_ says it +is all right; and if any paper ventured to be moderate it would go to the +wall in a week. I think what he says is true, but there is no occasion +to be so angry about it. We really are very thankful for such men as +Carlyle, Ruskin, and Matthew Arnold, and I can't help thinking they have +had their proper share of praise, and have had their share of influence +upon their age. The air of neglected superiority, which they assume, +detracts not a little from the pleasure with which one always reads them. + +Perhaps some of my conservative friends will regret the good old times in +which criticism was really criticism, when a book had to run the gauntlet +of a few well established critics of _the_ club, or a play was applauded +or damned by a select few in the front row of the pit. I agree to lament +a past which can never return, but, on the whole, I think we are the +gainers. Also, I very much incline to think that the standard of +criticism is higher now than in the very palmy days when Addison wrote; +or when the _Edinburgh_ or _Quarterly_ were first started. I incline to +agree with Leslie Stephen in his _Hours in a Library_, that, if most of +the critical articles of even Jeffrey and Mackintosh were submitted to a +modern editor, he would reject them as inadequate; but I think that +perhaps they excel our modern efforts in a certain reserve and dignity, +and in a more matured thoughtfulness. + +If criticism is an art, such as I have described it, and is subject to +certain rules and conditions; if good criticism is appreciative, +proportionate, appropriate, strong, natural, and _bona fide_, and bad +criticism is the reverse of all this, why, you will ask, cannot the art +be taught by some School or Academy; and if criticism is so important a +matter as you say, surely the State might see to it? I must own I am +against it. Mr. Matthew Arnold, who is much in favour of founding an +academy, which is not only to judge of original works but of the +criticisms of others upon them, states the matter very fairly. He says, +"So far as routine and authority tend to embarrass energy and inventive +genius, academies may be said to be obstructive to energy and inventive +genius; and, to this extent, to the human spirit's general advance. But +then this evil is so much compensated by the propagation on a large scale +of the mental aptitudes and demands, which an open mind and a flexible +intelligence naturally engender; genius itself in the long run so greatly +finds its account in this propagation, and bodies like the French Academy +have such power for promoting it, that the general advance of the human +spirit is perhaps, on the whole, rather furthered than impeded by their +existence." + +But I do not accede to this opinion. It is under the free open air of +heaven, in the wild woods and the meadows that the loveliest and sweetest +flowers bloom, and not in the trim gardens or the hot-houses, and even in +our gardens in England we strive to preserve some lingering traits of the +open country. I believe that just as the gift of freedom to the masses +of our countrymen teaches them to use that freedom with care and +intelligence, just as the abolition of tests and oaths makes men loyal +and trustworthy, so it is well to have freedom in literature and +criticism. Mistakes will be made and mischief done, but in the long run +the effect of a keen competition, and an advancing public taste will +tell. I don't hesitate to assert, without fear of contradiction, that +critical art has improved rapidly during the last twenty years in this +country, where a man is free to start a critical review, and to write +about anybody, or anything, and in any manner, provided he keeps within +the law. He is only restrained by the competition of others, and by the +public taste, which are both constantly increasing. No doubt an author +will write with greater spirit, and with greater decorum, if he knows +that his merits are sure to be fairly acknowledged, and his faults +certain to be accurately noted. But this object may be attained, I +believe, without an academy. On the other hand, what danger there is in +an academy becoming cliquey, nay even corrupt. We have an academy here +in the painting art, but except that it collects within its walls every +year a vaster number of daubs than it is possible for any one ever to see +with any degree of comfort, I don't know what particular use it is of. As +a school or college it may be of use, but as a critical academy it does +very little. + +I have thus endeavoured to show what I mean by my six divisions of +criticism, and I have no doubt you will all of you have divined that my +six divisions are capable of being expressed in one word, Criticism must +be _true_. To be true, it must be appreciative, or understanding, it +must be in due proportion, it must be appropriate, it must be strong, it +must be natural, it must be _bona fide_. There is nothing which an +Englishman hates so much as being false. Our great modern poet, in one +of his strongest lines, says-- + + "This is a shameful thing for men to lie." + +And he speaks of Wellington-- + + "Truth teller was our England's Alfred named, + Truth lover was our English Duke." + +Emerson notices that many of our phrases turn upon this love of truth, +such as "The English of this is," "Honour bright," "His word is as good +as his bond." + + "'Tis not enough taste, learning, judgment join; + In all you speak let truth, and candour shine." + +I am certain that if men and women would believe that it is important +that they should form a true judgment upon things, and that they should +speak or write it when required, we should get rid of a great deal of bad +art, bad books, bad pictures, bad buildings, bad music, and bad morals. I +am further certain that by constantly uttering false criticisms we +perpetuate such things. And what harm we are doing to our own selves in +the meantime! How habitually warped, how unsteady, how feeble, the +judgment becomes, which is not kept bright and vigorous through right +use. How insensibly we become callous or indolent about forming a +correct judgment. "It is a pleasure to stand upon the shore and see the +ships tossed upon the sea; a pleasure to stand in the window of a castle +and to see a battle and the adventures thereof below: but no pleasure is +comparable to the standing upon the vantage ground of truth (a hill not +to be commanded and where the air is always clear and serene) and to see +the errors and wanderings and mists and tempests in the vale below, so +always that this prospect be with pity and not with swelling or pride. +Certainly it is heaven upon earth to have a man's mind move in charity, +rest in Providence, and turn upon the poles of truth." + +In conclusion, I am aware that I have treated the subject most +inadequately, and that others have treated the same subject with much +more power; but I am satisfied of the great importance of a right use of +the critical faculty, and I think it may be that my mode of treatment may +arrest the attention of some minds which are apt to be frightened at a +learned method, and may induce them to take more heed of the judgments +which they are hourly passing on a great variety of subjects. If we +still persist in saying when some one jingles some jig upon the piano +that it is "charming," if we say of every daub in the Academy that it is +"lovely," if every new building or statue is pronounced "awfully jolly," +if the fastidious rubbish of the last volume of poetry is "grand," if the +slip-shod grammar of the last new novel is "quite sweet," when shall we +see an end of these bad things? And observe further, these bad things +live on and affect the human mind for ever. Bad things are born of bad. +Who can tell what may be the effect of seeing day by day an hideous +building, of hearing day by day indifferent music, of constantly reading +a lot of feeble twaddle? Surely one effect will be that we shall +gradually lose our appreciation of what is good and beautiful. "A thing +of beauty is a joy for ever." Ah! but we must have eyes to see it. This +springtime is lovely, if we have the eyes to see it; but, if we have not, +its loveliness is nothing to us, and if we miss seeing it we shall have +dimmer eyes to see it next year and the next; and if we cannot now see +beauty and truth through the glass darkly, we shall be unable to gaze on +them when we come to see them face to face. + + + +II. ON LUXURY. + + +An eminent lawyer of my acquaintance had a Socratic habit of interrupting +the conversation by saying, "Let us understand one another: when you say +so-and-so, do you mean so-and-so, or something quite different?" Now, +although it is intolerable that the natural flow of social intercourse +should be thus impeded, yet in writing a paper to be laid before a +learned and fastidious society one is bound to let one's hearers a little +into the secret, and to state fairly what the subject of the essay really +is. I suppose we shall all admit that bad luxury is bad, and good luxury +is good, unless the phrase good luxury is a contradiction in terms. We +must try to avoid disputing about words. The word luxury, according to +its derivation, signifies an extravagant and outrageous indulgence of the +appetites or desires. If we take this as the meaning of the word, we +shall agree that luxury is bad; but if we take luxury to be only another +name for the refinements of civilization, we shall all approve of it. But +the real and substantial question is not what the word means, but, what +is that thing which we all agree is bad or good; where does the bad begin +and the good end; how are we to discern the difference; and how are we to +avoid the one and embrace the other. In this essay, therefore, I intend +to use the word luxury to denote that indulgence which interferes with +the full and proper exercise of all the faculties, powers, tastes, and +whatever is good and worthy in a man. Enjoyments, relaxations, delights, +indulgences which are beneficial, I do not denominate "luxury." All +indulgences which fit us for our duties are good; all which tend to unfit +us for them are bad; and these latter I call luxuries. Some one will +say, perhaps, that some indulgences are merely indifferent, and produce +no appreciable effect upon body or mind; and it might be enough to +dismiss such things with the maxim, "_de minimis non curat lex_." But +the doctrine is dangerous, and I doubt if anything in this world is +absolutely immaterial. De Quincey mentions the case of a man who +committed a murder, which at the time he thought little about, but he was +led on from that to gambling and Sabbath breaking. Probably in this +weary world any indulgence or pleasure which is not bad is not +indifferent, but absolutely good. The world is not so bright, so +comfortable, so pleasant, that we can afford to scorn the good the gods +provide us. In Mr. Reade's book on _Study and Stimulants_, Matthew +Arnold says, a moderate use of wine adds to the agreeableness of life, +and whatever adds to the agreeableness of life, adds to its resources and +powers. There cannot be a doubt that the bodily frame is capable of +being wearied, and that it needs repose and refreshment, and this is a +law which a man trifles with at his peril. The same is true of the +intellectual and moral faculties. They claim rest and refreshment; they +must have comfort and pleasure or they will begin to flag. It must also +be always remembered that in the every-day work of this world the body +and the mind have to go through a great deal which is depressing and +taxing to the energy, and a certain amount of "set off" is required to +keep the balance even. We must remember this especially with respect to +the poor. Pipes and cigars may be a luxury to the idle and rich, but we +ought not to grudge a pipe to a poor man who is overworked and miserable. +Some degree of comfort we all feel to be at times essential when we have +a comfortless task to perform. With good food and sleep, for instance, +we can get through the roughest work; with the relaxation of pleasant +society we can do the most tedious daily work. If, on the other hand, we +are worried and uncomfortable, we become unfitted for our business. We +all have our troubles to contend against, and we require comfort, +relaxation, stimulation of some sort to help us in the battle. There are +certain duties which most of us have to perform, and which, to use a +common expression, "take it out of us." Thus most of us are compelled to +travel more or less. An old gentleman travelling by coach on a long +journey wished to sleep off the tediousness of the night, but his +travelling companion woke him up every ten minutes with the inquiry, +"Well, sir, how are you by this." At last the old gentleman's patience +was fairly tired out. "I was very well when I got into the coach, and +I'm very well now, and if any change takes place I'll let you know." I +was coming from London to Beckenham, and in the carriage with me was a +gentleman quietly and attentively reading the newspaper. A lady opposite +to him, whenever we came to a station, cried out, "Oh, what station's +this, what station's this?" Being told, she subsided, more or less, till +the next station. The gentleman's patience was at last exhausted. "If +there is any _particular_ station at which you wish to alight I will +inform you when we arrive." + +Such are some of the annoying circumstances of travel. Then, at the end +of the journey, are we sure of a comfortable night's rest? It was a rule +upon circuit that the barristers arriving at an inn had the choice of +bedrooms according to seniority, and woe betide the junior who dared to +infringe the rule and endeavour to secure by force or fraud the best +bedroom. The leaders, who had the hardest work to do, required the best +night's rest. A party of barristers arrived late one night at their +accustomed inn, a half-way house to the next assize town, and found one +of the best bedrooms already occupied. They were told by some wag that +it was occupied by a young man just joined the circuit. There was a rush +to the bedroom. The culprit was dragged out of bed and deposited on the +floor. A venerable old gentleman in a nightcap and gown addressed the +ringleader of his assailants, Serjeant Golbourne, "Brother Golbourne, +brother Golbourne, is this the way to treat a Christian judge?" I should +not have liked to have been one of those who had to conduct a cause +before him next day. Who can be generous, benevolent, kindly, and even- +tempered if one is to be subjected to such harassing details as I have +above narrated? and I have no doubt that a fair amount of comfort is +necessary to the exercise of the Christian virtues. I am not at all sure +that pilgrims prayed any better because they had peas in their shoes, and +it is well known that soldiers fight best when they are well fed. A +certain amount of comfort and pleasure is good for us, and is refreshing +to body and spirit. Such things, for instance, as the bath in the +morning; the cup of warm tea or coffee for breakfast; the glass of beer +or wine and variety of food at dinner; the rest or nap in the arm-chair +or sofa; an occasional novel; the pipe before going to bed; the change of +dress; music or light reading in the evening; even the night-cap +recommended by Mr. Banting; games of chance or skill; dancing;--surely +such things may renovate, soothe, and render more elastic and vigorous +both body and mind. + +While, therefore, I have admitted fully that we all require "sweetness +and light," that some indulgence is necessary for the renovation of our +wearied souls and bodies; yet it very often will happen that the thing in +which we desire to indulge does not tend at all in this direction, or it +may be that, although a moderate indulgence does so tend, an immoderate +use has precisely the reverse effect. My subject, therefore, divides +itself, firstly, into a consideration of those luxuries which are _per +se_ deleterious, and those which are so only by excessive use. + +I suppose you will not be surprised to hear that I think we are in +danger, in the upper and middle classes at all events, of going far +beyond the point where pleasures and indulgences tend to the improvement +of body and mind. Surely there are many of us who can remember when the +habits of our fathers were less luxurious than they are now. In a +leading article in a newspaper not long ago the writer said, "All classes +without exception spend too much on what may be called luxuries. A very +marked change in this respect has been noticed by every one who studies +the movements of society. Among people whose fathers regarded champagne +as a devout Aryan might have regarded the Soma juice--viz., as a beverage +reserved for the gods and for millionaires--the foaming grape of Eastern +France is now habitually consumed. . . ." He goes on, "The luxuries of +the poor are few, and chiefly consist of too much beer, and of little +occasional dainties. What pleasures but the grossest does the State +provide for the artisan's leisure?" "It does not do," says the writer, +"to be hard upon them, but it is undeniable that this excess of +expenditure on what in no sense profits them is enormous in the mass." + +Not long ago a great outcry was heard about the extravagance and luxury +of the working man. It was stated often, and certainly not without +foundation, that the best of everything in the markets in the way of food +was bought at the highest prices by workmen or their wives; and although +the champagne was not perhaps so very freely indulged in, nor so pure as +might be wished, yet, that the working men indulged themselves in more +drink than was good for their stomachs, and in more expensive drinks than +was good for their purses, no man can doubt. + +If this increase of luxury is observable in the lower classes, how much +more easily can it be discerned in the middle classes. Take for instance +the pleasures of the table. I do not speak of great entertainments or +life in palaces or great houses, which do not so much vary from one age +to another, but of the ordinary life of people like ourselves. Spenser +says:-- + + "The antique world excess and pryde did hate, + Such proud luxurious pomp is swollen up of late." + +How many more dishes and how many more wines do we put on the table than +our ancestors afforded. Pope writes of Balaam's housekeeping:-- + + "A single dish the week day meal affords, + An added pudding solemnized the Lord's." + +Then when he became rich:-- + + "Live like yourself was soon my lady's word, + And lo, two puddings smoked upon the board!" + +Then his description of his own table is worth noting:-- + + "Content with little, I can manage here + On brocoli and mutton round the year, + 'Tis true no turbots dignify my boards, + But gudgeons, flounders, what my Thames affords. + + To Hounslow Heath I point, and Banstead Down; + Thence comes your mutton, and these chicks my own, + From yon old walnut tree a show'r shall fall, + And grapes, long lingering on my only wall, + And figs from standard and espalier join-- + The deuce is in you if you cannot dine." + +Now, however, the whole world is put under contribution to supply our +daily meals, and the palate is being constantly stimulated, and in some +degree impaired by a variety of food and wine. And I am sure that the +effect of this is to produce a distaste for wholesome food. I daresay we +have all heard of the Scotchman who had drunk too much whisky. He said, +"I can't drink water; it turns sae acid on the stomach." This increase +of the luxuries of the table, beyond what was the habit of our fathers, +is shown chiefly, I think, when we are at home and alone; but if one is +visiting or entertaining others, how often is one perfectly bored by the +quantity of food and drink which is handed round. Things in season and +out of season, perhaps ill assorted, ill cooked, cold, and calculated to +make one extremely ill, but no doubt costing a great deal of money, time, +and anxiety to the givers of the feast. Then we fall to grumbling, and +are discontented with having too much, but having acquired a habit of +expecting it we grumble still more if there is not as much as usual +provided. + + "He knows to live, who keeps the middle state, + And neither leans on this side or on that; + Nor stops, for one bad cork, his butler's pay; + Swears, like Albutius, a good cook away; + Nor lets, like Nevius, every error pass-- + The musty wine, foul cloth, or greasy glass." + +But what is the modern idea of a dinner?-- + + "After oysters Sauterne; then sherry, champagne, + E'er one bottle goes comes another again; + Fly up, thou bold cork, to the ceiling above, + And tell to our ears in the sounds that they love, + How pleasant it is to have money, + Heigh ho; + How pleasant it is to have money! + + Your Chablis is acid, away with the hock; + Give me the pure juice of the purple Medoc; + St. Peray is exquisite; but, if you please, + Some Burgundy just before tasting the cheese. + So pleasant it is to have money, + Heigh ho; + So pleasant it is to have money! + + Fish and soup and omelette and all that--but the deuce-- + There were to be woodcocks and not Charlotte Russe, + And so suppose now, while the things go away, + By way of a grace, we all stand up and say-- + How pleasant it is to have money, + Heigh ho; + How pleasant it is to have money! + +This, of course, is meant to be satirical; but no doubt many persons +regard the question of "good living" as much more important than "high +thinking." "My dear fellow," said Thackeray, when a dish was served at +the Rocher de Cancalle, "don't let us speak a word till we have finished +this dish." + + "'Mercy!' cries Helluo. 'Mercy on my soul! + Is there no hope? Alas!--then bring the jowl.'" + +A great peer, who had expended a large fortune, summoned his heir to his +death-bed, and told him that he had a secret of great importance to +impart to him, which might be some compensation for the injury he had +done him. The secret was that crab sauce was better than lobster sauce. + +"Persicos odi," "I hate all your Frenchified fuss." + + "But a nice leg of mutton, my Lucy, + I prithee get ready by three; + Have it smoking, and tender, and juicy, + And, what better meat can there be? + And when it has served for the master, + 'Twill amply suffice for the maid; + Meanwhile I will smoke my canaster, + And tipple my ale in the shade." + +Can anything be more awful than a public dinner--the waste, the +extravagance, the outrageous superfluity of everything, the enormous +waste of time, the solemn gorging, as if the whole end and aim of life +were turtle and venison. I do not know whether to dignify such +proceedings by the name of luxury. But what shall I say of gentlemen's +clubs. They are the very hotbed of luxury. By merely asking for it you +obtain almost anything you require in the way of luxury. I am aware that +many men at clubs live more carefully and frugally, but I am aware also +that a great many acquire habits of self-indulgence which produce +idleness and selfish indifference to the wants of others. In a still +more pernicious fashion, I think that refreshment bars at railway +stations minister to luxury; at least I am sure they foster a habit of +drinking more than is necessary, or desirable; and that is one form of +luxury, and a very bad one. The fellows of a Camford college are +reported to have met on one occasion and voted that we do sell our chapel +organ; and the next motion, carried _nem. con_., was that we do have a +dinner. As to ornaments for the dinner table what affectation and +expense do we see. But in the days of Walpole it was not amiss. "The +last branch of our fashion into which the close observation of nature has +been introduced is our desserts. Jellies, biscuits, sugar plums, and +creams have long since given way to harlequins, gondoliers, Turks, +Chinese, and shepherdesses of Saxon china. Meadows of cattle spread +themselves over the table. Cottages in sugar, and temples in barley +sugar, pigmy Neptunes in cars of cockle shells trampling over oceans of +looking glass or seas of silver tissue. Gigantic figures succeed to +pigmies; and it is known that a celebrated confectioner complained that, +after having prepared a middle dish of gods and goddesses eighteen feet +high, his lord would not cause the ceiling of his parlour to be +demolished to facilitate their entree. "_Imaginez-vous_," said he, "_que +milord n'a pas vouler faire oter le plafond_!" + +To show how much luxurious living has increased during the present +century I propose to quote a portion of that wonderfully brilliant third +chapter of Macaulay's _England_ which we all know. Speaking of the +squire of former days, he says, "His chief serious employment was the +care of his property. He examined samples of grain, handled pigs, and, +on market days, made bargains over a tankard with drovers and hop +merchants. His chief pleasures were commonly derived from field sports +and from an unrefined sensuality. His language and pronunciation were +such as we should now expect to hear only from the most ignorant clowns. +His oaths, coarse jests, and scurrilous terms of abuse were uttered with +the broadest accent of his province. It was easy to discern from the +first words which he spoke whether he came from Somersetshire or +Yorkshire. He troubled himself little about decorating his abode, and, +if he attempted decoration, seldom produced anything but deformity. The +litter of a farm-yard gathered under the windows of his bed-chamber, and +the cabbages and gooseberry bushes grew close to his hall door. His +table was loaded with coarse plenty; and guests were cordially welcomed +to it. But as the habit of drinking to excess was general in the class +to which he belonged, and as his fortune did not enable him to intoxicate +large assemblies daily with claret or canary, strong beer was the +ordinary beverage. The quantity of beer consumed in those days was +indeed enormous. For beer was then to the middle and lower classes not +only what beer is now, but all that wine, tea, and ardent spirits now +are. It was only at great houses or on great occasions that foreign +drink was placed on the board. The ladies of the house, whose business +it had commonly been to cook the repast, retired as soon as the dishes +were devoured, and left the gentlemen to their ale and tobacco. The +coarse jollity of the afternoon was often prolonged till the revellers +were laid under the table." + +I quote again from another portion of the same chapter in +Macaulay:--"Slate has succeeded to thatch, and brick to timber. The +pavements and the lamps, the display of wealth in the principal shops, +and the luxurious neatness of the dwellings occupied by the gentry, +would, in the seventeenth century, have seemed miraculous." Speaking of +watering-places he says:--"The gentry of Derbyshire and of the +neighbouring counties repaired to Buxton, where they were crowded into +low wooden sheds and regaled with oatcake, and with a viand which the +hosts called mutton, but which the guests strongly suspected to be dog." +Of Tunbridge Wells he says--"At present we see there a town which would, +a hundred and sixty years ago, have ranked in population fourth or fifth +among the towns in England. The brilliancy of the shops and the luxury +of the private dwellings far surpasses anything that England could then +show." At Bath "the poor patients to whom the waters had been +recommended, lay on straw in a place which, to use the language of a +contemporary physician, was a covert rather than a lodging. As to the +comforts and luxuries to be found in the interior of the houses at Bath +by the fashionable visitors who resorted thither in search of health and +amusement, we possess information more complete and minute than generally +can be obtained on such subjects. A writer assures us that in his +younger days the gentlemen who visited the springs slept in rooms hardly +as good as the garrets which he lived to see occupied by footmen. The +floors of the dining-room were uncarpeted, and were coloured brown with a +wash made of soot and small beer in order to hide the dirt. Not a +wainscot was painted. Not a hearth or chimney piece was of marble. A +slab of common freestone, and fire-irons which had cost from three to +four shillings, were thought sufficient for any fireplace. The best +apartments were hung with coarse woollen stuff, and were furnished with +rush-bottomed chairs." + +Of London Macaulay says:--"The town did not, as now, fade by +imperceptible degrees into the country. No long avenues of villas, +embowered in lilacs and laburnum, extended from the great source of +wealth and civilization almost to the boundaries of Middlesex, and far +into the heart of Kent and Surrey." In short, there was nothing like the +Avenue and the Fox Grove, Beckenham, in old times, and we who live there +ought to be immensely grateful for our undeserved blessings. "At +present," he says, "the bankers, the merchants, and the chief shopkeepers +repair to the city on six mornings of every week for the transaction of +business; but they reside in other quarters of the metropolis or suburban +country seats, surrounded by shrubberies and flower gardens." Again, "If +the most fashionable parts of the capital could be placed before us, such +as they then were, we should be disgusted by their squalid appearance, +and poisoned by their noisome atmosphere. In Covent Garden a filthy and +noisy market was held close to the dwellings of the great. Fruit women +screamed, carters fought, cabbage stalks and rotten apples accumulated in +heaps at the thresholds of the Countess of Berkshire and of the Bishop of +Durham." + +Well, you will say, all this proves what a vast improvement we have +achieved. Yes; but we must remember that Macaulay was writing on that +side of the question. Are we not more self-indulgent, more fond of our +flowers, villas, carriages, etc., than we need be; less hard working and +industrious; more desirous of getting the means of indulgence by some +short and ready way--by speculation, gambling, and shady, if not +dishonest dealing--than our fathers were? I need not follow at further +length Macaulay's description of these earlier times--of the black +rivulets roaring down Ludgate Hill, filled with the animal and vegetable +filth from the stalls of butchers and greengrocers, profusely thrown to +right and left upon the foot-passengers upon the narrow pavements; the +garret windows opened and pails emptied upon the heads below; thieves +prowling about the dark streets at night, amid constant rioting and +drunkenness; the difficulties and discomforts of travelling, when the +carriages stuck fast in the quagmires; the travellers attacked by +highwaymen. He narrates how it took Prince George of Denmark, who +visited Petworth in wet weather, six hours to go nine miles. Compare +this to a journey in a first-class carriage or Pullman car upon the +Midland Railway, and think of the luxuries demanded by the traveller on +his journey if he is going to travel for more than two or three hours: +the dinner, the coffee, the cigar, the newspaper and magazine, etc., etc. + +There is a passage in the beginning of _Tom Brown's School Days_ in which +the author ridicules the quantity of great coats, wrappers, and rugs +which a modern schoolboy takes with him, though he is going to travel +first class, with foot-warmers. Then, in our houses, what stoves and hot- +water pipes and baths do we not require! How many soaps and powders, +rough towels and soft towels! Sir Charles Napier, I think, said that all +an officer wanted to take with him on a campaign was a towel, a tooth- +brush, and a piece of yellow soap. The great excuse for the bath is that +if it is warm it is cleansing; if it is cold, it is invigorating; but +what shall we say to Turkish Baths? Surely there is more time wasted +than enough, and, unless as a medical cure, it may become an idle habit. +I have seen private Turkish Baths in private houses. What are we coming +to? We used to be proud of our ordinary wash-hand basins, and make fun +of the little saucers that we found provided for our ablutions upon the +Continent. At the time of the great Exhibition of 1851 _Punch_ had a +picture of two very grimy Frenchmen regarding with wonder an ordinary +English wash-stand. "_Comment appelle-t'on cette machine la_," says one; +to which the other replies, "_Je ne sais pas_, _mais c'est drole_." A +great advance has been made in the furniture of our houses. We fill our +rooms, especially our drawing-rooms or boudoirs, with endless arm-chairs +and sofas of various shapes--all designed to give repose to the limbs; +but I am sure they tend towards lazy habits, and very often interfere +with work. Surely there has lately risen a custom of overdoing the +embellishment and ornamentation of our houses. We fill our rooms too +full of all sorts of knick-knacks, so much so that we can hardly move +about for fear of upsetting something. "I have a fire [in my bedroom] +all day," writes Carlyle. "The bed seems to be about eight feet wide. Of +my paces the room measures fifteen from end to end, forty-five feet long, +height and width proportionate, with ancient, dead-looking portraits of +queens, kings, Straffords and principalities, etc., really the +uncomfortablest acme of luxurious comfort that any Diogenes was set into +in these late years." Thoreau's furniture at Walden consisted of a bed, +a table, a desk, three chairs, a looking-glass three inches in diameter, +a pair of tongs, a kettle, a frying-pan, a wash-bowl, two knives and +forks, three plates, one cup, one spoon, a jug for oil, a jug for +molasses, and a japanned lamp. There were no ornaments. He writes, "I +had three pieces of limestone on my desk, but I was terrified to find +that they required to be dusted daily, and I threw them out of the window +in disgust." + +"Our cottage is quite large enough for us, though very small," wrote Miss +Wordsworth, "and we have made it neat and comfortable within doors; and +it looks very nice on the outside, for though the roses and honeysuckle +which we have planted against it are only of this year's growth, yet it +is covered all over with green leaves and scarlet flowers, for we have +trained scarlet beans upon threads, which are not only exceedingly +beautiful, but very useful, as their produce is immense. We have made a +lodging room of the parlour below stairs, which has a stone floor, +therefore we have covered it all over with matting. We sit in a room +above stairs, and we have one lodging room with two single beds, a sort +of lumber room, and a small, low, unceiled room, which I have papered +with newspapers, and in which we have put a small bed. Our servant is an +old woman of 60 years of age, whom we took partly out of charity." Here +Miss Wordsworth and her brother, the great poet, lived on the simplest +fare and drank cold water, and hence issued those noble poems which more +than any others teach us the higher life. + + "Blush, grandeur, blush; proud courts, withdraw your blaze; + Ye little stars, hide your diminished rays." + +"I turned schoolmaster," says Sydney Smith, "to educate my son, as I +could not afford to send him to school. Mrs. Sydney turned +schoolmistress to educate my girls as I could not afford a governess. I +turned farmer as I could not let my land. A man servant was too +expensive, so I caught up a little garden girl, made like a milestone, +christened her Bunch, put a napkin in her hand, and made her my butler. +The girls taught her to read, Mrs. Sydney to wait, and I undertook her +morals. Bunch became the best butler in the country. I had little +furniture, so I bought a cartload of deals; took a carpenter (who came to +me for parish relief) called Jack Robinson, with a face like a full moon, +into my service, established him in a barn, and said, 'Jack, furnish my +house.' You see the result." + +Then what shall I say of the luxury of endless daily papers, leading +articles, short paragraphs, reviews, illustrated papers,--are not these +luxuries? Are they not inventions for making thought easy, or rather for +the purpose of relieving us from the trouble of thinking for ourselves. +May I also, without raising a religious controversy, observe that in +religious worship we are prone to relieve ourselves from the trouble of +deep and consecutive thought by surrounding our minds with a sort of mist +of feeling and sentiment; by providing beautiful music, pictures, and +ornaments, and so resting satisfied in a somewhat indolent feeling of +goodness, and not troubling ourselves with too much effort of reason. A +love of the beautiful undoubtedly tends to elevate and refine the mind, +but the follies of the false love and the dangers of an inordinate love +are numerous and deadly. It is absurd that a man should either be or +pretend to be absolutely absorbed in the worship of a dado or a China tea +cup so as to care for nothing else, and to be unable to do anything else +but stare at it with his head on one side. With most people the whole +thing is the mere affectation of affected people, who, if they were not +affected in one way, would be so in another. Boswell was a very affected +man. He says, "I remember it distressed me to think of going into +another world where Shakespeare's poetry did not exist; but a lady +relieved me by saying, 'The first thing you will meet in the other world +will be an elegant copy of Shakespeare's works presented to you.'" +Boswell says he felt much comforted, but I suspect the lady was laughing +at him. I like the "elegant copy" very much. It is certain that in this +world there is a deal of rough work to be done, and I feel that, +attractive and beautiful as so many things are, too much absorption of +them has a weakening and enervating effect. + +I have spoken of the luxuries of the table, of the house, of travel, and +of a love of ease and beautiful surroundings. There are, however, some +people who are very luxurious without caring much for any of these +things. Their main desire appears to be to live a long time, and to +preserve their youth and beauty to the last. For this purpose they +surround themselves with comfort, they decline to see or hear of anything +which they don't like for fear it should make their hair grey and their +faces wrinkled, and their whole talk is of ailments and German waters. +Swift somewhere or other expresses his contempt for this sort of person. +"A well preserved man is," he says, "a man with no heart and who has done +nothing all his life." Old ruins look beautiful by reason of the rain +and the wind, the heat of August and the frost of January, and I am sure +I have often seen in men--aye, and in women too--far more beauty where +the tempests have passed over the face and brow, than where the life has +been more sheltered and less interesting. + +But I must notice before I conclude this part of my subject one of the +principal causes of a fatal indulgence in luxury, and that is a +despairing sense of the futility of attempting to do anything worth +doing, and of inability to strive against what is going on wrong. This +is the meaning of that rather vulgar phrase, "Anything for a quiet life"; +and this is the reason why with many people everything and everybody is +always a "bore." Here, too, is the secret of that suave, polished, soft- +voiced manner so much affected nowadays by highly-educated young men, and +that somewhat chilly reserve in which they wrap themselves up. "Pray +don't ask us to give an opinion, or show an interest, or discuss any +serious view of things." + + "For not to desire or admire, if a man could learn it, were more + Than to walk all day, like the Sultan of old, in a garden of spice." + +"Let us surround ourselves with every luxury; let us cease to strive or +fret; let us be elegant, refined, gentle, harmless, and, above all, +undisturbed in mind and body." "We have had enough of motion and of +action we." "Surely, surely, slumber is more sweet than toil." "Let us +get through life the best way we can, and though there is not much that +can delight us, let us achieve as much amelioration of our lot as is +possible for us." + +These, then, are some of the forms which luxury takes in the present +century, and these are some of the outcomes of an advanced, and still +rapidly advancing, civilization. These, too, seem to be the invariable +accompaniments of such an advance. A very similar picture of Rome in the +days of Cicero and Caesar is drawn by Mr. Froude in his _Caesar_. He +says: "With such vividness, with such transparent clearness, the age +stands before us of Cato and Pompey, of Cicero and Julius Caesar; the +more distinctly because it was an age in so many ways the counterpart of +our own, the blossoming period of the old civilization. It was an age of +material progress and material civilization; an age of civil liberty and +intellectual culture; an age of pamphlets and epigrams, of salons and of +dinner parties, of sensational majorities and electoral corruption. The +rich were extravagant, for life had ceased to have practical interest, +except for its material pleasures; the occupation of the higher classes +was to obtain money without labour, and to spend it in idle enjoyment. +Patriotism survived on the lips, but patriotism meant the ascendancy of +the party which would maintain the existing order of things, or would +overthrow it for a more equal distribution of the good things, which +alone were valued. Religion, once the foundation of the laws and rule of +personal conduct, had subsided into opinion. The educated, in their +hearts, disbelieved it. Temples were still built with increasing +splendour; the established forms were scrupulously observed. Public men +spoke conventionally of Providence, that they might throw on their +opponents the odium of impiety; but of genuine belief that life had any +serious meaning, there was none remaining beyond the circle of the +silent, patient, ignorant multitude. The whole spiritual atmosphere was +saturated with cant--cant moral, cant political, cant religious; an +affectation of high principle which had ceased to touch the conduct and +flowed on in an increasing volume of insincere and unreal speech. The +truest thinkers were those who, like Lucretius, spoke frankly out their +real convictions, declared that Providence was a dream, and that man and +the world he lived in were material phenomena, generated by natural +forces out of cosmic atoms, and into atoms to be again resolved." + +Next I am going, as I promised, to consider those indulgences which +become luxuries by excessive use, and in this I shall be led also to +consider the effects of luxury. It has become a very trite saying that +riches do not bring happiness; and certainly luxury, which riches can +command, does not bring content, which is the greatest of all pleasures. +On the contrary, the moment the body or mind is over-indulged in any way, +it immediately demands more of the same indulgence, and even in stronger +doses. Who does not know that too much wine makes one desire more? Who, +after reading a novel, does not feel a longing for another? + +The rich and poor dog, as we all know, meet and discourse of these things +in Burns's poem-- + + "Frae morn to e'en it's naught but toiling + At baking, roasting, frying, boiling, + An', tho' the gentry first are stechin, + Yet e'en the hall folk fill their pechan + With sauce, ragouts, and sic like trashtrie, + That's little short of downright wastrie. + An' what poor cot-folk pit their painch in + I own it's past my comprehension." + +To which Luath replies-- + + "They're maistly wonderful contented." + +Caesar afterwards describes the weariness and ennui which pursue the +luxurious-- + + "But human bodies are sic fools, + For all their colleges and schools, + That, when nae real ills perplex 'em, + They make enow themselves to vex 'em. + They loiter, lounging lank and lazy, + Though nothing ails them, yet uneasy. + Their days insipid, dull, and tasteless; + Their nights unquiet, lang, and restless, + An' e'en their sports, their balls and races, + Their gallopin' through public places, + There's sic parade, sic pomp, an' art, + The joy can scarcely reach the heart." + +After this description the two friends + + "Rejoiced they were not men, but dogs." + +An Italian wit has defined man to be "an animal which troubles himself +with things which don't concern him"; and, when one thinks of the +indefatigable way in which people pursue pleasure, all the while deriving +no pleasure from it, one is filled with amazement. "Life would be very +tolerable if it were not for its pleasures," said Sir Cornewall Lewis, +and I am satisfied that half the weariness of life comes from the vain +attempts which are made to satisfy a jaded appetite. + +There are many things which are not luxuries _per se_, but become so if +indulged in to excess. Take, for instance, smoking and drinking. One +pipe a day and one glass of wine a day are not luxuries, but a great many +a day are luxuries. So lying in bed five minutes after you wake is not a +luxury, but so lying for an hour is. The man who is fond precociously of +stirring may be a spoon, but the man who lies in bed half the day is +something worse. Then it must be remembered that a single indulgence in +one luxury produces scarcely any effect on the mind or body, but a habit +of indulging in that luxury has a great effect. + + "The sins which practice burns into the blood, + And not the one dark hour which brings remorse + Will brand us after of whose fold we be." + +I am surely right in noticing that the rich man is said to have fared +sumptuously _every_ day, as though faring sumptuously might have no +significance, but the constantly faring sumptuously was what had degraded +and debased the man below the level of the beggar at his gate. I feel +that to be luxurious occasionally is no bad thing, if we can keep our +self-control, and return constantly to simple habits. There is something +very natural in the prayer which a little child was overheard to +make--"God, make me a good little girl, but"--after a pause--"naughty +sometimes." It is the habit of being naughty which is pernicious. Can +anyone doubt that the man who, on the whole, leads a hardy and not over- +indulgent life will be more capable of performing any duty which may +devolve upon him than a man who "had but fed on the roses and lain in the +lilies of life." + +Sydney Smith, in his sketches of Moral Philosophy, notices that habits of +indulgence grow on us so much that we go through the act of indulgence +without noticing it or feeling the pleasure of it; yet, if some accident +occurs to rob us of our accustomed pleasure, we feel the want of it most +keenly. Speaking of Hobbes, the philosopher, he says that he had twelve +pipes of tobacco laid by him every night before he began to write. +Without this luxury "he could have done nothing; all his speculations +would have been at an end, and without his twelve pipes he might have +been a friend to devotion or to freedom, which in the customary tenour of +his thoughts he certainly was not." + +In Fielding's _Life of Jonathan Wild_ Mr. Wild plays at cards with the +Count. "Such was the power of habit over the minds of these illustrious +persons that Mr. Wild could not keep his hands out of the Count's pockets +though he knew they were empty, nor could the Count abstain from palming +a card though he was well aware Mr. Wild had no money to pay him." + +If we are curious to know who is the most degraded and most wretched of +human beings, look for the man who has practised a vice so long that he +curses it and clings to it. Say everything for vice which you can say, +magnify any pleasure as much as you please; but don't believe you can +keep it, don't believe you have any secret for sending on quicker the +sluggish blood and for refreshing the faded nerve. + +There is no doubt that habits of luxury produce discontent, the more we +have the more we want. The sin of covetousness is not (curiously enough) +the sin of the poor, but of the rich. It is the rich man who covets +Naboth's vineyard. I knew an old lady who had a beautiful house facing +Hyde Park, and lived by herself with a companion, and certainly had room +enough and to spare. Her house was one of a row, and the next house +being an end house projected, so that all the front rooms were about a +foot longer than those of the old lady. "Ah," she used to sigh, "he's a +dear good man, the old colonel, but I should like to have his +house--please God to take him!" This showed a submission to the will of +Providence, and a desire for the everlasting welfare of her neighbour +which was truly edifying; but covetousness was at the root of it, and a +longing to indulge herself. + +The effect of habits of luxury upon the brute creation is easily seen. +How dreadfully the harmless necessary cat deteriorates when it is over- +fed and over-warmed. It may, for all I know, become more humane, but it +becomes absolutely unfit to get its own living. What is more despicable +than a lady's lap-dog, grown fat and good for nothing, and only able to +eat macaroons! Even worms, according to Darwin, when constantly fed on +delicacies, become indolent and lose all their cunning. + +I will note next that habits of self-indulgence render us careless of the +misfortunes of others. Nero was fiddling when Rome was burning. And +upon the other hand privations make us regardful of others. In Bulwer's +_Parisians_ two luxurious bachelors in the siege of Paris, one of whom +has just missed his favourite dog, sit down to a meagre repast, on what +might be fowl or rabbit; and the master of the lost dog, after finishing +his meal, says with a sigh, "Ah, poor Dido, how she would have enjoyed +those bones!" Probably she would have done so, in case they had not been +her own. Of course we all know Goldsmith's _Deserted Village_, and that +it is all about luxury. It is, however, very poetical poetry (if I may +say so), and I don't know that it gives much assistance to a sober, +prosaic view of the subject like the present. "O Luxury, thou curst by +heaven's decree," sounds very grand; but I have not the least idea what +it means. The pictures drawn in the poem of simple rural pleasures, and +of gaudy city delights, are very pleasing; and the moral drawn from it +all, viz., that nations sunk in luxury are hastening to decay, may be +true enough; but what strikes one most is that, if Goldsmith thought that +England was hastening to decay when he wrote, what would he think if he +were alive now. + +Well then, if the pleasures of luxury bring nothing but pain and trouble +in the pursuit of them, to what end do they lead? + + "Behold what blessings wealth to life can lend, + And see what comfort it affords our end. + In the worst inn's worst room, with mat half hung, + The floors of plaister, and the walls of dung; + On once a flock-bed, but repaired with straw, + With tape-ty'd curtains never meant to draw; + The George and Garter dangling from that bed, + Where tawdry yellow strove with dirty red;-- + Great Villers lies--alas, how changed from him, + That life of pleasure and that soul of whim. + Gallant and gay in Clieveden's proud alcove, + The bower of wanton Shrewsbury and love; + No wit to flatter, left of all his store; + No fool to laugh at, which he valued more; + There victor of his health, of fortune, friends, + And fame; this lord of useless thousands ends." + +If these be the effects of luxuries, why is it that we continue to strive +to increase them with all our might? I have already insisted that I am +not speaking of such things as are beneficial to body and soul, but such +as are detrimental. But it will be said, you are spending money, and to +gratify your longings labourers of different sorts have been employed, +and the wealth of the world is thereby increased. But we must consider +the loss to the man who is indulging himself, and therefore the loss to +the community; and further, that his money might have gone in producing +something necessary, and not noxious, something in its turn reproductive. +In Boswell's _Life of Johnson_ is this passage, "Johnson as usual +defended luxury. You cannot spend money in luxury without doing good to +the poor. Nay, you do more good to them by spending it in luxury; you +make them exert industry, whereas by giving it you keep them idle. I own +indeed there may be more virtue in giving it immediately in charity, than +in spending it in luxury." He was then asked if this was not +Mandeville's doctrine of "private vices are public benefits." Of course +this did not suit him, and he demolished it. He said, "Mandeville puts +the case of a man who gets drunk at an alehouse, and says it is a public +benefit, because so much money is got by it to the public. But it must +be considered that all the good gained by this through the gradation of +alehouse-keeper, brewer, maltster, and farmer, is overbalanced by the +evil caused to the man and his family by his getting drunk." + +Perhaps you will say, what is a man to do with his money, if he may not +spend it in luxury? If, as Dr. Johnson says, and as we all of us find +out occasionally, it is worse spent if given in charity, are we to hoard +it? No, surely this is more contemptible still. "What is the use of all +your money," said one distinguished barrister to another, "you can't live +many more years, and you can't take it with you when you go? Besides, if +you could, it would all melt where you're going." This hoarding of +wealth, this craving for it, is only another form of luxury, the luxury +of growing rich. Some like to be thought rich, and called rich, and +treated with a fawning respect on account of their riches; others love to +hide their riches, but to hug their money in secret, and seem to enjoy +the prospect of dying rich. I was engaged in a singular case some time +ago, in which an old lady who had starved herself to death, and lived in +the greatest squalor, had secreted 250 pounds in a stocking under the +mattress of her bed. It was stolen by one nephew, who was sued for it by +another, and all the money went in law expenses. If then we are not to +spend our money upon luxuries, and if we are not to hoard it, what are we +to do with it if we have more than we can lay out in what is useful. I +have not time (nor is the question a part of my subject) to discuss what +should be done with the money hitherto spent in idle luxury. We know, +however, that we have the poor always with us, and that we can always +learn the luxury of doing good. In one way or another we ought to see +that our superfluous wealth should drain from the high lands into the +valleys; not indeed to make the poor luxurious, but to provide them with +comfort, to give them health, strength, and enjoyment. I think then that +if we are wise men, seeing that we are placed in a world of care, +trouble, and hard work, from which no man can escape; and seeing that, +upon the other hand, we are living in a country and in an age when we are +surrounded with all that makes life pleasant and enjoyable, we shall +endeavour to find out some mode of harmonizing these different chords. It +need hardly be said how far removed luxury is from the spirit of +Christianity, and from the life of its Founder; yet it may reverently be +remembered that on more than one occasion He showed His tender regard for +the weakness of human nature by stamping with His approval the pleasures +of convivial festivity. + +What then is the remedy against luxury? I would say shortly,--in work. A +busy man has no time for luxury, and there is no reason why every man +should not have enough to do, if he will only do it. And I am sure the +same rule applies to the ladies, although a very busy man once wrote of +his wife-- + + "In work, work, work, in work alway + My every day is past; + I very slowly make the coin-- + She spends it very fast." + +But speaking seriously, I am sure that in some sort of work lies the +antidote to luxury. When Orpheus sailed past the beautiful islands +"lying in dark purple spheres of sea," and heard the songs of the idle +and luxurious syrens floating languidly over the waters, he drowned their +singing in a paean to the gods. Religion often affords a great incentive +to work for the good of others; and, in working for others, we have +neither the time, nor the inclination, to be over indulgent of ourselves. +So, the desire to obtain fame and renown has often produced men of the +austere and non-indulgent type, as the Duke of Wellington and many +others:-- + + "Fame is the spur which the clear spirit doth raise, + That last infirmity of noble mind, + To scorn delights and live laborious days." + +Nay, even the desire to obtain riches, and the strife after them, will +leave a man little room for luxury. To be honest, to be brave, to be +kind and generous, to seek to know what is right, and to do it; to be +loving and tender to others, and to care little for our comfort and ease, +and even for our very lives, is perhaps to be somewhat old-fashioned and +behind the age; but these are, after all, the things which distinguish us +from the brute beasts which perish, and which justify our aspirations +towards eternity. + + + + +A STORY. +THE READING PARTY. + + +CHAPTER I.--THE COACH. + + +Charles Porkington, M.A., sometime fellow of St. Swithin, was born of +humble parents. He was educated, with a due regard for economy, in the +mathematics by his father, and in the prevailing theology of the district +by his mother. The village schoolmaster had also assisted in the +completion of his education by teaching him a little bad Latin. He was +ultimately sent to college, his parents inferring that he would make a +success of the study of books, because he had always shown a singular +inaptitude for anything else. At college he had read hard. The common +sights and sounds of University life had been unheeded by him. They +passed before his eyes, and they entered into his ears, but his mind +refused to receive any impression from them. After taking a high degree, +and being elected a fellow, he had written a novel of a strongly +melodramatic cast, describing college life, and showing such an intimate +acquaintance with the obscurer parts of it, that a great many ladies +declared that "they always thought so;--it was just as they supposed." +The novel, however, did not meet with much success, and he then turned to +the more lucrative but far less noble occupation of "coaching." He could +not be said to be absolutely unintellectual. As he had not profited by +the experience of life, so he had not been contaminated by it. He was +moral, chiefly in a negative sense, and was not inclined to irreligion. +The faith of his parents sat, perhaps, uncomfortably upon him; and he had +not sufficient strength of mind to adopt a new pattern. He was in short +an amiable mathematician, and a feeble classic; and I think that is all +that could be said of him with any certainty. There seemed to be an +absence of character which might be called characteristic, and a +feebleness of will so absolute as to disarm contempt. + +A portion of Porkington's hard earned gains was transmitted regularly to +his two aged parents, while he himself, partly from habit and partly from +indifference, lived as frugally as possible. + +"Bless me!" cried Mrs. Porkington, within six months of her marriage, "To +think that you should have squandered such large sums of money upon +people who seem to have got on very well without them." + +"My dear," replied he, "they are very poor, and in want of many +comforts." + +"Of course I am sorry they cannot have them now," retorted she, "and it +is therefore a pity they ever should have had them." + +Porkington sighed slightly, but had already learned not to contend, if he +could remember not to do so. Mrs. Porkington was of large stature and +majestic carriage; and had moreover a voice sufficiently powerful to keep +order in an Irish brigade, or to command a vessel in a storm without the +assistance of a trumpet. Mr. Porkington, on the other hand, was a +little, dry, pale, plain man, with an abstracted and nervous manner, and +a voice that had never grown up so as to match even the little body from +which it came, but was a sort of cracked treble whisper. Moreover, when +Mrs. Porkington wished to speak her mind to her husband, she would +recline upon a sofa in an impressive manner, and fix her eyes upon the +ceiling. Mr. Porkington, on these occasions, would sit on the very edge +of the most uncomfortable chair, his toes turned out, his hands embracing +his knees, and his eyes tracing the patterns upon the carpet, as though +with a view of studying some abstruse theory of curves. On which side +the victory lay under these circumstances it is easy to guess. + +Mrs. Porkington felt the advantage of her position and followed it up. + +"I never, my dear, mention any subject to you, but you immediately fling +your parents at me." + +Mr. Porkington would as soon have thought of throwing St. Paul's +Cathedral. + +After a honeymoon spent in the Lake district the happy pair went to pay a +visit to the parents of the bridegroom, and Porkington had so brightened +and revived during his stay there, and had expressed himself so happy in +their society, that Mrs. Porkington could not forgive him. In the +company of his wife's father, on the contrary, he relapsed into a state +bordering upon coma; and no wonder, for that worthy retired tallow +merchant was a perfect specimen of ponderous pomposity, and had +absolutely nothing in common with the shy scholar who had become his son- +in-law. Mr. Candlish had lost the great part of the money he had made by +tallow, and by consequence had nothing to give his daughter; but she +behaved herself as a woman should whose father might at one time have +given her ten thousand pounds. "My papa, my dear, was worth at least +40,000 pounds when he retired," was the form in which Mrs. Porkington +flung her surviving parent at the head of her husband, and crushed him +flat with the missile. To the world at large she spoke of her father as +"being at present a gentleman of moderate means." Now, as a gentleman of +moderate means cannot be expected to provide for a sister of no means at +all; and as Mrs. Porkington, not having been blessed with children by her +marriage, required a companion, her aunt tacked herself on to Mr. +Porkington's establishment, and became a permanent and substantial +fixture. Fat, ugly, and spiteful when she dared, she became a thorn in +the side of the poor tutor, and supported on all occasions the whims and +squabbles of her niece. Whenever the "coach" evinced any tendency to +travel too fast, Mrs. Porkington put the "drag" on, and the vehicle +stopped. + +Mr. and Mrs. Porkington had now been married three years; and, as the +long vacation was at hand, it became necessary to arrange their plans for +a "Reading Party." + +"If I might be allowed to suggest," said Mrs. Porkington, reclining on +her sofa, with her eyes fixed upon the ceiling, "I think a continental +reading party would be the most beneficial to the young men. The air of +the continent, I have always found (Mrs. Porkington had crossed the +channel upon one occasion) is very invigorating; and, though I know you +don't speak French, my dear, yet you should avail yourself of every +opportunity of acquiring it." + +"But, my love," he replied, "we must consider. Many parents have an +objection to the expense, and--" + +"Oh, of course!" she interrupted, "if ever I venture, which I seldom do, +to propose anything, there are fifty objections raised at once. Pray, +may I ask to what uncomfortable quarter of the globe you propose to take +me? Perhaps to the Gold Coast--or some other deadly spot--quite likely!" + +"Well, my love," said the Coach, "I thought of the Lakes." + +"Thought of the Lakes!" slowly repeated his wife. "Since I have had the +honour of being allied with you in marriage, I believe you have never +thought of anything else!" + +There was some truth in this, and the tutor felt it. "Then, my dear," +said he mildly, "I really do not know where we should go." + +Thereupon his wife ran through the names of several likely places, to +each of which she stated some clear and decided objection. Ultimately +she mentioned Babbicombe as being a place she might be induced to regard +with favour; the truth being that she had made up her mind from the first +not to be taken anywhere else. "Babbicombe by all means let it be," said +he, "since you wish it." + +"I do not wish it at all," she cried, "as you know quite well, my dear; +and it is very hard that you should always try to make it appear that I +wish to do a thing, when I have no desire at all upon the subject. Have +you noticed, aunt, how invariably Charles endeavours to take an unfair +advantage of anything I say, and tries to make out I wish a thing which +he has himself proposed?" + +The Drag said she had noticed it very often, and wondered at it very +much. She thought it was very unfair indeed, and showed a domineering +spirit very far from Christian in her opinion, though, of course, +opinions might differ. + +Porkington took a turn in his little back garden, and smoked a pipe, +which seemed to console him somewhat; and, after a few more skirmishes, +the coach, harness, drag, team and all arrived at Babbicombe. + + + +CHAPTER II.--THE TEAM. + + +Let the man who disapproves of reading parties suggest something better. +"Let the lads stop at home," says one. Have you ever tried it? They +soon become a bore to themselves and all around them. "Let them go by +themselves, then, to some quiet seaside lodging or small farmhouse." +Suicide or the d---1. "Let them stop at the University for the Long." +The Dons won't let them stop up, unless they are likely to take high +degrees; and, even if the Dons would permit it, it would be too +oppressively dull for the young men. "At all events, let reading parties +be really _reading_ parties." Whoever said they should be anything else? +For my part I know nothing in this life equal to reading parties. Do +Jones and Brown, who are perched upon high stools in the city, ever dream +of starting for the Lakes with a ledger each, to enter their accounts and +add up the items by the margin of Derwentwater. Do Bagshaw and Tomkins, +emerging from their dismal chambers in Pump Court, take their Smith's +_Leading Cases_, or their _Archbold_, to Shanklyn or Cowes? Do Sawyer +and Allen study medicine in a villa on the Lake of Geneva? I take it, it +is an invincible sign of the universality of the classics and mathematics +that they will adapt themselves with equal ease to the dreariest of +college rooms or to the most romantic scenery. + +Harry Barton, Richard Glenville, Thomas Thornton, and I, made up +Porkington's Reading Party. + +Harry Barton's father was a Manchester cotton spinner of great wealth. +Himself a man of no education, beyond such knowledge as he had picked up +in the course of an arduous life, the cotton spinner was not oblivious to +those advantages which ought to accrue to a liberal education; and he +resolved that his son, a fine handsome lad, should not fail in life for +want of them. Young Barton had, therefore, in due course been sent to +Eton and Camford with a full purse, a vigorous constitution, a light +heart, and a fair amount of cramming. At Camford he found himself in the +midst of his old Eton chums, and plunged eagerly into all the animated +life and excitement of the University. Boating, cricket, rackets, +billiards, wine parties, betting--these formed the chief occupation of +the two years which he had already passed at college. Reading, upon some +days, formed an agreeable diversion from the monotony of the above-named +more interesting studies. Porkington, however, who seldom placed a man +wrong, still promised him a second class. Hearty, generous, a lover of +ease and pleasure, good-natured and easily led, he was a general +favourite; and in some respects deserved to be so. + +Richard Glenville was the son of an orthodox low church parson, a fat +vicar and canon, a man who, if he was not conformed to the world at +large, was a mere reflection of the little world to which he belonged. +His son Richard was a quick-sighted youth, clear and vigorous in +intellect, not deep but acute. He was high church, because he had lived +among the low church party. He was a Tory, because his surroundings were +mostly Liberal. He was inclined to be profane, because his father's +friends bored him by their solemnity. He was flippant, because they were +dull; careless, because they were cautious; and fast, because they were +slow. He had an eye for the weak points of things. He delighted in what +is called "chaff." He affected to regard all things with indifference, +and was tolerant of everything except what he was pleased to denounce as +shams. Upon this point he would occasionally become very warm. If his +sense of truth and honour were touched, he became goaded into passion; +but most things appealed to him from their humorous side. He was tall, +fair, and handsome, the features clean cut and the eyes grey. His +manners were polished, and he was always well dressed. He was full of +high spirits and good temper, and was a most agreeable companion to all +to whom his satire did not render him uncomfortable. Strange to say, he +stood very high in the favour of Mrs. Porkington, who, had she known what +fun he made of her behind her back, would, I think, have sometimes +forgotten that he was the nephew of a peer. He studied logic, classics, +mathematics, moral philosophy indifferently, because he found that a +certain amount of study conduced to a quiet life with the "governor." He +proposed ultimately, he said, to be called to the Bar, because that was +equivalent to leaving your future career still enveloped in mystery for +many years. + +I do not know that I have very much to say about Thornton. He was a very +estimable young man. I think he was the only one of the party who might +say with a clear conscience that he did some work for his "coach." He +was not short, nor tall, nor good-looking, nor very rich, nor very poor. +He was of plebeian origin. His father was a grocer. I am sure the young +man had been well brought up at home, and had been well taught at school; +and he was a brave, frank, honest fellow enough, but there was withal a +certain common or commonplace way with him. He acquitted himself well at +cricket and football; and I have no doubt he will succeed in life, and be +most respectable, but on the whole very uninteresting. + +The present writer is one of the most handsome, most amiable, and most +witty of men; but if there is one vice more than another at which his +soul revolts, it is the sin of egotism. Else the world would here have +become the possessor of one of the most eloquent pages in literature. It +is said that artists, who paint their own portraits, make a mere copy of +their image in the looking glass. For my part, if I had to draw my own +likeness, I would scorn such paltry devices. The true artist draws from +the imagination. Let any man think for a moment what manner of man he +is. Is he not at once struck with the fact that he is not as other men +are--that he is not extortionate, nor unjust, and so forth? But, in +truth, if I were to paint my own portrait, I know there are fifty fools +who would think I meant it for themselves; and as I cannot tolerate +vanity in other people, I will say no more about it. + +So at length here at Babbicombe were the coach, harness, drag, and team +duly arrived, and settled for six weeks or more, in a fine large house, +far above the deep blue ocean, and far removed from all the turmoil and +bustle of this busy world. Wonderful truly are the happiness and +privileges of young men, if they only knew how to enjoy them wisely. + +"I think it is somewhat unthoughtful, to say the least of it," said Mrs. +Porkington to Glenville, "that Mr. Porkington should have taken a house +so very far from the beach. He knows how I adore the sea." + +"Perhaps he is jealous of it on that account," said Glenville. + +The Drag said she believed he would be jealous of anything. For her part +if she were tied to such a man she would give him good cause to be +jealous. + +Glenville replied in his most polite manner that he was sure she could +never be so cruel. + +The Drag did not understand him. + +"Confound the old aunt," said he, as he sat down to the table in the +dining-room to his mathematical papers, "why did she not stick to the +tallow-chandling, instead of coming here? Don't you think, Barton, our +respected governors ought to pay less for our coaching on account of the +drag? Of course we really pay something extra on her account; but, +generally speaking, you know an irremovable nuisance would diminish the +value of an estate, and I think a coach with an irremovable drag ought to +fetch less than a coach without encumbrances." + +"I daresay you are right," said Barton. "The two women will ruin Porky +between them. The quantity of donkey chaises they require is something +awful. To be sure the hill is rather steep in hot weather." + +"Yes," said Glenville, "they began by trying one chaise between them, +ride and tie; but Mrs. Porkington always would ride the first half of the +way, and so Miss Candlish only rode the last quarter, until at last the +first half grew to such enormous proportions that it caused a difference +between the ladies, and Porkington had to allow two donkey chaises. How +they do squabble, to be sure, about which of the two it really is who +requires the chaise!" + +"I can't help thinking Socrates was a fool to want to be killed when he +had done nothing to deserve it," said Thornton, with a yawn, as he put +down his book. + +"Yes," said Glenville, "nowadays a man expects to take his whack first--I +mean to hit some man on the head, or stab some woman in the breast, +first. Then he professes himself quite ready for the consequences, and +poetic justice is satisfied." + +"How a man can put the square root of minus three eggs into a basket, and +then give five to one person, and half the remainder and the square of +the whole, divided by twelve, and so on, I never could understand; but +perhaps the answer is wrong, I mean the square root of minus three." + +"Oh, if that is your answer, Barton," said Glenville, "you are fairly +floored. Take care you don't get an answer of that sort--a facer, I +mean--from the 'pretty fisher maiden.'" + +"Don't chaff, Glenville," cried Barton; "you are always talking some +folly or other." + +"Well, well, let us have some beer and a pipe. + + 'He, who would shine and petrify his tutor, + Should drink draught Allsopp from its native pewter.' + +We shall all go to the dance to-night, I suppose--Thornton, of course, +lured by the two Will-o-the-wisps in Miss Delamere's black eyes." + +"Go, and order the beer, Dick," said Thornton, "and come back a wiser, if +not a sadder man." Dick procured the beer; and, it being now twelve +o'clock at noon, pipes were lit, and papers and books remained in +abeyance, though not absolutely forgotten. At half-past twelve Mr. +Porkington looked in timidly to see how work was progressing, to assist +in the classics, and to disentangle the mathematics; but the liberal +sciences were so besmothered with tobacco smoke and so bespattered with +beer, that the poor little man did not even dare to come to their +assistance; but coughed, and smiled, and said feebly that he would come +again when the air was a little clearer. + +"Upon my word, it is too bad," said Barton. "Many fellows would not +stand it. I declare I won't smoke any more this morning." + +The rest followed the good example. Pipes were extinguished, and +Glenville was deputed to go and tell the tutor that the room was clear of +smoke. They were not wicked young men, but I don't think their mothers +and sisters were at all aware of that state of life into which a love of +ease and very high spirits had called their sons and brothers. + + + +CHAPTER III.--THE VISITORS. + + +Babbicombe was full. The lodgings were all taken. There were still +bills in the windows of a few of the houses in the narrower streets of +the little town announcing that the apartments had a "good sea view." The +disappointed visitor, however, upon further investigation, would discover +that by standing on a chair in the attic it might be possible to obtain a +glimpse of the topmasts of the schooners in the harbour, or the furthest +circle of the distant ocean. Mr. and Mrs. Delamere, with their two +daughters, occupied lodgings facing the sea. Next door but one were our +friends, Colonel and Mrs. Bagshaw. Two Irish captains, O'Brien and +Kelly, were stopping at the Bull Hotel, in the High Street. On the side +of the hill in our row lived the two beautiful Misses Bankes with their +parents and the younger olive branches, much snubbed by those who had +"come out" into blossom. The visitors' doctor also lived in our row, and +a young landscape painter (charming, as they all are) had a room +somewhere, but I never could quite make out where it was or how he lived. + +"There are your friends the Delameres," cried Glenville to Thornton, as +we all lounged down one afternoon, not long after our arrival, to the +parade, where the little discordant German band was playing. "Looking +for you, too, I think," added he. + +"I am sure they are not looking at all," said Thornton. + +"Why, not now," said Glenville; "their books have suddenly become +interesting, but I vow I saw Mrs. Delamere's spyglass turned full upon us +a minute ago." We all four stepped from the parade upon the rocks, and +approached the Delameres' party, who were seated on rugs and shawls +spread upon the huge dry rocks overlooking the deep, clear water which +lapped underneath with a gentle and regular plash and sucking sound. It +was a brilliant day. Not a cloud was in the sky, and the blue-green seas +lay basking in the sunshine. A brisk but gentle air had begun to crisp +the top of the water, making it sparkle and bubble; and there was just +visible a small silver cord of foam on the coast line of dark crags. A +white sail or a brown, here and there, dotted about the space of ocean, +gleamed in the light of the noon-day sun. Porpoises rolled and gamboled +in the bay, and the round heads of two or three swimmers from the bathing +cove appeared like corks upon the surface of the water. Half lost in the +hazy horizon, a dim fairy island hung between sky and ocean; while +overhead flew the milk-white birds, whose presence inland is said to +presage stormy weather. + +"What was Miss Delamere reading?" + +"Oh, only Hallam's _Constitutional History_." + +"Great Heavens!" whispered Glenville to me, "think of that!" + +"Do you like it?" asked Thornton. + +"Well, I can't say I do, but I suppose I ought. My mother wanted me to +bring it." + +"I think it must be very dull," said Thornton, "though I have never tried +it. I have just finished Kingsley's _Two Years Ago_. It is awfully +good. May I lend it to you?" + +"Oh, I do so like a good novel when I can get it, but I am afraid I +mayn't." + +"What is that, Flo?" asked her mother. "You know I do not approve of +novels, except, of course, Sir Walter's. My daughters, Mr. Thornton, +have, I hope, been brought up very differently from most young ladies. I +always encourage them to read such works as are likely to tend to the +improvement of their understanding and the cultivation of their taste. I +always choose their books for them." + +"Nonsense, my dear," said Mr. Delamere, "if Mr. Thornton recommends the +book, Flo can have it. I know nothing of books, sir, and care less; but +if you say it is a good book, that is sufficient." + +"Oh, quite so indeed," exclaimed Mrs. Delamere, "if Mr. Thornton +recommends the book. My daughter Florence has too much imagination, dear +child, and we have to be very careful. May I inquire the name of the +work which you recommend?" + +She called everything a work. + +"Oh, only _Two Years Ago_, by Kingsley," said Thornton. + +"Ah!" said Mrs. Delamere, "a delightful writer. The Rev. Charles +Kingsley was a man whom I unfeignedly admire. Perhaps I might not +altogether approve of his writings for young persons, but for those whose +minds have been matured by a considerable acquaintance with our +literature it is, of course, different. He is a bold and fearless +thinker. He is not fettered and tied down by those barriers which impede +the speculations of other writers." + +"Off she goes!" whispered Glenville to me, "broken her knees over the +first metaphor. She will be plunging wildly in the ditch directly, and +never fairly get out of it for about an hour and a half. Let us escape +while we can." We rose and left Mrs. Delamere explaining to Thornton how +darling Florence and dearest Beatrix were all that a fond and +intellectual mother could desire. She was anxious to be thought to be +trembling on the verge of atheism, to which position her highly-gifted +intelligence quite entitled her; while, at the same time, her strong +judgment and moral virtues enabled her to assist in supporting the +orthodox faith. The younger Miss Delamere (Beatrix) was doing one of +those curious pieces of work in which ladies delight, which appear to be +designed for no particular purpose, and which, curiously enough, are +always either a little more or less than half finished. I think she very +seldom spoke. She was positively crushed by that most superior person, +her mother. Flo was gazing abstractedly into the sea, hearing her mother +but not listening, while Thornton was seated a foot or two below her, +gazing up into her deep-blue eyes, shaded by her large hat and dark hair, +as happy and deluded as a lunatic who thinks himself monarch of the +world. + +The Squire said he would join us. I expect his wife rather bored the old +gentleman. We all sauntered up to the little crush of people who were +listening (or not listening) to the discordant sounds of the German band. +Here we found the whole tribe of Bankes' and the two Irish captains, one +standing in front of each beautiful Miss Bankes; and a little further +removed from this party were Colonel and Mrs. and Miss Bagshaw, with the +doctor's son. Above the cliff, on a slope of grass, lay the young +artist, smoking his pipe and enjoying the scenery. + +"I hope you intend to honour the Assembly Wooms with your pwesence this +evening," drawled Captain Kelly to the elder Miss Bankes--the dark one +with the single curl hanging down her back. Her sister wore two light +ones, and it puzzled us very much to account for the difference in +number, and even in colour, for the complexions were the same. Was +Glenville justified in surmising that the art of the contrivance was to +prove that the curls were natural and indigenous, for if false, he said, +surely they would be expected to wear two or one each. + +"My sister and I certainly intend going this evening," replied the young +lady, "but really I hear they are very dull affairs." + +"They will be so no longer," said he. + +"Well, I suppose we must do something in this dreadful little place to +keep up our spirits." + +"Yes, I must own it is very dull here, and I certainly should not have +come had not a little bird told me at Mrs. Cameron's dance who was coming +here," said the Captain, with a languishing air. + +"I am sure I said nothing about it," said Miss Bankes, poutingly. + +"Beauty attracts like a magnet, Miss Bankes, and you must not be angry +with a poor fellow for what can't be helped." + +"Very well, now you are come, you must be very good, and keep us all +amused." + +"I will endeavour to do my best," said the gallant soldier. + +"Bagshaw, come here!" shouted Mrs. Bagshaw right athwart the parade, +startling several of the performers in the band, and drawing all eyes +towards her. "Bagshaw, behave yourself like a gentleman. Don't leave +me, sir; I should be ashamed to let the people see me following that +woman. It's disgraceful, mean, and disgusting." + +Bagshaw came back, looking ridiculous. He hated to look ridiculous, as +who does not? He approached his wife, and said in a low, but angry tone, +"You are making a fool of yourself; the people will think you are mad; +and they are not far wrong, as I have known to my cost this twenty +years." + +Porkington, wife, and drag had just passed up the parade. + +"I saw you, I tell you I saw you," she went on excitedly. "You were +sneaking away from my side--you know you were. Don't laugh at me, Mr. +Bagshaw, for I won't have it. I don't care who hears me," she cried in a +louder voice, "all the world shall hear how I am treated." + +"Look at Miss Bagshaw," said the artist to me. "What a good girl she is! +I am so sorry for her!" Pity is kin to love, thought I, as I watched the +beautiful girl move swiftly up to her father and mother, and in a moment +all three moved quietly away. + +"Who's the old girl?" asked Captain O'Brien of Captain Kelly. + +"The celebwated Mrs. Bagshaw, wife of Colonel Bagshaw. She was a gweat +singer or something not very long ago. Very wich, Tom; chance for you, +you know; only daughter, rather a pwetty girl, not much style, father-in- +law and mother-in-law not desiwable, devil of a wow, wampageous, both of +them!" + +"How much?" "Say twenty thou." "Can't be done at the pwice." "Don't +know that--lunatic asylums--go abroad--that sort of thing---young lady +chawming!" "Ah!" + +"What do you say to a row in the old four oar?" said Harry Barton. "With +all my heart," said I. "Let us make up a party. The Delameres will go, +the two young ladies and Thornton. Don't let's have the mother, she jaws +so confoundedly. Go and ask Mrs. Bagshaw and her daughter to make things +proper." + +"All right! Thornton shall steer; you three; I stroke; Glenville two; +Hawkstone bow, to look out ahead and see all safe." And off he went to +ask Mrs. Bagshaw, who was now all smiles and sunshine, and managed very +cleverly to secure the two Misses Delamere and Thornton without the +mamma. And so we all went down to the harbour, where we found Hawkstone +looking out for our party as usual. + + + +CHAPTER IV.--BOATING. + + +"Muscular Christianity is very great!" said the Archangel. "The devil it +is!" said Satan, "see how I will deal with it!" In the days of Job he +said, "Touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face"-- + + "But Satan now is wiser than of yore, + And tempts by making _strong_, not making poor." + +Muscular Christianity was at one time the cant phrase. Can we even now +talk of Christian muscularity? For my part I think an Eton lad or a +Camford man is a sight for gods and fishes. The glory of his neck-tie is +terrible. He saith among the cricket balls, Ha, ha, and he smelleth the +battle afar off, the thud of the oars and the shouting. I suppose the +voice of the people is the voice of God; but let a thing once become +fashionable and the devil steps in and leads the dance. When Lady +Somebody, or Sir John Nobody, gives away the prizes at the county +athletic sports, amid the ringing cheers of the surrounding ladies and +gentlemen, I suspect the recipient, in nine times out of ten, is little +better than an obtainer of goods by false pretences. When that ardent +youth, Tommy Leapwell, brings home a magnificent silver goblet for the +"high jump," what a fuss is made of it and of him both at home and in the +newspapers; whereas when that exemplary young student, Mugger, after a +term's hard labour, receives as a reward a volume of Macaulay's _Essays_, +in calf, price two and sixpence, very little is said about the matter; +and, at all events, the dismal circumstance is not mentioned outside the +family circle. + +Nelly Crayshaw was talking saucily with Hawkstone as we came down to the +quay. I noticed Barton shaking hands with her, and whispering a few +words as we got into the boat; and I noticed also a certain sheepish, and +rather sulky look upon Hawkstone's face, as he did so; and if I was not +mistaken, my learned friend Glenville let something very like an oath +escape him as he shouted: "Barton, Barton, come along; we are all waiting +for you!" + +I do not think Nelly could be called a beauty. The face was too flat, +the mouth was too large, and the colour of the cheeks was too brilliant. +Yet she was very charming. The blue of her eyes underneath dark +eyelashes and eyebrows was--well--heavenly. The whole face beamed and +glowed through masses of brown hair, which were arranged in a somewhat +disorderly manner, and yet with an evident eye to effect. The aspect was +frank and good-humoured, though somewhat soft and sensuous; and the form, +though full, was not without elegance, and showed both strength and +agility. No one could pass by her without being arrested by her +appearance, but we used to quarrel very much as to her claims to be +called a "clipper," or a "stunner," or whatever was the word in use among +us to express our ideal. + +Barton jumped into the boat and away we went, Thornton steering, Mrs. +Bagshaw, her daughter, and the Misses Delamere in the stern, Barton +stroke, myself three, Glenville two, and Hawkstone bow--a very fine crew, +let me tell you, for we all knew how to handle an oar,--especially in +smooth water. And so we passed in front of the parade, waving our pocket +handkerchiefs in answer to those which fluttered on the shore, and rowing +away into the wide sea. Mrs. Bagshaw, who was an excellent musician, and +her daughter, who had a lovely voice, sang duets and songs for our +amusement; and, with the aid of the two Misses Delamere, made up some +tolerable glees and choruses, in the latter of which we all joined at +intervals, to the confusion of the whole effect,--of the singing in point +of tune, and of the rowing in point of time. + +As we were rounding Horn Point, Thornton said to Mrs. Bagshaw, "Do you +know, there are some such splendid ferns grow in a little ravine you can +see there on the side of that hill. Do let us land and get some." + +"What do you want ferns for?" asked I, innocently. + +"Silence in the boat, three," cried Glenville. "What a hard-hearted +monster you must be!" he whispered in my ear. + +"Oh, do let us land," said Miss Delamere, "I do so want some common +bracken"--or whatever it was, for she cared no more than you or I about +the ferns--"I want some for my book, and mamma says we really must +collect some rare specimens before we go home." Mrs. Bagshaw guessed +what sort of flower they would be looking for--heartsease, I suppose, or +forget-me-not; but she very good-naturedly agreed to the proposal, and +Hawkstone undertook to show us where we could land. We were soon ashore, +and Hawkstone said, "You must not be long, gentlemen, if you please, for +the wind is rising, and it will come on squally before long; and we have +wind and tide against us going back, and a tough job it is often to round +the lighthouse hill." + +"All right," said Thornton, "how long can you give us?" + +"Twenty minutes at the most," said the boatman, "and you will only just +have time to mount the cliff and come back." + +I heard an indistinct, dull murmur, half of the sea and half of the wind, +and, looking far out to sea, could fancy I saw little white sheep on the +waves. We left Glenville with Hawkstone talking and smoking. They were +really great friends, although in such different ranks in life. Glenville +used to rave about him as a true specimen of the old Devon rover. He was +a tall, well-proportioned man, with a clear, open face, very ruddy with +sun and wind and rough exercise, a very pleasant smile, and grey eyes, +rather piercing and deep set. The brow was fine, and the features +regular, though massive. The hair and beard were brown and +rough-looking, but his manner was gentle, and had that peculiar courtesy +which makes many a Devon man a gentleman and many a Devon lass a lady, +let them be of ever so humble an origin. + +Barton paired off with the younger Miss Delamere, Thornton with the +elder. Mrs. Bagshaw and I followed, conversing cheerfully of many +things. I found her a very entertaining and agreeable lady, +accomplished, frank, and amiable. There was nothing at all peculiar +either in her appearance or conversation. While I was talking to her I +kept wondering whether her outbreaks of temper were the result of some +real or supposed cause of jealousy, or were to be attributed solely to a +chronic feeling of irritability against her husband. In the course of +our walk together Mrs. Bagshaw said to me-- + +"Your friend, Mr. Thornton, is evidently very much smitten with Florence +Delamere." + +"Yes, I think so," I replied, "but I daresay nothing will come of it. Her +family would not like it, I suppose; for, you know, they are of a good +family in Norfolk, and Thornton is only the son of a grocer." + +"I did not know that," she said, "but I have thought your friend had not +quite the manners of the class to which the Delameres clearly belong. +Mrs. Delamere is perhaps not anyone in particular, and she certainly +talks overmuch upon subjects which probably she does not understand. The +young ladies are most agreeable and lady-like, and I think Mr. Thornton +has found that out. It is easy to see that objections to any engagement +would be of the gravest sort--indeed, I imagine, insurmountable. It is +most unfortunate that this should happen when the young man is away from +his parents, who might guide him out of the difficulty. I think Mrs. +Delamere is aware of the attachment, and is not inclined to favour it. Do +you think you could influence your friend in any way? You will do him a +great service if you can warn him of his danger; if he does not attend to +you, you might tell Mr. Porkington, and consult with him." + +I promised to follow her advice as well as I could, for I felt that it +was both kindly meant and reasonable, although I felt myself rather too +young to be entangled in such matters. + +* * * * * + +"Oh what a lovely fern, such a nice little one too. Do try and dig it up +for me," said Florence. + +"I will try to do my best," said Thornton; "I have got a knife." And +down he went upon his knees, and soon extracted a little brittle bladder, +which he handed to the young lady, saying, "I hope it will live. Do you +think it will?" + +"Oh, yes," she said. "I can keep it here till we go home, and then plant +it in my rockery, where they flourish nicely, as it is beautifully +sheltered from the sun." + +"I wish it were rather a handsomer-looking thing," said the young man, +looking rather ruefully at the little specimen. + +"I shall prize it for the sake of the giver," she said, with a slight +blush. "But I am afraid you have spoilt your knife." + +"Oh, not at all. Do let me dig up some more." + +"No, thank you; do not trouble. See what a pretty bank of wild thyme." + +"Would you like to sit down upon it? You know it smells all the sweeter +for being crushed." + +"Well, it does really look most inviting." Florence sat down, saying as +she did so, "How lovely the wild flowers are--heather and harebells." + +"Let me gather some for you." He began plucking the flowers, which +flourished in such profusion and variety that a nosegay grew in every +foot of turf. "When do you think of leaving Babbicombe?" + +"In two or three days." + +"So soon!" + +"Yes; for papa has to go back to attend to his Quarter Sessions." + +"I am very, very sorry you are going. I had hoped you would stay much +longer. These three weeks have flown like three days." + +"Why, Mr. Thornton, I declare you are throwing my flowers away as fast as +you gather them." + +"So I am," he said. "The fact is I hardly know what I am doing." The +colour was blazing into his face, and his heart beating wildly. +"Florence," he cried, flinging himself upon his knees beside her, +"forgive me if I speak rashly or wildly--I don't know how to speak. I +don't know what to tell you--but I love you dearly, dearly, with my whole +heart. I cannot tell--I hope--I think you may like me. Do not say no, I +implore you. If you do not like me to speak so wildly, tell me so; but +don't say you will not love me. Tell me you will love me--if you can." + +Florence was young, and was taken by surprise, or perhaps she might have +stopped the young gentleman at once; but after all it is not unpleasant +to a pretty girl to see a good-looking young lad at her feet and to +listen to his passionate words of homage. At length, when he seemed to +come to a pause, she replied: "Oh, Mr. Thornton, please, please do not +talk so. This is so sudden. Our parents know nothing of this!" + +"Do you love me--tell me?" + +"We are too young. You really must not--" + +"It does not matter about being young." + +"Oh, do not speak any more." + +"Florence, do you love me? I shall go mad if you will not answer." He +seized her hand as he leant forward, and gazed eagerly into her face, +while he trembled violently with his own emotion. "Do you love me--say?" + +"I think, I think--I do," she said very softly, looking him full in the +face, while he seized her round the waist, and her head leant for one +moment on his shoulder, and he kissed her forehead. + +She started up, saying, "Oh, do let me go, please. I ought not to have +said so." + +He rose first, and lifted her up by the hand. + +* * * * * + +"I will tell you what it is, Hawkstone," said Glenville. "I think it is +a d---d shame, and I shall tell him so. He may be a bigger fellow than +I, but I could punch his head for him, if he were in the wrong and I in +the right." + +"I dare say you could, sir, and thank you, sir, for what you say. I +thought you were a brave, kind gentleman when I first saw you, though you +do like to have a bit of a joke at me at times." + +"Bit of a joke! That's another matter. But I will never joke again, if +this goes wrong. But are you quite sure that Nelly is in love with you +really, and you with her." + +"Why, sir, we have told each other so this hundred times; and I feel as +sure she spoke the truth as God knows I did; and sometimes I think I am a +fool to doubt her now. But you see, sir, she is flattered by the notice +of a grand gentleman. It may be nothing, but, when I talk to her now, +she seems weary like. It is not like what it was in the old days before +you came, sir. We were to be married, sir, so soon as the gentle folk +have left the town, that is about six weeks from to-day; but now I hardly +know what to think. I think one thing one day, and another the next. +Sometimes I think I am jealous about nothing. Sometimes I think he is a +gentleman, and will act as such; and sometimes I think, suppose he should +harm her; and then I feel that if he dared to do it I would throttle +him." Glenville could see the sailor's fists clenching as he spoke, and +he replied, "Hush, Hawkstone, hush! This will all come right. I feel +for you very much, but you must not be violent. I believe it is all +folly, and Barton will forget all about it in a day or two." + +"May be, may be, sir; but will she forget so soon? When a woman gets a +thing of this sort into her head it sticks there, sir. There is nothing +to drive it out. He will go off among his fine friends in London, or +wherever it is; but she will be alone here in the little dull town, and +it is mighty dull in the winter, sir." + +"You see, Hawkstone, Barton is a friend of mine; and, though I have only +known him a couple of years, I am sure he is a generous, good sort of +fellow, and honest and truthful, though a bit thoughtless and careless. I +am sure he will see his own folly and bad conduct when it is shown to +him. This is a sham love of his. She is a very pretty girl, it is true. +You won't mind my saying that?" + +"Say away, sir. I look more to what people mean than what they say." + +"Well, no doubt, he has been struck by her beauty; but their positions +are different, and he has only seen her for a week or two. Besides, he +knows that you and she are fond of one another. I believe he is only +idle and thoughtless. If I thought for a moment that he was +contemplating a blackguardly act, he should be no friend of mine, and I +would not only tell him so, but I would give him a good kicking, or look +on with pleasure while you did it. But you must be quiet, Hawkstone, at +present, for you know nothing, and a quarrel would only do you harm all +round." + +"It's not so easy to be quiet. The neighbours are beginning to talk, +sir, though they don't let me hear what they say. I can see by their +looks. What business has he to sit beside her on the quay? He is making +a fool of her and of me. I cannot bear it. Sometimes I feel as if I +should go mad. I don't know what those poor creatures in the Bible felt +when they were possessed by the devil, but I believe he comes right into +me when I think of this business." Then he bent over the boat and +covered his face with his arms, and his great broad back heaved up and +down, like a boat on the sea. Glenville left him alone, and puffed away +vigorously at a cigar he was smoking in order to quiet his own feelings, +which had been more excited than he liked. + +After a few minutes, Hawkstone raised his head as if from a sleep, and +suddenly exclaimed, "Hey, sir! The wind and the sea have not been idle +while we have been talking. We must be sharp now. Shout to your +friends, sir. I cannot shout just yet, I think." + +Glenville shouted as loud as he was able. + +"That won't do, I'm afeard," said Hawkstone, and he gave a loud halloo, +which rang from cliff to cliff, and brought out a cloud of gulls, sailing +round and round for a while in great commotion, but soon disappearing +into the cliffs again. + +We were most of us already descending when we heard Hawkstone's voice; +the boat was soon ready; but where were Thornton and his lady love? After +waiting a while, Hawkstone shouting more than once, it was proposed that +someone should go in search for them. Hawkstone was getting very +impatient, and warned us we should have a hard struggle to get home +again. + +"It will be a bad job if we cannot get round the point," cried he, "for +then we shall have to land in the bay, and although there will be no +danger if we get off soon, yet the ladies will get a wetting, and maybe +the boat will be damaged. We shall just get a little water going out, +for the surf is running in strong." + +"It is very wonderful," said Mrs. Bagshaw, "how suddenly the wind rises +on this coast, and the waves answer to the lash like wild colts. The +change from calm to storm is most remarkable." + +"Very," thought I to myself, when I called to mind the sudden changes of +temper which I had noticed in her. + +"What can that duffer Thornton be about all this long time?" asked +Barton. + +Mrs. Bagshaw and I exchanged glances. "I am not sure," said she to me, +"that I have not been doing a very imprudent thing in letting them land." + +It was full ten minutes after the arrival of the rest of the party before +Thornton and Florence made their appearance, looking very confused and +awkward. Glenville preceded them, shouting and laughing. "Here they +are, caught at last, and apparently quite pleased at keeping us all +waiting, and quite unable to give any account of what they have been +doing. One little fern has fallen before their united efforts in the +space of half an hour or more. Hawkstone says he'll be shot if he lends +you his boat to go a row in another time. Don't you, Hawkstone?" + +"No, sir, I didn't say that. If a gentleman and a lady like to loiter on +the hill it's nothing to a poor boatman how long they stay, leastways +wind and weather permitting, as the packet says." + +Hawkstone pushed us off through the surf, and it was no easy matter, and, +I daresay, required some judgment and presence of mind to seize the right +moment between the breaking of the great waves. With all his skill we +managed to ship a little water, amid the laughing shrieks of the ladies +and the boisterous shouts of "two" and "three," who got some of the water +down their backs. We were soon under weigh, however, and tugging +manfully on, occasionally missing a stroke when the boat lurched on a +great wave, and making but slow progress. Fortunately we had not far to +go before we arrived opposite to the parade, where a small crowd of +people was watching our movements with great interest, and the pocket +handkerchiefs again fluttered from the land. The signals, however, met +with no response from us. Tug as we would, we seemed to make very little +way, notwithstanding Hawkstone's "Well rowed, gentlemen, she's moving +fast. We shall do it yet." + +The waves were now running high, white crested, and with a long, wide +sweep in them. We were forced to steer close to the rocks at the point +in order to keep as much as possible out of the tide, which was running +so strongly a few yards from the land that we never could have made any +way against it there. As it was I could see that for many seconds we did +not open a single point of rock, and it was all we could do to keep the +boat from dropping astern. Just as I was beginning to despair of ever +getting back in safety, and was aware that my wind was going, and that +both arms and legs were on the point of giving way, a loud shout from +Hawkstone alarmed us all. He jumped up, shouting, "Row hard on the bow +side, ease off on the stroke," and in a moment (how he got from the bows +I shall never know!) we saw him seated behind the stern-board with the +tiller in his hand. The boat shot round, shipping a heavy sea, and we +were at one moment within a yard of the rock underneath the parade. "Row +hard, all!" was soon the cry, and away we shot before wind and tide in +the opposite direction to that in which we had been going. Again we +heard Hawkstone's voice, "Steady, keep steady. There's nothing to fear. +We can run her into the bay!" Nothing to fear! But there had been. One +moment of delay, and we should have been dashed on the rocks. I do not +know why it was, but the waves now seemed gigantic. Perhaps excitement +or fear made them seem larger, or perhaps the change in the direction of +the course of the boat had that effect. Certainly they now seemed to +rear their white crests high above us, and to menace us with their huge +forms. The roar of the breakers upon the beach added to the excitement +of the scene. The ladies sat pale and silent. I believe all would have +gone well, but at the most exigent moment, when we were riding on the +surf which was to land us, "bow" and "three" missed their strokes and +fell into the bottom of the boat; and, amid great confusion, the boat +swerved round; and, a great wave striking her upon her broadside, she +upset, and rolled the whole party over and over into about three feet of +water. All scrambled as well as they could to the shore; but in a moment +we saw with dismay that one of the ladies was floating away on the +retreating wave, and Thornton was plunging after the helpless form. +Meanwhile the party on the parade had rushed frantically round to the +bay, shouting and screaming as they came. + +"Where's the life-buoy?" shouted Captain O'Brien vaguely. + +"Fetch the life-boat!" cried Captain Kelly, in a voice of command, +although there was no one to fetch it, and, for aught he knew, the +nearest was in London. The two Misses Bankes screamed at intervals like +minute guns. Mr. and Mrs. Delamere and their younger daughter looked on +in speechless agony. The young artist, like a sensible fellow, seized up +a coil of rope and dragged it towards the sea. The colonel embraced Mrs. +Bagshaw before the multitude. + +"She will be drowned!" cried one. + +"She is saved!" cried another. + +"He has caught her, thank God! Well done!" shrieked a third. + +Thornton had reached Florence, and was endeavouring to stagger back with +her in his arms; but the waves were too strong for him, and they both +fell, and were lost to sight in an enormous breaker, while everyone held +their breath. As the wave dispersed three forms could be seen struggling +forwards; and, amid the wildest cheers and excitement Hawkstone rolled +Thornton and his lady love upon the sand, and then threw himself on his +back quite out of breath. + +Florence neither heard nor saw anything for some time. Captain Kelly +suggested water as being the best restorative under the circumstances. +Porkington wished he had not forgotten his brandy flask. The doctor's +son thought of bleeding, and played with a little pocket-knife in a +suggestive fashion. On a sudden Glenville, who always had his wits about +him, discovered the Drag seated on a rock in a state of helpless terror, +and smelling at a bottle of aromatic vinegar as though her life was in +danger. "Lend that to me--quick, Miss Candlish!" he cried, and seized +the bottle. The Drag struggled to keep possession of it, but in vain, +and then fainted away. The young lady soon recovered sufficiently under +the influence of the smelling bottle to walk home with the assistance of +Thornton and Mrs. Delamere. The rest of the party began to separate amid +much talking and laughter; for as soon as the danger was passed the whole +thing seemed to be a joke; and we had so much to talk of, that we hardly +noticed how we got away. But on looking back I observed that the young +artist brought up the rear with Miss Bagshaw, and was evidently being +most attentive. Hawkstone received everybody's thanks and praise in a +simple, good-humoured way, and proceeded to fasten up the boat out of +reach of the tide. + + + +CHAPTER V.--THE BALL. + + +Mrs. Porkington, attired in the white silk which we all knew so well, +reclined upon the sofa. Porkington, who was, or should be, her lord and +master, was perched upon the music stool. The Drag, in a pink muslin of +a draggled description, sat in a deep easy chair, displaying a great deal +of skinny ancle and large feet. + +"It has always surprised me, my dear," said Mrs. Porkington, "how fond +you are of dancing." + +"Why, what can you mean?" said he. "Why, I never danced in my life." + +"Oh, of course not," replied she. "I am aware you cannot dance, nor did +I insinuate that you could, my dear, nor did I say so that I am aware. +But you enjoy these balls so much, you know you do." + +"Well, yes," he said, languidly, "I like to see the young folks enjoy +themselves." + +"Now, for my part," said his wife, "I am sure I am getting quite tired, +and wish the balls were at an end." + +"My dear, I am sure I thought you liked them, or I would never have taken +the tickets." + +"Now, my dear, my dear, I must beg, I must entreat, that you will not +endeavour to lay the expense of those tickets upon my shoulders. I am +sure I have never been asked to be taken to one of the balls this +season." + +When a man tells a lie, it is with some hope, however slight, that he may +not be found out; but a woman will lie to the very person whom she knows +to be as fully acquainted with the facts as she is herself. Which is the +more deadly sin I leave to the Jesuits. + +"I am sure," said the Coach, making a desperate effort, "you appeared to +enjoy them, for you danced a great many dances." + +"Aunt!" exclaimed the lady, "is it true that I always dance every dance?" + +"No indeed!" chimed in Miss Candlish, "far from it. No doubt you would +get partners for all if you wished." + +"And is it true," she continued, "that I wish to go to these ridiculous +soirees?" + +"Certainly not, indeed," said the Drag, "nor do I wish to go, I am sure!" + +"In that case I can dispose of your ticket," said he. Unlucky man! In +these cases there is no _via media_. A man should either resist to the +death or submit with as good a grace as he can. Half measures are fatal. + +"No, my dear, you cannot dispose of that ticket," said his wife, "and I +take it as very unkind in you to speak to Aunt in that manner. It is not +because she is poor, and dependent upon us, that she is to be sneered at +and ill-treated." At this speech the Drag burst into tears, and declared +that she always knew that Mr. Porkington hated her; that she might be +poor and old and ugly, etc., etc., but she little expected to be called +so by him; that she would not go to the ball now, if he implored her on +his knees, and so on, and so on. + +Now, who could have thought it? All this fuss was occasioned by Mr. P. +having meanly backed out of giving Mrs. P. a new dress in which to +electrify the fashionable world at Babbicombe. Ah me! Let us hope that +in some far distant planet there may be some better world where all +unfortunate creatures,--dogs which have had tin kettles tied to their +tails,--cockchafers which have been spun upon pins,--poor men who have +been over-crawed by wives, aunts, mothers-in-law, and other +terrors,--donkeys which have been undeservedly belaboured by +costermongers,--and authors who have been meritoriously abused by +critics,--rest together in peace in a sort of happy family. + +At this point Barton, Glenville, Thornton, and I all entered the room. + +"Oh, I am so glad to see the ladies are ready," said Thornton. "This +will be our last ball, and we ought to make a happy evening of it. Are +you not sorry we are coming to the end of our gaieties, Miss Candlish?" + +"Sorry!" exclaimed the Drag, ferociously. "Sorry! I never was more +pleased--pleased--pleased!" Every time she repeated the word "pleased" +she launched it at the head of the unfortunate tutor, as if she hoped her +words would turn into brickbats ere they reached him. + +"I am glad to see you are going, however," said Glenville. + +"There you are mistaken," said the Aunt, "for Mr. Porkington has been so +very kind as to say he had rather I did not go." + +"Really, really," cried Porkington, "I can assure you it is quite the +reverse. I am so misunderstood that really I am sure I can't tell--" + +"Oh, pray do not disappoint us in our last evening together, Miss +Candlish," said Glenville, coming to the rescue of the unfortunate tutor, +and speaking in his most fascinating manner, "I have hoped for the +pleasure of a quadrille and lancers and" (with an effort) "a waltz with +you this evening if you will allow me." + +The Drag became calm, and after a little while diplomatic relations were +fairly established, and away we all went to the Assembly Rooms, Glenville +whispering to me and Barton, "I have made up my mind to get rid of that +pink muslin to-night or perish in the attempt." I had no opportunity at +the moment of asking him what he meant, but I was sure he meant mischief. +However, I never gave the matter a second thought, as the business of +dancing soon commenced. Captains O'Brien and Kelly were already waltzing +with the two Misses Bankes, and whispering delightful nothings into their +curls as we entered. The artist was floundering in a persevering manner +with pretty Miss Bagshaw, and the doctor was standing in the doorway +ruminating hopefully on the probable effects of low dresses and cold +draughts. Thornton was soon engrossed in the charms of his lady love, +and Barton, Glenville, and I were doing our duty by all the young ladies. +The room was well filled, and, though not well lighted nor well +appointed, was large and cheerful enough. The German Band performed +prodigies; the row was simply deafening. There were a few seats by the +walls for those who did not dance, and there was a room for lemonade, +cakes, and bad ices for those who liked them, as well as a small room in +which the old fogies could play a rubber of whist. + +Mrs. Delamere had pinned Mr. Bankes in a corner, and was enlarging to him +upon one of her favourite topics. + +"The Church of England," said she, "is undoubtedly in great danger, but +why should we regret it? It has become a thing of the past, and so have +chivalry and monasteries. The mind of the nineteenth century is marching +on to its goal. The intellect of England is asserting itself. I have +ever loved the intellect of England, haven't you?" + +"Oh, quite so--ah, yes, certainly, of course!" said Mr. Bankes. + +"You agree with me," said Mrs. Delamere; "I was sure you would. This is +most delightful. I have seldom talked with any true thinker who does not +agree with me." + +"I am sure," said Mr. Bankes gallantly, "no one would venture to cope +with such an accomplished disputant." + +"Perhaps not," she said complacently, "but I should not desire to +disagree with anyone upon religious subjects. The great desideratum--you +see I understand the Latin tongue, Mr. Bankes--the great desideratum is +harmony--the harmony of the soul! How are we to arrive at harmony? that +is the pressing question." + +* * * * * + +"Bagshaw, you are a low cheat, sir: you are nothing better than a common +swindler, sir. I will not play with you any more. Do you call yourself +a whist player and make signs to your partner. I should be ashamed to +stay in the same room with you." + +Several of the dancers hastened into the card-room. Mrs. Bagshaw was +standing up flushed and excited, and talking loudly and wildly. She had +overset her chair, and flung down her cards upon the table. Seeing +Porkington enter, she cried out, "Look to your wife, sir, look to your +wife. She received signals across the table. It has nothing to do with +the cards. Look at that man who is called my husband--that monster--that +bundle of lies and deceit, who has been the ruin of hundreds." + +"By heavens, this is too bad!" exclaimed Colonel Bagshaw. "I declare +nothing has happened that I know of, except that my wife has forgotten to +count honours." + +"It is a lie, sir, and you know it. You are trying to ruin a woman +before my very eyes. Oh, you man, you brute! Oh, help, help me, help!" +and in act to fall she steadied herself by clenching tightly the back of +her chair. Her daughter was luckily close to her, "Oh, mamma, mamma," +whispered she, "how can you say such things? Come away, come away; you +are ill. Do come." She led her out into the hall, and hurriedly +adjusting the shawls, went home with her mother. + +Porkington showed himself a man. He took Colonel Bagshaw by the hand. "I +am very sorry," said he, "that Mrs. Bagshaw should have made some +mistake. Some sudden vexation, and I am afraid some indisposition, must +be the cause of her excitement. Allow me to take her place and finish +the game. I am afraid you will find me a poor performer, Colonel." + +"Oh, not at all. Let us begin. I will deal again, and the scoring +stands as it did." + +Mrs. Porkington during this scene had turned pale and red alternately. +Her husband's dignity and presence of mind astonished her. She was so +excited as to be almost unable to play her cards, and her lips and eyes +betrayed very great emotion. The tutor's cheek showed some trace of +colour, and his manner was even graver than usual, but that was all; and +his wife felt the presence of a superior force to her own, and was +checked into silence. I had always felt sure that there was a reserve of +force in the timid nature of our Coach which seemed to peep forth at +times and then retire again. It was curious to mark on these rare +occasions how the more boisterous self-assertion of Mrs. Porkington +seemed for a time to cower before the gentler but finer will. Natures +are not changed in a day, but the effect of the singular scene which had +been enacted at that time was never effaced, and a gradual and mutual +approach was made between husband and wife towards a more cordial and +complete sympathy. + +The music had not ceased playing during the disturbance, and the dancers, +with great presence of mind, quickly returned to their places, and the +usual frivolities of the evening continued to the accustomed hour of +midnight, when the party began to break up. I could not find Glenville +or Barton. Where could they be? Once or twice in the pauses of the +dance I had noticed them talking earnestly together, and occasionally +with suppressed laughter. "Now, what joke are these fellows up to, I +wonder?" However, it was not my business to inquire, though I had a kind +of fear that the combination of gunpowder with lucifer matches in a high +temperature could hardly be more dangerous than the meeting of Glenville +and Barton in a mischievous mood. Before the last dance had commenced +they had left the hall, and, as soon as they got outside, they found Miss +Candlish's sedan chair in the custody of the two men who usually carried +her to and fro when she attended the balls. Two other sedan chairs, +several bath chairs and donkey chairs, and a couple of flys were in +attendance. Aided by the magical influence of a small "tip," Glenville +easily persuaded the men in charge that the dance would not be over for a +few minutes, and that they had time to go and get a glass of beer, which, +he said, Miss Candlish wished them to have in return for the care and +trouble they had several times taken in carrying her home. As soon as +they had gone, he and Barton came back into the ball-room; and, as the +last dance was coming to an end, and the band was beginning to scramble +through "God save the Queen," in a most disloyal manner, he came up to +Miss Candlish, and said, "May I have the pleasure of seeing you to your +chair, and thanking you for that very delightful dance?" + +"My dear Mr. Glenville," said the Drag, "your politeness is quite +overpowering. Ah, if all young men were like you, what a very different +world it would be." + +"You must not flatter me," said Glenville, "for I am very soft hearted, +especially where the fair sex is concerned." + +"Ah, how I wish I had a son like you!" sighed the Drag. + +"And how I wish you were my m--m--mother!" replied that villain +Glenville, as he adjusted her cloak, and led her out to her chair. It +was pitchy dark outside (only a couple of candle lanterns to see by), and +the usual confusion upon the breaking up of a large party was taking +place. Miss Candlish stepped into her chair, and the door was closed. +Glenville and Barton took up the chair, and, going as smoothly as they +could (which was not as smoothly as the usual carriers), they turned +aside from the main stream of the visitors, and made at once for the +harbour. Here they had intended to deposit the chair, and leave the rest +to fate; but, as luck would have it, in setting down the chair in the +darkness, one side of it projected over a sort of landing-place. It +toppled over and fell sideways with a splash into the muddy water. Scream +upon scream followed rapidly. "Murder! thieves! help!" Shriek after +shriek, and at last a female form, wildly flinging her arms into the air, +could be seen emerging from the half buried chair. Glenville and Barton +had run away before the chair fell, but, hearing the fall, looked back, +and were at first spellbound with terror at what had happened. When, +however, they saw the Drag emerge, they fairly fled for their lives by a +circuitous way little frequented by night, and reached home just before +the rest of us arrived. There was some alarm when Miss Candlish did not +arrive for about twenty minutes or half an hour. Glenville and Barton +told Thornton and myself what had happened, and wanted to know what they +should do. Of course, we advised that they should say and do nothing, +but wait upon the will of the Fates. They were in a great fright, and +when Miss Candlish arrived in charge of two policemen their terror became +wild. And yet they both said afterwards that they could hardly help +laughing out loud. The pink muslin was draggled and besmeared with +harbour mud, and torn half out of the gathers. Its owner was in a state +of rage, terror, and hysterics. The commotion was fearful. It was very +strange she did not seem to have the faintest suspicion of any of our +party. She was sure the men were drunk because they carried her so +unsteadily. She was positive they meant to rob her or something worse. +She saw them as they were running away. They were the very same men who +always carried her. She never could bear those men. They looked more +like demons than men. She would leave the place next day. She had been +disgraced. Everybody hated her, nobody had any pity. She would go to +bed. Don't speak to her--go away--go away, do! Brandy and water, +certainly not! and so on. Till at last Mrs. Porkington prevailed on her +to go to bed. We had all vanished as quickly as we could and smoked a +pipe, discussing in low tones the lowering appearance of the skies above +us, and the consequences which might ensue upon those inquiries which we +foresaw must inevitably take place. + +I never quite knew how it was managed, but two policemen came the next +morning and actually examined our boots and trousers, and then had a long +interview with Mr. Porkington; and finally we, who were waiting in terror +in the dining-room, saw the pair of them go out of the front door, +touching their hats to Porkington. I thought at the time that he must +have bribed them; but afterwards, on thinking it over, I came to the +conclusion that there was no evidence of the complicity of our party. Of +course, the sedan men did not know what had happened. Porkington stoutly +refused to let the policemen come into our study, and told them he should +regard them as trespassers if they ventured to go into any other room. +The Drag, although she declared she knew the two men, had no desire to +bring the matter before the public. Porkington never said a word to any +of us upon the subject, though he looked cross and nervous. As soon as +the aunt had taken her departure (which she did the next day) he quite +recovered his good humour, and, I believe, even chuckled inwardly at the +episode. The _Babbicombe Independent_ had an amusing paragraph upon the +incident, and opined that some drunken sailors from one of the +neighbouring ports were the perpetrators of the coarse practical joke; +but we found that the general opinion among the visitors was not so wide +of the truth. However, as no one cared for the lady it took less than +nine days to get rid of the wonder. + + + +CHAPTER VI.--THE SHORE. + + +"Barton," said Glenville, "I want to speak to you, old chap. You won't +mind me speaking to you, will you?" + +Barton's brow clouded at once. He knew what was coming. "I don't know +what you mean," said he. + +"Well, I want to talk to you about that girl." + +"What right have you to interfere? That's my business, not yours." + +"If you are going to be angry, I'll shut up. But I tell you plainly, +it's a beastly shame; and if you dare to do any harm to her I'll kick you +out of the place." + +"Out of what place?" + +"Why, out of this or any other place I find you in. You've no right to +go meeting her as you do." + +"And you've no right to speak of her like that. She is as pure as any +child in the world, and you ought to know I would do her no harm. You +are trying to insult both me and her." + +"Well, I'm very glad to hear you say so. But, see what folly it all is. +You know you don't intend to marry her. Do you?" + +"Why, as to that I don't know. I'm not obliged to tell you what I mean +to do." + +"No; but you ought to think about what you mean to do. You know she is +engaged to be married to Hawkstone." + +"Yes; but I don't think she cares for him a bit--only to tease him." + +"Do just think what you are doing as a man and a gentleman--I won't say +as a Christian, for you tell me you mean nothing bad. But is it manly, +is it fair to play these sort of tricks? I must tell you we must give up +being chums any longer if this goes on." + +"I tell you what, Glenville, I think you are giving yourself mighty fine +airs, and all about nothing; but just because you have an uncle who is a +lord you think you may preach as much as you like." + +"Oh, come now, that's all nonsense!" said Glenville. "If you are +determined to shut me up, I've done. _Liberavi animam meam_. I am sorry +if I have offended you. I say it's quite time we went to join the other +fellows. They want us to go with some of the ladies over the cliffs." + +"Thanks, I can't come. I've a lot more work to do, and--and I've hurt my +heel a bit and don't care to go a stiff climb to-day." + +Glenville looked at him, and saw a red glow rising in his neck as he +turned away his face and sat down to a book on the table, pretending to +read, as Glenville left the room. + +The sky was dark, and ominous of storm. It had a torn and ragged +appearance, as if it had already had a fight with worse weather and was +trying to escape. The sea-gulls showed like white breakers upon the dark +sky. The waves roared and grumbled, lashing themselves into a fury as +they burst in white, wrathful foam against the black rocks, and then drew +back, torn and mangled, to mingle with the crowd of waves rushing on to +their doom. The visitors, dressed for squally weather, in waterproofs or +rough suits, walked up and down the parade, enjoying the exhilarating +breeze, or stood watching with eager excitement the entry of a fishing +smack into the harbour. Far away out at sea in the mist of distant spray +and rain two or three brigantines or schooners could be dimly descried +labouring with the storm;--mysterious and awful sight as it always seems +to me. Will she get safe to port? What is her cargo? What her human +freight? What are they doing or thinking? What language do they speak? +Are there women or children aboard? Who knows? Ah, gentle reader, what +do you and I know of each other, and what do we know of even our nearest +friends; to what port are they struggling through the mists which envelop +them, and who will meet them on the shore? + +An hour had not elapsed since Glenville had left Barton before the latter +had reached the first promontory of rocks which shut in the little bay of +Babbicombe, and on turning the corner found, as he had expected and +appointed, the young woman who had been the subject of their angry +conversation. She rose from a rock on which she had been sitting, and +came to meet him with a frank smile, saying, "Good afternoon, Mr. Henry." +Somehow the slightly coarse intonation struck him as it had never done +before, and the freedom of manner which a few hours ago would have +delighted him now sent a chilling sensation to his heart. "Good +afternoon," he replied, and, drawing his arm round her waist, he kissed +her several times, and held her so firmly that at last she said, "Oh, +sir, you'll hurt me. Let me go!" Then holding him away from her, and +looking him full in the face, she said, "Oh, Mr. Henry, whatever can be +the matter!" "Come and sit down, darling," he said, "I want to say +something to you." He led her to a seat upon the rocks, and they both +sat down. "Darling," he said, "I am afraid I must go away at once and +leave you for ever." "Oh, no, no, no! not that!" she cried, starting up. +In a moment her manner changed from fear to anger. "I know what it is!" +she exclaimed, "Hawkstone has been rude to you. There now, I will never +forgive him. I will never be friends with him again--never!" + +"No, darling, it is nothing about Hawkstone at all. I haven't seen him. +But come here, you must be quiet and listen to what I have to say." + +She sat down again beside him. Her lips quivered. Her blue eyes were +staring into the cliff in front of her, but she saw nothing, felt +nothing, except that a dreadful moment had come which she had for some +time dimly expected, but never distinctly foreseen. + +"I hardly know how to tell you," he began. "You know I love you very +dearly, and if I could--if it was possible, I would ask you to marry me. +But I cannot. It is impossible. It would bring misery upon all, upon my +father and mother, and upon you. How can I make you understand? My +people are rich, all their friends are rich, and all very proud." + +The tears were streaming down her face, and she sat motionless. + +"But I don't want to know your friends," she said, in a choking voice. + +"I know, I know," he said, "and I could be quite happy with you if they +were all dead and out of the way, and if the world was different from +what it is. But I have thought it all out, and I am sure I ought to go +away at once, and never come back again." + +There was a long pause, but at last she rose and said, "Mr. Barton, I +have felt that something of this sort might happen, but I have never +thought it out, as you say you have. I am confused now it has come, just +as if I had never feared it beforehand. I was very, very happy, and I +would not think of what might come of it. I might have known that a +grand gentleman like you would never live with the like of me; but then I +thought I loved you very, very dearly; you seemed so bright, and grand, +and tender, that I loved you in spite of all I was afraid of, and I +thought if you loved me you might perhaps be--" Here she broke down +altogether, and burst into sobs, and seemed as though she would fall. He +rose and threw his arms round her, led her back to the rock, called her +all the sweet names he could think of, kissed her again and again, and +tried to soothe her; while she, poor thing, could do nothing but sob, +with her head upon his shoulder. + +A loud shout aroused them. They both rose suddenly, and turned their +faces towards the place whence the sound proceeded. Hawkstone was just +emerging from the surf, which was lashing furiously against the corner of +the cliff, round which they had come dry-shod a short time before, They +at once guessed their fate, and glanced in dismay at one another and then +at the sea, and again at Hawkstone, who rapidly approached them, drenched +through and through, and in a fierce state of wrath and terror, added to +the excitement of his struggle with the waves. + +"What are you doing here?" he cried, and in the same breath, "Don't +answer--don't dare to answer, but listen. You are caught by the tide. I +have sent a boy back to Babbicombe for help. No help can come by sea in +such a storm. They will bring a basket and ropes by the cliff. It will +be a race between them and the tide. If all goes well, they will be here +in time. If not, we shall all be drowned." + +"Is there no way up the cliff?" said Barton. + +"None. The cliff overhangs. There is a place where I have just come +through, but I doubt if I could reach it again; and I am sure neither of +you could stand the surf. You must wait." He then turned from them, and +sat himself down on a fallen piece of the cliff, and buried his face in +his hands. Nellie sank down on the rock where she and Barton had been +sitting, and he stood by her, helplessly gazing alternately with a pale +face and bewildered mind at his two companions. Two or three minutes +passed without any motion or sound from the living occupants of the bay; +but the roaring of the sea grew louder and louder, and the terror of it +sank into the hearts of all three. At last Hawkstone raised his head, +and immediately Barton approached him. + +"Forgive me, Hawkstone," he said, "I have done you a great wrong, and I +am sorry for it." + +"What's the good in saying that? You can't mend the wrong you have +done," and his head sank down again between his hands. + +There was a pause. Barton felt that what had been said was true and not +true. One of the most painful consequences of wrong-doing is that the +wrong has a sort of fungus growth about it, and insists upon appearing +more wrong than it ever was meant to be. + +"Hawkstone," he said at last, "I swear to you, on my honour as a +gentleman, I have never dreamed of doing her an injury. I have been +very, very foolish; I have come between you and her with my cursed folly. +I deserve anything you may say or do to me. I care nothing about the +waves; let them come. Take her with you up the cliff, and leave me to +drown. It's all I'm fit for. She will forget me soon enough, I feel +sure, for I am not worth remembering." + +Hawkstone still kept himself bent down, his hands covering his face, and +his body swaying to and fro with his strong emotions. + +"You talk, you talk," he muttered. "You seem to have ruined her, and me, +and yourself too." + +"Not ruined her!" cried Barton, "I have told you, I swear to you. I +swear--" + +"Yes!" cried Hawkstone, springing up in a passion and towering above +Barton, with his hands tightly clenched and his chest heaving, "Yes! you +are too great a coward for that. In one moment I could crush you as I +crush the mussels in the harbour with my heel." + +Nelly threw herself upon him, "Jack, spare him, spare him. He meant no +harm. Not now, not now! The sea, Jack, the sea! Save us, save us!" + +The man's strength seemed to leave him, and she seemed to overpower him, +as he sank back into his former position, muttering "O God, O God!" At +last he said, "Let be, let be--there, there, I've prayed I might not kill +you both, and the devil is gone, thank the Lord for it. There, lass, +don't fret; I can't abide crying. The sea! the sea! Yes, the sea. I +had almost forgotten it. Cheer up a bit--fearful--how it blows--but +there's time yet--a few minutes. Keep up, keep up. There's a God above +us anyway." + +At this moment a shout was heard above them. "There they are at last," +cried Hawkstone, and he sent a loud halloo up the cliff, which was +immediately responded to by those at the top, though the sound seemed +faint and far off. After the lapse of about five minutes, a basket +attached to two ropes descended slowly and bumped upon the rocks. + +"Now, lass, you get up first. Come, come, give over crying. It's no +time for crying now. Be a brave lass or you'll fall out. Sit down and +keep tight hold. Shut your eyes, never mind a bump or two, and keep +tight hold. Now then!" He lifted her into the basket. She tried to +take his hand, but he drew it sharply away. + +"Oh, forgive me, forgive me, Jack," she said, "I have been very wicked, +but I will try to be good." + +"That's right, lass, that's right. God keep you safe. Hold on," and he +gave a shout up the cliff, and the basket began slowly to ascend. The +two men gazed at it in silence till it reached the summit, when, with a +rapid swirl, it disappeared. + +"Thank God, she is safe," said Hawkstone. + +"Look, look!" cried Barton, catching hold of Hawkstone in alarm. "Look +how fast the waves are coming. They will be on us directly." + +"Yes," said Hawkstone, "there will be barely time to get the two of us up +unless they make great haste. I don't know why they don't lower at once. +Something must have gone wrong with the rope, but they will do their +best, that's certain." + +They waited in anxiety amounting to horror, as wave after wave, larger +and louder, roared at them, and rushed round the rocks on which they were +standing. Presently down came the basket, plunging into the retreating +wave. + +"Now, then, sir, in with you," said Hawkstone. + +"No, you go first. I will not go. It is my fault you are here." + +"Nonsense, sir, there's no time for talk." + +"I will not go without you. Let us both get in together." + +"The rope will hardly bear two. Besides, I doubt if there is strength +enough above to pull us up. Get in, get in." + +Barton still hesitated. "I am afraid to leave you alone. Promise me if +I go that you will not--. I can't say what I mean, but if anything +happened to you I should be the cause of it." + +"For shame, sir, shame. I guess what you mean, but I have not forgotten +who made me, though I have been sorely tried. In with you at once." He +suddenly lifted Barton up in his arms, and almost threw him into the +basket, raising a loud shout, upon which the basket again ascended the +cliff more rapidly than on the first occasion. Hawkstone fell upon his +knees at the base of the cliff, while the waves roared at him like wild +beasts held back from their victim. He was alone with them and with the +God in whom his simple faith taught him to trust as being mightier than +all the waves. Down came the basket with great rapidity, and Hawkstone +had a hard fight before he could drag it out from the waves and get into +it. Drenched from head to foot, and cold and trembling with excitement +and grief, he again shouted, and the basket once more ascended. He +remembered no more. A sudden faintness overcame him, and the first thing +he remembered was feeling himself borne along on a kind of extemporary +litter, and hearing kind voices saying that he was "coming to," and would +soon be all right again. + +Luckily there was no scandal. It was thought quite natural that +Hawkstone should be with Nelly, and Barton was supposed to have been +there by accident. Of course, we knew what the real state of the case +was, and were glad that Barton had got a good fright; but we kept our own +counsel. + + + +CHAPTER VII.--CONCLUSION. + + +Very soon after the events recorded in the last chapter, the Reading +Party broke up, and it only remains now for the writer of this veracious +narrative to disclose any information he may have subsequently obtained +as to the fate of his characters. Porkington still holds an honoured +position in the University, and still continues to take young men in the +summer vacation to such places as Mrs. Porkington considers sufficiently +invigorating to her constitution. They grow better friends every year, +but the grey mare will always be the better horse. One cause of +difference has disappeared. The Drag died very shortly after leaving +Babbicombe; not at all, I believe, in consequence of her ducking in the +harbour; but, being of a peevish and "worritting" disposition, she had +worn herself out in her attempts to make other people's lives a burden to +them. I do not know what has become of Harry Barton; but I know that he +has never revisited Babbicombe, nor even written to the fair Nelly. I +suppose he is helping to manage his father's cotton mill, and will in due +course marry the daughter of a wealthy manufacturer. Glenville has +become quite a rising barrister, popular in both branches of his +profession, and has announced his fixed intention to remain happy and +unmarried till his death. Looking into the future, however, with the eye +of a prophet, the present writer thinks he can see Glenville walking arm +in arm with a tall, graceful lady, attended by two little girls to whom +he is laughingly talking--but the dream fades from me, and I wonder will +it ever come true. Thornton, of course, married Miss Delamere (how could +it be otherwise), but, alas! there are no children, and this unhappy want +is hardly compensated by the indefatigable attentions of Mamma Delamere, +who is never weary of condoling with that poor, desolate couple, +imploring them to resign themselves to the fate which has been assigned +to them, and to strengthen their minds by the principles of true +philosophy and the writings of great thinkers; by which she hopes they +may acquire that harmony of the soul in private life which is so much to +be desiderated in both politics and religion. Nobody knows what she +means. + +Nelly was not forgiven for one whole year. When she and Hawkstone met, +they used only the customary expressions of mere acquaintances; but +lovers are known to make use of signals which are unperceived by the +outside world; and, after a year's skirmishing, a peace was finally +concluded, and a happier couple than John Hawkstone and Nelly cannot be +found in the whole country, and I am afraid to say how many of their +children are already tumbling about the boats in the harbour. + +The colonel died, and Mrs. Bagshaw lamented his death most truly, and has +nothing but gentleness left in her nature. Her daughter has married the +young artist, whose pictures of brown-sailed boats and fresh seas +breaking in white foam against the dark rocks have become quite the rage +at the Academy. The minor characters have disappeared beneath the waves, +and nothing remains to be said except the last word, "farewell." + + + + +A FARRAGO OF VERSES. + + +MY BOATING SONG. + + +I. + +Oh this earth is a mineful of treasure, + A goblet, that's full to the brim, +And each man may take for his pleasure + The thing that's most pleasant to him; +Then let all, who are birds of my feather, + Throw heart and soul into my song; +Mark the time, pick it up all together, + And merrily row it along. + + Hurrah, boys, or losing or winning, + Feel your stretchers and make the blades bend; + Hard on to it, catch the beginning, + And pull it clean through to the end. + +II. + +I'll admit 'tis delicious to plunge in + Clear pools, with their shadows at rest; +'Tis nimble to parry, or lunge in + Your foil at the enemy's chest; + 'Tis rapture to take a man's wicket, + Or lash round to leg for a four; +But somehow the glories of cricket + Depend on the state of the score. + + But in boating, or losing or winning, + Though victory may not attend; + Oh, 'tis jolly to catch the beginning, + And pull it clean through to the end. + +III. + +'Tis brave over hill and dale sweeping, + To be in at the death of the fox; +Or to whip, where the salmon are leaping, + The river that roars o'er the rocks; +'Tis prime to bring down the cock pheasant; + And yachting is certainly great; +But, beyond all expression, 'tis pleasant + To row in a rattling good eight. + + Then, hurrah, boys, or losing or winning, + What matter what labour we spend? + Hard on to it, catch the beginning, + And pull it clean through to the end. + +IV. + +Shove her off! Half a stroke! Now, get ready! + Five seconds! Four, three, two, one, gun! +Well started! Well rowed! Keep her steady! + You'll want all your wind e'er you've done. +Now you're straight! Let the pace become swifter! + Roll the wash to the left and the right! +Pick it up all together, and lift her, + As though she would bound out of sight! + + Hurrah, Hall! Hall, now you're winning, + Feel your stretchers and make the blades bend; + Hard on to it, catch the beginning, + And pull it clean through to the end. + +V. + +Bump! Bump! O ye gods, how I pity + The ears those sweet sounds never heard; +More tuneful than loveliest ditty + E'er poured from the throat of a bird. +There's a prize for each honest endeavour, + But none for the man who's a shirk; +And the pluck that we've showed on the river, + Shall tell in the rest of our work. + + At the last, whether losing or winning, + This thought with all memories blend,-- + We forgot not to catch the beginning, + And we pulled it clean through to the end. + + + +LETTER FROM THE TOWN MOUSE TO THE COUNTRY MOUSE. + + +I. + +Oh for a field, my friend; oh for a field! + I ask no more + Than one plain field, shut in by hedgerows four, +Contentment sweet to yield. +For I am not fastidious, + And, with a proud demeanour, I +Will not affect invidious + Distinctions about scenery. +I sigh not for the fir trees where they rise +Against Italian skies, + Swiss lakes, or Scottish heather, + Set off with glorious weather; + Such sights as these + The most exacting please; +But I, lone wanderer in London streets, +Where every face one meets + Is full of care, + And seems to wear + A troubled air, + Of being late for some affair + Of life or death:--thus I, ev'n I, +Long for a field of grass, flat, square, and green +Thick hedges set between, + Without or house or bield, + A sense of quietude to yield; + And heave my longing sigh, +Oh for a field, my friend; oh for a field! + +II. + +For here the loud streets roar themselves to rest + With hoarseness every night; + And greet returning light +With noise and roar, renewed with greater zest. + Where'er I go, + Full well I know +The eternal grinding wheels will never cease. +There is no place of peace! + Rumbling, roaring, and rushing, + Hurrying, crowding, and crushing, +Noise and confusion, and worry, and fret, +From early morning to late sunset-- +Ah me! but when shall I respite get-- +What cave can hide me, or what covert shield? + So still I sigh, + And raise my cry, +Oh for a field, my friend; oh for a field! + +III. + +Oh for a field, where all concealed, + From this life's fret and noise, +I sip delights from rural sights, + And simple rustic joys. +Where, stretching forth my limbs at rest, + I lie and think what likes me best; +Or stroll about where'er I list, + Nor fear to be run over +By sheep, contented to exist + Only on grass and clover. +In town, as through the throng I steer, + Confiding in the Muses, +My finest thoughts are drowned in fear + Of cabs and omnibuses. +I dream I'm on Parnassus hill, + With laurels whispering o'er me, +When suddenly I feel a chill-- + What was it passed before me? +A lady bowed her gracious head + From yonder natty brougham-- +The windows were as dull as lead, + I didn't know her through them. +She'll say I saw her, cut her dead,-- + I've lost my opportunity; +I take my hat off when she's fled, + And bow to the community! +Or sometimes comes a hansom cab, + Just as I near the crossing; +The "cabby" gives his reins a grab, + The steed is wildly tossing. +Me, haply fleeing from his horse, + He greets with language somewhat coarse, +To which there's no replying; + A brewer's dray comes down that way, +And simply sends me flying! +I try the quiet streets, but there +I find an all-pervading air +Of death in life, which my despair + In no degree diminishes. +Then homewards wend my weary way, +And read dry law books as I may, +No solace will they yield. +And so the sad day finishes +With one long sigh and yearning cry, +Oh for a field, my friend; oh for a field! + +IV. + + The fields are bright, and all bedight + With buttercups and daisies; + Oh, how I long to quit the throng + Of human forms and faces: + The vain delights, the empty shows, + The toil and care bewild'rin', + To feel once more the sweet repose + Calm Nature gives her children. + At times the thrush shall sing, and hush + The twitt'ring yellow-hammer; + The blackbird fluster from the bush + With panic-stricken clamour; + The finch in thistles hide from sight, + And snap the seeds and toss 'em; + The blue-tit hop, with pert delight, + About the crab-tree blossom; + The homely robin shall draw near, + And sing a song most tender; + The black-cap whistle soft and clear, + Swayed on a twig top slender; + The weasel from the hedge-row creep, + So crafty and so cruel, + The rabbit from the tussock leap, + And splash the frosty jewel. + I care not what the season be-- + Spring, summer, autumn, winter-- + In morning sweet, or noon-day heat, + Or when the moonbeams glint, or + When rosy beams and fiery gleams, + And floods of golden yellow, + Proclaim the sweetest hour of all-- + The evening mild and mellow. + There, though the spring shall backward keep, + And loud the March winds bluster, + The white anemone shall peep + Through loveliest leaves in cluster. + There primrose pale or violet blue + Shall gleam between the grasses; + And stitchwort white fling starry light, + And blue bells blaze in masses. + As summer grows and spring-time goes, + O'er all the hedge shall ramble + The woodbine and the wilding rose, + And blossoms of the bramble. + When autumn comes, the leafy ways + To red and yellow turning, + With hips and haws the hedge shall blaze, + And scarlet briony burning. + When winter reigns and sheets of snow, + The flowers and grass lie under; + The sparkling hoar frost yet shall show, + A world of fairy wonder. + To me more dear such scenes appear, + Than this eternal racket, + No longer will I fret and fag! + Hey! call a cab, bring down my bag, + And help me quick to pack it. +For here one must go where every one goes, +And meet shoals of people whom one never knows, + Till it makes a poor fellow dyspeptic; +And the world wags along with its sorrows and shows, +And will do just the same when I'm dead I suppose; + And I'm rapidly growing a sceptic. +For its oh, alas, well-a-day, and a-lack! +I've a pain in my head and an ache in my back; + A terrible cold that makes me shiver, + And a general sense of a dried-up liver; + And I feel I can hardly bear it. +And it's oh for a field with four hedgerows, +And the bliss which comes from an hour's repose, + And a true, true friend to share it. + + + +PROTHALAMION. + + +The following "Prothalamion" was recently discovered among some other +rubbish in Pope's Villa at Twickenham. It was written on the backs of +old envelopes, and has evidently not received the master's last touches. +Some of the lines afford an admirable instance of the way in which great +authors frequently repeat themselves. + +Nothing so true as what you once let fall,-- +"To growl at something is the lot of all; +Contentment is a gem on earth unknown, +And Perfect Happiness the wizard's stone. +Give me," you cried, "to see my duty clear, +And room to work, unhindered in my sphere; +To live my life, and work my work alone, +Unloved while living, and unwept when gone. +Let none my triumphs or my failures share, +Nor leave a sorrowing wife and joyful heir." + +Go, like St. Simon, on your lonely tower, +Wish to make all men good, but want the power. +Freedom you'll have, but still will lack the thrall,-- +The bond of sympathy, which binds us all. +Children and wives are hostages to fame, +But aids and helps in every useful aim. + +You answer, "Look around, where'er you will, +Experience teaches the same lesson still. +Mark how the world, full nine times out of ten, +To abject drudgery dooms its married men: +A slave at first, before the knot is tied, +But soon a mere appendage to the bride; +A cover, next, to shield her arts from blame; +At home ill-tempered, but abroad quite tame; +In fact, her servant; though, in name, her lord; +Alive, neglected; but, defunct, adored." + +This picture, friend, is surely overdone, +You paint the tribe by drawing only one; +Or from one peevish grunt, in haste, conclude +The man's whole life with misery imbued. + +Say, what can Horace want to crown his life, +Blest with eight little urchins, and a wife? +His lively grin proclaims the man is blest, +Here perfect happiness must be confessed! +Hark, hear that melancholy shriek, alack!-- +That vile lumbago keeps him on the rack. + +This evil vexed not Courthope's happy ways, +Who wants no extra coat on coldest days. +His face, his walk, his dress--whate'er you scan, +He stands revealed the prosperous gentleman. +Still must he groan each Sabbath, while he hears +The hoarse Gregorians vex his tortured ears. + +Sure Bosanquet true happiness must know, +While wit and wisdom mingle as they flow, +Him Bromley Sunday scholars will obey; +For him e'en Leech will work a good half day; +He strives to hide the fear he still must feel, +Lest sharp Jack Frost should catch his Marshal Niel. + +Peace to all such; but were there one, whose fires +True genius kindles and fair fame inspires; +Blest with demurrers, statements, counts, and pleas, +And born to arbitrations, briefs, and fees; +Should such a man, couched on his easy throne, +(Unlike the Turk) desire to live alone; +View every virgin with distrustful eyes, +And dread those arts, which suitors mostly prize, +Alike averse to blame, or to commend, +Not quite their foe, but something less than friend; +Dreading e'en widows, when by these besieged; +And so obliging, that he ne'er obliged; +Who, in all marriage contracts, looks for flaws, +And sits, and meditates on Salic laws; +While Pall Mall bachelors proclaim his praise, +And spinsters wonder at his works and ways; +Who would not smile if such a man there be? +Who would not weep if Atticus were he? + +Oh, blest beyond the common lot are they, +On whom Contentment sheds her cheerful ray; +Who find in Duty's path unmixed delight, +And perfect Pleasure in pursuit of Right; +Thankful for every Joy they feel, or share, +Unsought for blessings, like the light and air, +And grateful even for the ills they bear; +Wedded or single, taking nought amiss, +And learning that Content is more than Bliss. + +Oh, friend, may each domestic joy be thine, +Be no unpleasing melancholy mine. +As rolling years disclose the will of Fate, +I see you wedded to some equal mate; +Thronged by a crowd of growing girls and boys, +A heap of troubles, but a host of joys. +On sights like these, should length of days attend, +Still may good luck pursue you to the end; +Still heaven vouchsafe the gifts it has in store; +Still make you, what you would be, more and more; +Preserve you happy, cheerful, and serene, +Blest with your young retainers, and your Queen. + + + +YOUNG ENGLAND. + + +The times still "grow to something strange"; + We rap and turn the tables; +We fire our guns at awful range; + We lay Atlantic cables; +We bore the hills, we bridge the seas-- + To me 'tis better far +To sit before my fire at ease, + And smoke a mild cigar. + +We start gigantic bubble schemes,-- + Whoever _can_ invent 'em!-- +How splendid the prospectus seems, + With int'rest cent. per centum +His shares the holder, startled, sees + At eighty below par: +I dawdle to my club at ease, + And light a mild cigar. + +We pickle peas, we lock up sound, + We bottle electricity; +We run our railways underground, + Our trams above in this city +We fly balloons in calm or breeze, + And tumble from the car; +I wander down Pall Mall at ease, + And smoke a mild cigar. + +Some strive to get a post or place, + Or entree to society; +Or after wealth or pleasure race, + Or any notoriety; +Or snatch at titles or degrees, + At ribbon, cross, or star: +I elevate my limbs at ease, + And smoke a mild cigar. + +Some people strive for manhood right + With riots or orations; +For anti-vaccination fight, + Or temperance demonstrations: +I gently smile at things like these, + And, 'mid the clash and jar, +I sit in my arm-chair at ease, + And smoke a mild cigar. + +They say young ladies all demand + A smart barouche and pair, +Two flunkies at the door to stand, + A mansion in May Fair: +I can't afford such things as these, + I hold it safer far +To sip my claret at my ease, + And smoke a mild cigar. + +It may be proper one should take + One's place in the creation; +It may be very right to make + A choice of some vocation; +With such remarks one quite agrees, + So sensible they are: +I much prefer to take my ease, + And smoke a mild cigar. + +They say our morals are so so, + Religion still more hollow; +And where the upper classes go, + The lower always follow; +That honour lost with grace and ease + Your fortunes will not mar: +That's not so well; but, if you please, + We'll light a fresh cigar. + +Rank heresy is fresh and green, + E'en womenkind have caught it; +They say the Bible doesn't mean + What people always thought it; +That miracles are what you please, + Or nature's order mar: +I read the last review at ease, + And smoke a mild cigar. + +Some folks who make a fearful fuss, + In eighteen ninety-seven, +Say, heaven will either come to us, + Or we shall go to heaven; +They settle it just as they please; + But, though it mayn't be far, +At any rate there's time with ease + To light a fresh cigar. + +It may be there is something true; + It may be one might find it; +It may be, if one looked life through, + That something lies behind it; +It may be, p'raps, for aught one sees, + The things that may be, are: +I'm growing serious--if you please + We'll light a fresh cigar. + + + +AN OLDE LYRIC. + + +I. + +Oh, saw ye my own true love, I praye, + My own true love so sweete? +For the flowers have lightly toss'd awaye + The prynte of her faery feete. +Now, how can we telle if she passed us bye? + Is she darke or fayre to see? +Like sloes are her eyes, or blue as the skies? + Is't braided her haire or free? + +II. + +Oh, never by outward looke or signe, + My true love shall ye knowe; +There be many as fayre, and many as fyne, + And many as brighte to showe. +But if ye coude looke with angel's eyes, + Which into the soule can see, +She then would be seene as the matchless Queene + Of Love and of Puritie. + + + +LULLABY. + + +Sleep, little baby, sleep, love, sleep! + Evening is coming, and night is nigh; +Under the lattice the little birds cheep, + All will be sleeping by and by. + Sleep, little baby, sleep. + +Sleep, little baby, sleep, love, sleep! + Darkness is creeping along the sky; +Stars at the casement glimmer and peep, + Slowly the moon comes sailing by. + Sleep, little baby, sleep. + +Sleep, little baby, sleep, love, sleep! + Sleep till the dawning has dappled the sky; +Under the lattice the little birds cheep, + All will be waking by and by. + Sleep, little baby, sleep. + + + +ISLE OF WIGHT--SPRING, 1891. + + +I know not what the cause may be, + Or whether there be one or many; +But this year's Spring has seemed to me + More exquisite than any. + +What happy days we spent together + In that fair Isle of primrose flowers! +How brilliant was the April weather! + What glorious sunshine and what showers! + +I think the leaves peeped out and in + At every change from cold to heat; +The grass threw off a livelier sheen + From dewdrops sparkling at our feet. + +What wealth of early bloom was there-- + The wind flow'r and the primrose pale, +On bank or copse, and orchis rare, + And cowslip covering Wroxhall dale. + +And, oh, the splendour of the sea,-- + The blue belt glimmering soft and far, +Through many a tumbled rock and tree + Strewn 'neath the overhanging scar! + +'Tis twenty years and more, since here, + As man and wife we sought this Isle, +Dear to us both, O wife most dear, + And we can greet it with a smile. + +Not now alone we come once more, + But bringing young ones of our brood-- +One boy (Salopian), and four + Girls, blooming into maidenhood. + +And I had late begun to fret + And sicken at the sordid town-- +The crime, the guilt, and, loathlier yet, + The helpless, hopeless sinking down; + +The want, the misery, the woe, + The stubborn heart which will not turn; +The tears which will or will not flow; + The shame which does or does not burn. + +And Winter's frosts had proved unkind, + With darkest gloom and deadliest cold; +A time which will be brought to mind, + And talked of, when our boys are old. + +And thus the contrast seemed to wake + New vigour in the heart and brain; +Sea, land, and sky conspired to make + The jaded spirit young again; + +Or hopes for growing girl or boy, + Or thankfulness for things that be, +Or sweet content in wedded joy, + Set all the world to harmony. + +And so I know not if it be + That there are causes one or many, +But this year's Spring still seems to me + More exquisite than any. + + + +LOVE AND LIBERTY. + + +The linnet had flown from its cage away, +And flitted and sang in the light of day-- +Had flown from the lady who loved it well, +In Liberty's freer air to dwell. +Alas! poor bird, it was soon to prove, +Sweeter than Liberty is Love. + +When night came on it had ceased to sing, +And had hidden its head beneath its wing. +It thought of the warm room left behind, +The shelter from cold and rain and wind; +It could not sleep, when to sleep it strove-- +Liberty needeth the help of Love. + +The night owls shrieked as they wheeled along, +Bent upon slaughter, and rapine, and wrong: +There was devilish mirth in their wild halloo, +And the linnet trembled when near they drew; +'Twas fearful to watch them madly rove, +Drunken with Liberty, left of Love. + +When morning broke, a grey old crow +Was pecking some carrion down below; +A poor little lamb, half alive, half-dead, +And the crow at each peck turned up its head +With a cunning glance at the linnet above-- +What a demon is Liberty left of Love! + +Then an eagle hovered far up in the sky, +And the linnet trembled, but could not fly; +With a swoop to the earth the eagle fell, +And rose up anon with a savage yell. +The birds in the woodlands dared not move. +What a despot is Liberty left of Love! + +By and bye there arrived, with chattering loud, +Chaffinch and sparrow and finch, in a cloud; +Round and around in their fierce attack, +They plucked the feathers from breast and back; +And the poor little linnet all vainly strove, +Fighting with Liberty left of Love. + +"Alas!" it said, with a cry of pain, +"Carry me back to my cage again; +There let me dwell in peaceful ease, +Piping whatever songs I please; +Here, if I stay, my death shall prove, +Liberty dieth left of Love." + + + +TO THE REV. A. A. IN THE COUNTRY FROM HIS FRIEND IN LONDON. + + +(AFTER HEINE.) + +Thou little village curate, + Come quick, and do not wait; +We'll sit and talk together, + So sweetly _tete-a-tete_. + +Oh do not fear the railway + Because it seems so big-- +Dost thou not daily trust thee + Unto thy little gig. + +This house is full of painters, + And half shut up and black; +But rooms the very snuggest + Lie hidden at the back. + Come! come! come! + + + +THE CURATE TO HIS SLIPPERS. + + +Take, oh take those boots away, + That so nearly are outworn; +And those shoes remove, I pray-- + Pumps that but induce the corn! +But my slippers bring again, + Bring again; +Works of love, but worked in vain, + Worked in vain! + + + +AN ATTEMPT TO REMEMBER THE "GRANDMOTHER'S APOLOGY." + + +(WITH MANY APOLOGIES TO THE LAUREATE.) + +And Willie, my eldest born, is gone, you say, little Anne, +Ruddy and white, and strong on his legs, he looks like a man; +He was only fourscore years, quite young, when he died; +I ought to have gone before, but must wait for time and tide. + +So Harry's wife has written; she was always an awful fool, +And Charlie was always drunk, which made our families cool; +For Willie was walking with Jenny when the moon came up the dale, +And whit, whit, whit, in the bush beside me chirrupt the nightingale. + +Jenny I know had tripped, and she knew that I knew of it well. +She began to slander me. I knew, but I wouldn't tell! +And she to be slandering me, the impertinent, base little liar; +But the tongue is a fire, as you know, my dear, the tongue is a fire. + +And the parson made it his text last week; and he said likewise, +That a lie which is half a truth is ever the blackest of lies; +That a downright hearty good falsehood doesn't so very much matter, +But a lie which is half a truth is worse than one that is flatter. + +Then Willie and Jenny turned in the sweet moonshine, +And he said to me through his tears, "Let your good name be mine," +"And what do I care for Jane." She was never over-wise, +Never the wife for Willie: thank God that I keep my eyes. + +"Marry you, Willie!" said I, and I thought my heart would break, +"But a man cannot marry his grandmother, so there must be some mistake." +But he turned and clasped me in his arms, and answered, "No, love, no! +Seventy years ago, my darling, seventy years ago!" + +So Willie and I were wedded, though clearly against the law, +And the ringers rang with a will, and Willie's gloves were straw; +But the first that ever I bear was dead before it was born-- +For Willie I cannot weep, life is flower and thorn. + +Pattering over the boards, my Annie, an Annie like you, +Pattering over the boards, and Charlie and Harry too; +Pattering over the boards of our beautiful little cot, +And I'm not exactly certain whether they died or not. + +And yet I know of a truth, there is none of them left alive, +For Willie went at eighty, and Harry at ninety-five; +And Charlie at threescore years, aye! or more than that I'll be sworn, +And that very remarkable infant that died before it was born. + +So Willie has gone, my beauty, the eldest that bears the name, +It's a soothing thought--"In a hundred years it'll be all the same." +"Here's a leg for a babe of a week," says doctor, in some surprise, +But fetch me my glasses, Annie, I'm thankful I keep my eyes. + + + +AIR--"Three Fishers went Sailing." + + +Three attorneys came sailing down Chancery Lane, + Down Chancery Lane e'er the courts had sat; +They thought of the leaders they ought to retain, + But the Junior Bar, oh, they thought not of that; + For serjeants get work and Q.C.'s too, + And solicitors' sons-in-law frequently do, + While the Junior Bar is moaning. + +Three juniors sat up in Crown Office Row, + In Crown Office Row e'er the courts had sat, +They saw the solicitors passing below, + And the briefs that were rolled up so tidy and fat, + For serjeants get work, etc. + +Three briefs were delivered to Jones, Q.C, + To Jones, Q.C., e'er the courts had sat; +And the juniors weeping, and wringing their paws, + Remarked that their business seemed uncommon flat; + For Serjeants get work and Q.C.'s too, + But as for the rest it's a regular "do," + And the Junior Bar is moaning. + + + +AIR--"Give that Wreath to Me" + + +("Farewell, Manchester"). + +I. + + Give that brief to me, + Without so much bother; + Never let it be + Given to another. + Why this coy resistance? + Wherefore keep such distance? +Why hesitate so long to give that brief to me? + +II. + + Should'st thou ever find + Any counsel willing + To conduct thy case + For one pound one shilling; + Scorn such vulgar tricks, love; + One pound three and six, love, +Is the proper thing,--then give that brief to me. + +III. + + Should thy case turn out + Hopeless and delusive, + Still I'd rave and shout, + Using terms abusive. + Truth and sense might perish, + Still thy cause I'd cherish, +Hallow'd by thy gold,--then give that brief to me. + +IV. + + Should the learned judge + Sit on me like fury, + Still I'd never budge-- + There's the British Jury! + Should that stay prove rotten, + Bowen, Brett, and Cotton {143} +Would upset them all,--then give that brief to me. + + + +ON CIRCUIT. + + +Two neighbours, fighting for a yard of land; +Two witnesses, who _lie_ on either hand; +Two lawyers, issuing many writs and pleas; +Two clerks, in a dark passage counting fees; +Two counsel, calling one another names; +Two courts, where lawyers play their little games; +Two weeks at Leeds, which wear the soul away; +Two judges getting limper every day; +Two bailiffs of the court with aspect sour-- +So runs the round of life from hour to hour. + + + +AT THE "COCK" TAVERN. + + +Champagne doth not a luncheon make, + Nor caviare a meal; +Men gluttonous and rich may take + These till they make them ill. +If I've potatoes to my chop, + And after that have cheese, +Angels in Pond & Spiers's shop + Serve no such luxuries. + + + +IMPROMPTU IN THE ASSIZE COURT, NOTTINGHAM, + + +_On seeing_ BRET HARTE _come upon the Bench_. + +Thanks for an hour of laughing + In a world that is growing old; +Thanks for an hour of weeping + In a world that is growing cold; +For we who have wept with Dickens, + And we who have laughed with Boz, +Have renewed the days of our childhood + With his American Coz. + + + +IMPROMPTU IN THE ASSIZE COURT AT LINCOLN. + + +_Sir W. Bovill was specially retained in an action for damages caused by +the overflowing of the banks of the Witham. With great spirit he +contended that the river had for three days flowed from the sea_. + +The moon in the valley of Ajalon + Stood still at the word of the prophet; +But since certain "Essays" were written + We don't think so very much of it. +Now, a prophet is raised up among us, + Whose miracles none can gainsay; +For he spoke, and the great river Witham + Flowed three days, uphill, the wrong way. + + + +PROLOGUE +TO A CHARADE.--"DAMN-AGES." + + +In olden time--in great Eliza's age, +When rare Ben Jonson ruled the humorous stage, +No play without its Prologue might appear +To earn applause or ward the critic's sneer; +And surely now old customs should not sleep +When merry Christmas revelries we keep. +He loves old ways, old faces, and old friends, +Nor to new-fangled fancies condescends; +Besides, we need your kindly hearts to move +Our faults to pardon and our freaks approve, +For this our sport has been in haste begun, +Unpractised actors and impromptu fun; +So on our own deserts we dare not stand, +But beg the favour that we can't command. +Most flat would fall our "cranks and wanton wiles," +Reft of your favouring "nods and wreathed smiles," +As some tame landscape desolately bare +Is charmed by sunshine into seeming fair; +So, gentle friends, if you your smiles bestow, +That which is tame in us will not seem so. +Our play is a charade. We split the word, +Each syllable an act, the whole a third; +My first we show you by a comic play, +Old, but not less the welcome, I dare say. +My second will be brought upon the stage +From lisping childhood down to palsied age. +Last, but not least, our country's joy and pride, +A British Jury will my whole decide; +But what's the word you'll ask me, what's the word? +That you must guess, or ask some little bird; +Guess as you will you'll fail; for 'tis no doubt +One of those things "no fellow can find out." + + + +TO A SCIENTIFIC FRIEND. + + +You say 'tis plain that poets feign, + And from the truth depart; +They write with ease what fibs they please, + With artifice, not art; +Dearer to you the simply true-- + The fact without the fancy-- +Than this false play of colours gay, + So very vague and chancy. +No doubt 'tis well the truth to tell + In scientific coteries; +But I'll be bold to say she's cold, + Excepting to her votaries. +The false disguise of tawdry lies + May hide sweet Nature's face; +But in her form the blood runs warm, + As in the human race; +And in the rose the dew-drop glows, + And, o'er the seas serene, +The sunshine white still breaks in light + Of yellow, blue, and green. +In thousand rays the fancy plays; + The feelings rise and bubble; +The mind receives, the heart believes, + And makes each pleasure double. +Then spare to draw without a flaw, + Nor all too perfect make her, +Lest Nature wear the dull, cold air + Of some demurest Quaker-- +Whose mien austere is void of cheer, + Or sense of sins forgiven, +And her sweet face has lost all grace + Of either earth or heaven. + +GLASGOW: PRINTED AT THE UNIVERSITY PRESS BY ROBERT MACLEHOSE. + + + + +Footnotes + + +{5} Milton only received 10 pounds for _Paradise Lost_, and there is a +good story told that some one copied it out in manuscript and sent it +successively to three great London publishers, who all declined it as +unsuitable to the public taste. + +{143} Three of the Justices of Appeal. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK INTERLUDES*** + + +******* This file should be named 17065.txt or 17065.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/7/0/6/17065 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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