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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/16859-8.txt b/16859-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9d44592 --- /dev/null +++ b/16859-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4029 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Woman's Endurance, by A.D.L. + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Woman's Endurance + +Author: August D. Luckhoff + +Release Date: October 12, 2005 [EBook #16859] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WOMAN'S ENDURANCE *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Audrey Longhurst, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +Woman's Endurance. + + +BY A.D.L., B.A., CHAPLAIN IN THE CONCENTRATION CAMP, BETHULIE, +O.R.C., 1901. + + +CAPE TOWN: PRINTED BY S.A. NEWS CO., LTD., 1904. + + + + +To THE REV. H.C.J. BECKER, OF BETHULIE, O.R.C. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +_DEAR READER_,-- + +_A perusal of the following "Introduction" by the Author, and of his +true and touching "Diary," will assuredly carry the conviction into +your own soul, if you still require conviction, that our South +African women were the heroines of the late deplorable war._ + +_May this pathetic relation bring us all nearer to one another in +sympathy and love; and serve to awaken in every woman's breast the +desire to emulate and perpetuate the pure faith and noble devotion +which these Sisters of ours have handed down to us and to all +posterity as their priceless legacy._ + +_In undertaking the responsibility for the publication of this +"Diary," I may simply state that the proceeds will be given towards +the support of the Orphanage at Bethulie._ + +_Yours, etc.,_ +D. DE VILLIERS, +_Secretary, Boer Relief Committee_. +CAPE TOWN. + + + + +INTRODUCTION. + + +This Journal was written in the Bethulie Concentration Camp just two +years ago. + +A few days after my return from Europe (whither I had gone for six +months on the completion of a Theological course at Stellenbosch), a +telegram came from the Deputy Administrator of the Orange River +Colony, through the Rev. Wm. Robertson, inviting me to work as +Chaplain in one of the Concentration Camps. + +The Rev. Mr. Pienaar, who had received a similar invitation, and I +therefore journeyed down to Bloemfontein a few days later. We +received great courtesy at the hands of Sir Hamilton Gould-Adams, the +Deputy Administrator, and every kindness from Mr. Robertson. + +In a few days it was finally decided that Mr. Pienaar should go to +Irene, in the Transvaal, and I to the Concentration Camp at Bethulie. +Thither I forthwith travelled, arriving at my destination on the 21st +August. + +The thought suggested itself the very first day that I might desire, +in after years, to recall my experiences in Camp, and so I decided to +keep a diary. This thought, and this alone, prompted me in the +matter. Of an evening, therefore, just before retiring, I noted down +the doings of the day, consulting at such times always my pocket +note-book. + +What was written was done hurriedly, on the impulse of the moment--in +fact, simply scribbled down without, of course, any regard to style, +language, or form. Stress of circumstances must be held responsible +for the many undignified expressions in which the Diary abounds. It +should not be forgotten, moreover, that I was usually tired out after +the day's work, when these entries were made. + +For almost a year the Diary lay in my desk before I could summon +courage to re-read it. After it had been hidden again for another +year, I rashly promised a sick friend to send it for her to read. +Fearing, however, that she would not be able to follow all the +contractions, I decided to copy it over, and it was while thus +engaged that it became clear to me that it should be published. Cui +bono? is of course, the question which must be faced. The only answer +I wish to plead is that this work is a tribute to Woman's Endurance, +and that it presents in the story of that endurance, and the +fortitude of the Dutch women and children, one of the nobler aspects +of the late war. And is not this plea enough? Cannot we sometimes +forget the inevitable political aspect of things and see beyond into +the human? + +In conclusion, this: A diary is simply a confidential talk to one's +self of one's self--such is its prerogative. While, then, sending +forth into publicity this Journal in its entirety, so as not to mar +its integrity, need it be suggested how hard it is occasionally to +lay bare the naked soul within? + +Durbanville, +Cape Colony, +September, 1903. + + * * * * * + +NOTE. + +As reproduced here, the Diary is substantially the same as the +original, except for:-- + +1. Contractions, which are written out. + +2. Slang, for which, where it could be done, inoffensive words are +substituted. + +In form it is given absolutely unchanged. + +I have found it necessary to add a number of notes, and to translate +all the Dutch. + + + + +DIARY. + + + + +CHAP. I. + + +Bethulie Concentration Camp, August, 1901. + +Wednesday, August 21.--Arrived station 8.30 a.m. (from Bloemfontein); +tedious delay; no pass to village obtainable, official in village for +breakfast; number of refugees in same train, among them a sick girl, +with fever: "Pappie, Pappie, ach mij ou Pappie!" ("Daddy, daddy! O my +dear daddy!" Thus she cried whenever she was touched, as they carried +her out of the train, and lifted her on to the wagon. She was +fever-stricken and terribly emaciated. (Reference is made later to +this same girl.) Alas! Arrival village; visit parsonage (Becker's); +dinner; things forwarded per wagon; arrival camp (mile out); meet +superintendent; given a tent; dust; misery; the Van As's offer me a +home; kind; bitter cold night; leakage; bad draught; bad cold; feel +lonesome; orphanish; pipe to rescue; great consolation. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, August 22.--My tent untenable position; in the +thoroughfare; speak Superintendent; obtain new site; private; buy 150 +bricks 1s. 6d., hire three boys, barrow 1s. 3d.; with miershoop +(antheap, excellent for making floor) make brick kraal; hard work; +Mr. Van As[1] and Fourie grand; fine floor. + +First visits: Young girl, orphan, bad; Weinanda, little girl, "Ja +Oom, ik is nou bij mij Mamie" ("Yes, Uncle, now I am with my +mother"); mind wanders. Third tent: Two babies wrestling with death; +mothers raadeloos (in despair); 486[2], wife, babe at breast, +measles; daughter, 14, convalescent; behind screen three children +sick, measles; condition pitiable; husband prisoner Ladismith; great +dirt; unbearable; the pity of it! + +Pitch tent; wet floor; inside dire confusion. + +Meeting Church-square thirty-nine elders[3]; each a block; prayer; +introduction Rev. Becker; kind words and cheer. + +Early bed; restless night; hospital close by; commotion; groans; +fifteen buried to-day; service for Mr. Van As. + + * * * * * + +Friday, August 23.--Early bird; wash spruit[4]; first shave (tears); +Van As coffee; pathetic sight; old man leading old wife back to tent +from hospital; Hugo; son just died. + +Visit Hugo's; dinner Van As; outspan (rest); cigar grand. + +Unpack; three Red Cross boxes (gift of the chemist); order out of +chaos; spirits revive; visits 2.5 p.m. + +Dying child; mother broken-hearted. + +Dying mother; clear doorway; deathbed grim attraction for our people; +prayer; understands. + +Widow; husband found dead outside in night; heart disease. + +Sick child (since dead); sick child; sweet face; Louw. + +Visit sick child of yesterday, also Weinanda. + +Stray; hear cough; enter; father invalid (wife dead); three sick +children; youngest very bad. + +Comfort mother of dead child. + +Funerals (seven), Mr. Becker: "I was dumb and opened not my mouth." + +Burial ground; about 120 graves; weeping mothers; visit dying child; +fool of myself, broke down in prayer; the helplessness in presence of +Death! + +Throat hoarse; dead off; return tent; meditate; convinced this work +the very hardest in whole world. + +Avoid taking guide next time (handicapped). + +Neglected to visit 486 and mothers of yesterday's dying children. + +Stienie[5]; down measles; jelly. + +Mr. Otto's dear loving daughter[6] died hospital. + +Fourteen corpses (in morgue tents). + +Very many old friends all about of Papa's and Oom Jacob's[7]. + +One man disappointed; had expected Oom Jacob. + +Night: Strains of Psalm-singing; calm and fresh after shower of +rain; follow ear; Snyman; short conversation. + + * * * * * + +Saturday, August 24.--Evening: Coughing; wailing; crying; groaning. + +Exhausting day; pure, clear air after refreshing rain. + +The misery in our Camp heart-rending; hopeless to cope with work. + +Up early; coffee in hospital kitchen; work. + +235a; six orphans; baby; dirt; sad! + +241; mother died to-day suddenly. + +239; boy 12, Ignatius; malignant growth shoulder; hopeless; pining +away. + +249; child; measles. + +468; Venter; motherless infants; all sick; food scarce; despair; +powerful grandmother (arms!); daughter; all measles; "Ziet, minheer, +die dochter is nog'n lady: sij is nie getrouwd nie" ('This daughter, +sir, is still a lady; she is not yet married'); Bengers; beef tea.[8] + +485; Van Heerde; mother and tentful of sick children; pitiable; +camphor; brandy. + +487; Engelbrecht; Mrs. P. de Lint[9]; wonderful discovery; yet withal +sad; father India; children ill; wife broken-hearted; great +rejoicing; thanksgiving for change. + +321; Old Mr. De Villiers, grand old man; great cheer to myself. + +268; Mrs. De Villiers; five children sick. + +383; mother died last week; daughter this morning; "Minheer, dit was +de prachtigste sterfbed wat ik ooit gezien het" ('Sir, it was the +most beautiful deathbed I have ever seen'); "Dag, tante, ik gaat naar +die Heere Jesus toe" ('Good-bye, Aunt, I am going to the Lord +Jesus'); remaining daughter very, very bad; "Minheer, moet assemblief +bid dat ik kan gezond word" ('Sir, you must pray, please, that I may +recover'); little hope; inflammation. + +292; Van der Berg; wife died last night. + +81; casual visit; Mrs. Van Staden; Mrs. Otto; sick children. + +80; Mrs. Van der Merwe died to-day; old lady, Mrs. Pienaar, ill in +bed; when I repeated some verses Gezang 65[10], old lady forestalled +me line for line. + +612; "Ach mij lieve ou Pappie"; better. + +Five hours' incessant work; wearisome; thank God when twilight comes. + +Work here for ten men; no chance alone; no show; the helplessness of +it all! and there are hundreds sick and dying that I know not of, and +that I could not visit even should I know. + +My brothers-elders must help me more. + +Had I not seen body of 80 removed I should never have known. + +Funerals this morning; twelve; rude coffins; rough and ready biers +(six); young Hugo; "Gelijk een bloem des velds" ("As for man his days +are as grass; as a flower of the field so he flourisheth")[11] + +Visit Mrs. Liebenberg, whose girlie was buried; prostrate; never saw +glimpse of Mr. Becker. + +Great concern because of the difficulty of cleanliness amid such dire +straits; point determined; to warn and exhort one and all to the +strictest cleanliness[12]; for "cleanliness is next to godliness." + +Saw long convoy travelling past. + +Eighteen corpses in morgue tents. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, August 25.--Longish day. + +235a; six orphans[13]; nice and clean; very satisfactory; boy bad. + +383; still same; poor girl. + +113; death; child; much misery; Olivier. + +Church 1.30; open air; glorious weather; attentive congregation; +singing impressive; majority stand; grand pulpit(!); regular rostrum. + +Afternoon work begins 2 p.m., ends 7 p.m.; incessant, wearying. + +Twenty-eight visits. + +Our Camp one large hospital, with hundreds wrestling with measles, +pneumonia, fever. The sorrow of it that I never can sit down and say, +"Now I have visited all the sick." There are hundreds of whom I know +nothing. + +Horrible whistle that! It signals the morgue tent people to come and +remove the dead. It is Death's shrill, harsh, jarring, triumphant +shout! It shivers one through. + +176; great misery. + +235b; child died; food needed. + +375; dead child. + +175; a most harrowing spectacle; Badenhorst; old father; old mother; +bedridden 15-year-old boy; water head; simple; old mother feeds it +mouth to mouth[14]; "Die kind, leeraart, het ik nou al lang afgege +aan de Heere Jesus!" (This child, Pastor, I have given to the Lord +Jesus long ago.") She dotes on this imbecile, poor mother. Such a +simple, homely, gladsome, believing old heart. "Ik ben velen een +wonder geweest" ("I am a wonder unto many"); me certainly; daughter +with sick girlie; "De Heere het haar ver ons terug gege" ("The Lord +has given her back to us"); there was a fire in their tent, and this +young mother was badly burnt to the bone (wrist). + +169; Heever; four children; all sick. + +450; great distress; Du Toit; child sick; no nourishment; young +mother sick; only child dead. + +526; De Wet; daughter delirious; dying; two others sick on the floor; +pathetic. + +372; Kotze; baby dying; two others sick; great friends Oom Jacob. + +156; Joubert (or Ackerman); daughter; floor; dying; measles and +pneumonia. + +15; Barnard; two daughters; one dangerously sick; poor anxious +mother! While hurrying to relieve with some beef tea and Benger's +Food stopped on way by desperate mother. + +471; Marais; eight children; all sick; no nourishment; two very bad. +To think of it! + +After tea called to 235; orphans; boy very bad; sisters' tears. + +Also 211; Roux; daughter; pneumonia. + +Again 383; much drawn to that child; large, soft, trustful brown +eyes; asked yesterday that I pray she might get well; to-day +otherwise; trusting. + +Distributed beef tea and Benger's food to some very urgent cases; the +thankfulness melts one's heart. + +Funerals; fourteen. + +Found on getting home plate food on box; enjoyed same at tea; great +cheer to be with the Van As's. + +Closed Sunday School; children sing "Dat's Heeren Zegen!" ("The +blessing of the Lord descend on thee.") + + * * * * * + +Monday, August 26.--That imbecile boy died to-day; the old mother +sent for me, but I found no time to go. + +Don't think 526 will last long; gave candles, beef tea and Benger's +Food this evening. + +383 much better; smiled this morning when I entered. + +339; great tribulation; six deaths in one week. + +440; girlie; sweet face; wonder if she will die or live; very, very +bad; Cloete. + +288; Mrs. Venter; young wife; sick; five children sick; gave beef tea +and Benger's Food. + +352; the lost little lamb found; one of my first, whose number I had +omitted to take; Weinanda; five years; pining away; large grey eyes; +far-away look; poor little mite; Ken jij ver mij, me kind?" (Do you +still remember me, child?") "Ja, Oom; Oom is de Predikant" ("Yes, +Uncle; Uncle is the Minister"). "Is Weinanda blij dat Oom weer gekom +het?" ("Is Weinanda glad that Uncle has come again?") "Ja, Oom; Oom +is goed om te kom" ("Yes, Uncle; it was good of Uncle to come") +Wonder if I really am rather soft; but when this little mite clasped +her tiny hands together when Oom began to pray, I was bowled clean +over. + +35, 156, 15 rather better. + +At 34 found old friends of Oom Jacob; Wernich; the old woman weak; +very nice to meet so many great friends of Oom Jacob and of Papa from +Colesberg; old Mr. Du Plessis can't get over it. + +Wasted much time at weekly meeting of the Elders; impatient; each +Elder has block of sixteen tents to care for; heard reports; nearly +all report general sickness. The amount of sickness just now is +terrible; a vast hospital; the bitter cold nights play havoc; most +lie on the hard bare ground. + +Fighting grimly with uncleanliness; the idea that it is dangerous to +wash with measles; rot! + +Another great point; must insist that friends and relatives abstain +from all long-faced despondency, with total absence of any cheer and +hopefulness; this bad effect on patients; if anyone seriously ill, +they "hands up" and cluster around to await the end, lest perchance +they miss seeing "zoo 'n prachtige sterfbed" (such a beautiful +deathbed). + +Mrs. Botha (outer Camp) sent for me; penitent; wonder if it is only +the fear that drives her, or whether it is a genuine case of true +repentance; she has measles badly. + +91; mother sick; five children (and one in hospital). + +Sad about 398; buried two children this afternoon; this is the third; +mother also dead; husband sick; glad I found time to see him; poor +fellow. + +458; great distress; old grandmother; sick mother; sick children; no +nourishment; no candles; very helpless; Benger's Food, beef tea, and +candles. + +Made only about twenty-two visits to-day. + +Relieved Mr. Becker funeral service; seven this afternoon; had no +time to prepare; reckless; got through somehow; "Het wordt gezaaid in +verderfelijkheid, het wordt opgewekt in onverderfelijkheid" (It is +sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption). + +"Ja, leeraar, hier in ons Kamp wordt daar nie droppels tranen gestort +nie maar emmers vol" ("Yes, Pastor, here in our Camp it is not drops +but bucketsful of tears that are shed"). + +There are about a dozen corpses in morgue tents just now. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, August 27.--The blessedness of eventide. + +Letters from Issie and Louise; seem to have forgotten for a brief +space the sorrows around. + +Record day so far; visited thirty-five tents; very hard task. It is +so delightful to offer up a thanksgiving prayer for a change; the +usual "noodgebed" (emergency prayer) is most wearying. Thank God, +that in some I found "beterschap" (convalescence). + +Am striking out in new direction now; there is too much despondency +and heaviness of spirit rampant; anyhow, extremely difficult task, +for the conditions all around are most lamentably depressing. + +Am going to sew blankets into bag this evening, a la Hanglip[15]; +last night bitterly cold; frost this morning; to-day very hot again; +these two extremes so disastrous to the sick. + +440 little better, and 383 much better. + +190; Mrs. Taljard died last night. + +Deaths at 201, 312, and 460 also; and all these had never yet been +visited. Here is where the dissatisfaction comes in; and yet, how am +I to know? + +In 436 a child died; mother in great sorrow. + +Next to 416 is Mrs. Van der Walt; very sick; not at all serene +within; such cases very hard. While at dinner suddenly called to Mrs. +Van der Walt--death's throes; prayer; when at dinner, on return, +heard the horrible whistle go. + +Our wood is done, and there remains nothing wherewith to make +coffins; will have to bury in blankets to-morrow I fear; this will +cause extra affliction and unhappiness. Pitiable to see husband of +Mrs. Van der Walt pleading for boxes which could not be given; and he +was "schatryk" (very rich) they say. There will be a great outcry, +I'm afraid. And yet, after all, will a coffin save the soul? + +After dinner, 169; baby died; mother sorely stricken. + +Visited old mother in 25 again, and spoke few words of cheer; she is +an old Christian; blessed me for coming. + +In luck's way to-day; felt inclined for handwash, and was taken into +tent 335; Horak's; relations of old Jaap's[16]; nice, clean, tidy; +delighted; happiness; mother; daughter; autoharp; lemon syrup; must +go again if I can. + +"Wie is daar? Wat is dit?" ("Who is there? What is it?") + +"Zal Minheer L---- assemblief gou kom naar Mrs. Meintjes? Zij le op +sterve!" ("Will Mr. L---- please come quickly to Mrs. Meintjes? She is +dying!") + +Just returned; delirious; called her by name after prayer, and she +became conscious for a few seconds; fear her moments on earth are +numbered. How good of those girls to watch over her! Husband rushed +out of tent in tears. Now, what could I do? + +"Is there no pity sitting in the clouds can see into the bottom of +our grief?" + +10 p.m., walked through Camp. + +Great coughs; little coughs; deep coughs; shrill coughs; hoarse +coughs; long coughs; short coughs; coughs that are no coughs at all. +Wonder how many are to die to-night! + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, August 28.--Now if there is anything that rubs me up the +wrong way, it is to see a crowd around a tent doorway, watching the +end. Yesterday I lost my temper at 35, and gave it hot all round. +Such barefaced curiosity is revolting; I hate it. + +Yes, 35 (21 years) passed away last night, and so did 415 (Mrs. +Meintjes), whom I visited late last evening. + +This morning the black list was laid on my table; twelve[17] in the +night--339, 415, 125, 253, 180, 526, 419, 35, 353, 450, I didn't +expect 415 to live long. + +The night has been a most restless one; "Ja, minheer, ons het +vannacht nie rust gehad nie" ("Yes, sir, we had no rest last night") +(morgue tents men). + +I woke at 2 a.m. with the tramp of these bearers removing +corpses[18]. + +One longs for day, and the night seems never to end. + +Twice funerals--morning at 11 a.m. (six), "Leer ons alzoo onze dagen +tellen" ("So teach us to number our days"); afternoon, 4 p.m. (six), +"En de dooden werden geoordeeld uit hetgeen in de boeken geschreven +was, naar hunne werken" ("And the dead were judged out of those +things which were written in the books, according to their works"). + +Our wood has given in, and we are forced to bury in blankets. But let +me not think on it! It is painful to remember, and our people feel +very deeply. + +The Van der Walts managed to put together an apology for a coffin, +and there was something pathetically comic about that production. I +think it was made of candle and milk boxes. + +That reminds me, what queer pastimes some folks can have. One man +casually informed me that he attends all the funerals! But some folks +unconsciously delight to wander in the sombre shadows of life. A +funeral to me is a most fatiguing duty; more so when one has to give +an address at the graves, and there is no time for preparation except +on the march to the burying ground. I am getting reckless, for I am +forced absolutely to rely on impromptu grace. I tremble, when I think +what I risk each day. + +Visits only a dozen, owing to funerals. + +Sad about 91; very bad. + +599, 602, 606, 16, 238, 327, all new tents, with great affliction; +must go soon again. + +Called to 117; Nel; young wife; just received tidings of her +husband's death in Ceylon; desperately stricken; hard, hard case. + +Called to hospital; Annie Bothma[19]; strong young girl (twenty); +very bad; just struggling to live; mother holding hand. Foeitog! +(alas!) So well and strong; horrid pneumonia; have visited her again, +and cannot get reconciled that she should die. And yet she yearns to +be "ontbonden" (loosed), and begs of me to pray to that effect. Now, +God forgive me, but this dying girl's request I cannot, cannot accede +to. Humanly speaking, she simply cannot live; it is only her +abnormally strong constitution that fights so grimly. I have wrestled +with God for her life. Oh, she must not, may not, die! Think of the +weak, frail mother--of the father far, far away in Ceylon! "O ye of +little faith"; and yet I firmly believe God can still spare her life. + +Yesterday, row about the miserable meat[20]. Some women rather +violent and loose with tongue; to-day committed to imprisonment. +Yesterday my letters were returned by the Censor. I boiled over for +some time; such a little snob, who is too big for his boots! +Pinpricks; will fight it out to-morrow. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, August 29.--Went back to hospital after writing above, and +then I did indeed pray as the sick girl desired. God took her home at +about two this morning. Poor child! she did suffer so very much, and +yet withal so patiently; "Die doctor het mij gif ingespuyt en gif +ingege daarom lei ik zoo zwaar" ("The doctor injected poison into me, +and gave me to take poison; that is why I suffer so bitterly"); very +likely morphia had to be injected. Whenever I repeated a verse to her +she would say the lines in advance. + +After breakfast I went to village for first time; saw Magistrate; +obtained residential pass; hunted high and low for boards for coffin +for Annie Bothma. At last, after despairing search, succeeded in +getting six boards and two boxes; hope they will be enough wherewith +to fashion some sort of a coffin. + +Dined with the Beckers. + +Deaths last night--8, 129, 401, 52, 427, 213, 239, and one in +hospital. + +Very trying afternoon among the dying. + +One woman just giving her last breath when I entered to pray for her; +lamentation. Roaring lion, because of the crowd of inquisitives; +stood at doorway and addressed them; said I was ashamed of their +conduct; boiled over. Simply will not stand such things; and yet such +things are inevitable with a camp of 650[21] tents all crowded +together; with hundreds swarming all over, and countless children. Am +going to put a stop to children visiting morgue tents[22]; should not +be allowed; will see Superintendent to-morrow. + +91 very bad. + +I usually make a last round after the day's work to take Benger's +Food and beef tea, etc., to urgent cases. When I got to 268, found +she had died soon after my visit. + +Have written to Issie and Mr. Robertson. + +Wonder how long my things will last, and what I shall do after that. + +Dead tired. + + * * * * * + +Friday, August 30.--Village; morning visits. + +Found 91 died in night. + +Dropped in to speak few words to old woman in 25; don't think she +will last very long. + +79; boy sick; relapse; Van der Berg; baby died yesterday + +Mrs. Castelan lies sick in 76; husband Bloemfontein Camp; three +children sick; also daughter just out of hospital (1-1/4 months). + +Called in at 217; Du Preez; very nice, clean people; daughter very +sick; pneumonia; found her very much distressed, and that because the +thought of being buried without coffin was so repulsive; "Net sous +een beest" (just like an animal). We must not anticipate God! + +Am much distressed that 383, who was getting well so nicely, and who +smiled when I looked in yesterday, has died. + +Mother died few weeks ago, and sister few days ago. + +Near the coalfields[23] I was called to see Mrs. Van der Walt; 191; +heart bad; most desperately anxious to be taken "home," and quite +ready too; wonder if she will live through the night! + +When a person decides and is determined to die, the chances at +recovery are very poor indeed. + +Mr. Otto called and asked me to take prayer meeting 2 p.m. "En Samuel +bad den Heere" (And Samuel prayed unto the Lord). + +Then came the inevitable funerals, ten, among others Annie Botha. Oh, +the sorrow of it! the sorrow of it! Nothing is more regular than that +dreary procession every afternoon at four o'clock. + +Several in blankets; "Ik ben verstomd, ik deed mynen mond niet open, +want gij hebt het gedaan" (I was dumb, I opened not my mouth because +thou didst it). + +Met old Tollie's[24] brother; rejoiced. + +Found sick orphan girl I visited first day; much better. + +Nice dinner; nice supper; "vet schaapie en vet ou bokkie" (fat lamb, +fat little goat), which we bought. + +Wonder what I would have done were the Van As's not here; so happy +with them; everyone always so cheerful[25]. + +At tea called to pray with dying little girl; went immediately, and +found tent full of weeping and wailing women; the little girl was in +death's throes; short prayer, and when I finished her spirit had +fled; mother frantic; hard, very hard to know how best to comfort. A +woman is a wonderful network of cross-wires, and when these wires +get unstrung or entangled, the result is most distressing. In +presence of such, one feels hopelessly lost, and all one can do is +to--walk away. And yet, for downright, dogged perseverance--for +silent, struggling endurance--for quiet, patient suffering--commend +me to a woman. What would become of Man without the Woman! + + * * * * * + +Saturday, August 31.--Glum; just returned from dying boy, Herklaas; +young, strong; father Ceylon; visited him yesterday; said he did not +want to die because his father was away, and he had to care for the +mother. Touched late last night, and found him very bad; went down +again with doctor[26]; this morning he was better, but this afternoon +worse, and now (10 p.m.) I find him dying. I am very, very +down-hearted to-night, and am tempted to think that, after all, +God--No! I won't write it, because I believe this is a temptation of +Satan! But oh! we did pray so fervently that God should spare his +life; he is still so young and so strong. Found some more inquisitive +onlookers. Some folks will put themselves to endless inconvenience to +be able to witness a deathbed. They revel in it. I am vexed in my +soul, and feel as though I could knock down everyone of them. + +Funerals twice to-day. + +This morning I buried seven; "Het wordt snellijk afgesneden" (For it +is soon cut off). + +This afternoon Mr. Becker buried six. + +There were twenty corpses in morgue tents this morning. + +This afternoon a column struck camp half a mile north of our Camp. + +To-morrow is Sunday; I am quite unprepared, and must hold two +services. + +Walked through Camp this evening (10 p.m.); found several women busy +round fire; all to warm "pap" (poultice) for sick children. Pneumonia +is playing havoc. + +Better stop; feeling tootoo to-night; and besides, my two letters +have again been returned by the Censor, and I am too cross for +anything. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[Footnote 1: Mr. Van As and Mr. Fourie laid out the floor for my +tent, and encircled it with a 9-inch wall.] + +[Footnote 2: Each tent was numbered.] + +[Footnote 3: Not real church elders; each, however, had a block of +tents under his care.] + +[Footnote 4: Stream between Camp and village; it only had running +water, though, after rain.] + +[Footnote 5: Mr. Van As's eldest daughter.] + +[Footnote 6: Sannie Otto was the bosom friend of Sarah van As. Sarah +has since died.] + +[Footnote 7: My father was for many years minister at Colesberg, and +my uncle again at Fauresmith.] + +[Footnote 8: Some friends at Durbanville subscribed about £20, with +which I had bought some invalid food, to take down with me from Cape +Town (beef tea, Benger's Food, jelly, arrowroot, dozen bottles of +port). While visiting the sick I noted down the most distressing +cases, and after the day's work I made a final round to these tents +with some of this invalid food.] + +[Footnote 9: Pieter de Lint, an old College friend.] + +[Footnote 10: Our Hymnary is divided into Psalms and Evangelical +hymns (Psalmen en Gezangen).] + +[Footnote 11: I decided to note down always in diary my text for the +address at the gravesides. Our people expect the pastor to give an +address before reading the Burial Service.] + +[Footnote 12: What with water to be carried, rations to be fetched, +wood to be brought and chopped, food to be cooked (in the open), +bread to be baked, washing to be done (not to speak of the menial +sanitary duties), it was indeed hard for a mother (herself perhaps +weak), with a number of sick children, to keep her tent clean.] + +[Footnote 13: Van Huysteens. The mother was shot while they were +fleeing before the English. There was a babe of five months.] + +[Footnote 14: As a pigeon feeds its young.] + +[Footnote 15: Where I have often camped out.] + +[Footnote 16: College chum.] + +[Footnote 17: The twelfth was probably in hospital.] + +[Footnote 18: When removing the dead from a certain section of the +Camp, the bearers had to pass my tent.] + +[Footnote 19: She was a probationer.] + +[Footnote 20: The women, brandishing the meat ration on high, +literally laid siege to the official tent. The meat supplied was +miserably lean, quite unfit for consumption. I myself wouldn't have +given it to a dog. When thrown against a wall, for instance, it would +stick. Throughout the Camp it was dubbed "vrekvlys" (a man dies, an +animal "vreks"--vlys is meat). The flour given was good, for the bread +was usually excellent.] + +[Footnote 21: This number soon grew to 800.] + +[Footnote 22: There were three such tents about 100 yards beyond the +hospital; they were the most dilapidated tents in the whole Camp, +always open; they were occasionally blown down.] + +[Footnote 23: A ration of coal was sometimes served out.] + +[Footnote 24: Another old College chum.] + +[Footnote 25: The Van As's received my ration (which was same as +theirs), and I took all my meals with them.] + +[Footnote 26: This doctor, a most capable man, was always most +friendly to me. I had learnt to humour him, and he was ever willing +to accompany me, even at night, to desperate cases. He was, however, +almost as universally detested as he was feared, and ultimately was +knocked down by an irate husband.] + + + + +CHAP. II. + + +Sunday, September 1.--Recklessness; preached twice to-day without any +preparation; "sommer uit die vuis uit" (literally, straight from the +fist); simply compelled to; very unpleasant day; wind and dust; made +services very short; fifty-five minutes. + +In afternoon a large crowd of young people. + +Mr. Otto took funerals for me this morning (eleven buried). + +This afternoon Mr. Becker buried six. + +About fourteen have died since last night. + +It is pitiable to see the innocent little children and babies +suffering and struggling against the accursed pneumonia; and there +seems no hope when once they get it. Poor little mites! + +A census taken lately gives 683 as the number of sick. Milk ration[27] +has been stopped since yesterday; new sorrow. Our Camp a veritable +valley of desolation. For the very essence of sorrow and misery, come +here! For weeping, wailing mothers, come here! For broken hearts, +come here! For desperate misery and hopelessness, come here! What +would become of us if we had not our Religion to fall back upon! +What, if we had not the assurance that a Good and Merciful God reigns +above! What if there was no Love! What, if there was no hope of the +Resurrection and Life Everlasting! What, if there is nothing beyond +the Grave! + +The nights here are so awful, and one yearns for day; and then the +fearfulness of being awakened repeatedly in the night by the tramp of +those who carry away the dead to the morgue tents. I woke last night +in such a way, and knew that they were bearing young Herklaas away. +One grows a bit pessimistic under the circumstances. Despite my +services, I had to visit several sick--mostly dying children, with +weeping mothers. It is so hard to pray, and so very wearying. And +then, to comfort and cheer, when your own heart is lead within. + +In the hospital there are many sick; am neglecting the hospital, and +my conscience hurts, but am going regularly from to-morrow; must find +time somewhere. + +Mrs. De Lint's children are all sick; baby very bad; poor woman; am +so sorry for her; Peter away in Ceylon. + +Those deep rings round the eyes, which one sees all about, bear +testimony to nights of watching and of anguish in the heart. May God +take pity! + +Monday, September 2.--Bitter day, the bitterest I have yet had; +Superintendent furious because of my last letters[28]. The worst is I +see that I am altogether misunderstood, and that I am suspected now +of interfering and working against the Superintendent. And yet this +is not so, for I would go to-morrow if I knew I was at all hostile to +the authorities. I fear I have been indiscreet in what I wrote; shall +have straight talk to-morrow, and ask Superintendent to let me resign +if I have not his confidence; there must be no suspicion, otherwise I +cannot stay. This matter is a load upon my heart. + +Busy day; new tents 63, 552a, 50, 40, all with sick children except +552, where young man is very sick. + +Called to hospital; Mrs. Retief dying; prayer; expired just after. +Hurried to 34, but found I was just too late; Mrs. Ackerman just +died. + +156; very sad case; mother, Mrs. Joubert, died this morning, and when +I came I found three helpless little ones all alone, and sick too; +father in Bloemfontein Camp; the grandmother will provide, I +understand. + +Had short conversation with Mr. Branders, Superintendent Sunday +School, and decided to exhort parents to send children to school. + +395; Mrs. Botha very ill; twenty-eight days in bed; advise removal +hospital; this afternoon doctor called and said she was dying; she +leaves a baby. + +Went to few cases with doctor; very interesting; get on well with +him. + +Visited 239, Ignatius, with malignant growth on arm; must soon die. + +Took doctor to see 36; young girl suddenly sick; great misery there; +bad ventilation; four others measles. + +Funerals this afternoon (about nine); "Hetgeen gij zaait wordt niet +levend tenzij dat het gestorven is" (That which thou sowest is not +quickened except it die). + +Visited hospital to-day, and mean to go regularly each day. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, September 3.--Went to Superintendent first thing to-day; +reasonable[29]; long talk; reconciled; thank God. + +Found boy in 34 very, very bad; this afternoon stopped bearers on way +to morgue tents, and learnt that they were carrying him away; poor +little fellow; he suffered so very much! + +In 35 there is also great sickness. + +27; Mrs. Taljaard; very sick baby; also sick boy; husband commando. + +Hospital; read and prayed in the three wards; glad I went; some very +seriously ill; so sorry to hear that Miss Hendriks died this morning; +she was very bad; spoke to her yesterday, and prayed with her; she +enquired restlessly, time after time, "Is dit nog nie vijf uur nie?" +(Is it not yet five o'clock?). At five this morning she passed away. + +The men's ward quite full; all ages; all were so glad to have me read +and pray. + +541; Mrs. Steyn; two children gone; very sore; glad I went. + +500; Mrs. Schoeman; eight children; two sick; husband Ceylon. + +503; Mrs. Robertson; baby dead; two boys sick; husband fighting. + +In 418 great misery; Mrs. Herbst ill and three sick children. + +In 322 called in to pray for dying baby. + +Very busy afternoon; always stopped on way and called in. + +Neglected 475. + +The poor little mites! the horrid, cruel pneumonia! and there seems +to be no saving them when once the pneumonia, grips them. + +Mr. Becker took funerals, seventeen; several in blankets. + +And so we go forth day by day; the dread whistle; the regular tramp +of the bearers to morgue tents, and the slowly winding procession +every afternoon. + +Called hurriedly to hospital twice; dying girl just brought in; could +understand. + +Hysterical girl Martie[30], swearing and cursing all round; each +nurse in particular, and the whole lot generally. + +Old Mrs. Van Zyl, 492, evidently dying. + +Called to enquire after old Mrs. Oosthuizen; found she had died soon +after last visit. + +Pleasant evening; stories of my travels; in Italy once more. + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, September 4.--My visits to hospital I love. + +That one girl such a sad case; fever and most terrible headache; they +say it is sunstroke. + +Hysterical girl quiet. + +Filth and stench in some tents almost unbearable. + +Nos. 34 and 35 very bad; ventilated tent myself; some folks built +that way, and sickness becomes their trench behind which they +shelter. But I will persist in maintaining that no matter the +sickness, no matter the distress and poverty, cleanliness is a +possibility anywhere[31]. But what an opportunity for the careless to +degenerate! + +Managed to get bedstead for Mrs. Van Zyl; fear she won't last long. + +I wonder what the safest policy would be when two women pour out +their griefs into your ear at the same time. When they simultaneously +tell you all about their departed cherubs? Some people selfish in +their sorrow. Took little camphor brandy Mrs. Niemand's; tent full +lamenting womenfolk; and the helpless babe casting her black eyes +from one to another. Some people will insist on anticipating the +Almighty (the child is dead, though). + +Saw a child to-day the very image of a mouse; two months' illness; +large ears; black eyes; thin, bony hands; huddled together. + +Very busy afternoon. + +Funerals at 4 p.m.; eighteen corpses; "En God zal alle tranen van +hunne oogen afwisschen" (And God shall wipe away all tears from their +eyes). + +How can one's heart remain hard? Can one be unmoved when you see +weeping, stricken mothers kneeling in anguish beside their infants' +graves? + +Love, after all, is the greatest and most mysterious of all things. + +Explain it that a mother can cling to a helpless, idiotic, deformed +boy for fourteen years, and feed him mouth to mouth! Explain that a +mother can sit up night and day, day and night, with a sick child! +Look at those deep-set eyes, sorrow-sunken, their care-wornness, and +tell me what is this Love that endureth all things! + +Two things have I learnt during these fourteen days which till now to +me were "all fancy"--the meaning of Love and the thing called +Religion. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, September 5th.--Tent overhauled; floor rubbed and "smeered" +(coated); very miserable, windy day; dust; dirt; towards evening cold +south winds; fear it will work havoc with the children to-night. + +Hospitals; so sorry about Miss Snyman; quite delirious to-day; wonder +if she will live. + +Hysterical one[32] quite tame; "Ach, minheer zijn hand is tog zoo +koud; ik wens, minheer, wil die heele dag mij kop hou" ("Ah, sir, +your hand is so very cold, I wish you would hold it to my head the +whole day"). + +Found things cleaner at 35; still great misery. + +Fear old Mrs. Van Zyl will die. + +The De Wets (526) sad way; so many sick; one daughter dead; two +children in hospital; this afternoon baby died. + +Neglected to go to Mrs. Niemand--poor little mother! + +De Lintz in great misery; gnashing teeth girlie[33] weaker. + +Some people selfish in their sorrow; but I don't suppose a man can +fathom the love a mother bears her child! + +Near Church (!) great misery; sick mother (husband Bloemfontein) and +four sick children; all helplessly ill; no one to help; and water has +to be carried and wood fetched and chopped. + +Milk supply has been stopped in Camp; this causes great distress. + +What sorrows one is to find tent upon tent with sick children and no +nourishing or invalid food; not even milk. + +Wonder if there can be suffering greater than what some folk endure +here. + +Mr. Becker funerals; four, I believe, only (!). + +Eight died since yesterday afternoon; may a change come speedily. + + * * * * * + +Friday, September 6.--Handicapped with a horrible cold, which won't +go away; throat hoarse; unpleasant day, very; wind, dust. + +Daily routine: Hospital; visits; dinner; visits; funerals; visits; +supper; bed. + +Nine buried this afternoon; "Heere gij zijt ons een Toevlucht van +Geslacht tot Geslacht" (Lord, Thou hast been our dwelling-place in +all generations); dreary business. + +There have died during one month (August) about 230 people. + +A new doctor has come, and now I hope things will grow brighter. + +Miss Snyman in hospital little better. + +Sad case this evening; found mother at bedside[34] of sick child; she +has lost two already this week, and this one is the last; husband +died Green Point. The sorrow of it! May God spare that child's life. + +Hear from Mr. Becker that the old Tante[35] beyond the Camp, with +sick mother and sick children, has broken down. What on earth will +become of them? + +Some here unconsciously overdo it, and overtax their own strength in +their grim fights with Angel of Death. A sort of superhuman power +sustains them for a time, and then--the collapse! + +But there sings the kettle![36] + + * * * * * + +Saturday, September 7.--To-morrow is Sunday, and my sermons? O, the +recklessness of it! I had determined to set aside this afternoon for +preparation. + +Morning very busy. + +Mrs. Mentz' child dead. + +Hospitals; hysterical girl very bad; fear she won't pull through; +others betterish; except the fever one; very weak. + +In men's ward, old Mr. Petersen dying; quite conscious; waiting on +God; Ps. 23. + +Another youth also very bad. + +Arrangements upset; funerals this morning (seven); had to rush to +overtake procession; Ps. 39, "Handbreed" (an hand-breadth). + +Found I was burying Mrs. De Lint's infant and also "she of the +gnashing teeth." + +Sorrowing mothers; I always hurry away when the first sod falls with +its horrible thud; it unstrings the chords of one's being, and the +best thing is to depart. + +Spent afternoon in; at five, went to few tents. + +Old Tante yonder; the great collapse; very sorrowful; faithful unto +death. Weeks of toil; untiring efforts with sick daughter and her +three sick children; poor; helpless; no one to assist save little +Billy, who herself is sick. And now--now the daughter is better, the +three children on the way to recovery, and the faithful old +grandmother? Nunc demittis. She has lain there like a log since +yesterday without nourishment; took beef tea; kind neighbour brought +broth; made her sit up, and she gulped down the food; will try and +get her removed to hospital to-morrow. + +Visited Mrs. Naude of yesterday; anguish; the last child died this +morning; husband gone; three children gone; alone. Made fool of +myself. O, the pity of it all! + +Long visit from Doctor; desperate; at wit's end; and with a sermon +hanging upon my mind. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, September 8.--Most awful day of wind and dust. May I never +see such another. + +Church (!); open air; clouds of dust; people just simply buried in +dust; could scarcely read; whole service forty-five minutes. + +During sermon compelled to turn round and shut eyes; saw on opening +them that my black hat had changed to my brown one. + +Met wailing women on return; Mrs. Lubbe; news of husband's death; +shot in war; frantic; visited this evening; hopeless. What could I +do? frantic despair; cruel anguish unconsolable. Grief makes one +unreasonable. I think one should fight against grief and not collapse +so readily; and yet--and yet! + +Funerals five; old Mr. Petersen; large crowd; availed myself of +opportunity; "Alleen wiens namen opgeschreven zijn in het Boek des +Levens des Lams" (But they which are written in the Lamb's Book of +Life). + +May God not let His word return to Him void; read also Psalm 25, +which I read to old Mr. Petersen just before he died. + +Accompanied Mrs. Mentz to see husband in hospital; youngest child +dead; father knows not; in fear and trembling lest she should tell. +He gave her half an orange to give the little girl (buried already); +I must tell him of child's death to-morrow; bitter task. + +Disappointed about hospital; could not go through thoroughly; some +there who won't pull through, I'm afraid. + +On way home from funerals called in to pray for dying children; found +I was too late at the first tent; much grief and wailing; second +tent; baby dying. + +Neglected to go to old mother beyond; wonder if! + +This evening two girls came to ask for candle; great misery no light; +gave half a candle; visited this evening Van der Walt; sorrowful; +three children ill; saw my candle burning. What if I had not been +able to give! Other sick children; sent brandy and Benger's food. + +Mr. Becker service afternoon; same old dust. + +Heard there were some of the Ladies' Commission present; good! May +God bless their work and give them His Spirit in their work. May they +see all. + +Nice singing at our Church this evening; Miss Dussels; new doctor +sick; "ipperkonders" gave him cocoa. + +Weinanda dead; thank God! another burden of suffering ended. + +Woman I prayed with in hospital this afternoon, dead this evening. + +Girlie (35) Ackerman also dying. + +Mrs. De Wet called me to her bedside (hospital), and asked me to pray +that she might sleep. May God's angels guard over those hospital +tents this night. + + * * * * * + +Monday, September 9.--Ladies' Commission; one of them, Dr. Jane +Waterston. Glorious rain. How nice it will be to sleep with the +soothing music of falling showers. + +Our new kitchen getting on famously. What a comfort it will be when +finished. It takes 800 bricks to build a kitchen here, and few there +be that possess such a luxury. Spent half an hour in kitchen of +hospital after visits; delighted with the sight of walls again; more +determined than ever to go and do likewise. Am sure won't need more +than 3,000 bricks to build a regular palace, and won't it be +glorious! Besides, one does not know in the least, how long we are +still to remain here, and even were it only a month longer it would +be worth while. + +Doctor gave up 71; went and found woman dead; child very sick; found +Mr. Becker there. + +Just after dinner was called to see one of the little orphans of few +days ago; went at 2.30; too late; bad of me; should have gone +immediately. + +To-day saw the thinnest, boniest woman imaginable; Mrs. Booysen; just +a skeleton; husband Ceylon; daughter here; son and daughter still at +the front. + +Saw also the most emaciated baby imaginable; puny; nine months; +mother dead; lives on "genade" (mercy) of other mothers whose babies +are dead; a regular "kannie dood" (literally, a "won't die"). + +Got the Van Huysteen girls to undertake case of outside tent with +old grandmother; opened bottom to-day to ventilate; foul. + +Visited old Mr. Van Heerde; very bad; wife "praat soos een boek" +(talks like a book); quite a change to do a bit of listening on +points of Theology! + +Found the Fouries of first day; daughter much better. + +The quack doctor deserves to be kicked; found bottle of medicine on +table somewhere; pure water; five shillings. He is coining money and +fleecing people most scandalously; child now luckily in hospital; +spoke strongly to parents on the point. + +In hospital things are rather glum; Miss Snyman utterly weak and +fearfully excited; hysterical girl still alive; so are all others; +but I fear some of them won't see light of morning. + +Doctor actually in bed in hospital; bad too; rather a sell; tables +cruelly turned on us. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, September 10.--Ladies' Commission here again; can more or +less predict what report will be.[37] + +Rain all night; soaking showers; this morning everything very muddy; +some streets in Camp awful; and then to see the "gesukel" (distress) +this morning all round among the women trying to cook breakfast. + +Yesterday met several women carrying heavy buckets of water; "Dit is +daarom nie vrouwen's werk nie" (This truly is not work for women). + +The women here have a rough time; what with no servants, no kitchen, +scanty wood, and poor rations; it is hard to make ends meet. Were it +not for the little extras[38] we have (golden syrup, jam, oatmeal, +tea and until yesterday fat), I wonder what I would do. + +Went to village to-day; nothing to be had there; was absolutely +refused permit for rice and beans; got 4 lbs. peas; candles not to be +had for love or money; dined Beckers. + +Owing to presence of Ladies' Commission, unable to do my daily visit +to hospital; three have died--Mrs. Kruger, Miss Ackerman, and a lad +of seventeen. + +Superintendent called me to-day, and said I could issue "briefies" +(notes) for food to-morrow; very glad, for I know many tents where +there is dire distress. + +Very weary and sickish; eager for bed. + +Funerals nine; "U te kennen is het eeuwige leven" (To know Thee is +life everlasting." + +Yesterday Mr. Becker buried eleven. + + * * * * * + +To-day most were in blankets. + +Wednesday, September 11.--Waylaid doctor; throat bad; got two bottles +medicine; seedy. + +34 and 71 great distress; the girl in 71 actually still alive; some +people die hard. + +Hurried back to hospital; Miss Snyman now so hysterical removed; tent +to herself; wonder if! + +That Lotz girl too is still alive; but what a wonderful constitution +she must have! + +Saw some distressing and heartrending cases to-day. + +626; mother in agony; strong daughter (18) in throes of death and +fearfully "benauwd" (in agony), pneumonia. Little sister; insensible; +far gone; no doctor. + +Hunted for doctor; gone to village; took him down this evening at +nine. O, the sorrow of it! Can never imagine a more harrowing +spectacle; we got medicine down; stayed three-quarters of an hour; +left doctor there and returned. Here go the bearers with their +lifeless burden; the elder sister died little while ago. + +The little one, too, is dead; poor suffering innocents! + +That sweet little girl at 128, whom I visited late last night, and +with whom I prayed--she, too, died early this morning; and now she +has the desire of her heart: they were laying her out when I called +this morning. + +Visited tent to which I sent little brandy yesterday; found child +had just died; too late. + +Gave old woman at 34, children and grandchildren, earnest talking-to +this afternoon; old woman, over seventy, quite callous as to +religion; no "behoefte" (sense of need): "Remember now thy Creator in +the days of thy youth." + +Old Mr. Van Heerde, whom I visited two days ago, died in night. Great +consternation about little boy in 348; was getting on so well, and +actually dead this morning. Doctor completely upset; he took great +trouble with this child; poor little chap, he had such a bonny little +face. + +Our kitchen we are building, getting on famously; I stand good for +bricks and wood; we need about 1,000 bricks; quite a great affair, +and will prove a blessing. + +Gave out "briefies" to-day, but fear that I shall give up the job; +what use, when they return empty-handed, or with but half the things! +Sorely vexed in my soul at the treatment I receive. Why ask me to +issue briefies? + +Washing-stand looks handsome, thanks to Stienie; oilcloth will make +it quite spruce. + +Young man addressed me quite intimate-like this afternoon, "En wat +schrijf maat in de boekie?" ("Mate, what are you writing in that +book?") + +Mr. Becker funerals; don't know number. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, September 12.--News from Steytler[39]; sent away from +Potchefstroom; let me be doubly careful. I am so attached to my work +now, love it, that it would be a grievous burden were I compelled to +give it up[40]. + +Only there is too much, too much to do, and if I visit one side of +the Camp, the other side has to be neglected. Five would have their +hands comfortably full here, and then there would be less "oorslaan" +(neglect). + +I am continually asked to visit new sick people; there seems to be no +end to all the sickness. + +The woman in 34 is very bad; next door to 626 is also great misery; +children very sick and without medical attendance. That is so +sorrowful; the number of tents where no doctor comes[41], the absence +of invalid food and nourishment; the hard, bare floor (heard of a +case yesterday where grass had begun to grow under sick bed); the +despair and helplessness of the mothers. + +Another burden--no lights! There are numbers of tents where there is +sickness, in some cases dying people, and where to-night there is not +an inch of candle. + +Pathetic sight yesterday; mother melting odd ends and scraps of +tallow and fat to make some sort of candle; daughter on brink of +death. + +Wonder what plan they have made to-night for light! + +Girl 71 still alive; wonderful. + +Funerals--nine, I believe; great crowd; calamity; one grave short, +and coffin had to be returned; women faint; consternation. + +Upset, and couldn't pick my thread in address, "En ziet een groote +schaar die niemand tellen kon" (And lo! a great multitude which no +man could number). These funerals most painful and wearying, and then +the burden of having to give address. + +Small quantity boards arrived; may we have no more burials in +blankets now! + +Mrs. Snyman in tears yesterday in hospital, and her great trouble was +that there would be no coffin for her daughter, who is in jaws of +death; reprimand; should not anticipate God; besides, the sorrows of +to-day are grievous enough, why bear to-morrow's in the bargain? + +Great wailing and lamentation round morgue tents this morning; +daughter and wife of old Mr. Van Heerde; and she boasted so big three +days ago of her boundless faith. Gave her straight talk; fruit of our +faith is our resignation and peace of heart. Thank God rather for the +blessedness of so long and happy a union; cross with daughter; a +woman can become so unreasonable in her grief. + +Arrival of my autoharp; gladness. + + * * * * * + +Friday, September 13.--Spat fire. Now let me never have occasion to +get so annoyed again; wished for a bag of chaff to pummel for half an +hour just to let off steam. + +458 the very essence of misery; old mother helpless (since dead); +young mother sick; three wretched and sick children; and yet when I +presented myself for rice at office was cold-shouldered by Assistant +Superintendent; and these be the things sent by friends from Cape +Town to relieve distress here; and after permission from +Superintendent to issue "briefies! I got rice and two beef teas after +all; but sparks inward flew all the same. + +Got to 458; found old grandmother dead; wished Assistant +Superintendent could have been forced to look in; but what an if! + +There comes the pity of it all--total absence of sympathy of any +kind! + +Wonder of wonders; 70 new person; much better; returned from the very +borders; now let me never doubt on the subject of miracles again! + +Saw crowd (hateful) round 34; worked way in; dying. Singing of hymn; +prayer (and after, strong words to crowd). This horrible +attractiveness of a deathbed! Where does it originate? + +34 and 35, Ackermans; these people have had ten deaths since their +arrival in Camp; they are dying out altogether. There is one in +hospital, and she has small chances of recovery. + +Long visit to hospital; all four wards. Spoke to Mrs. ----, who lost +her babe in night. + +Betty Lotz quite "plezierig" (cheerful); Betty Kruger (mother died +few days ago in hospital), sweet little girl; languid dark brown +eyes; much suffering; wonder if! + +Snyman girl very low; mother there; very pathetic: quite delirious; +fear! + +Went to see Mrs. Welgemoed, 518; very bad; don't think she will "make +it."[42] + +Mrs. Hett called me in; very concerned; Annie, ten years, very ill; +sweet little thing; took her some Benger's Food and milk; wine. +Mother in mortal dread of seeing child sent to hospital; but what +foolishness! Selfish, and altogether disastrous policy. + +Saw Mr. Becker; not here yesterday; poor man; new misery; new cross; +and he looks like a bit of leather already. The military contemplate +taking possession of his parsonage (he has wife, four little +children), and this good man has slaved ever since the Camp has been +here, day after day, indefatigably, out of pure goodness and +charity.[43] + +Our kitchen has the woodwork of its roof finished; hope soon to see +it completed; glorious anticipation; a masterpiece! + +Tramping about from 1.30 to 6.30, and now exceedingly tired. Wonder +how about Sunday's sermons. + +Mr. Becker; funerals--nine, I believe. + + * * * * * + +Saturday, September 14.--Great day; this way: inspected this +afternoon immense new marquee tent put up for hospital; glorious +within; charmed; mindful of our sufferings when trying to hold and +attend Divine service; idea spontaneous; immediate action; bee-line +to Superintendent's tent; psychological moment; agreeable. Hurrah! +Strike iron while hot; enlist men to help at 3 p.m. Resultum: Fine +large tent between the two school sheds; "Alles achter mekaar" +(everything in order). Can have use of school forms, which will seat +300 people. Position grand; bit aside, but quiet and clean +neighbourhood. Inauguration to-morrow. + +And sermon? That still to be made. It's no absolute good; busy whole +morning; planned to reserve afternoon for preparation. + +Afternoon comes; new church; funerals; final visits, and where does +the preparation come in? No show! Never mind; too satisfied to +grumble to-night; "Alles zal wel recht komen" (all will come right). + +No chance for hospital to-day; sorry; Betty Lotz dead; poor child. +Yesterday I still teased her with her cropped hair and the orange she +was eating; always so glad when I come; "Betty, gij kan moes mooi +hoor als ik lees en bid neh" ("Betty, you listen very nicely when I +read and pray"). "O ja, minheer, ik luister baing mooi" ("O yes, sir, +I listen very well"). + +Buried her this afternoon, also seven others; "Dood, waar is uw +prikkel?" (Death, where is thy sting?) + +She belonged to 627, from which two daughters were buried in the +week; parents far away; aunt still very sick. + +Found Mrs. Barkhuizen dying; passed away soon after I left. + +518, Mrs. Welgemoed, died in night; baby also dying; great sorrow. + +Called to console mother whose babe had just died, Mrs. Van der M. + +Next door old Mr. R. dying, and, worst of all, unprepared. Oh! how +unspeakably difficult is my work and how fearful the responsibility! + +Wonder if he is still alive? Mr. Otto[44] went to him too, and I +asked Mr. Becker to visit him also. + +Rather ashamed this morning; had taken down Nos. 268 and 263 some +days ago, and never yet been there. To-day "voorgekeerd" (waylaid). + +268, Mrs. Steyn; very sick for one and a half months already; glad I +went; in other tent found Mrs. Fourie; heard that her two children +already dead; very resigned; glad of my visit even though so late in +day. + +While in official tent, woman came with note, for maizena, brandy, +and milk from doctor; was simply told there was none. (And where are +the things that came down lately, with two dozen brandy and 24 dozen +milk?) + +Gave her arrowroot and milk. This is no isolated case. How many go +away empty-handed who present "briefies" at the office? The cry for a +little brandy or wine is simply pitiable. And candles! Fie on it! O +fie! + +Our kitchen nearly done; grand tin roof, out of coffee tins (one +shilling a tin); must inaugurate on Monday with pancakes or +something. + +Now for sermon (10.30 p.m.). + + * * * * * + +Sunday, September 15 (the Great 15th)[45].--What a day! + +Yesterday ecstasy over new church; to-day in the depths again. Joy +shortlived. This way: very stormy night; soaking rains; morning +whirlwind, frightful; hurried to the church; one side already blown +loose; mighty burst wind; whole show laid low. Such are the +vicissitudes of Camp life. + +Service out of question. Thankful! + +Similar tent, hospital, also blown down same time. A fellow feeling +makes us wondrous kind. + +One of morgue tents also blown down. + +Last night very restless one; bearers with their horrid tramp always +waken me, and it is fearful to be so awakened. + +Mr. Roelvert they bore away last night, and several others. It was +frightfully dark, and on one occasion the men walked bang against my +"airing structure"[46] to their great discomfort. + +Woke again 3.30 with peculiar noise. "There goes Dr. Maddon's[47] +tent," says I, "the pole has snapped." Rather helpless sort; guessed +he would come to me; and so it was. Made him call out five times +before I answered, just for fun; got up and helped him; delightful to +get into bed again. + +So sorry. I hear Betty Lotz was buried yesterday in blanket; glad I +was unaware it was she. She asked me the last time I saw her, +"Wanneer gaat, minheer, dan mij stukkie lees uit die Bijbel?" ("Sir, +when are ou going to read my little portion out of the Bible?") "Wat +is dit dan, Betty?" ("What is it, Betty?") "Minheer, van Jairus en +sijn dochtertje" ("Sir, about the daughter of Jairus"). I promised to +read that for next day; but this promise unfulfilled; couldn't go to +hospital yesterday; besides, she was carried away by then. Never +mind, I'll read about Jairus' daughter to-morrow all the same. + +Betty Kruger betterish; poor little thing; her mother died in +beginning of week, also in hospital. She knows nothing though, but +to-day she asked her sister to make her a black frock because her +mother was dead. + +Miss Taljaard very much better; if she pulls through it will be a +miracle. Mr. Van der Merwe very, very bad indeed (enteric); wonder +if! Sad; mother died some days ago; then young wife, and yesterday +his little daughter was buried. Is there a sorrow like to our sorrow? + +Little boy is dying in hospital. + +49; child also dead. + +156; of these remaining orphans (Joubert's), one little girlie is +dying. Foeitog! + +70 very much better. + +Got bedstead for 631; three little children dangerously ill; and all +three "deurgele" (bedsores); "Mammie, mammie, mij boutjes is zoo +zeer" ("Mother, mother, my legs are so sore"). + +The misery there is heartrending; hard ground; cold and wet as well. +Poor little mites; and nourishment? + +Second visit. Found mother down too; terrible pain. What will happen +now, I wonder! + +Called in to 620; old Mrs. Roux; sick; prayer; asked me to come +again. + +Wish I could press a button and summon papa to do the praying part +for me! + +Number of deaths so far (according to Mr. Becker's funeral lists) +about 420. + +Since I've been here (25 days), we have buried about 300. Appalling +figures! + +This afternoon (Mr. Becker), funerals eight. + + * * * * * + +Monday, September 16.--Flood. + +Our Camp one sheet of water and mud; furrow too small for the rush of +water; great inundations; many tents flooded; great misery; and how +about the cooking business? Everything to be done outside (we are +among the few privileged with a kitchen). Women have to wade through +water and mud; wet wood; raining continually. Just picture the scene! + +Came to one tent; in front of door one mass clay and mud; inside +awful; and yet there lay a girl very dangerously sick, and another +also down. + +425, Mrs. Booysen; skeleton; completely flooded; everything wet; and +the floor! Yesterday they got her a bedstead; till now she had to lie +on the floor; sick daughter; wonder where she will sleep. Floor? +Impossible. + +In another tent rain leaked through; water all over. + +Another matter which tells of fresh misery. The sanitary sheds and +screens are all some distance out of the camp. Imagine the +painfulness of affairs on days like this, when one hardly dares put +head out of doors. + +Overheard conversation between old man and doctor: + +You, what do you want here? Go away from this ---- tent! Voetzak, +voetzak! Get away from this ---- tent!" This was to an old man. It +makes one's blood boil. There is no real--no, not a particle +of--sympathy. + +In 631, wife told me doctor (another) came past, and she, meaning +that he was looking for her tent (third morning already and he had +not yet come), attempted to direct him. "You go to ----!" was all she +got; and she has three little ones in very precarious state. + +Visited in New Camp; several sick there. + +652, sick wife and child. (Nice biltongs[48] hanging up; but for all +my hints, got nothing!) + +631, Kotze; doppers; two girls measles; prayer; repeated Psalm. + +518, little child (mother dead two days ago) died this after noon. + +Found another very sick girlie, 532, Venter; took orange wine, +arrowroot, milk; but I doubt whether she'll "make it"; too far gone. + +Talk with Mrs. Steyn, who has lost three children; such a good little +woman; while there an old Tante came, evidently to tell all her tale +of woe, so I cleared. + +Funerals ten, all children. + +Meant to have spoken on "Heere, maak mij bekend mijne einde" (Lord, +make me to know mine end), but on discovery at graveyard that all +were children, spoke on "The Reaper and the Flowers." + +Miss Snyman in hospital, moaning awfully just now; just been there; +poor girl; and she disturbs all the others. + +Spruit nicely down; Mr. Becker not come; can't get across evidently. + +Visits to hospital. In women's ward "beterschap"; little Betty and +Miss Taljaard much better; wonder if! + +Read to them about Jairus' daughter; but the other Betty "wasn't +there no more" to hear. + +Pancakes; five easily. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, September 17.--Fine, glorious day; people all busy airing +and drying things; life again. + +69, old Mr. Theunissen, very weak; old man; old wife; floor. Hard +luck; "Ach, Minheer, ik het zoo gewens dat mij zoon mij ooge moet toe +druk, en nou is hij in Ceylon, en ik voel dat ik nie langmeer hier +zal wees nie" ("O sir, I did so wish that my son should close my +eyes, and now he is in Ceylon, and I feel that I won't be here much +longer"). + +Saw Mr. Mentz being led home to tent (from hospital) by Mr. Booysen; +anxiety; knows nothing about daughter's death, and his wife lies ill +in bed. What's to be done? Mr. Mentz (one month in hospital) still +very weak. Brought him to the Van As's for some tea while I planned +how best to act. Decide to break news to him just before he arrives +at tent; very painful task indeed. Caught the two up just before tent +door, and told him to stop a minute. Now God help me and him!--Thank +God, it is over! Rude, cruel awakening! O the sorrow, the sorrow of +it! Prayed with family, and left with heavy, leaden heart. + +Why is there so much sorrow and bitterness in this life? + +Last week, when his wife visited him in hospital, he gave her half an +orange to give his Nellie, and on another occasion a biscuit--and all +the while his girlie was under the cold, dark sod. + +Visited Van den Heever, 68. Also 626, 631, 624, 70, 74. + +Went with trembling heart to 532; "Waar is die kind?" ("Where is the +child?"). "Nee, Minheer, zij is vannach om een uur dood" ("Sir, she +died last night at one o'clock"). + +Found the Van Zyls, 499, and the Robertsons, 503, had also lost +babies during last few days. + +424, Hasebroek; sick child; baby died yesterday. + +482, Hetts; little daughter very sick; wonder if! Such a sweet little +thing. + +Getting sick to death of doctor; such a terrible amount of brag and +big talk, always about himself; always dread his calls; can never get +so far as to return; a regular thorn in the flesh. + +Visits to hospital. + +Mr. Van der Merwe still very bad; men's ward full of boys; some very +bad. + +Martie Snyman recognised me to-day, and asked me to pray for her; +mother there too. + +Mr. Becker funerals; six. + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, September 18.--Bitterly cold night; frost; glorious day. + +Regular holiday; did precious little "leeraarts" (pastoral) work +to-day; grand clean up; fine bookcase of big box; grand! + +Baby[49] comes regularly now to clean up. + +Tent very close to-day; hot weather; contemplating building house; +busy with estimates to-day; will need about 3,500 bricks; such +edifice will be real boon when hot weather sets in. + +Our kitchen is palatial, and the admiration of the whole camp, and I +guess hundreds have cast envious eyes upon it. And yet within it is +but 4 feet by 7 feet, its height is 5 feet 10 inches; but it has a +pitch roof, with coffee tins beaten out to serve for zinc. It is +built of good, raw brick, and the walls are 4 inches thick, plus two +more inches of substantial clay plaster. It has a window without +panes, and a doorless doorway, and yet a marvellous structure both in +workmanship and usefulness. Total cost about £3. Let me not forget +its chimney--made of a half-sheet of zinc, and beaten into a cone +(1s.). Now with my mind's eye I see the structure sparkling in the +gentle moonbeams. A thing of beauty is a joy for ever. Enough! + +Rigged up church again; little nearer in, and this afternoon three of +us went and put everything geometrically straight--poles, pegs, +ropes, etc.--to prevent second collapse. We are going to sink heavy +stones into the ground as anchors, and the whole structure we are +going to make rigid with wire ropes. This all to be done on the +morrow. It is going to serve as school; good! + +There must be some two thousand children here, and yet I doubt if +fifty go to school; pity; children run loose, absolutely neglected. + +Too much sickness about; fear the deterioration. + +Funerals this afternoon five; all children; "Heere, maak mij bekend +mijne einde" (Lord, make me to know mine end). May those graveside +addresses bear fruit! + +Called to 104, Hugo's; great sorrow; baby died this morning; poor +mother; talk about tears rolling down! Let me not think on it! + +179, Roelvert's baby; convulsions after measles; also dying. + +A mother's heart: the most delicate, mysterious, profound piece of +architecture in creation. Let a man not attempt to fathom its depths; +there are mazes which he can never pass through; and there are +recesses (illuminated, I guess) which he can just barely know of, let +alone enter. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, September 19.--Two women cleared last night; burghers +evidently in near neighbourhood. There are always numbers of women +who go to hills to collect wood, and for long, weary distances they +carry their loads of oven wood, like so many Kaffir girls. It hurts +to watch them return. + +Camp continually getting bigger; there must be some 800 tents now, +and quite 5,000 souls. + +Feel bad at thought of so many thousands whom it is impossible to +reach just now, because of the sickness all about. + +I have been here just a month, and have, during that time, done +nothing but visit sick and dying. + +Hospital, too, grown larger; five big marquee tents; began visit +there this morning; disturbed by arriving patients and doctor. + +Found Martie Snyman dying; dead a quarter of an hour after. We +gathered round her bedside and committed her spirit into God's safe +keeping; poor child! she had such a time of suffering; mostly always +delirious; and her mother! Let me not think of it! + +Many new arrivals in women's wards; some dangerously ill. + +Poor Betty Kruger; fear she won't "make it." + +Meant to go again this afternoon, but disappointed; had to take +charge of books which had come; great work, and unsatisfactory too. + +Meant to have made long visits to New Camp this afternoon; "Alles +verijdeld" (everything fell through). + +Visits 432, 482, 268 (old Mr. De V.), 494 (aunt of Miss Van Rooi, +who died in hospital), 458, 424, 499, and 503. + +Went again with couple of eggs and milk to 432 and 424. + +Poor little girl; so very sick, and on ground too. + +Found 458 in total darkness; no lights, and little boy dying. +Foeitog! Borrowed half a candle from Mrs. Van As. + +Ordered bricks to-day for my house--3,500, at 1s. a hundred. Hope to +see it standing "moet 'n boog" (for show) by next week. + +Split in connection with church; old lot near old church-stand +dissatisfied; some folk hard to please; rather vexing; they want us +to keep up service at old place as well. + +Mr. Becker referred matter to me; said I was quite agreeable if there +was possibility of drawing two congregations. Mr. Otto may be induced +to conduct one. + +Well, certainly, we have enough people for a double service. + +Concerned about Catechism class; there must be hundreds who ought to +be confirmed. Concerned also about Sunday school. How are we to +collect these thousands! If the sickness in camp would only decrease, +what great things we could attempt. + +Found packet Sunlight soap in tent; my ration; large family Van As +gets two cakes; I, single, whole packet; not very complimentary! + +Sent parcel books to hospital as library; decided to divide +miscellaneous books into four small circulating libraries. + +Mr. Becker funerals; eight. + + * * * * * + +Friday, September 20.--Early bird; brought over all books from store +tent; also cask of Quaker oats[50]; very glad of latter; will serve +out like mad next week. + +Tent now regular chaos; boxes; feel need of house all the more. + +Four circulating libraries--Otto's, Dussel's, Van As's, and Lubbe's. +Reading, however, rather an impossibility here in camp; one has +always something to do. What a blessing that everyone has work in +plenty, because in one's work one can derive a measure of happiness +and satisfaction; it detracts one's thoughts from the seamy side of +life just now. + +Immediately after breakfast visited two dying babies, 585, 695. + +Great crowd of children assembled in front of church, several +hundreds (I hear a weeping and a wailing close by; evidently someone +just died); hurried thither; gathered children in circle; Psalm 146; +prayer; address (privilege, obedience, faithfulness); also exhorted +them to take good care of church and to be careful of lines, ropes, +pegs, etc. + +Ordered 3,500 bricks at 1s. 1-1/2d. per hundred; saw Superintendent, +who promised to provide roofing; hope he won't disappoint. Busy whole +morning with books. + +Called after dinner Mrs. Pelser; ill and concerned about soul; same +one I had long talks with before; afraid she is still ignorant of +primary step, reconciliation with God; spent long while in making way +of salvation clear; Doppers; tent full; "Haar Leuze" (her delight), +Psalm 62, verse 1, and when I read it aloud I was on the point of +remarking, "Nee, wach, ik het die regte vers ver jou--Gez 39, vers 3, +'Komt gij allen" ("No, wait, I have the right verse for you--Hymn 39, +verse 3, 'Come ye all, sinners come, what dare hold you back"); saved +from this calamity[51] by mere chance (grace); perhaps they are +Doppers! and so it was. Narrow shave; second time! + +Had to hurry to funerals; eight; Martie and Annie Erasmus; "Leer ons +alzoo onze dagen tellen" (So teach us to number our days). + +(Here go the bearers with another corpse.) + +Met another brother of Tolllie's; regular reproduction; brought me +to several new sick people; Mrs. Venter very, very ill. Fear! Asked +if I should pray for her; "Ja, Minheer" ("Yes, sir"). "En wat zal ik +bid?" ("And what shall I pray?") "Ach, Minheer, dat die Heere mij +gouw moet kom haal" ("O sir, that the Lord come quick to fetch me"). + +Poor old dad! He has lost eight children and grandchildren in camp +already, and this is his last daughter. + +Neglected hospital again; disgusted; those troublesome books! + +Had hurried walk round; Mrs. Kruger dying; prayed, but quite +delirious. + +Met weeping mother on coming out; "Minheer, zal minheer tog nie ver +mij help nie om vir mij man een telegram te stuur, hij is in +Doornbult Camp. Ik is alleen hier en twee van mij kinders is al +dood, and nou le die dochtertje ernstig ziek in die hospital?" ("Sir, +won't you be able to help me to send a telegram to my husband, he is +in Doornbult Camp. I am alone here; two of my children are already +dead, and now my daughter lies dangerously sick in hospital")[52]. +That is the saddest part of all. Mothers here alone with sick +children, and fathers far off--some in other camps. And then, when +Death comes and takes a child, the loneliness of such mothers is too +hard a burden to bear. Many children here and many who have died, +never yet seen by fathers. + +Led prayer meeting at young Otto's tent; six young fellows. + + * * * * * + +Saturday, September 21.--Longish day; called early to see 270 and +269; again in evening to 270; last stage of consumption; won't last +long. (Here go those terrible bearers again! When, O when, will the +Angel of Death sheathe his scythe and depart out of our midst!) + +Made church straight for morrow; fine stout "doornhout" (mimosa) +pins--(more bearers, here they go again!)--and two strong wires +fastened to stones buried in ground (anchors). There are some 24 +school forms, and these will seat about 400 people. + +Quaky about tomorrow; sermon unprepared; meant to have had afternoon +to self, but quite impossible. + +Another death, 128; croup; Smit; tent removed on doctor's orders +outside camp while child dying; cruel; entreaties of mother vain; +child carried in dying condition; expired little after; when I came, +found woman in greatest distress; things bundled outside; indignant; +poor defenceless, helpless women. May God help them! + +Visits 386, 424, 432, 489, 519. + +Called to Mrs. Steyn, 541 (three children gone already); daughter +suddenly sick; looks like fever; found Mr. Becker there; poor little +mother! She is so reconciled and patient in her tribulation. + +Called to tent near shop; Mrs. Theron; great pain; three children, +sick; no help; dependent on charity of neighbours; no light; God +alone knows how many tents there are without lights to-night and with +very sick inmates. + +Hospital; talk with Mr. V.d.M.; very sick; delirious somewhat; Psalm +27, prayer. + +Girlie in ward 1 very sick. + +In children's ward found mother and grandmother sitting by bedside +of dying boy five years; mother broken; after my prayer there was a +tear glistening in the boy's left eye; pathetic to see mother wipe it +away as the tears rolled down her cheeks. + +In the upper ward lies a girl[53] of fourteen, with the softest, +sweetest face imaginable; two clear, languid, blue eyes; very +dangerously ill; wonder if! + +Prayed at bedside; daughter of the mother who asked me to wire to her +husband yesterday. Spoke to Superintendent; quite unsympathetic; +fruitless. + +May God spare that child's life! + +Mr. Becker funerals; seven or eight, I believe. + +Called in by Mr. Kruger; wife died in hospital this morning; son (16 +years) buried Monday; another child some days ago; poor fellow; he +himself sick; subscribed 5s. to assist him to obtain coffin. + +Now for to-morrow's sermon! + + * * * * * + +Sunday, September 22.--Grand day; ideal weather; longish. + +Up six o'clock; sermon; sweat; veld; "Om te doen gedenken" (To bring +to remembrance). + +Inauguration of church; huge crowd; packed; hundreds outside. + +Impossible to use even the tiniest bit of notes; "broekscheur." Made +rather mull of first half; "Ik gedenk heden aan mijne zonden" (I do +remember my faults this day). Introduction and second point more +satisfactory; luckily (?) girl fainted; seized opportunity to give +out hymn; grasped notes to refresh memory; "Ik gedenk heden aan de +weldaden des Heeren--God's liefde" (I remember this day the mercies +of the Lord--God's love). + +Feel the utter insignificance of my best efforts; sore point; no time +at all to prepare; I tremble when I think of what I venture in +coldbloodedness. + +After service went to 207; saw bedding outside, and knew the worst. +"Gister aand, minheer, is zij gestorven. Ach, minheer, zij kon tog +die minuut nie afwag nie, zoo haastig was zij om wegtegaan" +("Yestereen, sir, she died. O sir, she scarcely had patience to wait, +so eager she was to depart"). + +Great tribulation and bitterness on account of doctor, who insisted +on forcing hot coffee down her throat, and for whom Mrs. Venter was +desperately afraid; also on account of his violent conduct and +harshness in the presence of Death. She could not even die in peace. + +Mrs. Steyn's girlie very bad; fever; so restless, and so much pain. + +There again in evening; still so restless; no sleep last two nights; +advised Mrs. Steyn to send her to hospital; environment disastrous; +too much to remind her of her two brothers and sister, who died last +week. + +Rounds in hospital; girlie No. 1 very bad. + +In No. 4, girlie of Mrs. Van der Berg very low; did not know me +to-day; too beautiful a child, really; got mother permission to stay +with her to-night. + +Mrs. Bonig's child still alive this afternoon; died towards evening. +Thank God! + +Another little chap passed away quite suddenly in same tent this +morning. + +Autoharp in convalescent tent. + +Hurried to funerals; four; large crowd; several hundreds; Rev. 7, +chapter Mrs. Venter gave as comfort to her people, "Deze zijn het die +uit groote verdrukking komen" (These are they which come out of great +tribulation). + +Hurried from there straight to church to lead girls' prayer meeting; +some sixty turned up; off the point, though, in their prayers. + +And now for the cream of the day's work. Announced meeting for young +people, 7.15, in church; service of song; borrowed two lamps; scanty +light. Found immense crowd; many turned away; threw up side of tent; +numbers outside; some 500 young people and several old to watch. + +Shall never forget how they sang Psalm 146. It was glorious! We sang +Psalms and gezangen and some "kinder harp liederen" (children's +hymns); and for the last, Gezangen 12, "op lieder wijs" (to new +tune). Beautiful! Short address on Zaccheus--"Moeilijkheden" +(difficulties). The heartiest and most refreshing meeting ever yet +attended; had to stand in middle all the while, with hardly room to +turn myself. So delighted that announced another meeting for Tuesday; +fine moon just now. + +Great point is this--singing sounds lovely at distance, and can be +heard all through the camp and in hospital, and who knows how many +hearts are not refreshed as the strains come rolling by. + +Mr. Becker afternoon service; great crowd also. + +Now the day is over! + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, September 24.--Seedy all yesterday; no diary; straight to +bed; hot water from hospital; footbath. + +Managed to get half a dozen sheets zinc from Superintendent for +roofing. + +Distributed books to Elders yesterday afternoon. + +Felt rather hopeless to-day; so much to do; quite at loss where to +begin; inclined just to sit still. + +Visited southern corner of camp; Mrs. De Lint poorly; read letter +written by husband. + +Gave out "briefies" for rice to some tents. + +Astounded this evening by doctor, "Well, now, wasn't it fine that I +got you the right to grant briefies?" And this is the Donation Store, +quite independent of all Government Stores! A gentleman gave Mr. +Becker £50 for things; these goods arrived yesterday. Really, doctor +takes the cake--with baker and all! Told him a few gentle truths +about these goods. + +Letters from home; hope those groceries of mine will come along all +right; and that order for £20 worth of stuff[54]. May I succeed in +getting the sole right of distribution when that arrives. + +Champion[55] writes that at present he cannot fulfil order; +disappointing. + +One does long so for something nice--some extras which here are quite +unobtainable[56]. Dry bread gets a bit monotonous after a while, and +the "vrekvlijs" becomes nauseous as the days roll by. It thrusts its +miserable, lean presence upon us day by day, and now it has become a +dreaded nightmare. + +"Kerkeraads vergadering" in tent this afternoon; six Elders to +discuss Sunday services; the grumblers would not rest until they too +had their own big marquee tent on the old site. + +Suggested that we have only one morning service in new place and two +afternoon services--one for old people at old place and one for young +at new place; could take further steps later on for a double morning +service if necessary; Elders agreeable; disperse. + +Funerals; four; Mr. Van der Merwe died last night; felt sick myself, +and made fool of myself at graveside; but really could not contain +myself as they lowered the remains of Mr. Van der Merwe into grave; +so big and fine a man; in flower of manhood; wife dead, child dead; +so gentle and patient in his suffering; felt so drawn to him because +of his huge helplessness. Hard lines! Hard lines! Poor Nurse Rouvier! +After all these weeks of devoted, patient, hopeful attendance. It +does make one feel rather low. Quite unable to make any sort of +address at grave; sorry did not ask Mr. Otto. + +Went through hospital; Mr. V.d.B. and Mr. Norval both dangerously +ill; fear the worst; pneumonia; former hard character, but to-day +quite softened; long talk; not yet saved; prayer; great suffering. + +Read Psalm 27 to latter and prayed; very thankful. + +Girlie Van der Berg in new ward very low; so weak. May God in His +tender mercy hear our prayer and restore her! + +Lenie Steyn; hysterical; delirious all day; last night great +consternation; got her into hospital this morning. + +Girl opposite her dying; mother's only child. + +In men's ward little boy (14) died too. + +Splendid meeting this evening; packed within and without(!). + +Service of song; crowd half an hour before time; singing can be heard +all through camp. May many a sad and weary heart have found in our +singing a balm for the aching, longing heart. + +Now for bed--glorious bed! + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, September 25.--Deathbed; sorrowful topic to write upon, +and yet why shirk it? Let me attempt what I have never before done--a +description of a deathbed. It is but human to hasten over the tragic +scenes of life, but this evening I want to tarry. + +Something prompted me to make early visit to the hospital, so went +before breakfast. In first ward went straight to little Mita +Duvenhagen's bed, and her I found very bad--struggling hard to +breathe; so young and yet so bitter a suffering! + +From there called by Mrs. Van den Berg to new ward, to come quickly, +as Lenie was dying. I went, and when I entered saw that God was going +to take her away. Let me not attempt to describe her angelic little +face of marble white, her beautifully chiselled nose, and her sweet +little mouth! Silently we knelt around her bedside--mother, nurse, +and I. Of her beautiful blue eyes I have said nothing, for they were +closed--the lids gently drawn, and the lashes trying hard to kiss the +soft smooth cheeks. "O God, come and help us! O Saviour, come and +take Thy place beside her bed--hold her hand--take her in Thy tender +arms and press her to Thy bosom! Bear her, Saviour, where Thou wilt, +for with Thee she is safe. Comfort our hearts and give us to bend our +heads in humble resignation--Thy will be done. Amen!" + +"Lenie, Lenie, Lenie, mij kind, jou mammie is hier bij jou, en Jezus +ook is hier om jou hand te hou--moenie bang wees nie, mij kind" ("My +child, your mother is here, near you, and Jesus too is here to hold +your hand--don't be afraid, child"). Under her weary eyelids she +looked at us, and a large tear gathered in her left eye. It glistened +like a diamond for a moment, and then became the possession of the +sorrow-stricken mother. Then we were silent and watched. Slowly and +gently the lids opened--now again we could look into those clear blue +orbs. Wider--wider--and still wider they grow--uplifted, right away +beyond the three forms of clay before her. See how the pupils +dilate--they seem to swamp the blue! And so for a few short moments +they remain. It was a gaze right beyond us to--- what! Will it be +old-fashioned to suggest "Angels," perhaps! Until I grow wiser I +shall hold fast to Angels. O, the mystery of the Unknown! + +And slowly, gently those lids sink once more to rest--to rest +indeed--for her spirit has fled. Peace, perfect peace! + +How passing strange, how majestic in its simplicity, how weird in its +tragic stillness--the passing of a Soul--the disunion of Body and +Spirit! Is this Death? Then may I never fear its shadow! + +Sunset and Evening Star! + + * * * * * + +Thursday, September 26.--Another day gone. What a day of sorrow and +tribulation! + +Slept like a log. + +Took round through camp late last night; heard distressing groans in +certain tent; made gentle enquiries; heard this remark after leaving, +"Nee, dit is een van die nach police wat hier rond loop" ("No, it is +one of the night police wandering about"). + +Foundations of house laid[57]; yesterday got use Scotch cart and +brought over some 1,000 bricks and stones for foundation; good +beginning to-day; now things will go swimmingly if weather remains +fine. + +Unbearably hot to-day; tent untenable; thankful house in course of +erection. + +Old story again; supply boards for coffins stopped, and now there is +the pitiful cry of those who seek wood to make coffins for departed +dear ones. + +Yesterday old Mr. Duvenhagen came in distress to me; begged from +Superintendent, and got him two little boxes[58]. + +This morning had to tramp round to get hold of few boxes, for I +promised Lenie's mother I would provide wood. One does make very rash +promises sometimes--but anything to comfort stricken heart of +lonesome mother. + +That Mrs. Van der Berg has now lost her three children; her husband +sits in Bloemfontein Refugee Camp. This to me so inexplicable, so +unreasonable, so cruel. Why cannot husband and wife be allowed to go +in same camp? + +Well, I (next to) stole two nice planks in store tent, and what with +empty condensed milk box and my box which I used as chair, able to +give quite small fortune in wood for Lenie's coffin. + +Buried her and Mita Duvenhagen (both 14) this afternoon; also two +small children; "Laat de kinderen tot mij komen en verhindert ze niet +want derzulken is het Koninkrijk Gods" (Suffer the little children to +come unto Me, and forbid them not, for such is the Kingdom of +Heaven). + +Mita's grave away other end of cemetery (next her brother's), and so +I went and spoke few words at her grave too; sang "Voor eeuwig met +den Heere" (For ever with the Lord). + +Just before funerals went to see Lena Steyn; very low; "Zien, +minheer, nou, hoe waar dit was wat zij geze het" (Do you see now, +sir, how true her words were?). She always persisted in saying that +she was going to die; shall write more of her on another occasion. We +prayed at bedside and committed her into God's keeping, Psalm 23; but +she was unconscious, I think, although her eyes wandered from mother +to me. + +The procession had started already when I had still to hear wail of +old man of 76, "Ach, minheer, waar zal ik tog planke krij; mij vrouw +is dood, en ik kan nerens kiste krij nie" (O, sir, where can I get +boards; my wife is dead, and I can't get wood anywhere?). + +Last night carried out some papers in my box I use as chair and burnt +them outside. Soon man stood next to me, "Minheer, zal ik dan nie +daardie kisje kan krij nie? Onze ou baby is dood, en ik kan nerens +vir haar een stukkie hout krij nie" (Sir, won't I be able to have +that little box? Our little baby is dead, and I can't get a scrap of +wood anywhere). + +Early this afternoon another man came to me in great distress; also +no wood for coffin. It does seem so bitterly hard. + +Visiting whole morning, mostly down New Camp way. + +There is one man always at my back; times a day; came with most +wonderful request two days ago; wants me to get him a--guess? Baby! +Wife's died last week, and he is now loafing another. + +This afternoon two prayer meetings; men and women; took men's down in +old church (big tent there now), "Heere zijt mij genadig" (Lord, be +merciful to me). The women's, I hear, was packed. I had over 100 men; +very good, seeing so few men here; nine prayers. + +This evening children's service again; beautiful moon; glorious +singing; "Ik ga heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a +place for you); told about Lenie's deathbed; she is now in the +mansion prepared for her. + +Went straight thence to see Lena Steyn; saw women standing in front +of tent; heard sobs, and knew the worst. Poor, poor Mrs. Steyn! "Ach, +Minheer, ik het daarom nie gedenk nie dat dit oor die helfte zou gaan +nie" (O, sir, I really never thought that it would go beyond the +half); had six children; four gone now; husband Ceylon, and she is +the dearest little mother in camp almost. + +Knelt and prayed, and then mother said, "Kom, laat ons nog eenmal ver +haar gaan zien" (Come, let us go and see her once more); so went to +see Lena once more in morgue tent. + +Rest after weariness; calm after storm; light after darkness; day +after dawn. + +She passed away while the children were singing Gez. 11. While I +spoke to her (Mrs. Steyn) at tent she was laughing and sobbing +alternately; and then the thought flashed through her that there was +no wood for coffin, so I immediately took whole thing into my hands +and assured her I would provide and see that Lena gets coffin. + +Another rash promise! The Lord only knows where the wood is to come +from! Late this evening, when I took her some cocoa, Mrs. Steyn told +me that Lena had said that I would provide coffin. So guess it will +come out well in end. The presentiments this child had of her death +and other things simply marvellous. Am going to write at greater +length about her when I see mother again. + +And so these three girlies have gone to Jesus. Now, what has become +of all our prayers and supplications? + + * * * * * + +Friday, September 27.--Longish day. + +Great question; where to get material for coffin for Lena? Remembered +that I saw that the school was supplied with bookcase, and that the +box in store tent (full of matches for distribution) could now be +otherwise used; removed all matches[59], and lo and behold! grand big +box empty and ready for carpenter; got matches distributed, each tent +got two boxes; Roos set to work, and with two more milk cases (loafed +at hospital), he was able to make quite respectable coffin. (A decent +and respectable coffin here made of scrap wood and small boxes fitted +together, and whole coated with preparation of boot blacking and oil. +A swell, extra fine coffin has a covering of cheap black material, +1s. 6d. yard.) + +Several came again to-day seeking wood; some even wanted the +galvanized iron for my roof. + +At graves this afternoon saw that they had made a shelf in a grave to +hold body and prevent ground falling directly upon it; made me think +of catacombs Rome. + +Seven buried this afternoon; stood right in front of Lena's grave. + +It was Mr. Becker's turn, but he was hindered from coming; rather +glad, for wanted to be there myself to-day; "En palmtakken waren in +hunne handen" (And palms were in their hands). + +Mrs. Steyn found the lost kinderharp (hymn book) I had given Lena few +days ago; found under her pillow in morgue tent this afternoon. When +I gave it to her she said, "Maar, minheer, moet tog nie vergeet om +mij naam in te schrijve" (Sir, you must be sure to write my name in +it). So I must remember to do it still. Poor Mrs. Steyn, how +resignedly she bears her cross! Sang "Voor eeuwig met den Heere" at +grave. + +Visits to-day on other side--269, 268, 487, 379, 178, 171, 262. + +Called at 329, and found it was same tent where I heard such groans +last night; imbecile woman, 53 years; very sick; great suffering; +spoke to her, and she actually called me by my name; glad I found +tent again; old father of 86; always so keen and hearty at +wood-chopping. + +Weeping woman came to me after funeral; "Minheer, zal minheer nie zoo +goed wees nie om vir Mrs. Engelbrecht in die hospitaal te vertel dat +haar kindje dood is, zij word nou begrave?" (Sir, will you be good +enough to tell Mrs. Engelbrecht in the hospital that her child has +died; she is to be buried now). So another painful task is in store +for me. + +Received short note from Assistant Superintendent requesting me to +discontinue briefies for foodstuffs, "I have now three medical +officers who are well able to attend to the sick and needy." And this +man (Superintendent) himself requested and authorised me to issue +such notes but four days ago. Comment on whole matter superfluous. O +for a little more logic and consistency with some people! However, I +suppose I can interpret these things in my own way. + +Held woman's prayer meeting this afternoon; good audience; "Viel aan +de voeten van Jezus en vertelde Him al de waarheid" (Fell at the +feet, of Jesus and told Him all the truth); six prayers; but O! such +long and wearying ones; thought men could drag it out, but let me be +silent about the women. + +House 3 feet high; doorway up; grandish. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, September 29.--No diary yesterday; too tired and listless; +eager for bed. + +What a grand thing to rest after work! Sleep, glorious, blessed +sleep; feel like writing an ode to extol its virtues. Yesterday +scorcher of a day. + +Spent morning in old quarter; work most wearisome. + +So many who call me in and pour out all their sorrows, and it is so +terribly hard always to be ready and willing to listen and +sympathise. One actually grows "dof" (dull) from sheer weakness. O +the monotony of sorrows and troubles! + +Called in to see woman who had just received news that husband had +fallen in battle. Such sorrow is too great to realise; one can only +stand afar off to behold--and weep. + +At 3 p.m. suddenly told that no one to take women's prayer meeting; +so had hurriedly to go without so much as minute's preparation; quite +large crowd. + +Mr. Becker played me trick; he took funerals; four I believe, so I +had time to make short visit hospital. + +Doctor stopped me two days ago, and said the man B---- in hospital +wished to be left alone; so left him alone; but this evening he has +gone to meet his God. Could never make him out. Was it ignorance or +obstinacy or indifference? May God have mercy on his soul. + +Old Mr. Norval also died this afternoon; thank God; too terrible to +see him struggling with Death; unconscious the last three days; glad +read Psalm and prayed with him a few days ago. + +And so our fellow-men around us are carried off by Death; and now +they are solving the great mystery of the Hereafter. Stupendous +thought! + +These same men, women and children with whom I prayed, to whom I +spoke about eternal things--they know now what we are burning to +know. Is there Life after Death? Is there a Heaven? Is there a Hell? +What do the departed do just now? Is there perhaps a purgatory where +souls are purified? Is there a Throne above, around which a crowd +that cannot be numbered stand clothed in long white robes? What about +the palm branches? And a thousand more questions. + +"The just shall live by his FAITH." + +Last night children's service in lower church; great crowd; "En tot +zich zelven gekomen zijnde" (And when he came to himself). + +This evening similar service in upper church; very bright and hearty; +Miss Dussel sang hymn and solo part of "Mannen breeders" (Hold the +Fort); nice change in programme; accompanied her on autoharp. + +This morning went over to village and exchanged pulpits with Mr. +Becker; felt quite lost in big, empty church. + +Old sermon had to "bite off spit"[60]; goodness knows where I would +have found time to prepare one. + +Had nice chat with Macdonald's father. + +Grand dinner; roast mutton and actually a dish full of gravy! Could +scarce believe my eyes; real gravy; how glorious; and rice too. Think +of it! Let me be silent about the dish of stewed peaches--I might +fill pages--a dish fit for the gods. Wonder what the look and smell +of a vegetable is? Have just faint recollection of such names as +potatoes, onions, beans, cauliflower, pumpkin, but I get a bit +blurred when try to discriminate; long absence has stunted my memory. +Believe there is a vegetable called beetroot too, and wonder if the +name cabbage is correct. By the way, what do we call that stuff one +sometimes puts on bread for breakfast and tea? I believe, too, having +heard and partaken of a preparation called jam in days gone by. And +what, now what, do they always put in tea and coffee in other places? +Fancy it has whitish colour; have an idea it can be drunk pure too. + +Authority (Assistant Superintendent): "En wanneer eet julle Boere dan +breakfast?" (And when do you Boers eat your breakfast?) + +"O, ik het laatste in Brandfort breakfast ge'eet; hier het ik schars +genoeg vir dinner" (O, I had breakfast last at Brandfort; here I get +scarce enough for dinner). + +Had nice nap on sofa after dinner; what a noble thing a house is; how +spacious, how high, how cool! How unnecessarily large people do build +houses nowadays. + +At 2.45 had to race back for afternoon service; young people; great +crowd (700 about); prepared sermon during the fifteen minutes' walk. +Record service; forty-five minutes. + +Went through two wards hospital. + +Mrs. De Wet dying; poor old mother! But she said all along she +wouldn't get well again; several very sick there. + +Now for glorious bed. + +P.S.--Not yet; there came wail from hospital; so I went up; as I +surmised, Mrs. De Wet "gone home"; and shall I soon forget that +little band of women in black returning to their tents while the pale +sad moon cast its shadows of sympathy! + +"Ach, minheer, het ik nie gezondigd dat ik nie wou zien en geloof dat +zij gaat sterve?" (O, sir, did I not sin, in that I would not see and +believe that she would die?) + +"Neen. Dank God liever voor die Liefde in u die u verblind heeft. +Dank God dat gij hebt liefgehad" (No. Thank God rather for the Love +within which blinded your eyes. Thank God that you have loved). + +Another solving the great problem of the Unknown! + + * * * * * + +Monday, September 30.--End of month; cannot help remembering that +this was our finest, loveliest month in the Boland (Western +Province); and here we have been grovelling in the dust. + +Another frightful day of wind and dust; two evils; open the tent to +ventilate, and anon everything covered with layer fine dust; close +tent and one gets suffocated. And one's clothes! Let me rather change +topic. + +After burdens of yesterday felt more inclined for good quiet rest, +but tent too unbearably hot; so decided to do the hospital; there +knew I would find things cool. + +First to men's ward; then through three women's wards, and finally to +convalescent ward; nice and cool in wards, but grew horribly tired. +What with a word of cheer all round and a straight talk to boot, and +after a Psalm, short address, and finally (and hardest of all) a +prayer--great weariness becomes master, and one feels regularly +"pap." + +Hospital grown so large lately; takes few hours to "do" it +thoroughly. + +Best of all, one has assurance and conviction such visits are indeed +source of comfort and blessing; mindful now of that sick mother in +No. 3; so despondent, and how she thanked me after visit; "Ik voel +nou weer blij in mij hart" (I feel glad at heart again). Psalm 115; +"Vertrouw op den Heere; Hij is mijn hulp en mijn schild" (Trust in +the Lord; He is our help and our shield); "De Heere is onzer +gedachtig geweest" (The Lord has been mindful of us); beautiful. + +To my utter surprise found Mrs. Fourie in hospital; ailing lately; +sure this is much best for her. (The Van As's and Mr. and Mrs. F. +form one family circle here.) + +Anyhow, this afternoon simply "dead off"; lay on bed till 3 p.m.; and +yet one always feels uncomfortable to be idle one hour; it feels like +neglect of duty. What one longs for is possibility to have one day or +afternoon off regularly; something to look forward to; some time when +one can sit still. + +Funerals four (Mr. N., Mr. B., Mrs. De W., and girlie); "Dood, waar +is uw prikkel?" (Death, where is thy sting?). + +Felt unhappy and uneasy all through address, for B. had requested me +to leave him alone. Well, anyway my address was directly for the +living and not about the dead. + +Girl at door this afternoon; "Minheer, het min nie vir mij een +Wonderboek?" (Sir, havn't you got a Wonderbook for me?) "Hoe'n soort +boek?" (What kind of book?) "Een Wonderboek" (A Wonderbook). "Een +Wonderboek!" (head scratchings) "Nee, dit het ik tog glad nie. Maar +hoe'n soort boek is dit?" (A Wonderbook! No, I havn't that at all; +but what kind of book is it?) "Minheer, daar is tekste in om te leer" +(Sir, there are verses in it to learn). "Maar is dit dan nie een +Bijbel wat jij wil he?" (But isn't it a Bible you want?) "Ja, +minheer, dit is een Bijbel wat ik wil he" (Yes, sir, it is a Bible). +New name for Bible--Wonderboek. Not bad! + +After tea called to visit very sick old man; long talk; no assurance +of forgiveness of sins. Spoke earnestly on Reconciliation with God as +first step; am afraid old man disappointed in me; fear he wanted me +to recite beautiful Psalms and so forth. + +Now for line re house; walls nearly done; two windows; to-morrow +roof; edifice stands "met 'n oprechte boog' '(with great show); talk +of day; Pastorie. + +Just returned from hospital; fear Mrs. Engelbrecht won't last through +night. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[Footnote 27: Condensed milk.] + +[Footnote 28: I had in my innocence written to Mr. Robertson to +enlist his sympathy on behalf of some people who wished to be removed +to other Camps where their families were. In this letter I casually +mentioned the meat affair. In the second letter, to my mother (who +was collecting to send me a fresh small supply of invalid food), I +stated that she was on no account to send such things unless it could +be guaranteed that I should have the sole right to distribute. I +adopted this precaution because I found that the authorities reserved +for themselves the right of distributing all goods (foodstuffs) sent +by private Relief Committees, doing with such as they chose. Needless +to say, both letters were destroyed.] + +[Footnote 29: This can be altogether misconstrued. The "reasonable" +was only in comparison with the stormy interview of the day before, +when the Superintendent attacked me most fiercely. When I began the +second interview by saying I wished to resign, he changed front +altogether. It had been purely a game of bluff on his part. + +It would perhaps be well to state here my attitude towards the +authorities in Camp. + +It did not take me very many days to see exactly how things stood, +and I determined to have absolutely nothing to do with these men: to +ask no favours, and to be under no obligation to them for anything. +Of course, there came days when I was forced, under stress of +circumstances, to eat these resolutions.] + +[Footnote 30: Martie Snyman.] + +[Footnote 31: My great zeal in this matter led me to be rather severe +and inconsistent; just the same as a teacher who will stand no +excuses from his pupils.] + +[Footnote 32: Betty Lotz.] + +[Footnote 33: This child of four years gnashed all her teeth to +pieces before she died. She obstinately refused all nourishment, and +told her mother she did not want to live longer. She was indeed a +marvel. I gave the mother beef tea, which was all this child lived on +for two weeks. The mother used deceitfully (!) to give it beef tea +when it called for water.] + +[Footnote 34: On the ground.] + +[Footnote 35: Aunt; she was really the grandmother, though. Reference +is made later to this same case.] + +[Footnote 36: For cocoa.] + +[Footnote 37: These ladies never approached me, and yet they might +have known that I would naturally know more about the state of the +Camp than anyone else. The Superintendent led them about--where he +chose, I suppose. They were regarded with universal contempt by the +people. Their report I have not yet seen, but I know this: that the +Superintendent was not immediately dismissed as he should have been. +(This was only done in December.) Perhaps the subsequent extension of +the hospital and removal to a better site were due to these ladies' +suggestions. I remember, though, that we had quite decent meat (beef) +during the few days that they visited the camp.] + +[Footnote 38: I had brought with me six tins syrup, a few tins jam, 1 +lb. of tea, and a little oatmeal.] + +[Footnote 39: The Rev. J. Steytler, who had also gone to labour in a +camp. He was sent away for political reasons.] + +[Footnote 40: This was my daily dilemma: Speak out and protest, and +be removed or imprisoned--hold silence and [Transcriber's note: illegible word] the +coward, and remain in the work. And I chose the latter.] + +[Footnote 41: The rule was that a card, with the number of any tent +where medical attendance was desired, should be pinned to the +Chemist's Tent before a certain hour in the morning. Many chose to +have no attendance, so great was their fear and dread for two of the +doctors. Many, too, in spite of their cards, were never visited.] + +[Footnote 42: Dutch idiom, literally translated, "pull through."] + +[Footnote 43: This calamity, fortunately, only cast its shadow--it +never fell. The Rev. Mr. Becker used to come over every afternoon, +and continued this labour of love until the end of November, when he +was prohibited from visiting the camp any more. How faithful he was! +How well I remember the little figure in black flitting hither and +thither among the tents. We seldom met in camp, but many a time I +smuggled into a tent where I had seen him enter, just to learn from +him to pray.] + +[Footnote 44: Mr. Otto, the Schoolmaster of Dewetsdorp, a God-fearing +man, with a large heart and a great soul--a blessing to many.] + +[Footnote 45: The last day for the Boers to lay down arms, according +to Kitchener's great proclamation.] + +[Footnote 46: Whereon I used to hang out my bedding.] + +[Footnote 47: Never was there crueller irony of fate than in this +doctor's case. He was altogether unpopular with the authorities, and +was at last dismissed for incompetence. When the news of his +dismissal became known, a petition was drawn up in his lines, praying +that he might remain. This was granted. The day I left hospital he +was carried in, stricken with enteric--and he died.] + +[Footnote 48: Biltong is dried beef. These people were new arrivals. +Mr. Van As and I often remarked to each other that one could readily +distinguish the new arrivals from the rest--the former always +appearing ruddy and in good health.] + +[Footnote 49: Baby Van As.] + +[Footnote 50: Which I practically stole.] + +[Footnote 51: Members of the Afgescheidene Kerk (Doppers) sing only +Psalms, never Hymns.] + +[Footnote 52: This was Mrs. Van der Berg--Lenie's mother.] + +[Footnote 53: Lenie van der Berg.] + +[Footnote 54: My brother packed a box of groceries for me, and my +mother bought a fresh supply of invalid food.] + +[Footnote 55: Merchant at Bloemfontein, to whom I had written for +groceries.] + +[Footnote 56: The two shops in Camp contained precious little, and no +foodstuffs.] + +[Footnote 57: Mr. Van As and Mr. Fourie were the contractors.] + +[Footnote 58: How well I remember this incident; how we hopefully +approached the Superintendent's tent; how he gave two little boxes; +and how he said, "That's the way you spoil them," as I myself +unpacked the bottle straw for the old man. (The bottle straw had to +be saved for his horse's bedding.)] + +[Footnote 59: I got permission first.] + +[Footnote 60: Literally from Dutch "spit afbijten"--bear the brunt.] + + + + +CHAP. III. + + +Tuesday, October 1.--Village whole morning; barber (at last); came +back wiser and sadder man; can safely stow away comb and brush for a +month; two packets of candles by piece of luck. Grand dinner; roast +mutton, rice, mealies, and canned quinces. May I never forget that +dish of gravy! + +Found goods from Champion had arrived; life again; pickles, jam, +"domel simmel" (golden syrup), cheese, and few pounds butter. + +Supper sumptuous; good spirits. + +Went through hospital wards. + +Young Joubert (20) dying; visited him twice; quite ready; waiting to +be taken; found mother at bedside. + +Old Mr. Plessis pleurisy; great agony; restless; fretful; fearful; +fear the worst; wonder if prepared to die? + +Straight to convalescent tent; reproaches; "Ach, minheer, het min dan +ver ons vergeet?" (O, sir, have you then forgotten us?); Psalm 103. + +Mrs. V.d.W. very, very bad; greatly comforted; beseeched me to come +again. + +In old ward also; some very sick; Mrs. Griesel, Mrs. De W., Mrs. +Steyn, Engelbrecht--all very low. + +Feel more and more to neglect hospital would be criminal. + +Then still two other women's wards, where had to read and pray and +speak word all round; and finally the children's ward; girlie very +bad. + +After rounds (seven wards) felt like king; happy; weary, yet withal +happy. + +And our camp? Total neglect. But will I ever here roll me snugly in +my blankets with the satisfaction that all the sick and suffering +have been visited? + +There have died up to September in our camp over 500. Appalling! + +Only one buried this afternoon (Mr. Becker); died in hospital. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, October 3.--No diary yesterday; listless to-day also; hot; +oppressive days; one just longs for day to end. Towards evening +(sunset) usually nice and cool, and wind goes down. + +What shall I write about? Diary becoming monotonous; too great a +sameness. Hospitals; visits; sick; dying; funerals; morose topic; +oppressive. + +Boer khaki in camp to-day. Result of visit, about a dozen have joined +forces of the English. Wonder if a worm wouldn't have more +self-respect! Such characters make themselves despicable and +contemptible in eyes of the English themselves. To us it brings +deep-down humiliation. Can a man sink so low? Enough. + +Two night ago some women and children cleared off--"for," said they, +"lest we starve here." + +Can a man (let alone a woman--breathe not of a child) remain healthy +and strong on bread, meat (miserable half-pound), coffee, and +condensed milk? And so, when a sickness comes there is nothing to +fall back upon--no resistance. And with a wasted constitution who can +battle against fever, pneumonia, and other things? + +And for those that grimly struggle through, there is nothing +wherewith to nourish and strengthen; no real milk; no eggs; wine; no +delicacies such as convalescents should be tempted with. About as +saddening sight as one can dream of is a peep into the children's +ward--poor wasted, withered little innocents! + +Mr. Otto buried eight this afternoon. + + * * * * * + +Friday, October 4.--Let me have a clean blank page for to-night in +honour of my new home! Here I sit in glorious solitude, actually in a +room! Four walls, four naked walls, but walls withal--stare down upon +me with their muddy countenances, and I have an idea that they smile +upon me in affection--four muddy brown smiles! + +And so my ideal has been realised; and I am proud possessor of a +house. Really word "house"[61] seems too inadequate, too +insignificant wherewith to name it. + +(Later)--Short joy; rudely awakened to sorrows of life; mother just +gone by weeping bitterly; went out and took her home to her tent; +daughter dying in hospital; Ferreira (admitted yesterday, fever). +This morning still conscious when I spoke to her, and when we read +and prayed together. And now? + +Have just returned hospital; father there; girl evidently dying; +fever 105; quite unconscious; strong, strapping girl of nineteen; +knelt by bed and prayed; nothing impossible with God; while there is +life there is hope. + +Will postpone description of house till another occasion; under this +cloud one's ink gets cloggy and one's pen listless. + +Spent morning in hospital, and after--little visiting. + +Funerals, five children; "Laat de kinderen" (Suffer the little +children). Mother fainted at grave; great consternation. + +Large laager troops close by. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, October 6.--No diary yesterday; spent morning at river[62]; +hour's walk; small party, seven; persuaded Mr. Fourie to join; wife +betterish. + +Forgot for the while there was such a thing as a camp, and in the +beauties, rugged and rude, of Nature able to enjoy life once more and +banish thoughts of sickness, hospitals, deaths, funerals, etc. The +grand old river! + +Returned early with Mr. F. and did few hours' visiting. + +To-day most busy and tiring day, as all Sundays are. + +Service at ten and again at three. + +Funerals at 5 p.m., four; after, prayer meeting. + +Luckily (!) weather threatening, so announced there would be no +meeting to-night; thankful in my soul. + +And now the gentle drops making music on my roof; really it is too +grand; one feels like living again to be in room where you can stand +upright all over. + +Miss Ferreira died last night; buried this afternoon; "Zalig zijn de +dooden die in den Heere sterven" (Blessed are the dead which die in +the Lord); large crowd at cemetery. + +But to think that so young and so strong a person should so suddenly +be called away; "Levende gaan zij de eeuwigheid binnen" (literally, +Living they enter eternity). + +Miss Van Tonder very, very low in hospital; cannot bear thought of +her perhaps dying; it will be too, too sad; so young, so good, so +patient. God only knows! + +Yesterday eight buried; mostly children. + +Let me rather fill pipe; get into bed, and listen to soothing rain +without. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, October 8.--Getting lazy with diary; effects of comforts of +house, no doubt. Just copied Dr. M.'s list of patients; total 150; +mostly in new camp; wonder how on earth am to find time to visit +these tents; and this is but one of the three doctors' lists! So +one's time is just made up with visits to sick, and for other work +there is no opportunity. One gets "daarom" (literally, therefore) a +bit hopeless with the amount of work. O for a few more to help! + +Hospital runs away with whole morning; and positively cannot neglect +that work, and then come the funerals every other day. + +Buried four children this afternoon; one girlie I often visited; "En +zij brachten kinderkens tot Jezus" (And they brought children to +Jesus). + +One cannot help smiling sometimes in midst of death; the comic +element will crop up everywhere and the sublime verges on the +ridiculous. Old Mrs. Griesel, delirious, "Ach, minheer, en moet ik +nou sterve en dit zonder eers een glas karren melk to kry?" (O, sir, +and must I die now, and that without one glass of buttermilk?); +wonder, wonder how many will get well in that fatal ward. Give Miss +Van Tonder up, also Mrs. Steyn and Mrs. Griesel--but! + +Four children struggling with Death just now; among these a tiny +little girl three years--the dearest, sweetest, little cherub +imaginable. It knocks one over completely to see mother kneeling +silently by bedside. There is pathetic element in the utter +helplessness of human love. How hard to witness suffering with a +breaking heart and to be--helpless! + +Our new hospital matron arrived; let us hope for better things +now.[63] + +Found old Englishman (Hockins) in hospital; chat and prayer in +English; my first in camp. + +Big load of boards arrived this morning; now there will be coffin +material again for a short season.[64] + +To-morrow afternoon is service, and nothing ready yet. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, October 10.--Sad and gloomy day. + +Early visit hospital, and on entering fatal ward saw the two empty +places--Mrs. Griesel and Miss Van Tonder. O, the sorrow, the bitter +sorrow, of it! Went to morgue tents and saw her again in death who +had suffered so long and patiently these last few weeks. Rest after +weariness--sweet rest at last. But where, O where, are our prayers? +May God save me from sin of unbelief and doubt during these days! + +"Nie pijn nie, Minheer L., maar net zoo gedaan" (No, no pain, Mr. L., +but only so weary). Thus, when I asked her on my last visit if she +had any pain. + +That tent too much for me now, and could not enter there to-day. God +forgive my neglect! + +Three others (children) also dead hospital. + +Went late last evening to tents in "infected area"; found three +children all very bad, and one boy struggling in Death's throes; poor +little chap; he is gone since, and we buried him this afternoon. + +Thirteen coffins; so sad, so painfully sad. May I never forget the +weeping crowd around the open graves! + +"En God zal alle tranen van hunne oogen afwisschen" (And God shall +wipe away all tears from their eyes); sang, "Voor eeuwig met den +Heere" (For ever with the Lord). And now, where are these dead? What +would I not give to have short minute's talk with that good young +girl! What would she tell me? We read together so often, prayed so +often, spoke about enternal things so often. And now! What now? How +good and wise of God to withhold from our knowledge some certain +things. + +Our life here on earth must be one of Faith and Hope. + +Feel so horribly low this evening. + +Visits in camp, before hospital; again before funerals; also after +funerals; but making no headway; hundreds of sick all about, and +hundreds who can never be visited. + +Great concern yesterday; officials want now to remove my tent[65], +and I positively cannot do without same; and with all this worry had +to prepare afternoon service; sudden inspiration and wonderful grace +to boot; "Komt herwaarts tot mij alien" (Come unto me all ye that +labour). + +Service of great comfort to own heart. + +Saw Superintendent this morning; inflexible; I am powerless because I +was given the roof. + +One has to stoop greatly during these days. + +It hurts, it humiliates, it chafes; and one needs extra grace. + + * * * * * + +Saturday Night, October 12.--Saw most distressing case yesterday; +Mrs. Herbst, 398; bare and empty tent; one bundle of things; one +small bundle wood; few cooking utensils, and on the floor a bed +(!)--couple bags as mattress and a few blankets. And there sat the +mother with hands clasped round her knee and a little girl beside +her; "En het jij dan nie ander goed nie?" (And have you no other +goods?) "Nee, Minheer, dit is al wat ik bezit; hulle het alles van +mij weggeneem" (No, sir, this is all I possess; they took everything +from me). + +"En waar is die ander kindje?" (And where is the other little one?) +"Minheer, hij is gister begrave" (Sir, he was buried yesterday). +Alone and cast-away; no friends; poverty-stricken. Such sights enough +to make one's heart freeze within. + +Called at hospital again before afternoon visits to find out tent +number of Nellie van Tonder's parents; no one could tell; so came +away determined to find tent all same; passed doctor; "Hullo, Padre, +forgot to tell you of very bad case 715; afraid you won't find child +alive though;" so hurried away to 715; and actually there found +myself in very tent I wanted to visit. But I was too late for the +child. Carried him away ten minutes before I came. Such is life! +"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions." + +Instead of having to comfort and cheer in their loss of loving +daughter, had to pray God for grace to bear a new and grievous burden +of grief. + +(Later)--Just returned hospital; a little girl moaning most pitiably, +so I went to see what was matter; admitted this afternoon. +Inflammation of stomach; fearful pain; such a dear, sweet little +thing (can hear her moaning just now). Talked to her this afternoon, +and asked her if she knew Who had made her sick? "Ja, Oom" (Yes, +uncle). "Wie dan, my kind?" (Who then, my child?) "Khaki Oom" (khaki +uncle). Collapse on my part. + +Six coffins this afternoon; "Heere, maak mij bekend mijne einde" +(Lord, make me to know mine end); great crowd; painful delay; one +grave too short; had to sing three long verses while it was being +lengthened. + +Talk of day--Doctor got knocked down in camp this afternoon. Have not +seen him whole afternoon; offending party marched to gaol; wonder +what the issue will be! + + * * * * * + +Sunday, October 13.--Glorious eventide. What grander than to sit +still at perfect rest after burden of a long and heavy day! What a +day to look back upon! I tremble when I think of what I am compelled +out of sheer compulsion to venture. Service this morning; "Deze zijn +het die uit de groote verdrukking komen" (These are they which come +out of great tribulation). This afternoon, "Hoe zou ik u overgeven, O +Efraim? U overleveren, O Israel?" (How shall I give thee up, Ephraim. +How shall I deliver thee, Israel?) + +"Scant and small the booty proved"--more's the pity! + +When will I find time to prepare myself decently? + +Anyhow, comfort myself with thought that if hearers knew (and no +doubt they do) how pressed I am for time, they will deal gently with +my scanty productions. For myself, whole subject very unsatisfactory +and unsatisfying. + +Immediately after service; funerals; Mr. Becker unable; seven or +eight, all children; huge crowd; splendid opportunity; "Gij dwaas +hetgeen gij zaait wordt niet levend tenzij dat het gestorven is" +(Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not quickened except it die). + + There is a Reaper whose name is Death, + Who with his sickle keen, + Cuts the bearded grain at a breath, + And the flowers that grow between. + +After funerals, girls' prayer meeting. + +Last and best of all--Service of Song, evening. Now what on earth can +be more beautiful than our meeting this evening? Such a crowd, and +such singing! Ten minutes, John iii., 16. And now the day is over. + +And the sick? And the hospital? All neglected; too pitiable to +contemplate. And Mrs. Grobelaar dying; when, two days ago, visited +her, said as I drew napkin from face, "Ach Minheer L., het min. dan +vir mij vergeet?" (O, Mr. L., have you then forgotten me?); she was +delirious most of day, but when I spoke to her she was quite +conscious. And how inwardly thankful when I prayed with her; poor +mother; her days on earth are numbered; both lungs gone. + +Little babe, Van Huyssteen, also dead this morning (mother shot on +their flight by English; babe pined away out of sheer lack of +nourishment). + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, October 16.--Getting lazy with diary; mindful of old Mark +Twain. + +Hear woman's voice calling "Ambulance! Ambulance! Ambulance! in 172 +moet een meisje weggedra wordt" (Ambulance! in 172 a little girl has +to be removed). Here go the bearers! + +172 is just thirty yards from 177, where I take meals, and next to +171 old Mrs. Van Straten, whom I regularly visit, and yet I know +absolutely nothing of this girl's sickness nor her death till this +very minute. Enough to make one discouraged. + +Of Monday's work can't remember much except that I found the "summum" +of misery and distress in 678, Pelser's; whole family down measles; +poverty; filth; baby ill at breast (died yesterday, buried this +afternoon); sent food, but made her promise faithfully that children +would be washed to-day. + +What horrible thing is dirt! Surely one of greatest gifts is to be +able to appreciate the "clean." + +Funerals again Monday; "Zalig zijn de dooden die in den Heere +sterven" (Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord); so many children +again. + +Visit old Mr. Du Toit on way home. + +Now am I positively dead![66] "Mijnheer, min. moet mij tog een ding +beloove; om als de oorlog verbij is, die preek van min. te laat druk +enz enz, Om te doen gedenken" (Sir, you must promise me one thing, to +publish your sermon on 'To bring to remembrance' when the war is +over). + +"Kan jij nou meer!"[67] Really now, after all there is nothing like a +good, long, square ear-to-ear grin in this world! + +Shall I deny, though, that there is just a wee drop of cheer and +comfort, huge as the joke is! + +Yesterday fellow who knocked down doctor returned; fined £5; and +since Saturday no one to do his lines[68]. + +Found 597 very bad; young girl (Kruger); wants to die. + +245, Mrs. Du Preez; great pain; died last night, buried this +afternoon. + +Two little children remain behind; saddening. + +Buried six this afternoon; "Ik ben verstomd, ik deed mynen mond niet +open, want Gij hebt het gedaan" (I was dumb. I opened not my mouth +because Thou didst it). Saw motherless boy and girl weeping at grave +(Mrs. Oliver, 107, 62, 50). + +In 62 the thinnest, skeletonest babe ever seen. How old and withered +up these little mites become! + +Asked Dr. M. visit 262, and try and get her admitted to hospital. + +Next morning actually--I repeat actually[69]--I found her there. Am +wonderfully thankful; now the old grandmother can take her rest; poor +old soul; so faithful; so willing, and so gentle always. One can +understand better such sayings as "Faithful unto Death" when you +watch those around sickbeds here in camp. + +Found in 167 young mother (babe); arm very bad; no friends; alone; +Mrs. Van Staden took mercy on her when she arrived ten days ago; all +relatives in Norval's Pont Camp. How could she get well here! + +Got doctor yesterday to give her note to headquarters, and this +afternoon, after repeated visits, at length succeeded in getting her +off to Norval's Pont; poor little soul; may she now find rest for her +weary, fainting heart. (Feel rather satisfied with myself when I +think of her (Mrs. Van Wyk) and Mrs. Grobbelaar!) + +Saw this afternoon most marvellous "en aandoenlijk" (touching) thing +in camp. + +Mrs. Jacobs, 721; little daughter was shot through stomach on their +flight from English, some three weeks ago, and the child lay 'twixt +life and death for days; now she is quite well again; too wonderful +for words; "Minheer, kijk hier!" (Sir, look here), and the mother +unrolled a little flannel vest before my eyes. The front part had two +cruel, ugly holes, one an inch, other almost two in length; the whole +was as though dipped in blood. Let me be dumb--words would be wicked! + +"Ja, minheer, die hempie zal ik bewaar als die grootste schat op +aarde, en aan mij kinders en kinds-kinders vermaak" (Yes, sir, this +little vest I shall cherish as the greatest treasure I have on earth, +and shall bequeath it to my children and children's children). + +Splendid meeting this evening; hearty singing; Joh. iii., 16, last +Sunday; to-night "Een iegelijk" (Whosoever). + +Service this afternoon; "De Heere is mijn herder" (The Lord is my +shepherd). + +Glad to be able to go through hospital again. + +Good news; quantity of things arrived this afternoon. At last! + + * * * * * + +Friday Night.--"Joy cometh in the morning," so it is written, and yet +it was grief and disappointment which came yesterday morning. One +case goods missing; and the very one which belongs to me personally. +After all these weeks of waiting--hard, hard luck! Never mind! Read +few days ago of remedy for "lowness of spirit," "neerslagtigheid" +(down-heartedness), "Think of the burdens of some individual you +know." Excellent! Now let me think of the sorrows of that unhappy +little mother, Mrs. Van Wyk, 167. When last wrote, she had left; but +yesterday morning she was sent back; papers not in order; and on +inquiries at office to-day was told point-blank (with a snub in the +bargain) that she could no more think of going. Such a life; had not +the heart to bear the news, for I heard she has been crying all +day--poor little castaway. Is there no pity? Feel like Kit Kennedy. +Would there were a bag of chaff somewhere near which I could pummel +soundly for half an hour, just to let off steam; just to pummel +something, seeing one cannot pummel somebody; it might ease the +strain. + +Why, this innocent creature, with bandaged arm and suckling at +breast, she couldn't hurt a fly if she tried; and yet, and yet all +this worry, all this endless trouble and disappointment, just to get +her from here to her mother in Norval's Pont--and now? Let me not +think on it! She will eat her heart away in sorrow, and no doubt soon +will be at rest in a bit room six feet by three. + +In hospital yesterday, found young girl (20), Henning's, dying; +enteric; so young; so strong; in flower of life; it seems too awful, +too contrary, "Levend zij den dood in" (Living they enter eternity); +and others again, little infants, will struggle and battle for life +for weeks and weeks, regular "Kannie doods" (Cannot dies, literally). +Great mystery! + +Mother at bedside; told me she said she was going to Jesus; "Ma, jij +het nou ver mij twintig jaar ge had en nou wil die Heere vir mij he" +(Mother, you have had me twenty years, and now the Lord wants me); +quite unconscious when we prayed; poor mother, the helplessness, +utter helplessness of Love! + +In other ward Mrs. Du Toit and Mrs. Grobbelaar very, very bad; saw +the worst, and prayed for them--and the end? End is this:--that this +afternoon we buried these three, and sang over open graves, "Ik +geloof een eeuw'ge leven" (I believe in life everlasting), "Ik ga +heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a place for you). + +I often marvel that never yet been at loss for suitable text to talk +about at graves. In beginning I used to have half-hour's quiet +before funerals to meditate; now my meditation comes off as we slowly +wind to the sacred acre; and yet there has always been "sufficient" +and "according to the need." + +Visited old Mrs. Dussels, mother of Mrs. Grobelaar--"zoo tevreden, +zoo stil, zoo olijmoedig, door God's genade" (So content, so quiet, +so glad, through God's grace). + +Village to-day; jam; autoharp tuned; roses; treat for supper; +"rooster koek (scones) and grape jam. + +After supper called to sick old man; old Mr. Hennings very, very +weak; words of cheer; prayer; wonder if I shall ever see him alive +again; don't think it; tent 8. + +N.B.--So all my brag of last day "nul en van geene waarde" (null and +void). + +Mrs. Grobelaar, dead and buried. + +Mrs. Van Wyk, "As you were." + +Moral:---- + + * * * * * + +Sunday, October 20.--The blessedness of eventide, the satisfaction +after long and hard day's work; delicious feeling of rest and +contentment; soothing is such solitude. + +Yesterday rather "offish" whole day; felt just as though "it wouldn't +come." + +Visited family of Afgescheiden people; sterling Christian old lady, +Mrs. Van der Heever. + +In so far am at rest now with regard Mrs. Van Wyk; with doctor's help +we have got her and baby safely lodged in hospital; some consolation +anyhow. + +In fever ward found Mrs. Olivier dying; fine, strong woman. How +cruel and relentless is Death; prayed at bedside; quite unconscious, +and passed away some minutes after. + +Very painful task yesterday, matter which has been awaiting +investigation some days already. Young girl of sixteen ran away to +River with view to getting into British lines. Bad character since +last year, when British entered Bethulie. Sent with mother to +Bloemfontein Camp on that account by military. Weeks ago she was +brought back from river, but refused to return to mother; found she +was staying with notorious villian E----, whose wife ill in +hospital.... + +Yesterday afternoon Mr. Becker, Elder du Toit, and self straight talk +with E----. But oh, what a blackguard he is, and how devilishly good +and obedient! Made himself out a second good Samaritan. + +Took her to mother; willing to forgive and receive her back, if she +is truly repentant and promises to remain and obey. And now? The +Lord only knows. Mr. Becker promised to call this afternoon; must +hold eye on her; must make her feel and know that we desire only her +welfare. Feel convinced that unless we get her converted to God +everything will be in vain. + +Hurried off to village; breakfast parsonage; return with magnificent +leg of mutton and salad; flowers. + +Church service soon after; fortunately could use sermon prepared for +last Wednesday afternoon, "Het leven is mij Christus, het sterven is +mij gewin" (For me to live is Christ, to die is gain). Splendid +congregation at both places. + +Visit Ottos; boy very, very bad; enteric; fear worst; prayer. + +After dinner, repose and preparation for afternoon service; restless +hour and half with no progress; 110 texts; no go, so in despair at +2.30 got up, and after bit prayer decided to preach to young people +on "En de Heere keerde zich om en zag Petrus aan" (And the Lord +turned and looked upon Peter); immense crowd; wonderfully helped. + +Funerals four; very large crowd; hundreds; splendid opportunity +again; "En de dooden werden geoordeeld naar hetgeen in de boeken +geschreven was" (And the dead were judged out of the things which +were written in the books). We are all busy, each with his own book, +and each day we add a page; but one day, like with these dead, we +come to our last page. What have we written? How do we write? When we +become God's children, God writes in letters of red--with Christ's +blood as ink--over the pages of sin we have till now written, +"Cleansed in Jesus's blood," and thence we write only to the glory of +God. And the little children we bury to-day--they too have their +little books completed, but I believe there was an angel to hold the +pen of each child, and that therefore their little books will be pure +before God. + +After funerals, girls' prayer meeting; very enjoyable gathering; +regulated prayers somewhat; first for our own special needs, second +and third for our camp--sick, weary, sorrowful, careless, +unconverted, hospital; fourth and fifth, relatives and friends far +away; Land en Volk. + +Tea, and at 7.15 our evening service of song (went to tea at 6.30, +people already going to service). + +Glorious singing, place inside and outside (?) simply packed; +reserved seats for nurses, who arrived few minutes late; "Prys den +Heere" (Praise the Lord) again; temptation too great; sudden +inspiration. + +"Wederzien" (God be with you) beautifully sung; also several +kinderharp; so hearty, so enjoyable; quarter-hour over time; +announced next meeting Tuesday night (D.V.). + +And now the day is over. + +Mr. Becker had huge crowd in lower church this afternoon while I had +young people. May God's Word not return to Him void! + +And now for a good old pipe, and a few good long thoughts of home, +dear ones, and friends. + +(This almost long enough for sermon, and needs only the Amen!) + + * * * * * + +Thursday, October 24.--Long break, four days gone by; but one day is +like the other except that on alternative days I take the funerals; +for the rest, each day is like preceding morning, noon, and +afternoon--sick! sick! sick! + +O for a change in my work! The continual cry is "Minheer, kom tog +hier" (Sir, please come here), "Minheer, gaat tog daar" (Sir, please +go there), and one grows so weary of scenes of suffering and sorrow; +always red and tear-stained eyes; always Love, helpless, hopeless, +impotent, despairing; always face to face with Decay, Change, Death; +always the same close, stifling, little tent. + +Such a life here as "leeraart" (chaplain) full of dull, oppressive, +burdensome, wearying, saddening hours. O the monotony, the horrible +monotony of my work. How welcome the hour of sunset! How blissful to +lay me down to sleep! Thank God for his unspeakable gift of +sleep--that period of forgetfulness, of rest, of void. + +And yet let me confess, can there be any work grander, more glorious, +than just this work of mine? How one can revel in it! The unspeakable +bliss of being able to ease the burdens of one's fellow-men--the +supreme honour of being able to be a blessing. Surely the purest +pleasure here on earth--to bear one another's burdens. + +To-day a grievous, burdensome day--full of worry and trouble. + +Found that my tent had been unceremoniously pulled down and removed +during my morning visit in camp. + +Hurried home to find things lying in dire confusion, and unprotected. + +"Ai, maar dit was ook genoeg om'n mens regtig moeilijk en nukkerig te +maak" (Ah, but it was enough to rouse and irritate a person). But +what an utter absence of the faintest traces of some respect and +deference. There are men whose cold-blooded brutishness and +irreverence knock one over completely. One's person, one's +profession, is no guarantee, no safeguard--nay, I verily believe some +glory and revel in the act of making a fellow-creature miserable. + +So I sent in my resignation on the spot. "The indignity which I had +suffered at the hands of the authorities makes it impossible for me +to continue in my office." + +And of course this made a mighty change, and there were explanations +and apologies, etc., and at 1 p.m. I had another tent, and my +resignation safe in drawer. + +May I never have occasion to undergo such a mental, internal struggle +again. One positively has need of extra grace each day, so much as +regular supply and so much extra. + +But now day is over and the turmoil is over. Thank God! + +Funerals four; "In het huis mijns vaders" (In my Father's house); +felt offish; visited old Thomas du Toit; fear he won't make it. + +Thence old Mr. Van der Merwe; dying. + +Too dead beat to go to Mrs. Van der Berg, who I believe is dying. + +Girlie 169 also in Death's throes; horrid, cruel, wicked fever. + +168, girlie, pneumonia; wishes to die. "Minheer, ik wil tog liever +bij Jezus wees, hier is dit al te zwaar" (Sir, I would much rather +be with Jesus; here it is too hard). + +Visited Mrs. Van der Walt, 184, who lost three children some weeks +(in twenty-four hours); also old Mr. Venter; alone; wife and two +daughters died few weeks ago; poor old fellow! what cup of suffering. + +At the graves spoke to mother, "Dit is nou mij zesde, minheer" (This +is now my sixth, sir). + +Several in hospital dead too. + +Very sorry about old Mr. Hockins (he had died); did not visit him +during last few days. + +Hospital removed to-day; right out of camp; great undertaking. Will +mean so much more time lost for me. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[Footnote 61: Size of this house (!), 10 feet by 7 feet; height, +7-1/2 feet.] + +[Footnote 62: The Orange River is an hour's walk from Camp.] + +[Footnote 63: This is no reflection upon the two nurses, Miss Rouvier +and Miss Roos, who had the management of the hospital. The arrival of +a new matron simply meant more help.] + +[Footnote 64: These boards were sold at 7s. 6d. a piece to the +people.] + +[Footnote 65: This room was built at my own expense, but I was +obliged to ask the Superintendent for six old sheets of galvanized +iron for the roof. When the building was finished, I was told, to my +dismay, that my tent would now have to be given up, as I had been +given a roof.] + +[Footnote 66: Exclamation of amusement--a literal translation from +the Dutch.] + +[Footnote 67: Literally again, Can you want more?] + +[Footnote 68: Two very sympathetic doctors came about ten days later. +One was Dr. Stuart, the other's name I do not remember.] + +[Footnote 69: This emphatic surprise because of the great dislike +that was usually shown to accept dying patients.] + + + + + +CONCLUSION. + +Here the Diary ends abruptly. + +The last entry is Thursday, the 24th October. + +I continued work until the Sunday following; but after the services +of the day I felt a little more than simply tired. On Monday, +however, the funerals had to be taken in the afternoon. That was the +last duty done in camp. Then I knew enteric was upon me, and on +Friday, the 1st November, they carried me into hospital. + +After more than a month in hospital, during convalescence (but while +mentally affected) I ran away to the Van As's. It was a case of +mental delusion. The whole issue of the war depended upon me--could I +be kept in hospital, then the English would win; was I allowed to +escape, the Boers would win. + +After ten days in camp again (for I was wisely left alone), it slowly +dawned upon me (while waiting for a permit to return home) that every +one had been bought over to conspire against me. So I left the camp +one evening after dark. Mr. Becker was the only man to be trusted, and +to the Beckers forthwith I fled. + +In another ten days my brother arrived to take me home. + +During these days of blank, my chief pastime was to recite the Burial +Service. + +When once home, complete recovery came speedily. + + + + +NOTE TO CONCLUSION. + +A.--Three subjects there were which, while writing the Diary, I +decided to treat fully later--"The Daily Funerals," "The Sanitation," +and "The Officials." This could be done from memory, and could well +stand aside while devoting my time to the daily experiences. + +There is, however, too much of the morbid in the Diary already +without wilfully adding more, so "The Daily Funerals" is let alone. + +The second will be too disgusting, so it must stand over too; and as +for "The Officials," two have since died (December, 1901--enteric), +and so that chapter as well may not be written. + +B.--One word more on the mortality of the Camp. Here is the official +record of the deaths:-- + +1901--May, June, July 47 + August 175 + September 236 + October 154 + November 236 + December 276 +1902--January-March 183 + ------- + Total 1,307 + +The Rev. Mr. Becker, however (who made a point of noting down the +exact number of deaths each day) gives 206, 246, 157 as the totals +for August, September, October respectively. The amended grand total +would then come to 1,351. + + + + +TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES: + +Variant spellings have been retained. In a few instances, punctuation and +spelling errors have been corrected. These are listed below. + +1) In Footnote 20, the original reads: "The flour given was good for the +bread was usually excellent." A comma has been added. + +2) In Chapter II, page 16; the original reads "A cenus taken lately". + +3) In Chapter II, page 39; the original reads "same +one I had long tallks with before". + +4) In Chapter II, page 49: the original reads "so had hrriedly to go". + +5) In Chapter II, page 52: the original reads "What one longs for is +possibility to have on day or afternoon off". + +6) In Footnote 51, the original reads: "... sing only Psalms. never +Hymns." A period has been replaced with a comma. + +7) In Chapter III, page 58: the original reads: "you won't find child +alive though;;". + +END OF TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Woman's Endurance, by A.D.L. + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WOMAN'S ENDURANCE *** + +***** This file should be named 16859-8.txt or 16859-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/8/5/16859/ + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Audrey Longhurst, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Woman's Endurance + +Author: August D. Luckhoff + +Release Date: October 12, 2005 [EBook #16859] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WOMAN'S ENDURANCE *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Audrey Longhurst, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + +<h1>Woman's Endurance.</h1> + + +<h3>BY A.D.L., B.A., CHAPLAIN IN THE CONCENTRATION CAMP, BETHULIE,</h3> +<h3>O.R.C., 1901.</h3> + + +<h5>CAPE TOWN: PRINTED BY S.A. NEWS CO., LTD., 1904.</h5> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h5><a name="To_THE_REV_HCJ_BECKER_OF_BETHULIE_ORC" id="To_THE_REV_HCJ_BECKER_OF_BETHULIE_ORC" />To THE REV. H.C.J. BECKER, OF BETHULIE, O.R.C.</h5> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h2>Table of Contents</h2> + + +<div> + <a href="#PREFACE"><b>PREFACE.</b></a><br /> + <a href="#INTRODUCTION"><b>INTRODUCTION.</b></a><br /> + <a href="#DIARY"><b>DIARY.</b></a><br /> + <a href="#CHAP_I"><b>CHAP. I.</b></a><br /> + <a href="#CHAP_II"><b>CHAP. II.</b></a><br /> + <a href="#CHAP_III"><b>CHAP. III.</b></a><br /> + <a href="#CONCLUSION"><b>CONCLUSION.</b></a><br /> + <a href="#NOTE_TO_CONCLUSION"><b>NOTE TO CONCLUSION.</b></a><br /> + </div> + +<p>[Transcriber's note: The original did not contain a table of contents. +It is added here for the reader's convenience.]</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div><a name="PREFACE" id="PREFACE"></a></div> +<h2>PREFACE.</h2> + + +<p><i>DEAR READER</i>,—</p> + +<p><i>A perusal of the following "Introduction" by the Author, and of his +true and touching "Diary," will assuredly carry the conviction into +your own soul, if you still require conviction, that our South +African women were the heroines of the late deplorable war.</i></p> + +<p><i>May this pathetic relation bring us all nearer to one another in +sympathy and love; and serve to awaken in every woman's breast the +desire to emulate and perpetuate the pure faith and noble devotion +which these Sisters of ours have handed down to us and to all +posterity as their priceless legacy.</i></p> + +<p><i>In undertaking the responsibility for the publication of this +"Diary," I may simply state that the proceeds will be given towards +the support of the Orphanage at Bethulie.</i></p> + +<p> +<i>Yours, etc.,</i><br /> +D. DE VILLIERS,<br /> +<i>Secretary, Boer Relief Committee</i>.<br /> +CAPE TOWN.<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION" ></a><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1" ></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2> + + +<p>This Journal was written in the Bethulie Concentration Camp just two +years ago.</p> + +<p>A few days after my return from Europe (whither I had gone for six +months on the completion of a Theological course at Stellenbosch), a +telegram came from the Deputy Administrator of the Orange River +Colony, through the Rev. Wm. Robertson, inviting me to work as +Chaplain in one of the Concentration Camps.</p> + +<p>The Rev. Mr. Pienaar, who had received a similar invitation, and I +therefore journeyed down to Bloemfontein a few days later. We +received great courtesy at the hands of Sir Hamilton Gould-Adams, the +Deputy Administrator, and every kindness from Mr. Robertson.</p> + +<p>In a few days it was finally decided that Mr. Pienaar should go to +Irene, in the Transvaal, and I to the Concentration Camp at Bethulie. +Thither I forthwith travelled, arriving at my destination on the 21st +August.</p> + +<p>The thought suggested itself the very first day that I might desire, +in after years, to recall my experiences in Camp, and so I decided to +keep a diary. This thought, and this alone, prompted me in the +matter. Of an evening, therefore, just before retiring, I noted down +the doings of the day, consulting at such times always my pocket +note-book.</p> + +<p>What was written was done hurriedly, on the impulse of the moment—in +fact, simply scribbled down without, of course, any regard to style, +language, or form. Stress of circumstances must be held responsible +for the many undignified expressions in which the Diary abounds. It +should not be forgotten, moreover, that I was usually tired out after +the day's work, when these entries were made.</p> + +<p>For almost a year the Diary lay in my desk before I could summon +courage to re-read it. After it had been hidden again for another +year, I rashly promised a sick friend to send it for her to read. +Fearing, however, that she would not be able to follow all the +contractions, I decided to copy it over, and it was while thus +engaged that it became clear to me that it should be <a name="Page_2" id="Page_2" />published. Cui +bono? is of course, the question which must be faced. The only answer +I wish to plead is that this work is a tribute to Woman's Endurance, +and that it presents in the story of that endurance, and the +fortitude of the Dutch women and children, one of the nobler aspects +of the late war. And is not this plea enough? Cannot we sometimes +forget the inevitable political aspect of things and see beyond into +the human?</p> + +<p>In conclusion, this: A diary is simply a confidential talk to one's +self of one's self—such is its prerogative. While, then, sending +forth into publicity this Journal in its entirety, so as not to mar +its integrity, need it be suggested how hard it is occasionally to +lay bare the naked soul within?</p> + +<p> +Durbanville,<br /> +Cape Colony,<br /> +September, 1903.<br /> +</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>NOTE.</p> + +<p>As reproduced here, the Diary is substantially the same as the +original, except for:—</p> + +<p>1. Contractions, which are written out.</p> + +<p>2. Slang, for which, where it could be done, inoffensive words are +substituted.</p> + +<p>In form it is given absolutely unchanged.</p> + +<p>I have found it necessary to add a number of notes, and to translate +all the Dutch.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="DIARY" id="DIARY" ></a><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3" />DIARY.</h2> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAP_I" id="CHAP_I" />CHAP. I.</h2> + + +<p>Bethulie Concentration Camp, August, 1901.</p> + +<p>Wednesday, August 21.—Arrived station 8.30 a.m. (from Bloemfontein); +tedious delay; no pass to village obtainable, official in village for +breakfast; number of refugees in same train, among them a sick girl, +with fever: "Pappie, Pappie, ach mij ou Pappie!" ("Daddy, daddy! O my +dear daddy!" Thus she cried whenever she was touched, as they carried +her out of the train, and lifted her on to the wagon. She was +fever-stricken and terribly emaciated. (Reference is made later to +this same girl.) Alas! Arrival village; visit parsonage (Becker's); +dinner; things forwarded per wagon; arrival camp (mile out); meet +superintendent; given a tent; dust; misery; the Van As's offer me a +home; kind; bitter cold night; leakage; bad draught; bad cold; feel +lonesome; orphanish; pipe to rescue; great consolation.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, August 22.—My tent untenable position; in the +thoroughfare; speak Superintendent; obtain new site; private; buy 150 +bricks 1s. 6d., hire three boys, barrow 1s. 3d.; with miershoop +(antheap, excellent for making floor) make brick kraal; hard work; +Mr. Van As<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> and Fourie grand; fine floor.</p> + +<p>First visits: Young girl, orphan, bad; Weinanda, little girl, "Ja +Oom, ik is nou bij mij Mamie" ("Yes, Uncle, now I am with my +mother"); mind wanders. Third tent: Two babies wrestling with death; +mothers raadeloos (in despair); 486<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a>, wife, babe at breast, +measles; daughter, 14, convalescent; behind screen three children +sick, measles; condition pitiable; husband prisoner Ladismith; great +dirt; unbearable; the pity of it!</p> + +<p>Pitch tent; wet floor; inside dire confusion.</p> + +<p>Meeting Church-square thirty-nine elders<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a>; each a block; prayer; +introduction Rev. Becker; kind words and cheer.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4" />Early bed; restless night; hospital close by; commotion; groans; +fifteen buried to-day; service for Mr. Van As.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Friday, August 23.—Early bird; wash spruit<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a>; first shave (tears); +Van As coffee; pathetic sight; old man leading old wife back to tent +from hospital; Hugo; son just died.</p> + +<p>Visit Hugo's; dinner Van As; outspan (rest); cigar grand.</p> + +<p>Unpack; three Red Cross boxes (gift of the chemist); order out of +chaos; spirits revive; visits 2.5 p.m.</p> + +<p>Dying child; mother broken-hearted.</p> + +<p>Dying mother; clear doorway; deathbed grim attraction for our people; +prayer; understands.</p> + +<p>Widow; husband found dead outside in night; heart disease.</p> + +<p>Sick child (since dead); sick child; sweet face; Louw.</p> + +<p>Visit sick child of yesterday, also Weinanda.</p> + +<p>Stray; hear cough; enter; father invalid (wife dead); three sick +children; youngest very bad.</p> + +<p>Comfort mother of dead child.</p> + +<p>Funerals (seven), Mr. Becker: "I was dumb and opened not my mouth."</p> + +<p>Burial ground; about 120 graves; weeping mothers; visit dying child; +fool of myself, broke down in prayer; the helplessness in presence of +Death!</p> + +<p>Throat hoarse; dead off; return tent; meditate; convinced this work +the very hardest in whole world.</p> + +<p>Avoid taking guide next time (handicapped).</p> + +<p>Neglected to visit 486 and mothers of yesterday's dying children.</p> + +<p>Stienie<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a>; down measles; jelly.</p> + +<p>Mr. Otto's dear loving daughter<a name="FNanchor_6_6" id="FNanchor_6_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a> died hospital.</p> + +<p>Fourteen corpses (in morgue tents).</p> + +<p>Very many old friends all about of Papa's and Oom Jacob's<a name="FNanchor_7_7" id="FNanchor_7_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a>.</p> + +<p>One man disappointed; had expected Oom Jacob.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5" />Night: Strains of Psalm-singing; calm and fresh after shower of +rain; follow ear; Snyman; short conversation.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Saturday, August 24.—Evening: Coughing; wailing; crying; groaning.</p> + +<p>Exhausting day; pure, clear air after refreshing rain.</p> + +<p>The misery in our Camp heart-rending; hopeless to cope with work.</p> + +<p>Up early; coffee in hospital kitchen; work.</p> + +<p>235a; six orphans; baby; dirt; sad!</p> + +<p>241; mother died to-day suddenly.</p> + +<p>239; boy 12, Ignatius; malignant growth shoulder; hopeless; pining +away.</p> + +<p>249; child; measles.</p> + +<p>468; Venter; motherless infants; all sick; food scarce; despair; +powerful grandmother (arms!); daughter; all measles; "Ziet, minheer, +die dochter is nog'n lady: sij is nie getrouwd nie" ('This daughter, +sir, is still a lady; she is not yet married'); Bengers; beef tea.<a name="FNanchor_8_8" id="FNanchor_8_8"></a><a href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a></p> + +<p>485; Van Heerde; mother and tentful of sick children; pitiable; +camphor; brandy.</p> + +<p>487; Engelbrecht; Mrs. P. de Lint<a name="FNanchor_9_9" id="FNanchor_9_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a>; wonderful discovery; yet withal +sad; father India; children ill; wife broken-hearted; great +rejoicing; thanksgiving for change.</p> + +<p>321; Old Mr. De Villiers, grand old man; great cheer to myself.</p> + +<p>268; Mrs. De Villiers; five children sick.</p> + +<p>383; mother died last week; daughter this morning; "Minheer, dit was +de prachtigste sterfbed wat ik ooit gezien het" ('Sir, it was the +most beautiful deathbed I have ever seen'); "Dag, tante, ik gaat naar +die Heere Jesus toe" ('Good-bye, Aunt, I am going to the Lord +Jesus'); remaining daughter very, very bad; "Minheer, moet assemblief +bid dat ik kan gezond word" ('Sir, you must pray, please, that I may +recover'); little hope; inflammation.</p> + +<p>292; Van der Berg; wife died last night.</p> + +<p>81; casual visit; Mrs. Van Staden; Mrs. Otto; sick children.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6" />80; Mrs. Van der Merwe died to-day; old lady, Mrs. Pienaar, ill in +bed; when I repeated some verses Gezang 65<a name="FNanchor_10_10" id="FNanchor_10_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor">[10]</a>, old lady forestalled +me line for line.</p> + +<p>612; "Ach mij lieve ou Pappie"; better.</p> + +<p>Five hours' incessant work; wearisome; thank God when twilight comes.</p> + +<p>Work here for ten men; no chance alone; no show; the helplessness of +it all! and there are hundreds sick and dying that I know not of, and +that I could not visit even should I know.</p> + +<p>My brothers-elders must help me more.</p> + +<p>Had I not seen body of 80 removed I should never have known.</p> + +<p>Funerals this morning; twelve; rude coffins; rough and ready biers +(six); young Hugo; "Gelijk een bloem des velds" ("As for man his days +are as grass; as a flower of the field so he flourisheth")<a name="FNanchor_11_11" id="FNanchor_11_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a></p> + +<p>Visit Mrs. Liebenberg, whose girlie was buried; prostrate; never saw +glimpse of Mr. Becker.</p> + +<p>Great concern because of the difficulty of cleanliness amid such dire +straits; point determined; to warn and exhort one and all to the +strictest cleanliness<a name="FNanchor_12_12" id="FNanchor_12_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a>; for "cleanliness is next to godliness."</p> + +<p>Saw long convoy travelling past.</p> + +<p>Eighteen corpses in morgue tents.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Sunday, August 25.—Longish day.</p> + +<p>235a; six orphans<a name="FNanchor_13_13" id="FNanchor_13_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor">[13]</a>; nice and clean; very satisfactory; boy bad.</p> + +<p>383; still same; poor girl.</p> + +<p>113; death; child; much misery; Olivier.</p> + +<p>Church 1.30; open air; glorious weather; attentive congregation; +singing impressive; majority stand; grand pulpit(!); regular rostrum.</p> + +<p>Afternoon work begins 2 p.m., ends 7 p.m.; incessant, wearying.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7" />Twenty-eight visits.</p> + +<p>Our Camp one large hospital, with hundreds wrestling with measles, +pneumonia, fever. The sorrow of it that I never can sit down and say, +"Now I have visited all the sick." There are hundreds of whom I know +nothing.</p> + +<p>Horrible whistle that! It signals the morgue tent people to come and +remove the dead. It is Death's shrill, harsh, jarring, triumphant +shout! It shivers one through.</p> + +<p>176; great misery.</p> + +<p>235b; child died; food needed.</p> + +<p>375; dead child.</p> + +<p>175; a most harrowing spectacle; Badenhorst; old father; old mother; +bedridden 15-year-old boy; water head; simple; old mother feeds it +mouth to mouth<a name="FNanchor_14_14" id="FNanchor_14_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a>; "Die kind, leeraart, het ik nou al lang afgege +aan de Heere Jesus!" (This child, Pastor, I have given to the Lord +Jesus long ago.") She dotes on this imbecile, poor mother. Such a +simple, homely, gladsome, believing old heart. "Ik ben velen een +wonder geweest" ("I am a wonder unto many"); me certainly; daughter +with sick girlie; "De Heere het haar ver ons terug gege" ("The Lord +has given her back to us"); there was a fire in their tent, and this +young mother was badly burnt to the bone (wrist).</p> + +<p>169; Heever; four children; all sick.</p> + +<p>450; great distress; Du Toit; child sick; no nourishment; young +mother sick; only child dead.</p> + +<p>526; De Wet; daughter delirious; dying; two others sick on the floor; +pathetic.</p> + +<p>372; Kotze; baby dying; two others sick; great friends Oom Jacob.</p> + +<p>156; Joubert (or Ackerman); daughter; floor; dying; measles and +pneumonia.</p> + +<p>15; Barnard; two daughters; one dangerously sick; poor anxious +mother! While hurrying to relieve with some beef tea and Benger's +Food stopped on way by desperate mother.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8" />471; Marais; eight children; all sick; no nourishment; two very bad. +To think of it!</p> + +<p>After tea called to 235; orphans; boy very bad; sisters' tears.</p> + +<p>Also 211; Roux; daughter; pneumonia.</p> + +<p>Again 383; much drawn to that child; large, soft, trustful brown +eyes; asked yesterday that I pray she might get well; to-day +otherwise; trusting.</p> + +<p>Distributed beef tea and Benger's food to some very urgent cases; the +thankfulness melts one's heart.</p> + +<p>Funerals; fourteen.</p> + +<p>Found on getting home plate food on box; enjoyed same at tea; great +cheer to be with the Van As's.</p> + +<p>Closed Sunday School; children sing "Dat's Heeren Zegen!" ("The +blessing of the Lord descend on thee.")</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Monday, August 26.—That imbecile boy died to-day; the old mother +sent for me, but I found no time to go.</p> + +<p>Don't think 526 will last long; gave candles, beef tea and Benger's +Food this evening.</p> + +<p>383 much better; smiled this morning when I entered.</p> + +<p>339; great tribulation; six deaths in one week.</p> + +<p>440; girlie; sweet face; wonder if she will die or live; very, very +bad; Cloete.</p> + +<p>288; Mrs. Venter; young wife; sick; five children sick; gave beef tea +and Benger's Food.</p> + +<p>352; the lost little lamb found; one of my first, whose number I had +omitted to take; Weinanda; five years; pining away; large grey eyes; +far-away look; poor little mite; Ken jij ver mij, me kind?" (Do you +still remember me, child?") "Ja, Oom; Oom is de Predikant" ("Yes, +Uncle; Uncle is the Minister"). "Is Weinanda blij dat Oom weer gekom +het?" ("Is Weinanda glad that Uncle has come again?") "Ja, Oom; Oom +is goed om te kom" ("Yes, Uncle; it was good of Uncle to come") +Wonder if I really am rather soft; but when this little mite clasped +her tiny hands together when Oom began to pray, I was bowled clean +over.</p> + +<p>35, 156, 15 rather better.</p> + +<p>At 34 found old friends of Oom Jacob; Wernich; the old woman weak; +very nice to meet so many great friends of Oom Jacob and of Papa from +Colesberg; old Mr. Du Plessis can't get over it.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9" />Wasted much time at weekly meeting of the Elders; impatient; each +Elder has block of sixteen tents to care for; heard reports; nearly +all report general sickness. The amount of sickness just now is +terrible; a vast hospital; the bitter cold nights play havoc; most +lie on the hard bare ground.</p> + +<p>Fighting grimly with uncleanliness; the idea that it is dangerous to +wash with measles; rot!</p> + +<p>Another great point; must insist that friends and relatives abstain +from all long-faced despondency, with total absence of any cheer and +hopefulness; this bad effect on patients; if anyone seriously ill, +they "hands up" and cluster around to await the end, lest perchance +they miss seeing "zoo 'n prachtige sterfbed" (such a beautiful +deathbed).</p> + +<p>Mrs. Botha (outer Camp) sent for me; penitent; wonder if it is only +the fear that drives her, or whether it is a genuine case of true +repentance; she has measles badly.</p> + +<p>91; mother sick; five children (and one in hospital).</p> + +<p>Sad about 398; buried two children this afternoon; this is the third; +mother also dead; husband sick; glad I found time to see him; poor +fellow.</p> + +<p>458; great distress; old grandmother; sick mother; sick children; no +nourishment; no candles; very helpless; Benger's Food, beef tea, and +candles.</p> + +<p>Made only about twenty-two visits to-day.</p> + +<p>Relieved Mr. Becker funeral service; seven this afternoon; had no +time to prepare; reckless; got through somehow; "Het wordt gezaaid in +verderfelijkheid, het wordt opgewekt in onverderfelijkheid" (It is +sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption).</p> + +<p>"Ja, leeraar, hier in ons Kamp wordt daar nie droppels tranen gestort +nie maar emmers vol" ("Yes, Pastor, here in our Camp it is not drops +but bucketsful of tears that are shed").</p> + +<p>There are about a dozen corpses in morgue tents just now.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Tuesday, August 27.—The blessedness of eventide.</p> + +<p>Letters from Issie and Louise; seem to have forgotten for a brief +space the sorrows around.</p> + +<p>Record day so far; visited thirty-five tents; very hard task. It is +so delightful to offer up a thanksgiving prayer for a change; the +usual "noodgebed" (emergency prayer) is most wearying. Thank God, +that in some I found "beterschap" (convalescence).</p> + +<p><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10" />Am striking out in new direction now; there is too much despondency +and heaviness of spirit rampant; anyhow, extremely difficult task, +for the conditions all around are most lamentably depressing.</p> + +<p>Am going to sew blankets into bag this evening, a la Hanglip<a name="FNanchor_15_15" id="FNanchor_15_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a>; +last night bitterly cold; frost this morning; to-day very hot again; +these two extremes so disastrous to the sick.</p> + +<p>440 little better, and 383 much better.</p> + +<p>190; Mrs. Taljard died last night.</p> + +<p>Deaths at 201, 312, and 460 also; and all these had never yet been +visited. Here is where the dissatisfaction comes in; and yet, how am +I to know?</p> + +<p>In 436 a child died; mother in great sorrow.</p> + +<p>Next to 416 is Mrs. Van der Walt; very sick; not at all serene +within; such cases very hard. While at dinner suddenly called to Mrs. +Van der Walt—death's throes; prayer; when at dinner, on return, +heard the horrible whistle go.</p> + +<p>Our wood is done, and there remains nothing wherewith to make +coffins; will have to bury in blankets to-morrow I fear; this will +cause extra affliction and unhappiness. Pitiable to see husband of +Mrs. Van der Walt pleading for boxes which could not be given; and he +was "schatryk" (very rich) they say. There will be a great outcry, +I'm afraid. And yet, after all, will a coffin save the soul?</p> + +<p>After dinner, 169; baby died; mother sorely stricken.</p> + +<p>Visited old mother in 25 again, and spoke few words of cheer; she is +an old Christian; blessed me for coming.</p> + +<p>In luck's way to-day; felt inclined for handwash, and was taken into +tent 335; Horak's; relations of old Jaap's<a name="FNanchor_16_16" id="FNanchor_16_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a>; nice, clean, tidy; +delighted; happiness; mother; daughter; autoharp; lemon syrup; must +go again if I can.</p> + +<p>"Wie is daar? Wat is dit?" ("Who is there? What is it?")</p> + +<p>"Zal Minheer L—— assemblief gou kom naar Mrs. Meintjes? Zij le op +sterve!" ("Will Mr. L—— please come quickly to Mrs. Meintjes? She is +dying!")</p> + +<p>Just returned; delirious; called her by name after prayer, and she +became conscious for a few seconds; fear her moments on earth are +numbered. How good of those girls to watch over her! Husband rushed +out of tent in tears. Now, what could I do?</p> + +<p>"<a name="Page_11" id="Page_11" />Is there no pity sitting in the clouds can see into the bottom of +our grief?"</p> + +<p>10 p.m., walked through Camp.</p> + +<p>Great coughs; little coughs; deep coughs; shrill coughs; hoarse +coughs; long coughs; short coughs; coughs that are no coughs at all. +Wonder how many are to die to-night!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Wednesday, August 28.—Now if there is anything that rubs me up the +wrong way, it is to see a crowd around a tent doorway, watching the +end. Yesterday I lost my temper at 35, and gave it hot all round. +Such barefaced curiosity is revolting; I hate it.</p> + +<p>Yes, 35 (21 years) passed away last night, and so did 415 (Mrs. +Meintjes), whom I visited late last evening.</p> + +<p>This morning the black list was laid on my table; twelve<a name="FNanchor_17_17" id="FNanchor_17_17"></a><a href="#Footnote_17_17" class="fnanchor">[17]</a> in the +night—339, 415, 125, 253, 180, 526, 419, 35, 353, 450, I didn't +expect 415 to live long.</p> + +<p>The night has been a most restless one; "Ja, minheer, ons het +vannacht nie rust gehad nie" ("Yes, sir, we had no rest last night") +(morgue tents men).</p> + +<p>I woke at 2 a.m. with the tramp of these bearers removing +corpses<a name="FNanchor_18_18" id="FNanchor_18_18"></a><a href="#Footnote_18_18" class="fnanchor">[18]</a>.</p> + +<p>One longs for day, and the night seems never to end.</p> + +<p>Twice funerals—morning at 11 a.m. (six), "Leer ons alzoo onze dagen +tellen" ("So teach us to number our days"); afternoon, 4 p.m. (six), +"En de dooden werden geoordeeld uit hetgeen in de boeken geschreven +was, naar hunne werken" ("And the dead were judged out of those +things which were written in the books, according to their works").</p> + +<p>Our wood has given in, and we are forced to bury in blankets. But let +me not think on it! It is painful to remember, and our people feel +very deeply.</p> + +<p>The Van der Walts managed to put together an apology for a coffin, +and there was something pathetically comic about that production. I +think it was made of candle and milk boxes.</p> + +<p>That reminds me, what queer pastimes some folks can have. One man +casually informed me that he attends all the funerals! But some folks +unconsciously delight to wander in the sombre shadows of life. A +funeral to me is a most fatiguing duty; more so when one has to give +an address at the graves, and there is no time for preparation except +on the march to the burying ground. I am getting reckless, for I am +forced absolutely to rely on impromptu grace. I tremble, when I think +what I risk each day.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12" />Visits only a dozen, owing to funerals.</p> + +<p>Sad about 91; very bad.</p> + +<p>599, 602, 606, 16, 238, 327, all new tents, with great affliction; +must go soon again.</p> + +<p>Called to 117; Nel; young wife; just received tidings of her +husband's death in Ceylon; desperately stricken; hard, hard case.</p> + +<p>Called to hospital; Annie Bothma<a name="FNanchor_19_19" id="FNanchor_19_19"></a><a href="#Footnote_19_19" class="fnanchor">[19]</a>; strong young girl (twenty); +very bad; just struggling to live; mother holding hand. Foeitog! +(alas!) So well and strong; horrid pneumonia; have visited her again, +and cannot get reconciled that she should die. And yet she yearns to +be "ontbonden" (loosed), and begs of me to pray to that effect. Now, +God forgive me, but this dying girl's request I cannot, cannot accede +to. Humanly speaking, she simply cannot live; it is only her +abnormally strong constitution that fights so grimly. I have wrestled +with God for her life. Oh, she must not, may not, die! Think of the +weak, frail mother—of the father far, far away in Ceylon! "O ye of +little faith"; and yet I firmly believe God can still spare her life.</p> + +<p>Yesterday, row about the miserable meat<a name="FNanchor_20_20" id="FNanchor_20_20"></a><a href="#Footnote_20_20" class="fnanchor">[20]</a>. Some women rather +violent and loose with tongue; to-day committed to imprisonment. +Yesterday my letters were returned by the Censor. I boiled over for +some time; such a little snob, who is too big for his boots! +Pinpricks; will fight it out to-morrow.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, August 29.—Went back to hospital after writing above, and +then I did indeed pray as the sick girl desired. God took her home at +about two this morning. Poor child! she did suffer so very much, and +yet withal so patiently; "Die doctor het mij gif ingespuyt en gif +ingege daarom lei ik zoo zwaar" ("The doctor injected poison into me, +and gave me to take poison; that is why I suffer so bitterly"); very +likely morphia had to be injected. Whenever I repeated a verse to her +she would say the lines in advance.</p> + +<p>After breakfast I went to village for first time; saw Magistrate; +obtained residential pass; hunted high and low for boards for coffin +for Annie Bothma. At last, after despairing search, succeeded in +getting six boards and two boxes; hope they will be enough wherewith +to fashion some sort of a coffin.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13" />Dined with the Beckers.</p> + +<p>Deaths last night—8, 129, 401, 52, 427, 213, 239, and one in +hospital.</p> + +<p>Very trying afternoon among the dying.</p> + +<p>One woman just giving her last breath when I entered to pray for her; +lamentation. Roaring lion, because of the crowd of inquisitives; +stood at doorway and addressed them; said I was ashamed of their +conduct; boiled over. Simply will not stand such things; and yet such +things are inevitable with a camp of 650<a name="FNanchor_21_21" id="FNanchor_21_21"></a><a href="#Footnote_21_21" class="fnanchor">[21]</a> tents all crowded +together; with hundreds swarming all over, and countless children. Am +going to put a stop to children visiting morgue tents<a name="FNanchor_22_22" id="FNanchor_22_22"></a><a href="#Footnote_22_22" class="fnanchor">[22]</a>; should not +be allowed; will see Superintendent to-morrow.</p> + +<p>91 very bad.</p> + +<p>I usually make a last round after the day's work to take Benger's +Food and beef tea, etc., to urgent cases. When I got to 268, found +she had died soon after my visit.</p> + +<p>Have written to Issie and Mr. Robertson.</p> + +<p>Wonder how long my things will last, and what I shall do after that.</p> + +<p>Dead tired.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Friday, August 30.—Village; morning visits.</p> + +<p>Found 91 died in night.</p> + +<p>Dropped in to speak few words to old woman in 25; don't think she +will last very long.</p> + +<p>79; boy sick; relapse; Van der Berg; baby died yesterday</p> + +<p>Mrs. Castelan lies sick in 76; husband Bloemfontein Camp; three +children sick; also daughter just out of hospital (1-1/4 months).</p> + +<p><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14" />Called in at 217; Du Preez; very nice, clean people; daughter very +sick; pneumonia; found her very much distressed, and that because the +thought of being buried without coffin was so repulsive; "Net sous +een beest" (just like an animal). We must not anticipate God!</p> + +<p>Am much distressed that 383, who was getting well so nicely, and who +smiled when I looked in yesterday, has died.</p> + +<p>Mother died few weeks ago, and sister few days ago.</p> + +<p>Near the coalfields<a name="FNanchor_23_23" id="FNanchor_23_23"></a><a href="#Footnote_23_23" class="fnanchor">[23]</a> I was called to see Mrs. Van der Walt; 191; +heart bad; most desperately anxious to be taken "home," and quite +ready too; wonder if she will live through the night!</p> + +<p>When a person decides and is determined to die, the chances at +recovery are very poor indeed.</p> + +<p>Mr. Otto called and asked me to take prayer meeting 2 p.m. "En Samuel +bad den Heere" (And Samuel prayed unto the Lord).</p> + +<p>Then came the inevitable funerals, ten, among others Annie Botha. Oh, +the sorrow of it! the sorrow of it! Nothing is more regular than that +dreary procession every afternoon at four o'clock.</p> + +<p>Several in blankets; "Ik ben verstomd, ik deed mynen mond niet open, +want gij hebt het gedaan" (I was dumb, I opened not my mouth because +thou didst it).</p> + +<p>Met old Tollie's<a name="FNanchor_24_24" id="FNanchor_24_24"></a><a href="#Footnote_24_24" class="fnanchor">[24]</a> brother; rejoiced.</p> + +<p>Found sick orphan girl I visited first day; much better.</p> + +<p>Nice dinner; nice supper; "vet schaapie en vet ou bokkie" (fat lamb, +fat little goat), which we bought.</p> + +<p>Wonder what I would have done were the Van As's not here; so happy +with them; everyone always so cheerful<a name="FNanchor_25_25" id="FNanchor_25_25"></a><a href="#Footnote_25_25" class="fnanchor">[25]</a>.</p> + +<p>At tea called to pray with dying little girl; went immediately, and +found tent full of weeping and wailing women; the little girl was in +death's throes; short prayer, and when I finished her spirit had +fled; mother frantic; hard, very hard to know how best to comfort. A +woman is a wonderful network of cross-wires, and <a name="Page_15" id="Page_15" />when these wires +get unstrung or entangled, the result is most distressing. In +presence of such, one feels hopelessly lost, and all one can do is +to—walk away. And yet, for downright, dogged perseverance—for +silent, struggling endurance—for quiet, patient suffering—commend +me to a woman. What would become of Man without the Woman!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Saturday, August 31.—Glum; just returned from dying boy, Herklaas; +young, strong; father Ceylon; visited him yesterday; said he did not +want to die because his father was away, and he had to care for the +mother. Touched late last night, and found him very bad; went down +again with doctor<a name="FNanchor_26_26" id="FNanchor_26_26"></a><a href="#Footnote_26_26" class="fnanchor">[26]</a>; this morning he was better, but this afternoon +worse, and now (10 p.m.) I find him dying. I am very, very +down-hearted to-night, and am tempted to think that, after all, +God—No! I won't write it, because I believe this is a temptation of +Satan! But oh! we did pray so fervently that God should spare his +life; he is still so young and so strong. Found some more inquisitive +onlookers. Some folks will put themselves to endless inconvenience to +be able to witness a deathbed. They revel in it. I am vexed in my +soul, and feel as though I could knock down everyone of them.</p> + +<p>Funerals twice to-day.</p> + +<p>This morning I buried seven; "Het wordt snellijk afgesneden" (For it +is soon cut off).</p> + +<p>This afternoon Mr. Becker buried six.</p> + +<p>There were twenty corpses in morgue tents this morning.</p> + +<p>This afternoon a column struck camp half a mile north of our Camp.</p> + +<p>To-morrow is Sunday; I am quite unprepared, and must hold two +services.</p> + +<p>Walked through Camp this evening (10 p.m.); found several women busy +round fire; all to warm "pap" (poultice) for sick children. Pneumonia +is playing havoc.</p> + +<p>Better stop; feeling tootoo to-night; and besides, my two letters +have again been returned by the Censor, and I am too cross for +anything.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16" /> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Mr. Van As and Mr. Fourie laid out the floor for my +tent, and encircled it with a 9-inch wall.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> Each tent was numbered.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> Not real church elders; each, however, had a block of +tents under his care.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> Stream between Camp and village; it only had running +water, though, after rain.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> Mr. Van As's eldest daughter.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_6_6" id="Footnote_6_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_6_6"><span class="label">[6]</span></a> Sannie Otto was the bosom friend of Sarah van As. Sarah +has since died.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7_7" id="Footnote_7_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_7_7"><span class="label">[7]</span></a> My father was for many years minister at Colesberg, and +my uncle again at Fauresmith.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_8_8" id="Footnote_8_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_8_8"><span class="label">[8]</span></a> Some friends at Durbanville subscribed about £20, with +which I had bought some invalid food, to take down with me from Cape +Town (beef tea, Benger's Food, jelly, arrowroot, dozen bottles of +port). While visiting the sick I noted down the most distressing +cases, and after the day's work I made a final round to these tents +with some of this invalid food.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_9_9" id="Footnote_9_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_9_9"><span class="label">[9]</span></a> Pieter de Lint, an old College friend.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_10_10" id="Footnote_10_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_10_10"><span class="label">[10]</span></a> Our Hymnary is divided into Psalms and Evangelical +hymns (Psalmen en Gezangen).</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_11_11" id="Footnote_11_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_11_11"><span class="label">[11]</span></a> I decided to note down always in diary my text for the +address at the gravesides. Our people expect the pastor to give an +address before reading the Burial Service.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_12_12" id="Footnote_12_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_12_12"><span class="label">[12]</span></a> What with water to be carried, rations to be fetched, +wood to be brought and chopped, food to be cooked (in the open), +bread to be baked, washing to be done (not to speak of the menial +sanitary duties), it was indeed hard for a mother (herself perhaps +weak), with a number of sick children, to keep her tent clean.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_13_13" id="Footnote_13_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_13_13"><span class="label">[13]</span></a> Van Huysteens. The mother was shot while they were +fleeing before the English. There was a babe of five months.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_14_14" id="Footnote_14_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_14_14"><span class="label">[14]</span></a> As a pigeon feeds its young.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_15_15" id="Footnote_15_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_15_15"><span class="label">[15]</span></a> Where I have often camped out.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_16_16" id="Footnote_16_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_16_16"><span class="label">[16]</span></a> College chum.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_17_17" id="Footnote_17_17"></a><a href="#FNanchor_17_17"><span class="label">[17]</span></a> The twelfth was probably in hospital.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_18_18" id="Footnote_18_18"></a><a href="#FNanchor_18_18"><span class="label">[18]</span></a> When removing the dead from a certain section of the +Camp, the bearers had to pass my tent.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_19_19" id="Footnote_19_19"></a><a href="#FNanchor_19_19"><span class="label">[19]</span></a> She was a probationer.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_20_20" id="Footnote_20_20"></a><a href="#FNanchor_20_20"><span class="label">[20]</span></a> The women, brandishing the meat ration on high, +literally laid siege to the official tent. The meat supplied was +miserably lean, quite unfit for consumption. I myself wouldn't have +given it to a dog. When thrown against a wall, for instance, it would +stick. Throughout the Camp it was dubbed "vrekvlys" (a man dies, an +animal "vreks"—vlys is meat). The flour given was good, for the bread +was usually excellent.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_21_21" id="Footnote_21_21"></a><a href="#FNanchor_21_21"><span class="label">[21]</span></a> This number soon grew to 800.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_22_22" id="Footnote_22_22"></a><a href="#FNanchor_22_22"><span class="label">[22]</span></a> There were three such tents about 100 yards beyond the +hospital; they were the most dilapidated tents in the whole Camp, +always open; they were occasionally blown down.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_23_23" id="Footnote_23_23"></a><a href="#FNanchor_23_23"><span class="label">[23]</span></a> A ration of coal was sometimes served out.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_24_24" id="Footnote_24_24"></a><a href="#FNanchor_24_24"><span class="label">[24]</span></a> Another old College chum.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_25_25" id="Footnote_25_25"></a><a href="#FNanchor_25_25"><span class="label">[25]</span></a> The Van As's received my ration (which was same as +theirs), and I took all my meals with them.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_26_26" id="Footnote_26_26"></a><a href="#FNanchor_26_26"><span class="label">[26]</span></a> This doctor, a most capable man, was always most +friendly to me. I had learnt to humour him, and he was ever willing +to accompany me, even at night, to desperate cases. He was, however, +almost as universally detested as he was feared, and ultimately was +knocked down by an irate husband.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAP_II" id="CHAP_II" />CHAP. II.</h2> + + +<p>Sunday, September 1.—Recklessness; preached twice to-day without any +preparation; "sommer uit die vuis uit" (literally, straight from the +fist); simply compelled to; very unpleasant day; wind and dust; made +services very short; fifty-five minutes.</p> + +<p>In afternoon a large crowd of young people.</p> + +<p>Mr. Otto took funerals for me this morning (eleven buried).</p> + +<p>This afternoon Mr. Becker buried six.</p> + +<p>About fourteen have died since last night.</p> + +<p>It is pitiable to see the innocent little children and babies +suffering and struggling against the accursed pneumonia; and there +seems no hope when once they get it. Poor little mites!</p> + +<p>A census taken lately gives 683 as the number of sick. Milk ration<a name="FNanchor_27_27" id="FNanchor_27_27"></a><a href="#Footnote_27_27" class="fnanchor">[27]</a> +has been stopped since yesterday; new sorrow. Our Camp a veritable +valley of desolation. For the very essence of sorrow and misery, come +here! For weeping, wailing mothers, come here! For broken hearts, +come here! For desperate misery and hopelessness, come here! What +would become of us if we had not our Religion to fall back upon! +What, if we had not the assurance that a Good and Merciful God reigns +above! What if there was no Love! What, if there was no hope of the +Resurrection and Life Everlasting! What, if there is nothing beyond +the Grave!</p> + +<p>The nights here are so awful, and one yearns for day; and then the +fearfulness of being awakened repeatedly in the night by the tramp of +those who carry away the dead to the morgue tents. I woke last night +in such a way, and knew that they were bearing young Herklaas away. +One grows a bit pessimistic under the circumstances. Despite my +services, I had to visit several sick—mostly dying children, with +weeping mothers. It is so hard to pray, and so very wearying. And +then, to comfort and cheer, when your own heart is lead within.</p> + +<p>In the hospital there are many sick; am neglecting the hospital, and +my conscience hurts, but am going regularly from to-morrow; must find +time somewhere.</p> + +<p>Mrs. De Lint's children are all sick; baby very bad; poor woman; am +so sorry for her; Peter away in Ceylon.</p> + +<p>Those deep rings round the eyes, which one sees all about, bear +testimony to nights of watching and of anguish in the heart. May God +take pity!</p> + +<p><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17" />Monday, September 2.—Bitter day, the bitterest I have yet had; +Superintendent furious because of my last letters<a name="FNanchor_28_28" id="FNanchor_28_28"></a><a href="#Footnote_28_28" class="fnanchor">[28]</a>. The worst is I +see that I am altogether misunderstood, and that I am suspected now +of interfering and working against the Superintendent. And yet this +is not so, for I would go to-morrow if I knew I was at all hostile to +the authorities. I fear I have been indiscreet in what I wrote; shall +have straight talk to-morrow, and ask Superintendent to let me resign +if I have not his confidence; there must be no suspicion, otherwise I +cannot stay. This matter is a load upon my heart.</p> + +<p>Busy day; new tents 63, 552a, 50, 40, all with sick children except +552, where young man is very sick.</p> + +<p>Called to hospital; Mrs. Retief dying; prayer; expired just after. +Hurried to 34, but found I was just too late; Mrs. Ackerman just +died.</p> + +<p>156; very sad case; mother, Mrs. Joubert, died this morning, and when +I came I found three helpless little ones all alone, and sick too; +father in Bloemfontein Camp; the grandmother will provide, I +understand.</p> + +<p>Had short conversation with Mr. Branders, Superintendent Sunday +School, and decided to exhort parents to send children to school.</p> + +<p>395; Mrs. Botha very ill; twenty-eight days in bed; advise removal +hospital; this afternoon doctor called and said she was dying; she +leaves a baby.</p> + +<p>Went to few cases with doctor; very interesting; get on well with +him.</p> + +<p>Visited 239, Ignatius, with malignant growth on arm; must soon die.</p> + +<p>Took doctor to see 36; young girl suddenly sick; great misery there; +bad ventilation; four others measles.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18" />Funerals this afternoon (about nine); "Hetgeen gij zaait wordt niet +levend tenzij dat het gestorven is" (That which thou sowest is not +quickened except it die).</p> + +<p>Visited hospital to-day, and mean to go regularly each day.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Tuesday, September 3.—Went to Superintendent first thing to-day; +reasonable<a name="FNanchor_29_29" id="FNanchor_29_29"></a><a href="#Footnote_29_29" class="fnanchor">[29]</a>; long talk; reconciled; thank God.</p> + +<p>Found boy in 34 very, very bad; this afternoon stopped bearers on way +to morgue tents, and learnt that they were carrying him away; poor +little fellow; he suffered so very much!</p> + +<p>In 35 there is also great sickness.</p> + +<p>27; Mrs. Taljaard; very sick baby; also sick boy; husband commando.</p> + +<p>Hospital; read and prayed in the three wards; glad I went; some very +seriously ill; so sorry to hear that Miss Hendriks died this morning; +she was very bad; spoke to her yesterday, and prayed with her; she +enquired restlessly, time after time, "Is dit nog nie vijf uur nie?" +(Is it not yet five o'clock?). At five this morning she passed away.</p> + +<p>The men's ward quite full; all ages; all were so glad to have me read +and pray.</p> + +<p>541; Mrs. Steyn; two children gone; very sore; glad I went.</p> + +<p>500; Mrs. Schoeman; eight children; two sick; husband Ceylon.</p> + +<p>503; Mrs. Robertson; baby dead; two boys sick; husband fighting.</p> + +<p>In 418 great misery; Mrs. Herbst ill and three sick children.</p> + +<p>In 322 called in to pray for dying baby.</p> + +<p>Very busy afternoon; always stopped on way and called in.</p> + +<p>Neglected 475.</p> + +<p>The poor little mites! the horrid, cruel pneumonia! and there seems +to be no saving them when once the pneumonia, grips them.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19" />Mr. Becker took funerals, seventeen; several in blankets.</p> + +<p>And so we go forth day by day; the dread whistle; the regular tramp +of the bearers to morgue tents, and the slowly winding procession +every afternoon.</p> + +<p>Called hurriedly to hospital twice; dying girl just brought in; could +understand.</p> + +<p>Hysterical girl Martie<a name="FNanchor_30_30" id="FNanchor_30_30"></a><a href="#Footnote_30_30" class="fnanchor">[30]</a>, swearing and cursing all round; each +nurse in particular, and the whole lot generally.</p> + +<p>Old Mrs. Van Zyl, 492, evidently dying.</p> + +<p>Called to enquire after old Mrs. Oosthuizen; found she had died soon +after last visit.</p> + +<p>Pleasant evening; stories of my travels; in Italy once more.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Wednesday, September 4.—My visits to hospital I love.</p> + +<p>That one girl such a sad case; fever and most terrible headache; they +say it is sunstroke.</p> + +<p>Hysterical girl quiet.</p> + +<p>Filth and stench in some tents almost unbearable.</p> + +<p>Nos. 34 and 35 very bad; ventilated tent myself; some folks built +that way, and sickness becomes their trench behind which they +shelter. But I will persist in maintaining that no matter the +sickness, no matter the distress and poverty, cleanliness is a +possibility anywhere<a name="FNanchor_31_31" id="FNanchor_31_31"></a><a href="#Footnote_31_31" class="fnanchor">[31]</a>. But what an opportunity for the careless to +degenerate!</p> + +<p>Managed to get bedstead for Mrs. Van Zyl; fear she won't last long.</p> + +<p>I wonder what the safest policy would be when two women pour out +their griefs into your ear at the same time. When they simultaneously +tell you all about their departed cherubs? Some people selfish in +their sorrow. Took little camphor brandy Mrs. Niemand's; tent full +lamenting womenfolk; and the helpless babe casting her black eyes +from one to another. Some people will insist on anticipating the +Almighty (the child is dead, though).</p> + +<p><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20" />Saw a child to-day the very image of a mouse; two months' illness; +large ears; black eyes; thin, bony hands; huddled together.</p> + +<p>Very busy afternoon.</p> + +<p>Funerals at 4 p.m.; eighteen corpses; "En God zal alle tranen van +hunne oogen afwisschen" (And God shall wipe away all tears from their +eyes).</p> + +<p>How can one's heart remain hard? Can one be unmoved when you see +weeping, stricken mothers kneeling in anguish beside their infants' +graves?</p> + +<p>Love, after all, is the greatest and most mysterious of all things.</p> + +<p>Explain it that a mother can cling to a helpless, idiotic, deformed +boy for fourteen years, and feed him mouth to mouth! Explain that a +mother can sit up night and day, day and night, with a sick child! +Look at those deep-set eyes, sorrow-sunken, their care-wornness, and +tell me what is this Love that endureth all things!</p> + +<p>Two things have I learnt during these fourteen days which till now to +me were "all fancy"—the meaning of Love and the thing called +Religion.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, September 5th.—Tent overhauled; floor rubbed and "smeered" +(coated); very miserable, windy day; dust; dirt; towards evening cold +south winds; fear it will work havoc with the children to-night.</p> + +<p>Hospitals; so sorry about Miss Snyman; quite delirious to-day; wonder +if she will live.</p> + +<p>Hysterical one<a name="FNanchor_32_32" id="FNanchor_32_32"></a><a href="#Footnote_32_32" class="fnanchor">[32]</a> quite tame; "Ach, minheer zijn hand is tog zoo +koud; ik wens, minheer, wil die heele dag mij kop hou" ("Ah, sir, +your hand is so very cold, I wish you would hold it to my head the +whole day").</p> + +<p>Found things cleaner at 35; still great misery.</p> + +<p>Fear old Mrs. Van Zyl will die.</p> + +<p>The De Wets (526) sad way; so many sick; one daughter dead; two +children in hospital; this afternoon baby died.</p> + +<p>Neglected to go to Mrs. Niemand—poor little mother!</p> + +<p><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21" />De Lintz in great misery; gnashing teeth girlie<a name="FNanchor_33_33" id="FNanchor_33_33"></a><a href="#Footnote_33_33" class="fnanchor">[33]</a> weaker.</p> + +<p>Some people selfish in their sorrow; but I don't suppose a man can +fathom the love a mother bears her child!</p> + +<p>Near Church (!) great misery; sick mother (husband Bloemfontein) and +four sick children; all helplessly ill; no one to help; and water has +to be carried and wood fetched and chopped.</p> + +<p>Milk supply has been stopped in Camp; this causes great distress.</p> + +<p>What sorrows one is to find tent upon tent with sick children and no +nourishing or invalid food; not even milk.</p> + +<p>Wonder if there can be suffering greater than what some folk endure +here.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker funerals; four, I believe, only (!).</p> + +<p>Eight died since yesterday afternoon; may a change come speedily.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Friday, September 6.—Handicapped with a horrible cold, which won't +go away; throat hoarse; unpleasant day, very; wind, dust.</p> + +<p>Daily routine: Hospital; visits; dinner; visits; funerals; visits; +supper; bed.</p> + +<p>Nine buried this afternoon; "Heere gij zijt ons een Toevlucht van +Geslacht tot Geslacht" (Lord, Thou hast been our dwelling-place in +all generations); dreary business.</p> + +<p>There have died during one month (August) about 230 people.</p> + +<p>A new doctor has come, and now I hope things will grow brighter.</p> + +<p>Miss Snyman in hospital little better.</p> + +<p>Sad case this evening; found mother at bedside<a name="FNanchor_34_34" id="FNanchor_34_34"></a><a href="#Footnote_34_34" class="fnanchor">[34]</a> of sick child; she +has lost two already this week, and this one is the last; husband +died Green Point. The sorrow of it! May God spare that child's life.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22" />Hear from Mr. Becker that the old Tante<a name="FNanchor_35_35" id="FNanchor_35_35"></a><a href="#Footnote_35_35" class="fnanchor">[35]</a> beyond the Camp, with +sick mother and sick children, has broken down. What on earth will +become of them?</p> + +<p>Some here unconsciously overdo it, and overtax their own strength in +their grim fights with Angel of Death. A sort of superhuman power +sustains them for a time, and then—the collapse!</p> + +<p>But there sings the kettle!<a name="FNanchor_36_36" id="FNanchor_36_36"></a><a href="#Footnote_36_36" class="fnanchor">[36]</a></p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Saturday, September 7.—To-morrow is Sunday, and my sermons? O, the +recklessness of it! I had determined to set aside this afternoon for +preparation.</p> + +<p>Morning very busy.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Mentz' child dead.</p> + +<p>Hospitals; hysterical girl very bad; fear she won't pull through; +others betterish; except the fever one; very weak.</p> + +<p>In men's ward, old Mr. Petersen dying; quite conscious; waiting on +God; Ps. 23.</p> + +<p>Another youth also very bad.</p> + +<p>Arrangements upset; funerals this morning (seven); had to rush to +overtake procession; Ps. 39, "Handbreed" (an hand-breadth).</p> + +<p>Found I was burying Mrs. De Lint's infant and also "she of the +gnashing teeth."</p> + +<p>Sorrowing mothers; I always hurry away when the first sod falls with +its horrible thud; it unstrings the chords of one's being, and the +best thing is to depart.</p> + +<p>Spent afternoon in; at five, went to few tents.</p> + +<p>Old Tante yonder; the great collapse; very sorrowful; faithful unto +death. Weeks of toil; untiring efforts with sick daughter and her +three sick children; poor; helpless; no one to assist save little +Billy, who herself is sick. And now—now the daughter is better, the +three children on the way to recovery, and the faithful old +grandmother? Nunc demittis. She has lain there like a log since +yesterday without nourishment; took <a name="Page_23" id="Page_23" />beef tea; kind neighbour brought +broth; made her sit up, and she gulped down the food; will try and +get her removed to hospital to-morrow.</p> + +<p>Visited Mrs. Naude of yesterday; anguish; the last child died this +morning; husband gone; three children gone; alone. Made fool of +myself. O, the pity of it all!</p> + +<p>Long visit from Doctor; desperate; at wit's end; and with a sermon +hanging upon my mind.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Sunday, September 8.—Most awful day of wind and dust. May I never +see such another.</p> + +<p>Church (!); open air; clouds of dust; people just simply buried in +dust; could scarcely read; whole service forty-five minutes.</p> + +<p>During sermon compelled to turn round and shut eyes; saw on opening +them that my black hat had changed to my brown one.</p> + +<p>Met wailing women on return; Mrs. Lubbe; news of husband's death; +shot in war; frantic; visited this evening; hopeless. What could I +do? frantic despair; cruel anguish unconsolable. Grief makes one +unreasonable. I think one should fight against grief and not collapse +so readily; and yet—and yet!</p> + +<p>Funerals five; old Mr. Petersen; large crowd; availed myself of +opportunity; "Alleen wiens namen opgeschreven zijn in het Boek des +Levens des Lams" (But they which are written in the Lamb's Book of +Life).</p> + +<p>May God not let His word return to Him void; read also Psalm 25, +which I read to old Mr. Petersen just before he died.</p> + +<p>Accompanied Mrs. Mentz to see husband in hospital; youngest child +dead; father knows not; in fear and trembling lest she should tell. +He gave her half an orange to give the little girl (buried already); +I must tell him of child's death to-morrow; bitter task.</p> + +<p>Disappointed about hospital; could not go through thoroughly; some +there who won't pull through, I'm afraid.</p> + +<p>On way home from funerals called in to pray for dying children; found +I was too late at the first tent; much grief and wailing; second +tent; baby dying.</p> + +<p>Neglected to go to old mother beyond; wonder if!</p> + +<p>This evening two girls came to ask for candle; great misery no light; +gave half a candle; visited this evening Van der Walt; <a name="Page_24" id="Page_24" />sorrowful; +three children ill; saw my candle burning. What if I had not been +able to give! Other sick children; sent brandy and Benger's food.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker service afternoon; same old dust.</p> + +<p>Heard there were some of the Ladies' Commission present; good! May +God bless their work and give them His Spirit in their work. May they +see all.</p> + +<p>Nice singing at our Church this evening; Miss Dussels; new doctor +sick; "ipperkonders" gave him cocoa.</p> + +<p>Weinanda dead; thank God! another burden of suffering ended.</p> + +<p>Woman I prayed with in hospital this afternoon, dead this evening.</p> + +<p>Girlie (35) Ackerman also dying.</p> + +<p>Mrs. De Wet called me to her bedside (hospital), and asked me to pray +that she might sleep. May God's angels guard over those hospital +tents this night.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Monday, September 9.—Ladies' Commission; one of them, Dr. Jane +Waterston. Glorious rain. How nice it will be to sleep with the +soothing music of falling showers.</p> + +<p>Our new kitchen getting on famously. What a comfort it will be when +finished. It takes 800 bricks to build a kitchen here, and few there +be that possess such a luxury. Spent half an hour in kitchen of +hospital after visits; delighted with the sight of walls again; more +determined than ever to go and do likewise. Am sure won't need more +than 3,000 bricks to build a regular palace, and won't it be +glorious! Besides, one does not know in the least, how long we are +still to remain here, and even were it only a month longer it would +be worth while.</p> + +<p>Doctor gave up 71; went and found woman dead; child very sick; found +Mr. Becker there.</p> + +<p>Just after dinner was called to see one of the little orphans of few +days ago; went at 2.30; too late; bad of me; should have gone +immediately.</p> + +<p>To-day saw the thinnest, boniest woman imaginable; Mrs. Booysen; just +a skeleton; husband Ceylon; daughter here; son and daughter still at +the front.</p> + +<p>Saw also the most emaciated baby imaginable; puny; nine months; +mother dead; lives on "genade" (mercy) of other mothers whose babies +are dead; a regular "kannie dood" (literally, a "won't die").</p> + +<p><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25" />Got the Van Huysteen girls to undertake case of outside tent with +old grandmother; opened bottom to-day to ventilate; foul.</p> + +<p>Visited old Mr. Van Heerde; very bad; wife "praat soos een boek" +(talks like a book); quite a change to do a bit of listening on +points of Theology!</p> + +<p>Found the Fouries of first day; daughter much better.</p> + +<p>The quack doctor deserves to be kicked; found bottle of medicine on +table somewhere; pure water; five shillings. He is coining money and +fleecing people most scandalously; child now luckily in hospital; +spoke strongly to parents on the point.</p> + +<p>In hospital things are rather glum; Miss Snyman utterly weak and +fearfully excited; hysterical girl still alive; so are all others; +but I fear some of them won't see light of morning.</p> + +<p>Doctor actually in bed in hospital; bad too; rather a sell; tables +cruelly turned on us.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Tuesday, September 10.—Ladies' Commission here again; can more or +less predict what report will be.<a name="FNanchor_37_37" id="FNanchor_37_37"></a><a href="#Footnote_37_37" class="fnanchor">[37]</a></p> + +<p>Rain all night; soaking showers; this morning everything very muddy; +some streets in Camp awful; and then to see the "gesukel" (distress) +this morning all round among the women trying to cook breakfast.</p> + +<p>Yesterday met several women carrying heavy buckets of water; "Dit is +daarom nie vrouwen's werk nie" (This truly is not work for women).</p> + +<p>The women here have a rough time; what with no servants, no kitchen, +scanty wood, and poor rations; it is hard to make ends meet. Were it +not for the little extras<a name="FNanchor_38_38" id="FNanchor_38_38"></a><a href="#Footnote_38_38" class="fnanchor">[38]</a> we have (golden syrup, jam, oatmeal, +tea and until yesterday fat), I wonder what I would do.</p> + +<p>Went to village to-day; nothing to be had there; was absolutely +refused permit for rice and beans; got 4 lbs. peas; candles not to be +had for love or money; dined Beckers.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26" />Owing to presence of Ladies' Commission, unable to do my daily visit +to hospital; three have died—Mrs. Kruger, Miss Ackerman, and a lad +of seventeen.</p> + +<p>Superintendent called me to-day, and said I could issue "briefies" +(notes) for food to-morrow; very glad, for I know many tents where +there is dire distress.</p> + +<p>Very weary and sickish; eager for bed.</p> + +<p>Funerals nine; "U te kennen is het eeuwige leven" (To know Thee is +life everlasting."</p> + +<p>Yesterday Mr. Becker buried eleven.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>To-day most were in blankets.</p> + +<p>Wednesday, September 11.—Waylaid doctor; throat bad; got two bottles +medicine; seedy.</p> + +<p>34 and 71 great distress; the girl in 71 actually still alive; some +people die hard.</p> + +<p>Hurried back to hospital; Miss Snyman now so hysterical removed; tent +to herself; wonder if!</p> + +<p>That Lotz girl too is still alive; but what a wonderful constitution +she must have!</p> + +<p>Saw some distressing and heartrending cases to-day.</p> + +<p>626; mother in agony; strong daughter (18) in throes of death and +fearfully "benauwd" (in agony), pneumonia. Little sister; insensible; +far gone; no doctor.</p> + +<p>Hunted for doctor; gone to village; took him down this evening at +nine. O, the sorrow of it! Can never imagine a more harrowing +spectacle; we got medicine down; stayed three-quarters of an hour; +left doctor there and returned. Here go the bearers with their +lifeless burden; the elder sister died little while ago.</p> + +<p>The little one, too, is dead; poor suffering innocents!</p> + +<p>That sweet little girl at 128, whom I visited late last night, and +with whom I prayed—she, too, died early this morning; and now she +has the desire of her heart: they were laying her out when I called +this morning.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27" />Visited tent to which I sent little brandy yesterday; found child +had just died; too late.</p> + +<p>Gave old woman at 34, children and grandchildren, earnest talking-to +this afternoon; old woman, over seventy, quite callous as to +religion; no "behoefte" (sense of need): "Remember now thy Creator in +the days of thy youth."</p> + +<p>Old Mr. Van Heerde, whom I visited two days ago, died in night. Great +consternation about little boy in 348; was getting on so well, and +actually dead this morning. Doctor completely upset; he took great +trouble with this child; poor little chap, he had such a bonny little +face.</p> + +<p>Our kitchen we are building, getting on famously; I stand good for +bricks and wood; we need about 1,000 bricks; quite a great affair, +and will prove a blessing.</p> + +<p>Gave out "briefies" to-day, but fear that I shall give up the job; +what use, when they return empty-handed, or with but half the things! +Sorely vexed in my soul at the treatment I receive. Why ask me to +issue briefies?</p> + +<p>Washing-stand looks handsome, thanks to Stienie; oilcloth will make +it quite spruce.</p> + +<p>Young man addressed me quite intimate-like this afternoon, "En wat +schrijf maat in de boekie?" ("Mate, what are you writing in that +book?")</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker funerals; don't know number.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, September 12.—News from Steytler<a name="FNanchor_39_39" id="FNanchor_39_39"></a><a href="#Footnote_39_39" class="fnanchor">[39]</a>; sent away from +Potchefstroom; let me be doubly careful. I am so attached to my work +now, love it, that it would be a grievous burden were I compelled to +give it up<a name="FNanchor_40_40" id="FNanchor_40_40"></a><a href="#Footnote_40_40" class="fnanchor">[40]</a>.</p> + +<p>Only there is too much, too much to do, and if I visit one side of +the Camp, the other side has to be neglected. Five would have their +hands comfortably full here, and then there would be less "oorslaan" +(neglect).</p> + +<p>I am continually asked to visit new sick people; there seems to be no +end to all the sickness.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28" />The woman in 34 is very bad; next door to 626 is also great misery; +children very sick and without medical attendance. That is so +sorrowful; the number of tents where no doctor comes<a name="FNanchor_41_41" id="FNanchor_41_41"></a><a href="#Footnote_41_41" class="fnanchor">[41]</a>, the absence +of invalid food and nourishment; the hard, bare floor (heard of a +case yesterday where grass had begun to grow under sick bed); the +despair and helplessness of the mothers.</p> + +<p>Another burden—no lights! There are numbers of tents where there is +sickness, in some cases dying people, and where to-night there is not +an inch of candle.</p> + +<p>Pathetic sight yesterday; mother melting odd ends and scraps of +tallow and fat to make some sort of candle; daughter on brink of +death.</p> + +<p>Wonder what plan they have made to-night for light!</p> + +<p>Girl 71 still alive; wonderful.</p> + +<p>Funerals—nine, I believe; great crowd; calamity; one grave short, +and coffin had to be returned; women faint; consternation.</p> + +<p>Upset, and couldn't pick my thread in address, "En ziet een groote +schaar die niemand tellen kon" (And lo! a great multitude which no +man could number). These funerals most painful and wearying, and then +the burden of having to give address.</p> + +<p>Small quantity boards arrived; may we have no more burials in +blankets now!</p> + +<p>Mrs. Snyman in tears yesterday in hospital, and her great trouble was +that there would be no coffin for her daughter, who is in jaws of +death; reprimand; should not anticipate God; besides, the sorrows of +to-day are grievous enough, why bear to-morrow's in the bargain?</p> + +<p>Great wailing and lamentation round morgue tents this morning; +daughter and wife of old Mr. Van Heerde; and she boasted so big three +days ago of her boundless faith. Gave her straight talk; fruit of our +faith is our resignation and peace of heart. Thank God rather for the +blessedness of so long and happy a union; cross with daughter; a +woman can become so unreasonable in her grief.</p> + +<p>Arrival of my autoharp; gladness.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29" />Friday, September 13.—Spat fire. Now let me never have occasion to +get so annoyed again; wished for a bag of chaff to pummel for half an +hour just to let off steam.</p> + +<p>458 the very essence of misery; old mother helpless (since dead); +young mother sick; three wretched and sick children; and yet when I +presented myself for rice at office was cold-shouldered by Assistant +Superintendent; and these be the things sent by friends from Cape +Town to relieve distress here; and after permission from +Superintendent to issue "briefies! I got rice and two beef teas after +all; but sparks inward flew all the same.</p> + +<p>Got to 458; found old grandmother dead; wished Assistant +Superintendent could have been forced to look in; but what an if!</p> + +<p>There comes the pity of it all—total absence of sympathy of any +kind!</p> + +<p>Wonder of wonders; 70 new person; much better; returned from the very +borders; now let me never doubt on the subject of miracles again!</p> + +<p>Saw crowd (hateful) round 34; worked way in; dying. Singing of hymn; +prayer (and after, strong words to crowd). This horrible +attractiveness of a deathbed! Where does it originate?</p> + +<p>34 and 35, Ackermans; these people have had ten deaths since their +arrival in Camp; they are dying out altogether. There is one in +hospital, and she has small chances of recovery.</p> + +<p>Long visit to hospital; all four wards. Spoke to Mrs. ——, who lost +her babe in night.</p> + +<p>Betty Lotz quite "plezierig" (cheerful); Betty Kruger (mother died +few days ago in hospital), sweet little girl; languid dark brown +eyes; much suffering; wonder if!</p> + +<p>Snyman girl very low; mother there; very pathetic: quite delirious; +fear!</p> + +<p>Went to see Mrs. Welgemoed, 518; very bad; don't think she will "make +it."<a name="FNanchor_42_42" id="FNanchor_42_42"></a><a href="#Footnote_42_42" class="fnanchor">[42]</a></p> + +<p>Mrs. Hett called me in; very concerned; Annie, ten years, very ill; +sweet little thing; took her some Benger's Food and milk; wine. +Mother in mortal dread of seeing child sent to hospital; but what +foolishness! Selfish, and altogether disastrous policy.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30" />Saw Mr. Becker; not here yesterday; poor man; new misery; new cross; +and he looks like a bit of leather already. The military contemplate +taking possession of his parsonage (he has wife, four little +children), and this good man has slaved ever since the Camp has been +here, day after day, indefatigably, out of pure goodness and +charity.<a name="FNanchor_43_43" id="FNanchor_43_43"></a><a href="#Footnote_43_43" class="fnanchor">[43]</a></p> + +<p>Our kitchen has the woodwork of its roof finished; hope soon to see +it completed; glorious anticipation; a masterpiece!</p> + +<p>Tramping about from 1.30 to 6.30, and now exceedingly tired. Wonder +how about Sunday's sermons.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker; funerals—nine, I believe.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Saturday, September 14.—Great day; this way: inspected this +afternoon immense new marquee tent put up for hospital; glorious +within; charmed; mindful of our sufferings when trying to hold and +attend Divine service; idea spontaneous; immediate action; bee-line +to Superintendent's tent; psychological moment; agreeable. Hurrah! +Strike iron while hot; enlist men to help at 3 p.m. Resultum: Fine +large tent between the two school sheds; "Alles achter mekaar" +(everything in order). Can have use of school forms, which will seat +300 people. Position grand; bit aside, but quiet and clean +neighbourhood. Inauguration to-morrow.</p> + +<p>And sermon? That still to be made. It's no absolute good; busy whole +morning; planned to reserve afternoon for preparation.</p> + +<p>Afternoon comes; new church; funerals; final visits, and where does +the preparation come in? No show! Never mind; too satisfied to +grumble to-night; "Alles zal wel recht komen" (all will come right).</p> + +<p>No chance for hospital to-day; sorry; Betty Lotz dead; poor child. +Yesterday I still teased her with her cropped hair and the orange she +was eating; always so glad when I come; "Betty, gij kan moes mooi +hoor als ik lees en bid neh" ("Betty, you listen very nicely when I +read and pray"). "O ja, minheer, ik luister baing mooi" ("O yes, sir, +I listen very well").</p> + +<p>Buried her this afternoon, also seven others; "Dood, waar is uw +prikkel?" (Death, where is thy sting?)</p> + +<p><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31" />She belonged to 627, from which two daughters were buried in the +week; parents far away; aunt still very sick.</p> + +<p>Found Mrs. Barkhuizen dying; passed away soon after I left.</p> + +<p>518, Mrs. Welgemoed, died in night; baby also dying; great sorrow.</p> + +<p>Called to console mother whose babe had just died, Mrs. Van der M.</p> + +<p>Next door old Mr. R. dying, and, worst of all, unprepared. Oh! how +unspeakably difficult is my work and how fearful the responsibility!</p> + +<p>Wonder if he is still alive? Mr. Otto<a name="FNanchor_44_44" id="FNanchor_44_44"></a><a href="#Footnote_44_44" class="fnanchor">[44]</a> went to him too, and I +asked Mr. Becker to visit him also.</p> + +<p>Rather ashamed this morning; had taken down Nos. 268 and 263 some +days ago, and never yet been there. To-day "voorgekeerd" (waylaid).</p> + +<p>268, Mrs. Steyn; very sick for one and a half months already; glad I +went; in other tent found Mrs. Fourie; heard that her two children +already dead; very resigned; glad of my visit even though so late in +day.</p> + +<p>While in official tent, woman came with note, for maizena, brandy, +and milk from doctor; was simply told there was none. (And where are +the things that came down lately, with two dozen brandy and 24 dozen +milk?)</p> + +<p>Gave her arrowroot and milk. This is no isolated case. How many go +away empty-handed who present "briefies" at the office? The cry for a +little brandy or wine is simply pitiable. And candles! Fie on it! O +fie!</p> + +<p>Our kitchen nearly done; grand tin roof, out of coffee tins (one +shilling a tin); must inaugurate on Monday with pancakes or +something.</p> + +<p>Now for sermon (10.30 p.m.).</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Sunday, September 15 (the Great 15th)<a name="FNanchor_45_45" id="FNanchor_45_45"></a><a href="#Footnote_45_45" class="fnanchor">[45]</a>.—What a day!</p> + +<p>Yesterday ecstasy over new church; to-day in the depths again. Joy +shortlived. This way: very stormy night; soaking rains; morning +whirlwind, frightful; hurried to the church; one side already blown +loose; mighty burst wind; whole show laid low. Such are the +vicissitudes of Camp life.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32" />Service out of question. Thankful!</p> + +<p>Similar tent, hospital, also blown down same time. A fellow feeling +makes us wondrous kind.</p> + +<p>One of morgue tents also blown down.</p> + +<p>Last night very restless one; bearers with their horrid tramp always +waken me, and it is fearful to be so awakened.</p> + +<p>Mr. Roelvert they bore away last night, and several others. It was +frightfully dark, and on one occasion the men walked bang against my +"airing structure"<a name="FNanchor_46_46" id="FNanchor_46_46"></a><a href="#Footnote_46_46" class="fnanchor">[46]</a> to their great discomfort.</p> + +<p>Woke again 3.30 with peculiar noise. "There goes Dr. Maddon's<a name="FNanchor_47_47" id="FNanchor_47_47"></a><a href="#Footnote_47_47" class="fnanchor">[47]</a> +tent," says I, "the pole has snapped." Rather helpless sort; guessed +he would come to me; and so it was. Made him call out five times +before I answered, just for fun; got up and helped him; delightful to +get into bed again.</p> + +<p>So sorry. I hear Betty Lotz was buried yesterday in blanket; glad I +was unaware it was she. She asked me the last time I saw her, +"Wanneer gaat, minheer, dan mij stukkie lees uit die Bijbel?" ("Sir, +when are ou going to read my little portion out of the Bible?") "Wat +is dit dan, Betty?" ("What is it, Betty?") "Minheer, van Jairus en +sijn dochtertje" ("Sir, about the daughter of Jairus"). I promised to +read that for next day; but this promise unfulfilled; couldn't go to +hospital yesterday; besides, she was carried away by then. Never +mind, I'll read about Jairus' daughter to-morrow all the same.</p> + +<p>Betty Kruger betterish; poor little thing; her mother died in +beginning of week, also in hospital. She knows nothing though, but +to-day she asked her sister to make her a black frock because her +mother was dead.</p> + +<p>Miss Taljaard very much better; if she pulls through it will be a +miracle. Mr. Van der Merwe very, very bad indeed (enteric); wonder +if! Sad; mother died some days ago; then young wife, and yesterday +his little daughter was buried. Is there a sorrow like to our sorrow?</p> + +<p>Little boy is dying in hospital.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33" />49; child also dead.</p> + +<p>156; of these remaining orphans (Joubert's), one little girlie is +dying. Foeitog!</p> + +<p>70 very much better.</p> + +<p>Got bedstead for 631; three little children dangerously ill; and all +three "deurgele" (bedsores); "Mammie, mammie, mij boutjes is zoo +zeer" ("Mother, mother, my legs are so sore").</p> + +<p>The misery there is heartrending; hard ground; cold and wet as well. +Poor little mites; and nourishment?</p> + +<p>Second visit. Found mother down too; terrible pain. What will happen +now, I wonder!</p> + +<p>Called in to 620; old Mrs. Roux; sick; prayer; asked me to come +again.</p> + +<p>Wish I could press a button and summon papa to do the praying part +for me!</p> + +<p>Number of deaths so far (according to Mr. Becker's funeral lists) +about 420.</p> + +<p>Since I've been here (25 days), we have buried about 300. Appalling +figures!</p> + +<p>This afternoon (Mr. Becker), funerals eight.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Monday, September 16.—Flood.</p> + +<p>Our Camp one sheet of water and mud; furrow too small for the rush of +water; great inundations; many tents flooded; great misery; and how +about the cooking business? Everything to be done outside (we are +among the few privileged with a kitchen). Women have to wade through +water and mud; wet wood; raining continually. Just picture the scene!</p> + +<p>Came to one tent; in front of door one mass clay and mud; inside +awful; and yet there lay a girl very dangerously sick, and another +also down.</p> + +<p>425, Mrs. Booysen; skeleton; completely flooded; everything wet; and +the floor! Yesterday they got her a bedstead; till now she had to lie +on the floor; sick daughter; wonder where she will sleep. Floor? +Impossible.</p> + +<p>In another tent rain leaked through; water all over.</p> + +<p>Another matter which tells of fresh misery. The sanitary sheds and +screens are all some distance out of the camp. Imagine <a name="Page_34" id="Page_34" />the +painfulness of affairs on days like this, when one hardly dares put +head out of doors.</p> + +<p>Overheard conversation between old man and doctor:</p> + +<p>You, what do you want here? Go away from this —— tent! Voetzak, +voetzak! Get away from this —— tent!" This was to an old man. It +makes one's blood boil. There is no real—no, not a particle +of—sympathy.</p> + +<p>In 631, wife told me doctor (another) came past, and she, meaning +that he was looking for her tent (third morning already and he had +not yet come), attempted to direct him. "You go to ——!" was all she +got; and she has three little ones in very precarious state.</p> + +<p>Visited in New Camp; several sick there.</p> + +<p>652, sick wife and child. (Nice biltongs<a name="FNanchor_48_48" id="FNanchor_48_48"></a><a href="#Footnote_48_48" class="fnanchor">[48]</a> hanging up; but for all +my hints, got nothing!)</p> + +<p>631, Kotze; doppers; two girls measles; prayer; repeated Psalm.</p> + +<p>518, little child (mother dead two days ago) died this after noon.</p> + +<p>Found another very sick girlie, 532, Venter; took orange wine, +arrowroot, milk; but I doubt whether she'll "make it"; too far gone.</p> + +<p>Talk with Mrs. Steyn, who has lost three children; such a good little +woman; while there an old Tante came, evidently to tell all her tale +of woe, so I cleared.</p> + +<p>Funerals ten, all children.</p> + +<p>Meant to have spoken on "Heere, maak mij bekend mijne einde" (Lord, +make me to know mine end), but on discovery at graveyard that all +were children, spoke on "The Reaper and the Flowers."</p> + +<p>Miss Snyman in hospital, moaning awfully just now; just been there; +poor girl; and she disturbs all the others.</p> + +<p>Spruit nicely down; Mr. Becker not come; can't get across evidently.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35" />Visits to hospital. In women's ward "beterschap"; little Betty and +Miss Taljaard much better; wonder if!</p> + +<p>Read to them about Jairus' daughter; but the other Betty "wasn't +there no more" to hear.</p> + +<p>Pancakes; five easily.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Tuesday, September 17.—Fine, glorious day; people all busy airing +and drying things; life again.</p> + +<p>69, old Mr. Theunissen, very weak; old man; old wife; floor. Hard +luck; "Ach, Minheer, ik het zoo gewens dat mij zoon mij ooge moet toe +druk, en nou is hij in Ceylon, en ik voel dat ik nie langmeer hier +zal wees nie" ("O sir, I did so wish that my son should close my +eyes, and now he is in Ceylon, and I feel that I won't be here much +longer").</p> + +<p>Saw Mr. Mentz being led home to tent (from hospital) by Mr. Booysen; +anxiety; knows nothing about daughter's death, and his wife lies ill +in bed. What's to be done? Mr. Mentz (one month in hospital) still +very weak. Brought him to the Van As's for some tea while I planned +how best to act. Decide to break news to him just before he arrives +at tent; very painful task indeed. Caught the two up just before tent +door, and told him to stop a minute. Now God help me and him!—Thank +God, it is over! Rude, cruel awakening! O the sorrow, the sorrow of +it! Prayed with family, and left with heavy, leaden heart.</p> + +<p>Why is there so much sorrow and bitterness in this life?</p> + +<p>Last week, when his wife visited him in hospital, he gave her half an +orange to give his Nellie, and on another occasion a biscuit—and all +the while his girlie was under the cold, dark sod.</p> + +<p>Visited Van den Heever, 68. Also 626, 631, 624, 70, 74.</p> + +<p>Went with trembling heart to 532; "Waar is die kind?" ("Where is the +child?"). "Nee, Minheer, zij is vannach om een uur dood" ("Sir, she +died last night at one o'clock").</p> + +<p>Found the Van Zyls, 499, and the Robertsons, 503, had also lost +babies during last few days.</p> + +<p>424, Hasebroek; sick child; baby died yesterday.</p> + +<p>482, Hetts; little daughter very sick; wonder if! Such a sweet little +thing.</p> + +<p>Getting sick to death of doctor; such a terrible amount of <a name="Page_36" id="Page_36" />brag and +big talk, always about himself; always dread his calls; can never get +so far as to return; a regular thorn in the flesh.</p> + +<p>Visits to hospital.</p> + +<p>Mr. Van der Merwe still very bad; men's ward full of boys; some very +bad.</p> + +<p>Martie Snyman recognised me to-day, and asked me to pray for her; +mother there too.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker funerals; six.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Wednesday, September 18.—Bitterly cold night; frost; glorious day.</p> + +<p>Regular holiday; did precious little "leeraarts" (pastoral) work +to-day; grand clean up; fine bookcase of big box; grand!</p> + +<p>Baby<a name="FNanchor_49_49" id="FNanchor_49_49"></a><a href="#Footnote_49_49" class="fnanchor">[49]</a> comes regularly now to clean up.</p> + +<p>Tent very close to-day; hot weather; contemplating building house; +busy with estimates to-day; will need about 3,500 bricks; such +edifice will be real boon when hot weather sets in.</p> + +<p>Our kitchen is palatial, and the admiration of the whole camp, and I +guess hundreds have cast envious eyes upon it. And yet within it is +but 4 feet by 7 feet, its height is 5 feet 10 inches; but it has a +pitch roof, with coffee tins beaten out to serve for zinc. It is +built of good, raw brick, and the walls are 4 inches thick, plus two +more inches of substantial clay plaster. It has a window without +panes, and a doorless doorway, and yet a marvellous structure both in +workmanship and usefulness. Total cost about £3. Let me not forget +its chimney—made of a half-sheet of zinc, and beaten into a cone +(1s.). Now with my mind's eye I see the structure sparkling in the +gentle moonbeams. A thing of beauty is a joy for ever. Enough!</p> + +<p>Rigged up church again; little nearer in, and this afternoon three of +us went and put everything geometrically straight—poles, pegs, +ropes, etc.—to prevent second collapse. We are going to sink heavy +stones into the ground as anchors, and the whole structure we are +going to make rigid with wire ropes. This all to be done on the +morrow. It is going to serve as school; good!</p> + +<p>There must be some two thousand children here, and yet I doubt if +fifty go to school; pity; children run loose, absolutely neglected.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37" />Too much sickness about; fear the deterioration.</p> + +<p>Funerals this afternoon five; all children; "Heere, maak mij bekend +mijne einde" (Lord, make me to know mine end). May those graveside +addresses bear fruit!</p> + +<p>Called to 104, Hugo's; great sorrow; baby died this morning; poor +mother; talk about tears rolling down! Let me not think on it!</p> + +<p>179, Roelvert's baby; convulsions after measles; also dying.</p> + +<p>A mother's heart: the most delicate, mysterious, profound piece of +architecture in creation. Let a man not attempt to fathom its depths; +there are mazes which he can never pass through; and there are +recesses (illuminated, I guess) which he can just barely know of, let +alone enter.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, September 19.—Two women cleared last night; burghers +evidently in near neighbourhood. There are always numbers of women +who go to hills to collect wood, and for long, weary distances they +carry their loads of oven wood, like so many Kaffir girls. It hurts +to watch them return.</p> + +<p>Camp continually getting bigger; there must be some 800 tents now, +and quite 5,000 souls.</p> + +<p>Feel bad at thought of so many thousands whom it is impossible to +reach just now, because of the sickness all about.</p> + +<p>I have been here just a month, and have, during that time, done +nothing but visit sick and dying.</p> + +<p>Hospital, too, grown larger; five big marquee tents; began visit +there this morning; disturbed by arriving patients and doctor.</p> + +<p>Found Martie Snyman dying; dead a quarter of an hour after. We +gathered round her bedside and committed her spirit into God's safe +keeping; poor child! she had such a time of suffering; mostly always +delirious; and her mother! Let me not think of it!</p> + +<p>Many new arrivals in women's wards; some dangerously ill.</p> + +<p>Poor Betty Kruger; fear she won't "make it."</p> + +<p>Meant to go again this afternoon, but disappointed; had to take +charge of books which had come; great work, and unsatisfactory too.</p> + +<p>Meant to have made long visits to New Camp this afternoon; "Alles +verijdeld" (everything fell through).</p> + +<p><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38" />Visits 432, 482, 268 (old Mr. De V.), 494 (aunt of Miss Van Rooi, +who died in hospital), 458, 424, 499, and 503.</p> + +<p>Went again with couple of eggs and milk to 432 and 424.</p> + +<p>Poor little girl; so very sick, and on ground too.</p> + +<p>Found 458 in total darkness; no lights, and little boy dying. +Foeitog! Borrowed half a candle from Mrs. Van As.</p> + +<p>Ordered bricks to-day for my house—3,500, at 1s. a hundred. Hope to +see it standing "moet 'n boog" (for show) by next week.</p> + +<p>Split in connection with church; old lot near old church-stand +dissatisfied; some folk hard to please; rather vexing; they want us +to keep up service at old place as well.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker referred matter to me; said I was quite agreeable if there +was possibility of drawing two congregations. Mr. Otto may be induced +to conduct one.</p> + +<p>Well, certainly, we have enough people for a double service.</p> + +<p>Concerned about Catechism class; there must be hundreds who ought to +be confirmed. Concerned also about Sunday school. How are we to +collect these thousands! If the sickness in camp would only decrease, +what great things we could attempt.</p> + +<p>Found packet Sunlight soap in tent; my ration; large family Van As +gets two cakes; I, single, whole packet; not very complimentary!</p> + +<p>Sent parcel books to hospital as library; decided to divide +miscellaneous books into four small circulating libraries.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker funerals; eight.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Friday, September 20.—Early bird; brought over all books from store +tent; also cask of Quaker oats<a name="FNanchor_50_50" id="FNanchor_50_50"></a><a href="#Footnote_50_50" class="fnanchor">[50]</a>; very glad of latter; will serve +out like mad next week.</p> + +<p>Tent now regular chaos; boxes; feel need of house all the more.</p> + +<p>Four circulating libraries—Otto's, Dussel's, Van As's, and Lubbe's. +Reading, however, rather an impossibility here in camp; one has +always something to do. What a blessing that everyone has work in +plenty, because in one's work one can derive a measure of happiness +and satisfaction; it detracts one's thoughts from the seamy side of +life just now.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39" />Immediately after breakfast visited two dying babies, 585, 695.</p> + +<p>Great crowd of children assembled in front of church, several +hundreds (I hear a weeping and a wailing close by; evidently someone +just died); hurried thither; gathered children in circle; Psalm 146; +prayer; address (privilege, obedience, faithfulness); also exhorted +them to take good care of church and to be careful of lines, ropes, +pegs, etc.</p> + +<p>Ordered 3,500 bricks at 1s. 1-1/2d. per hundred; saw Superintendent, +who promised to provide roofing; hope he won't disappoint. Busy whole +morning with books.</p> + +<p>Called after dinner Mrs. Pelser; ill and concerned about soul; same +one I had long talks with before; afraid she is still ignorant of +primary step, reconciliation with God; spent long while in making way +of salvation clear; Doppers; tent full; "Haar Leuze" (her delight), +Psalm 62, verse 1, and when I read it aloud I was on the point of +remarking, "Nee, wach, ik het die regte vers ver jou—Gez 39, vers 3, +'Komt gij allen" ("No, wait, I have the right verse for you—Hymn 39, +verse 3, 'Come ye all, sinners come, what dare hold you back"); saved +from this calamity<a name="FNanchor_51_51" id="FNanchor_51_51"></a><a href="#Footnote_51_51" class="fnanchor">[51]</a> by mere chance (grace); perhaps they are +Doppers! and so it was. Narrow shave; second time!</p> + +<p>Had to hurry to funerals; eight; Martie and Annie Erasmus; "Leer ons +alzoo onze dagen tellen" (So teach us to number our days).</p> + +<p>(Here go the bearers with another corpse.)</p> + +<p>Met another brother of Tolllie's; regular reproduction; brought me +to several new sick people; Mrs. Venter very, very ill. Fear! Asked +if I should pray for her; "Ja, Minheer" ("Yes, sir"). "En wat zal ik +bid?" ("And what shall I pray?") "Ach, Minheer, dat die Heere mij +gouw moet kom haal" ("O sir, that the Lord come quick to fetch me").</p> + +<p>Poor old dad! He has lost eight children and grandchildren in camp +already, and this is his last daughter.</p> + +<p>Neglected hospital again; disgusted; those troublesome books!</p> + +<p>Had hurried walk round; Mrs. Kruger dying; prayed, but quite +delirious.</p> + +<p>Met weeping mother on coming out; "Minheer, zal minheer tog nie ver +mij help nie om vir mij man een telegram te stuur, <a name="Page_40" id="Page_40" />hij is in +Doornbult Camp. Ik is alleen hier en twee van mij kinders is al +dood, and nou le die dochtertje ernstig ziek in die hospital?" ("Sir, +won't you be able to help me to send a telegram to my husband, he is +in Doornbult Camp. I am alone here; two of my children are already +dead, and now my daughter lies dangerously sick in hospital")<a name="FNanchor_52_52" id="FNanchor_52_52"></a><a href="#Footnote_52_52" class="fnanchor">[52]</a>. +That is the saddest part of all. Mothers here alone with sick +children, and fathers far off—some in other camps. And then, when +Death comes and takes a child, the loneliness of such mothers is too +hard a burden to bear. Many children here and many who have died, +never yet seen by fathers.</p> + +<p>Led prayer meeting at young Otto's tent; six young fellows.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Saturday, September 21.—Longish day; called early to see 270 and +269; again in evening to 270; last stage of consumption; won't last +long. (Here go those terrible bearers again! When, O when, will the +Angel of Death sheathe his scythe and depart out of our midst!)</p> + +<p>Made church straight for morrow; fine stout "doornhout" (mimosa) +pins—(more bearers, here they go again!)—and two strong wires +fastened to stones buried in ground (anchors). There are some 24 +school forms, and these will seat about 400 people.</p> + +<p>Quaky about tomorrow; sermon unprepared; meant to have had afternoon +to self, but quite impossible.</p> + +<p>Another death, 128; croup; Smit; tent removed on doctor's orders +outside camp while child dying; cruel; entreaties of mother vain; +child carried in dying condition; expired little after; when I came, +found woman in greatest distress; things bundled outside; indignant; +poor defenceless, helpless women. May God help them!</p> + +<p>Visits 386, 424, 432, 489, 519.</p> + +<p>Called to Mrs. Steyn, 541 (three children gone already); daughter +suddenly sick; looks like fever; found Mr. Becker there; poor little +mother! She is so reconciled and patient in her tribulation.</p> + +<p>Called to tent near shop; Mrs. Theron; great pain; three children, +sick; no help; dependent on charity of neighbours; no light; God +alone knows how many tents there are without lights to-night and with +very sick inmates.</p> + +<p>Hospital; talk with Mr. V.d.M.; very sick; delirious somewhat; Psalm +27, prayer.</p> + +<p>Girlie in ward 1 very sick.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41" />In children's ward found mother and grandmother sitting by bedside +of dying boy five years; mother broken; after my prayer there was a +tear glistening in the boy's left eye; pathetic to see mother wipe it +away as the tears rolled down her cheeks.</p> + +<p>In the upper ward lies a girl<a name="FNanchor_53_53" id="FNanchor_53_53"></a><a href="#Footnote_53_53" class="fnanchor">[53]</a> of fourteen, with the softest, +sweetest face imaginable; two clear, languid, blue eyes; very +dangerously ill; wonder if!</p> + +<p>Prayed at bedside; daughter of the mother who asked me to wire to her +husband yesterday. Spoke to Superintendent; quite unsympathetic; +fruitless.</p> + +<p>May God spare that child's life!</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker funerals; seven or eight, I believe.</p> + +<p>Called in by Mr. Kruger; wife died in hospital this morning; son (16 +years) buried Monday; another child some days ago; poor fellow; he +himself sick; subscribed 5s. to assist him to obtain coffin.</p> + +<p>Now for to-morrow's sermon!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Sunday, September 22.—Grand day; ideal weather; longish.</p> + +<p>Up six o'clock; sermon; sweat; veld; "Om te doen gedenken" (To bring +to remembrance).</p> + +<p>Inauguration of church; huge crowd; packed; hundreds outside.</p> + +<p>Impossible to use even the tiniest bit of notes; "broekscheur." Made +rather mull of first half; "Ik gedenk heden aan mijne zonden" (I do +remember my faults this day). Introduction and second point more +satisfactory; luckily (?) girl fainted; seized opportunity to give +out hymn; grasped notes to refresh memory; "Ik gedenk heden aan de +weldaden des Heeren—God's liefde" (I remember this day the mercies +of the Lord—God's love).</p> + +<p>Feel the utter insignificance of my best efforts; sore point; no time +at all to prepare; I tremble when I think of what I venture in +coldbloodedness.</p> + +<p>After service went to 207; saw bedding outside, and knew the worst. +"Gister aand, minheer, is zij gestorven. Ach, minheer, zij kon tog +die minuut nie afwag nie, zoo haastig was zij om wegtegaan" +("Yestereen, sir, she died. O sir, she scarcely had patience to wait, +so eager she was to depart").</p> + +<p><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42" />Great tribulation and bitterness on account of doctor, who insisted +on forcing hot coffee down her throat, and for whom Mrs. Venter was +desperately afraid; also on account of his violent conduct and +harshness in the presence of Death. She could not even die in peace.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Steyn's girlie very bad; fever; so restless, and so much pain.</p> + +<p>There again in evening; still so restless; no sleep last two nights; +advised Mrs. Steyn to send her to hospital; environment disastrous; +too much to remind her of her two brothers and sister, who died last +week.</p> + +<p>Rounds in hospital; girlie No. 1 very bad.</p> + +<p>In No. 4, girlie of Mrs. Van der Berg very low; did not know me +to-day; too beautiful a child, really; got mother permission to stay +with her to-night.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Bonig's child still alive this afternoon; died towards evening. +Thank God!</p> + +<p>Another little chap passed away quite suddenly in same tent this +morning.</p> + +<p>Autoharp in convalescent tent.</p> + +<p>Hurried to funerals; four; large crowd; several hundreds; Rev. 7, +chapter Mrs. Venter gave as comfort to her people, "Deze zijn het die +uit groote verdrukking komen" (These are they which come out of great +tribulation).</p> + +<p>Hurried from there straight to church to lead girls' prayer meeting; +some sixty turned up; off the point, though, in their prayers.</p> + +<p>And now for the cream of the day's work. Announced meeting for young +people, 7.15, in church; service of song; borrowed two lamps; scanty +light. Found immense crowd; many turned away; threw up side of tent; +numbers outside; some 500 young people and several old to watch.</p> + +<p>Shall never forget how they sang Psalm 146. It was glorious! We sang +Psalms and gezangen and some "kinder harp liederen" (children's +hymns); and for the last, Gezangen 12, "op lieder wijs" (to new +tune). Beautiful! Short address on Zaccheus—"Moeilijkheden" +(difficulties). The heartiest and most refreshing meeting ever yet +attended; had to stand in middle all the while, with hardly room to +turn myself. So delighted that announced another meeting for Tuesday; +fine moon just now.</p> + +<p>Great point is this—singing sounds lovely at distance, and can be +heard all through the camp and in hospital, and who <a name="Page_43" id="Page_43" />knows how many +hearts are not refreshed as the strains come rolling by.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker afternoon service; great crowd also.</p> + +<p>Now the day is over!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Tuesday, September 24.—Seedy all yesterday; no diary; straight to +bed; hot water from hospital; footbath.</p> + +<p>Managed to get half a dozen sheets zinc from Superintendent for +roofing.</p> + +<p>Distributed books to Elders yesterday afternoon.</p> + +<p>Felt rather hopeless to-day; so much to do; quite at loss where to +begin; inclined just to sit still.</p> + +<p>Visited southern corner of camp; Mrs. De Lint poorly; read letter +written by husband.</p> + +<p>Gave out "briefies" for rice to some tents.</p> + +<p>Astounded this evening by doctor, "Well, now, wasn't it fine that I +got you the right to grant briefies?" And this is the Donation Store, +quite independent of all Government Stores! A gentleman gave Mr. +Becker £50 for things; these goods arrived yesterday. Really, doctor +takes the cake—with baker and all! Told him a few gentle truths +about these goods.</p> + +<p>Letters from home; hope those groceries of mine will come along all +right; and that order for £20 worth of stuff<a name="FNanchor_54_54" id="FNanchor_54_54"></a><a href="#Footnote_54_54" class="fnanchor">[54]</a>. May I succeed in +getting the sole right of distribution when that arrives.</p> + +<p>Champion<a name="FNanchor_55_55" id="FNanchor_55_55"></a><a href="#Footnote_55_55" class="fnanchor">[55]</a> writes that at present he cannot fulfil order; +disappointing.</p> + +<p>One does long so for something nice—some extras which here are quite +unobtainable<a name="FNanchor_56_56" id="FNanchor_56_56"></a><a href="#Footnote_56_56" class="fnanchor">[56]</a>. Dry bread gets a bit monotonous after a while, and +the "vrekvlijs" becomes nauseous as the days roll by. It thrusts its +miserable, lean presence upon us day by day, and now it has become a +dreaded nightmare.</p> + +<p>"Kerkeraads vergadering" in tent this afternoon; six Elders to +discuss Sunday services; the grumblers would not rest until they too +had their own big marquee tent on the old site.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44" />Suggested that we have only one morning service in new place and two +afternoon services—one for old people at old place and one for young +at new place; could take further steps later on for a double morning +service if necessary; Elders agreeable; disperse.</p> + +<p>Funerals; four; Mr. Van der Merwe died last night; felt sick myself, +and made fool of myself at graveside; but really could not contain +myself as they lowered the remains of Mr. Van der Merwe into grave; +so big and fine a man; in flower of manhood; wife dead, child dead; +so gentle and patient in his suffering; felt so drawn to him because +of his huge helplessness. Hard lines! Hard lines! Poor Nurse Rouvier! +After all these weeks of devoted, patient, hopeful attendance. It +does make one feel rather low. Quite unable to make any sort of +address at grave; sorry did not ask Mr. Otto.</p> + +<p>Went through hospital; Mr. V.d.B. and Mr. Norval both dangerously +ill; fear the worst; pneumonia; former hard character, but to-day +quite softened; long talk; not yet saved; prayer; great suffering.</p> + +<p>Read Psalm 27 to latter and prayed; very thankful.</p> + +<p>Girlie Van der Berg in new ward very low; so weak. May God in His +tender mercy hear our prayer and restore her!</p> + +<p>Lenie Steyn; hysterical; delirious all day; last night great +consternation; got her into hospital this morning.</p> + +<p>Girl opposite her dying; mother's only child.</p> + +<p>In men's ward little boy (14) died too.</p> + +<p>Splendid meeting this evening; packed within and without(!).</p> + +<p>Service of song; crowd half an hour before time; singing can be heard +all through camp. May many a sad and weary heart have found in our +singing a balm for the aching, longing heart.</p> + +<p>Now for bed—glorious bed!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Wednesday, September 25.—Deathbed; sorrowful topic to write upon, +and yet why shirk it? Let me attempt what I have never before done—a +description of a deathbed. It is but human to hasten over the tragic +scenes of life, but this evening I want to tarry.</p> + +<p>Something prompted me to make early visit to the hospital, so went +before breakfast. In first ward went straight to little Mita +Duvenhagen's bed, and her I found very bad—struggling hard to +breathe; so young and yet so bitter a suffering!</p> + +<p><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45" />From there called by Mrs. Van den Berg to new ward, to come quickly, +as Lenie was dying. I went, and when I entered saw that God was going +to take her away. Let me not attempt to describe her angelic little +face of marble white, her beautifully chiselled nose, and her sweet +little mouth! Silently we knelt around her bedside—mother, nurse, +and I. Of her beautiful blue eyes I have said nothing, for they were +closed—the lids gently drawn, and the lashes trying hard to kiss the +soft smooth cheeks. "O God, come and help us! O Saviour, come and +take Thy place beside her bed—hold her hand—take her in Thy tender +arms and press her to Thy bosom! Bear her, Saviour, where Thou wilt, +for with Thee she is safe. Comfort our hearts and give us to bend our +heads in humble resignation—Thy will be done. Amen!"</p> + +<p>"Lenie, Lenie, Lenie, mij kind, jou mammie is hier bij jou, en Jezus +ook is hier om jou hand te hou—moenie bang wees nie, mij kind" ("My +child, your mother is here, near you, and Jesus too is here to hold +your hand—don't be afraid, child"). Under her weary eyelids she +looked at us, and a large tear gathered in her left eye. It glistened +like a diamond for a moment, and then became the possession of the +sorrow-stricken mother. Then we were silent and watched. Slowly and +gently the lids opened—now again we could look into those clear blue +orbs. Wider—wider—and still wider they grow—uplifted, right away +beyond the three forms of clay before her. See how the pupils +dilate—they seem to swamp the blue! And so for a few short moments +they remain. It was a gaze right beyond us to—- what! Will it be +old-fashioned to suggest "Angels," perhaps! Until I grow wiser I +shall hold fast to Angels. O, the mystery of the Unknown!</p> + +<p>And slowly, gently those lids sink once more to rest—to rest +indeed—for her spirit has fled. Peace, perfect peace!</p> + +<p>How passing strange, how majestic in its simplicity, how weird in its +tragic stillness—the passing of a Soul—the disunion of Body and +Spirit! Is this Death? Then may I never fear its shadow!</p> + +<p>Sunset and Evening Star!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, September 26.—Another day gone. What a day of sorrow and +tribulation!</p> + +<p>Slept like a log.</p> + +<p>Took round through camp late last night; heard distressing groans in +certain tent; made gentle enquiries; heard this remark after leaving, +"Nee, dit is een van die nach police wat hier rond loop" ("No, it is +one of the night police wandering about").</p> + +<p><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46" />Foundations of house laid<a name="FNanchor_57_57" id="FNanchor_57_57"></a><a href="#Footnote_57_57" class="fnanchor">[57]</a>; yesterday got use Scotch cart and +brought over some 1,000 bricks and stones for foundation; good +beginning to-day; now things will go swimmingly if weather remains +fine.</p> + +<p>Unbearably hot to-day; tent untenable; thankful house in course of +erection.</p> + +<p>Old story again; supply boards for coffins stopped, and now there is +the pitiful cry of those who seek wood to make coffins for departed +dear ones.</p> + +<p>Yesterday old Mr. Duvenhagen came in distress to me; begged from +Superintendent, and got him two little boxes<a name="FNanchor_58_58" id="FNanchor_58_58"></a><a href="#Footnote_58_58" class="fnanchor">[58]</a>.</p> + +<p>This morning had to tramp round to get hold of few boxes, for I +promised Lenie's mother I would provide wood. One does make very rash +promises sometimes—but anything to comfort stricken heart of +lonesome mother.</p> + +<p>That Mrs. Van der Berg has now lost her three children; her husband +sits in Bloemfontein Refugee Camp. This to me so inexplicable, so +unreasonable, so cruel. Why cannot husband and wife be allowed to go +in same camp?</p> + +<p>Well, I (next to) stole two nice planks in store tent, and what with +empty condensed milk box and my box which I used as chair, able to +give quite small fortune in wood for Lenie's coffin.</p> + +<p>Buried her and Mita Duvenhagen (both 14) this afternoon; also two +small children; "Laat de kinderen tot mij komen en verhindert ze niet +want derzulken is het Koninkrijk Gods" (Suffer the little children to +come unto Me, and forbid them not, for such is the Kingdom of +Heaven).</p> + +<p>Mita's grave away other end of cemetery (next her brother's), and so +I went and spoke few words at her grave too; sang "Voor eeuwig met +den Heere" (For ever with the Lord).</p> + +<p>Just before funerals went to see Lena Steyn; very low; "Zien, +minheer, nou, hoe waar dit was wat zij geze het" (Do you see now, +sir, how true her words were?). She always persisted in saying that +she was going to die; shall write more of her on another occasion. We +prayed at bedside and committed her into God's keeping, Psalm 23; but +she was unconscious, I think, although her eyes wandered from mother +to me.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47" />The procession had started already when I had still to hear wail of +old man of 76, "Ach, minheer, waar zal ik tog planke krij; mij vrouw +is dood, en ik kan nerens kiste krij nie" (O, sir, where can I get +boards; my wife is dead, and I can't get wood anywhere?).</p> + +<p>Last night carried out some papers in my box I use as chair and burnt +them outside. Soon man stood next to me, "Minheer, zal ik dan nie +daardie kisje kan krij nie? Onze ou baby is dood, en ik kan nerens +vir haar een stukkie hout krij nie" (Sir, won't I be able to have +that little box? Our little baby is dead, and I can't get a scrap of +wood anywhere).</p> + +<p>Early this afternoon another man came to me in great distress; also +no wood for coffin. It does seem so bitterly hard.</p> + +<p>Visiting whole morning, mostly down New Camp way.</p> + +<p>There is one man always at my back; times a day; came with most +wonderful request two days ago; wants me to get him a—guess? Baby! +Wife's died last week, and he is now loafing another.</p> + +<p>This afternoon two prayer meetings; men and women; took men's down in +old church (big tent there now), "Heere zijt mij genadig" (Lord, be +merciful to me). The women's, I hear, was packed. I had over 100 men; +very good, seeing so few men here; nine prayers.</p> + +<p>This evening children's service again; beautiful moon; glorious +singing; "Ik ga heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a +place for you); told about Lenie's deathbed; she is now in the +mansion prepared for her.</p> + +<p>Went straight thence to see Lena Steyn; saw women standing in front +of tent; heard sobs, and knew the worst. Poor, poor Mrs. Steyn! "Ach, +Minheer, ik het daarom nie gedenk nie dat dit oor die helfte zou gaan +nie" (O, sir, I really never thought that it would go beyond the +half); had six children; four gone now; husband Ceylon, and she is +the dearest little mother in camp almost.</p> + +<p>Knelt and prayed, and then mother said, "Kom, laat ons nog eenmal ver +haar gaan zien" (Come, let us go and see her once more); so went to +see Lena once more in morgue tent.</p> + +<p>Rest after weariness; calm after storm; light after darkness; day +after dawn.</p> + +<p>She passed away while the children were singing Gez. 11. While I +spoke to her (Mrs. Steyn) at tent she was laughing and sobbing +alternately; and then the thought flashed through her that there was +no wood for coffin, so I immediately took whole thing into my hands +and assured her I would provide and see that Lena gets coffin.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48" />Another rash promise! The Lord only knows where the wood is to come +from! Late this evening, when I took her some cocoa, Mrs. Steyn told +me that Lena had said that I would provide coffin. So guess it will +come out well in end. The presentiments this child had of her death +and other things simply marvellous. Am going to write at greater +length about her when I see mother again.</p> + +<p>And so these three girlies have gone to Jesus. Now, what has become +of all our prayers and supplications?</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Friday, September 27.—Longish day.</p> + +<p>Great question; where to get material for coffin for Lena? Remembered +that I saw that the school was supplied with bookcase, and that the +box in store tent (full of matches for distribution) could now be +otherwise used; removed all matches<a name="FNanchor_59_59" id="FNanchor_59_59"></a><a href="#Footnote_59_59" class="fnanchor">[59]</a>, and lo and behold! grand big +box empty and ready for carpenter; got matches distributed, each tent +got two boxes; Roos set to work, and with two more milk cases (loafed +at hospital), he was able to make quite respectable coffin. (A decent +and respectable coffin here made of scrap wood and small boxes fitted +together, and whole coated with preparation of boot blacking and oil. +A swell, extra fine coffin has a covering of cheap black material, +1s. 6d. yard.)</p> + +<p>Several came again to-day seeking wood; some even wanted the +galvanized iron for my roof.</p> + +<p>At graves this afternoon saw that they had made a shelf in a grave to +hold body and prevent ground falling directly upon it; made me think +of catacombs Rome.</p> + +<p>Seven buried this afternoon; stood right in front of Lena's grave.</p> + +<p>It was Mr. Becker's turn, but he was hindered from coming; rather +glad, for wanted to be there myself to-day; "En palmtakken waren in +hunne handen" (And palms were in their hands).</p> + +<p>Mrs. Steyn found the lost kinderharp (hymn book) I had given Lena few +days ago; found under her pillow in morgue tent this afternoon. When +I gave it to her she said, "Maar, minheer, moet tog nie vergeet om +mij naam in te schrijve" (Sir, you must be sure to write my name in +it). So I must remember to do it still. Poor Mrs. Steyn, how +resignedly she bears her cross! Sang "Voor eeuwig met den Heere" at +grave.</p> + +<p>Visits to-day on other side—269, 268, 487, 379, 178, 171, 262.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49" />Called at 329, and found it was same tent where I heard such groans +last night; imbecile woman, 53 years; very sick; great suffering; +spoke to her, and she actually called me by my name; glad I found +tent again; old father of 86; always so keen and hearty at +wood-chopping.</p> + +<p>Weeping woman came to me after funeral; "Minheer, zal minheer nie zoo +goed wees nie om vir Mrs. Engelbrecht in die hospitaal te vertel dat +haar kindje dood is, zij word nou begrave?" (Sir, will you be good +enough to tell Mrs. Engelbrecht in the hospital that her child has +died; she is to be buried now). So another painful task is in store +for me.</p> + +<p>Received short note from Assistant Superintendent requesting me to +discontinue briefies for foodstuffs, "I have now three medical +officers who are well able to attend to the sick and needy." And this +man (Superintendent) himself requested and authorised me to issue +such notes but four days ago. Comment on whole matter superfluous. O +for a little more logic and consistency with some people! However, I +suppose I can interpret these things in my own way.</p> + +<p>Held woman's prayer meeting this afternoon; good audience; "Viel aan +de voeten van Jezus en vertelde Him al de waarheid" (Fell at the +feet, of Jesus and told Him all the truth); six prayers; but O! such +long and wearying ones; thought men could drag it out, but let me be +silent about the women.</p> + +<p>House 3 feet high; doorway up; grandish.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Sunday, September 29.—No diary yesterday; too tired and listless; +eager for bed.</p> + +<p>What a grand thing to rest after work! Sleep, glorious, blessed +sleep; feel like writing an ode to extol its virtues. Yesterday +scorcher of a day.</p> + +<p>Spent morning in old quarter; work most wearisome.</p> + +<p>So many who call me in and pour out all their sorrows, and it is so +terribly hard always to be ready and willing to listen and +sympathise. One actually grows "dof" (dull) from sheer weakness. O +the monotony of sorrows and troubles!</p> + +<p>Called in to see woman who had just received news that husband had +fallen in battle. Such sorrow is too great to realise; one can only +stand afar off to behold—and weep.</p> + +<p>At 3 p.m. suddenly told that no one to take women's prayer meeting; +so had hurriedly to go without so much as minute's preparation; quite +large crowd.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker played me trick; he took funerals; four I believe, so I +had time to make short visit hospital.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50" />Doctor stopped me two days ago, and said the man B—— in hospital +wished to be left alone; so left him alone; but this evening he has +gone to meet his God. Could never make him out. Was it ignorance or +obstinacy or indifference? May God have mercy on his soul.</p> + +<p>Old Mr. Norval also died this afternoon; thank God; too terrible to +see him struggling with Death; unconscious the last three days; glad +read Psalm and prayed with him a few days ago.</p> + +<p>And so our fellow-men around us are carried off by Death; and now +they are solving the great mystery of the Hereafter. Stupendous +thought!</p> + +<p>These same men, women and children with whom I prayed, to whom I +spoke about eternal things—they know now what we are burning to +know. Is there Life after Death? Is there a Heaven? Is there a Hell? +What do the departed do just now? Is there perhaps a purgatory where +souls are purified? Is there a Throne above, around which a crowd +that cannot be numbered stand clothed in long white robes? What about +the palm branches? And a thousand more questions.</p> + +<p>"The just shall live by his FAITH."</p> + +<p>Last night children's service in lower church; great crowd; "En tot +zich zelven gekomen zijnde" (And when he came to himself).</p> + +<p>This evening similar service in upper church; very bright and hearty; +Miss Dussel sang hymn and solo part of "Mannen breeders" (Hold the +Fort); nice change in programme; accompanied her on autoharp.</p> + +<p>This morning went over to village and exchanged pulpits with Mr. +Becker; felt quite lost in big, empty church.</p> + +<p>Old sermon had to "bite off spit"<a name="FNanchor_60_60" id="FNanchor_60_60"></a><a href="#Footnote_60_60" class="fnanchor">[60]</a>; goodness knows where I would +have found time to prepare one.</p> + +<p>Had nice chat with Macdonald's father.</p> + +<p>Grand dinner; roast mutton and actually a dish full of gravy! Could +scarce believe my eyes; real gravy; how glorious; and rice too. Think +of it! Let me be silent about the dish of stewed peaches—I might +fill pages—a dish fit for the gods. Wonder what the look and smell +of a vegetable is? Have just faint recollection of such names as +potatoes, onions, beans, cauliflower, pumpkin, but I get a bit +blurred when try to discriminate; long absence has stunted my memory. +Believe there is a vegetable <a name="Page_51" id="Page_51" />called beetroot too, and wonder if the +name cabbage is correct. By the way, what do we call that stuff one +sometimes puts on bread for breakfast and tea? I believe, too, having +heard and partaken of a preparation called jam in days gone by. And +what, now what, do they always put in tea and coffee in other places? +Fancy it has whitish colour; have an idea it can be drunk pure too.</p> + +<p>Authority (Assistant Superintendent): "En wanneer eet julle Boere dan +breakfast?" (And when do you Boers eat your breakfast?)</p> + +<p>"O, ik het laatste in Brandfort breakfast ge'eet; hier het ik schars +genoeg vir dinner" (O, I had breakfast last at Brandfort; here I get +scarce enough for dinner).</p> + +<p>Had nice nap on sofa after dinner; what a noble thing a house is; how +spacious, how high, how cool! How unnecessarily large people do build +houses nowadays.</p> + +<p>At 2.45 had to race back for afternoon service; young people; great +crowd (700 about); prepared sermon during the fifteen minutes' walk. +Record service; forty-five minutes.</p> + +<p>Went through two wards hospital.</p> + +<p>Mrs. De Wet dying; poor old mother! But she said all along she +wouldn't get well again; several very sick there.</p> + +<p>Now for glorious bed.</p> + +<p>P.S.—Not yet; there came wail from hospital; so I went up; as I +surmised, Mrs. De Wet "gone home"; and shall I soon forget that +little band of women in black returning to their tents while the pale +sad moon cast its shadows of sympathy!</p> + +<p>"Ach, minheer, het ik nie gezondigd dat ik nie wou zien en geloof dat +zij gaat sterve?" (O, sir, did I not sin, in that I would not see and +believe that she would die?)</p> + +<p>"Neen. Dank God liever voor die Liefde in u die u verblind heeft. +Dank God dat gij hebt liefgehad" (No. Thank God rather for the Love +within which blinded your eyes. Thank God that you have loved).</p> + +<p>Another solving the great problem of the Unknown!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Monday, September 30.—End of month; cannot help remembering that +this was our finest, loveliest month in the Boland (Western +Province); and here we have been grovelling in the dust.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52" />Another frightful day of wind and dust; two evils; open the tent to +ventilate, and anon everything covered with layer fine dust; close +tent and one gets suffocated. And one's clothes! Let me rather change +topic.</p> + +<p>After burdens of yesterday felt more inclined for good quiet rest, +but tent too unbearably hot; so decided to do the hospital; there +knew I would find things cool.</p> + +<p>First to men's ward; then through three women's wards, and finally to +convalescent ward; nice and cool in wards, but grew horribly tired. +What with a word of cheer all round and a straight talk to boot, and +after a Psalm, short address, and finally (and hardest of all) a +prayer—great weariness becomes master, and one feels regularly +"pap."</p> + +<p>Hospital grown so large lately; takes few hours to "do" it +thoroughly.</p> + +<p>Best of all, one has assurance and conviction such visits are indeed +source of comfort and blessing; mindful now of that sick mother in +No. 3; so despondent, and how she thanked me after visit; "Ik voel +nou weer blij in mij hart" (I feel glad at heart again). Psalm 115; +"Vertrouw op den Heere; Hij is mijn hulp en mijn schild" (Trust in +the Lord; He is our help and our shield); "De Heere is onzer +gedachtig geweest" (The Lord has been mindful of us); beautiful.</p> + +<p>To my utter surprise found Mrs. Fourie in hospital; ailing lately; +sure this is much best for her. (The Van As's and Mr. and Mrs. F. +form one family circle here.)</p> + +<p>Anyhow, this afternoon simply "dead off"; lay on bed till 3 p.m.; and +yet one always feels uncomfortable to be idle one hour; it feels like +neglect of duty. What one longs for is possibility to have one day or +afternoon off regularly; something to look forward to; some time when +one can sit still.</p> + +<p>Funerals four (Mr. N., Mr. B., Mrs. De W., and girlie); "Dood, waar +is uw prikkel?" (Death, where is thy sting?).</p> + +<p>Felt unhappy and uneasy all through address, for B. had requested me +to leave him alone. Well, anyway my address was directly for the +living and not about the dead.</p> + +<p>Girl at door this afternoon; "Minheer, het min nie vir mij een +Wonderboek?" (Sir, havn't you got a Wonderbook for me?) "Hoe'n soort +boek?" (What kind of book?) "Een Wonderboek" (A Wonderbook). "Een +Wonderboek!" (head scratchings) "Nee, dit het ik tog glad nie. Maar +hoe'n soort boek is dit?" (A Wonderbook! No, I havn't that at all; +but what kind of book is it?) "Minheer, daar is tekste in om te leer" +(Sir, there are verses in it to learn). "Maar is dit dan nie een +Bijbel wat jij <a name="Page_53" id="Page_53" />wil he?" (But isn't it a Bible you want?) "Ja, +minheer, dit is een Bijbel wat ik wil he" (Yes, sir, it is a Bible). +New name for Bible—Wonderboek. Not bad!</p> + +<p>After tea called to visit very sick old man; long talk; no assurance +of forgiveness of sins. Spoke earnestly on Reconciliation with God as +first step; am afraid old man disappointed in me; fear he wanted me +to recite beautiful Psalms and so forth.</p> + +<p>Now for line re house; walls nearly done; two windows; to-morrow +roof; edifice stands "met 'n oprechte boog' '(with great show); talk +of day; Pastorie.</p> + +<p>Just returned from hospital; fear Mrs. Engelbrecht won't last through +night.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_27_27" id="Footnote_27_27"></a><a href="#FNanchor_27_27"><span class="label">[27]</span></a> Condensed milk.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_28_28" id="Footnote_28_28"></a><a href="#FNanchor_28_28"><span class="label">[28]</span></a> I had in my innocence written to Mr. Robertson to +enlist his sympathy on behalf of some people who wished to be removed +to other Camps where their families were. In this letter I casually +mentioned the meat affair. In the second letter, to my mother (who +was collecting to send me a fresh small supply of invalid food), I +stated that she was on no account to send such things unless it could +be guaranteed that I should have the sole right to distribute. I +adopted this precaution because I found that the authorities reserved +for themselves the right of distributing all goods (foodstuffs) sent +by private Relief Committees, doing with such as they chose. Needless +to say, both letters were destroyed.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_29_29" id="Footnote_29_29"></a><a href="#FNanchor_29_29"><span class="label">[29]</span></a> This can be altogether misconstrued. The "reasonable" +was only in comparison with the stormy interview of the day before, +when the Superintendent attacked me most fiercely. When I began the +second interview by saying I wished to resign, he changed front +altogether. It had been purely a game of bluff on his part. +</p><p> +It would perhaps be well to state here my attitude towards the +authorities in Camp. +</p><p> +It did not take me very many days to see exactly how things stood, +and I determined to have absolutely nothing to do with these men: to +ask no favours, and to be under no obligation to them for anything. +Of course, there came days when I was forced, under stress of +circumstances, to eat these resolutions.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_30_30" id="Footnote_30_30"></a><a href="#FNanchor_30_30"><span class="label">[30]</span></a> Martie Snyman.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_31_31" id="Footnote_31_31"></a><a href="#FNanchor_31_31"><span class="label">[31]</span></a> My great zeal in this matter led me to be rather severe +and inconsistent; just the same as a teacher who will stand no +excuses from his pupils.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_32_32" id="Footnote_32_32"></a><a href="#FNanchor_32_32"><span class="label">[32]</span></a> Betty Lotz.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_33_33" id="Footnote_33_33"></a><a href="#FNanchor_33_33"><span class="label">[33]</span></a> This child of four years gnashed all her teeth to +pieces before she died. She obstinately refused all nourishment, and +told her mother she did not want to live longer. She was indeed a +marvel. I gave the mother beef tea, which was all this child lived on +for two weeks. The mother used deceitfully (!) to give it beef tea +when it called for water.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_34_34" id="Footnote_34_34"></a><a href="#FNanchor_34_34"><span class="label">[34]</span></a> On the ground.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_35_35" id="Footnote_35_35"></a><a href="#FNanchor_35_35"><span class="label">[35]</span></a> Aunt; she was really the grandmother, though. Reference +is made later to this same case.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_36_36" id="Footnote_36_36"></a><a href="#FNanchor_36_36"><span class="label">[36]</span></a> For cocoa.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_37_37" id="Footnote_37_37"></a><a href="#FNanchor_37_37"><span class="label">[37]</span></a> These ladies never approached me, and yet they might +have known that I would naturally know more about the state of the +Camp than anyone else. The Superintendent led them about—where he +chose, I suppose. They were regarded with universal contempt by the +people. Their report I have not yet seen, but I know this: that the +Superintendent was not immediately dismissed as he should have been. +(This was only done in December.) Perhaps the subsequent extension of +the hospital and removal to a better site were due to these ladies' +suggestions. I remember, though, that we had quite decent meat (beef) +during the few days that they visited the camp.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_38_38" id="Footnote_38_38"></a><a href="#FNanchor_38_38"><span class="label">[38]</span></a> I had brought with me six tins syrup, a few tins jam, 1 +lb. of tea, and a little oatmeal.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_39_39" id="Footnote_39_39"></a><a href="#FNanchor_39_39"><span class="label">[39]</span></a> The Rev. J. Steytler, who had also gone to labour in a +camp. He was sent away for political reasons.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_40_40" id="Footnote_40_40"></a><a href="#FNanchor_40_40"><span class="label">[40]</span></a> This was my daily dilemma: Speak out and protest, and +be removed or imprisoned—hold silence and [Transcriber's note: illegible word] the +coward, and remain in the work. And I chose the latter.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_41_41" id="Footnote_41_41"></a><a href="#FNanchor_41_41"><span class="label">[41]</span></a> The rule was that a card, with the number of any tent +where medical attendance was desired, should be pinned to the +Chemist's Tent before a certain hour in the morning. Many chose to +have no attendance, so great was their fear and dread for two of the +doctors. Many, too, in spite of their cards, were never visited.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_42_42" id="Footnote_42_42"></a><a href="#FNanchor_42_42"><span class="label">[42]</span></a> Dutch idiom, literally translated, "pull through."</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_43_43" id="Footnote_43_43"></a><a href="#FNanchor_43_43"><span class="label">[43]</span></a> This calamity, fortunately, only cast its shadow—it +never fell. The Rev. Mr. Becker used to come over every afternoon, +and continued this labour of love until the end of November, when he +was prohibited from visiting the camp any more. How faithful he was! +How well I remember the little figure in black flitting hither and +thither among the tents. We seldom met in camp, but many a time I +smuggled into a tent where I had seen him enter, just to learn from +him to pray.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_44_44" id="Footnote_44_44"></a><a href="#FNanchor_44_44"><span class="label">[44]</span></a> Mr. Otto, the Schoolmaster of Dewetsdorp, a God-fearing +man, with a large heart and a great soul—a blessing to many.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_45_45" id="Footnote_45_45"></a><a href="#FNanchor_45_45"><span class="label">[45]</span></a> The last day for the Boers to lay down arms, according +to Kitchener's great proclamation.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_46_46" id="Footnote_46_46"></a><a href="#FNanchor_46_46"><span class="label">[46]</span></a> Whereon I used to hang out my bedding.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_47_47" id="Footnote_47_47"></a><a href="#FNanchor_47_47"><span class="label">[47]</span></a> Never was there crueller irony of fate than in this +doctor's case. He was altogether unpopular with the authorities, and +was at last dismissed for incompetence. When the news of his +dismissal became known, a petition was drawn up in his lines, praying +that he might remain. This was granted. The day I left hospital he +was carried in, stricken with enteric—and he died.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_48_48" id="Footnote_48_48"></a><a href="#FNanchor_48_48"><span class="label">[48]</span></a> Biltong is dried beef. These people were new arrivals. +Mr. Van As and I often remarked to each other that one could readily +distinguish the new arrivals from the rest—the former always +appearing ruddy and in good health.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_49_49" id="Footnote_49_49"></a><a href="#FNanchor_49_49"><span class="label">[49]</span></a> Baby Van As.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_50_50" id="Footnote_50_50"></a><a href="#FNanchor_50_50"><span class="label">[50]</span></a> Which I practically stole.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_51_51" id="Footnote_51_51"></a><a href="#FNanchor_51_51"><span class="label">[51]</span></a> Members of the Afgescheidene Kerk (Doppers) sing only +Psalms, never Hymns.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_52_52" id="Footnote_52_52"></a><a href="#FNanchor_52_52"><span class="label">[52]</span></a> This was Mrs. Van der Berg—Lenie's mother.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_53_53" id="Footnote_53_53"></a><a href="#FNanchor_53_53"><span class="label">[53]</span></a> Lenie van der Berg.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_54_54" id="Footnote_54_54"></a><a href="#FNanchor_54_54"><span class="label">[54]</span></a> My brother packed a box of groceries for me, and my +mother bought a fresh supply of invalid food.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_55_55" id="Footnote_55_55"></a><a href="#FNanchor_55_55"><span class="label">[55]</span></a> Merchant at Bloemfontein, to whom I had written for +groceries.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_56_56" id="Footnote_56_56"></a><a href="#FNanchor_56_56"><span class="label">[56]</span></a> The two shops in Camp contained precious little, and no +foodstuffs.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_57_57" id="Footnote_57_57"></a><a href="#FNanchor_57_57"><span class="label">[57]</span></a> Mr. Van As and Mr. Fourie were the contractors.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_58_58" id="Footnote_58_58"></a><a href="#FNanchor_58_58"><span class="label">[58]</span></a> How well I remember this incident; how we hopefully +approached the Superintendent's tent; how he gave two little boxes; +and how he said, "That's the way you spoil them," as I myself +unpacked the bottle straw for the old man. (The bottle straw had to +be saved for his horse's bedding.)</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_59_59" id="Footnote_59_59"></a><a href="#FNanchor_59_59"><span class="label">[59]</span></a> I got permission first.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_60_60" id="Footnote_60_60"></a><a href="#FNanchor_60_60"><span class="label">[60]</span></a> Literally from Dutch "spit afbijten"—bear the brunt.</p></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAP_III" id="CHAP_III" />CHAP. III.</h2> + + +<p>Tuesday, October 1.—Village whole morning; barber (at last); came +back wiser and sadder man; can safely stow away comb and brush for a +month; two packets of candles by piece of luck. Grand dinner; roast +mutton, rice, mealies, and canned quinces. May I never forget that +dish of gravy!</p> + +<p>Found goods from Champion had arrived; life again; pickles, jam, +"domel simmel" (golden syrup), cheese, and few pounds butter.</p> + +<p>Supper sumptuous; good spirits.</p> + +<p>Went through hospital wards.</p> + +<p>Young Joubert (20) dying; visited him twice; quite ready; waiting to +be taken; found mother at bedside.</p> + +<p>Old Mr. Plessis pleurisy; great agony; restless; fretful; fearful; +fear the worst; wonder if prepared to die?</p> + +<p>Straight to convalescent tent; reproaches; "Ach, minheer, het min dan +ver ons vergeet?" (O, sir, have you then forgotten us?); Psalm 103.</p> + +<p>Mrs. V.d.W. very, very bad; greatly comforted; beseeched me to come +again.</p> + +<p>In old ward also; some very sick; Mrs. Griesel, Mrs. De W., Mrs. +Steyn, Engelbrecht—all very low.</p> + +<p>Feel more and more to neglect hospital would be criminal.</p> + +<p>Then still two other women's wards, where had to read and pray and +speak word all round; and finally the children's ward; girlie very +bad.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54" />After rounds (seven wards) felt like king; happy; weary, yet withal +happy.</p> + +<p>And our camp? Total neglect. But will I ever here roll me snugly in +my blankets with the satisfaction that all the sick and suffering +have been visited?</p> + +<p>There have died up to September in our camp over 500. Appalling!</p> + +<p>Only one buried this afternoon (Mr. Becker); died in hospital.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, October 3.—No diary yesterday; listless to-day also; hot; +oppressive days; one just longs for day to end. Towards evening +(sunset) usually nice and cool, and wind goes down.</p> + +<p>What shall I write about? Diary becoming monotonous; too great a +sameness. Hospitals; visits; sick; dying; funerals; morose topic; +oppressive.</p> + +<p>Boer khaki in camp to-day. Result of visit, about a dozen have joined +forces of the English. Wonder if a worm wouldn't have more +self-respect! Such characters make themselves despicable and +contemptible in eyes of the English themselves. To us it brings +deep-down humiliation. Can a man sink so low? Enough.</p> + +<p>Two night ago some women and children cleared off—"for," said they, +"lest we starve here."</p> + +<p>Can a man (let alone a woman—breathe not of a child) remain healthy +and strong on bread, meat (miserable half-pound), coffee, and +condensed milk? And so, when a sickness comes there is nothing to +fall back upon—no resistance. And with a wasted constitution who can +battle against fever, pneumonia, and other things?</p> + +<p>And for those that grimly struggle through, there is nothing +wherewith to nourish and strengthen; no real milk; no eggs; wine; no +delicacies such as convalescents should be tempted with. About as +saddening sight as one can dream of is a peep into the children's +ward—poor wasted, withered little innocents!</p> + +<p>Mr. Otto buried eight this afternoon.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Friday, October 4.—Let me have a clean blank page for to-night in +honour of my new home! Here I sit in glorious solitude, actually in a +room! Four walls, four naked walls, but walls withal—stare down upon +me with their muddy countenances, and I have an idea that they smile +upon me in affection—four muddy brown smiles!</p> + +<p>And so my ideal has been realised; and I am proud possessor of a +house. Really word "house"<a name="FNanchor_61_61" id="FNanchor_61_61"></a><a href="#Footnote_61_61" class="fnanchor">[61]</a> seems too inadequate, too +insignificant wherewith to name it.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55" />(Later)—Short joy; rudely awakened to sorrows of life; mother just +gone by weeping bitterly; went out and took her home to her tent; +daughter dying in hospital; Ferreira (admitted yesterday, fever). +This morning still conscious when I spoke to her, and when we read +and prayed together. And now?</p> + +<p>Have just returned hospital; father there; girl evidently dying; +fever 105; quite unconscious; strong, strapping girl of nineteen; +knelt by bed and prayed; nothing impossible with God; while there is +life there is hope.</p> + +<p>Will postpone description of house till another occasion; under this +cloud one's ink gets cloggy and one's pen listless.</p> + +<p>Spent morning in hospital, and after—little visiting.</p> + +<p>Funerals, five children; "Laat de kinderen" (Suffer the little +children). Mother fainted at grave; great consternation.</p> + +<p>Large laager troops close by.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Sunday, October 6.—No diary yesterday; spent morning at river<a name="FNanchor_62_62" id="FNanchor_62_62"></a><a href="#Footnote_62_62" class="fnanchor">[62]</a>; +hour's walk; small party, seven; persuaded Mr. Fourie to join; wife +betterish.</p> + +<p>Forgot for the while there was such a thing as a camp, and in the +beauties, rugged and rude, of Nature able to enjoy life once more and +banish thoughts of sickness, hospitals, deaths, funerals, etc. The +grand old river!</p> + +<p>Returned early with Mr. F. and did few hours' visiting.</p> + +<p>To-day most busy and tiring day, as all Sundays are.</p> + +<p>Service at ten and again at three.</p> + +<p>Funerals at 5 p.m., four; after, prayer meeting.</p> + +<p>Luckily (!) weather threatening, so announced there would be no +meeting to-night; thankful in my soul.</p> + +<p>And now the gentle drops making music on my roof; really it is too +grand; one feels like living again to be in room where you can stand +upright all over.</p> + +<p>Miss Ferreira died last night; buried this afternoon; "Zalig zijn de +dooden die in den Heere sterven" (Blessed are the dead which die in +the Lord); large crowd at cemetery.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56" />But to think that so young and so strong a person should so suddenly +be called away; "Levende gaan zij de eeuwigheid binnen" (literally, +Living they enter eternity).</p> + +<p>Miss Van Tonder very, very low in hospital; cannot bear thought of +her perhaps dying; it will be too, too sad; so young, so good, so +patient. God only knows!</p> + +<p>Yesterday eight buried; mostly children.</p> + +<p>Let me rather fill pipe; get into bed, and listen to soothing rain +without.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Tuesday, October 8.—Getting lazy with diary; effects of comforts of +house, no doubt. Just copied Dr. M.'s list of patients; total 150; +mostly in new camp; wonder how on earth am to find time to visit +these tents; and this is but one of the three doctors' lists! So +one's time is just made up with visits to sick, and for other work +there is no opportunity. One gets "daarom" (literally, therefore) a +bit hopeless with the amount of work. O for a few more to help!</p> + +<p>Hospital runs away with whole morning; and positively cannot neglect +that work, and then come the funerals every other day.</p> + +<p>Buried four children this afternoon; one girlie I often visited; "En +zij brachten kinderkens tot Jezus" (And they brought children to +Jesus).</p> + +<p>One cannot help smiling sometimes in midst of death; the comic +element will crop up everywhere and the sublime verges on the +ridiculous. Old Mrs. Griesel, delirious, "Ach, minheer, en moet ik +nou sterve en dit zonder eers een glas karren melk to kry?" (O, sir, +and must I die now, and that without one glass of buttermilk?); +wonder, wonder how many will get well in that fatal ward. Give Miss +Van Tonder up, also Mrs. Steyn and Mrs. Griesel—but!</p> + +<p>Four children struggling with Death just now; among these a tiny +little girl three years—the dearest, sweetest, little cherub +imaginable. It knocks one over completely to see mother kneeling +silently by bedside. There is pathetic element in the utter +helplessness of human love. How hard to witness suffering with a +breaking heart and to be—helpless!</p> + +<p>Our new hospital matron arrived; let us hope for better things +now.<a name="FNanchor_63_63" id="FNanchor_63_63"></a><a href="#Footnote_63_63" class="fnanchor">[63]</a></p> + +<p>Found old Englishman (Hockins) in hospital; chat and prayer in +English; my first in camp.</p> + +<p>Big load of boards arrived this morning; now there will be coffin +material again for a short season.<a name="FNanchor_64_64" id="FNanchor_64_64"></a><a href="#Footnote_64_64" class="fnanchor">[64]</a></p> + +<p><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57" />To-morrow afternoon is service, and nothing ready yet.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, October 10.—Sad and gloomy day.</p> + +<p>Early visit hospital, and on entering fatal ward saw the two empty +places—Mrs. Griesel and Miss Van Tonder. O, the sorrow, the bitter +sorrow, of it! Went to morgue tents and saw her again in death who +had suffered so long and patiently these last few weeks. Rest after +weariness—sweet rest at last. But where, O where, are our prayers? +May God save me from sin of unbelief and doubt during these days!</p> + +<p>"Nie pijn nie, Minheer L., maar net zoo gedaan" (No, no pain, Mr. L., +but only so weary). Thus, when I asked her on my last visit if she +had any pain.</p> + +<p>That tent too much for me now, and could not enter there to-day. God +forgive my neglect!</p> + +<p>Three others (children) also dead hospital.</p> + +<p>Went late last evening to tents in "infected area"; found three +children all very bad, and one boy struggling in Death's throes; poor +little chap; he is gone since, and we buried him this afternoon.</p> + +<p>Thirteen coffins; so sad, so painfully sad. May I never forget the +weeping crowd around the open graves!</p> + +<p>"En God zal alle tranen van hunne oogen afwisschen" (And God shall +wipe away all tears from their eyes); sang, "Voor eeuwig met den +Heere" (For ever with the Lord). And now, where are these dead? What +would I not give to have short minute's talk with that good young +girl! What would she tell me? We read together so often, prayed so +often, spoke about enternal things so often. And now! What now? How +good and wise of God to withhold from our knowledge some certain +things.</p> + +<p>Our life here on earth must be one of Faith and Hope.</p> + +<p>Feel so horribly low this evening.</p> + +<p>Visits in camp, before hospital; again before funerals; also after +funerals; but making no headway; hundreds of sick all about, and +hundreds who can never be visited.</p> + +<p>Great concern yesterday; officials want now to remove my tent<a name="FNanchor_65_65" id="FNanchor_65_65"></a><a href="#Footnote_65_65" class="fnanchor">[65]</a>, +and I positively cannot do without same; and with all this worry had +to prepare afternoon service; sudden inspiration and wonderful grace +to boot; "Komt herwaarts tot mij alien" (Come unto me all ye that +labour).</p> + +<p><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58" />Service of great comfort to own heart.</p> + +<p>Saw Superintendent this morning; inflexible; I am powerless because I +was given the roof.</p> + +<p>One has to stoop greatly during these days.</p> + +<p>It hurts, it humiliates, it chafes; and one needs extra grace.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Saturday Night, October 12.—Saw most distressing case yesterday; +Mrs. Herbst, 398; bare and empty tent; one bundle of things; one +small bundle wood; few cooking utensils, and on the floor a bed +(!)—couple bags as mattress and a few blankets. And there sat the +mother with hands clasped round her knee and a little girl beside +her; "En het jij dan nie ander goed nie?" (And have you no other +goods?) "Nee, Minheer, dit is al wat ik bezit; hulle het alles van +mij weggeneem" (No, sir, this is all I possess; they took everything +from me).</p> + +<p>"En waar is die ander kindje?" (And where is the other little one?) +"Minheer, hij is gister begrave" (Sir, he was buried yesterday). +Alone and cast-away; no friends; poverty-stricken. Such sights enough +to make one's heart freeze within.</p> + +<p>Called at hospital again before afternoon visits to find out tent +number of Nellie van Tonder's parents; no one could tell; so came +away determined to find tent all same; passed doctor; "Hullo, Padre, +forgot to tell you of very bad case 715; afraid you won't find child +alive though;" so hurried away to 715; and actually there found +myself in very tent I wanted to visit. But I was too late for the +child. Carried him away ten minutes before I came. Such is life! +"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions."</p> + +<p>Instead of having to comfort and cheer in their loss of loving +daughter, had to pray God for grace to bear a new and grievous burden +of grief.</p> + +<p>(Later)—Just returned hospital; a little girl moaning most pitiably, +so I went to see what was matter; admitted this afternoon. +Inflammation of stomach; fearful pain; such a dear, sweet little +thing (can hear her moaning just now). Talked to her this afternoon, +and asked her if she knew Who had made her sick? "Ja, Oom" (Yes, +uncle). "Wie dan, my kind?" (Who then, my child?) "Khaki Oom" (khaki +uncle). Collapse on my part.</p> + +<p>Six coffins this afternoon; "Heere, maak mij bekend mijne einde" +(Lord, make me to know mine end); great crowd; painful delay; one +grave too short; had to sing three long verses while it was being +lengthened.</p> + +<p>Talk of day—Doctor got knocked down in camp this afternoon. Have not +seen him whole afternoon; offending party marched to gaol; wonder +what the issue will be!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59" />Sunday, October 13.—Glorious eventide. What grander than to sit +still at perfect rest after burden of a long and heavy day! What a +day to look back upon! I tremble when I think of what I am compelled +out of sheer compulsion to venture. Service this morning; "Deze zijn +het die uit de groote verdrukking komen" (These are they which come +out of great tribulation). This afternoon, "Hoe zou ik u overgeven, O +Efraim? U overleveren, O Israel?" (How shall I give thee up, Ephraim. +How shall I deliver thee, Israel?)</p> + +<p>"Scant and small the booty proved"—more's the pity!</p> + +<p>When will I find time to prepare myself decently?</p> + +<p>Anyhow, comfort myself with thought that if hearers knew (and no +doubt they do) how pressed I am for time, they will deal gently with +my scanty productions. For myself, whole subject very unsatisfactory +and unsatisfying.</p> + +<p>Immediately after service; funerals; Mr. Becker unable; seven or +eight, all children; huge crowd; splendid opportunity; "Gij dwaas +hetgeen gij zaait wordt niet levend tenzij dat het gestorven is" +(Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not quickened except it die).</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span>There is a Reaper whose name is Death,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Who with his sickle keen,<br /></span> +<span>Cuts the bearded grain at a breath,<br /></span> +<span>And the flowers that grow between.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>After funerals, girls' prayer meeting.</p> + +<p>Last and best of all—Service of Song, evening. Now what on earth can +be more beautiful than our meeting this evening? Such a crowd, and +such singing! Ten minutes, John iii., 16. And now the day is over.</p> + +<p>And the sick? And the hospital? All neglected; too pitiable to +contemplate. And Mrs. Grobelaar dying; when, two days ago, visited +her, said as I drew napkin from face, "Ach Minheer L., het min. dan +vir mij vergeet?" (O, Mr. L., have you then forgotten me?); she was +delirious most of day, but when I spoke to her she was quite +conscious. And how inwardly thankful when I prayed with her; poor +mother; her days on earth are numbered; both lungs gone.</p> + +<p>Little babe, Van Huyssteen, also dead this morning (mother shot on +their flight by English; babe pined away out of sheer lack of +nourishment).</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Wednesday, October 16.—Getting lazy with diary; mindful of old Mark +Twain.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60" />Hear woman's voice calling "Ambulance! Ambulance! Ambulance! in 172 +moet een meisje weggedra wordt" (Ambulance! in 172 a little girl has +to be removed). Here go the bearers!</p> + +<p>172 is just thirty yards from 177, where I take meals, and next to +171 old Mrs. Van Straten, whom I regularly visit, and yet I know +absolutely nothing of this girl's sickness nor her death till this +very minute. Enough to make one discouraged.</p> + +<p>Of Monday's work can't remember much except that I found the "summum" +of misery and distress in 678, Pelser's; whole family down measles; +poverty; filth; baby ill at breast (died yesterday, buried this +afternoon); sent food, but made her promise faithfully that children +would be washed to-day.</p> + +<p>What horrible thing is dirt! Surely one of greatest gifts is to be +able to appreciate the "clean."</p> + +<p>Funerals again Monday; "Zalig zijn de dooden die in den Heere +sterven" (Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord); so many children +again.</p> + +<p>Visit old Mr. Du Toit on way home.</p> + +<p>Now am I positively dead!<a name="FNanchor_66_66" id="FNanchor_66_66"></a><a href="#Footnote_66_66" class="fnanchor">[66]</a> "Mijnheer, min. moet mij tog een ding +beloove; om als de oorlog verbij is, die preek van min. te laat druk +enz enz, Om te doen gedenken" (Sir, you must promise me one thing, to +publish your sermon on 'To bring to remembrance' when the war is +over).</p> + +<p>"Kan jij nou meer!"<a name="FNanchor_67_67" id="FNanchor_67_67"></a><a href="#Footnote_67_67" class="fnanchor">[67]</a> Really now, after all there is nothing like a +good, long, square ear-to-ear grin in this world!</p> + +<p>Shall I deny, though, that there is just a wee drop of cheer and +comfort, huge as the joke is!</p> + +<p>Yesterday fellow who knocked down doctor returned; fined £5; and +since Saturday no one to do his lines<a name="FNanchor_68_68" id="FNanchor_68_68"></a><a href="#Footnote_68_68" class="fnanchor">[68]</a>.</p> + +<p>Found 597 very bad; young girl (Kruger); wants to die.</p> + +<p>245, Mrs. Du Preez; great pain; died last night, buried this +afternoon.</p> + +<p>Two little children remain behind; saddening.</p> + +<p>Buried six this afternoon; "Ik ben verstomd, ik deed mynen mond niet +open, want Gij hebt het gedaan" (I was dumb. I <a name="Page_61" id="Page_61" />opened not my mouth +because Thou didst it). Saw motherless boy and girl weeping at grave +(Mrs. Oliver, 107, 62, 50).</p> + +<p>In 62 the thinnest, skeletonest babe ever seen. How old and withered +up these little mites become!</p> + +<p>Asked Dr. M. visit 262, and try and get her admitted to hospital.</p> + +<p>Next morning actually—I repeat actually<a name="FNanchor_69_69" id="FNanchor_69_69"></a><a href="#Footnote_69_69" class="fnanchor">[69]</a>—I found her there. Am +wonderfully thankful; now the old grandmother can take her rest; poor +old soul; so faithful; so willing, and so gentle always. One can +understand better such sayings as "Faithful unto Death" when you +watch those around sickbeds here in camp.</p> + +<p>Found in 167 young mother (babe); arm very bad; no friends; alone; +Mrs. Van Staden took mercy on her when she arrived ten days ago; all +relatives in Norval's Pont Camp. How could she get well here!</p> + +<p>Got doctor yesterday to give her note to headquarters, and this +afternoon, after repeated visits, at length succeeded in getting her +off to Norval's Pont; poor little soul; may she now find rest for her +weary, fainting heart. (Feel rather satisfied with myself when I +think of her (Mrs. Van Wyk) and Mrs. Grobbelaar!)</p> + +<p>Saw this afternoon most marvellous "en aandoenlijk" (touching) thing +in camp.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Jacobs, 721; little daughter was shot through stomach on their +flight from English, some three weeks ago, and the child lay 'twixt +life and death for days; now she is quite well again; too wonderful +for words; "Minheer, kijk hier!" (Sir, look here), and the mother +unrolled a little flannel vest before my eyes. The front part had two +cruel, ugly holes, one an inch, other almost two in length; the whole +was as though dipped in blood. Let me be dumb—words would be wicked!</p> + +<p>"Ja, minheer, die hempie zal ik bewaar als die grootste schat op +aarde, en aan mij kinders en kinds-kinders vermaak" (Yes, sir, this +little vest I shall cherish as the greatest treasure I have on earth, +and shall bequeath it to my children and children's children).</p> + +<p>Splendid meeting this evening; hearty singing; Joh. iii., 16, last +Sunday; to-night "Een iegelijk" (Whosoever).</p> + +<p>Service this afternoon; "De Heere is mijn herder" (The Lord is my +shepherd).</p> + +<p>Glad to be able to go through hospital again.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62" />Good news; quantity of things arrived this afternoon. At last!</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Friday Night.—"Joy cometh in the morning," so it is written, and yet +it was grief and disappointment which came yesterday morning. One +case goods missing; and the very one which belongs to me personally. +After all these weeks of waiting—hard, hard luck! Never mind! Read +few days ago of remedy for "lowness of spirit," "neerslagtigheid" +(down-heartedness), "Think of the burdens of some individual you +know." Excellent! Now let me think of the sorrows of that unhappy +little mother, Mrs. Van Wyk, 167. When last wrote, she had left; but +yesterday morning she was sent back; papers not in order; and on +inquiries at office to-day was told point-blank (with a snub in the +bargain) that she could no more think of going. Such a life; had not +the heart to bear the news, for I heard she has been crying all +day—poor little castaway. Is there no pity? Feel like Kit Kennedy. +Would there were a bag of chaff somewhere near which I could pummel +soundly for half an hour, just to let off steam; just to pummel +something, seeing one cannot pummel somebody; it might ease the +strain.</p> + +<p>Why, this innocent creature, with bandaged arm and suckling at +breast, she couldn't hurt a fly if she tried; and yet, and yet all +this worry, all this endless trouble and disappointment, just to get +her from here to her mother in Norval's Pont—and now? Let me not +think on it! She will eat her heart away in sorrow, and no doubt soon +will be at rest in a bit room six feet by three.</p> + +<p>In hospital yesterday, found young girl (20), Henning's, dying; +enteric; so young; so strong; in flower of life; it seems too awful, +too contrary, "Levend zij den dood in" (Living they enter eternity); +and others again, little infants, will struggle and battle for life +for weeks and weeks, regular "Kannie doods" (Cannot dies, literally). +Great mystery!</p> + +<p>Mother at bedside; told me she said she was going to Jesus; "Ma, jij +het nou ver mij twintig jaar ge had en nou wil die Heere vir mij he" +(Mother, you have had me twenty years, and now the Lord wants me); +quite unconscious when we prayed; poor mother, the helplessness, +utter helplessness of Love!</p> + +<p>In other ward Mrs. Du Toit and Mrs. Grobbelaar very, very bad; saw +the worst, and prayed for them—and the end? End is this:—that this +afternoon we buried these three, and sang over open graves, "Ik +geloof een eeuw'ge leven" (I believe in life everlasting), "Ik ga +heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a place for you).</p> + +<p>I often marvel that never yet been at loss for suitable text to talk +about at graves. In beginning I used to have half-hour's <a name="Page_63" id="Page_63" />quiet +before funerals to meditate; now my meditation comes off as we slowly +wind to the sacred acre; and yet there has always been "sufficient" +and "according to the need."</p> + +<p>Visited old Mrs. Dussels, mother of Mrs. Grobelaar—"zoo tevreden, +zoo stil, zoo olijmoedig, door God's genade" (So content, so quiet, +so glad, through God's grace).</p> + +<p>Village to-day; jam; autoharp tuned; roses; treat for supper; +"rooster koek (scones) and grape jam.</p> + +<p>After supper called to sick old man; old Mr. Hennings very, very +weak; words of cheer; prayer; wonder if I shall ever see him alive +again; don't think it; tent 8.</p> + +<p>N.B.—So all my brag of last day "nul en van geene waarde" (null and +void).</p> + +<p>Mrs. Grobelaar, dead and buried.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Van Wyk, "As you were."</p> + +<p>Moral:——</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Sunday, October 20.—The blessedness of eventide, the satisfaction +after long and hard day's work; delicious feeling of rest and +contentment; soothing is such solitude.</p> + +<p>Yesterday rather "offish" whole day; felt just as though "it wouldn't +come."</p> + +<p>Visited family of Afgescheiden people; sterling Christian old lady, +Mrs. Van der Heever.</p> + +<p>In so far am at rest now with regard Mrs. Van Wyk; with doctor's help +we have got her and baby safely lodged in hospital; some consolation +anyhow.</p> + +<p>In ferver ward found Mrs. Olivier dying; fine, strong woman. How +cruel and relentless is Death; prayed at bedside; quite unconscious, +and passed away some minutes after.</p> + +<p>Very painful task yesterday, matter which has been awaiting +investigation some days already. Young girl of sixteen ran away to +River with view to getting into British lines. Bad character since +last year, when British entered Bethulie. Sent with mother to +Bloemfontein Camp on that account by military. Weeks ago she was +brought back from river, but refused to return to mother; found she +was staying with notorious villian E——, whose wife ill in +hospital....</p> + +<p>Yesterday afternoon Mr. Becker, Elder du Toit, and self straight talk +with E——. But oh, what a blackguard he is, and how devilishly good +and obedient! Made himself out a second good Samaritan.</p> + +<p>Took her to mother; willing to forgive and receive her back, if she +is truly repentant and promises to remain and obey. And <a name="Page_64" id="Page_64" />now? The +Lord only knows. Mr. Becker promised to call this afternoon; must +hold eye on her; must make her feel and know that we desire only her +welfare. Feel convinced that unless we get her converted to God +everything will be in vain.</p> + +<p>Hurried off to village; breakfast parsonage; return with magnificent +leg of mutton and salad; flowers.</p> + +<p>Church service soon after; fortunately could use sermon prepared for +last Wednesday afternoon, "Het leven is mij Christus, het sterven is +mij gewin" (For me to live is Christ, to die is gain). Splendid +congregation at both places.</p> + +<p>Visit Ottos; boy very, very bad; enteric; fear worst; prayer.</p> + +<p>After dinner, repose and preparation for afternoon service; restless +hour and half with no progress; 110 texts; no go, so in despair at +2.30 got up, and after bit prayer decided to preach to young people +on "En de Heere keerde zich om en zag Petrus aan" (And the Lord +turned and looked upon Peter); immense crowd; wonderfully helped.</p> + +<p>Funerals four; very large crowd; hundreds; splendid opportunity +again; "En de dooden werden geoordeeld naar hetgeen in de boeken +geschreven was" (And the dead were judged out of the things which +were written in the books). We are all busy, each with his own book, +and each day we add a page; but one day, like with these dead, we +come to our last page. What have we written? How do we write? When we +become God's children, God writes in letters of red—with Christ's +blood as ink—over the pages of sin we have till now written, +"Cleansed in Jesus's blood," and thence we write only to the glory of +God. And the little children we bury to-day—they too have their +little books completed, but I believe there was an angel to hold the +pen of each child, and that therefore their little books will be pure +before God.</p> + +<p>After funerals, girls' prayer meeting; very enjoyable gathering; +regulated prayers somewhat; first for our own special needs, second +and third for our camp—sick, weary, sorrowful, careless, +unconverted, hospital; fourth and fifth, relatives and friends far +away; Land en Volk.</p> + +<p>Tea, and at 7.15 our evening service of song (went to tea at 6.30, +people already going to service).</p> + +<p>Glorious singing, place inside and outside (?) simply packed; +reserved seats for nurses, who arrived few minutes late; "Prys den +Heere" (Praise the Lord) again; temptation too great; sudden +inspiration.</p> + +<p>"Wederzien" (God be with you) beautifully sung; also several +kinderharp; so hearty, so enjoyable; quarter-hour over time; +announced next meeting Tuesday night (D.V.).</p> + +<p><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65" />And now the day is over.</p> + +<p>Mr. Becker had huge crowd in lower church this afternoon while I had +young people. May God's Word not return to Him void!</p> + +<p>And now for a good old pipe, and a few good long thoughts of home, +dear ones, and friends.</p> + +<p>(This almost long enough for sermon, and needs only the Amen!)</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Thursday, October 24.—Long break, four days gone by; but one day is +like the other except that on alternative days I take the funerals; +for the rest, each day is like preceding morning, noon, and +afternoon—sick! sick! sick!</p> + +<p>O for a change in my work! The continual cry is "Minheer, kom tog +hier" (Sir, please come here), "Minheer, gaat tog daar" (Sir, please +go there), and one grows so weary of scenes of suffering and sorrow; +always red and tear-stained eyes; always Love, helpless, hopeless, +impotent, despairing; always face to face with Decay, Change, Death; +always the same close, stifling, little tent.</p> + +<p>Such a life here as "leeraart" (chaplain) full of dull, oppressive, +burdensome, wearying, saddening hours. O the monotony, the horrible +monotony of my work. How welcome the hour of sunset! How blissful to +lay me down to sleep! Thank God for his unspeakable gift of +sleep—that period of forgetfulness, of rest, of void.</p> + +<p>And yet let me confess, can there be any work grander, more glorious, +than just this work of mine? How one can revel in it! The unspeakable +bliss of being able to ease the burdens of one's fellow-men—the +supreme honour of being able to be a blessing. Surely the purest +pleasure here on earth—to bear one another's burdens.</p> + +<p>To-day a grievous, burdensome day—full of worry and trouble.</p> + +<p>Found that my tent had been unceremoniously pulled down and removed +during my morning visit in camp.</p> + +<p>Hurried home to find things lying in dire confusion, and unprotected.</p> + +<p>"Ai, maar dit was ook genoeg om'n mens regtig moeilijk en nukkerig te +maak" (Ah, but it was enough to rouse and irritate a person). But +what an utter absence of the faintest traces of some respect and +deference. There are men whose cold-blooded brutishness and +irreverence knock one over completely. One's person, one's +profession, is no guarantee, no safeguard—nay, I verily believe some +glory and revel in the act of making a fellow-creature miserable.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66" />So I sent in my resignation on the spot. "The indignity which I had +suffered at the hands of the authorities makes it impossible for me +to continue in my office."</p> + +<p>And of course this made a mighty change, and there were explanations +and apologies, etc., and at 1 p.m. I had another tent, and my +resignation safe in drawer.</p> + +<p>May I never have occasion to undergo such a mental, internal struggle +again. One positively has need of extra grace each day, so much as +regular supply and so much extra.</p> + +<p>But now day is over and the turmoil is over. Thank God!</p> + +<p>Funerals four; "In het huis mijns vaders" (In my Father's house); +felt offish; visited old Thomas du Toit; fear he won't make it.</p> + +<p>Thence old Mr. Van der Merwe; dying.</p> + +<p>Too dead beat to go to Mrs. Van der Berg, who I believe is dying.</p> + +<p>Girlie 169 also in Death's throes; horrid, cruel, wicked fever.</p> + +<p>168, girlie, pneumonia; wishes to die. "Minheer, ik wil tog liever +bij Jezus wees, hier is dit al te zwaar" (Sir, I would much rather +be with Jesus; here it is too hard).</p> + +<p>Visited Mrs. Van der Walt, 184, who lost three children some weeks +(in twenty-four hours); also old Mr. Venter; alone; wife and two +daughters died few weeks ago; poor old fellow! what cup of suffering.</p> + +<p>At the graves spoke to mother, "Dit is nou mij zesde, minheer" (This +is now my sixth, sir).</p> + +<p>Several in hospital dead too.</p> + +<p>Very sorry about old Mr. Hockins (he had died); did not visit him +during last few days.</p> + +<p>Hospital removed to-day; right out of camp; great undertaking. Will +mean so much more time lost for me.</p> + + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_61_61" id="Footnote_61_61"></a><a href="#FNanchor_61_61"><span class="label">[61]</span></a> Size of this house (!), 10 feet by 7 feet; height, +7-1/2 feet.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_62_62" id="Footnote_62_62"></a><a href="#FNanchor_62_62"><span class="label">[62]</span></a> The Orange River is an hour's walk from Camp.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_63_63" id="Footnote_63_63"></a><a href="#FNanchor_63_63"><span class="label">[63]</span></a> This is no reflection upon the two nurses, Miss Rouvier +and Miss Roos, who had the management of the hospital. The arrival of +a new matron simply meant more help.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_64_64" id="Footnote_64_64"></a><a href="#FNanchor_64_64"><span class="label">[64]</span></a> These boards were sold at 7s. 6d. a piece to the +people.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_65_65" id="Footnote_65_65"></a><a href="#FNanchor_65_65"><span class="label">[65]</span></a> This room was built at my own expense, but I was +obliged to ask the Superintendent for six old sheets of galvanized +iron for the roof. When the building was finished, I was told, to my +dismay, that my tent would now have to be given up, as I had been +given a roof.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_66_66" id="Footnote_66_66"></a><a href="#FNanchor_66_66"><span class="label">[66]</span></a> Exclamation of amusement—a literal translation from +the Dutch.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_67_67" id="Footnote_67_67"></a><a href="#FNanchor_67_67"><span class="label">[67]</span></a> Literally again, Can you want more?</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_68_68" id="Footnote_68_68"></a><a href="#FNanchor_68_68"><span class="label">[68]</span></a> Two very sympathetic doctors came about ten days later. +One was Dr. Stuart, the other's name I do not remember.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_69_69" id="Footnote_69_69"></a><a href="#FNanchor_69_69"><span class="label">[69]</span></a> This emphatic surprise because of the great dislike +that was usually shown to accept dying patients.</p></div> + +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CONCLUSION" id="CONCLUSION" />CONCLUSION.</h2> + +<p>Here the Diary ends abruptly.</p> + +<p>The last entry is Thursday, the 24th October.</p> + +<p>I continued work until the Sunday following; but after the services +of the day I felt a little more than simply tired. On Monday, +however, the funerals had to be taken in the afternoon. That was the +last duty done in camp. Then I knew enteric was upon me, and on +Friday, the 1st November, they carried me into hospital.</p> + +<p><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67" />After more than a month in hospital, during convalescence (but while +mentally affected) I ran away to the Van As's. It was a case of +mental delusion. The whole issue of the war depended upon me—could I +be kept in hospital, then the English would win; was I allowed to +escape, the Boers would win.</p> + +<p>After ten days in camp again (for I was wisely left alone), it slowly +dawned upon me (while waiting for a permit to return home) that every +one had been bought over to conspire against me. So I left the camp +one evening after dark. Mr. Becker was the only man to be trusted, and +to the Beckers forthwith I fled.</p> + +<p>In another ten days my brother arrived to take me home.</p> + +<p>During these days of blank, my chief pastime was to recite the Burial +Service.</p> + +<p>When once home, complete recovery came speedily.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="NOTE_TO_CONCLUSION" id="NOTE_TO_CONCLUSION" />NOTE TO CONCLUSION.</h2> + +<p>A.—Three subjects there were which, while writing the Diary, I +decided to treat fully later—"The Daily Funerals," "The Sanitation," +and "The Officials." This could be done from memory, and could well +stand aside while devoting my time to the daily experiences.</p> + +<p>There is, however, too much of the morbid in the Diary already +without wilfully adding more, so "The Daily Funerals" is let alone.</p> + +<p>The second will be too disgusting, so it must stand over too; and as +for "The Officials," two have since died (December, 1901—enteric), +and so that chapter as well may not be written.</p> + +<p>B.—One word more on the mortality of the Camp. Here is the official +record of the deaths:—</p> + +<table border="1" summary="Table by year and month of official death counts at the camp."> +<tr><td>1901</td><td>May, June, July</td><td align="right">47</td></tr> +<tr><td></td><td>August</td><td align="right">175</td></tr> +<tr><td></td><td>September</td><td align="right">236</td></tr> +<tr><td></td><td>October</td><td align="right">154</td></tr> +<tr><td></td><td>November</td><td align="right">236</td></tr> +<tr><td></td><td>December</td><td align="right">276</td></tr> +<tr><td>1902</td><td>January-March</td><td align="right">183</td></tr> +<tr><td></td><td><b>Total</b></td><td align="right">1307</td></tr> +</table> + +<p>The Rev. Mr. Becker, however (who made a point of noting down the +exact number of deaths each day) gives 206, 246, 157 as the totals +for August, September, October respectively. The amended grand total +would then come to 1,351.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h4>TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES:</h4> + +<p>Variant spellings have been retained. In a few instances, punctuation and +spelling errors have been corrected. These are listed below.</p> + +<p>1) In Footnote 20, the original reads: "The flour given was good for the +bread was usually excellent." A comma has been added.</p> + +<p>2) In Chapter II, page 16; the original reads "A cenus taken lately".</p> + +<p>3) In Chapter II, page 39; the original reads "same +one I had long tallks with before".</p> + +<p>4) In Chapter II, page 49: the original reads "so had hrriedly to go".</p> + +<p>5) In Chapter II, page 52: the original reads "What one longs for is +possibility to have on day or afternoon off".</p> + +<p>6) In Footnote 51, the original reads: "... sing only Psalms. never +Hymns." A period has been replaced with a comma.</p> + +<p>7) In Chapter III, page 58: the original reads: "you won't find child +alive though;;".</p> + +<p>END OF TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES</p> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Woman's Endurance, by A.D.L. + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WOMAN'S ENDURANCE *** + +***** This file should be named 16859-h.htm or 16859-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/8/5/16859/ + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Audrey Longhurst, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Woman's Endurance + +Author: August D. Luckhoff + +Release Date: October 12, 2005 [EBook #16859] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WOMAN'S ENDURANCE *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Audrey Longhurst, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +Woman's Endurance. + + +BY A.D.L., B.A., CHAPLAIN IN THE CONCENTRATION CAMP, BETHULIE, +O.R.C., 1901. + + +CAPE TOWN: PRINTED BY S.A. NEWS CO., LTD., 1904. + + + + +To THE REV. H.C.J. BECKER, OF BETHULIE, O.R.C. + + + + +PREFACE. + + +_DEAR READER_,-- + +_A perusal of the following "Introduction" by the Author, and of his +true and touching "Diary," will assuredly carry the conviction into +your own soul, if you still require conviction, that our South +African women were the heroines of the late deplorable war._ + +_May this pathetic relation bring us all nearer to one another in +sympathy and love; and serve to awaken in every woman's breast the +desire to emulate and perpetuate the pure faith and noble devotion +which these Sisters of ours have handed down to us and to all +posterity as their priceless legacy._ + +_In undertaking the responsibility for the publication of this +"Diary," I may simply state that the proceeds will be given towards +the support of the Orphanage at Bethulie._ + +_Yours, etc.,_ +D. DE VILLIERS, +_Secretary, Boer Relief Committee_. +CAPE TOWN. + + + + +INTRODUCTION. + + +This Journal was written in the Bethulie Concentration Camp just two +years ago. + +A few days after my return from Europe (whither I had gone for six +months on the completion of a Theological course at Stellenbosch), a +telegram came from the Deputy Administrator of the Orange River +Colony, through the Rev. Wm. Robertson, inviting me to work as +Chaplain in one of the Concentration Camps. + +The Rev. Mr. Pienaar, who had received a similar invitation, and I +therefore journeyed down to Bloemfontein a few days later. We +received great courtesy at the hands of Sir Hamilton Gould-Adams, the +Deputy Administrator, and every kindness from Mr. Robertson. + +In a few days it was finally decided that Mr. Pienaar should go to +Irene, in the Transvaal, and I to the Concentration Camp at Bethulie. +Thither I forthwith travelled, arriving at my destination on the 21st +August. + +The thought suggested itself the very first day that I might desire, +in after years, to recall my experiences in Camp, and so I decided to +keep a diary. This thought, and this alone, prompted me in the +matter. Of an evening, therefore, just before retiring, I noted down +the doings of the day, consulting at such times always my pocket +note-book. + +What was written was done hurriedly, on the impulse of the moment--in +fact, simply scribbled down without, of course, any regard to style, +language, or form. Stress of circumstances must be held responsible +for the many undignified expressions in which the Diary abounds. It +should not be forgotten, moreover, that I was usually tired out after +the day's work, when these entries were made. + +For almost a year the Diary lay in my desk before I could summon +courage to re-read it. After it had been hidden again for another +year, I rashly promised a sick friend to send it for her to read. +Fearing, however, that she would not be able to follow all the +contractions, I decided to copy it over, and it was while thus +engaged that it became clear to me that it should be published. Cui +bono? is of course, the question which must be faced. The only answer +I wish to plead is that this work is a tribute to Woman's Endurance, +and that it presents in the story of that endurance, and the +fortitude of the Dutch women and children, one of the nobler aspects +of the late war. And is not this plea enough? Cannot we sometimes +forget the inevitable political aspect of things and see beyond into +the human? + +In conclusion, this: A diary is simply a confidential talk to one's +self of one's self--such is its prerogative. While, then, sending +forth into publicity this Journal in its entirety, so as not to mar +its integrity, need it be suggested how hard it is occasionally to +lay bare the naked soul within? + +Durbanville, +Cape Colony, +September, 1903. + + * * * * * + +NOTE. + +As reproduced here, the Diary is substantially the same as the +original, except for:-- + +1. Contractions, which are written out. + +2. Slang, for which, where it could be done, inoffensive words are +substituted. + +In form it is given absolutely unchanged. + +I have found it necessary to add a number of notes, and to translate +all the Dutch. + + + + +DIARY. + + + + +CHAP. I. + + +Bethulie Concentration Camp, August, 1901. + +Wednesday, August 21.--Arrived station 8.30 a.m. (from Bloemfontein); +tedious delay; no pass to village obtainable, official in village for +breakfast; number of refugees in same train, among them a sick girl, +with fever: "Pappie, Pappie, ach mij ou Pappie!" ("Daddy, daddy! O my +dear daddy!" Thus she cried whenever she was touched, as they carried +her out of the train, and lifted her on to the wagon. She was +fever-stricken and terribly emaciated. (Reference is made later to +this same girl.) Alas! Arrival village; visit parsonage (Becker's); +dinner; things forwarded per wagon; arrival camp (mile out); meet +superintendent; given a tent; dust; misery; the Van As's offer me a +home; kind; bitter cold night; leakage; bad draught; bad cold; feel +lonesome; orphanish; pipe to rescue; great consolation. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, August 22.--My tent untenable position; in the +thoroughfare; speak Superintendent; obtain new site; private; buy 150 +bricks 1s. 6d., hire three boys, barrow 1s. 3d.; with miershoop +(antheap, excellent for making floor) make brick kraal; hard work; +Mr. Van As[1] and Fourie grand; fine floor. + +First visits: Young girl, orphan, bad; Weinanda, little girl, "Ja +Oom, ik is nou bij mij Mamie" ("Yes, Uncle, now I am with my +mother"); mind wanders. Third tent: Two babies wrestling with death; +mothers raadeloos (in despair); 486[2], wife, babe at breast, +measles; daughter, 14, convalescent; behind screen three children +sick, measles; condition pitiable; husband prisoner Ladismith; great +dirt; unbearable; the pity of it! + +Pitch tent; wet floor; inside dire confusion. + +Meeting Church-square thirty-nine elders[3]; each a block; prayer; +introduction Rev. Becker; kind words and cheer. + +Early bed; restless night; hospital close by; commotion; groans; +fifteen buried to-day; service for Mr. Van As. + + * * * * * + +Friday, August 23.--Early bird; wash spruit[4]; first shave (tears); +Van As coffee; pathetic sight; old man leading old wife back to tent +from hospital; Hugo; son just died. + +Visit Hugo's; dinner Van As; outspan (rest); cigar grand. + +Unpack; three Red Cross boxes (gift of the chemist); order out of +chaos; spirits revive; visits 2.5 p.m. + +Dying child; mother broken-hearted. + +Dying mother; clear doorway; deathbed grim attraction for our people; +prayer; understands. + +Widow; husband found dead outside in night; heart disease. + +Sick child (since dead); sick child; sweet face; Louw. + +Visit sick child of yesterday, also Weinanda. + +Stray; hear cough; enter; father invalid (wife dead); three sick +children; youngest very bad. + +Comfort mother of dead child. + +Funerals (seven), Mr. Becker: "I was dumb and opened not my mouth." + +Burial ground; about 120 graves; weeping mothers; visit dying child; +fool of myself, broke down in prayer; the helplessness in presence of +Death! + +Throat hoarse; dead off; return tent; meditate; convinced this work +the very hardest in whole world. + +Avoid taking guide next time (handicapped). + +Neglected to visit 486 and mothers of yesterday's dying children. + +Stienie[5]; down measles; jelly. + +Mr. Otto's dear loving daughter[6] died hospital. + +Fourteen corpses (in morgue tents). + +Very many old friends all about of Papa's and Oom Jacob's[7]. + +One man disappointed; had expected Oom Jacob. + +Night: Strains of Psalm-singing; calm and fresh after shower of +rain; follow ear; Snyman; short conversation. + + * * * * * + +Saturday, August 24.--Evening: Coughing; wailing; crying; groaning. + +Exhausting day; pure, clear air after refreshing rain. + +The misery in our Camp heart-rending; hopeless to cope with work. + +Up early; coffee in hospital kitchen; work. + +235a; six orphans; baby; dirt; sad! + +241; mother died to-day suddenly. + +239; boy 12, Ignatius; malignant growth shoulder; hopeless; pining +away. + +249; child; measles. + +468; Venter; motherless infants; all sick; food scarce; despair; +powerful grandmother (arms!); daughter; all measles; "Ziet, minheer, +die dochter is nog'n lady: sij is nie getrouwd nie" ('This daughter, +sir, is still a lady; she is not yet married'); Bengers; beef tea.[8] + +485; Van Heerde; mother and tentful of sick children; pitiable; +camphor; brandy. + +487; Engelbrecht; Mrs. P. de Lint[9]; wonderful discovery; yet withal +sad; father India; children ill; wife broken-hearted; great +rejoicing; thanksgiving for change. + +321; Old Mr. De Villiers, grand old man; great cheer to myself. + +268; Mrs. De Villiers; five children sick. + +383; mother died last week; daughter this morning; "Minheer, dit was +de prachtigste sterfbed wat ik ooit gezien het" ('Sir, it was the +most beautiful deathbed I have ever seen'); "Dag, tante, ik gaat naar +die Heere Jesus toe" ('Good-bye, Aunt, I am going to the Lord +Jesus'); remaining daughter very, very bad; "Minheer, moet assemblief +bid dat ik kan gezond word" ('Sir, you must pray, please, that I may +recover'); little hope; inflammation. + +292; Van der Berg; wife died last night. + +81; casual visit; Mrs. Van Staden; Mrs. Otto; sick children. + +80; Mrs. Van der Merwe died to-day; old lady, Mrs. Pienaar, ill in +bed; when I repeated some verses Gezang 65[10], old lady forestalled +me line for line. + +612; "Ach mij lieve ou Pappie"; better. + +Five hours' incessant work; wearisome; thank God when twilight comes. + +Work here for ten men; no chance alone; no show; the helplessness of +it all! and there are hundreds sick and dying that I know not of, and +that I could not visit even should I know. + +My brothers-elders must help me more. + +Had I not seen body of 80 removed I should never have known. + +Funerals this morning; twelve; rude coffins; rough and ready biers +(six); young Hugo; "Gelijk een bloem des velds" ("As for man his days +are as grass; as a flower of the field so he flourisheth")[11] + +Visit Mrs. Liebenberg, whose girlie was buried; prostrate; never saw +glimpse of Mr. Becker. + +Great concern because of the difficulty of cleanliness amid such dire +straits; point determined; to warn and exhort one and all to the +strictest cleanliness[12]; for "cleanliness is next to godliness." + +Saw long convoy travelling past. + +Eighteen corpses in morgue tents. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, August 25.--Longish day. + +235a; six orphans[13]; nice and clean; very satisfactory; boy bad. + +383; still same; poor girl. + +113; death; child; much misery; Olivier. + +Church 1.30; open air; glorious weather; attentive congregation; +singing impressive; majority stand; grand pulpit(!); regular rostrum. + +Afternoon work begins 2 p.m., ends 7 p.m.; incessant, wearying. + +Twenty-eight visits. + +Our Camp one large hospital, with hundreds wrestling with measles, +pneumonia, fever. The sorrow of it that I never can sit down and say, +"Now I have visited all the sick." There are hundreds of whom I know +nothing. + +Horrible whistle that! It signals the morgue tent people to come and +remove the dead. It is Death's shrill, harsh, jarring, triumphant +shout! It shivers one through. + +176; great misery. + +235b; child died; food needed. + +375; dead child. + +175; a most harrowing spectacle; Badenhorst; old father; old mother; +bedridden 15-year-old boy; water head; simple; old mother feeds it +mouth to mouth[14]; "Die kind, leeraart, het ik nou al lang afgege +aan de Heere Jesus!" (This child, Pastor, I have given to the Lord +Jesus long ago.") She dotes on this imbecile, poor mother. Such a +simple, homely, gladsome, believing old heart. "Ik ben velen een +wonder geweest" ("I am a wonder unto many"); me certainly; daughter +with sick girlie; "De Heere het haar ver ons terug gege" ("The Lord +has given her back to us"); there was a fire in their tent, and this +young mother was badly burnt to the bone (wrist). + +169; Heever; four children; all sick. + +450; great distress; Du Toit; child sick; no nourishment; young +mother sick; only child dead. + +526; De Wet; daughter delirious; dying; two others sick on the floor; +pathetic. + +372; Kotze; baby dying; two others sick; great friends Oom Jacob. + +156; Joubert (or Ackerman); daughter; floor; dying; measles and +pneumonia. + +15; Barnard; two daughters; one dangerously sick; poor anxious +mother! While hurrying to relieve with some beef tea and Benger's +Food stopped on way by desperate mother. + +471; Marais; eight children; all sick; no nourishment; two very bad. +To think of it! + +After tea called to 235; orphans; boy very bad; sisters' tears. + +Also 211; Roux; daughter; pneumonia. + +Again 383; much drawn to that child; large, soft, trustful brown +eyes; asked yesterday that I pray she might get well; to-day +otherwise; trusting. + +Distributed beef tea and Benger's food to some very urgent cases; the +thankfulness melts one's heart. + +Funerals; fourteen. + +Found on getting home plate food on box; enjoyed same at tea; great +cheer to be with the Van As's. + +Closed Sunday School; children sing "Dat's Heeren Zegen!" ("The +blessing of the Lord descend on thee.") + + * * * * * + +Monday, August 26.--That imbecile boy died to-day; the old mother +sent for me, but I found no time to go. + +Don't think 526 will last long; gave candles, beef tea and Benger's +Food this evening. + +383 much better; smiled this morning when I entered. + +339; great tribulation; six deaths in one week. + +440; girlie; sweet face; wonder if she will die or live; very, very +bad; Cloete. + +288; Mrs. Venter; young wife; sick; five children sick; gave beef tea +and Benger's Food. + +352; the lost little lamb found; one of my first, whose number I had +omitted to take; Weinanda; five years; pining away; large grey eyes; +far-away look; poor little mite; Ken jij ver mij, me kind?" (Do you +still remember me, child?") "Ja, Oom; Oom is de Predikant" ("Yes, +Uncle; Uncle is the Minister"). "Is Weinanda blij dat Oom weer gekom +het?" ("Is Weinanda glad that Uncle has come again?") "Ja, Oom; Oom +is goed om te kom" ("Yes, Uncle; it was good of Uncle to come") +Wonder if I really am rather soft; but when this little mite clasped +her tiny hands together when Oom began to pray, I was bowled clean +over. + +35, 156, 15 rather better. + +At 34 found old friends of Oom Jacob; Wernich; the old woman weak; +very nice to meet so many great friends of Oom Jacob and of Papa from +Colesberg; old Mr. Du Plessis can't get over it. + +Wasted much time at weekly meeting of the Elders; impatient; each +Elder has block of sixteen tents to care for; heard reports; nearly +all report general sickness. The amount of sickness just now is +terrible; a vast hospital; the bitter cold nights play havoc; most +lie on the hard bare ground. + +Fighting grimly with uncleanliness; the idea that it is dangerous to +wash with measles; rot! + +Another great point; must insist that friends and relatives abstain +from all long-faced despondency, with total absence of any cheer and +hopefulness; this bad effect on patients; if anyone seriously ill, +they "hands up" and cluster around to await the end, lest perchance +they miss seeing "zoo 'n prachtige sterfbed" (such a beautiful +deathbed). + +Mrs. Botha (outer Camp) sent for me; penitent; wonder if it is only +the fear that drives her, or whether it is a genuine case of true +repentance; she has measles badly. + +91; mother sick; five children (and one in hospital). + +Sad about 398; buried two children this afternoon; this is the third; +mother also dead; husband sick; glad I found time to see him; poor +fellow. + +458; great distress; old grandmother; sick mother; sick children; no +nourishment; no candles; very helpless; Benger's Food, beef tea, and +candles. + +Made only about twenty-two visits to-day. + +Relieved Mr. Becker funeral service; seven this afternoon; had no +time to prepare; reckless; got through somehow; "Het wordt gezaaid in +verderfelijkheid, het wordt opgewekt in onverderfelijkheid" (It is +sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption). + +"Ja, leeraar, hier in ons Kamp wordt daar nie droppels tranen gestort +nie maar emmers vol" ("Yes, Pastor, here in our Camp it is not drops +but bucketsful of tears that are shed"). + +There are about a dozen corpses in morgue tents just now. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, August 27.--The blessedness of eventide. + +Letters from Issie and Louise; seem to have forgotten for a brief +space the sorrows around. + +Record day so far; visited thirty-five tents; very hard task. It is +so delightful to offer up a thanksgiving prayer for a change; the +usual "noodgebed" (emergency prayer) is most wearying. Thank God, +that in some I found "beterschap" (convalescence). + +Am striking out in new direction now; there is too much despondency +and heaviness of spirit rampant; anyhow, extremely difficult task, +for the conditions all around are most lamentably depressing. + +Am going to sew blankets into bag this evening, a la Hanglip[15]; +last night bitterly cold; frost this morning; to-day very hot again; +these two extremes so disastrous to the sick. + +440 little better, and 383 much better. + +190; Mrs. Taljard died last night. + +Deaths at 201, 312, and 460 also; and all these had never yet been +visited. Here is where the dissatisfaction comes in; and yet, how am +I to know? + +In 436 a child died; mother in great sorrow. + +Next to 416 is Mrs. Van der Walt; very sick; not at all serene +within; such cases very hard. While at dinner suddenly called to Mrs. +Van der Walt--death's throes; prayer; when at dinner, on return, +heard the horrible whistle go. + +Our wood is done, and there remains nothing wherewith to make +coffins; will have to bury in blankets to-morrow I fear; this will +cause extra affliction and unhappiness. Pitiable to see husband of +Mrs. Van der Walt pleading for boxes which could not be given; and he +was "schatryk" (very rich) they say. There will be a great outcry, +I'm afraid. And yet, after all, will a coffin save the soul? + +After dinner, 169; baby died; mother sorely stricken. + +Visited old mother in 25 again, and spoke few words of cheer; she is +an old Christian; blessed me for coming. + +In luck's way to-day; felt inclined for handwash, and was taken into +tent 335; Horak's; relations of old Jaap's[16]; nice, clean, tidy; +delighted; happiness; mother; daughter; autoharp; lemon syrup; must +go again if I can. + +"Wie is daar? Wat is dit?" ("Who is there? What is it?") + +"Zal Minheer L---- assemblief gou kom naar Mrs. Meintjes? Zij le op +sterve!" ("Will Mr. L---- please come quickly to Mrs. Meintjes? She is +dying!") + +Just returned; delirious; called her by name after prayer, and she +became conscious for a few seconds; fear her moments on earth are +numbered. How good of those girls to watch over her! Husband rushed +out of tent in tears. Now, what could I do? + +"Is there no pity sitting in the clouds can see into the bottom of +our grief?" + +10 p.m., walked through Camp. + +Great coughs; little coughs; deep coughs; shrill coughs; hoarse +coughs; long coughs; short coughs; coughs that are no coughs at all. +Wonder how many are to die to-night! + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, August 28.--Now if there is anything that rubs me up the +wrong way, it is to see a crowd around a tent doorway, watching the +end. Yesterday I lost my temper at 35, and gave it hot all round. +Such barefaced curiosity is revolting; I hate it. + +Yes, 35 (21 years) passed away last night, and so did 415 (Mrs. +Meintjes), whom I visited late last evening. + +This morning the black list was laid on my table; twelve[17] in the +night--339, 415, 125, 253, 180, 526, 419, 35, 353, 450, I didn't +expect 415 to live long. + +The night has been a most restless one; "Ja, minheer, ons het +vannacht nie rust gehad nie" ("Yes, sir, we had no rest last night") +(morgue tents men). + +I woke at 2 a.m. with the tramp of these bearers removing +corpses[18]. + +One longs for day, and the night seems never to end. + +Twice funerals--morning at 11 a.m. (six), "Leer ons alzoo onze dagen +tellen" ("So teach us to number our days"); afternoon, 4 p.m. (six), +"En de dooden werden geoordeeld uit hetgeen in de boeken geschreven +was, naar hunne werken" ("And the dead were judged out of those +things which were written in the books, according to their works"). + +Our wood has given in, and we are forced to bury in blankets. But let +me not think on it! It is painful to remember, and our people feel +very deeply. + +The Van der Walts managed to put together an apology for a coffin, +and there was something pathetically comic about that production. I +think it was made of candle and milk boxes. + +That reminds me, what queer pastimes some folks can have. One man +casually informed me that he attends all the funerals! But some folks +unconsciously delight to wander in the sombre shadows of life. A +funeral to me is a most fatiguing duty; more so when one has to give +an address at the graves, and there is no time for preparation except +on the march to the burying ground. I am getting reckless, for I am +forced absolutely to rely on impromptu grace. I tremble, when I think +what I risk each day. + +Visits only a dozen, owing to funerals. + +Sad about 91; very bad. + +599, 602, 606, 16, 238, 327, all new tents, with great affliction; +must go soon again. + +Called to 117; Nel; young wife; just received tidings of her +husband's death in Ceylon; desperately stricken; hard, hard case. + +Called to hospital; Annie Bothma[19]; strong young girl (twenty); +very bad; just struggling to live; mother holding hand. Foeitog! +(alas!) So well and strong; horrid pneumonia; have visited her again, +and cannot get reconciled that she should die. And yet she yearns to +be "ontbonden" (loosed), and begs of me to pray to that effect. Now, +God forgive me, but this dying girl's request I cannot, cannot accede +to. Humanly speaking, she simply cannot live; it is only her +abnormally strong constitution that fights so grimly. I have wrestled +with God for her life. Oh, she must not, may not, die! Think of the +weak, frail mother--of the father far, far away in Ceylon! "O ye of +little faith"; and yet I firmly believe God can still spare her life. + +Yesterday, row about the miserable meat[20]. Some women rather +violent and loose with tongue; to-day committed to imprisonment. +Yesterday my letters were returned by the Censor. I boiled over for +some time; such a little snob, who is too big for his boots! +Pinpricks; will fight it out to-morrow. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, August 29.--Went back to hospital after writing above, and +then I did indeed pray as the sick girl desired. God took her home at +about two this morning. Poor child! she did suffer so very much, and +yet withal so patiently; "Die doctor het mij gif ingespuyt en gif +ingege daarom lei ik zoo zwaar" ("The doctor injected poison into me, +and gave me to take poison; that is why I suffer so bitterly"); very +likely morphia had to be injected. Whenever I repeated a verse to her +she would say the lines in advance. + +After breakfast I went to village for first time; saw Magistrate; +obtained residential pass; hunted high and low for boards for coffin +for Annie Bothma. At last, after despairing search, succeeded in +getting six boards and two boxes; hope they will be enough wherewith +to fashion some sort of a coffin. + +Dined with the Beckers. + +Deaths last night--8, 129, 401, 52, 427, 213, 239, and one in +hospital. + +Very trying afternoon among the dying. + +One woman just giving her last breath when I entered to pray for her; +lamentation. Roaring lion, because of the crowd of inquisitives; +stood at doorway and addressed them; said I was ashamed of their +conduct; boiled over. Simply will not stand such things; and yet such +things are inevitable with a camp of 650[21] tents all crowded +together; with hundreds swarming all over, and countless children. Am +going to put a stop to children visiting morgue tents[22]; should not +be allowed; will see Superintendent to-morrow. + +91 very bad. + +I usually make a last round after the day's work to take Benger's +Food and beef tea, etc., to urgent cases. When I got to 268, found +she had died soon after my visit. + +Have written to Issie and Mr. Robertson. + +Wonder how long my things will last, and what I shall do after that. + +Dead tired. + + * * * * * + +Friday, August 30.--Village; morning visits. + +Found 91 died in night. + +Dropped in to speak few words to old woman in 25; don't think she +will last very long. + +79; boy sick; relapse; Van der Berg; baby died yesterday + +Mrs. Castelan lies sick in 76; husband Bloemfontein Camp; three +children sick; also daughter just out of hospital (1-1/4 months). + +Called in at 217; Du Preez; very nice, clean people; daughter very +sick; pneumonia; found her very much distressed, and that because the +thought of being buried without coffin was so repulsive; "Net sous +een beest" (just like an animal). We must not anticipate God! + +Am much distressed that 383, who was getting well so nicely, and who +smiled when I looked in yesterday, has died. + +Mother died few weeks ago, and sister few days ago. + +Near the coalfields[23] I was called to see Mrs. Van der Walt; 191; +heart bad; most desperately anxious to be taken "home," and quite +ready too; wonder if she will live through the night! + +When a person decides and is determined to die, the chances at +recovery are very poor indeed. + +Mr. Otto called and asked me to take prayer meeting 2 p.m. "En Samuel +bad den Heere" (And Samuel prayed unto the Lord). + +Then came the inevitable funerals, ten, among others Annie Botha. Oh, +the sorrow of it! the sorrow of it! Nothing is more regular than that +dreary procession every afternoon at four o'clock. + +Several in blankets; "Ik ben verstomd, ik deed mynen mond niet open, +want gij hebt het gedaan" (I was dumb, I opened not my mouth because +thou didst it). + +Met old Tollie's[24] brother; rejoiced. + +Found sick orphan girl I visited first day; much better. + +Nice dinner; nice supper; "vet schaapie en vet ou bokkie" (fat lamb, +fat little goat), which we bought. + +Wonder what I would have done were the Van As's not here; so happy +with them; everyone always so cheerful[25]. + +At tea called to pray with dying little girl; went immediately, and +found tent full of weeping and wailing women; the little girl was in +death's throes; short prayer, and when I finished her spirit had +fled; mother frantic; hard, very hard to know how best to comfort. A +woman is a wonderful network of cross-wires, and when these wires +get unstrung or entangled, the result is most distressing. In +presence of such, one feels hopelessly lost, and all one can do is +to--walk away. And yet, for downright, dogged perseverance--for +silent, struggling endurance--for quiet, patient suffering--commend +me to a woman. What would become of Man without the Woman! + + * * * * * + +Saturday, August 31.--Glum; just returned from dying boy, Herklaas; +young, strong; father Ceylon; visited him yesterday; said he did not +want to die because his father was away, and he had to care for the +mother. Touched late last night, and found him very bad; went down +again with doctor[26]; this morning he was better, but this afternoon +worse, and now (10 p.m.) I find him dying. I am very, very +down-hearted to-night, and am tempted to think that, after all, +God--No! I won't write it, because I believe this is a temptation of +Satan! But oh! we did pray so fervently that God should spare his +life; he is still so young and so strong. Found some more inquisitive +onlookers. Some folks will put themselves to endless inconvenience to +be able to witness a deathbed. They revel in it. I am vexed in my +soul, and feel as though I could knock down everyone of them. + +Funerals twice to-day. + +This morning I buried seven; "Het wordt snellijk afgesneden" (For it +is soon cut off). + +This afternoon Mr. Becker buried six. + +There were twenty corpses in morgue tents this morning. + +This afternoon a column struck camp half a mile north of our Camp. + +To-morrow is Sunday; I am quite unprepared, and must hold two +services. + +Walked through Camp this evening (10 p.m.); found several women busy +round fire; all to warm "pap" (poultice) for sick children. Pneumonia +is playing havoc. + +Better stop; feeling tootoo to-night; and besides, my two letters +have again been returned by the Censor, and I am too cross for +anything. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[Footnote 1: Mr. Van As and Mr. Fourie laid out the floor for my +tent, and encircled it with a 9-inch wall.] + +[Footnote 2: Each tent was numbered.] + +[Footnote 3: Not real church elders; each, however, had a block of +tents under his care.] + +[Footnote 4: Stream between Camp and village; it only had running +water, though, after rain.] + +[Footnote 5: Mr. Van As's eldest daughter.] + +[Footnote 6: Sannie Otto was the bosom friend of Sarah van As. Sarah +has since died.] + +[Footnote 7: My father was for many years minister at Colesberg, and +my uncle again at Fauresmith.] + +[Footnote 8: Some friends at Durbanville subscribed about L20, with +which I had bought some invalid food, to take down with me from Cape +Town (beef tea, Benger's Food, jelly, arrowroot, dozen bottles of +port). While visiting the sick I noted down the most distressing +cases, and after the day's work I made a final round to these tents +with some of this invalid food.] + +[Footnote 9: Pieter de Lint, an old College friend.] + +[Footnote 10: Our Hymnary is divided into Psalms and Evangelical +hymns (Psalmen en Gezangen).] + +[Footnote 11: I decided to note down always in diary my text for the +address at the gravesides. Our people expect the pastor to give an +address before reading the Burial Service.] + +[Footnote 12: What with water to be carried, rations to be fetched, +wood to be brought and chopped, food to be cooked (in the open), +bread to be baked, washing to be done (not to speak of the menial +sanitary duties), it was indeed hard for a mother (herself perhaps +weak), with a number of sick children, to keep her tent clean.] + +[Footnote 13: Van Huysteens. The mother was shot while they were +fleeing before the English. There was a babe of five months.] + +[Footnote 14: As a pigeon feeds its young.] + +[Footnote 15: Where I have often camped out.] + +[Footnote 16: College chum.] + +[Footnote 17: The twelfth was probably in hospital.] + +[Footnote 18: When removing the dead from a certain section of the +Camp, the bearers had to pass my tent.] + +[Footnote 19: She was a probationer.] + +[Footnote 20: The women, brandishing the meat ration on high, +literally laid siege to the official tent. The meat supplied was +miserably lean, quite unfit for consumption. I myself wouldn't have +given it to a dog. When thrown against a wall, for instance, it would +stick. Throughout the Camp it was dubbed "vrekvlys" (a man dies, an +animal "vreks"--vlys is meat). The flour given was good, for the bread +was usually excellent.] + +[Footnote 21: This number soon grew to 800.] + +[Footnote 22: There were three such tents about 100 yards beyond the +hospital; they were the most dilapidated tents in the whole Camp, +always open; they were occasionally blown down.] + +[Footnote 23: A ration of coal was sometimes served out.] + +[Footnote 24: Another old College chum.] + +[Footnote 25: The Van As's received my ration (which was same as +theirs), and I took all my meals with them.] + +[Footnote 26: This doctor, a most capable man, was always most +friendly to me. I had learnt to humour him, and he was ever willing +to accompany me, even at night, to desperate cases. He was, however, +almost as universally detested as he was feared, and ultimately was +knocked down by an irate husband.] + + + + +CHAP. II. + + +Sunday, September 1.--Recklessness; preached twice to-day without any +preparation; "sommer uit die vuis uit" (literally, straight from the +fist); simply compelled to; very unpleasant day; wind and dust; made +services very short; fifty-five minutes. + +In afternoon a large crowd of young people. + +Mr. Otto took funerals for me this morning (eleven buried). + +This afternoon Mr. Becker buried six. + +About fourteen have died since last night. + +It is pitiable to see the innocent little children and babies +suffering and struggling against the accursed pneumonia; and there +seems no hope when once they get it. Poor little mites! + +A census taken lately gives 683 as the number of sick. Milk ration[27] +has been stopped since yesterday; new sorrow. Our Camp a veritable +valley of desolation. For the very essence of sorrow and misery, come +here! For weeping, wailing mothers, come here! For broken hearts, +come here! For desperate misery and hopelessness, come here! What +would become of us if we had not our Religion to fall back upon! +What, if we had not the assurance that a Good and Merciful God reigns +above! What if there was no Love! What, if there was no hope of the +Resurrection and Life Everlasting! What, if there is nothing beyond +the Grave! + +The nights here are so awful, and one yearns for day; and then the +fearfulness of being awakened repeatedly in the night by the tramp of +those who carry away the dead to the morgue tents. I woke last night +in such a way, and knew that they were bearing young Herklaas away. +One grows a bit pessimistic under the circumstances. Despite my +services, I had to visit several sick--mostly dying children, with +weeping mothers. It is so hard to pray, and so very wearying. And +then, to comfort and cheer, when your own heart is lead within. + +In the hospital there are many sick; am neglecting the hospital, and +my conscience hurts, but am going regularly from to-morrow; must find +time somewhere. + +Mrs. De Lint's children are all sick; baby very bad; poor woman; am +so sorry for her; Peter away in Ceylon. + +Those deep rings round the eyes, which one sees all about, bear +testimony to nights of watching and of anguish in the heart. May God +take pity! + +Monday, September 2.--Bitter day, the bitterest I have yet had; +Superintendent furious because of my last letters[28]. The worst is I +see that I am altogether misunderstood, and that I am suspected now +of interfering and working against the Superintendent. And yet this +is not so, for I would go to-morrow if I knew I was at all hostile to +the authorities. I fear I have been indiscreet in what I wrote; shall +have straight talk to-morrow, and ask Superintendent to let me resign +if I have not his confidence; there must be no suspicion, otherwise I +cannot stay. This matter is a load upon my heart. + +Busy day; new tents 63, 552a, 50, 40, all with sick children except +552, where young man is very sick. + +Called to hospital; Mrs. Retief dying; prayer; expired just after. +Hurried to 34, but found I was just too late; Mrs. Ackerman just +died. + +156; very sad case; mother, Mrs. Joubert, died this morning, and when +I came I found three helpless little ones all alone, and sick too; +father in Bloemfontein Camp; the grandmother will provide, I +understand. + +Had short conversation with Mr. Branders, Superintendent Sunday +School, and decided to exhort parents to send children to school. + +395; Mrs. Botha very ill; twenty-eight days in bed; advise removal +hospital; this afternoon doctor called and said she was dying; she +leaves a baby. + +Went to few cases with doctor; very interesting; get on well with +him. + +Visited 239, Ignatius, with malignant growth on arm; must soon die. + +Took doctor to see 36; young girl suddenly sick; great misery there; +bad ventilation; four others measles. + +Funerals this afternoon (about nine); "Hetgeen gij zaait wordt niet +levend tenzij dat het gestorven is" (That which thou sowest is not +quickened except it die). + +Visited hospital to-day, and mean to go regularly each day. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, September 3.--Went to Superintendent first thing to-day; +reasonable[29]; long talk; reconciled; thank God. + +Found boy in 34 very, very bad; this afternoon stopped bearers on way +to morgue tents, and learnt that they were carrying him away; poor +little fellow; he suffered so very much! + +In 35 there is also great sickness. + +27; Mrs. Taljaard; very sick baby; also sick boy; husband commando. + +Hospital; read and prayed in the three wards; glad I went; some very +seriously ill; so sorry to hear that Miss Hendriks died this morning; +she was very bad; spoke to her yesterday, and prayed with her; she +enquired restlessly, time after time, "Is dit nog nie vijf uur nie?" +(Is it not yet five o'clock?). At five this morning she passed away. + +The men's ward quite full; all ages; all were so glad to have me read +and pray. + +541; Mrs. Steyn; two children gone; very sore; glad I went. + +500; Mrs. Schoeman; eight children; two sick; husband Ceylon. + +503; Mrs. Robertson; baby dead; two boys sick; husband fighting. + +In 418 great misery; Mrs. Herbst ill and three sick children. + +In 322 called in to pray for dying baby. + +Very busy afternoon; always stopped on way and called in. + +Neglected 475. + +The poor little mites! the horrid, cruel pneumonia! and there seems +to be no saving them when once the pneumonia, grips them. + +Mr. Becker took funerals, seventeen; several in blankets. + +And so we go forth day by day; the dread whistle; the regular tramp +of the bearers to morgue tents, and the slowly winding procession +every afternoon. + +Called hurriedly to hospital twice; dying girl just brought in; could +understand. + +Hysterical girl Martie[30], swearing and cursing all round; each +nurse in particular, and the whole lot generally. + +Old Mrs. Van Zyl, 492, evidently dying. + +Called to enquire after old Mrs. Oosthuizen; found she had died soon +after last visit. + +Pleasant evening; stories of my travels; in Italy once more. + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, September 4.--My visits to hospital I love. + +That one girl such a sad case; fever and most terrible headache; they +say it is sunstroke. + +Hysterical girl quiet. + +Filth and stench in some tents almost unbearable. + +Nos. 34 and 35 very bad; ventilated tent myself; some folks built +that way, and sickness becomes their trench behind which they +shelter. But I will persist in maintaining that no matter the +sickness, no matter the distress and poverty, cleanliness is a +possibility anywhere[31]. But what an opportunity for the careless to +degenerate! + +Managed to get bedstead for Mrs. Van Zyl; fear she won't last long. + +I wonder what the safest policy would be when two women pour out +their griefs into your ear at the same time. When they simultaneously +tell you all about their departed cherubs? Some people selfish in +their sorrow. Took little camphor brandy Mrs. Niemand's; tent full +lamenting womenfolk; and the helpless babe casting her black eyes +from one to another. Some people will insist on anticipating the +Almighty (the child is dead, though). + +Saw a child to-day the very image of a mouse; two months' illness; +large ears; black eyes; thin, bony hands; huddled together. + +Very busy afternoon. + +Funerals at 4 p.m.; eighteen corpses; "En God zal alle tranen van +hunne oogen afwisschen" (And God shall wipe away all tears from their +eyes). + +How can one's heart remain hard? Can one be unmoved when you see +weeping, stricken mothers kneeling in anguish beside their infants' +graves? + +Love, after all, is the greatest and most mysterious of all things. + +Explain it that a mother can cling to a helpless, idiotic, deformed +boy for fourteen years, and feed him mouth to mouth! Explain that a +mother can sit up night and day, day and night, with a sick child! +Look at those deep-set eyes, sorrow-sunken, their care-wornness, and +tell me what is this Love that endureth all things! + +Two things have I learnt during these fourteen days which till now to +me were "all fancy"--the meaning of Love and the thing called +Religion. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, September 5th.--Tent overhauled; floor rubbed and "smeered" +(coated); very miserable, windy day; dust; dirt; towards evening cold +south winds; fear it will work havoc with the children to-night. + +Hospitals; so sorry about Miss Snyman; quite delirious to-day; wonder +if she will live. + +Hysterical one[32] quite tame; "Ach, minheer zijn hand is tog zoo +koud; ik wens, minheer, wil die heele dag mij kop hou" ("Ah, sir, +your hand is so very cold, I wish you would hold it to my head the +whole day"). + +Found things cleaner at 35; still great misery. + +Fear old Mrs. Van Zyl will die. + +The De Wets (526) sad way; so many sick; one daughter dead; two +children in hospital; this afternoon baby died. + +Neglected to go to Mrs. Niemand--poor little mother! + +De Lintz in great misery; gnashing teeth girlie[33] weaker. + +Some people selfish in their sorrow; but I don't suppose a man can +fathom the love a mother bears her child! + +Near Church (!) great misery; sick mother (husband Bloemfontein) and +four sick children; all helplessly ill; no one to help; and water has +to be carried and wood fetched and chopped. + +Milk supply has been stopped in Camp; this causes great distress. + +What sorrows one is to find tent upon tent with sick children and no +nourishing or invalid food; not even milk. + +Wonder if there can be suffering greater than what some folk endure +here. + +Mr. Becker funerals; four, I believe, only (!). + +Eight died since yesterday afternoon; may a change come speedily. + + * * * * * + +Friday, September 6.--Handicapped with a horrible cold, which won't +go away; throat hoarse; unpleasant day, very; wind, dust. + +Daily routine: Hospital; visits; dinner; visits; funerals; visits; +supper; bed. + +Nine buried this afternoon; "Heere gij zijt ons een Toevlucht van +Geslacht tot Geslacht" (Lord, Thou hast been our dwelling-place in +all generations); dreary business. + +There have died during one month (August) about 230 people. + +A new doctor has come, and now I hope things will grow brighter. + +Miss Snyman in hospital little better. + +Sad case this evening; found mother at bedside[34] of sick child; she +has lost two already this week, and this one is the last; husband +died Green Point. The sorrow of it! May God spare that child's life. + +Hear from Mr. Becker that the old Tante[35] beyond the Camp, with +sick mother and sick children, has broken down. What on earth will +become of them? + +Some here unconsciously overdo it, and overtax their own strength in +their grim fights with Angel of Death. A sort of superhuman power +sustains them for a time, and then--the collapse! + +But there sings the kettle![36] + + * * * * * + +Saturday, September 7.--To-morrow is Sunday, and my sermons? O, the +recklessness of it! I had determined to set aside this afternoon for +preparation. + +Morning very busy. + +Mrs. Mentz' child dead. + +Hospitals; hysterical girl very bad; fear she won't pull through; +others betterish; except the fever one; very weak. + +In men's ward, old Mr. Petersen dying; quite conscious; waiting on +God; Ps. 23. + +Another youth also very bad. + +Arrangements upset; funerals this morning (seven); had to rush to +overtake procession; Ps. 39, "Handbreed" (an hand-breadth). + +Found I was burying Mrs. De Lint's infant and also "she of the +gnashing teeth." + +Sorrowing mothers; I always hurry away when the first sod falls with +its horrible thud; it unstrings the chords of one's being, and the +best thing is to depart. + +Spent afternoon in; at five, went to few tents. + +Old Tante yonder; the great collapse; very sorrowful; faithful unto +death. Weeks of toil; untiring efforts with sick daughter and her +three sick children; poor; helpless; no one to assist save little +Billy, who herself is sick. And now--now the daughter is better, the +three children on the way to recovery, and the faithful old +grandmother? Nunc demittis. She has lain there like a log since +yesterday without nourishment; took beef tea; kind neighbour brought +broth; made her sit up, and she gulped down the food; will try and +get her removed to hospital to-morrow. + +Visited Mrs. Naude of yesterday; anguish; the last child died this +morning; husband gone; three children gone; alone. Made fool of +myself. O, the pity of it all! + +Long visit from Doctor; desperate; at wit's end; and with a sermon +hanging upon my mind. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, September 8.--Most awful day of wind and dust. May I never +see such another. + +Church (!); open air; clouds of dust; people just simply buried in +dust; could scarcely read; whole service forty-five minutes. + +During sermon compelled to turn round and shut eyes; saw on opening +them that my black hat had changed to my brown one. + +Met wailing women on return; Mrs. Lubbe; news of husband's death; +shot in war; frantic; visited this evening; hopeless. What could I +do? frantic despair; cruel anguish unconsolable. Grief makes one +unreasonable. I think one should fight against grief and not collapse +so readily; and yet--and yet! + +Funerals five; old Mr. Petersen; large crowd; availed myself of +opportunity; "Alleen wiens namen opgeschreven zijn in het Boek des +Levens des Lams" (But they which are written in the Lamb's Book of +Life). + +May God not let His word return to Him void; read also Psalm 25, +which I read to old Mr. Petersen just before he died. + +Accompanied Mrs. Mentz to see husband in hospital; youngest child +dead; father knows not; in fear and trembling lest she should tell. +He gave her half an orange to give the little girl (buried already); +I must tell him of child's death to-morrow; bitter task. + +Disappointed about hospital; could not go through thoroughly; some +there who won't pull through, I'm afraid. + +On way home from funerals called in to pray for dying children; found +I was too late at the first tent; much grief and wailing; second +tent; baby dying. + +Neglected to go to old mother beyond; wonder if! + +This evening two girls came to ask for candle; great misery no light; +gave half a candle; visited this evening Van der Walt; sorrowful; +three children ill; saw my candle burning. What if I had not been +able to give! Other sick children; sent brandy and Benger's food. + +Mr. Becker service afternoon; same old dust. + +Heard there were some of the Ladies' Commission present; good! May +God bless their work and give them His Spirit in their work. May they +see all. + +Nice singing at our Church this evening; Miss Dussels; new doctor +sick; "ipperkonders" gave him cocoa. + +Weinanda dead; thank God! another burden of suffering ended. + +Woman I prayed with in hospital this afternoon, dead this evening. + +Girlie (35) Ackerman also dying. + +Mrs. De Wet called me to her bedside (hospital), and asked me to pray +that she might sleep. May God's angels guard over those hospital +tents this night. + + * * * * * + +Monday, September 9.--Ladies' Commission; one of them, Dr. Jane +Waterston. Glorious rain. How nice it will be to sleep with the +soothing music of falling showers. + +Our new kitchen getting on famously. What a comfort it will be when +finished. It takes 800 bricks to build a kitchen here, and few there +be that possess such a luxury. Spent half an hour in kitchen of +hospital after visits; delighted with the sight of walls again; more +determined than ever to go and do likewise. Am sure won't need more +than 3,000 bricks to build a regular palace, and won't it be +glorious! Besides, one does not know in the least, how long we are +still to remain here, and even were it only a month longer it would +be worth while. + +Doctor gave up 71; went and found woman dead; child very sick; found +Mr. Becker there. + +Just after dinner was called to see one of the little orphans of few +days ago; went at 2.30; too late; bad of me; should have gone +immediately. + +To-day saw the thinnest, boniest woman imaginable; Mrs. Booysen; just +a skeleton; husband Ceylon; daughter here; son and daughter still at +the front. + +Saw also the most emaciated baby imaginable; puny; nine months; +mother dead; lives on "genade" (mercy) of other mothers whose babies +are dead; a regular "kannie dood" (literally, a "won't die"). + +Got the Van Huysteen girls to undertake case of outside tent with +old grandmother; opened bottom to-day to ventilate; foul. + +Visited old Mr. Van Heerde; very bad; wife "praat soos een boek" +(talks like a book); quite a change to do a bit of listening on +points of Theology! + +Found the Fouries of first day; daughter much better. + +The quack doctor deserves to be kicked; found bottle of medicine on +table somewhere; pure water; five shillings. He is coining money and +fleecing people most scandalously; child now luckily in hospital; +spoke strongly to parents on the point. + +In hospital things are rather glum; Miss Snyman utterly weak and +fearfully excited; hysterical girl still alive; so are all others; +but I fear some of them won't see light of morning. + +Doctor actually in bed in hospital; bad too; rather a sell; tables +cruelly turned on us. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, September 10.--Ladies' Commission here again; can more or +less predict what report will be.[37] + +Rain all night; soaking showers; this morning everything very muddy; +some streets in Camp awful; and then to see the "gesukel" (distress) +this morning all round among the women trying to cook breakfast. + +Yesterday met several women carrying heavy buckets of water; "Dit is +daarom nie vrouwen's werk nie" (This truly is not work for women). + +The women here have a rough time; what with no servants, no kitchen, +scanty wood, and poor rations; it is hard to make ends meet. Were it +not for the little extras[38] we have (golden syrup, jam, oatmeal, +tea and until yesterday fat), I wonder what I would do. + +Went to village to-day; nothing to be had there; was absolutely +refused permit for rice and beans; got 4 lbs. peas; candles not to be +had for love or money; dined Beckers. + +Owing to presence of Ladies' Commission, unable to do my daily visit +to hospital; three have died--Mrs. Kruger, Miss Ackerman, and a lad +of seventeen. + +Superintendent called me to-day, and said I could issue "briefies" +(notes) for food to-morrow; very glad, for I know many tents where +there is dire distress. + +Very weary and sickish; eager for bed. + +Funerals nine; "U te kennen is het eeuwige leven" (To know Thee is +life everlasting." + +Yesterday Mr. Becker buried eleven. + + * * * * * + +To-day most were in blankets. + +Wednesday, September 11.--Waylaid doctor; throat bad; got two bottles +medicine; seedy. + +34 and 71 great distress; the girl in 71 actually still alive; some +people die hard. + +Hurried back to hospital; Miss Snyman now so hysterical removed; tent +to herself; wonder if! + +That Lotz girl too is still alive; but what a wonderful constitution +she must have! + +Saw some distressing and heartrending cases to-day. + +626; mother in agony; strong daughter (18) in throes of death and +fearfully "benauwd" (in agony), pneumonia. Little sister; insensible; +far gone; no doctor. + +Hunted for doctor; gone to village; took him down this evening at +nine. O, the sorrow of it! Can never imagine a more harrowing +spectacle; we got medicine down; stayed three-quarters of an hour; +left doctor there and returned. Here go the bearers with their +lifeless burden; the elder sister died little while ago. + +The little one, too, is dead; poor suffering innocents! + +That sweet little girl at 128, whom I visited late last night, and +with whom I prayed--she, too, died early this morning; and now she +has the desire of her heart: they were laying her out when I called +this morning. + +Visited tent to which I sent little brandy yesterday; found child +had just died; too late. + +Gave old woman at 34, children and grandchildren, earnest talking-to +this afternoon; old woman, over seventy, quite callous as to +religion; no "behoefte" (sense of need): "Remember now thy Creator in +the days of thy youth." + +Old Mr. Van Heerde, whom I visited two days ago, died in night. Great +consternation about little boy in 348; was getting on so well, and +actually dead this morning. Doctor completely upset; he took great +trouble with this child; poor little chap, he had such a bonny little +face. + +Our kitchen we are building, getting on famously; I stand good for +bricks and wood; we need about 1,000 bricks; quite a great affair, +and will prove a blessing. + +Gave out "briefies" to-day, but fear that I shall give up the job; +what use, when they return empty-handed, or with but half the things! +Sorely vexed in my soul at the treatment I receive. Why ask me to +issue briefies? + +Washing-stand looks handsome, thanks to Stienie; oilcloth will make +it quite spruce. + +Young man addressed me quite intimate-like this afternoon, "En wat +schrijf maat in de boekie?" ("Mate, what are you writing in that +book?") + +Mr. Becker funerals; don't know number. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, September 12.--News from Steytler[39]; sent away from +Potchefstroom; let me be doubly careful. I am so attached to my work +now, love it, that it would be a grievous burden were I compelled to +give it up[40]. + +Only there is too much, too much to do, and if I visit one side of +the Camp, the other side has to be neglected. Five would have their +hands comfortably full here, and then there would be less "oorslaan" +(neglect). + +I am continually asked to visit new sick people; there seems to be no +end to all the sickness. + +The woman in 34 is very bad; next door to 626 is also great misery; +children very sick and without medical attendance. That is so +sorrowful; the number of tents where no doctor comes[41], the absence +of invalid food and nourishment; the hard, bare floor (heard of a +case yesterday where grass had begun to grow under sick bed); the +despair and helplessness of the mothers. + +Another burden--no lights! There are numbers of tents where there is +sickness, in some cases dying people, and where to-night there is not +an inch of candle. + +Pathetic sight yesterday; mother melting odd ends and scraps of +tallow and fat to make some sort of candle; daughter on brink of +death. + +Wonder what plan they have made to-night for light! + +Girl 71 still alive; wonderful. + +Funerals--nine, I believe; great crowd; calamity; one grave short, +and coffin had to be returned; women faint; consternation. + +Upset, and couldn't pick my thread in address, "En ziet een groote +schaar die niemand tellen kon" (And lo! a great multitude which no +man could number). These funerals most painful and wearying, and then +the burden of having to give address. + +Small quantity boards arrived; may we have no more burials in +blankets now! + +Mrs. Snyman in tears yesterday in hospital, and her great trouble was +that there would be no coffin for her daughter, who is in jaws of +death; reprimand; should not anticipate God; besides, the sorrows of +to-day are grievous enough, why bear to-morrow's in the bargain? + +Great wailing and lamentation round morgue tents this morning; +daughter and wife of old Mr. Van Heerde; and she boasted so big three +days ago of her boundless faith. Gave her straight talk; fruit of our +faith is our resignation and peace of heart. Thank God rather for the +blessedness of so long and happy a union; cross with daughter; a +woman can become so unreasonable in her grief. + +Arrival of my autoharp; gladness. + + * * * * * + +Friday, September 13.--Spat fire. Now let me never have occasion to +get so annoyed again; wished for a bag of chaff to pummel for half an +hour just to let off steam. + +458 the very essence of misery; old mother helpless (since dead); +young mother sick; three wretched and sick children; and yet when I +presented myself for rice at office was cold-shouldered by Assistant +Superintendent; and these be the things sent by friends from Cape +Town to relieve distress here; and after permission from +Superintendent to issue "briefies! I got rice and two beef teas after +all; but sparks inward flew all the same. + +Got to 458; found old grandmother dead; wished Assistant +Superintendent could have been forced to look in; but what an if! + +There comes the pity of it all--total absence of sympathy of any +kind! + +Wonder of wonders; 70 new person; much better; returned from the very +borders; now let me never doubt on the subject of miracles again! + +Saw crowd (hateful) round 34; worked way in; dying. Singing of hymn; +prayer (and after, strong words to crowd). This horrible +attractiveness of a deathbed! Where does it originate? + +34 and 35, Ackermans; these people have had ten deaths since their +arrival in Camp; they are dying out altogether. There is one in +hospital, and she has small chances of recovery. + +Long visit to hospital; all four wards. Spoke to Mrs. ----, who lost +her babe in night. + +Betty Lotz quite "plezierig" (cheerful); Betty Kruger (mother died +few days ago in hospital), sweet little girl; languid dark brown +eyes; much suffering; wonder if! + +Snyman girl very low; mother there; very pathetic: quite delirious; +fear! + +Went to see Mrs. Welgemoed, 518; very bad; don't think she will "make +it."[42] + +Mrs. Hett called me in; very concerned; Annie, ten years, very ill; +sweet little thing; took her some Benger's Food and milk; wine. +Mother in mortal dread of seeing child sent to hospital; but what +foolishness! Selfish, and altogether disastrous policy. + +Saw Mr. Becker; not here yesterday; poor man; new misery; new cross; +and he looks like a bit of leather already. The military contemplate +taking possession of his parsonage (he has wife, four little +children), and this good man has slaved ever since the Camp has been +here, day after day, indefatigably, out of pure goodness and +charity.[43] + +Our kitchen has the woodwork of its roof finished; hope soon to see +it completed; glorious anticipation; a masterpiece! + +Tramping about from 1.30 to 6.30, and now exceedingly tired. Wonder +how about Sunday's sermons. + +Mr. Becker; funerals--nine, I believe. + + * * * * * + +Saturday, September 14.--Great day; this way: inspected this +afternoon immense new marquee tent put up for hospital; glorious +within; charmed; mindful of our sufferings when trying to hold and +attend Divine service; idea spontaneous; immediate action; bee-line +to Superintendent's tent; psychological moment; agreeable. Hurrah! +Strike iron while hot; enlist men to help at 3 p.m. Resultum: Fine +large tent between the two school sheds; "Alles achter mekaar" +(everything in order). Can have use of school forms, which will seat +300 people. Position grand; bit aside, but quiet and clean +neighbourhood. Inauguration to-morrow. + +And sermon? That still to be made. It's no absolute good; busy whole +morning; planned to reserve afternoon for preparation. + +Afternoon comes; new church; funerals; final visits, and where does +the preparation come in? No show! Never mind; too satisfied to +grumble to-night; "Alles zal wel recht komen" (all will come right). + +No chance for hospital to-day; sorry; Betty Lotz dead; poor child. +Yesterday I still teased her with her cropped hair and the orange she +was eating; always so glad when I come; "Betty, gij kan moes mooi +hoor als ik lees en bid neh" ("Betty, you listen very nicely when I +read and pray"). "O ja, minheer, ik luister baing mooi" ("O yes, sir, +I listen very well"). + +Buried her this afternoon, also seven others; "Dood, waar is uw +prikkel?" (Death, where is thy sting?) + +She belonged to 627, from which two daughters were buried in the +week; parents far away; aunt still very sick. + +Found Mrs. Barkhuizen dying; passed away soon after I left. + +518, Mrs. Welgemoed, died in night; baby also dying; great sorrow. + +Called to console mother whose babe had just died, Mrs. Van der M. + +Next door old Mr. R. dying, and, worst of all, unprepared. Oh! how +unspeakably difficult is my work and how fearful the responsibility! + +Wonder if he is still alive? Mr. Otto[44] went to him too, and I +asked Mr. Becker to visit him also. + +Rather ashamed this morning; had taken down Nos. 268 and 263 some +days ago, and never yet been there. To-day "voorgekeerd" (waylaid). + +268, Mrs. Steyn; very sick for one and a half months already; glad I +went; in other tent found Mrs. Fourie; heard that her two children +already dead; very resigned; glad of my visit even though so late in +day. + +While in official tent, woman came with note, for maizena, brandy, +and milk from doctor; was simply told there was none. (And where are +the things that came down lately, with two dozen brandy and 24 dozen +milk?) + +Gave her arrowroot and milk. This is no isolated case. How many go +away empty-handed who present "briefies" at the office? The cry for a +little brandy or wine is simply pitiable. And candles! Fie on it! O +fie! + +Our kitchen nearly done; grand tin roof, out of coffee tins (one +shilling a tin); must inaugurate on Monday with pancakes or +something. + +Now for sermon (10.30 p.m.). + + * * * * * + +Sunday, September 15 (the Great 15th)[45].--What a day! + +Yesterday ecstasy over new church; to-day in the depths again. Joy +shortlived. This way: very stormy night; soaking rains; morning +whirlwind, frightful; hurried to the church; one side already blown +loose; mighty burst wind; whole show laid low. Such are the +vicissitudes of Camp life. + +Service out of question. Thankful! + +Similar tent, hospital, also blown down same time. A fellow feeling +makes us wondrous kind. + +One of morgue tents also blown down. + +Last night very restless one; bearers with their horrid tramp always +waken me, and it is fearful to be so awakened. + +Mr. Roelvert they bore away last night, and several others. It was +frightfully dark, and on one occasion the men walked bang against my +"airing structure"[46] to their great discomfort. + +Woke again 3.30 with peculiar noise. "There goes Dr. Maddon's[47] +tent," says I, "the pole has snapped." Rather helpless sort; guessed +he would come to me; and so it was. Made him call out five times +before I answered, just for fun; got up and helped him; delightful to +get into bed again. + +So sorry. I hear Betty Lotz was buried yesterday in blanket; glad I +was unaware it was she. She asked me the last time I saw her, +"Wanneer gaat, minheer, dan mij stukkie lees uit die Bijbel?" ("Sir, +when are ou going to read my little portion out of the Bible?") "Wat +is dit dan, Betty?" ("What is it, Betty?") "Minheer, van Jairus en +sijn dochtertje" ("Sir, about the daughter of Jairus"). I promised to +read that for next day; but this promise unfulfilled; couldn't go to +hospital yesterday; besides, she was carried away by then. Never +mind, I'll read about Jairus' daughter to-morrow all the same. + +Betty Kruger betterish; poor little thing; her mother died in +beginning of week, also in hospital. She knows nothing though, but +to-day she asked her sister to make her a black frock because her +mother was dead. + +Miss Taljaard very much better; if she pulls through it will be a +miracle. Mr. Van der Merwe very, very bad indeed (enteric); wonder +if! Sad; mother died some days ago; then young wife, and yesterday +his little daughter was buried. Is there a sorrow like to our sorrow? + +Little boy is dying in hospital. + +49; child also dead. + +156; of these remaining orphans (Joubert's), one little girlie is +dying. Foeitog! + +70 very much better. + +Got bedstead for 631; three little children dangerously ill; and all +three "deurgele" (bedsores); "Mammie, mammie, mij boutjes is zoo +zeer" ("Mother, mother, my legs are so sore"). + +The misery there is heartrending; hard ground; cold and wet as well. +Poor little mites; and nourishment? + +Second visit. Found mother down too; terrible pain. What will happen +now, I wonder! + +Called in to 620; old Mrs. Roux; sick; prayer; asked me to come +again. + +Wish I could press a button and summon papa to do the praying part +for me! + +Number of deaths so far (according to Mr. Becker's funeral lists) +about 420. + +Since I've been here (25 days), we have buried about 300. Appalling +figures! + +This afternoon (Mr. Becker), funerals eight. + + * * * * * + +Monday, September 16.--Flood. + +Our Camp one sheet of water and mud; furrow too small for the rush of +water; great inundations; many tents flooded; great misery; and how +about the cooking business? Everything to be done outside (we are +among the few privileged with a kitchen). Women have to wade through +water and mud; wet wood; raining continually. Just picture the scene! + +Came to one tent; in front of door one mass clay and mud; inside +awful; and yet there lay a girl very dangerously sick, and another +also down. + +425, Mrs. Booysen; skeleton; completely flooded; everything wet; and +the floor! Yesterday they got her a bedstead; till now she had to lie +on the floor; sick daughter; wonder where she will sleep. Floor? +Impossible. + +In another tent rain leaked through; water all over. + +Another matter which tells of fresh misery. The sanitary sheds and +screens are all some distance out of the camp. Imagine the +painfulness of affairs on days like this, when one hardly dares put +head out of doors. + +Overheard conversation between old man and doctor: + +You, what do you want here? Go away from this ---- tent! Voetzak, +voetzak! Get away from this ---- tent!" This was to an old man. It +makes one's blood boil. There is no real--no, not a particle +of--sympathy. + +In 631, wife told me doctor (another) came past, and she, meaning +that he was looking for her tent (third morning already and he had +not yet come), attempted to direct him. "You go to ----!" was all she +got; and she has three little ones in very precarious state. + +Visited in New Camp; several sick there. + +652, sick wife and child. (Nice biltongs[48] hanging up; but for all +my hints, got nothing!) + +631, Kotze; doppers; two girls measles; prayer; repeated Psalm. + +518, little child (mother dead two days ago) died this after noon. + +Found another very sick girlie, 532, Venter; took orange wine, +arrowroot, milk; but I doubt whether she'll "make it"; too far gone. + +Talk with Mrs. Steyn, who has lost three children; such a good little +woman; while there an old Tante came, evidently to tell all her tale +of woe, so I cleared. + +Funerals ten, all children. + +Meant to have spoken on "Heere, maak mij bekend mijne einde" (Lord, +make me to know mine end), but on discovery at graveyard that all +were children, spoke on "The Reaper and the Flowers." + +Miss Snyman in hospital, moaning awfully just now; just been there; +poor girl; and she disturbs all the others. + +Spruit nicely down; Mr. Becker not come; can't get across evidently. + +Visits to hospital. In women's ward "beterschap"; little Betty and +Miss Taljaard much better; wonder if! + +Read to them about Jairus' daughter; but the other Betty "wasn't +there no more" to hear. + +Pancakes; five easily. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, September 17.--Fine, glorious day; people all busy airing +and drying things; life again. + +69, old Mr. Theunissen, very weak; old man; old wife; floor. Hard +luck; "Ach, Minheer, ik het zoo gewens dat mij zoon mij ooge moet toe +druk, en nou is hij in Ceylon, en ik voel dat ik nie langmeer hier +zal wees nie" ("O sir, I did so wish that my son should close my +eyes, and now he is in Ceylon, and I feel that I won't be here much +longer"). + +Saw Mr. Mentz being led home to tent (from hospital) by Mr. Booysen; +anxiety; knows nothing about daughter's death, and his wife lies ill +in bed. What's to be done? Mr. Mentz (one month in hospital) still +very weak. Brought him to the Van As's for some tea while I planned +how best to act. Decide to break news to him just before he arrives +at tent; very painful task indeed. Caught the two up just before tent +door, and told him to stop a minute. Now God help me and him!--Thank +God, it is over! Rude, cruel awakening! O the sorrow, the sorrow of +it! Prayed with family, and left with heavy, leaden heart. + +Why is there so much sorrow and bitterness in this life? + +Last week, when his wife visited him in hospital, he gave her half an +orange to give his Nellie, and on another occasion a biscuit--and all +the while his girlie was under the cold, dark sod. + +Visited Van den Heever, 68. Also 626, 631, 624, 70, 74. + +Went with trembling heart to 532; "Waar is die kind?" ("Where is the +child?"). "Nee, Minheer, zij is vannach om een uur dood" ("Sir, she +died last night at one o'clock"). + +Found the Van Zyls, 499, and the Robertsons, 503, had also lost +babies during last few days. + +424, Hasebroek; sick child; baby died yesterday. + +482, Hetts; little daughter very sick; wonder if! Such a sweet little +thing. + +Getting sick to death of doctor; such a terrible amount of brag and +big talk, always about himself; always dread his calls; can never get +so far as to return; a regular thorn in the flesh. + +Visits to hospital. + +Mr. Van der Merwe still very bad; men's ward full of boys; some very +bad. + +Martie Snyman recognised me to-day, and asked me to pray for her; +mother there too. + +Mr. Becker funerals; six. + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, September 18.--Bitterly cold night; frost; glorious day. + +Regular holiday; did precious little "leeraarts" (pastoral) work +to-day; grand clean up; fine bookcase of big box; grand! + +Baby[49] comes regularly now to clean up. + +Tent very close to-day; hot weather; contemplating building house; +busy with estimates to-day; will need about 3,500 bricks; such +edifice will be real boon when hot weather sets in. + +Our kitchen is palatial, and the admiration of the whole camp, and I +guess hundreds have cast envious eyes upon it. And yet within it is +but 4 feet by 7 feet, its height is 5 feet 10 inches; but it has a +pitch roof, with coffee tins beaten out to serve for zinc. It is +built of good, raw brick, and the walls are 4 inches thick, plus two +more inches of substantial clay plaster. It has a window without +panes, and a doorless doorway, and yet a marvellous structure both in +workmanship and usefulness. Total cost about L3. Let me not forget +its chimney--made of a half-sheet of zinc, and beaten into a cone +(1s.). Now with my mind's eye I see the structure sparkling in the +gentle moonbeams. A thing of beauty is a joy for ever. Enough! + +Rigged up church again; little nearer in, and this afternoon three of +us went and put everything geometrically straight--poles, pegs, +ropes, etc.--to prevent second collapse. We are going to sink heavy +stones into the ground as anchors, and the whole structure we are +going to make rigid with wire ropes. This all to be done on the +morrow. It is going to serve as school; good! + +There must be some two thousand children here, and yet I doubt if +fifty go to school; pity; children run loose, absolutely neglected. + +Too much sickness about; fear the deterioration. + +Funerals this afternoon five; all children; "Heere, maak mij bekend +mijne einde" (Lord, make me to know mine end). May those graveside +addresses bear fruit! + +Called to 104, Hugo's; great sorrow; baby died this morning; poor +mother; talk about tears rolling down! Let me not think on it! + +179, Roelvert's baby; convulsions after measles; also dying. + +A mother's heart: the most delicate, mysterious, profound piece of +architecture in creation. Let a man not attempt to fathom its depths; +there are mazes which he can never pass through; and there are +recesses (illuminated, I guess) which he can just barely know of, let +alone enter. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, September 19.--Two women cleared last night; burghers +evidently in near neighbourhood. There are always numbers of women +who go to hills to collect wood, and for long, weary distances they +carry their loads of oven wood, like so many Kaffir girls. It hurts +to watch them return. + +Camp continually getting bigger; there must be some 800 tents now, +and quite 5,000 souls. + +Feel bad at thought of so many thousands whom it is impossible to +reach just now, because of the sickness all about. + +I have been here just a month, and have, during that time, done +nothing but visit sick and dying. + +Hospital, too, grown larger; five big marquee tents; began visit +there this morning; disturbed by arriving patients and doctor. + +Found Martie Snyman dying; dead a quarter of an hour after. We +gathered round her bedside and committed her spirit into God's safe +keeping; poor child! she had such a time of suffering; mostly always +delirious; and her mother! Let me not think of it! + +Many new arrivals in women's wards; some dangerously ill. + +Poor Betty Kruger; fear she won't "make it." + +Meant to go again this afternoon, but disappointed; had to take +charge of books which had come; great work, and unsatisfactory too. + +Meant to have made long visits to New Camp this afternoon; "Alles +verijdeld" (everything fell through). + +Visits 432, 482, 268 (old Mr. De V.), 494 (aunt of Miss Van Rooi, +who died in hospital), 458, 424, 499, and 503. + +Went again with couple of eggs and milk to 432 and 424. + +Poor little girl; so very sick, and on ground too. + +Found 458 in total darkness; no lights, and little boy dying. +Foeitog! Borrowed half a candle from Mrs. Van As. + +Ordered bricks to-day for my house--3,500, at 1s. a hundred. Hope to +see it standing "moet 'n boog" (for show) by next week. + +Split in connection with church; old lot near old church-stand +dissatisfied; some folk hard to please; rather vexing; they want us +to keep up service at old place as well. + +Mr. Becker referred matter to me; said I was quite agreeable if there +was possibility of drawing two congregations. Mr. Otto may be induced +to conduct one. + +Well, certainly, we have enough people for a double service. + +Concerned about Catechism class; there must be hundreds who ought to +be confirmed. Concerned also about Sunday school. How are we to +collect these thousands! If the sickness in camp would only decrease, +what great things we could attempt. + +Found packet Sunlight soap in tent; my ration; large family Van As +gets two cakes; I, single, whole packet; not very complimentary! + +Sent parcel books to hospital as library; decided to divide +miscellaneous books into four small circulating libraries. + +Mr. Becker funerals; eight. + + * * * * * + +Friday, September 20.--Early bird; brought over all books from store +tent; also cask of Quaker oats[50]; very glad of latter; will serve +out like mad next week. + +Tent now regular chaos; boxes; feel need of house all the more. + +Four circulating libraries--Otto's, Dussel's, Van As's, and Lubbe's. +Reading, however, rather an impossibility here in camp; one has +always something to do. What a blessing that everyone has work in +plenty, because in one's work one can derive a measure of happiness +and satisfaction; it detracts one's thoughts from the seamy side of +life just now. + +Immediately after breakfast visited two dying babies, 585, 695. + +Great crowd of children assembled in front of church, several +hundreds (I hear a weeping and a wailing close by; evidently someone +just died); hurried thither; gathered children in circle; Psalm 146; +prayer; address (privilege, obedience, faithfulness); also exhorted +them to take good care of church and to be careful of lines, ropes, +pegs, etc. + +Ordered 3,500 bricks at 1s. 1-1/2d. per hundred; saw Superintendent, +who promised to provide roofing; hope he won't disappoint. Busy whole +morning with books. + +Called after dinner Mrs. Pelser; ill and concerned about soul; same +one I had long talks with before; afraid she is still ignorant of +primary step, reconciliation with God; spent long while in making way +of salvation clear; Doppers; tent full; "Haar Leuze" (her delight), +Psalm 62, verse 1, and when I read it aloud I was on the point of +remarking, "Nee, wach, ik het die regte vers ver jou--Gez 39, vers 3, +'Komt gij allen" ("No, wait, I have the right verse for you--Hymn 39, +verse 3, 'Come ye all, sinners come, what dare hold you back"); saved +from this calamity[51] by mere chance (grace); perhaps they are +Doppers! and so it was. Narrow shave; second time! + +Had to hurry to funerals; eight; Martie and Annie Erasmus; "Leer ons +alzoo onze dagen tellen" (So teach us to number our days). + +(Here go the bearers with another corpse.) + +Met another brother of Tolllie's; regular reproduction; brought me +to several new sick people; Mrs. Venter very, very ill. Fear! Asked +if I should pray for her; "Ja, Minheer" ("Yes, sir"). "En wat zal ik +bid?" ("And what shall I pray?") "Ach, Minheer, dat die Heere mij +gouw moet kom haal" ("O sir, that the Lord come quick to fetch me"). + +Poor old dad! He has lost eight children and grandchildren in camp +already, and this is his last daughter. + +Neglected hospital again; disgusted; those troublesome books! + +Had hurried walk round; Mrs. Kruger dying; prayed, but quite +delirious. + +Met weeping mother on coming out; "Minheer, zal minheer tog nie ver +mij help nie om vir mij man een telegram te stuur, hij is in +Doornbult Camp. Ik is alleen hier en twee van mij kinders is al +dood, and nou le die dochtertje ernstig ziek in die hospital?" ("Sir, +won't you be able to help me to send a telegram to my husband, he is +in Doornbult Camp. I am alone here; two of my children are already +dead, and now my daughter lies dangerously sick in hospital")[52]. +That is the saddest part of all. Mothers here alone with sick +children, and fathers far off--some in other camps. And then, when +Death comes and takes a child, the loneliness of such mothers is too +hard a burden to bear. Many children here and many who have died, +never yet seen by fathers. + +Led prayer meeting at young Otto's tent; six young fellows. + + * * * * * + +Saturday, September 21.--Longish day; called early to see 270 and +269; again in evening to 270; last stage of consumption; won't last +long. (Here go those terrible bearers again! When, O when, will the +Angel of Death sheathe his scythe and depart out of our midst!) + +Made church straight for morrow; fine stout "doornhout" (mimosa) +pins--(more bearers, here they go again!)--and two strong wires +fastened to stones buried in ground (anchors). There are some 24 +school forms, and these will seat about 400 people. + +Quaky about tomorrow; sermon unprepared; meant to have had afternoon +to self, but quite impossible. + +Another death, 128; croup; Smit; tent removed on doctor's orders +outside camp while child dying; cruel; entreaties of mother vain; +child carried in dying condition; expired little after; when I came, +found woman in greatest distress; things bundled outside; indignant; +poor defenceless, helpless women. May God help them! + +Visits 386, 424, 432, 489, 519. + +Called to Mrs. Steyn, 541 (three children gone already); daughter +suddenly sick; looks like fever; found Mr. Becker there; poor little +mother! She is so reconciled and patient in her tribulation. + +Called to tent near shop; Mrs. Theron; great pain; three children, +sick; no help; dependent on charity of neighbours; no light; God +alone knows how many tents there are without lights to-night and with +very sick inmates. + +Hospital; talk with Mr. V.d.M.; very sick; delirious somewhat; Psalm +27, prayer. + +Girlie in ward 1 very sick. + +In children's ward found mother and grandmother sitting by bedside +of dying boy five years; mother broken; after my prayer there was a +tear glistening in the boy's left eye; pathetic to see mother wipe it +away as the tears rolled down her cheeks. + +In the upper ward lies a girl[53] of fourteen, with the softest, +sweetest face imaginable; two clear, languid, blue eyes; very +dangerously ill; wonder if! + +Prayed at bedside; daughter of the mother who asked me to wire to her +husband yesterday. Spoke to Superintendent; quite unsympathetic; +fruitless. + +May God spare that child's life! + +Mr. Becker funerals; seven or eight, I believe. + +Called in by Mr. Kruger; wife died in hospital this morning; son (16 +years) buried Monday; another child some days ago; poor fellow; he +himself sick; subscribed 5s. to assist him to obtain coffin. + +Now for to-morrow's sermon! + + * * * * * + +Sunday, September 22.--Grand day; ideal weather; longish. + +Up six o'clock; sermon; sweat; veld; "Om te doen gedenken" (To bring +to remembrance). + +Inauguration of church; huge crowd; packed; hundreds outside. + +Impossible to use even the tiniest bit of notes; "broekscheur." Made +rather mull of first half; "Ik gedenk heden aan mijne zonden" (I do +remember my faults this day). Introduction and second point more +satisfactory; luckily (?) girl fainted; seized opportunity to give +out hymn; grasped notes to refresh memory; "Ik gedenk heden aan de +weldaden des Heeren--God's liefde" (I remember this day the mercies +of the Lord--God's love). + +Feel the utter insignificance of my best efforts; sore point; no time +at all to prepare; I tremble when I think of what I venture in +coldbloodedness. + +After service went to 207; saw bedding outside, and knew the worst. +"Gister aand, minheer, is zij gestorven. Ach, minheer, zij kon tog +die minuut nie afwag nie, zoo haastig was zij om wegtegaan" +("Yestereen, sir, she died. O sir, she scarcely had patience to wait, +so eager she was to depart"). + +Great tribulation and bitterness on account of doctor, who insisted +on forcing hot coffee down her throat, and for whom Mrs. Venter was +desperately afraid; also on account of his violent conduct and +harshness in the presence of Death. She could not even die in peace. + +Mrs. Steyn's girlie very bad; fever; so restless, and so much pain. + +There again in evening; still so restless; no sleep last two nights; +advised Mrs. Steyn to send her to hospital; environment disastrous; +too much to remind her of her two brothers and sister, who died last +week. + +Rounds in hospital; girlie No. 1 very bad. + +In No. 4, girlie of Mrs. Van der Berg very low; did not know me +to-day; too beautiful a child, really; got mother permission to stay +with her to-night. + +Mrs. Bonig's child still alive this afternoon; died towards evening. +Thank God! + +Another little chap passed away quite suddenly in same tent this +morning. + +Autoharp in convalescent tent. + +Hurried to funerals; four; large crowd; several hundreds; Rev. 7, +chapter Mrs. Venter gave as comfort to her people, "Deze zijn het die +uit groote verdrukking komen" (These are they which come out of great +tribulation). + +Hurried from there straight to church to lead girls' prayer meeting; +some sixty turned up; off the point, though, in their prayers. + +And now for the cream of the day's work. Announced meeting for young +people, 7.15, in church; service of song; borrowed two lamps; scanty +light. Found immense crowd; many turned away; threw up side of tent; +numbers outside; some 500 young people and several old to watch. + +Shall never forget how they sang Psalm 146. It was glorious! We sang +Psalms and gezangen and some "kinder harp liederen" (children's +hymns); and for the last, Gezangen 12, "op lieder wijs" (to new +tune). Beautiful! Short address on Zaccheus--"Moeilijkheden" +(difficulties). The heartiest and most refreshing meeting ever yet +attended; had to stand in middle all the while, with hardly room to +turn myself. So delighted that announced another meeting for Tuesday; +fine moon just now. + +Great point is this--singing sounds lovely at distance, and can be +heard all through the camp and in hospital, and who knows how many +hearts are not refreshed as the strains come rolling by. + +Mr. Becker afternoon service; great crowd also. + +Now the day is over! + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, September 24.--Seedy all yesterday; no diary; straight to +bed; hot water from hospital; footbath. + +Managed to get half a dozen sheets zinc from Superintendent for +roofing. + +Distributed books to Elders yesterday afternoon. + +Felt rather hopeless to-day; so much to do; quite at loss where to +begin; inclined just to sit still. + +Visited southern corner of camp; Mrs. De Lint poorly; read letter +written by husband. + +Gave out "briefies" for rice to some tents. + +Astounded this evening by doctor, "Well, now, wasn't it fine that I +got you the right to grant briefies?" And this is the Donation Store, +quite independent of all Government Stores! A gentleman gave Mr. +Becker L50 for things; these goods arrived yesterday. Really, doctor +takes the cake--with baker and all! Told him a few gentle truths +about these goods. + +Letters from home; hope those groceries of mine will come along all +right; and that order for L20 worth of stuff[54]. May I succeed in +getting the sole right of distribution when that arrives. + +Champion[55] writes that at present he cannot fulfil order; +disappointing. + +One does long so for something nice--some extras which here are quite +unobtainable[56]. Dry bread gets a bit monotonous after a while, and +the "vrekvlijs" becomes nauseous as the days roll by. It thrusts its +miserable, lean presence upon us day by day, and now it has become a +dreaded nightmare. + +"Kerkeraads vergadering" in tent this afternoon; six Elders to +discuss Sunday services; the grumblers would not rest until they too +had their own big marquee tent on the old site. + +Suggested that we have only one morning service in new place and two +afternoon services--one for old people at old place and one for young +at new place; could take further steps later on for a double morning +service if necessary; Elders agreeable; disperse. + +Funerals; four; Mr. Van der Merwe died last night; felt sick myself, +and made fool of myself at graveside; but really could not contain +myself as they lowered the remains of Mr. Van der Merwe into grave; +so big and fine a man; in flower of manhood; wife dead, child dead; +so gentle and patient in his suffering; felt so drawn to him because +of his huge helplessness. Hard lines! Hard lines! Poor Nurse Rouvier! +After all these weeks of devoted, patient, hopeful attendance. It +does make one feel rather low. Quite unable to make any sort of +address at grave; sorry did not ask Mr. Otto. + +Went through hospital; Mr. V.d.B. and Mr. Norval both dangerously +ill; fear the worst; pneumonia; former hard character, but to-day +quite softened; long talk; not yet saved; prayer; great suffering. + +Read Psalm 27 to latter and prayed; very thankful. + +Girlie Van der Berg in new ward very low; so weak. May God in His +tender mercy hear our prayer and restore her! + +Lenie Steyn; hysterical; delirious all day; last night great +consternation; got her into hospital this morning. + +Girl opposite her dying; mother's only child. + +In men's ward little boy (14) died too. + +Splendid meeting this evening; packed within and without(!). + +Service of song; crowd half an hour before time; singing can be heard +all through camp. May many a sad and weary heart have found in our +singing a balm for the aching, longing heart. + +Now for bed--glorious bed! + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, September 25.--Deathbed; sorrowful topic to write upon, +and yet why shirk it? Let me attempt what I have never before done--a +description of a deathbed. It is but human to hasten over the tragic +scenes of life, but this evening I want to tarry. + +Something prompted me to make early visit to the hospital, so went +before breakfast. In first ward went straight to little Mita +Duvenhagen's bed, and her I found very bad--struggling hard to +breathe; so young and yet so bitter a suffering! + +From there called by Mrs. Van den Berg to new ward, to come quickly, +as Lenie was dying. I went, and when I entered saw that God was going +to take her away. Let me not attempt to describe her angelic little +face of marble white, her beautifully chiselled nose, and her sweet +little mouth! Silently we knelt around her bedside--mother, nurse, +and I. Of her beautiful blue eyes I have said nothing, for they were +closed--the lids gently drawn, and the lashes trying hard to kiss the +soft smooth cheeks. "O God, come and help us! O Saviour, come and +take Thy place beside her bed--hold her hand--take her in Thy tender +arms and press her to Thy bosom! Bear her, Saviour, where Thou wilt, +for with Thee she is safe. Comfort our hearts and give us to bend our +heads in humble resignation--Thy will be done. Amen!" + +"Lenie, Lenie, Lenie, mij kind, jou mammie is hier bij jou, en Jezus +ook is hier om jou hand te hou--moenie bang wees nie, mij kind" ("My +child, your mother is here, near you, and Jesus too is here to hold +your hand--don't be afraid, child"). Under her weary eyelids she +looked at us, and a large tear gathered in her left eye. It glistened +like a diamond for a moment, and then became the possession of the +sorrow-stricken mother. Then we were silent and watched. Slowly and +gently the lids opened--now again we could look into those clear blue +orbs. Wider--wider--and still wider they grow--uplifted, right away +beyond the three forms of clay before her. See how the pupils +dilate--they seem to swamp the blue! And so for a few short moments +they remain. It was a gaze right beyond us to--- what! Will it be +old-fashioned to suggest "Angels," perhaps! Until I grow wiser I +shall hold fast to Angels. O, the mystery of the Unknown! + +And slowly, gently those lids sink once more to rest--to rest +indeed--for her spirit has fled. Peace, perfect peace! + +How passing strange, how majestic in its simplicity, how weird in its +tragic stillness--the passing of a Soul--the disunion of Body and +Spirit! Is this Death? Then may I never fear its shadow! + +Sunset and Evening Star! + + * * * * * + +Thursday, September 26.--Another day gone. What a day of sorrow and +tribulation! + +Slept like a log. + +Took round through camp late last night; heard distressing groans in +certain tent; made gentle enquiries; heard this remark after leaving, +"Nee, dit is een van die nach police wat hier rond loop" ("No, it is +one of the night police wandering about"). + +Foundations of house laid[57]; yesterday got use Scotch cart and +brought over some 1,000 bricks and stones for foundation; good +beginning to-day; now things will go swimmingly if weather remains +fine. + +Unbearably hot to-day; tent untenable; thankful house in course of +erection. + +Old story again; supply boards for coffins stopped, and now there is +the pitiful cry of those who seek wood to make coffins for departed +dear ones. + +Yesterday old Mr. Duvenhagen came in distress to me; begged from +Superintendent, and got him two little boxes[58]. + +This morning had to tramp round to get hold of few boxes, for I +promised Lenie's mother I would provide wood. One does make very rash +promises sometimes--but anything to comfort stricken heart of +lonesome mother. + +That Mrs. Van der Berg has now lost her three children; her husband +sits in Bloemfontein Refugee Camp. This to me so inexplicable, so +unreasonable, so cruel. Why cannot husband and wife be allowed to go +in same camp? + +Well, I (next to) stole two nice planks in store tent, and what with +empty condensed milk box and my box which I used as chair, able to +give quite small fortune in wood for Lenie's coffin. + +Buried her and Mita Duvenhagen (both 14) this afternoon; also two +small children; "Laat de kinderen tot mij komen en verhindert ze niet +want derzulken is het Koninkrijk Gods" (Suffer the little children to +come unto Me, and forbid them not, for such is the Kingdom of +Heaven). + +Mita's grave away other end of cemetery (next her brother's), and so +I went and spoke few words at her grave too; sang "Voor eeuwig met +den Heere" (For ever with the Lord). + +Just before funerals went to see Lena Steyn; very low; "Zien, +minheer, nou, hoe waar dit was wat zij geze het" (Do you see now, +sir, how true her words were?). She always persisted in saying that +she was going to die; shall write more of her on another occasion. We +prayed at bedside and committed her into God's keeping, Psalm 23; but +she was unconscious, I think, although her eyes wandered from mother +to me. + +The procession had started already when I had still to hear wail of +old man of 76, "Ach, minheer, waar zal ik tog planke krij; mij vrouw +is dood, en ik kan nerens kiste krij nie" (O, sir, where can I get +boards; my wife is dead, and I can't get wood anywhere?). + +Last night carried out some papers in my box I use as chair and burnt +them outside. Soon man stood next to me, "Minheer, zal ik dan nie +daardie kisje kan krij nie? Onze ou baby is dood, en ik kan nerens +vir haar een stukkie hout krij nie" (Sir, won't I be able to have +that little box? Our little baby is dead, and I can't get a scrap of +wood anywhere). + +Early this afternoon another man came to me in great distress; also +no wood for coffin. It does seem so bitterly hard. + +Visiting whole morning, mostly down New Camp way. + +There is one man always at my back; times a day; came with most +wonderful request two days ago; wants me to get him a--guess? Baby! +Wife's died last week, and he is now loafing another. + +This afternoon two prayer meetings; men and women; took men's down in +old church (big tent there now), "Heere zijt mij genadig" (Lord, be +merciful to me). The women's, I hear, was packed. I had over 100 men; +very good, seeing so few men here; nine prayers. + +This evening children's service again; beautiful moon; glorious +singing; "Ik ga heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a +place for you); told about Lenie's deathbed; she is now in the +mansion prepared for her. + +Went straight thence to see Lena Steyn; saw women standing in front +of tent; heard sobs, and knew the worst. Poor, poor Mrs. Steyn! "Ach, +Minheer, ik het daarom nie gedenk nie dat dit oor die helfte zou gaan +nie" (O, sir, I really never thought that it would go beyond the +half); had six children; four gone now; husband Ceylon, and she is +the dearest little mother in camp almost. + +Knelt and prayed, and then mother said, "Kom, laat ons nog eenmal ver +haar gaan zien" (Come, let us go and see her once more); so went to +see Lena once more in morgue tent. + +Rest after weariness; calm after storm; light after darkness; day +after dawn. + +She passed away while the children were singing Gez. 11. While I +spoke to her (Mrs. Steyn) at tent she was laughing and sobbing +alternately; and then the thought flashed through her that there was +no wood for coffin, so I immediately took whole thing into my hands +and assured her I would provide and see that Lena gets coffin. + +Another rash promise! The Lord only knows where the wood is to come +from! Late this evening, when I took her some cocoa, Mrs. Steyn told +me that Lena had said that I would provide coffin. So guess it will +come out well in end. The presentiments this child had of her death +and other things simply marvellous. Am going to write at greater +length about her when I see mother again. + +And so these three girlies have gone to Jesus. Now, what has become +of all our prayers and supplications? + + * * * * * + +Friday, September 27.--Longish day. + +Great question; where to get material for coffin for Lena? Remembered +that I saw that the school was supplied with bookcase, and that the +box in store tent (full of matches for distribution) could now be +otherwise used; removed all matches[59], and lo and behold! grand big +box empty and ready for carpenter; got matches distributed, each tent +got two boxes; Roos set to work, and with two more milk cases (loafed +at hospital), he was able to make quite respectable coffin. (A decent +and respectable coffin here made of scrap wood and small boxes fitted +together, and whole coated with preparation of boot blacking and oil. +A swell, extra fine coffin has a covering of cheap black material, +1s. 6d. yard.) + +Several came again to-day seeking wood; some even wanted the +galvanized iron for my roof. + +At graves this afternoon saw that they had made a shelf in a grave to +hold body and prevent ground falling directly upon it; made me think +of catacombs Rome. + +Seven buried this afternoon; stood right in front of Lena's grave. + +It was Mr. Becker's turn, but he was hindered from coming; rather +glad, for wanted to be there myself to-day; "En palmtakken waren in +hunne handen" (And palms were in their hands). + +Mrs. Steyn found the lost kinderharp (hymn book) I had given Lena few +days ago; found under her pillow in morgue tent this afternoon. When +I gave it to her she said, "Maar, minheer, moet tog nie vergeet om +mij naam in te schrijve" (Sir, you must be sure to write my name in +it). So I must remember to do it still. Poor Mrs. Steyn, how +resignedly she bears her cross! Sang "Voor eeuwig met den Heere" at +grave. + +Visits to-day on other side--269, 268, 487, 379, 178, 171, 262. + +Called at 329, and found it was same tent where I heard such groans +last night; imbecile woman, 53 years; very sick; great suffering; +spoke to her, and she actually called me by my name; glad I found +tent again; old father of 86; always so keen and hearty at +wood-chopping. + +Weeping woman came to me after funeral; "Minheer, zal minheer nie zoo +goed wees nie om vir Mrs. Engelbrecht in die hospitaal te vertel dat +haar kindje dood is, zij word nou begrave?" (Sir, will you be good +enough to tell Mrs. Engelbrecht in the hospital that her child has +died; she is to be buried now). So another painful task is in store +for me. + +Received short note from Assistant Superintendent requesting me to +discontinue briefies for foodstuffs, "I have now three medical +officers who are well able to attend to the sick and needy." And this +man (Superintendent) himself requested and authorised me to issue +such notes but four days ago. Comment on whole matter superfluous. O +for a little more logic and consistency with some people! However, I +suppose I can interpret these things in my own way. + +Held woman's prayer meeting this afternoon; good audience; "Viel aan +de voeten van Jezus en vertelde Him al de waarheid" (Fell at the +feet, of Jesus and told Him all the truth); six prayers; but O! such +long and wearying ones; thought men could drag it out, but let me be +silent about the women. + +House 3 feet high; doorway up; grandish. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, September 29.--No diary yesterday; too tired and listless; +eager for bed. + +What a grand thing to rest after work! Sleep, glorious, blessed +sleep; feel like writing an ode to extol its virtues. Yesterday +scorcher of a day. + +Spent morning in old quarter; work most wearisome. + +So many who call me in and pour out all their sorrows, and it is so +terribly hard always to be ready and willing to listen and +sympathise. One actually grows "dof" (dull) from sheer weakness. O +the monotony of sorrows and troubles! + +Called in to see woman who had just received news that husband had +fallen in battle. Such sorrow is too great to realise; one can only +stand afar off to behold--and weep. + +At 3 p.m. suddenly told that no one to take women's prayer meeting; +so had hurriedly to go without so much as minute's preparation; quite +large crowd. + +Mr. Becker played me trick; he took funerals; four I believe, so I +had time to make short visit hospital. + +Doctor stopped me two days ago, and said the man B---- in hospital +wished to be left alone; so left him alone; but this evening he has +gone to meet his God. Could never make him out. Was it ignorance or +obstinacy or indifference? May God have mercy on his soul. + +Old Mr. Norval also died this afternoon; thank God; too terrible to +see him struggling with Death; unconscious the last three days; glad +read Psalm and prayed with him a few days ago. + +And so our fellow-men around us are carried off by Death; and now +they are solving the great mystery of the Hereafter. Stupendous +thought! + +These same men, women and children with whom I prayed, to whom I +spoke about eternal things--they know now what we are burning to +know. Is there Life after Death? Is there a Heaven? Is there a Hell? +What do the departed do just now? Is there perhaps a purgatory where +souls are purified? Is there a Throne above, around which a crowd +that cannot be numbered stand clothed in long white robes? What about +the palm branches? And a thousand more questions. + +"The just shall live by his FAITH." + +Last night children's service in lower church; great crowd; "En tot +zich zelven gekomen zijnde" (And when he came to himself). + +This evening similar service in upper church; very bright and hearty; +Miss Dussel sang hymn and solo part of "Mannen breeders" (Hold the +Fort); nice change in programme; accompanied her on autoharp. + +This morning went over to village and exchanged pulpits with Mr. +Becker; felt quite lost in big, empty church. + +Old sermon had to "bite off spit"[60]; goodness knows where I would +have found time to prepare one. + +Had nice chat with Macdonald's father. + +Grand dinner; roast mutton and actually a dish full of gravy! Could +scarce believe my eyes; real gravy; how glorious; and rice too. Think +of it! Let me be silent about the dish of stewed peaches--I might +fill pages--a dish fit for the gods. Wonder what the look and smell +of a vegetable is? Have just faint recollection of such names as +potatoes, onions, beans, cauliflower, pumpkin, but I get a bit +blurred when try to discriminate; long absence has stunted my memory. +Believe there is a vegetable called beetroot too, and wonder if the +name cabbage is correct. By the way, what do we call that stuff one +sometimes puts on bread for breakfast and tea? I believe, too, having +heard and partaken of a preparation called jam in days gone by. And +what, now what, do they always put in tea and coffee in other places? +Fancy it has whitish colour; have an idea it can be drunk pure too. + +Authority (Assistant Superintendent): "En wanneer eet julle Boere dan +breakfast?" (And when do you Boers eat your breakfast?) + +"O, ik het laatste in Brandfort breakfast ge'eet; hier het ik schars +genoeg vir dinner" (O, I had breakfast last at Brandfort; here I get +scarce enough for dinner). + +Had nice nap on sofa after dinner; what a noble thing a house is; how +spacious, how high, how cool! How unnecessarily large people do build +houses nowadays. + +At 2.45 had to race back for afternoon service; young people; great +crowd (700 about); prepared sermon during the fifteen minutes' walk. +Record service; forty-five minutes. + +Went through two wards hospital. + +Mrs. De Wet dying; poor old mother! But she said all along she +wouldn't get well again; several very sick there. + +Now for glorious bed. + +P.S.--Not yet; there came wail from hospital; so I went up; as I +surmised, Mrs. De Wet "gone home"; and shall I soon forget that +little band of women in black returning to their tents while the pale +sad moon cast its shadows of sympathy! + +"Ach, minheer, het ik nie gezondigd dat ik nie wou zien en geloof dat +zij gaat sterve?" (O, sir, did I not sin, in that I would not see and +believe that she would die?) + +"Neen. Dank God liever voor die Liefde in u die u verblind heeft. +Dank God dat gij hebt liefgehad" (No. Thank God rather for the Love +within which blinded your eyes. Thank God that you have loved). + +Another solving the great problem of the Unknown! + + * * * * * + +Monday, September 30.--End of month; cannot help remembering that +this was our finest, loveliest month in the Boland (Western +Province); and here we have been grovelling in the dust. + +Another frightful day of wind and dust; two evils; open the tent to +ventilate, and anon everything covered with layer fine dust; close +tent and one gets suffocated. And one's clothes! Let me rather change +topic. + +After burdens of yesterday felt more inclined for good quiet rest, +but tent too unbearably hot; so decided to do the hospital; there +knew I would find things cool. + +First to men's ward; then through three women's wards, and finally to +convalescent ward; nice and cool in wards, but grew horribly tired. +What with a word of cheer all round and a straight talk to boot, and +after a Psalm, short address, and finally (and hardest of all) a +prayer--great weariness becomes master, and one feels regularly +"pap." + +Hospital grown so large lately; takes few hours to "do" it +thoroughly. + +Best of all, one has assurance and conviction such visits are indeed +source of comfort and blessing; mindful now of that sick mother in +No. 3; so despondent, and how she thanked me after visit; "Ik voel +nou weer blij in mij hart" (I feel glad at heart again). Psalm 115; +"Vertrouw op den Heere; Hij is mijn hulp en mijn schild" (Trust in +the Lord; He is our help and our shield); "De Heere is onzer +gedachtig geweest" (The Lord has been mindful of us); beautiful. + +To my utter surprise found Mrs. Fourie in hospital; ailing lately; +sure this is much best for her. (The Van As's and Mr. and Mrs. F. +form one family circle here.) + +Anyhow, this afternoon simply "dead off"; lay on bed till 3 p.m.; and +yet one always feels uncomfortable to be idle one hour; it feels like +neglect of duty. What one longs for is possibility to have one day or +afternoon off regularly; something to look forward to; some time when +one can sit still. + +Funerals four (Mr. N., Mr. B., Mrs. De W., and girlie); "Dood, waar +is uw prikkel?" (Death, where is thy sting?). + +Felt unhappy and uneasy all through address, for B. had requested me +to leave him alone. Well, anyway my address was directly for the +living and not about the dead. + +Girl at door this afternoon; "Minheer, het min nie vir mij een +Wonderboek?" (Sir, havn't you got a Wonderbook for me?) "Hoe'n soort +boek?" (What kind of book?) "Een Wonderboek" (A Wonderbook). "Een +Wonderboek!" (head scratchings) "Nee, dit het ik tog glad nie. Maar +hoe'n soort boek is dit?" (A Wonderbook! No, I havn't that at all; +but what kind of book is it?) "Minheer, daar is tekste in om te leer" +(Sir, there are verses in it to learn). "Maar is dit dan nie een +Bijbel wat jij wil he?" (But isn't it a Bible you want?) "Ja, +minheer, dit is een Bijbel wat ik wil he" (Yes, sir, it is a Bible). +New name for Bible--Wonderboek. Not bad! + +After tea called to visit very sick old man; long talk; no assurance +of forgiveness of sins. Spoke earnestly on Reconciliation with God as +first step; am afraid old man disappointed in me; fear he wanted me +to recite beautiful Psalms and so forth. + +Now for line re house; walls nearly done; two windows; to-morrow +roof; edifice stands "met 'n oprechte boog' '(with great show); talk +of day; Pastorie. + +Just returned from hospital; fear Mrs. Engelbrecht won't last through +night. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[Footnote 27: Condensed milk.] + +[Footnote 28: I had in my innocence written to Mr. Robertson to +enlist his sympathy on behalf of some people who wished to be removed +to other Camps where their families were. In this letter I casually +mentioned the meat affair. In the second letter, to my mother (who +was collecting to send me a fresh small supply of invalid food), I +stated that she was on no account to send such things unless it could +be guaranteed that I should have the sole right to distribute. I +adopted this precaution because I found that the authorities reserved +for themselves the right of distributing all goods (foodstuffs) sent +by private Relief Committees, doing with such as they chose. Needless +to say, both letters were destroyed.] + +[Footnote 29: This can be altogether misconstrued. The "reasonable" +was only in comparison with the stormy interview of the day before, +when the Superintendent attacked me most fiercely. When I began the +second interview by saying I wished to resign, he changed front +altogether. It had been purely a game of bluff on his part. + +It would perhaps be well to state here my attitude towards the +authorities in Camp. + +It did not take me very many days to see exactly how things stood, +and I determined to have absolutely nothing to do with these men: to +ask no favours, and to be under no obligation to them for anything. +Of course, there came days when I was forced, under stress of +circumstances, to eat these resolutions.] + +[Footnote 30: Martie Snyman.] + +[Footnote 31: My great zeal in this matter led me to be rather severe +and inconsistent; just the same as a teacher who will stand no +excuses from his pupils.] + +[Footnote 32: Betty Lotz.] + +[Footnote 33: This child of four years gnashed all her teeth to +pieces before she died. She obstinately refused all nourishment, and +told her mother she did not want to live longer. She was indeed a +marvel. I gave the mother beef tea, which was all this child lived on +for two weeks. The mother used deceitfully (!) to give it beef tea +when it called for water.] + +[Footnote 34: On the ground.] + +[Footnote 35: Aunt; she was really the grandmother, though. Reference +is made later to this same case.] + +[Footnote 36: For cocoa.] + +[Footnote 37: These ladies never approached me, and yet they might +have known that I would naturally know more about the state of the +Camp than anyone else. The Superintendent led them about--where he +chose, I suppose. They were regarded with universal contempt by the +people. Their report I have not yet seen, but I know this: that the +Superintendent was not immediately dismissed as he should have been. +(This was only done in December.) Perhaps the subsequent extension of +the hospital and removal to a better site were due to these ladies' +suggestions. I remember, though, that we had quite decent meat (beef) +during the few days that they visited the camp.] + +[Footnote 38: I had brought with me six tins syrup, a few tins jam, 1 +lb. of tea, and a little oatmeal.] + +[Footnote 39: The Rev. J. Steytler, who had also gone to labour in a +camp. He was sent away for political reasons.] + +[Footnote 40: This was my daily dilemma: Speak out and protest, and +be removed or imprisoned--hold silence and [Transcriber's note: illegible word] the +coward, and remain in the work. And I chose the latter.] + +[Footnote 41: The rule was that a card, with the number of any tent +where medical attendance was desired, should be pinned to the +Chemist's Tent before a certain hour in the morning. Many chose to +have no attendance, so great was their fear and dread for two of the +doctors. Many, too, in spite of their cards, were never visited.] + +[Footnote 42: Dutch idiom, literally translated, "pull through."] + +[Footnote 43: This calamity, fortunately, only cast its shadow--it +never fell. The Rev. Mr. Becker used to come over every afternoon, +and continued this labour of love until the end of November, when he +was prohibited from visiting the camp any more. How faithful he was! +How well I remember the little figure in black flitting hither and +thither among the tents. We seldom met in camp, but many a time I +smuggled into a tent where I had seen him enter, just to learn from +him to pray.] + +[Footnote 44: Mr. Otto, the Schoolmaster of Dewetsdorp, a God-fearing +man, with a large heart and a great soul--a blessing to many.] + +[Footnote 45: The last day for the Boers to lay down arms, according +to Kitchener's great proclamation.] + +[Footnote 46: Whereon I used to hang out my bedding.] + +[Footnote 47: Never was there crueller irony of fate than in this +doctor's case. He was altogether unpopular with the authorities, and +was at last dismissed for incompetence. When the news of his +dismissal became known, a petition was drawn up in his lines, praying +that he might remain. This was granted. The day I left hospital he +was carried in, stricken with enteric--and he died.] + +[Footnote 48: Biltong is dried beef. These people were new arrivals. +Mr. Van As and I often remarked to each other that one could readily +distinguish the new arrivals from the rest--the former always +appearing ruddy and in good health.] + +[Footnote 49: Baby Van As.] + +[Footnote 50: Which I practically stole.] + +[Footnote 51: Members of the Afgescheidene Kerk (Doppers) sing only +Psalms, never Hymns.] + +[Footnote 52: This was Mrs. Van der Berg--Lenie's mother.] + +[Footnote 53: Lenie van der Berg.] + +[Footnote 54: My brother packed a box of groceries for me, and my +mother bought a fresh supply of invalid food.] + +[Footnote 55: Merchant at Bloemfontein, to whom I had written for +groceries.] + +[Footnote 56: The two shops in Camp contained precious little, and no +foodstuffs.] + +[Footnote 57: Mr. Van As and Mr. Fourie were the contractors.] + +[Footnote 58: How well I remember this incident; how we hopefully +approached the Superintendent's tent; how he gave two little boxes; +and how he said, "That's the way you spoil them," as I myself +unpacked the bottle straw for the old man. (The bottle straw had to +be saved for his horse's bedding.)] + +[Footnote 59: I got permission first.] + +[Footnote 60: Literally from Dutch "spit afbijten"--bear the brunt.] + + + + +CHAP. III. + + +Tuesday, October 1.--Village whole morning; barber (at last); came +back wiser and sadder man; can safely stow away comb and brush for a +month; two packets of candles by piece of luck. Grand dinner; roast +mutton, rice, mealies, and canned quinces. May I never forget that +dish of gravy! + +Found goods from Champion had arrived; life again; pickles, jam, +"domel simmel" (golden syrup), cheese, and few pounds butter. + +Supper sumptuous; good spirits. + +Went through hospital wards. + +Young Joubert (20) dying; visited him twice; quite ready; waiting to +be taken; found mother at bedside. + +Old Mr. Plessis pleurisy; great agony; restless; fretful; fearful; +fear the worst; wonder if prepared to die? + +Straight to convalescent tent; reproaches; "Ach, minheer, het min dan +ver ons vergeet?" (O, sir, have you then forgotten us?); Psalm 103. + +Mrs. V.d.W. very, very bad; greatly comforted; beseeched me to come +again. + +In old ward also; some very sick; Mrs. Griesel, Mrs. De W., Mrs. +Steyn, Engelbrecht--all very low. + +Feel more and more to neglect hospital would be criminal. + +Then still two other women's wards, where had to read and pray and +speak word all round; and finally the children's ward; girlie very +bad. + +After rounds (seven wards) felt like king; happy; weary, yet withal +happy. + +And our camp? Total neglect. But will I ever here roll me snugly in +my blankets with the satisfaction that all the sick and suffering +have been visited? + +There have died up to September in our camp over 500. Appalling! + +Only one buried this afternoon (Mr. Becker); died in hospital. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, October 3.--No diary yesterday; listless to-day also; hot; +oppressive days; one just longs for day to end. Towards evening +(sunset) usually nice and cool, and wind goes down. + +What shall I write about? Diary becoming monotonous; too great a +sameness. Hospitals; visits; sick; dying; funerals; morose topic; +oppressive. + +Boer khaki in camp to-day. Result of visit, about a dozen have joined +forces of the English. Wonder if a worm wouldn't have more +self-respect! Such characters make themselves despicable and +contemptible in eyes of the English themselves. To us it brings +deep-down humiliation. Can a man sink so low? Enough. + +Two night ago some women and children cleared off--"for," said they, +"lest we starve here." + +Can a man (let alone a woman--breathe not of a child) remain healthy +and strong on bread, meat (miserable half-pound), coffee, and +condensed milk? And so, when a sickness comes there is nothing to +fall back upon--no resistance. And with a wasted constitution who can +battle against fever, pneumonia, and other things? + +And for those that grimly struggle through, there is nothing +wherewith to nourish and strengthen; no real milk; no eggs; wine; no +delicacies such as convalescents should be tempted with. About as +saddening sight as one can dream of is a peep into the children's +ward--poor wasted, withered little innocents! + +Mr. Otto buried eight this afternoon. + + * * * * * + +Friday, October 4.--Let me have a clean blank page for to-night in +honour of my new home! Here I sit in glorious solitude, actually in a +room! Four walls, four naked walls, but walls withal--stare down upon +me with their muddy countenances, and I have an idea that they smile +upon me in affection--four muddy brown smiles! + +And so my ideal has been realised; and I am proud possessor of a +house. Really word "house"[61] seems too inadequate, too +insignificant wherewith to name it. + +(Later)--Short joy; rudely awakened to sorrows of life; mother just +gone by weeping bitterly; went out and took her home to her tent; +daughter dying in hospital; Ferreira (admitted yesterday, fever). +This morning still conscious when I spoke to her, and when we read +and prayed together. And now? + +Have just returned hospital; father there; girl evidently dying; +fever 105; quite unconscious; strong, strapping girl of nineteen; +knelt by bed and prayed; nothing impossible with God; while there is +life there is hope. + +Will postpone description of house till another occasion; under this +cloud one's ink gets cloggy and one's pen listless. + +Spent morning in hospital, and after--little visiting. + +Funerals, five children; "Laat de kinderen" (Suffer the little +children). Mother fainted at grave; great consternation. + +Large laager troops close by. + + * * * * * + +Sunday, October 6.--No diary yesterday; spent morning at river[62]; +hour's walk; small party, seven; persuaded Mr. Fourie to join; wife +betterish. + +Forgot for the while there was such a thing as a camp, and in the +beauties, rugged and rude, of Nature able to enjoy life once more and +banish thoughts of sickness, hospitals, deaths, funerals, etc. The +grand old river! + +Returned early with Mr. F. and did few hours' visiting. + +To-day most busy and tiring day, as all Sundays are. + +Service at ten and again at three. + +Funerals at 5 p.m., four; after, prayer meeting. + +Luckily (!) weather threatening, so announced there would be no +meeting to-night; thankful in my soul. + +And now the gentle drops making music on my roof; really it is too +grand; one feels like living again to be in room where you can stand +upright all over. + +Miss Ferreira died last night; buried this afternoon; "Zalig zijn de +dooden die in den Heere sterven" (Blessed are the dead which die in +the Lord); large crowd at cemetery. + +But to think that so young and so strong a person should so suddenly +be called away; "Levende gaan zij de eeuwigheid binnen" (literally, +Living they enter eternity). + +Miss Van Tonder very, very low in hospital; cannot bear thought of +her perhaps dying; it will be too, too sad; so young, so good, so +patient. God only knows! + +Yesterday eight buried; mostly children. + +Let me rather fill pipe; get into bed, and listen to soothing rain +without. + + * * * * * + +Tuesday, October 8.--Getting lazy with diary; effects of comforts of +house, no doubt. Just copied Dr. M.'s list of patients; total 150; +mostly in new camp; wonder how on earth am to find time to visit +these tents; and this is but one of the three doctors' lists! So +one's time is just made up with visits to sick, and for other work +there is no opportunity. One gets "daarom" (literally, therefore) a +bit hopeless with the amount of work. O for a few more to help! + +Hospital runs away with whole morning; and positively cannot neglect +that work, and then come the funerals every other day. + +Buried four children this afternoon; one girlie I often visited; "En +zij brachten kinderkens tot Jezus" (And they brought children to +Jesus). + +One cannot help smiling sometimes in midst of death; the comic +element will crop up everywhere and the sublime verges on the +ridiculous. Old Mrs. Griesel, delirious, "Ach, minheer, en moet ik +nou sterve en dit zonder eers een glas karren melk to kry?" (O, sir, +and must I die now, and that without one glass of buttermilk?); +wonder, wonder how many will get well in that fatal ward. Give Miss +Van Tonder up, also Mrs. Steyn and Mrs. Griesel--but! + +Four children struggling with Death just now; among these a tiny +little girl three years--the dearest, sweetest, little cherub +imaginable. It knocks one over completely to see mother kneeling +silently by bedside. There is pathetic element in the utter +helplessness of human love. How hard to witness suffering with a +breaking heart and to be--helpless! + +Our new hospital matron arrived; let us hope for better things +now.[63] + +Found old Englishman (Hockins) in hospital; chat and prayer in +English; my first in camp. + +Big load of boards arrived this morning; now there will be coffin +material again for a short season.[64] + +To-morrow afternoon is service, and nothing ready yet. + + * * * * * + +Thursday, October 10.--Sad and gloomy day. + +Early visit hospital, and on entering fatal ward saw the two empty +places--Mrs. Griesel and Miss Van Tonder. O, the sorrow, the bitter +sorrow, of it! Went to morgue tents and saw her again in death who +had suffered so long and patiently these last few weeks. Rest after +weariness--sweet rest at last. But where, O where, are our prayers? +May God save me from sin of unbelief and doubt during these days! + +"Nie pijn nie, Minheer L., maar net zoo gedaan" (No, no pain, Mr. L., +but only so weary). Thus, when I asked her on my last visit if she +had any pain. + +That tent too much for me now, and could not enter there to-day. God +forgive my neglect! + +Three others (children) also dead hospital. + +Went late last evening to tents in "infected area"; found three +children all very bad, and one boy struggling in Death's throes; poor +little chap; he is gone since, and we buried him this afternoon. + +Thirteen coffins; so sad, so painfully sad. May I never forget the +weeping crowd around the open graves! + +"En God zal alle tranen van hunne oogen afwisschen" (And God shall +wipe away all tears from their eyes); sang, "Voor eeuwig met den +Heere" (For ever with the Lord). And now, where are these dead? What +would I not give to have short minute's talk with that good young +girl! What would she tell me? We read together so often, prayed so +often, spoke about enternal things so often. And now! What now? How +good and wise of God to withhold from our knowledge some certain +things. + +Our life here on earth must be one of Faith and Hope. + +Feel so horribly low this evening. + +Visits in camp, before hospital; again before funerals; also after +funerals; but making no headway; hundreds of sick all about, and +hundreds who can never be visited. + +Great concern yesterday; officials want now to remove my tent[65], +and I positively cannot do without same; and with all this worry had +to prepare afternoon service; sudden inspiration and wonderful grace +to boot; "Komt herwaarts tot mij alien" (Come unto me all ye that +labour). + +Service of great comfort to own heart. + +Saw Superintendent this morning; inflexible; I am powerless because I +was given the roof. + +One has to stoop greatly during these days. + +It hurts, it humiliates, it chafes; and one needs extra grace. + + * * * * * + +Saturday Night, October 12.--Saw most distressing case yesterday; +Mrs. Herbst, 398; bare and empty tent; one bundle of things; one +small bundle wood; few cooking utensils, and on the floor a bed +(!)--couple bags as mattress and a few blankets. And there sat the +mother with hands clasped round her knee and a little girl beside +her; "En het jij dan nie ander goed nie?" (And have you no other +goods?) "Nee, Minheer, dit is al wat ik bezit; hulle het alles van +mij weggeneem" (No, sir, this is all I possess; they took everything +from me). + +"En waar is die ander kindje?" (And where is the other little one?) +"Minheer, hij is gister begrave" (Sir, he was buried yesterday). +Alone and cast-away; no friends; poverty-stricken. Such sights enough +to make one's heart freeze within. + +Called at hospital again before afternoon visits to find out tent +number of Nellie van Tonder's parents; no one could tell; so came +away determined to find tent all same; passed doctor; "Hullo, Padre, +forgot to tell you of very bad case 715; afraid you won't find child +alive though;" so hurried away to 715; and actually there found +myself in very tent I wanted to visit. But I was too late for the +child. Carried him away ten minutes before I came. Such is life! +"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions." + +Instead of having to comfort and cheer in their loss of loving +daughter, had to pray God for grace to bear a new and grievous burden +of grief. + +(Later)--Just returned hospital; a little girl moaning most pitiably, +so I went to see what was matter; admitted this afternoon. +Inflammation of stomach; fearful pain; such a dear, sweet little +thing (can hear her moaning just now). Talked to her this afternoon, +and asked her if she knew Who had made her sick? "Ja, Oom" (Yes, +uncle). "Wie dan, my kind?" (Who then, my child?) "Khaki Oom" (khaki +uncle). Collapse on my part. + +Six coffins this afternoon; "Heere, maak mij bekend mijne einde" +(Lord, make me to know mine end); great crowd; painful delay; one +grave too short; had to sing three long verses while it was being +lengthened. + +Talk of day--Doctor got knocked down in camp this afternoon. Have not +seen him whole afternoon; offending party marched to gaol; wonder +what the issue will be! + + * * * * * + +Sunday, October 13.--Glorious eventide. What grander than to sit +still at perfect rest after burden of a long and heavy day! What a +day to look back upon! I tremble when I think of what I am compelled +out of sheer compulsion to venture. Service this morning; "Deze zijn +het die uit de groote verdrukking komen" (These are they which come +out of great tribulation). This afternoon, "Hoe zou ik u overgeven, O +Efraim? U overleveren, O Israel?" (How shall I give thee up, Ephraim. +How shall I deliver thee, Israel?) + +"Scant and small the booty proved"--more's the pity! + +When will I find time to prepare myself decently? + +Anyhow, comfort myself with thought that if hearers knew (and no +doubt they do) how pressed I am for time, they will deal gently with +my scanty productions. For myself, whole subject very unsatisfactory +and unsatisfying. + +Immediately after service; funerals; Mr. Becker unable; seven or +eight, all children; huge crowd; splendid opportunity; "Gij dwaas +hetgeen gij zaait wordt niet levend tenzij dat het gestorven is" +(Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not quickened except it die). + + There is a Reaper whose name is Death, + Who with his sickle keen, + Cuts the bearded grain at a breath, + And the flowers that grow between. + +After funerals, girls' prayer meeting. + +Last and best of all--Service of Song, evening. Now what on earth can +be more beautiful than our meeting this evening? Such a crowd, and +such singing! Ten minutes, John iii., 16. And now the day is over. + +And the sick? And the hospital? All neglected; too pitiable to +contemplate. And Mrs. Grobelaar dying; when, two days ago, visited +her, said as I drew napkin from face, "Ach Minheer L., het min. dan +vir mij vergeet?" (O, Mr. L., have you then forgotten me?); she was +delirious most of day, but when I spoke to her she was quite +conscious. And how inwardly thankful when I prayed with her; poor +mother; her days on earth are numbered; both lungs gone. + +Little babe, Van Huyssteen, also dead this morning (mother shot on +their flight by English; babe pined away out of sheer lack of +nourishment). + + * * * * * + +Wednesday, October 16.--Getting lazy with diary; mindful of old Mark +Twain. + +Hear woman's voice calling "Ambulance! Ambulance! Ambulance! in 172 +moet een meisje weggedra wordt" (Ambulance! in 172 a little girl has +to be removed). Here go the bearers! + +172 is just thirty yards from 177, where I take meals, and next to +171 old Mrs. Van Straten, whom I regularly visit, and yet I know +absolutely nothing of this girl's sickness nor her death till this +very minute. Enough to make one discouraged. + +Of Monday's work can't remember much except that I found the "summum" +of misery and distress in 678, Pelser's; whole family down measles; +poverty; filth; baby ill at breast (died yesterday, buried this +afternoon); sent food, but made her promise faithfully that children +would be washed to-day. + +What horrible thing is dirt! Surely one of greatest gifts is to be +able to appreciate the "clean." + +Funerals again Monday; "Zalig zijn de dooden die in den Heere +sterven" (Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord); so many children +again. + +Visit old Mr. Du Toit on way home. + +Now am I positively dead![66] "Mijnheer, min. moet mij tog een ding +beloove; om als de oorlog verbij is, die preek van min. te laat druk +enz enz, Om te doen gedenken" (Sir, you must promise me one thing, to +publish your sermon on 'To bring to remembrance' when the war is +over). + +"Kan jij nou meer!"[67] Really now, after all there is nothing like a +good, long, square ear-to-ear grin in this world! + +Shall I deny, though, that there is just a wee drop of cheer and +comfort, huge as the joke is! + +Yesterday fellow who knocked down doctor returned; fined L5; and +since Saturday no one to do his lines[68]. + +Found 597 very bad; young girl (Kruger); wants to die. + +245, Mrs. Du Preez; great pain; died last night, buried this +afternoon. + +Two little children remain behind; saddening. + +Buried six this afternoon; "Ik ben verstomd, ik deed mynen mond niet +open, want Gij hebt het gedaan" (I was dumb. I opened not my mouth +because Thou didst it). Saw motherless boy and girl weeping at grave +(Mrs. Oliver, 107, 62, 50). + +In 62 the thinnest, skeletonest babe ever seen. How old and withered +up these little mites become! + +Asked Dr. M. visit 262, and try and get her admitted to hospital. + +Next morning actually--I repeat actually[69]--I found her there. Am +wonderfully thankful; now the old grandmother can take her rest; poor +old soul; so faithful; so willing, and so gentle always. One can +understand better such sayings as "Faithful unto Death" when you +watch those around sickbeds here in camp. + +Found in 167 young mother (babe); arm very bad; no friends; alone; +Mrs. Van Staden took mercy on her when she arrived ten days ago; all +relatives in Norval's Pont Camp. How could she get well here! + +Got doctor yesterday to give her note to headquarters, and this +afternoon, after repeated visits, at length succeeded in getting her +off to Norval's Pont; poor little soul; may she now find rest for her +weary, fainting heart. (Feel rather satisfied with myself when I +think of her (Mrs. Van Wyk) and Mrs. Grobbelaar!) + +Saw this afternoon most marvellous "en aandoenlijk" (touching) thing +in camp. + +Mrs. Jacobs, 721; little daughter was shot through stomach on their +flight from English, some three weeks ago, and the child lay 'twixt +life and death for days; now she is quite well again; too wonderful +for words; "Minheer, kijk hier!" (Sir, look here), and the mother +unrolled a little flannel vest before my eyes. The front part had two +cruel, ugly holes, one an inch, other almost two in length; the whole +was as though dipped in blood. Let me be dumb--words would be wicked! + +"Ja, minheer, die hempie zal ik bewaar als die grootste schat op +aarde, en aan mij kinders en kinds-kinders vermaak" (Yes, sir, this +little vest I shall cherish as the greatest treasure I have on earth, +and shall bequeath it to my children and children's children). + +Splendid meeting this evening; hearty singing; Joh. iii., 16, last +Sunday; to-night "Een iegelijk" (Whosoever). + +Service this afternoon; "De Heere is mijn herder" (The Lord is my +shepherd). + +Glad to be able to go through hospital again. + +Good news; quantity of things arrived this afternoon. At last! + + * * * * * + +Friday Night.--"Joy cometh in the morning," so it is written, and yet +it was grief and disappointment which came yesterday morning. One +case goods missing; and the very one which belongs to me personally. +After all these weeks of waiting--hard, hard luck! Never mind! Read +few days ago of remedy for "lowness of spirit," "neerslagtigheid" +(down-heartedness), "Think of the burdens of some individual you +know." Excellent! Now let me think of the sorrows of that unhappy +little mother, Mrs. Van Wyk, 167. When last wrote, she had left; but +yesterday morning she was sent back; papers not in order; and on +inquiries at office to-day was told point-blank (with a snub in the +bargain) that she could no more think of going. Such a life; had not +the heart to bear the news, for I heard she has been crying all +day--poor little castaway. Is there no pity? Feel like Kit Kennedy. +Would there were a bag of chaff somewhere near which I could pummel +soundly for half an hour, just to let off steam; just to pummel +something, seeing one cannot pummel somebody; it might ease the +strain. + +Why, this innocent creature, with bandaged arm and suckling at +breast, she couldn't hurt a fly if she tried; and yet, and yet all +this worry, all this endless trouble and disappointment, just to get +her from here to her mother in Norval's Pont--and now? Let me not +think on it! She will eat her heart away in sorrow, and no doubt soon +will be at rest in a bit room six feet by three. + +In hospital yesterday, found young girl (20), Henning's, dying; +enteric; so young; so strong; in flower of life; it seems too awful, +too contrary, "Levend zij den dood in" (Living they enter eternity); +and others again, little infants, will struggle and battle for life +for weeks and weeks, regular "Kannie doods" (Cannot dies, literally). +Great mystery! + +Mother at bedside; told me she said she was going to Jesus; "Ma, jij +het nou ver mij twintig jaar ge had en nou wil die Heere vir mij he" +(Mother, you have had me twenty years, and now the Lord wants me); +quite unconscious when we prayed; poor mother, the helplessness, +utter helplessness of Love! + +In other ward Mrs. Du Toit and Mrs. Grobbelaar very, very bad; saw +the worst, and prayed for them--and the end? End is this:--that this +afternoon we buried these three, and sang over open graves, "Ik +geloof een eeuw'ge leven" (I believe in life everlasting), "Ik ga +heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a place for you). + +I often marvel that never yet been at loss for suitable text to talk +about at graves. In beginning I used to have half-hour's quiet +before funerals to meditate; now my meditation comes off as we slowly +wind to the sacred acre; and yet there has always been "sufficient" +and "according to the need." + +Visited old Mrs. Dussels, mother of Mrs. Grobelaar--"zoo tevreden, +zoo stil, zoo olijmoedig, door God's genade" (So content, so quiet, +so glad, through God's grace). + +Village to-day; jam; autoharp tuned; roses; treat for supper; +"rooster koek (scones) and grape jam. + +After supper called to sick old man; old Mr. Hennings very, very +weak; words of cheer; prayer; wonder if I shall ever see him alive +again; don't think it; tent 8. + +N.B.--So all my brag of last day "nul en van geene waarde" (null and +void). + +Mrs. Grobelaar, dead and buried. + +Mrs. Van Wyk, "As you were." + +Moral:---- + + * * * * * + +Sunday, October 20.--The blessedness of eventide, the satisfaction +after long and hard day's work; delicious feeling of rest and +contentment; soothing is such solitude. + +Yesterday rather "offish" whole day; felt just as though "it wouldn't +come." + +Visited family of Afgescheiden people; sterling Christian old lady, +Mrs. Van der Heever. + +In so far am at rest now with regard Mrs. Van Wyk; with doctor's help +we have got her and baby safely lodged in hospital; some consolation +anyhow. + +In fever ward found Mrs. Olivier dying; fine, strong woman. How +cruel and relentless is Death; prayed at bedside; quite unconscious, +and passed away some minutes after. + +Very painful task yesterday, matter which has been awaiting +investigation some days already. Young girl of sixteen ran away to +River with view to getting into British lines. Bad character since +last year, when British entered Bethulie. Sent with mother to +Bloemfontein Camp on that account by military. Weeks ago she was +brought back from river, but refused to return to mother; found she +was staying with notorious villian E----, whose wife ill in +hospital.... + +Yesterday afternoon Mr. Becker, Elder du Toit, and self straight talk +with E----. But oh, what a blackguard he is, and how devilishly good +and obedient! Made himself out a second good Samaritan. + +Took her to mother; willing to forgive and receive her back, if she +is truly repentant and promises to remain and obey. And now? The +Lord only knows. Mr. Becker promised to call this afternoon; must +hold eye on her; must make her feel and know that we desire only her +welfare. Feel convinced that unless we get her converted to God +everything will be in vain. + +Hurried off to village; breakfast parsonage; return with magnificent +leg of mutton and salad; flowers. + +Church service soon after; fortunately could use sermon prepared for +last Wednesday afternoon, "Het leven is mij Christus, het sterven is +mij gewin" (For me to live is Christ, to die is gain). Splendid +congregation at both places. + +Visit Ottos; boy very, very bad; enteric; fear worst; prayer. + +After dinner, repose and preparation for afternoon service; restless +hour and half with no progress; 110 texts; no go, so in despair at +2.30 got up, and after bit prayer decided to preach to young people +on "En de Heere keerde zich om en zag Petrus aan" (And the Lord +turned and looked upon Peter); immense crowd; wonderfully helped. + +Funerals four; very large crowd; hundreds; splendid opportunity +again; "En de dooden werden geoordeeld naar hetgeen in de boeken +geschreven was" (And the dead were judged out of the things which +were written in the books). We are all busy, each with his own book, +and each day we add a page; but one day, like with these dead, we +come to our last page. What have we written? How do we write? When we +become God's children, God writes in letters of red--with Christ's +blood as ink--over the pages of sin we have till now written, +"Cleansed in Jesus's blood," and thence we write only to the glory of +God. And the little children we bury to-day--they too have their +little books completed, but I believe there was an angel to hold the +pen of each child, and that therefore their little books will be pure +before God. + +After funerals, girls' prayer meeting; very enjoyable gathering; +regulated prayers somewhat; first for our own special needs, second +and third for our camp--sick, weary, sorrowful, careless, +unconverted, hospital; fourth and fifth, relatives and friends far +away; Land en Volk. + +Tea, and at 7.15 our evening service of song (went to tea at 6.30, +people already going to service). + +Glorious singing, place inside and outside (?) simply packed; +reserved seats for nurses, who arrived few minutes late; "Prys den +Heere" (Praise the Lord) again; temptation too great; sudden +inspiration. + +"Wederzien" (God be with you) beautifully sung; also several +kinderharp; so hearty, so enjoyable; quarter-hour over time; +announced next meeting Tuesday night (D.V.). + +And now the day is over. + +Mr. Becker had huge crowd in lower church this afternoon while I had +young people. May God's Word not return to Him void! + +And now for a good old pipe, and a few good long thoughts of home, +dear ones, and friends. + +(This almost long enough for sermon, and needs only the Amen!) + + * * * * * + +Thursday, October 24.--Long break, four days gone by; but one day is +like the other except that on alternative days I take the funerals; +for the rest, each day is like preceding morning, noon, and +afternoon--sick! sick! sick! + +O for a change in my work! The continual cry is "Minheer, kom tog +hier" (Sir, please come here), "Minheer, gaat tog daar" (Sir, please +go there), and one grows so weary of scenes of suffering and sorrow; +always red and tear-stained eyes; always Love, helpless, hopeless, +impotent, despairing; always face to face with Decay, Change, Death; +always the same close, stifling, little tent. + +Such a life here as "leeraart" (chaplain) full of dull, oppressive, +burdensome, wearying, saddening hours. O the monotony, the horrible +monotony of my work. How welcome the hour of sunset! How blissful to +lay me down to sleep! Thank God for his unspeakable gift of +sleep--that period of forgetfulness, of rest, of void. + +And yet let me confess, can there be any work grander, more glorious, +than just this work of mine? How one can revel in it! The unspeakable +bliss of being able to ease the burdens of one's fellow-men--the +supreme honour of being able to be a blessing. Surely the purest +pleasure here on earth--to bear one another's burdens. + +To-day a grievous, burdensome day--full of worry and trouble. + +Found that my tent had been unceremoniously pulled down and removed +during my morning visit in camp. + +Hurried home to find things lying in dire confusion, and unprotected. + +"Ai, maar dit was ook genoeg om'n mens regtig moeilijk en nukkerig te +maak" (Ah, but it was enough to rouse and irritate a person). But +what an utter absence of the faintest traces of some respect and +deference. There are men whose cold-blooded brutishness and +irreverence knock one over completely. One's person, one's +profession, is no guarantee, no safeguard--nay, I verily believe some +glory and revel in the act of making a fellow-creature miserable. + +So I sent in my resignation on the spot. "The indignity which I had +suffered at the hands of the authorities makes it impossible for me +to continue in my office." + +And of course this made a mighty change, and there were explanations +and apologies, etc., and at 1 p.m. I had another tent, and my +resignation safe in drawer. + +May I never have occasion to undergo such a mental, internal struggle +again. One positively has need of extra grace each day, so much as +regular supply and so much extra. + +But now day is over and the turmoil is over. Thank God! + +Funerals four; "In het huis mijns vaders" (In my Father's house); +felt offish; visited old Thomas du Toit; fear he won't make it. + +Thence old Mr. Van der Merwe; dying. + +Too dead beat to go to Mrs. Van der Berg, who I believe is dying. + +Girlie 169 also in Death's throes; horrid, cruel, wicked fever. + +168, girlie, pneumonia; wishes to die. "Minheer, ik wil tog liever +bij Jezus wees, hier is dit al te zwaar" (Sir, I would much rather +be with Jesus; here it is too hard). + +Visited Mrs. Van der Walt, 184, who lost three children some weeks +(in twenty-four hours); also old Mr. Venter; alone; wife and two +daughters died few weeks ago; poor old fellow! what cup of suffering. + +At the graves spoke to mother, "Dit is nou mij zesde, minheer" (This +is now my sixth, sir). + +Several in hospital dead too. + +Very sorry about old Mr. Hockins (he had died); did not visit him +during last few days. + +Hospital removed to-day; right out of camp; great undertaking. Will +mean so much more time lost for me. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[Footnote 61: Size of this house (!), 10 feet by 7 feet; height, +7-1/2 feet.] + +[Footnote 62: The Orange River is an hour's walk from Camp.] + +[Footnote 63: This is no reflection upon the two nurses, Miss Rouvier +and Miss Roos, who had the management of the hospital. The arrival of +a new matron simply meant more help.] + +[Footnote 64: These boards were sold at 7s. 6d. a piece to the +people.] + +[Footnote 65: This room was built at my own expense, but I was +obliged to ask the Superintendent for six old sheets of galvanized +iron for the roof. When the building was finished, I was told, to my +dismay, that my tent would now have to be given up, as I had been +given a roof.] + +[Footnote 66: Exclamation of amusement--a literal translation from +the Dutch.] + +[Footnote 67: Literally again, Can you want more?] + +[Footnote 68: Two very sympathetic doctors came about ten days later. +One was Dr. Stuart, the other's name I do not remember.] + +[Footnote 69: This emphatic surprise because of the great dislike +that was usually shown to accept dying patients.] + + + + + +CONCLUSION. + +Here the Diary ends abruptly. + +The last entry is Thursday, the 24th October. + +I continued work until the Sunday following; but after the services +of the day I felt a little more than simply tired. On Monday, +however, the funerals had to be taken in the afternoon. That was the +last duty done in camp. Then I knew enteric was upon me, and on +Friday, the 1st November, they carried me into hospital. + +After more than a month in hospital, during convalescence (but while +mentally affected) I ran away to the Van As's. It was a case of +mental delusion. The whole issue of the war depended upon me--could I +be kept in hospital, then the English would win; was I allowed to +escape, the Boers would win. + +After ten days in camp again (for I was wisely left alone), it slowly +dawned upon me (while waiting for a permit to return home) that every +one had been bought over to conspire against me. So I left the camp +one evening after dark. Mr. Becker was the only man to be trusted, and +to the Beckers forthwith I fled. + +In another ten days my brother arrived to take me home. + +During these days of blank, my chief pastime was to recite the Burial +Service. + +When once home, complete recovery came speedily. + + + + +NOTE TO CONCLUSION. + +A.--Three subjects there were which, while writing the Diary, I +decided to treat fully later--"The Daily Funerals," "The Sanitation," +and "The Officials." This could be done from memory, and could well +stand aside while devoting my time to the daily experiences. + +There is, however, too much of the morbid in the Diary already +without wilfully adding more, so "The Daily Funerals" is let alone. + +The second will be too disgusting, so it must stand over too; and as +for "The Officials," two have since died (December, 1901--enteric), +and so that chapter as well may not be written. + +B.--One word more on the mortality of the Camp. Here is the official +record of the deaths:-- + +1901--May, June, July 47 + August 175 + September 236 + October 154 + November 236 + December 276 +1902--January-March 183 + ------- + Total 1,307 + +The Rev. Mr. Becker, however (who made a point of noting down the +exact number of deaths each day) gives 206, 246, 157 as the totals +for August, September, October respectively. The amended grand total +would then come to 1,351. + + + + +TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES: + +Variant spellings have been retained. In a few instances, punctuation and +spelling errors have been corrected. These are listed below. + +1) In Footnote 20, the original reads: "The flour given was good for the +bread was usually excellent." A comma has been added. + +2) In Chapter II, page 16; the original reads "A cenus taken lately". + +3) In Chapter II, page 39; the original reads "same +one I had long tallks with before". + +4) In Chapter II, page 49: the original reads "so had hrriedly to go". + +5) In Chapter II, page 52: the original reads "What one longs for is +possibility to have on day or afternoon off". + +6) In Footnote 51, the original reads: "... sing only Psalms. never +Hymns." A period has been replaced with a comma. + +7) In Chapter III, page 58: the original reads: "you won't find child +alive though;;". + +END OF TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Woman's Endurance, by A.D.L. + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WOMAN'S ENDURANCE *** + +***** This file should be named 16859.txt or 16859.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/8/5/16859/ + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Audrey Longhurst, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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