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diff --git a/16683.txt b/16683.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ccaccd9 --- /dev/null +++ b/16683.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16396 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Secret Bread, by F. Tennyson Jesse + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Secret Bread + +Author: F. Tennyson Jesse + +Release Date: September 11, 2005 [EBook #16683] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SECRET BREAD *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, David Clarke and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +SECRET BREAD + +BY + +F. TENNYSON JESSE + +Author Of "The Milky Way," +"Beggars On Horseback," Etc. + + +"_Bread eaten in secret_..." + + +New York +George H. Doran Company + +Copyright, 1917, +By George H. Doran Company + +Printed In The United States Of America + + + + +TO + +EUSTACE TENNYSON D'EYNCOURT JESSE +MY FATHER AND FRIEND + + + + +CONTENTS + + +BOOK I--SOWING + +Prologue + +CHAPTER + + I High Adventures in a Farmyard + II The Mill + III The Kitchen + IV Pagan Pastoral + V Head of the House + VI Reactions + VII The Chapel + VIII Seed-Time + IX Fresh Pasture + X Hilaria + XI The Place on the Moor + XII Some Ambitions and an Announcement + XIII The Wrestling + XIV The Wind upon the Grass-Field + + +BOOK II--GROWTH + +CHAPTER + + I A Family Album + II What Men Live By + III First Furrow + IV The Shadow at the Window + V Lull Before Storm + VI The Bush-Beating + VII The Heart of the Cyclone + VIII New Horizons + IX Hidden Springs + X Blind Steps + XI Glamour + XII Sheaves + XIII The Stile + XIV A Letter + XV Blown Husks + XVI The Grey World + XVII The Cliff and the Valley +XVIII The Immortal Moment + + +BOOK III--RIPENING + +CHAPTER + + I Under-Currents + II The Passage + III Phoebe Pays Toll + IV The Discovering of Nicky + V Centripetal Movement + VI The Nation and Nicky + VII Paradise Cottage Again + VIII What Nicky Did + IX Judith's White Night + X Lone Trails + XI Ways of Love + XII Georgie + + +BOOK IV--THE SHADOW OF THE SCYTHE + +CHAPTER + + I Questions of Vision + II Autumn + III Bodies of Fire + IV The New Judith + V The Parson's Philosophy + VI "Something Must Come to All of Us..." + VII Earth + + +BOOK V--HARVEST + +CHAPTER + + I The Four-Acre + II Archelaus, Nicky, Jim + III The Letters + IV Hester + V Reaping + VI Threshing + VII Garnered Grain + +Epilogue + + + + +BOOK I + +SOWING + + + + +SECRET BREAD + +PROLOGUE + + +There was silence in the room where James Ruan lay in the great bed, +awaiting his marriage and his death--a silence so hushed that it was not +broken, only faintly stirred, by the knocking of a fitful wind at the +casement, and the occasional collapse of the glowing embers on the +hearth. The firelight flickered over the whitewashed walls, which were +dimmed to a pearly greyness by the stronger light without; the sick +man's face was deep in shadow under the bed canopy, but one full-veined +hand showed dark upon the blue and white check of the counterpane. All +life, both without and within, was dying life--waning day at the +casement, failing fire on the hearth, and in the shadowy bed a man's +soul waiting to take wing. + +Ruan lay with closed eyes, so still he might have been unconscious, but +in reality he was gathering together all of force and energy he +possessed; every sense was concentrated on the bare act of keeping +alive--keenly and clearly alive--until the wished-for thing was +accomplished. Then, the effort over, the stored-up vitality spent, he +hoped to go out swiftly, no dallying on the dim borderland. As he lay +his closed lids seemed like dull red films against the firelight, and +across them floated a series of memory-pictures, which he noted +curiously, even with a dry amusement. + +He saw himself, as a big-boned surly lad, new to his heritage; then as a +middle-aged man, living in a morose isolation save for Annie and the +children. Little half-forgotten incidents drifted past him, and always, +with the strange detachment of the dying, he saw himself from the +outside, as it were, even as he saw Annie and the children. Finally, his +travelling mind brought him to the present still hour of dusk, so soon +to deepen into night. Thinking of that which was to come, his mouth +twitched to a smile; he flattered himself he had kept his neighbours +well scandalised during his life; now, from his death-bed, he would send +widening circles of amazement over the whole county, and set tongues +clacking and heads wagging at the last freak of that old reprobate, Ruan +of Cloom. He lay there, grimly smiling, the pleasure of the successful +creator in his mind as he thought over the last situation of his making. +The smouldering patches of red on the crumbling logs shrank smaller and +smaller as the close-set little points of fire died out, and the +feathery ash-flakes fell in a soft pile on the hearthstone. + +Opening his eyes, Ruan turned his head a little on the pillow, so that +he could watch the changing square of sky. A ragged curtain of cloud, +blurred and wet-looking at the edge, hung almost to the hill-top, but +between ran a streak of molten pallor, and against it the hedge of +wilted thorns that crowned the hill stood out black and contorted. One +great ploughed field stretched from the garden to the hill-crest; in the +middle of its curve a tall grey granite monolith reared up, dark where +its top came against the sky, but at its base hardly distinguishable +from the bare earth around, which was charmed by the hour to a warm +purple hue; when Ruan's eyes left the gleam in the sky they could find +out the subdued green of the nearer hedge-row. For the last time, he +told himself; then, as the gleam faded from the sky and was gone, he +swallowed hard upon the knowledge that never again, for him, would the +daylight live behind the clouds. He rubbed his finger up and down the +sheet, that he might still feel a tangible sensation at will; then, +lifting his bare forearm, he looked closely and curiously at it, noting +the way the brown hairs lay across the back, and the finer texture of +skin down the inside of elbow and wrist. He, his living self, was in +that arm--he could still make the fingers contract and straighten, could +still pinch the flesh gently till it whitened--could still call it part +of himself. He was not thirsty, but he laboriously lifted the glass of +water at his side and drank, because the fancy took him to feel one of +the accustomed old sensations, the commonplaces of his every-day life, +now that his body would so soon be beyond his power. As the slow fingers +pushed the glass on to the little table again, the click of a gate +sounded sharply, followed by the noise of footsteps on a paved path. The +smile flickered back to Ruan's lips, and he settled himself to enjoy his +last little comedy. + +Up bare stairs came the footsteps, then the room door opened with a +protest of rusty hinges, and Ruan saw the Parson standing on the +threshold. A woman's face, pale and strained, swam out of the darkness +behind, and to Ruan, materialist though he was, came the thought that +the pale blur looked like the face of someone drowning in a black flood. +He put the idea aside and nodded slightly at the woman. She gave a gasp +of relief, and, pushing by the priest, walked over to the bed. + +"So you've not cheated me, James!" she said. "I made sure to find 'ee +dead when I brought Passon--I thought you'd ha' done it to spite me." + +"Dear woman," answered the Squire gently, "it's for my own pleasure I'm +wedding you, and not to make an honest woman of you. I've a fancy to +have the old place carried on by a child who's got a right to my name, +that's all." + +"An' our first-born, Arch'laus, can go begging all's days, s'pose? An' +t'other lads and Vassie can go starve wi' en?" + +Ruan's face changed, grew darker, and he spoke harshly. + +"They were the children of our passion--true love-children. They remind +me of the days when I was a fool, and I'll leave them only my folly. But +the child that's coming--he'll be blessed by the law and the +Church--quite a gentleman of quality, Annie; far above the likes of you. +He'll live to breed hatred and malice in the pack of ye, and every hand +of his own flesh and blood'll be against him.... Parson, do your duty, +and tie the holy knot--small harm in it now nothing can hold me long." + +The Parson came forward without a word. He was a clever man, whose +knowledge of souls was deep, if not wide, and he refrained from asking +whether repentance urged this tardy compliance with the law of his +religion; such a question could only have provoked a sneer from the old +cynic in the bed. + +Annie groped along the mantelshelf until her fingers met a tallow rush, +which she lit by holding it to the fire, and in the wan flare of yellow +her weary figure showed that she was very near to her confinement. She +turned to the bed and set the candle on the table, meeting the Squire's +quizzical glance with eyes lit only by the tiny reflections of the +candle flame--expressionless eyes, the blue of them faded and the life +dulled. Then she went out of the room, and the stairs creaked beneath +her descending feet; the clamour of her voice came to the two men above +as she called through open doors: + +"Katie! Kat-_ie!_ Passon's here, and you'm to fetch Philip and come up +to wance." + +More feet sounded on the stairs, clattering hobnails among them, and +Annie returned, accompanied by Katie Cotton, the dairymaid, and her +sweetheart, Philip Jacka. Philip was a lithe, restless youth, with curly +hair that caught the light and bright, glinting eyes. He was far +better-looking than his girl, and far more at his ease; sturdy, +high-bosomed Katie was guilty of an occasional sniff of feminine +sympathy; Philip looked on with the aloof superiority of the male. + +The service began, and Annie listened to the words she had longed to +hear for twelve years past, the words that would make her mistress of +Cloom Manor. Morality meant as little to her as to any of the +half-savage folk of the remote West in the middle of the nineteenth +century, when the post of squire's mistress was merely considered less +fortunate than that of squire's wife; but socially Annie was +gaining--for she would become an eligible widow-woman. + +With fumbling hands Ruan slipped his signet-ring on the ugly, work-worn +finger of the woman who was at last his wife. + + * * * * * + +That night Annie gave birth to the latest heir of the house of Ruan, and +in the grey of the dawning, when, with the aid of parson and lawyer, the +Squire had arranged all his temporal affairs in a manner to ensure as +much ill-will as possible in the family he was leaving behind him, he +was gathered to his fathers. + +In the big kitchen, where the mice skittered nervously over the last +night's supper-table, and the tall clock chuckled before it struck each +hour, huddled a group of frightened children. The eldest was angry as +well, for, while the younger boys and the little girl were but dimly +aware that all their world was tumbling about their ears, he, with the +precocious knowledge of the ten-year old country lad, knew more nearly +how the crying babe was ousting him from his previous height. Resentful, +sleepy, fearful, and exiled from the rooms of birth and death they +crouched together and watched the paling sky, their own quarrels +forgotten in their common discomfort; and overhead the cries of the +new-born child pierced the air of the new day. + + + + +CHAPTER I + +HIGH ADVENTURES IN A FARMYARD + + +A bullet-headed little boy of eight sat astride upon a farmyard gate, +whistling and beating time with a hazel-switch. He had fastened his belt +round the gate-post and was using it as a bridle, his bare knees gripped +the wooden bar under him, and his little brass-tipped heels flashed in +the sun like spurs. It was Saturday morning, which meant no lessons with +Parson Boase at the vicarage, and a fine day in late August, which meant +escape from the roof of Cloom and the tongue and hand of its mistress. +Ishmael Ruan, his head stuffed with the myths and histories with which +the Parson was preparing him for St. Renny Grammar School, felt in the +mood for high adventures, and his surroundings were romantic enough to +stir the blood. + +Cloom Manor, a deep-roofed, heavy-mullioned pile of grey granite dating +from the Restoration, presented a long, low front to the moorland, a +front beautified by a pillared porch with the Ruan arms sculptured above +it, and at the back it was built round a square court, from which an +arch, hollowed through the house itself, led into the farmyard. The +windows were low-browed and deep-set, thickly leaded into small squares, +with an occasional pane of bottle glass, which winked like an eye +rounded by amaze. Within, the wide fireplaces and ceilings were enriched +by delicate mouldings, whose once clean-cut outlines were blurred to a +pleasing, uncertain quality by successive coats of whitewash. The room +where Ishmael had been born boasted a domed ceiling, and a band of +moulding half-way up the walls culminated over the bed's head in a +representation of the Crucifixion--the drooping Christ surrounded by a +medley of soldiers and horses, curiously intent dogs and swooning women, +above whose heads the fluttered angels seemed entangled in the host of +pennons flaunting round the cross. Cloom was a house of neglected +glories, of fine things fallen on base uses, like the family itself. +When James Ruan came into his inheritance it was still a gentleman's +estate; when he died it was a mere farm. A distorted habit of mind and +the incredible difficulties of communication in the remote West during +the first half of the nineteenth century had gradually caused James Ruan +to sink his gentlehood in a wilful boorishness that left him a fierce +pride of race and almost feudal powers, but the tastes and habits of his +own labourers. As for the life of his mind, it was concentrated entirely +on money-making; and all that he made he invested, till he became the +most important landowner for miles, and in a district where no farms +were very large his manor lands and cottage property and his nine +hundred pounds or so of income made him a figure not to be ignored. + +Nevertheless, for all his prosperity, he was a hard master, paying his +labourers, who were mostly married men with families, the wage of seven +shillings a week, and employing their womenfolk at hoeing or binding for +sixpence a day, while for fewer pence still the little children stumbled +on uncertain legs after the birds which threatened the new-tilled crops. +By such means--common to all his neighbours at a time when cultivation +was slow and such luxuries as meat, white bread, bedding, and coal were +unknown to the poor, and by a shrewdness peculiar to himself--did James +Ruan manage to make his property contribute to his private income, a +condition of affairs by no means inevitable in farming, although at that +time the hated Corn Law, only repealed soon after Ishmael's birth, had +for thirty years been in force for the benefit of landowners. If the +Squire had known the worth of the old family portraits hanging in what +had been the banqueting hall, where apples were now stored, he would +doubtless have sold them, but he had cut himself off from civilised +beings who might have praised them, and he thought the beruffed, +steel-plated men and high-browed, pearl-decked ladies rather a +dry-looking lot, though he never suffered Annie to say a disparaging +word on the subject. + +Annie deeply resented this silent superiority of the Squire's, this +shutting off from her of certain fine points in his garbled scheme of +honour, and she chose to regard Ishmael as the embodiment of this habit. +Had she been left with unrestricted powers as to estate and money she +might have classed herself with her youngest-born and grown to grudge +her other children their existence, but as things were Ishmael was as +much in her way as he was in that of Archelaus. She realised she had +been tricked at the last to satisfy a whim of the Squire's--she would +have been far better off under the old will, which left Cloom to her +eldest son after her. A dishonoured name was all she had gained by the +transaction--a hollow reward, since to her equals it made little +difference, and to her superiors none at all, and when she remembered at +how much pains the special licence had been obtained from the commissary +of the Bishop of Exeter, how she had sent for the Parson the moment the +Squire had finally declared his mind made up, and then for Lawyer +Tonkin, only to be excluded from the conference that followed, Annie +felt her resentment surge up. If it had not been for the fact that the +Parson and Tonkin had been appointed guardians to the boy, Ishmael +would, in all probability, never have lived beyond babyhood. A little +neglect would soon have ended the matter, and even if any local magnate +had bestirred himself to make a fuss, no Cornish jury would have +convicted. All this Boase knew, and he managed to make Annie aware of +the fact that he meant his ward to thrive or he would make trouble, and +she was one of those women who tremble before a spiritual pastor and +master. Therefore she comforted herself by the reflection that at least +Cloom would always be her home, and a home of which she meant to be +mistress as long as possible. Under his father's will Ishmael came into +the property at eighteen, an additional grievance to Annie, but she told +herself that at least a boy of that age would not be able to turn her +out--he would still be too afraid both of her and of public opinion. The +hardness and the moral elasticity that go to make up a certain phase of +the Cornish character, made up Annie's, and grew to sway her utterly, +save for gusts of ungovernable emotions and an equally ungovernable +temper. The little Ishmael learned to fear, to evade, and to lie, till +he bade fair to become an infant Machiavelli, and at night his sins--the +tremendous sins of childhood--would weigh upon him so that he broke into +a sweat of terror. + +On this August morning he had forgotten his crimes and was burning with +the high adventures of a farmyard. In the blue of the sky fat gold-white +clouds bellied like the sails of enchanted galleons, and the wind +ruffled the cock's bronzed feathers about his scaly legs, blew pearly +partings on the black-furred cat that sunned herself by the wall, and +whirled two gleaming straws, Orthon-wise, about the cobbles. The +triumphant cackling of a hen proclaimed an egg to be as much a miracle +as the other daily one of dawn, and the shrill-voiced crickets kept up a +monotonous and hurried orchestra. A big red cow came across the field +and stood in a line with the gate, her head, with its calm eyes and +gently moving wet nostrils, turned towards Ishmael. She was against the +sun, and at the edges of her the fine outer hairs, gleaming transparent, +made her seem outlined in flame--she was a glorified, a transfigured +cow, a cow for the gods. In a newly-turned field beyond a man and a boy +were planting young broccoli; they worked with the swiftness and +smoothness of a machine, the man making a succession of holes with his +spud as he walked along, the boy dropping in the plants on the instant. +From where Ishmael sat the boy and his basket were hidden behind the +man, and it looked as though wherever that shining spud touched the +earth a green thing sprang up as by magic. Truly, Cloom was a farm in +the grand manner this morning, a farm fit for the slopes of Olympus. +Ishmael flogged his gate and bounced up and down till the latch rattled +in its socket and the wide collar of his little print shirt blew up +under his chin like two cherub wings supporting his glowing face. + +A clatter of hoofs made him look around, and a young man rode down the +lane opposite and into the farmyard. He was a splendid young man, and he +sat the big, bare-backed horse as though he were one with it, his +powerful thighs spreading a little as they gripped its glossy sides. His +fair hair curled closely over his head and clung to his forehead in damp +rings, the sweat standing out all over his face made it shine like +metal, and the soaked shirt clung to the big muscles of his body. His +face changed a little as he caught sight of the child on the gate--such +a faint expression, something between sulkiness and resentment, that it +was obviously the result of instinctive habit and not of any particular +emotion of the moment. As he flung himself off the horse a woman emerged +from the courtyard and called out to Ishmael. + +"Come and tak' th' arse to meadow for your brother, instead of wasten' +the marnen'. Couldn' 'ee be gleanen' in th' arish? You may be gentry, +but you'll go starve if you do naught but twiddle your thumbs for the +day." + +"Lave en be, lave en be, mother," said Archelaus Beggoe impatiently. +"Women's clacken' never mended matters nawthen. It'll be a good day, +sure 'nough, when he goes to school to St. Renny, if it gives we a +little peace about the place. Do 'ee hold tha tongue, and give I a glass +o' cider, for I'm fair sweaten' leaken'." + +Mother and son passed through the archway into the courtyard, and +Ishmael, who had been silently buckling on his belt, took hold of the +rope head-stall and led the horse towards the pasture. As he went his +childish mind indulged in a sort of gambling with fate. + +"I wonder if my right foot or my left will step into the lane first. If +it's my right I'll have it to mean that I shall be saved...." Here he +paused for a moment, aghast; it was such a tremendous risk to take, such +a staking of his soul. He went forward, measuring the distance with his +eye, and trying to calculate which foot would take that fateful step +from the cobbles on to the lane. He was there, and for one awful moment +it seemed as though it would be his left, but an extra long stride just +met the case. + +"It didn't come quite natural that way," he thought, anxiously, "but +p'raps it means I'll be saved by something I do myself. I wish I could +be quite sure. Shall I have it that if I see a crow in the field I shall +be saved?" + +The reflection that for a dozen times on entering the pasture he saw no +crow for once that he did made him change to, "Suppose I say if I don't +see a crow I shall be saved?" But that too had its drawback, as if, +after laying a wager in which the odds were so tremendously in his +favour, he did see a crow, there would then be no smoothing away the +fact, as often before, with "Perhaps that doesn't count"--it would be +too obviously a sign from Heaven. He finally changed the wager to, "If I +see birds in the field I'll see Phoebe to-day:" to such considerations +does a man turn after contemplation of his soul. On seeing a couple of +magpies, the white and black of their plumage showing silver and +iridescent green in the sun as they swooped over the field, he took +steps to justify the omen by setting off across the moors in quest of +Phoebe. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +THE MILL + + +As Ishmael went along he picked a large bunch of the wayside flowers as +an offering to Phoebe--purple knapweed and betony, the plumy dead-pink +heads of hemp-agrimony, and tufts of strong yellow fleabane, all +squeezed together in his hot little hand. The air seemed alive with +butterflies and moths, white and brown and red, and clouds of the "blue +skippers" that look like periwinkles blown to life. A bee shot past him +so quickly that the thrum of it sounded short as a twanged string, and +the next moment a late foxglove spire, naked save for its topmost bell, +quivered beneath the onslaught of the arched brown and yellow body. The +heat haze shimmered on the distant horizon like an insect's wing, but +was tempered on the moorland height by the capricious wind, and Ishmael +kept doggedly on. + +He was a wiry little boy, thin and brown, with dark hair that grew in a +point on the nape of his neck, and hazel eyes set rather deeply under +straight, sulky-looking brows. The lower part of his face was small and +pointed for the breadth across forehead and cheek bones, and, with his +outstanding ears, combined to give him something the look of a piskie's +changeling. Already the first innocence of childhood was wearing away, +and the deliberate cleanliness of mind achieved, if at all, in the +malleable years between fifteen and twenty was as yet far ahead. +Nevertheless, Parson Boase was not wrong in scenting the idealist in +Ishmael, and he wondered how far the determined but excitable child, +with the nervous strain of his race and all the little bluntnesses of a +boy ungently reared, might prove the prey of circumstance; or whether, +after all, he might not so build up resisting power as to make a fair +thing of his life. A no more distant future than the next hour held +Ishmael's mind at the moment, and attracted by a strong smell of +peppermint from the marsh, the child turned that way, to add the pale +purple blossoms to his fast-wilting bunch. + +A man in a black cassock, looped up for convenience in walking by a +shabby cincture, was wandering among the brambles and gorse bushes, +peering short-sightedly here and there, and as Ishmael appeared the +man's hand closed suddenly over some object on a leaf. Ishmael had +hardly recognised the Parson before he himself was seen. + +"Come and look at what I've got here," shouted Boase, straightening his +long back and holding his curved-out hands aloft. Ishmael ran towards +him, the tussocks, dry from long drought, swaying and sagging beneath +him. As he drew near he caught a whirring sound, so strong as to seem +metallic, and saw a big green and yellow dragon-fly fighting in the +Parson's hands. Boase took hold of it carefully but firmly by the wings, +and the creature stared angrily at Ishmael with its huge glassy green +eyes, opening its oddly-fleshy mouth and wagging its fawn-coloured lips +like an evil infant cockatrice. + +Suddenly the Parson launched it in the air again, raising two fingers in +whimsical blessing, then he looked down at Ishmael with a queer +expression in his eyes. That was Ishmael's fate, of which he was as yet +unconscious--no one looked at him absolutely naturally. His mother saw +him with aversion, Archelaus with resentment, and the younger brothers +and the little sister took their cue from their elders. The neighbouring +gentry treated him with an embarrassed kindness when they met him with +Parson Boase, and solved the problem by leaving him alone on other +occasions; the farmers looked at him as though he embodied a huge joke, +and their wives mothered him surreptitiously, giving him saffron-cake, +which he loved, and quick, hard kisses, which he detested. Even Boase +looked at him not only as a child whom he loved, but as the incarnation +of a hope, a theory--in short, as an Experiment. Nevertheless, it was +the Parson to whom Ishmael came with his pleasures, and for all the +intuition which told him the child went to no one in his griefs Boase +had not quite enough of the feminine in him to realise the importance of +the omission. + +"Where are you off to, my son?" asked Boase, sticking his hand in the +pocket of his shabby old cassock. He knew better than to pat a boy's +head or thump him between the shoulder-blades with the hearty manner +peculiar to men who have forgotten their own boyhood. + +"Oh, I'm just gwain to see if the mill-wheel's workin' down along," said +Ishmael--not for worlds would he have admitted Phoebe Lenine as the +object of his visit. The Parson's eyes twinkled as they rested on the +bouquet. + +"Going, not 'gwain,'" he corrected gently. + +"Going," repeated Ishmael, with his deceptive docility in little things. + +"I'll come to the mill with you," said the Parson briskly, and Ishmael +set off by his side without a word, but presently lagged behind a moment +to drop his carefully-prepared offering between two gorse-bushes. Boase +smiled, then sighed, wondering where such an abnormal dread of ridicule +as Ishmael's would lead; it was a result of the Parson's calling that he +should feel anxiety as to the ultimate trend of things. + +The two trudged on in silence; their friendship was so tried, and the +understanding between them so complete, that they sometimes spent an +hour or more together with hardly a remark. Finally Ishmael broke +silence. + +"You coming to Cry the Neck this evening, Da Boase?" he asked. + +"I'm going to look in before supper," replied the Parson; and +unconsciously his lips took on a sterner line. He was building much on +that evening's "Crying the Neck," which for the first time Ishmael was +to attend, and at the succeeding supper Boase meant him to take his +place at the head of the table, as future master of Cloom. "Crying the +Neck" was a moribund custom in the eighteen-fifties, and it was the +Parson, with an eye to its possibilities, who had encouraged what proved +to be its last revival. + +"Mr. Lenine's coming," remarked Ishmael presently. + +"Ah! Is he coming alone?" asked Boase carelessly. + +"Happen he will, or maybe they'll all come, but Mrs. Lenine always says +she must stay in of an evening when others are trapesing," replied +Ishmael, with equal carelessness. For they were Cornishmen, these two, +and the Parson would no more have asked outright "Is Phoebe coming?" +than Ishmael would have given a direct answer. + +Lenine's mill, known as Vellan-Clowse, which means "The Mill by the +Wood," nestled in a valley below the Cloon moor where the leet ran along +built-up banks to the dam and then down a succession of wooden troughs +to the crest of the wheel. Facing the mill was the great cluster of elms +that headed the valley, and behind only a tiny little yard divided it +from the steepness of the hillside. The trees were the biggest for miles +in that wind-swept district, and the bed of the valley showed green and +lush with its marshy pastures, where the ugly red and white cows were +tearing at the grass. The wheel was standing dumb, as harvest was not +yet garnered, and Boase and Ishmael passed the mill door and went on to +the house. There the door stood open, as did the further one at the end +of the cool, straight passage that looked dark by contrast with the yard +beyond, where, under the blazing sun, a little girl was feeding some +fowls. The whole scene, set in the black oblong of the doorway, was +compact of blue and flame colour--the blue of the frock and the shadows +and the pale flame of the gravel where the shadows lay and the deeper +flame fowls clustered. The man and the boy looked through for a moment +in silence, then Phoebe turned and saw them. + +Phoebe Lenine, being a woman of some eight years old, shook the +remains of the corn off her small blue lap with no signs of haste or +discomposure, and, turning her back, called to a hidden corner of the +yard. + +"Faether! Faether! Passon's come to see you!" + +"How d'you know I haven't called to see you, Miss Phoebe?" asked +Boase, stepping into the passage. She ran and seized him by the knees, +flinging back her head so that her dark curls hung away from her +softly-rounded face. Her pouting mouth, always slightly open to show a +hint of two little front teeth, laughed up at him, her dove's eyes +narrowed with her mirth. Of Ishmael she took no more notice than if he +had not been there, and he leant against the doorpost, scraping the +earth with the toe of his hard little boot, his thumbs stuck in his +belt. + +"I be gwain to help cry the Neck over to Cloom!" announced Phoebe--to +the Parson and at Ishmael--"and I be gwain to stay to th' supper, and +maybe I'll dance wi' a chap. There's Maister Jacka's John-Willy would be +proud to dance wi' I!" + +"So you're fond of dancing, Phoebe?" asked the Parson. + +"Sure 'nough! Dancen' and singen'--that's life, that is. Ef you can't +dance and sing I don't see no good in liven'! I don't hold wi' chaps who +think of nawthen but wanten' to be saved. Time 'nough for that when +gettin' on for thirty!" + +Ishmael winced at the hit, and the Parson laughed as he tied two of +Phoebe's ringlets into a bow under her chin. + +"There are ways and ways of remembering the Creator in the days of your +youth, Phoebe," he said, "and one of them's by dancing and singing--if +it's with the right kind of chap. I don't think much of Jacka's +John-Willy; if you really want to be a great lady to-night you must get +Ishmael to dance with you. He's going to be master of the feast, and +perhaps if you ask him very nicely he'll dance with you just once." + +This view of Ishmael as a person of importance was a new one to +Phoebe, and she looked at him as though appraising him afresh. + +"I don't ask no chaps to dance wi' I," she announced loftily. "Faether's +just comen' to see you, Da Boase." + +She wriggled her sleek little otter-like head under his arm and slipped +past him as she spoke. Then: + +"Like to see the pigs?" she asked Ishmael carelessly. "Da ringed 'en the +marnen'." + +"Don't mind if I do," answered Ishmael, still scraping the gravel. + +"Naden't come ef 'ee don't want to more'n thet!" retorted Phoebe, "and +I could have shown 'ee where the old pig was killed. There's been a dark +place on the stones ever since. I saw it killed, I did, Ishmael Ruan. I +saw Da stick in the knife and the blood come all out, I ded!" + +"So 'a ded, my 'andsome, so 'a ded!" applauded the miller, whose big +form, powdery white, had appeared in the passage. + +The Parson felt decidedly sick. He was country-born himself, and, being +no mere dreamer of dreams, realised that it was as well that country +people should not flinch at the less poetic side of their lives, but +this callousness struck him as horrible in a young child like Phoebe. +Yet as he saw Ishmael wince he regretted the very sensibility in the +boy, the lack of which had shocked him in Phoebe. He knew Ishmael had +a horror of blood and disagreeable sights, and the thought of how often +the boy would have to encounter them struck at his heart. + +"I won't see it," said Ishmael, pressing himself back against the house +wall; "I won't see where no pig was killed." Then, afraid lest Phoebe +should taunt him with his fear: "But I'll come and see the pigs, though +I don't s'pose they're as fine as ours. They were ringed yesterday was a +week, and even the piggy-widden's bigger than most pigs." + +"Ours is bigger, ours is bigger!" cried Phoebe indignantly, "and you'm +nawthen but a geat coward, Ishmael Ruan. I don't want _my_ pigs to set +eyes on 'ee!" + +She sauntered away across the yard, but turned her head as she reached +the far end, and glanced back at Ishmael. He hesitated, pride fighting +with longing; then he also began to saunter--aimlessly at first; then, +giving up the struggle, he frankly followed her. Lenine chuckled softly. + +"Talk o' the way o' a man wi' a maid--'tes nawthen to the way o' a maid +wi' a man, is it, Passon? She'll be one for the chaps, she will!" + +Boase assented, laughing, then his eyes saddened, as he watched the two +little figures, side by side now, disappear round the corner of the +pig-styes. It suddenly struck him as rather horrible that anything so +innocent as Ishmael still was should develop into a man, even a healthy, +clean-living man; such a pity that the instinct that was the cause of +charming play with Phoebe should ever become desire. It was a feeling +that a mother might have had, and Boase smiled at it even as he gave a +sigh to the pity of inexorable things. + +"So you're bringing Phoebe over to Cry the Neck, Sam?" he asked +casually. Sam Lenine nodded. + +"Gwain be there, Passon?" + +"Maybe. Fact is, Sam, I thought it would be a good opportunity to sit +that boy at the head of the table--" + +Lenine nodded again, but waited in silence. + +"You're an influential man," continued Boase, "and the way you speak of +him and treat things generally would rather give the lead to the people +round here." + +For the third time the miller nodded, then started a little as he caught +sight of Ishmael and Phoebe reappearing from the pig-stye, and his +eyes lightened suddenly. He dropped his thickly-veined lids to hide +them. + +"Happen I can do a little, Passon," he said; "I'll think on et." + +"Do," said Boase heartily. Then he too started slightly and looked at +the miller a little suspiciously, and, though he said nothing, his face +darkened. Already the cords of intrigue were beginning to close round +Ishmael Ruan, and the Parson longed to break them with one clean stroke, +even while he realised the futility of the wish. He called rather +sharply to the children. + +"Ishmael! You must come back with me now; there are things I want you to +do at the vicarage. Come." + +Ishmael recognised the tone of authority. He was an obedient child +simply because he was so proud he would not fight a losing battle. +Sooner than be conquered he obeyed as though he were doing the thing +commanded merely because he himself wished to, and for the same reason +if he could forestall a command by his own action he did. He came to the +Parson's side. + +"Must be going, Phoebe," he remarked carelessly; "I've a heap of +things to do for to-night, you see. Morning, Mr. Lenine!" + +And he set off again, with his thumbs in his belt. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE KITCHEN + + +Annie Ruan and three of the children were assembled in the great kitchen +preparing for the supper party that was to be held after the Neck had +been cried. The world without was still steeped in the golden light of +full afternoon, but the small windows only looked on to the courtyard +and let little of the gleam into the low-ceiled room; dimness veiled the +corners, and through it each plate on the old dresser held a faintly +glimmering crescent of light. On a sheet of iron laid upon the open +hearth the last loaves of barley-bread were baking under a crock, and +Vassilissa Beggoe was preserving the leaven for next week's breadmaking +by the simple process of placing it in a saucer of water, where it would +mildew in peace. + +Vassilissa was the youngest of the four Beggoes,--only three years older +than Ishmael. She was the most like Archelaus in face, and showed +promise of a sleek, white and gold beauty to come; at present, being far +too tall for her age, she seemed unable to manage her long legs and +arms, but her movements had the graceful ungainliness of a young animal. +She was muffled in a dirty print pinafore, and above its faded blue her +neck looked a delicate privet-white, and would have looked whiter still +had it been cleaner. In the dusk her little pale head, the shape of it +clearly defined by the way in which she wore her hair sticking stiffly +out from her nape in two tiny plaits, took on a quality suggestive of a +frescoed angel--a delicately-modelled, faintly-shadowed quality that she +might miss in a stronger light. Putting the saucer of leaven on the +untidy dresser, she spoke over her shoulder to her mother. + +"I be gwain to give myself a rub over and put on my Sunday gown. I be +gwain now." + +Annie paused in the act of washing a plate, and let the film of dirty +water run off it into the pan again. Then she drew a deep breath, as +though the greasy-smelling steam that wavered up towards her nostrils +were the sweetest of incense. Vassilissa, who was accustomed to this +silent gathering of the forces before her mother broke into specially +impassioned speech, began calmly to untie her pinafore. + +"That's right!" cried Annie, with sudden vigour; "go off and make +yourself fine, and lave me to wash all the cloam that's been standen' up +in grease these three days. Vanities o' the flesh are all you think +on, 'stead of helpen' your mother as has done everything for 'ee since +you was naught but a young babe, and that scrawlen' come night there was +no gettin' any sleep. You might not be a maid toall for the help I get +of 'ee." + +"I'll help wi' the cloam," said a big, heavily-made boy who was seated +at one end of the table, eating a pasty. He crammed the last pale, +stodgy morsel into his mouth and pushed back his chair, saying: + +"I'll do the cloam for 'ee, mother. Lave the maiden be." + +John-James was a good-natured, thick-headed boy, the third in the +family, and the one of her children who seemed to have inherited Annie's +peasant blood undiluted. He supplied the restful element in a house +where the eldest-born was hot-tempered and revengeful and the second son +more like a girl-child for sharpness and a woman grown for scheming. Tom +had already made up his mind to be Mr. Tonkin's office boy, and from +that he meant to become articled clerk, and from that--who could tell? +Tom remained quiet on the subject of his ultimate intentions, but he was +fighting his mother's apathy and natural habit of opposition to attain +the first step in his career. Mr. Tonkin, who, as Ishmael's guardian, +visited fairly frequently at the Manor, was expected to the supper that +night, and Tom meant matters to come to a head. He had noticed what an +influence the Methodist lawyer had over his mother and meant to use it +for his own ends. Annie had a secret fear of Tom; Archelaus she adored, +and Vassilissa came only second; but John-James she held of small +account. She turned on him now even while she gave the dish into his +hands. + +"There you go, John-James Beggoe, talken' as though I grudged my own +cheild maken' herself 'ansome. Vassie, my worm, you may have that bit o' +blue ribbon I bought last Corpus Fair--'tes in the chest." + +Vassie was off before her mother had time to change her mind, and +John-James began slowly to rinse the china through the darkened water, +on whose surface the grease lay in a shimmering arabesque. Annie went +round the kitchen rasping the chairs over the stone floor and making +futile dabs at their seats with her apron. She had that curious +uncertainty of aim usually seen in dogs, who never seem to be sure of +touching the object at which they paw. + +The head and shoulders of Archelaus, furze-laden, passed the window, +apparently floating through the luminous warmth of afternoon that filled +the courtyard as through the depths of the sea. The illusion was +shattered when he kicked the door open and, striding in, flung his +burden on to the dying fire. The sudden glow that leapt up revealed Tom +ensconced in the settle, cleaning his boots with a pat of butter stolen +from the dairy. He continued his occupation quite unmoved by the +fulminations of his mother, bending his ruddy head over the boots. Tom +was the "red-headed Dane" who crops up generation after generation in +some Cornish families. + +"Hold your tongue, mother," he said at last, holding one boot at arm's +length and cocking his head sideways the better to admire the effect of +the buttering; "I'm going to look decent to-night if no one else is. And +so I don't mind a-tellen' 'ee--" with a sudden slip into the dialect +that he studiously trained himself to avoid. Any lapse of the kind meant +that Tom was not in a mood to be trifled with, and Annie turned suddenly +to Archelaus. + +"Where's the cheild?" she asked. + +"I set'n to gather bullock's glows for th' fire--we shall want more'n +furze for to-night," replied Archelaus. "Give I a light to take +overstairs; 'tes time I was cleanen' of myself. I'm gwain to run with +the Neck to-night." + +Annie went obediently to a cupboard and took out a little cup of oil in +which a wick lay, the tongue of it drooping over the cup's rim. She lit +it with a twig from the fire and stood looking at Archelaus for a moment +with the cup in her hand. The footlight effect softened her +prominently-boned face and struck some of the over-strong colour from +her cheeks--she showed a faint hint of the prettiness that had attracted +the old Squire. + +"An' who is it you'm thinken' will be at the door for 'ee to kiss when +you get in wi' the Neck?" she asked grimly. + +Archelaus shuffled from one big foot to the other. + +"Jenifer Keast, maybe?" pursued his mother. + +"Happen Jenifer, happen another. A maid's a maid," mumbled the +disconcerted Archelaus. + +Tom put his boots on the settle and stood up. + +"It makes me sick to hear you, Archelaus," he declared slowly, but with +extraordinary venom for a boy of fifteen; "Jenifer Keast! Have you no +sense of who you are that you should think of Jenifer Keast?" + +"She'm a fitty maid," muttered Archelaus. + +"A fitty maid! Listen to the great bufflehead! She's fitty enough but +with nothing to her but the clothes on her back. You've no call to be +leading a maid toall yet. S'pose you was ever master of Cloom, what +would you be wanting with Jenifer Keast?" + +"Master o' Cloom! That's plum foolishness. We all d'knaw I'd be master +o' Cloom if right were right, but there's the law siden' wi' the cheild; +devil run off wi' en!" + +"If the devil don't somebody else might," said Tom, "and then Cloom'd be +mother's and ours. Eh, I wish I was the eldest; I'm the only one with a +headpiece on me." + +"Th' cheild's healthy enough," grumbled Archelaus. + +"My children are all healthy; I never buried but the one between Tom and +John-James and the one as never drew breath," interrupted Annie, "and if +the cheild is set up by the law he's your own flesh and blood. He would +have been as fine a cheild as any of 'ee if he'd kept his place." + +"I'm not saying nothing against the brat," cried Tom in exasperated +tones; "anyone'd think I wanted'n to die by the way you go on at me. I +don't--it don't matter to me, for I'm going to be a lawyer like Mr. +Tonkin to Penzance, but Archelaus'll be a fool if he don't look higher +than Jenifer Keast." + +"I'm not looken' to lead no maid," cried the badgered Archelaus, +snatching the light. "Do 'ee grudge a chap a kiss or two? What's the harm +in kissen'? You knew all about it when you was young, mother; you're a +nice one to talk to a chap, you are!" + +With which unfilial gibe he disappeared. + +Annie was one of those women who like a buffet, verbal or physical, from +a man, whether he be husband, brother, or son. She looked after +Archelaus with pride. + +"He be rare and like his da when he's got the uglies," she said; "he'll +look fine at the head o' the table to-night, will Arch'laus." + +"Parson Boase'll put Ishmael at the head of the table," announced Tom +carelessly, with a sly glance at his mother. Annie whipped round at him +in blank surprise, while even John-James paused in his washing-up and +stood gaping over a dish. + +"Gwain to put my own cheild auver my head and the head of my first-born, +is 'ee?" cried Annie. "Eh, that passon! Sim'me he's lacken' his senses! +Sim'me that when the law lets a man like that come shoven' and meddlen' +in a woman's house that the law's lacken' its senses too!" + +"Don't fret about the law," advised Tom; "I've heard tell the law can be +turned any way a clever chap has a mind. I'll see what I can do with it +when I'm to Mr. Tonkin, and then perhaps we'll all snap our fingers at +Parson Boase." + +"Tom do talk a wunnerful passel o' nonsense," remarked John-James +placidly as his brother picked up his boots and went out. But Tom was of +the truly great who can always contain themselves when there is nothing +to be gained by an explosion, and he disappeared without answering. + +Annie and John-James proceeded to put the finishing touches to the +kitchen--John-James doing all the real good that was done, and Annie +setting things backwards and forwards in her strange aimless way. +Upstairs Vassie was tying her hair--brushed out now into a short, +crimped fluff that made her look more like an angel than ever--with the +blue ribbon; while Archelaus and Tom greased their locks with the +remains of Tom's stolen butter. Soon Annie and John-James also went +upstairs to prepare themselves for the feast, and the kitchen grew +slowly dark. + +Ishmael staggered across the last field with his bucket of fuel, his +lean little arms aching under its weight, but his mind singing the +triumphant refrain: + +"The evening's coming, and I'm going to cry the Neck! I'm going to cry +the Neck!" + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +PAGAN PASTORAL + + +The last of the corn had been reaped in Cloom fields and all was ready +for the ceremony of "Crying the Neck." The labourers, their womenfolk +and children, had gathered together, and Annie, with a select party of +friends, took her place in the forefront of the crowd. A very old +labourer who bore the splendid name of Melchisedec Baragwaneth, went +from sheaf to sheaf, picking out a handful of the most heavily-bearded +ears, which, though they are apt to grind the worst, still make the +bravest show. He was stiff with his great age and the cruel rheumatism +that is the doom of the field-worker; and against the brass and leather +of his boots the stubble whispered loudly. Overhead the rooks and gulls +gave short, harsh cries as they circled around hoping for stray grains; +but the thousand little lives which had thriven in the corn--the field +mice and frogs and toads--had been stilled by the sickles; some few had +escaped to the shelter of the hedges, but most were sacrifices to the +harvest. + +Melchisedec Baragwaneth intertwined with his wheat ears some splendid +stalks of ragwort and chamomile, like a cluster of yellow and white +stars, and twisted tendrils of bindweed, with frail, trumpet-shaped +blossoms already drooping, around the completed bunch. His thick old +fingers fumbled over the niceties of the task, but he pushed the women's +officious hands aside, and by the aid of his toothless but bone-hard +gums pulled the knot to successfully, and the bunch became the "Neck." +Then he set off, followed by the rest of the folk, to the highest field +under grass, cresting the slope behind Cloom, the field that had been +ploughed earth when the old Squire's dying eyes looked on it from his +bedroom window. + +The last of the day still held the world, and from the western rim the +sunset beat up on to one vast level stretch of cloud that nearly covered +the sky, drenching it with rose-coloured light which refracted to the +earth, steeping everything in one warm glow. The stubble stood up like +thin straight flames from a soil that showed wine-coloured, and the +green of leaf and pasture was turned by the warmth of the light to that +tender but brilliantly vivid emerald to which it wakes in the gleam of a +lantern at night. All colour was intensified, though all was suffused +with the triumphant rose, which steeped sky and air and earth till they +seemed infused with some impalpable wine; and the procession moved +through an atmosphere full of refractions and bright edges afloat in the +tender glow. + +Melchisedec Baragwaneth took his stand in the middle of the field beside +the tall monolith, and his followers made a huge circle about him. +Jacka's John-Willy staggered round with a firkin of cider, and each man +set his hands about its body and took a long drink. Then Melchisedec +Baragwaneth bent slowly down, holding the Neck towards the ground, and +all the labourers bowed low over their billhooks. Still more slowly the +old man straightened himself, raising his arms till he held the bunch of +corn high above his head, like some sylvan priest elevating the Host. +The billhooks, which a moment before had lain like shining crescents on +the grass, went flashing up into blackness against the glow of the sky, +and from each man came a great shout: + +_"A nack! A nack! A nack! We hav'en! We hav'en! We hav'en!"_ + +Three times the rite was performed, and the rose-light, that so soon +dies, had faded away, though no one could have told the actual moment of +its passing. A vibrant dusk, that to eyes still glamour-ridden seemed +full of millions of little, pricking points of light, permeated the +world, and in their harmonious-coloured clothes the people mingled with +the soft grey-green of the pasture, only their faces and hands gleamed +out a few tones paler. + +With the fall of the billhooks fell solemnity, and men, women and +children ran wildly hither and thither, shouting, singing, and breaking +out into rough dances. + +A new and blissful excitement tingled through Ishmael. When the +labourers had shouted he had dropped Phoebe's hand and shouted with +them, flinging up his arms. The glamorous light, the sense of something +primitive and vital that the ceremony expressed, and the stir at the +pulses caused by the sight of many people moved to do the same thing at +the same moment, went to his head. He ran about singing and leaping like +the rest, but keeping a little away from them, and quite suddenly there +came to him for the first time that consciousness of pleasure which +marks man's enjoyment off from the animal's. Hitherto, in his moments of +happiness, he had not paused to consider the matter, but merely been +happy as a puppy is when it plays in the sun. Now, suddenly, he stopped +still, and stood looking at the distant blackthorn hedge that made a +dark network against the last gleam in the west. + +"I am happy? I am _being happy_!" he said to himself, and he turned this +consciousness over in his mind as he would have turned a sweet in his +mouth. Ever afterwards the memory of that moment's realisation was +connected for him with a twisted line of hedge and a background of pale +greenish sky. He stared at the distorted hedgerow that stood out so +clearly, and to him this moment was so vividly the present that he did +not see how it could ever leave off.... "This is now ..." he thought; +"how can it stop being now?" And the shouting and the still air and the +definite look of that hedge all seemed, with himself as he was and felt +at that moment, to be at the outermost edge of time, suspended there for +ever by that extreme vividness.... + +And then Phoebe ran up to him and dragged him off to where Sam Lenine +stood examining some of the ears he had picked on his way past the +sheaves. The miller took the toll of one twelfth of the farmer's grist, +so Sam studied the ears with care. Owing to the drought the corn was +very short in the straw, but that was not Sam's part of the business, +and he nodded his head approvingly over the quality of the ear. + +Suddenly Archelaus sprang forward, snatched the Neck from Melchisedec +Baragwaneth, and made for the house, everyone crowding after him to see +the fun. At the front door stood the dairymaid, Jenifer Keast, holding a +pail of water in her strong arms, ready to souse him unless he succeeded +in entering by another way before she could reach him with the water, +when he could claim a kiss. Archelaus made a dash for the parlour +window, but the bucket swept round at him threateningly and he drew back +a moment, as though to consider a plan of campaign. He was determined to +have his kiss, for through the soft dusk that veiled any coarseness of +skin or form, and only showed the darkness of eyes and mouth on the warm +pallor of her face, she looked so eminently kissable. Before she could +guess his intention he ran round the angle of the house wall, down to +the dairy window, and, plunging through it, came up the passage at her +back. Seizing her by the waist, he swung her round and took his kiss +fairly from her mouth, and, though she struggled so that the water +drenched him, he felt her lips laughing as they formed a kiss. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +HEAD OF THE HOUSE + + +For years Ishmael was unable to remember that evening without a tingling +sense of shame. The unwonted excitement, combined with the prominence +which the Parson successfully achieved for him, went to his head and +caused him to "show off." The thought of how he had chattered and +boasted, talking very loudly and clumping with his feet when he walked, +so as to sound and feel like a grown-up man, would turn him hot for +years, when, in the watches of the night, it flashed back on him. Long +after everyone else had forgotten, even if they had ever noticed it, his +lack of self-control on that evening was a memory of shame to him. He +clattered across to his place at the head of the table, and was +mortified that a couple of big old calf-bound books had to be placed on +his chair to make him sit high enough. Phoebe and the Parson were at +either side, and the foot of the table was taken by Annie, Archelaus, +defiant and monosyllabic, on her left, and Lawyer Tonkin, glossy with +black broadcloth, on her right. The lawyer had a haunting air as of +cousinship to things ecclesiastical, and, indeed, he was lay-preacher at +a Penzance chapel. Tom, who had taken care to set himself on his other +hand, kept a careful eye for his plate and glass, being particularly +liberal with the cider. The lawyer spoke little; when he did his voice +was rich and unctuous--the sort of voice that Ishmael always described +to himself as "porky." He was as attentive to Mrs. Ruan's wants as Tom +to his, and she, never a great talker save in her outbursts, still kept +up a spasmodic flow of low-toned remarks to him, whom of all men she +held in highest veneration. + +His spiritual powers she rated far higher than those of the Parson, who +never fulminated from the pulpit till she felt the fear of hell melting +her bones within her. This the lawyer did, and managed at the same time +to make her feel herself a good woman, one of the saved, and the +piquancy of the double sensation was the hidden drug of Annie's life. +She dallied with thoughts of eternal suffering as a Flagellant with +imagings of torture, and when her mind was reeling at the very edge of +the pit she would pull herself back with a loud outcry on the Almighty, +followed by a collapse as sensuous in its utter laxity. + +Annie would have been shocked if anyone had tried to force on her the +idea, that, in the unacknowledged warfare which enwrapped Ishmael, +Tonkin was on her side as against the child; but even she was dimly +aware that he and Boase, joint guardians as they were, stood in opposite +camps. But it was towards her, the respectable widow-woman, the owner, +but for Ishmael, of the biggest estate in all Penwith, that Tonkin's +current of consideration flowed, whereas hers, after her religion, was +perpetually set about Archelaus. He, the beautiful young man with the +round red neck and the white arms and the strong six feet of height, +whom she had made and given to the world, to him she would have given +the world and all the heavens had it been in her power. And, as things +were, she could not even give him Cloom Manor and its fruitful acres. Of +this impotency Archelaus was even more aware than usual as he sat beside +her and glowered down the table at his little brother. + +Ishmael was still showing off, though less noisily, for he was feeling +very tired and sleepy; the unaccustomed cider and the heavy meal of +roast mutton, in a house where there was rarely any meat except +occasional rashers, were proving too potent for him. The room was +intensely hot, the prevailing notion of comfort being to shut every +window at night, and a large fire, before which the side of mutton had +been gravely twirling for hours, was only now beginning to subside. The +candles guttered and grew soft in the warmth, beads of moisture stood +out on the faces of the company, and the smell of incompletely-washed +bodies reminded the Parson of hot afternoons with his Sunday school. + +Phoebe found Ishmael dull since his volubility had begun to desert +him, and turning a disdainful shoulder, she tried to draw Jacka's +John-Willy into conversation--a difficult matter, since, though he had +been placed there instead of in the barn for Phoebe's benefit, he felt +the watchful eye of his mother, who was waiting at table, too frequently +upon him for his comfort. + +Katie Jacka, her colour more set than it had been when she witnessed +that marriage eight years ago, was as emotional as ever, her facile +feelings only restrained at all by her husband's rigid taciturnity, even +as her high bosom was kept up by the stiffest of "temberan busks"--a +piece of wood which, like all self-respecting Cornishwomen, she wore +thrust inside the front of her stays. Philip Jacka, who was now headman +at the farm, presided at the labourer's supper in the big barn, whither +everyone would presently repair, including Ishmael, if he were not too +sleepy. The Parson divided his attention between him and Mr. Lenine, who +was expanding to greater and greater geniality, always with that +something veiled behind his eyes. He encouraged Ishmael, trying to draw +him out when the Parson, seeing the child was, in nursery parlance, "a +bit above himself," would have kept him quiet. + +"Well, young maister"--at the phrase in the miller's booming voice ears +seemed visibly to prick down the length of the table--"well, and how do +'ee like helpen' to Cry the Neck?" + +"Fine, that I do," came Ishmael's shrill tones; "an' I'm gwain to have +en cried every year, and I'll give ever so much bigger suppers, with +beef and pasties and beer as well as cider, and saffern cakes and--"; +here his tongue failed at the list in his excitement. + +Annie had gone a dull crimson, and she drew the whistling breath that +with her was the precursor of storm. Help for her outraged feelings and +a snub for the young master came from a quarter which surprised them +both. + +"It is not you who give the supper, Ishmael," spoke the Parson quietly; +"it is your mother. And unless you show you know how to behave she will +never let you sit up again." + +Annie expelled the breath unaccompanied by any flow of words. Archelaus +sniggered, and Ishmael sat in that terrible embarrassment that only +children know, when the whole world turns black and shame is so intense +that it seems impossible to keep on with life at all. His face was one +burning flush, his eyes stung with tears he was too proud to let fall. +All his wonderful day had fallen about his ears, and it seemed to him +that such a mortification, added to his own shamed sense of having +disappointed Da Boase, would burden him so that he could never be happy +again. And only a couple of hours earlier he had realised for the first +time how splendid somehow life and everything in it was, himself +included ... and now all was over. He sat staring at the congealed +remains of a pasty on his plate. He did not see how it was possible to +go on living. + +Suddenly a soft, very small hand slid into his lap under cover of the +table's corner, and Phoebe's fingers curled round his as she +whispered: "Don't 'ee mind, Ishmael. Don't cry. Tell 'ee what, I'll +dance weth 'ee, so I will." + +"I'm not cryen'." Ishmael's accent was always most marked when he was +struggling with emotion. "I'm not cryen' toall. But I don't mind if I do +dance a bit weth 'ee if you want me to." + +A grinding of chair legs over the flags proclaimed the end of the feast, +and the Parson, who, rather to Ishmael's resentment, was smiling as +though nothing had been the matter, caught hold of him with one hand and +of Phoebe with the other and led the way to the barn. + +Out-of-doors the air struck exquisitely cool and fresh to heated faces; +the courtyard was lapped in shadow, but once through and in the farmyard +the moon was visible, still near the horizon and swimming up inflated, +globulous, like a vast aureate bubble. Save for that one glow everything +looked as chill as underseas; the whitewashed walls of the out-buildings +glimmered faintly, the heaped corn had paled to a greyish silver, the +shadows were blue as quiet pools. The whole world seemed to have been +washed clean by the moonlight. + +The sense of calm only lasted as far as the door of the barn--not as far +to the ear, for the sounds of merry-making came gustily out before the +opening of the door showed an oblong of glowing orange that sent a shaft +into the night, to fade into the darkness that it deepened. It was not +quite as hot in the barn as it had been in the kitchen, for the building +was much loftier and boasted no fire. Lanterns swung from the beams, +throwing upwards bars of shadow that criss-crossed with the rafters and +trembled slightly as the flames flickered, so that the whole roof seemed +spun over by some gigantic spider's web, while the shadow-patterns +thrown by the lanterns on to the floor below looked like great spiders +dropped from the meshes. In this impalpable tangle sat the men and +women--tenants of cottages, labourers, farm servants and their children, +all who had been helping with the harvest. Jenifer Keast was there, +flushed now instead of with that mysterious pallor of the dusk, and to +her Archelaus made his way with a sort of bashful openness, followed by +glances and sly smiles. People felt disposed to condone whatever was in +the way of nature, for the meal of hoggans--pasties with chunks of bacon +in them, superior to the fuggans of everyday life, which only harboured +raisins--of pilchards steeped in vinegar and spices, all washed down by +strong cider, had combined to give that feeling of physical well-being +which causes the soul also to relax. + +Archelaus, suddenly irked by proximity to the girl or fired by the +thought of an excuse to clasp her more fully, sprang up and called for +helpers to clear the floor. The long trestle tables were pushed to one +side and everything that lay upon the dusty boards swept away, even to +the form of old Melchisedec Baragwaneth, the high-priest of an earlier +hour, who was found with his head under a bench and his stiff old legs +sprawled helplessly. + +The Parson did not mean Ishmael to stay for more than a dance or two, if +that, so he determined to get the thing on which he had set his mind +done at once. Picking the boy up, he stood him on the table, just where +a lantern, hitched to the wall, threw its beam of light, for the Parson +was nothing if not a stage manager by instinct. An awkward silence fell +upon the assembly; men scraped their feet uneasily through its hush. + +For a moment the Parson let his eyes wander over the clustered faces, +full of strong colour in the warm light, with bright, vacant looks and +half-open mouths. He knew everyone there, had christened and married +many of them, he knew their individual count of kindness and coarseness +and self-seeking; knew how hard-working they were, how thriftless, how +generous and strangely tolerant, yet how harsh at times in condemnation. +It was to their charity of outlook he wished to appeal now, or rather +wished Ishmael to make an unconscious appeal. + +"There's no need for me to make any speech to you, my friends," he +began. "You all know me, and I know you. We've trusted each other and +worked together for a good many years now, and please God we shall for +many more. You are all to me as my children. But there's one amongst +us--" (and here his hand on Ishmael's shoulder seemed to bring the +shrinking little boy into greater prominence) "who is even more of a +trust to me than any of you. He is a trust to you too--to me because I +am his guardian, pledged to see that he grows up into a man who will +make a good and just Squire to his tenants, to you because you are those +tenants. I think I can promise you that as your Squire grows up it will +mean better and better times for all of you, that things won't be so +hard. There was a time when the Squires of Cloom were noted for their +generosity and just dealing, when, so they say, every man on the estate +had his side of pork--ay, and half a sheep too--in his kitchen, and a +good coat to his back the year round, and wages to put in his stocking. +Those times will come again when the glories of Cloom are restored, when +it is once more a good gentleman's estate...." + +The Parson had spoken quietly but very deliberately. He knew how public +feeling had sided with Annie and the dispossessed Archelaus. The people +had grown so used to associating on a familiar level with the powers at +the Manor that they had ceased to think of the advantages of a different +mode of intercourse. The idea that they would themselves benefit by the +restoration of Cloom and its owner to the old position of gentry had +never occurred to them. It was true that it would mean the elevation of +this intruding child, who was merely the son of their Annie, whom they +all knew, but at the same time it meant certain obligations towards +them. It meant more money, help in times of stress, security. That was +a thing worth considering. The old Squire had hoarded his income and let +his fortune swell; if the all-powerful Parson were going to bring this +child up in the way he suggested it meant that money would be spent, and +on them.... + +The Parson gave his idea time enough to arrive, though not long enough +to be turned over. He pushed Ishmael gently forward again. + +"Say what I told you," he bade him, "and no more." + +At that moment something came to Ishmael which had failed him in that +evening's ordeal--a poise, a confidence of touch which was his by +inheritance, though so long unsummoned. He straightened himself and +thrust his hands into the pockets of his little breeches. + +"Thank you very much for having come to-night," he said, in a voice free +from any twang of dialect--the voice he fell into naturally after a day +alone with the Parson: "I'm very glad you could come. I hope I'll often +see you and that we'll all be very happy together...." He paused, could +think of nothing more to say, so retreated back in sudden shyness +against the Parson's arm. + +There was another moment of hush. Archelaus was sitting, his face suffused, +staring in front of him; a murmuring of "the pretty lil' dear" ... ran +amongst the women. It was Lenine who brought the moment to its fit rounding. + +"Three cheers for Missus and the lil' Squire," he called, and on that +able blend of sentiments all voices met with a roar. As the last sound +died away Phoebe could be heard clamouring: + +"I can do things too; Da Boase nadn't think Ishmael can do it all. I can +dance and sing, I can!" + +"So thee can, my worm," boomed the miller, and, swinging her up, he +stood her also on the table. "Shaw us what 'ee can do, my beauty," he +encouraged her. + +Phoebe, not at all shy, spread her crumpled skirts and did a little +dance that consisted of jigging up and down in the same place, to the +accompaniment of a sing-song of one verse: + + "I likes coffee an' I likes tea, + I likes th' chaps an' th' chaps likes me, + So, mawther, you go an' hold your tongue-- + You had a fellow when you was young!" + +Thus piped Phoebe, and the audience applauded with clapping and +laughter. Her cheeks were ablaze with the excitement of success; she +seized on Ishmael for the promised dance. But the Parson bade him say +good-night and come away. He remained deaf to all appeals from Phoebe +for just one dance, only one, and, making his own farewells, bore +Ishmael back with him to the Vicarage for the night. He was going to run +no risk of an anti-climax. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +REACTIONS + + +There are days in life which, to the backward look of later years stand +out with undying vividness, and this not necessarily because of any +import attached to them; often, in the irrational workings of memory, +very vital affairs refuse to come when bid, while quite little things or +aspects of them are imprinted on the mind for ever. That ceremony of +"Crying the Neck" at Cloom had, it is true, been for Ishmael Ruan a +notable happening, but it was for a certain pictorial brilliance that he +retained it so clearly in after years, and not for any strategic +importance, which at the time would not have impressed him. Yet, long +afterwards, in the light of that memory, he saw how his life had turned +a corner on that occasion, and how after it a different phase began. + +Life to him at that time was, of course, entirely centred round himself, +the only organism of which he was thoroughly aware. People went to fill +his world, but only as they affected him. Archelaus was a terrific being +whom he held in awe for his feats of strength, but about whom he was +beginning to be conscious of a certain inferiority. Tom he dreaded for +his powers of sarcasm, and here he felt no sense of superiority as he +did over Archelaus; Tom could make him feel even smaller than the Parson +could, and with no kindly intention behind to soften the knock. + +But if everyone else were out of temper, there was always one person he +could be sure of finding the same, and that was John-James--good, kind, +reliable John-James, whom he adored. Did he want a boat made? John-James +would do it with those big hands which looked so clumsy and were so +sure and careful. Had he broken the rope reins with which he and Jacka's +John-Willy played at horses? John-James would mend them. All of kindness +and consideration to be found for him in that house he extracted from +John-James. One thing only he could not get even from him, and that was +a return of his deep devotion. This was not because of any bitter +feeling in the elder boy's heart. Ishmael had done him no harm, and he +bore him no grudge; neither, since he was not an admirer of his elder +brother Archelaus, did he take up his cause. It simply was that +John-James was not made for the emotions. He knew nothing about them and +they made him uncomfortable. For a long while Ishmael failed to discover +this. He flung himself upon John-James, and felt him satisfactorily +solid and worried no more on the matter. But when, in the natural course +of development, his mind began to feel pain as well as discomfort at the +chill which met him from his family, he turned to his sure support for +help in this also, he found a blank. John-James would take him fishing, +save his pastry for him, stand between him and harshness, but he would +not, because he could not, give him love to live on. If he had one +outward-flowing sensation it was towards his sister Vassilissa. Ishmael +was just the "lil' un" and a trouble because the cause of trouble, but +Vassie was something so infinitely quicker, cleverer, more elusive than +himself that she stood to John-James for what of beauty was interwoven +with the very everyday stuff of his life. She, like Ishmael, was at the +intensely personal period, though with her it took objective form in +dress and pleasures rather than in the subjective wonderings of her +youngest brother. As to John-James, he hardly entered into the fabric of +her existence. Life to her was the cat-like attempt to get as much +comfort as possible regardless of others. The only emotion Ishmael +obtained out of Cloom came from Katie Jacka, and that was rather +unhealthy, because furtive and sentimental, and he only detested it. As +to his mother, that hectic, uneven creature, she was to him a +loud-voiced person of tempers and tendernesses equally gusty, not a +being as much "I" to herself as he was to himself. It was only on the +day following the supper party that he began to be affected by her as a +violent personality. + +It was a grey day, threatening with rain which might mean ruin to the +cut corn waiting to be stacked in the great arishmows that always seemed +to Ishmael like the tents of some magic host. All the way up from the +Vicarage, which lay a couple of sloping miles away, his thoughts and +hopes were busy, triumphing over the greyness and the faint damping mist +that blew in from the sea like smoke. For, somehow, after last night, he +expected everything to be "different." How, he hardly knew; but for the +first time in his life he had been allowed to be himself--more, himself +had been discovered to be Somebody. True, there had been that +mortification at supper which gave him what felt like an actual physical +hollow in his chest when he thought of it, but after that the Parson had +set him up and everyone had cheered him, and Archelaus had not dared do +anything to spoil it. He had been called "the little master"--well, if +last night, why not to-day? Katie would probably be cleaning up when he +arrived, but she would see him and call out. "Here's the little master +come back!" ... and his mother would ask him whether he would like a +piece of cake. So he went on planning, after the dramatic manner of all +imaginative children. He would be very nice to them all, but he too +would be different, now that he knew who he was. For the Parson, finding +him intensely puzzled, had partially explained to him that morning. +Questions of legitimacy, and any reflection on his mother, Boase had +omitted for the time being, merely telling him that when he was grown +up Cloom would be his because his father had willed it so. He tried to +impress on Ishmael that usually the eldest son inherited everything, and +so it was natural that Archelaus should feel hurt about it. At first +Ishmael, with the quick generosity of his age, had wanted to give Cloom +up to his brother there and then, but the Parson talked gravely to him, +impressing on him for the first time what was to be the keynote of his +teaching, that never, never must he forget that Cloom was the great +trust of his life. What he made of Cloom was everything; he could not +shift this thing God had put upon him. Thus the Parson, to whom what he +was to make of Ishmael had become the absorbing passion of his own life. + +Boase made Ishmael promise not to let anyone know he had been told about +it; that, too, was part of the trust--that Ishmael should prepare +himself in secret, by diligent study, for this thing that was to be his. +The child promised, proud of the confidence, his imagination thrilled by +the romance that had come to him, and so, although he meant to be quite +nice to everyone, there was a tinge of kindly pity in the manner he +pictured himself displaying when he arrived home. And, overriding even +these plans for the immediate future, was a tingling sense of glory he +had never known before, the glory of this trust that was to fill his +life.... + +No hailing of him as little master or as anything else took place when +he reached home; Katie was busy at the washhouse, and he met no one +amidst all the dreary litter of last night's festivities till he came on +his mother in the back kitchen. The piled dresser showed a muddle of +unwashed dishes, and the floor was gritty with mud. Annie looked, and +was, dirty with exertion; and even the steam that wreathed upwards from +the washbowl added a sense of uncleanness to the air. Ishmael was too +young to be depressed by dirt, which he rather liked, but the greyness +of it all settled on him like a blight. + +He had been right about one thing--there was a distinct change in +Annie's manner. It was not, however, any difference such as he had +imagined; it went deeper than mere speech. As he entered his mother came +over to him, and, tilting up his chin, searched his eyes with hers till +he felt uncomfortable. He jerked his head away, retreating against the +door which had swung to behind him. + +"Eh," said Annie, and he knew it was not to him she spoke; "it is to be. +The Lard will accept him as He accepted the infant Samuel." + +Ishmael began to be afraid; his mother's eyes had the glitter in them +that usually went with one of her storming fits, but now she was quiet, +though tense. "What is it, mother?" he asked nervously, staring at her +in his turn. + +"You'm a brand to be plucked from the burning," she told him, "an' by +the grace of God mine's to be the hand that'll pluck 'ee. You'll be +saved along of your poor old mawther, won't 'ee, dearie?" + +Then, as Ishmael showed no disposition to do anything but try and get +away, she caught up a slab of heavy-cake which lay on the dresser. "Thee +mustn't be afeared of thy mawther, my worm," she murmured, her voice +more coaxing than he had ever heard it; "we're gwain before the Lard +hand in hand.... There, take this bit o' food into the yard, but don't +'ee go far. Do 'ee hear what I say, Ishmael?" + +He hastened with a submissive "Yes" and then fled, cake in hand. Out in +the yard his little mind struggled in vain with the problem of this +change, for there was no added respect in his mother's treatment of him, +such as his stepping openly into the position of owner of Cloom might +have made. Neither, his child's true instinct told him, was it affection +suddenly awakened in her. He cast about vainly for what it might mean. +Presently he went into the washhouse, where Katie and another woman were +busy; they took scant notice of him, but went on discussing the fact +that Archelaus had not been home to bed all night, had not long come in, +and gone upstairs, where he still was, snoring for all to hear. Ishmael +was not altogether ignorant, and allusions were bandied back and forth +across his head which he was at once too young and too old to hear +unscathed. + +Left alone, Annie went upstairs, listened a moment outside the door of +her eldest-born, then went on to the tiny room over the porch that was +Ishmael's. And there, on her knees by the bed, she prayed silently, her +eyes rolling till a slather of white showed beneath each faded iris, her +reddened fingers wringing each other so that patches of pallor sprang +out on them. + +Annie was in the midst of a religious crisis that had overwhelmed her +like a typhoon. She was one of those women who must have an outlet for +passion. It had taken merely physical form with her in the days of the +old Squire, but since her elevation to the position of a widow-woman she +had undergone "conversion." What she had hitherto accepted, much as her +farm beasts accepted it--as a clamorous necessity--she now held to be a +thing accursed. Her position was an inconsistent one, as she was quick +to uphold her ill-used righteousness with her neighbours; but that did +not worry Annie, whose mind, blurred and wavering, never faced anything +squarely. + +Lawyer Tonkin had gazed into her eyes when he said good-night, and she +had felt his moist and pudgy hand squeeze hers; but she knew it was the +eyes and hand of the widow-woman, the owner, but for Ishmael, of Cloom +Manor, with which the lawyer had dallied. Her sense of her position was +flattered and a glimpse of a yet more consequential one flashed before +her, but no thrill went with it. It was in the grip of what she would +have thought a very different emotion that she had gone up to her room. +For Tonkin had told her of a noted revivalist who was coming through +West Penwith, and already she felt the first delicious tremblings of +that orgy of fear which should be hers. + +Hers and another's, for she was set on the redemption of her beloved +first-born, her beautiful Archelaus. Him she would lead to the heavenly +courts and win forgiveness for the sin of his creation; he, the brand +she had lit, should by her be plucked from the burning. Crossing over to +her window, she had leaned her hot brow against the pane, closing her +eyes in an ecstasy of prayer. It was very dim still in the house, but +without the first faint pallor of the dawn was growing, and against it +every solid object showed distinct and black. And, opening her eyes, +Annie saw, silhouetted darkly with the precision of sculpture against +the paling sky, the figures of Archelaus and a girl. He was half-lifting +her over the stile whose stone steps crested the edge of the hill, and +for a second the two figures stayed poised on the topmost step. The girl +seemed protesting, even struggling, though with slaps that were more +horseplay than earnest, and the next moment the boy's big arms had +caught her and dragged her out of sight down on the far side of the +stile. + +The whole quick vignette was over in a flash, but Annie fell back from +the window with all the egoism in her dulled nature torn awake. A more +normal mother, of a more refined type, might have thought what she had +seen meant nothing but a rude flirtation; Annie's blood told her +differently. If she had merely heard of the matter her lack of +visualising power would have saved her from sensation; it was the sight +of those two striving figures which had made her feel. She moaned that +her baby son had grown up and away from her, and she agonised over his +soul, which she had planned to wrest for the Lord during the coming +revival--small heed would she get Archelaus to pay to his soul now this +new thing was opening before him. Her mind was conscious of a great +emptiness where her scheme for the salvation of Archelaus had been +waxing. + +Annie had about as much true moral sense as a cat. Her quarrel with +Archelaus was not that, in a wayside copse, with some girl, Jennifer or +another, he was learning as fact what he had long known in theory; the +chastity of a man, even of her beloved son, meant very little to her. +Terrible things, far worse than the casual mating of a man and a maid, +happen in the country, and it needed something keenly sharpened to make +Annie's dulled sensitiveness feel a shock. She raged that her son was +taken from her, but she would have felt indignant anger if the girl had +denied her lovely boy. And behind her sense of loss in Archelaus, behind +her terror that he was being led in the way of destruction, there +lurked, unknown to her, another anger, an anger against life. Some last +remnant of femininity cried out because for her it was all over--gone +the shudderings and the fierce delights.... Suddenly she felt intensely +old, and she collapsed from her kneeling attitude on to her heels and +sat there slackly. Youth is so confident that it can never grow old, and +then one day unthinking middle age awakens and finds that it has become +so. + +Then stirred in Annie the outraged feeling of a parent, which says that +it seems somehow wrong, almost indecent, for offspring to feel passion. +It had been all right for her and her generation, but incomprehensible +in her own parents, and now it was equally so when she saw it beginning +to work out in her children. She supposed vaguely, confronted by the +fact that the race went on multiplying, that everyone might feel like +that about other people, but differently about themselves. + +Broad daylight had seen Archelaus return, but by then Annie had fallen +into a heavy sleep and did not hear his entry, though there was nothing +furtive about it; rather was it the unashamed clatter of the master. She +awoke to deadness of all feeling except the thought of the revival that +was to sweep like a flail over the land, and in her tired but avid mind +that winnowing began to assume the proportions of the chief thing for +which to live. She saw herself in it, and with her, by a flash of +inspiration, not the fair eldest-born who had failed her, but the +youngest--he whom she could flaunt in the face of God and men. Some +receptacle for passion Annie had to have, and being an uneducated woman, +it had to be a personal one. Archelaus had gone beyond her clutch, Tom +she knew would evade her, John-James she, like Ishmael, found +unresponsive. As for girls, she placed them below any male creature. She +loved Vassie far more than she did Ishmael, if she could be said to love +him at all, but nevertheless he was a son. Her punishment for sin might +be that those other more dearly loved ones were not to be among the +saved, but this child she could shake in the face of the Almighty.... + +It was by this new passion that Ishmael, with his foolish little plans +of a new importance, found himself caught up and held relentlessly. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +THE CHAPEL + + +The revivalist preacher had come, and was indeed sweeping the land like +a flail. Everyone was caught up in that threshing, and staid old +church-goers of years rushed into the chapels and added their groans and +outcries to the rest. Parson Boase stood aside, powerless while the +excitement lasted. Those were days when Methodism was at its most harsh; +the pure, if fierce, white flame of Whitefield and Thomson and Wesley +had become obscured by the redder glare and smoke of that place whose +existence seemed the chief part of these latter-day Methodists' creed. +Hell was the theme of sermon and hymn--a hell of concrete terrors enough +to scare children in their beds at night. Thanks to the Parson, Ishmael +had hitherto been kept out of this maelstrom of gloomy fears, but now +that Annie, with the vicarious piety of so many women, had set her mind +on his "conversion," he too was to run the gamut of religious emotion, +in which it has been said there are contained all the others. + +Ishmael, in so far as at that age he could be said to wish to attend any +place of prayer at all, was quite pleased to be going to chapel, partly +because he had never been allowed to, and partly because the singing, +from without, always sounded so much noisier and more frequent than +church music. Annie impressed on him that he was to say nothing to the +Parson about her intentions, and, though it made Ishmael uncomfortable +and even miserable to think of deceiving his friend, he was too afraid +of his mother to go against her, especially since this new sustained +violence was upon her. + +It was a weekday evening when the preacher came to the gaunt little +chapel which affronted the skies at the highest curve of the moorland +road. Annie had put on her Sunday clothes, though she had ripped the +feather out of her bonnet as a concession to the spirit of repentance, +and she dressed Ishmael with care in the fine little nankeen suit with +braided tunic that the Parson's housekeeper had made for him. She oiled +his unruly black hair till it looked as though painted on to his bullet +head, except for the obstinate forelock that would fall over his eyes; +then she took him firmly by the hand and they set out together. Vassie, +to whom any gathering was better than none, was already gone with a girl +friend; John-James, who was the Martha of the family, had too much to +attend to at the farm; while Archelaus was frankly a scoffer, though an +uneasy one. Neither was Annie anxious for the presence of her other +children at chapel. The belief that as a judgment on her these +dearly-loved ones were not to be among the saved had been growing; it +was to be Ishmael whom the Lord demanded of her; it was by the tail of +his little tunic that she, clinging, should also be swept into the +region of the secure. Archelaus had failed her; that must be meant to +show that it was not the children of her heart who were chosen by the +Almighty. It was with a set mind and look that she urged Ishmael along +the rough track that curved inland over the moor, its rain-filled ruts +shining in the glamorous evening light. + +They were not the only people on that errand; the pale road was +scattered with moving specks of blackness--solitary old men and women +that stumbled on faster than they had done for years in their anxiety +lest no place should be left for them; family groups already discussing +all they had heard of the preacher; knots of youths, half-ribald and +half-curious, encouraging each other as over their reluctant spirits +there blew the first breath of that dread which was to send them, +shaking, to the penitents' bench. Little children, sagging sideways from +the hand of a grown-up relation, dragged their feet along that road, +taken to the means of salvation willy-nilly. + +Ishmael's heart began to stir within him; the sight of so many people +all intent on the same way affected him curiously with a tingling of +excitement. But at the first glimpse of the hideous chapel--one of those +buildings found throughout the Duchy which rebuke God for ever having +created beauty--seemed to Ishmael like some awful monster sucking in its +prey. The chapel had one chimney cocked like an ear, and two large front +windows that were the surprised eyes in a face where the door made a +mouth, into which the black stream of people was pouring. If he had ever +heard of Moloch he would have been struck by the resemblance, and +unfairly so, for when revivals were not in the air that ugly little +chapel was served very faithfully by a spiritually-minded minister, who +hurled himself all the year round against the obduracy of the people. +Ishmael had a quick movement of withdrawal as his mother led him in +through the prosaic yellow-grained doors, but it availed him nothing. +Another moment and he was being propelled into a pew. + +They were in good time, and Ishmael stared about him curiously. The +place was very bare and ugly--the walls washed a cold pale green, the +pews painted a dull chocolate that had flaked off in patches, the pulpit +a great threatening erection that stood up in the midst of the pews and +dominated them, like a bullying master confronting a pack of little +boys. + +The chapel was lit by lamps hung in iron brackets, and, the oil used +being extracted from pilchards, a strong fishy odour pervaded the air. +The pews soon filled to overflowing; people even sat up the steps of +the pulpit and stood against the walls; every place was taken save in +the front pew that was being kept for penitents. Annie had told Ishmael +of its import, and he stared at it in morbid fascination. + +There was a stir and a sound throughout the chapel when the preacher +made his appearance. Quite an ordinary-looking man, thought Ishmael with +a sense of flatness, unable to note the height of the brow and its +narrowness at the temples, the nervous twitching of the lids over the +protuberant eyeballs and the abrupt outward bulge of the head above the +collar at the back. Abimelech Johns was a tin-miner who had spent his +days in profane swearing and coursing after hares with greyhounds until +the Lord had thrown him into a trance like that which overtook Saul of +Tarsus, and not unlike an epileptic fit Abimelech himself had had in +childhood. Since the trance he was a changed man; his passion for souls +was now as great as his passion for pleasure had been before, and he had +a name for working himself and his congregations up to a higher pitch +than any one who had been on that circuit for years past. It was known +to be a terrible thing to see Abimelech wrestling with the Lord. + +The meeting began quietly enough with a long extemporary prayer from the +preacher that was more a confident button-holing of the Almighty, and +Ishmael began to feel bored and at the same time relieved. Then the +first thrill of instinctive protest ran through him as the voices of old +and young arose in a hymn: + + "There is a dreadful hell + And everlasting pains, + Where sinners do with devils dwell, + In darkness, fire and chains." + +Thus bellowed the strong voices of the men and the reedier tones of the +women, while the clear little pipes of the children went up +complacently. Ishmael was not alarmed yet, but his attention was +attracted. Then Abimelech went up into the pulpit and stood there a few +moments with closed eyes, communing with unseen powers before entering +on the good fight. When he opened them it could be seen that in one he +had a slight cast; this was wont to grow more marked with emotion, and +gave at all times the disconcerting impression that he was looking every +way at once. It seemed to Ishmael that that light glittering gaze was +fixed on him, and he was aware of acute discomfort. Annie whispered him +sharply not to fidget, and the next moment the preacher gave out his +text: "For many are called, but few are chosen." With a long breath of +anticipation the congregation settled itself to listen. + +Of what was done and said that evening Ishmael fortunately only carried +away a blurred impression, owing to the frenzy that it all threw him +into. Every text in the Old Testament and the New that bore on hell-fire +and the unrelenting wrath of God the preacher poured down. He impressed +on his hearers that eternity went on for ever and ever, that each +night's sleep in this world might be the last moment of unconsciousness +the soul would know for everlasting. He painted man as being guilty from +his start, only to be saved by the grace of this offended tyrant Who had +made him vile because it seemed good to Him so to do. The preacher +called on all present to flee from the wrath to come, from the +inevitable condemnation hanging over them if they persisted in their +sins; he talked of lusts and dishonesties and lies and envyings, and +accused everyone of all of them. Ishmael, his heart turning cold within +him, remembered how he had lied to the Parson about that evening's +meeting, how he lied to his mother many times a day for the sake of +ease; remembered how he and Jacka's John-Willy had pored over a snail +which they had unearthed in the act of laying her eggs. There they were, +still adhering to her--a cluster of little opaque white spheres, like +soapy bubbles. He and John-Willy had used the occasion to try and add to +their store of knowledge, and the memory of that unedifying discussion +made Ishmael burn now. That time, too, when he stole his mother's Bible +from her room that he might puzzle over portions of it which he had +better have left unread. True, it had been John-Willy--whose household +did not include a Bible and who could not read--who had started him on +the course and urged him on, for as boys go, especially country-bred +boys, Ishmael was singularly clean of thought by nature, and also far +more ignorant than he knew, but none the less conscience accused him and +him only. He knew the sin of it, because he was aware of what the Parson +thought of such goings-on, and John-Willy had no such guide to right and +wrong. All these crimes thronged on him now, and still the awful voice +went on. The chapel grew hotter and hotter, and the flames shuddered at +the wicks till to Ishmael's starting eyes the shadowy walls seemed +a-quiver, and the people's faces swelled and diminished again. The +groans that began to sound from all around him bewildered him so that +sight and hearing became one confused sense and the place seemed dark +with the groaning. Then cries began to pierce the medley of sound and +vision. "Lord, save us, we perish!" shrieked a woman just behind +Ishmael, while Annie rocked herself back and forth, the tears streaming +down her face as she gave vent to little howls like an animal in +distress. + + * * * * * + +The preacher was clutching the rim of the pulpit with both hands, his +face had turned to a curious greenish colour, his eyes were rolled +upwards till only the whites could be seen: he was no longer articulate; +convulsive shudders tore at him, froth dabbled his chin. Suddenly he +fell down inside the pulpit and was lost to view, all except those +fearful hands, that clutched and beat at the rim. Then that too ceased, +and they hung over motionless, like the hands of someone drowned.... + +The whole chapel was clamorous now with cries and groanings, but a +comparative stillness fell as the preacher's hands gripped the edge of +the pulpit again and he dragged himself erect. The sweat ran down his +white face and splashed like tears on to the Bible before him. + +"Who is going to stand forth and be saved?" he yelled: "Who amongst you +is still a prisoner to Satan? Let him come forth and confess the Lard. I +see 'ee over there"--pointing a shaking forefinger--"you'm hesitating. +You can't make up your mind to give up that sin you love. Give it up, or +this night thy soul shall be required of thee, and all the devils in +hell shall play at ball with it in the midst of the flames." + +Several men, each convinced that finger had threatened him, rose to +their feet and struggled towards the penitents' pew, the tears streaming +down their drawn faces, their breath rasping as though they had been +running. A young girl sprang up and ripped the ribbon off the straw +bonnet she was wearing; the sharp tearing sound added an alien note to +the babel. Then she too, trembling violently, attained the pew and fell +on her knees, the despoiled bonnet askew on her bowed head. One after +another all those not already converted made their way through the +encouraging throng to the fateful pew. + +Annie shook Ishmael by the arm. + +"Get up," she urged excitedly; "go to the pew, Ishmael. Confess the +Lard, de 'ee hear? You'm got to confess the Lard." + +But Ishmael, sick with fear, was crouching down, trying to shield both +eyes and ears at the same time with his enfolding arms. He shrieked as +Annie touched him. + +"Go to wance," she commanded. "You heard what the minister said? You'll +die and go to hell unless you repent. Get up and be saved ...;" and she +drew him to his feet, his struggles unavailing against her. + +But at sight of that sinister pew, choked with its weeping throng of +ugly people, Ishmael went distraught with fear. He felt if he were put +in that place of dread he would die at once. He fought Annie's grasp for +a moment, screaming wildly, then collapsed in a little heap against her. + +Annie thought he was dead, and that her offering, like Cain's, had +proved unacceptable on high. She drew back in horror, her hands dabbing +aimlessly from her own face to the sides of the pew. It was another +woman, a comfortable creature who had remained very unaffected +throughout the service, who gathered Ishmael up and forced her way out +with him in her arms. + +As she laid him on the grass outside a burst of praise came through the +open door of the chapel; the scene of fear was over, and the penitents, +confident of their salvation, were rejoicing together. All was peace and +happiness, but Ishmael lay, his head upon the steep lap of the stranger, +quite unaware that the Lord was appeased at last. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +SEED-TIME + + +The Parson was a cassocked whirlwind in his wrath. He said little, not +being a man who wasted words when a thing was done, but he acted +decisively, pinning Annie by her terror to agree to a permanent +alteration in affairs. As soon as Ishmael could be moved--for the fit he +had had left him weak and nervous--the Parson took him to the Vicarage, +and there for the next three or four years, till he went to St. Renny, +Ishmael made his home. + +They were, he realised much later, the happiest years of his life. +Looking back on them, he grudged his unconsciousness of the fact at the +time. There is nothing in the world quite like the atmosphere of an +old-fashioned English parsonage--the quietness, the well-bred but simple +air of it, with a tang of scholarly mustiness, the whole of a fragrance +never entirely lost to those who have known it intimately. Something of +the spirit of George Herbert, that homely gentleman of unassuming +saintliness, the epitome of everything that was best and most +characteristic in the Anglican Church, has descended on country +parsonages ever since and is only now beginning to wear thin. And it was +the Church of Herbert, of Jeremy Taylor, of Traherne--how above all he +would have loved the works of Traherne if they had then been +discovered!--that Boase represented. A Church domestic, so to speak, +with priestly powers, but wielded as the common laws of a household. The +widening ripples of the Oxford Movement had touched even the West with +its spreading circle, but though it had his respect it left him +curiously unstirred. Its doctrines were his already, perhaps with a +wider interpretation here and there; and for ritual, except in so far +that he liked everything done decently, he had no feeling. His sense of +religion was profound but simple, as simple as daily bread. He held that +it should be allowed to become part of a child as unforcedly as air or +food, and he had an especial horror of what are known as heart-to-heart +talks. Above all he abominated revivals, he knew too much of the greater +apathy that welled in their hysterical wake. Wesley, he held, had had a +mission, which is a very different thing. + +Therefore the Parson's first care with Ishmael was to sweep him as bare +of all thought as might be. He even stopped him when the child, still +conscience-ridden, would have poured out exaggerations of misdoings, +though he registered the knowledge he guessed at for future guidance. It +was against Ishmael's nature to be expansive, and if he had been so on +that occasion he would probably never have felt so easy with the Parson +again. As it was, he began, in his secretive way, to copy Boase at all +points that seemed good to him, doing things of his own initiative which +he would have rebelled from being told. When the Parson got him a pony +at fair-time, Ishmael soon gathered that a gentleman rode without +kicking his horse in the belly or jagging at its mouth, as was the +custom in that part of the world. He learnt, too, by the simple +reappearance of a tin bath, flanked by an earthen pitcher of water, in +his room morning after morning, that a gentleman washed all over every +day. At first this bored him considerably, but after one day when the +Parson took him down to the cove to bathe, and he had occasion to be +ashamed of his grubby little legs and feet beside the other's shining +whiteness, that too altered. Yet the Parson had said nothing, hardly +given more than a look. In the same way, when he gathered that the +Parson trusted him to tell the truth, and that no grievous consequences +attended it, he gradually ceased to lie, though this took time, since +lying with him, as with many children, had become an instinct. Gradually +the whole atmosphere of the Vicarage, with its shiny mahogany furniture, +its faded rep curtains, its old prints and few unassuming miniatures of +the quiet country gentlefolk who were Boase's ancestors, its queer +mingled smell of old books and lavender, all became part of Ishmael's +consciousness. + +He had a great deal of freedom, once the morning's lessons were over, +for the Parson was a busy man and his parish many miles wide. At first +Boase had been rather worried about these spaces in Ishmael's time, for +there were no gentlefolk's children for him to play with nearer than +seven or eight miles, and it was a necessary part of the great plan to +keep from undue familiarity with the village boys. There was always +Phoebe, but Ishmael was growing of an age to despise girls. Besides, +nice soft little thing that Phoebe was, she talked with a dialect as +thick as treacle. Eventually, however, it turned out that girls were to +be Ishmael's chief companions, and the Parson concluded it would do him +no harm to be under what is commonly supposed to be a softening +influence before plunging into the stern masculinities of St. Renny. It +was John-James who brought about the feminine factor in Ishmael's days, +some six months after the Vicarage period had begun. + +It was early spring, the first rathe-primroses were showing their +milk-fair faces on the cliff, and the light-green leaves were beginning +to uncrumple on the wind-wilted elders, when John-James appeared on a +mission of his own at the Vicarage. There was a good deal of coming and +going between the Manor and the Vicarage, for the Parson laid himself +open to no charge of alienating affections, but this visit was quick +with a portentousness beyond the normal. To begin with, John-James asked +for Mr. Boase instead of for Ishmael, and when he was shown into the +study he stood revolving his cap in his hands and some weighty thought +in his brain till the Parson bade him sit down and say what it was had +brought him. But John-James still stood and, his eyes fixed anxiously on +the Parson, at last blurted out: + +"Mr. Boase, you'm tachen Ishmael things like gentry do belong to knaw, +aren't 'ee?" + +"Why, yes," said Boase. + +"I want to knaw if 'ee'll tache our Vassie too. Archelaus, he'em too +old, and thinks on naught but gwain with females, and Tom's doen fine +with Mr. Tonkin, and for me--I'm not that class. Farmen's my traade. But +the maid, she'm so quick and clever, 'tes only fitty she should have her +chance same as the lil'un. She's gwain to be 'ansome, white as a lily +she is, and it'll be better for she if she do have things to think of +like the gentry. For if Ishmael's gentry, there's no rason Vassie +shoulden be. They'm the same blood after all. An' it's dangerous blood, +Mr. Boase." + +The Parson sat for a moment in silence while John-James shifted his feet +anxiously. Mingled with the swift appreciation of the humour of himself +as tutor to the arrogant Vassie was a pang of reproachful conscience. + +"What does your mother say?" he temporised; "and Vassie?" + +"Mother's willen, only she did say you was so took up with the lil'un +you wouldn't take no account of Vassie, seeing she'm only a bastard like +the rest of us. But Vassie said if you thought it was the right thing to +do by her you'd do it." + +Boase had as little vanity as any man, but it was pleasurably pricked by +this. Also he still reproached himself. + +"John-James," he began almost diffidently, "you mustn't talk like that +about bastards--as though it made any difference to me. You know it +isn't because of that I look after Ishmael and treat him differently; +it's because he was left to me as a charge. I want to make a fine thing +of him and for him to make a fine thing of Cloom.... But that includes +his overcoming this barrier between him and his family; it won't be +complete till he and Archelaus can meet in friendship as brothers +should, without a grudge or a fear. All this bad blood needs sweetening." + +"I daresay," said John-James, "but meanwhile Ishmael'll be growen up +further and further from his folk." + +"But you wouldn't have me not educate him, would you?" urged Boase, +speaking as to a fellow-man; "you say yourself it's too late with +Archelaus. It always was; he hated me from Ishmael's birth." + +"That's right enough," agreed John-James; "it's only Vassie you can +help. And helpen her will help your plan too, won't it? For it'll make +one of his own kind in his family. And she's gwain to be 'ansome, she +is." + +"You're quite right, John-James, and I'm obliged to you for the +suggestion. I don't think I can supply an education much good to a young +lady, but we'll see what can be done." + +"Mother says," mumbled John-James, "that happen later Vassie could go to +what they do call a boarding school to Plymouth church town, seen' as +the money won't be Ishmael's yet awhile.... Only she must learn to +cipher and make nadlework flowers afore go, or the other maids'll mock +at she." + +"I can teach the ciphering but not the needlework flowers, I fear," said +the Parson, laughing; "my housekeeper will have to be called in over +that. Well, you tell Vassie to be here by nine in the morning and she +shall begin her education. Whether she sticks to it is her own affair." + +"She'll stick to it," prophesied John-James. "She'm terrible proud, is +Vassie." + +That was how it came about that Vassilissa Beggoe, half pouting +defiance, half eager, began to pull herself out of the slough into which +her race had slipped. There were difficulties perpetually +arising--Ishmael had to be snubbed for sneering at her abysmal +ignorance; and a course more adapted to her needs and temperament than +the classic one the Parson was unfolding before the boy had to be +arrived at; and her own recurring fits of suspicion and obstinacy had to +be overcome. The intimacy between brother and sister did not deepen +perceptibly, for the three years between them made too wide a gulf at +that period in life, and to counter Ishmael's scorn of her as a girl and +far more ignorant than himself, was her scorn of him as younger, less +daring, much less swift of apprehension, though keener of application. +Each began to have a certain respect for the other, nevertheless--she in +his superiority over the other boys she knew, he in her splendour that +made the other boys' sisters seem dim. These two were laying the +foundations for possible intimacy later on, though there was too much +against it now. + +The Parson felt it as a matter for self-reproach that he never became +really fond of Vassie; her hardness, and a certain set determination +about her that was rather fine as well, blinded him to her good points. +She was certainly unlovable at that period, but she and the Parson had +natures which would mutually fail to respond at the best of times. Being +what he was, this made him all the more careful to do all he could for +her, but he never rejoiced in her really quick intellect as he did in +the slow sensitive one of Ishmael, or even in the kittenish +superficiality of Phoebe's. + +For the miller had no rest when he heard what was going on at the +Vicarage of a morning until his Phoebe was reaping equal benefits, or +benefits that would have been equal had Phoebe the temperament to +avail herself of them. If the Parson had not possessed a natural genius +for teaching, even his patience would never have survived those +schoolroom struggles with three children of differing ages and +capacities. But he was interested in Vassie's determination to improve +herself, and of little Phoebe he was fond in the way one cannot help +being fond of some soft confiding little animal that rubs up against +one. + +The miller built much on those few years of childish friendship during +which he told himself his Phoebe too was learning to be as good as +anyone else, but the Parson had no fears on that score. Ishmael was +going, as he saw things, to be a man of wider ideas than ever little +facile Phoebe, with her superficial quickness in acquiring anything +"lady-like," would be able to fill. + +Meanwhile, the Parson told Ishmael, in language that made everything +seem clean and wonderful, as much as he thought wise of the mysteries +which had perplexed him and Jacka's John-Willy over the snail. The +ideals Ishmael gradually absorbed during these years made the thought of +the furtive conversations with John-Willy seem hateful, and with their +swift acquisitiveness of values both little girls appreciated that he +would be superior to them if they indulged in any of the vulgarities +most children are apt to fall into at one period, harmless enough in +fact, but not cleansing to the mind. Therefore each of the three +affected the other two in some way, and the pattern of Ishmael's life, +though so essentially isolated as everyone's must be in greater or less +measure, was intermingled at many of its edges with those of the two +girls'. But always it was the Parson who held his heart as far as any +human entity could be said to do so. For it was still the world of +things and ideas which filled the round of his horizon most for Ishmael, +and in that world the thought of his great trust held ever-strengthening +place. + +One great cause for relief he had, which came upon him soon after the +settlement of the scholastic arrangement at the Vicarage, and that was +the departure of Archelaus, who enlisted and went to the Crimea. Later +he was wounded and discharged, but even then he did not come home, but +went to the goldfields of New South Wales. The great fever of that rush +was on, and, any form of mining being in a Cornishman's blood, there +were many that went from West Penwith alone. The malignant presence of +Archelaus withdrawn, though he did not understand the malignancy, +Ishmael felt lighter, freer. Tom he hardly ever saw, and the girls were +under dire penalties from the Parson never to hint to Ishmael the true +reason of the domestic complications of Cloom. That Boase reserved for +himself, as a difficult telling, which Ishmael might take hardly, and +for which he was to be well fortified in the years of childhood. + +Long after, on looking back, Ishmael saw better the whole atmosphere of +those years from eight to twelve than he did when in the midst of them. +Golden summers, when he spent whole days out on the cliff or moor with +the Parson, their specimen cases at their backs; ruddy autumns when the +peewits cried in the dappled sky and the blackberries were thick on the +marsh; grey winters when the rain and mist blotted the world out, and he +and the Parson sat by a glowing fire of wreckage, the Parson reading +aloud from Jorrocks or Pickwick, or the entrancing tales of Captain +Marryat, and later, for more solid matter, Grote's "History of Greece," +its democratic inferences counterbalanced by "Sartor Resartus," whose +thunderous sentences enthralled Ishmael, if their purport was yet beyond +him; wonderful pale springs when the sunshine and the blood in his veins +were both like golden wine. So the time went, and it mostly belonged to +himself and his dreams, with even the Parson more unconsciously felt +than actively realised, and with the two girls still more upon the +fringe, though it was true there were splendid games, such as Cavaliers +and Roundheads, which could not be played by himself. For this and +kindred affairs Vassie and Phoebe were of great use, though Phoebe +cried if she had to be a Roundhead too often out of her turn. Still, she +was a good little thing, but when the fateful date arrived which was to +see the journey to St. Renny, Ishmael had no pang at leaving her or +anyone else. He was not a shy boy, and felt only intense interest at the +thought of what lay before him. For the journey in a railway train was +alone enough to set the blood thrilling--it was a thing that no one whom +Ishmael knew, excepting Parson Boase, had ever undertaken. It was only a +matter of five years since the West Cornwall Railway from Truro Road to +Penzance had been opened. The same year the great Duke had died, but the +opening of the railway, with the mayor and all the magistrates and the +volunteer band in attendance, had made far the greater stir in West +Penwith. Iron Dukes were intangible creatures compared with iron +engines, although the Parson had preached about the former and seemed to +think, as some parishioners said, that it might have been the Almighty +Himself who had passed away. Wellington had gone, but the railway had +come--therein lay the difference; and Ishmael swelled with pride as he +talked casually to Phoebe of the experience before him. + +The miller lent his trap for the drive into Penzance, for, incredible as +it may seem, there was still hardly a cart in the countryside, all the +carrying of turf, furze, and produce being done on donkeys' back, and +thus it came about that Phoebe came too to see him off. She held her +round softly-tinted face, with the mouse-coloured ringlets falling away +from it, up to his in the railway station as he prepared to climb to his +place in the pumpkin-shaped compartment. He ensured a tear-wet pillow +for her that night by merely shaking her hand at the full length of a +rigid arm. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +FRESH PASTURE + + +For most children the first day at school is a memorable landmark; for +Ishmael it was the more so because all his life hitherto he had lived in +one atmosphere, without the little voyagings and visitings in which more +happily-placed children are able to indulge. The change to St. Renny, +although in the same county, was a great one, for whereas Cloom lay on +the wind-swept promontory where only occasional folds in the land could +give some hint of what gentler-nurtured pastures might be like, the +whole little grey town of St. Renny seemed embowered in foliage that did +not indeed encroach upon its actual ways, but that gave the rolling +slopes of its guarding hills a richness of dark green that Ishmael had +never imagined trees could hold. The life itself bore a very similar +analogy to that he had led hitherto, not because the school was at all +luxurious or riotous, but because his life, even at the Vicarage, had +been of an unusual austerity. This new world held at once greater +restrictions and more liberty of spirit, for at school every boy works +out his own salvation or the reverse. Not being shy, Ishmael had no +inner terrors to overcome--only a feeling for self-defence which was the +outcome of his anomalous position. The Parson hoped and thought there +would be no disagreeables about that at St. Renny; the headmaster, of +course, knew of it, but of the boys, those adepts at torture, none +happened to be from the furthest West. For St. Renny still bore the +reputation it had attained under a famous headmaster, when the best +known of West Country novelists had been a scholar there, and parents +from right up the country, even from London itself, if they had the +blood of Devon or Cornwall in their veins, sent their sons to grey St. +Renny. It was with a London boy, son of a one-time Plymouth merchant who +had become an alderman and a shining light of Bloomsbury, that Ishmael's +fortunes were to be most closely linked. + +In spite of his pose of self-sufficiency--so ingrained as to deceive +himself--Ishmael's heart beat fast as he followed the Parson through the +arched doorway of grey granite that was to open so often for him in the +years to follow. He was filled with an inarticulate wonder at the +knowledge that it was to be so, and it occurred to him for the first +time--for children, like animals, accept what comes to them very +naturally--that it was odd one could be so completely disposed of by +grown-up people, even for one's undoubted good.... + +Of the interview with the headmaster, so square of jowl and brow and yet +so kindly, Ishmael remembered little in after years; for it became +blurred by all he grew to know of "Old Tring" during the long though +intermittent association of school. Old Tring rang a bell, after a gruff +sentence of welcome, and, apparently as glad as Ishmael for an excuse to +part, told him he should be shown round by one Killigrew. Old Tring +added that he, Ishmael Ruan, would be sure to like Killigrew. Ishmael +doubted this; somehow, waiting there in that still room, whose +tranquillity seemed so much of its essence as to be more than a mere +absence of noise, waiting and gazing at the strip of sunlit High Street +that seemed lambent by contrast with the dimness within, Ishmael +conceived a dislike to Killigrew. The name sounded brisk, brutal even; +Ishmael was unaware that it was the fact that he had been told he would +like Killigrew which awaked his antagonism. Unconsciously he resented +that this old man should take advantage of knowing more of books to +think that therefore he knew what he, Ishmael, would and would not like. + +They all three waited; the Parson ran a finger along the lines of +calf-bound books, then paused, Old Tring at his elbow. Ishmael was +forgotten, isolated in himself, and, without warning, in the irrational +way of such phases, he was overwhelmed by one of those strange periods +in which, though actually but a second or so, time seems to hold its +breath and the consciousness, muffled by some overwhelming dimness, is +arrested and stands alone, on a pin-point of eternity, without past or +future. It seemed to him that nothing would ever move again in the dim +room, where for this fraction of a second everything was motionless +except the dust motes that danced in the beam slanting through the low +window, wreathing this way and that like steam within the strip of +brightness, but ceasing to be visible at the edge as sharply as though +they ceased to exist--as though an impalpable line ruled in the air +would not allow the twisting coils to pass beyond, even when the pattern +demanded it. Ishmael stared at this aerial path of living light, his +mind hypnotised by it, and the remainder of the room by its contrasting +density seemed to fall away from him; out of a great distance came the +Parson's voice saying, "So you've got a first edition of the +Antiquities...." Followed the soft rubbing sound of one smooth book +being drawn out from between its companions, then the crisper noise of +large pages being turned. + +The moment, which had seemed so intensely the present to Ishmael that +during it he had thought it could never cease to be, reeled and sank +into the past, leaving him with the feeling that time was once more in +motion, like a vast clock whose pendulum has stopped for one beat, only +to resume its swing again. At once it became possible that everything +should go on, the idea of the incursion of the boy Killigrew ceased to +be wildly chimerical, and with this acceptance of it Killigrew himself +was in the room. + +The vibrant path was no longer bright to the shutting-off of all else, +material and mental; the Parson looked up from his first edition; Old +Tring's hand, advancing, came into the strip of light, and seemed to +spring to life, swelled to huge dimensions, became of a glowing +whiteness. Killigrew, red-headed, freckled, standing with an air of +surly self-protection, suddenly raised his light lashes to give the +sweetest smile Ishmael had ever seen. Always, even in moments of +irritation, it was to remain with him as illuminative of Killigrew--that +peculiar radiant smile which carried him so softly, if not triumphantly, +through life. It would have been a disgusting smile if it had been +calculated, even self-conscious; as it was, it made of Killigrew a +creature subtly apart, though for no deeper reason. + +Old Tring said: "Killigrew, this is Ruan, who has come from Bolerium, +or, as you would vulgarly term it, Land's End. Take him and show him the +school, but bring him back to have tea with his guardian." The two boys +went out and as he was shutting the door Ishmael, who had the woodland +hearing of a little animal, caught some low-toned words of the Parson's: +"... makings of a fine spirit. I assure you, Tring ..." That was +himself, Ishmael Ruan, whom they were speaking of. "A fine spirit ..."; +the phrase pricked his imagination--he swelled to it. He glanced at +Killigrew, who was whistling in rosy unconsciousness of proximity to any +spirit at all, and suddenly felt enormously relieved that the other boy +had not heard, aware, by the new angle to which he was already +responding, that Killigrew would have been disgusted rather than +impressed. Once in the courtyard, the freemasonry of young things +released from the pressure of grown-ups drew their eyes together. +Unconsciously Ishmael thrust his hands into the trouser pockets of his +new serge suit, in imitation of Killigrew, whose swagger was really a +thing inimitable. Something stirred in Ishmael which had hitherto been +unknown to him; it was not love, which in greater or lesser degree he +already knew--for he was an affectionate boy in his inarticulate way--it +was not merely an impulse for friendship; that would have been no alien +thing. It was the beginning of that relationship which only masculine +creatures ever really know, a relationship which is intimate without +ever making inroads on privacy; full of pleasure in companionship +without any feeling of a blank when apart; where love cannot be said to +exist, and yet of which, if the irrevocableness of death remove one of +the two, there remains to the other a void that is felt recurrently for +the rest of his life whenever anything arises which that other person +alone could have felt and appreciated in quite the same way. It was no +David and Jonathan friendship which grew between Ishmael and Killigrew +such as may sometimes be found among boys, but it was an intimacy that, +in its aloof way, was to add something to the pattern of their lives +that neither would have found without it. + +In after years, if Ishmael had examined into the thing, which he never +did, he would have seen that it was because, widely different as their +two natures were, each had a side that corresponded. For everyone has a +part of him, nearly always the larger, which is in relation with the +general run of the world, and also a part which is out of key with it. +Neither is more real than the other, though one is always bigger and +more insistent than the other, and in the relative proportions lies +every possibility. It was those parts of them which were out of key with +the ordinary acceptances that were attuned in Ishmael and Killigrew, +though neither was as yet aware they had such aspects, far less in what +measure. On that first afternoon and for several days afterwards they +were merely unthinkingly aware of a blind tolerance for each other that +rose more nearly to a warm respect over the matter of Killigrew's +badger. + +This attractive though violent animal lurked in a hutch artfully +concealed between the roof and the rafters at the far end of the +dormitory where Killigrew slept. A trap door gave admission to the dim +three-cornered place where heads had to be bowed for fear of the beams +and voices and footsteps tuned down as low as possible lest someone in +authority should overhear. For the badger was contraband, or so its +owner, for greater glory, chose to assume, though as a matter of fact it +was more than likely had permission been asked to keep the beast it +would have been accorded, for St. Renny had its reputation as the great +naturalists' school to keep up. Half the glamour surrounding the savage +pet would have vanished, however, and the secret was jealously guarded, +the badger himself, by his unconquerable stench, being the only person +likely to give it away. Luckily the hutch was not directly over the +dormitory, but right at the angle of the roof, where a low window, kept +always open by Killigrew, allowed the worst of the smell to be wafted +away. The increasing size of the badger and its consequent fierceness +were likely to make its ultimate retention impossible; even now, a mere +ball of striped fluff, it bit savagely whenever it was handled. + +Badgers, which are often erroneously supposed to be nearly extinct in +England, swarm over Cornwall, so that Killigrew's specimen did not enjoy +any special distinction as a rarity, save in its capacity as a "pet." +They are, however, very difficult to catch, being strong and cunning and +armed with terrific teeth and claws, and Killigrew was passionately +attached to his unyielding prisoner, not so much for its own sake as for +what it represented for him--outlawry, romance, the touch of the wild +which glorified life. Not on the first day was Ishmael accounted +worthy, or even safe, as a repository for this secret, but when +Killigrew did show it him, Ishmael rose in importance through his +intimate knowledge of badgers and their ways. + +"Wouldn't _He_ let you keep it if _He_ knew?" asked Ishmael, when, +finger and thumb round its neck and another finger firmly gripping under +a forepaw, he had held and admired the spitting animal. + +"Rather not. We're not allowed to _keep_ anything, though they make us +sweat across the moor what they call 'observing the animal creation in +its own haunts.' They like one to grind over beastesses and butterflies +and suchlike." + +"I know a lot about them," boasted Ishmael. + +"Then you'd better keep your mouth shut about it, that's all I can say, +or the fellows will think you're a prig. It was all right when it was +started because the fellows were keen on it themselves, but then the +masters took it up, and of course we had to drop it. We're off bugs in +this shop." + +Ishmael digested in silence the profundity of the point of view thus +presented to him, and, according to his habit, quickly made it part of +his practice. For his first weeks at school he kept very silent, +absorbing its traditions and the unwritten laws made by the boys +themselves, on the nice observance of which hung respect and popularity. + +The Grammar School of St. Renny was an old-fashioned affair even for +those days, but it had a certain name in a quiet way. It was run on +classical lines, Greek and Latin being considered the only two subjects +worth a gentleman's attention. Botany and entomology were the unofficial +subjects that had won the school its name, but Ishmael soon found that +to show any keenness for these two pursuits was to class yourself a +prig. The robuster natures preferred rod and line, or line only, in the +waters of Bolowen Pool to any dalliance with stink-pots and specimen +cases. Like far greater schools, it was really run by the traditions +evolved by the boys. There were certain things that were the thing and +certain other things that were not the thing, and these varied +occasionally. One term you simply had to wear a dark blue-and-white tie +for going into the town and bear's grease your hair; another term a +certain slovenliness in dress was the thing. You dismissed all womenkind +as trivial and useless, but you were in love with the doctor's daughter, +a stately, full-blown damsel who floated, so to speak, up the church +upon the swaying bubble of her crinoline every Sunday morning, and sat, +sunk to the waist in the swelling waves of silk, worshipped by a row of +eyes from the school pew. + +During the Sunday promenade around the churchyard--an unchanging +ritual--you manoeuvred to be the one of the couple passing her as she +came up the short path that bisected the circular one where you were +marching. The two boys who were leading had the advantage of being able +to set the pace more or less, but often they miscalculated the time of +her appearance, and then some other couple, by a judicious lagging for a +moment or a sudden quickening, achieved the meeting that after all was +no more than a furtive interchange of glances, supercilious or +almost-smiling on her part, according to her mood and the boy that +encountered it. None of the boys ever met the damsel in any other way, +except sometimes at a select party; but this adoration was a cult, +though a purely academic one, so to speak. The true goddess of the +school was far otherwise, as Ishmael was to find. + +Another feature of life at St. Renny was the weekly market-day. It was +forbidden to go into the town, it being placed out of bounds for the +occasion, and therefore to slip out and drink cider at the corner shop +and come back with your pockets stuffed with buns and solid country +sweets of gaudy hues was a deed that placed you high in the respect of +your fellows. Ishmael achieved this once as a matter of form, and then, +having no real interest in it, turned his attention to other matters. On +ordinary days the boys had a very real freedom, only limited by the hour +at which they must return, and Ishmael and Killigrew nearly always took +their rods and spent the half-holidays at Bolowen Pool, rarely catching +anything, for the trout were abnormally shy; but Ishmael at least had +the true fisherman's temperament, and was content to sit all day at one +end of a rod and line even without a fish at the other. As for +Killigrew, he was soon following where Ishmael led, and would have gone +bug-hunting with him had he so decreed, though he felt relieved that +Ishmael had cast such things aside. + +Ishmael was casting aside much these days. He was at that expanding age +which accepts what it is taught as good, but thinks it fine to throw it +over. Later comes the age of thinking for oneself and concluding that +whatever one has been taught is bad. Curiously enough the outward result +of the two states is the same. Only later comes the period of judicious +sifting, and by then characteristics, tastes, habits, have unwittingly +formed such bias that true poise is almost unattainable. Ishmael's +root-ideas were unchanged, but he conformed to all the fads of the +school, even, as he became more of a personage, adding to them, for his +inborn dread of ridicule prevented him from being an iconoclast and his +bent for dominance made some action, one way or the other, necessary. +The Parson sank more and more into the background, but there came over +the rim of his world a new figure that, oddly enough, filled much the +same place. + +On that first night at school, when the Parson had gone back home and +Ishmael lay in a narrow little bed, one of ten such, in the darkened +dormitory, he shed no tears for the Parson, or for his old companions, +nor yet for the strangeness of the new world where he might, in the +reaction from the first excitement, have been feeling lonely. He was too +solidly set on getting all that was possible out of his fresh life. But +in his most curious searchings into the likely future as he lay that +night for an hour or so upon a wakeful pillow, he did not picture +anything as delightful as, in after years, he was to realise Hilaria +Eliot had been for those boys who at the time so casually and +unthinkingly enjoyed her wayward companionship. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +HILARIA + + +"Point the toe, if you please young gentlemen; slide well forward and +bow to your partner from the waist.... Ruan, you have the air of a poker +trying to be graceful. Watch Killigrew and do as he does. Now, all +together please ..."; and the row of self-conscious boys bowed, gloved +hands upon severely jacketed chests, while as many little girls, aware +of doing the thing correctly and of not looking fools in the doing of +it, spread white tarletan skirts in starchy semi-circles by way of +reply. + +It was the weekly dancing class, when Mr. Pierre Sebastian Eliot, who on +other days taught French at the Grammar School, undertook to instruct +the boys in what he referred to as "the divine art of Terpsichore," a +habit which had earned for himself the simple nickname of "Terps." The +class was held in a spacious room used for balls, both subscription and +private, at the "George" Inn, and to it came not only those Grammar +School boys whose parents paid for this polite "extra," but also the +maidens from the gentle families of St. Renny and the neighbourhood. + +Ishmael was dancing opposite Hilaria Eliot, and his enjoyment of it lay +in knowing that Killigrew, who had basely tried to trip him up shortly +before, was suffering pangs of envy. After some four years of knowing +her, Killigrew was suddenly in love with Miss Eliot and didn't mind who +knew it. In fact, to be accurate, Killigrew's emotion was chiefly based +on a desire to be different from the rest of his world, and what was +the good of being different unless people knew it? + +Thus Killigrew--to Ishmael, who was growing vaguely aware of a +difference from his fellows that he could not remedy, the argument would +have had no force. Killigrew was neither of those St. Rennyites who +despised girls, nor of those who held the cult of the doctor's daughter, +that dizzy exemplar of fashion, nor of those others--a small band these +latter, made up of the best boys in the school, little and big--who +admired and liked Hilaria as a "good sort." Killigrew was determined to +be different, and so, like Burns, "battered" himself into love. If +Ishmael had been disposed to feel a tender sentiment for her himself, he +could not have cherished it with any comfort, being already cast by +Killigrew for the confidant of passion. Thus it came about that, though +in after years those stolen meetings between Hilaria and a ring of boys +would flash into his memory as being romance in essence, at the time +they held no more thrill for him than might be imparted by some new +novel--contraband in the perpetual war against grown-ups--that she would +bring to read aloud to them in some hollow of the moor. Always it was +from the angle of the third person--that most comfortable of +view-points--that he saw her. Only later by the light that lingered +round her ways did he know how she had stood for beauty. + +Now, as he watched her sway and dip before him, it only struck him that +she differed from the little misses on her either hand, but quite how, +except that he would have said she was jollier, more like a boy, he +couldn't have told. That indeed, translated from boy-like into +unmaidenly, was the town's chief complaint against her, or primarily +against her father. Mr. Eliot's position was not an easy one, and he did +nothing to make it easier. For he was half French, his mother having +been brought over as a little girl at the time of the Terror. There +were people still alive in the 'fifties and 'sixties who remembered the +Napoleonic wars and the shadow cast by that giant figure upon the world; +indeed, so slowly did thought move down in the far West that it might +almost have been said that St. Renny was just beginning to realise the +wars, and rather resented the fact that English and French had since +fought side by side in the Crimea. Also the vagaries of Napoleon III. +kept England in a perpetual state of distrust, in spite of the +championship of Lord Palmerston, then in his second Ministry. Mothers +still frighted their babes with the name of Boney, and the French were +still the hereditary enemies of all good Cornishmen, so many of whom had +gone to man the fleet that won at Trafalgar. The obscure feeling of +distrust that always stirs in the lower classes of remote districts at +anything alien did not, of course, extend to the educated people, but +Mr. Eliot, being poor and very eccentric, refused such championship from +his equals as might have been his. + +He lived with his daughter and an old housekeeper in a little cottage on +the outskirts of the town, and earned his living by teaching at the +Grammar School and giving private lessons in French, dancing, fencing, +and physical culture generally. It was this latter that caused him to be +looked on with so much suspicion as an eccentric. He actually made his +daughter, attired in a skirt that only reached to her knees, perform +inelegant feats on parallel bars and ladders, while he was wont to boast +that she could out-fence any boy at the school. She was an expert +swimmer too, and there were rumours, that at summer bathing excursions +she wore a somewhat similar garment to that of the gymnasium, instead of +one of those long serge gowns reaching to the ankles that ladies were +wont to disport themselves in amidst the surf--gowns in which it was +impossible to do anything but bob up and down at the end of a rope. + +It was curious that a man who was half a Frenchman should have been the +one to have such advanced ideas on female education, but then Mr. Eliot +was the son of a refugee, which says much. For those French aristocrats, +who never turned hand to a task in their lives till the Revolution, +lived to learn very differently after their flight. The farm and the +shop taught what the court had failed to impart, and the blood that +despite folly directs so truly in moments of extremity did not fail +them. The children who, had the course of events never been ruffled, +would have grown up in a vicious and futile court, were forced to +practise economies and learn at first hand the dignity of labour. With +those families who returned to the increasing viciousness which +culminated under Napoleon III. the lesson may not always have been +lasting, but for those who, like the forbears of Mr. Eliot, allied +themselves with their English hosts, and remained where they were, the +hard life of struggle, if the alliance had not been rich, continued the +new philosophy. Added to all this normal cause, Hilaria's father was +certainly an original, or rather one of those people considered so +because they are ahead of their time and condemned to misunderstanding +in consequence. + +None of it mattered to Mr. Eliot, who drifted about the world in a daze +that, had it been a happy one, would have made him an enviable man. As +it was, his invincible habit of over-sensitive gloom robbed him of the +detachment which is the most truly enviable of all the gifts of the +gods. He was a little man, beautifully made, with the high nose, the +tossed-back hair, the piercing look of the man at once prejudiced and +nervous. He lived wrapt in himself, and saw in his daughter more his own +hope in old age than a creature wonderful in her youth and vitality for +her own ends. When the crude heartlessness of the boys racked him or +the well-meaning advances of the gentry offended his alert vanity, it +was to Hilaria that he would turn in thoughts and words to attain that +measure of approbation without which his own self-love would have +languished of inanition. It was Hilaria who healed his hurts, though +with increasing difficulty. For there is little gulf, and that easily +bridged, between the very young child and the old man, but between the +adolescent and the old it is wide and deep. And she was eager where he +was retiring, confident where he was suspicious. With what of pity, +lovely but half-patronising too, did she solace him!... Between them lay +the gulf not only of a generation but of a different habit of thought, +of alien tastes, which not all his passionate clutching or her impatient +tenderness could bridge for more than a few moments of clinging together +against the world. None of this did he realise, neither did Hilaria, so +they were spared much unhappiness, merely fretting blindly without +knowing why. + +Hilaria was not a beauty, though she would be considered more nearly so +now than then, when a high forehead and well-sleeked hair were almost +necessities of life. Her low brow--truly Greek in its straightness and +the crisp ripple of her hair around it--was not in favour at that time. +The hair, which was of a dull ashen brown, was strained back tightly and +confined by a round comb. Her eyebrows, too straight for the period and +too thick, nearly met above the short, tip-tilted nose, freckled as a +plover's egg, and that at a time when no well brought-up damsel ventured +forth in the sun's rays without veil or parasol. Her face was deficient +in modelling, being one of those subtly concave faces not without a +fascination of their own, with an egg-like curve of prominent +delicately-square chin. Her mouth, too large, opened very beautifully +when she laughed over square thickly-white teeth. Her eyes were small +and of no particular colour, though bright with a birdlike shining +between the thick short lashes of a neutral brown. She had a something +boyish in poise and action that really made her charm, but that also set +her hopelessly out of her time. It was impossible to imagine Hilaria +happy in a crinoline, and she fought them fiercely, yet crinolines were +in full flower, and the one disported by the doctor's daughter of a +Sunday was the admiration and envy of the feminine members of the town. +"I should feel I was in a cage," quoth Hilaria at the suggestion that +she should trammel her long legs in such a contraption--unconsciously +hitting on the essential reason for the allure of crinolines. She had to +wear one now for dancing-class, as it made movement and spacing so +different; but other times she went her wilful way, short nose in air, +encouraged by the complacence of her father, who had no more knowledge +of what the country people called her "goings-on" than if he had lived +in an alien clime. + +Hilaria was a hoyden. She despised crinolines, girls, Macassar oil, +sewing, and deportment. She adored walking, fishing, boys, and climbing +trees. She did outrageous things with a genuine innocence that made the +most sensual of the boys careful not to take advantage of her in any bad +way. That she climbed out of her bedroom window at night to go and meet +some three of the boys from the Grammar School and with them test the +wishing pool on the moor on Midsummer Eve was proof of all these things, +and yet what a scandal it made in St. Renny when the fact leaked out!... + +Hilaria was at present going through a phase of "trying to be good," as +the bishop was coming to hold a confirmation, and only those accounted +worthy were to be confirmed. Her goodness was of that healthy elastic +kind natural to children, which never prevents them doing what they +wish, because they instinctively keep it in a compartment to itself. +There was no small curiosity about the mysterious rite amongst the boys +who were her especial friends, and it had become rather a point of +honour to be "done" together. Consequently Hilaria looked very demure as +she went through her steps with the mechanical ease of long practice and +the supple grace that was her own and yet had the adorable awkwardness +of her age in it. She was nearly sixteen, several months younger than +Ishmael, who was now just over that age, and who, owing to the +reputation for seriousness his secretiveness had earned for him, was one +of the candidates undergoing preparation with Old Tring. He had +apparently outgrown his fits of unbalanced talkativeness, and had +become, with the difficult years, one of those boys who speak with +almost comical rarity, and then with unemotional gruffness. This power +of reticence never fails to win respect, if of a half-irritated, +half-resentful order, and Ishmael held a certain position in the school. +Also as the ward of a parson he was supposed to "be good" and know about +such things as confirmations. As a matter of fact, he considered his own +Tractarian principles, rigidly inculcated by Boase, as superior to the +mild evangelical platitudes of Old Tring, and plumed himself +accordingly. He was just at that dangerous age, reached somewhat later +in the healthy normalities of school than it would have been had he +stayed eating his own thoughts at Cloom, when religion either falls away +entirely from a boy or flares up into a sudden vitality. Ishmael's blood +ran with too much of inherited aptitude for prayer for the former +pitfall to ensnare him, but the latter yawned beside him now and he +thrilled to its attractions. Sliding his stout, shiny shoe back and +forth with the stiff attempt at elegance so deprecated by Mr. Eliot, he +asked himself whether the Lord could really countenance such frivolity. +It was difficult to think of the things of the soul while so employed, +while on the moor, or by Bolowen Pool the thoughts came as naturally as +birds. Spring was in his blood and he called it faith, as later he would +call it love. + +Spring was in the low-browed room at the "George," pouring in at the +long windows and spilling in pools of hazy yellow upon the polished +boards. Spring was in the old garden outside, touching the warm tangle +of gillyflowers to fire, transmuting the pallor of the narcissus to +light itself, making the very shadows more luminous than a winter's +shining. The freakish sun, lit this and left that, after its habit, for +nowhere is more mysterious alchemy than the mixing of sun and shadow in +the spaces of the air. Ishmael's keen eyes could see how a spider's +thread, woven from one tall plant to another, and wavering ever so +delicately in the faint breeze, was one moment lit here and there to a +line of pure light that merged into nothingness and gleamed out again, +while a moment later it might have vanished entirely or else shine its +length. The midges, dancing in mid-air, were living sun-motes for one +flash, then were swallowed up as suddenly as though they had slipped +through into the fourth dimension. A pair of white butterflies, +pearly-grey or golden as they fluttered in and out of those invisible +chambers of the air that held sun or shade, chased each other in futile +circles; the flower-heads nodded in and out of the brightness; and in +the room the white girls dipped into the Danaean showers and back +through the dimness, coloured like the butterflies by the swift +transitions, swaying like the blossoms. If not only the spacing of the +light but also the waves of movements could have flashed out visibly +like the spider's threads the garden and the room would have shown full +of the lovely curves. + +And Ishmael felt the warm dazzle of the light and thought of the moor +and how in another half-hour or so the shadows would be long beside the +pool and the trout beginning to rise at their supper, and of how he +would like to be a holy hermit and live alone there with a dog and a gun +and a rod and God; while Killigrew was divided between trying to signal +a question to Hilaria and wishing he could paint the dim room with its +splashes of sun and wondering what colours he could get that would be +pure enough; and Hilaria was wishing Ishmael would give her a chance to +whisper to him the news she was burning to impart and not merely stare +at her and everything else with that blank gaze that always seemed to go +through her to the wall beyond. And most of the boys itched to get out +for an hour or so before supper, while the little girls thoroughly +enjoyed themselves and Mr. Eliot wished the whole lot of them, or +himself, elsewhere. At last the wheezy piano sounded its last note, the +faded lady who once a week thumped it for an hour and the sum of +two-and-sixpence gathered her shawl about her and tied the ribbons of +her bonnet beneath her pointed chin: the little girls were also +enshawled by prim figures who now materialised from the shadowy seats +where they had waited for this moment; and the boys, with a hurried +touching of caps to Mr. Eliot, went clattering out through the flagged +and panelled passage into the High Street. Hilaria, by the door, caught +Ishmael's sleeve as he rose from changing his shoes--he was always the +last when a fussy quickness was in question--and, ignoring the hovering +Killigrew, said in her low husky voice: + +"Tell them I can be on the moor in half an hour, will you? I must go and +take off this beastly thing first ..." She kicked a protesting leg +against the framework of her crinoline, that shot out in front of her +alarmingly. + +"Tell who?" asked Ishmael, densely. + +"All of them, of course. Killigrew and Moss minor and the Polkinghornes +and Carminow--not Doughty; I didn't like him last time--I don't know +why ..." She broke off and bent forward, her tones took on a thrill; +"I've got it," she announced. + +"The new number of 'The Woman in White'? Oh, Hilaria!..." + +"It wasn't easy, I can tell you, and we shall have to hurry with it, but +it's in my shoe-bag now." + +"Must you go home and change? It'll give us so little time. It's dark at +eight, and we have to be in to supper then, anyway." + +Hilaria hesitated, still slightly leaning forward like a great +full-petalled blossom heavy with approaching night. + +"I suppose I could manage.... Papa goes on to give a French lesson +before he comes home.... It would be awful if it tore though.... All +right, I'll risk it, but you'll all have to simply lug me over the +stiles. Fancy if I stuck in one all night!" Her laugh, husky as her +voice, gurgled out, and Mr. Eliot looked up from the packet of books he +was sorting at the end of the room. + +"Hilaria!" he said, half sharply, half plaintively. She swung round at +him with that beautiful sway only a crinoline can give, checking the +movement abruptly so that the full sphere of muslin went surging back +for another half-turn while her body stayed rigid. + +"Yes, Papa, I am ready. Can't you find all your right books?" And with +this adroit carrying of the war into enemy's country she deflected Mr. +Eliot's interest back upon himself, at no time a difficult task. + +A few minutes later, having stopped to spend her week's +pocket-money--only threepence--on a paper twist full of jumbles, she +might have been seen going in the direction of home, walking, for her, +sedately, and looking very lady-like with the important bulk of the +crinoline swelling out the mantle that made all women, from behind, seem +at least fifty. A few people who saw her said to themselves that +Eliot's maid seemed to be growing up at last, but they did not see her +when, arrived at the stile she would have passed severely by had she +been going home, she flung her shoebag over it and, boldly tilting up +the cumbrous hoops, scrambled over it herself, with a flashing display +of frilled cambric trousers and white legs terminating in kid boots. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +THE PLACE ON THE MOOR + + +The nearest way to the hollow on the moor that Hilaria had made her own +was a tiny track so overgrown with brambles and gorse as hardly to be +worthy the name, and on this particular evening, out of care for her +strange garb, she took a path which curved with some semblance of +smoothness in a wider arc. Thus Ishmael and Killigrew, who had got away +in advance of the others of the "Ring," came to the hollow before her +and, climbing up behind it, flung themselves on a boulder where they +could watch all approaches. It was a wonderful place, that which +Hilaria's feminine instinct for the right atmosphere had led her to +choose. The moor sloped slightly for a mile or so below it, and it was +not so much a genuine hollow as made to seem like one by the semi-circle +of huge boulders that backed it. Set below and almost within them, the +curving ground showed a more vivid green than the rest of the moor, as +of some elfin lawn held in an ancient enchantment by the hoar rocks. +They towered above, piled on and against each other as though flung by +freakish gods; from the fissures sprang wind-wilted thorns, now in young +leaf of a pure rich green, with thickly-clustered buds just breaking +into a dense snow of blossom. Periwinkles trailed down upon the turf, +and the closely set stonecrop made a reddish bloom on the lower +boulders, amidst bronze-hued moss, pale fragile scales of lichen, and +glossy leaved fibrous-rooted ivy, that all went to pattern their sullen +grey with delicate arabesques. The strongest note of colour was in the +wild hyacinths, that, where the earth had been disturbed at some time +and so given them a chance, made drifts of a deep blue that seemed +almost purple where they came against the paler azure of the sky. + +The boys climbed to the flat top of the highest boulder, where the +gorse-bushes, some still darkly green, some breaking into yellow flame, +thrust their strong clumps from the rocky soil to stretch in a level +sea, inset with tracts of heath and bracken, for miles around. The whole +arc of the sky, the whole circle of the world's rim, lay bare to the +eye, infinitely varied by clouds and cloud-shadows, by pasture and +arable, dark patches of woods and pallor of pools, by the lambent +burnish of the west and the soft purpling of the east, even by differing +weathers--here great shafts of sunlight, there the blurred column of a +distant shower, or the faint smear, like a bruise upon the horizon, of a +low-hanging mist. + +Killigrew lay on his stomach and gazed his fill, his thin nostrils +dilating rather like a rabbit's, as they always did if he were moved by +anything--a trick which, with his light eyelashes, had won for him the +name of "Bunny." Ishmael threw himself on his back and lay staring up at +the sky as it was slowly drawn past overhead, till with hard gazing the +whole world seemed spinning round him and the plummet of his sight was +drowned in the shifting heights that seemed to his reeling senses +bottomless depths. When Killigrew spoke he plucked his eyes from their +fixed stare with what was a physical effort and turned them giddily on +to the other boy's usually pale face, now copper-pink in the warm light. + +"Why d'you suppose she don't like Doughty?" asked Killigrew. + +"I dunno ...; he is rather a swine, anyway." + +"Yes, but how does she know that?" + +This was a poser, and Ishmael failed at an answer beyond a feeble "Oh, +well, because he is." + +"If he's been a cad to her--" muttered Killigrew, vengefully. + +"I don't know how he can have been; she's only seen him with us. But I +don't know what you'd do about it if he had; you can't lick him; he's +twice your size and weight." + +"Would you never fight unless you were sure of winning?" demanded +Killigrew scornfully. Ishmael thought a minute. + +"I think it is that I never fight until I'm sure of winning," he said at +last; "if I found I wasn't strong enough I wouldn't go in and be beaten; +I'd train hard till I was and then fight." + +"But that might take ages and you'd forget what you wanted to fight the +chap about." + +"I don't think I'd forget, if I'd wanted to fight him. I might, though, +I suppose...." + +"You're all wrong, you know," opined Killigrew; "'tisn't the winning +that really matters ... sounds silly, but I don't know how to explain +it." + +"Sounds like something the Parson would say--my Parson," said Ishmael on +one of his flashes of intuition; and then they both laughed, for +Killigrew was one of those rare creatures, a born pagan--or rather +heathen, which is not quite the same thing. The pagan has beliefs of his +own; the true heathen denies the need for any, through sheer lack of +interest. + +"D'you think girls are so very different from us ...?" went on Killigrew +after a moment's silence. "The sort of things they really want to do and +think about?" + +"Girls are quite different," said Ishmael firmly; "they talk awful rot; +I've heard my sister and Phoebe--that's a girl at home." + +"Yes, so does my sister--at least, she talks sort of clever stuff +that's as bad. But how about Hilaria?" asked her admirer. + +"Well, she's more sensible than most, because she wants to do things as +though she weren't a girl, but I don't see how she's going to keep it +up. She'll fall in love and then it'll all be over." + +"You don't think much of girls, do you?" + +"Oh, well ... they're all right, I suppose. I want to do things, and +girls want to feel things. Oh, yes, Bunny, they're awfully different." + +"From you, perhaps ... I dunno ... I say, d'you really want the old +bishop to lay his paws on your head?" + +"Yes," replied Ishmael, briefly. + +"Well, so does Hilaria. She read me some stuff out of a book--ripping +fine stuff it was--by a chap called Mallory. All about knights that were +searching for a cup they thought had the blood of God in it or something +of the sort. But she seemed to believe it." + +"I believe it, too. Not that they lived like that book, but that there +is the Blood ... Oh, what's the good of trying to explain to you? It's +like you when you're painting and you try and make me see a lot of +colours I can't." + +"Hullo ... there she comes," cried Killigrew, with a sudden quickening +of voice and aspect; "I say, it must be ghastly trying to walk in one of +those things. Girls must be different or they wouldn't put up with them. +I'll go and help her. Come on, we'll have to sit down below now." + +The two boys scrambled down the boulders and assisted Hilaria--the hem +of whose white tarlatan skirts showed already the worse for her +walk--over the hummocky patch of rocks and gorse that fringed the +hollow. Laughing rather ruefully, she flung herself down, scattering her +bonnet, shawl, and bag over the turf in the impetuous movement. The +lowest rim of the crinoline promptly stood straight up from the ground +like a hoop, displaying her long legs and the multitudinous petticoats +lying limply upon them, and she was forced to adopt a change of +position. Finally she settled herself with her feet tucked in under her +and the obnoxious garment swelling out all round, as though she had just +flopped down and made what the children call a "cheese." + +"I say, where's the magazine?" asked Ishmael. + +"In my bag; but you're not to 'look on.' Here are some jumbles, but we +must keep the others' share for them. Did you get them all, Ishmael?" +For some reason best known to herself, she called him by his Christian +name and Killigrew by his nickname of "Bunny," though she addressed the +other boys in mannish fashion of surnames only. + +"I told Polkinghorne minor and told him to let the others know." + +"Did you remember to tell him we didn't want Doughty?" + +"I think so ... at least I didn't say to ask him to come," confessed +Ishmael, who had the worst head in the world for a message. + +"Here they are," announced Killigrew; "I think there're only four of +them ..." He screwed up his eyes to gaze, for he was short-sighted. +Ishmael gave a glance. + +"There's five ..." he said apologetically; "I'm afraid he's there. I can +see Polkinghorne and Carminow and Polkinghorne minor and Moss minor +and--yes, it's Doughty. I hope you don't mind fearfully, Hilaria?" + +She threw a queer little look at him. "It's not for me," she said +slowly; "it's only that I don't think he likes you, Ishmael. He tried to +tell me something funny about you the other day. He comes to papa for +extra coaching in French, you know, and I had to give him tea...." + +"About me--?" Ishmael stared blankly, then, more from some premonition +than anything else, grew slowly and burningly red. The colour ebbed +away, leaving him pale. "What was it?" he asked. + +"Nothing. At least, I honestly don't know what. Papa shut him up. He +said to him he was no gentleman to say such things before a _jeune +fille_--" She broke off, feeling she had hardly improved matters. A +deadly suspicion that had once before knocked on Ishmael's heart and +been refused more than a second's glance for sheer incredibility pounded +at him again, making the blood sing in his ears. Nothing heard at school +or from the Parson--who had long perturbed himself as to the right +moment for explanations--had started those first warning notes, but +words freely bandied across his head at home as a little boy, and then +meaningless to him--words that had since echoed back on to fuller +knowledge ominously. If it had not been that Archelaus, the free-speaker +and the vindictive One of the family, was still in Australia, and that +Ishmael spent a large part of his holidays with friends of the Parson's +in Devon and Somerset, the conspiracy of secrecy, wise or unwise, could +not have lasted so long. He stared at Hilaria and his fingers dug into +the turf at either side of him. + +At that moment Killigrew relieved the tension by jumping up and calling +a wild, long-drawn "Hullo-o" to the approaching boys. They came running +up the slope and flung themselves down in a circle, while Polkinghorne +major, a big, jolly, simple-minded boy, one of the best liked in the +school, laid audacious hands on the bag, which Hilaria snatched from him +with a shriek. + +Doughty had ensconced himself by her, crowding between her and Ishmael +to do so, a manoeuvre which the latter, rather to Doughty's surprise, +did not seem to resent. This was the more odd as the boys had several +times already, both in school and out of it, come into conflict over +trifling matters, not so much from any desire to quarrel as because +they were by nature extremely antipathetic. Ishmael disliked Doughty and +took little trouble to hide the fact. He hated his pasty sleekness, +which made him think of a fat pale grub, and he hated the way the elder +boy hung round Killigrew; not from jealousy--Ishmael still cherished +aloofness too dearly for that--but from some instinct which told him +Doughty was evil. Killigrew lay opposite Doughty now, looking oddly +girlish with his slim form and colourless face, that would have been +insipid but for his too red mouth. There was a white incisiveness about +Killigrew, however, a flame-like quality quaintly expressed in his hair, +that promised the possibility of many things, and showed up sharply in +comparison with the gross but hard bulk of Doughty. There had been no +real reason till this evening, when Hilaria had told of his +evil-speaking, for Ishmael to dislike Doughty, but now he knew that he +had done so all along. + +Doughty hated Ishmael because he did not understand him, and he was of +the breed which hates the incomprehensible. Though he had only joined +the preceding term, Doughty was nearly seventeen, and owing to a spinal +weakness of his youth he had till now been educated at home. He came +from Devonshire, which would not have mattered had he been popular, but +which, as he was not, was frequently thrown at him as a disadvantage. +Now, as he lay beside Ishmael, he stared at him with a something slyly +exultant in his look, but the younger boy failed to meet his eyes and +merely gazed serenely into vacancy. Hilaria settled herself, opened the +bag, and disentangled from the ribbons of her dancing shoes the precious +number of _All the Year Round_ that contained the instalment of "The +Woman in White" they had all been so eagerly awaiting. + +The boys left off fidgeting and became mouse-still, while only the low +voice of the girl reading of the helpless lovers, of the terrible +smiling Count Fosco and his grim wife, broke the silence. The boys lay, +thrilled by the splendid melodrama, their little differences forgotten +with the rest of their personal affairs, and so they all stayed, Hilaria +as enthralled as they, while unperceived the light began to fade and +evening to creep over the moor. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +SOME AMBITIONS AND AN ANNOUNCEMENT + + +Hilaria read on till, though she held the page close to her eyes, she +seemed to fumble over the words. She was by then at the end of the +instalment, and when she put the magazine down she pressed her fingers +to her lids and complained that her eyes hurt her. "They often do," she +said; "it's a good thing I'm not going to be an artist like Bunny or the +hero of this story, isn't it?" She dropped her chin into her cupped +palms and sat staring ahead, her eyes shining for all their smarting +lids. "Isn't it, funny," she went on, "that we're all going to be +something, some kind of a person, and don't really know a bit what kind? +Yet I feel very much me already...." + +"I'm going to be a soldier," said Polkinghorne, serenely missing any +metaphysical proposition. He looked forward, on the strength of a +Scottish mother, to joining a Highland regiment, and was known to shave +his knees twice a week to make them of a manly hairiness against the +donning of a kilt. + +"I shall have to go into the City like my guv'nor, I suppose," admitted +little Moss, "but I don't see why one shouldn't be the kind of chap one +wants all the same. Your father's in the city, too, isn't he, +Killigrew?" + +"Yes, but that's no reason why I should be, and I'm jolly well not going +to. I'm going to be an artist like Turner...." And Killigrew's voice +unconsciously took on a singing inflection of rapture. + +"There's no doubt about old Carminow, anyway," observed Polkinghorne, to +be greeted with laughter. For Carminow, though the gentlest of +creatures, took an extraordinary delight in all the agonies of human +nature. Mine accidents had hardly occurred before Carminow, by some +subtle agency, seemed aware of them, and had rushed to the scene, out of +bounds or not. It was with genuine simplicity that he once bewailed the +fact that it had been "an awfully dull half--no one had been killed for +miles around." It was he, too, on the occasion of a terrible tragedy in +the High Street, when Teague the baker had been killed by the lashing +hoofs of his new horse, who had rushed out to superintend the removal of +the body. The widow, clamorous with her sudden grief, had seized his +arm, exclaiming "Oh, Master Carminow, whatever shall I do; whatever +shall I do?" and, in all good faith he, his soul still unsatisfied by +the view of the corpse, had replied kindly: "Do? Why, Mrs. Teague, if I +were you I should have him opened...." + +The story had lived against Carminow, and when in doubt about any course +of action he was always advised to "have it opened." He did not join now +in the laugh, but said seriously, failing, as always, to pronounce the +letter "r": + +"Of course I shall be a doctor. Last holidays I went a lot to Guy's +where I have a chum, and I saw a lot of dissecting. Do you know that +when they dissect 'em they stick a sort of squirt in their chests and +dwaw off all the blood? I've got a theowy that I mean to put into +pwactice some day. It seemed to me such a shame that all that good blood +should go to waste like that, and it occurred to me what a splendid +thing it would be if, instead of doing nothing with murdewers but kill +'em, they dwew off their blood while it was still warm and pumped it +into famous men, gweat generals and people like that, who were getting +old and feeble. Most murdewers are thundewing stout fellows, you know." + +"How horrid you are, Carminow!" cried Hilaria. "I shouldn't think a +great man would at all like having a murderer's blood in his veins. I'm +sure my darling Lord Palmerston wouldn't." + +"Oh, I don't say it's possible at pwesent," replied Carminow placidly, +"but when surgeons know their business it will be. One must look at +these things from a purely utilitawian standpoint." + +Ishmael said nothing. He was lying on his back again, folded arms +beneath his head, staring at the glory of the west that had passed from +liquid fire to the feather-softness of the sun's aftermath. The presence +of the others hardly impinged on his consciousness; vaguely he heard +their voices coming from a long way off. One of his moods of exaltation, +that only the very young know, was upon him--a state which amounts to +intoxication and to recapture any glow of which older people have to be +artificially stimulated. That is really the great dividing-line--when +the sparkle, the lightness, the sharpened sense which stimulates brain +and tongue and feeling, ceases to respond without a flick of help from +the right touch of alcohol. That intoxication of sheer living was upon +Ishmael now, as it had been on that long-ago evening when the Neck had +been cried, as it had a few times since, with music, or a windy sun, or +a bathe in rough sea, or some sudden phrase in a book. A something +glamorous in the light, the low accents of Hilaria's voice and the +stirring quality of what she read, the reaction, had he but known it, +from the shock of suspicion occasioned by what she had told him, the +cumulative effect of the exalted thoughts of the past weeks, all these +things, added to his own rising powers and urgent youth, welled within +him and mounted to his brain. He felt tingling with power as he lay +there, apparently lax; it seemed to him he could hear the blood leaping +in his veins and the beating of his pulses all over his body, could +hear the faintest sound of calling lamb or far-off owl, could catch, +with ears refined to a demigod's, the ineffably quiet rubbing of the +millions of grass-blades, as though he could almost hear the evening +falling.... From afar came the babble of the others as to what they +might think they were going to be; for himself he could be anything, +scale any heights, beat triumphantly through all things. He felt the +swelling earth bearing him up, as though he were one with its strength +and fertility, one with its irresistible march. He felt the sword-chill +breath of the spring wind on his brow; he saw the first faint pricking +of the earliest stars, and the rolling up of the sky as the great cumuli +massed overhead; and he felt as though he too could sweep into them and +be of them. Life was before him for him to do what he liked with. He +laughed aloud and rolled over a little, flinging his arms wide. A +stinging blow came on his cheek, and he heard Doughty's angry voice +crying, "Take that!" and a sharp sound from Hilaria. + +"Well, what's he want to laugh at me for? I'll teach him--" came +Doughty's voice again. Ishmael had scrambled up; his blood was still +singing in his veins; he felt no dismay at the sight of the looming +Doughty. + +"Don't be an ass, Doughty," said Polkinghorne sharply; "and if you can't +help being a cad, wait till Miss Eliot isn't present." + +"Oh, never mind about me; I want to see you _kill_ him, Ishmael!" cried +Hilaria viciously. + +"Well, why did you want to laugh when Doughty said that?" asked +Polkinghorne judicially. + +"Said what?" asked Ishmael. + +"Why, that he was just going to be a gentleman." + +"Did he say that? I didn't hear him. But I should have laughed if I had...." + +Killigrew stared at his friend in amazement. Was this the Ishmael who a +half-hour or so ago had put forward the theory that one should never +fight till one was sure of winning? He did not know that the wine in +Ishmael's brain at that minute was the headiest in the world, the most +sure in imparting sense of power--the sudden up-welling of the joy of +life. It was Doughty's turn to laugh now; he seemed suddenly to have +recovered poise. + +"I forgot--you'd be such a good judge of a gentleman--with your family +history," he said. + +The singing went from Ishmael's being, but something hot came up through +him like a tide. "What d'you mean by that?" he asked, and still in his +passionate dislike of the other did not see what was opening at his +feet. + +"Only that a fellow with a pack of bastard brothers must have had just +the father and mother to teach him...." + +There was a moment's silence; the boys all felt intensely uncomfortable, +not so much even at Hilaria's presence as at this sudden nakedness of +thought and emotion. Doughty, set on justifying himself at least as far +as accuracy went, held on. "I heard it at once when I went to my uncle's +at Penzance last holidays. Everyone knows it down there. Of course Ruan +knew it all along; he's been kidding all you fellows. He's no right in a +school for gentlemen at all. His father married his mother when he was +dying and all the brats but him were already born. That's why Ruan's +being brought up a gentleman--because he's the only one who's not a +bastard." + +"Shut your foul mouth," ordered Polkinghorne angrily. "Hilaria, let +me--" + +"It's not true," cried Hilaria. "Tell them it's not true, Ishmael." + +Killigrew had the quicker instinct. "What does it matter if it's true or +not?" he asked. "We all know Ruan, and we think he's an awfully nice +chap, and nothing else is any affair of ours. We don't care what +Doughty's father and mother are, because we don't like him; we don't +care what Ruan's are because we do like him. Personally, I don't see why +Ruan should mind either. The thing doesn't alter him at all." + +But that was exactly what Ishmael felt it did, though how he could not +yet have told. Although he never doubted what he heard, it seemed to him +like a dream that he had dreamt long ago and forgotten. It was a curious +sense of unreality that impressed him most, that feeling of "This cannot +really have happened to me ..." that everyone knows in the first moment +of disaster. It was this sensation, not any temporising or actual +disbelief, that kept him still motionless, staring. Polkinghorne began +to feel the proprieties outraged by this immobility. + +"I say," he began, "you can't take no notice ...; he's said things about +your people, you know--about your mother ..." + +For in common with many male creatures, men and boys, Polkinghorne, +though not feeling more than others any particular sentiment beyond +affection for his mother, yet held the point of honour, perhaps dating +from ancient days of matriarchy, that an insult to one's mother was the +deepest to oneself. Ishmael, too honest to be influenced by this +consideration, yet felt constrained by the weight of public opinion. +Also he was still upon the uplift of his mood; his blood tingled the +more for the mental shock that had numbed his reasoning faculties. As in +his turn he hit Doughty's cheek he felt a little glow at his own +carelessness of consequences. Polkinghorne was beginning to feel +worried, because seen together it was plain that the big Doughty +overtopped Ishmael by nearly a head. Suddenly he had an inspiration and +threw himself between them as Doughty swung out at the younger boy, +thereby incidentally getting the blow himself. + +"I'll lick you for that later, Doughty," he ejaculated. "Meanwhile, +kindly shut up while I say something. Ruan can't fight you--" + +"Can't he? Then what did he hit me for?" + +"I can fight him all right, thanks," said Ishmael. + +"But he can wrestle you," went on Polkinghorne imperturbably, "because +he's a clever wrestler and he'll stand a fair chance. You can take it or +leave it, but if you leave it I'll give you a thrashing for the honour +of the school." + +A murmur of assent came from the others, who saw an impossibly difficult +situation thus in a way to be solved as far as the two principals in the +quarrel were concerned, while to themselves it gave time to adjust their +attitude, which they did not all take as simply as had Killigrew. In a +fight Doughty's superior size would have given him all the advantage; in +the West Country method of wrestling this would not necessarily hold +true. And Ishmael was in far better condition. + +Polkinghorne turned to Hilaria. + +"Someone will see you home, of course," he said politely. "I shall have +to stay as stickler, and Carminow as well, but I'll send Moss and the +young 'un with you. And mind you keep your jaws shut about it when you +get back to the school, you two." + +Polkinghorne minor and Moss both looked considerably taken aback, but +not more so than Hilaria. "Oh, I must stay, Polkinghorne," she pleaded, +feeling for the first time a terrible sensation of not being wanted, of +an unimportance essential to her sex and beyond her power to alter +whatever her tastes or her justifiable reliance on her own nerves. But +Polkinghorne, backed by Killigrew and Ishmael himself, was adamant, +though Carminow saw no reason why she should not stay if it interested +her. They stood waiting till her crinoline, like a huge piece of blown +thistledown, had swayed around a curve of the path which hid it and the +two little boys from sight, and then they prepared for business. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE WRESTLING + + +It was growing swiftly dusk, though the amphitheatre of turf where the +boys stood, cupped the last of the light from the west, backed as it was +by the semi-circle of tall rocks. + +Polkinghorne made a quick survey of the place, then placed his men so +that the light fell sideways, not directly upon either face. + +"Shoes off, Doughty!" he ordered. "None of your nasty Devonshire ways +here!" For the Devon rules admit kicking, and that with shoes, while +Cornish, though allowing leg-play, insist it should be in stocking-feet, +and consist of tripping and locking only. The whole West Country style +of wrestling differs enormously from the North Country, in which Ishmael +would have stood a poor chance against an opponent so much his superior +in size. In the West they play for a hitch, instead of trying for a fall +by sheer strength and weight, and if the smaller wrestler has a stock of +good holds, and can only get under his opponent quickly enough, he may +bring off the "flying mare," the great throw clear over the shoulder. +Leg-play is the great feature, even in Cornwall, where prominence is +given to the hug, and Ishmael had very strong legs, though his shoulders +were not so heavy as Doughty's. + +He took his stand opposite Doughty. He had never wrestled with him +before, but he had had much practice with boys of all builds. He eyed +him closely and knew his best chance lay in trying to rush him so as to +get under him and with a good inside lock of the leg trip him up. In +shoulder play he would otherwise stand small chance with one so much +taller. Doughty's best plan would be to stand off him, a thing not +possible in North Country wrestling. In the West a special jacket of +strong linen is worn for the taking of hitches, and Polkinghorne made +the two boys pull out their shirts as the nearest approach to it. All +was arranged to the satisfaction of the three who were acting as +"sticklers," and in what seemed to Ishmael the flashing of a moment he +and Doughty were crouching, cat-like, opposite each other, legs bent, +arms out, hands tense. They stood so for what seemed minutes, though it +was only a fraction of the time that had gone in the preparations. +Ishmael felt no fear of Doughty; exhilaration was still strong enough +within him to eliminate that dread, though the fear of losing that +always pricks at the fighter was not quite deadened. He circled, still +in that cat-like attitude, Doughty circling also, both waiting to +spring. Ishmael was intensely aware of superficial physical +sensations--the tense feeling in his skin, and under the soles of his +feet the hardness of the ground. He spread his feet a little and moved +his toes against the grass. All his muscles were on the alert, and +suddenly, from acute consciousness of every fibre of his body, he passed +to a splendid lightness, a complete ignoring of anything but poise and +spring. In that moment, so swiftly on the edge of the first circling +movement that Doughty, the slower of communication from brain to limbs, +thought it the same, he had rushed for his hitch. + +He got him by the sleeve, and Doughty, surprised at the quick hold, +shyed away, but could not twist out of it. He grappled Ishmael more +closely to try and get full shoulder-play, but the only result was that +each obtained a hitch on the arm and breast of the other's shirt. The +"flying mare" was now out of the question for Ishmael this round, but +with a dexterous twist of his leg he got an inside lock on his +opponent's, and the next moment Doughty was sprawling. He was up the +second after, and, since his shoulders had not touched the ground, the +fall counted for nothing, and this time he rushed in at Ishmael. He was +very angry. + +He stooped more, so as to keep his legs out of Ishmael's reach, and the +two strained to try and over-balance each other's body, using the +ordinary arm and breast hold. Ishmael, after a few moments of this +immobile straining, let go Doughty's arm to seize him by the back of the +collar, and Doughty, profiting in a flash by the steeper angle of +inclination, caught him square under the arms and raised him bodily in +the air. + +Ishmael hung on grimly, making no effort to disengage himself, which +would only have given Doughty the further purchase needed to throw him. +Instead he began to work round in the other's arms. As soon as he had +sufficient twist on his hips he entwined his feet round Doughty's knees, +and with an effort that caused the blood to suffuse his face and +neck--for Doughty was fighting the movement with relentless pressure--he +got himself, by the hold his legs gave him, round so that his shoulders +instead of his chest were against the chest of his upholder. He flung +his arms backwards round Doughty's fore-arms, thus keeping himself +pressed upon the other, his stomach arched outwards, his legs curled +back each side round the other's knees, his arms, also backwards, +pressing the other's torso in a curve that followed and supported his +own with the disadvantage of having his full weight upon it. + +They stayed apparently motionless, breathing heavily, save for that +laboured sound seeming like wrestlers of bronze. Slowly Doughty began to +feel his balance slipping from him under the full weight of Ishmael upon +his chest and stomach; his spine felt as though if it curved a fraction +more it would crack. He could not move his feet for the strong coil of +Ishmael's legs around his, and he knew that in a moment more he must +fall backwards with the weight still upon him. The only joints in which +he still had play were his ankles; stiffening them he began to incline +forwards. Slowly the interlocked bodies, like a swaying tower, came up +and up, till the watchers caught their breath wondering what would +happen to the one who was undermost in the fall if both stayed so +unyielding. + +But Ishmael, whose brain was working with that clarity only attained +when it is responding to trained instinct, almost mechanically relaxed +his grip on the other's spine when he felt the angle coming forward, +then, using all his nerve, he waited--waited till the forward angle, in +which he was the underneath, had become acute, till the momentum of the +fall had begun. Then he relaxed his grip on one of Doughty's legs, at +the same time forcing the other outwards with all the strength of his +foot and leg. Doughty had to unstiffen a knee to prevent himself coming +taut and prone on the ground, and a hard shove with Ishmael's elbow, +thrown backwards against his shoulder, combined with the leg-play to +send him spinning sideways. The momentum was too great for him to +regulate the fall, and he came fairly on both shoulders, while Ishmael, +who had been thrown forwards on one knee, picked himself up and stood +reeling slightly but unhurt. + +The sticklers ran forward to help Doughty to his feet, but he lay +motionless, eyes closed. In his mind, as he lay there, worked the +thought that he did not wish either to go on with the fight or to let +Ishmael triumph as at an easy victory. He would frighten him, frighten +them all, by making out he was very badly hurt. His spine, that would +do.... Opening his eyes he murmured, "My back ... my back ..." and made +as though trying to move. A terrible pang shot through his spine as he +did so. His next cry was a scream of real pain and fear. The tears +gathered in his eyes with his rage and terror. He cried, "You've done +for me; you've broken my back! Oh, my back; curse you, my back!..." + +The others were terrified. For the second time that evening Ishmael was +seized by the awful feeling of irrevocableness, of an impossible thing +having happened and of it being still more impossible to undo it. + +It had become dark with an effect of suddenness to those who had been +intent on other things than the progress of the night; and it seemed to +Ishmael that the whole world was narrowed to a circle of dim moor, in the +midst of it that white thing crying about its back--always its back.... + +Carminow, the least perturbed, insisted on raising the sufferer to his +feet, and it was found, after much protest on his part, that he could +walk slowly with support on either side. It only remained to get him +back to the school somehow and in at the side door to his bed and the +ministrations of the matron if not the doctor. + +The little procession began to move off, Polkinghorne and Carminow, the +two biggest, carrying Doughty on their crossed hands, and progressing +with a slow sideways motion, trying not to stumble over the uneven +ground. Killigrew ran on ahead to warn the matron and urge her to +silence, in case the injury might turn out to be but slight after all. + +A miserable loneliness fell upon Ishmael. He had won, and none of the +sweets of victory were his. He lagged behind. There was a rustle at his +side, and Hilaria's hands were round his arm. + +"What on earth--" he began--angry, confused, aware that tears were +burning in his eyes. + +"Don't be cross.... I had to stay. I was up on the boulders. Oh, +Ishmael, have you killed him?" + +The question jangled his frightened nerves, and he answered sharply, +telling her he neither knew nor cared, even while he was shaking with +the fear lest what she suggested might be true. "I'll say something to +those youngsters for having let you stay," he added, catching sight of +Polkinghorne minor and Moss, where they hesitated in the shadows. + +"As though they could have prevented me!" she said, with swift scorn. He +looked at her more closely, struck by a something strange about her, and +saw that her skirts no longer swelled triumphantly on either side, but +fell limply, and so long that she had to hold them up when she took a +step forward by his side. + +"I couldn't climb on the boulders in it," she said, answering his look. +"I made the boys turn their backs and I took it off." + +"Well, I imagine you can't go home without it," said Ishmael wearily. He +supposed he would have to see her home, for it was already past the time +for the younger boys to be in. He felt he hated girls and the bother +that they were. + +"Cut off in, you two," he ordered; "and mind, if you blab about Hilaria +having been here I'll baste you." + +They promised eagerly, and Hilaria thanked him in a subdued voice. She +went through the darkness to where she had left her crinoline. They +found it lying, wet with dew, a prostrate system of ugly rings, held +together by webbing. It looked incredibly naked, a hollow mockery of the +portentous dome it had stood for in the eyes of the world. + +He slung it over one shoulder without a word, inwardly resenting +bitterly the touch of the ludicrous it gave to the evening's happenings, +and almost silently he went with the stumbling girl towards the town, +only leaving her at the corner of her lane. She thanked him with a new +shyness, and taking the cumbrous emblem of her inferiority over her left +arm, held out her strong hard little right hand to him. + +"Don't think it horrid of me to have stayed," she pleaded. "It was that +I so wanted you to win ... I was afraid ..." + +"It was very--very unladylike," began Ishmael, then paused. Till that +moment he and she had equally despised anything ladylike.... Now he had +become a man, with a man's dislike of anything conspicuous in his +womenkind. Something of the woman came to Hilaria, but whereas with him +adolescence had meant the awakening of the merely male, with her it +brought a first touch of the mother. She urged her own cause no more. + +"Don't worry, Ishmael," she said. "Father has often told me of people +hurting their backs wrestling and doing things like that, and he says +it's very seldom anything. If it is they can't walk at all, and he +walked quite well. Besides, I know he's pretending it's worse than it is +to upset you; he's that sort...." + +Ishmael felt a little pang of gratitude, he gripped her hand, muttered a +"good-night," and was off through the darkness. But he did not go back +to the school for an hour yet. He was in for such trouble an hour more +or less after time made no difference, and he was past thinking in terms +of the clock. He had grown up violently and painfully in a short space, +and ordinary methods of measuring time mean very little to one who has +crowded years of growth into one evening. He walked about the moor till +physical exhaustion drove him in, where Old Tring, with a glance at him, +gave him hot brandy and water and sent him to bed with hardly a word. +Not till next day did Ishmael notice he was lame in one knee. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +THE WIND UPON THE GRASS-FIELD + + +A week after the fight Ishmael went over the moor to the sea. Everything +was very still, even his footsteps were soundless on the thick turf. It +was one of those days filled with a warm mist, so fine it cannot be +observed near at hand, but always seeming to encircle the walker, as +though he carried some charm to make a hollow space around him where the +breath of the mist may not live. Yet, out in it for long, the clothes +become sodden, while every grass-blade and leaf can be seen to hold its +burden of a glittering drop, though the earth itself remains dry and +powdery and on the hard, pale roads the dust lies all day, as though the +actual soil were not of the texture to respond to a mist so fine. + +Not a breath blew the vaporous clouds in the wreaths that usually change +shapes while one watches, and the long drifts in the valley at Ishmael's +feet hung motionless in the air, the dark side of the opposite slope +showed here and there, crossed by the pale zig-zag of the path. He went +on to the cliff's edge; far below at its foot the sea, lost further out, +was visible, motionless and soundless, save for the faint rustle where +it impinged upon the cliff in a narrow line of white. No outward pull or +inward swell of the sea's breast was visible; it was as though that fine +edge of murmurous whiteness were always made of the same particles of +water, hissing perpetually along the cliff's foot. + +Ishmael lay down on the damp young bracken and listened to the stillness +that was only pierced by the rare wail of a syren far out to sea and +the steady moan of the horn from the lighthouse. He felt as dead as the +world seemed, as grey, as lost to all rousing; and, ignorant of +reactions, wondered why, and whether henceforth he would always be like +that. + +He was suffering from too much fuss. In the days which had elapsed since +the wrestling bout on the moor Doughty's injury had seemed likely to +prove a bad sprain, but there had been a terrible twenty-four hours when +the doctor, a portentous person with more pessimism than knowledge, had +wagged his head forebodingly over the moaning patient. Doughty had felt +it was not in nature for anyone to be severe on a boy with an injured +back, and so he babbled freely, under cover of a pretended delirium, +feeling it was better to let his version get first to Old Tring. For he +guessed how that personage, always one to examine the springs of action +before judgment, would look at his share in the matter. Dr. Harvey had +asked for a famous Plymouth surgeon to be sent for, and this afternoon +he had arrived. On his verdict as to Doughty's condition depended +Ishmael's own fate, and he knew it. For, whatever the provocation, the +fact remained that Ishmael had injured a schoolfellow in a wrestling +match admittedly serious in its intent, and the discipline of the school +had to be considered, all the more rigidly that many rumours, mostly +untrue, had circulated in the school. Old Tring had suspended judgment, +merely sending for Boase, who had arrived one evening at St. Renny +covered with smuts and giving freely his opinions about the railway, on +which, for motives of Christian poverty, he had been rash enough to +travel in one of the unroofed third class compartments. + +And, for the first time in his knowledge, Ishmael was aware that the +Parson had not quite understood. It was not that he did not understand +what Ishmael felt as much as that he expected him to feel so much more +than he did. Ishmael loathed a fuss. Yet the Parson had been a rock of +support; Old Tring had been generosity itself; Polkinghorne and +Carminow, even the little boys, had held their tongues and let him see +that for their part they intended to think no more of what Doughty had +said. Killigrew had treated the whole affair as something between a joke +and a matter so unimportant it made really no difference to anyone. And +of all the attitudes it was Killigrew's, in the revulsion from fuss, +that Ishmael was beginning to adopt as his own. The only burning thing +he felt about his position was anger--an anger against his father in the +first place and against Archelaus, oddly enough, in the second. He knew +that his eldest brother would do all in his power to make life as +difficult as possible when he went back to take up the reins at Cloom. +With that burning grudge went another sensation--the realisation that if +all things had been otherwise, been normal, Cloom would, after all, +never have been his, and he was struck by a certain unfairness that it +should be his now. + +But of any shame at his position he felt none, and it was this that +apparently he was expected to feel by all save Killigrew. They were all +so eager to make him understand that there was nothing for him to feel +ashamed about, that no one thought any the less of him or wanted him to +think any less of himself. Ishmael began to discover what he never, +being very un-self-analytical, fully realised, that he was one of those +elect souls born without that gift of the Evil One--shame. Some attain +that freedom by hard striving, but some are born free, and of them was +Ishmael. + +Now, as he lay upon the cliff, all the embarrassment he felt was at this +set of emotions that was expected to rack him and did not. He was not +yet old enough to have the courage of his lack of convictions, and he +feared he had failed in something a finer creature would have responded +to. He rolled over on to his elbows and stared at the pale faces of a +clump of wet primroses that stared back at him with an equal innocence +of emotion. Beyond them the wild violets gleamed like faint blue flames, +and the tightly-curled fronds of young bracken showed silvery grey +amongst the litter of last year's stalks that lay in patches of a dead +burnt-orange upon the grey-green turf. Ishmael spread his fingers wide +and plunged them in the primroses, in the grass, in the loose soil, for +the pleasure of their soft, clean textures. He rubbed his face in them +like a young animal, and drew in deep breaths of the best smell in the +world--the smell of damp, green growing things. He turned on to his back +again. The mist had begun to waver, a breath was stirring fitfully but +finely. It came cool upon him, and as it blew the world seemed very +gently to come to life again. He could see what he had come to look at +and overshot in the mist--the little harbour of Povah lying to his left. +He rolled over and stared curiously at its stone jetties and clustered +shipping. There were a couple of schooners used in the china-clay trade +lying at the quayside; at anchor was a barquentine, a big bluff-bellied +tramp of a creature, black with coaldust, and beyond her again what was +still a rare sight in those parts--a steamer. She was a side-wheeler, +with a thin raking funnel, and was square-rigged on her fore-mast, +fore-and-aft on her mizzen. A little crowd stood on the end of the quay +to stare at her, and it was on her that Ishmael too fixed his eyes; then +he scrambled up and made his way diagonally down the cliff to the +harbour. + +It had occurred to him to run away to sea. He was of the land and knew +nothing about ships, but he had often read of boys who ran away to +sea--they shipped as cabin-boys and often were killed by the rough life +or never heard of again. A sick wave of self-pity flooded Ishmael as he +thought of it. He whose salvation was that he so seldom saw himself from +the outside--unlike Killigrew, the feeder on emotion, now was aware of +the poetic fitness of the story--the proud boy who sooner than live with +dishonour had left home and friends to face the wide world and roam, a +veritable Ishmael. Adventure began to call to him; the salt on his lips +as he licked them seemed its very tang. He was big and strong, and had +no fear of hard living; neither was he fearful physically. On one thing +he was determined--not to stay to be expelled and then be taken +ignominiously back to Cloom and the jeers of his family. + +But deep down in him his ineradicable honesty kept nagging at him, +telling that this new sea-lure was all make-believe, that not that way +for him did happiness lie. Yet he kept on, always with a tingle of +excitement mingling with an undercurrent of disbelief in the reality of +it all, and made his way to the quayside determined to talk to the +sailors and introduce the subject of a new hand.... Half an hour later +he came away, after a desultory though interesting enough conversation +in which his project had never got past his tongue. Through no cowardice +or dread, he had simply not been able to broach it. He stared back at +the ship when he paused on the crest of the hill, trying to puzzle out +what was struggling for recognition in him. Dimly it began to dawn on +him that there are only two ways for a man to live fully. The first is +by being rooted to a spot that is everything to him, by which he makes +his bread, by which and on which he lives, so that its well-being is as +that of himself; and the second is by calling no place home, wandering +the world over and remaining always free. The way which lies betwixt +these two--that of hiring this house or that, putting belongings about +it and being attached to it by purely artificial ties of expediency and +rent, a house that was born of the thought of some unknown, the fabric +of whose ground is nothing to him who hires it--this way, which is the +way of nine hundred and ninety-nine out of every thousand, is false and +unsatisfying. It would be splendid to have two lives and give one to +each of the primary ways, to live once by the soil and once by the sea; +but that is a thing that can happen to no man. He may wander till he is +ageing and then "settle down," but that is a different affair. Ishmael +was born of the soil; Cloom, not only by inheritance, but by his +peculiar training, meant his life. With a sensation of something +clogging, but infinitely satisfying too, he admitted it. Cloom had been +too strong for him. + +It was the only time another path ever even suggested itself to him, and +then the suggestion had not been sincere, merely the promptings of that +literary sense which is in all imaginative youth. It prompted, too, not +so worthily, in an aspect of his new knowledge that did not escape +him--a certain romance about it, a feeling that it made him rather +interesting, something of a figure.... He would not have been human had +he quite escaped that at his age. And yet it was that feeling no one but +Killigrew, who frankly mooted it, had a suspicion of as possible, so +Ishmael realised with shame. Also his commonsense told him that the +sordid and quite unromantic incidents were likely to pile up more +thickly than any of charm or pleasure. His was an admirable position for +any one who loved self-pity; he would be able to see himself as a +romantic centre, to feed on misunderstanding and enjoy a self-conscious +isolation. + +That was the real danger, one that the Parson, who was in some matters +of a beautiful simplicity, had never realised. He had only foreseen the +straightforward shames and difficulties, and by these Ishmael was at an +age to be untouched, while he was just ripe for the former snare. + +He walked over the moor and rejoined the St. Renny track with the sense +of relief that we all get when one of two ways has been definitely +discarded. He had even ceased to worry over what decision Old Tring had +come to, though when he made out the Parson's figure coming towards him +his heart gave a leap and then beat more quickly than its wont. He +hastened his steps to meet him. + +Boase waved his hat in a gesture of triumph, as though to signal that +all was well, and his first shouted words told Ishmael that this was not +to be the end of his career at St. Renny. With the knowledge went a +queer little pang of disappointment; he had so been accustoming his mind +to the glamour of expulsion in circumstances such as his. The Parson, in +whose philosophy it would have held nothing but disaster, was beaming +with joy. He sat down on a stretch of turf and Ishmael lay beside him, +waiting. + +"In the first place, the injury isn't serious. Carron, the surgeon from +Plymouth, says it's nothing in the world but a muscle torn away, that is +painful but not dangerous. He says he does not know why the boy made +such a fuss; he can see nothing to account for delirium. I could have +given a guess, but refrained.... Anyway, I've been having a talk with +Dr. Tring--" + +Ishmael kept an ungrateful silence; it seemed to him that week had been +all talks. + +The Parson waited a second and then, with a tiny pang of disappointment, +went on: + +"It is to be all right; everything is to be as it was before. I know you +feel that is impossible, but it will hurt less and less with time, +believe me. Character is what counts in the long run, Ishmael. And I +have seen--I can't tell you how proudly--that you have character, that +it has made its mark here. That shows in the way this affair has been +taken. So pull yourself together; tell yourself how little it all really +matters, and you'll find it is so." + +A wave of affection for his friend went over Ishmael as he listened to +the words that really fitted his case so little and were so kindly +spoken. He felt in a flat muddle, unaware whether he wished he did feel +all he was expected to or glad he did not; but one good thing the +Parson's words accomplished. They purged him of the artificial +standpoint of the afternoon. It was impossible for one as naturally +direct as Ishmael to be in contact with so much of singleness of purpose +as the Parson's and not be ashamed of his own impulses towards +theatrical vision. He turned his head away to hide his emotion, which +the Parson took to spring from the news he had imparted and welcomed +with relief. He took the boy's hand and pressed it, a thing rare for +him, who was so sensitive of others' wishes he generally left physical +expression to them in the first place. + +"Shall we be getting back?" he said, after a moment. + +As they were walking over the moor a gleam of sun shone out, wavered, +then strengthened, and before a soft breeze the mist began to vanish, +only clinging here and there in the pockets of the moor like fine white +wool rubbed off the backs of phantom sheep. For a while they strode in +silence; then the Parson said: + +"By the way, you know old Mr. Eliot's daughter, don't you? Tring told me +she went to the dancing classes." + +"Yes.... Why?" Ishmael asked in sudden alarm. + +If it had all come out--to have a girl mixed up in this story of +his--the ignominy of it! The next moment with his relief mingled a +contrition for his selfish impulse when Boase replied: "She's not well, +apparently. Her father made Carron have a look at her; he's no faith in +Harvey. Seems she's been doing too much for her strength--walking too +far. She appears to think nothing of ten to fifteen miles." + +"There's nothing wrong, really wrong, is there?" + +"Oh, no, only they think change of air will be good for her and more +rest. She's to go on a long visit to some relations in France. I don't +know what she'll think of the change, a girl like that. She's a splendid +creature." + +"Have you met her?" asked Ishmael in surprise. + +"Why, yes. Her father seemed to think she was a little hysterical and +asked me to see if she would talk to me...." + +"More talking ..." thought Ishmael. + +"I don't think her at all hysterical. It seemed to me more physical. In +fact, I suggested Mr. Carron. But I think there's nothing like a +thorough change. Her father'll miss her, I fear, though." + +Ishmael had a sly chuckle as he thought of others who would do likewise, +and, catching a twinkle in the Parson's eye, it occurred to him for the +first time that day that perhaps all the subtlety of the race was not +confined to those of the age of himself and Killigrew. He grew a little +hot; then the Parson began to speak on another theme, and he thought no +more of Hilaria. He was to think of her less and less as the months +during which she never came back to St. Renny went by, and he did not +guess how he was to hear of her again. + +"About your confirmation," the Parson was saying. "This affair will make +no difference. There is no real reason why it should be put off. Dr. +Tring quite agrees with me. You are in the same mind about it, eh?" + +Ishmael, who was feeling more and more as though the past week had been +a grisly burden that was slipping off him like a bad dream, acquiesced +in a rush of eager thankfulness. The complications of life were +beginning to unfold in front of him, and both by training and heredity +he turned to the things that bore relation elsewhere but in this life +for a solution. + +"I want to be decent ..." was all he said gruffly, but with a something +so youthful in manner and sentiment that Boase had a yearning over him +as in the days when he had been a little boy. + +"Let me say one thing to you, Ishmael. I have said it before, but when +you were less able to understand. You will meet people--men--who will +tell you no man can keep altogether a rigid straightness in matters +that, as you know, I hold important. You will meet women who will +condone this view and tell you that they do not expect it, that men are +'different,' and that they would not even have it otherwise. Do not +believe them. It may be true of some men, though, if they were brought +up with other ideals, it would not be true of nearly as many as it is +now. But it will not, I think, be true of you, which is all you are +concerned with. Your very position should make you more scrupulous than +most men. You have had a shock, I know, but has it yet occurred to you +to think over the effect your father's conduct has had on those other +lives--your brothers' and your sister's?" + +"No," confessed Ishmael. + +"Try. You are not fond of Archelaus, I know, and there is no reason why +you should be. But try and see his point of view. He has the attachment +to Cloom that you have--not the same kind; he would never have felt it a +trust or something to be made better for its own sake, but he does feel +he has a right to it, and that is a hard thing to bear. Ishmael, all +this misery, the reason why your brothers have not been brought up as +you have, with the same advantages, which now they can never gain all +their lives long, the reason why Vassie, who is clever and pretty, will +have a difficulty in getting a husband worthy of her, is because your +father lived according to the law of the flesh instead of the spirit. +Never place any child of yours in that position." + +"I never will, I promise. But, I say, you know, Da Boase"--the childhood +name slipped out unawares--"I don't think I care about that sort of +thing--girls and all that. Not like Killigrew." + +The Parson hid a smile. "You will not ripen as early as Killigrew, in +all probability," he said, "but one does not have a temper such as +yours without other passions. There is another thing. Men of the +world--Killigrew, when he is a little older--will tell you that it is +possible and right to gratify those passions at less cost than the +embroilment your father made about him. Casual intercourse where no such +question arises.... Do not listen to that either. If it is possible for +you to be one of those who carry an undimmed banner, do. People often +talk as though purity were negative, whereas it is very actual. Keep it +as a beautiful thing that once lost is gone for ever at whatever gain of +experience or even understanding." + +"I really don't want that sort of thing," persisted Ishmael a little +outraged he should not be thought to know best. + +"However that may be," said the Parson, rather sharply, "different by +nature or grace, you should never let your difference make you feel +superior. A person who despises or fails to sympathise with all the +sorrow and the sin in the lives of others is the worst of sinners. There +are even times when chastity can be very chill and bare, though purity +is always lovely." + +"But you were saying----" began Ishmael, then stopped. "I think I do +know what you mean," he said more humbly. The Parson made no reply, but, +stopping in his walk, looked over a low wall of loose granite and laid +his arms along it. "Come and look here a minute," he said. + +The sun had died away, but the mist had not returned, and a still +greyness held the world in the low-lying part of the moor which they had +reached. + +Fields lay on one side and stretched in a parti-coloured patterning over +the slope before them as they leant upon the wall. The breeze, too, +seemed not to stir there, as though the pearly greyness that seemed to +tinge the very air were a blight that lay on sound and motion as well as +sight. No breath stirred strong enough to lift the petals of the +gorse-blossoms by the wall, or rustle the wayside plants. The only +movement came from a field of long grass on the slope--one of the +pattern of fields, newly-ploughed, short-turfed, or misted with green +from the three-weeks-old corn springing a few inches high, a pattern +that lay like a coverlet drawn over the rounded flank of the hill. And +over that one field movement was busy--the rank grass was exactly the +length, density, texture, to respond to what imperceptible breath there +was, and that grass only. Over and over it passed the silvery waves made +by the bending of the blades, over and over, always rippling up the +slope till it looked as though a film of smoke were perpetually being +blown from below to vanish over the crest. Ripple after ripple, ripple +after ripple, shivered up the slope and was gone--the field shuddered +and breathed with it; there was something uncanny about this silent +unceasing movement in the dead landscape--this visible effect of an +invisible thing. + +"We're most of us too full of effort," said the Parson abruptly; "we +think too much of trying to be good, of whether what we are going to do +is right or wrong. Whereas if we only got our minds into the right +attitude the rest would follow naturally and be worth all the striving. +If we could only be more flower-like--let ourselves grow and blossom. +Look at that field, the only thing moving; d'you see it? Well, it's +rippling like that all by itself because it's the only thing able to +answer to the little breath that's abroad. If you get yourself sound and +right and don't worry about yourself, then you respond to the breath of +the Spirit, like that grass. For the wind bloweth where it listeth...." + +He fell into a silence, and Ishmael, stirred out of the crust of +depression which had held him so many days, felt all his heart and high +hopes, his eagerness for life and its possibilities, stirring within him +again. He drew a deep breath and stretched widely, sloughing off mental +sloth in the physical act as young things can. He felt more alive +because more conscious of himself and his surroundings than ever before, +eager and ready to take up the remainder of his time at St. Renny. He +stirred a little by the Parson's side. + +Boase brought his thought to an ending with the rest of the quotation: +"So is everyone that is born of the Spirit...." + + + + +BOOK II + +GROWTH + + + + +CHAPTER I + +A FAMILY ALBUM + + +Vassilissa Beggoe stooped to take a final look at herself in the small +mirror, for she was so tall that, in her flowery bonnet that swooped +upwards from her piled chignon, she nearly touched the sloping roof of +her bedroom. She stooped and gave a glow--half smile, half a quickening +of light, over her whole face--at what she saw in the cloudy glass, +which could not materially dim her white and gold splendour. A slight +thickness of modelling here and there, notably in the short nose and +too-rounded chin, blurred the fineness of her beauty and might make for +hardness later on, but now, at twenty-one, Vassie's wonderful skin and +her splendid assurance were too dazzling for criticism to look at her +and live. She gave a pat, more approbation than correction, to a rose on +the bonnet, smoothed the lapels of her Alexandra jacket--so-called after +the newly-made Princess of Wales--and pulled up her gloves under its +pegtop sleeves. Then she turned with a swoop and a swish of her wide +blue taffeta skirts. + +"There!" she exclaimed in the studiously clear notes she had not been +able to free from a slight metallic quality; "that's not so bad a sight +to go and meet a little brother, I believe?" + +The younger, softer, slighter bit of femininity on the bed gave a gentle +little sound that meant admiration, and clasped a pair of dimpled, not +very clean, little hands together. + +"You're beautiful, Vassie, just beautiful. And just like a lady...." + +"I am a lady," said Vassie sharply. "How am I not a lady, I should like +to know? Haven't I been four years in a boarding-school, and don't I go +and stay with a clergyman's family in Plymouth? A lady.... When I was at +Plymouth last month for the Prince's wedding celebrations one of the +officers of a battleship asked who I was!" + +"I know, you've told me. Vassie--" + +"Well?" + +"Nothing. Only I sometimes wonder why you've never got wed up there to +Plymouth. One of those officers, or perhaps a clergyman...?" + +Vassie rather wondered herself, but all she said was: "I'm not going to +give up my freedom for the first man who lifts his little finger, I can +tell you. I haven't such a great opinion of the menfolk. Conceited +creatures, the most of them. I mean to pick and choose. And I mean +Ishmael to help me." + +"Oh, Vassie, how?" came from the wide-eyed listener on the bed. + +"Why, I shall make him bring his school friends down, of course. They're +all gentlemen. And then I shall make them fall in love with me." + +"But won't they be a lot younger than you, Vassie? You're three years +older'n Ishmael." + +"Some of 'em may be older than him, mayn't they? And one thing leads to +another. We might both get asked to stay with their folks. Besides--I +don't know that I should mind a man younger than me. I'd know more what +to do with him. I've always found boys easier. Men are so funny--as if +they were always keeping something to themselves. I don't like that." + +She looked indeed as though she might demand and take all she could +get--a girl greedy of life and the good things in it, or the things that +to her seemed good. She swooped down beside the little creature on the +bed and flung an arm round her. The younger girl's personality seemed +to be drowned in the bright effulgence of the elder as her slight form +in the swelling folds of blue taffeta skirt that overflowed her. + +"What about Mr. Tonkin?" ventured Phoebe; "he'd have you fast enough. +And he's almost as good as a clergyman, though of course not as good as +an officer...." + +"Old Tonkin, indeed!" cried Vassie indignantly. "I wouldn't touch him if +he was the only man alive. Why, mother's actually jealous of the way he +tries to come patting and pawing me.... She can have him--if she can get +him. Horrid, pale, fat old man!" She shook the thought of him from off +her, and ran on: "And when I'm a la--I mean when I'm married, I'll see +what I can do for you, Phoebe. You're too soft ever to do any good for +yourself. As like as not you'd take any clumsy lout that offered, simply +because you wouldn't know how to say 'No.'" + +Phoebe said nothing, but a bright colour ran up over her pale skin and +her soft mouth set in a little obstinate line. The whole expression of +her face altered when she set her lips so that they covered the two +front teeth that at once made her face irregular and gave it +individuality. She lost her exquisite softness and became a little +stupid, for it made the lower part of her face too brief--what Vassie +called "buttoned up." Phoebe was not actually pretty, but she was very +alluring to men, or would be, simply because everything about her was +feminine--not womanly, but feminine. Her mouse-brown hair, straight and +soft and fine, refused to fall into the heavy polished curtains that +were the mode, and which made of Vassie's two waves of rich brass, +bright and hard-edged as metal. Phoebe's eyes were brown, not of the +opaque variety, but with the actually velvet look of a bee's body. The +girls at school had told her her eyes looked good to stroke. Her nose +was an indeterminate snub, her chin delightfully round but retreating, +falling away from a mouth like a baby's--so fine in texture, so petal +soft, so utterly helpless-looking, with its glint of two small square +teeth. Only when she looked obstinate and closed her mouth the charm +went out of her face as though wiped off like a tangible thing. She +looked almost sullen now, but Vassie, heedless of her, jumped up and, +pirouetting round to show herself off once more and to give herself that +feeling of mental poise for which physical well-being is needful, made +for the door. A swish, a flutter, a bang, and she was gone. + +Left alone, Phoebe sat a moment longer, then rolled over on the bed +with a kitten-like motion and, stretching her arms above her head, lay +taut for a second, then relaxed suddenly. Head tucked in the pillow, she +apparently was lost in thought, for her brown eyes, slightly narrowed, +stared vacantly at the frilling of the pillow-slip. Then she gave a soft +little sound that had it not been so pretty would have been a giggle, +wriggled round, and slipped off the bed. She ran to the mirror and began +to take down her tumbled hair. As she raised her arms her round breast +swelled like a bird's when it lifts its head; her bright eyes and pursed +mouth, full of hairpins, were bird-like too. She was perpetually, to the +seeing eye, suggesting comparison with the animal creation; she was +bird-like, mouse-like, kitten-like, anything and everything that was +soft and small and obviously easy to hurt and crush physically. That was +her allure, her most noticeable quality--that she presented +unconsciously, but unmistakably, the suggestion that it would be easy to +hurt her, easy and sweet. + +She made trial of her hair in the fashion the new Princess had +started--drawn back _a la chinoise_, with a long rolled curl, known for +some reason as a "_repentir_," brought forward to lie over one shoulder. +Then she went to the washstand and took more care than usual over the +cleansing of her hands. That done, she deliberated whether or not to +put on her grey chip hat with the pink plume that on her arrival she had +flung on the bed, where it still lay. She tried herself with it and +without, then debated as to whether it looked better to give the +impression of being one of the family by appearing bonnetless, or +whether, on the other hand, it would not be more interesting to Ishmael +if he got the impression of a visitor ... of someone who was not always +about the house, who was to be seen outside. She finally decided on the +latter. Then she sat down to wait, though the time was bound to be more +than an hour, since Vassie and John-James had only now started in to +Penzance in the smart new market-cart to meet the eagerly awaited +arrival, Ishmael Ruan. + +Downstairs Annie too had her deliberations, her changes of mind, her +sudden impulses of affection and of resentment, as her ill-regulated +brain had always had them. She had not changed much in the years that +had brought them past Ishmael's eighteenth birthday. All of worn tissues +and faded tints had been hers long before, and except for an increased +jerkiness she seemed the same. In attire she had altered, and her black +silk dress, with its scallops and trembling fringes, suited ill enough +with her badly-arranged hair and work-worn hands. + +She sat in the little parlour, which she had been made to take into use +by Vassie, who had successfully made it hideous with antimacassars and +vases of artificial flowers. As Annie sat rigidly upright upon a +slippery horsehair-covered chair, her eyes wandered vaguely here and +there and fell on the album in which Vassie had collected all the +photographs taken of the family from time to time. Photographs printed +on paper were only just beginning to supersede the older daguerreotypes, +and a gleam of interest came into Annie's pale blue eyes, for the album +was still a new toy to her. She remembered that Vassie had only lately +finished sticking in the last photographs, and, picking it up, she began +turning the pages. + +There was Archelaus ... she caught her breath. Her lovely Archelaus as +he had appeared before going off to that terrible Crimea, which Annie +always thought was so called because it was such a wicked place. The +print was not very clear, as it was only a copy made from the original +daguerreotype, but what it lacked in definition Annie's memory could +supply. Archelaus was standing with one elbow leaning upon a rustic +pillar; he wore his uniform and looked like a king. He had splendid +side-whiskers, though their yellow hue did not show in the photograph. +Her beautiful Archelaus ... now toiling and moiling in those terrible +deserts, those sandy places, of Australia, which was the underside of +the world, where black heathen went about mother-naked. By now he had +doubtless dug much gold--many, many sovereigns of it--out of the sand, +and perhaps some day very soon he would walk in with his pockets full of +it; and then who would cut a dash in the country-side, from Land's End +up to Truro and beyond it? Her Archelaus. Even in her dreams Annie did +not picture Archelaus pouring out his gold upon her or as being anything +but of a splendid masculine surliness. + +She turned a page and came on John-James--reluctant, bashful, glowering +at the camera ... he was the most dutiful of her children, and she +passed on carelessly and came to Tom. Sleek and shiny in black +broadcloth, with the foxy sharpness of his features somehow suggesting +the red of his colouring even in the photograph.... He was sitting in a +low plush chair with Vassie standing, after the ungallant fashion of the +pictures of the period, behind him, one hand on his shoulder. She looked +a swelling twenty, though she had only been seventeen when it was taken. +Another turn of the page and Annie saw herself--an unkind vision, at her +most set, hard of hair and jaw, with deep eye-sockets. She admired it +for the black gown and the lace handkerchief she was holding; but she +was interested in it, too, as the true egoist always is in +self-portraiture, however unflattering. + +She stared at it longer than at any of the others, then, at last turning +the page, came on a photograph of Ishmael, sent by him from St. Renny at +the Parson's instigation. She stared at the mouth that, with its more +generous curves, was yet so like her own, at the square brow that never +came from her side of the family, at the narrow chin that in its +delicacy seemed to her girlish. As she looked a sudden tremor ran over +her. She realised she had been gazing at it as at the picture of a +stranger, so altered did he look from when she had last seen him, over +two years ago.... For some reason that stuck-up Parson had made every +excuse for the boy to spend his holidays elsewhere for over two years. +She had not seen him since before his confirmation, which she looked on +vaguely as some sort of civil ceremony like a superior kind of getting +apprenticed ... perhaps as being definitely apprenticed to gentility. +She had had Vassie "done" at Plymouth for that reason. This strange boy, +this young man, was coming to-day to her house, which was his house ... +coming to upset everything. She stared again, trying to trace the +features she remembered after a fashion, but which love had never +imprinted on her memory with the only indelible draughtsmanship. She +turned backwards swiftly till she came to the beginning of the book, +where was another photograph taken from an old daguerreotype. It showed +Ishmael as a baby ... his mouth rather wet-looking, helplessly open, not +unlike Phoebe's now ... he seemed somehow a pathetic baby. Even Annie +was struck by it. + +She laid the book on her slippery lap, whence it fell unheeded to the +floor, and stared in front of her.... Out of the dim past, almost as +dim to her as to an animal, came a memory, the memory of a touch. The +touch of a baby's hands feeling about her breast.... Not of Ishmael's in +particular--how should she, whose motherhood had been so forced, so +blurred a thing, keep one memory of it from another, or any that was not +purely animal ...? But it was his picture she had been looking at which +had brought the idea of babyhood back to her, and it was with him +personally that her mind connected the swift memory that was more a +renascence of an actual sensation. She closed her eyes and clutched at +the breast that had fallen on flatness. Her children would all go from +her except this one who was coming back.... A warmth that was +half-animal, and nearly another half-sentimental, rose in her heart, but +at least for the moment it was genuine. There was even some vague +feeling that she would protect him if the others made it hard for +him.... + +Wheels sounded on the cobbles of the courtyard, and the clatter of +hoofs; it meant that John-James and Vassie were back, bringing her son. +She got to her feet and went through the house to the yard door, already +recovering a little of poise, which meant artificiality, but still with +something of that real glow about her. She knew a moment of dread lest +Ishmael should rebuff it. She held out her arms with an uncontrolled +gesture, and heard her own voice call his name on an ugly piping note +she could not have told was hers. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +WHAT MEN LIVE BY + + +Ishmael Ruan, like the rest of his world that day, had been planning +ahead in his mind. His first conceptions were blown away from him with +his breath at sight of Vassie glowing on the dingy railway platform; she +was far the more self-possessed of the two, which was mortifying to a +young man who, all the way down in the train, had been telling himself +with what tact and kindliness he was going to behave. John-James had +seemed so unaltered that his grip of the hand, as casual as though +Ishmael were any acquaintance just back from a day's excursion, had been +a relief. Remained his mother, for Tom, contrary to what John-James and +Vassie had expected, did not look in at Penzance Station to greet +Ishmael on his transit, and as to the Parson, he was letting Ishmael +alone to find his feet with his family, holding himself as a person to +be come to if occasion or affection prompted it later. + +The drive was a silent one, as even Vassie felt shy, though she hid it +under an affectation of calmness. Ishmael had plenty of time to readjust +himself and think of his mother, the determining factor, now Archelaus +was away, in his happiness--or so he thought, ignorant in his +masculinity of the force and will sheathed in Vassie's velvet sleekness. +His mother ... he had no sentiment at the name; but then neither would +he have had if the relation between them had been a happy one. He would +then have felt love, but he would always have been of too deadly a +clarity for sentiment. He was sorry for his mother with a degree of +sympathy rare in one so young, for he had as little of the hardness of +youth as might be, and what he had was not of judgment, but feeling. He +was at the moment nothing but sorry for his mother, but though that pity +would not change to condemnation it might turn to dislike. He too, as +Annie was doing in the parlour as she awaited the sound of the wheels +that were bearing him nearer her, tried to clutch at memories. He could +find a few of fierce kindnesses, but not one of an embrace unqualified +by some queer feeling other than simple love, which he had always felt +in her. She did not, of course, care twopence for him, he decided. Well, +he would not be a hypocrite--he would not bother or embarrass her with +the expression of a tenderness neither of them felt; he would be gentle, +he would kiss her if she seemed to expect it, but he would talk brightly +and naturally of trivial things, he would make the occasion seem as +little weighted with portent as possible. There should be nothing of the +return of the master, nothing of the odious briskness of the new broom +about him at his entry. Time enough after to talk over things.... He +could spend the next day with John-James on the farm discussing +improvements, alterations. They were very behind the times down here; he +had seen farming in Somerset and Devon in his holidays that would make +them open their eyes down here. That would all break it to his mother +gently. She was getting old too--she must be quite fifty--and old people +did not like to have reforms thrust upon them. No, there should be +nothing eager, aggressive about him. He remembered stormy, excitable +scenes of his childhood and resolved they should see what the +self-control of a gentleman was like. Thus Ishmael, with intentions not +by any means, not even most largely, selfish. Yet, of all moods, the +worst to meet his mother's. + +The growing interest of the drive as they neared the north-west and the +familiar landmarks of his childhood came into sight, flooded with the +June sunshine--the ruined mine-shafts staring up so starkly, the glory +of white cattle in the golden light, the first glimpse of the pale roofs +of Cloom itself, prismatic as a wood-pigeon's plumage, all these things +struck at his heart with a keener shock than did anything personal, and +made thought of his mother sink away from him. Behind the cluster of +grey buildings he saw the parti-coloured fields stretching away--green +pasture, brown arable, pale emerald of the young corn--all his. He saw +in folds of the land little copses of ash whose trunks showed pale as +ghost-trees; he saw, gleaming here and there through the gorse-bushes, +the stream that ran along the bottom of the slope below the cart-track +that led to Cloom. He saw the bleak, grey homesteads, cottages and small +farms, set here and there, as he turned in his seat to look around him. +And his heart leapt to the knowledge that all these things were his.... + +Annie's croaking cry, her thin arms, her quick straining of him, he all +unprepared even for the mere physical yielding that alone saves such an +embrace from awkwardness, found him lost. Annie felt it and stiffened, +and the moment had gone never to come back. In after years, when Annie +had magnified it to herself and him, accusing him of throwing her love +back in her face when she had offered it, he was wont to reproach +himself bitterly. But Annie was so volatile in emotion, except where +Archelaus was concerned, that her new flow would, in all likelihood, not +have held its course for more than a few weeks at the best. Ishmael knew +this, but Annie, by dint of telling herself the contrary, never did. The +awkwardness of the actual moment was saved by Phoebe, who had hung in +the background waiting for what she thought might be the most telling +moment to glide forward, but who, her natural pleasure at sight of her +old playmate suddenly overbearing more studied considerations, could +contain herself in silence and the shadows no longer. + +"Ishmael!" she cried, running forward. "Ishmael!" + +She held out her two hands and Vassie thought swiftly: "It's no good, my +dear; he's for your betters--he and I ..." and with a worldliness that +went far towards bearing out her claims to ladyhood she broke in with: + +"You remember little Phoebe, Ishmael--from the mill...." + +"Why, of course. You haven't grown much, though you've got your hair +done up," said Ishmael, thankful for any diversion from Annie's +reproachful arms, which had slid from his neck to hang by her side. + +"I'm quite grown-up, though," said Phoebe, dimpling. + +"She mean's she's too old for you to kiss, lad," said simple John-James +with directness, grinning as he took the mare's bridle to lead her to +the stable. Ishmael had not yet the social cleverness to kiss Phoebe +at once and without embarrassment or to laugh the suggestion away, but +she, who had no social sense at all and never attained any, met the +moment perfectly, with a little curtsey and a sidelong look of +merriment. "Ah, I remember when Ishmael refused to kiss me, and I cried +myself to sleep over it," she said; "'tisn't likely I'm going to let him +kiss me now." + +"No--did I ...?" asked he; and Vassie gave a shrill laugh. + +"To be sure he did and would again," she declared; "he's not thinking of +such things. Mamma, is tea ready in the parlour?" + +"I fear I forgot about it, Vassie, my dear, but Katie shall get it to +wance. Come in here, Ishmael. We do sit here now; simminly we're +quality, according to she." + +Ishmael followed his mother into the ugly room, which offended his eyes, +used as they were to the Parson's taste. An album lay on the floor, and +he stooped to pick it up, but his mother, quick for all her years and +rheumatism, was before him and had thrust it out of his reach. + +Tea was a stiff meal; everyone was on company manners. John-James, in +from stabling the mare, sat at the edge of a chair; Vassie was too +genteel, Phoebe too arch, Annie grim. Ishmael's heart sank with a +terrible weight upon it as he thought that these were the people with +whom his lot was cast--that he must see them, talk to them, day in, day +out, all the round of the seasons.... Vassie's beauty seemed dimmed to +him; Phoebe became an annoyance like a musical-box that will not leave +off tinkling out the same tune. He bent his head lower as he sat, aware, +with a misery of shame, that tears were burning perilously near his +eye-lids. Life was sordid, and his position, over which he had not been +guiltless of sometimes dreaming as romantic, held nothing but +mortification and hatefulness. + +The meal dragged on; the daylight without grew glamorous. Conversation +flickered and died, and at last Ishmael, pushing his chair back with a +noise that sounded horrible to himself, announced his intention of going +to the Vicarage. Annie muttered something about people who could not be +content to stay at home even on their first evening.... + +But he was not allowed to escape alone; Phoebe discovered that it was +time she was going back to the mill, and there was no evading an offer +to accompany her. + +Somehow, away from the others, and out in the open, Phoebe seemed to +shed the commonness that had blighted her at that dreadful tea. She +still coquetted, but it was with a fresh and dewy coquetry as of some +innocent woodland creature that displays its charms as naturally as it +breathes. Ishmael found himself pleased instead of irritated when he +received her weight as he helped her over the stone steps at each +stile--for the only girl he had seen much of in late years had been +wont to stretch out a strong hand to guide him. + +As they went over the marsh where they had so often played as children +they vied with each other in pointing out memorable spots, and the +gaiety of the old days mingled with the beauty of the present evening to +brighten his spirits. The marsh was all pied with white--pearly white of +blowing cotton-grass; thick, deader white of water-cress in full flower; +faint blurred white of thousands of the heath-bedstraw's tiny blossoms. +Phoebe in her white gown sprang onto swaying tussocks and picked +plumes of cotton-grass to trim herself a garden hat, and Ishmael +steadied her passage. + +"Oh, Ishmael, I'm so glad you've come back!" she told him, lifting a +glowing face, haloed by the rose-lined hat that had slipped to her +shoulders and was only held in place by a pink velvet ribbon which was +not softer than the throat it barred. + +"It's often dull here," she ran on. "There's not many people I care +about going with since I came back from boarding school, and even for +those I do go with Vassie spoils it by saying I'm demeaning myself. +She's such a fine lady." + +"And aren't you?" asked Ishmael, laughing; "that was my first thought +when I saw you, anyway." + +"Was it?" She dimpled with pleasure, but added shrewdly: "I'm not one, +though. I like getting away from it all and working in the dairy and +looking after the tiny calves. I like that best of all, that and my baby +chickens. But Vassie's only happy when she's dressed up and paying +visits." + +"I like your way best," he assured her, thinking what a jolly little +thing she was after all. But Phoebe's mind could not keep its +attention on any one theme for more than a minute, and her eyes and +thoughts were wandering. Suddenly she gave a little cry. + +"Oh, look at those beauties! I must have them!" And she pointed to +where, on a vividly green patch of marsh, a whole grove of cotton-grass +stood up in the glow of the setting sun. The golden light poured through +the silky tufts, making of each a flake of fire, all raining at the same +slight slope from hair-fine stems. Against the turf they looked for all +the world like Chinese lanterns swung for some miniature revel of the +fairies--they seemed literally to diffuse light upon the air. Ishmael +stood staring, stung to excitement by that suddenly-glimpsed beauty; but +Phoebe darted forward, and the next moment had withdrawn a foot whose +stout country shoe and white stocking were dripping greenly. + +"Here, let me!" cried Ishmael; but she waved him back. + +"No, you're too heavy; you'd go through at once. Hold my hand while I +lean over;" and she swung outwards from his grasp, her other hand +stretching vainly. + +"Best leave that lot," advised Ishmael; "there's some much easier to get +at just along there." + +She turned her head, body still swung forward, and followed the line of +his pointing finger to where a cluster of grass as fine, but +untransmuted, stood in shadow. + +"Oh, but that hasn't the sun on it!" she exclaimed naively. The next +moment she had seen the absurdity of her own speech, and, pivoting to +the path beside him, joined in his laughter. + +"Well, it seemed sense to me when I said it," she protested. + +"So it would have been if you could have picked the sun too." + +"But I suppose it was only the sun that made me want them at all. +Aren't I a goose? Vassie would say I shall never get sense." + +"I like that sort of nonsense; it's rather jolly, somehow. I say, +Phoebe, I shall think of you as the girl who wanted to pick the sun. +Doesn't it sound ripping?" + +"Oh, my feet are so wet!" cried Phoebe. "I must hurry home. Mother +will fuss so over me, you can't think." + +"Shall I just get you that sunny grass before we go?" + +Phoebe hesitated, and then some instinct, finer than her comprehension +of it, prompted her to a refusal, and the cotton-grass was left to swing +its gossamer globes of light till the sun should have dipped below the +rim of the moor. + +When Ishmael had delivered Phoebe up to the tender agitations of the +fussy, weakly mother, and himself got away from the too-enthusiastic +welcome of the father, he struck towards the cliffs and the Vicarage +with a younger heart than had been his all the evening. Quite naturally +life had slipped through from a film of darkness on to a brighter plane, +and he greeted Boase with none of the gruffness that would have weighed +on him earlier. This also had the result of breaking the reticence which +would otherwise have kept him from telling anything of his real +feelings. Now that his family and the life before him no longer seemed +rayless, he could speak of the blight that had, for him, settled even +over the future as he sat in that fearsome parlour. + +Boase listened, glad that the boy seemed to be growing more articulate; +it would make his help, when it was needed, easier to give. He kept +Ishmael for supper, feeling that consideration for Annie was not the +most important thing just then, and after it he walked with the boy as +far as the stile that gave on to the cliff path. Ishmael was far from +having given way to one of his old unbalanced fits of chattering, but it +had been a pleasure to him to talk freely to the person with whom he was +most intimate. It was long--unnaturally long for expansive youth--since +he had talked so freely, for Killigrew had left St. Renny a year before +him to study painting in Paris. It was the time when the great Barbizon +school was in its prime, when Diaz and Rousseau and Harpignies and the +rest of that goodly company were heading the return to Nature which the +epoch needed, just as later it was to need, with equal sincerity, a +return to the primitive in art. Killigrew was absorbed by the fervour of +his new creed and wrote but rarely, and his letters were all but +incomprehensible to Ishmael. Not in his moments of freest intercourse +with Phoebe that evening had it been possible to exchange anything +beyond the chatter and playfulness of children, but there was that in +Ishmael to-night which, he being young, had to find outlet. For youth is +the period of giving, as gathering age is of withholding. + +Coming home after so long, coming home, moreover, with a meaning +portentous beyond the ordinary attached to the act, had excited Ishmael +unknown to himself. Physically he felt very tired, which he told himself +was absurd, but mentally he was of a joyous alertness. Leaning upon the +stile, he drew a deep breath of the salt air and raised his eyes to the +night sky curving, so high was he placed, for an immense arc about his +tiny form. To the north the Plough trailed its length, but south, high +over the dark blot which to the keen sight of love meant Cloom, Spica, +brilliant crown of Virgo, pulsed whitely, while the glittering +sisterhood of Aquila and Lyra, Corona and Libra swept towards the east, +ushering up the sky the slim young moon, as bright as they but more +serene, like a young mother amidst a flock of heedless girls. How often +had Ishmael counted these same clear callous eyes from sleeping St. +Renny, but never with the answering gleam in his breast that he felt now +he saw them over his own land. + +"So life is going to be good, after all," remarked the Parson abruptly. + +"Rather. It seems jolly good to-night, anyway. All my life I've been +looking forward to this, just this, coming back here and making +something of it all ... and the funny thing is now it's come I'm not +disappointed." + +"Why should you be?" + +"I dunno. Only one expects to be when one's been expecting to be happy. +That sounds Irish, but you know what I mean." + +"Yes, I know, but then I'm older than you. Why should you have found +that out?" + +"Some things--things like that--one doesn't find out by what happens. +One sort of knows them to start with. It's funny too, because what I'm +so cock-a-hoop about to-night is that life's so full of things just +ahead, things that are going to happen. I say, look at that moon; I sort +of feel as though I could jump over her if only I tried hard enough!" + +"That's what youth lives on," said Boase--"not on what happens, but on +what may happen. Every morning when you wake don't you feel--'To-day +_It_ may happen,' though you haven't the vaguest idea what It may be?" + +"Why, yes, I think that's true," said Ishmael slowly. + +"Yes, it's true. It's what youth and hope and courage lives by." + +"And old people--what do they live by?" + +"Ah, that everyone has to find out for himself. It depends largely on +what his middle-age has drawn on, and that's nearly always something +more material than what fed his youth. There's only one thing +certain--that we all have something, some secret bread of our own soul, +by which we live, that nourishes and sustains us. It may be a different +thing for each man alive." + +"We must each work out our own damnation," said Ishmael, and then could +have kicked himself for his own smartness that he heard go jarring +through the night. He waited in a blush of panic for some reproof, such +as "That was hardly worthy, was it?" But the Parson, ever nothing if not +unexpected, did not administer it, though Ishmael could have sworn he +felt his smile through the darkness. + +"Damnation, salvation, it's much the same thing," said Boase, +cheerfully, "though naturally youth likes to use the former word. But +the great thing is never to despise the means by which another man +attains it. Patience, tolerance, tolerance, patience...." + +"Oh, I don't know," protested Ishmael. "I don't think much would get +done in the world at that rate, would it?" + +"Perhaps not. And you have so much to do in it.... When d'you start?" + +"To-morrow morning with dawn, so I must be getting off. If you're awake +round about then, Da Boase, think of me beginning to remake the world +over at Cloom." + +And Ishmael set off through the night, his feet lagging with a blissful +fatigue and his mind falling on an equally blissful numbness. As he went +the Parson's phrase went with him, stirring his imagination, and when he +climbed into the big bed beneath the drooping Christ it worked more +articulately within him. "Secret bread ..." he thought; "that's what he +called it.... I wonder if Phoebe's is sun--she wanted to pick the sun. +And his is religion, of course, and mine--I know what mine is. It'll +always be the same. I shan't change even if I grow old." + +He began to feel very drowsy and drifted into a vague wonder at the +thought of growing old. "I wonder what it feels like. I suppose one +takes no more interest in anything; it can't matter what one's secret +bread is. But mine, of course, mine is Cloom...." And on that he fell +asleep. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +FIRST FURROW + + +Youth is susceptible to that which it awakes, and Ishmael sallied out +early next morning in a mood to match the month as it then shone to +greet him. The sun had not long cleared the east, and the globes of dew +glimmered on leaf and twig and darkened his boots as he crossed the +ill-kept lawn in front of the house. He promised himself it should be +rolled and mown and have flower-beds around it, and that a wind-break of +firs should be planted along the low granite wall which was all that +divided it from the bare moor. He went to the little gate and, leaning +his back against it, looked long at the house as though for the first +time. He noted the solid simple lines of its long front and the beauty +of its heavy mullions and the stone corbels beneath the roof. The +portico over the door had pillars of square rough-hewn granite, a whole +room was built out over it, with a wide-silled window, beneath which the +Ruan arms were carved on a granite shield. That door should have a drive +leading up and widening before it; at present what cart-track there was +went meekly along the side of the low wall into the farmyard. Those two +big velvet-dark yews that stood sentinel either side of the porch would +look splendid when clipped taut and square. So he planned, and then, +hearing the voice of John-James calling to the cows, he remembered that +the utilitarian side of the place must come first; and he went up the +path, through the panelled corridor that led through the house, into the +court, passed under the arch at the opposite side, and so into the +farmyard. There the cows were gathering for the milking, swinging +slowly into the yard while John-James held open the gate from the field. +They were good cows, but Ishmael glanced at them critically. Cows were +to be his chief concern, for the home farm was not large enough to yield +much in the way of crops for sale--nearly all would be needed for the +winter consumption of his own beasts. Most of the corn sown was the +dredge-corn, a mingling of barley and oats sown together and ground +together, which was used for cattle, and the roots and hay were all +needed also. Even then there would have to be special foods bought, +Ishmael decided, for he believed in farmyard manure, and to obtain that +at its best the cattle had to be well and carefully fed. These cows he +now saw were good enough of their kind, but he wished to start Guernseys +or Jerseys, or more probably a cross-breed of the two, as being fitter +for the bare country than pure-bred animals. + +John-James tramped in behind the last cow and closed the gate. He had +made no remark at sight of Ishmael, and all he now said was: + +"Them are good cows. Good as any you'll get up-country I reckon." + +"They look all right for their kind," admitted Ishmael. + +"Finest in the place. Not like Johnny Angwin's beasts--high in the bone +and low in the flesh. He'm a soft kind o' chap, sure 'nough, and sick to +his heart at having to take to farming toall. He was in a book-shop to +Truro, but had to come home when his brother died. T'other day he come +to I and he says, 'Oh, John-James Beggoe, my dear, what shall I do? I +forgot I did ought to arrange my cows all in steps, so to speak, so that +they shouldn't all calve to wance, and now they'll all be a doen of it +and us won't get no milk....'" John-James broke off with a chuckle, then +resumed with: "Seen the calves yet?" + +"No. I suppose they've been turned out?" + +"Not yet. I'll wait till the middle of the month before turnen out. +Eight heifers and three bulls there be." + +"Well, I'll see what they look like. Morning, Katie!" + +Katie Jacka, who had come out to the milking, responded eagerly to the +new master and planked down stool and pails. Ishmael and John-James +stood watching for a few minutes. + +"That there cow is drawin' to calf, and I'm jealous of her," announced +John-James lugubriously; "she'm too fat, and I fear she'll get bruised, +but though I turned her into the poorest field in the place she won't go +no thinner. She'm never gone dry, and they belongs to be one month dry." + +"I want to start Jerseys," said Ishmael boldly; "I'm sure the better +quality of the milk will more than make up for the greater cost of the +stock." + +"Jerseys! ... well," said John-James, startled, "that's a new idea, +surely. I don't knaw where 'ee'd get a bull to serve en. Hav'ee thought +on that?" + +"I don't see why I shouldn't have a bull myself. I could advertise it +for service all round the country, if it comes to that." + +John-James muttered something to the effect that he'd enough to do as it +was, but Katie, one ear pressed against a cow, one pricked for the +conversation, chimed in. + +"There's a Jersey bull to the geart farm to Grey Caunce, maister," she +told Ishmael, "and I've heard tell there's nothen but Jerseys there, and +the butter's the best in the country and fetches most to market. Many's +the time I've said I could make as good if I'd only got cream hangin' in +riches like them has got." + +"You must come up the Fair with me next time, John-James," suggested +Ishmael, "and then we'll see. Come and show me the calves now...." + +The two went off to the cowsheds and for the next hour were examining +livestock, from the calves down to the bees--rather a rarity in those +parts and the joy of John-James, who had the bee-gift, and was never +stung, being able to move a swarm in his bare hands unscathed. +Afterwards they walked over part of the farmlands, and Ishmael's heart +began to beat high with pride and joy. There is nothing more romantic +than land--its wilfulness, its possibilities, its endless intimacies. +Ishmael's land was to prove an exacting mistress, unlike the rich, sleek +home counties, which only have to be stroked to smile and yield. On +these granite heights the soil needed breaking every three years; if a +field did very well it might be left four, but never longer. The deep +ploughing of the midlands was impossible--the hard subsoil lay too close +to the surface, and little wheat was sown as the shallow soil would not +bear it, and what was sown never grew to be like the heavy eight-sided +corn of softer counties. Yet Ishmael loved his land already and was to +love it more and more, its very hardness and fighting of him helping to +make its charm. + +Neither his early experiences of farm life nor his opportunities of more +scientific study had been wasted on Ishmael, and he looked over pasture +and arable now with an eye knowing enough, if not quite as much so as he +tried to make it appear to John-James. He found the land in good +condition, the early-sown grain showing clear green blades and the grass +rich enough, while even in the more neglected pastures towards the sea +where the thistles had not been refused a foothold they had been kept +cut down to prevent seeding. John-James was conscientious, though +handicapped by a rigid conservatism and lack of proper help. For the +emigration had been very heavy of late years from that part of the +world, to the goldfields both of Australia and California. Times were +bad, though not as bad as in the North, where thousands of cotton +operatives were literally starving owing to the stoppage of the cotton +supplies through the American Civil War. The papers were full for +months, amid the greater excitement of Princess Alexandra's wedding, of +paragraphs headed "The Distress in the North," that had become as much a +regular feature as the weather reports or the society gossip. The +consequent uneasiness made itself felt even in Cornwall, and perhaps the +Anti-Slavery meetings held in Penzance were not entirely disinterested. +Also Botallack mine was then in full work and swallowing young men, +though for poor enough wage. One way and another, managing the farm was +none too easy, and so John-James had found. He looked with as much +interest as his stolid mind could compass to the return of Ishmael, with +the power of the purse-strings and the expenses of his own education at +an end, to work something of a miracle at Cloom. But he had not imagined +the miracle to take the form of Jersey cows, and he began to wonder +dolefully what newfangled notions about machinery and manure might not +also be hatching in the young owner's brain. They mounted in silence the +steepest slope of the rolling land and came to a stone hedge on which +John-James leant, Ishmael beside him. + +They stood in silence, John-James because he hardly ever spoke unless +spoken to, and Ishmael because over his spirit rushed a flood of memory +that for an aching moment overwhelmed him. This was the field where the +Neck had been cried, when, as a little boy, he had first caught at the +flying skirts of happiness, first realised the sharpness of the actual +instant--and thought it surely could never, so vivid and insistent was +it, cease to be.... Now, as then, his eyes sought the line of twisted +hedge, and he saw it, looking so much the same, yet set with leaf and +blossom so many seasons away from that August evening, even as he was +himself from the child who had thought to arrest Time. Yet, realising +that, he again tried to snatch at the present, though with the +difference that now he told himself that anyway there was such a long, +long time before him to be young in that it wouldn't ever pass.... + +"That's for ploughing now," announced John-James suddenly. "For the +mang'ls. 'Tes as good land as any in the place, and a waste to hav'en +grass, so it is. Maybe you'd like to come and have a try at it, if you'm +not gwain to be above turnen your own hand to work?" + +Ishmael had a moment's qualm. What ploughing he had done had been but +slight, and he was not free from an uneasy impression that John-James +was laying a trap for him into which he would not be sorry to see him +fall. It would be no better to put it off, for he could imagine the +comments that would fly, so he nodded his head. + +"We'll set to work this morning on it," he agreed lightly; "I suppose +you're still using wooden ploughs down here?" + +"Wooden ploughs ...? And what'd 'ee have ploughs made of, I should like +to knaw? Gold, like what Arch'laus has in Australy?" + +"Iron. All modern ploughs are made of iron, and so are rollers." + +"Iron ... iron rollers. What's wrong weth a geart granite roller, lad?" + +"Well, it's very cumbersome, isn't it? It's three men's work to cart it +from one place to another, for one thing. Anyway, I've brought down an +iron plough and a chain-harrow...." + +Over John-James's face came a gleam of interest. "A chain-harrow?" he +repeated; "I've long wanted one o' they. Us allus has to take the +yard-gate off its hinges and weave furze in and out of it and drag that +over the ground." + +"Well, now you've got a real chain-harrow and won't have to do that any +more. I tell you what it is, John-James, I want you and me between us to +make this the finest farm in the country; I don't want Archelaus to +sneer at us when he comes home and say how much better he could have run +it. Of course, I can't do it without you; but if you'll only help...." + +John-James held silence for a space. Then he said: + +"I've allus said as how us wanted carts, 'stead of carr'n all our furze +and the butter and everything as goes in or out upon they harses and +lil' dunkies. And gates ... if us could have a few more gates to the +place 'stead of thrawing the hedges up and down all our days.... It'll +cost money, but what you do put into the land you get out of the land. +Same as weth cows." + +It was a long speech for John-James, and he paused with his countenance +suffused a deep purplish hue. Ishmael seized his hand and wrung it with +a sudden young gust of enthusiasm that he could not control. + +"You'll help. I know you will. Oh, we'll pull the old place up yet. +We'll make such a thing of it...." + +But John-James had withdrawn his hand limply. "Go maken it so fine it'll +be a pretty place for gentry, s'pose," he said; "be shamed to see I +about the place then, I reckon." + +Ishmael laughed joyously at him. "Don't be an ass, John-James," he said; +and it was the first time he had been able to meet any little speech of +the kind without strain. John-James stood at ease, and slowly some faint +trace of a change of expression appeared on his immobile features. + +"I reckon thee'll do, lad," was all he said; but Ishmael felt his heart +give an upleap of triumph; he knew he had made his first conquest. As he +and John-James went into breakfast side by side he felt quite equal to +meeting Annie unperturbed. But he was not to be called on to make trial +of his stoicism, as Annie hardly spoke to him; but with a thrill of +emancipation he realised that his mother's tongue no longer held terror +for him--merely the annoyance of a persistent fly. + +As long as he lived Ishmael never forgot the exquisite moment when he +broke his first furrow on his own land. Harvest gathered is a wonder and +a release from strain; sowing and tending of seed and young crops is +sweet, but ploughing holds more of romance than all the rest. It is the +beginning, the fresh essay with soil that has become once more savage; +it is the earliest essential of man's conquest of Nature; his taming of +her from a wild mistress to a fruitful wife. + +The day shone with the clear pearliness of early June: high in air the +big cumulus clouds rode golden-white, trailing their shadows over the +dappled land beneath; the branches of hawthorn gleamed silvery amidst +the pearly blossom; a wine-pale sunlight washed with iridescence sky and +earth. In the great sloping field, which held six days' hard ploughing +between its stone ramparts, the granite monolith stood four-square to +all the winds that blew, defying ploughs and weathers. The two brown +horses waited by the highest hedge, the plough, that always looks so +toy-like and is so stubborn, quiescent behind them, a boy ready at their +heads, switch in hand. With a freshness of emotion never quite to be +recaptured, Ishmael gathered up the rope reins and took the handles of +the plough in his grip. The impact of the blade against the soil when +the straining horses had given the first jerk up the slope was as some +keen exquisite mating of his innermost being with the substance of the +earth ... a joy almost sensual, so strong was the pleasure of the actual +physical contact as yielding soil and fine hard edge met--his hands +sensitively aware of the texture of that meeting through the iron frame +of the plough. Up and down the field, over its humped back, widening the +strip of brown between him and the hedge, always with pleasure at sight +of that long rich fold of earth turning over perpetually under the +sideways impact of the blade, turning over till the green turf was +hidden by the brown of the under soil.... + +The field was not an easy one for the horses by reason of its curve; the +off horse, on the vore, as the part already ploughed is called, dug his +great hoofs firmly in the stiff soil, but the near horse slipped +perpetually on the short turf. Every now and then the plough had to be +stopped while great hunks of granite were hacked out of the earth; then, +with loud cries of encouragement and a cut of the whip, the horses were +urged on again, the flash of their shoes gleaming rhythmically up and +down, up and down, as Ishmael guided the plough behind them. His hands +gripped the handles, the plough clanked, the horses struggled, and the +sound of their hoofs made a dull thud-thud upon the earth; the wind blew +gratefully on his moist brow and on the flanks of the animals; at every +turn the shouts of his voice as he stopped the horses and reversed the +clanking plough went up through the quiet world. + +The gulls sat, dazzlingly white, motionless as little headstones, along +the rim where green land met brown vore, then rose and shrieked and +swooped as the clatter began again, dipping in the wake of the new +furrow. And the sun went overhead, making sweating steeds and sweating +man and bright wheels and brighter blade of the plough glisten like +sculptured bronze, while all the time the green was being more and more +swamped, furrow after furrow, by the encroaching brown. + +That night Ishmael was sore and stiff, but happy, with a deep physical +content. The next day and the next and on till the last furrow lay +turned along the lower hedge he kept himself at it doggedly, in spite of +aching muscles, driven by a vague feeling that this was his initiation, +his test of knighthood, and that to fail at it, to leave it to other +hands, would augur ill. When, on the sixth night, he washed the sweat +and earth from off his healthily tired body he felt life could hold +nothing sweeter than what it had yielded him in these six days. He had +taken seizen of his land. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +THE SHADOW AT THE WINDOW + + +For nearly three years that content of Ishmael's held--held till the +Parson, who had worked for it, grew ill-pleased. It seemed unnatural +that so young a man should never want to roam further afield than the +annual cattle fair; should be sufficiently stayed with that perpetual +struggle against weald and weather. It was just that tussle which, by +keeping the body hard and the mind stimulated, made the content +possible. Ishmael had up till now asked for nothing better, and so far, +so good. But, as the Parson told himself, the time would come when he +would demand more, and then, for lack of knowing other possibilities, he +might slake himself with whatever was near at hand and slowly sink into +the things of the soil till he was smothered with their reek. Up till +now he had spiritualised the land by his wrestling with it, but now that +some measure of success, enough to make the struggle less a thing that +must not be relaxed for a day, had come, now was the time when the +reverse process might begin unseen. + +Cloom had undergone a wonderful regeneration, though at present it went +only skin-deep, and if left to herself she would soon relapse into +savagery. Ground that had been furze-ridden within the memory of man now +yielded roots and grain, though not yet richly; the stubborn furze had +been burnt and hacked and torn up, the thorns and thistles, the docks +and sorrel, had been patiently attacked until they too yielded, the fine +clinging roots of the innocent-looking pink-faced centaury and the more +blatant charlock had been eliminated from the tenacious soil; while the +pale golden cows of alien breed waxed fat and gave rich milk only a few +tones paler than their own smooth flanks. + +All this was in the main Ishmael's work; and his blunders had been +few--he had a genius for the land. It had been hard work though it meant +joy, and left not much time or ease of limb for recreation. It had been +in that respect the Parson met difficulties. There was hunting in +season, and Ishmael was a keen rider to hounds, in spite of his aversion +to slaughter of any kind, which upon the farm was the source of not +unkindly mirth amongst the men. They could not yield of their fullest +respect and nothing of comprehension to a master who was never present +when his own pigs were killed, beyond one occasion when he attended to +assure himself that all was done in the most merciful way and had ended +by being violently sick into the bowl of pig's blood. In hunting Ishmael +found, like many another, that his own excitement helped him to bear +with the thought of the fox's pain, though he was always glad, in guilty +secret, when there was no kill. It was not this idiosyncrasy that +troubled Boase; it was the social questions that hunting evoked. Boase, +who also followed to hounds, felt his heart glow to see how well the boy +was received; for Ishmael's surly shyness had passed into a new phase, +expressed by a rather charming deference mingled with independence which +appealed to the brusque, goodhearted members of the "county," who went +to make up the very mixed hunt in that sparsely-peopled district. + +Still, all was not well. Vassie had grown in discontent, Annie in +melancholy. The girl herself might--probably would, with her beauty and +adaptability--have won a place with Ishmael had it not been for the +mother. Annie's touchy pride, mingled with what Vassie frankly called +her "impossibleness," made the situation hopeless, for the former +quality would not let her efface herself, and the latter prevented her +daughter being called upon. Therefore, although Ishmael went out now +and again and had struck up a fairly intimate acquaintance with one or +two nice families within a radius of ten miles, yet he had no sort of +home life which could satisfy him for long. + +The only thing Boase saw to be thankful for was that Ishmael's thoughts +had not been driven on to Phoebe, and that was probably only because +it had never occurred to Ishmael as a possible contingency. He had been +so healthily occupied and was so used to Phoebe. Also, Vassie, in her +discontent, spent the time visiting her rather second-class friends in +Plymouth as much as possible, and, even when she did not insist on +sweeping Phoebe with her, intercourse with the mill stopped almost +entirely. Annie never pretended to any liking for the helpless Phoebe, +who could not even answer her back when she insulted her, as she +frequently did all timid people. Never since that accidental touch of +quaintness on the first evening had Ishmael discovered any kindred habit +of mind in Phoebe, and she, in her sweetly-obtuse way, sometimes +wondered that Ishmael did not want to be more with her. + +It was not a common failing with the chaps around that district. +Phoebe's peculiar allure of utter softness was not one that could +remain unfelt even among the slow and primitive young men she met day by +day, or who gazed at her dewy mouth and eyes in the church which, for +the sake of the vision, they attended instead of chapel. Vassie, who was +really a beauty, they only feared. At any moment, if he were not drawn +outside himself and the affairs of Cloom, that sudden curious twist of +vision which means glamour might occur for Ishmael as he looked at +Phoebe. If there were no rich enough materials at hand to make a +fuller life for the boy, then, thought the Parson, with logic, it must +be brought to him. The difficulty was Ishmael himself. + +He had a curious quality derived of some inherited instinct of fear--a +quality that made him distrust change. It had been that which had held +him back on the day at St. Renny when he had dallied with the notion of +running away to sea; it had been that which had made him loth to leave +school at the end in spite of his excitement over returning to a Cloom +legally his; and it was that now which enabled him to be hypnotised by +his own furrows drawing out in front of him. He clung to what happiness +he knew in a way rare in one so young, and he was quite aware how much +of it he found even in uncongenial company. What might lie beyond it he +distrusted. + +Not for nothing had Annie lived through the stress she had before his +birth, and from her circumstances, though not her nature, he drew that +queer mingling of content and dread. But from the old Squire, little as +he resembled him in all else, came that impersonality in what are +usually personal relationships, against which even the Parson beat in +vain. Through all his passionate sinning James Ruan had held himself +aloof from the sharer in his sins. What for him had been the thing by +which he lived no one ever knew; his sardonic laughter barred all +ingress to his mind. + +With Ishmael, as the Parson was beginning to see, places had so far +stood for more than people. St. Renny, the manner and atmosphere of it, +had meant more than Killigrew, the Vicarage than the Parson, Cloom than +his brothers and sister and the friends he made there. It was towards +this very detachment that the Parson's upbringing of Ishmael had tended, +and yet he now felt the need of more. For some appetite for more life +was bound to stir and break into being one day, and Boase was +passionately desirous that it should make for happiness and good. Thus +Boase thought of it all, but, after the fashion of the race of which +Ishmael also was one, he showed no sign of his meditations. + +With the approach of the boy's twenty-first birthday the Parson saw +light. Though Ishmael had come of age, as far as the property went, +three years earlier, still the occasion was not without import, and +could fittingly mark some change. A word to Annie produced no result, a +hint to Vassie and the thing was in full swing. Ishmael always thought +it was his own idea that Killigrew, back in London from his Paris +studies, should be asked down to Cloom. It was not everyone that could +have been called in to help at celebrating a twenty-first birthday under +such circumstances as Ishmael's; it could hardly be made an occasion for +feasting tenantry and neighbouring gentry, but it might be used for what +Boase, through Killigrew, hoped--the disruption of an atmosphere. That +done, a new one could be created. + +Killigrew arrived. He startled the natives considerably by his loose +jacket and flowing tie, but his red hair was cut fairly short, though +his chin was decked by a soft young pointed beard that gave him a +Mephistophelian aspect ludicrously set at naught by his white eyelashes, +which, round his more short-sighted eye, were set off by a single glass. + +As Ishmael drove him from Penzance through the warm, clear May afternoon +Killigrew waxed enthusiastic with appreciation of what he saw. + +"Anyone living here should be perfectly happy," he declared. "I don't +wonder you've never wanted to leave. It has more to it, so to speak, +than our old country round St. Renny." + +For a moment Ishmael made no reply; it was the first time it had +occurred to him it would be possible to leave Cloom, and though he knew +that up to now he had not wanted to, yet he was not quite pleased that +Killigrew should take it so for granted. He sent his mind back over the +years since he had seen his friend, comparing what had happened to +himself with all that happened to Killigrew as far as he could imagine +it--which was not very far. Killigrew was the more changed; his beard +and the lines of humour--and other things--round his eyes, made him seem +older than his twenty-two years, but it was more the growth in him +mentally that had been so marked as to suggest that he had changed. This +was not so, as the alterations had all marched in inevitable +directions--it could not have been otherwise in one who lived so by his +instincts as Killigrew, and held them so sacred. He had not changed, but +he had developed so far that to Ishmael he seemed disconcertingly +altered. + +"It's all right for me," said Ishmael at last, "but I expect you'll find +it dull after Paris. It must all be so different over there." + +"Oh, Paris is Paris, of course, and unlike anything else on earth. It is +not a place as much as a state, which is one of its resemblances to +heaven. You see I haven't forgotten all my theology." + +"I sometimes think," announced Ishmael, firmly believing what he was +saying, "that it's time I went about a bit. To London and Paris ... the +place can get on quite well without me for a bit." + +"My son, be advised by me," said Killigrew gaily; "for good little boys +like you this is a better place than gay, wicked cities. Of course, I'm +not good--or bad either; it's a distinction that doesn't mean anything +to me--but I have to be in Paris for my painting. Can you imagine it, +I've been with Diaz and Rousseau? And there's a young fellow who's +coming on now that I've seen a lot of called Lepage--Bastien Lepage, +who's going to be a wonder. I can tell you, sometimes when I think of +the dear old Guv'nor's business, and how he had set his heart on my +going into it, I can hardly believe it's true that I've been there, free +to do my own work, with those men...." + +Killigrew's voice sounded younger in its enthusiasm, more as it had in +the old days when he used to speak of Turner. + +"I'll bet you're going to be as great as any," cried Ishmael, the old +sense of potencies that Killigrew's bounding vitality had always stirred +in him awaking again. "How we all used to talk at St. Renny about what +we'd do ... d'you remember?" + +"Rather. And it's most of it coming true. I was to be a painter and old +Carminow a surgeon. I've just heard he's at the Charing Cross hospital." + +"And Polkinghorne major? D'you know anything about him? Did he get into +his Highland regiment?" + +"I heard about him at St. Renny from the old bird. I stopped there last +night, you know, to break this devil of a journey. I tell you, Ishmael, +it's less of a business getting over to Paris than down here." + +"What did Old Tring say about everyone? How was he?" + +"Just the same, only thinner on top and fatter below. He told me about +Polkinghorne. He went to Italy the year you left, you know. Well, Old +Tring told me while he was still there the war broke out, and he +enlisted under Garibaldi and was killed in a skirmish just when peace +was settled." + +There was a second of silence--not because Ishmael had any feeling for +Polkinghorne beyond a pleasant liking, but because it was the first time +the thought of death as an actuality instead of a dreamlike hypothesis +had ever struck home to him. Then he said: "Poor old Polkinghorne ... but +he was hardly older than us. It doesn't seem possible anyone like us +can be dead...." + +He pushed the thought away from him and soon was listening to +Killigrew's tales of Paris, some of which were so obviously meant to +startle him that he kept to himself the fact that they succeeded. +Awkwardness died between them, and when he turned in up the new +drive--still only half-made, but the whole scheme of it clear--Ishmael +could glow at the other's admiration of his home. + +If he could show off Cloom without a qualm, however, it was not the same +when it came to displaying his family, and never had he been so thankful +for Vassie's beauty as when he saw Killigrew's notice of it. And how +that beauty glowed for Killigrew! Even a brother's eyes could not but +admire. Phoebe sat unnoticed, her charm swamped in that effulgence. +Annie's querulous remarks faded through sheer pride into silence. The +Parson, a welcome addition, arrived for supper; greasy Tonkin, +inevitable though not so greatly a source of pleasure, drove over from +Penzance and sat absorbing Vassie, so to speak, at every pore. + +Supper was going off well, thought Ishmael, as he watched Killigrew eat +and laugh, and listened to his talk that could not have been more +animated--so reflected Ishmael in his relief--if Vassie had been a +duchess. Under the brightness the tension, so common to that room that +it had become part of it, evaporated, and yet what, after all, was it +that achieved this miracle? Nothing in the world but ordinary social +intercourse between young and gay people who met as equals, intercourse +such as poor Ishmael had never known under his own roof before.... And +they all made a fuss of him: John-James actually said something +approving, if difficult to follow, about his farming; Vassie beamed on +him not only for his friend's sake; the Parson drew him out--he felt +himself a host, and responded to the sensation. + +Killigrew was just drawing upon the tablecloth, unreproved of Annie, a +sketch of a fashionable Parisian lady for Vassie's instruction when the +door opened to admit of Tom, a very rare visitor at Cloom nowadays. He +was in sleek black broadcloth and looked almost as ecclesiastical as +Tonkin, and much more so than Boase. Tom wore a handsome white cravat +beneath his narrow, clean-shaved chin, which was decorated on either +side with whiskers whose fiery hue made Killigrew's seem but tawny. Tom +wore also a curious smile on his thin lips, but Ishmael was forced to +admit, as he watched him shake hands quietly with Killigrew, that this +dreaded and disliked brother had given the most unexceptional greeting +of any of his family. + +Tom sat down, but refused food. He had only come out to see his mother, +and because it was Ishmael's birthday, or so he said. + +"Is anything the matter, Tom?" asked Annie artlessly. + +"No, what should there be?" demanded Tom in a slightly contemptuous +fashion. "Can't I want to see you without that? Don't give me away +before the visitor, especially as Ishmael's such an attentive son." + +Annie began to sniff, and Vassie bade him, in an angry undertone, be +quiet. Tom obeyed, but it was an odd quietness as of something waiting +its time. Conversation drooped as though a blight had fallen upon it, +and once or twice Tom might have been observed to glance towards the +window. + +"I'll have a drink if I won't eat," he declared at last. "I must drink +the young un's health on an occasion like this, after all. Here, mother, +fill up." + +Killigrew leapt to intercept Annie and fetch her the big cider jug from +the dinner-waggon, and giggling like a girl she took it from him and +filled the glasses. Some faint return of gaiety, the sense of it being +Ishmael's evening, returned, and he sat as they raised glasses to him, +in a sudden brightening. As she was tilting hers to her lips, Annie gave +a sudden cry, so sharp everyone stopped, glass in hand. A shadow had +fallen across the window, barring the flow of the westering light, and +towards it Annie was staring. The others followed her gaze. + +Bearded, brown, roughly clad in a big coat hunched about his ears, +Archelaus stood looking in. He continued to stand, motionless, after he +had been seen. Annie cried out again and, almost dropping her tumbler on +to the table, rushed from the room, knocking against the door-frame in +her blundering way as she went. The others stood bewildered a moment, +not taking it in, not recognising the bearded figure that stayed +motionless, itself giving no sign of recognition. It was Ishmael, who +had not seen his brother since he himself was very little, who yet knew +him the first, warned by some instinct. He got up and went out, followed +by the others, who all talked at once though he stayed silent. + +In the yard Annie was clinging around Archelaus, and the big man +suffered it with a better grace than in the old days, though with a +careless good-nature. Tom, smiling, stood a little behind the two of +them. Not to Archelaus's primitive if cunning mind belonged that scheme +for returning the evening of Ishmael's party; it was Tom who for two +days had held him in reluctant seclusion at Penzance so as to spring the +surprise at the least convenient moment. It was characteristic of Tom to +scheme, even when there was nothing to gain by it but a little malicious +gratification, as in this case. + +Not for nothing, however, had Ishmael been trained as he had, and his +voice, so unmistakably that of a gentleman as to strike them with a +sense of something alien, came quietly if a little tremulously for the +first few words. + +"Hullo, Archelaus!" he said, shaking hands before the other's slower +wits had decided whether to proffer the salute or no. "Come along in! +You're just in time for my supper-party...." No speech could have robbed +the conspirators of their little triumph more completely--it offered a +welcome as from one who had the best of rights to invite a guest in, and +at the same time accepted the place as the home of both. Archelaus stood +glowering, thought of nothing to say in reply, and found himself +following his young brother into the house. + +After that the evening ceased to be Ishmael's and became a background +for Archelaus. He had dug for gold in Australia, and if he had not had +the luck of many others who had struck richer claims, he yet brought +home money to fling round upon his fancies. For years he had wandered +over the far places of the earth, so that his skin was tanned darker +than his bleached hair, and his limited vocabulary had enriched itself +with strange and coloured words. He was indeed a man. Even Ishmael felt +that, as he sat in the dim kitchen where they had all gone to see +Archelaus eat a vast meal and listen to his talk. Annie was entranced; +the rare colour burnt on her cheekbones, her fingers rolled and unrolled +her apron ceaselessly; she had relapsed into kitchen ways in a flash +and, swathed in sacking, waited on her big son herself. Vassie tilted a +superior nose and in the intervals tried to impress Archelaus by the +remarkable progress of his family during his absence; but Phoebe, who +had planned for Ishmael, fluttered all spontaneously for Archelaus. It +seemed to her that he was like a demi-god as he sat there, thrusting the +food into his mouth, golden beard dripping with golden cider, careless +limbs outflung. Vassie only saw the inelegance, for he was her brother, +but to Phoebe his very scorn of dainty ways made him more god-like +because more man-like. + +When darkness crept over the kitchen so that the hero could no longer be +seen properly, Annie went into the parlour and returned carrying the +elegant lamp, with its globe of frosted glass, that Vassie, when it was +lit, proceeded to cover with a sort of little cape of quilled pink paper +edged with flowers made of the same material. The room being thus too +dimmed for Annie's fancy, she tilted the shade to one side so that a +white fan of light threw itself upon Archelaus, making his tangled +beard and crisp hair gleam and showing the warm colour brimming in his +face up to the line of white across his untanned brow. So Ishmael saw +him as he rose and went out to cool his own heated cheeks upon the +cliff, and so he saw him as he lay in bed that night, flaring out in a +swimming round of light against the darkness. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +LULL BEFORE STORM + + +There was a place upon the cliff which Ishmael had made peculiarly his, +where he went whenever he wished to be alone, which was not seldom. No +other place since that hollow where the favoured boys had been wont to +meet Hilaria had meant so much to him, and this one had the supreme +advantage that it belonged to him only. The rest of his family did not +indulge in cliff-climbing. Generally he was accompanied there by Wanda, +his big farm-dog, a jolly, rollicking, idiotically adoring creature who +spent her days wriggling and curvetting at his feet, her silly pink +tongue dabbing at him, her moist eyes beaming through her tangled +fringe. She was not very clever, being one of those amiable fool dogs +whose quality of heart is their chief recommendation, but she had a +certain wisdom of her own nevertheless. + +Nowhere on all the coast was it possible to see a wider stretch of sky +than from this plateau half-way down the sloping turf-clad cliff. On +either side was ranked headland after headland, growing dimmer with the +soft bruised hue of distance, while the plateau itself was set in an +inward-curving stretch of cliff from which the whole line of the horizon +made a vast convexity. Sometimes Ishmael would lie upon his back and, +blotting the green protruding edge of the plateau from his mind, watch +only the sky and sea, where, such was their expanse, it was often +possible to glimpse three different weathers in one sweeping glance. +Away to the left, where, far out to sea, the Longships stuck a white +finger out of the foam, a sudden squall might come up, obliterating +lighthouse, headlands, all the sea to the cliff's foot, with its purple +smother. Directly in front of him, below a piled mass of cumuli that +hung darkly from zenith to horizon, a line of livid whiteness would show +the sea's rim, while nearer him, half-way across the watery floor, great +shafts of light, flanked by others of varying brightness, poured down +from a gap in the cloud-roof and split themselves in patches of molten +silver upon the leaden greyness. And at his furthest right a sky of pure +pale blue might arch to where layers of filmy cirrus were blurred by a +faint burnished hue that was neither brown nor rose but a mingling of +the delicate exhaust of both. + +Killigrew was not long in discovering this place, which he declared +presented an unrivalled stage for the setting of vast dream-dramas he +watched trailing their cloudy way across it, and Ishmael was not loth to +share his plateau with him. The incursion of Vassie was another matter, +but by this time--nearly a month after that momentous birthday--Ishmael +felt helplessly drifting. He was enjoying himself, while Killigrew +showed no signs of wishing to return to Paris and Vassie was blooming as +never before. She sat to him for sketches that never were finished, and +that to her eyes, though she did not say so, looked just the same even +when Killigrew declared a stroke more would wreck their perfection. +Ishmael was neglecting his personal supervision of the farm these +days--he had developed a new theory that it was time he tested how far +things could go well without him. He had heard a hint or two dropped to +the effect that the friend from foreign parts was only amusing himself +with proud Vassie, but he paid no heed. What could be more absurd, he +reflected, than the idea that she could want a boy a couple of years her +junior and a mere student to fall in love with her? Thus Ishmael, while +Killigrew laughed at him and with Vassie all day long, and she glowed +and answered him and seemed as light-hearted, as either of them. + +On a sunlit day, one of those March days which, in Cornwall, can hold a +sudden warmth borrowed from the months to come, they all three sat upon +the grass of the plateau, accompanied by Boase, who had taken them on an +expedition to an ancient British village, where, with many little +screams, Vassie's wide skirts had had to be squeezed and pulled through +the dark underground "rooms" of a dead people. Now, as the day drew to a +burnished close, they all sat upon the soft turf, and Killigrew and +Ishmael watched with half-closed eyes the play of the sea-birds below +them. The wheatears flirted their black and white persons over the +rocks, the gulls dipped and wheeled, planed past them on level wings, +uttering their harsh cries, or for a flashing moment rested so close +that the blot of blood-red above their curved yellow beaks showed +vividly; out to sea a gannet hung a sheer two hundred feet in air, then +dropped, beak downwards.... He hit the sea like a stone with his +plumage-padded breast, a column of water shot up from his meteoric fall, +and he reappeared almost before it subsided with his prey already down +his shaken throat. Killigrew clapped his hands in approbation and Vassie +feigned interest. + +"What a life!" exclaimed Killigrew; "if we do have to live again in the +form of animals, I hope I shall be a bird, a sea-bird for choice. Just +imagine being a gull or a gannet.... I wish one could paint the pattern +they make in the air as they fly--a vast invisible web of curves, all of +them pure beauty." + +"Don't wish to be a bird in this part of the world, then," advised the +Parson drily. + +"Why not? Don't they have a good time?" + +"If you had watched as long as I have ... seen all the mutilated birds +with trailing legs and broken wings that pick up a miserable living as +long as the warm weather lasts.... There's not a boy in the countryside, +save a few in whom I've managed to instil the fear of the Lord, that +doesn't think he's a perfect right to throw stones at them, and, worse, +to catch them on devilish little hooks and as likely as not throw them +aside to die when caught. Grown men do it--it's quite a trade. I know +one who, if he catches on his hooks a bird he does not want, wrenches +its beak open and, tearing the hook out, flings the bird away to die. +This just mutilates the bird sufficiently to prevent it getting caught +and giving him all the trouble over again. And the Almighty does not +strike this man with his lightning from heaven.... I sometimes marvel at +the patience of God, and in my short-sighted ignorance even deplore +it...." + +"Don't tell me," said Killigrew swiftly. "I don't want to know. I'd +rather think they were all safe and happy. It isn't as though one could +do anything." + +"One can do very little. Lack of imagination, which is doubtless the sin +against the Holy Ghost, is at the root of it, and to that the tongues of +men and of angels plead in vain. But something can be done with the +children, if one gets them young enough, or so one hopes. Sometimes I +reproach myself because when one of the people who practise these +abominations is in pain and grief, I look on and feel very little pity +when I remember all. 'It is not here the pain of the world is swelled,' +I say to myself; 'it is out on the rocks, in the fields, where the +little maimed things are creeping and wondering why, and the rabbits are +crying all night in the traps....' It could all be so easily avoided; +that's what makes it worse. Deliberately to augment the sum of suffering +in the world, where there must be so much--it's inconceivable." + +"Like adding to the sum of ugliness. These people do that too," said +Killigrew, thinking of the hideous houses and chapels run up day by +day; "and it's all so beautiful and looks so happy if one only lets it +alone...." + +"There's a queer vein of cruelty in the Celt--at least in the Cornish +Celt--that is worse than the Latin," went on Boase. "When they are +angered they wreak vengeance on anything. And sometimes when there are a +lot of them together under circumstances which you would think would +have roused their pity, the devil of wanton cruelty enters into them. I +shall never forget when a school of whales came ashore in the Bay ... +they lay there stranded, poor creatures! And from the oldest man to the +little boys out of school a blood-lust came on everyone. They tore and +hacked at the poor creatures with penknives and any weapon they could +get, they carved their names on them and stopped up their blow-holes +with stones, till the place was a perfect shambles and the blood soaked +into the sand as into an arena in ancient Rome.... Nobody could stop +them. It was a sight to make one weep for shame that one was a man." + +Ishmael lay in silence. He knew--no one with eyes to see could live +there and not know--but, like Killigrew, he had always tried not to +think too much about it. He was so unable to take things superficially +that he feared thought, and hence often did less than men who did not +care as much. He gave a slight movement now that was not so much +impatience as a thrusting away of a thing that sickened him and which he +felt he could not stem. It seemed to him that the glory of the day had +departed. He, too, remembered that shambles of which the Parson spoke; +it had been the first time the pain in the world he so loved had come +home to him. He remembered now how, as he and the Parson had come back, +in melancholy silence, from that scene of blood, his own declarations +about its being such a good world, made to the Parson on his first night +home and repeated so often since to his own high-beating heart, had +mocked at him. What did it avail being happy when there was such pain in +the world? Himself or another, or, worse still, these innocents that +could not philosophise about it--that any should suffer made all +happiness futile. The same deadly consciousness came upon him now on the +sunny cliff, and he resented that the topic should have been started, +himself keeping a sullen silence. But the Parson turned and spoke +directly to him. + +"By the way," he said, "I hate to have to tell you, but I hear, and I'm +afraid it's true, that Archelaus is starting bush-beating on the estate +again. I met John-Willy Jacka coming back from the direction of the wood +late one night with a suspicious-looking sack and a bludgeon, and next +day I asked John-James if he knew anything. He didn't give anyone away, +but I gathered--" + +"If it's true--" Ishmael paused for sheer rage, then went on: "I'll +tackle John-Willy, and if it's true he can go. But of course it's +Archelaus really, just because he knows how I feel about it. It isn't +even as though it were the season for it, if you can talk of a season +for such a thing, but no one can be very hard up for food as late as +this. Oh, if I can't be free of him even now he's working at +Botallack--" + +"I had such a quarrel with Mamma about that this morning," struck in +Vassie, who disliked the conversation and thought she had been out of it +long enough. "She was boasting at breakfast--after you'd gone out, +Ishmael--that Archelaus was a captain now, and I laughed, and said it +was more than he'd ever been in the army, but that of course a mine +captain wasn't a real one ... and she was furious. She said it was quite +real enough for her and Archelaus anyway, though perhaps not for the +likes of me. I met Archelaus at the mill the other day when I was over +seeing Phoebe, and he certainly did seem smart, ever so different +from when he came back. You wouldn't have known him." + +She ended on her high laugh and rolled over a little woolly puppy that +lay in her lap, burying her long fingers in its coat. She was perched +upon a grassy slope like some vast moth that had alighted there, her +pale skirts spread, a white cashmere shawl swathed about her shoulders, +her golden head tipped back on her full throat. Over her, like a swaying +flower, a tiny parasol reared on a long tasselled stalk, held in +Killigrew's hand as he lounged beside her. He let his eyes run over her +now, tipping the parasol to one side so that at his pleasure the late +sunlight should touch her hair and her still flawless skin. She knew she +could stand the test, and stayed a moment before motioning him to tip +the parasol back again. + +"It seems to me Archelaus is going a lot to the mill," observed +Killigrew idly, and more for the purpose of saying something than +because he really thought so. "I ran into him there the other day when I +was doing my sketch of it." + +A short hush, pregnant with thought, followed on his words. To Boase and +Vassie--those two so different beings--came the swift reflection "That +would not be at all a bad thing. It would remove a danger." + +Killigrew was interested, as an onlooker, in the idea of the alliance +his own words had suggested. Ishmael felt an irrational little pang. +Phoebe's smiles, her little friendliness, had always belonged to +him--Archelaus would crush them as big fingers rub the powder off a +butterfly's wings.... If he and Archelaus had been more truly brothers +it would have been a very nice arrangement ... little Phoebe would +make a sweeter sister in some ways than the imperious Vassie.... + +"This puppy is for Phoebe," cried Vassie, breaking into a hurried +speech; "it's been promised her a long time. She's so fond of pets." + +This was true. Phoebe's maternal instincts made her love to have a +soft, helpless little lamb or calf dependent on her; but it seemed her +instinct was oddly animal in quality, for when the creature on which she +had lavished so much care grew to sturdiness she saw it go to the +butcher's knife with unimpaired cheerfulness and turned her attentions +to the next weakling. It was a standing joke against Phoebe that she +called all her hens by name and nursed them from the egg up, only to +inform you brightly at some meal that it was Henrietta, or Garibaldi, or +whatever luckless bird it might be, that you were devouring. + +"If you like I'll take that puppy over to the mill now, if you'll see +Wanda doesn't follow to bring it back," observed Ishmael, getting to his +feet, "and then perhaps I can find out something about this bush-beating +scare. If Archelaus is there--" + +"Be careful, Ishmael," said the Parson quietly. + +"Oh, I'll keep my temper, or try to. Coming with me, Joe?" + +Vassie sat nonchalantly picking blades of grass. She would sooner never +have seen Killigrew again than have asked him to stay with her, even +than have suggested, with apparent carelessness, some plan that should +keep him. But she waited with throbbing heart for his answer. + +"I'd like to," said Killigrew briskly; "I've been abominably lazy till +to-day, and that means I shall get fat. And when a person with light +eyelashes and sandy whiskers gets fat all is over. I should have to go +into my Guv'nor's business and become an alderman." + +He reared his singularly graceful self up from the grass as he spoke and +helped Vassie to her feet. + +"Good-bye, both of you, then," said Vassie, withdrawing her hand when +she was on her feet. "If you're going to the mill, I'll expect you when +I see you." + +This would have been arch had Vassie been a little less clever; as it +was it sounded so natural that even that man-of-the-world, Killigrew, +was taken in. As he set off with Ishmael he felt a moment's regret that +he had not stayed with Vassie--a moment inspired by her lack of pique at +his not having stayed. + +The sun that had gilded Vassie's head had sunk swiftly by the time they +reached the mill; and when the miller opened to their knock a flood of +lamplight came out to mingle with the soft dusk. Phoebe's mother had +died some two or three years earlier, and since then the miller had +lived with only an old aunt of his own to help him look after his +daughter. He peered out at them almost anxiously, Ishmael thought, and +seemed rather upset at sight of him. + +"Who's that there?" he asked sharply; then, as Killigrew stepped forward +round the porch: "I thought maybe Phoebe was weth 'ee." + +"Phoebe? Oh, no!" said Ishmael; "why, is she out?" + +"'Tes of no account," replied the miller. "I reckon she'm just gone +down-along to see to the fowls or semthen. Will 'ee come in, you and your +Lunnon friend?" + +Ishmael hesitated, then, remembering on what errand he had come, he +stepped in, and, despite Killigrew's obvious unwillingness, they found +themselves pledged to stay to supper. + +"We really only just came to bring Phoebe this puppy my sister +promised her," Ishmael explained. "It's the pick of our Wanda's litter +and Phoebe had set her heart on it." Ishmael held up the squirming +little thing as he spoke, and it licked its black nose nervously with a +pink tongue that came out curled up like a leaf. + +"Ah! she'm rare and fond o' dumb animals, is our Phoebe," said the +miller, who seemed gratified at this mark of attention. "So long as she +can have some lil' weak thing to make a fool on she'm happy, I b'lieve. +'Tes a woman's way." + +"It's a very nice way for us poor devils of men," said Killigrew, +laughing. + +Supper was a short and oddly nervous meal, and still Phoebe did not +come in. Ishmael at last felt there was no use staying longer and rose. + +"Good-night to you, Mr. Lenine," he said. "I expect I'll find Phoebe +over at Cloom. If I do, I'll see her home." + +"Good-night to you both," said the miller cordially enough; but when +they turned the corner by the wheel he was still peering after them as +though beset by some uneasiness. + +"Rum old bird," opined Killigrew, as they swung along in the darkness. +As they reached the cliff again something brushed through the bushes +away to their right, but as they called and no one answered they +concluded it was a fox or some other wanderer of the night and went on. +Further along still they came on a man leaning against a stone step that +crested a wall they had to pass. + +He did not move at their approach, and Ishmael touched him on the +sleeve. + +"Here, we want to pass, please," he said. + +"So you want to pass, do you?" said the man, with a slow laugh. "You +want to pass ...? Well, pass.... I'll not hinder 'ee passing here nor +yet to a place that's a sight further on...." + +"Archelaus!" exclaimed Ishmael, peering into the darkness. But the man +had already moved off and was lumbering down the field, and the sound of +his quiet mirth was all that came back to them. + +"I really think sometimes that Archelaus must have had a touch of the +sun out in Australia," declared Ishmael as they mounted the stile after +a brief awkward silence. + +"If it's only that ..." was all that Killigrew would vouchsafe. + +"What do you mean?" + +"Nothing. Only you're sure he wouldn't do anything to hurt you ...? He +doesn't seem to love you by all I've heard and seen since I've been +here." + +"Of course not. What an idea! He does hate me pretty badly, I'm afraid, +but I'm out of his reach. Archelaus knows what side his bread is +buttered; he has a well-paid job and wouldn't do anything to upset it." + +"There doesn't seem much love lost between you." + +"There isn't. I'm incapable of being fair to Archelaus, as he to me, the +difference being that I admit it and he doesn't." + +"I wonder what he's up to now," exclaimed Killigrew, looking back from +the height of the stile; "there's a light gleaming out. Looks as though +he were lighting a lantern or signalling with it--" + +"A lantern...." Ishmael scrambled up beside the other and his voice was +alert. "Then perhaps there is something in this idea of the Parson's. I +say, let's follow him. If he goes towards the wood it's fairly certain +he's up to something, if it's only wiring rabbits." + +"Isn't it rather looking for trouble, old chap?" demurred Killigrew, who +did not know the name of fear for himself but was conscious of some +undefined dread that had stirred in him at the greeting of Archelaus. + +"Better go back, perhaps," he added; "they'll be expecting us. What +d'you say?" + +"That I'm going to follow Archelaus.... I'm about sick of him and his +underhand ways. You don't know how he's made me suffer in all sorts of +little things this past month. Talking to my own men at the inn and the +farms, laughing at me. Even John-Willy Jacka goes after him now, that +used to be a youngster with me.... You can go home if you like." + +"Don't be a greater ass than you can help," advised Killigrew genially, +and the two set off together for the point where the light had just +flickered and gone out, as though the slide had been drawn over the +lantern, if lantern it were. On a dim stretch of road they made out a +form that bulked like that of Archelaus; it was joined by another and +then by two more, and all four set off towards the wood, Killigrew and +Ishmael behind them. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THE BUSH-BEATING + + +In all the bleak country "the wood" represented mystery, glamour. It +made a dark wedge between two folds of moorland, its tree-tops level +with the piled boulders on the northern side, like a deeply green tarn +lapping the edge of some rocky shore. Oak, beech and ash, hawthorn, +sycamore and elder, went to make the solid bosses of verdure that filled +the valley, while at one end a grove of furs stood up blackly, winter +and summer. Giant laurels, twisted and writhing creations of a +nightmare, spread their snake-like branches beneath the rocky wall at +one side of the wood, and in spring they shook their pale, sickly +tassels in a gloom that was as green, as freckled with shallows of +light, as underseas. A stream gurgled through its depths, increasing the +illusion of a watery element. All over the sloping floor of the wood, +where the red leaves drifted high in due season, huge boulders were +piled, moss-grown, lividly decked with orange fungi, and surrounded by a +thick undergrowth of holly and elder bushes. This place had no name +beyond "the wood"--enough distinction in that county where a copse of +ash or fir was all that scarred moor and pasture with shadow. It was +just within Ishmael's property, marking his most inland boundary, and he +cherished it as something dearer than all his money-yielding acres. It +had been his ambition to make it the home of every bird that built its +nest there, of every badger or rabbit or toad or slow-worm that +sheltered in its fastnesses. No life should cry there for the teeth of +the trap, no feathers scatter for the brutal violating of the +sheltering bushes. Thus Ishmael, but otherwise Archelaus.... There was +little doubt what he and his fellows had come for: there were a +half-dozen of them when all were met, and all carried cudgels or flails +made of knotted cloth, and walked cautiously, whispering to each other +lest the birds should take premature flight. Ishmael and Killigrew +lagged behind them, waiting for certainty before discovering themselves. + +It was deadlily dark in the wood, with a darkness more unbroken than the +stillness which yet seemed part of it. A thousand little scraping noises +broke the quiet air, chill and dank. Leaves pattered against each other, +twigs rubbed faintly, brittle things broke under the lightest foot. +Still hardly a wing unfolded ever so little, not a distressful chirp +heralded the slaughter that threatened. Gradually, to eyes growing used +to the gloom, differing shades of darkness became apparent; it was +faintly marked by them as the silence by the sounds.... + +Still the feathers were unstirred on the breasts where tiny beaks were +thrust in sleep; round, bright eyes were filmed by the delicate lids; +the bushes held undisturbed the little lives confided to them. + +Suddenly a funnel of light flared into the darkness, intensifying it, +waking into vivid green a full-foliaged holly; a rain of blows echoed +back and forth through the night, a whirr of bewildered wings mingled +with it, a frantic piping that was drowned in the clamour even as it +burst forth. High overhead the startled wood-pigeons flew out into the +free air above the tree-tops, their clamour filling the whole place with +the beating of wings that in the dark seemed mighty as the wings of +avenging angels, but availed their tiny brethren nothing. In that one +minute there fell, beaten into the undergrowth to die miserably or +flailed into the greedy hands and caps of the murderers, some half a +hundred innocent and lovely lives, all of them torn out in an agony of +fear without knowing why. Ishmael ran forward, not even hearing his own +voice as it shouted oaths he never knew he had used. + +The men stopped at their work, caps and sticks in hand, staring +stupidly; only Archelaus, after a first moment's pause, showed no +astonishment. It was not till long afterwards that it occurred to +Ishmael to wonder whether his brother had all along known he followed, +and it was a question that was to remain for ever unanswered. Archelaus +lifted his lantern, which first gleamed on the red surprise of +John-Willy Jacka's face, then on the foolish mask of Silly Peter, the +local idiot, who stood slackly agape between a couple of miners. Then +Archelaus brought the light round, to fall on Ishmael's pale face ere +swinging it on to Killigrew. + +"Lads, here's the young gentlemen from the Manor!" he cried--"come to +see a bit o' bush-beaten; let's show 'en, shall us?" And, still holding +his lantern so that its light fell on them, he deliberately let drive +with his great stick at a branch where a wounded bird was crushed upon a +sharp twig. + +Ishmael sprang forward and laid hands on the stick, twisting at it with +all his strength. Archelaus gave for a flash under the sudden onslaught, +but, recovering himself at once, held the stick steady with one hand +against all the twisting of Ishmael's two. He laughed a little as he did +so. Silly Peter, under the impression that it was all part of the fun, +laughed too. + +"You beast!... you beast!..." Ishmael was saying as he tussled. +Killigrew caught at his arm. + +"Say something to them, Ishmael; say something to them. Don't go on like +that ..." he muttered urgently. + +Ishmael turned on him a face distorted with passion. "Say +something--what is there to say to brutes like that? Ah!..." + +Archelaus had thrown the lantern underfoot and trampled it out; a +darkness impenetrable to dazzled eyes enwrapped them. Killigrew, keeping +his head amidst the scuffing he heard, dived for where he had seen young +Jacka standing in guilty stillness, his dark lantern dangling from his +hand. Almost at once Killigrew felt his own fingers meet its smooth, +slightly hot surface; he wrenched it away and fumbled desperately at the +slide. A beam, pale but wavering, shot out into the darkness as he +succeeded in his effort, and by its light, as men in moments of emotion +may see some one thing or action painted on their retina by a lightning +flash, he saw Archelaus bringing his stick, muffled in a coat, down on +Ishmael's head. The next second the blow fell--there had not been time +for Archelaus to check the impetus of the blow when the discovering +light flared onto him. There came the heavy sound of a body falling on +the thick-piled leaves. Archelaus stumbled up against Killigrew, +knocking the lantern from his hand; it hit against a boulder and went +out. + +It was the voice of Archelaus that broke the stricken stillness. + +"Don't 'ee move, you chaps ..." it said, in tones that made a ghastly +essay at confidence and trembled despite his efforts. "I fear Silly +Peter's done someone a hurt.... I saw en striking out.... Why ded'n 'ee +all keep still same as I ded ... someone light a lantern...." Followed a +sound of fumbling, and then a light wavered in Killigrew's fingers; he +picked up and lit a lantern. By its light could be seen Archelaus +holding a bewildered Silly Peter, whose mouth and eyes hung open with +fear, while from his hand depended a stick wrapped in a coat. Even in +that dim light wet marks could be seen on it. The brain of Archelaus, +perhaps stirred to activity by his first inspiration of attack as much +as by the hatred that had suddenly welled up uncontrollably, had for +once worked with a desperate quickness. Everyone stared at one another +over the body of Ishmael that lay huddled on its face in the leaves. + +"Help me pick him up, you two," ordered Killigrew to Jacka; "and you +there, go ahead with the light. Who is the fastest runner?" + +"I'll go for doctor," said Archelaus. "'Tes my right. He'n my brother." +He boggled a little at the word. + +"You!" began Killigrew, then stopped. His quick intuition had told him +how important it was to Archelaus also to be the first to get the +doctor. Killigrew was not a cynic, even at that age; he was merely +supremely utilitarian. + +"Off you go," he said, "and remember I shall be timing you. The doctor +must be at Cloom as soon as we are." + +"He shall be," declared Archelaus, and meant it. He kept his word. By +the time that Ishmael had been laid beneath the drooping Christ who had +seen so much of passion and misery, of birth and death, in that same bed +spread before Him, the doctor was there too. And round the bed clustered +as many distraught women, and men hovering at their skirts, as gathered +at the foot of the plaster Calvary above. Even the intent dog was not +wanting, as poor Wanda, conscious of disaster to the being she +worshipped, whimpered and shivered, her back curved in an arch of +distress, by the head of the bed. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +THE HEART OF THE CYCLONE + + +There are times in life when our affairs are at some high crest, when +all emotion and the processes of thought become intensified and +crystallised: the slightest incident makes a deep-bitten impression; the +most momentary effect of colour or lighting, or the tones of a voice, +remain in the memory indissolubly connected with the phase the mind is +passing through. Every sense is hung upon a hair-trigger, and even +irrelevant things touch more sharply than usual, in the same way that a +magnifying glass reveals the minutest pores and hairs on the hand +holding whatever the primary object to be looked at may be. They are +mercifully few, those periods of intense clarity, for they leave a mind +and heart deadened and surfeited, that slowly awake to the dull +consciousness of pain, even as the body, numbed by a severe accident, +only after a while awakes to sentient aching. Ishmael passed into this +phase in the first days after the scene in the wood, before physically +he was conscious of much beyond a dull throbbing in his head. + +He lay and stared from out his bandages, feigning more stupor than he +felt in his passionate craving to keep off all discussion and inquiry. +He lay and watched the spring sunlight creep over the whitewashed wall +opposite, and every slow black fly that crawled across the patch of +warmth might have been crawling over his raw nerves. He almost expected +the surface of the wall to contract like a skin and twitch them off, as +he felt his own skin doing out of sympathy. + +In the night, when the wall was filmed with shadow save for the faint +flickering of a rushlight that made great rounds of light upon the +dimness, then he saw all his life at Cloom passing in a shadow show +across the wall, crawling like the flies.... He was never delirious; +physically his fine and sane constitution was recovering well from a +nasty blow--it was merely as though all his mind had been set a little +faster, like a newly-regulated clock, a clock set to work backwards; and +he could hear its ticking through all the sounds of everyday life that, +hushed as much as might be, came into his room. + +He felt sick of it all, sick of the striving at Cloom, of the quarrels +with Archelaus, of Tom's cat-like attacks, of his mother's plaints, of +the cruelties he felt spoiling the whole countryside like a leprosy. He +cared for no one near him except Killigrew, because he alone stood for +the things of an alien world. He hated the sound of John-James' boots +that never failed to go a tip-toe over the cobbles below his window. He +wanted nothing, not even to get away from it all. He was too absorbed +watching it upon the wall, hearing his own mind ticking out its comments +like that horrible instrument Vassie had upon the piano to time her +exercises. + +It was the first time since the fit in his childhood, which he did not +remember, that he had ever lain helpless or suffered in his body, and he +was aware of humiliation. All he could remember of the scene in the wood +showed him his own futility. Everything was wasted--nothing he had done +was any good nor the doing of it, then or ever again, at all worth +while. Nothing seemed to matter. + +So passed the first two days of his consciousness, and the speed at +which the clock of his mind was regulated made the world's time seem +interminable. When the two days had gone they seemed to him to be +lengthy, not as two weeks or years or anything in a known measure of +counting, but as some period of time spaced quite differently. This is +the time that only sick people know, that fills their eyes with +knowledge not understood of the healthy sympathisers beside their beds, +who, though they may have sat the nights and days out with them, yet +have not the same measure to count the passing of their hours. + +With the third day came pain, bodily pain, and that saved Ishmael. It +seemed to him then that physical hurts were so far worse than mental +that his dread depression vanished before it. He would have welcomed +that back to save his body a pang; it seemed to him his head must burst +with the pain raging in it, and he cared about nothing else in the +world. When that too passed he was as one who has floated out of stormy +seas into smooth waters--too weak to navigate them, but blissfully aware +that it does not matter, they are safe and he can drift with the +current. It was only then he began to talk, and he never once referred +to what had happened. He asked where Archelaus was, and when he heard he +had gone back to his work in the mine that day he said no more. And it +was characteristic of Ishmael that no one ever knew whether he were +aware of that impulse of his brother's, and what it had nearly led to, +or not. With cessation of physical pain and the exhaustion of the +high-keyed string of his mind, came blessed reaction. Even the fact that +nothing mattered ceased to matter. The suggestion, emanating +simultaneously from the Parson and Killigrew that he should accompany +the latter back to London stirred him to only a faint thrill--indeed, a +certain disinclination to accept the offer was almost as strong as the +urgings of the common sense which told him that soon he would be won to +pleasure and interest, once the initial effort was over. Still, as the +days slipped past, he found himself looking forward more and more +keenly. + +On the afternoon before he was to go to town he was resting on a couch +in his room when the sounds of Vassie's arrogant but not unpleasing +voice came floating up to him from the parlour as she sang her latest +song, the fashionable "Maiden's Prayer." He smiled a little to himself; +he could picture Killigrew, leaning attentive, turning the pages, +smiling between narrowed lids at the lovely thing she looked--chin +raised and full throat vibrant--yet giving so little away beyond his +admiration. The song faded, silence fell, then a door opened and closed. +Vassie's voice was raised, this time in welcome. He guessed the visitor +to be Phoebe from the fluttered feminine quality of the sounds +below--staccato sentences whose words he could not catch, but whose very +rhythm, broken and eager, betrayed them. A moment later, and a knock +came at his door. + +It was Vassie who entered, somewhat sulkily, her beauty clouded by a +shade of reluctance--Phoebe, shrinking, palpitant, staying in the +shadowy passage. + +"Phoebe has come to know if she may say good-bye to you, Ishmael?" +said Vassie. "She's heard you're going to London, and can't believe +you'll ever come back safely...." + +"Why, Phoebe, that's kind of you," he called; "but won't you come in +for a moment?" He was pleased after a mild fashion to see her--she at +least stood for something not too intimately connected with his own +household, he told himself. The next moment he remembered that there had +been some suggestion--what his blurred recollection of it could not tell +him--that she might be being courted by Archelaus; but the slight recoil +of distaste stirred within him fell away before her frank eagerness, her +kindly warmth, as she pattered into the room, her skirts swaying around +her. She sat primly down beside the couch while Vassie stayed by its +foot, determined not to sit down also and so give an air of settled ease +to the interview. + +"I--I hope you are better, Ishmael?" faltered Phoebe. She had never +before been in a young man's bedroom, even bereft of its tenant, and she +felt shy and fluttered. + +"Oh, I'm all right!" answered Ishmael. "I don't think poor Silly Peter +has enough muscle to hit very hard, you know." + +A look of intense relief floated across the strained demureness of +Phoebe's countenance: raised eyelids and a heightened colour testified +to what passed through her mind. + +"Oh, then it was Silly Peter--" she began ingenuously; then broke off. + +"Yes, didn't you know? He was dazed with the lights, and then the sudden +darkness and all of us being so angry, I suppose.... Hullo, what's +that?" + +It was Killigrew's voice calling softly up the stairs to Vassie. She +hesitated, made a feint of going to the door only to hear what he +wanted, and then went rustling down to him. Phoebe snuggled a little +more comfortably on her chair with an unconscious movement of pleasure. + +"He said downstairs he wanted to finish taking her picture to-day while +the light lasted," she said; then ran on: "Ishmael, I've been so +unhappy...." + +"Have you, Phoebe? Why, what about?" Then, as he saw her flush and +bite her pouting lower lip, he added: "Not because of me? I say, how +jolly of you! But there wasn't any necessity--" + +"How silly you are! As if one did things--worried and that sort of +thing--because it was necessary! It's because one can't help it." + +"Then it was all the nicer of you. But I meant that really it wasn't +anything to worry about. I'm as right as rain, and it's given me a jolly +good excuse to go up to London and see the world." + +Panic peeped in Phoebe's brown eyes, giving her a flashing look of +something woodland, despite her would-be smart attire. She dropped her +lids to hide it. + +"London...." she murmured. Then, sitting upright, and staring at her +twisting fingers: + +"Ishmael!..." + +A pause which Ishmael broke by asking, "Well?" + +"Nothing. Only--I was wondering. Whether you ... how you'd like London, +and whether you wouldn't find down here, and all of us, very dull when +you come back?" + +"What rot! Of course not! Why should I?" asked Ishmael, already so in +London in anticipation that he could not even take an interest in his +return to this older world. + +"Oh, I don't know. I only wondered. You never wonder about things, do +you, Ishmael?" + +"I don't think I ever do anything else." + +"Not in the way I mean. You wonder about life and all sorts of things +like that that I don't bother about, but not about people, about what +you feel for them. That's what I mean by wondering." + +"Oh, feeling!..." said Ishmael in a gruff embarrassment; "I dunno. Yes I +do, though. I don't think what one feels is so very important--not the +personal part of it, anyway. There's such a lot of things in the world, +and somehow it seems waste of energy to be always tearing oneself to +tatters over one's personal relationship towards any one other person." + +Phoebe tried to snatch at the words that blew past over her head as +far as her comprehension of them was concerned. + +"But how can you say it's not important?" she exclaimed reproachfully. +"Even being married wouldn't seem important if you looked at it that +way." + +"Even being married...." repeated Ishmael. Inwardly came the swift +thought: "Well, why is there all this fuss about it, anyway?" All he +said was: + +"Why, have you been thinking of getting married, Phoebe?" + +"A lady can't be the first to think of it...." said Phoebe. + +"I suppose not," he agreed, true to his own age and that in which he +lived. Conversation lay quiescent between them; he was aware of a +sensation of weariness and wished she would go, pretty as she looked +sitting there in her circle of swelling skirt and trim little jacket +that fitted over her round breast and left bare her soft throat. + +"Have you ever ...?" asked Phoebe suddenly. + +"Have I ever what?" + +"Thought of it ... of getting married?" + +"Good Lord! not yet. There's been such a lot of other things...." + +"Well, when you do I'll hope you'll be very happy," said Phoebe. + +"Thanks! I hope so too." + +"I don't suppose you'll know me then." + +"Why ever not?" + +"Oh, well, of course you'll marry a real lady, and she wouldn't want to +know me. She'd think me common." + +"What utter nonsense, Phoebe! Do all girls talk such silly nonsense? +Why, of course I'll always be far too fond of you to lose sight of you, +and I expect you and my wife--how idiotic that sounds--will be no end of +friends." He did not think so; but there struck him that there was +something rather plaintive and wistful about Phoebe that afternoon. +Suddenly she rose and settled the basque of her jacket with quick, +nervous fingers. + +"I must go," she said hurriedly. "I don't know what Vassie'll say at me +staying up here like this." + +"It was awfully nice of you to come," said Ishmael, taking the little +hand that lay idle against a flounce. She made no motion to withdraw it +or to move away, and glancing up at her he saw there were tears in her +eyes. As he looked they slipped over her lashes and rolled down her +cheeks. She made no effort to stay them, nor did she sob--she cried with +the effortless sorrow of a tired child. + +"Phoebe! why, what's the matter? Are you unhappy about anything? +Phoebe, do tell me what it is?" + +She shook her head but stammered out: + +"It's nothing, but I'm sort of frightened.... I can't tell you about +what. And I thought you might be able to help me and put it all right, +but you can't." + +"How do you know I can't? You haven't tried me." + +"Yes, I have," she said, half-laughing now through her tears that were +already dry upon her cheeks. Whatever thought, whatever fear, whatever +glimpsing of dread possibilities in herself or in some other person had +brought her to his side that afternoon was already weighing less +unbearably upon her, though she had failed in her attempt to find an +easing. Her mind simply could not sustain for long one idea, and in the +passing moment she was always able to find distraction. She found it now +in Vassie, who came sweeping in, slightly flushed and with a lighter +manner than that with which she had ushered in Phoebe. She bore her +off with promise of tea and a look at new gowns with none the less +determination, but the sight of tearstains on Phoebe's cheek at once +softened and relieved her. + +Ishmael was left with a vague feeling that he had failed Phoebe in +something she had expected of him. Yet for himself he was cheered by her +visit, for it had served to bring him out of that dead, still peace +where he had been for so many days, that had not lightened even with +returning strength, but that had been swept away by the breath of the +commonplace Phoebe brought with her. + +As to Vassie, she was occupied with wondering whether the passionate yet +careless caresses that Killigrew had lavished on her that afternoon +"meant anything" or not. He had told her that in France they always +said that "love was an affair of the skin...." And she knew she had a +perfect skin. Killigrew had told her it was perfect to stroke as well as +gaze upon; none of her English swains had ever told her that. She always +looked on Killigrew as a foreigner because he was so alien to herself. + +Yet that evening he spent with Ishmael and the Parson, and the next day +a grey uncertain morning of blown clouds found Ishmael and Killigrew +both seated in the train while she waved her handkerchief at them from a +receding platform. And if that handkerchief were to be wet with tears +that were not for her brother nor yet for Killigrew except in so far as +he had, with his gay tongue and sudden secret kisses, awakened hopes in +her that she was beginning to see, by his very nature, could have no +foundation, at least she let no one even guess at it. They were tears of +rage, almost as much with herself as him, and if Killigrew were never to +have had more upon his conscience than a light flirtation with this +ambitious and far from ignorant girl, there would have been little to +disturb his healthy slumbers. Vassie was not one to waste time over the +regrets that eat at the heart, and, though she could not altogether +stifle pain at the outset, her strong-set will made the inevitable +period of recurrent pangs shorter for her than for most. Killigrew had +played the game quite fairly according to his code; it was Vassie's +ignorance of any form of philandering beyond the crude interchange of +repartee and kisses of the young clerks she had hitherto met that had +made the playing of it unequal. She and Phoebe were both enacting the +oldest woman's part in the world--that of being left behind to wait; and +it was two very unwitting youths who left them. As the train gathered +speed on its long journey both Ishmael and Killigrew had their minds on +what lay before them, not on anything left behind. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +NEW HORIZONS + + +When Ishmael laid his aching head upon the pillow one night a week later +in the Tavistock Square house of Mr. Alderman Killigrew it carried +within a whirl of impressions so confused that days would have been +needed in which to sort them out. London--the London of the +'sixties--noisy with hoofs and iron-bound wheels upon its cobbles and +macadam, dark with slums that encroached upon its gayest ways, +glittering with night-houses and pleasure gardens that focussed light +till dawn, brightened as with clustered bubbles by the swelling skirts +of ladies of the whole world and the half, was, though smaller, ignorant +of electric light, and without half the broad spaces and great buildings +of the London of to-day, still more sparkling and gayer in its effect +because life was less hidden. The 'sixties were not squeamish, though +they were prudish; a man's own womenfolk were less noticeable than +to-day, not only in such minor detail as the exclusion of them from the +tops of omnibuses; but they, after all, were but a fraction of what went +to make up spectacular life. Those were the days of bloods--when an +officer and a gentleman went as a matter of course to all the cockpits +and gaming houses, the night clubs and rings sacred to the "fancy"; when +it was still the thing for a gentleman to spend his nights in drinking +champagne and playing practical jokes that were forgiven him as a +high-spirited young man who must sow his wild oats and garnish each word +of conversation with an oath. From the comparative respectability of +Cremorne and Motts, and the frankly shady precincts of the "Pie" and +the "Blue Posts" down to places considerably worse, London was an +enormous gamut of opportunities for "seeing life." + +Killigrew, as a merchant's son, however well off, could not penetrate to +the most sacred precincts--Motts was more or less barred to him; but on +the other hand he was in the midst of what was always called the +"Bohemian" set--in which were many artists, both the big and the little +fry. One could "see life" there too, though, as usual, most of the +artists were very respectable people. It was a respectable art then in +vogue in England. Frith was the giant of the day, and from the wax +figures at Madame Tussaud's to pictures such as the "Rake's Progress" +the plastic arts had a moral tendency. Even the animals of Sir Edwin +Landseer were the most decorous of all four-footed creatures; Killigrew +blasphemed by calling the admired paintings still-life studies of +animals. But then Killigrew was from Paris and chanted the newer creed; +he was always comparing London unfavourably with Paris even when he was +showing it off most. + +The house in Tavistock Square was grand beyond anything Ishmael had ever +imagined, if a little dismal too. It was furnished with a plethora of +red plush, polished mahogany, and alabaster vases; while terrible though +genuine curios from Mr. Killigrew's foreign agents decorated the least +likely places. You were quite likely to be greeted, on opening your +wardrobe, by a bland ostrich egg, which Mrs. Killigrew, the vaguest of +dear women, would have thrust there and forgotten. She had a +deeply-rooted conviction that there was something indecent about an +ostrich egg--probably its size, emphasising that nakedness which nothing +exhibits so triumphantly as an egg, had something to do with it. + +Mrs. Killigrew was nothing if not "nice," but she was something much +better than that too. Ishmael, though he could no more help laughing at +her than could anyone else, soon felt a genuine affection for her that +he never lost. She was a little wide-eyed, wistful-looking woman, really +supremely contented with life, and, though kindness itself, quite +incapable of realising that anyone could ever really be unhappy or +wicked. "I'm sure the dear Lord knows what's best for us all," was her +comfortable creed, that in one less sweet-natured would have made for +selfishness. + +"I'm sure that'll be very nice, my dears," was her invariable comment on +any programme suggested by the young men; and there was a legend in the +family that Killigrew--or Joseph, as his mother always called him in +full--had once said to her: "How would it be, mother, if I were to +murder the Guv'nor and then take you round the world with me on the +money? We could settle in the South Sea Islands, and I'd marry a darky +and you could look after the picaninny grandchildren?" To which Mrs. +Killigrew had responded: "Yes, dear, that will be very nice; and on your +way, if you're passing the fishmongers', will you tell him to alter the +salmon for this evening to cod, as your father won't be in to dinner?" + +Mr. Killigrew was a thin, pale man, not at all the typical prosperous +merchant, with a skin like the shiny outside of a cold suet pudding, a +high wall of forehead, and the thin-lipped mouth of a lawyer. Perhaps it +was because of that mouth he was such a successful trader, while the +brow provided him with enough philosophy to bear gladly with a child so +different from himself--always a hard blow to egoism. + +Mr. Killigrew approved of Ishmael; he liked his keenness on whatever +appertained to his trade as an agriculturist, and he himself being +concerned in the import of several tropical fruits and products, went +with the young man to the great Horticultural Show at South Kensington, +while the scornful Joe betook himself to the races; and Mrs. Killigrew, +though she declined both outings, was sure that they would be very nice. + +They were--though Killigrew lost so much money that he was afraid to +come home and spent the night imbibing champagne and repentance at the +Hummums, and Ishmael bought Indian corn and a kind of yam which he +thought could be induced to flourish in West Penwith, which incidentally +it did so far as foliage went, though it always obstinately refused to +bear fruit. The following mid-day Joe sent for Ishmael to the Hummums, +and from that comfortable if somewhat dingy hostelry set out, in the +gayest spirits, to track down a money-lender who would oblige on no +better security than his assurance that the Guv'nor would pay up when he +had got over the shock. + +Success in this put Killigrew into the wildest spirits, and he forthwith +took unto himself a young man whom he ran into as he and Ishmael were +going into the Blue Posts for a before-dinner drink. The young man was +none other than Carminow, grown very tall and melancholy-looking, with +an extravagantly high collar, much swathed with a voluminous black silk +cravat and a fancy waistcoat. Carminow, who under a manner of deepest +gloom concealed a nature as kind and as disconcertingly morbid as of +yore, was unaffectedly charmed to see his old schoolfellows, and said +so. He had better control over the letter "r" than in his boyhood, but +his employment of it was still uncertain and quite irrational. He linked +an arm in each and said gravely: "Will you come with me to see the +execution at Newgate to-mowwow morning? They are twying new experiments +with the dwop, and it should be intewesting." + +"No--are you serious?" demanded Killigrew. "I say, I've half a mind +to.... It might make a jolly fine sketch, mightn't it? Kept quite rough +and suggestive, you know." + +"It'd be suggestive all right," remarked Ishmael. Within him a wish to +accept warred with horror, besides which he could not quite make up his +mind whether Carminow were joking or no. + +"Splendid," said Carminow; "there's just one moment, when the hangman +pulls on the legs, to make sure, you understand--and the face swells +till it looks as though it would burst the white cap pulled over it, for +all the world like a boiling pudding.... And you see the cawotid artewy +become suffused with a blue bwuise--" + +"Cobalt and a touch of _garance_," threw in Killigrew. + +"Shut up, Carminow," said Ishmael; "we've not had our drinks yet if you +have." He was rather proud of this, which sounded to him to have quite a +man-about-town twang, and he knew it must have been successful when he +saw his companions pass it without ribald comment. + +"Let's all have dinner," said Killigrew exuberantly, "and then go on to +see the new ballet. What d'you say, Carminow?" + +Carminow was quite willing, his appointment not being till early next +morning, and the three went off to the "Cheshire Cheese," where +Killigrew drew portraits of Dr. Johnson on the tablecloth and placated +the head-waiter by telling him how famous he, Killigrew, was going to be +and how valuable the tablecloth would consequently be in fifty years' +time. Ishmael enjoyed that dinner. He was unused to stimulants, but +having a naturally good head was delightfully sharpened in sense and +appreciation by them, while his stronger stomach did not pay him back +next day as Killigrew's invariably did. Carminow was full of stories, +all, needless to say, of a sanguinary nature; Killigrew capped them, or +tried to, by would-be immoral tales of Paris; and Ishmael said very +little, but, with his deadly clarity of vision for once working +beneficently, sat there aware how young and somehow rather lovable they +were through it all, while he himself, whom they were obviously +treating as so so much younger in the ways of the world, felt old +compared with them. The only thing he did not fully realise was just how +young that feeling itself was. + +After dinner they went, as Killigrew had suggested, to the theatre--a +shabby little place to look at, though the resort of all the bloods, who +crowded stalls and stage door. Killigrew laughingly informed Carminow +that Ishmael had never met an actress in his life, and in reply to +Carminow's half-mocking commiseration, Ishmael answered gaily that he +had never even been to the theatre, except to a penny gaff that once +visited Penzance. It was indeed with a secret tingling that he now found +himself seated in a box. He brought to the theatre the freshness of the +child who goes to his first pantomime, and was unashamedly aware of the +fact. The smell of the place, the heat--for the gas made the air +vibrant--the very tawdriness of the hangings and gilding, all thrilled +him, because they were, as Killigrew would have said, so "in the +picture." When the curtain went up he settled himself to enjoyment. + +Killigrew, more interested by the performers than what they represented, +leant back in the box and kept up a running commentary in a low voice. +"There never was a more Oriental thing invented than the crinoline," he +observed, nodding towards a group of dancers blowing as lightly as balls +of thistledown over the stage, slim ankles twinkling below their +inflated skirts of misty whiteness; "I'm not trying to be epigrammatic, +I mean it. Watch those girls there ... did you ever see such sway, such +slope--I can't find the exact word for it? Each little movement--a +raised eyebrow seems almost enough--and the crinoline sways this way and +that, divinely true at the waist alone.... But it's not just their +grace; it's what they suggest. That feeling of a cage, of something +protective, which is what I mean by Oriental. So defined down to the +waist, and then this thing that makes a parade of not following +nature.... D'you know, I never watch a pretty woman in a crinoline but +the thought doesn't strike me?" + +"It's the sort of thought that would, my son," opined Carminow. + +"But you can't deny I'm right. No clinging drapery has ever been so +suggestive, so much the refinement of sensuality, as the crinoline." + +Ishmael said nothing; but inwardly he too felt what Killigrew meant, +which he would not have done a week earlier. As he sat there, warm and +pleasantly stung by the wine he had drunk, the brightness of the scene +and the colour of the music and the thoughts they conjured up, as well +as the gowns and head-dresses of the pretty women, all awaked in him the +glow a child feels at its first pantomime. The dancers were to him not +flesh-and-blood women, but magical creatures, and yet he was stirred to +a new excitement too. As he sat there all the sense of poise with which +he usually so confidently faced the affairs of life, and which, far from +failing him, generally served him only too well, began to sway and grow +many-coloured. + +When they went out into the street again he agreed with Carminow that +the night was yet too young to abandon it in mid-air. He did not, +however, feel like more drinks; the exhilaration of the play, of his own +youth, now for the first time tingling unrestrainedly in his veins, the +glamour of the gaily-lit night--they had wandered as far as the +Haymarket, which was ablaze till dawn--were all enough for him, and he +felt that anything more would have blurred their keenness. Suddenly +Carminow had an inspiration. + +"Come back with me, you two," he suggested. "I've got quite decent digs +in Cecil Stweet, off the Stwand. And I've a little collection that +might intewest you...." + +"I know, monstrosities in bottles and side elevations of premature +babies," surmised Killigrew; "you're a foul old thing! But we'll come +and have a yarn over 'em anyway. I'm not in a hurry to face my revered +parents and I daren't take this good little boy to some places you and I +know of. I'm responsible for him." + +Carminow turned a pessimistic eye on Ishmael. "Are you still pure?" he +shot at him in his deepest bass. "I see you are; your look answers for +you." And he strode on again. He turned to add over his shoulder: "I +cannot in the intewests of my pwofession emulate you; it is incumbent on +me to know first hand all that is possible, but I consider it an +excellent thing for the layman. Keep it up. Don't let Killigrew, who is +a commonplace sinner, laugh you out of it." + +Ishmael forced himself to reply that he did not intend to forego his own +ideas on the subject for Killigrew or anyone else; and, indeed, he was +not so outraged by anything Carminow had said as by Killigrew's +whispered communication that for his part he believed Carminow was +boasting.... "Don't believe he knows the way," added Killigrew, "or only +theoretically. He's like a lot of doctors--all theories and no +practice." He was so pleased with this joke he had to repeat it aloud to +Carminow, who bore it quite unruffled. + +They had now reached the house, one of the many little lodging-houses +that stood where the Hotel Cecil is to-day, and Carminow let himself in +with a large key and, turning up the gas, revealed the usual +lodging-house hall that is and was and always shall be eternally the +same as long as lodgings and landladies exist. It had a yellowish paper +blotted with large blurred flowers of a reddish hue, a steel engraving +of the "Derby Day" hung by the hat-stand, and the woodwork was of bright +yellow graining. + +Carminow's rooms were on the second floor; after the first landing had +been passed the stairs suddenly altered in character, and from being +carpeted and fairly wide took onto themselves linoleum and a steep +straightness that said plainly: "Up to here two guineas a week; above +here only thirty shillings, with half-a-crown for extras." Higher still +bare boards advertised the fact that only "bed-sitters" or even plain +bedrooms were to be found. + +Carminow's rooms ran the depth of the house, the front one, his +sitting-room, being separated from the bedroom by folding doors of the +same bright yellow as the doors in the hall. Into the sitting-room he +ushered his guests, and they knocked helplessly up against sharp angles +while Carminow pawed and patted round the room for matches, obstinately +refusing the offers of their boxes because he said he was trying to +train his landlady to keep his in the same place. Killigrew, +uninterested in the education of landladies, finally insisted on +striking one of his own, and uttered a shriek of joy when the faint +gleam revealed a glass jar in which a greenish-white fragment of a body +floated forlornly. Finally the gas was lit, the table cleared of papers +and books, and bottles of beer placed upon it instead. They had just +settled down to villainously strong cigars and the beer when a sound +very unexpected to two of them floated out upon the air--the sound of a +girl singing. The voice was a rather deep mezzo; it was singing very +softly an old ballad, to the accompaniment of a few notes very gently +struck now and again on a piano. + +Carminow said nothing, but lay back in his chair and puffed out clouds +of smoke over his face. Killigrew looked at him and whistled. + +"I say ..." he said.... "Own up, Carminow! Who is it?" + +"If you mean who is the lady singing," said Carminow with sudden +stiffness, "she is Miss Grey, who has the room above this. She is a +young lady about whom I think even you would not make your obscene jokes +if you knew her." + +"Sits the wind in that quarter?..." thought Killigrew, highly amused. +"I'll roast him...." Aloud he said: "And may I not know her, then, +Carminow? If Miss Grey is a friend of yours, perhaps--" + +"I am vewy particular about whom I intwoduce to Miss Grey," said +Carminow unflatteringly; "that is to say, I should first have to find +out whether she wished it. She is quite alone, poor girl." + +"Dear me! How is that? Is she some romantic governess out of a place or +a lady who through no fault of her own has come down in the world?" + +"Miss Grey is on the stage." + +Killigrew roared with laughter. "You hear, Ishmael; here's your chance. +You were saying you didn't know any actresses, and now here's Carminow +with one up his sleeve all ready for you. Tell us all about it, old +chap!" + +"I will, if only to stop your stupid little mind from wunning along its +accustomed dirty gwoove," answered Carminow sententiously. "Miss Grey is +the daughter of a clergyman--" + +"They all are." + +"She is an orphan, that is to say, as good as one, for her mother is +dead and her father too poor to support her. She works very hard when +she can get any work, which I am sowwy to say is not often, and she is +as good as she is clever. I should be vewy glad if I could put her in +the way of more work when the play she is in is taken off, and I thought +you, Killigrew, who know so many people--" + +"Artful old bird! So that's what you'd got in your mind, is it? Well I +can't do anything till I've seen the lady, can I? Even an angel in a +poke--" + +The singing had ceased, and in the little silence there came a knock at +the sitting-room door. Carminow had called out "Come in" automatically +before a sudden idea sent him to his feet. He was too late; the door had +opened and a young lady in grey stood hesitating on the threshold. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +HIDDEN SPRINGS + + +She stood still, dismayed, her hand still on the doorknob, obviously +distressed at the unexpected company in which she found herself. + +"Miss Grey ... do please come in ... is there anything I can do ...?" +mumbled Carminow in great agitation, pushing a chair forward and then +pulling it back again indeterminedly. + +"I'm so sorry--" began the low full voice, richer in speech than in +song. "I'd no idea--I only wondered whether you could--but it's +nothing." + +"Anything," Carminow assured her distractedly; "but please permit me to +introduce my friends ... Mr. Killigrew, Mr. Ruan--Miss Grey." + +Everyone bowed, and then Miss Grey said simply: "It was only that my +lamp has gone out; you know there isn't any gas on my floor, and I +remembered you had paraffin for your reading lamp.... I'm so afraid of +the dark. I know it's very silly...." + +"Not at all, very natural, I'm sure. You can have the whole lamp, Miss +Grey, but you must let me clean it. It might smell. Yes, please, I +insist. You must sit down here in the light while I do it. I'm afraid +it's dweadfully smoky. Killigrew, do open the window--" + +So he fussed, while Miss Grey, with a murmured thanks, sank into the +chair Ishmael shyly offered her and waited very simply, her hands folded +on her lap. There was a simplicity, a lack of any self-consciousness, in +her whole manner, so Ishmael, used to Phoebe and Vassie--neither of +whom was the same in men's company that she was out of it--told +himself. This girl seemed divinely unaware even of any strangeness in +the position in which she now found herself--the unawareness of an +angel.... When Killigrew talked to her she answered frankly and freely, +almost with the confidence of a child. She could not be more than +twenty, Ishmael decided, and with all her maturity of build had a +childish air. The fashions of the day were not conducive to youthfulness +of appearance; but not even the long full skirts trimmed with bands of +black velvet or the close-fitting bodice could make her seem other than +a schoolgirl, while the hair worn brushed loosely back from the forehead +instead of brought down in sleek waves gave her a look that reminded him +of someone, though he could not remember whom. Then with a sudden flash +he remembered it was Hilaria, little Hilaria Eliot--she too had that +look which, being in the middle of the period himself, he did not +recognise as alien to its stamp, but which was so conspicuously so that +women might have called it dowdy and men individual. But this girl was +feminine, that was obvious in the timid shyness even of her trusting +attitude. + +Oddly enough--or oddly as if seemed to Ishmael, who was wont to be in +the background when out with Killigrew--it was to him that she chiefly +addressed herself. Killigrew sat watching as from general remarks of +great propriety about the weather and Ishmael's opinions of London as a +place to visit they passed to her views on it as a place in which to +live. These were, apparently, not over favourable. + +"One always feels a stranger, in a way, if one was born and brought up +in the country, doesn't one? I feel that every day. I've never got over +expecting to see the big elm outside my window when I wake, and instead +I see the chimney-pots. And then I may just be getting used to it when +there arrives a letter from Papa telling me how it all looks at +home--all the silly little things about the flowers and the chickens and +the old people in the parish, and then I have to start all over again." + +There was a strain of wistfulness in her full voice, but her eyes were +limpidly unconscious of it, with their candid glance that suggested +courage and even a certain gaiety. If it had not been for that look in +her eyes she would have seemed doll-like; even as it was in the purely +physical aspect of her there was a waxen dollishness which was at once +disconcerting and attractive. It was obvious that Carminow, who +presumably knew her, was passionately convinced that she was what he +would have called "all right"; that he was considerably more fond of her +than he would have admitted was equally obvious. To him that odd +dollishness of aspect was just the sweet pink and white of a naive young +girl, but to Killigrew it gave, by its very completeness, a hint as of +something oddly inhuman, or at least unawakened, as though she had been +a puppet, a pretty puppet that walked and spoke and said the right +things. It was not so much any lack of intelligence in what she said as +in her slow speech and her whole look. Her skin was so white--and +Killigrew thought he knew if Ishmael did not how that whiteness was +attained--except for a slight pink flush below extravagantly calm eyes +of a clear pale grey; the modelling of the face was wide across brow and +cheekbones and across the jaw on the level of the too-small mouth; then +came a dimpled chin, short and childish, as was the tip-tilted nose. It +was the type of face which, in its broad modelling of planes and +petal-fineness of edges, suggests a pansy. The blondness of +her--ashen-dead fairness of hair and pale skin with those pellucid eyes +beneath dust-brown brows--all united in an effort of innocence that +surpassed itself and became the blandness of a doll. She was curiously +immobile, sat very quietly, and moved slowly, graceful in the way that +a heavily-built puma is graceful, because of the thoroughly sound +construction of her bones and muscles. Killigrew, as he watched her, was +vastly intrigued by what he phrased to himself as the "innocent sweet +corruption of her look." For with all that dollish look, perhaps because +of it, it was possible, so Killigrew thought, to imagine her being very +bad with the help of that protective mask. It was also compatible with +an Undine-like soullessness, a cold clearness of outlook, or a slightly +heavy if sweet stupidity. He thought it quite likely she might have all +the virtues except a naturally good complexion, but he wondered about +her, seeing her charm without feeling it. + +The lamp was ready all too soon, and the lucky Carminow had the best +right to carry it upstairs for her. She shook hands with both his +friends as she said good-night, and Ishmael noticed how straightly she +looked from her equal height into his eyes as her hand lay in his. Then +the door swung to, but without closing, and in a moment there came the +low sound of her voice from the landing above. + +"Mr. Carminow...." she was saying--and the words, excepting just now and +again, were audible to the two in the sitting-room--"I hope--I don't +know what your friends must think. Do tell them, will you, that I'm not +in the habit of running down to your room like that? Mr. Ruan looks so +good. I wouldn't like him to think--" + +"No one thinks anything like that; they couldn't, I assure you. Do +believe me, Miss Grey. You won't sleep if you worry, you know. Promise +me to believe me. I'll say something to them if it'll make you any +happier." + +"Will you? Then I'll promise too. I can take the lamp now. And--thank +you, Mr. Carminow." + +Down in the sitting-room when Carminow entered it again there was a +moment or two of silence. + +"Look here, you two fellows!" said Carminow; then, "You see for +yourselves that Miss Grey is a perfect lady...." + +"Exactly how I should have described her," interjected Killigrew. + +"What I mean to say is that of course Miss Grey would not have dweamt of +coming down if she had known you two were here...." + +"Should have thought we made enough noise coming in. But I suppose what +you're driving at is that she only comes when you're alone; is that it?" +asked Killigrew wickedly. + +"Damn it all! you know it's not what I mean at all, only you twist +everything a fellow says so. Anyway, I'd hate anyone to go and make a +mistake about her." + +"I won't," said Killigrew. + +"It wouldn't be possible, I think," said Ishmael; "she's got that sort +of clear look, you couldn't." + +"Yes, that's just it," agreed Carminow gratefully. "Sometimes she even +does things that might seem a little odd or rash, and it's all because +she is such a child of nature she doesn't understand. A sort of +Miwanda." + +"What is her name, by the way?" asked Killigrew idly. + +"Blanche, I believe." + +"Blanche Grey ... a rather humorous combination. Well, we must go or we +shall be keeping you from your beastly legalised murder at eight. Come +on, Ishmael!" + +"I'll come up to the Strand with you," said Carminow. "I have to be +early at the prison, or one doesn't get through the crowd, not with a +single valuable left on you anyway, and lucky to keep your shirt and +trousers. You're sure you won't come? I could manage something for you." + +Neither felt disposed--Ishmael not only because he knew it would make +him deadly sick, but because the mere though of it had somehow become +horrible, and Killigrew because he was rather glad to make Ishmael an +excuse for not going himself. They all strode along the dim, quiet +street, empty except for a dweller of the night who slunk into deeper +shadows on seeing that there were three of them. + +"She's an interesting-looking girl, that Miss Grey," observed Killigrew, +more to try and draw Carminow than because he was really interested in +the subject himself. + +"She reminded me of someone, and at first I couldn't think who," said +Ishmael, feeling a queer little pleasure at talking of her thus +casually; "and then I remembered Hilaria--you remember little Hilaria +Eliot, who used to be so jolly to us all at St. Renny?" + +"She is the last person I should have compared with Miss Grey," said +Killigrew decidedly. "I should say they were as different as it is +possible for two persons of the same sex to be. Hilaria was like a boy; +Miss Grey is most feminine." + +"Yes, she is," said Ishmael eagerly; "but there's the same frankness, +that way of meeting you that other girls don't have." + +"I know what you mean," agreed Carminow, "though I don't think one +notices it when one sees more of Miss Grey. As Killigrew says, she is so +essentially feminine--she is always gwateful for support in a way that +is really very sad in one who has to battle with the world. It is a hard +life for a refined gentlewoman, I fear." + +"Dear old chap, with his 'battling with the world' and all the rest of +his really highly moral conventional views!" exclaimed Killigrew. "He's +a fraud, isn't he, Ishmael, who pretends to love to wallow in blug just +to hide his lamblike disposition." + +"You always did talk wot," remarked Carminow placidly. "You're weally +not a bit changed, Killigrew, in spite of Paris. By the way, I suppose +you heard about Polkinghorne?" + +"Yes, from Old Tring. I went to St. Renny a little while ago." + +"Ah! then you heard about Hilaria? I thought from Ruan's mention of her +you had neither of you heard." + +"Heard what?" + +"Why," said Carminow in rather a shocked voice, "about her illness." + +"No!..." exclaimed Ishmael and Killigrew in a breath; and Killigrew went +on: "What illness? I can't imagine the Hilaria we used to know ill." + +"She's not the Hilaria we used to know, I'm afraid. You would hardly +recognize her. She's got a disease--you wouldn't know it if I were to +tell you its name--that is one of the most obscure known to science, if +you can call a thing known when no cure can be discovered to it. Yes, +she's hopelessly paralysed, is poor Hilaria." A certain impersonal note +as he spoke of the illness had crept through all the genuine feeling in +Carminow's voice. + +"But it's impossible!" cried Ishmael, profoundly shocked, not so much at +any personal feeling for Hilaria, as an instinctive protest that such +things could be. "Hilaria--why she was never still, and the things she +did--why, you remember her walks and her fencing and everything--" + +"Old Dr. Harvey at St. Renny puts it down very largely to those +excessive walks she used to take," said Carminow. + +Ishmael said nothing; he was struck by a greater horror that it should +have been those walks, which had so seemed to set Hilaria apart from her +sex, on which he had so often accompanied her, of which even now he +could recall the delight though he had not thought of them since.... +Carminow went on: + +"But of course I don't agree with him; he only says that because he +always disapproved of the way poor old Eliot brought her up. Personally +I think it was a very healthy way, and I believe it will be for the good +of the race when women are made to exercise more. But Hilaria had the +seeds of this sclerosis in her then, and nothing can stop it; +over-exertion may have made it worse, as it does any illness, but it +couldn't have caused it. It's being mercifully rapid, that's one +comfort." + +"It's ghastly," said Killigrew in a low voice. "Where is she, Carminow? +Have you seen her?" + +"Well, yes, as a matter of fact I go when I can. I think it gives her +pleasure to see anyone from the old days. She's in a home for such +things in London. Her father lodges round the corner to be near her. +It's awful to see him. You know how he was about her.... She would be +brought back from France when they found out how bad it was. D'you +remember how her eyes used to give out sometimes when she was reading to +us? That was all part of the same thing, always in her, beginning to +come out." + +A little silence. Both Ishmael and Killigrew were wondering if they +ought to go and see her or not, both fighting a repulsion of which +Killigrew's was more purely aesthetic and Ishmael's rather a passionate +wish to keep thought of such a thing away from life.... + +They had come to the parting of their way from Carminow's, and all three +were standing at the street corner under a flickering gas lamp. + +"Well," said Carminow a little awkwardly, "I suppose now we've met I +shall be seeing you fellows again? I'm genewally in in the evenings when +I don't have to be on duty at the hospital." + +It was Ishmael who replied: + +"I shall probably be round some time soon," he said. "I shall want to +hear how the new drop worked, you know. By the way, what theatre is +Miss Grey appearing at? It might be interesting to go and see the +performance, mightn't it, Joe?" + +"Oh, damn it all! I can only think for the moment of poor little +Hilaria," exclaimed Killigrew. "I used to be very fond of her.... I +wonder--" + +"I'll find out if she'd like to see you and Ruan when next I go if you +like, but it's painful, because she can only get her words out in +jerks," said Carminow. "It's the Strand that Miss Grey's appearing at. +Quite a small part; but at least it's a lady-like one, and her stage +name is Miss Blanche Nevill. Good-night, you fellows!" + +They echoed his farewell, and then, finding no belated growler, set out +to walk all the way back to Tavistock Square. They mentioned neither +Hilaria nor Blanche Grey again that night, but as Ishmael lay for a long +time awake staring into the darkness he could not keep his mind from +reverting with a sense of deep fear to what he had heard about Hilaria. +That such things could lie in wait in life, around the path of people +one knew--people like oneself.... To others these exotic misfortunes, +not to oneself or those near one. He had the sensation of incredulity +with which one hears of some intimate friend involved in a train +accident or attacked by some freakish fate such as may be read of in the +newspapers daily but is never realised as being an actual and possible +happening. Polkinghorne's death had made him believe there was such a +thing as death, but it was so remote. This was different. If these +things could come into life, ordinary every-day life.... + +He sorrowed not only for Hilaria, but for life. The news had given him +his first pang of dread about it; his trust in it was never to be quite +the same again. That was all, for him, that Hilaria had existed for, +simply to teach him so much of knowledge. It seemed odd, even to the +egoism of his youth, that she should have had so great a share in the +pattern of his life at one time only to go out of it so inevitably. He +was not to realise for many years how important the lesson was of which +she, by the mere news of her state, had taught him the beginnings. If +her contact with him formerly had been less, so would the shock of the +news have been. People have impinged more deeply upon others' lives and +both by their entry and their leaving of them stood for less. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +BLIND STEPS + + +From that evening Ishmael entered upon a new phase of his London visit. +He told himself, when seriously considering the situation now and then, +that he was certainly not in love. He was deeply interested in Blanche +Grey, but if this were being in love, then was that emotion very +different from anything the books always led one to expect. For +instance, had the question been posed him by some wizard potent to +arrange the lives of humans, whether he would sooner let Cloom or Miss +Grey slip away from him, he would not have hesitated. His values were +not in the least upset. He felt certain things in spite of them, that +was all. There was an uncomfortable emptiness about a day on which he +did not see her, and when at night he waited for her outside the shabby +stage door of the Strand Theatre his heart would go thump-thump in a +manner over which he had no control, but which seemed so very remotely +connected with himself as he understood the term that he made no account +of it. Killigrew said very little to him on the subject once he had +found that he really did not like being chaffed about the fair Blanche, +but it at once lowered Killigrew in Ishmael's estimation, and yet made +him less certain about his own feelings, that he knew Killigrew did not +share his enthusiasm. + +Blanche had one of those definite personalities there is no overlooking, +that people, especially men, either adore or actively dislike. Killigrew +had never said he did not like her, but Ishmael felt the fact none the +less certainly. And, as a matter of fact, Killigrew himself was puzzled +by Miss Grey. He was certain enough that she was technically +"good"--what Carminow called "all right"--and he admitted her charm, but +to him the over-emphasis she laid on everything, as on that action of +hers in coming down for the lamp, made the charm of no avail. He went to +the house in Cecil Street a few times with Ishmael and then washed his +hands of the affair. + +When Ishmael was not allowed in the presence, then Killigrew still took +him round the town and was not unamused to notice that his tastes had +begun to alter. He was more interested in the personal note, less in +things. Horticultural shows no longer lured him, polytechnics flaunted +in vain. + +He went once to the House of Commons and heard a debate on Russell's +abortive Reform Bill, which was to sound the knell of that Minister's +career. Ishmael heard Gladstone in the Bill's defence defying an attack +by Lowe, whilst Mr. Disraeli leant back with a slight smile on his face, +which was a blot of pallor beneath his dark, oiled ringlets. Ishmael was +stirred, yet in him something felt amazement and disappointment. These +were only men after all, not demigods, and some of them were peevish, +some rude, some bored and inattentive. The whole thing seemed somehow +childish; it was difficult to believe, except later when Bright's golden +tongue was speaking, that in this place the nation was governed.... +Afterwards he was with the crowd, borne helplessly along, that wrecked +the Hyde Park railings in their anger that the hastily constructed +Ministry of Derby should still let Reform hang in air. Yet all these +affairs of the nation only affected Ishmael from the outside, for he was +beginning to be at his most personal. + +Turns of singing and dancing interested him less than plays where there +was a definite and necessarily keenly personal story. The characters +were all occupied with their feelings for each other, never with +theories or conditions. There was one exception to this rule, though +Ishmael kept that to himself--he went often to see a little dancer whose +turn only lasted ten minutes, while the particular moment of it for +which he went was over in a flash, the moment when, whirling round and +round very quickly, her short filmy skirts stood out and were nothing +but a misty circlet about her, so that she gave the illusion of having +nothing to break the slim straight lines of her. She seemed nude with an +elfin nudity that charmed him while it did not inflame, or if it did, +only with the subtle inflammation of the mind, which can withstand such +onslaughts for many years before a sudden reaction of the body shows the +connection between the two. Ishmael, who took no interest in damsels in +tights or in the exuberant proportions of the "frail" ladies that amused +Killigrew, found himself waiting for that moment every evening, and his +satisfaction when he caught it was rather that of a person who is +pleased at verifying something he has had the acumen to discover than +any more poignant emotion. He went far oftener to see this than he did +to watch Blanche in her small part as one of the innocuous and well-bred +company performing at the little old Strand Theatre, which was then +still a phalanx of the respectable Swanborough family. + +Blanche kept her work as a thing apart from her life--that is to say, +she did not join the rest of the company at supper at the pothouse +opposite, nor acknowledge the attentions of the mashers from the front +row who waited at the shabby little stage door of a night. She was very +charming to the other members of the company, especially the women, and +the fact that she had enemies there was easily explained on the ground +of her aloofness. She told Ishmael very little with all her frankness of +address, but one night as he was seeing her home she asked him to come +and have tea with her next day, which happened to be a Sunday, and +Ishmael accepted eagerly; it was the first time she had actually asked +him to the house. + +When he arrived, clasping a bouquet he had bought overnight and nursed +in his bedroom water-jug, he found that she had begged the loan of the +ground-floor sitting-room, which was unlet, from her landlady, and was +awaiting him there, wearing her grey dress and a rose pinned by the +little white muslin collar that spanned the base of her throat. She was +not looking her best, but somehow that made her all the more appealing +to Ishmael; the sudden heat had made dark shadows under her eyes, and +her movements were more languid even than usual. + +It was an ugly room, like all its kind; but Blanche had the triumphant +quality of rising superior to her background, which is one of the most +valuable a woman can possess. Against the hot, hideous red of the +wall-paper and the mass of tawdry ornaments she seemed to gain in +simplicity, and that peculiar clearness of hers was intensified. She was +grave, and only gave Ishmael the ghost of a little wan smile on his +entry over his tendered bouquet. She dispensed tea with her firm, rather +square hands, hands with short, blunt-tipped fingers that yet were not +without the beauty of fitting in with her puma-like solidity of frame; +while the way in which she used them was grace itself. They were the +typical hands of a courtesan, but neither she nor Ishmael knew that, +though Carminow had marvelled to himself at the fact. + +Ishmael was silent, falling in with her mood, and suddenly she fixed her +limpid eyes upon him and asked with disconcerting directness: + +"What are you thinking of!" + +"I was thinking about you," he was startled into saying; "I was +wondering if it's true you're insincere...." + +"Who says so ...? Mr. Killigrew? He doesn't like me; I knew it from the +first. I'm sorry; I think he's rather fine, though I'm not sure I think +he's good for you. He guesses that, and that's why he doesn't like me." + +"Oh, I'm sure he couldn't be such an ass as to think that," protested +Ishmael. "Besides, surely I am capable of looking after myself!" + +"You're capable of a good deal, I believe. You could look after yourself +and other people too. You're strong, you know. I suppose you don't know, +or you wouldn't be you. But I'm sorry you think like that about me." + +"I don't. I mean--I do sometimes wonder. You're so charming to everyone +and--" + +"But I'm not insincere because of that, am I? I wish you hadn't thought +that. Of course, one meets people, at the theatre and so on, and one +doesn't really know them and can't get at them, and so one just tries to +be very nice to them, but I don't call that insincere...." + +"No. I didn't mean to people like that. But to your friends--to old +Carminow, for instance, and myself.... I sometimes wonder. And to +yourself--" + +"Ah! I'm not insincere to myself." + +"I sometimes wonder if you know what your real self is." + +"Don't I? I do. Why do you say that, Mr. Ruan?" + +"Because you asked me, and because I can't help saying what I think when +I'm asked like that and I think the person's worth it." + +Blanche had pushed away her cup, and now she folded her arms on the +table and bent to him over them. Her face was very earnest. + +"I do know what you mean," she admitted; "I think I know it better than +you do. And I suppose it's partly because I've no mother and I've had to +protect myself. A woman is very like some kinds of animals I've heard +of--she has to assume protective colouring. If I seem to like people +that have nothing in common with me it's because I find it's the +simplest way. You are different; I don't have to pretend anything with +you. I think if my real self were beginning to be overlaid you could +help me revive her." + +"Your real self ... haven't I seen that?" + +"I thought so till you said what you did," she answered in a low voice, +looking away from him; then she went on hurriedly: "You know, when Mamma +died I was only thirteen, and though I loved my father very dearly it's +never quite the same, is it? It was dreadful leaving Papa, but I had to +earn money somehow; you see, he wants all sorts of little things, extra +delicacies he can't get on his small means, and I do manage most times +to send him them. He didn't like my choosing the stage; but I'm not +really well enough educated for a governess--besides, I did try that +once...." + +"What happened?" asked Ishmael as she paused. + +"She--the lady--had a grown-up son as well as the children, and he fell +in love with me. I couldn't help that, but she was very angry. And I was +so unhappy I couldn't bear to go anywhere else. I wanted a new life. You +see--I cared rather." + +"But if you both cared--" + +"I wouldn't let him defy his mother. It would have made it all dreadful, +somehow. And he wasn't a strong character, not like you. You wouldn't +mind who was against you if you were in love." + +Ishmael did not reply and she went on: + +"I've been trying to make a fine thing out of acting now for three +years, ever since I was little more than a child--a real child in the +little I knew. And if I had not minded certain things of course by now I +could have been a leading lady and driven in my brougham, or left the +stage for good--or for bad. But one cannot alter the way one is made, or +drop the ideas one was brought up to have ... at least I can't; and so +I'm still in the attic in Cecil Street, with a small part and no +prospects. And how I hate it all sometimes; you can't imagine how I hate +it! London is like an awful monster that draws one in inch by inch--a +monster that breathes soot instead of fire." + +Ishmael had been turning over a wonderful plan in his mind while she was +speaking, an idea that had flashed on him before, but that had seemed +too splendid to be possible of realization. Now, emboldened by her +words, he ventured on the great question. + +"I say," he began, "why not, when you want a holiday, when this piece +you're playing in is over, come and stay at Cloom? I don't know whether +you've heard--whether Carminow has told you about me--I hope he has; I +dropped him a hint, because I hate to think I'm sailing under false +colours with you--" He paused, his courageous words dying in hot +embarrassment. Blanche met him perfectly. + +"I know all about it. Mr. Carminow told me. What difference does it +make, except to make your friends care all the more for you?" + +"Then you would come? My sister Vassie--you'd like her. And I think even +my mother would love you. It would be so good for you after all this." + +She did not reply at once and Ishmael's heart sank. + +"Your father...." he murmured; "I suppose you feel--" + +She interrupted with a sudden radiance: "Oh, no, it's not that. My +father is married again, you know.... I don't often talk of it; it was a +grief to me. We were so everything to each other. But I don't go home +very often, because of that. I would love to come, Mr. Ruan. I wonder if +I can; I wonder...." + +"But why should you wonder?" he urged more boldly; "one advantage of +your lonely situation is that you are free to decide for yourself. Do +promise me!" + +She turned her head away as though to hide eyes suddenly dewy, then met +his look with her wonted level candour. + +"I'll come," she said; "I'll come. Oh, it will he heavenly!... You don't +know what the mere thought of it means.... To get away, even for a +little while, from all this...." She swept her hands expressively around +on the lodging-house surroundings. + +"It must be rotten," said Ishmael in heartfelt accents. "I know how I +felt in the parlour at home after my sister Vassie had done it up for my +return. I felt as though the woolly mats were choking me. And I couldn't +say anything for fear of hurting her feelings." + +"And have you got used to it? That's what I'm always so afraid +of--getting used to ugliness." + +"Vassie has altered. She is the cleverest girl at picking up ideas I've +ever known, and somehow when Killigrew was down with us she soon found +out, though I don't think he actually said anything. And we have +beautiful old furniture hidden away in the attics, so we simply pulled +it all out, and Vassie and Phoebe are making new needlework seats for +the chairs." + +"Is Phoebe another sister?" + +"Oh, no; she's the daughter of Mr. Lenine, the miller. She was at +boarding-school in Plymouth with Vassie, and they're just like sisters," +said Ishmael in the simplicity of his heart. + +"How nice!" said Blanche Grey. + +So it was settled between them that Blanche should renew her +acquaintance with the country that summer at Cloom, and when Ishmael +left he walked on air. It was not that he was excited so much as that a +deep content filled him; life seemed full of promise and even more +worth living than he had thought it. The distrust which that news of +Carminow's had engendered drifted to the back of his brain; he wandered +through the streets, picturing the days to come at Cloom. He came to a +pause at last, aware that he had missed the way to the hotel where he +was to sup with Carminow and Killigrew. He looked at the name of the +street he was in, and saw that it was the name Carminow had mentioned as +being that of the street where Hilaria was lodged. + +He stood between the rows of houses and tried to realise that one of +them sheltered Hilaria. He stood quite still, beset by the same thoughts +as on the first evening he had been told of her. He looked up at the +houses and wondered which it was; it seemed odd that the bricks and +stone which hid so much of sadness should not declare it in some way +unmistakable to him. Odd that he could no more tell at what elevation, +whether just above him or nearer the roof, she lay, as odd that, +wherever it might be, she was equally unknowing that someone was +thinking of her with such intensity so near. He walked along, looking +for the number Carminow had mentioned, found he had passed it, and +turned back to see it was the house one door further down than that at +which he had first stopped. He looked at the door as though it could fly +open and bid him enter; he pictured with a vividness he could not +suppress her entrance there, carried, her head lolling on her breast. +Several times he walked up and down, wondering if she would care to see +him, trying to remember if she had ever shown any predilection for him +which could make him think she would. Then he turned away and went on, +the thought of her and the pity of her going with him. He was not +surprised when at supper Carminow began to speak of her; it seemed as +though it would not be possible to sit so near to himself and not feel +the trend of his thoughts. + +"I saw Hilaria yesterday," said Carminow, "and I asked her if she +wanted to see you two. I thought she might, but she waited a minute and +then let me know most unmistakably that she would rather not. She can +only speak very queerly now--most painful business--and make a few +gestures, but there was no mistaking her. I expect it would have been +too much for her anyway." + +Both his listeners felt a half-guilty relief, and that night when alone +in his room Ishmael, aided by that glimpse of the exterior of her +surroundings and by Carminow's words, was assailed again by the thought +of her, but not as keenly as before. Shocked senses had been responsible +for that first keenness, and imagination, however aided, could not sting +to the same depth. He thought as he fell asleep of Blanche and Cloom. +Life had ugly, unthought-of things in it, but, thinking of her steady +radiance, he could not believe that any fate would dare to dim its +lustre. + +Blanche sat long at the window of her bedroom that evening, her ashen +fair hair about her shoulders and her brush idle in her hand. As it was +Sunday and she had no engagement, she was going to bed early, so early +that it was still sunset-light. + +She stood at the open window of the bedroom, staring with unseeing eyes; +her thoughts were revolving round her own problems, but gradually the +sights and sounds without won her to notice of them. The back windows of +the house looked on to other house-backs that formed a square well, +wherein smaller, much lower roofs and flat expanses of ribbed leads and +stable yards all huddled together in soft blue shadow. Only an +occasional chimney-pot, higher than its fellows, made a note of glowing +orange where it pierced the slant of the evening sun: To Blanche's left +there showed a pale gleam from the Thames between the house-backs of +brownish-grey brick; to her right roof-tops and fantastic cowls were +patterned in a flat purple tone against the luminous sky. In the eaves +the sparrows were chirping shrilly; one flew downwards so swiftly +between Blanche's eyes and the sky that his little body seemed nothing +but a dark blot with a flickering upon either side of it. The sight +caught at her memory, and she had a quick vision of a day when she had +lain upon a sloping cliff and watched the gulls wheel far above her, the +light of the setting sun making their breasts and the underneath of +their wings flash like silver. A smaller bird had darted past, and then, +as now, she had noted the curious effect of the solid little body +flanked by that flickering which meant wings invisible through their own +speed. The surface of her mind was quick to respond to suggestion, and +the thought of the country struck her as being an answer to the unspoken +questionings that were pricking at her. The West--the land of ready +sleep and sweet dreams. So Ishmael had told her, and the way lay open if +she chose to take it, a way that would not necessarily commit her to +anything. When she saw Ishmael in his own environment, then she would +know whether it were worth it or not.... + +To blot herself out of existence for a few weeks, that was what it +amounted to; there should be no such person as the town-ridden Blanche +Nevill on the face of the earth. She felt a delightful stirring of +anticipation, and nothing had had power to awaken that emotion in her +for several years. Her own surroundings once shed, she would, she felt, +meet a new world with all the hopes and dreams that had once been hers. +She was twenty-six years of age, though with her bland face she looked +much younger; and the truth was she had no love for any work in itself, +but only for the praise it brought her--a temperament which can never +make the artist, but results in the brilliant amateur. + +She was sick of the stage, for no worthy captive of her bow and spear +had presented himself, and she detected the dawning of criticism in the +friends that had been so warm when she first met them in town. Blanche +was always posing, and people had found it out. As a child she had +played the misunderstood genius or shy mother's darling as occasion +demanded; she had posed with others till she was unable to do anything +but pose with herself. A few years, a very few years, ago, and even her +own sex had had to admit her charm; now she was beginning to be played +out, and she knew it. Her triumphant personality always attracted +attention, even when prettier and cleverer women were present, but it +was a very critical attention she attracted now. + +When the light faded she moved to the bed and began to brush out her +hair. The sun had set, and she had drawn the dark, narrow blinds; down +their edges showed the gleam of the outside world steeped in a cold +blue-green light like the depths of the sea, and the faded curtains +wavered slowly in the breeze like long swaying strips of seaweed. +Blanche, swathed in a pale wrapper and sitting on the bed whose +whiteness was dimmed by the greenish dusk, was suggestive of a stage +mermaid combing her locks upon a property sandbank. + +She lit her lamp, and at once the gleam without turned a deep, soft +blue. She knotted her pale hair on the nape of her neck, and, chin up, +hands on hips, stared critically at herself in the glass, and, as she +looked her lips parted a little in pleasure. Snatching up the +hand-glass, she poised from one foot to the other, craning her neck to +see herself from every possible point of view. + +"Yes," she decided, "I'll go. And then--a new life. Miss Blanche Nevill +will vanish into thin air, and hurrah! for Blanche Grey, who will +be--herself." + +She slept, thinking of Ishmael and herself, as he of her, while in a dim +room, lying perforce motionless in her hot bed, a girl thought, with the +brain left clear amidst all her failing senses, of two boys who stood +as symbols of a happy time when life was unclouded by even the least +conscious hints of the creeping Thing. She felt, in her thick confusion +of tongue and ear and eye, more uncouth than she was, and not for any +good life could still hold for her would she have had either see +her--Killigrew because he had been fond of her, Ishmael because she had +been fond of him. + +A week later Ishmael arrived back at Cloom. As he walked along on the +first evening after his return the feel of the country smote him as +never before. Ecstasy welled in him, clear and living; the strong, pure +air made him want to shout with joy. And more than the sight of the +swelling land, more than the feel of the springy turf beneath his feet, +or the wind on his eyelids, it was the smell of the country that woke in +him this ecstasy. Sweet as the breath of cows came its mingled fragrance +of grass and earth and of the fine dust on the roadway, of the +bitter-sweet tang of the bracken and faint aftermath of hay; the breath +at his nostrils was drunken with sweet odour. He had come back to face +Archelaus, it was true, but he came back a man. + +It was a good world, and he would make his corner of it still better.... +How splendid it was to be alive and tingling with the knowledge that +everything lay before one! Pain and sorrow were only words that fell +away into nothingness before the joy of merely living.... + +So he felt as, late that night, he leant upon his window sill and stared +out at the darkness that was the background for his imagings of what was +to come. Upon his thoughts there broke the chattering scream of a rabbit +caught by a stoat, tearing the velvet tissues of the night's silence. On +and on it kept, always on one high note, with a horrible persistence. +Ishmael listened, sorry that even a rabbit should suffer on this night +of nights, and was glad when the screaming wavered and died into a +merciful stillness. As he dropped asleep the sardonic laughing bark of a +full-fed fox came echoing from the earn. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +GLAMOUR + + +Full summer had come, and with it Miss Grey. She was not staying at the +Manor, as Annie had taken a violent dislike to the idea of visitors, and +Ishmael dreaded possible unpleasantness, so that he had been thankful +when Blanche of her own accord suggested going into lodgings. She wanted +to bring a friend with her, she said, a girl who was peaky after too +long nursing of a sick mother in London. Therefore Vassie interviewed +Mrs. Penticost, a cheery soul who rejoiced in a little old Queen Anne +house called "Paradise," a mile along the cliff-path, where it gave on +the outskirts of the village. Blanche was in raptures over the names +Penticost and Paradise, and would have been in raptures over her +landlady too if that worthy woman had not chosen to be rather +unresponsive towards her, though frankly adoring the little friend +Judith Parminter. + +Judy was only nineteen, a slim, awkward girl with high cheekbones and +deep-sunk hazel eyes that gave her a look not unlike that of a beautiful +monkey--so Killigrew, when he came down to take up his quarters at the +inn, for a summer's painting, declared. He swore that Judy would be a +great beauty, but that she would always be like a monkey with those +deep, sad eyes and the bistre stains below them that were the only tinge +of colour upon her dark skin. She was a shy, wild creature, given to +solitary roaming and much scribbling of astonishingly good poems in a +little note-book. Blanche said she had genius, and, though Blanche would +have said it just then if it had been true or not, there was something +not without a touch of genius animating the rough, vivid verses of the +monkey-girl. Blanche was "very fond of the little thing," but did not +see much of her. Ishmael not unnaturally absorbed the forefront of her +attention. + +One day, when Blanche had been two weeks at Paradise, a morning more +golden, of a stiller warmth than any yet, dawned, and she knew it would +bring Ishmael over early with some plan for a picnic. The little garden +lay steeped in sunshine that turned the stonecrop on the roof to fire +and made the slates iridescent as a pigeon's breast. The rambler that +half-hid the whitewashed lintel threw over it a delicate tracery of +shadow which quivered slightly as though it breathed in a charmed sleep. +Fuchsias drooped their purple and scarlet heads, dahlias, with a +grape-like bloom on their velvety petals, stood stiffly staring, and +against the granite wall giant sunflowers hung their heavy heads on a +curve of sticky green stem. In the sloping fields beyond the lane the +stubble stood glittering and the great golden arishmows cast over it +blue pools of shade. Beyond the fields could be seen the sparkling blue +of the lazily-heaving Atlantic, merging into a heat-haze which glistened +with a jewel-like quality at the world's rim. + +Blanche opened the door of the cottage and stood upon the threshold, +swinging her hat in her hand. A white butterfly fluttered down aimlessly +as a scrap of torn paper, and a bee hung buzzing on a sustained note of +content, drowned for a moment as it swung with arched body in the cup of +a flower, then booming forth as it shot out and poised on wings that +seemed nothing but a glistening blur. Blanche stood with eyes half shut +and sniffing nostrils, and as she felt the warm caress of the sun, so +positive as to seem almost tangible, on her bare head, she stretched +herself, cat-like, with a deep sigh of content. + +Life was good here, away from the old faces and the old pursuits. She +had been at Paradise only two weeks, but they had been weeks of sun and +soft winds and sweet smells, and the impressionable surface of her mind, +that beneath was so shallow and so unmalleable, was gradually responding +to the influences around her. + +Almost imperceptibly to herself her point of view had been changing; a +group of white foxgloves, like ghost-flames, that she had seen in a +coppice, the creeping of a bright eyed shrew mouse through last year's +leaves at her feet, the hundreds of little rabbits with curved-in backs +that ran with their curious rocking action over the dewy fields at +evening--all these things gave her a shock of pleasure so keen it +surprised her. Till now she had not admitted her own artificiality even +to herself; now that she was regaining directness she told herself she +could afford to be more candid. + +Nearly every day she and Ishmael, with Vassie and sometimes Killigrew or +Judy, or even the Parson, would go on long expeditions to the cromlechs +and carns of the country around; but sometimes she and Ishmael would +slip away together, defying convention, sometimes on foot, sometimes in +a light market-gig--casual wanderings with no fixed goal, and +inexpressibly delightful to both. On sunny days they put up the pony at +some farm, and lay upon the short, warm grass of a cliff-face watching +the foam patterns form and dissolve again beneath a diamond scatter of +spray. When the sea-mist rolled up steadily over Cloom like blown smoke, +here opaque, there gossamer-thin, they would sally forth and tramp the +spongy moors, the ground sobbing beneath their feet and the mournful +calling of the gulls sounding in their heedless ears. And all the while +her turns of head and throat, the inflections of her low, rich voice, +were being registered on a mind free till now of all such impressions +and tenacious as a child's. Small wonder that as the days drifted past +Ishmael felt that he, too, was drifting on a tide of golden waters to +some shore of promise in a golden dawn. + +Blanche, too, was slipping into something like love these days; the +beauty of their surroundings and something simple and primitive in the +boy himself both made the same appeal to her. Was it possible that after +all her flirtations, all her insincerities, she should capture the +birthright of the single-hearted? It seemed so, for Blanche had this +much of grace left--she was responsive to simplicity. There was +something more than the instinct of the coquette in the fullness with +which she gave him all he asked, step by step; she had thrown away +calculation and was letting herself be guided by her own instinct and +the finer instinct she felt to be in him. Each demand his moods made on +her she met, each thing his reverent hand unconsciously asked of hers as +he helped her over the rough places, each expression his eyes looked for +in hers--she gave them all. For here was that rarest of rare things, a +man to whom all could be given without his prizing less highly gift or +giver. + +Long after she had gone to bed he would walk the fields and make sweet +picture-plans, all centred tenderly round her. He would stand and look +up at her window when the light in it was out, picturing the room, the +freshness, the delightful girlishness of it, and at this intimacy of +thought he would redden in the dark. His sense of humour was in +abeyance, and the reality, could he have seen it, would have been a +shock to him--the dressing-table a litter of cosmetics and pin-curls; +and on the pillow the face of Blanche surrounded by wavers and shiny +with cold-cream. + +On this golden morning Ishmael found Blanche, as she had meant him to, +in the garden at Paradise, the sun turning her ashen hair to fire. + +"Don't let's waste a minute of to-day," he said. "We'll have the cart +out and not come back till the evening--that is, if you care about it?" + +"Of course I care about it," she told him, and ran upstairs to pin on a +shady hat and powder her face. + +"Shall I speak now? Shall I speak now?" thought Ishmael as he drove down +the lane; but with a thrill of anticipation came "No--my hands aren't +free." For Mrs. Penticost's cob, a nervous, spirited creature, newly +broken in, was between the shafts. + +"Will he speak yet?" thought Blanche; "and if he does, what shall I +say?" She glanced up at the set, earnest face, and, sensitive to her +look, his eyes met hers. He averted his gaze quickly, but his heart +sang, "She cares! she cares!" And quite suddenly he felt he wished to +postpone speaking as long as possible, that the savour of this suspended +bliss was too sweet to lose. A tremor ran through Blanche as their eyes +met. She recognised that in him was an austerity against which even she +could beat in vain. + +It was evening by the time they drove back, and the shadows lay cool and +long across the roads. Urged on by visions of his snug stall, the pony +went like the wind; neither of the two in the cart spoke much: once he +bent down to tuck the rugs more closely round her and his hand, touching +hers, lingered a moment. When they drove into the little yard, Lylie, +the dairymaid, was mixing barley-meal and scald-milk for the pigs and +carrying on bucolic flirtation with Billy Penticost. With the +sheepishness of his sex, that youth made a great business of setting off +to the well, his pails slung outwards on a hoop. The rustic comedy +touched a long-atrophied fibre in Blanche. On an impulse of simplicity, +she told herself, "Yes, this is the best thing. I won't go back to town; +I'll live down here, close to the things that matter, and we'll just be +happy." In the rush of warm feeling she turned her eyes on Ishmael, her +love for him expanding because of the love she felt for the unsentient +things about her. His heart leapt to the look. + +"Will you come out into the big field after everyone has gone to bed?" +he asked her, busy unfastening a trace; and as she bent over a buckle on +her side of the pony she whispered, "Yes." + +She ate her supper in a state almost too placidly joyous for excitement, +and afterwards went up to her room and sat with her elbows on the +window-sill and her chin on her hands, looking out. The corn had been +cut and stacked in great Cornish arishmows, and Blanche, watching the +orange moon swim up, told herself, "When that shadow has reached the +nearest stook I will go." The shadow lay, finger-like, touching the +stook, but still she sat on, reluctant to go out and make sure of her +happiness. The moon, paling to pearl as it rose, shone clearly into the +room, making sharp shadows under the bed-curtains and lying slantwise on +the white counterpane; Blanche rose and slipped off her frock; she moved +as in a dream--her affectations of thought fell away, leaving her +instinctive. She felt as though this lover were her first, and, without +reasoning about it, knew she must be fitly dressed to meet him. She +bathed her face and hands in cold water, then put on a fresh muslin +gown, moving to and fro in full view of anyone who might be in the +sloping field outside. She half hoped, quite innocently, that Ishmael +was there watching; it seemed to her nothing unclean could live in the +white light that permeated the very air of the room. Overcome for a +moment by the strength of her own emotions, she sat on the bed and +buried her face in her hands. As she looked at herself in the glass +before leaving the room she smiled for pleasure that she was unpowdered +and unrouged, not pausing, in her exalted mood, to wonder whether she +would have faced the daylight so. It was a better, an honester, +Blanche, transmuted by happiness, that crept down the stairs, through +the small garden and across the road into the field. He was awaiting her +by the hedge. + +"How late you are!" he said, not reproachfully, but in relief that she +should have come at all. "I thought you must have changed your mind. Do +you know it is past eleven?" + +"Have I been as long as that?" Blanche hugged herself to think that she +had been so genuinely wrapped in dreams as to let so much time slip by +unheeded. Together they went down the moonlit field, where the arishmows +seemed like the pavilions of a long-dead Arthurian host conjured up by +some magician's spells. In the last field before the moor Ishmael pulled +the corn out lavishly as a throne for her and installed her on it. + +"You look like the spirit of harvest sitting there on your golden +throne," he told her, and, leaning back against the rustling stook, she +smiled mysteriously at him, all the glamour of the moonlight and her own +womanhood in her half-shut eyes. + +"Blanche ...!" + +He was kneeling beside her, his hands on her shoulders. Her eyelids +dropped before his gaze and she shook slightly. + +"You are the most beautiful thing on earth! I love you with all my heart +and soul, with every bit of me. Say you can care--Blanche, say you can...!" + +She raised her eyes: the sphinx-like look of her level brows and calm +mouth held for an instant, then her face quivered, grew tremulous and +tender. Her hands made a blind, passionate movement, and as he caught +her to him he heard her sobbing that she loved him. + +He held her close, covering her face with clumsy eager kisses, the first +he had ever given a woman, and he gave himself up to worshipping her as +she sat on the throne he had made for her. + +"Let us go to the boulders above the wood," whispered Blanche, who even +in the grip of one of the deepest feelings of her life kept her +unfailing flair for the right background; "we can see the sun rise +there, over the trees...." + +He helped her to her feet and they walked together, hand in hand, like +children. The keen personal emotion had passed, leaving them almost +timid; now certainty had settled on them passionate inquiry gave place +to peace. So they went, and he felt as though he walked in Eden, with +the one mate in all the world. Across the moors they went; then--for +they were going inland--they came to fields again, and the path ran +through acres of cabbages. The curves of the grey-green leaves held the +light in wide shimmers of silver, the dew vibrating with diamond +colours; edging their two shadows the refraction of the beams brought a +halo of brightest white. Another stretch of furze brought them to the +boulders above the wood on a level with the massed tree-tops. Ishmael +made Blanche put on his coat; then he sat beside her, his hand holding +the coat together under her chin. + +Nestling her head against him, she closed her eyes, and with soft, +regular breathings feigned a sleep that presently became reality. +Through the starlit hour between moon-setting and sun-rising Ishmael +held her; every now and then she stirred, half woke, and, moving a +little to ease his arm, lifted the pallor of her face to his. Before the +dawn she awoke completely and began to reproach herself and him. + +The time of un-self-consciousness was already over for her, and she was +once more the woman who knew how to make men love. + +"Oh, how could you let me waste time sleeping? I've not been really +asleep--only drowsing. I knew I was sitting beside you all the while." + +"Then it wasn't waste for you either." His lips trembled a little, and +he said nothing about his own emotions; it had been so unutterably sweet +to him to hold her, trusting, quiescent, in his arms and feel the +night-wind ruffling her hair against his cheek. + +It was still dusk, though the misty blue-grey of the tree-tops was +imperceptibly changing to a more living hue, and the sky, stained a deep +rust colour, showed a molten whiteness where it touched the world's rim. +He unknowingly gripped Blanche's hand till she nearly cried out; except +as something that made beauty more beautiful he hardly knew she was +there. Slowly the miracle of dawn unfolded; down in the woods birds +lifted glad heads, the lids were raised from round, bright eyes, and +there came up to the watchers on the rocks the first faint notes that +pierced the air of the new day. + +Nothing was very wide-awake as yet; all life stirred as though beneath a +film; a dim blue coverlet still lay lightly over the wood; the earth +held her breath for the moment of birth. What a waiting, what a wide +clear sense of certain expectation! The sky, naked of clouds, had become +a brightening sphere of pearliness; a deep rose gathered over the hills +and spread fanlike, licking up the ashen pallor with stabs of flame. A +livid red-gold rim sprang into being behind the hill crests, and slowly +and in state the sun swam up the molten sky. He turned to Blanche with +the tears in his eyes. + +"Dearest, the sun has risen!" He drew her face to his and kissed her, +not as before, but with the sense of consummating a sacrament. She rose +to her feet a little unsteadily, and they set their faces towards +Paradise cottage. + +"You must get some rest," he said; "it's only half-past four now." + +The exaltation of the dawn had left her, and she quickened her steps, +wondering uneasily what her skin looked like unaided in this dazzling +light. She slipped noiselessly into the house by the front door, which +she barred behind her; the clatter of hobnails from the little yard told +that Billy was already about his business, but behind Mrs. Penticost's +door all was quiet. With her finger to her lips Blanche leaned from her +window and breathed "Good-night" and disappeared into the shadows. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +SHEAVES + + +The following day dawned still and hot as ever, but overcast with a grey +film, though the pale sky held a glaring quality that reflected on to +the eyeballs. Down in the lowest meadow the oats had not yet been +gathered into sheaves, and John-James, gazing at the sky, was of opinion +that the sooner it was done the better. Ishmael agreed without +enthusiasm, till it occurred to him that Blanche, who was so charmed +with a farmer's life, would probably enjoy helping. It might be made +into a sort of picnic, a _fete champetre_; the beautiful monkey could +help, and he could send a boy over to the mill to fetch Phoebe. They +would make a day of it--the kind of pastoral occasion which cannot +exactly be called artificial and yet which does not in the least +represent the actual life of those who live by land. + +Vassie was enthusiastic about the idea, and soon the house was in a +ferment with preparations; bottles of cider were brought out, a stone +puncheon of beer produced for the men, cakes and pasties began to form +beneath Vassie's willing hands. Ishmael felt a pang as he watched her. +How could it affect her but adversely, this change he was to make? He +felt that Blanche would not want any of his family, even Vassie, living +in the house with them, and it was her right to order such a matter as +she would. To settle anywhere with her mother was impossible for the +proud fastidious Vassie, and, though he could allow her enough money to +make her independent, she could hardly, in the ideas of those days, go +alone into the world upon it. + +There would be terrible scenes with his mother, he realised, before she +would consent to go, but he shook the thought of it all off him on this +the first morning of his plighted faith with Blanche. It would be +unpleasant, but imperative, and how well worth it!... Meanwhile, there +was love to be enjoyed, every moment of it--love that was still to him +such a shy and delicate thing that he hardly dared to breathe upon it +for fear of ruffling in some clumsy way Blanche's fine susceptibilities. +She must have had so much to suffer from undue approaches in her battle +with the world; not from him should such tarnishing come. + +He sent a note down to her at Mrs. Penticost's to tell her again, in his +morning greeting, of his love and to advise her of the mock-business of +the day. Blanche was still in bed when it arrived, and Judith, looking +more like a handsome monkey than ever in a faded red Garibaldi, took it +in to her. + +Judith still admired Blanche above all women, although she saw her as +now with a creamed face and hair that resembled a row of little slugs +disposed about her brow. Blanche rose above all this as she managed to +rise above an inauspicious background, and the lazy stretch she gave +beneath the sheet that was all that covered her, bringing out two white +arms above her head so that the muscles swelled under the tight skin, +was so lovely in its feline grace as to triumph over anything else. + +"Here's a note for you; I think it's from Mr. Ruan," said Judith. "Mrs. +Penticost said she thought it was." Judy did not add that Mrs. +Penticost's precise method of giving the information had been to snort +out: "T'young maister can't live through the night wethout writing to +she, simminly.... Poor sawl!" + +Blanche read the little note through twice, a smile on her face, then +pulled Judith down to her and kissed her. + +"Blanche, are you ...?" asked Judy breathlessly. + +Blanche nodded. + +"Oh, Blanche, what is it like? Is it as wonderful as books say? Do you +feel thrills?" + +"What sort of thrills?" + +"Oh, up and down your spine, I suppose! Like I feel when I hear music." + +"Yes, it's just like music. It somehow sets the whole of life to music," +answered Blanche solemnly. + +"How wonderful!... Blanche--has he kissed you?" + +"Yes, last night. Judy, a woman doesn't know what life means till the +man she loves kisses her." + +Judy sat rapt, saying nothing. Her deep-set hazel eyes took on a look as +of one who sees visions, impersonal but entrancing. Blanche rolled +herself out of bed and, going over to the glass, began to examine her +skin in the white light shed from the sky in at the window. + +"Bother!" she murmured; "I'm getting a spot! Oh, Judy, isn't that too +bad just when I want to look nice?... Of course, he's the kind to love +me just as much with a spot, but I feel I can't love myself so much...." + +"I'll lend you some of my lotion," said Judy, jumping up; "you can cover +it over, if you try, with that and powder. It doesn't look anything +really. I always think one sees one's own spots long before anyone else +can, anyway." + +"Yes, that's true; it will be all right if I can prevent it getting +any worse. You never have any spots, you lucky baby. Just hand me the +lotion ... and my dressing-gown ... thanks ever so." Blanche slipped on +the wrapper, and going to the top of the little flight of stairs called +down them: "Mrs. Penticost ... my bath-water, please!" + +No answer. + +"Mrs. Pe-e-e-ntico-s-st," called Blanche, "I must have my bath-water! I +shall die, dear Mrs. Penticost, if I can't have my bath-water this very +moment!" + +From subterranean distance came a muffled voice which nevertheless +enunciated distinctly: "Die, then, damon, die...." + +"Oh, Mrs. Penticost, how unkind you are!" cried Blanche, laughing. "I +don't a bit want to die to-day. I want to live and be happy and for +everyone in the world to be happy too." + +These last remarks were addressed to the form of Mrs. Penticost toiling +upstairs with the can of water. The good lady clanked the can down and +pulled out the flat tin bath from under the bed before replying, which +she did over her shoulder as she was leaving the room. + +"Aw!" she observed, "I'd be careful if I was you. Be cryen before +night!" + +"Cheery old thing!" grimaced Blanche. "Do go and see she gets breakfast +ready quickly, Judy. She'll do anything for you." + +Judy flung herself downstairs and upon the neck of Mrs. Penticost, who +called her a lamb, bade her get out of the way and sit down while she +got her a cup of tea and some bread and butter to keep her going till +that lazy faggot overstairs should have put enough mucks on her face to +be able to breakfast. + +The day brightened, though still with a curious pallor that was more +glare than sunlight, and both girls put on cool muslin dresses, or as +cool as the long full skirts would allow of their being. Vassie was in +blue, Phoebe in pink, Judy in primrose, while Blanche was white even +to her shady hat. Girls never look as well as when there are several of +them together, just as men never look so ill as in a crowd. What brings +out all the ungainliness of men's attire emphasises the butterfly nature +of girls--their look, their voices, the little graces they +half-consciously and half-unknowingly display with each other, show +each off to better advantage than at any other time. Vassie, Phoebe, +Judith, and Blanche made the rough field a flower-garden that day to eye +and ear, almost to nostril, for their presence was so quickening that +the sweet smell of the oats and the green things cut with it seemed to +emanate from the girls and be part of their presence. Laughter and the +swish of skirts mingled with the rustle of stalk and grain, the sway and +the dip of skirts mingled with the bending of the sheaves. To Ishmael +his lover seemed the sweeter thus absorbed as one of others than even +alone. All that month he had been seeing her only, to such an extent +that her relationship with the rest of the world down at Cloom had not +held his attention. Now he realised how vital the state of those +relationships was, and seeing her one of a beautiful scheme that seemed +inevitable and lasting as a Greek frieze, he took that purely physical +circumstance to mean mental harmony as well. + +It was hard work, though sweet, among the oats, and the physical +exertion satisfied everyone, so that no fringe was left beyond it for +thought. When they first entered the field the crop lay in broad tawny +bands across the greener stubble, just as it had fallen from the +scythes. The amateur harvesters had to gather the oats into great +bundles and, binding them, stack the sheaves thus made together, against +the day, close at hand now, when they would be carried to the threshing. + +Bent-backed, the girls went along the rows, pushing the oats as they +went into bundles bigger than themselves, trying to keep the feathery +heads as much as possible at one end. Round each bundle Ishmael pulled a +roughly-twisted rope of the oats, tugging it fast; and when it was +Blanche's bundle be spanned, then his hands would touch hers through the +glossy straws. Every now and again, for change of labour, the girls +would stagger under a heavy sheaf to where one or two others lay ready +and prop them up against each other, with a careful eye to the wind, +lest, if the sheaves were not built solidly enough or fairly balanced, +they might be found spilt along the ground in the morning. And all +through the work, the sweeping up of the bundles, the twisting of the +ropes, the carrying and the stacking, the rustling noise filled the air, +while the faint but pervading smell, that subtle, inexpressibly +wholesome smell of ripe grain, made it sweet. + +"I love you!" said Ishmael over the dancing oats as Blanche's eyes met +his. + +"And I you!..." she replied, slipping her fingers through the yielding +straws for his to find and press, while he drew her as near him as she +could come for the sheaf between. + +She had, indeed, never been so sure she loved him, not even the night +before when passion had called to her. He looked so splendid with his +brown throat laid bare by his open shirt; his dark hair, wet with sweat, +pushed off his brow; his dark eyes at once younger and more the eyes of +a man than they had ever showed. Blanche felt an odd and delicious +thrill as she met his dominant glance; she exulted in the swing of his +lithe body, in the ease with which he tossed the heavy sheaves, even in +the sweat that stood out over his face and chest, and which made him the +more male, the more primitive. She herself had never seemed so +fascinating and so sure; Vassie was swept away by her for the first +time; Phoebe lost a certain sense of grudge in awed admiration; Judy, +in speech and action, contrived to lead up to her friend, +whole-heartedly exploiting the wonder of her. John-James and Killigrew +were probably the only two there who did not acknowledge the sway. + +Killigrew declined to labour with the rest; he set up his easel and did +several little sketches, nearly all of Judy, whose dark head showed +against the grey-gold background of the field with a greater +distinction than the pale chignons of Blanche and Vassie or the +indeterminate locks of Phoebe. + +"You don't repent?" asked Ishmael, sure of his answer, as he and Blanche +each poised a sheaf against the other's. + +"No, no, and no," she told him, bending round the stack to see his face, +her hands still holding it at either side as children stand and dodge +when they are playing hide-and-seek. He shot out a hand to her, but she +evaded it and was off to where more bundles lay upon the stubble, and +not for some time did he get another chance to speak to her. Without a +word said they tacitly agreed to play this game of only meeting, hands +and eyes, now and again as though by chance, she sheltering behind the +oats, feeling his passion of worship, even so, as much as she could face +under watching eyes. Like children they played at this game which had +grown up without a word, both recognising it, and both the happier for +the frail barriers and the secret exchanged by stealth before the +others. At lunch, eaten on the grassy slope of the next field, he did +not even sit next her, but both had to watch over themselves that they +did not yield too often to the temptation of a glance that would have +told as much to an onlooker as to each other. + +The afternoon somehow lacked the first ecstasy of the morning, the +labour suddenly became harder to unaccustomed muscles, and the girls lay +in the shadows of the stooks and idled. They had time to talk among +themselves while Ishmael and John-James worked on at the far end of the +field. Blanche thought it rather silly and tiresome of Ishmael to keep +on at it; surely he could leave that clumsy brother of his--for the +first time the realisation that John-James actually was whole brother to +Ishmael flashed into her mind--and wander away somewhere with her! What +was the good of being the owner and master if he could not get some one +else to do the work when it became a bore? So Blanche inwardly; and +Ishmael, to whom it would never have occurred to begin work on a field +and leave it half-done, went on steadily--stooping, gathering, binding; +she could see the perpetual crouch of his figure, hardly ever +straightening itself, down there against a background of green hedge and +sullen grey sea. + +Blanche leant up alongside her stook and Vassie sat watching her, while +Judy, who had seen a wistful look on Phoebe's baby face, drew her into +such superficial personal talk as she could best compass. + +"When do you go back to London?" was Vassie's abrupt and not very happy +opening. + +"Why, I don't know ... it all depends," answered Blanche, her beautiful +low voice sounding very rich after Vassie's hard tones. "You've never +been to London, have you, Vassie? I may call you Vassie, mayn't I?" + +"I've never been further than Plymouth." + +"You must come to London some day with me," said Blanche. She had no +intention of spending all her days at Cloom, and she wished to win over +this sulky beauty to her side. Vassie looked doubtfully at her, but +began to thaw. London ... it meant all of hope and the future to Vassie. + +"I would dearly love to," she said. "I suppose you know it very well, +like I know Penzance. I don't go even to Plymouth very often, and of +course it's not London. The people are rather common. I daresay there's +all sorts in London, but I suppose you know a lot of families up there?" + +"A good many," said Blanche casually. She was pleased at the signs of a +thaw; she was one of those women who are as eager to stand well with +their own sex as with men and take as much care to ensure it. + +"You would do well in London, Vassie," she went on, fixing her eyes on +the girl after a habit she had, and which always gave the impression +that she was talking to the only person on earth who really interested +her; "you are very beautiful, you know." + +Vassie flushed with pleasure and did not trouble to deny the obvious +truth of the statement. She knew she was the only girl there with +undoubted beauty; what she did not know was that she was also the only +one who would never be very attractive to men. She looked at Phoebe's +retreating chin, at Judith's prominent cheek-bones and deep-set, +melancholy eyes with the bistre stains below them, at Blanche's +subtly-broad face with its too-small lips, and unconsciously she put up +her hand to feel her own lovely contours and smooth skin. + +Blanche slipped a firm, cool hand into hers. "Don't worry, Vassie," she +said in a low voice; "I foresee great things for you. You're a wonderful +girl, my dear. Now, I suppose we ought to be helping those two poor, +dear men again." She rose to her feet with one of the lithe movements +that always seemed rather surprising in a girl of her firmly-knit build, +which would have been heavy had it not been for its grace. Vassie, with +a fulness that was so much more supple to a casual glance, yet followed +her less beautifully. + +"Still, a lot can be done with her," thought Blanche, watching. She +motioned to her to come and help her with a row that had not yet been +gathered into a bundle, and Vassie stooped over it with her. + +"Why, what's that?" exclaimed Blanche, catching sight of something grey +that went rustling swiftly downwards between the straws. She thrust her +hand down, thinking it was a field-mouse, and caught the thing. A +speckled toad wriggled in her fingers, lustily enough, but it was a toad +that had seen tragedy. The keen edge of a scythe must have caught it, +for one side of its head was shorn away; the eye had just been missed, +but the inside of the poor little animal's mouth and throat lay exposed, +pulsating and brilliantly red--a purer hue of blood was never seen than +in that grey creature. + +Blanche cried out in pity, while Vassie calmly advised death, seconded +by Phoebe, and Judith looked away, sorry and sick, Blanche called to +Ishmael, using his Christian name for the first time publicly, and aware +of it herself and of its effect on Vassie through all her real pity. +Ishmael came running, and, taking the little beast tenderly, offered to +knock it on the head with a stone before it knew what was happening; but +Blanche forbade him. She took it back, her fingers slipping in between +it and his palm, and stood bending over it. + +"Poor little thing!" she said; "at least it's not bleeding now, and I +believe it may live. It doesn't seem to be suffering, so let's give it +its chance. Put it over the wall onto the grass, Ishmael." + +He vaulted over and, taking the toad from her, laid it down on the dewy +grass. It sat trembling for a few moments, and then began to hop away +and was lost in the tall blades that met above its mutilated head--one +of the many tragedies of harvest. + +Dusk had fallen while the toad's fate hung in the balance; a pastel dusk +that, even as the girls still stood watching, was made tremulous by the +first faint breath of the moon. From the sea came the red glare of the +Wolf and the cold pure beam of the Bishop; in the north Charles' Wain +gave the first twinkle of its lights; while from the roads came the +creak of the terrestrial waggons beginning to lumber slowly home. It was +time for supper, for lamps, for that meeting within walls which enforces +a sudden intimacy after a day spent in the open, for beginning real +life, as it would have to be lived, once more. The three men stayed +behind to gather the remnants of the picnic, but the girls lifted their +pale skirts about them and were gone over the high stone stile like +moths. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE STILE + + +That evening as supper was being eaten in the new dining-room at +Cloom--a merry supper enough, for all Annie's skeleton presence at one +end of the table--Archelaus walked in. It was the first time he had been +over to Cloom since the night of the bush-beating, and it was the first +time Ishmael had seen him since that glimpse in the light of a lantern +in the wood. + +Ishmael looked at his brother, and all that affair seemed very long ago, +in a life when he had not been to London, mixed with men, or met +Blanche. He held out a hand to Archelaus, who for a stupid moment stood +staring at it; then he saw the stranger girl from London, Ishmael's +girl, of whom he had heard, watching him. Beyond her sat Phoebe. Some +train of thought was lit in Archelaus's mind, and burned there; the +second of hesitation during which his survey and the thought took place +within his mind was imperceptible as he awkwardly struck his big fist +into Ishmael's palm. Everyone present was aware, in greater or less +degree, according to the amount of his knowledge, of relief. + +Archelaus drew out a chair and partook of supper, talking little; but +that little was good, racy, at times too much so, full of shrewd +observations and little flashing gleams of knowledge of men and things. +Ishmael was not abashed and silenced by it as he had been on the night +of his birthday; he too, as he sat there with his "girl" and his wider +experiences, felt that the ground over which Archelaus roamed was not +altogether untrodden by himself. Annie, by the incursion of her eldest +born, was changed, as always, from an acrid acquiescence to definite +enmity towards Ishmael and his concerns. She became so rude to Blanche +that it seemed the temper of a veritable angel still to be able to smile +and answer with politeness. For her sake Ishmael also kept his temper, +though inwardly he was ragingly angry--not so much with Annie for being +rude as with Archelaus for behaving so unwontedly well through it +all--hushing his mother up instead of encouraging her, and speaking +respectfully to Blanche himself. + +After supper the young people drifted out of doors, and before the +girls, wrapping themselves against the dew, joined them, Archelaus +drifted in his cat-like way--odd for so big a man--to Ishmael's side. + +"Will I wish 'ee joy, Ishmael?" he asked. "'Tes easy to see where your +heart be set. Does the maid feel she can love 'ee and Cloom Manor?" + +The last words and some indefinable quality in the tone jarred on +Ishmael, disturbing the satisfaction he had felt glowing over him at the +supper-table. + +"If you mean have I proposed to Miss Grey?" he said a little pompously +as youth will speak, "I have." + +"And will she have 'ee, or has she given 'ee a clout in th' ear?" + +Ishmael hated having to tell this barbarian anything about his lovely +Blanche; he turned sick when he thought that this would be Blanche's +brother ... free to call her by her name, to take her hand.... All he +could bring himself to say was that he believed Miss Grey was going to +become his wife, but that he would thank Archelaus not to go talking +about it, as nothing was to be made public as yet. + +"There are other people to consider," he said: "her relations whom I +shall have to see, and a lot of things like that. It is not like +marrying a girl from the nearest village," he added tactlessly, but +without, in his self-absorption, meaning to wound. + +Archelaus drew away through the night. He laughed a little. + +"Not as if you was wedding Phoebe, who's only a miller's girl?" he +asked. Ishmael laughed too, though a little doubtfully, not sure of the +cordiality of Archelaus's chuckle. + +"Of course it's not like. Phoebe's a dear little thing, but Miss Grey +is different, naturally." + +In the passage Archelaus ran into Phoebe, emerging with the other +girls, and took from her with an air of gallantry the wrap she had upon +her arm. + +"I'll put 'ee home," he told her: "best have this on; 'tes a bit cool on +cliff." + +"Oh, but--" began Phoebe. She had no hopes, such as she had cherished, +against all reason, upon getting Ishmael's note that morning, of a +moonlit walk home with him, but something in her shrank from the walk +undertaken with Archelaus. He wrapped the shawl about her as she spoke. +Phoebe could no more have resisted a man who had his mind made up than +a frog can get away from a viper which has once sighted it, and she let +herself be swathed without further protest. Good-byes were said, with +careless affection on the part of Vassie, and kindliness from Judith and +a pressure of the hand and a deep look from Blanche. + +"Good-night, little girl! You're going to be very happy, too, you know," +said Blanche, who knew nothing about it, but felt it was a good thing to +say. Phoebe and Archelaus, both tongue-tied now they were alone, set +off through the moonlight and the soft air to the cliff path. + +It was a long time now since she had met Archelaus out of doors, as he +had several times half-coaxed, half-bullied her into doing. Now she felt +a constraint with him she had not previously, as though there were some +portent in the simple act of seeing her home there had never been +before. She had, of course, flirted with him in a very innocent way, if +her methods had been a little cruder than Blanche's would have under the +same circumstances. The repartee had been simple and the caresses +nothing more than a slight touch on waist or arm, repulsed by her with +more alarm than prudery. Phoebe was fonder far of Ishmael than of +Archelaus; she told herself that she admired Ishmael more--he was so +much the gentleman.... What she did not know was that a rebel thing in +her, the thing for which poor facile, soft little Phoebe had been as +much created as though she had been a field-mouse, responded to +Archelaus because it felt he was so much the male. Phoebe had been +safeguarded all her short life by her notions of gentility and by her +fear, the fear, not of consequences, but, less base than that, the fear +of actual passion, which is often implanted in very passionate girls as +though to guard them till the time comes. + +When they reached the first stile Phoebe lifted her skirts and +pattered up to it, stood poised upon its crest, and then, with a little +gasp, yielded to Archelaus's strong arms as he seized her and swung her +down bodily. + +"Such a lil' bit of a thing as you be," said Archelaus; "like a lil' cat +in my arms, so soft and all." + +They went on, he leading and brushing away the tendrils of bramble and +the tougher branches of furze across the narrow cliff-path. At each +stile he lifted her, only now he picked her up as they approached and +carried her right over them. At the last stile he held her instead of +putting her down when they reached the further side. + +"Put me down, Archelaus," she whispered. He still held her, his hands +beneath her armpits, so that they cupped the curve of her breast, her +face just beneath his, her feet dangling. + +"I'll have a kiss afore putten 'ee down, then. I've never kissed 'ee +since you was a lil' maid to school." + +"No!" said Phoebe; "no!" She did not know why she protested; she had +been kissed with the awkward shy kisses of youth often enough for her +years, but she turned her mouth this way and that to escape his. He went +on holding her in air, though his arms were beginning to tremble a +little with the strain, and simply followed her mouth with his, brushing +it lightly. Suddenly she felt she could bear no longer that easy +mastery, those following lips that passed and repassed over hers and +could so easily have settled if they chose. Why didn't they? She turned +like a little animal, and instead of evading any longer, sank her lips +into his. + +She hung there then, helpless indeed; for his mouth, no longer making a +play of hers, held it, bore it down. When he released her he dropped her +on to her feet at the same time. Phoebe turned from him and ran +towards the mill. He followed leisurely, sure of her next action as only +his experience of women could have made him sure, and found her, for all +her flight, waiting for him in the shadow of the door. + +"You shouldn't," she murmured. "I had to wait and tell you you +shouldn't. 'Tesn't right or fitty to kiss that way. It frightens me, +Archelaus." + +"Why edn' it right?" + +"Because--because we aren't wed," faltered Phoebe. + +"Wed!..." In his voice was light laughter and a kindly scorn. "What's +wed but a word? We're men and women on this earth; that's all that +matters to my way of thinken!" + +Phoebe was vaguely hurt and insulted, which did duty for being shocked +very well. She opened the door and passed into the passage. + +"I'd best be going," she said, still half-wishful to linger--anxious +not to make herself cheap, yet wishing he would start some conversation +which would make it possible to stay without seeming to want to over +much. + +"When'll you be out again?" asked Archelaus, his foot in the door. + +"I don't know." + +"I do. Good-night, lil' thing!" And he withdrew the foot and was off +through the darkness under the elms. Phoebe was left with her awakened +heart-beats. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +A LETTER + + +Harvest had all been gathered in at Cloom, the threshing was over, the +grain lay in heaps, grey-green and golden, in the barn, or had been sold +and taken away, and the first tang of early autumn was in the air. The +peewits had come down and were mewing in the dappled skies, and on the +telegraph wires the high-shouldered swallows sat in rows preparing for +flight; in the hedgerows the dead hemlocks, brittle as fine shells, were +ready to scatter their pale seeds at a touch, and the blackberries, on +which as the West Country saying has it, the devil had already laid his +finger, were filmed with mildew. It was autumn, but rich, warm autumn, +dropping her leaf and seed into the teeming earth, whose grain was +garnered, but whose womb was already fertile with the future. + +Blanche was still at Mrs. Penticost's, and the engagement, though it had +not actually been announced, had leaked out, and Blanche was not at all +satisfied with the results that had followed upon that dissemination of +knowledge. Annie's hostility she could bear, for she knew that, once +married to Ishmael, his mother would be placed somewhere too far removed +for the nuisance of her to be more than occasional; it was not that +which was blowing with so chill a breath over her spirit. It was, as she +phrased it to herself, the whole thing.... + +Ever since that night upon the boulders above the wood her sureness, +both of the depth of her own feeling for Ishmael and for the country +method of life that went with him, had been declining, as from some +crest set in too rarefied an air for her to breathe with comfort. Poise +had been slipping from her, and she was genuinely distressed. In the +first stage of her declension she was chiefly occupied with a frantic +snatching at her passion--a sustained effort to pull it back and keep it +with her; in the second she was occupied in wondering how best to get +gracefully out of the entanglement, which was how she grew to envisage +it. At first this seemed to be hardly possible; she saw pathetic +pictures of herself going on with it and sacrificing herself, unaware +how the pleasure of the moment was leading her on, how charming she +found Ishmael's considerate and tender love-making that came to her +jaded nerves with the refreshing quality of a draught of pure water to a +man who has lived too long on champagne. The actual present continued to +be pleasurable long after she had determined that it could never +crystallise into anything more definite, and so she went on from day to +day, enjoying herself, yet vaguely hoping something would happen which +would enable her to retire from the engagement without loss of +self-respect or that of Ishmael. + +For gradually she became quite sure that she could not go through with +it, that she must get right away. The people she wanted to know had not +called on her--the Parson, on whose help she had relied, held out no +assistance; Annie was stubborn and would obviously, wherever she was, do +her best to make of herself a barrier against the world, the world that +Blanche must know if life were to be tolerable here. The climax, to +Blanche's mind, had been a ball just given by a local magnate and his +wife who lived on the outskirts of Penzance. Ishmael had been invited +and she with him, under the chaperonage of an elderly cousin of the +Parson's who was staying at the Vicarage. And the ball, from Blanche's +point of view, had been a failure. She had been received politely, but +without enthusiasm; and she had overheard some of the other guests +saying that they supposed young Ruan had had to be invited, but that it +was really dashed awkward!... And she was beginning to realise that +Ishmael, when he had paid his mother a little income, paid Vassie enough +to live on, paid John-James bigger wages to allow of his living +elsewhere, would not be nearly as well off as she had thought ... a +visit to London once a year would be the utmost to be hoped for. And for +the rest--year in, year out, at Cloom, watching the waxing and waning of +the seasons, bearing children, the children Ishmael looked for to +inherit the horrid place after him.... Blanche, fond as she still was of +him, literally shuddered as she saw where glamour, in company with +boredom and desperation, had been about to lead her. After all, she need +not despair: there were other men in the world, and she had been silly +to expect to meet anyone she could marry at the theatre; it was no sign +of waning charm that she had failed there. If only she could think of a +good excuse, she would go home and write to Ishmael from there.... Yet +that gave her no scope, allowed no scene such as her soul loved as long +as she could shine creditably.... + +She could not quite decide how to stage-manage her exit; but, whether +she went or not, Judy had to go back to her people--Judy who would bear +with her the slim little sheaf of poems she had written during her stay, +Judy sun-browned, almost more of the elf than the monkey. Killigrew had +settled to go the same day to accompany her on the tiresome journey, and +then he was for Paris again, his beloved Paris; he vowed that he should +burst if he stayed in England any longer. On the morning of the day +before Judy's departure Blanche, who, half-packed, was still trying to +make up her mind, received a letter that, with no sense of impiousness, +she considered providential. + +Mrs. Penticost brought it in to her, between a red finger and thumb, +rather steamy from washing-up, and busied herself about the room while +her lodger read the closely-written pages. Mrs. Penticost was frankly +curious, and if Blanche did not tell her what was in that letter she +meant to find out by questioning her. + +Blanche hardly noticed her presence; she was too rapt in the +providential happenings described to her by the garrulous pen of her +stepmother. The very crackle of the paper between her fingers gave her +fresh courage as she read. And yet it was a very simple letter, coming +as it did from the simple woman who she so often said had nothing in +common with herself. + + * * * * * + +"Dear Blanche," ran the letter, "I wonder how much longer you are going +to stay in Cornwall? Your father feels it hard that you should not spend +any of your holiday with him, and I don't think will go on much longer +with your allowance if you are neither working nor staying at home. You +know he was determined you should have your chance to become a great +actress, as you were so set on it and discontented at home, and indeed I +do not blame you, for I know how dull it is here. However, just at +present the neighbourhood is very lively, as we have a new lord of the +manor--only imagine it! You know old Mr. Crossthwaite died in the spring +and the place has been sold this summer to a very rich young +man--_trade_, I think, but _quite_ a gentleman; you would never know the +difference, and has been educated at Cambridge, I am told. He seems a +quite nice young man, and all the neighbours are making him give parties +and giving them themselves, I believe to try and marry him to one of +their daughters, but as you know there is nobody much here now. There +are Dr. Smythe's daughters, but they are so very plain, poor dears! and +the only others are Lady Geraldine and Lady Sybil, and I don't suppose +they would look at him, being so much older and occupied in their +charities, even if he were inclined, so I'm sure we can't blame the +young man if he refuses to fall in love at all down here. If you were +here I expect it would be a very different story; he's just your type, +if you know what I mean, very like your Mr. Bellew, poor young man. I +wonder what has happened to him. I did hear he married a barmaid, and +I'm sure it was a judgment on his mother for saying he was too young to +marry you. Well, there is no more news, except that that silly little +housemaid I got a good place for at the Hall is in trouble--the +gamekeeper, I believe; but she is very obstinate and won't say. These +girls are enough to make one give up trying to help them. Also the +carpet in the drawing-room is right _through_ at last, so I am in hopes +of persuading your father we really must have a new one. I don't think +it looks at all well for the rector of the parish to have a carpet that +callers have to be warned not to catch their feet in. The rug cannot be +made to cover it as it's right in the middle. I do my best with an +occasional table, but then that gets in the way. With love, my dear +Blanche, from myself and your father, believe me, + +"Yours affectionately, + +"MARY LETITIA GREY." + + * * * * * + +This was the letter that had flashed like a ray of sun into the scheme +of things for Blanche, and whose salient portions--by which she meant +those directly affecting herself--she repeated over and over. "A very +rich young man ... educated at Cambridge, I am told ... cannot blame the +poor young man if he does not fall in love down here ... it would be +different if you were home. He is just your style." That meant the style +of man who fell in love with her, now always younger than herself. + +"Got bad news, have 'ee, or is it good?" asked Mrs. Penticost, who could +contain herself in silence no longer. She gave up the pretence of +dusting and stood frankly looking at her lodger. + +"I--I don't quite know how to take it, Mrs. Penticost," temporised +Blanche. + +"Whisht kind of news that must be," remarked Mrs. Penticost, who had not +watched Miss Grey these past weeks without getting a shrewd idea of the +tendency of her thoughts and affections. "I was wondering whether you +weren't feeling glad that time's come to go--if 'ee are going along of +Miss Judy?" + +There was no answer to this, and Mrs. Penticost, her rosy face set in +lines of determination, began again. + +"Must be rare and dull for 'ee down here after London, though there was +that ball in to Penzance t'other night. Dance weth Maister Ruan, ded +'ee, my dear? They do say he handles his feet some pretty. I remember +when I was a maid I was all for a man who could do that. I got as far as +walking arm-a-crook weth a chap wance, and, thought I, 'I won't go for +to ask he to step in till I do know if he can dance wi' I.' Some trouble +I ded have keepen' he quiet till there was a gala and us could dance. +Primitive Wesleyan, the gala was. He was all for me maken' up my mind +long before, and I wouldn' have un till I knew, nor yet I wouldn' let un +go. 'Must keep cousins weth he or he'll go off,' I thought; and so I +ded, my dear, just managed it nicely. I gave the go-bye to a fine-looken +chap from St. Just to dance wi' my man, and then I found that he never +danced toall, and hadn't dared tell me. Mad as fire I was, and abused +him worse than dung. But you couldn' ever go for to lay that complaint +against Maister Ruan, nor yet any other, I should say." + +"Mr. Ruan is all that is good and splendid, of course, Mrs. Penticost," +said Blanche, folding up her letter. + +"He is that, sure 'nough, and it'll be a bad day for the woman that ever +does him a hurt, him that has had enough already to turn his very heart +grey in his breast. I wouldn' like to see no woman do that." + +"Mightn't it be better than making him unhappier in the long run by not +doing him a hurt now, as you call it?" asked Blanche. + +"If he but knew what was best for him, 'tes a sharp hurt and soon +auver," said Mrs. Penticost frankly; "but he'm like all men, naught but +a cheild that cries for the moon, and a woman as has a heart would +sooner see a man getten' what he wants, even when 'tes bad for 'en, than +see him eaten' his soul away with longing. There's a deal of +satisfaction in maken' our own unhappiness, and a man has that to +console him." + +"You are a Job's comforter," cried Blanche, rustling out of the room. +She had heard the well-known click of the little gate, and she fled +upstairs to be alone with her thoughts and her letter for a few moments +before meeting Ishmael. She no longer doubted she was going to break off +her engagement and leave for home the next day, but she still had to +decide on the type of Blanche who should appear to him and what her +manner and aspect should be. A tender grieving, shown in a pale face and +quiet eyes, would probably be best ... and she could always introduce a +maternal note in the very accent of her "dear boy...." + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +BLOWN HUSKS + + +Not for nothing had Ishmael given way to the incursion of the personal, +always before so jealously kept out of his life. His desire for +impersonality now only kept by him in a fierce wish to blot out his own +as much as possible, to sink it in that of the beloved, to drown in +hers. He was obsessed by Blanche, she filled the world for him from rim +to rim; and though with his mind he still admitted the absurdity of it, +could even look at his own state dispassionately, he yet had to admit +the fact. It was some time since he had been near Boase, because, +although the Parson never so much as hinted it, Ishmael knew he was not +in sympathy with him over this. Annie he felt he could hate for her +antagonism, which, as long as it had been against himself alone, he had +not minded; even Vassie would not yield altogether and come in on his +side. Blanche had to fight the lot of them, he told himself--resentful, +fearful lest they should frighten her away. But at the bottom of it all +was the fear, the distrust of her which he refused to recognise. + +On this morning as he went down over the fields to Mrs. Penticost's he +was more uneasy than ever before--he knew it was not his imagination +that she had been different these last few days; he began to be beset by +vague fears to which he had not dared give form even in his own mind, +much less in any speech with her. Yet since the dance he had faced the +conclusion that they could not go on as they were, that Blanche must +either agree to a wedding or a final parting.... + +He reached the cottage and had to wait awhile till Blanche, pale and +grave, came to him in the little parlour. + +"Come out," he said to her. "There's a lot of things I want to say, and +I can't here. The room's too small." + +Blanche hesitated, seemed to be weighing something in her mind, and then +agreed docilely; she put on a hat, and then went beside him towards the +cliff. As they went Ishmael tried to take her hand, trying to capture +with it some of the spirit of joy which had fled, but she was carrying a +little bag, which she snatched away; there came from it a crackle as of +a letter.... They went down on to the cliff together and stood awhile in +a speechless constraint among the withered bracken. + +It was a day of sunlight so faint it seemed dead, like some gleam +refracted onto the pale bright sky, and so to earth, rather than any +direct outflow; the quiet air was only stirred by the swish of scythes +from the sloping cliff where two men cut the crisp bracken down for +litter for cattle. The time of year had fallen upon rust--brown-rust +were the bells of the dried heath, the spires of wall-pennywort that +lurked in the crannies of the boulders; blood-rust were the wisps of +dead sorrel that stood up into the sunlight; fawn-rust were the hemlocks +with their spidery umbels, and a deader fawn were the masses of seeded +hemp-agrimony, whose once plumy heads were now become mere frothy tufts +of down, that blew against Blanche's dress as she passed, and clung +there. + +Swish-swish ... came the even sweep of the scythes, a whispering sound +that irritated Blanche and somehow disarranged her carefully-prepared +sentences before ever they had a chance to reach her tongue. She felt +that here, on the rust-red cliff, with that deadly scything sounding in +their ears, Ishmael would get the better of her, and she turned through +the bracken to where an overgrown track led to what had once been a +series of tiny gardens set on the cliff and walled in with thick elder. +There at least they could be hidden from the eyes of any stray +labourers, and with less space about her she felt she would find her +task easier. Ishmael followed her with a heart that warned him of dread +to come. Always afterwards he avoided those dead gardens on the cliff +that he had been wont to like to wander in. + +They stretched, some dozen or so of them, down the slope, divided up +thus for better protection against the wind. The close-set hedges of +elder were bare as skeletons, but so thickly entwined as, even so, to +form dense screens, only broken at the corners to allow of passing from +one little garden to the next and the next, both below and to one side. +In his childhood they had belonged to an old man who cultivated them +assiduously and sent in the produce to the weekly market at Penzance, +and then, in their patchwork brightness as narcissi and wall flowers, +violets, or beans and young potatoes, flourished there, they had +deserved their name of jewel-gardens, and to himself he had always +called them "the hanging gardens of Babylon"--a phrase that had filled +him with a sense of joy. Now they had been long neglected, and the bare +earth crumbled underfoot; even grass or weeds seemed afraid to grow +there. Dead, quiet, and still, they were become sinister little squares +of earth, shrouded by those contorted elders, dry and brown as they. + +Blanche paused by a tall hedge and stood with her back against it, her +arms outflung on either side and her head up bravely. Ishmael had a +moment of looking round blindly as though he were in some trap from +which he could not escape, as though the walls of dead elder had grown +together and were penning him in. Then he faced her and spoke. + +"Blanche!" he said; "won't you tell me what is the matter?" + +Blanche said nothing; tears of pity suddenly choked her, and the +knowledge of the blow she was about to deal. Ishmael at last brought +himself to voice his dread. + +"You aren't disappointed in it all--or in me?" he asked in a low voice. +"You're not getting--bored, are you, Blanche? After all, the actress +sees the seamiest side of town; you won't mind leaving it? I know I'm +offering you a very different life from what you're used to, but"--with +a shade of the decisiveness that had always attracted her to him--"it +will be much better for you. No late hours, no more of the +sandwiches-at-odd-times game. We shall be very happy, just us two, even +if we don't know people. People!" he cried scornfully, a wave of passion +breaking over him as he caught her to him. "What do we want with other +people?" + +Pressing her almost roughly against him, he bent her head back into the +curve of his arm and kissed her fiercely. She lay passive, deliberately +taking all he gave and thrilling to it. Self-pity surged over her; she +had been so happy--not only happy, but so much better! It was very hard, +she felt, as she trembled with pleasure under his kisses. She shrank +from giving pain, but she shrank still more from lowering herself in his +eyes, and the situation needed all her skill. Disengaging herself from +his arms, she faced him with what she felt to be a brave little smile. + +"Ishmael! My poor boy; Ishmael!" she said. + +He was suddenly very grave, but waited silently. + +Still, he said nothing, and she took his hand in hers and spoke very +gently. + +"Ishmael, dear one! listen to me. You must see that it's impossible, +that it would never do." + +He did see it, her very certainty showed him plainly enough; but still +he fought against it, bringing forward every plea, and ending with what +was to him the great argument: "But if we love each other?" + +"Of course love is very important, Ishmael," said Blanche, choosing her +words carefully; "but don't you see how important other things are too? +It's the externals that matter most in this life, Ishmael; see how they +matter to you, who have worked so hard to alter them." + +"You can be clever about it," said Ishmael, a new look that was almost +suspicion glinting in his eyes; "I can't talk round a thing, but I know +things. I know I love you and would spend my life trying to make you +happy. You say you aren't happy in your own life." + +"But how could I be happy without my friends and my own kind of people, +Ishmael?" asked Blanche reproachfully. She did not add that, being +incapable of loyalty, she had no real friends, but suddenly she saw it +as true, and staggered under the flood of self-pity that followed. +Losing Ishmael, she was indeed bereft, not only of him, but of her new +self, and with the worst of all pangs--loneliness--striking through her, +she laid her arms against the hedge and, hiding her face, burst into a +storm of tears. Ishmael stood by her silently; like most men, he was +inarticulate at the great moments, and Blanche sobbed on. She who for so +many years had made herself believe what she wished, had gagged and +blindfolded her own soul till truth showed its face to her in vain, was +now stripped of all bandages and having facts passed relentlessly before +her. She had made Ishmael love her, as she had so many men, by seeming +something she was not; she had fallen in love with Ishmael herself, and +must keep up the pretence of being the woman he thought her, for for her +real self such a man as Ishmael could have no comprehension. She told +herself that if they could only have married she would in time have +grown to be the woman he thought her, and she railed bitterly at Fate. +For her there only remained the old path, and the knowledge filled her +with a leaden weariness. But for Ishmael--what remained for him? Never +again would he be able to delight in the world of hopes he had set up +with such care. What could she give him to help him face reality? The +plighted word, steadfastness, friendship, none of these gifts were +Blanche's to bestow, but she could at least send him away his own man +again--at the sacrifice of her vanity. A struggle shook her mind, all +the well-trained sophistries warring against a new clarity of vision. +There were two courses open to her--she might hoodwink Ishmael, bewilder +him with words, show herself as grieving, exquisite, far above him, yet +in spirit unchangeably his; or she might show him the truth, let him see +her as the world-ridden, egotistical creature of flimsy emotions and +tangible ambitions that she was. If she chose the first way, Ishmael +would have an unshattered ideal to take away and set up in his lonely +heart; but it placed forgetfulness out of the question for a man of his +temperament. If she decided on the second course, he would have a time +of bitter disillusionment, but could some day love again, perhaps all +the sooner for the shock; Blanche knew that nothing sends a man so +surely into a woman's arms as a rebuff from another woman. In her heart +she saw the finer course, yet the little voices clamoured, told her she +would be destroying the ideality of a delicate nature, spoiling +something that could never be the same again: on the one side whatever +there was of self-abnegation in her love, on the other the habit of a +lifetime. + +She raised her head, and her glance was arrested idly by a deserted +spider's web woven from branch to branch of the elder hedge and wavering +gently in the breeze. Some seed husks had been blown into the meshes and +clung there lightly, cream-hued against the pearly threads. Blanche +found herself picturing the disgust of the departed spider over this +innovation on flies. "It is like my life," she thought, "blown husks for +bread," and the tears welling in her eyes made the seeds seem to swell +and the web run together in a silvery blur. The moment of idle thought +had taken the keen edge from her ideas, and, like many another, she +tried to compromise. + +"I'm afraid you must reconstruct your ideas of me, Ishmael," she said, +with an air of candour that struck him as worthy of her even through his +pain. "You think of me as something ethereal and angelic, and I'm not. +I'm only a woman, Ishmael, and the little things of life--friendship, +beauty, one's own kin--mean so much to me." + +He had a confused idea she must mean the big things, but he waited +silently. + +"Ishmael!" she said desperately; "it's no good, I'm not the sort of +woman who can throw up the whole of life for one thing. You will think +me mercenary, worldly, but I'm not; the old ties are too strong for me, +and I can't break them. It's my heart that breaks.... Oh, Ishmael, +Ishmael, I loved you so!" + +Through all the inconsistencies of her words two salient facts stood out +to Ishmael--she was unhappy, and through him. His own pain lay numb, a +thing to be realised when he roamed the fields alone, and still more +intimately known when he had it for bed-and-hearth fellow in his dreary +house. Nature has provided that a great blow shall always stun for a +time; sensation stays quiescent as long as there still remains something +to be done; it is in the lonely hours after all action is over that pain +makes itself felt. Ishmael, if asked then, would have said his heart was +broken, but long afterwards he would see that no such merciful thing had +happened, and marvel how the cord of suffering can be strained to +breaking-point and kept taut, yet never snap. He was yet to learn that +no pain is unbearable, for the simple reason that it has to be borne. + +"There's nothing to blame yourself about," he said. "You've given me the +most beautiful things to remember, and it's not your fault you can't +give more. When I think of what you are and what I have to offer I feel +I couldn't let you give more even if you would...." Always unfluent of +speech, he stopped abruptly, while a wheel of thought whirred round so +swiftly in his brain that he only caught a blurred impression. Ishmael +had had, perforce, to live as far as his mental life went in a world of +books, and with a vague resentment he felt that books had not played him +fair. Surely he had read, many times, of women who had thought the world +well lost for love--the hackneyed expression came so readily to him. +"She cares for me," he thought, with an odd mingling of triumph and +pain, "only she doesn't care enough. It's a half-shade, and the books +don't prepare one for the half-shades. Nobody can love without a +flaw--we all fail each other somewhere; it's like no one being quite +good or quite bad: nothing is black or white, but just varying tones of +grey. They make life damned difficult, the half-shades!" + +Giving his shoulders a little shake, he turned to Blanche. "I must go," +he said gently. "Good-bye, Blanche!" + +She held out both her hands, and he took them in his, repeating, +"Good-bye, Blanche!" + +Then she made her only mistake; she swayed towards him, her face held up +to his in a last invitation. Roughly he put her hands away. + +"Not that, Blanche ... not that!" said a voice he hardly recognised as +his own, and, wheeling, he went heavily through the little dead gardens. +Blanche, sick with disappointment, noted dully that he never turned his +head as he passed out of the last. A sob rose to her throat, and as she +heard the choking sound she made, the swift thought came: "That sounded +real! I must be broken-hearted to sob like that...."; and she sobbed +again. Then a flash of self-revelation ran over her, and she stood +aghast. + +"Nothing is real about me, nothing!" she cried despairingly, "not even +my sorrow at being so unreal." Drying her eyes, she stared out at the +pale gleam of the Atlantic glinting through the elders and began to +think. She saw love, such love as she was capable of, had been ruled out +of life for her; it became all the more necessary that she should +capture other things that made life pleasant. If she let this new phase +of sincerity become a habit, she was lost indeed; better to slip into +the old self-deceiving Blanche once again. Deliberately she shut off +thoughts of Ishmael, and barred them out until such time as she could +think of him, without effort, from a point of view that in no way +lowered her self-esteem. She had been artificial in her strivings after +sincerity; now, for the last time, she was real in her acceptance of +unreality. Lightly dabbing her eyelids with a pocket powder-puff, she +went back to the cottage. + +There she read through the letter again, then consulted a time-table; +she could change at Exeter and catch a train that would enable her to +reach home that evening. She could make up a story to her stepmother to +account for her sudden appearance. Blanche began composing in her mind +what she would say to her. She would pretend not to have had the letter; +even her gentle, garrulous little stepmother's good opinion was dear to +her. She would seal it up again and forward it on herself; it would +reach her at home a day after her own arrival. Yes, thought Blanche, +everything would dovetail excellently. She went into the kitchen where +Mrs. Penticost was ironing and the pleasant smell of warm linen hung +upon the air. + +"I've decided I must go home, Mrs. Penticost," she said. "That letter +was to say my father is very ill, and I was only waiting till I'd seen +Mr. Ruan.... I've told him I must go to-morrow. I'm so sorry, but--" + +"Ah!" interrupted Mrs. Penticost; "'tes as well--'twould be dull for 'ee +alone wi'out Mr. Ruan able to come so much about the place, and I +wouldn' have had en here with Miss Judy gone and you alone. You was +rare taken up wi' he!" + +Blanche's vanity was too insatiable to spare Ishmael; she sighed +pathetically. + +"Oh, Mrs. Penticost! you make me feel horribly guilty, for I'm afraid +it's all over," she said with simple earnestness, "but I couldn't +prevent it; and poor Mr. Ruan--" + +"Don't 'ee go for to tell I about it!" broke in Mrs. Penticost; "'tes +downright ondecent in 'ee!" + +Blanche flushed. "Horrid, insufferable woman!" she thought angrily as +she went upstairs. "How thankful I shall be to see the last of her!" + +Opening her box, she began to throw her belongings in viciously. From +without came the crunch of Billy Penticost's boots as he crossed the +little yard and the clink of a pail set down; then the rhythmic sound of +pumping, so like the stertorous breathing of some vast creature, rose on +the morning air. A sudden loathing of country sights and sounds gripped +Blanche, and, tearing off her faded frock, she began to dress herself in +the one smart travelling gown she had brought with her. + +"I don't care what Mrs. Penticost thinks!" she told her reflection in +the blurred looking-glass as she pulled a gold-coloured ribbon round her +waist; "I don't care what any of them think--they're just country +bumpkins, with no ideas in their heads beyond crops and cows!" + +Without warning, a throb of memory assailed her: was it only a month ago +she had stood in this room in the moonlight, waiting to go and meet +Ishmael in the field? Her fingers shook a little as she took a few +blossoms of creamy-yellow toadflax he had picked for her out of their +vase and laid them tentatively against her gown. They harmonised to +perfection, but Blanche, after a moment's hesitation, flung them down. + +"I'll buy some roses in Exeter," she thought; "they'll look more +suitable than hedge-flowers." It was her definite rejection of the +country and all it stood for; but on a gust of sentiment she picked up +the toadflax blossoms and stuck them in water again--her last tribute to +the memory of Ishmael. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +THE GREY WORLD + + +During the next few months pain became a habit of mind with +Ishmael, a habit which was to grow into a blessing for him, preventing +him ever again feeling with such acuteness. From time to time he fell +into deadness of all sensation, when he hoped that the worst of his +suffering was over; but always it struggled up out of the numbness +again, as insistent as before. He fought his lassitude of spirit as +stubbornly as the periods of active pain, but both with the same result, +the opposition probably only making both last the longer. He would +doubtless have pulled through more quickly if he had gone away, joined +Killigrew in Paris, or gone on some tour with Boase. But partly from a +stubborn sense of not deserting his post, partly because things were not +doing well in the farming world just then, and partly because of the +true instinct of the lover which bids him stay where the feet of his +mistress have passed, though the suffering thereby be doubled, he stayed +on at Cloom. At Cloom--where there was no evading the thought of her +amid the memories, where every stile and field held some fragrance from +what he had thought her, where the very air that blew across his brow +seemed as though it blew from her. If he had left he would have had to +take with him the image of her as he now knew her; by staying he kept +the ghost of the Blanche he had imagined her to be when she was still +there. + +There was a long time when it suddenly seemed to him as though she must +repent, as though he could not be suffering so and she not share it, as +though any post might bring a letter and any moment show her figure +pausing at the gate. He learnt during that phase what poignancy is held +by the cry of the wisest of men--that "hope deferred maketh the heart +sick." During the weeks that he was thus obsessed there was not a click +of the latch but sent his heart racing, while at the same time he did +not dare look up because in his heart he knew it would not be she he +saw. He slept little during this period, and looked a good six or seven +years older than his real age. This was succeeded by one of the phases +of numbness when partly reaction, because the mind cannot keep stretched +too tautly, and partly sheer physical fatigue from the hard work he +drove himself to every day, made for a merciful slough of the spirit in +which it all the time deceitfully gathered itself together for the next +onslaught. + +That his instinct had always been to fight the intrusion of the +personal, that still it was so to the extent of a deadly clearness of +vision which prevented him thinking the affair of greater importance +than it was, did not prevent one shade of his pain; rather it was the +more acute for raging in spite of himself. He was powerless to do +anything but set his teeth and assure himself that it would eventually +pass. He looked at his suffering as a man may look at a broken leg: he +sees it stretched helpless before him; the pain from it ravages his +whole sense, but it is local, so that he can lay his hand upon it and +look from it to uninjured portions of his being which are yet +unconscious of immunity, so much is his whole sense occupied with the +one suffering portion. + +Meanwhile Ishmael set himself to believe, or rather to realise--for he +never lost his feeling for values sufficiently ever to believe +otherwise--that all this would one day fall from off him; he even +thought that then he would be as he had been before, not yet knowing +that pain never leaves a man as it found him--that freshness of emotion +lost in any direction, it can never be recaptured. Meanwhile, now and +again, for all his philosophy, he was occasionally guilty of adding to +the sum of his own pain by deliberately indulging in it. There were +evenings when he fell on weakness and allowed himself to go over the +fields at dark to Paradise, where he would stand at the point in the +hedge whence he had been wont to watch her light. One evening there was +a light in her window, and his heart had thudded in his chest so that he +could have heard it had he been occupied in anything but clutching the +hedge with both hands and staring, half-expecting a miracle to happen +and her form to be shadowed on the blind at any moment. Sometimes, too, +as he lay in his bed after a hard day's work and sleep would have come +to him had he let it, he would start imagining, as he had been wont to +do when a little boy. Only now it was not mere cloudy, impossible dreams +of renown, of rescuing the whole family from a burning house, that +filled his mind, but reconstructions of the time with Blanche.... If he +had said this or that, something different from what he had said; if +only, if only.... And if she were to come back, how he would forget all +he had said about it being impossible to go on as they were in +uncertainty--how willingly would he catch at any excuse for trying it +all over again. He would plan that too, till sometimes his vivid +imaginings would for a few moments almost deceive himself, and he would +realise, with a pang whose sharpness turned him sick and banished sleep, +that it was all only the pretence of a child. + +Nevertheless, he did not succumb to the temptation to write to her, +probably because in his inmost heart he knew too well that if she wanted +him she would write--on some other excuse. He had been in a curious way +clear-sighted about her from the first; he had always acknowledged that +strain of insincerity, but he had fallen into the error of believing +that underneath all those shifting sands there was at last bedrock and +that it was his hand which was to discover it. He now knew that it was +nothing but sands, and a quicksand at that, yet the knowledge made the +death of his love no easier. Love cannot be killed--it always dies a +natural death; and natural deaths are slow processes. Of all the things +Blanche had said to him one at least was very true, and that was on a +day when he had been telling her the many reasons why he loved her. Her +mouth, her eyes, her soul, her voice, it had been the usual lover's +medley. She had listened, and then perhaps, with the knowledge in her +heart that disillusionment was bound to be his, said: + +"There's only one safe reason for loving anyone, Ishmael, and that +is--'because I am I and you are you!'... Love a person for beauty or +brains or virtues, and they may all fail--there's only the one reason +that may be trusted not to change." And that was, of course, precisely +why he had loved her, and why the love died harder than the reasoned +loves of older years which respond to reasoning. + +Affairs at home were not likely to provide a pleasurable change for +Ishmael's thoughts. Vassie, it was true, meant more to him, as he to +her, than ever before. The pain that Vassie had suffered when Killigrew +had left after his first visit, though not comparable to Ishmael's, +being disappointment and hurt vanity, yet had dowered her with a degree +of comprehension she might otherwise have missed. She felt she loved +this young brother more dearly than she had ever thought to; something +of the maternal awoke in her; she helped him in many little ways he did +not notice, getting between him and their mother's tongue, exerting +herself to make the affairs within the house run more smoothly. She was +proud of her youngest brother, of his unlikeness to the rest, even of +the aloofness and fits of dreaming which she no more than the others +understood, but which she was sufficiently in advance of them to revere +instead of scorning. She was more like him than she knew, though in her +ambition had taken harder and more personal form. + +With the spring Annie became unbearable. Archelaus had suddenly gone off +again, after his fashion, this time to the goldfields of California, and +Annie, who felt his departure bitterly, chose to blame Ishmael for it. +Christmas had been for her the occasion to revive all her religious +frenzies, and the house rang with her cracked-voiced hymns till Ishmael +felt he could have smothered her with her own feather-bed. Her lust for +religion, however, was taking a new direction--it was towards the Parson +and his church instead of the conventicle of Mr. Tonkin. Quite what had +brought about this change was hard to say--probably chiefly the +infatuation of Tonkin for Vassie, a circumstance Annie took as an insult +to herself. + +"A man on in years like him, oldern' I be myself, and a minister before +the Lard, ought to have other things to think on than wantoning with his +thoughts after a maid young enough to be his daughter! Where's his +religion, I should like to knaw?" This was Annie's own explanation, and +even she realised that against Boase no charge of thinking about women +could be brought--that quality of priesthood even her ignorance +unconsciously admitted. She approached Boase on the subject of his creed +and met with scant encouragement, which made her the more earnest. If +the Parson had been anxious to receive her into the path he trod, she +would have lagged; as it was, his brusqueness awaked a sensation of +pleasure in her--there was no male to snub and bully her now that +Archelaus had gone away. She set up to herself the image of Boase that +some more educated women make of their doctor--a bully who had to be +placated, who would scold her if she transgressed his ideas. She took to +going to church every Sunday evening and sat in the Manor pew, every +jet bead trembling on her bonnet as she kept her mind strained to +attention--always a difficult task with her for any length of time. + +One wet afternoon Vassie found she was not in the house, though when she +had slipped out no one could say. Ishmael, alarmed--for nothing could +have been more unlike Annie's habits--was about to set out in search of +her, when the kitchen door was thrust open and slammed again and Annie +stood before them, soaking with wet, her arms clasping a bundle of +little books and a light of sly triumph in her eyes. Boase, shutting a +dripping umbrella, was behind her. She had been across to the Vicarage +in all the wet and cold to make the Parson talk to her about her soul, +and to get rid of her he had finally given her a host of little cheap +devotional books that had from time to time been sent to him from the +publishers, and which he himself, disliking most modern books of +devotion, had not troubled to read. He knew they were suited to the +mentality of the average child of ten, and that therefore Annie with an +effort might understand them and would certainly think them full of the +Spirit. + +He stood behind Annie, grave and quiet, signalling to Ishmael and Vassie +with his eyes. Vassie sprang forward. + +"Why, Mamma, you're soaked!" she cried. "Come! it's up to the bed you +must go at once, and I'll bring you a hot drink when you're undressed. +You can look at your books better in bed, you know." + +"That's a true word," said Annie; "so I can. I can have 'en all around +me on the bed, can't I, Vassie? I'll take en up, though; don't you touch +en, I fear you'm nought but an unconverted vessel, and I won't have 'ee +touchen my books." + +Assuring her she should have it all her own way, Vassie got her out of +the room and upstairs, while Katie heated water for a stone bottle to +be put at her feet. Ishmael and Boase went into the parlour and sat down +with grave faces. + +"I don't understand it at all, Padre," said Ishmael. "This isn't a bit +like her. Of course, she's always been funny, but she's never done a +thing like this." + +"It may be nothing but her annual attack of salvation," said the Parson +drily. "I shouldn't worry about it if I were you; only keep an eye on +her. She's not as young as she was, and it won't do her any good to be +running about getting wet through." + +"She'll never listen to anything I say." + +"Well, Vassie seems able to manage her all right. She's a most capable +girl, that!" + +"She is indeed," said Ishmael, pleased at praise of his sister, whom he +knew Boase as a rule was apt to criticise silently rather than admire. +"I don't think my life here would be possible without Vassie. There are +times when I feel I want to take mother's head and knock it against the +wall. It sounds awful, but it's true. I want to knock it and hear the +crunch it would make. There! But you can't think what it's like +sometimes. One's soul is thrown at one, so to speak, morning, noon, and +night. I don't believe it's a good thing, anyway, to be always taking +one's soul out to feel its pulse. Except that mother's uneducated and +ignorant about it, she reminds me very much of a woman at that vicarage +in Somerset I used to go to sometimes in the holidays. She was the aunt +of the family and was what she called a deaconess. It's a sort of half +and half thing, not like a Sister of Mercy exactly...." + +"A Cousin of Mercy, shall we say?" suggested the Parson. "I think I once +met the lady and I know what you mean. She had rows of little books, +hadn't she?" + +"Yes, and thought it was the sin against the Holy Ghost if she missed +saying what she called her Hours. I'm sorry to be profane, but she did +annoy me so though I was only a youngster. And now mother seems to be +getting very like it. I wouldn't mind a bit if it made her happy, but it +doesn't, not a bit of it." + +"Nothing would make your mother happy--she wouldn't think it right; but +she's only like a lot of women in that. The evils of Puritanism seem to +have taken a deeper root in women than in men, and in some it has kept +on cropping up generation after generation. Your mother is a born +Puritan, which is why I wish her to stay a Wesleyan. There is no more +arduous combination than the Puritan by instinct labouring under +acquired Catholicism. I am a bad missionary, I suppose, but I have seen +too much of these women." + +"Women make such a fuss about nothing!" complained Ishmael. + +"What has always seemed to me the mistake about the religious life as it +is lived to-day," said Boase, "is the overweening importance given to +trifles. The distortion of the sweeping-a-room-to-the-glory-of-God +theory. If the mind is properly attuned to the spiritual sphere temporal +things should lose significance, not gain them. I don't mean that we +must leave off seeing to them--that would result in our all lying down, +shutting our eyes, and starving ourselves gently into futurity. I mean +that we should do the things, and do them well; because they are of such +an insignificance they may just as well be done right as not. Get +yourself into the habit of washing dishes so well that instinctively you +are thorough over the job, and you won't have to think about it while +you do it. But the self-consciousness put into mundane affairs by the +average religious beats the worldly person hollow." + +"They dissipate their secret bread into crumbs, in fact," said Ishmael +with a laugh. + +The Parson nodded. "Exactly--and stale crumbs at that. I wonder--it's +easy to judge after all, and, as I once tried to tell you, it means +something different to every man. Tolerance--the deeper tolerance which +is charity ... if life doesn't teach one that, it's all been so much +waste. Who am I and who is anyone to despise the means by which another +man lives? Some of us find our relief in action, in the actual sweat of +our bodies; some find it in set hours and rows of little devotional +books--the technique of the thing, so to speak. And some of us find it +out of doors and some within narrow walls--some find it in goodness and +some only by sin and shame.... One shouldn't let other people's +salvation rub one up the wrong way." + +"It all goes to make the pattern, as Killigrew would say," suggested +Ishmael thoughtfully. + +"When I was very young," went on Ishmael after a pause, "I think I lived +by the Spirit--much more so than I can now, Da Boase. I seem to have +gone dead, somehow," Boase nodded, but said nothing. "And then it was +Cloom that meant life to me when I came back here and started in on it. +Then it was love!" + +He spoke the word baldly, looking away from the Parson. "Then it was +love!" he repeated; "and now it's just emptiness, a sort of going on +blindly from day to day. It's as though one were pressing through dark +water instead of air, and one could only struggle on and let it go over +one's head and hope that some time one will come out the other side." + +"Don't forget," said Boase gently, "that no one can see a pattern when +he is in the middle of it. It all seems confused and without scheme +while we are living in the midst of it; it's only on looking back that +we see it fall into shape." + +"And does it, always?" + +"I firmly believe so. It rests with us to make it as beautiful a pattern +as possible, but a pattern it is bound to make. And a terribly +inevitable one, each curve leading to the next, as though we were +spiders, spinning our web out of ourselves as we go...." + +"I suppose so," said Ishmael listlessly. Boase looked at him keenly. He +could hardly believe that Cloom meant nothing to Ishmael; he was certain +that there balm must eventually be found. He glanced out of the window, +and saw that the rain had left off and a still pallor held the air. + +"Come out for a turn with me," he suggested. "I haven't seen you go +beyond the fields for ages. Your mother'll be all right now." + +Ishmael hesitated, then picked up a stick, and went out with the Parson. +Boase had wondered much how deeply Ishmael had been hurt by the +defection of Blanche, and it had been difficult for him to ascertain, as +the young man's reserve was not of the quality which all the time +tacitly asks for questioning. On the surface he had shown no trace, +except by a sudden ageing that was probably temporary; there had been, +as far as Boase knew, no outbreaks of rage or pain. Now he began to +suspect that it was taking a worse way--an utter benumbing of the +faculty of enjoyment. Never since Ishmael's earliest boyhood had beauty +failed to rouse him to emotion, and the Parson wondered whether it could +fail now. At least it was worth trying, and it was not without guile +that he had proposed this walk; he knew of something he meant to spring +upon Ishmael as a test. He led, as though casually, to a wild gorge that +lay on the way to the Vicarage, but nearer the sea than the +commonly-used path, which here looped inland to avoid it. A stream, +half-hidden by heavy growths of bracken and hemlock and furze, raced +down this gorge to the pebbly beach, where it divided up into a dozen +tiny streams that bubbled and trickled to the sea's edge. All down the +gorge great hummocks of earth had been thrown up at some giant upheaval +of the land's making, and over their turfy, furze-ridden slopes granite +boulders were tumbled one against the other. In the treacherous fissures +between brambles and bracken had grown thickly; over everything else +except the bare rocks the furze had spread in a dense sea that followed +the curves of the slopes and stretched on up over each side of the +gorge. Everything was grey--pearly grey of the sky, grey-green of the +turf, brown-grey of last year's undergrowth, cold grey of the +boulders--everything except the gorse; and it was this that had caused +the Parson to catch his breath and stand amazed when first he came upon +it as at too much of beauty for eyes to believe--that caught at him +again now though he was expecting it. He and Ishmael rounded the end of +the valley, mounted a slope, and stood with all the length and sweep of +the gorge rolling around them. + +By some freak of soil or aspect every tuft of the low-lying cushion +gorse that covered the slopes and hummocks as far as the eye could see +was in full bloom, not a dry bush to be seen--bloom so thickly set that +hardly a green prickle was visible; bloom of one pure vivid yellow, +undimmed in the distance, unmarked to closest view, a yellow that was +pure essence of that colour untinged by any breath of aught else. The +air reeked with the rich scent; the greyness of sky and land became one +neutral tone for the onslaught of those pools of flaring molten gold +that burnt to heaven with their undestructive flame. And every ardent +sheet of it had a grape-like bloom, made by the velvety quality of the +thousands of close-set petals; they gave the sensation of exquisite +touch merely by looking at them, while their passionate colour and scent +made the senses drunken on pure loveliness. + +That was how it had taken Boase--how in normal days it would have taken +Ishmael, even more keenly. Now he stood staring at it, hardly seeing, +untouched to anything but a bleak knowledge that it was beautiful. Not +a breath of ecstasy went through him; for him it was nothing, and he +never even noticed that Boase was watching him. He moved forward as +though to continue the walk, and the Parson fell into stride beside him. +Something in Ishmael was dead, and in dying it had for the time being +stunned what Boase could only hope was a more vital and permanent part. + +Ishmael said good-bye at the Vicarage and went home again, his mind +floating through greyness even as his body was passing through the grey +of the weather and surroundings. At home he found John-James waiting to +consult him about the breaking up of a grass-field, and harnessing the +horse to the iron-toothed tormentor, he took it out himself and spent +the rest of the day driving it over the tumbling clods. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +THE CLIFF AND THE VALLEY + + +A month later Annie's religiosity, which had been increasing in +violence, unmistakably took the form of mania. She became very violent, +and for her own sake as much as for her family's she was removed to a +doctor's establishment for such cases in Devonshire. The whole affair +left the three at home very untouched--John-James because he was of a +stolid habit, Vassie because she was never in sympathy with her mother +and had borne much from her of late, and Ishmael because it seemed to +him to have really no more to do with him intimately than if she had +been a stranger woman living in his house. Both he and Vassie felt +guiltily on the subject, not realising that reaction from strain was at +the bottom of their seeming impassivity. To be able to take definite +action instead of having merely to put up with the thing day by day was, +when it came, a blessing to both of them, although it took what might +conventionally have been assumed to be such a terrible shape. They were +both very honest people, their strongest quality in common, and kept up +no pretence even in outward appearance, unlike most people who keep it +up even to themselves. They hardly spoke of the matter beyond making the +necessary arrangements, and when Vassie had a fit of weeping in her room +it was for the mother she remembered from her childhood, the mother of +stormy tendernesses that nevertheless were sweet to her at the time, and +whom she thought of now instead of letting her mind dwell on the woman +who had been growing more and more distorted these last few years. + +Nevertheless the fabric of their daily lives was torn up, and Ishmael +began to see that things could not go on as they were. Vassie badly +needed not only a rest, but a complete change and new interests; she had +been living a life of strain lately, and her vigorous personality, +unaccustomed to being swamped in that of others and only forced to it by +her strong will, began to assert its needs. For the first time her bloom +showed as impaired--something of her radiance had fled. Ishmael saw it, +and knew that her affection for him would prevent her telling him as +long as flesh could bear it. A Vassie grown fretful was the last thing +he wanted, and her marred bloom hurt him; he always, in some odd way, +looked on Vassie as a superior being even when he saw her little faults +in style--so much more devastating than faults of character--most +clearly. It somehow got itself settled that Vassie was to take a +charming though impoverished maiden lady, whom the Parson had known for +years in Penzance, as chaperon, and was to go and spend the summer at +some big seaside place such as she delighted in. Vassie seemed to glow +afresh at the mere notion, at the feel of the crisp bank notes which +Ishmael gave her, and which represented all the old ambitions that +swelled before her once more like bubbles blown by some magic pipe. She +departed in a whirl of new frocks and sweeping mantles and feathery +hats, and a quietness it had never known settled upon Cloom. + +For the first few days, even a week or so, Ishmael enjoyed it. The +scenes with Annie had been violent enough to fray the nerves more than +he knew, but they had done him the service of putting other thoughts out +of his head for the time being. Now these thoughts came back, but, as +the days wore on, with a difference. + +In his relations with Blanche the physical side had been hardly counted +by him; he had felt passion for the first time, but so refined by his +boy's devotion that he had not given it place. He had been so aware of +what she must have had to confront from other men, and had besides +thought her so much younger than she was, that the idea of desire in +connection with her, though in the nature of things not entirely +eliminated, had yet been kept by him in the background even to himself. +He had loved Blanche as unselfishly as only a woman or a boy can love, +and now he began to suffer from it in a manner he had not at the time. + +In London he had never felt any temptation to go with Killigrew when +that young man frankly announced his intention of making a night of it +with some girl he had picked up at the Cafe Riche or Cremorne; distaste +had been his dominant instinct, yet many of the suggestive things he had +apparently passed through unscathed came crowding back on him now. When +he was not actually driving himself to physical labour his mind would +fill with pictures that he was able to conjure up without knowing how; +sometimes Blanche would partner him in those imaginings, sometimes some +stranger woman of his invention. He felt ashamed of these ideas, but +that did not prevent them coming, and sometimes he would deliberately +give way and allow himself hours to elaborate them, from which he would +rouse himself worn out and fevered. From these mental orgies he would +feel so intense a reaction of disgust that he knew how keenly he would +feel the same if he gave way actually, in some hidden house by Penzance +harbour, where men that he knew sometimes went. Physical satisfaction +and the fact that Nature had been allowed her way would not have saved +him from the aftermath, and he did not delude himself that it would. He +looked sometimes at John-James, sitting so placidly opposite him at +meals, and wondered about him, whether his physical nature did not +perhaps follow his mental and remain untroubled. Yet this thing seemed +in every man.... He wondered, but never asked, and, by dint of hard +work and a resolute cleansing of his mind, kept the thing at bay. + +The summer was a singularly perfect one, and the contrast between its +emptiness and that time only a year ago when he came down from London +and was expecting Blanche to follow, pricked him at every turn. He felt +convinced he no longer cared for Blanche; he was regaining interest in +the world without, but she had left this legacy of reaction behind her. +He told himself that this too must be borne with, but all the time his +youth and natural disposition to get all that was possible out of life +were preparing him for fresh enterprise. He could no longer be happy +over nothing but the sheer joy of life, yet simple pleasures began to +appeal to him once more, as Boase noted thankfully. The daily +expectation, that absurd delicious hope, that "something" would happen, +had not yet deserted him, and once again he began to live on it. + +One day there arrived a letter from Vassie--a letter written in +superlatives, a letter that made Ishmael and John-James both feel relief +in their different ways and that made the Parson very glad. Vassie had +achieved her end, the great end of mid-Victorian womanhood, and more +vital to her even than most--she was engaged to be married, and to a man +whose social position seemed, as far as her judgment could be trusted, +satisfactory. Mr. Daniel O'Connell Flynn was, according to Vassie, more +than she could have dared hope for, and if she said little as to any +personal feelings for him, Ishmael knew how unimportant that would be to +her compared with the satisfaction of her ambitions. For, as his name +denoted, he was engaged in politics--an Irish-Canadian, a Free Trader, a +Home Ruler, perhaps even a Chartist, for all Vassie said to the +contrary. The third Derby Ministry was in power, and Mr. Flynn was for +the time agitating in the Opposition; but at least he was a member of +Parliament, and what glory that was to Vassie. + +Poor Vassie! What, after all, was her ambition but to attain what should +have come to her by right as daughter of the Squire of Cloom? She had +had to make it the end of her desires, for it she had had to appear what +she was not--what she ought to have been without any striving. If Mr. +Flynn were a man to whom Vassie's beauty outweighed her defects, and if +it were nothing but that with him, then was the outlook for her ultimate +happiness poor; but she was her own mistress and had to be judge of +that. At least she had not deceived him, for there came a postscript to +the rather worldly raptures. "P.S.--He knows about it all, and says it +does not matter; what he wants is me." + +After Ishmael, the person most affected by the news, both in herself and +her prospects, would be Phoebe. Ishmael put the letter in his pocket, +though he guessed she too would have had one, and went over to +Vellan-Clowse, Wanda at his heels. + +As he went the realisation of how this would affect him grew upon him; +losing Vassie, his life at Cloom would not only be lonely, but, without +her resolute insistence on the niceties, might all too easily slip into +some such slough of boorishness as had overtaken it in his father's day. +If Blanche had only been different, if she had been the Blanche he once +thought her, how sweetly would the whole problem--of loneliness and a +standard of decency and of this tormenting thing that pricked at +him--have been solved. Even the removal of his mother, though a relief, +added to the sense of total disruption which weighed on him. Cloom, the +old Cloom that had been so jolly in spite of everything, the Cloom of +the first three contested, arduous years, then the delightful Cloom +glorified by that summer of Blanche and Killigrew and Vassie and little +Judith, was dead, and everyone else had flown to other fields while he +alone was left among the ruins. Of all the old atmosphere Phoebe was +the only one remaining--little, soft, admiring Phoebe, whom he had +hardly noticed all this past winter. + +Ishmael was one of those to whom the ending even of a not altogether +congenial atmosphere was fraught with sadness; had he been left to +himself he would probably never have moved far out of an accustomed +circle, thus much of the peasant was potent in his blood. Now he felt, +with the finality of youth, that everything had been stripped from +around him, and that no new scheme of life formed itself before his +eyes. + +When he came to the top of the cliff above his plateau he turned off +down the narrow goat-track that led to it, and when there flung himself +on his face upon the turf, chin on hands, and brooded. His thoughts took +no definite shape; rather were they the vague unsettled desires for he +knew not what. Just that "something," anything, would happen. + +He lay staring at the grass, covered with tiny blossoms of self-heal and +rest-harrow: behind and a hundred feet below him the sea swirled, its +deep peacock hue patterned with milky wreaths of foam; half around him +reared a semi-circle of pale cliff. He stared at the miniature forest of +blade and leaf beneath his eyes, and could hear faint rustlings as tiny +insects thrust their way through it or climbed aimlessly up stalks that +only led them into air. On the fragile curve of a feathery bent a pair +of Spotted Burnet moths were at their mating--lovely creatures of the +iridescent green of lapis-lazuli, their folded wings of greyer green +decorated with splashes of purest crimson, their long glossy antennae +shining in the sunlight. Immobile they clung together for what must have +been, in their measuring of time, hours of love. Beyond them, on other +grass-stems, orange-hued flies took their pleasure, and the whole air +was quick with the wings of butterflies and moths. The quiet little +circle of turf was athrill with life; the air, the warm soil, the clumps +of bracken whence the hidden crickets shrilled, the pinkish grasses +which bore the tiny interlocked bodies of the mating flies--everything +told of life, life, life. This place seemed an amphitheatre for the +display of the secret of Nature--life, and yet more life, in splendid +prodigality. Ishmael watched and wondered. Was this, then, the blind end +of creation--to create again? If life were only valuable for the +production of more, then what it created was not valuable either, and +the whole thing became an illogical absurdity. There must be some +definite value in each life apart from its reproductive powers, or the +reproductions were better left in the void. Blind pleasure, like blind +working, was not a possible solution to one of his blood and habit of +mind. + +Yet he knew as he lay there that not for ever would he be able to go on +as so far he had. He told himself that if it were possible to stamp on +desire now it would continue to be possible; that if one were not put +into the world to get what one wanted at least it should be possible to +grit the teeth on the fact. It was childish enough to cry for the +moon--it was pitiable to hanker after its reflection in a cesspool. +Chastity to Ishmael, by the nature of his training and his +circumstances, was a vital thing; the ever-present miseries of home +resulting from his father's offence, the determination to keep clean +himself and bring clean children to the inheritance, had grown with him. +If he lost it he lost far more than most men, because to him it had been +more. + +Not for the first time some words of the Parson's came back to him: +"Casual encounters where no such question arises ..." That seemed to him +more horrible, more unsound, now, as he lay looking at the inevitable +matings of the winged creatures, than ever before; something ages old +in him revolted at the fruitless squandering. + +The fact remained that there was no one he wanted to marry, that he no +longer wanted to marry at all; his wish to marry Blanche had been an +exigency of the situation; in himself his instinct against inroads on +privacy would never have inclined him towards it. Also there was no one +girl he wanted, and he told himself there never would be again; all +personal emotion was drained away from him. The only girl he even knew +at all was Phoebe, and at the idea of her in connection with himself +he smiled. That would indeed be giving the lie to all he had struggled +after--to the vision of the Cloom to be that he had built up with much +work and many dreams. + +Suddenly as he lay on the grass he felt tired, so tired that it seemed +to him he did not so very much want anything after all, and that a +leaden weariness was the worst thing he would have to fight against. He +laid his face in the warm fragrant grass and let his hands lie out on +either side of him, then stretched to the extent of his limbs, and +rolled on his back. Wanda, eager to be bounding on once more, licked his +cheek with her warm, quick-moving tongue, and he rubbed her head against +him and told her she was becoming a fussy old lady. Still, it was time +he went on to Vellan-Clowse; the sun was near the rim of the burning +sea, and far below the foam was tinged with fire. He scrambled to his +feet and went on. + +At the mill he found he had been wrong in his conjecture and Phoebe +had not yet heard from Vassie. She was looking pale and thin; there were +shadows under her soft eyes, and her mouth drooped at the corners. +Ishmael's news stung her to interest and to enthusiasm for Vassie, but +seemed, when she had cooled down, only to make her melancholy deeper. At +supper--to which Ishmael needed little pressing to stay, for in talk and +companionship he forgot his vacant house--she was obviously trying to +make herself pleasant and bright; she would not have been Phoebe if +she had allowed her own comfort to come before that of others. + +Phoebe was changed in this past year; she was no longer so sprightly +in her little flirtations, her tongue had lost its rustic readiness, her +eyes held a furtive something, as though she were always watching some +memory. Her prettiness had gained in quality however, and her charm, +though more conscious, was more certain. Curiously enough, the charm +struck Ishmael for the first time now that he saw her subdued, not +troubling to exert it save mechanically. He was sorry for that lassitude +of hers, and after supper, walking under the elms down the lush valley, +he tried to fathom it. + +"It's nothing," said Phoebe. "I'm lonely, I suppose. You know, there's +no one I'm really friends with, only Vassie and you, and I shan't see +her any more now. And you never come near me...." + +Ishmael felt a guilty pang as he realised this was true; he cast about +to lead the talk elsewhere. + +"You were great friends with Archelaus while he was at Botallack last +autumn, I've heard," he said teasingly. "Indeed, I did think that even +when I lost Vassie I might have another sister...." + +"Him ...!" cried Phoebe; "never, never! You're being cruel to me, +Ishmael, so you are! If you've only come to tease me you can go home to +your old manor-house again!" + +"Why--Phoebe! What's the matter; what have I said to hurt you?" asked +Ishmael. "Why, I wouldn't do that for the world! Phoebe, dear, tell me +what it is that's the matter. Surely you can trust me! Is it because +Archelaus has gone?" + +Phoebe burst into tears. Ishmael was alarmed, embarrassed, even +irritated, yet somehow she was nestling against him and his arms were +holding her while he consoled her. She sobbed on, her warm little body +pressed convulsively against him; his words "surely you can trust me ..." +had caught at her heart. After months of furtive meetings with +Archelaus, after being drawn into a whirlpool of passion which she could +not resist and yet always resented, hating something in Archelaus even +when his ardour pursued her most, hating the thought of him at every +moment before and after, when his lips were not actually upon +hers--after all this she felt she wanted nothing but to fling herself on +this quieter, kinder, younger man, on whom she still felt the freshness +she had lost. It was only fair, she told herself; if Ishmael had cared +for her a year ago she would have been armed against Archelaus and her +own nature. Slowly her sobs grew less frequent--they became the faint +sniffs of a tired child; but she still lay in his arms, snuggling +closer, one hand, very small and smooth, creeping up to lie against his +neck. Ishmael looked down, and through the dusk he could see how wet +were the lashes on her pale cheek; the curve of her throat and bosom was +still troubled by sobbing breaths. He drew her closer; then his clasp of +her began to change, grow fiercer; she felt it and thrilled to it, +lifted her mouth that looked so childish, and which he told himself +through the clamour of his pulses there would be no harm in kissing, as +though she were the child she looked. But it was not a child's kiss he +gave her; nor, as he could but feel, was it a child's return she +tendered. + +"Phoebe ...!" he began; "Phoebe ...!" He never knew himself what he +was trying to say, whether it were protest or excuse or a mere stammer +of passion. She interrupted him with a low cry. + +"Oh, Ishmael! it was always you--really, always you ... I didn't know. +It'll be always you...!" + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +THE IMMORTAL MOMENT + + +That which Lenine had hoped for some twelve years, which the Parson and +Vassie had first feared and then laughed at, which Ishmael himself had +hardly thought of, and then merely to dismiss with a smile, had come to +pass--so simply, with such a logical though quiet following of effect on +various causes, that it was no wonder Ishmael felt enmeshed in the web +of something it was not worth fighting to cut away. At first, on the +heels of the miller's rejoicing and Phoebe's clinging content, he had +been overwhelmed by a dense cloud of depression--a sense as of being +caught in something soft and too sweet that would not let him go and +into which he sunk the more deeply for his instinctive protest. Also the +sheer impossibility of the thing affected him with a dream-like belief +that it could not really have happened, or that at least something must +occur to dissolve it. Yet nothing did, not even the Parson's +frankly-expressed dismay. + +Ishmael was very young, and in no sense a man of the world, and when he +thought of what lay behind that kiss he had given Phoebe he felt her +innocence had a right to demand of him that at least he should not +retract what she had built upon it. Also, Penwith being a very narrow +and intimate track of land, the scandal for her if he had withdrawn and +let the miller blaze his version abroad would have never been lived +down. A country which is a blind-alley has the advantage of immunity +from tramps, but it has the disadvantages also of a place which cannot +be a highway to other places. Talk, interest, all the thoughts and +emotions of life, of necessity beat back on themselves instead of +passing on and dying, or being swamped in the affairs of the great +world. Phoebe, as the miller knew, was already the subject of censure +among the stiffer matrons, whose sons were wont to hang round the mill +like bees, and in his expressions of approval to Ishmael was mingled a +subtle strain of warning, almost of menace. And to himself as the days +went by and Phoebe was always there for him to see and caress when he +felt inclined, her yielding sweetness ever ready for him to draw on, her +gentle stupidity hidden under her adoration, he admitted that he did not +altogether want to withdraw. After all, what did it matter? Phoebe had +many refinements of heart and temper which surely could be held to +outweigh her little ignorances, and now that, with the removal of +Blanche, the outer world was, he told himself, cut off from him, he +refused to see that to ally himself with the Lenines of the mill +mattered as much as the Parson, in his old-fashioned Toryism, seemed to +think. A woman takes her husband's position; and as to that, what, he +asked bitterly, was his position that any woman should want to share it? +Phoebe did want to; she had shown all her heart so plainly in that +cry--genuine in that she believed it herself; and Phoebe was kind and +perilously sweet.... The days went on, and Vassie's letter of argument +and protest was less determined than it would have been if she herself +had not been engrossed in her own affairs. And stronger even that the +dread of hurting Phoebe, of the terrible scenes that would of +necessity occur, than his own loneliness, was the enemy within himself +that every time he caressed Phoebe mounted to his brain and told him +it was, after all, well worth while. + +It fell to the Parson's bitter lot to marry them in the early autumn of +that year. Archelaus had now been away a year, and he had neither come +back nor written, and not till several months later did he suddenly +reappear, after the habit of the born rover. + +They were months of mingled wonder and dismay for Ishmael. He had +married a girl who had only one talent, but that was the oldest in the +world--she was a born lover. She, who in many ways was so startlingly +lacking in refinement, had a genius for the little lures, the ways with +hand and eye, of voice and gesture, that make of love an art. In the +ordinary intimacies of marriage, the blunting intimacies of daily life, +she had no discrimination; Ishmael, had he been inclined to idealise +her, would not have been spared the realisation that even as the grosser +male she looked unbeautiful at times, needed to send clothes to the +wash, and was warned every few weeks, by an unbecoming limpness in her +hair, that it was time for soap and water to combat natural greasiness. +She made no attempt to keep up the illusion which, even while it is +admitted to be such, yet achieves its object. She would have thought it +silly. But when it came to the rites of love she was inspired and could +not make a false move. A thousand little ways of her own, cat-like rubs +of her sleek head, turns of her limbs, inspirations of withheld kisses +and in the same breath approaches that held an eternally child-like +quality in their submission--there was no faint tone of the age-old +gamut to which she did not give its keenest value. + +The month spent at the genteel resort of Torquay was to Ishmael a +fevered medley. His days were full of distaste--at her predilections for +the young clerks who eyed her on the sea-front, for cheap jewellery and +casual friends picked up at the hotel, at the bland superficiality of +her mind; and now and again this distaste was shot through with moments +of acute fears when he realised, startled to it by some blunt display of +the ugly things of life, that to this he must accustom himself for the +rest of his days; and that he would grow only too deadly accustomed, to +the stifling of other ideals, he foresaw. These were his days, yet he +felt remorseful at his own spirit of criticism, because she thought him +so god-like, and in many little womanly ways showed an unselfish +consideration that humbled him in his own eyes and exalted her. Of the +nights, even when there was no passion between them, she made such a +delight with her childish clinging, her soft nestling against him, that +he would hold his breath to listen to her quiet breathing and move a +little away as though in sleep, so as to feel her kitten-like, +half-unconscious wriggle into the curve of his arm again. It was sweet +at such times to feel such utter dependence upon him as the protective +male, and the best in him was stirred to response. The next morning she +might jar again from the hour of getting up in their ugly hotel room, +through the expedition with which they would try and beguile the day, to +the dinner, at which her conversation was always most noticeably +trifling; but he always, to her surprise, let her go to bed alone, and +came up much later to find the old magic upon her once more like dew. + +It was late autumn when they went back to Cloom, and under John-James' +watchful care the harvest was all in; he awaited them at the station in +the smart new trap that had been a present from the miller, and Katie +Jacka, with a tight-lipped smile upon her face and a heart full of +contempt for a mistress whom privately she considered no better than +herself, was hovering between kitchen and passage when they drove up, +with a large bouquet of bought flowers swaddled in a stiff paper frill +ready as an offering. Boase came over after supper, and when Phoebe, +piqued by a conversation which she could not share and--what she +resented still more--by the efforts of the two men to include her in it, +had gone upstairs, then Ishmael and the Parson sat and smoked and +chatted, and for the first time all the past month lifted its +deadweight and life seemed more as it had been in the old days. + +It was in the winter that Archelaus reappeared, and the first that Cloom +heard of it was a casual word dropped by Katie as she waited at table. +"So Cap'n Arch'las is back among us," she remarked cheerfully, after the +manner of Cornish servants, who see no harm in imparting items of gossip +as they hand a dish; "they do say he'm rare and changed, though 'zackly +how I don't knaw. Simme 'tes enough to make a man come home a nigger, +going so much to the lands where the folk are all black." + +Ishmael was startled by the news, but, to hide the fact, began to joke +Katie on her ideas of the population of the American continent, when a +little sound from Phoebe caught his attention. She had gone very +white, and she tried to push her chair away from the table, making a +gesture as though she wanted to be free of its confining edge; but her +hands seemed too weak to accomplish the act, and she let them fall into +her lap. Ishmael sprang up and went round to her, sharply bidding the +staring Katie to bring cold water; in a moment or two Phoebe had +conquered her faintness and was smiling timidly at him. When he was +alone and out of doors he thought over the incident, but without +exaggerating it to himself. He had always guessed that Archelaus had at +one time been attracted by Phoebe; he supposed that her refusal of him +was at the back of the former's departure. Now that Archelaus had +returned it was not unnatural, considering her marriage and the bad blood +between himself and his brother, that she should feel nervous. He was +sorry for her, and wondered, not for the first time, whether it would not +be possible, now he himself was less green and prickly, and had settled +into a scheme of life that need not, ill-feeling apart, exclude +Archelaus, to become better friends or at least more tolerant of each +other. He suggested his idea to Phoebe, though characteristically he did +not refer to her attack of faintness. She looked at him in a scared way +and then murmured something about thinking it was best to wait till +Archelaus made the first advance, and to this Ishmael rather reluctantly +agreed. + +They had not long to wait; the next evening saw Archelaus at Cloom. An +oddly-altered Archelaus, so much was soon plain. Even in appearance he +seemed changed; something of his golden beauty had tarnished at last, +and a faint grizzle showed here and there in his curly hair, while the +ruddy face had become weather-beaten. He talked a good deal--about his +adventures in California, his bad luck with the gold, and the beauty of +the Californian women, especially those with a Spanish strain. Of these +last he spoke so freely, notably of some camp-followers, that Ishmael +reminded him sharply of Phoebe's presence. Archelaus glanced from one +to the other, from Ishmael's irritated eyes to Phoebe's averted cheek, +with a slight smile, before answering. + +"Ah! I forgot that Phoebe's not like that kind o' women a man gets +used to out there," he said slowly. "Besides, of course, she'm a lady +now...." + +The apology was worse than the offence; but Ishmael swallowed his anger +for Phoebe's sake, though he was vexed with her too for staying there +to hang upon Archelaus's doubtful talk. Soon after, when Phoebe had +brewed hot milk-punch and it had been drunk by the two men, Archelaus +rose to go. He went out to see if his trap were ready, and Ishmael went +also. The boy had gone home for the night, and Ishmael lit a lantern and +went into the stable to fetch the horse. He supposed Archelaus was with +him, but found he had not followed so far; neither was he by the cart. +Ishmael put the horse in and brought it through into the courtyard, and +the same moment saw Archelaus appearing from the kitchen door. + +"Just haven a bit of chat wi' Katie," said Archelaus. "She'm a rare one +for gossip, she is." Then, as he pretended to busy himself with +something at the horse's head, he spoke again. + +"Ishmael," he began, "I knaw how it is wi' you. You think on when my +fancy was took by your lil' missus, and you don't knaw how I'm thinken +about things. Well, I'm a rough chap, but I'm honest, b'lieve, and I can +tell 'ee there's no wound in my heart, and the soreness there was +against 'ee has gone in the sun out in those lands.... Will 'ee shake +hands and let I be a friend to you and your missus as a brother should?" +He held out his hand as he spoke, and Ishmael found himself staring at +it in the uncertain light of the lamps. The next moment a flood of +self-reproach at his own hesitation swept over him; he put out his hand +and took his brother's. Archelaus gave such a vigorous wringing that +Ishmael could not keep back a little exclamation, and his fingers were +numb when they were released. + +"Bit too strong, am I?" asked Archelaus with a friendly laugh. "My +muscles have got so tough I don't rightly knaw how hard I grip." He +swung himself up into the cart, and from that elevation looked down at +Ishmael with a nod of farewell. + +Ishmael went into the house, where he found Phoebe still sitting in +the parlour, her hands folded on her lap, staring in front of her. She +gave a start when he spoke to her, and when he told her of his pact with +Archelaus chilled him by her scant enthusiasm. They went to bed, and as +they lay side by side in the darkness there was a constraint between +them there had not been even when they had quarrelled or his occasional +fits of irritation had made her rail at him. + +As the weeks wore on they both seemed to become used to the occasional +but unwonted presence of Archelaus about the place, though Phoebe +always resented it oddly. Yet it was a friendly presence; he was ready +to help on the farm with advice and even with his strong muscles if need +be, and the world at large was much edified by the reconciliation. + +"A gentle little wife like that is such a softening influence" was the +general verdict ... and Ishmael, irked by the strain between them to a +sudden passion of distaste for what he felt had been his weakness, had +instituted what was for those days a startling innovation--that of a +separate bedroom for himself. He guessed that Phoebe almost hated him +for it, yet he had come suddenly to that point when he sickened at +over-intimacy, when he realised that the passion in him had betrayed +him, so that he felt the only salvation for his mind lay in crushing it. +He had sold himself, but at least he could refrain from taking his +price. So he told himself and so he meant, yet when, as on a night when +Phoebe, shedding resentment for a wistful tenderness, had won him to a +triumph of passion once again, there was mingled with his sense of +having failed himself a certain relief in the acknowledgment that this +thing still held sweets for him.... + +With the spring the affairs on the farm took up Ishmael's interest more +and more, and he was able to find solace for the deadening knowledge of +his mistaken marriage in the things that lay so near his heart. He told +himself that it was here, in the soil, and the warm, gentle cattle and +the growing things, that his keenest as well as his truest joys were to +be found, not knowing that even while he thought it Phoebe held that +which was to thrill him as never yet anything in life had had power to +do. + +She told him of it one night when he went up to bed late, thinking and +hoping she would be asleep. But she called out to him as he passed her +door. He went in and found her sitting up, looking like a child among +the big white pillows, her brown hair about her wide eyes. He was +struck by it and spoke to her gently, telling her to lie down and go to +sleep. Instead of obeying she held out her hands and drew him down +towards her. + +"I want to whisper, Ishmael," she said, as she had been wont to say when +a little girl and she had had something of tremendous interest to +impart. He humoured her, and, putting his arm round her, gathered her +against him and said that he was listening. She kept a shy silence for a +second after that and then whispered. Ishmael caught the few words, and +at first they seemed to him to convey something incredible, though he +had often thought about this very thing, wondered if and when he should +hear of it. He was very gentle with her, but said little, only he stayed +by her till she had fallen asleep, and then he disengaged himself and, +going quietly out of the room, opened the front door and went out into +the garden. + +It was the darkest hour of the night, only the stars shone brightly, and +not till he was upon the pale clouds of the drifted narcissi could he +tell they were there, not till their scent came up at him. The night was +very still as well as dark, but Ishmael noted neither circumstance. His +own soul held all of sound and colour and light for him, and he recked +of nothing external. This news, the simplest, oldest thing in the way of +news that there is, seemed to him never to have been told to anyone +before--never, at least, to have been so wonderful. All the beauties of +Cloom, of life, all the trouble his own short span had felt, all the +future held, seemed to fall into place and be made worth while. This was +what he had lived for without knowing it--not to make Cloom finer for +himself, not to save his own soul or carve out a life for himself, but +this--to make of himself this mysterious immortality. Always he had +waited for "something" to happen, always at moments of keenest pleasure +he had been conscious there was more he did not feel: depths unplumbed, +heights unscaled, some master-rapture that would explain all the others +and that he never came upon. Even beauty had had this sting for him; he +had always felt that, however lovely a thing were, there was something +more beautiful just round the corner, for ever slipping ahead, like a +star reflected in a rain-filled rut. Now for the first time he was aware +of a dizzying sensation as though for one moment the gleam had stayed +still, as if Beauty for a flash were not withdrawing herself, as though +time for one moment stood, and that moment was self-sufficient, free of +the perpetual something that was always just ahead--more, actually +capturing that something. The moment had the quality of immortality, +although it reeled and was caught up again in the inexorable march, but, +drunken with it, he stayed tingling in the cold dawn. + +And if, mixed with that draught, there were this much of venom--that he +rejoiced at having at last so ousted Archelaus, in the fact that indeed +flesh of his flesh should inherit after him and Archelaus be outcast for +ever, at least in that first rapture he was unaware of it. + + + + +BOOK III + +RIPENING + + + + +CHAPTER I + +UNDER-CURRENTS + + +Spring waxed full, buds burst into flower, then petals dropped and the +hard green fruit began to swell, and the blades of the corn showed +perceptibly higher every week. Summer, warm and lazy, big with all her +ripening store, brooded upon the land, and Phoebe Ruan, guarding the +growing life she held, seemed, with all the care taken of her, to lose +vigour and gaiety. She seemed to wish to withdraw from everyone, from +Ishmael most of all, as though she only wished to sit and commune with +the secret soul of the child beneath her heart. She was almost beautiful +these days, touched by a gravity new to her, and with an added poise. +For the first time it was as though she found sufficient support in her +own company and did not need to be for ever following and leaning upon +other people. To look at, sitting so withdrawn, her eyes watching +something unseen of human gaze, she was perfect; even in intercourse she +would have been more nearly so than ever before had it not been for the +fits of irritability gave unwonted bitterness to her tongue. There were +days when nothing would please her, when she showed all her common +strain in the taunts she found to fling at Ishmael and the rest of her +little world. Only Archelaus was immune, and in his presence she +maintained a sullen silence, so marked that a third person with them +could, if he were sensitive, feel her ever-deepening resentment +emanating from her. + +Archelaus himself was as though unaware of it, for he came to the house +with increasing frequency. About this time he began to walk out with a +Botallack girl, the daughter of a mine captain, and indeed asked +Ishmael's congratulations on the match. But, in his brotherly fashion, +he was always eager to do anything to help Phoebe, whether it were to +ride into Penzance and buy her anything she wished for, or to wait on +her at home, adjusting a hammock at exactly the right height and +carrying out cushions. Only Phoebe knew the taunt that underlay every +word, the subtle scheme for making her uncomfortable that he carried on +under cover of his solicitude. And she was not clever enough to combat +it; when he told her she had ruined his life by marrying Ishmael, she +was not brave enough to retort that he had had opportunity enough to +marry her and never breathed the wish; when she hinted as much, he +retorted that he had only been waiting to make more money so that she +could have a position worthy of her. He declared that all she had +married Ishmael for was to get the position that should by rights have +belonged to him, Archelaus. That there had been a month of terror when +she would, if he had not already left, have begged him to marry her she +never told him. That fear had been groundless and had passed, but she +never forgave it him. + +Since his return she could not have told what swelled her resentment the +more--that he should dare to come back at all, or that his fascination +for her, the plainer to her since intimacy with another man had proved +so much less wonderful, should prick at her perpetually in spite of her +dislike of him. Ishmael she still regarded as a superior being whom she +admired, but the touch of Archelaus's casual hand had power over her +that was more intensified than stilled both by her resentment and her +distrust. + +So the months went by, and the time drew nearer, and all seemed more +peaceful at Cloom than it had ever been. One day Phoebe happened to be +alone; Ishmael and John-James were in the fields, and Phoebe lay on a +plush sofa in the parlour. Ishmael had bought that sofa for her in +Penzance when she admired its glossy crimson curves. She had not been at +all grateful; she had merely told him that he bought it, as he did +everything else for which she expressed a wish, because he wanted to do +everything possible to ensure a healthy and happy child, and there was +enough of truth in her accusation to justify it. Now she lay upon the +sofa, staring at the mahogany arm that ran along one side of it and +wishing that she were dead or that Archelaus would go away and not +torment her with his taunts and his kisses--his whole presence that made +her feel so helpless. While she lay there thus thinking he came in, +walking straight into the hall as of right, whistling carelessly; and +she heard his stick, flung against the wall, go sliding and clattering +down upon the stone flags. + +The next moment he was in the room and standing looking down at her with +a smile. She did not move, but lay looking back at him like a small bird +stricken motionless and staring beneath a hawk. Wanda, who was curled up +by her feet, growled softly. What strange twist it was in Archelaus, +what sardonic cruelty, inherited perhaps from the old Squire, that made +him take pleasure in tormenting the helpless Phoebe it would have been +hard to say. Though always latent in him, it may have been waked to +activity by the wound on his head which had left the scar. Some nice +balance may have been overset in his brain, though there was bitterness +enough in his sense of grudge to stimulate him to a perpetual nagging at +this vulnerable part of Ishmael. He had lately discovered a new way to +frighten her; in addition to his passionate urgings of what he called +his love, he vowed that he would not be able to bear his life much +longer, that in losing Cloom he had been sent out to wander the earth a +disappointed man, but in losing her he had lost all that had made his +life worth living. He threatened to kill himself, with so many +picturesque details and so much grim emphasis, that there were moments +when he could almost have deceived himself, let alone poor simple +Phoebe. His feeling for her had been of the most animal even at its +strongest, but he had to the full the primitive instinct for possession; +he had made her his woman, and, though he might have felt a mere blind +jealousy if she had married any other man, to find her taken by Ishmael, +the younger brother who had dispossessed him of all, awoke in him a +surge of anger stronger than any emotion he had ever known. + +He stooped down and deliberately took a long kiss from her mouth, +hitting the back of his hand against Wanda's sensitive nose to stop her +growling. She whimpered and slunk off the sofa, and Archelaus helped her +departure with his boot. Phoebe was too taken up with his cruelty to +herself to reproach him on behalf of the dog. + +"You ought to be ashamed, Archelaus!" she complained. "Oh, sometimes I +think you're the wickedest man in the world, that I do...!" + +"Who's made me so, then? Who went and wed another man as soon as I'd +gone off to make a fortune for her, eh? Tell me that!" + +"I don't believe it; if it had been that you'd have told me." + +"How could I tell 'ee? Wouldn't you, wouldn't any woman, have bidden me +hold my tongue till I'd shown what I could do? Would your Da have looked +at I for a son?" + +"Well, you can't be heart-broken, anyway, or you wouldn't be going to +marry Senath Pollard...." + +He came and bent over her again, bringing his face very close to hers +and trying to hold her eyes with his look, as only a liar does. + +"You knaw why I be walking out with Senath ... so as to be able to come +here and have no one thinkin' anything. You knaw that as well as my +tongue and heart can tell 'ee. Look at me ... don't 'ee knaw it, +Phoebe? Don't 'ee?" + +She turned her head this way and that to avoid his insistence, but at +last she yielded as on that night long ago beside the stile and met look +and lips. "I don't believe it," she murmured in a choked whisper, her +mouth against his; "but I'm a sinful woman, and there's something in me +wishes I could...." + +She had come thus far, she whose total lack of moral sense had not +suggested to her any reason why, having been the lover of one brother, +she should not be the wife of the other; but her stereotyped views, +missing the essentials, did revolt, though vainly, against his kisses +when she was a wife, even while she burned beneath them. She really was +very miserable. Suddenly he released her and leant back with a dark look +on his face, a look she knew and dreaded. She resorted to her little +wiles to make him shake it off. + +"Archelaus!..." she breathed, sliding her hand across his eyes; "don't +look like that.... To please me!" She pulled his head towards her and +dropped light kisses on his lids to charm the expression out of his +eyes, but he remained impassive. She was in a condition when wiles leave +a certain kind of man very untouched, and hate for Ishmael, not any +charm left for him in her, urged his cunning love-making. + +"I can't go on weth it," he declared; "it's no good, Phoebe. What does +life hold for I now? Last week I was down in the mine when there was a +fall of rock, and for a bit we thought we'd never get out, and I said to +myself what did it matter?... it'll only save I the trouble of doen it +for myself." + +"Archelaus!..." + +"I put the barrel of my gun against my head t'other day and pulled the +trigger, but it missed fire. And then I dedn't try again, because I +thought all of a sudden that I must see you once more, Phoebe, and +tell 'ee plain all about it--what you and that husband of yours have +driven a man to." + +"Don't talk to me about Ishmael! At least he's a good man, so he is, and +we're neither of us fit to live along of him!" + +"Good, is he? Yes; but is he the man for 'ee? Do 'ee ever feel your lil' +heart beating the quicker against his? If he'm a man, why don't 'ee tell +him everything and let him kick me out, eh?" + +"You know I can't tell him--that I couldn't ever." + +"He'll knaw when I'm dead, because I'll lave word to show all men how +one brother took everything in life from another.... He'll knaw then." + +"I don't believe you; I don't believe anyone would be so wicked, even +you." + +"Ah! there's things in life even you don't knaw anything about, though +you'm so wicked yourself," said Archelaus grimly; "but you too 'll knaw +a bit more by-and-bye. I won't be able to keep off it for long, +Phoebe. Maybe it'll take me suddenly when I'm here one day. You'll +hear my life-blood running away, lil' 'un, and think for a minute it's +water drippen' somewhere. Or perhaps I'll just take a rope and hang +myself, and you'll hear I choken'. I saw a man hung in Australy once for +stealen' another man's gold, and he took an awful time to die, he did. +You could hear the choken' of him loud as bellows...." Phoebe had +turned sickly pale, she screamed out, and thrust him away from her. +"Katie!" she called. Archelaus went to the door and shouted into the +kitchen. "Your missus is feelen' faint," he informed the maids. "I just +looked into the parlour and saw her lyen' all wisht like." Katie +bustled past with an odd look at him, and Phoebe was taken up to bed. +She was better again next day, but she feared after that to leave her +room, and in spite of Ishmael's protests stayed in bed, pleading that +she felt giddy whenever she stood up. Twice Archelaus came to the house +and had to be content with calling to her through the door, and each +time she replied she was not well enough to see him. + +He began to fume that his hidden delight of torment, which in his +distorted mind was part of his scheme for revenge against Ishmael, was +being thwarted; and day by day as he brooded to himself, his thoughts +ever on the same theme, the end of all his anger and her fear began to +loom, as he had planned. It was chance that eventually played into his +hands, but the will and the cunning that made him ripe to catch at it +were his already. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +THE PASSAGE + + +Phoebe lay in her big bed, her arms straight out upon the coverlet, +listless palms upwards, her eyes closed, and her dim thoughts--the +unformed blind thoughts of a resentful child--her only company. A week +earlier Ishmael had been called up to Devon to see his mother, who had +taken a turn for the worse: she had died a few hours after his arrival; +he had had to stay and see to the funeral, and was not due back till +that evening. John-James was in the fields and the maids were all in the +dairy, working hard to finish the butter for market. Phoebe did not +mind--for the first time in her life she preferred to be alone; she +found it more and more difficult to control herself in the presence of +others, to hide or account for the terror that possessed her. Only when +she thought of the little life that in another month she would have +brought into the world, that would be nestling against her, did she feel +a glow of comfort. Nothing disturbed her joy in that, which she had +perforce to pretend was the cause of her depression. As she lay now, +with the wrongs done to her and by her stirring in her slow bewildered +brain, she banished them by thoughts of that which was to be hers--that +solace so far sweeter than the little animals with which she had +hitherto filled her days. Poor Wanda, who from much petting had grown to +fawn on her almost as much as upon Ishmael, was neglected now, and did +not even stretch her woolly length beside the bed, but roamed, alone and +melancholy, in the passage, waiting for the well-known loved footstep of +her master. + +Phoebe curved over in bed, and began to pretend to herself, as when a +small child she had been wont to do for the first hour in bed every +evening--planning small pleasures, triumphs over the other children she +knew--and as when a girl she had been used to lie and imagine thrilling +episodes with some dream lover. Now she pretended her baby had already +come and was lying beside her; she bunched a fold of bedclothes to make +her pretence the more real, and lay cuddling it, her eyes closed so that +the sense of sight should not dissipate her dreams. No man had any part +in her vision of the future with her baby; it was to be hers alone, and +she pictured a blissful period when she played with it, dressed and +undressed it, lived for it. Somehow she imagined that all her +difficulties would cease with its birth, and both the torment of +Archelaus and the presence of Ishmael, which now left her so unstirred +it wearied her, faded away. Although she told herself she hated men and +the harm they did, she hoped her child would be a boy, because she was +of the type of woman, even as Annie had been, that always wants a boy. + +She kept her eyes shut and caressed the bundle she had made beside her, +and tried to forget her physical condition and her mental worry in the +joy she was forecasting. + +"Phoebe ... lil' 'un ... I'm come," said a voice from the other side +of her bedroom door. Her lids flew up; a great spasm of terror shot +through her, making her sick and setting her heart pounding. She saw the +last warm glow of the evening in the square of sky, its light tingeing +the white bedroom with fire; she saw the bundle in the curve of her arm +was only a roll of sheet and blanket whose striped edge of pink and blue +somehow for an irrational moment engaged her attention, so vivid had her +dreaming been, so incongruous was this sudden recall. Then she turned +over in bed towards the door, panic in her breast, and her whole body +swept by the hot waves of fear. She had locked the door, as she always +did now, but the tones, soft as they were, had power to frighten her +even through the stout wood. + +She lay silent, hoping he would think she was asleep, not making a +sound. + +"I do want to see 'ee that bad," came the voice. She paid no heed, but +clenched her hands under the bedclothes; her heart had settled into an +even thunderous beating that to her ears almost deafened the voice that +provoked its action. + +"I've come to say good-bye," went on the voice. "Won't 'ee just say +good-bye to I? I'm going to another world this time, not to Australy or +Californy. I can't stand life any longer, Phoebe; you'll just wish I a +good journey for the last? 'Tes a hard voyage, I fear." + +Her self-control broke; she could no longer hold her tongue, a sick +belief in his words struggling with the conviction, born of her wish, +that he would never carry out his threat. + +"Go away, Archelaus! I wish you'd go away and leave me in peace. I don't +believe you'll do no such wickedness; you're only trying to frighten me, +and it's wicked, with me so near my time and no one with me. Go away, +Archelaus!" + +"You don't believe me ...? Just lie there in your soft bed and listen, +then," said Archelaus through the door. "You'll soon knaw whether I'm a +man to be believed or not. Good-bye, lil' Phoebe!" + +She heard him go downstairs, caught the well-known creak of two of +them--one at the top, the other near the bottom, which always creaked; +she could gauge his descent by them. Then came the harder ring of his +boots upon the nags of the passage. Then for a while all was quiet, +while she lay with straining ears trying to ignore the sound of her own +heart that she might better hear any sounds below. + +Upon her incredulous senses came a faint scrabbling noise, a scuffling +sound, clearly audible through the old worn boarding of the floor; it +was followed by the sharp clatter of an overturned chair. Then came to +her a noise so often described by him that for one moment it seemed she +had heard it before, as sometimes in a day after a vivid dream the +events dreamed of seem for an irrational recurring moment actually to +have happened. A noise of choking.... + +It went on and on, a sound no acting could have counterfeited--a wild +choking, a frenzy of protest made by compressed lungs and windpipe. The +choking went on and then grew fainter; at last it died away. Phoebe +lay soaked in sweat, her hands clutching the side of the bed, her rising +beats of pulses and heart confusing the sense of sound so much that she +hardly knew when the suggestive noise from below had really ceased. + +It might have only been a few minutes she stayed there, it might have +been an hour or more, for all she could have told; but at last, driven +by her fear, she half-fell from the bed and found the door. She drew the +bolt with fingers that did not feel it, opened the door, and crept to +the head of the stairs. Not a sound came up to her. She put one bare +foot forward, drew it back, then impelled by something stronger than her +own will, she began the descent, holding on by the wall. She went down +the first flight, turned the corner--without looking up, for she felt +very giddy--and then went on down the stairs, still groping. At their +foot she took a step or two along the passage and suddenly felt the +shock of something solid and hairy against her face. She screamed out +and looked up and saw what it was that had made those ominous sounds, +that had choked out life swinging from a beam of the hall. Poor Wanda +hung dead, her head limply to one side, her tongue out, her furry paws, +that had pattered with so much energy and glee in her master's service, +dangling helplessly. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +PHOEBE PAYS TOLL + + +When Ishmael returned a few hours later no one had thought to cut down +the body of Wanda. Everyone was too occupied with Phoebe, and those +people who had come in by the hall had merely thrust the dangling +obstruction aside and hurried on, with only a thought to it as the cause +of the trouble upstairs. Ishmael, finding his beloved dog hanging thus, +coming on it without a word of warning, felt a shock, a sense of +unbelievable outrage that made him for a moment or two think he must be +dreaming or out of his mind. He put out a hand and touched the pitiful +thing before conviction came upon him, and with a shout of rage and pain +he gathered Wanda in his arms, calling her name, hoping for a twitch of +life. Then he whipped out his knife and sawed through the cord and +lowered the body upon the floor, felt for the heart, turned up the +dropped eyelids, even shook the inanimate stiffening form of his pet. He +knew it was in vain--that never again would she jump trustingly upon +him, never again would she appear absurdly with one of his slippers in +her wide mouth that always seemed to smile at the joke, coming down the +drive to greet him; that never again would he have her for his untiring +companion on his walks or upon the plateau where he was wont to lie and +look into her wise eyes and talk to her without fear of contradiction, +receiving that full measure of admiration and belief that only a dog +gives. So much was his grief, but overpowering that simpler emotion was +a sick rage. The knowledge that rough, brutal hands must have carried +out this outrage, that in an agony of fear and astonishment she must +have yielded up her breath, struck at his heart. He got to his feet, and +carrying the body into the parlour, laid it down, then went through to +the kitchen. The dairymaid was standing over a kettle of water that was +heating on the fire; the other maid stood near her. They had evidently +been talking together earnestly when he burst in upon them; they had not +even heard his approach. Both girls seemed excited, charged with portent +beyond the ordinary. They stood staring at Ishmael, mouths open. + +"What is the meaning of it?" he shouted at them. "How is it you are both +in here like this, and with--that left in the passage? Has everyone gone +mad? What has happened?" + +"Oh, maister!" ejaculated one of them, "havn't 'ee heard?" + +"Heard what? I come in and find my poor dog--" He broke off; he could +not bring himself to utter the words that would tell what he had come +upon. + +"Missus got out of the bed and found someone had hung the dog, and her +was took all of a sudden, and the doctor is overstairs weth her now," +the girl informed him; and through all her commiseration the ghoulish +delight of her kind in misfortune showed. "She'm mortal bad, they do +say," she added. + +Ishmael stood still where he was. His mind had been subjected to too +violent an onslaught for this fresh news to break upon it with much +added weight. Dimly aware that the standard of these other people would +expect him hardly to notice the death of his dog when his wife was in +danger, he did not speak again of Wanda, but all his loyalty of +affection went out to the furry body lying helplessly in the deserted +parlour, as all his sense of horror had been absorbed by the finding of +it. After that everything seemed to him more or less dreamlike; an +impersonal pity and anxiety he felt and deeply, but it was as though he +stood and looked on at Phoebe from outside of himself as much as from +outside of her. + +He was first stirred to active realisation by the expression of her +physical pain; when he heard her cries, rising and falling, piercing the +calm autumn night, he went into the garden and tried to stop his ears, +but the thin poignancy of those cries still rang in them. He went back +to the parlour, and picking up the body of poor Wanda, carried it out to +a spot of the garden where the sun fell the longest, and there, beneath +a rambler rose bush, began to dig her grave furiously. Suddenly it +struck him as rather awful that it should be a grave he was busy over at +such a moment, and he stopped. Then his deadly sense of proportion that +never would leave him alone for long told him how little it really +mattered, and he went on with his work. Wanda was covered by a smoothed +patch of earth--he wanted no mound to bring the memory of the pity of +her before him--by the time the flame in his lantern had flickered and +died, and the late moon was riding high in the sky. He put on his coat +and went again to the house. + +Phoebe's ordeal was not over till broad day had appeared and the usual +sounds of farm-life had perforce begun again. With them there mingled a +fresh note--the cry of the new-born child, insistent, wailing, +plaintive; but the cries of its mother had ceased. She lay silent in her +exhaustion, amid the dim looming of the horror that had encompassed her, +and she showed no interest even in the desired babe that had been laid +in the curve of her arm as she had pictured him not twelve hours before. + +The ordeal had been too much for Phoebe in her weak condition; she was +never to recover from the terror of that minute or hour when she had +lain and listened, as she thought, and as he had meant her to think, to +Archelaus hanging himself in the passage below. The child, though born +prematurely and for the first few weeks a sickly little creature enough, +gradually strengthened, but Phoebe's life flickered lower each hour. +She did not seem frightened at the approach of death, if she realised +it, which was doubtful. It was as though she had used up all of emotion +before and had no strength left to indulge in any now. That was how +Ishmael too had felt all those first hours after his homecoming; but +with a short spell of heavy, irresistible sleep the power to feel +returned to him, and he was even surprised at the depth to which he felt +a pang. He had not "loved" Phoebe in the sense in which that +much-abused word is generally used; he had felt for her a passion which +was in itself a reaction and an affection which had diminished and not +augmented in their life together. But intimacy and custom go far towards +producing that sense of knowledge of another human being which makes the +imagination translate what the other is suffering into terms of self, +and that is after all the method by which the most vivid human sympathy +is evoked. He felt he knew her so well--her aims and ideas, her likes +and little gusty hates, her sweetnesses and her pettiness--that he +suffered with her now more acutely than she for herself. + +Also, as her life drew out, and that feeling of something focussing, of +many tangled threads all being drawn together, which the approach of +death gives, took hold of the watchers, all the external things which go +to make life fell away from him and the stark roots of it stood out. +This had been his mate, this fragile little thing lying there, her +listless eyes not meeting his, her limp fingers not responding to any +touch. She had been nearer to him physically than any other human being, +and that she had been further mentally was swamped in that thought in +the hour when she was dying of the nearness.... For he had the guilty +feeling of the man whose wife dies in childbirth, and though he told +himself that whatever passing brute had wantonly hung the harmless dog +had brought about this tragedy, that could not altogether absolve him. +His poor little Phoebe--he had always known her soft heart for +animals, but even he had not guessed that the tragedy of Wanda would +affect her so--she who had seen so many animals killed with much less +sickening than he himself. + +As he sat by the bed there flashed on him an irrational memory of that +day in the field when the girls had found a wounded toad amidst the +oat-sheaves, and how he had come up to them as they clustered round it +in their pale gowns. It had been Blanche who had been most articulate in +her pity, and yet Blanche had not scrupled to hurt him when it suited +her. Phoebe, till these months of irritation and the dislike which had +seemed to spring in her, had never wilfully hurt anyone. He felt he knew +all of Phoebe there had been to know, and his heart softened over her +as she slipped away from any power of his to tell her so. + +That flattened little form under the crumpled coverlet was Phoebe's, +was the same body with which she had given him so much delight. This was +the Phoebe who had hung about his neck in the valley and smothered his +words upon his lips with kisses--she who had taught him her own +knowledge of love, that instinctive knowledge of Aspasia and her +sisters; it was through her he had become a man. So he felt now looking +at her. + +With dawn, the day after the child's birth, it became plain that she +could hold the frail thread of her life no longer. The nurse sat on one +side of the bed; the doctor had not yet come back after leaving to +attend another case. The child lay beside her, because the only time she +spoke or showed any interest that night she had asked for it. Now she +lay either asleep or already unconscious, her hair all pushed away from +her face, which had fallen into hollows. She looked far older than her +years--older than it would have been possible to imagine she ever could +look. + +Ishmael sat very still, his mind as quiescent as his body; it was as +though it had been hypnotised by its steady concentration on her +approaching death as by the steady keeping of the eyes fixed on some one +glittering object. All around that one point thought had ceased; +impalpable walls shut off from consciousness everything else in the +scheme of things. The focussing in the quiet room sharpened, grew more +intense; the liquid light of dawn began to flood the air, and a bright +shaft shot across the hill as the sun swam up over the rim of the moor. +It fell across the bed, and Phoebe stirred and opened her eyes. Their +gaze rested blankly on Ishmael, wandered round the room, then fell to +the round head against her shoulder. + +The shaft of sun lay upon the baby's reddish fair fluff of hair, and the +brightness of it seemed to arrest Phoebe's look, as it might have the +unreasoning gaze of a child. She put out one wavering hand and tried to +touch it; her direction was uncertain, and the hand fell again without +reaching more than the outskirts of the beam. Thinking she wished to +touch the child, the nurse guided her hand, and as Phoebe felt her +fingers fall about the curve of its head a faint look of content passed +across her face. Then she tried to make as though to lift her hand, but +it fell sideways. The nurse moved the baby nearer her, but it was not +that that Phoebe wanted; she kept trying to touch the gleam of sun +upon the white quilt. Ishmael felt a pang go through him as he +remembered the girl who had once before tried to pick the sun.... + +A few moments later the child, as though stirred by some prescience, +began to whimper and make little struggling movements--Phoebe had died +as simply as she had lived, and as secretively. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +THE DISCOVERING OF NICKY + + +There followed for Ishmael a time when the sordidness inseparable from a +death in a civilised country made of everything a hideousness, and he +was aware of a rising tide of irritability in himself that he found it +difficult to keep within the decorous bounds of the subdued aspect +required from a newly-made widower. Later, after the funeral was over +and life at the Manor had somewhat settled down again, with the +incongruous addition of a nurse, he began to feel that unkind touch of +the ludicrous which accompanies the position of a young man left with a +baby on his hands. He was ashamed of this feeling and tried to suppress +it, but it was there nevertheless. It ceased to twinge when Vassie came +down, her husband with her, to pay him a visit--partly because, he +guessed, it was to see that all was being done for the baby's welfare in +such a masculine house that she had come. + +Vassie was resplendent, and if she did not love her husband ecstatically +she was intensely proud of him. She had become an enthusiastic Radical, +and talked of the rights of the people as to the manner bred. Ishmael +suppressed a smile, feeling himself completely the embodiment of +opposite views, and liked her husband in spite of it. He was just not +quite a gentleman--a little too vivid, too clever, too emphatic; but +that he would go far even the Parson believed. Ishmael was grateful to +the pair for coming, and never asked Vassie why she, who held such +socialistic views, had not come to stay when Phoebe was alive. + +Afterwards he realised the chief debt he owed to Vassie was that she +first opened his eyes to the delightfulness of his child. One evening of +winter he happened to come in earlier than usual, at the sacred hour of +the bath, and Vassie promptly pounced on him and made him come up to the +room she had arranged according to her modern ideas--the modernity of +'69--as a nursery. A fire leapt in the grate from behind a thing like a +wire meat-safe that Ishmael had never seen before and that had never +been considered necessary to keep him or his brothers from a fiery +death. Before it was spread a creamy-hued blanket, on which stood an +oval bath from whose lip a cloud of steam wavered up, the incense of +this ritual. Vassie sat beside it, a towel over her knees, and sprawling +upon it, its bent legs kicking in the air, its tiny fists clutching at +everything and nothing with the instinctive grasp of life, lay the baby. + +James Nicholas Ruan--so called after his uncle and the Parson--was a +little over three months old, just the age when a baby begins to be +attractive even to a male observer. + +Ishmael watched him as Vassie skilfully dipped and dried him, turning +him about on her lap to dust the powder into the interstices of his tiny +person, and, far from resenting this as an indignity, he seemed to think +it all a huge joke. Yet the jollity of him, his sudden smiles and his +clutchings and wavings, all seemed addressed to himself alone--part of +some life he alone knew, some vision he alone could see. As he was +soaped and patted, and powdered and turned, there was always the air +about him of a being really supremely independent of everyone; although +his body seemed so helpless one got the impression that his soul was +thoroughly aloof, untouched. When he laughed at the efforts of the +grown-ups to please him it was a sublime condescension, that was all. +When something failed to please him he was recalled to the things of +this world and set up a loud wail, which filled Ishmael with anxiety, +though Vassie and the nurse remained unaccountably calm. The baby +evidently was of their opinion, because he left off wailing with the +suddenness with which he had begun, and finally was tucked into his +cradle and fell soundly asleep, one tiny hand flung palm upwards upon +the pillow by his head after the manner of babies from time immemorial. + +Ishmael, though he had first held aloof and then been terrified when +Vassie insisted on his taking the fragile little body in his arms, had +yet felt a thrill go through him when he did so. It was not possible for +a man to have the feeling for the land that he had and not both crave +for a child and feel a deep-rooted emotion at its possession. Yet it was +more than that, he told himself, when he felt the warm little body +utterly dependent on him. He had taken him up before often enough, but +never in the intimacy of this evening, which held the quality of a +shrine. + +He showed nothing of what he felt, but that evening, after Vassie and +her ever-talking husband had settled themselves in the parlour, he went +up again to the nursery and told the nurse she could go downstairs for a +little while. Then he crossed over to the cot and, drawing back the +curtain, looked down at the little morsel lying asleep in it. This was +his son, this small rosy thing, his son that would one day walk his land +beside him and would eventually take it over as his own. This was flesh +of his flesh as no wife could ever be, and soul of his soul as well. + +As he looked the baby began to whimper and opened its eyes, of the milky +blue of a kitten's. Ishmael went on his knees beside the cot, and eager, +absurdly eager, to be able to cope with the situation successfully +himself, spoke as soothingly as he knew how. The baby's whimper became a +cry. His little hand beat the air. Ishmael struck his forefinger into +the tiny palm, and the little fingers curled round it with that amazing +tenacity of babies, who can clutch and suck before they can do anything +else--getting, always getting, from life, like all young things. The +baby hung firmly on to the finger and his cries died down; his mouth +twitched and puckered to an absurd smile. Ishmael felt an exquisite glow +suffuse his tired heart that had been so dry for months. He dared not +make a sound for fear he broke the spell of contentment that held the +baby and himself; he stayed with his finger enwrapped by those tiny +clinging fingers till long after the baby had fallen asleep again. Then +he crept from the room, and meeting the nurse his face assumed a blank +and casual expression. But his heart guarded the glow that had been lit, +which grew within him. + +He began to work at Cloom as never before, because this time he was not +working for himself. As the baby grew and became more and more of a +delight and a companion--and a baby can be an excellent companion--he +felt within him a steady gleam that did not flicker with the mood of the +hour as so many gleams will. He told himself, as he settled into a +manner of life and thought of which the child was the inalienable +centre, that this was indeed the greatest thing in life. Before this, +desire paled and self died down; in the white light of this love all +others faded in smoke, except the love of heaven, of which it was a +part. By heaven he meant not only the future state of the soul, but the +earth on which he trod, and the only thing likely to become pernicious +during the years that followed was his obsession with the one idea and +his certainty that he had found the great secret. + +Yet in spite of the passion which held him, and which he told himself +was the master passion, there at times, and more as the years went on, +would arise in him the old feeling--the feeling that something must +surely happen, that round the corner awaited events of which the mere +expectation made each day's awakening a glowing thing. Life was young +and insistent in his veins, and with the lifting dawns, the recurrent +springs, it began to sing anew--for him as apart from his child. Not yet +had he found any one thing to make the complete round, to give him +enough whereby to live without further questioning. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +CENTRIPETAL MOVEMENT + + +While little Nicky was still too young to need troubling over in the +matter of schooling, Ishmael yet found himself for the first time +considering the subject, not so much as it would affect his child, but +as it bore upon the children of the countryside--children such as his +own brothers had been, as he might have been himself.... The Education +Act had not long been passed, for it was the spring of '72 when Ishmael +began to take an active part in its administration in the West. He was +still a young man, but the happenings and circumstances of his life had +made for thoughtfulness, and association with his firebrand +brother-in-law was turning that thought into more definite channels than +formerly. Ishmael was becoming less a philosophic dreamer, and he began +to feel within himself the stirring of desire to do things. Not that he +had ever been idle, but his own little corner of the world and the +definite work he had had to do in it had hitherto filled the practical +part of life for him. Now that Cloom was so far set upon the upward way +as to allow him more liberty, bigger though not dearer ideas began to +germinate within him. + +The years his youth had seen were stirring enough; the excitements and +scandals of the Crimean War, the chief topic during the time just before +he went to St. Renny, had been followed, in his first year there, by the +tragedy of the Mutiny and the wild stories that had filled the land at +the time. Then, even in Cornwall, the question of the liberation of +slaves had been a burning one, and that, combined with the sad tales of +distress caused in the North and Midlands, had made the American war a +live matter. Ever since he had heard Russell and Gladstone fighting for +the doomed Reform Bill of '66--heard, above all, Bright's magic flow of +words--the political world had held a reality for him it never had +before. Ever since he too had been swept with the crowds to Hyde Park on +that memorable day when the people of England had shown their will so +plainly he had felt within him a rising sense of the necessity of +reforms. Not till he met his brother-in-law, Dan, had it really become +clear to him that there lay his own path.... Up till then, after the +fashion of the young who have not been directly incited either by +upbringing or an exceptional temperament to deeds bigger than +themselves, he had been very engrossed with the personal life of himself +and those he knew. Whenever he had projected beyond that--as he did in a +degree incomprehensible to his family--it had been into the intangible +regions of the spirit. + +Now, with the first fine rapture of youth already faded, but its +enthusiasm left burning for scope, with his emotional capacities +exhausted for a long time to come and his mind sickened of the intimate +matters of life, now he was ripening every day for the more material but +impersonal energies involved in helping other people's minds and bodies. +As usual, any measure took far longer to sink in in Cornwall than +up-country, and the Education Bill might for long have remained an empty +sound as far as Penwith was concerned if it had not been for Boase, +Ishmael, and several others of the local gentry. The Nonconformists were +still bitter against it, and there were riots and much heartburning +among the poor. They resented having their children sent to school to +learn more than their parents instead of helping them by earning almost +as soon as their little legs could stagger. Indignation meetings were +held in the local chapels, and the Parson was once stoned from behind a +hedge. He, though by nature a Conservative, was too truly a wise as well +as a compassionate man not to see the crying need for reforms, and +though of necessity he deplored the creeping in of undenominationalism, +yet he knew his parish was too poor to support adequate Church schools, +and he was glad enough to see children in a way to receive some +education. He smiled at the idea of the Bible being "explained" without +a leaning to any particular creed, but he relied on his own Sunday +school to supply that want. Also perhaps even he was not averse to +supporting what had so violently the disapprobation of the +Nonconformists.... There was no particular force in the objections of +these latter in that district, as the Church school, the only one for +miles, would not be large or convenient enough to come under the State +aid of the Bill, so almost from the first it was a matter of building +one of the new Board schools, where the undenominational system abhorred +by Boase would be all that would hold sway. + +Ishmael's first definite outward movement came about on an evening when +Boase came up to the Manor to see him and the Flynns, who were staying +with him at the time. Nicky was then three years old, and a daily +growing delight to Ishmael, but the Parson was not without a guileful +plot to wean him somewhat from that allegiance. He had begun to +consider--probably because Daniel Flynn, deeply as he disagreed from him +in many respects, had stirred him to the wider issues--that Ishmael must +be made to take a hand in other affairs than the ordering of his estate +and the upbringing of his son. He had watched with alarm the increasing +inwardness of the man he loved, to him always the boy he remembered--an +inwardness not towards egoism, for that Ishmael's distrust of +individualism, would always prevent, but towards a vague Quietism that +enwrapped him more and more. His son, deeply as he engrossed him, +rather increased this trend than otherwise, and Boase, casting about for +other influences, had irresistibly thought of Flynn. + +Daniel Flynn was a living mass of contradictions. An Irishman and a +disciple of the O'Connell tradition, he was yet--though the word had not +then been coined--an Imperialist, for his Canadian sympathies were +strong, and he knew that not yet could the Colonies be entirely cut +loose from the Mother Country. A Liberal, he had been an ardent +supporter of the Dominion scheme evolved under the Tory Government of +Derby. He revered the memory of Durham, that large-ideaed, +generous-hearted, spectacular nobleman whose crime had been to hold by +the spirit rather than by the letter, and whom Dan declared to be the +father not only of Canada, but of the modern Colonial system. Though he +held the Crimean War to be an error of policy and the Chinese War of '57 +to be an abomination, he never joined with those of Palmerston's +detractors who accused him of being too French in his sympathies. He +inveighed against all wars in the abstract, yet raged at the loyalty of +O'Connell, which, by stopping short at the use of rebellious force, had +alienated his adherents; and he himself had borne arms for Garibaldi. He +had been among the most passionate critics of the manner in which the +trial of the Manchester Fenians had been conducted and at the sentence +pronounced against them, but his Imperialist and O'Connellised self had +deprecated the action of the Fenians in the first place. He was a +Catholic by blood and an agnostic by temperament; the former made him +abhor blasphemy, and the latter definite boundaries. He was a follower +of Russell, that aristocrat of reform, and yet voted against his Reform +Bill, as many Liberals did, because it was half-hearted. He was an +Irish-Canadian and sat for a manufacturing town in the Midlands. + +Daniel Flynn was a man whose brain was too finely balanced not to see +fairly, but whose sympathies were so passionately partisan they were for +ever swaying action to one side or other of the true point of equity. On +this evening the Parson found him in fine fettle for a talk, and if +necessary for a fight. He was sitting in the parlour with Vassie, but +his whole soul was with a letter he had had from Ireland telling of a +disastrous case where the new Irish Land Act, of which even Dan had +hoped great things, had failed more signally than usual. + +"Listen to this," he burst forth almost as soon as Boase was seated, +"and tell me if that fool Government doesn't want hanging as high as +those poor Fenians! Here's a man in my own country, where the little +cabin is that saw me born, before ever me father took me to the new +country; and his landlord has told him he'll not give him a penny piece +for the shed and the new wall and the garden patch he's made out of the +bare earth with his own hands. And him going to America, and the money +the scoundrel ought to pay him for them would take his family across in +comfort, and his wife with child at the blessed moment!" + +Boase held his head in comic bewilderment, and Dan laughed a little and +calmed down. + +"And why can't he make the landlord pay, you'd ask? Because the spalpeen +had it in writing from him when the Bill was passed that if he put on a +new roof to keep the wet off a dying child he should never enforce the +terms of the Act against him.... Didn't I vote against the Act because +of the very clause allowing that? I knew the landlords and the devil's +tricks they'd be up to.... Saving your presence, Ishmael, old fellow, +landlords are the scum of the earth!" + +"At least you can't accuse me of being an absentee landlord," said +Ishmael, smiling. + +"No, indeed," chimed in Vassie almost indignantly. "If you knew all +he's done here, Dan, it's like a miracle. I don't believe wages or the +standard of living could be lower in Ireland than they were here when +Ishmael took the place in hand." + +"I believe you," said Flynn. "It's myself thinks Ishmael has it in him +to be a grand reformer; that's why I can't bear to see him wasting +himself over morals and manure when he could be working away at the +bettering of the world." + +Ishmael laughed, but the Parson took up the suggestion seriously. + +"The world's a large order," he said, "but this particular corner of it, +perhaps.... There's several matters down here would be the better for +the gentry taking more interest in them. These new school boards, for +instance--" + +"Ah, the children...!" cried Flynn, the light of the enthusiast +springing into his fine eyes. "They're what matter, when all's said and +done. If we get the children we get the world. Every generation has in +it the millennium, the seeds of Utopia." + +"The phantom cities of Fata Morgana ..." said the Parson with a sigh. +"But we're all the better for sighting them, even so. What d'you think +of the suggestion, Ishmael?" + +"What? I didn't know there'd been one made." + +"That you should be on this new board," said the Parson boldly. "Lord +Luxullyan has had to retire through illness; he himself suggested you +should take his place." + +Ishmael was stricken silent for a moment. The idea seemed to him a +little absurd, but Boase and Flynn, both of whom he respected, seemed +alight with enthusiasm. He thought it over as well as he could in a +short space. Perhaps there might be something in it after all. He +remembered his own youth, how, if it had not been for the especial +interest taken in him by the Parson, he, like his brothers, might have +had to be content with the bare elements of reading and writing imbibed +at the local dame school whenever Annie chose they should go. Tom had +been the only one to educate himself further by his own efforts; he +himself, he believed, would never have done as much as Tom. All around +him he saw the children of his tenants growing up in ignorance, too +ill-educated even to respond to his schemes for advancing them, for +their better health and conditions of labour. He knew there was +opposition to this new scheme, that the Parson had come in for a share +of obloquy, and that the parents themselves, in some cases were their +children's enemies. And lastly, in that swift flashing before him of +these thoughts, came the image of Nicky--of Nicky whose intelligence was +daily showing as a brighter thing, whose jolly little presence meant so +much of the future to him, on whom he was building his own life-work as +he had up till now conceived of it. How if it were his Nicky who was +destined never to learn, never to be pulled out of the slough of deadly +content, never to know any of the things that make life rich and the +horizon not only the material one proscribed by locality? The +countryside was full of little Nickies--not so finely dowered by nature, +doubtless thicker of skull and soul, but still little Nickies.... Better +co-workers with Nicky these could be made. For the first time he saw not +only Cloom and his own tenants, but the whole countryside that he knew +so well, growing finer, freer. + +And it was all about a school board! An ordinary enough thing now, when +custom has staled it and the many faults in the system have become +visible; but, printing once invented, school boards could no more be +held back than the eventual express railway engine once Hero of +Alexandria had made his little experiments with a steam kettle. About +the benefit of either there may be two opinions, but none about their +inevitability. + +At the time of the Forster Act the school board was a new and thrilling +thing, one more sign of the approaching day when reform should have made +a perfect world. Very famous and great people did not scorn to sit upon +it, and the whole movement was considered in the light of a benevolent +revolution. Ishmael, seeing with the eyes of his age and time, tingled +to the thought. It was the first occasion on which the cup of ambition +had been held before him, and to him it was momentous. He said little, +but did not try and dissuade the Parson when he declared he would take +the matter to the authorities, and he listened to Flynn for the rest of +that evening with less the sensation of the outsider, the mere onlooker, +than ever before. + +Reform, reform, was Daniel's theme, especially the reform of the whole +voting system. He was a keen advocate of increased franchise and the +ballot, and here the Parson differed from him. The Parson, in his heart +of hearts, would have taken the vote away from most of the people he +knew; he would certainly not have enlarged its scope, and as to the +system of the secret ballot-box, he was too used to knowing what all his +parishioners did with their votes and to guiding their hands.... There +were steps he could not take with Flynn; but Ishmael, listening, began +to waver in his allegiance towards the Parson. His own nature would have +supported the idea of secret voting even if his progressive spirit, the +eager spirit of youth that can put all right, had not urged him to be on +the side of things new. Already he had once or twice found himself +failing to support the Parson's advocacy of Derby, and in debate upheld +Gladstone against Disraeli. This evening it dawned upon him that Boase +was not infallible, that times had moved past him.... The dear old +Parson, of course he would always feel just the same about him; but +after all he had stayed down here too long and was getting old ... he +could not be expected to know as much as younger men. + +It was only towards the end of the evening that Ishmael's complacency +received a slight prick that made it waver. Dan had told of an Irishman +who, after winning a case against his landlord, had hidden behind a +hedge and shot him on the way home from the court. + +"It was his heart was broken by all the trouble of it," said Flynn, "and +when the victory was his he didn't want it. If he'd lost his case he +wouldn't have done it. But it's a difficult thing to get into the head +of a jury, especially when it's a packed jury of black Protestants from +the North." + +"We don't make nearly enough account, in our laws or our private lives, +of which of the two great divisions any deed falls into," said the +Parson. + +"What divisions?" asked Flynn curiously. + +"The divisions of what one may call the primary and secondary--I mean, +if a deed be born of itself, a pure creation, or whether it is the +result of a reaction. I have had more girls 'go wrong' after a religious +revival than at any other time. Pure reaction! I firmly believe reaction +is at the bottom of half the marriages and all the divorces of the +world." + +"It's at the back of quite half the crime," assented Flynn, "and murder +should certainly be classified under that distinction." + +"It's at the bottom of nearly all the decisive steps in a man's own +life," said Ishmael thoughtfully. He was thinking that his self-created +impulses seemed to have ceased with the death of his love for Blanche. +She and Cloom had both been passions born of their own inevitable +necessity. But his marriage came under the heading of "reaction" if ever +anything did. He wondered whether this new fire he felt beginning to +warm him did not partake of some quality of reaction also--reaction from +the dreams and undisciplined longings of adolescence which had served +him so badly. At the thought the glow died down, and greyness spread +over the vague budding schemes that had begun to swell life out. + +"But one mustn't confuse the law of reactions with that of cause and +effect," the Parson went on, "which it is easy to do if you let yourself +think sloppily." + +Dan pounced on the point eagerly. "No, indeed, or it's all reforms would +be only on the secondary plane, instead of which any reform worthy the +name is a pure impulse of creation. I don't believe any deed, public or +private, of the finest calibre can come under the head of the secondary +type." + +"Perhaps not," said Boase, "but it's all the more important a +distinction. Both the foolish and the criminal deed are less blameworthy +if they are the result of some violent reaction, even if the fine deed +is the less unalloyed." + +Thinking it over that night with his accustomed honesty, Ishmael came to +the conclusion that it was the law of cause and effect, and not the law +of reactions, which prompted his new stirrings, and he was as nearly +right as any man may be about his own motive power. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THE NATION AND NICKY + + +The school board was only a beginning, and, though Ishmael never yielded +to Dan's persuasiveness to the extent of standing for Parliament, he +took an increasing share in local administration. Reform was in the air; +it was the great time of reforms, when men burned over what would now +seem commonplaces, so used are we become to the improvements these men +made. + +When Gladstone dissolved Parliament in '74 and made his appeal to the +country to reinstate the Liberals, Ishmael boldly made up his mind as to +his own convictions and supported the Liberal candidate. But England was +sick of the Liberals, in spite of the reforms of the late Government. +The dread of Home Rule, the defeat of the Ministry over the unpopular +Irish Universities Bill, and the ill-feeling aroused by the payment of +the fine to the United States for the depredations of the +_Alabama_--which was to have marked the beginning of a new era when all +troubles would be settled by arbitration--these things had all, though +none had loomed as large in the popular imagination as the great +Tichborne case, contributed to the weariness felt where Mr. Gladstone +was concerned. Ishmael, unswayed by the childish temper of the nation, +based his convictions chiefly upon the condition of the lower classes, +which he had too good cause to know was entirely unsatisfactory. Not all +the old English squiredom of Mr. Disraeli--surely the most incongruous +figure of a squire that ever gave prizes to a cap-touching +tenantry--could persuade Ishmael that the labourer might live and rear a +family in decency on ten shillings a week. The labourer had just sprung +into prominence in the eyes of the world, but Ishmael had known him +intimately for years. The Ballot Act having been passed in '72, this +election held a charm, a secret excitement, new in political history; +but in West Penwith the people were so anxious to impress Ishmael with +the fact that they had voted the way he wished, or if it were the Parson +whose favour they coveted, to tell that gentleman that the Conservative +candidate had had the benefit of their votes, that much of the objective +of voting by ballot was lost. Except, as Ishmael observed, that they +were all quite likely to be lying anyway.... + +As all the world knows, Gladstone's party failed to get in, largely +owing to the influence of the publicans and brewers, who had been +alarmed at his attempts to regulate the liquor traffic, and Mr. Disraeli +came into power; the pendulum had swung once more. Daniel Flynn had paid +a flying visit to the West and made a few impassioned speeches in favour +of the Liberal candidate, and Ishmael had driven him about the country. +If Blanche Grey could have looked ahead she might have seen fit to stand +by her bargain after all. That Vassie and her Irish firebrand should sit +at dinner with Lord Luxullyan, that Ishmael should be called upon to +receive with the other county potentates a Royal princeling on a tour in +the West--who could have foretold these things? Certainly not Ishmael +himself; and though the Parson had had limitless ambitions for him, he +had never thought of them in actual terms. + +Neither was Boase altogether happy about the path in life of his +spiritual son, although that path seemed to lead, in its unobtrusive +manner, upward. It was an age when materialism was to the fore, when the +old faiths had not yet seen their way to harmonise with the undeniable +facts of science, when morality itself was of a rather priggish and +material order. And Ishmael would in not so many years now be reaching +the most material time of life--middle age. At present he was very much +under the sway of two entirely different people--Daniel Flynn and little +Nicky. + +When Nicky reached the age of eight years he was entrancing, very much +of a personage, and to Ishmael a delightful enigma. Nicky was so vivid, +so full of passing enthusiasm, so confident of himself, with none of the +diffidence that had burdened Ishmael's own youth. He was not a pretty +boy, but a splendidly healthy-looking one, with fair hair, not curly, +but rough, that defied all the blandishments of Macassar oil, and long +limbs, rather supple than sturdy, for ever growing out of his clothes. +He had the pretty coaxing ways of a young animal--Phoebe's ways, with +a bolder dash in them; and his brown eyes looked at one so frankly that +it was a long time before Ishmael could bring himself to understand that +this son of his was apparently without any feeling for the truth. It was +not so much that he lied as that he seemed incapable of discriminating +between the truth and a lie; whatever seemed the most pleasant thing to +say at the moment Nicky said, and hoped for the best. It was a problem, +but Boase was less worried by it than the young father. + +"Children often seem to have a natural affinity for the false instead of +the true," he said, "and they grow out of it when they begin to see more +plainly. The great thing is not to frighten him so that he doesn't dare +admit it when he's lied." + +Ishmael accepted the Parson's advice thankfully; besides having a +distaste for the idea of corporal punishment, he could hardly have borne +to hurt the eager, bright creature who always hung about him so +confidingly when in the mood, but who had no compunction in not going +near him for days, except to say good-morning and good-night, when in +one of his elusive fits. + +Vassie, who had no children of her own, adored her little nephew, and +was very proud of him, so one way and another it was not remarkable that +Nicky was in a fair way to be spoilt. Already he was too much aware of +his own charm, of the fact that to these kind but rather stupid people, +whom it was so easy to deceive, he was wonderful. He seemed to be a +clean-natured boy, but what he did and did not know it would have been +hard to say, as, added to a certain secretiveness which in different +ways both Phoebe and Ishmael possessed, there was in him a strain of +elusiveness; you could not coerce him to a definiteness he did not wish +any more than you could catch a butterfly by stabbing at it in air with +a needle. + +Ishmael would sometimes observe him quietly when the boy was unaware of +scrutiny, and always the mere sight of the round close-cropped head, the +delicious idle busyness of childhood, the air at once of import and +carelessness it holds, disarmed and captured him. It seemed to him to be +his own younger self he was watching, and the pathos of unconscious +youth, slipping, slipping, imperceptibly but swiftly, struck at his +heart. How little while ago it seemed since he had been like Nicky, +intent on profound plans, busy in a small but vivid sphere which +focussed in self, which swayed and expanded and grew incredibly bright +or dark beyond hope at such slight happenings! Looking back on his own +childhood, drawing on it for greater comprehension of his Nicky, he +never could connect it up with his present self, it always seemed to him +a different Ishmael that he saw, who had nothing to do with the one he +knew nowadays. He saw his own figure, small and alive, as he might have +looked at some quite other person into whose nature he had been gifted +with the power to see clearly, not as himself younger, less developed. +In the same way he regarded his early manhood, when he looked back upon +the ardent boy who had loved Blanche and staked all of intensity that +apparently he was capable of on that one personality. Phoebe too.... + +With memory of her he felt more alien still, unless he were looking at +Nicky; then he would have a queer sensation that he was seeing some +embodiment of what she had stood for to the passionate Ishmael who had +married her. Sometimes he wondered what it would have been like if she +had not died.... She would have lost her charm perhaps, become +coarser--or would that peculiar dewy softness of hers have survived the +encroachments of the years? Further apart they would inevitably have +grown; less and less of sympathy between them would have been +inevitable. So much his honesty had to admit. Passion, which he +flattered himself he had so mastered, almost as though it had been +shocked out of him on that terrible night of waiting for its fruit to +come and rend the mother's life away from her--would passion have lived? +He knew that as anything individual between her and him it could not +have, so that he would always have been meaning to deny its claims, and +would always have been falling into what would have become a mere custom +of the flesh impossible to break, only yielding, after years of it, to +boredom. + +From that he had been saved, and he gave thanks without pretence, for +with the freedom of his body was enwrapped the freedom of his soul. Yet +he was still a young man when Nicky was nearing "double figures"--only +in the early thirties. To him the years that had passed since Nicky's +birth were so different in quality from all that had gone before that it +was small wonder they seemed to him another life and he himself another +person. Nicky had been the dominating human factor; the public life of +the times, as it affected his own corner in particular, the chief +interest which had kept him hard at work, too busy for the dreams of his +unsatisfied youth. He had altered, hardened, sharpened, become more of a +man of the world, thought himself contented, and in action and practical +affairs drowned mental speculation and emotion. + +This was the Ishmael of the late 'seventies, a being altered indeed, but +not more so than the England of that period was from the England of the +'fifties and 'sixties. That she had grown, improved, set her house in +better order, it would have been futile to deny--the improvements were +of the visible kind, patent to all men. That Mr. Disraeli's new policy +of Imperialism was to be a great and splendid thing there were few men +among the Liberals wise enough to foresee, and Ishmael was not yet +amongst them. That he himself had grown, developed, become a useful +member of society, no one who knew him would have denied, but whether +his growth had been altogether towards the light was another question. +The old Parson was a wise and a patient man who had gone too far along +life's road to take any stage in it as necessarily final, and he watched +and bided the time perhaps more prayerfully, certainly more silently, +than of yore. Ishmael never failed in consideration, in affection, but +there had grown a barrier that was not entirely made of a difference in +politics. He knew it even if Ishmael, the child of his heart, seemed not +to care enough one way or the other to be aware of it. + +One day, a sunlit blowy day of spring, when the cloud-shadows drew +swiftly over the dappled hills and the young corn was showing its first +fine flames of green, Ishmael received a letter. Long after it had come +he sat with it in his hand, reading and re-reading it. A tinge of +excitement, a heady something he had long not felt, because it was +purely personal, went through and through him as he read. The letter was +from Killigrew, from whom he had heard nothing for several years, and it +held news to awake all the old memories in a flood. The letter began by +asking for news of Ishmael, and went on with a brief dismissal of the +writer's own life during the past years. It had been the "usual +thing"--no small measure of success, friendships, women, play and work. +What mattered was that Killigrew had suddenly taken it into his head he +must come down again to Cloom. He was coming and at once. He gave a few +characteristic reasons. + +"I have lost something and till yesterday I couldn't for the life of me +tell what," wrote Killigrew. "It's been a good time, and I've enjoyed +most of it, but suddenly it occurred to me that really I wasn't enjoying +it as much as I thought I was, as much as I used to. I lay on the lawn +of this confounded suburban villa whence I'm writing to you now--I'm +putting in a few days at my mother's--and I was doing nothing particular +but think over a lot of old times. And there came into my mind without +any warning--flashed into it rather--a saying of my old master's in +Paris. He was a wise old bird, the wisest I ever knew--somehow reminds +me of your old Padre, though you couldn't meet two men more different. +And what I remembered was this. 'The test of any picture, or indeed of +any of the arts, is whether or not it evokes ecstasy.' I don't know +whether it's the test of the arts, but I know it's the test of life. And +that is what I've lost. Ecstasy! One still feels it now and again, of +course, but how more and more rarely! Well, I lay on the lawn, with this +light flooding in on me, and suddenly I opened my eyes and what do you +think I saw? There was a flock of starlings in the sky, and I opened my +eyes full on 'em, so that I got 'em against the west, which was full of +sunset. They were flying in a dense mass between me and the glow. I +could see their beating wings in serried ranks of black V-shapes. And, +quite suddenly, at some bird-command communicated--heaven knows how--the +whole flock of them heeled over, presenting nothing but the narrow edge +of their wings, hair-fine, all but invisible. In that one flashing +moment the whole solid crowd of birds seemed to vanish, as though +swallowed up by a shutter of sky. I'd never seen it before, and I might +have gone through life without the luck to see it. I can tell you, it +made me tingle. I could have shouted aloud, but the sound of my own +voice would have spoilt it so. I got ecstasy all right that time, and I +realised with a pang of gratefulness that it's the impersonal things +that produce ecstasy. In personal contact you may get delirium, but +that's not the same thing. This, says I, is the sort of thing I'm after. +And so of course I thought of you and that wonderful place of yours and +that nice solid impersonality that always wrapped you round and made you +so restful. So I'm coming down. I won't stay with you; find me digs +somewhere--I'm better on my own." + +Ishmael read so far, where the letter ended abruptly; there was, +however, a postscript:--"P.S.--Do you remember Judith Parminter? She +wants a holiday and is coming down with a friend. If Mrs. Penticost is +still in the land of the living you might fix up for them there." + +Ishmael followed out all Killigrew's instructions, but that night he +took the letter over to Boase. It was as though the atmosphere of the +old days re-established by its arrival, the habit of the old days, +claimed him sub-consciously. The Parson read it, but did not comment +beyond the obvious remark that it would all be very pleasant. After +Ishmael had gone he sat and thought for a long while. What struck him +as noteworthy was that Killigrew should have been satiated with the +personal, which he had cultivated so assiduously, at the moment when, or +so it seemed to him, Ishmael, after a life spent for so long in the +impersonal, might be expected to react in exactly the opposite +direction. Ishmael, as he walked home, was only aware that the letter +had stirred him beyond the mere pleasurable expectation of once again +seeing his friend. That one word "ecstasy" had stung him to something +that had long been dormant--the desire to feel life again as something +wonderful, that did not only content but could intoxicate as well. He +was unaware of this revulsion, and was only vaguely surprised that a +queer discontent should mingle with his pleasure. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +PARADISE COTTAGE AGAIN + + +When the train came slowly into the station and clanked to rest with a +long, tired sigh of steam, Ishmael's first search was for Killigrew's +red beard and pale face. While his gaze roved up and down the line of +carriages a couple of women, one of whom seemed to know him, swam into +his range of vision and distracted his attention. + +It was nearly ten years since he had seen Judith Parminter, and he +stared for a moment in bewilderment. Fashion had undergone in those +years one of its rare basic changes. Instead of the swelling curves +which had been wont to encompass women, so that they seemed to float +upon proud waves, skirts had become a species of swaddling clothes +caught back below the knees, whence a series of frills clung tightly +about the feet. Rows of flutings, tuckings and what-not, confounded +simplicity of line, but all the drapery was pulled in a backwards +direction and puffed to a sudden bulkiness behind, so that women looked +as though they were walking in the face of a perpetual wind. On their +heads they were wont to perch delicious little hats, poked forward, in +contradistinction to the trend of the draperies, slanting nosewards and +tilted up in the rear by plaited chignons. + +Of the two women advancing towards Ishmael, the tall dark one, by far +the elder, wore under a black silk jacket a gown of soft red, the +terra-cotta then beginning to be in vogue amidst the artistic elect, but +it was smartly cut, whereas the peacock blue garment of her companion +showed a depressing sloppiness, which was not helped out by the +drooping rows of many-coloured beads which were slung round her throat +or the peacock feathers that trailed from her shovel hat of gauged silk. +This girl, Ishmael saw vaguely, had a pale chubby face like a child, but +the long, dark countenance of the other, lit by a smile of recognition, +was suddenly familiar to him. Only--Judy had become a woman, a thin, +rather sad-looking woman, with a melancholy that was not the old effect +of tragedy for which her monkey-look and the bistre shadows beneath her +eyes had been responsible without any deeper cause. The monkey-look was +there still, but Judy was almost beautiful in spite, or perhaps more +truly because, of it. Ishmael felt her lean, strong hand, ungloved, come +into his. + +"I knew it was you!" exclaimed Judy in the husky voice he remembered. +"You've changed, but only along the lines one would have expected. Mr. +Killigrew can't come--not for a day or two. He told me to tell you he'd +try to get down by the end of the week. May I introduce you to Miss +Georgie Barlow?" + +Another hand was thrust into his, with a sudden _gauche_ movement that +was not without a girlish charm. Ishmael found himself looking at the +pale chubby face, and the only thing he noticed in it was the mouth. +Georgie Barlow stayed in his mind as "the girl with the mouth," as she +frequently did to those who met her even once. She had a wonderful +mouth, and was wont to declare it to be her only feature. It was not +very red, but very tenderly curved, the lips short, flat in modelling +and almost as wide at the ends as the centre, which just saved them from +being a cupid's bow. The corners were deeply indented, tucked in like +those of a child. Not only the lips but the planes of the chin and +cheeks immediately around them were good, very tender in colour and +curves, with the faint blur of fine golden down to soften them still +more. + +Such was Georgie Barlow--a short, rounded little creature, with a bare +neck that was not long but delicate, and surrounded by three "creases of +Venus" like that of a baby. Her rather small but frank blue eyes held a +boyish look that was intensified by the fact that her hair was cut short +after the new fashion in a certain set and brushed almost to her fair +eyebrows in a straight fringe in front, while on the nape of her neck it +curved in little drake's tails of soft brown. The blue beads riding up +her neck ruffled the tails like tiny feathers. + +Both she in her "artistic" way and Judy in her quiet smartness were very +different from the women Ishmael had been seeing of late years--the +dowdy county ladies or Vassie in her splendid flamboyance. He felt oddly +shy with them; the ageing of Judy, so marked and somehow so +unexpected--she had seemed such a child only ten years ago--made him +feel she was as much of a stranger as her little companion, and there +was also about her some new quality he could not but feel, a something +aloof, a little hard, for all her gentleness of manner. He had never +envisaged her as growing into this self-possessed woman, whose most +noticeable quality, had it not been for her aloofness, would have been a +certain worldliness. He felt his dreams of the old time rudely upset. +Killigrew's erratic defection, the altered feeling of Judy, which made +him uncertain even whether to call her by her Christian name as of old +or not, the presence of this oddly-attired girl with the mouth, were all +so different from what he had been expecting. He told himself that when +Killigrew did arrive he also would probably be a different creature from +of old, not knowing that exactly what made Killigrew such a wearing +person to keep up with was that he never changed, only became more +himself. + +Judith was not very illuminating on the subject when he questioned her, +merely answering him with an affirmative when he asked her whether she +had seen a good deal of Killigrew since the old days, and he was forced +to keep company with his curiosity till Killigrew should appear out of +the blue a few days hence. + +Meanwhile, he drove the two ladies to Mrs. Penticost's, Judy saying that +as they had luggage she thought it would be simpler to go straight there +instead of stopping for supper at the Manor. The next day, however, both +were to meet Boase there for tea. + +Meanwhile Ishmael had to relinquish them to the care of Mrs. Penticost +and go back to the Manor, feeling discontented and unable to settle to +anything, while at the same time he was not at all sure he was glad that +Killigrew had ever taken it into his head to come down and send his +harem, as Ishmael annoyedly termed it to himself, before him. Not so +Mrs. Penticost. She still called Judith her lamb, and after folding her +to her portly breast was not likely to feel any tremors when she held +her off to gaze at her. + +"You'm gone through somethen' since I saw 'ee, my dear," she announced +candidly. "There's lines under your pretty eyes that dedn' belong to be +there. I shouldn' wonder if it wasn't the men as had putt en there. +Menfolk are like children--they'm a pack of worry, but the women can't +get along happy wethout en." + +"Well, at least I haven't any children, Mother Penticost," said Judy, +laughing. + +"Aren't married, are you, my dear? Mr. Ruan ded say 'Miss Parminter' to +I when he came about the rooms." + +"No, I'm not married." + +"And why's that?" demanded the direct Mrs. Penticost. "Not because they +haven't asked 'ee, I'll lay. Couldn't 'ee fancy none of en, my dear +sawl?" + +"Not enough for that, apparently." + +"I used to think you and that Killigrew weth his red head and his free +tongue would make a match of it, but I suppose it was not to be.... +Never mind, my dear. We never goes to church weth the first one as takes +our fancy." + +"Oh, I shall never marry!" declared Judith lightly. "By the way, I hear +Mr. Ruan has a beautiful boy, Mrs. Penticost." + +"Aw, dear sawl, so he have. Best thing that flighty little faggot to the +mill ever ded was to make that babe. Children's a deal of trouble, +though, so they are. Some has boys and wants maids, and some has only +maids and provokes the Lard to send en boys, as though there weren't +enough men in the world. No pleasing some folks." + +"They're a trouble that's well worth while, anyway. Children, I mean," +said Judith. + +"Ah! so some of us says as hasn't got en. We can all stand any joys that +come along, but we'd all like to have the choosen' of our troubles," +replied Mrs. Penticost non-committally. + +"I certainly think children must be the nicest troubles one can choose," +remarked Judith. + +"There's many a poor maid that's thought otherwise," responded Mrs. +Penticost. + +"Oh, well, I didn't mean that way ... that's a trouble for the children +too when they grow up ... worse than for the mother. That's why it's +wicked to have them like that. I meant if one were married." + +"It's not all honey then, my dear. Look at Jenny Trewen down to the +church-town. She'm never had naught but boys, and she sticks every +virtue on that maid she always wanted and that never came. 'Twould have +been just the same if it had been the other way on, if you see what I do +mane. 'Tes the babes as never are born that lie nearest to a mother's +heart...." + +"What a terrible theory!" broke in Georgie, swinging her legs as she +sat perched upon the corner of the table. "And according to the same +theory, are the men one never meets the nicest, and the picture one +never paints the finest, and the kiss that never comes off the +sweetest?" + +Mrs. Penticost turned and surveyed her with a kindly tolerance for her +impertinent youth. + +"You'm spaken' truer than you do knaw," she told her. "And truer than +you'll knaw for many a day to come if you'm one of the lucky ones. Now I +suppose you'll be like you always were, Miss Judy, washing the life out +of 'ee weth hot water? The bath's gone up overstairs." + +Judy laughingly got to her feet and went up to her room. She was very +tired; though she was tenacious of constitution, the first elasticity of +youth was gone from her, and she was glad of the warm water, the soft +bed, the light meal of eggs and cocoa that Mrs. Penticost brought her +when she was between the sheets. Ishmael was not the only one who felt a +deadening of the spirit that night, and even on awakening the following +morning. Judith had carried that about with her in her consciousness for +enough years now to recognise the old weight upon her thoughts on +awakening. But Georgie, triumphant, healthy, full of excitement at the +new world that lay beyond the low wall of Paradise Cottage, ran into +Judith's room, the "best" bedroom, the one Blanche Grey had had when the +childish Judy had been wont to come in as Georgie came in to the woman +Judy now. The turn of the wheel struck upon Miss Parminter's mind as she +lay and watched the slim, sturdy young thing perched upon the end of the +bed, her boyish head bare and a ray of morning sun tingeing its soft +brown to a brighter hue and showing up the clearness of her pale matt +skin. + +"I don't think I much like your hero of romance," grumbled Georgie. "He +took precious little notice of either of us, and he looks so surly." + +"He's not my hero," objected Judy, "he's Joe's; and I'm sure he isn't +really surly. I think he was disappointed at not seeing Joe." + +"Well, it was very ungallant of him when we turned up all right. I have +a good mind to flirt outrageously with him to punish him. And when he's +deeply in love with me I shall say 'No, thank you, sir! I've no use for +surly squires, and I've a young man of my own at home.'" + +"Georgie, you're to do nothing of the sort. You know I told you all +about him to make you careful. He was abominably treated by that cat +Blanche, and I won't have it happen again." + +"Well, I don't suppose I shall have a chance. I don't suppose he'll look +at me. I don't think country bumpkins are educated up to my peculiar +style of beauty." And Georgie stroked her ridiculous little nose with an +affectation of content. + +"Thank heaven you aren't a beauty, or there'd be no holding you at all!" + +"That's just where you mistake. If I were really pretty, instead of +having a _petit minois chiffone_ I should be able to sit placidly and +leave it all to my profile. As it is I have to exert myself to charm, +and everyone knows charm is far more fatal to man than mere looks. I am +rather fascinating, aren't I, in spite of my pudding face? What was +Blanche like, Judy? Didn't you see her the other day in town?" + +"Yes, I met her at a Private View," admitted Judy. "She had sort of gone +to pieces, if you know what I mean. I don't suppose it was a sudden +process really, but it came on me suddenly." + +"What did she look like?" + +"As large as life and twice as unnatural. She had lost her 'eye' for +making up, as they say everyone does, and the rouge stood out on the +white powder so that you could see it a mile off. She gushed at me, and +I felt she wasn't meaning a single word she said. She had her husband +with her and introduced him. She even patronised me for not having one. +I didn't say I'd sooner not than have one like hers, because she +wouldn't have believed me, and it would have been rude. But he was a +little wisp of a man--a seedy little clerk. She knew she couldn't carry +off the idea of having made a good match from a worldly point of view, +so she murmured something to me about how beautiful true love was when +it was the 'real thing,' and how she had never known what the meaning of +life was till she met 'Teddie.' Do stop me; I'm being an awful cat! But +that woman aroused all the cat in me; she's such an awful liar, and a +liar is the worst of sinners, because he--or perhaps more generally +she--is so absolutely disintegrating to the whole social fabric." + +"I suppose she must have been very fascinating once upon a time." + +"She was, though, oddly enough, men either hated her or were deeply in +love with her, and as time went on the sort that were in love with her +grew more and more fearful. But it was young girls she attracted most. I +used to think her the most wonderful thing in the world, and I used to +be enraged if I introduced her to anyone and they hated her at sight. If +one's eye for making up gets out as one grows older, one's eye for life +gets a more and more deadly clearness--unless you're like Blanche, when +I suppose you grow more and more incapable of seeing the truth." + +"You think an awful lot about truth, don't you, Judy?" + +"Yes, I do, though I suppose if you knew all about me you'd think it +very inconsistent. Of course I don't mean just 'telling the truth,' as +children say, but the actual worship of truth in our relations with each +other and ourselves. But it's not a counsel of worldly wisdom, so don't +pay any attention to me." + +"But I want to. I admire you ever so," said Georgie girlishly. "I know +that I'm an awful little beast in all sorts of ways, but I would love to +be like you if I could." + +"Heaven forbid!" ejaculated Judy. + +"Well, as much as would suit my style," laughed Georgie. "But tell me, +Judy, what sort of thing d'you call being badly untruthful--the sort +that matters? I'll tell you the sort of thing I do, and I can't help +myself. I hate myself, but I can't stop. You know just before I got +engaged to Val?" + +"Yes?" + +"Well, we were at that house on the river, and Val came down for the +day, and mother knew we were going to get engaged, I suppose; anyway, +she didn't make the usual fuss about being alone, and we went out in the +punt and took lunch to a backwater. I didn't even really think he cared +for me that kind of way; I was only wondering. I'd been washing my hair +when he arrived, and it wasn't quite dry. This was before I cut it off, +you know. And so--I thought I'd take it down and finish drying it...." + +"Go on. I've done that myself," murmured Judith dryly. + +"Well, I was sitting a little in front of him on the bank and a little +bit of my hair blew in his face. I manoeuvred so that it should. Beast +that I am! And later, when I was doing it up again, he handed me the +pins and said, 'Ripping stuff it is, Georgie!' It was the first day he +called me Georgie, and you can't think how often he did it. Why do men +always call hair 'stuff,' I wonder? Well--oh, where was I? Oh, I know. +And then he added, 'It was blowing across my face just now.' And I said, +'Oh, was it? I hope it didn't tickle. Why on earth didn't you tell me?' +And he said, 'I loved it' in a funny sort of fat voice. As though I +hadn't known, and hadn't planned for just that.... I think that's the +sort of thing that makes me hate myself, and yet I can't help it." + +Judith lay silent. She was too used to playing every move in her power +with full knowledge of the effect to blame this child for tampering with +forces which she was blandly innocent of understanding. + +"I don't think that 'mattered,' as you call it," she said at length. +"After all, you're honest with yourself, that's the chief thing. I admit +if you go on being dishonest with others in time it has a deadly +tendency to react on yourself and blur your vision, as it did with +Blanche, but then she was crooked anyway. I shouldn't worry about myself +if I were you, Georgie!" + +"Well, it deceived Val, I suppose," remarked Georgie. + +"Not about anything vital. He loved you already, and you were to find +you loved him. Besides ... with men ... it's not quite the same +thing...." + +Georgie stared at her in round-eyed silence for a moment, struck by a +weary something that was no more old than young, that was eternal, in +Judith's voice. Suddenly the elder girl seemed so much woman as she lay +there--the everlasting feminine, the secret store of the knowledge of +the ages.... Georgie, for all she was newly engaged, felt somehow like a +little girl. Judith's long half-closed eyes met hers, but with no frank +giving in their depths at the moment. She was withdrawn and Georgie felt +it. + +"Well, I must get up," said Judith suddenly. "Clear out and see if you +can hurry Mrs. Penticost over breakfast." + +Georgie went, and Judith slipped out of bed, and going to the window, +examined her face in the clear morning light, lifting her hand-glass at +many angles. + +After her bath she took up the glass again and began with infinite care +to rub in first rouge and then powder. Gradually she became a less +haggard-looking creature and the years seemed to fall away. When she +had done she examined herself anxiously. The dread that her eye would +get "out," as Blanche's had, was upon her. + +Relieved by the scrutiny, she stepped into a soft rose cashmere frock +and buttoned up the long, close-fitting bodice, settled the little +ruffle at the throat, and adjusted with deft fingers the perky folds of +the bustle. "Making-up makes one look so much better that it makes one +feel better," she reflected. She took a final look at herself in the +dimpled glass that gave back her figure in a series of waves and angles, +and suddenly she gave a little half-rueful laugh. She was comparing +herself with the slangy fresh girl downstairs, that product of the new +decade, so different from the generation born only ten years before her. +Judith had spoken to this wholesome, adorably _gauche_ young creature of +truth, while, to maintain the thing that stood to her for light and food +and truth itself, she had, amongst other shifts, to resort even to this +daily paltering with the verities upon her face. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +WHAT NICKY DID + + +Killigrew arrived a couple of days later, and Ishmael drove Georgie over +to meet him. Judith had refused to go and Georgie liked the idea of a +drive. Ishmael was still shy in Georgie's presence, simply because he +had never met anyone in the least like her. He was only a matter of some +thirteen or fourteen years her senior, but that made all the difference +at that period. Ishmael had been born in the midst of the dark, +benighted 'forties; Georgie at the beginning of the 'sixties. He had +grown up before any of the reforms which made modern England; she had +first become intelligently aware of the world at a time when nothing +else was in the air, when even woman was beginning to feel her wings and +be wishful to test them. She was alarmingly modern, the emancipated +young thing who began to blossom forth in the late 'seventies and early +'eighties; she studied painting at an art school, and had announced her +intention to her alarmed but admiring parents of "living her own life." +There was a horrid rumour that she had once been dared to smoke and had +done so. Her aggressively "arty" dress was only the temporary expression +of her fluid and receptive mind feeling and trying for itself. Her +frankness was disconcerting at first, yet somehow very delightful +too.... It made him feel young also; it was as though she were +perpetually telling him things that took him into a conspiracy with her. + +Judy had made him feel old; all the time he was aware of things in her +life of which he was ignorant, and though he had never been intimate +enough with her to mind this, yet it did not tend towards intimacy now. +There was always the knowledge of Blanche and Phoebe between him and +any friendliness with Judith, knowledge of so much he had resolutely put +behind him. But with this careless girl, so untouched and confident, it +was as though it were possible to be the self he felt that he now was +without any drag from that old Ishmael. He knew vaguely that she was +engaged, and this seemed to make intercourse lighter and more jolly. +Every relationship is new, because to no two people is anyone quite the +same, but there was in the first tentative approaches of his +acquaintance with Georgie Barlow a novelty that struck him pleasantly. +He was shy of her only because he was still so ignorant, but he felt no +barriers, rather an overlapping of something they both had in common, +which is the surest herald sometimes of friendship, sometimes of other +things. + +Killigrew arrived with a copy of "Richard Feverel" under one arm and the +first edition of Fitzgerald's "Omar Khayyam" under the other. He exuded +life and enjoyment, and Ishmael wondered what indigestion, mental or +physical could have had him in its grip when he felt that the power of +ecstasy was slipping. Certainly he seemed to bubble with it now, though +it remained to be seen whether what chiefly evoked it were the +impersonal things of life or not. It was impossible to feel any shyness +with him, and even Ishmael soon was talking and feeling curiously +unscathed when Killigrew unabashedly referred to old times, painful and +otherwise. "It is only Joe ..." Ishmael reflected, which was the fatal +leniency that had pursued Killigrew through life. + +Georgie left the two men to spend the evening together and went back to +Paradise Cottage, but before she fell asleep that night she heard a low +murmur of voices outside. She jumped out of bed and ran to the window. +It was a night of bright moonlight, and under the shadow of the +tamarisk hedge she could see Killigrew's darker figure, with its +unmistakably raking poise. Another shadow had just parted from it and +was coming to the door--the figure of Judith. She had been out when +Georgie entered--out for a walk, Mrs. Penticost had said. Georgie +skipped back to bed full of excitement. She had guessed before that Judy +cared about Killigrew, and now, judging by that parting, they were +engaged and everything was to be all right. How thrilling!... She smiled +and dimpled as she met Judy's eye next morning, inviting the +announcement. + +The days went on and Judy did not make it. Only as the lovely spring +days, pale with windy sunlight or soft with fuming mists, slipped by, +Judith blossomed as the rose. But it was a fierce blossoming, a fiery +happiness, that Georgie could not understand. It was not thus that the +nice jolly Val had made her feel. She wondered and she felt a little +hurt that Judy should not confide in her, but as the days went on her +own affairs began to engross her, and she shrugged her sturdy +self-reliant shoulders and told herself that Judy must after all manage +her own affairs. + +It was a wonderful spring, the sweetest time of the year because the +period of promise and not of fulfilment. This spring, in its wine-pale +clarity, its swift shadows, its dewy brightness of flame-green leaf, +seemed to Ishmael to hold the quality of youth as none had done for +years. He and Nicky and Joe Killigrew and the two girls from Paradise +Cottage spent whole days together, for Joe and Judith, though obviously +very intimate, never seemed to wish for solitude. Together they fronted +the winds and the quick showers and the bright rays, saw the rainbow +lift over the dark sea, watched its passionate colour die and the +sunbright foam fade to pearly dimness or break over water turned to +vivid blue. They heard the first bird-notes begin to glorify the +evenings and saw each day the hedges grow richer with pink campion, with +pale drifts of primroses and the blue clusters of the dog-violets. The +blackthorn began to show a breaking of pale blossom upon its branches +and the hawthorn to vie with it. + +Once upon the cliff, Ishmael, walking with Georgie, came on a patch of +the most exquisite of spring flowers, the vernal squill. Georgie clapped +her hands for joy at sight of the delicate blue blossoms, but Ishmael, +lying beside them, buried his face in their rain-washed petals and drew +a deep breath of that scent which is like the memory of may-blossom. + +As he breathed in the fragrance it seemed to him for one flashing second +as though the years fell away, that he was again young in mind as he +still felt in body; and for a flash, as on that long-ago evening in +Cloom fields when they had cried the Neck and in the parlour that first +day at St. Renny, time stood still and everything around the one point +where consciousness was poised ceased to be. Youth, spring, and ecstasy +itself were in that breath. Ecstasy, the unphilosophic stone which alone +transmutes to the semblance of gold ... which alone does not ask what +will come next, what has led so far, or where lies actual worth; ecstasy +which is sufficient in itself.... Even thus had he felt when he had +known that Nicky was to come to him, only then the flood-tide of emotion +had been set outwards, while this seemed to beat back and intensify the +sense of self. + +It was Nicky who broke through this moment now, clamouring in his turn +to be allowed access to the patch of blue that so excited the grown-ups, +and who then proceeded to rub his brown fists in it and tear the +delicate little flowers up before anyone could stop him. Indeed, after +the first moment Ishmael did not try. He sat watching until Nicky, with +all the uncontrolled excitement of highly-strung children who so often +lose their heads and do things for which they suffer agonies in the +watches of the night for long afterwards, was shouting and tearing at +the flowers and throwing them over Georgie and drawing attention to +himself by every extravagance his child's brain could light upon. + +"Look at me, Georgie; look at me!" he cried, pulling a bunch of the +flowers through his buttonhole and jumping up on a boulder that thrust +itself through the turfy cliffside; "I'm the King of the Castle, I'm the +King of the Castle!..." Georgie threw a few bits of grass at him and +then turned to go on with an argument she had been having with Ishmael +when the sight of the vernal squills had distracted them. Nicky would +not leave them alone; determined not to be ignored, he went on pelting +her and kept up his monotonous chant: "I'm the King of the Castle, I'm +the King of the Castle...." + +"Don't do that," said Ishmael sharply. "Do you hear me, Nicky? Leave +off!" But Nicky went on, and, finding no notice was being taken of him, +he flung a frond of bracken, then, losing his temper, a clod of earth +and turf he dug up from the ground. It hit Georgie on the cheek and +scattered against her; a tiny fragment of stone in it cut her skin +slightly, so that a thin thread of blood sprang out. Nicky felt suddenly +very frightened. He kept up his song, but his note had altered, and as +Ishmael got to his feet his voice died away. + +"Don't be angry with him," said Georgie quickly. "He didn't do it on +purpose." + +She felt the embarrassment one is apt to feel at a display of authority +over some third person. She looked at Ishmael as though it were she he +was angry with, and felt a ridiculous kinship with Nicky. The little boy +stood away from them both, defiant, scowling from below his fair brows, +his small chest heaving, his nervous eyes sidelong. He was frightened, +therefore all the more likely to make matters worse by rudeness. Ishmael +was, unreasonably, more annoyed than he had ever been with Nicky, who +had often been far more disobedient and in more of a temper. Ishmael +picked him up and held him firmly for all his wriggling. Nicky yelled +and screamed; his small face was scarlet with fear and passion; he +drummed with his heels against his father's legs and hit out with his +pathetically useless fists. Ishmael swung him under his arm. + +"Please--" began Georgie. + +"I am going to take him home," said Ishmael. "You had better not come. +You'll find the others at the foot of the cliff, you know." He went on +up over the brow of the cliff, carrying the screaming, struggling Nicky +with the terrible ease of a grown-up coping with a child. Georgie +remained sitting where she was for a few moments till the exhausted +screams of Nicky died in the distance. + +Ishmael's annoyance had not abated when they reached Cloom, though by +now his arm had tired somewhat, and Nicky, sobbing angrily, walked +beside him, firmly led by the hand. Ishmael took him up to the little +room over the porch which was Nicky's own and there administered a +whipping for the first time. Nicky was too exhausted to scream by then, +but his anger grew deeper. He was aware that his father had often passed +over worse actions, and that it was not so much his, Nicky's, +disobedience in the matter of throwing things at Georgie which was the +trouble as some mood of his father's which he had come up against. He +resented the knowledge and burned with his resentment. When Ishmael, +suddenly sorry, stayed his by no means heavy hand and stood the child +between his knees, Nicky would not face his look, but stood with tightly +shut eyes and set mouth. Ishmael thought it was shame at his punishment +which sealed Nicky's eyes; he knew what agonies it would have occasioned +him at that age, and he felt sorrier still. But Nicky never felt shame; +he could extract a compensating excitement from every untoward event, +and at the present moment he was making a luxury of his rage. + +Ishmael tried to get some expression of contrition from the child, but +vainly, and at length he left him, safely shut in. He was very puzzled +as he went and smoked in the garden below. He would not go out on to the +cliff again lest Nicky should be up to any dangerous pranks in his room +or have another screaming fit. For the first time it was brought home to +him how terribly children differ from the children that their parents +were.... Nothing he remembered, be it never so vivid, about himself, +helped him to follow Nicky. He would never have drawn attention to +himself as Nicky constantly did; he would not have dared--his +self-conscious diffidence would not have let him. He had had fits of +losing his head, but more quietly, often in his imagination alone. He +did not see that the self-consciousness of childhood was at the bottom +of both his youthful reserve and Nicky's ebullitions. That his own pride +had been his dominating factor, forbidding him to enter into contests +where he was bound to be worsted, and that for Nicky pride did not exist +in comparison with the luxury of spreading himself and his feelings over +the widest possible area with the greatest possible noise, made the +difference between them so marked that Ishmael could see nothing else. +Nicky had inherited from older sources, he reflected, a flamboyance such +as Vassie and Archelaus and, in his underhand way, even Tom possessed, +but that had missed himself. + +Killigrew and the others were coming over to supper, and the Parson also +was expected. Ishmael judged that Nicky had had enough excitement for +one day, and so, though not as any further punishment, sent him to bed +with a supper-tray instead of letting him come down. He recounted the +afternoon's happenings at supper and confessed himself hopelessly +puzzled. + +"I don't understand the workings of his mind," he admitted; "when I took +him up his supper he seemed quite different from the half-an-hour +earlier when I'd been up. He'd--it's difficult to describe it--but it +was as though he'd adjusted the whole incident in his own mind to what +he wanted it to be. He greeted me with a sort of forgiving and yet +chastened dignity that made me nearly howl with laughter. He sat up +there in his bed as though he were upon a throne and expecting me to beg +for pardon, or, rather, as though he knew I wouldn't, but he had the +happy consciousness that I ought to. It was confoundingly annoying. I +asked him whether he wanted to see Miss Barlow to say good-night--you +know the passionate devotion he's had for her of late--and all he said +was, 'No, thank you; he didn't think he could trust himself to speak to +her just yet!' I said, 'Don't be a little idiot,' and he only smiled in +a long-suffering manner, and I came away feeling squashed by my own +small son." + +"He sounds as though he were going to suffer from what is called the +artistic temperament," observed the Parson. + +"Let's hope not," chimed in Killigrew, "because the so-called artistic +temperament is never found among the people who do things, but only in +the lookers-on. The actual creators don't suffer from it." + +"It depends what one means by the artistic temperament," said Judy +rather soberly. "If you mean the untidy emotional sort of people who +excuse everything by saying they have the artistic temperament, I agree +with you. That's what the Philistine thinks it is, of course." + +"Oh, the real thing, the thing that creates, is nothing in the world but +a fusion of sex," said Killigrew swiftly. "It gives to the man intuition +and to the woman creativeness--it adds a sixth sense, feminising the +man and giving the woman what is generally a masculine attribute. But +that's not what the Padre means. He's using the word in its accepted +derogatory sense." + +"I don't think he is quite, either," said Judy. "I think what you mean +is more the deadly literary sense, isn't it, Padre?--the thing some +people are cursed with, the voice that gets up and lies down with them, +that keeps up a running commentary on whatever they do. The creative +people can suffer from that." + +"You mean the thing I always had as a youngster," said Killigrew. "If I +went fishing I used to hear something like this: 'The boy slipped to the +bank with the swift sureness of a young animal, and sat with long brown +legs in the water while his skilful fingers fixed the bait on the +hook.'" + +"That's the sort of thing," said Judith. "It's deadly dangerous." + +"Don't you think I've grown out of it, then?" asked Killigrew quickly, +but with a laugh. Judy did not reply, but turned to Ishmael. + +"Don't you know at all what I mean?" she asked. "You must have had +moments like that--every child has. Some people let it grow into a +habit--that's what's fatal." + +Ishmael thought it over. "Yes," he admitted. "I can remember whole +tracks of thought like that in my childhood, but I think I recognised +the danger and made myself alter." + +"I'm sure you didn't suffer from it," declared Boase. "I knew you very +thoroughly, Ishmael, and you were reserved and inarticulate; you never +acted for effect." He felt startled, as though a sudden gap had yawned +in the dear past; it did not seem to him possible, or only as the +grotesque possibility of a nightmare, that the boy Ishmael should have +held tendencies, trends of thought, which he had not realised.... + +Later came a message from Nicky that he would like Miss Parminter to +come up and say good-night to him. They all laughed at the masculine +tactics adopted thus early, but Judith went upstairs. + +Later, when the others were thinking of going, Ishmael went up for her. +She was kneeling by the bed, a dark figure in the dim room. Nicky was +asleep, one arm still flung round her shoulder: she held hers lightly +across him; her head was bowed upon the sheet. Ishmael hesitated a +moment, struck by something of abandon in her pose. Then he touched her +lightly on the shoulder. She started and looked up. + +"Oh, it's you!" she said, peering at him through the darkness. "How you +startled me!" + +"The others are going," said Ishmael. "It's been good of you to stay up +here. How long's the little chap been asleep?" + +"Oh, ages! He's so sweet, I couldn't go downstairs to the lamp and all +of them somehow. So small and soft.... You are lucky, Ishmael." + +"Am I?" said he, rather taken aback. "I hadn't thought of myself in that +light. But I know what you mean ... about Nicky." + +They left the room together, but Judy cloaked herself in the passage and +would not go again into the brightly-lit room. The Parson and Killigrew +saw the two girls home, but Georgie and Boase reached the cottage first, +and Georgie fell asleep while she was sitting up in bed waiting, +scandalised, in spite of her modernity, for the return of Judith. + +Nicky, sleeping peacefully in his little bed, had much to answer for +that day. He had shown the startled Ishmael the gap that lies between +two generations, whatever the tie of blood and affection; he had shown +him too, by his anger at being torn out of it, that he could still have +a mood of clamour for some thrill almost forgotten, some ecstasy he had +thought dead ... and he had sent Judy, trembling, eager, as not for many +months past, to the arms of the lover who could be so careless of her, +but whom, when she chose, she could still stir to a degree no other +woman had ever quite attained. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +JUDITH'S WHITE NIGHT + + +When Judith came in during the young dark hours of that morning, she +could not sleep, and for a time she busied herself trying to remove the +creases and dew-stains from her gown. Then she sat long by the window +before she went to bed and laid the head that a few hours ago had known +a sweet-smelling bracken pillow against the linen that could not cool +her burning cheek. + +She was suffering as she invariably did every time she gave the lover's +gift to Killigrew; and always she paid for the joy of yielding with +hours of reaction. She was wont to live over again in the drear spaces +of time the history of her life since she had known him, and it was the +history of her love for him and of very little else. Now as she lay, +spent but wakeful, sick at heart and soul, she saw again the self that +had stayed in this house when first she grew to know him. How little she +had imagined then, in her pride and poise.... That was what stung her on +looking back--how little she had guessed. If before her then had been +flashed the vision of herself as his secret lover, how impossible she +would have thought it. Surely, having come to it, having lived in it now +for so long, she ought to be able to see how and exactly when the step +had been taken which had brought her to it, which had so altered herself +and her views as to make it possible? Yet, looking back, she could see +no such one point between the self to whom it would have been impossible +and the self to whom it was an acknowledged thing of long standing. If +life consisted of sudden steps, how easily could they be avoided, she +thought, as she went again through the bitter waters to which she had +never succeeded in growing indifferent. It was these gradual slopes.... +She could not even say, "It was that moment I first knew I loved him." + +She lay, her brow pressed against the pillow, and saw again the +Killigrew and the Judy of those early days at Cloom when she had been +staying with Blanche, taken down there almost unwillingly, certainly +against the wishes of her people, who had not shared her enthusiasm for +Miss Grey. She had liked Killigrew at once; his odd, whimsical, slanting +way of looking at life had appealed to the clever young girl whose +intellect had developed in front of her emotional capacities. It was her +brain that had charmed him, more than her uncertain beauty; in those +early days her personality had been so strong and her beauty still so +hidden beneath its eccentricities, which later had added to it. All the +time Ishmael had been so deeply in love with Blanche she and Killigrew +had been getting more intimate, and yet there was "nothing in it" then. + +When had it begun? Surely on that long train journey up to town there had +been a new note, a feeling of something there had not been before ... +partly because Blanche had left them at Exeter to make a cross-country +connection, and she and he had had those first few hours of an enclosed +intimacy they had not had before--in the train. What a queer, stuffy +background ... hardly unromantic, though, when you thought of all trains +stood for and had seen! She had examined rather anxiously into her own +feelings that night at home, she remembered, because she knew Killigrew's +views on marriage as the most unsatisfactory and immoral of states, and +she did not wish to suffer. She was not given to self-pity, and it never +struck her that there was some pathos in that careful wish to avoid +suffering formed by one so young, who had already borne an unhappy +girlhood with a mother who drugged and a stepfather who dared not show +his affection for her for fear of his wife's jealousy. The kind, weak +little man had died and left her a few hundreds a year; she was always +grateful to him for that, and forgave him for not standing between her +and her mother as he might have done. Those hundreds had saved her from +any question of taking money from Killigrew. Her poems would not have +kept her--that she knew. Also she had never done as well as in that first +slim book when she had known nothing of life at all. Real experience had +bitten too deep for transmission to paper. + +When he came back from Paris, a year after the time at Cloom, he had +written to her and she had met him. Then it had all come out--all about +her wretched home and her mother--and they had met again and again. +Killigrew could not bear the thought of suffering, and he had tried to +make up to her by taking her out as much as he could--not alone, for +that was impossible in those days, but always with such others as merely +formed a pleasant negative background. Between them from the first of +those days in London was a consciousness of being man and woman there +had not been for her at Cloom, though he now told her she had always +disturbed him, that there was for him a something profoundly troubling +in her slim sexless body, her burning mind, her quaint little sureness +of poise which never let her lose her sense of proportion. That had so +appealed to him ... never from her had he heard the talk of women, that +love was the greatest thing in the world, or that any one person could +matter more than all the many other things put together. She had thought +with him that life was far otherwise--made up of many things, a +pattern.... And yet it was she who, though in theory keeping all those +ideas, had lived and suffered only for the one thing, had her horizon +narrowed to his figure. All the time she told herself it was a distorted +view, but that did not prevent her suffering; it only enabled her to be +aware that it mattered very little whether she suffered or not. + +They had gone on meeting, and soon it was a recognised thing that he +should kiss her who had never even let herself so much as be kissed at a +dance. But this was different, she told herself--he kissed her so +kindly. His kisses altered, but still she bore them, dimly aware of +portent in them, but trying, with a woman's guile, to laugh them off by +seeming to keep a child's uncomprehension of what they meant. Then she +had had a bad time to undergo during her mother's lingering illness and +death, before she could take her freedom. Her mother left her nothing, +but she had the kind little man's small income. She had been worn out by +the time everything was over; and owing to her mother's complaint, which +had made it impossible to have visitors at the house, and to her +jealousy, which had prevented Judy making many friends for herself +outside, she knew no one with whom she was intimate enough to ask for +advice and help. Killigrew had taken charge of her and been goodness +itself. + +He kept clear always of the actual words and forms of love-making. He +was very fastidious and hated anything that went to vulgarise his +relationships, and would not spoil his genuine affection and intimacy +and passion for her or any other woman for whom he felt them by using +shibboleths that did not express what he really meant. + +He took her away up to a quiet mountain country in Wales, and all the +weeks he looked after her there never showed any more passion than the +kisses and close embraces she was now used to, and those not often. He +was not only not ever an inconsiderate lover, but he was too much of an +epicure to take too much or too often even when he could. He left her +once or twice in those weeks to go to town, and she knew be saw other +women there, and the knowledge meant very little to her. Already she +was loving him more deeply than she knew and understanding him more +deeply still, and she knew jealousy would be the end of everything. If +she had begun to be jealous, it would have been so deadly, she would +have had so much to be jealous of, that she never dared let herself +indulge in it. + +She had her reward when he once told her she was the only woman who had +never once asked him where he had been or whom he had been with. She was +so happy in the pain this self-repression gave her she hardly thought +how much happier she could have been had there been no need for it. If +that had been the case he would have been entirely different from what +he was, and then perhaps she would not have loved him at all. + +The time in Wales was not spoilt by anything that made her unable to +face her own mind; never did his arms or lips encroach; she came back +still feeling she belonged to herself--still clinging to that physical +possession of self because she was now aware that her peace of soul was +gone into his keeping where it would have no rest again. + +After that her true pain began. Sometimes on looking back she wondered +how she could have lived through it so often--for of course it was not +always at the same pitch. No pain or love or appreciation ever can be. +There were whole months when she managed to do very well without him, +when he was abroad and she too, perhaps, went on the Continent to some +other far-off place and found things in which to interest herself. She +belonged to the semi-artistic circle in which alone it was possible in +those days to have any liberty of action, and she had the artist's keen +appreciation of the externals of life; and when the personal failed her +there were always things. But when the pain was at its worst things +failed her. + +Bad times when a letter from him, written because he happened to be in +the mood to write and wanted an answer which, though she knew his mood +would have passed by the time he received it, yet she would not be able +to prevent herself writing.... Times after he had been to see her, +either on a flying visit, or to be near her for several days, taking her +about and spoiling her delightfully.... After they were over came a +bitterness that would make her moan out loud to herself, "It isn't worth +it ... it isn't worth it...." And she would welcome the next few days +when they came as thirstily as she had the last. + +Only the fact that she had a naturally strong will, made stronger by +youthful years of self-repression, and that he never wished from a woman +what she did not want to give, kept her so long not his lover in body as +she was in heart and mind. Looking back, she marvelled at the length of +time she had withstood her own heart. Not her senses; they had not +entered into the affair for her at that time. She actually loved him too +well, and was too unawakened physically, to feel the promptings of the +pulses. She felt in him, for him, by him, so intensely it sometimes +seemed to her she must be fused with him. She could have burned away +into his being and ceased to have a separate existence if the passionate +fusing of the mind could have accomplished it. + +For three years she loved and suffered. She saw him always several times +a year, was with him during those times, and he never lied to her about +what he felt. He never told her she was the "only woman in the world for +him" and that he could not live without her. He never mentioned other +women to her, except such of his friends as she had met and of those she +never knew, except in so far as her own intuition told her, which were +only friends, which mingled the give and take of passion with the cooler +draught. On the other hand, he never hid his passion when he felt it for +her, and he always showed his affection and care of her when in the +pleasant spaces between passion. He could not but know she was aware +that he would be glad if one day she gave him more; meanwhile he did not +make her hate herself and him with actions that would have excited +without satisfying. He was the perfect companion, or would have been if +she had not loved him. + +For three years she never told him that she did; she met his kisses only +with frank affection, and though she felt no urge of passion in herself +to teach her lips, yet she began to feel that which would have made her +more the eager one, and less the kissed, as she always sternly kept +herself. For these three years she did not imagine he lived a chaste +existence; there was no reason, with his pagan and quite genuine +convictions, why he should. Fidelity in so far as it meant keeping to +one person was to him foolishness. In so far as it meant loyalty of +affection and absolute honesty he was faithful to everyone. + +At the end of the three years she had become aware that things were +different ... at first she could not say how. Then she slowly saw that +unless she gave more, made herself more to him, she would become less. + +He made no demands on her; he would have resented the idea of possessing +a woman as much as that of any woman possessing him--freedom to him was +the salt of every dish. Judy told him sometimes that he made the +marriage service of too great importance, just as much as did the +advocates of it, though in a different way. They thought there ought to +be no love outside it; he thought there could be none within-it. To her +mind, which always went for the essentials and left the trappings alone, +the actual legal compact would not have mattered either way. That was +what her instinct, which in her was as nicely balanced as reason, told +her. But there was a side of her, as was inevitable, which was the child +of her period and upbringing, and that side had never been talked over +by Killigrew's philosophy, with the result that when she gave him +everything she suffered in her conscience as well as in her heart. She +had suffered ever since. Truth was with her a passion, and yet she had +to pretend to the world. She suffered acutely when with girls of her own +age, because she felt unfit to be with them. Often, with Georgie, who +had not half her fineness, she would feel she ought not to be sitting +talking to her or letting her come and stay in the same house. She +suffered sometimes from a morbid wish to tell the world what she really +was. And yet, as she told herself sometimes, if suffering can purge, +surely she was clean enough.... + +She had never breathed the word "marriage" to Killigrew, who had no +reason for knowing she was not as happy as himself in what was too +spontaneous and delightful even to be called an arrangement. It had been +a "success"; the life they had lived since Judy had let him know he +could take her as he wished. Killigrew would as soon have married as +have installed a woman as his mistress; the freedom of a _union libre_ +held no illusions for him. Yet to do him justice it was even more that +he would have hated to have their relationship spoiled by anything so +hard-and-fast. They met as before, went for wonderful holidays together, +and if she knew he was "fitting her in," she was too wonderfully +poignantly happy when with him, too satisfied in every fibre of her +nature, to think of it; while afterwards, if she had allowed herself to +dwell on it--beyond the one or two days of acute suffering that would +follow upon every time--she would have died, in heart and mind, if not +in body, of the pain. + +Sometimes, when she was either very happy with him or drowning in the +bitter aftermath, she would lie pretending to herself as a child does. +These imaginings always took the same form, and on this night at +Paradise she began the old childish-womanly game again when she saw +sleep would not come. + +The pretence was that she was going to have a baby. In her heart of +hearts she knew she wanted Killigrew to marry her, or rather to want to +marry her. With all her knowledge of him she could not quite come to the +belief that she could not make him happy if he were married to her.... +Perhaps if she were going to have a baby, he would want to. He would +not; but he would have done it as soon as he saw she really wanted it, +though without seeing the necessity, which would not have existed in a +world constructed on his plan. Still, she knew he would do it, given the +right circumstances; also she knew he had the deep love for children +derived from a Jewish strain in his family. With that baby he would come +to a fuller love of her than ever before; its advent would surely give +him what even she admitted he lacked. + +She lay now, picturing it to herself and planning a cunningly-laid +deceit by which she should appear a lovely and noble figure in his eyes. +She would have a very "bad time," of course, or somehow the thing would +lose significance, and she would ask, nay implore, the doctor to promise +her, if he could only save either the child or herself, to let it be the +child. And Joe would hear of it and know that it was because he wanted a +child so much.... She might pretend to be delirious and murmur that he +wanted the child so much more than he did her.... He would be in the +room and hear her and she would pretend not to know it.... + +Thus Judy, luxuriating in the darkness, knowing in her clear brain that +looked on so unswayed by her passionate weary heart, that Killigrew, for +all his instinct for children, did not want them in the concrete, that +if she bore him one he would love her just as much as he did now and no +more. That he would love her as much even while she was carrying it she +believed, and rightly, for he was too natural a man himself ever to +think nature ugly. + +Judy lay imagining ... imagining ... and she thought of Nicky's firm, +soft little body, and how it had felt to her hungry hands and tried to +feel it all over again in her bed and imagine it belonged to her and +Joe. And she saw the cold, pale dawn come in, and her dream shivered and +fled before it, and she was left with only her bitter knowledge that it +would never happen, and if it did, not that way. And she wished with a +futile frenzy of longing that she had never chosen to keep Killigrew by +giving him her whole self in fee, but by refusing herself to him had +been able to leave him and live down the hold he had on her soul and +mind which had grown to such strength in those first three years. Her +first fear when she gave him everything had been lest attainment should +dull even that want he had of her, but she found he had spoken truth +when he said that that was a quality which grew with having. For fewer +men are bored with satiety than kept by a custom that becomes necessity, +and his habit for her would in itself be an attraction for him. But +Killigrew, for all his cleverness, was not the man to know, if any could +have, how passionate her withholding had been, how passionless was her +surrender. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +LONE TRAILS + + +So much of mental passion could be lived through upon one side of a wall +and on the other Georgie wake fresh and unknowing of it all, stretch a +moment, wonder as to what time Judy had come in, tip-toe to her room and +peep, to see a sleeping face so pale and haggard that she withdrew, +suddenly sorry, she did not quite know why. Judy could look old ... she +reflected. Georgie herself felt a lilting sense of interest in this day +which she had not hitherto during her stay at Paradise Cottage. Nothing +had happened, and yet somehow she felt different. It was not even that +she had had a letter from Val, for he had written two days ago, and so +she would not hear again for several days, a ready pen not being his. +And she was beginning to be guiltily conscious that she did not enjoy +getting his letters; they seemed somehow to disrupt atmosphere instead +of creating it. Everything was different from that day on the river when +Val had told her he loved her and it had all seemed so simple. She had +accepted him then because she was so fond of him, and she knew everyone +would be pleased, and also she was pleased herself. He was so young and +jolly, and they had always fitted so well, though in his music--he was +by way of being a young composer--he was out of her depth. + +They fitted too well; since their engagement Georgie, feeling it lacked +excitement and being both very young and a woman, and therefore an +experimentalist, had tried to get up little scenes so as to have +quarrels and reconciliations. She would do things which she had first +got him to say he did not like; then she defied him, only to meet with +an ineffectual annoyance on his part. When after each scene she gave +way, as she had meant to do all along, she knew in her heart that it was +because she chose to submit, not because he had the strength to compel +her. He was too young and inexperienced to see that she was young enough +to be craving for a master, while at the same time he was old enough to +want peace and mutual consideration. He would have been shocked at the +idea of using brutality to her, and brutality was what Georgie, without +recognising it, wanted. + +She shook herself impatiently now as the thought of Val came to her +when, turning over her handkerchiefs to choose a clean one, she came +upon his last letter. Dear old Val! ... but he had no part in this +clear, pale spring day and all it was going to hold. + +She checked herself as she was bursting into song in her bath because +she thought of tired-looking Judy still asleep in the next room, but +something in her went on singing to meet this new fine day. She had her +breakfast in solitary state, because Mrs. Penticost would neither let +her wait nor Judy be disturbed, and then she flung a coat over her +"Fishwife" dress and went out into the morning. She went over to Cloom +to see whether Nicky had forgiven her and would sit for his portrait as +usual. + +Thinking of Nicky made her think of Ishmael, and she went over again in +her mind what he had looked like when he had been so angry yesterday. +She had seen a new Ishmael then, a more interesting one; she was vaguely +aware of liking him better than before. Perhaps it might be rather fun +to see if she could make him angry. Probably he would only be really +angry with anyone he cared for, and of course he didn't care for her at +all. Georgie pondered that point as she went. She was honest and sweet, +but she was an arrant little flirt, and Val was not the first man who +had kissed her. She never pretended anything to herself, but she could +pretend things to other people. She was too vital to be vulgar, but she +was also too vital to be quite well-bred, and often her methods were +startling, as for her age and period she cared remarkably little what +she said. She would try and wake Ishmael up; it would do him good. For +all her plainness of actual feature, if that wonderful mouth were +excepted, no one knew better than Georgie that she had _beaute de +diable_, and the sheer impudent vitality of her swept nearly every man +off his feet if she wished it to. "Me, m'dear?" she would protest to +Judy or any friend who pointed this out to her. "Most hideous female, +m'dear. Face like a pudding." Here she would puff out her cheeks and +hold them distended till her soft infectious laughter made them +collapse. "Everyone's kind to me, because I'm so plain they're sorry for +me...." + +Privately she considered she knew everything in the world there was to +know about men. In reality she knew very little, placing as much too +much importance on sex as Judy placed too little. + +Arrived at the Manor, she found that Nicky had disappeared, after an +annoying and rather alarming habit of his, and was not expected back, by +those who knew his roving ways, till the evening. Ishmael informed her +of this with rather a rueful smile. + +"He's always had these wild fits ever since he's been big enough to go +off on his own," he told her; "and he steals something out of the +larder, or if he can't do that he just trusts to his eyes and tongue +when he meets some kind good lady, and he scours the countryside till +late. The worst of it is I shan't be able to do anything to him when he +turns up this evening, because he'll pretend he ran away because he was +so afraid of me after yesterday." + +"Are you so terrifying?" said Georgie, peeping up at him from under her +shady hat. + +"Not at all. I am a very easily-led person." + +Georgie considered this, her head on one side. Then she said briskly: +"Then will you please help me take my sketching things somewhere, as I +can't get on with the portrait? After all, it's a bit your fault, isn't +it? You should have brought your son up better." + +"Of course, I'll take them anywhere you like," said Ishmael; "where +shall it be?" + +Thus it came about that Killigrew and Judy, a couple of hours later, +coming to the plateau, found Georgie there, busy over a sketch of +Ishmael in profile, with his head telling dark against the grey sunlit +cliff wall, because Georgie said it was easier to paint dark against +light. She was really working in her vivid, effective way, and Killigrew +found little to criticise. + +Judy was no longer looking tired. Joe had met her perfectly, holding her +away and looking into her eyes in the whimsical tender way he had as +though he were saying: "It's absurd, isn't it, to make out what we did +together is of any importance, and yet as long as we're human beings we +can't help feeling it's wonderful ..." and he had thanked her, hardly in +words, for the hours of the night before, though there had been words +too, as she had buried her head against him. With that and her usual +careful aids to beauty Judy was glowing, and though there was never a +shade of possessiveness in her manner towards Killigrew, yet this +morning there was so much of confidence and possession of herself that +it almost amounted to the same thing when she made her appearance by his +side. + +Georgie declared a rest when the two of them appeared, and Ishmael also +came to look at what she had been doing. He was standing a little behind +her and looking down, not so much at the painting as at the back of her +bent neck, where the absurd little drake's tails curved against the +skin, so white in the sunshine. One ear was rosy where the light shone +through it, and behind it lay a soft blue crescent of shadow. + +As he looked that odd something occurred to Ishmael which suddenly puts +a person in a new light--the slipping of the plane, the freakish turn of +the kaleidoscope which makes the new light strike at a fresh angle +something seen before and makes it different. He fell in love with +Georgie in that moment, staring at her bent neck and the curve of her +ear. + +All day a delightful exaltation possessed him; he was not yet at the +stage when a man is plagued with doubts of success or advisability; he +was only tingling with a new delight. He helped her along any rough +place when they all walked over to the Vicarage to tea with a joy he had +not felt the day before, and he did not even know how irrational it all +was. + +At tea the conversation turned on different types of men, and Killigrew +held forth on what he held to be the only true and vital classification. + +"The only division in mankind is the same as the only division in the +animal world, of course," he said. + +"What is that?" asked the Parson. "Wild and tame?" + +"No; it is the division between the animal who goes with the pack and +him who hunts a solitary trail. The bee is kin to the wolf because both +are subject to a community-life with strict laws. The bee is nearer of +kin to the wolf than it is to the butterfly, which lives to itself +alone. The fox, who hunts and is harried as a solitary, is further +removed from his brother the wolf than he is from the wild cat, who has +like habits to himself. My natural history may be wrong, but you see the +theory!" + +"And you carry that into the world of man?" said Judith lightly. In her +heart was a sick pain and anger, and the brightness of the day had fled +for her; with his few careless words Killigrew had re-created all the +old atmosphere of depression, of--"It's no good, I know he's as he is, +and that nothing I can do or that happens to me will ever make him any +different...." + +"Certainly it is the great division. Between the born adventurer and the +community-man there is a far greater gulf fixed than between the former +and an eagle or the latter and a cony. Lone trail or circumscribed +hearth--between these lies the only incompatibility." + +"There is a good deal in your theory," said Boase, "but it goes too much +for externals. The home-keeping man may be the one with the free spirit +and the wanderer the man who cannot get away from habits that tie him to +other people wherever he goes." + +"Sounds like a perambulating bigamist," said Killigrew, laughing. "But +you're right as usual, Padre, and go to the heart of it while I'm being +merely superficial. According to my division your brother Archelaus is a +fox and an eagle and all the other lone things right enough, isn't he, +Ishmael?" + +"Yes," said Ishmael slowly, "I think he is." + +"Whereas you are the bee, the wolf, the cony," declared Killigrew. +"Isn't he, Padre?" + +Boase smiled. "Shall I tell you what I think, Joe?" he answered, "It is +this. Ishmael is by circumstances and inclination a dweller in one spot, +and custom and humanity incline him to tie himself always more closely +to it and the people in it. But man is not as simple as your animals, +and in most of us is something alien, some strain of other instincts. +The man who lives intimately on one piece of earth may have a deep +instinct in spite, perhaps because, of it, to keep himself free and to +resent claims even while he acknowledges them. Just as a man who is free +to go where he likes, as you do, may carry his own chains with him. For +the only slavery is to oneself, and it is the man who flows inwards +instead of outwards who is not free." + +"I wonder ..." said Killigrew. + +"The real flaw in your argument, Joe," said Ishmael, "is that your lone +hunter in the animal world always has his mate and his young, whereas +when you make the division apply to mankind you class all that with the +herd and deny it to the man who would be free." + +"Because that's how it translates into terms of humanity," said +Killigrew swiftly. "Civilisation has made the taking of a mate a bond as +firm as pack-law, and woe to him who, having yielded to it, transgresses +it. It is not I who have made that division, it is the world." + +"He might have spared me this to-night ..." thought Judith. + +Ishmael kept silence. He was thinking of the truth of what Killigrew had +been saying, and weighing it against this new flame that had sprung up +within him that day. Freedom--loneliness is the price paid for liberty, +he knew that. And he had found loneliness sweet, or, when not actually +that, at least very bearable. Yet even as he thought it he knew for him +there was, as ever, at any crisis of his life, only the one way. He had +that directness which, though seeing all ways--for it is not the same +thing as simplicity--yet never doubted as to the only one possible for +himself. On that long-ago day on the cliffs near St. Renny, when he had +played with the notion of running away to sea, he had known all along in +his heart that that way was not for him. When, to other natures, a +struggle might have arisen between staying on at Cloom, carrying out his +work there, and taking Blanche into the life she would have shared with +him, the point had not even arisen for him. During the turmoil of mind +and body that the break with her had left to him his victory over +himself had never really been in doubt. When the passion in him had +met, as he could now see it had, the same feeling in Phoebe and he had +been swept into that disaster, release had not appeared to him even a +possibility. The new duties that had devolved on him since he had been +free again all seemed to come quite naturally, without being sought by +him, or even imagined until they floated into his horizon. So now this +new thing had come upon him, and, wiser than he had been when he loved +Blanche, wiser than when he had married Phoebe, he saw it +glamour-enwrapped, yet he recognised the glamour. That he would marry +Georgie if he could he was fairly certain, but that there was, as ever, +the something in him which resented it, this mingling of himself with +another human being, this passionate inroad on spaces which can +otherwise be kept free even of self, he knew too. Acute personal +relationships with others makes for acute accentuation of self, and that +was what, at the root of the matter, Ishmael always resented and feared. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +WAYS OF LOVE + + +A week later Boase said Evensong, as far as he was aware, to the usual +emptiness, but when he went down the church afterwards to lock it up he +saw a kneeling figure crouching in a dim corner. He went closer and saw +that it was Judith--there was no mistaking that slim, graceful back and +the heavy knot of dark hair. Her shoulders were very still and she was +making no sound, so it was a shock to Boase when, on his touching her, +she glanced round and he saw her eyelids were red and swollen in the +haggard pallor of her face. She stared at him dully for a minute. + +"What is it, my child?" asked Boase. + +"I can't tell you," said Judith dully. "You wouldn't understand and +you'd be shocked." + +Boase smiled as he sat down in the pew just in front of her. She leant +back against her seat and looked pitifully at his kind deeply-lined old +face. + +"Besides, I'm not sorry!" she went on; "at least, not the sorry that +means to give it up, only the sorry that wishes I had never started...." + +"Tell me about him, my child!" said Boase. And Judy did. It was the +first time she had ever spoken of him--what he was to her and what her +life had been--to anyone. She made no wail beyond once saying, "I did +not know it was possible that a person could make one suffer so...." + +Gradually Boase drew what little story there was to tell from her, but +more than she told him he gathered for himself, from his watching of +her and his knowledge of Killigrew. He was an old man now and a wise +one. The priest in him yearned over her to wean her from her sin, but +the patient wisdom in him told him that not that way had she yet come. +He talked quietly to her, soothing her by his calmness, his lack of +reproaches or adjurations, and presently she was sitting forward in the +pew in the gathering dusk talking more normally. + +"There are some sheep who are not only not of this fold," he said at +last, "but who seem as though they never could be on this side of the +grave. Joe has the odd quality of never having felt spiritual want, and +probably he never will." + +"It is that uncertainty of edge about him that has always been the +difficulty," she said. "That--oh, it's so difficult to explain. I mean, +he has never seemed to realise the limits of individuality. Woman is +woman to him--not one woman. He's often said that the affinity +made-for-each-other theory must be pure nonsense; that you meet during +your little life hundreds of people who all have more or less of an +affinity for you--some more, some less--and that it's practically your +duty to fuse that alikeness wherever you meet it. Of course he agrees +that among the lot there's bound to be one with whom the overlap is +bigger than it is with any of the others, but then he looks on that as +no reason for thinking that person is the one person for you. There are +probably several more people knocking round with whom your overlap would +be still wider, only you never happen to meet them. And to bind yourself +irrevocably to one would be to prevent your fusing with them if you did +meet them. It works out at this--that the greatest giving and the +greatest taking is the ideal state of affairs. Give to everyone you meet +and take all you can from them. But, you see, my trouble is I have +nothing left to give anyone but him. I've always given him +everything--I want no one and nothing else. And he's wanted so many and +so much. I see the logic and admirable sense of his attitude so clearly +that even while a primitive root jealousy is eating me up I am so +infected by his theory that I don't blame him. I feel myself nebulous as +regards him, as blurred at edge as he is." + +"Oh, my dear child!" said Boase, "this--this in a way bigness of his +view just makes him more of an individualist than anyone. He limits +himself nowhere, but simply because it's all gain to his individuality. +That it is gain to others too is neither here nor there." + +"It can be loss to the others; there is such a thing as all taking and +no giving." + +"Ah, now you're looking on it from the point of view of payment! Take +for a moment the truer view that sorrow is as much gain as pleasure. The +only gain on earth is experience, and both emotions go to feed that." + +"And then," continued Judith, pursuing her own line of thought, +"something in me seems to say that that wide view, that merging of +individuality, has the right idea at the root of it. It's an old strain +of Puritanism in me, I suppose, that tells me anything is good which +implies a loosening of individualism." + +"I don't agree with you," said Boase energetically. "The root of all +things good and great is personality. The success of any movement +depends on the individuality of the leader, just as the whole of +creation depends, whether it knows it or not, on the personality of +Christ. 'Be individual' is a counsel of perfection--that is the only +drawback to it. If the great mass of people were only nearer perfection +the rein could be given to individualism; as it is it's a dangerous +horse to drive--it so often runs away with its driver. Conceive now of +the immense advantage it would be if, instead of a criminal being tried +by the clumsy machinery of the law, the judge were to investigate the +case quietly and thoroughly himself, get to know the man, his belongings +and environment, and then deal with him as he saw fit. The thing's not +workable; the judge might have an attack of indigestion that would +jaundice his view, or be in a rosy glow of sentimentality after port. +But if the judge could be depended on for sympathy and intuitiveness, +half the crime in the world would be stamped out. It's the same +everywhere. If priests could be allowed to discriminate between divorced +persons they thought it fit and desirable to remarry and those they did +not, much sin might be avoided. But it wouldn't work, simply because the +individual can't yet be trusted, and so it is quite right that the law +should be as it is. But that doesn't prevent rank individualism from +being the counsel of perfection--in which, curiously enough, Joe would +agree with me more than Ishmael, who fights against the individual in +life to an extraordinary extent. I wish something would happen to make +him succumb to it again. I don't want him to grow inhuman...." + +"I wish it were possible to grow inhuman," said Judy. + +"If you knew," said Boase slowly, "that besides doing--as I must tell +you--a right action by leaving off all connection with Joe Killigrew, +you could also cease at once to feel anything for him, would you then +leave him?" + +"Ah! not yet ..." said Judith. "I must have a little longer. Wait till +I'm older--till I can't make him want me...." + +As she went home, comforted more than she could have thought possible by +the mere telling of what had accompanied her so long, she knew that she +had not been wholly disingenuous. That Killigrew would cease to want her +for at least a good while to come she did not believe, and it was not +that dread which had sent her shaking for the first time to the help +from which she had hitherto held proudly aloof. As a matter of fact she +kept up the illusion of youth better with Killigrew than with the rest +of the world, and she knew it. For one thing, he was never away from her +long enough at a time to get a thoroughly new vision of her on his +return, a vision apart from that which he was expecting to see. For +another, she took more care with him. Other people might see her +unpowdered, bleak--never he. And for this, too, she had paid the +penalty. Sometimes when he held her, gazing down into the face she had +prepared with so much skill to meet that look--counting half upon the +material aids upon her skin and half upon the state she should have +evoked in him before she courted that gaze--then she would think to +herself: "And if I were not 'tidied,' if I were 'endy,' looking greasy, +as I have all day, he would not be feeling like this...." Then with that +thought would flash into her aching heart: "On so frail a thread hangs +love...." + +But it was not anything in Killigrew which had eaten into her +consciousness this past week--it was something in herself. Something +which had risen to its crest that night among the bracken had failed +ever since, was falling on deadness, and that something was her own +power to feel the love which had made her life for so long. There were +always periods of deadness--she knew that--but this held a quality none +of them had had. What if even she were subject to the inevitable law, if +for her too after the apex came the downward slope? That was the fear +that gnawed at her, that was what she dreaded when the Parson had held +out exactly that as a hope. + +While she had been suffering and loving she had longed for the release +of cessation; now she dreaded it, for it undermined to her the whole of +the past. She was one of those women to whom faithfulness in herself was +a necessity of self-respect, and failure of love, without any deflection +of it, was to her a failure of faithfulness. She had nothing tangible to +go upon; it was only that she felt this deadness now upon her was not +the mere reaction of feeling, but an actual snapping of something in the +fabric of life. She told herself it was not possible, that not so could +she give the lie to all she had suffered. + +As she went up the lane to Paradise she met Ishmael coming down it; +evidently he had been taking Georgie home. She stopped to speak to him, +and, feeling he was reluctant to pass on by himself yet awhile, she +leant over a gate and let him talk to her. For a minute or so he said +nothing that was not an ordinary commonplace of encounter, but after a +short silence had fallen between them he began abruptly on another note. + +"Judy," he said, "do you believe in what is called 'falling in love'?" + +"Do I believe in it?" echoed Judith. "It depends on how you mean that. +If you ask do I believe that there is such a phenomenon, I do, for the +simple reason that one sees it happening all around one and people doing +the maddest things under its influence. If you mean do I think it's a +good thing, or a pleasant thing, or a thing that lasts ...?" + +"Yes, that's what I meant, I think." + +"Falling in love is giving someone the power to hurt you.... I suppose +it depends on you, or rather on them, if it's worth it or not. But how +can one say anything of any value about a thing unless one has first +clearly defined what that thing is? And love is like religion, like the +vision of truth itself--it means something different to every man." + +"I thought women were always supposed to love in much the same way," +said Ishmael vaguely--"better than we do. They always say so." + +"Oh, it depends on the individual, as always. Chiefly it depends on +whether you're the sort of person that loves 'in spite of' or 'because +of.' If you're the 'because of' kind, all sorts of things, external +drawbacks and disappointments in character, put you off. If you're the +'in spite of,' they don't. I think the only difference between men and +women is that as a rule men love because of and women in spite of." + +"I'm afraid I should be the 'because of.'" + +"Yes, I think perhaps you would. If a woman loves 'in spite of,' all the +little external things that at the beginning might have shocked her only +make her care more." + +"Like eating with one's knife, you mean?" + +"Yes, even that. Or the person having a cold in his head or a spot on +the end of his nose! She notices whatever it happens to be and has a +little shock of surprise at finding it makes no difference. And that +makes her feel how strong her love must be; and pouf! it gets stronger +than ever." + +"And the underneath things, like finding out little insincerities, +little meannesses even?" + +"The same plan works there--if you're the 'in spite of' lover." + +"Tell me," said Ishmael suddenly, "do you--does any woman--have moments +when the very word 'love' is an insufferable intrusion, when it all +seems petty and of no account, a tiresome thing in whose presence it +suddenly doesn't seem possible to breathe?" + +"When one is sick of the whole question, and the way life is supposed to +be built round it? Yes; but when a woman feels like that it generally is +in reaction from too much of it. She doesn't feel it purely +academically, so to speak, as a man can." Judy's voice was suddenly very +weary. Her eyes met Ishmael's, and in that look a comprehension was born +between them that was never quite to fail, that was, in its best +moments, to mean true intimacy. Judy blinked at him with her sad +monkey-eyes, smiled a little, and held out her hand in farewell. He +took it--suddenly ejaculated a "Good-night" accompanied by a "Thank +you" which he felt, though he could not quite have told why. He went off +down the lane without seeing her back to the cottage, and she stayed +awhile, grateful in her turn that meeting him had taken the keen edge +off her own problems. She went in to supper and bed feeling very tired, +a tiredness that was in her mind and soul, but that had the pleasantness +of a healthy physical exhaustion. Georgie showed a disposition to come +into her room and ask her her opinion of "falling in love" over mutual +hair-brushes, but Judith evaded the tentative suggestion. By then she +was feeling that the word was a meaningless string of four letters, and +the thing she supposed it stood for as fantastic and far-off as the +recurring fragment of a dream, which seems so vivid in the dreaming and +is a broken kaleidoscope of ill-fitting colours on awaking. She went to +bed and slept soundly, better than she had done for months. + +She was to wake to the old weight, half-joy, half-pain, but more and +more she was to feel the new dread that she was growing out even of +that, left in a dryness that belittled the past; but the periods of +numbness once begun had to go on in spite of her, and with their +bitterness was mingled at least the negative healing of indifference. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +GEORGIE + + +Georgie had been up to the village to post a very important letter--so +important that her hand stayed hesitant over the slit in the box for a +moment or two while she made up her mind all over again. Then, with a +gasp, she pushed the letter through and heard it fall with a faint thud +to the bottom of the box. The last chance was still not gone, for the +friendly old postmaster would have given it back to her if she had asked +for it, but the mere noise it made in falling--one of the most +distinctive and irrevocable sounding in the world--caused her to feel a +lightening of the heart that meant satisfaction. She turned and went +away down the bare village street, past the last row of whitewashed +slate-roofed cottages, with the dark clumps of myrtle or tamarisk by +their doors, and then she struck off the hard, bleak road, where the +wind sang mournfully in the insulators at every telegraph post, and made +for the open moor. + +It was one of those mood-ridden days of spring when the whole +countryside changes in the passing of a cloud from pearly grey to a pale +brightness unmarred by any dark note. Even the cloud-shadows were no +deeper than wine-stains as they trailed over the slopes; against the +cold, clear blue of the sky the branches of the thorns seemed of +pencilled silver--their leaves were a rich green amid the colder verdure +of the elders and the soft hue of the breaking ash leaves. Ploughed +lands were a delicate purple, and the pastures still held the pure +emerald of the rainy winter, though paled by the quality of the light to +a tone no deeper than that of the delicate young bracken fronds which +were uncurling upon the moor. Everywhere was lightness--in all colour, +in the wandering airs, in the texture of leaf and blade--in Georgie's +soul as she went over the soft turf and hummed little tunes to herself. +She ran up a grassy peak crested with grey boulders and flung herself +against them, half-leaning, half-standing, over a rough cool curve of +grey granite, arms outstretched, eyes closed. + +She was conscious of the fabric of her body as never before. She felt +her heart beating as a thing heavier and more powerful than the rest of +her frame; she was aware of the breath passing through the delicate skin +of her nostrils, of a faint, sweet aching in her thighs, of the +tenderness of her breast crushed against the rock, of the acuteness of +life beating in her outspread finger-tips against the rough granite and +in her toes pressed against the turf. She dropped to the ground and, +rolling over, stretched to utmost tension, then relaxed to limpness, +eyelids closed and the hair blowing upon them the only moving thing +about her. Then she scrambled to her feet again and set off towards +Cloom. + +As she neared it she saw on the far slope a plough at work, looking like +a tiny toy, the horses a rich bright brown in the sunlight. Her strong +young eyes could see the darker blown mesh of their manes and the long +hair about their fetlocks; she could see, too, that the man in a faded +blue shirt and earth-coloured trousers driving them was John-James, for +even at that distance his sturdy build and the copper red of his broad +neck were unmistakable. She saw that the man standing talking by the +gate was Ishmael, and she stayed still, wondering if he would see and +recognise her. The tiny figure turned, stood staring, and then waved its +hat above its head; Georgie fluttered her handkerchief and turned off +down towards the stream at the bottom of the moor while Ishmael was +still watching. + +It was warmer down by the stream than on the crest above, and the air +was as though filled with a bright sparkle with the refractions of the +sun from ripple and eddy. The stream was a mere thread of water, but +broken by stone and drooping bough to the semblance of urgency, and with +its mazy lights went a clear murmur of sound. Georgie took off her +little cloth jacket and threw herself down on the grassy slope that, +amidst a tangle of hemlock, edged the purling water. Between her and the +sunlight drooped an alder; she saw against the sun the showers of yellow +catkins all gleaming transparent, like sunlit raindrops caught at the +moment when they lengthen.... She lay under the glory of this Danaean +shower and half-closed her eyes to stare up at the wonder of it. +Presently she heard the sound of twigs and leaves being crushed under +advancing feet, but she did not look up, only started to hum a little +tune, though she could not hear it for the rising beat of her own heart +in her ears. + +When Ishmael merely dropped down beside her and, asking if he might +smoke, proceeded to light his pipe, she calmed a trifle--a sick dread +that she dismissed as impossible flashed through her; she peeped at him +from her tilted hat brim, and saw his hands were trembling slightly as +he struck the match. In a moment she had caught back her own poise; she +watched sidelong, noting with an odd precision exactly how he looked, +how his brown skin glistened a little in the sun, so close to her that +she could see the infinitesimal criss-cross of lines upon the backs of +his hands and the stronger seams upon his reddened neck. She saw the +glisten of a few grey hairs in the dark thick patch above his ear; she +could see the texture of his lip as it pouted beneath the sideways hang +of his pipe. She wondered why anyone ever really loved someone else; +looked at like that, and thought of clearly, reasonably, they did not +look very wonderful, but only obvious flesh and blood, enclosing +something that, try as one might, must always remain alien, cut off. Yet +she knew that, reason as she might, this particular piece of flesh and +blood, animated by this particular soul, had power over hers that her +leaping pulses at the very sound of his footfalls, that her eager +planning mind at night in her bed, would not let her deny. Suddenly she +looked away from him, and, twisting her hands in the dew-wet grass, +spoke. "I've written to Val," she said. + +Ishmael did not answer, and she went on: + +"You don't seem very interested, but I'm so full of it I must tell +someone. After all one doesn't break off an engagement every day...." + +He turned towards her then, dropped his pipe, and looked full at her. + +"You mean that? You have definitely done it?" + +"Undone it," she said cheerfully; "it would never have answered. I've +known that for ages. He's so much cleverer than I am, but so much less +wise! He's just a nice boy who would be the ordinary simple kind if it +weren't for his music. And even there we can't agree, you see." + +"I'm not clever--not the kind that can do clever things," said Ishmael. + +"It's not the doing clever things that matters, I've come to the +conclusion, though Val would think that was heresy. Being things matters +more, somehow. He knows all about music, and they say he's going to be +the great English composer, and I only know that even a barrel-organ in +the street has always made me feel what I used to call when I was small +all 'live-y and love-y.'" + +"There is nothing one can get drunk on like music and poetry," said +Ishmael slowly. "Pictures one needs to understand before they can +intoxicate, and prose can fill and satisfy you, but it's only the other +two one can go mad on, and this--" + +He pulled her to him, a hand beneath her chin, his other arm round her +sturdy, soft little body, and she met his eyes bravely for a moment. +Then hers closed, but he still paused before he kissed her. + +"Georgie, are you sure?" he asked. "Have you thought over all the +drawbacks?" + +"Such as--?" + +"My brothers ... even my son, who will have to come before any we may +have.... I don't want any more bad blood over this heritage, Georgie! +And I--I'm a good many years older than you--" + +"And terribly sot in your ways, as Mrs. Penticost says ..." murmured +Georgie. "Ishmael, aren't you going to ...?" + +Then he did, and Georgie nestled close to him with a sigh of +satisfaction. After a little while her indefatigable tongue began again. + +"Ishmael, isn't it funny to think it might never have happened? Just +suppose I had been actually married to Val instead of only sort of +engaged.... I might have been, you know." + +"If you didn't care about him," began Ishmael, then stopped, feeling he +was a poor advocate of a simple and unmistakable method of loving. + +"Well, it's very difficult for a girl," explained Georgie. "Even when I +was getting fond of him I knew it wasn't what I'd imagined falling in +love to be like, but I thought it might be all I could manage. You see, +in real life, the second-best has such a disconcerting habit of coming +along first. You know all the time that it is only the second-best, but +you think to yourself, 'Suppose the first-best never comes along for me, +and I have said No to this, then there'll be nothing but a third-best +to fall back on.' That's why so many women marry just not the right +man." + +"And I--am I the first-best ...?" asked Ishmael in a low voice. + +Georgie nodded. + +"Ah!" she said; "you need never be jealous of poor Val. If anyone has +anything to be jealous over, it's me--not that I'm going to be. After +all, one can't be a man's first love and his last, and it's more +important to be his last! What's the matter ...? You look funny, +somehow...." + +"Nothing," said Ishmael; "I was only thinking what a dear you are. +You're so sporting about everything. And I--sometimes in the middle of +being happy everything seems suddenly empty and stupid to me, and I +dread your finding that out. Arid spaces.... I don't know how to explain +it. They'll come even in my love for you." + +Georgie nodded again, like a wise baby mandarin, as she sat there with +her feet tucked up under her. She stared ahead, and slowly a change came +over her face, a change like the suffusion of dawn. She caught his head +to her and drew it to her breast. + +"I've had nothing to make me tired yet, not like you. I almost want you +to feel tired and sad and lost if it'll make you come to me, like +this...." She stroked his hair gently, holding his head very lightly. He +pressed it hard against her; he could feel her heart beating at his ear; +he rubbed his cheek against her breast. "You make me feel like a child +again," he said. "No one has ever done, that...." + +"Do you know," said Georgie, still stroking rhythmically, "that every +woman wants her husband to be four things--her lover, her comrade, her +child, and her master? Did you know that?" + +"No; I think I thought it was only the lover they cared about. I'm very +ignorant, Georgie! Have I to be all that? D'you think I can?" + +"Which of them do you doubt?" asked Georgie slyly. + +"Sometimes the lover, sometimes the comrade, sometimes the child, and +always the master, though I'll play at even that if you want me to. But +the other three--I shall always be all of them underneath, even in the +dry spaces." + +Georgie slowly kissed his ruffled head, and then started to try and tie +the longer hairs on the crown into tight knots. He twisted his head away +and sat up, laughing. "If that's how you're going to treat me when I'm +being your child," he threatened, "I'll--" + +"You'll what?" asked Georgie. + +Ishmael did precisely what every other lover in the world would have +done in answer to that question at that moment. Later, when the sun had +moved high and they scrambled up to go home, Georgie was the laughing +child again; only for a second, as they stood on the ridge above and +looked down to the silvery patch where the bright grass was flattened +where they had lain, she wore the look that had transfigured her before. + +In the early autumn Ishmael married, and a new phase began for him at +Cloom. For the first years his precision of them held very true, except +that, though they held more of deep and actual satisfaction than he had +imagined, the moments of rapture were less glamorous. + +Ishmael was one of those unlucky and rare people to whom everything has +lost poignancy when it is occurring not for the first time. He knew how +far dearer to him was Georgie than Blanche had ever been--how far more +lovable she was. But his love had not the keenness, the exquisite +sharpness, of the earlier love, because that first time had taken from +him what in spite of himself he could not give again. If Georgie had +left him he would not have suffered the agonies he had lived down after +Blanche had gone. + +In the same way he loved Georgie incomparably more than Phoebe, and +between them passion was a deeper though not a sweeter thing; yet never +again was he to feel the abandon that had delighted and finally satiated +him with Phoebe. His relation towards any other human being could +never now stretch from rim to rim of the world for him as had so nearly +been the case when he loved Blanche. No one thing could seem to him to +overtop all others as he had tried to make it in the first months with +Phoebe. + +As time went on there came about many measures of which he was as keen +an advocate as he had been of school reform and the ballot, yet never +did he recapture that first fine glow which had fired him at his entry +into the world of men who worked at these things. He believed as time +went on, more firmly, because more vitally, in God and the future of the +soul than ever he had in his fervid schooldays, yet these beliefs +aroused less enthusiasm of response within him. + +He could still feel as strongly in body, soul or mind, but never did he +have those flashing periods when all three are fused together in that +one white passion of feeling which is the genius of youth. Always one of +the three stood aloof, the jarring spectator in the trinity, and +affected the quality of what the other two might feel. Life, as he went +through its midway, seemed to him to disintegrate, not to move +inevitably towards any one culmination of its varied pattern. When he +had been young he lived by what might happen any golden to-morrow; now +he lived by what did happen day by day. + + + + +BOOK IV + +THE SHADOW OF THE SCYTHE + + + + +CHAPTER I + +QUESTIONS OF VISION + + +"I am getting on, you know," said Nicky Ruan. "At twenty-two--nearly +twenty-three--a fellow isn't as young as he was. And I don't want to +stick here till I'm too old to enjoy seeing the world." + +"What should you consider too old, Nicky?" asked Ishmael. + +Nicky hesitated; he made a rapid calculation in his head, and arriving +at the fact that his father must be quite forty-six or seven, and being +always averse to hurting anyone's feelings unless it was very worth +while, he temporised. + +"Oh, well! it depends on the fellow, doesn't it? I expect, for instance, +you weren't nearly as old as me when you were my age, because you didn't +go to the 'Varsity, and of course that makes a difference...." + +Ishmael sat smoking and looking at the boy in silence. He felt he knew +what the old Bible phrase meant when it spoke of yearning over a child. +He felt the helpless desire to protect, to stand between this golden boy +and all that must come to him, and he knew that not only can no one live +for anyone else, but that youth would refuse the gift were it possible +to make it. + +Nicky, about whom he knew so little, about whom he realised he had +always known so little.... What did he really know about Nicky's life, +his doings up at Oxford, his thoughts? Roughly he was aware of his +tastes, his habits at home, his affections; but of the other Nicky, the +individual that stood towards life, not the boy who stood in his +relation of son towards him, he knew nothing. Women, now ... what lay +behind that smooth lean young face--what of knowledge about women? +Ishmael had no means of telling. Whether Nicky were still as pure as his +two little sisters, whether he had the technical purity that may for +some time go with a certain amount of curiosity and corruption of the +mind, whether he had already had his "adventures," or whether he were +still too undeveloped, too immersed in sports and himself to have +bothered about women, Ishmael could not really tell, any more than could +any other parent. + +The only thing in which Ishmael differed from the average parent was in +acknowledging his ignorance to himself. But then Nicky had always had +that curious intangible quality, that mental slipping-away from all +grip, which had made it especially difficult ever really to know what +his thoughts were and what he really knew. Not that there was any +reserve about Nicky--he was not at all averse to talking freely about +himself; but it seemed as though either there were in him a hollow where +most people keep the root of self, or else that a very deep-seated +personality held court there. Whichever it was, the effect was the same, +the effect as of a sealed place. + +Father and son sat looking at each other, and there was something +inimical in the eyes of both. Nicky sat thinking: "Of course father's a +brick in all sorts of ways, and there isn't anybody quite like him, but +he doesn't understand. He never was young like me...." Thus Nicky, and +saw no inconsistency with his statement of a minute earlier that his +father had been so much younger than he at the same age. And Ishmael +thought: "He has the only thing that matters in the world.... _And I was +like that once_...." And almost, for a moment, hated him that he should +have the youth which slipped so fast. The moment died, and with it his +bitterness, merged in the pity of youth which welled up in him as he +sat fronting Nicky's superb confidence, his health, his swelling +appetite for life. + +"But why Canada?" asked Ishmael at last, temporising in his turn. + +"Because I'm sure it's the country of the future; you should hear Uncle +Dan about it!... And of course he knows so many people there, so I +should have introductions and all that. You know you believe in Uncle +Dan!" + +"Yes, I believe, as you call it, in your Uncle Dan's sincerity, if only +because he's done so many inconsistent and apparently contradictory +things in his life. But that doesn't make me see any real reason why you +should go to Canada." + +Nicky's bright face took on a sulky expression, he swung a foot, and his +jaw stood out as it did when he was angry, thickening his whole aspect. + +"Because, if you want to know, I'm not going to be content to spend my +whole life in an obscure farm in Cornwall, as you've done!" he burst +out. "There's the whole world to see and I want to see it. There's--oh, +a thousand and one things to do and feel one could never get down here, +things I want to do and feel. You can't understand." + +That was true, and Ishmael knew it. What human being, he reflected, +marooned as each of us is on the island of individuality, can understand +another even when there is no barrier of a generation between, that +barrier which only the element of sexual interest can overleap? There +had been moments when he had wished that his destiny had not tied him +quite so much, but on the whole he had loved that to which he was tied +too dearly to resent it. He could see that Nicky thought his life had +been very wasted; he allowed himself a little smile as he thought of +what Cloom would have been like as a heritage for Nicky if he had not +taken the view of his destiny that he had. What would Nicky's own +position in life have been? Probably no better than that of his +grandfather, old James Ruan. Ishmael laughed outright, much to Nicky's +indignation, but when he spoke again his voice was gentler. + +"I'll think it over," he promised, "and I'll write to your uncle and ask +him what he thinks. I don't want to clip your wings, Nicky, Heaven +forbid! I mayn't always have enjoyed having my own flights so +circumscribed, you know." + +Into Nicky's generous young heart rushed a flood of sympathy on the +instant. "It must have been rotten for you," he said eagerly. "I know +the old Parson's always saying how splendid you've been about this place +and all that; you mustn't think I don't realise." + +Ishmael, aware that he had not really wished his flights to be wider, +that his nature had been satisfied, as far as satisfaction lay in his +power, by Cloom, by the soil which was the fabric of life to him, felt +he was obtaining sympathy and approbation on false pretences--indeed, he +had deliberately angled for them. They were too sweet to refuse, however +come by. Nicky, the young and splendid, whom he loved so dearly in spite +of--or could it be because of?--his elusiveness, did not so often warm +his heart that he could spurn this. He crossed over to where Nicky sat +on the edge of the table and allowed himself one of his rare caresses, +slipping his arm about the boy's shoulders. "We'll see, Nicky!" he said. + +At that moment there came a crash against the door, and it burst open to +admit the two little girls, Vassilissa and Ruth. Vassilissa, always +called Lissa, to avoid confusion when her aunt came to stay, was a slim, +vivid-looking child, not pretty, but with a face that changed with every +emotion and a pair of lovely grey eyes. Ruth was simpler, sweeter, more +stolid; a bundle of fat and a mane of brown hair chiefly represented her +personality at present. Lissa was twelve, and looked more, but Ruth +seemed younger than her eleven years by reason of her shyness in company +and her slow speech. Ishmael privately thought Lissa a very remarkable +child, but something in him, some touch of the woman, made him in his +heart of hearts love better the quiet little Ruth, who was apt to be +dismissed as "stodgy." He frowned now as they both came tumbling +in--Lissa with the sure bounds with which she seemed to take the world, +Ruth with her usual heaviness. This room, the little one over the porch +that had been Nicky's bedroom in his boyhood, was now supposed to be +Ishmael's business room, and as such inviolate. + +"Nicky! Nicky!" cried Lissa. "How late you are! And you know you +promised for twelve o'clock, and we've been waiting for ages and ages!" + +"Promised what?" asked Nicky. + +"Oh, Nicky ...!" on a wail of disgust; "you don't mean to say you've +forgotten! Why, only yesterday you promised that to-day if it was fine +you'd take us out in your tandem. You know you did!" + +"Oh, Lord! Well, I can't, anyway. I've got an engagement." + +"Nicky!" Ruth joined in the wail, but it was Lissa who passed rapidly to +passion, her face crimson and her eyes full of tears of rage. + +"Then you're a pig, that's what you are--a perfect pig, and I hate you! +You never do what you say you will now, and I think it's very caddish of +you. It's all that beastly Oxford; you've never been the same since you +went there. Mother says so too. She says it's made you a conceited young +puppy; I heard her!" + +"Lissa!" Ishmael's voice was very angry. "Never repeat what anyone has +said about anyone else--never, never. Do you hear me?" + +"I don't care, she did say it, so there!" + +Nicky was crimson. He went to the door. "Then it's easy to see where +you get your good manners from!" he retorted, and was gone before +Ishmael could say anything to him. Lissa was still trembling with rage, +and Ruth, who was rather a cry-baby, lifted up her voice and wept, +partly because of the disappointment and partly because she could not +bear people not to be what she called "all comfy together." + +Georgie Ruan heard the noise and came in briskly. Ishmael made her a +despairing gesture to remove the two children. + +Georgie stood taking in the scene. She had altered in fourteen years +more than either Ishmael, who was seldom away from her, or than she +herself, had realised; for she had never been a beauty anxiously to +watch the glass, and motherhood had absorbed her to the overshadowing of +self. She had coarsened more than actually changed--her sturdy little +figure had lost its litheness in solidity, her round face had thickened +and the skin roughened. Her movements were as vigorous and her mouth as +wonderful, though it was more lost in her face, but her small blue eyes +were still bright. She still managed to keep her air of a great baby, +and it went rather sweetly with her obvious matronliness. She swept like +a whirlwind on the two little girls, scolding and coaxing in a breath. +Lissa at once started to pour out her grievance about the faithless +Nicky. + +"He said he had an engagement," put in Ishmael, seeing Georgie's face +harden. + +"Oh, of course," she retorted, "and we can guess what it is...." She +broke off as Ishmael made a warning sign towards the children. "Anyway, +I think it's too bad of him to promise the children to take them out and +then not to do it," she insisted. "That's the third time he's done that +lately, and I know how they were looking forward to it. They came home +from school half an hour earlier on purpose." + +Lissa and Ruth went to a small private school, whose scholars only +consisted of the half-dozen children of the local gentry, and which was +held at the village. It was called "school," and Lissa and Ruth felt +very proud of going to it, but in reality it was no more than going out +to a governess one shared with other girls instead of having a governess +to oneself at home. Ruth ran to her father and clung to his knee +heavily; he stroked her shock of brown hair and said: "Cheer up, little +Piggy-widden"--which was his pet name for her, partly because she was +the youngest and smallest of the family, partly because she was so fat, +and in Cornwall the "piggy-widden" is the name for the smallest of the +litter. + +Lissa still stormed, but Georgie, with one of the sudden little gusts of +temper to which she had always been liable, swept on to her and bade her +be quiet at once and have a little self-control. She seized a child in +each hand and whirled them out of the room with instructions to go to +Nanny and have their faces washed. Then she came back to Ishmael and +perched herself on the arm of his chair. She looked very young at the +moment, for her attitude was of the Georgie of old days, and her round +face was screwed up in an expression of mock-penitence as she rumpled +his hair. She would have looked younger if the fashions had been kinder, +but the beginning of the 'nineties was not a gracious period for women's +dress. The sweep of the crinoline, the piquancy of the fluted draperies +and deliciously absurd bustle, had alike been lost; in their stead +reigned serge and cloth gowns that buttoned rigidly and had high stiff +little collars. Braid meandered over Georgie's chest on either side of +the buttons, and her pretty round neck was hidden and her cheeks made to +seem coarse by the stiff collar, while her plump arms looked as though +stuck on like those of a doll in their sleeves of black cloth which +contrasted with the bodice and skirt of fawn-coloured serge. Her +straight fringe that had had the merit of suiting her face was now +frizzed, while the rest of her hair was twisted into what was known as a +"tea-pot handle" at the back of her head. + +Ishmael let her pull his head against the scratchy curves of braid, but +he was preoccupied and kept up a tattoo on the writing-table with a +paper-knife. There had been so many of these scenes since Nicky had been +growing up; Georgie had changed towards the boy ever since her own +children had been born. She was never unfair to him, but she seemed as +though always on the watch. He must not come near the babies with his +dirty boots on, must stay where he had been before he came near them at +all, for fear he had wandered where she considered there might be +infection. His dogs had come under the same ban, and one way and another +she had gone the right way to sicken Nicky of his little sisters if he +had not been both sweet-natured and rather impervious. Ishmael had +sometimes resented all this on Nicky's behalf, and then Georgie had +accused him of loving his son the most. Of course, she knew the others +were "only girls," and therefore she supposed of no interest to a +farmer.... Scenes such as this would end in penitence on her part and a +weary forgiveness on Ishmael's. He loved Georgie and all his children +deeply--perhaps his children meant something more to him--but he never +could quite do away with the feeling that there was something rather +absurd about the father of a family.... + +"What were you going to say about Nicky when I stopped you?" he asked. +"Where is it he goes? Is it anywhere in particular?" + +"I thought you knew," said Georgie slowly, "though I might have known +you didn't; you never see anything, which may be very beautiful, but, +believe me, can be very trying to a poor female! If you really want to +know, he goes over to Penzance in his tandem every early-closing day to +take out Miss Polly Behenna--from Behenna the draper's in Market Jew +Street." + +"Good Lord! ... there's nothing in it, is there?" + +"I shouldn't think so; but you know how silly it is in a place like +this ... and she's a very pretty girl, and oh, so dreadfully genteel!" + +"That'll save him, then! Dairymaids are far more dangerous. But, as you +say, it doesn't do.... I think there's something in the Canadian plan," +he added to himself. He took up the lists of accounts he had been busy +on when first interrupted by Nicky and began to examine them. He had to +hold them far away from his eyes and even then to pucker up his lids +before he could quite make them out. Georgie watched him. + +"You know, Ishmael, you want specs," she said suddenly. "I'm sure of it! +I've been watching you for ages and you never seem able to take in +anything unless it's a mile off. And all your headaches, too...." + +Ishmael thought angrily: "Is there anything women won't say outright? +Can't she see I've been sick with terror about my eyes for months, and +that's why I haven't done anything about it?" Aloud he only said +gruffly: "I'm all right!" + +"But you aren't!" persisted Georgie. "What's the good of saying you are +when you aren't?" + +"Well, if you like I'll go and see an oculist next time I go to +Plymouth," promised Ishmael. "Will that do you?" + +"I like that. It's not for me. I only said," began Georgie indignantly; +but he pulled her head to him and held it there a moment before kissing +her. + +"Run away, there's a dear!" he said. "Eyes or no eyes, I've got to get +this done, and you know you can't add two and two, so it's no good +saying you'll stay and help." + +"I can make two and two make five, which is the whole art of life," +retorted Georgie, laughing. "But as there's the dinner to order, and as +you could no more do that than I could see to the accounts, I'll go." +She bent over him, and wickedly parted his hair away from a thin patch +that was coming on the crown of his head before kissing him full upon +it. + +When she was gone Ishmael let the accounts lie untouched before him, +and, getting up, he crossed to the window and stood looking out. He +heard the sound of wheels and hoofs coming along the lane at the side of +the garden wall, and the next moment saw the head of Nicky's leader, +apparently protesting violently, come beyond the angle of the wall. +Nicky was evidently trying to turn it in the direction of the main road, +but the leader had other views, and gave expression to them by sitting +down suddenly on his haunches, with his white-stockinged forelegs struck +straight out, his fiddle-head, with the white blaze between his wicked +eyes, looking round over his shoulder at the invisible Nicky, whose +remarks came floating up to Ishmael on the breeze. Finally the leader +was made to see the error of his ways, and the light dog-cart swung +round the corner, and with a flourish of the whip and a clatter and a +heart-catching swerve round the angle of the hedge Nicky's tandem bore +him swiftly down the road towards where the telegraph wires told of the +way which led to Miss Polly Behenna. + +Ishmael watched as long as the cart was in sight, taking pride and +comfort in the fact that his eyes could see the minutest detail as far +as the turn on to the high-road; then he came back into the room, and +with a smile and a sigh took up the accounts. Some absurd little thing +within him made him determine that he would not take to spectacles till +Nicky had gone to Canada and could not remark on them. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +AUTUMN + + +A few evenings later Ishmael went out alone on to the moors, filled with +very different ideas from any that had held him of late. Not the petty +friction of domesticity, nor the pervading thought of that queer feeling +in his eyes, nor care for Nicky's future, or anything of the present, +stirred within him. A letter received by Georgie that day, and the +thought and realisation of which Ishmael had carried about with him +through all his varied work, now swamped his mind in memories so vivid +that the present was only in his mind as a faint bitter flavour hardly +to be noticed. + +Judy had written to Georgie, had written to say she was coming down some +time soon, but primarily the letter had been to give news of Killigrew. +Ishmael and Georgie knew--exactly how they could not have told--in what +relationship Judith and Killigrew had stood to each other; Ishmael felt +he had known ever since that evening when he met Judy in Paradise Lane, +and to Georgie the certainty had come with greater knowledge of life and +realisation of herself. They had hardly mentioned the affair to each +other, and then only in a round-about manner, but each guessed at the +other's knowledge. Georgie was aware that for some years now Judith had +seen very little of Killigrew, but how or why the severance had come +about neither she nor Ishmael could guess. Judith had never mentioned +Killigrew to them except as a mutual friend; she always had the strength +of her own sins. Never till this letter had she spoken or written +otherwise, but now she told that Killigrew was very ill in Paris and +that she had gone to him. Very ill was practically all she said, beyond +a mere mention that the illness was typhoid; but Ishmael knew at once +what she meant, though she either would not or could not write it. +Through all Georgie's comments and hopes that soon better news would +come he never doubted, though he said little, that Killigrew was dying, +if not already dead, when Judith wrote. He knew her well enough, and +guessed at her still more acutely, to know that she was quite capable of +so much of reticence. And why did she speak so confidently of coming +down to Cloom some time quite soon? She would not leave Paris while Joe +was still unwell.... Ishmael knew, with the sureness he had once or +twice before known things in his life, and the knowledge affected him +strangely. He felt no violent grief, but a great blank. He had not seen +Killigrew for years; but with the knowledge that he was to see him no +more went something of himself--something that had belonged to Killigrew +alone and that had responded to something in him which henceforth would +be sealed and dead. He kept himself busy all day, but now he walked fast +along the road, only accompanied by his thoughts. + +The first hint of autumn was in the air that evening. The bracken had +begun to turn, and its hue was intensified by the russet warmth of the +evening sunlight, that touched each frond with fire, burnished the +granite boulders, and turned the purple of the heather to a warm +ruddiness. As Ishmael went along the hard pale road a hare, chased by a +greyhound belonging to a couple of miners, came thudding down it, and +the light turned its dim fur to bronze. It flashed past over a low wall, +and was happily lost in the confusion of furze and bracken over an old +mine-shaft. Ishmael felt a moment's gladness for its escape; then he +went on, and, soon leaving the road, he struck out over the moor. + +On he went till he came to a disused china-clay pit, showing pale +flanks in the curve of the moor. A ruined shaft stood at the head, the +last of the sunset glowing through its empty window-sockets; an owl +called tremulously, the sheep answered their lambs from the dim moor. A +round pearl-pale moon swung in the east, level with the westering sun; +as he sank she rose, till the twilight suddenly wrapped the air in a +soft blue that was half a shadow, half a lighting. The last of the warm +glow had gone; only the acres of feathery bents still held a pinkish +warmth in their bleached masses. + +Ishmael sat upon the dry grass, where the tiny yellow stars of the +creeping potentilla gleamed up at him through the soft dusk, and lay +almost too idle for thought. + +He wondered both why he did not feel more, and why he was feeling so +much. If Killigrew had died when they were both young, Ishmael would +have felt a more passionate grief--an emptiness, a resentment that never +again would he see and talk with him; but part of himself would not have +died too. As he lay, there suddenly came into his mind the first two +occasions on which he had heard of deaths that affected him at all +intimately--the deaths of Polkinghorne and of Hilaria. Of both he had +heard from Killigrew, he remembered. Polkinghorne--that news could not +have been said actually to have grieved either of them, but it had been +the first time in Ishmael's life that even the thought of death as a +possible happening had occurred to him. Hilaria--a sense of outrage had +been added to that; it was not her death that taught him anything beyond +the mere commonplace that death can be a boon, but the news of her +illness, that illness which unseen had been upon her even in the days +when they had tramped the moors together and she had read to an +enthralled ring of boys the breathless instalments of "The Woman in +White." It had been the first time he had recognised that fear and +horror lie in wait along the path of life, that not naturally can we +ever leave it, that sooner or later illness or accident must inevitably +make an end. Even with his passionate distaste for the mere idea of +death, this recognition would not have hit him so hard, if it had not +been that the fact of Hilaria's youth, of her having been, as he phrased +it, "Just like anyone else, just like I am ..." had shown him that not +only for strangers, for people who are mere names in newspapers, do the +hard things of life lie in wait. There was always this something waiting +to spring--that might or might not show teeth and claws any time in +life, that did not, in the form of an out-of-the-ordinary fate such as +Hilaria's, often touch even on the fringe of knowledge, but that +nevertheless was shown to be possible. That was the rub, that was what +he had been aware of ever since. Life was not a simple going-forward, +lit by splendid things, marked maybe by the usual happenings such as the +death of parents, and even friends; but it could hold such grim things +as this.... Once one had seen what tricks life could play there was no +trusting it in quite the same way again. That such happenings should be +possible would have seemed incredible till the realisation of Hilaria +drove it home. Of no use to say that these things were the exception. +They could still happen. + +And now Killigrew--before his natural time, though not so violently as +had been the case with the other two old playmates. Killigrew had lived +his life very thoroughly, though he had always loved not well but too +wisely. Sitting there on the lonely moor amid the ruined china-clay +works, with only the sounds of bird and beast breaking the still air, +Ishmael seemed to himself as though suspended in a state that was +neither space nor time, when independent of either he could roam the +past as the present, and even the future as well. It was as though time +were cut out of one long endless piece as he had often imagined it as a +little boy, when he had been puzzled that it was not as easy to see +forwards as backwards, and been pricked by the feeling that it was +merely a forgotten faculty which at any moment hard straining, if only +it lit on the right way, could regain. For the first time for many years +he had a glimpse of the pattern of life instead of only the intricacies, +seemingly without form, of each phase. Killigrew and, in a much less +degree--but, as he now saw, hardly less keenly--Hilaria, had both so +affected the web of his life, not in action, but in thought, that +without them he would either have learnt different lessons or the same +lessons quite differently. Even Judith, Carminow, and all the rest of +the people who had impinged in greater or less degree, went to make the +pattern, though not always, as with Killigrew, Hilaria, and +Polkinghorne, could he see any one definite thing that they had been the +means of making clear to his groping vision. For we cannot know people +with even the lightest degree of intimacy without both taking from them +and giving to them. Externally it may be only two or three people in +life who have had the influencing of it, but each casual encounter has +helped to prepare us for those people. + +What Ishmael felt in regard to Killigrew at the present moment--and +rightly felt, for, as he found out later, on the day the letter arrived +at Cloom Killigrew had died--left a blank in his life, but more it +brought home to him that, the meridian once passed, blanks were things +that would increase. Children grew up, but they grew away; grandchildren +would be a stay, but one must be content to be a background for them. +This falling away, step by step, through life was, he saw, part of its +ordered procession. And he saw too, with a deadly sureness there was no +evading, that this thing he knew of Killigrew stood for another +knowledge to him as well, a knowledge he had been fighting and to which +he still refused to accede. The knowledge that physical decay had to +be, that for him it had begun. He was still a young man as men count +youth nowadays, but he knew the difference between that and the tingle +of the rising sap of real youth. It was not Killigrew's death he mourned +so much as the death of that self who had been Killigrew's friend. + +Long now he had been accustomed to the greater sense of proportion in +things mental and emotional which amounts to a greyer level of feeling; +he had lived on those not unsweet flats for years. But only lately had +the physical messages been flashing along to him down his nerves and +muscles, and he resented them far more bitterly than anything mental or +spiritual. His eyes--it might be they merely needed spectacles for close +work; but he resented that almost as fiercely as the fear about them +which sometimes assailed him when the pain was bad and his lids pricked +and were sore--the waning capacity to stand long strain and fatigue, the +waning power of physical reaction altogether.... Lately his cold bath +had meant a half-hour's shivering for him instead of the instantaneous +glow which showed perfect bodily response. He was a strong, healthy man +who had led a healthy life, but all the same he was not the man he had +been, and this night he acknowledged it. To this he had come, to this +everyone must come; as a commonplace he supposed he had always known +that, if he had been asked about it--even as a boy he would have agreed +to that, but with the inward thought: "Not to me ... it can't...." To +Nicky too it would come, though Nicky would have laughed the idea to +scorn as so far off as not to be worth troubling about. Yet how quickly +it came ... how terribly quickly! Life seemed to Ishmael to be a shining +ribbon that was always being pulled through the fingers, inexorably +fast, cling as they might. + +Ishmael lifted his eyes and stared out over the darkening moor, and his +attention was caught by a flicker upon the western horizon. The last +line of light from the sun's setting still lingered there, so that at +first it was not easy to disengage from it that flicker of brighter +light which seemed vague as a candle flame in daytime. A few minutes +made certainty, however, and Ishmael stared at the gathering flicker and +wondered whether it were a serious fire or mere swaling. It gathered in +a rose of flame that gradually lit the horizon and burnt so steadily +that he knew no swaling could account for it, and, standing up, he took +his bearings and decided that it must be either Farmer Angwin's +buildings or ricks ablaze. Angwin was a shiftless fellow, gentle and +meek, who was wont to bewail his ill-luck; here was another slice of it +for him, poor man! Ishmael was too far from home to return quickly for a +trap, and it would take time to put the horse in. Suddenly he decided he +would make the run on foot across country, as he often had as a boy on +seeing that ominous but thrilling glow gathering in the sky. He got to +his feet, nimbly enough if not with suppleness; as he did so he felt a +twinge in his thigh such as it had been subject to ever since a bad +attack of rheumatism the winter before. He stood a moment watching the +rising glow, then stretched himself. Unconsciously he was asking of +limbs and muscles as to their fitness; as he drew in deep breaths of the +soft air and let the tautened sinews relax again there was no alien note +in the symphony of his being--all felt as sound and strong as ever; now +he was standing the twinge did not bother him--he told himself that in +every inch of him he was still the man he was. Yet he knew he no longer +felt the twang of some divine-strung cord within that had been wont to +thrill and inform the whole. + +Quite suddenly, as he stood, there came to him the idea to try and see +whether by physical abandon he could recapture the old frenzy, whether +to the bidding of violent exercise and healthy exhaustion, to the joy +of feeling covered with sweat and earth, a mere glowing animal who feels +and does not think, something of what he had lost would come back to him +if only for an hour. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +BODIES OF FIRE + + +The dusk was deepening rapidly, that glow brightened every minute; +Ishmael began to run. He ran on and on--it seemed to him +effortlessly--and with a tingling glow rising in him that made him feel +alive as he had not for long. On and on, straight as keeping that glow +ahead could make his course, over the hedges, damp and clinging with +dew, scattering its drops, breaking the clinging grass stems and the +tangled weeds. At each wall he felt the old upleaping of power as he +took it, hurling himself over cleanly in the darkness, delightfully +regardless of what might be on the other side. Down marshy fields that +sucked at his feet, through the pools that splashed up into his heated +face, over the clumps of long grass that grew between the tiny rivulets +and swayed beneath his step and would have given way with him had he not +always leapt on in time with the sure-footedness of long custom. On up +long dry slopes, where he ran slowly but easily, conscious of his own +ease, though he could hear his deep-drawn breaths. Through patches of +moorland where the bracken clung about him or the furze pricked his +legs, as he was subconsciously aware without really noticing it. Once he +came vaulting over a granite wall, to find himself almost on top of a +blood-bull, with a ring in his nose and a curly fringe on his forehead +that showed clearly in the rising moonlight. Ishmael could see, too, his +wet glistening nose and dark eyes. The bull stayed still staring in +astonishment, and Ishmael hit his flank gaily in passing and ran on, +down a marshy bottom, over another wall and up the next slope. The glow +was brighter now because he was so much nearer, but in reality it had +subsided somewhat--its first fierce spurt had burnt itself out. Ishmael +began to go less easily--his breath rasped a little; but his sensations +were all pleasant--the pounding blood in his whole body ran sweetly, he +tingled with a glow that was enjoyable beyond anything he could have +imagined. He knew he must be in a deplorable condition; he could feel +the sweat running down his forehead into his eyes and his shirt clinging +to his body under his light coat. Up to the knees he was soaking wet, +and splashed with mud higher still; his clothes were torn by the +brambles, and so were his hands and face. He felt happy--happy, in spite +of the news that had come to him. At that moment his run seemed to him +to hold an epic quality--the physical aspect of things; the health and +strength he felt coursing through him, the delightful exhaustion that he +knew would follow so healthily and naturally, seemed the most important +things in the world. Let all else go but this.... + +He slowed up to a walk as he came to Angwin's farm, passed through the +dark yard, and through the gates into a field next the rickyard. It was +full of folk crowded in from all the countryside. The engine from +Penzance had come and was puffing and panting by the pond, sucking up +water with stertorous breaths; at every gasp it rocked with its own +intensity upon its wheels as it stood, sending out a pulsing shower of +sparks over the muddy water. + +Seven ricks had blazed that night, and still smouldered sullenly. The +great grey hose played upon them; the water hissing upon the hot straw +and hay, sending up clouds of steam, tinged to a fiery pallor against +the moonlit night. The walls, not only of the rickyard, but of the +surrounding fields were warm to the touch, for the dry furze growing +along them had caught fire from the blowing sparks, so that at one time +the fields had been outlined with fire. Now the furze had smouldered +and died, but the smooth granite slabs were still hot to the hand, an +unnatural warmth that seemed malign in those dewy fields. + +Now the ricks burnt less and less fiercely; Ishmael gave a hand with the +other helpers, but there was really nothing to be done. Luckily, as it +was still warm weather, the livestock had all been out in the fields, so +there had been no panic even when one end of the cowshed caught fire. +That had been put out and the walls of the barns and out-buildings +drenched again and again, and everyone was trying to comfort Johnny +Angwin with pointing out how much worse it might have been. + +Leaning over the low warm wall between the ricks and the next field, +Ishmael recognised a couple of the artists who of late years had settled +in those parts, and he caught their comments along with those of their +neighbours. + +"What a glorious sight!" said one of them, with a deep-drawn breath; +"I've never seen anything to touch it...." A couple of farmers' wives +standing by peered curiously at the speaker and his companion. "Simme +them folk must be lacken' their senses," said one to the other, "carlen' +a sight like this bewtiful! Lacken' their senses, sure 'nough!" + +Ishmael smiled to himself, and in his mind agreed with both. "I wonder +how it happened?" piped up another artist, anxious to remove a false +impression of callousness. Ishmael explained that spontaneous combustion +was probably the cause of the fire, and a farmer standing near +volunteered his opinion that Angwin had packed his hay damp. Everyone +stood a while longer, staring; the glow had gone from the smouldering +ricks, and the excitement of the event began to die in the minds of the +onlookers. The artist straightened himself and prepared to go. "They're +out now," he said, half-regretfully, half-cheerfully. The farmer near +him spoke again. "Them ricks won't be out for days and nights," he +said; "they'll go on burning in their hearts. They'm naught but a body +o' fire, that's what they are ... a body o' fire...." + +Ishmael stayed to see Angwin and do what he could to help; then he began +his walk home. He was not running now, but aware of a physical +discomfort that was not mere exhaustion. He had a sharp pain in his side +such as children call a stitch, but no amount of stooping to tie +imaginary shoelaces would drive it away. He was glad to accept the offer +of a lift home when he was overtaken by a farmer's cart, and as he was +jogged along the pain grew fiercer. By the time he reached Cloom the +splendid fire that had warmed him on his run had died to nothingness, +and at his ashen look Georgie cried out. He allowed her to help him to +bed and give him hot drinks, to scold him in her woman's way. + +"Such a foolish thing to do at your age ... you might have known!" she +kept on repeating. He said little, but in his own mind ran the refrain: +"She doesn't understand. She's still too young...." He wondered whether +women ever really did know when talking was a mere foolishness, however +sensible the thing said. And again, over and over to himself, as an +accompaniment even to his pain, ran: "How well worth it ...!" For he had +recaptured for a magic couple of hours something he had thought left +behind him, had burned with it ardently and secretly. He too had been a +body of fire. + +The phrase stayed, pricking at him, through the drifting veils of sleep +that alternately deepened and thinned about him all night long. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +THE NEW JUDITH + + +For a long time Ishmael paid the price of that night raid upon his +physical resources, and when he was beginning to take up work again, as +usual, Nicky was off to Canada--off with the latest thing in outfits, +letters of introduction, high hopes, and such excitement at thought of +the new world at his feet that only at the last moment did the sorrow +that because of the uncertainty of life all leave takings hold, strike +him. Then--for he was a very affectionate boy--he felt tears of which he +was deeply ashamed burning in his eyes; he ignored them, made his +farewells briefer, and was gone. + +A few days later Judith came down to pay her promised visit. Both +Ishmael and Georgie drove over to meet her train, and both failed for +the first startled moment to recognise her. Ishmael had an incongruous +flash, during which that occasion years earlier when he had seen her and +Georgie walking down that same platform towards him was the more vivid +actuality. + +Judith's epicene thinness had become gaunt, but it was not that so much +as the colouring of her face and the fact that she was wearing pince-nez +that made her an absolutely different being. This was the third time in +her life that Judy was coming down to the West. Once it had been as a +very young girl, full of dreams and questionings; once it had been as a +woman who had already learned something of proportion; now it was as +this elderly and alien person whom her friends could not connect with +the Judith they had known. Not till they saw the beam of her eyes, as +profound but somehow less sad than the eyes of the girl had been, did +they feel it was the same Judy. The exaggerated colour on her face, the +white powder and overdone rouge, embarrassed them both. Judy saw it and +laughed, and when they were in the waggonnette and driving along the +road she said: "You're thinking how horribly I'm made up! I can't help +it. I began it and I found I couldn't leave off, and that's the truth. +And of course my eye for effect has got out. But I don't think I'm +generally as bad as this. It comes of having done myself up in the +train." + +"But, Judy--why?" asked Georgie. She was very shocked, for in those days +only actresses and women no better than they should be made up their +faces. + +"Because I began it so as to keep looking young as long as I could, and +now I no longer care about keeping young-looking I can't drop it. That's +the worst of lots of habits which one starts for some one reason. The +reason for it dies and the habit doesn't. I know I overdo it, but it's +no good my telling myself so. And it doesn't matter much, after all." + +"No," agreed Georgie, brightening; "after all, one loves ones friends +just as much if they have mottled skins or a red nose in a cold wind or +a shiny forehead, so why shouldn't one love them just as much when they +have too much pink and white on? It looks much nicer than too little." + +They both laughed and felt more like the Georgie and Judy of old +days--more so than they were to again. As the days went on Georgie, whom +marriage had taken completely away from the old artistic set, found +herself feeling that after all she was a married woman and Judy was +still only Miss Parminter.... Judy, scenting this, told her flippantly +that a miss was as good as a mother, and Georgie laughed, but warned her +to remember the children were in the room.... Judy was inclined to be +hurt by the needless reminder, and, as she considered it foolish to be +hurt and still more foolish to show it, she went out. + +She found Ishmael reading in the rock garden that had been made by the +stream, which ran along the dip below the house where once had been +rough moorland. Now there were slopes of smooth, vividly green grass and +grey boulders, among which they ran up like green pools; great clusters +of brilliant rock flowers grew in bright patches over their smooth +flanks. Judy sat down beside Ishmael, who closed his book. + +"So you wear those?" she asked, pointing to his glasses, which he had +taken off and was slipping into their case. + +"Yes, I went to the oculist at Plymouth when I went up to see Nicky off. +He said I had splendid sight, but wanted them for close work. I didn't +know you had to wear them." + +"I've known for years and years that I ought. I ought to have as a girl. +I went once to an oculist, who told me if I wore them till I was forty I +could then throw them away. I thought it was so like a man. I preferred +to do without till forty and wear them the rest of my life." + +"But haven't you injured your eyes?" + +"Probably." + +"It isn't all as simple as oculists think," said Ishmael, with that +intuition which is generally called feminine and which had been all his +life his only spark of genius. Judy looked and smiled her old smile, +which charmed as much as ever even on her too-red lips. + +"No," she agreed. "I remember once, after going to that oculist, I tried +to wear glasses one night when I was going out with Joe. That decided +me." + +"What happened?" + +"I was staying in lodgings at the time, in London. It was the first year +I knew how I felt for him. You know about that--that I did? Yes? I was +sure you did. Well, he came to take me out to dinner. The lodgings were +rather horrible, though even they couldn't spoil things for me. And I +was dressing in my room when he came. The sitting-room joined on to it +by folding doors. I called out to him I was still dressing, but as a +matter of fact I was trying to screw myself up to put the beastly things +on. I remember when I went in to him I kept the shady brim of my hat +rather down over my face. The sitting-room was in darkness except for +what light came in from the hall gas. He said, 'Are you ready? Been +beautifying?' I said, 'No, exactly the reverse. I've got my glasses on. +You know I told you I had to wear them sometimes.'" Judy broke off, then +went on, looking away from Ishmael. + +"He said, 'Oh, Lord, take 'em off! Here, let me have a look!' He swung +me round, with his hands on my shoulders, into the light from the hall +gas, and I met his look. 'They might be worse, I suppose, but for +goodness' sake take them off!' he said; 'you don't have to wear them, +you know!' I said nothing, but broke away and went down the steps. He +came after me and continued to look in the street. 'I say, you look just +like your mother in them!' he went on. That was the cruellest thing he +could have said, because he knew my mother ... he only did it because he +did not think I really had to wear them, and he thought it would make me +leave off. I told him what the oculist had said, and he said he would +call on me again after I was forty. I pretended to laugh, but I was +feeling like death. Later on I slipped them off, and he had the tact not +to say anything when he saw what I had done. I never wore them again +with him, and went over the world unable to see the things he was raving +about, and having perpetually to pretend that I did and guess at the +right thing to say. Now--it doesn't matter. I prefer wearing them to +having blinding headaches." + +"It was pretty rotten of him to let it make a difference," said +Ishmael. + +"No, I understand what he felt so well. I knew it myself. There is +always something ridiculous about making love to a woman in glasses. It +destroys atmosphere. If you're married, and either you're so one with +the man that he really does love you through everything or else is so +dull that he doesn't feel their ugliness, it wouldn't make a difference. +But I was not married--he had not the married temperament. And you must +admit that it is impossible to imagine a mistress in glasses...." + +"Don't!" said Ishmael sharply. + +"Don't what? Did you think I was speaking bitterly? I wasn't. There +isn't a scrap of bitterness in me, I'm thankful to say. I couldn't have +lived if there had been. I saw that almost at the beginning, as I did +about jealousy. If you have much to be bitter and jealous about, you +can't be; it would kill you. It's only the people who can indulge in a +little of it who dare to. I have not been unhappy for the most part, and +I wouldn't undo it, which is the great thing. You knew I had given up +having times away with him years ago?" + +"Yes, I wondered why." + +"The thing had somehow lost something ... what is lost in marriage just +the same--rapture, glow, fragrance.... And in marriage, with luck, +something else comes to take its place ... domesticity, which is very +sweet to a woman. Looking after him instead of being looked after--a +deep quiet something. You and Georgie are getting it. But in a relation +outside marriage you can't get that. You can in those extraordinary +_menages_ in France where the little mistress is so domesticated and +lives with her lover for years, but that would have been as bad to him +as marriage. So I thought it was best to let it all come to an end. It +wasn't easy, for though I had got so that it was torture to be with +him, because all the time I was feeling our dead selves between us, yet +directly I was away I knew that, even though he was the man he was and I +the me I had become, we were still nearer to what had been than anything +else could be. But I did it. It was only when he was dying I went to +Paris to him." + +"And that...?" + +"Oh, it was quite a success. I don't mean to be brutal, but it was. He +was glad to have me, and showed it.... A deathbed is so terribly +egoistic; it can't be helped, but he forgot himself more than ever +before. I was touched profoundly, but all the time I saw that he was +rising to the occasion without knowing it himself. Not that he was +emotional; he was never that. But he showed me something deeper than he +ever had before. With all his passion he was always so English, always +so much the critic, in spite of his powers of enjoyment. He had always +made love in caresses, never in words. Till this last time, as he was +dying." + +Judy was speaking in a quiet voice that sounded as though all her tears +had been shed, yet they were pouring down her face, making havoc of the +paint and powder, of which she was quite aware and for which she cared +not at all. Ishmael thought she had never shown her triumphant +naturalness, her stark candour, more finely. As on that evening when he +had met her in Paradise Lane, he was conscious that they understood each +other almost as well as anyone ever can understand any other human +being, because they were in some respects so alike. Something quiet and +incurably reserved in him--he could never have talked as bravely as she +did--yet was the same as the quality in her that enabled her to bear her +secret relations with Killigrew, that had enabled her to break those +relations off when she thought it best. And now she seemed to have won +through to some calm, he wondered what it was and how she had come to +it.... + +"What you said about marriage," he said at last, "struck me rather. It's +true. One loses something, but one finds something." + +"Marriage, even the most idealistic of marriages, must blunt the edges +to a certain extent," said Judy. "You may call it growing into a saner, +more wholesome, view of life, or you may call it a blunting of the +edges--the fact is the same. Marriage is a terribly clumsy institution, +but it's the most possible way this old world has evolved. It always +comes back to it after brave but fated sallies into other paths." + +"Such as yours?" asked Ishmael. It was impossible to pretend to fence +with honesty such as hers. + +"No, not such as mine, because I cannot say I did it for any exalted +reason, such as wishing to reform the world. I had no splendid ideas on +mutual freedom or anything like that. I did it simply because I loved +Joe and it was the only way I could have him without making him tired of +me and unhappy. It had to be secret, not only because the sordidness of +wagging tongues would have spoilt it so, but because my life would have +been so unbearable in the world. A woman's sin is always blamed so +heavily. That's a commonplace, isn't it? Yet a woman's sin should be the +more forgivable. She sins because it is _the_ man; he sins because it is +_a_ woman." + +"Sin!" said Ishmael. "Don't you get to that point in life when the word +'sin' becomes extraordinarily meaningless, like the word 'time' in that +chapter of Ecclesiastes where it occurs so often that when one comes to +the end of the chapter 't-i-m-e' means nothing to one. Sin seems to come +so often in life it grows meaningless too." + +"Sin, technically speaking, does, to all but the theologian; but playing +the game, doing the decent thing, not only to others, but to oneself, +and keeping one's spiritual taste unspoiled, these things remain, and +they really mean the same." + +"I suppose they do. I like talking to you, Judy. It's not like talking +to a woman, although one's conscious all the time that you are very much +of a woman. But you seem to meet one on common ground." + +"There's not so much difference between men and women as people are apt +to think. People are always saying 'men are more this and women are more +that' when really it's the case of the individual, irrespective of sex. +A favourite cry is that men are more selfish. I really rather doubt it. +Perhaps, if one must generalise, men are more selfish and women are more +egotistical, and of the two the former is the easier vice to overcome. +But all this talk of men and women, women and men, seems to me like +something I was in the middle of years ago, and that now means nothing." + +"What does mean anything to you now?" + +"I'm not quite sure I can tell you yet," said Judy slowly; "and I don't +think it would be any good to you--there'd be too much against it. What +does mean anything to you, personally?" + +"I don't know.... I only know that for real youth again, for perfect +ease of body, I would give everything short of my immortal soul." + +"Ah! then you still feel the soul's the most important?" + +"Part of me does--the part of me that responds to the truth, which is +going on all the time, with us if we like, without us if not, but which +is surely there. It's because I know it's there, even though my longings +are out of key with it, that I still say that about the soul." + +They went up into the house, and that night Georgie, whether because +some feminine jealousy that he talked so much with Judy was stinging at +her, or whether because even without that spur she would have felt some +old stirring of warmth, was sweeter to him than for long past. As he +held her against him he was aware that it was not so much passion he +felt as that deeper, sweeter something Judy had spoken of, and for the +first time he felt free to savour it instead of half-resenting it as a +loss of glamour. + +This was a satisfying companionship he had of Georgie, a sweet thing +without which life would have been emptier, even if it settled no +problems and left untouched the lonely spaces which no human foot can +range in their entirety, though in youth some one step may make them +tremble throughout their shining floors.... It was good, though it was +not the whole of life, and as he took it he gave thanks for the varied +relationships in the world which added so to its richness, even if they +could only impinge upon its outer edges. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +THE PARSON'S PHILOSOPHY + + +That summer the Parson began to show signs of breaking up. Judith had +been struck by the change in him when she came down, a change less plain +to those who were seeing him often, but startlingly distinct to her who +had not seen him for so long. She took up her friendship, that had begun +on that evening when he had found her in the church, in the place where +it had left off, and this was somewhat to the credit of both, since it +transpired that during the past year Judy had been received into the +Roman Catholic Church. Judith was quiet about her religion as she had +been about her love. She had not accepted it in any spirit of there +being nothing else left for her now in life, as the vulgar-natured would +have supposed had they known her history; neither was it because, most +frequent accusation of the ignorant, it appealed to the sensuous side of +her. For ritual she cared as little as the Parson, and by preference she +always went to low Mass instead of to a high Mass. She had found +something that for her had been hitherto hidden, and Boase saw it and +was glad. It was noteworthy that it was to him and not to Ishmael she +spoke of it. Georgie, with all her dearness, was almost too prosperous +to understand. Judy radiated an inner joy that Ishmael had not attained +and that Georgie had never felt the need of. That joy had not been won +until her feet had trod stranger ways than her friends at Cloom ever +imagined. Often she was seized by a pang of conscience that they should +admire her as a creature above everything honest and courageous ... for +there was more to know of her now than her relation with Killigrew. She +knew how the single-heartedness of that had absolved her in their eyes; +but for what it had plunged her in they would have had less +comprehension. For it was not in a nature so essentially womanly as +Judith's to be content with sex-starvation once passion had been aroused +in her, and the irony of it all was that she, who had not for several +years awoken to stirred senses with the man she loved, was unable to +stifle their urgency after she had left him. + +From slight dalliance with first one man and then another, she had +progressed to the greater intimacies, ashamed but unfighting. Till at +last the pricking thing had begun to grow fainter and her will stronger +and she was able to break away. She hid the truth and kept up the old +tradition of having loved only once, partly because it was true she had +not felt actual love again, but partly for vanity's sake.... + +It was not that she was vain of the romantic figure she seemed to her +friends; it was a more deadly thing than that. She was vain of the +quality of her past love. Too much had been made of it, and she would +have been more than human had she succeeded altogether in escaping the +temptation to visualise herself as the tragic survivor of a great +passion. And to this had she come, although her love had been so +real.... + +Ishmael never again during that visit felt quite the easy intimacy with +Judy that he had touched that day by the stream, though as the next few +years went on and her visits became a regular thing to look forward to +there was built up between them a fabric of friendship that grew to be +something unique to both. Those things which had happened to Judy had +taught her every tolerance and sympathy. + +They were not on the whole bad, those years that followed. Nicky, after +writing more or less regularly, suddenly announced his intention of +coming home again, and Ishmael was filled with a joy that no personal +thing had had power to wake in him since the boy had gone. The thought +of Nicky had seldom been far from him; always it was with the idea of +Nicky in the forefront of his mind that he worked for Cloom. When he had +first taken on the idea of Cloom as the central scheme of his life it +had been for Cloom itself, or rather for the building up of an ideal +Cloom which his father's conduct had shattered. Now he realised that if +he had had no son to inherit after him his work would not have held the +same deep significance for him, even though it was not with any +conscious idea of a son that he had started on his task. Now, since +Nicky's departure, he had begun to see how incomplete the whole scheme +would have been without him, how incomplete it would still be if Nicky +wanted to wander all his days, or if modernity and the new country over +the sea should have come to mean more to him than the old. He knew by +Nicky's letter that this was not so, and his heart sang within him. For +days after the letter came a glamour that to his eyes the world had lost +illuminated it once again. + +The 'nineties, young and go-ahead as they felt to themselves, did not +seem to Ishmael nearly as wonderful as the 'seventies, which had seen so +much deeper changes. This world--in which people now moved so +complacently talking of Ibsen and Wilde, of weird Yellow Books of which +he heard from Judith, and many other things all designated as +_fin-de-siecle_--he had seen it in the making. The very children growing +up in his house, the plump little Ruth and the clever, impatient Lissa, +they thought they knew so much more than he did because they had been +born so much later; and so in a way they did, in as much as the younger +generation always sees more truly because it has not had time to collect +so many prejudices, but can come straight and fresh to setting right +the problems of the world. But what Lissa and Ruth did not yet realise +as he did was that the day would come when children born in the new +century would look upon them with a gentle pity. + +On the day the letter came from Nicky, nearly two years after he had +gone away, Ishmael went over to see Boase and tell him the news. The +Parson could not often get over to Cloom Manor now, but it was the +highest tribute to him that not only Ishmael and Judy and Georgie, when +she could spare the time, but the children too, considered a visit to +the Parson in the light of a pleasure. Boase knew it and was glad--even +his sturdy aloofness and self-reliance would have felt a pang at being +called on for decency's sake. + +Ishmael found Boase lying on the long chair in his study, that for him +always held something, some smell or atmosphere of the mind, that +carried him back to his childhood. He felt in the midst of the old days +again at once, when he was not looking at Boase, who was grown very old, +his once rather square face and blunt features having taken on a +transparency of texture that was in itself ageing, while his hair, +sparse about the big brow, was a creamy white like froth. Boase called +to Ishmael, recognising his step, to take off his wet things in the +hall, for it was raining hard, with that whole-hearted rain of the West +which when it begins seems as though it could never stop again. That was +a wet summer, when the stalks of the growing harvest were flattened to +the earth and the corn sprouted green in the ear and the hay rotted on +the ground before ever it could be carried. Ishmael had to be careful +about getting wet since that night when he had run to the burning of +Angwin's ricks, and he did not scorn the Parson's offer of a pair of +shabby old slippers that lurked under the hall chair for just such +occasions as this. + +It seemed to Ishmael that if he had not been feeling such a different +being himself he might have been a little boy again and time never have +moved on from the days when he lived here with the Parson and did his +lessons in this room. Outside the shrubs bent before the rainy wind, as +they had done so many times before his childish eyes; the scrap of lawn +visible between them showed as sopping and as green; the fuchsia had +grown bigger; but its purple and scarlet blossoms, so straightly +pendant, each held a drop of clear water at the tip, as they had ever +done in weather such as this. Within the room might be a little fuller, +a little smaller, whether owing to the Parson's untidiness, with which +the new housekeeper could not cope as well as had old Mrs. Tippet, long +dead, or whether to the shrinking that takes place in rooms after +childhood is passed, Ishmael could not have told. Three walls were still +lined with dusty golden-brown books that he had been wont to describe as +smelling of bad milk pudding, and the shabby green tablecloth was +littered with sermon paper and more books just as it had been for his +lessons. He almost expected to see Vassie's golden head, no more alien +from him than his own boyish dark one, bending over it as he looked. + +Boase held out a thin hand to him, laying down the book he had been +reading, after slipping a marker in the place. Ishmael saw it was a new +book from the library. "Robert Elsmere" was the name upon its cover. + +"What good thing has happened?" asked Boase, watching Ishmael's face. + +"Padre, you are too clever; if you had lived a few centuries earlier you +would certainly have been burned alive! Nicky is coming home." + +"That is splendid news! He has been away quite long enough to be good." + +"For him?" + +"No, for you. You are getting stodgy, Ishmael." + +Ishmael laughed, but felt rather annoyed all the same. + +"What is one to do? I am growing old." + +"Nonsense! Have the decency to remember that compared with me you are a +young man. Wait till you are close on eighty and then see how you feel +about it." + +Ishmael had a quick feeling that after all he was young compared with +this frail, burning whiteness, yet it seemed to him that he could never +be as old as that, that then indeed life could not be worth living. +Aloud he said mechanically: + +"You? You are always young." + +"Age does not matter when you are really old; it is only the getting old +that matters," said Boase; "it is like death. No one minds being dead; +it's the dying that appals. But seriously, my dear boy, what really +matters is to have the quality of youth. Don't lose that." + +"I'm not sure I ever had it," said Ishmael slowly, sitting down by the +long chair. + +"Perhaps not. You were acutely young, which is not quite the same thing. +Our friend Killigrew had the quality of youth. One can say of him that +he died young. I think your Nicky has that quality too. That's why he'll +be so good for you." + +"What about the girls? Aren't they enough to save my soul alive?" + +"Oh, well, girls are never quite the same thing. A father loves his +daughters if anything more than his sons, but it's as a father and not +as a fellow human. You know, I've seen a good deal of Judith this +summer; she's always good at coming and talking to an old man, and what +interests me about her is that she keeps so fluid. I mean that she never +sticks where she was. I don't want you to either. You came in the days +of Ruskin and Pater and of great men politically, but I don't want you +to stick there. There's no merit in being right at one time in one's +life if one sticks to that rightness after it has lost its significance. +You know, a stopped clock is right twice every twenty-four hours, but +it's a rightness without value. Keep fluid, Ishmael. It is the only +youth." + +"Is that why you're reading 'Robert Elsmere'?" asked Ishmael, with a +smile. + +"Exactly. I'm not going to change what feeds my soul daily for what is +offered me between these covers, but that's not the point. One can +always discriminate, but one should always give oneself things to +discriminate between." + +There was a short silence, which the Parson broke. "I too have had a +letter," he said, and there was something in his voice which made +Ishmael aware of a portent beyond the ordinary. "From Archelaus ..." +added Boase. + +"From Archelaus?" echoed Ishmael. The name came upon him like the name +of one dead, it seemed to him that when they spoke of Killigrew they +touched more upon the living than when they mentioned Archelaus. "Why +does he write?" he added; and his voice sounded harsh and dry even to +his own ears, so that he felt a little shame at himself. + +"He has met Nicky in Canada." + +"I thought Archelaus had gone West in the States, if he were still alive +at all. I was beginning to think something must have happened to him. No +one has heard for so long. He took a funny idea into his head at one +time to write to Georgie, whom he had never seen--queer letters, telling +very little, full of sly remarks one couldn't get the rights of." +Ishmael paused, waiting for the Parson to produce the letter and show it +him, but Boase made no move. "It's funny Nicky never mentioned it," went +on Ishmael with an odd little note that was almost jealousy in his +voice.... + +"He says he did not tell Nicky who he was," said the Parson reluctantly. +"I think there is more good in that queer, distorted creature than you +think for, Ishmael. Seeing the boy seems to have roused him to old +feelings of home.... He writes oddly, but in a strain that is not +wholly base." + +"I can't make out why he wants to write to you at all, Padre; he always +hated you, blamed you so ... for the marriage and all that." + +"There is not much accounting for the vagaries of a man like that. Your +father thought to be ironic when he had you called Ishmael; he saw every +man's hand against you--you the youngest and the one against so many. +And you have made a strong, secure life for yourself and your children, +and it is Archelaus who wanders...." + +"Archelaus would always have wandered. He has it in his soul. Do you +remember the day Killigrew was classifying men by whether they wandered +or stayed at home? He was right about Archelaus then. Da Boase--you +don't think I could have behaved any differently to him, do you? He +wouldn't be friends. That time in the wood ... you know ... I always +knew in my heart that he had hit out at me, though I was so afraid of +really knowing it that I never spoke of it even to you. And then when he +came home after my marriage to poor little Phoebe--he made the first +advances, it's true, but I never felt happy about them, although he +seemed so altered. I've reproached myself sometimes that I was glad when +he went away after she died. I always hoped he wouldn't come back any +more. What else could I do, Da Boase?" + +"I too hope he will never come home any more," said the Parson slowly, +"and yet ... if he does, try and remember, Ishmael ... not that he is +your brother--that would not make things easier--but that he is not +quite an ordinary man, that in him the old brutalities dormant in most +of us have always been strong and that he has had nothing to counteract +them. He is not quite as we are. If we cannot understand we should not +judge." + +Again a little silence fell. Then Ishmael said suddenly: + +"What does feed your soul, Da Boase? I shouldn't have asked you that," +he added swiftly. "Besides, I know. But though I know, and though I +believe in it too, yet I can't yet find all I want in it." + +Boase lay silent, looking out of the rainy window at the wash of green +and pearly grey without. His hand caressed Ishmael's as though he had +been a little boy again. + +"That feeds my soul from which my soul came ..." he said slowly, "and +daily the vision draws nearer to me and its reflection here strengthens +even to my earthly eyes. This world is dear and sweet, but only because +I know that it is not all, or even the most important part. Each day is +the sweeter to me because each day I can say 'Come quickly, O Lord +Jesus.' I do not need to say to you all that knowledge means." + +The rain had blown away when Ishmael went home again, yet it seemed to +him he went with a more anxious heart than that with which he had set +out. Boase had seemed to him like someone who is almost gone already, +whose frail envelope must soon be burned through, and it had come to him +that no one could ever take his place. Killigrew he was missing as much +now as when he died, because though he had not seen him so very often, +yet Killigrew and he had each stood for something to the other that no +one else could quite supply, and so his going had left a sense of loss +that time did nothing to fill. But with Boase it was more than that. +There was something in Ishmael which Boase had fathered and which knew +and recognised its spiritual paternity. His mind had taken much colour +from Killigrew, but from Boase it had taken form. He felt that that +afternoon in the stuffy study he had touched something he had almost +forgotten, that had slipped rather out of his life for the past years, +since Nicky had been growing up: a significance, a sense of some plan of +which he had caught glimpses in his youth and had since forgotten. + +As he went through the wet world it seemed to him as though he were +once again the same Ishmael who had so often gone this way long years +ago, when the soul behind life had still intrigued him more than the +manifestations of life itself. Whether it was that that afternoon in the +study had awakened with sharper poignancy than ever before the +remembrance of his youth, that some aspect of the room, with its musty +books, its fire and the driving rain without, had awakened in him a +forgotten memory of a day that had once held actual place in his life +but had long since been lost, awakened it through the mere material +agencies of the sense of smell and sight: or whether the Parson had +touched him in some atrophied cord that had rung more freely in days +gone by, the effect was the same. + +As he went it was as though time had ceased to exist, as though he +caught some vision of the whole pattern as one rhythmic weaving, and not +isolated bits disconnected with each other. The sensation mounted to his +brain and told him that time itself was a mere fashion of thought, that +he was walking in some period he could not place. He remembered the day +when the Neck had been cried, and it had seemed to him that the moment +was so acute it could never leave off being the present and slip into +the past; he remembered the first day at St. Renny when he was staring +at the sunbeam and feeling that that at least would go on spell-bound +for ever; he remembered that moment when, on his return to Cloom, he had +gone over the fields with John-James and, looking once more on the same +field, had recalled that first moment, and smiled to see how it had +slipped away and was gone. He had smiled without thinking that first +moment akin to the second one in which he was, whereas now he saw how +the one had led to the other and both to this ... and how they were all +so much one that none seemed further off than another. The word +"present" lost significance in such a oneness as this. It came to him +that this sense of completeness, of inevitable pattern, was what the +Parson felt, what enabled him to wait so tranquilly. + +Ishmael mounted the long slope and stood looking down upon Cloom, and it +seemed to him the fabric of a dream. So strong upon him was the sense of +loss of the time-sense that the place-sense also reeled and slipped to a +different angle in his mind. He saw how in a far-off field at the crest +of the further slope serried rows of washing were laid out, looking so +oddly like gravestones that the surface of his mind took it for a +cemetery until, pricked to a more normal consciousness, he realised that +there could be no such thing there, but only a field belonging to a farm +of his own. Even then it seemed to him that he was wandering in an +unfamiliar country, with a something unreal about it that gave it a +dreamlike quality. The sky was by now a deep slate colour; below it the +yellow of the road and the green of the fields showed a bleached pallor, +and on the telegraph poles that rose and dipped to the crest the china +insulators looked like motionless white birds against the darkness. He +went on and down to his house; but all the while he knew that this was +not his real habitation, that the house Boase was building daily, stone +by stone, was for him too the ultimate bourne, that house which, in some +other dimension, only glimpsed here to the dazzling of the mind, is +straightened by neither time nor place as we understand them. He knew +it, but not yet for him did the knowledge hold any peace--rather it sent +a chill of helplessness to his heart. He still wanted something in this +world, and not in the next, to make the inner joy by which he lived. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +"SOMETHING MUST COME TO ALL OF US" + + +With autumn Boase died. Like his life, his death seemed so natural, so +without any sense of strain or outrage, that it was robbed, even for the +man who had loved him, of all bitterness beyond that of personal loss. +He had not gone uncriticised more than can anyone; there were not a few +of the country people too coarse of grain to understand a man's life +could really be as his appeared, and a certain capriciousness in his own +likes and dislikes, which was one of his greatest weaknesses, had made +for him intolerant critics among his own class. Yet, all in all, he was +as near perfection, not only in character, but in understanding, as +anyone Ishmael had ever heard of--far more so than anyone he had ever +met. And of later years the Parson had grown in tolerance, which always +to him had been a Christian duty--though it was far from being a weak or +maudlin tolerance; and he had also lost much of that individualism which +had been the only thing to cloud his judgment. More than most old men he +had been free from glorification of the past, though not as free as he +himself imagined. Something of Ishmael had gone with Killigrew's going, +but that something had hardly included much of his heart; now there was +buried with the Parson, or, more truly, strove to follow him whither he +had gone, a love which was as single-natured a thing as can be felt. The +return of Nicky was the only thing which at all filled the emptiness in +Ishmael's days. + +Nicky had altered, and for the better, if, thought Ishmael, it was not +the mere selfishness of the old generation which had ever made him feel +Nicky needed improvement. This deepening, this added manliness, would +after all have been superhuman in the boy who had gone away. Nicky had +lived roughly among rough men, and he had stood the test well. He still +had the delightful affectations of youth, but wore them with a better +grace. He came back not only the heir and future master of Cloom, but a +man who could have won his way in the world without so many acres behind +him. He was full of new ideas for farming, which he had imbibed in +Saskatchewan, and Ishmael, with a smile of dry amusement against +himself, found he was as suspicious of them as ever John-James had been +of his iron ploughs and Jersey cows. Farming being "the thing" in +Canada, Nicky, who had gone away rather despising it, came back eager to +try his hand. + +When Ishmael had first started machinery at Cloom, beginning with a +binder and going on to a steam thresher that he hired out for the +harvest all around the district, the hedges had been black with folk +crowding to see the wonders, just as they had when the first traction +engine made its appearance in West Penwith. Yet Cornishmen, who are +conservative creatures, still cling to their straight-handled scythes, +although they are less convenient than those with curved handles in use +up-country. Nicky had small use for customs such as this, and he poured +forth ideas that would have turned John-James pale, if anything could +have affected his seamed and weather-beaten countenance. + +John-James was an old man now--he had aged quickly with his outdoor +life; but always he refused to let Ishmael pension him off, and though +as overseer he had a wage passing any paid in the county, and though he +lived comfortably enough in his little cottage chosen by himself, with a +tidy body who came in from the village every day to attend to his wants, +he still showed all the premature ageing of the countryman. He had +never married, and with age had taken many queer ways, one of them being +a rooted dislike to having any woman except his sister Vassie in his +house. Georgie was never allowed to cross its threshold, and he always +called her "Mrs. Ruan." The two little girls he adored, and they knew he +was their uncle, though with the unquestioning faith of childhood they +accepted that he lived alone in a little cottage like a working man +because he was eccentric and mustn't be worried to live as father did. +Ishmael was very fond of this brother--as fond as John-James' rigid +taciturnity would let him be. John-James' chief peculiarity was +displayed always during the week's holiday he took every year; on each +day of this week he would make a pilgrimage to some cemetery. A new +graveyard was an unfailing magnet for him; he would spend hours there +and return next year to note what new headstones had taken root. "Why on +earth do you want to go and spend all your holiday in cemeteries, +John-James?" Georgie had once asked him; "you'll have to be there for +ever and ever some day; why do you want to go before you have to?" +John-James, attired in his best broadcloth, with a bowler hat firmly +fixed above his weather-beaten face, stared at her stonily "I go to the +graveyards," he said at length, "because them be the only places where +folks mind their own business...." + +Tom had quite dropped out of the family circle made by Ishmael, Vassie, +and John-James. He found the annoyance of not being received in the same +circles as Ishmael and Vassie too irksome to him--who, he not unfairly +considered, had done so much the best and with the greatest handicaps. +The day when he came over to Cloom and found Lord Luxullyan and +John-James having tea together was too much for his grasp of social +values, and he straightway bought a practice in Plymouth, where he did +very well and rose to be an alderman, though the gleaming eminence of +mayor never was to be for him. He married the daughter of a rich +draper--in "the wholesale"--and as soon as he could afford it he dropped +all doubtful practices and became strictly honest in his profession. + +Of all the family, Vassie, who had started out with a more defined +character than the others, was the least changed. She was eminently +successful--had been ever since she met Flynn and determined to marry +him. She had made him a good wife, for he was one of those men who need +feminine encouragement, and with all his brilliance would never have got +so far without her to encourage him. He was not to be one of the great +men of his day, but he had done well, having attained an +Under-Secretaryship under Gladstone's last Administration, which he +continued under Lord Rosebery. With the advent of the Conservative party +in '95 he retired, though still only sixty, and busied himself with a +small estate he had bought in Ireland, where he intended to work out his +schemes for model Utopian tenancies. Vassie was irked by the change. She +had carried into middle life her superabundant energy--her love of being +in the eye of the world. She had no children to occupy her--her only +real quarrel with life--and it did not suit her to sit in Ireland while +her once flaming Dan played with model villages and made notes for his +reminiscences. He had, as flaming dreamers often do, fallen onto the +dreams without the fire, and, having attained a certain amount of his +ideals, was better pleased to sit and look backwards over those which +had not materialised than to face a losing struggle in their cause. + +Vassie tried all her wiles to induce him to come to London after the +first year in retirement, and at last she was able to assure him that +she was not feeling well. The symptoms were but slight to begin with--a +tinge of rheumatism in one leg, which annoyed without incapacitating +her. The rheumatism became so fierce that the local doctor at last +decided it must be neuritis, and when the pain became increasingly +acute and frequent he grew alarmed and insisted on a London opinion. +Vassie herself felt a pang of fear, and it was a genuine terror she +carried to the grim house in Harley Street a few days later. The next +week she was at Cloom. + +Ishmael was shocked at the change in her. Her hair, that had still shown +its old brassy hue when last he had seen her at the time of the fall of +the Government, was now a faded grey--that harsh green-grey that fair +hair nearly always turns to on its way to white. There were hollows +under her eyes, and her full mouth looked drawn. She smiled at his +shocked exclamation that he could not suppress. + +"Don't look like that!" she told him. "The doctor says it's not +hopeless, or wouldn't be if I'd let them operate." + +"It? What is it?" asked Ishmael. + +"Tuberculosis in the knee. They want me to have my leg off, and I won't. +You don't want me to, do you, Ishmael? I'd rather die whole if I've got +to." + +He had felt all his blood rush to his head with the horror of it; his +heart pounded sickeningly, a darkness swirled before his eyes. Vassie +linked her arm in his and walked him up and down the lawn in front of +the house; from within they could hear the steady rumble of Dan's voice +as he talked to Georgie. Ishmael could not trust himself to speak. +Vassie was very dear to him, though there had been few caresses between +them during their lives. She stood for something to him no one else ever +had, even as she did for John-James. She had never been popular with +women--Phoebe had feared her, Georgie called her hard and coarse; but +to men, though with all her beauty she had been very unattractive to +them as far as her sex went, she meant a good deal as a friend. Judith +and she were the only two of the old set who had ever been really +intimate, and that was more a curious kinship between them, a mutual +respect born out of the strength each recognised in the other's very +different character, than anything warmer. But to Ishmael and John-James +she still held the glow that for them had enwrapped her even in early +days when her destiny was only clear cut in her own mind, and when her +hardness, commented on by others, was to them an unknown quantity. When +she turned it towards them it became strength, and it did not need +caresses to tell Ishmael that what of tenderness she possessed was more +for him than for anyone else in the world. She felt more his equal than +she did with Dan, whom she alternately despised, with the kindly despite +of a wife, and respected for qualities of brain that were beyond her +practical reach. She always had to explain to Dan, to Ishmael never. She +slipped her arm through his now and gave it a little hug. + +"Don't worry! After all something must come to all of us," she said. + +The phrase knocked at Ishmael's heart. "Something must come to all of +us...." Everyone had to die of something, from some outrage on nature. +There had to be some convulsion out of the ordinary course to bring it +about; cases where the human machine simply ran down, as with the +Parson, were rare. This horror was lying in wait for all--the manner of +their leaving. It was astonishing, looked at in cold blood, that people +lived and were gay and happy with this hanging over them from their +birth onwards. He realised that it was this fact--that only by some +disruption of the ordinary course could death come--which had always +made death seem so unnatural to him. He had for a flash the feeling that +every woman, however maternal, has when she knows she is to have a +baby--a feeling of being caught in something that will not let one go. +"Something must come to all of us...." + +Her "something" had come to Vassie. She had to submit to the operation, +but, though she rallied from it, no real good could be done, and the end +became merely a question of time. She did not kick against the pricks, +as Ishmael had done all his life; she accepted it all with a certain +stoicism that was not without its grandeur, and, though she became very +irritable, she had moments of greater softening than ever before. She +was dying when the clouds of the coming war with the South African +Republics first began to lower over the country. The Flynns were in +London, for Vassie was now too ill ever to think of crossing over to +Ireland again, but she suddenly took it into her head to wish to be +taken down to Cloom. This was when she heard the news that Nicky, who +had been a volunteer for some time, had enlisted in the Duke of +Cornwall's Light Infantry. She had always been very attached to him, +spending upon him what of thwarted motherhood she alone knew, and he for +his part had responded to her rather more than he did to most people. +Ishmael was wired to, and in November of '99, a month after the +declaration of war, Dan brought her down with a couple of hospital +nurses and she was installed in the biggest and sunniest room at Cloom. + +With Nicky's absorption into the Army and Vassie's incursion hard upon +the edge of her final parting Ishmael was more strangely affected than +by anything that had happened merely to himself in his whole life. The +approach of death for Vassie, the perpetual chance of it for Nicky, gave +him the fulness of life, in so far as life means the power to feel. He +had thought the loss of power to feel for himself an inevitable part of +age, as it had been of the thickening and greater materialism of middle +life; but now he knew that never had he been ravaged as now, because +never before had he encountered fear for someone he loved. + +Bitter loss, the loss of disappointment which at the time the soul tells +one is worse than loss by death, he had known over Blanche; pain, +anger, hardness, with his family he could not have missed; horror and +remorse had both assailed him over Phoebe; natural sorrow that held no +sense of outrage he had felt for the loss of Killigrew and Boase. But +this was something different--this aching sense of helplessness, of a +passion of protectiveness that could avail neither Vassie under his roof +nor Nicky on the far veldt. He had not been of those who are insensitive +to the pain of the world--rather had it held too much of his sympathies; +but now, in the sublime selfishness of great personal grief, he felt he +would give everything--the war, the whole rest of the world--to have +Nicky back in safety. That was only at first, or when the fear was +strongest; at other times his sense of proportion and knowledge of how +Nicky himself would feel towards such a sentiment, brought him to a +truer poise. + +The war dragged on. The nation began to see that it was not to be the +"walk-over" so confidently expected; disasters occurred, long sieges +wore the folk at home even as those in the beleaguered towns, growls +against the Government were raised, people talked of "muddling through," +and every barrel-organ in the land ground out "Soldiers of the Queen" +and "The Absent-minded Beggar." Then the world went mad and mafficked, +felt a little ashamed of itself, and became, for the first time for +years, rather usefully introspective and self-critical. And "Nicky ... +Nicky ... Nicky ..." beat out every swing of the pendulum of Time at +Cloom. + +Between the beats of intensest feeling Ishmael would fall into the arid +spaces which all deep emotion holds as a strongly-running sea holds +hollows--spaces where it did not seem to matter so much after all, when +in a dry far-off way he could tell himself that nothing really made any +difference in life. From these hollows he came up again as a man comes +floating into consciousness after chloroform--recalled by a sense of +pain. He had one of these spaces just after Vassie had been buried, and +all the time he was consoling Dan's frantic and noisy sorrow he was +feeling a hypocrite, because, so he told himself, he really did not +care. He did care, and deeply, but he was making the mistake of thinking +that any grief can go the whole way, that all else in life can possibly +be blotted out. True instinct told him it could not, that all of life +could never fall in ashes round the head even when it was bowed in +irrevocable loss; but a remnant of the conventional made him feel as +though it ought to, and this made him distrust what grief he felt. His +thought for Nicky, even when he was in his dry spaces, he always knew +was eating at him. When, with peace, came the expectation of Nicky's +return in safety, it seemed to Ishmael that never before had he known +all that fatherhood meant. Cloom, the future, all that he had worked for +all his life, would surely come back with Nicky. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +EARTH + + +"When Nicky comes home" grew to be the watchword in the household at +Cloom. The two girls, clever Lissa and thoughtful Ruth, were now grown +up, and far from the childish griefs of postponed drives; they had built +up a very pretty legend round the figure of Nicky these three years of +the war. Ruth had copied out his letters from South Africa and made a +manuscript book of them, that Lissa, who was "going in" for +craftsmanship, bound in khaki with the badge of the D.C.L.I. on the +cover, and they gave it to their father with great pomp. All of life +centred round "when Nicky comes home." He had done very well, having +gained a commission and won a D.S.O., and there was talk of a public +reception in Penzance for him and the rest of the local heroes. + +One day Nicky came home, but with a wife, and the homecoming was +consequently quite unlike everything that had been planned. The girls +declared loudly that he had spoilt everything and that they had wanted +him to themselves, though privately Ruth thought Marjorie very +fascinating. + +Marjorie was a Colonial by birth--a good-looking, vigorous modern young +woman, with a rather twangy voice. She admired Cloom so much as an +antique that her enthusiasm seemed somehow to belittle it. Yet there was +something splendid about her--in her confidence and poise, her candour, +her superb health, and the simplicity of her thoughts. Ishmael could not +but think her the perfect wife for Cloom and the future of Cloom. She +would bring fresh, clear blood to the old stock, which showed signs of +falling on unhealth. For the first time in his thirty-odd years Nicky +was in contact with someone he admired more than himself, and the result +was excellent. His early discontent had settled into ambition--the +limited honest ambition of the country gentleman such as Ishmael would +most have wished to see in him. Canada and the war between them had +carried him far from the politics of his father--as far as Ishmael had +found himself from Boase long ago; and when a bye-election occurred in +the division he stood for it in the Unionist interests, and won, his +honours still thick upon him, even in that Radical locality. He was now +growing more and more to be master of Cloom, taking an interest in it +even during his inevitable absences in town, Ishmael falling into the +background; for his sixty years, though vigorous within him if he took +care of himself, made him suffer for any violent exertion. + +He had slipped into the background--to all but Georgie. She kept pace +with him, although so much younger, because in him she saw her own +youth. Her children had grown up and away from her as children must, and +she clung to her husband as she had not been wont to do when the +practical affairs of a family had absorbed more of her attention. + +Ishmael endeavoured to live up to the Parson's advice and keep fluid, +and his naturally mobile nature helped him in this. Where and when he +did fall short, as the inevitable prejudices of age in favour of the +ways it knows arose in him, he at least could see it and smile at +himself. But, following on the intense period of personal feeling he had +lived through while Nicky was at the war, had come the inevitable +reaction, and from that reaction, as far as the capacity for any +outstanding emotion went, he was too old to recover. + +He had learned the lesson of life too well, saw the whole pattern with +too great clarity. This alone would have relegated him to the +background, for it is the frame of mind which, when it is temperamental +from the outset, makes the looker-on at life; while when it is attained +it creates the person to whom other people come for sympathy and help in +matters that seem to them enormously important, even while they appeal +to the wider view for better proportion. + +He was in the background; but he was not yet content to be there. He was +content to be thought a person who could have feelings that started and +ended in others--even as a young man he had worked for that; but he had +not filled in his background with anything that satisfied the portion of +himself, which, even if a man live for others ever so completely, still +clamours for satisfaction. Every part of him that was in relation to +others had adjusted, but that one spot which always answers to the self +alone was merely going on from day to day as best it could. He was +content to have no burning emotions, no strong longings, to be +considered less important than themselves by all the younger people +amongst whom he lived, but within him the voice that says "I am I ... I +still want something for myself alone, some solution of the riddle, +something to make up for loss of youth and beauty and strength," still +stirred and muttered. Not prosperity, not children, not a wife who took +step by step with him, could give this, or even help him to find out +what it was. Not his memory of what the Parson had lived and died by +could fill him wholly; he had not yet come to that perfect satisfaction, +life was too insistent in him. Not in the next world, or in any personal +contact, however intimate, in this, could the stuff of life be found. He +had imagined while Nicky was away that after all he too had attained the +personal fusion that most people seemed to cling to as the chief support +in life, but now he knew that that way was not for him any more than +for any other at the loneliest pass. + +A few days after Nicky's triumphant election, when thought was once more +possible at Cloom, Ishmael felt more depressed than he had for long; he +had been living not so much in the valleys as upon the straight plains +of late. To-day his eyes were hurting him and he could not read; there +was no work crying to be done, and the heavy warm air was misted with +damp that seemed to melt into the bones. He went out, shaking off +Georgie's protests, and struck up the valley leading from the sea. The +old mood was on him that had recurred again and again through life--the +mood when nothing would satisfy but to go out alone and walk and walk +and breathe in peace from earth and air. He went on, not walking fast, +for the depression that was on him was not like a definite grief that +urges the body to fierce exertion, and as he went it was as though he +had neglected the charm too long and it was going to fail him. A blight +seemed to hang upon everything, and a dread that had no form but that +pressed on him grew as he went. + +He came at last to the marshy bottom of the valley, where the wet and +tussocky grass was set in a tangle of blackberry bushes and bracken +higher than a man. A few forlorn tufts of cotton-grass still blew out in +the languid breeze and the yellow stars of the cinquefoil shone from the +moss, but disfigured by the dozens of evil-looking black slugs, three or +four inches long, that lay motionless all over the marsh. A faint, +subtle smell hung on the air, the fragrance of the dodder, that covered +the gorse bushes with a fine vermilion net, studded with pale pink +flowers like fat flesh-coloured flies caught in a vast red spider's web. +The whole place seemed redolent of evil--the motionless glossy slugs, +the deadly parasite with its curiously obscene flowers, the littered +undergrowth rotting in the water, all these filled Ishmael with a +suffocating sense of doom. He stayed at gaze, yet longing to get away +from this steamy place, where the gorse had gone grey beneath the false +embraces of the dodder. + +At last he turned and climbed slowly up the valley side; when he reached +the top he had to pause and lean upon a gate to get his breath. His +heart was pounding in his ears. He did not look up; for a few minutes +the world was dark and filled with a great roaring. Then he felt his +breath coming more easily and the giddiness passed; he opened his eyes +and straightened himself. + +He opened them on to the wide stretch of sky that arched over the sea, +and there he saw, stretched from headland to headland, one gleaming foot +springing from an irradiated field, the other dying into a swirl of +misty foam, a perfect arch of rainbow. It was so triumphant, so +brilliant, so unexpected, that at first he stood staring, his mouth +open, his whistling breath coming unheeded. + +A rainbow alone in Nature always looks an alien thing--it is never part +of a landscape, but the added touch which means wonder. Like snow, it is +always a phenomenon. It has never lost the quality of miracle. + +Far below the glowing span lay Cloom, wet grey roofs gleaming, and a +dazzle of sun upon its whitewash; around the fields lay like a jewelled +canopy, lighter than the sky, which still wore a deep purple-grey, +against which the arch burned like fire. + +As Ishmael looked the tears swam in his eyes, making the whole radiant +vision reel and run together in a blaze of passionate light and colour. + +As he stood there, feeling a keener joy than he could ever remember the +personal having given him, all his philosophy, all his changing beliefs +in what was most worth while, resolved themselves into the passionate +cry: "Let beauty not die for me.... May dawn and sunset, twilight and +storm, hold their thrill to the last; may the young moon still cradle +magic and the old moon image peace; may the wind never fail to blow +freedom into my nostrils, and the sunlight strike to my heart till I +die. And if colour, light, shadow, and sound of birds' calling all fall +away from my failing senses, at least let the touch of earth be sweet to +my fingers and the air to my eyelids." + + + + +BOOK V + +HARVEST + + + + +CHAPTER I + +THE FOUR-ACRE + + +A little boy was riding into Cloom farmyard astride a big carthorse, +whistling and beating time with a toy switch upon its irresponsive +flanks. He was so small that his bare brown legs stuck straight out on +either side of him, but he sat upright and clutched the dark tangled +mane firmly. The horse planted his big gleaming hoofs with care, his +broad haunches heaved slightly as he went, and the child swayed securely +to the action. Beside the horse's arched neck walked an old man, less +sure of step than the animal; the child drummed with his sandalled feet +against the round sides of his steed and managed to kick the old man as +he did so. + +"Oh, I'm sorry, Granpa!" he said in a clear treble, laughing a little, +not because he thought it was funny to have hit his grandfather, but +because it was such a fine day and it was so jolly on the big horse, and +he knew his grandfather would understand that he could not help laughing +at everything. The old man put up his hand and laid it gently on the +slim brown leg, keeping it there till the horse stopped in the middle of +the yard, when he held up both his arms and the boy slipped down into +them. + +"Jim!" called at woman's voice from the house. "Jim! Hurry up; it's past +lesson-time." + +"Bother!" said Jim regretfully; "it's always lesson-time just as I'm +really occupied. I wish I was a grown-up and could do what I liked." + +The old man did not contradict him with a well-worn platitude, because +he knew that in the way the child meant grown-ups did have a great deal +of freedom. + +"You wouldn't like to be as old as I am, would you, Jim?" he asked. Jim +regarded him thoughtfully; evidently this was the first time he had even +imagined such a thing ever being possible. He cast about in his mind to +think of some answer that would not hurt his grandfather's feelings. + +"Well, perhaps not quite as old as you, Granpa!" he said; "as old as +Daddy; not with white hair like you--just a grown-up man." + +"Jim ...!" came the voice again more insistently, and his mother +appeared at the back door and stood framed in its arch of carved +granite. Marjorie Ruan was still a fine young woman; her thirty-odd +years sat lightly upon her. Her tanned skin and the full column of her +long, bare throat gave her a look of exuberant health. She was dressed +in a smart suit of white linen and her brown head was bare. + +"Have you been having a ride?" she asked. "But you mustn't stop when I +call you, you know! You shouldn't keep him when he ought to come, +Granpa!" The grandfather remained unperturbed. He liked and admired +Marjorie, but there were times when he considered her manners left +something to be desired. Jim ran into the house, and Marjorie, +shepherding him in with a sweeping motion of her strong, big arm, +disappeared also, curved a little over him. Ishmael was left alone in +the yard, stroking the velvet-soft muzzle of the waiting horse. + +Ishmael made a fine figure as he stood there, a little stooped, but +handsome in his thin old way, with his strongly-modelled nose and his +dark hazel eyes deep-set beneath the shaggy white brows. He was +clean-shaven, and the fine curve of his jaw, always rather pointed than +heavy, gave a touch of the priestly which looked oddly alien with his +loose Norfolk jacket and corduroy breeches and the brown leather gaiters +that protected his thin old legs. His close-cropped grey head was +uncovered, and he still carried it well; he looked his years, but bore +them bravely, nevertheless. + +"You are going to finish sowing the four-acre to-day?" he asked the man +who came out from a shed leading another horse. "I shall come along +myself later on. Mind you regulate the feed of the drill carefully; it's +not been working quite well lately." He stood watching a moment while +the man harnessed the horses to the big drill, which, standing quiescent +now, was soon to rattle and clank over the ploughed and harrowed earth +of the four-acre field. Then he turned, and, going through the house, +went out on to the lawn, where on a long chair in the sun, carefully +swathed in shawls, an old lady was lying. + +"Have you everything you want, Judy?" he asked, sitting slowly down on +the garden-chair beside her. She looked up at him through the large +round spectacles, that gave her an air as of a fairy godmother in a +play, and nodded. "Everything, thanks! Marjorie has been very good. My +knitting--which I always take about with me, because I think it's only +decent for an old lady to knit, not because I can do it well, for I +can't; to-day's _Western Morning News_ and yesterday's _Times_; and my +writing-pad, if I should take it into my head to write letters, which I +shan't, because, as you know, I think letters are thoroughly vicious. +One of the few signs of grace about the present generation is the +so-called decay of the art of letter-writing." + +"Jim would agree with you. He has just had to go in to his lessons; and +he thinks that letters are a lot of rot, anyway!" + +"What are you doing to-day, Ishmael?" + +"I am thinking of helping with the four-acre. Nicky will soon be down +for the Easter recess, and then I shall be so carefully looked after I +shall not get the chance to overtire myself." + +"Nicky has turned out a dear boy, and good son," said Judy kindly. + +"Nicky always was a dear boy--even at his most elusive. Jim is more +human than Nicky was at his age, but he hasn't Nicky's charm, that +something of a piskie's changeling that made Nicky so attractive. Yes, +he's a 'good son,' to use your horrible expression, Judy. And Marjorie +is a very good wife for him, though I must say I enjoy it when I can +have the two boys, the big and the little one, to myself." + +"I sometimes wonder how much you ever really liked women," said Judy. + +"I have always liked them, as you call it, very much indeed. But I don't +think I've ever thought of them as women first and foremost, but as +human beings more or less like unto myself." + +"That's where you've made your mistake. Not because they aren't--for +they are--but because that destroys the mystery, and no one is keener on +keeping up the idea that women are mysterious creatures, unlike men, +than women themselves." + +"I daresay you're right. But to look at, merely externally, I've always +been able to get the mystery. They can look so that a man is afraid to +touch such exquisite, ethereal creatures, all the time that they're +wanting to be touched most. Georgie always used to say I never +understood women." + +"When she meant that you showed your understanding too clearly. Dear +Georgie!" + +"Yes, dear Georgie! It does seem rough luck that she should have gone +the first when she was so much younger than I, doesn't it?" + +"Rough luck on you, or on her, are you meaning at the moment?" + +"At the moment I was meaning on her. She was so in love with life. But I +suppose really on me. I might, humanly speaking, have been fairly sure +that I should have had her as a companion all the last years." + +"Do you find it very lonely since Ruth married her tame clergyman and +Lissa went away to become a full-blown painter?" + +"Doesn't it always have to be lonely? Isn't it always really? The only +thing is that when we are young we have distractions which prevent us +seeing it. We can cheat ourselves with physical contact that makes us +think it possible to fuse with any one other human being. But it isn't. +When we are our age--well, we know it's always isolated, but that it +doesn't matter." + +"What does matter? Those to come?" + +"Yes, those to come--always them first; yet not that alone, or there +would be no more value in them than in ourselves if it were always to be +a vicious circle like that. Each individual soul is equally important, +the old as much as the young, in the eternal scheme. It is only in the +economy of this world that youth is more important than age." + +"I think I can fairly lay claim to being a broadminded ''vert'" said +Judith, "but of course, you know, I can't help feeling I've got +something in the way of what makes things worth while that you haven't?" + +"Yes, I know you do. I see you're bound to have. But of course, owing to +what the Parson inculcated into me, I think I've got it too, but I quite +see I can't expect you to think so." + +"It's seeing the light that matters most, I think," said Judy. "We +believe the same though I _know_ I've got it, and you only _think_ you +have! But it's the thinking that is all important. The mystery to me is +how anyone can be satisfied with the phenomena of this world alone as +an answer to the riddle." + +"It's not so much of a mystery to me. The world is so very beautiful +that it can stand instead of human love, so why not, to some people, +instead of Divine love also? The beauty of it is what I have chiefly +lived by. It could for very long thrill me to the exclusion of +everything else." + +"And now?" asked Judith. + +"Now? Now I am old that has been young, and still I cannot answer you +that. I believe these airmen tell you of air pockets they come to, holes +in the atmosphere, where their machines drop, drop.... I think I am in +an air pocket, a hole between the guiding winds of the spirit ... one is +too occupied in not dropping when in those holes to think of anything +else. Action is the best thing, which is why I am now going to leave you +to sow the four-acre." + +He got up, slowly and painfully, though he stood as erect as ever once +he was upon his feet. He stood a moment looking at Judith. + +"Judy, d'you ever have those times when you feel something is going to +happen?" he asked, "when you expect something to come round the corner, +so to speak, at every moment. One so often had it in one's youth--one +woke with it every morning: I don't mean that, but the expectation of +some one thing that is in the air so near one that any moment it may +break into actuality?" + +"I never have it now, my dear, but I know what you mean. Why? Have you +got it?" + +"Yes." + +"Is it about anything particular you are feeling it?" + +"No, no; my uncanny vision doesn't go as far as that, I'm afraid." + +"Dare I murmur indigestion?" she asked, with a gentle chuckle, hunching +herself into her shawls. + +"You may murmur, but I scorn you as a materialist and one who isn't +even genuine. I go to my sowing, but you'll see if this old man is not +justified of his dreams." He left her, and she watched him across the +lawn with the detached affection of the old in her eyes; then she took +up, not her knitting or her writing-pad, but the little book of +devotions that lay in a fold of her shawl, and started to read, her lips +moving slightly but soundlessly. + +In the four-acre field there was a strong wind blowing that for days had +been drying the turned earth to powder. The soil, so rich of hue when +freshly turned, now showed a pale drab, dry and crumbling beneath the +feet, while every step stirred up the fine particles and made them blow +about like smoke. + +Ishmael superintended the pouring of a sack of dredge-corn into the +gaping maw of the drill, and the man took the rope reins, and, throwing +over the lever, set the horses off, following as faithfully as might be +the curve of the hedge. The sun gleamed on the glossy haunches of the +horses, on the upper curve of the spidery wheels, whose faded vermilion +seemed to revolve under a quivering splash of living gold that magically +stayed poised, as it were, to let the wheels slip perpetually from +under. The wind blew the horses' forelocks away between their ears; +while about their plumy fetlocks, wreathing around the wheels and the +sharp nozzles of the drill and from the heavy feet of the man who +followed, rose the blown clouds of powdery soil, as though the earth +were smoking at some vast sacrifice. + +All the way up and down the field, back and forth, with a clanking as +the lever was thrown in and out of gear for the turn at either end, this +cloud went with them, blowing fine and free, encompassing them high as +the horses' bellies. Ishmael watched, checked the man at the turn, and +finding the corn was flowing too freely, altered the indicator, and then +himself took the reins and in his turn went up and down the lines of +smoking earth. And gradually, as he went, his sense of sight, and +through it his brain, became gently mesmerised as the shallow furrows +made by the nozzles of the drill drew themselves perpetually just before +him. He could see the bright seeds dribbling into the top of the +serpentine tubes, but no eye could catch their swift transit into the +earth, which closed and tossed over itself in the wake of the nozzles as +foam turns and throws itself about in the wake of a screw. Ishmael, his +eyes on that living earth that surged so rhythmically yet with such +freedom of pattern that no clod fell like another, while the dust blew +back from it like spray, was soothed in exactly the same way that a man +is soothed when he watches the weaving of the foam-patterns as they slip +perpetually from beneath a ship. + +Every year upon his farm there now came something of the joy of the +gambler to Ishmael, who never sowed without feeling that it might be for +the last time. Curiously enough, it never occurred to him as possible +that he could die before what he had sown was grown and reaped. Every +threshing over, he wondered if he should live to see another; every +sowing he told himself it might be the last time he saw the earth +closing over the trail of the seeds, that before another spring came +round the earth might be closed over him instead, and this gave an extra +keenness of appreciation to all he did and watched. Now, as he sowed, +peace seemed to come to him as well as pleasure, a feeling that though +sowing was always for a blind future, yet that future was as securely in +the womb of the thought of God as the seeds in the womb of the earth. He +walked on, up and down, till the last furrow had been sown and the seeds +lay all hidden and the ruffled earth only awaited the quieting of the +roller. Then he leant upon the drill and stared out over the acres that +were to him as the flesh of his flesh; he bent down and crumpled a clod +between his fingers for sheer joy of the feel of it. + +When he straightened himself it was to see the figure of an old man he +did not know coming through the gate that led from the lane into the +farmyard. There was only one field intervening, and Ishmael's eyes were +still very good at a distance; he could see the old man was no one from +those parts. There was something outlandish, too, about the soft slouch +hat and the cut of the clothes, of a slaty grey that showed up clearly +amidst the earthy and green colours all around. The old man stood +fumbling with the gate in his hand, then, when it swung back, he stayed +staring round him as though he were looking for something he did not +find. He made two or three little steps forward, then paused. Ishmael, +having bidden the man see to the horses, went into the next field that +gave into the yard. + +The stranger looked round, saw him, hesitated again, then went forward, +more surely this time, as though he had either remembered something or +suddenly made up his mind. He passed through the archway into the court. +Ishmael stood, his hand on the gate, staring after him, his heart +thumping painfully, why, he could not or would not admit to himself. +Then he, too, went on and into the court. He crossed it, went through +the passage door that stood open, and on into the kitchen which lay on +the left. There was no one there. He passed into the sitting-room on the +right of the passage, and there he saw the old man standing by the +fireplace and looking round him with an odd, bewildered air. He looked +up as Ishmael came in, and their eyes met. Afterwards Ishmael realised +that he had always known it was Archelaus from the moment he had seen +him stand and look round him at the gate. + +Archelaus looked a very old man. He was old even in actual years, and +almost ageless if some indefinable look on his seamed face registered +more truly the period sustained by the ravaged spirit. He stood staring +at Ishmael, then spoke in a husky, uncertain voice that went suddenly +from gruffness to a high querulousness. + +"Who be you?" he asked. "I be Archelaus Beggoe, and I'm come home to +where I was born and reared.... I'm come home, I tell 'ee." + +The two old men stood looking at each other. + +"Don't you remember me?" asked Ishmael gently. "I'm Ishmael, your +brother; you know...." He went forward and took the other's unresisting +hand. "Welcome home, Archelaus!" + +The elder brother said nothing, but slowly a look of comprehension began +to dawn in his bleared old eyes, a look that was inexpressibly sly and +yet harmless, so infantine was his whole aspect of helplessness. He +shook Ishmael's hand very slowly, then dropped it. + +"I'm come home," he repeated obstinately. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +ARCHELAUS, NICKY, JIM + + +The next day it became plain to Ishmael that Archelaus spoke the truth +when he announced that he had come home. His legs were old and stiff, +but after pottering all the morning after his brother, who suddenly felt +years younger through sheer force of contrast, he followed him +obstinately out to the four-acre field, where Ishmael had hoped to get +away from him. And Ishmael watched the rolling, as he had only the day +before watched the sowing, but with a sinking of the heart instead of +the lightening that had been his only twenty-four hours earlier. The +mere presence of Archelaus, though they were now both old men, past +rivalry, held for him an antagonism he could hide but could not keep +himself from feeling. + +As the ridgy clods flattened out to a level of purplish fawn beneath the +one passing of the cumbrous roller, that yet looked so small behind the +huge mare, Ishmael felt his spirits being as flattened as the four-acre +itself. Yet even as yesterday the two horses had done, so to-day the +mare spread her powerful haunches and raised clouds of earth with each +firm impact of her gleaming hoofs; but the joy was gone from the sight. +Even Hester, the farm-dog, lineal descendant of poor Wanda, seemed to +feel the inaction in the air, and, leaving off her slavish following of +the roller, flung herself down on a stretch of field where it had +already passed, legs outspread, looking so flattened as she lay there, a +mere pattern of black and white, that the roller might have passed over +her also. Archelaus stood leaning upon a favourite stick of Nicky's that +he had taken from the hall, and commented shrewdly enough upon the +affairs of the farm. He seemed suddenly to be showing a great interest +in them, and during the days that followed this did not diminish. For +all his years his wits seemed bright; only whenever the suggestion arose +that he might be happier if he took up his quarters elsewhere his eyes +seemed actually to film over like a bird's with the blankness that +descended on them. Indeed, there seemed no real reason for getting rid +of him. He was old and strange, but he behaved himself and played with +the children, both Ruth's couple and little Jim; he was a huge success. +He ousted the grandfather--so much more vivid were his tales, so much +more amusing the things he could do with a penknife and a bit of wood. +Whistles, whips, boats, all seemed to grow under his gnarled old hands, +with their discoloured and broken nails, as though without effort. And +watching his success, knowing by some instinct he would not have told +for fear of misconstruction to any but Judy, who always understood, that +some malign wish to hurt lay at the springs of his brother's +complaisance towards the children, Ishmael felt a stirring of the old +unease that he admitted to himself was not without a leaven of jealousy. + +For the Easter recess Nicky came down, and no lover ever waited for his +mistress with a more high-beating heart than Ishmael did for his son. +And at the back of his mind was the haunting fear of Archelaus as +affecting his relations with Nicky, a fear such as he might have had had +Nicky been a woman and he and Archelaus young men. + +Nicky came, charming as ever. He was so full of life that his forty-odd +years seemed nothing to him. He had that immense vitality, sparkling but +full of reserved strength, that brings with it a sense of completeness +apart from youth or age. Ishmael felt the old pang of disappointment +that Nicky gave so little, repented of directly some little thing showed +how Nicky was thinking of and for him. Nicky drew his brows together +when he heard of his uncle's advent. He was a great stickler for the +conventions, and did not like this appearance in the flesh of old family +scandals that might again become a topic for busy tongues. + +Archelaus was out when Nicky arrived, but when the family party was +assembled on the lawn for tea he made his appearance. Everyone was +there. Ruth had driven over from her Vicarage with her two little girls, +with whom Jim was playing and occasionally quarrelling; Marjorie sat by +Nicky and waited on him with an indulgence she generally showed him on +the first day together after they had been separated for a few weeks; +and even the volatile Lissa was there, in a sense, as Ruth had had a +long letter from her that morning which she had brought over to read to +her father. Ruth's husband, a gentle, kindly, abstracted creature, was +there too, pulling his long fingers through his beard and saying very +little. Ishmael liked him, but preferred him to come to the Manor rather +than himself going to the Vicarage. He had never got over the idea bred +in him by association with the Parson that a priest should not be +married. + +Archelaus wandered on to the lawn looking his most spruce; he had +evidently tried to tidy himself, having shaved and put on a clean collar +of extraordinarily antiquated make. His clothes might have had "American +ready-made" written upon them. He advanced towards them slowly, leaning +heavily on his stick. + +"Nicky," said Ishmael, "this is your Uncle Archelaus.... This is my +boy." + +Nicky got to his feet and said rather coldly that he hoped his uncle was +well, but it was the old man whose eagerness in holding out his hand +made Nicky's advance seem laggard. Nicky had taken a dislike to his +uncle; he could not tell why. He flattered himself he was not a snob, +but he thought this old Rip Van Winkle a terrible thing to drop into +any family out of the blue. Archelaus lowered himself into a chair +beside his nephew and began to try and make conversation. There was +something pathetic about his evident efforts and Nicky's hidden distaste +that was all there was to meet it, masked by courtesy. Ishmael suddenly +felt his heart soften towards his brother; he told himself almost with a +pang that he need not have been afraid that this old prodigal would have +beguiled Nicky as he did the children; his simple wiles were not for +grown men busy with affairs. Yet he still watched anxiously, though now +the faint feeling of anxiety had rather transferred itself from Nicky to +Archelaus. + +As the days went on his heart grew no lighter, though in the society of +Nicky, busy as he was with showing him all the latest improvements, he +had not much time to think of anything else. Archelaus was too old and +enfeebled to go all over the estate as Ishmael was still able to do, and +gloried in the doing now he saw that there were others less able to than +he. Yet, had he had more leisure to observe, his anxiety would have +grown, not lessened, for a cloud began to gather upon Archelaus that was +like the old brooding of his youth, though less articulate, but perhaps +none the less dangerous for that. There had been a softening about him +those first days of Nicky's return, as there was still when he played +with Jimmy; but now the look that had held a timid eagerness when it was +turned on Jimmy's father glowed with something else less good, a +something that deepened when it was turned on Ishmael. + +About this time Judith brought her visit to a close, and Ishmael was +chiefly occupied with getting her off in safety and with as little +fatigue as might be. Each year now their parting held something of the +quality possessed by his yearly gamble with his crops, only in the +former case the chances against them were doubled, for it might be Judy +who failed to come again on the long journey from town. + +She had a companion, a devoted creature but colourless, whom she could +be said rather to suffer gladly than enjoy, and her interests, were +divided between the little slum church she lived near in London, her +friends at Cloom, and the rare visits of Lissa, of whom she was very +fond, and who sometimes went and poured out to her enthusiasms about +Futurist paintings, which Judy, who had remained true to the early +Impressionist school, could only consider a perverse return to cave art. + +"Shall I give your love to Lissa?" asked Judith as Ishmael tucked her +into the cosiest seat of Nicky's car, which was to take her to Penzance. +"No, I won't," she went on. "I shall tell her she's to come and give it +for herself. She is coming, I know, now she's got her International +picture off her mind. She's a very gifted woman, but I sometimes think +it's a pity for her to fill her life with nothing but paint and +canvases. I'm old-fashioned, I suppose!" + +"Lissa and I understand each other," said Ishmael. "She is the only +other human being beside myself I've ever met who finds the deepest joy +in things and places instead of people." + +"Do you still? Not you; they've failed you for a long time now, I know, +and they'll fail Lissa. I wish I hadn't given her the advice I did when +she came to town." + +"What was that?" asked Ishmael, stepping back as Nicky climbed into the +driver's seat. + +"Never to trust a man or offend a woman. She's stuck to it too well. +I've got to the age when I think it's better to have trusted too much +than too little. Good-bye, my dear! Take care of yourself. I shan't come +again." + +"What ..." began Ishmael; but at a sign from Judith Nicky had put in the +clutch and the car was sliding off down the drive. Ishmael turned and +went thoughtfully into the house. He wondered whether Judy too had +suffered from that same sense of a shattered atmosphere that he had +since the return of Archelaus. + +It seemed absurd that he should, he told himself. He was seventy, +Archelaus older; it was surely time they found it possible to live +together in harmony.... And yet it was not that there was any definite +bad feeling between them, that he could find any holes in the scheme of +his brother's behaviour. It was only that Archelaus, old as he was, +still retained the quality of a satyr, of something oddly malevolent, +that boded ill. Ishmael tried to break himself of the feeling, life-old +with him, though for so many years forgotten, but he found that, though +he could force himself not to dwell on it, beyond that he was powerless. +There was no actual harm Archelaus could do him, and he told himself +repeatedly that there must be something rather hateful in himself that +he could still feel this profound troubling of aversion. + +He called for Jim to go over the farm with him; but the little boy was +not to be found, and one of the maids told him she had seen him go off +with his new uncle. Ishmael paused to put on a big coat, for the wind +was fresh although it was late in May, and then he too went out. + +In the four-acre the young corn he had sown on that day of Archelaus's +return showed some four or five inches of green blades. Lest it should +grow too fast and rank, the roller had been busy over it the day before, +and, though the elastic tissue of its frail-looking growth was already +springing erect again, the field still showed alternate stripes of light +and dark, marking this way and that of the roller's passing, as though +some giant finger had brushed the nap of this fine velvety tissue the +wrong way. + +Ishmael leant upon the gate and looked at the corn, mechanically noting +its good condition, but feeling no pleasure at the sight. It was for him +as though a blight had come over the Cloom of his idolatry, and he told +himself it could never again be the same for him. He felt very old and +tired, though it was still early in the day. His brain was working +slowly; it took him a long time to register upon it his thoughts about +anything at which he was looking, and the knowledge of this distressed +him. + +Judy had gone and was not coming back--she had said so. That aroused no +acute sensation in him, but rather a dreary feeling of being sorry. Judy +was old in spite of her vigour and her ever-quick tongue, which age had +quickened. She had always been articulate, he always the reverse, and on +this morning he felt a dumb impotency even towards himself. He stared +out over the acres filmed with that thin, fine green, and past it to the +wine-coloured ploughed lands and the pastures, and, turning a little +against the gate, he saw the house, a pale pearl-grey on this clear day. +He turned to his left and saw cultivated land far as the cliffs where +once waste had been; and here and there on the rolling slopes of the +moor beyond he saw a little grey farmstead that was his too, whose +tenants owed their prosperity to him. And for the first time in his life +the sight gave him no joy. Archelaus had drawn a blight over it all. He +might tell himself with the resentful anger of old age that the thing +was all wrong, absurd even; but that availed nothing. Years had not +softened the fact that the presence of Archelaus had power to spoil +things for him, now as when he had been a child. Archelaus was somewhere +now with little Jimmy, telling him tales of the far places of the earth, +which he, Ishmael, had never seen, never would see. Jim was listening +entranced, his bright brown eyes shining as Nicky's did when he was +moved, as Phoebe's had been wont to do. + +A bright whistling sounded from the direction of the house, and Nicky +came to the gate leading from the farmyard and stood looking across it. +He saw Ishmael, and, waving his hat, began to come over the field +towards him. And quite suddenly a certain balm slipped into Ishmael's +grieved heart. At least he had Nicky ... and that, after all, was what +Cloom meant. Cloom might in all these years have failed him as far as +she herself was concerned, leaving him feeling bereft and lost, but it +was not in her power or in that of Archelaus to spoil whatever since +Nicky's birth had been his chief reason for loving Cloom. This was not a +blind love as the mere instinct for acres had been--this was the motive +power of love itself. He waited in sudden gladness by the gate. + +The day sharpened as it went on, cold rain blew up, and the inmates of +the Manor began to be anxious that Archelaus had not yet come in with +little Jim. No one seemed to know where he had gone or taken the child. +As the day wore on Marjorie, usually a very placid, strong-minded +mother, began to grow frantic. She declared that never since he came to +the place had she considered Archelaus quite sane or responsible, and +that Ishmael ought to have known better to keep such a queer old man on +in the same house as a child. Nicky tried to comfort her before he went +out for the third time on his horse to try and find some trace of the +two missing members of the family. Ishmael could do nothing but wander +from room to room, oppressed by a sense of fear such as he had not +suffered from since Nicky had gone to South Africa. Once he shook his +fist in the air as he waited by himself in the dining-room, whence he +could watch the drive, and the facile, burning tears of age ran down his +face as he spoke aloud of Archelaus in a cracked old voice he hardly +recognised for his own. If Archelaus had let the boy come to any harm, +if he had done him any hurt.... Back on his mind came flooding old +memories of Archelaus--the night in the wood, for instance.... He had +done wrong to believe that even at eighty years old that deep +malevolence had faded. His instinct had been the thing all his life long +which had made genius for him, and he had been wrong not to trust it +now he was old. It was probably the only thing about him which had not +aged, and he should have let himself go with it.... + +Late that night, through wind and sharp rain-shower, Nicky came back, +with Jim, sleepy but unhurt and full of his adventure, before him on the +horse. Archelaus and the child had been found wandering on the moor by +Botallack mine, now long disused; Jim was crying with hunger and alarm +and the old man babbling of the days when he had worked there. He was +trying to find one particular shaft to show the child, he said. As it +was ruined, with an unguarded lip and a sheer drop in the darkness of +some five hundred feet, it was as well that the search for it had +failed. Archelaus was following with the doctor in his trap, said Nicky +briefly. He had seemed as though suddenly broken down, the doctor +thought, and would probably never recover. And, indeed, when Archelaus +was half-carried, half-helped, into the hall, he looked, save for the +two spots of colour on his high cheek-bones, like some huge old corpse +galvanised into a shocking semblance of life. + +He was taken up to his room, the one with the four-poster bed in which +the old Squire had died, with the wide view of the rolling fields. And +there, it was soon plain, Archelaus would remain for what was left to +him of his earthly course. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE LETTERS + + +A week later there was no doubt that Archelaus was dying. He had passed +the week only half-conscious--some spring both in the machinery of his +splendid old body and his brain seemed as though they had given way +together. He lay dying, and Ishmael, standing day by day beside the bed, +looking down on the seamed, battered, gnarled thing that lay there so +helplessly, felt a stirring of something new towards Archelaus. It was +not any touch of that irrational affection that very easily affected +people experience for those they have never really liked and yet towards +whom they feel a warm outflow merely because of the approach of death; +neither was it any regret that he had not loved Archelaus in life. That +would have been absurd; there had been nothing to make him like his +brother and everything to make him do the reverse, and he was not of +those whose values are upset by approaching death. But his antipathy for +Archelaus had all his life been so deep, if not so very violent a thing, +that it had hitherto prevented him feeling towards him even as amicably +as one human being naturally feels towards another. This was the change +that took place now--he was not enabled to yearn over a brother, but he +was, for the first time, able to look with the detached impersonal +sympathy and kindliness of one man towards another whom he has no +particular reason to dislike. A profound pity wrung his heart as he +looked--the pity he would have felt from the beginning if Archelaus had +ever let him, the pity which had prompted his forbearance at the time of +the bush-beating in the wood. + +This broken old man had wandered all his days; he had lived all over +the earth and called no place his, even as he had possessed many women +and yet called none his own. That such had been his nature and would +have been even under other circumstances did not at this pass make the +wanderings less pitiful. For the whole time that sense of wrong had kept +telling him that he ought to have one special place for his own, and +that one the place where he was born, which his father had held before +him. Looking down on him, Ishmael wondered what it was that had driven +him back to it at the latter end, whether it were blind instinct or some +more reasoned prompting. He was soon to know, for on the day a week +after Archelaus had been brought home he seemed to become himself again +in mind and demanded to see his brother alone. + +Ishmael went upstairs and into the bedroom. + +Archelaus lay in the big bed, looking smaller than seemed possible; his +face, deep in the pillows, jutted sharply between the mounds of +whiteness with an effect as of some gaunt old bird of prey. His hands +and long corded wrists looked discoloured against the sheet. Ishmael +went across to the bed and sat down beside it. Archelaus was very still; +only his eyes glittered as they stared up at Ishmael from between his +thickly veined lids. + +"You wanted to see me," said Ishmael. His voice was expressionless, but +not from any hard feeling on his part. It seemed to him as he sat there +that nothing as vigorous as animosity could be left alive between +them--both old, both frail, both drawing near to sleep. And yet, as +their eyes stared into each other's, some tremor of the old distaste +still seemed to communicate itself.... + +Archelaus began to speak, very slowly, very low, so that Ishmael had to +stoop forward to hear, but each word was distinct, and evidently with +that extraordinary clarity that comes sometimes to the dying, even to +those whose brains have been troubled, the old man knew what he was +saying. + +"I want to tell 'ee," said Archelaus. Ishmael stayed bent forward, +attentive. + +"What do 'ee suppose I came back for?" asked Archelaus--and this time +there was definite malice in voice and look; "because I loved 'ee so?" + +"No, I never thought that. I wondered rather ... and I thought it was +just that--" he broke off. Archelaus finished the sentence for him. + +"That I was old and wandering in my wits, and came home as a dog does? +No; it wasn't that. I came home to tell 'ee something--something I've +hid in my heart for years past, something that'll make I laugh if I find +myself in hell!" + +Ishmael waited in silence. When he again began to speak it was as though +Archelaus were wandering away from the point which he had in mind. + +"You've set a deal of store by Cloom, haven't you, Ishmael?" he asked. + +Ishmael nodded. Archelaus went on: + +"Not just for Cloom, is it? To hand it on better'n you got it--to have +your own flesh and blood to give it to? To a man as is a man it wouldn't +be so much after all wi'out that?" + +Again Ishmael assented. Again Archelaus went on without any fumbling +after words, as though all his life he had known what he was going to +say at this moment. He lifted his hand and began fumbling at the neck of +his nightshirt. Ishmael guessed what he was wanting, for when he had +been undressed they had found a little flat oilskin bag slung around his +neck which they had left there. Now he bent forward, and, loosening the +shirt, lifted out the bag. In obedience to a nod from Archelaus, he took +out his knife and, cutting the dark, greasy string that looked as though +it had rested there for years, slipped the bag from off it. Then, still +in obedience to Archelaus, he slit the oil-silk and a few discoloured +letters fell out. He gathered them up from off the coverlet and waited. + +"Read," said Archelaus. Ishmael dived into a pocket for his spectacles, +found them, adjusted them, and began to turn over the letters. Archelaus +pointed to one with his trembling old finger. "That first," he +whispered; "take that one first." Then, as Ishmael settled himself to +read, he added with a low chuckle: "Knaw the writen', do 'ee?" + +It had seemed vaguely familiar to Ishmael, but no more, and not even now +could he say whose it was. It was very old-fashioned writing and very +characterless, the hand which had in his youth been called "Italian," +and it seemed to him to have nothing distinctive about it. "Never mind," +said Archelaus as he shook his head; "you'll knaw fast enough. Read." + +This is what Ishmael read by the evening light that flooded the room: + +"Dear Archelaus," ran the letter, "I don't know whatever I shall do. I +wish I was dead. Why did you come back and trouble me? There were plenty +of women where you came from. You have told me about them often enough. +I never wanted you to make love to me. I never liked it, only I couldn't +help it. And now there's a baby coming and he hasn't been near me for +over two months. He seems as though he didn't want me any more, and I +don't know what to do, because now he'll have to know...." + +Ishmael read so far, and though he did not understand what he read, and +it sent no rush of knowledge over his soul, yet a deadly sense of fear, +of yet he knew not what, sent his heart pounding through his frame. The +letter fell to his knee and Archelaus, watching, said: + +"I told her to speak 'ee soft and let her lil' body lie against 'ee...." + +Ishmael picked up the letter again, looked from the date--the month of +January, in 1868--to the signature, "Phoebe Ruan," before he let the +letter drop again. Still he said nothing, and after a minute Archelaus +went on. + +"Read the next," he said. + +The next was but a further plaint, signed with Phoebe's name, in a +rather more uneven hand. Ishmael found himself remembering, as his eye +met them again, her little tricks with the pen--the wandering tails to +her words, the elaborate capitals which gave a touch of individuality to +the regular slanting lines. He picked up the last letter. + +"Dear Archelaus," it began--Phoebe would never have suffered +sufficiently from a sense of fitness to alter the conventional +beginning, whatever the stress under which she wrote--"I have done it, +and now he need never know unless you tell him, and you won't ever, will +you, dear, dear Archelaus? Please promise me." + +"Did you promise?" was all Ishmael's voice asked. + +Archelaus stirred a little in the bed. + +"I promised never to hurt her by tellen' 'ee," he said. There was a +moment of silence, and then he broke into vehement speech. Even his +voice had gathered strength; it was as though in the full flood of what +was sweeping out of him, after being dammed for so many years, all +physical disabilities were washed away. + +"Aw, what do 'ee think I ded it for?" he asked; "for love of Phoebe? +Her!... I could have got as good at any brothel to Penzance.... It +wasn't for love I ded it; it was for hate. Hate of 'ee, Ishmael! To get +my revenge, and for you not to knaw till it was too late, much too late, +to cast her off or the child. I wanted to wait till the boy should be +the warld to 'ee ... till he had grown as your own soul, and you saw his +son ready to come after him and thought it was your own flesh and blood +you was leaving behind you, and you too old to leave any other.... +Cloom's been yours all your life, but when you and I are both on us +dead and rotting, it'll be I and not you who's living on at Cloom. So +'tes mine, after all, not yours...." + +A moment later and the triumphant voice went on again. + +"There's another letter," it said, "from your old Parson. I wrote to he +after I'd met Nicky--my son--casual-like once in Canada. That's what he +answered." + +Again Ishmael picked up the letter, almost mechanically, and read: + +"I have received your letter dated July, 1891. I cannot find words to +write to you as I would wish. If what you tell me is true--and I do not +think you could have invented the letters of which you send me +copies--it would matter very little if I found the pen of men and of +angels to tell you what I thought. I can only tell you that even if the +wish is wicked I hope with all my heart, and pray it too, that you may +never be allowed to come home to tell your brother what it is in your +heart to tell him. That the boy may never in his turn have a son to +gratify you with the sight of your grandchild at Cloom. That this weapon +you have forged against your brother may be under Providence to your own +undoing. And since the ways of God are mysterious--though I am tempted +to say not as past finding out as the ways of man--even if you carry out +your threat it may be that Ishmael will be given strength to withstand +the horror of what you tell him, and that the Lord has a comfort for him +in ways you could not understand, so that you will be robbed of all but +an empty victory...." + +As Ishmael slowly and with meticulous care put the letters safely on to +the bed a step was heard coming along the passage, the step of Nicky, +the only step in that house which was both that of a man and vigorous. +Archelaus turned his head a little on the pillow, and Ishmael, for the +first time showing any emotion, leant towards him. "If you say a word to +him--" he began. The steps paused at the door and then went on again. +Ishmael stayed bent forward, eyes sidelong. Archelaus began to speak, as +though his mind had drifted backwards from the acuteness of the present. + +"All these years ..." he muttered, "all these years ... wandering auver +the earth, I've thought on it.... Phoebe, she was a light woman and +many was the time I'd held her lil' body to mine, but she was soft as a +lil' lamb fresh from its mother, so she was.... The likes of you wants +too much from a woman; I was never one of they chaps. If a woman was +lil' and soft, said I--" + +"Archelaus," said Ishmael, speaking very distinctly and bending over the +old man to try and attract his wandering attention, "when you came back +from California, had you it in your mind to do this thing?" + +He had to repeat the question, and at last Archelaus showed a gleam of +knowledge. "When I came back from Californy ..." he murmured, "I came +back, so I ded.... No, I'd forgot all about her then, sure enough; she +was but a soft lil' thing. But he'd got her, him as had taken all of +mine, got the wench as had been mine, that I might ha' wanted again, and +I was mad as fire. And then I was glad of it, for I saw my way, if so be +as I could only get a cheild by her...." He turned a little on his +pillows towards Ishmael and became confidential. "That was my fear," he +went on, "that I'd go wi' her again and no cheild 'ud come any more than +it had afore. But there's often a change in women after a few years, and +besides ... I'd not wanted to get 'en afore. I knew I'd get 'en that +time, and I ded. She was some whisht, she was, weth you and your fine +gentleman ways of not sleeping along o' she, when she found the way she +was in...." He laughed, a tiny, little old thread-like laugh, as out of +the trough of the years there floated up to him Phoebe's predicament +and his advice as to how to meet it--a thin little thread of laughter +that spanned the years and connected that time of which he spoke with +this present moment by the bed of death. The laugh died away and fell +again into the abysses from which it had been evoked, and there only +hung a silence in the room, but it was a silence thin, brittle as glass. + +His lids drooped. Over his fast dimming brain the films of approaching +dissolution began to swirl, now thick and fast, now tenuous again, so +that he recognised Ishmael and what had happened for a fleeting moment +during which the old glee peeped out of his blurred eyes. Then he +drifted into sleep with the suddenness of an infant, a sleep quite +peaceful, as of one who has accomplished well his task and now may rest. +Ishmael sat on by the bed; sometimes he looked at him, even laid his +fingers on his pulse to make sure, with as much mechanical care as ever, +that he was indeed only sleeping. He sat on where he was, but with his +eyes staring out of the window, though they hardly saw the rolling +fields that lay, a burnished green, beneath the evening light. Once a +step came again to the door, and a voice asked if everything were all +right. Ishmael answered "Yes," bidding the questioner go away, and he +never knew that it had been Nicky's voice which asked. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +HESTER + + +Ishmael sat and watched his own thoughts pass before him. It is not +given to every man to see all that he has lived by lying broken around +him, and this was what had happened to Ishmael. He could see, now that +he had lost him, how it was the thought of his son at Cloom, far more +than Cloom itself, which had held ever deepening place in his heart and +soul. He remembered the night when Phoebe had whispered to him that +she was going to have a baby ... how she had clung about his neck and +how happy she had seemed. He remembered too--the recollection swam up to +him through years of blurred forgetting--an earlier night, when Phoebe +had won him back to her ... that night of passion which must have been +on her side a calculated thing, a trap for him to fall in blindly--as he +had. Phoebe--who had seemed so transparent, and whom, as he now +realised, no one but Archelaus had ever really known.... Yet none of +that hurt or even outraged him. What Phoebe had been was of supreme +unimportance. Not at this distance of years could he conjure up the +emotions of an outraged husband which even at the time would have seemed +to him both inadequate and ridiculous. Not the realisation that that +night of passion had been a faked thing on her part--a set-piece on a +stage--touched him. He took, as he was guiltily aware, too little to it +himself, beyond animal appetite, for him to dare judge of that. + +But that other night, after she had told him he was to expect a child to +be born to him, that night when he had gone out into the scented garden +and felt drowning and yet uplifted on the tide of the deepest emotion +of his life--to know that that had all been based on a delusion was what +upset the whole of life now. + +Could truth be built on untruth? If what he had felt then was all the +time based upon a lie, how could there be anything worth the living for +in that which he had left? The rapture, the deep and sacred joy, when +through his fatherhood he had felt kin to God Himself--what of that? +What of the life, the religion, the love, the hopes, that had gone on +piling up upon that one thing from that day on? Were they all as +valueless as what they had been built on? If so, then he was bereft +indeed, left in an empty world, that only echoed mockery to the plaints +of men and the quiet eternal laughter of the Being who made them for +ends of supreme absurdity. + +It was not his relationship towards Nicky that Ishmael was weighing as +he sat in the still room; it was his whole relationship towards life. It +was not his fatherhood that he felt reeling; it was the fatherhood of +God. It was not love that he felt slipping from his grasp; it was truth: +not Nicky that he was despairing of, but the figure of Christ Himself. + +If all that emotion, that love, that faith, that ardent passion of joy +and work, were founded, caused by, built upon what had never been, could +they really exist either? + +Once he did hear his voice saying aloud "My boy ... mine ..."; but even +then, his passion for truth outweighing indulgence to self, he knew that +it was the mere mechanical speech of the situation rising to his lips +unconsciously. He said the words again to try and get at exactly what +their import was. "Mine...." + +All that had struck him while Archelaus had been lying watching him read +the letters was "This couldn't happen to a woman ... how unfairly it's +arranged ... it's only a man this could happen to ..."; and that had +shown him how small, after all, was the man's share, that such a thing +could be possible. Him or another, it really did not seem to matter so +very much. Both he and Archelaus had had Phoebe. That this spark of +life should have been from him or from Archelaus ... was that, after +all, so important? It seemed such a small share. Fatherhood, looked at +dispassionately, seemed to him a thing very artificial in its +convention. Life, that there should be life--yes, that was different, +but not that it should have been from him or another on that particular +occasion.... When one thought that both had equally possessed the woman +they seemed to merge so in her personality as to lose individual +personalities of their own. + +If he had not kept away from Phoebe for those two months, thus, in the +light of her letter, putting the matter beyond doubt, how would any of +the three of them ever have known whose son Nicky was? Women always said +they knew, even when they were going equally with two men; but did they? +Was it not rather that they always decided it was the child of the man +they cared for most? And if conditions had all along been normal between +him and Phoebe, then how would he have felt in the light of his +brother's avowal? It would have been impossible to say whether the child +had been his or his brother's; and yet Nicky would have been himself, +even as he was now, and he, Ishmael, would have felt the same about him, +and nothing would have been really different any more than if he had +never known; or, knowing that there was doubt, still could not have told +for certain which of the two it was who had fathered Nicky. How, then, +was it different now that he did know beyond a doubt? Nicky was the +same.... + +Ishmael clung on to that. Nicky was the same. Then--and the light came +sliding into his heart with a sensation of easing--if Nicky were the +same, then the truth might be the same too; all that he had lived by not +be the more overset than was the Nicky he had known and loved all these +years. Though Nicky was not what was called his son, all he had built +upon Nicky might not be valueless any more than Nicky himself had become +valueless, or one jot of his character or personality been +overthrown.... Nicky stood where he had; then why not more than Nicky? +These were the eternal verities, not the mere accident of fatherhood. + +Ishmael gave a long, tired sigh, and his body slipped a little down into +his chair; his eyes still stared at the light in the sky. He felt +suddenly terribly tired, so tired that his body grew very heavy and his +mind of a thistledown lightness, which refused any more to concentrate. +Yet he knew that there were certain things he must face for the sake of +Nicky, certain things he must ensure. He made a violent effort and +forced his mind and body to respond to his will. To him, on the far rim +of life, it might be vouchsafed to see how little certain things +mattered after all; but there was Nicky, still in the midst of it, with +a mind that lived more in the present than Ishmael's had ever done. It +was important for Nicky's peace of mind that he should never know he was +in fact, if not in law, what so many of his family had been, what he +would have thought of as "base-born." And Nicky so disliked Archelaus +and all he stood for.... Nicky's happiness--that was what mattered now, +what must be ensured. + +Slowly Ishmael turned in his chair and faced Archelaus once more. He +bent down and spoke into his ear, but Archelaus did not stir beyond a +muttering in his sleep. As he looked at him Ishmael saw how easy it +would be to slip a pillow over his mouth and hold it there till he had +been put beyond the reach to hurt Nicky. Yet he felt no temptation to do +it, not because of any scruple of conscience--the suggestion did not get +as far as arousing that--but simply for the reason that most people do +not commit crime, because it does not seem a possible thing in the +scheme of life as it is normally known. Things horribly unbelievable, +out of the ordinary course, did happen in life, even as this thing that +had happened to him; but the angle of life was not thereby changed, it +was still the things that were abnormal. Ishmael saw the impossibleness +of killing his brother even while he saw the possibility. + +"Archelaus!..." he said again, speaking clearly and insistently. "You +are not to tell anyone else. You are not to tell Nicky. Do you hear me!" + +Archelaus stirred and opened his eyes; they stared at Ishmael for a long +moment without recognition. Then a flame of understanding came into +their dimmed look. + +"I'm come home to tell my son," he said. "He'm my flesh and blood; I'm +come home to tell en." + +"No--no!" Ishmael put out his hand to take the letters which Archelaus +had gathered into his grasp again. With surprising strength Archelaus +rolled his body over on to them, and his voice was raised in a cry +before Ishmael could stop him. At the same moment a step sounded in the +corridor. It was Nicky, doubtless anxious, coming along for a third time +to listen if all were well. At the cry he hurried and opened the door +and came quickly in. + +Hester the dog was with him and, bounding forward in the boisterous +manner of the well-meaning foolish creatures of her type, she sprang +upon the bed. Nicky ran forward as Archelaus uttered another cry, but +unlike the first. This was of pure high terror. Nicky seized the dog by +the scruff of the neck, so that she hung suspended for a moment in his +grasp above the bed, before he bore her to the door. Archelaus stared as +though he saw a ghost; his old mouth fell open, showing slack and curved +inwards like the mouth of a very young baby. His eyes glazed with his +terror; his cheeks had in that one minute assumed a pale, purplish hue, +on which the deep lines and darker veins stood out like a network laid +over his shrunken skin. He sat up in bed--he who had not lifted his head +for a week--and stayed rigid so for a few beating moments. Then he fell +back, crumpled up amid the pillows. Nicky had flung the dog outside, and +came to bend over him, casting a watchful eye towards Ishmael to see how +he was standing it. Ishmael's hand was slipped into the bed under his +brother's body; his eyes were fixed on his face. + +"Go for the doctor, quickly, Nicky!" he said. "Go yourself." + +The dying man opened his eyes and fixed them on Ishmael. + +"No," he said, so faintly that Nicky had to bend low to hear; "no. You +don't need to send him away.... I've had a sign, Ishmael; I've had a +sign.... Oh, my soul, I've had a sign!..." + +Ishmael bent over to him, trembling, waiting, wondering. + +"All these years I've tried to forget ..." said Archelaus, "and the Lard +hasn't forgotten.... _Phoebe, Phoebe, keep the dog from off me!..._" +His voice cracked on arising scream. Then he fell into an exhausted +silence, but his eyes still sought Ishmael's. Profoundly stirred, +knowing that, at what was literally for him the last hour, Archelaus was +agreeing to forego the full cup of his revenge, wondering why and yet +too shaken to wonder intelligently, Ishmael called to him in sudden +passion: + +"Archelaus ... brother! Try and think one thought of love, only one, +don't think of your fear. There's nothing there to hurt you. There's +only me and Nicky...." But Archelaus never spoke again. He lay and gazed +as though he were struggling for speech; in his eyes struggled the +tortured questioning of the inarticulate. + +What it was that had struck home to his brother at the last Ishmael was +never to know, but he recognised that in that minute's space was all of +remorse and understanding and forbearance, of a blind effort towards +something not wholly self, that Archelaus had ever known. The dying man +flung a failing hand out to Nicky, and his eyes were on him when what +light still lingered in them faded and went out. + +Nicky wanted to take Ishmael away, but the old man insisted on being +left alone with his dead brother for a while, and when Nicky, determined +not to go far or be more than a few minutes away, had left the room, +Ishmael went to the fire and dropped the letters in it one by one. He +watched them burn away, and then crossing over to the bed again he sat +down slowly in the chair beside it. + +Nicky had to send for the doctor, give the news to Marjorie, parry Jim's +questionings; and when at last he went upstairs again it was to find +Ishmael, in a deep sleep, slipped forward in his chair as though he had +never left it, his head against the edge of the bed, so that the +outflung dead hand of Archelaus almost touched his white hair. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +REAPING + + +August came in hot and clear, all over the countryside the crops ripened +well, and now, in the last quarter of the moon, they were ripe to cut. +Ishmael went down to the four-acre with Nicky to see the men at work, +and Jim, who for days had been on the tiptoe of excitement over the +advent of "the machine," as the binder was always called, ran in front +of them. + +The men had cleared a path some five feet wide all round the field with +their scythes, and now the clattering thing, crimson painted, blatant, +was going on with the work, and the great square of oats and barley +stood up compact and close; while round and round it, diminishing it +every time, went the machine, drawn by three glossy horses harnessed +unicorn fashion. + +Up the slope of the field they went, heads nodding, swelling sides +glistening in the sun, while Jimmy, proudly perched upon the leader, his +legs sticking out straight on either side, chirruped an encouragement +lost in the clatter. Up they came, till the three brown heads, the +forelocks blown about their rolling eyes, were clear cut against the +blue of the sea; then the man perched on his high iron seat tugged at +the reins, and the three horses and the clamorous machine came swirling +round the bend of the field and past the waiting knot of people. The +huge wheel, made of flail-like pieces set horizontally on spidery arms, +went thrashing round, scooping the standing corn on to the knife, which +cut it and thrust it into the mysterious recesses of the machine in the +twinkling of the blade. The next instant the bound bundle, neatly +knotted round with string, was vomited forth on the far side.... + +So the machine--capable, crimson, noisy--went on its magic way with a +glitter of whirling metal and a rhythmic clatter, the white blades of +the wheel flashing up against the sky. And a quiet little old man in +shirt-sleeves and trousers all of a soft faded blue bent about in the +stubble at its wake, leaning the bundles up, three together, against +each other, the delicate heads interlacing, and the fresh green of the +"lug"--the clover and other green things cut with the crop that make it +so rich a food for the cattle--showing through the stems here and there. + +"How d'you find it, John-Willy?" asked Ishmael of the little old man, +who rolled an ear of barley in his horny fingers and answered: + +"Rich, Maister Ishmael, rich!..." + +So it had come to the time of the harvest at Cloom, and the crops were +sound and sweet, and, if the weather held, the threshing would soon +follow. Life and harvest went on as they had for years, and Ishmael saw +that all things were done as they should be, and now the House had +adjourned and Nicky had come down to help him. For this, after all, was +life, Ishmael told himself--this seeing to the earth and her fulness, +this dealing with men and their wages and their work. This was definite; +about it there could be no illusion, no shattering of beliefs. + +Nicky, who for all his years was still occasionally swept by the impulse +to play, now when he saw Jimmy riding so triumphantly upon the leader +stopped the machine as it came past, and, bidding the driver dismount, +took his place upon the high iron seat and started off. Jimmy shrieked +with delight, and urged on his horse so fast that Nicky had to shout to +him to keep quiet. Jimmy kept on turning his head to see the completed +bundles being emitted from the back of the binder, and at every one he +gave a whoop of joy as though it were a result of his and his father's +cleverness. Nicky cracked his whip neatly round the boy's head without +ever touching him, as he had learnt to do in Canada, and every time the +little group of men and women standing beside Ishmael, his tenants, +applauded, admiringly. "They make a handsome pair, so they do!" said old +John-Willy Jacka. "I reckon you'm rare proud of your son and grandson, +Maister Ishmael!" + +Ishmael nodded. His eyes were fixed on the two of them as they appeared +up the slope--Jim coming in view first, so young and glowing against the +sunlit blue of the sky, so small upon the big powerful horse; then +Nicky, lean and handsome, his grave face lit to mirth, looking, with his +slouch felt hat and bare neck and chest exposed by the loose open shirt +he wore, like some brown god of the harvest--not a young deity of +spring, but the fulfilled presentment of life at the height of +attainment, at harvest. + +Yet he had been as young as Jim, would be as old as himself--so thought +Ishmael, with that impotency the watching of the flight of time evokes +in the heart. To Ishmael it seemed such a mere flash as he looked back +to the evening when the Neck had been cried in that field, and he had +thought the moment so vivid it must last for ever. That moment seemed +hardly further ago than when he had first broken his own earth in this +field with his new iron plough. Neither seemed really long ago at +all--time had gone too swiftly for that--yet both seemed very far away, +not set there by period, but by being in another life. What seemed +furthest away of anything was the morning last spring when he had sown +these acres with the dredge-corn now being reaped, and when the figure +of an old man in slaty-grey clothes had paused by the gate and stared +across the farmyard.... Archelaus now lay in six feet of earth, while he +himself still walked free upon these broad acres; and yet--what was it +Archelaus had said? "It'll be I, and not you, who's living on at Cloom; +'tes my flesh and blood'll be there, so 'tes mine, after all...." + +How much did that affect it? thought Ishmael now, as he watched for them +to come round once more, and gave a nod and a wave of the hand as they +breasted the slope. It was not, it occurred to him, not for the first +time, but more deeply than ever before, as though Archelaus had been +some stranger. He had built to make Cloom a good place for his +descendants, for his flesh and blood, but the same blood ran in Nicky +whether he or Archelaus had fathered him. Not one jot of it was +different. And this, which to Archelaus, had he been in Ishmael's +position, would have been the sharpest pang--which he had meant to be +the sharpest--was to Ishmael the saving element. For it prevented Cloom +being made in his eyes a thing of no account, the mere vehicle of +strangers. Cloom was more to him than his dislike of Archelaus--that was +what it amounted to. Nicky was more to him as himself than his idea of +him as his son. Jim was everything to him as the future of Cloom, not as +his grandson any more than that of Archelaus. But sonship struck more +nearly than any matter of a generation twice removed, and not so simply +as all that could the thing be harmonised with his groping soul. For he +was still tormented by doubts as to whether all he had lived on and by +must not be valueless since they were conceived on what did not exist, +still feeling lost, without anything definite to hold to, without any +solution of the riddle. He refused to believe that the whole riddle of +life might be without an answer, that there could be no pattern, only a +blind mingling of threads; that was a supposition everything in him, +inborn and learned, failed to tolerate. + +This summer had been a ghastly effort for him, who, for all his reserve, +had never been any use at deception; he had felt as though he took about +with him all day a sensation as of a hollow weight--something that bore +him down and yet had no solidity, that was rather the nightmare +heaviness of a dream. Also he was obsessed by the triumphant face of +Archelaus that leered at him, that stared at Nicky and Jim with a deadly +possessiveness in his eyes while they went their unconscious ways, that +said, as plainly as words could have, "I have won ... I have won!..." + +Life was not simple even at seventy, when such a mixture of motives and +sensations could hold sway--the old fear of Archelaus crystallised into +a definite writhing under this triumph of his, the aching sense of +personal loss in his son, and, sharpest pang of any, the fear that all +of life lay hollow behind and before.... Ever since Nicky's birth it had +seemed to him that every revelation had come to him through his +fatherhood of Nicky--ecstasies he had otherwise not touched.... Never, +much as he loved his girls, could they have given him hours such as +Nicky had; neither when Georgie had told him of the advent of each, nor +at the time of birth, had there been for him the deep significance of +the night when Phoebe had whispered to him.... There the fact that he +could only feel a thing at its height for the first time had stepped in, +preventing ever again a renewal of such ecstasy. + +And what was ecstasy worth if based on a lie? Back to the old question +he came, turning it over and over, aware of it in the back of his mind +even when he was thrusting it sternly away from the forefront of his +attention. + +He turned it over again now as the clattering binder went round and +round, diminishing the square of waving gold, littering the stubble with +swathes; and at every passing of it he waved to Jimmy, even when the +child had forgotten his presence and was showing off for the benefit of +some newcomer in the little group. The machine was nearing the tall +monolith of granite that stood up amid the corn, and Nicky was driving +carefully so as not to scrape the flails against its stone side. High +as he sat on his iron perch, it towered above him, and he turned the +horses carefully round it with a swirl that made Jimmy shriek for +pleasure. Jimmy leant sideways from his steed to try and slap the grey +granite in passing, but could not reach it save with the end of his +little whip. + +The last film of standing crop fell away from before the monolith, and +it reared up grim and gaunt, but sparkling with a thousand little points +of light as the bright flecks in the stone caught the sun. Nicky, who +had grown rather tired of his freak, undertaken to please Jimmy, brought +it, to an end with the successful negotiation of the monolith, and, +getting down, went to lift Jimmy also from his perch. + +"Dinner-time," he told him, and let him sit upon his shoulder, big boy +as he was, to ride to the gate. + +"Come along, father," said Nicky, slipping one hand upon Ishmael's arm, +and keeping the other folded over the slim brown ankles crossed against +his chest; "I promised Lissa I wouldn't let you tire yourself." + +They set off towards the house, the three of them, but it was Nicky who +answered Jim's eager talk as they went, and Ishmael who in silence tried +to answer his own thoughts. To one thing only he clung just then, with a +blind, almost superstitious, clinging, and that to his determination to +taste every moment of this harvesting, to see that everything was done +in the way he liked, to watch the rhythmic procession of it while yet he +could say that it was all his own. Physically also he had not been the +same man these months since the death of Archelaus. With his uncertainty +of mind as to the whole meaning of life went a feeling of insecurity +about everything. Often he had to keep a firm hold on himself not to cry +aloud that the world was slipping, slipping.... + +When the corn was all built into the great arishmows that stood bowing +towards each other like the giant dancers in some stately minuet, he +was there to watch. All day he went from field to field and watched the +strong young labourers building; those on the ground tossing to those on +the stooks, while the air was full of a deep rustling. One man would +crawl about on the growing mow, arranging each sheaf as it was tossed up +to him, so that its feathery crown lay towards the centre, away from +chance of rain. At last it was all finished--all the precious grain +tucked away out of possible harm in the heart of the arishmows, save for +the feathery bunch at the crest that fastened all off with a flourish. +It had been a lovely task, the building of the arishmows, for, like all +work to do with the land, it was the perfection of rhythm, and this, +added to the unending flow of tossing and packing, held always that +lovely rustling of stalk and ear as an accompaniment of music to the +action. + +Not many days later and the stately arishmows were destroyed and the +sheaves brought in on waggons and built into great stacks in the field +which lay next to the farmyard, where the threshing would take place. +There was a pile of the dredge-corn, another of deeply-golden oats, a +third of the greyer-tinted wheat, which was a little smaller than the +other two, though that also was as high as the roof of the barn. + +In the cleared space between the stacks the great steam thresher would +be brought; but now the men who would help in that work were still all +part of the weaving pattern of stacking; one man tossed from the +high-piled waggon, another, on the highest point of the growing stack, +caught it with his pitchfork and threw it on, with a sideways twist, to +the man on the lower end who got further and further along as he packed +the sheaves, so that the thrower had to increase the tangent of his +twist at every throw. Each of the men caught and tossed and placed, +always to the moment, with the unending flow of machinery. And again +--so often before, but never so keenly as now--was Ishmael struck with +the pattern of it all.... This could not surely be the only thing that +moved so rhythmically towards harvest; this inevitable flow, this deeply +necessary procession of events, of sowing and ripening, of cutting and +building and threshing, must surely hold its counterpart in the +garnering of men's lives ...; or did they alone reap the whirlwind, and +when the swirl of that was past, subside into formless dust? + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THRESHING + + +That day had come to which the whole of the farming year leads up--the +day of the threshing, when the grain is at last released from danger and +made ready to be stored in barns, to be ground in mills. "Guldise," as +it is still called in West Cornwall, is an epic occasion, when all the +months, from the first breaking of the land to the piling of the reaped +sheaves, culminate at the apex of achievement. + +In the field, between the waiting stacks, was the thresher; the +traction-engine which had dragged it there stood beyond, only harnessed +to it now by the long driving-belt that would, when the time came, make +of the thresher a living creature. Presently all the men began to +arrive, not only the labourers who always worked on the Manor farm, but +the men from the neighbouring farms, from those owned by Ishmael and +from others, for every threshing is a festival with a great dinner and +refreshments in the field and good cheer, even for the crowds of +children and stray dogs that always turn up out of nowhere. In the +kitchen the maids were busy with the preparations for the dinner, and in +the breakfast-room even Lissa, always late, was hurrying through her +breakfast so as to go out and start work on the series of quick sketches +she meant to do of the thresher at work and the groups around it. + +Lissa was a young-looking woman for her thirty-five years, no more +pretty than she had ever been, but graceful, and with a strong charm in +her lazy voice and long grey eyes and in the mouth that was so like +Georgie's, only less regular. Her chin and jaw had the clear sharpness +of Ishmael's; she was far more like him both in character and aspect +than the sweet round Ruth, and Ishmael had grown to feel more and more +that no matter how long a time elapsed between the occasions when he and +Lissa saw each other, yet they could always pick up where they had left +off, that there was never need for more than half-sentences between +them. She, who was supposed to be the selfish one of the family because +she lived in London most of the year and seldom wrote--she was still the +only member of the household who had known something was wrong with +Ishmael. She had found him uncommunicative on the subject, but she +watched him with her clear understanding eyes that always made him think +her so restful. + +"Come on, do Auntie Lissa!" urged Jim. "It's begun; I can hear it." + +"So can I," said Lissa drily; for the great moaning hum of the thresher +filled the air, went on and on as it would all day except at food-times, +sounding like some vast wasp held captive and booming unceasingly--some +great dragon of a wasp, as Jimmy put it. + +They went out together, but Lissa insisted on going to find grandpa +first and helping him on with his light coat; then they all three went +out across the farmyard and through the open gate into the field. + +The thresher stood humming and palpitant, its great bulk painted a dull +pinkish colour like a locust, but faded and stained with rust. Upon its +trembling roof the piles of oats, thrown by the men on the stack +alongside, showed a pure golden; above the sky was dazzlingly blue, and +in it the white cumuli rode brilliantly. The men working on the top of +the thresher showed bronzed against the luminous blue, their shirts as +brightly white as the clouds, the shadows under their slouched hats +lying soft and blue across their clear eyes. + +Poised on the stacks the men were busy feeding the sheaves to the men +on the thresher, who in their turn tilted them into the great concave +drum in its hidden heart. From one end poured out steady streams of +golden grain, into the hanging sacks that boys took away as they filled, +bringing in their place empty sacks that hung limply for a minute and +then began to fill, swelling and puffing out to sudden solidity. The +sieves beneath the thresher shook back and forth, back and forth, +tirelessly, while chaff poured away from the open jaws at the side in a +fine dusty column of pale gold, from which the topmost husks blew up +into the air, so that it was always filled with a whirling cloud that +danced and gleamed in the sunlight like a swarm of golden bees. + +At the far end of the thresher, away from the traction-engine, the +fumbling lips of the shakers, mouthing in and out beneath their little +penthouse, pushed out the beaten straw into the maw of an automatic +trusser, which Ishmael had only bought that year and which he was +watching eagerly. For one moment the formless tumble of straw, pushed +out by those waggling wooden lips above, was lost in the trusser, then +it shot forth below in bound bundles that had been made and tied by the +hidden hands of the machinery within, to the never-ceasing wonder of the +gaping children, who stared at the solemnly revolving spools of string +in the little pigeon-holes on either side and from them back to where +the string was perpetually disappearing, sucked into the interstices of +the trusser, as though, if only they stared hard enough, they must +eventually see how the miracle was accomplished. And from the ground yet +more men picked up the bundles on their pitchforks and tossed them to +men who were building the straw-ricks at the same time as the +corn-stacks were diminishing. Little boys bore away the chaff gathered +into sacks or swept it into a golden pile, feather-soft, from which +smoke-like whirls wreathed in the little breezes. + +In line with the thresher stood the engine, looped to it by trembling +curves of driving-belt, that wavered like a great black ribbon from the +driving-wheel of the traction-engine to that of the thresher, and that +showed a line of quivering light along its edge. A trail of dark smoke +blew ceaselessly from the traction-engine, staining the blue of the sky, +against which it faded and died away. The engine rocked a little +unceasingly upon its wheels as it stood, even as the thresher did, and +its governor whirled round and round like a demented spirit, so fast +that its short arms with the blobs on their ends made a little dark +circle in the air. A pool of steamy water lying in the grass beneath the +waste-pipe gave off white wreaths that wavered upwards and fell again, +while from a huge black butt upon wheels the greedy boiler sucked up +more and more through a coiling tube that glittered like a serpent. + +It was dark, ugly, smelly, the traction-engine, but it was what endowed +the murmurous thresher with life. In spite of its dirt and oil and +dripping secretions, it kept going that wonderful life which was filling +the world, the rising and falling hum, the streams of pouring grain, the +swelling sacks, the great glossy bundles of straw, the blown column of +chaff, the cloud of dancing golden magic bees that made of the air an +element transmuted, glorified. + +With all the threshings he had seen, it seemed to Ishmael that he had +still never seen any quite so wonderful, so radiant, so rich to eye and +ear and nostril, as this; and to little Jimmy, who had never been there +for guldise before, it was a golden miracle. He stood, silent for once, +transfixed, fronting the wondrous monster who did so many different +things at once with such perfect ease, never making a mistake or getting +out of time.... + +He helped, too, to carry out "crowse"--the midmorning lunch--to the men, +and he wandered about with the crowds of stray children and patted the +unresponsive dogs, and was admired by the women and bored by them, and +himself partook of big saffron buns, that Marjorie said would spoil his +dinner, but that didn't. Nothing, he felt, could have spoilt anything +that day. + +With evening and the last whirring of the thresher Ishmael, watching him +at play, felt, as he always had, that it is impossible to watch children +without an ache for the inevitable pity of it that they should have to +grow up. It was not, he felt, because they are particularly happy--for +never again can there be griefs blacker than those which darken all a +child's horizon, but simply because they stand for something beautiful +which can never come again. Now, looking at Jim and the other children, +he felt the old pity, but tinged with something new. For the first time +he saw that it was only by realising that children were symbols, the +mere passing exponents of a lovely thing which was itself ever present, +that it became possible to look at them without that aching. There would +always be, he supposed, some people who could look at children and feel, +not so much pity that these young things must age as self-pity that they +themselves had lost childhood; but others looked as he always had, with +a more impersonal pang, sorry that so beautiful a thing should fade. And +it was for the comfort of such as he to realise that it did not matter +in the least, because, though children grew up and away, childhood +remained--a bright banner carried from hand to hand, always in a new +grasp before the old one could tarnish it. More, he saw that it was this +very evanescence which had for him given childhood its sadness that also +gave it its beauty; if there were anywhere on earth a race of perpetual +children it would not be beautiful. For he saw that it was the +inevitable slipping-away of all life which gave poignancy to loveliness. + +He spoke something of his thought to Lissa, and she nodded in +comprehension. + +"That's why no picture or sculpture can be as beautiful as the human +model," she said, "not because of any necessary inferiority, but simply +in the terrible permanence of man's work as compared with God's." + +They stood a while longer side by side, and then Jimmy, who with the +last whirring note of the thresher suddenly felt very tired, came and +leant up against his grandfather. Ishmael stooped over the boy, and with +a great heave, despite Marjorie's protests--she had come out to take her +son to bed--he hoisted him up to his old bowed shoulder. + +"Say good-night to the thresher," he told him. "You are going to bed, +and it is going to bed too." + +"Is it very tired?" asked Jimmy. + +"Yes, nicely tired, like you when you have been running about all day." + +"Not nasty tired like I am after lessons?" + +"No, not nasty tired." + +"Are you tired, Grandad?" + +"Yes," said Ishmael. + +"Nice tired or nasty tired?" + +"Nice tired," said Ishmael; "old men and little boys both go nice +tired." + +"Like the thresher?" persisted Jimmy, and, receiving an answer that +satisfied him, allowed his grandfather to carry him in to bed, though he +could have gone in so much more quickly himself, for grandpapa could not +run with him on his shoulder as his father could. But Jimmy was in no +hurry, because every minute gained was a minute out of bed and in this +wonderful world where threshers hummed and golden clouds wove themselves +ceaselessly in the air. + +Ishmael too felt very tired, as he had said; but, as he had also said, +it was a pleasant tiredness. His day had been too full for thought other +than of what was happening before his eyes. An exquisite sense of +fitness, of something that was falling into place as everything in the +history of the harvest had done, a sense as of gathered sheaves and +stored grain, was with him, though sub-consciously. His brain felt +filled with visual impressions, his old eyes held a riot of blue and +gold, and a humming was still in his ears. As he closed his lids that +night golden motes danced within them. + +He sank off into sleep, and then drifted, half-awake again, to that +state when the mind is not fully aware of where it is or of what has +happened. It seemed to him, for one blurred moment, that he was a little +boy again, falling to sleep on that evening when the Neck was cried ...; +and then, out of the far past, came back to him the remembrance that it +was at the Vicarage he had slept that night. Something told him he was +not there now.... Vaguely, in the darkness, he put up his hand to feel +if the plaster Christ were above his head. His groping old fingers found +it, and he stayed, half-reared up against his pillows for an instant, +while he touched the drooping head with its thorny crown, and on that +familiar touch he let his hand fall, and with it fell asleep. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +GARNERED GRAIN + + +The next morning he was found lying as though worn out suddenly, never +to move or speak again. Only his brain was still alert as he lay there +and watched them all from under his heavy lids. Three days he lay, and +they could not even tell how much he understood, for he was past the +effort that communicating with them would have meant; but all the while +he was feeling his brain was clearer than it had ever been in his life, +that at last he knew many things he could have told them if he could +have spoken, only they were things that cannot be taught by one man +to another, for every man must find them for himself. + +At first it seemed to him he was floating very peacefully on a clear +sea, untroubled in mind or body, though seeing he was drifting, because +he was also aware that whither he was drifting was the inevitable +direction of a kindly current. Then after a little or long while, he +could not have told which, he seemed himself to become stationary, while +past him flowed the pattern of his life as he remembered it--scenes grey +and many-coloured, blurred at the edges, but sharp with an aching +clarity at the core. They had all gone, these happenings, but it was not +that which gave the poignancy; it was that the Ishmael who had taken +part in them was gone too, and each had borne something of himself away +with it. + +Those first childish years after he had known Cloom was to be his, that +he had to regenerate it; then those years at St. Renny ... Killigrew +floated past him, joyous and pagan. There was Hilaria, joyous also ... he +had forgotten her for years now. At St. Renny life was always just +ahead, and he only had the sense of preparing for it, of being ready to +leap into it as into some golden cool stream of running waters.... In +those days it had been Cloom, the place made for him in life, that had +held so much of glamour in its grey walls and hard acres. Yet even then +there had been something else, some recognition of the fact that even +this was not an end to itself alone.... Then youth--the first years at +Cloom and that wonderful incursion into the London that was as past as +he was, that London that had been half-wonder, half-nightmare, and that +had held his love for Blanche. There had been a brief spell when he had +told himself that this was the chief thing, that in that passionate +fusing of two spirits, that absorption in some one other loved being, +lay the end in life, but the mirage had dissolved then even as the image +of it wavered and faded now. While he was lost and groping in the wastes +it had left him in, there swam up the memory of Hilaria again, but no +horror went with it. And though this second impinging of her life on his +bore the far-off memory of fear, yet it now seemed as vital and natural +as the first. She had shown him something long ago which he was fully +understanding now. + +He passed on, and again there lifted its head the thing which, in his +clean, boyish horror, he had taken to hold a terror which he now saw it +did not of necessity. He had learnt to mistrust it because it had led +him into what had at the time been such a mistaken marriage with poor +little Phoebe; but that, too, seemed to matter very little now. He saw +again how in that one hectic year he had tried to tell himself that +physical passion was at least the chief drug of life, that the wonder +and the intoxication of it made all else pale, that it made even +sordidness and strain worth while; and he saw again his revulsion from +it, his effort to break away. + +He drifted into the blackness he supposed was night, and came up out of +it at the hour of his life when for the first time he had found +something which, however it had modified or changed, had yet never +entirely been swamped by anything else, which in some ways had +strengthened--the wonder of fatherhood that he had felt, the ecstasy of +creation, which had dawned for him on that night when Phoebe had +whispered to him.... What now of that hour, that hour which had seemed +so utterly broken by what Archelaus had told him all these years after? +He still could not see quite clearly, though now it was with no sense of +being hopelessly baffled that he fell back awhile from before that +curtain. He went on passing again through his life, and he saw the +harder years that came crowding along, those definite, clear-cut years +of young manhood when he had somehow drifted a little away from Boase, +when he had first begun to be a man in the country, when all his schemes +and working out of them had filled the hours--still with Nicky as the +chief personal interest. + +In his childhood he had lived by what would happen in a far golden +future, in his youth by what might happen any dawning day; but in his +years of manhood, and from then till he began to feel the first oncoming +of age, he had lived by what he did. Then he came again to Georgie, and +saw how insensibly he had been won to softer ways, though never to the +glamour-ridden ways of first youth. They had been sweet, those years, +and the sweeter for the outside things--the friendship with Killigrew +that had vivified his life, the pleasant intermittent times with Judith, +the renascence of intimacy with Boase and the growth of his children, +growing away from him every year, but none the less to be loved for +that. What had he lived by during those years? Not, consciously, by +anything, except a mere going on and a determination to make the best +of things, to get the most out of everything. When the Parson died he +had a glimpse of a world he had lost sight of since his youth, but not +then could he give up this one sufficiently to do more than glimpse it. +And when Nicky was in South Africa he had suffered that second violent +onslaught of the personal which racked him this way and that. +Vassie--the horror that her death had held now seemed to him as empty of +all save peace as Hilaria's. But all the while he had been living by +what he found in that passionate moment when he stood, a man of sixty, +at the top of the hill above the seaward valley and had seen the rainbow +arching over Cloom and the distant sea. Beauty, the actual joy of the +world, that had been feeding his soul all the time, giving him those +moments of ecstasy without which Killigrew had always said the soul +could not be saved alive. From that moment the slope of the ten years +down to the present seemed so swift that he found his vision of them +less clear than of preceding periods. What of these last years, each of +which was bringing him with, it seemed, such increasing momentum, +towards the end? + +And in a flash he saw what he had, all unknowingly, lived by since the +decline of his powers had fallen upon swiftness, and he saw it as what +alone makes life bearable. He had lived by the knowledge of death, by +the blessed certainty that life could not go on for ever, that there +must be an end to all the wanderings and pain, to all the dulnesses and +unsatisfactory driftings, to all the joys that would otherwise fall upon +sluggishness or cloy themselves. This it was that gave its fine edge to +pleasure, its sweet sharpness to happiness, and their possible solace to +pain and grief. He had lived, as all men do, knowingly or not, by death. +This was the secret bread that all men shared. + +Again came that period of unconsciousness which corresponded to night, +and the third day dawned. Again his brain felt of a crystal clearness; +he was undistressed by the fact he could not speak to those around him +or even return the pressure of their hands, for he was feeling all the +old intoxicating joy of discovery at breaking into new lands. He even +felt a mischievous elation that all this secret pageant, this +retrospective wonder that was life, should be his to watch and enjoy, +while all around thought him past emotion already. + +If, then, men lived by death, what was death? Not a mere cessation--then +a going-on.... He made no definite images of it in his mind, did not +even wonder whether he should see those others he had known and loved +who had passed into these tracts before him. That seemed to him now, as +it always had when he had thought of it, rather unimportant. What +mattered, he had always known, was the adjustment of the soul to +something beyond it, to which it and the whole of life stood in +inextricably close and vital relationship. Those other relationships, +those other meetings, might be included in that as an added pleasure, +but the other thing, if there at all, would necessarily be of such +supreme importance as in its bright light to drown all minor effulgence. +And that it was there, always, in this world and the next, he knew, for +he had always felt his soul breathe it as surely as his lungs had +inhaled the free airs of the earth. That the first meeting with it might +not be all happiness, that as, in the Parson's creed, inevitable pains +would have to be worked through before the soul could be sufficiently +purged to meet it clearly upon its ultimate levels, mattered very +little. At least, the pains would be different pains, not the same old +wearying ones of earth--the disappointments and the mortifications, the +burning anxieties and the bitter losses, the overwhelming physical +disasters, that everyone had to go through sooner or later. + +It lay before him, not as a darkness, but a brightness, that he knew. He +felt an exquisite easing, even of the very muscles of his stricken +body, as he thought of it--a brightness which every soul went to swell, +which gained a glowing, luminous pulse of light from each one that +slipped into its shining spaces.... + +And with that came light on all that puzzled and tormented him since he +had known the facts about Nicky, and the mere physical paternity of him +seemed a small thing beside such light as this. That passion of joy he +had felt when he had heard of Nicky's coming had not been wasted: it had +gone to make something in himself he would never otherwise have known; +it had gone on in him as a living force, and had helped him to make +Nicky what he was as much as one human being can make another. Archelaus +had "won" in that Cloom would belong, though no man knew it, to his son +and his grandson after him, but it no longer seemed to Ishmael to matter +whether Archelaus "won" or not. There was at last no striving, no +unacknowledged but hidden combat, no feeling of lingering unfairness. + +Ishmael knew how, with all his elusiveness, Nicky had been very +malleable, immensely open to impressions, to what was held before him, +and he knew how different Nicky would have been if Archelaus had had the +moulding of him. Just as even at this hour he was reverting to all he +had learnt--more from watching and imbibing it than any other way--from +Boase, so Nicky had absorbed from him what made him what he was. And +yet, so till the end did the deep inherited instinct of the man who +lives by land hold him, Ishmael took pleasure in the thought that, after +all, Nicky was of Ruan blood.... So much of earth held by him as +everything else began to slip away. + +Then towards evening thought fell away too, leaving him only with what +he had called to Jimmy a "nice tiredness." So do children feel after a +day's play, so do old, old men feel after a life's work.... + +He was dimly but certainly aware that Nicky was beside his pillow, his +hand upon him, that other figures were beyond, of Nicky's bent head, but +in his drowsy mind it was confused with the head of the plaster Christ +that had leaned forward from the wall behind and was drooping low over +him. The hair fell softly over his eyes like the falling of a shadow, +and under it he could see the Divine eyes, that had beamed at him now +and again throughout his life, but never as brightly as in boyhood, +smiling into his. He smiled back, and then, with a queer little apology +in his mind, he turned his eyes away to take a last look at the soft +dusk through the window. + +Later, when Nicky had closed the sightless eyes, the young moon swam up +upon her back. She who had just gone through her full round scarred +maturity and died of old age was now virgin once again, with that +renascent virginity some of the greatest courtesans have known, a +remoteness of spirit, a chill freshness that is in itself eternal youth. + + + + +EPILOGUE + + +Jimmy Ruan went through the farmyard and climbed upon the gate that led +into the field. He saw the big straw stacks that had been built up only +four days ago at the time of the threshing; he saw the black and sodden +patch upon the turf where the steamy water had dripped ceaselessly, the +ruts where the heavy thresher and the traction engine had driven deep +into the soil. He saw, too, the last little scales of chaff, still +palely golden, that had lain hidden till this frolicsome wind had come +to whirl them up in one last mad dance before it lost them for ever. For +it was a morning of clear and windy brightness, one of those first days +of autumn which are also a last flicker of the summer. + +The wind was everywhere--high in the flocculent clouds, low between the +closest grass-blades; scattering the seeded flowers in the hedgerows, +rippling under the tarpaulin covers of the stacks so that they seemed to +be drawing deep breaths, twisting the golden straws upon the cobbled +yard until they seemed to be playing together--playing mad games of +wrestling, each slim golden combatant writhing from beneath his fellow +at the last moment of contact. The wind lifted also the collar of Jim's +tunic, making it flap about his rosy cheeks, and it sent streaming out +the black silk tie that his mother had knotted there herself. + +Jim put up his hand to make sure the black tie was still safe. He was +sorry that his grandfather was what people called dead, but with his +sorrow went a tiny thrill. Nothing so important had ever happened to +Jimmy before. He wondered if he would be put into black altogether so +that the other children he met would know he was in mourning. + +He swayed back and forth upon the gate. First he pretended he was a +soldier riding on horseback like his father had been in South +Africa-on-the-map. Next he was a sailor in a storm at sea, and the wind +was shaking his good ship under him, and the waves were mounting, high, +high, as they often had over the ship of old Uncle Archelaus, whom he +had met long ago. + +Thought of the sea and sight of the tiny ripples on the surface of the +horse-trough suggested a new game to him. He had been told to run away +out of doors and not bother, so it was very quietly that he crept into +the empty breakfast-room, which was also his playroom, and began to +search in his toy chest for something he could pretend was a ship. With +a cry of joy he pounced upon a walnut shell that lay tucked away in a +corner. He sat upon his heels, the shell in his little brown hand. He +was remembering that it was one his grandfather had cracked for him and +made into a boat by the addition of matches for seats and mast. He loved +it until his uncle Archelaus had made him a real boat of wood, and then +he had thrown it aside and forgotten it. In this corner it must have +lain ever since while he played with and broke the other ship of wood. + +He took it out now into the sunny, windy yard and on into the lane, on +the other side of which there was a tiny thread of water that trickled +down the slope to the stream which raced along the bottom of the rock +garden. Jim was not allowed to go down to the real stream by himself, so +he stayed in the lane and carefully launched his recovered treasure upon +the tiny rivulet. He watched anxiously--yes, it floated. He bent forward +and poked with a twig to dislodge it from a tiny tangle of weed; then +his foot slipped and he splashed his clean socks. Bother! He had +promised not to be a nuisance. He soon was wetter still, and began to +feel happier. + +When the little boat was fairly caught in the current it went bobbing +away out of his reach, and he saw it disappear in the pipe under the +road. He pictured it emerging, being hurtled down to the real stream and +then hurried upon that right out to sea.... He felt no pang at losing it +in his excitement at its adventurous career. Soon he was busy upon other +matters; he was by turns a pirate, an engineer who built a dam, and an +airman who jumped off a boulder and had one intoxicating moment in +mid-air.... Then for a while he played at being grandfather and lying +still with his eyes shut. + +But that was dull, and he was glad when he heard his mother's voice +calling him in to dinner. He shook off the earth with which he had tried +to besprinkle himself and scrambled up. It was dull being dead. He would +never be dead, but he would be anything and everything else--when he was +a man. + + +THE END + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Secret Bread, by F. Tennyson Jesse + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SECRET BREAD *** + +***** This file should be named 16683.txt or 16683.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/6/8/16683/ + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, David Clarke and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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