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diff --git a/16012-h/16012-h.htm b/16012-h/16012-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bfa1cdb --- /dev/null +++ b/16012-h/16012-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,10694 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Ned M'Keown Stories by William Carleton + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd7; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ned M'Keown Stories, by William Carleton + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Ned M'Keown Stories + Traits And Stories Of The Irish Peasantry, The Works of + William Carleton, Volume Three + +Author: William Carleton + +Illustrator: M. L. Flanery + +Release Date: June 7, 2005 [EBook #16012] +Last Updated: March 2, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE NED M'KEOWN STORIES *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + <h1> + THE WORKS OF WILLIAM CARLETON + </h1> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + VOLUME III. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> + <!-- IMG --></a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img src="images/page698.jpg" alt="Frontispiece " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> + <!-- IMG --></a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img src="images/titlepage.jpg" alt="Titlepage " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + TRAITS AND STORIES OF THE IRISH PEASANTRY + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h1> + The Ned M'Keown Stories + </h1> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <h2> + CONTENTS + </h2> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_INTR"> INTRODUCTION. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> NED M'KEOWN. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> THE THREE TASKS. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> SHANE FADH'S WEDDING. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> LARRY M'FARLAND'S WAKE. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> THE BATTLE OF THE FACTIONS. </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + List of Illustrations + </h2> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#linkimage-0001"> Frontispiece </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#linkimage-0002"> Titlepage </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#linkimage-0003"> Page 656— Bringing Home “graceless + Ned,” </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#linkimage-0004"> Age 676— Throw It over Your Left + Shoulder </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#linkimage-0005"> Page 693— How he Kept his Sate So Long + Has Puzzled Me </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#linkimage-0006"> Page 713— 'Why, Larry,' Says He, 'how + Did You Get In' </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#linkimage-0007"> Page 725— The Man Who Could Hit That + Could Hit Anything </a> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + 1881. + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_INTR" id="link2H_INTR"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + INTRODUCTION. + </h2> + <p> + It will naturally be expected, upon a new issue of works which may be said + to treat exclusively of a people who form such an important and + interesting portion of the empire as the Irish peasantry do, that the + author should endeavor to prepare the minds of his readers—especially + those of the English and Scotch—for understanding more clearly their + general character, habits of thought, and modes of feeling, as they exist + and are depicted in the subsequent volume. This is a task which the author + undertakes more for the sake of his country than himself; and he rejoices + that the demand for the present edition puts it in his power to aid in + removing many absurd prejudices which have existed for time immemorial + against his countrymen. + </p> + <p> + It is well known that the character of an Irishman has been hitherto + uniformly associated with the idea of something unusually ridiculous, and + that scarcely anything in the shape of language was supposed to proceed + from his lips, but an absurd congeries of brogue and blunder. The habit of + looking upon him in a ludicrous light has been so strongly impressed upon + the English mind, that no opportunity has ever been omitted of throwing + him into an attitude of gross and overcharged caricature, from which you + might as correctly estimate his intellectual strength and moral + proportions, as you would the size of a man from his evening shadow. From + the immortal bard of Avon down to the writers of the present day, neither + play nor farce has ever been presented to Englishmen, in which, when an + irishman is introduced, he is not drawn as a broad, grotesque blunderer, + every sentence he speaks involving a bull, and every act the result of + headlong folly, or cool but unstudied effrontery. I do not remember an + instance in which he acts upon the stage any other part than that of the + buffoon of the piece uttering language which, wherever it may have been + found, was at all events never heard in Ireland, unless upon the boards of + a theatre. As for the Captain O'Cutters, O'Blunders, and Dennis + Bulgrudderies, of the English stage, they never had existence except in + the imagination of those who were as ignorant of the Irish people as they + were of their language and feelings. Even Sheridan himself was forced to + pander to this erroneous estimate and distorted conception of our + character; for, after all, Sir Lucius O'Trigger was his Irishman but not + Ireland's Irishman. I know that several of my readers may remind me of Sir + Boyle Roche, whose bulls have become not only notorious, but proverbial. + It is well known now, however, and was when he made them, that they were + studied bulls, resorted to principally for the purpose of putting the + government and opposition sides of the Irish House of Commons into good + humor with each other, which they never failed to do—thereby, on + more occasions than one, probably, preventing the effusion of blood, and + the loss of life, among men who frequently decided even their political + differences by the sword or pistol. + </p> + <p> + That the Irish either were or are a people remarkable for making bulls or + blunders, is an imputation utterly unfounded, and in every sense untrue. + The source of this error on the part of our neighbors is, however, readily + traced. The language of our people has been for centuries, and is up to + the present day, in a transition state. The English tongue is gradually + superseding the Irish. In my own native place, for instance, there is not + by any means so much Irish spoken now, as there was about twenty or + five-and-twenty years ago. This fact, then, will easily account for the + ridicule which is, and I fear ever will be, unjustly heaped upon those who + are found to use a language which they do not properly understand. In the + early periods of communication between the countries, when they stood in a + hostile relation to each other, and even long afterwards, it was not + surprising that “the wild Irishman” who expressed himself with difficulty, + and often impressed the idiom of his own language upon one with which he + was not familiar, should incur, in the opinion of those who were strongly + prejudiced against him, the character of making the bulls and blunders + attributed to him. Such was the fact, and such the origin of this national + slander upon his intellect,—a slander which, like every other, + originates from the prejudice of those who were unacquainted with the + quickness and clearness of thought that in general characterizes the + language of our people. At this moment there is no man acquainted with the + inhabitants of the two countries, who does not know, that where the + English is vernacular in Ireland, it is spoken with far more purity, and + grammatical precision than is to be heard beyond the Channel. Those, then, + who are in the habit of defending what are termed our bulls, or of + apologizing for them, do us injustice; and Miss Edgeworth herself, when + writing an essay upon the subject, wrote an essay upon that which does + not, and never did exist. These observations, then, easily account for the + view of us which has always been taken in the dramatic portion of English + literature. There the Irishman was drawn in every instance as the object + of ridicule, and consequently of contempt; for it is incontrovertibly + true, that the man whom you laugh at you will soon despise. + </p> + <p> + In every point of view this was wrong, but principally in a political one. + At that time England and Englishmen knew very little of Ireland, and, + consequently, the principal opportunities afforded them of appreciating + our character were found on the stage. Of course, it was very natural that + the erroneous estimate of us which they formed there should influence them + everywhere else. We cannot sympathize with, and laugh at, the same object + at the same time; and if the Irishman found himself undeservedly the + object of coarse and unjust ridicule, it was not very unnatural that he + should requite it with a prejudice against the principles and feelings of + Englishmen, quite as strong as that which was entertained against himself. + Had this ridicule been confined to the stage, or directed at us in the + presence of those who had other and better opportunities of knowing us, it + would have been comparatively harmless. But this was not the case. It + passed from the stage into the recesses of private life, wrought itself + into the feelings until it became a prejudice, and the Irishman was + consequently looked upon, and treated, as being made up of absurdity and + cunning,—a compound of knave and fool, fit only to be punished for + his knavery, or laughed at for his folly. So far, therefore, that portion + of English literature which attempted to describe the language and habits + of Irishmen, was unconsciously creating an unfriendly feeling between the + two countries, a feeling which, I am happy to say, is fast disappearing, + and which only requires that we should have a full and fair acquaintance + with each other in order to be removed for ever. + </p> + <p> + At present, indeed, their mutual positions, civil, commercial, and + political, are very different from what they were half a century ago, or + even at a more recent period. The progress of science, and the astonishing + improvements in steam and machinery, have so completely removed the + obstructions which impeded their intercourse, that the two nations can now + scarcely be considered as divided. As a natural consequence, their + knowledge of each other has improved; and, as will always happen with + generous people, they begin to see that the one was neither knave or fool, + nor the other a churl or a boor. Thus has mutual respect arisen from + mutual intercourse, and those who hitherto approached each other with + distrust are beginning to perceive, that in spite of political or + religious prejudices, no matter how stimulated, the truthful experience of + life will in the event create nothing but good-will and confidence between + the countries. + </p> + <p> + Other causes, however, led to this;—causes which in every state of + society exercise a quick and powerful influence over the minds of men:—I + allude to literature. + </p> + <p> + When the Irishman was made to stand forth as the butt of ridicule to his + neighbors, the first that undertook his vindication was Maria Edgeworth. + During her day, the works of no writer made a more forcible impression + upon the circles of fashionable life in England, if we except the touching + and inimitable Melodies of my countryman, Thomas Moore. After a lapse of + some years, these two were followed by many others, who stood forth as + lofty and powerful exponents of the national heart and intellect. Who can + forget the melancholy but indignant reclamations of John Banim,—the + dark and touching power of Gerald Griffin,—or the unrivalled wit and + irresistible drollery of Samuel Lover? Nor can I omit remarking, that + amidst the array of great talents to which I allude, the genius of our + female writers bore off, by the free award of public opinion, some of the + brightest wreaths of Irish literature. It would be difficult indeed, in + any country, to name three women who have done more in setting right the + character of Ireland and her people, whilst exhibiting at the same time + the manifestations of high genius, than Miss Edgeworth, Lady Morgan, and + Mrs. Hall. About the female creations ol the last-named lady, especially, + there is a touching charm, blending the graceful and the pensive, which + reminds us of a very general but peculiar style of Irish beauty, where the + lineaments of the face combine at once both the melancholy and the + mirthful in such a manner, that their harmony constitutes the unchangeable + but ever-varying tenderness of the expression. + </p> + <p> + That national works like these, at once so healthful and so true, produced + by those who knew the country, and exhibiting Irishmen not as the + blundering buffoons of the English stage, but as men capable of thinking + clearly and feeling deeply—that such works, I say, should enable a + generous people, as the English undoubtedly are, to divest themselves of + the prejudices which they had so long entertained against us, is both + natural and gratifying. Those who achieved this great object, or aided in + achieving it, have unquestionably rendered services of a most important + nature to both the countries, as well as to literature in general. + </p> + <p> + Yet, whilst the highly gifted individuals whom I have named succeeded in + making their countrymen respected, there was one circumstance which, + nothwithstanding every exhibition of their genius and love of country, + still remained as a reproach against our character as a nation. For nearly + a century we were completely at the mercy of our British neighbors, who + probably amused themselves at our expense with the greater license, and a + more assured sense of impunity, inasmuch as they knew that we were utterly + destitute of a national literature. Unfortunately the fact could not be + disputed. For the last half century, to come down as far as we can, + Ireland, to use a plain metaphor, instead of producing her native + intellect for home consumption, was forced to subsist upon the scanty + supplies which could be procured from the sister kingdom. This was a + reproach which added great strength to the general prejudice against us. + </p> + <p> + A nation may produce one man or ten men of eminence, but if they cannot + succeed in impressing their mind upon the spirit and intellect of their + own country, so as to create in her a taste for literature or science, no + matter how highly they may be appreciated by strangers, they have not + reached the exalted purposes of genius. To make this more plain I shall + extend the metaphor a little farther. During some of the years of Irish + famine, such were the unhappy circumstances of the country, that she was + exporting provisions of every description in most prodigal abundance, + which the generosity of England was sending back again for our support. So + was it with literature, our men and women of genius uniformly carried + their talents to the English market, whilst we labored at home under all + the dark privations of a literary famine. + </p> + <p> + In truth, until within the last ten or twelve years, an Irish author never + thought of publishing in his own country, and the consequence was that our + literary men followed the example of our great landlords; they became + absentees, and drained the country of its intellectual wealth precisely as + the others exhausted it of its rents. + </p> + <p> + Thus did Ireland stand in the singular anomaly of adding some of her most + distinguished names to the literature of Great Britain, whilst she herself + remained incapable of presenting anything to the world beyond a + school-book or a pamphlet; and even of the latter it is well-known that if + the subject of it were considered important, and its author a man of any + talent or station in society, it was certain to be published in London. + </p> + <p> + Precisely in this state was the country when the two first volumes of the + “Traits and Stories of the Irish Peasantry” were given to the public by + the house of Messrs. Gurry and Co., of Sackville Street. Before they + appeared, their author, in consequence of their originating from an Irish + press, entertained no expectation that they would be read, or excite any + interest whatever in either England or Scotland. He was not, however, + without a strong confidence that notwithstanding the wild and uncleared + state of his own country at the time, so far as native literature was + concerned, his two little pioneers would work their way with at least + moderate success. He felt conscious that everything depicted in them was + true, and that by those who were acquainted with the manners, and + language, and feelings of the people, they would sooner or later be + recognized as faithful delineations of Irish life. In this confidence the + event justified him; for not only were his volumes stamped with an + immediate popularity at home, where they could be best appreciated, but + awarded a very gratifying position in the literature of the day by the + unanimous and not less generous verdict of the English and Scotch critics. + </p> + <p> + Thus it was that the publication of two unpretending volumes, written by a + peasant's son, established an important and gratifying fact—that our + native country, if without a literature at the time, was at least capable + of appreciating, and willing to foster the humble exertions of such as + endeavored to create one. Nor was this all; for so far as resident authors + were concerned, it was now clearly established that an Irish writer could + be successful at home without the necessity of appearing under the name + and sanction of the great London or Edinburgh booksellers. + </p> + <p> + The rapid sale and success of the first series encouraged the author to + bring out a second, which he did, but with a different bookseller. The + spirit of publishing was now beginning to extend, and the talent of the + country to put itself in motion. The popularity of the second effort + surpassed that of the first, and the author had the gratification of + knowing that the generosity of public feeling and opinion accorded him a + still higher position than before, as did the critics of the day, without + a dissentient voice. Still, as in the case of his first effort, he saw + with honest pride that his own country and his countrymen placed the + highest value upon his works, because they best understood them. + </p> + <p> + About this time the literary taste of the metropolis began to feel the + first symptoms of life. As yet, however, they were very faint. Two or + three periodicals were attempted, and though of very considerable merit, + and conducted by able men, none of them, I believe, reached a year's + growth. The “Dublin Literary Gazette,” the “National Magazine,” the + “Dublin Monthly Magazine,” and the “Dublin University Review,” all + perished in their infancy—not, however, because they were unworthy + of success, but because Ireland was not then what she is now fast + becoming, a reading, and consequently a thinking, country. To every one of + these the author contributed, and he has the satisfaction of being able to + say that there has been no publication projected purely for the + advancement of literature in his own country, to which he has not given + the aid of his pen, such as it was, and this whether he received + remuneration or not. Indeed, the consciousness that the success of his + works had been the humble means of inciting others to similar exertion in + their own country, and of thus giving the first impulse to our literature, + is one which has on his part created an enthusiastic interest in it which + will only die with him. + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding the failure of the periodicals just mentioned, it was + clear that the intellect of the country was beginning to feel its strength + and put forth its power. A national spirit that rose above the narrow + distinctions of creed and party began to form itself, and in the first + impulses of its early enthusiasm a periodical was established, which it is + only necessary to name—the “Dublin University Magazine”—a work + unsurpassed by any magazine of the day; and which, moreover, without ever + departing from its principles, has been as a bond of union for literary + men of every class, who have from time to time enriched its pages by their + contributions. It has been, and is, a neutral spot in a country where + party feeling runs so high, on which the Roman Catholic Priest and the + Protestant Parson, the Whig, the Tory, and the Radical, divested of their + respective prejudices, can meet in an amicable spirit. I mention these + things with great satisfaction, for it is surely a gratification to know + that literature, in a country which has been so much distracted as + Ireland, is progressing in a spirit of noble candor and generosity, which + is ere long likely to produce a most salutary effect among the educated + classes of all parties, and consequently among those whom they influence. + The number, ability, and importance of the works which have issued from + the Dublin press within the last eight or ten years, if they could be + enumerated here, would exhibit the rapid progress of the national mind, + and satisfy the reader that Ireland in a few years will be able to sustain + a native literature as lofty and generous, and beneficial to herself, as + any other country in the world can boast of. + </p> + <p> + This hasty sketch of its progress I felt myself called upon to give, in + order that our neighbors may know what we have done, and learn to respect + us accordingly; and, if the truth must be told, from a principle of honest + pride, arising from the position which our country holds, and is likely to + hold, as an intellectual nation. + </p> + <p> + Having disposed of this topic, I come now to one of not less importance as + being connected with the other,—the condition and character of the + peasantry of Ireland. + </p> + <p> + It maybe necessary, however, before entering upon this topic, to give my + readers some satisfactory assurance that the subject is one which I ought + well to understand, not only from my humble position in early life, and my + uninterrupted intercourse with the people as one of themselves, until I + had reached the age of twenty-two years, but from the fact of having + bestowed upon it my undivided and most earnest attention ever since I left + the dark mountains and green vales of my native Tyrone, and began to + examine human life and manners as a citizen of the world. As it is + admitted, also, that there exists no people whose character is so + anomalous as that of the Irish, and consequently so difficult to be + understood, especially by strangers, it becomes a still more appropriate + duty on my part to give to the public, proofs sufficiently valid, that I + come to a subject of such difficulty with unusual advantages on my side, + and that, consequently, my exhibitions of Irish peasant life, in its most + comprehensive sense, may be relied on as truthful and authentic. For this + purpose, it will be necessary that I should give a brief sketch of my own + youth, early station in society, and general education, as the son of an + honest, humble peasant. + </p> + <p> + My father, indeed, was a very humble man, but, in consequence of his + unaffected piety and stainless integrity of principle, he was held in high + esteem by all who knew him, no matter what their rank in life might be. + When the state of education in Ireland during his youth and that of my + mother is considered, it will not be a matter of surprise that what they + did receive was very limited. It would be difficult, however, if not + impossible, to find two persons in their lowly station so highly and + singularly gifted. My father possessed a memory not merely great or + surprising, but absolutely astonishing. He could repeat nearly the whole + of the Old and New Testament by heart, and was, besides, a living index to + almost every chapter and verse you might wish to find in it. In all other + respects, too, his memory was equally amazing. My native place is a spot + rife with old legends, tales, traditions, customs, and superstitions; so + that in my early youth, even beyond the walls of my own humble roof, they + met me in every direction. It was at home, however, and from my father's + lips in particular, that they were perpetually sounding in my ears. In + fact, his memory was a perfect storehouse, and a rich one, of all that the + social antiquary, the man of letters, the poet, or the musician, would + consider valuable. As a teller of old tales, legends, and historical + anecdotes he was unrivalled, and his stock of them was inexhaustible. He + spoke the Irish and English languages with nearly equal fluency. With all + kinds of charms, old ranns, or poems, old prophecies, religious + superstitions, tales of pilgrims, miracles, and pilgrimages, anecdotes of + blessed priests and friars, revelations from ghosts and fairies, was he + thoroughly acquainted. And so strongly were all these impressed upon my + mind, by frequent repetition on his part, and the indescribable delight + they gave me on mine, that I have hardly ever since heard, during a + tolerably enlarged intercourse with Irish society, both educated and + uneducated, with the antiquary, the scholar, or the humble senachie—any + single tradition, usage, or legend, that, as far as I can at present + recollect, was perfectly new to me or unheard before, in some similar or + cognate dress. This is certainly saying much; but I believe I may assert + with confidence that I could produce, in attestation of its truth, the + dairies of Petrie, Sir W. Betham, Ferguson, and O'Donovan, the most + distinguished antiquaries, both of social usages and otherwise, that ever + Ireland produced. What rendered this, besides, of such peculiar advantage + to me in after life, as a literary man, was, that I heard them as often in + the Irish language as in the English, if not oftener, in circumstance + which enabled me in my writings to transfer the genius, the idiomatic + peculiarity and conversational spirit of the one language into the other, + precisely as the people themselves do in their dialogue, whenever the + heart or imagination happens to be moved by the darker or better passions. + </p> + <p> + Having thus stated faithfully, without adding or diminishing, a portion, + and a portion only, of what I owe to one parent, I cannot overlook the + debt of gratitude which is due to the memory of the other. + </p> + <p> + My mother, whose name was Kelly—Mary Kelly—possessed the + sweetest and most exquisite of human voices. In her early life, I have + often been told by those who had heard her sing, that any previous + intimation of her presence at a wake, dance, or other festive occasion, + was sure to attract crowds of persons, many from a distance of several + miles, in order to hear from her lips the touching old airs of their + country. No sooner was it known that she would attend any such meeting, + than the fact spread throughout the neighborhood like wild-fire, and the + people flocked from all parts to hear her, just as the fashionable world + do now, when the name of some eminent songstress is announced in the + papers; with this difference, that upon such occasions the voice of the + one falls only upon the ear, whilst that of the other sinks deeply into + the heart. She was not so well acquainted with the English tongue as my + father, although she spoke it with sufficient ease for all the purposes of + life; and for this reason, among others, she generally gave the old Irish + versions of the songs in question, rather than the English ones. This, + however, as I said, was not her sole motive. In the first place, she had + several old songs, which at that time,—I believe, too, I may add at + this,—had never been translated; and I very much fear that some + valuable ones, both as to words and airs, have perished with her. Her + family were all imbued with a poetical spirit, and some of her immediate + ancestors composed in the Irish tongue several fine old songs, in the same + manner as Carolan did; that is, some in praise of a patron or a friend, + and others to celebrate rustic beauties, that have long since been + sleeping in the dust. For this reason she had many old compositions that + were almost peculiar to our family, which I am afraid could not now be + procured at all, and are consequently lost. I think her uncle, and I + believe her grandfather, were the authors of several Irish poems and + songs, because I know that some of them she sang, and others she only + recited. + </p> + <p> + Independently of this, she had a prejudice against singing the Irish airs + to English words; an old custom of the country was thereby invaded, and an + association disturbed which habit had rendered dear to her. I remember on + one occasion, when she was asked to sing the English version of that + touching melody, “The Red-haired Man's Wife,” she replied, “I will sing it + for you; but the English words and the air are like a quarrelling man and + wife: the Irish melts into the tune, but the English doesn't,” an + expression scarcely less remarkable for its beauty than its truth. She + spoke the words in Irish. + </p> + <p> + This gift of singing with such sweetness and power the old sacred songs + and airs of Ireland, was not the only one for which she was remarkable. + Perhaps there never lived a human being capable of giving the Irish cry, + or Keene, with such exquisite effect, or of pouring into its wild notes a + spirit of such irresistible pathos and sorrow. I have often been present + when she has “raised the keene” over the corpse of some relative or + neighbor, and my readers may judge of the melancholy charm which + accompanied this expression of her sympathy, when I assure them that the + general clamor of violent grief was gradually diminished, from admiration, + until it became ultimately hushed, and no voice was heard but her own—wailing + in sorrowful but solitary beauty. This pause, it is true, was never long, + for however great the admiration might be which she excited, the hearts of + those who heard her soon melted, and even strangers were often forced to + confess her influence by the tears which she caused them to shed for those + whose deaths could, otherwise, in no other way have affected them. I am + the youngest, I believe, of fourteen children, and of course could never + have heard her until age and the struggles of life had robbed her voice of + its sweetness. I heard enough, however, from her blessed lips, to set my + heart to an almost painful perception of that spirit which steeps these + fine old songs in a tenderness which no other music possesses. Many a + time, of a winter night, when seated at her spinning-wheel, singing the <i>Trougha</i>, + or <i>Shuil agra</i>, or some other old “song of sorrow,” have I, then + little more than a child, gone over to her, and with a broken voice and + eyes charged with tears, whispered, “Mother dear, don't sing that song, it + makes me sorrowful;” she then usually stopped, and sung some one which I + liked better because it affected me less. At this day I am in possession + of Irish airs, which none of our best antiquaries in Irish music have + heard, except through me, and of which neither they nor I myself know the + names. + </p> + <p> + Such, gentle reader, were my humble parents, under whose untaught, but + natural genius, setting all other advantages aside, it is not to be + wondered at that my heart should have been so completely moulded into that + spirit and, those feelings which characterize my country and her children. + </p> + <p> + These, however, were my domestic advantages; but I now come to others, + which arose from my position in life as the son of a man who was one of + the people. My father, at the farthest point to which my memory goes back, + lived in a townland called Prillisk, in the parish of Clogher, and county + of Tyrone; and I only remember living there in a cottage. From that the + family removed to a place called Tonagh, or, more familiarly, Towney, + about an English mile from Prillisk. It was here I first went to school to + a Connaught-man named Pat Frayne, who, however, remained there only for a + very short period in the neighborhood. Such was the neglected state of + education at that time, that for a year or two afterwards there was no + school sufficiently near to which I could be sent. At length it was + ascertained that a master, another Connaught-man by the way, named + O'Beirne, had opened a school—a hedge-school of course—at + Pindramore. To this I was sent, along with my brother John, the youngest + of the family next to myself. I continued with him for about a year and a + half, when who should return to our neighborhood but Pat Frayne, the + redoubtable prototype of Mat Kavanagh in “The Hedge School.” O'Beirne, it + is true, was an excellent specimen of the hedge-schoolmaster, but nothing + at all to be compared to Frayne. About the period I write of, there was no + other description of school to which any one could be sent, and the + consequence was, that rich and poor (I speak of the peasantry), Protestant + and Catholic, Presbyterian and Methodist, boys and girls, were all + congregated under the same roof, to the amount of from a hundred to a + hundred and fifty, or two hundred. In this school I remained for about a + year or two, when our family removed to a place called Nurchasy, the + property of the Rev. Dr. Story, of Corick. Of us, however, he neither + could nor did know anything, for we were under-tenants, our immediate + landlord being no less a person than Hugh Traynor, then so famous for the + distillation, sub rosa, of exquisite mountain dew, and to whom the reader + will find allusions made in that capacity more than once in the following + volume. Nurchasy was within about half a mile of Findramore, to which + school, under O'Beirne, I was again sent. Here I continued, until a + classical teacher came to a place called Tulnavert, now the property of + John Birney, Esq., of Lisburn, to whom I had the pleasure of dedicating + the two first volumes of my “Traits and Stories.” This tyrannical + blockhead, whose name I do not choose to mention, instead of being allowed + to teach classics, ought to have been put into a strait-waistcoat or the + stocks, and either whipped once in every twenty-four hours, or kept in a + madhouse until the day of his death. He had been a student in Maynooth, + where he became deranged, and was, of course, sent home to his friends, + with whom he recovered sufficiently to become cruel and hypocritical, to + an extent which I have never yet seen equalled. Whenever the son of a rich + man committed an offence, he would grind his teeth and growl like a tiger, + but in no single instance had he the moral courage or sense of justice to + correct him. On the contrary, he uniformly “nursed his wrath to keep it + warm,” until the son of a poor man transgressed, and on his unfortunate + body he was sure to wreak signal vengeance for the stupidity or misconduct + of the wealthy blockhead. This was his system, and my readers may form + some opinion of the low ebb at which knowledge and moral feeling were at + the time, when I assure them, that not one of the humbler boys durst make + a complaint against the scoundrel at home, unless under the certainty of + being well flogged for their pains. A hedge-schoolmaster was then held in + such respect and veneration, that no matter how cruel or profligate he + might be, his person and character, unless in some extraordinary case of + cruelty, resulting in death or mutilation, were looked upon as free from + all moral or legal responsibility. This certainly was not the fault of the + people, but of those laws, which, by making education a crime, generated + ignorance, and then punished it for violating them. + </p> + <p> + For the present it is enough to say, that a most interesting child, a + niece of my own, lost her life by the severity of Pat Frayne, the + Connaught-man. In a fit of passion he caught the poor girl by the ear, + which he nearly plucked out of her head. The violence of the act broke + some of the internal muscles or tendons,—suppuration and + subsequently inflammation, first of the adjoining Parts and afterwards of + the brain, took place, and the fine intelligent little creature was laid + in a premature grave, because the ignorance of the people justified a + pedantic hedge-schoolmaster in the exercise of irresponsible cruelty. + Frayne was never prosecuted, neither was the classical despot, who by the + way sits for the picture of the fellow in whose school, and at whose + hands, the Poor Scholar receives the tyrannical and heartless treatment + mentioned in that tale. Many a time the cruelty exercised towards that + unhappy boy, whose name was Qum, has wrung my heart and brought the + involuntary tears to my eyes,—tears which I was forced to conceal, + being very well assured from experience, that any sympathy of mine, if + noticed, would be certain to procure me or any other friend of his, an + ample participation in his punishment. He was, in truth, the scape-goat of + the school, and it makes my blood boil, even whilst I write, to think how + the poor friendless lad, far removed from either father or mother, was + kicked, and cuffed, and beaten on the naked head, with a kind of stick + between a horse-rod and a cudgel, until his poor face got pale, and he was + forced to totter over to a seat in order to prevent himself from fainting + or falling in consequence of severe pain. + </p> + <p> + At length, however, the inhuman villain began to find, when it was too + late, that his ferocity, in spite of the terror which it occasioned, was + soon likely to empty his school. He now became as fawning and slavish as + he had before been insolent and savage; but the wealthy farmers of the + neighborhood, having now full cognizance of his conduct, made common cause + with the poorer men whose children were so shamefully treated, and the + result was, that in about six weeks they forced him to leave that part of + the country for want of scholars, having been literally groaned out of it + by the curses and indignation of all who knew him. + </p> + <p> + Here then was I once more at a loss for a school, and I must add, in no + disposition at all to renew my acquaintance with literature. Our family + had again removed from Nurchasy, to a place up nearer the mountains, + called Springtown, on the northern side of the parish. I was now about + fourteen, and began to feel a keen relish for all the sports and + amusements of the country, into which I entered with a spirit of youth and + enthusiasm rarely equalled. For about two years I attended no school, but + it was during this period that I received, notwithstanding, the best part + of my education. Our farm in Springtown was about sixteen or eighteen + acres, and I occasionally assisted the family in working at it, but never + regularly, for I was not called upon to do so, nor would I have been + permitted even had I wished it. It was about six months after our removal + to Springtown, that an incident in my early life occurred which gave rise + to one of the most popular tales perhaps, with the exception of “The + Miser,” that I have written—that is “The Poor Scholar.” There being + now no classical school within eighteen or twenty miles of Springtown, it + was suggested to our family by a nephew of the parish priest, then a young + man of six or eight and twenty, that, under the circumstances, it would be + a prudent step on their part to prepare an outfit, and send me up to + Munster as a poor scholar, to complete my education. Pat Frayne, who by + the way had been a poor scholar himself, had advised the same thing + before, and as the name does not involve disgrace I felt no reluctance in + going, especially as the priest's nephew, who proposed it, had made up his + mind on accompanying me for a similar purpose. Indeed, the poor scholars + who go to Munster are indebted for nothing but their bed and board, which + they receive kindly and hospitably from the parents of the scholars. The + masters are generally paid their full terms by these pitiable beings, but + this rule, like all others, of course, has its exceptions. At all events, + my outfit was got ready, and on a beautiful morning in the month of May I + separated from my family to go in quest of education. There was no + collection, however, in my case, as mentioned in the tale; as my own + family supplied the funds supposed to be necessary. I have been present, + however, at more than one collection made for similar purposes, and heard + a good-natured sermon not very much differing from that given in the + story. + </p> + <p> + The priest's nephew, on the day we were to start, suddenly changed his + mind, and I consequently had to undertake the journey alone, which I did + with a heavy heart. The farther I got from home, the more my spirits sank, + or in the beautiful image of Goldsmith, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “I dragged at each remove a lengthening chain.” + </pre> + <p> + I travelled as far as the town of Granard, and during the journey, it is + scarcely necessary to say, that the almost parental tenderness and + hospitality which I received on my way could not be adequately described. + The reader will find an attempt at it in the story. The parting from home + and my adventures on the road are real. + </p> + <p> + Having reached Granard my courage began to fail, and my family at home, + now that I had departed from them, began also to feel something like + remorse for having permitted one so young and inexperienced as I then was, + to go abroad alone upon the world. My mother's sorrow, especially, was + deep, and her cry was, “Oh, why did I let my boy go? maybe I will never + see him again!” + </p> + <p> + At this time, as the reader may be aware from my parental education, there + was not a being alive more thoroughly imbued with superstition; and, + whether for good or ill, at all events that superstition returned me to my + family. On reaching Granard, I felt, of course, fatigued, and soon went to + bed, where I slept soundly. It was not, however, a dreamless sleep: I + thought I was going along a strange path to some particular place, and + that a mad bull met me on the road, and pursued me with such speed and + fury that I awoke in a state of singular terror. That was sufficient; my + mind had been already wavering, and the dream determined me. The next + morning after breakfast I bent my steps homewards, and, as it happened, my + return took a weighty load of bitter grief from the heart of my mother and + family. The house I stopped at in Granard was a kind of small inn, kept by + a man whose name was Peter Grehan. Such were the incidents which gave rise + to the tale of “The Poor Scholar.” + </p> + <p> + I was now growing up fast, and began to feel a boyish ambition of + associating with, those who were older and bigger than myself. Although + miserably deficient in education—for I had been well beaten but + never taught—yet I was looked upon as a prodigy of knowledge; and I + can assure the reader that I took very good care not to dispel that + agreeable delusion. Indeed, at this time, I was as great a young literary + coxcomb as ever lived, my vanity being high and inflated exactly in + proportion to my ignorance, which was also of the purest water. This + vanity, however, resulted as much from my position and circumstances as + from any strong disposition to be vain on my part. It was generated by the + ignorance of the people, and their extreme veneration for any thing in the + shape of superior knowledge. In fact, they insisted that I knew every + earthly subject, because I had been a couple of years at Latin, and was + designed for a priest. It was useless to undeceive men who would not be + convinced, so I accordingly gave them, as they say, “the length of their + tether;” nay, to such, purpose did I ply them with proofs of it, that my + conversation soon became as fine a specimen of pedantic bombast as ever + was uttered. Not a word under six feet could come out of my lips, even of + English; but as the best English, after all, is but commonplace, I + peppered them with vile Latin, and an occasional verse in Greek, from St. + John's Gospel, which I translated for them into a wrong meaning, with an + air of lofty superiority that made them turn up their eyes with wonder. I + was then, however, but one of a class which still exists, and will + continue to do so until a better informed generation shall prevent those + who compose it from swaggering about in all the pompous pride of young + impostors, who boast of knowing “the seven languages.” The reader will + find an illustration of this in the sketch of “Denis O'Shaughnessy going + to Maynooth.” + </p> + <p> + In the meantime, I was unconsciously but rapidly preparing myself for a + position in Irish literature, which I little dreamt I should ever occupy. + I now mingled in the sports and pastimes of the people, until indulgence + in them became the predominant passion of mv youth. Throwing the stone, + wrestling, leaping, foot-ball, and every other description of athletic + exercise filled up the measure of my early happiness. I attended every + wake, dance, fair, and merry-making in the neighborhood, and became so + celebrated for dancing hornpipes, jigs, and reels, that I was soon without + a rival in the parish. + </p> + <p> + This kind of life, though very delightful to a boy of my years, was not, + however, quite satisfactory, as it afforded me no ultimate prospect, and + the death of my father had occasioned the circumstances of the family to + decline. I heard, about this time, that a distant relative of mine, a + highly respectable priest, had opened a classical school near Glasslough, + in the county of Monaghan. To him I accordingly went, mentioned our + affinity, and had my claims allowed. I attended his school with + intermission for about two years, at the expiration of which period I once + more returned to our family, who were then very much reduced. + </p> + <p> + I was now about nineteen, strong, active, and could leap two-and-twenty + feet on a dead level; but though thoroughly acquainted with Irish life + among my own class, I was as ignorant of the world as a child. Ever since + my boyhood, in consequence of the legends which I had heard from my + father, about the far-famed Lough-derg, or St. Patrick's Purgatory, I felt + my imagination fired with a romantic curiosity to perform a station at + that celebrated place. I accordingly did so, and the description of that + most penal performance, some years afterwards, not only constituted my + debut in literature, but was also the means of preventing me from being a + pleasant, strong-bodied parish priest at this day; indeed, it was the + cause of changing the whole destiny of my subsequent life. + </p> + <p> + “The Loughderg Pilgrim” is given in the present edition, and may be relied + on, not so much as an ordinary narrative, as a perfect transcript of what + takes place during the stations which are held there in the summer months. + </p> + <p> + Having returned from this, I knew not exactly how to dispose of myself. On + one thing I was determined—never to enter the Church;—but this + resolution I kept faithfully to myself. I had nothing for it now but to + forget my sacerdotal prospects, which, as I have said, had already been + renounced, or to sink down as many others like me had done, into a mere + tiller of the earth,—a character in Ireland far more unpopular than + that which the Scotch call “a sticket minister!” + </p> + <p> + It was about this period, that chance first threw the inimitable + Adventures of the renowned Gil Bias across my path. During my whole life I + had been an insatiable reader of such sixpenny romances and history-books + as the hedge-schools afforded. Many a time have I given up my meals rather + than lose one minute from the interest excited by the story I was + perusing. Having read <i>Gil Bias</i>, however, I felt an irrepressible + passion for adventure, which nothing could divert; in fact, I was as much + the creature of the impulse it excited, as the ship is of the helmsman, or + the steam-engine of the principle that guides it. + </p> + <p> + Stimulated by this romantic love of adventure, I left my native place, and + directed my steps to the parish of Killanny, in the county of Louth, the + Catholic clergyman of which was a nephew of our own Parish Priest, brother + to him who proposed going to Munster with me, and an old school-fellow of + my own, though probably twenty years my senior. This man's residence was + within a quarter or half a mile's distance of the celebrated Wild-goose + Lodge, in which, some six months before, a whole family, consisting of, I + believe, eight persons, men, women, and children, had been, from motives + of personal vengeance, consumed to ashes. I stopped with him for a + fortnight, and succeeded in procuring a tuition in the house of a wealthy + farmer named Piers Murphy, near Corcreagh. This, however, was a tame life, + and a hard one, so I resolved once more to give up a miserable salary and + my board, for the fortunate chances which an ardent temperament and a + strong imagination perpetually suggested to me as likely to be evolved out + of the vicissitudes of life. Urged on, therefore, by a spirit of romance, + I resolved to precipitate myself on the Irish Metropolis, which I + accordingly entered with two shillings and ninepence in my pocket; an + utter stranger, of course friendless; ignorant of the world, without aim + or object, but not without a certain strong feeling of vague and shapeless + ambition, for the truth was I had not yet begun to think, and, + consequently, looked upon life less as a reality than a vision. + </p> + <p> + Thus have I, as a faithful, but I fear a dull guide, conducted my reader + from the lowly cottage in Prillisk, where I first drew my breath, along + those tangled walks and green lanes which are familiar to the foot of the + peasant alone, until I enter upon the highways of the world, and strike + into one of its greatest and most crowded thoroughfares—the + Metropolis. Whether this brief sketch of my early and humble life, my + education, my sports, my hopes and struggles, be calculated to excite any + particular interest, I know not; I can only assure my reader that the + details, so far as they go, are scrupulously correct and authentic, and + that they never would have been obtruded upon him, were it not from an + anxiety to satisfy him that in undertaking to describe the Irish peasantry + as they are, I approach the difficult task with advantages of knowing + them, which perhaps few Irish writers ever possessed; and this is the only + merit which I claim. + </p> + <p> + A few words now upon the moral and physical condition of the people may + not be unsuitable before I close, especially for the sake of those who may + wish to acquire a knowledge of their general character, previous to their + perusal of the following volume. This task, it is true, is not one of such + difficulty now as it was some years ago. Much light has been thrown on the + Irish character, not only by the great names I have already enumerated, + but by some equally high which I have omitted. On this subject it would be + impossible to overlook the names of Lever, Maxwell, or Otway, or to forget + the mellow hearth-light and chimney-corner tone, the happy dialogue and + legendary truth which characterize the exquisite fairy legends of Crofton + Croker. Much of the difficulty of the task, I say, has been removed by + these writers, but there remains enough still behind to justify me in + giving a short dissertation upon the habits and feelings of my countrymen. + </p> + <p> + Of those whose physical state has been and is so deplorably wretched, it + may not be supposed that the tone of morals can be either high or pure; + and yet if we consider the circumstance in which he has been for such a + lengthened period placed, it is undeniable that the Irishman is a + remarkably moral man. Let us suppose, for instance, that in England and + Scotland the great body of the people had for a couple or three centuries + never received an adequate or proper education: in that case, let us ask + what the moral aspect of society in either country would be to-day? But + this is not merely the thing to be considered. The Irishman was not only + not educated, but actually punished for attempting to acquire knowledge in + the first place, and in the second, punished also for the ignorance + created by its absence. In other words, the penal laws rendered education + criminal, and then caused the unhappy people to suffer for the crimes + which proper knowledge would have prevented them from, committing. It was + just like depriving a man of his sight, and afterwards causing him to be + punished for stumbling. It is beyond all question, that from the time of + the wars of Elizabeth and the introduction of the Reformation, until very + recently, there was no fixed system of wholesome education in the country. + The people, possessed of strong political and religious prejudices, were + left in a state of physical destitution and moral ignorance, such as were + calculated to produce ten times the amount of crime which was committed. + Is it any wonder, then, that in such a condition, social errors and + dangerous theories should be generated, and that neglect, and poverty, and + ignorance combined should give to the country a character for turbulence + and outrage? The same causes will produce the same effects in any country, + and were it not that the standard of personal and domestic comfort was so + low in Ireland, there is no doubt that the historian would have a much + darker catalogue of crime to record than he has. The Irishman, in fact, + was mute and patient under circumstances which would have driven the + better fed and more comfortable Englishman into open outrage and contempt + of all authority. God forbid that I for a moment should become the + apologist of crime, much less the crimes of my countrymen! but it is + beyond all question that the principles upon which the country was + governed have been such as to leave down to the present day many of their + evil consequences behind them. The penal code, to be sure, is now + abolished, but so are not many of its political effects among the people. + Its consequences have not yet departed from the country, nor has the + hereditary hatred of the laws, which unconsciously descended from father + to son, ceased to regulate their conduct and opinions. Thousands of them + are ignorant that ever such a thing as a penal code existed; yet the + feeling against law survives, although the source from which it has been + transmitted may be forgotten. This will easily account for much of the + political violence and crime which moments of great excitement produce + among us; nor need we feel surprised that this state of things should be + continued, to the manifest injury of the people themselves, by the baneful + effects of agitation. + </p> + <p> + The period, therefore, for putting the character of our country fairly + upon, its trial has not yet arrived; although we are willing to take the + Irishman as we find him; nor would we shrink even at the present moment + from comparing him with any of his neighbors. His political sins and their + consequences were left him as an heirloom, and result from a state of + things which he himself did not occasion. Setting these aside, where is + the man to be found in any country who has carried with him through all + his privations and penalties so many of the best virtues of our nature? In + other countries the man who commits a great crime is always a great + criminal, and the whole heart is hardened and debased, but it is not so in + Ireland. The agrarian and political outrage is often perpetrated by men + who possess the best virtues of humanity, and whose hearts as individuals + actually abhor the crime. The moral standard here is no doubt dreadfully + erroneous, and until a correct and Christian one, emanating from a better + system of education, shall be substituted for it, it will, with a people + who so think and feel, be impossible utterly to prevent the occurrence of + these great evils. We must wait for thirty or forty years, that is, until + the rising or perhaps the subsequent generation shall be educated out of + these wild and destructive prejudices, before we can fully estimate the + degree of excellence to which our national character may arrive. In my own + youth, and I am now only forty-four years, I do not remember a single + school under the immediate superintendence of either priest or parson, and + that in a parish the extent of which is, I dare say, ten miles by eight. + The instruction of the children was altogether a matter in which no clergy + of any creed took an interest. This was left altogether to hedge + schoolmasters, a class of men who, with few exceptions, bestowed such an + education upon the people as is sufficient almost, in the absence of all + other causes, to account for much of the agrarian violence and erroneous + principles which regulate their movements and feelings on that and similar + subjects. For further information on this matter the reader is referred to + the “Hedge School.” + </p> + <p> + With respect to these darker shades of the Irish character, I feel that, + consistently with that love of truth and impartiality which has guided, + and I trust ever shall guide, my pen, I could not pass them over without + further notice. I know that it is a very questionable defence to say that + some, if not principally all, of their crimes originate in agrarian or + political vengeance. Indeed, I believe that, so far from this circumstance + being looked upon as a defence, it ought to be considered as an + aggravation of the guilt; inasmuch as it is, beyond all doubt, at least a + far more manly thing to inflict an injury upon an enemy face to face, and + under the influence of immediate resentment, than to crouch like a + cowardly assassin behind a hedge and coolly murder him without one + moment's preparation, or any means whatsoever of defence. This is a + description of crime which no man with one generous drop of blood in his + veins can think of without shame and indignation. Unhappily, however, for + the security of human life, every crime of the kind results more from the + dark tyranny of these secret confederacies, by which the lower classes are + organized, than from any natural appetite for shedding blood. + Individually, the Irish loathe murder as much as any people in the world; + but in the circumstances before us, it often happens that the Irishman is + not a free agent—very far from it: on the contrary, he is frequently + made the instrument of a system, to which he must become either an + obedient slave or a victim. + </p> + <p> + Even here, however, although nothing can or ought to be said to palliate + the cowardly and unmanly crime of assassination, yet something can + certainly be advanced to account for the state of feeling by which, from + time to time, and by frequent occurrence, it came to be so habitual among + the people, that by familiarity it became stripped of its criminality and + horror. + </p> + <p> + Now it is idle, and it would be dishonest, to deny the fact, that the + lower Irish, until a comparatively recent period, were treated with apathy + and gross neglect by the only class to whom they could or ought to look up + for sympathy or protection. The conferring of the elective franchise upon + the forty-shilling freeholders, or in other words upon paupers, added to + the absence of proper education, or the means of acquiring it, generated, + by the fraudulent subdivision of small holdings, by bribery, perjury, and + corruption, a state of moral feeling among the poorer classes which could + not but be productive of much crime. And yet, notwithstanding this + shameful prostitution of their morals and comfort, for the purposes of + political ambition or personal aggrandizement, they were in general a + peaceable and enduring people; and it was only when some act of + unjustifiable severity, or oppression in the person of a middleman, agent, + or hardhearted landlord, drove them houseless upon the world, that they + fell back upon the darker crimes of which I am speaking. But what, I ask, + could be expected from such a state of things? And who generated it? It is + not, indeed, to be wondered at that a set of men, who so completely + neglected their duties as the old landlords of Ireland did, should have + the very weapons turned against themselves which their own moral + profligacy first put into the hands of those whom they corrupted. Up to + this day the peasantry are charged with indifference to the obligation of + an oath, and in those who still have anything to do in elections, I fear + with too much truth. But then let us inquire who first trained and + familiarized them to it? Why, the old landlords of Ireland; and now their + descendants, and such of themselves as survive, may behold, in the crimes + which disgrace the country, the disastrous effects of a bad system created + by their forefathers or themselves. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime, I have no doubt that by the removal of the causes which + produced this deplorable state of things, their disastrous effects will + also soon disappear. That the present landlords of Ireland are, with the + ordinary number of exceptions, a very different class of men from those + who have gone before them, is a fact which will ultimately tell for the + peace and prosperity of the country. Let the ignorance of the people, or + rather the positive bad knowledge with which, as to a sense of civil + duties, their minds are filled, be removed, and replaced with principles + of a higher and more Christian tendency. Let the Irish landlords consider + the interests of their tenantry as their own, and there is little doubt + that with the aids of science, agricultural improvement, and the + advantages of superior machinery, the Irish will become a prosperous, + contented, and great people. + </p> + <p> + It is not just to the general character of our people, however, to speak + of these crimes as national; for, in fact, they are not so. If Tipperary + and some of the adjoining parts of Munster were blotted out of the moral + map of the country, we would stand as a nation in a far higher position + than that which we occupy in the opinion of our neighbors. This is a + distinction which in justice to us ought to be made, for it is surely + unfair to charge the whole kingdom with the crimes which disgrace only a + single county of it, together with a few adjacent districts—allowing, + of course, for some melancholy exceptions in other parts. + </p> + <p> + Having now discussed, with, I think, sufficient candor and impartiality, + that portion of our national character which appears worst and weakest in + the eyes of our neighbors, and attempted to show that pre-existing + circumstances originating from an unwise policy had much to do in calling + into existence and shaping its evil impulses, I come now to a more + agreeable task—the consideration, of our social and domestic + virtues. And here it is where the Irishman immeasurably outstrips all + competitors. His hospitality is not only a habit but a principle; and + indeed of such a quick and generous temperament is he, that in ninety + cases out of a hundred the feeling precedes the reflection, which in + others prompts the virtue. To be a stranger and friendless, or suffering + hunger and thirst, is at any time a sufficient passport to his heart and + purse; but it is not merely the thing or virtue, but also his manner of + doing it, that constitutes the charm which runs through his conduct. There + is a natural politeness and sincerity in his manner which no man can + mistake; and it is a fact, the truth of which I have felt a thousand + times, that he will make you feel the acceptance of the favor of kindness + he bestows to be a compliment to himself rather than to you. The delicate + ingenuity with which he diminishes the nature or amount of his own + kindness, proves that he is no common man, either in heart or intellect; + and when all fails he will lie like Lucifer himself, and absolutely seduce + you into an acceptance of his hospitality or assistance. I speak now + exclusively of the peasantry. Certainly in domestic life there is no man + so exquisitely affectionate and humanized as the Irishman. The national + imagination is active and the national heart warm, and it follows very + naturally that he should be, and is, tender and strong in all his domestic + relations. Unlike the people of other nations, his grief is loud but + lasting, vehement but deep; and whilst its shadow has been chequered by + the laughter and mirth of a cheerful disposition, still in the moments of + seclusion, at his bedside prayer, or over the grave of those he loved, it + will put itself forth after half a life with a vivid power of recollection + which is sometimes almost beyond belief. + </p> + <p> + The Irish, however, are naturally a refined people; but by this I mean the + refinement which appreciates and cherishes whatever there is in nature, as + manifested through the influence of the softer arts of music and poetry. + The effect of music upon the Irish heart I ought to know well, and no man + need tell me that a barbarous or cruel people ever possessed national + music that was beautiful and pathetic. The music of any nation is the + manifestation of its general feeling, and not that which creates it; + although there is no doubt but the one when formed perpetuates and + reproduces the other. It is no wonder, then, that the domestic feelings of + the Irish should be so singularly affectionate and strong, when we + consider that they have been, in spite of every obstruction, kept under + the softening influence of music and poetry. This music and poetry, too, + essentially their own—and whether streaming of a summer through + their still glens, or poured forth at the winter hearth, still, by its + soft and melancholy spirit, stirring up a thousand tender associations + that must necessarily touch and improve the heart. And it is for this + reason that, that heart becomes so remarkably eloquent, if not poetical, + when moved by sorrow. Many a time I have seen a Keener commence her wail + over the corpse of a near relative, and by degrees she has risen from the + simple wail or cry to a high but mournful recitative, extemporized, under + the excitement of the moment, into sentiments that were highly figurative + and impressive. In this she was aided very much by the genius of the + language, which possesses the finest and most copious vocabulary in the + world for the expression of either sorrow or love. + </p> + <p> + It has been said that the Irish, notwithstanding a deep susceptibility of + sorrow, are a light-hearted people; and this is strictly true. What, + however, is the one fact but a natural consequence of the other? No man + for instance ever possessed a higher order of humor, whose temperament was + not naturally melancholy, and no country in the world more clearly + establishes that point than Ireland. Here the melancholy and mirth are not + simply in a proximate state, but frequently flash together, and again + separate so quickly, that the alternation or blending, as the case may be, + whilst it is felt by the spectators, yet stands beyond all known rules of + philosophy to solve it. Any one at all acquainted with Ireland, knows that + in no country is mirth lighter, or sorrow deeper, or the smile and the + tear seen more frequently on the face at the same moment. Their mirth, + however, is not levity, nor their sorrow gloom; and for this reason none + of those dreary and desponding reactions take place, which, as in France + especially, so frequently terminate in suicide. + </p> + <p> + The recreations of the Irish were very varied and some of them of a highly + intellectual cast. These latter, however, have altogether disappeared from + the country, or at all events are fast disappearing. The old Harper is now + hardly seen; the Senachie, where he exists, is but a dim and faded + representative of that very old Chronicler in his palmy days; and the + Prophecy-man unfortunately has survived the failure of his best and most + cherished predictions. The poor old Prophet's stock in trade is nearly + exhausted, and little now remains but the slaughter which is to take place + at the mill of Louth, when human blood, and the miller to have six fingers + and two thumbs on each hand, as a collateral prognostication of that + bloody event. + </p> + <p> + The amusement derived from these persons was undoubtedly of a very + imaginative character, and gives sufficient proof, that had the national + intellect been duly cultivated, it is difficult to say in what position as + a literary country Ireland might have stood at this day. At present the + national recreations, though still sufficiently varied and numerous are + neither so strongly marked nor diversified as formerly. Fun, or the love + of it, to be sure, is an essential principle in the Irish character; and + nothing that can happen, no matter how solemn or how sorrowful it may be, + is allowed to proceed without it. In Ireland the house of death is sure to + be the merriest one in the neighborhood; but here the mirth is kindly and + considerately introduced, from motives of sympathy—in other words, + for the alleviation of the mourners' sorrow. The same thing may be said of + its association with religion. Whoever has witnessed a Station in Ireland + made at some blessed lake or holy well, will understand this. At such + places it is quite usual to see young men and women devoutly + circumambulating the well or lake on their bare knees, with all the marks + of penitence and contrition strongly impressed upon their faces; whilst + again, after an hour or two, the same individuals may be found in a tent + dancing with ecstatic vehemence to the music of the bagpipe or fiddle. + </p> + <p> + All these things, however, will be found, I trust I may say faithfully + depicted in the following volume—together with many other important + features of our general character; which I would dwell on here, were it + not that they are detailed very fully in other parts of my works, and I do + not wish to deprive them of the force of novelty when they occur, nor to + appear heavy by repetition. + </p> + <p> + In conclusion, I have endeavored, with what success has been already + determined by the voice of my own country, to give a panorama of Irish + life among the people—comprising at one view all the strong points + of their general character—their loves, sorrows, superstitions, + piety, amusements, crimes, and virtues; and in doing this, I can say with + solemn truth that I painted them honestly, and without reference to the + existence of any particular creed or party. + </p> + <p> + W. Carleton. + </p> + <p> + Dublin. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + NED M'KEOWN. + </h2> + <p> + Ned M'Keown's house stood exactly in an angle, formed by the cross-roads + of Kilrudden. It was a long, whitewashed building, well thatched and + furnished with the usual appurtenances of yard and offices. Like most + Irish houses of the better sort, it had two doors, one opening into a + garden that sloped down from the rear in a southern direction. The barn + was a continuation of the dwelling-house, and might be distinguished from + it by a darker shade of color, being only rough-cast. It was situated on a + small eminence, but, with respect to the general locality of the country, + in a delightful vale, which runs up, for twelve or fourteen miles, between + two ranges of dark, well-defined mountains, that give to the interjacent + country the form of a low inverted arch. This valley, which altogether, + allowing for the occasional breaks and intersections of hill-ranges, + extends upwards of thirty miles in length, is the celebrated valley of the + “Black Pig,” so well known in the politico-traditional history of Ireland, + and the legends connected with the famous Beal Dearg.* + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The following extract, taken from a sketch by the author + called “The Irish Prophecy-man,” contains a very appropriate + illustration of the above passage. “I have a little book + that contains a prophecy of the milk-white hind an' the + bloody panther, an' a foreboding of the slaughter there's to + be in the Valley of the Black Pig, as foretould by Beal + Derg, or the prophet wid the red mouth, who never was known + to speak but when he prophesied, or to prophesy but when he + spoke.” + + “The Lord bless an' keep us!—an' why was he called the Man + with the Red Mouth, Barney?” + + “I'll tell you that: first, bekase he always prophesied + about the slaughter an' fightin' that was to take place in + the time to come; an', secondly, bekase, while he spoke, the + red blood always trickled out of his mouth, as a proof that + what he foretould was true.” + + “Glory be to God! but that's wondherful all out. Well, + we'll!” + + “Ay, an' Beal Deig, or the Red Mouth, is still livin'.” + + “Livin! why, is he a man of our own time?” + + “Our own time! The Lord help you! It's more than a thousand + years since he made the prophecy. The case you see is this: + he an' the ten thousand witnesses are lyin' in an enchanted + sleep in one of the Montherlony mountains.” + + “An' how is that known, Barney?” + + “It's known, Every night at a certain hour one of the + witnesses—an' they're all sogers, by the way—must come out + to look for the sign that's to come.” + + “An' what is that, Barney?” + + “It's the fiery cross; an' when he sees one on aich of the + four mountains of the north, he's to know that the same + sign's abroad in all the other parts of the kingdom. Beal + Derg an' his men are then to waken up, an' by their aid the + Valley of the Black Pig is to be set free forever.” + + “An' what is the Black Pig, Barney?” + + “The Prospitarian church, that stretches from Enniskillen to + Darry, an' back again from Darry to Enniskillen.” + + “Well, well, Barney, but prophecy is a strange thing, to be + sure! Only think of men livin' a thousand years!” + + “Every night one of Beal Derg's men must go to the mouth of + the cave, which opens of itself, an' then look out for the + sign that's expected. He walks up to the top of the + mountain, an' turns to the four corners of the heavens, to + thry if he can see it; an' when he finds that he cannot, he + goes back to Beal Derg. who, afther the other touches him, + starts up and axis him, 'Is the time come?' He replies, 'No; + the <i>man is</i>, but the <i>hour is not!</i>' an' that instant + they're both asleep again. Now, you see, while the soger is + on the mountain top, the mouth of the cave is open, an' any + one may go in that might happen to see it. One man it + appears did, an' wishin' to know from curiosity whether the + sogers were dead or livin', he touched one of them wid his + hand, who started up an' axed him the same question, 'Is the + time come?' Very fortunately he said, 'No;' an' that minute + the soger was as sound in his trance as before.” + + “An', Barney, what did the soger mane when he said. 'The man + is, but the hour is not?'” + + “What did he mane? I'll tell you that. The man is + Bonyparty, which manes, when put into proper explanation, + the <i>right side</i>; that is, the true cause. Larned men have + found <i>that</i> out.” + </pre> + <p> + That part of it where Ned M'Keown resided was peculiarly beautiful and + romantic. From the eminence on which the house stood, a sweep of the most + fertile meadowland stretched away to the foot of a series of intermingled + hills and vales, which bounded this extensive carpet towards the north. + Through these meadows ran a smooth river, called the Mullin-burn, which + wound its way through them with such tortuosity, that it was proverbial in + the neighborhood to say of any man remarkable for dishonesty, “He's as + crooked as the Mullin-burn,” an epithet which was sometimes, although + unjustly, jocularly applied to Ned himself. This deep but narrow river had + its origin in the glens and ravines of a mountain which bounded the vale + in a south-eastern direction; and after sudden and heavy rains it tumbled + down with such violence and impetuosity over the crags and rock-ranges in + its way, and accumulated so amazingly, that on reaching the meadows it + inundated their surface, carrying away sheep, cows, and cocks of hay upon + its yellow flood. It also boiled and eddied, and roared with a hoarse <i>sugh</i>, + that was heard at a considerable distance. + </p> + <p> + On the north-west side ran a ridge of high hills, with the cloud-capped + peek of Knockmany rising in lofty eminence above them; these, as they + extended towards the south, became gradually deeper in their hue, until at + length they assumed the shape and form of heath-clad mountains, dark and + towering. The prospect on either range is highly pleasing, and capable of + being compared with any I have ever seen, in softness, variety, and that + serene lustre which reposes only on the surface of a country rich in the + beauty of fertility, and improved, by the hand of industry and taste. + Opposite Knockmany, at a distance of about four miles, on the + south-eastern side, rose the huge and dark outline of Cullimore, standing + out in gigantic relief against the clear blue of a summer sky, and + flinging down his frowning and haughty shadow almost to the firm-set base + of his lofty rival; or, in winter, wrapped in a mantle of clouds, and + crowned with unsullied snow, reposing in undisturbed tranquillity, whilst + the loud voice of storms howled around him. + </p> + <p> + To the northward, immediately behind Cullimore, lies Althadhawan, a deep, + craggy, precipitous glen, running up to its very base, and wooded with + oak, hazel, rowan-tree, and holly. This picturesque glen extends two or + three miles, until it melts into the softness of grove and meadow, in the + rich landscape below. Then, again, on the opposite side, is <i>Lumford's + Glen</i>, with its overhanging rocks, whose yawning depth and silver + waterfall, of two hundred feet, are at once finely and fearfully + contrasted with the elevated peak of Knockmany, rising into the clouds + above it. + </p> + <p> + From either side of these mountains may be seen six or eight country towns—the + beautiful grouping of hill and plain, lake, river, grove, and dell—the + reverend cathedral (of Clogher)—the white-washed cottage, and the + comfortable farm-house. To these may be added the wild upland and the + cultivated demesne, the green sheep-walk, the dark moor, the splendid + mansion, and ruined castle of former days. Delightful remembrance! Many a + day, both of sunshine and storm, have I, in the strength and pride of + happy youth, bounded, fleet as the mountain foe, over these blue hills! + Many an evening, as the yellow beams of the setting sun shot slantingly, + like rafters of gold, across the depth of this blessed and peaceful + valley, have I followed, in solitude, the impulses of a wild and wayward + fancy, and sought the quiet dell, or viewed the setting sun, as he + scattered his glorious and shining beams through the glowing foliage of + the trees, in the vista, where I stood; or wandered along the river whose + banks were fringed with the hanging willow, whilst I listened to the + thrush singing among the hazels that crowned the sloping green above me, + or watched the splashing otter, as he ventured from the dark angles and + intricacies of the upland glen, to seek his prey in the meadow-stream + during the favorable dusk of twilight. Many a time have I heard the simple + song of Roger M'Cann, coming from the top of brown Dunroe, mellowed, by + the stillness of the hour, to something far sweeter to the heart than all + that the labored pomp of musical art and science can effect; or the song + of Katty Roy, the beauty of the village, streaming across the + purple-flowered moor, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Sweet as the shepherd's pipe upon the mountains.” + </pre> + <p> + Many a time, too, have I been gratified, in the same poetical hour, by the + sweet sound of honest Ned M'Keown's ungreased cartwheels, clacking, when + nature seemed to have fallen asleep after the day-stir and animation of + rural business—for Ned was sometimes a carman—on his return + from Dublin with a load of his own groceries, without as much money in his + pocket as would purchase oil wherewith to silence the sounds which the + friction produced—regaling his own ears the while, as well as the + music of the cart would permit his melody to be heard, with his favorite + tune of Cannie Soogah.* + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * “The Jolly Pedlar,”—a fine old Irish air. +</pre> + <p> + Honest, blustering, good-humored Ned was the indefatigable merchant of the + village; ever engaged in some ten or twenty pound speculation, the capital + of which he was sure to extort, perhaps for the twelfth time, from the + savings of Nancy's frugality, by the equivocal test of a month or six + weeks' consecutive sobriety, and which said speculation he never failed to + wind up by the total loss of the capital for Nancy, and the capital loss + of a broken head for himself. Ned had eternally some bargain on his hands: + at one time you might see him a yarn-merchant, planted in the next + market-town upon the upper step of Mr. Birney's hall-door, where the + yarn-market was held, surrounded by a crowd of eager country-women, + anxious to give Ned the preference, first, because he was a well-wisher; + secondly, because he hadn't his heart in the penny; and thirdly, because + he gave sixpence a spangle more than any other man in the market. + </p> + <p> + There might Ned be found; with his twenty pounds of hard silver jingling + in the bottom of a green bag, as a decoy to his customers, laughing loud + as he piled the yarn in and ostentatious heap, which in the pride of his + commercial sagacity, he had purchased at a dead loss. Again you might see + him at a horse-fair, cantering about on the back of some sleek but + broken-winded jade, with spavined legs, imposed on him as “a great bargain + entirely,” by the superior cunning of some rustic sharper; or standing + over a hogshead of damaged flaxseed, in the purchase of which he shrewdly + suspected himself of having overreached the seller—by allowing him + for it a greater price than the prime seed of the market would have cost + tim. In short, Ned was never out of a speculation, and whatever he + undertook was sure to prove a complete failure. But he had one mode of + consolation, which consisted in sitting down with the fag-end of Nancy's + capital in his pocket, and drinking night and day with this neighbor and + that, whilst a shilling remained; and when he found himself at the end of + his tether, he was sure to fasten a quarrel on some friend or + acquaintance, and to get his head broken for his pains. + </p> + <p> + None of all this blustering, however, happened within the range of Nancy's + jurisdiction. Ned, indeed, might drink and sing, and swagger and fight—and + he contrived to do so; but notwithstanding all his apparent courage, there + was one eye which made him quail, and before which he never put on the + hector;—there was one, in whose presence the loudness of his song + would fall away into a very awkward and unmusical quaver, and under whose + glance his laughing face often changed to the visage of a man who is + disposed to anything but mirth. + </p> + <p> + The fact was this: Whenever Ned found that his speculation was gone a + shaughran, (*Gone astray) as he termed it, he fixed himself in some + favorite public house, from whence he seldom stirred while his money + lasted, except when dislodged by Nancy, who usually, upon learning where + he had taken cover, paid him an unceremonious visit, to which Ned's + indefensible delinquency gave the color of legitimate authority. Upon + these occasions, Nancy, accompanied by two sturdy “servant-boys,” would + sally forth to the next market-town, for the purpose of bringing home + “graceless Ned,” as she called him. And then you might see Ned between the + two servants, a few paces in advance of Nancy, having very much the + appearance of a man performing a pilgrimage to the gallows, or of a + deserter guarded back to his barrack, in order to become a target for the + muskets of his comrades. Ned's compulsory return always became a matter of + some notoriety; for Nancy's excursion in quest of the “graceless” was not + made without frequent denunciations of wrath against him, and many + melancholy apologies to the neighbors for entering upon the task of + personally securing him. By this means her enterprise was sure to get + wind, and a mob of the idle young men and barefooted urchins of the + village, with Bob M'Cann, “a three-quarter clift” * of a fellow—half + knave, half fool, was to be found, a little below the village, upon an + elevation of the road, that commanded a level stretch of half a mile or + so, in anxious expectation of the procession. No sooner had this arrived + at the point of observation, than the little squadron would fall rearward + of the principal group, for the purpose of extracting from Nancy a full + and particular account of the capture. + </p> + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> + <!-- IMG --></a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img src="images/page656.jpg" + alt="Page 656-- Bringing Home 'graceless Ned,' " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * This is equal to the proverb—“he wants a square,” that + is, though knavish not thoroughly rational; in other words, + a combination of knave and fool. Bob, in consequence of his + accomplishments, was always a great favorite in the village. + Upon some odd occasions he was a ready and willing drudge at + everything, and as strong as a ditch. Give him only a good + fog-meal—which was merely a trifle, just what would serve + three men or so—give him, we say, a fog-meal of this kind, + about five times a day, with a liberal promise of more, and + never was there a Scotch Brownie who could get through so + much work. He knew no fatigue; frost and cold had no power + over him; wind, sleet, and hail he laughed at; rain! it + stretched his skin, he said, after a meal—and that, he + added, was a comfort. Notwithstanding all this, he was + neither more nor less than an impersonation of laziness, + craft, and gluttony. The truth is, that unless in the hope + of being gorged he would do nothing; and the only way to get + anything out of him was, never to let the gorge precede the + labor, but always, on the contrary, to follow it. Bob's + accomplishments were not only varied, but of a very elevated + order, and the means of holding him in high odor among us. + Great and wonderful, Heaven knows, did we look upon his + endowments to be. No man, wise or otherwise, could “hunt the + brock,” alias the badger, within a hundred miles of Bob; for + when he covered his mouth with his two hands, and gave forth + the very sounds which the badger is said to utter, did we + not look upon him—Bob—with as much wonder and reverence as + we would have done upon the badger himself? Phup-um-phup— + phup-um-phup—phup-um—phup-um—phup-um-phup. Who but a + first-rate genius could accomplish this feat in such a + style? Bob could crow like a cock, bark like a dog, mew like + a cat, neigh like a horse, bray like an ass, or gobble like + a turkey-cock. Unquestionably, I have never heard him + equalled as an imitator of birds and beasts. Bob's crack + feat, however, was performing the Screw-pin Dance, of which + we have only this to say, that by whatsoever means he became + acquainted with it, it is precisely the same dance which is + said to have been exhibited by some strolling Moor before + the late Queen Caroline. It is, indeed, very strange, but no + less true, that many of the oriental customs are yet + prevalent in the remote and isolated parts of Ireland. Had + the late Mr. O'Brien, author of the Essay on Irish Round + Towers, seen Bob perform the dance I speak of, he would have + hailed him as a regular worshipper of Budh, and adduced his + performance as a living confirmation of his theory. Poor + Bob! he is gone the way of all fools, and all flesh. +</pre> + <p> + “Indeed, childher, it's no wonder for yez to enquire! Where did I get him, + Dick?—musha, and where would I get him but in the ould place, + a-hagur; with the ould set: don't yez know that a dacent place or dacent + company wouldn't sarve Ned?—nobody but Shane Martin, and Jimmy + Tague, and the other blackguards.” * + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The reader, here, is not to rely implicitly upon the + accuracy of Nancy's description of the persons alluded to. + It is true the men were certainly companions and intimate + acquaintances of Ned's, but not entitled to the epithet + which Nancy in her wrath bestowed upon them. Shane was a + rollicking fighting, drinking butcher, who cared not a fig! + whether he treated you to a drink or a drubbing, indeed, it + was at all times extremely difficult to say whether he was + likely to give you the drink first or the drubbing + afterwards, or vice versa. Sometimes he made the drubbing + the groundwork for the drink and quite as frequently the + drink the groundwork for the drubbing. Either one or other + you were sure to receive at his hands; but his general + practice was to give both. Shane, in fact, was a good- + humored fellow, well liked, and nobody's enemy but his own. + Jemmy Tague was a quiet man, who could fight his corner, + however, if necessary. Shane,was called Kittogue Shane, from + being left-handed. Both were butchers, and both, we believe, + alive and kicking at this day. +</pre> + <p> + “And what will you do with him, Nancy?” + </p> + <p> + “Och! thin, Dick, avourneen, it's myself that's jist tired thinking of + that; at any rate, consamin' to the loose foot he'll get this blessed + month to come, Dick, agra!” + </p> + <p> + “Throth, Nancy,” another mischievous monkey would exclaim, “if you hadn't + great patience entirely, you couldn't put up with such threatment, at all + at all.” + </p> + <p> + “Why thin, God knows it's true for-you, Barney. D'ye hear that, + 'graceless?' the very childhre making a laughing-stock and a may-game of + you!—but wait till we get under the roof, any how.” + </p> + <p> + “Ned,” a third would say, “isn't it a burning shame for you to break the + poor crathur's heart this a-way? Throth, but you ought to hould down your + head, sure enough—a dacent woman! that only for her you wouldn't + have a house over you, so you wouldn't.” + </p> + <p> + “And throth, and the same house is going, Tim,” Nancy would exclaim, “and + when it goes, let him see thin who'll do for him; let him thry if his + blackguards will stand to him, when he won't have poor foolish Nancy at + his back.” + </p> + <p> + During these conversations, Ned would walk on between his two guards with + a dogged-looking and condemned face; Nancy behind him, with his own + cudgel, ready to administer an occasional bang whenever he attempted to + slacken his pace, or throw over his shoulder a growl of dissent or + justification. + </p> + <p> + On getting near home, the neighbors would occasionally pop out their + heads, with a smile of good-humored satire on their faces, which Nancy was + very capable of translating: + </p> + <p> + “Ay,” she would say, addressing them, “I've caught him—here he is to + the fore. Indeed you may well laugh, Kitty Rafferty; not a one of myself + blames you for it.—Ah, ye mane crathur,” aside to Ned, “if you had + the blood of a hen in you, you wouldn't have the neighbors braking their + hearts laughing at you in sich a way; and above all the people in the + world, them Rafferty's, that got the decree against us at the last + sessions, although I offered to pay within fifteen shillings of the differ—the + grubs!” + </p> + <p> + Having seen her hopeful charge safely deposited on the hob, Nancy would + throw her cloak into this corner, and her bonnet into that, with the air + of a woman absorbed by the consideration of some vexatious trial; she + would then sit down, and, lighting her doodeen, (* a short pipe) exclaim— + </p> + <p> + “Wurrah, wurrah! but it's me that's the heart-scalded crathur with that + man's four quarters! The Lord may help me and grant me patience with him, + any way!—to have my little honest, hard-earned penny spint among a + pack of vagabonds, that don't care if him and me wor both down the river, + so they could get their skinful of drink out of him! No matther, agra, + things can't long be this a-way; but what does Ned care?—give him + drink and fighting, and his blackguards about him, and that's his glory. + There now's the landlord coming down upon us for the rint; and unless he + takes the cows out of the byre, or the bed from anundher us, what in the + wide earth is there for him?” + </p> + <p> + The current of this lecture was never interrupted by a single observation + from Ned, who usually employed himself in silently playing with “Bunty;” a + little black cur, without a tail, and a great favorite with Nancy; or, if + he noticed anything out of its place in the house, he would arrange it + with great apparent care. In the meantime, Nancy's wrath generally + evaporated with the smoke of the pipe—a circumstance which Ned well + knew; for after she had sucked it until it emitted a shrill, bubbling + sound, like that from a reed, her brows, which wore at other times an + habitual frown, would gradually relax into a more benevolent expression—the + parenthetical curves on each side of her mouth, formed by the irascible + pursing of her lips, would become less marked—the dog or cat, or + whatever else came in her way, instead of being kicked aside, or pursued + in an underfit of digressional peevishness, would be put out of her path + with gentler force—so that it was, in such circumstances, a matter + of little difficulty to perceive that conciliation would soon be the order + of the day. Ned's conduct on these critical occasions was very prudent and + commendable: he still gave Nancy her own way; never “jawed back to her;” + but took shelter, as it were, under his own patience, until the storm had + passed, and the sun of her good humor began to shine out again. Nancy + herself, now softened by the fumes of her own pigtail, usually made the + first overtures to a compromise, but, without departing from the practice + and principles of higher negotiators; always in an indirect manner: as, + “Biddy, avourneen,” speaking to her niece, “maybe that crathur,” pointing! + to Ned, “ate nothing to-day; you had better, agra! get him the could bacon + that's in the cupboard, and warm for him, upon the greeshaugh, (* hot + embers) them yallow-legs (* a kind of potato) that's in the colindher; + though God he knows it's ill my common (* It's ill-becoming—or it + ill becomes me, to everlook his conduct)—but no matther, ahagur! + There's enough said, I'm thinking—give them to him.” + </p> + <p> + On Ned seating himself to his bacon and potatoes, Nancy would light + another pipe, and plant herself on the opposite hob, putting some + interrogatory to him, in the way of business—always concerning a + third person, and still in a tone of dry ironical indifference: as— + </p> + <p> + “Did you see Jimmy Connolly on your travels?” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + “Humph! Can you tell us if Andy Morrow sould his coult?” + </p> + <p> + “He did.” + </p> + <p> + “May be you have <i>gumption</i> enough to know what he got for him?” + </p> + <p> + “Fifteen guineas.” + </p> + <p> + “In troth, and it's more nor a poor body would get; but, anyway, Andy + Morrow desarves to get a good price; he's a man that takes care of his own + business, and minds nothing else. I wish that filly of ours was dockt; you + ought to spake to Jim M'Quade about her: it's time to make her up—you + know, we'll want to sell her for the rint.” + </p> + <p> + This was an assertion, by the way, which Ned knew to have everything but + truth in it. + </p> + <p> + “Never heed the filly,” Ned would reply, “I'll get Charley Lawdher (* A + blacksmith, and an honest man) to dock her—but it's not her I'm + thinking of: did you hear the news about the tobacky?” + </p> + <p> + “No; but I hope we won't be long go.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, any how, we wor in luck to buy in them three last rowls.” + </p> + <p> + “Eh?—in luck? death-alive, how, Ned?” + </p> + <p> + “Sure there was three ships of it lost last week, on their way from the + kingdom of Swuzerland, in the Aist Indians, where it grows: we can rise it + thruppence a-pound now.” + </p> + <p> + “No, Ned! you're not in airnest?” + </p> + <p> + “Faith, Nancy, you may say I am; and as soon as Tom Loan comes home from + Dublin, he'll tell us all about it; and for that matther, maybe it may + rise sixpence a-pound; any how we'll gain a lob by it, I'm thinking.” + </p> + <p> + “May I never stir, but that's luck! Well, Ned, you may thank me for that, + any way, or sorra rowl we'd have in the four corners of the house; and you + wanted to persuade me against buying them; but I knew betther—for + the tobacky's always sure to get a bit of a hitch at this time o' the + year.” + </p> + <p> + “Bedad, you can do it, Nancy: I'll say that for you—that is, and + give you your own way.” + </p> + <p> + “Eh!—can't I, Ned? And, what waa betther, I bate down Pether M'Entee + three-ha'pence a-pound afther I bought them.” + </p> + <p> + “Ha! ha! ha!—by my sannies, Nancy, as to market-making, they may all + throw their caps at you, you thief o' the world; you can do them nately!” + </p> + <p> + “Ha! ha! ha! Stop, Ned; don't drink that water—it's not from the + garden-well. I'll jist mix a sup of this last stuff we got from the + mountains, till you taste it: I think it's not worse nor the last—for + Hugh Traynor's * an ould hand at making it.” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Hugh, who, by the way, is still living, and, I am glad to + hear, in improved circumstances, was formerly in the habit + of making a drop of the right sort. +</pre> + <p> + This was all Ned wanted: his point was now carried; but with respect to + the rising of the tobacco, the less that is said about it the bettor for + his veracity. + </p> + <p> + Having thus given the reader a slight sketch of Ned and Nancy, and of the + beautiful valley in which this worthy speculator had his residence, I + shall next proceed to introduce him to the village circle, which, during + the long winter nights, might be found in front of Ned's kitchen-fire of + blazing turf, whose light was given back in ruddy reflection from the + bright pewter plates, that were ranged upon the white and well-scoured + dresser in just and gradual order, from the small egg-plate to the large + and capacious dish, whereon, at Christmas and Easter, the substantial + round of corned beef used to rear itself so proudly over the more ignoble + joints at the lower end of the table. + </p> + <p> + Seated in this clear-obscure of domestic light—which, after all, + gives the heart a finer and more touching notion of enjoyment than the + glitter of the theatre or the blaze of the saloon—might be found + first, Andy Morrow,* the juryman of the quarter-sessions, sage and + important in the consciousness of legal knowledge, and somewhat + dictatorial withal in its application to such knotty points as arose out + of the subjects of their nocturnal debates. Secondly, Bob Gott, who filled + the foreign and military departments, and related the wonderful history of + the ghost which appeared to him on the night after the battle of + Bunker's-hill. To him succeeded Tom M'Roarkin, the little asthmatic + anecdotarian of half the country,—remarkable for chuckling at his + own stories. Then came old M'Kinny, poacher and horse-jockey; little, + squeaking, thin-faced Alick M'Kinley, a facetious farmer of substance; and + Shane Fadh, who handed down, traditions and fairy tales. Enthroned on one + hob sat Pat Frayne, the schoolmaster with the short arm, who read and + explained the newspaper for “old Square Colwell,” and was looked upon as + premier to the aforesaid cabinet; Ned himself filled the opposite seat of + honor. + </p> + <p> + One night, a little before the Christmas holidays in the year 18—, + the personages just described were seated around Ned's fire, some with + their chirping pints of ale or porter, and others with their quantum of <i>Hugh + Traynor</i>, or mountain-dew, and all with good humor, and a strong + tendency to happiness, visible in their faces. The night was dark, close, + and misty; so dark, indeed, that, as Nancy said, “you could hardly see + your finger before you.” Ned himself was full of fun, with a pint of + porter beside him, and a pipe in his mouth, just in his glory for the + night. Opposite to him was Pat Frayne, with an old newspaper on his knee, + which he had just perused for the edification of his audience; beside him + was, Nancy, busily employed in knitting a pair of sheep's-grey stockings + for Ned; the remaining personages formed a semicircular ring about the + hearth. Behind, on the kitchen-table sat Paddy Smith, the servant-man, + with three or four of the <i>gorsoons</i> of the village about him, + engaged in an under-plot of their own. On the other, a little removed from + the light, sat Ned's two nieces, Biddy and Bessy Connolly, former with + Atty Johnson's mouth within whisper-reach of her ear, and the latter + seated close to her professed admirer, Billy Fulton, her uncle's shopman.* + This group; was completely abstracted from the entertainment which was + going forward in the circle round the fire. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Each pair have been since married, and live not more + happily than I wish them. Fulton still lives in Ned's house + at the Cross-roads. +</pre> + <p> + “I wondher,” said Andy Morrow, “what makes Joe M'Crea throw down that fine + ould castle of his, in Aughentain?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm tould,” said M'Roarkin, “that he expects money; for they say there's + a lot of it buried somewhere about the same building.” + </p> + <p> + “Jist as much as there's in my wig,” replied Shane Fadh, “and there's + ne'er a pocket to it yet. Why, bless your sowl, how could there be money + in it, whin the last man of the Grameses that owned it—I mane of the + ould stock, afore it went into Lord Mountjoy's hands—sould it out, + ran through the money, and died begging afther'? Did none of you ever hear + of— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + '—— —— —— —— Ould John Grame, + That swally'd the castle of Aughentain?'” + </pre> + <p> + “That was long afore my time,” said the poacher; “but I know that the + rabbit-burrow between that and Jack Appleden's garden will soon be run + out.” + </p> + <p> + “Your time!” responded Shane Fadh, with contempt; “ay, and your father's + afore you: my father doesn't remimber more nor seeing his funeral, and a + merry one it was; for my grandfather, and some of them that had a respect + for the family and his forbarers, if they hadn't it for himself, made up + as much money among them as berried him dacently any how,—ay, and + gave him a rousin' wake into the bargain, with lashins of whiskey, stout + beer, and ale; for in them times—God be with them every farmer + brewed his own ale and beer;—more betoken, that one pint of it was + worth a keg of this wash of yours, Ned.” + </p> + <p> + “Wasn't it he that used to <i>appear?</i>” inquired M'Roarkin. + </p> + <p> + “Sure enough he did, Tom.” + </p> + <p> + “Lord save us,” said Nancy, “what could trouble him, I dunna?” + </p> + <p> + “Why,” continued Shane Fadh, “some said one thing, and some another; but + the upshot of it was this: when the last of the Grameses sould the estate, + castle, and all, it seems he didn't resave all the purchase money; so, + afther he had spint what he got, he applied to the purchaser for the + remainder—him that the Mountjoy family bought it from; but it seems + he didn't draw up writings, or sell it according to law, so that the thief + o' the world baffled him from day to day, and wouldn't give him a penny—bekase + he knew, the blaggard, that the Square was then as poor as a church mouse, + and hadn't money enough to thry it at law with him; but the Square was + always a simple asy-going man. One day he went to this fellow, riding on + an ould garran, with a shoe loose—the only baste he had in the world—and + axed him, for God's sake, to give him of what he owed him, if it was ever + so little; 'for,' says he, 'I huve not as much money betune me and death + as will get a set of shoes for my horse.'” + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' says the nager, 'if-you're not able to keep your horse shod, I + would jist recommend you to sell him, and thin his shoes won't cost you + any thing,' says he. + </p> + <p> + “The ould Square went away with tears in his eyes,—for he loved the + poor brute, bekase they wor the two last branches of the ould stock.” + </p> + <p> + “Why,” inquired M'Kinley, in his small squeaking voice, “was the horse + related to the family?” + </p> + <p> + “I didn't say he was related to the fam—— + </p> + <p> + “Get out, you <i>shingaun!</i>” (* Fairy-like, or connected to the + fairies) returned the old man, perceiving by the laugh that now went + round, the sly tendency of the question—“no, nor to your family + either, for he had nothing of the ass in him—eh? will you put that + in your pocket, my little <i>skinadhre</i> (* A thin, fleshless, stunted + person.)—ha! ha! ha!” + </p> + <p> + The laugh was now turned against M'Kinley. + </p> + <p> + Shane Fadh proceeded: “The ould Square, as I was tellin yez, cried to find + himself an' the poor baste so dissolute; but when he had gone a bit from + the fellow, he comes back to the vagabone—'Now,' says he, 'mind my + words—if you happen to live afther me, you need never expect a + night's pace; for I here make a serous an' solemn vow, that as long as my + property's in your possession, or in any of your seed, breed, or + gineration's, I'll never give over hauntin' you an' them, till you'll rue + to the back-bone your dishonesty an' chathery to me an' this poor baste, + that hasn't a shoe to his foot.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' says the nager, 'I'll take chance of that, any way.'” + </p> + <p> + “I'm tould, Shane,” observed the poacher, “that the Square was a fine man + in his time, that wouldn't put up with sich treatment from anybody.” + </p> + <p> + “Ay, but he was ould now,” Shane replied, “and too wakely to fight.—A + fine man, Bill!—he was the finest man, 'cepting ould Square Storey, + that ever was in this counthry. I hard my granfather often say that he was + six feet four, and made in proportion—a handsome, black-a-vis'd man, + with great dark whiskers. Well! he spent money like sklates, and so he + died miserable—but had a merry birrel, as I said.” + </p> + <p> + “But,” inquired Nancy, “did he ever appear to the rogue that chated him?” + </p> + <p> + “Every night in the year, Nancy, exceptin' Sundays; and what was more, the + horse along with him—for he used to come ridin' at midnight upon the + same garran; and it was no matther what place or company the other 'ud be + in, the ould Square would come reglarly, and crave him for what he owed + him.” + </p> + <p> + “So it appears that horses have sowls,” observed M'Roarkin, + philosophically, giving, at the same time, a cynical chuckle at the + sarcasm contained in his own conceit. + </p> + <p> + “Whether they have sowls or bodies,” replied the narrator, “what I'm + tellin' you is truth; every night in the year the ould chap would come for + what was indue him; find as the two went along, the noise of the loose + shoe upon the horse would be hard rattlin', and seen knockin' the fire out + of the stones, by the neighbors and the thief that chated him, even before + the Square would appeal at all at all.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, wurrah!” exclaimed Nancy, shuddering with terror. “I wouldn't take + anything and be out now on the <i>Drumfarrar road</i>*, and nobody with me + but myself.” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + *A lonely mountain-road, said to have been haunted. It is on + this road that the coffin scenes mentioned in the Party + fight and Funeral is laid. +</pre> + <p> + “I think if you wor,” said M'Kinley, “the light weights and short measures + would be comin' acrass your conscience.” + </p> + <p> + “No, in troth, Alick, wouldn't they; but may be if you wor, the promise + you broke to Sally Mitchell might trouble you a bit: at any rate, I've a + prayer, and if I only repated it wanst, I mightn't be afeard of all the + divils in hell.” + </p> + <p> + “Throth, but it's worth havin', Nancy: where did you get it?” asked + M'Kinley. + </p> + <p> + “Hould your wicked tongue, you thief of a heretic,” said Nancy, laughing, + “when will <i>you</i> larn anything that's good? I got it from one that + wouldn't have it if it <i>wasn't</i> good—Darby M'Murt, the pilgrim, + since you must know.” + </p> + <p> + “Whisht!” said Frayne: “upon my word, I blieve the old Square's comin' to + pay tis a visit; does any of yez hear a horse trottin' with a shoe loose?” + </p> + <p> + “I sartinly hear it,” observed Andy Morrow. + </p> + <p> + “And I,” said Ned himself. + </p> + <p> + There was now a general pause, and in the silence a horse, proceeding from + the moors in the direction of the house, was distinctly heard; and nothing + could be less problematical than that one of his shoes was loose. + </p> + <p> + “Boys, take care of yourselves,” said Shane Fadh, “if the Square comes, he + won't be a pleasant customer—he was a terrible fellow in his day: + I'll hould goold to silver that he'll have the smell of brimstone about + him.” + </p> + <p> + “Nancy, where's your prayer now?” said M'Kinley, with a grin: “I think you + had betther out with it, and thry if it keeps this old brimstone Square on + the wrong side of the house.” + </p> + <p> + “Behave yourself, Alick; it's a shame for you to be sich a hardened + crathur: upon my sannies, I blieve your afeard of neither God nor the + divil—the Lord purtect and guard us from the dirty baste!” + </p> + <p> + “You mane particklarly them that uses short measures and light weights,” + rejoined M'Kinley. + </p> + <p> + There was another pause, for the horseman was within a few perches of the + crossroads. At this moment an unusual gust of wind, accompanied by + torrents of rain, burst against the house with a violence that made its + ribs creak; and the stranger's horse, the shoe still clanking, was + distinctly heard to turn in from the road to Ned's door, where it stopped, + and the next moment a loud knocking intimated the horseman's intention to + enter. The company now looked at each other, as if uncertain what to do. + Nancy herself grew pale, and, in the agitation of the moment, forgot to + think of her protecting prayer. Biddy and Bessy Connolly started from the + settle on which they had been sitting with their sweethearts, and sprung + beside their uncle, on the hob. The stranger was still knocking with great + violence, yet there was no disposition among the company to admit him, + notwithstanding the severity of the night—blowing, as it really did, + a perfect hurricane. At length a sheet of lightning flashed through the + house, followed by an amazing loud clap of thunder; while, with a sudden + push from without, the door gave way, and in stalked a personage Whose + stature was at least six feet four, with dark eyes and complexion, and + coal-black whiskers of an enormous size, the very image of the Squire they + had been describing. He was dressed in a long black surtout, which him + appear even taller than he actually was, had a pair of heavy boots upon + and carried a tremendous whip, large enough to fell an ox. He was in a + rage on entering; and the heavy, dark, close-knit-brows, from beneath + which a pair of eyes, equally black, shot actual fire, whilst the + Turk-like whiskers, which curled themselves up, as it were, in sympathy + with his fury, joined to his towering height, gave him altogether, when we + consider the frame of mind in which he found the company, an appalling and + almost supernatural appearance. + </p> + <p> + “Confound you, for a knot of lazy scoundrels,” exclaimed the stranger, + “why do you sit here so calmly, while any being craves admittance on such + a night as this? Here, you lubber in the corner, with a pipe in your + mouth, come and put up this horse of mine until the night settles.” + </p> + <p> + “May the blessed mother purtect us!” exclaimed Nancy, in a whisper, to + Andy Morrow, “if I blieve he's a right thing!—would it be the ould + Square? Did you ever set your eyes upon sich a”— + </p> + <p> + “Will you bestir yourself, you boor, and' not keep my horse and saddle out + under such a torrent?” he cried, “otherwise I must only bring him into the + house, and then you may say for once that you've had the devil under your + roof.” + </p> + <p> + “Paddy Smith, you lazy spalpeen,” said Nancy, winking at Ned to have + nothing to do with the horse, “why don't you fly and put up the + gintleman's horse? And you, Atty, avourneen, jist go out with him, and + hould the candle while he's doin' it: be quick now, and I'll give you + glasses a-piece when you come in.” + </p> + <p> + “Let them put him up quickly; but I say, you Caliban,” added the stranger, + addressing Smith, “don't be rash about him except you can bear fire and + brimstone; get him, at all events, a good feed of oats. Poor Satan!” he + continued, patting the horse's head, which was now within the door, + “you've had a hard night of it, my poor Satan, as well as myself. That's + my dark spirit—my brave chuck, that fears neither man nor devil.” + </p> + <p> + This language was by no means calculated to allay the suspicions of those + who were present, particularly of Nancy and her two nieces. Ned sat in + astonishment, with the pipe in his hand, which he had, in the surprise of + the moment, taken from his mouth, his eyes fixed upon the stranger, and + his mouth open. The latter noticed him, and stretching over the heads of + the circle, tapped him on the shoulder with his whip:— + </p> + <p> + “I have a few words to say to you, sir,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “To me, your honor!” exclaimed Ned, without stirring, however. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied the other, “but you seem to be fastened to your seat: come + this way.” + </p> + <p> + “By all manner of manes, sir,” said Ned, starting up, and going over to + the dresser, against which the stranger stood. + </p> + <p> + When the latter had got him there, he very coolly walked up, and secured + Ned's comfortable seat on the hob, at the same time observing— + </p> + <p> + “You hadn't the manners to ask me to sit down; but I always make it a + point of conscience to take care of myself, landlord.” + </p> + <p> + There was not a man about the fire who did not stand up, as if struck with + a sudden recollection, and offer him a seat. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said he, “thank you, my good fellows, I am very well as it is: I + suppose, mistress, you are the landlady,” addressing Nancy; “if you be, + I'll thank you to bring me a gill of your best whiskey,—your best, + mind. Let it be as strong as an evil spirit let loose, and as hot as fire; + for it can't be a jot too ardent such a night as this, for a being that + rides the devil.” + </p> + <p> + Nancy started up instinctively, exclaiming, “Indeed, plase your honor's + reverence, I am the landlady, as you say, sir, sure enough; but, the Lawk + save and guard us! won't a gallon of raw whiskey be too much for one man + to drink?” + </p> + <p> + “A gallon! I only said a gill, my good hostess; bring me a gill—but + I forget—I believe you have no such measure in this country; bring + me a pint, then.” + </p> + <p> + Nancy now went into the bar, whither she gave Ned a wink to follow her; + and truly was glad of an opportunity of escaping from the presence of the + visitor. When there, she ejaculated— + </p> + <p> + “May the holy Mother keep and guard us, Ned, but I'm afeard that's no + Christian crathur, at all at all! Arrah, Ned, aroon, would he be that ould + Square Grame, that Shane Fadh, maybe, angered, by spakin' of him?” + </p> + <p> + “Troth,” said Ned, “myself doesn't know what he is; he bates any mortal I + ever seen.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, hould agra! I have it: we'll see whether he'll drink this or not, + any how.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, what's that you're doin'?” asked Ned. + </p> + <p> + “Jist,” replied Nancy, “mixin' the smallest taste in the world of holy + wather with the whiskey, and if he drinks that, you know he can be nothing + that's bad.” * + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The efficacy of holy water in all Roman Catholic countries, + but especially in Ireland, is supposed to be very great. It + is kept in the house, or, in certain cases, about the + person, as a safeguard against evil spirits, fairies, or + sickness. It is also used to allay storms and quench + conflagrations; and when an Irishman or Irishwoman is about + to go a journey, commence labor or enter upon any other + important undertaking, the person is sure to be sprinkled + with holy water, under the hope that the journey or + undertaking will prosper. +</pre> + <p> + Nancy, however, did not perceive that the trepidation of her hand was such + as to incapacitate her from making nice distinctions in the admixture. She + now brought the spirits to the stranger, who no sooner took a mouthful of + it, than he immediately stopped it on its passage, and fixing his eyes + earnestly on herself, squirted it into the fire, and the next moment the + whiskey was in a blaze that seemed likely to set the chimney in flames. + </p> + <p> + “Why, my honest hostess,” he exclaimed, “do you give this to me for + whiskey? Confound me, but two-thirds of it is water; and I have no notion + to pay for water when I want spirits: have the goodness to exchange this, + and get me some better stuff, if you have it.” + </p> + <p> + He again put the jug to his mouth, and having taken a little, swallowed + it:—“Why, I tell you, woman, you must have made some mistake; + one-half of it is water.” + </p> + <p> + Now, Nancy, from the moment he refused to swallow the liquor, had been + lock-jawed; the fact was, she thought that the devil himself, or old + Squire Graham, had got under her roof; and she stood behind Ned, who was + nearly as terrified as herself, with her hands raised, her tongue clinging + to the roof of her mouth, and the perspiration falling from her pale face + in large drops. But as soon as she saw him swallow a portion of that + liquid, which she deemed beyond the deglutition of ghost or devil, she + instantly revived—her tongue resumed its accustomed office—her + courage, as well as her good-humor, returned, and she went up to him with + great confidence, saying, + </p> + <p> + “Why, then, your Reverence's honor, maybe I did make a bit of a mistake, + sir”—taking up the jug, and tasting its contents: “Hut! bad scran to + me, but I did, beggin' your honor's pardon; how-an-diver, I'll soon + rightify that, your Reverence.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, she went and brought him a pint of the stoutest the house + afforded. The stranger drank a glass of it, and then ordered hot water and + sugar, adding— + </p> + <p> + “My honest friends here about the fire will have no objection to help me + with this; but, on second consideration, you had better get us another + quart, that as the night is cold, we may have a jorum at this pleasant + fire, that will do our hearts good; and this pretty girl here,” addressing + Biddy, who really deserved the epithet, “will sit beside me, and give us a + song.” + </p> + <p> + It was surprising what an effect the punch even in perspective, had upon + the visual organs of the company; second-sight was rather its precursor + than its attendant; for, with intuitive penetration, they now discovered + various good qualities in his ghost-ship, that had hitherto been beyond + their ken; and those very personal properties, which before struck them + dumb with terror, already called forth their applause. + </p> + <p> + “What a fine man he is!” one would whisper, loud enough, however, to be + heard by the object of his panegyric. + </p> + <p> + “He is, indeed, and a rale gintleman,” another would respond in the same + key. + </p> + <p> + “Hut! he's none of your proud, stingy upsthart bodagahs*—none of + your beggarly half-sirs*,” a third would remark: “he's the dacent thing + entirely—you see he hasn't his heart in a thrifle.” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * A person vulgar, but rich, without any pretensions but + those of wealth to the character of a gentleman; a churl. + Half-sir; the same as above. +</pre> + <p> + “And so sign's on him,” a fourth would add, with comic gravity, “he wasn't + bred to shabbiness, as you may know by his fine behavior and his big + whiskers.” + </p> + <p> + When the punch was made, and the kitchen-table placed endwise towards the + fire, the stranger, finding himself very comfortable, inquired if he could + be accommodated with a bed and supper, to which Nancy replied in the + affirmative. + </p> + <p> + “Then, in that case,” said he, “I will be your guest for the night.” + </p> + <p> + Shane Fadh now took courage to repeat the story of old Squire Graham and + his horse with the loose shoe; informing the stranger, at the same time, + of the singular likeness which he bore to the subject of the story, both + in face and size, and dwelling upon the remarkable coincidence in the time + and manner of his approach. + </p> + <p> + “Tut, man!” said the stranger, “a far more extraordinary adventure + happened to one of my father's tenants, which, if none of you have any + objection, I will relate.” + </p> + <p> + There was a buzz of approbation at this; and they all thanked his honor, + expressing the strongest desire to hear his story. He was just proceeding + to gratify them, when another rap came to the door, and, before any of the + inmates had time to open it, Father Ned Deleery and his curate made their + appearance, having been on their way home from a conference held in the + town of ——, eighteen miles from the scene of our present + story. + </p> + <p> + It may be right here to inform the reader, that about two hundred yards + from Ned's home stood a place of Roman Catholic worship, called “the + Forth,” * from the resemblance it bore to the <i>Forts</i> or <i>Baths</i>, + so common in Ireland. It was a small green, perfectly circular, and about + twenty yards in diameter. Around it grew a row of old overspreading + hawthorns, whose branches formed a canopy that almost shaded it from sun + and storm. Its area was encompassed by tiers of seats, one raised above + another, and covered with the flowery grass. On these the congregation + used to sit—the young men chatting or ogling their sweethearts on + the opposite side; the old ones in little groups, discussing the politics + of the day, as retailed by Mick M'Caffry.** the politician; while, up near + the altar, hemmed in by a ring of old men and women, you might perceive a + <i>voteen</i>, repeating some new prayer or choice piece of devotion—or + some other, in a similar circle, perusing, in a loud voice. Dr. + Gallagher's Irish Sermons, Pastorini's History of the Christian Church, or + Columbkill's Prophecy—and, perhaps, a strolling pilgrim, the centre + of a third collection, singing the <i>Dies irae</i>, in Latin, or the + Hermit of Killarney, in English. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * This very beautiful but simple place of worship does not + now exist. On its site is now erected a Roman Catholic + chapel. + + ** Mick was also a schoolmaster, and the most celebrated + village politician of his day. Every Sunday found him + engaged as in the text. +</pre> + <p> + At the extremity of this little circle was a plain altar of wood, covered + with a little thatched shed, under which the priest celebrated mass; but + before the performance of this ceremony, a large multitude usually + assembled opposite Ned's shop-door, at the cross-roads. This crowd + consisted of such as wanted to buy tobacco, candles, soap, potash, and + such other groceries as the peasantry remote from market-towns require. + After mass, the public-house was filled to the door-posts, with those who + wished to get a sample of Nancy's <i>Iska-behagh</i>* and many a time has + little Father Ned himself, of a frosty day, after having performed mass + with a celerity highly agreeable to his auditory, come in to Nancy, nearly + frost-bitten, to get his breakfast, and a toothful of mountain dew to + drive the cold out of his stomach. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + <i>Usquebaugh</i>—literally, “water of life.” + </pre> + <p> + The fact is, that Father Deleery made himself quite at home at Ned's + without any reference to Nancy's saving habits; the consequence was, that + her welcome to him was extremely sincere—“from the teeth out.” + Father Ned saw perfectly through her assumed heartiness of manner, but + acted as if the contrary was the case; Nancy understood him also, and with + an intention of making up by complaisance for their niggardliness in other + respects, was a perfect honeycomb. This state of cross-purposes, however, + could not last long; neither did it. Father Ned never paid, and Nancy + never gave credit; so, at length, they came to an open rupture; she + threatened to process him for what he owed her, and he, in return, + threatened to remove the congregation from “The Forth” to Ballymagowan + bridge, where he intended to set up his nephew in the “public line,” to + the ruin of Nancy's flourishing establishment. + </p> + <p> + “Father Ned,” said Nancy, “I'm a hardworking, honest woman, and I don't + see why my substance is to be wasted by your Reverence when you won't pay + for it.” + </p> + <p> + “And do you forget,” Father Ned would reply, “that it's me that brings you + your custom? Don't you know that if I remove my flock to Ballymagowan, + you'll soon sing to another tune? so lay that to your heart.” + </p> + <p> + “Troth, I know that whatever I get I'm obliged to pay for it; and I think + every man should do the same, Father Ned. You must get a hank of yarn from + me, and a bushel or two of oats from Ned, and your riglar dues along with + all; but, avourneen, it's yourself that won't pay a penny when you can + help it.” + </p> + <p> + “Salvation to me, but you'd skin a flint!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, if I would, I pay my debts first.” + </p> + <p> + “You do?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, troth, do I.” + </p> + <p> + “Why then that's more than you'll be able to do long, plase the fates.” + </p> + <p> + “If all my customers wor like your Reverence, it is.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll tell you what it is, Nancy, I often threatened to take the + congregation from 'The Forth,' and I'll do it—if I don't, may I + never sup sorrow!” + </p> + <p> + Big with such a threat, Father Ned retired. The apprehensions of Nancy on + this point, however, were more serious than she was willing to + acknowledge. This dispute took place a few days before the night in + question. + </p> + <p> + Father Ned was a little man, with a red face, slender legs, and flat feet; + he was usually cased in a pair of ribbed minister's grey small-clothes, + with leggings of the same material. His coat, which was much too short, + rather resembled a jerkin, and gave him altogether an appearance very much + at variance with an idea of personal gravity or reverence. Over this dress + he wore in winter, a dark great-coat, with high collar, that buttoned + across his face, showing only the point, of his red nose; so that, when + riding or walking, his hat rested more upon the collar of his coat than + upon his head. + </p> + <p> + The curate was a tall, raw-boned young man, with high jutting cheek-bones, + low forehead, and close knees; to his shoulders, which were very high, + hung a pair of long bony arms, whose motions seemed rather the effect of + machinery than volition. His hair, which was a bad black, was cropped + close, and trimmed across his eye-brows, like that of a Methodist + preacher; the small-clothes he wore were of the same web which had + produced Father Ned's, and his body-coat was a dark blue, with black + buttons. Each wore a pair of gray woollen mittens. + </p> + <p> + “There, Pether,” said Father Ned, as he entered, “hook my bridle along + with your own, as your hand is in—God save all here! Paddy Smith, ma + bouchal, put these horses in the stable, till we dry ourselves a bit—Father + Pether and I.” + </p> + <p> + “Musha, but you're both welcome,” said Nancy, wishing to wipe out the + effects of the last tift with Father Ned, by the assistance of the + stranger's punch; “will ye bounce, ye spalpeens, and let them to the fire? + Father Ned, you're dhreepin' with the rain; and, Father Pether, avourneen, + you're wet to the skin, too.” + </p> + <p> + “Troth, and he is, Nancy, and a little bit farther, if you knew but all. + Mr. Morrow, how do you do, sir?—And—eh?—Who's this we've + got in the corner? A gintleman, boys, if cloth can make one! Mr. Morrow, + introduce me.” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed, Father Ned, I hav'nt the pleasure of knowing the gintleman + myself.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, no matter—come up, Pether. Sir, I have the honor of + introducing you to my curate and coadjutor, the Reverend Pether + M'Clatchaghan, and to myself, his excellent friend, but spiritual + superior, the Reverend Edward Deleery, Roman Catholic Rector of this + highly respectable and extensive parish; and I have further the pleasure,” + he continued, taking up Andy Morrow's Punch, “of drinking your very good + health, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “And I have the honor,” returned the stranger, rising up, and diving his + head among the flitches of bacon that hung in the chimney, “of introducing + you and the Rev. Mr. M'—M'—M'——” + </p> + <p> + “Clatchagan, sir,” subjoined Father Ned. + </p> + <p> + “Peter M'Illclatchagan, to Mr. Longinus Polysyllabus Alexandrinus.” + </p> + <p> + “By my word, sir, but it's a good and appropriate name, sure enough,” said + Father Ned, surveying his enormous length; “success to me but you're an + Alexandrine from head to foot—non solum Longinus, sed Alexandrinus.” + </p> + <p> + “You're wrong, sir, in the Latin,” said Father Peter. + </p> + <p> + “Prove it, Peter—prove it.” + </p> + <p> + “It should be non tantum, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “By what rule Pether?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, sir, there's a phrase in Corderius's Colloquies that I could condimn + you from, if I had the book.” + </p> + <p> + “Pether, you think you're a scholar, and, to do you justice, you're cute + enough sometimes; but, Pether, you didn't travel for it, as I did—nor + were you obliged to lep out of a college windy in Paris, at the time of + the French Revolution, for your larning, as I was: not you, man, you ate + the king's mutton comfortably at home in Maynooth, instead of travelling + like your betters.” + </p> + <p> + “I appale to this gintleman,” said Father Peter turning to the stranger. + “Are you a classical scholar, sir—that is, do you understand Latin?” + </p> + <p> + “What kind?” demanded the stranger dryly. + </p> + <p> + “If you have read Corderius's Colloquies, it will do,” said Father Peter. + </p> + <p> + “No, sir,” replied the other, “but I have read his commentator, <i>Bardolphus</i>, + who wrote a treatise upon the <i>Nasus Rubricundus</i> of the ancients.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir, if you did, it's probable that you may be able to understand + our dispute, so”— + </p> + <p> + “Peter, I'm afeard you've got into the wrong box; for I say he's no + chicken that's read <i>Nasus Rubricundus</i>, I can tell you that; I had + my own trouble with it: but, at any rate, will you take your punch, man + alive, and don't bother us with your Latin?” + </p> + <p> + “I beg your pardon, Father Ned: I insist that. I'm right; and I'll + convince you that you're wrong, if God spares me to see Corderius + to-morrow.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well then, Pether, if you're to decide it to-morrow, let us have no + more of it tonight.” + </p> + <p> + During this conversation between the two reverend worthies, the group + around the fire were utterly astonished at the erudition displayed in this + learned dispute. + </p> + <p> + “Well, to be sure, larnin's a great thing, entirely,” said M'Roarkin, + aside, to Shane Fadh. + </p> + <p> + “Ah, Tom, there's nothing like it: well, any way, it's wonderful what they + know!” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed it is, Shane—and in so short a time, too! Sure, it's not + more nor five or six years since Father Pether there used to be digging + praties on the one ridge with myself—by the same token, an excellent + spadesman he was—and now he knows more nor all the Protestant + parsons in the Diocy.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, how could they know any thing, when they don't belong to the thrue + church?” said Shane. + </p> + <p> + “Thrue for you, Shane,” replied M'Roaran; “I disremimbered that clincher.” + </p> + <p> + This discourse ran parallel with the dispute between the two priests, but + in so low a tone as not to reach the ears of the classical champions, who + would have ill-brooked this eulogium upon Father Peter's agricultural + talent. + </p> + <p> + “Don't bother us, Pether, with your arguing to-night,” said Father Ned, + “it's enough for you to be seven days in the week at your disputations.—Sir, + I drink to our better acquaintance.” + </p> + <p> + “With all my heart, sir,” replied the stranger. + </p> + <p> + “Father Ned,” said Nancy, “the gintleman was going to tell us a sthrange + story, sir, and maybe your Reverence would wish to hear it, docthor?” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly, Nancy, we'll be very happy to hear any story the gintleman may + plase to tell us; but, Nancy, achora, before he begins, what if you'd just + fry a slice or two of that glorious flitch, hanging over his head, in the + corner?—that, and about six eggs, Nancy, and you'll have the + priest's blessing, gratis.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, Father Ned, it's too fresh, entirely—sure it's not a week + hanging yet. + </p> + <p> + “Sorra matter, Nancy dheelish, we'll take with all that—just try + your hand at a slice of it. I rode eighteen miles since I dined, and I + feel a craving, Nancy, a <i>whacuum</i> in my stomach, that's rather + troublesome.” + </p> + <p> + “To be sure, Father Ned, you must get a slice, with all the veins in my + heart; but I thought maybe you wouldn't like it so fresh: but what on + earth will we do for eggs? for there's not an egg under the roof with me.” + </p> + <p> + “Biddy, a hagur,” said Father Ned, “just slip out to Molshy Johnson, and + tell her to send me six eggs for a rasher, by the same token that I heard + two or three hens cackling in the byre, as I was going to conference this + morning.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, Docthor,” said Pat Frayne, when Biddy had been gone some time, on + which embassy she delayed longer than the priest's judgment, influenced by + the cravings of his stomach, calculated to be necessary,—“Well, + Docthor, I often pity you, for fasting so long; I'm sure, I dunna how you + can stand it, at all, at all.” + </p> + <p> + “Troth, and you may well wonder, Pat; but we have that to support us, that + you, or any one like you, know nothing about—inward support, Pat—inward + support.” + </p> + <p> + “Only for that, Father Ned,” said Shane Fadh, “I suppose you could never + get through with it.” + </p> + <p> + “Very right, Shane—very right: only for it, we never could do.—What + the dickens is keeping this girl with the eggs?—why she might be at + Mr. Morrow's, here, since. By the way, Mr. Morrow,” he continued, + laughing, “you must come over to our church: you're a good neighbor, and a + worthy fellow, and it's a thousand pities you should be sent down.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, Docthor,” said Andy, “do you really believe I'll go downwards?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, Mr. Morrow, don't ask me that question—out of the pale, you + know—out of the pale.” + </p> + <p> + “Then you think, sir, there's no chance for me, at all?” said Andy, + smiling. + </p> + <p> + “Not the laste, Andy, you must go this way,” said Father Ned, striking the + floor with the butt end of his whip, and winking—“to the lower + raigons; and, upon my knowledge, to tell you the truth, I'm sorry for it, + for you're a worthy fellow.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, Docthor,” said Ned, “it's a great thing entirely to be born of the + true church—one's always sure, then.” + </p> + <p> + “Ay, ay; you may say that, Ned,” returned the priest, “come or go what + will, a man's always safe at the long run, except he dies without his + clargy.—Shane, hand me the jug, if you please.—Where did you + get this stuff, Nancy?—faith, it's excellent.” + </p> + <p> + “You forget, Father Ned, that that's a secret.——But here's + Biddy with the eggs, and now you'll have your rasher in no time.” + </p> + <p> + When the two clergymen had discussed the rashers and eggs, and while the + happy group were making themselves intimately acquainted with a fresh jug + of punch, as it circulated round the table— + </p> + <p> + “Now, sir,” said Father Ned to the stranger, “we'll hear your story with + the greatest satisfaction possible; but I think you might charge your + tumbler before you set to it.” + </p> + <p> + When the stranger had complied with this last hint, “Well, gentlemen,” + said he, “as I am rather fatigued, will you excuse me for the position I + am about to occupy, which is simply to stretch myself along the hob here, + with my head upon the straw hassoch? and if you have no objection to that, + I will relate the story.” + </p> + <p> + To this, of course, a general assent was given. When he was stretched + completely at his ease— + </p> + <p> + “Well, upon my veracity,” observed Father Peter, “the gentleman's + supernaturally long.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Pether,” replied Father Ned, “but observe his position—<i>Polysyllaba + cuncta supina</i>, as Psorody says.—Arrah, salvation to me but + you're a dull man, afther all!—but we're interrupting the gentleman. + Sir, go on, if you please, with your story.” + </p> + <p> + “Give me a few minutes,” said he, “until I recollect the particulars.” + </p> + <p> + He accordingly continued quiescent for two or three minutes more, + apparently arranging the materials of his intended narration, and then + commenced to gratify the eager expectations of his auditory, by emitting + those nasal enunciations which are the usual accompaniments of sleep! + </p> + <p> + “Why, bad luck to the morsel of 'im but's asleep,” said Ned; “Lord pardon + me for swearin' in your Reverence's presence.” + </p> + <p> + “That's certainly the language of a sleeping man,” replied Father Ned, + “but there might have been a little more respect than all that snoring + comes to. Your health, boys.” + </p> + <p> + The stranger had now wound up his nasal organ to a high pitch, after which + he commenced again with somewhat of a lower and finer tone. + </p> + <p> + “He's beginning a new paragraph,” observed Father Peter with a smile at + the joke. + </p> + <p> + “Not at all,” said Father Ned, “he's turning the tune; don't you perceive + that he's snoring 'God save the King,' in the key of <i>bass relievo?</i>” + </p> + <p> + “I'm no judge of instrumental music, as you are,” said the curate, “but I + think it's liker the 'Dead March of Saul,' than 'God save the King;' + however, if you be right, the gentleman certainly snores in a truly loyal + strain.” + </p> + <p> + “That,” said little M'Roarkin, “is liker the Swine's melody, or the + Bedfordshire hornpipe—he—he—he!” + </p> + <p> + “The poor gintleman's tired,” observed Nancy, “afther a hard day's + thravelling.” + </p> + <p> + “I dare say he is,” said Father Ned, in the sincere hospitality of his + country; “at all events, take care of him, Nancy, he's a stranger, and get + the best supper you can for him—he appears to be a truly respectable + and well-bred man.” + </p> + <p> + “I think,” said M'Kinley, with a comical grin, “you might know that by his + high-flown manner of sleeping—he snores very politely, and like a + gentleman, all out.” + </p> + <p> + “Well done, Alick,” said the priest, laughing; “go home, boys, it's near + bed-time; Paddy, ma bouchal, are the horses ready?” + </p> + <p> + “They'll be at the door in a jiffy, your Reverence,” said Paddy going out. + </p> + <p> + In the course of a few minutes, he returned, exclaiming, “Why, thin, is it + thinkin' to venthur out sich a night as it's comin' on yer Reverences + would be? and it plashin' as if it came out of methers! Sure the life + would be dhrownded out of both of ye, and yees might colch a faver into + the bargain.” + </p> + <p> + “Sit down, gintlemen,” said Ned; “sit down, Father Ned, you and Father + Pether—we'll have another tumbler; and, as it's my turn to tell a + story, I'll give yez something, amuse yez,—the best I can, and, you + all know, who can do more?” + </p> + <p> + “Very right, Ned; but let us see”—replied father Ned, putting his + head out of the door to ascertain what the night did; “come, pether, it's + good to be on the safe side of any house in such a storm; we must only + content ourselves until it gets fair. Now, Ned, go on with your story, and + let it be as pleasant as possible.” + </p> + <p> + “Never fear, your Reverence,” replied Ned—“here goes—and + healths a-piece to begin with.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE THREE TASKS. + </h2> + <p> + “Every person in the parish knows the purty knoll that rises above the + Routing Burn, some few miles from the renowned town of Knockimdowny, + which, as all the world must allow, wants only houses and inhabitants to + be as big a place as the great town of Dublin itself. At the foot of this + little hill, just under the shelter of a dacent pebble of a rock, + something above the bulk of half a dozen churches, one would be apt to see—if + they knew how to look sharp, otherwise they mightn't be able to make it + out from the gray rock above it, except by the smoke that ris from the + chimbley—Nancy Magennis's little cabin, snug and cosey with its + corrag* or ould man of branches, standing on the windy side of the door, + to keep away the blast. Upon my word, it was a dacent little residence in + its own way, and so was Nancy herself, for that matther; for, though a + poor widdy, she was very <i>punctwell</i> in paying for Jack's schooling, + as I often heard ould Terry M'Phaudeen say, who told me the story. Jack, + indeed, grew up a fine slip; and for hurling, foot-ball playing, and + lepping, hadn't his likes in the five quarters of the parish. It's he that + knew how to handle a spade and a raping-hook, and what was betther nor all + that, he was kind and tindher to his poor ould mother, and would let her + want for nothing. Before he'd go to his day's work in the morning, he'd be + sure to bring home from the clear-spring well that ran out of the other + side of the rock, a pitcher of water to serve her for the day; nor would + he forget to bring in a good creel of turf from the snug little peat-sack + that stood thatched with rushes before the door, and leave it in the + corner, beside the fire; so that she had nothing to do but put over her + hand, without rising off of her sate, and put down a sod when she wanted + it. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + *The <i>Corrag</i> is a roll of branches tied together when green + and used for the purposes mentioned the story. It is six + feet high, and much thicker than a sack, and is changed to + either side of the door according to the direction from + which the wind blows. +</pre> + <p> + “Nancy, on her part, kept Jack very clane and comfortable; his linen, + though coorse, was always a good color, his working clothes tidily mended + at all times; and when he'd have occasion to put on his good coat to work + in for the first time, Nancy would sew on the fore-part of each sleeve a + stout patch of ould cloth, to keep them from being worn by the spade; so + that when she'd rip these off them every Saturday night, they would look + as new and fresh as if he hadn't been working in them at all, at all. + </p> + <p> + “Then when Jack came home in the winter nights, it would do your heart + good to see Nancy sitting at her wheel, singing, '<i>Stachan Varagah</i>,' + or '<i>Peggy Na Laveen</i>,' beside a purty clear fire, with a small pot + of <i>murphys</i> boiling on it for their supper, or laid up in a wooden + dish, comfortably covered with a clane praskeen on the well-swept + hearth-stone; whilst the quiet, dancing blaze might be seen blinking in + the nice earthen plates and dishes that stood over against the side-wall + of the house. Just before the fire you might see Jack's stool waiting for + him to come home; and on the other side, the brown cat washing her face + with her paws, or sitting beside the dog that lay asleep, quite happy and + continted, purring her song, and now and then looking over at Nancy, with + her eyes half-shut, as much as to say, 'Catch a happier pair nor we are, + Nancy, if you can.' + </p> + <p> + “Sitting quietly on the roost above the door, were Dicky the cock, and + half-a-dozen hens, that kept this honest pair in eggs and <i>egg-milk</i> + for the best part of the year, besides enabling Nancy to sell two or three + clutches of March-birds every season, to help to buy wool for Jack's + big-coat, and her own gray-beard gown and striped red and blue petticoat. + </p> + <p> + “To make a long story short—No two could be more comfortable, + considering every thing. But, indeed, Jack was always obsarved to have a + dacent ginteel turn with him; for he'd scorn to see a bad gown on his + mother, or a broken Sunday coat on himself; and instead of drinking his + little earning in a shebeen-house, and then eating his praties dry, he'd + take care to have something to kitchen* them; so that he was not only snug + and dacent of a Sunday, regarding wearables, but so well-fed and rosy, + that a point of a rush would take a drop of blood out of his cheek.** Then + he was the comeliest and best-looking young man in the parish, could tell + lots of droll stories, and sing scores of merry songs that would make you + split your sides with downright laughing; and when a wake or a dance would + happen to be in the neighborhood, maybe there wouldn't be many a sly look + from the purty girls for pleasant Jack Magennis! + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The straits to which the poor Irish are put for what is + termed kitchen—that is some liquid that enables them to + dilute and swallow the dry potato—are grievous to think of. + An Irishman in his miserable cabin will often feel glad to + have salt and water in which to dip it, but that alluded to + in the text is absolute comfort. Egg milk is made as + follows:—A measure of water is put down suited to the + number of the family; the poor woman then takes the proper + number of eggs, which she beats up, and, when the water is + boiling, pours it in, stirring it well for a couple of + minutes. It is then made, and handed round in wooden + noggins, every one salting for themselves. In color it + resembles milk, which accounts for its name. + + Our readers must have heard of the old and well known luxury + of “potatoes and point,” which, humorous as it is, scarcely + falls short of the truth. An Irish family, of the cabin + class, hangs up in the chimney a herring, or “small taste” of + bacon, and as the national imagination is said to be strong, + each individual points the potato he is going to eat at it, + upon the principle, I suppose, of <i>crede et habes</i>. It is + generally said that the act communicates the flavor of the + herring or bacon, as the case may be, to the potato; and + this is called “potatoes and point.” + + ** This proverb, which is always used as above, but without + being confined in its application, to only one sex, is a + general one in Ireland. In delicacy and beauty I think it + inimitable. +</pre> + <p> + “In this way lived Jack and his mother, as happy and continted as two + lords; except now and thin, that Jack would feel a little consarn for not + being able to lay past anything for the <i>sorefoot</i>,* or that might + enable him to think of marrying—for he was beginning to look about + him for a wife; and why not, to be sure? But he was prudent for all that, + and didn't wish to bring a wife and small family into poverty and hardship + without means to support them, as too many do. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Accidents—future calamity—or old age. +</pre> + <p> + “It was one fine, frosty, moonlight night—the sky was without a + cloud, and the stars all blinking that it would delight anybody's heart to + look at them, when Jack was crassing a bog that lay a few fields beyant + his own cabin. He was just crooning the '<i>Humors of Glynn</i>' to + himself and thinking that it was a very hard case that he couldn't save + anything at all, at all, to help him to the wife, when, on coming down a + bank in the middle of the bog, he saw a dark-looking man leaning against a + clamp of turf, and a black dog, with a pipe of tobacky in his mouth, + sitting at his ase beside him, and he smoking as sober as a judge. Jack, + however, had a stout heart, bekase his conscience was clear, and, barring + being a little daunted, he wasn't very much afeard. 'Who is this coming + down towards us?' said the black-favored man, as he saw Jack approaching + them. 'It's Jack Magennis,' says the dog, making answer, and taking the + pipe out of his mouth with his right paw; and after puffing away the + smoke, and rubbing the end of it against his left leg, exactly as a + Christian (this day's Friday, the Lord stand betune us and harm) would do + against his sleeve, giving it at the same time to his comrade—'It's + Jack Magennis,' says the dog, 'honest Widow Magennis's dacent son.' 'The + very man,' says the other, back to him, 'that I'd wish to sarve out of a + thousand. Arrah, Jack Magennis, how is every tether-length of you?' says + the old fellow, putting the <i>furrawn</i>* on him—'and how is every + bone in your body, Jack, my darling? I'll hould a thousand guineas,' says + he, pointing to a great big bag that lay beside him, 'and that's only the + tenth part of what's in this bag, Jack, that you're just going to be in + luck to-night above all the nights in the year.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * That frank, cordial manner of address which brings + strangers suddenly to intimacy. +</pre> + <p> + “'And may worse never happen you, Jack, my bouchal,' says the dog, putting + in his tongue, then wagging his tail, and houlding out his paw to shake + hands with Jack. + </p> + <p> + “'Gintlemen,' says Jack, never minding to give the dog his hand, bekase he + heard it wasn't safe to touch the likes of him—'Gintlemen,' says he, + 'ye're sitting far from the fire this frosty night.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, that's true, Jack,' answers the ould fellow; 'but if we're sitting + far from the fire, we're sitting very near the makins of it, man alive.' + So, with this, he pulls the bag of goold over to him, that Jack might + know, by the jingle of the shiners, what was in it. + </p> + <p> + “'Jack,' says dark-face, 'there's some born with a silver ladle in their + mouth, and others with a wooden spoon; and if you'll just sit down on the + one end of this clamp with me, and take a hand at the five and ten,' + pulling out, as he spoke, a deck of cards, 'you may be a made man for the + remainder of your life.' + </p> + <p> + “'Sir,' says Jack, 'with submission, both yourself and this cur—I + mane,' says he, not wishing to give the dog offence, 'both yourself and + this dacint gintleman with the tail and claws upon him, have the advantage + of me, in respect of knowing my name; for, if I don't mistake,' says he, + putting his hand to his caubeen, 'I never had the pleasure of seeing + either of ye before.' + </p> + <p> + “'Never mind that,' says the dog, taking back the pipe from the other, and + clapping it in his mouth; 'we're both your well-wishers, anyhow, and it's + now your own fault if you're not a rich man.' + </p> + <p> + “Jack, by this time, was beginning to think that they might be afther + wishing to throw luck in his way; for he had often heard of men being made + up entirely by the fairies, till there was no end to their wealth. + </p> + <p> + “'Jack,' says the black man, 'you had better be led by us for this bout—upon + the honor of a gintleman we wish you well: however, if you don't choose to + take the ball at the right hop, another may; and you're welcome to toil + all your life, and die a beggar after.' + </p> + <p> + “'Upon my reputation, what he says is true, Jack,' says the dog, in his + turn, 'the lucky minute of your life is come: let it pass without doing + what them that wishes your mother's son well desire you, and you'll die in + a ditch.' + </p> + <p> + “'And what am I to do,' says Jack, 'that's to make me so rich all of a + sudden?' + </p> + <p> + “'Why only to sit down, and take a game of cards with myself says + black-brow, 'that's all, and I'm sure its not much.' + </p> + <p> + “'And what is it to be for?' Jack inquires; 'for I have no money—tare-nation + to the rap itself's in my company.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, you have yourself,' says the dog, putting up his fore-claw along + his nose, and winking at Jack; 'you have yourself, man—don't be + faint-hearted: he'll bet the contents of this bag;' and with that the ould + thief gave it another great big shake, to make the guineas jingle again. + 'It's ten thousand guineas in hard goold; if he wins, you're to sarve him + for a year and a day; and if he loses, you're to have the bag.' + </p> + <p> + “'And the money that's in it?' says Jack, wishing, you see, to make a sure + bargain, anyhow. + </p> + <p> + “'Ev'ry penny,' answered the ould chap, 'if you win it;' and there's fifty + to one in your favor.' + </p> + <p> + “By this time the dog had gone into a great fit of laughing at Jack's + sharpness about the money. 'The money that's in it, Jack!' says he; and he + took the pipe out of his mouth, and laughed till he brought on a hard fit + of coughing. 'O, by this and by that says he, 'but that bates Bannagher! + And you're to get ev'ry penny, you thief o' the world, if you win it!' but + for all that he seemed to be laughing at something that Jack wasn't up to. + </p> + <p> + “At any rate, surely, they palavered Jack betune them until he sot down + and consinted. 'Well,' says he, scratching his head, 'why, worse nor lose + I can't, so here goes for one trial at the shiners, any how!' + </p> + <p> + “'Now,' says the obscure gintleman, just whin the first card was in his + hand, ready to be laid down, 'you're to sarve me for a year and a day, if + I win; and if I lose, you shall have all the money in the bag.' + </p> + <p> + “'Exactly,' said Jack, and, just as he said the word, he saw the dog + putting the pipe in his pocket, and turning his head away, for fraid Jack + would see him breaking his sides laughing. At last, when he got his face + sobered, he looks at Jack, and says, 'Surely, Jack, if you win, you must + get all the money in the bag; and, upon my reputation, you may build + castles in the air with it, you'll be so rich.' + </p> + <p> + “This plucked up Jack's courage a little, and to work they went; and how + could it end otherwise than Jack to lose betune two such knowing schamers + as they soon turned out to be? For, what do you think? but, as Jack was + beginning the game, the dog tips him a wink—laying his fore-claw + along his nose as before, as much as to say, 'Watch me, and you'll win'—turning + round, at the same time, and showing Jack a nate little looking-glass, + that was set in his oxther, in which Jack saw, dark as it was, the spots + of all the other fellow's cards, as he thought, so that he was cock-sure + of bating him. But they were a pair of downright knaves any how; for Jack, + by playing to the cards that he saw in the looking-glass, instead of to + them the other held in his hand, lost the game and the money. In short, he + saw that he was blarnied and chated by them both; and when the game was + up, he plainly tould them as much. + </p> + <p> + “'What?—you scoundrel!' says the black fellow, starting up and + catching him by the collar; 'dare you go for to impache my honor?' + </p> + <p> + “'Leather him, if he says a word,' says the dog, running over on his + hind-legs, and laying his shut paw upon Jack's nose. 'Say another word, + you rascal!' says he, 'and I'll down you;' with this, the ould fellow + gives him another shake. + </p> + <p> + “'I don't blame you so much,' says Jack to him; 'it was the looking-glass + that desaved me. That cur's nothing but a black leg!' + </p> + <p> + “'What looking-glass?—you knave you!' says dark-face, giving him a + fresh haul. + </p> + <p> + “'Why, the one I saw under the dog's oxther,' replied Jack. + </p> + <p> + “'Under my oxther, you swindling rascal!' replied the dog, giving him a + pull by the other side of the collar; 'did ever any honest pair of + gintlemen hear the like?—but he only wants to break through the + agreement: so let us turn him at once into an ass, and then he'll break no + more bargains, nor strive to take in honest men and win their money. Me a + black-leg!' So the dark fellow drew his two hands over Jack's jaws, and in + a twinkling there was a pair of ass's ears growing up out of his head. + When Jack found this, he knew that he wasn't in good hands: so he thought + it best to get himself as well out of the scrape as possible. + </p> + <p> + “'Gintlemen, be aisy,' says he, 'and let us understand one another: I'm + very willing to sarve you for a year and a day; but I've one requist to + ax, and it's this: I've a helpless ould mother at home,—and if I go + with you now, she'll break her heart with grief first, and starve + afterwards. Now, if your honor will give me a year to work hard, and lay + in provision to support her while I'm away, I'll serve you with all the + veins of my heart—for a bargain's a bargain.' + </p> + <p> + “With this, the dog gave his companion a pluck by the skirt, and, after + some chat together that Jack didn't hear, they came back and said that + they would comply with his wishes that far: 'So, on to-morrow twelvemonth, + Jack,' says the dark fellow, 'the dog here will come to your mother's, and + if you follow him he'll bring you safe to my castle.' + </p> + <p> + “'Very well, your honor,' says Jack; 'but as dogs resemble one another so + much, how will I know him when he comes?' + </p> + <p> + “'Why,' answers the other, 'he'll have a green ribbon and a spy-glass + about his neck, and a pair of Wellington boots on his hind legs.' + </p> + <p> + “'That's enough, sir,' says Jack, 'I can't mistake him in that dress, so + I'll be ready; but, jintlemen, if it would be plasing to you both I'd + every bit as soon not go home with these,' and he handled the brave pair + of ears he had got, as he spoke. 'The truth is, jintlemen, I'm deluding + enough without them; and as I'm so modest, you persave, why if you'd take + them away, you'd oblige me!' + </p> + <p> + “To this they had no objection, and during that year Jack wrought night + and day, that he might be able to lave as much provision with his poor + mother as would support her in his absence; and when the morning came that + he was to bid her farewell, he went down on his two knees and got her + blessing. He then left her with tears in his eyes, and promised to come + back the very minute his time would be up. 'Mother,' says he, 'be kind to + your little family here, and feed them well, as they are all you'll have + to keep you company till you see me again.' + </p> + <p> + “His mother then stuffed his pockets with bread, till they stuck out + behind him, and gave him a crooked six-pence for luck; after which, he got + his staff, and was just ready to tramp, when, sure enough, he spies his + ould friend the dog, with the green ribbon about his neck, and the + Wellington boots upon his hind legs. He didn't go in, but waited on the + outside till Jack came out. They then set off, but no one knows how far + they travelled, till they reached the dark gintleman's castle, who + appeared very glad to see Jack, and gave him a hearty welcome. + </p> + <p> + “The next day, in consequence of his long journey, he was ax'd to do + nothing; but in the coorse of the evening, the dark chap brought him into + a long, frightful room, where there were three hundred and sixty-five + hooks sticking out of the wall, and on every hook but one a man's head. + When Jack saw this agreeable sight, his dinner began to quake within him; + but he felt himself still worse, when his master pointed to the empty + hook, saying, 'Now, Jack, your business to-morrow is to clane out a stable + that wasn't claned for the last seven years, and if you don't have it + finished before dusk—do you see that hook?' + </p> + <p> + “'Ye—yes,' replied Jack, hardly able to spake. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, if you don't have it finished before dusk, your head will be + hanging on that hook as soon as the sun sets.' + </p> + <p> + “'Very well, your honor,' replied Jack; scarcely knowing what he said, or + he wouldn't have said 'very well' to such a bloody-minded intention, any + how—-'Very well,' says he, 'I'll do my best, and all the world knows + that the best can do no more.' + </p> + <p> + “Whilst this discoorse was passing betune them, Jack happened to look at + the upper end of the room, and there he saw one of the beautifullest faces + that ever was seen on a woman, looking at him through a little panel that + was in the wall. She had a white, snowy forehead—such eyes, and + cheeks, and teeth, that there's no coming up to them; and the clusters of + dark hair that hung about her beautiful temples!—by the laws, I'm + afeard of falling in love with her myself, so I'll say no more about her, + only that she would charm the heart of a wheel-barrow. At any rate, in + spite of all the ould fellow could say—heads and hooks, and all, + Jack couldn't help throwing an eye, now and then, to the panel; and to + tell the truth, if he had been born to riches and honor, it would be hard + to fellow him, for a good face and a good figure. + </p> + <p> + “'Now, Jack,' says his master, 'go and eat your supper, and I hope you'll + be able to perform your task—if not, off goes your head.' + </p> + <p> + “'Very well, your honor,' says Jack, again scratching it in the hoith of + perplexity, 'I must only do what I can.' + </p> + <p> + “The next morning Jack was up with the sun, if not before him, and hard at + his task; but before breakfast time he lost all heart, and little wonder + he should, poor fellow, bekase for every one shovelful he'd throw out, + there would come three more in: so that instead of making his task less, + according as he got on, it became greater. He was now in the greatest + dilemmy, and didn't know how to manage, so he was driven at last to such + an amplush, that he had no other shift for employment, only to sing <i>Paddeen + O'Rafferty</i> out of mere vexation, and dance the hornpipe trebling step + to it, cracking his fingers, half mad, through the stable. Just in the + middle of this tantrum, who comes to the door to call him to his + breakfast, but the beautiful crathur he saw the evening before peeping at + him through the panel. At this minute, Jack had so hated himself by the + dancing, that his handsome face was in a fine glow, entirely. + </p> + <p> + “'I think,' said, she to Jack, with one of her own sweet smiles, 'that + this is an odd way of performing your task.' + </p> + <p> + “'Och, thin, 'tis you that may say that,' replies Jack; 'but it's myself + that's willing to have my head hung up any day, just for one sight of you, + you darling.' + </p> + <p> + “'Where did you come from?' asked the lady, with another smile that bate + the first all to nothing. + </p> + <p> + “'Where did I come from, is it?' answered Jack; 'why, death-alive! did you + never hear of ould Ireland, my jewel!—hem—I mane, plase your + ladyship's honor.' + </p> + <p> + “'No,' she answered; 'where is that country?' + </p> + <p> + “'Och, by the honor of an Irishman,' says Jack, 'that takes the shine!—not + heard of Erin—the Imerald Isle—the Jim of the ocean, where all + the men are brave and honorable, and all the women—hem—I mane + the ladies—chaste and beautiful?' + </p> + <p> + “'No,' said she; 'not a word: but if I stay longer I may get you blame—come + in to your breakfast, and I'm sorry to find that you have done so little + at your task. Your roaster's a man that always acts up to what he + threatens: and, if you have not this stable cleared out before dusk, your + head will be taken of your shoulders this night.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, thin,' says Jack, 'my beautiful darl—plase your honor's + ladyship—if he Dangs it up, will you do me the favor, <i>acushla + machree</i>, to turn my head toardst that same panel where I saw a sartin + fair face that I won't mintion: and if you do, let me alone for watching a + sartin purty face I'm acquainted with.' + </p> + <p> + “'What means <i>cushla machree?</i> inquired the lady, as she turned to go + away. + </p> + <p> + “'It manes that you're the pulse of my heart, avourneen, plase your + ladyship's Reverence,' says Jack. + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' said the lovely crathur, 'any time you speak to me in future, I + would rather you would omit terms of honor, and just call me after the + manner of your own country; instead, for instance, of calling me your + ladyship, I would be better pleased if you called me cushla—something—' + 'Cushla machree, ma vourneen—the pulse of my heart—my + darling,' said Jack, consthering it (the thief) for her, for fraid she + wouldn't know it well enough. + </p> + <p> + “'Yes,' she replied, 'cushla machree; well, as I can pronounce it, acushla + machree, will you come in to your breakfast?' said the darling, giving + Jack a smile that would be enough, any day, to do up the heart of an + Irishman. Jack, accordingly, went after her, thinking of nothing except + herself; but on going in he could see no sign of her, so he-sat down to + his breakfast, though a single ounce, barring a couple of pounds of beef, + the poor fellow couldn't ate, at that bout, for' thinking of her. + </p> + <p> + “Well, he went again to his work, and thought he'd have better luck; but + it was still the ould game—three shovelfuls would come in for ev'ry + one he'd throw out; and now he began, in earnest, to feel something about + his heart that he didn't like, bekase he couldn't, for the life of him, + help thinking of the three hundred and sixty-four heads, and the empty + hook. At last he gave up the work entirely, and took it into his head to + make himself scarce from about the old fellow's castle, altogether; and + without more to do, he set off, never saying as much as 'good-bye' to his + master: but he hadn't got as far as the lower end of the yard, when his + ould friend, the dog, steps out of a kennel, and meets him full but in the + teeth. + </p> + <p> + “'So, Jack,' says he, 'you're going to give us leg bail, I see; but walk + back with yourself, you spalpeen, this minute, and join your work, or if + you don't,' says he, 'it'll be worse for your health. I'm not so much your + enemy now as I was, bekase you have a friend in coort that you know + nothing about; so just do whatever you are bid, and keep never minding.' + </p> + <p> + “Jack went back with a heavy heart, as you may be sure, knowing that, + whenever the black cur began to blarney him, there was no good to come in + his way. He accordingly went into the stable, but consuming to the hand's + turn he did, knowing it would be only useless; for, instead of clearing it + out, he'd be only filling it. + </p> + <p> + “It was near dinner-time, and Jack was very sad and sorrowful, as how + could he be otherwise, poor fellow, with such a bloody-minded ould chap to + dale with? when up comes the darling of the world again, to call him to + his dinner. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, Jack,' says she, with her white arms so beautiful, and her dark + clusters tossed about by the motion of her walk—how are you coming + on at your task?' 'How am I coming on, is it? Och, thin,' says Jack, + giving a good-humored smile through the frown that was on his face, 'plase + your lady—a cushla machree—it's all over with me; for I've + still the same story to tell, and off goes my head, as sure as it's on my + shoulders, this blessed night.' + </p> + <p> + “'That would be a pity, Jack,' says she, 'for there are worse heads on + worse shoulders; but will you give me the shovel?' 'Will I give you the + shovel, is it?—Och thin, wouldn't I be a right big baste to do the + likes of that, any how?' says Jack; 'what! avourneen dheelish! to stand up + with myself, and let this hard shovel into them beautiful, soft, white + hands of your own! Faix, my jewel, if you knew but all, my mother's son's + not the man to do such a disgraceful turn, as to let a lady like you take + the shovel out of his hand, and he standing with his mouth under his nose, + looking at you—not myself auourneen! we have no such ungenteel + manners as that in our country.' 'Take my advice, Jack,' says she, pleased + in her heart at what Jack said, for all she didn't purtend it—'give + me the shovel, and depend upon it, I'll do more in a short time to clear + the stable than you would for years.' 'Why, thin, avour-neen, it goes to + my heart to refuse you; but, for all that, may I never see yesterday, if a + taste of it will go into your purty, white fingers,' says the thief, + praising her to her face all the time—'my head may go off, any day, + and welcome, but death before dishonor. Say no more, darling; but tell + your father I'll be to my dinner immediately.' + </p> + <p> + “Notwithstanding all this, by jingo, the lady would not be put off; like a + raal woman, she'd have her own way; so on telling Jack that she didn't + intend to work with the shovel, at all, at all, but only to take it for a + minute in her hand, at long last he gave it to her; she then struck it + three times on the threshel of the door, and, giving it back into his + hand, tould him to try what he could do. Well, sure enough, now there was + a change; for, instead of three shovelfuls coming in, as before, when he + threw one out, there went nine more along with it. Jack, in coorse, + couldn't do less than thank the lovely crathur for her assistance; but + when he raised his head to speak to her, she was gone. I needn't say, + howsomever, that he went in to his dinner with a light heart and a + murdhering appetite; and when the ould fellow axed him how he was coming + on, Jack tould him he was doing gloriously. 'Remember the empty hook, + Jack,' said he. 'Never fear, your honor,' answered Jack, 'if I don't + finish my task, you may bob my head off anytime.' + </p> + <p> + “Jack now went out, and was a short time getting through his job, for + before the sun set it was finished, and he came into the kitchen, ate his + supper, and, sitting down before the fire, sung 'Love among the Roses,' + and the 'Black Joke,' to vex the ould fellow. + </p> + <p> + “This was one task over, and his head was safe for that bout; but that + night, before he went to bed, his master called him upstairs, brought him + into the bloody room, and gave him his orders for the next day. 'Jack,' + says he, 'I have a wild filly that has never been caught, and you must go + to my demesne to-morrow, and catch her, or if you don't—look there,' + says the big blackguard, 'on that hook it hangs, before to-morrow, if you + havn't her at sunset in the stable that you claned yesterday.' 'Very well, + your honor,' said Jack, carelessly, 'I'll do every thing in my power, and + if I fail, I can't help it.' + </p> + <p> + “The next morning, Jack was out with a bridle in his hand, going to catch + the filly. As soon as he got into the domain, sure enough, there she was + in the middle of a green field, grazing quite at her ase. When Jack saw + this he went over towards her, houlding out his hat as if it was full of + oats; but he kept the hand that had the bridle in it behind his back, for + fraid she'd see it and make off. Well, my dear, on he went till he was + almost within grip of her, cock-sure that he had nothing more to do than + slip the bridle over her neck and secure her; but he made a bit of a + mistake in his reckoning, for though she smelt and snoaked about him, just + as if she didn't care a feed of oats whether he caught her or not, yet + when he boulted over to hould her fast, she was off like a shot with her + tail cocked, to the far end of the demesne, and Jack had to set off hot + foot after here. All, however, was to no purpose; he couldn't come next or + near her for the rest of the day, and there she kept coorsing him about + from one field to another, till he hadn't a blast of breath in his body. + </p> + <p> + “In this state was Jack when the beautiful crathur came out to call him + home to his breakfast, walking with the pretty small feet and light steps + of her own upon the green fields, so bright and beautiful, scarcely + bending the flowers and the grass as she went along, the darling. + </p> + <p> + “'Jack,' says she, 'I fear you have as difficult a task to-day as you had + yesterday.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, and it's you that may say that with your own purty mouth,' says + Jack, says he; for out of breath and all as he was, he couldn't help + giving her a bit of blarney, the rogue. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, Jack,' says she, 'take my advice, and don't tire yourself any + longer by attempting to catch her; truth's, best—I tell you, you + could never do it; come home to your breakfast, and when you return again, + 'just amuse yourself as well as you can until dinner-time.' + </p> + <p> + “'Och, och!' says Jack, striving to look, the sly thief, as if she had + promised to help him—'I only wish I was a king, and, by the powers, + I know who would be my queen, any how; for it's your own sweet lady—savourneen + dheelish—I say, amn't I bound to you for a year and a day longer, + for promising to give me a lift, as well as for what you done yesterday?' + </p> + <p> + “'Take care, Jack,' says she, smiling, however, at his ingenuity in + striving to trap her into a promise, 'I don't think I made any promise of + assistance.' + </p> + <p> + “'You didn't,' says Jack, wiping his face with the skirt of his coat, + ''cause why?—you see pocket-handkerchiefs weren't invented in them + times: 'why, thin, may I never live to see yesterday, if there's not as + much rale beauty in that smile that's diverting itself about them + sweet-breathing lips of yours, and in them two eyes of light that's + breaking both their hearts laughing at me, this minute, as would encourage + any poor fellow to expect a good turn from you—that is, whin you + could do it, without hurting or harming yourself; for it's he would be the + right rascal that could take it, if it would injure a silken hair of your + head.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' said the lady, with a mighty roguish smile, 'I shall call you + home to your dinner, at all events.' + </p> + <p> + “When Jack went back from his breakfast, he didn't slave himself after the + filly toy more, but walked about to view the demesne, and the avenues, and + the green walks, and nice temples, and fish-ponds, and rookeries, and + everything, in short, that was worth seeing. Towards dinner-time, howiver, + he began to have an eye to the way the sweet crathur was to come, and sure + enough she that wasn't one minute late. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, Jack,' says she, 'I'll keep you no longer in doubt:' for the + tender-hearted crathur saw that Jack, although he didn't wish to let an to + her, was fretting every now and then about the odd hook and the bloody + room—'So, Jack,' says she, 'although I didn't promise, yet I'll + perform;' and with that she pulled a small ivory whistle out of her + pocket, and gave three blasts on it that brought the wild filly up to her + very hand, as quick as the wind. She then took the bridle, and threw it + over the baste's neck, giving her up, at the same time, to Jack; 'You + needn't fear now, Jack,' says she, 'you'll find her as quiet as a lamb, + and as tame as you wish; as proof of it, just walk before her, and you + will see she will follow you to any part of the field.' + </p> + <p> + “Jack, you maybe sure, paid her as many and as sweet compliments as he + could, and never heed one from his country for being able to say something + toothsome to the ladies. At any rate, if he laid it on thick the day + before, he gave two or three additional coats this time, and the innocent + soul went away smiling, as usual. + </p> + <p> + “When Jack brought the filly home, the dark fellow, his master, if dark + before, was a perfect thunder-cloud this night: bedad, he was nothing less + than near bursting with vexation, bekaise the thieving ould sinner + intended to have Jack's head upon the hook, but he fell short in his + reckoning now as well as before. Jack sung 'Love among the Roses,' and the + 'Black Joke,' to help him into better timper. + </p> + <p> + “'Jack,' says he, striving to make himself speak pleasant to him, 'you've + got two difficult tasks over you; but you know the third time's the charm—take + care of the next.' + </p> + <p> + “'No matter about that,' says Jack, speaking up to him stiff and stout, + bekase, as the dog tould him, he knew he had a friend in coort—'let's + hear what it is, any how.' + </p> + <p> + “'To-morrow, then,' says the other, 'you're to rob a crane's nest, on the + top of a beech-tree which grows in the middle of a little island in the + lake that you saw yesterday in my demesne; you're to have neither boat, + nor oar, nor any kind of conveyance, but just as you stand; and if you + fail to bring me the eggs, or if you break one of them,—look here!' + says he, again pointing to the odd hook, for all this discoorse took place + in the bloody room. + </p> + <p> + “'Good again,' says Jack; 'if I fail I know my doom.' + </p> + <p> + “'No, you don't, you spalpeen,' says the other, getting vexed with him + entirely, 'for I'll roast you till you're half dead, and ate my dinner off + you after; and, what is more than that, you blackguard, you must sing the + 'Black Joke' all the time for my amusement.' + </p> + <p> + “'Div'l fly away with you,' thought Jack, 'but you're fond of music, you + vagabone.' + </p> + <p> + “The next morning Jack was going round and round the lake, trying about + the edge of it, if he could find any place shallow enough to wade in; but + he might as well go to wade the say, and what was worst of all, if he + attempted to swim, it would be like a tailor's goose, straight to the + bottom; so he kept himself safe on dry land, still expecting a visit from + the 'lovely crathur,' but, bedad, his good luck failed him for wanst, for + instead of seeing her coming over to him, so mild and sweet, who does he + obsarve steering at a dog's trot, but his ould friend the smoking cur. + 'Confusion to that cur,' says Jack to himself, 'I know now there's some + bad fortune before me, or he wouldn't be coming acrass me.' + </p> + <p> + “'Come home to your breakfast, Jack,' says the dog, walking up to him, + 'it's breakfast time.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ay,' says Jack, scratching his head, 'it's no matter whether I do or + not, for I bleeve my head's hardly worth a flat-dutch cabbage at the + present speaking.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, man, it was never worth so much,' says the baste, pulling out his + pipe and putting it in his mouth, when it lit at once. + </p> + <p> + “'Take care of yourself,' says Jack, quite desperate,—for he thought + he was near the end of his tether,—'take care of yourself, you dirty + cur, or maybe I might take a gintleman's toe from your tail.' + </p> + <p> + “'You had better keep a straight tongue in your head,' says four-legs, + 'while it's on your shoulders, or I'll break every bone in your skin—Jack, + you're a fool,' says he, checking himself, and speaking kindly to him—'you're + a fool; didn't I tell you the other day to do what you were bid, and keep + never minding?' + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' thought Jack to himself, 'there's no use in making him any more + my enemy than he is—particularly as I'm in such a hobble.' + </p> + <p> + “'You lie,' says the dog, as if Jack had spoken out to him, wherein he + only thought the words to himself, 'you lie,' says he, 'I'm not, nor never + was, your enemy, if you knew but all.' + </p> + <p> + “'I beg your honor's pardon,' answers Jack, 'for being so smart with your + honor, but, bedad, if you were in my case,—if you expected your + master to roast you alive,—eat his dinner of your body,—make + you sing the 'Black Joke,' by way of music for him; and, to crown all, + know that your head was to be stuck upon a hook after—maybe you + would be a little short, in your temper, as well as your neighbors.' + </p> + <p> + “'Take heart, Jack,' says the other, laying his fore claw as knowingly as + ever along his nose, and winking slyly at Jack, didn't I tell you that you + had a friend in coort—the day's not past yet, so cheer up, who knows + but there is luck before you still?' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, thin,' says Jack, getting a little cheerful, and wishing to crack a + joke with him, 'but your honor's very fond of the pipe!' 'Oh! don't you + know, Jack,' says he, 'that that's the fashion at present among my tribe; + sure all my brother puppies smoke now, and a man might as well be out of + the world as out of the fashion, you know.' + </p> + <p> + “When they drew near home, they got quite thick entirely; 'Now,' says + Jack, in a good-humored way, 'if you can give me a lift in robbing this + crane's nest, do; at any rate, I'm sure your honor won't be my enemy. I + know you have too much good nature in your face to be one that wouldn't + help a lame dog over a style—that is,' says he, taking himself up + for fear of offending the other,—'I'm sure you'd be always inclined + to help the weak side.' + </p> + <p> + “'Thank you for the compliment,' says, the dog; 'but didn't I tell you + that you have a friend in coort?' + </p> + <p> + “When Jack went back to the lake, he-could only sit and look sorrowfully + at the tree, or walls; about the edge of it, without being able to do + anything else. He spent the whole day this way, till dinner-time, when + what would you have of it, but he sees the darlin' coming out to him, as + fair and as blooming as an angel. His heart, you may be sure, got up to + his mouth, for he knew she would be apt to take him out of his + difficulties. When she came up— + </p> + <p> + “'Now, Jack,' says she, 'there is not a minute to be lost, for I'm + watch'd; and if it's discovered that I gave you any assistance, we will + both be destroyed.' + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, murder sheery!' (* Murder everlasting) says Jack, 'fly back, + avourneen machree—for rather than anything should happen you, I'd + lose fifty-lives.' + </p> + <p> + “'No,' says she, 'I think I'll be able to-get you over this, as well as + the rest; so have a good heart, and be faithful' 'That's it,' replied + Jack, 'that's it, acushla—my own <i>correcthur</i> to a shaving; + I've a heart worth its weight in bank notes, and a more faithful boy isn't + alive this day nor I'm to yez all, ye darlings of the world.' + </p> + <p> + “She then pulled a small white wand out of her pocket, struck the lake, + and there was the prettiest green ridge across it to the foot of the tree + that ever eye beheld. 'Now,' says she, turning her back to Jack, and + stooping down to do something that he couldn't see, 'Take these,' giving + him her ten toes, 'put them against the tree, and you will have steps to + carry you to the top, but be sure, for your life and mine, not to forget + any of them. If you do, my life will be taken tomorrow morning, for your + master puts on my slippers with his own hands.' + </p> + <p> + “Jack was now going to swear that he would give up the whole thing and + surrender his head at once; but when life looked at her feet, and saw no + appearance of blood, he went over without more to do, and robbed the nest, + taking down the eggs one by one, that he mightn't brake them. There was no + end to his joy, as he secured the last egg; he instantly took down the + toes, one after another, save and except the little one of the left foot, + which in his joy and hurry he forgot entirely. He then returned by the + green ridge to the shore, and accordingly as he went along, it melted away + into water behind him. + </p> + <p> + “'Jack,' says the charmer, 'I hope you forgot none of my toes.' + </p> + <p> + “'Is it me?' says Jack, quite sure that he had them all—'arrah, + catch any one from my country making a blunder of that kind.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' says she, 'let us see; so, taking the toes, she placed them on + again, just as if they had never been off. But, lo and behold! on coming + to the last of the left foot, it wasn't forthcoming. 'Oh! Jack, Jack,' + says she, 'you have destroyed me; to-morrow morning your master will + notice the want of this toe, and that instant I'll be put to death.' + </p> + <p> + “'Lave that to me,' says Jack; 'by the powers, you won't lose a drop of + your darling blood for it. Have you got a pen-knife about you? and I'll + soon show you how you won't.' + </p> + <p> + “'What do you want with the knife?' she inquired. + </p> + <p> + “'What do I want with it?—Why to give you the best toe on both my + feet, for the one I lost on you; do you think I'd suffer you to want a + toe, and I having ten thumping ones at your sarvice?—I'm not the + man, you beauty you, for such a shabby trick as that comes to.' + </p> + <p> + “'But you forget,' says the lady, who was a little cooler than Jack, 'that + none of yours would fit me.' + </p> + <p> + “'And must you die to-morrow, <i>acushla?</i>' asked Jack, in desperation. + </p> + <p> + “'As sure as the sun rises,' answered the lady 'for Your master would know + at once that it was by my toes the nest was robbed.' + </p> + <p> + “'By the powers,' observed Jack, 'he's one of the greatest ould vag—I + mane, isn't he a terrible man, out and out, for a father?' + </p> + <p> + “'Father!' says the darling,—'he's not my father, Jack, he only + wishes to marry me and if I'm not able to outdo him before three days + more, it's decreed that he must. + </p> + <p> + “When Jack heard this, surely the Irishman must come out; there he stood, + and began to wipe his eyes with the skirt of his coat, making out as if he + was crying, the thief of the world. 'What's the matter with you?' she + asked. + </p> + <p> + “'All!' says Jack, 'you darling, I couldn't find it in my heart to desave + you; for I have no way at home to keep a lady like you, in proper style, + at all at all; I would only bring I you into poverty, and since you wish + to know what ails me, I'm vexed that I'm not rich for your sake; and next, + that that thieving ould villain's to have you; and, by the powers, I'm + crying for both these misfortunes together.' + </p> + <p> + “The lady could not help being touched and plaised with Jack's tinderness + and ginerosity; so, says she, 'Don't be cast down, Jack, come or go what + will, I won't marry him—I'd die first. Do you go home as usual; but + take care and don't sleep at all this night. Saddle the wild filly—meet + me under the whitethorn bush at the end of the lawn, and we'll both leave + him for ever. If you're willin' to marry me, don't let poverty distress + you, for I have more money than we'll know what to do with.' + </p> + <p> + “Jack's voice now began to tremble in airnest, with downright love and + tinderness, as good right it had; so he promised to do everything just as + she bid him, and then went home with a dacint appetite enough to his + supper. + </p> + <p> + “You may be sure the ould fellow looked darker and grimmer than ever at + Jack: but what could he do? Jack had done his duty? so he sat before the + fire, and sung 'Love among the Roses,' and the 'Black Joke,' with a + stouter and a lighter heart than ever, while the black chap, could have + seen him skivered. + </p> + <p> + “When midnight came, Jack, who kept a hawk's eye to the night, was at the + hawthorn with the wild filly, saddled and all—more betoken, she + wasn't a bit wild then, but as tame as a dog. Off they set, like + Erin-go-bragh, Jack and the lady, and never pulled bridle till it was one + o'clock next day, when they stopped at an inn, and had some refreshment. + They then took to the road again, full speed; however, they hadn't gone + far, when they heard a great noise behind them, and the tramp of horses + galloping like mad. 'Jack,' says the darling, on hearing the hubbub, 'look + behind you, and see what's this.' + </p> + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> + <!-- IMG --></a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img src="images/page676.jpg" + alt="Age 676-- Throw It over Your Left Shoulder " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + “'Och! by the elevens,' says Jack, 'we're done at last; it's the dark + fellow, and half the country after us.' 'Put your hand,' says she, 'in the + filly's right ear, and tell me what you find in it.' 'Nothing at all,' + says Jack, 'but a weeshy bit of a dry stick.' 'Throw it over your left + shoulder says she, 'and see what will happen.' Jack did so at once, and + there was a great grove of thick trees growing so close to one another, + that a dandy could scarcely get his arm betwixt them. 'Now,' said she, 'we + are safe for another day.' 'Well,' said Jack, as he pushed on the filly, + 'you're the jewel of the world, sure enough; and maybe it's you that won't + live happy when we get to the Jim of the Ocean.' + </p> + <p> + “As soon as dark-face saw what happened, he was obliged to scour the + country for hatchets and hand-saws, and all kinds of sharp instruments, to + hew himself and his men a passage through the grove. As the saying goes, + many hands make light work, and sure enough, it wasn't long till they had + cleared a way for themselves, thick as it was, and set off with double + speed after Jack and the lady. + </p> + <p> + “The next day, about' one o'clock, he and she were after taking another + small refreshment of roast-beef and porther, and pushing on, as before, + when they heard the same tramping behind them, only it was ten times + louder. + </p> + <p> + “'Here they are again,' says Jack; 'and I'm afeard they'll come up with us + at last.' + </p> + <p> + “'If they do,' says she, 'they'll put us to death on the spot; but we must + try somehow to stop them another day, if we can; search the filly's right + ear again, and let me know what you find in it.' + </p> + <p> + “Jack pulled out a little three-cornered pebble, telling her that it was + all he got; 'well,' says she, 'throw it over your left shoulder like the + stick.' + </p> + <p> + “No sooner said than done; and there was a great chain of high, sharp + rocks in the way of divel-face and all his clan. 'Now,' says she, 'we have + gained another day.' 'Tundher-and-turf!' says Jack, 'what's this for, at + all, at all?—but wait till I get you in the Immerald Isle, for this, + and if you don't enjoy happy days any how, why I'm not sitting before you + on this horse, by the same token that it's not a horse at all, but a filly + though; if you don't get the hoith of good aiting and drinking—lashings + of the best wine and whisky that the land can afford, my name's not Jack. + We'll build a castle, and you'll have upstairs and downstairs—a + coach and six to ride in—lots of sarvints to attend on you, and full + and plinty of everything; not to mintion—hem!—not to mintion + that you'll have a husband that the fairest lady in the land might be + proud of,' says he, stretching himself up in the saddle, and giving the + filly a jag of the spurs, to show off a bit; although the coaxing rogue + knew that the money which was to do all this was her own. At any rate, + they spent the remainder of this day pleasantly enough, still moving on, + though, as fast as they could. Jack, every now and then, would throw an + eye behind, as if to watch their pursuers, wherein, if the truth was + known, it was to get a peep at the beautiful glowing face and warm lips + that were breathing all kinds of <i>fragrancies</i> about him. I'll + warrant he didn't envy the king upon his throne, when he felt the + honeysuckle of her breath, like the smell of Father Ned's orchard there, + of a May morning. + </p> + <p> + “When Fardorougha (* the dark man) found the great chain of rocks before + him, you may set it down that he was likely to blow up with vexation; but, + for all that, the first thing he blew up was the rocks—and that he + might lose little or no time in doing it, he collected all the gunpowder + and crowbars, spades and pickaxes, that could be found for miles about + him, and set to it, working as if it was with inch of candle. For half a + day there was nothing but boring and splitting, and driving of iron + wedges, and blowing up pieces of rocks as big as little houses, until, by + hard, labor, they made a passage for themselves sufficient to carry them + over. They then set off again, full speed; and great advantage they had + over the poor filly that Jack and the lady rode on, for their horses were + well rested, and hadn't to carry double, like Jack's. The next day they + spied Jack and his beautiful companion, just about a quarter of a mile + before them. + </p> + <p> + “'Now,' says dark-brow, 'I'll make any man's fortune forever that will + bring me them two, either living or dead, but, if possible, alive: so, + spur on, for whoever secures them, man, woman, or child, is a made man, + but, above all, make no noise.' + </p> + <p> + “It was now divil take the hindmost among the bloody pack—every spur + was red with blood, and every horse smoking. Jack and the lady were + jogging on acrass a green field, not suspecting that the rest were so near + them, and talking over the pleasant days they would spind together in + Ireland, when they hears the hue-and-cry once more at their very heels. + </p> + <p> + “'Quick as lightning, Jack,' says she, 'or we're lost—the right ear + and the left shoulder, like thought—they're not three lengths of the + filly from us!' + </p> + <p> + “But Jack knew his business; for just as a long, grim-looking villain, + with a great rusty rapier in his hand, was within a single leap of them, + and quite sure of either killing or making prisoners of them both, Jack + flings a little drop of green water that he got in the filly's ear over + his left shoulder, and in an instant there was a deep, dark gulf, filled + with black, pitchy-looking water between them. The lady now desired Jack + to pull up the filly a bit, that they might see what would become of the + dark fellow; but just as they turned round, the ould nagur set 'spurs to + his horse, and, in a fit of desperation, plunged himself, horse and all, + into the gulf, and was never seen or heard of more. The rest that were + with him went home, and began to quarrel about his wealth, and kept + murdering and killing one another, until a single vagabond of them wasn't + left alive to enjoy it. + </p> + <p> + “When Jack saw what happened, and that the blood-thirsty ould villain got + what he desarved so richly, he was as happy as a prince, and ten times + happier than most of them as the world goes, and she was every bit as + delighted. 'We have nothing more to fear,' said the darling that put them + all down so cleverly, seeing that she was but a woman; but, bedad, it's + she was the right sort of a woman—'all our dangers are now over, at + least, all yours are; regarding myself,' says she, 'there's a trial before + me yet, and that trial, Jack, depends upon your faithfulness and + constancy.' + </p> + <p> + “'On me, is it?—Och, then, murder! isn't it a poor case entirely, + that I have no way of showing you that you may depind your life upon me, + only by telling you so?' + </p> + <p> + “'I do depend upon you,' says she—'and now, as you love me, do not, + when the trial comes, forget her that saved you out of so many troubles, + and made you such a great and wealthy man.' + </p> + <p> + “The foregoing part of this Jack could well understand, but the last part + of it, making collusion to the wealth, was a little dark, as he thought, + bekase, he hadn't fingered any of it at the time: still, he knew she was + truth to the back-bone, and wouldn't desave him. They hadn't travelled + much farther, When Jack snaps his fingers with a 'Whoo! by the powers, + there it is, my darling—there it is, at long last!' + </p> + <p> + “'There is what, Jack?' said she, surprised, as well she might, at his + mirth and happiness—'There is what?' says she. 'Cheer up!' says + Jack; 'there it is, my darling,—the Shannon!—as soon as we get + to the other side of it, we'll be in ould Ireland once more.' + </p> + <p> + “There was no end to Jack's good humor, when he crossed the Shannon; and + she was not a bit displeased to see him so happy. They had now no enemies + to fear, were in a civilized country, and among green fields and well-bred + people. In this way they travelled at their ase, till they came within a + few miles of the town of Knockimdowny, near which Jack's mother lived. + </p> + <p> + “'Now, Jack,' says she, 'I told you that I would make you rich. You know + the rock beside your mother's cabin; in the east end of that rock there is + a loose stone, covered over with gray moss, just two feet below the cleft + out of which the hanging rowan-tree grows—pull that stone out, and + you will find more goold than would make a duke. Neither speak to any + person, nor let any living thing touch your lips till you come back to me, + or you'll forget that you ever saw me, and I'll lie left poor and + friendless in a strange, country.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, thin, <i>manim asthee hu</i>,' (* My soul's within you.) says Jack, + 'but the best way to guard against that, is to touch your own sweet lips + at the present time,' says he, giving her a smack that you'd hear, of a + calm evening, acrass a couple of fields. Jack set off to touch the money, + with such speed that when he fell he scarcely waited to rise again; he was + soon at the rock, any how, and without either doubt or disparagement, + there was a cleft of real goolden guineas, as fresh as daisies. The first + thing he did, after he had filled his pockets with them, was to look if + his mother's cabin was to the fore; and there surely it was, as snug as + ever, with the same dacent column of smoke rowling from the chimbley. + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' thought he, 'I'll just stale over to the door-cheek, and peep in + to get one sight of my poor mother; then I'll throw her in a handful of + these guineas, and take to my scrapers.' + </p> + <p> + “Accordingly, he stole up at a half bend to the door, and was just going + to take a peep in, when out comes the little dog Trig, and begins to leap + and fawn upon him, as if it would eat him. The mother, too, came running + out to see what was the matter, when the dog made another spring up about + Jack's neck, and gave his lips the slightest lick in the world with its + tongue, the crathur was so glad to see him: the next minute, Jack forgot + the lady, as clane as if he had never seen her; but if he forgot her, + catch him at forgetting the money—not he, avick!—that stuck to + him like pitch. + </p> + <p> + “When the mother saw who it was, she flew to him, and, clasping her arms + about his neck, hugged him till she wasn't worth three halfpence. After + Jack sot a while, he made a trial to let her know what had happened him, + but he disremembered it all, except having the money in the rock, so he up + and tould her that, and a glad woman she was to hear of his good fortune. + Still he kept the place where the goold was to himself, having been often + forbid by her ever to trust a woman with a sacret when he could avoid it. + </p> + <p> + “Now everybody knows what changes the money makes, and Jack was no + exception to this ould saying. In a few years he built himself a fine + castle, with three hundred and sixty-four windies in it, and he would have + added another, to make one for every day in the year, only that would be + equal to the number in the King's palace, and the Lord of the Black Rod + would be sent to take his head off, it being high thrason for a subject to + have as many windies in his house as the king. (* Such is the popular + opinion.) However, Jack, at any rate, had enough of them; and he that + couldn't be happy with three hundred and sixty-four, wouldn't desarve to + have three hundred and sixty-five. Along with all this, he bought coaches + and carriages, and didn't get proud like many another beggarly upstart, + but took especial good care of his mother, whom he dressed in silks and + satins, and gave her nice nourishing food, that was fit for an ould woman + in her condition. He also got great tachers, men of great larning, from + Dublin, acquainted with all subjects; and as his own abilities were + bright, he soon became a very great scholar, entirely, and was able, in + the long run, to outdo all his tutherers. + </p> + <p> + “In this way he lived for some years—was now a man of great larning + himself—could spake the seven <i>langidges</i>, and it would delight + your ears to hear how high-flown and Englified he could talk. All the + world wondered where he got his wealth; but as he was kind and charitable + to every one that stood in need of assistance, the people said that + wherever he got it it couldn't be in better hands. At last he began to + look about him for a wife, and the only one in that part of the country + that would be at all fit for him, was the Honorable Miss Bandbox, the + daughter of a nobleman in the neighborhood. She indeed flogged all the + world for beauty; but it was said that she was proud and fond of wealth, + though, God he knows, she had enough of that any how. Jack, however, saw + none of this; for she was cunning enough to smile, and simper, and look + pleasant, whenever he'd come to her father's. Well, begad, from one thing, + and one word, to another, Jack thought it was best to make up to her at + wanst, and try if she'd accept of him for a husband; accordingly he put + the word to her like a man, and she, making as if she was blushing, put + her fan before her face and made no answer. Jack, however, wasn't to be + daunted; for he knew two things worth knowing, when a man goes to look for + a wife: the first is—that 'faint heart never won fair lady,' and the + second—that 'silence gives consint;' he, therefore, spoke up to her + in fine English, for it's he that knew how to speak now, and after a + little more fanning and blushing, by jingo, she consinted. Jack then broke + the matter to her father, who was as fond of money as the daughter, and + only wanted to grab at him for the wealth. + </p> + <p> + “When the match was a making, says ould Bandbox to Jack, 'Mr. Magennis,' + says he, (for nobody called him Jack now but his mother)—'these two + things you must comply with, if you marry my daughter, Miss Gripsy:—you + must send away your mother from about you, and pull down the cabin in + which you and she used to live; Gripsy says that they would jog her memory + consarning your low birth and former poverty; she's nervous and + high-spirited, Mr. Magennis, and declares upon her honor that she couldn't + bear the thoughts of having the delicacy of her feeling offinded by these + things.' + </p> + <p> + “'Good morning to you both,' says Jack, like an honest fellow as he was, + 'if she doesn't marry me except on these conditions, give her my + compliments, and tell her our courtship is at an end.' + </p> + <p> + “But it wasn't long till they soon came out with another story, for before + a week passed they were very glad to get him on his own conditions. Jack + was now as happy as the day was long—all things appointed for the + wedding, and nothing a wanting to make everything to his heart's content + but the wife, and her he was to have in less than no time. For a day or + two before the wedding, there never was seen such grand preparations: + bullocks, and hogs, and sheep were roasted whole—kegs of whiskey, + both Roscrea and Innishowen, barrels of ale and beer were there in dozens. + All descriptions of niceties and wild-fowl, and fish from the <i>say</i>; + and the dearest wine that could be bought with money, was got for the + gentry and grand folks. Fiddlers, and pipers, and harpers, in short all + kinds of music and musicianers, played in shoals. Lords and ladies, and + squares of high degree were present—and, to crown the thing, there + was open house to all comers. + </p> + <p> + “At length the wedding-day arrived; there was nothing but roasting and + boiling; servants dressed in rich liveries ran about with joy and delight + in their countenances, and white gloves and wedding favors on their hats + and hands. To make a long story short, they were all seated in Jack's + castle at the wedding breakfast, ready for the priest to marry them when + they'd be done; for in them times people were never married until they had + laid in a good foundation to carry them through the ceremony. Well, they + were all seated round the table, the men dressed in the best of + broadcloth, and the ladies rustling in their silks and satins—their + heads, necks, and arms hung round with jewels both rich and rare; but of + all that were there that day, there wasn't the likes of the bride and + bridegroom. As for him, nobody could think, at all at all, that he was + ever any thing else than a born gintleman; and what was more to his + credit, he had his kind ould mother sitting beside the bride, to tache her + that an honest person, though poorly born, is company for the king. As + soon as the breakfast was served up, they all set to, and maybe the + various kinds of eatables did not pay for it; and among all this cutting + and thrusting, no doubt but it was remarked, that the bride herself was + behindhand wid none of them—that she took her <i>dalin-trick</i> + without flinching, and made nothing less than a right fog meal of it; and + small blame to her for that same, you persave. + </p> + <p> + “When the breakfast was over, up gets Father Flannagan—out with his + book, and on with his stole, to marry them. The bride and bridegroom went + up to the end of the room, attended by their friends, and the rest of the + company stood on each side of it, for you see they were too high bred, and + knew their manners too well, to stand in a crowd like spalpeens. For all + that, there was many a sly look from the ladies to their bachelors, and + many a titter among them, grand as they were; for, to tell the truth, the + best of them likes to see fun in the way, particularly of that sort. The + priest himself was in as great a glee as any of them, only he kept it + under, and well he might, for sure enough this marriage was nothing less + than a rare windfall to him and the parson that was to marry them after + him—bekase you persave a Protestant and Catholic must be married by + both, otherwise it does not hould good in law. The parson was as grave as + a mustard-pot, and Father Flannagan called the bride and bridegroom his + childher, which was a big bounce for him to say the likes of, more betoken + that neither of them was a drop's blood to him. + </p> + <p> + “However, he pulled out the book, and was just beginning to buckle them + when in comes Jack's ould acquaintance, the smoking cur, as grave as ever. + The priest had just got through two or three words of Latin, when the dog + gives him a pluck by the sleeve; Father Flannagan, of coorse, turned round + to see who it was that <i>nudged</i> him: 'Behave yourself,' says the dog + to him, just as he peeped over his shoulder—-'behave yourself,' says + he; and with that he sat him down on his hunkers beside the priest, and + pulling a cigar instead of a pipe out of his pocket, he put it in his + mouth, and began to smoke for the bare life of him. And, by my own word, + it's he that could smoke: at times he would shoot the smoke in a slender + stream like a knitting-needle, with a round curl at the one end of it, + ever so far out of the right side of his mouth; then he would shoot it out + of the left, and sometimes make it swirl out so beautiful from the middle + of his lips!—why, then, it's he that must have been the well-bred + puppy all out, as far as smoking went. Father Flannagan and they all were + thundherstruck. + </p> + <p> + “'In the name of St. Anthony, and of that holy nun, St. Teresa,' said his + Reverence to him, 'who and what are you, at all at all?' + </p> + <p> + “'Never mind that,' says the dog, taking the cigar for a minute between + his claws; 'but if you wish particularly to know, I'm a thirty-second + cousin of your own by the mother's side.' + </p> + <p> + “'I command you in the name of all the saints,' says Father Flarmagan, + believing him to be the devil, 'to disappear from among us, and never + become visible to any one in this house again.' + </p> + <p> + “'The sorra a budge, at the present time, will I budge,' says the dog to + him, 'until I see all sides rightified, and the rogues disappointed.' + </p> + <p> + “Now one would be apt to think the appearance of a <i>spaking</i> dog + might be after fright'ning the ladies; but doesn't all the world know that + <i>spaking</i> puppies are their greatest favorites? Instead of that, you + see, there was half a dozen fierce-looking whiskered fellows, and three or + four half-pay officers, that were nearer making off than the ladies. But, + besides the cigar, the dog had his beautiful eye-glass, and through it, + while he was spaking to Father Flannigan, he ogled all the ladies, one + after another, and when his eye would light upon any that pleased him, he + would kiss his paw to her and wag his tail with the greatest politeness. + </p> + <p> + “'John,' says Father Flannagan, to one of the servants, 'bring me salt and + water, till I consecrate them* to banish the divil, for he has appeared to + us all during broad daylight in the shape of a dog.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Salt and water consecrated by a particular form is Holy Water. +</pre> + <p> + “'You had better behave yourself, I say again,' says the dog, 'or if you + make me speak, by my honor as a gintleman I'll expose you: I say you won't + marry the same two, neither this nor any other day, and I'll give you my + raisons presently; but I repate it, Father Flannagan, if you compel me to + speak, I'll make you look nine ways at once.' + </p> + <p> + “'I defy you, Satan,' says the priest; 'and if you don't take yourself + away before the holy watcher's made, I'll send you off in a flame of + fire.' + </p> + <p> + “'Oh! yes, I'm trimbling,' says the dog: 'plenty of spirits you laid in + your day, but it was in a place that's nearer to us than the Red Sea, you + did it: listen to me though, for I don't wish to expose you, as I said;' + so he gets on his hind legs, puts his nose to the priest's ear, and + whispers something that none of the rest could hear—all before the + priest had time to know where he was. At any rate, whatever he said seemed + to make his Reverence look double, though, faix, that wasn't hard to do, + for he was as big as two common men. When the dog was done speaking, and + had put his cigar in his mouth, the priest seemed thundherstruck, crossed + himself, and was, no doubt of it, in great perplexity. + </p> + <p> + “'I say it's false,' says Father Flannagan, plucking up his courage; 'but + you know you're a liar, and the father of liars.' + </p> + <p> + “'As thrue as gospel, this bout, I tell you,' says the dog. + </p> + <p> + “'Wait till I make my holy wather,' says the priest, 'and if I don't cork + you in a thumb-bottle for this,* I'm not here.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * According to the superstitious belief of the Irish, a + priest, when banishing a spirit, puts it into a thumb- + bottle, which he either buries deep in the earth, or in some + lake. +</pre> + <p> + “Just at this minute, the whole company sees a gintleman galloping for the + bare life of him, up to the hall-door, and he dressed like an officer. In + three jiffeys he was down off his horse, and in among the company. The + dog, as soon as he made his appearance, laid his claw as usual on his + nose, and gave the bridegroom a wink, as much as to say, 'watch what'll + happen.' + </p> + <p> + “Now it was very odd that Jack, during all this time, remembered the dog + very well, but could never once think of the darling that did so much for + him. As soon, however, as the officer made his appearance, the bride + seemed as if she would sink outright; and when he walked up to her, to ax + what was the meaning of what he saw, why, down she drops at once—fainted + clane. The gintleman then went up to Jack, and says, 'Sir, was this lady + about to be married to you?' + </p> + <p> + “'Sartinly,' says Jack, 'we were going to be yoked in the blessed and holy + tackle of mathrimony;' or some high-flown words of that kind. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, sir,' says the other back to him, 'I can only say that she is most + solemniously sworn never to marry another man but me at a time; that oath + she tuck when I was joining my regiment before it went abroad; and if the + ceremony of your marriage be performed, you will sleep with a perjured + bride.' + </p> + <p> + “Begad, he did plump before all their faces. Jack, of coorse, was struck + all of aghape at this; but as he had the bride in his arms, giving her a + little sup of whiskey to bring her to, you persave, he couldn't make him + an answer. However, she soon came to herself, and, on opening her eyes, + 'Oh, hide me, hide me,' says she, 'for I can't bear to look on him!' + </p> + <p> + “'He says you are his sworn bride, my darling,' says Jack. + </p> + <p> + “'I am—I am,' says she, covering her eyes, and crying away at the + rate of a wedding: 'I can't deny it; and, by tare-an-ounty!' says she, + 'I'm unworthy to be either his wife or yours; for, except I marry you + both, I dunna how to settle this affair between you at all;—oh, + murther sheery! but I'm the misfortunate crathur, entirely.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' says Jack to the officer, 'nobody can do more than be sorry for a + wrong turn; small blame to her for taking a fancy to your humble servant, + Mr. Officer,'—and he stood as tall as possible to show himself off: + 'you see the fair lady is sorrowful for her folly, so as it's not yet too + late, and as you came in the nick of time, in the name of Providence take + my place, and let the marriage go an.' + </p> + <p> + “'No,' says she, 'never; I'm not worthy of him, at all, at all; + thundher-an-age, but I'm the unlucky thief!' + </p> + <p> + “While this was going forward, the officer looked closely at Jack, and + seeing him such a fine, handsome fellow, and having heard before of his + riches, he began to think that, all things considhered, she wasn't so much + to be <i>blempt</i>. Then, when he saw how sorry she was for having forgot + him, he steps <i>forrid</i>. + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' says he, 'I'm still willing to marry you, particularly as you + feel conthrition—'” + </p> + <p> + “He should have said contrition, confession, and satisfaction,” observed + Father Peter. + </p> + <p> + “Pettier, will you keep your theology to yourself,” replied Father Ned, + “and let us come to the plot without interruption.” + </p> + <p> + “Plot!” exclaimed Father Peter; “I'm sure it's no rebellion that there + should be a plot in it, any way!” + </p> + <p> + “<i>Tace</i>,” said Father Ned—“<i>tace</i>, and that's Latin for a + candle.” + </p> + <p> + “I deny that,” said the curate; “tace is the imperative mood from <i>tacco</i>, + to keep silent. Tacco, taces, tacui, tacere, tacendi, tacendo tac—” + </p> + <p> + “Ned, go on with your story, and never mind that deep larning of his—he's + almost cracked with it,” said the superior: “go on, and never mind him.” + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' says he, 'I'm still willing to marry you, particularly as you + feel conthrition for what you were going to do.' So, with this, they all + gother about her, and, as the officer was a fine fellow himself, prevailed + upon her to let the marriage be performed, and they were accordingly + spliced as fast as his Reverence could make them. + </p> + <p> + “'Now, Jack,' says the dog, 'I want to spake with you for a minute—it's + a word for your own ear;' so up he stands on his two hind legs, and + purtinded to be whisp'ring something to him; but what do you think?—he + gives him the slightest touch on the lips with his paw, and that instant + Jack remimbered the lady and everything that happened betune them. + </p> + <p> + “'Tell me, this instant,' says Jack, seizing him by the throat, 'where's + the darling, at all, at all, or by this and by that you'll hang on the + next tree!' + </p> + <p> + “Jack spoke finer nor this, to be sure, but as I can't give his tall + English, the sorra one of me will bother myself striving to do it. + </p> + <p> + “'Behave yourself,' says the dog, 'just say nothing, only follow me.' + </p> + <p> + “Accordingly, Jack went out with the dog, and in a few minutes comes in + again, leading along with him, on the one side, the loveliest lady that + ever eye beheld, and the dog, that was her brother, metamurphied into a + beautiful, illegant gintleman, on the other. + </p> + <p> + “'Father Flannagan,' says Jack, 'you thought a little while ago you'd have + no marriage, but instead of that you'll have a brace of them;' up and + telling the company, at the same time, all that had happened to him, and + how the beautiful crathur that he had brought in with him had done so much + for him. + </p> + <p> + “Whin the gintlemen heard this, as they Were all Irishmen, you may be sure + there was nothing but huzzaing and throwing up of hats from them, and + waving of hankerchers from the ladies. Well, my dear, the wedding dinner + was ate in great style; the nobleman proved himself no disgrace to his + rank at the trencher; and so, to make a long story short, such faisting + and banquetteering was never since or before. At last, night came; among + ourselves, not a doubt of it, but Jack thought himself a happy man; and + maybe, if all was known, the bride was much in the same opinion: be that + as it may, night came—the bride, all blushing, beautiful, and modest + as your own sweetheart, was getting tired after the dancing; Jack, too, + though much stouter, wished for a trifle of repose, and many thought it + was near time to throw the stocking, as is proper, of coorse, on every + occasion of the kind. Well, he was just on his way up stairs, and had + reached the first landing, when he hears a voice at his ear, shouting, + 'Jack—Jack—Jack Magennis!' Jack could have spitted anybody for + coming to disturb him at such a criticality. 'Jack Magennis!' says the + voice. Jack looked about to see who it was that called him, and there he + found himself lying on the green Rath, a little above his mother's cabin, + of a fine, calm summer's evening, in the month of June. His mother was + stooping over him, with her mouth at his ear, striving to waken him, by + shouting and shaking him out of his sleep. + </p> + <p> + “'Oh! by this and by that, mother,' says Jack, 'what did you waken me + for?' + </p> + <p> + “'Jack, avourneen,' says the mother, 'sure and you war lying grunting, and + groaning, and snifthering there, for all the world as if you had the + cholic, and I only nudged you for fraid you war in pain.' + </p> + <p> + “'I wouldn't for a thousand guineas,' says Jack, 'that ever you wakened + me, at all, at all; but whisht, mother, go into the house, and I'll be + afther you in less than no time.' + </p> + <p> + “The mother went in, and the first thing Jack did was to try the rock; + and, sure enough, there he found as much money as made him the richest man + that ever was in the country. And what was to his credit, when, he did + grow rich, he wouldn't let his cabin be thrown down, but built a fine + castle on a spot near it, where he could always have it under his eye, to + prevent him from getting proud. In the coorse of time, a harper, hearing + the story, composed a tune upon it, which every body knows is called the + 'Little House under the Hill' to this day, beginning with— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + 'Hi for it, ho for it, hi for it still; + Och, and whoo! your sowl—hi for the little house under the hill!' +</pre> + <p> + “So you see that was the way the great Magennisses first came by their + wealth, and all because Jack was indistrious, and an obadient, dutiful, + and tindher son to his helpless ould mother, and well he deserved what he + got, <i>ershi misha</i> (* Say I.) Your healths, Father Ned—Father + Pether—all kinds of happiness to us; and there's my story.” + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + “Well,” said Father Peter, “I think that dog was nothing more or less than + a downright cur, that deserved the lash nine times a day, if it was only + for his want of respect to the clergy; if he had given me such insolence, + I solemnly declare I would have bate the devil out of him with a hazel + cudgel, if I failed to exorcise him with a prayer.” + </p> + <p> + Father Ned looked at the simple and credulous curate with an expression of + humor and astonishment. + </p> + <p> + “Paddy,” said he to the servant, “will you let us know what the night's + doing?” + </p> + <p> + Paddy looked out. “Why, your Rev'rence, it's a fine night, all out, and + cleared up it is bravely.” + </p> + <p> + At this moment the stranger awoke. + </p> + <p> + “Sir,” said Father Ned, “you missed an amusing story, in consequence of + your somnolency.” + </p> + <p> + “Though I missed the story,” replied the stranger, “I was happy enough to + hear your friend's critique upon the dog.” + </p> + <p> + Father Ned seemed embarrassed; the curate, on the contrary, exclaimed with + triumph—“but wasn't I right, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “Perfectly,” said the stranger; “the moral you applied was excellent.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-night, boys,” said Father Ned—“good-night, Mr. Longinus + Polysyllabus Alexandrinus!” + </p> + <p> + “Good-night, boys,” said Father Peter, imitating Father Ned, whom he + looked upon as a perfect model of courtesy—“Good-night, boys—good + night, Mr. Longinus Polysyllabus Alexandrinus.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-night,” replied the stranger—“good-night, Doctor Edward + Deleery; and good-night, Doctor Peter M'Clatchaghan—good-night.” + </p> + <p> + When the clergymen were gone, the circle about the fire, excepting the + members of Ned's family and the stranger, dispersed to their respective + homes; and thus ended the amusement of that evening. + </p> + <p> + After they had separated, Ned, whose curiosity respecting the stranger was + by no means satisfied, began to sift him in his own peculiar manner, as + they both sat at the fire. + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir,” said Ned, “barring the long play-acther that tumbles upon the + big stage in the street of our market-town, here below, I haven't seen so + long a man this many a day; and, barring your big whiskers, the sorra one + of your honor's unlike him. A fine portly vagabone he is, indeed—a + big man, and a bigger rogue, they say, for he pays nobody.” + </p> + <p> + “Have you got such a company in your neighborhood?” inquired the stranger, + with indifference. + </p> + <p> + “We have, sir,” said Ned, “but, plase goodness, they'll soon be lashed + like hounds from the place—the town boys are preparing to give them + a chivey some fine morning out of the country.” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed!—he—hem! that will be very spirited of the town boys,” + said the stranger dryly. + </p> + <p> + “That's a smart looking horse your honor rides,” observed Ned; “did he + carry you far to-day, with submission?” + </p> + <p> + “Not far,” replied his companion—“only fourteen miles; but, I + suppose, the fact is, you wish to know who and what I am, where I came + from and whither I am going. Well, you shall know this. In the first + place, I am agent to Lord Non Resident's estate, if you ever heard of that + nobleman, and am on my way from Castle Ruin, the seat of his Lordship's + Incumbrances, to Dublin. My name you have already heard. Are you now + satisfied?” + </p> + <p> + “Parfitly, your honor,” replied Ned, “and I am much obliged to you, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “I trust you are an honest man,” said the stranger, “because for this + night I am about to place great confidence in you.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir,” said his landlord, “if I turn out dishonest to you, it's more + nor I did in my whole life to any body else, barring to Nancy.” + </p> + <p> + “Here, then,” said the stranger, drawing out a large packet, inclosed in a + roll of black leather—“here is the half year's rent of the estate, + together with my own property: keep it secure till morning, when I shall + demand it, and, of course, it will be safe?” + </p> + <p> + “As if it was five <i>fadom</i>, under ground,” replied Ned. “I will put + it along with our own trifle of silver; and after that, let Nancy alone + for keeping it safe, so long as it's there;” saying which, Ned secured the + packet, and showed the stranger his bed. + </p> + <p> + About five o'clock the next morning their guest was up, and ordered a + snack in all haste; “Being a military man,” said he, “and accustomed to + timely hours, I shall ride down to the town, and put a letter into the + post-office in time for the Dublin mail, after which you may expect me to + breakfast. But, in the meantime, I am not to go with empty pockets,” he + added; when mounting his horse at the door—“bring me some silver, + landlord, and be quick.” + </p> + <p> + “How much, plase your honor?” + </p> + <p> + “Twenty or thirty shillings; but, harkee, produce my packet, that I may be + quite certain my property is safe.” + </p> + <p> + “Here it is, your honor, safe and sound,” replied Ned, returning from + within; “and Nancy, sir, has sent you all the silver she has, which was + One Pound Five; but I'd take it as a favor if your honor would be contint + with twenty shillings, and lave me the odd five, for you see the case is + this, sir, plase your honor, <i>she</i>,” and Ned, with a shrewd, humorous + nod, pointed with his thumb over his shoulder, as he spoke— “she + wears the —— what you know, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Ay, I thought so,” replied the stranger; “but a man of your size to be + henpecked must be a great knave, otherwise your wife would allow you more + liberty. Go in, man; you deserve no compassion in such an age of freedom + as this. I sha'n't give you a farthing till after my return, and only then + if it be agreeable to your wife.” * + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Ned M'Keown was certainly a very remarkable individual, + and became, in consequence of his appearance in these pages, + a person of considerable notoriety during the latter years + of his life. His general character, and the nature of his + unsuccessful speculations, I have drawn with great truth. + There is only one point alone in which I have done him + injustice, and that is in depicting him as a henpecked + husband. The truth is, I had a kind of good humored pique in + against Ned, and for the following reasons:—The cross-roads + at which he lived formed a central point for all the + youngsters of the neighborhood to assemble for the purpose + of practising athletic exercises, of which I, in my youth, + was excessively fond. Now Ned never would suffer me to join + my young acquaintances in these harmless and healthful + sports, but on every occasion, whenever he saw me, he would + run out with,a rod or cudgel and chase me from the scene of + amusement. This, to a boy so enthusiastically devoted to + such diversions as I was, often occasioned me to give him + many a hearty malediction when at a safe distance. In fact, + he continued this practice until I became too much of a man + to run away, after which he durst only growl and mutter + abuse, whilst I snapped my fingers at him. For this reason, + then, and remembering all the vexatious privations of my + favorite sports which he occasioned me, I resolved to turn + the laugh against him, which I did effectually, by bringing + him out in the character of a hen-pecked husband, which was + indeed very decidedly opposed to his real one. My triumph + was complete, and Ned, on hearing himself read of “in a + book,” waxed indignant and wrathful. In speaking of me he + could not for the life of him express any other idea of my + age and person than that by which he last remembered me. + “What do you think?” he would exclaim, “there's that young + Carleton has put me in a book, and made Nancy leather me!” + Ned survived Nancy several years, and married another wife, + whom I never saw. About twenty-five years ago he went to + America, where he undertook to act as a tanner, and nearly + ruined his employer. After some time he returned, home, and + was forced to mend roads. Towards the close of his life, + however, he contrived to get an ass and cart, and became + egg-merchant, but I believe with his usual success. In this + last capacity, I think about two years ago, he withdrew from + all his cares and speculations, and left behind him the + character of an honest, bustlin, good-humored man, whom + everybody knew and everybody liked, and whose harmless + eccentricities many will long remember with good-humor and + regret. +</pre> + <p> + “Murdher!” said Ned, astonished, “I beg your honor's pardon; but murdher + alive, sir, where's your whiskers?” + </p> + <p> + The stranger put his hand hastily to his face, and smiled—“Where are + my whiskers? Why, shaved off, to be sure,” he replied; and setting spurs + to his horse, was soon out of sight and hearing. + </p> + <p> + It was nearly a month after that, when Ned and Nancy, in presence of + Father Deleery, opened the packet, and. discovered, not the half-year's + rent of Lord Non-Resident's estate, but a large sheaf of play-bills packed + up together—their guest having been the identical person to whom Ned + affirmed he bore so strong a resemblance. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + SHANE FADH'S WEDDING. + </h2> + <p> + On the following evening, the neighbors were soon assembled about Ned's + hearth in the same manner as on the night preceding:—And we may + observe, by the way, that though there was a due admixture of opposite + creeds and conflicting principles, yet even then, and the time is not so + far back, such was their cordiality of heart and simplicity of manners + when contrasted with the bitter and rancorous spirit of the present day + that the very remembrance of the harmony in which they lived is at once + pleasing and melancholy. + </p> + <p> + After some preliminary chat, “Well Shane,” said Andy Morrow, addressing + Shane Fadh, “will you give us an account of your wedding? I'm tould it was + the greatest let-out that ever was in the country, before or since.” + </p> + <p> + “And you may say that, Mr. Morrow,” said Shane, “I was at many a wedding + myself, but never at the likes of my own, barring Tim Lannigan's, that + married Father Corrigan's niece.” + </p> + <p> + “I believe,” said Andy, “that, too, was a dashing one; however, it's your + own we want. Come, Nancy, fill these measures again, and let us be + comfortable, at all events, and give Shane a double one, for talking's + druthy work:—I'll stand this round.” + </p> + <p> + When the liquor was got in, Shane, after taking a draught, laid down his + pint, pulled out his steel tobacco-box, and, after twisting off a chew + between his teeth, closed the box, and commenced the story of his wedding. + </p> + <p> + “When I was a Brine-Oge,” * said Shane, “I was as wild as an unbroken cowlt—no + divilment was too hard for me; and so sign's on it, for there wasn't a + piece of mischief done in the parish, but was laid at my door—and + the dear knows I had enough of my own to answer for, let alone to be set + down for that of other people; but, any way, there was many a thing done + in my name, when I knew neither act nor part about it. One of them I'll + mintion: Dick Cuillenan, father to Paddy, that lives at the crass-roads, + beyant Gunpowdher Lodge, was over head and ears in love with Jemmy + Finigan's eldest daughter, Mary, then, sure enough, as purty a girl as + you'd meet in a fair—indeed, I think I'm looking at her, with her + fair flaxen ringlets hanging over her shoulders, as she used to pass our + house, going to mass of a Sunday. God rest her sowl, she's now in glory—that + was before she was my wife. Many a happy day we passed together; and I + could take it to my death, that an ill word, let alone to rise our hands + to one another, never passed between us—only one day, that a word or + two happened about the dinner, in the middle of Lent, being a little too + late, so that the horses were kept nigh half an hour out of the plough; + and I wouldn't have valued that so much, only that it was Beal Cam** + Doherty that joined*** me in ploughing that year—and I was vexed not + to take all I could out of him, for he was a raal Turk himself. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * A young man full of fun and frolic. The word literally + signifies Young Brian. Such phrases originate thus:—A young + man remarkable for one or more qualities of a particular + nature becomes so famous for them that his name, in the + course of time, is applied to others, as conveying the same + character. + + ** Crooked mouth. + + ***In Ireland, small farmers who cannot afford to keep more + than one horse are in the habit of “joining,” as it is + termed—that is, of putting their horses together so as to + form a yoke, when they plough each other's farms, working + alternately, sometimes, by the week, half-week, or day; that + is, I plough this day, or this week, and you the next day, + or week, until our crops are got down. In this case, each is + anxious to take as much out of the horses as he can, + especially where the farms are unequal. For instance, where + one farm is larger than another the difference must be paid + by the owner of the larger one in horse-labor, man-labor, or + money; but that he may have as little to pay as possible, he + ploughs as much for himself, by the day, as he can, and + often strives to get the other to do as little per day, on + the other side, in order to diminish what will remain due to + his partner. There is, consequently, a ludicrous + undercurrent of petty jealousy running between them, which + explains the passage in question. +</pre> + <p> + “I disremember now what passed between us as to words—but I know I + had a duck-egg in my hand, and when she spoke, I raised my arm, and nailed—poor + Larry Tracy, our servant boy, between the two eyes with it, although the + crathur was ating his dinner quietly fornent me, not saying a word. + </p> + <p> + “Well, as I tould you, Dick was ever after her, although her father and + mother would rather see her under boord* than joined to any of that + connection; and as for herself, she couldn't bear the sight of him, he was + sich an upsetting, conceited puppy, that thought himself too good for + every girl. At any rate, he tried often and often, in fair and market, to + get striking up with her; and both coming from and going to mass, 'twas + the same way, for ever after and about her, till the state he was in + spread over the parish like wild fire. Still, all he could do was of no + use; except to bid him the time of day, she never entered into discoorse + with him at all at all. But there was no putting the likes of him off; so + he got a quart of spirits in his pocket, one night, and without saying a + word to mortal, off he sets full speed to her father's, in order to brake + the thing to the family. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * In that part of the country where the scene of Shane + Fadh's Wedding is laid, the bodies of those who die are not + stretched out on a bed, and the face exposed; on the + contrary, they are placed generally on the ground, or in a + bed, but with a board resting upon two stools or chairs over + them. This is covered with a clean sheet, generally borrowed + from some wealthier neighbor; so that the person of the + deceased is altogether concealed. Over the sheet upon the + board, are placed plates of cut tobacco, pipes, snuff, &c. + This is what is meant by being “undher boord.” + </pre> + <p> + “Mary might be about seventeen at this time, and her mother looked almost + as young and fresh as if she hadn't been married at all. When Dick came + in, you may be sure they were all surprised at the sight of him; but they + were civil people—and the mother wiped a chair, and put it over near + the fire for him to sit down upon, waiting to hear what he'd say, or what + he wanted, although, they could give a purty good guess as to that!—but + they only wished to put him off with as little offince as possible. When + Dick sot a while, talking about what the price of hay and oats would be in + the following summer, and other subjects that he thought would show his + knowledge of farming and cattle, he pulls out his bottle, encouraged to by + their civil way of talking—and telling the ould couple, that as he + came over on his kailyee,* he had brought a drop in his pocket to sweeten + the discoorse, axing Susy Finigan, the mother, for a glass to send it + round with—at the same time drawing over his chair close to Mary who + was knitting her stocken up beside her little brother Michael, and + chatting to the gorsoon, for fraid that Cuillenan might think she paid him + any attention. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Kailyee—a friendly evening visit. +</pre> + <p> + When Dick got alongside of her, he began of coorse, to pull out her + needles and spoil her knitting, as is customary before the young people + come to close spaking. Mary, howsomever, had no welcome for him; so, says + she, 'You ought to know, Dick Cuillenan, who you spake to, before you make + the freedom you do' + </p> + <p> + “'But you don't know, says Dick, 'that I'm a great hand at spoiling the + girls' knitting,—it's a fashion I've got,' says he. + </p> + <p> + “'It's a fashion, then,' says Mary, 'that'll be apt to get you a broken + mouth, sometime'.* + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * It is no unusual thing in Ireland for a country girl to + repulse a fellow whom she thinks beneath her, if not by a + flat at least by a flattening refusal; nor is it seldom that + the “argumentum fistycuffum” resorted to on such occasions. + I have more than once seen a disagreeable lover receive, + from that fair hand which he sought, so masterly a blow, + that a bleeding nose rewarded his ambition, and silenced for + a time his importunity. +</pre> + <p> + “'Then,' says Dick, 'whoever does that must marry me.' + </p> + <p> + “'And them that gets you, will have a prize to brag of,' says she; 'stop + yourself, Cuillenan—-single your freedom, and double your distance, + if you plase; I'll cut my coat off no such cloth.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, Mary,' says he, 'maybe, if <i>you</i>, don't, as good will; but + you won't be so cruel as all that comes to—the worst side of you is + out, I think.' + </p> + <p> + “He was now beginning to make greater freedom; but Mary rises from her + seat, and whisks away with herself, her cheek as red as a rose with + vexation at the fellow's imperance. 'Very well,' says Dick, 'off you go; + but there's as good fish in the say as ever was catched.—I'm sorry + to see, Susy,' says he to her mother, 'that Mary's no friend of mine, and + I'd be mighty glad to find it otherwise; for, to tell the truth, I'd wish + to become connected with the family. In the mane time, hadn't you better + get us a glass, till we drink one bottle on the head of it, anyway.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, then, Dick Cuillenan,' says the mother, 'I don't wish you anything + else than good luck and happiness; but, as to Mary, She's not for you + herself, nor would it be a good match between the families at all. Mary is + to have her grandfather's sixty guineas; and the two <i>moulleens</i>* + that her uncle Jack left her four years ago has brought her a good stock + for any farm. Now if she married you, Dick, where's the farm to bring her + to?—surely it's not upon them seven acres of stone and bent, upon + the long Esker,** that I'd let my daughter go to live. So, Dick, put up + your bottle, and in the name of God, go home, boy, and mind your business; + but, above all, when you want a wife, go to them that you may have a right + to expect, and not to a girl like Mary Finigan, that could lay down + guineas where you could hardly find shillings.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Cows without horns. + + ** Esker; a high ridge of land, generally barren and + unproductive, when upon a small scale. It is also a ridgy + height that runs for many miles through a country. +</pre> + <p> + “'Very well, Susy,' says Dick, nettled enough, as he well might, 'I say to + you, just as I say to your daughter, if you be proud there's no force.'” + </p> + <p> + “But what has this to do with you, Shane?” asked Andy Morrow; “sure we + wanted to hear an account of your wedding, but instead of that, it's Dick + Cuillenan's history you're giving us.” + </p> + <p> + “That's just it,” said Shane; “sure, only for this same Dick, I'd never + got Mary Finigan for a wife. Dick took Susy's advice, bekase, after all, + the undacent drop was in him? or he'd never have brought the bottle out of + the house at all; but, faith he riz up, put the whiskey in his pocket, and + went home with a face on him as black as my hat with venom. Well, things + passed on till the Christmas following, when one night, after the Finigans + had all gone to bed, there comes a crowd of fellows to the door, thumping + at it with great violence, and swearing that if the people within wouldn't + open it immediately, it would be smashed into smithereens. The family, of + coorse, were all alarmed; but somehow or other, Susy herself got + suspicious that it might be something about Mary, so up she gets, and + sends the daughter to her own bed, and lies down herself in the + daughter's. + </p> + <p> + “In the mane time, Finigan got up, and after lighting a candle, opened the + door at once. 'Come, Finigan,' says a strange voice, 'put out the candle, + except you wish us to make a candlestick of the thatch,' says he—'or + to give you a prod of a bagnet under the ribs,' says he. + </p> + <p> + “It was a folly for one man to go to bell-the-cat with a whole crowd; so + he blew the candle out, and next minute they rushed in, and went as + straight as a rule to Mary's bed. The mother all the time lay close, and + never said a word. At any rate, what could be expected, only that, do what + she could, at the long-run she must go? So according, after a very hard + battle on her side, being a powerful woman, she was obliged to travel—but + not till she had left many of them marks to remimber her by; among the + rest, Dick himself got his nose split on his face, with the stroke of a + churn-staff, so that he carried half a nose on each cheek till the day of + his death. Still there was very little spoke, for they didn't wish to + betray themselves on any side. The only thing that Finigan could hear, was + my name repeated several times, as if the whole thing was going on under + my direction; for Dick thought, that if there was any one in the parish + likely to be set down for it, it was me. + </p> + <p> + “When Susy found they were for putting her behind one of them, on a horse, + she rebelled again, and it took near a dozen of boys to hoist her up; but + one vagabone of them, that had a rusty broad-sword in his hand, gave her a + skelp with the flat side of it, that subdued her at once, and off they + went. Now, above all nights in the year, who should be dead but my own + full cousin, Denis Fadh—God be good to him!—and I, and Jack, + and Dan, his brothers, while bringing; home whiskey for the wake and + berrin, met them on the road. At first we thought them distant relations + coming to the wake, but when I saw only one woman among the set, and she + mounted on a horse, I began to suspect that all wasn't right. I + accordingly turned back a bit, and walked near enough without their seeing + me to hear the discoorse, and discover the whole business. In less than no + time I was back at the wake-house, so I up and tould them what I saw, and + off we set, about forty of us, with good cudgels, scythe-sneds, and + flails, fully bent to bring her back from them, come or go what would. And + troth, sure enough, we did it; and I was the man myself, that rode afore + the mother on the same horse that carried her off. + </p> + <p> + “From this out, when and wherever I got an opportunity, I whispered the + soft nonsense, Nancy, into poor Mary's ear, until I put my <i>comedher</i>* + on her, and she couldn't live at all without me. But I was something for a + woman to look at then, any how, standing six feet two in my stocking + soles, which, you know, made them call me Shane <i>Fadh</i>.** At that + time I had a dacent farm of fourteen acres in Crocknagooran—the same + that my son, Ned, has at the present time; and though, as to wealth, by no + manner of manes fit to compare with the Finigans, yet, upon the whole, she + might have made a worse match. The father, however, wasn't for me; but the + mother was: so after drinking a bottle or two with the mother, Sarah + Traynor, her cousin, and Mary, along with Jack Donnellan, on my part, in + their own barn, unknown to the father, we agreed to make, a runaway match + of it, and appointed my uncle Brian Slevin's as the house we'd go to. The + next Sunday was the day appointed; so I had my uncle's family prepared, + and sent two gallons of whiskey, to be there before us, knowing that + neither the Finigans nor my own friends liked stinginess. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Comedher—come hither—alluding to the burden of an old + love-charm which is still used by the young of both sexes on + May-morning. It is a literal translation of the Irish word + “gutsho.” + + ** Fadh is tall, or long +</pre> + <p> + “Well, well, after all, the world is a strange thing—it's myself + hardly knows what to make of it. It's I that did doat night and day upon + that girl; and indeed there was them that could have seen me in Jimmaiky + for her sake, for she was the beauty of the country, not to say of the + parish, for a girl in her station. For my part, I could neither ate nor + sleep, for thinking that she was so soon to be my own married wife, and to + live under my roof. And when I'd think of it, how my heart would bounce to + my throat, with downright joy and delight! The mother had made us promise + not to meet till Sunday, for fraid of the father becoming suspicious: but + if I was to be shot for it, I couldn't hinder myself from going every + night to the great flowering whitethorn that was behind their garden; and + although she knew I hadn't promised to come, yet there she still was; + something, she said, tould her I would come. + </p> + <p> + “The next Sunday we met at <i>Althadhawan</i> wood, and I'll never forget + what I felt when I was going to the green at St. Patrick's Chair, where + the boys and girls meet on Sunday; but there she was—the bright eyes + dancing: with joy in her head to see me. We spent the evening in the wood, + till it was dusk—I bating them all leaping, dancing, and throwing + the stone; for, by my song, I thought I had the action of ten men in me; + she looking on, and smiling like an angel, when I'd lave them miles behind + me. As it grew dusk, they all went home, except herself and me, and a few + more who, maybe, had something of the same kind on hands. + </p> + <p> + “'Well Mary,' says I, 'acushla machree, it's dark enough for us to go; + and, in the name of God, let us be off.” + </p> + <p> + “The crathur looked into my face, and got pale—for she was very + young then: 'Shane,' says she, and she thrimbled like an aspen lafe, 'I'm + going to trust myself with—you for ever—for ever, Shane, + avourueen,—and her sweet voice broke into purty murmurs as she + spoke; 'whether for happiness or sorrow God he only knows. I can bear + poverty and distress, sickness and want will' you, but I can't bear to + think that you should ever forget to love me as you do now, or your heart + should ever cool to me: but I'm sure,' says she, 'you'll never forget this + night—and the solemn promises you made me, before God and the + blessed skies above us.' + </p> + <p> + “We were sitting at the time under the shade of a rowan-tree, and I had + only one answer to make—I pulled her to my breast, where she laid + her head and cried like a child with her cheek against mine. My own eyes + weren't dry, although I felt no sorrow, but—but—I never forgot + that night—and I never will.” + </p> + <p> + He now paused a few minutes, being too much affected to proceed. + </p> + <p> + “Poor Shane,” said Nancy, in a whisper to Andy Morrow, “night and day he's + thinking about that woman; she's now dead going on a year, and you would + think by him, although he bears up very well before company that she died + only yestherday—but indeed it's he that was always the kind-hearted, + affectionate man; and a better husband never broke bread.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said Shane, resuming the story, and clearing his voice, “it's + great consolation to me, now that she's gone, to think that I never broke + the promise I made her that night; for as I tould you, except in regard to + the duck-egg, a bitther word never passed between us. I was in a passion + then, for a wonder, and bent upon showing her that I was a dangerous man + to provoke; so just to give her a <i>spice</i> of what I could do, I made + <i>Larry</i> feel it—and may God forgive me for raising my hand even + then to her. But sure he would be a brute that would beat such a woman + except by proxy. When it was clear dark we set off, and after crossing the + country for two miles, reached my uncle's, where a great many of my + friends were expecting us. As soon as we came to the door I struck it two + or three times, for that was the sign, and my aunt came out, and taking + Mary in her arms, kissed her, and, with a thousand welcomes, brought us + both in. + </p> + <p> + “You all know that the best of aiting and dhrinking is provided when a + runaway couple is expected; and indeed there was galore of both there. My + uncle and all that were within welcomed us again; and many a good song and + hearty jug of punch was sent round that night. The next morning my uncle + went to her father's, and broke the business to him at once: indeed it + wasn't very hard to do, for I believe it reached him afore he saw my uncle + at all; so she was brought home* that day, and, on the Thursday night + after, I, my father, uncle, and several other friends, went there and made + the match. She had sixty guineas, that her grandfather left her, thirteen + head of cattle, two feather- and two chaff-beds, with sheeting, quilts, + and blankets; three pieces of bleached linen, and a flock of geese of her + own rearing—upon the whole, among ourselves, it wasn't aisy to get + such a fortune. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * One-half, at least, of the marriages in a great portion of + Ireland are effected in this manner. They are termed + “runaway matches,” and are attended with no disgrace. When + the parents of the girl come to understand that she has + “gone off,” they bring her home in a day or two; the friends + of the parties then meet, and the arrangements for the + marriage are made as described in the tale. +</pre> + <p> + “Well, the match was made, and the wedding day appointed; but there was + one thing still to be managed, and that was how to get over <i>standing</i> + at mass on Sunday, to make satisfaction for the scandal we gave the church + by running away with one another—but that's all stuff, for who cares + a pin about standing, when three halves of the parish are married in the + same way! The only thing that vexed me was, that it would keep back the + wedding-day. However, her father and my uncle went to the priest, and + spoke to him, trying, of coorse, to get us off it, but he knew we were fat + geese, and was in for giving us a plucking.—Hut, tut!—he + wouldn't hear of it at all, not he; for although he would ride fifty miles + to sarve either of us, he couldn't break the new orders that he had got + only a few days before that from the bishop. No; we must <i>stand</i>*—for + it would be setting a bad example to the parish; and if he would let us + pass, how could he punish the rest of his flock, when they'd be guilty of + the same thing? + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Matches made in this manner are discountenanced by the + Roman Catholic clergy, as being liable to abuse; and, for + this reason, the parties, by way of punishment, are + sometimes, but not always, made to stand up at mass for one + or three Sundays; but, as Shane expresses it, the punishment + is so common that it completely loses its effect. To + “stand,” in the sense meant here, is this: the priest, when + the whole congregation are on their knees, calls the young + man and woman by name, who stand up and remain under the + gaze of the congregation, whilst he rebukes them for the + scandal they gave to the church, after which they kneel + down. In general it is looked upon more in fun than + punishment. Sometimes, however, the wealthier class + compromise this matter with the priest, as described above. +</pre> + <p> + “'Well, well, your Reverence,' says my uncle, winking at her father, 'if + that's the case, it can't be helped, any how—they must only stand, + as many a dacent father and mother's child has done before them, and will + again, plase God—your Reverence is right in doing your duty.' + </p> + <p> + “'True for you, Brian,' says his Reverence, 'and yet, God knows, there's + no man in the parish would be sorrier to see such a dacent, comely young + couple put upon a level with all the scrubs of the parish; and I know, + Jemmy Finigan, it would go hard with your young, bashful daughter to get + through with it, having the eyes of the whole congregation staring on + her.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, then, your Reverence, as to that,' says my uncle, who was just as + stiff as the other was stout, 'the bashfulest of them will do more nor + that to get a husband.' + </p> + <p> + “'But you tell me,' says the priest, 'that the wedding-day is fixed upon; + how will you manage there?' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, put it off for three Sundays longer, to be sure,' says the uncle. + </p> + <p> + “'But you forget this, Brian,' says the priest, 'that good luck or + prosperity never attends the putting off of a wedding.' + </p> + <p> + “Now here, you see, is where the priest had them; for they knew that as + well as his Reverence himself—so they were in a puzzle again. + </p> + <p> + “'It's a disagreeable business,' says the priest, 'but the truth is, I + could get them off with the bishop, only for one thing—I owe him + five guineas of altar-money, and I am so far back in dues that I'm not + able to pay him. If I could inclose this to him in a letter, I would get + them off at once, although it would be bringing myself into trouble with + the parish afterwards; but, at all events,' says he, 'I wouldn't make + every one of you both—so, to prove that I wish to sarve you, I'll + sell the best cow in my byre, and pay him myself, rather than their + wedding day should be put off, poor things, or themselves brought to any + bad luck—the Lord keep them from it!' + </p> + <p> + “While he was speaking, he stamped his foot two or three times on the + flure, and the housekeeper came in.—'Katty,' says he, 'bring us in a + bottle of whiskey; at all events, I can't let you away,' says he, 'without + tasting something, and drinking luck to the young folks.' + </p> + <p> + “'In troth,' says Jemmy Finigan, 'and begging your Reverence's pardon, the + sorra cow you'll sell this bout, any how, on account of me or my childhre, + bekase I'll lay down on the nail what'll clear you wid the bishop; and in + the name of goodness, as the day is fixed and all, let the crathurs not be + disappointed.' + </p> + <p> + “'Jemmy,' says my uncle, 'if you go to that, you'll pay but your share, + for I insist upon laying down one-half, at laste.' + </p> + <p> + “At any rate they came down with the cash, and after drinking a bottle + between them, went home in choice spirits entirely at their good luck in + so aisily getting us off. When they had left the house a bit, the priest + sent after them—'Jemmy,' says he to Finigan, 'I forgot a + circumstance, and that is, to tell you that I will go and marry them at + your own house, and bring Father James, my curate with me.' 'Oh, wurrah, + no,' said both, 'don't mention that, your Reverence, except you wish to + break their hearts, out and out! why, that would be a thousand times worse + nor making them stand to do penance: doesn't your Reverence know that if + they hadn't the pleasure of running for the bottle, the whole wedding + wouldn't be worth three half-pence?' 'Indeed, I forgot that, Jemmy.' 'But + sure,' says my uncle, 'your Reverence and Father James must be at it, + whether or not—for that we intended from the first.' 'Tell them I'll + run for the bottle, too,' says the priest, laughing, 'and will make some + of them look sharp, never fear.' + </p> + <p> + “Well, by my song, so far all was right; and may be it's we that weren't + glad—maning Mary and myself—that there was nothing more in the + way to put off the wedding-day. So, as the bridegroom's share of the + expense always is to provide the whiskey, I'm sure, for the honor and + glory of taking the blooming young crathur from the great lot of bachelors + that were all breaking their hearts about her, I couldn't do less nor + finish the thing dacintly; knowing, besides, the high doings that the + Finigans would have of it—for they were always looked upon as a + family that never had their heart in a trifle, when it would come to the + push. So, you see, I and my brother Mickey, my cousin Tom, and Dom'nick + Nulty, went up into the mountains to Tim Cassidy's still-house, where we + spent a glorious day, and bought fifteen gallons of stuff, that one drop + of it would bring the tear, if possible, to a young widdy's eye that had + berrid a bad husband. Indeed, this was at my father's bidding, who wasn't + a bit behindhand with any of them in cutting a dash. 'Shane,' says he to + me, 'you know the Finigans of ould, that they won't be contint with what + would do another, and that, except they go beyant the thing, entirely, + they won't be satisfied. They'll have the whole countryside at the + wadding, and we must let them see that we have a spirit and a faction of + our own,' says he, 'that we needn't be ashamed of. They've got all kinds + of ateables in cart-loads, and as we're to get the drinkables, we must see + and give as good as they'll bring. I myself, and your mother, will go + round and invite all we can think of, and let you and Mickey go up the + hills to Tim Cassidy, and get fifteen gallons of whiskey, for I don't + think less will do us.' + </p> + <p> + “This we accordingly complied with, as I said, and surely better stuff + never went down the red lane (* Humorous periphrasis for throat) than the + same whiskey; for the people knew nothing about watering it then, at all + at all. The next thing I did was to get a fine shop cloth coat, a pair of + top-boots, and buckskin breeches fit for a squire; along with a new + Caroline hat that would throw off the wet like a duck. Mat Kavanagh, the + schoolmaster from Findramore bridge, lent me his watch for the occasion, + after my spending near two days learning from him to know what o'clock it + was. At last, somehow, I masthered that point so well that, in a quarter + of an hour at least, I could give a dacent guess at the time upon it. + </p> + <p> + “Well, at last the day came. The wedding morning, or the bride's part of + it,* as they say, was beautiful. It was then the month of July. The + evening before my father” * and my brother went over to Jemmy Finigan's, to + make the regulations for the wedding. We, that is my party, were to be at + the bride's house about ten o'clock, and we were then to proceed, all on + horseback, to the priest's, to be married. We were then, after drinking + something at Tom Hance's public-house, to come back as far as the + Dumbhill, where we were to start and run for the bottle. That morning we + were all up at the shriek of day. From six o'clock my own faction, friends + and neighbors, began to come, all mounted; and about eight o'clock there + was a whole regiment of them, some on horses, some on mules, others on + raheries** and asses; and, by my word, I believe little Dick Snudaghan, + the tailor's apprentice, that had a hand in making my wedding-clothes, was + mounted upon a buck goat, with a bridle of salvages tied to his horns. + Anything at all to keep their feet from the ground; for nobody would be + allowed to go with the wedding that hadn't some animal between them and + the earth. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The morning or early part of the day, on which an Irish + couple are married, up until noon, is called the bride's + part, which, if the fortunes of the pair are to be happy, is + expected to be fair—rain or storm being considered + indicative of future calamity. + + ** A small, shaggy pony, so called from being found in great + numbers on the Island of that name. +</pre> + <p> + “To make a long story short, so large a bridegroom's party was never seen + in that country before, save and except Tim Lannigans, that I mentioned + just now. It would make you split your face laughing to see the figure + they cut; some of them had saddles and bridles—others had saddles + and halthers; some had back-suggawns of straw, with hay Stirrups to them, + but good bridles; others sacks filled up as like saddles as they could + make them, girthed with hay-ropes five or six times tied round the horse's + body. When one or two of the horses wouldn't carry double, except the hind + rider sat stride-ways, the women had to be put foremost, and the men + behind them. Some had dacent pillions enough, but most of them had none at + all, and the women were obliged to sit where the pillion ought to be—and + a hard card they had to play to keep their seats even when the horses + walked asy, so what must it be when they came to a gallop! but that same + was nothing at all to a trot. + </p> + <p> + “From the time they began to come that morning, you may be sartain that + the glass was no cripple, any how—although, for fear of accidents, + we took care not to go too deep. At eight o'clock we sat down to a rousing + breakfast, for we thought it best to eat a trifle at home, lest they might + think that what we were to get at the bride's breakfast might be thought + any novelty. As for my part, I was in such a state, that I couldn't let a + morsel cross my throat, nor did I know what end of me was uppermost. After + breakfast they all got their cattle, and I my hat and whip, and was ready + to mount, when my uncle whispered to me that I must kneel down and ax my + father and mother's blessing, and forgiveness for all my disobedience and + offinces towards them—and also to requist the blessing of my + brothers and sisters. Well, in a short time I was down; and my goodness! + such a hullabaloo of crying as there was in a minute's time! 'Oh, Shane + Fadh—Shane Fadh, acushla machree!' says my poor mother in Irish, + 'you're going to break up the ring about your father's hearth and mine—going + to lave us, avourneen, for ever, and we to hear your light foot and sweet + voice, morning, noon, and night, no more! Oh!' says she, 'it's you that + was the good son all out; and the good brother, too: kind and cheerful was + your voice, and full of love and affection was your heart! Shane, + avourneen dheelish, if ever I was harsh to you, forgive your poor mother, + that will never see you more on her flure as one of her own family.' + </p> + <p> + “Even my father, that wasn't much given to crying', couldn't speak, but + went over to a corner and cried till the neighbors stopped him. As for my + brothers and sisters, they were all in an uproar; and I myself cried like + a Trojan, merely bekase I see them at it. My father and mother both kissed + me, and gave me their blessing; and my brothers and sisters did the same, + while you'd think all their hearts would break. 'Come, come,' says my + uncle, 'I'll have none of this: what a hubbub you make, and your son going + to be well married—going to be joined to a girl that your betters + would be proud to get into connection with. You should have more sense, + Rose Campbell—you ought to thank God that he had the luck to come + acrass such a colleen for a wife; and that it's not going to his grave, + instead of into the arms of a purty girl—and what's better, a good + girl. So quit your blubbering, Rose; and you, Jack,' says he to my father, + 'that ought to have more sense, stop this instant. Clear off, every one of + you, out of this, and let the young boy go to his horse. Clear out, I say, + or by the powers I'll—look at them three stags of huzzies; by the + hand of my body they're blubbering bekase it's not their own story this + blessed day. Move—bounce!—and you, Rose Oge, if you're not + behind Dudley Pulton in less than no time, by the hole of my coat, I'll + marry a wife myself, and then where will the twenty guineas be that I'm to + lave you?' + </p> + <p> + “God rest his soul, and yet there was a tear in his eye all the while—even + in spite of his joking! + </p> + <p> + “Any how, it's easy knowing that there wasn't sorrow at the bottom of + their grief: for they were all now laughing at my uncle's jokes, even + while their eyes were red with the tears: my mother herself couldn't but + be in a good humor, and join her smile with the rest. + </p> + <p> + “My uncle now drove us all out before him; not, however, till my mother + had sprinkled a drop of holy water on each of us, and given me and my + brothers and sisters a small taste of blessed candle, to prevent us from + sudden death and accidents.* My father and she didn't come with as then, + but they went over to the bride's while we were all gone to the priest's + house. At last we set off in great style and spirits—I well mounted + on a good horse of my own, and my brother (On one that he had borrowed + from Peter Dannellon), fully bent on winning the bottle. I would have + borrowed him myself, but I thought it dacenter to ride my own horse + manfully, even though he never won a side of mutton or a saddle, like + Dannellon's. But the man that was most likely to come in for the bottle + was little Billy Cormick, the tailor, who rode a blood-racer that + young-John Little had wickedly lent him for the special purpose; he was a + tall bay animal, with long small legs, a switch tail, and didn't know how + to trot. Maybe we didn't cut a dash—and might have taken a town + before us. Out we set about nine o'clock, and went acrass the country: but + I'll not stop to mintion what happened some of them, even before we got to + the bride's house. It's enough to say here, that sometimes one in crassing + a stile or ditch would drop into the shough;** sometimes another would + find himself head foremost on the ground; a woman would be capsized here + in crassing a ridgy field, bringing her fore-rider to the ground along + with her; another would be hanging like a broken arch, ready to come down, + till some one would ride up and fix her on the seat. But as all this + happened in going over the fields, we expected that when we'd get out on + the king's highway there would be less danger, as we would have no ditches + or drains to crass. When we came in sight of the house, there was a + general shout of welcome from the bride's party, who were on the watch for + us: we couldn't do less nor give them back the chorus; but we had better + have let that alone, for some of the young horses took the stadh,*** + others of them capered about; the asses—the sorra choke them—that + were along with us should begin to bray, as if it was the king's birthday—and + a mule of Jack Urwin's took it into his head to stand stock still. This + brought another dozen of them to the ground; so that, between one thing or + another, we were near half an hour before we got on the march again. When + the blood-horse that the tailor rode saw the crowd and heard the shouting, + he cocked his ears, and set off with himself full speed; but before he had + got far he was without a rider, and went galloping up to the bride's + house, the bridle hangin' about his feet. Billy, however, having taken a + glass or two, wasn't to be cowed: so he came up in great blood, and swore + he would ride him to America, sooner than let the bottle be won from the + bridegroom's party. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * In many parishes of Ireland a number of small wax candles + are blessed by the priest upon Ash-Wednesday, and these are + constantly worn about the person until that day twelve + months, for the purposes mentioned above. + + ** Dyke or drain. + + *** Became restive. +</pre> + <p> + “When we arrived, there was nothing but shaking hands and kissing, and all + kinds of <i>slewsthering</i>—men kissing men—women kissing + women—and after that men and women all through other. Another + breakfast was ready for us; and here we all sat down; myself and my next + relations in the bride's house, and the others in the barn and garden; for + one house wouldn't hold the half of us. Eating, however, was all only + talk: of coorse we took some of the poteen again, and in a short time + afterwards set off along the paved road to the priest's house, to be tied + as fast as he could make us, and that was fast enough. Before we went out + to mount our horses though, there was just such a hullabaloo with the + bride and her friends as there was with myself: but my uncle soon put a + stop to it, and in five minutes had them breaking their hearts laughing. + </p> + <p> + “Bless my heart, what doings! what roasting and boiling!—and what + tribes of beggars and shulers, and vagabonds of all sorts and sizes, were + sunning themselves about the doors wishing us a thousand times long life + and happiness. There was a fiddler and piper: the piper was to stop in my + father-in-law's while we were going to be married, to keep the neighbors + that were met there shaking their toes while we were at the priest's; and + the fiddler was to come with ourselves, in order you know, to have a dance + at the priest's house, and to play for us coming and going; for there's + nothing like a taste of music when one's on for sport. As we were setting + off, ould Mary M'Quade from Kilnahushogue, who was sent for bekase she + understood charms, and had the name of being lucky, took myself aside: + 'Shane Fadh,' says she, 'you're a young man well to look upon; may God + bless you and keep you so; and there's not a doubt but there's them here + that wishes you ill—that would rather be in your shoes this blessed + day, with your young <i>colleen bawn</i>, (* Fair Girl) that will be your + wife before the sun sets, plase the heavens. There's ould Fanny Barton, + the wrinkled thief of a hag, that the Finigans axed here for the sake of + her decent son-in-law, who ran away with her daughter Betty, that was the + great beauty some years ago: her breath's not good, Shane, and many a + strange thing's said of her. Well, maybe, I know more about that nor I'm + not going to mintion, any how: more betoken that it's not for nothing the + white hare haunts the shrubbery behind her house.' + </p> + <p> + “'But what harm could she do me, Sonsy Mary?' says I—for she was + called Sonsy—'we have often sarved her one way or other.' + </p> + <p> + “Ax me no questions about her, Shane,' says she, 'don't I know what she + did to Ned Donnelly, that was to be pitied, if ever a man was to be + pitied, for as good as seven months after his marriage, until I relieved + him; was gone to a thread he was, and didn't they pay me decently for my + throuble!' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, and what am I to do, Mary?' says I, knowing very well that what + she sed was thrue enough, although I didn't wish her to see that I was + afeard. + </p> + <p> + “'Why,' says she, 'you must first exchange money with me, and then, if you + do as I bid you you may lave the rest to myself.' + </p> + <p> + “'I then took out, begad, a daicent lot of silver—say a crown or so—for + my blood was up and the money was flush—and gave it to her for which + I got a cronagh-bawn* half-penny in exchange. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * So-called from Cronebane, in the county of Wicklow, where + there is a copper mine. +</pre> + <p> + “'Now,' says she, 'Shane, you must keep this in your company, and for your + life and sowl, don't part wid it for nine days after your marriage; but + there's more to be done,' says she—'hould out your right knee;' so + with this she unbuttoned three buttons of my buckskins, and made me loose + the knot of my garther on the right leg. 'Now,' says she, 'if you keep + them loose till after the priest says the words, and won't let the money I + gave you go out of your company for nine days, along with something else + I'll do that you're to know nothing about, there's no fear of all their + pisthroges.'* She then pulled off her right shoe, and threw it after us + for luck. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Charms of an evil nature. These are ceremonies used by + such women, and believed to be of efficacy by the people. It + is an undoubted fact that the woman here named—and truly + named—was called in by honest Ned Donnelly, who, I believe, + is alive, and could confirm the truth of it. I remember her + well, as I do the occasion on which she was called in by Ned + or his friends. I also remember that a neighbor of ours, a + tailor named Cormick M'Elroy—father, by the way, to little + Billy Cormick, who figures so conspicuously at the wedding— + called her in to cure, by the force of charms, some cows he + had that were sick. +</pre> + <p> + “We were now all in motion once more—the bride riding behind my man, + and the bridesmaid behind myself—a fine bouncing girl she was, but + not to be mintioned in the one year with my own darlin'—in troth, it + wouldn't be aisy getting such a couple as we were the same day, though + it's myself that says it. Mary, dressed in a black castor hat, like a + man's, a white muslin coat, with a scarlet silk handkercher about her + neck, with a silver buckle and a blue ribbon, for luck, round her waist; + her fine hair wasn't turned up, at all at all, but hung down in beautiful + curls on her shoulders; her eyes, you would think, were all light; her + lips as plump and as ripe as cherries—and maybe it's myself that + wasn't to that time o' day without tasting them, any how; and her teeth, + so even, and as white as a burned bone. The day bate all for beauty; I + don't know whether it was from the lightness of my own spirit it came, + but, I think, that such a day I never saw from that to this; indeed, I + thought everything was dancing and smiling about me, and sartinly every + one said, that such a couple hadn't been married, nor such a wedding seen + in the parish for many a long year before. + </p> + <p> + “All the time, as we went along, we had the music; but then at first we + were mightily puzzled what to do with the fiddler. To put him as a hind + rider it would prevent him from playing, bekase how could he keep the + fiddle before him and another so close to him? To put him foremost was as + bad, for he couldn't play and hould the bridle together; so at last my + uncle proposed that he should get behind himself, turn his face to the + horse's tail, and saw away like a Trojan. + </p> + <p> + “It might be about four miles or so to the priest's house, and, as the day + was fine, we' got on gloriously. One thing, however, became troublesome; + you see there was a cursed set of ups and downs on the road, and as the + riding coutrements were so bad with a great many of the weddiners, those + that had no saddles, going down steep places, would work onward bit by + bit, in spite of all they could do, till they'd be fairly on the horse's + neck, and the women behind them would be on the animal's shoulders; and it + required nice managing to balance themselves, for they might as well sit + on the edge of a dale board. Many of them got tosses this way, though it + all passed in good humor. But no two among the whole set were more puzzled + by this than my uncle and the fiddler—I think I see my uncle this + minute with his knees sticking into the horse's shoulders, and his two + hands upon his neck, keeping himself back, with a <i>cruiht</i>* upon him, + and the fiddler with his heels away, towards the horse's tail, and he + stretched back against my uncle, for all the world like two bricks laid + against one another, and one of them falling. 'Twas the same thing going + up a hill; whoever was behind, would be hanging over the horse's tail, + with the arm about the fore-rider's neck or body, and the other houlding + the baste by the mane, to keep them both from sliding off backwards. Many + a come-down there was among them—but, as I said, it was all in good + humor; and, accordingly, as regularly as they fell, they were sure to get + a cheer. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The hump, which constitutes a round-shouldered man. If the + reader has ever seen Hogarth's Illustrations of Hudibras, + and remembers the redoubtable hero as he sits on horseback, + he will be at no loss in comprehending what a cruiht means. + <i>Cruiht</i> is the Irish for harp, and the simile is taken from + the projection between the shoulders of the harper which was + caused by carrying that instrument. +</pre> + <p> + “When we got to the priest's house, there was a hearty welcome for us all. + The bride and I, with our next kindred and friends, went into the parlor; + along with these, there was a set of young fellows, who had been bachelors + of the bride's, that got in with an intention of getting the first kiss* + and, in coorse, of bating myself out of it. I got a whisper of this; so by + my song, I was determined to cut them all out in that, as well as I did in + getting herself; but you know, I couldn't be angry, even if they had got + the foreway of me in it, bekase it's an ould custom. While the priest was + going over the business, I kept my eye about me, and sure enough, there + were seven or eight fellows all waiting to snap at her. When the ceremony + drew near a close, I got up on one leg, so that I could bounce to my feet + like lightning, and when it was finished, I got her in my arm, before you + could say Jack Robinson, and swinging her behind the priest, gave her the + husband's first kiss. The next minute there was a rush after her; but, as + I had got the first, it was but fair that they should come in according as + they could, I thought, bekase, you know, it was all in the coorse of + practice; but, hould, there were two words to be said to that, for what + does Father Dollard do but shoves them off, and a fine stout shoulder he + had—shoves them off, like childre, and getting his arms about Mary, + gives her half a dozen smacks at least—oh, consuming to the one less—that + mine was only a cracker** to. The rest, then, all kissed her, one after + another, according as they could come in to get one. We then went straight + to his Reverence's barn, which had been cleared out for us the day before, + by his own directions, where we danced for an hour or two, his Reverence + and his Curate along with us. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * There is always a struggle for this at an Irish wedding, + where every man is at liberty—even the priest himself—to + anticipate the bridegroom if he can. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ** Cracker is the small, hard cord which is tied to a rustic + whip, in order to make it crack. When a man is considered to + be inferior to another in anything, the people say, “he + wouldn't make a cracker to his whip.” + </pre> + <p> + “When this was over we mounted again, the fiddler taking his ould + situation behind my uncle. You know it is usual, after getting the knot + tied, to go to a public-house or shebeen, to get some refreshment after + the journey; so, accordingly, we went to little lame Larry Spooney's—grandfather + to him that was transported the other day for staling Bob Beaty's sheep; + he was called Spooney himself, for his sheep-stealing, ever since Paddy + Keenan made the song upon him, ending with 'his house never wants a good + ram-horn spoon;' so that let people say what they will, these things run + in the blood—well, we went to his shebeen house, but the tithe of us + couldn't get into it; so we sot on the green before the door, and, by my + song, we took (* drank) dacently with him, any how; and, only for my + uncle, it's odds but we would have been all fuddled. + </p> + <p> + “It was now that I began to notish a kind of coolness between my party and + the bride's, and for some time I didn't know what to make of it—I + wasn't long so, however; for my uncle, who still had his eye about him, + comes over to me, and says, 'Shane, I doubt there will be bad work amongst + these people, particularly betwixt the Dorans and the Flannagans—the + truth is, that the old business of the law-shoot will break out, except + they're kept from drink, take my word for it, there will be blood spilled. + The running for the bottle will be a good excuse,' says he, 'so I think we + had better move home before they go too far in the drink.' + </p> + <p> + “Well, any way, there was truth in this; so, accordingly, the reckoning + was ped, and, as this was the thrate of the weddiners to the bride and + bridegroom, every one of the men clubbed his share, but neither I nor the + girls anything. Ha—ha—ha! Am I alive at all? I never—ha—ha—ha—!—I + never laughed so much in one day as I did in that, today I can't help + laughing at it yet. Well, well! when we all got on the top of our horses, + and sich other iligant cattle as we had—the crowning of a king was + nothing to it. We were now purty well I thank you, as to liquor; and, as + the knot was tied, and all safe, there was no end to our good spirits; so, + when we took the road, the men were in high blood, particularly Billy + Cormick, the tailor, who had a pair of long cavalry spurs upon him, that + he was scarcely able to walk in—and he not more nor four feet high. + The women, too, were in blood, having faces upon them, with the hate of + the day and the liquor, as full as trumpeters. + </p> + <p> + “There was now a great jealousy among thim that were bint for winning the + bottle; and when one horseman would cross another, striving to have the + whip hand of him when they'd set off, why you see, his horse would get a + cut of the whip itself for his pains. My uncle and I, however, did all we + could to pacify them; and their own bad horsemanship, and the screeching + of the women, prevented any strokes at that time. Some of them were + ripping up ould sores against one another as they went along; others, + particularly the youngsters, with their sweethearts behind them, coorting + away for the life of them, and some might be heard miles off, singing and + laughing; and you may be sure the fiddler behind my uncle wasn't idle, no + more nor another. In this way we dashed on gloriously, till we came in + sight of the Dumb-hill, where we were to start for the bottle. And now you + might see the men themselves on their saddles, sacks and suggans; and the + women tying kerchiefs and shawls about their caps and bonnets, to keep + them from flying off, and then gripping their fore-riders hard and fast by + the bosoms. When we got to the Dumb-hill, there were five or six fellows + that didn't come with us to the priest's, but met us with cudgels in their + hands, to prevent any of them from starting before the others, and to show + fair play. + </p> + <p> + “Well, when they were all in a lump,—horses, mules, raheries, and + asses—some, as I said, with saddles, some with none; and all jist as + I tould you before;—the word was given and off they scoured, myself + along with the rest; and divil be off me, if ever I saw such another sight + but itself before or since. Off they skelped through thick and thin, in a + cloud of dust like a mist about us; but it was a mercy that the life + wasn't trampled out of some of us; for before we had gone fifty perches, + the one-third of them were sprawling a-top of one another on the road. As + for the women, they went down right and left—sometimes bringing the + horsemen with them; and many of the boys getting black eyes and bloody + noses on the stones. Some of them, being half blind with the motion of the + whiskey, turned off the wrong way, and galloped on, thinking they had + completely distanced the crowd; and it wasn't until they cooled a bit that + they found out their mistake. + </p> + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0005" id="linkimage-0005"> + <!-- IMG --></a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img src="images/page698.jpg" + alt="Page 698-- How he Kept his Sate So Long Has Puzzled Me " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + “But the best sport of all was, when they came to the Lazy Corner, just at + Jack Gallagher's flush,* where the water came out a good way acrass the + road; being in such a flight, they either forgot or didn't know how to + turn the angle properly, and plash went above thirty of them, coming down + right on the top of one another, souse in the pool. By this time there was + about a dozen of the best horsemen a good distance before the rest, + cutting one another up for the bottle: among these were the Dorans and + Flanagans; but they, you see, wisely enough, dropped their women at the + beginning, and only rode single. I myself didn't mind the bottle, but kept + close to Mary, for fraid that among sich a divil's pack of half-mad + fellows, anything might happen her. At any rate, I was next the first + batch: but where do you think the tailor was all this time? Why away off + like lightning, miles before them—flying like a swallow: and how he + kept his sate so long has puzzled me from that day to this; but, any how, + truth's best—there he was topping the hill ever so far before them. + After all, the unlucky crathur nearly missed the bottle; for when he + turned to the bride's house, instead of pulling up as he ought to do—why, + to show his horsemanship to the crowd that was out looking at them, he + should begin to cut up the horse right and left, until he made him take + the garden ditch in full flight, landing him among the cabbages. About + four yards or five from the spot where the horse lodged himself was a + well, and a purty deep one, by my word; but not a sowl present could tell + what become of the tailor, until Owen Smith chanced to look into the well, + and saw his long spurs just above the water; so he was pulled up in a + purty pickle, not worth the washing; but what did he care? although he had + a small body, the sorra one of him but had a sowl big enough for Golias or + Sampson the Great. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Flush is a pool of water that spreads nearly across a + road. It is usually fed by a small mountain stream, and in + consequence of rising and falling rapidly, it is called + “Flash.” + </pre> + <p> + “As soon as he got his eyes clear, right or wrong, he insisted on getting + the bottle: but he was late, poor fellow, for before he got out of the + garden, two of them comes up—Paddy Doran and Peter Flanagan—cutting + one another to pieces, and not the length of your nail between them. Well, + well, that was a terrible day, sure enough. In the twinkling of an eye + they were both off the horses, the blood streaming from their bare heads, + struggling to take the bottle from my father, who didn't know which of + them to give it to. He knew if he'd hand it to one, the other would take + offince, and then he was in a great puzzle, striving to raison with them; + but long Paddy Doran caught it while he was spaking to Flanagan, and the + next instant Flanagan measured him with a heavy loaded whip, and left, him + stretched upon the stones.—And now the work began: for by this time + the friends of both parties came up and joined them. Such knocking down, + such roaring among the men, and screeching and clapping of hands and + wiping of heads among the women, when a brother, or a son, or a husband + would get his gruel! Indeed, out of a fair, I never saw anything to come + up to it. But during all this work, the busiest man among the whole set + was the tailor, and what was worst of all for the poor creature, he should + single himself out against both parties, bekase you see he thought they + were cutting him out of his right to the bottle. + </p> + <p> + “They had now broken up the garden gate for weapons, all except one of the + posts, and fought into the garden; when nothing should sarve Billy, but to + take up the large heavy post, as if he could destroy the whole faction on + each side. Accordingly he came up to big Matthew Flanagan, and was rising + it just as if he'd fell him, when Matt, catching him by the nape of the + neck, and the waistband of the breeches, went over very quietly, and + dropped him a second time, heels up, into the well; where he might have + been yet, only for my mother-in-law, who dragged him out with a great deal + to do: for the well was too narrow to give him room to turn. + </p> + <p> + “As for myself and all my friends, as it happened to be my own wedding, + and at our own place, we couldn't take part with either of them; but we + endeavored all in our power to red (* Pacify or separate) them, and a + tough task we had of it, until we saw a pair of whips going hard and fast + among them, belonging to Father Corrigan and Father James, his curate. + Well, its wonderful how soon a priest can clear up a quarrel! In five + minutes there wasn't a hand up—instead of that they were ready to + run into mice-holes:— + </p> + <p> + “'What, you murderers,' says his Reverence, 'are you bint to have each + other's blood upon your heads; ye vile infidels, ye cursed unchristian + Anthemtarians?* are ye going to get yourself hanged like sheep-stalers? + down with your sticks, I command you: do you know—will you give + yourselves time to see who's spaking to you—you bloodthirsty set of + Episcopalians? I command you, in the name of the Catholic Church and the + Blessed Virgin Mary, to stop this instant, if you don't wish me,' says he, + 'to turn you into stocks and stones where you stand, and make world's + wonders of you as long as you live.—Doran, if you rise your hand + more, I'll strike it dead on your body, and to your mouth you'll never + carry it while you have breath in your carcass,' says he.—'Clear + off, you Flanagans, you butchers you—or by St. Domnick I'll turn the + heads round upon your bodies, in the twinkling of an eye, so that you'll + not be able to look a quiet Christian in the face again. Pretty respect + you have for the decent couple at whose house you have kicked up such a + hubbub. Is this the way people are to be deprived of their dinners on your + accounts, you fungaleering thieves!' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Antitrinitarians; the peasantry are often extremely fond + of hard and long words, which they call tall English. +</pre> + <p> + “'Why then, plase your Riverence, by the—hem—I say Father + Corrigan, it wasn't my fault, but that villain Flanagan's, for he knows I + fairly won the bottle—and would have distanced him, only that when I + was far before him, the vagabone, he galloped across me on the way, + thinking to thrip up the horse.' + </p> + <p> + “'You lying scoundrel,' says the priest, 'how dare you tell me a falsity,' + says he, 'to my face? how could he gallop acrass you if you were far + before him? Not a word more, or I'll leave you without a mouth to your + face, which will be a double share of provision and bacon saved any way. + And, Flanagan, you were as much to blame as he, and must be chastised for + your raggamuffianly conduct,' says he, 'and so must you both, and all your + party, particularly you and be, as the ringleaders. Right well I know it's + the grudge upon the lawsuit you had and not the bottle, that occasioned + it: but by St. Peter, to Loughderg both of you must tramp for this.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ay, and by St. Pether, they both desarve it as well as a thief does the + gallows,' said a little blustering voice belonging to the tailor, who came + forward in a terrible passion, looking for all the world like a drowned + rat. 'Ho, by St. Pether, they do, the vagabones; for it was myself that + won the bottle, your Reverence; and by this and by that,' says he, 'the + bottle I'll have, or some of their crowns, will crack for it: blood or + whiskey I'll have, your Reverence, and I hope that you'll assist me. + </p> + <p> + “'Why, Billy, are you here?' says Father Corrigan, smiling down upon the + figure the little fellow cut, with his long spurs and his big whip; 'what + in the world tempted you to get on horseback, Billy?' + </p> + <p> + “'By the powers, I was miles before them,' says Billy; 'and after this + day, your Reverence, let no man say that I couldn't ride a steeplechase + across Crocknagooran.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, Billy, how did you stick on at all, at all?' says his Reverence. + </p> + <p> + “'How do I know how I stuck on?' says Billy, 'nor whether I stuck on at + all or not; all I know is, that I was on horseback leaving the Dumb-hill, + and that I found them pulling me by the heels out of the well in the + corner of the garden—and that, your Reverence, when the first was + only topping the hill there below, as Lanty Magowran tells me who was + looking on.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, Billy,' says Father Corrigan, 'you must get the bottle; and as for + you Dorans and Flanagans, I'll make examples of you for this day's work—that + you may reckon on. You are a disgrace to the parish, and, what's more, a + disgrace to your priest. How can luck or grace attind the marriage of any + young couple that there's such work at? Before you leave this, you must + all shake hands, and promise never to quarrel with each other while grass + grows or water runs; and if you don't, by the blessed St. Domnick, I'll + exkimnicate* ye both, and all belonging to you into the bargain; so that + ye'll be the pitiful examples and shows to all that look upon you.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Excommunicate. It is generally pronounced as above by the people. +</pre> + <p> + “'Well, well, your Reverence,' says my father-in-law, 'let all by-gones be + by-gones; and please God, they will, before they go, be better friends + than ever they were. Go now an' clane yourselves, take the blood from + about your faces, for the dinner's ready an hour agone; but if you all + respect the place you're in, you'll show it, in regard of the young + crathurs that's going, in the name of God, to face the world together, and + of coorse wishes that this day at laste should pass in pace and quietness: + little did I think there was any friend or neighbor here that would make + so little of the place or people, as was done for nothing at all, in the + face of the country.' + </p> + <p> + “'God he sees,' says my mother-in-law, 'that there's them here this day we + didn't desarve this from, to rise such a <i>norration</i>, as if the house + was a shebeen or a public-house! It's myself didn't think either me or my + poor coolleen here, not to mention the dacent people she's joined to, + would be made so little of, as to have our place turned into a play-acthur—for + a play-acthur couldn't be worse.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' says my uncle, 'there's no help for spilt milk, I tell you, nor + for spilt blood either; tare-an-ounty, sure we're all Irishmen, relations, + and Catholics through other, and we oughtn't to be this way. Come away to + the dinner—by the powers, we'll duck the first man that says a loud + word for the remainder of the day. Come, Father Corrigan, and carve the + goose, or the geese, for us—for, by my sannies, I bleeve there's a + baker's dozen of them; but we've plenty of Latin for them, and your + Reverence and Father James here understands that langidge, any how—larned + enough there, I think, gintlemen.' + </p> + <p> + “'That's right, Brian,' shouts the tailor—'that's right; there must + be no fighting: by the powers, the first man attempts it, I'll brain him—fell + him to the earth like an ox, if all belonging to him was in my way.' + </p> + <p> + “This threat from the tailor went farther, I think, in putting them into + good humor nor even what the priest said. They then washed and claned + themselves, and accordingly went to their dinners.—Billy himself + marched with his terrible whip in his hand, and his long cavalry spurs + sticking near ten inches behind him, draggled to the tail like a bantling + cock after a shower. But, maybe, there was more draggled tails and bloody + noses nor poor Billy's, or even nor was occasioned by the fight; for after + Father Corrigan had come, several of them dodged up, some with broken + shins and heads and wet clothes, that they'd got on the way by the + mischances of the race, particularly at the Flush. But I don't know how it + was; somehow the people in them days didn't value these things a straw. + They were far hardier then nor they are now, and never went to law at all + at all. Why, I've often known skulls to be broken, and the people to die + afterwards, and there would be nothing more about it, except to brake + another skull or two for it; but neither crowner's quest, nor judge, nor + jury, was ever troubled at all about it. And so sign's on it, people were + then innocent, and not up to law and counsellors as they are now. If a + person happened to be killed in a fight at a fair or market, why he had + only to appear after his death to one of his friends, and get a number of + masses offered up for his sowl, and all was right; but now the times are + clane altered, and there's nothing but hanging and transporting for such + things; although that won't bring the people to life again.” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose,” said Andy Morrow, “you had a famous dinner, Shane?” + </p> + <p> + “'Tis you that may say that, Mr. Morrow,” replied Shane: “but the house, + you see, wasn't able to hould one-half of us; so there was a dozen or two + tables borrowed from the neighbors and laid one after another in two rows, + on the green, beside the river that ran along the garden-hedge, side by + side. At one end Father Corrigan sat, with Mary and myself, and Father + James at the other. There were three five-gallon kegs of whiskey, and I + ordered my brother to take charge of them; and there he sat beside them, + and filled the bottles as they were wanted—bekase, if he had left + that job to strangers, many a spalpeen there would make away with lots of + it. Mavrone, such a sight as the dinner was! I didn't lay my eye on the + fellow of it since, sure enough, and I'm now an ould man, though I was + then a young one. Why there was a pudding boiled in the end of a sack; and + troth it was a thumper, only for the straws—for you see, when they + were making it, they had to draw long straws acrass in order to keep, it + from falling asunder—a fine plan it is, too. Jack M'Kenna, the + carpenther, carved it with a hand-saw, and if he didn't curse the same + straws, I'm not here. 'Draw them out, Jack,' said Father Corrigan—'draw + them out.—It's asy known, Jack, you never ate a polite dinner, you + poor awkward spalpeen, or you'd have pulled out the straws the first thing + you did, man alive.' + </p> + <p> + “Such lashins of corned beef, and rounds of beef, and legs of mutton, and + bacon—turkeys and geese, and barn-door fowls, young and fat. They + may talk as they will, but commend me to a piece of good ould bacon, ate + with crock butther, and phaties, and cabbage. Sure enough, they leathered + away at everything, but this and the pudding were the favorites. Father + Corrigan gave up the carving in less than no time, for it would take him + half a day to sarve them all, and he wanted to provide for number one. + After helping himself, he set my uncle to it, and maybe he didn't slash + away right and left. There was half a dozen gorsoons carrying about the + beer in cans, with froth upon it like barm—but that was beer in + airnest, Nancy—I'll say no more.” + </p> + <p> + “When the dinner was over, you would think there was as much left as would + sarve a regiment; and sure enough, a right hungry ragged regiment was + there to take care of it—though, to tell the truth, there was as + much taken into Finigan's as would be sure to give us all a rousing + supper. Why, there was such a troop of beggars—men, women, and + childher, sitting over on the sunny side of the ditch, as would make short + work of the whole dinner, had they got it. Along with Father Corrigan and + me, was my father and mother, and Mary's parents; my uncle, cousins, and + nearest relations on both sides. Oh, it's Father Corrigan, God rest his + sowl, he's now in glory, and so he was then, also—how he did crow + and laugh! 'Well, Matthew Finigan,' says-he, 'I can't say but I'm happy + that your Colleen Bawn here has lit upon a husband that's no discredit to + the family—and it is herself didn't drive her pigs to a bad market,' + says he. 'Why, in troth, Father avourneen,' says my mother-in law, 'they'd + be hard to plase that couldn't be satisfied with them she got; not saying + but she had her pick and choice of many a good offer, and might have got + richer matches; but Shane Fadh M'Cawell although you're sitting there + beside my daughter, I'm prouder to see you on my own flure, the husband of + my child, nor if she'd got a man with four times your substance.' + </p> + <p> + “'Never heed the girls for knowing where to choose,' says his Reverence, + slyly enough: 'but, upon my word, only she gave us all the slip, to tell + the truth, I had another husband than Shane in my eye for her, and that + was my own nevvy, Father James's brother here.' + </p> + <p> + “'And I'd be proud of the connection,' says my father-in-law, 'but you + see, these girls won't look much to what you or I'll say, in choosin' a + husband for themselves. How-and-iver, not making little of your nevvy, + Father Michael, I say he's not to be compared with that same bouchal + sitting beside Mary there.' + </p> + <p> + “'No, nor by the powdhers-o-war, never will,' says Billy M'Cormick the + tailor, who had come over and slipped in on the other side betune Father + Corrigan and the bride—'by the powdhers-o' war, he'll never be fit + to be compared with me, I tell you, till yesterday comes back again.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, Billy,' says the priest, 'you're every place.' 'But where I ought + to be!' says Billy; 'and that's hard and fast tackled to Mary Bane, the + bride here, instead of that steeple of a fellow she has got,' says the + little cock. + </p> + <p> + “'Billy, I thought you were married,' said Father Corrigan. + </p> + <p> + “'Not I, your Reverence,' says Billy;' but I'll soon do something, Father + Michael—I have been threatening this longtime, but I'll do it at + last' + </p> + <p> + “'He's not exactly married, Sir, says my uncle 'but there's a colleen + present' (looking at the bridesmaid) 'that will soon have his name upon + her.' + </p> + <p> + “'Very good, Billy,' says the priest, 'I hope you will give us a rousing + wedding-equal, at least, to Shane Fadh's.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why then, your Reverence, except I get sich a darling as Molly Bane, + here—and by this and that, it's you that is the darling Molly + asthore—what come over me, at all at all, that I didn't think of + you,' says the little man, drawing close to her, and poor Mary smiling + good-naturedly at his spirit. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, and what if you did get such a darling as Molly Bane, there?' says + his Reverence. + </p> + <p> + “'Why, except I get the likes of her for a wife—upon second + thoughts, I don't like marriage, any way,' said Billy, winking against the + priest—'I lade such a life as your Reverence; and by the powdhers, + it's a thousand pities that I wasn't made into a priest, instead of a + tailor. For, you see, if I had' says he, giving a verse of an old song— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + 'For you see, if I had, + It's I'd be the lad + That would show all my people such larning; + And when they'd do wrong, + Why, instead of a song, + I'd give them a lump of a sarmin.' +</pre> + <p> + “'Billy,' says my father-in-law, 'why don't you make a hearty dinner, man + alive? go back to your sate and finish your male—you're aiting + nothing to signify.' 'Me!' says Billy—'why, I'd scorn to ate a + hearty dinner; and, I'd have you to know, Matt Finigan, that it wasn't for + the sake of your dinner I came here, but in regard to your family, and + bekase I wished him well that's sitting beside your daughter: and it ill + becomes your father's son to cast up your dinner in my face, or any one of + my family; but a blessed minute longer I'll not stay among you. Give me + your hand, Shane Fadh, and you, Mary—may goodness grant you pace and + happiness every night and day you both rise out of your beds. I made that + coat your husband has on his back beside you—and a, betther fit was + never made; but I didn't think it would come to my turn to have my dinner + cast up this a-way, as if I was aiting it for charity.' + </p> + <p> + “'Hut, Billy,' says I, 'sure it was all out of kindness; he didn't mane to + offind you.' + </p> + <p> + “'It's no matter,' says Billy, beginning to cry, 'he did offend me; and + it's, low days with me to bear an affront from him, or the likes of him; + but by the powdhers-o'-war,' says he, getting into a great rage, 'I won't + bear it,—only as you're an old man yourself, I'll not rise my hand + to you; but, let any man now that has the heart to take up your quarrel, + come out and stand before me on the sod here.' + </p> + <p> + “Well, by this time, you'd tie all that were present with three straws, to + see Billy stripping himself, and his two wrists not thicker than + drumsticks. While the tailor was raging, for he was pretty well up with + what he had taken, another person made his appearance at the far end of + the boreen* that led to the green where we sot. He was mounted upon the + top of a sack that was upon the top of a sober-looking baste enough—God + knows; he jogging along at his ase, his legs dangling down from the sack + on each side, and the long skirts of his coat hanging down behind him. + Billy was now getting pacified, bekase they gave way to him a little; so + the fun went round, and they sang, roared, danced, and coorted, right and + left. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * A small pathway or bridle road leading to a farm-house. +</pre> + <p> + “When the stranger came as far as the skirt of the green, he turned the + horse over quite nathural to the wedding; and, sure enough, when he jogged + up, it was Friar Rooney himself, with a sack of oats, for he had been <i>questin</i>.* + Well, sure the ould people couldn't do less nor all go over to put the <i>failtah</i>** + on him. 'Why, then,' says my father and mother-in-law, ''tis yourself, + Friar Rooney, that's as welcome as the flowers of May; and see who's here + before you—Father Corrigan, and Father Dollard.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Questin—When an Irish priest or friar collects corn or + money from the people in a gratuitous manner, the act is + called “questin.” + + ** Welcome. +</pre> + <p> + “'Thank you, thank you, Molshy—thank you, Matthew—troth, I + know that 'tis I am welcome.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ay, and you're welcome again, Father Rooney,' said my father, going down + and shaking hands with him, 'and I'm proud to see you here. Sit down, your + Reverence—here's everything that's good, and plinty of it, and if + you don't make much of yourself, never say an ill fellow dealt with you.' + </p> + <p> + “The friar stood while my father was speaking, with a pleasant, contented + face upon him, only a little roguish and droll. + </p> + <p> + “'Hah! Shane Fadh,' says he, smiling dryly at me, 'you did them all, I + see. You have her there, the flower of the parish, blooming beside you; + but I knew as much six months ago, ever since I saw you bid her good-night + at the hawthorn. Who looked back so often, Mary, eh? Ay, laugh and blush—do—throth, + 'twas I that caught you, but you didn't see me, though. Well, a colleen, + and if you did, too, you needn't be ashamed of your bargain, any how. You + see, the way I came to persave yez that evening was this—but I'll + tell it, by and by. In the mane time,' says he, sitting down and attacking + a fine piece of corn-beef and greens, 'I'll take care of a certain + acquaintance of mine,' says he. 'How are you, reverend gintlemen of the + Secularily? You'll permit a poor friar to sit and ate his dinner, in your + presence, I humbly hope.' + </p> + <p> + “'Frank,' says Father Corrigan, 'lay your hand upon your conscience, or + upon your stomach, which is the same thing, and tell us honestly, how many + dinners you eat on your travels among my parishioners this day.' + </p> + <p> + “'As I'm a sinner, Michael, this is the only thing to be called a dinner I + eat this day;—Shane Fadh—Mary, both your healths, and God + grant you all kinds of luck and happiness, both here and hereafter! All + your healths in gineral! gintlemen seculars!' + </p> + <p> + “'Thank you, Frank,' said Father Corrigan; how did you speed to-day?' + </p> + <p> + “'How can any man speed, that comes after you?' says the Friar; 'I'm after + travelling the half of the parish for that poor bag of oats that you see + standing against the ditch.' + </p> + <p> + “'In other words, Frank,' says the Priest, 'you took Allhadhawan in your + way, and in about half a dozen houses filled your sack, and then turned + your horse's head towards the good cheer, by way of accident only.' + </p> + <p> + “'And was it by way of accident, Mr. Secular, that I got you and that + illoquent young gintleman, your curate, here before me? Do you feel that, + man of the world? Father James, your health, though—you're a good + young man as far as saying nothing goes; but it's better to sit still than + to rise up and fall, so I commend you for your discretion,' says he; 'but + I'm afeared your master there won't make you much fitter for the kingdom + of heaven any how.' + </p> + <p> + “'I believe, Father Corrigan,' says my uncle, who loved to see the priest + and the friar at it, 'that you've met with your match—I think Father + Rooney's able for you.' + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, sure,' says Father Corrigan, he was joker to the college of the + Sorebones (* Sorbonne) in Paris; he got as much education as enabled him + to say mass in Latin, and to beg oats in English, for his jokes.' + </p> + <p> + “'Troth, and,' says the friar, 'if you were to get your larning on the + same terms, you'd be guilty of very little knowledge; why, Michael, I + never knew you to attempt a joke but once, and I was near shedding tears, + there was something so very sorrowful in it.' + </p> + <p> + “This brought the laugh against the priest—'Your health, Molshy,' + says he, winking at my mother-in-law, and then giving my uncle, who sat + beside him, a nudge; 'I believe, Brian, I'm giving it to him.' ''Tis + yourself that is,' says my uncle; 'give him a wipe or two more.' 'Wait + till he answers the last,' says the friar. + </p> + <p> + “'He's always joking,' says Father James, 'when he thinks he'll make any + thing by it.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ah!' says the friar, 'then God help you both if you were left to your + jokes for your feeding; for a poorer pair of gentlemen wouldn't be found + in Christendom.' + </p> + <p> + “'And I believe,' says Father Corrigan, 'if you depinded for your feeding + upon your divinity instead of your jokes, you'd be as poor as a man in the + last stage of a consumption.' + </p> + <p> + “This drew the laugh against the friar, who smiled himself; but he was a + dry man that never laughed much. + </p> + <p> + “'Sure,' says the friar, who was seldom at a loss, 'I have yourself and + your nephew for examples that it's possible to live and be well fed + without divinity.' + </p> + <p> + “'At any rate,' says my uncle, putting in his tongue, 'I think you're both + very well able to make divinity a joke betune you,' says he. + </p> + <p> + “'Well done, Brian,' says the friar, 'and so they are, for I believe it is + the only subject they can joke upon! and I beg your pardon, Michael, for + not excepting it before; on that subject I allow you to be humorsome.' + </p> + <p> + “'If that be the case, then,' says Father Corrigan, 'I must give up your + company, Frank, in order to avoid the force of bad example; for you're so + much in the habit of joking on everything else, that you're not able to + accept even divinity itself.' + </p> + <p> + “'You may aisily give me up,' says the friar, 'but how will you be able to + forget Father Corrigan? I'm afeard you'll find his acquaintance as great a + detriment to yourself, as it is to others in that respect.' + </p> + <p> + “'What makes you say,' says Father James, who was more in airnest than the + rest, 'that my uncle won't make me fit for the kingdom of heaven?' + </p> + <p> + “'I had a pair of rasons for it, Jemmy,' says the friar; 'one is, that he + doesn't understand the subject himself; another is, that you haven't + capacity for it, even if he did. You've a want of natural parts—a <i>whackuuum</i> + here' pointing to his forehead. + </p> + <p> + “'I beg your pardon, Frank,' says Father James 'I deny your premises, and + I'll now argue in Latin with you, if you wish, upon any subject you + please.' + </p> + <p> + “'Come, then,' says the friar,—'Kid eat ivy mare eat hay.' + </p> + <p> + “'Kid—what?' says the other. + </p> + <p> + “'Kid eat ivy mare eat hay,' answers the friar. + </p> + <p> + “'I don't know what you're at,' says Father James, 'but I'll argue in + Latin with you as long as you wish.' + </p> + <p> + “'Tut man,' says Father Rooney, 'Latin's for school-boys; but come, now, + I'll take you in another language—I'll try you in Greek—<i>In-mud-eel-is + in-clay-none-is in-fir-tar-is in-oak-no ne-is</i>.' + </p> + <p> + “The curate looked at him, amazed, not knowing what answer to make. At + last says he, 'I don't profess to know Greek, bekase I never larned it—but + stick to the Latin, and I'm not afeard of you.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, then,' says the friar, 'I'll give you a trial at that—Afflat + te canis ter—Forte dux fel flat in guttur.' + </p> + <p> + “'A flat tay-canisther—Forty ducks fell flat in the gutthers!' says + Father James,—'why that's English!' + </p> + <p> + “'English!' says the friar, 'oh, good-bye to you, Mr. Secular; 'if that's + your knowledge of Latin, you're an honor to your tachers and to your + cloth.' + </p> + <p> + “Father Corrigan now laughed heartily at the puzzling the friar gave + Father James. 'James,' says he, 'never heed him; he's only pesthering you + with bog-Latin; but, at any rate to do him justice, he's not a bad + Scholar, I can tell you that.... Your health, Prank, you droll crathur—your + health. I have only one fault to find with you, and that is, that you fast + and mortify yourself too much. Your fasting has reduced you from being + formerly a friar of very genteel dimensions to a cut of corpulency that + smacks strongly of penance—fifteen stone at least. + </p> + <p> + “'Why,' says the friar, looking down quite plased, entirely, at the cut of + his own waist, Uch, among ourselves, was no trifle, and giving a growl of + a laugh—the most he ever gave, 'if what you pray here benefits you + in the <i>next life</i> as much as what <i>I fast</i> does for me <i>in + this</i>, it will be well for the world in general Michael.' + </p> + <p> + “'How can you say, Frank,' says Father 'with such a carkage as that, + you're a poor friar? Upon my credit, when you die, I think the angels will + have a job of it in wafting you upwards.” + </p> + <p> + “'Jemmy, man, was it <i>you</i> that said it?—why, my light's + beginning to shine upon you, or you never could have got out so much,' + says Father Rooney, putting his hands over his brows, and looking up + toardst him; 'but if you ever read scripthur, which I suppose you're not + overburdened with, you would know that it says, “Blessed are the poor in + spirit,” but not blessed are the poor in flesh—now, mine is + spiritual poverty.' + </p> + <p> + “'Very true, Frank,' says Father Corrigan, 'I believe there's a great + dearth and poverty of spirituality about you, sure enough. But of all + kinds of poverty, commend me to a friar's. Voluntary poverty's something, + but it's the divil entirely for a man to be poor against his will. You + friars boast of this voluntary poverty; but if there's a fat bit in any + part of the parish, we, that are the lawful clargy, can't eat it, but + you're sure to drop in, just in the nick of time, with your voluntary + poverty.' + </p> + <p> + “'I'm sure, if we do,' says the friar, 'it's nothing out of your pocket, + Michael. I declare I believe you begrudge us the air we breathe. But don't + you know very well that our ordhers are apostolic, and that, of coorse, we + have a more primitive appearance than you have.' + </p> + <p> + “'No such thing,' says the other; 'you, and the parsons, and the fat + bishops, are too far from the right place—the only difference + between you is, that you are fat and lazy by toleration, whereas the + others are fat and lazy by authority. You are fat and lazy on your ould + horses, jogging about from house to house, and stuffing yourselves either + at the table of other people's parishioners, or in your own convents in + Dublin and elsewhere. They are rich, bloated gluttons, going about in + their coaches, and wallying in wealth. Now, we are the golden mean, Frank, + that live upon a little, and work hard for it.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, you cormorant,' says the friar, a little nettled, for the dhrop was + beginning to get up into his head, 'sure if we're fat by toleration, we're + only tolerably fat, my worthy secular!' + </p> + <p> + “'You see,' says the friar, in a whisper to my uncle, 'how I sobered them + in the larning, and they are good scholars for all that, but not near so + deep read as myself.' 'Michael,' says he, 'now that I think on it—sure + I'm to be at Denis O'Flaherty's Month's mind on Thursday next.' + </p> + <p> + “'Indeed I would not doubt you,' says Father Corrigan; 'you wouldn't be + apt to miss it.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, the widdy Flaherty asked me yesterday, and I think that's proof + enough that I'm not going unsent for.' + </p> + <p> + “By this time the company was hard and fast at the punch, the songs, and + the dancing. The dinner had been cleared off, except what was before the + friar, who held out wonderfully, and the beggars and shulers were clawing + and scoulding one another about the divide. The dacentest of us went into + the house for a while, taking the fiddler with us, and the rest, with the + piper, staid on the green to dance, where they were soon joined by lots of + the counthry people, so that in a short time there was a large number + entirely. After sitting for some time within, Mary and I began, you may be + sure, to get unasy, sitting palavering among a parcel of ould sober folks; + so, at last, out we slipped, and the few other dacent young people that + were with us, to join the dance, and shake our toe along with the rest of + them. When we made our appearance, the flure was instantly cleared for us, + and then she and I danced the <i>Humors of Glin</i>. + </p> + <p> + “Well, it's no matter—it's all past now, and she lies low; but I may + say that it wasn't very often danced in better style since, I'd wager. + Lord, bless us, what a drame the world is! The darling of my heart you + war, avourneen machree. I think I see her with the modest smile upon her + face, straight, and fair, and beautiful, and—hem—and when the + dance was over, how she stood leaning upon me, and my heart within melting + to her, and the look she'd give into my eyes and my heart, too, as much as + to say, 'This is the happy day with me;' and the blush still would fly + acrass her face, when I'd press her, unknownst to the bystanders, against + my beating heart. A <i>suilish machree</i>, (* Light of my heart.) she is + now gone from me—lies low, and it all appears like a drame to me; + but—hem—God's will be done!—sure she's happy—och, + och!! + </p> + <p> + “Many a shake hands did I get from the neighbors' sons, wishing me joy; + and I'm sure I couldn't do less than thrate them to a glass, you know; and + 'twas the same way with Mary: many a neighbors' daughter, that she didn't + do more nor know by eyesight, maybe, would come up and wish her happiness + in the same manner, and she would say to me, 'Shane, avourneen, that's + such a man's daughter—they're a dacent friendly people, and we can't + do less nor give her a glass.' I, of coorse, would go down and bring them + over, after a little pulling—making, you see, as if they wouldn't + come—to where my brother was handing out the native. + </p> + <p> + “In this way we passed the time till the evening came on, except that Mary + and the bridesmaid were sent for to dance with the priests, who were + within at the punch, in all their glory,—Friar Rooney along with + them as jolly as a prince. I and my man, on seeing this, were for staying + with the company; but my mother, who 'twas that came for them, says, + 'Never mind the boys, Shane, come in with the girls, I say. You're just + wanted at the present time, both of you, follow me for an hour or two, + till their Reverences within have a bit of a dance with the girls, in the + back room; we don't want to gother a crowd about them.' Well, we went in, + sure enough, for awhile; but, I don't know how it was, I didn't at all + feel comfortable with the priests; for, you see, I'd rather sport my day + figure with the boys and girls upon the green: so I gives Jack <i>the hard + word</i>* and in we went, when, behold you, there was Father Corrigan + planted upon the side of a settle, Mary along with him, waiting till + they'd have the fling of a dance together, whilst the Curate was capering + on the flure before the bridesmaid, who was a purty dark-haired girl, to + the tune of 'Kiss my lady;' and the friar planted between my mother and my + mother-in-law, one of his legs stretched out on a chair, he singing some + funny song or other, that brought the tears to their eyes with laughing. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * A pass-word, sign, or brief intimation, touching something + of which a man is ignorant, that he may act accordingly. +</pre> + <p> + “Whilst Father James was dancing with the bridesmaid, I gave Mary the wink + to! come away from Father Corrigan, wishing, as I tould you, to get out + amongst the youngsters once more; and Mary, herself, to tell the truth, + although he was the priest, was very willing to do so. I went over to her, + and says, 'Mary, asthore, there's a friend without that wishes to spake to + you.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' says Father Corrigan, 'tell that friend that she's better + employed, and that they must wait, whoever they are. I'm giving your wife, + Shane,' says he, 'a little good advice that she won't be the worse for, + and she can't go now.' + </p> + <p> + “Mary, in the meantime, had got up, and was coming away, when his + Reverence wanted her to stay till they'd finished their dance. 'Father + Corrigan,' says she, 'let me go now, sir, if you plase, for they would + think it bad threatment of me not to go out to them.' + </p> + <p> + “'Troth, and you'll do no such thing, acushla,' says he, spaking so sweet + to her; 'let them come in if they want you. Shane, says his Reverence, + winking at me, and spiking in a whisper, 'stay here, you and the girls, + till we take a hate at the dancing—don't you know that the ould + women here, and me will have to talk over some things about the fortune; + you'll maybe get more nor you expect. Here, Molshy,' says he to my + mother-in-law, 'don't let the youngsters out of this.” + </p> + <p> + “'Musha, Shane, ahagur,' say's the ould woman 'why will yez go and lave + the place; sure you needn't be dashed before them—they'll dance + themselves.' + </p> + <p> + “Accordingly we stayed in the room; but just on the word, Mary gives one + spring away, leaving his Reverence by himself on the <i>settle</i>. 'Come + away,' says she, 'lave them there, and let us go to where I can have a + dance with yourself, Shane.' + </p> + <p> + “Well, I always loved Mary, but at that minute, if it would save her, I + think I could spill my heart's blood for her. 'Mary,' says I full to the + throat, 'Mary, acushla agus asthore machree,* I could lose my life for + you.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + *The very pulse and delight of my heart. +</pre> + <p> + “She looked in my face, and the tears came into her—yes—'Shane, + achora,' says she, 'amn't I your happy girl, at last?' She was leaning + over against my breast; and what answer do you think I made?—I + pressed her to my heart: I did more—I took off my hat, and looking + up to God, I thanked him with tears in my eyes, for giving me such a + treasure. 'Well, come now,' says she, 'to the green;' so we went—and + it's she that was the girl, when she did go among them, that threw them + all into the dark for beauty and figure; as fair as a lily itself did she + look—so tall and illegant, that you wouldn't think she was a + farmer's daughter at all; so we left the priests dancing away, for we + could do no good before them. + </p> + <p> + “When we had danced an hour or so, them that the family had the greatest + regard for were brought in unknown to the rest, to drink tay. Mary planted + herself beside me, and would sit nowhere else; but the friar got beside + the bridesmaid, and I surely observed that many a time she'd look over, + likely to split, at Mary, and it's Mary herself that gave her many's a + wink, to come to the other side; but, you know, out of manners, she was + obliged to sit quietly, though among ourselves it's she that was like a + hen on a hot griddle, beside the ould chap. It was now that the bride-cake + was got. Ould Sonsy Mary marched over, and putting the bride on her feet, + got up on a chair and broke it over her head, giving round a <i>fadge</i>* + of it to every young person in the house, and they again to their + acquaintances: but, lo and behold you, who should insist on getting a + whang of it but the friar, which he rolled up in a piece of paper, and put + it in his pocket. 'I'll have good fun,' says he, 'dividing this to-morrow + among the colleens when I'm collecting my oats—the sorra one of me + but I'll make them give me the worth of it of something, if it was only a + fat hen or a square of bacon.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * A liberal portion torn off a thick cake. +</pre> + <p> + “After tay the ould folk got full of talk; the youngsters danced round + them; the friar sung like a thrush, and told many a droll story. The + tailor had got drunk a little too early, and had to be put to bed, but he + was now as fresh as ever, and able to dance a hornpipe, which he did on a + door. The Dorans and the Flanagans had got quite thick after drubbing one + another—Ned Doran began his courtship with Alley Flanagan on that + day, and they were married soon after, so that the two factions joined, + and never had another battle until the day of her berrial, when they were + at it as fresh as ever. Several of those that were at the wedding were + lying drunk about the ditches, or roaring, and swaggering, and singing + about the place. The night falling, those that were dancing on the green + removed to the barn. Father Corrigan and Father James weren't ill off; but + as for the friar, although he was as pleasant as a lark, there was hardly + any such thing as making him tipsy. Father Corrigan wanted him to dance—'What!' + says he, 'would you have me to bring on an earthquake, Michael?—but + who ever heard of a follower of St. Domnick, bound by his vow to voluntary + poverty and mortification——young couple, your health—will + anybody tell mo who mixed this, for they've knowledge worth a folio of the + fathers——poverty and mortification, going to shake his heel? + By the bones of St. Domnick, I'd desarve to be suspinded if I did. Will no + one tell me who mixed this, I say, for they had a jewel of a hand at it?—Och— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + 'Let parsons prache and pray— + Let priests to pray and prache, sir; + What's the rason they + Don't practise what they tache, sir? + Forral, orral, loll, + Forral, orral, laddy— +</pre> + <p> + <i>Sho da slainthah ma collenee agus ma bouchalee</i>. Hoigh, oigh, oigh, + healths all! gintlemen seculars! Molshy,' says the friar to my + mother-in-law, 'send that bocaun* to bed—poor fellow, he's almost + off—rouse yourself, James! It's aisy to see that he's but young at + it yet—that's right—he's sound asleep—just toss him into + bed, and in an hour or so he'll be as fresh as a daisy. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * A soft, unsophisticated youth. + + Let parsons prache and pray— + ——-Forral, orral, loll.' +</pre> + <p> + “For dear's sake, Father Rooney,' says my uncle, running in, in a great + hurry, 'keep yourself quiet a little; here's the Squire and Mister Francis + coming over to fulfil their promise; he would have come up airlier, he + says, but that he was away all day at the 'sizes.' + </p> + <p> + “'Very well,' says the friar, 'let him come—who's afeard—mind + yourself, Michael.' + </p> + <p> + “In a minute or two they came in, and we all rose up of course to welcome + them. The Squire shuck hands with the ould people, and afterwards with + Mary and myself, wishing us all happiness, then with the two clergymen, + and introduced Master Frank to them; and the friar made the young chap sit + beside him. The masther then took a sate himself, and looked on while they + were dancing, with a smile of good-humor on his face—while they, all + the time, would give new touches and trebles, to show off all their steps + before him. He was landlord both to my father and father-in-law; and it's + he that was the good man, and the gintleman every inch of him. They may + all talk as they will, but commend me, Mr. Morrow, to some of the ould + squires of former times for a landlord. The priests, with all their + larning, were nothing to him for good breeding—he appeared so free, + and so much at his ase, and even so respectful, that I don't think there + was one in the house but would put their two hands under his feet to do + him a sarvice. + </p> + <p> + “When he sat a while, my mother-in-law came over with a glass of nice + punch that she had mixed, at least equal to what the friar praised so + well, and making a low curtshy, begged pardon for using such freedom with + his honor, but hoped that he would just taste a little to the happiness of + the young couple. He then drank our healths, and shuck hands with us both + a second time, saying—although I can't, at all at all, give it in + anything like his own words—'I am glad,' says he, to Mary's parents, + 'that your daughter has made such a good choice;'—throth he did—the + Lord be merciful to his sowl—God forgive me for what I was going to + say, and he a Protestant;—but if ever one of yez went to heaven, Mr. + Morrow, he did;—' such a prudent choice; and I congr—con—grathu-late + you,' says he to my father, 'on your connection with so industrious and + respectable a family. You are now beginning the world for yourselves,' + says he to Mary and me, 'and I cannot propose a better example to you both + than that of your respective parents. From this forrid,' says he, 'I'm to + considher you my tenants; and I wish to take this opportunity of informing + you both, that should you act up to the opinion I entertain of you, by an + attentive coorse of industry and good management, you will find in me an + encouraging and indulgent landlord. I know, Shane,' says he to me, smiling + a little, knowingly enough too, 'that you have been a little wild or so, + but that's past, I trust. You have now sarious duties to perform, which + you cannot neglect—but you will not neglect them; and be assured, I + say again, that I shall feel pleasure in rendhering you every assistance + in my power in the cultivation and improvement of your farm.'—'Go + over, both of you,' says my father, 'and thank his honor, and promise to + do everything he says.' Accordingly, we did so; I made my scrape as well + as I could, and Mary blushed to the eyes, and dropp'd her curtshy. + </p> + <p> + “'Ah!' says the friar, 'see what it is to have a good landlord and a + Christian gintleman to dale with. This is the feeling which should always + bind a landlord and his tenants together. If I know your character, Squire + Whitethorn, I believe you're not the man that would put a Protestant + tenant over the head of a Catholic one, which shows, sir, your own good + sense; for what is a difference of religion, when people do what they + ought to do? Nothing but the name. I trust, sir, we shall meet in a better + place than this—both Protestant and Catholic' + </p> + <p> + “'I am happy, sir,' says the Squire, 'to hear such principles from a man + who I thought was bound to hould different opinions.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ah, sir!' says the friar, 'you little know who you're talking to, if you + think so. I happened to be collecting a taste of oats, with the permission + of my friend Doctor Corrigan here, for I'm but a poor friar, sir, and + dropped in <i>by mere accident</i>; but, you know the hospitality of our + country, Squire; and that's enough—go they would not allow me, and I + was mintioning to this young gintleman, your son, how we collected the + oats, and he insisted on my calling—a generous, noble child! I hope, + sir, you have got proper instructors for him?' + </p> + <p> + “'Yes,' said the Squire; 'I'm taking care of that point.' + </p> + <p> + “What do you think, sir, but he insists on my calling over to-morrow, that + he may give me his share of oats, as I told him that I was a friar, and + that he was a little parishioner of mine: but I added, that that wasn't + right of him, without his papa's consent.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, sir,' says the Squire, 'as he has promised, I will support him; so + if you'll ride over to-morrow, you shall have a sack of oats—at all + events I shall send you a sack in the course of the day.' + </p> + <p> + “'I humbly thank you, sir,' says Father Rooney and I thank my noble little + parishioner for his generosity to the poor old friar—God mark you to + grace, my dear; and wherever you go, take the ould man's blessing along + with you.' + </p> + <p> + “They then bid us good-night, and we rose and saw them to the door. + </p> + <p> + “Father Corrigan now appeared to be getting sleepy. While this was going + on, I looked about me, but couldn't see Mary. The tailor was just + beginning to get a little hearty once more. Supper waa talked of, but + there was no one that could ate anything; even the friar, was against it. + The clergy now got their horses, the friar laving his oats behind him; for + we promised to send them home, and something more along with them the next + day. Father James was roused up, but could hardly stir with a <i>heddick</i>. + Father Corrigan was correct enough; but when the friar got up, he ran a + little to the one side, upsetting Sonsy Mary that sat a little beyond him. + He then called over my mother-in-law to the dresser, and after some + collogin (* whispering) she slipped two fat fowl, that had never been + touched, into one of his coat pockets, that was big enough to hould a leg + of mutton. My father then called me over and said, 'Shane,' says he, + 'hadn't you better slip Father Rooney a bottle or two of that whiskey; + there's plenty of it there that wasn't touched, and you won't be a bit the + poorer of it, may be, this day twelve months.' I accordingly dropped two + bottles of it into the other pocket, so that his Reverence was well + balanced any how. + </p> + <p> + “'Now,' said he, 'before I go, kneel down both of you, till I give you my + benediction.' + </p> + <p> + “We accordingly knelt down, and he gave us his blessing in Latin before he + bid us good-night! + </p> + <p> + “After they went, Mary threw the stocking—all the unmarried folks + coming in the dark, to see who it would hit. Bless my sowl, but she was + the droll Mary—for what did she do, only put a big brogue of her + father's into it, that was near two pounds weight; and who should it hit + on the bare sconce, but Billy Cormick, the tailor—who thought he was + fairly shot, for it levelled the crathur at once; though that wasn't hard + to do any how. + </p> + <p> + “This was the last ceremony: and Billy was well continted to get the + knock, for you all know, whoever the stocking strikes upon is to be + married first. After this, my mother and mother-in-law set them to the + dancing—and 'twas themselves that kept it up till long after + daylight the next morning—but first they called me into the next + room where Mary was; and—and—so ends my wedding; by the same + token that I'm as dry as a stick.” + </p> + <p> + “Come, Nancy,” says Andy Morrow, “replenish again for us all, with a + double measure for Shane Fadh—because he well desarves it.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, Shane,” observed Alick, “you must have a terrible memory of your + own, or you couldn't tell it all so exact.” + </p> + <p> + “There's not a man in the four provinces has sich a memory,” replied + Shane. “I never hard that story yet, but I could repate it in fifty years + afterwards. I could walk up any town in the kingdom, and let me look at + the signs and I would give them to you agin jist exactly as they stood.” + </p> + <p> + Thus ended the account of Shane Fadh's wedding; and, after finishing the + porter, they all returned home, with an understanding that they were to + meet the next night in the same place. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + LARRY M'FARLAND'S WAKE. + </h2> + <p> + The succeeding evening found them all assembled about Ned's fireside in + the usual manner; where M'Roarkin, after a wheezy fit of coughing and a + draught of Nancy's Porter, commenced to give them an account of Larry + M'Farland's Wake. We have observed before, that M'Roarkin was desperately + asthmatic, a circumstance which he felt to be rather an unpleasant + impediment to the indulgence either of his mirth or sorrow. Every chuckle + at his own jokes ended in a disastrous fit of coughing; and when he became + pathetic, his sorrow was most ungraciously dissipated by the same cause; + two facts which were highly relished by his audience. + </p> + <p> + “Lakry M'Fakland, when a young man, was considered the best laborer within + a great ways of him; and no servant-man in the parish got within five + shillings a quarter of his wages. Often and often, when his time would be + near out, he'd have offers from the rich farmers and gintlemen about him, + of higher terms; so that he was seldom with one masther more nor a year at + the very most. He could handle a flail with e'er a man that ever stepped + in black leather; and at spade-work there wasn't his aquil. Indeed, he had + a brain for everything: he could thatch better nor many that arned their + bread by it; could make a slide-car, straddle, or any other rough + carpenter work, that it would surprise you to think of it; could work a + kish or side creel beautifully; mow as much as any two men, and go down a + ridge of corn almost as fast as you could walk; was a great hand at + ditching, or draining meadows and bogs; but above all things he was famous + for building hay-ricks and corn-stacks; and when Squire Farmer used to + enter for the prize at the yearly plowing-match, he was sure to borrow the + loan of Larry from whatever master he happened to be working with. And + well he might, for the year out of four that he hadn't Larry he lost the + prize: and every one knew that if Larry had been at the tail of his + plough, they would have had a tighter job of it in beating him. + </p> + <p> + “Larry was a light, airy young man, that knew his own value; and was proud + enough, God knows, of what he could do. He was, indeed, two much up to + sport and divarsion, and never knew his own mind for a week. It was + against him that he never stayed long in one place; for when he got a + house of his own afterwards, he had no one that cared anything in + particular about him. Whenever any man would hire him, he'd take care to + have Easter and Whiss'n Mondays to himself, and one or two of the + Christmas Maragahmores.* He was also a great dancer, fond of the dhrop—and + used to dress above his station: going about with a shop-cloth coat, + cassimoor small-clothes, and a Caroline hat; so that you would little + think he was a poor sarvint-man, laboring for his wages. One way or other, + the money never sted long with him; but he had light spirits, depended + entirely on his good hands, and cared very little about the world, + provided he could take his own fling out of it. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Anglice—Big markets. There are three of these held before + Christmas, and one or two before Easter, to enable the + country folks to make their markets, and prepare for the + more comfortably celebrating those great convivial + festivals. They are almost as numerously attended as fairs; + for which reason they are termed “big markets.” + </pre> + <p> + “In this way he went on from year to year, changing from one master to + another; every man that would employ him thinking he might get him to stop + with him for a constancy. But it was all useless; he'd be off after half a + year, or sometimes a year at the most, for he was fond of roving; and that + man would never give himself any trouble about him afterwards; though, may + be if he had continted himself with him, and been sober and careful, he + would be willing to assist and befriend him, when he might stand in need + of assistance. + </p> + <p> + “It's an ould proverb, that 'birds of a feather flock together,' and Larry + was a good proof of this, There was in the same neighborhood a young woman + name Sally Lowry, who was just the other end of himself (* meaning his + counterpart) for a pair of good hands, a love of dress and of dances. She + was well-looking, too, and knew it; light and showy, but a tight and clane + sarvint, any way. Larry and she, in short, began to coort, and were + pulling a coard together for as good as five or six years. Sally, like + Larry, always made a bargain, when hiring, to have the holly-days to + herself; and on these occasions she and Larry would meet and sport their + figure; going off with themselves, as soon as mass would, be over, into + Ballymavourneen, where he would collect a pack of fellows about him, and + she a set of her own friends; and there they'd sit down and drink for the + length of a day, laving themselves without a penny of whatever little + aiming the dress left behind it; for Larry was never right, except when he + was giving a thrate to some one or other. + </p> + <p> + “After corrousing away till evening, they'd then set off to a dance; and + when they'd stay there till it would be late, he should see her home, of + coorse, never parting till they'd settle upon meeting another day. + </p> + <p> + “At last they got fairly tired of this, and resolved to take one another + for better for worse. Indeed they would have done this long ago, only that + they could never get as much together as would pay the priest. Howandever, + Larry spoke to his brother, who was a sober, industrious boy, that had + laid by his <i>scollops</i> for the windy-day,* and tould him that Sally + Lowry and himself were going to yoke for life. Tom was a well-hearted, + friendly lad, and thinking that Sally, who bore a good name for being such + a clane sarvint, would make a good wife, he lent Larry two guineas, which + along with two more that Sally's aunt, who had no childhre of her own, + gave her, enabled them to over their difficulties and get married. Shortly + after this, his brother Tom followed his example; but as he had saved + something, he made up to Val Slevin's daughter, that had a fortune of + twenty guineas, a cow and a heifer, with two good chaff beds and bedding. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * In Irish the proverb is—“Ha naha la na guiha la na + scuilipagh:” that is, the windy or stormy day is not that on + which the scollops should be cut. Scollops are osier twigs, + sharpened at both ends, and inserted in the thatch, to bind + it at the eave and rigging. The proverb inculcates + preparation for future necessity. +</pre> + <p> + “Soon after Tom's marriage, he comes to Larry one day and says 'Larry, you + and I are now going to face the world; we're both young', healthy, and + willin' to work—so are our wives; and it's bad if we can't make out + bread for ourselves, I think.' + </p> + <p> + “'Thrue for you, Tom,' says Larry, 'and what's to hinder us? I only wish + we had a farm, and you'd see we'd take good bread out of it: for my part + there's not another <i>he</i> in the country I'd turn my back upon for + managing a farm, if I had one.' + </p> + <p> + “' Well,' says the other, 'that's what I wanted to overhaul as we're + together; Squire Dickson's steward was telling me yesterday, as I was + coming up from my father-in-law's, that his master has a farm of fourteen + acres to set at the present time; the one the Nultys held, that went last + spring to America—'twould be a dacent little take between us.' + </p> + <p> + “'I know every inch of it,' says Larry, 'and good strong land it is, but + it was never well wrought; the Nultys weren't fit for it at all; for one + of them didn't know how to folly a plough. I'd engage to make that land + turn out as good crops as e'er a farm within ten miles of it.' + </p> + <p> + “'I know that, Larry,' says Tom, 'and Squire Dickson knows that no man + could handle it to more advantage. Now if you join me in it, whatever + means I have will be as much yours as mine; there's two snug houses under + the one roof, with out-houses and all, in good repair—and if Sally + and Biddy will pull manfully along with us, I don't see, with the help of + Almighty Grod, why we shouldn't get on dacently, and soon be well and + comfortable to live.' + </p> + <p> + “'Comfortable!' savs Larry, 'no, but wealthy itself, Tom: and let us <i>at</i> + it at wanst; Squire Dickson knows what I can do as well as any man in + Europe; and I'll engage won't be hard upon us for the first year or two; + our best plan is to go to-morrow, for fraid some-other might get the + foreway of us.' + </p> + <p> + “The Squire knew very well that two better boys weren't to be met with + than the same M'Farlands, in the way of knowing how to manage land; and + although he had his doubts as to Larry's light and careless ways, yet he + had good depindance out of the brother and thought, on the whole, that + they might do very-well together. Accordingly, he set them the farm at a + reasonable rint, and in a short time they were both living on it with + their two wives. They divided the fourteen acres into aquil parts; and for + fraid were would be any grumbling between them about better or worse, Tom + proposed that they should draw lots, which was agreed to by Larry; but, + indeed, there was very little difference in the two halves; for Tom took + care, by the way he divided them, that none of them should have any reason + to complain. From the time they wint to live upon their farms, Tom was up + early and down late, improving it—paid attention to nothing else; + axed every man's opinion as to what crop would be best for such a spot, + and to tell the truth he found very few, if any, able to instruct him so + well as his own brother Larry. He was no such laborer, however, as Larry—but + what he was short in, he made up by perseverance and care. + </p> + <p> + “In the coorse 'of two or three years you would hardly bleeve how he got + on, and his wife was every bit aquil to him. She spun the yarn for the + linen that made their own shirts and sheeting, bought an odd pound of + wool-now and then when she could get it chape, and put it past till she + had a stone or so; she would then sit down and spin it—get it wove + and dressed; and before one would know anything about it she'd have the + making of a dacent comfortable coat for Tom, and a bit of heather-colored + drugget for her own gown, along with a piece of striped red and blue for a + petticoat—all at very little cost. + </p> + <p> + “It wasn't so with Larry. In the beginning, to be sure, while the fit was + on him, he did very well; only that he would go off an odd time to a + dance; or of a market or fair day, when he'd see the people pass by, + dressed in their best clothes, he'd take the notion, and sot off with + himself, telling Sally that he'd just go in for a couple of hours, to see + how the markets were going on. + </p> + <p> + “It's always an unpleasant thing for a body to go to a fair or market + without anything in their pocket; accordingly, if money was in the house, + he'd take some of it with him, for fraid that any friend or acquaintance + might thrate him; and then it would be a poor, mane-spirited thing, he + would say, to take another man's thrate, without giving one for it. He'd + seldom have any notion, though, of breaking in upon or spinding the money, + he only brought it to keep his pocket, jist to prevent him from being + shamed, should he meet a friend. + </p> + <p> + “In the manetime, Sally, in his absence, would find herself lonely, and as + she hadn't, may be, seen her aunt for some time before, she'd lock the + door, and go over to spind a while with her; or take a trip as far as her + ould mistress's place to see the family. Many a thing people will have to + say to one another about the pleasant times they had together, or several + other subjects best known to themselves, of coorse. Larry would come home + in her absence, and finding the door locked, would slip down to Squire + Dickson's, to chat with the steward or gardener, or with the sarvints in + the kitchen. + </p> + <p> + “You all remimber Torn Hance, that kept the public-house at Tullyvernon + cross-roads, a little above the. Squire's—at laste, most of you do—and + ould Willy Butledge, the fiddler, that spint his time between Tom's and + the big house—God,be good to Wilty!—it's himself was the droll + man entirely: he died of ating boiled banes, for a wager that the Squire + laid on him agin ould Captain Mint, and dhrinking porter after them till + he was swelled like a tun; but the Squire berried him at his own expense. + Well, Larry's haunt, on finding Sally out when he came home, was either at + the Squire's kitchen, or Tom Hance's; and as he was the broth of a boy at + dancing, the sarvints, when he'd go down, would send for Wilty to Hance's, + if he didn't happen to be with themselves at the time, and strike up a + dance in the kitchen; and, along with all, may be Larry would have a sup + in his head. + </p> + <p> + “When Sally would come home, in her turn, she'd not find Larry before her; + but Larry's custom was to go in to Tom's wife, and say,—'Biddy, tell + Sally, when she comes home, that I'm gone down awhile to the big house (or + to Tom Hance's, as it might be), but I'll not be long.' Sally, after + waiting awhile, would put on her cloak, and slip down to see what was + keeping him. Of course, when finding the sport going on, and carrying a + light heel at the dance herself, she'd throw off the cloak, and take a + hand at it along with the rest. Larry and she would then go their ways + home, find the fire out, light a sod of turf in Tom's, and feeling their + own place very cowld and naked, after the blazing comfortable fire they + had left behind them, go to bed, both in very middling spirits entirely. + </p> + <p> + “Larry, at other times, would quit his work early in the evening, to go + down towards the Squire's, bekase he had only to begin work earlier the + next day to make it up. He'd meet the Squire himself, may be, and, after + putting his hand to his hat, and getting a 'how do you do, Larry,' from + his honor, enter into discoorse with him about his honor's plan of + stacking his corn. Now, Larry was famous at this. + </p> + <p> + “'Who's to build your stacks this saison, your honor?' + </p> + <p> + “'Tim Dillon, Larry.' + </p> + <p> + “'Is it he, your honor?—he knows as much about building a stack of + corn as Mas-ther George, here. He'll only botch them, sir, if you let him + go about them.' + </p> + <p> + “'Yes;' but what can I do, Larry? He's the only man I have that I could + trust them to.' + </p> + <p> + “'Then it's your honor needn't say that anyhow; for rather then see them + spoiled, I'd come down myself and put them up for you.' + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, I couldn't expect that, Larry.' + </p> + <p> + “Why, then, I'll do it, your honor; and you may expect, me down in the + morning at six o'clock, plase God.' + </p> + <p> + “Larry would keep his word, though his own corn was drop-ripe; and havin' + once undertaken the job, he couldn't give it up till he'd, finish it off + dacently. In the meantime, his own crop would go to destruction; sometimes + a windy day would come, and not leave him every tenth grain; he'd then get + some one to cut it down for him—he had to go to the big house, to + build the master's corn; he was then all bustle—a great man entirely—there + was <i>non</i> such; would be up with, the first light, ordering and + commanding, and directing the Squire's laborers, as if he was the king of + the castle. Maybe, 'tis after he'd come from the big' house, that he'd, + collect a few of the neighbors, and get a couple of cars and horses from + the Squire, you see, to bring home his own oats to the hagyard with + moonlight, after the dews would begin to fall; and. in a week afterwards + every stack would be heated, and all in a reek of froth and smoke. It's + not aisy to do anything in a hurry, and especially it's not aisy to build + a corn-stack after night, when a man cannot see how it goes on: so 'twas + no wonder if Larry's stacks were supporting one another the next day—one + leaning north and another south. + </p> + <p> + “But, along with this, Larry and Sally were great people for going to the + dances that Hance used to have at the crass-roads, bekase he wished to put + money into his own pocket; and if a neighbor died, they were sure to be + the first at the wake-house—for Sally was a great hand at washing + down a corpse—-and they would be the last home from the berril; for + you know, they couldn't but be axed in to the dhrinking, after the friends + would lave the churchyard, to take a sup to raise their spirits and drown + sorrow, for grief is always drouthy. + </p> + <p> + “When the races, too, would come, they would be sure not to miss them; and + if you'd go into a tint, it's odds but you'd find them among a knot of + acquaintances, dhrinking and dancing, as if the world was no trouble to + them. They were, indeed, the best nathured couple in Europe; they would + lend you a spade or a hook in potato time or harvest, out of pure + kindness, though their own corn, that was drop-ripe, should be uncut, or + their potatoes, that were a tramping every day with their own cows or + those of the neighbors, should be undug—all for fraid of being + thought unneighborly. + </p> + <p> + “In this way they went on for some years, not altogether so bad but that + they were able just to keep the house over their heads. They had a small + family of three children on their hands, and every likelihood of having + enough of them. Whenever they got a young one christened, they'd be sure + to have a whole lot of the neighbors at it; and surely some of the young + ladies, or Master George, or John, or Frederick, from the big house, + should stand gossip, and have the child called after them. They then + should have tay enough to sarve them, and loaf-bread and punch; and though + Larry should sell a sack of seed-oats or seed-potatoes to get it, no doubt + but there should be a bottle of wine, to thrate the young ladies or + gintlemen. + </p> + <p> + “When their childre grew up, little care was taken of them, bekase their + parents minded other people's business more nor their own. They were + always in the greatest poverty and distress; for Larry would be killing + time about the Squire's, or doing some handy job for a neighbor who could + get no other man to do it. They now fell behind entirely in the rint, and + Larry got many hints from the Squire that if he didn't pay more attention + to his business, he must look after his arrears, or as much of it as he + could make up from the cattle and the crop. Larry promised well, as far as + words went, and no doubt hoped to be able to perform; but he hadn't + steadiness to go through with a thing. Thruth's best;—you see both + himself and his wife neglected their business in the beginning, so that + everything went at sixes and sevens. They then found themselves + uncomfortable at their own hearth, and had no heart to labor: so that what + would make a careful person work their fingers to the stumps to get out of + poverty, only prevented <i>them</i> from working at all, or druv them to + work for those that had more comfort, and could give them a better male's + mate than they had themselves. + </p> + <p> + “Their tempers, now, soon began to get sour: Larry thought, bekase Sally + wasn't as careful as she ought to be, that if he had taken any other young + woman to his wife, he wouldn't be as he was;—she thought the very + same thing of Larry. 'If he was like another,' she would say to his + brother, 'that would be up airly and late at his own business, I would + have spirits to work, by rason it would cheer my heart to see our little + farm looking as warm and comfortable as anothers; but, <i>fareer gairh</i> + (* bitter misfortune) that's not the case, nor likely to be so, for he + spinds his time from one place to another, working for them that laughs at + him for his pains; but he'd rather go to his neck in wather than lay down + a hand for himself, except when he can't help it.' + </p> + <p> + “Larry, again, had his complaint—'Sally's a lazy trollop,' he would + say to his brother's wife, 'that never does one hand's turn that she can + help, but sits over the fire from morning till night, making bird's nests + in the ashes with her yallow heels, or going about from one neighbor's + house to another, gosthering and palavering about what doesn't consarn + her, instead of minding the house. How can I have heart to work, when I + come in—expecting to find my dinner ready; but, instead of that, get + her sitting upon her hunkers on the hearthstone; blowing at two or three + green sticks with her apron, the pot hanging on the crook, without even + the white horses on it.* She never puts a stitch in my clothes, nor in the + childher's clothes, nor in her own, but lets them go to rags at once—the + divil's luck to her! I wish I had never met with her, or that I had + married a sober girl, that wasn't fond of dress and dancing. If she was a + good sarvint, it was only because she liked to have a good name; for when + she got a house and place of her own, see how she turned out!' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The white horses are produced by the extrication of air, + which rises in white bubbles to the surface when the + potatoes are beginning to boil; so that when the first + symptoms of boiling commence, it is a usual phrase to say, + the white horses are on the pot—sometimes the white friars. +</pre> + <p> + “From less to more, they went on squabbling and fighting, until at last + you might see Sally one time with a black eye or a cut head, or another + time going off with herself, crying, up to Tom Hance's or some other + neighbor's house, to sit down and give a history of the ruction that he + and she had on the head of some trifle or another that wasn't worth + naming. Their childher were shows, running about without a single stitch + upon them, except ould coats that some of the sarvints from the big house + would throw them. In these they'd go sailing about,with the long skirts + trailing on the ground behind them; and sometimes Larry would be mane + enough to take the coat from the gorsoon, and ware it himself. As for + giving them any schooling, 'twas what they never thought of; but even if + they were inclined to it, there was no school in the neighborhood to send + them to, for God knows it's the counthry that was in a neglected state as + to schools in those days, as well as now. + </p> + <p> + “It's a thrue saying, that as the ould cock crows the young one larns; and + this was thrue here, for the childher fought one another like so many + divils, and swore like Trojans—Larry, along with everything else, + when he was a Brine-oge, thought it was a manly thing to be a great + swearer; and the childher, when they got able to swear, warn't worse nor + their father. At first, when any of the little souls would thry at an + oath, Larry would break his heart laughing at them; and so, from one thing + to another, they got quite hardened in it, without being any way checked + in wickedness. Things at last drew on to a bad state, entirely. Larry and + Sally were now as ragged as Dives and Lazarus, and their childher the + same. It was no strange sight, in summer, to see the young ones marching + about the street as bare as my hand, with scarce a blessed stitch upon + them that ever was seen, they dirt and ashes to the eyes, waddling after + their uncle Tom's geese and ducks, through the green sink of rotten water + that lay before their own door, just beside the dunghill: or the bigger + ones running after the Squire's laborers, when bringing home the corn or + the hay, wanting to get a ride as they went back with the empty cars. + </p> + <p> + “Larry and Sally would never be let into the Squire's kitchen now to eat + or drink, or spend an evening with the sarvints; he might go out and in to + his meal's mate along with the rest of the laborers, but there was no <i>grah</i> + (* goodwill) for him. Sally would go down with her jug to get some + buttermilk, and have to stand among a set of beggars and cotters, she as + ragged and as poor as any of them, for she wouldn't be let into the + kitchen till her turn came, no more nor another, for the sarvints would + turn up their noses with the greatest disdain possible at them both. + </p> + <p> + “It was hard to tell whether the inside or the outside of their house was + worse;—within, it would amost turn your stomach to look at it—the + flure was all dirt, for how could it be any other way, when at the end of + every meal the <i>schrahag</i>* would be emptied down on it, and the pig, + that was whining and grunting about the door, would brake into the hape of + praty-skins that Sally would there throw down for it. You might reel + Larry's shirt, or make a surveyor's chain of it; for, bad cess (* Bad + success) to me, but I bleeve it would reach from this to the Bath. The + blanket was in tatthers, and, like the shirt, would go round the house: + their straw-beds were stocked with the <i>black militia</i>—the + childer's heads were garrisoned with <i>Scotch greys</i>, and their heels + and heads ornamented with all description of kibes. There wor only two + stools in all the house, and a hassock of straw for the young child, and + one of the stools wanted a leg, so that it was dangerous for a stranger to + sit down upon it, except he knew of this failing. The flure was worn into + large holes, that were mostly filled up with slop, where the childher used + to daddle about, and amuse themselves by sailing egg-shells upon them, + with bits of boiled praties in them, by way of a little faste. The dresser + was as black as dirt could make it, and had on it only two or three wooden + dishes, clasped with tin, and noggins without hoops, a beetle, and some + crockery. There was an ould chest to hold their male, but it wanted the + hinges; and the childher, when they'd get the mother out, would mix a sup + of male and wather in a noggin, and stuff themselves with it, raw and all, + for they were almost starved. + </p> + <p> + “Then, as the cow-house had never been kept in repair, the roof fell in, + and the cow and pig had to stand in one end of the dwelling-house; and, + except Larry did it, whatever dirt the same cow and pig, and the childher + to the back of that, were the occasion of, might stand there till Saturday + night, when, for dacency's sake, Sally herself would take a shovel, and + out with it upon the hape that was beside the sink before the door. If a + wet day came, there wasn't a spot you could stand in for <i>down-rain</i>; + and wet or dry, Sally, Larry, and the childher were spotted like trouts + with the soot-dhrops, made by the damp of the roof and the smoke. The + house on the outside was all in ridges of black dirt, where the thatch had + rotted, or covered over with chickenweed or blind-oats; but in the middle + of all this misery they had a horseshoe nailed over the door-head for good + luck. + </p> + <p> + “You know, that in telling this story, I needn't mintion everything just + as it happened, laying down year after year, or day and date; so you may + suppose, as I go on, that all this went forward in the coorse cf time. + They didn't get bad of a sudden, but by degrees, neglecting one thing + after another, until they found themselves in the state I'm relating to + you—then struggling and struggling, but never taking the right way + to mend. + </p> + <p> + “But where's the use in saying much more about it?—things couldn't + stand—they were terribly in arrears; but the landlord was a good + kind of man, and, for the sake of the poor childher, didn't wish to turn + them on the wide world, without house or shelter, bit or sup. Larry, too, + had been, and still was, so ready to do difficult and nice jobs for him, + and would resave no payment, that he couldn't think of taking his only cow + from him or prevent him from raising a bit of oats' or a plat of potatoes, + every year, out of the farm.—The farm itself was all run to waste by + this time, and had a miserable look about it—sometimes you might see + a piece of a field that had been ploughed, all overgrown with grass, + because it had never been sowed or set with anything. The slaps were all + broken down, or had only a piece of an ould beam, a thorn bush, or crazy + car lying acrass, to keep the cattle out of them. His bit of corn was all + eat away and cropped here and there by the cows, and his potatoes rooted + up by the pigs.—The garden, indeed, had a few cabbages, and a ridge + of early potatoes, but these were so choked with burtlocks and nettles, + that you could hardly see them. + </p> + <p> + “I tould you before that they led the divil's life, and that was nothing + but God's truth; and according as they got into greater poverty it was + worse. A day couldn't pass without a fight; if they'd be at their + breakfust, maybe he'd make a potato hop off her skull, and she'd give him + the contents of her noggin of buttermilk about the eyes; then he'd flake + her, and the childher would be in an uproar, crying out, 'Oh, daddy, + daddy, don't kill my mammy!' When this would be over, he'd go off with + himself to do something for the Squire, and would sing and laugh so + pleasant, that you'd think he was the best-tempered man alive; and so he + was, until neglecting his business, and minding dances, and fairs, and + drink, destroyed him. + </p> + <p> + “It's the maxim of the world, that when a man is down, down with him; but + when a man goes down through his own fault, he finds very little mercy from + any one. Larry might go to fifty fairs before he'd meet any one now to + thrate him; instead of that, when he'd make up to them, they'd turn away, + or give him the cowld shoulder. But that wouldn't satisfy him: for if he + went to buy a slip of a pig, or a pair of brogues, and met an ould + acquaintance that had got well to do in the world, he should bring him in, + and give him a dram, merely to let the other see that he was still <i>able</i> + to do it; then, when they'd sit down, one dram would bring on another from + Larry, till the price of the pig or the brogues would be spint, and he'd + go home again as he came, sure to have another battle with Sally. + </p> + <p> + “In this way things went on, when one day that Larry was preparing to sell + some oats a son of Nicholas Roe Sheridan's of the Broad bog came in to + him. 'Good-morrow,' says he. 'Good-morrow, kindly, Art,' says Larry—'how + are you, ma bou-chal?' + </p> + <p> + “'Why I've no rason to complain, thank God, and you,' says the other; 'how + is yourself?' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, thank you, Art: how is the family?' + </p> + <p> + “'Faix, all stout except my father, that has got a touch of the toothache. + When did you hear from the Slevins?' + </p> + <p> + “'Sally was down on Thursday last, and they're all well, your soul.' + </p> + <p> + “'Where's Sally now?' + </p> + <p> + “'She's just gone down to the big house for a pitcher of buttermilk; our + cow won't calve these three weeks to come, and she gets a sup of kitchen + for the childher till then; won't you take a sate, Art? but you had better + have a care of yourself, for that stool wants a leg.' + </p> + <p> + “'I didn't care she was within, for I brought a sup of my own stuff in my + pocket,' said Art. + </p> + <p> + “'Here, Hurrish' (he was called Horatio after one of the Square's sons), + 'fly down to the Square's, and see what's keeping your mother; the divil's + no match for her at staying out with herself wanst she's from under the + roof.' + </p> + <p> + “'Let Dick go,' says the little fellow, 'he's betther able to go nor I am; + he has got a coat on him.' + </p> + <p> + “'Go yourself, when I bid you,' says the father. + </p> + <p> + “'Let him go,' says Hurrish, 'you have no right to bid me to go, when he + has a coat upon him: you promised to ax one for me from Masther Francis, + and you didn't do it; so the divil a toe I'll budge to-day,' says he, + getting betune the father and the door. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, wait,' says Larry, 'faix, only the strange man's to the fore, and + I don't like to raise a hubbub, I'd pay you for making me such an answer. + Dick, agra, will you run down, like a good bouchal, to the big house, and + tell your mother to come home, that there's a strange man here wants her?' + </p> + <p> + “'Twas Hurrish you bid,' says Dick—'and make him: that's the way he + always thrates you—does nothing that you bid him.' + </p> + <p> + “'But you know, Dick,' says the father, 'that he hasn't a stitch to his + back, and the crathur doesn't like to go out in the cowld, and he so + naked.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, you bid him go,' says Dick, 'an let him; the sorrayard I'll go—the + shinburnt spalpeen, that's always the way with him; whatever he's bid to + do, he throws it on me, bekase, indeed, he has no coat; but he'll folly + Masther Thomas or Masther Francis through sleet and snow up the mountains + when they're fowling or tracing; he doesn't care about a coat then.' + </p> + <p> + “'Hurrish, you must go down for your mother when I bid you,' says the weak + man, turning again to the other boy. + </p> + <p> + “I'll not,' says the little fellow; 'send Dick.' + </p> + <p> + “Larry said no more, but, laying down the child he had in his hands, upon + the flure, makes at him; the lad, however, had the door of him, and was + off beyant his reach like a shot. He then turned into the house, and + meeting Dick, felled him with a blow of his fist at the dresser. + 'Tundher-an-ages, Larry,' says Art, 'what has come over you at all at all? + to knock down the gorsoon with such a blow! couldn't you take a rod or a + switch to him?—<i>Dher manhim</i>, (* By my soul!) man, but I bleeve + you've killed him outright,' says he, lifting the boy, and striving to + bring him to life. Just at this minit Sally came in. + </p> + <p> + “'Arrah, sweet bad-luck to you, you lazy vagabond you,' says Larry, 'what + kept you away till this hour?' + </p> + <p> + “'The devil send you news, you nager you,' says Sally, 'what kept me—could + I make the people churn sooner than they wished or were ready?' + </p> + <p> + “'Ho, by my song, I'll flake you as soon as the dacent young man leaves + the house,' says Larry to her, aside. + </p> + <p> + “'You'll flake me, is it?' says Sally, speaking out loud—'in troth, + that's no new thing for you to do, any how.' + </p> + <p> + “'Spake asy, you had betther.' + </p> + <p> + “'No, in troth, won't I spake asy; I've spoken asy too long, Larry, but + the devil a taste of me will bear what I've suffered from you any longer, + you mane-spirited blackguard you; for he is nothing else that would rise + his hand to a woman, especially to one in my condition, and she put her + gown tail to her eyes. When she came in, Art turned his back to her, for + fraid she'd see the state the gorsoon was in—but now she noticed it— + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, murdher, murdher,' says she, clapping her hands, and running over to + him, 'what has happened my child? oh! murdher, murdher, this is your work, + murdherer!' says she to Larry. 'Oh, you villain, are you bent on + murdhering all of us—are you bent on destroying us out o' the face! + Oh, wurrah sthrew! wurrah sthrew! what'll become of us! Dick, agra,' says + she, crying, 'Dick, acushla machree, don't you hear, me spaiking to you!—don't + you hear your poor broken-hearted mother spaking to you? Oh! wurrah! + wurrah! amn't I the heart-brokenest crathur that's alive this day, to see + the likes of such doings! but I knew it would come to this! My sowl to + glory, but my child's murdhered by that man standing there!—by his + own father—his own father! Which of us will you murther next, you + villain!' + </p> + <p> + “'For heaven's sake, Sally,' says Art, 'don't exaggerate him more nor he + is—the boy is only stunned—see, he's coming to: Dick, ma + bouchal, rouse yourself, that's a man: hut! he's well enough—that's + it, alannah; here, take a slug out of this bottle, and it'll set all right—or + stop, have you a glass within, Sally?' 'Och, inusha, not a glass is under + the roof wid me,' says Sally; 'the last we had was broke the night Barney + was christened, and we hadn't one since—but I'll get you an + egg-shell.'* 'It'll do as well as the best,' says Art. And to make a long + story short, they sat down, and drank the bottle of whiskey among them. + Larry and Sally made it up, and were as great friends as ever; and Dick + was made drunk for the bating he got from his father. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The ready wit of the Irish is astonishing. It often + happens that they have whiskey when neither glasses nor cups + are at hand; in which case they are never at a loss. I have + seen them use not only egg-shells, but pistol barrels, + tobacco boxes, and scooped potatoes, in extreme cases. +</pre> + <p> + “What Art wanted was to buy some oats that Larry had to sell, to run in a + private Still, up in the mountains, of coorse, where every Still is kept. + Sure enough, Larry sould him the oats, and was to bring them up to the + still-house the next night after dark. According to appointment, Art came + a short time after night-fall, with two or three young boys along with + him. The corn was sacked and put on the horses; but before that was done, + they had a dhrop, for Art's pocket and the bottle were ould acquaintances. + They all then sat down in Larry's, or, at laste, as many as there were + seats for, and fell to it. Larry, however, seemed to be in better humor + this night, and more affectionate with Sally and the childher: he'd often + look at them, and appear to feel as if something was over him* but no one + observed that till afterwards. Sally herself seemed kinder to him, and + even went over and sat beside him on the stool, and putting her arm about + his neck, kissed him in a joking way, wishing to make up, too, for what + Art saw the night before—poor thing—but still as if it wasn't + all a joke, for at times she looked sorrowful. Larry, too, got his arm + about her, and looked, often and often on her and the childher, in a way + that he wasn't used to do, until the tears fairly came into his eyes. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * This is precisely tantamount to what the Scotch call + “fey.” It means that he felt as if some fatal doom were over + him. +</pre> + <p> + “'Sally, avourneen,' says he, looking at her, 'I saw you when you had + another look from what you have this night; when it wasn't asy to fellow + you <i>in</i> the parish or <i>out</i> of it;' and when he said this he + could hardly spake. + </p> + <p> + “'Whist, Larry, acushla,' says she, 'don't be spaking that way—sure + we may do very well yet, plase God: I know, Larry, there was a great dale + of it—maybe, indeed, it was all my fault; for I wasn't to you, in + the way of care and kindness, what I ought to be.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well, well, aroon, says Larry, 'say no more; you might have been all + that, only it was my fault: but where's Dick, that I struck so terribly + last night? Dick, come over to me, agra—come over, Dick, and sit + down here beside me. Arrah, here, Art, ma bouchal, will you fill this + egg-shell for him?—Poor gorsoon! God knows, Dick, you get far from + fair play, acushla—far from the ating and drinking that other + people's childher get, that hasn't as good a skin to put it in as you, + alannah! Kiss me, Dick, acushla—and God knows your face is pale, and + that's not with good feeding, anyhow: Dick, agra, I'm sorry for what I + done to you last night; forgive your father, Dick, for I think that my + heart's breaking, acushla, and that you won't have me long with you.' + </p> + <p> + “Poor Dick, who was naturally a warmhearted, affectionate gorsoon, kissed + his father, and cried bitterly. Sally herself, seeing Larry so sorry for + what he done, sobbed as if she would drop on the spot: but the rest began, + and betwixt scoulding and cheering them up, all was as well as ever. Still + Larry seemed as if there was something entirely very strange the matter + with him, for as he was going out, he kissed all the childher, one after + another; and even went over to the young baby that was asleep in the + little cradle of boords that he himself had made for it, and kissed it two + or three times, asily, for fraid of wakening it. He then met Sally at the + door, and catching her hand when none of the rest saw him, squeezed it, + and gave her a kiss, saying, 'Sally, darling!' says he. + </p> + <p> + “'What ails you, Larry, asthore?' says Sally. + </p> + <p> + “'I don't know,' says he; 'nothing, I bleeve—but Sally, acushla, I + have thrated you badly all along. I forgot, avourneen, how I loved you <i>once</i> + and now it breaks my heart that I have used you so ill.' + </p> + <p> + “'Larry she answered, 'don't be talking that way, bekase you make me + sorrowful and unasy—don't, acushla: God above me knows I forgive you + it all. Don't stay long,' says she 'and I'll borry a lock of meal from + Biddy, till we get home our own meldhre, and I'll have a dish of stirabout + ready to make for you when you come home. Sure, Larry, who'd forgive you, + if I, your own wife, wouldn't? But it's I that wants it from you, Larry; + and in the presence of God and ourselves, I now beg your pardon, and ax + your forgiveness for all the sin I done to you.' She dropped on her knees, + and cried bitterly; but he raised her up, himself a choking at the time, + and as the poor crathur got to her feet, she laid herself on his breast, + and sobbed out, for she couldn't help it. They then went away, though + Larry, to tell the thruth, wouldn't have gone with them at all, only that + the sacks were borried from his brother, and he had to bring them home, in + regard of Tom wanting them the very next day. + </p> + <p> + “The night was as dark as pitch—so dark, faiks, that they had to get + long pieces of bog fir, which they lit, and held in their hand, like the + lights that Ned there says the lamplighters have in Dublin to light the + lamps with. + </p> + <p> + “At last, with a good dale of trouble, they got to the still-house; and, + as they had all taken a drop before, you may be sure they were better + inclined, to take another now. They, accordingly, sat down about the fine + rousing fire that was under the still, and had a right good jorum of + strong whiskey that never seen a drop of water. They all were in very good + spirits, not thinking of to-morrow, and caring at the time very little + about the world as it went. + </p> + <p> + “When the night was far advanced, they thought of moving home; however, by + that time they weren't able to stand: but it's one curse of being drunk, + that a man doesn't know what he's about for the time, except some few, + like that poaching ould fellow, Billy M'Kinny, that's cuinninger when he's + drunk than when he's sober; otherwise they would not have ventured out in + the clouds of the night, when it was so dark and severe, and they in such + a state. + </p> + <p> + “At last they staggered away together, for their road lay for a good + distance in the same direction. The others got on, and reached home as + well as they could; but, although Sally borried the dish of male from her + sister-in-law, to have a warm pot of stirabout for Larry, and sat up till + the night was more than half gone, waiting for him, yet no Larry made his + appearance. The childher, too, all sat up, hoping he'd come home before + they'd fall asleep and miss the supper: at last the crathurs, after + running about, began to get sleepy, and one head would fall this way and + another that way; so Sally thought it hard to let them go without getting + their share, and accordingly she put down the pot on a bright fire, and + made a good lot of stirabout for them, covering up Larry's share in a red + earthen dish before the fire. + </p> + <p> + “This roused them a little; and they sat about the hearth with their + mother, keeping her company with their little chat, till their father + would come back. + </p> + <p> + “The night, for some time before this, got very stormy entirely. The wind + ris, and the rain fell as if it came out of methers.* The house was very + cowld, and the door was bad; for the wind came in very strong under the + foot of it, where the ducks and hens, and the pig when it was little, used + to squeeze themselves in when the family was absent, or afther they went + to bed. The wind now came whistling under it; and the ould hat and rags, + that stopped up the windies, were blown out half a dozen times with such + force, that the ashes were carried away almost from the hearth. Sally got + very low-spirited on hearing the storm whistling so sorrowfully through + the house, for she was afeard that Larry might be out on the dark moors + under it; and how any living soul could bear it, she didn't know. The talk + of the childhre, too, made her worse; for they were debating among + themselves, the crathurs, about what he had better do under the tempest; + whether he ought to take the sheltry side of a hillock, or get into a long + heather bush or under the ledge of a rock or tree, if he could meet such a + thing. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * An old Irish drinking vessel, of a square form, with a + handle or ear on each side, out of which all the family + drank successively, or in rotation. The expression above is + proverbial. +</pre> + <p> + “In the mane time, terrible blasts would come over and through the house, + making the ribs crack so that you would think the roof would be taken away + at wanst. The fire was now getting low, and Sally had no more turf in the + house; so that the childher crouched closer and closer about it, their + poor hungry-looking pale faces made paler with fear that the house might + come down upon them, or be stripped, and their father from home—and + with worse fear that something might happen him under such a tempest of + wind and rain as it blew. Indeed it was a pitiful sight to see the ragged + crathurs drawing in in a ring nearer and nearer the dying fire; and their + poor, naked, half-starved mother, sitting with her youngest infant lying + between her knees and her breast; for the bed was too cowld to put it into + it, without being kept warm by the heat of them that it used to sleep + with.” + </p> + <p> + “Musha, God help her and them,” says Ned, “I wish they were here beside me + on this comfortable hob, this minute; I'd fight Nancy to get a fog-meal + for them, any way—a body can't but pity them afther all!” + </p> + <p> + “You'd fight Nancy!” said Nancy herself—“maybe Nancy would be as + willing to do something for the crathurs as you would—I like every + body that's able to pay for what they get! but we ought to have some + bowels in us for all that. You'd fight Nancy, indeed!” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” continued the narrator, “there' they sat, with cowld and fear in + their pale faces, shiverin' over the remains of the fire, for it was now + nearly out, and thinking, as the deadly blast would drive through the + creaking ould door and the half-stuffed windies, of what their father + would do under such a terrible night. Poor Sally, sad and sorrowful, was + thinking of all their ould quarrels, and taking the blame all to herself + for not bein' more attentive to her business, and more kind to Larry; and + when she thought of the way she thrated him, and the ill-tongue she used + to give him, the tears began to roll from her eyes, and she rocked herself + from side to side, sobbing as if her heart would brake. When the childher + saw her wiping her eyes with the corner of the little handkerchief that + she had about her neck, they began to cry along with her. At last she + thought, as it was now so late, that it would be folly to sit up any + longer; she hoped, too, that he might have thought of going into some + neighbor's house on his way, to take shelter, and with these thoughts, she + raked the greeshough (* warm ashes and embers) over the fire, and after, + putting the childher in their little straw nest, and spreading their own + rags over them, she and the young one went to bed, although she couldn't + sleep at all at all, for thinking of Larry. + </p> + <p> + “There she lay, trembling under the light cover of the bed-clothes, for + they missed Larry's coat, listening to the dreadful night that was in it, + so lonely, that the very noise of the cow, in the other corner, chewing + her cud, in the silence of a short calm, was a great relief to her. It was + a long time before she could get a wink of sleep, for there was some + uncommon weight upon her that she couldn't account for by any chance; but + after she had been lying for about half an hour, she heard something that + almost fairly knocked her up. It was the voice of a woman, crying and + wailing in the greatest distress, as if all belonging to her were + under-boord. + </p> + <p> + “When Sally heard it first, she thought it was nothing but the whistling + of the wind; but it soon came again, more sorrowful than before, and as + the storm arose, it rose upon the blast along with it, so strange and + mournful that she never before heard the like of it. 'The Lord be about + us!' said she to herself, 'what can that be at all?—or who is it? + for its not Nelly,' maning her sister-in-law. Again she listened, and + there was, sobbing and sighing in the greatest grief, and she thought she + heard it louder than ever, only that this time it seemed to name + whomsoever it was lamenting. Sally now got up and put her ear to the door, + to see if she could hear what it said. At this time the wind got calmer, + and the voice also got lower; but although it was still sorrowful, she + never heard any living Christian's voice so sweet, and what was very odd, + it fell in fits, exactly as the storm sunk, and rose as it blew louder. + </p> + <p> + “When she put her ear to the chink of the door, she heard the words + repeated, no doubt of it, only couldn't be quite sure, as they wern't very + plain; but as far as she could make any sense out of them, she thought + that it said—'Oh, Larry M'Farland!—Larry M'Farland!—Larry + M'Farland!' + </p> + <p> + “Sally's hair stood on end when she heard this; but on listening again, + she thought it was her own name instead of Larry's that it repeated, and + that it said, 'Sally M'Farland!—Sally M'Farland!—Sally + M'Farland!' Still she wasn't sure, for the words wern't plain, and all she + could think was, that they resembled her own name or Larry's more than any + other words she knew. At last, as the wind fell again, it melted away, + weeping most sorrowfully, but so sweetly, that the likes of it was never + heard. Sally then went to bed, and the poor woman was so harrished with + one thing or another, that at last she fell asleep.” + </p> + <p> + “'Twas the Banshee,” said Shane Fadh. + </p> + <p> + “Indeed it was nothing else than that same,” replied M'Roarkin. + </p> + <p> + “I wonder Sally didn't think of-that,” said Nancy—“sure she might + know that no living crathur would be out lamenting under such a night as + that was.” + </p> + <p> + “She did think of that,” said Tom; “but as no Banshee ever followed <i>her + own</i>* family, didn't suppose that it could be such a thing; but she + forgot that it might follow Larry's. I, myself, heard his brother Tom say, + afterwards, that a Banshee used always to be heard before any of them + died.” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The Banshee in Ireland is, or rather was, said to follow + only particular families—principally the Old Milesians. It + appeared or was heard before the death of any member of the + family. Its form was always that of a female—weeping, + wailing, wringing its hands, and uttering the national + keene, or lamentation for the dead. Banshee signifies gentle + woman. +</pre> + <p> + “Did his brother hear it?” Ned inquired. + </p> + <p> + “He did,” said Tom, “and his wife along with him, and knew, at once, that + some death would happen in the family—but it wasn't long till he + suspected who it came for; for, as he was going to bed that night, on + looking towards his own hearth, he thought he saw his brother standing at + the fire, with a very sorrowful face upon him. 'Why, Larry,' says he, 'how + did you get in, after me barring the door?—or did you turn back from + helping them with the corn? You surely hadn't time to go half the way + since.' + </p> + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0006" id="linkimage-0006"> + <!-- IMG --></a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img src="images/page713.jpg" + alt="Page 713-- 'Why, Larry,' Says He, 'How Did You Get In' " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + “Larry, however, made him no answer; and, on looking for him again, there + was no Larry there for him. 'Nelly,' says he to his wife, 'did you see any + sight of Larry since, he went to the still-house?' 'Arrah, no indeed, + Tom,' says she; 'what's coming over you to spake to the man that's near + Drum-furrar by this time?' 'God keep him from harm!' said Tom;—'poor + fellow, I wish nothing ill may happen him this night! I'm afeard, Nelly, + that I saw his <i>fetch</i>;* and if I did, he hasn't long to live; for + when one's fetch is seen at this time of night, their lase of life, let + them be sick or in health, is always short.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * This in the North of Ireland is called wraith, as in + Scotland. The Fetch is a spirit that assumes the likeness of + a particular person. It does not appear to the individual + himself whose resemblance it assumes, but to some of his + friends. If it is seen in the morning, it betokens long + life; if after sunset, approaching death; after nightfall, + immediate death. +</pre> + <p> + “'Hut, Tom aroon!' says Nelly, 'it was the shadow of the jamb or yourself + you saw in the light of the candle, or the shadow of the bed-post.' + </p> + <p> + “The next morning they were all up, hoping that he would drop in to them. + Sally got a creel of turf, notwithstanding her condition, and put down a + good fire to warm him; but the morning passed, and no sign of him. She now + got very unasy, and mintioned to his brother what she felt, and Tom went + up to the still-house to know if he was there, or to try if he could get + any tidings of him. But, by the laws! when he heard that he had left that + for home the night before, and he in a state of liquor, putting this, and + what he had heard and seen in his house together, Tom knew that something + must have happened him. He went home again, and on his way had his eye + about him, thinking that it would be no miracle, if he'd meet him lying + head-foremost in a ditch; however, he did not, but went on, expecting to + find him at home before him. + </p> + <p> + “In the mane time, the neighbors had been all raised to search for him; + and, indeed, the hills were alive with people. It was the second day + after, that Sally was standing, looking out at her own door towards the + mountains, expecting that every man with a blue coat upon him might be + Larry, when she saw a crowd of people coming down the hills. Her heart + leaped to her mouth, and she sent Dick, the eldest of the sons, to meet + them, and run back with word to her if he was among them. Dick went away; + but he hadn't gone far when he met his uncle Tom, coming on before the + rest. + </p> + <p> + “'Uncle,' says Dick, 'did you get my father? for I must fly back with word + to my mother, like lightning.' + </p> + <p> + “'Come here, Dick,' says Tom; 'God help you, my poor bouchal (* boy)—Come + here, and walk alongside of me, for you can't go back to your mother, till + I see her first—God help you, my poor bouchal, it's you that's to be + pitied, this blessed and sorrowful day;' and the poor fellow could by no + means keep in the tears. But he was saved the trouble of breaking the + dismal tidings to poor Sally; for as she stood watching the crowd, she saw + a door carried upon their shoulders, with something like a man stretched + upon it. She turned in, feeling as if a bullet had gone through her head, + and sat down with her back to the door, for fraid she might see the + thruth, for she couldn't be quite sure, they we're at such a distance. At + last she ventured to take another look out, for she couldn't bear what she + felt within her, and just as she rose and came to the door, the first + thing she saw coming down the hill a little above the house, was the body + of her husband stretched on a door—dead. At that minute, her + brother-in-law, Tom, just entered, in time to prevent her and the child + she had in her arms from falling on the flure. She had seen enough, God + help her!—for she took labor that instant, and, in about two hours, + afterwards, was stretched a corpse beside her husband, with her + heart-broken and desolate orphans in an uproar of outher misery about + them. That was the end of Larry M'Farland and Sally Lowry; two that might + have done well in the world, had they taken care of themselves—avoided, + fairs and markets—except when they had business there—not + given themselves idle fashions by drinking, or going to dances, and + wrought as well for themselves as they did for others.” + </p> + <p> + “But how did he lose his life, at all at all?” inquired Nancy. + </p> + <p> + “Why, they found his hat in a bog-hole upon the water, and on searching + the hole itself poor Larry was fished up from the bottom of it.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, that's a murdhering sorrowful story,” said Shane Fadh: “but you + won't be after passing that on us for the wake, ainy how.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, you must learn patience, Shane,” said the narrator, “for you know + patience is a virtue.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll warrant you that Tom and his wife made a better hand of themselves,” + said Alick M'Kinley, “than Larry and Sally did.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! I wouldn't fear, Alick,” said Tom, “but you would come at the truth—'tis + you that may say they did; there wasn't two in the parish more comfortable + than the same two, at the very time that Larry and Sally came by their + deaths. It would do you good to look at their hagyard—the corn + stacks were so nately roped and trimmed, and the walls so well made up, + that a bird could scarcely get into it. Their barn and cowhouse, too, and + dwelling-house, were all comfortably thatched, and the windies all glazed, + with not a broken pane in them. Altogether they had come on wondherfully; + sould a good dale of male and praties every year; so that in a short time + they were able to lay by a little money to help to fortune off their + little girls, that were growing up fine colleens, all out.” + </p> + <p> + “And you may add, I suppose,” said Andy Morrow, “that they lost no time + going to fairs and dances, or other foolish divarsions. I'll engage they + never were at a dance in the Squire's kitchen; that they never went about + losing their time working for others, when their own business was going at + sixes and sevens, for want of hands; nor spent their money drinking and + thrating a parcel of friends that only laugh at them for their pains, and + wouldn't, maybe, put one foot past the other to sarve them; nor never + fought and abused one another for what they both were guilty of.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” says Tom, “you have saved me some trouble, Mr. Morrow, for you + just said, to a hair, what they were. But I mustn't forget to mintion one + thing that I saw the morning of the berril. We were,—about a dozen + neighbors of us, talking in the street, just before the door; both the + hagyards were forninst us—Tom's snug and nate—but Charley + Lawdher had to go over from where we stood to drive the pig out of poor + Larry's. There was one of the stacks with the side out of it, just as he + had drawn away the sheaves from time to time; for the stack leaned to one + side, and he pulled sheaves out of the other side to keep it straight. + Now, Mr. Morrow, wasn't he an unfortunate man? for whoever would go down + to Squire Dickson's hagyard, would see the same Larry's handiwork so + beautiful and illegant, though his own was in such <i>brutheen</i>.* Even + his barn to wrack; and he was obliged to thrash his oats in the open air + when ther would be a frost, and he used to lose one-third of it; and if + there came a thaw, 'twould almost brake the crathur.” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Brutheen is potatoes champed with butter. Anything in a + loose, broken, and irregular state, is said to be in + brutheen—that is in disorder and contusion. +</pre> + <p> + “God knows,” said Nancy, looking over at Ned very significantly, “and + Larry's not alone in neglecting his business; that is, if certain people + were allowed to take their own way; but the truth of it is, that he met + with a bad woman. If he had a careful, sober, industrious wife of his own, + that would take care of the house and place—(<i>Biddy, will you hand + me over that other dew out of the windy-stool there till I finish this + stocking for Ned</i>)—the story would have another ending any how.” + </p> + <p> + “In throth,” said Tom, “that's no more than thruth, Nancy; but he had not, + and everything went to the bad with them entirely.” + </p> + <p> + “It's a thousand pities he hadn't yourself, Nancy,” said Alick, grinning; + “if he had, I haven't the laste doubt at all, but he'd die worth money.” + </p> + <p> + “Go on, Alick—go on, Avick; I will give you lave to have your joke, + any way; for it's you that's the patthern to any man that would wish to + thrive in the world.” + </p> + <p> + “If Ned dies, Nancy, I don't know a woman I'd prefer; I'm now a widdy' + these five years; and I feel, somehow, particularly since I began to spend + my evenings here, that I'm disremembering very much the old proverb—a + burnt child, dreads the fire.'” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The peasantry of a great portion of Ireland use this word + as applicable to both sexes. +</pre> + <p> + “Thank you, Alick; you think I swallow that; but as for Ned, the never a + fear of him; except that an increasing stomach is a sign of something; or + what's the best chance of all, Alick, for you and me, that he should meet + Larry's fate in some of his drunken fits.” + </p> + <p> + “Now, Nancy,” says Ned, “there's no use in talking that way; it's only + last Thursday, Mr. Morrow, that, in presence of her own brother, Jemmy + Connolly, the breeches-maker, and Billy M'Kinny, there, that I put my two + five fingers acrass, and swore solemnly by them five crosses, that, except + my mind changed, I'd never drink more nor one-half pint of spirits and + three pints of porther in a day.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, hould your tongue, Ned—hould your tongue, and don't make me + spake,” said Nancy; “God help you! many a time you've put the same fingers + acrass, and many a time your mind has changed; but I'll say no more now—wait + till we see how you'll keep it.” + </p> + <p> + “Healths a-piece, your sowls,” said Ned, winking at the company. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Tom,” said Andy Morrow, “about the wake?” + </p> + <p> + “Och, och! that was the merry wake, Mr. Morrow. From that day to this I + remarked, that, living or dead, them that won't respect themselves, or + take care of their families, won't be respected: and sure enough, I saw + full proof of that same at poor Larry's wake. Many a time afterwards I + pitied the childher, for if they had seen better, they wouldn't turn out + as they did—all but the two youngest, that their uncle took to + himself, and reared afterwards; but they had no one to look afther them, + and how could it be expected from what they seen, that good could come of + them? Squire Dickson gave Tom the other seven acres, although he could + have got a higher rint from others; but he was an industrious man that + desarved encouragement, and he got it.” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose Tom was at the expense of Larry's berrin, as well as of his + marriage,” said Alick. + </p> + <p> + “In troth and he was,” said Tom, “although he didn't desarve it from him + when he was alive;* seeing he neglected many a good advice that Tom and + his dacent woman of a wife often gave him; for all that, blood is thicker + than wather—and it's he that waked and berried him dacently; by the + same token that there was both full and plenty of the best over him: and + everything, as far as Tom was consarned, dacint and creditable about the + place.” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * The genuine blunders of the Irish—not those studied for + them by men ignorant of their modes of expression and habits + of life—are always significant, clear, and full of strong + sense and moral truth. +</pre> + <p> + “He did it for his own sake, of coorse,” said Nancy, “bekase one wouldn't + wish, if—they had it at all, to see any one belonging to them worse + off than another at their wake or berrin.” + </p> + <p> + “Thrue for you, Nancy,” said M'Roarkin, “and, indeed, Tom was well spoken + of by the neighbors for his kindness to his brother after his death; and + luck and grace attended him for it, and the world flowed upon him before + it came to his own turn.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, when a body dies even a natural death, it's wondherful how soon it + goes about; but when they come to an untimely one, it spreads like fire on + a dry mountain.” + </p> + <p> + “Was there no inquest?” asked Andy Morrow. + </p> + <p> + “The sorra inquist, not making you an ill answer, sir—the people + weren't so exact in them days: but any how the man was dead, and what good + could an inquist do him? The only thing that grieved them was, that they + both died without the priest; and well it might, for it's an awful thing + entirely to die without having the clargy's hands over a body. I tould you + that the news of his death spread over all the counthry in less than no + time. Accordingly, in the coorse of the day, their relations began to come + to the place; but, any way, messengers had been sent especially for them. + </p> + <p> + “The squire very kindly lent sheets for them both to be laid out in, and + mould candle-sticks to hould the lights; and, God he knows, 'twas a + grievous sight to see the father and mother both stretched beside one + another in their poor place, and their little orphans about them; the + gorsoons,—them that had sense enough to know their loss,—breaking + their hearts, the craythurs, and so hoarse, that they weren't able to cry + or spake. But, indeed, it was worse to see the two young things going + over, and wanting to get acrass to waken their daddy and mammy, poor + desolit childher! + </p> + <p> + “When the corpses were washed and dressed, they looked uncommonly well, + consitherin'. Larry, indeed, didn't bear death so well as Sally; but you + couldn't meet a purtier corpse than she was in a day's travelling. I say, + when they were washed and dressed, their friends and neighbors knelt down + around them, and offered up a Pather and Ave a-piece, for the good of + their sowls: when this was done, they all raised the keena, stooping over + them at a half bend, clapping their hands, and praising them, as far as + they could say anything good of them; and indeed, the craythurs, they were + never any one's enemy but their own, so that nobody could say an ill word + of either of them. Bad luck to it for potteen-work every day it rises! + only for it, that couple's poor orphans wouldn't be left without father or + mother as they were; nor poor Hurrish go the gray gate he did, if he had + his father living, may be; but having nobody to bridle him in, he took to + horse riding for the squire, and then to staling them for himself. He was + hanged afterwards, along with Peter Doraghy Crolly, that shot Ned Wilson's + uncle of the Black Hills. + </p> + <p> + “After the first keening, the friends and neighbors took their sates about + the corpse. In a short time, whiskey, pipes, snuff, and tobacco came, and + every one about the place got a glass and a fresh pipe. Tom, when he held + his glass in his hand, looking at his dead brother, filled up to the eyes, + and couldn't for some time get out a word; at last, when he was able to + spake—'Poor Larry,' says he, 'you're lying there low before me, and + many a happy day we spint with one another. When we were childher,' said + he, turning to the rest, 'we were never asunder; he was oulder nor me by + two years, and can I ever forget the leathering he gave Dick Rafferty long + ago, for hitting me with the rotten egg—although Dick was a great + dale bigger than either of us. God knows, although you didn't thrive in + life, either of you, as you might and could have done, there wasn't a more + neighborly or friendly couple in the parish they lived in; and now, God + help them both, and their poor orphans over them! Larry, acushla, your + health, and Sally, yours; and may God Almighty have marcy on both your + sowls.' + </p> + <p> + “After this, the neighbors began to flock in more generally. When any + relation of the corpses would come, as soon, you see, as they'd get inside + the door, whether man or woman, they'd raise the shout of a keena, and all + the people about the dead would begin along with them, stooping over them + and clapping their hands as before. + </p> + <p> + “Well, I said, it's it that was the merry wake, and that was only the + thruth, neighbors. As soon as night came, all the young boys and girls + from the countryside about them flocked to it in scores. In a short time + the house was crowded; and maybe there wasn't laughing, and story-telling, + and singing, and smoking, and drinking, and crying—all going on, + heller-skelter, together. When they'd be all in full chorus this way, may + be, some new friend or relation, that wasn't there before, would come in, + and raise the keena; of coorse, the youngsters would then keep quiet; and + if the person coming in was from the one neighborhood with any of them + that were so merry, as soon as he'd raise the shout, the merry folks would + rise up, begin to pelt their hands together, and cry along with him till + their eyes would be as red as a ferret's. That once over, they'd be down + again at the songs, and divarsion, and divilment—just as if nothing + of the kind had taken place: the other would then shake hands with the + friends of the corpses, get a glass or two, and a pipe, and in a few + minutes be as merry as the best of them.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said Andy Morrow, “I should like to know if the Scotch and English + are such heerum-skeerum kind of people as we Irishmen are.” + </p> + <p> + “Musha, in throth I'm sure they're not,” says Nancy, “for I believe that + Irishmen are like nobody in the wide world but themselves; quare crathurs, + that'll laugh or cry, or fight with any one, just for nothing else, good + or bad but company.” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed, and you all know, that what I'm sayin's thruth, except Mr. Morrow + there, that I'm telling it to, bekase he's not in the habit of going to + wakes; although, to do him justice he's very friendly in going to a + neighbor's funeral; and, indeed, <i>kind father for you</i>* Mr. Morrow, + for it's he that was a real good hand at going to such places. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * That is, in this point you are the, same kind as your + father; possessing that prominent trait in his disposition + or character. +</pre> + <p> + “Well, as I was telling you, there was great sport going on. In one + corner, you might see a knot of ould men sitting together, talking over + ould times—ghost stores, fairy tales, or the great rebellion of '41, + and the strange story of Lamh Dearg, or the <i>bloody hand</i>—that, + maybe, I'll tell you all some other night, plase God: there they'd sit + smoking—their faces quite plased with the pleasure of the pipe—amusing + themselves and a crowd of people, that would be listening to them with + open mouth. Or, it's odd, but there would be some droll young fellow among + them, taking a rise out of them; and, positively, he'd often find, them + able enough for him, particularly ould Ned Magin, that wanted at the time + only four years of a hundred. The Lord be good to him, and rest his sowl + in glory, it's he that was the pleasant ould man, and could tell a story + with any one that ever got up. + </p> + <p> + “In another corner there was a different set, bent on some piece of + divilment of their own. The boys would be sure to get beside their + sweethearts, any how; and if there was a purty girl, as you may set it + down there was, it's there the <i>skroodging</i>, (* pressure of the + crowd) and the pushing, and the shoving, and, sometimes, the knocking down + itself, would be, about seeing who'd get her. There's ould Katty Duffy, + that's now as crooked as the hind leg of a dog, and it's herself was then + as straight as a rush, and as blooming as a rose—Lord bless us, what + an alteration time makes upon the strongest and fairest of us!—it's + she that was the purty girl that night, and it's myself that gave Frank + M'Shane, that's still alive to acknowledge it, the broad of his back upon + the flure, when he thought to pull her off my knee. The very gorsoons and + girshas were sporting away among themselves, and learning one another to + smoke in the dark corners. But all this, Mr. Morrow, took place in the + corpse-house, before ten or eleven o'clock at night; after that time the + house got too thronged entirely, and couldn't huld the half of them; so by + jing, off we set, maning all the youngsters of us, both boys and girls, + out to Tom's barn, that was <i>red up</i> (* Cleared up for us—set + in order), there to commence the plays. When we were gone, the ould people + had more room, and they moved about on the sates we had left them. In the + mane time, lashings of tobacco and snuff, cut in platefuls, and piles of + fresh new pipes, were laid on the table for any one that wished to use + them. + </p> + <p> + “When we got to the barn, it's then we <i>took our pumps off</i> (* Threw + aside all restraint) in airnest—by the hokey, such sport you never + saw. The first play we began was <i>Hot-loof</i>; and maybe there wasn't + skelping then. It was the two parishes of Errigle-Keeran and + Errigle-Truagh against one another. There was the Slip from Althadhawan, + for Errigle-Truagh, against Pat M'Ardle, that had married Lanty Gorman's + daughter of Cargach, for Errigle-Keeran. The way they play it, Mr. Morrow, + is this—two young men out of each parish go out upon the flure—one + of them stands up, then bends himself, sir, at a half bend, placing his + left hand behind on the back part of his ham, keeping it there to receive + what it's to get. Well, there he stands, and the other coming behind him, + places his left foot out before him, doubles up the cuff of his coat, to + give his hand and wrist freedom: he then rises his right arm, coming down + with the heel of his hand upon the other fellow's palm, under him, with + full force. By jing, it's the divil's own divarsion; for you might as well + get a stroke of a sledge as a blow from one of them able, hard-working + fellows, with hands upon them like lime-stone. When the fellow that's down + gets it hot and heavy, the man that struck him stands bent in his place, + and some friend of the other comes down upon him, and pays him for what + the other fellow got. + </p> + <p> + “In this way they take it, turn about, one out of each parish, till it's + over; for I believe if they were to pelt one another <i>since</i> (* from + that hour to this), that they'd never give up. Bless my soul, but it was + terrible to hear the strokes that the Slip and Pat M'Ardle did give that + night. The Slip was a young fellow upwards of six feet, with great able + bones and little flesh, but terrible thick shinnins (*sinews); his wrist + was as hard and strong as a bar of iron. M'Ardle was a low, broad man, + with a rucket head and bull neck, and a pair of shoulders that you could + hardly get your arms about, Mr. Morrow, long as they are; it's he, indeed, + that was the firm, well built chap, entirely. At any rate, a man might as + well get a kick from a horse as a stroke from either of them. + </p> + <p> + “Little Jemmy Teague, I remimber, struck a cousin of the Slip's a very + smart blow, that made him dance about the room, and blow his fingers for + ten minutes after it. Jemmy, himself, was a tight, smart fellow. When the + Slip saw what his cousin had got, he rises up, and stands over Jemmy so + coolly, and with such good humor, that every one in the house trembled for + poor Jemmy, bekase, you see, whenever the Slip was bent on mischief, he + used always to grin. Jemmy, however, kept himself bent firm; and to do him + justice, didn't flinch from under the stroke, as many of them did—no, + he was like a rock. Well, the Slip, as I said, stood over him, fixing + himself for the stroke, and coming down with such a pelt on poor Jemmy's + hand, that the first thing we saw was the blood acrass the Slip's own legs + and feet, that had burst out of poor Jemmy's finger-ends. The Slip then + stooped to receive the next blow himself, and you may be sure there was + above two dozen up to be at him. No matter; one man they all gave way to, + and that was Pat M'Ardle. + </p> + <p> + “'Hould away,' says Pat,—'clear off, boys, all of you—this + stroke's mine by right, any how;—and,' says he, swearing a terrible + oath, 'if you don't sup sorrow for that stroke,' says he to the Slip, 'why + Pat M'Ardle's not behind you here.' + </p> + <p> + “He, then, up with his arm, and came down—why, you would think that + the stroke he gave the Slip had druv his right hand into his body: but, + any way, it's he that took full satisfaction for what his cousin got; for + if the Slip's fingers had been cut off at the tops, the blood couldn't + spring out from under his nails more nor it did. After this the Slip + couldn't strike another blow, bekase his hand was disabled out and out. + </p> + <p> + “The next play they went to was the <i>Sitting Brogue</i>. This is played + by a ring of them sitting down upon the bare ground, keeping their knees + up. A shoemaker's leather apron is then got, or a good stout brogue, and + sent round under their knees. In the mane time one stands in the middle; + and after the brogue is sent round, he is to catch it as soon as he can. + While he stands there, of course, his back must be to some one, and + accordingly those that are behind him thump him right and left with the + brogue, while he, all the time, is striving to catch it. Whoever he + catches this brogue with must stand up in his place, while he sits down + where the other had been, and then the play goes on as before. + </p> + <p> + “There's another play called the <i>Standing Brogue</i>—where one + man gets a brogue of the same kind, and another stands up facing him with + his hands locked together, forming an arch turned upside down. The man + that houlds the brogue then strikes him with it betune the hands; and even + the smartest fellow receives several pelts before he is able to close his + hands and catch it; but when he does, he becomes brogueman, and the man + who held the brogue stands for him, until he catches it. The same thing is + gone through, from one, to another, on each side, until it is over. + </p> + <p> + “The next is <i>Frimsy Framty</i>, and is played in this manner:—A + chair or stool is placed in the middle of the flure, and the man who + manages the play sits down upon it, and calls his sweetheart, or the + prettiest girl in the house. She, accordingly, comes forward, and must + kiss him. He then rises up, and she sits down. 'Come, now,' he says, 'fair + maid—Frimsy framsy, who's your fancy?' She then calls them she likes + best, and when the young man she calls comes over and kisses her, he then + takes her place, and calls another girl—and so on, smacking away for + a couple of hours. Well, throth, it's no wonder that Ireland's full of + people; for I believe they do nothing but coort from the time they're the + hoith of my leg. I dunno is it true, as I hear Captain Sloethern's steward + say, that the Englishwomen are so fond of Irishmen?” + </p> + <p> + “To be sure it is,” said Shane Fadh; “don't I remimber myself, when Mr. + Fowler went to England—and he as fine looking a young-man, at the + time, as ever got into a saddle—he was riding up the street of + London, one day, and his servant after him—and by the same token he + was a thousand pound worse than nothing; but no matter for that, you see + luck was before him—what do you think, but a rich dressed livery + servant came out, and stopping the Squire's man, axed whose servant he + was? + </p> + <p> + “'Why, thin,' says Ned Magavran, who-was his body servant at the time, + 'bad luck to you, you spalpeen, what a question do you ax, and you have + eyes in your head!' says he—'hard feeling to you!' says he, 'you + vagabone, don't you see I'm my master's?' + </p> + <p> + “The Englishman laughed. 'I know that, Paddy,' says he—for they call + us all Paddies in England, as if we had only one name among us, the + thieves; 'but I wish to know his name,' says the Englishman. + </p> + <p> + “'You do!' says Ned; 'and by the powers!' says he, 'but you must first + tell me which side of the head you'd wish to hear it an.' + </p> + <p> + “'Oh! as for that,' says the Englishman—not up to him, you see——'I + don't care much, Paddy, only let me hear it, and where he lives.' + </p> + <p> + “'Just keep your ground, then,' says Ned, 'till I light off this + blood-horse of mine'—he was an ould garron that was fattened up, not + worth forty shillings—'this blood-horse of mine,' says Ned, 'and + I'll tell you.' + </p> + <p> + “So down he gets, and lays the Englishman sprawling in the channel. + </p> + <p> + “' Take that, you vagabone! says he, and it'll larn you to call people by + their right names agin: I was christened as well as you, you spalpeen!' + </p> + <p> + “All this time the lady was looking out of the windy, breaking her heart + laughing at Ned and the servant; but, behould!—she knew a thing or + two, it seems; for, instead of sending a man at all at all, what does she + do but sends her own maid—a very purty girl, who comes up to Ned, + putting the same question to him. + </p> + <p> + “'What's his name, avourneen?' says Ned, melting, to be sure, at the sight + of her 'Why, then, darling, who could refuse you anything?—but, you + jewel! by the hoky, you must bribe me or I'm dumb,' says he. + </p> + <p> + “'How could I bribe you?' says she, with a sly smile—for Ned himself + was a well-looking young fellow at the time. + </p> + <p> + “'I'll show you that,' says Ned, 'if you tell me where you live; but, for + fraid you forget it—with them two lips of your own, my darling.' + </p> + <p> + “'There, in that great house,' says the maid; 'my mistress is one of the + beautifullest and richest young ladies in London, and she wishes to know + where your master could be heard of.' + </p> + <p> + “'Is that the house?' says Ned, pointing to it. + </p> + <p> + “'Exactly', says she: 'that's it.' 'Well, acushla,' says he, 'you've a + purty and an innocent-looking face; but I'm tould there's many a trap in + London well baited. Just only run over while I'm looking at you, and let + me see that purty face of yours smiling at me out of the windy that that + young lady is peeping at us from.' + </p> + <p> + “This she had to do. + </p> + <p> + “'My master,' thought Ned, while she was away, 'will aisily find out what + kind of a house it is, any how, if that be it.' + </p> + <p> + “In a short time he saw her in the windy, and Ned then gave her a sign to + come down to him. + </p> + <p> + “'My master,' says he, 'never was afeard to show his face, or tell his + name to any one—he's a Squire Fowler,' says he—'a Sarjen-major + in a great militia regiment: he shot five men in his time; and there's not + a gentleman in the country he lives in that dare say Boo to his blanket. + And now, what's your name,' says Ned, 'you flattering little blackguard + you?' + </p> + <p> + “'My name's Betty Cunningham,' says she. + </p> + <p> + “'And next, what's your mistress's, my darling?' says Ned. + </p> + <p> + “'There it is,' says she, handing him a card. + </p> + <p> + “'Very well,' says Ned, the thief, looking at it with a great air, making + as if he could read; 'this will just do, a <i>colleen bawn</i>.' + </p> + <p> + “'Do you read in your country with the wrong side of the print up?' says + she. + </p> + <p> + “'Up or down,' says Ned, 'it's all one to us in Ireland; but, any how, I'm + left-handed, you deluder!' + </p> + <p> + “The upshot of it was, that her mistress turned out to be a great hairess, + and a great beauty; and she and Fowler got married in less than a month. + So, you see, it's true enough that the Englishwomen are fond of Irishmen,” + says Shane; “but, Tom, with, submission for stopping you, go on with your + Wake.” + </p> + <p> + “The next play, then, is Marrying——” + </p> + <p> + “Hooh!” says Andy Morrow, “why, all their plays are about kissing and + marrying, and the like of that.” + </p> + <p> + “Surely and they are, sir,” says Tom. + </p> + <p> + “It's all the nathur of the baste,” says Alick. + </p> + <p> + “The next is marrying. A bouchal puts an ould dark coat on him, and if he + can, borry a wig from any of the ould men in the wake-house, why, well and + good, he's the liker his work—this is the priest; he takes, and + drives all the young men out of the house, and shuts the door upon them, + so, that they can't get in till he lets them. He then ranges the girls all + beside one another, and, going to the first, makes her name him she wishes + to be her husband; this she does, of coorse, and the priest lugs him in, + shutting the door upon the rest. He then pronounces this marriage sarvice, + when the husband smacks her first, and then the priest:—'Amo amas, + avourneen—in nomine gomine, betwuxt and between—for hoc erat + in votis, squeeze 'em please 'em—omnia vincit amor, wid two horns to + caput nap it—poluphlasboio, the lasses—'Quid,' says Cleopatra; + 'Shid,' says Antony—ragibus et clatibus solemus stapere windous—nine + months—big-bottle, and a honeymoon—Alneas poque Dido' poque + Roymachree—hum not fiem viat—lag rag, merry kerry, Parawig and + breeches—hoc manifestibus omnium—Kiss your wife under the + nose, then seek repose.' 'Tis' done,' says the priest. 'Vinculum + trinculum; and now you're married. Amen!' Well, these two are married, and + he places his wife upon his knee, for fraid of taking up too much room, <i>you + persave</i>; there they coort away again, and why shouldn't they? + </p> + <p> + “The priest then goes to the next, and makes her name her husband; this is + complied with, and he is brought in after the same manner, but no one else + till they're called: he is then married, and kisses his wife, and the + priest kisses her after him; and so they're all married. + </p> + <p> + “But if you'd see them that don't chance to be called at all, the figure + they cut—slipping into some dark corner, to avoid the mobbing they + get from the priest and the others. When they're all united, they must + each sing a song—man and wife, according as they sit; or if they + can't sing, or get some one to do it for them, they're divorced. But the + priest, himself, usually lilts for any one that's not able to give a + verse. You see, Mr. Morrow, there's always in the neighborhood some droll + fellow that takes all these things upon him, and if he happened to be + absent, the wake would be quite dull.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said Andy Morrow, “have you any more of their sports; Tom?” + </p> + <p> + “Ay, have I; one of the best and pleasantest you heard yet.” + </p> + <p> + “I hope there's no more coorting in it,” says Nancy; “God knows we're + tired of their kissing and marrying.” + </p> + <p> + “Were you always so?” says Ned, across the fire to her. + </p> + <p> + “Behave yourself, Ned,” says she; “don't you make me spake; sure you were + set down as the greatest Brine-oge that ever was known, in the parish, for + such things.” + </p> + <p> + “No, but don't you make <i>me</i> spake,” replies Ned. + </p> + <p> + “Here, Biddy,” said Nancy, “bring that uncle of yours another pint; that's + what he wants most at the present time, I'm thinking.” + </p> + <p> + Biddy, accordingly, complied with this. + </p> + <p> + “Don't make <i>me</i> spake,” continued Ned. + </p> + <p> + “Come, Ned,” she replied, “you've got a fresh pint now; so drink it, and + give me no more <i>gosther</i>. (* Gossip—Idle talk.) + </p> + <p> + “<i>Shuid-urth!</i>”* says Ned, putting the pint to his head, and winking + slyly at the rest. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * This to you, or upon you; a form of drinking healths. +</pre> + <p> + “Ay, wink; in troth I'll be up to you for that, Ned,” says Nancy; by no + means satisfied that Ned should enter into particulars. “Well, Tom,” says + she, diverting the conversation, “go on, and give us the remainder of your + Wake.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” says Tom, “the next play is in the milintary line. You see, Mr. + Morrow, the man that leads the sports places them all on their sates, gets + from some of the girls a white handkerchief, which he ties round his hat, + as you would tie a piece of mourning; he then walks round them two or + three times singing, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Will you list and come with me, fair maid? + Will'you list and come with me, fair maid? + Will you list and come with me, fair maid, + And folly the lad with the white cockade? +</pre> + <p> + “When he sings this he takes off his hat, and puts it on the head of the + girl he likes best, who rises up and puts her arm around him, and then + they both go about in the same way, singing the same words. She then puts + the hat on some young man, who gets up and goes round with them, singing + as before. He next puts it on the girl he loves best, who, after singing + and going round in the same manner, puts it on another, and he on his + sweetheart, and so on. This is called the White Cockade. When it's all + over, that is, when every young man has pitched upon the girl that he + wishes to be his sweetheart, they sit down, and sing songs, and coort, as + they did at the marrying. + </p> + <p> + “After this comes the <i>Weds or Forfeits</i>, or what they call putting + round the button. Every one gives in a forfeit—the boys a + neck-handkerchief or a pen-knife, and the girls a pocket-handkerchief or + something that way. The forfeit is held over them, and each of them stoops + in tarn. They are, then, compelled to command the person that owns that + forfeit to sing a song—to kiss such and such a girl—or to + carry some ould man, with his legs about their neck, three times round the + house, and this last is always great fun. Or, maybe, a young, upsetting + fellow, will be sent to kiss some toothless, slavering, ould woman, just + to punish him; or if a young woman is any way saucy, she'll have to kiss + some ould, withered fellow, his tongue hanging with age half way down his + chin, and the tobacco water trickling from each comer of his mouth. + </p> + <p> + “By jingo, many a time, when the friends of the corpse would be breaking + their very hearts with grief and affliction, I have seen them obligated to + laugh out, in spite of themselves, at the drollery of the priest, with, + his ould black coat and wig upon him; and when the laughing fit would be + over, to see them rocking themselves again with the sorrow—so sad. + The best man for managing such sports in this neighborhood, for many a + year, was Roger M'Cann, that lives up as you go to the mountains. You + wouldn't begrudge to go ten miles the cowldest winter night that ever + blew, to see and hear Roger. + </p> + <p> + “There's another play that they call the <i>Priest of the Parish</i>, + which, is remarkably pleasant. One of the boys gets a wig upon himself as + before—goes out on the flure, places the boys in a row, calls one <i>his + man Jack</i> and says to each 'What will you be?' One answers 'I'll be + black cap;' another—red cap;' and so on. He then says, 'The priest + of the parish has lost his considhering cap some says this, and some says + that, but I say my man Jack!' Man Jack, then, to put it off himself, says, + Is it me, sir?' 'Yes, sir!' 'You lie, sir!' 'Who then, sir?' 'Black cap!' + If Black cap, then, doesn't say 'Is it me, sir?' before the priest has + time to call him, he must put his hand on his ham, and get a pelt of the + brogue. A body must be supple with the tongue in it. + </p> + <p> + “After this comes one they call <i>Horns, or the Painter</i>. A droll + fellow gets a lump of soot or lamp black, and after fixing a ring of the + boys and girls about him, he lays his two fore-fingers on his knees, and + says. 'Horns, horns, cow horns!' and then raises his finders by a jerk up + above his head; the boys and girls in the ring then do the same thing, for + the meaning of the play is this:—the man with the black'ning always + raises his fingers every time he names an animal; but if he names any that + has no horns, and that the others jerk up their fingers, then they must + get a stroke over the face with the soot. 'Horns, horns, goat horns!'—then + he ups with his fingers like lightning; they must all do the same, bekase + a goat has horns. Horns, horns, horse horns!'—he ups with them + again, but the boys and girls ought not, bekase a horse has not horns; + however any one that raises them then, gets a slake. So that it all comes + to this:—Any one, you see that lifts his fingers when an animal is + named that has no horns—or any one that does not raise them when a + baste is mintioned that has horns, will get a mark. It's a purty game, and + requires a keen eye and a quick hand; and, maybe, there's not fun in + straiking the soot over the purty, warm, rosy cheeks of the colleens, + while their eyes are dancing with delight in their heads, and their sweet + breath comes over so pleasant about one's face, the darlings!—Och! + och! + </p> + <p> + “There's another game they call the <i>Silly ould Man</i>, that's played + this way:—A ring of the boys and girls is made on the flure—boy + and girl about—holding one another by the hands; well and good—a + young fellow gets into the middle of the ring, as 'the silly ould Man.' + There he stands looking at all the girls to choose a wife, and, in the + mane time, the youngsters of the ring sing out— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Here's a silly ould Man that lies all alone, + That lies all alone, + That lies all alone; + Here's a silly ould man that lies all alone, + He wants a wife and he can get none. +</pre> + <p> + “When the' boys and girls sing this, the silly ould man must choose a wife + from some of the colleens belonging to the ring. Having made choice of + her, she goes into the ring along with him, and they all sing out— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Now, young couple, you're married together, + You're married together, + You're married together, + You must obey your father and mother, + And love one another like sister and brother— + I pray, young couple, you'll kiss together! +</pre> + <p> + “And you may be sure this part of the marriage is not missed, any way.” + </p> + <p> + “I doubt,” said Andy Morrow, “that good can't come of so much kissing, + marrying, and coorting.” + </p> + <p> + The narrator twisted his mouth knowingly, and gave a significant groan. + </p> + <p> + “<i>Be dhe husth</i>,* hould your tongue, Misther Morrow,” said he; “Biddy + avour-neen,” he continued, addressing Biddy and Bessy, “and Bessy, + alannah, just take a friend's advice, and never mind going to wakes; to be + sure there's plenty of fun and divarsion at sich places, but—healths + apiece!” putting the pint to his lips—“and that's all I say about + it.” + </p> + <p> + “Right enough, Tom,” observed Shane Fadh—“sure most of the matches + are planned at them, and, I may say, most of the runaways, too—poor, + young, foolish crathurs, going off, and getting themselves married; then + bringing small, helpless families upon their hands, without money or manes + to begin the world with, and afterwards likely to eat one another out of + the face for their folly; however, there's no putting ould heads upon + young shoulders, and I doubt, except the wakes are stopped altogether, + that it'll be the ould case still.” + </p> + <p> + “I never remember being at a counthry wake,” said Andy Morrow. “How is + everything laid out in the house?” + </p> + <p> + “Sure it's to you I'm telling the whole story, Mr. Morrow: these thieves + about me here know all about it as well as I do—the house, eh? Why, + you see, the two corpses were stretched beside one another, washed and + laid out. There were long deal boords with their ends upon two stools, + laid over the bodies; the boords were covered with a white sheet got at + the big house, so the corpses were'nt to be seen. On these, again, were + placed large mould candles, plates of cut tobacco, pipes, and snuff, and + so on. Sometimes corpses are waked in a bed, with their faces visible; + when that is the case, white sheets, crosses, and sometimes flowers, are + pinned up about the bed, except in the front; but when they're undher + boord, a set of ould women sit smoking, and rocking themselves from side + to side, quite sorrowful—these are keeners—friends or + relations; and when every one connected with the dead comes in, they raise + the keene, like a song of sorrow, wailing and clapping their hands. + </p> + <p> + “The furniture is mostly removed, and sates made round the walls, where + the neighbors sit smoking, chatting, and gosthering. The best of aiting + and dhrinking that they can afford is provided; and, indeed, there is + generally open house, for it's unknown how people injure themselves by + their kindness and waste at christenings, weddings, and wakes. + </p> + <p> + “In regard to poor Larry's wake—we had all this, and more at it; + for, as I obsarved a while agone, the man had made himself no friends when + he was living, and the neighbors gave a loose to all kinds of divilment + when he was dead. Although there's no man would be guilty of any + disrespect where the dead are, yet, when a person has led a good life, and + conducted themselves dacently and honestly, the young people of the + neighborhood show their respect by going through their little plays and + divarsions quieter and with less noise, lest they may give any offence; + but, as I said, whenever the person didn't live as they ought to do, + there's no stop to their noise and rollikin. + </p> + <p> + “When it drew near morning, every one of us took his sweetheart, and, + after convoying her home, we went to our own houses to get a little sleep—so + that was the end of poor Larry, M'Farland, and his wife, Sally Lowry. + </p> + <p> + “Success, Tom!” said Bill M'Kinnly “take a pull of the malt now, afther + the story, your soul!—But what was the funeral like?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, then, a poor berrin it was,” said Tom; “a miserable sight, God knows—just + a few of the neighbors; for those that used to take his thrate, and while + he had a shilling in his pocket blarney him up, not one of the skulking + thieves showed their faces at it—a good warning to foolish men that + throw their money down throats that haven't hearts anundher them.—But + boys, desarve another thrate, I think, afther my story!” This, we need + scarcely add, he was supplied with, and after some further desultory chat, + they again separated, with the intention of reassembling at Ned's on the + following night. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE BATTLE OF THE FACTIONS. + </h2> + <p> + Accordingly, the next evening found them all present, when it was + determined unanimously that Pat Frayne, the hedge schoolmaster, should + furnish them with the intellectual portion of the entertainment for that + night, their object being each to tell a story in his turn. + </p> + <p> + “Very well,” said Pat, “I am quite simultaneous to the wishes of the + company; but you will plaise to observe, that there is clay which is + moist, and clay which is not moist. Now, under certain circumstances, the + clay which is not moist, ought to be made moist, and one of those + circumstances that in which any larned person becomes loquacious, and + indulges in narrative. The philosophical raison, is decided on by + Socrates, and the great Phelim M'Poteen, two of the most celebrated + liquorary characters that ever graced the sunny side of a plantation, is, + that when a man commences a narration with his clay not moist, the said + narration is found, by all lamed experience, to be a very dry one—ehem!” + </p> + <p> + “Very right, Mr. Frayne,” replied Andy Morrow; “so in ordher to avoid a + dhry narrative, Nancy, give the masther a jug of your stoutest to wet his + whistle, and keep him in wind as he goes along.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you, Mr. Morrow—and in requital for your kindness, I will + elucidate you such a sample of unadulterated Ciceronian eloquence, as + would not be found originating from every chimney-corner in this Province, + anyhow. I am not bright, however, at oral relation. I have accordingly + composed into narrative the following tale, which is appellated 'The + Battle of the Factions:'— + </p> + <p> + “My grandfather, Connor O'Callaghan, though a tall, erect man, with white + flowing hair, like snow, that falls profusely about his broad shoulders, + is now in his eighty-third year: an amazing age, considhering his former + habits. His countenance is still marked with honesty and traces of hard + fighting, and his cheeks ruddy and cudgel-worn; his eyes, though not as + black as they often used to be, have lost very little of that nate fire + which characterizes the eyes of the O'Callaghans, and for which I myself + have been—but my modesty won't allow me to allude to that: let it be + sufficient for the present to say that there never was remembered so + handsome a man in his native parish, and that I am as like him as one + Cork-red phatie is to another. Indeed, it has been often said, that it + would be hard to meet an O'Callaghan without a black eye in his head. He + has lost his fore-teeth, however, a point in which, Unfortunately, I, + though his grandson, have strong resemblance to him. The truth is, they + were knocked out of him in rows, before he had reached his thirty-fifth + year—a circumstance which the kind reader will be pleased to receive + in extenuation for the same defect in myself. That, however, is but a + trifle, which never gave either of us much trouble. + </p> + <p> + “It pleased Providence to bring us through many hair-breadth escapes, with + our craniums uncracked; and when we considher that he, on taking a + retrogradation of his past life, can indulge in the plasing recollection + of having broken two skulls in his fighting days, and myself one, without + either of us getting a fracture in return, I think we have both rason to + be thankful. He was a powerful <i>bulliah battha</i> * in his day and + never met a man able to fight him, except big Mucldemurray, who stood + before him the greater part of an hour and a half, in the fair of + Knockimdowny, on the day that the first great fight took place—twenty + years afther the hard, frost—between the O'Callaghans and the + O'Hallaghans. The two men fought single hands—for both factions were + willing to let them try the engagement out, that they might see what side + could boast of having the best man. They began where you enter the north + side of Knockimdowny, and fought successively up to the other end, then + back again to the spot where they commenced, and afterwards up to the + middle of the town, right opposite to the market-place, where my + grandfather, by the same a-token, lost a grinder; but he soon took + satisfaction for that, by giving Mucldemurray a tip above the eye with the + end of an oak stick, dacently loaded with lead, which made the poor man + feel very quare entirely, for the few days that he survived it. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Literally the stroke of a cudgel; put for cudgel-player. +</pre> + <p> + “Faith, if an Irishman happened to be born in Scotland, he would find it + mighty inconvanient—afther losing two or three grinders in a row—to + manage the hard oaten bread that they use there; for which rason, God be + good to his sowl that first invented the phaties, anyhow, because a man + can masticate them without a tooth, at all at all. I'll engage, if larned + books were consulted, it would be found out that he was an Irishman. I + wonder that neither Pastorini nor Columbkill mentions anything about him + in their prophecies concerning the church; for my own part, I'm strongly + inclinated to believe that it must have been Saint Patrick himself; and I + think that his driving all kinds of venomous reptiles out of the kingdom + is, according to the Socrastic method of argument, an undeniable proof of + it. The subject, to a dead certainty, is not touched upon in the Brehon + Code,* nor by any of the three Psalters,** which is extremely odd, seeing + that the earth never produced a root equal to it in the multiplying force + of prolification. It is, indeed, the root of prosperity to a fighting + people: and many a time my grandfather boasts to this day, that the first + bit of bread he ever ett was a phatie. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * This was the old code of laws peculiar to Ireland before + the introduction of English legislation into it. + + ** There was properly only two Psalters, those of Tara and + Cashel. The Psalters were collections of genealogical + history, partly in verse; from which latter circumstances + they had their name. +</pre> + <p> + “In mentioning my grandfather's fight with Mucldemurray, I happened to + name them blackguards, the O'Hallaghans: hard fortune to the same set, for + they have no more discretion in their quarrels, than so many Egyptian + mummies, African buffoons, or any other uncivilized animals. It was one of + them, he that's married to my own fourth cousin, Biddy O'Callaghan, that + knocked two of my grinders out, for which piece of civility I had the + satisfaction of breaking a splinter or two in his carcase, being always + honestly disposed to pay my debts. + </p> + <p> + “With respect to the O'Hallaghans, they and our family, have been next + neighbors since before the Flood—and that's as good as two hundred + years; for I believe it's 198, any how, since my great grandfather's + grand-uncle's ould mare was swept out of the 'Island,' in the dead of the + night, about half an hour after the whole country had been ris out of + their beds by the thunder and lightning. Many a field of oats and many a + life, both of beast and Christian, was lost in it, especially of those + that lived on the bottoms about the edge of the river: and it was true for + them that said it came before something; for the next year was one 'of the + hottest summers ever remembered in Ireland. + </p> + <p> + “These O'Hallaghans couldn't be at peace with a saint. Before they and our + faction, began to quarrel, it's said that the O'Donnells, or Donnells, and + they had been at it,—and a blackguard set the same O'Donnells were, + at all times—in fair and market, dance, wake, and berrin, setting + the country on fire. Whenever they met, it was heads cracked and bones + broken; till by degrees the O'Donnells fell away, one after another, from + fighting, accidents, and hanging; so that at last there was hardly the + name of one of them in the neighborhood. The O'Hallaghans, after this, had + the country under themselves—were the cocks of the walk entirely;—who + but they? A man darn't look crooked at them, or he was certain of getting + his head in his fist. And when they'd get drunk in a fair, it was nothing + but 'Whoo! for the O'Hallaghans!' and leaping yards high off the pavement, + brandishing their cudgels over their heads, striking their heels against + their hams, tossing up their hats; and when all would fail, they'd strip + off their coats, and trail them up and down the street, shouting, 'Who + dare touch the coat of an O'Hallaghan? Where's the blackguard Donnells + now?'—and so on, till flesh and blood couldn't stand it. + </p> + <p> + “In the course of time, the whole country was turned against them; for no + crowd could get together in which they didn't kick up a row, nor a bit of + stray fighting couldn't be, but they'd pick it up first; and if a man + would venture to give them a contrary answer, he was sure to get the crame + of a good welting for his pains. The very landlord was timorous of them; + for when they'd get behind in their rint, hard fortune to the bailiff, or + proctor, or steward, he could find, that would have anything to say to + them. And the more wise they; for maybe, a month would hardly pass till + all belonging to them in the world would be in a heap of ashes: and who + could say who did it? for they were as cunning as foxes. + </p> + <p> + “If one of them wanted a wife, it was nothing but find out the purtiest + and the richest farmer's daughter in the neighborhood, and next march into + her father's house, at the dead hour of night, tie and gag every mortal in + it, and off with her to some friend's place in another part of the + country. Then what could be done? If the girl's parents didn't like to + give in, their daughter's name was sure to be ruined; at all events, no + other man would think of marrying her, and the only plan was, to make the + best of a bad bargain; and God He knows, it was making a bad bargain for a + girl to have any matrimonial concatenation with the same O'Hallaghans; for + they always had the bad drop in them, from first to last, from big to + little—the blackguards! But wait, it's not over with them yet. + </p> + <p> + “The bone of contintion that got, between them and our faction was this + circumstance; their lands and ours were divided by a river that ran down + from the high mountains of Slieve Boglish, and, after a coorse of eight or + ten miles, disembogued itself, first into George Duffy's mill-dam, and + afterwards into that superb stream, the Blackwater, that might be well and + appropriately appellated the Irish Niger. This river, which, though small + at first, occasionally inflated itself to such a gigantic altitude, that + it swept away cows, corn, and cottages, or whatever else happened to be in + the way, was the march ditch, or merin between our farms. Perhaps it is + worth while remarking, as a solution for natural philosophers, that these + inundations were much more frequent in winter than in summer; though, when + they did occur in summer, they were truly terrific. + </p> + <p> + “God be with the days, when I and half a dozen gorsoons used to go out, of + a warm Sunday in summer, the bed of the river nothing but a line of white + meandering stones, so hot that you could hardly stand upon, them, with a + small obscure thread of water creeping invisibly among them, hiding + itself, as it were, from the scorching sun; except here and there, that + you might find a small crystal pool where the streams had accumulated. Our + plan was to bring a pocketful of roche lime with us, and put it into the + pool, when all the fish used to rise on the instant to the surface, + gasping with open mouth for fresh air, and we had only to lift them out of + the water; a nate plan which, perhaps, might be adopted successfully, on a + more extensive scale, by the Irish fisheries. Indeed, I almost regret that + I did not remain in that station of life, for I was much happier then than + ever I was since I began to study and practice larning. But this is + vagating from the subject. + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, I have said that them O'Hallaghans lived beside us, and that + this stream divided our lands. About half a quarter—i. e., to + accommodate myself to the vulgar phraseology—or, to speak more + scientifically, one-eighth of a mile from our house was as purty a hazel + glen as you'd wish to see, near half a mile long—its developments + and proportions were truly classical. In the bottom of this glen was a + small green island, about twelve yards, diametrically, of Irish + admeasurement, that is to say, be the same more or less; at all events, it + lay in the way of the river, which, however, ran towards the O'Hallaghan + side, and, consequently, the island was our property. + </p> + <p> + “Now, you'll observe, that this river had been, for ages, the merin + between the two farms, for they both belonged to separate landlords, and + so long as it kept the O'Hallighan side of the little peninsula in + question there could be no dispute about it, for all was clear. One wet + winter, however, it seemed to change its mind upon the subject; for it + wrought and wore away a passage for itself on our side of the island, and + by that means took part, as it were, with the O'Hallighans leaving the + territory which had been our property for centhries, in their possession. + This was a vexatious change to us, and, indeed, eventually produced very + feudal consequences. No sooner had the stream changed sides, than the + O'Hallaghans claimed the island as theirs, according to their tenement; + and we, having had it for such length of time in our possession, could not + break ourselves of the habitude of occupying it. They incarcerated our + cattle, and we incarcerated theirs. They summoned us to their landlord, + who was a magistrate; and we summoned them to ours, who was another. The + verdicts were north and south. Their landlord gave it in favor of them, + and ours in favor of us. The one said he had law on his side; the other, + that he had proscription and possession, length of time and usage. + </p> + <p> + “The two squires then fought a challenge upon the head of it, and what was + more singular, upon the disputed spot itself; the one standing on their + side, the other on ours; for it was just twelve paces every way. Their + friend was a small, light man, with legs like drumsticks; the other was a + large, able-bodied gentleman, with a red face and hooked nose. They + exchanged two shots, only one of which—the second—took effect. + It pastured upon their landlord's spindle leg, on which he held it out, + exclaiming, that while he lived he would never fight another challenge + with his antagonist, 'because,' said he, holding out his own spindle + shank, 'the man who could hit that could hit anything.' + </p> + <p> + <a name="linkimage-0007" id="linkimage-0007"> + <!-- IMG --></a> + </p> + <div class="fig" style="width:80%"> + <img src="images/page725.jpg" + alt="Page 725-- The Man Who Could Hit That Could Hit Anything " width="100%" /><br /> + </div> + <p> + “We then were advised, by an attorney, to go to law with them; and they + were advised by another attorney to go to law with us: accordingly, we did + so, and in the course of eight or nine years it might have been decided, + but just at the legal term approximated in which the decision was to be + announced, the river divided itself with mathematical exactitude on each + side of the island. This altered the state and law of the question in + toto; but, in the meantime, both we and the O'Hallaghans were nearly + fractured by the expenses. Now during the lawsuit we usually houghed and + mutilated each other's cattle, according as they trespassed the premises. + This brought on the usual concomitants of various battles, fought and won + by both sides, and occasioned the lawsuit to be dropped; for we found it a + mighty, inconvanient matter to fight it out both ways; by the same a-token + that I think it a proof of stultity to go to law at all at all, as long as + a person is able to take it into his own management. For the only + incongruity in the matter is this: that, in the one case, a set of lawyers + have the law in their hands, and, in the other, that you have it in your + own; that's the only difference, and 'tis easy knowing where the advantage + lies. + </p> + <p> + “We, however, paid the most of the expenses, and would have <i>ped</i> + them all with the greatest integrity, were it not that our attorney, when + about to issue an execution against our property, happened somehow to be + shot, one evening, as he returned home from a dinner which was given by + him that was attorney for the O'Hallaghans. Many a boast the O'Hallaghan's + made, before the quarrelling between us and them commenced, that they'd + sweep the streets with the fighting O'Callaghans, which was an epithet + that was occasionally applied to our family. We differed, however, + materially from them; for we were honorable, never starting out in dozens + on a single man or two, and beating him into insignificance. A couple, or + maybe, when irritated, three, were the most we ever set at a single enemy, + and if we left him lying in a state of imperception, it was the most we + ever did, except in a regular confliction, when a man is justified in + saving his own skull by breaking one of an opposite faction. For the truth + of the business is, that he who breaks the skull of him who endeavors to + break his own is safest; and, surely, when a man is driven to such an + alternative, the choice is unhesitating. + </p> + <p> + “O'Hallaghans' attorney, however, had better luck; they were, it is true, + rather in the retrograde with him touching the law charges, and, of + coorse, it was only candid in him to look for his own. One morning, he + found that two of his horses had been executed by some incendiary unknown, + in the coorse of the night; and, on going to look at them, he found a + taste of a notice posted on the inside of the stable-door, giving him + intelligence that if he did not find a <i>horpus corpus</i>* whereby to + transfer his body out of the country, he would experience a fate parallel + to that of his brother lawyer or the horses. And, undoubtedly, if honest + people never perpetrated worse than banishing such varmin, along with + proctors, and drivers of all kinds, out of a civilized country, they would + not be so very culpable or atrocious. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Habeas corpus; the above is the popular pronunciation. +</pre> + <p> + “After this, the lawyer went to reside in Dublin; and the only bodily + injury he received was the death of a land-agent and a bailiff, who lost + their lives faithfully in driving for rent. They died, however, + successfully; the bailiff having been provided for nearly a year before + the agent was sent to give an account of his stewardship—as the + Authorized Version has it. + </p> + <p> + “The occasion on which the first re-encounter between us and the + O'Hallaghans took place, was a peaceable one. Several of our respective + friends undertook to produce a friendly and oblivious potation between us—it + was at a berrin belonging to a corpse who was related to us both; and, + certainly, in the beginning we were all as thick as whigged milk. But + there is no use now in dwelling too long upon that circumstance; let it be + sufficient to assert that the accommodation was effectuated by fists and + cudgels, on both sides—the first man that struck a blow being one of + the friends that wished to bring about the tranquillity. From that out the + play commenced, and God he knows when it may end; for no dacent faction + could give in to another faction without losing their character, and being + kicked, and cuffed, and kilt, every week in the year. + </p> + <p> + “It is the great battle, however, which I am after going to describe: that + in which we and the O'Hallaghans had contrived, one way or other, to have + the parish divided—one-half for them, and the other for us; and, + upon my credibility, it is no exaggeration to declare that the whole + parish, though ten miles by six, assembled itself in the town of + Knockimdowny, upon this interesting occasion. In thruth, Ireland ought to + be a land of mathemathitians; for I am sure her population is well + trained, at all events, in the two sciences of multiplication and + division. Before I adventure, however, upon the narration, I must wax + pathetic a little, and then proceed with the main body of the story. + </p> + <p> + “Poor Rose O'Hallaghan!—or, as she was designated—<i>Rose Galh</i>, + or <i>Fair Rose</i>, and sometimes simply, Rose Hallaghan, because the + detention of the big O often produces an afflatus in the pronunciation, + that is sometimes mighty inconvenient to such as do not understand oratory—besides, + that the Irish are rather fond of sending the liquids in a gutthural + direction—Poor Rose! that faction fight, was a black day to her, the + sweet innocent—when it was well known that there wasn't a man, + woman, or child, on either side that wouldn't lay their hands under her + feet. However, in order to <i>insense</i> the reader better into her + character, I will commence a small sub-narration, which will afterwards + emerge into the parent stream of the story. + </p> + <p> + “The chapel of Knockimdowny is a slated house, without any ornament, + except a set of wooden cuts, painted red and blue, that are placed <i>seriatum</i> + around the square of the building in the internal side. Fourteen* of these + suspind at equal distances on the walls, each set in a painted frame; + these constitute a certain species of country devotion. It is usual, on + Sundays, for such of the congregation as are most inclined to piety, to + genuflect at the first of these pictures, and commence a certain number of + prayers to it after the repetition of which, they travel on their knees + along the bare earth to the second, where they repate another prayer + peculiar to that, and so on, till they finish the grand <i>tower</i> of + the interior. Such, however as are not especially addictated to this kind, + of locomotive prayer, collect together in various knots through the + chapel, and amuse themselves by auditing or narrating anecdotes, + discussing policy, or detraction; and in case it be summer, and the day of + a fine texture, they scatter themselves into little crowds on the + chapel-green, or lie at their length upon the grass in listless groups, + giving way to chat and laughter. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * These are called the “Fourteen Stations of the Cross.” + </pre> + <p> + “In this mode, laired on the sunny side of the ditches and hedges, or + collected in rings round that respectable character, the Academician of + the village, or some other well-known Senachie, or story-teller, they + amuse themselves till the priest's arrival. Perhaps, too, some walking + geographer of a pilgrim may happen to be present; and if there be, he is + sure to draw a crowd about him, in spite of all the efforts of the learned + Academician to the contrary. It is no unusual thing to see such a vagrant, + in all the vanity of conscious sanctimony, standing in the middle of the + attentive peasants, like the nave and felloes of a cart-wheel—if I + may be permitted the loan of an apt similitude—repeating some piece + of unfathomable and labyrinthine devotion, or perhaps warbling, from + Stentorian lungs, some <i>melodia sacra</i>, in an untranslatable tongue; + or, it may be, exhibiting the mysterious power of an amber bade fastened + as a Decade to his <i>paudareens</i>* lifting a chaff or light bit of + straw by the force of its attraction. This is an exploit which causes many + an eye to turn from the bades to his own bearded face, with a hope, as it + were, of being able to catch a glimpse of the lurking sanctimony by which + the knave hoaxes them in the miraculous. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Pilgrims and other impostors pass these things upon the + people as miracles upon a small scale. +</pre> + <p> + “The amusements of the females are also nearly such as I have drafted out. + Nosegays of the darlings might be seen sated on green banks, or sauntering + about with a sly intention of coming in compact with their sweethearts, + or, like bachelors' buttons in smiling rows, criticising the young men as + they pass. Others of them might be seen screened behind a hedge, with + their backs to the spectators taking the papers off their curls before + small bit of looking-glass placed against the ditch; or perhaps putting on + their shoes and stockings—which phrase can be used only by the + authority of the figure <i>heusteron proteron</i>—inasmuch as if + they put on the shoes first, you persave, it would be a scientific job to + get on the stockings after; but it's an idiomatioal expression, and + therefore justifiable. However, it's a general custom in the country, + which I dare to say has not yet spread into large cities, for the young + women to walk bare-footed to the chapel, or within a short distance of it, + that they may exhibit their bleached thread stockings and well-greased + slippers to the best advantage, not pretermitting a well-turned ankle and + neat leg, which, I may fearlessly assert, my fair country-women can show + against any other nation, living or dead. + </p> + <p> + “One sunny Sabbath, the congregation of Knockimdowny were thus + assimilated, amusing themselves in the manner I have just outlined; a + series of country girls sat on a little green mount, called the Rabbit + Bank, from the circumstance of its having been formerly an open burrow, + though of late years it has been closed. It was near twelve o'clock, the + hour at which Father Luke O'Shaughran was generally seen topping the rise + of the hill at Larry Mulligan's public-house, jogging on his bay hack at + something between a walk and a trot—that is to say, his horse moved + his fore and hind legs on the off side at one motion, and the fore and + hind legs of the near side in another, going at a kind of dog's trot, like + the pace of an idiot with sore feet in a shower—a pace, indeed, to + which the animal had been set for the last sixteen years, but beyond + which, no force, or entreaty, or science, or power, either divine or + human, of his Reverence could drive him. As yet, however, he had not + become apparent; and the girls already mentioned were discussing the + pretensions which several of their acquaintances had to dress or beauty. + </p> + <p> + “'Peggy,' said Katy Carroll to her companion, Peggy Donohue, 'were you + out* last Sunday?' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Out.—This expression in remote parts of the country is + understood to mean being at mass. +</pre> + <p> + “'No, in troth, Katty, I was disappointed in getting my shoes from Paddy + Mellon, though I left him the measure for my foot three weeks agone, and + gave him a thousand warnings to make them duck-nebs; but, instead of + that,' said she, holding out a very purty foot, 'he has made them as sharp + in the toe as a pick-axe, and a full mile too short for me. But why do ye + ax was I out, Katty?' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Paddy Mellon—a short, thick-set man, with gray hair, + which he always kept cropped close—the most famous + shoemaker in the parish: in fact the Drummond of a large + district. No shoes considered worth wearing if he did not + make them. But, having admitted this, I am bound in common + justice and honesty to say that so big a liar never put an + awl into leather. No language could describe his iniquity in + this respect. I myself am a living-witness of this. Many a + trudge has the villain taken out of me in my boyhood, and as + sure as I went on the appointed day—which was always + Saturday—so surely did he swear that they would be ready + for me on that day week. He was, as a tradesman, the most + multifarious and barefaced liar I ever met; and what was the + most rascally trait about him, was the faculty he possessed + of making you believe the lie as readily after the fifteenth + repetition of it, as when it was uttered fresh from his + lips. +</pre> + <p> + “'Oh, nothing,' responded Katty, 'only that you missed a sight, anyway.' + </p> + <p> + “'What was it Kitty, ahagur?' asked her companion with mighty great + curiosity. + </p> + <p> + “'Why, nothing less, indeed, nor Rose Cullenan decked out in a white + muslin gown, and a black sprush bonnet, tied under her chin wid a silk + ribbon, no less; but what killed us out and out was—you wouldn't + guess?' + </p> + <p> + “'Arrah, how could I guess, woman alive? A silk handkerchy, maybe; for I + wouldn't doubt the same Rose but she would be setting herself up for the + likes of such a thing.' + </p> + <p> + “'It's herself that had, as red as scarlet, about her neck; but that's not + it.' + </p> + <p> + “'Arrah, Katty, tell it to us at wanst; out with it, ahagur; sure there's + no treason in it, anyhow.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, thin, nothing less nor a crass-bar red-and-white pocket-handkerchy, + to wipe her purty complexion wid!' + </p> + <p> + “To this Peggy replied by a loud laugh, in which it was difficult to say + whether there was more of satire than astonishment. + </p> + <p> + “'A pocket-handkerchy!' she exclaimed; 'musha, are we alive afther that, + at all at all! Why, that bates Molly M'Cullagh and her red mantle + entirely. I'm sure, but it's well come up for the likes of her, a poor, + imperint crathur, that sprung from nothing, to give herself such airs.' + </p> + <p> + “'Molly M'Cullagh, indeed,' said Katty, 'why, they oughtn't to be + mintioned in the one day, woman. Molly's come of a dacent ould stock, and + kind mother for her to keep herself in genteel ordher at all times; she + sees nothing else, and can afford it, not all as one as the other flipe* + that would go to the world's end for a bit of dress.' + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Flipe—One who is “flippant”—of which word it is the + substantive, and a good one too. +</pre> + <p> + “' Sure she thinks she's a beauty, too, if you plase,' said Peggy, tossing + her head with an air of disdain; 'but tell us, Katty, how did the muslin + sit upon her at all, the upsetting crathur?' + </p> + <p> + “'Why, for all the world like a shift on a Maypowl, or a stocking on a + body's nose: only nothing killed us outright but the pocket-handkerchy!' + </p> + <p> + “'Hut!' said the other, 'what could we expect from a proud piece like her, + that brings a Manwill* to mass every Sunday, purtending she can read in + it, and Jem Finigan saw the wrong side of the book towards her, the Sunday + of the Purcession!' ** + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Manuel—a Catholic Prayer-book. + + ** The priest described in “Ned M'Keown” having been + educated on the Continent, was one of the first to introduce + the Procession of the Host in that part of the country. The + Consecrated Host, shrined in a silver vessel formed like a + chalice, was borne by a priest under a silken canopy; and to + this the other clergymen present offered up incense from a + censer, whilst they circumambulated the chapel inside and + out, if the day was fine. +</pre> + <p> + “At this hit they both formed another risible junction, quite as sarcastic + as the former—in the midst of which the innocent object of their + censure, dressed in all her obnoxious finery, came up and joined them. She + was scarcely sated—I blush to the very point of my pen during the + manuscription—when the confabulation assumed a character directly + antipodial to that which marked the precedent dialogue. + </p> + <p> + “'My gracious, Rose, but that's a purty thing you have got in your gown!—where + did you buy it?' + </p> + <p> + “'Och, thin, not a one of myself likes it over much. I'm sorry I didn't + buy a gingham: I could have got a beautiful patthern, all out, for two + shillings less; but they don't wash so well as this. I bought it in Paddy + McGartland's, Peggy.' + </p> + <p> + “'Troth, it's nothing else but a great beauty; I didn't see anything on + you this long time that becomes you so well, and I've remarked that you + always look best in white.' + </p> + <p> + “'Who made it, Rose?' inquired Katty; 'for it sits illegant' + </p> + <p> + “'Indeed,' replied Rose, 'for the differ of the price, I thought it better + to bring it to Peggy Boyle, and be sartin of not having it spoiled. Nelly + Keenan made the last; and although there was a full breadth more in it nor + this, bad cess to the one of her but spoiled it on me; it was ever so much + too short in the body, and too tight in the sleeves, and then I had no + step at all at all.' + </p> + <p> + “'The sprush bonnet is exactly the fit for the gown,' observed Katty; 'the + black and the white's jist the cut—how many yards had you, Rose?' + </p> + <p> + “'Jist ten and a half; but the half-yard was for the tucks.' + </p> + <p> + “'Ay, faix! and brave full tucks she left in it; ten would do me, Rose?' + </p> + <p> + “'Ten!—no, nor ten and a half; you're a size bigger nor me at the + laste, Peggy; but you'd be asy fitted, you're so well made.' + </p> + <p> + “'Rose, <i>darling</i>,' said Peggy, 'that's a great beauty, and shows off + your complexion all to pieces; you have no notion how well you look in it + and the sprush.' + </p> + <p> + “In a few minutes after this her namesake, Rose Galh O'Hallaghan, came + towards the chapel, in society with her father, mother, and her two + sisters. The eldest, Mary, was about twenty-one; Rose, who was the second, + about nineteen, or scarcely that; and Nancy, the junior of the three, + about twice seven. + </p> + <p> + “'There's the O'Hallaghans,' says Rose. + </p> + <p> + “'Ay,' replied Katty; 'you may talk of beauty, now; did you ever lay your + two eyes on the likes of Rose for downright—musha, if myself knows + what to call it—but, anyhow, she's the lovely crathur to look at.' + </p> + <p> + “Kind reader, without a single disrespectful insinuation against any + portion of the fair sex, you may judge what Rose O'Hallaghan must have + been, when even these three were necessitated to praise her in her + absence! + </p> + <p> + “'I'll warrant,' observed Katty, 'we'll soon be after seeing John + O'Callaghan'—(he was my own cousin)—'sthrolling afther them, + at his ase.' + </p> + <p> + “'Why,' asked Rose, 'what makes you say that?' + </p> + <p> + “'Bekase,' replied the other, I've a rason for it.' + </p> + <p> + “'Sure John O'Callaghan wouldn't be thinking of her,' observed Rose, 'and + their families would see other shot: their factions would never have a + crass marriage, anyhow.' + </p> + <p> + “'Well,' said Peggy, 'it's the thousand pities that the same two couldn't + go together; for fair and handsome as Rose is, you'll not deny but John + comes up to her; but I faix! sure enough it's they that's the proud people + on both sides, and dangerous to make or meddle with, not saying that ever + there was the likes of the same two for dacency and peaceableness among + either of the factions.' + </p> + <p> + “'Didn't I tell yez?' cried Katty; 'look at him now staling afther her; + and it'll be the same thing going home again; and, if Rose is not much + belied, it's not a bit displasing to her.' + </p> + <p> + “'Between ourselves, observed Peggy, it would be no wondher the darling + young crathur would fall in love with him; for you might thravel the + country afore you'd meet with his fellow for face and figure.' + </p> + <p> + “'There's Father Ned,' remarked Katty; 'we had betther get into the chapel + before the <i>scroodgin</i> comes an, or your bonnet and gown, Rose, won't + be the betther for it.' + </p> + <p> + “They now proceeded to the chapel, and those who had been amusing + themselves after the same mode, followed their exemplar. In a short time + the hedges and ditches adjoining the chapel were quite in solitude, with + the exception of a few persons from the extreme parts of the parish, who + might be seen running with all possible velocity 'to overtake mass,' as + the phrase on that point expresses itself. + </p> + <p> + “The chapel of Knockimdowny was situated at the foot of a range of lofty + mountains; a by-road went past the very door, which had under subjection a + beautiful extent of cultivated country, diversificated by hill and dale, + or rather by hill and hollow; for, as far as my own geographical knowledge + goes, I have uniformly found them inseparable. It was also ornamented with + the waving verdure of rich corn-fields and meadows, not pretermitting + phatie-fields in full blossom—a part of rural landscape which, to my + utter astonishment, has escaped the pen of poet, and the brush of painter; + although I will risk my reputation as a man of pure and categorical taste, + if a finer ingredient in the composition of a landscape could be found + than a field of Cork-fed phaties or Moroky <i>blacks</i> in full bloom, + allowing a man to judge by the pleasure they confer upon the eye, and + therefore to the heart. About a mile up from the chapel, towards the + south, a mountain-stream, not the one already intimated—over which + there was no bridge, crossed the road. But in lieu of a bridge, there was + a long double plank laid over it, from bank to bank; and as the river was + broad, and not sufficiently incarcerated within its channel, the neighbors + were necessitated to throw these planks across the narrowest part they + could find in the contiguity of the road. This part was consequently the + deepest, and, in floods, the most dangerous; for the banks were elevated + as far as they went, and quite tortuositous. + </p> + <p> + “Shortly after the priest had entered the chapel, it was observed that the + hemisphere became, of a sudden, unusually obscure, though the preceding + part of the day had not only been uncloudously bright, but hot in a most + especial manner. The obscurity, however, increased rapidly, accompanied by + that gloomy stillness which always takes precedence of a storm, and fills + the mind with vague and interminable terror. But this ominous silence was + not long unfractured; for soon after the first appearance of the gloom, a + flash of lightning quivered through the chapel, followed by an + extragavantly loud clap of thunder, which shook the very glass in the + windows, and filled the congregation to the brim with terror. Their + dismay, however, would have been infinitely greater, only for the presence + of his Reverence, and the confidence which might be traced to the solemn + occasion on which they were assimilated. + </p> + <p> + “From this moment the storm became progressive in dreadful magnitude, and + the thunder, in concomitance with the most vivid flashes of lightning, + pealed through the sky, with an awful grandeur and magnificence, that were + exalted and even rendered more sublime by the still solemnity of religious + worship. Every heart now prayed fervently—every spirit shrunk into a + deep sense of its own guilt and helplessness—and every conscience + was terror-stricken, as the voice of an angry God thundered out of his + temple of storms though the heavens; for truly, as the Authorized Version + has it, 'darkness was under his feet, and his pavilion round about was + dark waters, and thick clouds of the skies, because he was wroth.' + </p> + <p> + “The rain now condescended in even-down torrents, and thunder succeeded + thunder in deep and terrific peals, whilst the roar of the gigantic echoes + that deepened and reverberated among the glens and hollows, 'laughing in + their mountain mirth,'—hard fortune to me, but they made the flesh + creep on my bones! + </p> + <p> + “This lasted for an hour, when the thunder slackened: but the rain still + continued. As soon as mass was over, and the storm had elapsed, except an + odd peal which might be heard rolling at a distance behind the hills, the + people began gradually to repover their spirits, and enter into + confabulation; but to venture out was still impracticable. For about + another hour it rained incessantly, after which it ceased; the hemisphere + became lighter—and the sun shone out once more upon the countenance + of nature with its former brightness. The congregation then decanted + itself out of the chapel—the spirits of the people dancing with that + remarkable buoyancy or juvenility which is felt after a thunderstorm, when + the air is calm, soople, and balmy—and all nature garmented with + glittering verdure and light. The crowd next began to commingle on their + way home, and to make the usual observations upon the extraordinary storm + which had just passed, and the probable effect it would produce on the + fruit and agriculture of the neighborhood. + </p> + <p> + “When the three young women, whom we have already introduced to our + respectable readers, had evacuated the chapel, they determined to + substantiate a certitude, as far as their observation could reach, as to + the truth of what Kitty Carroll had hinted at, in reference to John + O'Callaghan's attachment to Rose Galh O'Hallaghan, and her taciturn + approval of it. For this purpose they kept their eye upon John, who + certainly seemed in no especial hurry home, but lingered upon the chapel + green in a very careless method. Rose Galh, however, soon made her + appearance, and, after going up the chapel-road a short space, John slyly + walked at some distance behind, without seeming to pay her any particular + notice, whilst a person up to the secret might observe Rose's bright eye + sometimes peeping back to see if he was after her. In this manner they + proceeded until they came to the river, which, to their great alarm, was + almost fluctuating over its highest banks. + </p> + <p> + “A crowd was now assembled, consulting as to the safest method of crossing + the planks, under which the red boiling current ran, with less violence, + it is true, but much deeper than in any other part of the stream. The + final decision was, that the very young and the old, and such as were + feeble, should proceed by a circuit of some miles to a bridge that crossed + it, and that the young men should place themselves on their knees along + the planks, their hands locked in each other, thus forming a support on + one side, upon which such as had courage to venture across might lean, in + case of accident or megrim. Indeed, anybody that had able nerves might + have crossed the planks without this precaution, had they been dry; but, + in consequence of the rain, and the frequent attrition of feet, they were + quite slippery; and, besides, the flood rolled terrifically two or three + yards below them, which might be apt to beget a megrim that would not be + felt if there was no flood. + </p> + <p> + “When this expedient had been hit upon, several young men volunteered + themselves to put it in practice; and in a short time a considerable + number of both sexuals crossed over, without the occurrence of any + unpleasant accident. Paddy O'Hallaghan and his family had been stationed + for some time on the bank, watching the success of the plan; and as it + appeared not to be attended with any particular danger, they also + determined to make the attempt. About a perch below the planks stood John + O'Callaghan, watching the progress of those who were crossing them, but + taking no part in what was going forward. The river, under the planks, and + for some perches above and below them, might be about ten feet deep; but + to those who could swim, it was less perilous, should any accident befall + them, than those parts where the current was more rapid, but shallower. + The water here boiled, and bubbled, and whirled about; but it was slow, + and its yellow surface unbroken by rocks or fords. + </p> + <p> + “The first of the O'Hallaghans that ventured over it was the youngest, + who, being captured by the hand, was encouraged by many cheerful + expressions from the young men who were clinging to the planks. She got + safe over, however; and when she came to the end, one who was stationed on + the bank gave her a joyous pull, that translated her several yards upon + terra firma. + </p> + <p> + “'Well, Nancy,' he observed, 'you're safe, anyhow; and if I don't dance at + your wedding for this, I'll never say you're dacent.' + </p> + <p> + “To this Nancy gave a jocular promise, and he resumed his station, that he + might be ready to render similar assistance to her next sister. Rose Galh + then went to the edge of the plank several times, but her courage as often + refused to be forthcoming. During her hesitation, John O'Callaghan stooped + down, and privately untied his shoes, then unbuttoned his waistcoat, and + very gently, being unwilling to excite notice, slipped the knot of his + cravat. At long last, by the encouragement of those who were on the plank, + Rose attempted the passage, and had advanced as far as the middle of it, + when a fit of dizziness and alarm seized her with such violence, that she + lost all consciousness—a circumstance of which those who handed her + along were ignorant. The consequence, as might be expected, was dreadful; + for as one of the young men was receiving her hand, that he might pass her + to the next, she lost her momentum, and was instantaneously precipitated + into the boiling current. + </p> + <p> + “The wild and fearful cry of horror that succeeded this cannot be laid on + paper. The eldest sister fell into strong convulsions, and several of the + other females fainted on the spot. The mother did not faint; but, like + Lot's wife, she seemed to be translated into stone: her hands became + clenched convulsively, her teeth locked, her nostrils dilated, and her + eyes shot half way out of her head. There she stood, looking upon her + daughter struggling in the flood, with a fixed gaze or wild and impotent + frenzy, that, for fearful ness, beat the thunder-storm all to nothing. The + father rushed to the edge of the river, oblivious of his incapability to + swim, determined to save her or lose his own life, which latter would have + been a dead certainty, had he ventured; but he was prevented by the crowd, + who pointed out to him the madness of such a project. + </p> + <p> + “'For God's sake, Paddy, don't attimpt it,' they exclaimed, 'except you + wish to lose your own life, without being able to save hers: no man could + swim in that flood, and it upwards of ten feet deep.' + </p> + <p> + “Their arguments, however, were lost upon him; for, in fact, he was + insensible to everything but his child's preservation. He, therefore, only + answered their remonstrances by attempting to make another plunge into the + river. + </p> + <p> + “'Let me alone, will yez,' said he—'let me alone! I'll either save + my child, Rose, or die along with her! How could I live after her? + Merciful God, any of them but her! Oh! Rose, darling,' he exclaimed, 'the + favorite of my heart—will no one save you?' All this passed in less + than a minute. + </p> + <p> + “'Just as these words were uttered, a plunge was heard a few yards below + the bridge, and a man appeared in the flood, making his way with rapid + strokes to the drowning girl. Another cry now arose from the spectators: + 'It's John O'Callaghan,' they shouted—'it's John O'Callaghan, and + they'll both be lost.' 'No,' exclaimed others; 'if it's in the power of + man to save her, he will!' 'O, blessed father, she's lost!' now burst from + all present; for, after having struggled and been kept floating for some + time by her garments, she at length sunk, apparently exhausted and + senseless, and the thief of a flood flowed over her, as if she had not + been under it's surface. + </p> + <p> + “When O'Callaghan saw that she went down, he raised himself up in the + water, and cast his eye towards that part of the bank opposite which she + disappeared, evidently, as it proved, that he might have a mark to guide + him in fixing on the proper spot where to plunge after her. When he came + to the place, he raised himself again in the stream, and, calculating that + she must by this time have been borne some distance from the spot where + she sank, he gave a stroke or two down the river, and disappeared after + her. This was followed by another cry of horror and despair, for somehow, + the idea of desolation which marks, at all times, a deep, over-swollen + torrent, heightened by the bleak mountain scenery around them, and the + dark, angry voracity of the river where they had sunk, might have + impressed the spectators with utter hopelessness as to the fate of those + now engulfed in its vortex. This, however, I leave to those who are deeper + read in philosophy than I am. + </p> + <p> + “An awful silence succeeded the last shrill exclamation, broken only by + the hoarse rushing of the waters, whose wild, continuous roar, booming + hollowly and dismally in the ear, might be heard at a great distance over + all the country. But a new sensation soon invaded the multitude; for after + the lapse of about half a minute, John O'Callaghan emerged from the flood, + bearing in his sinister hand the body of his own Rose Galh—for it's + he that loved her tenderly. A peal of joy congratulated them from the + assembled crowd; hundreds of directions were given to him how to act to + the best advantage. Two young men in especial, who were both dying about + the lovely creature that he held, were quite anxious to give advice. + </p> + <p> + “'Bring her to the other side, John, ma bouchal; it's the safest,' said + Larry Carty. + </p> + <p> + “'Will you let him alone, Carty?' said Simon Tracy, who was the other, + 'you'll only put him in a perplexity.' + </p> + <p> + “But Carty should order in spite of every thing. He kept bawling out, + however, so loud, that John raised his eye to see what he meant, and was + near losing hold of Rose. This was too much for Tracy, who ups with his + fist, and downs him—so they both at it; for no one there could take + themselves off those that were in danger, to interfere between them. But + at all events, no earthly thing can happen among Irishmen without a fight. + </p> + <p> + “The father, during this, stood breathless, his hands clasped, and his + eyes turned to heaven, praying in anguish for the delivery of his darling. + The mother's look was still wild and fixed, her eyes glazed, and her + muscles hard and stiff; evidently she was insensible to all that was going + forward; while large drops of paralytic agony hung upon her cold brow. + Neither of the sisters had yet recovered, nor could those who supported + them turn their eyes from the more imminent danger, to pay them any + particular attention. Many, also, of the other females, whose feelings + were too much wound up when the accident occurred, now fainted, when they + saw she was likely to be rescued; but most of them were weeping with + delight and gratitude. + </p> + <p> + “When John brought her to the surface, he paused for a moment to recover + breath and collectedness; he then caught her by the left arm, near the + shoulder, and cut, in a slanting direction, down the stream, to a watering + place, where a slope had been formed in the bank. But he was already too + far down to be able to work across the stream to this point; for it was + here much stronger and more rapid than under the planks. Instead, + therefore, of reaching the slope, he found himself in spite of every + effort to the contrary, about a perch below it; and, except he could gain + this point, against the strong rush of the flood, there was very little + hope of being able to save either her or himself—for he was now much + exhausted. + </p> + <p> + “Hitherto, therefore, all was still doubtful, whilst strength was fast + failing him. In this trying and almost hopeless situation, with an + admirable presence of mind, he adopted the only expedient which could + possibly enable him to reach the bank. On finding himself receding down, + instead of advancing up the current, he approached the bank, which was + here very deep and perpendicular; he then sank his fingers into and + pressed his right foot against the firm blue clay with which it was + stratified, and by this means advanced, bit by bit, up the stream, having + no other force by which to propel himself against it. After this mode did + he breast the current with all his strength—which must have been + prodigious, or he never could have borne it out—until he reached the + slope, and got from the influence of the tide, into dead water. On + arriving here, his hand was caught by one of the young men present, who + stood up to the neck, waiting his approach. A second man stood behind him, + holding his other hand, a link being thus formed, that reached out to the + firm bank; and a good pull now brought them both to the edge of the river. + On finding bottom, John took his Colleen Galh in his own arms, carried her + out, and pressing his lips to hers, laid her in the bosom of her father; + then, after taking another kiss of the young drowned flower, he burst into + tears, and fell powerless beside her. The truth is, the spirit that had + kept him firm was now exhausted; both his legs and arms having become + nerveless by the exertion. + </p> + <p> + “Hitherto her father took no notice of John, for how could he? seeing that + he was entirely wrapped up in his daughter; and the question was, though + rescued from the flood, if life was in her. The sisters were by this time + recovered, and weeping over her, along with the father—and, indeed, + with all present; but the mother could not be made to comprehend what they + were about at all at all. The country people used every means with which + they were intimate to recover Rose; she was brought instantly to a + farmer's house beside the spot, put into a warm bed, covered over with hot + salt, wrapped in half-scorched blankets, and made subject to every other + mode of treatment that could possibly revoke the functions of life. John + had now got a dacent draught of whiskey, which revived him. He stood over + her, when he could be admitted, watching for the symptomatics of her + revival; all, however, was vain. He now determined to try another course: + by-and-by he stooped, put his mouth to her mouth, and, drawing in his + breath, respired with all his force from the bottom of his very heart into + hers; this he did several times rapidly—faith, a tender and + agreeable operation, any how. But mark the consequence: in less than a + minute her white bosom heaved—her breath returned—her pulse + began to play—she opened her eyes, and felt his tears of love + raining warmly on her pale cheek! + </p> + <p> + “For years before this no two of these opposite factions had spoken, nor + up to this minute had John and they, even upon this occasion, exchanged a + monosyllable. The father now looked at him—the tears stood afresh in + his eyes; he came forward—stretched out his hand—it was + received; and the next moment he fell upon John's neck, and cried like an + infant. + </p> + <p> + “When Rose recovered, she seemed as if striving to recordate what had + happened; and, after two or three minutes, inquired from her sister, in a + weak but sweet voice, 'Who saved me?' + </p> + <p> + “''Twas John O'Callaghan, Rose darling,' replied the sister, in tears, + 'that ventured his own life into the boiling flood, to save yours—and + did save it, jewel!' + </p> + <p> + “Rose's eye glanced at John—and I only wish, as I am a bachelor not + further than my forty-fourth, that I may ever have the happiness to get + such a glance from two blue eyes, as she gave him that moment—a + faint smile played about her mouth, and a slight blush lit up her fair + cheek, like the evening sunbeams on the virgin snow, as the poets have + said for the five-hundredth time, to my own personal knowledge. She then + extended her hand, which John, you may be sure, was no way backward in + receiving, and the tears of love and gratitude ran silently down her + cheeks. + </p> + <p> + “It is not necessary to detail the circumstances of this day farther; let + it be sufficient to say, that a reconciliation took place between those + two branches of the O'Hallaghan and O'Callaghan families, in consequence + of John's heroism and Rose's soft persuasion, and that there was, also, + every perspective of the two factions being penultimately amalgamated. For + nearly a century they had been pell-mell at it, whenever and wherever they + could meet. Their forefathers, who had been engaged in the lawsuit about + the island which I have mentioned, wore dead and petrified in their + graves; and the little peninsula in the glen was gradationally worn away + by the river, till nothing remained but a desert, upon a small scale, of + sand and gravel. Even the ruddy, able-bodied squire, with the longitudinal + nose, projecting out of his face like a broken arch, and the small, fiery + magistrate—both of whom had fought the duel, for the purpose of + setting forth a good example, and bringing the dispute to a peaceable + conclusion—were also dead. The very memory of the original + contention! had been lost (except that it was preserved along with the + cranium of my grandfather), or became so indistinct that the parties + fastened themselves on some more modern provocation, which they kept in + view until another fresh motive would start up, and so on. I know not, + however, whether it was fair to expect them to give up at once the + agreeable recreation of fighting. It's not easy to abolish old customs, + particularly diversions; and every one knows that this is our national + amusement. + </p> + <p> + “There were, it is true, many among both, factions who saw the matter in + this reasonable light, and who wished rather, if it were to cease, that it + should die away by degrees, from the battle of the whole parish, equally + divided between the factions, to the subordinate row between certain + members of them—from that to the faint broil of certain families, + and so on to the single-handed play between individuals. At all events, + one-half of them were for peace, and two-thirds of them were equally + divided between peace and war. + </p> + <p> + “For three months after the accident which befell Rose Galh O'Hallaghan, + both factions had been tolerantly quiet—that is to say, they had no + general engagement. Some slight skirmishes certainly did take place on + market-nights, when the drop was in, and the spirits up; but in those + neither John nor Rose's immediate families took any part. The fact was, + that John and Rose were on the evening of matrimony; the match had been + made—the day appointed, and every other necessary stipulation + ratified. Now, John was as fine a young man as you would meet in a day's + traveling; and as for Rose, her name went far and near for beauty: and + with justice, for the sun never shone on a fairer, meeker, or modester + virgin than Rose Galh O'Hallaghan. + </p> + <p> + “It might be, indeed, that there were those on both sides who thought + that, if the marriage was obstructed, their own sons and daughters would + have a better chance. Rose had many admirers; they might have envied John + his happiness; many fathers, on the Other side, might have wished their + sons to succeed with Rose. Whether I am sinister in this conjecture is + more than I can say. I grant, indeed, that a great portion of it is + speculation on my part. The wedding-day, however, was arranged; but, + unfortunately, the fair-day of Knockimdowny occurred, in the rotation of + natural time, precisely one week before it. I know not from what motive it + proceeded, but the factions on both sides were never known to make a more + light-hearted preparation for battle. Cudgels of all sorts and sizes (and + some of them, to my own knowledge, great beauties) were provided. + </p> + <p> + “I believe I may as well take this opportunity of saying that real Irish + cudgels must be root-growing, either oak, black-thorn, or crab-tree—although + crab-tree, by the way, is apt to fly. They should not be too long—three + feet and a few inches is an accommodating length. They must be naturally + top-heavy, and have around the end that is to make acquaintance with the + cranium three or four natural lumps, calculated to divide the flesh in the + natest manner, and to leave, if possible, the smallest taste in life of + pit in the skull. But if a good root-growing <i>kippeen</i> be light at + the fighting-end, or possess not the proper number of knobs, a hole, a few + inches deep, is to be bored in the end, which must be filled with melted + lead. This gives it a widow-and-orphan-making quality, a child-bereaving + touch, altogether very desirable. If, however, the top splits in the + boring—which, in awkward hands, is not uncommon—the defect may + be remediated by putting on an iron ferrule, and driving two or three + strong nails into it, simply to preserve it from flying off; not that an + Irishman is ever at a loss for weapons when in a fight, for so long as a + scythe, flail, spade, pitchfork, or stone is at hand, he feels quite + contented with the lot of war. No man, as they say of great statesmen, is + more fertile in expedients during a row; which, by the way, I take to be a + good quality, at all events. + </p> + <p> + “I remember the fair-day of Knockimdowny well; it has kept me from + griddle-bread and tough nutriment ever since. Hard fortune to Jack Roe + O'Hallaghan! No man had better teeth than I had till I met with him that + day. He fought stoutly on his own side; but he was ped then for the same + basting that fell to me, though not by my hands, if to get his jaw + dacently divided into three halves could be called a fair liquidation of + an old debt—it was equal to twenty shillings in the pound, any how. + </p> + <p> + “There had not been a larger fair in the town of Knockimdowny for years. + The day was dark and sunless, but sultry. On looking through the crowd, I + could see no man! without a cudgel; yet, what was strange, there was no + certainty of any sport. Several desultory skrimmages had locality, but + they I were altogether sequestered from the great factions of the O's. + Except that it was pleasant and stirred one's blood to look at them, or + occasioned the cudgels to be grasped more firmly, there was no personal + interest felt by any of us in them; they therefore began and ended, here + and there, through the fair, like mere flashes in the pan, dying in their + own smoke. + </p> + <p> + “The blood of every prolific nation is naturally hot; but when that hot + blood is inflamed by ardent spirits, it is not to be supposed that men + should be cool; and God he knows, there is not on the level surface of + this habitable globe, a nation that has been so thoroughly inflamed by + ardent spirits of all kinds as Ireland. + </p> + <p> + “Up till four o'clock that day, the factions were quiet. Several relations + on both sides had been invited to drink by John and Rose's families, for + the purpose of establishing a good feeling between them. But this was, + after all, hardly to be expected, for they hated one another with an + ardency much too good-humored and buoyant; and, between ourselves, to + bring Paddy over a bottle is a very equivocal mode of giving him an + anti-cudgeling disposition. After the hour of four, several of the + factions were getting very friendly, which I knew at the time to be a bad + sign. Many of them nodded to each other, which I knew to be a worse one; + and some of them shook hands with the greatest cordiality, which I no + sooner saw than I slipped the knot of my cravat, and held myself in + preparation for the sport. + </p> + <p> + “I have often had occasion to remark—and few men, let me tell you, + had finer opportunities of doing so—the differential symptomatics + between a Party Fight, that is, a battle between Orangemen and Ribbon-men, + and one between two Roman Catholic Factions. There is something infinitely + more anxious, silent, and deadly, in the compressed vengeance, and the + hope of slaughter, which characterize a party fight, than is to be seen in + a battle between factions. The truth is, the enmity is not so deep and + well-grounded in the latter as in the former. The feeling is not political + nor religious between the factions; whereas, in the other, it is both, + which is a mighty great advantage; for when this is adjuncted to an + intense personal hatred, and a sense of wrong, probably arising from a too + intimate recollection of the leaded black thorn, or the awkward death of + some relative, by the musket or the bayonet, it is apt to produce very + purty fighting, and much respectable retribution. + </p> + <p> + “In a party fight, a prophetic sense of danger, hangs, as it were, over + the crowd—the very air is loaded with apprehension; and the + vengeance burst is proceeded by a close, thick darkness, almost sulphury, + that is more terrifical than the conflict itself, though dearly less + dangerous and fatal. The scowl of the opposing parties, the blanched + cheeks, the knit brows, and the grinding teeth, not pretermitting the + deadly gleams that shoot from their kindled eyes, are ornaments which a + plain battle between factions cannot boast, but which, notwithstanding, + are very suitable to the fierce and gloomy silence of that premeditated + vengeance which burns with such intensity in the heart, and scorches up + the vitals into such a thirst for blood. Not but that they come by + different means to the same conclusion; because it is the feeling, and not + altogether the manner of operation, that is different. + </p> + <p> + “Now a faction fight doesn't resemble this at all at all. Paddy's at home + here; all song, dance, good-humor, and affection. His cheek is flushed + with delight, which, indeed, may derive assistance from the consciousness + of having no bayonets or loaded carabines to contend with; but anyhow, + he's at home—his eye is lit with real glee—he tosses his hat + in the air, in the height of mirth—and leaps, like a mounteback, two + yards from the ground. Then, with what a gracious dexterity he brandishes + his cudgel! what a joyous spirit is heard in his shout at the face of a + friend from another faction! His very 'who!' is contagious, and would make + a man, that had settled on running away, return and join the sport with an + appetite truly Irish. He is, in fact, while under the influence of this + heavenly afflatus, in love with every one, man, woman, and child. If he + meet his sweetheart, he will give her a kiss and a hug, and that with + double kindness, because he is on his way to thrash her father or brother. + It is the acumen of his enjoyment; and woe be to him who will adventure to + go between him and his amusements. To be sure, skulls and bones are + broken, and lives lost; but they are lost in pleasant fighting—they + are the consequences of the sport, the beauty of which consists in + breaking as many heads and necks as you can; and certainly when a man + enters into the spirit of any exercise, there is nothing like elevating + himself to the point of excellence. Then a man ought never to be + disheartened. If you lose this game, or get your head good-humoredly + beaten to pieces, why you may win another, or your friends may mollify two + or three skulls as a set-off to yours; but that is nothing. + </p> + <p> + “When the evening became more advanced, maybe, considering the poor look + up there was for anything like decent sport—maybe, in the early part + of the day, it wasn't the delightful sight to see the boys on each side of + the two great factions beginning to get frolicsome. Maybe the songs and + the shouting, when they began, hadn't melody and music in them, any how! + People may talk about harmony; but what harmony is equal to that in which + five or six hundred men sing and shout, and leap and caper at each other, + as a prelude to neighborly fighting where they beat time upon the drums of + each other's ears and heads with oak drumsticks? That's an Irishman's + music; and hard fortune to the <i>garran</i>* that wouldn't have + friendship and kindness in him to join and play a stave along with them! + 'Whoo; your sowl! Hurroo! Success to our side! Hi for the O'Callaghans! + Where's the blackguard to—,' I beg pardon, decent reader; I forgot + myself for a moment, or rather I got new life in me, for I am nothing at + all at all for the last five months—a kind of nonentity I may say, + ever since that vagabond Burges occasioned me to pay a visit to my distant + relations, till my friends get that last matter of the collar-bone + settled. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Garran—a horse; but it is always used as meaning a bad + one—one without mettle. When figuratively applied to a man, + it means a coward +</pre> + <p> + “The impulse which faction fighting gives to trade and business in Ireland + is truly surprising; whereas party fighting depreciates both. As soon as + it is perceived that a party fight is to be expected, all buying and + selling are nearly suspended for the day; and those who are not <i>up</i>*, + and even many who are, take themselves and their property home as quickly + as may be convenient. But in a faction fight, as soon as there is any + perspective of a row, depend upon it, there is quick work at all kinds of + negotiation; and truly there is nothing like brevity and decision in + buying and selling; for which reason, faction fighting, at all events, if + only for the sake of national prosperity, should be encouraged and kept + up. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Initiated into Whiteboyism +</pre> + <p> + “Towards five o'clock, if a man was placed on an exalted station; so that + he could look at the crowd, and wasn't able to fight, he could have seen + much that a man might envy him for. Here a hat went up, or maybe a dozen + of them; then followed a general huzza. On the other side, two dozen + caubeens sought the sky, like so many scaldy crows attempting their own + element for the first time, only they were not so black. Then another + shout, which was answered by that of their friends on the opposite side; + so that you would hardly know which side huzzaed loudest, the blending of + both was so truly symphonius. Now there was a shout for the face of an + O'Callaghan; this was prosecuted on the very heels by another for the face + of an O'Hallaghan. Immediately a man of the O'Hallaghan side doffed his + tattered frieze, and catching it by the very extremity of the sleeve, drew + it with a tact, known only by an initiation of half a dozen street days, + up the pavement after him. On the instant, a blade from the O'Callaghan + side peeled with equal alacrity, and stretching his <i>home-made</i> * at + full length after him, proceeded triumphantly up the street, to meet the + other. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Irish frieze is mostly manufactured at home, which + accounts for the expression here. +</pre> + <p> + “Thunder-an-ages, what's this for, at all, at all! I wish I hadn't begun + to manuscript an account of it, any how; 'tis like a hungry man dreaming + of a good dinner at a feast, and afterwards awaking and finding his front + ribs and back-bone on the point of union. Reader, is that a black-thorn + you carry—tut, where is my imagination bound for?——to + meet the other, I say. + </p> + <p> + “'Where's the rascally O'Callaghan that will place his toe or his shillely + on this frieze?' 'Is there no blackguard O'Hallaghan jist to look crucked + at the coat of an O'Callaghan, or say black's the white of his eye?' + </p> + <p> + “'Troth and there is, Ned, avourneen, that same on the sod here.' + </p> + <p> + “'Is that Barney?' + </p> + <p> + “'The same, Ned, ma bouchal; and how is your mother's son, Ned?' + </p> + <p> + “'In good health at the present time, thank God and you; how is yourself, + Barney?' + </p> + <p> + “'Can't complain as time goes; only take this, any how, to mend your + health, ma bouchal.' (Whack.) + </p> + <p> + “'Success, Barney, and here's at your sarvice, avick, not making little of + what I got, any way.' (Crack.) + </p> + <p> + “About five o'clock on a May evening, in the fair of Knockimdowny, was the + ice thus broken, with all possible civility, by Ned and Barney. The next + moment a general rush took place towards the scene of action, and ere you + could bless yourself, Barney and Ned were both down, weltering in their + own and each other's blood. I scarcely know, indeed, though with a mighty + respectable quota of experimentality myself, how to describe what + followed. For the first twenty minutes the general harmony of this fine + row might be set to music, according to a scale something like this:—Whick + whack—crick crack—whick whack—crick crack—&c, + &c, &o. 'Here yer sowl—(crack)—there yer sowl—(whack). + Whoo for the O'Hallag-hans!'—(crack, crack, crack). 'Hurroo for the + O'Callaghans!—(whack, whack, whack). The O'Callaghans for ever!'—(whack). + 'The O'Hallaghans for ever!'—(crack). 'Mur-ther! murther!—(crick, + crack)—foul! foul!—(whack, whack). Blood and turf!—(whack, + whick)—tunther-an-ouns'—(crack, crick). 'Hurroo! my darlings! + handle your kip-peens—(crack, crack)—the O'Hallaghans are + going!'—(whack, whack). + </p> + <p> + “You are to suppose them, here to have been at it for about half an hour. + </p> + <p> + “Whack, crack—'oh—oh—oh! have mercy upon me, boys—(crack—a + shriek of murther! murther—crack, crack, whack)—my life—my + life—(crack, crack—whack, whack)—oh! for the sake of the + living Father!—for the sake of my wife and childher, Ned Hallaghan, + spare my life.' + </p> + <p> + “'So we will, but take this, any how'—(whack, crack, whack, crack). + </p> + <p> + “'Oh! for the love of. God, don't kill—(whack, crack, whack). Oh!'—(crack, + crack, whack—dies). + </p> + <p> + “'Huzza! huzza! huzza!' from the O'Hallaghans. 'Bravo, boys! there's one + of them done for: whoo! my darlings! hurroo! the O'Hallaghans for ever!' + </p> + <p> + “The scene now changes to the O'Callaghan side. + </p> + <p> + “'Jack—oh, Jack, avourneen—hell to their sowls for murdherers—Paddy's + killed—his skull's smashed! Revinge, boys, Paddy O'Callaghan's + killed! On with you, O'Callaghans—on with you—on with you, + Paddy O'Callaghan's murdhered—take to the stones—that's it—keep + it up, down with: him! Success!—he's the bloody villain that: didn't + show him marcy—that's it. Tunder-an-ouns, is it laving him that way + you are afther—let me at him!' + </p> + <p> + “'Here's a stone, Tom!' + </p> + <p> + “'No, no, this stick has the lead in it. It'll do him, never fear!' + </p> + <p> + “'Let him alone, Barney, he's got enough.' + </p> + <p> + “'By the powdhers, it's myself that won't: didn't he kill Paddy?—(crack, + crack). Take that, you murdhering thief!'—(whack, whack). + </p> + <p> + “'Oh!—(whack, crack)—my head—I'm killed—I'm'—(crack—kicks + the bucket). + </p> + <p> + “'Now, your sowl, that does you, any way—(crack, whack)—hurro!—huzza!—huzza!—Man + for man, boys—an O'Hallaghan's done for—whoo! for our side—tol-deroll, + folderoll, tow, row, row—huzza!—fol-deroll, fol-deroll, tow, + row, row, huzza for the O'Callaghans!' + </p> + <p> + “From this moment the battle became delightful; it was now pelt and welt + on both sides, but many of the kippeens were broken: many of the boys had + their fighting arms disabled by a dislocation, or bit of fracture, and + those weren't equal to more than doing a little upon such as were down. + </p> + <p> + “In the midst of the din, such a dialogue as this might be heard: + </p> + <p> + “'Larry, you're after being done for, for this day.' (Whack, crack.) + </p> + <p> + “'Only an eye gone—is that Mickey?' (whick, whack, crick, crack.) + </p> + <p> + “'That's it, my darlings!—you may say that, Larry—'tis my + mother's son that's in it—(crack, crack,—a general huzza.): + (Mickey and Larry) huzza! huzza! huzza for the O'Hallaghans! What have you + got, Larry?—(crack, crack). + </p> + <p> + “'Only the bone of my arm, God be praised for it, very purtily snapt + across!' (whack, whack). + </p> + <p> + “'Is that all? Well, some people have luck!'—(crack, crack, crack). + </p> + <p> + “'Why I've no reason to complain, thank God—(whack, crack!)—purty + play that, any way—Paddy O'Callaghan's settled—did you hear + it?—(whack, whack, another shout)—That's it boys—handle + the shilleleys!—Success O'Hallaghans—down with the bloody + O'Callaghans!' + </p> + <p> + “'I did hear it: so is Jem O'Hallaghan—(crack, whack, whack, crack)—you're + not able to get up, I see—tare-an-ounty, isn't it a pleasure to hear + that play?—What ails you?' + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, Larry, I'm in great pain, and getting very weak, entirely'—(faints). + </p> + <p> + “'Faix, and he's settled too, I'm thinking.' + </p> + <p> + “'Oh, murdher, my arm!' (One of the O'Callaghans attacks him—crack, + crack)— + </p> + <p> + “'Take that, you vagabone!'—(whack, whack). + </p> + <p> + “' Murdher, murdher, is it strikin' a down man you're after?—foul, + foul, and my arm broke!'—(crack, crack). + </p> + <p> + “'Take that, with what you got before, and it'll ase you, maybe.' + </p> + <p> + “(A party of the O'Hallaghans attack the man who is beating him). + </p> + <p> + “'Murdher, murdher!'—(crack, whack, whack, crack, crack, whack). + </p> + <p> + “'Lay on him, your sowls to pirdition—lay on him, hot and heavy—give + it to him! He sthruck me and me down wid my broken arm!' + </p> + <p> + “'Foul, ye thieves of the world!—(from the O'Callaghan)—foul! + five against one—give me fair play!—(crack, crack, crack)—Oh!—(whack) + Oh, oh, oh!'—(falls senseless, covered with blood). + </p> + <p> + “'Ha, hell's cure to you, you bloody thief; you didn't spare me with my + arm broke'—(Another general shout.) 'Bad end to it, isn't it a poor + case entirely, that I can't even throw up my caubeen, let alone join in + the diversion.' + </p> + <p> + “Both parties now rallied, and ranged themselves along the street, + exhibiting a firm phalanx, wedged close against each other, almost foot to + foot. The mass was thick and dense, and the tug of conflict stiff, wild + and savage. Much natural skill and dexterity were displayed in their + mutual efforts to preserve their respective ranks unbroken, and as the + sallies and charges were made on both sides, the temporary rash, the + indentation of the multitudinous body, and the rebound into its original + position, gave an undulating appearance to the compact mass—reeking, + dragging, groaning, and buzzing as it was, that resembled the serpentine + motion of a rushing water-spout in the clouds. + </p> + <p> + “The women now began to take part with their brothers and sweethearts. + Those who had no bachelors among the opposite factions, fought along with + their brothers; others did not scruple even to assist in giving their + enamored swains the father of a good beating. Many, however, were more + faithful to love than to natural affection, and these sallied out, like + heroines, under the banners of their sweethearts, fighting with amazing + prowess against their friends and relations; nor was it at all + extraordinary to see two sisters engaged on opposite sides—perhaps + tearing each other as, with dishevelled hair, they screamed with a fury + that was truly exemplary. Indeed it is no untruth to assert that the women + do much valuable execution. Their manner of fighting is this—as soon + as the fair one decides upon taking a part in the row, she instantly takes + off her apron or her stocking, stoops down, and lifting the first four + pounder she can get, puts it in the corner of her apron, or the foot of + her stocking, if it has a foot, and marching into the scene of action, + lays about her right and left. Upon my credibility, they are extremely + useful and handy, and can give mighty nate knockdowns—inasmuch as no + guard that a man is acquainted with can ward off their blows. Nay, what is + more, it often happens, when a son-in-law is in a faction against his + father-in-law and his wife's people generally, that if he and his wife's + brother meet, the wife will clink him with the <i>pet</i> in her apron, + downing her own husband with great skill, for it is not always that + marriage extinguishes the hatred of factions; and very often 'tis the + brother that is humiliated. + </p> + <p> + “Up to the death of these two men, John O'Callaghan and Rose's father, + together with a large party of their friends on both sides, were drinking + in a public-house, determined to take no portion in the fight, at all at + all. Poor Rose, when she heard the shouting and terrible strokes, got as + pale as death, and sat close to John, whose hand she captured hers, + beseeching him, and looking up in his face with the most imploring + sincerity as she spoke, not to go out among them; the tears falling all + the time from her fine eyes, the mellow flashes of which, when John's + pleasantry in soothing her would seduce a smile, went into his very heart. + But when, on looking out of the window where they sat, two of the opposing + factions heard that a man on each side was killed; and when on + ascertaining the names of the individuals, and of those who murdered them, + it turned out that one of the murdered men was brother to a person in the + room, and his murderer uncle to one of those in the window, it was not in + the power of man or woman to keep them asunder, particularly as they were + all rather advanced in liquor. In an instant the friends of the murdered + man made a rush at the window, before any pacifiers had time to get + between them, and catching the nephew of him who had committed the murder, + hurled him head-foremost upon the stone pavement, where his skull was + dashed to pieces, and his brains scattered about the flags! + </p> + <p> + “A general attack instantly took place in the room, between the two + factions; but the apartment was too low and crowded to permit of proper + fighting, so they rushed out to the street, shouting and. yelling, as they + do when the battle comes to the real point of doing business. As soon as + it was seen that the heads of the O'Callaghan's and O'Hallaghans were at + work as well as the rest, the fight was recommenced with retrebled spirit; + but when the mutilated body of the man who had been flung from the window, + was observed lying in the pool of his own proper brains and blood, such a + cry arose among his friends, as would cake (* harden) the vital fluid in + the veins of any one not a party in the quarrel. Now was the work—the + moment of interest—men and women groaning, staggering, and lying + insensible; others shouting, leaping, and huzzaing; some singing, and not + a few able-bodied spalpeens blurting, like over-grown children, on seeing + their own blood; many raging and roaring about like bulls;—all this + formed such a group as a faction fight, and nothing else, could represent. + </p> + <p> + “The battle now blazed out afresh; and all kinds of instruments were + pressed into I the service. Some got flails, some spades, some shovels, + and one man got his hands upon a scythe, with which, unquestionably, he + would have taken more lives than one; but, very fortunately, as he sallied + out to join the crowd, he was politely visited in the back of the head by + a brick-bat, which had a mighty convincing way with it of giving him a + peaceable disposition, for he instantly lay down, and did not seem at all + anxious as to the result of the battle. The O'Hallaghans were now + compelled to give way, owing principally to the introvention of John + O'Ohallaghan, who, although he was as good as sworn to take no part in the + contest, was compelled to fight merely to protect himself. But, + blood-and-turf! when he did begin, he was dreadful. As soon as his party + saw him engaged, they took fresh courage, and in a short time made the + O'Hallaghan's retreat up the church-yard. I never saw anything equal to + John; he absolutely sent them down in dozens; and when a man would give + him any inconvenience with the stick, he would down him with the fist, for + right and left were all alike to him. Poor Rose's brother and he met, both + roused like two lions; but when John saw who it was, he held back his + hand:— + </p> + <p> + “'No, Tom,' says he, 'I'll not strike you, for Rose's sake. I'm not + fighting through ill will to you or your family; so take another + direction, for I can't strike you.' + </p> + <p> + “The blood, however, was unfortunately up in Tom. + </p> + <p> + “'We'll decide it now,' said he, 'I'm as good a man as you, O'Callaghan: + and let me whisper this in your ears—you'll never warm the one bed + with Rose, while's God's in heaven—it's past that now—there + can be I nothing but blood between us!' + </p> + <p> + “At this juncture two of the O'Callaghans ran with their shillelaghs up, + to beat down Tom on the spot. + </p> + <p> + “'Stop, boys!' said John, 'you mustn't touch him; he had no hand in the + quarrel. Go, boys, if you respect me; lave him to myself.' + </p> + <p> + “The boys withdrew to another part of the fight; and the next instant Tom + struck the very man that interfered to save him, across the temple, and + cut him severely. John put his hand up and staggered. + </p> + <p> + “'I'm sorry for this,' he observed; 'but it's now self-defence with me;' + and at the same moment, with one blow, he left Tom O'Hallaghan stretched + insensible on the street. + </p> + <p> + “On the O'Hallaghans being driven to the church-yard, they were at a + mighty great inconvenience for weapons. Most of them had lost their + sticks, it being a usage in fights of this kind to twist the cudgels from + the grasp of the beaten men, to prevent them from rallying. They soon, + however, furnished themselves with the best they could find, videlicet, + the skull, leg, thigh, and arm bones, which they found lying about the + grave-yard. This was a new species of weapon, for which the majority of + the O'Callaghans were scarcely prepared. Out they sallied in a body—some + with these, others with stones, and making fierce assault upon their + enemies, absolutely druv then—not so much by the damage they we're + doing, as by the alarm and terror which these unexpected species of + missiles excited. At this moment, notwithstanding the fatality that had + taken place, nothing could be more truly comical and facetious than the + appearance of the field of battle. Skulls were flying in every direction—so + thick, indeed, that it might with truth be assevervated, that many who + were petrified in the dust, had their skulls broken in this great battle + between the factions.—God help poor Ireland! when its inhabitants + are so pugnacious, that even the grave is no security against getting + their crowns cracked, and their bones fractured! Well, any how, skulls and + bones flew in every direction—stones and brick-bats were also put in + motion; spades, shovels, loaded whips, pot-sticks, churn-staffs, flails, + and all kinds of available weapons were in hot employment. + </p> + <p> + “But, perhaps, there was nothing more-truly felicitous or original in its + way than the mode of warfare adopted by little Neal Malone, who was tailor + for the O'Callaghan side: for every tradesman is obliged to fight on + behalf of his own faction. Big Frank Farrell, the miller, being on the + O'Hallaghan side, had been sent for, and came up from his mill behind the + town, quite fresh. He was never what could be called a good man,* though + it was said that he could lift ten hundred weight. He puffed forward with + a great cudgel, determined to commit slaughter out of the face, and the + first man he met was the weeshy fraction of a tailor, as nimble as a hare. + He immediately attacked him, and would probably have taken his measure for + life had not the tailor's activity protected him. Farrell was in a rage, + and Neal, taking advantage of his blind fury, slipped round him, and, with + a short run, sprung upon the miller's back, and planted, a foot upon the + threshold of each coat pocket, holding by the mealy collar of his + waistcoat. In this position he belabored the miller's face and eyes with + his little hard fist to such purpose, that he had him in the course of a + few minutes nearly as blind as a mill-horse. The' miller roared for + assistance, but the pell-mell was going on too warmly for his cries to be + available. In fact, he resembled an elephant with a monkey on his back. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * A brave man. He was a man of huge size and prodigious + strength, and died in consequence of an injury he received + in lifting one of the cathedral bells at Clogher, which is + said to be ten hundredweight. +</pre> + <p> + “'How do you like that, Farrell?' Neal would say, giving him a cuff—'and + that, and that; but that is best of all. Take it again, gudgeon (two cuffs + more)—here's grist for you (half a dozen additional)—hard + fortune to you! (crack, crack.) What! going to lie down!—by all + that's terrible, if you do, I'll annigulate* you! Here's a dhuragh,** + (another half dozen)—long measure, you savage!—the baker's + dozen, you baste!—there's five-an'-twenty to the score, Sampson! and + one or two in' (crack, whack). + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + * Annihilate—Many of the jawbreakers—and this was one in a + double sense—used by the hedge-schoolmasters, are scattered + among the people, by whom they were so twisted that it would + be extremely difficult to recognize them. + + ** Dhuragh—An additional portion of anything thrown in from + a spirit of generosity, after the Measure agreed on is + given. When the miller, for instance, receives his toll, the + country-people usually throw in several handfuls of meal as + a Dhuragh. +</pre> + <p> + “'Oh! murther sheery!' shouted the miller. 'Murther-an-age, I'm kilt! Foul + play!—foul play!' + </p> + <p> + “'You lie, big Nebuchodonosor! it's not—this is all fair play, you + big baste! Fair play, Sampson!—by the same a-token, here's to jog + your memory that it's the Fair day of Knockimdowny! Irish Fair play, you + whale! But I'll whale you' (crack, crack, whack). + </p> + <p> + “'Oh! oh!' shouted the miller. + </p> + <p> + “'Oh! oh! is it? Oh, if I had my scissors here till I'd clip your ears off—wouldn't + I be the happy man, any how, you swab, you?' (whack, whack, crack). + </p> + <p> + “'Murther! murther! murther!' shouted the miller. 'Is there no help?' + </p> + <p> + “'Help, is it?—you may say that (crack crack): there's a trifle—a + small taste in the milling style, you know; and here goes to dislodge a + grinder. Did ye ever hear of the tailor on horseback, Sampson? eh? (whack, + whack). Did you ever expect to see a tailor on horseback of yourself, you + baste? (crack). I tell you, if you offer to lie down, I'll annigulate you + out o' the face.' + </p> + <p> + “Never, indeed, was a miller before or since so well dusted; and, I dare + say, Neal would have rode him long enough, but for an O'Hallaghan, who had + gone into one of the houses to procure a weapon. This man was nearly as + original in his choice of one as the tailor in the position which he + selected for beating the miller. On entering the kitchen, he found that he + had been anticipated: there was neither tongs, poker, nor churn-staff, + nor, in fact, anything wherewith he could assault his enemies; all had + been carried off by others. There was, however, a goose, in the action of + being roasted on a spit at the fire: this was enough; Honest O'Hallaghan + saw nothing but the spit, which he accordingly seized, goose and all, + making the best of his way, so armed, to the scene of battle. He just came + out of an entry as the miller was once more roaring for assistance, and, + to a dead certainty, would have spitted the tailor like a cook-sparrow + against the miller's carcase, had not his activity once more saved him. + Unluckily, the unfortunate miller got the thrust behind which was intended + for Neal, and roared like a bull. He was beginning to shout 'Foul play!' + again, when, on turning round, he perceived that the thrust had not been + intended for him, but for the tailor. + </p> + <p> + “'Give me that spit,' said he; 'by all the mills that ever were turned, + I'll spit the tailor this blessed minute beside the goose, and we'll roast + them both together.' + </p> + <p> + “The other refused to part with the spit, but the miller seizing the + goose, flung it with all his force after the tailor, who stooped, however, + and avoided the blow. + </p> + <p> + “'No man has a better right to the goose than the tailor,' said Neal, as + he took it up, and, disappearing, neither he nor the goose could be seen + for the remainder of the day. + </p> + <p> + “The battle was now somewhat abated. Skulls, and bones, and bricks, and + stones, were, however, still flying; so that it might be truly said, the + bones of contention were numerous. The streets presented a woeful + spectacle: men were lying with their bones broken—others, though not + so seriously injured, lappered in their blood—some were crawling up, + but were instantly knocked down by their enemies—some were leaning + against the walls, or groping their way silently along them, endeavoring + to escape observation, lest they might be smashed down and altogether + murdered. Wives were sitting with the bloody heads of their husbands in + their laps, tearing their hair, weeping and cursing, in all the gall of + wrath, those who left them in such a state. Daughters performed the said + offices to their fathers, and sisters to their brothers; not pretermitting + those who did not neglect their broken-pated bachelors to whom they paid + equal attention. Yet was the scene not without abundance of mirth. Many a + hat was thrown up by the O'Callaghan side, who certainly gained the day. + Many a song was raised by those who tottered about with trickling sconces, + half drunk with whiskey, and half stupid with beating. Many a 'whoo,' and + 'hurroo,' and 'huzza,' was sent forth by the triumphanters; but truth to + tell, they were miserably feeble and faint, compared to what they had been + in the beginning of the amusement; sufficiently evincing that, although + they might boast of the name of victory, they had got a bellyful of + beating; still there was hard fighting. + </p> + <p> + “I mentioned, some time ago, that a man had adopted a scythe. I wish from + my heart there had been no such bloody instrument there that day; but + truth must be told. John O'Callaghan was now engaged against a set of the + other O's, who had rallied for the third time, and attacked him and his + party. Another brother of Rose Galh's was in this engagement, and him did + John O'Callaghan not only knock down, but cut desperately across the + temple. A man, stripped, and covered with blood and dust, at that moment + made his appearance, his hand bearing the blade of the aforesaid scythe. + His approach was at once furious and rapid, and I may as well add, fatal; + for before John O'Callaghan had time to be forewarned of his danger, he + was cut down, the artery of his neck laid open, and he died without a + groan. It was truly dreadful, even to the oldest fighter present, to see + the strong rush of red blood that curvated about his neck, until it + gurgled, gurgled, gurgled, and lappered, and bubbled out, ending in small + red spouts, blackening and blackening, as they became fainter and more + faint. At this criticality, every eye was turned from the corpse to the + murderer; but he had been instantly struck down, and a female, with a + large stone in her apron, stood over him, her arms stretched out, her face + horribly distorted with agony, and her eyes turned backwards, as it were, + into her head. In a few seconds she fell into strong convulsions, and was + immediately taken away. Alas! alas! it was Rose Galh; and when we looked + at the man she had struck down, he was found to be her brother! flesh of + her flesh, and blood of her blood! On examining him more closely, we + discovered that his under-jaw hung loose, that his limbs were supple; we + tried to make him speak, but in vain—he too was a corpse. + </p> + <p> + “The fact was, that in consequence of his being stripped, and covered by + so much blood and dust, she know him not; and, impelled by her feelings to + avenge herself on the murderer of her lover, to whom she doubly owed her + life, she struck him a deadly blow, without knowing him to be her brother. + The shock produced by seeing her lover murdered, and the horror of finding + that she herself, in avenging him, had taken her brother's life, was too + much for a heart so tender as hers. On recovering from her convulsions, + her senses were found to be gone for ever! Poor girl! she is still living; + but from that moment to this, she has never opened her lips to mortal. She + is, indeed, a fair ruin, but silent, melancholy, and beautiful as the moon + in the summer heaven. Poor Rose Galh! you and many a mother, and father, + and wife, and orphan, have had reason to maledict the <i>bloody Battles of + the Factions</i>. + </p> + <p> + “With regard to my grandfather, he says that he didn't see purtier + fighting within his own memory; not since the fight between himself and + Big Mucklemurray took place in the same town. But, to do him justice, he + condemns the scythe and every other weapon except the cudgels; because, he + says, that if they continue to be resorted to, nate fighting will be + altogether forgotten in the country.” + </p> + <blockquote> + <blockquote> + <p> + [It was the original intention of the author to have made every man in + the humble group about Ned M'Keown's hearth narrate a story + illustrating Irish life, feeling, and manners; but on looking into the + matter more closely, he had reason to think that such a plan, however + agreeable for a time, would ultimately narrow the sphere of his work, + and perhaps fatigue the reader by a superfluity of Irish dialogue and + its peculiarities of phraseology. He resolved therefore, at the close + of the <i>Battle of the Factions</i>, to abandon his original design, + and leave himself more room for description and observation. ] + </p> + </blockquote> + </blockquote> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Ned M'Keown Stories, by William Carleton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE NED M'KEOWN STORIES *** + +***** This file should be named 16012-h.htm or 16012-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/0/1/16012/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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