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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/15999-8.txt b/15999-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c1ee2ee --- /dev/null +++ b/15999-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2203 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Theater (1720), by Sir John Falstaffe + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: The Theater (1720) + + +Author: Sir John Falstaffe + +Release Date: June 7, 2005 [eBook #15999] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE THEATER (1720)*** + + +E-text prepared by David Starner, Linda Cantoni, and the Project Gutenberg +Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net) + + + +The Augustan Reprint Society, Series Four: No. 1, May, 1948 + +THE THEATRE + +SIR JOHN FALSTAFFE + +1720 + +With an Introduction by John Loftis + + + + + + +GENERAL EDITORS + +RICHARD C. BOYS, University of Michigan +EDWARD NILES HOOKER, University of California, Los Angeles +H.T. SWEDENBERG, JR., University of California, Los Angeles + + +ASSISTANT EDITOR + +W. EARL BRITTON, University of Michigan + + +ADVISORY EDITORS + +EMMETT L. AVERY, State College of Washington +BENJAMIN BOYCE, University of Nebraska +LOUIS I. BREDVOLD, University of Michigan +CLEANTH BROOKS, Yale University +JAMES L. CLIFFORD, Columbia University +ARTHUR FRIEDMAN, University of Chicago +SAMUEL H. MONK, University of Minnesota +ERNEST MOSSNER, University of Texas +JAMES SUTHERLAND, Queen Mary College, London + + +Lithoprinted from copy supplied by author + +by + +Edwards Brothers, Inc. + +Ann Arbor, Michigan, U.S.A. + +1948 + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +_The Theatre_, by "Sir John Falstaffe", is according to its author a +continuation of Richard Steele's periodical of the same name. Shortly after +Steele brought his paper to a close on April 5, 1720, the anonymous author +who called himself "Falstaffe" appropriated his title; or if we prefer +Falstaffe's own account of the matter, he was bequeathed the title upon the +decease of Steele's "Sir John Edgar". At any rate, the new series of +_Theatres_ was begun on April 9, 1720, and continued to appear twice a week +for eleven numbers until May 14. On Tuesdays and Saturdays Falstaffe +entertained the town with a pleasant essay in the tradition established by +_The Tatler_. + +But the paper of April 9, the first of the new _Theatres_, was only +nominally the first of a series; Falstaffe, who numbered the paper +"sixteen", had already written fifteen papers called _The Anti-Theatre_ in +answer to Steele's _Theatre_. The demise of Steele's periodical merely +afforded him an opportunity of changing his title; his naturally became +inappropriate when Steele's paper was discontinued and the shorter title +was probably thought to be more attractive to readers. Falstaffe made no +attempt to pass his papers off as the work of his famous rival, to gain +popularity for them through the reputation of Steele. Indeed, the +antagonism which existed between the two men would have made such an act of +deception an unlikely one. + +Steele's _The Theatre_, his last periodical, had been written for a +controversial purpose; by his own admission he wrote it to arouse support +for himself in a dispute in which he was engaged with the Lord Chamberlain, +the Duke of Newcastle. Steele, who by the authority of a Royal Patent was +governor of the Company of Comedians acting in Drury Lane, insisted that +his authority in the theatre was not respected by the Lord Chamberlain, the +officer of the Royal Household traditionally charged with supervision of +theatrical matters. Newcastle intervened in the internal affairs of Drury +Lane and, when Steele protested, expelled him from the theatre. Steele +could do nothing but submit, though he retaliated with a series of bitter +attacks on the Duke in _The Theatre_. + +Newcastle found defenders, of whom one of the strongest was Falstaffe, who +wrote in direct opposition to Steele's "Sir John Edgar", openly attempting +to provoke that knight to a journalistic contest. But Edgar gave scant +attention to his essays, though they were vigorously written and presented +strong arguments in defense of the Lord Chamberlain's intervention in Drury +Lane affairs. Steele acknowledged the first number of _The Anti-Theatre_ +(it appeared on February 15, 1720) in the fourteenth number of his own +paper, praising Falstaffe for his promise not to "intrude upon the private +concerns of life" in the debate which was to follow, but thereafter he all +but ignored his new rival. With the exception of a brief allusion in _The +Theatre_, No. 17 (an allusion which Falstaffe was quick to take up), Steele +made no more references to the other periodical. For a time Falstaffe +continued to answer the arguments Steele advanced in protest against the +Lord Chamberlain's action, but finding that he was unable to provoke a +response, he gave up the debate. After his ninth number of March 14, he had +little more to say about Steele or Drury Lane. + +Falstaffe, however, did not stop writing when he ceased defending +Newcastle's action. _The Anti-Theatre_ continued to come out twice a week +until the fifteenth number appeared on Monday, April 4. And in that paper +there was no indication that the periodical was to end or was to be changed +in any way. But on the day after, April 5, Steele issued _The Theatre_, No. +28, signed with his own name, which he announced would be the last in the +series. As no more _Anti-Theatres_ were known to have appeared after the +fifteenth, it has generally been assumed (though as we now know, +erroneously) that Falstaffe took his cue from Edgar and abandoned his own +series. + +But there has long been some reason to believe that Falstaffe did not cease +writing completely after the fifteenth _Anti-Theatre_. Though nothing was +known of his later work, a newspaper advertisement of his _The Theatre_ was +noted. But lacking any more definite information, scholars have doubted +the existence of the periodical. A volume in the Folger Shakespeare +Library, however, removes the doubt. There, bound with a complete set of +the original _Theatre_ by Sir John Edgar, are the ten numbers of the later +_Theatre_ which are reproduced here. These papers include the entire run of +Falstaffe's "continuation" with the exception of one number, the +nineteenth, which has apparently been lost. So far as is known, the copies +in the Folger are unique. + +The continuation of _The Theatre_ bears little trace of the controversial +bitterness present in Steele's paper of that name or in some of the early +numbers of _The Anti-Theatre_. Except in the mock will in No. 16, there is +no reference to Steele's dispute with Newcastle in the entire series. Nor, +in spite of the title, is there any discussion of theatrical matters. As a +source of information about the stage, it is virtually without value. But +if it be accepted as merely another of the gracefully written series of +literary essays which were so abundant in the early eighteenth century, its +value and charm are apparent. The unidentified author was an accomplished +scholar, and he wrote on a variety of subjects which have not lost their +appeal. The interest aroused by the essays is perhaps inseparable from our +historical interest in the life and manners of the time, but it is none the +less genuine. Perhaps nowhere more than in the personal essays about +subjects of contemporary importance--of which these are examples--is there +a more pleasing record of the social and intellectual life of a period. + +Of the ten essays reproduced here, probably the first (No. 16) is the only +one which contains allusions which will not be generally understood by +scholars. In this paper, in the account of the death of Sir John Edgar and +in the transcript of Edgar's will, there are references to Steele's dispute +with Newcastle over the control of Drury Lane Theatre. Falstaffe +facetiously recalls several points which were debated in the journalistic +war provoked by Steele's loss of his governorship, but in themselves the +points are of too little significance to merit explanation. + +The several allusions to the South Sea Bubble in these essays will be +easily recognized. In Nos. 21, 22, and 26, Falstaffe considers the +absurdities engendered by the Bubble (as he had previously in _The +Anti-Theatre_, Nos. 10, 11, 12, and 14), exhibiting a healthy distrust of +the fever of stock-jobbing then at its height. Though less extreme than +Steele in his criticism of the South Sea Company, Falstaffe shows himself +to have understood several months in advance of the crash the fundamental +unsoundness of the wave of speculation produced by the company's policies. + +The essay on duelling (No. 17) was probably suggested to Falstaffe by a +bill then pending in Parliament to make the practice unlawful. No other of +his essays resembles more closely those of his predecessor, Steele, who +during a lifetime of writing carried on a personal campaign to arouse +opposition to duelling. In Steele's own _Theatre_, there are two essays +devoted to the subject (Nos. 19 and 26). + +One of the most interesting of Falstaffe's papers is his twenty-fourth: his +discussion of the recently published memoirs of the deaf and dumb +fortuneteller, Duncan Campbell, memoirs which we know to have been written +by Daniel Defoe. And from Falstaffe's conspicuous reference to _Robinson +Crusoe_ in the paper, it seems evident that he also knew the identity of +the author. What we have then is, in effect, a contemporary review of +Defoe's book. Maintaining an air of seriousness, Falstaffe examines the +extravagant assertions made so confidently by Defoe, ironically suggesting +the implausibility and absurdity of some of them. Falstaffe's +matter-of-fact comments are well adapted to exposing the incredibility of +the similarly matter-of-fact narrative of Defoe. + +Who Sir John Falstaffe was we do not know. No clue to his identity has been +discovered. But from the essays themselves we learn something of his tastes +and predilections. A strong interest in classical antiquity is apparent in +numerous allusions to ancient history and mythology, allusions particularly +plentiful in _The Anti-Theatre_; an intelligent reverence for the writings +of Shakespeare may be observed in a series of admiring references; and +from his repeated remarks about Spain and Spanish literature, both in _The +Anti-Theatre_ and in _The Theatre_, we may probably conclude that he had +some special knowledge of that country and its literature. But all of this +can be but speculation. We know nothing positively about Falstaffe except +that he wrote a series of engaging essays. + +Falstaffe's _Theatre_ is reproduced, with permission, from the papers in +the Folger Shakespeare Library. + +John Loftis +Princeton University + + + + +Numb. XVI + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _I am Myself, but call me What you please._ + + South. in Oroon. + +Saturday, _April 9. 1720._ + + +Men, that like myself, set up for being Wits, and dictating to the World in +a censorial Way, should like Oracles endeavour to be barely heard, but +never have it distinguish'd from whence the Voice comes. _Faith_ and +_Reputation_ have ever been built on _Doubt_ and _Mystery_, and sometimes +the Art of being _unintelligible_ does not a little advance the Credit of a +Writer. There are many Reasons why we, who take upon Us the Task of Diurnal +or Weekly Lucubrations, should be like the River _Nilus_, sending abroad +fertile Streams to every Quarter, and still keeping our Heads undiscover'd. +But why should I be compell'd to give Reasons for every thing? _Were +Reasons as plenty as Blackberries_, as my worthy Ancestor was wont to say, +_I would not give a Reason upon Compulsion_. + +I have confess'd to the World I am a _Knight_ (nor am I asham'd to own it, +tho' 'tis a Condescension as Knighthood goes;) and my Name is _John +Falstaffe_; must they have too a Tree of my Pedigree, and a Direction to my +Lodgings? 'Tis ill-Manners to pluck the Masque off, when we would not be +known: besides that, Curiosity has lost Men many a Blessing, and plung'd +the Discoverers into signal Calamities; as witness _Oedipus_, and the +Oracle, _Lot's_ Wife, _Orpheus_ and _Eurydice_, and several other _true_ +and _ancient_ Histories, which I have something else to do than think of at +present. + +It was an Opinion growing apace in the Town, that Sir _John Edgar_ and I +were one and the same Man: but from what Tract or Circumstance this Notion +sprung, I can neither learn nor guess. I mounted the Stage as the +Adversary, and he accepted my Challenge: upon which I attack'd him with +such Weapons as Men of Learning commonly use against one another, yet he +declin'd the Combat. I was by This in Generosity compell'd to desist from +pursuing him, yet every now and then I took upon me to reprimand him, when +I observ'd him too free in the Use of certain Figures in Rhetorick, which +are the common Dialect of a Part of the Town famous for _good Fish_ and +_Female Orators_. Thus he continued his Course of Writing, sometimes very +obscure, sometimes too plain: according as either Vapours, or Spleen, or +Love, or Resentment, or _French_ Wine predominated; which I, by my Skill in +Natural Philosophy observing, thought it advisable to leave him to himself, +till the Court of Chancery should appoint him a proper Guardian. I cannot +deny, but that we shook Hands behind the Curtain, and have been very good +Friends for these eight Papers last, have been merry without any Gall, he +regarding me as a Gentleman Philosopher, and I looking upon him as an +inoffensive Humorist. + +I confess that it contributes much to my Peace of Soul, that we were +reconcil'd before his Departure from this Stage of Business and of Life. +The Reader will hereby understand that Sir _John_ is dead: It is for this +Reason that I appear in his Dress, that I assume his _Habit de Guerre_, for +Sir John chose me, from among all Men living, to be his sole Executor. The +Printer had no _black Letter_ by him, otherwise this Paper (as in Decency +it ought) should have appear'd in Mourning: however I shall use as much +Ceremony as the Time will allow; and, as _Hob_ did in the Farce by the Man +that hang'd himself, _I take up his Cloak, and am chief Mourner_. + +We never can do the Memory of a Great Man more Justice, than by being +particular in his Conduct and Behaviour at the Point of Death. Sir _John_, +tho' a Wit, took no Pains to shew it at his latest Hour, that is, he did +not dye like one of those _prophane_ Wits, who bid the Curtains be drawn, +and said _the Farce of Life was ended_. This is making our Warfare too +slight and ludicrous: He departed with more Grace, and, like the memorable +Type of his Prudence, _Don Quixote de la Mancha_, where he perceiv'd his +Sand was running out, he repented the Extravagance of his +_Knight-Errantry_, and ingenuously confess'd his _Family Name_. He seem'd +entirely dispos'd to dye in his Wits, and no doubt, did so: tho' by +Intervals, 'tis thought he was a little delirious, talk'd of taking Coach +to _Fishmongers_ Hall, broke into imperfect Sentences about _Annuities_ and +_South-Sea_, and mutter'd something to himself of making Dividends of _Ten +per Cent_ at least _six times a Year_. + +If Sir _John_ appear'd by all the Actions of his Life a Friend to Mankind, +he certainly did so in a great Measure at his Death, by the charitable +Disposition of what he died possess'd. I have given an Abridgment of his +Will, that the World may see he left his Legacies only where they were +truly wanted: Neither Favour nor Prejudice had any Influence over him in +his last Minutes, but he had nothing more at Heart than the Necessities of +his Legatees. + +'_In Nomini Domini_, Amen. I _John Edgar_, &c. _Knight_, being sound in +Body, but imperfect of Mind and Memory, do make this my last Will, &c. + +'_Item_, As to such personal Estate which I have the good Fortune to leave +behind me, I give and dispose thereof, as follows: And, best, I give and +bequeath all and singular my _Projects_ to the Society of _Stockjobbers_, +Share and Share alike, because I am sure they will be never the better for +them. + +'_Item_, I give and bequeath all my Right, Property and Share in the +_transparent Bee-hive_ to my indulgent Friend and Patron, his Grace the +Duke of ----, because he has taken such a particular Fancy to it. + +'_Item_, I give and bequeath the full _Profit_ of all those _Plays_ which I +have _Intentions of writing_, if it shall happen that I live to the Poor of +the Parish in which I shall dye: desiring it may be distributed by my +Executor, and _not come into the Hands of the_ Church-wardens. + +'_Item_, I give and bequeath my _Goosequilt_, with which I demolish'd +_Dunkirk_, to such Person as shall appear most strenuous for the Delivery +of _Port Mahon_ and _Gibraltar_ to the _Spaniards_. + +'And as to such _Qualifications_ wherewith I am endow'd, which have always +serv'd me in the Nature of _personal Estate_, I dispose thereof as follows; +First, I give and bequeath my _Politicks_ to the Directors of the _Academy_ +of _Musick_, my _Religion_ to the Bishop of B----, my _Eloquence_ to the +most distrest Author in _Grubstreet_, who writes the _full Accounts_ of +_Murthers & Rapes_, and _Fires_, and my _Obscurity_ to somebody that is +inclin'd to turn _Casuist in Divinity_. + +'_Item_, I give my _Beauty_ to Mr. _Dennis_, because he had a Mind to steal +it from me while I was alive. + +'_Item_, I give my _Wits_ to my Friends at _Button's_, my _Good Manners_ to +the _Deputy Governors_ of _Drury Lane_ Theatre; and my _Charity_ to the +_married_ and _unmarried Ladies_ of the said Theatre; and lest Disputes +should arise about the Distribution thereof, it being too little for them +All, my Desire is, that they be determin'd in their Shares by Lot. + +'And I make and appoint Sir _John Falstaffe_, Knight, my full and whole +Executor, and residuary Legatee, desiring him to continue my Paper of the +_Theatre_, but after his own Stile and Method; and desiring likewise that +the Sum of Forty Shillings may be given to the Boys of the _Charity School_ +of St. _Martin_ in the Fields, to write me an _Elegy_ any Time within +_Eighteen_ Years after my Decease.' + +He left several other Legacies to the Theatrical _Viceroys_, whose Interest +he had always so much at Heart, such as, his _Humility_, his _Learning_ and +_Judgment_ in _Dramatick Poetry_; but these being Things _which they always +lived without_, and which we are assur'd, _they will never claim_, we +thought it needless to insert them. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XVII. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + + --_Animasque in vulnere ponunt._ + + Virg. + +Tuesday, _April 12. 1720._ + + +The Incident of a late _Prize_ fought at one of our Theatres, has given me +some Occasion to amuse myself with the Rise, and Antiquity of _Duelling_; +and to enquire what Considerations have given it such Credit, as to make it +practicable as well in all Countries, as in all Times. Religion and Civil +Policy have ever declar'd against the Custom of receiving _Challenges_, and +deny that any Man has a Right, by a Tryal at _Sharps_, to destroy his +Fellow-Creature. History, 'tis true; both sacred and prophane, is full of +Instances of these sort of Combats: but very few are recorded to have +happen'd between Friends, none on the light and idle Misconstruction of +Words, which has set most of our modern _Tilters_ at Work. The _Athenians_ +made it penal by a Law so much as to call a Man a _Murtherer_: and the +Detestation of Antiquity is so plain to this inhuman Kind of Proceeding, +that when _Eteocles_ and _Polynices_ had kill'd each other upon the +important Quarrel of disputed Empire, the Government order'd the +Challenger's Body to be thrown out as a Prey to the Dogs and Birds, and +made it Death for any one to sprinkle Dust over it, or give it the least +honorary Marks of Interment. + +The _Duelling_ so much in Fashion for a few late Centuries is so scandalous +to _Christianity_ and _common Understanding_, and grounded upon none of +those specious Occasions which at first made it warrantable, that it is +high Time the Wisdom of Commonwealths should interpose to discountenance +and abrogate a pernicious Liberty, whose Source springs alone from Folly +and Intemperance. Sir _Walter Raleigh_ has very wisely observ'd in his +_History_ of the _World_, that _the acting of a private Combat, for a +private Respect, and most commonly a frivolous One, is not an Action of +Virtue, because it is contrary to the Law of God, and of all Christian +Kings: neither is it difficult, because even and equal in Persons and Arms: +neither for a publick Good, but tending to the contrary, because the Loss +or Mutilation of an able Man, is also a Loss to the Commonweal_. + +Yet vile and immoral as this Custom is, it has so far prevail'd as to make +way for a _Science_, and is pretended, like Dancing, to be taught By _Rule_ +and _Book_. The Advertisements, which are of great Instruction to curious +Readers, inform us, that a late Baronet had employ'd his Pen in laying down +the _solid_ Art of _Fighting_ both on _Foot_ and _Horseback_: by reading of +which Treatise any Person might in a short time attain to the Practice of +it, either for the Defence of Life upon a just Occasion, or Preservation of +Honour, in any accidental Scuffle or Quarrel. That is, if I may have +Permission, without being challeng'd, to divest the Title of its Pomp, this +solid Art would soon put one in a Capacity of killing one's Man, and +standing a fair Chance of bequeathing one's Cloaths and Neck to the +Hangman. It is observable, that Mr. _Bysshe_, in his Collection of +agreeable and sublime Thoughts, for the Imitation of future Poets, when he +comes to the Topick of _Honour_, ingeniously refers his Readers to the Word +_Butcher_; tacitly implying that the Thoughts upon both Heads have a +_Coherence_, as the Terms themselves are _synonomous_. In short, your +Practitioners in Duelling are so barbarous in their Nature; that their +whole Study is picking up Occasions to be engaged in a Quarrel. They are a +sort of _Quixots_, whose heads are so full of mischievous Chivalry, that +they will mistake the _Sails_ of a _Wind-mill_ for the _Arms_ of a _Gyant_; +and it is fifty to one, if the most innocent Motions, Looks, or Smiles, are +not, by their Prepossessions, construed Airs of Defiance, Offence, or +Ridicule. There is a Passage in _Hamlet_, which never fails of raising +Laughter in the Audience; 'tis where the Clowns are preparing a Grave for +_Ophelia_, and descanting on the Unreasonableness of her being buried in +Christian Burial, _who willfully sought her own Salvation. Will you ha' the +Truth or on't?_ says one of them wisely, _if this had not been a +Gentlewoman, she should have been buried out of_ Christian Burial. _Why +there though say'st it_; replies his Fellow, _and the more is the Pity that +great Folk should have Countenance in this World to drown, or hang +themselves more than us poor Folk_. The Application is so easy, that I +shall leave it for everyone to make it for himself. + +Next to my first Wish, that _Duelling_ were totally restrain'd, methinks, I +could be glad that our young hot _Bravo's_ would not be altogether +_brutal_, but quarrel mathematically, and with some Discretion. I would +recommend the Caution, which _Shakespear_ has prescrib'd by an Example, of +offering and accepting a Challenge. In one of his Plays, there is an +hereditary Quarrel betwixt two Families, and the Servants on each Side are +so zealous in their Masters Cause, that they never meet without a Desire of +fighting, yet are shy of giving the Occasion of Combat. The transcribing a +short Passage will give the best Idea of their Conduct. + + Samp. _I will bite my Thumb at them, which is a Disgrace to them + if they bear it._ + + Abra. _Do you bite your Thumb at Us, Sir?_ + + Samp. _I do bite my Thumb, Sir._ + + Abra. _Do you bite your Thumb at Us, Sir?_ + + Samp. _Is the Law on our Side, if I say, Ay?_ + + Greg. _No._ + + Samp. _No, Sir; I do not bite my Thumb at you, Sir; but I bite my + Thumb, Sir._ + +The most beneficial Things to a Commonwealth will have some of its Members +who will think them a Grievance. I have just now receiv'd the following +Letter from a _Fencing-Master_, who is very apprehensive of Business +falling off, if the _Act_ against _Duelling_ should take place. + + "Sir, + + "As you are both a Knight and a Gentleman (which now-a-days don't + always meet in one Man) I will make bold to Expostulate with you + upon a Bill depending in the House of Commons, I mean that + against _Duelling_. Every good Subject has a right of dissenting + to any Bill propos'd, either by petition, or Pamphlet, before it + passes into a Law; and this concerns the Honour of all Orders of + Men from the Prince to the private Gentleman. I make free to tell + you in a Word, if this passes, there's an End of _good Manhood_ + in the King's Dominions. How must all the Important Quarrels, + which happen in Life, among men of Honour, be decided? Must a + heedless sawcy Coxcomb frown, or tread upon a Gentleman's Toes + with Impunity? No, I suppose, the great Cause of Honour must be + determined by the womanish Revenge of Scolding; and when two + Peers or Gentlemen have had some manly Difference, they must + chuse their _Seconds_ from _Billingsgate_ or the _Bar_--Consider, + Sir, how many brave Gentleman have comfortably kept good Company, + and had their Reckoning always paid, only by shewing a _broad + Blade_, and cherishing a fierce Pair of _Whiskers_. Good Manners + must certainly die with Chivalry; for what keeps all the pert + Puppies about Town in Awe, but the Fear of being call'd to + Account? Don't you know that there are a Set of impertinent + Wretches, who are always disturbing publick Assemblies with Riots + and Quarrels, only upon a presumption of being hinder'd from + fighting, by the Crowd? There will be no end of such Grievances, + if this Law takes Place. Besides, Sir, I hope it will be + consider'd, what will become of us Brothers of the Blade; the Art + we profess will grow of no Use to Mankind; and, of Consequence, + we shall be expos'd to Poverty and Disgrace. Consider, Sir, how + many bright Qualifications must go to the finishing one of us; we + require Parts as elegant, generous, and manly, as any Profession + whatsoever; therefore, I hope, that some publick Spirit in the + House of Commons, who is a Lover of his Country, and a Friend to + Arts and Sciences, will start up and distinguish himself against + this Bill. You know that our Profession is justly call'd the + Noble _Science_ of _Defence_, and makes a considerable Branch of + the _Mathematicks_; if the Ignorant should gain this Point + against us, they won't stop here; no doubt, their Design is to + attack all Arts and Sciences, and beat them one by one quite out + of the Nation; the _Assault_, 'tis true, seems only made against + us; but wise Men foresee that all Learning is in Danger. Our + Adversaries are upon the _Longe_ with their Swords just at our + Breasts, I desire therefore your Advice and Assistance, in what + _Guard_ we must stand to _parry_ this fatal _Thrust_. Yours, + + "FLANKANADE." + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XVIII. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Totum hominem Deus adsumit, quia totus ab ipsô est; + Et totum redimit quem sumpserat, omne reducens + Quicquid homo est, istud Tumulis, ast istud Abyssô._ + + Prudent. + + [Greek: Phthenxomai hois themis osti, thuras d' epithesthe + bebêlois.] + + Orpheus. + +Saturday, _April 16. 1720._ + + +The Person, who confines himself to the Task of writing a Paper of +Entertainment, is not thereby obliged to be continually ludicrous in his +Composition, or to expect that his Readers should always be upon the broad +Grin. The _rational_, as well as _risible_, Faculties are to be exercised; +and if I think fit to be too precisely serious to Day, my good-natur'd +Customers will give me an Indulgence, and believe that I will make it up to +them with Mirth on _Tuesday_. + +As I devoted the spare Hours of yesterday to Meditation, I could not help +reflecting, what little Notion we have at this Time of _Prodigies_ and +_Phenomena_, that are not in the common Course of Nature. We are grown +_Epicureans_ in our Principles, and force our selves to believe, that it is +Fear, Superstition, or Ignorance, to fancy that Providence sends the World +a Warning in extraordinary Appearances: We buoy our selves up, that we only +want such a Portion of Philosophy to account for what startles the +Grossness of Sense, and to know that such Appearances must have their Cause +in Nature, tho' we cannot readily determine where to fix it. This brings to +my Mind, when _Glendour_ was boasting in the Play, that at his Nativity the +Heavens were full of fiery Shapes, and the Foundation of the Earth shook +like a Coward; _Hotspur_ reply'd humourously, _Why so it would have done at +the same Season, if your Mother's Cat had but kitten'd, tho' your self had +never been born_. + +If we are to think so slightly of these uncommon Accidents, since the +Fashion of the Times will call them so, I would fain be resolved in one +Point, how it comes to pass, that the Birth and Death of so many eminent +Persons, and of Consequence to the World, have been mark'd and usher'd in +with such a Pomp of Prodigies. The same great Poet, whom I but now quoted, +observes finely, that, + + _When Beggars die, there are no Comets seen: + The Heav'ns themselves blaze forth the Death of Princes._ + +The whole Concurrence of Historians, even of the most undoubted Authority, +have struck in, and espoused this Opinion. They are not all Fools and +superstitious Dotards, nor tied by any Obligations to record a Set of +Miracles, which in their own private Thoughts they counted absurd, and +laugh'd at. Every Pen, that has touch'd the Circumstance of _Julius +Cæsar's_ Death, has consented to relate the Strange Things, which both +foresaw and foretold his Assassination. _Shakespear_ has communicated these +Terrors to his Audience with the utmost Art: The Night is attended with +Thunder and Lightning; and _Cæsar_ comes forth in his Night-gown, +reflecting on the Unquietness of the Season, and ordering the Priests to do +present Sacrifice: _Calphurnia_ immediately follows him; and the +Undauntedness of his Spirit, attack'd by the Tenderness of his Wife's +Tears, gives an Occasion for the following Recital. + + Cæsar, _I never stood on Ceremonies; + Yet now they fright me: There is one within, + Besides the Things that we have heard and seen, + Recounts most horrid Sights seen by the Watch. + A Lioness hath whelped in the Streets; + And Graves have yawn'd, and yielded up their Dead: + Fierce fiery Warriours fight upon the Clouds, + (In Ranks and Squadrons, and right Forms of War) + Which drizzled Blood upon the_ Capitol. + _The Noise of Battle hurried in the Air, + Horses did neigh, and dying Men did groan, + And Ghosts did shriek, and squeal about the Streets. + O_ Cæsar! _These Things are beyond all Use, + And I do fear them_. + +The Poet, tho' he has adorned this Description by his Art, has been careful +to collect its Substance from the Historians. Every Particular is preserved +to us by the _Heathen_ Writers; and not a _Heathen_, that we know of, did +ever dispute the Truth of it. The Love and Esteem which the Generality bore +to the Person of _Cæsar_, the Reverence which they paid to the Dignity of +his Character, and the important Services which he had done the +Commonwealth, contributed not only to convince them of these Prodigies, but +to make some effort, that the Gods had received him into their Number. + +The Use, which I intended from this Subject, is, that as _Christians_, who +have more invaluable Obligations to remember, we should suffer our Faith +and Gratitude to extend as least as far as the _Pagans_ did. There was a +dread Time (for the Commemoration whereof a Day is annually set a-part) +_when the Sun was eclipsed, and Darkness was over all the Land; when the +Vail of the Temple was rent asunder from the Top to the Bottom; when the +Earth quaked, and Rocks were split; when the Graves were opened, and the +Bodies of Saints, which slept in Death, arose and walked_. Let _Atheists_ +alone, and _Freethinkers_ disbelieve the Terrors of that Hour. 'Twas fit +that Nature should feel such Convulsions, when the Lord of Life suffered +such Indignities. + +I almost fear least my Readers should suspect that I am usurping the +Province of the Pulpit, and therefore I shall continue this Discourse in +the Words of a Poet, who will ever be esteemed in the _English_ Tongue. +When _Adam_ is doom'd to be turn'd out of Paradise, _Milton_ has by a happy +Machinery supposed, that the Angel _Michael_ is dispatched down to +pronounce the Sentence, and mitigate it by shewing _Adam_ in Vision, what +should happen to his Posterity. Amongst the rest, the _Incarnation_ is +shadowed out; and the Angel tells him, that the _Messiah_ shall spring from +_his_ Loins, and make a Satisfaction for the Punishment, which _he_ by his +Transgression had earned on himself and his Race. + + _For this he shall live hated, be blasphem'd, + Seis'd on by Force, judg'd, and to Death condemn'd, + A shameful and accurst, nail'd to the Cross + By his own Nation, slain for bringing Life; + But to the Cross He nails thy Enemies + The Law that is against thee, and the sins + Of all Mankind, with him there crucified, + Never to hurt them more, who rightly trust + In this his Satisfaction: So he dies, + But soon revives; Death over him no Power + Shall long usurp: e'er the third dawning Light + Return, the Stars of Morron shall see him rise + Out of his Grave, fresh as the dawning Light, + The Ransom paid, which Man from Death redeems._ + +I cannot better conclude the Triumph of this Promise, than by the Speech, +in which _Adam_ expresses his Joy and Wonder at these glad Tidings. + + _'O Goodness infinite! Goodness immense, + That all this Good of Evil shall produce, + And Evil turn to Good; more wonderful + Than that, which by Creation first brought forth + Light out of Darkness! Full of doubt I stand, + Whether I should repent me now of Sin + By me done and committed, or rejoice + Much more, that much more Good thereof shall spring._ + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XX. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Tristius baud illis monstrum, nec sævior ulla + Pestis, & ira Deum_, Stygiis _sese extulit oris._ + + Virg. + +Saturday, _April 23. 1720._ + + +It is very odd to consider, yet very frequently to be remark'd, that tho' +we have all so many Passions and Appetites pushing for the Government of +us, and every one of us has a Portion of Reason, that, if permitted, would +regulate our Conduct: yet we are obstinate not to be directed by that +Reason, and give the Rein and Regulation of our Actions over to the +Passions and Appetites of other People. This is putting our selves upon the +Foot of _Epicurus's_ Deities, who were too indolent to look after the World +themselves, and left the Task of Providence to Chance and Second Causes. + +I grant, it is very necessary that our Misconduct should be assisted, and +set right by wiser Judgment; but the Danger is, and especially among the +Female Sex, into what Hands this Power of Direction is committed. The Trust +of Friendship is so often betrayed, and the Duty of the Office postponed to +private Interest, that it is a Question whether we are not safer, while we +give a Loose to our own extravagant Excursions. The Institution of +_Douegnas_, or Governesses in _Spain_, we do not doubt, was a Design well +befitting the Caution of that wise and reserved Nation; but the Corruption +of the Persons intrusted, soon brought them into so much Disreputation, +that they became the Objects of hatred and Scandal. + +Don _Francisco de Quevedo_, in his general Satires, has set these Vermin in +such a Light, as gives a shrewd Suspicion of their having been mischievous +in his own Family. He dreams that he is got within the Confines of Death, +and, among the other visionary Figures presented, he is encountred by an +old _Governante_. _How's this_! says he, in a great Amazement, _Have ye any +of those Cattle in this Country? Let the Inhabitants pray heartily for +Peace then; and all little enough to keep them quiet_. In short, he makes +the old Gentlewoman acquaint him, that she had been Eight Hundred Years in +Hell, upon a Design to erect an Order of the _Governantes_; but the Right +Worshipful _Satanic_ Commissioners were not as yet come to any Resolution +upon the Point: For, they said, if your _Governantes_ should come once to +settle there, there would be no Occasion for any other Tormentors, and the +Devils themselves would be but so many _Jacks out of Office_. _I have +been_, says she, _too in_ Purgatory _upon the same Project, but there so +soon as ever they set Eyes upon me, all the Souls cried out unanimously_, +Libera nos, Domine. _And as for_ Heaven, _That's no Place for Quarrels, +Slanders, Disquiets, Heart-burnings, and consequently none for_ Me. + +These are the _Douegna's_ which the Suspicions of the _Spaniards_ at first +intended as Spies upon the Conduct of their Wives and Daughters. We have a +Species of _Governantes_ among us in _England_, who being admitted into a +Familiarity in Families, by Policy improve it into Friendship: this +Friendship lets them into a Degree of Trust, which they are diligent to +turn into the best Advantage; and having always little servile Ends of +their own to obtain, their surest Step is to sow Dissention, and strengthen +their own Interest, by alienating the Affections of the Wife from her +Husband; whose _Bread_ they are eating at the same Time, that they are +undermining his _Quiet_ in the nearest Concerns of Life. + +Making a Visit the other Day to my Friend _Gellius_, who happened to be +abroad, I found the Partner of his Bosom _Clarissa_, and her eternal +Companion _Drusilla_, all in Tears. I was not received with that open +Familiarity, which was used to be shewn me; and I observed something in +them of that kind of Reserve, which is common with People who are under +some great Affliction. I at first apprehended, that some fatal Accident had +happen'd to the Person or Circumstances of my Friend; but, upon Inquiry, I +was set easy as to these Fears, tho' they would give me no Hint, by which I +might guess at the Cause of their Disquietude. Finding them in a +Disposition so unapt for Mirth, I took my Leave; judging, it could be no +worse than some little domestick Misunderstanding, occasion'd, perhaps, by +a disagreeable Command on the Side of the Husband, or some Contradiction on +the Side of the Wife. But my Man, who is very intimate with all the +Servants, has since let me into the Secret. It seems, there is a strange +Union of Souls between these two Ladies; from what Affinity of Disposition, +or mysterious Impulse, is a Secret only known to Nature and themselves. +They love and hate alike; their Sympathies and Antipathies are the same; +and all Joys are tasteless to the One, without the Company and +Participation of the Other. Their Affection is of that tender, that +delicate Nature, that the smallest Jealousie, the least Unkindness blasts +it. It happen'd one Day, that _Clarissa_ was more than commonly civil to +her Husband: There was something past between them, that look'd like +Fondness, and this in the Presence of _Drusilla_: Who can express the +Passions that struggled in the Female Rival's Soul? Despair, Rage, +Jealousie, and Anguish at once possess'd her; and it was now Time to retire +to Sleep; the Lady with her Husband withdrew to Bed, and the jealous Friend +likewise committed her self to her Pillow, tho' not to Rest. Her Soul was +busied with the bitter Reflexion of what had past, and what further +Endearments might be practis'd. Unable to compose her self, she resolves to +rise, and pretends Sickness: _Clarissa_ is disturbed from the Embraces of +her Husband; nor is suffer'd to go back to the Bed of Wedlock, till she has +promis'd her disgusted Friend, by a forc'd Indifference to restrain the +Liberties of the inamour'd _Gellius_. + +The learned Times, I find, were not unacquainted with these _Female +Intimacies_: And by the Names they affix'd to the Persons practising them, +which I shall forbear to mention, 'tis plain they put none of the best +Constructions on their Familiarities. + +_Plato_, I remember, offers at a Reason in Nature for such Conversations. +He tells us, that at first Mankind were made with _Two_ Heads, _Four_ Arms, +_Four_ Legs, and so every Way double: that of these, there were _three_ +Sorts; some, double Men; some, double Women; and some Hermaphrodites. +_Jupiter_, upon an Offence committed, split them all into _Two's_; from +whence arises in Mankind that Desire of a Companion, as his other half to +perfect his Being. The Consequence of this Division was, that they, who in +their original State were _double Men_, are still fond of the _Ganymede's_ +with smooth Chins; and they, who were at first _double Women_, are at this +Day enamoured of their own Sex, and _Platonicks_ as to any Commerce with +Ours. + +I have heard so much to the Disadvantage of these _Inamorata's_, that I +consider a Man, who is link'd to such a Wife, in the State of the _Lover_ +and his _Two Mistresses_ in the _Fable_. The one, who was a little turned +in Years, pulled out all his _black_ Hairs, to make him look nearer to her +Standing: and the other, who was in her Bloom, pick'd out all the _grey_ +ones, that the World might not suspect she had an Old Man; 'till between +them, they made him as bald as Father _Time_ himself. + +I shall conclude with the Story of an unfortunate Gentleman, who had +suffer'd heavily in this Way, and went abroad to avoid his Slavery. As he +was travelling from _Madrid_ to _Valladolid_, he found himself belated, and +wanted to take up his Night's Quarters in some middle Place. He was +informed, the nearest Way would bring him to a small Village, call'd +_Douegnas_; which with us would be the Village of _Governesses_. _But is +there no other Place_, said he, _within some reasonable Distance, either +short of, or beyond it_? They told him, No, unless it were at a _Gallows_. +_Nay, there shall be my Quarters then_, said he, _I am resolved; for a +Thousand_ Gibbets _are not so bad to me as One_ Douegna. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXI. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + [Greek: Kronidês phrenas exeleto Zeus]. + + Homer. + +Tuesday, _April 26. 1720._ + + +The Writer who attempts either to divert, or instruct the Town, has, +perhaps, a worse Chance of succeeding now, than in any Age before. The +Conversation of the World is changed, Gaiety and Mirth are banished from +Society, and the buisy Affair of Avarice has taken up the Thoughts of every +Company; if a Man in a Coffee-House takes up a _News-Paper_, the first +Thing he turns to is the Price of the _Stocks_; if he looks over the +_Advertisements_, it is in Quest of some new _Project_; when he has +finished his Enquiry, and mixes in Conversation, you hear him expatiate +upon the Advantage of some favourite Project, or curse his Stars for +missing the lucky Moment of buying as he intended at the Rise of the +South-Sea. Another complains of the Roguery of some Broker or Director, +whom he intrusted; this I have heard canvass'd over and over, with so many +Aggravations of Meanness and Knavery against each other, that, I confess, I +shall never see a poor Malefactor go to suffer Death for robbing another of +ten Pounds upon the High-Way, but I shall look with Compassion on his +Condition, and perhaps reflect secretly upon the Partiality of publick +Justice. I know so many little infamous Frauds, so many Breaches of Honour, +and Friendship, in the Conduct of these Persons, that I should think it a +Piece of Justice to expose them, could I imagine it would bring them to +Shame or Amendment; but I shall leave them to work their Way to _Wealth_ +and _Contempt_, which I presume they will be very well contented with; nor +envy any Man the Merit of his Poverty and good Nature. But I cannot forbear +admiring the Nature of Projects, and by what furious Impulse Mankind is +carried into them: No Person asks the Question, whether they be for the +Good of the Nation; for, it seems to me, that no Man cares, provided he +gets by them himself. + +We use our Country like our Step-Mother, we have no natural Affection for +her, we are Foreigners to her Blood, and when we have sucked her dry, we +make no Returns of Gratitude in her Necessities, but turn her loose to +shift for her self; I think this the Case, if you consider the Condition of +a rising Project, which every Man that's concerned in, intends to get out +of, and declares he will not trust too long. + +I have very little Capacity, or Inclination, to argue upon this Subject; +and being a little indolent withal, I shall take the Liberty of +entertaining to Day with a Story, that lies ready at my elbow; and which I +declare before-hand, has no significant Meaning in it, that I know of: If +the Sagacity of my Readers can make more of it than my self, in God's Name, +let them please themselves with the Application. + +There is a small _Island_ on the Coast of _Denmark_, in which there are +five Towns; the Lord of this Place was very poor, rather because he coveted +much, than that he wanted any Thing. God has afflicted the Inhabitants with +a general Inclination in them all to be _Projectors_, so that the Land +seemed to be infested with as many Monsters as there were Men: So +prodigious was the natural Proneness to projecting in that Country, that +the very sucking Babes cried out _Project_, before they could say _Papa_ or +_Mamma_; the whole island was a confused Chaos, for Man and Wife, Father +and Son, Neighbour and Neighbor, were ever jangling about their Projects, +and they were as intoxicated with them as if they had been drunk with Wine. +The Lord of this Place ordered a general Examination of all _Projects_. +Legions of _Projectors_ assembled before his Palace with Skrips and Scrolls +of Paper stuck in their Girdles, run through their Button-holes, and +peeping through their Pockets. The Lord having made known his Wants, +demanded their Assistance; and they all at once laying hold of their +Papers, and crowding till they had almost stifled one another, in an +Instant heap'd up four Tables with their Memoirs. The first Paper he cast +his Eyes on was, _How to raise an unmeasurable Treasure by Subscription of +all that Men are worth, and yet inrich them by taking it away. The first +Part_, quoth the Lord, _of taking from all Men, I like; but as to the +second, which is to inrich them by taking it away, I am dubious of, yet let +them look to that_. He looked over a Multitude of others. In the mean Time +the Projectors quarrelled, each approving his own Scheme, and condemning +the rest; and they grew so Scurrilous, they called one another _Sons of +Projectors_ instead of _Sons of Whores_. The Lord commanded Peace, and +being tempted with their Offers, receiv'd and allow'd several of their +Proposals: Whereupon they all swore they would stand by him in all +Extremities. A few Days after, the Lord's Servants came out, and cried the +Palace was on Fire in three several Places, and the Wind blew high. The +Lord was in a great Consternation; the Projectors gathered about him, bid +him sit still, and be easy, and they would set all to Rights in a Moment; +Upon which they fell to Work, and laid their Hands on all they found in the +House, casting every Thing of Value out at the Windows; others with Sledges +threw down a Tower; others cried the Fire would cease, as soon as it had +Vent, and fell to unroofing the House; and so destroy'd the whole Structure +they were called to save. None endeavoured to extinguish the Fire; they +were all busy in confounding every Thing they could grasp. At length the +Smoak decreased, and the Lord, going out, perceived that the common People +had master'd the Fire, while the Projectors had demolished his Palace, and +destroyed his Furniture: Incens'd and raging at this Sight, he cried out, +_Rogues, you are worse than the Fire, and so are all your Projects; it were +better I had been burnt, than to have given Ear to your destructive +Counsels. You overturn a whole House, least a Corner of it should fall; you +feed a Prince with his own Limbs, and pretend to maintain him, when he is +devouring himself. Villains, justly did the Fire come to burn me, for +suffering you to live; but, when it perceived me in the Power of +Projectors, it ceased, concluding I was already consumed. Fire is the most +merciful of Projectors, for Water quenches it; but you increase in spight +of all the Elements_. Princes may be poor; but when they once have to do +with Projectors, they cease to be Princes, to avoid being poor. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXII + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Quos_ Jupiter _vult perdere, dementat prius._ + +Saturday, _April 30. 1720._ + + +It is common with Authors of my Rank to give themselves Airs of +Consequence, when they assume a Right of correcting, or reforming, the +Vices, or Follies of the Age. The late Sir _John Edgar_, of obscure Memory, +pretended to define a Sort of Men whom he called _wrong-headed_, and has +told two or three Stories by Way of Examples, from whence he wou'd have you +think, that a Slip of Memory, is an Error in Judgment; as you may see in +his Instance of the Foot Soldier, who robbed the Gentleman, and forgetting +that he had put the Things into his own Pockets, afterwards changed Coats +with the Gentleman, and by that Means put him again in Possession of +whatever he before had robbed him. Without any Malice to Sir _John's_ +Remaines, I shall beg Leave to observe, that the Term _wrong-headed_ more +properly belongs to him, who has an ill Turn of thinking, and judging, than +to him who commits a careless Oversight, which is common to Men of the best +Parts. My Reason for introducing this, is, from some Reflections that I +have made on the Subject of my last Paper; by which it appears to me that +there are Multitudes of this Sort of People in the World, pursuing Fortune +in a very giddy Way. I suppose it will be thought ridiculous, to call him +_wrong-headed_, who by any Artifice shall improve his Estate; yet when the +Misfortunes of others, and those by much the greater Number, and a Decay of +Trade are put in Ballance against that Artifice, I doubt this Charge must +be somewhere, tho' I am not cunning enough to tell where. As I see but +little Company, and retire for my Ease and the Improvement of my Studies; I +was deeply ingaged in Thought the other Night upon this Topick, and in made +such a strong Impression upon me, that it produced a very odd Dream. As it +is the Weakness of Women, and old Men, to be fond of telling their Dreams +to their Friends, I hope my Readers will excuse me this Infirmity of my +Age. + +Methought, I saw a Lady of a middle Age, large Stature, and in the Fulness +of her Beauty, stand before me, magnificently dress'd; I had not Leisure to +peruse her, before she began to walk about, skip and dance, and used so +many odd Gestures, that she appeared to me little better than mad. I had +the Curiosity to approach, to observe what she might be, when upon +contemplating her Features, her Dress, and her Air, I fancied, I had seen +her exact Likeness in several Maps and Drawings in _Metzo-Tinto_, where her +Form was made use of to express _Britannia_. This gave me a Tenderness and +Compassion for her Condition; I ask'd her many Questions, by her Replies +to which I perceived her Head was a little turned, and her Notions of +Things extravagant. She owned, she had forsaken all those ingenious and +industrious Arts, which she had practised long to the Wonder of her +Neighbours, with the Reputation of a discreet and vertuous Matron, and now +was resolved to turn _Rope-Dancer_. This was no sooner said, but she falls +to work, to setting up her Tackle with proper Supporters; and to my very +great Astonishment fixed one End of her Rope in _France_, and t'other in +_Holland_. The Inhabitants of these Countries flock'd to behold her, +watching and wishing for her Fall, and every one ready to receive her; she +tottered strangely, and seemed ready to come down every Minute; upon which +those below stretch'd out their Hands in Order to pull her down, and shewed +Joy, and Disappointment, in their Looks alternately, as often as she +stumbled or recovered. She begg'd for a Pole to poise her, but no body +wou'd lend her one; and looked about in vain for help. There appeared at +some Distance a Man in a broad Hat, and short Cloak, with a swarthy +Complexion, and black Whiskers, who seemed altogether unconcern'd at what +shou'd happen; to her in her Frights she gave him many a Look, as if she +silently begg'd his Assistance, but whether she had done him any Injury, or +that her Pride would not suffer her to turn Petitioner, she seemed ashamed +to call to him for Help. Thus she went on tottering, 'till she tore all her +Garments, so that her Robes appeared like the ragged Colours in +_Westminster-Hall_; at length seeing her Danger, he reached her out a Pole, +and then she shewed a tolerable Skill and Agility; which the People +perceiving, who were towards France, they resolved to let go the Rope that +she might slip down to their Side, and this gave me such Pain for her +Safety, that I waked with a Start of Consternation. + +Tho' there was nothing in this but a Dream, it cannot be imagined how +concerned I was, that it did not last till I could be satisfied whether she +fell, or no. I was grave for at least an Hour after, and reflected on the +Policy of those, who forsake a safe and profitable Path, for vain and +dangerous Flights; I fancied my self a Politician too, and imagined I knew +what a Nation of _Projectors_ must bring their Country to. I shall here +make a Digression, without giving any Reason for it; for since I am not +bound to the Unities of Time, and Place, as we are in Poetry, I stand in no +Awe of the peevish Criticks. + +Three _French_ Men were travelling into _Spain_, over the Mountains of +_Biscay_: One of them trundled before him a _Wheelbarrow_, with Implements +for grinding _Knives_ and _Scissors_; another carried a Load of +_Mouse-Traps_ and _Bellows_; and the third had a Box of Combs and _Pins_. A +poor _Spaniard_, who was travelling into _France_ on Foot, with his Cloak +on his Shoulder, met them half Way on the Ascent of a craggy Hill. They +sate down to rest in the Shade, and began to confer Notes. They asked the +_Spaniard_, whither he was going? He replied, into _France_. What to do? +says one of the _Frenchmen_: To seek my Fortune, replies the _Spaniard_: He +was asked again, what Trade he was of? He answered, of no Trade at all: of +late, says he, we _Spaniards_ have been bred to no Trades; but those of us +that are poor, and honest, either beg or borrow; those, that are not, rob +or cheat, as they do in other Countries. How did you live in your own +Country? says one of the _Frenchmen_. Oh! says the _Spaniard_, very well +for a while; I had a great many thousand Pistoles left me by my Ancestors. +What have you done with them? says one of the _Frenchmen_: I put them into +a _Policy_, says the _Spaniard_, where I was to have a great Interest for +them. And what became of that Policy? says one of the _Frenchmen_. The +_Spaniard_ replied, that at first the Interest was paid, and then Things +went merrily enough; but that in a little Time the Body _Politick_ became +_Bankrupt_, and paid neither Principal nor Interest. And did all the +Adventurers lose their Money? says one of the _Frenchmen_. All, replies the +_Spaniard_, except those that were concerned in the Management: and is +Money plenty in _Spain_ now? says one of the _Frenchmen_. Never so scarce, +answers the _Spaniard_; for all Degrees of Men, all Artificers, and +Mechanicks left off their Trades, and put their Effects into this Policy, +that they might live at their Ease; and now they're all ruined; and of all +the immense Sums that were put into this damned Policy, there is not the +hundredth Part to be found, and that is in the Hands of those few that +cheated the rest; but whether it be sunk again into the Bowels of the +Earth, or where it is gone, we cannot tell. At this one of the _French_ Men +smiled, and told the _Spaniard_, he could let him into the Secret; _while +your Nation was in Pursuit of this imaginary Mountain of Gold_, says he, +_and all your People neglected their Employments; we, with such Trumpery as +these, have drawn away the Wealth of your_ Indian _Mines; we sell our Ware +in your Country, and carry your Money back to our own; By which Means we +inrich our own Country, and impoverish yours: Of all the Treasures that +come into_ Spain, _you enjoy only the Name; for while you are busy in +Chimera's, our Industry drains all the Treasure from you; and take this +with you, that_ all Projects must end like the Searches for the +Philosopher's Stone, that is, in Smoke, where the _Interest_ is paid out of +the _Principal Stock_, and is not supported by any industrious _Traffick_. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXIII + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Est genus hominum, qui esse primos se omnium rerum volunt, + Nec sunt:--_ + + Ter. + +Tuesday, _May 3. 1720._ + + +I find by a long Conversation with the World, and from Remarks I have made +on different Times and Sexes, that there is a Desire, or rather an +Ambition, implanted in all humane Creatures of being thought agreeable; but +'tis no unpleasant Study to observe what different Methods are taken of +obtaining this one universal End. The Ladies seem to have laid it up as a +Maxim on their Side, that their Beauty is to be the greatest Merit; for +which Reason no Art, or Industry, is wanting to cultivate that Jewel; and +there is so great an Adoration paid to it by all Mankind, that 'tis no +Wonder they should neglect the Qualifications of the Mind, Things merely +speculative, for those Graces and Ornaments which command Respect, and +whose Dominion is owned as soon as seen. Upon the Foot of this Observation, +some of our Sex, who are of the Order of the _Beau Garcons_, being equal to +the Ladies in their Understandings, employ all their Care and Capacity in +decorating the Outside; and have a Notion that he's the most ingenious Man, +who makes the cleanest Figure, and is best dress'd for the Assembly or +Drawing-Room. Among these pretty Triflers, a good Embroidery on their +Clothes, or a Sword Knot of a new Invention, raises more Emulation than a +Piece of new Wit does among the bad Poets; in their View of Things, a Man +of Sense is a very insignificant Creature; and if, with the _Eclat_ of +their Dress, or Equipage, they can draw the Eyes of the Vulgar, they are in +That arrived at the Top of their Glory; since all they wish for is to be +taken Notice of. + +There is another Order of _fine Gentlemen_ among Us, who study other +Accomplishments than That of Dress, by which they labour to recommend +themselves to Company. The prevailing Artifice of their Conduct is, in +every Stage of Action, to appear Great, and insinuate themselves to be +thought the _Favourites_ only of the _Great_. These nice Oeconomists, being +equipped with one Thread-bare Suit, a _German_ Wig, guilty of few or no +Curls, and happy in a single Change of Linnen, seem to despise all +superfluous Ornaments of Garniture, and have no Time on their Hands, but +what is spent in devising how to get rid, as they would have you suppose, +of a Multitude of Engagements. There is a certain veteran Beau of my +Acquaintance, who is highly caressed upon the Credit of his Intimacy with +Persons of Quality whom he never spoke to; he has a Knot of vain young +Fellows attendant upon him, whom he is to introduce into great Company; and +he has dropt some Hints, as if he would use his Interest to recommend some +of them to Employments at Court. These are, for the most part, young Men +stept into suddain great Fortunes, whose Rank and Conversation being at a +such a Distance from Title, they fancy that Men of Quality are not made of +the same Materials with other Men. This industrious merry old Gentleman has +a peculiar Happiness in telling, and making, a Story; and, in the winding +up or Catastrophe of it, never fails to surprize and please you, therefore +he diverts, as well as amuses his Company. It is to these Talents that he +chiefly owes his Subsistance, for he is very little beholding to Fortune, +or his Family. I am pleased to hear him relate the Adventures, that his +very good Friend King _Charles_ the _Second_ and He have met with together; +the Sword he wears (which, it must be confessed, looks something _antique_) +was given to him on the Day of the Battle at _Worcester_ by that Monarch. +This Weapon being reverenced by the Youths his Followers, one of them +sollicited hard to purchase it. For ten Guineas, and to oblige a Friend, +our Humorist was prevailed upon to part with it. Next Day he purchas'd +exactly such another Peice of Antiquity for _Eighteen Pence_ in _Monmouth_ +Street, and has been so obliging, from Time to Time, to sell at least ten +of these Weapons to young Fellows well affected to the Royal Family, and +all presented to him by the same Monarch with whom he was so conversant. +The Furniture of his Apartment is not very costly, as may be judged by his +Circumstances; a Gentleman visiting him one Morning, sat down upon a Stool, +which being decrepit and crazy, he was apprehensive of a Fall; and +therefore throwing it aside with so much Negligence that its whole Frame +had like to have been dissolved, the old Gentleman begged him to use it +with more Respect, for he valued it above all he was worth beside, it being +made out of a Piece of the _Royal Oak_. His Visitant, who was a Man of +Fortune, immediately had a Desire to be in Possession of such a Treasure: +Over a Bottle he let him know his Inclination, and the good-natur'd old +Gentleman, who could refuse nothing to so dear a Friend, was prevailed upon +to accept of a _Gold Watch_ in Exchange for his _Stool_. It was immediately +sent down to the Mansion-house in the Country, where it is to be seen +finely incased, and is shewn to all Strangers as the most valuable Rarity +of the Family. _Tom Varnish_, who is a Pupil of our old Humourists, is a +good Proficient in his Way of Conversation: Whenever you see him, he's just +come from visiting some great Person of Quality. If a Game at _Hombre_ be +proposed, and you are settling your Way of Play, he says, _We never play it +so at the Dutchess's_. If you ask him to take a Glass of Wine at a Tavern +with you, he is always engaged in a _Parti quarre_; and then he speaks all +the _French_ he is Master of. If he has an Amour, it is with a Woman of +Quality. He sits in the Side Box the first Act of the Play, and stays no +longer, for some Reasons best known to himself. It happened once, that a +Person sat next to him, who, by his Star and Garter, he knew to be of the +first Rank: _Tom_, seeing some of his Acquaintance in the middle Gallery, +thought it would be for his Reputation to be seen to talk with this +Gentleman; therefore, observing when the Eyes of his Acquaintance were upon +him, he drew his Lips near my Lord's Ear, and asked him _what a Clock it +was_; my Lord answered him; then _Tom_ look'd up again, and smiled; and +when he talked with his Friends next, told them, that his Lordship had +informed him of some Changes designed at Court, not yet made publick; and +therefore they must pardon him if he did not communicate. He did not come +off so well upon another Occasion; for having boasted of a great Intimacy +with a certain Foreign Minister, _Tom_ was asked by some Gentlemen to go +one Evening to his Assembly: He willingly accepted the Party, thinking by +their Means to get Admittance: They, on the contrary, expected to be +introduced by him; when they came into his Excellency's House, the Porter, +who had dress'd himself in his great Coat, which was richly laced, and +having a good Wig, well powder'd, was coming down to take his Post; _Tom_ +seeing the Richness of the Habit, fancied it was a Robe worn by Foreigners, +mistook the _Porter_ for the Embassador, and, making several low Bows, +began to address him with, _May it please your Excellency_. The Fellow +answered, Sir, if you'd speak with my Lord, I'll call one of his Gentlemen +to you; this raised a Laugh against him by his Companions, and _Tom_ walked +off defeated in his Vanity, tho' he would fain have laid the Mistake on a +sudden Absence of Thought, and asserted, that he had frequently conversed +with the Ambassador. + +My old Friend, the Humourist, who is liberal of Talk in his Wine, I must +confess, sometimes lets his Vain-Glory bring his Discourse under some +Suspitions; especially, when upon the Strain of his Intimacy with King +_Charles_. He tells how that Prince, seeing him one Morning in the Park, +obliged him to take a Breakfast with him at _Whitehall_: As soon as they +were got into the Lodgings, the King called for _Kate_, meaning the Queen, +made her salute his Friend, and asked her how she could entertain them. The +Queen, he says, seeing a Stranger, made some little Hesitations: But at +last, _My Dear_, says she, _we have nothing but a Rib of cold Beef at +present, for yesterday, you know, was Washing-Day_. In short, he tells this +Story with so much Gravity, that you must either consent to believe it, or +be obliged to fight him, for suspecting the Truth of it. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXIV + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Hic est quem quæris, ille quem requiris_, + Totâ _notus in_ Urbe. + + Mart. + +Saturday, _May 7. 1720._ + + +I have more than once declar'd, that, as I set up for a publick Spirit, and +am for countenancing every Thing which may give either Profit or Delight to +my Countrymen, no Essay, tending to the Improvement of any Art or Science, +shall want my Approbation or Encouragement. This may seem a very +inconsiderable Assistance from a Person, whose Fortune, and Figure in Life, +have not made him Great enough to be a profitable Patron to the Ingenious: +But I have found, in many Instances, that the Approbation of a _grave_ Man, +and such I am esteemed, has some Weight with the _Many_; since, it is +observ'd, that, in Works of Learning, not Half of Mankind judge for +themselves, and of Those who do, we may presume to say, that at least Half +judge amiss. + +It is a trite Observation, but not unserviceable in Life, that _a Man had +as good be out of the World, as out of the Fashion_. This lays me under an +Obligation and Necessity of looking out for every Thing _new_, that starts +into the Publick. The Papers, which are mighty Helps to Intelligence of +this Kind, have been big with advertising the History of the _Life_ and +_Adventures_ of Mr. _Duncan Campbell_: And finding, by the Information of +these Diurnal Oracles, that his Majesty _has received it very graciously_, +I was induced to subscribe for this _remarkable_ Treatise. I must confess, +I think it a Work of immense Erudition, full of curious Disquisitions into +speculative Philosophy, comprehending a large Fund of Philological +Learning, and furnished with some Remarks, that have escaped the Pens of +former Authors, who have writ in any Faculty whatsoever. + +Man's Life is so short, it has been the settled Opinion of the Wise, that +this Prosecution of any single Subject would be sufficient to take up all +his Time. For this Reason, and especially in the Summer Season, when I make +shift to retire from this Metropolis of Noise and Business, I contract my +Speculations and Studies under one Head. To this End my great Care is, to +collect a small Parcel of useful Books, that may all contribute to one and +the same Purpose. As my Pleasure lies chiefly in searching after Truth, and +Authors, whose Aim is to inform the Mind, or reform the Morals, I have +determined carefully to peruse once more these _Memoirs_, relating to the +celebrated Mr. _Campbell_. They are penn'd with a particular Air of +Sincerity, and such a strict Regard to Truth and Matter of Fact, that they +seem a Copy, in this Point, from _Lucian's true History_. I have therefore, +to satisfy my Readers of the Judgment which I make of Books, concluded to +accompany my Reflections over this Author, with reading, at proper +Intervals, the Surprizing Adventures of _Robinson Crusoe_, the Travels of +_Aaron Hill_ Esq., into _Turkey_, the History of the _Empires_ in the _Sun_ +and _Moon Worlds_, _Psalmonaazar's_ History of the Island of _Formosa_, +and, that great Promoter of Christien Piety, the _Tale of a Tub_. + +As I have taken upon me to animadvert upon this Treatise, containing the +Adventures and profound Skill of Mr. _Campbell_, I shall continue to do it +with the Impartiality of a true Critick. I have allowed the Author's +Excellencies, and am therefore at Liberty to observe upon his Errors. He +tells us, that _Lapland_ receives its Name from the _Finland_ Word _Lapp_, +that is _Exiles_, and from the _Swedish_ Word _Lap_, signifying _Banished_. +I am very loath my Countrymen should be deceived in such Matters of +Language: And therefore I think my self obliged to let them know, that this +Region derives its Name from the _Lappi_ or _Lappones_, the original +Inhabitants of it, who were People of a rude and blockish Behaviour: The +Word _Lappon_, being equivalent to _barbarous_, and _ignorant_, without the +Knowledge of _Arts_ or _Letters_: And hence it comes, that this Clime has +been ever so proper for the Reception of _Witches_, and Propagation of the +_Conjuring_ Trade. + +There is likewise one Circumstance, that, I own, a little shocks my Belief, +in Relation to a young Lady, who, he says, was _bewitch'd_: nor do I think +told it with that clean Regard to the Lady's Character, which Occurrences +of this Nature require. He says, she was in as bad a Condition, as He who +was possessed with a _whole Legion of Devils_: (An Account, which must of +course alarm her Lovers, and may, possibly, prevent her of good Match.) +When he has related the miraculous Cure made upon Her, by Mr. _Campbell's_ +taking her up into his _Bed-chamber_, he adds, that she stood upright, +drank a Glass of Wine, and evacuated a great deal of Wind. This Charge of +Immodesty upon a young Lady unmarried, is what I can by no Means allow: nor +does the _uncleanly_ Term become the Pen of a _chast_ and _polite_ Writer. +But the Lady shall be vindicated from this Aspersion; for if you consult +all Authors, both Ancient and Modern, no _Virgin_ was ever thought capable +of such an _Indecency_. Nor can I forbear condemning his Want of Judgment, +in refering you to the Lady for the Truth of this: since it is putting his +Reputation upon a Circumstance, which is not consistent with her Modesty to +admit. + +There is another Passage in his Book of singular Mystery: he is pleased to +observe that Things are sometimes foretold by _smelling_, and That by +Persons who are endued with a _Second-Sight_. This smelling of Futurity +would be of notable Use to Statesmen: which brings to my Mind, that +somewhere in an Old Play, the Politician cries, _I smell a Plot_. The +Vulgar too have an Expression, when they speak of a Man they don't like, of +_smelling the Rogue_, and _smelling him out_. These Phrases, no doubt, had +their Original from this Kind of Prediction; and the terms remain, tho' the +Gift be in great Part lost among Men. If this Gentleman could again teach +the Learned to arrive at it, it would be attended with its Inconveniences, +as well as Benefits; for we should have our _Politicians_ running their +Noses into every private Circumstance of Life, and a _Set of State Beagles_ +ever upon the Scent for new Treasons and Conspiracies: on the contrary, +this Advantage might be derived, that an Invasion, which was never +intended, seen, or heard of, might be _smelt out_ by their _unerring +Sagacity_. + +Our Author proceeds to observe that Children, _Horses_, and _Cows_, have +the _Second Sight_ as well as Men and Women; yet at the same Time takes no +Notice of _Hogs_, whom a great Part of the World have allowed to be gifted +with Second Sight, and to be able to foretel Storms, and _windy Weather_. +This appears to me like Prejudice, and does not consist with the Candour of +an unbias'd Author: it looks as if he were carried away with the Humour of +his Country, who are observed to be no Favourers of _Pork_, and therefore +will allow _Hogs_ no Share in _Divination_. + +Indeed, but that I am afraid of being suspected of too much Learning, or +that I would invalidate the Testimonies of this Author, I should be bold to +say, that no Part of the _Brute_ Creation have the Benefit of _Second +Sight_: and that they have neither Organs, nor Reason, to discern, or +distinguish Phantoms, from material Bodies: and therefore the old _Rabins_ +very subtly conjectured, that the _Ass_, which carried _Balaam_, was not a +real Ass, but the _Devil in Disguise_, and subject to the _Magical_ Power +of the _Prophet_. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXV + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _When the Married shall marry, + Then the Jealous will be sorry; + And tho' Fools will be talking, + To keep their Tongues walking, + No Man runs well, I find, + But with's Elbows behind._ + + Nostrad. _in_ Quev. + +Tuesday, _May 10. 1720._ + + +Upon the Perusal of my Motto, I believe my Readers will be puzzled to +comprehend what it is I aim at: It seems to be a perfect Riddle, and if you +read it backward like a _Witches_ Prayer, it will be as easily understood. +Yet let no Man condemn it for that trifling Objection, that he does not +understand it: for, I can assure the World, that it is an old _Prophecy_, +which comprehends many Secrets of Destiny, Stars, and Fate. Tho' the +Vulgar, whose Eyes are shut against these Mysteries, may endeavour to +explode all _Divination_; yet when the Prophecy comes to be fulfilled, they +will confess their own Ignorance, and give an implicit Belief to such +_Revelations_, as are delivered to the Publick by those wise Men, who by +their Art pry into the Cabinet of Futurity, and make to themselves +_Spectacles_ of the _Planets_, by which they are enabled to read the +darkest Page in the Book of _Doomesday_. + +Having, in my last, given some Account of my intended Summer Library, it +cannot appear strange, if I should already have anticipated a Part of my +Pleasure, and dipped into some of the promising Authors I mentioned. The +witty _Quevedo_, in one of his visionary Prospects of Hell, fancies, he +sees an _Astrologer_ creeping upon all Four; with a pair of Compasses +betwixt his Teeth; his Spheres, and Globes about him; his _Jacob's_ Staff +before him; and his Eyes fixed upon the Stars, as if he were taking a +Height, or making an Observation. The Student, after gazing awhile, started +up of a sudden, and wringing his Hands, _Good Lord_! says he, _what an +unlucky Dog was I! If I had come into the World but one_ Half Quarter _of +an_ Hour _sooner, I had beene saved: for just then_ Saturn _shifted, and_ +Mars _was lodged in the_ House of Life. Another Proficient in the same +Art, who was very loth to go to Hell before his Time, had his Tormentors be +sure he was dead: _for_, says he, _I am a little doubtful of it my self; in +Regard that I had_ Jupiter _for my_ Ascendant, _and_ Venus _in the_ House +of Life, _and no_ malevolent Aspect _to cross me. So that by the Rules of_ +Astrology, _I was to live, precisely_, a Hundred and one Years, two Months, +six Days, four Hours, and three Minutes. + +It is plain from such Instances, and many more of equal Demonstration, had +I Leisure to collect them, that the Stars dispose of us as they please, and +have an Influence on every Action of our Lives. They are particularly busy +in the Affairs of Women, and She that, by a too great Love of Society, has +been kind to others besides her own Husband, might have been an Example of +Discretion and Modesty, had she been born a Minute sooner, or later, and +had a more _continent_ Planet for her _Ascendent_. I hope, this will be +sufficient to vindicate the Science from all Suspicions of Imposture. I can +assure my Readers, that I my self saw a _Prophecy_ about _two_ Months +_after_ the Battle of _Hockstadt_, which exactly described that great Event +in all its Circumstances. The same Prophecy foretold, that in seven Years +_Lewis_ the _Fourteenth_ should not have Ground enough to make him a Grave; +and tho' this did not exactly come to pass, it cannot be imputed to the +_Ignorance_ of the Astrologer, but to those _Counsels_ and _Events_ which +would not suffer the Prophecy to take Place. + +I am my self a considerable Proficient in this Study, and have told several +Things that have greatly surprized the Hearers. I am consulted chiefly by +the Ladies, who come to my Lodgings by _Two's_ and by _Three's_; and it is +pleasant to hear them titter, and laugh among themselves, before they +venture to knock at my Door. The young Things come in blushing, and express +all the Fears and Confusions natural to Youth and Innocence: Immediately I +examine them: One tells me, she desires to know _when she shall be +married_; another is as importunate to learn _when she shall be a Widow_: I +interrupt them, by telling one, I know that _she_ is a _married Woman_; and +the other, that _she_ shall soon be _married_. I proceed to ask them +several Questions, which they are very ingenious in answering: And then I +tell them a hundred Things, every one of which they knew to a Tittle +before-hand. The Result is, that they go away frighted and amazed at my +profound Skill; and I often over-hear them saying, that _He certainly must +deal with the Devil, or he could not have told us such and such +Circumstances_. + +But the Excellency of my Skill consists in giving an Account of things +lost: I would not have the Reader suppose that I descend to the trifling +Study of consulting Fate, about _who_ stole a _Spoon_, or _what_ became of +a straggling _Thimble_, Things of which the Stars take no Cognizance. These +Toys I leave to the Six-penny _Philomaths_ of _Moorfields_, and the +_Astrologers_ of _Grub-street_: My Enquiries are a little more sublime. I +account for Things which some lose, and no other finds; of this Nature are +the _Maidenheads_ of _Women_, and the _Honour_ of _Great Men_. They, who +are short-sighted in the Sciences, cannot see they fly up to the _Moon_, +from whence they never return, as the learned _Ariosta_ discovered before +me: And therefore it is an Absurdity in our Language, and ought to be +corrected, when we say of Things which we cannot account for, _I know no +more than the_ Man _in the_ Moon. + +Astrology consists of many Branches, which the Learned, who have travelled +thro' the Spheres, very well know; and every Proficient takes the Road +which he likes best. A Student, now living, has made great Discoveries +concerning the Duration of this _Earthly Globe_; and tho' by his Art he +found out, it could not last above _Ten_ Years, yet being a good +Protestant, and to shew his great Trust in Government Securities, he +purchased an Annuity for _Ninety and Nine_ Years, and, 'tis thought, means +to leave the _Reversion_ of it to the Poor till _Doomesday_. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXVI. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _--Jam nunc debentia dici + Pleraq; differat, & præsens in tempus omittat._ + + Hor. + +Saturday, _May 14. 1720._ + + +My first Entertainment in a Morning is to throw my Eyes over the Papers of +the Day, by which I am informed, with very little Trouble, how Things are +carried in the great World. I look upon the printed News to be the +Histories of the Times, in which the candid and ingenious Authors, out of a +strict Regard to Truth, deliver Facts in such ambiguous Terms, that when +you read of a Battle betwixt Count _Mercy_, and the Marquis _De Lede_, you +may give the Victory to that Side, which your private Inclination most +favours. I have seen in one Paragraph the precise number of the _kill'd_ +and _wounded_ adjusted; and in the next, the Author seems doubtful in his +Opinion, whether there has been any Battle fought. In Domestick Affairs, +our Writers are somewhat more bold in their Intelligence; and relate Things +with a greater Air of Certainty, when they lie most under the Suspition of +delivering false History. Thus it happens, that I have seen a great Fortune +_married_ in the _Evening Post_ two Years after her _Death_; and a Man of +Quality has had an _Heir laid to him_, before he himself, or the Town, ever +knew that he was married. Thus they _kill_ and _marry_ whom they please, +knowing well, that every Circumstance, whether true, or false, serves to +fill up a _Paragraph_. + +As nothing can effect the Safety, and Welfare of the People, so much as the +_Resolutions_ of our _House_ of _Commons_, I read over the _Votes_ with a +diligent Concern. 'Tis there that every Man aggrieved is to find Redress; +from their Proceedings is it, that Peace abroad, or Unity at home, must be +expected: and should they be byass'd, or deceived, their Error must involve +Millions in Misfortunes. _Horace's_ Observation has ever prevailed, and +will continue to do so, while this is a World. _Delirant Reges, plectuntur +Achivi._ + +I read a Resolution of that Honourable House lately, which gave me no +little satisfaction, and which I had long expected from their Wisdom: viz. +that all Methods of raising Money by _Voluntary Subscriptions_ are +prejudicial to _Trade_. This is a Truth which every Man in Trade has +already felt; and yet, tis amazing to observe how little Effect it has had +upon the Publick. Whereas by this Resolution it should have been expected, +that such prejudicial Subscriptions were worth nothing, the Price of these +_Bubbles_ immediately rose, and their Reputation and Number of Subscribers +encreased in a greater Proportion, than before they were under any Censure +from the State: It is hard to account for this Paradox: either the +Authority of Parliament has become a Jest, or we are under the strongest +Infatuation that these Kingdoms ever felt. + +I am unwilling to publish the Reasons, which an intelligent Person gave me, +for such Consequences: Because it would not do Honour to certain Persons, +by whose Interest it is expected, that _Charters_ are to be obtain'd. As to +the Great _Bubble_, which as open'd a Subscription, where every Man is to +pay _five_ Times the Value of what he purchases, a Gentleman, who is very +conversant in Trade, informs me, that the Foreigners, who have Original +Stocks to a very great Value, have already sent Commissions to have it all +sold, when it comes to this extravagant Price. By this Means, they will +have Opportunities of draining the Nation of its current Coin. I suppose, +it will be answer'd, that the _Exportation_ of _Coin_ is provided against +by _Statutes_; it is granted; and so is the Exportation of _Wooll_: Yet we +are all sensible, the Law is transgress'd every Day in this Point: And it +must be allowed, that Money may be as easily _smuggled_ as any Commodity +whatsoever. The Consequence of this will be, that a Circulation of _Paper_ +must be set on Foot to supply the Want of _ready Money_: And then, as I +have read in a very witty Author, _a_ Crown-Piece _will be shewn about as +an_ Elephant, _and_ Guineas _will be stiled of_ Blessed Memory. + +Without being deeply learned in Trade, this appears to me a natural +Consequence: Yet, notwithstanding all that can be said, I find the giddy +Multitude resolute to forsake the profitable Paths of Industry, to grasp +only at _Bubbles_ and _Shadows_. This calls to my Mind the Fable of +_Jupiter_ and the _Old Woman_. The indulgent God gave the Woman a _Hen_, +which laid a _Golden Egg_ every Day: She, not content with this slow Way of +growing rich, and being curs'd with a foolish Avarice, thought a Mine of +Golden Eggs must be lodged in the Hen's Belly: But, killing the Bird, she +found only common Entrails, and lost at once the _expected Treasure_, and +the Advantage which she reaped before, by its laying every Day. + +But it is Time to have done with these Discourses; the World is obstinate +in the Pursuit of Follies, and not to be reclaimed either by the Authority +of Parliaments, or good Sense: It is not so much the Consideration of this, +as the Season being so far advanced, which now induces me to lay down my +Pen. My Thoughts and Desires, I must own, are turn'd to Solitude and rural +Pleasures. The Man, who desires to have his Body in Health, should rise +from Table with some Remains of Appetite, and not be covetous of gorging to +Satiety: So a Writer, who would not wish to surfeit the Town, should submit +to give over Writing, before they begin to think he has harass'd them too +long. + +The gay Part of the World are every Day retreating from the Field of +Business; and going with their Families into Summer Quarters. I look upon +my self in the State of a _Roman_ General, who has made a vigorous and +successful Campaign, and is now returning Home to take his _Triumph_. I am +retiring to the Village, in which my Family for some Ages have made no +inconsiderable Figure, and know I shall be received not with the single +Respect due to my Name and Quality, but as the Person who ingaged the late +memorable Sir _John Edgar_. If Health and Fortune permit, next Season, I +shall again propagate my Character in the Town; in the mean Time, to make +my self the more conspicuous, I have ordered my _Lucubrations_ to be +printed in a _small_ Volumn, and to have one of the Books sent down after +me, which shall be chained in my Library, and go along with the +_Mansion-House_ from Generation to Generation, as a lasting Monument in +Honour of the Name and Erudition of Sir _John Falstaffe_. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY + +ANNOUNCES ITS + +Publications for the Third Year (1948-1949) + +At least two items will be printed from each of the three following +groups: + +Series IV: Men, Manners, and Critics + Sir John Falstaff (pseud.), _The Theatre_ (1720). + Aaron Hill, Preface to _The Creation_; and + Thomas Brereton, Preface to _Esther_. + Ned Ward, Selected Tracts. + +Series V: Drama + Edward Moore, _The Gamester_ (1753). + Nevil Payne, _Fatal Jealousy_ (1673). + Mrs. Centlivre, _The Busie Body_ (1709). + Charles Macklin, _Man of the World_ (1781). + +Series VI: Poetry and Language + John Oldmixon, _Reflections on Dr. Swift's Letter to + Harley_ (1712); and Arthur Mainwaring, _The British + Academy_ (1712). + Pierre Nicole, _De Epigrammate._ + Andre Dacier, Essay on Lyric Poetry. + +Issues will appear, as usual, in May, July, September, November, January, +and March. In spite of rising costs, membership fees will be kept at the +present annual rate of $2.50 in the United States and Canada; $2.75 in +Great Britain and the continent. British and continental subscriptions +should be sent to B.H. Blackwell, Broad Street, Oxford, England. American +and Canadian subscriptions may be sent to any one of the General Editors. + +|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| +| TO THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY: | +| | +| } the third year | +| I enclose the membership fee for } the second and third year | +| } the first, second, and third year| +| | +| NAME__________________________________________________________________ | +| ADDRESS_______________________________________________________________ | +| ______________________________________________________________________ | +| ______________________________________________________________________ | +| | +|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| + +NOTE: All income received by the Society is devoted to defraying cost of +printing and mailing. + + + + +THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY + +MAKES AVAILABLE + +Inexpensive Reprints of Rare Materials + +FROM + +ENGLISH LITERATURE OF THE SEVENTEENTH AND EIGHTEENTH CENTURIES + +Students, scholars, and bibliographers of literature, history, and +philology will find the publications valuable. _The Johnsonian News Letter_ +has said of them: "Excellent facsimiles, and cheap in price, these +represent the triumph of modern scientific reproduction. Be sure to become +a subscriber; and take it upon yourself to see that your college library is +on the mailing list." + +The Augustan Reprint Society is a non-profit, scholarly organization, run +without overhead expense. By careful management it is able to offer at +least six publications each year at the unusually low membership fee of +$2.50 per year in the United States and Canada, and $2.75 in Great Britain +and the continent. + +Libraries as well as individuals are eligible for membership. Since the +publications are issued without profit, however, no discount can be allowed +to libraries, agents, or booksellers. + +New members may still obtain a complete run of the first year's +publications for $2.50, the annual membership fee. + +During the first two years the publications are issued in three series: I. +Essays on Wit; II. Essays on Poetry and Language; and III. Essays on the +Stage. + + + + +PUBLICATIONS FOR THE FIRST YEAR (1946-1947) + +MAY, 1946: Series I, No. 1--Richard Blackmore's _Essay upon Wit_ (1716), +and Addison's _Freeholder_ No. 45 (1716). + +JULY, 1946: Series II, No. 1--Samuel Cobb's _Of Poetry and Discourse on +Criticism_ (1707). + +SEPT., 1946: Series III, No. 1--Anon., _Letter to A.H. Esq.; concerning the +Stage_ (1698), and Richard Willis' _Occasional Paper_ No. IX (1698). + +NOV., 1946: Series I, No. 2--Anon., _Essay on Wit_ (1748), together with +Characters by Flecknoe, and Joseph Warton's _Adventurer_ Nos. 127 and 133. + +JAN., 1947: Series II, No. 2--Samuel Wesley's _Epistle to a Friend +Concerning Poetry_ (1700) and _Essay on Heroic Poetry_ (1693). + +MARCH, 1947: Series III, No. 2--Anon., _Representation of the Impiety and +Immorality of the Stage_ (1704) and anon., _Some Thoughts Concerning the +Stage_ (1704). + + +PUBLICATIONS FOR THE SECOND YEAR (1947-1948) + +MAY, 1947: Series I, No. 3--John Gay's _The Present State of Wit_; and a +section on Wit from _The English Theophrastus_. With an Introduction by +Donald Bond. + +JULY, 1947: Series II, No. 3--Rapin's _De Carmine Pastorali_, translated by +Creech. With an Introduction by J.E. Congleton. + +SEPT., 1947: Series III, No. 3--T. Hanmer's (?) _Some Remarks on the +Tragedy of Hamlet_. With an Introduction by Clarence D. Thorpe. + +NOV., 1947: Series I, No. 4--Corbyn Morris' _Essay towards Fixing the True +Standards of Wit_, etc. With an Introduction by James L. Clifford. + +JAN., 1948: Series II, No. 4--Thomas Purney's _Discourse on the Pastoral_. +With an Introduction by Earl Wasserman. + +MARCH, 1948: Series III, No. 4--Essays on the Stage, selected, with an +Introduction by Joseph Wood Krutch. + + +The list of publications is subject to modification in response to +requests by members. From time to time Bibliographical Notes will be +included in the issues. Each issue contains an Introduction by a scholar of +special competence in the field represented. + +The Augustan Reprints are available only to members. They will never be +offered at "remainder" prices. + + +GENERAL EDITORS + +RICHARD C. BOYS, University of Michigan +EDWARD NILES HOOKER, University of California, Los Angeles +H.T. SWEDENBERG, JR., University of California, Los Angeles + + +ADVISORY EDITORS + +EMMETT L. AVERY, State College of Washington +LOUIS I. BREDVOLD, University of Michigan +BENJAMIN BOYCE, University of Nebraska +CLEANTH BROOKS, Louisiana State University +JAMES L. CLIFFORD, Columbia University +ARTHUR FRIEDMAN, University of Chicago +SAMUEL H. MONK, University of Minnesota +JAMES SUTHERLAND, Queen Mary College, London + + +Address communications to any of the General Editors. Applications for +membership, together with membership fee, should be sent to + +THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY +310 ROYCE HALL, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA +LOS ANGELES 24, CALIFORNIA + +or + +Care of PROFESSOR RICHARD C. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: The Theater (1720) + + +Author: Sir John Falstaffe + +Release Date: June 7, 2005 [eBook #15999] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE THEATER (1720)*** + + +E-text prepared by David Starner, Linda Cantoni, and the Project Gutenberg +Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net) + + + +The Augustan Reprint Society, Series Four: No. 1, May, 1948 + +THE THEATRE + +SIR JOHN FALSTAFFE + +1720 + +With an Introduction by John Loftis + + + + + + +GENERAL EDITORS + +RICHARD C. BOYS, University of Michigan +EDWARD NILES HOOKER, University of California, Los Angeles +H.T. SWEDENBERG, JR., University of California, Los Angeles + + +ASSISTANT EDITOR + +W. EARL BRITTON, University of Michigan + + +ADVISORY EDITORS + +EMMETT L. AVERY, State College of Washington +BENJAMIN BOYCE, University of Nebraska +LOUIS I. BREDVOLD, University of Michigan +CLEANTH BROOKS, Yale University +JAMES L. CLIFFORD, Columbia University +ARTHUR FRIEDMAN, University of Chicago +SAMUEL H. MONK, University of Minnesota +ERNEST MOSSNER, University of Texas +JAMES SUTHERLAND, Queen Mary College, London + + +Lithoprinted from copy supplied by author + +by + +Edwards Brothers, Inc. + +Ann Arbor, Michigan, U.S.A. + +1948 + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +_The Theatre_, by "Sir John Falstaffe", is according to its author a +continuation of Richard Steele's periodical of the same name. Shortly after +Steele brought his paper to a close on April 5, 1720, the anonymous author +who called himself "Falstaffe" appropriated his title; or if we prefer +Falstaffe's own account of the matter, he was bequeathed the title upon the +decease of Steele's "Sir John Edgar". At any rate, the new series of +_Theatres_ was begun on April 9, 1720, and continued to appear twice a week +for eleven numbers until May 14. On Tuesdays and Saturdays Falstaffe +entertained the town with a pleasant essay in the tradition established by +_The Tatler_. + +But the paper of April 9, the first of the new _Theatres_, was only +nominally the first of a series; Falstaffe, who numbered the paper +"sixteen", had already written fifteen papers called _The Anti-Theatre_ in +answer to Steele's _Theatre_. The demise of Steele's periodical merely +afforded him an opportunity of changing his title; his naturally became +inappropriate when Steele's paper was discontinued and the shorter title +was probably thought to be more attractive to readers. Falstaffe made no +attempt to pass his papers off as the work of his famous rival, to gain +popularity for them through the reputation of Steele. Indeed, the +antagonism which existed between the two men would have made such an act of +deception an unlikely one. + +Steele's _The Theatre_, his last periodical, had been written for a +controversial purpose; by his own admission he wrote it to arouse support +for himself in a dispute in which he was engaged with the Lord Chamberlain, +the Duke of Newcastle. Steele, who by the authority of a Royal Patent was +governor of the Company of Comedians acting in Drury Lane, insisted that +his authority in the theatre was not respected by the Lord Chamberlain, the +officer of the Royal Household traditionally charged with supervision of +theatrical matters. Newcastle intervened in the internal affairs of Drury +Lane and, when Steele protested, expelled him from the theatre. Steele +could do nothing but submit, though he retaliated with a series of bitter +attacks on the Duke in _The Theatre_. + +Newcastle found defenders, of whom one of the strongest was Falstaffe, who +wrote in direct opposition to Steele's "Sir John Edgar", openly attempting +to provoke that knight to a journalistic contest. But Edgar gave scant +attention to his essays, though they were vigorously written and presented +strong arguments in defense of the Lord Chamberlain's intervention in Drury +Lane affairs. Steele acknowledged the first number of _The Anti-Theatre_ +(it appeared on February 15, 1720) in the fourteenth number of his own +paper, praising Falstaffe for his promise not to "intrude upon the private +concerns of life" in the debate which was to follow, but thereafter he all +but ignored his new rival. With the exception of a brief allusion in _The +Theatre_, No. 17 (an allusion which Falstaffe was quick to take up), Steele +made no more references to the other periodical. For a time Falstaffe +continued to answer the arguments Steele advanced in protest against the +Lord Chamberlain's action, but finding that he was unable to provoke a +response, he gave up the debate. After his ninth number of March 14, he had +little more to say about Steele or Drury Lane. + +Falstaffe, however, did not stop writing when he ceased defending +Newcastle's action. _The Anti-Theatre_ continued to come out twice a week +until the fifteenth number appeared on Monday, April 4. And in that paper +there was no indication that the periodical was to end or was to be changed +in any way. But on the day after, April 5, Steele issued _The Theatre_, No. +28, signed with his own name, which he announced would be the last in the +series. As no more _Anti-Theatres_ were known to have appeared after the +fifteenth, it has generally been assumed (though as we now know, +erroneously) that Falstaffe took his cue from Edgar and abandoned his own +series. + +But there has long been some reason to believe that Falstaffe did not cease +writing completely after the fifteenth _Anti-Theatre_. Though nothing was +known of his later work, a newspaper advertisement of his _The Theatre_ was +noted. But lacking any more definite information, scholars have doubted +the existence of the periodical. A volume in the Folger Shakespeare +Library, however, removes the doubt. There, bound with a complete set of +the original _Theatre_ by Sir John Edgar, are the ten numbers of the later +_Theatre_ which are reproduced here. These papers include the entire run of +Falstaffe's "continuation" with the exception of one number, the +nineteenth, which has apparently been lost. So far as is known, the copies +in the Folger are unique. + +The continuation of _The Theatre_ bears little trace of the controversial +bitterness present in Steele's paper of that name or in some of the early +numbers of _The Anti-Theatre_. Except in the mock will in No. 16, there is +no reference to Steele's dispute with Newcastle in the entire series. Nor, +in spite of the title, is there any discussion of theatrical matters. As a +source of information about the stage, it is virtually without value. But +if it be accepted as merely another of the gracefully written series of +literary essays which were so abundant in the early eighteenth century, its +value and charm are apparent. The unidentified author was an accomplished +scholar, and he wrote on a variety of subjects which have not lost their +appeal. The interest aroused by the essays is perhaps inseparable from our +historical interest in the life and manners of the time, but it is none the +less genuine. Perhaps nowhere more than in the personal essays about +subjects of contemporary importance--of which these are examples--is there +a more pleasing record of the social and intellectual life of a period. + +Of the ten essays reproduced here, probably the first (No. 16) is the only +one which contains allusions which will not be generally understood by +scholars. In this paper, in the account of the death of Sir John Edgar and +in the transcript of Edgar's will, there are references to Steele's dispute +with Newcastle over the control of Drury Lane Theatre. Falstaffe +facetiously recalls several points which were debated in the journalistic +war provoked by Steele's loss of his governorship, but in themselves the +points are of too little significance to merit explanation. + +The several allusions to the South Sea Bubble in these essays will be +easily recognized. In Nos. 21, 22, and 26, Falstaffe considers the +absurdities engendered by the Bubble (as he had previously in _The +Anti-Theatre_, Nos. 10, 11, 12, and 14), exhibiting a healthy distrust of +the fever of stock-jobbing then at its height. Though less extreme than +Steele in his criticism of the South Sea Company, Falstaffe shows himself +to have understood several months in advance of the crash the fundamental +unsoundness of the wave of speculation produced by the company's policies. + +The essay on duelling (No. 17) was probably suggested to Falstaffe by a +bill then pending in Parliament to make the practice unlawful. No other of +his essays resembles more closely those of his predecessor, Steele, who +during a lifetime of writing carried on a personal campaign to arouse +opposition to duelling. In Steele's own _Theatre_, there are two essays +devoted to the subject (Nos. 19 and 26). + +One of the most interesting of Falstaffe's papers is his twenty-fourth: his +discussion of the recently published memoirs of the deaf and dumb +fortuneteller, Duncan Campbell, memoirs which we know to have been written +by Daniel Defoe. And from Falstaffe's conspicuous reference to _Robinson +Crusoe_ in the paper, it seems evident that he also knew the identity of +the author. What we have then is, in effect, a contemporary review of +Defoe's book. Maintaining an air of seriousness, Falstaffe examines the +extravagant assertions made so confidently by Defoe, ironically suggesting +the implausibility and absurdity of some of them. Falstaffe's +matter-of-fact comments are well adapted to exposing the incredibility of +the similarly matter-of-fact narrative of Defoe. + +Who Sir John Falstaffe was we do not know. No clue to his identity has been +discovered. But from the essays themselves we learn something of his tastes +and predilections. A strong interest in classical antiquity is apparent in +numerous allusions to ancient history and mythology, allusions particularly +plentiful in _The Anti-Theatre_; an intelligent reverence for the writings +of Shakespeare may be observed in a series of admiring references; and +from his repeated remarks about Spain and Spanish literature, both in _The +Anti-Theatre_ and in _The Theatre_, we may probably conclude that he had +some special knowledge of that country and its literature. But all of this +can be but speculation. We know nothing positively about Falstaffe except +that he wrote a series of engaging essays. + +Falstaffe's _Theatre_ is reproduced, with permission, from the papers in +the Folger Shakespeare Library. + +John Loftis +Princeton University + + + + +Numb. XVI + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _I am Myself, but call me What you please._ + + South. in Oroon. + +Saturday, _April 9. 1720._ + + +Men, that like myself, set up for being Wits, and dictating to the World in +a censorial Way, should like Oracles endeavour to be barely heard, but +never have it distinguish'd from whence the Voice comes. _Faith_ and +_Reputation_ have ever been built on _Doubt_ and _Mystery_, and sometimes +the Art of being _unintelligible_ does not a little advance the Credit of a +Writer. There are many Reasons why we, who take upon Us the Task of Diurnal +or Weekly Lucubrations, should be like the River _Nilus_, sending abroad +fertile Streams to every Quarter, and still keeping our Heads undiscover'd. +But why should I be compell'd to give Reasons for every thing? _Were +Reasons as plenty as Blackberries_, as my worthy Ancestor was wont to say, +_I would not give a Reason upon Compulsion_. + +I have confess'd to the World I am a _Knight_ (nor am I asham'd to own it, +tho' 'tis a Condescension as Knighthood goes;) and my Name is _John +Falstaffe_; must they have too a Tree of my Pedigree, and a Direction to my +Lodgings? 'Tis ill-Manners to pluck the Masque off, when we would not be +known: besides that, Curiosity has lost Men many a Blessing, and plung'd +the Discoverers into signal Calamities; as witness _Oedipus_, and the +Oracle, _Lot's_ Wife, _Orpheus_ and _Eurydice_, and several other _true_ +and _ancient_ Histories, which I have something else to do than think of at +present. + +It was an Opinion growing apace in the Town, that Sir _John Edgar_ and I +were one and the same Man: but from what Tract or Circumstance this Notion +sprung, I can neither learn nor guess. I mounted the Stage as the +Adversary, and he accepted my Challenge: upon which I attack'd him with +such Weapons as Men of Learning commonly use against one another, yet he +declin'd the Combat. I was by This in Generosity compell'd to desist from +pursuing him, yet every now and then I took upon me to reprimand him, when +I observ'd him too free in the Use of certain Figures in Rhetorick, which +are the common Dialect of a Part of the Town famous for _good Fish_ and +_Female Orators_. Thus he continued his Course of Writing, sometimes very +obscure, sometimes too plain: according as either Vapours, or Spleen, or +Love, or Resentment, or _French_ Wine predominated; which I, by my Skill in +Natural Philosophy observing, thought it advisable to leave him to himself, +till the Court of Chancery should appoint him a proper Guardian. I cannot +deny, but that we shook Hands behind the Curtain, and have been very good +Friends for these eight Papers last, have been merry without any Gall, he +regarding me as a Gentleman Philosopher, and I looking upon him as an +inoffensive Humorist. + +I confess that it contributes much to my Peace of Soul, that we were +reconcil'd before his Departure from this Stage of Business and of Life. +The Reader will hereby understand that Sir _John_ is dead: It is for this +Reason that I appear in his Dress, that I assume his _Habit de Guerre_, for +Sir John chose me, from among all Men living, to be his sole Executor. The +Printer had no _black Letter_ by him, otherwise this Paper (as in Decency +it ought) should have appear'd in Mourning: however I shall use as much +Ceremony as the Time will allow; and, as _Hob_ did in the Farce by the Man +that hang'd himself, _I take up his Cloak, and am chief Mourner_. + +We never can do the Memory of a Great Man more Justice, than by being +particular in his Conduct and Behaviour at the Point of Death. Sir _John_, +tho' a Wit, took no Pains to shew it at his latest Hour, that is, he did +not dye like one of those _prophane_ Wits, who bid the Curtains be drawn, +and said _the Farce of Life was ended_. This is making our Warfare too +slight and ludicrous: He departed with more Grace, and, like the memorable +Type of his Prudence, _Don Quixote de la Mancha_, where he perceiv'd his +Sand was running out, he repented the Extravagance of his +_Knight-Errantry_, and ingenuously confess'd his _Family Name_. He seem'd +entirely dispos'd to dye in his Wits, and no doubt, did so: tho' by +Intervals, 'tis thought he was a little delirious, talk'd of taking Coach +to _Fishmongers_ Hall, broke into imperfect Sentences about _Annuities_ and +_South-Sea_, and mutter'd something to himself of making Dividends of _Ten +per Cent_ at least _six times a Year_. + +If Sir _John_ appear'd by all the Actions of his Life a Friend to Mankind, +he certainly did so in a great Measure at his Death, by the charitable +Disposition of what he died possess'd. I have given an Abridgment of his +Will, that the World may see he left his Legacies only where they were +truly wanted: Neither Favour nor Prejudice had any Influence over him in +his last Minutes, but he had nothing more at Heart than the Necessities of +his Legatees. + +'_In Nomini Domini_, Amen. I _John Edgar_, &c. _Knight_, being sound in +Body, but imperfect of Mind and Memory, do make this my last Will, &c. + +'_Item_, As to such personal Estate which I have the good Fortune to leave +behind me, I give and dispose thereof, as follows: And, best, I give and +bequeath all and singular my _Projects_ to the Society of _Stockjobbers_, +Share and Share alike, because I am sure they will be never the better for +them. + +'_Item_, I give and bequeath all my Right, Property and Share in the +_transparent Bee-hive_ to my indulgent Friend and Patron, his Grace the +Duke of ----, because he has taken such a particular Fancy to it. + +'_Item_, I give and bequeath the full _Profit_ of all those _Plays_ which I +have _Intentions of writing_, if it shall happen that I live to the Poor of +the Parish in which I shall dye: desiring it may be distributed by my +Executor, and _not come into the Hands of the_ Church-wardens. + +'_Item_, I give and bequeath my _Goosequilt_, with which I demolish'd +_Dunkirk_, to such Person as shall appear most strenuous for the Delivery +of _Port Mahon_ and _Gibraltar_ to the _Spaniards_. + +'And as to such _Qualifications_ wherewith I am endow'd, which have always +serv'd me in the Nature of _personal Estate_, I dispose thereof as follows; +First, I give and bequeath my _Politicks_ to the Directors of the _Academy_ +of _Musick_, my _Religion_ to the Bishop of B----, my _Eloquence_ to the +most distrest Author in _Grubstreet_, who writes the _full Accounts_ of +_Murthers & Rapes_, and _Fires_, and my _Obscurity_ to somebody that is +inclin'd to turn _Casuist in Divinity_. + +'_Item_, I give my _Beauty_ to Mr. _Dennis_, because he had a Mind to steal +it from me while I was alive. + +'_Item_, I give my _Wits_ to my Friends at _Button's_, my _Good Manners_ to +the _Deputy Governors_ of _Drury Lane_ Theatre; and my _Charity_ to the +_married_ and _unmarried Ladies_ of the said Theatre; and lest Disputes +should arise about the Distribution thereof, it being too little for them +All, my Desire is, that they be determin'd in their Shares by Lot. + +'And I make and appoint Sir _John Falstaffe_, Knight, my full and whole +Executor, and residuary Legatee, desiring him to continue my Paper of the +_Theatre_, but after his own Stile and Method; and desiring likewise that +the Sum of Forty Shillings may be given to the Boys of the _Charity School_ +of St. _Martin_ in the Fields, to write me an _Elegy_ any Time within +_Eighteen_ Years after my Decease.' + +He left several other Legacies to the Theatrical _Viceroys_, whose Interest +he had always so much at Heart, such as, his _Humility_, his _Learning_ and +_Judgment_ in _Dramatick Poetry_; but these being Things _which they always +lived without_, and which we are assur'd, _they will never claim_, we +thought it needless to insert them. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XVII. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + + --_Animasque in vulnere ponunt._ + + Virg. + +Tuesday, _April 12. 1720._ + + +The Incident of a late _Prize_ fought at one of our Theatres, has given me +some Occasion to amuse myself with the Rise, and Antiquity of _Duelling_; +and to enquire what Considerations have given it such Credit, as to make it +practicable as well in all Countries, as in all Times. Religion and Civil +Policy have ever declar'd against the Custom of receiving _Challenges_, and +deny that any Man has a Right, by a Tryal at _Sharps_, to destroy his +Fellow-Creature. History, 'tis true; both sacred and prophane, is full of +Instances of these sort of Combats: but very few are recorded to have +happen'd between Friends, none on the light and idle Misconstruction of +Words, which has set most of our modern _Tilters_ at Work. The _Athenians_ +made it penal by a Law so much as to call a Man a _Murtherer_: and the +Detestation of Antiquity is so plain to this inhuman Kind of Proceeding, +that when _Eteocles_ and _Polynices_ had kill'd each other upon the +important Quarrel of disputed Empire, the Government order'd the +Challenger's Body to be thrown out as a Prey to the Dogs and Birds, and +made it Death for any one to sprinkle Dust over it, or give it the least +honorary Marks of Interment. + +The _Duelling_ so much in Fashion for a few late Centuries is so scandalous +to _Christianity_ and _common Understanding_, and grounded upon none of +those specious Occasions which at first made it warrantable, that it is +high Time the Wisdom of Commonwealths should interpose to discountenance +and abrogate a pernicious Liberty, whose Source springs alone from Folly +and Intemperance. Sir _Walter Raleigh_ has very wisely observ'd in his +_History_ of the _World_, that _the acting of a private Combat, for a +private Respect, and most commonly a frivolous One, is not an Action of +Virtue, because it is contrary to the Law of God, and of all Christian +Kings: neither is it difficult, because even and equal in Persons and Arms: +neither for a publick Good, but tending to the contrary, because the Loss +or Mutilation of an able Man, is also a Loss to the Commonweal_. + +Yet vile and immoral as this Custom is, it has so far prevail'd as to make +way for a _Science_, and is pretended, like Dancing, to be taught By _Rule_ +and _Book_. The Advertisements, which are of great Instruction to curious +Readers, inform us, that a late Baronet had employ'd his Pen in laying down +the _solid_ Art of _Fighting_ both on _Foot_ and _Horseback_: by reading of +which Treatise any Person might in a short time attain to the Practice of +it, either for the Defence of Life upon a just Occasion, or Preservation of +Honour, in any accidental Scuffle or Quarrel. That is, if I may have +Permission, without being challeng'd, to divest the Title of its Pomp, this +solid Art would soon put one in a Capacity of killing one's Man, and +standing a fair Chance of bequeathing one's Cloaths and Neck to the +Hangman. It is observable, that Mr. _Bysshe_, in his Collection of +agreeable and sublime Thoughts, for the Imitation of future Poets, when he +comes to the Topick of _Honour_, ingeniously refers his Readers to the Word +_Butcher_; tacitly implying that the Thoughts upon both Heads have a +_Coherence_, as the Terms themselves are _synonomous_. In short, your +Practitioners in Duelling are so barbarous in their Nature; that their +whole Study is picking up Occasions to be engaged in a Quarrel. They are a +sort of _Quixots_, whose heads are so full of mischievous Chivalry, that +they will mistake the _Sails_ of a _Wind-mill_ for the _Arms_ of a _Gyant_; +and it is fifty to one, if the most innocent Motions, Looks, or Smiles, are +not, by their Prepossessions, construed Airs of Defiance, Offence, or +Ridicule. There is a Passage in _Hamlet_, which never fails of raising +Laughter in the Audience; 'tis where the Clowns are preparing a Grave for +_Ophelia_, and descanting on the Unreasonableness of her being buried in +Christian Burial, _who willfully sought her own Salvation. Will you ha' the +Truth or on't?_ says one of them wisely, _if this had not been a +Gentlewoman, she should have been buried out of_ Christian Burial. _Why +there though say'st it_; replies his Fellow, _and the more is the Pity that +great Folk should have Countenance in this World to drown, or hang +themselves more than us poor Folk_. The Application is so easy, that I +shall leave it for everyone to make it for himself. + +Next to my first Wish, that _Duelling_ were totally restrain'd, methinks, I +could be glad that our young hot _Bravo's_ would not be altogether +_brutal_, but quarrel mathematically, and with some Discretion. I would +recommend the Caution, which _Shakespear_ has prescrib'd by an Example, of +offering and accepting a Challenge. In one of his Plays, there is an +hereditary Quarrel betwixt two Families, and the Servants on each Side are +so zealous in their Masters Cause, that they never meet without a Desire of +fighting, yet are shy of giving the Occasion of Combat. The transcribing a +short Passage will give the best Idea of their Conduct. + + Samp. _I will bite my Thumb at them, which is a Disgrace to them + if they bear it._ + + Abra. _Do you bite your Thumb at Us, Sir?_ + + Samp. _I do bite my Thumb, Sir._ + + Abra. _Do you bite your Thumb at Us, Sir?_ + + Samp. _Is the Law on our Side, if I say, Ay?_ + + Greg. _No._ + + Samp. _No, Sir; I do not bite my Thumb at you, Sir; but I bite my + Thumb, Sir._ + +The most beneficial Things to a Commonwealth will have some of its Members +who will think them a Grievance. I have just now receiv'd the following +Letter from a _Fencing-Master_, who is very apprehensive of Business +falling off, if the _Act_ against _Duelling_ should take place. + + "Sir, + + "As you are both a Knight and a Gentleman (which now-a-days don't + always meet in one Man) I will make bold to Expostulate with you + upon a Bill depending in the House of Commons, I mean that + against _Duelling_. Every good Subject has a right of dissenting + to any Bill propos'd, either by petition, or Pamphlet, before it + passes into a Law; and this concerns the Honour of all Orders of + Men from the Prince to the private Gentleman. I make free to tell + you in a Word, if this passes, there's an End of _good Manhood_ + in the King's Dominions. How must all the Important Quarrels, + which happen in Life, among men of Honour, be decided? Must a + heedless sawcy Coxcomb frown, or tread upon a Gentleman's Toes + with Impunity? No, I suppose, the great Cause of Honour must be + determined by the womanish Revenge of Scolding; and when two + Peers or Gentlemen have had some manly Difference, they must + chuse their _Seconds_ from _Billingsgate_ or the _Bar_--Consider, + Sir, how many brave Gentleman have comfortably kept good Company, + and had their Reckoning always paid, only by shewing a _broad + Blade_, and cherishing a fierce Pair of _Whiskers_. Good Manners + must certainly die with Chivalry; for what keeps all the pert + Puppies about Town in Awe, but the Fear of being call'd to + Account? Don't you know that there are a Set of impertinent + Wretches, who are always disturbing publick Assemblies with Riots + and Quarrels, only upon a presumption of being hinder'd from + fighting, by the Crowd? There will be no end of such Grievances, + if this Law takes Place. Besides, Sir, I hope it will be + consider'd, what will become of us Brothers of the Blade; the Art + we profess will grow of no Use to Mankind; and, of Consequence, + we shall be expos'd to Poverty and Disgrace. Consider, Sir, how + many bright Qualifications must go to the finishing one of us; we + require Parts as elegant, generous, and manly, as any Profession + whatsoever; therefore, I hope, that some publick Spirit in the + House of Commons, who is a Lover of his Country, and a Friend to + Arts and Sciences, will start up and distinguish himself against + this Bill. You know that our Profession is justly call'd the + Noble _Science_ of _Defence_, and makes a considerable Branch of + the _Mathematicks_; if the Ignorant should gain this Point + against us, they won't stop here; no doubt, their Design is to + attack all Arts and Sciences, and beat them one by one quite out + of the Nation; the _Assault_, 'tis true, seems only made against + us; but wise Men foresee that all Learning is in Danger. Our + Adversaries are upon the _Longe_ with their Swords just at our + Breasts, I desire therefore your Advice and Assistance, in what + _Guard_ we must stand to _parry_ this fatal _Thrust_. Yours, + + "FLANKANADE." + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XVIII. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Totum hominem Deus adsumit, quia totus ab ipso est; + Et totum redimit quem sumpserat, omne reducens + Quicquid homo est, istud Tumulis, ast istud Abysso._ + + Prudent. + + [Greek: Phthenxomai hois themis osti, thuras d' epithesthe + bebelois.] + + Orpheus. + +Saturday, _April 16. 1720._ + + +The Person, who confines himself to the Task of writing a Paper of +Entertainment, is not thereby obliged to be continually ludicrous in his +Composition, or to expect that his Readers should always be upon the broad +Grin. The _rational_, as well as _risible_, Faculties are to be exercised; +and if I think fit to be too precisely serious to Day, my good-natur'd +Customers will give me an Indulgence, and believe that I will make it up to +them with Mirth on _Tuesday_. + +As I devoted the spare Hours of yesterday to Meditation, I could not help +reflecting, what little Notion we have at this Time of _Prodigies_ and +_Phenomena_, that are not in the common Course of Nature. We are grown +_Epicureans_ in our Principles, and force our selves to believe, that it is +Fear, Superstition, or Ignorance, to fancy that Providence sends the World +a Warning in extraordinary Appearances: We buoy our selves up, that we only +want such a Portion of Philosophy to account for what startles the +Grossness of Sense, and to know that such Appearances must have their Cause +in Nature, tho' we cannot readily determine where to fix it. This brings to +my Mind, when _Glendour_ was boasting in the Play, that at his Nativity the +Heavens were full of fiery Shapes, and the Foundation of the Earth shook +like a Coward; _Hotspur_ reply'd humourously, _Why so it would have done at +the same Season, if your Mother's Cat had but kitten'd, tho' your self had +never been born_. + +If we are to think so slightly of these uncommon Accidents, since the +Fashion of the Times will call them so, I would fain be resolved in one +Point, how it comes to pass, that the Birth and Death of so many eminent +Persons, and of Consequence to the World, have been mark'd and usher'd in +with such a Pomp of Prodigies. The same great Poet, whom I but now quoted, +observes finely, that, + + _When Beggars die, there are no Comets seen: + The Heav'ns themselves blaze forth the Death of Princes._ + +The whole Concurrence of Historians, even of the most undoubted Authority, +have struck in, and espoused this Opinion. They are not all Fools and +superstitious Dotards, nor tied by any Obligations to record a Set of +Miracles, which in their own private Thoughts they counted absurd, and +laugh'd at. Every Pen, that has touch'd the Circumstance of _Julius +Caesar's_ Death, has consented to relate the Strange Things, which both +foresaw and foretold his Assassination. _Shakespear_ has communicated these +Terrors to his Audience with the utmost Art: The Night is attended with +Thunder and Lightning; and _Caesar_ comes forth in his Night-gown, +reflecting on the Unquietness of the Season, and ordering the Priests to do +present Sacrifice: _Calphurnia_ immediately follows him; and the +Undauntedness of his Spirit, attack'd by the Tenderness of his Wife's +Tears, gives an Occasion for the following Recital. + + Caesar, _I never stood on Ceremonies; + Yet now they fright me: There is one within, + Besides the Things that we have heard and seen, + Recounts most horrid Sights seen by the Watch. + A Lioness hath whelped in the Streets; + And Graves have yawn'd, and yielded up their Dead: + Fierce fiery Warriours fight upon the Clouds, + (In Ranks and Squadrons, and right Forms of War) + Which drizzled Blood upon the_ Capitol. + _The Noise of Battle hurried in the Air, + Horses did neigh, and dying Men did groan, + And Ghosts did shriek, and squeal about the Streets. + O_ Caesar! _These Things are beyond all Use, + And I do fear them_. + +The Poet, tho' he has adorned this Description by his Art, has been careful +to collect its Substance from the Historians. Every Particular is preserved +to us by the _Heathen_ Writers; and not a _Heathen_, that we know of, did +ever dispute the Truth of it. The Love and Esteem which the Generality bore +to the Person of _Caesar_, the Reverence which they paid to the Dignity of +his Character, and the important Services which he had done the +Commonwealth, contributed not only to convince them of these Prodigies, but +to make some effort, that the Gods had received him into their Number. + +The Use, which I intended from this Subject, is, that as _Christians_, who +have more invaluable Obligations to remember, we should suffer our Faith +and Gratitude to extend as least as far as the _Pagans_ did. There was a +dread Time (for the Commemoration whereof a Day is annually set a-part) +_when the Sun was eclipsed, and Darkness was over all the Land; when the +Vail of the Temple was rent asunder from the Top to the Bottom; when the +Earth quaked, and Rocks were split; when the Graves were opened, and the +Bodies of Saints, which slept in Death, arose and walked_. Let _Atheists_ +alone, and _Freethinkers_ disbelieve the Terrors of that Hour. 'Twas fit +that Nature should feel such Convulsions, when the Lord of Life suffered +such Indignities. + +I almost fear least my Readers should suspect that I am usurping the +Province of the Pulpit, and therefore I shall continue this Discourse in +the Words of a Poet, who will ever be esteemed in the _English_ Tongue. +When _Adam_ is doom'd to be turn'd out of Paradise, _Milton_ has by a happy +Machinery supposed, that the Angel _Michael_ is dispatched down to +pronounce the Sentence, and mitigate it by shewing _Adam_ in Vision, what +should happen to his Posterity. Amongst the rest, the _Incarnation_ is +shadowed out; and the Angel tells him, that the _Messiah_ shall spring from +_his_ Loins, and make a Satisfaction for the Punishment, which _he_ by his +Transgression had earned on himself and his Race. + + _For this he shall live hated, be blasphem'd, + Seis'd on by Force, judg'd, and to Death condemn'd, + A shameful and accurst, nail'd to the Cross + By his own Nation, slain for bringing Life; + But to the Cross He nails thy Enemies + The Law that is against thee, and the sins + Of all Mankind, with him there crucified, + Never to hurt them more, who rightly trust + In this his Satisfaction: So he dies, + But soon revives; Death over him no Power + Shall long usurp: e'er the third dawning Light + Return, the Stars of Morron shall see him rise + Out of his Grave, fresh as the dawning Light, + The Ransom paid, which Man from Death redeems._ + +I cannot better conclude the Triumph of this Promise, than by the Speech, +in which _Adam_ expresses his Joy and Wonder at these glad Tidings. + + _'O Goodness infinite! Goodness immense, + That all this Good of Evil shall produce, + And Evil turn to Good; more wonderful + Than that, which by Creation first brought forth + Light out of Darkness! Full of doubt I stand, + Whether I should repent me now of Sin + By me done and committed, or rejoice + Much more, that much more Good thereof shall spring._ + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XX. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Tristius baud illis monstrum, nec saevior ulla + Pestis, & ira Deum_, Stygiis _sese extulit oris._ + + Virg. + +Saturday, _April 23. 1720._ + + +It is very odd to consider, yet very frequently to be remark'd, that tho' +we have all so many Passions and Appetites pushing for the Government of +us, and every one of us has a Portion of Reason, that, if permitted, would +regulate our Conduct: yet we are obstinate not to be directed by that +Reason, and give the Rein and Regulation of our Actions over to the +Passions and Appetites of other People. This is putting our selves upon the +Foot of _Epicurus's_ Deities, who were too indolent to look after the World +themselves, and left the Task of Providence to Chance and Second Causes. + +I grant, it is very necessary that our Misconduct should be assisted, and +set right by wiser Judgment; but the Danger is, and especially among the +Female Sex, into what Hands this Power of Direction is committed. The Trust +of Friendship is so often betrayed, and the Duty of the Office postponed to +private Interest, that it is a Question whether we are not safer, while we +give a Loose to our own extravagant Excursions. The Institution of +_Douegnas_, or Governesses in _Spain_, we do not doubt, was a Design well +befitting the Caution of that wise and reserved Nation; but the Corruption +of the Persons intrusted, soon brought them into so much Disreputation, +that they became the Objects of hatred and Scandal. + +Don _Francisco de Quevedo_, in his general Satires, has set these Vermin in +such a Light, as gives a shrewd Suspicion of their having been mischievous +in his own Family. He dreams that he is got within the Confines of Death, +and, among the other visionary Figures presented, he is encountred by an +old _Governante_. _How's this_! says he, in a great Amazement, _Have ye any +of those Cattle in this Country? Let the Inhabitants pray heartily for +Peace then; and all little enough to keep them quiet_. In short, he makes +the old Gentlewoman acquaint him, that she had been Eight Hundred Years in +Hell, upon a Design to erect an Order of the _Governantes_; but the Right +Worshipful _Satanic_ Commissioners were not as yet come to any Resolution +upon the Point: For, they said, if your _Governantes_ should come once to +settle there, there would be no Occasion for any other Tormentors, and the +Devils themselves would be but so many _Jacks out of Office_. _I have +been_, says she, _too in_ Purgatory _upon the same Project, but there so +soon as ever they set Eyes upon me, all the Souls cried out unanimously_, +Libera nos, Domine. _And as for_ Heaven, _That's no Place for Quarrels, +Slanders, Disquiets, Heart-burnings, and consequently none for_ Me. + +These are the _Douegna's_ which the Suspicions of the _Spaniards_ at first +intended as Spies upon the Conduct of their Wives and Daughters. We have a +Species of _Governantes_ among us in _England_, who being admitted into a +Familiarity in Families, by Policy improve it into Friendship: this +Friendship lets them into a Degree of Trust, which they are diligent to +turn into the best Advantage; and having always little servile Ends of +their own to obtain, their surest Step is to sow Dissention, and strengthen +their own Interest, by alienating the Affections of the Wife from her +Husband; whose _Bread_ they are eating at the same Time, that they are +undermining his _Quiet_ in the nearest Concerns of Life. + +Making a Visit the other Day to my Friend _Gellius_, who happened to be +abroad, I found the Partner of his Bosom _Clarissa_, and her eternal +Companion _Drusilla_, all in Tears. I was not received with that open +Familiarity, which was used to be shewn me; and I observed something in +them of that kind of Reserve, which is common with People who are under +some great Affliction. I at first apprehended, that some fatal Accident had +happen'd to the Person or Circumstances of my Friend; but, upon Inquiry, I +was set easy as to these Fears, tho' they would give me no Hint, by which I +might guess at the Cause of their Disquietude. Finding them in a +Disposition so unapt for Mirth, I took my Leave; judging, it could be no +worse than some little domestick Misunderstanding, occasion'd, perhaps, by +a disagreeable Command on the Side of the Husband, or some Contradiction on +the Side of the Wife. But my Man, who is very intimate with all the +Servants, has since let me into the Secret. It seems, there is a strange +Union of Souls between these two Ladies; from what Affinity of Disposition, +or mysterious Impulse, is a Secret only known to Nature and themselves. +They love and hate alike; their Sympathies and Antipathies are the same; +and all Joys are tasteless to the One, without the Company and +Participation of the Other. Their Affection is of that tender, that +delicate Nature, that the smallest Jealousie, the least Unkindness blasts +it. It happen'd one Day, that _Clarissa_ was more than commonly civil to +her Husband: There was something past between them, that look'd like +Fondness, and this in the Presence of _Drusilla_: Who can express the +Passions that struggled in the Female Rival's Soul? Despair, Rage, +Jealousie, and Anguish at once possess'd her; and it was now Time to retire +to Sleep; the Lady with her Husband withdrew to Bed, and the jealous Friend +likewise committed her self to her Pillow, tho' not to Rest. Her Soul was +busied with the bitter Reflexion of what had past, and what further +Endearments might be practis'd. Unable to compose her self, she resolves to +rise, and pretends Sickness: _Clarissa_ is disturbed from the Embraces of +her Husband; nor is suffer'd to go back to the Bed of Wedlock, till she has +promis'd her disgusted Friend, by a forc'd Indifference to restrain the +Liberties of the inamour'd _Gellius_. + +The learned Times, I find, were not unacquainted with these _Female +Intimacies_: And by the Names they affix'd to the Persons practising them, +which I shall forbear to mention, 'tis plain they put none of the best +Constructions on their Familiarities. + +_Plato_, I remember, offers at a Reason in Nature for such Conversations. +He tells us, that at first Mankind were made with _Two_ Heads, _Four_ Arms, +_Four_ Legs, and so every Way double: that of these, there were _three_ +Sorts; some, double Men; some, double Women; and some Hermaphrodites. +_Jupiter_, upon an Offence committed, split them all into _Two's_; from +whence arises in Mankind that Desire of a Companion, as his other half to +perfect his Being. The Consequence of this Division was, that they, who in +their original State were _double Men_, are still fond of the _Ganymede's_ +with smooth Chins; and they, who were at first _double Women_, are at this +Day enamoured of their own Sex, and _Platonicks_ as to any Commerce with +Ours. + +I have heard so much to the Disadvantage of these _Inamorata's_, that I +consider a Man, who is link'd to such a Wife, in the State of the _Lover_ +and his _Two Mistresses_ in the _Fable_. The one, who was a little turned +in Years, pulled out all his _black_ Hairs, to make him look nearer to her +Standing: and the other, who was in her Bloom, pick'd out all the _grey_ +ones, that the World might not suspect she had an Old Man; 'till between +them, they made him as bald as Father _Time_ himself. + +I shall conclude with the Story of an unfortunate Gentleman, who had +suffer'd heavily in this Way, and went abroad to avoid his Slavery. As he +was travelling from _Madrid_ to _Valladolid_, he found himself belated, and +wanted to take up his Night's Quarters in some middle Place. He was +informed, the nearest Way would bring him to a small Village, call'd +_Douegnas_; which with us would be the Village of _Governesses_. _But is +there no other Place_, said he, _within some reasonable Distance, either +short of, or beyond it_? They told him, No, unless it were at a _Gallows_. +_Nay, there shall be my Quarters then_, said he, _I am resolved; for a +Thousand_ Gibbets _are not so bad to me as One_ Douegna. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXI. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + [Greek: Kronides phrenas exeleto Zeus]. + + Homer. + +Tuesday, _April 26. 1720._ + + +The Writer who attempts either to divert, or instruct the Town, has, +perhaps, a worse Chance of succeeding now, than in any Age before. The +Conversation of the World is changed, Gaiety and Mirth are banished from +Society, and the buisy Affair of Avarice has taken up the Thoughts of every +Company; if a Man in a Coffee-House takes up a _News-Paper_, the first +Thing he turns to is the Price of the _Stocks_; if he looks over the +_Advertisements_, it is in Quest of some new _Project_; when he has +finished his Enquiry, and mixes in Conversation, you hear him expatiate +upon the Advantage of some favourite Project, or curse his Stars for +missing the lucky Moment of buying as he intended at the Rise of the +South-Sea. Another complains of the Roguery of some Broker or Director, +whom he intrusted; this I have heard canvass'd over and over, with so many +Aggravations of Meanness and Knavery against each other, that, I confess, I +shall never see a poor Malefactor go to suffer Death for robbing another of +ten Pounds upon the High-Way, but I shall look with Compassion on his +Condition, and perhaps reflect secretly upon the Partiality of publick +Justice. I know so many little infamous Frauds, so many Breaches of Honour, +and Friendship, in the Conduct of these Persons, that I should think it a +Piece of Justice to expose them, could I imagine it would bring them to +Shame or Amendment; but I shall leave them to work their Way to _Wealth_ +and _Contempt_, which I presume they will be very well contented with; nor +envy any Man the Merit of his Poverty and good Nature. But I cannot forbear +admiring the Nature of Projects, and by what furious Impulse Mankind is +carried into them: No Person asks the Question, whether they be for the +Good of the Nation; for, it seems to me, that no Man cares, provided he +gets by them himself. + +We use our Country like our Step-Mother, we have no natural Affection for +her, we are Foreigners to her Blood, and when we have sucked her dry, we +make no Returns of Gratitude in her Necessities, but turn her loose to +shift for her self; I think this the Case, if you consider the Condition of +a rising Project, which every Man that's concerned in, intends to get out +of, and declares he will not trust too long. + +I have very little Capacity, or Inclination, to argue upon this Subject; +and being a little indolent withal, I shall take the Liberty of +entertaining to Day with a Story, that lies ready at my elbow; and which I +declare before-hand, has no significant Meaning in it, that I know of: If +the Sagacity of my Readers can make more of it than my self, in God's Name, +let them please themselves with the Application. + +There is a small _Island_ on the Coast of _Denmark_, in which there are +five Towns; the Lord of this Place was very poor, rather because he coveted +much, than that he wanted any Thing. God has afflicted the Inhabitants with +a general Inclination in them all to be _Projectors_, so that the Land +seemed to be infested with as many Monsters as there were Men: So +prodigious was the natural Proneness to projecting in that Country, that +the very sucking Babes cried out _Project_, before they could say _Papa_ or +_Mamma_; the whole island was a confused Chaos, for Man and Wife, Father +and Son, Neighbour and Neighbor, were ever jangling about their Projects, +and they were as intoxicated with them as if they had been drunk with Wine. +The Lord of this Place ordered a general Examination of all _Projects_. +Legions of _Projectors_ assembled before his Palace with Skrips and Scrolls +of Paper stuck in their Girdles, run through their Button-holes, and +peeping through their Pockets. The Lord having made known his Wants, +demanded their Assistance; and they all at once laying hold of their +Papers, and crowding till they had almost stifled one another, in an +Instant heap'd up four Tables with their Memoirs. The first Paper he cast +his Eyes on was, _How to raise an unmeasurable Treasure by Subscription of +all that Men are worth, and yet inrich them by taking it away. The first +Part_, quoth the Lord, _of taking from all Men, I like; but as to the +second, which is to inrich them by taking it away, I am dubious of, yet let +them look to that_. He looked over a Multitude of others. In the mean Time +the Projectors quarrelled, each approving his own Scheme, and condemning +the rest; and they grew so Scurrilous, they called one another _Sons of +Projectors_ instead of _Sons of Whores_. The Lord commanded Peace, and +being tempted with their Offers, receiv'd and allow'd several of their +Proposals: Whereupon they all swore they would stand by him in all +Extremities. A few Days after, the Lord's Servants came out, and cried the +Palace was on Fire in three several Places, and the Wind blew high. The +Lord was in a great Consternation; the Projectors gathered about him, bid +him sit still, and be easy, and they would set all to Rights in a Moment; +Upon which they fell to Work, and laid their Hands on all they found in the +House, casting every Thing of Value out at the Windows; others with Sledges +threw down a Tower; others cried the Fire would cease, as soon as it had +Vent, and fell to unroofing the House; and so destroy'd the whole Structure +they were called to save. None endeavoured to extinguish the Fire; they +were all busy in confounding every Thing they could grasp. At length the +Smoak decreased, and the Lord, going out, perceived that the common People +had master'd the Fire, while the Projectors had demolished his Palace, and +destroyed his Furniture: Incens'd and raging at this Sight, he cried out, +_Rogues, you are worse than the Fire, and so are all your Projects; it were +better I had been burnt, than to have given Ear to your destructive +Counsels. You overturn a whole House, least a Corner of it should fall; you +feed a Prince with his own Limbs, and pretend to maintain him, when he is +devouring himself. Villains, justly did the Fire come to burn me, for +suffering you to live; but, when it perceived me in the Power of +Projectors, it ceased, concluding I was already consumed. Fire is the most +merciful of Projectors, for Water quenches it; but you increase in spight +of all the Elements_. Princes may be poor; but when they once have to do +with Projectors, they cease to be Princes, to avoid being poor. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXII + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Quos_ Jupiter _vult perdere, dementat prius._ + +Saturday, _April 30. 1720._ + + +It is common with Authors of my Rank to give themselves Airs of +Consequence, when they assume a Right of correcting, or reforming, the +Vices, or Follies of the Age. The late Sir _John Edgar_, of obscure Memory, +pretended to define a Sort of Men whom he called _wrong-headed_, and has +told two or three Stories by Way of Examples, from whence he wou'd have you +think, that a Slip of Memory, is an Error in Judgment; as you may see in +his Instance of the Foot Soldier, who robbed the Gentleman, and forgetting +that he had put the Things into his own Pockets, afterwards changed Coats +with the Gentleman, and by that Means put him again in Possession of +whatever he before had robbed him. Without any Malice to Sir _John's_ +Remaines, I shall beg Leave to observe, that the Term _wrong-headed_ more +properly belongs to him, who has an ill Turn of thinking, and judging, than +to him who commits a careless Oversight, which is common to Men of the best +Parts. My Reason for introducing this, is, from some Reflections that I +have made on the Subject of my last Paper; by which it appears to me that +there are Multitudes of this Sort of People in the World, pursuing Fortune +in a very giddy Way. I suppose it will be thought ridiculous, to call him +_wrong-headed_, who by any Artifice shall improve his Estate; yet when the +Misfortunes of others, and those by much the greater Number, and a Decay of +Trade are put in Ballance against that Artifice, I doubt this Charge must +be somewhere, tho' I am not cunning enough to tell where. As I see but +little Company, and retire for my Ease and the Improvement of my Studies; I +was deeply ingaged in Thought the other Night upon this Topick, and in made +such a strong Impression upon me, that it produced a very odd Dream. As it +is the Weakness of Women, and old Men, to be fond of telling their Dreams +to their Friends, I hope my Readers will excuse me this Infirmity of my +Age. + +Methought, I saw a Lady of a middle Age, large Stature, and in the Fulness +of her Beauty, stand before me, magnificently dress'd; I had not Leisure to +peruse her, before she began to walk about, skip and dance, and used so +many odd Gestures, that she appeared to me little better than mad. I had +the Curiosity to approach, to observe what she might be, when upon +contemplating her Features, her Dress, and her Air, I fancied, I had seen +her exact Likeness in several Maps and Drawings in _Metzo-Tinto_, where her +Form was made use of to express _Britannia_. This gave me a Tenderness and +Compassion for her Condition; I ask'd her many Questions, by her Replies +to which I perceived her Head was a little turned, and her Notions of +Things extravagant. She owned, she had forsaken all those ingenious and +industrious Arts, which she had practised long to the Wonder of her +Neighbours, with the Reputation of a discreet and vertuous Matron, and now +was resolved to turn _Rope-Dancer_. This was no sooner said, but she falls +to work, to setting up her Tackle with proper Supporters; and to my very +great Astonishment fixed one End of her Rope in _France_, and t'other in +_Holland_. The Inhabitants of these Countries flock'd to behold her, +watching and wishing for her Fall, and every one ready to receive her; she +tottered strangely, and seemed ready to come down every Minute; upon which +those below stretch'd out their Hands in Order to pull her down, and shewed +Joy, and Disappointment, in their Looks alternately, as often as she +stumbled or recovered. She begg'd for a Pole to poise her, but no body +wou'd lend her one; and looked about in vain for help. There appeared at +some Distance a Man in a broad Hat, and short Cloak, with a swarthy +Complexion, and black Whiskers, who seemed altogether unconcern'd at what +shou'd happen; to her in her Frights she gave him many a Look, as if she +silently begg'd his Assistance, but whether she had done him any Injury, or +that her Pride would not suffer her to turn Petitioner, she seemed ashamed +to call to him for Help. Thus she went on tottering, 'till she tore all her +Garments, so that her Robes appeared like the ragged Colours in +_Westminster-Hall_; at length seeing her Danger, he reached her out a Pole, +and then she shewed a tolerable Skill and Agility; which the People +perceiving, who were towards France, they resolved to let go the Rope that +she might slip down to their Side, and this gave me such Pain for her +Safety, that I waked with a Start of Consternation. + +Tho' there was nothing in this but a Dream, it cannot be imagined how +concerned I was, that it did not last till I could be satisfied whether she +fell, or no. I was grave for at least an Hour after, and reflected on the +Policy of those, who forsake a safe and profitable Path, for vain and +dangerous Flights; I fancied my self a Politician too, and imagined I knew +what a Nation of _Projectors_ must bring their Country to. I shall here +make a Digression, without giving any Reason for it; for since I am not +bound to the Unities of Time, and Place, as we are in Poetry, I stand in no +Awe of the peevish Criticks. + +Three _French_ Men were travelling into _Spain_, over the Mountains of +_Biscay_: One of them trundled before him a _Wheelbarrow_, with Implements +for grinding _Knives_ and _Scissors_; another carried a Load of +_Mouse-Traps_ and _Bellows_; and the third had a Box of Combs and _Pins_. A +poor _Spaniard_, who was travelling into _France_ on Foot, with his Cloak +on his Shoulder, met them half Way on the Ascent of a craggy Hill. They +sate down to rest in the Shade, and began to confer Notes. They asked the +_Spaniard_, whither he was going? He replied, into _France_. What to do? +says one of the _Frenchmen_: To seek my Fortune, replies the _Spaniard_: He +was asked again, what Trade he was of? He answered, of no Trade at all: of +late, says he, we _Spaniards_ have been bred to no Trades; but those of us +that are poor, and honest, either beg or borrow; those, that are not, rob +or cheat, as they do in other Countries. How did you live in your own +Country? says one of the _Frenchmen_. Oh! says the _Spaniard_, very well +for a while; I had a great many thousand Pistoles left me by my Ancestors. +What have you done with them? says one of the _Frenchmen_: I put them into +a _Policy_, says the _Spaniard_, where I was to have a great Interest for +them. And what became of that Policy? says one of the _Frenchmen_. The +_Spaniard_ replied, that at first the Interest was paid, and then Things +went merrily enough; but that in a little Time the Body _Politick_ became +_Bankrupt_, and paid neither Principal nor Interest. And did all the +Adventurers lose their Money? says one of the _Frenchmen_. All, replies the +_Spaniard_, except those that were concerned in the Management: and is +Money plenty in _Spain_ now? says one of the _Frenchmen_. Never so scarce, +answers the _Spaniard_; for all Degrees of Men, all Artificers, and +Mechanicks left off their Trades, and put their Effects into this Policy, +that they might live at their Ease; and now they're all ruined; and of all +the immense Sums that were put into this damned Policy, there is not the +hundredth Part to be found, and that is in the Hands of those few that +cheated the rest; but whether it be sunk again into the Bowels of the +Earth, or where it is gone, we cannot tell. At this one of the _French_ Men +smiled, and told the _Spaniard_, he could let him into the Secret; _while +your Nation was in Pursuit of this imaginary Mountain of Gold_, says he, +_and all your People neglected their Employments; we, with such Trumpery as +these, have drawn away the Wealth of your_ Indian _Mines; we sell our Ware +in your Country, and carry your Money back to our own; By which Means we +inrich our own Country, and impoverish yours: Of all the Treasures that +come into_ Spain, _you enjoy only the Name; for while you are busy in +Chimera's, our Industry drains all the Treasure from you; and take this +with you, that_ all Projects must end like the Searches for the +Philosopher's Stone, that is, in Smoke, where the _Interest_ is paid out of +the _Principal Stock_, and is not supported by any industrious _Traffick_. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXIII + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Est genus hominum, qui esse primos se omnium rerum volunt, + Nec sunt:--_ + + Ter. + +Tuesday, _May 3. 1720._ + + +I find by a long Conversation with the World, and from Remarks I have made +on different Times and Sexes, that there is a Desire, or rather an +Ambition, implanted in all humane Creatures of being thought agreeable; but +'tis no unpleasant Study to observe what different Methods are taken of +obtaining this one universal End. The Ladies seem to have laid it up as a +Maxim on their Side, that their Beauty is to be the greatest Merit; for +which Reason no Art, or Industry, is wanting to cultivate that Jewel; and +there is so great an Adoration paid to it by all Mankind, that 'tis no +Wonder they should neglect the Qualifications of the Mind, Things merely +speculative, for those Graces and Ornaments which command Respect, and +whose Dominion is owned as soon as seen. Upon the Foot of this Observation, +some of our Sex, who are of the Order of the _Beau Garcons_, being equal to +the Ladies in their Understandings, employ all their Care and Capacity in +decorating the Outside; and have a Notion that he's the most ingenious Man, +who makes the cleanest Figure, and is best dress'd for the Assembly or +Drawing-Room. Among these pretty Triflers, a good Embroidery on their +Clothes, or a Sword Knot of a new Invention, raises more Emulation than a +Piece of new Wit does among the bad Poets; in their View of Things, a Man +of Sense is a very insignificant Creature; and if, with the _Eclat_ of +their Dress, or Equipage, they can draw the Eyes of the Vulgar, they are in +That arrived at the Top of their Glory; since all they wish for is to be +taken Notice of. + +There is another Order of _fine Gentlemen_ among Us, who study other +Accomplishments than That of Dress, by which they labour to recommend +themselves to Company. The prevailing Artifice of their Conduct is, in +every Stage of Action, to appear Great, and insinuate themselves to be +thought the _Favourites_ only of the _Great_. These nice Oeconomists, being +equipped with one Thread-bare Suit, a _German_ Wig, guilty of few or no +Curls, and happy in a single Change of Linnen, seem to despise all +superfluous Ornaments of Garniture, and have no Time on their Hands, but +what is spent in devising how to get rid, as they would have you suppose, +of a Multitude of Engagements. There is a certain veteran Beau of my +Acquaintance, who is highly caressed upon the Credit of his Intimacy with +Persons of Quality whom he never spoke to; he has a Knot of vain young +Fellows attendant upon him, whom he is to introduce into great Company; and +he has dropt some Hints, as if he would use his Interest to recommend some +of them to Employments at Court. These are, for the most part, young Men +stept into suddain great Fortunes, whose Rank and Conversation being at a +such a Distance from Title, they fancy that Men of Quality are not made of +the same Materials with other Men. This industrious merry old Gentleman has +a peculiar Happiness in telling, and making, a Story; and, in the winding +up or Catastrophe of it, never fails to surprize and please you, therefore +he diverts, as well as amuses his Company. It is to these Talents that he +chiefly owes his Subsistance, for he is very little beholding to Fortune, +or his Family. I am pleased to hear him relate the Adventures, that his +very good Friend King _Charles_ the _Second_ and He have met with together; +the Sword he wears (which, it must be confessed, looks something _antique_) +was given to him on the Day of the Battle at _Worcester_ by that Monarch. +This Weapon being reverenced by the Youths his Followers, one of them +sollicited hard to purchase it. For ten Guineas, and to oblige a Friend, +our Humorist was prevailed upon to part with it. Next Day he purchas'd +exactly such another Peice of Antiquity for _Eighteen Pence_ in _Monmouth_ +Street, and has been so obliging, from Time to Time, to sell at least ten +of these Weapons to young Fellows well affected to the Royal Family, and +all presented to him by the same Monarch with whom he was so conversant. +The Furniture of his Apartment is not very costly, as may be judged by his +Circumstances; a Gentleman visiting him one Morning, sat down upon a Stool, +which being decrepit and crazy, he was apprehensive of a Fall; and +therefore throwing it aside with so much Negligence that its whole Frame +had like to have been dissolved, the old Gentleman begged him to use it +with more Respect, for he valued it above all he was worth beside, it being +made out of a Piece of the _Royal Oak_. His Visitant, who was a Man of +Fortune, immediately had a Desire to be in Possession of such a Treasure: +Over a Bottle he let him know his Inclination, and the good-natur'd old +Gentleman, who could refuse nothing to so dear a Friend, was prevailed upon +to accept of a _Gold Watch_ in Exchange for his _Stool_. It was immediately +sent down to the Mansion-house in the Country, where it is to be seen +finely incased, and is shewn to all Strangers as the most valuable Rarity +of the Family. _Tom Varnish_, who is a Pupil of our old Humourists, is a +good Proficient in his Way of Conversation: Whenever you see him, he's just +come from visiting some great Person of Quality. If a Game at _Hombre_ be +proposed, and you are settling your Way of Play, he says, _We never play it +so at the Dutchess's_. If you ask him to take a Glass of Wine at a Tavern +with you, he is always engaged in a _Parti quarre_; and then he speaks all +the _French_ he is Master of. If he has an Amour, it is with a Woman of +Quality. He sits in the Side Box the first Act of the Play, and stays no +longer, for some Reasons best known to himself. It happened once, that a +Person sat next to him, who, by his Star and Garter, he knew to be of the +first Rank: _Tom_, seeing some of his Acquaintance in the middle Gallery, +thought it would be for his Reputation to be seen to talk with this +Gentleman; therefore, observing when the Eyes of his Acquaintance were upon +him, he drew his Lips near my Lord's Ear, and asked him _what a Clock it +was_; my Lord answered him; then _Tom_ look'd up again, and smiled; and +when he talked with his Friends next, told them, that his Lordship had +informed him of some Changes designed at Court, not yet made publick; and +therefore they must pardon him if he did not communicate. He did not come +off so well upon another Occasion; for having boasted of a great Intimacy +with a certain Foreign Minister, _Tom_ was asked by some Gentlemen to go +one Evening to his Assembly: He willingly accepted the Party, thinking by +their Means to get Admittance: They, on the contrary, expected to be +introduced by him; when they came into his Excellency's House, the Porter, +who had dress'd himself in his great Coat, which was richly laced, and +having a good Wig, well powder'd, was coming down to take his Post; _Tom_ +seeing the Richness of the Habit, fancied it was a Robe worn by Foreigners, +mistook the _Porter_ for the Embassador, and, making several low Bows, +began to address him with, _May it please your Excellency_. The Fellow +answered, Sir, if you'd speak with my Lord, I'll call one of his Gentlemen +to you; this raised a Laugh against him by his Companions, and _Tom_ walked +off defeated in his Vanity, tho' he would fain have laid the Mistake on a +sudden Absence of Thought, and asserted, that he had frequently conversed +with the Ambassador. + +My old Friend, the Humourist, who is liberal of Talk in his Wine, I must +confess, sometimes lets his Vain-Glory bring his Discourse under some +Suspitions; especially, when upon the Strain of his Intimacy with King +_Charles_. He tells how that Prince, seeing him one Morning in the Park, +obliged him to take a Breakfast with him at _Whitehall_: As soon as they +were got into the Lodgings, the King called for _Kate_, meaning the Queen, +made her salute his Friend, and asked her how she could entertain them. The +Queen, he says, seeing a Stranger, made some little Hesitations: But at +last, _My Dear_, says she, _we have nothing but a Rib of cold Beef at +present, for yesterday, you know, was Washing-Day_. In short, he tells this +Story with so much Gravity, that you must either consent to believe it, or +be obliged to fight him, for suspecting the Truth of it. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXIV + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _Hic est quem quaeris, ille quem requiris_, + Tota _notus in_ Urbe. + + Mart. + +Saturday, _May 7. 1720._ + + +I have more than once declar'd, that, as I set up for a publick Spirit, and +am for countenancing every Thing which may give either Profit or Delight to +my Countrymen, no Essay, tending to the Improvement of any Art or Science, +shall want my Approbation or Encouragement. This may seem a very +inconsiderable Assistance from a Person, whose Fortune, and Figure in Life, +have not made him Great enough to be a profitable Patron to the Ingenious: +But I have found, in many Instances, that the Approbation of a _grave_ Man, +and such I am esteemed, has some Weight with the _Many_; since, it is +observ'd, that, in Works of Learning, not Half of Mankind judge for +themselves, and of Those who do, we may presume to say, that at least Half +judge amiss. + +It is a trite Observation, but not unserviceable in Life, that _a Man had +as good be out of the World, as out of the Fashion_. This lays me under an +Obligation and Necessity of looking out for every Thing _new_, that starts +into the Publick. The Papers, which are mighty Helps to Intelligence of +this Kind, have been big with advertising the History of the _Life_ and +_Adventures_ of Mr. _Duncan Campbell_: And finding, by the Information of +these Diurnal Oracles, that his Majesty _has received it very graciously_, +I was induced to subscribe for this _remarkable_ Treatise. I must confess, +I think it a Work of immense Erudition, full of curious Disquisitions into +speculative Philosophy, comprehending a large Fund of Philological +Learning, and furnished with some Remarks, that have escaped the Pens of +former Authors, who have writ in any Faculty whatsoever. + +Man's Life is so short, it has been the settled Opinion of the Wise, that +this Prosecution of any single Subject would be sufficient to take up all +his Time. For this Reason, and especially in the Summer Season, when I make +shift to retire from this Metropolis of Noise and Business, I contract my +Speculations and Studies under one Head. To this End my great Care is, to +collect a small Parcel of useful Books, that may all contribute to one and +the same Purpose. As my Pleasure lies chiefly in searching after Truth, and +Authors, whose Aim is to inform the Mind, or reform the Morals, I have +determined carefully to peruse once more these _Memoirs_, relating to the +celebrated Mr. _Campbell_. They are penn'd with a particular Air of +Sincerity, and such a strict Regard to Truth and Matter of Fact, that they +seem a Copy, in this Point, from _Lucian's true History_. I have therefore, +to satisfy my Readers of the Judgment which I make of Books, concluded to +accompany my Reflections over this Author, with reading, at proper +Intervals, the Surprizing Adventures of _Robinson Crusoe_, the Travels of +_Aaron Hill_ Esq., into _Turkey_, the History of the _Empires_ in the _Sun_ +and _Moon Worlds_, _Psalmonaazar's_ History of the Island of _Formosa_, +and, that great Promoter of Christien Piety, the _Tale of a Tub_. + +As I have taken upon me to animadvert upon this Treatise, containing the +Adventures and profound Skill of Mr. _Campbell_, I shall continue to do it +with the Impartiality of a true Critick. I have allowed the Author's +Excellencies, and am therefore at Liberty to observe upon his Errors. He +tells us, that _Lapland_ receives its Name from the _Finland_ Word _Lapp_, +that is _Exiles_, and from the _Swedish_ Word _Lap_, signifying _Banished_. +I am very loath my Countrymen should be deceived in such Matters of +Language: And therefore I think my self obliged to let them know, that this +Region derives its Name from the _Lappi_ or _Lappones_, the original +Inhabitants of it, who were People of a rude and blockish Behaviour: The +Word _Lappon_, being equivalent to _barbarous_, and _ignorant_, without the +Knowledge of _Arts_ or _Letters_: And hence it comes, that this Clime has +been ever so proper for the Reception of _Witches_, and Propagation of the +_Conjuring_ Trade. + +There is likewise one Circumstance, that, I own, a little shocks my Belief, +in Relation to a young Lady, who, he says, was _bewitch'd_: nor do I think +told it with that clean Regard to the Lady's Character, which Occurrences +of this Nature require. He says, she was in as bad a Condition, as He who +was possessed with a _whole Legion of Devils_: (An Account, which must of +course alarm her Lovers, and may, possibly, prevent her of good Match.) +When he has related the miraculous Cure made upon Her, by Mr. _Campbell's_ +taking her up into his _Bed-chamber_, he adds, that she stood upright, +drank a Glass of Wine, and evacuated a great deal of Wind. This Charge of +Immodesty upon a young Lady unmarried, is what I can by no Means allow: nor +does the _uncleanly_ Term become the Pen of a _chast_ and _polite_ Writer. +But the Lady shall be vindicated from this Aspersion; for if you consult +all Authors, both Ancient and Modern, no _Virgin_ was ever thought capable +of such an _Indecency_. Nor can I forbear condemning his Want of Judgment, +in refering you to the Lady for the Truth of this: since it is putting his +Reputation upon a Circumstance, which is not consistent with her Modesty to +admit. + +There is another Passage in his Book of singular Mystery: he is pleased to +observe that Things are sometimes foretold by _smelling_, and That by +Persons who are endued with a _Second-Sight_. This smelling of Futurity +would be of notable Use to Statesmen: which brings to my Mind, that +somewhere in an Old Play, the Politician cries, _I smell a Plot_. The +Vulgar too have an Expression, when they speak of a Man they don't like, of +_smelling the Rogue_, and _smelling him out_. These Phrases, no doubt, had +their Original from this Kind of Prediction; and the terms remain, tho' the +Gift be in great Part lost among Men. If this Gentleman could again teach +the Learned to arrive at it, it would be attended with its Inconveniences, +as well as Benefits; for we should have our _Politicians_ running their +Noses into every private Circumstance of Life, and a _Set of State Beagles_ +ever upon the Scent for new Treasons and Conspiracies: on the contrary, +this Advantage might be derived, that an Invasion, which was never +intended, seen, or heard of, might be _smelt out_ by their _unerring +Sagacity_. + +Our Author proceeds to observe that Children, _Horses_, and _Cows_, have +the _Second Sight_ as well as Men and Women; yet at the same Time takes no +Notice of _Hogs_, whom a great Part of the World have allowed to be gifted +with Second Sight, and to be able to foretel Storms, and _windy Weather_. +This appears to me like Prejudice, and does not consist with the Candour of +an unbias'd Author: it looks as if he were carried away with the Humour of +his Country, who are observed to be no Favourers of _Pork_, and therefore +will allow _Hogs_ no Share in _Divination_. + +Indeed, but that I am afraid of being suspected of too much Learning, or +that I would invalidate the Testimonies of this Author, I should be bold to +say, that no Part of the _Brute_ Creation have the Benefit of _Second +Sight_: and that they have neither Organs, nor Reason, to discern, or +distinguish Phantoms, from material Bodies: and therefore the old _Rabins_ +very subtly conjectured, that the _Ass_, which carried _Balaam_, was not a +real Ass, but the _Devil in Disguise_, and subject to the _Magical_ Power +of the _Prophet_. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXV + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _When the Married shall marry, + Then the Jealous will be sorry; + And tho' Fools will be talking, + To keep their Tongues walking, + No Man runs well, I find, + But with's Elbows behind._ + + Nostrad. _in_ Quev. + +Tuesday, _May 10. 1720._ + + +Upon the Perusal of my Motto, I believe my Readers will be puzzled to +comprehend what it is I aim at: It seems to be a perfect Riddle, and if you +read it backward like a _Witches_ Prayer, it will be as easily understood. +Yet let no Man condemn it for that trifling Objection, that he does not +understand it: for, I can assure the World, that it is an old _Prophecy_, +which comprehends many Secrets of Destiny, Stars, and Fate. Tho' the +Vulgar, whose Eyes are shut against these Mysteries, may endeavour to +explode all _Divination_; yet when the Prophecy comes to be fulfilled, they +will confess their own Ignorance, and give an implicit Belief to such +_Revelations_, as are delivered to the Publick by those wise Men, who by +their Art pry into the Cabinet of Futurity, and make to themselves +_Spectacles_ of the _Planets_, by which they are enabled to read the +darkest Page in the Book of _Doomesday_. + +Having, in my last, given some Account of my intended Summer Library, it +cannot appear strange, if I should already have anticipated a Part of my +Pleasure, and dipped into some of the promising Authors I mentioned. The +witty _Quevedo_, in one of his visionary Prospects of Hell, fancies, he +sees an _Astrologer_ creeping upon all Four; with a pair of Compasses +betwixt his Teeth; his Spheres, and Globes about him; his _Jacob's_ Staff +before him; and his Eyes fixed upon the Stars, as if he were taking a +Height, or making an Observation. The Student, after gazing awhile, started +up of a sudden, and wringing his Hands, _Good Lord_! says he, _what an +unlucky Dog was I! If I had come into the World but one_ Half Quarter _of +an_ Hour _sooner, I had beene saved: for just then_ Saturn _shifted, and_ +Mars _was lodged in the_ House of Life. Another Proficient in the same +Art, who was very loth to go to Hell before his Time, had his Tormentors be +sure he was dead: _for_, says he, _I am a little doubtful of it my self; in +Regard that I had_ Jupiter _for my_ Ascendant, _and_ Venus _in the_ House +of Life, _and no_ malevolent Aspect _to cross me. So that by the Rules of_ +Astrology, _I was to live, precisely_, a Hundred and one Years, two Months, +six Days, four Hours, and three Minutes. + +It is plain from such Instances, and many more of equal Demonstration, had +I Leisure to collect them, that the Stars dispose of us as they please, and +have an Influence on every Action of our Lives. They are particularly busy +in the Affairs of Women, and She that, by a too great Love of Society, has +been kind to others besides her own Husband, might have been an Example of +Discretion and Modesty, had she been born a Minute sooner, or later, and +had a more _continent_ Planet for her _Ascendent_. I hope, this will be +sufficient to vindicate the Science from all Suspicions of Imposture. I can +assure my Readers, that I my self saw a _Prophecy_ about _two_ Months +_after_ the Battle of _Hockstadt_, which exactly described that great Event +in all its Circumstances. The same Prophecy foretold, that in seven Years +_Lewis_ the _Fourteenth_ should not have Ground enough to make him a Grave; +and tho' this did not exactly come to pass, it cannot be imputed to the +_Ignorance_ of the Astrologer, but to those _Counsels_ and _Events_ which +would not suffer the Prophecy to take Place. + +I am my self a considerable Proficient in this Study, and have told several +Things that have greatly surprized the Hearers. I am consulted chiefly by +the Ladies, who come to my Lodgings by _Two's_ and by _Three's_; and it is +pleasant to hear them titter, and laugh among themselves, before they +venture to knock at my Door. The young Things come in blushing, and express +all the Fears and Confusions natural to Youth and Innocence: Immediately I +examine them: One tells me, she desires to know _when she shall be +married_; another is as importunate to learn _when she shall be a Widow_: I +interrupt them, by telling one, I know that _she_ is a _married Woman_; and +the other, that _she_ shall soon be _married_. I proceed to ask them +several Questions, which they are very ingenious in answering: And then I +tell them a hundred Things, every one of which they knew to a Tittle +before-hand. The Result is, that they go away frighted and amazed at my +profound Skill; and I often over-hear them saying, that _He certainly must +deal with the Devil, or he could not have told us such and such +Circumstances_. + +But the Excellency of my Skill consists in giving an Account of things +lost: I would not have the Reader suppose that I descend to the trifling +Study of consulting Fate, about _who_ stole a _Spoon_, or _what_ became of +a straggling _Thimble_, Things of which the Stars take no Cognizance. These +Toys I leave to the Six-penny _Philomaths_ of _Moorfields_, and the +_Astrologers_ of _Grub-street_: My Enquiries are a little more sublime. I +account for Things which some lose, and no other finds; of this Nature are +the _Maidenheads_ of _Women_, and the _Honour_ of _Great Men_. They, who +are short-sighted in the Sciences, cannot see they fly up to the _Moon_, +from whence they never return, as the learned _Ariosta_ discovered before +me: And therefore it is an Absurdity in our Language, and ought to be +corrected, when we say of Things which we cannot account for, _I know no +more than the_ Man _in the_ Moon. + +Astrology consists of many Branches, which the Learned, who have travelled +thro' the Spheres, very well know; and every Proficient takes the Road +which he likes best. A Student, now living, has made great Discoveries +concerning the Duration of this _Earthly Globe_; and tho' by his Art he +found out, it could not last above _Ten_ Years, yet being a good +Protestant, and to shew his great Trust in Government Securities, he +purchased an Annuity for _Ninety and Nine_ Years, and, 'tis thought, means +to leave the _Reversion_ of it to the Poor till _Doomesday_. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where +Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in. + + + + +Numb. XXVI. + +THE + +THEATRE. + +By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_. + +_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday. + +Price Two-pence. + + _--Jam nunc debentia dici + Pleraq; differat, & praesens in tempus omittat._ + + Hor. + +Saturday, _May 14. 1720._ + + +My first Entertainment in a Morning is to throw my Eyes over the Papers of +the Day, by which I am informed, with very little Trouble, how Things are +carried in the great World. I look upon the printed News to be the +Histories of the Times, in which the candid and ingenious Authors, out of a +strict Regard to Truth, deliver Facts in such ambiguous Terms, that when +you read of a Battle betwixt Count _Mercy_, and the Marquis _De Lede_, you +may give the Victory to that Side, which your private Inclination most +favours. I have seen in one Paragraph the precise number of the _kill'd_ +and _wounded_ adjusted; and in the next, the Author seems doubtful in his +Opinion, whether there has been any Battle fought. In Domestick Affairs, +our Writers are somewhat more bold in their Intelligence; and relate Things +with a greater Air of Certainty, when they lie most under the Suspition of +delivering false History. Thus it happens, that I have seen a great Fortune +_married_ in the _Evening Post_ two Years after her _Death_; and a Man of +Quality has had an _Heir laid to him_, before he himself, or the Town, ever +knew that he was married. Thus they _kill_ and _marry_ whom they please, +knowing well, that every Circumstance, whether true, or false, serves to +fill up a _Paragraph_. + +As nothing can effect the Safety, and Welfare of the People, so much as the +_Resolutions_ of our _House_ of _Commons_, I read over the _Votes_ with a +diligent Concern. 'Tis there that every Man aggrieved is to find Redress; +from their Proceedings is it, that Peace abroad, or Unity at home, must be +expected: and should they be byass'd, or deceived, their Error must involve +Millions in Misfortunes. _Horace's_ Observation has ever prevailed, and +will continue to do so, while this is a World. _Delirant Reges, plectuntur +Achivi._ + +I read a Resolution of that Honourable House lately, which gave me no +little satisfaction, and which I had long expected from their Wisdom: viz. +that all Methods of raising Money by _Voluntary Subscriptions_ are +prejudicial to _Trade_. This is a Truth which every Man in Trade has +already felt; and yet, tis amazing to observe how little Effect it has had +upon the Publick. Whereas by this Resolution it should have been expected, +that such prejudicial Subscriptions were worth nothing, the Price of these +_Bubbles_ immediately rose, and their Reputation and Number of Subscribers +encreased in a greater Proportion, than before they were under any Censure +from the State: It is hard to account for this Paradox: either the +Authority of Parliament has become a Jest, or we are under the strongest +Infatuation that these Kingdoms ever felt. + +I am unwilling to publish the Reasons, which an intelligent Person gave me, +for such Consequences: Because it would not do Honour to certain Persons, +by whose Interest it is expected, that _Charters_ are to be obtain'd. As to +the Great _Bubble_, which as open'd a Subscription, where every Man is to +pay _five_ Times the Value of what he purchases, a Gentleman, who is very +conversant in Trade, informs me, that the Foreigners, who have Original +Stocks to a very great Value, have already sent Commissions to have it all +sold, when it comes to this extravagant Price. By this Means, they will +have Opportunities of draining the Nation of its current Coin. I suppose, +it will be answer'd, that the _Exportation_ of _Coin_ is provided against +by _Statutes_; it is granted; and so is the Exportation of _Wooll_: Yet we +are all sensible, the Law is transgress'd every Day in this Point: And it +must be allowed, that Money may be as easily _smuggled_ as any Commodity +whatsoever. The Consequence of this will be, that a Circulation of _Paper_ +must be set on Foot to supply the Want of _ready Money_: And then, as I +have read in a very witty Author, _a_ Crown-Piece _will be shewn about as +an_ Elephant, _and_ Guineas _will be stiled of_ Blessed Memory. + +Without being deeply learned in Trade, this appears to me a natural +Consequence: Yet, notwithstanding all that can be said, I find the giddy +Multitude resolute to forsake the profitable Paths of Industry, to grasp +only at _Bubbles_ and _Shadows_. This calls to my Mind the Fable of +_Jupiter_ and the _Old Woman_. The indulgent God gave the Woman a _Hen_, +which laid a _Golden Egg_ every Day: She, not content with this slow Way of +growing rich, and being curs'd with a foolish Avarice, thought a Mine of +Golden Eggs must be lodged in the Hen's Belly: But, killing the Bird, she +found only common Entrails, and lost at once the _expected Treasure_, and +the Advantage which she reaped before, by its laying every Day. + +But it is Time to have done with these Discourses; the World is obstinate +in the Pursuit of Follies, and not to be reclaimed either by the Authority +of Parliaments, or good Sense: It is not so much the Consideration of this, +as the Season being so far advanced, which now induces me to lay down my +Pen. My Thoughts and Desires, I must own, are turn'd to Solitude and rural +Pleasures. The Man, who desires to have his Body in Health, should rise +from Table with some Remains of Appetite, and not be covetous of gorging to +Satiety: So a Writer, who would not wish to surfeit the Town, should submit +to give over Writing, before they begin to think he has harass'd them too +long. + +The gay Part of the World are every Day retreating from the Field of +Business; and going with their Families into Summer Quarters. I look upon +my self in the State of a _Roman_ General, who has made a vigorous and +successful Campaign, and is now returning Home to take his _Triumph_. I am +retiring to the Village, in which my Family for some Ages have made no +inconsiderable Figure, and know I shall be received not with the single +Respect due to my Name and Quality, but as the Person who ingaged the late +memorable Sir _John Edgar_. If Health and Fortune permit, next Season, I +shall again propagate my Character in the Town; in the mean Time, to make +my self the more conspicuous, I have ordered my _Lucubrations_ to be +printed in a _small_ Volumn, and to have one of the Books sent down after +me, which shall be chained in my Library, and go along with the +_Mansion-House_ from Generation to Generation, as a lasting Monument in +Honour of the Name and Erudition of Sir _John Falstaffe_. + + * * * * * + +Printed for W. 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Be sure to become +a subscriber; and take it upon yourself to see that your college library is +on the mailing list." + +The Augustan Reprint Society is a non-profit, scholarly organization, run +without overhead expense. By careful management it is able to offer at +least six publications each year at the unusually low membership fee of +$2.50 per year in the United States and Canada, and $2.75 in Great Britain +and the continent. + +Libraries as well as individuals are eligible for membership. Since the +publications are issued without profit, however, no discount can be allowed +to libraries, agents, or booksellers. + +New members may still obtain a complete run of the first year's +publications for $2.50, the annual membership fee. + +During the first two years the publications are issued in three series: I. +Essays on Wit; II. Essays on Poetry and Language; and III. Essays on the +Stage. + + + + +PUBLICATIONS FOR THE FIRST YEAR (1946-1947) + +MAY, 1946: Series I, No. 1--Richard Blackmore's _Essay upon Wit_ (1716), +and Addison's _Freeholder_ No. 45 (1716). + +JULY, 1946: Series II, No. 1--Samuel Cobb's _Of Poetry and Discourse on +Criticism_ (1707). + +SEPT., 1946: Series III, No. 1--Anon., _Letter to A.H. Esq.; concerning the +Stage_ (1698), and Richard Willis' _Occasional Paper_ No. IX (1698). + +NOV., 1946: Series I, No. 2--Anon., _Essay on Wit_ (1748), together with +Characters by Flecknoe, and Joseph Warton's _Adventurer_ Nos. 127 and 133. + +JAN., 1947: Series II, No. 2--Samuel Wesley's _Epistle to a Friend +Concerning Poetry_ (1700) and _Essay on Heroic Poetry_ (1693). + +MARCH, 1947: Series III, No. 2--Anon., _Representation of the Impiety and +Immorality of the Stage_ (1704) and anon., _Some Thoughts Concerning the +Stage_ (1704). + + +PUBLICATIONS FOR THE SECOND YEAR (1947-1948) + +MAY, 1947: Series I, No. 3--John Gay's _The Present State of Wit_; and a +section on Wit from _The English Theophrastus_. With an Introduction by +Donald Bond. + +JULY, 1947: Series II, No. 3--Rapin's _De Carmine Pastorali_, translated by +Creech. With an Introduction by J.E. Congleton. + +SEPT., 1947: Series III, No. 3--T. Hanmer's (?) _Some Remarks on the +Tragedy of Hamlet_. With an Introduction by Clarence D. Thorpe. + +NOV., 1947: Series I, No. 4--Corbyn Morris' _Essay towards Fixing the True +Standards of Wit_, etc. With an Introduction by James L. Clifford. + +JAN., 1948: Series II, No. 4--Thomas Purney's _Discourse on the Pastoral_. +With an Introduction by Earl Wasserman. + +MARCH, 1948: Series III, No. 4--Essays on the Stage, selected, with an +Introduction by Joseph Wood Krutch. + + +The list of publications is subject to modification in response to +requests by members. From time to time Bibliographical Notes will be +included in the issues. Each issue contains an Introduction by a scholar of +special competence in the field represented. + +The Augustan Reprints are available only to members. They will never be +offered at "remainder" prices. + + +GENERAL EDITORS + +RICHARD C. BOYS, University of Michigan +EDWARD NILES HOOKER, University of California, Los Angeles +H.T. 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