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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/16096-8.txt b/16096-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bc7c173 --- /dev/null +++ b/16096-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8543 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, A Man's Woman, by Frank Norris + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: A Man's Woman + + +Author: Frank Norris + + + +Release Date: June 20, 2005 [eBook #16096] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MAN'S WOMAN*** + + +E-text prepared by Suzanne Shell, Mary Meehan, Project Gutenberg Beginners +Projects, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team +(https://www.pgdp.net) + + + +A MAN'S WOMAN + +by + +FRANK NORRIS + +1904 + + + + + + + +The following novel was completed March 22, 1899, and sent to the +printer in October of the same year. After the plates had been made +notice was received that a play called "A Man's Woman" had been written +by Anne Crawford Flexner, and that this title had been copyrighted. + +As it was impossible to change the name of the novel at the time this +notice was received, it has been published under its original title. + +F.N. + +New York. + + + + +A MAN'S WOMAN + + + + +I. + + +At four o'clock in the morning everybody in the tent was still asleep, +exhausted by the terrible march of the previous day. The hummocky ice +and pressure-ridges that Bennett had foreseen had at last been met with, +and, though camp had been broken at six o'clock and though men and dogs +had hauled and tugged and wrestled with the heavy sledges until five +o'clock in the afternoon, only a mile and a half had been covered. But +though the progress was slow, it was yet progress. It was not the +harrowing, heart-breaking immobility of those long months aboard the +Freja. Every yard to the southward, though won at the expense of a +battle with the ice, brought them nearer to Wrangel Island and ultimate +safety. + +Then, too, at supper-time the unexpected had happened. Bennett, moved no +doubt by their weakened condition, had dealt out extra rations to each +man: one and two-thirds ounces of butter and six and two-thirds ounces +of aleuronate bread--a veritable luxury after the unvarying diet of +pemmican, lime juice, and dried potatoes of the past fortnight. The men +had got into their sleeping-bags early, and until four o'clock in the +morning had slept profoundly, inert, stupefied, almost without movement. +But a few minutes after four o'clock Bennett awoke. He was usually up +about half an hour before the others. On the day before he had been able +to get a meridian altitude of the sun, and was anxious to complete his +calculations as to the expedition's position on the chart that he had +begun in the evening. + +He pushed back the flap of the sleeping-bag and rose to his full height, +passing his hands over his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was +an enormous man, standing six feet two inches in his reindeer footnips +and having the look more of a prize-fighter than of a scientist. Even +making allowances for its coating of dirt and its harsh, black stubble +of half a week's growth, the face was not pleasant. Bennett was an ugly +man. His lower jaw was huge almost to deformity, like that of the +bulldog, the chin salient, the mouth close-gripped, with great lips, +indomitable, brutal. The forehead was contracted and small, the forehead +of men of single ideas, and the eyes, too, were small and twinkling, one +of them marred by a sharply defined cast. + +But as Bennett was fumbling in the tin box that was lashed upon the +number four sledge, looking for his notebook wherein he had begun his +calculations for latitude, he was surprised to find a copy of the record +he had left in the instrument box under the cairn at Cape Kammeni at the +beginning of this southerly march. He had supposed that this copy had +been mislaid, and was not a little relieved to come across it now. He +read it through hastily, his mind reviewing again the incidents of the +last few months. Certain extracts of this record ran as follows: + +"Arctic steamer Freja, on ice off Cape Kammeni, New Siberian +Islands, 76 deg. 10 min. north latitude, 150 deg. 40 min. east +longitude, July 12, 1891.... We accordingly froze the ship in on +the last day of September, 1890, and during the following winter +drifted with the pack in a northwesterly direction.... On Friday, +July 10, 1891, being in latitude 76 deg. 10 min. north; longitude +150 deg. 10 min. east, the Freja was caught in a severe nip between +two floes and was crushed, sinking in about two hours. We abandoned +her, saving 200 days' provisions and all necessary clothing, +instruments, etc.... + +"I shall now attempt a southerly march over the ice to Kolyuchin Bay +by way of Wrangel Island, where provisions have been cached, hoping +to fall in with the relief ships or steam whalers on the way. Our +party consists of the following twelve persons: ... All well with +the exception of Mr. Ferriss, the chief engineer, whose left hand +has been badly frostbitten. No scurvy in the party as yet. We have +eighteen Ostiak dogs with us in prime condition, and expect to drag +our ship's boat upon sledges. + +"WARD BENNETT, Commanding Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition." + +Bennett returned this copy of the record to its place in the box, and +stood for a moment in the centre of the tent, his head bent to avoid the +ridge-pole, looking thoughtfully upon the ground. + +Well, so far all had gone right--no scurvy, provisions in plenty. The +dogs were in good condition, his men cheerful, trusting in him as in a +god, and surely no leader could wish for a better lieutenant and comrade +than Richard Ferriss--but this hummocky ice--these pressure-ridges which +the expedition had met the day before. Instead of turning at once to his +ciphering Bennett drew the hood of the wolfskin coat over his head, +buttoned a red flannel mask across his face, and, raising the flap of +the tent, stepped outside. + +Under the lee of the tent the dogs were sleeping, moveless bundles of +fur, black and white, perceptibly steaming. The three great McClintock +sledges, weighted down with the Freja's boats and with the expedition's +impedimenta, lay where they had been halted the evening before. + +In the sky directly in front of Bennett as he issued from the tent three +moons, hooped in a vast circle of nebulous light, shone roseate through +a fine mist, while in the western heavens streamers of green, orange, +and vermilion light, immeasurably vast, were shooting noiselessly from +horizon to zenith. + +But Bennett had more on his mind that morning than mock-moons and +auroras. To the south and east, about a quarter of a mile from the tent, +the pressure of the floes had thrown up an enormous ridge of shattered +ice-cakes, a mound, a long hill of blue-green slabs and blocks huddling +together at every conceivable angle. It was nearly twenty feet in +height, quite the highest point that Bennett could discover. Scrambling +and climbing over countless other ridges that intervened, he made his +way to it, ascended it almost on hands and knees, and, standing upon its +highest point, looked long and carefully to the southward. + +A wilderness beyond all thought, words, or imagination desolate +stretched out before him there forever and forever--ice, ice, ice, +fields and floes of ice, laying themselves out under that gloomy sky, +league after league, endless, sombre, infinitely vast, infinitely +formidable. But now it was no longer the smooth ice over which the +expedition had for so long been travelling. In every direction, +intersecting one another at ten thousand points, crossing and +recrossing, weaving a gigantic, bewildering network of gashed, jagged, +splintered ice-blocks, ran the pressure-ridges and hummocks. In places a +score or more of these ridges had been wedged together to form one huge +field of broken slabs of ice miles in width, miles in length. From +horizon to horizon there was no level place, no open water, no pathway. +The view to the southward resembled a tempest-tossed ocean suddenly +frozen. + +One of these ridges Bennett had just climbed, and upon it he now stood. +Even for him, unencumbered, carrying no weight, the climb had been +difficult; more than once he had slipped and fallen. At times he had +been obliged to go forward almost on his hands and knees. And yet it was +across that jungle of ice, that unspeakable tangle of blue-green slabs +and cakes and blocks, that the expedition must now advance, dragging its +boats, its sledges, its provisions, instruments, and baggage. + +Bennett stood looking. Before him lay his task. There under his eyes was +the Enemy. Face to face with him was the titanic primal strength of a +chaotic world, the stupendous still force of a merciless nature, waiting +calmly, waiting silently to close upon and crush him. For a long time he +stood watching. Then the great brutal jaw grew more salient than ever, +the teeth set and clenched behind the close-gripped lips, the cast in +the small twinkling eyes grew suddenly more pronounced. One huge fist +raised, and the arm slowly extended forward like the resistless moving +of a piston. Then when his arm was at its full reach Bennett spoke as +though in answer to the voiceless, terrible challenge of the Ice. +Through his clenched teeth his words came slow and measured. + +"But I'll break you, by God! believe me, I will." + +After a while he returned to the tent, awoke the cook, and while +breakfast was being prepared completed his calculations for latitude, +wrote up his ice-journal, and noted down the temperature and the +direction and velocity of the wind. As he was finishing, Richard +Ferriss, who was the chief engineer and second in command, awoke and +immediately asked the latitude. + +"Seventy-four-fifteen," answered Bennett without looking up. + +"Seventy-four-fifteen," repeated Ferriss, nodding his head; "we didn't +make much distance yesterday." + +"I hope we can make as much to-day," returned Bennett grimly as he put +away his observation-journal and note-books. + +"How's the ice to the south'ard?" + +"Bad; wake the men." + +After breakfast and while the McClintocks were being loaded Bennett sent +Ferriss on ahead to choose a road through and over the ridges. It was +dreadful work. For two hours Ferriss wandered about amid the broken ice +all but hopelessly bewildered. But at length, to his great satisfaction, +he beheld a fairly open stretch about a quarter of a mile in length +lying out to the southwest and not too far out of the expedition's line +of march. Some dozen ridges would have to be crossed before this level +was reached; but there was no help for it, so Ferriss planted his flags +where the heaps of ice-blocks seemed least impracticable and returned +toward the camp. It had already been broken, and on his way he met the +entire expedition involved in the intricacies of the first rough ice. + +All of the eighteen dogs had been harnessed to the number two sledge, +that carried the whaleboat and the major part of the provisions, and +every man of the party, Bennett included, was straining at the +haul-ropes with the dogs. Foot by foot the sledge came over the ridge, +grinding and lurching among the ice-blocks; then, partly by guiding, +partly by lifting, it was piloted down the slope, only in the end to +escape from all control and come crashing downward among the dogs, +jolting one of the medicine chests from its lashings and butting its +nose heavily against the foot of the next hummock immediately beyond. +But the men scrambled to their places again, the medicine chest was +replaced, and Muck Tu, the Esquimau dog-master, whipped forward his +dogs. Ferriss, too, laid hold. The next hummock was surmounted, the dogs +panting, and the men, even in that icy air, reeking with perspiration. +Then suddenly and without the least warning Bennett and McPherson, who +were in the lead, broke through some young ice into water up to their +breasts, Muck Tu and one of the dogs breaking through immediately +afterward. The men were pulled out, or, of their own efforts, climbed +upon the ice again. But in an instant their clothes were frozen to +rattling armor. + +"Bear off to the east'ard, here!" commanded Bennett, shaking the icy, +stinging water from his sleeves. "Everybody on the ropes now!" + +Another pressure-ridge was surmounted, then a third, and by an hour +after the start they had arrived at the first one of Ferriss's flags. +Here the number two sledge was left, and the entire expedition, dogs and +men, returned to camp to bring up the number one McClintock loaded with +the Freja's cutter and with the sleeping-bags, instruments, and tent. +This sledge was successfully dragged over the first two hummocks, but as +it was being hauled up the third its left-hand runner suddenly buckled +and turned under it with a loud snap. There was nothing for it now but +to remove the entire load and to set Hawes, the carpenter, to work upon +its repair. + +"Up your other sledge!" ordered Bennett. + +Once more the expedition returned to the morning's camping-place, and, +harnessing itself to the third McClintock, struggled forward with it for +an hour and a half until it was up with the first sledge and Ferriss's +flag. Fortunately the two dog-sleds, four and five, were light, and +Bennett, dividing his forces, brought them up in a single haul. But +Hawes called out that the broken sledge was now repaired. The men turned +to at once, reloaded it, and hauled it onward, so that by noon every +sledge had been moved forward quite a quarter of a mile. + +But now, for the moment, the men, after going over the same ground seven +times, were used up, and Muck Tu could no longer whip the dogs to their +work. Bennett called a halt. Hot tea was made, and pemmican and hardtack +served out. + +"We'll have easier hauling this afternoon, men," said Bennett; "this +next ridge is the worst of the lot; beyond that Mr. Ferriss says we've +got nearly a quarter of a mile of level floes." + +On again at one o'clock; but the hummock of which Bennett had spoken +proved absolutely impassable for the loaded sledges. It was all one that +the men lay to the ropes like draught-horses, and that Muck Tu flogged +the dogs till the goad broke in his hands. The men lost their footing +upon the slippery ice and fell to their knees; the dogs laid down in the +traces groaning and whining. The sledge would not move. + +"Unload!" commanded Bennett. + +The lashings were taken off, and the loads, including the great, +cumbersome whaleboat itself, carried over the hummock by hand. Then the +sledge itself was hauled over and reloaded upon the other side. Thus the +whole five sledges. + +The work was bitter hard; the knots of the lashings were frozen tight +and coated with ice; the cases of provisions, the medicine chests, the +canvas bundle of sails, boat-covers, and tents unwieldy and of enormous +weight; the footing on the slippery, uneven ice precarious, and more +than once a man, staggering under his load, broke through the crust into +water so cold that the sensation was like that of burning. + +But at last everything was over, the sledges reloaded, and the forward +movement resumed. Only one low hummock now intervened between them and +the longed-for level floe. + +However, as they were about to start forward again a lamentable gigantic +sound began vibrating in their ears, a rumbling, groaning note rising by +quick degrees to a strident shriek. Other sounds, hollow and +shrill--treble mingling with diapason--joined in the first. The noise +came from just beyond the pressure-mound at the foot of which the party +had halted. + +"Forward!" shouted Bennett; "hurry there, men!" + +Desperately eager, the men bent panting to their work. The sledge +bearing the whaleboat topped the hummock. + +"Now, then, over with her!" cried Ferriss. + +But it was too late. As they stood looking down upon it for an instant, +the level floe, their one sustaining hope during all the day, suddenly +cracked from side to side with the noise of ordnance. Then the groaning +and shrieking recommenced. The crack immediately closed up, the pressure +on the sides of the floe began again, and on the smooth surface of the +ice, domes and mounds abruptly reared themselves. As the pressure +increased these domes and mounds cracked and burst into countless blocks +and slabs. Ridge after ridge was formed in the twinkling of an eye. +Thundering like a cannonade of siege guns, the whole floe burst up, +jagged, splintered, hummocky. In less than three minutes, and while the +Freja's men stood watching, the level stretch toward which since morning +they had struggled with incalculable toil was ground up into a vast mass +of confused and pathless rubble. + +"Oh, this will never do," muttered Ferriss, disheartened. + +"Come on, men!" exclaimed Bennett. "Mr. Ferriss, go forward, and choose +a road for us." + +The labour of the morning was recommenced. With infinite patience, +infinite hardship, the sledges one by one were advanced. So heavy were +the three larger McClintocks that only one could be handled at a time, +and that one taxed the combined efforts of men and dogs to the +uttermost. The same ground had to be covered seven times. For every yard +gained seven had to be travelled. It was not a march, it was a battle; a +battle without rest and without end and without mercy; a battle with an +Enemy whose power was beyond all estimate and whose movements were not +reducible to any known law. A certain course would be mapped, certain +plans formed, a certain objective determined, and before the course +could be finished, the plans executed, or the objective point attained +the perverse, inexplicable movement of the ice baffled their +determination and set at naught their best ingenuity. + +At four o'clock it began to snow. Since the middle of the forenoon the +horizon had been obscured by clouds and mist so that no observation for +position could be taken. Steadily the clouds had advanced, and by four +o'clock the expedition found itself enveloped by wind and driving snow. +The flags could no longer be distinguished; thin and treacherous ice was +concealed under drifts; the dogs floundered helplessly; the men could +scarcely open their eyes against the wind and fine, powder-like snow, +and at times when they came to drag forward the last sledge they found +it so nearly buried in the snow that it must be dug out before it could +be moved. + +Toward half past five the odometer on one of the dog-sleds registered a +distance of three-quarters of a mile made since morning. Bennett called +a halt, and camp was pitched in the lee of one of the larger hummocks. +The alcohol cooker was set going, and supper was had under the tent, the +men eating as they lay in their sleeping-bags. But even while eating +they fell asleep, drooping lower and lower, finally collapsing upon the +canvas floor of the tent, the food still in their mouths. + +Yet, for all that, the night was miserable. Even after that day of +superhuman struggle they were not to be allowed a few hours of unbroken +rest. By midnight the wind had veered to the east and was blowing a +gale. An hour later the tent came down. Exhausted as they were, they +must turn out and wrestle with that slatting, ice-sheathed canvas, and +it was not until half an hour later that everything was fast again. + +Once more they crawled into the sleeping-bags, but soon the heat from +their bodies melted the ice upon their clothes, and pools of water +formed under each man, wetting him to the skin. Sleep was impossible. It +grew colder and colder as the night advanced, and the gale increased. At +three o'clock in the morning the centigrade thermometer was at eighteen +degrees below. The cooker was lighted again, and until six o'clock the +party huddled wretchedly about it, dozing and waking, shivering +continually. + +Breakfast at half past six o'clock; under way again an hour later. There +was no change in the nature of the ice. Ridge succeeded ridge, hummock +followed upon hummock. The wind was going down, but the snow still fell +as fine and bewildering as ever. The cold was intense. Dennison, the +doctor and naturalist of the expedition, having slipped his mitten, had +his hand frostbitten before he could recover it. Two of the dogs, Big +Joe and Stryelka, were noticeably giving out. + +But Bennett, his huge jaws clenched, his small, distorted eyes twinkling +viciously through the apertures of the wind-mask, his harsh, black +eyebrows lowering under the narrow, contracted forehead, drove the +expedition to its work relentlessly. Not Muck Tu, the dog-master, had +his Ostiaks more completely under his control than he his men. He +himself did the work of three. On that vast frame of bone and muscle, +fatigue seemed to leave no trace. Upon that inexorable bestial +determination difficulties beyond belief left no mark. Not one of the +twelve men under his command fighting the stubborn ice with tooth and +nail who was not galvanised with his tremendous energy. It was as though +a spur was in their flanks, a lash upon their backs. Their minds, their +wills, their efforts, their physical strength to the last ounce and +pennyweight belonged indissolubly to him. For the time being they were +his slaves, his serfs, his beasts of burden, his draught animals, no +better than the dogs straining in the traces beside them. Forward they +must and would go until they dropped in the harness or he gave the word +to pause. + +At four o'clock in the afternoon Bennett halted. Two miles had been made +since the last camp, and now human endurance could go no farther. +Sometimes when the men fell they were unable to get up. It was evident +there was no more in them that day. + +In his ice-journal for that date Bennett wrote: + +"... Two miles covered by 4 p.m. Our course continues to be south, +20 degrees west (magnetic). The ice still hummocky. At this rate we +shall be on half rations long before we reach Wrangel Island. No +observation possible since day before yesterday on account of snow +and clouds. Stryelka, one of our best dogs, gave out to-day. Shot +him and fed him to the others. Our advance to the southwest is slow +but sure, and every day brings nearer our objective. Temperature at +6 p.m., 6.8 degrees Fahr. (minus 14 degrees C). Wind, east; force, 2." + +The next morning was clear for two hours after breakfast, and when +Ferriss returned from his task of path-finding he reported to Bennett +that he had seen a great many water-blinks off to the southwest. + +"The wind of yesterday has broken the ice up," observed Bennett; "we +shall have hard work to-day." + +A little after midday, at a time when they had wrested some thousand +yards to the southward from the grip of the ice, the expedition came to +the first lane of open water, about three hundred feet in width. Bennett +halted the sledges and at once set about constructing a bridge of +floating cakes of ice. But the work of keeping these ice-blocks in place +long enough for the transfer of even a single sledge seemed at times to +be beyond their most strenuous endeavour. The first sledge with the +cutter crossed in safety. Then came the turn of number two, loaded with +the provisions and whaleboat. It was two-thirds of the way across when +the opposite side of the floe abruptly shifted its position, and thirty +feet of open water suddenly widened out directly in front of the line of +progress. + +"Cut loose!" commanded Bennett upon the instant. The ice-block upon +which they were gathered was set free in the current. The situation was +one of the greatest peril. The entire expedition, men and dogs together, +with their most important sledge, was adrift. But the oars and mast and +the pole of the tent were had from the whaleboat, and little by little +they ferried themselves across. The gap was bridged again and the +dog-sleds transferred. + +But now occurred the first real disaster since the destruction of the +ship. Half-way across the crazy pontoon bridge of ice, the dogs, +harnessed to one of the small sleds, became suddenly terrified. Before +any one could interfere they had bolted from Muck Tu's control in a wild +break for the farther side of the ice. The sled was overturned; +pell-mell the dogs threw themselves into the water; the sled sank, the +load-lashing parted, and two medicine chests, the bag of sewing +materials--of priceless worth--a coil of wire ropes, and three hundred +and fifty pounds of pemmican were lost in the twinkling of an eye. + +Without comment Bennett at once addressed himself to making the best of +the business. The dogs were hauled upon the ice; the few loads that yet +remained upon the sled were transferred to another; that sled was +abandoned, and once more the expedition began its never-ending battle to +the southward. + +The lanes of open water, as foreshadowed by the water-blinks that +Ferriss had noted in the morning, were frequent; alternating steadily +with hummocks and pressure-ridges. But the perversity of the ice was all +but heart-breaking. At every hour the lanes opened and closed. At one +time in the afternoon they had arrived upon the edge of a lane wide +enough to justify them in taking to their boats. The sledges were +unloaded, and stowed upon the boats themselves, and oars and sails made +ready. Then as Bennett was about to launch the lane suddenly closed up. +What had been water became a level floe, and again the process of +unloading and reloading had to be undertaken. + +That evening Big Joe and two other dogs, Gavriga and Patsy, were shot +because of their uselessness in the traces. Their bodies were cut up to +feed their mates. + +"I can spare the dogs," wrote Bennett in his journal for that +day--a Sunday--"but McPherson, one of the best men of the command, +gives me some uneasiness. His frozen footnips have chafed sores in +his ankle. One of these has ulcerated, and the doctor tells me is +in a serious condition. His pain is so great that he can no longer +haul with the others. Shall relieve him from work during the +morrow's march. Less than a mile covered to-day. Meridian +observation for latitude impossible on account of fog. Divine +services at 5:30 p.m." + +A week passed, then another. There was no change, neither in the +character of the ice nor in the expedition's daily routine. Their toil +was incredible; at times an hour's unremitting struggle would gain but a +few yards. The dogs, instead of aiding them, were rapidly becoming mere +encumbrances. Four more had been killed, a fifth had been drowned, and +two, wandering from camp, had never returned. The second dog-sled had +been abandoned. The condition of McPherson's foot was such that no work +could be demanded from him. Hawes, the carpenter, was down with fever +and kept everybody awake all night by talking in his sleep. Worse than +all, however, Ferriss's right hand was again frostbitten, and this time +Dennison, the doctor, was obliged to amputate it above the wrist. + +"... But I am no whit disheartened," wrote Bennett. "Succeed I must +and shall." + +A few days after the operation on Ferriss's hand Bennett decided it +would be advisable to allow the party a full twenty-four hours' rest. +The march of the day before had been harder than any they had yet +experienced, and, in addition to McPherson and the carpenter, the doctor +himself was upon the sick list. + +In the evening Bennett and Ferriss took a long walk or rather climb over +the ice to the southwest, picking out a course for the next day's march. + +A great friendship, not to say affection, had sprung up between these +two men, a result of their long and close intimacy on board the Freja +and of the hardships and perils they had shared during the past few +weeks while leading the expedition in the retreat to the southward. When +they had decided upon the track of the morrow's advance they sat down +for a moment upon the crest of a hummock to breathe themselves, their +elbows on their knees, looking off to the south over the desolation of +broken ice. + +With his one good hand Ferriss drew a pipe and a handful of tea leaves +wrapped in oiled paper from the breast of his deer-skin parkie. + +"Do you mind filling this pipe for me, Ward?" he asked of Bennett. + +Bennett glanced at the tea leaves and handed them back to Ferriss, and +in answer to his remonstrance produced a pouch of his own. + +"Tobacco!" cried Ferriss, astonished; "why, I thought we smoked our last +aboard ship." + +"No, I saved a little of mine." + +"Oh, well," answered Ferriss, trying to interfere with Bennett, who was +filling his pipe, "I don't want your tobacco; this tea does very well." + +"I tell you I have eight-tenths of a kilo left," lied Bennett, lighting +the pipe and handing it back to him. "Whenever you want a smoke you can +set to me." + +Bennett lit a pipe of his own, and the two began to smoke. + +"'M, ah!" murmured Ferriss, drawing upon the pipe ecstatically, "I +thought I never was going to taste good weed again till we should get +home." + +Bennett said nothing. There was a long silence. Home! what did not that +word mean for them? To leave all this hideous, grisly waste of ice +behind, to have done with fighting, to rest, to forget responsibility, +to have no more anxiety, to be warm once more--warm and well fed and +dry--to see a tree again, to rub elbows with one's fellows, to know the +meaning of warm handclasps and the faces of one's friends. + +"Dick," began Bennett abruptly after a long while, "if we get stuck here +in this damned ice I'm going to send you and probably Metz on ahead for +help. We'll make a two-man kyack for you to use when you reach the limit +of the pack, but besides the kyack you'll carry nothing but your +provisions, sleeping-bags, and rifle, and travel as fast as you can." +Bennett paused for a moment, then in a different voice continued: "I +wrote a letter last night that I was going to give you in case I should +have to send you on such a journey, but I think I might as well give it +to you now." + +He drew from his pocket an envelope carefully wrapped in oilskin. + +"If anything should happen to the expedition--to me--I want you to see +that this letter is delivered." + +He paused again. + +"You see, Dick, it's like this; there's a girl--" his face flamed +suddenly, "no--no, a woman, a grand, noble, man's woman, back in God's +country who is a great deal to me--everything in fact. She don't know, +hasn't a guess, that I care. I never spoke to her about it. But if +anything should turn up I should want her to know how it had been +with me, how much she was to me. So I've written her. You'll see that +she gets it, will you?" + +He handed the little package to Ferriss, and continued indifferently, +and resuming his accustomed manner: + +"If we get as far as Wrangel Island you can give it back to me. We are +bound to meet the relief ships or the steam whalers in that latitude. +Oh, you can look at the address," added Bennett as Ferriss, turning the +envelope bottom side up, was thrusting it into his breast pocket; "you +know her even better than I do. It's Lloyd Searight." + +Ferriss's teeth shut suddenly upon his pipestem. + +Bennett rose. "Tell Muck Tu," he said, "in case I don't think of it +again, that the dogs must be fed from now on from those that die. I +shall want the dog biscuit and dried fish for our own use." + +"I suppose it will come to that," answered Ferriss. + +"Come to that!" returned Bennett grimly; "I hope the dogs themselves +will live long enough for us to eat them. And don't misunderstand," he +added; "I talk about our getting stuck in the ice, about my not pulling +through; it's only because one must foresee everything, be prepared for +everything. Remember--I--shall--pull--through." + +But that night, long after the rest were sleeping, Ferriss, who had not +closed his eyes, bestirred himself, and, as quietly as possible, crawled +from his sleeping-bag. He fancied there was some slight change in the +atmosphere, and wanted to read the barometer affixed to a stake just +outside the tent. Yet when he had noted that it was, after all, +stationary, he stood for a moment looking out across the ice with +unseeing eyes. Then from a pocket in his furs he drew a little folder of +morocco. It was pitiably worn, stained with sea-water, patched and +repatched, its frayed edges sewed together again with ravellings of +cloth and sea-grasses. Loosening with his teeth the thong of walrus-hide +with which it was tied, Ferriss opened it and held it to the faint light +of an aurora just paling in the northern sky. + +"So," he muttered after a while, "so--Bennett, too--" + +For a long time Ferriss stood looking at Lloyd's picture till the purple +streamers in the north faded into the cold gray of the heavens. Then he +shot a glance above him. + +"God Almighty, bless her and keep her!" he prayed. + +Far off, miles away, an ice-floe split with the prolonged reverberation +of thunder. The aurora was gone. Ferriss returned to the tent. + +The following week the expedition suffered miserably. Snowstorm followed +snowstorm, the temperature dropped to twenty-two degrees below the +freezing-point, and gales of wind from the east whipped and scourged the +struggling men incessantly with myriad steel-tipped lashes. At night the +agony in their feet was all but unbearable. It was impossible to be +warm, impossible to be dry. Dennison, in a measure, recovered his +health, but the ulcer on McPherson's foot had so eaten the flesh that +the muscles were visible. Hawes's monotonous chatter and crazy +whimperings filled the tent every night. + +The only pleasures left them, the only breaks in the monotony of that +life, were to eat, and, when possible, to sleep. Thought, reason, and +reflection dwindled in their brains. Instincts--the primitive, elemental +impulses of the animal--possessed them instead. To eat, to sleep, to be +warm--they asked nothing better. The night's supper was a vision that +dwelt in their imaginations hour after hour throughout the entire day. +Oh, to sit about the blue flame of alcohol sputtering underneath the old +and battered cooker of sheet-iron! To smell the delicious savour of the +thick, boiling soup! And then the meal itself--to taste the hot, coarse, +meaty food; to feel that unspeakably grateful warmth and glow, that +almost divine sensation of satiety spreading through their poor, +shivering bodies, and then sleep; sleep, though quivering with cold; +sleep, though the wet searched the flesh to the very marrow; sleep, +though the feet burned and crisped with torture; sleep, sleep, the +dreamless stupefaction of exhaustion, the few hours' oblivion, the day's +short armistice from pain! + +But stronger, more insistent than even these instincts of the animal was +the blind, unreasoned impulse that set their faces to the southward: "To +get forward, to get forward." Answering the resistless influence of +their leader, that indomitable man of iron whom no fortune could break +nor bend, and who imposed his will upon them as it were a yoke of +steel--this idea became for them a sort of obsession. Forward, if it +were only a yard; if it were only a foot. Forward over the +heart-breaking, rubble ice; forward against the biting, shrieking wind; +forward in the face of the blinding snow; forward through the brittle +crusts and icy water; forward, although every step was an agony, though +the haul-rope cut like a dull knife, though their clothes were sheets of +ice. Blinded, panting, bruised, bleeding, and exhausted, dogs and men, +animals all, the expedition struggled forward. + +One day, a little before noon, while lunch was being cooked, the sun +broke through the clouds, and for upward of half an hour the ice-pack +was one blinding, diamond glitter. Bennett ran for his sextant and got +an observation, the first that had been possible for nearly a month. He +worked out their latitude that same evening. + +The next morning Ferriss was awakened by a touch on his shoulder. +Bennett was standing over him. + +"Come outside here a moment," said Bennett in a low voice. "Don't wake +the men." + +"Did you get our latitude?" asked Ferriss as the two came out of the +tent. + +"Yes, that's what I want to tell you." + +"What is it?" + +"Seventy-four-nineteen." + +"Why, what do you mean?" asked Ferriss quickly. + +"Just this: That the ice-pack we're on is drifting faster to the north +than we are marching to the south. We are farther north now than we were +a month ago for all our marching." + + + + +II. + + +By eleven o'clock at night the gale had increased to such an extent and +the sea had begun to build so high that it was a question whether or not +the whaleboat would ride the storm. Bennett finally decided that it +would be impossible to reach the land--stretching out in a long, dark +blur to the southwest--that night, and that the boat must run before +the wind if he was to keep her afloat. The number two cutter, with +Ferriss in command, was a bad sailer, and had fallen astern. She was +already out of hailing distance; but Bennett, who was at the whaleboat's +tiller, in the instant's glance that he dared to shoot behind him saw +with satisfaction that Ferriss had followed his example. + +The whaleboat and the number two cutter were the only boats now left to +the expedition. The third boat had been abandoned long before they had +reached open water. + +An hour later Adler, the sailing-master, who had been bailing, and who +sat facing Bennett, looked back through the storm; then, turning to +Bennett, said: + +"Beg pardon, sir, I think they are signalling us." + +Bennett did not answer, but, with his hand gripping the tiller, kept his +face to the front, his glance alternating between the heaving prow of +the boat and the huge gray billows hissing with froth careering rapidly +alongside. To pause for a moment, to vary by ever so little from the +course of the storm, might mean the drowning of them all. After a few +moments Adler spoke again, touching his cap. + +"I'm sure I see a signal, sir." + +"No, you don't," answered Bennett. + +"Beg pardon, I'm quite sure I do." + +Bennett leaned toward him, the cast in his eyes twinkling with a wicked +light, the furrow between the eyebrows deepening. "I tell you, you don't +see any signal; do you understand? You don't see any signal until I +choose to have you." + +The night was bitter hard for the occupants of the whaleboat. In their +weakened condition they were in no shape to fight a polar hurricane in +an open boat. + +For three weeks they had not known the meaning of full rations. During +the first days after the line of march over the ice had been abruptly +changed to the west in the hope of reaching open water, only +three-quarter rations had been issued, and now for the last two days +half rations had been their portion. The gnawing of hunger had begun. +Every man was perceptibly weaker. Matters were getting desperate. + +But by seven o'clock the next morning the storm had blown itself out. To +Bennett's inexpressible relief the cutter hove in view. Shaping their +course to landward once more, the boats kept company, and by the middle +of the afternoon Bennett and the crew of the whaleboat successfully +landed upon a bleak, desolate, and wind-scourged coast. But in some way, +never afterward sufficiently explained, the cutter under Ferriss's +command was crushed in the floating ice within one hundred yards of the +shore. The men and stores were landed--the water being shallow enough +for wading--but the boat was a hopeless wreck. + +"I believe it's Cape Shelaski," said Bennett to Ferriss when camp had +been made and their maps consulted. "But if it is, it's charted +thirty-five minutes too far to the west." + +Before breaking camp the next morning Bennett left this record under a +cairn of rocks upon the highest point of the cape, further marking the +spot by one of the boat's flags: + +"The Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition landed at this point October +28, 1891. Our ship was nipped and sunk in 76 deg. 10 min. north +latitude on the l2th of July last. I then attempted a southerly +march to Wrangel Island, but found such a course impracticable on +account of northerly drift of ice. On the lst of October I +accordingly struck off to the westward to find open water at the +limit of the ice, being compelled to abandon one boat and two +sledges on the way. A second boat was crushed beyond repair in +drifting ice while attempting a landing at this place. Our one +remaining boat being too small to accommodate the members of the +expedition, circumstances oblige me to begin an overland march +toward Kolyuchin Bay, following the line of the coast. We expect +either to winter among the Chuckch settlements mentioned by +Nordenskjold as existing upon the eastern shores of Kolyuchin Bay +or to fall in with the relief ships or the steam whalers en route. +By issuing half rations I have enough provisions for eighteen days, +and have saved all records, observations, papers, instruments, etc. +Enclosed is the muster roll of the expedition. No scurvy as yet and +no deaths. Our sick are William Hawes, carpenter, arctic fever, +serious; David McPherson, seaman, ulceration of left foot, serious. +The general condition of the rest of the men is fair, though much +weakened by exposure and lack of food. + +(Signed) "WARD BENNETT, Commanding." + +But during the night, their first night on land, Bennett resolved upon a +desperate expedient. Not only the boat was to be abandoned, but also the +sledges, and not only the sledges, but every article of weight not +absolutely necessary to the existence of the party. Two weeks before, +the sun had set not to rise again for six months. Winter was upon them +and darkness. The Enemy was drawing near. The great remorseless grip of +the Ice was closing. It was no time for half-measures and hesitation; +now it was life or death. + +The sense of their peril, the nearness of the Enemy, strung Bennett's +nerves taut as harp-strings. His will hardened to the flinty hardness of +the ice itself. His strength of mind and of body seemed suddenly to +quadruple itself. His determination was that of the battering-ram, +blind, deaf, resistless. The ugly set of his face became all the more +ugly, the contorted eyes flashing, the great jaw all but simian. He +appeared physically larger. It was no longer a man; it was a giant, an +ogre, a colossal jotun hurling ice-blocks, fighting out a battle +unspeakable, in the dawn of the world, in chaos and in darkness. + +The impedimenta of the expedition were broken up into packs that each +man carried upon his shoulders. From now on everything that hindered the +rapidity of their movements must be left behind. Six dogs (all that +remained of the pack of eighteen) still accompanied them. + +Bennett had hoped and had counted upon his men for an average daily +march of sixteen miles, but the winter gales driving down from the +northeast beat them back; the ice and snow that covered the land were no +less uneven than the hummocks of the pack. All game had migrated far to +the southward. + +Every day the men grew weaker and weaker; their provisions dwindled. +Again and again one or another of them, worn out beyond human endurance, +would go to sleep while marching and would fall to the ground. + +Upon the third day of this overland march one of the dogs suddenly +collapsed upon the ground, exhausted and dying. Bennett had ordered such +of the dogs that gave out cut up and their meat added to the store of +the party's provisions. Ferriss and Muck Tu had started to pick up the +dead dog when the other dogs, famished and savage, sprang upon their +fallen mate. The two men struck and kicked, all to no purpose; the dogs +turned upon them snarling and snapping. They, too, demanded to live; +they, too, wanted to be fed. It was a hideous business. There in that +half-night of the polar circle, lost and forgotten on a primordial +shore, back into the stone age once more, men and animals fought one +another for the privilege of eating a dead dog. + +But their life was not all inhuman; Bennett at least could rise even +above humanity, though his men must perforce be dragged so far below it. +At the end of the first week Hawes, the carpenter, died. When they awoke +in the morning he was found motionless and stiff in his sleeping-bag. +Some sort of grave was dug, the poor racked body lowered into it, and +before it was filled with snow and broken ice Bennett, standing quietly +in the midst of the bare-headed group, opened his prayer-book and began +with the tremendous words, "I am the Resurrection and the Life--" + +It was the beginning of the end. A week later the actual starvation +began. Slower and slower moved the expedition on its daily march, +faltering, staggering, blinded and buffeted by the incessant northeast +winds, cruel, merciless, keen as knife-blades. Hope long since was dead; +resolve wore thin under friction of disaster; like a rat, hunger gnawed +at them hour after hour; the cold was one unending agony. Still Bennett +was unbroken, still he urged them forward. For so long as they could +move he would drive them on. + +Toward four o'clock on the afternoon of one particularly hard day, word +was passed forward to Bennett at the head of the line that something was +wrong in the rear. + +"It's Adler; he's down again and can't get up; asks you to leave him." + +Bennett halted the line and went back some little distance to find Adler +lying prone upon his back, his eyes half closed, breathing short and +fast. He shook him roughly by the shoulder. + +"Up with you!" + +Adler opened his eyes and shook his head. + +"I--I'm done for this time, sir; just leave me here--please." + +"H'up!" shouted Bennett; "you're not done for; I know better." + +"Really, sir, I--I _can't_." + +"H'up!" + +"If you would only please--for God's sake, sir. It's more than I'm made +for." + +Bennett kicked him in the side. + +"H'up with you!" + +Adler struggled to his feet again, Bennett aiding him. + +"Now, then, can you go five yards?" + +"I think--I don't know--perhaps--" + +"Go them, then." + +The other moved forward. + +"Can you go five more; answer, speak up, can you?" + +Adler nodded his head. + +"Go them--and another five--and another--there--that's something like a +man, and let's have no more woman's drivel about dying." + +"But--" + +Bennett came close to him, shaking a forefinger in his face, thrusting +forward his chin wickedly. + +"My friend, I'll drive you like a dog, but," his fist clenched in the +man's face, "I'll _make_ you pull through." + +Two hours later Adler finished the day's march at the head of the line. + +The expedition began to eat its dogs. Every evening Bennett sent Muck Tu +and Adler down to the shore to gather shrimps, though fifteen hundred of +these shrimps hardly filled a gill measure. The party chewed +reindeer-moss growing in scant patches in the snow-buried rocks, and at +times made a thin, sickly infusion from the arctic willow. Again and +again Bennett despatched the Esquimau and Clarke, the best shots in the +party, on hunting expeditions to the southward. Invariably they returned +empty-handed. Occasionally they reported old tracks of reindeer and +foxes, but the winter colds had driven everything far inland. Once only +Clarke shot a snow-bunting, a little bird hardly bigger than a sparrow. +Still Bennett pushed forward. + +One morning in the beginning of the third week, after a breakfast of two +ounces of dog meat and a half cup of willow tea, Ferriss and Bennett +found themselves a little apart from the others. The men were engaged in +lowering the tent. Ferriss glanced behind to be assured he was out of +hearing, then: + +"How about McPherson?" he said in a low voice. + +McPherson's foot was all but eaten to the bone by now. It was a miracle +how the man had kept up thus far. But at length he had begun to fall +behind; every day he straggled more and more, and the previous evening +had reached camp nearly an hour after the tent had been pitched. But he +was a plucky fellow, of sterner stuff than the sailing-master, Adler, +and had no thought of giving up. + +Bennett made no reply to Ferriss, and the chief engineer did not repeat +the question. The day's march began; almost at once breast-high +snowdrifts were encountered, and when these had been left behind the +expedition involved itself upon the precipitate slopes of a huge talus +of ice and bare, black slabs of basalt. Fully two hours were spent in +clambering over this obstacle, and on its top Bennett halted to breathe +the men. But when they started forward again it was found that McPherson +could not keep his feet. When he had fallen, Adler and Dennison had +endeavoured to lift him, but they themselves were so weak that they, +too, fell. Dennison could not rise of his own efforts, and instead of +helping McPherson had to be aided himself. Bennett came forward, put an +arm about McPherson, and hauled him to an upright position. The man took +a step forward, but his left foot immediately doubled under him, and he +came to the ground again. Three times this manoeuvre was repeated; so +far from marching, McPherson could not even stand. + +"If I could have a day's rest--" began McPherson, unsteadily. Bennett +cast a glance at Dennison, the doctor. Dennison shook his head. The +foot, the entire leg below the knee, should have been amputated days +ago. A month's rest even in a hospital at home would have benefited +McPherson nothing. + +For the fraction of a minute Bennett debated the question, then he +turned to the command. + +"Forward, men!" + +"What--wh--" began McPherson, sitting upon the ground, looking from one +face to another, bewildered, terrified. Some of the men began to move +off. + +"Wait--wait," exclaimed the cripple, "I--I can get along--I--" He rose +to his knees, made, a great effort to regain his footing, and once more +came crashing down upon the ice. + +"Forward!" + +"But--but--but--_Oh, you're not going to leave me, sir_?" + +"Forward!" + +"He's been my chum, sir, all through the voyage," said one of the men, +touching his cap to Bennett; "I had just as soon be left with him. I'm +about done myself." + +Another joined in: + +"I'll stay, too--I can't leave--it's--it's too terrible." + +There was a moment's hesitation. Those who had begun to move on halted. +The whole expedition wavered. + +Bennett caught the dog-whip from Muck Tu's hand. His voice rang like the +alarm of a trumpet. + +"Forward!" + +Once more Bennett's discipline prevailed. His iron hand shut down upon +his men, more than ever resistless. Obediently they turned their faces +to the southward. The march was resumed. + +Another day passed, then two. Still the expedition struggled on. With +every hour their sufferings increased. It did not seem that anything +human could endure such stress and yet survive. Toward three o'clock in +the morning of the third night Adler woke Bennett. + +"It's Clarke, sir; he and I sleep in the same bag. I think he's going, +sir." + +One by one the men in the tent were awakened, and the train-oil lamp was +lit. + +Clarke lay in his sleeping-bag unconscious, and at long intervals +drawing a faint, quick breath. The doctor bent over him, feeling his +pulse, but shook his head hopelessly. + +"He's dying--quietly--exhaustion from starvation." + +A few moments later Clarke began to tremble slightly, the mouth opened +wide; a faint rattle came from the throat. + +Four miles was as much as could be made good the next day, and this +though the ground was comparatively smooth. Ferriss was continually +falling. Dennison and Metz were a little light-headed, and Bennett at +one time wondered if Ferriss himself had absolute control of his wits. +Since morning the wind had been blowing strongly in their faces. By noon +it had increased. At four o'clock a violent gale was howling over the +reaches of ice and rock-ribbed land. It was impossible to go forward +while it lasted. The stronger gusts fairly carried their feet from under +them. At half-past four the party halted. The gale was now a hurricane. +The expedition paused, collected itself, went forward; halted again, +again attempted to move, and came at last to a definite standstill in +whirling snow-clouds and blinding, stupefying blasts. + +"Pitch the tent!" said Bennett quietly. "We must wait now till it blows +over." + +In the lee of a mound of ice-covered rock some hundred yards from the +coast the tent was pitched, and supper, such as it was, eaten in +silence. All knew what this enforced halt must mean for them. That +supper--each man could hold his portion in the hollow of one hand--was +the last of their regular provisions. March they could not. What now? +Before crawling into their sleeping-bags, and at Bennett's request, all +joined in repeating the Creed and the Lord's Prayer. + +The next day passed, and the next, and the next. The gale continued +steadily. The southerly march was discontinued. All day and all night +the men kept in the tent, huddled in the sleeping-bags, sometimes +sleeping eighteen and twenty hours out of the twenty-four. They lost all +consciousness of the lapse of time; sensation even of suffering left +them; the very hunger itself had ceased to gnaw. Only Bennett and +Ferriss seemed to keep their heads. Then slowly the end began. + +For that last week Bennett's entries in his ice-journal were as follows: + +"November 29th--Monday--Camped at 4:30 p.m. about 100 yards from the +coast. Open water to the eastward as far as I can see. If I had not +been compelled to abandon my boats--but it is useless to repine. I +must look our situation squarely in the face. At noon served out +last beef-extract, which we drank with some willow tea. Our +remaining provisions consist of four-fifteenths of a pound of +pemmican per man, and the rest of the dog meat. Where are the +relief ships? We should at least have met the steam whalers long +before this. + +"November 30th--Tuesday--The doctor amputated Mr. Ferriss's other +hand to-day. Living gale of wind from northeast. Impossible to +march against it in our weakened condition; must camp here till it +abates. Made soup of the last of the dog meat this afternoon. Our +last pemmican gone. + +"December lst--Wednesday--Everybody getting weaker. Metz breaking +down. Sent Adler down to the shore to gather shrimps. We had about +a mouthful apiece for lunch. Supper, a spoonful of glycerine and +hot water. + +"December 2d--Thursday--Metz died during the night. Hansen dying. +Still blowing a gale from the northeast. A hard night. + +"December 3d--Friday--Hansen died during early morning. Muck Tu shot +a ptarmigan. Made soup. Dennison breaking down. + +"December 4th--Saturday--Buried Hansen under slabs of ice. Spoonful +of glycerine and hot water at noon. + +"December 5th--Sunday--Dennison found dead this morning between +Adler and myself. Too weak to bury him, or even carry him out of +the tent. He must lie where he is. Divine services at 5:30 +P.M. Last spoonful of glycerine and hot water." + + * * * * * + +The next day was Monday, and at some indeterminate hour of the +twenty-four, though whether it was night or noon he could not say, +Ferriss woke in his sleeping-bag and raised himself on an elbow, and for +a moment sat stupidly watching Bennett writing in his journal. Noticing +that he was awake, Bennett looked up from the page and spoke in a voice +thick and muffled because of the swelling of his tongue. + +"How long has this wind been blowing, Ferriss?" + +"Since a week ago to-day," answered the other. + +Bennett continued his writing. + +"...Incessant gales of wind for over a week. Impossible to move +against them in our weakened condition. But to stay here is to +perish. God help us. It is the end of everything." + +Bennett drew a line across the page under the last entry, and, still +holding the book in his hand, gazed slowly about the tent. + +There were six of them left--five huddled together in that miserable +tent--the sixth, Adler, being down on the shore gathering shrimps. In +the strange and gloomy half-light that filled the tent these survivors +of the Freja looked less like men than beasts. Their hair and beards +were long, and seemed one with the fur covering of their bodies. Their +faces were absolutely black with dirt, and their limbs were monstrously +distended and fat--fat as things bloated and swollen are fat. It was the +abnormal fatness of starvation, the irony of misery, the huge joke that +arctic famine plays upon those whom it afterward destroys. The men moved +about at times on their hands and knees; their tongues were distended, +round, and slate-coloured, like the tongues of parrots, and when they +spoke they bit them helplessly. + +Near the flap of the tent lay the swollen dead body of Dennison. Two of +the party dozed inert and stupefied in their sleeping-bags. Muck Tu was +in the corner of the tent boiling his sealskin footnips over the +sheet-iron cooker. Ferriss and Bennett sat on opposite sides of the +tent, Bennett using his knee as a desk, Ferriss trying to free himself +from the sleeping-bag with the stumps of his arms. Upon one of these +stumps, the right one, a tin spoon had been lashed. + +The tent was full of foul smells. The smell of drugs and of mouldy +gunpowder, the smell of dirty rags, of unwashed bodies, the smell of +stale smoke, of scorching sealskin, of soaked and rotting canvas that +exhaled from the tent cover--every smell but that of food. + +Outside the unleashed wind yelled incessantly, like a sabbath of +witches, and spun about the pitiful shelter and went rioting past, +leaping and somersaulting from rock to rock, tossing handfuls of dry, +dust-like snow into the air; folly-stricken, insensate, an enormous, mad +monster gambolling there in some hideous dance of death, capricious, +headstrong, pitiless as a famished wolf. + +In front of the tent and over a ridge of barren rocks was an arm of the +sea dotted with blocks of ice moving silently and swiftly onward; while +back from the coast, and back from the tent and to the south and to the +west and to the east, stretched the illimitable waste of land, rugged, +gray, harsh; snow and ice and rock, rock and ice and snow, stretching +away there under the sombre sky forever and forever; gloomy, untamed, +terrible, an empty region--the scarred battlefield of chaotic forces, +the savage desolation of a prehistoric world. + +"Where's Adler?" asked Ferriss. + +"He's away after shrimps," responded Bennett. + +Bennett's eyes returned to his journal and rested on the open page +thoughtfully. + +"Do you know what I've just written here, Ferriss?" he asked, adding +without waiting for an answer: "I've written 'It's the end of +everything.'" + +"I suppose it is," admitted Ferriss, looking about the tent. + +"Yes, the end of everything. It's come--at last.... Well." There was a +long silence. One of the men in the sleeping-bags groaned and turned +upon his face. Outside the wind lapsed suddenly to a prolonged sigh of +infinite sadness, clamouring again upon the instant. + +"Dick," said Bennett, returning his journal to the box of records, "it +_is_ the end of everything, and just because it is I want to talk to +you--to ask you something." + +Ferriss came nearer. The horrid shouting of the wind deadened the sound +of their voices; the others could not hear, and by now it would have +mattered very little to any of them if they had. + +"Dick," began Bennett, "nothing makes much difference now. In a few +hours we shall all be like Dennison here;" he tapped the body of the +doctor, who had died during the night. It was already frozen so hard +that his touch upon it resounded as if it had been a log of wood. "We +shall be like this pretty soon. But before--well, while I can, I want to +ask you something about Lloyd Searight. You've known her all your life, +and you saw her later than I did before we left. You remember I had to +come to the ship two days before you, about the bilge pumps." + +While Bennett had been speaking Ferriss had been sitting very erect upon +his sleeping-bag, drawing figures and vague patterns in the fur of his +deer-skin coat with the tip of the tin spoon. Yes, Bennett was right; he, +Ferriss, had known her all his life, and it was no doubt because of this +very fact that she had come to be so dear to him. But he had not always +known it, had never discovered his love for her until the time was at +hand to say good-bye, to leave her for this mad dash for the Pole. It +had been too late to speak then, and Ferriss had never told her. She was +never to know that he too--like Bennett--cared. + +"It seems rather foolish," continued Bennett clumsily, "but if I thought +she had ever cared for me--in that way--why, it would make this that is +coming to us seem--I don't know--easier to be borne perhaps. I say it +very badly, but it would not be so hard to die if I thought she had ever +loved me--a bit." + +Ferriss was thinking very fast. Why was it he had never guessed +something like this? But in Ferriss's mind the idea of the love of a +woman had never associated itself with Bennett, that great, harsh man of +colossal frame, so absorbed in his huge projects, so welded to his +single aim, furthering his purposes to the exclusion of every other +thought, desire, or emotion. Bennett was a man's man. But here Ferriss +checked himself. Bennett himself had called her a man's woman, a grand, +splendid man's woman. He was right; he was right. She was no less than +that; small wonder, after all, that Bennett had been attracted to her. +What a pair they were, strong, masterful both, insolent in the +consciousness of their power! + +"You have known her so well and for so long," continued Bennett, "that I +am sure she must have said something to you about me. Tell me, did she +ever say anything--or not that--but imply in her manner, give you to +understand that she would have married me if I had asked her?" + +Ferriss found time, even in such an hour, to wonder at the sudden and +unexpected break in the uniform hardness of Bennett's character. Ferriss +knew him well by now. Bennett was not a man to ask concessions, to catch +at small favours. What he wanted he took with an iron hand, without ruth +and without scruple. But in the unspeakable dissolution in which they +were now involved did anything make a difference? The dreadful mill in +which they had been ground had crushed from them all petty distinctions +of personality, individuality. Humanity--the elements of character +common to all men--only remained. + +But Ferriss was puzzled as to how he should answer Bennett. On the one +hand was the woman he loved, and on the other Bennett, his best friend, +his chief, his hero. They, too, had lived together for so long, had +fought out the fight with the Enemy shoulder to shoulder, had battled +with the same dangers, had dared the same sufferings, had undergone the +same defeats and disappointments. + +Ferriss felt himself in grievous straits. Must he tell Bennett the +truth? Must this final disillusion be added to that long train of +others, the disasters, the failures, the disappointments, and deferred +hopes of all those past months? Must Bennett die hugging to his heart +this bitterness as well? + +"I sometimes thought," observed Bennett with a weak smile, "that she did +care a little. I've surely seen something like that in her eyes at +certain moments. I wish I had spoken. Did she ever say anything to you? +Do you think she would have married me if I had asked her?" He paused, +waiting for an answer. + +"Oh--yes," hazarded Ferriss, driven to make some sort of response, +hoping to end the conversation; "yes, I think she would." + +"You do?" said Bennett quickly. "You think she would? What did she say? +Did she ever say anything to you?" + +The thing was too cruel; Ferriss shrank from it. But suddenly an idea +occurred to him. Did anything make any difference now? Why not tell his +friend that which he wanted to hear, even if it were not the truth? +After all that Bennett had suffered why could he not die content at +least in this? What did it matter if he spoke? Did anything matter at +such a time when they were all to die within the next twenty-four hours? +Bennett was looking straight into his eyes; there was no time to think +of consequences. Consequences? But there were to be _no_ consequences. +This was the end. Yet could Ferriss make Bennett receive such an +untruth? Ferriss did not believe that Lloyd cared for Bennett; knew that +she did not, in fact, and if she had cared, did Bennett think for an +instant that she--of all women--would have confessed the fact, confessed +it to him, Bennett's most intimate friend? Ferriss had known Lloyd well +for a long time, had at last come to love her. But could he himself tell +whether or no Lloyd cared for him? No, he could not, certainly he could +not. + +Meanwhile Bennett was waiting for his answer. Ferriss's mind was all +confused. He could no longer distinguish right from wrong. If the lie +would make Bennett happier in this last hour of his life, why not tell +the lie? + +"Yes," answered Ferriss, "she did say something once." + +"She did?" + +"Yes," continued Ferriss slowly, trying to invent the most plausible +lie. "We had been speaking of the expedition and of you. I don't know +how the subject was brought up, but it came in very naturally at length. +She said--yes, I recall it. She said: 'You must bring him back to me. +Remember he is everything to me--everything in the world.'" + +"She--" Bennett cleared his throat, then tugged at his mustache; "she +said that?" + +Ferriss nodded. + +"Ah!" said Bennett with a quick breath, then he added: "I'm glad of +that; you haven't any idea how glad I am, Dick--in spite of everything." + +"Oh, yes, I guess I have," murmured Ferriss. + +"No, no, indeed, you haven't," returned the other. "One has to love a +woman like that, Dick, and have her--and find out--and have things come +right, to appreciate it. She would have been my wife after all. I don't +know how to thank you, Dick. Congratulate me." + +He rose, holding out his hand; Ferriss feebly rose, too, and +instinctively extended his arm, but withdrew it suddenly. Bennett paused +abruptly, letting his hand fall to his side, and the two men remained +there an instant, looking at the stumps of Ferriss's arms, the tin spoon +still lashed to the right wrist. + +A few hours later Bennett noted that the gale had begun perceptibly to +abate. By afternoon he was sure that the storm would be over. As he +turned to re-enter the tent after reading the wind-gauge he noted that +Kamiska, their one remaining dog, had come back, and was sitting on a +projection of ice a little distance away, uncertain as to her reception +after her absence. Bennett was persuaded that Kamiska had not run away. +Of all the Ostiaks she had been the most faithful. Bennett chose to +believe that she had wandered from the tent and had lost herself in the +blinding snow. But here was food. Kamiska could be killed; life could be +prolonged a day or two, perhaps three, while the strongest man of the +party, carrying the greater portion of the dog meat on his shoulders, +could push forward and, perhaps, after all, reach Kolyuchin Bay and the +Chuckch settlements and return with aid. But who could go? Assuredly not +Ferriss, so weak he could scarcely keep on his feet; not Adler, who at +times was delirious, and who needed the discipline of a powerful leader +to keep him to his work; Muck Tu, the Esquimau, could not be trusted +with the lives of all of them, and the two remaining men were in all but +a dying condition. Only one man of them all was equal to the task, only +one of them who still retained his strength of body and mind; he +himself, Bennett. Yes, but to abandon his men? + +He crawled into the tent again to get the rifle with which to shoot the +dog, but, suddenly possessed of an idea, paused for a moment, seated on +the sleeping-bag, his head in his hands. + +Beaten? Was he beaten at last? Had the Enemy conquered? Had the Ice +enclosed him in its vast, remorseless grip? Then once more his +determination grew big within him, for a last time that iron will rose +up in mighty protest of defeat. No, no, no; he was not beaten; he would +live; he, the strongest, the fittest, would survive. Was it not right +that the mightiest should live? Was it not the great law of nature? He +knew himself to be strong enough to move; to march, perhaps, for two +whole days; and now food had come to them, to him. Yes, but to abandon +his men? + +He had left McPherson, it is true; but then the lives of all of them had +been involved--one life against eleven. Now he was thinking only of +himself. But Ferriss--no, he could not leave Ferriss. Ferriss would come +with him. They would share the dog meat between them--the whole of it. +He, with Ferriss, would push on. He would reach Kolyuchin Bay and the +settlements. He would be saved; he would reach home; would come +back--come back to Lloyd, who loved him. Yes, but to abandon his men? + +Then Bennett's great fist closed, closed and smote heavily upon his +knee. + +"No," he said decisively. + +He had spoken his thoughts aloud, and Ferriss, who had crawled into his +sleeping-bag again, looked at him curiously. Even Muck Tu turned his +head from the sickening mess reeking upon the cooker. There was a noise +of feet at the flap of the tent. + +"It's Adler," muttered Ferriss. + +Adler tore open the flap. + +Then he shouted to Bennett: "Three steam whalers off the foot of the +floe, sir; boat putting off! What orders, sir?" + +Bennett looked at him stupidly, as yet without definite thought. + +"What did you say?" + +The men in the sleeping-bags, roused by Adler's shout, sat up and +listened stolidly. + +"Steam whalers?" said Bennett slowly. "Where? I guess not," he added, +shaking his head. + +Adler was swaying in his place with excitement. + +"Three whalers," he repeated, "close in. They've put off--oh, my God! +Listen to that." + +The unmistakable sound of a steamer's whistle, raucous and prolonged, +came to their ears from the direction of the coast. One of the men broke +into a feeble cheer. The whole tent was rousing up. Again and again came +the hoarse, insistent cry of the whistle. + +"What orders, sir?" repeated Adler. + +A clamour of voices filled the tent. + +Ferriss came quickly up to Bennett, trying to make himself heard. + +"Listen!" he cried with eager intentness, "what I told you--a while +ago--about Lloyd--I thought--it's all a mistake, you don't understand--" + +Bennett was not listening. + +"What orders, sir?" exclaimed Adler for the third time. + +Bennett drew himself up. + +"My compliments to the officer in command. Tell him there are six of us +left--tell him--oh, tell him anything you damn please. Men," he cried, +his harsh face suddenly radiant, "make ready to get out of this! We're +going home, going home to those who love us, men." + + + + +III. + + +As Lloyd Searight turned into Calumet Square on her way from the +bookseller's, with her purchases under her arm, she was surprised to +notice a drop of rain upon the back of one of her white gloves. She +looked up quickly; the sun was gone. On the east side of the square, +under the trees, the houses that at this hour of the afternoon should +have been overlaid with golden light were in shadow. The heat that had +been palpitating through all the City's streets since early morning was +swiftly giving place to a certain cool and odorous dampness. There was +even a breeze beginning to stir in the tops of the higher elms. As the +drops began to thicken upon the warm, sun-baked asphalt under foot Lloyd +sharply quickened her pace. But the summer storm was coming up rapidly. +By the time she reached the great granite-built agency on the opposite +side of the square she was all but running, and as she put her key in +the door the rain swept down with a prolonged and muffled roar. + +She let herself into the spacious, airy hallway of the agency, shutting +the door by leaning against it, and stood there for an instant to get +her breath. Rownie, the young mulatto girl, one of the servants of the +house, who was going upstairs with an armful of clean towels, turned +about at the closing of the door and called: + +"Jus' in time, Miss Lloyd; jus' in time. I reckon Miss Wakeley and Miss +Esther Thielman going to get for sure wet. They ain't neither one of 'em +took ary umberel." + +"Did Miss Wakeley and Miss Thielman both go out?" demanded Lloyd +quickly. "Did they both go on a call?" + +"Yes, Miss Lloyd," answered Rownie. "I don't know because why Miss +Wakeley went, but Miss Esther Thielman got a typhoid call--another one. +That's three f'om this house come next Sunday week. I reckon Miss +Wakeley going out meks you next on call, Miss Lloyd." + +While Rownie had been speaking Lloyd had crossed the hall to where the +roster of the nurses' names, in little movable slides, hung against the +wall. As often as a nurse was called out she removed her name from the +top of this list and slid it into place at the bottom, so that whoever +found her name at the top of the roster knew that she was "next on call" +and prepared herself accordingly. + +Lloyd's name was now at the top of the list. She had not been gone five +minutes from the agency, and it was rare for two nurses to be called out +in so short a time. + +"Is it your tu'n?" asked Rownie as Lloyd faced quickly about. + +"Yes, yes," answered Lloyd, running up the stairs, adding, as she passed +the mulatto: "There's been no call sent in since Miss Thielman left, has +there, Rownie?" Rownie shook her head. + +Lloyd went directly to her room, tossed her books aside without removing +the wrappers, and set about packing her satchel. When this was done she +changed her tailor-made street dress and crisp skirt for clothes that +would not rustle when she moved, and put herself neatly to rights, +stripping off her rings and removing the dog-violets from her waist. +Then she went to the round, old-fashioned mirror that hung between the +windows of her room, and combed back her hair in a great roll from her +forehead and temples, and stood there a moment or so when she had done, +looking at her reflection. + +She was tall and of a very vigorous build, full-throated, deep-chested, +with large, strong hands and solid, round wrists. Her face was rather +serious; one did not expect her to smile easily; the eyes dull blue, +with no trace of sparkle and set deep under heavy, level eyebrows. Her +mouth was the mouth of the obstinate, of the strong-willed, and her chin +was not small. But her hair was a veritable glory, a dull-red flame, +that bore back from her face in one great solid roll, dull red, like +copper or old bronze, thick, heavy, almost gorgeous in its sombre +radiance. Dull-red hair, dull-blue eyes, and a faint, dull glow forever +on her cheeks, Lloyd was a beautiful woman; much about her that was +regal, for she was very straight as well as very tall, and could look +down upon most women and upon not a few men. + +Lloyd turned from the mirror, laying down the comb. She had yet to pack +her nurse's bag, or, since this was always ready, to make sure that none +of its equipment was lacking. She was very proud of this bag, as she had +caused it to be made after her own ideas and design. It was of black +russia leather and in the form of an ordinary valise, but set off with a +fine silver clasp bearing her name and the agency's address. She brought +it from the closet and ran over its contents, murmuring the while to +herself: + +"Clinical thermometer--brandy--hypodermic syringe--vial of oxalic-acid +crystals--minim-glass--temperature charts; yes, yes, everything right." + +While she was still speaking Miss Douglass, the fever nurse, knocked at +her door, and, finding it ajar, entered without further ceremony. + +"Are you in, Miss Searight?" called Miss Douglass, looking about the +room, for Lloyd had returned to the closet and was busy washing the +minim-glass. + +"Yes, yes," cried Lloyd, "I am. Sit down." + +"Rownie told me you are next on call," said the other, dropping on +Lloyd's couch. + +"So I am; I was very nearly caught, too. I ran over across the square +for five minutes, and while I was gone Miss Wakeley and Esther Thielman +were called. My name is at the top now." + +"Esther got a typhoid case from Dr. Pitts. Do you know, Lloyd, +that's--let me see, that's four--seven--nine--that's ten typhoid cases +in the City that I can think of right now." + +"It's everywhere; yes, I know," answered Lloyd, coming out of the room, +carefully drying the minim-glass. + +"We are going to have trouble with it," continued the fever nurse; +"plenty of it before cool weather comes. It's almost epidemic." + +Lloyd held the minim-glass against the light, scrutinising it with +narrowed lids. + +"What did Esther say when she knew it was an infectious case?" she +asked. "Did she hesitate at all?" + +"Not she!" declared Miss Douglass. "She's no Harriet Freeze." + +Lloyd did not answer. This case of Harriet Freeze was one that the +nurses of the house had never forgotten and would never forgive. Miss +Freeze, a young English woman, newly graduated, suddenly called upon to +nurse a patient stricken with smallpox, had flinched and had been found +wanting at the crucial moment, had discovered an excuse for leaving her +post, having once accepted it. It was cowardice in the presence of the +Enemy. Anything could have been forgiven but that. On the girl's return +to the agency nothing was said, no action taken, but for all that she +was none the less expelled dishonourably from the midst of her +companions. Nothing could have been stronger than the _esprit de corps_ +of this group of young women, whose lives were devoted to an unending +battle with disease. + +Lloyd continued the overhauling of her equipment, and began ruling forms +for nourishment charts, while Miss Douglass importuned her to subscribe +to a purse the nurses were making up for an old cripple dying of cancer. +Lloyd refused. + +"You know very well, Miss Douglass, that I only give to charity through +the association." + +"I know," persisted the other, "and I know you give twice as much as all +of us put together, but with this poor old fellow it's different. We +know all about him, and every one of us in the house has given +something. You are the only one that won't, Lloyd, and I had so hoped I +could make it tip to fifty dollars." + +"No." + +"We need only three dollars now. We can buy that little cigar stand for +him for fifty dollars." + +"No." + +"And you won't give us just three dollars?" + +"No." + +"Well, you give half and I'll give half," said Miss Douglass. + +"Do you think it's a question of money with me?" Lloyd smiled. + +Indeed this was a poor argument with which to move Lloyd--Lloyd whose +railroad stock alone brought her some fifteen thousand dollars a year. + +"Well, no; I don't mean that, of course, but, Lloyd, do let us have +three dollars, and I can send word to the old chap this very afternoon. +It will make him happy for the rest of his life." + +"No--no--no, not three dollars, nor three cents." + +Miss Douglass made a gesture of despair. She might have expected that +she could not move Lloyd. Once her mind was made up, one might argue +with her till one's breath failed. She shook her head at Lloyd and +exclaimed, but not ill-naturedly: + +"Obstinate! Obstinate! Obstinate!" + +Lloyd put away the hypodermic syringe and the minim-glass in their +places in the bag, added a little ice-pick to its contents, and shut the +bag with a snap. + +"Now," she announced, "I'm ready." + +When Miss Douglass had taken herself away Lloyd settled herself in the +place she had vacated, and, stripping the wrappings from the books and +magazines she had bought, began to turn the pages, looking at the +pictures. But her interest flagged. She tried to read, but soon cast the +book from her and leaned back upon the great couch, her hands clasped +behind the great bronze-red coils at the back of her head, her dull-blue +eyes fixed and vacant. + +For hours the preceding night she had lain broad awake in her bed, +staring at the shifting shadow pictures that the electric lights, +shining through the trees down in the square, threw upon the walls and +ceiling of her room. She had eaten but little since morning; a growing +spirit of unrest had possessed her for the last two days. Now it had +reached a head. She could no longer put her thoughts from her. + +It had all come back again for the fiftieth time, for the hundredth +time, the old, intolerable burden of anxiety growing heavier month by +month, year by year. It seemed to her that a shape of terror, formless, +intangible, and invisible, was always by her, now withdrawing, now +advancing, but always there; there close at hand in some dark corner +where she could not see, ready at every instant to assume a terrible and +all too well-known form, and to jump at her from behind, from out the +dark, and to clutch her throat with cold fingers. The thing played with +her, tormented her; at times it all but disappeared; at times she +believed she had fought it from her for good, and then she would wake of +a night, in the stillness and in the dark, and know it to be there once +more--at her bedside--at her back--at her throat--till her heart went +wild with fear, and the suspense of waiting for an Enemy that would not +strike, but that lurked and leered in dark corners, wrung from her a +suppressed cry of anguish and exasperation, and drove her from her sleep +with streaming eyes and tight-shut hands and wordless prayers. + +For a few moments Lloyd lay back upon the couch, then regained her feet +with a brusque, harassed movement of head and shoulders. + +"Ah, no," she exclaimed under her breath, "it is too dreadful." + +She tried to find diversion in her room, rearranging the few ornaments, +winding the clock that struck ships' bells instead of hours, and turning +the wicks of the old empire lamps that hung in brass brackets on either +side the fireplace. Lloyd, after building the agency, had felt no +scruple in choosing the best room in the house and furnishing it +according to her taste. Her room was beautiful, but very simple in its +appointments. There were great flat wall-space unspoiled by bric-à-brac, +the floor marquetry, with but few rugs. The fireplace and its +appurtenances were of brass. Her writing-desk, a huge affair, of ancient +and almost black San Domingo mahogany. + +But soon she wearied of the small business of pottering about her clock +and lamps, and, turning to the window, opened it, and, leaning upon her +elbows, looked down into the square. + +By now the thunderstorm was gone, like the withdrawal of a dark curtain; +the sun was out again over the City. The square, deserted but half an +hour ago, was reinvaded with its little people of nurse-maids, +gray-coated policemen, and loungers reading their papers on the benches +near the fountain. The elms still dripped, their wet leaves glistening +again to the sun. There was a delicious smell in the air--a smell of +warm, wet grass, of leaves and drenched bark from the trees. On the far +side of the square, seen at intervals in the spaces between the foliage, +a passing truck painted vermilion set a brisk note of colour in the +scene. A newsboy appeared chanting the evening editions. On a sudden and +from somewhere close at hand an unseen hand-piano broke out into a gay, +jangling quickstep, marking the time with delightful precision. + +A carriage, its fine lacquered flanks gleaming in the sunlight, rolled +through the square, on its way, no doubt, to the very fashionable +quarter of the City just beyond. Lloyd had a glimpse of the girl leaning +back in its cushions, a girl of her own age, with whom she had some +slight acquaintance. For a moment Lloyd, ridden with her terrors, asked +herself if this girl, with no capabilities for either great happiness or +great sorrow, were not perhaps, after all, happier than she. But she +recoiled instantly, murmuring to herself with a certain fierce energy: + +"No, no; after all, I have lived." + +And how had she lived? For the moment Lloyd was willing to compare +herself with the girl in the landau. Swiftly she ran over her own life +from the time when left an orphan; in the year of her majority she had +become her own mistress and the mistress of the Searight estate. But +even at that time she had long since broken away from the conventional +world she had known. Lloyd was a nurse in the great St Luke's Hospital +even then, had been a probationer there at the time of her mother's +death, six months before. She had always been ambitious, but vaguely so, +having no determined object in view. She recalled how at that time she +knew only that she was in love with her work, her chosen profession, and +was accounted the best operating nurse in the ward. + +She remembered, too, the various steps of her advancement, the positions +she had occupied; probationer first, then full member of the active +corps, next operating nurse, then ward manager, and, after her +graduation, head nurse of ward four, where the maternity cases were +treated. Then had come the time when she had left the hospital and +practised private nursing by herself, and at last, not so long ago, the +day when her Idea had so abruptly occurred to her; when her ambition, no +longer vague, no longer personal, had crystallised and taken shape; when +she had discovered a use for her money and had built and founded the +house on Calumet Square. For a time she had been the superintendent of +nurses here, until her own theories and ideas had obtained and prevailed +in its management. Then, her work fairly started, she had resigned her +position to an older woman, and had taken her place in the rank and file +of the nurses themselves. She wished to be one of them, living the same +life, subject to the same rigorous discipline, and to that end she had +never allowed it to be known that she was the founder of the house. The +other nurses knew that she was very rich, very independent and +self-reliant, but that was all. Lloyd did not know and cared very little +how they explained the origin and support of the agency. + +Lloyd was animated by no great philanthropy, no vast love of humanity in +her work; only she wanted, with all her soul she wanted, to count in the +general economy of things; to choose a work and do it; to help on, +_donner un coup d'epaule_; and this, supported by her own stubborn +energy and her immense wealth, she felt that she was doing. To do things +had become her creed; to do things, not to think them; to do things, not +to talk them; to do things, not to read them. No matter how lofty the +thoughts, how brilliant the talk, how beautiful the literature--for her, +first, last, and always, were acts, acts, acts--concrete, substantial, +material acts. The greatest and happiest day of her life had been when +at last she laid her bare hand upon the rough, hard stone of the house +in the square and looked up at the facade, her dull-blue eyes flashing +with the light that so rarely came to them, while she murmured between +her teeth: + +"I--did--this." + +As she recalled this moment now, leaning upon her elbows, looking down +upon the trees and grass and asphalt of the square, and upon a receding +landau, a wave of a certain natural pride in her strength, the +satisfaction of attainment, came to her. Ah! she was better than other +women; ah! she was stronger than other women; she was carrying out a +splendid work. She straightened herself to her full height abruptly, +stretching her outspread hands vaguely to the sunlight, to the City, to +the world, to the great engine of life whose lever she could grasp and +could control, smiling proudly, almost insolently, in the consciousness +of her strength, the fine steadfastness of her purpose. Then all at once +the smile was struck from her lips, the stiffness of her poise suddenly +relaxed. There, there it was again, the terror, the dreadful fear she +dared not name, back in its place once more--at her side, at her +shoulder, at her throat, ready to clutch at her from out the dark. + +She wheeled from the window, from the sunlight, her hands clasped before +her trembling lips, the tears brimming her dull-blue eyes. For +forty-eight hours she had fought this from her. But now it was no longer +to be resisted. + +"No, no," she cried half aloud. "I am no better, no stronger than the +others. What does it all amount to when I know that, after all, I am +just a woman--just a woman whose heart is slowly breaking?" + +But there was an interruption. Rownie had knocked twice at her door +before Lloyd had heard her. When Lloyd had opened the door the girl +handed her a card with an address written on it in the superintendent's +hand. + +"This here jus' now come in f'om Dr. Street, Miss Lloyd," said Rownie; +"Miss Bergyn" (this was the superintendent nurse) "ast me to give it to +you." + +It was a call to an address that seemed familiar to Lloyd at first; but +she did not stop at that moment to reflect. Her stable telephone hung +against the wall of the closet. She rang for Lewis, and while waiting +for him to get around dressed for the street. + +For the moment, at the prospect of action, even her haunting fear drew +off and stood away from her. She was absorbed in her work upon the +instant--alert, watchful, self-reliant. What the case was she could only +surmise. How long she would be away she had no means of knowing--a week, +a month, a year, she could not tell. But she was ready for any +contingency. Usually the doctors informed the nurses as to the nature of +the case at the time of sending for them, but Dr. Street had not done so +now. + +However, Rownie called up to her that her coupé was at the door. Lloyd +caught up her satchels and ran down the stairs, crying good-bye to Miss +Douglass, whom she saw at the farther end of the hall. In the hallway by +the vestibule she changed the slide bearing her name from the top to the +bottom of the roster. + +"How about your mail?" cried Miss Douglass after her. + +"Keep it here for me until I see how long I'm to be away," answered +Lloyd, her hand upon the knob. "I'll let you know." + +Lewis had put Rox in the shafts, and while the coupé spun over the +asphalt at a smart clip Lloyd tried to remember where she had heard of +the address before. Suddenly she snapped her fingers; she knew the case, +had even been assigned to it some eight months before. + +"Yes, yes, that's it--Campbell--wife dead--Lafayette Avenue--little +daughter, Hattie--hip disease--hopeless--poor little baby." + +Arriving at the house, Lloyd found the surgeon, Dr. Street, and Mr. +Campbell, who was a widower, waiting for her in a small drawing-room off +the library. The surgeon was genuinely surprised and delighted to see +her. Most of the doctors of the City knew Lloyd for the best trained +nurse in the hospitals. + +"Oh, it's you, Miss Searight; good enough!" The surgeon introduced her +to the little patient's father, adding: "If any one can pull us through, +Campbell, it will be Miss Searight." + +The surgeon and nurse began to discuss the case. + +"I think you know it already, don't you, Miss Searight?" said the +surgeon. "You took care of it a while last winter. Well, there was a +little improvement in the spring, not so much pain, but that in itself +is a bad sign. We have done what we could, Farnham and I. But it don't +yield to treatment; you know how these things are--stubborn. We made a +preliminary examination yesterday. Sinuses have occurred, and the probe +leads down to nothing but dead bone. Farnham and I had a consultation +this morning. We must play our last card. I shall exsect the joint +to-morrow." + +Mr. Campbell drew in his breath and held it for a moment, looking out of +the window. + +Very attentive, Lloyd merely nodded her head, murmuring: + +"I understand." + +When Dr. Street had gone Lloyd immediately set to work. The operation +was to take place at noon the following day, and she foresaw there would +be no sleep for her that night. Street had left everything to her, even +to the sterilising of his instruments. Until daylight the following +morning Lloyd came and went about the house with an untiring energy, yet +with the silence of a swiftly moving shadow, getting together the things +needed for the operation--strychnia tablets, absorbent cotton, the +rubber tubing for the tourniquet, bandages, salt, and the like--and +preparing the little chamber adjoining the sick-room as an +operating-room. + +The little patient herself, Hattie, hardly into her teens, remembered +Lloyd at once. Before she went to sleep Lloyd contrived to spend an hour +in the sick-room with her, told her as much as was necessary of what +was contemplated, and, by her cheery talk, her gentleness and sympathy, +inspired the little girl with a certain sense of confidence and trust in +her. + +"But--but--but just how bad will it hurt, Miss Searight?" inquired +Hattie, looking at her, wide-eyed and serious. + +"Dear, it won't hurt you at all; just two or three breaths of the ether +and you will be sound asleep. When you wake up it will be all over and +you will be well." + +Lloyd made the ether cone from a stiff towel, and set it on Hattie's +dressing-table. Last of all and just before the operation the gauze +sponges occupied her attention. The daytime brought her no rest. Hattie +was not to have any breakfast, but toward the middle of the forenoon +Lloyd gave her a stimulating enema of whiskey and water, following it +about an hour later by a hundredth grain of atropia. She braided the +little girl's hair in two long plaits so that her head would rest +squarely and flatly upon the pillow. Hattie herself was now ready for +the surgeon. + +Now there was nothing more to be done. Lloyd could but wait. She took +her place at the bedside and tried to talk as lightly as was possible to +her patient. But now there was a pause in the round of action. Her mind +no longer keenly intent upon the immediate necessities of the moment, +began to hark back again to the one great haunting fear that for so long +had overshadowed it. Even while she exerted herself to be cheerful and +watched for the smiles on Hattie's face her hands twisted tight and +tighter under the folds of her blouse, and some second self within her +seemed to say: + +"Suppose, suppose it should come, this thing I dread but dare not name, +what then, what then? Should I not expect it? Is it not almost a +certainty? Have I not been merely deceiving myself with the forlornest +hopes? Is it not the most reasonable course to expect the worst? Do not +all indications point that way? Has not my whole life been shaped to +this end? Was not this calamity, this mighty sorrow, prepared for me +even before I was born? And one can do nothing, absolutely nothing, +nothing, but wait and hope and fear, and eat out one's heart with +longing." + +There was a knock at the door. Instead of calling to enter Lloyd went to +it softly and opened it a few inches. Mr. Campbell was there. + +"They've come--Street and the assistant." + +Lloyd heard a murmur of voices in the hall below and the closing of the +front door. + +Farnham and Street went at once to the operating-room to make their +hands and wrists aseptic. Campbell had gone downstairs to his +smoking-room. It had been decided--though contrary to custom--that Lloyd +should administer the chloroform. + +At length Street tapped with the handle of a scalpel on the door to say +that he was ready. + +"Now, dear," said Lloyd, turning to Hattie, and picking up the ether +cone. + +But the little girl's courage suddenly failed her. She began to plead in +a low voice choked with tears. Her supplications were pitiful; but +Lloyd, once more intent upon her work, every faculty and thought +concentrated upon what must be done, did not temporise an instant. +Quietly she gathered Hattie's frail wrists in the grip of one strong +palm, and held the cone to her face until she had passed off with a long +sigh. She picked her up lightly, carried her into the next room, and +laid her upon the operating-table. At the last moment Lloyd had busied +herself with the preparation of her own person. Over her dress she +passed her hospital blouse, which had been under a dry heat for hours. +She rolled her sleeves up from her strong white forearms with their +thick wrists and fine blue veining, and for upward of ten minutes +scrubbed them with a new nail-brush in water as hot as she could bear +it. After this she let her hands and forearms lie in the permanganate of +potash solution till they were brown to the elbow, then washed away the +stain in the oxalic-acid solution and in sterilised hot water. Street +and Farnham, wearing their sterilised gowns and gloves, took their +places. There was no conversation. The only sounds were an occasional +sigh from the patient, a direction given in a low tone, and, at +intervals, the click of the knives and scalpel. From outside the window +came the persistent chirping of a band of sparrows. + +Promptly the operation was begun; there was no delay, no hesitation; +what there was to be done had been carefully planned beforehand, even to +the minutest details. Street, a master of his profession, thoroughly +familiar with every difficulty that might present itself during the +course of the work in hand, foreseeing every contingency, prepared for +every emergency, calm, watchful, self-contained, set about the exsecting +of the joint with no trace of compunction, no embarrassment, no +misgiving. His assistants, as well as he himself, knew that life or +death hung upon the issue of the next ten minutes. Upon Street alone +devolved the life of the little girl. A second's hesitation at the wrong +stage of the operation, a slip of bistoury or scalpel, a tremor of the +wrist, a single instant's clumsiness of the fingers, and the +Enemy--watching for every chance, intent for every momentarily opened +chink or cranny wherein he could thrust his lean fingers--entered the +frail tenement with a leap, a rushing, headlong spring that jarred the +house of life to its foundations. Lowering close over her head Lloyd +felt the shadow of his approach. He had arrived there in that +commonplace little room, with its commonplace accessories, its +ornaments, that suddenly seemed so trivial, so impertinent--the stopped +French clock, with its simpering, gilded cupids, on the mantelpiece; the +photograph of a number of picnickers "grouped" on a hotel piazza gazing +with monolithic cheerfulness at this grim business, this struggle of the +two world forces, this crisis in a life. + +Then abruptly the operation was over. + +The nurse and surgeons eased their positions immediately, drawing long +breaths. They began to talk, commenting upon the operation, and Lloyd, +intensely interested, asked Street why he had, contrary to her +expectations, removed the bone above the lesser trochanter. He smiled, +delighted at her intelligence. + +"It's better than cutting through the neck, Miss Searight," he told her. +"If I had gone through the neck, don't you see, the trochanter major +would come over the hole and prevent the discharges." + +"Yes, yes, I see, of course," assented Lloyd. + +The incision was sewn up, and when all was over Lloyd carried Hattie +back to the bed in the next room. Slowly the little girl regained +consciousness, and Lloyd began to regard her once more as a human being. +During the operation she had forgotten the very existence of Hattie +Campbell, a little girl she knew. She had only seen a bit of mechanism +out of order and in the hands of a repairer. It was always so with +Lloyd. Her charges were not infrequently persons whom she knew, often +intimately, but during the time of their sickness their personalities +vanished for the trained nurse; she saw only the "case," only the +mechanism, only the deranged clockwork in imminent danger of running +down. + +But the danger was by no means over. The operation had been near the +trunk. There had been considerable loss of blood, and the child's power +of resistance had been weakened by long periods of suffering. Lloyd +feared that the shock might prove too great. Farnham departed, but for a +little while the surgeon remained with Lloyd to watch the symptoms. At +length, however, he too, pressed for time, and expected at one of the +larger hospitals of the City, went away, leaving directions for Lloyd to +telephone him in case of the slightest change. At this hour, late in the +afternoon, there were no indications that the little girl would not +recover from the shock. Street believed she would rally and ultimately +regain her health. + +"But," he told Lloyd as he bade her good-bye, "I don't need to impress +upon you the need of care and the greatest vigilance; absolute rest is +the only thing; she must see nobody, not even her father. The whole +system is numbed and deadened just yet, but there will be a change +either for better or worse some time to-night." + +For thirty-six hours Lloyd had not closed an eye, but of that she had no +thought. Her supper was sent up to her, and she prepared herself for her +night's watch. She gave the child such nourishment as she believed she +could stand, and from time to time took her pulse, making records of it +upon her chart for the surgeon's inspection later on. At intervals she +took Hattie's temperature, placing the clinical thermometer in the +armpit. Toward nine in the evening, while she was doing this for the +third time within the hour, one of the house servants came to the room +to inform her that she was wanted on the telephone. Lloyd hesitated, +unwilling to leave Hattie for an instant. However, the telephone was +close at hand, and it was quite possible that Dr. Street had rung her up +to ask for news. + +But it was the agency that had called, and Miss Douglass informed her +that a telegram had arrived there for her a few moments before. Should +she hold it or send it to her by Rownie? Lloyd reflected a moment. + +"Oh--open it and read it to me," she said. "It's a call, isn't +it?--or--no; send it here by Rownie, and send my hospital slippers with +her, the ones without heels. But don't ring up again to-night; we're +expecting a crisis almost any moment." + +Lloyd returned to the sick-room, sent away the servant, and once more +settled herself for the night. Hattie had roused for a moment. + +"Am I going to get well, am I going to get well, Miss Searight?" + +Lloyd put her finger to her lips, nodding her head, and Hattie closed +her eyes again with a long breath. A certain great tenderness and +compassion for the little girl grew big in Lloyd's heart. To herself she +said: + +"God helping me, you shall get well. They believe in me, these +people--'If any one could pull us through it would be Miss Searight.' We +will 'pull through,' yes, for I'll do it." + +The night closed down, dark and still and very hot. Lloyd, regulating +the sick-room's ventilation, opened one of the windows from the top. The +noises of the City steadily decreasing as the hours passed, reached her +ears in a subdued, droning murmur. On her bed, that had for so long been +her bed of pain, Hattie lay with closed eyes, inert, motionless, hardly +seeming to breathe, her life in the balance; unhappy little invalid, +wasted with suffering, with drawn, pinched face and bloodless lips, and +at her side Lloyd, her dull-blue eyes never leaving her patient's face, +alert and vigilant, despite her long wakefulness, her great bronze-red +flame of hair rolling from her forehead and temples, the sombre glow in +her cheeks no whit diminished by her day of fatigue, of responsibility +and untiring activity. + +For the time being she could thrust her fear, the relentless Enemy that +for so long had hung upon her heels, back and away from her. There was +another Enemy now to fight--or was it another--was it not the same +Enemy, the very same, whose shadow loomed across that sick-bed, across +the frail, small body and pale, drawn face? + +With her pity and compassion for the sick child there arose in Lloyd a +certain unreasoned, intuitive obstinacy, a banding together of all her +powers and faculties in one great effort at resistance, a steadfastness +under great stress, a stubbornness, that shut its ears and eyes. It was +her one dominant characteristic rising up, strong and insistent the +instant she knew herself to be thwarted in her desires or checked in a +course she believed to be right and good. And now as she felt the +advance of the Enemy and saw the shadow growing darker across the bed +her obstinacy hardened like tempered steel. + +"No," she murmured, her brows levelled, her lips compressed, "she shall +not die. I will not let her go." + +A little later, perhaps an hour after midnight, at a time when she +believed Hattie to be asleep, Lloyd, watchful as ever, noted that her +cheeks began alternately to puff out and contract with her breathing. In +an instant the nurse was on her feet. She knew the meaning of this sign. +Hattie had fainted while asleep. Lloyd took the temperature. It was +falling rapidly. The pulse was weak, rapid, and irregular. It seemed +impossible for Hattie to take a deep breath. + +Then swiftly the expected crisis began to develop itself. Lloyd ordered +Street to be sent for, but only as a matter of form. Long before he +could arrive the issue would be decided. She knew that now Hattie's life +depended on herself alone. + +"Now," she murmured, as though the Enemy she fought could hear her, "now +let us see who is the stronger. You or I." + +Swiftly and gently she drew the bed from the wall and raised its foot, +propping it in position with half a dozen books. Then, while waiting for +the servants, whom she had despatched for hot blankets, administered a +hypodermic injection of brandy. + +"We will pull you through," she kept saying to herself, "we will pull +you through. I shall not let you go." + +The Enemy was close now, and the fight was hand to hand. Lloyd could +almost feel, physically, actually, feel the slow, sullen, resistless +pull that little by little was dragging Hattie's life from her grip. She +set her teeth, holding back with all her might, bracing herself against +the strain, refusing with all inborn stubbornness to yield her position. + +"No--no," she repeated to herself, "you shall not have her. I will not +give her up; you shall not triumph over me." + +Campbell was in the room, warned by the ominous coming and going of +hushed footsteps. + +"What is the use, nurse? It's all over. Let her die in peace. It's too +cruel; let her die in peace." + +The half-hour passed, then the hour. Once more Lloyd administered +hypodermically the second dose of brandy. Campbell, unable to bear the +sight, had withdrawn to the adjoining room, where he could be heard +pacing the floor. From time to time he came back for a moment, +whispering: + +"Will she live, nurse? Will she live? Shall we pull her through?" + +"I don't know," Lloyd told him. "I don't know. Wait. Go back. I will let +you know." + +Another fifteen minutes passed. Lloyd fancied that the heart's action +was growing a little stronger. A great stillness had settled over the +house. The two servants waiting Lloyd's orders in the hall outside the +door refrained even from whispering. From the next room came the muffled +sound of pacing footsteps, hurried, irregular, while with that strange +perversity which seizes upon the senses at moments when they are more +than usually acute Lloyd began to be aware of a vague, unwonted movement +in the City itself, outside there behind the drawn curtains and +half-opened window--a faint, uncertain agitation, a trouble, a passing +ripple on the still black pool of the night, coming and going, and +coming again, each time a little more insistent, each time claiming a +little more attention and notice. It was about half past three o'clock. +But the little patient's temperature was rising--there could be no doubt +about that. The lungs expanded wider and deeper. Hattie's breathing was +unmistakably easier; and as Lloyd put her fingers to the wrist she could +hardly keep back a little exultant cry as she felt the pulse throbbing +fuller, a little slower, a little more regularly. Now she redoubled her +attention. Her hold upon the little life shut tighter; her power of +resistance, her strength of purpose, seemed to be suddenly quadrupled. +She could imagine the Enemy drawing off; she could think that the grip +of cold fingers was loosening. + +Slowly the crisis passed off, slowly the reaction began. Hattie was +still unconscious, but there was a new look upon her face--a look that +Lloyd had learned to know from long experience, an intangible and most +illusive expression, nothing, something, the sign that only those who +are trained to search for it may see and appreciate--the earliest faint +flicker after the passing of the shadow. + +"Will she live, will she live, nurse?" came Mr. Campbell's whisper at +her shoulder. + +"I think--I am almost sure--but we must not be too certain yet. Still +there's a chance; yes, there's a chance." + +Campbell, suddenly gone white, put out his hand and leaned a moment +against the mantelpiece. He did not now leave the room. The door-bell +rang. + +"Dr. Street," murmured Lloyd. + +But what had happened in the City? There in the still dark hours of that +hot summer night an event of national, perhaps even international, +importance had surely transpired. It was in the air--a sense of a Great +Thing come suddenly to a head somewhere in the world. Footsteps sounded +rapidly on the echoing sidewalks. Here and there a street door opened. +From corner to corner, growing swiftly nearer, came the cry of newsboys +chanting extras. A subdued excitement was abroad, finding expression in +a vague murmur, the mingling of many sounds into one huge note--a note +that gradually swelled and grew louder and seemed to be rising from all +corners of the City at once. + +There was a step at the sick-room door. Dr. Street? No, Rownie--Rownie +with two telegrams for Lloyd. + +Lloyd took them from her, then with a sharp, brusque movement of her +head and suddenly smitten with an idea, turned from them to listen to +the low, swelling murmur of the City. These despatches--no, they were no +"call" for her. She guessed what they might be. Why had they come to her +now? Why was there this sense of some great tidings in the wind? The +same tidings that had come to the world might come to her--in these +despatches. Might it not be so? She caught her breath quickly. The +terror, the fearful anxiety that had haunted and oppressed her for so +long, was it to be lifted now at last? The Enemy that lurked in the dark +corners, ever ready to clutch her, was it to be driven back and away +from her forever? She dared not hope for it. But something was coming to +her; she knew it, she felt it; something was preparing for her, coming +to her swifter with every second--coming, coming, coming from out the +north. She saw Dr. Street in the room, though how and when he had +arrived she could not afterward recall. Her mind was all alert, intent +upon other things, listening, waiting. The surgeon had been leaning over +the bed. Suddenly he straightened up, saying aloud to Campbell: + +"Good, good, we're safe. We have pulled through." + +Lloyd tore open her telegrams. One was signed "Bennett," the other +"Ferriss." + +"Thank God!" exclaimed Mr. Campbell. + +"Oh," cried Lloyd, a great sob shaking her from head to heel, a smile of +infinite happiness flashing from her face. "Oh--yes, thank God, we--we +_have_ pulled through." + +"Am I going to get well, am I going to get well, Miss Searight?" Hattie, +once more conscious, raised her voice weak and faint. + +Lloyd was on her knees beside her, her head bent over her. + +"Hush; yes, dear, you are safe." Then the royal bronze-red hair bent +lower still. The dull-blue eyes were streaming now, the voice one low +quiver of sobs. Tenderly, gently Lloyd put an arm about the child, her +head bending lower and lower. Her cheek touched Hattie's. For a moment +the little girl, frail, worn, pitifully wasted, and the strong, vigorous +woman, with her imperious will and indomitable purpose, rested their +heads upon the same pillow, both broken with suffering, the one of the +body, the other of the mind. + +"Safe; yes, dear, safe," whispered Lloyd, her face all but hidden. +"Safe, safe, and saved to me. Oh, dearest of all the world!" + +And then to her ears the murmur of the City seemed to leap suddenly to +articulate words, the clanging thunder of the entire nation--the whole +round world thrilling with this great news that had come to it from out +the north in the small hours of this hot summer's night. And the +chanting cries of the street rolled to her like the tremendous diapason +of a gigantic organ: + +"Rescued, rescued, rescued!" + + + + +IV. + + +On the day that Lloyd returned to the house on Calumet Square (Hattie's +recovery being long since assured), and while she was unpacking her +valise and settling herself again in her room, a messenger boy brought +her a note. + +"Have just arrived in the City. When may I see you? BENNETT." + +News of Ward Bennett and of Richard Ferriss had not been wanting during +the past fortnight or so. Their names and that of the ship herself, even +the names of Adler, Hansen, Clarke, and Dennison, even Muck Tu, even +that of Kamiska, the one surviving dog, filled the mouths and minds of +men to the exclusion of everything else. + +The return of the expedition after its long imprisonment in the ice and +at a time when all hope of its safety had been abandoned was one of the +great events of that year. The fact that the expedition had failed to +reach the Pole, or to attain any unusual high latitude, was forgotten or +ignored. Nothing was remembered but the masterly retreat toward +Kolyuchin Bay, the wonderful march over the ice, the indomitable +courage, unshaken by hardship, perils, obstacles, and privations almost +beyond imagination. All this, together with a multitude of details, some +of them palpably fictitious, the press of the City where Bennett and +Ferriss both had their homes published and republished and published +again and again. News of the men, their whereabouts and intentions, +invaded the sick-room--where Lloyd watched over the convalescence of her +little patient--by the very chinks of the windows. + +Lloyd learned how the ship had been "nipped;" how, after inconceivable +toil, the members of the expedition had gained the land; how they had +marched southward toward the Chuckch settlements; how, at the eleventh +hour, the survivors, exhausted and starving, had been rescued by the +steam whalers; how these whalers themselves had been caught in the ice, +and how the survivors of the Freja had been obliged to spend another +winter in the Arctic. She learned the details of their final return. In +the quiet, darkened room where Hattie lay she heard from without the +echo of the thunder of the nations; she saw how the figure of Bennett +towered suddenly magnificent in the world; how that the people were +brusquely made aware of a new hero. She learned that honours came +thronging about him unsought; that the King of the Belgians had +conferred a decoration upon him; that the geographical societies of +continental Europe had elected him to honourary membership; that the +President and the Secretary of War had sent telegrams of +congratulations. + +"And what does he do," she murmured, "the first of all upon his return? +Asks to see me--me!" + +She sent an answer to his note by the same boy who brought it, naming +the following afternoon, explaining that two days later she expected to +go into the country to a little town called Bannister to take her annual +fortnight's vacation. + +"But what of--of the other?" she murmured as she stood at the window of +her room watching the messenger boy bicycling across the square. "Why +does not he--he, too--?" + +She put her chin in the air and turned about, looking abstractedly at +the rugs on the parquetry. + +Lloyd's vacation had really begun two days before. Her name was off the +roster of the house, and till the end of the month her time was her own. +The afternoon was hot and very still. Even in the cool, stone-built +agency, with its windows wide and heavily shaded with awnings, the heat +was oppressive. For a long time Lloyd had been shut away from fresh air +and the sun, and now she suddenly decided to drive out in the City's +park. She rang up her stable and ordered Lewis to put her ponies to her +phaeton. + +She spent a delightful two hours in the great park, losing herself in +its farthest, shadiest, and most unfrequented corners. She drove +herself, and intelligently. Horses were her passion, and not Lewis +himself understood their care and management better. Toward the cool of +the day and just as she had pulled the ponies down to a walk in a long, +deserted avenue overspanned with elms and great cottonwoods she was all +at once aware of an open carriage that had turned into the far end of +the same avenue approaching at an easy trot. It drew near, and she saw +that its only occupant was a man leaning back rather limply in the +cushions. As the eye of the trained nurse fell upon him she at once +placed him in the category of convalescents or chronic invalids, and she +was vaguely speculating as to the nature of his complaint when the +carriage drew opposite her phaeton, and she recognised Richard Ferriss. + +Ferriss, but not the same Ferriss to whom she had said good-bye on that +never-to-be-forgotten March afternoon, with its gusts and rain, four +long years ago. The Ferriss she had known then had been an alert, keen +man, with quick, bright eyes, alive to every impression, responsive to +every sensation, living his full allowance of life. She was looking now +at a man unnaturally old, of deadened nerves, listless. As he caught +sight of her and recognised her he suddenly roused himself with a quick, +glad smile and with a look in his eyes that to Lloyd was unmistakable. +But there was not that joyful, exuberant start she had anticipated, and, +for that matter, wished. Neither did Lloyd set any too great store by +the small amenities of life, but that Ferriss should remain covered hurt +her a little. She wondered how she could note so trivial a detail at +such a moment. But this was Ferriss. + +Her heart was beating fast and thick as she halted her ponies. The +driver of the carriage jumped down and held the door for Ferriss, and +the chief engineer stepped quickly toward her. + +So it was they met after four years--and such years--unexpectedly, +without warning or preparation, and not at all as she had expected. What +they said to each other in those first few moments Lloyd could never +afterward clearly remember. One incident alone detached itself vividly +from the blur. + +"I have just come from the square," Ferriss had explained, "and they +told me that you had left for a drive out here only the moment before, +so there was nothing for it but to come after you." + +"Shan't we walk a little?" she remembered she had asked after a while. +"We can have the carriages wait; or do you feel strong enough? I +forgot--" + +But he interrupted her, protesting his fitness. + +"The doctor merely sent me out to get the air, and it's humiliating to +be wheeled about like an old woman." + +Lloyd passed the reins back of her to Lewis, and, gathering her skirts +about her, started to descend from the phaeton. The step was rather high +from the ground. Ferriss stood close by. Why did he not help her? Why +did he stand there, his hands in his pockets, so listless and +unconscious of her difficulty. A little glow of irritation deepened the +dull crimson of her cheeks. Even returned Arctic explorers could not +afford to ignore entirely life's little courtesies--and he of all men. + +"Well," she said, expectantly hesitating before attempting to descend. + +Then she caught Ferriss's eyes fixed upon her. He was smiling a little, +but the dull, stupefied expression of his face seemed for a brief +instant to give place to one of great sadness. He raised a shoulder +resignedly, and Lloyd, with the suddenness of a blow, remembered that +Ferriss had no hands. + +She dropped back in the seat of the phaeton, covering her eyes, shaken +and unnerved for the moment with a great thrill of infinite pity--of +shame at her own awkwardness, and of horror as for one brief instant the +smiling summer park, the afternoon's warmth, the avenue of green, +over-arching trees, the trim, lacquered vehicles and glossy-brown horses +were struck from her mind, and she had a swift vision of the Ice, the +darkness of the winter night, the lacerating, merciless cold, the +blinding, whirling, dust-like snow. + +For half an hour they walked slowly about in the park, the carriages +following at a distance. They did not talk very much. It seemed to Lloyd +that she would never tire of scrutinising his face, that her interest in +his point of view, his opinions, would never flag. He had had an +experience that came but to few men. For four years he had been out of +the world, had undergone privation beyond conception. What now was to be +his attitude? How had he changed? That he had not changed to her Lloyd +knew in an instant. He still loved her; that was beyond all doubt. But +this terrible apathy that seemed now to be a part of him! She had heard +of the numbing stupor that invades those who stay beyond their time in +the Ice, but never before had she seen it in its reality. It was not a +lack of intelligence; it seemed rather to be the machinery of +intelligence rusted and clogged from long disuse. He deliberated long +before he spoke. It took him some time to understand things. Speech did +not come to him readily, and he became easily confused in the matter of +words. Once, suddenly, he had interrupted her, breaking out with: + +"Oh, the smell of the trees, of the grass! Isn't it wonderful; isn't it +wonderful?" And a few seconds later, quite irrelevantly: "And, after +all, we failed." + +At once Lloyd was all aroused, defending him against himself. + +"Failed! And you say that? If you did not reach the Pole, what then? The +world will judge you by results perhaps, and the world's judgment will +be wrong. Is it nothing that you have given the world an example of +heroism--" + +"Oh, don't call it that." + +"Of heroism, of courage, of endurance? Is it nothing that you have +overcome obstacles before which other men would have died? Is it nothing +that you have shown us all how to be patient, how to be strong? There +are some things better even than reaching the Pole. To suffer and be +calm is one of them; not to give up--never to be beaten--is another. Oh, +if I were a man! Ten thousand, a hundred thousand people are reading +to-night of what you have done--of what you have done, you understand, +not of what you have failed to do. They have seen--you have shown them +what the man can do who says _I will_, and you have done a little more, +have gone a little further, have been a little braver, a little hardier, +a little nobler, a little more determined than any one has ever been +before. Whoever fails now cannot excuse himself by saying that he has +done as much as a man can do. He will have to remember the men of the +Freja. He will have to remember you. Don't you suppose I am proud of +you; don't you suppose that I am stronger and better because of what you +have done? Do you think it is nothing for me to be sitting here beside +you, here in this park--to be--yes, to be with you? Can't you +understand? Isn't it something to me that you are the man you are; not +the man whose name the people are shouting just now, not the man to whom +a king gave a bit of ribbon and enamel, but the man who lived like a +man, who would not die just because it was easier to die than to live, +who fought like a man, not only for himself but for the lives of those +he led, who showed us all how to be strong, and how strong one could be +if one would only try? What does the Pole amount to? The world wants +men, great, strong, harsh, brutal men--men with purposes, who let +nothing, nothing, nothing stand in their way." + +"You mean Bennett," said Ferriss, looking up quickly. "You commenced by +speaking of me, but it's Bennett you are talking of now." + +But he caught her glance and saw that she was looking steadfastly at +him--at him. A look was in her face, a light in her dull-blue eyes, that +he had never seen there before. + +"Lloyd," he said quietly, "which one of us, Bennett or I, were you +speaking of just then? You know what I mean; which one of us?" + +"I was speaking of the man who was strong enough to do great things," +she said. + +Ferriss drew the stumps of his arms from his pockets and smiled at them +grimly. + +"H'm, can one do much--this way?" he muttered. + +With a movement she did not try to restrain Lloyd put both her hands +over his poor, shapeless wrists. Never in her life had she been so +strongly moved. Pity, such as she had never known, a tenderness and +compassion such as she had never experienced, went knocking at her +breast. She had no words at hand for so great emotions. She longed to +tell him what was in her heart, but all speech failed. + +"Don't!" she exclaimed. "Don't! I will not have you." + +A little later, as they were returning toward the carriages, Lloyd, +after a moment's deliberation upon the matter, said: + +"Can't I set you down somewhere near your rooms? Let your carriage go." + +He shook his head: "I've just given up my downtown rooms. Bennett and I +have taken other rooms much farther uptown. In fact, I believe I am +supposed to be going there now. It would be quite out of your way to +take me there. We are much quieter out there, and people can't get at us +so readily. The doctor says we both need rest after our shaking up. +Bennett himself--iron as he is--is none too strong, and what with the +mail, the telegrams, reporters, deputations, editors, and visitors, and +the like, we are kept on something of a strain. Besides we have still a +good deal of work to do getting our notes into shape." + +Lewis brought the ponies to the edge of the walk, and Lloyd and Ferriss +separated, she turning the ponies' heads homeward, starting away at a +brisk trot, and leaving him in his carriage, which he had directed to +carry him to his new quarters. + +But at the turn of the avenue Lloyd leaned from the phaeton and looked +back. The carriage was just disappearing down the vista of elms and +cottonwoods. She waved her hand gayly, and Ferriss responded with the +stump of one forearm. + +On the next day but one, a Friday, Lloyd was to go to the country. Every +year in the heat of the summer Lloyd spent her short vacation in the +sleepy and old-fashioned little village of Bannister. The country around +the village was part of the Searight estate. It was quiet, off the +railroad, just the place to forget duties, responsibilities, and the +wearing anxieties of sick-rooms. But Thursday afternoon she expected +Bennett. + +Thursday morning she was in her room. Her trunk was already packed. +There was nothing more to be done. She was off duty. There was neither +care nor responsibility upon her mind. But she was too joyful, too +happily exalted, too exuberant in gayety to pass her time in reading. +She wanted action, movement, life, and instinctively threw open a window +of her room, and, according to her habit, leaned upon her elbows and +looked out and down upon the square. The morning was charming. Later in +the day it probably would be very hot, but as yet the breeze of the +earliest hours was stirring nimbly. The cool of it put a brisker note in +the sombre glow of her cheeks, and just stirred a lock that, escaping +from her gorgeous coils of dark-red hair, hung curling over her ear and +neck. Into her eyes of dull blue--like the blue of old china--the +morning's sun sent an occasional unwonted sparkle. Over the asphalt and +over the green grass-plots of the square the shadows of the venerable +elms wove a shifting maze of tracery. Traffic avoided the place. It was +invariably quiet in the square, and one--as now--could always hear the +subdued ripple and murmur of the fountain in the centre. + +But the crowning delight of that morning was the sudden appearance of a +robin in a tree close to Lloyd's window. He was searching his breakfast. +At every moment he came and went between the tree-tops and the +grass-plots, very important, very preoccupied, chittering and calling +the while, as though he would never tire. Lloyd whistled to him, and +instantly he answered, cocking his head sideways. She whistled again, +and he piped back an impudent response, and for quite five minutes the +two held an elaborate altercation between tree-top and window-ledge. +Lloyd caught herself laughing outright and aloud for no assignable +reason. "Ah, the world was a pretty good place after all!" + +A little later, and while she was still at the window, Rownie brought +her a note from Bennett, sent by special messenger. + +"Ferriss woke up sick this morning. Nobody here but the two of us; +can't leave him alone. BENNETT." + +"Oh!" exclaimed Lloyd Searight a little blankly. + +The robin and his effrontery at once ceased to be amusing. She closed +the window abruptly, shutting out the summer morning's gayety and charm, +turning her back upon the sunlight. + +Now she was more in the humour of reading. On the great divan against +the wall lay the month's magazines and two illustrated weeklies. Lloyd +had bought them to read on the train. But now she settled herself upon +the divan and, picking up one of the weeklies, turned its leaves +listlessly. All at once she came upon two pictures admirably reproduced +from photographs, and serving as illustrations to the weekly's main +article--"The Two Leaders of the Freja Expedition." One was a picture of +Bennett, the other of Ferriss. + +The suddenness with which she had come upon his likeness almost took +Lloyd's breath from her. It was the last thing she had expected. If he +himself had abruptly entered the room in person she could hardly have +been more surprised. Her heart gave a great leap, the dull crimson of +her cheeks shot to her forehead. Then, with a charming movement, at once +impulsive and shamefaced, smiling the while, her eyes half-closing, she +laid her cheek upon the picture, murmuring to herself words that only +herself should hear. The next day she left for the country. + +On that same day when Dr. Pitts arrived at the rooms Ferriss and Bennett +had taken he found the anteroom already crowded with visitors--a knot of +interviewers, the manager of a lecture bureau, as well as the agent of a +patented cereal (who sought the man of the hour for an endorsement of +his article), and two female reporters. + +Decidedly Richard Ferriss was ill; there could be no doubt about that. +Bennett had not slept the night before, but had gone to and fro about +the rooms tending to his wants with a solicitude and a gentleness that +in a man so harsh and so toughly fibred seemed strangely out of place. +Bennett was far from well himself. The terrible milling which he had +undergone had told even upon that enormous frame, but his own ailments +were promptly ignored now that Ferriss, the man of all men to him, was +"down." + +"I didn't pull through with you, old man," he responded to all of +Ferriss's protests, "to have you get sick on my hands at this time of +day. No more of your damned foolishness now. Here's the quinine. Down +with it!" + +Bennett met Pitts at the door of Ferriss's room, and before going in +drew him into a corner. + +"He's a sick boy, Pitts, and is going to be worse, though he's just +enough of a fool boy not to admit it. I've seen them start off this gait +before. Remember, too, when you look him over that it's not as though he +had been in a healthy condition before. Our work in the ice ground him +down about as fine as he could go and yet live, and the hardtack and +salt pork on the steam whalers were not a good diet for a convalescent. +And see here, Pitts," said Bennett, clearing his throat, "I--well, I'm +rather fond of that fool boy in there. We are not taking any chances, +you understand." + +After the doctor had seen the chief engineer and had prescribed calomel +and a milk diet, Bennett followed him out into the hall and accompanied +him to the door. + +"Verdict?" he demanded, fixing the physician intently with his small, +distorted eyes. But Pitts was non-committal. + +"Yes, he's a sick boy, but the thing, whatever it is going to be, has +been gathering slowly. He complains of headache, great weakness and +nausea, and you speak of frequent nose-bleeds during the night. The +abdomen is tender upon pressure, which is a symptom I would rather not +have found. But I can't make any positive diagnosis as yet. Some big +sickness is coming on--that, I am afraid, is certain. I shall come out +here to-morrow. But, Mr. Bennett, be careful of yourself. Even steel can +weaken, you know. You see this rabble" (he motioned with his head toward +the anteroom, where the other visitors were waiting) "that is hounding +you? Everybody knows where you are. Man, you must have rest. I don't +need to look at you more than once to know that. Get away! Get away even +from your mails! Hide from everybody for a while! Don't think you can +nurse your friend through these next few weeks, because you can't." + +"Well," answered Bennett, "wait a few days. We'll see by the end of the +week." + +The week passed. Ferriss went gradually from bad to worse, though as yet +the disease persistently refused to declare itself. He was quite +helpless, and Bennett watched over him night and day, pottering around +him by the hour, giving him his medicines, cooking his food, and even +when Ferriss complained of the hotness of the bedclothes, changing the +very linen that he might lie upon cool sheets. But at the end of the +week Dr. Pitts declared that Bennett himself was in great danger of +breaking down, and was of no great service to the sick man. + +"To-morrow," said the doctor, "I shall have a young fellow here who +happens to be a cousin of mine. He is an excellent trained nurse, a +fellow we can rely upon. He'll take your place. I'll have him here +to-morrow, and you must get away. Hide somewhere. Don't even allow your +mail to be forwarded. The nurse and I will take care of Mr. Ferriss. You +can leave me your address, and I will wire you if it is necessary. Now +be persuaded like a reasonable man. I will stake my professional +reputation that you will knock under if you stay here with a sick man on +your hands and newspaper men taking the house by storm at all hours of +the day. Come now, will you go? Mr. Ferriss is in no danger, and you +will do him more harm by staying than by going. So long as you remain +here you will have this raft of people in the rooms at all hours. Deny +yourself! Keep them out! Keep out the American reporter when he goes +gunning for a returned explorer! Do you think this," and he pointed +again to the crowd in the anteroom, "is the right condition for a sick +man's quarters? You are imperilling his safety, to say nothing of your +own, by staying beside him--you draw the fire, Mr. Bennett." + +"Well, there's something in that," muttered Bennett, pulling at his +mustache. "But--" Bennett hesitated, then: "Pitts, I want you to take my +place here if I go away. Have a nurse if you like, but I shouldn't feel +justified in leaving the boy in his condition unless I knew you were +with him continually. I don't know what your practice is worth to you, +say for a month, or until the boy is out of danger, but make me a +proposition. I think we can come to an understanding." + +"But it won't be necessary to have a doctor with Mr. Ferriss constantly. +I should see him every day and the nurse--" + +Bennett promptly overrode his objections. Harshly and abruptly he +exclaimed: "I'm not taking any chances. It shall be as I say. I want the +boy well, and I want you and the nurse to see to it that he _gets_ well. +I'll meet the expenses." + +Bennett did not hear the doctor's response and his suggestion as to the +advisability of taking Ferriss to his own house in the country while he +could be moved. For the moment he was not listening. An idea had +abruptly presented itself to him. He was to go to the country. But +where? A grim smile began to relax the close-gripped lips and the hard +set of the protruding jaw. He tugged again at his mustache, scowling at +the doctor, trying to hide his humour. + +"Well, that's settled then," he said; "I'll get away +to-morrow--somewhere." + +"Whereabouts?" demanded the doctor. "I shall want to let you know how we +progress." + +Bennett chose to feel a certain irritation. What business of Pitts was +it whom he went to see, or, rather, where he meant to go? + +"You told me to hide away from everybody, not even to allow my mail to +be forwarded. But I'll let you know where to reach me, of course, as +soon as I get there. It won't be far from town." + +"And I will take your place here with Mr. Ferriss; somebody will be with +him at every moment, and I shall only wire you," continued the doctor, +"in case of urgent necessity. I want you to have all the rest you can, +and stay away as long as possible. I shan't annoy you with telegrams +unless I must. You'll understand that no news is good news." + + * * * * * + +On that particular morning Lloyd sat in her room in the old farmhouse +that she always elected to call her home as often as she visited +Bannister. It was some quarter of a mile outside the little village, and +on the road that connected it with the railway at Fourth Lake, some six +miles over the hills to the east. It was yet early in the morning, and +Lloyd was writing letters that she would post at Fourth Lake later in +the forenoon. She intended driving over to the lake. Two days before, +Lewis had arrived with Rox, the ponies and the phaeton. Lloyd's +dog-cart, a very gorgeous, high-wheeled affair, was always kept at +Bannister. + +The room in which she now sat was delightful. Everything was white, from +the curtains of the bed to the chintz hangings on the walls. A rug of +white fur was on the floor. The panellings and wooden shutters of the +windows were painted white. The fireplace was set in glossy-white tiles, +and its opening covered with a screen of white feathers. The windows +were flung wide, and a great flood of white sunlight came pouring into +the room. Lloyd herself was dressed in white, from the clean, crisp +scarf tied about her neck to the tip of her canvas tennis shoes. And in +all this array of white only the dull-red flame of her high-piled +hair--in the sunshine glowing like burnished copper--set a vivid note of +colour, the little strands and locks about her neck and ears coruscating +as the breeze from the open windows stirred them. + +The morning was veritably royal--still, cool, and odorous of woods and +cattle and growing grass. A great sense of gayety, of exhilaration, was +in the air. Lloyd was all in tune with it. While she wrote her left +elbow rested on the table, and in her left hand she held a huge, green +apple, unripe, sour, delicious beyond words, and into which she bit from +time to time with the silent enjoyment of a school-girl. + +Her letter was to Hattie's father, Mr. Campbell, and she wrote to ask if +the little girl might not spend a week with her at Bannister. When the +letter was finished and addressed she thrust it into her belt, and, +putting on her hat, ran downstairs. Lewis had brought the dog-cart to +the gate, and stood waiting in the road by Rox's head. But as Lloyd went +down the brick-paved walk of the front yard Mrs. Applegate, who owned +the farmhouse, and who was at once Lloyd's tenant, landlady, +housekeeper, and cook, appeared on the porch of the house, the head of a +fish in her hand, and Charley-Joe, the yellow tomcat, at her heels, +eyeing her with painful intentness. + +"Say, Miss Searight," she called, her forearm across her forehead to +shade her eyes, the hand still holding the fish's head, "say, while +you're out this morning will you keep an eye out for that dog of +our'n--you know, Dan--the one with liver'n white spots? He's run off +again--ain't seen him since yesterday noon. He gets away an' goes off +fighting other dogs over the whole blessed county. There ain't a dog big +'r little within ten mile that Dan ain't licked. He'd sooner fight than +he would eat, that dog." + +"I will, I will," answered Lloyd, climbing to the high seat, "and if I +find him I shall drag him back by the scruff of his neck. Good-morning, +Lewis. Why have you put the overhead check on Rox?" + +Lewis touched his cap. + +"He feels his oats some this morning, and if he gets his lower jaw agin' +his chest there's no holding of him, Miss--no holding of him in the +world." + +Lloyd gathered up the reins and spoke to the horse, and Lewis stood +aside. + +Rox promptly went up into the air on his hind legs, shaking his head +with a great snort. + +"Steady, you old pig," said Lloyd, calmly. "Soh, soh, who's trying to +kill you?" + +"Hadn't I better come with you, Miss?" inquired Lewis anxiously. + +Lloyd shook her head. "No, indeed," she said decisively. + +Rox, after vindicating his own independence by the proper amount of +showing off, started away down the road with as high an action as he +could command, playing to the gallery, looking back and out of the tail +of his eye to see if Lewis observed what a terrible fellow he was that +morning. + +"Well, of all the critters!" commented Mrs. Applegate from the porch. +But Charley-Joe, with an almost hypnotic fixity in his yellow eyes, and +who during the last few minutes had several times opened his mouth wide +in an ineffectual attempt to mew, suddenly found his voice with a +prolonged and complaining note. + +"Well, heavens an' airth, take your fish, then!" exclaimed Mrs. +Applegate suddenly, remembering the cat. "An' get off'n my porch with +it." She pushed him away with the side of her foot, and Charley-Joe, +with the fish's head in his teeth, retired around the corner of the +house by the rain barrel, where at intervals he could be heard growling +to himself in a high-pitched key, pretending the approach of some +terrible enemy. + +Meanwhile Lloyd, already well on her way, was having an exciting tussle +with Rox. The horse had begun by making an exhibition of himself for all +who could see, but in the end he had so worked upon his own nerves that +instead of frightening others he only succeeded in terrifying himself. +He was city-bred, and the sudden change from brick houses to open fields +had demoralised him. He began to have a dim consciousness of just how +strong he was. There was nothing vicious about him. He would not have +lowered himself to kick, but he did want, with all the big, strong heart +of him, to run. + +But back of him there--he felt it thrilling along the tense-drawn +reins--was a calm, powerful grip, even, steady, masterful. Turn his head +he could not, but he knew very well that Lloyd had taken a double twist +upon the reins, and that her hands, even if they were gloved in white, +were strong--strong enough to hold him to his work. And besides this--he +could tell it by the very feel of the bit--he knew that she did not take +him very seriously, that he could not make her afraid of him. He knew +that she could tell at once whether he shied because he was really +frightened or because he wanted to break the shaft, and that in the +latter case he would get the whip--and mercilessly, too--across his +haunch, a degradation, above all things, to be avoided. And she had +called him an old pig once already that morning. + +Lloyd drove on. She keenly enjoyed this struggle between the horse's +strength and her own determination, her own obstinacy. No, she would not +let Rox have his way; she would not allow him to triumph over her for a +single moment. She would neither be forced nor tricked into yielding a +single point however small. She would be mistress of the situation. + +By the end of half an hour she had him well in hand, and was bowling +smoothly along a level stretch of road at the foot of an abrupt rise of +land covered with scrub oak and broken with outcroppings of granite of a +curious formation. Just beyond here the road crossed the canal by a +narrow--in fact, a much too narrow--plank bridge without guard-rails. +The wide-axled dog-cart had just sufficient room on either hand, and +Lloyd, too good a whip to take chances with so nervous a horse as Rox, +drew him down to a walk as she approached it. But of a sudden her eyes +were arrested by a curious sight. She halted the cart. + +At the roadside, some fifty yards from the plank bridge, were two dogs. +Evidently there had just been a dreadful fight. Here and there a stone +was streaked with blood. The grass and smaller bushes were flattened +out, and tufts of hair were scattered about upon the ground. Of the two +dogs, Lloyd recognised one upon the instant. It was Dan, the "liver'n +white" fox-hound of the farmhouse--the fighter and terror of the +country. But he was lying upon his side now, the foreleg broken, or +rather crushed, as if in a vise; the throat torn open, the life-blood in +a great pool about his head. He was dead, or in the very throes of +death. Poor Dan, he had fought his last fight, had found more than his +match at last. + +Lloyd looked at the other dog--the victor; then looked at him a second +time and a third. + +"Well," she murmured, "that's a strange-looking dog." + +In fact, he was a curious animal. His broad, strong body was covered +with a brown fur as dense, as thick, and as soft as a wolf's; the ears +were pricked and pointed, the muzzle sharp, the eyes slant and beady. +The breast was disproportionately broad, the forelegs short and +apparently very powerful. Around his neck was a broad nickelled collar. + +But as Lloyd sat in the cart watching him he promptly demonstrated the +fact that his nature was as extraordinary as his looks. He turned again +from a momentary inspection of the intruders, sniffed once or twice at +his dead enemy, then suddenly began to eat him. + +Lloyd's gorge rose with anger and disgust. Even if Dan had been killed, +it had been in fair fight, and there could be no doubt that Dan himself +had been the aggressor. She could even feel a little respect for the +conqueror of the champion, but to turn upon the dead foe, now that the +heat of battle was past, and (in no spirit of hate or rage) deliberately +to eat him. What a horror! She took out her whip. + +"Shame on you!" she exclaimed. "Ugh! what a savage; I shan't allow you!" + +A farm-hand was coming across the plank bridge, and as he drew near the +cart Lloyd asked him to hold Rox for a moment. Rox was one of those +horses who, when standing still, are docile as a kitten, and she had no +hesitancy in leaving him with a man at his head. She jumped out, the +whip in her hand. Dan was beyond all help, but she wanted at least to +take his collar back to Mrs. Applegate. The strange dog permitted +himself to be driven off a little distance. Part of his strangeness +seemed to be that through it all he retained a certain placidity of +temper. There was no ferocity in his desire to eat Dan. + +"That's just what makes it so disgusting," said Lloyd, shaking her whip +at him. He sat down upon his haunches, eyeing her calmly, his tongue +lolling. When she had unbuckled Dan's collar and tossed it into the cart +under the seat she inquired of the farm-hand as to where the new dog +came from. + +"It beats me, Miss Searight," he answered; "never saw such a bird in +these parts before; t'other belongs down to Applegate's." + +"Come, let's have a look at you," said Lloyd, putting back the whip; +"let me see your collar." + +Disregarding the man's warning, she went up to the stranger, whistling +and holding out her hand, and he came up to her--a little suspiciously +at first, but in the end wagging his tail, willing to be friendly. Lloyd +parted the thick fur around his neck and turned the plate of the collar +to the light. On the plate was engraved: "Kamiska, Arctic S.S. 'Freja.' +Return to Ward Bennett." + +"Anything on the collar?" asked the man. + +Lloyd settled a hairpin in a coil of hair at the back of her neck. + +"Nothing--nothing that I can make out." + +She climbed into the cart again and dismissed the farm-hand with a +quarter. He disappeared around the turn of the road. But as she was +about to drive on, Lloyd heard a great clattering of stones upon the +hill above her, a crashing in the bushes, and a shrill whistle thrice +repeated. Kamiska started up at once, cocking alternate ears, then +turned about and ran up the hill to meet Ward Bennett, who came +scrambling down, jumping from one granite outcrop to another, holding on +the whiles by the lower branches of the scrub oak-trees. + +He was dressed as if for an outing, in knickerbockers and huge, +hob-nailed shoes. He wore an old shooting-coat and a woollen cap; a +little leather sack was slung from his shoulder, and in his hand he +carried a short-handled geologist's hammer. + +And then, after so long a time, Lloyd saw his face again--the rugged, +unhandsome face; the massive jaw, huge almost to deformity; the great, +brutal, indomitable lips; the square-cut chin with its forward, +aggressive thrust; the narrow forehead, seamed and contracted, and the +twinkling, keen eyes so marred by the cast, so heavily shadowed by the +shaggy eyebrows. When he spoke the voice came heavy and vibrant from the +great chest, a harsh, deep bass, a voice in which to command men, not a +voice in which to talk to women. + +Lloyd, long schooled to self-repression and the control of her emotions +when such repression and control were necessary, sat absolutely moveless +on her high seat, her hands only shutting tighter and tighter upon the +reins. She had often wondered how she would feel, what was to be her +dominant impulse, at such moments as these, and now she realised that it +was not so much joy, not so much excitement, as a resolute determination +not for one instant to lose her poise. + +She was thinking rapidly. For four years they had not met. At one time +she believed him to be dead. But in the end he had been saved, had come +back, and, ignoring the plaudits of an entire Christendom, had addressed +himself straight to her. For one of them, at least, this meeting was a +crisis. What would they first say to each other? how be equal to the +situation? how rise to its dramatic possibilities? But the moment had +come to them suddenly, had found them all unprepared. There was no time +to think of adequate words. Afterward, when she reviewed this encounter, +she told herself that they both had failed, and that if the meeting had +been faithfully reproduced upon the stage or in the pages of a novel it +would have seemed tame and commonplace. These two, living the actual +scene, with all the deep, strong, real emotions of them surging to the +surface, the vitality of them, all aroused and vibrating, suddenly +confronting actuality itself, were not even natural; were not even "true +to life." It was as though they had parted but a fortnight ago. + +Bennett caught his cap from his head and came toward her, exclaiming: + +"Miss Searight, I believe." + +And she, reaching her right hand over the left, that still held the +reins, leaned from her high seat, shaking hands with him and replying: + +"Well--Mr. Bennett, I'm so very glad to see you again. Where did you +come from?" + +"From the City--and from seventy-six degrees north latitude." + +"I congratulate you. We had almost given up hope of you." + +"Thank you," he answered. "We were not so roseate with hope +ourselves--all the time. But I have not felt as though I had really come +back until this--well, until I had reached--the road between Bannister +and Fourth Lake, for instance," and his face relaxed to its +characteristic grim smile. + +"You reached it too late, then," she responded. "Your dog has killed our +Dan, and, what is much worse, started to eat him. He's a perfect +savage." + +"Kamiska? Well," he added, reflectively, "it's my fault for setting her +a bad example. I ate her trace-mate, and was rather close to eating +Kamiska herself at one time. But I didn't come down here to talk about +that." + +"You are looking rather worn, Mr. Bennett." + +"I suppose. The doctor sent me into the country to call back the roses +to my pallid cheek. So I came down here--to geologise. I presume that +excuse will do as well as another." Then suddenly he cried: "Hello, +steady there; _quick_, Miss Searight!" + +It all came so abruptly that neither of them could afterward reconstruct +the scene with any degree of accuracy. Probably in scrambling down the +steep slope of the bank Bennett had loosened the earth or smaller stones +that hitherto had been barely sufficient support to the mass of earth, +gravel, rocks, and bushes that all at once, and with a sharp, crackling +noise, slid downward toward the road from the overhanging bank. The slip +was small, hardly more than three square yards of earth moving from its +place, but it came with a smart, quick rush, throwing up a cloud of dust +and scattering pebbles and hard clods of dirt far before its advance. + +As Rox leaped Lloyd threw her weight too suddenly on the reins, the +horse arched his neck, and the overhead check snapped like a +harp-string. Again he reared from the object of his terror, shaking his +head from side to side, trying to get a purchase on the bit. Then his +lower jaw settled against his chest, and all at once he realised that no +pair of human hands could hold him now. He did not rear again; his +haunches suddenly lowered, and with the hoofs of his hind feet he began +feeling the ground for his spring. But now Bennett was at his head, +gripping at the bit, striving to thrust him back. Lloyd, half risen from +her seat, each rein wrapped twice around her hands, her long, strong +arms at their fullest reach, held back against the horse with all her +might, her body swaying and jerking with his plunges. But the overhead +check once broken Lloyd might as well have pulled against a locomotive. +Bennett was a powerful man by nature, but his great strength had been +not a little sapped by his recent experiences. Between the instant his +hand caught at the bit and that in which Rox had made his first +ineffectual attempt to spring forward he recognised the inequality of +the contest. He could hold Rox back for a second or two, perhaps three, +then the horse would get away from him. He shot a glance about him. Not +twenty yards away was the canal and the perilously narrow bridge--the +bridge without the guard-rail. + +"Quick, Miss Searight!" he shouted. "Jump! We can't hold him. Quick, do +as I tell you, jump!" + +But even as he spoke Rox dragged him from his feet, his hoofs trampling +the hollow road till it reverberated like the roll of drums. Bracing +himself against every unevenness of the ground, his teeth set, his face +scarlet, the veins in his neck swelling, suddenly blue-black, Bennett +wrenched at the bit till the horse's mouth went bloody. But all to no +purpose; faster and faster Rox was escaping from his control. + +"Jump, I tell you!" he shouted again, looking over his shoulder; +"another second and he's away." + +Lloyd dropped the reins and turned to jump. But the lap-robe had slipped +down to the bottom of the cart when she had risen, and was in a tangle +about her feet. The cart was rocking like a ship in a storm. Twice she +tried to free herself, holding to the dashboard with one hand. Then the +cart suddenly lurched forward and she fell to her knees. Rox was off; it +was all over. + +Not quite. In one brief second of time--a hideous vision come and gone +between two breaths--Lloyd saw the fearful thing done there in the road, +almost within reach of her hand. She saw the man and horse at grapples, +the yellow reach of road that lay between her and the canal, the canal +itself, and the narrow bridge. Then she saw the short-handled +geologist's hammer gripped in Bennett's fist heave high in the air. Down +it came, swift, resistless, terrible--one blow. The cart tipped forward +as Rox, his knees bowing from under him, slowly collapsed. Then he +rolled upon the shaft that snapped under him, and the cart vibrated from +end to end as a long, shuddering tremble ran through him with his last +deep breath. + + + + +V. + + +When Lloyd at length managed to free herself and jump to the ground +Bennett came quickly toward her and drew her away to the side of the +road. + +"Are you hurt?" he demanded. "Tell me, are you hurt?" + +"No, no; not in the least." + +"Why in the world did you want to drive such a horse? Don't ever take +such chances again. I won't have it." + +For a few moments Lloyd was too excited to trust herself to talk, and +could only stand helplessly to one side, watching Bennett as he stripped +off the harness from the dead horse, stowed it away under the seat of +the cart, and rolled the cart itself to the edge of the road. Then at +length she said, trying to smile and to steady her voice: + +"It--it seems to me, Mr. Bennett, you do about--about as you like with +my sta-bub-ble." + +"Sit down!" he commanded, "you are trembling all over. Sit down on that +rock there." + +"--and with me," she added, sinking down upon the boulder he had +indicated with a movement of his head, his hands busy with the harness. + +"I'm sorry I had to do that," he explained; "but there was no help for +it--nothing else to do. He would have had you in the canal in another +second, if he did not kill you on the way there." + +"Poor old Rox," murmured Lloyd; "I was very fond of Rox." + +Bennett put himself in her way as she stepped forward. He had the +lap-robe over his arm and the whip in his hand. + +"No, don't look at him. He's not a pretty sight. Come, shall I take you +home? Don't worry about the cart; I will see that it is sent back." + +"And that Rox is buried--somewhere? I don't want him left out there for +the crows." In spite of Bennett's injunction she looked over her +shoulder for a moment as they started off down the road. "I only hope +you were sure there was nothing else to do, Mr. Bennett," she said. + +"There was no time to think," he answered, "and I wasn't taking any +chances." + +But the savagery of the whole affair stuck in Lloyd's imagination. There +was a primitiveness, a certain hideous simplicity in the way Bennett had +met the situation that filled her with wonder and with even a little +terror and mistrust of him. The vast, brutal directness of the deed was +out of place and incongruous at this end-of-the-century time. It ignored +two thousand years of civilisation. It was a harsh, clanging, brazen +note, powerful, uncomplicated, which came jangling in, discordant and +inharmonious with the tune of the age. It savoured of the days when men +fought the brutes with their hands or with their clubs. But also it was +an indication of a force and a power of mind that stopped at nothing to +attain its ends, that chose the shortest cut, the most direct means, +disdainful of hesitation, holding delicacy and finessing in measureless +contempt, rushing straight to its object, driving in, breaking down +resistance, smashing through obstacles with a boundless, crude, blind +Brobdignag power, to oppose which was to be trampled under foot upon the +instant. + +It was long before their talk turned from the incident of the morning, +but when it did its subject was Richard Ferriss. Bennett was sounding +his praises and commending upon his pluck and endurance during the +retreat from the ship, when Lloyd, after hesitating once or twice, +asked: + +"How is Mr. Ferriss? In your note you said he was ill." + +"So he is," he told her, "and I could not have left him if I was not +sure I was doing him harm by staying. But the doctor is to wire me if he +gets any worse, and only if he does. I am to believe that no news is +good news." + +But this meeting with Lloyd and the intense excitement of those few +moments by the canal had quite driven from Bennett's mind the fact that +he had _not_ forwarded his present address either to Ferriss or to his +doctor. He had so intended that morning, but all the faculties of his +mind were suddenly concentrated upon another issue. For the moment he +believed that he had actually written to Dr. Pitts, as he had planned, +and when he thought of his intended message at all, thought of it as an +accomplished fact. The matter did not occur to him again. + +As he walked by Lloyd's side, listening to her and talking to her, +snapping the whip the while, or flicking the heads from the mullein +stalks by the roadside with its lash, he was thinking how best he might +say to her what he had come from the City to say. To lead up to his +subject, to guide the conversation, to prepare the right psychological +moment skilfully and without apparent effort, were maneuvers in the game +that Bennett ignored and despised. He knew only that he loved her, that +she was there at his side, that the object of all his desires and hopes +was within his reach. Straight as a homing pigeon he went to his goal. + +"Miss Searight," he began, his harsh, bass voice pitched even lower than +usual, "what do you think I am down here for? This is not the only part +of the world where I could recuperate, I suppose, and as for spending +God's day in chipping at stones, like a professor of a young ladies' +seminary"--he hurled the hammer from him into the bushes--"that for +geology! Now we can talk. You know very well that I love you, and I +believe that you love me. I have come down here to ask you to marry me." + +Lloyd might have done any one of a dozen things--might have answered in +any one of a dozen ways. But what she did do, what she did say, took +Bennett completely by surprise. A little coldly and very calmly she +answered: + +"You believe--you say you believe that I--" she broke off, then began +again: "It is not right for you to say that to me. I have never led you +to believe that I cared for you. Whatever our relations are to be, let +us have that understood at once." + +Bennett uttered an impatient exclamation "I am not good at fencing and +quibbling," he declared. "I tell you that I love you with all my heart. +I tell you that I want you to be my wife, and I tell you that I know you +do love me. You are not like other women; why should you coquette with +me? Good God! Are you not big enough to be above such things? I know you +are. Of all the people in the world we two ought to be above pretence, +ought to understand each other. If I did not know you cared for me I +would not have spoken." + +"I don't understand you," she answered. "I think we had better talk of +other things this morning." + +"I came down here to talk of just this and nothing else," he declared. + +"Very well, then," she said, squaring her shoulders with a quick, brisk +movement, "we will talk of it. You say we two should understand each +other. Let us come to the bottom of things at once. I despise quibbling +and fencing as much, perhaps, as you. Tell me how have I ever led you to +believe that I cared for you?" + +"At a time when our last hope was gone," answered Bennett, meeting her +eyes, "when I was very near to death and thought that I should go to my +God within the day, I was made happier than I think I ever was in my +life before by finding out that I was dear to you--that you loved me." + +Lloyd searched his face with a look of surprise and bewilderment. + +"I do not understand you," she repeated. + +"Oh!" exclaimed Bennett with sudden vehemence, "you could say it to +Ferriss; why can't you say it to me?" + +"To Mr. Ferriss?" + +"You could tell _him_ that you cared." + +"I--tell Mr. Ferriss--that I cared for you?" She began to smile. "You +are a little absurd, Mr. Bennett." + +"And I cannot see why you should deny it now. Or if anything has caused +you to change your mind--to be sorry for what you said, why should I not +know it? Even a petty thief may be heard in his own defence. I loved you +because I believed you to be a woman, a great, strong, noble, man's +woman, above little things, above the little, niggling, contemptible +devices of the drawing-room. I loved you because the great things of the +world interested you, because you had no place in your life for petty +graces, petty affectations, petty deceits and shams and insincerities. +If you did not love me, why did you say so? If you do love me now, why +should you not admit it? Do you think you can play with me? Do you think +you can coquette with me? If you were small enough to stoop to such +means, do you think I am small enough to submit to them? I have known +Ferriss too well. I know him to be incapable of such falsity as you +would charge him with. To have told such a lie, such an uncalled-for, +useless, gratuitous lie, is a thing he could not have done. You must +have told him that you cared. Why aren't you--you of all women--brave +enough, strong enough, big enough to stand by your words?" + +"Because I never said them. What do you think of me? Even if I did care, +do you suppose I would say as much--and to another man? Oh!" she +exclaimed with sudden indignation, "let's talk of something else. This +is too--preposterous." + +"You never told Ferriss that you cared for me?" + +"No." + +Bennett took off his cap. "Very well, then. That is enough. Good-bye, +Miss Searight." + +"Do you believe I told Mr. Ferriss I loved you?" + +"I do not believe that the man who has been more to me than a brother is +a liar and a rascal." + +"Good-morning, Mr. Bennett." + +They had come rather near to the farmhouse by this time. Without another +word Bennett gave the whip and the lap-robe into her hands, and, turning +upon his heel, walked away down the road. + +Lloyd told Lewis as much of the morning's accident by the canal as was +necessary, and gave orders about the dog-cart and the burying of Rox. +Then slowly, her eyes fixed and wide, she went up to her own room and, +without removing either her hat or her gloves, sat down upon the edge of +the bed, letting her hands fall limply into her lap, gazing abstractedly +at the white curtain just stirring at the open window. + +She could not say which hurt her most--that Ferriss had told the lie or +that Bennett believed it. But why, in heaven's name why, had Ferriss so +spoken to Bennett; what object had he in view; what had he to gain by +it? Why had Ferriss, the man who loved her, chosen so to humiliate her, +to put her in a position so galling to her pride, her dignity? Bennett, +too, loved her. How could he believe that she had so demeaned herself? + +She had been hurt and to the heart, at a point where she believed +herself most unassailable, and he who held the weapon was the man that +with all the heart of her and soul of her she loved. + +Much of the situation was all beyond her. Try as she would she could not +understand. One thing, however, she saw clearly, unmistakably: Bennett +believed that she loved him, believed that she had told as much to +Ferriss, and that when she had denied all knowledge of Ferriss's lie she +was only coquetting with him. She knew Bennett and his character well +enough to realise that an idea once rooted in his mind was all but +ineradicable. Bennett was not a man of easy changes; nothing mobile +about him. + +The thought of this belief of Bennett's was intolerable. As she sat +there alone in her white room the dull crimson of her cheeks flamed +suddenly scarlet, and with a quick, involuntary gesture she threw her +hand, palm outward, across her face to hide it from the sunlight. She +went quickly from one mood to another. Now her anger grew suddenly hot +against Ferriss. How had he dared? How had he dared to put this +indignity, this outrageous insult, upon her? Now her wrath turned upon +Bennett. What audacity had been his to believe that she would so forget +herself? She set her teeth in her impotent anger, rising to her feet, +her hands clenching, tears of sheer passion starting to her eyes. + +For the greater part of the afternoon she kept to her room, pacing the +floor from wall to wall, trying to think clearly, to resolve upon +something that would readjust the situation, that would give her back +her peace of mind, her dignity, and her happiness of the early morning. +For now the great joy that had come to her in his safe return was all +but gone. For one moment she even told herself she could not love him, +but the next was willing to admit that it was only because of her love +of him, as strong and deep as ever, that the humiliation cut so deeply +and cruelly now. Ferriss had lied about her, and Bennett had believed +the lie. To meet Bennett again under such circumstances was not to be +thought of for one moment. Her vacation was spoiled; the charm of the +country had vanished. Lloyd returned to the City the next day. + +She found that she was glad to get back to her work. The subdued murmur +of the City that hourly assaulted her windows was a relief to her ears +after the profound and numbing silence of the country. The square was +never so beautiful as at this time of summer, and even the restless +shadow pictures, that after dark were thrown upon the ceiling of her +room by the electrics shining through the great elms in the square +below, were a pleasure. + +On the morning after her arrival and as she was unpacking her trunk Miss +Douglass came into her room and seated herself, according to her custom, +on the couch. After some half-hour's give-and-take talk, the fever nurse +said: + +"Do you remember, Lloyd, what I told you about typhoid in the +spring--that it was almost epidemic?" + +Lloyd nodded, turning about from her trunk, her arms full of dresses. + +"It's worse than ever now," continued Miss Douglass; "three of our +people have been on cases only in the short time you have been away. And +there's a case out in Medford that has killed one nurse." + +"Well!" exclaimed Lloyd in some astonishment, "it seems to me that one +should confine typhoid easily enough." + +"Not always, not always," answered the other; "a virulent case would be +quite as bad as yellow fever or smallpox. You remember when we were at +the hospital Miss Helmuth, that little Polish nurse, contracted it from +her case and died even before her patient did. Then there was Eva +Blayne. She very nearly died. I did like the way Miss Wakeley took this +case out at Medford even when the other nurse had died. She never +hesitated for--" + +"Has one of our people got this case?" inquired Lloyd. + +"Of course. Didn't I tell you?" + +"I hope we cure it," said Lloyd, her trunk-tray in her hands. "I don't +think we have ever lost a case yet when good nursing could pull it +through, and in typhoid the whole treatment really is the nursing." + +"Lloyd," said Miss Douglass decisively, "I would give anything I can +think of now to have been on that hip disease case of yours and have +brought my patient through as you did. You should hear what Dr. Street +says of you--and the little girl's father. By the way, I had nearly +forgotten. Hattie Campbell--that's her name, isn't it?--telephoned to +know if you had come back from the country yet. That was yesterday. I +said we expected you to-day, and she told me to say she was coming to +see you." + +The next afternoon toward three o'clock Hattie and her father drove to +the square in an open carriage, Hattie carrying a great bunch of violets +for Lloyd. The little invalid was well on the way to complete recovery +by now. Sometimes she was allowed to walk a little, but as often as not +her maid wheeled her about in an invalid's chair. She drove out in the +carriage frequently by way of exercise. She would, no doubt, always limp +a little, but in the end it was certain she would be sound and strong. +For Hattie and her father Lloyd had become a sort of tutelary +semi-deity. In what was left of the family she had her place, hardly +less revered than even the dead wife. Campbell himself, who had made a +fortune in Bessemer steel, a well-looking, well-groomed gentleman, +smooth-shaven and with hair that was none too gray, more than once +caught himself standing before Lloyd's picture that stood on the +mantelpiece in Hattie's room, looking at it vaguely as he clipped the +nib from his cigar. + +But on this occasion as the carriage stopped in front of the ample pile +of the house Hattie called out, "Oh, there she is now," and Lloyd came +down the steps, carrying her nurse's bag in her hand. + +"Are we too late?" began Hattie; "are you going out; are you on a case? +Is that why you've got your bag? We thought you were on a vacation." + +Campbell, yielding to a certain feeling of uneasiness that Lloyd should +stand on the curb while he remained seated, got out of the carriage and +stood at her side, gravely listening to the talk between the nurse and +her one-time patient. Lloyd was obliged to explain, turning now to +Hattie, now to her father. She told them that she was in something of a +hurry. She had just been specially called to take a very bad case of +typhoid fever in a little suburb of the City, called Medford. It was not +her turn to go, but the physicians in charge of the case, as sometimes +happened, had asked especially for her. + +"One of our people, a young woman named Miss Wakeley, has been on this +case," she continued, "but it seems she has allowed herself to contract +the disease herself. She went to the hospital this noon." + +Campbell, his gravity suddenly broken up, exclaimed: + +"Surely, Miss Searight, this is not the same case I read of in +yesterday's paper--it must be, too--Medford was the name of the place. +That case has killed one nurse already, and now the second one is down. +Don't tell me you are going to take the same case." + +"It is the same case," answered Lloyd, "and, of course, I am going to +take it. Did you ever hear of a nurse doing otherwise? Why, it would +seem--seem so--funny--" + +There was no dissuading her, and Campbell and Hattie soon ceased even to +try. She was impatient to be gone. The station was close at hand, and +she would not hear of taking the carriage thither. However, before she +left them she recurred again to the subject of her letter to Mr. +Campbell, and then and there it was decided that Hattie and her maid +should spend the following ten days at Lloyd's place in Bannister. The +still country air, now that Hattie was able to take the short journey, +would be more to her than many medicines, and the ponies and Lloyd's +phaeton would be left there with Lewis for her use. + +"And write often, won't you, Miss Searight?" exclaimed Hattie as Lloyd +was saying good-bye. Lloyd shook her head. + +"Not that of all things," she answered. "If I did that we might have +you, too, down with typhoid. But you may write to me, and I hope you +will," and she gave Hattie her new address. + +"Harriet," said Campbell as the carriage drove back across the square, +the father and daughter waving their hands to Lloyd, briskly on her way +to the railroad station, "Harriet." + +"Yes, papa." + +"There goes a noble woman. Pluck, intelligence, strong will--she has +them all--and a great big heart that--heart that--" He clipped the end +of a cigar thoughtfully and fell silent. + +A day or two later, as Hattie was sitting in her little wheel-chair on +the veranda of Mrs. Applegate's house watching Charley-Joe hunting +grasshoppers underneath the currant bushes, she was surprised by the +sharp closing of the front gate. A huge man with one squint eye and a +heavy, square-cut jaw was coming up the walk, followed by a +strange-looking dog. Charley-Joe withdrew, swiftly to his particular +hole under the veranda, moving rapidly, his body low to the ground, and +taking an unnecessary number of very short steps. + +The little city-bred girl distinguished the visitor from a country man +at once. Hattie had ideas of her own as to propriety, and so rose to her +feet as Bennett came up, and after a moment's hesitation made him a +little bow. Bennett at once gravely took off his cap. + +"Excuse me," he said as though Hattie were twenty-five instead of +twelve. "Is Miss Searight at home?" + +"Oh," exclaimed Hattie, delighted, "do you know Miss Searight? She was +my nurse when I was so sick--because you know I had hip disease and +there was an operation. No, she's not here any more. She's gone away, +gone back to the City." + +"Gone back to the City?" + +"Yes, three or four days ago. But I'm going to write to her this +afternoon. Shall I say who called?" Then, without waiting for a reply, +she added, "I guess I had better introduce myself. My name is Harriet +Campbell, and my papa is Craig V. Campbell, of the Hercules Wrought +Steel Company in the City. Won't you have a chair?" + +The little convalescent and the arctic explorer shook hands with great +solemnity. + +"I'm so pleased to meet you," said Bennett. "I haven't a card, but my +name is Ward Bennett--of the Freja expedition," he added. But, to his +relief, the little girl had not heard of him. + +"Very well," she said, "I'll tell Miss Searight Mr. Bennett called." + +"No," he replied, hesitatingly, "no, you needn't do that." + +"Why, she won't answer my letter, you know," explained Hattie, +"because she is afraid her letters would give me typhoid fever, +that they might"--she continued carefully, hazarding a remembered +phrase--"carry the contagion. You see she has gone to nurse a dreadful +case of typhoid fever out at Medford, near the City, and we're so worried +and anxious about her--papa and I. One nurse that had this case has died +already and another one has caught the disease and is very sick, and Miss +Searight, though she knew just how dangerous it was, would go, just +like--like--" Hattie hesitated, then confused memories of her school +reader coming to her, finished with "like Casabianca." + +"Oh," said Bennett, turning his head so as to fix her with his own good +eye. "She has gone to nurse a typhoid fever patient, has she?" + +"Yes, and papa told me--" and Hattie became suddenly very grave, "that +we might--might--oh, dear--never see her again." + +"Hum! Whereabouts is this place in Medford? She gave you her address; +what is it?" Hattie told him, and he took himself abruptly away. + +Bennett had gone some little distance down the road before the real +shock came upon him. Lloyd was in a position of imminent peril; her life +was in the issue. With blind, unreasoned directness he leaped at once to +this conclusion, and as he strode along with teeth and fists tight shut +he kept muttering to himself: "She may die, she may die--we--we may +never see her again." Then suddenly came the fear, the sickening sink of +heart, the choke at the throat, first the tightening and then the sudden +relaxing of all the nerves. Lashed and harried by the sense of a fearful +calamity, an unspeakable grief that was pursuing after him, Bennett did +not stop to think, to reflect. He chose instantly to believe that Lloyd +was near her death, and once the idea was fixed in his brain it was not +thereafter to be reasoned away. Suddenly, at a turn in the road, he +stopped, his hands deep in his pockets, his bootheel digging into the +ground. "Now, then," he exclaimed, "what's to be done?" + +Just one thing: Lloyd must leave the case at once, that very day if it +were possible. He must save her; must turn her back from this +destruction toward which she was rushing, impelled by such a foolish, +mistaken notion of duty. + +"Yes," he said, "there's just that to be done, and, by God! it shall be +done." + +But would Lloyd be turned back from a course she had chosen for herself? +Could he persuade her? Then with this thought of possible opposition +Bennett's resolve all at once tightened to the sticking point. Never in +the darkest hours of his struggle with the arctic ice had his +determination grown so fierce; never had his resolution so girded +itself, so nerved itself to crush down resistance. The force of his will +seemed brusquely to be quadrupled and decupled. He would do as he +desired; come what might he would gain his end. He would stop at +nothing, hesitate at nothing. It would probably be difficult to get her +from her post, but with all his giant's strength Bennett set himself to +gain her safety. + +A great point that he believed was in his favour, a consideration that +influenced him to adopt so irrevocable a resolution, was his belief that +Lloyd loved him. Bennett was not a woman's man. Men he could understand +and handle like so many manikins, but the nature of his life and work +did not conduce to a knowledge of women. Bennett did not understand +them. In his interview with Lloyd when she had so strenuously denied +Ferriss' story Bennett could not catch the ring of truth. It had gotten +into his mind that Lloyd loved him. He believed easily what he wanted to +believe, and his faith in Lloyd's love for him had become a part and +parcel of his fundamental idea of things, not readily to be driven out +even by Lloyd herself. + +Bennett's resolution was taken. Never had he failed in accomplishing +that upon which he set his mind. He would not fail now. Beyond a certain +limit--a limit which now he swiftly reached and passed--Bennett's +determination to carry his point became, as it were, a sort of +obsession; the sweep of the tremendous power he unchained carried his +own self along with it in its resistless onrush. At such, times there +was no light of reason in his actions. He saw only his point, beheld +only his goal; deaf to all voices that would call him back, blind to all +consideration that would lead him to swerve, reckless of everything that +he trampled under foot, he stuck to his aim until that aim was an +accomplished fact. When the grip of the Ice had threatened to close upon +him and crush him, he had hurled himself against its barriers with an +energy and resolve to conquer that was little short of directed frenzy. +So it was with him now. + + * * * * * + +When Lloyd had parted from the Campbells in the square before the house, +she had gone directly to the railway station of a suburban line, and, +within the hour, was on her way to Medford. As always happened when an +interesting case was to be treated, her mind became gradually filled +with it to the exclusion of everything else. The Campbells, and +Bennett's ready acceptance of a story that put her in so humiliating a +light, were forgotten as the train swept her from the heat and dust of +the City out into the green reaches of country to the southward. What +had been done upon the case she had no means of telling. She only knew +that the case was of unusual virulence and well advanced. It had killed +one nurse already and seriously endangered the life of another, but so +far from reflecting on the danger to herself, Lloyd felt a certain +exhilaration in the thought that she was expected to succeed where +others had succumbed. Another battle with the Enemy was at hand, the +Enemy who, though conquered on a hundred fields, must inevitably triumph +in the end. Once again this Enemy had stooped and caught a human being +in his cold grip. Once again Life and Death were at grapples, and Death +was strong, and from out the struggle a cry had come--had come to her--a +cry for help. + +All the exuberance of battle grew big within her breast. She was +impatient to be there--there at hand--to face the Enemy again across the +sick-bed, where she had so often faced and outfought him before; and, +matching her force against his force, her obstinacy against his +strength--the strength that would pull the life from her grasp--her +sleepless vigilance against his stealth, her intelligence against his +cunning, her courage against his terrors, her resistance against his +attack, her skill against his strategy, her science against his +world-old, worldwide experience, win the fight, save the life, hold firm +against his slow, resistless pull and triumph again, if it was only for +the day. + +Succeed she would and must. Her inborn obstinacy, her sturdy refusal to +yield her ground, whatever it should be, her stubborn power of +resistance, her tenacity of her chosen course, came to her aid as she +drew swiftly near to the spot whereon the battle would be fought. +Mentally she braced herself, holding back with all her fine, +hard-tempered, native strength. No, she would not yield the life to the +Enemy; no, she would not give up; no, she would not recede. Let the +Enemy do his worst--she was strong against his efforts. + +At Medford, which she reached toward four in the afternoon, after an +hour's ride from the City, she found a conveyance waiting for her, and +was driven rapidly through streets bordered with villas and closely +shaven lawns to a fair-sized country seat on the outskirts of the town. +The housekeeper met her at the door with the information that the doctor +was, at the moment, in the sick-room, and had left orders that the nurse +should be brought to him the moment she arrived. The housekeeper showed +Lloyd the way to the second landing, knocking upon the half-open door at +the end of the hall, and ushering her in without waiting for an answer. + +Lloyd took in the room at a glance--the closely drawn curtains, the +screen between the bed and the windows, the doctor standing on the +hearth-rug, and the fever-inflamed face of the patient on the pillow. +Then all her power of self-repression could not keep her from uttering a +smothered exclamation. + +For she, the woman who, with all the savage energy of him, Bennett +loved, had, at peril of her life, come to nurse Bennett's nearest +friend, the man of all others dear to him--Richard Ferriss. + + + + +VI. + + +Two days after Dr. Pitts had brought Ferriss to his country house in the +outskirts of Medford he had been able to diagnose his sickness as +typhoid fever, and at once had set about telegraphing the fact to +Bennett. Then it had occurred to him that he did not know where Bennett +had gone. Bennett had omitted notifying him of his present whereabouts, +and, acting upon Dr. Pitts' advice, had hidden himself away from +everybody. Neither at his club nor at his hotel, where his mail +accumulated in extraordinary quantities, had any forwarding address been +left. Bennett would not even know that Ferriss had been moved to +Medford. So much the worse. It could not be helped. There was nothing +for the doctor to do but to leave Bennett in ignorance and go ahead and +fight for the life of Ferriss as best he could. Pitts arranged for a +brother physician to take over his practice, and devoted himself +entirely to Ferriss. And Ferriss sickened and sickened, and went +steadily from bad to worse. The fever advanced regularly to a certain +stage, a stage of imminent danger, and there paused. Rarely had Pitts +been called upon to fight a more virulent form of the disease. + +What made matters worse was that Ferriss hung on for so long a time +without change one way or another. Pitts had long since been convinced +of ulceration in the membrane of the intestines, but it astonished him +that this symptom persisted so long without signs either of progressing +or diminishing. The course of the disease was unusually slow. The first +nurse had already had time to sicken and die; a second had been +infected, and yet Ferriss "hung on," neither sinking nor improving, yet +at every hour lying perilously near death. It was not often that death +and life locked horns for so long, not often that the chance was so +even. Many was the hour, many was the moment, when a hair would have +turned the balance, and yet the balance was preserved. + +At her abrupt recognition of Ferriss, in this patient whom she had been +summoned to nurse, and whose hold upon life was so pitifully weak, +Lloyd's heart gave a great leap and then sank ominously in her breast. +Her first emotion was one of boundless self-reproach. Why had she not +known of this? Why had she not questioned Bennett more closely as to his +friend's sickness? Might she not have expected something like this? Was +not typhoid the one evil to be feared and foreseen after experiences +such as Ferriss had undergone--the fatigue and privations of the march +over the ice, and the subsequent months aboard the steam whaler, with +its bad food, its dirt, and its inevitable overcrowding? + +And while she had been idling in the country, this man, whom she had +known since her girlhood better and longer than any of her few +acquaintances, had been struck down, and day by day had weakened and +sickened and wasted, until now, at any hour, at any moment, the life +might be snuffed out like the fight of a spent candle. What a miserable +incompetent had she been! That day in the park when she had come upon +him, so weak and broken and far spent, why had she not, with all her +training and experience, known that even then the flame was flickering +down to the socket, that a link in the silver chain was weakening? Now, +perhaps, it was too late. But quick her original obstinacy rose up in +protest. No! she would not yield the life. No, no, no; again and a +thousand times no! He belonged to her. Others she had saved, others far +less dear to her than Ferriss. Her last patient--the little girl--she +had caught back from death at the eleventh hour, and of all men would +she not save Ferriss? In such sickness as this it was the nurse and not +the doctor who must be depended upon. And, once again, never so strong, +never so fine, never so glorious, her splendid independence, her pride +in her own strength, her indomitable self-reliance leaped in her breast, +leaped and stood firm, hard as tempered steel, head to the Enemy, daring +the assault, defiant, immovable, unshaken in its resolve, unconquerable +in the steadfast tenacity of its purpose. + +The story that Ferriss had told to Bennett, that uncalled-for and +inexplicable falsehood, was a thing forgotten. Death stood at the +bed-head, and in that room the little things of life had no place. The +king was holding court, and the swarm of small, everyday issues, like a +crowd of petty courtiers, were not admitted to his presence. Ferriss' +life was in danger. Lloyd saw no more than that. At once she set about +the work. + +In a few rapid sentences exchanged in low voices between her and the +doctor Lloyd made herself acquainted with the case. + +"We've been using the ice-pack and wet-pack to bring down the +temperature in place of the cold bath," the doctor explained. "I'm +afraid of pericarditis." + +"Quinine?" inquired Lloyd. + +"From twenty to forty grains in the morning and evening. Here's the +temperature chart for the last week. If we reach this point in axilla +again--" he indicated one hundred and two degrees with a +thumb-nail--"we'll have to risk the cold bath, but only in that case." + +"And the tympanites?" + +Dr. Pitts put his chin in the air. + +"Grave--there's an intestinal ulcer, no doubt of it, and if it +perforates--well, we can send for the undertaker then." + +"Has he had hemorrhages?" + +"Two in the first week, but not profuse--he seemed to rally fairly well +afterward. We have been injecting ether in case of anemia. Really, Miss +Searight, the case is interesting, but wicked, wicked as original sin. +Killed off my first nurse out of hand--good little boy, conscientious +enough; took no care of himself; ate his meals in the sick-room against +my wishes; off he went--dicrotic pulse, diarrhea, vomiting, hospital, +thrombosis of pulmonary artery, _pouf_, requiescat." + +"And Miss Wakeley?" + +"Knocked under yesterday, and she was fairly saturated with creolin +night and morning. I don't know how it happened.... Well, God for us +all. Here he is--that's the point for us." He glanced toward the bed, +and for the third time Lloyd looked at the patient. + +Ferriss was in a quiet delirium, and, at intervals, from behind his +lips, dry and brown and fissured, there came the sounds of low and +indistinct muttering. Barring a certain prominence of the cheek-bones, +his face was not very wasted, but its skin was a strange, dusky pallor. +The cold pack was about his head like a sort of caricatured crown. + +"Well," repeated Pitts in a moment, "I've been waiting for you to come +to get a little rest. Was up all last night. Suppose you take over +charge." + +Lloyd nodded her head, removing her hat and gloves, making herself +ready. Pitts gave her some final directions, and left her alone in the +sick-room. For the moment there was nothing to do for the patient. Lloyd +put on her hospital slippers and moved silently about the room, +preparing for the night, and making some few changes in the matter of +light and ventilation. Then for a while the medicine occupied her +attention, and she was at some pains to carefully sort out the +antiseptic and disinfectants from the drugs themselves. These latter she +arranged on a table by themselves--studying the labels--assuring herself +of their uses. Quinine for the regular morning and evening doses, +sulphonal and trional for insomnia, ether for injections in case of +anemia after hemorrhage, morphine for delirium, citrite of caffeine for +weakness of the heart, tincture of valerian for the tympanites, bismuth +to relieve nausea and vomiting, and the crushed ice wrapped in flannel +cloths for the cold pack in the event of hyperpyrexia. + +Later in the evening she took the temperature in the armpit, noted the +condition of the pulse, and managed to get Ferriss--still in his quiet, +muttering delirium--to drink a glass of peptonised milk. She +administered the quinine, reading the label, as was her custom, three +times, once as she took it up, again as she measured the dose, and a +last time as she returned the bottle to its place. Everything she did, +every minute change in Ferriss's condition, she entered upon a chart, so +that in the morning when Dr. Pitts should relieve her he could grasp the +situation at a glance. + +The night passed without any but the expected variations of the pulse +and temperature, though toward daylight Lloyd could fancy that Ferriss, +for a few moments, came out of his delirium and was conscious of his +surroundings. For a few seconds his eyes seemed to regain something of +their intelligence, and his glance moved curiously about the room. But +Lloyd, sitting near the foot-board of the bed, turned her head from +him. It was not expedient that Ferriss should recognise her now. + +Lloyd could not but commend the wisdom of bringing Ferriss to Dr. +Pitts's own house in so quiet a place as Medford. The doctor risked +nothing. He was without a family, the only other occupants of the house +being the housekeeper and cook. On more than one occasion, when an +interesting case needed constant watching, Pitts had used his house as a +sanatorium. Quiet as the little village itself was, the house was +removed some little distance from its outskirts. The air was fine and +pure. The stillness, the calm, the unbroken repose, was almost +Sabbath-like. In the early watches of the night, just at the turn of the +dawn, Lloyd heard the faint rumble of a passing train at the station +nearly five miles away. For hours that and the prolonged stridulating of +the crickets were the only sounds. Then at last, while it was yet dark, +a faint chittering of waking birds began from under the eaves and from +the apple-trees in the yard about the house. Lloyd went to the window, +and, drawing aside the curtains, stood there for a moment looking out. +She could see part of the road leading to the town, and, in the +distance, the edge of the town itself, a few well-kept country +residences of suburban dwellers of the City, and, farther on, a large, +rectangular, brick building with cupola and flagstaff, perhaps the +public school or the bank or the Odd Fellows' Hall. Nearer by were +fields and corners of pasture land, with here and there the formless +shapes of drowsing cows. One of these, as Lloyd watched, changed +position, and she could almost hear the long, deep breath that +accompanied the motion. Far off, miles upon miles, so it seemed, a +rooster was crowing at exact intervals. All at once, and close at hand, +another answered--a gay, brisk carillon that woke the echoes in an +instant. For the first time Lloyd noticed a pale, dim belt of light low +in the east. + +Toward eight o'clock in the morning the doctor came to relieve her, and +while he was examining the charts and she was making her report for the +night the housekeeper announced breakfast. + +"Go down to your breakfast, Miss Searight," said the doctor. "I'll stay +here the while. The housekeeper will show you to your room." + +But before breakfasting Lloyd went to the room the housekeeper had set +apart for her--a different one than had been occupied by either of the +previous nurses--changed her dress, and bathed her face and hands in a +disinfecting solution. When she came out of her room the doctor met her +in the hall; his hat and stick were in his hand. "He has gone to sleep," +he informed her, "and is resting quietly. I am going to get a mouthful +of fresh air along the road. The housekeeper is with him. If he wakes +she'll call you. I will not be gone fifteen minutes. I've not been out +of the house for five days, and there's no danger." + +Breakfast had been laid in what the doctor spoke of as the glass-room. +This was an enclosed veranda, one side being of glass and opening by +French windows directly upon a little lawn that sloped away under the +apple-trees to the road. It was a charming apartment, an idea of a +sister of Dr. Pitts, who at one time had spent two years at Medford. +Lloyd breakfasted here alone, and it was here that Bennett found her. + +The one public carriage of Medford, a sort of four-seated carryall, that +met all the trains at the depot, had driven to the gate at the foot of +the yard, and had pulled up, the horses reeking and blowing. Even before +it had stopped, a tall, square-shouldered man had alighted, but it was +not until he was half-way up the gravel walk that Lloyd had recognised +him. Bennett caught sight of her at the same moment, and strode swiftly +across the lawn and came into the breakfast-room by one of the open +French windows. At once the room seemed to shrink in size; his first +step upon the floor--a step that was almost a stamp, so eager it was, so +masterful and resolute--set the panes of glass jarring in their frames. +Never had Bennett seemed more out of place than in this almost dainty +breakfast-room, with its small, feminine appurtenances, its fragile +glassware, its pots of flowers and growing plants. The incongruous +surroundings emphasized his every roughness, his every angularity. +Against its background of delicate, mild tints his figure loomed +suddenly colossal; the great span of his chest and shoulders seemed +never so huge. His face; the great, brutal jaw, with its aggressive, +bullying, forward thrust; the close-gripped lips, the contracted +forehead, the small eyes, marred with the sharply defined cast, appeared +never so harsh, never so massive, never so significant of the +resistless, crude force of the man, his energy, his overpowering +determination. As he towered there before her, one hand gripped upon a +chair-back, it seemed to her that the hand had but to close to crush the +little varnished woodwork to a splinter, and when he spoke Lloyd could +imagine that the fine, frail china of the table vibrated to the +deep-pitched bass of his voice. + +Lloyd had only to look at him once to know that Bennett was at the +moment aroused and agitated to an extraordinary degree. His face was +congested and flaming. Under his frown his eyes seemed flashing +veritable sparks; his teeth were set; in his temple a vein stood +prominent and throbbing. But Lloyd was not surprised. Bennett had, no +doubt, heard of Ferriss's desperate illness. Small wonder he was excited +when the life of his dearest friend was threatened. Lloyd could ignore +her own quarrel with Bennett at such a moment. + +"I am so sorry," she began, "that you could not have known sooner. But +you remember you left no address. There was--" + +"What are you doing here?" he broke in abruptly. "What is the +use--why--" he paused for a moment to steady his voice--"you can't stay +here," he went on. "Don't you know the risk you are running? You can't +stay here another moment." + +"That," answered Lloyd, smiling, "is a matter that is interesting +chiefly to me. I suppose you know that, Mr. Bennett." + +"I know that you are risking your life and--" + +"And that, too, is my affair." + +"I have made it mine," he responded quickly. "Oh," he exclaimed sharply, +striking the back of the chair with his open palm, "why must we always +be at cross-purposes with each other? I'm not good at talking. What is +the use of tangling ourselves with phrases? I love you, and I've come +out here to ask you, to beg you, you understand, to leave this house, +where you are foolishly risking your life. You must do it," he went on +rapidly. "I love you too well. Your life is too much to me to allow you +to hazard it senselessly, foolishly. There are other women, other +nurses, who can take your place. But you are not going to stay here." + +Lloyd felt her indignation rising. + +"This is my profession," she answered, trying to keep back her anger. "I +am here because it is my duty to be here." Then suddenly, as his +extraordinary effrontery dawned upon her, she exclaimed, rising to her +feet: "Do I need to explain to you what I do? I am here because I choose +to be here. That is enough. I don't care to go any further with such a +discussion as this." + +"You will not leave here, then?" + +"No." + +Bennett hesitated an instant, searching for his words, then: + +"I do not know how to ask favours. I've had little experience in that +sort of thing. You must know how hard it is for me, and you must +understand to what lengths I am driven then, when I entreat you, when I +beg of you, as humbly as it is possible for me to do so, to leave this +house, now--at once. There is a train to the City within the hour; some +one else can take your place before noon. We can telegraph; will you +go?" + +"You are absurd." + +"Lloyd, can't you see; don't you understand? It's as though I saw you +rushing toward a precipice with your eyes shut." + +"My place is here. I shall not leave." + +But Bennett's next move surprised her. His eagerness, his agitation left +him upon the instant He took out his watch. + +"I was wrong," he said quietly. "The next train will not go for an hour +and a quarter. There is more time than I supposed." Then, with as much +gentleness as he could command, he added: "Lloyd, you are going to take +that train?" + +"Now, you are becoming a little more than absurd," she answered. "I +don't know, Mr. Bennett, whether or not you intend to be offensive, but +I think you are succeeding rather well. You came to this house +uninvited; you invade a gentleman's private residence, and you attempt +to meddle and to interfere with me in the practice of my profession. If +you think you can impress me with heroics and declamation, please +correct yourself at once. You have only succeeded in making yourself a +little vulgar." + +"That may be true or not," he answered with an indifferent movement of +his shoulders. "It is all one to me. I have made up my mind that you +shall leave this house this morning, and believe me, Miss Searight, I +shall carry my point." + +For the moment Lloyd caught her breath. For the moment she saw clearly +with just what sort of man she had to deal. There was a conviction in +his manner--now that he had quieted himself--that suddenly appeared +unanswerable. It was like the slow, still moving of a piston. + +But the next moment her own character reasserted itself. She remembered +what she was herself. If he was determined, she was obstinate; if he was +resolved, she was stubborn; if he was powerful, she was unyielding. +Never had she conceded her point before; never had she allowed herself +to be thwarted in the pursuance of a course she believed to be right. +Was she, of all women, to yield now? The consciousness of her own power +of resistance came suddenly to her aid. Bennett was strong, but was she +not strong herself? Where under the blue sky was the power that could +break down her will? When death itself could not prevail against her, +what in life could shake her resolution? + +Suddenly the tremendous import of the moment, the magnitude of the +situation, flashed upon Lloyd. Both of them had staked everything upon +this issue. Two characters of extraordinary power clashed violently +together. There was to be no compromise, no half-measures. Either she or +Bennett must in the end be beaten. One of them was to be broken and +humbled beyond all retrieving. There in that commonplace little room, +with its trivial accessories, its inadequate background, a battle royal +swiftly prepared itself. With the abruptness of an explosion the crisis +developed. + +"Do I need to tell you," remarked Bennett, "that your life is rather +more to me than any other consideration in the world? Do you suppose +when the lives of every member of my command depended upon me I was any +less resolved to succeed than I am now? I succeeded then, and I shall +succeed now, now when there is much more at stake. I am not accustomed +to failure, and I shall not fail now. I assure you that I shall stop at +nothing." + +It was beyond Lloyd to retain her calmness under such aggression. It +seemed as though her self-respect demanded that she should lose her +temper. + +"And you think you can drive me as you drove your deck-hands?" she +exclaimed. "What have you to do with me? Am I your subordinate? Do you +think you can bully me? We are not in Kolyuchin Bay, Mr. Bennett." + +"You're the woman I love," he answered with an abrupt return of +vehemence, "and, by God! I shall stop at nothing to save your life." + +"And my love for you, that you pretend is so much to you, I suppose that +this is the means you take to awaken it. Admitting, for the moment, that +you could induce me to shirk my duty, how should I love you for it? Ask +yourself that." + +But Bennett had but one answer to all her words. He struck his fist into +the palm of his hand as he answered: + +"Your life is more to me than any other consideration." + +"But my life--how do you know it is a question of my life? Come, if we +are to quarrel, let us quarrel upon reasonable grounds. It does not +follow that I risk my life by staying--" + +"Leave the house first; we can talk of that afterward." + +"I have allowed you to talk too much already," she exclaimed angrily. +"Let us come to the bottom of things at once. I will not be influenced +nor cajoled nor bullied into leaving my post. Now, do you understand? +That is my final answer. You who were a commander, who were a leader of +men, what would you have done if one of your party had left his post at +a time of danger? I can tell you what you would have done--you would +have shot him, after first disgracing him, and now you would disgrace +me. Is it reasonable? Is it consistent?" + +Bennett snapped his fingers. + +"That for consistency!" + +"And you would be willing to disgrace me--to have me disgrace myself?" + +"Your life--" began Bennett again. + +But suddenly Lloyd flashed out upon him with: "My life! My life! Are +there not some things better than life? You, above all men, should +understand that much. Oh, be yourself, be the man I thought you were. +You have your code; let me have mine. You could not be what you are, you +could not have done what you did, if you had not set so many things +above merely your life. Admit that you could not have loved me unless +you believed that I could do the same. How could you still love me if +you knew I had failed in my duty? How could you still love me if you +knew that you had broken down my will? I know you better than you know +yourself. You loved me because you knew me to be strong and brave and to +be above petty deceptions and shams and subterfuges. And now you ask me +to fail, to give up, to shirk, and you tell me you do so because you +love me." + +"That is all so many words to me. I cannot argue with you, and there is +no time for it. I did not come here to--converse." + +Never in her life before had Lloyd been so angry as at that moment. The +sombre crimson of her cheeks had suddenly given place to an unwonted +paleness; even her dull-blue eyes, that so rarely sparkled, were all +alight. She straightened herself. + +"Very well, then," she answered quietly, "our conversation can stop +where it is. You will excuse me, Mr. Bennett, if I leave you. I have my +work to do." + +Bennett was standing between her and the door. He did not move. Very +gravely he said: + +"Don't. Please don't bring it--to that." + +Lloyd flashed a look at him, her eyes wide, exclaiming: + +"You don't mean--you don't dare--" + +"I tell you again that I mean to carry my point." + +"And I tell you that I shall _not_ leave my patient." + +Bennett met her glance for an instant, and, holding her gaze with his, +answered but two words. Speaking in a low voice and with measured +slowness, he said: + +"You--shall." + +There was a silence. The two stood there, looking straight into one +another's eyes, their mutual opposition at its climax. The seconds began +to pass. The conflict between the man's aggression and the woman's +resistance reached its turning point. Before another word should be +spoken, before the minute should pass, one of the two must give ground. + +And then it was that Lloyd felt something breakdown within her, +something to which she could not put a name. A mysterious element of her +character, hitherto rigid and intact, was beginning at last to crumble. +Somewhere a breach had been opened; somewhere the barrier had been +undermined. The fine steadfastness that was hers, and that she had so +dearly prized, her strength in which she had gloried, her independence, +her splendid arrogant self-confidence and conscious power seemed all at +once to weaken before this iron resolve that shut its ears and eyes, +this colossal, untutored, savage intensity of purpose. + +And abruptly her eyes were opened, and the inherent weakness of her sex +became apparent to her. Was it a mistake, then? Could not a woman be +strong? Was her strength grafted upon elemental weakness--not her +individual weakness, but the weakness of her sex, the intended natural +weakness of the woman? Had she built her fancied impregnable fortress +upon sand? + +But habit was too strong. For an instant, brief as the opening and +shutting of an eye, a vision was vouchsafed to her, one of those swift +glimpses into unplumbed depths that come sometimes to the human mind in +the moments of its exaltation, but that are gone with such rapidity that +they may not be trusted. For an instant Lloyd saw deep down into the +black, mysterious gulf of sex--down, down, down where, immeasurably +below the world of little things, the changeless, dreadful machinery of +Life itself worked, clashing and resistless in its grooves. It was a +glimpse fortunately brief, a vision that does not come too often, lest +reason, brought to the edge of the abyss, grow giddy at the sight and, +reeling, topple headlong. But quick the vision passed, the gulf closed, +and she felt the firm ground again beneath her feet. + +"I shall not," she cried. + +Was it the same woman who had spoken but one moment before? Did her +voice ring with the same undaunted defiance? Was there not a note of +despair in her tones, a barely perceptible quaver, the symbol of her +wavering resolve? Was not the very fact that she must question her +strength proof positive that her strength was waning? + +But her courage was unshaken, even if her strength was breaking. To the +last she would strive, to the end she would hold her forehead high. Not +till the last hope had been tried would she acknowledge her defeat. + +"But in any case," she said, "risk is better than certainty. If I risk +my life by staying, it is certain that he will die if I leave him at +this critical moment." + +"So much the worse, then--you cannot stay." + +Lloyd stared at him in amazement. + +"It isn't possible; I don't believe you can understand. Do you know how +sick he is? Do you know that he is lying at the point of death at this +very moment, and that the longer I stay away from him the more his life +is in peril? Has he not rights as well as I; has he not a right to live? +It is not only my own humiliation that is at stake, it is the life of +your dearest friend, the man who stood by you, and helped you, and who +suffered the same hardships and privations as yourself." + +"What's that?" demanded Bennett with a sudden frown. + +"If I leave Mr. Ferriss now, if he is left alone here for so much as +half an hour, I will not answer--" + +"Ferriss! What are you talking about? What is your patient's name?" + +"Didn't you know?" + +"Ferriss! Dick Ferriss! Don't tell me it's Dick Ferriss." + +"I thought all the time you knew--that you had heard. Yes, it is Mr. +Ferriss." + +"Is he very sick? What is he doing out here? No, I had not heard; nobody +told me. Pitts was to write--to--to wire. Will he pull through? What's +the matter with him? Is it he who had typhoid?" + +"He is very dangerously ill. Dr. Pitts brought him here. This is his +house. We do not know if he will get well. It is only by watching him +every instant that we can hope for anything. At this moment there is no +one with him but a servant. _Now_, Mr. Bennett, am I to go to my +patient?" + +"But--but--we can get some one else." + +"Not before three hours, and it's only the truth when I tell you he may +die at any minute. Am I to go?" + +In a second of time the hideous situation leaped up before Bennett's +eyes. Right or wrong, the conviction that Lloyd was terribly imperilling +her life by remaining at her patient's bedside had sunk into his mind +and was not to be eradicated. It was a terror that had gripped him close +and that could not be reasoned away. But Ferriss? What of him? Now it +had brusquely transpired that his life, too, hung in the balance. How to +decide? How to meet this abominable complication wherein he must +sacrifice the woman he so dearly loved or the man who was the Damon to +his Pythias, the Jonathan to his David? + +"Am I to go?" repeated Lloyd for the third time. + +Bennett closed his eyes, clasping his head with both hands. + +"Great God, wait--wait--I can't think--I--I, oh, this is terrible!" + +Lloyd drove home her advantage mercilessly. + +"Wait? I tell you we can't wait." + +Then Bennett realised with a great spasm of horror that for him there +was no going back. All his life, accustomed to quick decisions in +moments of supreme peril, he took his decision now, facing, with such +courage as he could muster, its unspeakable consequences, consequences +that he knew must harry and hound him all the rest of his life. +Whichever way he decided, he opened his heart to the beak and talons of +a pitiless remorse. He could no longer see, in the dreadful confusion of +his mind, the right of things or the wrong of things, could not +accurately weigh chances or possibilities. For him only two alternatives +presented themselves, the death of Ferriss or the death of Lloyd. He +could see no compromise, could imagine no escape. It was as though a +headsman with ready axe stood at his elbow, awaiting his commands. And, +besides all this, he had long since passed the limit--though perhaps he +did not know it himself--where he could see anything but the point he +had determined to gain, the goal he had determined to reach. His mind +was made up. His furious energy, his resolve to conquer at all costs, +had become at last a sort of directed frenzy. The engine he had set in +motion was now beyond his control. He could not now--whether he would or +no--reverse its action, swerve it from its iron path, call it back from +the monstrous catastrophe toward which it was speeding him. + +"God help us all!" he muttered. + +"Well," said Lloyd expectantly. + +Bennett drew a deep breath, his hands falling helplessly at his sides. +In a way he appeared suddenly bowed; the great frame of bone and sinew +seemed in some strange, indefinable manner to shrink, to stagger under +the sudden assumption of an intolerable burden--a burden that was never +to be lifted. + +Even then, however, Bennett still believed in the wisdom of his course, +still believed himself to be right. But, right or wrong, he now must go +forward. Was it fate, was it doom, was it destiny? + +Bennett's entire life had been spent in the working out of great ideas +in the face of great obstacles; continually he had been called upon to +overcome enormous difficulties with enormous strength. For long periods +of time he had been isolated from civilisation, had been face to face +with the simple, crude forces of an elemental world--forces that were to +be combated and overthrown by means no less simple and crude than +themselves. He had lost the faculty, possessed, no doubt, by smaller +minds, of dealing with complicated situations. To resort to expedients, +to make concessions, was all beyond him. For him a thing was absolutely +right or absolutely wrong, and between the two there was no gradation. +For so long a time had he looked at the larger, broader situations of +life that his mental vision had become all deformed and confused. He saw +things invariably magnified beyond all proportion, or else dwarfed to a +littleness that was beneath consideration. Normal vision was denied him. +It was as though he studied the world through one or the other ends of a +telescope, and when, as at present, his emotions were aroused, matters +were only made the worse. The idea that Ferriss might recover, though +Lloyd should leave him at this moment, hardly presented itself to his +mind. He was convinced that if Lloyd went away Ferriss would die; Lloyd +had said as much herself. The hope that Lloyd might, after all, nurse +him through his sickness without danger to herself was so remote that he +did not consider it for one instant. If Lloyd remained she, like the +other nurse, would contract the disease and die. + +These were the half-way measures Bennett did not understand, the +expedients he could no longer see. It was either Lloyd or Ferriss. He +must choose between them. + +Bennett went to the door of the room, closed it and leaned against it. + +"No," he said. + +Lloyd was stricken speechless. For the instant she shrank before him as +if from a murderer. Bennett now knew precisely the terrible danger in +which he left the man who was his dearest friend. Would he actually +consent to his death? It was almost beyond belief, and for the moment +Lloyd herself quailed before him. Her first thoughts were not of +herself, but of Ferriss. If he was Bennett's friend he was her friend +too. At that very moment he might be dying for want of her care. She was +fast becoming desperate. For the moment she could put all thought of +herself and of her own dignity in the background. + +"What is it you want?" she cried. "Is it my humiliation you ask? Well, +then, you have it. It is as hard for me to ask favours as it is for you. +I am as proud as you, but I entreat you, you hear me, as humbly as I +can, to let me go. What do you want more than that? Oh, can't you +understand? While we talk here, while you keep me here, he may be dying. +Is it a time for arguments, is it a time for misunderstandings, is it a +time to think of ourselves, of our own lives, our own little affairs?" +She clasped her hands. "Will you please--can I, can I say more than +that; will you please let me go?" + +"No." + +With a great effort Lloyd tried to regain her self-control. She paused a +moment, then: + +"Listen!" she said. "You say that you love me; that I am more to you +than even Mr. Ferriss, your truest friend. I do not wish to think of +myself at such a time as this, but supposing that you should make +me--that I should consent to leave my patient. Think of me then, +afterward. Can I go back there to the house, the house that I built? Can +I face the women of my profession? What would they think of me? What +would my friends think of me--I who have held my head so high? You will +ruin my life. I should have to give up my profession. Oh, can't you see +in what position you would place me?" Suddenly the tears sprang to her +eyes. "No!" she cried vehemently. "No, no, no, I will not, I will not be +disgraced!" + +"I have no wish to disgrace you," answered Bennett. "It is strange for +you to say that to me, if I love you so well that I can give up Ferriss +for--" + +"Then, if you love me so much as that, there must be one thing that you +would set even above my life. Do you wish to make me hate you?" + +"There is nothing in the world more to me than your life; you know that. +How can you think it of me?" + +"Because you don't understand--because you don't know that--oh, that I +love you! I--no--I didn't mean--I didn't mean--" + +What had she said? What had happened? How was it that the words that +yesterday she would have been ashamed to so much as whisper to herself +had now rushed to her lips almost of their own accord? After all those +years of repression, suddenly the sweet, dim thought she had hidden in +her secretest heart's heart had leaped to light and to articulate words. +Unasked, unbidden, she had told him that she loved him. She, she had +done this thing when, but a few moments before, her anger against him +had shaken her to her very finger-tips. The hot, intolerable shame of it +smote like fire into her face. Her world was cracking about her ears; +everything she had prized the dearest was being torn from her, +everything she had fancied the strongest was being overthrown. Had she, +she who had held herself so proud and high, come at last to this? + +Swiftly she turned from him and clasped her hands before her eyes and +sank down into the chair she had quitted, bowing her head upon her arms, +hiding her face, shutting herself from the light of day, quivering and +thrilling with an agony of shame and with an utter, an abject +self-contempt that was beyond all power of expression. But the instant +she felt Bennett's touch upon her shoulder she sprang up as if a knife +had pierced her, and shrank from him, turning her head away, her hand, +palm outward, before her eyes. + +"Oh, please!" she begged piteously, almost inarticulately in the stress +of her emotion, "don't--if you are a man--don't take advantage--please, +please don't touch me. Let me go away." + +She was talking to deaf ears. In two steps Bennett had reached her side +and had taken her in his arms. Lloyd could not resist. Her vigour of +body as well as of mind was crushed and broken and beaten down; and why +was it that in spite of her shame, that in spite of her unutterable +self-reproach, the very touch of her cheek upon his shoulder was a +comfort? Why was it that to feel herself carried away in the rush of +this harsh, impetuous, masculine power was a happiness? Why was it that +to know that her prided fortitude and hitherto unshaken power were being +overwhelmed and broken with a brutal, ruthless strength was an +exultation and a glory? Why was it that she who but a moment before +quailed from his lightest touch now put her arms about his neck and +clung to him with a sense of protection and of refuge, the need of which +she had always and until that very moment disdained? + +"Why should you be sorry because you spoke?" said Bennett. "I knew that +you loved me and you knew that I loved you. What does it matter if you +said it or did not say it? We know each other, you and I. We understand. +You knew that I loved you. You think that I have been strong and +determined, and have done the things I set out to do; what I am is what +you made me. What I have done I have done because I thought you would +approve. Do you think I would have come back if I had not known that I +was coming back to you?" Suddenly an impatient exclamation escaped him, +and his clasp about her tightened. "Oh! words--the mere things that one +can _say_, seem so pitiful, so miserably inadequate. Don't you know, +can't you feel what you are to me? Tell me, do you think I love you?" + +But she could not bear to meet his glance just yet. Her eyes were +closed, and she could only nod her head. + +But Bennett took her head in both his hands and turned her face to his. +Even yet she kept her eyes closed. + +"Lloyd," he said, and his voice was almost a command; "Lloyd, look at +me. Do you love me?" + +She drew a deep breath. Then her sweet dull-blue eyes opened, and +through the tears that brimmed them and wet her lashes she looked at him +and met his glance fearlessly and almost proudly, and her voice trembled +and vibrated with an infinite tenderness as she answered: + +"I do love you, Ward; love you with all my heart." + +Then, after a pause, she said, drawing a little from him and resting a +hand upon either shoulder: + +"But listen, dear; we must not think of ourselves now. We must think of +him, so sick and weak and helpless. This is a terrible moment in our +lives. I don't know why it has come to us. I don't know why it should +all have happened as it has this morning. Just a few moments ago I was +angry as I never was in my life before--and at you--and now it seems to +me that I never was so happy; I don't know myself any more. Everything +is confused; all we can do is to hold to what we know is right and trust +that everything will be well in the end. It is a crisis, isn't it? And +all our lives and all our happiness depend upon how we meet it. I am all +different now. I am not the woman I was a half-hour ago. You must be +brave for me now, and you must be strong for me and help me to do my +duty. We must live up to the best that is in us and do what we think is +right, no matter what risks we run, no matter what the consequences are. +I would not have asked you to help me before--before what has +happened--but now I need your help. You have said I helped you to be +brave; help me to be brave now, and to do what I know is right." + +But Bennett was still blind. If she had been dear to him before, how +doubly so had she become since she had confessed her love for him! +Ferriss was forgotten, ignored. He could not let her go, he could not +let her run the slightest risk. Was he to take any chance of losing her +now? He shook his head. + +"Ward!" she exclaimed with deep and serious earnestness. "If you do not +wish me to risk my life by going to my post, be careful, oh, be very +careful, that you do not risk something that is more to us both than +life itself, by keeping me from it. Do you think I could love you so +deeply and so truly as I do if I had not kept my standards high; if I +had not believed in the things that were better than life, and stronger +than death, and dearer to me than even love itself? There are some +things I cannot do: I cannot be false, I cannot be cowardly, I cannot +shirk my duty. Now I am helpless in your hands. You have conquered, and +you can do with me as you choose. But if you make me do what is false, +and what is cowardly, and what is dishonourable; if you stand between me +and what I know is my duty, how can I love you, how can I love you?" + +Persistently, perversely, Bennett stopped his ears to every +consideration, to every argument. She wished to hazard her life. That +was all he understood. + +"No, Lloyd," he answered, "you must not do it." + +"--and I want to love you," she went on, as though she had not heard. "I +want you to be everything to me. I have trusted you so long--had faith +in you so long, I don't want to think of you as the man who failed me +when I most needed his help, who made me do the thing that was +contemptible and unworthy. Believe me," she went on with sudden energy, +"you will kill my love for you if you persist." + +But before Bennett could answer there was a cry. + +"It is the servant," exclaimed Lloyd quickly. "She has been +watching--there in the room with him." + +"Nurse--Miss Searight," came the cry, "quick--there is something +wrong--I don't know--oh, hurry!" + +"Do you hear?" cried Lloyd. "It is the crisis--he may be dying. Oh, +Ward, it is the man you love! We can save him." She stamped her foot in +the frenzy of her emotion, her hands twisting together. "I _will_ go. I +forbid you to keep--to hinder--to--to, oh, what is to become of us? If +you love me, if you love him--_Ward, will you let me go?_" + +Bennett put his hands over his ears, his eyes closed. In the horror of +that moment, when he realised that no matter how he might desire it he +could not waver in his resolution, it seemed to him that his reason must +give way. But he set his back to the door, his hand gripped tight upon +the knob, and through his set teeth his answer came as before: + +"No." + +"Nurse--Miss Searight, where are you? Hurry, oh, hurry!" + +"Will you let me go?" + +"No." + +Lloyd caught at his hand, shut so desperately upon the knob, striving to +loosen his clasp. She hardly knew what she was doing; she threw her arms +about his neck, imploring, commanding, now submissive, now imperious, +her voice now vibrating with anger, now trembling with passionate +entreaty. + +"You are not only killing him, you are killing my love for you; will you +let me go--the love that is so dear to me? Let me love you, Ward; listen +to me; don't make me hate you; let me love you, dear--" + +"Hurry, oh, hurry!" + +"Let me love you; let him live. I want to love you. It's the best +happiness in my life. Let me be happy. Can't you see what this moment is +to mean for us? It is our happiness or wretchedness forever. Will you +let me go?" + +"No." + +"For the last time, Ward, listen! It is my love for you and his life. +Don't crush us both--yes, and yourself. You who can, who are so +powerful, don't trample all our happiness under foot." + +"Hurry, hurry; oh, will nobody come to help?" + +"Will you let me go?" + +"No." + +Her strength seemed all at once to leave her. All the fabric of her +character, so mercilessly assaulted, appeared in that moment to reel, +topple, and go crashing to its wreck. She was shattered, broken, +humbled, and beaten down to the dust. Her pride was gone, her faith in +herself was gone, her fine, strong energy was gone. The pity of it, the +grief of it; all that she held dearest; her fine and confident +steadfastness; the great love that had brought such happiness into her +life--that had been her inspiration, all torn from her and tossed aside +like chaff. And her patient--Ferriss, the man who loved her, who had +undergone such suffering, such hardship, who trusted her and whom it was +her duty to nurse back to life and health--if he should perish for want +of her care, then what infinite sorrow, then what endless remorse, then +what long agony of unavailing regret! Her world, her universe grew dark +to her; she was driven from her firm stand. She was lost, she was +whirled away--away with the storm, landmarks obliterated, lights gone; +away with the storm; out into the darkness, out into the void, out into +the waste places and wilderness and trackless desolation. + +"Hurry, oh, hurry!" + +It was too late. She had failed; the mistake had been made, the question +had been decided. That insensate, bestial determination, iron-hearted, +iron-strong, had beaten down opposition, had carried its point. Life and +love had been crushed beneath its trampling without pity, without +hesitation. The tragedy of the hour was done; the tragedy of the long +years to come was just beginning. + +Lloyd sank down in the chair before the table, and the head that she had +held so high bowed down upon her folded arms. The violence of her grief +shook her from head to foot like a dry, light reed. Her heart seemed +literally to be breaking. She must set her teeth with all her strength +to keep from groaning aloud, from crying out in her hopeless sorrow her +impotent shame and despair. + +Once more came the cry for help. Then the house fell silent. The minutes +passed. But for Lloyd's stifled grief there was no sound. +Bennett--leaning heavily against the door, his great shoulders stooping +and bent, his face ashen, his eyes fixed--did not move. He did not speak +to Lloyd. There was no word of comfort he could address to her--that +would have seemed the last mockery. He had prevailed, as he knew he +should, as he knew he must, when once his resolve was taken. The force +that, once it was unleashed, was beyond him to control, had accomplished +its purpose. His will remained unbroken; but at what cost? However, that +was for future consideration. The costs? Had he not his whole life +before him in which to count them? The present moment still called upon +him to act. He looked at his watch. + +The next quarter of an hour was all a confusion to him. Its incidents +refused to define themselves upon his memory when afterward he tried to +recall them. He could remember, however, that when he helped Lloyd into +the carryall that was to take her to the depot in the village she had +shrunk from his touch and had drawn away from him as if from a +criminal--a murderer. He placed her satchel on the front seat with the +driver, and got up beside the driver himself. She had drawn her veil +over her face, and during the drive sat silent and motionless. + +"Can you make it?" asked Bennett of the driver, watch in hand. The time +was of the shortest, but the driver put the whip to his horses and, at a +run, they reached the railway station a few moments ahead of time. +Bennett told the driver to wait, and while Lloyd remained in her place +he bought her ticket for the City. Then he went to the telegraph office +and sent a peremptory despatch to the house on Calumet Square. + +A few moments later the train had come and gone, an abrupt eruption of +roaring iron and shrieking steam. Bennett was left on the platform +alone, watching it lessen to a smoky blur where the rails converged +toward the horizon. For an instant he stood watching, watching a +resistless, iron-hearted force whirling her away, out of his reach, out +of his life. Then he shook himself, turning sharply about. + +"Back to the doctor's house, now," he commanded the driver; "on the run, +you understand." + +But the other protested. His horses were all but exhausted. Twice they +had covered that distance at top speed and under the whip. He refused to +return. Bennett took the young man by the arm and lifted him from his +seat to the ground. Then he sprang to his place and lashed the horses to +a gallop. + +When he arrived at Dr. Pitts's house he did not stop to tie the horses, +but threw the reins over their backs and entered the front hall, out of +breath and panting. But the doctor, during Bennett's absence, had +returned, and it was he who met him half-way up the stairs. + +"How is he?" demanded Bennett. "I have sent for another nurse; she will +be out here on the next train. I wired from the station." + +"The only objection to that," answered the doctor, looking fixedly at +him, "is that it is not necessary. Mr. Ferriss has just died." + + + + +VII. + + +Throughout her ride from Medford to the City it was impossible for +Lloyd, so great was the confusion in her mind, to think connectedly. She +had been so fiercely shocked, so violently shattered and weakened, that +for a time she lacked the power and even the desire to collect and to +concentrate her scattering thoughts. For the time being she felt, but +only dimly, that a great blow had fallen, that a great calamity had +overwhelmed her, but so extraordinary was the condition of her mind that +more than once she found herself calmly awaiting the inevitable moment +when the full extent of the catastrophe would burst upon her. For the +moment she was merely tired. She was willing even to put off this +reaction for a while, willing to remain passive and dizzied and +stupefied, resigning herself helplessly and supinely to the swift +current of events. + +Yet while that part of her mind which registered the greater, deeper, +and more lasting impressions remained inactive, the smaller faculty, +that took cognisance of the little, minute-to-minute matters, was as +busy and bright as ever. It appeared that the blow had been struck over +this latter faculty, and not, as one so often supposes, through it. She +seemed in that hour to understand the reasonableness of this phenomenon, +that before had always appeared so inexplicable, and saw how great +sorrow as well as great joy strikes only at the greater machinery of the +brain, overpassing and ignoring the little wheels and cogs, that work on +as briskly as ever in storm or calm, being moved only by temporary and +trivial emotions and impressions. + +So it was that for upward of an hour while the train carried her swiftly +back to the City, Lloyd sat quietly in her place, watching the landscape +rushing past her and cut into regular divisions by the telegraph poles +like the whirling pictures of a kinetoscope. She noted, and even with +some particularity, the other passengers--a young girl in a smart +tailor-made gown reading a book, cutting the leaves raggedly with a +hairpin; a well-groomed gentleman with a large stomach, who breathed +loudly through his nose; the book agent with his oval boxes of dried +figs and endless thread of talk; a woman with a little boy who wore +spectacles and who was continually making unsteady raids upon the +water-cooler, and the brakeman and train conductor laughing and chatting +in the forward seat. + +She took an interest in every unusual feature of the country through +which the train was speeding, and noted each stop or increase of speed. +She found a certain diversion, as she had often done before, in watching +for the mile-posts and in keeping count of the miles. She even asked the +conductor at what time the train would reach the City, and uttered a +little murmur of vexation when she was told that it was a half-hour +late. The next instant she was asking herself why this delay should seem +annoying to her. Then, toward the close of the afternoon, came the City +itself. First a dull-gray smudge on the horizon, then a world of grimy +streets, rows of miserable tenements festooned with rags, then a tunnel +or two, and at length the echoing glass-arched terminal of the station. +Lloyd alighted, and, remembering that the distance was short, walked +steadily toward her destination till the streets and neighbourhood +became familiar. Suddenly she came into the square. Directly opposite +was the massive granite front of the agency. She paused abruptly. She +was returning to the house after abandoning her post. What was she to +say to them, the other women of her profession? + +Then all at once came the reaction. Instantly the larger machinery of +the mind resumed its functions, the hurt of the blow came back. With a +fierce wrench of pain, the wound reopened, full consciousness returned. +Lloyd remembered then that she had proved false to her trust at a moment +of danger, that Ferriss would probably die because of what she had done, +that her strength of will and of mind wherein she had gloried was broken +beyond redemption; that Bennett had failed her, that her love for him, +the one great happiness of her life, was dead and cold and could never +be revived, and that in the eyes of the world she stood dishonoured and +disgraced. + +Now she must enter that house, now she must face its inmates, her +companions. What to say to them? How explain her defection? How tell +them that she had not left her post of her own will? Lloyd fancied +herself saying in substance that the man who loved her and whom she +loved had made her abandon her patient. She set her teeth. No, not that +confession of miserable weakness; not that of all things. And yet the +other alternative, what was that? It could be only that she had been +afraid--she, Lloyd Searight! Must she, who had been the bravest of them +all, stand before that little band of devoted women in the light of a +self-confessed coward? + +She remembered the case of the young English woman, Harriet Freeze, who, +when called upon to nurse a smallpox patient, had been found wanting in +courage at the crucial moment, and had discovered an excuse for leaving +her post. Miss Freeze had been expelled dishonourably from the midst of +her companions. And now she, Lloyd, standing apparently convicted of the +same dishonour, must face the same tribunal. There was no escape. She +must enter that house, she must endure that ordeal, and this at +precisely the time when her resolution had been shattered, her will +broken, her courage daunted. For a moment the idea of flight suggested +itself to her--she would avoid the issue. She would hide from reproach +and contumely, and without further explanation go back to her place in +the country at Bannister. But the little exigencies of her position made +this impossible. Besides her nurse's bag, her satchel was the only +baggage she had at that moment, and she knew that there was but little +money in her purse. + +All at once she realised that while debating the question she had been +sitting on one of the benches under the trees in the square. The sun was +setting; evening was coming on. Maybe if she waited until six o'clock +she could enter the house while the other nurses were at supper, gain +her room unobserved, then lock herself in and deny herself to all +callers. But Lloyd made a weary, resigned movement of her shoulders. +Sooner or later she must meet them all eye to eye. It would be only +putting off the humiliation. + +She rose, and, turning to the house, began to walk slowly toward it. Why +put it off? It would be as hard at one time as another. But so great was +her sense of shame that even as she walked she fancied that the very +passers-by, the loungers on the benches around the fountain, must know +that here was a disgraced woman. Was it not apparent in her very face, +in the very uncertainty of her gait? She told herself she had not done +wisely to sit even for a moment upon the bench she had just quitted. She +wondered if she had been observed, and furtively glanced about her. +There! Was not that nursemaid studying her too narrowly? And the +policeman close at hand, was he not watching her quizzically? She +quickened her gait, moved with a sudden impulse to get out of sight, to +hide within doors--where? In the house? There where, so soon as she set +foot in it, her companions, the other nurses, must know her dishonour? +Where was she to go? Where to turn? What was to become of her? + +But she _must_ go to the house. It was inevitable. She went forward, as +it were, step by step. That little journey across the square under the +elms and cottonwoods was for her a veritable _chemin de la croix_. Every +step was an agony; every yard covered only brought her nearer the time +and place of exposure. It was all the more humiliating because she knew +that her impelling motive was not one of duty. There was nothing lofty +in the matter--nothing self-sacrificing. She went back because she had +to go back. Little material necessities, almost ludicrous in their +pettiness, forced her on. + +As she came nearer she looked cautiously at the windows of the agency. +Who would be the first to note her home-coming? Would it be Miss +Douglass, or Esther Thielman, or Miss Bergyn, the superintendent nurse? +What would first be said to her? With what words would she respond? Then +how the news of the betrayal of her trust would flash from room to room! +How it would be discussed, how condemned, how deplored! Not one of the +nurses of that little band but would not feel herself hurt by what she +had done--by what she had been forced to do. And the news of her failure +would spread to all her acquaintances and friends throughout the City. +Dr. Street would know it; every physician to whom she had hitherto been +so welcome an aid would know it. In all the hospitals it would be a nine +days' gossip. Campbell would hear of it, and Hattie. + +All at once, within thirty feet of the house, Lloyd turned about and +walked rapidly away from it. The movement was all but involuntary; every +instinct in her, every sense of shame, brusquely revolted. It was +stronger than she. A power, for the moment irresistible, dragged her +back from that doorway. Once entering here, she left all hope behind. +Yet the threshold must be crossed, yet the hope must be abandoned. + +She felt that if she faced about now a second time she would indeed +attract attention. So, while her cheeks flamed hot at the meanness, the +miserable ridiculousness of the imposture, she assumed a brisk, +determined gait, as though she knew just where she were going, and, +turning out of the square down a by-street, walked around the block, +even stopping once or twice before a store, pretending an interest in +the display. It seemed to her that by now everybody in the streets must +have noted that there was something wrong with her. Twice as a passer-by +brushed past her she looked back to see if he was watching her. How to +live through the next ten minutes? If she were only in her room, bolted +in, locked and double-locked in. Why was there not some back way through +which she could creep to that seclusion? + +And so it was that Lloyd came back to the house she had built, to the +little community she had so proudly organised, to the agency she had +founded, and with her own money endowed and supported. + +At last she found herself at the bottom of the steps, her foot upon the +lowest one, her hand clasping the heavy bronze rail. There was no going +back now. She went up and pushed the button of the electric bell, and +then, the step once taken, the irrevocable once dared, something like +the calmness of resignation came to her. There was no help for it. Now +for the ordeal. Rownie opened the door for her with a cheery welcome. +Lloyd was dimly conscious that the girl said something about her mail, +and that she was just in time for supper. But the hall and stairway were +deserted and empty, while from the dining-room came a subdued murmur of +conversation and the clink of dishes. The nurses were at supper, as +Lloyd had hoped. The moment favoured her, and she brushed by Rownie, and +almost ran, panic-stricken and trembling, up the stairs. + +She gained the hall of the second floor. There was the door of her room +standing ajar. With a little gasp of infinite relief, she hurried to it, +entered, shut and locked and bolted it behind her, and, casting her +satchel and handbag from her, flung herself down upon the great couch, +and buried her head deep among the cushions. + +At Lloyd's abrupt entrance Miss Douglass turned about from the +book-shelves in an angle of the room and stared a moment in no little +surprise. Then she exclaimed: + +"Why, Lloyd, why, what is it--what is the matter?" + +Lloyd sprang up sharply at the sound of her voice, and then sank down to +a sitting posture upon the edge of the couch. Quietly enough she said: + +"Oh, is it you? I didn't know--expect to find any one--" + +"You don't mind, do you? I just ran in to get a book--something to read. +I've had a headache all day, and didn't go down to supper." + +Lloyd nodded. "Of course--I don't mind," she said, a little wearily. + +"But tell me," continued the fever nurse, "whatever is the matter? When +you came in just now--I never saw you so--oh, I understand, your case at +Medford--" + +Lloyd's hands closed tight upon the edge of the couch. + +"No one could have got a patient through when the fever had got as far +as that," continued the other. "This must have been the fifth or sixth +week. The second telegram came just in time to prevent my going. I was +just going out of the door when the boy came with it." + +"You? What telegram?" inquired Lloyd. + +"Yes, I was on call. The first despatch asking for another extra nurse +came about two o'clock. The four-twenty was the first train I could have +taken--the two-forty-five express is a through train and don't stop at +Medford--and, as I say, I was just going out of the door when Dr. +Pitts's second despatch came, countermanding the first, and telling us +that the patient had died. It seems that it was one of the officers of +the Freja expedition. We didn't know--" + +"Died?" interrupted Lloyd, looking fixedly at her. + +"But Lloyd, you mustn't take it so to heart. You couldn't have got him +through. No one could at that time. He was probably dying when you were +sent for. We must all lose a case now and then." + +"Died?" repeated Lloyd; "Dr. Pitts wired that Mr. Ferriss died?" + +"Yes; it was to prevent my coming out there uselessly. He must have sent +the wire quite an hour before you left. It was very thoughtful of him." + +"He's dead," said Lloyd in a low, expressionless voice, looking vacantly +about the room. "Mr. Ferriss is dead." Then suddenly she put a fist to +either temple, horror-struck and for the moment shaken with hysteria +from head to foot, her eyes widening with an expression almost of +terror. "Dead!" she cried. "Oh, it's horrible! Why didn't I--why +couldn't I--" + +"I know just how you feel," answered Miss Douglass soothingly. "I am +that way myself sometimes. It's not professional, I know, but when you +have been successful in two or three bad cases you think you can always +win; and then when you lose the next case you believe that somehow it +must have been your fault--that if you had been a little more careful at +just that moment, or done a little different in that particular point, +you might have saved your patient. But you, of all people, ought not to +feel like that. If you could not have saved your case nobody could." + +"It was just because I had the case that it was lost." + +"Nonsense, Lloyd; don't talk like that. You've not had enough sleep; +your nerves have been over-strained. You're worn out and a little +hysterical and morbid. Now lie down and keep quiet, and I'll bring you +your supper. You need a good night's sleep and bromide of potassium." + +When she had gone Lloyd rose to her feet and drew her hand wearily +across her eyes. The situation adjusted itself in her mind. After the +first recoil of horror at Ferriss's death she was able to see the false +position in which she stood. She had been so certain already that +Ferriss would die, leaving him as she did at so critical a moment, that +now the sharpness of Miss Douglass's news was blunted a little. She had +only been unprepared for the suddenness of the shock. But now she +understood clearly how Miss Douglass had been deceived by circumstances. +The fever nurse had heard of Ferriss's death early in the afternoon, and +supposed, of course, that Lloyd had left the case _after_, and not +before, it had occurred. This was the story the other nurses would +believe. Instantly, in the flood of grief and remorse and humiliation +that had overwhelmed her, Lloyd caught at this straw of hope. Only Dr. +Pitts and Bennett knew the real facts. Bennett, of course, would not +speak, and Lloyd knew that the physician would understand the cruelty +and injustice of her situation, and because of that would also keep +silence. To make sure of this she could write him a letter, or, better +still, see him personally. It would be hard to tell him the truth. But +that was nothing when compared with the world's denunciation of her. + +If she had really been false to her charge, if she had actually flinched +and faltered at the crucial moment, had truly been the coward, this +deception which had been thrust upon her at the moment of her return to +the house, this part which it was so easy to play, would have been a +hideous and unspeakable hypocrisy. But Lloyd had not faltered, had not +been false. In her heart of hearts she had been true to herself and to +her trust. How would she deceive her companions then by allowing them to +continue in the belief of her constancy, fidelity, and courage? What she +hid from them, or rather what they could not see, was a state of things +that it was impossible for any one but herself to understand. She could +not--no woman could--bring herself to confess to another woman what had +happened that day at Medford. It would be believed that she could have +stayed at her patient's bedside if she had so desired. No one who did +not know Bennett could understand the terrible, vast force of the man. + +Try as she would, Lloyd could not but think first of herself at this +moment. Bennett was ignored, forgotten. Once she had loved him, but that +was all over now. The thought of Ferriss's death, for which in a manner +she had been forced to be responsible, came rushing to her mind from +time to time, and filled her with a horror and, at times, even a +perverse sense of remorse, almost beyond words. But Lloyd's pride, her +self-confidence, her strength of character and independence had been +dearer to her than almost anything in life. So she told herself, and, at +that moment, honestly believed. And though she knew that her pride had +been humbled, it was not gone, and enough of it remained to make her +desire and strive to keep the fact a secret from the world. It seemed +very easy. She would only have to remain passive. Circumstances acted +for her. + +Miss Douglass returned, followed by Rownie carrying a tray. When the +mulatto had gone, after arranging Lloyd's supper on a little table near +the couch, the fever nurse drew up a chair. + +"Now we can talk," she said, "unless you are too tired. I've been so +interested in this case at Medford. Tell me what was the immediate cause +of death; was it perforation or just gradual collapse?" + +"It was neither," said Lloyd quickly. "It was a hemorrhage." + +She had uttered the words with as little consciousness as a phonograph, +and the lie had escaped her before she was aware. How did she know what +had been the immediate cause of death? What right had she to speak? Why +was it that all at once a falsehood had come so easy to her, to her +whose whole life until then had been so sincere, so genuine? + +"A hemorrhage?" repeated the other. "Had there been many before then? +Was there coma vigil when the end came? I--" + +"Oh," cried Lloyd with a quick gesture of impatience, "don't, don't ask +me any more. I am tired--nervous; I am worn out." + +"Yes, of course you must be," answered the fever nurse. "We won't talk +any more about it." + +That night and the following day were terrible. Lloyd neither ate nor +slept. Not once did she set foot out of her room, giving out that she +was ill, which was not far from the truth, and keeping to herself and to +the companionship of the thoughts and terrors that crowded her mind. +Until that day at Medford her life had run easily and happily and in +well-ordered channels. She was successful in her chosen profession and +work. She imagined herself to be stronger and of finer fibre than most +other women, and her love for Bennett had lent a happiness and a +sweetness to her life dear to her beyond all words. Suddenly, and within +an hour's time, she had lost everything. Her will had been broken, her +spirit crushed; she had been forced to become fearfully instrumental in +causing the death of her patient--a man who loved and trusted her--while +her love for Bennett, which for years had been her deep and abiding joy, +the one great influence of her life, was cold and dead, and could never +be revived. + +This in the end came to be Lloyd's greatest grief. She could forget that +she herself had been humbled and broken. Horrible, unspeakably horrible, +as Ferriss's death seemed to her, it was upon Bennett, and not upon her, +that its responsibility must be laid. She had done what she could. Of +that she was assured. But, first and above all things, Lloyd was a +woman, and her love for Bennett was a very different matter. + +When, during that never-to-be-forgotten scene in the breakfast-room of +the doctor's house, she had warned Bennett that if he persisted in his +insane resolution he would stamp out her affection for him, Lloyd had +only half believed what she said. But when at last it dawned upon her +that she had spoken wiser than she knew, that this was actually true, +and that now, no matter how she might desire it, she could not love him +any longer, it seemed as though her heart must break. It was precisely +as though Bennett himself, the Bennett she had known, had been blotted +out of existence. It was much worse than if Bennett had merely died. +Even then he would have still existed for her, somewhere. As it was, the +man she had known simply ceased to be, irrevocably, finally, and the +warmth of her love dwindled and grew cold, because now there was nothing +left for it to feed upon. + +Never until then had Lloyd realised how much he had been to her; how he +had not only played so large a part in her life, but how he had become a +very part of her life itself. Her love for him had been like the air, +like the sunlight; was delicately knitted and intertwined into all the +innumerable intricacies of her life and character. Literally, not an +hour had ever passed that, directly or indirectly, he had not occupied +her thoughts. He had been her inspiration; he had made her want to be +brave and strong and determined, and it was because of him that the +greater things of the world interested her. She had chosen a work to be +done because he had set her an example. So only that she preserved her +womanliness, she, too, wanted to count, to help on, to have her place in +the world's progress. In reality all her ambitions and hopes had been +looking toward one end only, that she might be his equal; that he might +find in her a companion and a confidante; one who could share his +enthusiasms and understand his vast projects and great aims. + +And how had he treated her when at last opportunity had been given her +to play her part, to be courageous and strong, to prevail against great +odds, while he stood by to see? He had ignored and misunderstood, and +tossed aside as childish and absurd that which she had been building up +for years. Instead of appreciating her heroism he had forced her to +become a coward in the eyes of the world. She had hoped to be his equal, +and he had treated her as a school-girl. It had all been a mistake. She +was not and could not be the woman she had hoped. He was not and never +had been the man she had imagined. They had nothing in common. + +But it was not easy to give Bennett up, to let him pass out of her life. +She wanted to love him yet. With all her heart and strength, in spite of +everything--woman that she was, she had come to that--in spite of +everything she wanted to love him. Though he had broken her will, +thwarted her ambitions, ignored her cherished hopes, misunderstood and +mistaken her, yet, if she could, Lloyd would yet have loved him, loved +him even for the very fact that he had been stronger than she. + +Again and again she tried to awaken this dead affection, to call back +this vanished love. She tried to remember the Bennett she had known; she +told herself that he loved her; that he had said that the great things +he had done had been done only with an eye to her approval; that she had +been his inspiration no less than he had been hers; that he had fought +his way back, not only to life, but to her. She thought of all he had +suffered, of the hardships and privations beyond her imagination to +conceive, that he had undergone. She tried to recall the infinite joy of +that night when the news of his safe return had come to her; she thought +of him at his very best--how he had always seemed to her the type of the +perfect man, masterful, aggressive, accomplishing great projects with an +energy and determination almost superhuman, one of the world's great +men, whose name the world still shouted. She called to mind how the very +ruggedness of his face; with its massive lines and harsh angles, had +attracted her; how she had been proud of his giant's strength, the vast +span of his shoulders, the bull-like depth of his chest, the sense of +enormous physical power suggested by his every movement. + +But it was all of no effect. That Bennett was worse than dead to her. +The Bennett that now came to her mind and imagination was the brutal, +perverse man of the breakfast-room at Medford, coarse, insolent, +intractable, stamping out all that was finest in her, breaking and +flinging away the very gifts he had inspired her to offer him. It was +nothing to him that she should stand degraded in the eyes of the world. +He did not want her to be brave and strong. She had been wrong; it was +not that kind of woman he desired. He had not acknowledged that she, +too, as well as he--a woman as well as a man might have her principles, +her standards of honour, her ideas of duty. It was not her character, +then, that he prized; the nobility of her nature was nothing to him; he +took no thought of the fine-wrought texture of her mind. How, then, did +she appeal to him? It was not her mind; it was not her soul. What, then, +was left? Nothing but the physical. The shame of it; the degradation of +it! To be so cruelly mistaken in the man she loved, to be able to appeal +to him only on his lower side! Lloyd clasped her hands over her eyes, +shutting her teeth hard against a cry of grief and pain and impotent +anger. No, no, now it was irrevocable; now her eyes were opened. The +Bennett she had known and loved had been merely a creature of her own +imagining; the real man had suddenly discovered himself; and this man, +in spite of herself, she hated as a victim hates its tyrant. + +But her grief for her vanished happiness--the happiness that this love, +however mistaken, had brought into her life--was pitiful. Lloyd could +not think of it without the choke coming to her throat and the tears +brimming her dull-blue eyes, while at times a veritable paroxysm of +sorrow seized upon her and flung her at full length upon her couch, her +face buried and her whole body shaken with stifled sobs. It was gone, it +was gone, and could never be called back. What was there now left to her +to live for? Why continue her profession? Why go on with the work? What +pleasure now in striving and overcoming? Where now was the exhilaration +of battle with the Enemy, even supposing she yet had the strength to +continue the fight? Who was there now to please, to approve, to +encourage? To what end the days of grave responsibilities, the long, +still nights of vigil? + +She began to doubt herself. Bennett, the man, had loved his work for its +own sake. But how about herself, the woman? In what spirit had she gone +about her work? Had she been genuine, after all? Had she not undertaken +it rather as a means than as an end--not because she cared for it, but +because she thought he would approve, because she had hoped by means of +the work she would come into closer companionship with him? She wondered +if this must always be so--the man loving the work for the work's sake; +the woman, more complex, weaker, and more dependent, doing the work only +in reference to the man. + +But often she distrusted her own conclusions, and, no doubt, rightly so. +Her mind was yet too confused to reason calmly, soberly, and accurately. +Her distress was yet too keen, too poignant to permit her to be logical. +At one time she was almost ready to admit that she had misjudged +Bennett; that, though he had acted cruelly and unjustly, he had done +what he thought was best. His sacrifice of Ferriss was sufficient +guarantee of his sincerity. But this mistrust of herself did not affect +her feeling toward him. There were moments when she condoned his +offence; there was never an instant she did not hate him. + +And this sentiment of hatred itself, independent of and apart from its +object, was distasteful and foreign to her. Never in her life had Lloyd +hated any one before. To be kind, to be gentle, to be womanly was her +second nature, and kindness, gentleness, and womanliness were qualities +that her profession only intensified and deepened. This newcomer in her +heart, this fierce, evil visitor, that goaded her and pricked and +harried her from day to day and throughout so many waking nights, that +roused the unwonted flash in her eye and drove the hot, angry blood to +her smooth, white forehead and knotted her levelled brows to a dark and +lowering frown, had entered her life and being, unsought for and +undesired. It did not belong to her world. Yet there it sat on its +usurped throne deformed and hideous, driving out all tenderness and +compunction, ruling her with a rod of iron, hardening her, embittering +her, and belittling her, making a mockery of all sweetness, fleering at +nobility and magnanimity, lowering the queen to the level of the +fishwife. + +When the first shock of the catastrophe had spent its strength and Lloyd +perforce must turn again to the life she had to live, groping for its +scattered, tangled ends, piecing together again as best she might its +broken fragments, she set herself honestly to drive this hatred from her +heart. If she could not love Bennett, at least she need not hate him. +She was moved to this by no feeling of concern for Bennett. It was not a +consideration that she owed to him, but something rather that was due to +herself. Yet, try as she would, the hatred still remained. She could not +put it from her. Hurt her and contaminate her as it did, in spite of all +her best efforts, in spite of her very prayers, the evil thing abode +with her, deep-rooted, strong, malignant. She saw that in the end she +would continue in her profession, but she believed that she could not go +on with it consistently, based as it was upon sympathy and love and +kindness, while a firm-seated, active hatred dwelt with her, harassing +her at every moment, and perverting each good impulse and each unselfish +desire. It was an ally of the very Enemy she would be called upon to +fight, a traitor that at any moment might open the gates to his +triumphant entry. + +But was this his only ally; was this the only false and ugly invader +that had taken advantage of her shattered defence? Had the unwelcome +visitor entered her heart alone? Was there not a companion still more +wicked, more perverted, more insidious, more dangerous? For the first +time Lloyd knew what it meant to deceive. + +It was supposed by her companions, and accepted by them as a matter of +course, that she had not left the bedside of her patient until after his +death. At first she had joyfully welcomed this mistake as her salvation, +the one happy coincidence that was to make her life possible, and for a +time had ceased to think about it. That phase of the incident was +closed. Matters would readjust themselves. In a few days' time the +incident would be forgotten. But she found that she herself could not +forget it, and that as days went on the idea of this passive, silent +deception she was obliged to maintain occurred to her oftener and +oftener. She remembered again how glibly and easily she had lied to her +friend upon the evening of her return. How was it that the lie had +flowed so smoothly from her lips? To her knowledge she had never +deliberately lied before. She would have supposed that, because of this +fact, falsehood would come difficult to her, that she would have +bungled, hesitated, stammered. But it was the reverse that had been the +case. The facility with which she had uttered the lie was what now began +to disturb and to alarm her. It argued some sudden collapse of her whole +system of morals, some fundamental disarrangement of the entire machine. + +Abruptly she recoiled. Whither was she tending? If she supinely resigned +herself to the current of circumstance, where would she be carried? Yet +how was she to free herself from the current, how to face this new +situation that suddenly presented itself at a time when she had fancied +the real shock of battle and contention was spent and past? + +How was she to go back now? How could she retrace her steps? There was +but one way--correct the false impression. It would not be necessary to +acknowledge that she had been forced to leave her post; the essential +was that her companions should know that she had deceived them--that she +had left the bedside before her patient's death. But at the thought of +making such confession, public as it must be, everything that was left +of her wounded pride revolted. She who had been so firm, she who had +held so tenaciously to her principles, she who had posed before them as +an example of devotion and courage--she could not bring herself to that. + +"No, no," she exclaimed as this alternative presented itself to her +mind. "No, I cannot. It is beyond me. I simply cannot do it." + +But she could. Yes, she could do it if she would. Deep down in her mind +that little thought arose. She could if she wanted to. Hide it though +she might, cover it and bury it with what false reasoning she could +invent, the little thought would not be smothered, would not be crushed +out. Well, then, she would not. Was it not her chance; was not this +deception which others and not herself had created, her opportunity to +recover herself, to live down what had been done--what she had been +forced to do, rather? Absolute right was never to be attained; was not +life to be considered rather in the light of a compromise between good +and evil? To do what one could under the circumstances, was not that the +golden mean? + +But she ought. And, quick, another little thought sprang up in the +deeper recesses of her mind and took its place beside the other. It was +right that she should be true. She ought to do the right. Argument, the +pleas of weakness, the demands of expediency, the plausibility of +compromise were all of no avail. The idea "I ought" persisted and +persisted and persisted. She could and she ought. There was no excuse +for her, and no sooner had she thrust aside the shifty mass of +sophistries under which she had striven to conceal them, no sooner had +she let in the light, than these two conceptions of Duty and Will began +suddenly to grow. + +But what was she to gain? What would be the result of such a course as +her conscience demanded she should adopt? It was inevitable that she +would be misunderstood, cruelly misjudged. What action would her +confession entail? She could not say. But results did not matter; what +she was to gain or lose did not matter. Around her and before her all +was dark and vague and terrible. If she was to escape there was but one +thing to do. Suddenly her own words came back to her: + +"All we can do is to hold to what we know is right, and trust that +everything will come well in the end." + +She knew what was right, and she had the strength to hold to it. Then +all at once there came to Lloyd a grand, breathless sense of uplifting, +almost a transfiguration. She felt herself carried high above the sphere +of little things, the region of petty considerations What did she care +for consequences, what mattered to her the unjust condemnation of her +world, if only she remained true to herself, if only she did right? What +did she care for what she gained? It was no longer a question of gain or +loss--it was a question of being true and strong and brave. The conflict +of that day at Medford between the man's power and the woman's +resistance had been cruel, the crisis had been intense, and though she +had been conquered then, had it, after all, been beyond recall? No, she +was not conquered. No, she was not subdued. Her will had not been +broken, her courage had not been daunted, her strength had not been +weakened. Here was the greater fight, here was the higher test. Here was +the ultimate, supreme crisis of all, and here, at last, come what might, +she would not, would not, would not fail. + +As soon as Lloyd reached this conclusion she sat about carrying her +resolution into effect. + +"If I don't do it now while I'm strong," she told herself, "if I wait, I +never will do it." + +Perhaps there was yet a touch of the hysterical in her actions even +then. The jangled feminine nerves were yet vibrating far above their +normal pitch; she was overwrought and oversensitive, for just as a +fanatic rushes eagerly upon the fire and the steel, preferring the more +exquisite torture, so Lloyd sought out the more painful situation, the +more trying ordeal, the line of action that called for the greatest +fortitude, the most unflinching courage. + +She chose to make known her real position, to correct the false +impression at a time when all the nurses of the house should be +together. This would be at supper-time. Since her return from Medford, +Lloyd had shut herself away from the other inmates of the house, and had +taken her meals in her room. With the exception of Miss Douglass and the +superintendent nurse no one had seen her. She had passed her time lying +at full length upon her couch, her hands clasped behind her head, or +pacing the floor, or gazing listlessly out of her windows, while her +thoughts raced at a gallop through her mind. + +Now, however, she bestirred herself. She had arrived at her final +decision early in the afternoon of the third day after her return, and +at once she resolved that she would endure the ordeal that very evening. + +She passed the intervening time, singularly enough, in very carefully +setting her room to rights, adjusting and readjusting the few ornaments +on the mantel-shelf and walls, winding the clock that struck ship's +bells instead of the hours, and minutely sorting the letters and papers +in her desk. It was the same as if she were going upon a long journey or +were preparing for a great sickness. Toward four o'clock Miss Douglass, +looking in to ask how she did, found her before her mirror carefully +combing and arranging her great bands and braids of dark-red hair. The +fever nurse declared that she was immensely improved in appearance, and +asked at once if she was not feeling better. + +"Yes," answered Lloyd, "very much better," adding: "I shall be down to +supper to-night." + +For some reason that she could not explain Lloyd took unusual pains with +her toilet, debating long over each detail of dress and ornament. At +length, toward five o'clock, she was ready, and sat down by her window, +a book in her lap, to await the announcement of supper as the condemned +await the summons to execution. + +Her plan was to delay her appearance in the dining-room until she was +sure that everybody was present; then she would go down, and, standing +there before them all, say what she had to say, state the few bald facts +of the case, without excuse or palliation, and leave them to draw the +one inevitable conclusion. + +But this final hour of waiting was a long agony for Lloyd. Her moods +changed with every moment; the action she contemplated presented itself +to her mind in a multitude of varying lights. At one time she quivered +with the apprehension of it, as though at the slow approach of hot +irons. At another she could see no reason for being greatly concerned +over the matter. Did the whole affair amount to so much, after all? Her +companions would, of their own accord, make excuses for her. Risking +one's life in the case of a virulent, contagious disease was no small +matter. No one could be blamed for leaving such a case. At one moment +Lloyd's idea of public confession seemed to her little less than +sublime; at another, almost ridiculous. But she remembered the case of +Harriet Freeze, who had been unable to resist the quiet, unexpressed +force of opinion of her fellow-workers. It would be strange if Lloyd +should find herself driven from the very house she had built. + +The hour before supper-time seemed interminable; the quarter passed, +then the half, then the three-quarters. Lloyd imagined she began to +detect a faint odour of the kitchen in the air. Suddenly the remaining +minutes of the hour began to be stricken from the dial of her clock with +bewildering rapidity. From the drawing-room immediately below came the +sounds of the piano. That was Esther Thielman, no doubt, playing one of +her interminable Polish compositions. All at once the piano stopped, +and, with a quick sinking of the heart, Lloyd heard the sliding doors +separating the drawing-room from the dining-room roll back. Miss +Douglass and another one of the nurses, Miss Truslow, a young girl, a +newcomer in the house, came out of the former's room and went +downstairs, discussing the merits of burlap as preferable to wall-paper. +Lloyd even heard Miss Truslow remark: + +"Yes, that's very true, but if it isn't sized it will wrinkle in damp +weather." + +Rownie came to Lloyd's door and knocked, and, without waiting for a +reply, said: + +"Dinneh's served, Miss Searight," and Lloyd heard her make the same +announcement at Miss Bergyn's room farther down the hall. One by one +Lloyd heard the others go downstairs. The rooms and hallways on the +second floor fell quiet. A faint, subdued murmur of talk came to her +ears in the direction of the dining-room. Lloyd waited for five, for +ten, for fifteen minutes. Then she rose, drawing in her breath, +straightening herself to her full height. She went to the door, then +paused for a moment, looking back at all the familiar objects--the +plain, rich furniture, the book-shelves, the great, comfortable couch, +the old-fashioned round mirror that hung between the windows, and her +writing-desk of blackened mahogany. It seemed to her that in some way +she was never to see these things again, as if she were saying good-bye +to them and to the life she had led in that room and in their +surroundings. She would be a different woman when she came back to that +room. Slowly she descended the stairs and halted for a moment in the +hall below. It was not too late to turn back even now. She could hear +her companions at their supper very plainly, and could distinguish +Esther Thielman's laugh as she exclaimed: + +"Why, of course, that's the very thing I mean." + +It was a strange surprise that Lloyd had in store for them all. Her +heart began to beat heavy and thick. Could she even find her voice to +speak when the time came? Would it not be better to put it off, to think +over the whole matter again between now and to-morrow morning? But she +moved her head impatiently. No, she would not turn back. She found that +the sliding doors in the drawing-room had been closed, and so went to +the door that opened into the dining-room from the hall itself. It stood +ajar. Lloyd pushed it open, entered, and, closing the door behind her, +stood there leaning against it. + +The table was almost full; only two or three places besides her own were +unoccupied. There was Miss Bergyn at the head; the fever nurse, Miss +Douglass, at her right, and, lower down, Lloyd saw Esther Thielman; +Delia Craig, just back from a surgical case of Dr. Street's; Miss Page, +the oldest and most experienced nurse of them all; Gilbertson, whom +every one called by her last name; Miss Ives and Eleanor Bogart, who had +both taken doctors' degrees, and could have practised if they had +desired; Miss Wentworth, who had served an apprenticeship in a +missionary hospital in Armenia, and had known Clara Barton, and, last of +all, the newcomer, Miss Truslow, very young and very pretty, who had +never yet had a case, and upon whose diploma the ink was hardly dry. + +At first, so quietly had she entered, no one took any notice of Lloyd, +and she stood a moment, her back to the door, wondering how she should +begin. Everybody seemed to be in the best of humour; a babel of talk was +in the air; conversations were going forward, carried on across the +table, or over intervening shoulders. + +"Why, of course, don't you see, that's the very thing I meant--" + +"--I think you can get that already sized, though, and with a stencil +figure if you want it--" + +"--Really, it's very interesting; the first part is stupid, but she has +some very good ideas." + +"--Yes, at Vanoni's. But we get a reduction, you know--" + +"--and, oh, listen; this is too funny; she turned around and said, very +prim and stiff, 'No, indeed; I'm too old a woman.' Funny! If I think of +that on my deathbed I shall laugh--" + +"--and so that settled it. How could I go on after that--?" + +"--Must you tack it on? The walls are so hard--" + +"Let Rownie do it; she knows. Oh, here's the invalid!" + +"Oh, why, it's Lloyd! We're so glad you're able to come down!" + +But when they had done exclaiming over her reappearance among them Lloyd +still remained as she was, her back against the door, standing very +straight, her hands at her side. She did not immediately reply. Heads +were turned in her direction. The talk fell away by rapid degrees as +they began to notice the paleness of her face and the strange, firm set +of her mouth. + +"Sit down, Lloyd," said Miss Bergyn; "don't stand. You are not very well +yet; I'll have Rownie bring you a glass of sherry." + +There was a silence. Then at length: + +"No," said Lloyd quietly. "I don't want any sherry. I don't want any +supper. I came down to tell you that you are all wrong in thinking I did +what I could with my typhoid case at Medford. You think I left only +after the patient had died. I did not; I left before. There was a crisis +of some kind. I don't know what it was, because I was not in the +sick-room at the time, and I did not go when I was called. The doctor +was not there either; he had gone out and left the case in my charge. +There was nobody with the patient but a servant. The servant called me, +but I did not go. Instead I came away and left the house. The patient +died that same day. It is that that I wanted to tell you. Do you all +understand--perfectly? I left my patient at the moment of a crisis, and +with no one with him but a servant. And he died that same afternoon." + +Then she went out, and the closing of the door jarred sharply upon the +great silence that had spread throughout the room. + +Lloyd went back to her room, closed and locked the door, and, sinking +down upon the floor by the couch, bowed her head upon her folded arms. +But she was in no mood for weeping, and her eyes were dry. She was +conscious chiefly that she had taken an irrevocable step, that her head +had begun to ache. There was no exhilaration in her mind now; she did +not feel any of the satisfaction of attainment after struggle, of +triumph after victory. More than once she even questioned herself if, +after all, her confession had been necessary. But now she was weary unto +death of the whole wretched business. Now she only knew that her head +was aching fiercely; she did not care either to look into the past or +forward into the future. The present occupied her; for the present her +head was aching. + +But before Lloyd went to bed that night Miss Bergyn knew the whole truth +as to what had happened at Dr. Pitts's house. The superintendent nurse +had followed Lloyd to her room almost immediately, and would not be +denied. She knew very well that Lloyd Searight had never left a dying +patient of her own volition. Intuitively she guessed at something +hidden. + +"Lloyd," she said decisively, "don't ask me to believe that you went of +your own free will. Tell me just what happened. Why did you go? Ask me +to believe anything but that you--no, I won't say the word. There was +some very good reason, wasn't there?" + +"I--I cannot explain," Lloyd answered. "You must think what you choose. +You wouldn't understand." + +But, happily, when Lloyd's reticence finally broke Miss Bergyn did +understand. The superintendent nurse knew Bennett only by report. But +Lloyd she had known for years, and realised that if she had yielded, it +had only been after the last hope had been tried. In the end Lloyd told +her everything that had occurred. But, though she even admitted +Bennett's affection for her, she said nothing about herself, and Miss +Bergyn did not ask. + +"I know, of course," said the superintendent nurse at length, "you hate +to think that you were made to go; but men are stronger than women, +Lloyd, and such a man as that must be stronger than most men. You were +not to blame because you left the case, and you are certainly not to +blame for Mr. Ferriss's death. Now I shall give it out here in the house +that you had a very good reason for leaving your case, and that while we +can't explain it any more particularly, I have had a talk with you and +know all about it, and am perfectly satisfied. Then I shall go out to +Medford and see Dr. Pitts. It would be best," she added, for Lloyd had +made a gesture of feeble dissent. "He must understand perfectly, and we +need not be afraid of any talk about the matter at all. What has +happened has happened 'in the profession,' and I don't believe it will +go any further." + + * * * * * + +Lloyd returned to Bannister toward the end of the week. How long she +would remain she did not know, but for the present the association of +the other nurses was more than she was able to bear. Later, when the +affair had become something of an old story, she would return, resuming +her work as though nothing had happened. + +Hattie met her at the railway station with the phaeton and the ponies. +She was radiant with delight at the prospect of having Lloyd all to +herself for an indefinite period of time. + +"And you didn't get sick, after all?" she exclaimed, clasping her hands. +"Was your patient as sick as I was? Weren't his parents glad that you +made him well again?" + +Lloyd put her hand over the little girl's mouth. + +"Let us not talk any 'shop,' Hattie," she said, trying to smile. + +But on the morning after her arrival Lloyd woke in her own white room of +the old farmhouse, abruptly conscious of some subtle change that had +occurred to her overnight. For the first time since the scene in the +breakfast-room at Medford she was aware of a certain calmness that had +come to her. Perhaps she had at last begun to feel the good effects of +the trial by fire which she had voluntarily undergone--to know a certain +happiness that now there was no longer any deceit in her heart. This she +had uprooted and driven out by force of her own will. It was gone. But +now, on this morning, she seemed to feel that this was not all. + +Something else had left her--something that of late had harassed her and +goaded her and embittered her life, and mocked at her gentleness and +kindness, was gone. That fierce, truculent hatred that she had so +striven to put from her, now behold! of its own accord, it had seemed to +leave her. How had it happened? Before she had dared the ordeal of +confession this feeling of hatred, this perverse and ugly changeling +that had brooded in her heart, had seemed too strong, too deeply seated +to be moved. Now, suddenly, it had departed, unbidden, without effort on +her part. + +Vaguely Lloyd wondered at this thing. In driving deceit from her it +would appear that she had also driven out hatred, that the one could not +stay so soon as the other had departed. Could the one exist apart from +the other? Was there, then, some strange affinity in all evil, as, +perhaps, in all good, so that a victory over one bad impulse meant a +victory over many? Without thought of gain or of reward, she had held to +what was right through the confusion and storm and darkness. Was this to +be, after all, her reward, her gain? Possibly; but she could not tell, +she could not see. The confusion was subsiding, the storm had passed, +but much of the darkness yet remained. Deceit she had fought from out +her heart; silently Hatred had stolen after it. Love had not returned to +his old place, and never, never would, but the changeling was gone, and +the house was swept and garnished. + + + + +VIII. + + +The day after the funeral, Bennett returned alone to Dr. Pitts's house +at Medford, and the same evening his trunks and baggage, containing his +papers--the records, observations, journals, and log-books of the +expedition--followed him. + +As Bennett entered the gate of the place that he had chosen to be his +home for the next year, he was aware that the windows of one of the +front rooms upon the second floor were wide open, the curtains tied up +into loose knots; inside a servant came and went, putting the room to +rights again, airing it and changing the furniture. In the road before +the house he had seen the marks of the wheels of the undertaker's wagon +where it had been backed up to the horse-block. As he closed the front +door behind him and stood for a moment in the hallway, his valise in his +hand, he saw, hanging upon one of the pegs of the hat-rack, the hat +Ferriss had last worn. Bennett put down his valise quickly, and, +steadying himself against the wall, leaned heavily against it, drawing a +deep breath, his eyes closing. + +The house was empty and, but for the occasional subdued noises that came +from the front room at the end of the hall, silent. Bennett picked up +his valise again and went upstairs to the rooms that had been set apart +for him. He did not hang his hat upon the hat-rack, but carried it with +him. + +The housekeeper, who met him at the head of the stairs and showed him +the way to his apartments, inquired of him as to the hours he wished to +have his meals served. Bennett told her, and then added: + +"I will have all my meals in the breakfast-room, the one you call the +glass-room, I believe. And as soon as the front room is ready I shall +sleep there. That will be my room after this." + +The housekeeper stared. "It won't be quite safe, sir, for some time. The +doctor gave very strict orders about ventilating it and changing the +furniture." + +Bennett merely nodded as if to say he understood, and the housekeeper +soon after left him to himself. The afternoon passed, then the evening. +Such supper as Bennett could eat was served according to his orders in +the breakfast-room. Afterward he called Kamiska, and went for a long +walk over the country roads in a direction away from the town, +proceeding slowly, his hands clasped behind his back. Later, toward ten +o'clock, he returned. He went upstairs toward his room with the +half-formed idea of looking over and arranging his papers before going +to bed. Sleep he could not; he foresaw that clearly. + +But Bennett was not yet familiar with the arrangement of the house. His +mind was busy with other things; he was thoughtful, abstracted, and upon +reaching the stair landing on the second floor, turned toward the front +of the house when he should have turned toward the rear. He entered what +he supposed to be his room, lit the gas, then stared about him in some +perplexity. + +The room he was in was almost bare of furniture. Even part of the carpet +had been taken up. The windows were wide open; a stale odour of drugs +pervaded the air, while upon the bed nothing remained but the mattress +and bolster. For a moment Bennett looked about him bewildered, then he +started sharply. This was--had been--the sick-room. Here, upon that bed, +Ferriss had died; here had been enacted one scene in the terrible drama +wherein he, Bennett, had played so conspicuous a part. + +As Bennett stood there looking about him, one hand upon the foot-board of +the bed, a strange, formless oppression of the spirit weighed heavily +upon him. He seemed to see upon that naked bed the wasted, +fever-stricken body of the dearest friend he had ever known. It was as +though Ferriss were lying in state there, with black draperies hung +about the bier and candles burning at the head and foot. Death had been +in that room. Empty though it was, a certain religious solemnity, almost +a certain awe, seemed to bear down upon the senses. Before he knew it +Bennett found himself kneeling at the denuded bed, his face buried, his +arms flung wide across the place where Ferriss had last reposed. + +He could not say how long he remained thus--perhaps ten minutes, perhaps +an hour. He seemed to come to himself once more when he stepped out into +the hall again, closing and locking the door of the death-room behind +him. But now all thought of work had left him. In the morning he would +arrange his papers. It was out of the question to think of sleep. He +descended once more to the lower floor of the silent house, and stepped +out again into the open air. + +On the veranda, close beside him, was a deep-seated wicker arm-chair. +Bennett sank down into it, drawing his hands wearily across his +forehead. The stillness of a summer night had settled broadly over the +vast, dim landscape. There was no moon; all the stars were out. Very far +off a whippoorwill was calling incessantly. Once or twice from the +little orchard close at hand an apple dropped with a faint rustle of +leaves and a muffled, velvety impact upon the turf. Kamiska, wide awake, +sat motionless upon her haunches on the steps, looking off into the +night, cocking an ear to every faintest sound. + +Well, Ferriss was dead, and he, Bennett, was responsible. His friend, +the man whom most he loved, was dead. The splendid fight he had made for +his life during that ferocious struggle with the Ice had been all of no +effect. Without a murmur, without one complaint he had borne starvation, +the bitter arctic cold, privation beyond words, the torture of the frost +that had gnawed away his hands, the blinding fury of the snow and wind, +the unceasing and incredible toil with sledge and pack--all the terrible +hardship of an unsuccessful attempt to reach the Pole, only to die +miserably in his bed, alone, abandoned by the man and woman whom, of all +people of the world, he had most loved and trusted. And he, Bennett, had +been to blame. + +Was Ferriss conscious during that last moment? Did he know; would he, +sometime, somewhere, know? It could not be said. Forever that must +remain a mystery. And, after all, had Bennett done right in keeping +Lloyd from the sick-room? Now that all was over, now that the whole +fearful tragedy could be judged somewhat calmly and in the light of +reason, the little stealthy doubt began to insinuate itself. + +At first he had turned from it, raging and furious, stamping upon it as +upon an intruding reptile. The rough-hewn, simple-natured man, with his +arrogant and vast self-confidence, his blind, unshaken belief in the +wisdom of his own decisions, had never in his life before been willing +to admit that he could be mistaken, that it was possible for him to +resolve upon a false line of action. He had always been right. But now a +change had come. A woman had entangled herself in the workings of his +world, the world that hitherto had been only a world of men for him--and +now he faltered, now he questioned himself, now he scrutinised his +motives, now the simple became complicated, the straight crooked, right +mingled with wrong, bitter with sweet, falseness with truth. + +He who had faith in himself to remove mountains, he who could drive his +fellow-men as a herder drives his sheep, he who had forced the vast grip +of the Ice, had, with a battering ram's force, crushed his way through +those terrible walls, shattered and breached and broken down the +barriers, now in this situation involving a woman--had he failed? Had he +weakened? And bigger, stronger, and more persistently doubt intruded +itself into his mind. + +Hitherto Bennett's only salvation from absolute despair had been the +firm consciousness of his own rectitude. In that lay his only comfort, +his only hope, his one, strong-built fabric of defence. If that was +undermined, if that was eaten away, what was there left for him? +Carefully, painfully, and with such minuteness as he could command, he +went over the whole affair from beginning to end, forcing his unwilling +mind--so unaccustomed to such work--to weigh each chance, to gauge each +opportunity. If _this_ were so, if _that_ had been done, then would +_such_ results have followed? Suppose he had not interfered, suppose he +had stood aside, would Lloyd have run such danger, after all, and would +Ferriss at this time have been alive, and perhaps recovering? Had he, +Bennett, been absolutely mad; had he been blind and deaf to reason; had +he acted the part of a brute--a purblind, stupid, and unutterably +selfish brute--thinking chiefly of himself, after all, crushing the +woman who was so dear to him, sacrificing the life of the man he loved, +blundering in there, besotted and ignorant, acting the bully's part, +unnecessarily frightened, cowardly where he imagined himself brave; +weak, contemptibly weak, where he imagined himself strong? Might it not +have been avoided if he had been even merely reasonable, as, in like +case, an ordinary man would have been? He, who prided himself upon the +promptness and soundness of his judgment in great crises, had lost his +head and all power of self-control in this greatest crisis of all. + +The doubt came back to him again and again. Trample it, stifle it, dash +it from him as he would, each time it returned a little stronger, a +little larger, a little more insistent. Perhaps, after all, he had made +a mistake; perhaps, after all, Lloyd ran no great danger; perhaps, after +all, Ferriss might now have been alive. All at once Bennett seemed to be +sure of this. + +Then it became terrible. Alone there, in the darkness and in the night, +Bennett went down into the pit. Abruptly he seemed to come to +himself--to realise what he had done, as if rousing from a nightmare. +Remorse, horror, self-reproach, the anguish of bereavement, the infinite +regret of things that never were to be again, the bitterness of a +vanished love, self-contempt too abject for expression, the +heart-breaking grief of the dreadful might-have-been, one by one, he +knew them all. One by one, like the slow accumulation of gigantic +burdens, the consequences of his folly descended upon him, heavier, more +intolerably, more inexorably fixed with every succeeding moment, while +the light of truth and reason searched every corner of his mind, and his +doubt grew and hardened into certainty. + +If only Bennett could have believed that, in spite of what had happened, +Lloyd yet loved him, he could have found some ray of light in the +darkness wherein he groped, some saving strength to bear the weight of +his remorse and sorrow. But now, just in proportion as he saw clearer +and truer he saw that he must look for no help in that direction. Being +what Lloyd was, it was impossible for her, even though she wished it, to +love him now--love the man who had broken her! The thought was +preposterous. He remembered clearly that she had warned him of just +this. No, that, too, the one sweetness of his rugged life, he must put +from him as well--had already, and of his own accord, put from him. + +How go on? Of what use now was ambition, endeavour, and the striving to +attain great ends? The thread of his life was snapped; his friend was +dead, and the love of the one woman of his world. For both he was to +blame. Of what avail was it now to continue his work? + +Ferriss was dead. Who now would stand at his side when the darkness +thickened on ahead and obstacles drew across the path and Death overhead +hung poised and menacing? + +Lloyd's love for him was dead. Who now to bid him godspeed as his +vessel's prow swung northward and the water whitened in her wake? Who +now to wait behind when the great fight was dared again, to wait behind +and watch for his home-coming; and when the mighty hope had been +achieved, the goal of all the centuries attained, who now to send that +first and dearest welcome out to him when the returning ship showed over +the horizon's rim, flagged from her decks to her crosstrees in all the +royal blazonry of an immortal triumph? + +Now, that triumph was never to be for him. Ambition, too, was dead; some +other was to win where now he could but lose, to gain where now he could +but fail; some other stronger than he, more resolute, more determined. +At last Bennett had come to this, he who once had been so imperial in +the consciousness of his power, so arrogant, so uncompromising. Beaten, +beaten at last; defeated, daunted, driven from his highest hopes, +abandoning his dearest ambitions. And how, and why? Not by the Enemy he +had so often faced and dared, not by any power external to himself; but +by his very self's self, crushed by the engine he himself had set in +motion, shattered by the recoil of the very force that for so long had +dwelt within himself. Nothing in all the world could have broken him but +that. Danger, however great, could not have cowed him; circumstances, +however hopeless, could not have made him despair; obstacles, however +vast, could not have turned him back. Himself was the only Enemy that +could have conquered; his own power the only one to which he would have +yielded. And fate had so ordered it that this one Enemy of all others, +this one power of all others, had turned upon and rent him. The mystery +of it! The terror of it! Why had he never known? How was it he had never +guessed? What was this ruthless monster, this other self, that for so +long had slept within his flesh, strong with his better strength, +feeding and growing big with that he fancied was the best in him, that +tricked him with his noblest emotion--the love of a good woman--lured +him to a moment of weakness, then suddenly, and without warning, leaped +at his throat and struck him to the ground? + +He had committed one of those offences which the law does not reach, but +whose punishment is greater than any law can inflict. Retribution had +been fearfully swift. His career, Ferriss, and Lloyd--ambition, +friendship, and the love of a woman--had been a trinity of dominant +impulses in his life. Abruptly, almost in a single instant, he had lost +them all, had thrown them away. He could never get them back. Bennett +started sharply. What was this on his cheek; what was this that suddenly +dimmed his eyes? Had it actually come to this? And this was +he--Bennett--the same man who had commanded the Freja expedition. No, it +was not the same man. That man was dead. He ground his teeth, shaken +with the violence of emotions that seemed to be tearing his heart to +pieces. Lost, lost to him forever! Bennett bowed his head upon his +folded arms. Through his clenched teeth his words seemed almost wrenched +from him, each word an agony. + +"Dick--Dick, old man, you're gone, gone from me, and it was I who did +it; and Lloyd, she too--she--God help me!" + +Then the tension snapped. The great, massive frame shook with grief from +head to heel, and the harsh, angular face, with its salient jaw and +hard, uncouth lines, was wet with the first tears he had ever known. + +He was roused at length by a sudden movement on the part of the dog. +Kamiska had risen to her feet with a low growl, then, as the gate-latch +clinked, she threw up her head and gave tongue to the night with all the +force of her lungs. Bennett straightened up, thanking fortune that the +night was dark, and looked about him. A figure was coming up the front +walk, the gravel crunching under foot. It was the figure of a man. At +the foot of the steps of the veranda he paused, and as Bennett made a +movement turned in his direction and said: + +"Is this Dr. Pitts's house?" + +Bennett's reply was drowned in the clamour of the dog, but the other +seemed to understand, for he answered: + +"I'm looking for Mr. Ferriss--Richard Ferriss, of the Freja; they told +me he was brought here." + +Kamiska stopped her barking, sniffed once or twice at the man's trouser +legs; then, in brusque frenzy of delight, leaped against him, licking +his hands, dancing about him on two legs, whining and yelping. + +Bennett came forward, and the man changed his position so that the light +from the half-open front door shone upon his face. + +"Why, Adler!" exclaimed Bennett; "well, where did you come from?" + +"Mr. Bennett!" almost shouted the other, snatching off his cap. "It +ain't really you, sir!" His face beamed and radiated a joy little short +of beatitude. The man was actually trembling with happiness. Words +failed him, and as with a certain clumsy tenderness he clasped Bennett's +hand in both his own his old-time chief saw the tears in his eyes. + +"Oh! Maybe I ain't glad to see you, sir--I thought you had gone away--I +didn't know where--I--I didn't know as I was ever going to see you +again." + +Kamiska herself had been no less tremulously glad to see Adler than was +Adler to see Bennett. He stammered, he confused himself, he shifted his +weight from one foot to the other, his eyes danced, he laughed and +choked, he dropped his cap. His joy was that of a child, unrestrained, +unaffected, as genuine as gold. When they turned back to the veranda he +eagerly drew up Bennett's chair for him, his eyes never leaving his +face. It was the quivering, inarticulate affection of a dog for its +master, faithful, submissive, unquestioning, happy for hours over a +chance look, a kind word, a touch of the hand. To Adler's mind it would +have been a privilege and an honour to have died for Bennett. Why, he +was his chief, his king, his god, his master, who could do no wrong. +Bennett could have slain him where he stood and Adler would still have +trusted him. + +Adler would not sit down until Bennett had twice ordered him to do so, +and then he deposited himself in a nearby chair, in as uncomfortable a +position as he could devise, allowing only the smallest fraction of his +body to be supported as a mark of deference. He remained uncovered, and +from time to time nervously saluted. But suddenly he remembered the +object of his visit. + +"Oh, but I forgot--seeing you like this, unexpected, sir, clean drove +Mr. Ferriss out of my mind. How is he getting on? I saw in the papers he +was main sick." + +"He's dead," said Bennett quietly. + +Adler was for the moment stricken speechless. His jaw dropped; he +stared, and caught his breath. + +"Mr. Ferriss dead!" he exclaimed at length. "I--I can't believe it." He +crossed himself rapidly. Bennett made no reply, and for upward of five +minutes the two men sat motionless in the chairs, looking off into the +night. After a while Adler broke silence and asked a few questions as to +Ferriss's sickness and the nature and time of his death--questions which +Bennett answered as best he might. But it was evident that Bennett, +alive and present there in the flesh, was more to Adler than Ferriss +dead. + +"But _you're_ all right, sir, ain't you?" he asked at length. "There +ain't anything the matter with you?" + +"No," said Bennett; looking at him steadily; then suddenly he added: + +"Adler, I was to blame for Mr. Ferriss's death. If it hadn't been for me +he would probably have been alive to-night. It was my fault. I did what +I thought was right, when I knew all the time, just as I know now, that +I was wrong. So, when any one asks you about Mr. Ferriss's death you are +to tell him just what you know about it--understand? Through a mistake I +was responsible for his death. I shall not tell you more than that, but +that much you ought to know." + +Adler looked at Bennett curiously and with infinite amazement. The order +of his universe was breaking up about his ears. Bennett, the +inscrutable, who performed his wonders in a mystery, impenetrable to +common eyes, who moved with his head in the clouds, behold! he was +rendering account to him, Adler, the meanest of his subjects--the king +was condescending to the vassal, was admitting him to his confidence. +And what was this thing he was saying, that he was responsible for +Ferriss's death? Adler did not understand; his wits could not adjust +themselves to such information. Ferriss was dead, but how was Bennett to +blame? The king could do no wrong. Adler did not understand. No doubt +Bennett was referring to something that had happened during the retreat +over the ice--something that had to be done, and that in the end, and +after all this lapse of time, had brought about Mr. Ferriss's death. In +any case Bennett had done what was right. For that matter he had been +responsible for McPherson's death; but what else had there been to do? + +Bennett had spoken as he did after a moment's rapid thinking. To Adler's +questions as to the manner of the chief engineer's death Bennett had at +first given evasive replies. But a sudden sense of shame at being +compelled to dissemble before a subordinate had lashed him across the +face. True, he had made a mistake--a fearful, unspeakable mistake--but +at least let him be man enough to face and to accept its consequences. +It might not be necessary or even expedient to make acknowledgment of +his folly in all quarters, but at that moment it seemed to him that his +men--at least one of them--who had been under the command of himself and +his friend, had a right to be told the truth. It had been only one +degree less distasteful to undeceive Adler than it had been to deceive +him in the first place. Bennett was not the general to explain his +actions to his men. But he had not hesitated a moment. + +However, Adler was full of another subject, and soon broke out with: + +"You know, sir, there's another expedition forming; I suppose you have +heard--an English one. They call it the Duane-Parsons expedition. They +are going to try the old route by Smith Sound. They are going to winter +at Tasiusak, and try to get through the sound as soon as the ice breaks +up in the spring. But Duane's ideas are all wrong. He'll make no very +high northing, not above eighty-five. I'll bet a hat. When we go up +again, sir, will you--will you let me--will you take me along? Did I +give satisfaction this last--" + +"I'm never going up again, Adler," answered Bennett. + +"Sho!" said Adler a little blankly. "I thought sure--I never thought +that you--why, there ain't no one else but you _can_ do it, captain." + +"Oh, yes, there is," said Bennett listlessly. "Duane can--if he has +luck. I know him. He's a good man. No, I'm out of it, Adler; I had my +chance. It is somebody else's turn now. Do you want to go with Duane? I +can give you letters to him. He'd be glad to have you, I know." + +Adler started from his place. + +"Why, do you think--" he exclaimed vehemently--"do you think I'd go with +anybody else but you, sir? Oh, you will be going some of these days, I'm +sure of it. We--we'll have another try at it, sir, before we die. We +ain't beaten yet." + +"Yes, we are, Adler," returned Bennett, smiling calmly; "we'll stay at +home now and write our book. But we'll let some one else reach the Pole. +That's not for us--never will be, Adler." + +At the end of their talk some half-hour later Adler stood up, remarking: + +"Guess I'd better be standing by if I'm to get the last train back to +the City to-night. They told me at the station that she'd clear about +midnight." Suddenly he began to show signs of uneasiness, turning his +cap about between his fingers, changing his weight from foot to foot. +Then at length: + +"You wouldn't be wanting a man about the place, would you, sir?" And +before Bennett could reply he continued eagerly, "I've been a bit of +most trades in my time, and I know how to take care of a garden like as +you have here; I'm a main good hand with plants and flower things, and I +could help around generally." Then, earnestly, "Let me stay, sir--it +won't cost--I wouldn't think of taking a cent from you, captain. Just +let me act as your orderly for a spell, sir. I'd sure give satisfaction; +will you, sir--will you?" + +"Nonsense, Adler," returned Bennett; "stay, if you like. I presume I can +find use for you. But you must be paid, of course." + +"Not a soomarkee," protested the other almost indignantly. + +The next day Adler brought his chest down from the City and took up his +quarters with Bennett at Medford. Though Dr. Pitts had long since ceased +to keep horses, the stable still adjoined the house, and Adler swung his +hammock in the coachman's old room. Bennett could not induce him to room +in the house itself. Adler prided himself that he knew his place. After +their first evening's conversation he never spoke to Bennett until +spoken to first, and the resumed relationship of commander and +subordinate was inexpressibly dear to him. It was something to see Adler +waiting on the table in the "glass-room" in his blue jersey, standing at +attention at the door, happy in the mere sight of Bennett at his meals. +In the mornings, as soon as breakfast was ready, it was Adler's +privilege to announce the fact to Bennett, whom he usually found already +at work upon his writing. Returning thence to the dining-room, Adler +waited for his lord to appear. As soon as he heard Bennett's step in the +hall a little tremor of excitement possessed him. He ran to Bennett's +chair, drawing it back for him, and as soon as Bennett had seated +himself circled about him with all the pride and solicitude of a +motherly hen. He opened his napkin for him, delivered him his paper, and +pushed his cup of coffee a half-inch nearer his hand. Throughout the +duration of the meal he hardly took his eyes from Bennett's face, +watching his every movement with a glow of pride, his hands gently +stroking one another in an excess of satisfaction and silent enjoyment. + +The days passed; soon a fortnight was gone by. Drearily, mechanically, +Bennett had begun work upon his book, the narrative of the expedition. +It was repugnant to him. Long since he had lost all interest in polar +exploration. As he had said to Adler, he was out of it, finally and +irrevocably. His bolt was shot; his role upon the stage of the world was +ended. He only desired now to be forgotten as quickly as possible, to +lapse into mediocrity as easily and quietly as he could. Fame was +nothing to him now. The thundering applause of an entire world that had +once been his was mere noise, empty and meaningless. He did not care to +reawaken it. The appearance of his book he knew was expected and waited +for in every civilised nation of the globe. It would be printed in +languages whereof he was ignorant, but it was all one with him now. + +The task of writing was hateful to him beyond expression, but with such +determination as he could yet summon to his aid Bennett stuck to it, +eight, ten, and sometimes fourteen hours each day. In a way his +narrative was an atonement. Ferriss was its hero. Almost instinctively +Bennett kept the figure of himself, his own achievements, his own plans +and ideas, in the background. On more than one page he deliberately +ascribed to Ferriss triumphs which no one but himself had attained. It +was Ferriss who was the leader, the victor to whom all laurels were due. +It was Ferriss whose example had stimulated the expedition to its best +efforts in the darkest hours; it was, practically, Ferriss who had saved +the party after the destruction of the ship; whose determination, +unbroken courage, endurance, and intelligence had pervaded all minds and +hearts during the retreat to Kolyuchin Bay. + +"Though nominally in command," wrote Bennett, "I continually gave place +to him. Without his leadership we should all, unquestionably, have +perished before even reaching land. His resolution to conquer, at +whatever cost, was an inspiration to us all. Where he showed the way we +had to follow; his courage was never daunted, his hope was never dimmed, +his foresight, his intelligence, his ingenuity in meeting and dealing +with apparently unsolvable problems were nothing short of marvellous. +His was the genius of leadership. He was the explorer, born to his +work." + +One day, just after luncheon, as Bennett, according to his custom, was +walking in the garden by the house, smoking a cigar before returning to +his work, he was surprised to find himself bleeding at the nose. It was +but a trifling matter, and passed off in a few moments, but the fact of +its occurrence directed his attention to the state of his health, and he +told himself that for the last few days he had not been at all his +accustomed self. There had been dull pains in his back and legs; more +than once his head had pained him, and of late the continuance of his +work had been growing steadily more obnoxious to him, the very physical +effort of driving the pen from line to line was a burden. + +"Hum!" he said to himself later on in the day, when the bleeding at the +nose returned upon him, "I think we need a little quinine." + +But the next day he found he could not eat, and all the afternoon, +though he held doggedly to his work, he was troubled with nausea. At +times a great weakness, a relaxing of all the muscles, came over him. In +the evening he sent a note to Dr. Pitts's address in the City, asking +him to come down to Medford the next day. + + * * * * * + +On the Monday morning of the following week, some two hours after +breakfast, Lloyd met Miss Douglass on the stairs, dressed for the street +and carrying her nurse's bag. + +"Are you going out?" she asked of the fever nurse in some astonishment. +"Where are you going?" for Lloyd had returned to duty, and it was her +name that now stood at the top of the list; "I thought it was my turn to +go out," she added. + +Miss Douglass was evidently much confused. + +Her meeting with Lloyd had apparently been unexpected. She halted upon +the stairs in great embarrassment, stammering: + +"No--no, I'm on call. I--I was called out of my turn--specially +called--that was it." + +"Were you?" demanded Lloyd sharply, for the other nurse was disturbed to +an extraordinary degree. + +"Well, then; no, I wasn't, but the superintendent--Miss Bergyn--she +thought--she advised--you had better see her." + +"I will see her," declared Lloyd, "but don't you go till I find out why +I was skipped." + +Lloyd hurried at once to Miss Bergyn's room, indignant at this slight. +Surely, after what had happened, she was entitled to more consideration +than this. Of all the staff in the house she should have been the one to +be preferred. + +Miss Bergyn rose at Lloyd's sudden entrance into her room, and to her +question responded: + +"It was only because I wanted to spare you further trouble and--and +embarrassment, Lloyd, that I told Miss Douglass to take your place. This +call is from Medford. Dr. Pitts was here himself this morning, and he +thought as I did." + +"Thought what? I don't understand." + +"It seemed to me," answered the superintendent nurse, "that this one +case of all others would be the hardest, the most disagreeable for you +to take. It seems that Mr. Bennett has leased Dr. Pitts's house from +him. He is there now. At the time when Mr. Ferriss was beginning to be +ill Mr. Bennett was with him a great deal and undertook to nurse him +till Dr. Pitts interfered and put a professional nurse on the case. +Since then, too, the doctor has found out that Mr. Bennett has exposed +himself imprudently. At any rate, in some way he has contracted the same +disease and is rather seriously ill with it. Dr. Pitts wants us to send +him a nurse at once. It just happened that it was your turn, and I +thought I had better skip your name and send Louise Douglass." + +Lloyd sank into a chair, her hands falling limply in her lap. A frown of +perplexity gathered on her forehead. But suddenly she exclaimed: + +"I know--that's all as it may be; but all the staff know that it is my +turn to go; everybody in the house knows who is on call. How will it +be--what will be thought when it is known that I haven't gone--and +after--after my failing once--after this--this other affair? No, I must +go. I, of all people, must go--and just because it is a typhoid case, +like the other." + +"But, Lloyd, how _can_ you?" + +True, how could she? Her patient would be the same man who had +humiliated her and broken her, had so cruelly misunderstood and wronged +her, for whom all her love was dead. How could she face him again? Yet +how refuse to take the case? How explain a second failure to her +companions? Lloyd made a little movement of distress, clasping her hands +together. How the complications followed fast upon each other! No sooner +was one difficult situation met and disposed of than another presented +itself. Bennett was nothing to her now, yet, for all that, she recoiled +instinctively from meeting him again. Not only must she meet him, but +she must be with him day after day, hour after hour, at his very side, +in all the intimacy that the sick-room involved. On the other hand, how +could she decline this case? The staff might condone one apparent and +inexplicable defection; another would certainly not be overlooked. But +was not this new situation a happy and unlooked-for opportunity to +vindicate her impaired prestige in the eyes of her companions? Lloyd +made up her mind upon the instant. She rose. + +"I shall take the case," she said. + +She was not a little surprised at herself. Hardly an instant had she +hesitated. On that other occasion when she had believed it right to make +confession to her associates it had been hard--at times almost +impossible--for her to do her duty as she saw and understood it. This +new complication was scarcely less difficult, but once having attained +the fine, moral rigour that had carried her through her former ordeal, +it became easy now to do right under all or any circumstances, however +adverse. If she had failed then, she certainly would have failed now. +That she had succeeded then made it all the easier to succeed now. Dimly +Lloyd commenced to understand that the mastery of self, the steady, firm +control of natural, intuitive impulses, selfish because natural, was a +progression. Each victory not only gained the immediate end in view, but +braced the mind and increased the force of will for the next shock, the +next struggle. She had imagined and had told herself that Bennett had +broken her strength for good. But was it really so? Had not defeat in +that case been only temporary? Was she not slowly getting back her +strength by an unflinching adherence to the simple, fundamental +principles of right, and duty, and truth? Was not the struggle with +one's self the greatest fight of all, greater, far greater, than had +been the conflict between Bennett's will and her own? + +Within the hour she found herself once again on her way to Medford. How +much had happened, through what changes had she passed since the +occasion of her first journey; and Bennett, how he, too, changed; how +different he had come to stand in her estimation! Once the thought that +he was in danger had been a constant terror to her, and haunted her days +and lurked at her side through many a waking night. Was it possible that +now his life or death was no more to her than that of any of her former +patients? She could not say; she avoided answering the question. +Certainly her heart beat no faster at this moment to know that he was in +the grip of a perilous disease. She told herself that her Bennett was +dead already; that she was coming back to Medford not to care for and +watch over the individual, but to combat the disease. + +When she arrived at the doctor's house in Medford, a strange-looking man +opened the door for her, and asked immediately if she was the nurse. + +"Yes," said Lloyd, "I am. Is Dr. Pitts here?" + +"Upstairs in his room," answered the other in a whisper, closing the +front door with infinite softness. "He won't let me go in, the doctor +won't; I--I ain't seen him in four days. Ask the doctor if I can't just +have a blink at him--just a little blink through the crack of the door. +Just think, Miss, I ain't seen him in four days! Just think of that! And +look here, they ain't giving him enough to eat--nothing but milk and +chicken soup with rice in it. He never did like rice; that's no kind of +rations for a sick man. I fixed him up a bit of duff yesterday, what he +used to like so much aboard ship, and Pitts wouldn't let him have it. He +regularly laughed in my face." + +Lloyd sent word to the doctor by the housekeeper that she had arrived, +and on going up found Pitts waiting for her at the door of the +sick-room, not that which had been occupied by Ferriss, but another--the +guest-chamber of the house, situated toward the rear of the building. + +"Why, I expected Miss Douglass!" exclaimed the doctor in a low voice as +soon as his eye fell upon Lloyd. "Any one of them but you!" + +"I had to come," Lloyd answered quietly, flushing hotly for all that. +"It was my turn, and it was not right for me to stay away." + +The doctor hesitated an instant, and then dismissed the subject, putting +his chin in the air as if to say that, after all, it was not his affair. + +"Well," he said, "it's queer to see how things will tangle themselves +sometimes. I don't know whether he took this thing from Ferriss or not. +Both of them were exposed to the same conditions when their expedition +went to pieces and they were taken off by the whaling ships--bad water, +weakened constitution, not much power of resistance; in prime condition +for the bacillus, and the same cause might have produced the same +effect; at any rate, he's in a bad way." + +"Is he--very bad?" asked Lloyd. + +"Well, he's not the hang-on sort that Mr. Ferriss was; nothing undecided +about Captain Ward Bennett; when he's sick, he's sick; rushes right at +it like a blind bull. He's as bad now as Mr. Ferriss was in his third +week." + +"Do you think he will recognise me?" + +The doctor shook his head. "No; delirious most of the time--of +course--regulation thing. If we don't keep the fever down he'll go out +sure. That's the danger in his case. Look at him yourself; here he is. +The devil! The animal is sitting up again." + +As Lloyd entered the room she saw Bennett sitting bolt upright in his +bed, staring straight before him, his small eyes, with their deforming +cast, open to their fullest extent, the fingers of his shrunken, bony +hands dancing nervously on the coverlet. A week's growth of stubble +blackened the lower part of his face. Without a moment's pause he +mumbled and muttered with astonishing rapidity, but for the most part +the words were undistinguishable. It was, indeed, not the same Bennett, +Lloyd had last seen. The great body was collapsed upon itself; the skin +of the face was like dry, brown parchment, and behind it the big, +massive bones stood out in great knobs and ridges. It needed but a +glance to know that here was a man dangerously near to his death. While +Lloyd was removing her hat and preparing herself for her work the doctor +got Bennett upon his back again and replenished the ice-pack about his +head. + +"Not much strength left in our friend now," he murmured. + +"How long has he been like this?" asked Lloyd as she arranged the +contents of her nurse's bag on a table near the window. + +"Pretty close to eight hours now. He was conscious yesterday morning, +however, for a little while, and wanted to know what his chances were." + +They were neither good nor many; the strength once so formidable was +ebbing away like a refluent tide, and that with ominous swiftness. +Stimulate the life as the doctor would, strive against the enemy's +advance as Lloyd might, Bennett continued to sink. + +"The devil of it is," muttered the doctor, "that he don't seem to care. +He had as soon give up as not. It's hard to save a patient that don't +want to save himself. If he'd fight for his life as he did in the +arctic, we could pull him through yet. Otherwise--" he shrugged his +shoulders almost helplessly. + +The next night toward nine o'clock Lloyd took the doctor's place at +their patient's bedside, and Pitts, without taking off his clothes, +stretched himself out upon the sofa in one of the rooms on the lower +floor of the house, with the understanding that the nurse was to call +him in case of any change. + +But as the doctor was groping his way down the darkened stairway he +stumbled against Adler and Kamiska. Adler was sitting on one of the +steps, and the dog was on her haunches close at his side; the two were +huddled together there in the dark, broad awake, shoulder to shoulder, +waiting, watching, and listening for the faint sounds that came at long +intervals from the direction of the room where Bennett lay. + +As the physician passed him Adler stood up and saluted: + +"Is he doing any better now, sir?" he whispered. + +"Nothing new," returned the other brusquely. "He may get well in three +weeks' time or he may die before midnight; so there you are. You know as +much about it as I do. Damn that dog!" + +He trod upon Kamiska, who forbore heroically to yelp, and went on his +way. Adler resumed his place on the stairs, sitting down gingerly, so +that the boards should not creak under his weight. He took Kamiska's +head between his hands and rocked himself gently to and fro. + +"What are we going to do, little dog?" he whispered. "What are we going +to do if--if our captain should--if he shouldn't--" he had no words to +finish. Kamiska took her place again by his side, and the two resumed +their vigil. + +Meanwhile, not fifty feet away, a low voice, monotonous and rapid, was +keeping up a continuous, murmuring flow of words. + +"That's well your number two sledge. All hands on the McClintock +now. You've got to do it, men. Forward, get forward, get forward; +get on to the south, always to the south--south, south, south!... +There, there's the ice again. That's the biggest ridge yet. At it +now! Smash through; I'll break you yet; believe me, I will! There, +we broke it! I knew you could, men. I'll pull you through. Now, +then, h'up your other sledge. Forward! There will be double rations +to-night all round--no--half-rations, quarter-rations.... No, +three-fifths of an ounce of dog-meat and a spoonful of alcohol--that's +all; that's all, men. Pretty cold night, this--minus thirty-eight. +Only a quarter of a mile covered to-day. Everybody suffering in their +feet, and so weak--and starving--and freezing." All at once the voice +became a wail. "My God! is it never going to end?... Sh--h, steady, +what was that? Who whimpered? Was that Ward Bennett? No whimpering, +whatever comes. Stick it out like men, anyway. Fight it out till we +drop, but no whimpering.... Who said there were steam whalers off +the floe? That's a lie! Forward, forward, get forward to the +south--no, not the south; to the _north_, to the north! We'll reach +it, we'll succeed; we're most there, men; come on, come on! I tell +you this time we'll reach it; one more effort, men! We're most +there! What's the latitude? Eighty-five-twenty--eighty-six." The +voice began to grow louder: "Come on, men; we're most there! +Eighty-seven--eighty-eight--eighty-nine-twenty-five!" He rose to a +sitting position. "Eighty-nine-thirty--eighty-nine-forty-five." Suddenly +the voice rose to a shout. "Ninety degrees! _By God, it's the Pole!_" + +The voice died away to indistinct mutterings. + +Lloyd was at the bedside by now, and quietly pressed Bennett down upon +his back. But as she did so a thrill of infinite pity and compassion +quivered through her. She had forced him down so easily. He was so +pitifully weak. Woman though she was, she could, with one small hand +upon his breast, control this man who at one time had been of such +colossal strength--such vast physical force. + +Suddenly Bennett began again. "Where's Ferriss? Where's Richard Ferriss? +Where's the chief engineer of the Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition?" + +He fell silent again, and but for the twitching, dancing hands, lay +quiet. Then he cried: + +"Attention to the roll-call!" + +Rapidly and in a low voice he began calling off the muster of the +Freja's men and officers, giving the answers himself. + +"Adler--here; Blair--here; Dahl--here; Fishbaugh--here; Hawes--here; +McPherson--here; Muck Tu--here; Woodward--here; Captain Ward +Bennett--here; Dr. Sheridan Dennison--here; Chief Engineer Richard +Ferriss--" no answer. Bennett waited for a moment, then repeated the +name, "Chief Engineer Richard Ferriss--" Again he was silent; but after +a few seconds he called aloud in agony of anxiety, "Chief Engineer +Richard Ferriss, answer to the roll-call!" + +Then once more he began; his disordered wits calling to mind a different +order of things: + +"Adler--here; Blair--died from exhaustion at Point Kane; Dahl--here; +Fishbaugh--starved to death on the march to Kolyuchin Bay; Hawes--died +of arctic fever at Cape Kammeni; McPherson--unable to keep up, and +abandoned at ninth camp; Muck Tu--here; Woodward--died from starvation +at twelfth camp; Dr. Sheridan Dennison--frozen to death at Kolyuchin +Bay; Chief Engineer Richard Ferriss--died by the act of his best friend, +Captain Ward Bennett!" Again and again Bennett repeated this phrase, +calling: "Richard Ferriss! Richard Ferriss!" and immediately adding in a +broken voice: "Died by the act of his best friend, Captain Ward +Bennett." Or at times it was only the absence of Ferriss that seemed to +torture him. He would call the roll, answering "here" to each name until +he reached Ferriss; then he would not respond, but instead would cry +aloud over and over again, in accents of the bitterest grief, "Richard +Ferriss, answer to the roll-call; Richard Ferriss, answer to the +roll-call--" Then suddenly, with a feeble, quavering cry, "For God's +sake, Dick, answer to the roll-call!" + +The hours passed. Ten o'clock struck, then eleven. At midnight Lloyd +took the temperature (which had decreased considerably) and the pulse, +and refilled the ice-pack about the head. Bennett was still muttering in +the throes of delirium, still calling for Ferriss, imploring him to +answer to the roll-call; or repeating the words: "Dick Ferriss, chief +engineer--died at the hands of his best friend, Ward Bennett," in tones +so pitiful, so heart-broken that more than once Lloyd felt the tears +running down her cheeks. + +"Richard Ferriss, Richard Ferriss, answer to the roll-call; Dick, old +man, won't you answer, won't you answer, old chap, when I call you? +Won't you come back and say 'It's all right?' Ferriss, Ferriss, answer +to my roll-call. ... Died at the hands of his best friend. ... At +Kolyuchin Bay. ... Killed, and I did it. ... Forward, men; you've got to +do it; snowing to-day and all the ice in motion. ... H'up y'r other +sledge. Come on with y'r number four; more pressure-ridges, I'll break +you yet! Come on with y'r number four! ... Lloyd Searight, what are you +doing in this room?" + +On the instant the voice had changed from confused mutterings to +distinct, clear-cut words. The transition was so sudden that Lloyd, at +the moment busy at her nurse's bag, her back to the bed, wheeled sharply +about to find Bennett sitting bolt upright, looking straight at her with +intelligent, wide-open eyes. Lloyd's heart for an instant stood still, +almost in terror. This sudden leap back from the darkness of delirium +into the daylight of consciousness was almost like a rising from the +dead, ghost-like, appalling. She caught her breath, trembling in spite +of her best efforts, and for an instant leaned a hand upon the table +behind her. + +But on Bennett's face, ghastly, ravaged by disease, with its vast, +protruding jaw, its narrow contracted forehead and unkempt growth of +beard, the dawning of intelligence and surprise swiftly gave place to an +expression of terrible anxiety and apprehension. + +"What are you doing here, Lloyd?" he cried. + +"Hush!" she answered quickly as she came forward; "above all things you +must not sit up; lie down again and don't talk. You are very sick." + +"I know, I know," he answered feebly. "I know what it is. But you must +leave here. It's a terrible risk every moment you stay in this room. I +want you to go. You understand--at once! Call the doctor. Don't come +near the bed," he went on excitedly, struggling to keep himself from +sinking back upon the pillows. His breath was coming quick; his eyes +were flashing. All the poor, shattered senses were aroused and quivering +with excitement and dread. + +"It will kill you to stay here," he continued, almost breathless. "Out +of this room!" he commanded. "Out of this house! It is mine now; I'm the +master here--do you understand? Don't!" he exclaimed as Lloyd put her +hands upon his shoulders to force him to lie down again. + +"Don't, don't touch me! Stand away from me!" + +He tried to draw back from her in the bed. Then suddenly he made a great +effort to rise, resisting her efforts. + +"I shall put you out, then," he declared, struggling against Lloyd's +clasp upon his shoulders, catching at her wrists. His excitement was so +intense, his fervour so great that it could almost be said he touched +the edge of his delirium again. + +"Do you hear, do you hear? Out of this room!" + +"No," said Lloyd calmly; "you must be quiet; you must try to go to +sleep. This time you cannot make me leave." + +He caught her by one arm, and, bracing himself with the other against +the headboard of the bed, thrust her back from him with all his might. + +"Keep away from me, I tell you; keep back! You shall do as I say! I have +always carried my point, and I shall not fail now. Believe me, I shall +not. You--you--" he panted as he struggled with her, ashamed of his +weakness, humiliated beyond words that she should know it. "I--you +shall--you will compel me to use force. Don't let it come to that." + +Calmly Lloyd took both his wrists in the strong, quiet clasp of one +palm, and while she supported his shoulders with her other arm, laid him +down among the pillows again as though he had been a child. + +"I'm--I'm a bit weak and trembly just now," he admitted, panting with +his exertion; "but, Lloyd, listen. I know how you must dislike me now, +but will you please go--go, go at once!" + +"No." + +What a strange spinning of the wheel of fate was here! In so short a +time had their mutual positions been reversed. Now it was she who was +strong and he who was weak. It was she who conquered and he who was +subdued. It was she who triumphed and he who was humiliated. It was he +who implored and she who denied. It was her will and no longer his that +must issue victorious from the struggle. + +And how complete now was Bennett's defeat! The very contingency he had +fought so desperately to avert and for which he had sacrificed +Ferriss--Lloyd's care of so perilous a disease--behold! the mysterious +turn of the wheel had brought it about, and now he was powerless to +resist. + +"Oh!" he cried, "have I not enough upon my mind already--Ferriss and his +death? Are you going to make me imperil your life too, and after I have +tried so hard? You must not stay here." + +"I shall stay," she answered. + +"I order you to go. This is my house. Send the doctor here. Where's +Adler?" Suddenly he fainted. + +An hour or two later, in the gray of the morning, at a time when Bennett +was sleeping quietly under the influence of opiates, Lloyd found herself +sitting at the window in front of the small table there, her head +resting on her hand, thoughtful, absorbed, and watching with but +half-seeing eyes the dawn growing pink over the tops of the apple-trees +in the orchard near by. + +The window was open just wide enough for the proper ventilation of the +room. For a long time she sat thus without moving, only from time to +time smoothing back the heavy, bronze-red hair from her temples and +ears. By degrees the thinking faculties of her brain, as it were, a +myriad of delicate interlacing wheels, slowly decreased in the rapidity +and intensity of their functions. She began to feel instead of to think. +As the activity of her mind lapsed to a certain pleasant numbness, a +vague, formless, nameless emotion seemed to be welling to the surface. +It was no longer a question of the brain. What then? Was it the heart? +She gave no name to this new emotion; it was too confused as yet, too +undefinable. A certain great sweetness seemed to be coming upon her, but +she could not say whether she was infinitely sad or supremely happy; a +smile was on her lips, and yet the tears began to brim in her dull-blue +eyes. + +She felt as if some long, fierce struggle, or series of struggles, were +at last accomplished; as if for a long period of time she had been +involved in the maze and tortuous passages of some gloomy cavern, but at +length, thence issuing, had again beheld the stars. A great tenderness, +a certain tremulous joy in all things that were true and good and right, +grew big and strong within her; the delight in living returned to her. +The dawn was brightening and flushing over all the world, and colour, +light, and warmth were coming back into her life. The night had been +still and mild, but now the first breath of the morning breeze stirred +in the trees, in the grass, in the flowers, and the thick, dew-drenched +bushes along the roadside, and a delicious aroma of fields and woods and +gardens came to her. The sweetness of life and the sweetness of those +things better than life and more enduring, the things that do not fail, +nor cease, nor vanish away, suddenly entered into that room and +descended upon her almost in the sense of a benediction, a visitation, +something mystic and miraculous. It was a moment to hope all things, to +believe all things, to endure all things. + +She caught her breath, listening--for what she did not know. Once again, +just as it had been in that other dawn, in that other room where the +Enemy had been conquered, the sense of some great happiness was in the +air, was coming to her swiftly. But now the greater Enemy had been +outfought, the morning of a greater day was breaking and spreading, and +the greatest happiness in the world was preparing for her. How it had +happened she did not know. Now was not the moment to think, to reason, +to reflect. It seemed as though the rushing of wings was all about her, +as though a light brighter than the day was just about to break upon her +sight, as though a music divinely beautiful was just about to burst upon +her ear. But the light was not for her eye; the music was not for her +ear. The radiance and the harmony came from herself, from within her. +The intellect was numb. Only the heart was alive on this wonderful +midsummer's morning, and it was in her heart that the radiance shone and +the harmony vibrated. Back in his place once more, high on his throne, +the love that she believed had forever departed from her sat exalted and +triumphant, singing to the cadence of that unheard music, shining and +magnificent in the glory of that new-dawned light. + +Would Bennett live? Suddenly that question leaped up in her mind and +stood in the eye of her imagination, terrible, menacing--a hideous, grim +spectre, before which Lloyd quailed with failing heart and breath. The +light, the almost divine radiance that had burst upon her, nevertheless +threw a dreadful shadow before it. Beneath the music she heard the growl +of the thunder. Her new-found happiness was not without its accompanying +dismay. Love had not returned to her heart alone. With it had returned +the old Enemy she had once believed had left her forever. Now it had +come back. As before, it lurked and leered at her from dark corners. It +crept to her side, to her back, ready to leap, ready to strike, to +clutch at her throat with cold fingers and bear her to the earth, +rending her heart with a grief she told herself she could not endure and +live. She loved him now with all her mind and might; how could it ever +have been otherwise? He belonged to her--and she? Why, she only lived +with his life; she seemed so bound to him as to be part of his very +self. Literally, she could not understand how it would be possible for +her to live if he should die. It seemed to her that with his death some +mysterious element of her life, something vital and fundamental, for +which there was no name, would disintegrate upon the instant and leave +her without the strength necessary for further existence. But this +would, however, be a relief. The prospect of the years after his death, +the fearful loneliness of life without him, was a horror before which +she veritably believed her reason itself must collapse. + +"Lloyd." + +Bennett was awake again and watching her with feverish anxiety from +where he lay among the pillows. "Lloyd," he repeated, the voice once so +deep and powerful quavering pitifully. "I was wrong. I don't want you to +go. Don't leave me." + +In an instant Lloyd was at his side, kneeling by the bed. She caught one +of the great, gnarled hands, seamed and corded and burning with the +fever. "Never, never, dearest; never so long as I shall live." + + + + +IX. + + +When Adler heard Bennett's uncertain steps upon the stairs and the sound +of Lloyd's voice speaking to him and urging that there was no hurry, and +that he was to take but one step at a time, he wheeled swiftly about +from the windows of the glass-room, where he had been watching the +October breeze stirring the crimson and yellow leaves in the orchard, +and drew back his master's chair from the breakfast table and stood +behind it expectantly, his eyes watching the door. + +Lloyd held back the door, and Bennett came in, leaning heavily on Dr. +Pitts's shoulder. Adler stiffened upon the instant as if in answer to +some unheard bugle-call, and when Bennett had taken his seat, pushed his +chair gently to the table and unfolded his napkin with a flourish as +though giving a banner to the wind. Pitts almost immediately left the +room, but Lloyd remained supervising Bennett's breakfast, pouring his +milk, buttering his toast, and opening his eggs. + +"Coffee?" suddenly inquired Bennett. Lloyd shook her head. + +"Not for another week." + +Bennett looked with grim disfavour upon the glass of milk that Lloyd had +placed at his elbow. + +"Such slop!" he growled. "Why not a little sugar and warm water, and be +done with it? Lloyd, I can't drink this stuff any more. Why, it's warm +yet!" he exclaimed aggrievedly and with deep disgust, abruptly setting +down the glass. + +"Why, of course it is," she answered; "we brought the cow here +especially for you, and the boy has just done milking her--and it's not +slop." + +"Slop! slop!" declared Bennett. He picked up the glass again and looked +at her over the rim. + +"I'll drink this stuff this one more time to please you," he said. "But +I promise you this will be the last time. You needn't ask me again. I +have drunk enough milk the past three weeks to support a foundling +hospital for a year." + +Invariably, since the period of his convalescence began, Bennett made +this scene over his hourly glass of milk, and invariably it ended by his +gulping it down at nearly a single swallow. + +Adler brought in the mail and the morning paper. Three letters had come +for Lloyd, and for Bennett a small volume on "Recent Arctic Research and +Exploration," sent by his publisher with a note to the effect that, as +the latest authority on the subject, Bennett was sure to find it of +great interest. In an appendix, inserted after the body of the book had +been made up, the Freja expedition and his own work were briefly +described. Lloyd put her letters aside, and, unfolding the paper, said, +"I'll read it while you eat your breakfast. Have you everything you +want? Did you drink your milk--all of it?" But out of the corner of her +eye she noted that Adler was chuckling behind the tray that he held to +his face, and with growing suspicion she leaned forward and peered about +among the breakfast things. Bennett had hidden his glass behind the +toast-rack. + +"And it's only two-thirds empty," she declared. "Ward, why will you be +such a boy?" + +"Oh, well," he grumbled, and without more ado drank off the balance. + +"Now I'll read to you if you have everything you want. Adler, I think +you can open one of those windows; it's so warm out of doors." + +While he ate his breakfast of toast, milk, and eggs Lloyd skimmed +through the paper, reading aloud everything she thought would be of +interest to him. Then, after a moment, her eye was caught and held by a +half-column article expanded from an Associated Press despatch. + +"Oh!" she cried, "listen to this!" and continued: "'Word has been +received at this place of the safe arrival of the arctic steamship +Curlew at Tasiusak, on the Greenland coast, bearing eighteen members of +the Duane-Parsons expedition. Captain Duane reports all well and an +uneventful voyage. It is his intention to pass the winter at Tasiusak, +collecting dogs and also Esquimau sledges, which he believes superior to +European manufacture for work in rubble-ice, and to push on with the +Curlew in the spring as soon as Smith Sound shall be navigable. This may +be later than Captain Duane supposes, as the whalers who have been +working in the sound during the past months bring back news of an +unusually early winter and extraordinary quantities of pack-ice both in +the sound itself and in Kane Basin. This means a proportionately late +open season next year, and the Curlew's departure from Tasiusak may be +considerably later than anticipated. It is considered by the best arctic +experts an unfortunate circumstance that Captain Duane elected to winter +south of Cape Sabine, as the condition of the ice in Smith Sound can +never be relied upon nor foretold. Should the entrance to the sound +still be encumbered with ice as late as July, which is by no means +impossible, Captain Duane will be obliged to spend another winter at +Tasiusak or Upernvick, consuming alike his store of provisions and the +patience of his men.'" + +There was a silence when Lloyd finished reading. Bennett chipped at the +end of his second egg. + +"Well?" she said at length. + +"Well," returned Bennett, "what's all that to me?" + +"It's your work," she answered almost vehemently. + +"No, indeed. It's Duane's work." + +"What do you mean?" + +"Let him try now." + +"And you?" exclaimed Lloyd, looking intently at him. + +"My dear girl, I had my chance and failed. Now--" he raised a shoulder +indifferently--"now, I don't care much about it. I've lost interest." + +"I don't believe you," she cried energetically; "you of all men." Behind +Bennett's chair she had a momentary glimpse of Adler, who had tucked his +tray under his arm and was silently applauding in elaborate pantomime. +She saw his lips form the words "That's it; that's right. Go right +ahead." + +"Besides, I have my book to do, and, besides that, I'm an invalid--an +invalid who drinks slop." + +"And you intend to give it all up--your career?" + +"Well--if I should, what then?" Suddenly he turned to her abruptly. "I +should not think _you_ would want me to go again. Do _you_ urge me to +go?" + +Lloyd made a sudden little gasp, and her hand involuntarily closed upon +his as it rested near her on the table. + +"Oh, no!" she cried. "Oh, no, I don't! You are right. It's not your work +now." + +"Well, then," muttered Bennett as though the question was forever +settled. + +Lloyd turned to her mail, and one after another slit the envelopes, +woman fashion, with a shell hairpin. But while she was glancing over the +contents of her letters Bennett began to stir uneasily in his place. +From time to time he stopped eating and shot a glance at Lloyd from +under his frown, noting the crisp, white texture of her gown and waist, +the white scarf with its high, tight bands about the neck, the tiny, +golden buttons in her cuffs, the sombre, ruddy glow of her cheeks, her +dull-blue eyes, and the piles and coils of her bronze-red hair. Then, +abruptly, he said: + +"Adler, you can go." + +Adler saluted and withdrew. + +"Whom are your letters from?" Bennett demanded by way of a beginning. + +Lloyd replaced the hairpin in her hair, answering: + +"From Dr. Street, from Louise Douglass, and from--Mr. Campbell." + +"Hum! well, what do they say? Dr. Street and--Louise Douglass?" + +"Dr. Street asks me to take a very important surgical case as soon as I +get through here, 'one of the most important and delicate, as well as +one of the most interesting, operations in his professional experience.' +Those are his words. Louise writes four pages, but she says nothing; +just chatters." + +"And Campbell?" Bennett indicated with his chin the third rather +voluminous letter at Lloyd's elbow. "He seems to have written rather +more than four pages. What does he say? Does he 'chatter' too?" + +Lloyd smoothed back her hair from one temple. + +"H'm--no. He says--something. But never mind what he says. Ward, I must +be going back to the City. You don't need a nurse any more." + +"What's that?" Bennett's frown gathered on the instant, and with a sharp +movement of the head that was habitual to him he brought his one good +eye to bear upon her. + +Lloyd repeated her statement, answering his remonstrance and +expostulation with: + +"You are almost perfectly well, and it would not be at all--discreet for +me to stay here an hour longer than absolutely necessary. I shall go +back to-morrow or next day." + +"But, I tell you, I am still very sick. I'm a poor, miserable, shattered +wreck." + +He made a great show of coughing in hollow, lamentable tones. + +"Listen to that, and last night I had a high fever, and this morning I +had a queer sort of pain about here--" he vaguely indicated the region +of his chest. "I think I am about to have a relapse." + +"Nonsense! You can't frighten me at all." + +"Oh, well," he answered easily, "I shall go with you--that is all. I +suppose you want to see me venture out in such raw, bleak weather as +this--with my weak lungs." + +"Your weak lungs? How long since?" + +"Well, I--I've sometimes thought my lungs were not very strong." + +"Why, dear me, you poor thing; I suppose the climate at Kolyuchin Bay +_was_ a trifle too bracing--" + +"What does Campbell say?" + +"--and the diet too rich for your blood--" + +"What does Campbell say?" + +"--and perhaps you did overexert--" + +"Lloyd Searight, what does Mr. Campbell say in that--" + +"He asks me to marry him." + +"To mum--mar--marry him? Well, damn his impudence!" + +"Mr. Campbell is an eminently respectable and worthy gentleman." + +"Oh, well, I don't care. Go! Go, marry Mr. Campbell. Be happy. I forgive +you both. Go, leave me to die alone." + +"Sir, I will go. Forget that you ever knew an unhappy wom--female, whose +only fault was that she loved you." + +"Go! and sometimes think of me far away on the billow and drop a silent +tear--I say, how are you going to answer Campbell's letter?" + +"Just one word--'_Come_.'" + +"Lloyd, be serious. This is no joke." + +"Joke!" she repeated hollowly. "It is, indeed, a sorry joke. Ah! had I +but loved with a girlish love, it would have been better for me." + +Then suddenly she caught him about the neck with both her arms, and +kissed him on the cheek and on the lips, a little quiver running through +her to her finger-tips, her mood changing abruptly to a deep, sweet +earnestness. + +"Oh, Ward, Ward!" she cried, "all our unhappiness and all our sorrow and +trials and anxiety and cruel suspense are over now, and now we really +have each other and love each other, dear, and all the years to come are +only going to bring happiness to us, and draw us closer and nearer to +each other." + +"But here's a point, Lloyd," said Bennett after a few moments and when +they had returned to coherent speech; "how about your work? You talk +about my career; what about yours? We are to be married, but I know just +how you have loved your work. It will be a hard wrench for you if you +give that up. I am not sure that I should ask it of you. This letter of +Street's, now. I know just how eager you must be to take charge of such +operations--such important cases as he mentions. It would be very +selfish of me to ask you to give up your work. It's your life-work, your +profession, your career." + +Lloyd took up Dr. Street's letter, and, holding it delicately at arm's +length, tore it in two and let the pieces flutter to the floor. + +"That, for my life-work," said Lloyd Searight. + +As she drew back from him an instant later Bennett all at once and very +earnestly demanded: + +"Lloyd, do you love me?" + +"With all my heart, Ward." + +"And you will be my wife?" + +"You know that I will." + +"Then"--Bennett picked up the little volume of "Arctic Research" which +he had received that morning, and tossed it from him upon the +floor--"that, for my career," he answered. + +For a moment they were silent, looking gladly into each other's eyes. +Then Bennett drew her to him again and held her close to him, and once +more she put her arms around his neck and nestled her head down upon his +shoulder with a little comfortable sigh of contentment and relief and +quiet joy, for that the long, fierce trial was over; that there were no +more fights to be fought, no more grim, hard situations to face, no more +relentless duties to be done. She had endured and she had prevailed; now +her reward was come. Now for the long, calm years of happiness. + +Later in the day, about an hour after noon, Bennett took his daily nap, +carefully wrapped in shawls and stretched out in a wicker steamer-chair +in the glass-room. Lloyd, in the meantime, was busy in the garden at the +side of the house, gathering flowers which she intended to put in a huge +china bowl in Bennett's room. While she was thus occupied Adler, +followed by Kamiska, came up. Adler pulled off his cap. + +"I beg pardon, Miss," he began, turning his cap about between his +fingers. "I don't want to seem to intrude, and if I do I just guess +you'd better tell me so first off. But what did he say--or did he say +anything--the captain, I mean--this morning about going up again? I +heard you talking to him at breakfast. That's it, that's the kind of +talk he needs. I can't talk that talk to him. I'm so main scared of him. +I wouldn't 'a' believed the captain would ever say he'd give up, would +ever say he was beaten. But, Miss, I'm thinking as there's something +wrong, main wrong with the captain these days besides fever. He's +getting soft--that's what he is. If you'd only know the man that he +was--before--while we was up there in the Ice! That's his work, that's +what he's cut out for. There ain't nobody can do it but him, and to see +him quit, to see him chuck up his chance to a third-rate ice-pilot like +Duane--a coastwise college professor that don't know no more about Ice +than--than you do--it regularly makes me sick. Why, what will become of +the captain now if he quits? He'll just settle down to an ordinary +stay-at-home, write-in-a-book professor, and write articles for the +papers and magazines, and bye-and-bye, maybe, he'll get down to +lecturing! Just fancy, Miss, him, the captain, lecturing! And while he +stays at home and writes, and--oh, Lord!--lectures, somebody else, +without a fifth of his ability, will do the _work_. It'll just naturally +break my heart, it will!" exclaimed Adler, "if the captain chucks. I +wouldn't be so main sorry that he won't reach the Pole as that he quit +trying--as that a man like the captain--or like what I thought he +was--gave up and chucked when he could win." + +"But, Adler," returned Lloyd, "the captain--Mr. Bennett, it seems to me, +has done his share. Think what he's been through. You can't have +forgotten the march to Kolyuchin Bay?" + +But Adler made an impatient gesture with the hand that held the cap. +"The danger don't figure; what he'd have to go through with don't +figure; the chances of life or death don't figure; nothing in the world +don't figure. _It's his work_; God A'mighty cut him out for that, and +he's got to do it. Ain't you got any influence with him, Miss? Won't you +talk good talk to him? Don't let him chuck; don't let him get soft. Make +him be a Man and not a professor." + +When Adler had left her Lloyd sank into a little seat at the edge of the +garden walk, and let the flowers drop into her lap, and leaned back in +her place, wide-eyed and thoughtful, reviewing in her imagination the +events of the past few months. What a change that summer had brought to +both of them; how they had been shaped anew in the mould of +circumstance! + +Suddenly and without warning, they two, high-spirited, strong, +determined, had clashed together, the man's force against the woman's +strength; and the woman, inherently weaker, had been crushed and +humbled. For a time it seemed to her that she had been broken beyond +hope; so humbled that she could never rise again; as though a great +crisis had developed in her life, and that, having failed once, she must +fail again, and again, and again--as if her whole subsequent life must +be one long failure. But a greater crisis had followed hard upon the +heels of the first--the struggle with self, the greatest struggle of +all. Against the abstract principle of evil the woman who had failed in +the material conflict with a masculine, masterful will, had succeeded, +had conquered self, had been true when it was easy to be false, had +dared the judgment of her peers so only that she might not deceive. + +Her momentary, perhaps fancied, hatred of Bennett, who had so cruelly +misunderstood and humiliated her, had apparently, of its own accord, +departed from her heart. Then had come the hour when the strange hazard +of fortune had reversed their former positions, when she could be +masterful while he was weak; when it was the man's turn to be broken, to +be prevailed against. Her own discomfiture had been offset by his. She +no longer need look to him as her conqueror, her master. And when she +had seen him so weak, so pathetically unable to resist the lightest +pressure of her hand; when it was given her not only to witness but to +relieve his suffering, the great love for him that could not die had +returned. With the mastery of self had come the forgetfulness of self; +and her profession, her life-work, of which she had been so proud, had +seemed to her of small concern. Now she was his, and his life was hers. +She should--so she told herself--be henceforward happy in his happiness, +and her only pride would be the pride in his achievements. + +But now the unexpected had happened, and Bennett had given up his +career. During the period of Bennett's convalescence Lloyd had often +talked long and earnestly with him, and partly from what he had told her +and partly from much that she inferred she had at last been able to +trace out and follow the mental processes and changes through which +Bennett had passed. He, too, had been proved by fire; he, too, had had +his ordeal, his trial. + +By nature, by training, and by virtue of the life he lived Bennett had +been a man, harsh, somewhat brutal, inordinately selfish, and at all +times magnificently arrogant. He had neither patience nor toleration for +natural human weakness. While selfish, he was not self-conscious, and it +never occurred to him, it was impossible for him to see that he was a +giant among men. His heart was callous; his whole nature and character +hard and flinty from the buffetings he gave rather than received. + +Then had come misfortune. Ferriss had died, and Bennett's recognition +and acknowledgment of the fact that he, Ward Bennett, who never failed, +who never blundered, had made at last the great and terrible error of +his life, had shaken his character to its very foundations. This was +only the beginning; the breach once made, Humanity entered into the +gloomy, waste places of his soul; remorse crowded hard upon his wonted +arrogance; generosity and the impulse to make amends took the place of +selfishness; kindness thrust out the native brutality; the old-time +harshness and imperiousness gave way to a certain spirit of toleration. + +It was the influence of these new emotions that had moved Bennett to +make the statement to Adler that had so astonished and perplexed his +old-time subordinate. He, Bennett, too, like Lloyd, was at that time +endeavouring to free himself from a false position, and through the +medium of confession stand in his true colours in the eyes of his +associates. Unconsciously they were both working out their salvation +along the same lines. + +Then had come Bennett's resolve to give Ferriss the conspicuous and +prominent place in his book, the account of the expedition. The more +Bennett dwelt upon Ferriss's heroism, intelligence, and ability the more +his task became a labour of love, and the more the idea of self dropped +away from his thought and imagination. Then--and perhaps this was not +the least important factor in Bennett's transformation--sickness had +befallen; the strong and self-reliant man had been brought to the +weakness of a child, whom the pressure of a finger could control. He +suddenly changed places with the woman he believed he had, at such +fearful cost, broken and subdued. His physical strength, once so +enormous, was as a reed in the woman's hand; his will, so indomitable, +was as powerless as an infant's before the woman's calm resolve, rising +up there before him and overmastering him at a time he believed it to be +forever weakened. + +Bennett had come forth from the ordeal chastened, softened, and humbled. +But he was shattered, broken, brought to the earth with sorrow and the +load of unavailing regret. Ambition was numb and lifeless within him. +Reaction from his former attitude of aggression and defiance had carried +him far beyond the normal. + +Here widened the difference between the man and the woman. Lloyd's +discontinuance of her life-work had been in the nature of heroic +subjugation of self. Bennett's abandonment of his career was hardly +better than weakness. In the one it had been renunciation; in the other +surrender. In the end, and after all was over, it was the woman who +remained the stronger. + +But for her, the woman, was it true that all was over? Had the last +conflict been fought? Was it not rather to be believed that life was one +long conflict? Was it not for her, Lloyd, to rouse that sluggard +ambition? Was not this her career, after all, to be his inspiration, his +incentive, to urge him to the accomplishment of a great work? Now, of +the two, she was the stronger. In these new conditions what was her +duty? Adler's clumsy phrases persisted in her mind. "That's his work," +Adler had said. "God Almighty cut him out for that, and he's got to do +it. Don't let him chuck, don't let him get soft; make him be a man and +not a professor." + +Had she so much influence over Bennett? Could she rouse the restless, +daring spirit again? Perhaps; but what would it mean for her--for her, +who must be left behind to wait, and wait, and wait--for three years, +for five years, for ten years--perhaps forever? And now, at this moment, +when she believed that at last happiness had come to her; when the duty +had been done, the grim problems solved; when sickness had been +overcome; when love had come back, and the calm, untroubled days seemed +lengthening out ahead, there came to her recollection the hideous lapse +of time that had intervened between the departure of the Freja and the +expedition's return; what sleepless nights, what days of unspeakable +suspense, what dreadful alternations between hope and despair, what +silent, repressed suffering, what haunting, ever-present dread of a +thing she dared not name! Was the Fear to come into her life again; the +Enemy that lurked and leered and forebore to strike, that hung upon her +heels at every hour of the day, that sat down with her to her every +occupation, that followed after when she stirred abroad, that came close +to her in the still watches of the night, creeping, creeping to her +bedside, looming over her in the darkness; the cold fingers reaching +closer and closer, the awful face growing ever more distinct, till the +suspense of waiting for the blow to fall, for the fingers to grip, +became more than she could bear, and she sprang from her bed with a +stifled sob of anguish, driven from her rest with quivering lips and +streaming eyes? + +Abruptly Lloyd rose to her feet, the flowers falling unheeded from her +lap, her arms rigid at her side, her hands shut tight. + +"No," she murmured, "I cannot. This, at last, is more than I can do." + +Instantly Adler's halting words went ringing through her brain: "The +danger don't figure; nothing in the world don't figure. It's his work." + +Adler's words were the words of the world. She alone of the thousands +whose eyes were turned toward Bennett was blinded. She was wrong. She +belonged to him, but he did not belong to her. The world demanded him; +the world called him from her side to do the terrible work that God had +made him for. Was she, because she loved him, because of her own single +anguish, to stand between him and the clamour of the world, between him +and his work, between him and God? + +A work there was for him to do. He must play the man's part. The battle +must be fought again. That horrible, grisly Enemy far up there to the +north, upon the high curve of the globe, the shoulder of the world, +huge, remorseless, terrible in its vast, Titanic strength, guarding its +secret through all the centuries in the innermost of a thousand gleaming +coils, must be defied again. The monster that defended the great prize, +the object of so many fruitless quests must be once more attacked. + +His was the work, for him the shock of battle, the rigour of the fight, +the fierce assault, the ceaseless onset, the unfailing and unflinching +courage. + +Hers was the woman's part. Already she had assumed it; steadfast +unselfishness, renunciation, patience, the heroism greater than all +others, that sits with folded hands, quiet, unshaken, and under fearful +stress, endures, and endures, and endures. To be the inspiration of +great deeds, high hopes, and firm resolves, and then, while the fight +was dared, to wait in calmness for its issue--that was her duty, that, +the woman's part in the world's great work. + +Lloyd was dimly conscious of a certain sweet and subtle element in her +love for Bennett that only of late she had begun to recognise and be +aware of. This was a certain vague protective, almost maternal, +instinct. Perhaps it was because of his present weakness both of body +and character, or perhaps it was an element always to be found in the +deep and earnest love of any noble-hearted woman. She felt that she, not +as herself individually, but as a woman, was not only stronger than +Bennett, but in a manner older, more mature. She was conscious of depths +in her nature far greater than in his, and also that she was capable of +attaining heights of heroism, devotion, and sacrifice which he, for all +his masculine force, could not only never reach, but could not even +conceive of. It was this consciousness of her larger, better nature that +made her feel for Bennett somewhat as a mother feels for a son, a sister +for her younger brother. A great tenderness mingled with her affection, +a vast and almost divine magnanimity, a broad, womanly pity for his +shortcomings, his errors, his faults. It was to her he must look for +encouragement. It was for her to bind up and reshape the great energy +that had been so rudely checked, and not only to call back his strength, +but to guide it and direct into its appointed channels. + +Lloyd returned toward the glass-enclosed veranda to find Bennett just +arousing from his nap. She drew the shawls closer about him and +rearranged the pillows under his head, and then sat down on the steps +near at hand. + +"Tell me about this Captain Duane," she began. "Where is he now?" + +Bennett yawned and passed his hand across his face, rubbing the sleep +from his eyes. + +"What time is it? I must have slept over an hour. Duane? Why, you saw +what the paper said. I presume he is at Tasiusak." + +"Do you think he will succeed? Do you think he will reach the Pole? +Adler thinks he won't." + +"Oh, perhaps, if he has luck and an open season." + +"But tell me, why does he take so many men? Isn't that contrary to the +custom? I know a great deal about arctic work. While you were away I +read every book I could get upon the subject. The best work has been +done with small expeditions. If you should go again--when you go again, +will you take so many? I saw you quoted somewhere as being in favour of +only six or eight men." + +"Ten should be the limit--but some one else will make the attempt now. +I'm out of it. I tried and failed." + +"Failed--you! The idea of you ever failing, of you ever giving up! Of +course it was all very well to joke this morning about giving up your +career; but I know you will be up and away again only too soon. I am +trying to school myself to expect that." + +"Lloyd, I tell you that I am out of it. I don't believe the Pole ever +can be reached, and I don't much care whether it is reached or not." + +Suddenly Lloyd turned to him, the unwonted light flashing in her eyes. +"_I_ do, though," she cried vehemently. "It can be done, and +we--America--ought to do it." + +Bennett stared at her, startled by her outburst. + +"This English expedition," Lloyd continued, the colour flushing in her +cheeks, "this Duane-Parsons expedition, they will have the start of +everybody next year. Nearly every attempt that is made now establishes a +new record for a high latitude. One nation after another is creeping +nearer and nearer almost every year, and each expedition is profiting by +the experiences and observations made by the one that preceded it. Some +day, and not very long now, some nation is going to succeed and plant +its flag there at last. Why should it not be us? Why shouldn't _our_ +flag be first at the Pole? We who have had so many heroes, such great +sailors, such splendid leaders, such explorers--our Stanleys, our +Farraguts, our Decaturs, our De Longs, our Lockwoods--how we would stand +ashamed before the world if some other nation should succeed where we +have all but succeeded--Norway, or France, or Russia, or +England--profiting by our experiences, following where we have made the +way!" + +"That is very fine," admitted Bennett. "It would be a great honour, the +greatest perhaps; and once--I--well, I had my ambitions, too. But it's +all different now. Something in me died when--Dick--when--I--oh, let +Duane try. Let him do his best. I know it can't be done, and if he +should win, I would be the first to wire congratulations. Lloyd, I don't +care. I've lost interest. I suppose it is my punishment. I'm out of the +race. I'm a back number. I'm down." + +Lloyd shook her head. + +"I don't--I can't believe you." + +"Do you want to see me go," demanded Bennett, "after this last +experience? Do you urge me to it?" + +Lloyd turned her head away, leaning it against one of the veranda +pillars. A sudden dimness swam in her eyes, the choking ache she knew so +well came to her throat. Ah, life was hard for her. The very greatness +of her nature drove from her the happiness so constantly attained by +little minds, by commonplace souls. When was it to end, this continual +sacrifice of inclination to duty, this eternal abnegation, this yielding +up of herself, her dearest, most cherished wishes to the demands of duty +and the great world? + +"I don't know what I want," she said faintly. "It don't seem as if one +_could_ be happy--very long." + +All at once she moved close to him and laid her cheek upon the arm of +his chair and clasped his hand in both her own, murmuring: "But I have +you now, I have you now, no matter what is coming to us." + +A sense of weakness overcame her. What did she care that Bennett should +fulfil his destiny, should round out his career, should continue to be +the Great Man? It was he, Bennett, that she loved--not his greatness, +not his career. Let it all go, let ambition die, let others less worthy +succeed in the mighty task. What were fame and honour and glory and the +sense of a divinely appointed duty done at last to the clasp of his hand +and the sound of his voice? + +In November of that year Lloyd and Bennett were married. Two guests only +assisted at the ceremony. These were Campbell and his little daughter +Hattie. + + + + +X. + + +The months passed; Christmas came and went. Until then the winter had +been unusually mild, but January set in with a succession of vicious +cold snaps and great blustering winds out of the northeast. Lloyd and +Bennett had elected to remain quietly in their new home at Medford. They +had no desire to travel, and Bennett's forthcoming book demanded his +attention. Adler stayed on about the house. He and the dog Kamiska were +companions inseparable. At long intervals visitors presented +themselves--Dr. Street, or Pitts, or certain friends of Bennett's. But +the great rush of interviewers, editors, and projectors of marvellous +schemes that had crowded Bennett's anterooms during the spring and early +summer was conspicuously dwindling. The press ceased to speak of him; +even his mail had fallen away. Now, whenever the journals of the day +devoted space to arctic exploration, it was invariably in reference to +the English expedition wintering on the Greenland coast. That world that +had clamoured so loudly upon Bennett's return, while, perhaps, not yet +forgetting him, was already ignoring him, was looking in other +directions. Another man was in the public eye. + +But in every sense these two--Lloyd and Bennett--were out of the world. +They had freed themselves from the current of affairs. They stood aside +while the great tide went careering past swift and turbulent, and one of +them at least lacked even the interest to look on and watch its +progress. + +For a time Lloyd was supremely happy. Their life was unbroken, +uneventful. The calm, monotonous days of undisturbed happiness to which +she had looked forward were come at last. Thus it was always to be. +Isolated and apart, she could shut her ears to the thunder of the +world's great tide that somewhere, off beyond the hills in the direction +of the City, went swirling through its channels. Hardly an hour went by +that she and Bennett were not together. Lloyd had transferred her stable +to her new home; Lewis was added to the number of their servants, and +until Bennett's old-time vigour completely returned to him she drove out +almost daily with her husband, covering the country for miles around. + +Much of their time, however, they spent in Bennett's study. This was a +great apartment in the rear of the house, scantily, almost meanly, +furnished. Papers littered the floor; bundles of manuscripts, lists, +charts, and observations, the worn and battered tin box of records, +note-books, journals, tables of logarithms were piled upon Bennett's +desk. A bookcase crammed with volumes of reference, statistical +pamphlets, and the like stood between the windows, while one of the +walls was nearly entirely occupied by a vast map of the arctic circle, +upon which the course of the Freja, her drift in the pack, and the route +of the expedition's southerly march were accurately plotted. + +The room was bare of ornament; the desk and a couple of chairs were its +only furniture. Pictures there were none. Their places were taken by +photographs and a great blue print of the shipbuilder's plans and +specifications of the Freja. + +The photographs were some of those that Dennison had made of the +expedition--the Freja nipped in the ice, a group of the officers and +crew upon the forward deck, the coast of Wrangel Island, Cape Kammeni, +peculiar ice formations, views of the pack under different conditions +and temperatures, pressure-ridges and scenes of the expedition's daily +life in the arctic, bear-hunts, the manufacture of sledges, dog-teams, +Bennett taking soundings and reading the wind-gauge, and one, the last +view of the Freja, taken just as the ship--her ice-sheathed dripping +bows heaved high in the air, the flag still at the peak--sank from +sight. + +However, on the wall over the blue-print plans of the Freja, one of the +boat's flags, that had been used by the expedition throughout all the +time of its stay in the ice, hung suspended--a faded, tattered square of +stars and bars. + +As the new life settled quietly and evenly to its grooves a routine +began to develop. About an hour after breakfast Lloyd and Bennett shut +themselves in Bennett's "workroom," as he called it, Lloyd taking her +place at the desk. She had become his amanuensis, had insisted upon +writing to his dictation. + +"Look at that manuscript," she had exclaimed one day, turning the sheets +that Bennett had written; "literally the very worst handwriting I have +ever seen. What do you suppose a printer would make out of your 'thes' +and 'ands'? It's hieroglyphics, you know," she informed him gravely, +nodding her head at him. + +It was quite true. Bennett wrote with amazing rapidity and with ragged, +vigorous strokes of the pen, not unfrequently driving the point through +the paper itself; his script was pothooks, clumsy, slanting in all +directions, all but illegible. In the end Lloyd had almost pushed him +from his place at the desk, taking the pen from between his fingers, +exclaiming: + +"Get up! Give me your chair--and that pen. Handwriting like that is +nothing else but a sin." + +Bennett allowed her to bully him, protesting merely for the enjoyment of +squabbling with her. + +"Come, I like this. What are you doing in my workroom anyhow, Mrs. +Bennett? I think you had better go to your housework." + +"Don't talk," she answered. "Here are your notes and journal. Now tell +me what to write." + +In the end matters adjusted themselves. Daily Lloyd took her place at +the desk, pen in hand, the sleeve of her right arm rolled back to the +elbow (a habit of hers whenever writing, and which Bennett found to be +charming beyond words), her pen travelling steadily from line to line. +He on his part paced the floor, a cigar between his teeth, his notes and +note-books in his hand, dictating comments of his own, or quoting from +the pages, stained, frayed, and crumpled, written by the light of the +auroras, the midnight suns, or the unsteady, flickering of train-oil +lanterns and blubber-lamps. + +What long, delicious hours they spent thus, as the winter drew on, in +the absolute quiet of that country house, ignored and lost in the brown, +bare fields and leafless orchards of the open country! No one troubled +them. No one came near them. They asked nothing better than that the +world wherein they once had lived, whose hurtling activity and febrile +unrest they both had known so well, should leave them alone. + +Only one jarring note, and that none too resonant, broke the long +harmony of Lloyd's happiness during these days. Bennett was deaf to it; +but for Lloyd it vibrated continuously and, as time passed, with +increasing insistence and distinctness. But for one person in the world +Lloyd could have told herself that her life was without a single element +of discontent. + +This was Adler. It was not that his presence about the house was a +reproach to Bennett's wife, for the man was scrupulously unobtrusive. He +had the instinctive delicacy that one sometimes discovers in simple, +undeveloped natures--seafaring folk especially--and though he could not +bring himself to leave his former chief, he had withdrawn himself more +than ever from notice since the time of Bennett's marriage. He rarely +even waited on the table these days, for Lloyd and Bennett often chose +to breakfast and dine quite to themselves. + +But, for all that, Lloyd saw Adler from time to time, Kamiska invariably +at his heels. She came upon him polishing the brasses upon the door of +the house, or binding strips of burlaps and sacking about the +rose-bushes in the garden, or returning from the village post-office +with the mail, invariably wearing the same woollen cap, the old +pea-jacket, and the jersey with the name "Freja" upon the breast. He +rarely spoke to her unless she first addressed him, and then always with +a precise salute, bringing his heels sharply together, standing stiffly +at attention. + +But the man, though all unwittingly, radiated gloom. Lloyd readily saw +that Adler was labouring under a certain cloud of disappointment and +deferred hope. Naturally she understood the cause. Lloyd was too +large-hearted to feel any irritation at the sight of Adler. But she +could not regard him with indifference. To her mind he stood for all +that Bennett had given up, for the great career that had stopped +half-way, for the work half done, the task only half completed. In a way +was not Adler now superior to Bennett? His one thought and aim and hope +was to "try again." His ambition was yet alive and alight; the soldier +was willing where the chief lost heart. Never again had Adler addressed +himself to Lloyd on the subject of Bennett's inactivity. Now he seemed +to understand--to realise that once married--and to Lloyd--he must no +longer expect Bennett to continue the work. All this Lloyd interpreted +from Adler's attitude, and again and again told herself that she could +read the man's thoughts aright. She even fancied she caught a mute +appeal in his eyes upon those rare occasions when they met, as though he +looked to her as the only hope, the only means to wake Bennett from his +lethargy. She imagined that she heard him say: + +"Ain't you got any influence with him, Miss? Won't you talk good talk to +him? Don't let him chuck. Make him be a man, and not a professor. +Nothing else in the world don't figure. It's his work. God A'mighty cut +him out for that, and he's got to do it." + +His work, his work, God made him for that; appointed the task, made the +man, and now she came between. God, Man, and the Work,--the three vast +elements of an entire system, the whole universe epitomised in the +tremendous trinity. Again and again such thoughts assailed her. Duty +once more stirred and awoke. It seemed to her as if some great engine +ordained of Heaven to run its appointed course had come to a standstill, +was rusting to its ruin, and that she alone of all the world had power +to grasp its lever, to send it on its way; whither, she did not know; +why, she could not tell. She knew only that it was right that she should +act. By degrees her resolution hardened. Bennett must try again. But at +first it seemed to her as though her heart would break, and more than +once she wavered. + +As Bennett continued to dictate to her the story of the expedition he +arrived at the account of the march toward Kolyuchin Bay, and, finally, +at the description of the last week, with its terrors, its sufferings, +its starvation, its despair, when, one by one, the men died in their +sleeping-bags, to be buried under slabs of ice. When this point in the +narrative was reached Bennett inserted no comment of his own; but while +Lloyd wrote, read simply and with grim directness from the entries in +his journal precisely as they had been written. + +Lloyd had known in a vague way that the expedition had suffered +abominably, but hitherto Bennett had never consented to tell her the +story in detail. "It was a hard week," he informed her, "a rather bad +grind." + +Now, for the first time, she was to know just what had happened, just +what he had endured. + +As usual, Bennett paced the floor from wall to wall, his cigar in his +teeth, his tattered, grimy ice-journal in his hand. At the desk Lloyd's +round, bare arm, the sleeve turned up to the elbow, moved evenly back +and forth as she wrote. In the intervals of Bennett's dictation the +scratching of Lloyd's pen made itself heard. A little fire snapped and +crackled on the hearth. The morning's sun came flooding in at the +windows. + +"... Gale of wind from the northeast," prompted Lloyd, raising her head +from her writing. Bennett continued: + +"Impossible to march against it in our weakened condition." + +He paused for her to complete the sentence. + +"... Must camp here till it abates...." + +"Have you got that?" Lloyd nodded. + +"... Made soup of the last of the dog-meat this afternoon.... Our +last pemmican gone." + +There was a pause; then Bennett resumed: + +"December 1st, Wednesday--Everybody getting weaker.... Metz breaking +down.... Sent Adler to the shore to gather shrimps ... we had about +a mouthful apiece at noon ... supper, a spoonful of glycerine and +hot water." + +Lloyd put her hand to her temple, smoothing back her hair, her face +turned away. As before, in the park, on that warm and glowing summer +afternoon, a swift, clear vision of the Ice was vouchsafed to her. She +saw the coast of Kolyuchin Bay--primordial desolation, whirling +dust-like snow, the unleashed wind yelling like a sabbath of witches, +leaping and somersaulting from rock to rock, folly-stricken and +insensate in its hideous dance of death. Bennett continued. His voice +insensibly lowered itself, a certain gravity of manner came upon him. At +times he looked at the written pages in his hand with vague, unseeing +eyes. No doubt he, too, was remembering. + +He resumed: + +"December 2d, Thursday--Metz died during the night.... Hansen dying. +Still blowing a gale from the northeast.... A hard night." + +Lloyd's pen moved slower and slower as she wrote. The lines of the +manuscript began to blur and swim before her eyes. + +And it was to this that she must send him. To this inhuman, horrible +region; to this life of prolonged suffering, where death came slowly +through days of starvation, exhaustion, and agony hourly renewed. He +must dare it all again. She must force him to it. Her decision had been +taken; her duty was plain to her. Now it was irrevocable. + +"... Hansen died during early morning.... Dennison breaking down.... + +"... December 5th--Sunday--Dennison found dead this morning between +Adler and myself...." + +The vision became plainer, more distinct. She fancied she saw the +interior of the tent and the dwindling number of the Freja's survivors +moving about on their hands and knees in its gloomy half-light. Their +hair and beards were long, their faces black with dirt, monstrously +distended and fat with the bloated irony of starvation. They were no +longer men. After that unspeakable stress of misery nothing but the +animal remained. + +"... Too weak to bury him, or even carry him out of the tent.... He +must lie where he is.... Last spoonful of glycerine and hot +water.... Divine service at 5:30 P.M...." + +Once more Lloyd faltered in her writing; her hand moved slower. Shut her +teeth though she might, the sobs would come; swiftly the tears brimmed +her eyes, but she tried to wink them back, lest Bennett should see. +Heroically she wrote to the end of the sentence. A pause followed: + +"Yes--' divine services at'--I--I--" + +The pen dropped from her fingers and she sank down upon her desk, her +head bowed in the hollow of her bare arm, shaken from head to foot with +the violence of the crudest grief she had ever known. Bennett threw his +journal from him, and came to her, taking her in his arms, putting her +head upon his shoulder. + +"Why, Lloyd, what is it--why, old chap, what the devil! I was a beast to +read that to you. It wasn't really as bad as that, you know, and +besides, look here, look at me. It all happened three years ago. It's +all over with now." + +Without raising her head, and clinging to him all the closer, Lloyd +answered brokenly: + +"No, no; it's not all over. It never, never will be." + +"Pshaw, nonsense!" Bennett blustered, "you must not take it to heart +like this. We're going to forget all about it now. Here, damn the book, +anyhow! We've had enough of it to-day. Put your hat on. We'll have the +ponies out and drive somewhere. And to-night we'll go into town and see +a show at a theatre." + +"No," protested Lloyd, pushing back from him, drying her eyes. "You +shall not think I'm so weak. We will go on with what we have to do--with +our work. I'm all right now." + +Bennett marched her out of the room without more ado, and, following +her, closed and locked the door behind them. "We'll not write another +word of that stuff to-day. Get your hat and things. I'm going out to +tell Lewis to put the ponies in." + +But that day marked a beginning. From that time on Lloyd never faltered, +and if there were moments when the iron bit deeper than usual into her +heart, Bennett never knew her pain. By degrees a course of action +planned itself for her. A direct appeal to Bennett she believed would +not only be useless, but beyond even her heroic courage. She must +influence him indirectly. The initiative must appear to come from him. +It must seem to him that he, of his own accord, roused his dormant +resolution. It was a situation that called for all her feminine tact, +all her delicacy, all her instinctive diplomacy. + +The round of their daily life was renewed, but now there was a change. +It was subtle, illusive, a vague, indefinite trouble in the air. Lloyd +had addressed herself to her task, and from day to day, from hour to +hour, she held to it, unseen, unnoticed. Now it was a remark dropped as +if by chance in the course of conversation; now an extract cut from a +newspaper or scientific journal, and left where Bennett would find it; +now merely a look in her eyes, an instant's significant glance when her +gaze met her husband's, or a moment's enthusiasm over the news of some +discovery. Insensibly and with infinite caution she directed his +attention to the world he believed he had abjured; she called into being +his interest in his own field of action, reading to him by the hour from +the writings of other men, or advancing and championing theories which +she knew to be false and ridiculous, but which she goaded him to deny +and refute. + +One morning she even feigned an exclamation of unbounded astonishment as +she opened the newspaper while the two were at breakfast, pretending to +read from imaginary headlines. + +"Ward, listen! 'The Pole at Last. A Norwegian Expedition Solves the +Mystery of the Arctic. The Goal Reached After--'" + +"What!" cried Bennett sharply, his frown lowering. + +"'--After Centuries of Failure.'" Lloyd put down the paper with a note +of laughter. + +"Suppose you should read it some day." + +Bennett subsided with a good-humoured growl. + +"You did scare me for a moment. I thought--I thought--" + +"I did scare you? Why were you scared? What did you think?" She leaned +toward him eagerly. + +"I thought--well--oh--that some other chap, Duane, perhaps--" + +"He's still at Tasiusak. But he will succeed, I do believe. I've read a +great deal about him. He has energy and determination. If anybody +succeeds it will be Duane." + +"He? Never!" + +"Somebody, then." + +"You said once that if your husband couldn't nobody could." + +"Yes, yes, I know," she answered cheerfully. "But you--you are out of +it now." + +"Huh!" he grumbled. "It's not because I don't think I could if I wanted +to." + +"No, you could not, Ward. Nobody can." + +"But you just said you thought somebody would some day." + +"Did I? Oh, suppose you really should one of these days!" + +"And suppose I never came back?" + +"Nonsense! Of course you would come back. They all do nowadays." + +"De Long didn't." + +"But you are not De Long." + +And for the rest of the day Lloyd noted with a sinking heart that +Bennett was unusually thoughtful and preoccupied. She said nothing, and +was studious to avoid breaking in upon his reflections, whatever they +might be. She kept out of his way as much as possible, but left upon his +desk, as if by accident, a copy of a pamphlet issued by a geographical +society, open at an article upon the future of exploration within the +arctic circle. At supper that night Bennett suddenly broke in upon a +rather prolonged silence with: + +"It's all in the ship. Build a ship strong enough to withstand lateral +pressure of the ice and the whole thing becomes easy." + +Lloyd yawned and stirred her tea indifferently as she answered: + +"Yes, but you know that can't be done." + +Bennett frowned thoughtfully, drumming upon the table. + +"I'll wager _I_ could build one." + +"But it's not the ship alone. It's the man. Whom would you get to +command your ship?" + +Bennett stared. + +"Why, I would take her, of course." + +"You? You have had your share--your chance. Now you can afford to stay +home and finish your book--and--well, you might deliver lectures." + +"What rot, Lloyd! Can you see me posing on a lecture platform?" + +"I would rather see you doing that than trying to beat Duane, than +getting into the ice again. I would rather see you doing that than to +know that you were away up there--in the north, in the ice, at your work +again, fighting your way toward the Pole, leading your men and +overcoming every obstacle that stood in your way, never giving up, never +losing heart, trying to do the great, splendid, impossible thing; +risking your life to reach merely a point on a chart. Yes, I would +rather see you on a lecture platform than on the deck of an arctic +steamship. You know that, Ward." + +He shot a glance at her. + +"I would like to know what you mean," he muttered. + +The winter went by, then the spring, and by June all the country around +Medford was royal with summer. During the last days of May, Bennett +practically had completed the body of his book and now occupied himself +with its appendix. There was little variation in their daily life. Adler +became more and more of a fixture about the place. In the first week of +June, Lloyd and Bennett had a visitor, a guest; this was Hattie +Campbell. Mr. Campbell was away upon a business trip, and Lloyd had +arranged to have the little girl spend the fortnight of his absence +with her at Medford. + +The summer was delightful. A vast, pervading warmth lay close over all +the world. The trees, the orchards, the rose-bushes in the garden about +the house, all the teeming life of trees and plants hung motionless and +poised in the still, tideless ocean of the air. It was very quiet; all +distant noises, the crowing of cocks, the persistent calling of robins +and jays, the sound of wheels upon the road, the rumble of the trains +passing the station down in the town, seemed muffled and subdued. The +long, calm summer days succeeded one another in an unbroken, glimmering +procession. From dawn to twilight one heard the faint, innumerable +murmurs of the summer, the dull bourdon of bees in the rose and lilac +bushes, the prolonged, strident buzzing of blue-bottle-flies, the harsh, +dry scrape of grasshoppers, the stridulating of an occasional cricket. +In the twilight and all through the night itself the frogs shrilled from +the hedgerows and in the damp, north corners of the fields, while from +the direction of the hills toward the east the whippoorwills called +incessantly. During the day the air was full of odours, distilled as it +were by the heat of high noon--the sweet smell of ripening apples, the +fragrance of warm sap and leaves and growing grass, the smell of cows +from the nearby pastures, the pungent, ammoniacal suggestion of the +stable back of the house, and the odour of scorching paint blistering on +the southern walls. + +July was very hot. No breath of wind stirred the vast, invisible sea of +air, quivering and oily under the vertical sun. The landscape was +deserted of animated life; there was little stirring abroad. In the +house one kept within the cool, darkened rooms with matting on the +floors and comfortable, deep wicker chairs, the windows wide to the +least stirring of the breeze. Adler dozed in his canvas hammock slung +between a hitching-post and a crab-apple tree in the shade behind the +stable. Kamiska sprawled at full length underneath the water-trough, her +tongue lolling, panting incessantly. An immeasurable Sunday stillness +seemed to hang suspended in the atmosphere--a drowsy, numbing hush. +There was no thought of the passing of time. The day of the week was +always a matter of conjecture. It seemed as though this life of heat and +quiet and unbroken silence was to last forever. + +Then suddenly there was an _alerte_. One morning, a day or so after +Hattie Campbell had returned to the City, just as Lloyd and Bennett were +finishing their breakfast in the now heavily awninged glass-room, they +were surprised to see Adler running down the road toward the house, +Kamiska racing on ahead, barking excitedly. Adler had gone into the town +for the mail and morning's paper. This latter he held wide open in his +hand, and as soon as he caught sight of Lloyd and Bennett waved it about +him, shouting as he ran. + +Lloyd's heart began to beat. There was only one thing that could excite +Adler to this degree--the English expedition; Adler had news of it; it +was in the paper. Duane had succeeded; had been working steadily +northward during all these past months, while Bennett-- + +"Stuck in the ice! stuck in the ice!" shouted Adler as he swung wide the +front gate and came hastening toward the veranda across the lawn. "What +did we say! Hooray! He's stuck. I knew it; any galoot might 'a' known +it. Duane's stuck tighter'n a wedge off Bache Island, in Kane Basin. +Here it all is; read it for yourself." + +Bennett took the paper from him and read aloud to the effect that the +Curlew, accompanied by her collier, which was to follow her to the +southerly limit of Kane Basin, had attempted the passage of Smith Sound +late in June. But the season, as had been feared, was late. The enormous +quantities of ice reported by the whalers the previous year had not +debouched from the narrow channel, and on the last day of June the +Curlew had found her further progress effectually blocked. In essaying +to force her way into a lead the ice had closed in behind her, and, +while not as yet nipped, the vessel was immobilised. There was no hope +that she would advance northward until the following summer. The +collier, which had not been beset, had returned to Tasiusak with the +news of the failure. + +"What a galoot! What a--a professor!" exclaimed Adler with a vast +disdain. "Him loafing at Tasiusak waiting for open water, when the Alert +wintered in eighty-two-twenty-four! Well, he's shelved for another year, +anyhow." + +Later on, after breakfast, Lloyd and Bennett shut themselves in +Bennett's workroom, and for upward of three hours addressed themselves +to the unfinished work of the previous day, compiling from Bennett's +notes a table of temperatures of the sea-water taken at different +soundings. Alternating with the scratching of Lloyd's pen, Bennett's +voice continued monotonously: + +"August 15th--2,000 meters or 1,093 fathoms--minus .66 degrees +centigrade or 30.81 Fahrenheit." + +"Fahrenheit," repeated Lloyd as she wrote the last word. + +"August 16th--1,600 meters or 874 fathoms--" + +"Eight hundred and seventy-four fathoms," repeated Lloyd as Bennett +paused abstractedly. + +"Or ... he's in a bad way, you know." + +"What do you mean?" + +"It's a bad bit of navigation along there. The Proteus was nipped and +crushed to kindling in about that same latitude ... h'm" ... Bennett +tugged at his mustache. Then, suddenly, as if coming to himself: +"Well--these temperatures now. Where were we? 'Eight hundred and +seventy-four fathoms, minus forty-six hundredths degrees centigrade.'" + +On the afternoon of the next day, just as they were finishing this +table, there was a knock at the door. It was Adler, and as Bennett +opened the door he saluted and handed him three calling-cards. Bennett +uttered an exclamation of surprise, and Lloyd turned about from the +desk, her pen poised in the air over the half-written sheet. + +"They might have let me know they were coming," she heard Bennett +mutter. "What do they want?" + +"Guess they came on that noon train, sir," hazarded Adler. "They didn't +say what they wanted, just inquired for you." + +"Who is it?" asked Lloyd, coming forward. + +Bennett read off the names on the cards. + +"Well, it's Tremlidge--that's the Tremlidge of the Times; he's the +editor and proprietor--and Hamilton Garlock--has something to do with +that new geographical society--president, I believe--and this one"--he +handed her the third card--"is a friend of yours, Craig V. Campbell, of +the Hercules Wrought Steel Company." + +Lloyd stared. "What can they want?" she murmured, looking up to him from +the card in some perplexity. Bennett shook his head. + +"Tell them to come up here," he said to Adler. + +Lloyd hastily drew down her sleeve over her bare arm. + +"Why up here, Ward?" she inquired abruptly. + +"Should we have seen them downstairs?" he demanded with a frown. "I +suppose so; I didn't think. Don't go," he added, putting a hand on her +arm as she started for the door. "You might as well hear what they have +to say." + +The visitors entered, Adler holding open the door--Campbell, well +groomed, clean-shaven, and gloved even in that warm weather; Tremlidge, +the editor of one of the greater daily papers of the City (and of the +country for the matter of that), who wore a monocle and carried a straw +hat under his arm; and Garlock, the vice-president of an international +geographical society, an old man, with beautiful white hair curling +about his ears, a great bow of black silk knotted about his +old-fashioned collar. The group presented, all unconsciously, three +great and highly developed phases of nineteenth-century +intelligence--science, manufactures, and journalism--each man of them a +master in his calling. + +When the introductions and preliminaries were over, Bennett took up his +position again in front of the fireplace, leaning against the mantle, +his hands in his pockets. Lloyd sat opposite to him at the desk, resting +her elbow on the edge. Hanging against the wall behind her was the vast +chart of the arctic circle. Tremlidge, the editor, sat on the bamboo +sofa near the end of the room, his elbows on his knees, gently tapping +the floor with the ferrule of his slim walking-stick; Garlock, the +scientist, had dropped into the depths of a huge leather chair and +leaned back in it comfortably, his legs crossed, one boot swinging +gently; Campbell stood behind this chair, drumming on the back +occasionally with the fingers of one hand, speaking to Bennett over +Garlock's shoulder, and from time to time turning to Tremlidge for +corroboration and support of what he was saying. + +Abruptly the conference began. + +"Well, Mr. Bennett, you got our wire?" Campbell said by way of +commencement. + +Bennett shook his head. + +"No," he returned in some surprise; "no, I got no wire." + +"That's strange," said Tremlidge. "I wired three days ago asking for +this interview. The address was right, I think. I wired: 'Care of Dr. +Pitts.' Isn't that right?" + +"That probably accounts for it," answered Bennett. "This is Pitts's +house, but he does not live here now. Your despatch, no doubt, went to +his office in the City, and was forwarded to him. He's away just now, +travelling, I believe. But--you're here. That's the essential." + +"Yes," murmured Garlock, looking to Campbell. "We're here, and we want +to have a talk with you." + +Campbell, who had evidently been chosen spokesman, cleared his throat. + +"Well, Mr. Bennett, I don't know just how to begin, so suppose +I begin at the beginning. Tremlidge and I belong to the same club in +the City, and in some way or other we have managed to see a good deal +of each other during the last half-dozen years. We find that we have +a good deal in common. I don't think his editorial columns are for +sale, and he doesn't believe there are blow-holes in my steel plates. +I really do believe we have certain convictions. Tremlidge seems to +have an idea that journalism can be clean and yet enterprising, and +tries to run his sheet accordingly, and I am afraid that I would not +make a bid for bridge girders below what it would cost to manufacture +them honestly. Tremlidge and I differ in politics; we hold conflicting +views as to municipal government; we attend different churches; we are +at variance in the matter of public education, of the tariff, of +emigration, and, heaven save the mark! of capital and labour, but we +tell ourselves that we are public-spirited and are a little proud that +God allowed us to be born in the United States; also it appears that we +have more money than Henry George believes to be right. Now," continued +Mr. Campbell, straightening himself as though he were about to touch +upon the real subject of his talk, "when the news of your return, Mr. +Bennett, was received, it was, as of course you understand, the one +topic of conversation in the streets, the clubs, the newspaper +offices--everywhere. Tremlidge and I met at our club at luncheon the +next week, and I remember perfectly well how long and how very earnestly +we talked of your work and of arctic exploration in general. + +"We found out all of a sudden that here at last was a subject we were +agreed upon, a subject in which we took an extraordinary mutual +interest. We discovered that we had read almost every explorer's book +from Sir John Franklin down. We knew all about the different theories +and plans of reaching the Pole. We knew how and why they had all failed; +but, for all that, we were both of the opinion" (Campbell leaned +forward, speaking with considerable energy) "that it can be done, and +that America ought to do it. That would be something better than even a +World's Fair. + +"We give out a good deal of money, Tremlidge and I, every year to public +works and one thing or another. We buy pictures by American +artists--pictures that we don't want; we found a scholarship now and +then; we contribute money to build groups of statuary in the park; we +give checks to the finance committees of libraries and museums and all +the rest of it, but, for the lives of us, we can feel only a mild +interest in the pictures and statues, and museums and colleges, though +we go on buying the one and supporting the other, because we think that +somehow it is right for us to do it. I'm afraid we are men more of +action than of art, literature, and the like. Tremlidge is, I know. He +wants facts, accomplished results. When he gives out his money he wants +to see the concrete, substantial return--and I'm not sure that I am not +of the same way of thinking. + +"Well, with this and with that, and after talking it all over a dozen +times--twenty times--we came to the conclusion that what we would most +like to aid financially would be a successful attempt by an +American-built ship, manned by American seamen, led by an American +commander, to reach the North Pole. We came to be very enthusiastic +about our idea; but we want it American from start to finish. We will +start the subscription, and want to head the list with our checks; but +we want every bolt in that ship forged in American foundries from metal +dug out of American soil. We want every plank in her hull shaped from +American trees, every sail of her woven by American looms, every man of +her born of American parents, and we want it this way because we believe +in American manufactures, because we believe in American shipbuilding, +because we believe in American sailmakers, and because we believe in the +intelligence and pluck and endurance and courage of the American sailor. + +"Well," Campbell continued, changing his position and speaking in a +quieter voice, "we did not say much to anybody, and, in fact, we never +really planned any expedition at all. We merely talked about its +practical nature and the desirability of having it distinctively +American. This was all last summer. What we wanted to do was to make the +scheme a popular one. It would not be hard to raise a hundred thousand +dollars from among a dozen or so men whom we both know, and we found +that we could count upon the financial support of Mr. Garlock's society. +That was all very well, but we wanted the _people_ to back this +enterprise. We would rather get a thousand five-dollar subscriptions +than five of a thousand dollars each. When our ship went out we wanted +her commander to feel, not that there were merely a few millionaires, +who had paid for his equipment and his vessel, behind him, but that he +had seventy millions of people, a whole nation, at his back. + +"So Tremlidge went to work and telegraphed instructions to the +Washington correspondents of his paper to sound quietly the temper of as +many Congressmen as possible in the matter of making an appropriation +toward such an expedition. It was not so much the money we wanted as the +sanction of the United States. Anything that has to do with the Navy is +popular just at present. We had got a Congressman to introduce and +father an appropriation bill, and we could count upon the support of +enough members of both houses to put it through. We wanted Congress to +appropriate twenty thousand dollars. We hoped to raise another ten +thousand dollars by popular subscription. Mr. Garlock could assure us +two thousand dollars; Tremlidge would contribute twenty thousand dollars +in the name of the Times, and I pledged myself to ten thousand dollars, +and promised to build the ship's engines and fittings. We kept our +intentions to ourselves, as Tremlidge did not want the other papers to +get hold of the story before the Times printed it. But we continued to +lay our wires at Washington. Everything was going as smooth as oil; we +seemed sure of the success of our appropriation bill, and it was even to +be introduced next week, when the news came of the collapse of the +English expedition--the Duane-Parsons affair. + +"You would have expected precisely an opposite effect, but it has +knocked our chances with Congress into a cocked hat. Our member, who was +to father the bill, declared to us that so sure as it was brought up now +it would be killed in committee. I went to Washington at once; it was +this, and not, as you supposed, private business that has taken me away. +I saw our member and Tremlidge's head correspondent. It was absolutely +no use. These men who have their finger upon the Congressional pulse +were all of the same opinion. It would be useless to try to put through +our bill at present. Our member said 'Wait;' all Tremlidge's men said +'Wait--wait for another year, until this English expedition and its +failure are forgotten, and then try again.' But we don't want to wait. +Suppose Duane _is_ blocked for the present. He has a tremendous start. +He's on the ground. By next summer the chances are the ice will have so +broken up as to permit him to push ahead, and by the time our bill gets +through and our ship built and launched he may be--heaven knows where, +right up to the Pole, perhaps. No, we can't afford to give England such +long odds. We want to lay the keel of our ship as soon as we can--next +week, if possible; we've got the balance of the summer and all the +winter to prepare in, and a year from this month we want our American +expedition to be inside the polar circle, to be up with Duane, and at +least to break even with England. If we can do that we're not afraid of +the result, provided," continued Mr. Campbell, "provided _you_, Mr. +Bennett, are in command. If you consent to make the attempt, only one +point remains to be settled. Congress has failed us. We will give up the +idea of an appropriation. Now, then, and this is particularly what we +want to consult you about, how are we going to raise the twenty thousand +dollars?" + +Lloyd rose to her feet. + +"You may draw on me for the amount," she said quietly. + +Garlock uncrossed his legs and sat up abruptly in the deep-seated chair. +Tremlidge screwed his monocle into his eye and stared, while Campbell +turned about sharply at the sound of Lloyd's voice with a murmur of +astonishment. Bennett alone did not move. As before, he leaned heavily +against the mantelpiece, his hands in his pockets, his head and his huge +shoulders a little bent. Only from under his thick, knotted frown he +shot a swift glance toward his wife. Lloyd paid no attention to the +others. After that one quiet movement that had brought her to her feet +she remained motionless and erect, her hands hanging straight at her +sides, the colour slowly mounting to her cheeks. She met Bennett's +glance and held it steadily, calmly, looking straight into his eyes. She +said no word, but all her love for him, all her hopes of him, all the +fine, strong resolve that, come what would, his career should not be +broken, his ambition should not faint through any weakness of hers, all +her eager sympathy for his great work, all her strong, womanly +encouragement for him to accomplish his destiny spoke to him, and called +to him in that long, earnest look of her dull-blue eyes. Now she was no +longer weak; now she could face the dreary consequences that, for her, +must follow the rousing of his dormant energy; now was no longer the +time for indirect appeal; the screen was down between them. More +eloquent than any spoken words was the calm, steady gaze in which she +held his own. + +There was a long silence while husband and wife stood looking deep into +each other's eyes. And then, as a certain slow kindling took place in +his look, Lloyd saw that at last Bennett _understood_. + +After that the conference broke up rapidly. Campbell, as the head and +spokesman of the committee, noted the long, significant glance that had +passed between Bennett and Lloyd, and, perhaps, vaguely divined that he +had touched upon a matter of a particularly delicate and intimate +nature. Something was in the air, something was passing between husband +and wife in which the outside world had no concern--something not meant +for him to see. He brought the interview to an end as quickly as +possible. He begged of Bennett to consider this talk as a mere +preliminary--a breaking of the ground. He would give Bennett time to +think it over. Speaking for himself and the others, he was deeply +impressed with that generous offer to meet the unexpected deficiency, +but it had been made upon the spur of the moment. No doubt Mr. Bennett +and his wife would wish to talk it over between themselves, to consider +the whole matter. The committee temporarily had its headquarters in his +(Campbell's) offices. He left Bennett the address. He would await his +decision and answer there. + +When the conference ended Bennett accompanied the members of the +committee downstairs and to the front door of the house. The three had, +with thanks and excuses, declined all invitations to dine at Medford +with Bennett and his wife. They could conveniently catch the next train +back to the City; Campbell and Tremlidge were in a hurry to return to +their respective businesses. + +The front gate closed. Bennett was left alone. He shut the front door of +the house, and for an instant stood leaning against it, his small eyes +twinkling under his frown, his glance straying aimlessly about amid the +familiar objects of the hallway and adjoining rooms. He was thoughtful, +perturbed, tugging slowly at the ends of his mustache. Slowly he +ascended the stairs, gaining the landing on the second floor and going +on toward the half-open door of the "workroom" he had just quitted. +Lloyd was uppermost in his mind. He wanted her, his wife, and that at +once. He was conscious that a great thing had suddenly transpired; that +all the calm and infinitely happy life of the last year was ruthlessly +broken up; but in his mind there was nothing more definite, nothing +stronger than the thought of his wife and the desire for her +companionship and advice. + +He came into the "workroom," closing the door behind him with his heel, +his hands deep in his pockets. Lloyd was still there, standing opposite +him as he entered. She hardly seemed to have moved while he had been +gone. They did not immediately speak. Once more their eyes met. Then at +length: + +"Well, Lloyd?" + +"Well, my husband?" + +Bennett was about to answer--what, he hardly knew; but at that moment +there was a diversion. + +The old boat's flag, the tattered little square of faded stars and bars +that had been used to mark the line of many a weary march, had been +hanging, as usual, over the blue-print plans of the Freja on the wail +opposite the window. Inadequately fixed in its place, the jar of the +closing door as Bennett shut it behind him dislodged it, and it fell to +the floor close beside him. + +He stooped and picked it up, and, holding it in his hand, turned toward +the spot whence it had fallen. He cast a glance at the wall above the +plans of the Freja, about to replace it, willing for the instant to +defer the momentous words he felt must soon be spoken, willing to put +off the inevitable a few seconds longer. + +"I don't know," he muttered, looking from the flag to the empty +wall-spaces about the room; "I don't know just where to put this. Do +you--" + +"Don't you know?" interrupted Lloyd suddenly, her blue eyes all alight. + +"No," said Bennett; "I--" + +Lloyd caught the flag from his hands and, with one great sweep of her +arm, drove its steel-shod shaft full into the centre of the great chart +of the polar region, into the innermost concentric circle where the Pole +was marked. + +"Put that flag there!" she cried. + + + + +XI. + + +That particular day in the last week in April was sombre and somewhat +chilly, but there was little wind. The water of the harbour lay smooth +as a sheet of tightly stretched gray silk. Overhead the sea-fog drifted +gradually landward, descending, as it drifted, till the outlines of the +City grew blurred and indistinct, resolving to a dim, vast mass, rugged +with high-shouldered office buildings and bulging, balloon-like domes, +confused and mysterious under the cloak of the fog. In the nearer +foreground, along the lines of the wharves and docks, a wilderness of +masts and spars of a tone just darker than the gray of the mist stood +away from the blur of the background with the distinctness and delicacy +of frost-work. + +But amid all this grayness of sky and water and fog one distinguished +certain black and shifting masses. They outlined every wharf, they +banked every dock, every quay. Every small and inconsequent jetty had +its fringe of black. Even the roofs of the buildings along the +water-front were crested with the same dull-coloured mass. + +It was the People, the crowd, rank upon rank, close-packed, expectant, +thronging there upon the City's edge, swelling in size with the lapse of +every minute, vast, conglomerate, restless, and throwing off into the +stillness of the quiet gray air a prolonged, indefinite murmur, a +monotonous minor note. + +The surface of the bay was dotted over with all manner of craft black +with people. Rowboats, perilously overcrowded, were everywhere. +Ferryboats and excursion steamers, chartered for that day, heeled over +almost to the water's edge with the unsteady weight of their passengers. +Tugboats passed up and down similarly crowded and displaying the flags +of various journals and news organisations--the News, the Press, the +Times, and the Associated Press. Private yachts, trim and very graceful +and gleaming with brass and varnish, slipped by with scarcely a ripple +to mark their progress, while full in the centre of the bay, gigantic, +solid, formidable, her grim, silent guns thrusting their snouts from her +turrets, a great, white battleship rode motionless to her anchor. + +An hour passed; noon came. At long intervals a faint seaward breeze +compressed the fog, and high, sad-coloured clouds and a fine and +penetrating rain came drizzling down. The crowds along the wharves grew +denser and blacker. The numbers of yachts, boats, and steamers +increased; even the yards and masts of the merchant-ships were dotted +over with watchers. + +Then, at length, from far up the bay there came a faint, a barely +perceptible, droning sound, the sound of distant shouting. Instantly the +crowds were alert, and a quick, surging movement rippled from end to end +of the throng along the water-front. Its subdued murmur rose in pitch +upon the second. Like a flock of agitated gulls, the boats in the +harbour stirred nimbly from place to place; a belated newspaper tug tore +by, headed for the upper bay, smoking fiercely, the water boiling from +her bows. From the battleship came the tap of a drum. The excursion +steamers and chartered ferryboats moved to points of vantage and took +position, occasionally feeling the water with their paddles. + +The distant, droning sound drew gradually nearer, swelling in volume, +and by degrees splitting into innumerable component parts. One began to +distinguish the various notes that contributed to its volume--a sharp, +quick volley of inarticulate shouts or a cadenced cheer or a hoarse +salvo of steam whistles. Bells began to ring in different quarters of +the City. + +Then all at once the advancing wave of sound swept down like the rush of +a great storm. A roar as of the unchained wind leaped upward from those +banked and crowding masses. It swelled louder and louder, deafening, +inarticulate. A vast bellow of exultation split the gray, low-hanging +heavens. Erect plumes of steam shot upward from the ferry and excursion +boats, but the noise of their whistles was lost and drowned in the +reverberation of that mighty and prolonged clamour. But suddenly the +indeterminate thunder was pierced and dominated by a sharp and +deep-toned report, and a jet of white smoke shot out from the flanks of +the battleship. Her guns had spoken. Instantly and from another quarter +of her hull came another jet of white smoke, stabbed through with its +thin, yellow flash, and another abrupt clap of thunder shook the windows +of the City. + +The boats that all the morning had been moving toward the upper bay were +returning. They came slowly, a veritable fleet, steaming down the bay, +headed for the open sea, beyond the entrance of the harbour, each +crowded and careening to the very gunwales, each whistling with might +and main. + +And in their midst--the storm-centre round which this tempest of +acclamation surged, the object on which so many eyes were focussed, the +hope of an entire nation--one ship. + +She was small and seemingly pitifully inadequate for the great adventure +on which she was bound; her lines were short and ungraceful. From her +clumsy iron-shod bow to her high, round stern, from her bulging sides to +the summit of her short, powerful masts there was scant beauty in her. +She was broad, blunt, evidently slow in her movements, and in the smooth +waters of the bay seemed out of her element. But, for all that, she +imparted an impression of compactness, the compactness of things dwarfed +and stunted. Vast, indeed, would be the force that would crush those +bulging flanks, so cunningly built, moreover, that the ship must slip +and rise to any too great lateral pressure. Far above her waist rose her +smokestack. Overhead upon the mainmast was affixed the crow's nest. +Whaleboats and cutters swung from her davits, while all her decks were +cumbered with barrels, with crates, with boxes and strangely shaped +bales and cases. + +She drew nearer, continuing that slow, proud progress down the bay, +honoured as no visiting sovereign had ever been. The great white +man-of-war dressed ship as she passed, and the ensign at her +fighting-top dipped and rose again. At once there was a movement aboard +the little outbound ship; one of her crew ran aft and hauled sharply at +the halyards, and then at her peak there was broken out not the +brilliant tri-coloured banner, gay and brave and clean, but a little +length of bunting, tattered and soiled, a faded breadth of stars and +bars, a veritable battle-flag, eloquent of strenuous endeavour, of +fighting without quarter, and of hardship borne without flinching and +without complaining. + +The ship with her crowding escorts held onward. By degrees the City was +passed; the bay narrowed oceanwards little by little. The throng of +people, the boom of cannon, and the noise of shouting dropped astern. +One by one the boats of the escorting squadron halted, drew off, and, +turning with a parting blast of their whistles, headed back to the City. +Only the larger, heavier steamers and the sea-going tugs still kept on +their way. On either shore of the bay the houses began to dwindle, +giving place to open fields, brown and sear under the scudding sea-fog, +for now a wind was building up from out the east, and the surface of the +bay had begun to ruffle. + +Half a mile farther on the slow, huge, groundswells began to come in; a +lighthouse was passed. Full in view, on ahead, stretched the open, empty +waste of ocean. Another steamer turned back, then another, then another, +then the last of the newspaper tugs. The fleet, reduced now to half a +dozen craft, ploughed on through and over the groundswells, the ship +they were escorting leading the way, her ragged little ensign straining +stiff in the ocean wind. At the entrance of the bay, where the enclosing +shores drew together and trailed off to surf-beaten sand-spits, three +more of the escort halted, and, unwilling to face the tumbling expanse +of the ocean, bleak and gray, turned homeward. Then just beyond the bar +two more of the remaining boats fell off and headed Cityward; a third +immediately did likewise. The outbound ship was left with only one +companion. + +But that one, a sturdy little sea-going tug, held close, close to the +flank of the departing vessel, keeping even pace with her and lying +alongside as nearly as she dared, for the fog had begun to thicken, and +distant objects were shut from sight by occasional drifting patches. + +On board the tug there was but one passenger--a woman. She stood upon +the forward deck, holding to a stanchion with one strong, white hand, +the strands of her bronze-red hair whipping across her face, the salt +spray damp upon her cheeks. She was dressed in a long, brown ulster, its +cape flying from her shoulders as the wind lifted it. Small as was the +outgoing ship, the tug was still smaller, and its single passenger had +to raise her eyes above her to see the figure of a man upon the bridge +of the ship, a tall, heavily built figure, buttoned from heel to chin in +a greatcoat, who stood there gripping the rail of the bridge with one +hand, and from time to time giving an order to his sailing-master, who +stood in the centre of the bridge before the compass and electric +indicator. + +Between the man upon the bridge and the woman on the forward deck of the +tug there was from time to time a little conversation. They called to +one another above the throbbing of the engines and the wash of the sea +alongside, and in the sound of their voices there was a note of +attempted cheerfulness. Practically they were alone, with the exception +of the sailing-master on the bridge. The crew of the ship were nowhere +in sight. On the tug no one but the woman was to be seen. All around +them stretched the fog-ridden sea. + +Then at last, in answer to a question from the man on the bridge, the +woman said: + +"Yes--I think I had better." + +An order was given. The tug's bell rang in her engine-room, and the +engine slowed and stopped. For some time the tug continued her headway, +ranging alongside the ship as before. Then she began to fall behind, at +first slowly, then with increasing swiftness. The outbound ship +continued on her way, and between the two the water widened and widened. +But the fog was thick; in another moment the two would be shut out from +each other's sight. The moment of separation was come. + +Then Lloyd, standing alone on that heaving deck, drew herself up to her +full height, her head a little back, her blue eyes all alight, a smile +upon her lips. She spoke no word. She made no gesture, but stood there, +the smile yet upon her lips, erect, firm, motionless; looking steadily, +calmly, proudly into Bennett's eyes as his ship carried him farther and +farther away. + +Suddenly the fog shut down. The two vessels were shut from each other's +sight. + +As Bennett stood leaning upon the rail of the bridge behind him, his +hands deep in the pockets of his greatcoat, his eyes fixed on the +visible strip of water just ahead of his ship's prow, the +sailing-master, Adler, approached and saluted. + +"Beg pardon, sir," he said, "we're just clear of the last buoy; what's +our course now, sir?" + +Bennett glanced at the chart that Adler held and then at the compass +affixed to the rail of the bridge close at hand. Quietly he answered: + +"Due north." + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MAN'S WOMAN*** + + +******* This file should be named 16096-8.txt or 16096-8.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/6/0/9/16096 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at <a href = "https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre> +<p>Title: A Man's Woman</p> +<p>Author: Frank Norris</p> +<p>Release Date: June 20, 2005 [eBook #16096]</p> +<p>Language: English</p> +<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> +<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MAN'S WOMAN***</p> +<p> </p> +<h3>E-text prepared by Suzanne Shell, Mary Meehan,<br /> + Project Gutenberg Beginners Projects,<br /> + and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> + (https://www.pgdp.net)</h3> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h1>A MAN'S WOMAN</h1> + +<h2>By FRANK NORRIS</h2> +<p> </p> + +<h3>1904</h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<!-- Autogenerated TOC. Modify or delete as required. --> +<div class="center"> +<table> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#I">Chapter I.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#II">Chapter II.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#III">Chapter III.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#IV">Chapter IV.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#V">Chapter V.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#VI">Chapter VI.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#VII">Chapter VII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#VIII">Chapter VIII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#IX">Chapter IX.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#X">Chapter X.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#XI">Chapter XI.</a></td></tr> +</table> +</div> +<!-- End Autogenerated TOC. --> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p>The following novel was completed March 22, 1899, and sent to the +printer in October of the same year. After the plates had been made +notice was received that a play called "A Man's Woman" had been written +by Anne Crawford Flexner, and that this title had been copyrighted.</p> + +<p>As it was impossible to change the name of the novel at the time this +notice was received, it has been published under its original title.</p> + +<p>F.N.</p> + +<p>New York.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="A_MANS_WOMAN" id="A_MANS_WOMAN"></a>A MAN'S WOMAN</h2> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="I" id="I"></a>I.</h2> + + +<p>At four o'clock in the morning everybody in the tent was still asleep, +exhausted by the terrible march of the previous day. The hummocky ice +and pressure-ridges that Bennett had foreseen had at last been met with, +and, though camp had been broken at six o'clock and though men and dogs +had hauled and tugged and wrestled with the heavy sledges until five +o'clock in the afternoon, only a mile and a half had been covered. But +though the progress was slow, it was yet progress. It was not the +harrowing, heart-breaking immobility of those long months aboard the +Freja. Every yard to the southward, though won at the expense of a +battle with the ice, brought them nearer to Wrangel Island and ultimate +safety.</p> + +<p>Then, too, at supper-time the unexpected had happened. Bennett, moved no +doubt by their weakened condition, had dealt out extra rations to each +man: one and two-thirds ounces of butter and six and two-thirds ounces +of aleuronate bread—a veritable luxury after the unvarying diet of +pemmican, lime juice, and dried potatoes of the past fortnight. The men +had got into their sleeping-bags early, and until four o'clock in the +morning had slept profoundly, inert, stupefied, almost without movement. +But a few minutes after four o'clock Bennett awoke. He was usually up +about half an hour before the others. On the day before he had been able +to get a meridian altitude of the sun, and was anxious to complete his +calculations as to the expedition's position on the chart that he had +begun in the evening.</p> + +<p>He pushed back the flap of the sleeping-bag and rose to his full height, +passing his hands over his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was +an enormous man, standing six feet two inches in his reindeer footnips +and having the look more of a prize-fighter than of a scientist. Even +making allowances for its coating of dirt and its harsh, black stubble +of half a week's growth, the face was not pleasant. Bennett was an ugly +man. His lower jaw was huge almost to deformity, like that of the +bulldog, the chin salient, the mouth close-gripped, with great lips, +indomitable, brutal. The forehead was contracted and small, the forehead +of men of single ideas, and the eyes, too, were small and twinkling, one +of them marred by a sharply defined cast.</p> + +<p>But as Bennett was fumbling in the tin box that was lashed upon the +number four sledge, looking for his notebook wherein he had begun his +calculations for latitude, he was surprised to find a copy of the record +he had left in the instrument box under the cairn at Cape Kammeni at the +beginning of this southerly march. He had supposed that this copy had +been mislaid, and was not a little relieved to come across it now. He +read it through hastily, his mind reviewing again the incidents of the +last few months. Certain extracts of this record ran as follows:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Arctic steamer Freja, on ice off Cape Kammeni, New Siberian +Islands, 76 deg. 10 min. north latitude, 150 deg. 40 min. east +longitude, July 12, 1891.... We accordingly froze the ship in on +the last day of September, 1890, and during the following winter +drifted with the pack in a northwesterly direction.... On Friday, +July 10, 1891, being in latitude 76 deg. 10 min. north; longitude +150 deg. 10 min. east, the Freja was caught in a severe nip between +two floes and was crushed, sinking in about two hours. We abandoned +her, saving 200 days' provisions and all necessary clothing, +instruments, etc....</p> + +<p>I shall now attempt a southerly march over the ice to Kolyuchin Bay +by way of Wrangel Island, where provisions have been cached, hoping +to fall in with the relief ships or steam whalers on the way. Our +party consists of the following twelve persons: ... All well with +the exception of Mr. Ferriss, the chief engineer, whose left hand +has been badly frostbitten. No scurvy in the party as yet. We have +eighteen Ostiak dogs with us in prime condition, and expect to drag +our ship's boat upon sledges.</p> + +<p>WARD BENNETT, Commanding Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition.</p></div> + +<p>Bennett returned this copy of the record to its place in the box, and +stood for a moment in the centre of the tent, his head bent to avoid the +ridge-pole, looking thoughtfully upon the ground.</p> + +<p>Well, so far all had gone right—no scurvy, provisions in plenty. The +dogs were in good condition, his men cheerful, trusting in him as in a +god, and surely no leader could wish for a better lieutenant and comrade +than Richard Ferriss—but this hummocky ice—these pressure-ridges which +the expedition had met the day before. Instead of turning at once to his +ciphering Bennett drew the hood of the wolfskin coat over his head, +buttoned a red flannel mask across his face, and, raising the flap of +the tent, stepped outside.</p> + +<p>Under the lee of the tent the dogs were sleeping, moveless bundles of +fur, black and white, perceptibly steaming. The three great McClintock +sledges, weighted down with the Freja's boats and with the expedition's +impedimenta, lay where they had been halted the evening before.</p> + +<p>In the sky directly in front of Bennett as he issued from the tent three +moons, hooped in a vast circle of nebulous light, shone roseate through +a fine mist, while in the western heavens streamers of green, orange, +and vermilion light, immeasurably vast, were shooting noiselessly from +horizon to zenith.</p> + +<p>But Bennett had more on his mind that morning than mock-moons and +auroras. To the south and east, about a quarter of a mile from the tent, +the pressure of the floes had thrown up an enormous ridge of shattered +ice-cakes, a mound, a long hill of blue-green slabs and blocks huddling +together at every conceivable angle. It was nearly twenty feet in +height, quite the highest point that Bennett could discover. Scrambling +and climbing over countless other ridges that intervened, he made his +way to it, ascended it almost on hands and knees, and, standing upon its +highest point, looked long and carefully to the southward.</p> + +<p>A wilderness beyond all thought, words, or imagination desolate +stretched out before him there forever and forever—ice, ice, ice, +fields and floes of ice, laying themselves out under that gloomy sky, +league after league, endless, sombre, infinitely vast, infinitely +formidable. But now it was no longer the smooth ice over which the +expedition had for so long been travelling. In every direction, +intersecting one another at ten thousand points, crossing and +recrossing, weaving a gigantic, bewildering network of gashed, jagged, +splintered ice-blocks, ran the pressure-ridges and hummocks. In places a +score or more of these ridges had been wedged together to form one huge +field of broken slabs of ice miles in width, miles in length. From +horizon to horizon there was no level place, no open water, no pathway. +The view to the southward resembled a tempest-tossed ocean suddenly +frozen.</p> + +<p>One of these ridges Bennett had just climbed, and upon it he now stood. +Even for him, unencumbered, carrying no weight, the climb had been +difficult; more than once he had slipped and fallen. At times he had +been obliged to go forward almost on his hands and knees. And yet it was +across that jungle of ice, that unspeakable tangle of blue-green slabs +and cakes and blocks, that the expedition must now advance, dragging its +boats, its sledges, its provisions, instruments, and baggage.</p> + +<p>Bennett stood looking. Before him lay his task. There under his eyes was +the Enemy. Face to face with him was the titanic primal strength of a +chaotic world, the stupendous still force of a merciless nature, waiting +calmly, waiting silently to close upon and crush him. For a long time he +stood watching. Then the great brutal jaw grew more salient than ever, +the teeth set and clenched behind the close-gripped lips, the cast in +the small twinkling eyes grew suddenly more pronounced. One huge fist +raised, and the arm slowly extended forward like the resistless moving +of a piston. Then when his arm was at its full reach Bennett spoke as +though in answer to the voiceless, terrible challenge of the Ice. +Through his clenched teeth his words came slow and measured.</p> + +<p>"But I'll break you, by God! believe me, I will."</p> + +<p>After a while he returned to the tent, awoke the cook, and while +breakfast was being prepared completed his calculations for latitude, +wrote up his ice-journal, and noted down the temperature and the +direction and velocity of the wind. As he was finishing, Richard +Ferriss, who was the chief engineer and second in command, awoke and +immediately asked the latitude.</p> + +<p>"Seventy-four-fifteen," answered Bennett without looking up.</p> + +<p>"Seventy-four-fifteen," repeated Ferriss, nodding his head; "we didn't +make much distance yesterday."</p> + +<p>"I hope we can make as much to-day," returned Bennett grimly as he put +away his observation-journal and note-books.</p> + +<p>"How's the ice to the south'ard?"</p> + +<p>"Bad; wake the men."</p> + +<p>After breakfast and while the McClintocks were being loaded Bennett sent +Ferriss on ahead to choose a road through and over the ridges. It was +dreadful work. For two hours Ferriss wandered about amid the broken ice +all but hopelessly bewildered. But at length, to his great satisfaction, +he beheld a fairly open stretch about a quarter of a mile in length +lying out to the southwest and not too far out of the expedition's line +of march. Some dozen ridges would have to be crossed before this level +was reached; but there was no help for it, so Ferriss planted his flags +where the heaps of ice-blocks seemed least impracticable and returned +toward the camp. It had already been broken, and on his way he met the +entire expedition involved in the intricacies of the first rough ice.</p> + +<p>All of the eighteen dogs had been harnessed to the number two sledge, +that carried the whaleboat and the major part of the provisions, and +every man of the party, Bennett included, was straining at the +haul-ropes with the dogs. Foot by foot the sledge came over the ridge, +grinding and lurching among the ice-blocks; then, partly by guiding, +partly by lifting, it was piloted down the slope, only in the end to +escape from all control and come crashing downward among the dogs, +jolting one of the medicine chests from its lashings and butting its +nose heavily against the foot of the next hummock immediately beyond. +But the men scrambled to their places again, the medicine chest was +replaced, and Muck Tu, the Esquimau dog-master, whipped forward his +dogs. Ferriss, too, laid hold. The next hummock was surmounted, the dogs +panting, and the men, even in that icy air, reeking with perspiration. +Then suddenly and without the least warning Bennett and McPherson, who +were in the lead, broke through some young ice into water up to their +breasts, Muck Tu and one of the dogs breaking through immediately +afterward. The men were pulled out, or, of their own efforts, climbed +upon the ice again. But in an instant their clothes were frozen to +rattling armor.</p> + +<p>"Bear off to the east'ard, here!" commanded Bennett, shaking the icy, +stinging water from his sleeves. "Everybody on the ropes now!"</p> + +<p>Another pressure-ridge was surmounted, then a third, and by an hour +after the start they had arrived at the first one of Ferriss's flags. +Here the number two sledge was left, and the entire expedition, dogs and +men, returned to camp to bring up the number one McClintock loaded with +the Freja's cutter and with the sleeping-bags, instruments, and tent. +This sledge was successfully dragged over the first two hummocks, but as +it was being hauled up the third its left-hand runner suddenly buckled +and turned under it with a loud snap. There was nothing for it now but +to remove the entire load and to set Hawes, the carpenter, to work upon +its repair.</p> + +<p>"Up your other sledge!" ordered Bennett.</p> + +<p>Once more the expedition returned to the morning's camping-place, and, +harnessing itself to the third McClintock, struggled forward with it for +an hour and a half until it was up with the first sledge and Ferriss's +flag. Fortunately the two dog-sleds, four and five, were light, and +Bennett, dividing his forces, brought them up in a single haul. But +Hawes called out that the broken sledge was now repaired. The men turned +to at once, reloaded it, and hauled it onward, so that by noon every +sledge had been moved forward quite a quarter of a mile.</p> + +<p>But now, for the moment, the men, after going over the same ground seven +times, were used up, and Muck Tu could no longer whip the dogs to their +work. Bennett called a halt. Hot tea was made, and pemmican and hardtack +served out.</p> + +<p>"We'll have easier hauling this afternoon, men," said Bennett; "this +next ridge is the worst of the lot; beyond that Mr. Ferriss says we've +got nearly a quarter of a mile of level floes."</p> + +<p>On again at one o'clock; but the hummock of which Bennett had spoken +proved absolutely impassable for the loaded sledges. It was all one that +the men lay to the ropes like draught-horses, and that Muck Tu flogged +the dogs till the goad broke in his hands. The men lost their footing +upon the slippery ice and fell to their knees; the dogs laid down in the +traces groaning and whining. The sledge would not move.</p> + +<p>"Unload!" commanded Bennett.</p> + +<p>The lashings were taken off, and the loads, including the great, +cumbersome whaleboat itself, carried over the hummock by hand. Then the +sledge itself was hauled over and reloaded upon the other side. Thus the +whole five sledges.</p> + +<p>The work was bitter hard; the knots of the lashings were frozen tight +and coated with ice; the cases of provisions, the medicine chests, the +canvas bundle of sails, boat-covers, and tents unwieldy and of enormous +weight; the footing on the slippery, uneven ice precarious, and more +than once a man, staggering under his load, broke through the crust into +water so cold that the sensation was like that of burning.</p> + +<p>But at last everything was over, the sledges reloaded, and the forward +movement resumed. Only one low hummock now intervened between them and +the longed-for level floe.</p> + +<p>However, as they were about to start forward again a lamentable gigantic +sound began vibrating in their ears, a rumbling, groaning note rising by +quick degrees to a strident shriek. Other sounds, hollow and +shrill—treble mingling with diapason—joined in the first. The noise +came from just beyond the pressure-mound at the foot of which the party +had halted.</p> + +<p>"Forward!" shouted Bennett; "hurry there, men!"</p> + +<p>Desperately eager, the men bent panting to their work. The sledge +bearing the whaleboat topped the hummock.</p> + +<p>"Now, then, over with her!" cried Ferriss.</p> + +<p>But it was too late. As they stood looking down upon it for an instant, +the level floe, their one sustaining hope during all the day, suddenly +cracked from side to side with the noise of ordnance. Then the groaning +and shrieking recommenced. The crack immediately closed up, the pressure +on the sides of the floe began again, and on the smooth surface of the +ice, domes and mounds abruptly reared themselves. As the pressure +increased these domes and mounds cracked and burst into countless blocks +and slabs. Ridge after ridge was formed in the twinkling of an eye. +Thundering like a cannonade of siege guns, the whole floe burst up, +jagged, splintered, hummocky. In less than three minutes, and while the +Freja's men stood watching, the level stretch toward which since morning +they had struggled with incalculable toil was ground up into a vast mass +of confused and pathless rubble.</p> + +<p>"Oh, this will never do," muttered Ferriss, disheartened.</p> + +<p>"Come on, men!" exclaimed Bennett. "Mr. Ferriss, go forward, and choose +a road for us."</p> + +<p>The labour of the morning was recommenced. With infinite patience, +infinite hardship, the sledges one by one were advanced. So heavy were +the three larger McClintocks that only one could be handled at a time, +and that one taxed the combined efforts of men and dogs to the +uttermost. The same ground had to be covered seven times. For every yard +gained seven had to be travelled. It was not a march, it was a battle; a +battle without rest and without end and without mercy; a battle with an +Enemy whose power was beyond all estimate and whose movements were not +reducible to any known law. A certain course would be mapped, certain +plans formed, a certain objective determined, and before the course +could be finished, the plans executed, or the objective point attained +the perverse, inexplicable movement of the ice baffled their +determination and set at naught their best ingenuity.</p> + +<p>At four o'clock it began to snow. Since the middle of the forenoon the +horizon had been obscured by clouds and mist so that no observation for +position could be taken. Steadily the clouds had advanced, and by four +o'clock the expedition found itself enveloped by wind and driving snow. +The flags could no longer be distinguished; thin and treacherous ice was +concealed under drifts; the dogs floundered helplessly; the men could +scarcely open their eyes against the wind and fine, powder-like snow, +and at times when they came to drag forward the last sledge they found +it so nearly buried in the snow that it must be dug out before it could +be moved.</p> + +<p>Toward half past five the odometer on one of the dog-sleds registered a +distance of three-quarters of a mile made since morning. Bennett called +a halt, and camp was pitched in the lee of one of the larger hummocks. +The alcohol cooker was set going, and supper was had under the tent, the +men eating as they lay in their sleeping-bags. But even while eating +they fell asleep, drooping lower and lower, finally collapsing upon the +canvas floor of the tent, the food still in their mouths.</p> + +<p>Yet, for all that, the night was miserable. Even after that day of +superhuman struggle they were not to be allowed a few hours of unbroken +rest. By midnight the wind had veered to the east and was blowing a +gale. An hour later the tent came down. Exhausted as they were, they +must turn out and wrestle with that slatting, ice-sheathed canvas, and +it was not until half an hour later that everything was fast again.</p> + +<p>Once more they crawled into the sleeping-bags, but soon the heat from +their bodies melted the ice upon their clothes, and pools of water +formed under each man, wetting him to the skin. Sleep was impossible. It +grew colder and colder as the night advanced, and the gale increased. At +three o'clock in the morning the centigrade thermometer was at eighteen +degrees below. The cooker was lighted again, and until six o'clock the +party huddled wretchedly about it, dozing and waking, shivering +continually.</p> + +<p>Breakfast at half past six o'clock; under way again an hour later. There +was no change in the nature of the ice. Ridge succeeded ridge, hummock +followed upon hummock. The wind was going down, but the snow still fell +as fine and bewildering as ever. The cold was intense. Dennison, the +doctor and naturalist of the expedition, having slipped his mitten, had +his hand frostbitten before he could recover it. Two of the dogs, Big +Joe and Stryelka, were noticeably giving out.</p> + +<p>But Bennett, his huge jaws clenched, his small, distorted eyes twinkling +viciously through the apertures of the wind-mask, his harsh, black +eyebrows lowering under the narrow, contracted forehead, drove the +expedition to its work relentlessly. Not Muck Tu, the dog-master, had +his Ostiaks more completely under his control than he his men. He +himself did the work of three. On that vast frame of bone and muscle, +fatigue seemed to leave no trace. Upon that inexorable bestial +determination difficulties beyond belief left no mark. Not one of the +twelve men under his command fighting the stubborn ice with tooth and +nail who was not galvanised with his tremendous energy. It was as though +a spur was in their flanks, a lash upon their backs. Their minds, their +wills, their efforts, their physical strength to the last ounce and +pennyweight belonged indissolubly to him. For the time being they were +his slaves, his serfs, his beasts of burden, his draught animals, no +better than the dogs straining in the traces beside them. Forward they +must and would go until they dropped in the harness or he gave the word +to pause.</p> + +<p>At four o'clock in the afternoon Bennett halted. Two miles had been made +since the last camp, and now human endurance could go no farther. +Sometimes when the men fell they were unable to get up. It was evident +there was no more in them that day.</p> + +<p>In his ice-journal for that date Bennett wrote:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>... Two miles covered by 4 p.m. Our course continues to be south, +20 degrees west (magnetic). The ice still hummocky. At this rate we +shall be on half rations long before we reach Wrangel Island. No +observation possible since day before yesterday on account of snow +and clouds. Stryelka, one of our best dogs, gave out to-day. Shot +him and fed him to the others. Our advance to the southwest is slow +but sure, and every day brings nearer our objective. Temperature at +6 p.m., 6.8 degrees Fahr. (minus 14 degrees C). Wind, east; force, +2.</p></div> + +<p>The next morning was clear for two hours after breakfast, and when +Ferriss returned from his task of path-finding he reported to Bennett +that he had seen a great many water-blinks off to the southwest.</p> + +<p>"The wind of yesterday has broken the ice up," observed Bennett; "we +shall have hard work to-day."</p> + +<p>A little after midday, at a time when they had wrested some thousand +yards to the southward from the grip of the ice, the expedition came to +the first lane of open water, about three hundred feet in width. Bennett +halted the sledges and at once set about constructing a bridge of +floating cakes of ice. But the work of keeping these ice-blocks in place +long enough for the transfer of even a single sledge seemed at times to +be beyond their most strenuous endeavour. The first sledge with the +cutter crossed in safety. Then came the turn of number two, loaded with +the provisions and whaleboat. It was two-thirds of the way across when +the opposite side of the floe abruptly shifted its position, and thirty +feet of open water suddenly widened out directly in front of the line of +progress.</p> + +<p>"Cut loose!" commanded Bennett upon the instant. The ice-block upon +which they were gathered was set free in the current. The situation was +one of the greatest peril. The entire expedition, men and dogs together, +with their most important sledge, was adrift. But the oars and mast and +the pole of the tent were had from the whaleboat, and little by little +they ferried themselves across. The gap was bridged again and the +dog-sleds transferred.</p> + +<p>But now occurred the first real disaster since the destruction of the +ship. Half-way across the crazy pontoon bridge of ice, the dogs, +harnessed to one of the small sleds, became suddenly terrified. Before +any one could interfere they had bolted from Muck Tu's control in a wild +break for the farther side of the ice. The sled was overturned; +pell-mell the dogs threw themselves into the water; the sled sank, the +load-lashing parted, and two medicine chests, the bag of sewing +materials—of priceless worth—a coil of wire ropes, and three hundred +and fifty pounds of pemmican were lost in the twinkling of an eye.</p> + +<p>Without comment Bennett at once addressed himself to making the best of +the business. The dogs were hauled upon the ice; the few loads that yet +remained upon the sled were transferred to another; that sled was +abandoned, and once more the expedition began its never-ending battle to +the southward.</p> + +<p>The lanes of open water, as foreshadowed by the water-blinks that +Ferriss had noted in the morning, were frequent; alternating steadily +with hummocks and pressure-ridges. But the perversity of the ice was all +but heart-breaking. At every hour the lanes opened and closed. At one +time in the afternoon they had arrived upon the edge of a lane wide +enough to justify them in taking to their boats. The sledges were +unloaded, and stowed upon the boats themselves, and oars and sails made +ready. Then as Bennett was about to launch the lane suddenly closed up. +What had been water became a level floe, and again the process of +unloading and reloading had to be undertaken.</p> + +<p>That evening Big Joe and two other dogs, Gavriga and Patsy, were shot +because of their uselessness in the traces. Their bodies were cut up to +feed their mates.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"I can spare the dogs," wrote Bennett in his journal for that +day—a Sunday—"but McPherson, one of the best men of the command, +gives me some uneasiness. His frozen footnips have chafed sores in +his ankle. One of these has ulcerated, and the doctor tells me is +in a serious condition. His pain is so great that he can no longer +haul with the others. Shall relieve him from work during the +morrow's march. Less than a mile covered to-day. Meridian +observation for latitude impossible on account of fog. Divine +services at 5:30 p.m."</p></div> + +<p>A week passed, then another. There was no change, neither in the +character of the ice nor in the expedition's daily routine. Their toil +was incredible; at times an hour's unremitting struggle would gain but a +few yards. The dogs, instead of aiding them, were rapidly becoming mere +encumbrances. Four more had been killed, a fifth had been drowned, and +two, wandering from camp, had never returned. The second dog-sled had +been abandoned. The condition of McPherson's foot was such that no work +could be demanded from him. Hawes, the carpenter, was down with fever +and kept everybody awake all night by talking in his sleep. Worse than +all, however, Ferriss's right hand was again frostbitten, and this time +Dennison, the doctor, was obliged to amputate it above the wrist.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"... But I am no whit disheartened," wrote Bennett. "Succeed I must +and shall."</p></div> + +<p>A few days after the operation on Ferriss's hand Bennett decided it +would be advisable to allow the party a full twenty-four hours' rest. +The march of the day before had been harder than any they had yet +experienced, and, in addition to McPherson and the carpenter, the doctor +himself was upon the sick list.</p> + +<p>In the evening Bennett and Ferriss took a long walk or rather climb over +the ice to the southwest, picking out a course for the next day's march.</p> + +<p>A great friendship, not to say affection, had sprung up between these +two men, a result of their long and close intimacy on board the Freja +and of the hardships and perils they had shared during the past few +weeks while leading the expedition in the retreat to the southward. When +they had decided upon the track of the morrow's advance they sat down +for a moment upon the crest of a hummock to breathe themselves, their +elbows on their knees, looking off to the south over the desolation of +broken ice.</p> + +<p>With his one good hand Ferriss drew a pipe and a handful of tea leaves +wrapped in oiled paper from the breast of his deer-skin parkie.</p> + +<p>"Do you mind filling this pipe for me, Ward?" he asked of Bennett.</p> + +<p>Bennett glanced at the tea leaves and handed them back to Ferriss, and +in answer to his remonstrance produced a pouch of his own.</p> + +<p>"Tobacco!" cried Ferriss, astonished; "why, I thought we smoked our last +aboard ship."</p> + +<p>"No, I saved a little of mine."</p> + +<p>"Oh, well," answered Ferriss, trying to interfere with Bennett, who was +filling his pipe, "I don't want your tobacco; this tea does very well."</p> + +<p>"I tell you I have eight-tenths of a kilo left," lied Bennett, lighting +the pipe and handing it back to him. "Whenever you want a smoke you can +set to me."</p> + +<p>Bennett lit a pipe of his own, and the two began to smoke.</p> + +<p>"'M, ah!" murmured Ferriss, drawing upon the pipe ecstatically, "I +thought I never was going to taste good weed again till we should get +home."</p> + +<p>Bennett said nothing. There was a long silence. Home! what did not that +word mean for them? To leave all this hideous, grisly waste of ice +behind, to have done with fighting, to rest, to forget responsibility, +to have no more anxiety, to be warm once more—warm and well fed and +dry—to see a tree again, to rub elbows with one's fellows, to know the +meaning of warm handclasps and the faces of one's friends.</p> + +<p>"Dick," began Bennett abruptly after a long while, "if we get stuck here +in this damned ice I'm going to send you and probably Metz on ahead for +help. We'll make a two-man kyack for you to use when you reach the limit +of the pack, but besides the kyack you'll carry nothing but your +provisions, sleeping-bags, and rifle, and travel as fast as you can." +Bennett paused for a moment, then in a different voice continued: "I +wrote a letter last night that I was going to give you in case I should +have to send you on such a journey, but I think I might as well give it +to you now."</p> + +<p>He drew from his pocket an envelope carefully wrapped in oilskin.</p> + +<p>"If anything should happen to the expedition—to me—I want you to see +that this letter is delivered."</p> + +<p>He paused again.</p> + +<p>"You see, Dick, it's like this; there's a girl—" his face flamed +suddenly, "no—no, a woman, a grand, noble, man's woman, back in God's +country who is a great deal to me—everything in fact. She don't know, +hasn't a guess, that I care. I never spoke to her about it. But if +anything should turn up I should want her to know how it had been +with me, how much she was to me. So I've written her. You'll see that +she gets it, will you?"</p> + +<p>He handed the little package to Ferriss, and continued indifferently, +and resuming his accustomed manner:</p> + +<p>"If we get as far as Wrangel Island you can give it back to me. We are +bound to meet the relief ships or the steam whalers in that latitude. +Oh, you can look at the address," added Bennett as Ferriss, turning the +envelope bottom side up, was thrusting it into his breast pocket; "you +know her even better than I do. It's Lloyd Searight."</p> + +<p>Ferriss's teeth shut suddenly upon his pipestem.</p> + +<p>Bennett rose. "Tell Muck Tu," he said, "in case I don't think of it +again, that the dogs must be fed from now on from those that die. I +shall want the dog biscuit and dried fish for our own use."</p> + +<p>"I suppose it will come to that," answered Ferriss.</p> + +<p>"Come to that!" returned Bennett grimly; "I hope the dogs themselves +will live long enough for us to eat them. And don't misunderstand," he +added; "I talk about our getting stuck in the ice, about my not pulling +through; it's only because one must foresee everything, be prepared for +everything. Remember—I—shall—pull—through."</p> + +<p>But that night, long after the rest were sleeping, Ferriss, who had not +closed his eyes, bestirred himself, and, as quietly as possible, crawled +from his sleeping-bag. He fancied there was some slight change in the +atmosphere, and wanted to read the barometer affixed to a stake just +outside the tent. Yet when he had noted that it was, after all, +stationary, he stood for a moment looking out across the ice with +unseeing eyes. Then from a pocket in his furs he drew a little folder of +morocco. It was pitiably worn, stained with sea-water, patched and +repatched, its frayed edges sewed together again with ravellings of +cloth and sea-grasses. Loosening with his teeth the thong of walrus-hide +with which it was tied, Ferriss opened it and held it to the faint light +of an aurora just paling in the northern sky.</p> + +<p>"So," he muttered after a while, "so—Bennett, too—"</p> + +<p>For a long time Ferriss stood looking at Lloyd's picture till the purple +streamers in the north faded into the cold gray of the heavens. Then he +shot a glance above him.</p> + +<p>"God Almighty, bless her and keep her!" he prayed.</p> + +<p>Far off, miles away, an ice-floe split with the prolonged reverberation +of thunder. The aurora was gone. Ferriss returned to the tent.</p> + +<p>The following week the expedition suffered miserably. Snowstorm followed +snowstorm, the temperature dropped to twenty-two degrees below the +freezing-point, and gales of wind from the east whipped and scourged the +struggling men incessantly with myriad steel-tipped lashes. At night the +agony in their feet was all but unbearable. It was impossible to be +warm, impossible to be dry. Dennison, in a measure, recovered his +health, but the ulcer on McPherson's foot had so eaten the flesh that +the muscles were visible. Hawes's monotonous chatter and crazy +whimperings filled the tent every night.</p> + +<p>The only pleasures left them, the only breaks in the monotony of that +life, were to eat, and, when possible, to sleep. Thought, reason, and +reflection dwindled in their brains. Instincts—the primitive, elemental +impulses of the animal—possessed them instead. To eat, to sleep, to be +warm—they asked nothing better. The night's supper was a vision that +dwelt in their imaginations hour after hour throughout the entire day. +Oh, to sit about the blue flame of alcohol sputtering underneath the old +and battered cooker of sheet-iron! To smell the delicious savour of the +thick, boiling soup! And then the meal itself—to taste the hot, coarse, +meaty food; to feel that unspeakably grateful warmth and glow, that +almost divine sensation of satiety spreading through their poor, +shivering bodies, and then sleep; sleep, though quivering with cold; +sleep, though the wet searched the flesh to the very marrow; sleep, +though the feet burned and crisped with torture; sleep, sleep, the +dreamless stupefaction of exhaustion, the few hours' oblivion, the day's +short armistice from pain!</p> + +<p>But stronger, more insistent than even these instincts of the animal was +the blind, unreasoned impulse that set their faces to the southward: "To +get forward, to get forward." Answering the resistless influence of +their leader, that indomitable man of iron whom no fortune could break +nor bend, and who imposed his will upon them as it were a yoke of +steel—this idea became for them a sort of obsession. Forward, if it +were only a yard; if it were only a foot. Forward over the +heart-breaking, rubble ice; forward against the biting, shrieking wind; +forward in the face of the blinding snow; forward through the brittle +crusts and icy water; forward, although every step was an agony, though +the haul-rope cut like a dull knife, though their clothes were sheets of +ice. Blinded, panting, bruised, bleeding, and exhausted, dogs and men, +animals all, the expedition struggled forward.</p> + +<p>One day, a little before noon, while lunch was being cooked, the sun +broke through the clouds, and for upward of half an hour the ice-pack +was one blinding, diamond glitter. Bennett ran for his sextant and got +an observation, the first that had been possible for nearly a month. He +worked out their latitude that same evening.</p> + +<p>The next morning Ferriss was awakened by a touch on his shoulder. +Bennett was standing over him.</p> + +<p>"Come outside here a moment," said Bennett in a low voice. "Don't wake +the men."</p> + +<p>"Did you get our latitude?" asked Ferriss as the two came out of the +tent.</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's what I want to tell you."</p> + +<p>"What is it?"</p> + +<p>"Seventy-four-nineteen."</p> + +<p>"Why, what do you mean?" asked Ferriss quickly.</p> + +<p>"Just this: That the ice-pack we're on is drifting faster to the north +than we are marching to the south. We are farther north now than we were +a month ago for all our marching."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="II" id="II"></a>II.</h2> + + +<p>By eleven o'clock at night the gale had increased to such an extent and +the sea had begun to build so high that it was a question whether or not +the whaleboat would ride the storm. Bennett finally decided that it +would be impossible to reach the land—stretching out in a long, dark +blur to the southwest—that night, and that the boat must run before +the wind if he was to keep her afloat. The number two cutter, with +Ferriss in command, was a bad sailer, and had fallen astern. She was +already out of hailing distance; but Bennett, who was at the whaleboat's +tiller, in the instant's glance that he dared to shoot behind him saw +with satisfaction that Ferriss had followed his example.</p> + +<p>The whaleboat and the number two cutter were the only boats now left to +the expedition. The third boat had been abandoned long before they had +reached open water.</p> + +<p>An hour later Adler, the sailing-master, who had been bailing, and who +sat facing Bennett, looked back through the storm; then, turning to +Bennett, said:</p> + +<p>"Beg pardon, sir, I think they are signalling us."</p> + +<p>Bennett did not answer, but, with his hand gripping the tiller, kept his +face to the front, his glance alternating between the heaving prow of +the boat and the huge gray billows hissing with froth careering rapidly +alongside. To pause for a moment, to vary by ever so little from the +course of the storm, might mean the drowning of them all. After a few +moments Adler spoke again, touching his cap.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure I see a signal, sir."</p> + +<p>"No, you don't," answered Bennett.</p> + +<p>"Beg pardon, I'm quite sure I do."</p> + +<p>Bennett leaned toward him, the cast in his eyes twinkling with a wicked +light, the furrow between the eyebrows deepening. "I tell you, you don't +see any signal; do you understand? You don't see any signal until I +choose to have you."</p> + +<p>The night was bitter hard for the occupants of the whaleboat. In their +weakened condition they were in no shape to fight a polar hurricane in +an open boat.</p> + +<p>For three weeks they had not known the meaning of full rations. During +the first days after the line of march over the ice had been abruptly +changed to the west in the hope of reaching open water, only +three-quarter rations had been issued, and now for the last two days +half rations had been their portion. The gnawing of hunger had begun. +Every man was perceptibly weaker. Matters were getting desperate.</p> + +<p>But by seven o'clock the next morning the storm had blown itself out. To +Bennett's inexpressible relief the cutter hove in view. Shaping their +course to landward once more, the boats kept company, and by the middle +of the afternoon Bennett and the crew of the whaleboat successfully +landed upon a bleak, desolate, and wind-scourged coast. But in some way, +never afterward sufficiently explained, the cutter under Ferriss's +command was crushed in the floating ice within one hundred yards of the +shore. The men and stores were landed—the water being shallow enough +for wading—but the boat was a hopeless wreck.</p> + +<p>"I believe it's Cape Shelaski," said Bennett to Ferriss when camp had +been made and their maps consulted. "But if it is, it's charted +thirty-five minutes too far to the west."</p> + +<p>Before breaking camp the next morning Bennett left this record under a +cairn of rocks upon the highest point of the cape, further marking the +spot by one of the boat's flags:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>The Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition landed at this point October +28, 1891. Our ship was nipped and sunk in 76 deg. 10 min. north +latitude on the l2th of July last. I then attempted a southerly +march to Wrangel Island, but found such a course impracticable on +account of northerly drift of ice. On the lst of October I +accordingly struck off to the westward to find open water at the +limit of the ice, being compelled to abandon one boat and two +sledges on the way. A second boat was crushed beyond repair in +drifting ice while attempting a landing at this place. Our one +remaining boat being too small to accommodate the members of the +expedition, circumstances oblige me to begin an overland march +toward Kolyuchin Bay, following the line of the coast. We expect +either to winter among the Chuckch settlements mentioned by +Nordenskjold as existing upon the eastern shores of Kolyuchin Bay +or to fall in with the relief ships or the steam whalers en route. +By issuing half rations I have enough provisions for eighteen days, +and have saved all records, observations, papers, instruments, etc. +Enclosed is the muster roll of the expedition. No scurvy as yet and +no deaths. Our sick are William Hawes, carpenter, arctic fever, +serious; David McPherson, seaman, ulceration of left foot, serious. +The general condition of the rest of the men is fair, though much +weakened by exposure and lack of food.</p> + +<p>(Signed) WARD BENNETT, <i>Commanding.</i></p></div> + +<p>But during the night, their first night on land, Bennett resolved upon a +desperate expedient. Not only the boat was to be abandoned, but also the +sledges, and not only the sledges, but every article of weight not +absolutely necessary to the existence of the party. Two weeks before, +the sun had set not to rise again for six months. Winter was upon them +and darkness. The Enemy was drawing near. The great remorseless grip of +the Ice was closing. It was no time for half-measures and hesitation; +now it was life or death.</p> + +<p>The sense of their peril, the nearness of the Enemy, strung Bennett's +nerves taut as harp-strings. His will hardened to the flinty hardness of +the ice itself. His strength of mind and of body seemed suddenly to +quadruple itself. His determination was that of the battering-ram, +blind, deaf, resistless. The ugly set of his face became all the more +ugly, the contorted eyes flashing, the great jaw all but simian. He +appeared physically larger. It was no longer a man; it was a giant, an +ogre, a colossal jotun hurling ice-blocks, fighting out a battle +unspeakable, in the dawn of the world, in chaos and in darkness.</p> + +<p>The impedimenta of the expedition were broken up into packs that each +man carried upon his shoulders. From now on everything that hindered the +rapidity of their movements must be left behind. Six dogs (all that +remained of the pack of eighteen) still accompanied them.</p> + +<p>Bennett had hoped and had counted upon his men for an average daily +march of sixteen miles, but the winter gales driving down from the +northeast beat them back; the ice and snow that covered the land were no +less uneven than the hummocks of the pack. All game had migrated far to +the southward.</p> + +<p>Every day the men grew weaker and weaker; their provisions dwindled. +Again and again one or another of them, worn out beyond human endurance, +would go to sleep while marching and would fall to the ground.</p> + +<p>Upon the third day of this overland march one of the dogs suddenly +collapsed upon the ground, exhausted and dying. Bennett had ordered such +of the dogs that gave out cut up and their meat added to the store of +the party's provisions. Ferriss and Muck Tu had started to pick up the +dead dog when the other dogs, famished and savage, sprang upon their +fallen mate. The two men struck and kicked, all to no purpose; the dogs +turned upon them snarling and snapping. They, too, demanded to live; +they, too, wanted to be fed. It was a hideous business. There in that +half-night of the polar circle, lost and forgotten on a primordial +shore, back into the stone age once more, men and animals fought one +another for the privilege of eating a dead dog.</p> + +<p>But their life was not all inhuman; Bennett at least could rise even +above humanity, though his men must perforce be dragged so far below it. +At the end of the first week Hawes, the carpenter, died. When they awoke +in the morning he was found motionless and stiff in his sleeping-bag. +Some sort of grave was dug, the poor racked body lowered into it, and +before it was filled with snow and broken ice Bennett, standing quietly +in the midst of the bare-headed group, opened his prayer-book and began +with the tremendous words, "I am the Resurrection and the Life—"</p> + +<p>It was the beginning of the end. A week later the actual starvation +began. Slower and slower moved the expedition on its daily march, +faltering, staggering, blinded and buffeted by the incessant northeast +winds, cruel, merciless, keen as knife-blades. Hope long since was dead; +resolve wore thin under friction of disaster; like a rat, hunger gnawed +at them hour after hour; the cold was one unending agony. Still Bennett +was unbroken, still he urged them forward. For so long as they could +move he would drive them on.</p> + +<p>Toward four o'clock on the afternoon of one particularly hard day, word +was passed forward to Bennett at the head of the line that something was +wrong in the rear.</p> + +<p>"It's Adler; he's down again and can't get up; asks you to leave him."</p> + +<p>Bennett halted the line and went back some little distance to find Adler +lying prone upon his back, his eyes half closed, breathing short and +fast. He shook him roughly by the shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Up with you!"</p> + +<p>Adler opened his eyes and shook his head.</p> + +<p>"I—I'm done for this time, sir; just leave me here—please."</p> + +<p>"H'up!" shouted Bennett; "you're not done for; I know better."</p> + +<p>"Really, sir, I—I <i>can't</i>."</p> + +<p>"H'up!"</p> + +<p>"If you would only please—for God's sake, sir. It's more than I'm made +for."</p> + +<p>Bennett kicked him in the side.</p> + +<p>"H'up with you!"</p> + +<p>Adler struggled to his feet again, Bennett aiding him.</p> + +<p>"Now, then, can you go five yards?"</p> + +<p>"I think—I don't know—perhaps—"</p> + +<p>"Go them, then."</p> + +<p>The other moved forward.</p> + +<p>"Can you go five more; answer, speak up, can you?"</p> + +<p>Adler nodded his head.</p> + +<p>"Go them—and another five—and another—there—that's something like a +man, and let's have no more woman's drivel about dying."</p> + +<p>"But—"</p> + +<p>Bennett came close to him, shaking a forefinger in his face, thrusting +forward his chin wickedly.</p> + +<p>"My friend, I'll drive you like a dog, but," his fist clenched in the +man's face, "I'll <i>make</i> you pull through."</p> + +<p>Two hours later Adler finished the day's march at the head of the line.</p> + +<p>The expedition began to eat its dogs. Every evening Bennett sent Muck Tu +and Adler down to the shore to gather shrimps, though fifteen hundred of +these shrimps hardly filled a gill measure. The party chewed +reindeer-moss growing in scant patches in the snow-buried rocks, and at +times made a thin, sickly infusion from the arctic willow. Again and +again Bennett despatched the Esquimau and Clarke, the best shots in the +party, on hunting expeditions to the southward. Invariably they returned +empty-handed. Occasionally they reported old tracks of reindeer and +foxes, but the winter colds had driven everything far inland. Once only +Clarke shot a snow-bunting, a little bird hardly bigger than a sparrow. +Still Bennett pushed forward.</p> + +<p>One morning in the beginning of the third week, after a breakfast of two +ounces of dog meat and a half cup of willow tea, Ferriss and Bennett +found themselves a little apart from the others. The men were engaged in +lowering the tent. Ferriss glanced behind to be assured he was out of +hearing, then:</p> + +<p>"How about McPherson?" he said in a low voice.</p> + +<p>McPherson's foot was all but eaten to the bone by now. It was a miracle +how the man had kept up thus far. But at length he had begun to fall +behind; every day he straggled more and more, and the previous evening +had reached camp nearly an hour after the tent had been pitched. But he +was a plucky fellow, of sterner stuff than the sailing-master, Adler, +and had no thought of giving up.</p> + +<p>Bennett made no reply to Ferriss, and the chief engineer did not repeat +the question. The day's march began; almost at once breast-high +snowdrifts were encountered, and when these had been left behind the +expedition involved itself upon the precipitate slopes of a huge talus +of ice and bare, black slabs of basalt. Fully two hours were spent in +clambering over this obstacle, and on its top Bennett halted to breathe +the men. But when they started forward again it was found that McPherson +could not keep his feet. When he had fallen, Adler and Dennison had +endeavoured to lift him, but they themselves were so weak that they, +too, fell. Dennison could not rise of his own efforts, and instead of +helping McPherson had to be aided himself. Bennett came forward, put an +arm about McPherson, and hauled him to an upright position. The man took +a step forward, but his left foot immediately doubled under him, and he +came to the ground again. Three times this manoeuvre was repeated; so +far from marching, McPherson could not even stand.</p> + +<p>"If I could have a day's rest—" began McPherson, unsteadily. Bennett +cast a glance at Dennison, the doctor. Dennison shook his head. The +foot, the entire leg below the knee, should have been amputated days +ago. A month's rest even in a hospital at home would have benefited +McPherson nothing.</p> + +<p>For the fraction of a minute Bennett debated the question, then he +turned to the command.</p> + +<p>"Forward, men!"</p> + +<p>"What—wh—" began McPherson, sitting upon the ground, looking from one +face to another, bewildered, terrified. Some of the men began to move +off.</p> + +<p>"Wait—wait," exclaimed the cripple, "I—I can get along—I—" He rose +to his knees, made, a great effort to regain his footing, and once more +came crashing down upon the ice.</p> + +<p>"Forward!"</p> + +<p>"But—but—but—<i>Oh, you're not going to leave me, sir</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Forward!"</p> + +<p>"He's been my chum, sir, all through the voyage," said one of the men, +touching his cap to Bennett; "I had just as soon be left with him. I'm +about done myself."</p> + +<p>Another joined in:</p> + +<p>"I'll stay, too—I can't leave—it's—it's too terrible."</p> + +<p>There was a moment's hesitation. Those who had begun to move on halted. +The whole expedition wavered.</p> + +<p>Bennett caught the dog-whip from Muck Tu's hand. His voice rang like the +alarm of a trumpet.</p> + +<p>"Forward!"</p> + +<p>Once more Bennett's discipline prevailed. His iron hand shut down upon +his men, more than ever resistless. Obediently they turned their faces +to the southward. The march was resumed.</p> + +<p>Another day passed, then two. Still the expedition struggled on. With +every hour their sufferings increased. It did not seem that anything +human could endure such stress and yet survive. Toward three o'clock in +the morning of the third night Adler woke Bennett.</p> + +<p>"It's Clarke, sir; he and I sleep in the same bag. I think he's going, +sir."</p> + +<p>One by one the men in the tent were awakened, and the train-oil lamp was +lit.</p> + +<p>Clarke lay in his sleeping-bag unconscious, and at long intervals +drawing a faint, quick breath. The doctor bent over him, feeling his +pulse, but shook his head hopelessly.</p> + +<p>"He's dying—quietly—exhaustion from starvation."</p> + +<p>A few moments later Clarke began to tremble slightly, the mouth opened +wide; a faint rattle came from the throat.</p> + +<p>Four miles was as much as could be made good the next day, and this +though the ground was comparatively smooth. Ferriss was continually +falling. Dennison and Metz were a little light-headed, and Bennett at +one time wondered if Ferriss himself had absolute control of his wits. +Since morning the wind had been blowing strongly in their faces. By noon +it had increased. At four o'clock a violent gale was howling over the +reaches of ice and rock-ribbed land. It was impossible to go forward +while it lasted. The stronger gusts fairly carried their feet from under +them. At half-past four the party halted. The gale was now a hurricane. +The expedition paused, collected itself, went forward; halted again, +again attempted to move, and came at last to a definite standstill in +whirling snow-clouds and blinding, stupefying blasts.</p> + +<p>"Pitch the tent!" said Bennett quietly. "We must wait now till it blows +over."</p> + +<p>In the lee of a mound of ice-covered rock some hundred yards from the +coast the tent was pitched, and supper, such as it was, eaten in +silence. All knew what this enforced halt must mean for them. That +supper—each man could hold his portion in the hollow of one hand—was +the last of their regular provisions. March they could not. What now? +Before crawling into their sleeping-bags, and at Bennett's request, all +joined in repeating the Creed and the Lord's Prayer.</p> + +<p>The next day passed, and the next, and the next. The gale continued +steadily. The southerly march was discontinued. All day and all night +the men kept in the tent, huddled in the sleeping-bags, sometimes +sleeping eighteen and twenty hours out of the twenty-four. They lost all +consciousness of the lapse of time; sensation even of suffering left +them; the very hunger itself had ceased to gnaw. Only Bennett and +Ferriss seemed to keep their heads. Then slowly the end began.</p> + +<p>For that last week Bennett's entries in his ice-journal were as follows:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>November 29th—Monday—Camped at 4:30 p.m. about 100 yards from the +coast. Open water to the eastward as far as I can see. If I had not +been compelled to abandon my boats—but it is useless to repine. I +must look our situation squarely in the face. At noon served out +last beef-extract, which we drank with some willow tea. Our +remaining provisions consist of four-fifteenths of a pound of +pemmican per man, and the rest of the dog meat. Where are the +relief ships? We should at least have met the steam whalers long +before this.</p> + +<p>November 30th—Tuesday—The doctor amputated Mr. Ferriss's other +hand to-day. Living gale of wind from northeast. Impossible to +march against it in our weakened condition; must camp here till it +abates. Made soup of the last of the dog meat this afternoon. Our +last pemmican gone.</p> + +<p>December lst—Wednesday—Everybody getting weaker. Metz breaking +down. Sent Adler down to the shore to gather shrimps. We had about +a mouthful apiece for lunch. Supper, a spoonful of glycerine and +hot water.</p> + +<p>December 2d—Thursday—Metz died during the night. Hansen dying. +Still blowing a gale from the northeast. A hard night.</p> + +<p>December 3d—Friday—Hansen died during early morning. Muck Tu shot +a ptarmigan. Made soup. Dennison breaking down.</p> + +<p>December 4th—Saturday—Buried Hansen under slabs of ice. Spoonful +of glycerine and hot water at noon.</p> + +<p>December 5th—Sunday—Dennison found dead this morning between +Adler and myself. Too weak to bury him, or even carry him out of +the tent. He must lie where he is. Divine services at 5:30 +<span class="smcap">P.M.</span> Last spoonful of glycerine and hot water.</p></div> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>The next day was Monday, and at some indeterminate hour of the +twenty-four, though whether it was night or noon he could not say, +Ferriss woke in his sleeping-bag and raised himself on an elbow, and for +a moment sat stupidly watching Bennett writing in his journal. Noticing +that he was awake, Bennett looked up from the page and spoke in a voice +thick and muffled because of the swelling of his tongue.</p> + +<p>"How long has this wind been blowing, Ferriss?"</p> + +<p>"Since a week ago to-day," answered the other.</p> + +<p>Bennett continued his writing.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>... Incessant gales of wind for over a week. Impossible to move +against them in our weakened condition. But to stay here is to +perish. God help us. It is the end of everything.</p></div> + +<p>Bennett drew a line across the page under the last entry, and, still +holding the book in his hand, gazed slowly about the tent.</p> + +<p>There were six of them left—five huddled together in that miserable +tent—the sixth, Adler, being down on the shore gathering shrimps. In +the strange and gloomy half-light that filled the tent these survivors +of the Freja looked less like men than beasts. Their hair and beards +were long, and seemed one with the fur covering of their bodies. Their +faces were absolutely black with dirt, and their limbs were monstrously +distended and fat—fat as things bloated and swollen are fat. It was the +abnormal fatness of starvation, the irony of misery, the huge joke that +arctic famine plays upon those whom it afterward destroys. The men moved +about at times on their hands and knees; their tongues were distended, +round, and slate-coloured, like the tongues of parrots, and when they +spoke they bit them helplessly.</p> + +<p>Near the flap of the tent lay the swollen dead body of Dennison. Two of +the party dozed inert and stupefied in their sleeping-bags. Muck Tu was +in the corner of the tent boiling his sealskin footnips over the +sheet-iron cooker. Ferriss and Bennett sat on opposite sides of the +tent, Bennett using his knee as a desk, Ferriss trying to free himself +from the sleeping-bag with the stumps of his arms. Upon one of these +stumps, the right one, a tin spoon had been lashed.</p> + +<p>The tent was full of foul smells. The smell of drugs and of mouldy +gunpowder, the smell of dirty rags, of unwashed bodies, the smell of +stale smoke, of scorching sealskin, of soaked and rotting canvas that +exhaled from the tent cover—every smell but that of food.</p> + +<p>Outside the unleashed wind yelled incessantly, like a sabbath of +witches, and spun about the pitiful shelter and went rioting past, +leaping and somersaulting from rock to rock, tossing handfuls of dry, +dust-like snow into the air; folly-stricken, insensate, an enormous, mad +monster gambolling there in some hideous dance of death, capricious, +headstrong, pitiless as a famished wolf.</p> + +<p>In front of the tent and over a ridge of barren rocks was an arm of the +sea dotted with blocks of ice moving silently and swiftly onward; while +back from the coast, and back from the tent and to the south and to the +west and to the east, stretched the illimitable waste of land, rugged, +gray, harsh; snow and ice and rock, rock and ice and snow, stretching +away there under the sombre sky forever and forever; gloomy, untamed, +terrible, an empty region—the scarred battlefield of chaotic forces, +the savage desolation of a prehistoric world.</p> + +<p>"Where's Adler?" asked Ferriss.</p> + +<p>"He's away after shrimps," responded Bennett.</p> + +<p>Bennett's eyes returned to his journal and rested on the open page +thoughtfully.</p> + +<p>"Do you know what I've just written here, Ferriss?" he asked, adding +without waiting for an answer: "I've written 'It's the end of +everything.'"</p> + +<p>"I suppose it is," admitted Ferriss, looking about the tent.</p> + +<p>"Yes, the end of everything. It's come—at last.... Well." There was a +long silence. One of the men in the sleeping-bags groaned and turned +upon his face. Outside the wind lapsed suddenly to a prolonged sigh of +infinite sadness, clamouring again upon the instant.</p> + +<p>"Dick," said Bennett, returning his journal to the box of records, "it +<i>is</i> the end of everything, and just because it is I want to talk to +you—to ask you something."</p> + +<p>Ferriss came nearer. The horrid shouting of the wind deadened the sound +of their voices; the others could not hear, and by now it would have +mattered very little to any of them if they had.</p> + +<p>"Dick," began Bennett, "nothing makes much difference now. In a few +hours we shall all be like Dennison here;" he tapped the body of the +doctor, who had died during the night. It was already frozen so hard +that his touch upon it resounded as if it had been a log of wood. "We +shall be like this pretty soon. But before—well, while I can, I want to +ask you something about Lloyd Searight. You've known her all your life, +and you saw her later than I did before we left. You remember I had to +come to the ship two days before you, about the bilge pumps."</p> + +<p>While Bennett had been speaking Ferriss had been sitting very erect upon +his sleeping-bag, drawing figures and vague patterns in the fur of his +deer-skin coat with the tip of the tin spoon. Yes, Bennett was right; he, +Ferriss, had known her all his life, and it was no doubt because of this +very fact that she had come to be so dear to him. But he had not always +known it, had never discovered his love for her until the time was at +hand to say good-bye, to leave her for this mad dash for the Pole. It +had been too late to speak then, and Ferriss had never told her. She was +never to know that he too—like Bennett—cared.</p> + +<p>"It seems rather foolish," continued Bennett clumsily, "but if I thought +she had ever cared for me—in that way—why, it would make this that is +coming to us seem—I don't know—easier to be borne perhaps. I say it +very badly, but it would not be so hard to die if I thought she had ever +loved me—a bit."</p> + +<p>Ferriss was thinking very fast. Why was it he had never guessed +something like this? But in Ferriss's mind the idea of the love of a +woman had never associated itself with Bennett, that great, harsh man of +colossal frame, so absorbed in his huge projects, so welded to his +single aim, furthering his purposes to the exclusion of every other +thought, desire, or emotion. Bennett was a man's man. But here Ferriss +checked himself. Bennett himself had called her a man's woman, a grand, +splendid man's woman. He was right; he was right. She was no less than +that; small wonder, after all, that Bennett had been attracted to her. +What a pair they were, strong, masterful both, insolent in the +consciousness of their power!</p> + +<p>"You have known her so well and for so long," continued Bennett, "that I +am sure she must have said something to you about me. Tell me, did she +ever say anything—or not that—but imply in her manner, give you to +understand that she would have married me if I had asked her?"</p> + +<p>Ferriss found time, even in such an hour, to wonder at the sudden and +unexpected break in the uniform hardness of Bennett's character. Ferriss +knew him well by now. Bennett was not a man to ask concessions, to catch +at small favours. What he wanted he took with an iron hand, without ruth +and without scruple. But in the unspeakable dissolution in which they +were now involved did anything make a difference? The dreadful mill in +which they had been ground had crushed from them all petty distinctions +of personality, individuality. Humanity—the elements of character +common to all men—only remained.</p> + +<p>But Ferriss was puzzled as to how he should answer Bennett. On the one +hand was the woman he loved, and on the other Bennett, his best friend, +his chief, his hero. They, too, had lived together for so long, had +fought out the fight with the Enemy shoulder to shoulder, had battled +with the same dangers, had dared the same sufferings, had undergone the +same defeats and disappointments.</p> + +<p>Ferriss felt himself in grievous straits. Must he tell Bennett the +truth? Must this final disillusion be added to that long train of +others, the disasters, the failures, the disappointments, and deferred +hopes of all those past months? Must Bennett die hugging to his heart +this bitterness as well?</p> + +<p>"I sometimes thought," observed Bennett with a weak smile, "that she did +care a little. I've surely seen something like that in her eyes at +certain moments. I wish I had spoken. Did she ever say anything to you? +Do you think she would have married me if I had asked her?" He paused, +waiting for an answer.</p> + +<p>"Oh—yes," hazarded Ferriss, driven to make some sort of response, +hoping to end the conversation; "yes, I think she would."</p> + +<p>"You do?" said Bennett quickly. "You think she would? What did she say? +Did she ever say anything to you?"</p> + +<p>The thing was too cruel; Ferriss shrank from it. But suddenly an idea +occurred to him. Did anything make any difference now? Why not tell his +friend that which he wanted to hear, even if it were not the truth? +After all that Bennett had suffered why could he not die content at +least in this? What did it matter if he spoke? Did anything matter at +such a time when they were all to die within the next twenty-four hours? +Bennett was looking straight into his eyes; there was no time to think +of consequences. Consequences? But there were to be <i>no</i> consequences. +This was the end. Yet could Ferriss make Bennett receive such an +untruth? Ferriss did not believe that Lloyd cared for Bennett; knew that +she did not, in fact, and if she had cared, did Bennett think for an +instant that she—of all women—would have confessed the fact, confessed +it to him, Bennett's most intimate friend? Ferriss had known Lloyd well +for a long time, had at last come to love her. But could he himself tell +whether or no Lloyd cared for him? No, he could not, certainly he could +not.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile Bennett was waiting for his answer. Ferriss's mind was all +confused. He could no longer distinguish right from wrong. If the lie +would make Bennett happier in this last hour of his life, why not tell +the lie?</p> + +<p>"Yes," answered Ferriss, "she did say something once."</p> + +<p>"She did?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," continued Ferriss slowly, trying to invent the most plausible +lie. "We had been speaking of the expedition and of you. I don't know +how the subject was brought up, but it came in very naturally at length. +She said—yes, I recall it. She said: 'You must bring him back to me. +Remember he is everything to me—everything in the world.'"</p> + +<p>"She—" Bennett cleared his throat, then tugged at his mustache; "she +said that?"</p> + +<p>Ferriss nodded.</p> + +<p>"Ah!" said Bennett with a quick breath, then he added: "I'm glad of +that; you haven't any idea how glad I am, Dick—in spite of everything."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, I guess I have," murmured Ferriss.</p> + +<p>"No, no, indeed, you haven't," returned the other. "One has to love a +woman like that, Dick, and have her—and find out—and have things come +right, to appreciate it. She would have been my wife after all. I don't +know how to thank you, Dick. Congratulate me."</p> + +<p>He rose, holding out his hand; Ferriss feebly rose, too, and +instinctively extended his arm, but withdrew it suddenly. Bennett paused +abruptly, letting his hand fall to his side, and the two men remained +there an instant, looking at the stumps of Ferriss's arms, the tin spoon +still lashed to the right wrist.</p> + +<p>A few hours later Bennett noted that the gale had begun perceptibly to +abate. By afternoon he was sure that the storm would be over. As he +turned to re-enter the tent after reading the wind-gauge he noted that +Kamiska, their one remaining dog, had come back, and was sitting on a +projection of ice a little distance away, uncertain as to her reception +after her absence. Bennett was persuaded that Kamiska had not run away. +Of all the Ostiaks she had been the most faithful. Bennett chose to +believe that she had wandered from the tent and had lost herself in the +blinding snow. But here was food. Kamiska could be killed; life could be +prolonged a day or two, perhaps three, while the strongest man of the +party, carrying the greater portion of the dog meat on his shoulders, +could push forward and, perhaps, after all, reach Kolyuchin Bay and the +Chuckch settlements and return with aid. But who could go? Assuredly not +Ferriss, so weak he could scarcely keep on his feet; not Adler, who at +times was delirious, and who needed the discipline of a powerful leader +to keep him to his work; Muck Tu, the Esquimau, could not be trusted +with the lives of all of them, and the two remaining men were in all but +a dying condition. Only one man of them all was equal to the task, only +one of them who still retained his strength of body and mind; he +himself, Bennett. Yes, but to abandon his men?</p> + +<p>He crawled into the tent again to get the rifle with which to shoot the +dog, but, suddenly possessed of an idea, paused for a moment, seated on +the sleeping-bag, his head in his hands.</p> + +<p>Beaten? Was he beaten at last? Had the Enemy conquered? Had the Ice +enclosed him in its vast, remorseless grip? Then once more his +determination grew big within him, for a last time that iron will rose +up in mighty protest of defeat. No, no, no; he was not beaten; he would +live; he, the strongest, the fittest, would survive. Was it not right +that the mightiest should live? Was it not the great law of nature? He +knew himself to be strong enough to move; to march, perhaps, for two +whole days; and now food had come to them, to him. Yes, but to abandon +his men?</p> + +<p>He had left McPherson, it is true; but then the lives of all of them had +been involved—one life against eleven. Now he was thinking only of +himself. But Ferriss—no, he could not leave Ferriss. Ferriss would come +with him. They would share the dog meat between them—the whole of it. +He, with Ferriss, would push on. He would reach Kolyuchin Bay and the +settlements. He would be saved; he would reach home; would come +back—come back to Lloyd, who loved him. Yes, but to abandon his men?</p> + +<p>Then Bennett's great fist closed, closed and smote heavily upon his +knee.</p> + +<p>"No," he said decisively.</p> + +<p>He had spoken his thoughts aloud, and Ferriss, who had crawled into his +sleeping-bag again, looked at him curiously. Even Muck Tu turned his +head from the sickening mess reeking upon the cooker. There was a noise +of feet at the flap of the tent.</p> + +<p>"It's Adler," muttered Ferriss.</p> + +<p>Adler tore open the flap.</p> + +<p>Then he shouted to Bennett: "Three steam whalers off the foot of the +floe, sir; boat putting off! What orders, sir?"</p> + +<p>Bennett looked at him stupidly, as yet without definite thought.</p> + +<p>"What did you say?"</p> + +<p>The men in the sleeping-bags, roused by Adler's shout, sat up and +listened stolidly.</p> + +<p>"Steam whalers?" said Bennett slowly. "Where? I guess not," he added, +shaking his head.</p> + +<p>Adler was swaying in his place with excitement.</p> + +<p>"Three whalers," he repeated, "close in. They've put off—oh, my God! +Listen to that."</p> + +<p>The unmistakable sound of a steamer's whistle, raucous and prolonged, +came to their ears from the direction of the coast. One of the men broke +into a feeble cheer. The whole tent was rousing up. Again and again came +the hoarse, insistent cry of the whistle.</p> + +<p>"What orders, sir?" repeated Adler.</p> + +<p>A clamour of voices filled the tent.</p> + +<p>Ferriss came quickly up to Bennett, trying to make himself heard.</p> + +<p>"Listen!" he cried with eager intentness, "what I told you—a while +ago—about Lloyd—I thought—it's all a mistake, you don't understand—"</p> + +<p>Bennett was not listening.</p> + +<p>"What orders, sir?" exclaimed Adler for the third time.</p> + +<p>Bennett drew himself up.</p> + +<p>"My compliments to the officer in command. Tell him there are six of us +left—tell him—oh, tell him anything you damn please. Men," he cried, +his harsh face suddenly radiant, "make ready to get out of this! We're +going home, going home to those who love us, men."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="III" id="III"></a>III.</h2> + + +<p>As Lloyd Searight turned into Calumet Square on her way from the +bookseller's, with her purchases under her arm, she was surprised to +notice a drop of rain upon the back of one of her white gloves. She +looked up quickly; the sun was gone. On the east side of the square, +under the trees, the houses that at this hour of the afternoon should +have been overlaid with golden light were in shadow. The heat that had +been palpitating through all the City's streets since early morning was +swiftly giving place to a certain cool and odorous dampness. There was +even a breeze beginning to stir in the tops of the higher elms. As the +drops began to thicken upon the warm, sun-baked asphalt under foot Lloyd +sharply quickened her pace. But the summer storm was coming up rapidly. +By the time she reached the great granite-built agency on the opposite +side of the square she was all but running, and as she put her key in +the door the rain swept down with a prolonged and muffled roar.</p> + +<p>She let herself into the spacious, airy hallway of the agency, shutting +the door by leaning against it, and stood there for an instant to get +her breath. Rownie, the young mulatto girl, one of the servants of the +house, who was going upstairs with an armful of clean towels, turned +about at the closing of the door and called:</p> + +<p>"Jus' in time, Miss Lloyd; jus' in time. I reckon Miss Wakeley and Miss +Esther Thielman going to get for sure wet. They ain't neither one of 'em +took ary umberel."</p> + +<p>"Did Miss Wakeley and Miss Thielman both go out?" demanded Lloyd +quickly. "Did they both go on a call?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, Miss Lloyd," answered Rownie. "I don't know because why Miss +Wakeley went, but Miss Esther Thielman got a typhoid call—another one. +That's three f'om this house come next Sunday week. I reckon Miss +Wakeley going out meks you next on call, Miss Lloyd."</p> + +<p>While Rownie had been speaking Lloyd had crossed the hall to where the +roster of the nurses' names, in little movable slides, hung against the +wall. As often as a nurse was called out she removed her name from the +top of this list and slid it into place at the bottom, so that whoever +found her name at the top of the roster knew that she was "next on call" +and prepared herself accordingly.</p> + +<p>Lloyd's name was now at the top of the list. She had not been gone five +minutes from the agency, and it was rare for two nurses to be called out +in so short a time.</p> + +<p>"Is it your tu'n?" asked Rownie as Lloyd faced quickly about.</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes," answered Lloyd, running up the stairs, adding, as she passed +the mulatto: "There's been no call sent in since Miss Thielman left, has +there, Rownie?" Rownie shook her head.</p> + +<p>Lloyd went directly to her room, tossed her books aside without removing +the wrappers, and set about packing her satchel. When this was done she +changed her tailor-made street dress and crisp skirt for clothes that +would not rustle when she moved, and put herself neatly to rights, +stripping off her rings and removing the dog-violets from her waist. +Then she went to the round, old-fashioned mirror that hung between the +windows of her room, and combed back her hair in a great roll from her +forehead and temples, and stood there a moment or so when she had done, +looking at her reflection.</p> + +<p>She was tall and of a very vigorous build, full-throated, deep-chested, +with large, strong hands and solid, round wrists. Her face was rather +serious; one did not expect her to smile easily; the eyes dull blue, +with no trace of sparkle and set deep under heavy, level eyebrows. Her +mouth was the mouth of the obstinate, of the strong-willed, and her chin +was not small. But her hair was a veritable glory, a dull-red flame, +that bore back from her face in one great solid roll, dull red, like +copper or old bronze, thick, heavy, almost gorgeous in its sombre +radiance. Dull-red hair, dull-blue eyes, and a faint, dull glow forever +on her cheeks, Lloyd was a beautiful woman; much about her that was +regal, for she was very straight as well as very tall, and could look +down upon most women and upon not a few men.</p> + +<p>Lloyd turned from the mirror, laying down the comb. She had yet to pack +her nurse's bag, or, since this was always ready, to make sure that none +of its equipment was lacking. She was very proud of this bag, as she had +caused it to be made after her own ideas and design. It was of black +russia leather and in the form of an ordinary valise, but set off with a +fine silver clasp bearing her name and the agency's address. She brought +it from the closet and ran over its contents, murmuring the while to +herself:</p> + +<p>"Clinical thermometer—brandy—hypodermic syringe—vial of oxalic-acid +crystals—minim-glass—temperature charts; yes, yes, everything right."</p> + +<p>While she was still speaking Miss Douglass, the fever nurse, knocked at +her door, and, finding it ajar, entered without further ceremony.</p> + +<p>"Are you in, Miss Searight?" called Miss Douglass, looking about the +room, for Lloyd had returned to the closet and was busy washing the +minim-glass.</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes," cried Lloyd, "I am. Sit down."</p> + +<p>"Rownie told me you are next on call," said the other, dropping on +Lloyd's couch.</p> + +<p>"So I am; I was very nearly caught, too. I ran over across the square +for five minutes, and while I was gone Miss Wakeley and Esther Thielman +were called. My name is at the top now."</p> + +<p>"Esther got a typhoid case from Dr. Pitts. Do you know, Lloyd, +that's—let me see, that's four—seven—nine—that's ten typhoid cases +in the City that I can think of right now."</p> + +<p>"It's everywhere; yes, I know," answered Lloyd, coming out of the room, +carefully drying the minim-glass.</p> + +<p>"We are going to have trouble with it," continued the fever nurse; +"plenty of it before cool weather comes. It's almost epidemic."</p> + +<p>Lloyd held the minim-glass against the light, scrutinising it with +narrowed lids.</p> + +<p>"What did Esther say when she knew it was an infectious case?" she +asked. "Did she hesitate at all?"</p> + +<p>"Not she!" declared Miss Douglass. "She's no Harriet Freeze."</p> + +<p>Lloyd did not answer. This case of Harriet Freeze was one that the +nurses of the house had never forgotten and would never forgive. Miss +Freeze, a young English woman, newly graduated, suddenly called upon to +nurse a patient stricken with smallpox, had flinched and had been found +wanting at the crucial moment, had discovered an excuse for leaving her +post, having once accepted it. It was cowardice in the presence of the +Enemy. Anything could have been forgiven but that. On the girl's return +to the agency nothing was said, no action taken, but for all that she +was none the less expelled dishonourably from the midst of her +companions. Nothing could have been stronger than the <i>esprit de corps</i> +of this group of young women, whose lives were devoted to an unending +battle with disease.</p> + +<p>Lloyd continued the overhauling of her equipment, and began ruling forms +for nourishment charts, while Miss Douglass importuned her to subscribe +to a purse the nurses were making up for an old cripple dying of cancer. +Lloyd refused.</p> + +<p>"You know very well, Miss Douglass, that I only give to charity through +the association."</p> + +<p>"I know," persisted the other, "and I know you give twice as much as all +of us put together, but with this poor old fellow it's different. We +know all about him, and every one of us in the house has given +something. You are the only one that won't, Lloyd, and I had so hoped I +could make it tip to fifty dollars."</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"We need only three dollars now. We can buy that little cigar stand for +him for fifty dollars."</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"And you won't give us just three dollars?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Well, you give half and I'll give half," said Miss Douglass.</p> + +<p>"Do you think it's a question of money with me?" Lloyd smiled.</p> + +<p>Indeed this was a poor argument with which to move Lloyd—Lloyd whose +railroad stock alone brought her some fifteen thousand dollars a year.</p> + +<p>"Well, no; I don't mean that, of course, but, Lloyd, do let us have +three dollars, and I can send word to the old chap this very afternoon. +It will make him happy for the rest of his life."</p> + +<p>"No—no—no, not three dollars, nor three cents."</p> + +<p>Miss Douglass made a gesture of despair. She might have expected that +she could not move Lloyd. Once her mind was made up, one might argue +with her till one's breath failed. She shook her head at Lloyd and +exclaimed, but not ill-naturedly:</p> + +<p>"Obstinate! Obstinate! Obstinate!"</p> + +<p>Lloyd put away the hypodermic syringe and the minim-glass in their +places in the bag, added a little ice-pick to its contents, and shut the +bag with a snap.</p> + +<p>"Now," she announced, "I'm ready."</p> + +<p>When Miss Douglass had taken herself away Lloyd settled herself in the +place she had vacated, and, stripping the wrappings from the books and +magazines she had bought, began to turn the pages, looking at the +pictures. But her interest flagged. She tried to read, but soon cast the +book from her and leaned back upon the great couch, her hands clasped +behind the great bronze-red coils at the back of her head, her dull-blue +eyes fixed and vacant.</p> + +<p>For hours the preceding night she had lain broad awake in her bed, +staring at the shifting shadow pictures that the electric lights, +shining through the trees down in the square, threw upon the walls and +ceiling of her room. She had eaten but little since morning; a growing +spirit of unrest had possessed her for the last two days. Now it had +reached a head. She could no longer put her thoughts from her.</p> + +<p>It had all come back again for the fiftieth time, for the hundredth +time, the old, intolerable burden of anxiety growing heavier month by +month, year by year. It seemed to her that a shape of terror, formless, +intangible, and invisible, was always by her, now withdrawing, now +advancing, but always there; there close at hand in some dark corner +where she could not see, ready at every instant to assume a terrible and +all too well-known form, and to jump at her from behind, from out the +dark, and to clutch her throat with cold fingers. The thing played with +her, tormented her; at times it all but disappeared; at times she +believed she had fought it from her for good, and then she would wake of +a night, in the stillness and in the dark, and know it to be there once +more—at her bedside—at her back—at her throat—till her heart went +wild with fear, and the suspense of waiting for an Enemy that would not +strike, but that lurked and leered in dark corners, wrung from her a +suppressed cry of anguish and exasperation, and drove her from her sleep +with streaming eyes and tight-shut hands and wordless prayers.</p> + +<p>For a few moments Lloyd lay back upon the couch, then regained her feet +with a brusque, harassed movement of head and shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Ah, no," she exclaimed under her breath, "it is too dreadful."</p> + +<p>She tried to find diversion in her room, rearranging the few ornaments, +winding the clock that struck ships' bells instead of hours, and turning +the wicks of the old empire lamps that hung in brass brackets on either +side the fireplace. Lloyd, after building the agency, had felt no +scruple in choosing the best room in the house and furnishing it +according to her taste. Her room was beautiful, but very simple in its +appointments. There were great flat wall-space unspoiled by bric-à-brac, +the floor marquetry, with but few rugs. The fireplace and its +appurtenances were of brass. Her writing-desk, a huge affair, of ancient +and almost black San Domingo mahogany.</p> + +<p>But soon she wearied of the small business of pottering about her clock +and lamps, and, turning to the window, opened it, and, leaning upon her +elbows, looked down into the square.</p> + +<p>By now the thunderstorm was gone, like the withdrawal of a dark curtain; +the sun was out again over the City. The square, deserted but half an +hour ago, was reinvaded with its little people of nurse-maids, +gray-coated policemen, and loungers reading their papers on the benches +near the fountain. The elms still dripped, their wet leaves glistening +again to the sun. There was a delicious smell in the air—a smell of +warm, wet grass, of leaves and drenched bark from the trees. On the far +side of the square, seen at intervals in the spaces between the foliage, +a passing truck painted vermilion set a brisk note of colour in the +scene. A newsboy appeared chanting the evening editions. On a sudden and +from somewhere close at hand an unseen hand-piano broke out into a gay, +jangling quickstep, marking the time with delightful precision.</p> + +<p>A carriage, its fine lacquered flanks gleaming in the sunlight, rolled +through the square, on its way, no doubt, to the very fashionable +quarter of the City just beyond. Lloyd had a glimpse of the girl leaning +back in its cushions, a girl of her own age, with whom she had some +slight acquaintance. For a moment Lloyd, ridden with her terrors, asked +herself if this girl, with no capabilities for either great happiness or +great sorrow, were not perhaps, after all, happier than she. But she +recoiled instantly, murmuring to herself with a certain fierce energy:</p> + +<p>"No, no; after all, I have lived."</p> + +<p>And how had she lived? For the moment Lloyd was willing to compare +herself with the girl in the landau. Swiftly she ran over her own life +from the time when left an orphan; in the year of her majority she had +become her own mistress and the mistress of the Searight estate. But +even at that time she had long since broken away from the conventional +world she had known. Lloyd was a nurse in the great St Luke's Hospital +even then, had been a probationer there at the time of her mother's +death, six months before. She had always been ambitious, but vaguely so, +having no determined object in view. She recalled how at that time she +knew only that she was in love with her work, her chosen profession, and +was accounted the best operating nurse in the ward.</p> + +<p>She remembered, too, the various steps of her advancement, the positions +she had occupied; probationer first, then full member of the active +corps, next operating nurse, then ward manager, and, after her +graduation, head nurse of ward four, where the maternity cases were +treated. Then had come the time when she had left the hospital and +practised private nursing by herself, and at last, not so long ago, the +day when her Idea had so abruptly occurred to her; when her ambition, no +longer vague, no longer personal, had crystallised and taken shape; when +she had discovered a use for her money and had built and founded the +house on Calumet Square. For a time she had been the superintendent of +nurses here, until her own theories and ideas had obtained and prevailed +in its management. Then, her work fairly started, she had resigned her +position to an older woman, and had taken her place in the rank and file +of the nurses themselves. She wished to be one of them, living the same +life, subject to the same rigorous discipline, and to that end she had +never allowed it to be known that she was the founder of the house. The +other nurses knew that she was very rich, very independent and +self-reliant, but that was all. Lloyd did not know and cared very little +how they explained the origin and support of the agency.</p> + +<p>Lloyd was animated by no great philanthropy, no vast love of humanity in +her work; only she wanted, with all her soul she wanted, to count in the +general economy of things; to choose a work and do it; to help on, +<i>donner un coup d'epaule</i>; and this, supported by her own stubborn +energy and her immense wealth, she felt that she was doing. To do things +had become her creed; to do things, not to think them; to do things, not +to talk them; to do things, not to read them. No matter how lofty the +thoughts, how brilliant the talk, how beautiful the literature—for her, +first, last, and always, were acts, acts, acts—concrete, substantial, +material acts. The greatest and happiest day of her life had been when +at last she laid her bare hand upon the rough, hard stone of the house +in the square and looked up at the facade, her dull-blue eyes flashing +with the light that so rarely came to them, while she murmured between +her teeth:</p> + +<p>"I—did—this."</p> + +<p>As she recalled this moment now, leaning upon her elbows, looking down +upon the trees and grass and asphalt of the square, and upon a receding +landau, a wave of a certain natural pride in her strength, the +satisfaction of attainment, came to her. Ah! she was better than other +women; ah! she was stronger than other women; she was carrying out a +splendid work. She straightened herself to her full height abruptly, +stretching her outspread hands vaguely to the sunlight, to the City, to +the world, to the great engine of life whose lever she could grasp and +could control, smiling proudly, almost insolently, in the consciousness +of her strength, the fine steadfastness of her purpose. Then all at once +the smile was struck from her lips, the stiffness of her poise suddenly +relaxed. There, there it was again, the terror, the dreadful fear she +dared not name, back in its place once more—at her side, at her +shoulder, at her throat, ready to clutch at her from out the dark.</p> + +<p>She wheeled from the window, from the sunlight, her hands clasped before +her trembling lips, the tears brimming her dull-blue eyes. For +forty-eight hours she had fought this from her. But now it was no longer +to be resisted.</p> + +<p>"No, no," she cried half aloud. "I am no better, no stronger than the +others. What does it all amount to when I know that, after all, I am +just a woman—just a woman whose heart is slowly breaking?"</p> + +<p>But there was an interruption. Rownie had knocked twice at her door +before Lloyd had heard her. When Lloyd had opened the door the girl +handed her a card with an address written on it in the superintendent's +hand.</p> + +<p>"This here jus' now come in f'om Dr. Street, Miss Lloyd," said Rownie; +"Miss Bergyn" (this was the superintendent nurse) "ast me to give it to +you."</p> + +<p>It was a call to an address that seemed familiar to Lloyd at first; but +she did not stop at that moment to reflect. Her stable telephone hung +against the wall of the closet. She rang for Lewis, and while waiting +for him to get around dressed for the street.</p> + +<p>For the moment, at the prospect of action, even her haunting fear drew +off and stood away from her. She was absorbed in her work upon the +instant—alert, watchful, self-reliant. What the case was she could only +surmise. How long she would be away she had no means of knowing—a week, +a month, a year, she could not tell. But she was ready for any +contingency. Usually the doctors informed the nurses as to the nature of +the case at the time of sending for them, but Dr. Street had not done so +now.</p> + +<p>However, Rownie called up to her that her coupé was at the door. Lloyd +caught up her satchels and ran down the stairs, crying good-bye to Miss +Douglass, whom she saw at the farther end of the hall. In the hallway by +the vestibule she changed the slide bearing her name from the top to the +bottom of the roster.</p> + +<p>"How about your mail?" cried Miss Douglass after her.</p> + +<p>"Keep it here for me until I see how long I'm to be away," answered +Lloyd, her hand upon the knob. "I'll let you know."</p> + +<p>Lewis had put Rox in the shafts, and while the coupé spun over the +asphalt at a smart clip Lloyd tried to remember where she had heard of +the address before. Suddenly she snapped her fingers; she knew the case, +had even been assigned to it some eight months before.</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes, that's it—Campbell—wife dead—Lafayette Avenue—little +daughter, Hattie—hip disease—hopeless—poor little baby."</p> + +<p>Arriving at the house, Lloyd found the surgeon, Dr. Street, and Mr. +Campbell, who was a widower, waiting for her in a small drawing-room off +the library. The surgeon was genuinely surprised and delighted to see +her. Most of the doctors of the City knew Lloyd for the best trained +nurse in the hospitals.</p> + +<p>"Oh, it's you, Miss Searight; good enough!" The surgeon introduced her +to the little patient's father, adding: "If any one can pull us through, +Campbell, it will be Miss Searight."</p> + +<p>The surgeon and nurse began to discuss the case.</p> + +<p>"I think you know it already, don't you, Miss Searight?" said the +surgeon. "You took care of it a while last winter. Well, there was a +little improvement in the spring, not so much pain, but that in itself +is a bad sign. We have done what we could, Farnham and I. But it don't +yield to treatment; you know how these things are—stubborn. We made a +preliminary examination yesterday. Sinuses have occurred, and the probe +leads down to nothing but dead bone. Farnham and I had a consultation +this morning. We must play our last card. I shall exsect the joint +to-morrow."</p> + +<p>Mr. Campbell drew in his breath and held it for a moment, looking out of +the window.</p> + +<p>Very attentive, Lloyd merely nodded her head, murmuring:</p> + +<p>"I understand."</p> + +<p>When Dr. Street had gone Lloyd immediately set to work. The operation +was to take place at noon the following day, and she foresaw there would +be no sleep for her that night. Street had left everything to her, even +to the sterilising of his instruments. Until daylight the following +morning Lloyd came and went about the house with an untiring energy, yet +with the silence of a swiftly moving shadow, getting together the things +needed for the operation—strychnia tablets, absorbent cotton, the +rubber tubing for the tourniquet, bandages, salt, and the like—and +preparing the little chamber adjoining the sick-room as an +operating-room.</p> + +<p>The little patient herself, Hattie, hardly into her teens, remembered +Lloyd at once. Before she went to sleep Lloyd contrived to spend an hour +in the sick-room with her, told her as much as was necessary of what +was contemplated, and, by her cheery talk, her gentleness and sympathy, +inspired the little girl with a certain sense of confidence and trust in +her.</p> + +<p>"But—but—but just how bad will it hurt, Miss Searight?" inquired +Hattie, looking at her, wide-eyed and serious.</p> + +<p>"Dear, it won't hurt you at all; just two or three breaths of the ether +and you will be sound asleep. When you wake up it will be all over and +you will be well."</p> + +<p>Lloyd made the ether cone from a stiff towel, and set it on Hattie's +dressing-table. Last of all and just before the operation the gauze +sponges occupied her attention. The daytime brought her no rest. Hattie +was not to have any breakfast, but toward the middle of the forenoon +Lloyd gave her a stimulating enema of whiskey and water, following it +about an hour later by a hundredth grain of atropia. She braided the +little girl's hair in two long plaits so that her head would rest +squarely and flatly upon the pillow. Hattie herself was now ready for +the surgeon.</p> + +<p>Now there was nothing more to be done. Lloyd could but wait. She took +her place at the bedside and tried to talk as lightly as was possible to +her patient. But now there was a pause in the round of action. Her mind +no longer keenly intent upon the immediate necessities of the moment, +began to hark back again to the one great haunting fear that for so long +had overshadowed it. Even while she exerted herself to be cheerful and +watched for the smiles on Hattie's face her hands twisted tight and +tighter under the folds of her blouse, and some second self within her +seemed to say:</p> + +<p>"Suppose, suppose it should come, this thing I dread but dare not name, +what then, what then? Should I not expect it? Is it not almost a +certainty? Have I not been merely deceiving myself with the forlornest +hopes? Is it not the most reasonable course to expect the worst? Do not +all indications point that way? Has not my whole life been shaped to +this end? Was not this calamity, this mighty sorrow, prepared for me +even before I was born? And one can do nothing, absolutely nothing, +nothing, but wait and hope and fear, and eat out one's heart with +longing."</p> + +<p>There was a knock at the door. Instead of calling to enter Lloyd went to +it softly and opened it a few inches. Mr. Campbell was there.</p> + +<p>"They've come—Street and the assistant."</p> + +<p>Lloyd heard a murmur of voices in the hall below and the closing of the +front door.</p> + +<p>Farnham and Street went at once to the operating-room to make their +hands and wrists aseptic. Campbell had gone downstairs to his +smoking-room. It had been decided—though contrary to custom—that Lloyd +should administer the chloroform.</p> + +<p>At length Street tapped with the handle of a scalpel on the door to say +that he was ready.</p> + +<p>"Now, dear," said Lloyd, turning to Hattie, and picking up the ether +cone.</p> + +<p>But the little girl's courage suddenly failed her. She began to plead in +a low voice choked with tears. Her supplications were pitiful; but +Lloyd, once more intent upon her work, every faculty and thought +concentrated upon what must be done, did not temporise an instant. +Quietly she gathered Hattie's frail wrists in the grip of one strong +palm, and held the cone to her face until she had passed off with a long +sigh. She picked her up lightly, carried her into the next room, and +laid her upon the operating-table. At the last moment Lloyd had busied +herself with the preparation of her own person. Over her dress she +passed her hospital blouse, which had been under a dry heat for hours. +She rolled her sleeves up from her strong white forearms with their +thick wrists and fine blue veining, and for upward of ten minutes +scrubbed them with a new nail-brush in water as hot as she could bear +it. After this she let her hands and forearms lie in the permanganate of +potash solution till they were brown to the elbow, then washed away the +stain in the oxalic-acid solution and in sterilised hot water. Street +and Farnham, wearing their sterilised gowns and gloves, took their +places. There was no conversation. The only sounds were an occasional +sigh from the patient, a direction given in a low tone, and, at +intervals, the click of the knives and scalpel. From outside the window +came the persistent chirping of a band of sparrows.</p> + +<p>Promptly the operation was begun; there was no delay, no hesitation; +what there was to be done had been carefully planned beforehand, even to +the minutest details. Street, a master of his profession, thoroughly +familiar with every difficulty that might present itself during the +course of the work in hand, foreseeing every contingency, prepared for +every emergency, calm, watchful, self-contained, set about the exsecting +of the joint with no trace of compunction, no embarrassment, no +misgiving. His assistants, as well as he himself, knew that life or +death hung upon the issue of the next ten minutes. Upon Street alone +devolved the life of the little girl. A second's hesitation at the wrong +stage of the operation, a slip of bistoury or scalpel, a tremor of the +wrist, a single instant's clumsiness of the fingers, and the +Enemy—watching for every chance, intent for every momentarily opened +chink or cranny wherein he could thrust his lean fingers—entered the +frail tenement with a leap, a rushing, headlong spring that jarred the +house of life to its foundations. Lowering close over her head Lloyd +felt the shadow of his approach. He had arrived there in that +commonplace little room, with its commonplace accessories, its +ornaments, that suddenly seemed so trivial, so impertinent—the stopped +French clock, with its simpering, gilded cupids, on the mantelpiece; the +photograph of a number of picnickers "grouped" on a hotel piazza gazing +with monolithic cheerfulness at this grim business, this struggle of the +two world forces, this crisis in a life.</p> + +<p>Then abruptly the operation was over.</p> + +<p>The nurse and surgeons eased their positions immediately, drawing long +breaths. They began to talk, commenting upon the operation, and Lloyd, +intensely interested, asked Street why he had, contrary to her +expectations, removed the bone above the lesser trochanter. He smiled, +delighted at her intelligence.</p> + +<p>"It's better than cutting through the neck, Miss Searight," he told her. +"If I had gone through the neck, don't you see, the trochanter major +would come over the hole and prevent the discharges."</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes, I see, of course," assented Lloyd.</p> + +<p>The incision was sewn up, and when all was over Lloyd carried Hattie +back to the bed in the next room. Slowly the little girl regained +consciousness, and Lloyd began to regard her once more as a human being. +During the operation she had forgotten the very existence of Hattie +Campbell, a little girl she knew. She had only seen a bit of mechanism +out of order and in the hands of a repairer. It was always so with +Lloyd. Her charges were not infrequently persons whom she knew, often +intimately, but during the time of their sickness their personalities +vanished for the trained nurse; she saw only the "case," only the +mechanism, only the deranged clockwork in imminent danger of running +down.</p> + +<p>But the danger was by no means over. The operation had been near the +trunk. There had been considerable loss of blood, and the child's power +of resistance had been weakened by long periods of suffering. Lloyd +feared that the shock might prove too great. Farnham departed, but for a +little while the surgeon remained with Lloyd to watch the symptoms. At +length, however, he too, pressed for time, and expected at one of the +larger hospitals of the City, went away, leaving directions for Lloyd to +telephone him in case of the slightest change. At this hour, late in the +afternoon, there were no indications that the little girl would not +recover from the shock. Street believed she would rally and ultimately +regain her health.</p> + +<p>"But," he told Lloyd as he bade her good-bye, "I don't need to impress +upon you the need of care and the greatest vigilance; absolute rest is +the only thing; she must see nobody, not even her father. The whole +system is numbed and deadened just yet, but there will be a change +either for better or worse some time to-night."</p> + +<p>For thirty-six hours Lloyd had not closed an eye, but of that she had no +thought. Her supper was sent up to her, and she prepared herself for her +night's watch. She gave the child such nourishment as she believed she +could stand, and from time to time took her pulse, making records of it +upon her chart for the surgeon's inspection later on. At intervals she +took Hattie's temperature, placing the clinical thermometer in the +armpit. Toward nine in the evening, while she was doing this for the +third time within the hour, one of the house servants came to the room +to inform her that she was wanted on the telephone. Lloyd hesitated, +unwilling to leave Hattie for an instant. However, the telephone was +close at hand, and it was quite possible that Dr. Street had rung her up +to ask for news.</p> + +<p>But it was the agency that had called, and Miss Douglass informed her +that a telegram had arrived there for her a few moments before. Should +she hold it or send it to her by Rownie? Lloyd reflected a moment.</p> + +<p>"Oh—open it and read it to me," she said. "It's a call, isn't +it?—or—no; send it here by Rownie, and send my hospital slippers with +her, the ones without heels. But don't ring up again to-night; we're +expecting a crisis almost any moment."</p> + +<p>Lloyd returned to the sick-room, sent away the servant, and once more +settled herself for the night. Hattie had roused for a moment.</p> + +<p>"Am I going to get well, am I going to get well, Miss Searight?"</p> + +<p>Lloyd put her finger to her lips, nodding her head, and Hattie closed +her eyes again with a long breath. A certain great tenderness and +compassion for the little girl grew big in Lloyd's heart. To herself she +said:</p> + +<p>"God helping me, you shall get well. They believe in me, these +people—'If any one could pull us through it would be Miss Searight.' We +will 'pull through,' yes, for I'll do it."</p> + +<p>The night closed down, dark and still and very hot. Lloyd, regulating +the sick-room's ventilation, opened one of the windows from the top. The +noises of the City steadily decreasing as the hours passed, reached her +ears in a subdued, droning murmur. On her bed, that had for so long been +her bed of pain, Hattie lay with closed eyes, inert, motionless, hardly +seeming to breathe, her life in the balance; unhappy little invalid, +wasted with suffering, with drawn, pinched face and bloodless lips, and +at her side Lloyd, her dull-blue eyes never leaving her patient's face, +alert and vigilant, despite her long wakefulness, her great bronze-red +flame of hair rolling from her forehead and temples, the sombre glow in +her cheeks no whit diminished by her day of fatigue, of responsibility +and untiring activity.</p> + +<p>For the time being she could thrust her fear, the relentless Enemy that +for so long had hung upon her heels, back and away from her. There was +another Enemy now to fight—or was it another—was it not the same +Enemy, the very same, whose shadow loomed across that sick-bed, across +the frail, small body and pale, drawn face?</p> + +<p>With her pity and compassion for the sick child there arose in Lloyd a +certain unreasoned, intuitive obstinacy, a banding together of all her +powers and faculties in one great effort at resistance, a steadfastness +under great stress, a stubbornness, that shut its ears and eyes. It was +her one dominant characteristic rising up, strong and insistent the +instant she knew herself to be thwarted in her desires or checked in a +course she believed to be right and good. And now as she felt the +advance of the Enemy and saw the shadow growing darker across the bed +her obstinacy hardened like tempered steel.</p> + +<p>"No," she murmured, her brows levelled, her lips compressed, "she shall +not die. I will not let her go."</p> + +<p>A little later, perhaps an hour after midnight, at a time when she +believed Hattie to be asleep, Lloyd, watchful as ever, noted that her +cheeks began alternately to puff out and contract with her breathing. In +an instant the nurse was on her feet. She knew the meaning of this sign. +Hattie had fainted while asleep. Lloyd took the temperature. It was +falling rapidly. The pulse was weak, rapid, and irregular. It seemed +impossible for Hattie to take a deep breath.</p> + +<p>Then swiftly the expected crisis began to develop itself. Lloyd ordered +Street to be sent for, but only as a matter of form. Long before he +could arrive the issue would be decided. She knew that now Hattie's life +depended on herself alone.</p> + +<p>"Now," she murmured, as though the Enemy she fought could hear her, "now +let us see who is the stronger. You or I."</p> + +<p>Swiftly and gently she drew the bed from the wall and raised its foot, +propping it in position with half a dozen books. Then, while waiting for +the servants, whom she had despatched for hot blankets, administered a +hypodermic injection of brandy.</p> + +<p>"We will pull you through," she kept saying to herself, "we will pull +you through. I shall not let you go."</p> + +<p>The Enemy was close now, and the fight was hand to hand. Lloyd could +almost feel, physically, actually, feel the slow, sullen, resistless +pull that little by little was dragging Hattie's life from her grip. She +set her teeth, holding back with all her might, bracing herself against +the strain, refusing with all inborn stubbornness to yield her position.</p> + +<p>"No—no," she repeated to herself, "you shall not have her. I will not +give her up; you shall not triumph over me."</p> + +<p>Campbell was in the room, warned by the ominous coming and going of +hushed footsteps.</p> + +<p>"What is the use, nurse? It's all over. Let her die in peace. It's too +cruel; let her die in peace."</p> + +<p>The half-hour passed, then the hour. Once more Lloyd administered +hypodermically the second dose of brandy. Campbell, unable to bear the +sight, had withdrawn to the adjoining room, where he could be heard +pacing the floor. From time to time he came back for a moment, +whispering:</p> + +<p>"Will she live, nurse? Will she live? Shall we pull her through?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," Lloyd told him. "I don't know. Wait. Go back. I will let +you know."</p> + +<p>Another fifteen minutes passed. Lloyd fancied that the heart's action +was growing a little stronger. A great stillness had settled over the +house. The two servants waiting Lloyd's orders in the hall outside the +door refrained even from whispering. From the next room came the muffled +sound of pacing footsteps, hurried, irregular, while with that strange +perversity which seizes upon the senses at moments when they are more +than usually acute Lloyd began to be aware of a vague, unwonted movement +in the City itself, outside there behind the drawn curtains and +half-opened window—a faint, uncertain agitation, a trouble, a passing +ripple on the still black pool of the night, coming and going, and +coming again, each time a little more insistent, each time claiming a +little more attention and notice. It was about half past three o'clock. +But the little patient's temperature was rising—there could be no doubt +about that. The lungs expanded wider and deeper. Hattie's breathing was +unmistakably easier; and as Lloyd put her fingers to the wrist she could +hardly keep back a little exultant cry as she felt the pulse throbbing +fuller, a little slower, a little more regularly. Now she redoubled her +attention. Her hold upon the little life shut tighter; her power of +resistance, her strength of purpose, seemed to be suddenly quadrupled. +She could imagine the Enemy drawing off; she could think that the grip +of cold fingers was loosening.</p> + +<p>Slowly the crisis passed off, slowly the reaction began. Hattie was +still unconscious, but there was a new look upon her face—a look that +Lloyd had learned to know from long experience, an intangible and most +illusive expression, nothing, something, the sign that only those who +are trained to search for it may see and appreciate—the earliest faint +flicker after the passing of the shadow.</p> + +<p>"Will she live, will she live, nurse?" came Mr. Campbell's whisper at +her shoulder.</p> + +<p>"I think—I am almost sure—but we must not be too certain yet. Still +there's a chance; yes, there's a chance."</p> + +<p>Campbell, suddenly gone white, put out his hand and leaned a moment +against the mantelpiece. He did not now leave the room. The door-bell +rang.</p> + +<p>"Dr. Street," murmured Lloyd.</p> + +<p>But what had happened in the City? There in the still dark hours of that +hot summer night an event of national, perhaps even international, +importance had surely transpired. It was in the air—a sense of a Great +Thing come suddenly to a head somewhere in the world. Footsteps sounded +rapidly on the echoing sidewalks. Here and there a street door opened. +From corner to corner, growing swiftly nearer, came the cry of newsboys +chanting extras. A subdued excitement was abroad, finding expression in +a vague murmur, the mingling of many sounds into one huge note—a note +that gradually swelled and grew louder and seemed to be rising from all +corners of the City at once.</p> + +<p>There was a step at the sick-room door. Dr. Street? No, Rownie—Rownie +with two telegrams for Lloyd.</p> + +<p>Lloyd took them from her, then with a sharp, brusque movement of her +head and suddenly smitten with an idea, turned from them to listen to +the low, swelling murmur of the City. These despatches—no, they were no +"call" for her. She guessed what they might be. Why had they come to her +now? Why was there this sense of some great tidings in the wind? The +same tidings that had come to the world might come to her—in these +despatches. Might it not be so? She caught her breath quickly. The +terror, the fearful anxiety that had haunted and oppressed her for so +long, was it to be lifted now at last? The Enemy that lurked in the dark +corners, ever ready to clutch her, was it to be driven back and away +from her forever? She dared not hope for it. But something was coming to +her; she knew it, she felt it; something was preparing for her, coming +to her swifter with every second—coming, coming, coming from out the +north. She saw Dr. Street in the room, though how and when he had +arrived she could not afterward recall. Her mind was all alert, intent +upon other things, listening, waiting. The surgeon had been leaning over +the bed. Suddenly he straightened up, saying aloud to Campbell:</p> + +<p>"Good, good, we're safe. We have pulled through."</p> + +<p>Lloyd tore open her telegrams. One was signed "Bennett," the other +"Ferriss."</p> + +<p>"Thank God!" exclaimed Mr. Campbell.</p> + +<p>"Oh," cried Lloyd, a great sob shaking her from head to heel, a smile of +infinite happiness flashing from her face. "Oh—yes, thank God, we—we +<i>have</i> pulled through."</p> + +<p>"Am I going to get well, am I going to get well, Miss Searight?" Hattie, +once more conscious, raised her voice weak and faint.</p> + +<p>Lloyd was on her knees beside her, her head bent over her.</p> + +<p>"Hush; yes, dear, you are safe." Then the royal bronze-red hair bent +lower still. The dull-blue eyes were streaming now, the voice one low +quiver of sobs. Tenderly, gently Lloyd put an arm about the child, her +head bending lower and lower. Her cheek touched Hattie's. For a moment +the little girl, frail, worn, pitifully wasted, and the strong, vigorous +woman, with her imperious will and indomitable purpose, rested their +heads upon the same pillow, both broken with suffering, the one of the +body, the other of the mind.</p> + +<p>"Safe; yes, dear, safe," whispered Lloyd, her face all but hidden. +"Safe, safe, and saved to me. Oh, dearest of all the world!"</p> + +<p>And then to her ears the murmur of the City seemed to leap suddenly to +articulate words, the clanging thunder of the entire nation—the whole +round world thrilling with this great news that had come to it from out +the north in the small hours of this hot summer's night. And the +chanting cries of the street rolled to her like the tremendous diapason +of a gigantic organ:</p> + +<p>"Rescued, rescued, rescued!"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="IV" id="IV"></a>IV.</h2> + + +<p>On the day that Lloyd returned to the house on Calumet Square (Hattie's +recovery being long since assured), and while she was unpacking her +valise and settling herself again in her room, a messenger boy brought +her a note.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Have just arrived in the City. When may I see you?</p> + +<p>BENNETT.</p></div> + +<p>News of Ward Bennett and of Richard Ferriss had not been wanting during +the past fortnight or so. Their names and that of the ship herself, even +the names of Adler, Hansen, Clarke, and Dennison, even Muck Tu, even +that of Kamiska, the one surviving dog, filled the mouths and minds of +men to the exclusion of everything else.</p> + +<p>The return of the expedition after its long imprisonment in the ice and +at a time when all hope of its safety had been abandoned was one of the +great events of that year. The fact that the expedition had failed to +reach the Pole, or to attain any unusual high latitude, was forgotten or +ignored. Nothing was remembered but the masterly retreat toward +Kolyuchin Bay, the wonderful march over the ice, the indomitable +courage, unshaken by hardship, perils, obstacles, and privations almost +beyond imagination. All this, together with a multitude of details, some +of them palpably fictitious, the press of the City where Bennett and +Ferriss both had their homes published and republished and published +again and again. News of the men, their whereabouts and intentions, +invaded the sick-room—where Lloyd watched over the convalescence of her +little patient—by the very chinks of the windows.</p> + +<p>Lloyd learned how the ship had been "nipped;" how, after inconceivable +toil, the members of the expedition had gained the land; how they had +marched southward toward the Chuckch settlements; how, at the eleventh +hour, the survivors, exhausted and starving, had been rescued by the +steam whalers; how these whalers themselves had been caught in the ice, +and how the survivors of the Freja had been obliged to spend another +winter in the Arctic. She learned the details of their final return. In +the quiet, darkened room where Hattie lay she heard from without the +echo of the thunder of the nations; she saw how the figure of Bennett +towered suddenly magnificent in the world; how that the people were +brusquely made aware of a new hero. She learned that honours came +thronging about him unsought; that the King of the Belgians had +conferred a decoration upon him; that the geographical societies of +continental Europe had elected him to honourary membership; that the +President and the Secretary of War had sent telegrams of +congratulations.</p> + +<p>"And what does he do," she murmured, "the first of all upon his return? +Asks to see me—me!"</p> + +<p>She sent an answer to his note by the same boy who brought it, naming +the following afternoon, explaining that two days later she expected to +go into the country to a little town called Bannister to take her annual +fortnight's vacation.</p> + +<p>"But what of—of the other?" she murmured as she stood at the window of +her room watching the messenger boy bicycling across the square. "Why +does not he—he, too—?"</p> + +<p>She put her chin in the air and turned about, looking abstractedly at +the rugs on the parquetry.</p> + +<p>Lloyd's vacation had really begun two days before. Her name was off the +roster of the house, and till the end of the month her time was her own. +The afternoon was hot and very still. Even in the cool, stone-built +agency, with its windows wide and heavily shaded with awnings, the heat +was oppressive. For a long time Lloyd had been shut away from fresh air +and the sun, and now she suddenly decided to drive out in the City's +park. She rang up her stable and ordered Lewis to put her ponies to her +phaeton.</p> + +<p>She spent a delightful two hours in the great park, losing herself in +its farthest, shadiest, and most unfrequented corners. She drove +herself, and intelligently. Horses were her passion, and not Lewis +himself understood their care and management better. Toward the cool of +the day and just as she had pulled the ponies down to a walk in a long, +deserted avenue overspanned with elms and great cottonwoods she was all +at once aware of an open carriage that had turned into the far end of +the same avenue approaching at an easy trot. It drew near, and she saw +that its only occupant was a man leaning back rather limply in the +cushions. As the eye of the trained nurse fell upon him she at once +placed him in the category of convalescents or chronic invalids, and she +was vaguely speculating as to the nature of his complaint when the +carriage drew opposite her phaeton, and she recognised Richard Ferriss.</p> + +<p>Ferriss, but not the same Ferriss to whom she had said good-bye on that +never-to-be-forgotten March afternoon, with its gusts and rain, four +long years ago. The Ferriss she had known then had been an alert, keen +man, with quick, bright eyes, alive to every impression, responsive to +every sensation, living his full allowance of life. She was looking now +at a man unnaturally old, of deadened nerves, listless. As he caught +sight of her and recognised her he suddenly roused himself with a quick, +glad smile and with a look in his eyes that to Lloyd was unmistakable. +But there was not that joyful, exuberant start she had anticipated, and, +for that matter, wished. Neither did Lloyd set any too great store by +the small amenities of life, but that Ferriss should remain covered hurt +her a little. She wondered how she could note so trivial a detail at +such a moment. But this was Ferriss.</p> + +<p>Her heart was beating fast and thick as she halted her ponies. The +driver of the carriage jumped down and held the door for Ferriss, and +the chief engineer stepped quickly toward her.</p> + +<p>So it was they met after four years—and such years—unexpectedly, +without warning or preparation, and not at all as she had expected. What +they said to each other in those first few moments Lloyd could never +afterward clearly remember. One incident alone detached itself vividly +from the blur.</p> + +<p>"I have just come from the square," Ferriss had explained, "and they +told me that you had left for a drive out here only the moment before, +so there was nothing for it but to come after you."</p> + +<p>"Shan't we walk a little?" she remembered she had asked after a while. +"We can have the carriages wait; or do you feel strong enough? I +forgot—"</p> + +<p>But he interrupted her, protesting his fitness.</p> + +<p>"The doctor merely sent me out to get the air, and it's humiliating to +be wheeled about like an old woman."</p> + +<p>Lloyd passed the reins back of her to Lewis, and, gathering her skirts +about her, started to descend from the phaeton. The step was rather high +from the ground. Ferriss stood close by. Why did he not help her? Why +did he stand there, his hands in his pockets, so listless and +unconscious of her difficulty. A little glow of irritation deepened the +dull crimson of her cheeks. Even returned Arctic explorers could not +afford to ignore entirely life's little courtesies—and he of all men.</p> + +<p>"Well," she said, expectantly hesitating before attempting to descend.</p> + +<p>Then she caught Ferriss's eyes fixed upon her. He was smiling a little, +but the dull, stupefied expression of his face seemed for a brief +instant to give place to one of great sadness. He raised a shoulder +resignedly, and Lloyd, with the suddenness of a blow, remembered that +Ferriss had no hands.</p> + +<p>She dropped back in the seat of the phaeton, covering her eyes, shaken +and unnerved for the moment with a great thrill of infinite pity—of +shame at her own awkwardness, and of horror as for one brief instant the +smiling summer park, the afternoon's warmth, the avenue of green, +over-arching trees, the trim, lacquered vehicles and glossy-brown horses +were struck from her mind, and she had a swift vision of the Ice, the +darkness of the winter night, the lacerating, merciless cold, the +blinding, whirling, dust-like snow.</p> + +<p>For half an hour they walked slowly about in the park, the carriages +following at a distance. They did not talk very much. It seemed to Lloyd +that she would never tire of scrutinising his face, that her interest in +his point of view, his opinions, would never flag. He had had an +experience that came but to few men. For four years he had been out of +the world, had undergone privation beyond conception. What now was to be +his attitude? How had he changed? That he had not changed to her Lloyd +knew in an instant. He still loved her; that was beyond all doubt. But +this terrible apathy that seemed now to be a part of him! She had heard +of the numbing stupor that invades those who stay beyond their time in +the Ice, but never before had she seen it in its reality. It was not a +lack of intelligence; it seemed rather to be the machinery of +intelligence rusted and clogged from long disuse. He deliberated long +before he spoke. It took him some time to understand things. Speech did +not come to him readily, and he became easily confused in the matter of +words. Once, suddenly, he had interrupted her, breaking out with:</p> + +<p>"Oh, the smell of the trees, of the grass! Isn't it wonderful; isn't it +wonderful?" And a few seconds later, quite irrelevantly: "And, after +all, we failed."</p> + +<p>At once Lloyd was all aroused, defending him against himself.</p> + +<p>"Failed! And you say that? If you did not reach the Pole, what then? The +world will judge you by results perhaps, and the world's judgment will +be wrong. Is it nothing that you have given the world an example of +heroism—"</p> + +<p>"Oh, don't call it that."</p> + +<p>"Of heroism, of courage, of endurance? Is it nothing that you have +overcome obstacles before which other men would have died? Is it nothing +that you have shown us all how to be patient, how to be strong? There +are some things better even than reaching the Pole. To suffer and be +calm is one of them; not to give up—never to be beaten—is another. Oh, +if I were a man! Ten thousand, a hundred thousand people are reading +to-night of what you have done—of what you have done, you understand, +not of what you have failed to do. They have seen—you have shown them +what the man can do who says <i>I will</i>, and you have done a little more, +have gone a little further, have been a little braver, a little hardier, +a little nobler, a little more determined than any one has ever been +before. Whoever fails now cannot excuse himself by saying that he has +done as much as a man can do. He will have to remember the men of the +Freja. He will have to remember you. Don't you suppose I am proud of +you; don't you suppose that I am stronger and better because of what you +have done? Do you think it is nothing for me to be sitting here beside +you, here in this park—to be—yes, to be with you? Can't you +understand? Isn't it something to me that you are the man you are; not +the man whose name the people are shouting just now, not the man to whom +a king gave a bit of ribbon and enamel, but the man who lived like a +man, who would not die just because it was easier to die than to live, +who fought like a man, not only for himself but for the lives of those +he led, who showed us all how to be strong, and how strong one could be +if one would only try? What does the Pole amount to? The world wants +men, great, strong, harsh, brutal men—men with purposes, who let +nothing, nothing, nothing stand in their way."</p> + +<p>"You mean Bennett," said Ferriss, looking up quickly. "You commenced by +speaking of me, but it's Bennett you are talking of now."</p> + +<p>But he caught her glance and saw that she was looking steadfastly at +him—at him. A look was in her face, a light in her dull-blue eyes, that +he had never seen there before.</p> + +<p>"Lloyd," he said quietly, "which one of us, Bennett or I, were you +speaking of just then? You know what I mean; which one of us?"</p> + +<p>"I was speaking of the man who was strong enough to do great things," +she said.</p> + +<p>Ferriss drew the stumps of his arms from his pockets and smiled at them +grimly.</p> + +<p>"H'm, can one do much—this way?" he muttered.</p> + +<p>With a movement she did not try to restrain Lloyd put both her hands +over his poor, shapeless wrists. Never in her life had she been so +strongly moved. Pity, such as she had never known, a tenderness and +compassion such as she had never experienced, went knocking at her +breast. She had no words at hand for so great emotions. She longed to +tell him what was in her heart, but all speech failed.</p> + +<p>"Don't!" she exclaimed. "Don't! I will not have you."</p> + +<p>A little later, as they were returning toward the carriages, Lloyd, +after a moment's deliberation upon the matter, said:</p> + +<p>"Can't I set you down somewhere near your rooms? Let your carriage go."</p> + +<p>He shook his head: "I've just given up my downtown rooms. Bennett and I +have taken other rooms much farther uptown. In fact, I believe I am +supposed to be going there now. It would be quite out of your way to +take me there. We are much quieter out there, and people can't get at us +so readily. The doctor says we both need rest after our shaking up. +Bennett himself—iron as he is—is none too strong, and what with the +mail, the telegrams, reporters, deputations, editors, and visitors, and +the like, we are kept on something of a strain. Besides we have still a +good deal of work to do getting our notes into shape."</p> + +<p>Lewis brought the ponies to the edge of the walk, and Lloyd and Ferriss +separated, she turning the ponies' heads homeward, starting away at a +brisk trot, and leaving him in his carriage, which he had directed to +carry him to his new quarters.</p> + +<p>But at the turn of the avenue Lloyd leaned from the phaeton and looked +back. The carriage was just disappearing down the vista of elms and +cottonwoods. She waved her hand gayly, and Ferriss responded with the +stump of one forearm.</p> + +<p>On the next day but one, a Friday, Lloyd was to go to the country. Every +year in the heat of the summer Lloyd spent her short vacation in the +sleepy and old-fashioned little village of Bannister. The country around +the village was part of the Searight estate. It was quiet, off the +railroad, just the place to forget duties, responsibilities, and the +wearing anxieties of sick-rooms. But Thursday afternoon she expected +Bennett.</p> + +<p>Thursday morning she was in her room. Her trunk was already packed. +There was nothing more to be done. She was off duty. There was neither +care nor responsibility upon her mind. But she was too joyful, too +happily exalted, too exuberant in gayety to pass her time in reading. +She wanted action, movement, life, and instinctively threw open a window +of her room, and, according to her habit, leaned upon her elbows and +looked out and down upon the square. The morning was charming. Later in +the day it probably would be very hot, but as yet the breeze of the +earliest hours was stirring nimbly. The cool of it put a brisker note in +the sombre glow of her cheeks, and just stirred a lock that, escaping +from her gorgeous coils of dark-red hair, hung curling over her ear and +neck. Into her eyes of dull blue—like the blue of old china—the +morning's sun sent an occasional unwonted sparkle. Over the asphalt and +over the green grass-plots of the square the shadows of the venerable +elms wove a shifting maze of tracery. Traffic avoided the place. It was +invariably quiet in the square, and one—as now—could always hear the +subdued ripple and murmur of the fountain in the centre.</p> + +<p>But the crowning delight of that morning was the sudden appearance of a +robin in a tree close to Lloyd's window. He was searching his breakfast. +At every moment he came and went between the tree-tops and the +grass-plots, very important, very preoccupied, chittering and calling +the while, as though he would never tire. Lloyd whistled to him, and +instantly he answered, cocking his head sideways. She whistled again, +and he piped back an impudent response, and for quite five minutes the +two held an elaborate altercation between tree-top and window-ledge. +Lloyd caught herself laughing outright and aloud for no assignable +reason. "Ah, the world was a pretty good place after all!"</p> + +<p>A little later, and while she was still at the window, Rownie brought +her a note from Bennett, sent by special messenger.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Ferriss woke up sick this morning. Nobody here but the two of us; +can't leave him alone. BENNETT.</p></div> + +<p>"Oh!" exclaimed Lloyd Searight a little blankly.</p> + +<p>The robin and his effrontery at once ceased to be amusing. She closed +the window abruptly, shutting out the summer morning's gayety and charm, +turning her back upon the sunlight.</p> + +<p>Now she was more in the humour of reading. On the great divan against +the wall lay the month's magazines and two illustrated weeklies. Lloyd +had bought them to read on the train. But now she settled herself upon +the divan and, picking up one of the weeklies, turned its leaves +listlessly. All at once she came upon two pictures admirably reproduced +from photographs, and serving as illustrations to the weekly's main +article—"The Two Leaders of the Freja Expedition." One was a picture of +Bennett, the other of Ferriss.</p> + +<p>The suddenness with which she had come upon his likeness almost took +Lloyd's breath from her. It was the last thing she had expected. If he +himself had abruptly entered the room in person she could hardly have +been more surprised. Her heart gave a great leap, the dull crimson of +her cheeks shot to her forehead. Then, with a charming movement, at once +impulsive and shamefaced, smiling the while, her eyes half-closing, she +laid her cheek upon the picture, murmuring to herself words that only +herself should hear. The next day she left for the country.</p> + +<p>On that same day when Dr. Pitts arrived at the rooms Ferriss and Bennett +had taken he found the anteroom already crowded with visitors—a knot of +interviewers, the manager of a lecture bureau, as well as the agent of a +patented cereal (who sought the man of the hour for an endorsement of +his article), and two female reporters.</p> + +<p>Decidedly Richard Ferriss was ill; there could be no doubt about that. +Bennett had not slept the night before, but had gone to and fro about +the rooms tending to his wants with a solicitude and a gentleness that +in a man so harsh and so toughly fibred seemed strangely out of place. +Bennett was far from well himself. The terrible milling which he had +undergone had told even upon that enormous frame, but his own ailments +were promptly ignored now that Ferriss, the man of all men to him, was +"down."</p> + +<p>"I didn't pull through with you, old man," he responded to all of +Ferriss's protests, "to have you get sick on my hands at this time of +day. No more of your damned foolishness now. Here's the quinine. Down +with it!"</p> + +<p>Bennett met Pitts at the door of Ferriss's room, and before going in +drew him into a corner.</p> + +<p>"He's a sick boy, Pitts, and is going to be worse, though he's just +enough of a fool boy not to admit it. I've seen them start off this gait +before. Remember, too, when you look him over that it's not as though he +had been in a healthy condition before. Our work in the ice ground him +down about as fine as he could go and yet live, and the hardtack and +salt pork on the steam whalers were not a good diet for a convalescent. +And see here, Pitts," said Bennett, clearing his throat, "I—well, I'm +rather fond of that fool boy in there. We are not taking any chances, +you understand."</p> + +<p>After the doctor had seen the chief engineer and had prescribed calomel +and a milk diet, Bennett followed him out into the hall and accompanied +him to the door.</p> + +<p>"Verdict?" he demanded, fixing the physician intently with his small, +distorted eyes. But Pitts was non-committal.</p> + +<p>"Yes, he's a sick boy, but the thing, whatever it is going to be, has +been gathering slowly. He complains of headache, great weakness and +nausea, and you speak of frequent nose-bleeds during the night. The +abdomen is tender upon pressure, which is a symptom I would rather not +have found. But I can't make any positive diagnosis as yet. Some big +sickness is coming on—that, I am afraid, is certain. I shall come out +here to-morrow. But, Mr. Bennett, be careful of yourself. Even steel can +weaken, you know. You see this rabble" (he motioned with his head toward +the anteroom, where the other visitors were waiting) "that is hounding +you? Everybody knows where you are. Man, you must have rest. I don't +need to look at you more than once to know that. Get away! Get away even +from your mails! Hide from everybody for a while! Don't think you can +nurse your friend through these next few weeks, because you can't."</p> + +<p>"Well," answered Bennett, "wait a few days. We'll see by the end of the +week."</p> + +<p>The week passed. Ferriss went gradually from bad to worse, though as yet +the disease persistently refused to declare itself. He was quite +helpless, and Bennett watched over him night and day, pottering around +him by the hour, giving him his medicines, cooking his food, and even +when Ferriss complained of the hotness of the bedclothes, changing the +very linen that he might lie upon cool sheets. But at the end of the +week Dr. Pitts declared that Bennett himself was in great danger of +breaking down, and was of no great service to the sick man.</p> + +<p>"To-morrow," said the doctor, "I shall have a young fellow here who +happens to be a cousin of mine. He is an excellent trained nurse, a +fellow we can rely upon. He'll take your place. I'll have him here +to-morrow, and you must get away. Hide somewhere. Don't even allow your +mail to be forwarded. The nurse and I will take care of Mr. Ferriss. You +can leave me your address, and I will wire you if it is necessary. Now +be persuaded like a reasonable man. I will stake my professional +reputation that you will knock under if you stay here with a sick man on +your hands and newspaper men taking the house by storm at all hours of +the day. Come now, will you go? Mr. Ferriss is in no danger, and you +will do him more harm by staying than by going. So long as you remain +here you will have this raft of people in the rooms at all hours. Deny +yourself! Keep them out! Keep out the American reporter when he goes +gunning for a returned explorer! Do you think this," and he pointed +again to the crowd in the anteroom, "is the right condition for a sick +man's quarters? You are imperilling his safety, to say nothing of your +own, by staying beside him—you draw the fire, Mr. Bennett."</p> + +<p>"Well, there's something in that," muttered Bennett, pulling at his +mustache. "But—" Bennett hesitated, then: "Pitts, I want you to take my +place here if I go away. Have a nurse if you like, but I shouldn't feel +justified in leaving the boy in his condition unless I knew you were +with him continually. I don't know what your practice is worth to you, +say for a month, or until the boy is out of danger, but make me a +proposition. I think we can come to an understanding."</p> + +<p>"But it won't be necessary to have a doctor with Mr. Ferriss constantly. +I should see him every day and the nurse—"</p> + +<p>Bennett promptly overrode his objections. Harshly and abruptly he +exclaimed: "I'm not taking any chances. It shall be as I say. I want the +boy well, and I want you and the nurse to see to it that he <i>gets</i> well. +I'll meet the expenses."</p> + +<p>Bennett did not hear the doctor's response and his suggestion as to the +advisability of taking Ferriss to his own house in the country while he +could be moved. For the moment he was not listening. An idea had +abruptly presented itself to him. He was to go to the country. But +where? A grim smile began to relax the close-gripped lips and the hard +set of the protruding jaw. He tugged again at his mustache, scowling at +the doctor, trying to hide his humour.</p> + +<p>"Well, that's settled then," he said; "I'll get away +to-morrow—somewhere."</p> + +<p>"Whereabouts?" demanded the doctor. "I shall want to let you know how we +progress."</p> + +<p>Bennett chose to feel a certain irritation. What business of Pitts was +it whom he went to see, or, rather, where he meant to go?</p> + +<p>"You told me to hide away from everybody, not even to allow my mail to +be forwarded. But I'll let you know where to reach me, of course, as +soon as I get there. It won't be far from town."</p> + +<p>"And I will take your place here with Mr. Ferriss; somebody will be with +him at every moment, and I shall only wire you," continued the doctor, +"in case of urgent necessity. I want you to have all the rest you can, +and stay away as long as possible. I shan't annoy you with telegrams +unless I must. You'll understand that no news is good news."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>On that particular morning Lloyd sat in her room in the old farmhouse +that she always elected to call her home as often as she visited +Bannister. It was some quarter of a mile outside the little village, and +on the road that connected it with the railway at Fourth Lake, some six +miles over the hills to the east. It was yet early in the morning, and +Lloyd was writing letters that she would post at Fourth Lake later in +the forenoon. She intended driving over to the lake. Two days before, +Lewis had arrived with Rox, the ponies and the phaeton. Lloyd's +dog-cart, a very gorgeous, high-wheeled affair, was always kept at +Bannister.</p> + +<p>The room in which she now sat was delightful. Everything was white, from +the curtains of the bed to the chintz hangings on the walls. A rug of +white fur was on the floor. The panellings and wooden shutters of the +windows were painted white. The fireplace was set in glossy-white tiles, +and its opening covered with a screen of white feathers. The windows +were flung wide, and a great flood of white sunlight came pouring into +the room. Lloyd herself was dressed in white, from the clean, crisp +scarf tied about her neck to the tip of her canvas tennis shoes. And in +all this array of white only the dull-red flame of her high-piled +hair—in the sunshine glowing like burnished copper—set a vivid note of +colour, the little strands and locks about her neck and ears coruscating +as the breeze from the open windows stirred them.</p> + +<p>The morning was veritably royal—still, cool, and odorous of woods and +cattle and growing grass. A great sense of gayety, of exhilaration, was +in the air. Lloyd was all in tune with it. While she wrote her left +elbow rested on the table, and in her left hand she held a huge, green +apple, unripe, sour, delicious beyond words, and into which she bit from +time to time with the silent enjoyment of a school-girl.</p> + +<p>Her letter was to Hattie's father, Mr. Campbell, and she wrote to ask if +the little girl might not spend a week with her at Bannister. When the +letter was finished and addressed she thrust it into her belt, and, +putting on her hat, ran downstairs. Lewis had brought the dog-cart to +the gate, and stood waiting in the road by Rox's head. But as Lloyd went +down the brick-paved walk of the front yard Mrs. Applegate, who owned +the farmhouse, and who was at once Lloyd's tenant, landlady, +housekeeper, and cook, appeared on the porch of the house, the head of a +fish in her hand, and Charley-Joe, the yellow tomcat, at her heels, +eyeing her with painful intentness.</p> + +<p>"Say, Miss Searight," she called, her forearm across her forehead to +shade her eyes, the hand still holding the fish's head, "say, while +you're out this morning will you keep an eye out for that dog of +our'n—you know, Dan—the one with liver'n white spots? He's run off +again—ain't seen him since yesterday noon. He gets away an' goes off +fighting other dogs over the whole blessed county. There ain't a dog big +'r little within ten mile that Dan ain't licked. He'd sooner fight than +he would eat, that dog."</p> + +<p>"I will, I will," answered Lloyd, climbing to the high seat, "and if I +find him I shall drag him back by the scruff of his neck. Good-morning, +Lewis. Why have you put the overhead check on Rox?"</p> + +<p>Lewis touched his cap.</p> + +<p>"He feels his oats some this morning, and if he gets his lower jaw agin' +his chest there's no holding of him, Miss—no holding of him in the +world."</p> + +<p>Lloyd gathered up the reins and spoke to the horse, and Lewis stood +aside.</p> + +<p>Rox promptly went up into the air on his hind legs, shaking his head +with a great snort.</p> + +<p>"Steady, you old pig," said Lloyd, calmly. "Soh, soh, who's trying to +kill you?"</p> + +<p>"Hadn't I better come with you, Miss?" inquired Lewis anxiously.</p> + +<p>Lloyd shook her head. "No, indeed," she said decisively.</p> + +<p>Rox, after vindicating his own independence by the proper amount of +showing off, started away down the road with as high an action as he +could command, playing to the gallery, looking back and out of the tail +of his eye to see if Lewis observed what a terrible fellow he was that +morning.</p> + +<p>"Well, of all the critters!" commented Mrs. Applegate from the porch. +But Charley-Joe, with an almost hypnotic fixity in his yellow eyes, and +who during the last few minutes had several times opened his mouth wide +in an ineffectual attempt to mew, suddenly found his voice with a +prolonged and complaining note.</p> + +<p>"Well, heavens an' airth, take your fish, then!" exclaimed Mrs. +Applegate suddenly, remembering the cat. "An' get off'n my porch with +it." She pushed him away with the side of her foot, and Charley-Joe, +with the fish's head in his teeth, retired around the corner of the +house by the rain barrel, where at intervals he could be heard growling +to himself in a high-pitched key, pretending the approach of some +terrible enemy.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile Lloyd, already well on her way, was having an exciting tussle +with Rox. The horse had begun by making an exhibition of himself for all +who could see, but in the end he had so worked upon his own nerves that +instead of frightening others he only succeeded in terrifying himself. +He was city-bred, and the sudden change from brick houses to open fields +had demoralised him. He began to have a dim consciousness of just how +strong he was. There was nothing vicious about him. He would not have +lowered himself to kick, but he did want, with all the big, strong heart +of him, to run.</p> + +<p>But back of him there—he felt it thrilling along the tense-drawn +reins—was a calm, powerful grip, even, steady, masterful. Turn his head +he could not, but he knew very well that Lloyd had taken a double twist +upon the reins, and that her hands, even if they were gloved in white, +were strong—strong enough to hold him to his work. And besides this—he +could tell it by the very feel of the bit—he knew that she did not take +him very seriously, that he could not make her afraid of him. He knew +that she could tell at once whether he shied because he was really +frightened or because he wanted to break the shaft, and that in the +latter case he would get the whip—and mercilessly, too—across his +haunch, a degradation, above all things, to be avoided. And she had +called him an old pig once already that morning.</p> + +<p>Lloyd drove on. She keenly enjoyed this struggle between the horse's +strength and her own determination, her own obstinacy. No, she would not +let Rox have his way; she would not allow him to triumph over her for a +single moment. She would neither be forced nor tricked into yielding a +single point however small. She would be mistress of the situation.</p> + +<p>By the end of half an hour she had him well in hand, and was bowling +smoothly along a level stretch of road at the foot of an abrupt rise of +land covered with scrub oak and broken with outcroppings of granite of a +curious formation. Just beyond here the road crossed the canal by a +narrow—in fact, a much too narrow—plank bridge without guard-rails. +The wide-axled dog-cart had just sufficient room on either hand, and +Lloyd, too good a whip to take chances with so nervous a horse as Rox, +drew him down to a walk as she approached it. But of a sudden her eyes +were arrested by a curious sight. She halted the cart.</p> + +<p>At the roadside, some fifty yards from the plank bridge, were two dogs. +Evidently there had just been a dreadful fight. Here and there a stone +was streaked with blood. The grass and smaller bushes were flattened +out, and tufts of hair were scattered about upon the ground. Of the two +dogs, Lloyd recognised one upon the instant. It was Dan, the "liver'n +white" fox-hound of the farmhouse—the fighter and terror of the +country. But he was lying upon his side now, the foreleg broken, or +rather crushed, as if in a vise; the throat torn open, the life-blood in +a great pool about his head. He was dead, or in the very throes of +death. Poor Dan, he had fought his last fight, had found more than his +match at last.</p> + +<p>Lloyd looked at the other dog—the victor; then looked at him a second +time and a third.</p> + +<p>"Well," she murmured, "that's a strange-looking dog."</p> + +<p>In fact, he was a curious animal. His broad, strong body was covered +with a brown fur as dense, as thick, and as soft as a wolf's; the ears +were pricked and pointed, the muzzle sharp, the eyes slant and beady. +The breast was disproportionately broad, the forelegs short and +apparently very powerful. Around his neck was a broad nickelled collar.</p> + +<p>But as Lloyd sat in the cart watching him he promptly demonstrated the +fact that his nature was as extraordinary as his looks. He turned again +from a momentary inspection of the intruders, sniffed once or twice at +his dead enemy, then suddenly began to eat him.</p> + +<p>Lloyd's gorge rose with anger and disgust. Even if Dan had been killed, +it had been in fair fight, and there could be no doubt that Dan himself +had been the aggressor. She could even feel a little respect for the +conqueror of the champion, but to turn upon the dead foe, now that the +heat of battle was past, and (in no spirit of hate or rage) deliberately +to eat him. What a horror! She took out her whip.</p> + +<p>"Shame on you!" she exclaimed. "Ugh! what a savage; I shan't allow you!"</p> + +<p>A farm-hand was coming across the plank bridge, and as he drew near the +cart Lloyd asked him to hold Rox for a moment. Rox was one of those +horses who, when standing still, are docile as a kitten, and she had no +hesitancy in leaving him with a man at his head. She jumped out, the +whip in her hand. Dan was beyond all help, but she wanted at least to +take his collar back to Mrs. Applegate. The strange dog permitted +himself to be driven off a little distance. Part of his strangeness +seemed to be that through it all he retained a certain placidity of +temper. There was no ferocity in his desire to eat Dan.</p> + +<p>"That's just what makes it so disgusting," said Lloyd, shaking her whip +at him. He sat down upon his haunches, eyeing her calmly, his tongue +lolling. When she had unbuckled Dan's collar and tossed it into the cart +under the seat she inquired of the farm-hand as to where the new dog +came from.</p> + +<p>"It beats me, Miss Searight," he answered; "never saw such a bird in +these parts before; t'other belongs down to Applegate's."</p> + +<p>"Come, let's have a look at you," said Lloyd, putting back the whip; +"let me see your collar."</p> + +<p>Disregarding the man's warning, she went up to the stranger, whistling +and holding out her hand, and he came up to her—a little suspiciously +at first, but in the end wagging his tail, willing to be friendly. Lloyd +parted the thick fur around his neck and turned the plate of the collar +to the light. On the plate was engraved: "Kamiska, Arctic S.S. 'Freja.' +Return to Ward Bennett."</p> + +<p>"Anything on the collar?" asked the man.</p> + +<p>Lloyd settled a hairpin in a coil of hair at the back of her neck.</p> + +<p>"Nothing—nothing that I can make out."</p> + +<p>She climbed into the cart again and dismissed the farm-hand with a +quarter. He disappeared around the turn of the road. But as she was +about to drive on, Lloyd heard a great clattering of stones upon the +hill above her, a crashing in the bushes, and a shrill whistle thrice +repeated. Kamiska started up at once, cocking alternate ears, then +turned about and ran up the hill to meet Ward Bennett, who came +scrambling down, jumping from one granite outcrop to another, holding on +the whiles by the lower branches of the scrub oak-trees.</p> + +<p>He was dressed as if for an outing, in knickerbockers and huge, +hob-nailed shoes. He wore an old shooting-coat and a woollen cap; a +little leather sack was slung from his shoulder, and in his hand he +carried a short-handled geologist's hammer.</p> + +<p>And then, after so long a time, Lloyd saw his face again—the rugged, +unhandsome face; the massive jaw, huge almost to deformity; the great, +brutal, indomitable lips; the square-cut chin with its forward, +aggressive thrust; the narrow forehead, seamed and contracted, and the +twinkling, keen eyes so marred by the cast, so heavily shadowed by the +shaggy eyebrows. When he spoke the voice came heavy and vibrant from the +great chest, a harsh, deep bass, a voice in which to command men, not a +voice in which to talk to women.</p> + +<p>Lloyd, long schooled to self-repression and the control of her emotions +when such repression and control were necessary, sat absolutely moveless +on her high seat, her hands only shutting tighter and tighter upon the +reins. She had often wondered how she would feel, what was to be her +dominant impulse, at such moments as these, and now she realised that it +was not so much joy, not so much excitement, as a resolute determination +not for one instant to lose her poise.</p> + +<p>She was thinking rapidly. For four years they had not met. At one time +she believed him to be dead. But in the end he had been saved, had come +back, and, ignoring the plaudits of an entire Christendom, had addressed +himself straight to her. For one of them, at least, this meeting was a +crisis. What would they first say to each other? how be equal to the +situation? how rise to its dramatic possibilities? But the moment had +come to them suddenly, had found them all unprepared. There was no time +to think of adequate words. Afterward, when she reviewed this encounter, +she told herself that they both had failed, and that if the meeting had +been faithfully reproduced upon the stage or in the pages of a novel it +would have seemed tame and commonplace. These two, living the actual +scene, with all the deep, strong, real emotions of them surging to the +surface, the vitality of them, all aroused and vibrating, suddenly +confronting actuality itself, were not even natural; were not even "true +to life." It was as though they had parted but a fortnight ago.</p> + +<p>Bennett caught his cap from his head and came toward her, exclaiming:</p> + +<p>"Miss Searight, I believe."</p> + +<p>And she, reaching her right hand over the left, that still held the +reins, leaned from her high seat, shaking hands with him and replying:</p> + +<p>"Well—Mr. Bennett, I'm so very glad to see you again. Where did you +come from?"</p> + +<p>"From the City—and from seventy-six degrees north latitude."</p> + +<p>"I congratulate you. We had almost given up hope of you."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," he answered. "We were not so roseate with hope +ourselves—all the time. But I have not felt as though I had really come +back until this—well, until I had reached—the road between Bannister +and Fourth Lake, for instance," and his face relaxed to its +characteristic grim smile.</p> + +<p>"You reached it too late, then," she responded. "Your dog has killed our +Dan, and, what is much worse, started to eat him. He's a perfect +savage."</p> + +<p>"Kamiska? Well," he added, reflectively, "it's my fault for setting her +a bad example. I ate her trace-mate, and was rather close to eating +Kamiska herself at one time. But I didn't come down here to talk about +that."</p> + +<p>"You are looking rather worn, Mr. Bennett."</p> + +<p>"I suppose. The doctor sent me into the country to call back the roses +to my pallid cheek. So I came down here—to geologise. I presume that +excuse will do as well as another." Then suddenly he cried: "Hello, +steady there; <i>quick</i>, Miss Searight!"</p> + +<p>It all came so abruptly that neither of them could afterward reconstruct +the scene with any degree of accuracy. Probably in scrambling down the +steep slope of the bank Bennett had loosened the earth or smaller stones +that hitherto had been barely sufficient support to the mass of earth, +gravel, rocks, and bushes that all at once, and with a sharp, crackling +noise, slid downward toward the road from the overhanging bank. The slip +was small, hardly more than three square yards of earth moving from its +place, but it came with a smart, quick rush, throwing up a cloud of dust +and scattering pebbles and hard clods of dirt far before its advance.</p> + +<p>As Rox leaped Lloyd threw her weight too suddenly on the reins, the +horse arched his neck, and the overhead check snapped like a +harp-string. Again he reared from the object of his terror, shaking his +head from side to side, trying to get a purchase on the bit. Then his +lower jaw settled against his chest, and all at once he realised that no +pair of human hands could hold him now. He did not rear again; his +haunches suddenly lowered, and with the hoofs of his hind feet he began +feeling the ground for his spring. But now Bennett was at his head, +gripping at the bit, striving to thrust him back. Lloyd, half risen from +her seat, each rein wrapped twice around her hands, her long, strong +arms at their fullest reach, held back against the horse with all her +might, her body swaying and jerking with his plunges. But the overhead +check once broken Lloyd might as well have pulled against a locomotive. +Bennett was a powerful man by nature, but his great strength had been +not a little sapped by his recent experiences. Between the instant his +hand caught at the bit and that in which Rox had made his first +ineffectual attempt to spring forward he recognised the inequality of +the contest. He could hold Rox back for a second or two, perhaps three, +then the horse would get away from him. He shot a glance about him. Not +twenty yards away was the canal and the perilously narrow bridge—the +bridge without the guard-rail.</p> + +<p>"Quick, Miss Searight!" he shouted. "Jump! We can't hold him. Quick, do +as I tell you, jump!"</p> + +<p>But even as he spoke Rox dragged him from his feet, his hoofs trampling +the hollow road till it reverberated like the roll of drums. Bracing +himself against every unevenness of the ground, his teeth set, his face +scarlet, the veins in his neck swelling, suddenly blue-black, Bennett +wrenched at the bit till the horse's mouth went bloody. But all to no +purpose; faster and faster Rox was escaping from his control.</p> + +<p>"Jump, I tell you!" he shouted again, looking over his shoulder; +"another second and he's away."</p> + +<p>Lloyd dropped the reins and turned to jump. But the lap-robe had slipped +down to the bottom of the cart when she had risen, and was in a tangle +about her feet. The cart was rocking like a ship in a storm. Twice she +tried to free herself, holding to the dashboard with one hand. Then the +cart suddenly lurched forward and she fell to her knees. Rox was off; it +was all over.</p> + +<p>Not quite. In one brief second of time—a hideous vision come and gone +between two breaths—Lloyd saw the fearful thing done there in the road, +almost within reach of her hand. She saw the man and horse at grapples, +the yellow reach of road that lay between her and the canal, the canal +itself, and the narrow bridge. Then she saw the short-handled +geologist's hammer gripped in Bennett's fist heave high in the air. Down +it came, swift, resistless, terrible—one blow. The cart tipped forward +as Rox, his knees bowing from under him, slowly collapsed. Then he +rolled upon the shaft that snapped under him, and the cart vibrated from +end to end as a long, shuddering tremble ran through him with his last +deep breath.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="V" id="V"></a>V.</h2> + + +<p>When Lloyd at length managed to free herself and jump to the ground +Bennett came quickly toward her and drew her away to the side of the +road.</p> + +<p>"Are you hurt?" he demanded. "Tell me, are you hurt?"</p> + +<p>"No, no; not in the least."</p> + +<p>"Why in the world did you want to drive such a horse? Don't ever take +such chances again. I won't have it."</p> + +<p>For a few moments Lloyd was too excited to trust herself to talk, and +could only stand helplessly to one side, watching Bennett as he stripped +off the harness from the dead horse, stowed it away under the seat of +the cart, and rolled the cart itself to the edge of the road. Then at +length she said, trying to smile and to steady her voice:</p> + +<p>"It—it seems to me, Mr. Bennett, you do about—about as you like with +my sta-bub-ble."</p> + +<p>"Sit down!" he commanded, "you are trembling all over. Sit down on that +rock there."</p> + +<p>"—and with me," she added, sinking down upon the boulder he had +indicated with a movement of his head, his hands busy with the harness.</p> + +<p>"I'm sorry I had to do that," he explained; "but there was no help for +it—nothing else to do. He would have had you in the canal in another +second, if he did not kill you on the way there."</p> + +<p>"Poor old Rox," murmured Lloyd; "I was very fond of Rox."</p> + +<p>Bennett put himself in her way as she stepped forward. He had the +lap-robe over his arm and the whip in his hand.</p> + +<p>"No, don't look at him. He's not a pretty sight. Come, shall I take you +home? Don't worry about the cart; I will see that it is sent back."</p> + +<p>"And that Rox is buried—somewhere? I don't want him left out there for +the crows." In spite of Bennett's injunction she looked over her +shoulder for a moment as they started off down the road. "I only hope +you were sure there was nothing else to do, Mr. Bennett," she said.</p> + +<p>"There was no time to think," he answered, "and I wasn't taking any +chances."</p> + +<p>But the savagery of the whole affair stuck in Lloyd's imagination. There +was a primitiveness, a certain hideous simplicity in the way Bennett had +met the situation that filled her with wonder and with even a little +terror and mistrust of him. The vast, brutal directness of the deed was +out of place and incongruous at this end-of-the-century time. It ignored +two thousand years of civilisation. It was a harsh, clanging, brazen +note, powerful, uncomplicated, which came jangling in, discordant and +inharmonious with the tune of the age. It savoured of the days when men +fought the brutes with their hands or with their clubs. But also it was +an indication of a force and a power of mind that stopped at nothing to +attain its ends, that chose the shortest cut, the most direct means, +disdainful of hesitation, holding delicacy and finessing in measureless +contempt, rushing straight to its object, driving in, breaking down +resistance, smashing through obstacles with a boundless, crude, blind +Brobdignag power, to oppose which was to be trampled under foot upon the +instant.</p> + +<p>It was long before their talk turned from the incident of the morning, +but when it did its subject was Richard Ferriss. Bennett was sounding +his praises and commending upon his pluck and endurance during the +retreat from the ship, when Lloyd, after hesitating once or twice, +asked:</p> + +<p>"How is Mr. Ferriss? In your note you said he was ill."</p> + +<p>"So he is," he told her, "and I could not have left him if I was not +sure I was doing him harm by staying. But the doctor is to wire me if he +gets any worse, and only if he does. I am to believe that no news is +good news."</p> + +<p>But this meeting with Lloyd and the intense excitement of those few +moments by the canal had quite driven from Bennett's mind the fact that +he had <i>not</i> forwarded his present address either to Ferriss or to his +doctor. He had so intended that morning, but all the faculties of his +mind were suddenly concentrated upon another issue. For the moment he +believed that he had actually written to Dr. Pitts, as he had planned, +and when he thought of his intended message at all, thought of it as an +accomplished fact. The matter did not occur to him again.</p> + +<p>As he walked by Lloyd's side, listening to her and talking to her, +snapping the whip the while, or flicking the heads from the mullein +stalks by the roadside with its lash, he was thinking how best he might +say to her what he had come from the City to say. To lead up to his +subject, to guide the conversation, to prepare the right psychological +moment skilfully and without apparent effort, were maneuvers in the game +that Bennett ignored and despised. He knew only that he loved her, that +she was there at his side, that the object of all his desires and hopes +was within his reach. Straight as a homing pigeon he went to his goal.</p> + +<p>"Miss Searight," he began, his harsh, bass voice pitched even lower than +usual, "what do you think I am down here for? This is not the only part +of the world where I could recuperate, I suppose, and as for spending +God's day in chipping at stones, like a professor of a young ladies' +seminary"—he hurled the hammer from him into the bushes—"that for +geology! Now we can talk. You know very well that I love you, and I +believe that you love me. I have come down here to ask you to marry me."</p> + +<p>Lloyd might have done any one of a dozen things—might have answered in +any one of a dozen ways. But what she did do, what she did say, took +Bennett completely by surprise. A little coldly and very calmly she +answered:</p> + +<p>"You believe—you say you believe that I—" she broke off, then began +again: "It is not right for you to say that to me. I have never led you +to believe that I cared for you. Whatever our relations are to be, let +us have that understood at once."</p> + +<p>Bennett uttered an impatient exclamation "I am not good at fencing and +quibbling," he declared. "I tell you that I love you with all my heart. +I tell you that I want you to be my wife, and I tell you that I know you +do love me. You are not like other women; why should you coquette with +me? Good God! Are you not big enough to be above such things? I know you +are. Of all the people in the world we two ought to be above pretence, +ought to understand each other. If I did not know you cared for me I +would not have spoken."</p> + +<p>"I don't understand you," she answered. "I think we had better talk of +other things this morning."</p> + +<p>"I came down here to talk of just this and nothing else," he declared.</p> + +<p>"Very well, then," she said, squaring her shoulders with a quick, brisk +movement, "we will talk of it. You say we two should understand each +other. Let us come to the bottom of things at once. I despise quibbling +and fencing as much, perhaps, as you. Tell me how have I ever led you to +believe that I cared for you?"</p> + +<p>"At a time when our last hope was gone," answered Bennett, meeting her +eyes, "when I was very near to death and thought that I should go to my +God within the day, I was made happier than I think I ever was in my +life before by finding out that I was dear to you—that you loved me."</p> + +<p>Lloyd searched his face with a look of surprise and bewilderment.</p> + +<p>"I do not understand you," she repeated.</p> + +<p>"Oh!" exclaimed Bennett with sudden vehemence, "you could say it to +Ferriss; why can't you say it to me?"</p> + +<p>"To Mr. Ferriss?"</p> + +<p>"You could tell <i>him</i> that you cared."</p> + +<p>"I—tell Mr. Ferriss—that I cared for you?" She began to smile. "You +are a little absurd, Mr. Bennett."</p> + +<p>"And I cannot see why you should deny it now. Or if anything has caused +you to change your mind—to be sorry for what you said, why should I not +know it? Even a petty thief may be heard in his own defence. I loved you +because I believed you to be a woman, a great, strong, noble, man's +woman, above little things, above the little, niggling, contemptible +devices of the drawing-room. I loved you because the great things of the +world interested you, because you had no place in your life for petty +graces, petty affectations, petty deceits and shams and insincerities. +If you did not love me, why did you say so? If you do love me now, why +should you not admit it? Do you think you can play with me? Do you think +you can coquette with me? If you were small enough to stoop to such +means, do you think I am small enough to submit to them? I have known +Ferriss too well. I know him to be incapable of such falsity as you +would charge him with. To have told such a lie, such an uncalled-for, +useless, gratuitous lie, is a thing he could not have done. You must +have told him that you cared. Why aren't you—you of all women—brave +enough, strong enough, big enough to stand by your words?"</p> + +<p>"Because I never said them. What do you think of me? Even if I did care, +do you suppose I would say as much—and to another man? Oh!" she +exclaimed with sudden indignation, "let's talk of something else. This +is too—preposterous."</p> + +<p>"You never told Ferriss that you cared for me?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>Bennett took off his cap. "Very well, then. That is enough. Good-bye, +Miss Searight."</p> + +<p>"Do you believe I told Mr. Ferriss I loved you?"</p> + +<p>"I do not believe that the man who has been more to me than a brother is +a liar and a rascal."</p> + +<p>"Good-morning, Mr. Bennett."</p> + +<p>They had come rather near to the farmhouse by this time. Without another +word Bennett gave the whip and the lap-robe into her hands, and, turning +upon his heel, walked away down the road.</p> + +<p>Lloyd told Lewis as much of the morning's accident by the canal as was +necessary, and gave orders about the dog-cart and the burying of Rox. +Then slowly, her eyes fixed and wide, she went up to her own room and, +without removing either her hat or her gloves, sat down upon the edge of +the bed, letting her hands fall limply into her lap, gazing abstractedly +at the white curtain just stirring at the open window.</p> + +<p>She could not say which hurt her most—that Ferriss had told the lie or +that Bennett believed it. But why, in heaven's name why, had Ferriss so +spoken to Bennett; what object had he in view; what had he to gain by +it? Why had Ferriss, the man who loved her, chosen so to humiliate her, +to put her in a position so galling to her pride, her dignity? Bennett, +too, loved her. How could he believe that she had so demeaned herself?</p> + +<p>She had been hurt and to the heart, at a point where she believed +herself most unassailable, and he who held the weapon was the man that +with all the heart of her and soul of her she loved.</p> + +<p>Much of the situation was all beyond her. Try as she would she could not +understand. One thing, however, she saw clearly, unmistakably: Bennett +believed that she loved him, believed that she had told as much to +Ferriss, and that when she had denied all knowledge of Ferriss's lie she +was only coquetting with him. She knew Bennett and his character well +enough to realise that an idea once rooted in his mind was all but +ineradicable. Bennett was not a man of easy changes; nothing mobile +about him.</p> + +<p>The thought of this belief of Bennett's was intolerable. As she sat +there alone in her white room the dull crimson of her cheeks flamed +suddenly scarlet, and with a quick, involuntary gesture she threw her +hand, palm outward, across her face to hide it from the sunlight. She +went quickly from one mood to another. Now her anger grew suddenly hot +against Ferriss. How had he dared? How had he dared to put this +indignity, this outrageous insult, upon her? Now her wrath turned upon +Bennett. What audacity had been his to believe that she would so forget +herself? She set her teeth in her impotent anger, rising to her feet, +her hands clenching, tears of sheer passion starting to her eyes.</p> + +<p>For the greater part of the afternoon she kept to her room, pacing the +floor from wall to wall, trying to think clearly, to resolve upon +something that would readjust the situation, that would give her back +her peace of mind, her dignity, and her happiness of the early morning. +For now the great joy that had come to her in his safe return was all +but gone. For one moment she even told herself she could not love him, +but the next was willing to admit that it was only because of her love +of him, as strong and deep as ever, that the humiliation cut so deeply +and cruelly now. Ferriss had lied about her, and Bennett had believed +the lie. To meet Bennett again under such circumstances was not to be +thought of for one moment. Her vacation was spoiled; the charm of the +country had vanished. Lloyd returned to the City the next day.</p> + +<p>She found that she was glad to get back to her work. The subdued murmur +of the City that hourly assaulted her windows was a relief to her ears +after the profound and numbing silence of the country. The square was +never so beautiful as at this time of summer, and even the restless +shadow pictures, that after dark were thrown upon the ceiling of her +room by the electrics shining through the great elms in the square +below, were a pleasure.</p> + +<p>On the morning after her arrival and as she was unpacking her trunk Miss +Douglass came into her room and seated herself, according to her custom, +on the couch. After some half-hour's give-and-take talk, the fever nurse +said:</p> + +<p>"Do you remember, Lloyd, what I told you about typhoid in the +spring—that it was almost epidemic?"</p> + +<p>Lloyd nodded, turning about from her trunk, her arms full of dresses.</p> + +<p>"It's worse than ever now," continued Miss Douglass; "three of our +people have been on cases only in the short time you have been away. And +there's a case out in Medford that has killed one nurse."</p> + +<p>"Well!" exclaimed Lloyd in some astonishment, "it seems to me that one +should confine typhoid easily enough."</p> + +<p>"Not always, not always," answered the other; "a virulent case would be +quite as bad as yellow fever or smallpox. You remember when we were at +the hospital Miss Helmuth, that little Polish nurse, contracted it from +her case and died even before her patient did. Then there was Eva +Blayne. She very nearly died. I did like the way Miss Wakeley took this +case out at Medford even when the other nurse had died. She never +hesitated for—"</p> + +<p>"Has one of our people got this case?" inquired Lloyd.</p> + +<p>"Of course. Didn't I tell you?"</p> + +<p>"I hope we cure it," said Lloyd, her trunk-tray in her hands. "I don't +think we have ever lost a case yet when good nursing could pull it +through, and in typhoid the whole treatment really is the nursing."</p> + +<p>"Lloyd," said Miss Douglass decisively, "I would give anything I can +think of now to have been on that hip disease case of yours and have +brought my patient through as you did. You should hear what Dr. Street +says of you—and the little girl's father. By the way, I had nearly +forgotten. Hattie Campbell—that's her name, isn't it?—telephoned to +know if you had come back from the country yet. That was yesterday. I +said we expected you to-day, and she told me to say she was coming to +see you."</p> + +<p>The next afternoon toward three o'clock Hattie and her father drove to +the square in an open carriage, Hattie carrying a great bunch of violets +for Lloyd. The little invalid was well on the way to complete recovery +by now. Sometimes she was allowed to walk a little, but as often as not +her maid wheeled her about in an invalid's chair. She drove out in the +carriage frequently by way of exercise. She would, no doubt, always limp +a little, but in the end it was certain she would be sound and strong. +For Hattie and her father Lloyd had become a sort of tutelary +semi-deity. In what was left of the family she had her place, hardly +less revered than even the dead wife. Campbell himself, who had made a +fortune in Bessemer steel, a well-looking, well-groomed gentleman, +smooth-shaven and with hair that was none too gray, more than once +caught himself standing before Lloyd's picture that stood on the +mantelpiece in Hattie's room, looking at it vaguely as he clipped the +nib from his cigar.</p> + +<p>But on this occasion as the carriage stopped in front of the ample pile +of the house Hattie called out, "Oh, there she is now," and Lloyd came +down the steps, carrying her nurse's bag in her hand.</p> + +<p>"Are we too late?" began Hattie; "are you going out; are you on a case? +Is that why you've got your bag? We thought you were on a vacation."</p> + +<p>Campbell, yielding to a certain feeling of uneasiness that Lloyd should +stand on the curb while he remained seated, got out of the carriage and +stood at her side, gravely listening to the talk between the nurse and +her one-time patient. Lloyd was obliged to explain, turning now to +Hattie, now to her father. She told them that she was in something of a +hurry. She had just been specially called to take a very bad case of +typhoid fever in a little suburb of the City, called Medford. It was not +her turn to go, but the physicians in charge of the case, as sometimes +happened, had asked especially for her.</p> + +<p>"One of our people, a young woman named Miss Wakeley, has been on this +case," she continued, "but it seems she has allowed herself to contract +the disease herself. She went to the hospital this noon."</p> + +<p>Campbell, his gravity suddenly broken up, exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Surely, Miss Searight, this is not the same case I read of in +yesterday's paper—it must be, too—Medford was the name of the place. +That case has killed one nurse already, and now the second one is down. +Don't tell me you are going to take the same case."</p> + +<p>"It is the same case," answered Lloyd, "and, of course, I am going to +take it. Did you ever hear of a nurse doing otherwise? Why, it would +seem—seem so—funny—"</p> + +<p>There was no dissuading her, and Campbell and Hattie soon ceased even to +try. She was impatient to be gone. The station was close at hand, and +she would not hear of taking the carriage thither. However, before she +left them she recurred again to the subject of her letter to Mr. +Campbell, and then and there it was decided that Hattie and her maid +should spend the following ten days at Lloyd's place in Bannister. The +still country air, now that Hattie was able to take the short journey, +would be more to her than many medicines, and the ponies and Lloyd's +phaeton would be left there with Lewis for her use.</p> + +<p>"And write often, won't you, Miss Searight?" exclaimed Hattie as Lloyd +was saying good-bye. Lloyd shook her head.</p> + +<p>"Not that of all things," she answered. "If I did that we might have +you, too, down with typhoid. But you may write to me, and I hope you +will," and she gave Hattie her new address.</p> + +<p>"Harriet," said Campbell as the carriage drove back across the square, +the father and daughter waving their hands to Lloyd, briskly on her way +to the railroad station, "Harriet."</p> + +<p>"Yes, papa."</p> + +<p>"There goes a noble woman. Pluck, intelligence, strong will—she has +them all—and a great big heart that—heart that—" He clipped the end +of a cigar thoughtfully and fell silent.</p> + +<p>A day or two later, as Hattie was sitting in her little wheel-chair on +the veranda of Mrs. Applegate's house watching Charley-Joe hunting +grasshoppers underneath the currant bushes, she was surprised by the +sharp closing of the front gate. A huge man with one squint eye and a +heavy, square-cut jaw was coming up the walk, followed by a +strange-looking dog. Charley-Joe withdrew, swiftly to his particular +hole under the veranda, moving rapidly, his body low to the ground, and +taking an unnecessary number of very short steps.</p> + +<p>The little city-bred girl distinguished the visitor from a country man +at once. Hattie had ideas of her own as to propriety, and so rose to her +feet as Bennett came up, and after a moment's hesitation made him a +little bow. Bennett at once gravely took off his cap.</p> + +<p>"Excuse me," he said as though Hattie were twenty-five instead of +twelve. "Is Miss Searight at home?"</p> + +<p>"Oh," exclaimed Hattie, delighted, "do you know Miss Searight? She was +my nurse when I was so sick—because you know I had hip disease and +there was an operation. No, she's not here any more. She's gone away, +gone back to the City."</p> + +<p>"Gone back to the City?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, three or four days ago. But I'm going to write to her this +afternoon. Shall I say who called?" Then, without waiting for a reply, +she added, "I guess I had better introduce myself. My name is Harriet +Campbell, and my papa is Craig V. Campbell, of the Hercules Wrought +Steel Company in the City. Won't you have a chair?"</p> + +<p>The little convalescent and the arctic explorer shook hands with great +solemnity.</p> + +<p>"I'm so pleased to meet you," said Bennett. "I haven't a card, but my +name is Ward Bennett—of the Freja expedition," he added. But, to his +relief, the little girl had not heard of him.</p> + +<p>"Very well," she said, "I'll tell Miss Searight Mr. Bennett called."</p> + +<p>"No," he replied, hesitatingly, "no, you needn't do that."</p> + +<p>"Why, she won't answer my letter, you know," explained Hattie, +"because she is afraid her letters would give me typhoid fever, +that they might"—she continued carefully, hazarding a remembered +phrase—"carry the contagion. You see she has gone to nurse a dreadful +case of typhoid fever out at Medford, near the City, and we're so worried +and anxious about her—papa and I. One nurse that had this case has died +already and another one has caught the disease and is very sick, and Miss +Searight, though she knew just how dangerous it was, would go, just +like—like—" Hattie hesitated, then confused memories of her school +reader coming to her, finished with "like Casabianca."</p> + +<p>"Oh," said Bennett, turning his head so as to fix her with his own good +eye. "She has gone to nurse a typhoid fever patient, has she?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, and papa told me—" and Hattie became suddenly very grave, "that +we might—might—oh, dear—never see her again."</p> + +<p>"Hum! Whereabouts is this place in Medford? She gave you her address; +what is it?" Hattie told him, and he took himself abruptly away.</p> + +<p>Bennett had gone some little distance down the road before the real +shock came upon him. Lloyd was in a position of imminent peril; her life +was in the issue. With blind, unreasoned directness he leaped at once to +this conclusion, and as he strode along with teeth and fists tight shut +he kept muttering to himself: "She may die, she may die—we—we may +never see her again." Then suddenly came the fear, the sickening sink of +heart, the choke at the throat, first the tightening and then the sudden +relaxing of all the nerves. Lashed and harried by the sense of a fearful +calamity, an unspeakable grief that was pursuing after him, Bennett did +not stop to think, to reflect. He chose instantly to believe that Lloyd +was near her death, and once the idea was fixed in his brain it was not +thereafter to be reasoned away. Suddenly, at a turn in the road, he +stopped, his hands deep in his pockets, his bootheel digging into the +ground. "Now, then," he exclaimed, "what's to be done?"</p> + +<p>Just one thing: Lloyd must leave the case at once, that very day if it +were possible. He must save her; must turn her back from this +destruction toward which she was rushing, impelled by such a foolish, +mistaken notion of duty.</p> + +<p>"Yes," he said, "there's just that to be done, and, by God! it shall be +done."</p> + +<p>But would Lloyd be turned back from a course she had chosen for herself? +Could he persuade her? Then with this thought of possible opposition +Bennett's resolve all at once tightened to the sticking point. Never in +the darkest hours of his struggle with the arctic ice had his +determination grown so fierce; never had his resolution so girded +itself, so nerved itself to crush down resistance. The force of his will +seemed brusquely to be quadrupled and decupled. He would do as he +desired; come what might he would gain his end. He would stop at +nothing, hesitate at nothing. It would probably be difficult to get her +from her post, but with all his giant's strength Bennett set himself to +gain her safety.</p> + +<p>A great point that he believed was in his favour, a consideration that +influenced him to adopt so irrevocable a resolution, was his belief that +Lloyd loved him. Bennett was not a woman's man. Men he could understand +and handle like so many manikins, but the nature of his life and work +did not conduce to a knowledge of women. Bennett did not understand +them. In his interview with Lloyd when she had so strenuously denied +Ferriss' story Bennett could not catch the ring of truth. It had gotten +into his mind that Lloyd loved him. He believed easily what he wanted to +believe, and his faith in Lloyd's love for him had become a part and +parcel of his fundamental idea of things, not readily to be driven out +even by Lloyd herself.</p> + +<p>Bennett's resolution was taken. Never had he failed in accomplishing +that upon which he set his mind. He would not fail now. Beyond a certain +limit—a limit which now he swiftly reached and passed—Bennett's +determination to carry his point became, as it were, a sort of +obsession; the sweep of the tremendous power he unchained carried his +own self along with it in its resistless onrush. At such, times there +was no light of reason in his actions. He saw only his point, beheld +only his goal; deaf to all voices that would call him back, blind to all +consideration that would lead him to swerve, reckless of everything that +he trampled under foot, he stuck to his aim until that aim was an +accomplished fact. When the grip of the Ice had threatened to close upon +him and crush him, he had hurled himself against its barriers with an +energy and resolve to conquer that was little short of directed frenzy. +So it was with him now.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>When Lloyd had parted from the Campbells in the square before the house, +she had gone directly to the railway station of a suburban line, and, +within the hour, was on her way to Medford. As always happened when an +interesting case was to be treated, her mind became gradually filled +with it to the exclusion of everything else. The Campbells, and +Bennett's ready acceptance of a story that put her in so humiliating a +light, were forgotten as the train swept her from the heat and dust of +the City out into the green reaches of country to the southward. What +had been done upon the case she had no means of telling. She only knew +that the case was of unusual virulence and well advanced. It had killed +one nurse already and seriously endangered the life of another, but so +far from reflecting on the danger to herself, Lloyd felt a certain +exhilaration in the thought that she was expected to succeed where +others had succumbed. Another battle with the Enemy was at hand, the +Enemy who, though conquered on a hundred fields, must inevitably triumph +in the end. Once again this Enemy had stooped and caught a human being +in his cold grip. Once again Life and Death were at grapples, and Death +was strong, and from out the struggle a cry had come—had come to her—a +cry for help.</p> + +<p>All the exuberance of battle grew big within her breast. She was +impatient to be there—there at hand—to face the Enemy again across the +sick-bed, where she had so often faced and outfought him before; and, +matching her force against his force, her obstinacy against his +strength—the strength that would pull the life from her grasp—her +sleepless vigilance against his stealth, her intelligence against his +cunning, her courage against his terrors, her resistance against his +attack, her skill against his strategy, her science against his +world-old, worldwide experience, win the fight, save the life, hold firm +against his slow, resistless pull and triumph again, if it was only for +the day.</p> + +<p>Succeed she would and must. Her inborn obstinacy, her sturdy refusal to +yield her ground, whatever it should be, her stubborn power of +resistance, her tenacity of her chosen course, came to her aid as she +drew swiftly near to the spot whereon the battle would be fought. +Mentally she braced herself, holding back with all her fine, +hard-tempered, native strength. No, she would not yield the life to the +Enemy; no, she would not give up; no, she would not recede. Let the +Enemy do his worst—she was strong against his efforts.</p> + +<p>At Medford, which she reached toward four in the afternoon, after an +hour's ride from the City, she found a conveyance waiting for her, and +was driven rapidly through streets bordered with villas and closely +shaven lawns to a fair-sized country seat on the outskirts of the town. +The housekeeper met her at the door with the information that the doctor +was, at the moment, in the sick-room, and had left orders that the nurse +should be brought to him the moment she arrived. The housekeeper showed +Lloyd the way to the second landing, knocking upon the half-open door at +the end of the hall, and ushering her in without waiting for an answer.</p> + +<p>Lloyd took in the room at a glance—the closely drawn curtains, the +screen between the bed and the windows, the doctor standing on the +hearth-rug, and the fever-inflamed face of the patient on the pillow. +Then all her power of self-repression could not keep her from uttering a +smothered exclamation.</p> + +<p>For she, the woman who, with all the savage energy of him, Bennett +loved, had, at peril of her life, come to nurse Bennett's nearest +friend, the man of all others dear to him—Richard Ferriss.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="VI" id="VI"></a>VI.</h2> + + +<p>Two days after Dr. Pitts had brought Ferriss to his country house in the +outskirts of Medford he had been able to diagnose his sickness as +typhoid fever, and at once had set about telegraphing the fact to +Bennett. Then it had occurred to him that he did not know where Bennett +had gone. Bennett had omitted notifying him of his present whereabouts, +and, acting upon Dr. Pitts' advice, had hidden himself away from +everybody. Neither at his club nor at his hotel, where his mail +accumulated in extraordinary quantities, had any forwarding address been +left. Bennett would not even know that Ferriss had been moved to +Medford. So much the worse. It could not be helped. There was nothing +for the doctor to do but to leave Bennett in ignorance and go ahead and +fight for the life of Ferriss as best he could. Pitts arranged for a +brother physician to take over his practice, and devoted himself +entirely to Ferriss. And Ferriss sickened and sickened, and went +steadily from bad to worse. The fever advanced regularly to a certain +stage, a stage of imminent danger, and there paused. Rarely had Pitts +been called upon to fight a more virulent form of the disease.</p> + +<p>What made matters worse was that Ferriss hung on for so long a time +without change one way or another. Pitts had long since been convinced +of ulceration in the membrane of the intestines, but it astonished him +that this symptom persisted so long without signs either of progressing +or diminishing. The course of the disease was unusually slow. The first +nurse had already had time to sicken and die; a second had been +infected, and yet Ferriss "hung on," neither sinking nor improving, yet +at every hour lying perilously near death. It was not often that death +and life locked horns for so long, not often that the chance was so +even. Many was the hour, many was the moment, when a hair would have +turned the balance, and yet the balance was preserved.</p> + +<p>At her abrupt recognition of Ferriss, in this patient whom she had been +summoned to nurse, and whose hold upon life was so pitifully weak, +Lloyd's heart gave a great leap and then sank ominously in her breast. +Her first emotion was one of boundless self-reproach. Why had she not +known of this? Why had she not questioned Bennett more closely as to his +friend's sickness? Might she not have expected something like this? Was +not typhoid the one evil to be feared and foreseen after experiences +such as Ferriss had undergone—the fatigue and privations of the march +over the ice, and the subsequent months aboard the steam whaler, with +its bad food, its dirt, and its inevitable overcrowding?</p> + +<p>And while she had been idling in the country, this man, whom she had +known since her girlhood better and longer than any of her few +acquaintances, had been struck down, and day by day had weakened and +sickened and wasted, until now, at any hour, at any moment, the life +might be snuffed out like the fight of a spent candle. What a miserable +incompetent had she been! That day in the park when she had come upon +him, so weak and broken and far spent, why had she not, with all her +training and experience, known that even then the flame was flickering +down to the socket, that a link in the silver chain was weakening? Now, +perhaps, it was too late. But quick her original obstinacy rose up in +protest. No! she would not yield the life. No, no, no; again and a +thousand times no! He belonged to her. Others she had saved, others far +less dear to her than Ferriss. Her last patient—the little girl—she +had caught back from death at the eleventh hour, and of all men would +she not save Ferriss? In such sickness as this it was the nurse and not +the doctor who must be depended upon. And, once again, never so strong, +never so fine, never so glorious, her splendid independence, her pride +in her own strength, her indomitable self-reliance leaped in her breast, +leaped and stood firm, hard as tempered steel, head to the Enemy, daring +the assault, defiant, immovable, unshaken in its resolve, unconquerable +in the steadfast tenacity of its purpose.</p> + +<p>The story that Ferriss had told to Bennett, that uncalled-for and +inexplicable falsehood, was a thing forgotten. Death stood at the +bed-head, and in that room the little things of life had no place. The +king was holding court, and the swarm of small, everyday issues, like a +crowd of petty courtiers, were not admitted to his presence. Ferriss' +life was in danger. Lloyd saw no more than that. At once she set about +the work.</p> + +<p>In a few rapid sentences exchanged in low voices between her and the +doctor Lloyd made herself acquainted with the case.</p> + +<p>"We've been using the ice-pack and wet-pack to bring down the +temperature in place of the cold bath," the doctor explained. "I'm +afraid of pericarditis."</p> + +<p>"Quinine?" inquired Lloyd.</p> + +<p>"From twenty to forty grains in the morning and evening. Here's the +temperature chart for the last week. If we reach this point in axilla +again—" he indicated one hundred and two degrees with a +thumb-nail—"we'll have to risk the cold bath, but only in that case."</p> + +<p>"And the tympanites?"</p> + +<p>Dr. Pitts put his chin in the air.</p> + +<p>"Grave—there's an intestinal ulcer, no doubt of it, and if it +perforates—well, we can send for the undertaker then."</p> + +<p>"Has he had hemorrhages?"</p> + +<p>"Two in the first week, but not profuse—he seemed to rally fairly well +afterward. We have been injecting ether in case of anemia. Really, Miss +Searight, the case is interesting, but wicked, wicked as original sin. +Killed off my first nurse out of hand—good little boy, conscientious +enough; took no care of himself; ate his meals in the sick-room against +my wishes; off he went—dicrotic pulse, diarrhea, vomiting, hospital, +thrombosis of pulmonary artery, <i>pouf</i>, requiescat."</p> + +<p>"And Miss Wakeley?"</p> + +<p>"Knocked under yesterday, and she was fairly saturated with creolin +night and morning. I don't know how it happened.... Well, God for us +all. Here he is—that's the point for us." He glanced toward the bed, +and for the third time Lloyd looked at the patient.</p> + +<p>Ferriss was in a quiet delirium, and, at intervals, from behind his +lips, dry and brown and fissured, there came the sounds of low and +indistinct muttering. Barring a certain prominence of the cheek-bones, +his face was not very wasted, but its skin was a strange, dusky pallor. +The cold pack was about his head like a sort of caricatured crown.</p> + +<p>"Well," repeated Pitts in a moment, "I've been waiting for you to come +to get a little rest. Was up all last night. Suppose you take over +charge."</p> + +<p>Lloyd nodded her head, removing her hat and gloves, making herself +ready. Pitts gave her some final directions, and left her alone in the +sick-room. For the moment there was nothing to do for the patient. Lloyd +put on her hospital slippers and moved silently about the room, +preparing for the night, and making some few changes in the matter of +light and ventilation. Then for a while the medicine occupied her +attention, and she was at some pains to carefully sort out the +antiseptic and disinfectants from the drugs themselves. These latter she +arranged on a table by themselves—studying the labels—assuring herself +of their uses. Quinine for the regular morning and evening doses, +sulphonal and trional for insomnia, ether for injections in case of +anemia after hemorrhage, morphine for delirium, citrite of caffeine for +weakness of the heart, tincture of valerian for the tympanites, bismuth +to relieve nausea and vomiting, and the crushed ice wrapped in flannel +cloths for the cold pack in the event of hyperpyrexia.</p> + +<p>Later in the evening she took the temperature in the armpit, noted the +condition of the pulse, and managed to get Ferriss—still in his quiet, +muttering delirium—to drink a glass of peptonised milk. She +administered the quinine, reading the label, as was her custom, three +times, once as she took it up, again as she measured the dose, and a +last time as she returned the bottle to its place. Everything she did, +every minute change in Ferriss's condition, she entered upon a chart, so +that in the morning when Dr. Pitts should relieve her he could grasp the +situation at a glance.</p> + +<p>The night passed without any but the expected variations of the pulse +and temperature, though toward daylight Lloyd could fancy that Ferriss, +for a few moments, came out of his delirium and was conscious of his +surroundings. For a few seconds his eyes seemed to regain something of +their intelligence, and his glance moved curiously about the room. But +Lloyd, sitting near the foot-board of the bed, turned her head from +him. It was not expedient that Ferriss should recognise her now.</p> + +<p>Lloyd could not but commend the wisdom of bringing Ferriss to Dr. +Pitts's own house in so quiet a place as Medford. The doctor risked +nothing. He was without a family, the only other occupants of the house +being the housekeeper and cook. On more than one occasion, when an +interesting case needed constant watching, Pitts had used his house as a +sanatorium. Quiet as the little village itself was, the house was +removed some little distance from its outskirts. The air was fine and +pure. The stillness, the calm, the unbroken repose, was almost +Sabbath-like. In the early watches of the night, just at the turn of the +dawn, Lloyd heard the faint rumble of a passing train at the station +nearly five miles away. For hours that and the prolonged stridulating of +the crickets were the only sounds. Then at last, while it was yet dark, +a faint chittering of waking birds began from under the eaves and from +the apple-trees in the yard about the house. Lloyd went to the window, +and, drawing aside the curtains, stood there for a moment looking out. +She could see part of the road leading to the town, and, in the +distance, the edge of the town itself, a few well-kept country +residences of suburban dwellers of the City, and, farther on, a large, +rectangular, brick building with cupola and flagstaff, perhaps the +public school or the bank or the Odd Fellows' Hall. Nearer by were +fields and corners of pasture land, with here and there the formless +shapes of drowsing cows. One of these, as Lloyd watched, changed +position, and she could almost hear the long, deep breath that +accompanied the motion. Far off, miles upon miles, so it seemed, a +rooster was crowing at exact intervals. All at once, and close at hand, +another answered—a gay, brisk carillon that woke the echoes in an +instant. For the first time Lloyd noticed a pale, dim belt of light low +in the east.</p> + +<p>Toward eight o'clock in the morning the doctor came to relieve her, and +while he was examining the charts and she was making her report for the +night the housekeeper announced breakfast.</p> + +<p>"Go down to your breakfast, Miss Searight," said the doctor. "I'll stay +here the while. The housekeeper will show you to your room."</p> + +<p>But before breakfasting Lloyd went to the room the housekeeper had set +apart for her—a different one than had been occupied by either of the +previous nurses—changed her dress, and bathed her face and hands in a +disinfecting solution. When she came out of her room the doctor met her +in the hall; his hat and stick were in his hand. "He has gone to sleep," +he informed her, "and is resting quietly. I am going to get a mouthful +of fresh air along the road. The housekeeper is with him. If he wakes +she'll call you. I will not be gone fifteen minutes. I've not been out +of the house for five days, and there's no danger."</p> + +<p>Breakfast had been laid in what the doctor spoke of as the glass-room. +This was an enclosed veranda, one side being of glass and opening by +French windows directly upon a little lawn that sloped away under the +apple-trees to the road. It was a charming apartment, an idea of a +sister of Dr. Pitts, who at one time had spent two years at Medford. +Lloyd breakfasted here alone, and it was here that Bennett found her.</p> + +<p>The one public carriage of Medford, a sort of four-seated carryall, that +met all the trains at the depot, had driven to the gate at the foot of +the yard, and had pulled up, the horses reeking and blowing. Even before +it had stopped, a tall, square-shouldered man had alighted, but it was +not until he was half-way up the gravel walk that Lloyd had recognised +him. Bennett caught sight of her at the same moment, and strode swiftly +across the lawn and came into the breakfast-room by one of the open +French windows. At once the room seemed to shrink in size; his first +step upon the floor—a step that was almost a stamp, so eager it was, so +masterful and resolute—set the panes of glass jarring in their frames. +Never had Bennett seemed more out of place than in this almost dainty +breakfast-room, with its small, feminine appurtenances, its fragile +glassware, its pots of flowers and growing plants. The incongruous +surroundings emphasized his every roughness, his every angularity. +Against its background of delicate, mild tints his figure loomed +suddenly colossal; the great span of his chest and shoulders seemed +never so huge. His face; the great, brutal jaw, with its aggressive, +bullying, forward thrust; the close-gripped lips, the contracted +forehead, the small eyes, marred with the sharply defined cast, appeared +never so harsh, never so massive, never so significant of the +resistless, crude force of the man, his energy, his overpowering +determination. As he towered there before her, one hand gripped upon a +chair-back, it seemed to her that the hand had but to close to crush the +little varnished woodwork to a splinter, and when he spoke Lloyd could +imagine that the fine, frail china of the table vibrated to the +deep-pitched bass of his voice.</p> + +<p>Lloyd had only to look at him once to know that Bennett was at the +moment aroused and agitated to an extraordinary degree. His face was +congested and flaming. Under his frown his eyes seemed flashing +veritable sparks; his teeth were set; in his temple a vein stood +prominent and throbbing. But Lloyd was not surprised. Bennett had, no +doubt, heard of Ferriss's desperate illness. Small wonder he was excited +when the life of his dearest friend was threatened. Lloyd could ignore +her own quarrel with Bennett at such a moment.</p> + +<p>"I am so sorry," she began, "that you could not have known sooner. But +you remember you left no address. There was—"</p> + +<p>"What are you doing here?" he broke in abruptly. "What is the +use—why—" he paused for a moment to steady his voice—"you can't stay +here," he went on. "Don't you know the risk you are running? You can't +stay here another moment."</p> + +<p>"That," answered Lloyd, smiling, "is a matter that is interesting +chiefly to me. I suppose you know that, Mr. Bennett."</p> + +<p>"I know that you are risking your life and—"</p> + +<p>"And that, too, is my affair."</p> + +<p>"I have made it mine," he responded quickly. "Oh," he exclaimed sharply, +striking the back of the chair with his open palm, "why must we always +be at cross-purposes with each other? I'm not good at talking. What is +the use of tangling ourselves with phrases? I love you, and I've come +out here to ask you, to beg you, you understand, to leave this house, +where you are foolishly risking your life. You must do it," he went on +rapidly. "I love you too well. Your life is too much to me to allow you +to hazard it senselessly, foolishly. There are other women, other +nurses, who can take your place. But you are not going to stay here."</p> + +<p>Lloyd felt her indignation rising.</p> + +<p>"This is my profession," she answered, trying to keep back her anger. "I +am here because it is my duty to be here." Then suddenly, as his +extraordinary effrontery dawned upon her, she exclaimed, rising to her +feet: "Do I need to explain to you what I do? I am here because I choose +to be here. That is enough. I don't care to go any further with such a +discussion as this."</p> + +<p>"You will not leave here, then?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>Bennett hesitated an instant, searching for his words, then:</p> + +<p>"I do not know how to ask favours. I've had little experience in that +sort of thing. You must know how hard it is for me, and you must +understand to what lengths I am driven then, when I entreat you, when I +beg of you, as humbly as it is possible for me to do so, to leave this +house, now—at once. There is a train to the City within the hour; some +one else can take your place before noon. We can telegraph; will you +go?"</p> + +<p>"You are absurd."</p> + +<p>"Lloyd, can't you see; don't you understand? It's as though I saw you +rushing toward a precipice with your eyes shut."</p> + +<p>"My place is here. I shall not leave."</p> + +<p>But Bennett's next move surprised her. His eagerness, his agitation left +him upon the instant He took out his watch.</p> + +<p>"I was wrong," he said quietly. "The next train will not go for an hour +and a quarter. There is more time than I supposed." Then, with as much +gentleness as he could command, he added: "Lloyd, you are going to take +that train?"</p> + +<p>"Now, you are becoming a little more than absurd," she answered. "I +don't know, Mr. Bennett, whether or not you intend to be offensive, but +I think you are succeeding rather well. You came to this house +uninvited; you invade a gentleman's private residence, and you attempt +to meddle and to interfere with me in the practice of my profession. If +you think you can impress me with heroics and declamation, please +correct yourself at once. You have only succeeded in making yourself a +little vulgar."</p> + +<p>"That may be true or not," he answered with an indifferent movement of +his shoulders. "It is all one to me. I have made up my mind that you +shall leave this house this morning, and believe me, Miss Searight, I +shall carry my point."</p> + +<p>For the moment Lloyd caught her breath. For the moment she saw clearly +with just what sort of man she had to deal. There was a conviction in +his manner—now that he had quieted himself—that suddenly appeared +unanswerable. It was like the slow, still moving of a piston.</p> + +<p>But the next moment her own character reasserted itself. She remembered +what she was herself. If he was determined, she was obstinate; if he was +resolved, she was stubborn; if he was powerful, she was unyielding. +Never had she conceded her point before; never had she allowed herself +to be thwarted in the pursuance of a course she believed to be right. +Was she, of all women, to yield now? The consciousness of her own power +of resistance came suddenly to her aid. Bennett was strong, but was she +not strong herself? Where under the blue sky was the power that could +break down her will? When death itself could not prevail against her, +what in life could shake her resolution?</p> + +<p>Suddenly the tremendous import of the moment, the magnitude of the +situation, flashed upon Lloyd. Both of them had staked everything upon +this issue. Two characters of extraordinary power clashed violently +together. There was to be no compromise, no half-measures. Either she or +Bennett must in the end be beaten. One of them was to be broken and +humbled beyond all retrieving. There in that commonplace little room, +with its trivial accessories, its inadequate background, a battle royal +swiftly prepared itself. With the abruptness of an explosion the crisis +developed.</p> + +<p>"Do I need to tell you," remarked Bennett, "that your life is rather +more to me than any other consideration in the world? Do you suppose +when the lives of every member of my command depended upon me I was any +less resolved to succeed than I am now? I succeeded then, and I shall +succeed now, now when there is much more at stake. I am not accustomed +to failure, and I shall not fail now. I assure you that I shall stop at +nothing."</p> + +<p>It was beyond Lloyd to retain her calmness under such aggression. It +seemed as though her self-respect demanded that she should lose her +temper.</p> + +<p>"And you think you can drive me as you drove your deck-hands?" she +exclaimed. "What have you to do with me? Am I your subordinate? Do you +think you can bully me? We are not in Kolyuchin Bay, Mr. Bennett."</p> + +<p>"You're the woman I love," he answered with an abrupt return of +vehemence, "and, by God! I shall stop at nothing to save your life."</p> + +<p>"And my love for you, that you pretend is so much to you, I suppose that +this is the means you take to awaken it. Admitting, for the moment, that +you could induce me to shirk my duty, how should I love you for it? Ask +yourself that."</p> + +<p>But Bennett had but one answer to all her words. He struck his fist into +the palm of his hand as he answered:</p> + +<p>"Your life is more to me than any other consideration."</p> + +<p>"But my life—how do you know it is a question of my life? Come, if we +are to quarrel, let us quarrel upon reasonable grounds. It does not +follow that I risk my life by staying—"</p> + +<p>"Leave the house first; we can talk of that afterward."</p> + +<p>"I have allowed you to talk too much already," she exclaimed angrily. +"Let us come to the bottom of things at once. I will not be influenced +nor cajoled nor bullied into leaving my post. Now, do you understand? +That is my final answer. You who were a commander, who were a leader of +men, what would you have done if one of your party had left his post at +a time of danger? I can tell you what you would have done—you would +have shot him, after first disgracing him, and now you would disgrace +me. Is it reasonable? Is it consistent?"</p> + +<p>Bennett snapped his fingers.</p> + +<p>"That for consistency!"</p> + +<p>"And you would be willing to disgrace me—to have me disgrace myself?"</p> + +<p>"Your life—" began Bennett again.</p> + +<p>But suddenly Lloyd flashed out upon him with: "My life! My life! Are +there not some things better than life? You, above all men, should +understand that much. Oh, be yourself, be the man I thought you were. +You have your code; let me have mine. You could not be what you are, you +could not have done what you did, if you had not set so many things +above merely your life. Admit that you could not have loved me unless +you believed that I could do the same. How could you still love me if +you knew I had failed in my duty? How could you still love me if you +knew that you had broken down my will? I know you better than you know +yourself. You loved me because you knew me to be strong and brave and to +be above petty deceptions and shams and subterfuges. And now you ask me +to fail, to give up, to shirk, and you tell me you do so because you +love me."</p> + +<p>"That is all so many words to me. I cannot argue with you, and there is +no time for it. I did not come here to—converse."</p> + +<p>Never in her life before had Lloyd been so angry as at that moment. The +sombre crimson of her cheeks had suddenly given place to an unwonted +paleness; even her dull-blue eyes, that so rarely sparkled, were all +alight. She straightened herself.</p> + +<p>"Very well, then," she answered quietly, "our conversation can stop +where it is. You will excuse me, Mr. Bennett, if I leave you. I have my +work to do."</p> + +<p>Bennett was standing between her and the door. He did not move. Very +gravely he said:</p> + +<p>"Don't. Please don't bring it—to that."</p> + +<p>Lloyd flashed a look at him, her eyes wide, exclaiming:</p> + +<p>"You don't mean—you don't dare—"</p> + +<p>"I tell you again that I mean to carry my point."</p> + +<p>"And I tell you that I shall <i>not</i> leave my patient."</p> + +<p>Bennett met her glance for an instant, and, holding her gaze with his, +answered but two words. Speaking in a low voice and with measured +slowness, he said:</p> + +<p>"You—shall."</p> + +<p>There was a silence. The two stood there, looking straight into one +another's eyes, their mutual opposition at its climax. The seconds began +to pass. The conflict between the man's aggression and the woman's +resistance reached its turning point. Before another word should be +spoken, before the minute should pass, one of the two must give ground.</p> + +<p>And then it was that Lloyd felt something breakdown within her, +something to which she could not put a name. A mysterious element of her +character, hitherto rigid and intact, was beginning at last to crumble. +Somewhere a breach had been opened; somewhere the barrier had been +undermined. The fine steadfastness that was hers, and that she had so +dearly prized, her strength in which she had gloried, her independence, +her splendid arrogant self-confidence and conscious power seemed all at +once to weaken before this iron resolve that shut its ears and eyes, +this colossal, untutored, savage intensity of purpose.</p> + +<p>And abruptly her eyes were opened, and the inherent weakness of her sex +became apparent to her. Was it a mistake, then? Could not a woman be +strong? Was her strength grafted upon elemental weakness—not her +individual weakness, but the weakness of her sex, the intended natural +weakness of the woman? Had she built her fancied impregnable fortress +upon sand?</p> + +<p>But habit was too strong. For an instant, brief as the opening and +shutting of an eye, a vision was vouchsafed to her, one of those swift +glimpses into unplumbed depths that come sometimes to the human mind in +the moments of its exaltation, but that are gone with such rapidity that +they may not be trusted. For an instant Lloyd saw deep down into the +black, mysterious gulf of sex—down, down, down where, immeasurably +below the world of little things, the changeless, dreadful machinery of +Life itself worked, clashing and resistless in its grooves. It was a +glimpse fortunately brief, a vision that does not come too often, lest +reason, brought to the edge of the abyss, grow giddy at the sight and, +reeling, topple headlong. But quick the vision passed, the gulf closed, +and she felt the firm ground again beneath her feet.</p> + +<p>"I shall not," she cried.</p> + +<p>Was it the same woman who had spoken but one moment before? Did her +voice ring with the same undaunted defiance? Was there not a note of +despair in her tones, a barely perceptible quaver, the symbol of her +wavering resolve? Was not the very fact that she must question her +strength proof positive that her strength was waning?</p> + +<p>But her courage was unshaken, even if her strength was breaking. To the +last she would strive, to the end she would hold her forehead high. Not +till the last hope had been tried would she acknowledge her defeat.</p> + +<p>"But in any case," she said, "risk is better than certainty. If I risk +my life by staying, it is certain that he will die if I leave him at +this critical moment."</p> + +<p>"So much the worse, then—you cannot stay."</p> + +<p>Lloyd stared at him in amazement.</p> + +<p>"It isn't possible; I don't believe you can understand. Do you know how +sick he is? Do you know that he is lying at the point of death at this +very moment, and that the longer I stay away from him the more his life +is in peril? Has he not rights as well as I; has he not a right to live? +It is not only my own humiliation that is at stake, it is the life of +your dearest friend, the man who stood by you, and helped you, and who +suffered the same hardships and privations as yourself."</p> + +<p>"What's that?" demanded Bennett with a sudden frown.</p> + +<p>"If I leave Mr. Ferriss now, if he is left alone here for so much as +half an hour, I will not answer—"</p> + +<p>"Ferriss! What are you talking about? What is your patient's name?"</p> + +<p>"Didn't you know?"</p> + +<p>"Ferriss! Dick Ferriss! Don't tell me it's Dick Ferriss."</p> + +<p>"I thought all the time you knew—that you had heard. Yes, it is Mr. +Ferriss."</p> + +<p>"Is he very sick? What is he doing out here? No, I had not heard; nobody +told me. Pitts was to write—to—to wire. Will he pull through? What's +the matter with him? Is it he who had typhoid?"</p> + +<p>"He is very dangerously ill. Dr. Pitts brought him here. This is his +house. We do not know if he will get well. It is only by watching him +every instant that we can hope for anything. At this moment there is no +one with him but a servant. <i>Now</i>, Mr. Bennett, am I to go to my +patient?"</p> + +<p>"But—but—we can get some one else."</p> + +<p>"Not before three hours, and it's only the truth when I tell you he may +die at any minute. Am I to go?"</p> + +<p>In a second of time the hideous situation leaped up before Bennett's +eyes. Right or wrong, the conviction that Lloyd was terribly imperilling +her life by remaining at her patient's bedside had sunk into his mind +and was not to be eradicated. It was a terror that had gripped him close +and that could not be reasoned away. But Ferriss? What of him? Now it +had brusquely transpired that his life, too, hung in the balance. How to +decide? How to meet this abominable complication wherein he must +sacrifice the woman he so dearly loved or the man who was the Damon to +his Pythias, the Jonathan to his David?</p> + +<p>"Am I to go?" repeated Lloyd for the third time.</p> + +<p>Bennett closed his eyes, clasping his head with both hands.</p> + +<p>"Great God, wait—wait—I can't think—I—I, oh, this is terrible!"</p> + +<p>Lloyd drove home her advantage mercilessly.</p> + +<p>"Wait? I tell you we can't wait."</p> + +<p>Then Bennett realised with a great spasm of horror that for him there +was no going back. All his life, accustomed to quick decisions in +moments of supreme peril, he took his decision now, facing, with such +courage as he could muster, its unspeakable consequences, consequences +that he knew must harry and hound him all the rest of his life. +Whichever way he decided, he opened his heart to the beak and talons of +a pitiless remorse. He could no longer see, in the dreadful confusion of +his mind, the right of things or the wrong of things, could not +accurately weigh chances or possibilities. For him only two alternatives +presented themselves, the death of Ferriss or the death of Lloyd. He +could see no compromise, could imagine no escape. It was as though a +headsman with ready axe stood at his elbow, awaiting his commands. And, +besides all this, he had long since passed the limit—though perhaps he +did not know it himself—where he could see anything but the point he +had determined to gain, the goal he had determined to reach. His mind +was made up. His furious energy, his resolve to conquer at all costs, +had become at last a sort of directed frenzy. The engine he had set in +motion was now beyond his control. He could not now—whether he would or +no—reverse its action, swerve it from its iron path, call it back from +the monstrous catastrophe toward which it was speeding him.</p> + +<p>"God help us all!" he muttered.</p> + +<p>"Well," said Lloyd expectantly.</p> + +<p>Bennett drew a deep breath, his hands falling helplessly at his sides. +In a way he appeared suddenly bowed; the great frame of bone and sinew +seemed in some strange, indefinable manner to shrink, to stagger under +the sudden assumption of an intolerable burden—a burden that was never +to be lifted.</p> + +<p>Even then, however, Bennett still believed in the wisdom of his course, +still believed himself to be right. But, right or wrong, he now must go +forward. Was it fate, was it doom, was it destiny?</p> + +<p>Bennett's entire life had been spent in the working out of great ideas +in the face of great obstacles; continually he had been called upon to +overcome enormous difficulties with enormous strength. For long periods +of time he had been isolated from civilisation, had been face to face +with the simple, crude forces of an elemental world—forces that were to +be combated and overthrown by means no less simple and crude than +themselves. He had lost the faculty, possessed, no doubt, by smaller +minds, of dealing with complicated situations. To resort to expedients, +to make concessions, was all beyond him. For him a thing was absolutely +right or absolutely wrong, and between the two there was no gradation. +For so long a time had he looked at the larger, broader situations of +life that his mental vision had become all deformed and confused. He saw +things invariably magnified beyond all proportion, or else dwarfed to a +littleness that was beneath consideration. Normal vision was denied him. +It was as though he studied the world through one or the other ends of a +telescope, and when, as at present, his emotions were aroused, matters +were only made the worse. The idea that Ferriss might recover, though +Lloyd should leave him at this moment, hardly presented itself to his +mind. He was convinced that if Lloyd went away Ferriss would die; Lloyd +had said as much herself. The hope that Lloyd might, after all, nurse +him through his sickness without danger to herself was so remote that he +did not consider it for one instant. If Lloyd remained she, like the +other nurse, would contract the disease and die.</p> + +<p>These were the half-way measures Bennett did not understand, the +expedients he could no longer see. It was either Lloyd or Ferriss. He +must choose between them.</p> + +<p>Bennett went to the door of the room, closed it and leaned against it.</p> + +<p>"No," he said.</p> + +<p>Lloyd was stricken speechless. For the instant she shrank before him as +if from a murderer. Bennett now knew precisely the terrible danger in +which he left the man who was his dearest friend. Would he actually +consent to his death? It was almost beyond belief, and for the moment +Lloyd herself quailed before him. Her first thoughts were not of +herself, but of Ferriss. If he was Bennett's friend he was her friend +too. At that very moment he might be dying for want of her care. She was +fast becoming desperate. For the moment she could put all thought of +herself and of her own dignity in the background.</p> + +<p>"What is it you want?" she cried. "Is it my humiliation you ask? Well, +then, you have it. It is as hard for me to ask favours as it is for you. +I am as proud as you, but I entreat you, you hear me, as humbly as I +can, to let me go. What do you want more than that? Oh, can't you +understand? While we talk here, while you keep me here, he may be dying. +Is it a time for arguments, is it a time for misunderstandings, is it a +time to think of ourselves, of our own lives, our own little affairs?" +She clasped her hands. "Will you please—can I, can I say more than +that; will you please let me go?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>With a great effort Lloyd tried to regain her self-control. She paused a +moment, then:</p> + +<p>"Listen!" she said. "You say that you love me; that I am more to you +than even Mr. Ferriss, your truest friend. I do not wish to think of +myself at such a time as this, but supposing that you should make +me—that I should consent to leave my patient. Think of me then, +afterward. Can I go back there to the house, the house that I built? Can +I face the women of my profession? What would they think of me? What +would my friends think of me—I who have held my head so high? You will +ruin my life. I should have to give up my profession. Oh, can't you see +in what position you would place me?" Suddenly the tears sprang to her +eyes. "No!" she cried vehemently. "No, no, no, I will not, I will not be +disgraced!"</p> + +<p>"I have no wish to disgrace you," answered Bennett. "It is strange for +you to say that to me, if I love you so well that I can give up Ferriss +for—"</p> + +<p>"Then, if you love me so much as that, there must be one thing that you +would set even above my life. Do you wish to make me hate you?"</p> + +<p>"There is nothing in the world more to me than your life; you know that. +How can you think it of me?"</p> + +<p>"Because you don't understand—because you don't know that—oh, that I +love you! I—no—I didn't mean—I didn't mean—"</p> + +<p>What had she said? What had happened? How was it that the words that +yesterday she would have been ashamed to so much as whisper to herself +had now rushed to her lips almost of their own accord? After all those +years of repression, suddenly the sweet, dim thought she had hidden in +her secretest heart's heart had leaped to light and to articulate words. +Unasked, unbidden, she had told him that she loved him. She, she had +done this thing when, but a few moments before, her anger against him +had shaken her to her very finger-tips. The hot, intolerable shame of it +smote like fire into her face. Her world was cracking about her ears; +everything she had prized the dearest was being torn from her, +everything she had fancied the strongest was being overthrown. Had she, +she who had held herself so proud and high, come at last to this?</p> + +<p>Swiftly she turned from him and clasped her hands before her eyes and +sank down into the chair she had quitted, bowing her head upon her arms, +hiding her face, shutting herself from the light of day, quivering and +thrilling with an agony of shame and with an utter, an abject +self-contempt that was beyond all power of expression. But the instant +she felt Bennett's touch upon her shoulder she sprang up as if a knife +had pierced her, and shrank from him, turning her head away, her hand, +palm outward, before her eyes.</p> + +<p>"Oh, please!" she begged piteously, almost inarticulately in the stress +of her emotion, "don't—if you are a man—don't take advantage—please, +please don't touch me. Let me go away."</p> + +<p>She was talking to deaf ears. In two steps Bennett had reached her side +and had taken her in his arms. Lloyd could not resist. Her vigour of +body as well as of mind was crushed and broken and beaten down; and why +was it that in spite of her shame, that in spite of her unutterable +self-reproach, the very touch of her cheek upon his shoulder was a +comfort? Why was it that to feel herself carried away in the rush of +this harsh, impetuous, masculine power was a happiness? Why was it that +to know that her prided fortitude and hitherto unshaken power were being +overwhelmed and broken with a brutal, ruthless strength was an +exultation and a glory? Why was it that she who but a moment before +quailed from his lightest touch now put her arms about his neck and +clung to him with a sense of protection and of refuge, the need of which +she had always and until that very moment disdained?</p> + +<p>"Why should you be sorry because you spoke?" said Bennett. "I knew that +you loved me and you knew that I loved you. What does it matter if you +said it or did not say it? We know each other, you and I. We understand. +You knew that I loved you. You think that I have been strong and +determined, and have done the things I set out to do; what I am is what +you made me. What I have done I have done because I thought you would +approve. Do you think I would have come back if I had not known that I +was coming back to you?" Suddenly an impatient exclamation escaped him, +and his clasp about her tightened. "Oh! words—the mere things that one +can <i>say</i>, seem so pitiful, so miserably inadequate. Don't you know, +can't you feel what you are to me? Tell me, do you think I love you?"</p> + +<p>But she could not bear to meet his glance just yet. Her eyes were +closed, and she could only nod her head.</p> + +<p>But Bennett took her head in both his hands and turned her face to his. +Even yet she kept her eyes closed.</p> + +<p>"Lloyd," he said, and his voice was almost a command; "Lloyd, look at +me. Do you love me?"</p> + +<p>She drew a deep breath. Then her sweet dull-blue eyes opened, and +through the tears that brimmed them and wet her lashes she looked at him +and met his glance fearlessly and almost proudly, and her voice trembled +and vibrated with an infinite tenderness as she answered:</p> + +<p>"I do love you, Ward; love you with all my heart."</p> + +<p>Then, after a pause, she said, drawing a little from him and resting a +hand upon either shoulder:</p> + +<p>"But listen, dear; we must not think of ourselves now. We must think of +him, so sick and weak and helpless. This is a terrible moment in our +lives. I don't know why it has come to us. I don't know why it should +all have happened as it has this morning. Just a few moments ago I was +angry as I never was in my life before—and at you—and now it seems to +me that I never was so happy; I don't know myself any more. Everything +is confused; all we can do is to hold to what we know is right and trust +that everything will be well in the end. It is a crisis, isn't it? And +all our lives and all our happiness depend upon how we meet it. I am all +different now. I am not the woman I was a half-hour ago. You must be +brave for me now, and you must be strong for me and help me to do my +duty. We must live up to the best that is in us and do what we think is +right, no matter what risks we run, no matter what the consequences are. +I would not have asked you to help me before—before what has +happened—but now I need your help. You have said I helped you to be +brave; help me to be brave now, and to do what I know is right."</p> + +<p>But Bennett was still blind. If she had been dear to him before, how +doubly so had she become since she had confessed her love for him! +Ferriss was forgotten, ignored. He could not let her go, he could not +let her run the slightest risk. Was he to take any chance of losing her +now? He shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Ward!" she exclaimed with deep and serious earnestness. "If you do not +wish me to risk my life by going to my post, be careful, oh, be very +careful, that you do not risk something that is more to us both than +life itself, by keeping me from it. Do you think I could love you so +deeply and so truly as I do if I had not kept my standards high; if I +had not believed in the things that were better than life, and stronger +than death, and dearer to me than even love itself? There are some +things I cannot do: I cannot be false, I cannot be cowardly, I cannot +shirk my duty. Now I am helpless in your hands. You have conquered, and +you can do with me as you choose. But if you make me do what is false, +and what is cowardly, and what is dishonourable; if you stand between me +and what I know is my duty, how can I love you, how can I love you?"</p> + +<p>Persistently, perversely, Bennett stopped his ears to every +consideration, to every argument. She wished to hazard her life. That +was all he understood.</p> + +<p>"No, Lloyd," he answered, "you must not do it."</p> + +<p>"—and I want to love you," she went on, as though she had not heard. "I +want you to be everything to me. I have trusted you so long—had faith +in you so long, I don't want to think of you as the man who failed me +when I most needed his help, who made me do the thing that was +contemptible and unworthy. Believe me," she went on with sudden energy, +"you will kill my love for you if you persist."</p> + +<p>But before Bennett could answer there was a cry.</p> + +<p>"It is the servant," exclaimed Lloyd quickly. "She has been +watching—there in the room with him."</p> + +<p>"Nurse—Miss Searight," came the cry, "quick—there is something +wrong—I don't know—oh, hurry!"</p> + +<p>"Do you hear?" cried Lloyd. "It is the crisis—he may be dying. Oh, +Ward, it is the man you love! We can save him." She stamped her foot in +the frenzy of her emotion, her hands twisting together. "I <i>will</i> go. I +forbid you to keep—to hinder—to—to, oh, what is to become of us? If +you love me, if you love him—<i>Ward, will you let me go?</i>"</p> + +<p>Bennett put his hands over his ears, his eyes closed. In the horror of +that moment, when he realised that no matter how he might desire it he +could not waver in his resolution, it seemed to him that his reason must +give way. But he set his back to the door, his hand gripped tight upon +the knob, and through his set teeth his answer came as before:</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Nurse—Miss Searight, where are you? Hurry, oh, hurry!"</p> + +<p>"Will you let me go?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>Lloyd caught at his hand, shut so desperately upon the knob, striving to +loosen his clasp. She hardly knew what she was doing; she threw her arms +about his neck, imploring, commanding, now submissive, now imperious, +her voice now vibrating with anger, now trembling with passionate +entreaty.</p> + +<p>"You are not only killing him, you are killing my love for you; will you +let me go—the love that is so dear to me? Let me love you, Ward; listen +to me; don't make me hate you; let me love you, dear—"</p> + +<p>"Hurry, oh, hurry!"</p> + +<p>"Let me love you; let him live. I want to love you. It's the best +happiness in my life. Let me be happy. Can't you see what this moment is +to mean for us? It is our happiness or wretchedness forever. Will you +let me go?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"For the last time, Ward, listen! It is my love for you and his life. +Don't crush us both—yes, and yourself. You who can, who are so +powerful, don't trample all our happiness under foot."</p> + +<p>"Hurry, hurry; oh, will nobody come to help?"</p> + +<p>"Will you let me go?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>Her strength seemed all at once to leave her. All the fabric of her +character, so mercilessly assaulted, appeared in that moment to reel, +topple, and go crashing to its wreck. She was shattered, broken, +humbled, and beaten down to the dust. Her pride was gone, her faith in +herself was gone, her fine, strong energy was gone. The pity of it, the +grief of it; all that she held dearest; her fine and confident +steadfastness; the great love that had brought such happiness into her +life—that had been her inspiration, all torn from her and tossed aside +like chaff. And her patient—Ferriss, the man who loved her, who had +undergone such suffering, such hardship, who trusted her and whom it was +her duty to nurse back to life and health—if he should perish for want +of her care, then what infinite sorrow, then what endless remorse, then +what long agony of unavailing regret! Her world, her universe grew dark +to her; she was driven from her firm stand. She was lost, she was +whirled away—away with the storm, landmarks obliterated, lights gone; +away with the storm; out into the darkness, out into the void, out into +the waste places and wilderness and trackless desolation.</p> + +<p>"Hurry, oh, hurry!"</p> + +<p>It was too late. She had failed; the mistake had been made, the question +had been decided. That insensate, bestial determination, iron-hearted, +iron-strong, had beaten down opposition, had carried its point. Life and +love had been crushed beneath its trampling without pity, without +hesitation. The tragedy of the hour was done; the tragedy of the long +years to come was just beginning.</p> + +<p>Lloyd sank down in the chair before the table, and the head that she had +held so high bowed down upon her folded arms. The violence of her grief +shook her from head to foot like a dry, light reed. Her heart seemed +literally to be breaking. She must set her teeth with all her strength +to keep from groaning aloud, from crying out in her hopeless sorrow her +impotent shame and despair.</p> + +<p>Once more came the cry for help. Then the house fell silent. The minutes +passed. But for Lloyd's stifled grief there was no sound. +Bennett—leaning heavily against the door, his great shoulders stooping +and bent, his face ashen, his eyes fixed—did not move. He did not speak +to Lloyd. There was no word of comfort he could address to her—that +would have seemed the last mockery. He had prevailed, as he knew he +should, as he knew he must, when once his resolve was taken. The force +that, once it was unleashed, was beyond him to control, had accomplished +its purpose. His will remained unbroken; but at what cost? However, that +was for future consideration. The costs? Had he not his whole life +before him in which to count them? The present moment still called upon +him to act. He looked at his watch.</p> + +<p>The next quarter of an hour was all a confusion to him. Its incidents +refused to define themselves upon his memory when afterward he tried to +recall them. He could remember, however, that when he helped Lloyd into +the carryall that was to take her to the depot in the village she had +shrunk from his touch and had drawn away from him as if from a +criminal—a murderer. He placed her satchel on the front seat with the +driver, and got up beside the driver himself. She had drawn her veil +over her face, and during the drive sat silent and motionless.</p> + +<p>"Can you make it?" asked Bennett of the driver, watch in hand. The time +was of the shortest, but the driver put the whip to his horses and, at a +run, they reached the railway station a few moments ahead of time. +Bennett told the driver to wait, and while Lloyd remained in her place +he bought her ticket for the City. Then he went to the telegraph office +and sent a peremptory despatch to the house on Calumet Square.</p> + +<p>A few moments later the train had come and gone, an abrupt eruption of +roaring iron and shrieking steam. Bennett was left on the platform +alone, watching it lessen to a smoky blur where the rails converged +toward the horizon. For an instant he stood watching, watching a +resistless, iron-hearted force whirling her away, out of his reach, out +of his life. Then he shook himself, turning sharply about.</p> + +<p>"Back to the doctor's house, now," he commanded the driver; "on the run, +you understand."</p> + +<p>But the other protested. His horses were all but exhausted. Twice they +had covered that distance at top speed and under the whip. He refused to +return. Bennett took the young man by the arm and lifted him from his +seat to the ground. Then he sprang to his place and lashed the horses to +a gallop.</p> + +<p>When he arrived at Dr. Pitts's house he did not stop to tie the horses, +but threw the reins over their backs and entered the front hall, out of +breath and panting. But the doctor, during Bennett's absence, had +returned, and it was he who met him half-way up the stairs.</p> + +<p>"How is he?" demanded Bennett. "I have sent for another nurse; she will +be out here on the next train. I wired from the station."</p> + +<p>"The only objection to that," answered the doctor, looking fixedly at +him, "is that it is not necessary. Mr. Ferriss has just died."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="VII" id="VII"></a>VII.</h2> + + +<p>Throughout her ride from Medford to the City it was impossible for +Lloyd, so great was the confusion in her mind, to think connectedly. She +had been so fiercely shocked, so violently shattered and weakened, that +for a time she lacked the power and even the desire to collect and to +concentrate her scattering thoughts. For the time being she felt, but +only dimly, that a great blow had fallen, that a great calamity had +overwhelmed her, but so extraordinary was the condition of her mind that +more than once she found herself calmly awaiting the inevitable moment +when the full extent of the catastrophe would burst upon her. For the +moment she was merely tired. She was willing even to put off this +reaction for a while, willing to remain passive and dizzied and +stupefied, resigning herself helplessly and supinely to the swift +current of events.</p> + +<p>Yet while that part of her mind which registered the greater, deeper, +and more lasting impressions remained inactive, the smaller faculty, +that took cognisance of the little, minute-to-minute matters, was as +busy and bright as ever. It appeared that the blow had been struck over +this latter faculty, and not, as one so often supposes, through it. She +seemed in that hour to understand the reasonableness of this phenomenon, +that before had always appeared so inexplicable, and saw how great +sorrow as well as great joy strikes only at the greater machinery of the +brain, overpassing and ignoring the little wheels and cogs, that work on +as briskly as ever in storm or calm, being moved only by temporary and +trivial emotions and impressions.</p> + +<p>So it was that for upward of an hour while the train carried her swiftly +back to the City, Lloyd sat quietly in her place, watching the landscape +rushing past her and cut into regular divisions by the telegraph poles +like the whirling pictures of a kinetoscope. She noted, and even with +some particularity, the other passengers—a young girl in a smart +tailor-made gown reading a book, cutting the leaves raggedly with a +hairpin; a well-groomed gentleman with a large stomach, who breathed +loudly through his nose; the book agent with his oval boxes of dried +figs and endless thread of talk; a woman with a little boy who wore +spectacles and who was continually making unsteady raids upon the +water-cooler, and the brakeman and train conductor laughing and chatting +in the forward seat.</p> + +<p>She took an interest in every unusual feature of the country through +which the train was speeding, and noted each stop or increase of speed. +She found a certain diversion, as she had often done before, in watching +for the mile-posts and in keeping count of the miles. She even asked the +conductor at what time the train would reach the City, and uttered a +little murmur of vexation when she was told that it was a half-hour +late. The next instant she was asking herself why this delay should seem +annoying to her. Then, toward the close of the afternoon, came the City +itself. First a dull-gray smudge on the horizon, then a world of grimy +streets, rows of miserable tenements festooned with rags, then a tunnel +or two, and at length the echoing glass-arched terminal of the station. +Lloyd alighted, and, remembering that the distance was short, walked +steadily toward her destination till the streets and neighbourhood +became familiar. Suddenly she came into the square. Directly opposite +was the massive granite front of the agency. She paused abruptly. She +was returning to the house after abandoning her post. What was she to +say to them, the other women of her profession?</p> + +<p>Then all at once came the reaction. Instantly the larger machinery of +the mind resumed its functions, the hurt of the blow came back. With a +fierce wrench of pain, the wound reopened, full consciousness returned. +Lloyd remembered then that she had proved false to her trust at a moment +of danger, that Ferriss would probably die because of what she had done, +that her strength of will and of mind wherein she had gloried was broken +beyond redemption; that Bennett had failed her, that her love for him, +the one great happiness of her life, was dead and cold and could never +be revived, and that in the eyes of the world she stood dishonoured and +disgraced.</p> + +<p>Now she must enter that house, now she must face its inmates, her +companions. What to say to them? How explain her defection? How tell +them that she had not left her post of her own will? Lloyd fancied +herself saying in substance that the man who loved her and whom she +loved had made her abandon her patient. She set her teeth. No, not that +confession of miserable weakness; not that of all things. And yet the +other alternative, what was that? It could be only that she had been +afraid—she, Lloyd Searight! Must she, who had been the bravest of them +all, stand before that little band of devoted women in the light of a +self-confessed coward?</p> + +<p>She remembered the case of the young English woman, Harriet Freeze, who, +when called upon to nurse a smallpox patient, had been found wanting in +courage at the crucial moment, and had discovered an excuse for leaving +her post. Miss Freeze had been expelled dishonourably from the midst of +her companions. And now she, Lloyd, standing apparently convicted of the +same dishonour, must face the same tribunal. There was no escape. She +must enter that house, she must endure that ordeal, and this at +precisely the time when her resolution had been shattered, her will +broken, her courage daunted. For a moment the idea of flight suggested +itself to her—she would avoid the issue. She would hide from reproach +and contumely, and without further explanation go back to her place in +the country at Bannister. But the little exigencies of her position made +this impossible. Besides her nurse's bag, her satchel was the only +baggage she had at that moment, and she knew that there was but little +money in her purse.</p> + +<p>All at once she realised that while debating the question she had been +sitting on one of the benches under the trees in the square. The sun was +setting; evening was coming on. Maybe if she waited until six o'clock +she could enter the house while the other nurses were at supper, gain +her room unobserved, then lock herself in and deny herself to all +callers. But Lloyd made a weary, resigned movement of her shoulders. +Sooner or later she must meet them all eye to eye. It would be only +putting off the humiliation.</p> + +<p>She rose, and, turning to the house, began to walk slowly toward it. Why +put it off? It would be as hard at one time as another. But so great was +her sense of shame that even as she walked she fancied that the very +passers-by, the loungers on the benches around the fountain, must know +that here was a disgraced woman. Was it not apparent in her very face, +in the very uncertainty of her gait? She told herself she had not done +wisely to sit even for a moment upon the bench she had just quitted. She +wondered if she had been observed, and furtively glanced about her. +There! Was not that nursemaid studying her too narrowly? And the +policeman close at hand, was he not watching her quizzically? She +quickened her gait, moved with a sudden impulse to get out of sight, to +hide within doors—where? In the house? There where, so soon as she set +foot in it, her companions, the other nurses, must know her dishonour? +Where was she to go? Where to turn? What was to become of her?</p> + +<p>But she <i>must</i> go to the house. It was inevitable. She went forward, as +it were, step by step. That little journey across the square under the +elms and cottonwoods was for her a veritable <i>chemin de la croix</i>. Every +step was an agony; every yard covered only brought her nearer the time +and place of exposure. It was all the more humiliating because she knew +that her impelling motive was not one of duty. There was nothing lofty +in the matter—nothing self-sacrificing. She went back because she had +to go back. Little material necessities, almost ludicrous in their +pettiness, forced her on.</p> + +<p>As she came nearer she looked cautiously at the windows of the agency. +Who would be the first to note her home-coming? Would it be Miss +Douglass, or Esther Thielman, or Miss Bergyn, the superintendent nurse? +What would first be said to her? With what words would she respond? Then +how the news of the betrayal of her trust would flash from room to room! +How it would be discussed, how condemned, how deplored! Not one of the +nurses of that little band but would not feel herself hurt by what she +had done—by what she had been forced to do. And the news of her failure +would spread to all her acquaintances and friends throughout the City. +Dr. Street would know it; every physician to whom she had hitherto been +so welcome an aid would know it. In all the hospitals it would be a nine +days' gossip. Campbell would hear of it, and Hattie.</p> + +<p>All at once, within thirty feet of the house, Lloyd turned about and +walked rapidly away from it. The movement was all but involuntary; every +instinct in her, every sense of shame, brusquely revolted. It was +stronger than she. A power, for the moment irresistible, dragged her +back from that doorway. Once entering here, she left all hope behind. +Yet the threshold must be crossed, yet the hope must be abandoned.</p> + +<p>She felt that if she faced about now a second time she would indeed +attract attention. So, while her cheeks flamed hot at the meanness, the +miserable ridiculousness of the imposture, she assumed a brisk, +determined gait, as though she knew just where she were going, and, +turning out of the square down a by-street, walked around the block, +even stopping once or twice before a store, pretending an interest in +the display. It seemed to her that by now everybody in the streets must +have noted that there was something wrong with her. Twice as a passer-by +brushed past her she looked back to see if he was watching her. How to +live through the next ten minutes? If she were only in her room, bolted +in, locked and double-locked in. Why was there not some back way through +which she could creep to that seclusion?</p> + +<p>And so it was that Lloyd came back to the house she had built, to the +little community she had so proudly organised, to the agency she had +founded, and with her own money endowed and supported.</p> + +<p>At last she found herself at the bottom of the steps, her foot upon the +lowest one, her hand clasping the heavy bronze rail. There was no going +back now. She went up and pushed the button of the electric bell, and +then, the step once taken, the irrevocable once dared, something like +the calmness of resignation came to her. There was no help for it. Now +for the ordeal. Rownie opened the door for her with a cheery welcome. +Lloyd was dimly conscious that the girl said something about her mail, +and that she was just in time for supper. But the hall and stairway were +deserted and empty, while from the dining-room came a subdued murmur of +conversation and the clink of dishes. The nurses were at supper, as +Lloyd had hoped. The moment favoured her, and she brushed by Rownie, and +almost ran, panic-stricken and trembling, up the stairs.</p> + +<p>She gained the hall of the second floor. There was the door of her room +standing ajar. With a little gasp of infinite relief, she hurried to it, +entered, shut and locked and bolted it behind her, and, casting her +satchel and handbag from her, flung herself down upon the great couch, +and buried her head deep among the cushions.</p> + +<p>At Lloyd's abrupt entrance Miss Douglass turned about from the +book-shelves in an angle of the room and stared a moment in no little +surprise. Then she exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Why, Lloyd, why, what is it—what is the matter?"</p> + +<p>Lloyd sprang up sharply at the sound of her voice, and then sank down to +a sitting posture upon the edge of the couch. Quietly enough she said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, is it you? I didn't know—expect to find any one—"</p> + +<p>"You don't mind, do you? I just ran in to get a book—something to read. +I've had a headache all day, and didn't go down to supper."</p> + +<p>Lloyd nodded. "Of course—I don't mind," she said, a little wearily.</p> + +<p>"But tell me," continued the fever nurse, "whatever is the matter? When +you came in just now—I never saw you so—oh, I understand, your case at +Medford—"</p> + +<p>Lloyd's hands closed tight upon the edge of the couch.</p> + +<p>"No one could have got a patient through when the fever had got as far +as that," continued the other. "This must have been the fifth or sixth +week. The second telegram came just in time to prevent my going. I was +just going out of the door when the boy came with it."</p> + +<p>"You? What telegram?" inquired Lloyd.</p> + +<p>"Yes, I was on call. The first despatch asking for another extra nurse +came about two o'clock. The four-twenty was the first train I could have +taken—the two-forty-five express is a through train and don't stop at +Medford—and, as I say, I was just going out of the door when Dr. +Pitts's second despatch came, countermanding the first, and telling us +that the patient had died. It seems that it was one of the officers of +the Freja expedition. We didn't know—"</p> + +<p>"Died?" interrupted Lloyd, looking fixedly at her.</p> + +<p>"But Lloyd, you mustn't take it so to heart. You couldn't have got him +through. No one could at that time. He was probably dying when you were +sent for. We must all lose a case now and then."</p> + +<p>"Died?" repeated Lloyd; "Dr. Pitts wired that Mr. Ferriss died?"</p> + +<p>"Yes; it was to prevent my coming out there uselessly. He must have sent +the wire quite an hour before you left. It was very thoughtful of him."</p> + +<p>"He's dead," said Lloyd in a low, expressionless voice, looking vacantly +about the room. "Mr. Ferriss is dead." Then suddenly she put a fist to +either temple, horror-struck and for the moment shaken with hysteria +from head to foot, her eyes widening with an expression almost of +terror. "Dead!" she cried. "Oh, it's horrible! Why didn't I—why +couldn't I—"</p> + +<p>"I know just how you feel," answered Miss Douglass soothingly. "I am +that way myself sometimes. It's not professional, I know, but when you +have been successful in two or three bad cases you think you can always +win; and then when you lose the next case you believe that somehow it +must have been your fault—that if you had been a little more careful at +just that moment, or done a little different in that particular point, +you might have saved your patient. But you, of all people, ought not to +feel like that. If you could not have saved your case nobody could."</p> + +<p>"It was just because I had the case that it was lost."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense, Lloyd; don't talk like that. You've not had enough sleep; +your nerves have been over-strained. You're worn out and a little +hysterical and morbid. Now lie down and keep quiet, and I'll bring you +your supper. You need a good night's sleep and bromide of potassium."</p> + +<p>When she had gone Lloyd rose to her feet and drew her hand wearily +across her eyes. The situation adjusted itself in her mind. After the +first recoil of horror at Ferriss's death she was able to see the false +position in which she stood. She had been so certain already that +Ferriss would die, leaving him as she did at so critical a moment, that +now the sharpness of Miss Douglass's news was blunted a little. She had +only been unprepared for the suddenness of the shock. But now she +understood clearly how Miss Douglass had been deceived by circumstances. +The fever nurse had heard of Ferriss's death early in the afternoon, and +supposed, of course, that Lloyd had left the case <i>after</i>, and not +before, it had occurred. This was the story the other nurses would +believe. Instantly, in the flood of grief and remorse and humiliation +that had overwhelmed her, Lloyd caught at this straw of hope. Only Dr. +Pitts and Bennett knew the real facts. Bennett, of course, would not +speak, and Lloyd knew that the physician would understand the cruelty +and injustice of her situation, and because of that would also keep +silence. To make sure of this she could write him a letter, or, better +still, see him personally. It would be hard to tell him the truth. But +that was nothing when compared with the world's denunciation of her.</p> + +<p>If she had really been false to her charge, if she had actually flinched +and faltered at the crucial moment, had truly been the coward, this +deception which had been thrust upon her at the moment of her return to +the house, this part which it was so easy to play, would have been a +hideous and unspeakable hypocrisy. But Lloyd had not faltered, had not +been false. In her heart of hearts she had been true to herself and to +her trust. How would she deceive her companions then by allowing them to +continue in the belief of her constancy, fidelity, and courage? What she +hid from them, or rather what they could not see, was a state of things +that it was impossible for any one but herself to understand. She could +not—no woman could—bring herself to confess to another woman what had +happened that day at Medford. It would be believed that she could have +stayed at her patient's bedside if she had so desired. No one who did +not know Bennett could understand the terrible, vast force of the man.</p> + +<p>Try as she would, Lloyd could not but think first of herself at this +moment. Bennett was ignored, forgotten. Once she had loved him, but that +was all over now. The thought of Ferriss's death, for which in a manner +she had been forced to be responsible, came rushing to her mind from +time to time, and filled her with a horror and, at times, even a +perverse sense of remorse, almost beyond words. But Lloyd's pride, her +self-confidence, her strength of character and independence had been +dearer to her than almost anything in life. So she told herself, and, at +that moment, honestly believed. And though she knew that her pride had +been humbled, it was not gone, and enough of it remained to make her +desire and strive to keep the fact a secret from the world. It seemed +very easy. She would only have to remain passive. Circumstances acted +for her.</p> + +<p>Miss Douglass returned, followed by Rownie carrying a tray. When the +mulatto had gone, after arranging Lloyd's supper on a little table near +the couch, the fever nurse drew up a chair.</p> + +<p>"Now we can talk," she said, "unless you are too tired. I've been so +interested in this case at Medford. Tell me what was the immediate cause +of death; was it perforation or just gradual collapse?"</p> + +<p>"It was neither," said Lloyd quickly. "It was a hemorrhage."</p> + +<p>She had uttered the words with as little consciousness as a phonograph, +and the lie had escaped her before she was aware. How did she know what +had been the immediate cause of death? What right had she to speak? Why +was it that all at once a falsehood had come so easy to her, to her +whose whole life until then had been so sincere, so genuine?</p> + +<p>"A hemorrhage?" repeated the other. "Had there been many before then? +Was there coma vigil when the end came? I—"</p> + +<p>"Oh," cried Lloyd with a quick gesture of impatience, "don't, don't ask +me any more. I am tired—nervous; I am worn out."</p> + +<p>"Yes, of course you must be," answered the fever nurse. "We won't talk +any more about it."</p> + +<p>That night and the following day were terrible. Lloyd neither ate nor +slept. Not once did she set foot out of her room, giving out that she +was ill, which was not far from the truth, and keeping to herself and to +the companionship of the thoughts and terrors that crowded her mind. +Until that day at Medford her life had run easily and happily and in +well-ordered channels. She was successful in her chosen profession and +work. She imagined herself to be stronger and of finer fibre than most +other women, and her love for Bennett had lent a happiness and a +sweetness to her life dear to her beyond all words. Suddenly, and within +an hour's time, she had lost everything. Her will had been broken, her +spirit crushed; she had been forced to become fearfully instrumental in +causing the death of her patient—a man who loved and trusted her—while +her love for Bennett, which for years had been her deep and abiding joy, +the one great influence of her life, was cold and dead, and could never +be revived.</p> + +<p>This in the end came to be Lloyd's greatest grief. She could forget that +she herself had been humbled and broken. Horrible, unspeakably horrible, +as Ferriss's death seemed to her, it was upon Bennett, and not upon her, +that its responsibility must be laid. She had done what she could. Of +that she was assured. But, first and above all things, Lloyd was a +woman, and her love for Bennett was a very different matter.</p> + +<p>When, during that never-to-be-forgotten scene in the breakfast-room of +the doctor's house, she had warned Bennett that if he persisted in his +insane resolution he would stamp out her affection for him, Lloyd had +only half believed what she said. But when at last it dawned upon her +that she had spoken wiser than she knew, that this was actually true, +and that now, no matter how she might desire it, she could not love him +any longer, it seemed as though her heart must break. It was precisely +as though Bennett himself, the Bennett she had known, had been blotted +out of existence. It was much worse than if Bennett had merely died. +Even then he would have still existed for her, somewhere. As it was, the +man she had known simply ceased to be, irrevocably, finally, and the +warmth of her love dwindled and grew cold, because now there was nothing +left for it to feed upon.</p> + +<p>Never until then had Lloyd realised how much he had been to her; how he +had not only played so large a part in her life, but how he had become a +very part of her life itself. Her love for him had been like the air, +like the sunlight; was delicately knitted and intertwined into all the +innumerable intricacies of her life and character. Literally, not an +hour had ever passed that, directly or indirectly, he had not occupied +her thoughts. He had been her inspiration; he had made her want to be +brave and strong and determined, and it was because of him that the +greater things of the world interested her. She had chosen a work to be +done because he had set her an example. So only that she preserved her +womanliness, she, too, wanted to count, to help on, to have her place in +the world's progress. In reality all her ambitions and hopes had been +looking toward one end only, that she might be his equal; that he might +find in her a companion and a confidante; one who could share his +enthusiasms and understand his vast projects and great aims.</p> + +<p>And how had he treated her when at last opportunity had been given her +to play her part, to be courageous and strong, to prevail against great +odds, while he stood by to see? He had ignored and misunderstood, and +tossed aside as childish and absurd that which she had been building up +for years. Instead of appreciating her heroism he had forced her to +become a coward in the eyes of the world. She had hoped to be his equal, +and he had treated her as a school-girl. It had all been a mistake. She +was not and could not be the woman she had hoped. He was not and never +had been the man she had imagined. They had nothing in common.</p> + +<p>But it was not easy to give Bennett up, to let him pass out of her life. +She wanted to love him yet. With all her heart and strength, in spite of +everything—woman that she was, she had come to that—in spite of +everything she wanted to love him. Though he had broken her will, +thwarted her ambitions, ignored her cherished hopes, misunderstood and +mistaken her, yet, if she could, Lloyd would yet have loved him, loved +him even for the very fact that he had been stronger than she.</p> + +<p>Again and again she tried to awaken this dead affection, to call back +this vanished love. She tried to remember the Bennett she had known; she +told herself that he loved her; that he had said that the great things +he had done had been done only with an eye to her approval; that she had +been his inspiration no less than he had been hers; that he had fought +his way back, not only to life, but to her. She thought of all he had +suffered, of the hardships and privations beyond her imagination to +conceive, that he had undergone. She tried to recall the infinite joy of +that night when the news of his safe return had come to her; she thought +of him at his very best—how he had always seemed to her the type of the +perfect man, masterful, aggressive, accomplishing great projects with an +energy and determination almost superhuman, one of the world's great +men, whose name the world still shouted. She called to mind how the very +ruggedness of his face; with its massive lines and harsh angles, had +attracted her; how she had been proud of his giant's strength, the vast +span of his shoulders, the bull-like depth of his chest, the sense of +enormous physical power suggested by his every movement.</p> + +<p>But it was all of no effect. That Bennett was worse than dead to her. +The Bennett that now came to her mind and imagination was the brutal, +perverse man of the breakfast-room at Medford, coarse, insolent, +intractable, stamping out all that was finest in her, breaking and +flinging away the very gifts he had inspired her to offer him. It was +nothing to him that she should stand degraded in the eyes of the world. +He did not want her to be brave and strong. She had been wrong; it was +not that kind of woman he desired. He had not acknowledged that she, +too, as well as he—a woman as well as a man might have her principles, +her standards of honour, her ideas of duty. It was not her character, +then, that he prized; the nobility of her nature was nothing to him; he +took no thought of the fine-wrought texture of her mind. How, then, did +she appeal to him? It was not her mind; it was not her soul. What, then, +was left? Nothing but the physical. The shame of it; the degradation of +it! To be so cruelly mistaken in the man she loved, to be able to appeal +to him only on his lower side! Lloyd clasped her hands over her eyes, +shutting her teeth hard against a cry of grief and pain and impotent +anger. No, no, now it was irrevocable; now her eyes were opened. The +Bennett she had known and loved had been merely a creature of her own +imagining; the real man had suddenly discovered himself; and this man, +in spite of herself, she hated as a victim hates its tyrant.</p> + +<p>But her grief for her vanished happiness—the happiness that this love, +however mistaken, had brought into her life—was pitiful. Lloyd could +not think of it without the choke coming to her throat and the tears +brimming her dull-blue eyes, while at times a veritable paroxysm of +sorrow seized upon her and flung her at full length upon her couch, her +face buried and her whole body shaken with stifled sobs. It was gone, it +was gone, and could never be called back. What was there now left to her +to live for? Why continue her profession? Why go on with the work? What +pleasure now in striving and overcoming? Where now was the exhilaration +of battle with the Enemy, even supposing she yet had the strength to +continue the fight? Who was there now to please, to approve, to +encourage? To what end the days of grave responsibilities, the long, +still nights of vigil?</p> + +<p>She began to doubt herself. Bennett, the man, had loved his work for its +own sake. But how about herself, the woman? In what spirit had she gone +about her work? Had she been genuine, after all? Had she not undertaken +it rather as a means than as an end—not because she cared for it, but +because she thought he would approve, because she had hoped by means of +the work she would come into closer companionship with him? She wondered +if this must always be so—the man loving the work for the work's sake; +the woman, more complex, weaker, and more dependent, doing the work only +in reference to the man.</p> + +<p>But often she distrusted her own conclusions, and, no doubt, rightly so. +Her mind was yet too confused to reason calmly, soberly, and accurately. +Her distress was yet too keen, too poignant to permit her to be logical. +At one time she was almost ready to admit that she had misjudged +Bennett; that, though he had acted cruelly and unjustly, he had done +what he thought was best. His sacrifice of Ferriss was sufficient +guarantee of his sincerity. But this mistrust of herself did not affect +her feeling toward him. There were moments when she condoned his +offence; there was never an instant she did not hate him.</p> + +<p>And this sentiment of hatred itself, independent of and apart from its +object, was distasteful and foreign to her. Never in her life had Lloyd +hated any one before. To be kind, to be gentle, to be womanly was her +second nature, and kindness, gentleness, and womanliness were qualities +that her profession only intensified and deepened. This newcomer in her +heart, this fierce, evil visitor, that goaded her and pricked and +harried her from day to day and throughout so many waking nights, that +roused the unwonted flash in her eye and drove the hot, angry blood to +her smooth, white forehead and knotted her levelled brows to a dark and +lowering frown, had entered her life and being, unsought for and +undesired. It did not belong to her world. Yet there it sat on its +usurped throne deformed and hideous, driving out all tenderness and +compunction, ruling her with a rod of iron, hardening her, embittering +her, and belittling her, making a mockery of all sweetness, fleering at +nobility and magnanimity, lowering the queen to the level of the +fishwife.</p> + +<p>When the first shock of the catastrophe had spent its strength and Lloyd +perforce must turn again to the life she had to live, groping for its +scattered, tangled ends, piecing together again as best she might its +broken fragments, she set herself honestly to drive this hatred from her +heart. If she could not love Bennett, at least she need not hate him. +She was moved to this by no feeling of concern for Bennett. It was not a +consideration that she owed to him, but something rather that was due to +herself. Yet, try as she would, the hatred still remained. She could not +put it from her. Hurt her and contaminate her as it did, in spite of all +her best efforts, in spite of her very prayers, the evil thing abode +with her, deep-rooted, strong, malignant. She saw that in the end she +would continue in her profession, but she believed that she could not go +on with it consistently, based as it was upon sympathy and love and +kindness, while a firm-seated, active hatred dwelt with her, harassing +her at every moment, and perverting each good impulse and each unselfish +desire. It was an ally of the very Enemy she would be called upon to +fight, a traitor that at any moment might open the gates to his +triumphant entry.</p> + +<p>But was this his only ally; was this the only false and ugly invader +that had taken advantage of her shattered defence? Had the unwelcome +visitor entered her heart alone? Was there not a companion still more +wicked, more perverted, more insidious, more dangerous? For the first +time Lloyd knew what it meant to deceive.</p> + +<p>It was supposed by her companions, and accepted by them as a matter of +course, that she had not left the bedside of her patient until after his +death. At first she had joyfully welcomed this mistake as her salvation, +the one happy coincidence that was to make her life possible, and for a +time had ceased to think about it. That phase of the incident was +closed. Matters would readjust themselves. In a few days' time the +incident would be forgotten. But she found that she herself could not +forget it, and that as days went on the idea of this passive, silent +deception she was obliged to maintain occurred to her oftener and +oftener. She remembered again how glibly and easily she had lied to her +friend upon the evening of her return. How was it that the lie had +flowed so smoothly from her lips? To her knowledge she had never +deliberately lied before. She would have supposed that, because of this +fact, falsehood would come difficult to her, that she would have +bungled, hesitated, stammered. But it was the reverse that had been the +case. The facility with which she had uttered the lie was what now began +to disturb and to alarm her. It argued some sudden collapse of her whole +system of morals, some fundamental disarrangement of the entire machine.</p> + +<p>Abruptly she recoiled. Whither was she tending? If she supinely resigned +herself to the current of circumstance, where would she be carried? Yet +how was she to free herself from the current, how to face this new +situation that suddenly presented itself at a time when she had fancied +the real shock of battle and contention was spent and past?</p> + +<p>How was she to go back now? How could she retrace her steps? There was +but one way—correct the false impression. It would not be necessary to +acknowledge that she had been forced to leave her post; the essential +was that her companions should know that she had deceived them—that she +had left the bedside before her patient's death. But at the thought of +making such confession, public as it must be, everything that was left +of her wounded pride revolted. She who had been so firm, she who had +held so tenaciously to her principles, she who had posed before them as +an example of devotion and courage—she could not bring herself to that.</p> + +<p>"No, no," she exclaimed as this alternative presented itself to her +mind. "No, I cannot. It is beyond me. I simply cannot do it."</p> + +<p>But she could. Yes, she could do it if she would. Deep down in her mind +that little thought arose. She could if she wanted to. Hide it though +she might, cover it and bury it with what false reasoning she could +invent, the little thought would not be smothered, would not be crushed +out. Well, then, she would not. Was it not her chance; was not this +deception which others and not herself had created, her opportunity to +recover herself, to live down what had been done—what she had been +forced to do, rather? Absolute right was never to be attained; was not +life to be considered rather in the light of a compromise between good +and evil? To do what one could under the circumstances, was not that the +golden mean?</p> + +<p>But she ought. And, quick, another little thought sprang up in the +deeper recesses of her mind and took its place beside the other. It was +right that she should be true. She ought to do the right. Argument, the +pleas of weakness, the demands of expediency, the plausibility of +compromise were all of no avail. The idea "I ought" persisted and +persisted and persisted. She could and she ought. There was no excuse +for her, and no sooner had she thrust aside the shifty mass of +sophistries under which she had striven to conceal them, no sooner had +she let in the light, than these two conceptions of Duty and Will began +suddenly to grow.</p> + +<p>But what was she to gain? What would be the result of such a course as +her conscience demanded she should adopt? It was inevitable that she +would be misunderstood, cruelly misjudged. What action would her +confession entail? She could not say. But results did not matter; what +she was to gain or lose did not matter. Around her and before her all +was dark and vague and terrible. If she was to escape there was but one +thing to do. Suddenly her own words came back to her:</p> + +<p>"All we can do is to hold to what we know is right, and trust that +everything will come well in the end."</p> + +<p>She knew what was right, and she had the strength to hold to it. Then +all at once there came to Lloyd a grand, breathless sense of uplifting, +almost a transfiguration. She felt herself carried high above the sphere +of little things, the region of petty considerations What did she care +for consequences, what mattered to her the unjust condemnation of her +world, if only she remained true to herself, if only she did right? What +did she care for what she gained? It was no longer a question of gain or +loss—it was a question of being true and strong and brave. The conflict +of that day at Medford between the man's power and the woman's +resistance had been cruel, the crisis had been intense, and though she +had been conquered then, had it, after all, been beyond recall? No, she +was not conquered. No, she was not subdued. Her will had not been +broken, her courage had not been daunted, her strength had not been +weakened. Here was the greater fight, here was the higher test. Here was +the ultimate, supreme crisis of all, and here, at last, come what might, +she would not, would not, would not fail.</p> + +<p>As soon as Lloyd reached this conclusion she sat about carrying her +resolution into effect.</p> + +<p>"If I don't do it now while I'm strong," she told herself, "if I wait, I +never will do it."</p> + +<p>Perhaps there was yet a touch of the hysterical in her actions even +then. The jangled feminine nerves were yet vibrating far above their +normal pitch; she was overwrought and oversensitive, for just as a +fanatic rushes eagerly upon the fire and the steel, preferring the more +exquisite torture, so Lloyd sought out the more painful situation, the +more trying ordeal, the line of action that called for the greatest +fortitude, the most unflinching courage.</p> + +<p>She chose to make known her real position, to correct the false +impression at a time when all the nurses of the house should be +together. This would be at supper-time. Since her return from Medford, +Lloyd had shut herself away from the other inmates of the house, and had +taken her meals in her room. With the exception of Miss Douglass and the +superintendent nurse no one had seen her. She had passed her time lying +at full length upon her couch, her hands clasped behind her head, or +pacing the floor, or gazing listlessly out of her windows, while her +thoughts raced at a gallop through her mind.</p> + +<p>Now, however, she bestirred herself. She had arrived at her final +decision early in the afternoon of the third day after her return, and +at once she resolved that she would endure the ordeal that very evening.</p> + +<p>She passed the intervening time, singularly enough, in very carefully +setting her room to rights, adjusting and readjusting the few ornaments +on the mantel-shelf and walls, winding the clock that struck ship's +bells instead of the hours, and minutely sorting the letters and papers +in her desk. It was the same as if she were going upon a long journey or +were preparing for a great sickness. Toward four o'clock Miss Douglass, +looking in to ask how she did, found her before her mirror carefully +combing and arranging her great bands and braids of dark-red hair. The +fever nurse declared that she was immensely improved in appearance, and +asked at once if she was not feeling better.</p> + +<p>"Yes," answered Lloyd, "very much better," adding: "I shall be down to +supper to-night."</p> + +<p>For some reason that she could not explain Lloyd took unusual pains with +her toilet, debating long over each detail of dress and ornament. At +length, toward five o'clock, she was ready, and sat down by her window, +a book in her lap, to await the announcement of supper as the condemned +await the summons to execution.</p> + +<p>Her plan was to delay her appearance in the dining-room until she was +sure that everybody was present; then she would go down, and, standing +there before them all, say what she had to say, state the few bald facts +of the case, without excuse or palliation, and leave them to draw the +one inevitable conclusion.</p> + +<p>But this final hour of waiting was a long agony for Lloyd. Her moods +changed with every moment; the action she contemplated presented itself +to her mind in a multitude of varying lights. At one time she quivered +with the apprehension of it, as though at the slow approach of hot +irons. At another she could see no reason for being greatly concerned +over the matter. Did the whole affair amount to so much, after all? Her +companions would, of their own accord, make excuses for her. Risking +one's life in the case of a virulent, contagious disease was no small +matter. No one could be blamed for leaving such a case. At one moment +Lloyd's idea of public confession seemed to her little less than +sublime; at another, almost ridiculous. But she remembered the case of +Harriet Freeze, who had been unable to resist the quiet, unexpressed +force of opinion of her fellow-workers. It would be strange if Lloyd +should find herself driven from the very house she had built.</p> + +<p>The hour before supper-time seemed interminable; the quarter passed, +then the half, then the three-quarters. Lloyd imagined she began to +detect a faint odour of the kitchen in the air. Suddenly the remaining +minutes of the hour began to be stricken from the dial of her clock with +bewildering rapidity. From the drawing-room immediately below came the +sounds of the piano. That was Esther Thielman, no doubt, playing one of +her interminable Polish compositions. All at once the piano stopped, +and, with a quick sinking of the heart, Lloyd heard the sliding doors +separating the drawing-room from the dining-room roll back. Miss +Douglass and another one of the nurses, Miss Truslow, a young girl, a +newcomer in the house, came out of the former's room and went +downstairs, discussing the merits of burlap as preferable to wall-paper. +Lloyd even heard Miss Truslow remark:</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's very true, but if it isn't sized it will wrinkle in damp +weather."</p> + +<p>Rownie came to Lloyd's door and knocked, and, without waiting for a +reply, said:</p> + +<p>"Dinneh's served, Miss Searight," and Lloyd heard her make the same +announcement at Miss Bergyn's room farther down the hall. One by one +Lloyd heard the others go downstairs. The rooms and hallways on the +second floor fell quiet. A faint, subdued murmur of talk came to her +ears in the direction of the dining-room. Lloyd waited for five, for +ten, for fifteen minutes. Then she rose, drawing in her breath, +straightening herself to her full height. She went to the door, then +paused for a moment, looking back at all the familiar objects—the +plain, rich furniture, the book-shelves, the great, comfortable couch, +the old-fashioned round mirror that hung between the windows, and her +writing-desk of blackened mahogany. It seemed to her that in some way +she was never to see these things again, as if she were saying good-bye +to them and to the life she had led in that room and in their +surroundings. She would be a different woman when she came back to that +room. Slowly she descended the stairs and halted for a moment in the +hall below. It was not too late to turn back even now. She could hear +her companions at their supper very plainly, and could distinguish +Esther Thielman's laugh as she exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Why, of course, that's the very thing I mean."</p> + +<p>It was a strange surprise that Lloyd had in store for them all. Her +heart began to beat heavy and thick. Could she even find her voice to +speak when the time came? Would it not be better to put it off, to think +over the whole matter again between now and to-morrow morning? But she +moved her head impatiently. No, she would not turn back. She found that +the sliding doors in the drawing-room had been closed, and so went to +the door that opened into the dining-room from the hall itself. It stood +ajar. Lloyd pushed it open, entered, and, closing the door behind her, +stood there leaning against it.</p> + +<p>The table was almost full; only two or three places besides her own were +unoccupied. There was Miss Bergyn at the head; the fever nurse, Miss +Douglass, at her right, and, lower down, Lloyd saw Esther Thielman; +Delia Craig, just back from a surgical case of Dr. Street's; Miss Page, +the oldest and most experienced nurse of them all; Gilbertson, whom +every one called by her last name; Miss Ives and Eleanor Bogart, who had +both taken doctors' degrees, and could have practised if they had +desired; Miss Wentworth, who had served an apprenticeship in a +missionary hospital in Armenia, and had known Clara Barton, and, last of +all, the newcomer, Miss Truslow, very young and very pretty, who had +never yet had a case, and upon whose diploma the ink was hardly dry.</p> + +<p>At first, so quietly had she entered, no one took any notice of Lloyd, +and she stood a moment, her back to the door, wondering how she should +begin. Everybody seemed to be in the best of humour; a babel of talk was +in the air; conversations were going forward, carried on across the +table, or over intervening shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Why, of course, don't you see, that's the very thing I meant—"</p> + +<p>"—I think you can get that already sized, though, and with a stencil +figure if you want it—"</p> + +<p>"—Really, it's very interesting; the first part is stupid, but she has +some very good ideas."</p> + +<p>"—Yes, at Vanoni's. But we get a reduction, you know—"</p> + +<p>"—and, oh, listen; this is too funny; she turned around and said, very +prim and stiff, 'No, indeed; I'm too old a woman.' Funny! If I think of +that on my deathbed I shall laugh—"</p> + +<p>"—and so that settled it. How could I go on after that—?"</p> + +<p>"—Must you tack it on? The walls are so hard—"</p> + +<p>"Let Rownie do it; she knows. Oh, here's the invalid!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, why, it's Lloyd! We're so glad you're able to come down!"</p> + +<p>But when they had done exclaiming over her reappearance among them Lloyd +still remained as she was, her back against the door, standing very +straight, her hands at her side. She did not immediately reply. Heads +were turned in her direction. The talk fell away by rapid degrees as +they began to notice the paleness of her face and the strange, firm set +of her mouth.</p> + +<p>"Sit down, Lloyd," said Miss Bergyn; "don't stand. You are not very well +yet; I'll have Rownie bring you a glass of sherry."</p> + +<p>There was a silence. Then at length:</p> + +<p>"No," said Lloyd quietly. "I don't want any sherry. I don't want any +supper. I came down to tell you that you are all wrong in thinking I did +what I could with my typhoid case at Medford. You think I left only +after the patient had died. I did not; I left before. There was a crisis +of some kind. I don't know what it was, because I was not in the +sick-room at the time, and I did not go when I was called. The doctor +was not there either; he had gone out and left the case in my charge. +There was nobody with the patient but a servant. The servant called me, +but I did not go. Instead I came away and left the house. The patient +died that same day. It is that that I wanted to tell you. Do you all +understand—perfectly? I left my patient at the moment of a crisis, and +with no one with him but a servant. And he died that same afternoon."</p> + +<p>Then she went out, and the closing of the door jarred sharply upon the +great silence that had spread throughout the room.</p> + +<p>Lloyd went back to her room, closed and locked the door, and, sinking +down upon the floor by the couch, bowed her head upon her folded arms. +But she was in no mood for weeping, and her eyes were dry. She was +conscious chiefly that she had taken an irrevocable step, that her head +had begun to ache. There was no exhilaration in her mind now; she did +not feel any of the satisfaction of attainment after struggle, of +triumph after victory. More than once she even questioned herself if, +after all, her confession had been necessary. But now she was weary unto +death of the whole wretched business. Now she only knew that her head +was aching fiercely; she did not care either to look into the past or +forward into the future. The present occupied her; for the present her +head was aching.</p> + +<p>But before Lloyd went to bed that night Miss Bergyn knew the whole truth +as to what had happened at Dr. Pitts's house. The superintendent nurse +had followed Lloyd to her room almost immediately, and would not be +denied. She knew very well that Lloyd Searight had never left a dying +patient of her own volition. Intuitively she guessed at something +hidden.</p> + +<p>"Lloyd," she said decisively, "don't ask me to believe that you went of +your own free will. Tell me just what happened. Why did you go? Ask me +to believe anything but that you—no, I won't say the word. There was +some very good reason, wasn't there?"</p> + +<p>"I—I cannot explain," Lloyd answered. "You must think what you choose. +You wouldn't understand."</p> + +<p>But, happily, when Lloyd's reticence finally broke Miss Bergyn did +understand. The superintendent nurse knew Bennett only by report. But +Lloyd she had known for years, and realised that if she had yielded, it +had only been after the last hope had been tried. In the end Lloyd told +her everything that had occurred. But, though she even admitted +Bennett's affection for her, she said nothing about herself, and Miss +Bergyn did not ask.</p> + +<p>"I know, of course," said the superintendent nurse at length, "you hate +to think that you were made to go; but men are stronger than women, +Lloyd, and such a man as that must be stronger than most men. You were +not to blame because you left the case, and you are certainly not to +blame for Mr. Ferriss's death. Now I shall give it out here in the house +that you had a very good reason for leaving your case, and that while we +can't explain it any more particularly, I have had a talk with you and +know all about it, and am perfectly satisfied. Then I shall go out to +Medford and see Dr. Pitts. It would be best," she added, for Lloyd had +made a gesture of feeble dissent. "He must understand perfectly, and we +need not be afraid of any talk about the matter at all. What has +happened has happened 'in the profession,' and I don't believe it will +go any further."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Lloyd returned to Bannister toward the end of the week. How long she +would remain she did not know, but for the present the association of +the other nurses was more than she was able to bear. Later, when the +affair had become something of an old story, she would return, resuming +her work as though nothing had happened.</p> + +<p>Hattie met her at the railway station with the phaeton and the ponies. +She was radiant with delight at the prospect of having Lloyd all to +herself for an indefinite period of time.</p> + +<p>"And you didn't get sick, after all?" she exclaimed, clasping her hands. +"Was your patient as sick as I was? Weren't his parents glad that you +made him well again?"</p> + +<p>Lloyd put her hand over the little girl's mouth.</p> + +<p>"Let us not talk any 'shop,' Hattie," she said, trying to smile.</p> + +<p>But on the morning after her arrival Lloyd woke in her own white room of +the old farmhouse, abruptly conscious of some subtle change that had +occurred to her overnight. For the first time since the scene in the +breakfast-room at Medford she was aware of a certain calmness that had +come to her. Perhaps she had at last begun to feel the good effects of +the trial by fire which she had voluntarily undergone—to know a certain +happiness that now there was no longer any deceit in her heart. This she +had uprooted and driven out by force of her own will. It was gone. But +now, on this morning, she seemed to feel that this was not all.</p> + +<p>Something else had left her—something that of late had harassed her and +goaded her and embittered her life, and mocked at her gentleness and +kindness, was gone. That fierce, truculent hatred that she had so +striven to put from her, now behold! of its own accord, it had seemed to +leave her. How had it happened? Before she had dared the ordeal of +confession this feeling of hatred, this perverse and ugly changeling +that had brooded in her heart, had seemed too strong, too deeply seated +to be moved. Now, suddenly, it had departed, unbidden, without effort on +her part.</p> + +<p>Vaguely Lloyd wondered at this thing. In driving deceit from her it +would appear that she had also driven out hatred, that the one could not +stay so soon as the other had departed. Could the one exist apart from +the other? Was there, then, some strange affinity in all evil, as, +perhaps, in all good, so that a victory over one bad impulse meant a +victory over many? Without thought of gain or of reward, she had held to +what was right through the confusion and storm and darkness. Was this to +be, after all, her reward, her gain? Possibly; but she could not tell, +she could not see. The confusion was subsiding, the storm had passed, +but much of the darkness yet remained. Deceit she had fought from out +her heart; silently Hatred had stolen after it. Love had not returned to +his old place, and never, never would, but the changeling was gone, and +the house was swept and garnished.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="VIII" id="VIII"></a>VIII.</h2> + + +<p>The day after the funeral, Bennett returned alone to Dr. Pitts's house +at Medford, and the same evening his trunks and baggage, containing his +papers—the records, observations, journals, and log-books of the +expedition—followed him.</p> + +<p>As Bennett entered the gate of the place that he had chosen to be his +home for the next year, he was aware that the windows of one of the +front rooms upon the second floor were wide open, the curtains tied up +into loose knots; inside a servant came and went, putting the room to +rights again, airing it and changing the furniture. In the road before +the house he had seen the marks of the wheels of the undertaker's wagon +where it had been backed up to the horse-block. As he closed the front +door behind him and stood for a moment in the hallway, his valise in his +hand, he saw, hanging upon one of the pegs of the hat-rack, the hat +Ferriss had last worn. Bennett put down his valise quickly, and, +steadying himself against the wall, leaned heavily against it, drawing a +deep breath, his eyes closing.</p> + +<p>The house was empty and, but for the occasional subdued noises that came +from the front room at the end of the hall, silent. Bennett picked up +his valise again and went upstairs to the rooms that had been set apart +for him. He did not hang his hat upon the hat-rack, but carried it with +him.</p> + +<p>The housekeeper, who met him at the head of the stairs and showed him +the way to his apartments, inquired of him as to the hours he wished to +have his meals served. Bennett told her, and then added:</p> + +<p>"I will have all my meals in the breakfast-room, the one you call the +glass-room, I believe. And as soon as the front room is ready I shall +sleep there. That will be my room after this."</p> + +<p>The housekeeper stared. "It won't be quite safe, sir, for some time. The +doctor gave very strict orders about ventilating it and changing the +furniture."</p> + +<p>Bennett merely nodded as if to say he understood, and the housekeeper +soon after left him to himself. The afternoon passed, then the evening. +Such supper as Bennett could eat was served according to his orders in +the breakfast-room. Afterward he called Kamiska, and went for a long +walk over the country roads in a direction away from the town, +proceeding slowly, his hands clasped behind his back. Later, toward ten +o'clock, he returned. He went upstairs toward his room with the +half-formed idea of looking over and arranging his papers before going +to bed. Sleep he could not; he foresaw that clearly.</p> + +<p>But Bennett was not yet familiar with the arrangement of the house. His +mind was busy with other things; he was thoughtful, abstracted, and upon +reaching the stair landing on the second floor, turned toward the front +of the house when he should have turned toward the rear. He entered what +he supposed to be his room, lit the gas, then stared about him in some +perplexity.</p> + +<p>The room he was in was almost bare of furniture. Even part of the carpet +had been taken up. The windows were wide open; a stale odour of drugs +pervaded the air, while upon the bed nothing remained but the mattress +and bolster. For a moment Bennett looked about him bewildered, then he +started sharply. This was—had been—the sick-room. Here, upon that bed, +Ferriss had died; here had been enacted one scene in the terrible drama +wherein he, Bennett, had played so conspicuous a part.</p> + +<p>As Bennett stood there looking about him, one hand upon the foot-board of +the bed, a strange, formless oppression of the spirit weighed heavily +upon him. He seemed to see upon that naked bed the wasted, +fever-stricken body of the dearest friend he had ever known. It was as +though Ferriss were lying in state there, with black draperies hung +about the bier and candles burning at the head and foot. Death had been +in that room. Empty though it was, a certain religious solemnity, almost +a certain awe, seemed to bear down upon the senses. Before he knew it +Bennett found himself kneeling at the denuded bed, his face buried, his +arms flung wide across the place where Ferriss had last reposed.</p> + +<p>He could not say how long he remained thus—perhaps ten minutes, perhaps +an hour. He seemed to come to himself once more when he stepped out into +the hall again, closing and locking the door of the death-room behind +him. But now all thought of work had left him. In the morning he would +arrange his papers. It was out of the question to think of sleep. He +descended once more to the lower floor of the silent house, and stepped +out again into the open air.</p> + +<p>On the veranda, close beside him, was a deep-seated wicker arm-chair. +Bennett sank down into it, drawing his hands wearily across his +forehead. The stillness of a summer night had settled broadly over the +vast, dim landscape. There was no moon; all the stars were out. Very far +off a whippoorwill was calling incessantly. Once or twice from the +little orchard close at hand an apple dropped with a faint rustle of +leaves and a muffled, velvety impact upon the turf. Kamiska, wide awake, +sat motionless upon her haunches on the steps, looking off into the +night, cocking an ear to every faintest sound.</p> + +<p>Well, Ferriss was dead, and he, Bennett, was responsible. His friend, +the man whom most he loved, was dead. The splendid fight he had made for +his life during that ferocious struggle with the Ice had been all of no +effect. Without a murmur, without one complaint he had borne starvation, +the bitter arctic cold, privation beyond words, the torture of the frost +that had gnawed away his hands, the blinding fury of the snow and wind, +the unceasing and incredible toil with sledge and pack—all the terrible +hardship of an unsuccessful attempt to reach the Pole, only to die +miserably in his bed, alone, abandoned by the man and woman whom, of all +people of the world, he had most loved and trusted. And he, Bennett, had +been to blame.</p> + +<p>Was Ferriss conscious during that last moment? Did he know; would he, +sometime, somewhere, know? It could not be said. Forever that must +remain a mystery. And, after all, had Bennett done right in keeping +Lloyd from the sick-room? Now that all was over, now that the whole +fearful tragedy could be judged somewhat calmly and in the light of +reason, the little stealthy doubt began to insinuate itself.</p> + +<p>At first he had turned from it, raging and furious, stamping upon it as +upon an intruding reptile. The rough-hewn, simple-natured man, with his +arrogant and vast self-confidence, his blind, unshaken belief in the +wisdom of his own decisions, had never in his life before been willing +to admit that he could be mistaken, that it was possible for him to +resolve upon a false line of action. He had always been right. But now a +change had come. A woman had entangled herself in the workings of his +world, the world that hitherto had been only a world of men for him—and +now he faltered, now he questioned himself, now he scrutinised his +motives, now the simple became complicated, the straight crooked, right +mingled with wrong, bitter with sweet, falseness with truth.</p> + +<p>He who had faith in himself to remove mountains, he who could drive his +fellow-men as a herder drives his sheep, he who had forced the vast grip +of the Ice, had, with a battering ram's force, crushed his way through +those terrible walls, shattered and breached and broken down the +barriers, now in this situation involving a woman—had he failed? Had he +weakened? And bigger, stronger, and more persistently doubt intruded +itself into his mind.</p> + +<p>Hitherto Bennett's only salvation from absolute despair had been the +firm consciousness of his own rectitude. In that lay his only comfort, +his only hope, his one, strong-built fabric of defence. If that was +undermined, if that was eaten away, what was there left for him? +Carefully, painfully, and with such minuteness as he could command, he +went over the whole affair from beginning to end, forcing his unwilling +mind—so unaccustomed to such work—to weigh each chance, to gauge each +opportunity. If <i>this</i> were so, if <i>that</i> had been done, then would +<i>such</i> results have followed? Suppose he had not interfered, suppose he +had stood aside, would Lloyd have run such danger, after all, and would +Ferriss at this time have been alive, and perhaps recovering? Had he, +Bennett, been absolutely mad; had he been blind and deaf to reason; had +he acted the part of a brute—a purblind, stupid, and unutterably +selfish brute—thinking chiefly of himself, after all, crushing the +woman who was so dear to him, sacrificing the life of the man he loved, +blundering in there, besotted and ignorant, acting the bully's part, +unnecessarily frightened, cowardly where he imagined himself brave; +weak, contemptibly weak, where he imagined himself strong? Might it not +have been avoided if he had been even merely reasonable, as, in like +case, an ordinary man would have been? He, who prided himself upon the +promptness and soundness of his judgment in great crises, had lost his +head and all power of self-control in this greatest crisis of all.</p> + +<p>The doubt came back to him again and again. Trample it, stifle it, dash +it from him as he would, each time it returned a little stronger, a +little larger, a little more insistent. Perhaps, after all, he had made +a mistake; perhaps, after all, Lloyd ran no great danger; perhaps, after +all, Ferriss might now have been alive. All at once Bennett seemed to be +sure of this.</p> + +<p>Then it became terrible. Alone there, in the darkness and in the night, +Bennett went down into the pit. Abruptly he seemed to come to +himself—to realise what he had done, as if rousing from a nightmare. +Remorse, horror, self-reproach, the anguish of bereavement, the infinite +regret of things that never were to be again, the bitterness of a +vanished love, self-contempt too abject for expression, the +heart-breaking grief of the dreadful might-have-been, one by one, he +knew them all. One by one, like the slow accumulation of gigantic +burdens, the consequences of his folly descended upon him, heavier, more +intolerably, more inexorably fixed with every succeeding moment, while +the light of truth and reason searched every corner of his mind, and his +doubt grew and hardened into certainty.</p> + +<p>If only Bennett could have believed that, in spite of what had happened, +Lloyd yet loved him, he could have found some ray of light in the +darkness wherein he groped, some saving strength to bear the weight of +his remorse and sorrow. But now, just in proportion as he saw clearer +and truer he saw that he must look for no help in that direction. Being +what Lloyd was, it was impossible for her, even though she wished it, to +love him now—love the man who had broken her! The thought was +preposterous. He remembered clearly that she had warned him of just +this. No, that, too, the one sweetness of his rugged life, he must put +from him as well—had already, and of his own accord, put from him.</p> + +<p>How go on? Of what use now was ambition, endeavour, and the striving to +attain great ends? The thread of his life was snapped; his friend was +dead, and the love of the one woman of his world. For both he was to +blame. Of what avail was it now to continue his work?</p> + +<p>Ferriss was dead. Who now would stand at his side when the darkness +thickened on ahead and obstacles drew across the path and Death overhead +hung poised and menacing?</p> + +<p>Lloyd's love for him was dead. Who now to bid him godspeed as his +vessel's prow swung northward and the water whitened in her wake? Who +now to wait behind when the great fight was dared again, to wait behind +and watch for his home-coming; and when the mighty hope had been +achieved, the goal of all the centuries attained, who now to send that +first and dearest welcome out to him when the returning ship showed over +the horizon's rim, flagged from her decks to her crosstrees in all the +royal blazonry of an immortal triumph?</p> + +<p>Now, that triumph was never to be for him. Ambition, too, was dead; some +other was to win where now he could but lose, to gain where now he could +but fail; some other stronger than he, more resolute, more determined. +At last Bennett had come to this, he who once had been so imperial in +the consciousness of his power, so arrogant, so uncompromising. Beaten, +beaten at last; defeated, daunted, driven from his highest hopes, +abandoning his dearest ambitions. And how, and why? Not by the Enemy he +had so often faced and dared, not by any power external to himself; but +by his very self's self, crushed by the engine he himself had set in +motion, shattered by the recoil of the very force that for so long had +dwelt within himself. Nothing in all the world could have broken him but +that. Danger, however great, could not have cowed him; circumstances, +however hopeless, could not have made him despair; obstacles, however +vast, could not have turned him back. Himself was the only Enemy that +could have conquered; his own power the only one to which he would have +yielded. And fate had so ordered it that this one Enemy of all others, +this one power of all others, had turned upon and rent him. The mystery +of it! The terror of it! Why had he never known? How was it he had never +guessed? What was this ruthless monster, this other self, that for so +long had slept within his flesh, strong with his better strength, +feeding and growing big with that he fancied was the best in him, that +tricked him with his noblest emotion—the love of a good woman—lured +him to a moment of weakness, then suddenly, and without warning, leaped +at his throat and struck him to the ground?</p> + +<p>He had committed one of those offences which the law does not reach, but +whose punishment is greater than any law can inflict. Retribution had +been fearfully swift. His career, Ferriss, and Lloyd—ambition, +friendship, and the love of a woman—had been a trinity of dominant +impulses in his life. Abruptly, almost in a single instant, he had lost +them all, had thrown them away. He could never get them back. Bennett +started sharply. What was this on his cheek; what was this that suddenly +dimmed his eyes? Had it actually come to this? And this was +he—Bennett—the same man who had commanded the Freja expedition. No, it +was not the same man. That man was dead. He ground his teeth, shaken +with the violence of emotions that seemed to be tearing his heart to +pieces. Lost, lost to him forever! Bennett bowed his head upon his +folded arms. Through his clenched teeth his words seemed almost wrenched +from him, each word an agony.</p> + +<p>"Dick—Dick, old man, you're gone, gone from me, and it was I who did +it; and Lloyd, she too—she—God help me!"</p> + +<p>Then the tension snapped. The great, massive frame shook with grief from +head to heel, and the harsh, angular face, with its salient jaw and +hard, uncouth lines, was wet with the first tears he had ever known.</p> + +<p>He was roused at length by a sudden movement on the part of the dog. +Kamiska had risen to her feet with a low growl, then, as the gate-latch +clinked, she threw up her head and gave tongue to the night with all the +force of her lungs. Bennett straightened up, thanking fortune that the +night was dark, and looked about him. A figure was coming up the front +walk, the gravel crunching under foot. It was the figure of a man. At +the foot of the steps of the veranda he paused, and as Bennett made a +movement turned in his direction and said:</p> + +<p>"Is this Dr. Pitts's house?"</p> + +<p>Bennett's reply was drowned in the clamour of the dog, but the other +seemed to understand, for he answered:</p> + +<p>"I'm looking for Mr. Ferriss—Richard Ferriss, of the Freja; they told +me he was brought here."</p> + +<p>Kamiska stopped her barking, sniffed once or twice at the man's trouser +legs; then, in brusque frenzy of delight, leaped against him, licking +his hands, dancing about him on two legs, whining and yelping.</p> + +<p>Bennett came forward, and the man changed his position so that the light +from the half-open front door shone upon his face.</p> + +<p>"Why, Adler!" exclaimed Bennett; "well, where did you come from?"</p> + +<p>"Mr. Bennett!" almost shouted the other, snatching off his cap. "It +ain't really you, sir!" His face beamed and radiated a joy little short +of beatitude. The man was actually trembling with happiness. Words +failed him, and as with a certain clumsy tenderness he clasped Bennett's +hand in both his own his old-time chief saw the tears in his eyes.</p> + +<p>"Oh! Maybe I ain't glad to see you, sir—I thought you had gone away—I +didn't know where—I—I didn't know as I was ever going to see you +again."</p> + +<p>Kamiska herself had been no less tremulously glad to see Adler than was +Adler to see Bennett. He stammered, he confused himself, he shifted his +weight from one foot to the other, his eyes danced, he laughed and +choked, he dropped his cap. His joy was that of a child, unrestrained, +unaffected, as genuine as gold. When they turned back to the veranda he +eagerly drew up Bennett's chair for him, his eyes never leaving his +face. It was the quivering, inarticulate affection of a dog for its +master, faithful, submissive, unquestioning, happy for hours over a +chance look, a kind word, a touch of the hand. To Adler's mind it would +have been a privilege and an honour to have died for Bennett. Why, he +was his chief, his king, his god, his master, who could do no wrong. +Bennett could have slain him where he stood and Adler would still have +trusted him.</p> + +<p>Adler would not sit down until Bennett had twice ordered him to do so, +and then he deposited himself in a nearby chair, in as uncomfortable a +position as he could devise, allowing only the smallest fraction of his +body to be supported as a mark of deference. He remained uncovered, and +from time to time nervously saluted. But suddenly he remembered the +object of his visit.</p> + +<p>"Oh, but I forgot—seeing you like this, unexpected, sir, clean drove +Mr. Ferriss out of my mind. How is he getting on? I saw in the papers he +was main sick."</p> + +<p>"He's dead," said Bennett quietly.</p> + +<p>Adler was for the moment stricken speechless. His jaw dropped; he +stared, and caught his breath.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Ferriss dead!" he exclaimed at length. "I—I can't believe it." He +crossed himself rapidly. Bennett made no reply, and for upward of five +minutes the two men sat motionless in the chairs, looking off into the +night. After a while Adler broke silence and asked a few questions as to +Ferriss's sickness and the nature and time of his death—questions which +Bennett answered as best he might. But it was evident that Bennett, +alive and present there in the flesh, was more to Adler than Ferriss +dead.</p> + +<p>"But <i>you're</i> all right, sir, ain't you?" he asked at length. "There +ain't anything the matter with you?"</p> + +<p>"No," said Bennett; looking at him steadily; then suddenly he added:</p> + +<p>"Adler, I was to blame for Mr. Ferriss's death. If it hadn't been for me +he would probably have been alive to-night. It was my fault. I did what +I thought was right, when I knew all the time, just as I know now, that +I was wrong. So, when any one asks you about Mr. Ferriss's death you are +to tell him just what you know about it—understand? Through a mistake I +was responsible for his death. I shall not tell you more than that, but +that much you ought to know."</p> + +<p>Adler looked at Bennett curiously and with infinite amazement. The order +of his universe was breaking up about his ears. Bennett, the +inscrutable, who performed his wonders in a mystery, impenetrable to +common eyes, who moved with his head in the clouds, behold! he was +rendering account to him, Adler, the meanest of his subjects—the king +was condescending to the vassal, was admitting him to his confidence. +And what was this thing he was saying, that he was responsible for +Ferriss's death? Adler did not understand; his wits could not adjust +themselves to such information. Ferriss was dead, but how was Bennett to +blame? The king could do no wrong. Adler did not understand. No doubt +Bennett was referring to something that had happened during the retreat +over the ice—something that had to be done, and that in the end, and +after all this lapse of time, had brought about Mr. Ferriss's death. In +any case Bennett had done what was right. For that matter he had been +responsible for McPherson's death; but what else had there been to do?</p> + +<p>Bennett had spoken as he did after a moment's rapid thinking. To Adler's +questions as to the manner of the chief engineer's death Bennett had at +first given evasive replies. But a sudden sense of shame at being +compelled to dissemble before a subordinate had lashed him across the +face. True, he had made a mistake—a fearful, unspeakable mistake—but +at least let him be man enough to face and to accept its consequences. +It might not be necessary or even expedient to make acknowledgment of +his folly in all quarters, but at that moment it seemed to him that his +men—at least one of them—who had been under the command of himself and +his friend, had a right to be told the truth. It had been only one +degree less distasteful to undeceive Adler than it had been to deceive +him in the first place. Bennett was not the general to explain his +actions to his men. But he had not hesitated a moment.</p> + +<p>However, Adler was full of another subject, and soon broke out with:</p> + +<p>"You know, sir, there's another expedition forming; I suppose you have +heard—an English one. They call it the Duane-Parsons expedition. They +are going to try the old route by Smith Sound. They are going to winter +at Tasiusak, and try to get through the sound as soon as the ice breaks +up in the spring. But Duane's ideas are all wrong. He'll make no very +high northing, not above eighty-five. I'll bet a hat. When we go up +again, sir, will you—will you let me—will you take me along? Did I +give satisfaction this last—"</p> + +<p>"I'm never going up again, Adler," answered Bennett.</p> + +<p>"Sho!" said Adler a little blankly. "I thought sure—I never thought +that you—why, there ain't no one else but you <i>can</i> do it, captain."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, there is," said Bennett listlessly. "Duane can—if he has +luck. I know him. He's a good man. No, I'm out of it, Adler; I had my +chance. It is somebody else's turn now. Do you want to go with Duane? I +can give you letters to him. He'd be glad to have you, I know."</p> + +<p>Adler started from his place.</p> + +<p>"Why, do you think—" he exclaimed vehemently—"do you think I'd go with +anybody else but you, sir? Oh, you will be going some of these days, I'm +sure of it. We—we'll have another try at it, sir, before we die. We +ain't beaten yet."</p> + +<p>"Yes, we are, Adler," returned Bennett, smiling calmly; "we'll stay at +home now and write our book. But we'll let some one else reach the Pole. +That's not for us—never will be, Adler."</p> + +<p>At the end of their talk some half-hour later Adler stood up, remarking:</p> + +<p>"Guess I'd better be standing by if I'm to get the last train back to +the City to-night. They told me at the station that she'd clear about +midnight." Suddenly he began to show signs of uneasiness, turning his +cap about between his fingers, changing his weight from foot to foot. +Then at length:</p> + +<p>"You wouldn't be wanting a man about the place, would you, sir?" And +before Bennett could reply he continued eagerly, "I've been a bit of +most trades in my time, and I know how to take care of a garden like as +you have here; I'm a main good hand with plants and flower things, and I +could help around generally." Then, earnestly, "Let me stay, sir—it +won't cost—I wouldn't think of taking a cent from you, captain. Just +let me act as your orderly for a spell, sir. I'd sure give satisfaction; +will you, sir—will you?"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense, Adler," returned Bennett; "stay, if you like. I presume I can +find use for you. But you must be paid, of course."</p> + +<p>"Not a soomarkee," protested the other almost indignantly.</p> + +<p>The next day Adler brought his chest down from the City and took up his +quarters with Bennett at Medford. Though Dr. Pitts had long since ceased +to keep horses, the stable still adjoined the house, and Adler swung his +hammock in the coachman's old room. Bennett could not induce him to room +in the house itself. Adler prided himself that he knew his place. After +their first evening's conversation he never spoke to Bennett until +spoken to first, and the resumed relationship of commander and +subordinate was inexpressibly dear to him. It was something to see Adler +waiting on the table in the "glass-room" in his blue jersey, standing at +attention at the door, happy in the mere sight of Bennett at his meals. +In the mornings, as soon as breakfast was ready, it was Adler's +privilege to announce the fact to Bennett, whom he usually found already +at work upon his writing. Returning thence to the dining-room, Adler +waited for his lord to appear. As soon as he heard Bennett's step in the +hall a little tremor of excitement possessed him. He ran to Bennett's +chair, drawing it back for him, and as soon as Bennett had seated +himself circled about him with all the pride and solicitude of a +motherly hen. He opened his napkin for him, delivered him his paper, and +pushed his cup of coffee a half-inch nearer his hand. Throughout the +duration of the meal he hardly took his eyes from Bennett's face, +watching his every movement with a glow of pride, his hands gently +stroking one another in an excess of satisfaction and silent enjoyment.</p> + +<p>The days passed; soon a fortnight was gone by. Drearily, mechanically, +Bennett had begun work upon his book, the narrative of the expedition. +It was repugnant to him. Long since he had lost all interest in polar +exploration. As he had said to Adler, he was out of it, finally and +irrevocably. His bolt was shot; his role upon the stage of the world was +ended. He only desired now to be forgotten as quickly as possible, to +lapse into mediocrity as easily and quietly as he could. Fame was +nothing to him now. The thundering applause of an entire world that had +once been his was mere noise, empty and meaningless. He did not care to +reawaken it. The appearance of his book he knew was expected and waited +for in every civilised nation of the globe. It would be printed in +languages whereof he was ignorant, but it was all one with him now.</p> + +<p>The task of writing was hateful to him beyond expression, but with such +determination as he could yet summon to his aid Bennett stuck to it, +eight, ten, and sometimes fourteen hours each day. In a way his +narrative was an atonement. Ferriss was its hero. Almost instinctively +Bennett kept the figure of himself, his own achievements, his own plans +and ideas, in the background. On more than one page he deliberately +ascribed to Ferriss triumphs which no one but himself had attained. It +was Ferriss who was the leader, the victor to whom all laurels were due. +It was Ferriss whose example had stimulated the expedition to its best +efforts in the darkest hours; it was, practically, Ferriss who had saved +the party after the destruction of the ship; whose determination, +unbroken courage, endurance, and intelligence had pervaded all minds and +hearts during the retreat to Kolyuchin Bay.</p> + +<p>"Though nominally in command," wrote Bennett, "I continually gave place +to him. Without his leadership we should all, unquestionably, have +perished before even reaching land. His resolution to conquer, at +whatever cost, was an inspiration to us all. Where he showed the way we +had to follow; his courage was never daunted, his hope was never dimmed, +his foresight, his intelligence, his ingenuity in meeting and dealing +with apparently unsolvable problems were nothing short of marvellous. +His was the genius of leadership. He was the explorer, born to his +work."</p> + +<p>One day, just after luncheon, as Bennett, according to his custom, was +walking in the garden by the house, smoking a cigar before returning to +his work, he was surprised to find himself bleeding at the nose. It was +but a trifling matter, and passed off in a few moments, but the fact of +its occurrence directed his attention to the state of his health, and he +told himself that for the last few days he had not been at all his +accustomed self. There had been dull pains in his back and legs; more +than once his head had pained him, and of late the continuance of his +work had been growing steadily more obnoxious to him, the very physical +effort of driving the pen from line to line was a burden.</p> + +<p>"Hum!" he said to himself later on in the day, when the bleeding at the +nose returned upon him, "I think we need a little quinine."</p> + +<p>But the next day he found he could not eat, and all the afternoon, +though he held doggedly to his work, he was troubled with nausea. At +times a great weakness, a relaxing of all the muscles, came over him. In +the evening he sent a note to Dr. Pitts's address in the City, asking +him to come down to Medford the next day.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>On the Monday morning of the following week, some two hours after +breakfast, Lloyd met Miss Douglass on the stairs, dressed for the street +and carrying her nurse's bag.</p> + +<p>"Are you going out?" she asked of the fever nurse in some astonishment. +"Where are you going?" for Lloyd had returned to duty, and it was her +name that now stood at the top of the list; "I thought it was my turn to +go out," she added.</p> + +<p>Miss Douglass was evidently much confused.</p> + +<p>Her meeting with Lloyd had apparently been unexpected. She halted upon +the stairs in great embarrassment, stammering:</p> + +<p>"No—no, I'm on call. I—I was called out of my turn—specially +called—that was it."</p> + +<p>"Were you?" demanded Lloyd sharply, for the other nurse was disturbed to +an extraordinary degree.</p> + +<p>"Well, then; no, I wasn't, but the superintendent—Miss Bergyn—she +thought—she advised—you had better see her."</p> + +<p>"I will see her," declared Lloyd, "but don't you go till I find out why +I was skipped."</p> + +<p>Lloyd hurried at once to Miss Bergyn's room, indignant at this slight. +Surely, after what had happened, she was entitled to more consideration +than this. Of all the staff in the house she should have been the one to +be preferred.</p> + +<p>Miss Bergyn rose at Lloyd's sudden entrance into her room, and to her +question responded:</p> + +<p>"It was only because I wanted to spare you further trouble and—and +embarrassment, Lloyd, that I told Miss Douglass to take your place. This +call is from Medford. Dr. Pitts was here himself this morning, and he +thought as I did."</p> + +<p>"Thought what? I don't understand."</p> + +<p>"It seemed to me," answered the superintendent nurse, "that this one +case of all others would be the hardest, the most disagreeable for you +to take. It seems that Mr. Bennett has leased Dr. Pitts's house from +him. He is there now. At the time when Mr. Ferriss was beginning to be +ill Mr. Bennett was with him a great deal and undertook to nurse him +till Dr. Pitts interfered and put a professional nurse on the case. +Since then, too, the doctor has found out that Mr. Bennett has exposed +himself imprudently. At any rate, in some way he has contracted the same +disease and is rather seriously ill with it. Dr. Pitts wants us to send +him a nurse at once. It just happened that it was your turn, and I +thought I had better skip your name and send Louise Douglass."</p> + +<p>Lloyd sank into a chair, her hands falling limply in her lap. A frown of +perplexity gathered on her forehead. But suddenly she exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"I know—that's all as it may be; but all the staff know that it is my +turn to go; everybody in the house knows who is on call. How will it +be—what will be thought when it is known that I haven't gone—and +after—after my failing once—after this—this other affair? No, I must +go. I, of all people, must go—and just because it is a typhoid case, +like the other."</p> + +<p>"But, Lloyd, how <i>can</i> you?"</p> + +<p>True, how could she? Her patient would be the same man who had +humiliated her and broken her, had so cruelly misunderstood and wronged +her, for whom all her love was dead. How could she face him again? Yet +how refuse to take the case? How explain a second failure to her +companions? Lloyd made a little movement of distress, clasping her hands +together. How the complications followed fast upon each other! No sooner +was one difficult situation met and disposed of than another presented +itself. Bennett was nothing to her now, yet, for all that, she recoiled +instinctively from meeting him again. Not only must she meet him, but +she must be with him day after day, hour after hour, at his very side, +in all the intimacy that the sick-room involved. On the other hand, how +could she decline this case? The staff might condone one apparent and +inexplicable defection; another would certainly not be overlooked. But +was not this new situation a happy and unlooked-for opportunity to +vindicate her impaired prestige in the eyes of her companions? Lloyd +made up her mind upon the instant. She rose.</p> + +<p>"I shall take the case," she said.</p> + +<p>She was not a little surprised at herself. Hardly an instant had she +hesitated. On that other occasion when she had believed it right to make +confession to her associates it had been hard—at times almost +impossible—for her to do her duty as she saw and understood it. This +new complication was scarcely less difficult, but once having attained +the fine, moral rigour that had carried her through her former ordeal, +it became easy now to do right under all or any circumstances, however +adverse. If she had failed then, she certainly would have failed now. +That she had succeeded then made it all the easier to succeed now. Dimly +Lloyd commenced to understand that the mastery of self, the steady, firm +control of natural, intuitive impulses, selfish because natural, was a +progression. Each victory not only gained the immediate end in view, but +braced the mind and increased the force of will for the next shock, the +next struggle. She had imagined and had told herself that Bennett had +broken her strength for good. But was it really so? Had not defeat in +that case been only temporary? Was she not slowly getting back her +strength by an unflinching adherence to the simple, fundamental +principles of right, and duty, and truth? Was not the struggle with +one's self the greatest fight of all, greater, far greater, than had +been the conflict between Bennett's will and her own?</p> + +<p>Within the hour she found herself once again on her way to Medford. How +much had happened, through what changes had she passed since the +occasion of her first journey; and Bennett, how he, too, changed; how +different he had come to stand in her estimation! Once the thought that +he was in danger had been a constant terror to her, and haunted her days +and lurked at her side through many a waking night. Was it possible that +now his life or death was no more to her than that of any of her former +patients? She could not say; she avoided answering the question. +Certainly her heart beat no faster at this moment to know that he was in +the grip of a perilous disease. She told herself that her Bennett was +dead already; that she was coming back to Medford not to care for and +watch over the individual, but to combat the disease.</p> + +<p>When she arrived at the doctor's house in Medford, a strange-looking man +opened the door for her, and asked immediately if she was the nurse.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Lloyd, "I am. Is Dr. Pitts here?"</p> + +<p>"Upstairs in his room," answered the other in a whisper, closing the +front door with infinite softness. "He won't let me go in, the doctor +won't; I—I ain't seen him in four days. Ask the doctor if I can't just +have a blink at him—just a little blink through the crack of the door. +Just think, Miss, I ain't seen him in four days! Just think of that! And +look here, they ain't giving him enough to eat—nothing but milk and +chicken soup with rice in it. He never did like rice; that's no kind of +rations for a sick man. I fixed him up a bit of duff yesterday, what he +used to like so much aboard ship, and Pitts wouldn't let him have it. He +regularly laughed in my face."</p> + +<p>Lloyd sent word to the doctor by the housekeeper that she had arrived, +and on going up found Pitts waiting for her at the door of the +sick-room, not that which had been occupied by Ferriss, but another—the +guest-chamber of the house, situated toward the rear of the building.</p> + +<p>"Why, I expected Miss Douglass!" exclaimed the doctor in a low voice as +soon as his eye fell upon Lloyd. "Any one of them but you!"</p> + +<p>"I had to come," Lloyd answered quietly, flushing hotly for all that. +"It was my turn, and it was not right for me to stay away."</p> + +<p>The doctor hesitated an instant, and then dismissed the subject, putting +his chin in the air as if to say that, after all, it was not his affair.</p> + +<p>"Well," he said, "it's queer to see how things will tangle themselves +sometimes. I don't know whether he took this thing from Ferriss or not. +Both of them were exposed to the same conditions when their expedition +went to pieces and they were taken off by the whaling ships—bad water, +weakened constitution, not much power of resistance; in prime condition +for the bacillus, and the same cause might have produced the same +effect; at any rate, he's in a bad way."</p> + +<p>"Is he—very bad?" asked Lloyd.</p> + +<p>"Well, he's not the hang-on sort that Mr. Ferriss was; nothing undecided +about Captain Ward Bennett; when he's sick, he's sick; rushes right at +it like a blind bull. He's as bad now as Mr. Ferriss was in his third +week."</p> + +<p>"Do you think he will recognise me?"</p> + +<p>The doctor shook his head. "No; delirious most of the time—of +course—regulation thing. If we don't keep the fever down he'll go out +sure. That's the danger in his case. Look at him yourself; here he is. +The devil! The animal is sitting up again."</p> + +<p>As Lloyd entered the room she saw Bennett sitting bolt upright in his +bed, staring straight before him, his small eyes, with their deforming +cast, open to their fullest extent, the fingers of his shrunken, bony +hands dancing nervously on the coverlet. A week's growth of stubble +blackened the lower part of his face. Without a moment's pause he +mumbled and muttered with astonishing rapidity, but for the most part +the words were undistinguishable. It was, indeed, not the same Bennett, +Lloyd had last seen. The great body was collapsed upon itself; the skin +of the face was like dry, brown parchment, and behind it the big, +massive bones stood out in great knobs and ridges. It needed but a +glance to know that here was a man dangerously near to his death. While +Lloyd was removing her hat and preparing herself for her work the doctor +got Bennett upon his back again and replenished the ice-pack about his +head.</p> + +<p>"Not much strength left in our friend now," he murmured.</p> + +<p>"How long has he been like this?" asked Lloyd as she arranged the +contents of her nurse's bag on a table near the window.</p> + +<p>"Pretty close to eight hours now. He was conscious yesterday morning, +however, for a little while, and wanted to know what his chances were."</p> + +<p>They were neither good nor many; the strength once so formidable was +ebbing away like a refluent tide, and that with ominous swiftness. +Stimulate the life as the doctor would, strive against the enemy's +advance as Lloyd might, Bennett continued to sink.</p> + +<p>"The devil of it is," muttered the doctor, "that he don't seem to care. +He had as soon give up as not. It's hard to save a patient that don't +want to save himself. If he'd fight for his life as he did in the +arctic, we could pull him through yet. Otherwise—" he shrugged his +shoulders almost helplessly.</p> + +<p>The next night toward nine o'clock Lloyd took the doctor's place at +their patient's bedside, and Pitts, without taking off his clothes, +stretched himself out upon the sofa in one of the rooms on the lower +floor of the house, with the understanding that the nurse was to call +him in case of any change.</p> + +<p>But as the doctor was groping his way down the darkened stairway he +stumbled against Adler and Kamiska. Adler was sitting on one of the +steps, and the dog was on her haunches close at his side; the two were +huddled together there in the dark, broad awake, shoulder to shoulder, +waiting, watching, and listening for the faint sounds that came at long +intervals from the direction of the room where Bennett lay.</p> + +<p>As the physician passed him Adler stood up and saluted:</p> + +<p>"Is he doing any better now, sir?" he whispered.</p> + +<p>"Nothing new," returned the other brusquely. "He may get well in three +weeks' time or he may die before midnight; so there you are. You know as +much about it as I do. Damn that dog!"</p> + +<p>He trod upon Kamiska, who forbore heroically to yelp, and went on his +way. Adler resumed his place on the stairs, sitting down gingerly, so +that the boards should not creak under his weight. He took Kamiska's +head between his hands and rocked himself gently to and fro.</p> + +<p>"What are we going to do, little dog?" he whispered. "What are we going +to do if—if our captain should—if he shouldn't—" he had no words to +finish. Kamiska took her place again by his side, and the two resumed +their vigil.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, not fifty feet away, a low voice, monotonous and rapid, was +keeping up a continuous, murmuring flow of words.</p> + +<p>"That's well your number two sledge. All hands on the McClintock +now. You've got to do it, men. Forward, get forward, get forward; +get on to the south, always to the south—south, south, south!... +There, there's the ice again. That's the biggest ridge yet. At it +now! Smash through; I'll break you yet; believe me, I will! There, +we broke it! I knew you could, men. I'll pull you through. Now, +then, h'up your other sledge. Forward! There will be double rations +to-night all round—no—half-rations, quarter-rations.... No, +three-fifths of an ounce of dog-meat and a spoonful of alcohol—that's +all; that's all, men. Pretty cold night, this—minus thirty-eight. +Only a quarter of a mile covered to-day. Everybody suffering in their +feet, and so weak—and starving—and freezing." All at once the voice +became a wail. "My God! is it never going to end?... Sh—h, steady, +what was that? Who whimpered? Was that Ward Bennett? No whimpering, +whatever comes. Stick it out like men, anyway. Fight it out till we +drop, but no whimpering.... Who said there were steam whalers off +the floe? That's a lie! Forward, forward, get forward to the +south—no, not the south; to the <i>north</i>, to the north! We'll reach +it, we'll succeed; we're most there, men; come on, come on! I tell +you this time we'll reach it; one more effort, men! We're most +there! What's the latitude? Eighty-five-twenty—eighty-six." The +voice began to grow louder: "Come on, men; we're most there! +Eighty-seven—eighty-eight—eighty-nine-twenty-five!" He rose to a +sitting position. "Eighty-nine-thirty—eighty-nine-forty-five." Suddenly +the voice rose to a shout. "Ninety degrees! <i>By God, it's the Pole!</i>"</p> + +<p>The voice died away to indistinct mutterings.</p> + +<p>Lloyd was at the bedside by now, and quietly pressed Bennett down upon +his back. But as she did so a thrill of infinite pity and compassion +quivered through her. She had forced him down so easily. He was so +pitifully weak. Woman though she was, she could, with one small hand +upon his breast, control this man who at one time had been of such +colossal strength—such vast physical force.</p> + +<p>Suddenly Bennett began again. "Where's Ferriss? Where's Richard Ferriss? +Where's the chief engineer of the Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition?"</p> + +<p>He fell silent again, and but for the twitching, dancing hands, lay +quiet. Then he cried:</p> + +<p>"Attention to the roll-call!"</p> + +<p>Rapidly and in a low voice he began calling off the muster of the +Freja's men and officers, giving the answers himself.</p> + +<p>"Adler—here; Blair—here; Dahl—here; Fishbaugh—here; Hawes—here; +McPherson—here; Muck Tu—here; Woodward—here; Captain Ward +Bennett—here; Dr. Sheridan Dennison—here; Chief Engineer Richard +Ferriss—" no answer. Bennett waited for a moment, then repeated the +name, "Chief Engineer Richard Ferriss—" Again he was silent; but after +a few seconds he called aloud in agony of anxiety, "Chief Engineer +Richard Ferriss, answer to the roll-call!"</p> + +<p>Then once more he began; his disordered wits calling to mind a different +order of things:</p> + +<p>"Adler—here; Blair—died from exhaustion at Point Kane; Dahl—here; +Fishbaugh—starved to death on the march to Kolyuchin Bay; Hawes—died +of arctic fever at Cape Kammeni; McPherson—unable to keep up, and +abandoned at ninth camp; Muck Tu—here; Woodward—died from starvation +at twelfth camp; Dr. Sheridan Dennison—frozen to death at Kolyuchin +Bay; Chief Engineer Richard Ferriss—died by the act of his best friend, +Captain Ward Bennett!" Again and again Bennett repeated this phrase, +calling: "Richard Ferriss! Richard Ferriss!" and immediately adding in a +broken voice: "Died by the act of his best friend, Captain Ward +Bennett." Or at times it was only the absence of Ferriss that seemed to +torture him. He would call the roll, answering "here" to each name until +he reached Ferriss; then he would not respond, but instead would cry +aloud over and over again, in accents of the bitterest grief, "Richard +Ferriss, answer to the roll-call; Richard Ferriss, answer to the +roll-call—" Then suddenly, with a feeble, quavering cry, "For God's +sake, Dick, answer to the roll-call!"</p> + +<p>The hours passed. Ten o'clock struck, then eleven. At midnight Lloyd +took the temperature (which had decreased considerably) and the pulse, +and refilled the ice-pack about the head. Bennett was still muttering in +the throes of delirium, still calling for Ferriss, imploring him to +answer to the roll-call; or repeating the words: "Dick Ferriss, chief +engineer—died at the hands of his best friend, Ward Bennett," in tones +so pitiful, so heart-broken that more than once Lloyd felt the tears +running down her cheeks.</p> + +<p>"Richard Ferriss, Richard Ferriss, answer to the roll-call; Dick, old +man, won't you answer, won't you answer, old chap, when I call you? +Won't you come back and say 'It's all right?' Ferriss, Ferriss, answer +to my roll-call. ... Died at the hands of his best friend. ... At +Kolyuchin Bay. ... Killed, and I did it. ... Forward, men; you've got to +do it; snowing to-day and all the ice in motion. ... H'up y'r other +sledge. Come on with y'r number four; more pressure-ridges, I'll break +you yet! Come on with y'r number four! ... Lloyd Searight, what are you +doing in this room?"</p> + +<p>On the instant the voice had changed from confused mutterings to +distinct, clear-cut words. The transition was so sudden that Lloyd, at +the moment busy at her nurse's bag, her back to the bed, wheeled sharply +about to find Bennett sitting bolt upright, looking straight at her with +intelligent, wide-open eyes. Lloyd's heart for an instant stood still, +almost in terror. This sudden leap back from the darkness of delirium +into the daylight of consciousness was almost like a rising from the +dead, ghost-like, appalling. She caught her breath, trembling in spite +of her best efforts, and for an instant leaned a hand upon the table +behind her.</p> + +<p>But on Bennett's face, ghastly, ravaged by disease, with its vast, +protruding jaw, its narrow contracted forehead and unkempt growth of +beard, the dawning of intelligence and surprise swiftly gave place to an +expression of terrible anxiety and apprehension.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing here, Lloyd?" he cried.</p> + +<p>"Hush!" she answered quickly as she came forward; "above all things you +must not sit up; lie down again and don't talk. You are very sick."</p> + +<p>"I know, I know," he answered feebly. "I know what it is. But you must +leave here. It's a terrible risk every moment you stay in this room. I +want you to go. You understand—at once! Call the doctor. Don't come +near the bed," he went on excitedly, struggling to keep himself from +sinking back upon the pillows. His breath was coming quick; his eyes +were flashing. All the poor, shattered senses were aroused and quivering +with excitement and dread.</p> + +<p>"It will kill you to stay here," he continued, almost breathless. "Out +of this room!" he commanded. "Out of this house! It is mine now; I'm the +master here—do you understand? Don't!" he exclaimed as Lloyd put her +hands upon his shoulders to force him to lie down again.</p> + +<p>"Don't, don't touch me! Stand away from me!"</p> + +<p>He tried to draw back from her in the bed. Then suddenly he made a great +effort to rise, resisting her efforts.</p> + +<p>"I shall put you out, then," he declared, struggling against Lloyd's +clasp upon his shoulders, catching at her wrists. His excitement was so +intense, his fervour so great that it could almost be said he touched +the edge of his delirium again.</p> + +<p>"Do you hear, do you hear? Out of this room!"</p> + +<p>"No," said Lloyd calmly; "you must be quiet; you must try to go to +sleep. This time you cannot make me leave."</p> + +<p>He caught her by one arm, and, bracing himself with the other against +the headboard of the bed, thrust her back from him with all his might.</p> + +<p>"Keep away from me, I tell you; keep back! You shall do as I say! I have +always carried my point, and I shall not fail now. Believe me, I shall +not. You—you—" he panted as he struggled with her, ashamed of his +weakness, humiliated beyond words that she should know it. "I—you +shall—you will compel me to use force. Don't let it come to that."</p> + +<p>Calmly Lloyd took both his wrists in the strong, quiet clasp of one +palm, and while she supported his shoulders with her other arm, laid him +down among the pillows again as though he had been a child.</p> + +<p>"I'm—I'm a bit weak and trembly just now," he admitted, panting with +his exertion; "but, Lloyd, listen. I know how you must dislike me now, +but will you please go—go, go at once!"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>What a strange spinning of the wheel of fate was here! In so short a +time had their mutual positions been reversed. Now it was she who was +strong and he who was weak. It was she who conquered and he who was +subdued. It was she who triumphed and he who was humiliated. It was he +who implored and she who denied. It was her will and no longer his that +must issue victorious from the struggle.</p> + +<p>And how complete now was Bennett's defeat! The very contingency he had +fought so desperately to avert and for which he had sacrificed +Ferriss—Lloyd's care of so perilous a disease—behold! the mysterious +turn of the wheel had brought it about, and now he was powerless to +resist.</p> + +<p>"Oh!" he cried, "have I not enough upon my mind already—Ferriss and his +death? Are you going to make me imperil your life too, and after I have +tried so hard? You must not stay here."</p> + +<p>"I shall stay," she answered.</p> + +<p>"I order you to go. This is my house. Send the doctor here. Where's +Adler?" Suddenly he fainted.</p> + +<p>An hour or two later, in the gray of the morning, at a time when Bennett +was sleeping quietly under the influence of opiates, Lloyd found herself +sitting at the window in front of the small table there, her head +resting on her hand, thoughtful, absorbed, and watching with but +half-seeing eyes the dawn growing pink over the tops of the apple-trees +in the orchard near by.</p> + +<p>The window was open just wide enough for the proper ventilation of the +room. For a long time she sat thus without moving, only from time to +time smoothing back the heavy, bronze-red hair from her temples and +ears. By degrees the thinking faculties of her brain, as it were, a +myriad of delicate interlacing wheels, slowly decreased in the rapidity +and intensity of their functions. She began to feel instead of to think. +As the activity of her mind lapsed to a certain pleasant numbness, a +vague, formless, nameless emotion seemed to be welling to the surface. +It was no longer a question of the brain. What then? Was it the heart? +She gave no name to this new emotion; it was too confused as yet, too +undefinable. A certain great sweetness seemed to be coming upon her, but +she could not say whether she was infinitely sad or supremely happy; a +smile was on her lips, and yet the tears began to brim in her dull-blue +eyes.</p> + +<p>She felt as if some long, fierce struggle, or series of struggles, were +at last accomplished; as if for a long period of time she had been +involved in the maze and tortuous passages of some gloomy cavern, but at +length, thence issuing, had again beheld the stars. A great tenderness, +a certain tremulous joy in all things that were true and good and right, +grew big and strong within her; the delight in living returned to her. +The dawn was brightening and flushing over all the world, and colour, +light, and warmth were coming back into her life. The night had been +still and mild, but now the first breath of the morning breeze stirred +in the trees, in the grass, in the flowers, and the thick, dew-drenched +bushes along the roadside, and a delicious aroma of fields and woods and +gardens came to her. The sweetness of life and the sweetness of those +things better than life and more enduring, the things that do not fail, +nor cease, nor vanish away, suddenly entered into that room and +descended upon her almost in the sense of a benediction, a visitation, +something mystic and miraculous. It was a moment to hope all things, to +believe all things, to endure all things.</p> + +<p>She caught her breath, listening—for what she did not know. Once again, +just as it had been in that other dawn, in that other room where the +Enemy had been conquered, the sense of some great happiness was in the +air, was coming to her swiftly. But now the greater Enemy had been +outfought, the morning of a greater day was breaking and spreading, and +the greatest happiness in the world was preparing for her. How it had +happened she did not know. Now was not the moment to think, to reason, +to reflect. It seemed as though the rushing of wings was all about her, +as though a light brighter than the day was just about to break upon her +sight, as though a music divinely beautiful was just about to burst upon +her ear. But the light was not for her eye; the music was not for her +ear. The radiance and the harmony came from herself, from within her. +The intellect was numb. Only the heart was alive on this wonderful +midsummer's morning, and it was in her heart that the radiance shone and +the harmony vibrated. Back in his place once more, high on his throne, +the love that she believed had forever departed from her sat exalted and +triumphant, singing to the cadence of that unheard music, shining and +magnificent in the glory of that new-dawned light.</p> + +<p>Would Bennett live? Suddenly that question leaped up in her mind and +stood in the eye of her imagination, terrible, menacing—a hideous, grim +spectre, before which Lloyd quailed with failing heart and breath. The +light, the almost divine radiance that had burst upon her, nevertheless +threw a dreadful shadow before it. Beneath the music she heard the growl +of the thunder. Her new-found happiness was not without its accompanying +dismay. Love had not returned to her heart alone. With it had returned +the old Enemy she had once believed had left her forever. Now it had +come back. As before, it lurked and leered at her from dark corners. It +crept to her side, to her back, ready to leap, ready to strike, to +clutch at her throat with cold fingers and bear her to the earth, +rending her heart with a grief she told herself she could not endure and +live. She loved him now with all her mind and might; how could it ever +have been otherwise? He belonged to her—and she? Why, she only lived +with his life; she seemed so bound to him as to be part of his very +self. Literally, she could not understand how it would be possible for +her to live if he should die. It seemed to her that with his death some +mysterious element of her life, something vital and fundamental, for +which there was no name, would disintegrate upon the instant and leave +her without the strength necessary for further existence. But this +would, however, be a relief. The prospect of the years after his death, +the fearful loneliness of life without him, was a horror before which +she veritably believed her reason itself must collapse.</p> + +<p>"Lloyd."</p> + +<p>Bennett was awake again and watching her with feverish anxiety from +where he lay among the pillows. "Lloyd," he repeated, the voice once so +deep and powerful quavering pitifully. "I was wrong. I don't want you to +go. Don't leave me."</p> + +<p>In an instant Lloyd was at his side, kneeling by the bed. She caught one +of the great, gnarled hands, seamed and corded and burning with the +fever. "Never, never, dearest; never so long as I shall live."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="IX" id="IX"></a>IX.</h2> + + +<p>When Adler heard Bennett's uncertain steps upon the stairs and the sound +of Lloyd's voice speaking to him and urging that there was no hurry, and +that he was to take but one step at a time, he wheeled swiftly about +from the windows of the glass-room, where he had been watching the +October breeze stirring the crimson and yellow leaves in the orchard, +and drew back his master's chair from the breakfast table and stood +behind it expectantly, his eyes watching the door.</p> + +<p>Lloyd held back the door, and Bennett came in, leaning heavily on Dr. +Pitts's shoulder. Adler stiffened upon the instant as if in answer to +some unheard bugle-call, and when Bennett had taken his seat, pushed his +chair gently to the table and unfolded his napkin with a flourish as +though giving a banner to the wind. Pitts almost immediately left the +room, but Lloyd remained supervising Bennett's breakfast, pouring his +milk, buttering his toast, and opening his eggs.</p> + +<p>"Coffee?" suddenly inquired Bennett. Lloyd shook her head.</p> + +<p>"Not for another week."</p> + +<p>Bennett looked with grim disfavour upon the glass of milk that Lloyd had +placed at his elbow.</p> + +<p>"Such slop!" he growled. "Why not a little sugar and warm water, and be +done with it? Lloyd, I can't drink this stuff any more. Why, it's warm +yet!" he exclaimed aggrievedly and with deep disgust, abruptly setting +down the glass.</p> + +<p>"Why, of course it is," she answered; "we brought the cow here +especially for you, and the boy has just done milking her—and it's not +slop."</p> + +<p>"Slop! slop!" declared Bennett. He picked up the glass again and looked +at her over the rim.</p> + +<p>"I'll drink this stuff this one more time to please you," he said. "But +I promise you this will be the last time. You needn't ask me again. I +have drunk enough milk the past three weeks to support a foundling +hospital for a year."</p> + +<p>Invariably, since the period of his convalescence began, Bennett made +this scene over his hourly glass of milk, and invariably it ended by his +gulping it down at nearly a single swallow.</p> + +<p>Adler brought in the mail and the morning paper. Three letters had come +for Lloyd, and for Bennett a small volume on "Recent Arctic Research and +Exploration," sent by his publisher with a note to the effect that, as +the latest authority on the subject, Bennett was sure to find it of +great interest. In an appendix, inserted after the body of the book had +been made up, the Freja expedition and his own work were briefly +described. Lloyd put her letters aside, and, unfolding the paper, said, +"I'll read it while you eat your breakfast. Have you everything you +want? Did you drink your milk—all of it?" But out of the corner of her +eye she noted that Adler was chuckling behind the tray that he held to +his face, and with growing suspicion she leaned forward and peered about +among the breakfast things. Bennett had hidden his glass behind the +toast-rack.</p> + +<p>"And it's only two-thirds empty," she declared. "Ward, why will you be +such a boy?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, well," he grumbled, and without more ado drank off the balance.</p> + +<p>"Now I'll read to you if you have everything you want. Adler, I think +you can open one of those windows; it's so warm out of doors."</p> + +<p>While he ate his breakfast of toast, milk, and eggs Lloyd skimmed +through the paper, reading aloud everything she thought would be of +interest to him. Then, after a moment, her eye was caught and held by a +half-column article expanded from an Associated Press despatch.</p> + +<p>"Oh!" she cried, "listen to this!" and continued: "'Word has been +received at this place of the safe arrival of the arctic steamship +Curlew at Tasiusak, on the Greenland coast, bearing eighteen members of +the Duane-Parsons expedition. Captain Duane reports all well and an +uneventful voyage. It is his intention to pass the winter at Tasiusak, +collecting dogs and also Esquimau sledges, which he believes superior to +European manufacture for work in rubble-ice, and to push on with the +Curlew in the spring as soon as Smith Sound shall be navigable. This may +be later than Captain Duane supposes, as the whalers who have been +working in the sound during the past months bring back news of an +unusually early winter and extraordinary quantities of pack-ice both in +the sound itself and in Kane Basin. This means a proportionately late +open season next year, and the Curlew's departure from Tasiusak may be +considerably later than anticipated. It is considered by the best arctic +experts an unfortunate circumstance that Captain Duane elected to winter +south of Cape Sabine, as the condition of the ice in Smith Sound can +never be relied upon nor foretold. Should the entrance to the sound +still be encumbered with ice as late as July, which is by no means +impossible, Captain Duane will be obliged to spend another winter at +Tasiusak or Upernvick, consuming alike his store of provisions and the +patience of his men.'"</p> + +<p>There was a silence when Lloyd finished reading. Bennett chipped at the +end of his second egg.</p> + +<p>"Well?" she said at length.</p> + +<p>"Well," returned Bennett, "what's all that to me?"</p> + +<p>"It's your work," she answered almost vehemently.</p> + +<p>"No, indeed. It's Duane's work."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"Let him try now."</p> + +<p>"And you?" exclaimed Lloyd, looking intently at him.</p> + +<p>"My dear girl, I had my chance and failed. Now—" he raised a shoulder +indifferently—"now, I don't care much about it. I've lost interest."</p> + +<p>"I don't believe you," she cried energetically; "you of all men." Behind +Bennett's chair she had a momentary glimpse of Adler, who had tucked his +tray under his arm and was silently applauding in elaborate pantomime. +She saw his lips form the words "That's it; that's right. Go right +ahead."</p> + +<p>"Besides, I have my book to do, and, besides that, I'm an invalid—an +invalid who drinks slop."</p> + +<p>"And you intend to give it all up—your career?"</p> + +<p>"Well—if I should, what then?" Suddenly he turned to her abruptly. "I +should not think <i>you</i> would want me to go again. Do <i>you</i> urge me to +go?"</p> + +<p>Lloyd made a sudden little gasp, and her hand involuntarily closed upon +his as it rested near her on the table.</p> + +<p>"Oh, no!" she cried. "Oh, no, I don't! You are right. It's not your work +now."</p> + +<p>"Well, then," muttered Bennett as though the question was forever +settled.</p> + +<p>Lloyd turned to her mail, and one after another slit the envelopes, +woman fashion, with a shell hairpin. But while she was glancing over the +contents of her letters Bennett began to stir uneasily in his place. +From time to time he stopped eating and shot a glance at Lloyd from +under his frown, noting the crisp, white texture of her gown and waist, +the white scarf with its high, tight bands about the neck, the tiny, +golden buttons in her cuffs, the sombre, ruddy glow of her cheeks, her +dull-blue eyes, and the piles and coils of her bronze-red hair. Then, +abruptly, he said:</p> + +<p>"Adler, you can go."</p> + +<p>Adler saluted and withdrew.</p> + +<p>"Whom are your letters from?" Bennett demanded by way of a beginning.</p> + +<p>Lloyd replaced the hairpin in her hair, answering:</p> + +<p>"From Dr. Street, from Louise Douglass, and from—Mr. Campbell."</p> + +<p>"Hum! well, what do they say? Dr. Street and—Louise Douglass?"</p> + +<p>"Dr. Street asks me to take a very important surgical case as soon as I +get through here, 'one of the most important and delicate, as well as +one of the most interesting, operations in his professional experience.' +Those are his words. Louise writes four pages, but she says nothing; +just chatters."</p> + +<p>"And Campbell?" Bennett indicated with his chin the third rather +voluminous letter at Lloyd's elbow. "He seems to have written rather +more than four pages. What does he say? Does he 'chatter' too?"</p> + +<p>Lloyd smoothed back her hair from one temple.</p> + +<p>"H'm—no. He says—something. But never mind what he says. Ward, I must +be going back to the City. You don't need a nurse any more."</p> + +<p>"What's that?" Bennett's frown gathered on the instant, and with a sharp +movement of the head that was habitual to him he brought his one good +eye to bear upon her.</p> + +<p>Lloyd repeated her statement, answering his remonstrance and +expostulation with:</p> + +<p>"You are almost perfectly well, and it would not be at all—discreet for +me to stay here an hour longer than absolutely necessary. I shall go +back to-morrow or next day."</p> + +<p>"But, I tell you, I am still very sick. I'm a poor, miserable, shattered +wreck."</p> + +<p>He made a great show of coughing in hollow, lamentable tones.</p> + +<p>"Listen to that, and last night I had a high fever, and this morning I +had a queer sort of pain about here—" he vaguely indicated the region +of his chest. "I think I am about to have a relapse."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense! You can't frighten me at all."</p> + +<p>"Oh, well," he answered easily, "I shall go with you—that is all. I +suppose you want to see me venture out in such raw, bleak weather as +this—with my weak lungs."</p> + +<p>"Your weak lungs? How long since?"</p> + +<p>"Well, I—I've sometimes thought my lungs were not very strong."</p> + +<p>"Why, dear me, you poor thing; I suppose the climate at Kolyuchin Bay +<i>was</i> a trifle too bracing—"</p> + +<p>"What does Campbell say?"</p> + +<p>"—and the diet too rich for your blood—"</p> + +<p>"What does Campbell say?"</p> + +<p>"—and perhaps you did overexert—"</p> + +<p>"Lloyd Searight, what does Mr. Campbell say in that—"</p> + +<p>"He asks me to marry him."</p> + +<p>"To mum—mar—marry him? Well, damn his impudence!"</p> + +<p>"Mr. Campbell is an eminently respectable and worthy gentleman."</p> + +<p>"Oh, well, I don't care. Go! Go, marry Mr. Campbell. Be happy. I forgive +you both. Go, leave me to die alone."</p> + +<p>"Sir, I will go. Forget that you ever knew an unhappy wom—female, whose +only fault was that she loved you."</p> + +<p>"Go! and sometimes think of me far away on the billow and drop a silent +tear—I say, how are you going to answer Campbell's letter?"</p> + +<p>"Just one word—'<i>Come</i>.'"</p> + +<p>"Lloyd, be serious. This is no joke."</p> + +<p>"Joke!" she repeated hollowly. "It is, indeed, a sorry joke. Ah! had I +but loved with a girlish love, it would have been better for me."</p> + +<p>Then suddenly she caught him about the neck with both her arms, and +kissed him on the cheek and on the lips, a little quiver running through +her to her finger-tips, her mood changing abruptly to a deep, sweet +earnestness.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Ward, Ward!" she cried, "all our unhappiness and all our sorrow and +trials and anxiety and cruel suspense are over now, and now we really +have each other and love each other, dear, and all the years to come are +only going to bring happiness to us, and draw us closer and nearer to +each other."</p> + +<p>"But here's a point, Lloyd," said Bennett after a few moments and when +they had returned to coherent speech; "how about your work? You talk +about my career; what about yours? We are to be married, but I know just +how you have loved your work. It will be a hard wrench for you if you +give that up. I am not sure that I should ask it of you. This letter of +Street's, now. I know just how eager you must be to take charge of such +operations—such important cases as he mentions. It would be very +selfish of me to ask you to give up your work. It's your life-work, your +profession, your career."</p> + +<p>Lloyd took up Dr. Street's letter, and, holding it delicately at arm's +length, tore it in two and let the pieces flutter to the floor.</p> + +<p>"That, for my life-work," said Lloyd Searight.</p> + +<p>As she drew back from him an instant later Bennett all at once and very +earnestly demanded:</p> + +<p>"Lloyd, do you love me?"</p> + +<p>"With all my heart, Ward."</p> + +<p>"And you will be my wife?"</p> + +<p>"You know that I will."</p> + +<p>"Then"—Bennett picked up the little volume of "Arctic Research" which +he had received that morning, and tossed it from him upon the +floor—"that, for my career," he answered.</p> + +<p>For a moment they were silent, looking gladly into each other's eyes. +Then Bennett drew her to him again and held her close to him, and once +more she put her arms around his neck and nestled her head down upon his +shoulder with a little comfortable sigh of contentment and relief and +quiet joy, for that the long, fierce trial was over; that there were no +more fights to be fought, no more grim, hard situations to face, no more +relentless duties to be done. She had endured and she had prevailed; now +her reward was come. Now for the long, calm years of happiness.</p> + +<p>Later in the day, about an hour after noon, Bennett took his daily nap, +carefully wrapped in shawls and stretched out in a wicker steamer-chair +in the glass-room. Lloyd, in the meantime, was busy in the garden at the +side of the house, gathering flowers which she intended to put in a huge +china bowl in Bennett's room. While she was thus occupied Adler, +followed by Kamiska, came up. Adler pulled off his cap.</p> + +<p>"I beg pardon, Miss," he began, turning his cap about between his +fingers. "I don't want to seem to intrude, and if I do I just guess +you'd better tell me so first off. But what did he say—or did he say +anything—the captain, I mean—this morning about going up again? I +heard you talking to him at breakfast. That's it, that's the kind of +talk he needs. I can't talk that talk to him. I'm so main scared of him. +I wouldn't 'a' believed the captain would ever say he'd give up, would +ever say he was beaten. But, Miss, I'm thinking as there's something +wrong, main wrong with the captain these days besides fever. He's +getting soft—that's what he is. If you'd only know the man that he +was—before—while we was up there in the Ice! That's his work, that's +what he's cut out for. There ain't nobody can do it but him, and to see +him quit, to see him chuck up his chance to a third-rate ice-pilot like +Duane—a coastwise college professor that don't know no more about Ice +than—than you do—it regularly makes me sick. Why, what will become of +the captain now if he quits? He'll just settle down to an ordinary +stay-at-home, write-in-a-book professor, and write articles for the +papers and magazines, and bye-and-bye, maybe, he'll get down to +lecturing! Just fancy, Miss, him, the captain, lecturing! And while he +stays at home and writes, and—oh, Lord!—lectures, somebody else, +without a fifth of his ability, will do the <i>work</i>. It'll just naturally +break my heart, it will!" exclaimed Adler, "if the captain chucks. I +wouldn't be so main sorry that he won't reach the Pole as that he quit +trying—as that a man like the captain—or like what I thought he +was—gave up and chucked when he could win."</p> + +<p>"But, Adler," returned Lloyd, "the captain—Mr. Bennett, it seems to me, +has done his share. Think what he's been through. You can't have +forgotten the march to Kolyuchin Bay?"</p> + +<p>But Adler made an impatient gesture with the hand that held the cap. +"The danger don't figure; what he'd have to go through with don't +figure; the chances of life or death don't figure; nothing in the world +don't figure. <i>It's his work</i>; God A'mighty cut him out for that, and +he's got to do it. Ain't you got any influence with him, Miss? Won't you +talk good talk to him? Don't let him chuck; don't let him get soft. Make +him be a Man and not a professor."</p> + +<p>When Adler had left her Lloyd sank into a little seat at the edge of the +garden walk, and let the flowers drop into her lap, and leaned back in +her place, wide-eyed and thoughtful, reviewing in her imagination the +events of the past few months. What a change that summer had brought to +both of them; how they had been shaped anew in the mould of +circumstance!</p> + +<p>Suddenly and without warning, they two, high-spirited, strong, +determined, had clashed together, the man's force against the woman's +strength; and the woman, inherently weaker, had been crushed and +humbled. For a time it seemed to her that she had been broken beyond +hope; so humbled that she could never rise again; as though a great +crisis had developed in her life, and that, having failed once, she must +fail again, and again, and again—as if her whole subsequent life must +be one long failure. But a greater crisis had followed hard upon the +heels of the first—the struggle with self, the greatest struggle of +all. Against the abstract principle of evil the woman who had failed in +the material conflict with a masculine, masterful will, had succeeded, +had conquered self, had been true when it was easy to be false, had +dared the judgment of her peers so only that she might not deceive.</p> + +<p>Her momentary, perhaps fancied, hatred of Bennett, who had so cruelly +misunderstood and humiliated her, had apparently, of its own accord, +departed from her heart. Then had come the hour when the strange hazard +of fortune had reversed their former positions, when she could be +masterful while he was weak; when it was the man's turn to be broken, to +be prevailed against. Her own discomfiture had been offset by his. She +no longer need look to him as her conqueror, her master. And when she +had seen him so weak, so pathetically unable to resist the lightest +pressure of her hand; when it was given her not only to witness but to +relieve his suffering, the great love for him that could not die had +returned. With the mastery of self had come the forgetfulness of self; +and her profession, her life-work, of which she had been so proud, had +seemed to her of small concern. Now she was his, and his life was hers. +She should—so she told herself—be henceforward happy in his happiness, +and her only pride would be the pride in his achievements.</p> + +<p>But now the unexpected had happened, and Bennett had given up his +career. During the period of Bennett's convalescence Lloyd had often +talked long and earnestly with him, and partly from what he had told her +and partly from much that she inferred she had at last been able to +trace out and follow the mental processes and changes through which +Bennett had passed. He, too, had been proved by fire; he, too, had had +his ordeal, his trial.</p> + +<p>By nature, by training, and by virtue of the life he lived Bennett had +been a man, harsh, somewhat brutal, inordinately selfish, and at all +times magnificently arrogant. He had neither patience nor toleration for +natural human weakness. While selfish, he was not self-conscious, and it +never occurred to him, it was impossible for him to see that he was a +giant among men. His heart was callous; his whole nature and character +hard and flinty from the buffetings he gave rather than received.</p> + +<p>Then had come misfortune. Ferriss had died, and Bennett's recognition +and acknowledgment of the fact that he, Ward Bennett, who never failed, +who never blundered, had made at last the great and terrible error of +his life, had shaken his character to its very foundations. This was +only the beginning; the breach once made, Humanity entered into the +gloomy, waste places of his soul; remorse crowded hard upon his wonted +arrogance; generosity and the impulse to make amends took the place of +selfishness; kindness thrust out the native brutality; the old-time +harshness and imperiousness gave way to a certain spirit of toleration.</p> + +<p>It was the influence of these new emotions that had moved Bennett to +make the statement to Adler that had so astonished and perplexed his +old-time subordinate. He, Bennett, too, like Lloyd, was at that time +endeavouring to free himself from a false position, and through the +medium of confession stand in his true colours in the eyes of his +associates. Unconsciously they were both working out their salvation +along the same lines.</p> + +<p>Then had come Bennett's resolve to give Ferriss the conspicuous and +prominent place in his book, the account of the expedition. The more +Bennett dwelt upon Ferriss's heroism, intelligence, and ability the more +his task became a labour of love, and the more the idea of self dropped +away from his thought and imagination. Then—and perhaps this was not +the least important factor in Bennett's transformation—sickness had +befallen; the strong and self-reliant man had been brought to the +weakness of a child, whom the pressure of a finger could control. He +suddenly changed places with the woman he believed he had, at such +fearful cost, broken and subdued. His physical strength, once so +enormous, was as a reed in the woman's hand; his will, so indomitable, +was as powerless as an infant's before the woman's calm resolve, rising +up there before him and overmastering him at a time he believed it to be +forever weakened.</p> + +<p>Bennett had come forth from the ordeal chastened, softened, and humbled. +But he was shattered, broken, brought to the earth with sorrow and the +load of unavailing regret. Ambition was numb and lifeless within him. +Reaction from his former attitude of aggression and defiance had carried +him far beyond the normal.</p> + +<p>Here widened the difference between the man and the woman. Lloyd's +discontinuance of her life-work had been in the nature of heroic +subjugation of self. Bennett's abandonment of his career was hardly +better than weakness. In the one it had been renunciation; in the other +surrender. In the end, and after all was over, it was the woman who +remained the stronger.</p> + +<p>But for her, the woman, was it true that all was over? Had the last +conflict been fought? Was it not rather to be believed that life was one +long conflict? Was it not for her, Lloyd, to rouse that sluggard +ambition? Was not this her career, after all, to be his inspiration, his +incentive, to urge him to the accomplishment of a great work? Now, of +the two, she was the stronger. In these new conditions what was her +duty? Adler's clumsy phrases persisted in her mind. "That's his work," +Adler had said. "God Almighty cut him out for that, and he's got to do +it. Don't let him chuck, don't let him get soft; make him be a man and +not a professor."</p> + +<p>Had she so much influence over Bennett? Could she rouse the restless, +daring spirit again? Perhaps; but what would it mean for her—for her, +who must be left behind to wait, and wait, and wait—for three years, +for five years, for ten years—perhaps forever? And now, at this moment, +when she believed that at last happiness had come to her; when the duty +had been done, the grim problems solved; when sickness had been +overcome; when love had come back, and the calm, untroubled days seemed +lengthening out ahead, there came to her recollection the hideous lapse +of time that had intervened between the departure of the Freja and the +expedition's return; what sleepless nights, what days of unspeakable +suspense, what dreadful alternations between hope and despair, what +silent, repressed suffering, what haunting, ever-present dread of a +thing she dared not name! Was the Fear to come into her life again; the +Enemy that lurked and leered and forebore to strike, that hung upon her +heels at every hour of the day, that sat down with her to her every +occupation, that followed after when she stirred abroad, that came close +to her in the still watches of the night, creeping, creeping to her +bedside, looming over her in the darkness; the cold fingers reaching +closer and closer, the awful face growing ever more distinct, till the +suspense of waiting for the blow to fall, for the fingers to grip, +became more than she could bear, and she sprang from her bed with a +stifled sob of anguish, driven from her rest with quivering lips and +streaming eyes?</p> + +<p>Abruptly Lloyd rose to her feet, the flowers falling unheeded from her +lap, her arms rigid at her side, her hands shut tight.</p> + +<p>"No," she murmured, "I cannot. This, at last, is more than I can do."</p> + +<p>Instantly Adler's halting words went ringing through her brain: "The +danger don't figure; nothing in the world don't figure. It's his work."</p> + +<p>Adler's words were the words of the world. She alone of the thousands +whose eyes were turned toward Bennett was blinded. She was wrong. She +belonged to him, but he did not belong to her. The world demanded him; +the world called him from her side to do the terrible work that God had +made him for. Was she, because she loved him, because of her own single +anguish, to stand between him and the clamour of the world, between him +and his work, between him and God?</p> + +<p>A work there was for him to do. He must play the man's part. The battle +must be fought again. That horrible, grisly Enemy far up there to the +north, upon the high curve of the globe, the shoulder of the world, +huge, remorseless, terrible in its vast, Titanic strength, guarding its +secret through all the centuries in the innermost of a thousand gleaming +coils, must be defied again. The monster that defended the great prize, +the object of so many fruitless quests must be once more attacked.</p> + +<p>His was the work, for him the shock of battle, the rigour of the fight, +the fierce assault, the ceaseless onset, the unfailing and unflinching +courage.</p> + +<p>Hers was the woman's part. Already she had assumed it; steadfast +unselfishness, renunciation, patience, the heroism greater than all +others, that sits with folded hands, quiet, unshaken, and under fearful +stress, endures, and endures, and endures. To be the inspiration of +great deeds, high hopes, and firm resolves, and then, while the fight +was dared, to wait in calmness for its issue—that was her duty, that, +the woman's part in the world's great work.</p> + +<p>Lloyd was dimly conscious of a certain sweet and subtle element in her +love for Bennett that only of late she had begun to recognise and be +aware of. This was a certain vague protective, almost maternal, +instinct. Perhaps it was because of his present weakness both of body +and character, or perhaps it was an element always to be found in the +deep and earnest love of any noble-hearted woman. She felt that she, not +as herself individually, but as a woman, was not only stronger than +Bennett, but in a manner older, more mature. She was conscious of depths +in her nature far greater than in his, and also that she was capable of +attaining heights of heroism, devotion, and sacrifice which he, for all +his masculine force, could not only never reach, but could not even +conceive of. It was this consciousness of her larger, better nature that +made her feel for Bennett somewhat as a mother feels for a son, a sister +for her younger brother. A great tenderness mingled with her affection, +a vast and almost divine magnanimity, a broad, womanly pity for his +shortcomings, his errors, his faults. It was to her he must look for +encouragement. It was for her to bind up and reshape the great energy +that had been so rudely checked, and not only to call back his strength, +but to guide it and direct into its appointed channels.</p> + +<p>Lloyd returned toward the glass-enclosed veranda to find Bennett just +arousing from his nap. She drew the shawls closer about him and +rearranged the pillows under his head, and then sat down on the steps +near at hand.</p> + +<p>"Tell me about this Captain Duane," she began. "Where is he now?"</p> + +<p>Bennett yawned and passed his hand across his face, rubbing the sleep +from his eyes.</p> + +<p>"What time is it? I must have slept over an hour. Duane? Why, you saw +what the paper said. I presume he is at Tasiusak."</p> + +<p>"Do you think he will succeed? Do you think he will reach the Pole? +Adler thinks he won't."</p> + +<p>"Oh, perhaps, if he has luck and an open season."</p> + +<p>"But tell me, why does he take so many men? Isn't that contrary to the +custom? I know a great deal about arctic work. While you were away I +read every book I could get upon the subject. The best work has been +done with small expeditions. If you should go again—when you go again, +will you take so many? I saw you quoted somewhere as being in favour of +only six or eight men."</p> + +<p>"Ten should be the limit—but some one else will make the attempt now. +I'm out of it. I tried and failed."</p> + +<p>"Failed—you! The idea of you ever failing, of you ever giving up! Of +course it was all very well to joke this morning about giving up your +career; but I know you will be up and away again only too soon. I am +trying to school myself to expect that."</p> + +<p>"Lloyd, I tell you that I am out of it. I don't believe the Pole ever +can be reached, and I don't much care whether it is reached or not."</p> + +<p>Suddenly Lloyd turned to him, the unwonted light flashing in her eyes. +"<i>I</i> do, though," she cried vehemently. "It can be done, and +we—America—ought to do it."</p> + +<p>Bennett stared at her, startled by her outburst.</p> + +<p>"This English expedition," Lloyd continued, the colour flushing in her +cheeks, "this Duane-Parsons expedition, they will have the start of +everybody next year. Nearly every attempt that is made now establishes a +new record for a high latitude. One nation after another is creeping +nearer and nearer almost every year, and each expedition is profiting by +the experiences and observations made by the one that preceded it. Some +day, and not very long now, some nation is going to succeed and plant +its flag there at last. Why should it not be us? Why shouldn't <i>our</i> +flag be first at the Pole? We who have had so many heroes, such great +sailors, such splendid leaders, such explorers—our Stanleys, our +Farraguts, our Decaturs, our De Longs, our Lockwoods—how we would stand +ashamed before the world if some other nation should succeed where we +have all but succeeded—Norway, or France, or Russia, or +England—profiting by our experiences, following where we have made the +way!"</p> + +<p>"That is very fine," admitted Bennett. "It would be a great honour, the +greatest perhaps; and once—I—well, I had my ambitions, too. But it's +all different now. Something in me died when—Dick—when—I—oh, let +Duane try. Let him do his best. I know it can't be done, and if he +should win, I would be the first to wire congratulations. Lloyd, I don't +care. I've lost interest. I suppose it is my punishment. I'm out of the +race. I'm a back number. I'm down."</p> + +<p>Lloyd shook her head.</p> + +<p>"I don't—I can't believe you."</p> + +<p>"Do you want to see me go," demanded Bennett, "after this last +experience? Do you urge me to it?"</p> + +<p>Lloyd turned her head away, leaning it against one of the veranda +pillars. A sudden dimness swam in her eyes, the choking ache she knew so +well came to her throat. Ah, life was hard for her. The very greatness +of her nature drove from her the happiness so constantly attained by +little minds, by commonplace souls. When was it to end, this continual +sacrifice of inclination to duty, this eternal abnegation, this yielding +up of herself, her dearest, most cherished wishes to the demands of duty +and the great world?</p> + +<p>"I don't know what I want," she said faintly. "It don't seem as if one +<i>could</i> be happy—very long."</p> + +<p>All at once she moved close to him and laid her cheek upon the arm of +his chair and clasped his hand in both her own, murmuring: "But I have +you now, I have you now, no matter what is coming to us."</p> + +<p>A sense of weakness overcame her. What did she care that Bennett should +fulfil his destiny, should round out his career, should continue to be +the Great Man? It was he, Bennett, that she loved—not his greatness, +not his career. Let it all go, let ambition die, let others less worthy +succeed in the mighty task. What were fame and honour and glory and the +sense of a divinely appointed duty done at last to the clasp of his hand +and the sound of his voice?</p> + +<p>In November of that year Lloyd and Bennett were married. Two guests only +assisted at the ceremony. These were Campbell and his little daughter +Hattie.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="X" id="X"></a>X.</h2> + + +<p>The months passed; Christmas came and went. Until then the winter had +been unusually mild, but January set in with a succession of vicious +cold snaps and great blustering winds out of the northeast. Lloyd and +Bennett had elected to remain quietly in their new home at Medford. They +had no desire to travel, and Bennett's forthcoming book demanded his +attention. Adler stayed on about the house. He and the dog Kamiska were +companions inseparable. At long intervals visitors presented +themselves—Dr. Street, or Pitts, or certain friends of Bennett's. But +the great rush of interviewers, editors, and projectors of marvellous +schemes that had crowded Bennett's anterooms during the spring and early +summer was conspicuously dwindling. The press ceased to speak of him; +even his mail had fallen away. Now, whenever the journals of the day +devoted space to arctic exploration, it was invariably in reference to +the English expedition wintering on the Greenland coast. That world that +had clamoured so loudly upon Bennett's return, while, perhaps, not yet +forgetting him, was already ignoring him, was looking in other +directions. Another man was in the public eye.</p> + +<p>But in every sense these two—Lloyd and Bennett—were out of the world. +They had freed themselves from the current of affairs. They stood aside +while the great tide went careering past swift and turbulent, and one of +them at least lacked even the interest to look on and watch its +progress.</p> + +<p>For a time Lloyd was supremely happy. Their life was unbroken, +uneventful. The calm, monotonous days of undisturbed happiness to which +she had looked forward were come at last. Thus it was always to be. +Isolated and apart, she could shut her ears to the thunder of the +world's great tide that somewhere, off beyond the hills in the direction +of the City, went swirling through its channels. Hardly an hour went by +that she and Bennett were not together. Lloyd had transferred her stable +to her new home; Lewis was added to the number of their servants, and +until Bennett's old-time vigour completely returned to him she drove out +almost daily with her husband, covering the country for miles around.</p> + +<p>Much of their time, however, they spent in Bennett's study. This was a +great apartment in the rear of the house, scantily, almost meanly, +furnished. Papers littered the floor; bundles of manuscripts, lists, +charts, and observations, the worn and battered tin box of records, +note-books, journals, tables of logarithms were piled upon Bennett's +desk. A bookcase crammed with volumes of reference, statistical +pamphlets, and the like stood between the windows, while one of the +walls was nearly entirely occupied by a vast map of the arctic circle, +upon which the course of the Freja, her drift in the pack, and the route +of the expedition's southerly march were accurately plotted.</p> + +<p>The room was bare of ornament; the desk and a couple of chairs were its +only furniture. Pictures there were none. Their places were taken by +photographs and a great blue print of the shipbuilder's plans and +specifications of the Freja.</p> + +<p>The photographs were some of those that Dennison had made of the +expedition—the Freja nipped in the ice, a group of the officers and +crew upon the forward deck, the coast of Wrangel Island, Cape Kammeni, +peculiar ice formations, views of the pack under different conditions +and temperatures, pressure-ridges and scenes of the expedition's daily +life in the arctic, bear-hunts, the manufacture of sledges, dog-teams, +Bennett taking soundings and reading the wind-gauge, and one, the last +view of the Freja, taken just as the ship—her ice-sheathed dripping +bows heaved high in the air, the flag still at the peak—sank from +sight.</p> + +<p>However, on the wall over the blue-print plans of the Freja, one of the +boat's flags, that had been used by the expedition throughout all the +time of its stay in the ice, hung suspended—a faded, tattered square of +stars and bars.</p> + +<p>As the new life settled quietly and evenly to its grooves a routine +began to develop. About an hour after breakfast Lloyd and Bennett shut +themselves in Bennett's "workroom," as he called it, Lloyd taking her +place at the desk. She had become his amanuensis, had insisted upon +writing to his dictation.</p> + +<p>"Look at that manuscript," she had exclaimed one day, turning the sheets +that Bennett had written; "literally the very worst handwriting I have +ever seen. What do you suppose a printer would make out of your 'thes' +and 'ands'? It's hieroglyphics, you know," she informed him gravely, +nodding her head at him.</p> + +<p>It was quite true. Bennett wrote with amazing rapidity and with ragged, +vigorous strokes of the pen, not unfrequently driving the point through +the paper itself; his script was pothooks, clumsy, slanting in all +directions, all but illegible. In the end Lloyd had almost pushed him +from his place at the desk, taking the pen from between his fingers, +exclaiming:</p> + +<p>"Get up! Give me your chair—and that pen. Handwriting like that is +nothing else but a sin."</p> + +<p>Bennett allowed her to bully him, protesting merely for the enjoyment of +squabbling with her.</p> + +<p>"Come, I like this. What are you doing in my workroom anyhow, Mrs. +Bennett? I think you had better go to your housework."</p> + +<p>"Don't talk," she answered. "Here are your notes and journal. Now tell +me what to write."</p> + +<p>In the end matters adjusted themselves. Daily Lloyd took her place at +the desk, pen in hand, the sleeve of her right arm rolled back to the +elbow (a habit of hers whenever writing, and which Bennett found to be +charming beyond words), her pen travelling steadily from line to line. +He on his part paced the floor, a cigar between his teeth, his notes and +note-books in his hand, dictating comments of his own, or quoting from +the pages, stained, frayed, and crumpled, written by the light of the +auroras, the midnight suns, or the unsteady, flickering of train-oil +lanterns and blubber-lamps.</p> + +<p>What long, delicious hours they spent thus, as the winter drew on, in +the absolute quiet of that country house, ignored and lost in the brown, +bare fields and leafless orchards of the open country! No one troubled +them. No one came near them. They asked nothing better than that the +world wherein they once had lived, whose hurtling activity and febrile +unrest they both had known so well, should leave them alone.</p> + +<p>Only one jarring note, and that none too resonant, broke the long +harmony of Lloyd's happiness during these days. Bennett was deaf to it; +but for Lloyd it vibrated continuously and, as time passed, with +increasing insistence and distinctness. But for one person in the world +Lloyd could have told herself that her life was without a single element +of discontent.</p> + +<p>This was Adler. It was not that his presence about the house was a +reproach to Bennett's wife, for the man was scrupulously unobtrusive. He +had the instinctive delicacy that one sometimes discovers in simple, +undeveloped natures—seafaring folk especially—and though he could not +bring himself to leave his former chief, he had withdrawn himself more +than ever from notice since the time of Bennett's marriage. He rarely +even waited on the table these days, for Lloyd and Bennett often chose +to breakfast and dine quite to themselves.</p> + +<p>But, for all that, Lloyd saw Adler from time to time, Kamiska invariably +at his heels. She came upon him polishing the brasses upon the door of +the house, or binding strips of burlaps and sacking about the +rose-bushes in the garden, or returning from the village post-office +with the mail, invariably wearing the same woollen cap, the old +pea-jacket, and the jersey with the name "Freja" upon the breast. He +rarely spoke to her unless she first addressed him, and then always with +a precise salute, bringing his heels sharply together, standing stiffly +at attention.</p> + +<p>But the man, though all unwittingly, radiated gloom. Lloyd readily saw +that Adler was labouring under a certain cloud of disappointment and +deferred hope. Naturally she understood the cause. Lloyd was too +large-hearted to feel any irritation at the sight of Adler. But she +could not regard him with indifference. To her mind he stood for all +that Bennett had given up, for the great career that had stopped +half-way, for the work half done, the task only half completed. In a way +was not Adler now superior to Bennett? His one thought and aim and hope +was to "try again." His ambition was yet alive and alight; the soldier +was willing where the chief lost heart. Never again had Adler addressed +himself to Lloyd on the subject of Bennett's inactivity. Now he seemed +to understand—to realise that once married—and to Lloyd—he must no +longer expect Bennett to continue the work. All this Lloyd interpreted +from Adler's attitude, and again and again told herself that she could +read the man's thoughts aright. She even fancied she caught a mute +appeal in his eyes upon those rare occasions when they met, as though he +looked to her as the only hope, the only means to wake Bennett from his +lethargy. She imagined that she heard him say:</p> + +<p>"Ain't you got any influence with him, Miss? Won't you talk good talk to +him? Don't let him chuck. Make him be a man, and not a professor. +Nothing else in the world don't figure. It's his work. God A'mighty cut +him out for that, and he's got to do it."</p> + +<p>His work, his work, God made him for that; appointed the task, made the +man, and now she came between. God, Man, and the Work,—the three vast +elements of an entire system, the whole universe epitomised in the +tremendous trinity. Again and again such thoughts assailed her. Duty +once more stirred and awoke. It seemed to her as if some great engine +ordained of Heaven to run its appointed course had come to a standstill, +was rusting to its ruin, and that she alone of all the world had power +to grasp its lever, to send it on its way; whither, she did not know; +why, she could not tell. She knew only that it was right that she should +act. By degrees her resolution hardened. Bennett must try again. But at +first it seemed to her as though her heart would break, and more than +once she wavered.</p> + +<p>As Bennett continued to dictate to her the story of the expedition he +arrived at the account of the march toward Kolyuchin Bay, and, finally, +at the description of the last week, with its terrors, its sufferings, +its starvation, its despair, when, one by one, the men died in their +sleeping-bags, to be buried under slabs of ice. When this point in the +narrative was reached Bennett inserted no comment of his own; but while +Lloyd wrote, read simply and with grim directness from the entries in +his journal precisely as they had been written.</p> + +<p>Lloyd had known in a vague way that the expedition had suffered +abominably, but hitherto Bennett had never consented to tell her the +story in detail. "It was a hard week," he informed her, "a rather bad +grind."</p> + +<p>Now, for the first time, she was to know just what had happened, just +what he had endured.</p> + +<p>As usual, Bennett paced the floor from wall to wall, his cigar in his +teeth, his tattered, grimy ice-journal in his hand. At the desk Lloyd's +round, bare arm, the sleeve turned up to the elbow, moved evenly back +and forth as she wrote. In the intervals of Bennett's dictation the +scratching of Lloyd's pen made itself heard. A little fire snapped and +crackled on the hearth. The morning's sun came flooding in at the +windows.</p> + +<p>"... Gale of wind from the northeast," prompted Lloyd, raising her head +from her writing. Bennett continued:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Impossible to march against it in our weakened condition.</p></div> + +<p>He paused for her to complete the sentence.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>... Must camp here till it abates....</p></div> + +<p>"Have you got that?" Lloyd nodded.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>... Made soup of the last of the dog-meat this afternoon.... Our +last pemmican gone.</p></div> + +<p>There was a pause; then Bennett resumed:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>December 1st, Wednesday—Everybody getting weaker.... Metz breaking +down.... Sent Adler to the shore to gather shrimps ... we had about +a mouthful apiece at noon ... supper, a spoonful of glycerine and +hot water.</p></div> + +<p>Lloyd put her hand to her temple, smoothing back her hair, her face +turned away. As before, in the park, on that warm and glowing summer +afternoon, a swift, clear vision of the Ice was vouchsafed to her. She +saw the coast of Kolyuchin Bay—primordial desolation, whirling +dust-like snow, the unleashed wind yelling like a sabbath of witches, +leaping and somersaulting from rock to rock, folly-stricken and +insensate in its hideous dance of death. Bennett continued. His voice +insensibly lowered itself, a certain gravity of manner came upon him. At +times he looked at the written pages in his hand with vague, unseeing +eyes. No doubt he, too, was remembering.</p> + +<p>He resumed:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>December 2d, Thursday—Metz died during the night.... Hansen dying. +Still blowing a gale from the northeast.... A hard night.</p></div> + +<p>Lloyd's pen moved slower and slower as she wrote. The lines of the +manuscript began to blur and swim before her eyes.</p> + +<p>And it was to this that she must send him. To this inhuman, horrible +region; to this life of prolonged suffering, where death came slowly +through days of starvation, exhaustion, and agony hourly renewed. He +must dare it all again. She must force him to it. Her decision had been +taken; her duty was plain to her. Now it was irrevocable.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>... Hansen died during early morning.... Dennison breaking down....</p> + +<p>... December 5th—Sunday—Dennison found dead this morning between +Adler and myself....</p></div> + +<p>The vision became plainer, more distinct. She fancied she saw the +interior of the tent and the dwindling number of the Freja's survivors +moving about on their hands and knees in its gloomy half-light. Their +hair and beards were long, their faces black with dirt, monstrously +distended and fat with the bloated irony of starvation. They were no +longer men. After that unspeakable stress of misery nothing but the +animal remained.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>... Too weak to bury him, or even carry him out of the tent.... He +must lie where he is.... Last spoonful of glycerine and hot +water.... Divine service at 5:30 P.M....</p></div> + +<p>Once more Lloyd faltered in her writing; her hand moved slower. Shut her +teeth though she might, the sobs would come; swiftly the tears brimmed +her eyes, but she tried to wink them back, lest Bennett should see. +Heroically she wrote to the end of the sentence. A pause followed:</p> + +<p>"Yes—' divine services at'—I—I—"</p> + +<p>The pen dropped from her fingers and she sank down upon her desk, her +head bowed in the hollow of her bare arm, shaken from head to foot with +the violence of the crudest grief she had ever known. Bennett threw his +journal from him, and came to her, taking her in his arms, putting her +head upon his shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Why, Lloyd, what is it—why, old chap, what the devil! I was a beast to +read that to you. It wasn't really as bad as that, you know, and +besides, look here, look at me. It all happened three years ago. It's +all over with now."</p> + +<p>Without raising her head, and clinging to him all the closer, Lloyd +answered brokenly:</p> + +<p>"No, no; it's not all over. It never, never will be."</p> + +<p>"Pshaw, nonsense!" Bennett blustered, "you must not take it to heart +like this. We're going to forget all about it now. Here, damn the book, +anyhow! We've had enough of it to-day. Put your hat on. We'll have the +ponies out and drive somewhere. And to-night we'll go into town and see +a show at a theatre."</p> + +<p>"No," protested Lloyd, pushing back from him, drying her eyes. "You +shall not think I'm so weak. We will go on with what we have to do—with +our work. I'm all right now."</p> + +<p>Bennett marched her out of the room without more ado, and, following +her, closed and locked the door behind them. "We'll not write another +word of that stuff to-day. Get your hat and things. I'm going out to +tell Lewis to put the ponies in."</p> + +<p>But that day marked a beginning. From that time on Lloyd never faltered, +and if there were moments when the iron bit deeper than usual into her +heart, Bennett never knew her pain. By degrees a course of action +planned itself for her. A direct appeal to Bennett she believed would +not only be useless, but beyond even her heroic courage. She must +influence him indirectly. The initiative must appear to come from him. +It must seem to him that he, of his own accord, roused his dormant +resolution. It was a situation that called for all her feminine tact, +all her delicacy, all her instinctive diplomacy.</p> + +<p>The round of their daily life was renewed, but now there was a change. +It was subtle, illusive, a vague, indefinite trouble in the air. Lloyd +had addressed herself to her task, and from day to day, from hour to +hour, she held to it, unseen, unnoticed. Now it was a remark dropped as +if by chance in the course of conversation; now an extract cut from a +newspaper or scientific journal, and left where Bennett would find it; +now merely a look in her eyes, an instant's significant glance when her +gaze met her husband's, or a moment's enthusiasm over the news of some +discovery. Insensibly and with infinite caution she directed his +attention to the world he believed he had abjured; she called into being +his interest in his own field of action, reading to him by the hour from +the writings of other men, or advancing and championing theories which +she knew to be false and ridiculous, but which she goaded him to deny +and refute.</p> + +<p>One morning she even feigned an exclamation of unbounded astonishment as +she opened the newspaper while the two were at breakfast, pretending to +read from imaginary headlines.</p> + +<p>"Ward, listen! 'The Pole at Last. A Norwegian Expedition Solves the +Mystery of the Arctic. The Goal Reached After—'"</p> + +<p>"What!" cried Bennett sharply, his frown lowering.</p> + +<p>"'—After Centuries of Failure.'" Lloyd put down the paper with a note +of laughter.</p> + +<p>"Suppose you should read it some day."</p> + +<p>Bennett subsided with a good-humoured growl.</p> + +<p>"You did scare me for a moment. I thought—I thought—"</p> + +<p>"I did scare you? Why were you scared? What did you think?" She leaned +toward him eagerly.</p> + +<p>"I thought—well—oh—that some other chap, Duane, perhaps—"</p> + +<p>"He's still at Tasiusak. But he will succeed, I do believe. I've read a +great deal about him. He has energy and determination. If anybody +succeeds it will be Duane."</p> + +<p>"He? Never!"</p> + +<p>"Somebody, then."</p> + +<p>"You said once that if your husband couldn't nobody could."</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes, I know," she answered cheerfully. "But you—you are out of +it now."</p> + +<p>"Huh!" he grumbled. "It's not because I don't think I could if I wanted +to."</p> + +<p>"No, you could not, Ward. Nobody can."</p> + +<p>"But you just said you thought somebody would some day."</p> + +<p>"Did I? Oh, suppose you really should one of these days!"</p> + +<p>"And suppose I never came back?"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense! Of course you would come back. They all do nowadays."</p> + +<p>"De Long didn't."</p> + +<p>"But you are not De Long."</p> + +<p>And for the rest of the day Lloyd noted with a sinking heart that +Bennett was unusually thoughtful and preoccupied. She said nothing, and +was studious to avoid breaking in upon his reflections, whatever they +might be. She kept out of his way as much as possible, but left upon his +desk, as if by accident, a copy of a pamphlet issued by a geographical +society, open at an article upon the future of exploration within the +arctic circle. At supper that night Bennett suddenly broke in upon a +rather prolonged silence with:</p> + +<p>"It's all in the ship. Build a ship strong enough to withstand lateral +pressure of the ice and the whole thing becomes easy."</p> + +<p>Lloyd yawned and stirred her tea indifferently as she answered:</p> + +<p>"Yes, but you know that can't be done."</p> + +<p>Bennett frowned thoughtfully, drumming upon the table.</p> + +<p>"I'll wager <i>I</i> could build one."</p> + +<p>"But it's not the ship alone. It's the man. Whom would you get to +command your ship?"</p> + +<p>Bennett stared.</p> + +<p>"Why, I would take her, of course."</p> + +<p>"You? You have had your share—your chance. Now you can afford to stay +home and finish your book—and—well, you might deliver lectures."</p> + +<p>"What rot, Lloyd! Can you see me posing on a lecture platform?"</p> + +<p>"I would rather see you doing that than trying to beat Duane, than +getting into the ice again. I would rather see you doing that than to +know that you were away up there—in the north, in the ice, at your work +again, fighting your way toward the Pole, leading your men and +overcoming every obstacle that stood in your way, never giving up, never +losing heart, trying to do the great, splendid, impossible thing; +risking your life to reach merely a point on a chart. Yes, I would +rather see you on a lecture platform than on the deck of an arctic +steamship. You know that, Ward."</p> + +<p>He shot a glance at her.</p> + +<p>"I would like to know what you mean," he muttered.</p> + +<p>The winter went by, then the spring, and by June all the country around +Medford was royal with summer. During the last days of May, Bennett +practically had completed the body of his book and now occupied himself +with its appendix. There was little variation in their daily life. Adler +became more and more of a fixture about the place. In the first week of +June, Lloyd and Bennett had a visitor, a guest; this was Hattie +Campbell. Mr. Campbell was away upon a business trip, and Lloyd had +arranged to have the little girl spend the fortnight of his absence +with her at Medford.</p> + +<p>The summer was delightful. A vast, pervading warmth lay close over all +the world. The trees, the orchards, the rose-bushes in the garden about +the house, all the teeming life of trees and plants hung motionless and +poised in the still, tideless ocean of the air. It was very quiet; all +distant noises, the crowing of cocks, the persistent calling of robins +and jays, the sound of wheels upon the road, the rumble of the trains +passing the station down in the town, seemed muffled and subdued. The +long, calm summer days succeeded one another in an unbroken, glimmering +procession. From dawn to twilight one heard the faint, innumerable +murmurs of the summer, the dull bourdon of bees in the rose and lilac +bushes, the prolonged, strident buzzing of blue-bottle-flies, the harsh, +dry scrape of grasshoppers, the stridulating of an occasional cricket. +In the twilight and all through the night itself the frogs shrilled from +the hedgerows and in the damp, north corners of the fields, while from +the direction of the hills toward the east the whippoorwills called +incessantly. During the day the air was full of odours, distilled as it +were by the heat of high noon—the sweet smell of ripening apples, the +fragrance of warm sap and leaves and growing grass, the smell of cows +from the nearby pastures, the pungent, ammoniacal suggestion of the +stable back of the house, and the odour of scorching paint blistering on +the southern walls.</p> + +<p>July was very hot. No breath of wind stirred the vast, invisible sea of +air, quivering and oily under the vertical sun. The landscape was +deserted of animated life; there was little stirring abroad. In the +house one kept within the cool, darkened rooms with matting on the +floors and comfortable, deep wicker chairs, the windows wide to the +least stirring of the breeze. Adler dozed in his canvas hammock slung +between a hitching-post and a crab-apple tree in the shade behind the +stable. Kamiska sprawled at full length underneath the water-trough, her +tongue lolling, panting incessantly. An immeasurable Sunday stillness +seemed to hang suspended in the atmosphere—a drowsy, numbing hush. +There was no thought of the passing of time. The day of the week was +always a matter of conjecture. It seemed as though this life of heat and +quiet and unbroken silence was to last forever.</p> + +<p>Then suddenly there was an <i>alerte</i>. One morning, a day or so after +Hattie Campbell had returned to the City, just as Lloyd and Bennett were +finishing their breakfast in the now heavily awninged glass-room, they +were surprised to see Adler running down the road toward the house, +Kamiska racing on ahead, barking excitedly. Adler had gone into the town +for the mail and morning's paper. This latter he held wide open in his +hand, and as soon as he caught sight of Lloyd and Bennett waved it about +him, shouting as he ran.</p> + +<p>Lloyd's heart began to beat. There was only one thing that could excite +Adler to this degree—the English expedition; Adler had news of it; it +was in the paper. Duane had succeeded; had been working steadily +northward during all these past months, while Bennett—</p> + +<p>"Stuck in the ice! stuck in the ice!" shouted Adler as he swung wide the +front gate and came hastening toward the veranda across the lawn. "What +did we say! Hooray! He's stuck. I knew it; any galoot might 'a' known +it. Duane's stuck tighter'n a wedge off Bache Island, in Kane Basin. +Here it all is; read it for yourself."</p> + +<p>Bennett took the paper from him and read aloud to the effect that the +Curlew, accompanied by her collier, which was to follow her to the +southerly limit of Kane Basin, had attempted the passage of Smith Sound +late in June. But the season, as had been feared, was late. The enormous +quantities of ice reported by the whalers the previous year had not +debouched from the narrow channel, and on the last day of June the +Curlew had found her further progress effectually blocked. In essaying +to force her way into a lead the ice had closed in behind her, and, +while not as yet nipped, the vessel was immobilised. There was no hope +that she would advance northward until the following summer. The +collier, which had not been beset, had returned to Tasiusak with the +news of the failure.</p> + +<p>"What a galoot! What a—a professor!" exclaimed Adler with a vast +disdain. "Him loafing at Tasiusak waiting for open water, when the Alert +wintered in eighty-two-twenty-four! Well, he's shelved for another year, +anyhow."</p> + +<p>Later on, after breakfast, Lloyd and Bennett shut themselves in +Bennett's workroom, and for upward of three hours addressed themselves +to the unfinished work of the previous day, compiling from Bennett's +notes a table of temperatures of the sea-water taken at different +soundings. Alternating with the scratching of Lloyd's pen, Bennett's +voice continued monotonously:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>August 15th—2,000 meters or 1,093 fathoms—minus .66 degrees +centigrade or 30.81 Fahrenheit.</p></div> + +<p>"Fahrenheit," repeated Lloyd as she wrote the last word.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>August 16th—1,600 meters or 874 fathoms—</p></div> + +<p>"Eight hundred and seventy-four fathoms," repeated Lloyd as Bennett +paused abstractedly.</p> + +<p>"Or ... he's in a bad way, you know."</p> + +<p>"What do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"It's a bad bit of navigation along there. The Proteus was nipped and +crushed to kindling in about that same latitude ... h'm" ... Bennett +tugged at his mustache. Then, suddenly, as if coming to himself: +"Well—these temperatures now. Where were we? 'Eight hundred and +seventy-four fathoms, minus forty-six hundredths degrees centigrade.'"</p> + +<p>On the afternoon of the next day, just as they were finishing this +table, there was a knock at the door. It was Adler, and as Bennett +opened the door he saluted and handed him three calling-cards. Bennett +uttered an exclamation of surprise, and Lloyd turned about from the +desk, her pen poised in the air over the half-written sheet.</p> + +<p>"They might have let me know they were coming," she heard Bennett +mutter. "What do they want?"</p> + +<p>"Guess they came on that noon train, sir," hazarded Adler. "They didn't +say what they wanted, just inquired for you."</p> + +<p>"Who is it?" asked Lloyd, coming forward.</p> + +<p>Bennett read off the names on the cards.</p> + +<p>"Well, it's Tremlidge—that's the Tremlidge of the Times; he's the +editor and proprietor—and Hamilton Garlock—has something to do with +that new geographical society—president, I believe—and this one"—he +handed her the third card—"is a friend of yours, Craig V. Campbell, of +the Hercules Wrought Steel Company."</p> + +<p>Lloyd stared. "What can they want?" she murmured, looking up to him from +the card in some perplexity. Bennett shook his head.</p> + +<p>"Tell them to come up here," he said to Adler.</p> + +<p>Lloyd hastily drew down her sleeve over her bare arm.</p> + +<p>"Why up here, Ward?" she inquired abruptly.</p> + +<p>"Should we have seen them downstairs?" he demanded with a frown. "I +suppose so; I didn't think. Don't go," he added, putting a hand on her +arm as she started for the door. "You might as well hear what they have +to say."</p> + +<p>The visitors entered, Adler holding open the door—Campbell, well +groomed, clean-shaven, and gloved even in that warm weather; Tremlidge, +the editor of one of the greater daily papers of the City (and of the +country for the matter of that), who wore a monocle and carried a straw +hat under his arm; and Garlock, the vice-president of an international +geographical society, an old man, with beautiful white hair curling +about his ears, a great bow of black silk knotted about his +old-fashioned collar. The group presented, all unconsciously, three +great and highly developed phases of nineteenth-century +intelligence—science, manufactures, and journalism—each man of them a +master in his calling.</p> + +<p>When the introductions and preliminaries were over, Bennett took up his +position again in front of the fireplace, leaning against the mantle, +his hands in his pockets. Lloyd sat opposite to him at the desk, resting +her elbow on the edge. Hanging against the wall behind her was the vast +chart of the arctic circle. Tremlidge, the editor, sat on the bamboo +sofa near the end of the room, his elbows on his knees, gently tapping +the floor with the ferrule of his slim walking-stick; Garlock, the +scientist, had dropped into the depths of a huge leather chair and +leaned back in it comfortably, his legs crossed, one boot swinging +gently; Campbell stood behind this chair, drumming on the back +occasionally with the fingers of one hand, speaking to Bennett over +Garlock's shoulder, and from time to time turning to Tremlidge for +corroboration and support of what he was saying.</p> + +<p>Abruptly the conference began.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mr. Bennett, you got our wire?" Campbell said by way of +commencement.</p> + +<p>Bennett shook his head.</p> + +<p>"No," he returned in some surprise; "no, I got no wire."</p> + +<p>"That's strange," said Tremlidge. "I wired three days ago asking for +this interview. The address was right, I think. I wired: 'Care of Dr. +Pitts.' Isn't that right?"</p> + +<p>"That probably accounts for it," answered Bennett. "This is Pitts's +house, but he does not live here now. Your despatch, no doubt, went to +his office in the City, and was forwarded to him. He's away just now, +travelling, I believe. But—you're here. That's the essential."</p> + +<p>"Yes," murmured Garlock, looking to Campbell. "We're here, and we want +to have a talk with you."</p> + +<p>Campbell, who had evidently been chosen spokesman, cleared his throat.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mr. Bennett, I don't know just how to begin, so suppose +I begin at the beginning. Tremlidge and I belong to the same club in +the City, and in some way or other we have managed to see a good deal +of each other during the last half-dozen years. We find that we have +a good deal in common. I don't think his editorial columns are for +sale, and he doesn't believe there are blow-holes in my steel plates. +I really do believe we have certain convictions. Tremlidge seems to +have an idea that journalism can be clean and yet enterprising, and +tries to run his sheet accordingly, and I am afraid that I would not +make a bid for bridge girders below what it would cost to manufacture +them honestly. Tremlidge and I differ in politics; we hold conflicting +views as to municipal government; we attend different churches; we are +at variance in the matter of public education, of the tariff, of +emigration, and, heaven save the mark! of capital and labour, but we +tell ourselves that we are public-spirited and are a little proud that +God allowed us to be born in the United States; also it appears that we +have more money than Henry George believes to be right. Now," continued +Mr. Campbell, straightening himself as though he were about to touch +upon the real subject of his talk, "when the news of your return, Mr. +Bennett, was received, it was, as of course you understand, the one +topic of conversation in the streets, the clubs, the newspaper +offices—everywhere. Tremlidge and I met at our club at luncheon the +next week, and I remember perfectly well how long and how very earnestly +we talked of your work and of arctic exploration in general.</p> + +<p>"We found out all of a sudden that here at last was a subject we were +agreed upon, a subject in which we took an extraordinary mutual +interest. We discovered that we had read almost every explorer's book +from Sir John Franklin down. We knew all about the different theories +and plans of reaching the Pole. We knew how and why they had all failed; +but, for all that, we were both of the opinion" (Campbell leaned +forward, speaking with considerable energy) "that it can be done, and +that America ought to do it. That would be something better than even a +World's Fair.</p> + +<p>"We give out a good deal of money, Tremlidge and I, every year to public +works and one thing or another. We buy pictures by American +artists—pictures that we don't want; we found a scholarship now and +then; we contribute money to build groups of statuary in the park; we +give checks to the finance committees of libraries and museums and all +the rest of it, but, for the lives of us, we can feel only a mild +interest in the pictures and statues, and museums and colleges, though +we go on buying the one and supporting the other, because we think that +somehow it is right for us to do it. I'm afraid we are men more of +action than of art, literature, and the like. Tremlidge is, I know. He +wants facts, accomplished results. When he gives out his money he wants +to see the concrete, substantial return—and I'm not sure that I am not +of the same way of thinking.</p> + +<p>"Well, with this and with that, and after talking it all over a dozen +times—twenty times—we came to the conclusion that what we would most +like to aid financially would be a successful attempt by an +American-built ship, manned by American seamen, led by an American +commander, to reach the North Pole. We came to be very enthusiastic +about our idea; but we want it American from start to finish. We will +start the subscription, and want to head the list with our checks; but +we want every bolt in that ship forged in American foundries from metal +dug out of American soil. We want every plank in her hull shaped from +American trees, every sail of her woven by American looms, every man of +her born of American parents, and we want it this way because we believe +in American manufactures, because we believe in American shipbuilding, +because we believe in American sailmakers, and because we believe in the +intelligence and pluck and endurance and courage of the American sailor.</p> + +<p>"Well," Campbell continued, changing his position and speaking in a +quieter voice, "we did not say much to anybody, and, in fact, we never +really planned any expedition at all. We merely talked about its +practical nature and the desirability of having it distinctively +American. This was all last summer. What we wanted to do was to make the +scheme a popular one. It would not be hard to raise a hundred thousand +dollars from among a dozen or so men whom we both know, and we found +that we could count upon the financial support of Mr. Garlock's society. +That was all very well, but we wanted the <i>people</i> to back this +enterprise. We would rather get a thousand five-dollar subscriptions +than five of a thousand dollars each. When our ship went out we wanted +her commander to feel, not that there were merely a few millionaires, +who had paid for his equipment and his vessel, behind him, but that he +had seventy millions of people, a whole nation, at his back.</p> + +<p>"So Tremlidge went to work and telegraphed instructions to the +Washington correspondents of his paper to sound quietly the temper of as +many Congressmen as possible in the matter of making an appropriation +toward such an expedition. It was not so much the money we wanted as the +sanction of the United States. Anything that has to do with the Navy is +popular just at present. We had got a Congressman to introduce and +father an appropriation bill, and we could count upon the support of +enough members of both houses to put it through. We wanted Congress to +appropriate twenty thousand dollars. We hoped to raise another ten +thousand dollars by popular subscription. Mr. Garlock could assure us +two thousand dollars; Tremlidge would contribute twenty thousand dollars +in the name of the Times, and I pledged myself to ten thousand dollars, +and promised to build the ship's engines and fittings. We kept our +intentions to ourselves, as Tremlidge did not want the other papers to +get hold of the story before the Times printed it. But we continued to +lay our wires at Washington. Everything was going as smooth as oil; we +seemed sure of the success of our appropriation bill, and it was even to +be introduced next week, when the news came of the collapse of the +English expedition—the Duane-Parsons affair.</p> + +<p>"You would have expected precisely an opposite effect, but it has +knocked our chances with Congress into a cocked hat. Our member, who was +to father the bill, declared to us that so sure as it was brought up now +it would be killed in committee. I went to Washington at once; it was +this, and not, as you supposed, private business that has taken me away. +I saw our member and Tremlidge's head correspondent. It was absolutely +no use. These men who have their finger upon the Congressional pulse +were all of the same opinion. It would be useless to try to put through +our bill at present. Our member said 'Wait;' all Tremlidge's men said +'Wait—wait for another year, until this English expedition and its +failure are forgotten, and then try again.' But we don't want to wait. +Suppose Duane <i>is</i> blocked for the present. He has a tremendous start. +He's on the ground. By next summer the chances are the ice will have so +broken up as to permit him to push ahead, and by the time our bill gets +through and our ship built and launched he may be—heaven knows where, +right up to the Pole, perhaps. No, we can't afford to give England such +long odds. We want to lay the keel of our ship as soon as we can—next +week, if possible; we've got the balance of the summer and all the +winter to prepare in, and a year from this month we want our American +expedition to be inside the polar circle, to be up with Duane, and at +least to break even with England. If we can do that we're not afraid of +the result, provided," continued Mr. Campbell, "provided <i>you</i>, Mr. +Bennett, are in command. If you consent to make the attempt, only one +point remains to be settled. Congress has failed us. We will give up the +idea of an appropriation. Now, then, and this is particularly what we +want to consult you about, how are we going to raise the twenty thousand +dollars?"</p> + +<p>Lloyd rose to her feet.</p> + +<p>"You may draw on me for the amount," she said quietly.</p> + +<p>Garlock uncrossed his legs and sat up abruptly in the deep-seated chair. +Tremlidge screwed his monocle into his eye and stared, while Campbell +turned about sharply at the sound of Lloyd's voice with a murmur of +astonishment. Bennett alone did not move. As before, he leaned heavily +against the mantelpiece, his hands in his pockets, his head and his huge +shoulders a little bent. Only from under his thick, knotted frown he +shot a swift glance toward his wife. Lloyd paid no attention to the +others. After that one quiet movement that had brought her to her feet +she remained motionless and erect, her hands hanging straight at her +sides, the colour slowly mounting to her cheeks. She met Bennett's +glance and held it steadily, calmly, looking straight into his eyes. She +said no word, but all her love for him, all her hopes of him, all the +fine, strong resolve that, come what would, his career should not be +broken, his ambition should not faint through any weakness of hers, all +her eager sympathy for his great work, all her strong, womanly +encouragement for him to accomplish his destiny spoke to him, and called +to him in that long, earnest look of her dull-blue eyes. Now she was no +longer weak; now she could face the dreary consequences that, for her, +must follow the rousing of his dormant energy; now was no longer the +time for indirect appeal; the screen was down between them. More +eloquent than any spoken words was the calm, steady gaze in which she +held his own.</p> + +<p>There was a long silence while husband and wife stood looking deep into +each other's eyes. And then, as a certain slow kindling took place in +his look, Lloyd saw that at last Bennett <i>understood</i>.</p> + +<p>After that the conference broke up rapidly. Campbell, as the head and +spokesman of the committee, noted the long, significant glance that had +passed between Bennett and Lloyd, and, perhaps, vaguely divined that he +had touched upon a matter of a particularly delicate and intimate +nature. Something was in the air, something was passing between husband +and wife in which the outside world had no concern—something not meant +for him to see. He brought the interview to an end as quickly as +possible. He begged of Bennett to consider this talk as a mere +preliminary—a breaking of the ground. He would give Bennett time to +think it over. Speaking for himself and the others, he was deeply +impressed with that generous offer to meet the unexpected deficiency, +but it had been made upon the spur of the moment. No doubt Mr. Bennett +and his wife would wish to talk it over between themselves, to consider +the whole matter. The committee temporarily had its headquarters in his +(Campbell's) offices. He left Bennett the address. He would await his +decision and answer there.</p> + +<p>When the conference ended Bennett accompanied the members of the +committee downstairs and to the front door of the house. The three had, +with thanks and excuses, declined all invitations to dine at Medford +with Bennett and his wife. They could conveniently catch the next train +back to the City; Campbell and Tremlidge were in a hurry to return to +their respective businesses.</p> + +<p>The front gate closed. Bennett was left alone. He shut the front door of +the house, and for an instant stood leaning against it, his small eyes +twinkling under his frown, his glance straying aimlessly about amid the +familiar objects of the hallway and adjoining rooms. He was thoughtful, +perturbed, tugging slowly at the ends of his mustache. Slowly he +ascended the stairs, gaining the landing on the second floor and going +on toward the half-open door of the "workroom" he had just quitted. +Lloyd was uppermost in his mind. He wanted her, his wife, and that at +once. He was conscious that a great thing had suddenly transpired; that +all the calm and infinitely happy life of the last year was ruthlessly +broken up; but in his mind there was nothing more definite, nothing +stronger than the thought of his wife and the desire for her +companionship and advice.</p> + +<p>He came into the "workroom," closing the door behind him with his heel, +his hands deep in his pockets. Lloyd was still there, standing opposite +him as he entered. She hardly seemed to have moved while he had been +gone. They did not immediately speak. Once more their eyes met. Then at +length:</p> + +<p>"Well, Lloyd?"</p> + +<p>"Well, my husband?"</p> + +<p>Bennett was about to answer—what, he hardly knew; but at that moment +there was a diversion.</p> + +<p>The old boat's flag, the tattered little square of faded stars and bars +that had been used to mark the line of many a weary march, had been +hanging, as usual, over the blue-print plans of the Freja on the wail +opposite the window. Inadequately fixed in its place, the jar of the +closing door as Bennett shut it behind him dislodged it, and it fell to +the floor close beside him.</p> + +<p>He stooped and picked it up, and, holding it in his hand, turned toward +the spot whence it had fallen. He cast a glance at the wall above the +plans of the Freja, about to replace it, willing for the instant to +defer the momentous words he felt must soon be spoken, willing to put +off the inevitable a few seconds longer.</p> + +<p>"I don't know," he muttered, looking from the flag to the empty +wall-spaces about the room; "I don't know just where to put this. Do +you—"</p> + +<p>"Don't you know?" interrupted Lloyd suddenly, her blue eyes all alight.</p> + +<p>"No," said Bennett; "I—"</p> + +<p>Lloyd caught the flag from his hands and, with one great sweep of her +arm, drove its steel-shod shaft full into the centre of the great chart +of the polar region, into the innermost concentric circle where the Pole +was marked.</p> + +<p>"Put that flag there!" she cried.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="XI" id="XI"></a>XI.</h2> + + +<p>That particular day in the last week in April was sombre and somewhat +chilly, but there was little wind. The water of the harbour lay smooth +as a sheet of tightly stretched gray silk. Overhead the sea-fog drifted +gradually landward, descending, as it drifted, till the outlines of the +City grew blurred and indistinct, resolving to a dim, vast mass, rugged +with high-shouldered office buildings and bulging, balloon-like domes, +confused and mysterious under the cloak of the fog. In the nearer +foreground, along the lines of the wharves and docks, a wilderness of +masts and spars of a tone just darker than the gray of the mist stood +away from the blur of the background with the distinctness and delicacy +of frost-work.</p> + +<p>But amid all this grayness of sky and water and fog one distinguished +certain black and shifting masses. They outlined every wharf, they +banked every dock, every quay. Every small and inconsequent jetty had +its fringe of black. Even the roofs of the buildings along the +water-front were crested with the same dull-coloured mass.</p> + +<p>It was the People, the crowd, rank upon rank, close-packed, expectant, +thronging there upon the City's edge, swelling in size with the lapse of +every minute, vast, conglomerate, restless, and throwing off into the +stillness of the quiet gray air a prolonged, indefinite murmur, a +monotonous minor note.</p> + +<p>The surface of the bay was dotted over with all manner of craft black +with people. Rowboats, perilously overcrowded, were everywhere. +Ferryboats and excursion steamers, chartered for that day, heeled over +almost to the water's edge with the unsteady weight of their passengers. +Tugboats passed up and down similarly crowded and displaying the flags +of various journals and news organisations—the News, the Press, the +Times, and the Associated Press. Private yachts, trim and very graceful +and gleaming with brass and varnish, slipped by with scarcely a ripple +to mark their progress, while full in the centre of the bay, gigantic, +solid, formidable, her grim, silent guns thrusting their snouts from her +turrets, a great, white battleship rode motionless to her anchor.</p> + +<p>An hour passed; noon came. At long intervals a faint seaward breeze +compressed the fog, and high, sad-coloured clouds and a fine and +penetrating rain came drizzling down. The crowds along the wharves grew +denser and blacker. The numbers of yachts, boats, and steamers +increased; even the yards and masts of the merchant-ships were dotted +over with watchers.</p> + +<p>Then, at length, from far up the bay there came a faint, a barely +perceptible, droning sound, the sound of distant shouting. Instantly the +crowds were alert, and a quick, surging movement rippled from end to end +of the throng along the water-front. Its subdued murmur rose in pitch +upon the second. Like a flock of agitated gulls, the boats in the +harbour stirred nimbly from place to place; a belated newspaper tug tore +by, headed for the upper bay, smoking fiercely, the water boiling from +her bows. From the battleship came the tap of a drum. The excursion +steamers and chartered ferryboats moved to points of vantage and took +position, occasionally feeling the water with their paddles.</p> + +<p>The distant, droning sound drew gradually nearer, swelling in volume, +and by degrees splitting into innumerable component parts. One began to +distinguish the various notes that contributed to its volume—a sharp, +quick volley of inarticulate shouts or a cadenced cheer or a hoarse +salvo of steam whistles. Bells began to ring in different quarters of +the City.</p> + +<p>Then all at once the advancing wave of sound swept down like the rush of +a great storm. A roar as of the unchained wind leaped upward from those +banked and crowding masses. It swelled louder and louder, deafening, +inarticulate. A vast bellow of exultation split the gray, low-hanging +heavens. Erect plumes of steam shot upward from the ferry and excursion +boats, but the noise of their whistles was lost and drowned in the +reverberation of that mighty and prolonged clamour. But suddenly the +indeterminate thunder was pierced and dominated by a sharp and +deep-toned report, and a jet of white smoke shot out from the flanks of +the battleship. Her guns had spoken. Instantly and from another quarter +of her hull came another jet of white smoke, stabbed through with its +thin, yellow flash, and another abrupt clap of thunder shook the windows +of the City.</p> + +<p>The boats that all the morning had been moving toward the upper bay were +returning. They came slowly, a veritable fleet, steaming down the bay, +headed for the open sea, beyond the entrance of the harbour, each +crowded and careening to the very gunwales, each whistling with might +and main.</p> + +<p>And in their midst—the storm-centre round which this tempest of +acclamation surged, the object on which so many eyes were focussed, the +hope of an entire nation—one ship.</p> + +<p>She was small and seemingly pitifully inadequate for the great adventure +on which she was bound; her lines were short and ungraceful. From her +clumsy iron-shod bow to her high, round stern, from her bulging sides to +the summit of her short, powerful masts there was scant beauty in her. +She was broad, blunt, evidently slow in her movements, and in the smooth +waters of the bay seemed out of her element. But, for all that, she +imparted an impression of compactness, the compactness of things dwarfed +and stunted. Vast, indeed, would be the force that would crush those +bulging flanks, so cunningly built, moreover, that the ship must slip +and rise to any too great lateral pressure. Far above her waist rose her +smokestack. Overhead upon the mainmast was affixed the crow's nest. +Whaleboats and cutters swung from her davits, while all her decks were +cumbered with barrels, with crates, with boxes and strangely shaped +bales and cases.</p> + +<p>She drew nearer, continuing that slow, proud progress down the bay, +honoured as no visiting sovereign had ever been. The great white +man-of-war dressed ship as she passed, and the ensign at her +fighting-top dipped and rose again. At once there was a movement aboard +the little outbound ship; one of her crew ran aft and hauled sharply at +the halyards, and then at her peak there was broken out not the +brilliant tri-coloured banner, gay and brave and clean, but a little +length of bunting, tattered and soiled, a faded breadth of stars and +bars, a veritable battle-flag, eloquent of strenuous endeavour, of +fighting without quarter, and of hardship borne without flinching and +without complaining.</p> + +<p>The ship with her crowding escorts held onward. By degrees the City was +passed; the bay narrowed oceanwards little by little. The throng of +people, the boom of cannon, and the noise of shouting dropped astern. +One by one the boats of the escorting squadron halted, drew off, and, +turning with a parting blast of their whistles, headed back to the City. +Only the larger, heavier steamers and the sea-going tugs still kept on +their way. On either shore of the bay the houses began to dwindle, +giving place to open fields, brown and sear under the scudding sea-fog, +for now a wind was building up from out the east, and the surface of the +bay had begun to ruffle.</p> + +<p>Half a mile farther on the slow, huge, groundswells began to come in; a +lighthouse was passed. Full in view, on ahead, stretched the open, empty +waste of ocean. Another steamer turned back, then another, then another, +then the last of the newspaper tugs. The fleet, reduced now to half a +dozen craft, ploughed on through and over the groundswells, the ship +they were escorting leading the way, her ragged little ensign straining +stiff in the ocean wind. At the entrance of the bay, where the enclosing +shores drew together and trailed off to surf-beaten sand-spits, three +more of the escort halted, and, unwilling to face the tumbling expanse +of the ocean, bleak and gray, turned homeward. Then just beyond the bar +two more of the remaining boats fell off and headed Cityward; a third +immediately did likewise. The outbound ship was left with only one +companion.</p> + +<p>But that one, a sturdy little sea-going tug, held close, close to the +flank of the departing vessel, keeping even pace with her and lying +alongside as nearly as she dared, for the fog had begun to thicken, and +distant objects were shut from sight by occasional drifting patches.</p> + +<p>On board the tug there was but one passenger—a woman. She stood upon +the forward deck, holding to a stanchion with one strong, white hand, +the strands of her bronze-red hair whipping across her face, the salt +spray damp upon her cheeks. She was dressed in a long, brown ulster, its +cape flying from her shoulders as the wind lifted it. Small as was the +outgoing ship, the tug was still smaller, and its single passenger had +to raise her eyes above her to see the figure of a man upon the bridge +of the ship, a tall, heavily built figure, buttoned from heel to chin in +a greatcoat, who stood there gripping the rail of the bridge with one +hand, and from time to time giving an order to his sailing-master, who +stood in the centre of the bridge before the compass and electric +indicator.</p> + +<p>Between the man upon the bridge and the woman on the forward deck of the +tug there was from time to time a little conversation. They called to +one another above the throbbing of the engines and the wash of the sea +alongside, and in the sound of their voices there was a note of +attempted cheerfulness. Practically they were alone, with the exception +of the sailing-master on the bridge. The crew of the ship were nowhere +in sight. On the tug no one but the woman was to be seen. All around +them stretched the fog-ridden sea.</p> + +<p>Then at last, in answer to a question from the man on the bridge, the +woman said:</p> + +<p>"Yes—I think I had better."</p> + +<p>An order was given. The tug's bell rang in her engine-room, and the +engine slowed and stopped. For some time the tug continued her headway, +ranging alongside the ship as before. Then she began to fall behind, at +first slowly, then with increasing swiftness. The outbound ship +continued on her way, and between the two the water widened and widened. +But the fog was thick; in another moment the two would be shut out from +each other's sight. The moment of separation was come.</p> + +<p>Then Lloyd, standing alone on that heaving deck, drew herself up to her +full height, her head a little back, her blue eyes all alight, a smile +upon her lips. She spoke no word. She made no gesture, but stood there, +the smile yet upon her lips, erect, firm, motionless; looking steadily, +calmly, proudly into Bennett's eyes as his ship carried him farther and +farther away.</p> + +<p>Suddenly the fog shut down. The two vessels were shut from each other's +sight.</p> + +<p>As Bennett stood leaning upon the rail of the bridge behind him, his +hands deep in the pockets of his greatcoat, his eyes fixed on the +visible strip of water just ahead of his ship's prow, the +sailing-master, Adler, approached and saluted.</p> + +<p>"Beg pardon, sir," he said, "we're just clear of the last buoy; what's +our course now, sir?"</p> + +<p>Bennett glanced at the chart that Adler held and then at the compass +affixed to the rail of the bridge close at hand. Quietly he answered:</p> + +<p>"Due north."</p> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MAN'S WOMAN***</p> +<p>******* This file should be named 16096-h.txt or 16096-h.zip *******</p> +<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> +<a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/6/0/9/16096">https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/0/9/16096</a></p> +<p>Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed.</p> + +<p>Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: +<a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/GUTINDEX.ALL">https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/GUTINDEX.ALL</a> + +*** END: FULL LICENSE *** +</pre> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/16096.txt b/16096.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..231b8a9 --- /dev/null +++ b/16096.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8543 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, A Man's Woman, by Frank Norris + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: A Man's Woman + + +Author: Frank Norris + + + +Release Date: June 20, 2005 [eBook #16096] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MAN'S WOMAN*** + + +E-text prepared by Suzanne Shell, Mary Meehan, Project Gutenberg Beginners +Projects, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team +(https://www.pgdp.net) + + + +A MAN'S WOMAN + +by + +FRANK NORRIS + +1904 + + + + + + + +The following novel was completed March 22, 1899, and sent to the +printer in October of the same year. After the plates had been made +notice was received that a play called "A Man's Woman" had been written +by Anne Crawford Flexner, and that this title had been copyrighted. + +As it was impossible to change the name of the novel at the time this +notice was received, it has been published under its original title. + +F.N. + +New York. + + + + +A MAN'S WOMAN + + + + +I. + + +At four o'clock in the morning everybody in the tent was still asleep, +exhausted by the terrible march of the previous day. The hummocky ice +and pressure-ridges that Bennett had foreseen had at last been met with, +and, though camp had been broken at six o'clock and though men and dogs +had hauled and tugged and wrestled with the heavy sledges until five +o'clock in the afternoon, only a mile and a half had been covered. But +though the progress was slow, it was yet progress. It was not the +harrowing, heart-breaking immobility of those long months aboard the +Freja. Every yard to the southward, though won at the expense of a +battle with the ice, brought them nearer to Wrangel Island and ultimate +safety. + +Then, too, at supper-time the unexpected had happened. Bennett, moved no +doubt by their weakened condition, had dealt out extra rations to each +man: one and two-thirds ounces of butter and six and two-thirds ounces +of aleuronate bread--a veritable luxury after the unvarying diet of +pemmican, lime juice, and dried potatoes of the past fortnight. The men +had got into their sleeping-bags early, and until four o'clock in the +morning had slept profoundly, inert, stupefied, almost without movement. +But a few minutes after four o'clock Bennett awoke. He was usually up +about half an hour before the others. On the day before he had been able +to get a meridian altitude of the sun, and was anxious to complete his +calculations as to the expedition's position on the chart that he had +begun in the evening. + +He pushed back the flap of the sleeping-bag and rose to his full height, +passing his hands over his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He was +an enormous man, standing six feet two inches in his reindeer footnips +and having the look more of a prize-fighter than of a scientist. Even +making allowances for its coating of dirt and its harsh, black stubble +of half a week's growth, the face was not pleasant. Bennett was an ugly +man. His lower jaw was huge almost to deformity, like that of the +bulldog, the chin salient, the mouth close-gripped, with great lips, +indomitable, brutal. The forehead was contracted and small, the forehead +of men of single ideas, and the eyes, too, were small and twinkling, one +of them marred by a sharply defined cast. + +But as Bennett was fumbling in the tin box that was lashed upon the +number four sledge, looking for his notebook wherein he had begun his +calculations for latitude, he was surprised to find a copy of the record +he had left in the instrument box under the cairn at Cape Kammeni at the +beginning of this southerly march. He had supposed that this copy had +been mislaid, and was not a little relieved to come across it now. He +read it through hastily, his mind reviewing again the incidents of the +last few months. Certain extracts of this record ran as follows: + +"Arctic steamer Freja, on ice off Cape Kammeni, New Siberian +Islands, 76 deg. 10 min. north latitude, 150 deg. 40 min. east +longitude, July 12, 1891.... We accordingly froze the ship in on +the last day of September, 1890, and during the following winter +drifted with the pack in a northwesterly direction.... On Friday, +July 10, 1891, being in latitude 76 deg. 10 min. north; longitude +150 deg. 10 min. east, the Freja was caught in a severe nip between +two floes and was crushed, sinking in about two hours. We abandoned +her, saving 200 days' provisions and all necessary clothing, +instruments, etc.... + +"I shall now attempt a southerly march over the ice to Kolyuchin Bay +by way of Wrangel Island, where provisions have been cached, hoping +to fall in with the relief ships or steam whalers on the way. Our +party consists of the following twelve persons: ... All well with +the exception of Mr. Ferriss, the chief engineer, whose left hand +has been badly frostbitten. No scurvy in the party as yet. We have +eighteen Ostiak dogs with us in prime condition, and expect to drag +our ship's boat upon sledges. + +"WARD BENNETT, Commanding Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition." + +Bennett returned this copy of the record to its place in the box, and +stood for a moment in the centre of the tent, his head bent to avoid the +ridge-pole, looking thoughtfully upon the ground. + +Well, so far all had gone right--no scurvy, provisions in plenty. The +dogs were in good condition, his men cheerful, trusting in him as in a +god, and surely no leader could wish for a better lieutenant and comrade +than Richard Ferriss--but this hummocky ice--these pressure-ridges which +the expedition had met the day before. Instead of turning at once to his +ciphering Bennett drew the hood of the wolfskin coat over his head, +buttoned a red flannel mask across his face, and, raising the flap of +the tent, stepped outside. + +Under the lee of the tent the dogs were sleeping, moveless bundles of +fur, black and white, perceptibly steaming. The three great McClintock +sledges, weighted down with the Freja's boats and with the expedition's +impedimenta, lay where they had been halted the evening before. + +In the sky directly in front of Bennett as he issued from the tent three +moons, hooped in a vast circle of nebulous light, shone roseate through +a fine mist, while in the western heavens streamers of green, orange, +and vermilion light, immeasurably vast, were shooting noiselessly from +horizon to zenith. + +But Bennett had more on his mind that morning than mock-moons and +auroras. To the south and east, about a quarter of a mile from the tent, +the pressure of the floes had thrown up an enormous ridge of shattered +ice-cakes, a mound, a long hill of blue-green slabs and blocks huddling +together at every conceivable angle. It was nearly twenty feet in +height, quite the highest point that Bennett could discover. Scrambling +and climbing over countless other ridges that intervened, he made his +way to it, ascended it almost on hands and knees, and, standing upon its +highest point, looked long and carefully to the southward. + +A wilderness beyond all thought, words, or imagination desolate +stretched out before him there forever and forever--ice, ice, ice, +fields and floes of ice, laying themselves out under that gloomy sky, +league after league, endless, sombre, infinitely vast, infinitely +formidable. But now it was no longer the smooth ice over which the +expedition had for so long been travelling. In every direction, +intersecting one another at ten thousand points, crossing and +recrossing, weaving a gigantic, bewildering network of gashed, jagged, +splintered ice-blocks, ran the pressure-ridges and hummocks. In places a +score or more of these ridges had been wedged together to form one huge +field of broken slabs of ice miles in width, miles in length. From +horizon to horizon there was no level place, no open water, no pathway. +The view to the southward resembled a tempest-tossed ocean suddenly +frozen. + +One of these ridges Bennett had just climbed, and upon it he now stood. +Even for him, unencumbered, carrying no weight, the climb had been +difficult; more than once he had slipped and fallen. At times he had +been obliged to go forward almost on his hands and knees. And yet it was +across that jungle of ice, that unspeakable tangle of blue-green slabs +and cakes and blocks, that the expedition must now advance, dragging its +boats, its sledges, its provisions, instruments, and baggage. + +Bennett stood looking. Before him lay his task. There under his eyes was +the Enemy. Face to face with him was the titanic primal strength of a +chaotic world, the stupendous still force of a merciless nature, waiting +calmly, waiting silently to close upon and crush him. For a long time he +stood watching. Then the great brutal jaw grew more salient than ever, +the teeth set and clenched behind the close-gripped lips, the cast in +the small twinkling eyes grew suddenly more pronounced. One huge fist +raised, and the arm slowly extended forward like the resistless moving +of a piston. Then when his arm was at its full reach Bennett spoke as +though in answer to the voiceless, terrible challenge of the Ice. +Through his clenched teeth his words came slow and measured. + +"But I'll break you, by God! believe me, I will." + +After a while he returned to the tent, awoke the cook, and while +breakfast was being prepared completed his calculations for latitude, +wrote up his ice-journal, and noted down the temperature and the +direction and velocity of the wind. As he was finishing, Richard +Ferriss, who was the chief engineer and second in command, awoke and +immediately asked the latitude. + +"Seventy-four-fifteen," answered Bennett without looking up. + +"Seventy-four-fifteen," repeated Ferriss, nodding his head; "we didn't +make much distance yesterday." + +"I hope we can make as much to-day," returned Bennett grimly as he put +away his observation-journal and note-books. + +"How's the ice to the south'ard?" + +"Bad; wake the men." + +After breakfast and while the McClintocks were being loaded Bennett sent +Ferriss on ahead to choose a road through and over the ridges. It was +dreadful work. For two hours Ferriss wandered about amid the broken ice +all but hopelessly bewildered. But at length, to his great satisfaction, +he beheld a fairly open stretch about a quarter of a mile in length +lying out to the southwest and not too far out of the expedition's line +of march. Some dozen ridges would have to be crossed before this level +was reached; but there was no help for it, so Ferriss planted his flags +where the heaps of ice-blocks seemed least impracticable and returned +toward the camp. It had already been broken, and on his way he met the +entire expedition involved in the intricacies of the first rough ice. + +All of the eighteen dogs had been harnessed to the number two sledge, +that carried the whaleboat and the major part of the provisions, and +every man of the party, Bennett included, was straining at the +haul-ropes with the dogs. Foot by foot the sledge came over the ridge, +grinding and lurching among the ice-blocks; then, partly by guiding, +partly by lifting, it was piloted down the slope, only in the end to +escape from all control and come crashing downward among the dogs, +jolting one of the medicine chests from its lashings and butting its +nose heavily against the foot of the next hummock immediately beyond. +But the men scrambled to their places again, the medicine chest was +replaced, and Muck Tu, the Esquimau dog-master, whipped forward his +dogs. Ferriss, too, laid hold. The next hummock was surmounted, the dogs +panting, and the men, even in that icy air, reeking with perspiration. +Then suddenly and without the least warning Bennett and McPherson, who +were in the lead, broke through some young ice into water up to their +breasts, Muck Tu and one of the dogs breaking through immediately +afterward. The men were pulled out, or, of their own efforts, climbed +upon the ice again. But in an instant their clothes were frozen to +rattling armor. + +"Bear off to the east'ard, here!" commanded Bennett, shaking the icy, +stinging water from his sleeves. "Everybody on the ropes now!" + +Another pressure-ridge was surmounted, then a third, and by an hour +after the start they had arrived at the first one of Ferriss's flags. +Here the number two sledge was left, and the entire expedition, dogs and +men, returned to camp to bring up the number one McClintock loaded with +the Freja's cutter and with the sleeping-bags, instruments, and tent. +This sledge was successfully dragged over the first two hummocks, but as +it was being hauled up the third its left-hand runner suddenly buckled +and turned under it with a loud snap. There was nothing for it now but +to remove the entire load and to set Hawes, the carpenter, to work upon +its repair. + +"Up your other sledge!" ordered Bennett. + +Once more the expedition returned to the morning's camping-place, and, +harnessing itself to the third McClintock, struggled forward with it for +an hour and a half until it was up with the first sledge and Ferriss's +flag. Fortunately the two dog-sleds, four and five, were light, and +Bennett, dividing his forces, brought them up in a single haul. But +Hawes called out that the broken sledge was now repaired. The men turned +to at once, reloaded it, and hauled it onward, so that by noon every +sledge had been moved forward quite a quarter of a mile. + +But now, for the moment, the men, after going over the same ground seven +times, were used up, and Muck Tu could no longer whip the dogs to their +work. Bennett called a halt. Hot tea was made, and pemmican and hardtack +served out. + +"We'll have easier hauling this afternoon, men," said Bennett; "this +next ridge is the worst of the lot; beyond that Mr. Ferriss says we've +got nearly a quarter of a mile of level floes." + +On again at one o'clock; but the hummock of which Bennett had spoken +proved absolutely impassable for the loaded sledges. It was all one that +the men lay to the ropes like draught-horses, and that Muck Tu flogged +the dogs till the goad broke in his hands. The men lost their footing +upon the slippery ice and fell to their knees; the dogs laid down in the +traces groaning and whining. The sledge would not move. + +"Unload!" commanded Bennett. + +The lashings were taken off, and the loads, including the great, +cumbersome whaleboat itself, carried over the hummock by hand. Then the +sledge itself was hauled over and reloaded upon the other side. Thus the +whole five sledges. + +The work was bitter hard; the knots of the lashings were frozen tight +and coated with ice; the cases of provisions, the medicine chests, the +canvas bundle of sails, boat-covers, and tents unwieldy and of enormous +weight; the footing on the slippery, uneven ice precarious, and more +than once a man, staggering under his load, broke through the crust into +water so cold that the sensation was like that of burning. + +But at last everything was over, the sledges reloaded, and the forward +movement resumed. Only one low hummock now intervened between them and +the longed-for level floe. + +However, as they were about to start forward again a lamentable gigantic +sound began vibrating in their ears, a rumbling, groaning note rising by +quick degrees to a strident shriek. Other sounds, hollow and +shrill--treble mingling with diapason--joined in the first. The noise +came from just beyond the pressure-mound at the foot of which the party +had halted. + +"Forward!" shouted Bennett; "hurry there, men!" + +Desperately eager, the men bent panting to their work. The sledge +bearing the whaleboat topped the hummock. + +"Now, then, over with her!" cried Ferriss. + +But it was too late. As they stood looking down upon it for an instant, +the level floe, their one sustaining hope during all the day, suddenly +cracked from side to side with the noise of ordnance. Then the groaning +and shrieking recommenced. The crack immediately closed up, the pressure +on the sides of the floe began again, and on the smooth surface of the +ice, domes and mounds abruptly reared themselves. As the pressure +increased these domes and mounds cracked and burst into countless blocks +and slabs. Ridge after ridge was formed in the twinkling of an eye. +Thundering like a cannonade of siege guns, the whole floe burst up, +jagged, splintered, hummocky. In less than three minutes, and while the +Freja's men stood watching, the level stretch toward which since morning +they had struggled with incalculable toil was ground up into a vast mass +of confused and pathless rubble. + +"Oh, this will never do," muttered Ferriss, disheartened. + +"Come on, men!" exclaimed Bennett. "Mr. Ferriss, go forward, and choose +a road for us." + +The labour of the morning was recommenced. With infinite patience, +infinite hardship, the sledges one by one were advanced. So heavy were +the three larger McClintocks that only one could be handled at a time, +and that one taxed the combined efforts of men and dogs to the +uttermost. The same ground had to be covered seven times. For every yard +gained seven had to be travelled. It was not a march, it was a battle; a +battle without rest and without end and without mercy; a battle with an +Enemy whose power was beyond all estimate and whose movements were not +reducible to any known law. A certain course would be mapped, certain +plans formed, a certain objective determined, and before the course +could be finished, the plans executed, or the objective point attained +the perverse, inexplicable movement of the ice baffled their +determination and set at naught their best ingenuity. + +At four o'clock it began to snow. Since the middle of the forenoon the +horizon had been obscured by clouds and mist so that no observation for +position could be taken. Steadily the clouds had advanced, and by four +o'clock the expedition found itself enveloped by wind and driving snow. +The flags could no longer be distinguished; thin and treacherous ice was +concealed under drifts; the dogs floundered helplessly; the men could +scarcely open their eyes against the wind and fine, powder-like snow, +and at times when they came to drag forward the last sledge they found +it so nearly buried in the snow that it must be dug out before it could +be moved. + +Toward half past five the odometer on one of the dog-sleds registered a +distance of three-quarters of a mile made since morning. Bennett called +a halt, and camp was pitched in the lee of one of the larger hummocks. +The alcohol cooker was set going, and supper was had under the tent, the +men eating as they lay in their sleeping-bags. But even while eating +they fell asleep, drooping lower and lower, finally collapsing upon the +canvas floor of the tent, the food still in their mouths. + +Yet, for all that, the night was miserable. Even after that day of +superhuman struggle they were not to be allowed a few hours of unbroken +rest. By midnight the wind had veered to the east and was blowing a +gale. An hour later the tent came down. Exhausted as they were, they +must turn out and wrestle with that slatting, ice-sheathed canvas, and +it was not until half an hour later that everything was fast again. + +Once more they crawled into the sleeping-bags, but soon the heat from +their bodies melted the ice upon their clothes, and pools of water +formed under each man, wetting him to the skin. Sleep was impossible. It +grew colder and colder as the night advanced, and the gale increased. At +three o'clock in the morning the centigrade thermometer was at eighteen +degrees below. The cooker was lighted again, and until six o'clock the +party huddled wretchedly about it, dozing and waking, shivering +continually. + +Breakfast at half past six o'clock; under way again an hour later. There +was no change in the nature of the ice. Ridge succeeded ridge, hummock +followed upon hummock. The wind was going down, but the snow still fell +as fine and bewildering as ever. The cold was intense. Dennison, the +doctor and naturalist of the expedition, having slipped his mitten, had +his hand frostbitten before he could recover it. Two of the dogs, Big +Joe and Stryelka, were noticeably giving out. + +But Bennett, his huge jaws clenched, his small, distorted eyes twinkling +viciously through the apertures of the wind-mask, his harsh, black +eyebrows lowering under the narrow, contracted forehead, drove the +expedition to its work relentlessly. Not Muck Tu, the dog-master, had +his Ostiaks more completely under his control than he his men. He +himself did the work of three. On that vast frame of bone and muscle, +fatigue seemed to leave no trace. Upon that inexorable bestial +determination difficulties beyond belief left no mark. Not one of the +twelve men under his command fighting the stubborn ice with tooth and +nail who was not galvanised with his tremendous energy. It was as though +a spur was in their flanks, a lash upon their backs. Their minds, their +wills, their efforts, their physical strength to the last ounce and +pennyweight belonged indissolubly to him. For the time being they were +his slaves, his serfs, his beasts of burden, his draught animals, no +better than the dogs straining in the traces beside them. Forward they +must and would go until they dropped in the harness or he gave the word +to pause. + +At four o'clock in the afternoon Bennett halted. Two miles had been made +since the last camp, and now human endurance could go no farther. +Sometimes when the men fell they were unable to get up. It was evident +there was no more in them that day. + +In his ice-journal for that date Bennett wrote: + +"... Two miles covered by 4 p.m. Our course continues to be south, +20 degrees west (magnetic). The ice still hummocky. At this rate we +shall be on half rations long before we reach Wrangel Island. No +observation possible since day before yesterday on account of snow +and clouds. Stryelka, one of our best dogs, gave out to-day. Shot +him and fed him to the others. Our advance to the southwest is slow +but sure, and every day brings nearer our objective. Temperature at +6 p.m., 6.8 degrees Fahr. (minus 14 degrees C). Wind, east; force, 2." + +The next morning was clear for two hours after breakfast, and when +Ferriss returned from his task of path-finding he reported to Bennett +that he had seen a great many water-blinks off to the southwest. + +"The wind of yesterday has broken the ice up," observed Bennett; "we +shall have hard work to-day." + +A little after midday, at a time when they had wrested some thousand +yards to the southward from the grip of the ice, the expedition came to +the first lane of open water, about three hundred feet in width. Bennett +halted the sledges and at once set about constructing a bridge of +floating cakes of ice. But the work of keeping these ice-blocks in place +long enough for the transfer of even a single sledge seemed at times to +be beyond their most strenuous endeavour. The first sledge with the +cutter crossed in safety. Then came the turn of number two, loaded with +the provisions and whaleboat. It was two-thirds of the way across when +the opposite side of the floe abruptly shifted its position, and thirty +feet of open water suddenly widened out directly in front of the line of +progress. + +"Cut loose!" commanded Bennett upon the instant. The ice-block upon +which they were gathered was set free in the current. The situation was +one of the greatest peril. The entire expedition, men and dogs together, +with their most important sledge, was adrift. But the oars and mast and +the pole of the tent were had from the whaleboat, and little by little +they ferried themselves across. The gap was bridged again and the +dog-sleds transferred. + +But now occurred the first real disaster since the destruction of the +ship. Half-way across the crazy pontoon bridge of ice, the dogs, +harnessed to one of the small sleds, became suddenly terrified. Before +any one could interfere they had bolted from Muck Tu's control in a wild +break for the farther side of the ice. The sled was overturned; +pell-mell the dogs threw themselves into the water; the sled sank, the +load-lashing parted, and two medicine chests, the bag of sewing +materials--of priceless worth--a coil of wire ropes, and three hundred +and fifty pounds of pemmican were lost in the twinkling of an eye. + +Without comment Bennett at once addressed himself to making the best of +the business. The dogs were hauled upon the ice; the few loads that yet +remained upon the sled were transferred to another; that sled was +abandoned, and once more the expedition began its never-ending battle to +the southward. + +The lanes of open water, as foreshadowed by the water-blinks that +Ferriss had noted in the morning, were frequent; alternating steadily +with hummocks and pressure-ridges. But the perversity of the ice was all +but heart-breaking. At every hour the lanes opened and closed. At one +time in the afternoon they had arrived upon the edge of a lane wide +enough to justify them in taking to their boats. The sledges were +unloaded, and stowed upon the boats themselves, and oars and sails made +ready. Then as Bennett was about to launch the lane suddenly closed up. +What had been water became a level floe, and again the process of +unloading and reloading had to be undertaken. + +That evening Big Joe and two other dogs, Gavriga and Patsy, were shot +because of their uselessness in the traces. Their bodies were cut up to +feed their mates. + +"I can spare the dogs," wrote Bennett in his journal for that +day--a Sunday--"but McPherson, one of the best men of the command, +gives me some uneasiness. His frozen footnips have chafed sores in +his ankle. One of these has ulcerated, and the doctor tells me is +in a serious condition. His pain is so great that he can no longer +haul with the others. Shall relieve him from work during the +morrow's march. Less than a mile covered to-day. Meridian +observation for latitude impossible on account of fog. Divine +services at 5:30 p.m." + +A week passed, then another. There was no change, neither in the +character of the ice nor in the expedition's daily routine. Their toil +was incredible; at times an hour's unremitting struggle would gain but a +few yards. The dogs, instead of aiding them, were rapidly becoming mere +encumbrances. Four more had been killed, a fifth had been drowned, and +two, wandering from camp, had never returned. The second dog-sled had +been abandoned. The condition of McPherson's foot was such that no work +could be demanded from him. Hawes, the carpenter, was down with fever +and kept everybody awake all night by talking in his sleep. Worse than +all, however, Ferriss's right hand was again frostbitten, and this time +Dennison, the doctor, was obliged to amputate it above the wrist. + +"... But I am no whit disheartened," wrote Bennett. "Succeed I must +and shall." + +A few days after the operation on Ferriss's hand Bennett decided it +would be advisable to allow the party a full twenty-four hours' rest. +The march of the day before had been harder than any they had yet +experienced, and, in addition to McPherson and the carpenter, the doctor +himself was upon the sick list. + +In the evening Bennett and Ferriss took a long walk or rather climb over +the ice to the southwest, picking out a course for the next day's march. + +A great friendship, not to say affection, had sprung up between these +two men, a result of their long and close intimacy on board the Freja +and of the hardships and perils they had shared during the past few +weeks while leading the expedition in the retreat to the southward. When +they had decided upon the track of the morrow's advance they sat down +for a moment upon the crest of a hummock to breathe themselves, their +elbows on their knees, looking off to the south over the desolation of +broken ice. + +With his one good hand Ferriss drew a pipe and a handful of tea leaves +wrapped in oiled paper from the breast of his deer-skin parkie. + +"Do you mind filling this pipe for me, Ward?" he asked of Bennett. + +Bennett glanced at the tea leaves and handed them back to Ferriss, and +in answer to his remonstrance produced a pouch of his own. + +"Tobacco!" cried Ferriss, astonished; "why, I thought we smoked our last +aboard ship." + +"No, I saved a little of mine." + +"Oh, well," answered Ferriss, trying to interfere with Bennett, who was +filling his pipe, "I don't want your tobacco; this tea does very well." + +"I tell you I have eight-tenths of a kilo left," lied Bennett, lighting +the pipe and handing it back to him. "Whenever you want a smoke you can +set to me." + +Bennett lit a pipe of his own, and the two began to smoke. + +"'M, ah!" murmured Ferriss, drawing upon the pipe ecstatically, "I +thought I never was going to taste good weed again till we should get +home." + +Bennett said nothing. There was a long silence. Home! what did not that +word mean for them? To leave all this hideous, grisly waste of ice +behind, to have done with fighting, to rest, to forget responsibility, +to have no more anxiety, to be warm once more--warm and well fed and +dry--to see a tree again, to rub elbows with one's fellows, to know the +meaning of warm handclasps and the faces of one's friends. + +"Dick," began Bennett abruptly after a long while, "if we get stuck here +in this damned ice I'm going to send you and probably Metz on ahead for +help. We'll make a two-man kyack for you to use when you reach the limit +of the pack, but besides the kyack you'll carry nothing but your +provisions, sleeping-bags, and rifle, and travel as fast as you can." +Bennett paused for a moment, then in a different voice continued: "I +wrote a letter last night that I was going to give you in case I should +have to send you on such a journey, but I think I might as well give it +to you now." + +He drew from his pocket an envelope carefully wrapped in oilskin. + +"If anything should happen to the expedition--to me--I want you to see +that this letter is delivered." + +He paused again. + +"You see, Dick, it's like this; there's a girl--" his face flamed +suddenly, "no--no, a woman, a grand, noble, man's woman, back in God's +country who is a great deal to me--everything in fact. She don't know, +hasn't a guess, that I care. I never spoke to her about it. But if +anything should turn up I should want her to know how it had been +with me, how much she was to me. So I've written her. You'll see that +she gets it, will you?" + +He handed the little package to Ferriss, and continued indifferently, +and resuming his accustomed manner: + +"If we get as far as Wrangel Island you can give it back to me. We are +bound to meet the relief ships or the steam whalers in that latitude. +Oh, you can look at the address," added Bennett as Ferriss, turning the +envelope bottom side up, was thrusting it into his breast pocket; "you +know her even better than I do. It's Lloyd Searight." + +Ferriss's teeth shut suddenly upon his pipestem. + +Bennett rose. "Tell Muck Tu," he said, "in case I don't think of it +again, that the dogs must be fed from now on from those that die. I +shall want the dog biscuit and dried fish for our own use." + +"I suppose it will come to that," answered Ferriss. + +"Come to that!" returned Bennett grimly; "I hope the dogs themselves +will live long enough for us to eat them. And don't misunderstand," he +added; "I talk about our getting stuck in the ice, about my not pulling +through; it's only because one must foresee everything, be prepared for +everything. Remember--I--shall--pull--through." + +But that night, long after the rest were sleeping, Ferriss, who had not +closed his eyes, bestirred himself, and, as quietly as possible, crawled +from his sleeping-bag. He fancied there was some slight change in the +atmosphere, and wanted to read the barometer affixed to a stake just +outside the tent. Yet when he had noted that it was, after all, +stationary, he stood for a moment looking out across the ice with +unseeing eyes. Then from a pocket in his furs he drew a little folder of +morocco. It was pitiably worn, stained with sea-water, patched and +repatched, its frayed edges sewed together again with ravellings of +cloth and sea-grasses. Loosening with his teeth the thong of walrus-hide +with which it was tied, Ferriss opened it and held it to the faint light +of an aurora just paling in the northern sky. + +"So," he muttered after a while, "so--Bennett, too--" + +For a long time Ferriss stood looking at Lloyd's picture till the purple +streamers in the north faded into the cold gray of the heavens. Then he +shot a glance above him. + +"God Almighty, bless her and keep her!" he prayed. + +Far off, miles away, an ice-floe split with the prolonged reverberation +of thunder. The aurora was gone. Ferriss returned to the tent. + +The following week the expedition suffered miserably. Snowstorm followed +snowstorm, the temperature dropped to twenty-two degrees below the +freezing-point, and gales of wind from the east whipped and scourged the +struggling men incessantly with myriad steel-tipped lashes. At night the +agony in their feet was all but unbearable. It was impossible to be +warm, impossible to be dry. Dennison, in a measure, recovered his +health, but the ulcer on McPherson's foot had so eaten the flesh that +the muscles were visible. Hawes's monotonous chatter and crazy +whimperings filled the tent every night. + +The only pleasures left them, the only breaks in the monotony of that +life, were to eat, and, when possible, to sleep. Thought, reason, and +reflection dwindled in their brains. Instincts--the primitive, elemental +impulses of the animal--possessed them instead. To eat, to sleep, to be +warm--they asked nothing better. The night's supper was a vision that +dwelt in their imaginations hour after hour throughout the entire day. +Oh, to sit about the blue flame of alcohol sputtering underneath the old +and battered cooker of sheet-iron! To smell the delicious savour of the +thick, boiling soup! And then the meal itself--to taste the hot, coarse, +meaty food; to feel that unspeakably grateful warmth and glow, that +almost divine sensation of satiety spreading through their poor, +shivering bodies, and then sleep; sleep, though quivering with cold; +sleep, though the wet searched the flesh to the very marrow; sleep, +though the feet burned and crisped with torture; sleep, sleep, the +dreamless stupefaction of exhaustion, the few hours' oblivion, the day's +short armistice from pain! + +But stronger, more insistent than even these instincts of the animal was +the blind, unreasoned impulse that set their faces to the southward: "To +get forward, to get forward." Answering the resistless influence of +their leader, that indomitable man of iron whom no fortune could break +nor bend, and who imposed his will upon them as it were a yoke of +steel--this idea became for them a sort of obsession. Forward, if it +were only a yard; if it were only a foot. Forward over the +heart-breaking, rubble ice; forward against the biting, shrieking wind; +forward in the face of the blinding snow; forward through the brittle +crusts and icy water; forward, although every step was an agony, though +the haul-rope cut like a dull knife, though their clothes were sheets of +ice. Blinded, panting, bruised, bleeding, and exhausted, dogs and men, +animals all, the expedition struggled forward. + +One day, a little before noon, while lunch was being cooked, the sun +broke through the clouds, and for upward of half an hour the ice-pack +was one blinding, diamond glitter. Bennett ran for his sextant and got +an observation, the first that had been possible for nearly a month. He +worked out their latitude that same evening. + +The next morning Ferriss was awakened by a touch on his shoulder. +Bennett was standing over him. + +"Come outside here a moment," said Bennett in a low voice. "Don't wake +the men." + +"Did you get our latitude?" asked Ferriss as the two came out of the +tent. + +"Yes, that's what I want to tell you." + +"What is it?" + +"Seventy-four-nineteen." + +"Why, what do you mean?" asked Ferriss quickly. + +"Just this: That the ice-pack we're on is drifting faster to the north +than we are marching to the south. We are farther north now than we were +a month ago for all our marching." + + + + +II. + + +By eleven o'clock at night the gale had increased to such an extent and +the sea had begun to build so high that it was a question whether or not +the whaleboat would ride the storm. Bennett finally decided that it +would be impossible to reach the land--stretching out in a long, dark +blur to the southwest--that night, and that the boat must run before +the wind if he was to keep her afloat. The number two cutter, with +Ferriss in command, was a bad sailer, and had fallen astern. She was +already out of hailing distance; but Bennett, who was at the whaleboat's +tiller, in the instant's glance that he dared to shoot behind him saw +with satisfaction that Ferriss had followed his example. + +The whaleboat and the number two cutter were the only boats now left to +the expedition. The third boat had been abandoned long before they had +reached open water. + +An hour later Adler, the sailing-master, who had been bailing, and who +sat facing Bennett, looked back through the storm; then, turning to +Bennett, said: + +"Beg pardon, sir, I think they are signalling us." + +Bennett did not answer, but, with his hand gripping the tiller, kept his +face to the front, his glance alternating between the heaving prow of +the boat and the huge gray billows hissing with froth careering rapidly +alongside. To pause for a moment, to vary by ever so little from the +course of the storm, might mean the drowning of them all. After a few +moments Adler spoke again, touching his cap. + +"I'm sure I see a signal, sir." + +"No, you don't," answered Bennett. + +"Beg pardon, I'm quite sure I do." + +Bennett leaned toward him, the cast in his eyes twinkling with a wicked +light, the furrow between the eyebrows deepening. "I tell you, you don't +see any signal; do you understand? You don't see any signal until I +choose to have you." + +The night was bitter hard for the occupants of the whaleboat. In their +weakened condition they were in no shape to fight a polar hurricane in +an open boat. + +For three weeks they had not known the meaning of full rations. During +the first days after the line of march over the ice had been abruptly +changed to the west in the hope of reaching open water, only +three-quarter rations had been issued, and now for the last two days +half rations had been their portion. The gnawing of hunger had begun. +Every man was perceptibly weaker. Matters were getting desperate. + +But by seven o'clock the next morning the storm had blown itself out. To +Bennett's inexpressible relief the cutter hove in view. Shaping their +course to landward once more, the boats kept company, and by the middle +of the afternoon Bennett and the crew of the whaleboat successfully +landed upon a bleak, desolate, and wind-scourged coast. But in some way, +never afterward sufficiently explained, the cutter under Ferriss's +command was crushed in the floating ice within one hundred yards of the +shore. The men and stores were landed--the water being shallow enough +for wading--but the boat was a hopeless wreck. + +"I believe it's Cape Shelaski," said Bennett to Ferriss when camp had +been made and their maps consulted. "But if it is, it's charted +thirty-five minutes too far to the west." + +Before breaking camp the next morning Bennett left this record under a +cairn of rocks upon the highest point of the cape, further marking the +spot by one of the boat's flags: + +"The Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition landed at this point October +28, 1891. Our ship was nipped and sunk in 76 deg. 10 min. north +latitude on the l2th of July last. I then attempted a southerly +march to Wrangel Island, but found such a course impracticable on +account of northerly drift of ice. On the lst of October I +accordingly struck off to the westward to find open water at the +limit of the ice, being compelled to abandon one boat and two +sledges on the way. A second boat was crushed beyond repair in +drifting ice while attempting a landing at this place. Our one +remaining boat being too small to accommodate the members of the +expedition, circumstances oblige me to begin an overland march +toward Kolyuchin Bay, following the line of the coast. We expect +either to winter among the Chuckch settlements mentioned by +Nordenskjold as existing upon the eastern shores of Kolyuchin Bay +or to fall in with the relief ships or the steam whalers en route. +By issuing half rations I have enough provisions for eighteen days, +and have saved all records, observations, papers, instruments, etc. +Enclosed is the muster roll of the expedition. No scurvy as yet and +no deaths. Our sick are William Hawes, carpenter, arctic fever, +serious; David McPherson, seaman, ulceration of left foot, serious. +The general condition of the rest of the men is fair, though much +weakened by exposure and lack of food. + +(Signed) "WARD BENNETT, Commanding." + +But during the night, their first night on land, Bennett resolved upon a +desperate expedient. Not only the boat was to be abandoned, but also the +sledges, and not only the sledges, but every article of weight not +absolutely necessary to the existence of the party. Two weeks before, +the sun had set not to rise again for six months. Winter was upon them +and darkness. The Enemy was drawing near. The great remorseless grip of +the Ice was closing. It was no time for half-measures and hesitation; +now it was life or death. + +The sense of their peril, the nearness of the Enemy, strung Bennett's +nerves taut as harp-strings. His will hardened to the flinty hardness of +the ice itself. His strength of mind and of body seemed suddenly to +quadruple itself. His determination was that of the battering-ram, +blind, deaf, resistless. The ugly set of his face became all the more +ugly, the contorted eyes flashing, the great jaw all but simian. He +appeared physically larger. It was no longer a man; it was a giant, an +ogre, a colossal jotun hurling ice-blocks, fighting out a battle +unspeakable, in the dawn of the world, in chaos and in darkness. + +The impedimenta of the expedition were broken up into packs that each +man carried upon his shoulders. From now on everything that hindered the +rapidity of their movements must be left behind. Six dogs (all that +remained of the pack of eighteen) still accompanied them. + +Bennett had hoped and had counted upon his men for an average daily +march of sixteen miles, but the winter gales driving down from the +northeast beat them back; the ice and snow that covered the land were no +less uneven than the hummocks of the pack. All game had migrated far to +the southward. + +Every day the men grew weaker and weaker; their provisions dwindled. +Again and again one or another of them, worn out beyond human endurance, +would go to sleep while marching and would fall to the ground. + +Upon the third day of this overland march one of the dogs suddenly +collapsed upon the ground, exhausted and dying. Bennett had ordered such +of the dogs that gave out cut up and their meat added to the store of +the party's provisions. Ferriss and Muck Tu had started to pick up the +dead dog when the other dogs, famished and savage, sprang upon their +fallen mate. The two men struck and kicked, all to no purpose; the dogs +turned upon them snarling and snapping. They, too, demanded to live; +they, too, wanted to be fed. It was a hideous business. There in that +half-night of the polar circle, lost and forgotten on a primordial +shore, back into the stone age once more, men and animals fought one +another for the privilege of eating a dead dog. + +But their life was not all inhuman; Bennett at least could rise even +above humanity, though his men must perforce be dragged so far below it. +At the end of the first week Hawes, the carpenter, died. When they awoke +in the morning he was found motionless and stiff in his sleeping-bag. +Some sort of grave was dug, the poor racked body lowered into it, and +before it was filled with snow and broken ice Bennett, standing quietly +in the midst of the bare-headed group, opened his prayer-book and began +with the tremendous words, "I am the Resurrection and the Life--" + +It was the beginning of the end. A week later the actual starvation +began. Slower and slower moved the expedition on its daily march, +faltering, staggering, blinded and buffeted by the incessant northeast +winds, cruel, merciless, keen as knife-blades. Hope long since was dead; +resolve wore thin under friction of disaster; like a rat, hunger gnawed +at them hour after hour; the cold was one unending agony. Still Bennett +was unbroken, still he urged them forward. For so long as they could +move he would drive them on. + +Toward four o'clock on the afternoon of one particularly hard day, word +was passed forward to Bennett at the head of the line that something was +wrong in the rear. + +"It's Adler; he's down again and can't get up; asks you to leave him." + +Bennett halted the line and went back some little distance to find Adler +lying prone upon his back, his eyes half closed, breathing short and +fast. He shook him roughly by the shoulder. + +"Up with you!" + +Adler opened his eyes and shook his head. + +"I--I'm done for this time, sir; just leave me here--please." + +"H'up!" shouted Bennett; "you're not done for; I know better." + +"Really, sir, I--I _can't_." + +"H'up!" + +"If you would only please--for God's sake, sir. It's more than I'm made +for." + +Bennett kicked him in the side. + +"H'up with you!" + +Adler struggled to his feet again, Bennett aiding him. + +"Now, then, can you go five yards?" + +"I think--I don't know--perhaps--" + +"Go them, then." + +The other moved forward. + +"Can you go five more; answer, speak up, can you?" + +Adler nodded his head. + +"Go them--and another five--and another--there--that's something like a +man, and let's have no more woman's drivel about dying." + +"But--" + +Bennett came close to him, shaking a forefinger in his face, thrusting +forward his chin wickedly. + +"My friend, I'll drive you like a dog, but," his fist clenched in the +man's face, "I'll _make_ you pull through." + +Two hours later Adler finished the day's march at the head of the line. + +The expedition began to eat its dogs. Every evening Bennett sent Muck Tu +and Adler down to the shore to gather shrimps, though fifteen hundred of +these shrimps hardly filled a gill measure. The party chewed +reindeer-moss growing in scant patches in the snow-buried rocks, and at +times made a thin, sickly infusion from the arctic willow. Again and +again Bennett despatched the Esquimau and Clarke, the best shots in the +party, on hunting expeditions to the southward. Invariably they returned +empty-handed. Occasionally they reported old tracks of reindeer and +foxes, but the winter colds had driven everything far inland. Once only +Clarke shot a snow-bunting, a little bird hardly bigger than a sparrow. +Still Bennett pushed forward. + +One morning in the beginning of the third week, after a breakfast of two +ounces of dog meat and a half cup of willow tea, Ferriss and Bennett +found themselves a little apart from the others. The men were engaged in +lowering the tent. Ferriss glanced behind to be assured he was out of +hearing, then: + +"How about McPherson?" he said in a low voice. + +McPherson's foot was all but eaten to the bone by now. It was a miracle +how the man had kept up thus far. But at length he had begun to fall +behind; every day he straggled more and more, and the previous evening +had reached camp nearly an hour after the tent had been pitched. But he +was a plucky fellow, of sterner stuff than the sailing-master, Adler, +and had no thought of giving up. + +Bennett made no reply to Ferriss, and the chief engineer did not repeat +the question. The day's march began; almost at once breast-high +snowdrifts were encountered, and when these had been left behind the +expedition involved itself upon the precipitate slopes of a huge talus +of ice and bare, black slabs of basalt. Fully two hours were spent in +clambering over this obstacle, and on its top Bennett halted to breathe +the men. But when they started forward again it was found that McPherson +could not keep his feet. When he had fallen, Adler and Dennison had +endeavoured to lift him, but they themselves were so weak that they, +too, fell. Dennison could not rise of his own efforts, and instead of +helping McPherson had to be aided himself. Bennett came forward, put an +arm about McPherson, and hauled him to an upright position. The man took +a step forward, but his left foot immediately doubled under him, and he +came to the ground again. Three times this manoeuvre was repeated; so +far from marching, McPherson could not even stand. + +"If I could have a day's rest--" began McPherson, unsteadily. Bennett +cast a glance at Dennison, the doctor. Dennison shook his head. The +foot, the entire leg below the knee, should have been amputated days +ago. A month's rest even in a hospital at home would have benefited +McPherson nothing. + +For the fraction of a minute Bennett debated the question, then he +turned to the command. + +"Forward, men!" + +"What--wh--" began McPherson, sitting upon the ground, looking from one +face to another, bewildered, terrified. Some of the men began to move +off. + +"Wait--wait," exclaimed the cripple, "I--I can get along--I--" He rose +to his knees, made, a great effort to regain his footing, and once more +came crashing down upon the ice. + +"Forward!" + +"But--but--but--_Oh, you're not going to leave me, sir_?" + +"Forward!" + +"He's been my chum, sir, all through the voyage," said one of the men, +touching his cap to Bennett; "I had just as soon be left with him. I'm +about done myself." + +Another joined in: + +"I'll stay, too--I can't leave--it's--it's too terrible." + +There was a moment's hesitation. Those who had begun to move on halted. +The whole expedition wavered. + +Bennett caught the dog-whip from Muck Tu's hand. His voice rang like the +alarm of a trumpet. + +"Forward!" + +Once more Bennett's discipline prevailed. His iron hand shut down upon +his men, more than ever resistless. Obediently they turned their faces +to the southward. The march was resumed. + +Another day passed, then two. Still the expedition struggled on. With +every hour their sufferings increased. It did not seem that anything +human could endure such stress and yet survive. Toward three o'clock in +the morning of the third night Adler woke Bennett. + +"It's Clarke, sir; he and I sleep in the same bag. I think he's going, +sir." + +One by one the men in the tent were awakened, and the train-oil lamp was +lit. + +Clarke lay in his sleeping-bag unconscious, and at long intervals +drawing a faint, quick breath. The doctor bent over him, feeling his +pulse, but shook his head hopelessly. + +"He's dying--quietly--exhaustion from starvation." + +A few moments later Clarke began to tremble slightly, the mouth opened +wide; a faint rattle came from the throat. + +Four miles was as much as could be made good the next day, and this +though the ground was comparatively smooth. Ferriss was continually +falling. Dennison and Metz were a little light-headed, and Bennett at +one time wondered if Ferriss himself had absolute control of his wits. +Since morning the wind had been blowing strongly in their faces. By noon +it had increased. At four o'clock a violent gale was howling over the +reaches of ice and rock-ribbed land. It was impossible to go forward +while it lasted. The stronger gusts fairly carried their feet from under +them. At half-past four the party halted. The gale was now a hurricane. +The expedition paused, collected itself, went forward; halted again, +again attempted to move, and came at last to a definite standstill in +whirling snow-clouds and blinding, stupefying blasts. + +"Pitch the tent!" said Bennett quietly. "We must wait now till it blows +over." + +In the lee of a mound of ice-covered rock some hundred yards from the +coast the tent was pitched, and supper, such as it was, eaten in +silence. All knew what this enforced halt must mean for them. That +supper--each man could hold his portion in the hollow of one hand--was +the last of their regular provisions. March they could not. What now? +Before crawling into their sleeping-bags, and at Bennett's request, all +joined in repeating the Creed and the Lord's Prayer. + +The next day passed, and the next, and the next. The gale continued +steadily. The southerly march was discontinued. All day and all night +the men kept in the tent, huddled in the sleeping-bags, sometimes +sleeping eighteen and twenty hours out of the twenty-four. They lost all +consciousness of the lapse of time; sensation even of suffering left +them; the very hunger itself had ceased to gnaw. Only Bennett and +Ferriss seemed to keep their heads. Then slowly the end began. + +For that last week Bennett's entries in his ice-journal were as follows: + +"November 29th--Monday--Camped at 4:30 p.m. about 100 yards from the +coast. Open water to the eastward as far as I can see. If I had not +been compelled to abandon my boats--but it is useless to repine. I +must look our situation squarely in the face. At noon served out +last beef-extract, which we drank with some willow tea. Our +remaining provisions consist of four-fifteenths of a pound of +pemmican per man, and the rest of the dog meat. Where are the +relief ships? We should at least have met the steam whalers long +before this. + +"November 30th--Tuesday--The doctor amputated Mr. Ferriss's other +hand to-day. Living gale of wind from northeast. Impossible to +march against it in our weakened condition; must camp here till it +abates. Made soup of the last of the dog meat this afternoon. Our +last pemmican gone. + +"December lst--Wednesday--Everybody getting weaker. Metz breaking +down. Sent Adler down to the shore to gather shrimps. We had about +a mouthful apiece for lunch. Supper, a spoonful of glycerine and +hot water. + +"December 2d--Thursday--Metz died during the night. Hansen dying. +Still blowing a gale from the northeast. A hard night. + +"December 3d--Friday--Hansen died during early morning. Muck Tu shot +a ptarmigan. Made soup. Dennison breaking down. + +"December 4th--Saturday--Buried Hansen under slabs of ice. Spoonful +of glycerine and hot water at noon. + +"December 5th--Sunday--Dennison found dead this morning between +Adler and myself. Too weak to bury him, or even carry him out of +the tent. He must lie where he is. Divine services at 5:30 +P.M. Last spoonful of glycerine and hot water." + + * * * * * + +The next day was Monday, and at some indeterminate hour of the +twenty-four, though whether it was night or noon he could not say, +Ferriss woke in his sleeping-bag and raised himself on an elbow, and for +a moment sat stupidly watching Bennett writing in his journal. Noticing +that he was awake, Bennett looked up from the page and spoke in a voice +thick and muffled because of the swelling of his tongue. + +"How long has this wind been blowing, Ferriss?" + +"Since a week ago to-day," answered the other. + +Bennett continued his writing. + +"...Incessant gales of wind for over a week. Impossible to move +against them in our weakened condition. But to stay here is to +perish. God help us. It is the end of everything." + +Bennett drew a line across the page under the last entry, and, still +holding the book in his hand, gazed slowly about the tent. + +There were six of them left--five huddled together in that miserable +tent--the sixth, Adler, being down on the shore gathering shrimps. In +the strange and gloomy half-light that filled the tent these survivors +of the Freja looked less like men than beasts. Their hair and beards +were long, and seemed one with the fur covering of their bodies. Their +faces were absolutely black with dirt, and their limbs were monstrously +distended and fat--fat as things bloated and swollen are fat. It was the +abnormal fatness of starvation, the irony of misery, the huge joke that +arctic famine plays upon those whom it afterward destroys. The men moved +about at times on their hands and knees; their tongues were distended, +round, and slate-coloured, like the tongues of parrots, and when they +spoke they bit them helplessly. + +Near the flap of the tent lay the swollen dead body of Dennison. Two of +the party dozed inert and stupefied in their sleeping-bags. Muck Tu was +in the corner of the tent boiling his sealskin footnips over the +sheet-iron cooker. Ferriss and Bennett sat on opposite sides of the +tent, Bennett using his knee as a desk, Ferriss trying to free himself +from the sleeping-bag with the stumps of his arms. Upon one of these +stumps, the right one, a tin spoon had been lashed. + +The tent was full of foul smells. The smell of drugs and of mouldy +gunpowder, the smell of dirty rags, of unwashed bodies, the smell of +stale smoke, of scorching sealskin, of soaked and rotting canvas that +exhaled from the tent cover--every smell but that of food. + +Outside the unleashed wind yelled incessantly, like a sabbath of +witches, and spun about the pitiful shelter and went rioting past, +leaping and somersaulting from rock to rock, tossing handfuls of dry, +dust-like snow into the air; folly-stricken, insensate, an enormous, mad +monster gambolling there in some hideous dance of death, capricious, +headstrong, pitiless as a famished wolf. + +In front of the tent and over a ridge of barren rocks was an arm of the +sea dotted with blocks of ice moving silently and swiftly onward; while +back from the coast, and back from the tent and to the south and to the +west and to the east, stretched the illimitable waste of land, rugged, +gray, harsh; snow and ice and rock, rock and ice and snow, stretching +away there under the sombre sky forever and forever; gloomy, untamed, +terrible, an empty region--the scarred battlefield of chaotic forces, +the savage desolation of a prehistoric world. + +"Where's Adler?" asked Ferriss. + +"He's away after shrimps," responded Bennett. + +Bennett's eyes returned to his journal and rested on the open page +thoughtfully. + +"Do you know what I've just written here, Ferriss?" he asked, adding +without waiting for an answer: "I've written 'It's the end of +everything.'" + +"I suppose it is," admitted Ferriss, looking about the tent. + +"Yes, the end of everything. It's come--at last.... Well." There was a +long silence. One of the men in the sleeping-bags groaned and turned +upon his face. Outside the wind lapsed suddenly to a prolonged sigh of +infinite sadness, clamouring again upon the instant. + +"Dick," said Bennett, returning his journal to the box of records, "it +_is_ the end of everything, and just because it is I want to talk to +you--to ask you something." + +Ferriss came nearer. The horrid shouting of the wind deadened the sound +of their voices; the others could not hear, and by now it would have +mattered very little to any of them if they had. + +"Dick," began Bennett, "nothing makes much difference now. In a few +hours we shall all be like Dennison here;" he tapped the body of the +doctor, who had died during the night. It was already frozen so hard +that his touch upon it resounded as if it had been a log of wood. "We +shall be like this pretty soon. But before--well, while I can, I want to +ask you something about Lloyd Searight. You've known her all your life, +and you saw her later than I did before we left. You remember I had to +come to the ship two days before you, about the bilge pumps." + +While Bennett had been speaking Ferriss had been sitting very erect upon +his sleeping-bag, drawing figures and vague patterns in the fur of his +deer-skin coat with the tip of the tin spoon. Yes, Bennett was right; he, +Ferriss, had known her all his life, and it was no doubt because of this +very fact that she had come to be so dear to him. But he had not always +known it, had never discovered his love for her until the time was at +hand to say good-bye, to leave her for this mad dash for the Pole. It +had been too late to speak then, and Ferriss had never told her. She was +never to know that he too--like Bennett--cared. + +"It seems rather foolish," continued Bennett clumsily, "but if I thought +she had ever cared for me--in that way--why, it would make this that is +coming to us seem--I don't know--easier to be borne perhaps. I say it +very badly, but it would not be so hard to die if I thought she had ever +loved me--a bit." + +Ferriss was thinking very fast. Why was it he had never guessed +something like this? But in Ferriss's mind the idea of the love of a +woman had never associated itself with Bennett, that great, harsh man of +colossal frame, so absorbed in his huge projects, so welded to his +single aim, furthering his purposes to the exclusion of every other +thought, desire, or emotion. Bennett was a man's man. But here Ferriss +checked himself. Bennett himself had called her a man's woman, a grand, +splendid man's woman. He was right; he was right. She was no less than +that; small wonder, after all, that Bennett had been attracted to her. +What a pair they were, strong, masterful both, insolent in the +consciousness of their power! + +"You have known her so well and for so long," continued Bennett, "that I +am sure she must have said something to you about me. Tell me, did she +ever say anything--or not that--but imply in her manner, give you to +understand that she would have married me if I had asked her?" + +Ferriss found time, even in such an hour, to wonder at the sudden and +unexpected break in the uniform hardness of Bennett's character. Ferriss +knew him well by now. Bennett was not a man to ask concessions, to catch +at small favours. What he wanted he took with an iron hand, without ruth +and without scruple. But in the unspeakable dissolution in which they +were now involved did anything make a difference? The dreadful mill in +which they had been ground had crushed from them all petty distinctions +of personality, individuality. Humanity--the elements of character +common to all men--only remained. + +But Ferriss was puzzled as to how he should answer Bennett. On the one +hand was the woman he loved, and on the other Bennett, his best friend, +his chief, his hero. They, too, had lived together for so long, had +fought out the fight with the Enemy shoulder to shoulder, had battled +with the same dangers, had dared the same sufferings, had undergone the +same defeats and disappointments. + +Ferriss felt himself in grievous straits. Must he tell Bennett the +truth? Must this final disillusion be added to that long train of +others, the disasters, the failures, the disappointments, and deferred +hopes of all those past months? Must Bennett die hugging to his heart +this bitterness as well? + +"I sometimes thought," observed Bennett with a weak smile, "that she did +care a little. I've surely seen something like that in her eyes at +certain moments. I wish I had spoken. Did she ever say anything to you? +Do you think she would have married me if I had asked her?" He paused, +waiting for an answer. + +"Oh--yes," hazarded Ferriss, driven to make some sort of response, +hoping to end the conversation; "yes, I think she would." + +"You do?" said Bennett quickly. "You think she would? What did she say? +Did she ever say anything to you?" + +The thing was too cruel; Ferriss shrank from it. But suddenly an idea +occurred to him. Did anything make any difference now? Why not tell his +friend that which he wanted to hear, even if it were not the truth? +After all that Bennett had suffered why could he not die content at +least in this? What did it matter if he spoke? Did anything matter at +such a time when they were all to die within the next twenty-four hours? +Bennett was looking straight into his eyes; there was no time to think +of consequences. Consequences? But there were to be _no_ consequences. +This was the end. Yet could Ferriss make Bennett receive such an +untruth? Ferriss did not believe that Lloyd cared for Bennett; knew that +she did not, in fact, and if she had cared, did Bennett think for an +instant that she--of all women--would have confessed the fact, confessed +it to him, Bennett's most intimate friend? Ferriss had known Lloyd well +for a long time, had at last come to love her. But could he himself tell +whether or no Lloyd cared for him? No, he could not, certainly he could +not. + +Meanwhile Bennett was waiting for his answer. Ferriss's mind was all +confused. He could no longer distinguish right from wrong. If the lie +would make Bennett happier in this last hour of his life, why not tell +the lie? + +"Yes," answered Ferriss, "she did say something once." + +"She did?" + +"Yes," continued Ferriss slowly, trying to invent the most plausible +lie. "We had been speaking of the expedition and of you. I don't know +how the subject was brought up, but it came in very naturally at length. +She said--yes, I recall it. She said: 'You must bring him back to me. +Remember he is everything to me--everything in the world.'" + +"She--" Bennett cleared his throat, then tugged at his mustache; "she +said that?" + +Ferriss nodded. + +"Ah!" said Bennett with a quick breath, then he added: "I'm glad of +that; you haven't any idea how glad I am, Dick--in spite of everything." + +"Oh, yes, I guess I have," murmured Ferriss. + +"No, no, indeed, you haven't," returned the other. "One has to love a +woman like that, Dick, and have her--and find out--and have things come +right, to appreciate it. She would have been my wife after all. I don't +know how to thank you, Dick. Congratulate me." + +He rose, holding out his hand; Ferriss feebly rose, too, and +instinctively extended his arm, but withdrew it suddenly. Bennett paused +abruptly, letting his hand fall to his side, and the two men remained +there an instant, looking at the stumps of Ferriss's arms, the tin spoon +still lashed to the right wrist. + +A few hours later Bennett noted that the gale had begun perceptibly to +abate. By afternoon he was sure that the storm would be over. As he +turned to re-enter the tent after reading the wind-gauge he noted that +Kamiska, their one remaining dog, had come back, and was sitting on a +projection of ice a little distance away, uncertain as to her reception +after her absence. Bennett was persuaded that Kamiska had not run away. +Of all the Ostiaks she had been the most faithful. Bennett chose to +believe that she had wandered from the tent and had lost herself in the +blinding snow. But here was food. Kamiska could be killed; life could be +prolonged a day or two, perhaps three, while the strongest man of the +party, carrying the greater portion of the dog meat on his shoulders, +could push forward and, perhaps, after all, reach Kolyuchin Bay and the +Chuckch settlements and return with aid. But who could go? Assuredly not +Ferriss, so weak he could scarcely keep on his feet; not Adler, who at +times was delirious, and who needed the discipline of a powerful leader +to keep him to his work; Muck Tu, the Esquimau, could not be trusted +with the lives of all of them, and the two remaining men were in all but +a dying condition. Only one man of them all was equal to the task, only +one of them who still retained his strength of body and mind; he +himself, Bennett. Yes, but to abandon his men? + +He crawled into the tent again to get the rifle with which to shoot the +dog, but, suddenly possessed of an idea, paused for a moment, seated on +the sleeping-bag, his head in his hands. + +Beaten? Was he beaten at last? Had the Enemy conquered? Had the Ice +enclosed him in its vast, remorseless grip? Then once more his +determination grew big within him, for a last time that iron will rose +up in mighty protest of defeat. No, no, no; he was not beaten; he would +live; he, the strongest, the fittest, would survive. Was it not right +that the mightiest should live? Was it not the great law of nature? He +knew himself to be strong enough to move; to march, perhaps, for two +whole days; and now food had come to them, to him. Yes, but to abandon +his men? + +He had left McPherson, it is true; but then the lives of all of them had +been involved--one life against eleven. Now he was thinking only of +himself. But Ferriss--no, he could not leave Ferriss. Ferriss would come +with him. They would share the dog meat between them--the whole of it. +He, with Ferriss, would push on. He would reach Kolyuchin Bay and the +settlements. He would be saved; he would reach home; would come +back--come back to Lloyd, who loved him. Yes, but to abandon his men? + +Then Bennett's great fist closed, closed and smote heavily upon his +knee. + +"No," he said decisively. + +He had spoken his thoughts aloud, and Ferriss, who had crawled into his +sleeping-bag again, looked at him curiously. Even Muck Tu turned his +head from the sickening mess reeking upon the cooker. There was a noise +of feet at the flap of the tent. + +"It's Adler," muttered Ferriss. + +Adler tore open the flap. + +Then he shouted to Bennett: "Three steam whalers off the foot of the +floe, sir; boat putting off! What orders, sir?" + +Bennett looked at him stupidly, as yet without definite thought. + +"What did you say?" + +The men in the sleeping-bags, roused by Adler's shout, sat up and +listened stolidly. + +"Steam whalers?" said Bennett slowly. "Where? I guess not," he added, +shaking his head. + +Adler was swaying in his place with excitement. + +"Three whalers," he repeated, "close in. They've put off--oh, my God! +Listen to that." + +The unmistakable sound of a steamer's whistle, raucous and prolonged, +came to their ears from the direction of the coast. One of the men broke +into a feeble cheer. The whole tent was rousing up. Again and again came +the hoarse, insistent cry of the whistle. + +"What orders, sir?" repeated Adler. + +A clamour of voices filled the tent. + +Ferriss came quickly up to Bennett, trying to make himself heard. + +"Listen!" he cried with eager intentness, "what I told you--a while +ago--about Lloyd--I thought--it's all a mistake, you don't understand--" + +Bennett was not listening. + +"What orders, sir?" exclaimed Adler for the third time. + +Bennett drew himself up. + +"My compliments to the officer in command. Tell him there are six of us +left--tell him--oh, tell him anything you damn please. Men," he cried, +his harsh face suddenly radiant, "make ready to get out of this! We're +going home, going home to those who love us, men." + + + + +III. + + +As Lloyd Searight turned into Calumet Square on her way from the +bookseller's, with her purchases under her arm, she was surprised to +notice a drop of rain upon the back of one of her white gloves. She +looked up quickly; the sun was gone. On the east side of the square, +under the trees, the houses that at this hour of the afternoon should +have been overlaid with golden light were in shadow. The heat that had +been palpitating through all the City's streets since early morning was +swiftly giving place to a certain cool and odorous dampness. There was +even a breeze beginning to stir in the tops of the higher elms. As the +drops began to thicken upon the warm, sun-baked asphalt under foot Lloyd +sharply quickened her pace. But the summer storm was coming up rapidly. +By the time she reached the great granite-built agency on the opposite +side of the square she was all but running, and as she put her key in +the door the rain swept down with a prolonged and muffled roar. + +She let herself into the spacious, airy hallway of the agency, shutting +the door by leaning against it, and stood there for an instant to get +her breath. Rownie, the young mulatto girl, one of the servants of the +house, who was going upstairs with an armful of clean towels, turned +about at the closing of the door and called: + +"Jus' in time, Miss Lloyd; jus' in time. I reckon Miss Wakeley and Miss +Esther Thielman going to get for sure wet. They ain't neither one of 'em +took ary umberel." + +"Did Miss Wakeley and Miss Thielman both go out?" demanded Lloyd +quickly. "Did they both go on a call?" + +"Yes, Miss Lloyd," answered Rownie. "I don't know because why Miss +Wakeley went, but Miss Esther Thielman got a typhoid call--another one. +That's three f'om this house come next Sunday week. I reckon Miss +Wakeley going out meks you next on call, Miss Lloyd." + +While Rownie had been speaking Lloyd had crossed the hall to where the +roster of the nurses' names, in little movable slides, hung against the +wall. As often as a nurse was called out she removed her name from the +top of this list and slid it into place at the bottom, so that whoever +found her name at the top of the roster knew that she was "next on call" +and prepared herself accordingly. + +Lloyd's name was now at the top of the list. She had not been gone five +minutes from the agency, and it was rare for two nurses to be called out +in so short a time. + +"Is it your tu'n?" asked Rownie as Lloyd faced quickly about. + +"Yes, yes," answered Lloyd, running up the stairs, adding, as she passed +the mulatto: "There's been no call sent in since Miss Thielman left, has +there, Rownie?" Rownie shook her head. + +Lloyd went directly to her room, tossed her books aside without removing +the wrappers, and set about packing her satchel. When this was done she +changed her tailor-made street dress and crisp skirt for clothes that +would not rustle when she moved, and put herself neatly to rights, +stripping off her rings and removing the dog-violets from her waist. +Then she went to the round, old-fashioned mirror that hung between the +windows of her room, and combed back her hair in a great roll from her +forehead and temples, and stood there a moment or so when she had done, +looking at her reflection. + +She was tall and of a very vigorous build, full-throated, deep-chested, +with large, strong hands and solid, round wrists. Her face was rather +serious; one did not expect her to smile easily; the eyes dull blue, +with no trace of sparkle and set deep under heavy, level eyebrows. Her +mouth was the mouth of the obstinate, of the strong-willed, and her chin +was not small. But her hair was a veritable glory, a dull-red flame, +that bore back from her face in one great solid roll, dull red, like +copper or old bronze, thick, heavy, almost gorgeous in its sombre +radiance. Dull-red hair, dull-blue eyes, and a faint, dull glow forever +on her cheeks, Lloyd was a beautiful woman; much about her that was +regal, for she was very straight as well as very tall, and could look +down upon most women and upon not a few men. + +Lloyd turned from the mirror, laying down the comb. She had yet to pack +her nurse's bag, or, since this was always ready, to make sure that none +of its equipment was lacking. She was very proud of this bag, as she had +caused it to be made after her own ideas and design. It was of black +russia leather and in the form of an ordinary valise, but set off with a +fine silver clasp bearing her name and the agency's address. She brought +it from the closet and ran over its contents, murmuring the while to +herself: + +"Clinical thermometer--brandy--hypodermic syringe--vial of oxalic-acid +crystals--minim-glass--temperature charts; yes, yes, everything right." + +While she was still speaking Miss Douglass, the fever nurse, knocked at +her door, and, finding it ajar, entered without further ceremony. + +"Are you in, Miss Searight?" called Miss Douglass, looking about the +room, for Lloyd had returned to the closet and was busy washing the +minim-glass. + +"Yes, yes," cried Lloyd, "I am. Sit down." + +"Rownie told me you are next on call," said the other, dropping on +Lloyd's couch. + +"So I am; I was very nearly caught, too. I ran over across the square +for five minutes, and while I was gone Miss Wakeley and Esther Thielman +were called. My name is at the top now." + +"Esther got a typhoid case from Dr. Pitts. Do you know, Lloyd, +that's--let me see, that's four--seven--nine--that's ten typhoid cases +in the City that I can think of right now." + +"It's everywhere; yes, I know," answered Lloyd, coming out of the room, +carefully drying the minim-glass. + +"We are going to have trouble with it," continued the fever nurse; +"plenty of it before cool weather comes. It's almost epidemic." + +Lloyd held the minim-glass against the light, scrutinising it with +narrowed lids. + +"What did Esther say when she knew it was an infectious case?" she +asked. "Did she hesitate at all?" + +"Not she!" declared Miss Douglass. "She's no Harriet Freeze." + +Lloyd did not answer. This case of Harriet Freeze was one that the +nurses of the house had never forgotten and would never forgive. Miss +Freeze, a young English woman, newly graduated, suddenly called upon to +nurse a patient stricken with smallpox, had flinched and had been found +wanting at the crucial moment, had discovered an excuse for leaving her +post, having once accepted it. It was cowardice in the presence of the +Enemy. Anything could have been forgiven but that. On the girl's return +to the agency nothing was said, no action taken, but for all that she +was none the less expelled dishonourably from the midst of her +companions. Nothing could have been stronger than the _esprit de corps_ +of this group of young women, whose lives were devoted to an unending +battle with disease. + +Lloyd continued the overhauling of her equipment, and began ruling forms +for nourishment charts, while Miss Douglass importuned her to subscribe +to a purse the nurses were making up for an old cripple dying of cancer. +Lloyd refused. + +"You know very well, Miss Douglass, that I only give to charity through +the association." + +"I know," persisted the other, "and I know you give twice as much as all +of us put together, but with this poor old fellow it's different. We +know all about him, and every one of us in the house has given +something. You are the only one that won't, Lloyd, and I had so hoped I +could make it tip to fifty dollars." + +"No." + +"We need only three dollars now. We can buy that little cigar stand for +him for fifty dollars." + +"No." + +"And you won't give us just three dollars?" + +"No." + +"Well, you give half and I'll give half," said Miss Douglass. + +"Do you think it's a question of money with me?" Lloyd smiled. + +Indeed this was a poor argument with which to move Lloyd--Lloyd whose +railroad stock alone brought her some fifteen thousand dollars a year. + +"Well, no; I don't mean that, of course, but, Lloyd, do let us have +three dollars, and I can send word to the old chap this very afternoon. +It will make him happy for the rest of his life." + +"No--no--no, not three dollars, nor three cents." + +Miss Douglass made a gesture of despair. She might have expected that +she could not move Lloyd. Once her mind was made up, one might argue +with her till one's breath failed. She shook her head at Lloyd and +exclaimed, but not ill-naturedly: + +"Obstinate! Obstinate! Obstinate!" + +Lloyd put away the hypodermic syringe and the minim-glass in their +places in the bag, added a little ice-pick to its contents, and shut the +bag with a snap. + +"Now," she announced, "I'm ready." + +When Miss Douglass had taken herself away Lloyd settled herself in the +place she had vacated, and, stripping the wrappings from the books and +magazines she had bought, began to turn the pages, looking at the +pictures. But her interest flagged. She tried to read, but soon cast the +book from her and leaned back upon the great couch, her hands clasped +behind the great bronze-red coils at the back of her head, her dull-blue +eyes fixed and vacant. + +For hours the preceding night she had lain broad awake in her bed, +staring at the shifting shadow pictures that the electric lights, +shining through the trees down in the square, threw upon the walls and +ceiling of her room. She had eaten but little since morning; a growing +spirit of unrest had possessed her for the last two days. Now it had +reached a head. She could no longer put her thoughts from her. + +It had all come back again for the fiftieth time, for the hundredth +time, the old, intolerable burden of anxiety growing heavier month by +month, year by year. It seemed to her that a shape of terror, formless, +intangible, and invisible, was always by her, now withdrawing, now +advancing, but always there; there close at hand in some dark corner +where she could not see, ready at every instant to assume a terrible and +all too well-known form, and to jump at her from behind, from out the +dark, and to clutch her throat with cold fingers. The thing played with +her, tormented her; at times it all but disappeared; at times she +believed she had fought it from her for good, and then she would wake of +a night, in the stillness and in the dark, and know it to be there once +more--at her bedside--at her back--at her throat--till her heart went +wild with fear, and the suspense of waiting for an Enemy that would not +strike, but that lurked and leered in dark corners, wrung from her a +suppressed cry of anguish and exasperation, and drove her from her sleep +with streaming eyes and tight-shut hands and wordless prayers. + +For a few moments Lloyd lay back upon the couch, then regained her feet +with a brusque, harassed movement of head and shoulders. + +"Ah, no," she exclaimed under her breath, "it is too dreadful." + +She tried to find diversion in her room, rearranging the few ornaments, +winding the clock that struck ships' bells instead of hours, and turning +the wicks of the old empire lamps that hung in brass brackets on either +side the fireplace. Lloyd, after building the agency, had felt no +scruple in choosing the best room in the house and furnishing it +according to her taste. Her room was beautiful, but very simple in its +appointments. There were great flat wall-space unspoiled by bric-a-brac, +the floor marquetry, with but few rugs. The fireplace and its +appurtenances were of brass. Her writing-desk, a huge affair, of ancient +and almost black San Domingo mahogany. + +But soon she wearied of the small business of pottering about her clock +and lamps, and, turning to the window, opened it, and, leaning upon her +elbows, looked down into the square. + +By now the thunderstorm was gone, like the withdrawal of a dark curtain; +the sun was out again over the City. The square, deserted but half an +hour ago, was reinvaded with its little people of nurse-maids, +gray-coated policemen, and loungers reading their papers on the benches +near the fountain. The elms still dripped, their wet leaves glistening +again to the sun. There was a delicious smell in the air--a smell of +warm, wet grass, of leaves and drenched bark from the trees. On the far +side of the square, seen at intervals in the spaces between the foliage, +a passing truck painted vermilion set a brisk note of colour in the +scene. A newsboy appeared chanting the evening editions. On a sudden and +from somewhere close at hand an unseen hand-piano broke out into a gay, +jangling quickstep, marking the time with delightful precision. + +A carriage, its fine lacquered flanks gleaming in the sunlight, rolled +through the square, on its way, no doubt, to the very fashionable +quarter of the City just beyond. Lloyd had a glimpse of the girl leaning +back in its cushions, a girl of her own age, with whom she had some +slight acquaintance. For a moment Lloyd, ridden with her terrors, asked +herself if this girl, with no capabilities for either great happiness or +great sorrow, were not perhaps, after all, happier than she. But she +recoiled instantly, murmuring to herself with a certain fierce energy: + +"No, no; after all, I have lived." + +And how had she lived? For the moment Lloyd was willing to compare +herself with the girl in the landau. Swiftly she ran over her own life +from the time when left an orphan; in the year of her majority she had +become her own mistress and the mistress of the Searight estate. But +even at that time she had long since broken away from the conventional +world she had known. Lloyd was a nurse in the great St Luke's Hospital +even then, had been a probationer there at the time of her mother's +death, six months before. She had always been ambitious, but vaguely so, +having no determined object in view. She recalled how at that time she +knew only that she was in love with her work, her chosen profession, and +was accounted the best operating nurse in the ward. + +She remembered, too, the various steps of her advancement, the positions +she had occupied; probationer first, then full member of the active +corps, next operating nurse, then ward manager, and, after her +graduation, head nurse of ward four, where the maternity cases were +treated. Then had come the time when she had left the hospital and +practised private nursing by herself, and at last, not so long ago, the +day when her Idea had so abruptly occurred to her; when her ambition, no +longer vague, no longer personal, had crystallised and taken shape; when +she had discovered a use for her money and had built and founded the +house on Calumet Square. For a time she had been the superintendent of +nurses here, until her own theories and ideas had obtained and prevailed +in its management. Then, her work fairly started, she had resigned her +position to an older woman, and had taken her place in the rank and file +of the nurses themselves. She wished to be one of them, living the same +life, subject to the same rigorous discipline, and to that end she had +never allowed it to be known that she was the founder of the house. The +other nurses knew that she was very rich, very independent and +self-reliant, but that was all. Lloyd did not know and cared very little +how they explained the origin and support of the agency. + +Lloyd was animated by no great philanthropy, no vast love of humanity in +her work; only she wanted, with all her soul she wanted, to count in the +general economy of things; to choose a work and do it; to help on, +_donner un coup d'epaule_; and this, supported by her own stubborn +energy and her immense wealth, she felt that she was doing. To do things +had become her creed; to do things, not to think them; to do things, not +to talk them; to do things, not to read them. No matter how lofty the +thoughts, how brilliant the talk, how beautiful the literature--for her, +first, last, and always, were acts, acts, acts--concrete, substantial, +material acts. The greatest and happiest day of her life had been when +at last she laid her bare hand upon the rough, hard stone of the house +in the square and looked up at the facade, her dull-blue eyes flashing +with the light that so rarely came to them, while she murmured between +her teeth: + +"I--did--this." + +As she recalled this moment now, leaning upon her elbows, looking down +upon the trees and grass and asphalt of the square, and upon a receding +landau, a wave of a certain natural pride in her strength, the +satisfaction of attainment, came to her. Ah! she was better than other +women; ah! she was stronger than other women; she was carrying out a +splendid work. She straightened herself to her full height abruptly, +stretching her outspread hands vaguely to the sunlight, to the City, to +the world, to the great engine of life whose lever she could grasp and +could control, smiling proudly, almost insolently, in the consciousness +of her strength, the fine steadfastness of her purpose. Then all at once +the smile was struck from her lips, the stiffness of her poise suddenly +relaxed. There, there it was again, the terror, the dreadful fear she +dared not name, back in its place once more--at her side, at her +shoulder, at her throat, ready to clutch at her from out the dark. + +She wheeled from the window, from the sunlight, her hands clasped before +her trembling lips, the tears brimming her dull-blue eyes. For +forty-eight hours she had fought this from her. But now it was no longer +to be resisted. + +"No, no," she cried half aloud. "I am no better, no stronger than the +others. What does it all amount to when I know that, after all, I am +just a woman--just a woman whose heart is slowly breaking?" + +But there was an interruption. Rownie had knocked twice at her door +before Lloyd had heard her. When Lloyd had opened the door the girl +handed her a card with an address written on it in the superintendent's +hand. + +"This here jus' now come in f'om Dr. Street, Miss Lloyd," said Rownie; +"Miss Bergyn" (this was the superintendent nurse) "ast me to give it to +you." + +It was a call to an address that seemed familiar to Lloyd at first; but +she did not stop at that moment to reflect. Her stable telephone hung +against the wall of the closet. She rang for Lewis, and while waiting +for him to get around dressed for the street. + +For the moment, at the prospect of action, even her haunting fear drew +off and stood away from her. She was absorbed in her work upon the +instant--alert, watchful, self-reliant. What the case was she could only +surmise. How long she would be away she had no means of knowing--a week, +a month, a year, she could not tell. But she was ready for any +contingency. Usually the doctors informed the nurses as to the nature of +the case at the time of sending for them, but Dr. Street had not done so +now. + +However, Rownie called up to her that her coupe was at the door. Lloyd +caught up her satchels and ran down the stairs, crying good-bye to Miss +Douglass, whom she saw at the farther end of the hall. In the hallway by +the vestibule she changed the slide bearing her name from the top to the +bottom of the roster. + +"How about your mail?" cried Miss Douglass after her. + +"Keep it here for me until I see how long I'm to be away," answered +Lloyd, her hand upon the knob. "I'll let you know." + +Lewis had put Rox in the shafts, and while the coupe spun over the +asphalt at a smart clip Lloyd tried to remember where she had heard of +the address before. Suddenly she snapped her fingers; she knew the case, +had even been assigned to it some eight months before. + +"Yes, yes, that's it--Campbell--wife dead--Lafayette Avenue--little +daughter, Hattie--hip disease--hopeless--poor little baby." + +Arriving at the house, Lloyd found the surgeon, Dr. Street, and Mr. +Campbell, who was a widower, waiting for her in a small drawing-room off +the library. The surgeon was genuinely surprised and delighted to see +her. Most of the doctors of the City knew Lloyd for the best trained +nurse in the hospitals. + +"Oh, it's you, Miss Searight; good enough!" The surgeon introduced her +to the little patient's father, adding: "If any one can pull us through, +Campbell, it will be Miss Searight." + +The surgeon and nurse began to discuss the case. + +"I think you know it already, don't you, Miss Searight?" said the +surgeon. "You took care of it a while last winter. Well, there was a +little improvement in the spring, not so much pain, but that in itself +is a bad sign. We have done what we could, Farnham and I. But it don't +yield to treatment; you know how these things are--stubborn. We made a +preliminary examination yesterday. Sinuses have occurred, and the probe +leads down to nothing but dead bone. Farnham and I had a consultation +this morning. We must play our last card. I shall exsect the joint +to-morrow." + +Mr. Campbell drew in his breath and held it for a moment, looking out of +the window. + +Very attentive, Lloyd merely nodded her head, murmuring: + +"I understand." + +When Dr. Street had gone Lloyd immediately set to work. The operation +was to take place at noon the following day, and she foresaw there would +be no sleep for her that night. Street had left everything to her, even +to the sterilising of his instruments. Until daylight the following +morning Lloyd came and went about the house with an untiring energy, yet +with the silence of a swiftly moving shadow, getting together the things +needed for the operation--strychnia tablets, absorbent cotton, the +rubber tubing for the tourniquet, bandages, salt, and the like--and +preparing the little chamber adjoining the sick-room as an +operating-room. + +The little patient herself, Hattie, hardly into her teens, remembered +Lloyd at once. Before she went to sleep Lloyd contrived to spend an hour +in the sick-room with her, told her as much as was necessary of what +was contemplated, and, by her cheery talk, her gentleness and sympathy, +inspired the little girl with a certain sense of confidence and trust in +her. + +"But--but--but just how bad will it hurt, Miss Searight?" inquired +Hattie, looking at her, wide-eyed and serious. + +"Dear, it won't hurt you at all; just two or three breaths of the ether +and you will be sound asleep. When you wake up it will be all over and +you will be well." + +Lloyd made the ether cone from a stiff towel, and set it on Hattie's +dressing-table. Last of all and just before the operation the gauze +sponges occupied her attention. The daytime brought her no rest. Hattie +was not to have any breakfast, but toward the middle of the forenoon +Lloyd gave her a stimulating enema of whiskey and water, following it +about an hour later by a hundredth grain of atropia. She braided the +little girl's hair in two long plaits so that her head would rest +squarely and flatly upon the pillow. Hattie herself was now ready for +the surgeon. + +Now there was nothing more to be done. Lloyd could but wait. She took +her place at the bedside and tried to talk as lightly as was possible to +her patient. But now there was a pause in the round of action. Her mind +no longer keenly intent upon the immediate necessities of the moment, +began to hark back again to the one great haunting fear that for so long +had overshadowed it. Even while she exerted herself to be cheerful and +watched for the smiles on Hattie's face her hands twisted tight and +tighter under the folds of her blouse, and some second self within her +seemed to say: + +"Suppose, suppose it should come, this thing I dread but dare not name, +what then, what then? Should I not expect it? Is it not almost a +certainty? Have I not been merely deceiving myself with the forlornest +hopes? Is it not the most reasonable course to expect the worst? Do not +all indications point that way? Has not my whole life been shaped to +this end? Was not this calamity, this mighty sorrow, prepared for me +even before I was born? And one can do nothing, absolutely nothing, +nothing, but wait and hope and fear, and eat out one's heart with +longing." + +There was a knock at the door. Instead of calling to enter Lloyd went to +it softly and opened it a few inches. Mr. Campbell was there. + +"They've come--Street and the assistant." + +Lloyd heard a murmur of voices in the hall below and the closing of the +front door. + +Farnham and Street went at once to the operating-room to make their +hands and wrists aseptic. Campbell had gone downstairs to his +smoking-room. It had been decided--though contrary to custom--that Lloyd +should administer the chloroform. + +At length Street tapped with the handle of a scalpel on the door to say +that he was ready. + +"Now, dear," said Lloyd, turning to Hattie, and picking up the ether +cone. + +But the little girl's courage suddenly failed her. She began to plead in +a low voice choked with tears. Her supplications were pitiful; but +Lloyd, once more intent upon her work, every faculty and thought +concentrated upon what must be done, did not temporise an instant. +Quietly she gathered Hattie's frail wrists in the grip of one strong +palm, and held the cone to her face until she had passed off with a long +sigh. She picked her up lightly, carried her into the next room, and +laid her upon the operating-table. At the last moment Lloyd had busied +herself with the preparation of her own person. Over her dress she +passed her hospital blouse, which had been under a dry heat for hours. +She rolled her sleeves up from her strong white forearms with their +thick wrists and fine blue veining, and for upward of ten minutes +scrubbed them with a new nail-brush in water as hot as she could bear +it. After this she let her hands and forearms lie in the permanganate of +potash solution till they were brown to the elbow, then washed away the +stain in the oxalic-acid solution and in sterilised hot water. Street +and Farnham, wearing their sterilised gowns and gloves, took their +places. There was no conversation. The only sounds were an occasional +sigh from the patient, a direction given in a low tone, and, at +intervals, the click of the knives and scalpel. From outside the window +came the persistent chirping of a band of sparrows. + +Promptly the operation was begun; there was no delay, no hesitation; +what there was to be done had been carefully planned beforehand, even to +the minutest details. Street, a master of his profession, thoroughly +familiar with every difficulty that might present itself during the +course of the work in hand, foreseeing every contingency, prepared for +every emergency, calm, watchful, self-contained, set about the exsecting +of the joint with no trace of compunction, no embarrassment, no +misgiving. His assistants, as well as he himself, knew that life or +death hung upon the issue of the next ten minutes. Upon Street alone +devolved the life of the little girl. A second's hesitation at the wrong +stage of the operation, a slip of bistoury or scalpel, a tremor of the +wrist, a single instant's clumsiness of the fingers, and the +Enemy--watching for every chance, intent for every momentarily opened +chink or cranny wherein he could thrust his lean fingers--entered the +frail tenement with a leap, a rushing, headlong spring that jarred the +house of life to its foundations. Lowering close over her head Lloyd +felt the shadow of his approach. He had arrived there in that +commonplace little room, with its commonplace accessories, its +ornaments, that suddenly seemed so trivial, so impertinent--the stopped +French clock, with its simpering, gilded cupids, on the mantelpiece; the +photograph of a number of picnickers "grouped" on a hotel piazza gazing +with monolithic cheerfulness at this grim business, this struggle of the +two world forces, this crisis in a life. + +Then abruptly the operation was over. + +The nurse and surgeons eased their positions immediately, drawing long +breaths. They began to talk, commenting upon the operation, and Lloyd, +intensely interested, asked Street why he had, contrary to her +expectations, removed the bone above the lesser trochanter. He smiled, +delighted at her intelligence. + +"It's better than cutting through the neck, Miss Searight," he told her. +"If I had gone through the neck, don't you see, the trochanter major +would come over the hole and prevent the discharges." + +"Yes, yes, I see, of course," assented Lloyd. + +The incision was sewn up, and when all was over Lloyd carried Hattie +back to the bed in the next room. Slowly the little girl regained +consciousness, and Lloyd began to regard her once more as a human being. +During the operation she had forgotten the very existence of Hattie +Campbell, a little girl she knew. She had only seen a bit of mechanism +out of order and in the hands of a repairer. It was always so with +Lloyd. Her charges were not infrequently persons whom she knew, often +intimately, but during the time of their sickness their personalities +vanished for the trained nurse; she saw only the "case," only the +mechanism, only the deranged clockwork in imminent danger of running +down. + +But the danger was by no means over. The operation had been near the +trunk. There had been considerable loss of blood, and the child's power +of resistance had been weakened by long periods of suffering. Lloyd +feared that the shock might prove too great. Farnham departed, but for a +little while the surgeon remained with Lloyd to watch the symptoms. At +length, however, he too, pressed for time, and expected at one of the +larger hospitals of the City, went away, leaving directions for Lloyd to +telephone him in case of the slightest change. At this hour, late in the +afternoon, there were no indications that the little girl would not +recover from the shock. Street believed she would rally and ultimately +regain her health. + +"But," he told Lloyd as he bade her good-bye, "I don't need to impress +upon you the need of care and the greatest vigilance; absolute rest is +the only thing; she must see nobody, not even her father. The whole +system is numbed and deadened just yet, but there will be a change +either for better or worse some time to-night." + +For thirty-six hours Lloyd had not closed an eye, but of that she had no +thought. Her supper was sent up to her, and she prepared herself for her +night's watch. She gave the child such nourishment as she believed she +could stand, and from time to time took her pulse, making records of it +upon her chart for the surgeon's inspection later on. At intervals she +took Hattie's temperature, placing the clinical thermometer in the +armpit. Toward nine in the evening, while she was doing this for the +third time within the hour, one of the house servants came to the room +to inform her that she was wanted on the telephone. Lloyd hesitated, +unwilling to leave Hattie for an instant. However, the telephone was +close at hand, and it was quite possible that Dr. Street had rung her up +to ask for news. + +But it was the agency that had called, and Miss Douglass informed her +that a telegram had arrived there for her a few moments before. Should +she hold it or send it to her by Rownie? Lloyd reflected a moment. + +"Oh--open it and read it to me," she said. "It's a call, isn't +it?--or--no; send it here by Rownie, and send my hospital slippers with +her, the ones without heels. But don't ring up again to-night; we're +expecting a crisis almost any moment." + +Lloyd returned to the sick-room, sent away the servant, and once more +settled herself for the night. Hattie had roused for a moment. + +"Am I going to get well, am I going to get well, Miss Searight?" + +Lloyd put her finger to her lips, nodding her head, and Hattie closed +her eyes again with a long breath. A certain great tenderness and +compassion for the little girl grew big in Lloyd's heart. To herself she +said: + +"God helping me, you shall get well. They believe in me, these +people--'If any one could pull us through it would be Miss Searight.' We +will 'pull through,' yes, for I'll do it." + +The night closed down, dark and still and very hot. Lloyd, regulating +the sick-room's ventilation, opened one of the windows from the top. The +noises of the City steadily decreasing as the hours passed, reached her +ears in a subdued, droning murmur. On her bed, that had for so long been +her bed of pain, Hattie lay with closed eyes, inert, motionless, hardly +seeming to breathe, her life in the balance; unhappy little invalid, +wasted with suffering, with drawn, pinched face and bloodless lips, and +at her side Lloyd, her dull-blue eyes never leaving her patient's face, +alert and vigilant, despite her long wakefulness, her great bronze-red +flame of hair rolling from her forehead and temples, the sombre glow in +her cheeks no whit diminished by her day of fatigue, of responsibility +and untiring activity. + +For the time being she could thrust her fear, the relentless Enemy that +for so long had hung upon her heels, back and away from her. There was +another Enemy now to fight--or was it another--was it not the same +Enemy, the very same, whose shadow loomed across that sick-bed, across +the frail, small body and pale, drawn face? + +With her pity and compassion for the sick child there arose in Lloyd a +certain unreasoned, intuitive obstinacy, a banding together of all her +powers and faculties in one great effort at resistance, a steadfastness +under great stress, a stubbornness, that shut its ears and eyes. It was +her one dominant characteristic rising up, strong and insistent the +instant she knew herself to be thwarted in her desires or checked in a +course she believed to be right and good. And now as she felt the +advance of the Enemy and saw the shadow growing darker across the bed +her obstinacy hardened like tempered steel. + +"No," she murmured, her brows levelled, her lips compressed, "she shall +not die. I will not let her go." + +A little later, perhaps an hour after midnight, at a time when she +believed Hattie to be asleep, Lloyd, watchful as ever, noted that her +cheeks began alternately to puff out and contract with her breathing. In +an instant the nurse was on her feet. She knew the meaning of this sign. +Hattie had fainted while asleep. Lloyd took the temperature. It was +falling rapidly. The pulse was weak, rapid, and irregular. It seemed +impossible for Hattie to take a deep breath. + +Then swiftly the expected crisis began to develop itself. Lloyd ordered +Street to be sent for, but only as a matter of form. Long before he +could arrive the issue would be decided. She knew that now Hattie's life +depended on herself alone. + +"Now," she murmured, as though the Enemy she fought could hear her, "now +let us see who is the stronger. You or I." + +Swiftly and gently she drew the bed from the wall and raised its foot, +propping it in position with half a dozen books. Then, while waiting for +the servants, whom she had despatched for hot blankets, administered a +hypodermic injection of brandy. + +"We will pull you through," she kept saying to herself, "we will pull +you through. I shall not let you go." + +The Enemy was close now, and the fight was hand to hand. Lloyd could +almost feel, physically, actually, feel the slow, sullen, resistless +pull that little by little was dragging Hattie's life from her grip. She +set her teeth, holding back with all her might, bracing herself against +the strain, refusing with all inborn stubbornness to yield her position. + +"No--no," she repeated to herself, "you shall not have her. I will not +give her up; you shall not triumph over me." + +Campbell was in the room, warned by the ominous coming and going of +hushed footsteps. + +"What is the use, nurse? It's all over. Let her die in peace. It's too +cruel; let her die in peace." + +The half-hour passed, then the hour. Once more Lloyd administered +hypodermically the second dose of brandy. Campbell, unable to bear the +sight, had withdrawn to the adjoining room, where he could be heard +pacing the floor. From time to time he came back for a moment, +whispering: + +"Will she live, nurse? Will she live? Shall we pull her through?" + +"I don't know," Lloyd told him. "I don't know. Wait. Go back. I will let +you know." + +Another fifteen minutes passed. Lloyd fancied that the heart's action +was growing a little stronger. A great stillness had settled over the +house. The two servants waiting Lloyd's orders in the hall outside the +door refrained even from whispering. From the next room came the muffled +sound of pacing footsteps, hurried, irregular, while with that strange +perversity which seizes upon the senses at moments when they are more +than usually acute Lloyd began to be aware of a vague, unwonted movement +in the City itself, outside there behind the drawn curtains and +half-opened window--a faint, uncertain agitation, a trouble, a passing +ripple on the still black pool of the night, coming and going, and +coming again, each time a little more insistent, each time claiming a +little more attention and notice. It was about half past three o'clock. +But the little patient's temperature was rising--there could be no doubt +about that. The lungs expanded wider and deeper. Hattie's breathing was +unmistakably easier; and as Lloyd put her fingers to the wrist she could +hardly keep back a little exultant cry as she felt the pulse throbbing +fuller, a little slower, a little more regularly. Now she redoubled her +attention. Her hold upon the little life shut tighter; her power of +resistance, her strength of purpose, seemed to be suddenly quadrupled. +She could imagine the Enemy drawing off; she could think that the grip +of cold fingers was loosening. + +Slowly the crisis passed off, slowly the reaction began. Hattie was +still unconscious, but there was a new look upon her face--a look that +Lloyd had learned to know from long experience, an intangible and most +illusive expression, nothing, something, the sign that only those who +are trained to search for it may see and appreciate--the earliest faint +flicker after the passing of the shadow. + +"Will she live, will she live, nurse?" came Mr. Campbell's whisper at +her shoulder. + +"I think--I am almost sure--but we must not be too certain yet. Still +there's a chance; yes, there's a chance." + +Campbell, suddenly gone white, put out his hand and leaned a moment +against the mantelpiece. He did not now leave the room. The door-bell +rang. + +"Dr. Street," murmured Lloyd. + +But what had happened in the City? There in the still dark hours of that +hot summer night an event of national, perhaps even international, +importance had surely transpired. It was in the air--a sense of a Great +Thing come suddenly to a head somewhere in the world. Footsteps sounded +rapidly on the echoing sidewalks. Here and there a street door opened. +From corner to corner, growing swiftly nearer, came the cry of newsboys +chanting extras. A subdued excitement was abroad, finding expression in +a vague murmur, the mingling of many sounds into one huge note--a note +that gradually swelled and grew louder and seemed to be rising from all +corners of the City at once. + +There was a step at the sick-room door. Dr. Street? No, Rownie--Rownie +with two telegrams for Lloyd. + +Lloyd took them from her, then with a sharp, brusque movement of her +head and suddenly smitten with an idea, turned from them to listen to +the low, swelling murmur of the City. These despatches--no, they were no +"call" for her. She guessed what they might be. Why had they come to her +now? Why was there this sense of some great tidings in the wind? The +same tidings that had come to the world might come to her--in these +despatches. Might it not be so? She caught her breath quickly. The +terror, the fearful anxiety that had haunted and oppressed her for so +long, was it to be lifted now at last? The Enemy that lurked in the dark +corners, ever ready to clutch her, was it to be driven back and away +from her forever? She dared not hope for it. But something was coming to +her; she knew it, she felt it; something was preparing for her, coming +to her swifter with every second--coming, coming, coming from out the +north. She saw Dr. Street in the room, though how and when he had +arrived she could not afterward recall. Her mind was all alert, intent +upon other things, listening, waiting. The surgeon had been leaning over +the bed. Suddenly he straightened up, saying aloud to Campbell: + +"Good, good, we're safe. We have pulled through." + +Lloyd tore open her telegrams. One was signed "Bennett," the other +"Ferriss." + +"Thank God!" exclaimed Mr. Campbell. + +"Oh," cried Lloyd, a great sob shaking her from head to heel, a smile of +infinite happiness flashing from her face. "Oh--yes, thank God, we--we +_have_ pulled through." + +"Am I going to get well, am I going to get well, Miss Searight?" Hattie, +once more conscious, raised her voice weak and faint. + +Lloyd was on her knees beside her, her head bent over her. + +"Hush; yes, dear, you are safe." Then the royal bronze-red hair bent +lower still. The dull-blue eyes were streaming now, the voice one low +quiver of sobs. Tenderly, gently Lloyd put an arm about the child, her +head bending lower and lower. Her cheek touched Hattie's. For a moment +the little girl, frail, worn, pitifully wasted, and the strong, vigorous +woman, with her imperious will and indomitable purpose, rested their +heads upon the same pillow, both broken with suffering, the one of the +body, the other of the mind. + +"Safe; yes, dear, safe," whispered Lloyd, her face all but hidden. +"Safe, safe, and saved to me. Oh, dearest of all the world!" + +And then to her ears the murmur of the City seemed to leap suddenly to +articulate words, the clanging thunder of the entire nation--the whole +round world thrilling with this great news that had come to it from out +the north in the small hours of this hot summer's night. And the +chanting cries of the street rolled to her like the tremendous diapason +of a gigantic organ: + +"Rescued, rescued, rescued!" + + + + +IV. + + +On the day that Lloyd returned to the house on Calumet Square (Hattie's +recovery being long since assured), and while she was unpacking her +valise and settling herself again in her room, a messenger boy brought +her a note. + +"Have just arrived in the City. When may I see you? BENNETT." + +News of Ward Bennett and of Richard Ferriss had not been wanting during +the past fortnight or so. Their names and that of the ship herself, even +the names of Adler, Hansen, Clarke, and Dennison, even Muck Tu, even +that of Kamiska, the one surviving dog, filled the mouths and minds of +men to the exclusion of everything else. + +The return of the expedition after its long imprisonment in the ice and +at a time when all hope of its safety had been abandoned was one of the +great events of that year. The fact that the expedition had failed to +reach the Pole, or to attain any unusual high latitude, was forgotten or +ignored. Nothing was remembered but the masterly retreat toward +Kolyuchin Bay, the wonderful march over the ice, the indomitable +courage, unshaken by hardship, perils, obstacles, and privations almost +beyond imagination. All this, together with a multitude of details, some +of them palpably fictitious, the press of the City where Bennett and +Ferriss both had their homes published and republished and published +again and again. News of the men, their whereabouts and intentions, +invaded the sick-room--where Lloyd watched over the convalescence of her +little patient--by the very chinks of the windows. + +Lloyd learned how the ship had been "nipped;" how, after inconceivable +toil, the members of the expedition had gained the land; how they had +marched southward toward the Chuckch settlements; how, at the eleventh +hour, the survivors, exhausted and starving, had been rescued by the +steam whalers; how these whalers themselves had been caught in the ice, +and how the survivors of the Freja had been obliged to spend another +winter in the Arctic. She learned the details of their final return. In +the quiet, darkened room where Hattie lay she heard from without the +echo of the thunder of the nations; she saw how the figure of Bennett +towered suddenly magnificent in the world; how that the people were +brusquely made aware of a new hero. She learned that honours came +thronging about him unsought; that the King of the Belgians had +conferred a decoration upon him; that the geographical societies of +continental Europe had elected him to honourary membership; that the +President and the Secretary of War had sent telegrams of +congratulations. + +"And what does he do," she murmured, "the first of all upon his return? +Asks to see me--me!" + +She sent an answer to his note by the same boy who brought it, naming +the following afternoon, explaining that two days later she expected to +go into the country to a little town called Bannister to take her annual +fortnight's vacation. + +"But what of--of the other?" she murmured as she stood at the window of +her room watching the messenger boy bicycling across the square. "Why +does not he--he, too--?" + +She put her chin in the air and turned about, looking abstractedly at +the rugs on the parquetry. + +Lloyd's vacation had really begun two days before. Her name was off the +roster of the house, and till the end of the month her time was her own. +The afternoon was hot and very still. Even in the cool, stone-built +agency, with its windows wide and heavily shaded with awnings, the heat +was oppressive. For a long time Lloyd had been shut away from fresh air +and the sun, and now she suddenly decided to drive out in the City's +park. She rang up her stable and ordered Lewis to put her ponies to her +phaeton. + +She spent a delightful two hours in the great park, losing herself in +its farthest, shadiest, and most unfrequented corners. She drove +herself, and intelligently. Horses were her passion, and not Lewis +himself understood their care and management better. Toward the cool of +the day and just as she had pulled the ponies down to a walk in a long, +deserted avenue overspanned with elms and great cottonwoods she was all +at once aware of an open carriage that had turned into the far end of +the same avenue approaching at an easy trot. It drew near, and she saw +that its only occupant was a man leaning back rather limply in the +cushions. As the eye of the trained nurse fell upon him she at once +placed him in the category of convalescents or chronic invalids, and she +was vaguely speculating as to the nature of his complaint when the +carriage drew opposite her phaeton, and she recognised Richard Ferriss. + +Ferriss, but not the same Ferriss to whom she had said good-bye on that +never-to-be-forgotten March afternoon, with its gusts and rain, four +long years ago. The Ferriss she had known then had been an alert, keen +man, with quick, bright eyes, alive to every impression, responsive to +every sensation, living his full allowance of life. She was looking now +at a man unnaturally old, of deadened nerves, listless. As he caught +sight of her and recognised her he suddenly roused himself with a quick, +glad smile and with a look in his eyes that to Lloyd was unmistakable. +But there was not that joyful, exuberant start she had anticipated, and, +for that matter, wished. Neither did Lloyd set any too great store by +the small amenities of life, but that Ferriss should remain covered hurt +her a little. She wondered how she could note so trivial a detail at +such a moment. But this was Ferriss. + +Her heart was beating fast and thick as she halted her ponies. The +driver of the carriage jumped down and held the door for Ferriss, and +the chief engineer stepped quickly toward her. + +So it was they met after four years--and such years--unexpectedly, +without warning or preparation, and not at all as she had expected. What +they said to each other in those first few moments Lloyd could never +afterward clearly remember. One incident alone detached itself vividly +from the blur. + +"I have just come from the square," Ferriss had explained, "and they +told me that you had left for a drive out here only the moment before, +so there was nothing for it but to come after you." + +"Shan't we walk a little?" she remembered she had asked after a while. +"We can have the carriages wait; or do you feel strong enough? I +forgot--" + +But he interrupted her, protesting his fitness. + +"The doctor merely sent me out to get the air, and it's humiliating to +be wheeled about like an old woman." + +Lloyd passed the reins back of her to Lewis, and, gathering her skirts +about her, started to descend from the phaeton. The step was rather high +from the ground. Ferriss stood close by. Why did he not help her? Why +did he stand there, his hands in his pockets, so listless and +unconscious of her difficulty. A little glow of irritation deepened the +dull crimson of her cheeks. Even returned Arctic explorers could not +afford to ignore entirely life's little courtesies--and he of all men. + +"Well," she said, expectantly hesitating before attempting to descend. + +Then she caught Ferriss's eyes fixed upon her. He was smiling a little, +but the dull, stupefied expression of his face seemed for a brief +instant to give place to one of great sadness. He raised a shoulder +resignedly, and Lloyd, with the suddenness of a blow, remembered that +Ferriss had no hands. + +She dropped back in the seat of the phaeton, covering her eyes, shaken +and unnerved for the moment with a great thrill of infinite pity--of +shame at her own awkwardness, and of horror as for one brief instant the +smiling summer park, the afternoon's warmth, the avenue of green, +over-arching trees, the trim, lacquered vehicles and glossy-brown horses +were struck from her mind, and she had a swift vision of the Ice, the +darkness of the winter night, the lacerating, merciless cold, the +blinding, whirling, dust-like snow. + +For half an hour they walked slowly about in the park, the carriages +following at a distance. They did not talk very much. It seemed to Lloyd +that she would never tire of scrutinising his face, that her interest in +his point of view, his opinions, would never flag. He had had an +experience that came but to few men. For four years he had been out of +the world, had undergone privation beyond conception. What now was to be +his attitude? How had he changed? That he had not changed to her Lloyd +knew in an instant. He still loved her; that was beyond all doubt. But +this terrible apathy that seemed now to be a part of him! She had heard +of the numbing stupor that invades those who stay beyond their time in +the Ice, but never before had she seen it in its reality. It was not a +lack of intelligence; it seemed rather to be the machinery of +intelligence rusted and clogged from long disuse. He deliberated long +before he spoke. It took him some time to understand things. Speech did +not come to him readily, and he became easily confused in the matter of +words. Once, suddenly, he had interrupted her, breaking out with: + +"Oh, the smell of the trees, of the grass! Isn't it wonderful; isn't it +wonderful?" And a few seconds later, quite irrelevantly: "And, after +all, we failed." + +At once Lloyd was all aroused, defending him against himself. + +"Failed! And you say that? If you did not reach the Pole, what then? The +world will judge you by results perhaps, and the world's judgment will +be wrong. Is it nothing that you have given the world an example of +heroism--" + +"Oh, don't call it that." + +"Of heroism, of courage, of endurance? Is it nothing that you have +overcome obstacles before which other men would have died? Is it nothing +that you have shown us all how to be patient, how to be strong? There +are some things better even than reaching the Pole. To suffer and be +calm is one of them; not to give up--never to be beaten--is another. Oh, +if I were a man! Ten thousand, a hundred thousand people are reading +to-night of what you have done--of what you have done, you understand, +not of what you have failed to do. They have seen--you have shown them +what the man can do who says _I will_, and you have done a little more, +have gone a little further, have been a little braver, a little hardier, +a little nobler, a little more determined than any one has ever been +before. Whoever fails now cannot excuse himself by saying that he has +done as much as a man can do. He will have to remember the men of the +Freja. He will have to remember you. Don't you suppose I am proud of +you; don't you suppose that I am stronger and better because of what you +have done? Do you think it is nothing for me to be sitting here beside +you, here in this park--to be--yes, to be with you? Can't you +understand? Isn't it something to me that you are the man you are; not +the man whose name the people are shouting just now, not the man to whom +a king gave a bit of ribbon and enamel, but the man who lived like a +man, who would not die just because it was easier to die than to live, +who fought like a man, not only for himself but for the lives of those +he led, who showed us all how to be strong, and how strong one could be +if one would only try? What does the Pole amount to? The world wants +men, great, strong, harsh, brutal men--men with purposes, who let +nothing, nothing, nothing stand in their way." + +"You mean Bennett," said Ferriss, looking up quickly. "You commenced by +speaking of me, but it's Bennett you are talking of now." + +But he caught her glance and saw that she was looking steadfastly at +him--at him. A look was in her face, a light in her dull-blue eyes, that +he had never seen there before. + +"Lloyd," he said quietly, "which one of us, Bennett or I, were you +speaking of just then? You know what I mean; which one of us?" + +"I was speaking of the man who was strong enough to do great things," +she said. + +Ferriss drew the stumps of his arms from his pockets and smiled at them +grimly. + +"H'm, can one do much--this way?" he muttered. + +With a movement she did not try to restrain Lloyd put both her hands +over his poor, shapeless wrists. Never in her life had she been so +strongly moved. Pity, such as she had never known, a tenderness and +compassion such as she had never experienced, went knocking at her +breast. She had no words at hand for so great emotions. She longed to +tell him what was in her heart, but all speech failed. + +"Don't!" she exclaimed. "Don't! I will not have you." + +A little later, as they were returning toward the carriages, Lloyd, +after a moment's deliberation upon the matter, said: + +"Can't I set you down somewhere near your rooms? Let your carriage go." + +He shook his head: "I've just given up my downtown rooms. Bennett and I +have taken other rooms much farther uptown. In fact, I believe I am +supposed to be going there now. It would be quite out of your way to +take me there. We are much quieter out there, and people can't get at us +so readily. The doctor says we both need rest after our shaking up. +Bennett himself--iron as he is--is none too strong, and what with the +mail, the telegrams, reporters, deputations, editors, and visitors, and +the like, we are kept on something of a strain. Besides we have still a +good deal of work to do getting our notes into shape." + +Lewis brought the ponies to the edge of the walk, and Lloyd and Ferriss +separated, she turning the ponies' heads homeward, starting away at a +brisk trot, and leaving him in his carriage, which he had directed to +carry him to his new quarters. + +But at the turn of the avenue Lloyd leaned from the phaeton and looked +back. The carriage was just disappearing down the vista of elms and +cottonwoods. She waved her hand gayly, and Ferriss responded with the +stump of one forearm. + +On the next day but one, a Friday, Lloyd was to go to the country. Every +year in the heat of the summer Lloyd spent her short vacation in the +sleepy and old-fashioned little village of Bannister. The country around +the village was part of the Searight estate. It was quiet, off the +railroad, just the place to forget duties, responsibilities, and the +wearing anxieties of sick-rooms. But Thursday afternoon she expected +Bennett. + +Thursday morning she was in her room. Her trunk was already packed. +There was nothing more to be done. She was off duty. There was neither +care nor responsibility upon her mind. But she was too joyful, too +happily exalted, too exuberant in gayety to pass her time in reading. +She wanted action, movement, life, and instinctively threw open a window +of her room, and, according to her habit, leaned upon her elbows and +looked out and down upon the square. The morning was charming. Later in +the day it probably would be very hot, but as yet the breeze of the +earliest hours was stirring nimbly. The cool of it put a brisker note in +the sombre glow of her cheeks, and just stirred a lock that, escaping +from her gorgeous coils of dark-red hair, hung curling over her ear and +neck. Into her eyes of dull blue--like the blue of old china--the +morning's sun sent an occasional unwonted sparkle. Over the asphalt and +over the green grass-plots of the square the shadows of the venerable +elms wove a shifting maze of tracery. Traffic avoided the place. It was +invariably quiet in the square, and one--as now--could always hear the +subdued ripple and murmur of the fountain in the centre. + +But the crowning delight of that morning was the sudden appearance of a +robin in a tree close to Lloyd's window. He was searching his breakfast. +At every moment he came and went between the tree-tops and the +grass-plots, very important, very preoccupied, chittering and calling +the while, as though he would never tire. Lloyd whistled to him, and +instantly he answered, cocking his head sideways. She whistled again, +and he piped back an impudent response, and for quite five minutes the +two held an elaborate altercation between tree-top and window-ledge. +Lloyd caught herself laughing outright and aloud for no assignable +reason. "Ah, the world was a pretty good place after all!" + +A little later, and while she was still at the window, Rownie brought +her a note from Bennett, sent by special messenger. + +"Ferriss woke up sick this morning. Nobody here but the two of us; +can't leave him alone. BENNETT." + +"Oh!" exclaimed Lloyd Searight a little blankly. + +The robin and his effrontery at once ceased to be amusing. She closed +the window abruptly, shutting out the summer morning's gayety and charm, +turning her back upon the sunlight. + +Now she was more in the humour of reading. On the great divan against +the wall lay the month's magazines and two illustrated weeklies. Lloyd +had bought them to read on the train. But now she settled herself upon +the divan and, picking up one of the weeklies, turned its leaves +listlessly. All at once she came upon two pictures admirably reproduced +from photographs, and serving as illustrations to the weekly's main +article--"The Two Leaders of the Freja Expedition." One was a picture of +Bennett, the other of Ferriss. + +The suddenness with which she had come upon his likeness almost took +Lloyd's breath from her. It was the last thing she had expected. If he +himself had abruptly entered the room in person she could hardly have +been more surprised. Her heart gave a great leap, the dull crimson of +her cheeks shot to her forehead. Then, with a charming movement, at once +impulsive and shamefaced, smiling the while, her eyes half-closing, she +laid her cheek upon the picture, murmuring to herself words that only +herself should hear. The next day she left for the country. + +On that same day when Dr. Pitts arrived at the rooms Ferriss and Bennett +had taken he found the anteroom already crowded with visitors--a knot of +interviewers, the manager of a lecture bureau, as well as the agent of a +patented cereal (who sought the man of the hour for an endorsement of +his article), and two female reporters. + +Decidedly Richard Ferriss was ill; there could be no doubt about that. +Bennett had not slept the night before, but had gone to and fro about +the rooms tending to his wants with a solicitude and a gentleness that +in a man so harsh and so toughly fibred seemed strangely out of place. +Bennett was far from well himself. The terrible milling which he had +undergone had told even upon that enormous frame, but his own ailments +were promptly ignored now that Ferriss, the man of all men to him, was +"down." + +"I didn't pull through with you, old man," he responded to all of +Ferriss's protests, "to have you get sick on my hands at this time of +day. No more of your damned foolishness now. Here's the quinine. Down +with it!" + +Bennett met Pitts at the door of Ferriss's room, and before going in +drew him into a corner. + +"He's a sick boy, Pitts, and is going to be worse, though he's just +enough of a fool boy not to admit it. I've seen them start off this gait +before. Remember, too, when you look him over that it's not as though he +had been in a healthy condition before. Our work in the ice ground him +down about as fine as he could go and yet live, and the hardtack and +salt pork on the steam whalers were not a good diet for a convalescent. +And see here, Pitts," said Bennett, clearing his throat, "I--well, I'm +rather fond of that fool boy in there. We are not taking any chances, +you understand." + +After the doctor had seen the chief engineer and had prescribed calomel +and a milk diet, Bennett followed him out into the hall and accompanied +him to the door. + +"Verdict?" he demanded, fixing the physician intently with his small, +distorted eyes. But Pitts was non-committal. + +"Yes, he's a sick boy, but the thing, whatever it is going to be, has +been gathering slowly. He complains of headache, great weakness and +nausea, and you speak of frequent nose-bleeds during the night. The +abdomen is tender upon pressure, which is a symptom I would rather not +have found. But I can't make any positive diagnosis as yet. Some big +sickness is coming on--that, I am afraid, is certain. I shall come out +here to-morrow. But, Mr. Bennett, be careful of yourself. Even steel can +weaken, you know. You see this rabble" (he motioned with his head toward +the anteroom, where the other visitors were waiting) "that is hounding +you? Everybody knows where you are. Man, you must have rest. I don't +need to look at you more than once to know that. Get away! Get away even +from your mails! Hide from everybody for a while! Don't think you can +nurse your friend through these next few weeks, because you can't." + +"Well," answered Bennett, "wait a few days. We'll see by the end of the +week." + +The week passed. Ferriss went gradually from bad to worse, though as yet +the disease persistently refused to declare itself. He was quite +helpless, and Bennett watched over him night and day, pottering around +him by the hour, giving him his medicines, cooking his food, and even +when Ferriss complained of the hotness of the bedclothes, changing the +very linen that he might lie upon cool sheets. But at the end of the +week Dr. Pitts declared that Bennett himself was in great danger of +breaking down, and was of no great service to the sick man. + +"To-morrow," said the doctor, "I shall have a young fellow here who +happens to be a cousin of mine. He is an excellent trained nurse, a +fellow we can rely upon. He'll take your place. I'll have him here +to-morrow, and you must get away. Hide somewhere. Don't even allow your +mail to be forwarded. The nurse and I will take care of Mr. Ferriss. You +can leave me your address, and I will wire you if it is necessary. Now +be persuaded like a reasonable man. I will stake my professional +reputation that you will knock under if you stay here with a sick man on +your hands and newspaper men taking the house by storm at all hours of +the day. Come now, will you go? Mr. Ferriss is in no danger, and you +will do him more harm by staying than by going. So long as you remain +here you will have this raft of people in the rooms at all hours. Deny +yourself! Keep them out! Keep out the American reporter when he goes +gunning for a returned explorer! Do you think this," and he pointed +again to the crowd in the anteroom, "is the right condition for a sick +man's quarters? You are imperilling his safety, to say nothing of your +own, by staying beside him--you draw the fire, Mr. Bennett." + +"Well, there's something in that," muttered Bennett, pulling at his +mustache. "But--" Bennett hesitated, then: "Pitts, I want you to take my +place here if I go away. Have a nurse if you like, but I shouldn't feel +justified in leaving the boy in his condition unless I knew you were +with him continually. I don't know what your practice is worth to you, +say for a month, or until the boy is out of danger, but make me a +proposition. I think we can come to an understanding." + +"But it won't be necessary to have a doctor with Mr. Ferriss constantly. +I should see him every day and the nurse--" + +Bennett promptly overrode his objections. Harshly and abruptly he +exclaimed: "I'm not taking any chances. It shall be as I say. I want the +boy well, and I want you and the nurse to see to it that he _gets_ well. +I'll meet the expenses." + +Bennett did not hear the doctor's response and his suggestion as to the +advisability of taking Ferriss to his own house in the country while he +could be moved. For the moment he was not listening. An idea had +abruptly presented itself to him. He was to go to the country. But +where? A grim smile began to relax the close-gripped lips and the hard +set of the protruding jaw. He tugged again at his mustache, scowling at +the doctor, trying to hide his humour. + +"Well, that's settled then," he said; "I'll get away +to-morrow--somewhere." + +"Whereabouts?" demanded the doctor. "I shall want to let you know how we +progress." + +Bennett chose to feel a certain irritation. What business of Pitts was +it whom he went to see, or, rather, where he meant to go? + +"You told me to hide away from everybody, not even to allow my mail to +be forwarded. But I'll let you know where to reach me, of course, as +soon as I get there. It won't be far from town." + +"And I will take your place here with Mr. Ferriss; somebody will be with +him at every moment, and I shall only wire you," continued the doctor, +"in case of urgent necessity. I want you to have all the rest you can, +and stay away as long as possible. I shan't annoy you with telegrams +unless I must. You'll understand that no news is good news." + + * * * * * + +On that particular morning Lloyd sat in her room in the old farmhouse +that she always elected to call her home as often as she visited +Bannister. It was some quarter of a mile outside the little village, and +on the road that connected it with the railway at Fourth Lake, some six +miles over the hills to the east. It was yet early in the morning, and +Lloyd was writing letters that she would post at Fourth Lake later in +the forenoon. She intended driving over to the lake. Two days before, +Lewis had arrived with Rox, the ponies and the phaeton. Lloyd's +dog-cart, a very gorgeous, high-wheeled affair, was always kept at +Bannister. + +The room in which she now sat was delightful. Everything was white, from +the curtains of the bed to the chintz hangings on the walls. A rug of +white fur was on the floor. The panellings and wooden shutters of the +windows were painted white. The fireplace was set in glossy-white tiles, +and its opening covered with a screen of white feathers. The windows +were flung wide, and a great flood of white sunlight came pouring into +the room. Lloyd herself was dressed in white, from the clean, crisp +scarf tied about her neck to the tip of her canvas tennis shoes. And in +all this array of white only the dull-red flame of her high-piled +hair--in the sunshine glowing like burnished copper--set a vivid note of +colour, the little strands and locks about her neck and ears coruscating +as the breeze from the open windows stirred them. + +The morning was veritably royal--still, cool, and odorous of woods and +cattle and growing grass. A great sense of gayety, of exhilaration, was +in the air. Lloyd was all in tune with it. While she wrote her left +elbow rested on the table, and in her left hand she held a huge, green +apple, unripe, sour, delicious beyond words, and into which she bit from +time to time with the silent enjoyment of a school-girl. + +Her letter was to Hattie's father, Mr. Campbell, and she wrote to ask if +the little girl might not spend a week with her at Bannister. When the +letter was finished and addressed she thrust it into her belt, and, +putting on her hat, ran downstairs. Lewis had brought the dog-cart to +the gate, and stood waiting in the road by Rox's head. But as Lloyd went +down the brick-paved walk of the front yard Mrs. Applegate, who owned +the farmhouse, and who was at once Lloyd's tenant, landlady, +housekeeper, and cook, appeared on the porch of the house, the head of a +fish in her hand, and Charley-Joe, the yellow tomcat, at her heels, +eyeing her with painful intentness. + +"Say, Miss Searight," she called, her forearm across her forehead to +shade her eyes, the hand still holding the fish's head, "say, while +you're out this morning will you keep an eye out for that dog of +our'n--you know, Dan--the one with liver'n white spots? He's run off +again--ain't seen him since yesterday noon. He gets away an' goes off +fighting other dogs over the whole blessed county. There ain't a dog big +'r little within ten mile that Dan ain't licked. He'd sooner fight than +he would eat, that dog." + +"I will, I will," answered Lloyd, climbing to the high seat, "and if I +find him I shall drag him back by the scruff of his neck. Good-morning, +Lewis. Why have you put the overhead check on Rox?" + +Lewis touched his cap. + +"He feels his oats some this morning, and if he gets his lower jaw agin' +his chest there's no holding of him, Miss--no holding of him in the +world." + +Lloyd gathered up the reins and spoke to the horse, and Lewis stood +aside. + +Rox promptly went up into the air on his hind legs, shaking his head +with a great snort. + +"Steady, you old pig," said Lloyd, calmly. "Soh, soh, who's trying to +kill you?" + +"Hadn't I better come with you, Miss?" inquired Lewis anxiously. + +Lloyd shook her head. "No, indeed," she said decisively. + +Rox, after vindicating his own independence by the proper amount of +showing off, started away down the road with as high an action as he +could command, playing to the gallery, looking back and out of the tail +of his eye to see if Lewis observed what a terrible fellow he was that +morning. + +"Well, of all the critters!" commented Mrs. Applegate from the porch. +But Charley-Joe, with an almost hypnotic fixity in his yellow eyes, and +who during the last few minutes had several times opened his mouth wide +in an ineffectual attempt to mew, suddenly found his voice with a +prolonged and complaining note. + +"Well, heavens an' airth, take your fish, then!" exclaimed Mrs. +Applegate suddenly, remembering the cat. "An' get off'n my porch with +it." She pushed him away with the side of her foot, and Charley-Joe, +with the fish's head in his teeth, retired around the corner of the +house by the rain barrel, where at intervals he could be heard growling +to himself in a high-pitched key, pretending the approach of some +terrible enemy. + +Meanwhile Lloyd, already well on her way, was having an exciting tussle +with Rox. The horse had begun by making an exhibition of himself for all +who could see, but in the end he had so worked upon his own nerves that +instead of frightening others he only succeeded in terrifying himself. +He was city-bred, and the sudden change from brick houses to open fields +had demoralised him. He began to have a dim consciousness of just how +strong he was. There was nothing vicious about him. He would not have +lowered himself to kick, but he did want, with all the big, strong heart +of him, to run. + +But back of him there--he felt it thrilling along the tense-drawn +reins--was a calm, powerful grip, even, steady, masterful. Turn his head +he could not, but he knew very well that Lloyd had taken a double twist +upon the reins, and that her hands, even if they were gloved in white, +were strong--strong enough to hold him to his work. And besides this--he +could tell it by the very feel of the bit--he knew that she did not take +him very seriously, that he could not make her afraid of him. He knew +that she could tell at once whether he shied because he was really +frightened or because he wanted to break the shaft, and that in the +latter case he would get the whip--and mercilessly, too--across his +haunch, a degradation, above all things, to be avoided. And she had +called him an old pig once already that morning. + +Lloyd drove on. She keenly enjoyed this struggle between the horse's +strength and her own determination, her own obstinacy. No, she would not +let Rox have his way; she would not allow him to triumph over her for a +single moment. She would neither be forced nor tricked into yielding a +single point however small. She would be mistress of the situation. + +By the end of half an hour she had him well in hand, and was bowling +smoothly along a level stretch of road at the foot of an abrupt rise of +land covered with scrub oak and broken with outcroppings of granite of a +curious formation. Just beyond here the road crossed the canal by a +narrow--in fact, a much too narrow--plank bridge without guard-rails. +The wide-axled dog-cart had just sufficient room on either hand, and +Lloyd, too good a whip to take chances with so nervous a horse as Rox, +drew him down to a walk as she approached it. But of a sudden her eyes +were arrested by a curious sight. She halted the cart. + +At the roadside, some fifty yards from the plank bridge, were two dogs. +Evidently there had just been a dreadful fight. Here and there a stone +was streaked with blood. The grass and smaller bushes were flattened +out, and tufts of hair were scattered about upon the ground. Of the two +dogs, Lloyd recognised one upon the instant. It was Dan, the "liver'n +white" fox-hound of the farmhouse--the fighter and terror of the +country. But he was lying upon his side now, the foreleg broken, or +rather crushed, as if in a vise; the throat torn open, the life-blood in +a great pool about his head. He was dead, or in the very throes of +death. Poor Dan, he had fought his last fight, had found more than his +match at last. + +Lloyd looked at the other dog--the victor; then looked at him a second +time and a third. + +"Well," she murmured, "that's a strange-looking dog." + +In fact, he was a curious animal. His broad, strong body was covered +with a brown fur as dense, as thick, and as soft as a wolf's; the ears +were pricked and pointed, the muzzle sharp, the eyes slant and beady. +The breast was disproportionately broad, the forelegs short and +apparently very powerful. Around his neck was a broad nickelled collar. + +But as Lloyd sat in the cart watching him he promptly demonstrated the +fact that his nature was as extraordinary as his looks. He turned again +from a momentary inspection of the intruders, sniffed once or twice at +his dead enemy, then suddenly began to eat him. + +Lloyd's gorge rose with anger and disgust. Even if Dan had been killed, +it had been in fair fight, and there could be no doubt that Dan himself +had been the aggressor. She could even feel a little respect for the +conqueror of the champion, but to turn upon the dead foe, now that the +heat of battle was past, and (in no spirit of hate or rage) deliberately +to eat him. What a horror! She took out her whip. + +"Shame on you!" she exclaimed. "Ugh! what a savage; I shan't allow you!" + +A farm-hand was coming across the plank bridge, and as he drew near the +cart Lloyd asked him to hold Rox for a moment. Rox was one of those +horses who, when standing still, are docile as a kitten, and she had no +hesitancy in leaving him with a man at his head. She jumped out, the +whip in her hand. Dan was beyond all help, but she wanted at least to +take his collar back to Mrs. Applegate. The strange dog permitted +himself to be driven off a little distance. Part of his strangeness +seemed to be that through it all he retained a certain placidity of +temper. There was no ferocity in his desire to eat Dan. + +"That's just what makes it so disgusting," said Lloyd, shaking her whip +at him. He sat down upon his haunches, eyeing her calmly, his tongue +lolling. When she had unbuckled Dan's collar and tossed it into the cart +under the seat she inquired of the farm-hand as to where the new dog +came from. + +"It beats me, Miss Searight," he answered; "never saw such a bird in +these parts before; t'other belongs down to Applegate's." + +"Come, let's have a look at you," said Lloyd, putting back the whip; +"let me see your collar." + +Disregarding the man's warning, she went up to the stranger, whistling +and holding out her hand, and he came up to her--a little suspiciously +at first, but in the end wagging his tail, willing to be friendly. Lloyd +parted the thick fur around his neck and turned the plate of the collar +to the light. On the plate was engraved: "Kamiska, Arctic S.S. 'Freja.' +Return to Ward Bennett." + +"Anything on the collar?" asked the man. + +Lloyd settled a hairpin in a coil of hair at the back of her neck. + +"Nothing--nothing that I can make out." + +She climbed into the cart again and dismissed the farm-hand with a +quarter. He disappeared around the turn of the road. But as she was +about to drive on, Lloyd heard a great clattering of stones upon the +hill above her, a crashing in the bushes, and a shrill whistle thrice +repeated. Kamiska started up at once, cocking alternate ears, then +turned about and ran up the hill to meet Ward Bennett, who came +scrambling down, jumping from one granite outcrop to another, holding on +the whiles by the lower branches of the scrub oak-trees. + +He was dressed as if for an outing, in knickerbockers and huge, +hob-nailed shoes. He wore an old shooting-coat and a woollen cap; a +little leather sack was slung from his shoulder, and in his hand he +carried a short-handled geologist's hammer. + +And then, after so long a time, Lloyd saw his face again--the rugged, +unhandsome face; the massive jaw, huge almost to deformity; the great, +brutal, indomitable lips; the square-cut chin with its forward, +aggressive thrust; the narrow forehead, seamed and contracted, and the +twinkling, keen eyes so marred by the cast, so heavily shadowed by the +shaggy eyebrows. When he spoke the voice came heavy and vibrant from the +great chest, a harsh, deep bass, a voice in which to command men, not a +voice in which to talk to women. + +Lloyd, long schooled to self-repression and the control of her emotions +when such repression and control were necessary, sat absolutely moveless +on her high seat, her hands only shutting tighter and tighter upon the +reins. She had often wondered how she would feel, what was to be her +dominant impulse, at such moments as these, and now she realised that it +was not so much joy, not so much excitement, as a resolute determination +not for one instant to lose her poise. + +She was thinking rapidly. For four years they had not met. At one time +she believed him to be dead. But in the end he had been saved, had come +back, and, ignoring the plaudits of an entire Christendom, had addressed +himself straight to her. For one of them, at least, this meeting was a +crisis. What would they first say to each other? how be equal to the +situation? how rise to its dramatic possibilities? But the moment had +come to them suddenly, had found them all unprepared. There was no time +to think of adequate words. Afterward, when she reviewed this encounter, +she told herself that they both had failed, and that if the meeting had +been faithfully reproduced upon the stage or in the pages of a novel it +would have seemed tame and commonplace. These two, living the actual +scene, with all the deep, strong, real emotions of them surging to the +surface, the vitality of them, all aroused and vibrating, suddenly +confronting actuality itself, were not even natural; were not even "true +to life." It was as though they had parted but a fortnight ago. + +Bennett caught his cap from his head and came toward her, exclaiming: + +"Miss Searight, I believe." + +And she, reaching her right hand over the left, that still held the +reins, leaned from her high seat, shaking hands with him and replying: + +"Well--Mr. Bennett, I'm so very glad to see you again. Where did you +come from?" + +"From the City--and from seventy-six degrees north latitude." + +"I congratulate you. We had almost given up hope of you." + +"Thank you," he answered. "We were not so roseate with hope +ourselves--all the time. But I have not felt as though I had really come +back until this--well, until I had reached--the road between Bannister +and Fourth Lake, for instance," and his face relaxed to its +characteristic grim smile. + +"You reached it too late, then," she responded. "Your dog has killed our +Dan, and, what is much worse, started to eat him. He's a perfect +savage." + +"Kamiska? Well," he added, reflectively, "it's my fault for setting her +a bad example. I ate her trace-mate, and was rather close to eating +Kamiska herself at one time. But I didn't come down here to talk about +that." + +"You are looking rather worn, Mr. Bennett." + +"I suppose. The doctor sent me into the country to call back the roses +to my pallid cheek. So I came down here--to geologise. I presume that +excuse will do as well as another." Then suddenly he cried: "Hello, +steady there; _quick_, Miss Searight!" + +It all came so abruptly that neither of them could afterward reconstruct +the scene with any degree of accuracy. Probably in scrambling down the +steep slope of the bank Bennett had loosened the earth or smaller stones +that hitherto had been barely sufficient support to the mass of earth, +gravel, rocks, and bushes that all at once, and with a sharp, crackling +noise, slid downward toward the road from the overhanging bank. The slip +was small, hardly more than three square yards of earth moving from its +place, but it came with a smart, quick rush, throwing up a cloud of dust +and scattering pebbles and hard clods of dirt far before its advance. + +As Rox leaped Lloyd threw her weight too suddenly on the reins, the +horse arched his neck, and the overhead check snapped like a +harp-string. Again he reared from the object of his terror, shaking his +head from side to side, trying to get a purchase on the bit. Then his +lower jaw settled against his chest, and all at once he realised that no +pair of human hands could hold him now. He did not rear again; his +haunches suddenly lowered, and with the hoofs of his hind feet he began +feeling the ground for his spring. But now Bennett was at his head, +gripping at the bit, striving to thrust him back. Lloyd, half risen from +her seat, each rein wrapped twice around her hands, her long, strong +arms at their fullest reach, held back against the horse with all her +might, her body swaying and jerking with his plunges. But the overhead +check once broken Lloyd might as well have pulled against a locomotive. +Bennett was a powerful man by nature, but his great strength had been +not a little sapped by his recent experiences. Between the instant his +hand caught at the bit and that in which Rox had made his first +ineffectual attempt to spring forward he recognised the inequality of +the contest. He could hold Rox back for a second or two, perhaps three, +then the horse would get away from him. He shot a glance about him. Not +twenty yards away was the canal and the perilously narrow bridge--the +bridge without the guard-rail. + +"Quick, Miss Searight!" he shouted. "Jump! We can't hold him. Quick, do +as I tell you, jump!" + +But even as he spoke Rox dragged him from his feet, his hoofs trampling +the hollow road till it reverberated like the roll of drums. Bracing +himself against every unevenness of the ground, his teeth set, his face +scarlet, the veins in his neck swelling, suddenly blue-black, Bennett +wrenched at the bit till the horse's mouth went bloody. But all to no +purpose; faster and faster Rox was escaping from his control. + +"Jump, I tell you!" he shouted again, looking over his shoulder; +"another second and he's away." + +Lloyd dropped the reins and turned to jump. But the lap-robe had slipped +down to the bottom of the cart when she had risen, and was in a tangle +about her feet. The cart was rocking like a ship in a storm. Twice she +tried to free herself, holding to the dashboard with one hand. Then the +cart suddenly lurched forward and she fell to her knees. Rox was off; it +was all over. + +Not quite. In one brief second of time--a hideous vision come and gone +between two breaths--Lloyd saw the fearful thing done there in the road, +almost within reach of her hand. She saw the man and horse at grapples, +the yellow reach of road that lay between her and the canal, the canal +itself, and the narrow bridge. Then she saw the short-handled +geologist's hammer gripped in Bennett's fist heave high in the air. Down +it came, swift, resistless, terrible--one blow. The cart tipped forward +as Rox, his knees bowing from under him, slowly collapsed. Then he +rolled upon the shaft that snapped under him, and the cart vibrated from +end to end as a long, shuddering tremble ran through him with his last +deep breath. + + + + +V. + + +When Lloyd at length managed to free herself and jump to the ground +Bennett came quickly toward her and drew her away to the side of the +road. + +"Are you hurt?" he demanded. "Tell me, are you hurt?" + +"No, no; not in the least." + +"Why in the world did you want to drive such a horse? Don't ever take +such chances again. I won't have it." + +For a few moments Lloyd was too excited to trust herself to talk, and +could only stand helplessly to one side, watching Bennett as he stripped +off the harness from the dead horse, stowed it away under the seat of +the cart, and rolled the cart itself to the edge of the road. Then at +length she said, trying to smile and to steady her voice: + +"It--it seems to me, Mr. Bennett, you do about--about as you like with +my sta-bub-ble." + +"Sit down!" he commanded, "you are trembling all over. Sit down on that +rock there." + +"--and with me," she added, sinking down upon the boulder he had +indicated with a movement of his head, his hands busy with the harness. + +"I'm sorry I had to do that," he explained; "but there was no help for +it--nothing else to do. He would have had you in the canal in another +second, if he did not kill you on the way there." + +"Poor old Rox," murmured Lloyd; "I was very fond of Rox." + +Bennett put himself in her way as she stepped forward. He had the +lap-robe over his arm and the whip in his hand. + +"No, don't look at him. He's not a pretty sight. Come, shall I take you +home? Don't worry about the cart; I will see that it is sent back." + +"And that Rox is buried--somewhere? I don't want him left out there for +the crows." In spite of Bennett's injunction she looked over her +shoulder for a moment as they started off down the road. "I only hope +you were sure there was nothing else to do, Mr. Bennett," she said. + +"There was no time to think," he answered, "and I wasn't taking any +chances." + +But the savagery of the whole affair stuck in Lloyd's imagination. There +was a primitiveness, a certain hideous simplicity in the way Bennett had +met the situation that filled her with wonder and with even a little +terror and mistrust of him. The vast, brutal directness of the deed was +out of place and incongruous at this end-of-the-century time. It ignored +two thousand years of civilisation. It was a harsh, clanging, brazen +note, powerful, uncomplicated, which came jangling in, discordant and +inharmonious with the tune of the age. It savoured of the days when men +fought the brutes with their hands or with their clubs. But also it was +an indication of a force and a power of mind that stopped at nothing to +attain its ends, that chose the shortest cut, the most direct means, +disdainful of hesitation, holding delicacy and finessing in measureless +contempt, rushing straight to its object, driving in, breaking down +resistance, smashing through obstacles with a boundless, crude, blind +Brobdignag power, to oppose which was to be trampled under foot upon the +instant. + +It was long before their talk turned from the incident of the morning, +but when it did its subject was Richard Ferriss. Bennett was sounding +his praises and commending upon his pluck and endurance during the +retreat from the ship, when Lloyd, after hesitating once or twice, +asked: + +"How is Mr. Ferriss? In your note you said he was ill." + +"So he is," he told her, "and I could not have left him if I was not +sure I was doing him harm by staying. But the doctor is to wire me if he +gets any worse, and only if he does. I am to believe that no news is +good news." + +But this meeting with Lloyd and the intense excitement of those few +moments by the canal had quite driven from Bennett's mind the fact that +he had _not_ forwarded his present address either to Ferriss or to his +doctor. He had so intended that morning, but all the faculties of his +mind were suddenly concentrated upon another issue. For the moment he +believed that he had actually written to Dr. Pitts, as he had planned, +and when he thought of his intended message at all, thought of it as an +accomplished fact. The matter did not occur to him again. + +As he walked by Lloyd's side, listening to her and talking to her, +snapping the whip the while, or flicking the heads from the mullein +stalks by the roadside with its lash, he was thinking how best he might +say to her what he had come from the City to say. To lead up to his +subject, to guide the conversation, to prepare the right psychological +moment skilfully and without apparent effort, were maneuvers in the game +that Bennett ignored and despised. He knew only that he loved her, that +she was there at his side, that the object of all his desires and hopes +was within his reach. Straight as a homing pigeon he went to his goal. + +"Miss Searight," he began, his harsh, bass voice pitched even lower than +usual, "what do you think I am down here for? This is not the only part +of the world where I could recuperate, I suppose, and as for spending +God's day in chipping at stones, like a professor of a young ladies' +seminary"--he hurled the hammer from him into the bushes--"that for +geology! Now we can talk. You know very well that I love you, and I +believe that you love me. I have come down here to ask you to marry me." + +Lloyd might have done any one of a dozen things--might have answered in +any one of a dozen ways. But what she did do, what she did say, took +Bennett completely by surprise. A little coldly and very calmly she +answered: + +"You believe--you say you believe that I--" she broke off, then began +again: "It is not right for you to say that to me. I have never led you +to believe that I cared for you. Whatever our relations are to be, let +us have that understood at once." + +Bennett uttered an impatient exclamation "I am not good at fencing and +quibbling," he declared. "I tell you that I love you with all my heart. +I tell you that I want you to be my wife, and I tell you that I know you +do love me. You are not like other women; why should you coquette with +me? Good God! Are you not big enough to be above such things? I know you +are. Of all the people in the world we two ought to be above pretence, +ought to understand each other. If I did not know you cared for me I +would not have spoken." + +"I don't understand you," she answered. "I think we had better talk of +other things this morning." + +"I came down here to talk of just this and nothing else," he declared. + +"Very well, then," she said, squaring her shoulders with a quick, brisk +movement, "we will talk of it. You say we two should understand each +other. Let us come to the bottom of things at once. I despise quibbling +and fencing as much, perhaps, as you. Tell me how have I ever led you to +believe that I cared for you?" + +"At a time when our last hope was gone," answered Bennett, meeting her +eyes, "when I was very near to death and thought that I should go to my +God within the day, I was made happier than I think I ever was in my +life before by finding out that I was dear to you--that you loved me." + +Lloyd searched his face with a look of surprise and bewilderment. + +"I do not understand you," she repeated. + +"Oh!" exclaimed Bennett with sudden vehemence, "you could say it to +Ferriss; why can't you say it to me?" + +"To Mr. Ferriss?" + +"You could tell _him_ that you cared." + +"I--tell Mr. Ferriss--that I cared for you?" She began to smile. "You +are a little absurd, Mr. Bennett." + +"And I cannot see why you should deny it now. Or if anything has caused +you to change your mind--to be sorry for what you said, why should I not +know it? Even a petty thief may be heard in his own defence. I loved you +because I believed you to be a woman, a great, strong, noble, man's +woman, above little things, above the little, niggling, contemptible +devices of the drawing-room. I loved you because the great things of the +world interested you, because you had no place in your life for petty +graces, petty affectations, petty deceits and shams and insincerities. +If you did not love me, why did you say so? If you do love me now, why +should you not admit it? Do you think you can play with me? Do you think +you can coquette with me? If you were small enough to stoop to such +means, do you think I am small enough to submit to them? I have known +Ferriss too well. I know him to be incapable of such falsity as you +would charge him with. To have told such a lie, such an uncalled-for, +useless, gratuitous lie, is a thing he could not have done. You must +have told him that you cared. Why aren't you--you of all women--brave +enough, strong enough, big enough to stand by your words?" + +"Because I never said them. What do you think of me? Even if I did care, +do you suppose I would say as much--and to another man? Oh!" she +exclaimed with sudden indignation, "let's talk of something else. This +is too--preposterous." + +"You never told Ferriss that you cared for me?" + +"No." + +Bennett took off his cap. "Very well, then. That is enough. Good-bye, +Miss Searight." + +"Do you believe I told Mr. Ferriss I loved you?" + +"I do not believe that the man who has been more to me than a brother is +a liar and a rascal." + +"Good-morning, Mr. Bennett." + +They had come rather near to the farmhouse by this time. Without another +word Bennett gave the whip and the lap-robe into her hands, and, turning +upon his heel, walked away down the road. + +Lloyd told Lewis as much of the morning's accident by the canal as was +necessary, and gave orders about the dog-cart and the burying of Rox. +Then slowly, her eyes fixed and wide, she went up to her own room and, +without removing either her hat or her gloves, sat down upon the edge of +the bed, letting her hands fall limply into her lap, gazing abstractedly +at the white curtain just stirring at the open window. + +She could not say which hurt her most--that Ferriss had told the lie or +that Bennett believed it. But why, in heaven's name why, had Ferriss so +spoken to Bennett; what object had he in view; what had he to gain by +it? Why had Ferriss, the man who loved her, chosen so to humiliate her, +to put her in a position so galling to her pride, her dignity? Bennett, +too, loved her. How could he believe that she had so demeaned herself? + +She had been hurt and to the heart, at a point where she believed +herself most unassailable, and he who held the weapon was the man that +with all the heart of her and soul of her she loved. + +Much of the situation was all beyond her. Try as she would she could not +understand. One thing, however, she saw clearly, unmistakably: Bennett +believed that she loved him, believed that she had told as much to +Ferriss, and that when she had denied all knowledge of Ferriss's lie she +was only coquetting with him. She knew Bennett and his character well +enough to realise that an idea once rooted in his mind was all but +ineradicable. Bennett was not a man of easy changes; nothing mobile +about him. + +The thought of this belief of Bennett's was intolerable. As she sat +there alone in her white room the dull crimson of her cheeks flamed +suddenly scarlet, and with a quick, involuntary gesture she threw her +hand, palm outward, across her face to hide it from the sunlight. She +went quickly from one mood to another. Now her anger grew suddenly hot +against Ferriss. How had he dared? How had he dared to put this +indignity, this outrageous insult, upon her? Now her wrath turned upon +Bennett. What audacity had been his to believe that she would so forget +herself? She set her teeth in her impotent anger, rising to her feet, +her hands clenching, tears of sheer passion starting to her eyes. + +For the greater part of the afternoon she kept to her room, pacing the +floor from wall to wall, trying to think clearly, to resolve upon +something that would readjust the situation, that would give her back +her peace of mind, her dignity, and her happiness of the early morning. +For now the great joy that had come to her in his safe return was all +but gone. For one moment she even told herself she could not love him, +but the next was willing to admit that it was only because of her love +of him, as strong and deep as ever, that the humiliation cut so deeply +and cruelly now. Ferriss had lied about her, and Bennett had believed +the lie. To meet Bennett again under such circumstances was not to be +thought of for one moment. Her vacation was spoiled; the charm of the +country had vanished. Lloyd returned to the City the next day. + +She found that she was glad to get back to her work. The subdued murmur +of the City that hourly assaulted her windows was a relief to her ears +after the profound and numbing silence of the country. The square was +never so beautiful as at this time of summer, and even the restless +shadow pictures, that after dark were thrown upon the ceiling of her +room by the electrics shining through the great elms in the square +below, were a pleasure. + +On the morning after her arrival and as she was unpacking her trunk Miss +Douglass came into her room and seated herself, according to her custom, +on the couch. After some half-hour's give-and-take talk, the fever nurse +said: + +"Do you remember, Lloyd, what I told you about typhoid in the +spring--that it was almost epidemic?" + +Lloyd nodded, turning about from her trunk, her arms full of dresses. + +"It's worse than ever now," continued Miss Douglass; "three of our +people have been on cases only in the short time you have been away. And +there's a case out in Medford that has killed one nurse." + +"Well!" exclaimed Lloyd in some astonishment, "it seems to me that one +should confine typhoid easily enough." + +"Not always, not always," answered the other; "a virulent case would be +quite as bad as yellow fever or smallpox. You remember when we were at +the hospital Miss Helmuth, that little Polish nurse, contracted it from +her case and died even before her patient did. Then there was Eva +Blayne. She very nearly died. I did like the way Miss Wakeley took this +case out at Medford even when the other nurse had died. She never +hesitated for--" + +"Has one of our people got this case?" inquired Lloyd. + +"Of course. Didn't I tell you?" + +"I hope we cure it," said Lloyd, her trunk-tray in her hands. "I don't +think we have ever lost a case yet when good nursing could pull it +through, and in typhoid the whole treatment really is the nursing." + +"Lloyd," said Miss Douglass decisively, "I would give anything I can +think of now to have been on that hip disease case of yours and have +brought my patient through as you did. You should hear what Dr. Street +says of you--and the little girl's father. By the way, I had nearly +forgotten. Hattie Campbell--that's her name, isn't it?--telephoned to +know if you had come back from the country yet. That was yesterday. I +said we expected you to-day, and she told me to say she was coming to +see you." + +The next afternoon toward three o'clock Hattie and her father drove to +the square in an open carriage, Hattie carrying a great bunch of violets +for Lloyd. The little invalid was well on the way to complete recovery +by now. Sometimes she was allowed to walk a little, but as often as not +her maid wheeled her about in an invalid's chair. She drove out in the +carriage frequently by way of exercise. She would, no doubt, always limp +a little, but in the end it was certain she would be sound and strong. +For Hattie and her father Lloyd had become a sort of tutelary +semi-deity. In what was left of the family she had her place, hardly +less revered than even the dead wife. Campbell himself, who had made a +fortune in Bessemer steel, a well-looking, well-groomed gentleman, +smooth-shaven and with hair that was none too gray, more than once +caught himself standing before Lloyd's picture that stood on the +mantelpiece in Hattie's room, looking at it vaguely as he clipped the +nib from his cigar. + +But on this occasion as the carriage stopped in front of the ample pile +of the house Hattie called out, "Oh, there she is now," and Lloyd came +down the steps, carrying her nurse's bag in her hand. + +"Are we too late?" began Hattie; "are you going out; are you on a case? +Is that why you've got your bag? We thought you were on a vacation." + +Campbell, yielding to a certain feeling of uneasiness that Lloyd should +stand on the curb while he remained seated, got out of the carriage and +stood at her side, gravely listening to the talk between the nurse and +her one-time patient. Lloyd was obliged to explain, turning now to +Hattie, now to her father. She told them that she was in something of a +hurry. She had just been specially called to take a very bad case of +typhoid fever in a little suburb of the City, called Medford. It was not +her turn to go, but the physicians in charge of the case, as sometimes +happened, had asked especially for her. + +"One of our people, a young woman named Miss Wakeley, has been on this +case," she continued, "but it seems she has allowed herself to contract +the disease herself. She went to the hospital this noon." + +Campbell, his gravity suddenly broken up, exclaimed: + +"Surely, Miss Searight, this is not the same case I read of in +yesterday's paper--it must be, too--Medford was the name of the place. +That case has killed one nurse already, and now the second one is down. +Don't tell me you are going to take the same case." + +"It is the same case," answered Lloyd, "and, of course, I am going to +take it. Did you ever hear of a nurse doing otherwise? Why, it would +seem--seem so--funny--" + +There was no dissuading her, and Campbell and Hattie soon ceased even to +try. She was impatient to be gone. The station was close at hand, and +she would not hear of taking the carriage thither. However, before she +left them she recurred again to the subject of her letter to Mr. +Campbell, and then and there it was decided that Hattie and her maid +should spend the following ten days at Lloyd's place in Bannister. The +still country air, now that Hattie was able to take the short journey, +would be more to her than many medicines, and the ponies and Lloyd's +phaeton would be left there with Lewis for her use. + +"And write often, won't you, Miss Searight?" exclaimed Hattie as Lloyd +was saying good-bye. Lloyd shook her head. + +"Not that of all things," she answered. "If I did that we might have +you, too, down with typhoid. But you may write to me, and I hope you +will," and she gave Hattie her new address. + +"Harriet," said Campbell as the carriage drove back across the square, +the father and daughter waving their hands to Lloyd, briskly on her way +to the railroad station, "Harriet." + +"Yes, papa." + +"There goes a noble woman. Pluck, intelligence, strong will--she has +them all--and a great big heart that--heart that--" He clipped the end +of a cigar thoughtfully and fell silent. + +A day or two later, as Hattie was sitting in her little wheel-chair on +the veranda of Mrs. Applegate's house watching Charley-Joe hunting +grasshoppers underneath the currant bushes, she was surprised by the +sharp closing of the front gate. A huge man with one squint eye and a +heavy, square-cut jaw was coming up the walk, followed by a +strange-looking dog. Charley-Joe withdrew, swiftly to his particular +hole under the veranda, moving rapidly, his body low to the ground, and +taking an unnecessary number of very short steps. + +The little city-bred girl distinguished the visitor from a country man +at once. Hattie had ideas of her own as to propriety, and so rose to her +feet as Bennett came up, and after a moment's hesitation made him a +little bow. Bennett at once gravely took off his cap. + +"Excuse me," he said as though Hattie were twenty-five instead of +twelve. "Is Miss Searight at home?" + +"Oh," exclaimed Hattie, delighted, "do you know Miss Searight? She was +my nurse when I was so sick--because you know I had hip disease and +there was an operation. No, she's not here any more. She's gone away, +gone back to the City." + +"Gone back to the City?" + +"Yes, three or four days ago. But I'm going to write to her this +afternoon. Shall I say who called?" Then, without waiting for a reply, +she added, "I guess I had better introduce myself. My name is Harriet +Campbell, and my papa is Craig V. Campbell, of the Hercules Wrought +Steel Company in the City. Won't you have a chair?" + +The little convalescent and the arctic explorer shook hands with great +solemnity. + +"I'm so pleased to meet you," said Bennett. "I haven't a card, but my +name is Ward Bennett--of the Freja expedition," he added. But, to his +relief, the little girl had not heard of him. + +"Very well," she said, "I'll tell Miss Searight Mr. Bennett called." + +"No," he replied, hesitatingly, "no, you needn't do that." + +"Why, she won't answer my letter, you know," explained Hattie, +"because she is afraid her letters would give me typhoid fever, +that they might"--she continued carefully, hazarding a remembered +phrase--"carry the contagion. You see she has gone to nurse a dreadful +case of typhoid fever out at Medford, near the City, and we're so worried +and anxious about her--papa and I. One nurse that had this case has died +already and another one has caught the disease and is very sick, and Miss +Searight, though she knew just how dangerous it was, would go, just +like--like--" Hattie hesitated, then confused memories of her school +reader coming to her, finished with "like Casabianca." + +"Oh," said Bennett, turning his head so as to fix her with his own good +eye. "She has gone to nurse a typhoid fever patient, has she?" + +"Yes, and papa told me--" and Hattie became suddenly very grave, "that +we might--might--oh, dear--never see her again." + +"Hum! Whereabouts is this place in Medford? She gave you her address; +what is it?" Hattie told him, and he took himself abruptly away. + +Bennett had gone some little distance down the road before the real +shock came upon him. Lloyd was in a position of imminent peril; her life +was in the issue. With blind, unreasoned directness he leaped at once to +this conclusion, and as he strode along with teeth and fists tight shut +he kept muttering to himself: "She may die, she may die--we--we may +never see her again." Then suddenly came the fear, the sickening sink of +heart, the choke at the throat, first the tightening and then the sudden +relaxing of all the nerves. Lashed and harried by the sense of a fearful +calamity, an unspeakable grief that was pursuing after him, Bennett did +not stop to think, to reflect. He chose instantly to believe that Lloyd +was near her death, and once the idea was fixed in his brain it was not +thereafter to be reasoned away. Suddenly, at a turn in the road, he +stopped, his hands deep in his pockets, his bootheel digging into the +ground. "Now, then," he exclaimed, "what's to be done?" + +Just one thing: Lloyd must leave the case at once, that very day if it +were possible. He must save her; must turn her back from this +destruction toward which she was rushing, impelled by such a foolish, +mistaken notion of duty. + +"Yes," he said, "there's just that to be done, and, by God! it shall be +done." + +But would Lloyd be turned back from a course she had chosen for herself? +Could he persuade her? Then with this thought of possible opposition +Bennett's resolve all at once tightened to the sticking point. Never in +the darkest hours of his struggle with the arctic ice had his +determination grown so fierce; never had his resolution so girded +itself, so nerved itself to crush down resistance. The force of his will +seemed brusquely to be quadrupled and decupled. He would do as he +desired; come what might he would gain his end. He would stop at +nothing, hesitate at nothing. It would probably be difficult to get her +from her post, but with all his giant's strength Bennett set himself to +gain her safety. + +A great point that he believed was in his favour, a consideration that +influenced him to adopt so irrevocable a resolution, was his belief that +Lloyd loved him. Bennett was not a woman's man. Men he could understand +and handle like so many manikins, but the nature of his life and work +did not conduce to a knowledge of women. Bennett did not understand +them. In his interview with Lloyd when she had so strenuously denied +Ferriss' story Bennett could not catch the ring of truth. It had gotten +into his mind that Lloyd loved him. He believed easily what he wanted to +believe, and his faith in Lloyd's love for him had become a part and +parcel of his fundamental idea of things, not readily to be driven out +even by Lloyd herself. + +Bennett's resolution was taken. Never had he failed in accomplishing +that upon which he set his mind. He would not fail now. Beyond a certain +limit--a limit which now he swiftly reached and passed--Bennett's +determination to carry his point became, as it were, a sort of +obsession; the sweep of the tremendous power he unchained carried his +own self along with it in its resistless onrush. At such, times there +was no light of reason in his actions. He saw only his point, beheld +only his goal; deaf to all voices that would call him back, blind to all +consideration that would lead him to swerve, reckless of everything that +he trampled under foot, he stuck to his aim until that aim was an +accomplished fact. When the grip of the Ice had threatened to close upon +him and crush him, he had hurled himself against its barriers with an +energy and resolve to conquer that was little short of directed frenzy. +So it was with him now. + + * * * * * + +When Lloyd had parted from the Campbells in the square before the house, +she had gone directly to the railway station of a suburban line, and, +within the hour, was on her way to Medford. As always happened when an +interesting case was to be treated, her mind became gradually filled +with it to the exclusion of everything else. The Campbells, and +Bennett's ready acceptance of a story that put her in so humiliating a +light, were forgotten as the train swept her from the heat and dust of +the City out into the green reaches of country to the southward. What +had been done upon the case she had no means of telling. She only knew +that the case was of unusual virulence and well advanced. It had killed +one nurse already and seriously endangered the life of another, but so +far from reflecting on the danger to herself, Lloyd felt a certain +exhilaration in the thought that she was expected to succeed where +others had succumbed. Another battle with the Enemy was at hand, the +Enemy who, though conquered on a hundred fields, must inevitably triumph +in the end. Once again this Enemy had stooped and caught a human being +in his cold grip. Once again Life and Death were at grapples, and Death +was strong, and from out the struggle a cry had come--had come to her--a +cry for help. + +All the exuberance of battle grew big within her breast. She was +impatient to be there--there at hand--to face the Enemy again across the +sick-bed, where she had so often faced and outfought him before; and, +matching her force against his force, her obstinacy against his +strength--the strength that would pull the life from her grasp--her +sleepless vigilance against his stealth, her intelligence against his +cunning, her courage against his terrors, her resistance against his +attack, her skill against his strategy, her science against his +world-old, worldwide experience, win the fight, save the life, hold firm +against his slow, resistless pull and triumph again, if it was only for +the day. + +Succeed she would and must. Her inborn obstinacy, her sturdy refusal to +yield her ground, whatever it should be, her stubborn power of +resistance, her tenacity of her chosen course, came to her aid as she +drew swiftly near to the spot whereon the battle would be fought. +Mentally she braced herself, holding back with all her fine, +hard-tempered, native strength. No, she would not yield the life to the +Enemy; no, she would not give up; no, she would not recede. Let the +Enemy do his worst--she was strong against his efforts. + +At Medford, which she reached toward four in the afternoon, after an +hour's ride from the City, she found a conveyance waiting for her, and +was driven rapidly through streets bordered with villas and closely +shaven lawns to a fair-sized country seat on the outskirts of the town. +The housekeeper met her at the door with the information that the doctor +was, at the moment, in the sick-room, and had left orders that the nurse +should be brought to him the moment she arrived. The housekeeper showed +Lloyd the way to the second landing, knocking upon the half-open door at +the end of the hall, and ushering her in without waiting for an answer. + +Lloyd took in the room at a glance--the closely drawn curtains, the +screen between the bed and the windows, the doctor standing on the +hearth-rug, and the fever-inflamed face of the patient on the pillow. +Then all her power of self-repression could not keep her from uttering a +smothered exclamation. + +For she, the woman who, with all the savage energy of him, Bennett +loved, had, at peril of her life, come to nurse Bennett's nearest +friend, the man of all others dear to him--Richard Ferriss. + + + + +VI. + + +Two days after Dr. Pitts had brought Ferriss to his country house in the +outskirts of Medford he had been able to diagnose his sickness as +typhoid fever, and at once had set about telegraphing the fact to +Bennett. Then it had occurred to him that he did not know where Bennett +had gone. Bennett had omitted notifying him of his present whereabouts, +and, acting upon Dr. Pitts' advice, had hidden himself away from +everybody. Neither at his club nor at his hotel, where his mail +accumulated in extraordinary quantities, had any forwarding address been +left. Bennett would not even know that Ferriss had been moved to +Medford. So much the worse. It could not be helped. There was nothing +for the doctor to do but to leave Bennett in ignorance and go ahead and +fight for the life of Ferriss as best he could. Pitts arranged for a +brother physician to take over his practice, and devoted himself +entirely to Ferriss. And Ferriss sickened and sickened, and went +steadily from bad to worse. The fever advanced regularly to a certain +stage, a stage of imminent danger, and there paused. Rarely had Pitts +been called upon to fight a more virulent form of the disease. + +What made matters worse was that Ferriss hung on for so long a time +without change one way or another. Pitts had long since been convinced +of ulceration in the membrane of the intestines, but it astonished him +that this symptom persisted so long without signs either of progressing +or diminishing. The course of the disease was unusually slow. The first +nurse had already had time to sicken and die; a second had been +infected, and yet Ferriss "hung on," neither sinking nor improving, yet +at every hour lying perilously near death. It was not often that death +and life locked horns for so long, not often that the chance was so +even. Many was the hour, many was the moment, when a hair would have +turned the balance, and yet the balance was preserved. + +At her abrupt recognition of Ferriss, in this patient whom she had been +summoned to nurse, and whose hold upon life was so pitifully weak, +Lloyd's heart gave a great leap and then sank ominously in her breast. +Her first emotion was one of boundless self-reproach. Why had she not +known of this? Why had she not questioned Bennett more closely as to his +friend's sickness? Might she not have expected something like this? Was +not typhoid the one evil to be feared and foreseen after experiences +such as Ferriss had undergone--the fatigue and privations of the march +over the ice, and the subsequent months aboard the steam whaler, with +its bad food, its dirt, and its inevitable overcrowding? + +And while she had been idling in the country, this man, whom she had +known since her girlhood better and longer than any of her few +acquaintances, had been struck down, and day by day had weakened and +sickened and wasted, until now, at any hour, at any moment, the life +might be snuffed out like the fight of a spent candle. What a miserable +incompetent had she been! That day in the park when she had come upon +him, so weak and broken and far spent, why had she not, with all her +training and experience, known that even then the flame was flickering +down to the socket, that a link in the silver chain was weakening? Now, +perhaps, it was too late. But quick her original obstinacy rose up in +protest. No! she would not yield the life. No, no, no; again and a +thousand times no! He belonged to her. Others she had saved, others far +less dear to her than Ferriss. Her last patient--the little girl--she +had caught back from death at the eleventh hour, and of all men would +she not save Ferriss? In such sickness as this it was the nurse and not +the doctor who must be depended upon. And, once again, never so strong, +never so fine, never so glorious, her splendid independence, her pride +in her own strength, her indomitable self-reliance leaped in her breast, +leaped and stood firm, hard as tempered steel, head to the Enemy, daring +the assault, defiant, immovable, unshaken in its resolve, unconquerable +in the steadfast tenacity of its purpose. + +The story that Ferriss had told to Bennett, that uncalled-for and +inexplicable falsehood, was a thing forgotten. Death stood at the +bed-head, and in that room the little things of life had no place. The +king was holding court, and the swarm of small, everyday issues, like a +crowd of petty courtiers, were not admitted to his presence. Ferriss' +life was in danger. Lloyd saw no more than that. At once she set about +the work. + +In a few rapid sentences exchanged in low voices between her and the +doctor Lloyd made herself acquainted with the case. + +"We've been using the ice-pack and wet-pack to bring down the +temperature in place of the cold bath," the doctor explained. "I'm +afraid of pericarditis." + +"Quinine?" inquired Lloyd. + +"From twenty to forty grains in the morning and evening. Here's the +temperature chart for the last week. If we reach this point in axilla +again--" he indicated one hundred and two degrees with a +thumb-nail--"we'll have to risk the cold bath, but only in that case." + +"And the tympanites?" + +Dr. Pitts put his chin in the air. + +"Grave--there's an intestinal ulcer, no doubt of it, and if it +perforates--well, we can send for the undertaker then." + +"Has he had hemorrhages?" + +"Two in the first week, but not profuse--he seemed to rally fairly well +afterward. We have been injecting ether in case of anemia. Really, Miss +Searight, the case is interesting, but wicked, wicked as original sin. +Killed off my first nurse out of hand--good little boy, conscientious +enough; took no care of himself; ate his meals in the sick-room against +my wishes; off he went--dicrotic pulse, diarrhea, vomiting, hospital, +thrombosis of pulmonary artery, _pouf_, requiescat." + +"And Miss Wakeley?" + +"Knocked under yesterday, and she was fairly saturated with creolin +night and morning. I don't know how it happened.... Well, God for us +all. Here he is--that's the point for us." He glanced toward the bed, +and for the third time Lloyd looked at the patient. + +Ferriss was in a quiet delirium, and, at intervals, from behind his +lips, dry and brown and fissured, there came the sounds of low and +indistinct muttering. Barring a certain prominence of the cheek-bones, +his face was not very wasted, but its skin was a strange, dusky pallor. +The cold pack was about his head like a sort of caricatured crown. + +"Well," repeated Pitts in a moment, "I've been waiting for you to come +to get a little rest. Was up all last night. Suppose you take over +charge." + +Lloyd nodded her head, removing her hat and gloves, making herself +ready. Pitts gave her some final directions, and left her alone in the +sick-room. For the moment there was nothing to do for the patient. Lloyd +put on her hospital slippers and moved silently about the room, +preparing for the night, and making some few changes in the matter of +light and ventilation. Then for a while the medicine occupied her +attention, and she was at some pains to carefully sort out the +antiseptic and disinfectants from the drugs themselves. These latter she +arranged on a table by themselves--studying the labels--assuring herself +of their uses. Quinine for the regular morning and evening doses, +sulphonal and trional for insomnia, ether for injections in case of +anemia after hemorrhage, morphine for delirium, citrite of caffeine for +weakness of the heart, tincture of valerian for the tympanites, bismuth +to relieve nausea and vomiting, and the crushed ice wrapped in flannel +cloths for the cold pack in the event of hyperpyrexia. + +Later in the evening she took the temperature in the armpit, noted the +condition of the pulse, and managed to get Ferriss--still in his quiet, +muttering delirium--to drink a glass of peptonised milk. She +administered the quinine, reading the label, as was her custom, three +times, once as she took it up, again as she measured the dose, and a +last time as she returned the bottle to its place. Everything she did, +every minute change in Ferriss's condition, she entered upon a chart, so +that in the morning when Dr. Pitts should relieve her he could grasp the +situation at a glance. + +The night passed without any but the expected variations of the pulse +and temperature, though toward daylight Lloyd could fancy that Ferriss, +for a few moments, came out of his delirium and was conscious of his +surroundings. For a few seconds his eyes seemed to regain something of +their intelligence, and his glance moved curiously about the room. But +Lloyd, sitting near the foot-board of the bed, turned her head from +him. It was not expedient that Ferriss should recognise her now. + +Lloyd could not but commend the wisdom of bringing Ferriss to Dr. +Pitts's own house in so quiet a place as Medford. The doctor risked +nothing. He was without a family, the only other occupants of the house +being the housekeeper and cook. On more than one occasion, when an +interesting case needed constant watching, Pitts had used his house as a +sanatorium. Quiet as the little village itself was, the house was +removed some little distance from its outskirts. The air was fine and +pure. The stillness, the calm, the unbroken repose, was almost +Sabbath-like. In the early watches of the night, just at the turn of the +dawn, Lloyd heard the faint rumble of a passing train at the station +nearly five miles away. For hours that and the prolonged stridulating of +the crickets were the only sounds. Then at last, while it was yet dark, +a faint chittering of waking birds began from under the eaves and from +the apple-trees in the yard about the house. Lloyd went to the window, +and, drawing aside the curtains, stood there for a moment looking out. +She could see part of the road leading to the town, and, in the +distance, the edge of the town itself, a few well-kept country +residences of suburban dwellers of the City, and, farther on, a large, +rectangular, brick building with cupola and flagstaff, perhaps the +public school or the bank or the Odd Fellows' Hall. Nearer by were +fields and corners of pasture land, with here and there the formless +shapes of drowsing cows. One of these, as Lloyd watched, changed +position, and she could almost hear the long, deep breath that +accompanied the motion. Far off, miles upon miles, so it seemed, a +rooster was crowing at exact intervals. All at once, and close at hand, +another answered--a gay, brisk carillon that woke the echoes in an +instant. For the first time Lloyd noticed a pale, dim belt of light low +in the east. + +Toward eight o'clock in the morning the doctor came to relieve her, and +while he was examining the charts and she was making her report for the +night the housekeeper announced breakfast. + +"Go down to your breakfast, Miss Searight," said the doctor. "I'll stay +here the while. The housekeeper will show you to your room." + +But before breakfasting Lloyd went to the room the housekeeper had set +apart for her--a different one than had been occupied by either of the +previous nurses--changed her dress, and bathed her face and hands in a +disinfecting solution. When she came out of her room the doctor met her +in the hall; his hat and stick were in his hand. "He has gone to sleep," +he informed her, "and is resting quietly. I am going to get a mouthful +of fresh air along the road. The housekeeper is with him. If he wakes +she'll call you. I will not be gone fifteen minutes. I've not been out +of the house for five days, and there's no danger." + +Breakfast had been laid in what the doctor spoke of as the glass-room. +This was an enclosed veranda, one side being of glass and opening by +French windows directly upon a little lawn that sloped away under the +apple-trees to the road. It was a charming apartment, an idea of a +sister of Dr. Pitts, who at one time had spent two years at Medford. +Lloyd breakfasted here alone, and it was here that Bennett found her. + +The one public carriage of Medford, a sort of four-seated carryall, that +met all the trains at the depot, had driven to the gate at the foot of +the yard, and had pulled up, the horses reeking and blowing. Even before +it had stopped, a tall, square-shouldered man had alighted, but it was +not until he was half-way up the gravel walk that Lloyd had recognised +him. Bennett caught sight of her at the same moment, and strode swiftly +across the lawn and came into the breakfast-room by one of the open +French windows. At once the room seemed to shrink in size; his first +step upon the floor--a step that was almost a stamp, so eager it was, so +masterful and resolute--set the panes of glass jarring in their frames. +Never had Bennett seemed more out of place than in this almost dainty +breakfast-room, with its small, feminine appurtenances, its fragile +glassware, its pots of flowers and growing plants. The incongruous +surroundings emphasized his every roughness, his every angularity. +Against its background of delicate, mild tints his figure loomed +suddenly colossal; the great span of his chest and shoulders seemed +never so huge. His face; the great, brutal jaw, with its aggressive, +bullying, forward thrust; the close-gripped lips, the contracted +forehead, the small eyes, marred with the sharply defined cast, appeared +never so harsh, never so massive, never so significant of the +resistless, crude force of the man, his energy, his overpowering +determination. As he towered there before her, one hand gripped upon a +chair-back, it seemed to her that the hand had but to close to crush the +little varnished woodwork to a splinter, and when he spoke Lloyd could +imagine that the fine, frail china of the table vibrated to the +deep-pitched bass of his voice. + +Lloyd had only to look at him once to know that Bennett was at the +moment aroused and agitated to an extraordinary degree. His face was +congested and flaming. Under his frown his eyes seemed flashing +veritable sparks; his teeth were set; in his temple a vein stood +prominent and throbbing. But Lloyd was not surprised. Bennett had, no +doubt, heard of Ferriss's desperate illness. Small wonder he was excited +when the life of his dearest friend was threatened. Lloyd could ignore +her own quarrel with Bennett at such a moment. + +"I am so sorry," she began, "that you could not have known sooner. But +you remember you left no address. There was--" + +"What are you doing here?" he broke in abruptly. "What is the +use--why--" he paused for a moment to steady his voice--"you can't stay +here," he went on. "Don't you know the risk you are running? You can't +stay here another moment." + +"That," answered Lloyd, smiling, "is a matter that is interesting +chiefly to me. I suppose you know that, Mr. Bennett." + +"I know that you are risking your life and--" + +"And that, too, is my affair." + +"I have made it mine," he responded quickly. "Oh," he exclaimed sharply, +striking the back of the chair with his open palm, "why must we always +be at cross-purposes with each other? I'm not good at talking. What is +the use of tangling ourselves with phrases? I love you, and I've come +out here to ask you, to beg you, you understand, to leave this house, +where you are foolishly risking your life. You must do it," he went on +rapidly. "I love you too well. Your life is too much to me to allow you +to hazard it senselessly, foolishly. There are other women, other +nurses, who can take your place. But you are not going to stay here." + +Lloyd felt her indignation rising. + +"This is my profession," she answered, trying to keep back her anger. "I +am here because it is my duty to be here." Then suddenly, as his +extraordinary effrontery dawned upon her, she exclaimed, rising to her +feet: "Do I need to explain to you what I do? I am here because I choose +to be here. That is enough. I don't care to go any further with such a +discussion as this." + +"You will not leave here, then?" + +"No." + +Bennett hesitated an instant, searching for his words, then: + +"I do not know how to ask favours. I've had little experience in that +sort of thing. You must know how hard it is for me, and you must +understand to what lengths I am driven then, when I entreat you, when I +beg of you, as humbly as it is possible for me to do so, to leave this +house, now--at once. There is a train to the City within the hour; some +one else can take your place before noon. We can telegraph; will you +go?" + +"You are absurd." + +"Lloyd, can't you see; don't you understand? It's as though I saw you +rushing toward a precipice with your eyes shut." + +"My place is here. I shall not leave." + +But Bennett's next move surprised her. His eagerness, his agitation left +him upon the instant He took out his watch. + +"I was wrong," he said quietly. "The next train will not go for an hour +and a quarter. There is more time than I supposed." Then, with as much +gentleness as he could command, he added: "Lloyd, you are going to take +that train?" + +"Now, you are becoming a little more than absurd," she answered. "I +don't know, Mr. Bennett, whether or not you intend to be offensive, but +I think you are succeeding rather well. You came to this house +uninvited; you invade a gentleman's private residence, and you attempt +to meddle and to interfere with me in the practice of my profession. If +you think you can impress me with heroics and declamation, please +correct yourself at once. You have only succeeded in making yourself a +little vulgar." + +"That may be true or not," he answered with an indifferent movement of +his shoulders. "It is all one to me. I have made up my mind that you +shall leave this house this morning, and believe me, Miss Searight, I +shall carry my point." + +For the moment Lloyd caught her breath. For the moment she saw clearly +with just what sort of man she had to deal. There was a conviction in +his manner--now that he had quieted himself--that suddenly appeared +unanswerable. It was like the slow, still moving of a piston. + +But the next moment her own character reasserted itself. She remembered +what she was herself. If he was determined, she was obstinate; if he was +resolved, she was stubborn; if he was powerful, she was unyielding. +Never had she conceded her point before; never had she allowed herself +to be thwarted in the pursuance of a course she believed to be right. +Was she, of all women, to yield now? The consciousness of her own power +of resistance came suddenly to her aid. Bennett was strong, but was she +not strong herself? Where under the blue sky was the power that could +break down her will? When death itself could not prevail against her, +what in life could shake her resolution? + +Suddenly the tremendous import of the moment, the magnitude of the +situation, flashed upon Lloyd. Both of them had staked everything upon +this issue. Two characters of extraordinary power clashed violently +together. There was to be no compromise, no half-measures. Either she or +Bennett must in the end be beaten. One of them was to be broken and +humbled beyond all retrieving. There in that commonplace little room, +with its trivial accessories, its inadequate background, a battle royal +swiftly prepared itself. With the abruptness of an explosion the crisis +developed. + +"Do I need to tell you," remarked Bennett, "that your life is rather +more to me than any other consideration in the world? Do you suppose +when the lives of every member of my command depended upon me I was any +less resolved to succeed than I am now? I succeeded then, and I shall +succeed now, now when there is much more at stake. I am not accustomed +to failure, and I shall not fail now. I assure you that I shall stop at +nothing." + +It was beyond Lloyd to retain her calmness under such aggression. It +seemed as though her self-respect demanded that she should lose her +temper. + +"And you think you can drive me as you drove your deck-hands?" she +exclaimed. "What have you to do with me? Am I your subordinate? Do you +think you can bully me? We are not in Kolyuchin Bay, Mr. Bennett." + +"You're the woman I love," he answered with an abrupt return of +vehemence, "and, by God! I shall stop at nothing to save your life." + +"And my love for you, that you pretend is so much to you, I suppose that +this is the means you take to awaken it. Admitting, for the moment, that +you could induce me to shirk my duty, how should I love you for it? Ask +yourself that." + +But Bennett had but one answer to all her words. He struck his fist into +the palm of his hand as he answered: + +"Your life is more to me than any other consideration." + +"But my life--how do you know it is a question of my life? Come, if we +are to quarrel, let us quarrel upon reasonable grounds. It does not +follow that I risk my life by staying--" + +"Leave the house first; we can talk of that afterward." + +"I have allowed you to talk too much already," she exclaimed angrily. +"Let us come to the bottom of things at once. I will not be influenced +nor cajoled nor bullied into leaving my post. Now, do you understand? +That is my final answer. You who were a commander, who were a leader of +men, what would you have done if one of your party had left his post at +a time of danger? I can tell you what you would have done--you would +have shot him, after first disgracing him, and now you would disgrace +me. Is it reasonable? Is it consistent?" + +Bennett snapped his fingers. + +"That for consistency!" + +"And you would be willing to disgrace me--to have me disgrace myself?" + +"Your life--" began Bennett again. + +But suddenly Lloyd flashed out upon him with: "My life! My life! Are +there not some things better than life? You, above all men, should +understand that much. Oh, be yourself, be the man I thought you were. +You have your code; let me have mine. You could not be what you are, you +could not have done what you did, if you had not set so many things +above merely your life. Admit that you could not have loved me unless +you believed that I could do the same. How could you still love me if +you knew I had failed in my duty? How could you still love me if you +knew that you had broken down my will? I know you better than you know +yourself. You loved me because you knew me to be strong and brave and to +be above petty deceptions and shams and subterfuges. And now you ask me +to fail, to give up, to shirk, and you tell me you do so because you +love me." + +"That is all so many words to me. I cannot argue with you, and there is +no time for it. I did not come here to--converse." + +Never in her life before had Lloyd been so angry as at that moment. The +sombre crimson of her cheeks had suddenly given place to an unwonted +paleness; even her dull-blue eyes, that so rarely sparkled, were all +alight. She straightened herself. + +"Very well, then," she answered quietly, "our conversation can stop +where it is. You will excuse me, Mr. Bennett, if I leave you. I have my +work to do." + +Bennett was standing between her and the door. He did not move. Very +gravely he said: + +"Don't. Please don't bring it--to that." + +Lloyd flashed a look at him, her eyes wide, exclaiming: + +"You don't mean--you don't dare--" + +"I tell you again that I mean to carry my point." + +"And I tell you that I shall _not_ leave my patient." + +Bennett met her glance for an instant, and, holding her gaze with his, +answered but two words. Speaking in a low voice and with measured +slowness, he said: + +"You--shall." + +There was a silence. The two stood there, looking straight into one +another's eyes, their mutual opposition at its climax. The seconds began +to pass. The conflict between the man's aggression and the woman's +resistance reached its turning point. Before another word should be +spoken, before the minute should pass, one of the two must give ground. + +And then it was that Lloyd felt something breakdown within her, +something to which she could not put a name. A mysterious element of her +character, hitherto rigid and intact, was beginning at last to crumble. +Somewhere a breach had been opened; somewhere the barrier had been +undermined. The fine steadfastness that was hers, and that she had so +dearly prized, her strength in which she had gloried, her independence, +her splendid arrogant self-confidence and conscious power seemed all at +once to weaken before this iron resolve that shut its ears and eyes, +this colossal, untutored, savage intensity of purpose. + +And abruptly her eyes were opened, and the inherent weakness of her sex +became apparent to her. Was it a mistake, then? Could not a woman be +strong? Was her strength grafted upon elemental weakness--not her +individual weakness, but the weakness of her sex, the intended natural +weakness of the woman? Had she built her fancied impregnable fortress +upon sand? + +But habit was too strong. For an instant, brief as the opening and +shutting of an eye, a vision was vouchsafed to her, one of those swift +glimpses into unplumbed depths that come sometimes to the human mind in +the moments of its exaltation, but that are gone with such rapidity that +they may not be trusted. For an instant Lloyd saw deep down into the +black, mysterious gulf of sex--down, down, down where, immeasurably +below the world of little things, the changeless, dreadful machinery of +Life itself worked, clashing and resistless in its grooves. It was a +glimpse fortunately brief, a vision that does not come too often, lest +reason, brought to the edge of the abyss, grow giddy at the sight and, +reeling, topple headlong. But quick the vision passed, the gulf closed, +and she felt the firm ground again beneath her feet. + +"I shall not," she cried. + +Was it the same woman who had spoken but one moment before? Did her +voice ring with the same undaunted defiance? Was there not a note of +despair in her tones, a barely perceptible quaver, the symbol of her +wavering resolve? Was not the very fact that she must question her +strength proof positive that her strength was waning? + +But her courage was unshaken, even if her strength was breaking. To the +last she would strive, to the end she would hold her forehead high. Not +till the last hope had been tried would she acknowledge her defeat. + +"But in any case," she said, "risk is better than certainty. If I risk +my life by staying, it is certain that he will die if I leave him at +this critical moment." + +"So much the worse, then--you cannot stay." + +Lloyd stared at him in amazement. + +"It isn't possible; I don't believe you can understand. Do you know how +sick he is? Do you know that he is lying at the point of death at this +very moment, and that the longer I stay away from him the more his life +is in peril? Has he not rights as well as I; has he not a right to live? +It is not only my own humiliation that is at stake, it is the life of +your dearest friend, the man who stood by you, and helped you, and who +suffered the same hardships and privations as yourself." + +"What's that?" demanded Bennett with a sudden frown. + +"If I leave Mr. Ferriss now, if he is left alone here for so much as +half an hour, I will not answer--" + +"Ferriss! What are you talking about? What is your patient's name?" + +"Didn't you know?" + +"Ferriss! Dick Ferriss! Don't tell me it's Dick Ferriss." + +"I thought all the time you knew--that you had heard. Yes, it is Mr. +Ferriss." + +"Is he very sick? What is he doing out here? No, I had not heard; nobody +told me. Pitts was to write--to--to wire. Will he pull through? What's +the matter with him? Is it he who had typhoid?" + +"He is very dangerously ill. Dr. Pitts brought him here. This is his +house. We do not know if he will get well. It is only by watching him +every instant that we can hope for anything. At this moment there is no +one with him but a servant. _Now_, Mr. Bennett, am I to go to my +patient?" + +"But--but--we can get some one else." + +"Not before three hours, and it's only the truth when I tell you he may +die at any minute. Am I to go?" + +In a second of time the hideous situation leaped up before Bennett's +eyes. Right or wrong, the conviction that Lloyd was terribly imperilling +her life by remaining at her patient's bedside had sunk into his mind +and was not to be eradicated. It was a terror that had gripped him close +and that could not be reasoned away. But Ferriss? What of him? Now it +had brusquely transpired that his life, too, hung in the balance. How to +decide? How to meet this abominable complication wherein he must +sacrifice the woman he so dearly loved or the man who was the Damon to +his Pythias, the Jonathan to his David? + +"Am I to go?" repeated Lloyd for the third time. + +Bennett closed his eyes, clasping his head with both hands. + +"Great God, wait--wait--I can't think--I--I, oh, this is terrible!" + +Lloyd drove home her advantage mercilessly. + +"Wait? I tell you we can't wait." + +Then Bennett realised with a great spasm of horror that for him there +was no going back. All his life, accustomed to quick decisions in +moments of supreme peril, he took his decision now, facing, with such +courage as he could muster, its unspeakable consequences, consequences +that he knew must harry and hound him all the rest of his life. +Whichever way he decided, he opened his heart to the beak and talons of +a pitiless remorse. He could no longer see, in the dreadful confusion of +his mind, the right of things or the wrong of things, could not +accurately weigh chances or possibilities. For him only two alternatives +presented themselves, the death of Ferriss or the death of Lloyd. He +could see no compromise, could imagine no escape. It was as though a +headsman with ready axe stood at his elbow, awaiting his commands. And, +besides all this, he had long since passed the limit--though perhaps he +did not know it himself--where he could see anything but the point he +had determined to gain, the goal he had determined to reach. His mind +was made up. His furious energy, his resolve to conquer at all costs, +had become at last a sort of directed frenzy. The engine he had set in +motion was now beyond his control. He could not now--whether he would or +no--reverse its action, swerve it from its iron path, call it back from +the monstrous catastrophe toward which it was speeding him. + +"God help us all!" he muttered. + +"Well," said Lloyd expectantly. + +Bennett drew a deep breath, his hands falling helplessly at his sides. +In a way he appeared suddenly bowed; the great frame of bone and sinew +seemed in some strange, indefinable manner to shrink, to stagger under +the sudden assumption of an intolerable burden--a burden that was never +to be lifted. + +Even then, however, Bennett still believed in the wisdom of his course, +still believed himself to be right. But, right or wrong, he now must go +forward. Was it fate, was it doom, was it destiny? + +Bennett's entire life had been spent in the working out of great ideas +in the face of great obstacles; continually he had been called upon to +overcome enormous difficulties with enormous strength. For long periods +of time he had been isolated from civilisation, had been face to face +with the simple, crude forces of an elemental world--forces that were to +be combated and overthrown by means no less simple and crude than +themselves. He had lost the faculty, possessed, no doubt, by smaller +minds, of dealing with complicated situations. To resort to expedients, +to make concessions, was all beyond him. For him a thing was absolutely +right or absolutely wrong, and between the two there was no gradation. +For so long a time had he looked at the larger, broader situations of +life that his mental vision had become all deformed and confused. He saw +things invariably magnified beyond all proportion, or else dwarfed to a +littleness that was beneath consideration. Normal vision was denied him. +It was as though he studied the world through one or the other ends of a +telescope, and when, as at present, his emotions were aroused, matters +were only made the worse. The idea that Ferriss might recover, though +Lloyd should leave him at this moment, hardly presented itself to his +mind. He was convinced that if Lloyd went away Ferriss would die; Lloyd +had said as much herself. The hope that Lloyd might, after all, nurse +him through his sickness without danger to herself was so remote that he +did not consider it for one instant. If Lloyd remained she, like the +other nurse, would contract the disease and die. + +These were the half-way measures Bennett did not understand, the +expedients he could no longer see. It was either Lloyd or Ferriss. He +must choose between them. + +Bennett went to the door of the room, closed it and leaned against it. + +"No," he said. + +Lloyd was stricken speechless. For the instant she shrank before him as +if from a murderer. Bennett now knew precisely the terrible danger in +which he left the man who was his dearest friend. Would he actually +consent to his death? It was almost beyond belief, and for the moment +Lloyd herself quailed before him. Her first thoughts were not of +herself, but of Ferriss. If he was Bennett's friend he was her friend +too. At that very moment he might be dying for want of her care. She was +fast becoming desperate. For the moment she could put all thought of +herself and of her own dignity in the background. + +"What is it you want?" she cried. "Is it my humiliation you ask? Well, +then, you have it. It is as hard for me to ask favours as it is for you. +I am as proud as you, but I entreat you, you hear me, as humbly as I +can, to let me go. What do you want more than that? Oh, can't you +understand? While we talk here, while you keep me here, he may be dying. +Is it a time for arguments, is it a time for misunderstandings, is it a +time to think of ourselves, of our own lives, our own little affairs?" +She clasped her hands. "Will you please--can I, can I say more than +that; will you please let me go?" + +"No." + +With a great effort Lloyd tried to regain her self-control. She paused a +moment, then: + +"Listen!" she said. "You say that you love me; that I am more to you +than even Mr. Ferriss, your truest friend. I do not wish to think of +myself at such a time as this, but supposing that you should make +me--that I should consent to leave my patient. Think of me then, +afterward. Can I go back there to the house, the house that I built? Can +I face the women of my profession? What would they think of me? What +would my friends think of me--I who have held my head so high? You will +ruin my life. I should have to give up my profession. Oh, can't you see +in what position you would place me?" Suddenly the tears sprang to her +eyes. "No!" she cried vehemently. "No, no, no, I will not, I will not be +disgraced!" + +"I have no wish to disgrace you," answered Bennett. "It is strange for +you to say that to me, if I love you so well that I can give up Ferriss +for--" + +"Then, if you love me so much as that, there must be one thing that you +would set even above my life. Do you wish to make me hate you?" + +"There is nothing in the world more to me than your life; you know that. +How can you think it of me?" + +"Because you don't understand--because you don't know that--oh, that I +love you! I--no--I didn't mean--I didn't mean--" + +What had she said? What had happened? How was it that the words that +yesterday she would have been ashamed to so much as whisper to herself +had now rushed to her lips almost of their own accord? After all those +years of repression, suddenly the sweet, dim thought she had hidden in +her secretest heart's heart had leaped to light and to articulate words. +Unasked, unbidden, she had told him that she loved him. She, she had +done this thing when, but a few moments before, her anger against him +had shaken her to her very finger-tips. The hot, intolerable shame of it +smote like fire into her face. Her world was cracking about her ears; +everything she had prized the dearest was being torn from her, +everything she had fancied the strongest was being overthrown. Had she, +she who had held herself so proud and high, come at last to this? + +Swiftly she turned from him and clasped her hands before her eyes and +sank down into the chair she had quitted, bowing her head upon her arms, +hiding her face, shutting herself from the light of day, quivering and +thrilling with an agony of shame and with an utter, an abject +self-contempt that was beyond all power of expression. But the instant +she felt Bennett's touch upon her shoulder she sprang up as if a knife +had pierced her, and shrank from him, turning her head away, her hand, +palm outward, before her eyes. + +"Oh, please!" she begged piteously, almost inarticulately in the stress +of her emotion, "don't--if you are a man--don't take advantage--please, +please don't touch me. Let me go away." + +She was talking to deaf ears. In two steps Bennett had reached her side +and had taken her in his arms. Lloyd could not resist. Her vigour of +body as well as of mind was crushed and broken and beaten down; and why +was it that in spite of her shame, that in spite of her unutterable +self-reproach, the very touch of her cheek upon his shoulder was a +comfort? Why was it that to feel herself carried away in the rush of +this harsh, impetuous, masculine power was a happiness? Why was it that +to know that her prided fortitude and hitherto unshaken power were being +overwhelmed and broken with a brutal, ruthless strength was an +exultation and a glory? Why was it that she who but a moment before +quailed from his lightest touch now put her arms about his neck and +clung to him with a sense of protection and of refuge, the need of which +she had always and until that very moment disdained? + +"Why should you be sorry because you spoke?" said Bennett. "I knew that +you loved me and you knew that I loved you. What does it matter if you +said it or did not say it? We know each other, you and I. We understand. +You knew that I loved you. You think that I have been strong and +determined, and have done the things I set out to do; what I am is what +you made me. What I have done I have done because I thought you would +approve. Do you think I would have come back if I had not known that I +was coming back to you?" Suddenly an impatient exclamation escaped him, +and his clasp about her tightened. "Oh! words--the mere things that one +can _say_, seem so pitiful, so miserably inadequate. Don't you know, +can't you feel what you are to me? Tell me, do you think I love you?" + +But she could not bear to meet his glance just yet. Her eyes were +closed, and she could only nod her head. + +But Bennett took her head in both his hands and turned her face to his. +Even yet she kept her eyes closed. + +"Lloyd," he said, and his voice was almost a command; "Lloyd, look at +me. Do you love me?" + +She drew a deep breath. Then her sweet dull-blue eyes opened, and +through the tears that brimmed them and wet her lashes she looked at him +and met his glance fearlessly and almost proudly, and her voice trembled +and vibrated with an infinite tenderness as she answered: + +"I do love you, Ward; love you with all my heart." + +Then, after a pause, she said, drawing a little from him and resting a +hand upon either shoulder: + +"But listen, dear; we must not think of ourselves now. We must think of +him, so sick and weak and helpless. This is a terrible moment in our +lives. I don't know why it has come to us. I don't know why it should +all have happened as it has this morning. Just a few moments ago I was +angry as I never was in my life before--and at you--and now it seems to +me that I never was so happy; I don't know myself any more. Everything +is confused; all we can do is to hold to what we know is right and trust +that everything will be well in the end. It is a crisis, isn't it? And +all our lives and all our happiness depend upon how we meet it. I am all +different now. I am not the woman I was a half-hour ago. You must be +brave for me now, and you must be strong for me and help me to do my +duty. We must live up to the best that is in us and do what we think is +right, no matter what risks we run, no matter what the consequences are. +I would not have asked you to help me before--before what has +happened--but now I need your help. You have said I helped you to be +brave; help me to be brave now, and to do what I know is right." + +But Bennett was still blind. If she had been dear to him before, how +doubly so had she become since she had confessed her love for him! +Ferriss was forgotten, ignored. He could not let her go, he could not +let her run the slightest risk. Was he to take any chance of losing her +now? He shook his head. + +"Ward!" she exclaimed with deep and serious earnestness. "If you do not +wish me to risk my life by going to my post, be careful, oh, be very +careful, that you do not risk something that is more to us both than +life itself, by keeping me from it. Do you think I could love you so +deeply and so truly as I do if I had not kept my standards high; if I +had not believed in the things that were better than life, and stronger +than death, and dearer to me than even love itself? There are some +things I cannot do: I cannot be false, I cannot be cowardly, I cannot +shirk my duty. Now I am helpless in your hands. You have conquered, and +you can do with me as you choose. But if you make me do what is false, +and what is cowardly, and what is dishonourable; if you stand between me +and what I know is my duty, how can I love you, how can I love you?" + +Persistently, perversely, Bennett stopped his ears to every +consideration, to every argument. She wished to hazard her life. That +was all he understood. + +"No, Lloyd," he answered, "you must not do it." + +"--and I want to love you," she went on, as though she had not heard. "I +want you to be everything to me. I have trusted you so long--had faith +in you so long, I don't want to think of you as the man who failed me +when I most needed his help, who made me do the thing that was +contemptible and unworthy. Believe me," she went on with sudden energy, +"you will kill my love for you if you persist." + +But before Bennett could answer there was a cry. + +"It is the servant," exclaimed Lloyd quickly. "She has been +watching--there in the room with him." + +"Nurse--Miss Searight," came the cry, "quick--there is something +wrong--I don't know--oh, hurry!" + +"Do you hear?" cried Lloyd. "It is the crisis--he may be dying. Oh, +Ward, it is the man you love! We can save him." She stamped her foot in +the frenzy of her emotion, her hands twisting together. "I _will_ go. I +forbid you to keep--to hinder--to--to, oh, what is to become of us? If +you love me, if you love him--_Ward, will you let me go?_" + +Bennett put his hands over his ears, his eyes closed. In the horror of +that moment, when he realised that no matter how he might desire it he +could not waver in his resolution, it seemed to him that his reason must +give way. But he set his back to the door, his hand gripped tight upon +the knob, and through his set teeth his answer came as before: + +"No." + +"Nurse--Miss Searight, where are you? Hurry, oh, hurry!" + +"Will you let me go?" + +"No." + +Lloyd caught at his hand, shut so desperately upon the knob, striving to +loosen his clasp. She hardly knew what she was doing; she threw her arms +about his neck, imploring, commanding, now submissive, now imperious, +her voice now vibrating with anger, now trembling with passionate +entreaty. + +"You are not only killing him, you are killing my love for you; will you +let me go--the love that is so dear to me? Let me love you, Ward; listen +to me; don't make me hate you; let me love you, dear--" + +"Hurry, oh, hurry!" + +"Let me love you; let him live. I want to love you. It's the best +happiness in my life. Let me be happy. Can't you see what this moment is +to mean for us? It is our happiness or wretchedness forever. Will you +let me go?" + +"No." + +"For the last time, Ward, listen! It is my love for you and his life. +Don't crush us both--yes, and yourself. You who can, who are so +powerful, don't trample all our happiness under foot." + +"Hurry, hurry; oh, will nobody come to help?" + +"Will you let me go?" + +"No." + +Her strength seemed all at once to leave her. All the fabric of her +character, so mercilessly assaulted, appeared in that moment to reel, +topple, and go crashing to its wreck. She was shattered, broken, +humbled, and beaten down to the dust. Her pride was gone, her faith in +herself was gone, her fine, strong energy was gone. The pity of it, the +grief of it; all that she held dearest; her fine and confident +steadfastness; the great love that had brought such happiness into her +life--that had been her inspiration, all torn from her and tossed aside +like chaff. And her patient--Ferriss, the man who loved her, who had +undergone such suffering, such hardship, who trusted her and whom it was +her duty to nurse back to life and health--if he should perish for want +of her care, then what infinite sorrow, then what endless remorse, then +what long agony of unavailing regret! Her world, her universe grew dark +to her; she was driven from her firm stand. She was lost, she was +whirled away--away with the storm, landmarks obliterated, lights gone; +away with the storm; out into the darkness, out into the void, out into +the waste places and wilderness and trackless desolation. + +"Hurry, oh, hurry!" + +It was too late. She had failed; the mistake had been made, the question +had been decided. That insensate, bestial determination, iron-hearted, +iron-strong, had beaten down opposition, had carried its point. Life and +love had been crushed beneath its trampling without pity, without +hesitation. The tragedy of the hour was done; the tragedy of the long +years to come was just beginning. + +Lloyd sank down in the chair before the table, and the head that she had +held so high bowed down upon her folded arms. The violence of her grief +shook her from head to foot like a dry, light reed. Her heart seemed +literally to be breaking. She must set her teeth with all her strength +to keep from groaning aloud, from crying out in her hopeless sorrow her +impotent shame and despair. + +Once more came the cry for help. Then the house fell silent. The minutes +passed. But for Lloyd's stifled grief there was no sound. +Bennett--leaning heavily against the door, his great shoulders stooping +and bent, his face ashen, his eyes fixed--did not move. He did not speak +to Lloyd. There was no word of comfort he could address to her--that +would have seemed the last mockery. He had prevailed, as he knew he +should, as he knew he must, when once his resolve was taken. The force +that, once it was unleashed, was beyond him to control, had accomplished +its purpose. His will remained unbroken; but at what cost? However, that +was for future consideration. The costs? Had he not his whole life +before him in which to count them? The present moment still called upon +him to act. He looked at his watch. + +The next quarter of an hour was all a confusion to him. Its incidents +refused to define themselves upon his memory when afterward he tried to +recall them. He could remember, however, that when he helped Lloyd into +the carryall that was to take her to the depot in the village she had +shrunk from his touch and had drawn away from him as if from a +criminal--a murderer. He placed her satchel on the front seat with the +driver, and got up beside the driver himself. She had drawn her veil +over her face, and during the drive sat silent and motionless. + +"Can you make it?" asked Bennett of the driver, watch in hand. The time +was of the shortest, but the driver put the whip to his horses and, at a +run, they reached the railway station a few moments ahead of time. +Bennett told the driver to wait, and while Lloyd remained in her place +he bought her ticket for the City. Then he went to the telegraph office +and sent a peremptory despatch to the house on Calumet Square. + +A few moments later the train had come and gone, an abrupt eruption of +roaring iron and shrieking steam. Bennett was left on the platform +alone, watching it lessen to a smoky blur where the rails converged +toward the horizon. For an instant he stood watching, watching a +resistless, iron-hearted force whirling her away, out of his reach, out +of his life. Then he shook himself, turning sharply about. + +"Back to the doctor's house, now," he commanded the driver; "on the run, +you understand." + +But the other protested. His horses were all but exhausted. Twice they +had covered that distance at top speed and under the whip. He refused to +return. Bennett took the young man by the arm and lifted him from his +seat to the ground. Then he sprang to his place and lashed the horses to +a gallop. + +When he arrived at Dr. Pitts's house he did not stop to tie the horses, +but threw the reins over their backs and entered the front hall, out of +breath and panting. But the doctor, during Bennett's absence, had +returned, and it was he who met him half-way up the stairs. + +"How is he?" demanded Bennett. "I have sent for another nurse; she will +be out here on the next train. I wired from the station." + +"The only objection to that," answered the doctor, looking fixedly at +him, "is that it is not necessary. Mr. Ferriss has just died." + + + + +VII. + + +Throughout her ride from Medford to the City it was impossible for +Lloyd, so great was the confusion in her mind, to think connectedly. She +had been so fiercely shocked, so violently shattered and weakened, that +for a time she lacked the power and even the desire to collect and to +concentrate her scattering thoughts. For the time being she felt, but +only dimly, that a great blow had fallen, that a great calamity had +overwhelmed her, but so extraordinary was the condition of her mind that +more than once she found herself calmly awaiting the inevitable moment +when the full extent of the catastrophe would burst upon her. For the +moment she was merely tired. She was willing even to put off this +reaction for a while, willing to remain passive and dizzied and +stupefied, resigning herself helplessly and supinely to the swift +current of events. + +Yet while that part of her mind which registered the greater, deeper, +and more lasting impressions remained inactive, the smaller faculty, +that took cognisance of the little, minute-to-minute matters, was as +busy and bright as ever. It appeared that the blow had been struck over +this latter faculty, and not, as one so often supposes, through it. She +seemed in that hour to understand the reasonableness of this phenomenon, +that before had always appeared so inexplicable, and saw how great +sorrow as well as great joy strikes only at the greater machinery of the +brain, overpassing and ignoring the little wheels and cogs, that work on +as briskly as ever in storm or calm, being moved only by temporary and +trivial emotions and impressions. + +So it was that for upward of an hour while the train carried her swiftly +back to the City, Lloyd sat quietly in her place, watching the landscape +rushing past her and cut into regular divisions by the telegraph poles +like the whirling pictures of a kinetoscope. She noted, and even with +some particularity, the other passengers--a young girl in a smart +tailor-made gown reading a book, cutting the leaves raggedly with a +hairpin; a well-groomed gentleman with a large stomach, who breathed +loudly through his nose; the book agent with his oval boxes of dried +figs and endless thread of talk; a woman with a little boy who wore +spectacles and who was continually making unsteady raids upon the +water-cooler, and the brakeman and train conductor laughing and chatting +in the forward seat. + +She took an interest in every unusual feature of the country through +which the train was speeding, and noted each stop or increase of speed. +She found a certain diversion, as she had often done before, in watching +for the mile-posts and in keeping count of the miles. She even asked the +conductor at what time the train would reach the City, and uttered a +little murmur of vexation when she was told that it was a half-hour +late. The next instant she was asking herself why this delay should seem +annoying to her. Then, toward the close of the afternoon, came the City +itself. First a dull-gray smudge on the horizon, then a world of grimy +streets, rows of miserable tenements festooned with rags, then a tunnel +or two, and at length the echoing glass-arched terminal of the station. +Lloyd alighted, and, remembering that the distance was short, walked +steadily toward her destination till the streets and neighbourhood +became familiar. Suddenly she came into the square. Directly opposite +was the massive granite front of the agency. She paused abruptly. She +was returning to the house after abandoning her post. What was she to +say to them, the other women of her profession? + +Then all at once came the reaction. Instantly the larger machinery of +the mind resumed its functions, the hurt of the blow came back. With a +fierce wrench of pain, the wound reopened, full consciousness returned. +Lloyd remembered then that she had proved false to her trust at a moment +of danger, that Ferriss would probably die because of what she had done, +that her strength of will and of mind wherein she had gloried was broken +beyond redemption; that Bennett had failed her, that her love for him, +the one great happiness of her life, was dead and cold and could never +be revived, and that in the eyes of the world she stood dishonoured and +disgraced. + +Now she must enter that house, now she must face its inmates, her +companions. What to say to them? How explain her defection? How tell +them that she had not left her post of her own will? Lloyd fancied +herself saying in substance that the man who loved her and whom she +loved had made her abandon her patient. She set her teeth. No, not that +confession of miserable weakness; not that of all things. And yet the +other alternative, what was that? It could be only that she had been +afraid--she, Lloyd Searight! Must she, who had been the bravest of them +all, stand before that little band of devoted women in the light of a +self-confessed coward? + +She remembered the case of the young English woman, Harriet Freeze, who, +when called upon to nurse a smallpox patient, had been found wanting in +courage at the crucial moment, and had discovered an excuse for leaving +her post. Miss Freeze had been expelled dishonourably from the midst of +her companions. And now she, Lloyd, standing apparently convicted of the +same dishonour, must face the same tribunal. There was no escape. She +must enter that house, she must endure that ordeal, and this at +precisely the time when her resolution had been shattered, her will +broken, her courage daunted. For a moment the idea of flight suggested +itself to her--she would avoid the issue. She would hide from reproach +and contumely, and without further explanation go back to her place in +the country at Bannister. But the little exigencies of her position made +this impossible. Besides her nurse's bag, her satchel was the only +baggage she had at that moment, and she knew that there was but little +money in her purse. + +All at once she realised that while debating the question she had been +sitting on one of the benches under the trees in the square. The sun was +setting; evening was coming on. Maybe if she waited until six o'clock +she could enter the house while the other nurses were at supper, gain +her room unobserved, then lock herself in and deny herself to all +callers. But Lloyd made a weary, resigned movement of her shoulders. +Sooner or later she must meet them all eye to eye. It would be only +putting off the humiliation. + +She rose, and, turning to the house, began to walk slowly toward it. Why +put it off? It would be as hard at one time as another. But so great was +her sense of shame that even as she walked she fancied that the very +passers-by, the loungers on the benches around the fountain, must know +that here was a disgraced woman. Was it not apparent in her very face, +in the very uncertainty of her gait? She told herself she had not done +wisely to sit even for a moment upon the bench she had just quitted. She +wondered if she had been observed, and furtively glanced about her. +There! Was not that nursemaid studying her too narrowly? And the +policeman close at hand, was he not watching her quizzically? She +quickened her gait, moved with a sudden impulse to get out of sight, to +hide within doors--where? In the house? There where, so soon as she set +foot in it, her companions, the other nurses, must know her dishonour? +Where was she to go? Where to turn? What was to become of her? + +But she _must_ go to the house. It was inevitable. She went forward, as +it were, step by step. That little journey across the square under the +elms and cottonwoods was for her a veritable _chemin de la croix_. Every +step was an agony; every yard covered only brought her nearer the time +and place of exposure. It was all the more humiliating because she knew +that her impelling motive was not one of duty. There was nothing lofty +in the matter--nothing self-sacrificing. She went back because she had +to go back. Little material necessities, almost ludicrous in their +pettiness, forced her on. + +As she came nearer she looked cautiously at the windows of the agency. +Who would be the first to note her home-coming? Would it be Miss +Douglass, or Esther Thielman, or Miss Bergyn, the superintendent nurse? +What would first be said to her? With what words would she respond? Then +how the news of the betrayal of her trust would flash from room to room! +How it would be discussed, how condemned, how deplored! Not one of the +nurses of that little band but would not feel herself hurt by what she +had done--by what she had been forced to do. And the news of her failure +would spread to all her acquaintances and friends throughout the City. +Dr. Street would know it; every physician to whom she had hitherto been +so welcome an aid would know it. In all the hospitals it would be a nine +days' gossip. Campbell would hear of it, and Hattie. + +All at once, within thirty feet of the house, Lloyd turned about and +walked rapidly away from it. The movement was all but involuntary; every +instinct in her, every sense of shame, brusquely revolted. It was +stronger than she. A power, for the moment irresistible, dragged her +back from that doorway. Once entering here, she left all hope behind. +Yet the threshold must be crossed, yet the hope must be abandoned. + +She felt that if she faced about now a second time she would indeed +attract attention. So, while her cheeks flamed hot at the meanness, the +miserable ridiculousness of the imposture, she assumed a brisk, +determined gait, as though she knew just where she were going, and, +turning out of the square down a by-street, walked around the block, +even stopping once or twice before a store, pretending an interest in +the display. It seemed to her that by now everybody in the streets must +have noted that there was something wrong with her. Twice as a passer-by +brushed past her she looked back to see if he was watching her. How to +live through the next ten minutes? If she were only in her room, bolted +in, locked and double-locked in. Why was there not some back way through +which she could creep to that seclusion? + +And so it was that Lloyd came back to the house she had built, to the +little community she had so proudly organised, to the agency she had +founded, and with her own money endowed and supported. + +At last she found herself at the bottom of the steps, her foot upon the +lowest one, her hand clasping the heavy bronze rail. There was no going +back now. She went up and pushed the button of the electric bell, and +then, the step once taken, the irrevocable once dared, something like +the calmness of resignation came to her. There was no help for it. Now +for the ordeal. Rownie opened the door for her with a cheery welcome. +Lloyd was dimly conscious that the girl said something about her mail, +and that she was just in time for supper. But the hall and stairway were +deserted and empty, while from the dining-room came a subdued murmur of +conversation and the clink of dishes. The nurses were at supper, as +Lloyd had hoped. The moment favoured her, and she brushed by Rownie, and +almost ran, panic-stricken and trembling, up the stairs. + +She gained the hall of the second floor. There was the door of her room +standing ajar. With a little gasp of infinite relief, she hurried to it, +entered, shut and locked and bolted it behind her, and, casting her +satchel and handbag from her, flung herself down upon the great couch, +and buried her head deep among the cushions. + +At Lloyd's abrupt entrance Miss Douglass turned about from the +book-shelves in an angle of the room and stared a moment in no little +surprise. Then she exclaimed: + +"Why, Lloyd, why, what is it--what is the matter?" + +Lloyd sprang up sharply at the sound of her voice, and then sank down to +a sitting posture upon the edge of the couch. Quietly enough she said: + +"Oh, is it you? I didn't know--expect to find any one--" + +"You don't mind, do you? I just ran in to get a book--something to read. +I've had a headache all day, and didn't go down to supper." + +Lloyd nodded. "Of course--I don't mind," she said, a little wearily. + +"But tell me," continued the fever nurse, "whatever is the matter? When +you came in just now--I never saw you so--oh, I understand, your case at +Medford--" + +Lloyd's hands closed tight upon the edge of the couch. + +"No one could have got a patient through when the fever had got as far +as that," continued the other. "This must have been the fifth or sixth +week. The second telegram came just in time to prevent my going. I was +just going out of the door when the boy came with it." + +"You? What telegram?" inquired Lloyd. + +"Yes, I was on call. The first despatch asking for another extra nurse +came about two o'clock. The four-twenty was the first train I could have +taken--the two-forty-five express is a through train and don't stop at +Medford--and, as I say, I was just going out of the door when Dr. +Pitts's second despatch came, countermanding the first, and telling us +that the patient had died. It seems that it was one of the officers of +the Freja expedition. We didn't know--" + +"Died?" interrupted Lloyd, looking fixedly at her. + +"But Lloyd, you mustn't take it so to heart. You couldn't have got him +through. No one could at that time. He was probably dying when you were +sent for. We must all lose a case now and then." + +"Died?" repeated Lloyd; "Dr. Pitts wired that Mr. Ferriss died?" + +"Yes; it was to prevent my coming out there uselessly. He must have sent +the wire quite an hour before you left. It was very thoughtful of him." + +"He's dead," said Lloyd in a low, expressionless voice, looking vacantly +about the room. "Mr. Ferriss is dead." Then suddenly she put a fist to +either temple, horror-struck and for the moment shaken with hysteria +from head to foot, her eyes widening with an expression almost of +terror. "Dead!" she cried. "Oh, it's horrible! Why didn't I--why +couldn't I--" + +"I know just how you feel," answered Miss Douglass soothingly. "I am +that way myself sometimes. It's not professional, I know, but when you +have been successful in two or three bad cases you think you can always +win; and then when you lose the next case you believe that somehow it +must have been your fault--that if you had been a little more careful at +just that moment, or done a little different in that particular point, +you might have saved your patient. But you, of all people, ought not to +feel like that. If you could not have saved your case nobody could." + +"It was just because I had the case that it was lost." + +"Nonsense, Lloyd; don't talk like that. You've not had enough sleep; +your nerves have been over-strained. You're worn out and a little +hysterical and morbid. Now lie down and keep quiet, and I'll bring you +your supper. You need a good night's sleep and bromide of potassium." + +When she had gone Lloyd rose to her feet and drew her hand wearily +across her eyes. The situation adjusted itself in her mind. After the +first recoil of horror at Ferriss's death she was able to see the false +position in which she stood. She had been so certain already that +Ferriss would die, leaving him as she did at so critical a moment, that +now the sharpness of Miss Douglass's news was blunted a little. She had +only been unprepared for the suddenness of the shock. But now she +understood clearly how Miss Douglass had been deceived by circumstances. +The fever nurse had heard of Ferriss's death early in the afternoon, and +supposed, of course, that Lloyd had left the case _after_, and not +before, it had occurred. This was the story the other nurses would +believe. Instantly, in the flood of grief and remorse and humiliation +that had overwhelmed her, Lloyd caught at this straw of hope. Only Dr. +Pitts and Bennett knew the real facts. Bennett, of course, would not +speak, and Lloyd knew that the physician would understand the cruelty +and injustice of her situation, and because of that would also keep +silence. To make sure of this she could write him a letter, or, better +still, see him personally. It would be hard to tell him the truth. But +that was nothing when compared with the world's denunciation of her. + +If she had really been false to her charge, if she had actually flinched +and faltered at the crucial moment, had truly been the coward, this +deception which had been thrust upon her at the moment of her return to +the house, this part which it was so easy to play, would have been a +hideous and unspeakable hypocrisy. But Lloyd had not faltered, had not +been false. In her heart of hearts she had been true to herself and to +her trust. How would she deceive her companions then by allowing them to +continue in the belief of her constancy, fidelity, and courage? What she +hid from them, or rather what they could not see, was a state of things +that it was impossible for any one but herself to understand. She could +not--no woman could--bring herself to confess to another woman what had +happened that day at Medford. It would be believed that she could have +stayed at her patient's bedside if she had so desired. No one who did +not know Bennett could understand the terrible, vast force of the man. + +Try as she would, Lloyd could not but think first of herself at this +moment. Bennett was ignored, forgotten. Once she had loved him, but that +was all over now. The thought of Ferriss's death, for which in a manner +she had been forced to be responsible, came rushing to her mind from +time to time, and filled her with a horror and, at times, even a +perverse sense of remorse, almost beyond words. But Lloyd's pride, her +self-confidence, her strength of character and independence had been +dearer to her than almost anything in life. So she told herself, and, at +that moment, honestly believed. And though she knew that her pride had +been humbled, it was not gone, and enough of it remained to make her +desire and strive to keep the fact a secret from the world. It seemed +very easy. She would only have to remain passive. Circumstances acted +for her. + +Miss Douglass returned, followed by Rownie carrying a tray. When the +mulatto had gone, after arranging Lloyd's supper on a little table near +the couch, the fever nurse drew up a chair. + +"Now we can talk," she said, "unless you are too tired. I've been so +interested in this case at Medford. Tell me what was the immediate cause +of death; was it perforation or just gradual collapse?" + +"It was neither," said Lloyd quickly. "It was a hemorrhage." + +She had uttered the words with as little consciousness as a phonograph, +and the lie had escaped her before she was aware. How did she know what +had been the immediate cause of death? What right had she to speak? Why +was it that all at once a falsehood had come so easy to her, to her +whose whole life until then had been so sincere, so genuine? + +"A hemorrhage?" repeated the other. "Had there been many before then? +Was there coma vigil when the end came? I--" + +"Oh," cried Lloyd with a quick gesture of impatience, "don't, don't ask +me any more. I am tired--nervous; I am worn out." + +"Yes, of course you must be," answered the fever nurse. "We won't talk +any more about it." + +That night and the following day were terrible. Lloyd neither ate nor +slept. Not once did she set foot out of her room, giving out that she +was ill, which was not far from the truth, and keeping to herself and to +the companionship of the thoughts and terrors that crowded her mind. +Until that day at Medford her life had run easily and happily and in +well-ordered channels. She was successful in her chosen profession and +work. She imagined herself to be stronger and of finer fibre than most +other women, and her love for Bennett had lent a happiness and a +sweetness to her life dear to her beyond all words. Suddenly, and within +an hour's time, she had lost everything. Her will had been broken, her +spirit crushed; she had been forced to become fearfully instrumental in +causing the death of her patient--a man who loved and trusted her--while +her love for Bennett, which for years had been her deep and abiding joy, +the one great influence of her life, was cold and dead, and could never +be revived. + +This in the end came to be Lloyd's greatest grief. She could forget that +she herself had been humbled and broken. Horrible, unspeakably horrible, +as Ferriss's death seemed to her, it was upon Bennett, and not upon her, +that its responsibility must be laid. She had done what she could. Of +that she was assured. But, first and above all things, Lloyd was a +woman, and her love for Bennett was a very different matter. + +When, during that never-to-be-forgotten scene in the breakfast-room of +the doctor's house, she had warned Bennett that if he persisted in his +insane resolution he would stamp out her affection for him, Lloyd had +only half believed what she said. But when at last it dawned upon her +that she had spoken wiser than she knew, that this was actually true, +and that now, no matter how she might desire it, she could not love him +any longer, it seemed as though her heart must break. It was precisely +as though Bennett himself, the Bennett she had known, had been blotted +out of existence. It was much worse than if Bennett had merely died. +Even then he would have still existed for her, somewhere. As it was, the +man she had known simply ceased to be, irrevocably, finally, and the +warmth of her love dwindled and grew cold, because now there was nothing +left for it to feed upon. + +Never until then had Lloyd realised how much he had been to her; how he +had not only played so large a part in her life, but how he had become a +very part of her life itself. Her love for him had been like the air, +like the sunlight; was delicately knitted and intertwined into all the +innumerable intricacies of her life and character. Literally, not an +hour had ever passed that, directly or indirectly, he had not occupied +her thoughts. He had been her inspiration; he had made her want to be +brave and strong and determined, and it was because of him that the +greater things of the world interested her. She had chosen a work to be +done because he had set her an example. So only that she preserved her +womanliness, she, too, wanted to count, to help on, to have her place in +the world's progress. In reality all her ambitions and hopes had been +looking toward one end only, that she might be his equal; that he might +find in her a companion and a confidante; one who could share his +enthusiasms and understand his vast projects and great aims. + +And how had he treated her when at last opportunity had been given her +to play her part, to be courageous and strong, to prevail against great +odds, while he stood by to see? He had ignored and misunderstood, and +tossed aside as childish and absurd that which she had been building up +for years. Instead of appreciating her heroism he had forced her to +become a coward in the eyes of the world. She had hoped to be his equal, +and he had treated her as a school-girl. It had all been a mistake. She +was not and could not be the woman she had hoped. He was not and never +had been the man she had imagined. They had nothing in common. + +But it was not easy to give Bennett up, to let him pass out of her life. +She wanted to love him yet. With all her heart and strength, in spite of +everything--woman that she was, she had come to that--in spite of +everything she wanted to love him. Though he had broken her will, +thwarted her ambitions, ignored her cherished hopes, misunderstood and +mistaken her, yet, if she could, Lloyd would yet have loved him, loved +him even for the very fact that he had been stronger than she. + +Again and again she tried to awaken this dead affection, to call back +this vanished love. She tried to remember the Bennett she had known; she +told herself that he loved her; that he had said that the great things +he had done had been done only with an eye to her approval; that she had +been his inspiration no less than he had been hers; that he had fought +his way back, not only to life, but to her. She thought of all he had +suffered, of the hardships and privations beyond her imagination to +conceive, that he had undergone. She tried to recall the infinite joy of +that night when the news of his safe return had come to her; she thought +of him at his very best--how he had always seemed to her the type of the +perfect man, masterful, aggressive, accomplishing great projects with an +energy and determination almost superhuman, one of the world's great +men, whose name the world still shouted. She called to mind how the very +ruggedness of his face; with its massive lines and harsh angles, had +attracted her; how she had been proud of his giant's strength, the vast +span of his shoulders, the bull-like depth of his chest, the sense of +enormous physical power suggested by his every movement. + +But it was all of no effect. That Bennett was worse than dead to her. +The Bennett that now came to her mind and imagination was the brutal, +perverse man of the breakfast-room at Medford, coarse, insolent, +intractable, stamping out all that was finest in her, breaking and +flinging away the very gifts he had inspired her to offer him. It was +nothing to him that she should stand degraded in the eyes of the world. +He did not want her to be brave and strong. She had been wrong; it was +not that kind of woman he desired. He had not acknowledged that she, +too, as well as he--a woman as well as a man might have her principles, +her standards of honour, her ideas of duty. It was not her character, +then, that he prized; the nobility of her nature was nothing to him; he +took no thought of the fine-wrought texture of her mind. How, then, did +she appeal to him? It was not her mind; it was not her soul. What, then, +was left? Nothing but the physical. The shame of it; the degradation of +it! To be so cruelly mistaken in the man she loved, to be able to appeal +to him only on his lower side! Lloyd clasped her hands over her eyes, +shutting her teeth hard against a cry of grief and pain and impotent +anger. No, no, now it was irrevocable; now her eyes were opened. The +Bennett she had known and loved had been merely a creature of her own +imagining; the real man had suddenly discovered himself; and this man, +in spite of herself, she hated as a victim hates its tyrant. + +But her grief for her vanished happiness--the happiness that this love, +however mistaken, had brought into her life--was pitiful. Lloyd could +not think of it without the choke coming to her throat and the tears +brimming her dull-blue eyes, while at times a veritable paroxysm of +sorrow seized upon her and flung her at full length upon her couch, her +face buried and her whole body shaken with stifled sobs. It was gone, it +was gone, and could never be called back. What was there now left to her +to live for? Why continue her profession? Why go on with the work? What +pleasure now in striving and overcoming? Where now was the exhilaration +of battle with the Enemy, even supposing she yet had the strength to +continue the fight? Who was there now to please, to approve, to +encourage? To what end the days of grave responsibilities, the long, +still nights of vigil? + +She began to doubt herself. Bennett, the man, had loved his work for its +own sake. But how about herself, the woman? In what spirit had she gone +about her work? Had she been genuine, after all? Had she not undertaken +it rather as a means than as an end--not because she cared for it, but +because she thought he would approve, because she had hoped by means of +the work she would come into closer companionship with him? She wondered +if this must always be so--the man loving the work for the work's sake; +the woman, more complex, weaker, and more dependent, doing the work only +in reference to the man. + +But often she distrusted her own conclusions, and, no doubt, rightly so. +Her mind was yet too confused to reason calmly, soberly, and accurately. +Her distress was yet too keen, too poignant to permit her to be logical. +At one time she was almost ready to admit that she had misjudged +Bennett; that, though he had acted cruelly and unjustly, he had done +what he thought was best. His sacrifice of Ferriss was sufficient +guarantee of his sincerity. But this mistrust of herself did not affect +her feeling toward him. There were moments when she condoned his +offence; there was never an instant she did not hate him. + +And this sentiment of hatred itself, independent of and apart from its +object, was distasteful and foreign to her. Never in her life had Lloyd +hated any one before. To be kind, to be gentle, to be womanly was her +second nature, and kindness, gentleness, and womanliness were qualities +that her profession only intensified and deepened. This newcomer in her +heart, this fierce, evil visitor, that goaded her and pricked and +harried her from day to day and throughout so many waking nights, that +roused the unwonted flash in her eye and drove the hot, angry blood to +her smooth, white forehead and knotted her levelled brows to a dark and +lowering frown, had entered her life and being, unsought for and +undesired. It did not belong to her world. Yet there it sat on its +usurped throne deformed and hideous, driving out all tenderness and +compunction, ruling her with a rod of iron, hardening her, embittering +her, and belittling her, making a mockery of all sweetness, fleering at +nobility and magnanimity, lowering the queen to the level of the +fishwife. + +When the first shock of the catastrophe had spent its strength and Lloyd +perforce must turn again to the life she had to live, groping for its +scattered, tangled ends, piecing together again as best she might its +broken fragments, she set herself honestly to drive this hatred from her +heart. If she could not love Bennett, at least she need not hate him. +She was moved to this by no feeling of concern for Bennett. It was not a +consideration that she owed to him, but something rather that was due to +herself. Yet, try as she would, the hatred still remained. She could not +put it from her. Hurt her and contaminate her as it did, in spite of all +her best efforts, in spite of her very prayers, the evil thing abode +with her, deep-rooted, strong, malignant. She saw that in the end she +would continue in her profession, but she believed that she could not go +on with it consistently, based as it was upon sympathy and love and +kindness, while a firm-seated, active hatred dwelt with her, harassing +her at every moment, and perverting each good impulse and each unselfish +desire. It was an ally of the very Enemy she would be called upon to +fight, a traitor that at any moment might open the gates to his +triumphant entry. + +But was this his only ally; was this the only false and ugly invader +that had taken advantage of her shattered defence? Had the unwelcome +visitor entered her heart alone? Was there not a companion still more +wicked, more perverted, more insidious, more dangerous? For the first +time Lloyd knew what it meant to deceive. + +It was supposed by her companions, and accepted by them as a matter of +course, that she had not left the bedside of her patient until after his +death. At first she had joyfully welcomed this mistake as her salvation, +the one happy coincidence that was to make her life possible, and for a +time had ceased to think about it. That phase of the incident was +closed. Matters would readjust themselves. In a few days' time the +incident would be forgotten. But she found that she herself could not +forget it, and that as days went on the idea of this passive, silent +deception she was obliged to maintain occurred to her oftener and +oftener. She remembered again how glibly and easily she had lied to her +friend upon the evening of her return. How was it that the lie had +flowed so smoothly from her lips? To her knowledge she had never +deliberately lied before. She would have supposed that, because of this +fact, falsehood would come difficult to her, that she would have +bungled, hesitated, stammered. But it was the reverse that had been the +case. The facility with which she had uttered the lie was what now began +to disturb and to alarm her. It argued some sudden collapse of her whole +system of morals, some fundamental disarrangement of the entire machine. + +Abruptly she recoiled. Whither was she tending? If she supinely resigned +herself to the current of circumstance, where would she be carried? Yet +how was she to free herself from the current, how to face this new +situation that suddenly presented itself at a time when she had fancied +the real shock of battle and contention was spent and past? + +How was she to go back now? How could she retrace her steps? There was +but one way--correct the false impression. It would not be necessary to +acknowledge that she had been forced to leave her post; the essential +was that her companions should know that she had deceived them--that she +had left the bedside before her patient's death. But at the thought of +making such confession, public as it must be, everything that was left +of her wounded pride revolted. She who had been so firm, she who had +held so tenaciously to her principles, she who had posed before them as +an example of devotion and courage--she could not bring herself to that. + +"No, no," she exclaimed as this alternative presented itself to her +mind. "No, I cannot. It is beyond me. I simply cannot do it." + +But she could. Yes, she could do it if she would. Deep down in her mind +that little thought arose. She could if she wanted to. Hide it though +she might, cover it and bury it with what false reasoning she could +invent, the little thought would not be smothered, would not be crushed +out. Well, then, she would not. Was it not her chance; was not this +deception which others and not herself had created, her opportunity to +recover herself, to live down what had been done--what she had been +forced to do, rather? Absolute right was never to be attained; was not +life to be considered rather in the light of a compromise between good +and evil? To do what one could under the circumstances, was not that the +golden mean? + +But she ought. And, quick, another little thought sprang up in the +deeper recesses of her mind and took its place beside the other. It was +right that she should be true. She ought to do the right. Argument, the +pleas of weakness, the demands of expediency, the plausibility of +compromise were all of no avail. The idea "I ought" persisted and +persisted and persisted. She could and she ought. There was no excuse +for her, and no sooner had she thrust aside the shifty mass of +sophistries under which she had striven to conceal them, no sooner had +she let in the light, than these two conceptions of Duty and Will began +suddenly to grow. + +But what was she to gain? What would be the result of such a course as +her conscience demanded she should adopt? It was inevitable that she +would be misunderstood, cruelly misjudged. What action would her +confession entail? She could not say. But results did not matter; what +she was to gain or lose did not matter. Around her and before her all +was dark and vague and terrible. If she was to escape there was but one +thing to do. Suddenly her own words came back to her: + +"All we can do is to hold to what we know is right, and trust that +everything will come well in the end." + +She knew what was right, and she had the strength to hold to it. Then +all at once there came to Lloyd a grand, breathless sense of uplifting, +almost a transfiguration. She felt herself carried high above the sphere +of little things, the region of petty considerations What did she care +for consequences, what mattered to her the unjust condemnation of her +world, if only she remained true to herself, if only she did right? What +did she care for what she gained? It was no longer a question of gain or +loss--it was a question of being true and strong and brave. The conflict +of that day at Medford between the man's power and the woman's +resistance had been cruel, the crisis had been intense, and though she +had been conquered then, had it, after all, been beyond recall? No, she +was not conquered. No, she was not subdued. Her will had not been +broken, her courage had not been daunted, her strength had not been +weakened. Here was the greater fight, here was the higher test. Here was +the ultimate, supreme crisis of all, and here, at last, come what might, +she would not, would not, would not fail. + +As soon as Lloyd reached this conclusion she sat about carrying her +resolution into effect. + +"If I don't do it now while I'm strong," she told herself, "if I wait, I +never will do it." + +Perhaps there was yet a touch of the hysterical in her actions even +then. The jangled feminine nerves were yet vibrating far above their +normal pitch; she was overwrought and oversensitive, for just as a +fanatic rushes eagerly upon the fire and the steel, preferring the more +exquisite torture, so Lloyd sought out the more painful situation, the +more trying ordeal, the line of action that called for the greatest +fortitude, the most unflinching courage. + +She chose to make known her real position, to correct the false +impression at a time when all the nurses of the house should be +together. This would be at supper-time. Since her return from Medford, +Lloyd had shut herself away from the other inmates of the house, and had +taken her meals in her room. With the exception of Miss Douglass and the +superintendent nurse no one had seen her. She had passed her time lying +at full length upon her couch, her hands clasped behind her head, or +pacing the floor, or gazing listlessly out of her windows, while her +thoughts raced at a gallop through her mind. + +Now, however, she bestirred herself. She had arrived at her final +decision early in the afternoon of the third day after her return, and +at once she resolved that she would endure the ordeal that very evening. + +She passed the intervening time, singularly enough, in very carefully +setting her room to rights, adjusting and readjusting the few ornaments +on the mantel-shelf and walls, winding the clock that struck ship's +bells instead of the hours, and minutely sorting the letters and papers +in her desk. It was the same as if she were going upon a long journey or +were preparing for a great sickness. Toward four o'clock Miss Douglass, +looking in to ask how she did, found her before her mirror carefully +combing and arranging her great bands and braids of dark-red hair. The +fever nurse declared that she was immensely improved in appearance, and +asked at once if she was not feeling better. + +"Yes," answered Lloyd, "very much better," adding: "I shall be down to +supper to-night." + +For some reason that she could not explain Lloyd took unusual pains with +her toilet, debating long over each detail of dress and ornament. At +length, toward five o'clock, she was ready, and sat down by her window, +a book in her lap, to await the announcement of supper as the condemned +await the summons to execution. + +Her plan was to delay her appearance in the dining-room until she was +sure that everybody was present; then she would go down, and, standing +there before them all, say what she had to say, state the few bald facts +of the case, without excuse or palliation, and leave them to draw the +one inevitable conclusion. + +But this final hour of waiting was a long agony for Lloyd. Her moods +changed with every moment; the action she contemplated presented itself +to her mind in a multitude of varying lights. At one time she quivered +with the apprehension of it, as though at the slow approach of hot +irons. At another she could see no reason for being greatly concerned +over the matter. Did the whole affair amount to so much, after all? Her +companions would, of their own accord, make excuses for her. Risking +one's life in the case of a virulent, contagious disease was no small +matter. No one could be blamed for leaving such a case. At one moment +Lloyd's idea of public confession seemed to her little less than +sublime; at another, almost ridiculous. But she remembered the case of +Harriet Freeze, who had been unable to resist the quiet, unexpressed +force of opinion of her fellow-workers. It would be strange if Lloyd +should find herself driven from the very house she had built. + +The hour before supper-time seemed interminable; the quarter passed, +then the half, then the three-quarters. Lloyd imagined she began to +detect a faint odour of the kitchen in the air. Suddenly the remaining +minutes of the hour began to be stricken from the dial of her clock with +bewildering rapidity. From the drawing-room immediately below came the +sounds of the piano. That was Esther Thielman, no doubt, playing one of +her interminable Polish compositions. All at once the piano stopped, +and, with a quick sinking of the heart, Lloyd heard the sliding doors +separating the drawing-room from the dining-room roll back. Miss +Douglass and another one of the nurses, Miss Truslow, a young girl, a +newcomer in the house, came out of the former's room and went +downstairs, discussing the merits of burlap as preferable to wall-paper. +Lloyd even heard Miss Truslow remark: + +"Yes, that's very true, but if it isn't sized it will wrinkle in damp +weather." + +Rownie came to Lloyd's door and knocked, and, without waiting for a +reply, said: + +"Dinneh's served, Miss Searight," and Lloyd heard her make the same +announcement at Miss Bergyn's room farther down the hall. One by one +Lloyd heard the others go downstairs. The rooms and hallways on the +second floor fell quiet. A faint, subdued murmur of talk came to her +ears in the direction of the dining-room. Lloyd waited for five, for +ten, for fifteen minutes. Then she rose, drawing in her breath, +straightening herself to her full height. She went to the door, then +paused for a moment, looking back at all the familiar objects--the +plain, rich furniture, the book-shelves, the great, comfortable couch, +the old-fashioned round mirror that hung between the windows, and her +writing-desk of blackened mahogany. It seemed to her that in some way +she was never to see these things again, as if she were saying good-bye +to them and to the life she had led in that room and in their +surroundings. She would be a different woman when she came back to that +room. Slowly she descended the stairs and halted for a moment in the +hall below. It was not too late to turn back even now. She could hear +her companions at their supper very plainly, and could distinguish +Esther Thielman's laugh as she exclaimed: + +"Why, of course, that's the very thing I mean." + +It was a strange surprise that Lloyd had in store for them all. Her +heart began to beat heavy and thick. Could she even find her voice to +speak when the time came? Would it not be better to put it off, to think +over the whole matter again between now and to-morrow morning? But she +moved her head impatiently. No, she would not turn back. She found that +the sliding doors in the drawing-room had been closed, and so went to +the door that opened into the dining-room from the hall itself. It stood +ajar. Lloyd pushed it open, entered, and, closing the door behind her, +stood there leaning against it. + +The table was almost full; only two or three places besides her own were +unoccupied. There was Miss Bergyn at the head; the fever nurse, Miss +Douglass, at her right, and, lower down, Lloyd saw Esther Thielman; +Delia Craig, just back from a surgical case of Dr. Street's; Miss Page, +the oldest and most experienced nurse of them all; Gilbertson, whom +every one called by her last name; Miss Ives and Eleanor Bogart, who had +both taken doctors' degrees, and could have practised if they had +desired; Miss Wentworth, who had served an apprenticeship in a +missionary hospital in Armenia, and had known Clara Barton, and, last of +all, the newcomer, Miss Truslow, very young and very pretty, who had +never yet had a case, and upon whose diploma the ink was hardly dry. + +At first, so quietly had she entered, no one took any notice of Lloyd, +and she stood a moment, her back to the door, wondering how she should +begin. Everybody seemed to be in the best of humour; a babel of talk was +in the air; conversations were going forward, carried on across the +table, or over intervening shoulders. + +"Why, of course, don't you see, that's the very thing I meant--" + +"--I think you can get that already sized, though, and with a stencil +figure if you want it--" + +"--Really, it's very interesting; the first part is stupid, but she has +some very good ideas." + +"--Yes, at Vanoni's. But we get a reduction, you know--" + +"--and, oh, listen; this is too funny; she turned around and said, very +prim and stiff, 'No, indeed; I'm too old a woman.' Funny! If I think of +that on my deathbed I shall laugh--" + +"--and so that settled it. How could I go on after that--?" + +"--Must you tack it on? The walls are so hard--" + +"Let Rownie do it; she knows. Oh, here's the invalid!" + +"Oh, why, it's Lloyd! We're so glad you're able to come down!" + +But when they had done exclaiming over her reappearance among them Lloyd +still remained as she was, her back against the door, standing very +straight, her hands at her side. She did not immediately reply. Heads +were turned in her direction. The talk fell away by rapid degrees as +they began to notice the paleness of her face and the strange, firm set +of her mouth. + +"Sit down, Lloyd," said Miss Bergyn; "don't stand. You are not very well +yet; I'll have Rownie bring you a glass of sherry." + +There was a silence. Then at length: + +"No," said Lloyd quietly. "I don't want any sherry. I don't want any +supper. I came down to tell you that you are all wrong in thinking I did +what I could with my typhoid case at Medford. You think I left only +after the patient had died. I did not; I left before. There was a crisis +of some kind. I don't know what it was, because I was not in the +sick-room at the time, and I did not go when I was called. The doctor +was not there either; he had gone out and left the case in my charge. +There was nobody with the patient but a servant. The servant called me, +but I did not go. Instead I came away and left the house. The patient +died that same day. It is that that I wanted to tell you. Do you all +understand--perfectly? I left my patient at the moment of a crisis, and +with no one with him but a servant. And he died that same afternoon." + +Then she went out, and the closing of the door jarred sharply upon the +great silence that had spread throughout the room. + +Lloyd went back to her room, closed and locked the door, and, sinking +down upon the floor by the couch, bowed her head upon her folded arms. +But she was in no mood for weeping, and her eyes were dry. She was +conscious chiefly that she had taken an irrevocable step, that her head +had begun to ache. There was no exhilaration in her mind now; she did +not feel any of the satisfaction of attainment after struggle, of +triumph after victory. More than once she even questioned herself if, +after all, her confession had been necessary. But now she was weary unto +death of the whole wretched business. Now she only knew that her head +was aching fiercely; she did not care either to look into the past or +forward into the future. The present occupied her; for the present her +head was aching. + +But before Lloyd went to bed that night Miss Bergyn knew the whole truth +as to what had happened at Dr. Pitts's house. The superintendent nurse +had followed Lloyd to her room almost immediately, and would not be +denied. She knew very well that Lloyd Searight had never left a dying +patient of her own volition. Intuitively she guessed at something +hidden. + +"Lloyd," she said decisively, "don't ask me to believe that you went of +your own free will. Tell me just what happened. Why did you go? Ask me +to believe anything but that you--no, I won't say the word. There was +some very good reason, wasn't there?" + +"I--I cannot explain," Lloyd answered. "You must think what you choose. +You wouldn't understand." + +But, happily, when Lloyd's reticence finally broke Miss Bergyn did +understand. The superintendent nurse knew Bennett only by report. But +Lloyd she had known for years, and realised that if she had yielded, it +had only been after the last hope had been tried. In the end Lloyd told +her everything that had occurred. But, though she even admitted +Bennett's affection for her, she said nothing about herself, and Miss +Bergyn did not ask. + +"I know, of course," said the superintendent nurse at length, "you hate +to think that you were made to go; but men are stronger than women, +Lloyd, and such a man as that must be stronger than most men. You were +not to blame because you left the case, and you are certainly not to +blame for Mr. Ferriss's death. Now I shall give it out here in the house +that you had a very good reason for leaving your case, and that while we +can't explain it any more particularly, I have had a talk with you and +know all about it, and am perfectly satisfied. Then I shall go out to +Medford and see Dr. Pitts. It would be best," she added, for Lloyd had +made a gesture of feeble dissent. "He must understand perfectly, and we +need not be afraid of any talk about the matter at all. What has +happened has happened 'in the profession,' and I don't believe it will +go any further." + + * * * * * + +Lloyd returned to Bannister toward the end of the week. How long she +would remain she did not know, but for the present the association of +the other nurses was more than she was able to bear. Later, when the +affair had become something of an old story, she would return, resuming +her work as though nothing had happened. + +Hattie met her at the railway station with the phaeton and the ponies. +She was radiant with delight at the prospect of having Lloyd all to +herself for an indefinite period of time. + +"And you didn't get sick, after all?" she exclaimed, clasping her hands. +"Was your patient as sick as I was? Weren't his parents glad that you +made him well again?" + +Lloyd put her hand over the little girl's mouth. + +"Let us not talk any 'shop,' Hattie," she said, trying to smile. + +But on the morning after her arrival Lloyd woke in her own white room of +the old farmhouse, abruptly conscious of some subtle change that had +occurred to her overnight. For the first time since the scene in the +breakfast-room at Medford she was aware of a certain calmness that had +come to her. Perhaps she had at last begun to feel the good effects of +the trial by fire which she had voluntarily undergone--to know a certain +happiness that now there was no longer any deceit in her heart. This she +had uprooted and driven out by force of her own will. It was gone. But +now, on this morning, she seemed to feel that this was not all. + +Something else had left her--something that of late had harassed her and +goaded her and embittered her life, and mocked at her gentleness and +kindness, was gone. That fierce, truculent hatred that she had so +striven to put from her, now behold! of its own accord, it had seemed to +leave her. How had it happened? Before she had dared the ordeal of +confession this feeling of hatred, this perverse and ugly changeling +that had brooded in her heart, had seemed too strong, too deeply seated +to be moved. Now, suddenly, it had departed, unbidden, without effort on +her part. + +Vaguely Lloyd wondered at this thing. In driving deceit from her it +would appear that she had also driven out hatred, that the one could not +stay so soon as the other had departed. Could the one exist apart from +the other? Was there, then, some strange affinity in all evil, as, +perhaps, in all good, so that a victory over one bad impulse meant a +victory over many? Without thought of gain or of reward, she had held to +what was right through the confusion and storm and darkness. Was this to +be, after all, her reward, her gain? Possibly; but she could not tell, +she could not see. The confusion was subsiding, the storm had passed, +but much of the darkness yet remained. Deceit she had fought from out +her heart; silently Hatred had stolen after it. Love had not returned to +his old place, and never, never would, but the changeling was gone, and +the house was swept and garnished. + + + + +VIII. + + +The day after the funeral, Bennett returned alone to Dr. Pitts's house +at Medford, and the same evening his trunks and baggage, containing his +papers--the records, observations, journals, and log-books of the +expedition--followed him. + +As Bennett entered the gate of the place that he had chosen to be his +home for the next year, he was aware that the windows of one of the +front rooms upon the second floor were wide open, the curtains tied up +into loose knots; inside a servant came and went, putting the room to +rights again, airing it and changing the furniture. In the road before +the house he had seen the marks of the wheels of the undertaker's wagon +where it had been backed up to the horse-block. As he closed the front +door behind him and stood for a moment in the hallway, his valise in his +hand, he saw, hanging upon one of the pegs of the hat-rack, the hat +Ferriss had last worn. Bennett put down his valise quickly, and, +steadying himself against the wall, leaned heavily against it, drawing a +deep breath, his eyes closing. + +The house was empty and, but for the occasional subdued noises that came +from the front room at the end of the hall, silent. Bennett picked up +his valise again and went upstairs to the rooms that had been set apart +for him. He did not hang his hat upon the hat-rack, but carried it with +him. + +The housekeeper, who met him at the head of the stairs and showed him +the way to his apartments, inquired of him as to the hours he wished to +have his meals served. Bennett told her, and then added: + +"I will have all my meals in the breakfast-room, the one you call the +glass-room, I believe. And as soon as the front room is ready I shall +sleep there. That will be my room after this." + +The housekeeper stared. "It won't be quite safe, sir, for some time. The +doctor gave very strict orders about ventilating it and changing the +furniture." + +Bennett merely nodded as if to say he understood, and the housekeeper +soon after left him to himself. The afternoon passed, then the evening. +Such supper as Bennett could eat was served according to his orders in +the breakfast-room. Afterward he called Kamiska, and went for a long +walk over the country roads in a direction away from the town, +proceeding slowly, his hands clasped behind his back. Later, toward ten +o'clock, he returned. He went upstairs toward his room with the +half-formed idea of looking over and arranging his papers before going +to bed. Sleep he could not; he foresaw that clearly. + +But Bennett was not yet familiar with the arrangement of the house. His +mind was busy with other things; he was thoughtful, abstracted, and upon +reaching the stair landing on the second floor, turned toward the front +of the house when he should have turned toward the rear. He entered what +he supposed to be his room, lit the gas, then stared about him in some +perplexity. + +The room he was in was almost bare of furniture. Even part of the carpet +had been taken up. The windows were wide open; a stale odour of drugs +pervaded the air, while upon the bed nothing remained but the mattress +and bolster. For a moment Bennett looked about him bewildered, then he +started sharply. This was--had been--the sick-room. Here, upon that bed, +Ferriss had died; here had been enacted one scene in the terrible drama +wherein he, Bennett, had played so conspicuous a part. + +As Bennett stood there looking about him, one hand upon the foot-board of +the bed, a strange, formless oppression of the spirit weighed heavily +upon him. He seemed to see upon that naked bed the wasted, +fever-stricken body of the dearest friend he had ever known. It was as +though Ferriss were lying in state there, with black draperies hung +about the bier and candles burning at the head and foot. Death had been +in that room. Empty though it was, a certain religious solemnity, almost +a certain awe, seemed to bear down upon the senses. Before he knew it +Bennett found himself kneeling at the denuded bed, his face buried, his +arms flung wide across the place where Ferriss had last reposed. + +He could not say how long he remained thus--perhaps ten minutes, perhaps +an hour. He seemed to come to himself once more when he stepped out into +the hall again, closing and locking the door of the death-room behind +him. But now all thought of work had left him. In the morning he would +arrange his papers. It was out of the question to think of sleep. He +descended once more to the lower floor of the silent house, and stepped +out again into the open air. + +On the veranda, close beside him, was a deep-seated wicker arm-chair. +Bennett sank down into it, drawing his hands wearily across his +forehead. The stillness of a summer night had settled broadly over the +vast, dim landscape. There was no moon; all the stars were out. Very far +off a whippoorwill was calling incessantly. Once or twice from the +little orchard close at hand an apple dropped with a faint rustle of +leaves and a muffled, velvety impact upon the turf. Kamiska, wide awake, +sat motionless upon her haunches on the steps, looking off into the +night, cocking an ear to every faintest sound. + +Well, Ferriss was dead, and he, Bennett, was responsible. His friend, +the man whom most he loved, was dead. The splendid fight he had made for +his life during that ferocious struggle with the Ice had been all of no +effect. Without a murmur, without one complaint he had borne starvation, +the bitter arctic cold, privation beyond words, the torture of the frost +that had gnawed away his hands, the blinding fury of the snow and wind, +the unceasing and incredible toil with sledge and pack--all the terrible +hardship of an unsuccessful attempt to reach the Pole, only to die +miserably in his bed, alone, abandoned by the man and woman whom, of all +people of the world, he had most loved and trusted. And he, Bennett, had +been to blame. + +Was Ferriss conscious during that last moment? Did he know; would he, +sometime, somewhere, know? It could not be said. Forever that must +remain a mystery. And, after all, had Bennett done right in keeping +Lloyd from the sick-room? Now that all was over, now that the whole +fearful tragedy could be judged somewhat calmly and in the light of +reason, the little stealthy doubt began to insinuate itself. + +At first he had turned from it, raging and furious, stamping upon it as +upon an intruding reptile. The rough-hewn, simple-natured man, with his +arrogant and vast self-confidence, his blind, unshaken belief in the +wisdom of his own decisions, had never in his life before been willing +to admit that he could be mistaken, that it was possible for him to +resolve upon a false line of action. He had always been right. But now a +change had come. A woman had entangled herself in the workings of his +world, the world that hitherto had been only a world of men for him--and +now he faltered, now he questioned himself, now he scrutinised his +motives, now the simple became complicated, the straight crooked, right +mingled with wrong, bitter with sweet, falseness with truth. + +He who had faith in himself to remove mountains, he who could drive his +fellow-men as a herder drives his sheep, he who had forced the vast grip +of the Ice, had, with a battering ram's force, crushed his way through +those terrible walls, shattered and breached and broken down the +barriers, now in this situation involving a woman--had he failed? Had he +weakened? And bigger, stronger, and more persistently doubt intruded +itself into his mind. + +Hitherto Bennett's only salvation from absolute despair had been the +firm consciousness of his own rectitude. In that lay his only comfort, +his only hope, his one, strong-built fabric of defence. If that was +undermined, if that was eaten away, what was there left for him? +Carefully, painfully, and with such minuteness as he could command, he +went over the whole affair from beginning to end, forcing his unwilling +mind--so unaccustomed to such work--to weigh each chance, to gauge each +opportunity. If _this_ were so, if _that_ had been done, then would +_such_ results have followed? Suppose he had not interfered, suppose he +had stood aside, would Lloyd have run such danger, after all, and would +Ferriss at this time have been alive, and perhaps recovering? Had he, +Bennett, been absolutely mad; had he been blind and deaf to reason; had +he acted the part of a brute--a purblind, stupid, and unutterably +selfish brute--thinking chiefly of himself, after all, crushing the +woman who was so dear to him, sacrificing the life of the man he loved, +blundering in there, besotted and ignorant, acting the bully's part, +unnecessarily frightened, cowardly where he imagined himself brave; +weak, contemptibly weak, where he imagined himself strong? Might it not +have been avoided if he had been even merely reasonable, as, in like +case, an ordinary man would have been? He, who prided himself upon the +promptness and soundness of his judgment in great crises, had lost his +head and all power of self-control in this greatest crisis of all. + +The doubt came back to him again and again. Trample it, stifle it, dash +it from him as he would, each time it returned a little stronger, a +little larger, a little more insistent. Perhaps, after all, he had made +a mistake; perhaps, after all, Lloyd ran no great danger; perhaps, after +all, Ferriss might now have been alive. All at once Bennett seemed to be +sure of this. + +Then it became terrible. Alone there, in the darkness and in the night, +Bennett went down into the pit. Abruptly he seemed to come to +himself--to realise what he had done, as if rousing from a nightmare. +Remorse, horror, self-reproach, the anguish of bereavement, the infinite +regret of things that never were to be again, the bitterness of a +vanished love, self-contempt too abject for expression, the +heart-breaking grief of the dreadful might-have-been, one by one, he +knew them all. One by one, like the slow accumulation of gigantic +burdens, the consequences of his folly descended upon him, heavier, more +intolerably, more inexorably fixed with every succeeding moment, while +the light of truth and reason searched every corner of his mind, and his +doubt grew and hardened into certainty. + +If only Bennett could have believed that, in spite of what had happened, +Lloyd yet loved him, he could have found some ray of light in the +darkness wherein he groped, some saving strength to bear the weight of +his remorse and sorrow. But now, just in proportion as he saw clearer +and truer he saw that he must look for no help in that direction. Being +what Lloyd was, it was impossible for her, even though she wished it, to +love him now--love the man who had broken her! The thought was +preposterous. He remembered clearly that she had warned him of just +this. No, that, too, the one sweetness of his rugged life, he must put +from him as well--had already, and of his own accord, put from him. + +How go on? Of what use now was ambition, endeavour, and the striving to +attain great ends? The thread of his life was snapped; his friend was +dead, and the love of the one woman of his world. For both he was to +blame. Of what avail was it now to continue his work? + +Ferriss was dead. Who now would stand at his side when the darkness +thickened on ahead and obstacles drew across the path and Death overhead +hung poised and menacing? + +Lloyd's love for him was dead. Who now to bid him godspeed as his +vessel's prow swung northward and the water whitened in her wake? Who +now to wait behind when the great fight was dared again, to wait behind +and watch for his home-coming; and when the mighty hope had been +achieved, the goal of all the centuries attained, who now to send that +first and dearest welcome out to him when the returning ship showed over +the horizon's rim, flagged from her decks to her crosstrees in all the +royal blazonry of an immortal triumph? + +Now, that triumph was never to be for him. Ambition, too, was dead; some +other was to win where now he could but lose, to gain where now he could +but fail; some other stronger than he, more resolute, more determined. +At last Bennett had come to this, he who once had been so imperial in +the consciousness of his power, so arrogant, so uncompromising. Beaten, +beaten at last; defeated, daunted, driven from his highest hopes, +abandoning his dearest ambitions. And how, and why? Not by the Enemy he +had so often faced and dared, not by any power external to himself; but +by his very self's self, crushed by the engine he himself had set in +motion, shattered by the recoil of the very force that for so long had +dwelt within himself. Nothing in all the world could have broken him but +that. Danger, however great, could not have cowed him; circumstances, +however hopeless, could not have made him despair; obstacles, however +vast, could not have turned him back. Himself was the only Enemy that +could have conquered; his own power the only one to which he would have +yielded. And fate had so ordered it that this one Enemy of all others, +this one power of all others, had turned upon and rent him. The mystery +of it! The terror of it! Why had he never known? How was it he had never +guessed? What was this ruthless monster, this other self, that for so +long had slept within his flesh, strong with his better strength, +feeding and growing big with that he fancied was the best in him, that +tricked him with his noblest emotion--the love of a good woman--lured +him to a moment of weakness, then suddenly, and without warning, leaped +at his throat and struck him to the ground? + +He had committed one of those offences which the law does not reach, but +whose punishment is greater than any law can inflict. Retribution had +been fearfully swift. His career, Ferriss, and Lloyd--ambition, +friendship, and the love of a woman--had been a trinity of dominant +impulses in his life. Abruptly, almost in a single instant, he had lost +them all, had thrown them away. He could never get them back. Bennett +started sharply. What was this on his cheek; what was this that suddenly +dimmed his eyes? Had it actually come to this? And this was +he--Bennett--the same man who had commanded the Freja expedition. No, it +was not the same man. That man was dead. He ground his teeth, shaken +with the violence of emotions that seemed to be tearing his heart to +pieces. Lost, lost to him forever! Bennett bowed his head upon his +folded arms. Through his clenched teeth his words seemed almost wrenched +from him, each word an agony. + +"Dick--Dick, old man, you're gone, gone from me, and it was I who did +it; and Lloyd, she too--she--God help me!" + +Then the tension snapped. The great, massive frame shook with grief from +head to heel, and the harsh, angular face, with its salient jaw and +hard, uncouth lines, was wet with the first tears he had ever known. + +He was roused at length by a sudden movement on the part of the dog. +Kamiska had risen to her feet with a low growl, then, as the gate-latch +clinked, she threw up her head and gave tongue to the night with all the +force of her lungs. Bennett straightened up, thanking fortune that the +night was dark, and looked about him. A figure was coming up the front +walk, the gravel crunching under foot. It was the figure of a man. At +the foot of the steps of the veranda he paused, and as Bennett made a +movement turned in his direction and said: + +"Is this Dr. Pitts's house?" + +Bennett's reply was drowned in the clamour of the dog, but the other +seemed to understand, for he answered: + +"I'm looking for Mr. Ferriss--Richard Ferriss, of the Freja; they told +me he was brought here." + +Kamiska stopped her barking, sniffed once or twice at the man's trouser +legs; then, in brusque frenzy of delight, leaped against him, licking +his hands, dancing about him on two legs, whining and yelping. + +Bennett came forward, and the man changed his position so that the light +from the half-open front door shone upon his face. + +"Why, Adler!" exclaimed Bennett; "well, where did you come from?" + +"Mr. Bennett!" almost shouted the other, snatching off his cap. "It +ain't really you, sir!" His face beamed and radiated a joy little short +of beatitude. The man was actually trembling with happiness. Words +failed him, and as with a certain clumsy tenderness he clasped Bennett's +hand in both his own his old-time chief saw the tears in his eyes. + +"Oh! Maybe I ain't glad to see you, sir--I thought you had gone away--I +didn't know where--I--I didn't know as I was ever going to see you +again." + +Kamiska herself had been no less tremulously glad to see Adler than was +Adler to see Bennett. He stammered, he confused himself, he shifted his +weight from one foot to the other, his eyes danced, he laughed and +choked, he dropped his cap. His joy was that of a child, unrestrained, +unaffected, as genuine as gold. When they turned back to the veranda he +eagerly drew up Bennett's chair for him, his eyes never leaving his +face. It was the quivering, inarticulate affection of a dog for its +master, faithful, submissive, unquestioning, happy for hours over a +chance look, a kind word, a touch of the hand. To Adler's mind it would +have been a privilege and an honour to have died for Bennett. Why, he +was his chief, his king, his god, his master, who could do no wrong. +Bennett could have slain him where he stood and Adler would still have +trusted him. + +Adler would not sit down until Bennett had twice ordered him to do so, +and then he deposited himself in a nearby chair, in as uncomfortable a +position as he could devise, allowing only the smallest fraction of his +body to be supported as a mark of deference. He remained uncovered, and +from time to time nervously saluted. But suddenly he remembered the +object of his visit. + +"Oh, but I forgot--seeing you like this, unexpected, sir, clean drove +Mr. Ferriss out of my mind. How is he getting on? I saw in the papers he +was main sick." + +"He's dead," said Bennett quietly. + +Adler was for the moment stricken speechless. His jaw dropped; he +stared, and caught his breath. + +"Mr. Ferriss dead!" he exclaimed at length. "I--I can't believe it." He +crossed himself rapidly. Bennett made no reply, and for upward of five +minutes the two men sat motionless in the chairs, looking off into the +night. After a while Adler broke silence and asked a few questions as to +Ferriss's sickness and the nature and time of his death--questions which +Bennett answered as best he might. But it was evident that Bennett, +alive and present there in the flesh, was more to Adler than Ferriss +dead. + +"But _you're_ all right, sir, ain't you?" he asked at length. "There +ain't anything the matter with you?" + +"No," said Bennett; looking at him steadily; then suddenly he added: + +"Adler, I was to blame for Mr. Ferriss's death. If it hadn't been for me +he would probably have been alive to-night. It was my fault. I did what +I thought was right, when I knew all the time, just as I know now, that +I was wrong. So, when any one asks you about Mr. Ferriss's death you are +to tell him just what you know about it--understand? Through a mistake I +was responsible for his death. I shall not tell you more than that, but +that much you ought to know." + +Adler looked at Bennett curiously and with infinite amazement. The order +of his universe was breaking up about his ears. Bennett, the +inscrutable, who performed his wonders in a mystery, impenetrable to +common eyes, who moved with his head in the clouds, behold! he was +rendering account to him, Adler, the meanest of his subjects--the king +was condescending to the vassal, was admitting him to his confidence. +And what was this thing he was saying, that he was responsible for +Ferriss's death? Adler did not understand; his wits could not adjust +themselves to such information. Ferriss was dead, but how was Bennett to +blame? The king could do no wrong. Adler did not understand. No doubt +Bennett was referring to something that had happened during the retreat +over the ice--something that had to be done, and that in the end, and +after all this lapse of time, had brought about Mr. Ferriss's death. In +any case Bennett had done what was right. For that matter he had been +responsible for McPherson's death; but what else had there been to do? + +Bennett had spoken as he did after a moment's rapid thinking. To Adler's +questions as to the manner of the chief engineer's death Bennett had at +first given evasive replies. But a sudden sense of shame at being +compelled to dissemble before a subordinate had lashed him across the +face. True, he had made a mistake--a fearful, unspeakable mistake--but +at least let him be man enough to face and to accept its consequences. +It might not be necessary or even expedient to make acknowledgment of +his folly in all quarters, but at that moment it seemed to him that his +men--at least one of them--who had been under the command of himself and +his friend, had a right to be told the truth. It had been only one +degree less distasteful to undeceive Adler than it had been to deceive +him in the first place. Bennett was not the general to explain his +actions to his men. But he had not hesitated a moment. + +However, Adler was full of another subject, and soon broke out with: + +"You know, sir, there's another expedition forming; I suppose you have +heard--an English one. They call it the Duane-Parsons expedition. They +are going to try the old route by Smith Sound. They are going to winter +at Tasiusak, and try to get through the sound as soon as the ice breaks +up in the spring. But Duane's ideas are all wrong. He'll make no very +high northing, not above eighty-five. I'll bet a hat. When we go up +again, sir, will you--will you let me--will you take me along? Did I +give satisfaction this last--" + +"I'm never going up again, Adler," answered Bennett. + +"Sho!" said Adler a little blankly. "I thought sure--I never thought +that you--why, there ain't no one else but you _can_ do it, captain." + +"Oh, yes, there is," said Bennett listlessly. "Duane can--if he has +luck. I know him. He's a good man. No, I'm out of it, Adler; I had my +chance. It is somebody else's turn now. Do you want to go with Duane? I +can give you letters to him. He'd be glad to have you, I know." + +Adler started from his place. + +"Why, do you think--" he exclaimed vehemently--"do you think I'd go with +anybody else but you, sir? Oh, you will be going some of these days, I'm +sure of it. We--we'll have another try at it, sir, before we die. We +ain't beaten yet." + +"Yes, we are, Adler," returned Bennett, smiling calmly; "we'll stay at +home now and write our book. But we'll let some one else reach the Pole. +That's not for us--never will be, Adler." + +At the end of their talk some half-hour later Adler stood up, remarking: + +"Guess I'd better be standing by if I'm to get the last train back to +the City to-night. They told me at the station that she'd clear about +midnight." Suddenly he began to show signs of uneasiness, turning his +cap about between his fingers, changing his weight from foot to foot. +Then at length: + +"You wouldn't be wanting a man about the place, would you, sir?" And +before Bennett could reply he continued eagerly, "I've been a bit of +most trades in my time, and I know how to take care of a garden like as +you have here; I'm a main good hand with plants and flower things, and I +could help around generally." Then, earnestly, "Let me stay, sir--it +won't cost--I wouldn't think of taking a cent from you, captain. Just +let me act as your orderly for a spell, sir. I'd sure give satisfaction; +will you, sir--will you?" + +"Nonsense, Adler," returned Bennett; "stay, if you like. I presume I can +find use for you. But you must be paid, of course." + +"Not a soomarkee," protested the other almost indignantly. + +The next day Adler brought his chest down from the City and took up his +quarters with Bennett at Medford. Though Dr. Pitts had long since ceased +to keep horses, the stable still adjoined the house, and Adler swung his +hammock in the coachman's old room. Bennett could not induce him to room +in the house itself. Adler prided himself that he knew his place. After +their first evening's conversation he never spoke to Bennett until +spoken to first, and the resumed relationship of commander and +subordinate was inexpressibly dear to him. It was something to see Adler +waiting on the table in the "glass-room" in his blue jersey, standing at +attention at the door, happy in the mere sight of Bennett at his meals. +In the mornings, as soon as breakfast was ready, it was Adler's +privilege to announce the fact to Bennett, whom he usually found already +at work upon his writing. Returning thence to the dining-room, Adler +waited for his lord to appear. As soon as he heard Bennett's step in the +hall a little tremor of excitement possessed him. He ran to Bennett's +chair, drawing it back for him, and as soon as Bennett had seated +himself circled about him with all the pride and solicitude of a +motherly hen. He opened his napkin for him, delivered him his paper, and +pushed his cup of coffee a half-inch nearer his hand. Throughout the +duration of the meal he hardly took his eyes from Bennett's face, +watching his every movement with a glow of pride, his hands gently +stroking one another in an excess of satisfaction and silent enjoyment. + +The days passed; soon a fortnight was gone by. Drearily, mechanically, +Bennett had begun work upon his book, the narrative of the expedition. +It was repugnant to him. Long since he had lost all interest in polar +exploration. As he had said to Adler, he was out of it, finally and +irrevocably. His bolt was shot; his role upon the stage of the world was +ended. He only desired now to be forgotten as quickly as possible, to +lapse into mediocrity as easily and quietly as he could. Fame was +nothing to him now. The thundering applause of an entire world that had +once been his was mere noise, empty and meaningless. He did not care to +reawaken it. The appearance of his book he knew was expected and waited +for in every civilised nation of the globe. It would be printed in +languages whereof he was ignorant, but it was all one with him now. + +The task of writing was hateful to him beyond expression, but with such +determination as he could yet summon to his aid Bennett stuck to it, +eight, ten, and sometimes fourteen hours each day. In a way his +narrative was an atonement. Ferriss was its hero. Almost instinctively +Bennett kept the figure of himself, his own achievements, his own plans +and ideas, in the background. On more than one page he deliberately +ascribed to Ferriss triumphs which no one but himself had attained. It +was Ferriss who was the leader, the victor to whom all laurels were due. +It was Ferriss whose example had stimulated the expedition to its best +efforts in the darkest hours; it was, practically, Ferriss who had saved +the party after the destruction of the ship; whose determination, +unbroken courage, endurance, and intelligence had pervaded all minds and +hearts during the retreat to Kolyuchin Bay. + +"Though nominally in command," wrote Bennett, "I continually gave place +to him. Without his leadership we should all, unquestionably, have +perished before even reaching land. His resolution to conquer, at +whatever cost, was an inspiration to us all. Where he showed the way we +had to follow; his courage was never daunted, his hope was never dimmed, +his foresight, his intelligence, his ingenuity in meeting and dealing +with apparently unsolvable problems were nothing short of marvellous. +His was the genius of leadership. He was the explorer, born to his +work." + +One day, just after luncheon, as Bennett, according to his custom, was +walking in the garden by the house, smoking a cigar before returning to +his work, he was surprised to find himself bleeding at the nose. It was +but a trifling matter, and passed off in a few moments, but the fact of +its occurrence directed his attention to the state of his health, and he +told himself that for the last few days he had not been at all his +accustomed self. There had been dull pains in his back and legs; more +than once his head had pained him, and of late the continuance of his +work had been growing steadily more obnoxious to him, the very physical +effort of driving the pen from line to line was a burden. + +"Hum!" he said to himself later on in the day, when the bleeding at the +nose returned upon him, "I think we need a little quinine." + +But the next day he found he could not eat, and all the afternoon, +though he held doggedly to his work, he was troubled with nausea. At +times a great weakness, a relaxing of all the muscles, came over him. In +the evening he sent a note to Dr. Pitts's address in the City, asking +him to come down to Medford the next day. + + * * * * * + +On the Monday morning of the following week, some two hours after +breakfast, Lloyd met Miss Douglass on the stairs, dressed for the street +and carrying her nurse's bag. + +"Are you going out?" she asked of the fever nurse in some astonishment. +"Where are you going?" for Lloyd had returned to duty, and it was her +name that now stood at the top of the list; "I thought it was my turn to +go out," she added. + +Miss Douglass was evidently much confused. + +Her meeting with Lloyd had apparently been unexpected. She halted upon +the stairs in great embarrassment, stammering: + +"No--no, I'm on call. I--I was called out of my turn--specially +called--that was it." + +"Were you?" demanded Lloyd sharply, for the other nurse was disturbed to +an extraordinary degree. + +"Well, then; no, I wasn't, but the superintendent--Miss Bergyn--she +thought--she advised--you had better see her." + +"I will see her," declared Lloyd, "but don't you go till I find out why +I was skipped." + +Lloyd hurried at once to Miss Bergyn's room, indignant at this slight. +Surely, after what had happened, she was entitled to more consideration +than this. Of all the staff in the house she should have been the one to +be preferred. + +Miss Bergyn rose at Lloyd's sudden entrance into her room, and to her +question responded: + +"It was only because I wanted to spare you further trouble and--and +embarrassment, Lloyd, that I told Miss Douglass to take your place. This +call is from Medford. Dr. Pitts was here himself this morning, and he +thought as I did." + +"Thought what? I don't understand." + +"It seemed to me," answered the superintendent nurse, "that this one +case of all others would be the hardest, the most disagreeable for you +to take. It seems that Mr. Bennett has leased Dr. Pitts's house from +him. He is there now. At the time when Mr. Ferriss was beginning to be +ill Mr. Bennett was with him a great deal and undertook to nurse him +till Dr. Pitts interfered and put a professional nurse on the case. +Since then, too, the doctor has found out that Mr. Bennett has exposed +himself imprudently. At any rate, in some way he has contracted the same +disease and is rather seriously ill with it. Dr. Pitts wants us to send +him a nurse at once. It just happened that it was your turn, and I +thought I had better skip your name and send Louise Douglass." + +Lloyd sank into a chair, her hands falling limply in her lap. A frown of +perplexity gathered on her forehead. But suddenly she exclaimed: + +"I know--that's all as it may be; but all the staff know that it is my +turn to go; everybody in the house knows who is on call. How will it +be--what will be thought when it is known that I haven't gone--and +after--after my failing once--after this--this other affair? No, I must +go. I, of all people, must go--and just because it is a typhoid case, +like the other." + +"But, Lloyd, how _can_ you?" + +True, how could she? Her patient would be the same man who had +humiliated her and broken her, had so cruelly misunderstood and wronged +her, for whom all her love was dead. How could she face him again? Yet +how refuse to take the case? How explain a second failure to her +companions? Lloyd made a little movement of distress, clasping her hands +together. How the complications followed fast upon each other! No sooner +was one difficult situation met and disposed of than another presented +itself. Bennett was nothing to her now, yet, for all that, she recoiled +instinctively from meeting him again. Not only must she meet him, but +she must be with him day after day, hour after hour, at his very side, +in all the intimacy that the sick-room involved. On the other hand, how +could she decline this case? The staff might condone one apparent and +inexplicable defection; another would certainly not be overlooked. But +was not this new situation a happy and unlooked-for opportunity to +vindicate her impaired prestige in the eyes of her companions? Lloyd +made up her mind upon the instant. She rose. + +"I shall take the case," she said. + +She was not a little surprised at herself. Hardly an instant had she +hesitated. On that other occasion when she had believed it right to make +confession to her associates it had been hard--at times almost +impossible--for her to do her duty as she saw and understood it. This +new complication was scarcely less difficult, but once having attained +the fine, moral rigour that had carried her through her former ordeal, +it became easy now to do right under all or any circumstances, however +adverse. If she had failed then, she certainly would have failed now. +That she had succeeded then made it all the easier to succeed now. Dimly +Lloyd commenced to understand that the mastery of self, the steady, firm +control of natural, intuitive impulses, selfish because natural, was a +progression. Each victory not only gained the immediate end in view, but +braced the mind and increased the force of will for the next shock, the +next struggle. She had imagined and had told herself that Bennett had +broken her strength for good. But was it really so? Had not defeat in +that case been only temporary? Was she not slowly getting back her +strength by an unflinching adherence to the simple, fundamental +principles of right, and duty, and truth? Was not the struggle with +one's self the greatest fight of all, greater, far greater, than had +been the conflict between Bennett's will and her own? + +Within the hour she found herself once again on her way to Medford. How +much had happened, through what changes had she passed since the +occasion of her first journey; and Bennett, how he, too, changed; how +different he had come to stand in her estimation! Once the thought that +he was in danger had been a constant terror to her, and haunted her days +and lurked at her side through many a waking night. Was it possible that +now his life or death was no more to her than that of any of her former +patients? She could not say; she avoided answering the question. +Certainly her heart beat no faster at this moment to know that he was in +the grip of a perilous disease. She told herself that her Bennett was +dead already; that she was coming back to Medford not to care for and +watch over the individual, but to combat the disease. + +When she arrived at the doctor's house in Medford, a strange-looking man +opened the door for her, and asked immediately if she was the nurse. + +"Yes," said Lloyd, "I am. Is Dr. Pitts here?" + +"Upstairs in his room," answered the other in a whisper, closing the +front door with infinite softness. "He won't let me go in, the doctor +won't; I--I ain't seen him in four days. Ask the doctor if I can't just +have a blink at him--just a little blink through the crack of the door. +Just think, Miss, I ain't seen him in four days! Just think of that! And +look here, they ain't giving him enough to eat--nothing but milk and +chicken soup with rice in it. He never did like rice; that's no kind of +rations for a sick man. I fixed him up a bit of duff yesterday, what he +used to like so much aboard ship, and Pitts wouldn't let him have it. He +regularly laughed in my face." + +Lloyd sent word to the doctor by the housekeeper that she had arrived, +and on going up found Pitts waiting for her at the door of the +sick-room, not that which had been occupied by Ferriss, but another--the +guest-chamber of the house, situated toward the rear of the building. + +"Why, I expected Miss Douglass!" exclaimed the doctor in a low voice as +soon as his eye fell upon Lloyd. "Any one of them but you!" + +"I had to come," Lloyd answered quietly, flushing hotly for all that. +"It was my turn, and it was not right for me to stay away." + +The doctor hesitated an instant, and then dismissed the subject, putting +his chin in the air as if to say that, after all, it was not his affair. + +"Well," he said, "it's queer to see how things will tangle themselves +sometimes. I don't know whether he took this thing from Ferriss or not. +Both of them were exposed to the same conditions when their expedition +went to pieces and they were taken off by the whaling ships--bad water, +weakened constitution, not much power of resistance; in prime condition +for the bacillus, and the same cause might have produced the same +effect; at any rate, he's in a bad way." + +"Is he--very bad?" asked Lloyd. + +"Well, he's not the hang-on sort that Mr. Ferriss was; nothing undecided +about Captain Ward Bennett; when he's sick, he's sick; rushes right at +it like a blind bull. He's as bad now as Mr. Ferriss was in his third +week." + +"Do you think he will recognise me?" + +The doctor shook his head. "No; delirious most of the time--of +course--regulation thing. If we don't keep the fever down he'll go out +sure. That's the danger in his case. Look at him yourself; here he is. +The devil! The animal is sitting up again." + +As Lloyd entered the room she saw Bennett sitting bolt upright in his +bed, staring straight before him, his small eyes, with their deforming +cast, open to their fullest extent, the fingers of his shrunken, bony +hands dancing nervously on the coverlet. A week's growth of stubble +blackened the lower part of his face. Without a moment's pause he +mumbled and muttered with astonishing rapidity, but for the most part +the words were undistinguishable. It was, indeed, not the same Bennett, +Lloyd had last seen. The great body was collapsed upon itself; the skin +of the face was like dry, brown parchment, and behind it the big, +massive bones stood out in great knobs and ridges. It needed but a +glance to know that here was a man dangerously near to his death. While +Lloyd was removing her hat and preparing herself for her work the doctor +got Bennett upon his back again and replenished the ice-pack about his +head. + +"Not much strength left in our friend now," he murmured. + +"How long has he been like this?" asked Lloyd as she arranged the +contents of her nurse's bag on a table near the window. + +"Pretty close to eight hours now. He was conscious yesterday morning, +however, for a little while, and wanted to know what his chances were." + +They were neither good nor many; the strength once so formidable was +ebbing away like a refluent tide, and that with ominous swiftness. +Stimulate the life as the doctor would, strive against the enemy's +advance as Lloyd might, Bennett continued to sink. + +"The devil of it is," muttered the doctor, "that he don't seem to care. +He had as soon give up as not. It's hard to save a patient that don't +want to save himself. If he'd fight for his life as he did in the +arctic, we could pull him through yet. Otherwise--" he shrugged his +shoulders almost helplessly. + +The next night toward nine o'clock Lloyd took the doctor's place at +their patient's bedside, and Pitts, without taking off his clothes, +stretched himself out upon the sofa in one of the rooms on the lower +floor of the house, with the understanding that the nurse was to call +him in case of any change. + +But as the doctor was groping his way down the darkened stairway he +stumbled against Adler and Kamiska. Adler was sitting on one of the +steps, and the dog was on her haunches close at his side; the two were +huddled together there in the dark, broad awake, shoulder to shoulder, +waiting, watching, and listening for the faint sounds that came at long +intervals from the direction of the room where Bennett lay. + +As the physician passed him Adler stood up and saluted: + +"Is he doing any better now, sir?" he whispered. + +"Nothing new," returned the other brusquely. "He may get well in three +weeks' time or he may die before midnight; so there you are. You know as +much about it as I do. Damn that dog!" + +He trod upon Kamiska, who forbore heroically to yelp, and went on his +way. Adler resumed his place on the stairs, sitting down gingerly, so +that the boards should not creak under his weight. He took Kamiska's +head between his hands and rocked himself gently to and fro. + +"What are we going to do, little dog?" he whispered. "What are we going +to do if--if our captain should--if he shouldn't--" he had no words to +finish. Kamiska took her place again by his side, and the two resumed +their vigil. + +Meanwhile, not fifty feet away, a low voice, monotonous and rapid, was +keeping up a continuous, murmuring flow of words. + +"That's well your number two sledge. All hands on the McClintock +now. You've got to do it, men. Forward, get forward, get forward; +get on to the south, always to the south--south, south, south!... +There, there's the ice again. That's the biggest ridge yet. At it +now! Smash through; I'll break you yet; believe me, I will! There, +we broke it! I knew you could, men. I'll pull you through. Now, +then, h'up your other sledge. Forward! There will be double rations +to-night all round--no--half-rations, quarter-rations.... No, +three-fifths of an ounce of dog-meat and a spoonful of alcohol--that's +all; that's all, men. Pretty cold night, this--minus thirty-eight. +Only a quarter of a mile covered to-day. Everybody suffering in their +feet, and so weak--and starving--and freezing." All at once the voice +became a wail. "My God! is it never going to end?... Sh--h, steady, +what was that? Who whimpered? Was that Ward Bennett? No whimpering, +whatever comes. Stick it out like men, anyway. Fight it out till we +drop, but no whimpering.... Who said there were steam whalers off +the floe? That's a lie! Forward, forward, get forward to the +south--no, not the south; to the _north_, to the north! We'll reach +it, we'll succeed; we're most there, men; come on, come on! I tell +you this time we'll reach it; one more effort, men! We're most +there! What's the latitude? Eighty-five-twenty--eighty-six." The +voice began to grow louder: "Come on, men; we're most there! +Eighty-seven--eighty-eight--eighty-nine-twenty-five!" He rose to a +sitting position. "Eighty-nine-thirty--eighty-nine-forty-five." Suddenly +the voice rose to a shout. "Ninety degrees! _By God, it's the Pole!_" + +The voice died away to indistinct mutterings. + +Lloyd was at the bedside by now, and quietly pressed Bennett down upon +his back. But as she did so a thrill of infinite pity and compassion +quivered through her. She had forced him down so easily. He was so +pitifully weak. Woman though she was, she could, with one small hand +upon his breast, control this man who at one time had been of such +colossal strength--such vast physical force. + +Suddenly Bennett began again. "Where's Ferriss? Where's Richard Ferriss? +Where's the chief engineer of the Freja Arctic Exploring Expedition?" + +He fell silent again, and but for the twitching, dancing hands, lay +quiet. Then he cried: + +"Attention to the roll-call!" + +Rapidly and in a low voice he began calling off the muster of the +Freja's men and officers, giving the answers himself. + +"Adler--here; Blair--here; Dahl--here; Fishbaugh--here; Hawes--here; +McPherson--here; Muck Tu--here; Woodward--here; Captain Ward +Bennett--here; Dr. Sheridan Dennison--here; Chief Engineer Richard +Ferriss--" no answer. Bennett waited for a moment, then repeated the +name, "Chief Engineer Richard Ferriss--" Again he was silent; but after +a few seconds he called aloud in agony of anxiety, "Chief Engineer +Richard Ferriss, answer to the roll-call!" + +Then once more he began; his disordered wits calling to mind a different +order of things: + +"Adler--here; Blair--died from exhaustion at Point Kane; Dahl--here; +Fishbaugh--starved to death on the march to Kolyuchin Bay; Hawes--died +of arctic fever at Cape Kammeni; McPherson--unable to keep up, and +abandoned at ninth camp; Muck Tu--here; Woodward--died from starvation +at twelfth camp; Dr. Sheridan Dennison--frozen to death at Kolyuchin +Bay; Chief Engineer Richard Ferriss--died by the act of his best friend, +Captain Ward Bennett!" Again and again Bennett repeated this phrase, +calling: "Richard Ferriss! Richard Ferriss!" and immediately adding in a +broken voice: "Died by the act of his best friend, Captain Ward +Bennett." Or at times it was only the absence of Ferriss that seemed to +torture him. He would call the roll, answering "here" to each name until +he reached Ferriss; then he would not respond, but instead would cry +aloud over and over again, in accents of the bitterest grief, "Richard +Ferriss, answer to the roll-call; Richard Ferriss, answer to the +roll-call--" Then suddenly, with a feeble, quavering cry, "For God's +sake, Dick, answer to the roll-call!" + +The hours passed. Ten o'clock struck, then eleven. At midnight Lloyd +took the temperature (which had decreased considerably) and the pulse, +and refilled the ice-pack about the head. Bennett was still muttering in +the throes of delirium, still calling for Ferriss, imploring him to +answer to the roll-call; or repeating the words: "Dick Ferriss, chief +engineer--died at the hands of his best friend, Ward Bennett," in tones +so pitiful, so heart-broken that more than once Lloyd felt the tears +running down her cheeks. + +"Richard Ferriss, Richard Ferriss, answer to the roll-call; Dick, old +man, won't you answer, won't you answer, old chap, when I call you? +Won't you come back and say 'It's all right?' Ferriss, Ferriss, answer +to my roll-call. ... Died at the hands of his best friend. ... At +Kolyuchin Bay. ... Killed, and I did it. ... Forward, men; you've got to +do it; snowing to-day and all the ice in motion. ... H'up y'r other +sledge. Come on with y'r number four; more pressure-ridges, I'll break +you yet! Come on with y'r number four! ... Lloyd Searight, what are you +doing in this room?" + +On the instant the voice had changed from confused mutterings to +distinct, clear-cut words. The transition was so sudden that Lloyd, at +the moment busy at her nurse's bag, her back to the bed, wheeled sharply +about to find Bennett sitting bolt upright, looking straight at her with +intelligent, wide-open eyes. Lloyd's heart for an instant stood still, +almost in terror. This sudden leap back from the darkness of delirium +into the daylight of consciousness was almost like a rising from the +dead, ghost-like, appalling. She caught her breath, trembling in spite +of her best efforts, and for an instant leaned a hand upon the table +behind her. + +But on Bennett's face, ghastly, ravaged by disease, with its vast, +protruding jaw, its narrow contracted forehead and unkempt growth of +beard, the dawning of intelligence and surprise swiftly gave place to an +expression of terrible anxiety and apprehension. + +"What are you doing here, Lloyd?" he cried. + +"Hush!" she answered quickly as she came forward; "above all things you +must not sit up; lie down again and don't talk. You are very sick." + +"I know, I know," he answered feebly. "I know what it is. But you must +leave here. It's a terrible risk every moment you stay in this room. I +want you to go. You understand--at once! Call the doctor. Don't come +near the bed," he went on excitedly, struggling to keep himself from +sinking back upon the pillows. His breath was coming quick; his eyes +were flashing. All the poor, shattered senses were aroused and quivering +with excitement and dread. + +"It will kill you to stay here," he continued, almost breathless. "Out +of this room!" he commanded. "Out of this house! It is mine now; I'm the +master here--do you understand? Don't!" he exclaimed as Lloyd put her +hands upon his shoulders to force him to lie down again. + +"Don't, don't touch me! Stand away from me!" + +He tried to draw back from her in the bed. Then suddenly he made a great +effort to rise, resisting her efforts. + +"I shall put you out, then," he declared, struggling against Lloyd's +clasp upon his shoulders, catching at her wrists. His excitement was so +intense, his fervour so great that it could almost be said he touched +the edge of his delirium again. + +"Do you hear, do you hear? Out of this room!" + +"No," said Lloyd calmly; "you must be quiet; you must try to go to +sleep. This time you cannot make me leave." + +He caught her by one arm, and, bracing himself with the other against +the headboard of the bed, thrust her back from him with all his might. + +"Keep away from me, I tell you; keep back! You shall do as I say! I have +always carried my point, and I shall not fail now. Believe me, I shall +not. You--you--" he panted as he struggled with her, ashamed of his +weakness, humiliated beyond words that she should know it. "I--you +shall--you will compel me to use force. Don't let it come to that." + +Calmly Lloyd took both his wrists in the strong, quiet clasp of one +palm, and while she supported his shoulders with her other arm, laid him +down among the pillows again as though he had been a child. + +"I'm--I'm a bit weak and trembly just now," he admitted, panting with +his exertion; "but, Lloyd, listen. I know how you must dislike me now, +but will you please go--go, go at once!" + +"No." + +What a strange spinning of the wheel of fate was here! In so short a +time had their mutual positions been reversed. Now it was she who was +strong and he who was weak. It was she who conquered and he who was +subdued. It was she who triumphed and he who was humiliated. It was he +who implored and she who denied. It was her will and no longer his that +must issue victorious from the struggle. + +And how complete now was Bennett's defeat! The very contingency he had +fought so desperately to avert and for which he had sacrificed +Ferriss--Lloyd's care of so perilous a disease--behold! the mysterious +turn of the wheel had brought it about, and now he was powerless to +resist. + +"Oh!" he cried, "have I not enough upon my mind already--Ferriss and his +death? Are you going to make me imperil your life too, and after I have +tried so hard? You must not stay here." + +"I shall stay," she answered. + +"I order you to go. This is my house. Send the doctor here. Where's +Adler?" Suddenly he fainted. + +An hour or two later, in the gray of the morning, at a time when Bennett +was sleeping quietly under the influence of opiates, Lloyd found herself +sitting at the window in front of the small table there, her head +resting on her hand, thoughtful, absorbed, and watching with but +half-seeing eyes the dawn growing pink over the tops of the apple-trees +in the orchard near by. + +The window was open just wide enough for the proper ventilation of the +room. For a long time she sat thus without moving, only from time to +time smoothing back the heavy, bronze-red hair from her temples and +ears. By degrees the thinking faculties of her brain, as it were, a +myriad of delicate interlacing wheels, slowly decreased in the rapidity +and intensity of their functions. She began to feel instead of to think. +As the activity of her mind lapsed to a certain pleasant numbness, a +vague, formless, nameless emotion seemed to be welling to the surface. +It was no longer a question of the brain. What then? Was it the heart? +She gave no name to this new emotion; it was too confused as yet, too +undefinable. A certain great sweetness seemed to be coming upon her, but +she could not say whether she was infinitely sad or supremely happy; a +smile was on her lips, and yet the tears began to brim in her dull-blue +eyes. + +She felt as if some long, fierce struggle, or series of struggles, were +at last accomplished; as if for a long period of time she had been +involved in the maze and tortuous passages of some gloomy cavern, but at +length, thence issuing, had again beheld the stars. A great tenderness, +a certain tremulous joy in all things that were true and good and right, +grew big and strong within her; the delight in living returned to her. +The dawn was brightening and flushing over all the world, and colour, +light, and warmth were coming back into her life. The night had been +still and mild, but now the first breath of the morning breeze stirred +in the trees, in the grass, in the flowers, and the thick, dew-drenched +bushes along the roadside, and a delicious aroma of fields and woods and +gardens came to her. The sweetness of life and the sweetness of those +things better than life and more enduring, the things that do not fail, +nor cease, nor vanish away, suddenly entered into that room and +descended upon her almost in the sense of a benediction, a visitation, +something mystic and miraculous. It was a moment to hope all things, to +believe all things, to endure all things. + +She caught her breath, listening--for what she did not know. Once again, +just as it had been in that other dawn, in that other room where the +Enemy had been conquered, the sense of some great happiness was in the +air, was coming to her swiftly. But now the greater Enemy had been +outfought, the morning of a greater day was breaking and spreading, and +the greatest happiness in the world was preparing for her. How it had +happened she did not know. Now was not the moment to think, to reason, +to reflect. It seemed as though the rushing of wings was all about her, +as though a light brighter than the day was just about to break upon her +sight, as though a music divinely beautiful was just about to burst upon +her ear. But the light was not for her eye; the music was not for her +ear. The radiance and the harmony came from herself, from within her. +The intellect was numb. Only the heart was alive on this wonderful +midsummer's morning, and it was in her heart that the radiance shone and +the harmony vibrated. Back in his place once more, high on his throne, +the love that she believed had forever departed from her sat exalted and +triumphant, singing to the cadence of that unheard music, shining and +magnificent in the glory of that new-dawned light. + +Would Bennett live? Suddenly that question leaped up in her mind and +stood in the eye of her imagination, terrible, menacing--a hideous, grim +spectre, before which Lloyd quailed with failing heart and breath. The +light, the almost divine radiance that had burst upon her, nevertheless +threw a dreadful shadow before it. Beneath the music she heard the growl +of the thunder. Her new-found happiness was not without its accompanying +dismay. Love had not returned to her heart alone. With it had returned +the old Enemy she had once believed had left her forever. Now it had +come back. As before, it lurked and leered at her from dark corners. It +crept to her side, to her back, ready to leap, ready to strike, to +clutch at her throat with cold fingers and bear her to the earth, +rending her heart with a grief she told herself she could not endure and +live. She loved him now with all her mind and might; how could it ever +have been otherwise? He belonged to her--and she? Why, she only lived +with his life; she seemed so bound to him as to be part of his very +self. Literally, she could not understand how it would be possible for +her to live if he should die. It seemed to her that with his death some +mysterious element of her life, something vital and fundamental, for +which there was no name, would disintegrate upon the instant and leave +her without the strength necessary for further existence. But this +would, however, be a relief. The prospect of the years after his death, +the fearful loneliness of life without him, was a horror before which +she veritably believed her reason itself must collapse. + +"Lloyd." + +Bennett was awake again and watching her with feverish anxiety from +where he lay among the pillows. "Lloyd," he repeated, the voice once so +deep and powerful quavering pitifully. "I was wrong. I don't want you to +go. Don't leave me." + +In an instant Lloyd was at his side, kneeling by the bed. She caught one +of the great, gnarled hands, seamed and corded and burning with the +fever. "Never, never, dearest; never so long as I shall live." + + + + +IX. + + +When Adler heard Bennett's uncertain steps upon the stairs and the sound +of Lloyd's voice speaking to him and urging that there was no hurry, and +that he was to take but one step at a time, he wheeled swiftly about +from the windows of the glass-room, where he had been watching the +October breeze stirring the crimson and yellow leaves in the orchard, +and drew back his master's chair from the breakfast table and stood +behind it expectantly, his eyes watching the door. + +Lloyd held back the door, and Bennett came in, leaning heavily on Dr. +Pitts's shoulder. Adler stiffened upon the instant as if in answer to +some unheard bugle-call, and when Bennett had taken his seat, pushed his +chair gently to the table and unfolded his napkin with a flourish as +though giving a banner to the wind. Pitts almost immediately left the +room, but Lloyd remained supervising Bennett's breakfast, pouring his +milk, buttering his toast, and opening his eggs. + +"Coffee?" suddenly inquired Bennett. Lloyd shook her head. + +"Not for another week." + +Bennett looked with grim disfavour upon the glass of milk that Lloyd had +placed at his elbow. + +"Such slop!" he growled. "Why not a little sugar and warm water, and be +done with it? Lloyd, I can't drink this stuff any more. Why, it's warm +yet!" he exclaimed aggrievedly and with deep disgust, abruptly setting +down the glass. + +"Why, of course it is," she answered; "we brought the cow here +especially for you, and the boy has just done milking her--and it's not +slop." + +"Slop! slop!" declared Bennett. He picked up the glass again and looked +at her over the rim. + +"I'll drink this stuff this one more time to please you," he said. "But +I promise you this will be the last time. You needn't ask me again. I +have drunk enough milk the past three weeks to support a foundling +hospital for a year." + +Invariably, since the period of his convalescence began, Bennett made +this scene over his hourly glass of milk, and invariably it ended by his +gulping it down at nearly a single swallow. + +Adler brought in the mail and the morning paper. Three letters had come +for Lloyd, and for Bennett a small volume on "Recent Arctic Research and +Exploration," sent by his publisher with a note to the effect that, as +the latest authority on the subject, Bennett was sure to find it of +great interest. In an appendix, inserted after the body of the book had +been made up, the Freja expedition and his own work were briefly +described. Lloyd put her letters aside, and, unfolding the paper, said, +"I'll read it while you eat your breakfast. Have you everything you +want? Did you drink your milk--all of it?" But out of the corner of her +eye she noted that Adler was chuckling behind the tray that he held to +his face, and with growing suspicion she leaned forward and peered about +among the breakfast things. Bennett had hidden his glass behind the +toast-rack. + +"And it's only two-thirds empty," she declared. "Ward, why will you be +such a boy?" + +"Oh, well," he grumbled, and without more ado drank off the balance. + +"Now I'll read to you if you have everything you want. Adler, I think +you can open one of those windows; it's so warm out of doors." + +While he ate his breakfast of toast, milk, and eggs Lloyd skimmed +through the paper, reading aloud everything she thought would be of +interest to him. Then, after a moment, her eye was caught and held by a +half-column article expanded from an Associated Press despatch. + +"Oh!" she cried, "listen to this!" and continued: "'Word has been +received at this place of the safe arrival of the arctic steamship +Curlew at Tasiusak, on the Greenland coast, bearing eighteen members of +the Duane-Parsons expedition. Captain Duane reports all well and an +uneventful voyage. It is his intention to pass the winter at Tasiusak, +collecting dogs and also Esquimau sledges, which he believes superior to +European manufacture for work in rubble-ice, and to push on with the +Curlew in the spring as soon as Smith Sound shall be navigable. This may +be later than Captain Duane supposes, as the whalers who have been +working in the sound during the past months bring back news of an +unusually early winter and extraordinary quantities of pack-ice both in +the sound itself and in Kane Basin. This means a proportionately late +open season next year, and the Curlew's departure from Tasiusak may be +considerably later than anticipated. It is considered by the best arctic +experts an unfortunate circumstance that Captain Duane elected to winter +south of Cape Sabine, as the condition of the ice in Smith Sound can +never be relied upon nor foretold. Should the entrance to the sound +still be encumbered with ice as late as July, which is by no means +impossible, Captain Duane will be obliged to spend another winter at +Tasiusak or Upernvick, consuming alike his store of provisions and the +patience of his men.'" + +There was a silence when Lloyd finished reading. Bennett chipped at the +end of his second egg. + +"Well?" she said at length. + +"Well," returned Bennett, "what's all that to me?" + +"It's your work," she answered almost vehemently. + +"No, indeed. It's Duane's work." + +"What do you mean?" + +"Let him try now." + +"And you?" exclaimed Lloyd, looking intently at him. + +"My dear girl, I had my chance and failed. Now--" he raised a shoulder +indifferently--"now, I don't care much about it. I've lost interest." + +"I don't believe you," she cried energetically; "you of all men." Behind +Bennett's chair she had a momentary glimpse of Adler, who had tucked his +tray under his arm and was silently applauding in elaborate pantomime. +She saw his lips form the words "That's it; that's right. Go right +ahead." + +"Besides, I have my book to do, and, besides that, I'm an invalid--an +invalid who drinks slop." + +"And you intend to give it all up--your career?" + +"Well--if I should, what then?" Suddenly he turned to her abruptly. "I +should not think _you_ would want me to go again. Do _you_ urge me to +go?" + +Lloyd made a sudden little gasp, and her hand involuntarily closed upon +his as it rested near her on the table. + +"Oh, no!" she cried. "Oh, no, I don't! You are right. It's not your work +now." + +"Well, then," muttered Bennett as though the question was forever +settled. + +Lloyd turned to her mail, and one after another slit the envelopes, +woman fashion, with a shell hairpin. But while she was glancing over the +contents of her letters Bennett began to stir uneasily in his place. +From time to time he stopped eating and shot a glance at Lloyd from +under his frown, noting the crisp, white texture of her gown and waist, +the white scarf with its high, tight bands about the neck, the tiny, +golden buttons in her cuffs, the sombre, ruddy glow of her cheeks, her +dull-blue eyes, and the piles and coils of her bronze-red hair. Then, +abruptly, he said: + +"Adler, you can go." + +Adler saluted and withdrew. + +"Whom are your letters from?" Bennett demanded by way of a beginning. + +Lloyd replaced the hairpin in her hair, answering: + +"From Dr. Street, from Louise Douglass, and from--Mr. Campbell." + +"Hum! well, what do they say? Dr. Street and--Louise Douglass?" + +"Dr. Street asks me to take a very important surgical case as soon as I +get through here, 'one of the most important and delicate, as well as +one of the most interesting, operations in his professional experience.' +Those are his words. Louise writes four pages, but she says nothing; +just chatters." + +"And Campbell?" Bennett indicated with his chin the third rather +voluminous letter at Lloyd's elbow. "He seems to have written rather +more than four pages. What does he say? Does he 'chatter' too?" + +Lloyd smoothed back her hair from one temple. + +"H'm--no. He says--something. But never mind what he says. Ward, I must +be going back to the City. You don't need a nurse any more." + +"What's that?" Bennett's frown gathered on the instant, and with a sharp +movement of the head that was habitual to him he brought his one good +eye to bear upon her. + +Lloyd repeated her statement, answering his remonstrance and +expostulation with: + +"You are almost perfectly well, and it would not be at all--discreet for +me to stay here an hour longer than absolutely necessary. I shall go +back to-morrow or next day." + +"But, I tell you, I am still very sick. I'm a poor, miserable, shattered +wreck." + +He made a great show of coughing in hollow, lamentable tones. + +"Listen to that, and last night I had a high fever, and this morning I +had a queer sort of pain about here--" he vaguely indicated the region +of his chest. "I think I am about to have a relapse." + +"Nonsense! You can't frighten me at all." + +"Oh, well," he answered easily, "I shall go with you--that is all. I +suppose you want to see me venture out in such raw, bleak weather as +this--with my weak lungs." + +"Your weak lungs? How long since?" + +"Well, I--I've sometimes thought my lungs were not very strong." + +"Why, dear me, you poor thing; I suppose the climate at Kolyuchin Bay +_was_ a trifle too bracing--" + +"What does Campbell say?" + +"--and the diet too rich for your blood--" + +"What does Campbell say?" + +"--and perhaps you did overexert--" + +"Lloyd Searight, what does Mr. Campbell say in that--" + +"He asks me to marry him." + +"To mum--mar--marry him? Well, damn his impudence!" + +"Mr. Campbell is an eminently respectable and worthy gentleman." + +"Oh, well, I don't care. Go! Go, marry Mr. Campbell. Be happy. I forgive +you both. Go, leave me to die alone." + +"Sir, I will go. Forget that you ever knew an unhappy wom--female, whose +only fault was that she loved you." + +"Go! and sometimes think of me far away on the billow and drop a silent +tear--I say, how are you going to answer Campbell's letter?" + +"Just one word--'_Come_.'" + +"Lloyd, be serious. This is no joke." + +"Joke!" she repeated hollowly. "It is, indeed, a sorry joke. Ah! had I +but loved with a girlish love, it would have been better for me." + +Then suddenly she caught him about the neck with both her arms, and +kissed him on the cheek and on the lips, a little quiver running through +her to her finger-tips, her mood changing abruptly to a deep, sweet +earnestness. + +"Oh, Ward, Ward!" she cried, "all our unhappiness and all our sorrow and +trials and anxiety and cruel suspense are over now, and now we really +have each other and love each other, dear, and all the years to come are +only going to bring happiness to us, and draw us closer and nearer to +each other." + +"But here's a point, Lloyd," said Bennett after a few moments and when +they had returned to coherent speech; "how about your work? You talk +about my career; what about yours? We are to be married, but I know just +how you have loved your work. It will be a hard wrench for you if you +give that up. I am not sure that I should ask it of you. This letter of +Street's, now. I know just how eager you must be to take charge of such +operations--such important cases as he mentions. It would be very +selfish of me to ask you to give up your work. It's your life-work, your +profession, your career." + +Lloyd took up Dr. Street's letter, and, holding it delicately at arm's +length, tore it in two and let the pieces flutter to the floor. + +"That, for my life-work," said Lloyd Searight. + +As she drew back from him an instant later Bennett all at once and very +earnestly demanded: + +"Lloyd, do you love me?" + +"With all my heart, Ward." + +"And you will be my wife?" + +"You know that I will." + +"Then"--Bennett picked up the little volume of "Arctic Research" which +he had received that morning, and tossed it from him upon the +floor--"that, for my career," he answered. + +For a moment they were silent, looking gladly into each other's eyes. +Then Bennett drew her to him again and held her close to him, and once +more she put her arms around his neck and nestled her head down upon his +shoulder with a little comfortable sigh of contentment and relief and +quiet joy, for that the long, fierce trial was over; that there were no +more fights to be fought, no more grim, hard situations to face, no more +relentless duties to be done. She had endured and she had prevailed; now +her reward was come. Now for the long, calm years of happiness. + +Later in the day, about an hour after noon, Bennett took his daily nap, +carefully wrapped in shawls and stretched out in a wicker steamer-chair +in the glass-room. Lloyd, in the meantime, was busy in the garden at the +side of the house, gathering flowers which she intended to put in a huge +china bowl in Bennett's room. While she was thus occupied Adler, +followed by Kamiska, came up. Adler pulled off his cap. + +"I beg pardon, Miss," he began, turning his cap about between his +fingers. "I don't want to seem to intrude, and if I do I just guess +you'd better tell me so first off. But what did he say--or did he say +anything--the captain, I mean--this morning about going up again? I +heard you talking to him at breakfast. That's it, that's the kind of +talk he needs. I can't talk that talk to him. I'm so main scared of him. +I wouldn't 'a' believed the captain would ever say he'd give up, would +ever say he was beaten. But, Miss, I'm thinking as there's something +wrong, main wrong with the captain these days besides fever. He's +getting soft--that's what he is. If you'd only know the man that he +was--before--while we was up there in the Ice! That's his work, that's +what he's cut out for. There ain't nobody can do it but him, and to see +him quit, to see him chuck up his chance to a third-rate ice-pilot like +Duane--a coastwise college professor that don't know no more about Ice +than--than you do--it regularly makes me sick. Why, what will become of +the captain now if he quits? He'll just settle down to an ordinary +stay-at-home, write-in-a-book professor, and write articles for the +papers and magazines, and bye-and-bye, maybe, he'll get down to +lecturing! Just fancy, Miss, him, the captain, lecturing! And while he +stays at home and writes, and--oh, Lord!--lectures, somebody else, +without a fifth of his ability, will do the _work_. It'll just naturally +break my heart, it will!" exclaimed Adler, "if the captain chucks. I +wouldn't be so main sorry that he won't reach the Pole as that he quit +trying--as that a man like the captain--or like what I thought he +was--gave up and chucked when he could win." + +"But, Adler," returned Lloyd, "the captain--Mr. Bennett, it seems to me, +has done his share. Think what he's been through. You can't have +forgotten the march to Kolyuchin Bay?" + +But Adler made an impatient gesture with the hand that held the cap. +"The danger don't figure; what he'd have to go through with don't +figure; the chances of life or death don't figure; nothing in the world +don't figure. _It's his work_; God A'mighty cut him out for that, and +he's got to do it. Ain't you got any influence with him, Miss? Won't you +talk good talk to him? Don't let him chuck; don't let him get soft. Make +him be a Man and not a professor." + +When Adler had left her Lloyd sank into a little seat at the edge of the +garden walk, and let the flowers drop into her lap, and leaned back in +her place, wide-eyed and thoughtful, reviewing in her imagination the +events of the past few months. What a change that summer had brought to +both of them; how they had been shaped anew in the mould of +circumstance! + +Suddenly and without warning, they two, high-spirited, strong, +determined, had clashed together, the man's force against the woman's +strength; and the woman, inherently weaker, had been crushed and +humbled. For a time it seemed to her that she had been broken beyond +hope; so humbled that she could never rise again; as though a great +crisis had developed in her life, and that, having failed once, she must +fail again, and again, and again--as if her whole subsequent life must +be one long failure. But a greater crisis had followed hard upon the +heels of the first--the struggle with self, the greatest struggle of +all. Against the abstract principle of evil the woman who had failed in +the material conflict with a masculine, masterful will, had succeeded, +had conquered self, had been true when it was easy to be false, had +dared the judgment of her peers so only that she might not deceive. + +Her momentary, perhaps fancied, hatred of Bennett, who had so cruelly +misunderstood and humiliated her, had apparently, of its own accord, +departed from her heart. Then had come the hour when the strange hazard +of fortune had reversed their former positions, when she could be +masterful while he was weak; when it was the man's turn to be broken, to +be prevailed against. Her own discomfiture had been offset by his. She +no longer need look to him as her conqueror, her master. And when she +had seen him so weak, so pathetically unable to resist the lightest +pressure of her hand; when it was given her not only to witness but to +relieve his suffering, the great love for him that could not die had +returned. With the mastery of self had come the forgetfulness of self; +and her profession, her life-work, of which she had been so proud, had +seemed to her of small concern. Now she was his, and his life was hers. +She should--so she told herself--be henceforward happy in his happiness, +and her only pride would be the pride in his achievements. + +But now the unexpected had happened, and Bennett had given up his +career. During the period of Bennett's convalescence Lloyd had often +talked long and earnestly with him, and partly from what he had told her +and partly from much that she inferred she had at last been able to +trace out and follow the mental processes and changes through which +Bennett had passed. He, too, had been proved by fire; he, too, had had +his ordeal, his trial. + +By nature, by training, and by virtue of the life he lived Bennett had +been a man, harsh, somewhat brutal, inordinately selfish, and at all +times magnificently arrogant. He had neither patience nor toleration for +natural human weakness. While selfish, he was not self-conscious, and it +never occurred to him, it was impossible for him to see that he was a +giant among men. His heart was callous; his whole nature and character +hard and flinty from the buffetings he gave rather than received. + +Then had come misfortune. Ferriss had died, and Bennett's recognition +and acknowledgment of the fact that he, Ward Bennett, who never failed, +who never blundered, had made at last the great and terrible error of +his life, had shaken his character to its very foundations. This was +only the beginning; the breach once made, Humanity entered into the +gloomy, waste places of his soul; remorse crowded hard upon his wonted +arrogance; generosity and the impulse to make amends took the place of +selfishness; kindness thrust out the native brutality; the old-time +harshness and imperiousness gave way to a certain spirit of toleration. + +It was the influence of these new emotions that had moved Bennett to +make the statement to Adler that had so astonished and perplexed his +old-time subordinate. He, Bennett, too, like Lloyd, was at that time +endeavouring to free himself from a false position, and through the +medium of confession stand in his true colours in the eyes of his +associates. Unconsciously they were both working out their salvation +along the same lines. + +Then had come Bennett's resolve to give Ferriss the conspicuous and +prominent place in his book, the account of the expedition. The more +Bennett dwelt upon Ferriss's heroism, intelligence, and ability the more +his task became a labour of love, and the more the idea of self dropped +away from his thought and imagination. Then--and perhaps this was not +the least important factor in Bennett's transformation--sickness had +befallen; the strong and self-reliant man had been brought to the +weakness of a child, whom the pressure of a finger could control. He +suddenly changed places with the woman he believed he had, at such +fearful cost, broken and subdued. His physical strength, once so +enormous, was as a reed in the woman's hand; his will, so indomitable, +was as powerless as an infant's before the woman's calm resolve, rising +up there before him and overmastering him at a time he believed it to be +forever weakened. + +Bennett had come forth from the ordeal chastened, softened, and humbled. +But he was shattered, broken, brought to the earth with sorrow and the +load of unavailing regret. Ambition was numb and lifeless within him. +Reaction from his former attitude of aggression and defiance had carried +him far beyond the normal. + +Here widened the difference between the man and the woman. Lloyd's +discontinuance of her life-work had been in the nature of heroic +subjugation of self. Bennett's abandonment of his career was hardly +better than weakness. In the one it had been renunciation; in the other +surrender. In the end, and after all was over, it was the woman who +remained the stronger. + +But for her, the woman, was it true that all was over? Had the last +conflict been fought? Was it not rather to be believed that life was one +long conflict? Was it not for her, Lloyd, to rouse that sluggard +ambition? Was not this her career, after all, to be his inspiration, his +incentive, to urge him to the accomplishment of a great work? Now, of +the two, she was the stronger. In these new conditions what was her +duty? Adler's clumsy phrases persisted in her mind. "That's his work," +Adler had said. "God Almighty cut him out for that, and he's got to do +it. Don't let him chuck, don't let him get soft; make him be a man and +not a professor." + +Had she so much influence over Bennett? Could she rouse the restless, +daring spirit again? Perhaps; but what would it mean for her--for her, +who must be left behind to wait, and wait, and wait--for three years, +for five years, for ten years--perhaps forever? And now, at this moment, +when she believed that at last happiness had come to her; when the duty +had been done, the grim problems solved; when sickness had been +overcome; when love had come back, and the calm, untroubled days seemed +lengthening out ahead, there came to her recollection the hideous lapse +of time that had intervened between the departure of the Freja and the +expedition's return; what sleepless nights, what days of unspeakable +suspense, what dreadful alternations between hope and despair, what +silent, repressed suffering, what haunting, ever-present dread of a +thing she dared not name! Was the Fear to come into her life again; the +Enemy that lurked and leered and forebore to strike, that hung upon her +heels at every hour of the day, that sat down with her to her every +occupation, that followed after when she stirred abroad, that came close +to her in the still watches of the night, creeping, creeping to her +bedside, looming over her in the darkness; the cold fingers reaching +closer and closer, the awful face growing ever more distinct, till the +suspense of waiting for the blow to fall, for the fingers to grip, +became more than she could bear, and she sprang from her bed with a +stifled sob of anguish, driven from her rest with quivering lips and +streaming eyes? + +Abruptly Lloyd rose to her feet, the flowers falling unheeded from her +lap, her arms rigid at her side, her hands shut tight. + +"No," she murmured, "I cannot. This, at last, is more than I can do." + +Instantly Adler's halting words went ringing through her brain: "The +danger don't figure; nothing in the world don't figure. It's his work." + +Adler's words were the words of the world. She alone of the thousands +whose eyes were turned toward Bennett was blinded. She was wrong. She +belonged to him, but he did not belong to her. The world demanded him; +the world called him from her side to do the terrible work that God had +made him for. Was she, because she loved him, because of her own single +anguish, to stand between him and the clamour of the world, between him +and his work, between him and God? + +A work there was for him to do. He must play the man's part. The battle +must be fought again. That horrible, grisly Enemy far up there to the +north, upon the high curve of the globe, the shoulder of the world, +huge, remorseless, terrible in its vast, Titanic strength, guarding its +secret through all the centuries in the innermost of a thousand gleaming +coils, must be defied again. The monster that defended the great prize, +the object of so many fruitless quests must be once more attacked. + +His was the work, for him the shock of battle, the rigour of the fight, +the fierce assault, the ceaseless onset, the unfailing and unflinching +courage. + +Hers was the woman's part. Already she had assumed it; steadfast +unselfishness, renunciation, patience, the heroism greater than all +others, that sits with folded hands, quiet, unshaken, and under fearful +stress, endures, and endures, and endures. To be the inspiration of +great deeds, high hopes, and firm resolves, and then, while the fight +was dared, to wait in calmness for its issue--that was her duty, that, +the woman's part in the world's great work. + +Lloyd was dimly conscious of a certain sweet and subtle element in her +love for Bennett that only of late she had begun to recognise and be +aware of. This was a certain vague protective, almost maternal, +instinct. Perhaps it was because of his present weakness both of body +and character, or perhaps it was an element always to be found in the +deep and earnest love of any noble-hearted woman. She felt that she, not +as herself individually, but as a woman, was not only stronger than +Bennett, but in a manner older, more mature. She was conscious of depths +in her nature far greater than in his, and also that she was capable of +attaining heights of heroism, devotion, and sacrifice which he, for all +his masculine force, could not only never reach, but could not even +conceive of. It was this consciousness of her larger, better nature that +made her feel for Bennett somewhat as a mother feels for a son, a sister +for her younger brother. A great tenderness mingled with her affection, +a vast and almost divine magnanimity, a broad, womanly pity for his +shortcomings, his errors, his faults. It was to her he must look for +encouragement. It was for her to bind up and reshape the great energy +that had been so rudely checked, and not only to call back his strength, +but to guide it and direct into its appointed channels. + +Lloyd returned toward the glass-enclosed veranda to find Bennett just +arousing from his nap. She drew the shawls closer about him and +rearranged the pillows under his head, and then sat down on the steps +near at hand. + +"Tell me about this Captain Duane," she began. "Where is he now?" + +Bennett yawned and passed his hand across his face, rubbing the sleep +from his eyes. + +"What time is it? I must have slept over an hour. Duane? Why, you saw +what the paper said. I presume he is at Tasiusak." + +"Do you think he will succeed? Do you think he will reach the Pole? +Adler thinks he won't." + +"Oh, perhaps, if he has luck and an open season." + +"But tell me, why does he take so many men? Isn't that contrary to the +custom? I know a great deal about arctic work. While you were away I +read every book I could get upon the subject. The best work has been +done with small expeditions. If you should go again--when you go again, +will you take so many? I saw you quoted somewhere as being in favour of +only six or eight men." + +"Ten should be the limit--but some one else will make the attempt now. +I'm out of it. I tried and failed." + +"Failed--you! The idea of you ever failing, of you ever giving up! Of +course it was all very well to joke this morning about giving up your +career; but I know you will be up and away again only too soon. I am +trying to school myself to expect that." + +"Lloyd, I tell you that I am out of it. I don't believe the Pole ever +can be reached, and I don't much care whether it is reached or not." + +Suddenly Lloyd turned to him, the unwonted light flashing in her eyes. +"_I_ do, though," she cried vehemently. "It can be done, and +we--America--ought to do it." + +Bennett stared at her, startled by her outburst. + +"This English expedition," Lloyd continued, the colour flushing in her +cheeks, "this Duane-Parsons expedition, they will have the start of +everybody next year. Nearly every attempt that is made now establishes a +new record for a high latitude. One nation after another is creeping +nearer and nearer almost every year, and each expedition is profiting by +the experiences and observations made by the one that preceded it. Some +day, and not very long now, some nation is going to succeed and plant +its flag there at last. Why should it not be us? Why shouldn't _our_ +flag be first at the Pole? We who have had so many heroes, such great +sailors, such splendid leaders, such explorers--our Stanleys, our +Farraguts, our Decaturs, our De Longs, our Lockwoods--how we would stand +ashamed before the world if some other nation should succeed where we +have all but succeeded--Norway, or France, or Russia, or +England--profiting by our experiences, following where we have made the +way!" + +"That is very fine," admitted Bennett. "It would be a great honour, the +greatest perhaps; and once--I--well, I had my ambitions, too. But it's +all different now. Something in me died when--Dick--when--I--oh, let +Duane try. Let him do his best. I know it can't be done, and if he +should win, I would be the first to wire congratulations. Lloyd, I don't +care. I've lost interest. I suppose it is my punishment. I'm out of the +race. I'm a back number. I'm down." + +Lloyd shook her head. + +"I don't--I can't believe you." + +"Do you want to see me go," demanded Bennett, "after this last +experience? Do you urge me to it?" + +Lloyd turned her head away, leaning it against one of the veranda +pillars. A sudden dimness swam in her eyes, the choking ache she knew so +well came to her throat. Ah, life was hard for her. The very greatness +of her nature drove from her the happiness so constantly attained by +little minds, by commonplace souls. When was it to end, this continual +sacrifice of inclination to duty, this eternal abnegation, this yielding +up of herself, her dearest, most cherished wishes to the demands of duty +and the great world? + +"I don't know what I want," she said faintly. "It don't seem as if one +_could_ be happy--very long." + +All at once she moved close to him and laid her cheek upon the arm of +his chair and clasped his hand in both her own, murmuring: "But I have +you now, I have you now, no matter what is coming to us." + +A sense of weakness overcame her. What did she care that Bennett should +fulfil his destiny, should round out his career, should continue to be +the Great Man? It was he, Bennett, that she loved--not his greatness, +not his career. Let it all go, let ambition die, let others less worthy +succeed in the mighty task. What were fame and honour and glory and the +sense of a divinely appointed duty done at last to the clasp of his hand +and the sound of his voice? + +In November of that year Lloyd and Bennett were married. Two guests only +assisted at the ceremony. These were Campbell and his little daughter +Hattie. + + + + +X. + + +The months passed; Christmas came and went. Until then the winter had +been unusually mild, but January set in with a succession of vicious +cold snaps and great blustering winds out of the northeast. Lloyd and +Bennett had elected to remain quietly in their new home at Medford. They +had no desire to travel, and Bennett's forthcoming book demanded his +attention. Adler stayed on about the house. He and the dog Kamiska were +companions inseparable. At long intervals visitors presented +themselves--Dr. Street, or Pitts, or certain friends of Bennett's. But +the great rush of interviewers, editors, and projectors of marvellous +schemes that had crowded Bennett's anterooms during the spring and early +summer was conspicuously dwindling. The press ceased to speak of him; +even his mail had fallen away. Now, whenever the journals of the day +devoted space to arctic exploration, it was invariably in reference to +the English expedition wintering on the Greenland coast. That world that +had clamoured so loudly upon Bennett's return, while, perhaps, not yet +forgetting him, was already ignoring him, was looking in other +directions. Another man was in the public eye. + +But in every sense these two--Lloyd and Bennett--were out of the world. +They had freed themselves from the current of affairs. They stood aside +while the great tide went careering past swift and turbulent, and one of +them at least lacked even the interest to look on and watch its +progress. + +For a time Lloyd was supremely happy. Their life was unbroken, +uneventful. The calm, monotonous days of undisturbed happiness to which +she had looked forward were come at last. Thus it was always to be. +Isolated and apart, she could shut her ears to the thunder of the +world's great tide that somewhere, off beyond the hills in the direction +of the City, went swirling through its channels. Hardly an hour went by +that she and Bennett were not together. Lloyd had transferred her stable +to her new home; Lewis was added to the number of their servants, and +until Bennett's old-time vigour completely returned to him she drove out +almost daily with her husband, covering the country for miles around. + +Much of their time, however, they spent in Bennett's study. This was a +great apartment in the rear of the house, scantily, almost meanly, +furnished. Papers littered the floor; bundles of manuscripts, lists, +charts, and observations, the worn and battered tin box of records, +note-books, journals, tables of logarithms were piled upon Bennett's +desk. A bookcase crammed with volumes of reference, statistical +pamphlets, and the like stood between the windows, while one of the +walls was nearly entirely occupied by a vast map of the arctic circle, +upon which the course of the Freja, her drift in the pack, and the route +of the expedition's southerly march were accurately plotted. + +The room was bare of ornament; the desk and a couple of chairs were its +only furniture. Pictures there were none. Their places were taken by +photographs and a great blue print of the shipbuilder's plans and +specifications of the Freja. + +The photographs were some of those that Dennison had made of the +expedition--the Freja nipped in the ice, a group of the officers and +crew upon the forward deck, the coast of Wrangel Island, Cape Kammeni, +peculiar ice formations, views of the pack under different conditions +and temperatures, pressure-ridges and scenes of the expedition's daily +life in the arctic, bear-hunts, the manufacture of sledges, dog-teams, +Bennett taking soundings and reading the wind-gauge, and one, the last +view of the Freja, taken just as the ship--her ice-sheathed dripping +bows heaved high in the air, the flag still at the peak--sank from +sight. + +However, on the wall over the blue-print plans of the Freja, one of the +boat's flags, that had been used by the expedition throughout all the +time of its stay in the ice, hung suspended--a faded, tattered square of +stars and bars. + +As the new life settled quietly and evenly to its grooves a routine +began to develop. About an hour after breakfast Lloyd and Bennett shut +themselves in Bennett's "workroom," as he called it, Lloyd taking her +place at the desk. She had become his amanuensis, had insisted upon +writing to his dictation. + +"Look at that manuscript," she had exclaimed one day, turning the sheets +that Bennett had written; "literally the very worst handwriting I have +ever seen. What do you suppose a printer would make out of your 'thes' +and 'ands'? It's hieroglyphics, you know," she informed him gravely, +nodding her head at him. + +It was quite true. Bennett wrote with amazing rapidity and with ragged, +vigorous strokes of the pen, not unfrequently driving the point through +the paper itself; his script was pothooks, clumsy, slanting in all +directions, all but illegible. In the end Lloyd had almost pushed him +from his place at the desk, taking the pen from between his fingers, +exclaiming: + +"Get up! Give me your chair--and that pen. Handwriting like that is +nothing else but a sin." + +Bennett allowed her to bully him, protesting merely for the enjoyment of +squabbling with her. + +"Come, I like this. What are you doing in my workroom anyhow, Mrs. +Bennett? I think you had better go to your housework." + +"Don't talk," she answered. "Here are your notes and journal. Now tell +me what to write." + +In the end matters adjusted themselves. Daily Lloyd took her place at +the desk, pen in hand, the sleeve of her right arm rolled back to the +elbow (a habit of hers whenever writing, and which Bennett found to be +charming beyond words), her pen travelling steadily from line to line. +He on his part paced the floor, a cigar between his teeth, his notes and +note-books in his hand, dictating comments of his own, or quoting from +the pages, stained, frayed, and crumpled, written by the light of the +auroras, the midnight suns, or the unsteady, flickering of train-oil +lanterns and blubber-lamps. + +What long, delicious hours they spent thus, as the winter drew on, in +the absolute quiet of that country house, ignored and lost in the brown, +bare fields and leafless orchards of the open country! No one troubled +them. No one came near them. They asked nothing better than that the +world wherein they once had lived, whose hurtling activity and febrile +unrest they both had known so well, should leave them alone. + +Only one jarring note, and that none too resonant, broke the long +harmony of Lloyd's happiness during these days. Bennett was deaf to it; +but for Lloyd it vibrated continuously and, as time passed, with +increasing insistence and distinctness. But for one person in the world +Lloyd could have told herself that her life was without a single element +of discontent. + +This was Adler. It was not that his presence about the house was a +reproach to Bennett's wife, for the man was scrupulously unobtrusive. He +had the instinctive delicacy that one sometimes discovers in simple, +undeveloped natures--seafaring folk especially--and though he could not +bring himself to leave his former chief, he had withdrawn himself more +than ever from notice since the time of Bennett's marriage. He rarely +even waited on the table these days, for Lloyd and Bennett often chose +to breakfast and dine quite to themselves. + +But, for all that, Lloyd saw Adler from time to time, Kamiska invariably +at his heels. She came upon him polishing the brasses upon the door of +the house, or binding strips of burlaps and sacking about the +rose-bushes in the garden, or returning from the village post-office +with the mail, invariably wearing the same woollen cap, the old +pea-jacket, and the jersey with the name "Freja" upon the breast. He +rarely spoke to her unless she first addressed him, and then always with +a precise salute, bringing his heels sharply together, standing stiffly +at attention. + +But the man, though all unwittingly, radiated gloom. Lloyd readily saw +that Adler was labouring under a certain cloud of disappointment and +deferred hope. Naturally she understood the cause. Lloyd was too +large-hearted to feel any irritation at the sight of Adler. But she +could not regard him with indifference. To her mind he stood for all +that Bennett had given up, for the great career that had stopped +half-way, for the work half done, the task only half completed. In a way +was not Adler now superior to Bennett? His one thought and aim and hope +was to "try again." His ambition was yet alive and alight; the soldier +was willing where the chief lost heart. Never again had Adler addressed +himself to Lloyd on the subject of Bennett's inactivity. Now he seemed +to understand--to realise that once married--and to Lloyd--he must no +longer expect Bennett to continue the work. All this Lloyd interpreted +from Adler's attitude, and again and again told herself that she could +read the man's thoughts aright. She even fancied she caught a mute +appeal in his eyes upon those rare occasions when they met, as though he +looked to her as the only hope, the only means to wake Bennett from his +lethargy. She imagined that she heard him say: + +"Ain't you got any influence with him, Miss? Won't you talk good talk to +him? Don't let him chuck. Make him be a man, and not a professor. +Nothing else in the world don't figure. It's his work. God A'mighty cut +him out for that, and he's got to do it." + +His work, his work, God made him for that; appointed the task, made the +man, and now she came between. God, Man, and the Work,--the three vast +elements of an entire system, the whole universe epitomised in the +tremendous trinity. Again and again such thoughts assailed her. Duty +once more stirred and awoke. It seemed to her as if some great engine +ordained of Heaven to run its appointed course had come to a standstill, +was rusting to its ruin, and that she alone of all the world had power +to grasp its lever, to send it on its way; whither, she did not know; +why, she could not tell. She knew only that it was right that she should +act. By degrees her resolution hardened. Bennett must try again. But at +first it seemed to her as though her heart would break, and more than +once she wavered. + +As Bennett continued to dictate to her the story of the expedition he +arrived at the account of the march toward Kolyuchin Bay, and, finally, +at the description of the last week, with its terrors, its sufferings, +its starvation, its despair, when, one by one, the men died in their +sleeping-bags, to be buried under slabs of ice. When this point in the +narrative was reached Bennett inserted no comment of his own; but while +Lloyd wrote, read simply and with grim directness from the entries in +his journal precisely as they had been written. + +Lloyd had known in a vague way that the expedition had suffered +abominably, but hitherto Bennett had never consented to tell her the +story in detail. "It was a hard week," he informed her, "a rather bad +grind." + +Now, for the first time, she was to know just what had happened, just +what he had endured. + +As usual, Bennett paced the floor from wall to wall, his cigar in his +teeth, his tattered, grimy ice-journal in his hand. At the desk Lloyd's +round, bare arm, the sleeve turned up to the elbow, moved evenly back +and forth as she wrote. In the intervals of Bennett's dictation the +scratching of Lloyd's pen made itself heard. A little fire snapped and +crackled on the hearth. The morning's sun came flooding in at the +windows. + +"... Gale of wind from the northeast," prompted Lloyd, raising her head +from her writing. Bennett continued: + +"Impossible to march against it in our weakened condition." + +He paused for her to complete the sentence. + +"... Must camp here till it abates...." + +"Have you got that?" Lloyd nodded. + +"... Made soup of the last of the dog-meat this afternoon.... Our +last pemmican gone." + +There was a pause; then Bennett resumed: + +"December 1st, Wednesday--Everybody getting weaker.... Metz breaking +down.... Sent Adler to the shore to gather shrimps ... we had about +a mouthful apiece at noon ... supper, a spoonful of glycerine and +hot water." + +Lloyd put her hand to her temple, smoothing back her hair, her face +turned away. As before, in the park, on that warm and glowing summer +afternoon, a swift, clear vision of the Ice was vouchsafed to her. She +saw the coast of Kolyuchin Bay--primordial desolation, whirling +dust-like snow, the unleashed wind yelling like a sabbath of witches, +leaping and somersaulting from rock to rock, folly-stricken and +insensate in its hideous dance of death. Bennett continued. His voice +insensibly lowered itself, a certain gravity of manner came upon him. At +times he looked at the written pages in his hand with vague, unseeing +eyes. No doubt he, too, was remembering. + +He resumed: + +"December 2d, Thursday--Metz died during the night.... Hansen dying. +Still blowing a gale from the northeast.... A hard night." + +Lloyd's pen moved slower and slower as she wrote. The lines of the +manuscript began to blur and swim before her eyes. + +And it was to this that she must send him. To this inhuman, horrible +region; to this life of prolonged suffering, where death came slowly +through days of starvation, exhaustion, and agony hourly renewed. He +must dare it all again. She must force him to it. Her decision had been +taken; her duty was plain to her. Now it was irrevocable. + +"... Hansen died during early morning.... Dennison breaking down.... + +"... December 5th--Sunday--Dennison found dead this morning between +Adler and myself...." + +The vision became plainer, more distinct. She fancied she saw the +interior of the tent and the dwindling number of the Freja's survivors +moving about on their hands and knees in its gloomy half-light. Their +hair and beards were long, their faces black with dirt, monstrously +distended and fat with the bloated irony of starvation. They were no +longer men. After that unspeakable stress of misery nothing but the +animal remained. + +"... Too weak to bury him, or even carry him out of the tent.... He +must lie where he is.... Last spoonful of glycerine and hot +water.... Divine service at 5:30 P.M...." + +Once more Lloyd faltered in her writing; her hand moved slower. Shut her +teeth though she might, the sobs would come; swiftly the tears brimmed +her eyes, but she tried to wink them back, lest Bennett should see. +Heroically she wrote to the end of the sentence. A pause followed: + +"Yes--' divine services at'--I--I--" + +The pen dropped from her fingers and she sank down upon her desk, her +head bowed in the hollow of her bare arm, shaken from head to foot with +the violence of the crudest grief she had ever known. Bennett threw his +journal from him, and came to her, taking her in his arms, putting her +head upon his shoulder. + +"Why, Lloyd, what is it--why, old chap, what the devil! I was a beast to +read that to you. It wasn't really as bad as that, you know, and +besides, look here, look at me. It all happened three years ago. It's +all over with now." + +Without raising her head, and clinging to him all the closer, Lloyd +answered brokenly: + +"No, no; it's not all over. It never, never will be." + +"Pshaw, nonsense!" Bennett blustered, "you must not take it to heart +like this. We're going to forget all about it now. Here, damn the book, +anyhow! We've had enough of it to-day. Put your hat on. We'll have the +ponies out and drive somewhere. And to-night we'll go into town and see +a show at a theatre." + +"No," protested Lloyd, pushing back from him, drying her eyes. "You +shall not think I'm so weak. We will go on with what we have to do--with +our work. I'm all right now." + +Bennett marched her out of the room without more ado, and, following +her, closed and locked the door behind them. "We'll not write another +word of that stuff to-day. Get your hat and things. I'm going out to +tell Lewis to put the ponies in." + +But that day marked a beginning. From that time on Lloyd never faltered, +and if there were moments when the iron bit deeper than usual into her +heart, Bennett never knew her pain. By degrees a course of action +planned itself for her. A direct appeal to Bennett she believed would +not only be useless, but beyond even her heroic courage. She must +influence him indirectly. The initiative must appear to come from him. +It must seem to him that he, of his own accord, roused his dormant +resolution. It was a situation that called for all her feminine tact, +all her delicacy, all her instinctive diplomacy. + +The round of their daily life was renewed, but now there was a change. +It was subtle, illusive, a vague, indefinite trouble in the air. Lloyd +had addressed herself to her task, and from day to day, from hour to +hour, she held to it, unseen, unnoticed. Now it was a remark dropped as +if by chance in the course of conversation; now an extract cut from a +newspaper or scientific journal, and left where Bennett would find it; +now merely a look in her eyes, an instant's significant glance when her +gaze met her husband's, or a moment's enthusiasm over the news of some +discovery. Insensibly and with infinite caution she directed his +attention to the world he believed he had abjured; she called into being +his interest in his own field of action, reading to him by the hour from +the writings of other men, or advancing and championing theories which +she knew to be false and ridiculous, but which she goaded him to deny +and refute. + +One morning she even feigned an exclamation of unbounded astonishment as +she opened the newspaper while the two were at breakfast, pretending to +read from imaginary headlines. + +"Ward, listen! 'The Pole at Last. A Norwegian Expedition Solves the +Mystery of the Arctic. The Goal Reached After--'" + +"What!" cried Bennett sharply, his frown lowering. + +"'--After Centuries of Failure.'" Lloyd put down the paper with a note +of laughter. + +"Suppose you should read it some day." + +Bennett subsided with a good-humoured growl. + +"You did scare me for a moment. I thought--I thought--" + +"I did scare you? Why were you scared? What did you think?" She leaned +toward him eagerly. + +"I thought--well--oh--that some other chap, Duane, perhaps--" + +"He's still at Tasiusak. But he will succeed, I do believe. I've read a +great deal about him. He has energy and determination. If anybody +succeeds it will be Duane." + +"He? Never!" + +"Somebody, then." + +"You said once that if your husband couldn't nobody could." + +"Yes, yes, I know," she answered cheerfully. "But you--you are out of +it now." + +"Huh!" he grumbled. "It's not because I don't think I could if I wanted +to." + +"No, you could not, Ward. Nobody can." + +"But you just said you thought somebody would some day." + +"Did I? Oh, suppose you really should one of these days!" + +"And suppose I never came back?" + +"Nonsense! Of course you would come back. They all do nowadays." + +"De Long didn't." + +"But you are not De Long." + +And for the rest of the day Lloyd noted with a sinking heart that +Bennett was unusually thoughtful and preoccupied. She said nothing, and +was studious to avoid breaking in upon his reflections, whatever they +might be. She kept out of his way as much as possible, but left upon his +desk, as if by accident, a copy of a pamphlet issued by a geographical +society, open at an article upon the future of exploration within the +arctic circle. At supper that night Bennett suddenly broke in upon a +rather prolonged silence with: + +"It's all in the ship. Build a ship strong enough to withstand lateral +pressure of the ice and the whole thing becomes easy." + +Lloyd yawned and stirred her tea indifferently as she answered: + +"Yes, but you know that can't be done." + +Bennett frowned thoughtfully, drumming upon the table. + +"I'll wager _I_ could build one." + +"But it's not the ship alone. It's the man. Whom would you get to +command your ship?" + +Bennett stared. + +"Why, I would take her, of course." + +"You? You have had your share--your chance. Now you can afford to stay +home and finish your book--and--well, you might deliver lectures." + +"What rot, Lloyd! Can you see me posing on a lecture platform?" + +"I would rather see you doing that than trying to beat Duane, than +getting into the ice again. I would rather see you doing that than to +know that you were away up there--in the north, in the ice, at your work +again, fighting your way toward the Pole, leading your men and +overcoming every obstacle that stood in your way, never giving up, never +losing heart, trying to do the great, splendid, impossible thing; +risking your life to reach merely a point on a chart. Yes, I would +rather see you on a lecture platform than on the deck of an arctic +steamship. You know that, Ward." + +He shot a glance at her. + +"I would like to know what you mean," he muttered. + +The winter went by, then the spring, and by June all the country around +Medford was royal with summer. During the last days of May, Bennett +practically had completed the body of his book and now occupied himself +with its appendix. There was little variation in their daily life. Adler +became more and more of a fixture about the place. In the first week of +June, Lloyd and Bennett had a visitor, a guest; this was Hattie +Campbell. Mr. Campbell was away upon a business trip, and Lloyd had +arranged to have the little girl spend the fortnight of his absence +with her at Medford. + +The summer was delightful. A vast, pervading warmth lay close over all +the world. The trees, the orchards, the rose-bushes in the garden about +the house, all the teeming life of trees and plants hung motionless and +poised in the still, tideless ocean of the air. It was very quiet; all +distant noises, the crowing of cocks, the persistent calling of robins +and jays, the sound of wheels upon the road, the rumble of the trains +passing the station down in the town, seemed muffled and subdued. The +long, calm summer days succeeded one another in an unbroken, glimmering +procession. From dawn to twilight one heard the faint, innumerable +murmurs of the summer, the dull bourdon of bees in the rose and lilac +bushes, the prolonged, strident buzzing of blue-bottle-flies, the harsh, +dry scrape of grasshoppers, the stridulating of an occasional cricket. +In the twilight and all through the night itself the frogs shrilled from +the hedgerows and in the damp, north corners of the fields, while from +the direction of the hills toward the east the whippoorwills called +incessantly. During the day the air was full of odours, distilled as it +were by the heat of high noon--the sweet smell of ripening apples, the +fragrance of warm sap and leaves and growing grass, the smell of cows +from the nearby pastures, the pungent, ammoniacal suggestion of the +stable back of the house, and the odour of scorching paint blistering on +the southern walls. + +July was very hot. No breath of wind stirred the vast, invisible sea of +air, quivering and oily under the vertical sun. The landscape was +deserted of animated life; there was little stirring abroad. In the +house one kept within the cool, darkened rooms with matting on the +floors and comfortable, deep wicker chairs, the windows wide to the +least stirring of the breeze. Adler dozed in his canvas hammock slung +between a hitching-post and a crab-apple tree in the shade behind the +stable. Kamiska sprawled at full length underneath the water-trough, her +tongue lolling, panting incessantly. An immeasurable Sunday stillness +seemed to hang suspended in the atmosphere--a drowsy, numbing hush. +There was no thought of the passing of time. The day of the week was +always a matter of conjecture. It seemed as though this life of heat and +quiet and unbroken silence was to last forever. + +Then suddenly there was an _alerte_. One morning, a day or so after +Hattie Campbell had returned to the City, just as Lloyd and Bennett were +finishing their breakfast in the now heavily awninged glass-room, they +were surprised to see Adler running down the road toward the house, +Kamiska racing on ahead, barking excitedly. Adler had gone into the town +for the mail and morning's paper. This latter he held wide open in his +hand, and as soon as he caught sight of Lloyd and Bennett waved it about +him, shouting as he ran. + +Lloyd's heart began to beat. There was only one thing that could excite +Adler to this degree--the English expedition; Adler had news of it; it +was in the paper. Duane had succeeded; had been working steadily +northward during all these past months, while Bennett-- + +"Stuck in the ice! stuck in the ice!" shouted Adler as he swung wide the +front gate and came hastening toward the veranda across the lawn. "What +did we say! Hooray! He's stuck. I knew it; any galoot might 'a' known +it. Duane's stuck tighter'n a wedge off Bache Island, in Kane Basin. +Here it all is; read it for yourself." + +Bennett took the paper from him and read aloud to the effect that the +Curlew, accompanied by her collier, which was to follow her to the +southerly limit of Kane Basin, had attempted the passage of Smith Sound +late in June. But the season, as had been feared, was late. The enormous +quantities of ice reported by the whalers the previous year had not +debouched from the narrow channel, and on the last day of June the +Curlew had found her further progress effectually blocked. In essaying +to force her way into a lead the ice had closed in behind her, and, +while not as yet nipped, the vessel was immobilised. There was no hope +that she would advance northward until the following summer. The +collier, which had not been beset, had returned to Tasiusak with the +news of the failure. + +"What a galoot! What a--a professor!" exclaimed Adler with a vast +disdain. "Him loafing at Tasiusak waiting for open water, when the Alert +wintered in eighty-two-twenty-four! Well, he's shelved for another year, +anyhow." + +Later on, after breakfast, Lloyd and Bennett shut themselves in +Bennett's workroom, and for upward of three hours addressed themselves +to the unfinished work of the previous day, compiling from Bennett's +notes a table of temperatures of the sea-water taken at different +soundings. Alternating with the scratching of Lloyd's pen, Bennett's +voice continued monotonously: + +"August 15th--2,000 meters or 1,093 fathoms--minus .66 degrees +centigrade or 30.81 Fahrenheit." + +"Fahrenheit," repeated Lloyd as she wrote the last word. + +"August 16th--1,600 meters or 874 fathoms--" + +"Eight hundred and seventy-four fathoms," repeated Lloyd as Bennett +paused abstractedly. + +"Or ... he's in a bad way, you know." + +"What do you mean?" + +"It's a bad bit of navigation along there. The Proteus was nipped and +crushed to kindling in about that same latitude ... h'm" ... Bennett +tugged at his mustache. Then, suddenly, as if coming to himself: +"Well--these temperatures now. Where were we? 'Eight hundred and +seventy-four fathoms, minus forty-six hundredths degrees centigrade.'" + +On the afternoon of the next day, just as they were finishing this +table, there was a knock at the door. It was Adler, and as Bennett +opened the door he saluted and handed him three calling-cards. Bennett +uttered an exclamation of surprise, and Lloyd turned about from the +desk, her pen poised in the air over the half-written sheet. + +"They might have let me know they were coming," she heard Bennett +mutter. "What do they want?" + +"Guess they came on that noon train, sir," hazarded Adler. "They didn't +say what they wanted, just inquired for you." + +"Who is it?" asked Lloyd, coming forward. + +Bennett read off the names on the cards. + +"Well, it's Tremlidge--that's the Tremlidge of the Times; he's the +editor and proprietor--and Hamilton Garlock--has something to do with +that new geographical society--president, I believe--and this one"--he +handed her the third card--"is a friend of yours, Craig V. Campbell, of +the Hercules Wrought Steel Company." + +Lloyd stared. "What can they want?" she murmured, looking up to him from +the card in some perplexity. Bennett shook his head. + +"Tell them to come up here," he said to Adler. + +Lloyd hastily drew down her sleeve over her bare arm. + +"Why up here, Ward?" she inquired abruptly. + +"Should we have seen them downstairs?" he demanded with a frown. "I +suppose so; I didn't think. Don't go," he added, putting a hand on her +arm as she started for the door. "You might as well hear what they have +to say." + +The visitors entered, Adler holding open the door--Campbell, well +groomed, clean-shaven, and gloved even in that warm weather; Tremlidge, +the editor of one of the greater daily papers of the City (and of the +country for the matter of that), who wore a monocle and carried a straw +hat under his arm; and Garlock, the vice-president of an international +geographical society, an old man, with beautiful white hair curling +about his ears, a great bow of black silk knotted about his +old-fashioned collar. The group presented, all unconsciously, three +great and highly developed phases of nineteenth-century +intelligence--science, manufactures, and journalism--each man of them a +master in his calling. + +When the introductions and preliminaries were over, Bennett took up his +position again in front of the fireplace, leaning against the mantle, +his hands in his pockets. Lloyd sat opposite to him at the desk, resting +her elbow on the edge. Hanging against the wall behind her was the vast +chart of the arctic circle. Tremlidge, the editor, sat on the bamboo +sofa near the end of the room, his elbows on his knees, gently tapping +the floor with the ferrule of his slim walking-stick; Garlock, the +scientist, had dropped into the depths of a huge leather chair and +leaned back in it comfortably, his legs crossed, one boot swinging +gently; Campbell stood behind this chair, drumming on the back +occasionally with the fingers of one hand, speaking to Bennett over +Garlock's shoulder, and from time to time turning to Tremlidge for +corroboration and support of what he was saying. + +Abruptly the conference began. + +"Well, Mr. Bennett, you got our wire?" Campbell said by way of +commencement. + +Bennett shook his head. + +"No," he returned in some surprise; "no, I got no wire." + +"That's strange," said Tremlidge. "I wired three days ago asking for +this interview. The address was right, I think. I wired: 'Care of Dr. +Pitts.' Isn't that right?" + +"That probably accounts for it," answered Bennett. "This is Pitts's +house, but he does not live here now. Your despatch, no doubt, went to +his office in the City, and was forwarded to him. He's away just now, +travelling, I believe. But--you're here. That's the essential." + +"Yes," murmured Garlock, looking to Campbell. "We're here, and we want +to have a talk with you." + +Campbell, who had evidently been chosen spokesman, cleared his throat. + +"Well, Mr. Bennett, I don't know just how to begin, so suppose +I begin at the beginning. Tremlidge and I belong to the same club in +the City, and in some way or other we have managed to see a good deal +of each other during the last half-dozen years. We find that we have +a good deal in common. I don't think his editorial columns are for +sale, and he doesn't believe there are blow-holes in my steel plates. +I really do believe we have certain convictions. Tremlidge seems to +have an idea that journalism can be clean and yet enterprising, and +tries to run his sheet accordingly, and I am afraid that I would not +make a bid for bridge girders below what it would cost to manufacture +them honestly. Tremlidge and I differ in politics; we hold conflicting +views as to municipal government; we attend different churches; we are +at variance in the matter of public education, of the tariff, of +emigration, and, heaven save the mark! of capital and labour, but we +tell ourselves that we are public-spirited and are a little proud that +God allowed us to be born in the United States; also it appears that we +have more money than Henry George believes to be right. Now," continued +Mr. Campbell, straightening himself as though he were about to touch +upon the real subject of his talk, "when the news of your return, Mr. +Bennett, was received, it was, as of course you understand, the one +topic of conversation in the streets, the clubs, the newspaper +offices--everywhere. Tremlidge and I met at our club at luncheon the +next week, and I remember perfectly well how long and how very earnestly +we talked of your work and of arctic exploration in general. + +"We found out all of a sudden that here at last was a subject we were +agreed upon, a subject in which we took an extraordinary mutual +interest. We discovered that we had read almost every explorer's book +from Sir John Franklin down. We knew all about the different theories +and plans of reaching the Pole. We knew how and why they had all failed; +but, for all that, we were both of the opinion" (Campbell leaned +forward, speaking with considerable energy) "that it can be done, and +that America ought to do it. That would be something better than even a +World's Fair. + +"We give out a good deal of money, Tremlidge and I, every year to public +works and one thing or another. We buy pictures by American +artists--pictures that we don't want; we found a scholarship now and +then; we contribute money to build groups of statuary in the park; we +give checks to the finance committees of libraries and museums and all +the rest of it, but, for the lives of us, we can feel only a mild +interest in the pictures and statues, and museums and colleges, though +we go on buying the one and supporting the other, because we think that +somehow it is right for us to do it. I'm afraid we are men more of +action than of art, literature, and the like. Tremlidge is, I know. He +wants facts, accomplished results. When he gives out his money he wants +to see the concrete, substantial return--and I'm not sure that I am not +of the same way of thinking. + +"Well, with this and with that, and after talking it all over a dozen +times--twenty times--we came to the conclusion that what we would most +like to aid financially would be a successful attempt by an +American-built ship, manned by American seamen, led by an American +commander, to reach the North Pole. We came to be very enthusiastic +about our idea; but we want it American from start to finish. We will +start the subscription, and want to head the list with our checks; but +we want every bolt in that ship forged in American foundries from metal +dug out of American soil. We want every plank in her hull shaped from +American trees, every sail of her woven by American looms, every man of +her born of American parents, and we want it this way because we believe +in American manufactures, because we believe in American shipbuilding, +because we believe in American sailmakers, and because we believe in the +intelligence and pluck and endurance and courage of the American sailor. + +"Well," Campbell continued, changing his position and speaking in a +quieter voice, "we did not say much to anybody, and, in fact, we never +really planned any expedition at all. We merely talked about its +practical nature and the desirability of having it distinctively +American. This was all last summer. What we wanted to do was to make the +scheme a popular one. It would not be hard to raise a hundred thousand +dollars from among a dozen or so men whom we both know, and we found +that we could count upon the financial support of Mr. Garlock's society. +That was all very well, but we wanted the _people_ to back this +enterprise. We would rather get a thousand five-dollar subscriptions +than five of a thousand dollars each. When our ship went out we wanted +her commander to feel, not that there were merely a few millionaires, +who had paid for his equipment and his vessel, behind him, but that he +had seventy millions of people, a whole nation, at his back. + +"So Tremlidge went to work and telegraphed instructions to the +Washington correspondents of his paper to sound quietly the temper of as +many Congressmen as possible in the matter of making an appropriation +toward such an expedition. It was not so much the money we wanted as the +sanction of the United States. Anything that has to do with the Navy is +popular just at present. We had got a Congressman to introduce and +father an appropriation bill, and we could count upon the support of +enough members of both houses to put it through. We wanted Congress to +appropriate twenty thousand dollars. We hoped to raise another ten +thousand dollars by popular subscription. Mr. Garlock could assure us +two thousand dollars; Tremlidge would contribute twenty thousand dollars +in the name of the Times, and I pledged myself to ten thousand dollars, +and promised to build the ship's engines and fittings. We kept our +intentions to ourselves, as Tremlidge did not want the other papers to +get hold of the story before the Times printed it. But we continued to +lay our wires at Washington. Everything was going as smooth as oil; we +seemed sure of the success of our appropriation bill, and it was even to +be introduced next week, when the news came of the collapse of the +English expedition--the Duane-Parsons affair. + +"You would have expected precisely an opposite effect, but it has +knocked our chances with Congress into a cocked hat. Our member, who was +to father the bill, declared to us that so sure as it was brought up now +it would be killed in committee. I went to Washington at once; it was +this, and not, as you supposed, private business that has taken me away. +I saw our member and Tremlidge's head correspondent. It was absolutely +no use. These men who have their finger upon the Congressional pulse +were all of the same opinion. It would be useless to try to put through +our bill at present. Our member said 'Wait;' all Tremlidge's men said +'Wait--wait for another year, until this English expedition and its +failure are forgotten, and then try again.' But we don't want to wait. +Suppose Duane _is_ blocked for the present. He has a tremendous start. +He's on the ground. By next summer the chances are the ice will have so +broken up as to permit him to push ahead, and by the time our bill gets +through and our ship built and launched he may be--heaven knows where, +right up to the Pole, perhaps. No, we can't afford to give England such +long odds. We want to lay the keel of our ship as soon as we can--next +week, if possible; we've got the balance of the summer and all the +winter to prepare in, and a year from this month we want our American +expedition to be inside the polar circle, to be up with Duane, and at +least to break even with England. If we can do that we're not afraid of +the result, provided," continued Mr. Campbell, "provided _you_, Mr. +Bennett, are in command. If you consent to make the attempt, only one +point remains to be settled. Congress has failed us. We will give up the +idea of an appropriation. Now, then, and this is particularly what we +want to consult you about, how are we going to raise the twenty thousand +dollars?" + +Lloyd rose to her feet. + +"You may draw on me for the amount," she said quietly. + +Garlock uncrossed his legs and sat up abruptly in the deep-seated chair. +Tremlidge screwed his monocle into his eye and stared, while Campbell +turned about sharply at the sound of Lloyd's voice with a murmur of +astonishment. Bennett alone did not move. As before, he leaned heavily +against the mantelpiece, his hands in his pockets, his head and his huge +shoulders a little bent. Only from under his thick, knotted frown he +shot a swift glance toward his wife. Lloyd paid no attention to the +others. After that one quiet movement that had brought her to her feet +she remained motionless and erect, her hands hanging straight at her +sides, the colour slowly mounting to her cheeks. She met Bennett's +glance and held it steadily, calmly, looking straight into his eyes. She +said no word, but all her love for him, all her hopes of him, all the +fine, strong resolve that, come what would, his career should not be +broken, his ambition should not faint through any weakness of hers, all +her eager sympathy for his great work, all her strong, womanly +encouragement for him to accomplish his destiny spoke to him, and called +to him in that long, earnest look of her dull-blue eyes. Now she was no +longer weak; now she could face the dreary consequences that, for her, +must follow the rousing of his dormant energy; now was no longer the +time for indirect appeal; the screen was down between them. More +eloquent than any spoken words was the calm, steady gaze in which she +held his own. + +There was a long silence while husband and wife stood looking deep into +each other's eyes. And then, as a certain slow kindling took place in +his look, Lloyd saw that at last Bennett _understood_. + +After that the conference broke up rapidly. Campbell, as the head and +spokesman of the committee, noted the long, significant glance that had +passed between Bennett and Lloyd, and, perhaps, vaguely divined that he +had touched upon a matter of a particularly delicate and intimate +nature. Something was in the air, something was passing between husband +and wife in which the outside world had no concern--something not meant +for him to see. He brought the interview to an end as quickly as +possible. He begged of Bennett to consider this talk as a mere +preliminary--a breaking of the ground. He would give Bennett time to +think it over. Speaking for himself and the others, he was deeply +impressed with that generous offer to meet the unexpected deficiency, +but it had been made upon the spur of the moment. No doubt Mr. Bennett +and his wife would wish to talk it over between themselves, to consider +the whole matter. The committee temporarily had its headquarters in his +(Campbell's) offices. He left Bennett the address. He would await his +decision and answer there. + +When the conference ended Bennett accompanied the members of the +committee downstairs and to the front door of the house. The three had, +with thanks and excuses, declined all invitations to dine at Medford +with Bennett and his wife. They could conveniently catch the next train +back to the City; Campbell and Tremlidge were in a hurry to return to +their respective businesses. + +The front gate closed. Bennett was left alone. He shut the front door of +the house, and for an instant stood leaning against it, his small eyes +twinkling under his frown, his glance straying aimlessly about amid the +familiar objects of the hallway and adjoining rooms. He was thoughtful, +perturbed, tugging slowly at the ends of his mustache. Slowly he +ascended the stairs, gaining the landing on the second floor and going +on toward the half-open door of the "workroom" he had just quitted. +Lloyd was uppermost in his mind. He wanted her, his wife, and that at +once. He was conscious that a great thing had suddenly transpired; that +all the calm and infinitely happy life of the last year was ruthlessly +broken up; but in his mind there was nothing more definite, nothing +stronger than the thought of his wife and the desire for her +companionship and advice. + +He came into the "workroom," closing the door behind him with his heel, +his hands deep in his pockets. Lloyd was still there, standing opposite +him as he entered. She hardly seemed to have moved while he had been +gone. They did not immediately speak. Once more their eyes met. Then at +length: + +"Well, Lloyd?" + +"Well, my husband?" + +Bennett was about to answer--what, he hardly knew; but at that moment +there was a diversion. + +The old boat's flag, the tattered little square of faded stars and bars +that had been used to mark the line of many a weary march, had been +hanging, as usual, over the blue-print plans of the Freja on the wail +opposite the window. Inadequately fixed in its place, the jar of the +closing door as Bennett shut it behind him dislodged it, and it fell to +the floor close beside him. + +He stooped and picked it up, and, holding it in his hand, turned toward +the spot whence it had fallen. He cast a glance at the wall above the +plans of the Freja, about to replace it, willing for the instant to +defer the momentous words he felt must soon be spoken, willing to put +off the inevitable a few seconds longer. + +"I don't know," he muttered, looking from the flag to the empty +wall-spaces about the room; "I don't know just where to put this. Do +you--" + +"Don't you know?" interrupted Lloyd suddenly, her blue eyes all alight. + +"No," said Bennett; "I--" + +Lloyd caught the flag from his hands and, with one great sweep of her +arm, drove its steel-shod shaft full into the centre of the great chart +of the polar region, into the innermost concentric circle where the Pole +was marked. + +"Put that flag there!" she cried. + + + + +XI. + + +That particular day in the last week in April was sombre and somewhat +chilly, but there was little wind. The water of the harbour lay smooth +as a sheet of tightly stretched gray silk. Overhead the sea-fog drifted +gradually landward, descending, as it drifted, till the outlines of the +City grew blurred and indistinct, resolving to a dim, vast mass, rugged +with high-shouldered office buildings and bulging, balloon-like domes, +confused and mysterious under the cloak of the fog. In the nearer +foreground, along the lines of the wharves and docks, a wilderness of +masts and spars of a tone just darker than the gray of the mist stood +away from the blur of the background with the distinctness and delicacy +of frost-work. + +But amid all this grayness of sky and water and fog one distinguished +certain black and shifting masses. They outlined every wharf, they +banked every dock, every quay. Every small and inconsequent jetty had +its fringe of black. Even the roofs of the buildings along the +water-front were crested with the same dull-coloured mass. + +It was the People, the crowd, rank upon rank, close-packed, expectant, +thronging there upon the City's edge, swelling in size with the lapse of +every minute, vast, conglomerate, restless, and throwing off into the +stillness of the quiet gray air a prolonged, indefinite murmur, a +monotonous minor note. + +The surface of the bay was dotted over with all manner of craft black +with people. Rowboats, perilously overcrowded, were everywhere. +Ferryboats and excursion steamers, chartered for that day, heeled over +almost to the water's edge with the unsteady weight of their passengers. +Tugboats passed up and down similarly crowded and displaying the flags +of various journals and news organisations--the News, the Press, the +Times, and the Associated Press. Private yachts, trim and very graceful +and gleaming with brass and varnish, slipped by with scarcely a ripple +to mark their progress, while full in the centre of the bay, gigantic, +solid, formidable, her grim, silent guns thrusting their snouts from her +turrets, a great, white battleship rode motionless to her anchor. + +An hour passed; noon came. At long intervals a faint seaward breeze +compressed the fog, and high, sad-coloured clouds and a fine and +penetrating rain came drizzling down. The crowds along the wharves grew +denser and blacker. The numbers of yachts, boats, and steamers +increased; even the yards and masts of the merchant-ships were dotted +over with watchers. + +Then, at length, from far up the bay there came a faint, a barely +perceptible, droning sound, the sound of distant shouting. Instantly the +crowds were alert, and a quick, surging movement rippled from end to end +of the throng along the water-front. Its subdued murmur rose in pitch +upon the second. Like a flock of agitated gulls, the boats in the +harbour stirred nimbly from place to place; a belated newspaper tug tore +by, headed for the upper bay, smoking fiercely, the water boiling from +her bows. From the battleship came the tap of a drum. The excursion +steamers and chartered ferryboats moved to points of vantage and took +position, occasionally feeling the water with their paddles. + +The distant, droning sound drew gradually nearer, swelling in volume, +and by degrees splitting into innumerable component parts. One began to +distinguish the various notes that contributed to its volume--a sharp, +quick volley of inarticulate shouts or a cadenced cheer or a hoarse +salvo of steam whistles. Bells began to ring in different quarters of +the City. + +Then all at once the advancing wave of sound swept down like the rush of +a great storm. A roar as of the unchained wind leaped upward from those +banked and crowding masses. It swelled louder and louder, deafening, +inarticulate. A vast bellow of exultation split the gray, low-hanging +heavens. Erect plumes of steam shot upward from the ferry and excursion +boats, but the noise of their whistles was lost and drowned in the +reverberation of that mighty and prolonged clamour. But suddenly the +indeterminate thunder was pierced and dominated by a sharp and +deep-toned report, and a jet of white smoke shot out from the flanks of +the battleship. Her guns had spoken. Instantly and from another quarter +of her hull came another jet of white smoke, stabbed through with its +thin, yellow flash, and another abrupt clap of thunder shook the windows +of the City. + +The boats that all the morning had been moving toward the upper bay were +returning. They came slowly, a veritable fleet, steaming down the bay, +headed for the open sea, beyond the entrance of the harbour, each +crowded and careening to the very gunwales, each whistling with might +and main. + +And in their midst--the storm-centre round which this tempest of +acclamation surged, the object on which so many eyes were focussed, the +hope of an entire nation--one ship. + +She was small and seemingly pitifully inadequate for the great adventure +on which she was bound; her lines were short and ungraceful. From her +clumsy iron-shod bow to her high, round stern, from her bulging sides to +the summit of her short, powerful masts there was scant beauty in her. +She was broad, blunt, evidently slow in her movements, and in the smooth +waters of the bay seemed out of her element. But, for all that, she +imparted an impression of compactness, the compactness of things dwarfed +and stunted. Vast, indeed, would be the force that would crush those +bulging flanks, so cunningly built, moreover, that the ship must slip +and rise to any too great lateral pressure. Far above her waist rose her +smokestack. Overhead upon the mainmast was affixed the crow's nest. +Whaleboats and cutters swung from her davits, while all her decks were +cumbered with barrels, with crates, with boxes and strangely shaped +bales and cases. + +She drew nearer, continuing that slow, proud progress down the bay, +honoured as no visiting sovereign had ever been. The great white +man-of-war dressed ship as she passed, and the ensign at her +fighting-top dipped and rose again. At once there was a movement aboard +the little outbound ship; one of her crew ran aft and hauled sharply at +the halyards, and then at her peak there was broken out not the +brilliant tri-coloured banner, gay and brave and clean, but a little +length of bunting, tattered and soiled, a faded breadth of stars and +bars, a veritable battle-flag, eloquent of strenuous endeavour, of +fighting without quarter, and of hardship borne without flinching and +without complaining. + +The ship with her crowding escorts held onward. By degrees the City was +passed; the bay narrowed oceanwards little by little. The throng of +people, the boom of cannon, and the noise of shouting dropped astern. +One by one the boats of the escorting squadron halted, drew off, and, +turning with a parting blast of their whistles, headed back to the City. +Only the larger, heavier steamers and the sea-going tugs still kept on +their way. On either shore of the bay the houses began to dwindle, +giving place to open fields, brown and sear under the scudding sea-fog, +for now a wind was building up from out the east, and the surface of the +bay had begun to ruffle. + +Half a mile farther on the slow, huge, groundswells began to come in; a +lighthouse was passed. Full in view, on ahead, stretched the open, empty +waste of ocean. Another steamer turned back, then another, then another, +then the last of the newspaper tugs. The fleet, reduced now to half a +dozen craft, ploughed on through and over the groundswells, the ship +they were escorting leading the way, her ragged little ensign straining +stiff in the ocean wind. At the entrance of the bay, where the enclosing +shores drew together and trailed off to surf-beaten sand-spits, three +more of the escort halted, and, unwilling to face the tumbling expanse +of the ocean, bleak and gray, turned homeward. Then just beyond the bar +two more of the remaining boats fell off and headed Cityward; a third +immediately did likewise. The outbound ship was left with only one +companion. + +But that one, a sturdy little sea-going tug, held close, close to the +flank of the departing vessel, keeping even pace with her and lying +alongside as nearly as she dared, for the fog had begun to thicken, and +distant objects were shut from sight by occasional drifting patches. + +On board the tug there was but one passenger--a woman. She stood upon +the forward deck, holding to a stanchion with one strong, white hand, +the strands of her bronze-red hair whipping across her face, the salt +spray damp upon her cheeks. She was dressed in a long, brown ulster, its +cape flying from her shoulders as the wind lifted it. Small as was the +outgoing ship, the tug was still smaller, and its single passenger had +to raise her eyes above her to see the figure of a man upon the bridge +of the ship, a tall, heavily built figure, buttoned from heel to chin in +a greatcoat, who stood there gripping the rail of the bridge with one +hand, and from time to time giving an order to his sailing-master, who +stood in the centre of the bridge before the compass and electric +indicator. + +Between the man upon the bridge and the woman on the forward deck of the +tug there was from time to time a little conversation. They called to +one another above the throbbing of the engines and the wash of the sea +alongside, and in the sound of their voices there was a note of +attempted cheerfulness. Practically they were alone, with the exception +of the sailing-master on the bridge. The crew of the ship were nowhere +in sight. On the tug no one but the woman was to be seen. All around +them stretched the fog-ridden sea. + +Then at last, in answer to a question from the man on the bridge, the +woman said: + +"Yes--I think I had better." + +An order was given. The tug's bell rang in her engine-room, and the +engine slowed and stopped. For some time the tug continued her headway, +ranging alongside the ship as before. Then she began to fall behind, at +first slowly, then with increasing swiftness. The outbound ship +continued on her way, and between the two the water widened and widened. +But the fog was thick; in another moment the two would be shut out from +each other's sight. The moment of separation was come. + +Then Lloyd, standing alone on that heaving deck, drew herself up to her +full height, her head a little back, her blue eyes all alight, a smile +upon her lips. She spoke no word. She made no gesture, but stood there, +the smile yet upon her lips, erect, firm, motionless; looking steadily, +calmly, proudly into Bennett's eyes as his ship carried him farther and +farther away. + +Suddenly the fog shut down. The two vessels were shut from each other's +sight. + +As Bennett stood leaning upon the rail of the bridge behind him, his +hands deep in the pockets of his greatcoat, his eyes fixed on the +visible strip of water just ahead of his ship's prow, the +sailing-master, Adler, approached and saluted. + +"Beg pardon, sir," he said, "we're just clear of the last buoy; what's +our course now, sir?" + +Bennett glanced at the chart that Adler held and then at the compass +affixed to the rail of the bridge close at hand. Quietly he answered: + +"Due north." + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MAN'S WOMAN*** + + +******* This file should be named 16096.txt or 16096.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/6/0/9/16096 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. 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