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diff --git a/16244-h/16244-h.htm b/16244-h/16244-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9950ff1 --- /dev/null +++ b/16244-h/16244-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1648 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII" /> +<title>The Turkish Jester</title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + P { margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + H1, H2 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + } + H3, H4 { + text-align: left; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + } + BODY{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + .pagenum {position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + color: gray;} + .blkquot {margin-left: 4em; margin-right: 4em;} /* block indent */ + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> +</head> +<body> +<h2> +<a href="#startoftext">The Turkish Jester, by Nasreddin Hoca</a> +</h2> +<pre> +The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Turkish Jester, by Nasreddin Hoca, +Translated by George Borrow + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: The Turkish Jester + or, The Pleasantries of Cogia Nasr Eddin Effendi + + +Author: Nasreddin Hoca + + + +Release Date: July 8, 2005 [eBook #16244] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TURKISH JESTER*** +</pre> +<p><a name="startoftext"></a></p> +<p>Transcribed from the 1924 Norwich edition, Vol. 16, Miscellanies, +by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/cover.jpg"> +<img alt="Original cover page" src="images/cover.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<h1>THE TURKISH JESTER;<br /> +OR,<br /> +THE PLEASANTRIES<br /> +OF<br /> +COGIA NASR EDDIN EFENDI.</h1> +<p>TRANSLATED FROM THE TURKISH<br /> +BY<br /> +GEORGE BORROW.</p> +<p>IPSWICH:<br /> +W. WEBBER, DIAL LANE,<br /> +1884. <!-- page 253--><span class="pagenum">p. 253</span></p> +<h2>THE PLEASANTRIES OF COGIA NASR EDDIN EFENDI</h2> +<blockquote><p>‘A breeze, which pleasant stories bears,<br /> +Relicks of long departed years.’</p> +</blockquote> +<p>The story goes, one of the stories of a hundred, that Cogia Nasr +Eddin Efendi one day ascending into the pulpit to preach, said, ‘O +believers, do ye not know what I am going to say to you?’ +The congregation answered, ‘Dear Cogia Efendi, we do not know.’ +Then said the Cogia, ‘What shall I say to you until you do know?’ +One day the Cogia ascending again into the pulpit, said, ‘O Mussulmen, +do ye not know what I am going to say to you?’ ‘We +do know,’ they replied. Then said the Cogia, ‘Some +of ye do know already, what should I have to say to you?’ +Then descending from the chair he went out. The assembly separated +quite astonished, and, when they were out, continued to say, ‘Which +are those of us who know? Which are those who do not know?’ +The Cogia one day again mounting the chair in the same manner, said, +‘O brothers, when I said to ye, “Do you know what I shall +say?” there were some who said, “We know,” others +said, “We do not.” It were now well that those among +ye who knew what the Cogia said should teach those that did not.’ +<!-- page 254--><span class="pagenum">p. 254</span></p> +<p>One day Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi said, ‘O Mussulmen, give thanks +to God Most High that He did not give the camel wings; for, had He given +them, they would have perched upon your houses and chimneys, and have +caused them to tumble upon your heads.’</p> +<p>One day Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi having mounted the chair in a city, +said, ‘O Mussulmen, the air above this city is just like the air +above my city.’ The congregation said, ‘O Cogia Efendi, +how do you know that?’ Said the Cogia, ‘Because I +have seen as many stars above this city as I saw above Belgrade.’</p> +<p>One night the Cogia dreamt that he was given nine aspres, whereupon +the Cogia said, ‘O now pray make them up ten’; afterwards +he said, ‘Make them up eleven,’ and then presently, a dispute +having arisen, he awoke and saw that in his hand he had nothing, thereupon +closing his eyes anew and stretching out his hands, he said, ‘Well, +well, I shall be content with nine aspres.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia went out into the plain, and as he was going along +he suddenly saw some men on horseback coming towards him. Cogia +Efendi, in a great hurry, set off towards a cemetery, and having reached +it took off his clothes, and entering into a tomb lay down. The +horsemen, on seeing the Cogia run away, followed him to the place where +he lay, and said, ‘O fellow, <!-- page 255--><span class="pagenum">p. 255</span>why +do you lie here?’ Cogia Efendi, finding nothing else to +say, replied, ‘I am one of the buried people, but came here to +walk.’</p> +<p>Cogia Efendi one day went into a garden, pulled up some carrots and +turnips and other kinds of vegetables, which he found, putting some +into a sack and some into his bosom; suddenly the gardener coming up, +laid hold of him, and said, ‘What are you seeking here?’ +The Cogia, being in great consternation, not finding any other reply, +answered, ‘For some days past a great wind has been blowing, and +that wind blew me hither.’ ‘But who pulled up these +vegetables?’ said the gardener. ‘As the wind blew +very violently,’ replied the Cogia, ‘it cast me here and +there, and whatever I laid hold of in the hope of saving myself remained +in my hands.’ ‘Ah,’ said the gardener, ‘but +who filled the sack with them?’ ‘Well,’ said +the Cogia, ‘that is the very question I was about to ask myself +when you came up.’</p> +<p>One day Cogia Efendi, on whom God be merciful, went to the city of +Conia, and going into a pastry-cook’s shop, seized hold of a tart, +and saying, ‘In the Name of God,’ began to eat it. +The pastry-cook cried out, ‘Halloa, fellow, what are you about?’ +and fell to beating him. The Cogia said, ‘Oh what a fine +country is this of Conia, in which, whilst a man eats a tart, they put +in a blow as a digester for every morsel.’ <!-- page 256--><span class="pagenum">p. 256</span></p> +<p>Cogia Nasr Eddin, at the time of the Holy Ramadan, thought to himself, +‘What must I do in order to hold the fast in conformity with the +people? I must prepare an earthen pot, and every day put a stone +into it, and when thirty days are completed I may hold my Beiram.’ +So he commenced placing stones in the pot, one every day. Now +it happened one day that a daughter of the Cogia cast a handful of stones +into the pot, and a little time after some people asked the Cogia, ‘What +day of the month is it to-day?’ Now it happened to be the +twenty-fifth. The Cogia, however, said to them, ‘Have patience +and I will see’; and going to his house and emptying the pot, +perceived that there were a hundred and twenty stones in it. Says +the Cogia to himself, ‘If I tell the people all this number they +will call me a fool.’ So going to them he said, ‘This +day is the forty-fifth day of the month.’ But, said they, +‘O Cogia, a month has in all but thirty days, so how can you say +that to-day is the forty-fifth?’ ‘I spoke quite within +bounds,’ said the Cogia. ‘If you were to see the account +in the pot you would find that to-day is the hundred and twentieth.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia was asked, ‘When there is a new moon, what +becomes of the old one?’ ‘They make forty stars out +of each,’ said the Cogia.</p> +<p>One day the Cogia went out of the city along with a cafila or caravan +of people, and felt a <!-- page 257--><span class="pagenum">p. 257</span>wish +to ride. Now there was a camel belonging to the cafila, and the +Cogia said to himself, ‘Now, if instead of walking I should mount +on this camel, how comfortably could I travel!’ Thereupon +mounting on the camel, he proceeded along with the cafila. The +camel, however, falling to kicking, flung the Cogia to the earth and +knelt upon him. The Cogia cried out loudly, and the people of +the cafila came and rescued him. After a little time the Cogia, +coming to his senses, said, ‘O Mussulmen, did you not see how +that perfidious camel maltreated me? Now do hold the perfidious +brute for me, that I may cut its throat.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia bought a quantity of eggs at the rate of nine for +the aspre, and carrying them to another place, he sold them at the rate +of ten. Some people asking him, ‘Why do you sell ten for +what you gave for nine?’ the Cogia replied, ‘I always wish +my friends to see that I lose by my bargains.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia walking along the plain met a heifer, and forthwith +laying thievish hands upon it, led it straight to his house, where he +slaughtered it and stripped off the skin. The proprietor soon +appeared before the Cogia’s house, making a loud cry and lamentation. +‘Who would have thought,’ said the Cogia to his people and +his wife, ‘that my flaying the heifer would have made that fellow’s +face look so black?’ <!-- page 258--><span class="pagenum">p. 258</span></p> +<p>One day the Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi passing along the bazaar, an +individual coming up to him said, ‘Pray, Cogia, what is the moon +to-day? Is it at three or four?’ ‘I don’t +know,’ said the Cogia. ‘I neither buy nor sell the +moon.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia taking a ladder on his shoulder, placed it against +a garden wall, and mounting, got over, taking the ladder with him. +The gardener seeing him said, ‘Who are you? and what do you want +here?’ ‘I am come to sell this ladder,’ said +the Cogia without hesitation. ‘Is this a place for selling +a ladder?’ said the gardener. ‘O you foolish man,’ +said the Cogia, ‘cannot a ladder be sold anywhere?’</p> +<p>Nasr Eddin Efendi one day taking hold of some fowls one by one, tied +some strips of an apron round their throats, and then let them go. +The learned men having assembled round the Cogia, said, ‘What +was the matter with these fowls?’ Said the Cogia, ‘They +merely went into mourning for their slaughtered mothers.’</p> +<p>One day a bull mounted a young cow of the Cogia’s. The +Cogia seeing what he was about, took a staff in his hand and ran towards +him. The bull fled towards the car of a Turcoman, to which seven +other oxen were attached. The Cogia keeping the ox in view, ran +after him, and with the staff in his hand struck the ox several blows. +‘Halloa, man!’ said the Turcoman. <!-- page 259--><span class="pagenum">p. 259</span> +‘What do you want with my ox?’ ‘Don’t +you interfere, you foolish dog,’ said the Cogia. ‘He +knows full well what he has done.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia made his last will. ‘When I die,’ +said he, ‘place me in an old tomb.’ When the people +about him said, ‘Why do you make this request?’ the Cogia +said, ‘When the inquiring angels come and ask me questions, I +can say, “I am deaf. Do you not see that I as well as my +tomb am old?”’</p> +<p>One day Cogia Efendi, putting on very short habiliments, went to +the mosque to say his prayers. Whilst performing the rakoua the +man who was behind him perceiving the Cogia’s --- seized hold +of them and squeezed them, whereupon the Cogia, seizing hold of those +of the man who was before him, squeezed them too; the man, turning round +and perceiving that it was Cogia Efendi himself, said, ‘Halloa, +what are you about?’ ‘You must ask the man behind +me,’ said the Cogia.</p> +<p>One day the boys of Belgrade took the Cogia along with them into +the bath. They had secretly brought in their pouches a number +of eggs. One and all going into the bathing-house, took off their +clothes and went in, and then, sitting down on the bench, they all said +to one another, ‘Come, let us lay eggs: whosoever does not lay +an egg shall pay the expenses of the bath’; <!-- page 260--><span class="pagenum">p. 260</span>after +which they began to make a great noise, cackling like hens, and flinging +the eggs which they had brought on the stone bench. Cogia Efendi, +seeing what they were about, suddenly began to make a great noise and +crow like a cock. ‘What are you about, Cogia Efendi?’ +said the boys. ‘Why,’ said he, ‘is not a cock +necessary where there are so many hens?’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia, putting on black clothes, went out. The +people, looking at him, said, ‘Cogia Efendi, for whose death are +you in mourning?’ The Cogia answered, ‘My son’s +father is dead, and I wear mourning for him.’</p> +<p>One day Cogia, returning from the harvest field, felt very thirsty. +Looking around, he saw that they watered a tree by means of a pipe from +a fountain. The Cogia exclaimed, ‘I must drink,’ and +pulled at the spout, and as he did so the water, spouting forth with +violence, wetted the mouth and head of the Cogia, who, in a great rage, +said, ‘They watered this wretched tree in order that one fool +might wet another.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia, taking some water melons with him, went to the +mountain in order to cut wood. Feeling thirsty, he cut one of +the melons, and, putting it to his mouth, cast it away, saying that +it was tasteless. He then cut up another, and, to be short, he +cut them all up, and, having <!-- page 261--><span class="pagenum">p. 261</span>eaten +a little of each, made water over what remained. He then fell +to work at cutting wood. After some time the Cogia again became +thirsty, and finding no water, he went to the bits of the melons which +he had cut up, and saying, ‘This is sprinkled, and this is sprinkled,’ +ate them all.</p> +<p>Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi had a lamb which he had fattened to a high +degree. One day some of his friends having assembled, said, ‘Let +us get the lamb from the Cogia and feast upon it.’ So coming +to the Cogia as quick as possible, they said, ‘O Cogia, to-morrow +is the Day of Judgment; what would you do with this lamb? Come, +take it, and let us eat it.’ The Cogia, however, would not +believe them. Coming again, however, they said the same thing, +and the Cogia, at last believing their words were true, slaughtered +the lamb, and, taking it on his back, he carried it to the public walk, +and, lighting a fire, he began to prepare a roast. Presently, +stripping their bodies, they delivered their clothes to the Cogia, and +each went aside to sleep. Whereupon the Cogia, taking their garments, +flung them all into the fire and burnt them. In a little time, +their bellies becoming hungry from the sleep they had had, they came +again, and saw that their garments were nearly reduced to a coal. +Whereupon they said to the Cogia, ‘Who burnt our clothes?’ +‘My dear friends,’ replied the Cogia, ‘to-morrow is +the Day of Resurrection, so what need can you have of clothes?’ +<!-- page 262--><span class="pagenum">p. 262</span></p> +<p>One day a thief, entering the house of the Cogia, laid hold of everything +there was there, and, placing it on his back, went away. The Cogia, +however, spying somebody going out, followed the thief, who went into +his own house. The Cogia following close behind, pushed against +him at the door. Whereupon the thief said, ‘What do you +want, Cogia Efendi?’ ‘What do I want?’ said +the Cogia. ‘Why, are we not going to remove hither to-day?’</p> +<p>One day certain individuals stole from the Cogia a sum of money, +whereupon the Cogia said, ‘O Lord, what need have you that you +give my money to others.’ So he made a dreadful outcry, +and going into the mosque, wept until it was morning, groaning like +a ship labouring in the sea. Those who were there said, ‘Ye +who have found salvation make up a sum of money for the Cogia.’ +So whosoever had found salvation through the assistance of the Almighty +made up what he could, and brought it to the Cogia. Whereupon +the Cogia exclaimed, ‘Allah, Allah! by lying one night publicly +in the mosque and weeping, I have caused Allah to send me my money again.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia borrowed a cauldron of a brazier, and carrying +it home, put a little saucepan into it, and then carrying it back, returned +it to its owner. The owner seeing a little saucepan in the cauldron, +said, ‘What is this?’ <!-- page 263--><span class="pagenum">p. 263</span> +‘Why,’ cried the Cogia, ‘the cauldron has borne a +child’; whereupon the owner took possession of the saucepan. +One day the Cogia asked again for the cauldron, and having obtained +it, carried it home. The owner of the cauldron waited one day +and even five days for his utensil, but no cauldron coming, he went +to the house of the Cogia and knocked at the door. The Cogia coming +to the door, said, ‘What do you want?’ ‘The +cauldron,’ said the man. ‘Oh, set your heart at rest,’ +said the Cogia, ‘the cauldron is dead.’ ‘O Cogia,’ +said the man, ‘can a cauldron die?’ ‘Oh,’ +said the Cogia, ‘as you believed it could bear a child, why should +you not believe that it can die?’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia, walking amongst the sepulchres, saw a large dog +lying upon a gravestone. The Cogia, in a great rage laying hold +on a stick, aimed a blow at the dog, who in his turn assaulted the Cogia. +The Cogia fearing that he should be torn to pieces, said to the dog, +‘Get you gone: I conquered. Get you gone.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia laying hold on a crane, took it home, and saying +that its beak and feet were very long, cut them off with a knife; and +placing it on a lofty place, said, ‘Now you look like a bird.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia having made his broth very hot, burnt his mouth, +and making a great outcry, <!-- page 264--><span class="pagenum">p. 264</span>ran +into the street, saying, ‘Make way, brothers: there is a fire +in my belly.’</p> +<p>A Moolah, who had travelled about Arabia, Persia, Hindustan, and, +in a word, the whole seven climes without finding any one who could +answer his questions, was told by a man, ‘In this country there +is a man called Cogia Nasr Eddin, who will answer your questions if +any one can.’ The Moolah arising, went straight to Belgrade, +where he bought an aspre’s worth of pomegranates, which he placed +in his bosom. Going out of the suburbs of Belgrade, he saw a man +going to his labour; now this was the Cogia himself. Going up +to him he saw a man like a fakeah, with shoes of raw hide on his feet +and a kiebbeh or rough cloak on his back. When he was close by +him he said to him, ‘Salaam’; and the Cogia saying to him, +‘Peace be unto you,’ said, ‘Moolah Efendi, for what +have you come?’ The Moolah replied, ‘Can you answer +a question which I shall ask?’ The Cogia said, ‘I +can.’ ‘Do you know so-and-so?’ The Cogia +said, ‘I can do nothing without being paid. What will you +give me?’ The Moolah taking the pomegranates which were +in his bosom, gave him one; whereupon the Cogia answered his question, +and got all his pomegranates, one by one, till not a single grain remained. +The Moolah then said, ‘I have yet one question to ask.’ +The Cogia replied, ‘Go your way: don’t trouble me. +The pomegranates are spent.’ Whereupon the Moolah went away, +saying, ‘If the labourers of Moom <!-- page 265--><span class="pagenum">p. 265</span>are +of this description, what must the learned men be?’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia saw a great many ducks playing on the top of a +fountain. The Cogia, running towards them, said, ‘I’ll +catch you’; whereupon they all rose up and took to flight. +The Cogia, taking a little bread in his hand, sat down on the side of +the fountain, and crumbling the bread in the fountain, fell to eating. +A person coming up, said, ‘What are you eating?’ ‘Duck +broth,’ replied the Cogia.</p> +<p>One day the Cogia having bought a liver, was carrying it to his house; +suddenly a kite, swooping from above with a loud scream, seized the +liver, and flew off with it. The Cogia remained staring after +it, but saw that it was impossible to recover his meat. Making +up his mind, he ran up to the top of an eminence, and a person passing +below with a liver in his hand, the Cogia darted down and snatched the +liver out of the person’s hand, and ran again up the rock. +‘Hallo, Cogia,’ said the man, ‘what are you about?’ +‘I was merely playing the kite out of fun,’ said the Cogia.</p> +<p>A person coming to Nasr Eddin Efendi, requested him to let him have +a rope. The Cogia went into his house, and coming out again, said, +‘The rope is striking ten.’ ‘How can a rope +strike ten?’ said the man. ‘It will always be <!-- page 266--><span class="pagenum">p. 266</span>striking +ten,’ said the Cogia, ‘till I feel inclined to give you +the rope.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia put some fowls into a cage and set out for the +castle of Siouri. As he was going along he said to himself, ‘These +poor wretches are here imprisoned: I think I may as well give them a +little liberty.’ So he let them all out, and all the hens +ran off in one direction or another. The Cogia taking a stick +in his hand, placed himself before the cock, pushing him and driving +him, saying, ‘O you who in the middle of the night knowest when +it is morning, how is it that in broad day thou knowest not the way +to the castle?’</p> +<p>One day as the Cogia was wandering amongst the tombs, by the side +of the way he fell into an old tomb, and making believe as if he were +dead, he said, ‘Let me see Mounkhir. Is Nekîr coming?’ +As he lay there stretched at his length, it appeared to him that he +heard from afar the voice of a bell. ‘It is the noise of +the Day of Judgment,’ said the Cogia, and forthwith sprang out +of the tomb. Now it happened that a caravan was coming, and the +Cogia, by putting out his head, frightened the camels, who jostled each +other in great confusion. No sooner did the conductors see the +Cogia than, seizing their cudgels, they said to him, ‘You! +Who are you?’ The Cogia said to them, ‘I am one who +is dead.’ ‘And what are you doing here?’ said +the conductors. <!-- page 267--><span class="pagenum">p. 267</span> +‘I merely came to take a walk,’ said the Cogia. ‘We +will now make you take a pretty walk,’ said the carriers, and +instantly began belabouring him with their cudgels. The Cogia, +with tears streaming from his eyes, ran home. ‘Where have +you been?’ said his wife. ‘I have been dead,’ +said the Cogia, ‘and in the tomb.’ ‘And what +is there in the other world?’ said his wife. ‘Nothing,’ +said the Cogia, ‘provided you don’t frighten carriers’ +camels.’</p> +<p>Once upon a time the Cogia was sent into Curdistan along with the +Ambassador. Whilst he was there the Curdish Beys invited the Cogia +to a feast which they had made in honour of him. The Cogia, putting +on a pelisse, went to the place of festival. During the entertainment +he chanced to belch. ‘You do wrong to belch, Cogia Moolah +Efendi,’ said the Beys. ‘I am amongst Curds,’ +said the Cogia. ‘How should they know a Turkish belching, +even though they hear it?’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia went with Cheragh Ahmed to the den of a wolf, in +order to see the cubs. Said the Cogia to Ahmed: ‘Do you +go in.’ Ahmed did so. The old wolf was abroad, but +presently returning, tried to get into the cave to its young. +When it was about half-way in the Cogia seized hard hold of it by the +tail. The wolf in its struggles cast a quantity of dust into the +eyes <!-- page 268--><span class="pagenum">p. 268</span>of Ahmed. +‘Hallo, Cogia,’ he cried, ‘what does this dust mean?’ +‘If the wolf’s tail breaks,’ said the Cogia, ‘you’ll +soon see what the dust means.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia mounted upon a tree, and, sitting upon a branch, +forthwith began to cut it. A person coming up said, ‘Hallo, +man! what are you about? as soon as you have cut the branch you will +fall.’ The Cogia made no answer, but went on cutting, and +no sooner had he cut through the bough than down fell the Cogia to the +ground. Getting up, he ran after the person, crying out, ‘Ho, +fellow, if you knew that I should fall you also knew that I should kill +myself,’ and forthwith seized him by the collar. The man, +finding no other way to save himself, said, ‘Leave hold of me +and fling yourself down on the road face upwards. At the first +belching that you give half your soul will leave your body; at the second, +all will go and not a particle will remain.’ The Cogia did +so, and at the second belching, laying himself down on the ground, he +cried, ‘I am dead,’ and remained motionless. Forthwith +the Ulemas hastened to him, and bringing with them a coffin, placed +him in it, saying, ‘Let us carry him home.’ On their +way, coming to a miry place, they said, ‘We will rest,’ +and began to talk together. The Cogia, forthwith raising his head +from the coffin, said, ‘If I were alive I would get out of this +place as quick as possible.’ <!-- page 269--><span class="pagenum">p. 269</span></p> +<p>One day the Cogia set about making a stable under the earth. +As he was digging, he got into a stable of one of his neighbours, in +which he found several oxen. The Cogia, very much rejoiced, went +into his house, and said, ‘O wife, I have found a stable of oxen; +a relic of the times of the Caffirs. Now what will you give me +for bringing you this piece of good news?’</p> +<p>Nasr Eddin Efendi had two daughters. One day the two coming +to see their father, the Cogia said to them, ‘Well, daughters, +how do things go on with you?’ Now, the husband of one of +them was a farmer, that of the other was a maker of tiles. One +of them said, ‘My husband has sown a great deal of corn; if there +is plenty of rain my husband will give me a new gown.’ The +other said, ‘My husband is a tile-maker; he has made a great quantity; +if there is not a drop of rain he will give me a new gown.’ +The Cogia said, ‘One of you two may be worth a cucumber, but which +of the two God knows, I don’t.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia being at Siouri Castle he saw a great many people +assembled to look at the moon. ‘What a strange land is this,’ +said the Cogia. ‘In our country they pay no attention to +the moon when it is as big as a cart wheel, but here, when it is quite +new and of scarcely any size, what a number of people assemble to look +at it.’ <!-- page 270--><span class="pagenum">p. 270</span></p> +<p>Once as Nasr Eddin Efendi was walking in Belgrade he cried out, ‘O +Lord! give me a thousand altoons, but if one be wanting I will not take +the rest.’ Now these words of the Cogia were heard by a +neighbour of his, a Jew, who, in order to try the Cogia, put nine hundred +and ninety-nine altoons into a purse and flung it down the Cogia’s +chimney. The Cogia sees a purse full of money before him, up he +gets, and saying, ‘Our prayer has been accepted,’ he opens +the purse, and, counting the altoons, finds that one is wanting. +‘Never mind,’ says he, ‘He who gives these can give +one more,’ and takes possession of the money. The Jew now +began to be in a fidget, and, getting up, knocked at the Cogia’s +door. ‘Good day, Cogia Efendi,’ said he, ‘please +to give me back my altoons.’ Quoth the Cogia to the Jew, +‘You are a merchant, and not a fool; I made a request to God on +high, He gave me what I asked; what business had you to fling altoons +to me?’ The Jew said, ‘O Cogia of my soul, I said +I will have a jest with you. On hearing you say, “If one +is wanting I will not take the rest,” I said to myself, “I +will see whether you will or not”; I did it merely in jest.’ +‘Jest,’ said the Cogia, ‘I know nothing of jest; I +accepted the gold.’ ‘Come, come!’ said the Jew, +‘we will go before the Judge.’ Said the Cogia, ‘I +will not go on foot before the Judge.’ Thereupon the Jew +brought the Cogia a mule. ‘Very good,’ said the Cogia, +‘but I must now have a pelisse for my back.’ The Jew +brought him the pelisse, and they set off to the <!-- page 271--><span class="pagenum">p. 271</span>tribunal +of the Cadi. The Cadi asking what they came for, the Jew said, +‘This man took from me so many altoons and now he denies having +done so.’ The Cadi looked in the Cogia’s face, whereupon +the Cogia said, ‘My Lord, I asked in prayer of the Most High a +thousand altoons, which He gave. On counting them, however, I +found that one was wanting, whereupon I said, “He who gives so +many altoons will doubtless give one more,” and I accepted them; +but, my Lord, this Jew says that the pelisse which you see on my back, +and the mule on which I am mounted, are also his.’ ‘Yes, +assuredly, my Lord,’ said the Jew, ‘for mine they are both.’ +No sooner had he said these words than every one cried out, ‘Upon +you, you Jew rascal,’ and, rushing upon him, they broke his head +and kicked him out of the tribunal, and the Cogia was sent home to his +house in triumph, not only with the altoons but the pelisse and the +mule beside.</p> +<p>One day Cogia Efendi went to a bridal festival. The master +of the feast observing his old and wretched garments, paid him no consideration +whatever. The Cogia saw that he had no chance of notice; so going +out he hurried to his house, and putting on a splendid pelisse, returned +to the place of festival. No sooner did he enter the door than +the master advanced to meet him, and saying, ‘Welcome, Cogia Efendi,’ +with all imaginable honour and reverence placed him at the head of the +table, and said, ‘Please to eat, Lord <!-- page 272--><span class="pagenum">p. 272</span>Cogia.’ +Forthwith the Cogia taking hold of one of the furs of his pelisse, said, +‘Welcome, my pelisse, please to eat, my lord.’ The +master looking at the Cogia with great surprise, said, ‘What are +you about?’ Whereupon the Cogia replied, ‘It is quite +evident that all the honour paid is paid to my pelisse, so let it have +some food too.’</p> +<p>Nasr Eddin Efendi going one day into a city, found the doctors of +the law eating and drinking; no sooner did they see the Cogia than they +showed him great honour, and brought him food. It happened that +that year was a year of famine, and the Cogia whilst eating and drinking, +said to himself, ‘No doubt this city must be one in which provisions +are very cheap,’ and asked a man who was by him whether it were +not so. The man replied, ‘Are you mad? this day is Beiram, +every one according to his means cooks meat in his house and brings +it forth, and on that account the food is plentiful.’ ‘Ah, +my good man,’ said the Cogia, ‘I wish that every day was +Beiram.’</p> +<p>One day Cogia Efendi led a cow to the market for sale; backwards +and forwards he led it, but was unable to sell it; presently a man advancing +to the Cogia, said, ‘Why do you hold this cow in your hand without +selling it?’ Said the Cogia, ‘I have led it about +since the morning, and notwithstanding all the fine things that I <!-- page 273--><span class="pagenum">p. 273</span>have +said about it I have been unable to sell it.’ The individual +taking the cow from the Cogia’s hand, began to walk it about, +exclaiming, ‘Who will buy a young girl six months gone with child?’ +Forthwith buyers followed at his heels, and a very considerable sum +was offered. The Cogia, very much surprised, took the money for +the cow, and went running to his house. The inspectors, however, +coming, took away the Cogia’s daughter, whereupon his wife said, +‘O Cogia, do you stay a little. The inspecting matrons have +been for the girl. I will now go to them, and will give the necessary +character, so that they will take our daughter, being satisfied with +what I say.’ Quoth the Cogia Efendi, ‘No, no, wife, +do not open your mouth. I have now learnt various praises fitted +for her. I will go and tell them. Do you see how they will +be pleased with them.’ So he went to the inspecting matrons, +who, as soon as they saw him, said, ‘O Cogia Efendi, what have +you to do with us matrons? Get you gone, and let the girl’s +mother come.’ Said the Cogia Efendi, ‘It is not the +duty of the girl’s mother to give information with respect to +any talents which the girl may possess. Whatever questions you +may have to ask with respect to the talents we may have observed, do +you ask of me.’ Quoth the matrons, ‘Let us hear you +dilate a little on her talents.’ ‘Ladies,’ said +the Cogia, ‘if the girl is not six months gone with child, she +is my property.’ The ladies on hearing this looked at each +other, and getting up went away. Said the Cogia’s <!-- page 274--><span class="pagenum">p. 274</span>wife, +‘O Cogia, why did you drive the matrons away by using such words +to them?’ ‘Don’t you fear, wife,’ said +the Cogia, ‘if they go through the whole country they will not +find a girl of this description; so let them go and come back. +But to tell you the truth, if I had not praised the cow in this manner, +I should have found no purchaser for her.’</p> +<p>One day Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi, as he was winding the muslin of +his turban, perceived that it was not long enough; he again tried all +he could to bring it to a point, but in vain. The Cogia in great +distress took the muslin, and going to the public mart, put it up to +auction. Whilst it was being bid for, a person came and bought +it. Whereupon the Cogia going softly up to him, said, ‘Brother, +don’t take that thick thing; it is too short for a turban; you +can’t bring it to a point.’</p> +<p>One day an individual coming to the Cogia said, ‘Something +for my good news, Cogia Efendi. You have a son born to you.’ +‘If I have a son born to me,’ said the Cogia, ‘I owe +thanks to God, but what do I owe to you?’</p> +<p>One day a man coming to the Cogia asked him for the loan of his ass. +‘Stay here,’ said the Cogia, ‘whilst I go and consult +the animal. If the ass is willing to be lent, I will let you have +him.’ Thereupon he went in, and after staying <!-- page 275--><span class="pagenum">p. 275</span>for +a time came out and said, ‘The ass is not willing, and has said +to me, “If you lend me to others I shall overhear all the evil +things that they say of your wife.”’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia, mounting his ass, set off for his garden; on the +road, wanting to make water, he took off his woollen vest, and placing +it on the pack-saddle of his ass, he went aside. A thief coming +up took the woollen vest and ran away with it. The Cogia returning +saw that the vest was gone; whereupon taking the pack-saddle from the +back of the ass, he put it upon his own shoulders, and giving the ass +a cut with his whip, he said, ‘You lost my vest, so I take your +saddle.’</p> +<p>One day Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi, mounting his ass, again set out; +on the way, wanting to make water, he again laid his vest upon the ass, +and went aside. A person who had his eye upon him, instantly seized +the vest and ran away; just at that time the ass began to bray. +The Cogia hearing him, shouted out, ‘The ass brays: the ass cries—no +good sign.’ The person, however, hearing the braying and +the shouting, cast the vest upon the ground and made his escape.</p> +<p>One day Cogia Efendi, having lost his ass, inquired of a certain +individual whether he had seen him. ‘I saw him,’ said +the individual, ‘in a certain town, officiating as Cadi.’ +‘You say <!-- page 276--><span class="pagenum">p. 276</span>true,’ +said the Cogia, ‘I knew he would be a Cadi, for I observed when +I taught him the principles of philosophy, that his ears were not sewed +up.’</p> +<p>One day Nasr Eddin Efendi went to the mountain to cut wood; after +he had cut the wood he loaded his ass, and began to drive him home. +The Efendi’s ass, however, would hardly move. A person coming +up, said, ‘Put a little sal ammoniac into the --- of the ass.’ +The Cogia finding a little sal ammoniac, put it in; whereupon the ass +began to run so quickly that the Cogia was left far behind. ‘I +would fain see the cause of this,’ said the Cogia, and clapped +a little of the sal ammoniac to his own ---. No sooner had he +done so than the Cogia’s posterior began to swell, and he set +off running so quickly that he soon got before the ass, and ran straight +home, but not being able to contain himself in the house, he ran about +it, and observing his wife, he said, ‘O wife, whenever you wish +me to get me on, do you stick a little sal ammoniac in my ---.’</p> +<p>One day a man came to the house of the Cogia and asked him to lend +him his ass. ‘He is not at home,’ replied the Cogia. +But it so happened that the ass began to bray within. ‘O +Cogia Efendi,’ said the man, ‘you say that the ass is not +at home, and there he is braying within.’ ‘What a +strange fellow you are!’ said the Cogia. ‘You believe +the ass, but will not believe a grey-bearded man like me.’ <!-- page 277--><span class="pagenum">p. 277</span></p> +<p>One day the Cogia said to his wife, ‘O wife, how do you know +when a man is dead?’ ‘I know it by his hands and feet +being cold,’ said she. One day as the Cogia was going to +the mountain for wood, he felt cold in his hands and feet; whereupon +he said, ‘I am a dead man,’ and laid himself down at the +foot of a tree. Some wolves, however, coming up and beginning +to devour his ass, the Cogia shouted to the wolves from the place where +he was lying, ‘The ass is dead, it seems, and not the master.’</p> +<p>One day as the Cogia was cutting wood in the mountain, a wolf, coming +up to his ass, began to devour it; but on seeing the Cogia, it took +the ass and went away. A man who saw what happened, cried out, +‘There he goes!’ Whereupon the Cogia said, ‘Hallo, +man: why do you cry out? You must not hinder a wolf who has dined +from mounting.’</p> +<p>One day as the Cogia was conducting his ass to the market, the tail +of the animal becoming draggled with mud, the Cogia cut it off and put +it into a sack. Arriving at the market, he put up the ass to auction; +and on a person crying out, ‘What is the use of this tailless +creature?’ he said, ‘Don’t you leave your tail in +the desert when you come to market?’</p> +<p>One day as the Cogia was coming from a distant place, his ass chanced +to be very thirsty, when <!-- page 278--><span class="pagenum">p. 278</span>all +of a sudden they arrived at the margin of a pool. Unfortunately, +however, the sides of the pool were very steep, and the ass of the Cogia, +on seeing the water, not being able to restrain himself, ran forward +to the pool. Just as he was falling in, the frogs of the pool +began to croak violently; their voices frightening the ass, he ran back. +The Cogia, however, seized hold of him, and exclaiming, ‘Bravo, +ye birds of the pool!’ he took out a handful of aspres, and flung +them into the pool, saying, ‘Here’s something for sweetmeats: +take and eat.’</p> +<p>In the time of Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi, three priests, who showed +themselves versed in every kind of learning, travelling through the +world, at last came to the country of the Soldan Ala Eddin. The +Emperor invited them to accept the true faith; whereupon the three said, +‘Each one of us has a question to ask, and if you can give us +an answer, we will adopt your religion.’ All agreed to this +condition; and Soldan Ala Eddin having assembled his ulemas and sheiks, +not one of them was able to make any reply to the questions of the strangers. +The Soldan Ala Eddin was very much incensed and mortified, and exclaimed, +‘So there is not one of the ulemas and sheiks in the countries +beneath my jurisdiction who can answer these fellows.’ Whereupon +one of the ulemas replied, ‘Though none of us can answer these +questions, perhaps Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi can.’ The Emperor, +on hearing these words, gave orders to his Tartar <!-- page 279--><span class="pagenum">p. 279</span>messengers +to go in quest of Nasr Eddin Efendi. The Tartars, with all imaginable +speed, went their way, and having found the Cogia, communicated to him +the commands of the Sultan. Nasr Eddin, that moment saddling his +ass, took his staff in his hand, and mounting the animal, said to the +Tartar, ‘Lead the way and set off straight for the palace of Soldan +Ala Eddin.’ On his arrival, he went into the presence of +the Emperor, to whom he said, ‘Salaam,’ and received the +same salutation from the Sultan, who, pointing out a place to him, bade +him sit down. Said the Cogia to the Emperor, after wishing him +a blessing, ‘For what may it have pleased you to summon me?’ +Whereupon the Soldan Ala Eddin told him the whole circumstance. +The Cogia forthwith turning to the priests said, ‘What are your +questions?’ Then one of the priests, coming forward, said, +‘May it please your Efendiship, my question is this: “Where +may the middle of the earth be?”’ Thereupon the Cogia, +instantly dismounting from his ass, pointed with his staff to the fore +foot of the ass, saying, ‘The middle of the earth is the spot +on which my ass’s foot stands.’ ‘How do you +know that?’ said the priest. ‘If you doubt my words,’ +said the Cogia, ‘take a measure and see whether it comes to more +or less.’ Another of the priests coming forward said, ‘How +many stars are there in the face of the heaven above us?’ +Said the Cogia, ‘As many hairs as there are upon my ass so many +stars are there in the heaven.’ ‘How do you know?’ +said the priest. <!-- page 280--><span class="pagenum">p. 280</span> +‘If you doubt,’ said the Cogia, ‘come and count, and +if there is any difference, say at once.’ ‘Have you +counted, then,’ said the priest, ‘the hairs upon your ass?’ +‘And have you counted how many stars there are?’ said the +Cogia. Then another priest coming forward said, ‘If you +can answer my question the whole of us will adopt your religion.’ +‘Speak,’ said the Cogia, ‘let us hear it.’ +‘Tell me, O Cogia,’ said the priest, ‘how many hairs +there are in this beard of mine.’ ‘Just as many,’ +said the Cogia, ‘as there are hairs in my ass’s tail.’ +‘How do you know?’ said the priest. ‘Soul of +mine,’ said the Cogia, ‘if you don’t believe, come +and count.’ The priest would not consent. ‘If +you will not consent,’ said the Cogia, ‘come, let us pluck +hair for hair from your beard and from the ass’s tail and see +if they don’t tally.’ The priest, seeing that he had +the worst of the argument, turned to the way of truth, and forthwith +said to his companions, ‘I embrace the faith of Islam,’ +and acknowledged the unity of God. The two others also with heart +and soul embraced the true faith, and the whole three became servants +and disciples of the Cogia.</p> +<p>Nasr Eddin Efendi one day placed three plums upon a great table and +set out in order to carry them as a present to the Bey. On the +way the plums chancing to dance on this side and that the Cogia said, +‘I will now eat you until I leave one to dance by itself.’ +So the Cogia ate two of the plums, and carrying one upon the table, +<!-- page 281--><span class="pagenum">p. 281</span>placed it before +the Bey, who being very much delighted with the plum which the Cogia +brought, presented him with a great deal of money. The Cogia went +home, and a few days after, taking a number of beetroots, set out again +in order to carry them to the Bey. As he was going along he met +an individual, who said to the Cogia, ‘To whom are you carrying +those things?’ ‘I am carrying them to the Bey,’ +said the Cogia. ‘If you were to carry him some figs instead,’ +said the individual, ‘he would like it better.’ The +Cogia instantly went and procured a few pounds of figs, which he carried +to the Bey, who ordered his attendants to fling them all at his head. +Some of the figs striking the Cogia’s head, he forthwith began +to cry out, ‘Thank God, thank God!’ ‘How is +this, Cogia?’ said they. ‘Why do you thank God?’ +‘I was bringing a great quantity of beetroots,’ said the +Cogia, ‘but meeting an individual on the road, he advised me to +bring these instead. Now if I had brought beetroots, my head would +have been broken.’</p> +<p>The Cogia going on another day to visit the Bey, the Bey took him +out a-hunting, but mounted him on a good-for-nothing horse. As +they were hunting, it began to rain; every one escaped by means of his +horse, but the good-for-nothing horse would scarcely move. The +Cogia forthwith stripping himself naked, took his garments and sat down +upon them. No sooner was the rain over, than he got up, and having +dressed himself, he went to the Bey. Said the Bey, ‘It <!-- page 282--><span class="pagenum">p. 282</span>is +a wonder you escaped a wetting.’ Said the Cogia, ‘I +was mounted on a horse that was a great goer, he flew away with me so +fast that I escaped the rain.’ The Bey believed every word +that he said. On another day the Bey again went out a-hunting, +but he now rode that same horse himself, whilst the Cogia was mounted +on another; now it so pleased God that it again began to rain, every +one escaped as fast as he could, but the Bey on the good-for-nothing +horse was left behind, and at last reached home, creeping along like +a crane. He was very much incensed at what the Cogia had told +him, and the next day addressed him in this manner: ‘Was it fit +and proper that you should tell me the lie you did, and cause me to +be wet through by the rain which God sent?’ Said the Cogia, +‘Why are you angry with me? Why had you not sense enough +to strip off your clothes as I did, and sit upon them, and when the +rain was over, dress yourself and come here?’</p> +<p>One day the Bey sent this message to the Cogia, ‘Come, I intend +to play the jerreed with you, for I wish to have a little jerreed playing.’ +Now the Cogia had an old ox, which, saddling immediately, he mounted, +and rode to the place where they played at the jerreed. No sooner +did the people see him than they fell to laughing, and the Bey said, +‘O Cogia, why did you mount that ox, for it can’t run?’ +‘Can’t it?’ said the Cogia. ‘I have seen +it when it was a calf running so fast that no horse could overtake it.’ +<!-- page 283--><span class="pagenum">p. 283</span></p> +<p>One day Tamerlank invited the Cogia to dine with him. The Cogia +accepted the invitation, and mounting his ass, taking the groom along +with him, set out, saying, ‘Now, Tamerlank, where may you be?’ +When he came to the Emperor, Timour Shah, pointing to a place, bade +him sit down. The Cogia, seeing that Timour Shah sat with one +foot supported on a cushion, when he sat down, stretched out his own +leg, and placed it upon a corner of the cushion. Timour Shah being +very much offended that the Cogia stretched out his leg as he did, said +to himself, ‘If I do so I have an excuse, and I am also a king’; +and then said to the Cogia, ‘When you mount your ass, what is +the difference between you and him?’ The Cogia replied, +‘My Emperor, only this cushion divides us which is placed upon +his back.’ The Shah, perceiving the taunt, was very much +incensed, and determined to mortify the Cogia. The food being +brought, they began to eat, and presently Timour, without any cause, +sneezed in the Cogia’s face. The Cogia, when he saw Tamerlank +do this, said, ‘My Emperor, is it not ill manners to do so?’ +‘It is not in our country,’ said Tamerlank. Forthwith +the Cogia let a ---; and when Tamerlank said, ‘Is not that ill +manners?’ he replied, ‘It is not reckoned so in our country.’ +The repast being over, the sherbet was brought; and then the Cogia, +getting up, set off on his way home. ‘Why did you break +wind in the presence of Timour?’ said the groom. Answered +the Cogia, ‘When the Imam --- the assembly breaks up.’ <!-- page 284--><span class="pagenum">p. 284</span></p> +<p>One day the Cogia roasted a goose, and set out in order to carry +it to the Emperor. On the way, feeling very hungry, he cut off +one leg and ate it. Coming into the presence of the Emperor, he +placed the goose before him. On seeing it, Tamerlank said to himself, +‘The Cogia is making game of me,’ and was very angry, and +demanded, ‘How happens it that this goose has but one foot?’ +Said the Cogia, ‘In our country all the geese have only one foot. +If you disbelieve me, look at the geese by the side of that fountain.’ +Now at that time there was a flock of geese by the rim of the fountain, +all of whom were standing on one leg. Timour instantly ordered +that all the drummers should at once play up; the drummers began to +strike with their sticks, and forthwith all the geese stood on both +legs. On Timour saying, ‘Don’t you see that they have +two legs?’ the Cogia replied, ‘If you keep up that drumming +you yourself will presently have four.’</p> +<p>Cogia Efendi, now at rest with God, having been made Cadi, two individuals +came before him, one of whom said, ‘This fellow nearly bit my +ear off.’ The other said, ‘Not so: I did not bite +it, but he bit his own ear.’ The Cogia said, ‘Come +again in a little time and I will give you an answer.’ The +men went away, and the Cogia, going into a private place, seized hold +of his ear. ‘I can’t bite it,’ said he. +Then trying to rise from the ground, on which he had seated himself, +he fell back and broke a part of his head. Forthwith wrapping +a piece of cloth round his head, <!-- page 285--><span class="pagenum">p. 285</span>he +went back and sat in his place. The two men coming and asking +for his decision, the Cogia said, ‘No man can bite his own ear; +but, if he tries, may fall down and break his head.’</p> +<p>Once as the Cogia was lying in bed, at midnight a noise was heard +in the street before the door. Said the Cogia to his wife, ‘Get +up and light a candle, and I will go and see.’ ‘You +had better stay within,’ said his wife. But the Cogia, without +heeding his wife, put the counterpane on his shoulders and went out. +A fellow perceiving him, instantly snatched the counterpane from off +his shoulders and ran away. The Cogia, shivering with cold, went +in again; and when his wife asked him the cause of the noise, he said, +‘It was on account of our counterpane: when they got that the +noise ceased at once.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia’s wife said to him, ‘Nurse this child +for a little time, for I have a little business to see after.’ +The Cogia, taking the child, sat with him upon his lap. Presently, +however, the child p--- upon the Cogia; whereupon the Cogia, getting +up, p--- over the child, from head to foot. His wife coming, said, +‘O Cogia, why have you acted in this manner?’ +‘I would have --- over him,’ said the Cogia, ‘if he +had done so over me.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia’s wife, having washed the Cogia’s kaftan, +hung it upon a tree to dry; the <!-- page 286--><span class="pagenum">p. 286</span>Cogia +going out saw, as he supposed, a man standing in the tree with his arms +stretched out. Says the Cogia to his wife, ‘O wife, go and +fetch me my bow and arrow.’ His wife fetched and brought +them to him; the Cogia taking an arrow, shot it and pierced the kaftan +and stretched it on the ground; then returning, he made fast his door +and lay down to sleep. Going out in the morning he saw that what +he had shot was his own kaftan; thereupon, sitting down, he cried aloud, +‘O God, be thanked; if I had been in it I should have certainly +been killed.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia, going to the College, mounted into the car, in +the rear of the Moolahs. Said the Moolahs, ‘O Cogia, why +did you mount backwards?’ ‘If I got in straightways,’ +said the Cogia, ‘you would be at my back. If you went before +me your backs would be in my face, therefore I mounted in this manner.’</p> +<p>One night as the Cogia was lying in his bed he perceived a thief +moving upon the housetop. Now, the Cogia’s wife was lying +at his side, and he said to her, ‘O wife, last night wishing to +enter the house, I repeated this prayer and descended the chimney on +the rays of the moon.’ The thief above heard these words +of the Cogia, and after a little time, repeating the prayer which the +Cogia had repeated, essayed to go down the chimney upon the rays of +the moon, but tumbled down headlong. The Cogia, who was not yet +<!-- page 287--><span class="pagenum">p. 287</span>sleep, rising in +haste, seized the thief by the collar and cried out, ‘O wife, +be quick and light a candle, for I have caught a thief!’ hereupon +the thief exclaimed humorously, ‘O Cogia Efendi, don’t be +in a hurry; the virtue in that prayer being in me was rather too much +for me, and so I tumbled down here.’</p> +<p>Nasr Eddin Efendi had an old ox which had exceedingly great horns, +and so far apart, that it was possible for a person to sit between them. +Every time that the ox drew nigh the Cogia was in the habit of saying +to himself, ‘How I should like to sit between his horns,’ +and calculating as to the possibility of doing so. One day the +ox came and laid himself down before the house. Cries the Cogia, +‘Now is my time!’ and mounting, he took his seat betwixt +the ox’s two horns. Presently, however, the ox, rising upon +his legs, flung the Cogia upon the ground, where he lay for some time +quite senseless. His wife coming and seeing him lying motionless, +began to lament. After some time, the Cogia, recovering a little, +on seeing his wife weeping by his side, exclaimed, ‘O wife, do +not weep, I have suffered a great deal, but I have had my desire.’</p> +<p>One day a thief got into the Cogia’s house. Cries his +wife, ‘O Cogia, there is a thief in the house.’ ‘Don’t +make any disturbance,’ says the Cogia. ‘I wish to +God that he may find something, so that I may take it from him.’ +<!-- page 288--><span class="pagenum">p. 288</span></p> +<p>One day the Cogia’s wife said to him, ‘Go and lie down +yonder, a little way off.’ The Cogia, getting up, forthwith +took his shoes in his hand, and walked during two days; at the end of +which, meeting a man, he said, ‘Go and ask my wife whether I have +gone far enough, or must go yet farther.’</p> +<p>One night as the Cogia was lying with his wife, he said, ‘O +wife, if you love me, get up and light a candle, that I may write down +a verse which has come into my head.’ His wife, getting +up, lighted the candle, and brought him pen and inkstand. The +Cogia wrote, and his wife said, ‘O Efendi of my soul, won’t +you read to me what you have written?’ Whereupon the Cogia +read, ‘Amongst the green leaves methinks I see a black hen go +with a red bill.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia being ill, a number of women came to inquire about +his health. One of the women said, ‘God knows whether you +will die; but if you do, what shall we say when we lament over you?’ +‘Say this,’ said the Cogia, ‘when you lament over +me, “Notwithstanding all he did, he could never understand everything.”’</p> +<p>Cogia Efendi, every time he returned to his house, was in the habit +of bringing a piece of liver, which his wife always gave to a common +woman, placing before the Cogia leavened patties to eat when he came +home in the evening. One <!-- page 289--><span class="pagenum">p. 289</span>day +the Cogia said, ‘O wife, every day I bring home a liver: where +do they all go to?’ ‘The cat runs away with all of +them,’ replied the wife. Thereupon the Cogia getting up, +put his hatchet in the trunk and locked it up. Says his wife to +the Cogia, ‘For fear of whom do you lock up the hatchet?’ +‘For fear of the cat,’ replied the Cogia. ‘What +should the cat do with the hatchet?’ said the wife. ‘Why,’ +replied the Cogia, ‘as he takes a fancy to the liver, which costs +two aspres, is it not likely that he will take a fancy to the hatchet, +which costs four?’</p> +<p>One day the wife of the Cogia wanted to go to the bath. Now +the Cogia had a little money which he kept in a corner hid from his +wife. As she went out of the door she looked back. ‘Stay,’ +said the Cogia, ‘I am just dead, and here’s a little money +I have left behind me.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia and his wife went to the side of a pool, in order +to wash their linen. As they were making a beginning with their +linen by beating it upon the plain and using soap to it, a raven coming +seized the soap and flew away with it. ‘O Cogia,’ +shrieked the wife, ‘the raven has taken away the soap.’ +‘Say nothing, wife,’ said the Cogia, ‘it was dirty +enough after our using it; let him take it and wash it.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia and his wife made an agreement to copulate every +Friday night. The wife <!-- page 290--><span class="pagenum">p. 290</span>was +perfectly satisfied with the arrangement; ‘But,’ said the +Cogia, ‘let us agree upon a sign by which I may know that the +time for doing my duty is come.’ The wife said, ‘When +Friday night is come I will hang your turban above the alcove; you will +know by that that it is Friday night.’ ‘Good, good!’ +said the Cogia. One night, however, which was not Friday night, +the Cogia’s wife being desirous for copulation, as soon as she +arose to go to bed, placed the Cogia’s turban above the alcove. +Said the Cogia, ‘O wife, this is not Friday night!’ +‘It is Friday night,’ said the wife. Whereupon the +Cogia said, ‘O wife, in this house either let Friday night keep +the reckoning, or let me.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia’s wife went with the wife of a neighbour +to wash at a pool. It happened that the Governor of the country, +who was taking a walk, came up and looked at them. Said the wife +of the Cogia, ‘Pray, man, what are you looking at?’ +‘Who is that woman?’ said the Governor to some one who was +standing by. ‘She is the wife of Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi,’ +replied the individual. On the following day the Governor, sending +for the Cogia, said to him, ‘Is such and such a woman your wife?’ +‘Yes,’ said the Cogia, ‘she is my wife.’ +Said the Governor, ‘Go and bring her to me.’ ‘What +do you want with her?’ said the Cogia. ‘I have a question +to ask her,’ said the Governor. ‘Do you only tell +me the question,’ said the Cogia, ‘and I will go and put +it to her.’ <!-- page 291--><span class="pagenum">p. 291</span></p> +<p>One day some people said to the Cogia’s son, ‘What is +padligean?’ ‘It is a little deaf thing which walks +without opening its eyes,’ said the child. ‘It did +not know that of itself: I taught it,’ said the Cogia.</p> +<p>One day a chariot departed for the Castle of Siouri. The Cogia +also set off for that place, running quite naked. The drivers, +on arriving at the town, having given information of the Cogia’s +coming, all the people came out to meet him, who, on seeing him quite +naked, said, ‘O Cogia Efendi, why do you come in this manner?’ +‘From the love I bore you,’ said the Cogia. ‘I +was in such a hurry in dressing, that I forgot my clothes.’</p> +<p>The Cogia had a scalt head. Once he went to the barber, had +his head shaved, paid an aspre, and went away. The following week +he went again, was shaved, and had a looking-glass placed before him. +‘As the half of my head is scalt,’ said the Cogia, ‘is +not an aspre for shaving it too much by half?’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia went with some men a-fishing. They cast the +net into the sea, and the Cogia cast himself into the net. ‘O +Cogia,’ said they, ‘what are you about?’ ‘I +imagined myself a fish,’ said the Cogia.</p> +<p>One day the boys of the town said to one another, ‘Come, let +us get the Cogia to climb a tree, and <!-- page 292--><span class="pagenum">p. 292</span>we +will steal away his sandals.’ The boys coming to the foot +of a tree stopped, and said, ‘No one can climb this tree.’ +The Cogia coming up, said, ‘I can climb it.’ ‘No, +you can’t,’ said they. Forthwith the Cogia tied the +skirts of his robe about his loins and put his sandals in his bosom. +‘O Cogia Efendi,’ said the boys, ‘what will you do +with your slippers in the tree?’ Said the Cogia, ‘If +I find a road when I am above there, I shall have my slippers ready +to put on.’</p> +<p>One day a man coming from the country brought the Cogia a hare. +The Cogia, with much politeness and civility, gave him some broth to +eat. At the end of a week he came again; but the Cogia appearing +to have forgot him, said, ‘Who may you be?’ ‘I +am the person who brought the hare,’ said the man; whereupon the +Cogia again entertained him. After some days a number of men made +their appearance and wanted to be entertained. ‘Who may +you be?’ said the Cogia. ‘We are the neighbours of +the man who brought you the hare,’ said they. A few days +after a whole troop of men arriving, the Cogia asked them who they were? +‘We are the neighbours of the neighbours of the man who brought +the hare,’ said they. ‘You are quite welcome,’ +said the Cogia, and placed before them a large jar of pure water; on +seeing which they said, ‘What is this?’ ‘The +water of the water of the hare is what it is,’ said the Cogia. +<!-- page 293--><span class="pagenum">p. 293</span></p> +<p>One day the Cogia, whilst labouring in the field, found a tortoise, +and, seizing hold of it, tied a string round its neck and hung it to +his spade. The tortoise beginning to cry and squeal, ‘It +is of no use crying,’ said the Cogia, ‘you must now learn +to work.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia, being on the point of death, called his neighbours +about him. The neighbours coming, began to eat and make merry, +without saying to the Cogia, ‘Come and partake.’ The +Cogia incensed, got up and went out. After a little time they +sought for the Cogia, and could not find him; so dispersing themselves +about, they went after him, and at last found him. ‘Ho, +Cogia,’ said they, ‘come, where have you got to?’ +Said the Cogia, ‘He who this day supplies the bridal meats has, +surely, a right to go into the bridal chamber.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia, being out on a journey, encamped along with a +caravan, and tied up his horse along with the others. When it +was morning the Cogia could not find his horse amongst the rest, not +knowing how to distinguish it; forthwith taking a bow and arrow in his +hand, he said, ‘Men, men, I have lost my horse.’ Every +one laughing, took his own horse; and the Cogia looking, saw a horse +which he instantly knew to be his own. Forthwith placing his right +foot in the stirrup, he mounted the horse, so that his face looked to +the horse’s tail. ‘O Cogia,’ <!-- page 294--><span class="pagenum">p. 294</span>said +they, ‘why do you mount the horse the wrong way?’ +‘It is not my fault,’ said he, ‘but the horse’s, +for the horse is left-handed.’</p> +<p>The Cogia had a disciple, who was an Abyssinian, black, of the name +of Hamet. One day Hamet having inadvertently broken a bottle of +ink over the Cogia, ‘What is this, Cogia?’ said the others. +‘Don’t you think a few good kicks would be a useful lesson +to our Hamet?’ ‘Let him be. He got into a sweat +by running,’ said the Cogia, ‘and melted over me.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia having mounted up into the pulpit, said, ‘O +Mussulmen, I have a piece of advice to give you. If you have sons, +take care that you do not give them the name of Eiïoub (Job).’ +‘Why, O Cogia?’ cried the people. ‘Lest the +quality should accompany the name,’ he replied, ‘and they +should all become ips (ropes).’</p> +<p>One day as the Cogia was performing ablution, he found he had not +sufficient water. When the hour of prayer came on, he stood like +a goose on one foot. ‘O Cogia Efendi,’ said the people, +‘why do you do so?’ ‘Because,’ said the +Cogia, ‘this foot has not performed ablution.’</p> +<p>One day a man arriving, became the guest of the Cogia. It happened +at night, some time after they had lain down, that the light went out. +<!-- page 295--><span class="pagenum">p. 295</span> ‘O Cogia Efendi,’ +said the guest, ‘the taper is gone out. But there is a taper +on your right side; pray bring it, and let us light it.’ +‘Surely you must be a fool,’ said the Cogia. ‘How +should I know my right side in the dark?’</p> +<p>One day they said to the Cogia, ‘Pray what may be your horoscope?’ +Said the Cogia, ‘I was born under the sign of the He-goat.’ +‘O Cogia,’ said they, ‘there is no such sign as the +He-goat.’ Said the Cogia, ‘When I was a child my mother +had my horoscope taken, and at that time the Kid was in the ascension.’ +‘O Cogia,’ said they, ‘that’s all right; but +a kid is one thing and a he-goat is another.’ Said the Cogia, +‘O you simpletons! Forty or fifty years have passed since +then. Must not the kid have become an old goat?’</p> +<p>One day whilst the Cogia was holding an oration at the Castle of +Siouri, he was contradicted by the Soubashi or Superintendent. +Shortly after, it happened that the Soubashi died and was buried; whereupon +they said, ‘Come, Efendi, preach a sermon over him.’ +‘You must find some one else,’ said the Cogia. ‘He +won’t mind my words, for he always contradicts me.’</p> +<p>One day two men were sitting together in a shop before their houses, +engaged in discourse. Their houses abutted upon each other, and +it so happened that a dog came and deposited his dirt on the ground +in the middle of the street before <!-- page 296--><span class="pagenum">p. 296</span>their +houses. Said one, ‘It is nigh your house.’ ‘Nay, +my good friend,’ said the other, ‘it is nearest to your +house, so you must go and take it up.’ So they got into +a dispute; and not being able to settle it, they went before the Tribunal. +Now it happened that the Cogia had come that day to pay a visit to the +Cadi, and sat beside him. Said the Cadi to the Cogia, ‘Do +you decide upon their dispute.’ Thereupon the Cogia said +to them, ‘Is not that street a public way?’ ‘It +is,’ said they. ‘Then,’ said he, ‘one +half of the perfumery belongs to you two and the other half to the Cadi.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia put a yoke upon a calf which he had; the calf ran +here and there. Forthwith the Cogia, seizing a stick, fell to +banging his ox. ‘O Cogia,’ said the people, ‘why +do you beat the ox; how can he be in fault?’ ‘All +the fault is his,’ said the Cogia, ‘if he had taught him +the calf would have known how to turn.’</p> +<p>One day as the Cogia was travelling in the Derbend he met a shepherd. +Said the shepherd to the Cogia, ‘Art thou a faquir?’ +‘Yes,’ said the Cogia. Said the shepherd, ‘See +these seven men who are lying here, they were men like you whom I killed +because they could not answer questions which I asked. Now, in +the first place let us come to an understanding; if you can answer my +questions let us hold discourse, if not, let us say nothing.’ +Says the Cogia, ‘What <!-- page 297--><span class="pagenum">p. 297</span>may +your questions be?’ Said the shepherd, ‘The moon, +when it is new, is small, afterwards it increases, until it looks like +a wheel; after the fifteenth, it diminishes, and does not remain; then +again, there is a little one, of the size of Hilal, which does remain. +Now what becomes of the old moons?’ Says the Cogia, ‘How +is it that you don’t know a thing like that? They take those +old moons and make lightning of them; have you not seen them when the +heaven thunders, glittering like so many swords?’ ‘Bravo, +Faquir,’ said the shepherd. ‘Well art thou acquainted +with the matter, I had come to the same conclusion myself.’</p> +<p>Nasr Eddin Efendi, now with God, had a sum of money. One day, +when all was quiet in the house, he dug in the earth and buried it; +then going to the door he looked out and said, ‘I’ll suppose +myself a thief, and that I find this, and forthwith take it away and +bury it in another place, and my heart is no more troubled about it.’ +Thus saying, he came and took up his treasure. Now before the +house there was a height, and the Cogia going to the garden of the house, +cut a pole, and putting the money in a sack, tied the sack to the top +of the pole, and bringing the pole, stuck it up on the top of the height; +then going down he looked upwards and said, ‘Unless a man is a +bird he cannot fly up to that, I have surely chosen a good place,’ +and having said this, he went away. Now it happened that a thief +saw all that Cogia <!-- page 298--><span class="pagenum">p. 298</span>did, +and no sooner was the Cogia gone, than he climbed up the height and +took down the money, and putting upon the top of the pole a quantity +of bullock’s dung, he stuck up the pole again and went his way. +Some time afterwards the Cogia being in need of money, came to the foot +of the pole and saw that all the money was gone, and that a quantity +of bullock’s dung was on the pole. Said he, ‘I said +that no man could mount this pole and take away the money, but how bullock’s +dung should get to the top of the pole is a very strange matter indeed. +So,’ said the Cogia, ‘may the Lord have mercy upon him.’</p> +<p>One day as the Cogia was going to his house, he met a number of students, +and said to them, ‘Gentlemen, pray this night come to our house +and taste a sup of the old father’s broth.’ ‘Very +good,’ said the students, and following the Cogia, came to the +house. ‘Pray enter,’ said he, and brought them into +the house; then going up to where his wife was, ‘O wife,’ +said he, ‘I have brought some travellers that we may give them +a cup of broth.’ ‘O master,’ said his wife, +‘is there oil in the house or rice, or have you brought any that +you wish to have broth?’ ‘Bless me,’ said the +Cogia, ‘give me the broth pan,’ and snatching it up, he +forthwith ran to where the students were, and exclaimed, ‘Pray, +pardon me, gentlemen, but had there been oil or rice in our house, this +is the pan in which I would have served the broth up to you.’ +<!-- page 299--><span class="pagenum">p. 299</span></p> +<p>One day the Cogia going into the kitchen of his house, laid himself +down; presently the Cogia’s daughter entering into the kitchen +to fetch something, saw her father lying hidden behind a cask. +‘O my lord and father, what do you do here?’ said she. +‘What could I better do to get out of your mother’s way +than come into this foreign country,’ said the Cogia.</p> +<p>One day when the Cogia was in his chamber, a man knocked at the door +of the house. ‘What do you want?’ said the Cogia from +above. ‘Come down,’ said the man, who was a beggar. +The Cogia forthwith came down and said, ‘What do you want?’ +‘I want your charity,’ said the man. ‘Come upstairs,’ +said the Cogia. When the beggar had come up, the Cogia said, ‘God +help you.’ ‘O master,’ said the other, ‘why +did you not say so below?’ Said the Cogia, ‘When I +was above stairs, why did you bring me down.’</p> +<p>Once upon a time the wife of the Cogia was in labour; one day, two +days, she sat upon the chair but could not bring forth; the women who +attended her cried from the interior apartment to the Cogia: ‘O +master, do you know no prayer by means of which the child may be brought +into the world?’ ‘I know a specific,’ said the +Cogia, and forthwith running to a grocer’s shop he procured some +walnuts, and bringing them he said, ‘Make way,’ and going +into the room he spread the walnuts under the <!-- page 300--><span class="pagenum">p. 300</span>chair, +and said: ‘Now that the child sees the walnuts he will come out +to play with them.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia’s wife, in order to plague the Cogia, boiled +some broth exceedingly hot, brought it into the room and placed it on +the table. The wife then, forgetting that it was hot, took a spoon +and put some into her mouth, and, scalding herself, began to shed tears. +‘O wife,’ said the Cogia, ‘what is the matter with +you; is the broth hot?’ ‘Dear Efendi,’ said +the wife, ‘my mother, who is now dead, loved broth very much; +I thought of that, and wept on her account.’ The Cogia thinking +that what she said was truth, took a spoonful of the broth, and burning +his mouth began to cry and bellow. ‘What is the matter with +you?’ said his wife; ‘why do you cry?’ Said +the Cogia, ‘You cry because your mother is gone, but I cry because +her daughter is here.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia’s wife went to the hall of preaching; and, +after listening to the sermon, came home. Said the Cogia, ‘O +wife, what did the preacher say?’ ‘He said,’ +replied the wife, ‘that if any one has a night’s copulation +with his lawful wife the Almighty God will build for him a mansion in +paradise.’ After they had gone to bed the Cogia said, ‘Come, +let us build a house in paradise.’ Thereupon they copulated. +Shortly afterwards the wife said, ‘O Cogia, you have built a house +for yourself, pray now build a house <!-- page 301--><span class="pagenum">p. 301</span>for +me!’ Said the Cogia, ‘I could easily build a house +for you, but I fear that I should have to build houses for your father +and mother, and not only for them, but for all your family and relations, +so that the Master Builder above would become angry. Come, one +house must suffice for us two.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia met a company of young students and said unto them, +‘Pray come along with me to our house.’ So he led +them to the door of the house and then said, ‘Pray stay here a +little, whilst I go in.’ Then going in he said, ‘O +wife, pray go and send those people away.’ Whereupon the +wife went and said, ‘The Cogia is not come home.’ +Said the students, ‘What do you mean by talking so? The +Cogia came hither in our company.’ ‘He did not come,’ +said the wife. ‘But he did,’ said the students, and +made a great outcry. The Cogia hearing a noise from above, thrust +his head out of the window, exclaiming, ‘Holloa, my men: what +is all this dispute for? You must know that this house has two +doors. No sooner did I come in by one than I left the house by +the other.’</p> +<p>One day the son of the Cogia said, ‘O Father, I know that I +was begotten by you.’ His mother becoming very angry, said, +‘What nonsense is the brat talking that he calls himself the son +of a whore?’ Said the Cogia, ‘O wife, don’t +be <!-- page 302--><span class="pagenum">p. 302</span>angry, he is a +wise son if he knows what he says he does.’</p> +<p>Once on a time there was a drunken Governor of Siouri Castle. +It happened one day that he lay in a state of drunkenness in the garden; +and the Cogia taking a walk in the garden with Amad, came up and found +him lying drunk and insensible. The Cogia instantly stripped him +of his feradje or upper coat, and putting it on his own back, walked +away. On the other hand, the Governor, on getting up, saw that +he had lost his feradje, and going to his officers gave them the following +command, ‘Whomsoever you find with my feradje upon him, lay hold +on and bring him before me.’ The officials seeing the feradje +on the back of the Cogia, made him their prisoner, and brought him before +the Governor, who said to him, ‘Ho, Cogia, where did you find +that feradje?’ ‘As I was taking a walk with Amad,’ +said the Cogia, ‘we saw a fellow lying drunk; whereupon Amad twice +uncovered his breech, and I, taking off his feradje, went away with +it. If it is yours, pray take it.’ ‘Oh no, it +does not belong to me,’ said the Governor.</p> +<p>One day the Cogia having lain down to sleep on the bank of a river +imagined himself dead. An individual coming up said, ‘I +wonder where one could cross this water.’ Said the Cogia, +‘When I was alive I crossed over here, but now I can’t tell +you where you should cross.’ <!-- page 303--><span class="pagenum">p. 303</span></p> +<p>One day a Persian barber was shaving the Cogia’s head. +At every stroke of his razor he cut his head, and to every place which +he cut he applied a piece of cotton. Said the Cogia to the barber, +‘My good fellow, you had better sow half of my head with cotton +and let me sow the other half with flax.’</p> +<p>One time the Cogia went to the well to draw water, but seeing the +face of the moon reflected in the well, he exclaimed, ‘The moon +has fallen into the well, I must pull it out.’ Then going +home, he took a rope and hook, and returning, cast it into the well, +where the hook became fastened against a stone. The Cogia, exerting +all his might, pulled at the rope, once, twice, but at the second pulling +the rope snapped, and he fell upon his back, and looking up into the +heaven, saw the moon, whereupon he exclaimed, ‘O praise and glory, +I have suffered much pain, but the moon has got to its place again.’</p> +<p>One day the Cogia going into a person’s garden climbed up into +an apricot-tree and began to eat the apricots. The master coming +said, ‘Cogia, what are you doing here?’ ‘Dear +me,’ said the Cogia, ‘don’t you see that I am a nightingale +sitting in the apricot-tree?’ Said the gardener, ‘Let +me hear you sing.’ The Cogia began to warble. Whereupon +the other fell to laughing, and said, ‘Do you call that singing?’ +‘I am a Persian nightingale,’ said <!-- page 304--><span class="pagenum">p. 304</span>the +Cogia, ‘and Persian nightingales sing in this manner.’</p> +<p>The Cogia, now with God, was master of all learning, and perfect +in every art. If some people should now say, ‘We were in +hope of receiving instruction from his sayings, but have read nothing +but the ravings of madness’; and if they should require some other +book of his utterances, we must tell them that he uttered nothing beyond +what is noted here. Some people say that, whilst uttering what +seemed madness, he was, in reality, divinely inspired, and that it was +not madness but wisdom that he uttered. The mercy of God be upon +him, mercy without bounds.</p> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TURKISH JESTER***</p> +<pre> + + +***** This file should be named 16244-h.htm or 16244-h.zip****** + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/6/2/4/16244 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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