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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/15994-8.txt b/15994-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3c0689d --- /dev/null +++ b/15994-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10233 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Reckless Character, by Ivan Turgenev + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Reckless Character + And Other Stories + +Author: Ivan Turgenev + +Translator: Isabel Hapgood + +Release Date: June 6, 2005 [EBook #15994] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A RECKLESS CHARACTER *** + + + + +Produced by Dave Kline, Tapio Riikonen and PG Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + +A RECKLESS CHARACTER + +And Other Stories + + +BY + +IVÁN TURGÉNIEFF + + +Translated from the Russian by +ISABEL F. HAPGOOD + + +NEW YORK, CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS, 1907. + + + +CONTENTS: + +A RECKLESS CHARACTER +THE DREAM +FATHER ALEXYÉI'S STORY +OLD PORTRAITS +THE SONG OF LOVE TRIUMPHANT +CLARA MÍLITCH +POEMS IN PROSE +ENDNOTES + + + + + + +A RECKLESS CHARACTER[1] + +(1881) + + + + +I + + +There were eight of us in the room, and we were discussing contemporary +matters and persons, + +"I do not understand these gentlemen!" remarked A.--"They are fellows of +a reckless sort.... Really, desperate.... There has never been anything +of the kind before." + +"Yes, there has," put in P., a grey-haired old man, who had been born +about the twenties of the present century;--"there were reckless men in +days gone by also. Some one said of the poet Yázykoff, that he had +enthusiasm which was not directed to anything, an objectless enthusiasm; +and it was much the same with those people--their recklessness was +without an object. But see here, if you will permit me, I will narrate +to you the story of my grandnephew, Mísha Pólteff. It may serve as a +sample of the recklessness of those days." + +He made his appearance in God's daylight in the year 1828, I remember, +on his father's ancestral estate, in one of the most remote nooks of a +remote government of the steppes. I still preserve a distinct +recollection of Mísha's father, Andréi Nikoláevitch Pólteff. He was a +genuine, old-fashioned landed proprietor, a pious inhabitant of the +steppes, sufficiently well educated,--according to the standards of that +epoch,--rather crack-brained, if the truth must be told, and subject, in +addition, to epileptic fits.... That also is an old-fashioned malady.... +However, Andréi Nikoláevitch's attacks were quiet, and they generally +terminated in a sleep and in a fit of melancholy.--He was kind of heart, +courteous in manner, not devoid of some pomposity: I have always +pictured to myself the Tzar Mikhaíl Feódorovitch as just that sort of a +man. + +Andréi Nikoláevitch's whole life flowed past in the punctual discharge +of all the rites established since time immemorial, in strict conformity +with all the customs of ancient-orthodox, Holy-Russian life. He rose and +went to bed, he ate and went to the bath, he waxed merry or wrathful (he +did both the one and the other rarely, it is true), he even smoked his +pipe, he even played cards (two great innovations!), not as suited his +fancy, not after his own fashion, but in accordance with the rule and +tradition handed down from his ancestors, in proper and dignified style. +He himself was tall of stature, of noble mien and brawny; he had a +quiet and rather hoarse voice, as is frequently the case with virtuous +Russians; he was neat about his linen and his clothing, wore white +neckerchiefs and long-skirted coats of snuff-brown hue, but his noble +blood made itself manifest notwithstanding; no one would have taken him +for a priest's son or a merchant! Andréi Nikoláevitch always knew, in +all possible circumstances and encounters, precisely how he ought to act +and exactly what expressions he must employ; he knew when he ought to +take medicine, and what medicine to take, which symptoms he should heed +and which might be disregarded ... in a word, he knew everything that it +was proper to do.... It was as though he said: "Everything has been +foreseen and decreed by the old men--the only thing is not to devise +anything of your own.... And the chief thing of all is, don't go even as +far as the threshold without God's blessing!"--I am bound to admit that +deadly tedium reigned in his house, in those low-ceiled, warm, dark +rooms which so often resounded from the chanting of vigils and +prayer-services,[2] with an odour of incense and fasting-viands,[3] +which almost never left them! + +Andréi Nikoláevitch had married, when he was no longer in his first +youth, a poor young noblewoman of the neighbourhood, a very nervous and +sickly person, who had been reared in one of the government institutes +for gentlewomen. She played far from badly on the piano; she spoke +French in boarding-school fashion; she was given to enthusiasm, and +still more addicted to melancholy, and even to tears.... In a word, she +was of an uneasy character. As she considered that her life had been +ruined, she could not love her husband, who, "as a matter of course," +did not understand her; but she respected, she tolerated him; and as she +was a thoroughly honest and perfectly cold being, she never once so much +as thought of any other "object." Moreover, she was constantly engrossed +by anxieties: in the first place, over her really feeble health; in the +second place, over the health of her husband, whose fits always inspired +her with something akin to superstitious terror; and, in conclusion, +over her only son, Mísha, whom she reared herself with great zeal. +Andréi Nikoláevitch did not prevent his wife's busying herself with +Mísha--but on one condition: she was never, under any circumstances, to +depart from the limits, which had been defined once for all, wherein +everything in his house must revolve! Thus, for example: during the +Christmas holidays and Vasíly's evening preceding the New Year, Mísha +was not only permitted to dress up in costume along with the other +"lads,"--doing so was even imposed upon him as an obligation....[4] +On the other hand, God forbid that he should do it at any other time! +And so forth, and so forth. + + + + +II + + +I remember this Mísha at the age of thirteen. He was a very comely lad +with rosy little cheeks and soft little lips (and altogether he was soft +and plump), with somewhat prominent, humid eyes; carefully brushed and +coifed--a regular little girl!--There was only one thing about him which +displeased me: he laughed rarely; but when he did laugh his teeth, which +were large, white, and pointed like those of a wild animal, displayed +themselves unpleasantly; his very laugh had a sharp and even +fierce--almost brutal--ring to it; and evil flashes darted athwart his +eyes. His mother always boasted of his being so obedient and polite, and +that he was not fond of consorting with naughty boys, but always was +more inclined to feminine society. + +"He is his mother's son, an effeminate fellow," his father, Andréi +Nikoláevitch, was wont to say of him:--"but, on the other hand, he +likes to go to God's church.... And that delights me." + +Only one old neighbour, a former commissary of the rural police, once +said in my presence concerning Mísha:--"Good gracious! he will turn out +a rebel." And I remember that that word greatly surprised me at the +time. The former commissary of police, it is true, had a habit of +descrying rebels everywhere. + +Just this sort of exemplary youth did Mísha remain until the age of +eighteen,--until the death of his parents, whom he lost on almost one +and the same day. As I resided constantly in Moscow, I heard nothing +about my young relative. Some one who came to town from his government +did, it is true, inform me that Mísha had sold his ancestral estate for +a song; but this bit of news seemed to me altogether too +incredible!--And lo! suddenly, one autumn morning, into the courtyard of +my house dashes a calash drawn by a pair of splendid trotters, with a +monstrous coachman on the box; and in the calash, wrapped in a cloak of +military cut with a two-arshín[5] beaver collar, and a fatigue-cap over +one ear--_à la diable m'emporte_--sits Mísha! + +On catching sight of me (I was standing at the drawing-room window and +staring in amazement at the equipage which had dashed in), he burst into +his sharp laugh, and jauntily shaking the lapels of his cloak, he +sprang out of the calash and ran into the house. + +"Mísha! Mikhaíl Andréevitch!" I was beginning ... "is it you?" + +"Call me 'thou' and 'Mísha,'" he interrupted me.--"'Tis I ... 'tis I, in +person.... I have come to Moscow ... to take a look at people ... and to +show myself. So I have dropped in on you.--What do you think of my +trotters?... Hey?" Again he laughed loudly. + +Although seven years had elapsed since I had seen Mísha for the last +time, yet I recognised him on the instant.--His face remained thoroughly +youthful and as comely as of yore; his moustache had not even sprouted; +but under his eyes on his cheeks a puffiness had made its appearance, +and an odour of liquor proceeded from his mouth. + +"And hast thou been long in Moscow?" I inquired.--"I supposed that thou +wert off there in the country, managing thy estate...." + +"Eh! I immediately got rid of the village!--As soon as my parents +died,--may the kingdom of heaven be theirs,"--(Mísha crossed himself +with sincerity, without the slightest hypocrisy)--"I instantly, without +the slightest delay ... _ein, zwei, drei_! Ha-ha! I let it go cheap, the +rascally thing! Such a scoundrel turned up.--Well, never mind! At all +events, I shall live at my ease--and amuse others.--But why do you stare +at me so?--Do you really think that I ought to have spun the affair out +indefinitely?... My dear relative, can't I have a drink?" + +Mísha talked with frightful rapidity, hurriedly and at the same time as +though half asleep. + +"Good mercy, Mísha!"--I shouted: "Have the fear of God before thine +eyes! How dreadful is thine aspect, in what a condition thou art! And +thou wishest another drink! And to sell such a fine estate for a +song!..." + +"I always fear God and remember him," he caught me up.--"And he 's +good--God, I mean.... He'll forgive! And I also am good.... I have never +injured any one in my life as yet. And a drink is good also; and as for +hurting ... it won't hurt anybody, either. And as for my looks, they are +all right.... If thou wishest, uncle, I'll walk a line on the floor. Or +shall I dance a bit?" + +"Akh, please drop that!--What occasion is there for dancing? Thou hadst +better sit down." + +"I don't mind sitting down.... But why don't you say something about my +greys? Just look at them, they're regular lions! I'm hiring them for the +time being, but I shall certainly buy them together with the coachman. +It is incomparably cheaper to own one's horses. And I did have the +money, but I dropped it last night at faro.--Never mind, I'll retrieve +my fortunes to-morrow. Uncle ... how about that drink?" + +I still could not collect myself.--"Good gracious! Mísha, how old art +thou? Thou shouldst not be occupying thyself with horses, or with +gambling ... thou shouldst enter the university or the service." + +Mísha first roared with laughter again, then he emitted a prolonged +whistle. + +"Well, uncle, I see that thou art in a melancholy frame of mind just +now. I'll call another time.--But see here: just look in at Sokólniki[6] +some evening. I have pitched my tent there. The Gipsies sing.... Well, +well! One can hardly restrain himself! And on the tent there is a +pennant, and on the pennant is written in bi-i-ig letters: 'The Band of +Poltéva[7] Gipsies.' The pennant undulates like a serpent; the letters +are gilded; any one can easily read them. The entertainment is whatever +any one likes!... They refuse nothing. It has kicked up a dust all over +Moscow ... my respects.... Well? Will you come? I've got a Gipsy +there--a regular asp! Black as my boot, fierce as a dog, and eyes ... +regular coals of fire! One can't possibly make out whether she is +kissing or biting.... Will you come, uncle?... Well, farewell for the +present!" + +And abruptly embracing me and kissing me with a smack on my shoulder, +Mísha darted out into the court to his calash, waving his cap over his +head, and uttering a yell; the monstrous coachman[8] bestowed upon him +an oblique glance across his beard, the trotters dashed forward, and all +disappeared! + +On the following day, sinful man that I am, I did go to Sokólniki, and +actually did see the tent with the pennant and the inscription. The +tent-flaps were raised; an uproar, crashing, squealing, proceeded +thence. A crowd of people thronged around it. On the ground, on an +outspread rug, sat the Gipsy men and Gipsy women, singing, and thumping +tambourines; and in the middle of them, with a guitar in his hands, clad +in a red-silk shirt and full trousers of velvet, Mísha was gyrating like +a whirligig.--"Gentlemen! Respected sirs! Pray enter! The performance is +about to begin! Free!"--he was shouting in a cracked voice.--"Hey there! +Champagne! Bang! In the forehead! On the ceiling! Akh, thou rascal, Paul +de Kock!"--Luckily, he did not catch sight of me, and I hastily beat a +retreat. + +I shall not dilate, gentlemen, on my amazement at the sight of such a +change. And, as a matter of fact, how could that peaceable, modest lad +suddenly turn into a tipsy good-for-nothing? Was it possible that all +this had been concealed within him since his childhood, and had +immediately come to the surface as soon as the weight of parental +authority had been removed from him?--And that he had kicked up a dust +in Moscow, as he had expressed it, there could be no possible doubt, +either. I had seen rakes in my day; but here something frantic, some +frenzy of self-extermination, some sort of recklessness, had made itself +manifest! + + + + +III + + +This diversion lasted for two months.... And lo! again I am standing at +the window of the drawing-room and looking out into the courtyard.... +Suddenly--what is this?... Through the gate with quiet step enters a +novice.... His conical cap is pulled down on his brow, his hair is +combed smoothly and flows from under it to right and left ... he wears a +long cassock and a leather girdle.... Can it be Mísha? It is! + +I go out on the steps to meet him.... "What is the meaning of this +masquerade?" I ask. + +"It is not a masquerade, uncle," Mísha answers me, with a deep +sigh;--"but as I have squandered all my property to the last kopék, and +as a mighty repentance has seized upon me, I have made up my mind to +betake myself to the Tróitzko-Sérgieva Lávra,[9] to pray away my sins. +For what asylum is now left to me?... And so I have come to bid you +farewell, uncle, like the Prodigal Son...." + +I gazed intently at Mísha. His face was the same as ever, fresh and rosy +(by the way, it never changed to the very end), and his eyes were humid +and caressing and languishing, and his hands were small and white.... +But he reeked of liquor. + +"Very well!" I said at last: "It is a good move if there is no other +issue. But why dost thou smell of liquor?" + +"Old habit," replied Mísha, and suddenly burst out laughing, but +immediately caught himself up, and making a straight, low, monastic +obeisance, he added:--"Will not you contribute something for the +journey? For I am going to the monastery on foot...." + +"When?" + +"To-day ... at once." + +"Why art thou in such a hurry?" + +"Uncle! my motto has always been 'Hurry! Hurry!'" + +"But what is thy motto now?" + +"It is the same now.... Only '_Hurry_--to good!'" + +So Mísha went away, leaving me to meditate over the mutability of human +destinies. + +But he speedily reminded me of his existence. A couple of months after +his visit I received a letter from him,--the first of those letters with +which he afterward favoured me. And note this peculiarity: I have rarely +beheld a neater, more legible handwriting than was possessed by this +unmethodical man. The style of his letters also was very regular, and +slightly florid. The invariable appeals for assistance alternated with +promises of amendment, with honourable words and with oaths.... All this +appeared to be--and perhaps was--sincere. Mísha's signature at the end +of his letters was always accompanied by peculiar flourishes, lines and +dots, and he used a great many exclamation-points. In that first letter +Mísha informed me of a new "turn in his fortune." (Later on he called +these turns "dives" ... and he dived frequently.) He had gone off to the +Caucasus to serve the Tzar and fatherland "with his breast," in the +capacity of a yunker. And although a certain benevolent aunt had +commiserated his poverty-stricken condition and had sent him an +insignificant sum, nevertheless he asked me to help him to equip +himself. I complied with his request, and for a period of two years +thereafter I heard nothing about him. I must confess that I entertained +strong doubts as to his having gone to the Caucasus. But it turned out +that he really had gone thither, had entered the T---- regiment as +yunker, through influence, and had served in it those two years. Whole +legends were fabricated there about him. One of the officers in his +regiment communicated them to me. + + + + +IV + + +I learned a great deal which I had not expected from him. I was not +surprised, of course, that he had proved to be a poor, even a downright +worthless military man and soldier; but what I had not expected was, +that he had displayed no special bravery; that in battle he wore a +dejected and languid aspect, as though he were partly bored, partly +daunted. All discipline oppressed him, inspired him with sadness; he was +audacious to recklessness when it was a question of himself personally; +there was no wager too crazy for him to accept; but do evil to others, +kill, fight, he could not, perhaps because he had a good heart,--and +perhaps because his "cotton-wool" education (as he expressed it) had +enervated him. He was ready to exterminate himself in any sort of way at +any time.... But others--no. "The devil only can make him out," his +comrades said of him:--"he's puny, a rag---and what a reckless fellow he +is--a regular dare-devil!"--I happened afterward to ask Mísha what evil +spirit prompted him, made him indulge in drinking-bouts, risk his life, +and so forth. He always had one answer: "Spleen." + +"But why hast thou spleen?" + +"Just because I have, good gracious! One comes to himself, recovers his +senses, and begins to meditate about poverty, about injustice, about +Russia.... Well, and that settles it! Immediately one feels such spleen +that he is ready to send a bullet into his forehead! One goes on a +carouse instinctively." + +"But why hast thou mixed up Russia with this?" + +"What else could I do? Nothing!--That's why I am afraid to think." + +"All that--that spleen--comes of thy idleness." + +"But I don't know how to do anything, uncle! My dear relative! Here now, +if it were a question of taking and staking my life on a card,--losing +my all and shooting myself, bang! in the neck!--I can do that!--Here +now, tell me what to do, what to risk my life for.--I'll do it this very +minute!..." + +"But do thou simply live.... Why risk thy life?" + +"I can't!--You will tell me that I behave recklessly. What else can I +do?... One begins to think--and, O Lord, what comes into his head! 'T is +only the Germans who think!..." + +What was the use of arguing with him? He was a reckless man--and that is +all there is to say! + +I will repeat to you two or three of the Caucasian legends to which I +have alluded. One day, in the company of the officers, Mísha began to +brag of a Circassian sabre which he had obtained in barter.--"A genuine +Persian blade!"--The officers expressed doubt as to whether it were +really genuine. Mísha began to dispute.--"See here," he exclaimed at +last,--"they say that the finest judge of Circassian sabres is one-eyed +Abdulka. I will go to him and ask."--The officers were dumbfounded. + +"What Abdulka? The one who lives in the mountains? The one who is not at +peace with us? Abdul-Khan?" + +"The very man." + +"But he will take thee for a scout, he will place thee in the +bug-house,--or he will cut off thy head with that same sabre. And how +wilt thou make thy way to him? They will seize thee immediately." + +"But I will go to him, nevertheless." + +"We bet that thou wilt not go!" + +"I take your bet!" + +And Mísha instantly saddled his horse and rode off to Abdulka. He was +gone for three days. All were convinced that he had come to some +dreadful end. And behold! he came back, somewhat tipsy, and with a +sabre, only not the one which he had carried away with him, but +another. They began to question him. + +"It's all right," said he. "Abdulka is a kind man. At first he really +did order fetters to be riveted on my legs, and was even preparing to +impale me on a stake. But I explained to him why I had come. 'Do not +expect any ransom from me,' said I. 'I haven't a farthing to my +name--and I have no relatives.'--Abdulka was amazed; he stared at me +with his solitary eye.-'Well,' says he, 'thou art the chief of heroes, +Russian! Am I to believe thee?'--'Believe me,' said I; 'I never lie' +(and Mísha really never did lie).--Abdulka looked at me again.-'And dost +thou know how to drink wine?'-'I do,' said I; 'as much as thou wilt +give, so much will I drink.'--Again Abdulka was astonished, and +mentioned Allah. And then he ordered his daughter, or some pretty +maiden, whoever she was,--anyhow, she had the gaze of a jackal,--to +fetch a leathern bottle of wine.--And I set to work.--'But thy sabre is +spurious,' says he; 'here, take this genuine one. And now thou and I are +friends.'--And you have lost your wager, gentlemen, so pay up." + +A second legend concerning Mísha runs as follows. He was passionately +fond of cards; but as he had no money and did not pay his gambling debts +(although he was never a sharper), no one would any longer sit down to +play with him. So one day he began to importune a brother officer, and +insisted upon the latter's playing with him. + +"But thou wilt be sure to lose, and thou wilt not pay." + +"I will not pay in money, that's true--but I will shoot a hole through +my left hand with this pistol here!" + +"But what profit is there for me in that?" + +"No profit whatever--but it's a curious thing, nevertheless." + +This conversation took place after a carouse, in the presence of +witnesses. Whether Mísha's proposal really did strike the officer as +curious or not,--at all events, he consented. The cards were brought, +the game began. Mísha was lucky; he won one hundred rubles. And +thereupon his opponent smote himself on the forehead. + +"What a blockhead I am!" he cried.--"On what a bait was I caught! If +thou hadst lost, much thou wouldst have shot thyself through the +hand!--so it's just an assault on my pocket!" + +"That's where thou art mistaken," retorted Mísha:--"I have won--but I'll +shoot the hole through my hand." + +He seized his pistol, and bang! shot himself through the hand. The +bullet went clear through ... and a week later the wound was completely +healed! + +On another occasion still, Mísha is riding along the road by night with +his comrades.... And they see yawning, right by the side of the road, a +narrow ravine in the nature of a cleft, dark, very dark, and the bottom +of it not visible. + +"Here now," says one comrade, "Mísha is reckless enough about some +things, but he will not leap into this ravine." + +"Yes, I will!" + +"No, thou wilt not, because it is, probably, ten fathoms deep, and thou +mightest break thy neck." + +His friend knew how to attack him--through his vanity.... Mísha had a +great deal of it. + +"But I will leap, nevertheless! Wilt thou bet on it? Ten rubles." + +"All right!" + +And before his comrade had managed to finish the last word Mísha flew +off his horse into the ravine, and crashed down on the stones. They were +all fairly petrified with horror.... A good minute passed, and they +heard Mísha's voice proceeding as though from the bowels of the earth, +and very dull: + +"I'm whole! I landed on sand.... But the descent was long! Ten rubles on +you!" + +"Climb out!" shouted his comrades. + +"Yes, climb out!"--returned Mísha. "Damn it! One can't climb out of +here! You will have to ride off now for ropes and lanterns. And in the +meanwhile, so that I may not find the waiting tedious, toss me down a +flask...." + +And so Mísha had to sit for five hours at the bottom of the ravine; and +when they dragged him out, it appeared that he had a dislocated +shoulder. But this did not daunt him in the least. On the following day +a blacksmith bone-setter set his shoulder, and he used it as though +nothing were the matter. + +Altogether, his health was remarkable, unprecedented. I have already +told you that until his death he preserved an almost childish freshness +of complexion. He did not know what it was to be ill, in spite of all +his excesses; the vigour of his constitution was not affected in a +single instance. Where any other man would have fallen dangerously ill, +or even have died, he merely shook himself like a duck in the water, and +became more blooming than ever. Once--that also was in the Caucasus.... +This legend is improbable, it is true, but from it one can judge what +Mísha was regarded as capable of doing.... So then, once, in the +Caucasus, when in a state of intoxication, he fell into a small stream +that covered the lower part of his body; his head and arms remained +exposed on the bank. The affair took place in winter; a rigorous frost +set in; and when he was found on the following morning, his legs and +body were visible beneath a stout crust of ice which had frozen over in +the course of the night--and he never even had a cold in the head in +consequence! On another occasion (this happened in Russia, near +Orél,[10] and also during a severe frost), he chanced to go to a +suburban eating-house in company with seven young theological students. +These theological students were celebrating their graduation +examination, and had invited Mísha, as a charming fellow, "a man with a +sigh," as it was called then. They drank a great deal; and when, at +last, the merry crew were preparing to depart, Mísha, dead drunk, was +found to be already in a state of unconsciousness. The whole seven +theological students had between them only one tróika sledge with a high +back;[11]--where were they to put the helpless body? Then one of the +young men, inspired by classical reminiscences, suggested that Mísha be +tied by the feet to the back of the sledge, as Hector was to the chariot +of Achilles! The suggestion was approved ... and bouncing over the +hummocks, sliding sideways down the declivities, with his feet strung up +in the air, and his head dragging through the snow, our Mísha traversed +on his back the distance of two versts which separated the restaurant +from the town, and never even so much as coughed or frowned. With such +marvellous health had nature endowed him! + + + + +V + + +Leaving the Caucasus, he presented himself once more in Moscow, in a +Circassian coat, with cartridge-pouches on the breast, a dagger in his +belt, and a tall fur cap on his head. From this costume he did not part +until the end, although he was no longer in the military service, from +which he had been dismissed for not reporting on time. He called on me, +borrowed a little money ... and then began his "divings," his progress +through the tribulations,[12] or, as he expressed it, "through the seven +Semyóns";[13] then began his sudden absences and returns, the +despatching of beautifully-written letters addressed to all possible +persons, beginning with the Metropolitan and ending with riding-masters +and midwives! Then began the visits to acquaintances and strangers! And +here is one point which must be noted: in making his calls he did not +cringe and did not importune; but, on the contrary, he behaved himself +in decorous fashion, and even wore a cheery and pleasant aspect, +although an ingrained odour of liquor accompanied him everywhere--and +his Oriental costume was gradually reduced to rags. + +"Give--God will reward you--although I do not deserve it," he was +accustomed to say, smiling brightly and blushing openly. "If you do not +give, you will be entirely in the right, and I shall not be angry in the +least. I shall support myself. God will provide! For there are many, +very many people who are poorer and more worthy than I!" + +Mísha enjoyed particular success with women; he understood how to arouse +their compassion. And do not think that he was or imagined himself to be +a Lovelace.... Oh, no! In that respect he was very modest. Whether he +had inherited from his parents such cold blood, or whether herein was +expressed his disinclination to do evil to any one,--since, according to +his ideas, to consort with a woman means inevitably to insult the +woman,--I will not take it upon myself to decide; only, in his relations +with the fair sex he was extremely delicate. The women felt this, and +all the more willingly did they pity and aid him until he, at last, +repelled them by his sprees and hard drinking, by the recklessness of +which I have already spoken.... I cannot hit upon any other word. + +On the other hand, in other respects he had already lost all delicacy +and had gradually descended to the extreme depths of degradation. He +once went so far that in the Assembly of Nobility of T---- he placed on +the table a jug with the inscription: + +"Any one who finds it agreeable to tweak the nose of hereditary +nobleman[14] Pólteff (whose authentic documents are herewith appended) +may satisfy his desire, on condition that he puts a ruble in this jug." + +And it is said that there were persons who did care to tweak the +nobleman's nose! It is true that he first all but throttled one amateur +who, having put but one ruble in the jug, tweaked his nose twice, and +then made him sue for pardon; it is true also that he immediately +distributed to other tatterdemalions a portion of the money thus +secured ... but, nevertheless, what outrageous conduct! + +In the course of his wanderings through the seven Semyóns he had also +reached his ancestral nest, which he had sold for a song to a speculator +and usurer well known at that period. The speculator was at home, and on +learning of the arrival of the former owner, who had been transformed +into a tramp, he gave orders that he was not to be admitted into the +house, and that in case of need he was to be flung out by the scruff of +the neck. Mísha declared that he would not enter the house, defiled as +it was by the presence of a scoundrel; that he would allow no one to +throw him out; but that he was on his way to the churchyard to salute +the dust of his ancestors. This he did. At the churchyard he was joined +by an old house-serf, who had formerly been his man-nurse. The +speculator had deprived the old man of his monthly stipend and expelled +him from the home farm; from that time forth the man sought shelter in +the kennel of a peasant. Mísha had managed his estate for so short a +time that he had not succeeded in leaving behind him a specially good +memory of himself; but the old servitor had not been able to resist, +nevertheless, and on hearing of his young master's arrival, he had +immediately hastened to the churchyard, had found Mísha seated on the +ground among the mortuary stones, had begged leave to kiss his hand in +memory of old times, and had even melted into tears as he gazed at the +rags wherewith the once petted limbs of his nursling were swathed. Mísha +looked long and in silence at the old man. + +"Timoféi!" he said at last. + +Timoféi gave a start. + +"What do you wish?" + +"Hast thou a spade?" + +"I can get one.... But what do you want with a spade, Mikhaílo +Andréitch?" + +"I want to dig a grave for myself here, Timoféi; and lie down here +forever between my parents. For this is the only spot which is left to +me in the world. Fetch the spade!" + +"I obey," said Timoféi; and went off and brought it. + +And Mísha immediately began to dig up the earth, while Timoféi stood by +with his chin propped on his hand, repeating: "That's the only thing +left for thee and me, master!" + +And Mísha dug and dug, inquiring from time to time: "Life isn't worth +living, is it, Timoféi?" + +"It is not, dear little father." + +The hole had already grown fairly deep. People saw Mísha's work and ran +to report about it to the speculator-owner. At first the speculator flew +into a rage, and wanted to send for the police. "What hypocrisy!" he +said. But afterward, reflecting, probably, that it would be inconvenient +to have a row with that lunatic, and that a scandal might be the result, +he betook himself in person to the churchyard, and approaching the +toiling Mísha, he made a polite obeisance to him. The latter continued +to dig, as though he had not noticed his successor. + +"Mikhaíl Andréitch," began the speculator, "permit me to inquire what +you are doing there?" + +"As you see--I am digging a grave for myself." + +"Why are you doing that?" + +"Because I do not wish to live any longer." + +The speculator fairly flung apart his hands in surprise.--"You do not +wish to live?" + +Mísha cast a menacing glance at the speculator:--"Does that surprise +you? Are not you the cause of it all?... Is it not you?... Is it not +thou?...[15] Is it not thou, Judas, who hast robbed me, by taking +advantage of my youth? Dost not thou skin the peasants? Is it not thou +who hast deprived this decrepit old man of his daily bread? Is it not +thou?... O Lord! Everywhere there is injustice, and oppression, and +villainy.... So down with everything,--and with me also! I don't wish to +live--I don't wish to live any longer in Russia!"--And the spade made +swifter progress than ever in Mísha's hands. + +"The devil knows the meaning of this!" thought the speculator: "he +actually is burying himself."--"Mikhaíl Andréitch,"--he began afresh, +"listen; I really am guilty toward you; people did not represent you +properly to me." + +Mísha went on digging. + +"But why this recklessness?" + +Mísha went on digging--and flung the dirt on the speculator, as much as +to say: "Take that, earth-devourer!" + +"Really, you have no cause for this. Will not you come to my house to +eat and rest?" + +Mísha raised his head a little. "Now you're talking! And will there be +anything to drink?" + +The speculator was delighted.--"Good gracious!... I should think so!" + +"And dost thou invite Timoféi also?" + +"But why ... well, I invite him also." + +Mísha reflected.--"Only look out ... for thou didst turn me out of +doors.... Don't think thou art going to get off with one bottle!" + +"Do not worry ... there will be as much as you wish of everything." + +Mísha flung aside his spade.... "Well, Timósha," he said, addressing his +old man-nurse, "let us honour the host.... Come along!" + +"I obey," replied the old man. + +And all three wended their way toward the house. + +The speculator knew with whom he had to deal. Mísha made him promise as +a preliminary, it is true, that he would "allow all privileges" to the +peasants;--but an hour later that same Mísha, together with Timoféi, +both drunk, danced a gallopade through those rooms where the pious shade +of Andréi Nikoláitch seemed still to be hovering; and an hour later +still, Mísha, so sound asleep that he could not be waked (liquor was his +great weakness), was placed in a peasant-cart, together with his kazák +cap and his dagger, and sent off to the town, five-and-twenty versts +distant,--and there was found under a fence.... Well, and Timoféi, who +still kept his feet and merely hiccoughed, was "pitched out neck and +crop," as a matter of course. The master had made a failure of his +attempt. So they might as well let the servant pay the penalty! + + + + +VI + + +Again considerable time elapsed and I heard nothing of Mísha.... God +knows where he had vanished.--One day, as I was sitting before the +samovár at a posting-station on the T---- highway, waiting for horses, +I suddenly heard, under the open window of the station-room, a hoarse +voice uttering in French:--"_Monsieur ... monsieur ... prenez pitié d'un +pauvre gentilhomme ruiné!_".... I raised my head and looked.... The kazák +cap with the fur peeled off, the broken cartridge-pouches on the +tattered Circassian coat, the dagger in a cracked sheath, the bloated +but still rosy face, the dishevelled but still thick hair.... My God! +It was Mísha! He had already come to begging alms on the highways!--I +involuntarily uttered an exclamation. He recognised me, shuddered, +turned away, and was about to withdraw from the window. I stopped +him ... but what was there that I could say to him? Certainly I could +not read him a lecture!... In silence I offered him a five-ruble +bank-note. With equal silence he grasped it in his still white and +plump, though trembling and dirty hand, and disappeared round the +corner of the house. + +They did not furnish me with horses very promptly, and I had time to +indulge in cheerless meditations on the subject of my unexpected +encounter with Mísha. I felt conscience-stricken that I had let him go +in so unsympathetic a manner.--At last I proceeded on my journey, and +after driving half a verst from the posting-station I observed, ahead of +me on the road, a crowd of people moving along with a strange and as it +were measured tread. I overtook this crowd,--and what did I see?--Twelve +beggars, with wallets on their shoulders, were walking by twos, singing +and skipping as they went,---and at their head danced Mísha, stamping +time with his feet and saying: "Natchiki-tchikaldi, tchuk-tchuk-tchuk! +Natchiki-tchikaldi, tchuk-tchuk-tchuk!" + +As soon as my calash came on a level with him, and he caught sight of +me, he immediately began to shout, "Hurrah! Halt, draw up in line! Eyes +front, my guard of the road!" + +The beggars took up his cry and halted,--while he, with his habitual +laugh, sprang upon the carriage-step, and again yelled: "Hurrah!" + +"What is the meaning of this?" I asked, with involuntary amazement. + +"This? This is my squad, my army; all beggars, God's people, my friends! +Each one of them, thanks to your kindness, has quaffed a cup of liquor: +and now we are all rejoicing and making merry!... Uncle! 'Tis only with +the beggars and God's poor that one can live in the world, you know ... +by God, that's so!" + +I made him no reply ... but this time he seemed to me such a +good-natured soul, his face expressed such childlike ingenuousness ... a +light suddenly seemed to dawn upon me, and there came a prick at my +heart.... + +"Get into the calash with me," I said to him. + +He was amazed.... + +"What? Get into the calash?" + +"Get in, get in!" I repeated. "I want to make thee a proposition. Get +in!... Drive on with me." + +"Well, you command."--He got in.--"Come, and as for you, my dear +friends, respected comrades," he added to the beggars: "good-bye! Until +we meet again!"--Mísha took off his kazák cap and made a low bow.--The +beggars all seemed to be dumbfounded.... I ordered the coachman to whip +up the horses, and the calash rolled on. + +This is what I wished to propose to Mísha: the idea had suddenly +occurred to me to take him into my establishment, into my country-house, +which was situated about thirty versts from that posting-station,--to +save him, or, at least, to make an effort to save him. + +"Hearken, Mísha," said I; "wilt thou settle down with me?... Thou shalt +have everything provided for thee, clothes and under-linen shall be made +for thee, thou shalt be properly fitted out, and thou shalt receive +money for tobacco and so forth, only on one condition: not to drink +liquor!... Dost thou accept?" + +Mísha was even frightened with joy. He opened his eyes very wide, turned +crimson, and suddenly falling on my shoulder, he began to kiss me and to +repeat in a spasmodic voice:--"Uncle ... benefactor.... May God reward +you!..." He melted into tears at last, and doffing his kazák cap, began +to wipe his eyes, his nose, and his lips with it. + +"Look out," I said to him. "Remember the condition--not to drink +liquor!" + +"Why, damn it!" he exclaimed, flourishing both hands, and as a result +of that energetic movement I was still more strongly flooded with that +spirituous odour wherewith he was thoroughly impregnated.... "You see, +dear uncle, if you only knew my life.... If it were not for grief, cruel +Fate, you know.... But now I swear,--I swear that I will reform, and +will prove.... Uncle, I have never lied--ask any one you like if I +have.... I am an honourable, but an unhappy man, uncle; I have never +known kindness from any one...." + +At this point he finally dissolved in sobs. I tried to soothe him and +succeeded, for when we drove up to my house Mísha had long been sleeping +the sleep of the dead, with his head resting on my knees. + + + + +VII + + +He was immediately allotted a special room, and also immediately, as the +first measure, taken to the bath, which was absolutely indispensable. +All his garments, and his dagger and tall kazák cap and hole-ridden +shoes, were carefully laid away in the storehouse; clean linen was put +on him, slippers, and some of my clothing, which, as is always the case +with paupers, exactly fitted his build and stature. When he came to the +table, washed, neat, fresh, he seemed so much touched, and so happy, he +was beaming all over with such joyful gratitude, that I felt emotion +and joy.... His face was completely transfigured. Little boys of twelve +wear such faces at Easter, after the Communion, when, thickly pomaded, +clad in new round-jackets and starched collars, they go to exchange the +Easter greeting with their parents. Mísha kept feeling of himself +cautiously and incredulously, and repeating:--"What is this?... Am not I +in heaven?"--And on the following day he announced that he had not been +able to sleep all night for rapture! + +In my house there was then living an aged aunt with her niece. They were +both greatly agitated when they heard of Mísha's arrival; they did not +understand how I could have invited him to my house! He bore a very bad +reputation. But, in the first place, I knew that he was always very +polite to ladies; and, in the second place, I trusted to his promise to +reform. And, as a matter of fact, during the early days of his sojourn +under my roof Mísha not only justified my expectations, but exceeded +them; and he simply enchanted my ladies. He played picquet with the old +lady; he helped her to wind yarn; he showed her two new games of +patience; he accompanied the niece, who had a small voice, on the piano; +he read her French and Russian poetry; he narrated diverting but +decorous anecdotes to both ladies;--in a word, he was serviceable to +them in all sorts of ways, so that they repeatedly expressed to me their +surprise, while the old woman even remarked: "How unjust people +sometimes are!... What all have not they said about him ... while he is +so discreet and polite ... poor Mísha!" + +It is true that at table "poor Mísha" licked his lips in a +peculiarly-hasty way every time he even looked at a bottle. But all I +had to do was to shake my finger, and he would roll up his eyes, and +press his hand to his heart ... as much as to say: "I have sworn...." + +"I am regenerated now!" he assured me.--"Well, God grant it!" I thought +to myself.... But this regeneration did not last long. + +During the early days he was very loquacious and jolly. But beginning +with the third day he quieted down, somehow, although, as before, he +kept close to the ladies and amused them. A half-sad, half-thoughtful +expression began to flit across his face, and the face itself grew pale +and thin. + +"Art thou ill?" I asked him. + +"Yes," he answered;--"my head aches a little." + +On the fourth day he became perfectly silent; he sat in a corner most of +the time, with dejectedly drooping head; and by his downcast aspect +evoked a feeling of compassion in the two ladies, who now, in their +turn, tried to divert him. At table he ate nothing, stared at his +plate, and rolled bread-balls. On the fifth day the feeling of pity in +the ladies began to be replaced by another--by distrust and even fear. +Mísha had grown wild, he avoided people and kept walking along the wall, +as though creeping stealthily, and suddenly darting glances around him, +as though some one had called him. And what had become of his rosy +complexion? It seemed to be covered with earth. + +"Art thou still ill?" I asked him. + +"No; I am well," he answered abruptly. + +"Art thou bored?" + +"Why should I be bored?"--But he turned away and would not look me in +the eye. + +"Or hast thou grown melancholy again?"--To this he made no reply. + +On the following day my aunt ran into my study in a state of great +excitement, and declared that she and her niece would leave my house if +Mísha were to remain in it. + +"Why so?" + +"Why, we feel afraid of him.... He is not a man,--he is a wolf, a +regular wolf. He stalks and stalks about, saying never a word, and has +such a wild look.... He all but gnashes his teeth. My Kátya is such a +nervous girl, as thou knowest.... She took a great interest in him the +first day.... I am afraid for her and for myself...." + +I did not know what reply to make to my aunt. But I could not expel +Mísha, whom I had invited in. + +He himself extricated me from this dilemma. + +That very day--before I had even left my study--I suddenly heard a dull +and vicious voice behind me. + +"Nikolái Nikoláitch, hey there, Nikolái Nikoláitch!" + +I looked round. In the doorway stood Mísha, with a terrible, lowering, +distorted visage. + +"Nikolái Nikoláitch," he repeated ... (it was no longer "dear uncle"). + +"What dost thou want?" + +"Let me go ... this very moment!" + +"What?" + +"Let me go, or I shall commit a crime,--set the house on fire or cut +some one's throat."--Mísha suddenly fell to shaking.--"Order them to +restore my garments, and give me a cart to carry me to the highway, and +give me a trifling sum of money!" + +"But art thou dissatisfied with anything?" I began. + +"I cannot live thus!" he roared at the top of his voice.--"I cannot live +in your lordly, thrice-damned house! I hate, I am ashamed to live so +tranquilly!... How do _you_ manage to endure it?!" + +"In other words," I interposed, "thou wishest to say that thou canst not +live without liquor...." + +"Well, yes! well, yes!" he yelled again.--"Only let me go to my +brethren, to my friends, to the beggars!... Away from your noble, +decorous, repulsive race!" + +I wanted to remind him of his promise on oath, but the criminal +expression of Mísha's face, his unrestrained voice, the convulsive +trembling of all his limbs--all this was so frightful that I made haste +to get rid of him. I informed him that he should receive his clothing at +once, that a cart should be harnessed for him; and taking from a casket +a twenty-ruble bank-note, I laid it on the table. Mísha was already +beginning to advance threateningly upon me, but now he suddenly stopped +short, his face instantaneously became distorted, and flushed up; he +smote his breast, tears gushed from his eyes, and he stammered, +--"Uncle!--Angel! I am a lost man, you see!---Thanks! Thanks!"--He +seized the bank-note and rushed out of the room. + +An hour later he was already seated in a cart, again clad in his +Circassian coat, again rosy and jolly; and when the horses started off +he uttered a yell, tore off his tall kazák cap, and waving it above his +head, he made bow after bow. Immediately before his departure he +embraced me long and warmly, stammering:--"Benefactor, benefactor!... It +was impossible to save me!" He even ran in to see the ladies, and kissed +their hands over and over again, went down on his knees, appealed to +God, and begged forgiveness! I found Kátya in tears later on. + +But the coachman who had driven Mísha reported to me, on his return, +that he had taken him to the first drinking establishment on the +highway, and that there he "had got stranded," had begun to stand treat +to every one without distinction, and had soon arrived at a state of +inebriation. + +Since that time I have never met Mísha, but I learned his final fate in +the following manner. + + + + +VIII + + +Three years later I again found myself in the country; suddenly a +servant entered and announced that Madame Pólteff was inquiring for me. +I knew no Madame Pólteff, and the servant who made the announcement was +grinning in a sarcastic sort of way, for some reason or other. In reply +to my questioning glance he said that the lady who was asking for me was +young, poorly clad, and had arrived in a peasant-cart drawn by one +horse which she was driving herself! I ordered that Madame Pólteff +should be requested to do me the favour to step into my study. + +I beheld a woman of five-and-twenty,--belonging to the petty burgher +class, to judge from her attire,--with a large kerchief on her head. Her +face was simple, rather round in contour, not devoid of agreeability; +her gaze was downcast and rather melancholy, her movements were +embarrassed. + +"Are you Madame Pólteff?" I asked, inviting her to be seated. + +"Just so, sir," she answered, in a low voice, and without sitting +down.--"I am the widow of your nephew, Mikhaíl Andréevitch Pólteff." + +"Is Mikhaíl Andréevitch dead? Has he been dead long?--But sit down, I +beg of you." + +She dropped down on a chair. + +"This is the second month since he died." + +"And were you married to him long ago?" + +"I lived with him one year in all." + +"And whence come you now?" + +"I come from the vicinity of Túla.... There is a village there called +Známenskoe-Glúshkovo--perhaps you deign to know it. I am the daughter of +the sexton there. Mikhaíl Andréitch and I lived there.... He settled +down with my father. We lived together a year in all." The young woman's +lips twitched slightly, and she raised her hand to them. She seemed to +be getting ready to cry, but conquered herself, and cleared her throat. + +"The late Mikhaíl Andréitch, before his death," she went on, "bade me go +to you. 'Be sure to go,' he said. And he told me that I was to thank you +for all your goodness, and transmit to you ... this ... trifle" (she +drew from her pocket a small package), "which he always carried on his +person.... And Mikhaíl Andréitch said, Wouldn't you be so kind as to +accept it in memory--that you must not scorn it.... 'I have nothing else +to give him,' ... meaning you ... he said...." + +In the packet was a small silver cup with the monogram of Mikhaíl's +mother. This tiny cup I had often seen in Mikhaíl's hands; and once he +had even said to me, in speaking of a pauper, that he must be stripped +bare, since he had neither cup nor bowl, "while I have this here," he +said. + +I thanked her, took the cup and inquired, "Of what malady did Mikhaíl +Andréitch die?--Probably...." + +Here I bit my tongue, but the young woman understood my unspoken +thought.... She darted a swift glance at me, then dropped her eyes, +smiled sadly, and immediately said, "Akh, no! He had abandoned that +entirely from the time he made my acquaintance.... Only, what health had +he?!... It was utterly ruined. As soon as he gave up drinking, his +malady immediately manifested itself. He became so steady, he was always +wanting to help my father, either in the household affairs, or in the +vegetable garden ... or whatever other work happened to be on hand ... +in spite of the fact that he was of noble birth. Only, where was he to +get the strength?... And he would have liked to busy himself in the +department of writing also,--he knew how to do that beautifully, as you +are aware; but his hands shook so, and he could not hold the pen +properly.... He was always reproaching himself: 'I'm an idle dog,' he +said. 'I have done no one any good, I have helped no one, I have not +toiled!' He was very much afflicted over that same.... He used to say, +'Our people toil, but what are we doing?...' Akh, Nikolái Nikoláitch, he +was a fine man--and he loved me ... and I.... Akh, forgive me...." + +Here the young woman actually burst into tears. I would have liked to +comfort her, but I did not know how. + +"Have you a baby?" I asked at last. + +She sighed.--"No, I have not.... How could I have?"--And here tears +streamed worse than before. + +So this was the end of Mísha's wanderings through tribulations [old P. +concluded his story].--You will agree with me, gentlemen, as a matter of +course, that I had a right to call him reckless; but you will probably +also agree with me that he did not resemble the reckless fellows of the +present day, although we must suppose that any philosopher would find +traits of similarity between him and them. In both cases there is the +thirst for self-annihilation, melancholy, dissatisfaction.... And what +that springs from I will permit precisely that philosopher to decide. + + + + + + + +THE DREAM + +(1876) + + + + + +I + + +I was living with my mother at the time, in a small seaport town. I was +just turned seventeen, and my mother was only thirty-five; she had +married very young. When my father died I was only seven years old; but +I remembered him well. My mother was a short, fair-haired woman, with a +charming, but permanently-sad face, a quiet, languid voice, and timid +movements. In her youth she had borne the reputation of a beauty, and as +long as she lived she remained attractive and pretty. I have never +beheld more profound, tender, and melancholy eyes. I adored her, and she +loved me.... But our life was not cheerful; it seemed as though some +mysterious, incurable and undeserved sorrow were constantly sapping the +root of her existence. This sorrow could not be explained by grief for +my father alone, great as that was, passionately as my mother had loved +him, sacredly as she cherished his memory.... No! there was something +else hidden there which I did not understand, but which I felt,--felt +confusedly and strongly as soon as I looked at those quiet, impassive +eyes, at those very beautiful but also impassive lips, which were not +bitterly compressed, but seemed to have congealed for good and all. + +I have said that my mother loved me; but there were moments when she +spurned me, when my presence was burdensome, intolerable to her. At such +times she felt, as it were, an involuntary aversion for me--and was +terrified afterward, reproaching herself with tears and clasping me to +her heart. I attributed these momentary fits of hostility to her +shattered health, to her unhappiness.... These hostile sentiments might +have been evoked, it is true, in a certain measure, by some strange +outbursts, which were incomprehensible even to me myself, of wicked and +criminal feelings which occasionally arose in me.... + +But these outbursts did not coincide with the moments of repulsion.--My +mother constantly wore black, as though she were in mourning. We lived +on a rather grand scale, although we associated with no one. + + + + +II + + +My mother concentrated upon me all her thoughts and cares. Her life was +merged in my life. Such relations between parents and children are not +always good for the children ... they are more apt to be injurious. +Moreover I was my mother's only child ... and only children generally +develop irregularly. In rearing them the parents do not think of +themselves so much as they do of them.... That is not practical. I did +not get spoiled, and did not grow obstinate (both these things happen +with only children), but my nerves were unstrung before their time; in +addition to which I was of rather feeble health--I took after my mother, +to whom I also bore a great facial resemblance. I shunned the society of +lads of my own age; in general, I was shy of people; I even talked very +little with my mother. I was fonder of reading than of anything else, +and of walking alone--and dreaming, dreaming! What my dreams were about +it would be difficult to say. It sometimes seemed to me as though I were +standing before a half-open door behind which were concealed hidden +secrets,--standing and waiting, and swooning with longing--yet not +crossing the threshold; and always meditating as to what there was +yonder ahead of me--and always waiting and longing ... or falling into +slumber. If the poetic vein had throbbed in me I should, in all +probability, have taken to writing verses; if I had felt an inclination +to religious devoutness I might have become a monk; but there was +nothing of the sort about me, and I continued to dream--and to wait. + + + + +III + + +I have just mentioned that I sometimes fell asleep under the inspiration +of obscure thoughts and reveries. On the whole, I slept a great deal, +and dreams played a prominent part in my life; I beheld visions almost +every night. I did not forget them, I attributed to them significance, I +regarded them as prophetic, I strove to divine their secret import. Some +of them were repeated from time to time, which always seemed to me +wonderful and strange. I was particularly perturbed by one dream. It +seems to me that I am walking along a narrow, badly-paved street in an +ancient town, between many-storied houses of stone, with sharp-pointed +roofs. I am seeking my father who is not dead, but is, for some reason, +hiding from us, and is living in one of those houses. And so I enter a +low, dark gate, traverse a long courtyard encumbered with beams and +planks, and finally make my way into a small chamber with two circular +windows. In the middle of the room stands my father, clad in a +dressing-gown and smoking a pipe. He does not in the least resemble my +real father: he is tall, thin, black-haired, he has a hooked nose, +surly, piercing eyes; in appearance he is about forty years of age. He +is displeased because I have hunted him up; and I also am not in the +least delighted at the meeting--and I stand still, in perplexity. He +turns away slightly, begins to mutter something and to pace to and fro +with short steps.... Then he retreats a little, without ceasing to +mutter, and keeps constantly casting glances behind him, over his +shoulder; the room widens out and vanishes in a fog.... I suddenly grow +terrified at the thought that I am losing my father again. I rush after +him--but I no longer see him, and can only hear his angry, bear-like +growl.... My heart sinks within me. I wake up, and for a long time +cannot get to sleep again.... All the following day I think about that +dream and, of course, am unable to arrive at any conclusion. + + + + +IV + + +The month of June had come. The town in which my mother and I lived +became remarkably animated at that season. A multitude of vessels +arrived at the wharves, a multitude of new faces presented themselves on +the streets. I loved at such times to stroll along the quay, past the +coffee-houses and inns, to scan the varied faces of the sailors and +other people who sat under the canvas awnings, at little white tables +with pewter tankards filled with beer. + +One day, as I was passing in front of a coffee-house, I caught sight of +a man who immediately engrossed my entire attention. Clad in a long +black coat of peasant cut, with a straw hat pulled down over his eyes, +he was sitting motionless, with his arms folded on his chest. Thin +rings of black hair descended to his very nose; his thin lips gripped +the stem of a short pipe. This man seemed so familiar to me, every +feature of his swarthy, yellow face, his whole figure, were so +indubitably stamped on my memory, that I could not do otherwise than +halt before him, could not help putting to myself the question: "Who is +this man? Where have I seen him?" He probably felt my intent stare, for +he turned his black, piercing eyes upon me.... I involuntarily uttered a +cry of surprise.... + +This man was the father whom I had sought out, whom I had beheld in my +dream! + +There was no possibility of making a mistake,--the resemblance was too +striking. Even the long-skirted coat, which enveloped his gaunt limbs, +reminded me, in colour and form, of the dressing-gown in which my father +had presented himself to me. + +"Am not I dreaming?" I thought to myself.... "No.... It is daylight now, +a crowd is roaring round me, the sun is shining brightly in the blue +sky, and I have before me, not a phantom, but a living man." + +I stepped up to an empty table, ordered myself a tankard of beer and a +newspaper, and seated myself at a short distance from this mysterious +being. + + + + +V + + +Placing the sheets of the newspaper on a level with my face, I continued +to devour the stranger with my eyes.--He hardly stirred, and only raised +his drooping head a little from time to time. He was evidently waiting +for some one. I gazed and gazed.... Sometimes it seemed to me that I had +invented the whole thing, that in reality there was no resemblance +whatever, that I had yielded to the semi-involuntary deception of the +imagination ... but "he" would suddenly turn a little on his chair, +raise his hand slightly, and again I almost cried aloud, again I beheld +before me my "nocturnal" father! At last he noticed my importunate +attention, and, first with surprise, then with vexation, he glanced in +my direction, started to rise, and knocked down a small cane which he +had leaned against the table. I instantly sprang to my feet, picked it +up and handed it to him. My heart was beating violently. + +He smiled in a constrained way, thanked me, and putting his face close +to my face, he elevated his eyebrows and parted his lips a little, as +though something had struck him. + +"You are very polite, young man," he suddenly began, in a dry, sharp, +snuffling voice.--"That is a rarity nowadays. Allow me to congratulate +you. You have been well brought up." + +I do not remember precisely what answer I made to him; but the +conversation between us was started. I learned that he was a +fellow-countryman of mine, that he had recently returned from America, +where he had lived many years, and whither he was intending to return +shortly. He said his name was Baron.... I did not catch the name well. +He, like my "nocturnal" father, wound up each of his remarks with an +indistinct, inward growl. He wanted to know my name.... On hearing it he +again showed signs of surprise. Then he asked me if I had been living +long in that town, and with whom? I answered him that I lived with my +mother. + +"And your father?" + +"My father died long ago." + +He inquired my mother's Christian name, and immediately burst into an +awkward laugh--and then excused himself, saying that he had that +American habit, and that altogether he was a good deal of an eccentric. +Then he asked where we lived. I told him. + + + + +VI + + +The agitation which had seized upon me at the beginning of our +conversation had gradually subsided; I thought our intimacy rather +strange--that was all. I did not like the smile with which the baron +questioned me; neither did I like the expression of his eyes when he +fairly stabbed them into me.... There was about them something rapacious +and condescending ... something which inspired dread. I had not seen +those eyes in my dream. The baron had a strange face! It was pallid, +fatigued, and, at the same time, youthful in appearance, but with a +disagreeable youthfulness! Neither had my "nocturnal" father that deep +scar, which intersected his whole forehead in a slanting direction, and +which I did not notice until I moved closer to him. + +Before I had had time to impart to the baron the name of the street and +the number of the house where we lived, a tall negro, wrapped up in a +cloak to his very eyes, approached him from behind and tapped him softly +on the shoulder. The baron turned round, said: "Aha! At last!" and +nodding lightly to me, entered the coffee-house with the negro. I +remained under the awning. I wished to wait until the baron should come +out again, not so much for the sake of entering again into conversation +with him (I really did not know what topic I could start with), as for +the purpose of again verifying my first impression.--But half an hour +passed; an hour passed.... The baron did not make his appearance. I +entered the coffee-house, I made the circuit of all the rooms--but +nowhere did I see either the baron or the negro.... Both of them must +have taken their departure through the back door. + +My head had begun to ache a little, and with the object of refreshing +myself I set out along the seashore to the extensive park outside the +town, which had been laid out ten years previously. After having +strolled for a couple of hours in the shade of the huge oaks and +plaintain-trees, I returned home. + + + + +VII + + +Our maid-servant flew to meet me, all tremulous with agitation, as soon +as I made my appearance in the anteroom. I immediately divined, from the +expression of her face, that something unpleasant had occurred in our +house during my absence.--And, in fact, I learned that half an hour +before a frightful shriek had rung out from my mother's bedroom. When +the maid rushed in she found her on the floor in a swoon which lasted +for several minutes. My mother had recovered consciousness at last, but +had been obliged to go to bed, and wore a strange, frightened aspect; +she had not uttered a word, she had not replied to questions--she had +done nothing but glance around her and tremble. The servant had sent the +gardener for a doctor. The doctor had come and had prescribed a soothing +potion, but my mother had refused to say anything to him either. The +gardener asserted that a few moments after the shriek had rung out from +my mother's room he had seen a strange man run hastily across the +flower-plots of the garden to the street gate. (We lived in a one-story +house, whose windows looked out upon a fairly large garden.) The +gardener had not been able to get a good look at the man's face; but the +latter was gaunt, and wore a straw hat and a long-skirted coat.... "The +baron's costume!" immediately flashed into my head.--The gardener had +been unable to overtake him; moreover, he had been summoned, without +delay, to the house and despatched for the doctor. + +I went to my mother's room; she was lying in bed, whiter than the pillow +on which her head rested.... At sight of me she smiled faintly, and put +out her hand to me. I sat down by her side, and began to question her; +at first she persistently parried my questions; but at last she +confessed that she had seen something which had frightened her greatly. + +"Did some one enter here?" I asked. + +"No," she answered hastily, "no one entered, but it seemed to me ... I +thought I saw ... a vision...." + +She ceased speaking and covered her eyes with her hand. I was on the +point of communicating to her what I had heard from the gardener--and +my meeting with the baron also, by the way ... but, for some reason or +other, the words died on my lips. + +Nevertheless I did bring myself to remark to my mother that visions do +not manifest themselves in the daylight.... + +"Stop," she whispered, "please stop; do not torture me now. Some day +thou shalt know...." Again she relapsed into silence. Her hands were +cold, and her pulse beat fast and unevenly. I gave her a dose of her +medicine and stepped a little to one side, in order not to disturb her. + +She did not rise all day. She lay motionless and quiet, only sighing +deeply from time to time, and opening her eyes in a timorous +fashion.--Every one in the house was perplexed. + + + + +VIII + + +Toward night a slight fever made its appearance, and my mother sent me +away. I did not go to my own chamber, however, but lay down in the +adjoining room on the divan. Every quarter of an hour I rose, approached +the door on tiptoe, and listened.... Everything remained silent--but my +mother hardly slept at all that night. When I went into her room early +in the morning her face appeared to me to be swollen, and her eyes were +shining with an unnatural brilliancy. In the course of the day she +became a little easier, but toward evening the fever increased again. + +Up to that time she had maintained an obstinate silence, but now she +suddenly began to talk in a hurried, spasmodic voice. She was not +delirious, there was sense in her words, but there was no coherency in +them. Not long before midnight she raised herself up in bed with a +convulsive movement (I was sitting beside her), and with the same +hurried voice she began to narrate to me, continually drinking water in +gulps from a glass, feebly flourishing her hands, and not once looking +at me the while.... At times she paused, exerted an effort over herself, +and went on again.... All this was strange, as though she were doing it +in her sleep, as though she herself were not present, but as though some +other person were speaking with her lips, or making her speak. + + + + +IX + + +"Listen to what I have to tell thee," she began. "Thou art no longer a +young boy; thou must know all. I had a good friend.... She married a man +whom she loved with all her heart, and she was happy with her husband. +But during the first year of their married life they both went to the +capital to spend a few weeks and enjoy themselves. They stopped at a +good hotel and went out a great deal to theatres and assemblies. My +friend was very far from homely; every one noticed her, all the young +men paid court to her; but among them was one in particular ... an +officer. He followed her unremittingly, and wherever she went she beheld +his black, wicked eyes. He did not make her acquaintance, and did not +speak to her even once; he merely kept staring at her in a very strange, +insolent way. All the pleasures of the capital were poisoned by his +presence. She began to urge her husband to depart as speedily as +possible, and they had fully made up their minds to the journey. One day +her husband went off to the club; some officers--officers who belonged +to the same regiment as this man--had invited him to play cards.... For +the first time she was left alone. Her husband did not return for a long +time; she dismissed her maid and went to bed.... And suddenly a great +dread came upon her, so that she even turned cold all over and began to +tremble. It seemed to her that she heard a faint tapping on the other +side of the wall--like the noise a dog makes when scratching--and she +began to stare at that wall. In the corner burned a shrine-lamp; the +chamber was all hung with silken stuff.... Suddenly something began to +move at that point, rose, opened.... And straight out of the wall, all +black and long, stepped forth that dreadful man with the wicked eyes! + +"She tried to scream and could not. She was benumbed with fright. He +advanced briskly toward her, like a rapacious wild beast, flung +something over her head, something stifling, heavy and white.... What +happened afterward I do not remember.... I do not remember! It was like +death, like murder.... When that terrible fog dispersed at last--when +I ... my friend recovered her senses, there was no one in the room. +Again--and for a long time--she was incapable of crying out, but she did +shriek at last ... then again everything grew confused.... + +"Then she beheld by her side her husband, who had been detained at the +club until two o'clock.... His face was distorted beyond recognition. He +began to question her, but she said nothing.... Then she fell ill.... +But I remember that when she was left alone in the room she examined +that place in the wall.... Under the silken hangings there proved to be +a secret door. And her wedding-ring had disappeared from her hand. This +ring was of an unusual shape. Upon it seven tiny golden stars alternated +with seven tiny silver stars; it was an ancient family heirloom. Her +husband asked her what had become of her ring; she could make no reply. +Her husband thought that she had dropped it somewhere, hunted everywhere +for it, but nowhere could he find it. Gloom descended upon him, he +decided to return home as speedily as possible, and as soon as the +doctor permitted they quitted the capital.... But imagine! On the very +day of their departure they suddenly encountered, on the street, a +litter.... In that litter lay a man who had just been killed, with a +cleft skull---and just imagine! that man was that same dreadful +nocturnal visitor with the wicked eyes.... He had been killed over a +game of cards! + +"Then my friend went away to the country, and became a mother for the +first time ... and lived several years with her husband. He never +learned anything about that matter, and what could she say? She herself +knew nothing. But her former happiness had vanished. Darkness had +invaded their life--and that darkness was never dispelled.... They had +no other children either before or after ... but that son...." + +My mother began to tremble all over, and covered her face with her +hands. + +"But tell me now," she went on, with redoubled force, "whether my friend +was in any way to blame? With what could she reproach herself? She was +punished, but had not she the right to declare, in the presence of God +himself, that the punishment which overtook her was unjust? Then why can +the past present itself to her, after the lapse of so many years, in so +frightful an aspect, as though she were a sinner tortured by the +gnawings of conscience? Macbeth slew Banquo, so it is not to be +wondered at that he should have visions ... but I...." + +But my mother's speech became so entangled and confused that I ceased to +understand her ... I no longer had any doubt that she was raving in +delirium. + + + + +X + + +Any one can easily understand what a shattering effect my mother's +narration produced upon me! I had divined, at her very first word, that +she was speaking of herself, and not of any acquaintance of hers; her +slip of the tongue only confirmed me in my surmise. So it really was my +father whom I had sought out in my dream, whom I had beheld when wide +awake! He had not been killed, as my mother had supposed, but merely +wounded.... And he had come to her, and had fled, affrighted by her +fright. Everything suddenly became clear to me; the feeling of +involuntary repugnance for me which sometimes awoke in my mother, and +her constant sadness, and our isolated life.... I remember that my head +reeled, and I clutched at it with both hands, as though desirous of +holding it firmly in its place. But one thought had become riveted in it +like a nail. I made up my mind, without fail, at any cost, to find that +man again! Why? With what object?--I did not account to myself for +that; but to find him ... to find him--that had become for me a question +of life or death! + +On the following morning my mother regained her composure at last ... +the fever passed off ... she fell asleep. Committing her to the care of +our landlord and landlady and the servants, I set out on my quest. + + + + +XI + + +First of all, as a matter of course, I betook myself to the coffee-house +where I had met the baron; but in the coffee-house no one knew him or +had even noticed him; he was a chance visitor. The proprietors had +noticed the negro--his figure had been too striking to escape notice; +but who he was, where he stayed, no one knew either. Leaving my address, +in case of an emergency, at the coffee-house, I began to walk about the +streets and the water-front of the town, the wharves, the boulevards; I +looked into all the public institutions, and nowhere did I find any one +who resembled either the baron or his companion.... As I had not caught +the baron's name, I was deprived of the possibility of appealing to the +police; but I privately gave two or three guardians of public order to +understand (they gazed at me in surprise, it is true, and did not +entirely believe me) that I would lavishly reward their zeal if they +should be successful in coming upon the traces of those two individuals, +whose personal appearance I tried to describe as minutely as possible. + +Having strolled about in this manner until dinner-time, I returned home +thoroughly worn out. My mother had got out of bed; but with her habitual +melancholy there was mingled a new element, a sort of pensive +perplexity, which cut me to the heart like a knife. I sat with her all +the evening. We said hardly anything; she laid out her game of patience, +I silently looked at her cards. She did not refer by a single word to +her story, or to what had happened the day before. It was as though we +had both entered into a compact not to touch upon those strange and +terrifying occurrences.... She appeared to be vexed with herself and +ashamed of what had involuntarily burst from her; but perhaps she did +not remember very clearly what she had said in her semi-fevered +delirium, and hoped that I would spare her.... And, in fact, I did spare +her, and she was conscious of it; as on the preceding day she avoided +meeting my eyes. + +A frightful storm had suddenly sprung up out of doors. The wind howled +and tore in wild gusts, the window-panes rattled and quivered; +despairing shrieks and groans were borne through the air, as though +something on high had broken loose and were flying with mad weeping +over the shaking houses. Just before dawn I lost myself in a doze ... +when suddenly it seemed to me as though some one had entered my room and +called me, had uttered my name, not in a loud, but in a decided voice. I +raised my head and saw no one; but, strange to relate! I not only was +not frightened--I was delighted; there suddenly arose within me the +conviction that now I should, without fail, attain my end. I hastily +dressed myself and left the house. + + + + +XII + + +The storm had subsided ... but its last flutterings could still be felt. +It was early; there were no people in the streets; in many places +fragments of chimneys, tiles, boards of fences which had been rent +asunder, the broken boughs of trees, lay strewn upon the ground.... +"What happened at sea last night?" I involuntarily thought at the sight +of the traces left behind by the storm. I started to go to the port, but +my feet bore me in another direction, as though in obedience to an +irresistible attraction. Before ten minutes had passed I found myself in +a quarter of the town which I had never yet visited. I was walking, not +fast, but without stopping, step by step, with a strange sensation at my +heart; I was expecting something remarkable, impossible, and, at the +same time, I was convinced that that impossible thing would come to +pass. + + + + +XIII + + +And lo, it came to pass, that remarkable, that unexpected thing! Twenty +paces in front of me I suddenly beheld that same negro who had spoken to +the baron in my presence at the coffee-house! Enveloped in the same +cloak which I had then noticed on him, he seemed to have popped up out +of the earth, and with his back turned toward me was walking with brisk +strides along the narrow sidewalk of the crooked alley! I immediately +dashed in pursuit of him, but he redoubled his gait, although he did not +glance behind him, and suddenly made an abrupt turn around the corner of +a projecting house. I rushed to that corner and turned it as quickly as +the negro had done.... Marvellous to relate! Before me stretched a long, +narrow, and perfectly empty street; the morning mist filled it with its +dim, leaden light,--but my gaze penetrated to its very extremity. I +could count all its buildings ... and not a single living being was +anywhere astir! The tall negro in the cloak had vanished as suddenly as +he had appeared! I was amazed ... but only for a moment. Another feeling +immediately took possession of me; that street which stretched out +before my eyes, all dumb and dead, as it were,--I recognised it! It was +the street of my dream. I trembled and shivered--the morning was so +chilly--and instantly, without the slightest wavering, with a certain +terror of confidence, I went onward. + +I began to seek with my eyes.... Yes, there it is, yonder, on the right, +with a corner projecting on the sidewalk--yonder is the house of my +dream, yonder is the ancient gate with the stone scrolls on each +side.... The house is not circular, it is true, but square ... but that +is a matter of no importance.... I knock at the gate, I knock once, +twice, thrice, ever more and more loudly.... The gate opens slowly, with +a heavy screech, as though yawning. In front of me stands a young +serving-maid with a dishevelled head and sleepy eyes. She has evidently +just waked up. + +"Does the baron live here?" I inquire, as I run a swift glance over the +deep, narrow courtyard.... It is there; it is all there ... there are +the planks which I had seen in my dream. + +"No," the maid answers me, "the baron does not live here." + +"What dost thou mean by that? It is impossible!" + +"He is not here now. He went away yesterday." + +"Whither?" + +"To America." + +"To America!" I involuntarily repeated. "But he is coming back?" + +The maid looked suspiciously at me. + +"I don't know. Perhaps he will not come back at all." + +"But has he been living here long?" + +"No, not long; about a week. Now he is not here at all." + +"But what was the family name of that baron?" + +The maid-servant stared at me. + +"Don't you know his name? We simply called him the baron. Hey, there! +Piótr!" she cried, perceiving that I was pushing my way in.--"come +hither: some stranger or other is asking all sorts of questions." + +From the house there presented itself the shambling figure of a robust +labourer. + +"What's the matter? What's wanted?" he inquired in a hoarse voice,--and +having listened to me with a surly mien, he repeated what the +maid-servant had said. + +"But who does live here?" I said. + +"Our master." + +"And who is he?" + +"A carpenter. They are all carpenters in this street." + +"Can he be seen?" + +"Impossible now, he is asleep." + +"And cannot I go into the house?" + +"No; go your way." + +"Well, and can I see your master a little later?" + +"Why not? Certainly. He can always be seen.... That's his business as a +dealer. Only, go your way now. See how early it is." + +"Well, and how about that negro?" I suddenly asked. + +The labourer stared in amazement, first at me, then at the maid-servant. + +"What negro?" he said at last.--"Go away, sir. You can come back later. +Talk with the master." + +I went out into the street. The gate was instantly banged behind me, +heavily and sharply, without squeaking this time. + +I took good note of the street and house and went away, but not home.--I +felt something in the nature of disenchantment. Everything which had +happened to me was so strange, so remarkable--and yet, how stupidly it +had been ended! I had been convinced that I should behold in that house +the room which was familiar to me--and in the middle of it my father, +the baron, in a dressing-gown and with a pipe.... And instead of that, +the master of the house was a carpenter, and one might visit him as much +as one pleased,--and order furniture of him if one wished! + +But my father had gone to America! And what was left for me to do +now?... Tell my mother everything, or conceal forever the very memory of +that meeting? I was absolutely unable to reconcile myself to the thought +that such a senseless, such a commonplace ending should be tacked on to +such a supernatural, mysterious beginning! + +I did not wish to return home, and walked straight ahead, following my +nose, out of the town. + + + + +XIV + + +I walked along with drooping head, without a thought, almost without +sensation, but wholly engrossed in myself.--A measured, dull and angry +roar drew me out of my torpor. I raised my head: it was the sea roaring +and booming fifty paces from me. Greatly agitated by the nocturnal +storm, the sea was a mass of white-caps to the very horizon, and steep +crests of long breakers were rolling in regularly and breaking on the +flat shore, I approached it, and walked along the very line left by the +ebb and flow on the yellow, ribbed sand, strewn with fragments of +trailing seawrack, bits of shells, serpent-like ribbons of eel-grass. +Sharp-winged gulls with pitiful cry, borne on the wind from the distant +aerial depths, soared white as snow against the grey, cloudy sky, +swooped down abruptly, and as though skipping from wave to wave, +departed again and vanished like silvery flecks in the strips of +swirling foam. Some of them, I noticed, circled persistently around a +large isolated boulder which rose aloft in the midst of the monotonous +expanse of sandy shores. Coarse seaweed grew in uneven tufts on one side +of the rock; and at the point where its tangled stems emerged from the +yellow salt-marsh, there was something black, and long, and arched, and +not very large.... I began to look more intently.... Some dark object +was lying there--lying motionless beside the stone.... That object +became constantly clearer and more distinct the nearer I approached.... + +I was only thirty paces from the rock now.... Why, that was the outline +of a human body! It was a corpse; it was a drowned man, cast up by the +sea! I went clear up to the rock. + +It was the corpse of the baron, my father! I stopped short, as though +rooted to the spot. Then only did I understand that ever since daybreak +I had been guided by some unknown forces--that I was in their +power,--and for the space of several minutes there was nothing in my +soul save the ceaseless crashing of the sea, and a dumb terror in the +presence of the Fate which held me in its grip.... + + + + +XV + + +He was lying on his back, bent a little to one side, with his left arm +thrown above his head ... the right was turned under his bent body. The +sticky slime had sucked in the tips of his feet, shod in tall sailor's +boots; the short blue pea-jacket, all impregnated with sea-salt, had not +unbuttoned; a red scarf encircled his neck in a hard knot. The swarthy +face, turned skyward, seemed to be laughing; from beneath the upturned +upper lip small close-set teeth were visible; the dim pupils of the +half-closed eyes were hardly to be distinguished from the darkened +whites; covered with bubbles of foam the dirt-encrusted hair spread out +over the ground and laid bare the smooth forehead with the purplish line +of the scar; the narrow nose rose up like a sharp, white streak between +the sunken cheeks. The storm of the past night had done its work.... He +had not beheld America! The man who had insulted my mother, who had +marred her life, my father--yes! my father, I could cherish no doubt as +to that--lay stretched out helpless in the mud at my feet. I experienced +a sense of satisfied vengeance, and compassion, and repulsion, and +terror most of all ... of twofold terror; terror of what I had seen, and +of what had come to pass. That evil, that criminal element of which I +have already spoken, those incomprehensible spasms rose up within +me ... stifled me. + +"Aha!" I thought to myself: "so that is why I am what I am.... That is +where blood tells!" I stood beside the corpse and gazed and waited, to +see whether those dead pupils would not stir, whether those benumbed +lips would not quiver. No! everything was motionless; the very seaweed, +among which the surf had cast him, seemed to have congealed; even the +gulls had flown away--there was not a fragment anywhere, not a plank or +any broken rigging. There was emptiness everywhere ... only he--and +I--and the foaming sea in the distance. I cast a glance behind me; the +same emptiness was there; a chain of hillocks on the horizon ... that +was all! + +I dreaded to leave that unfortunate man in that loneliness, in the ooze +of the shore, to be devoured by fishes and birds; an inward voice told +me that I ought to hunt up some men and call them thither, if not to +aid--that was out of the question--at least for the purpose of laying +him out, of bearing him beneath an inhabited roof.... But indescribable +terror suddenly took possession of me. It seemed to me as though that +dead man knew that I had come thither, that he himself had arranged that +last meeting--it even seemed as though I could hear that dull, familiar +muttering.... I ran off to one side ... looked behind me once more.... +Something shining caught my eye; it brought me to a standstill. It was +a golden hoop on the outstretched hand of the corpse.... I recognised my +mother's wedding-ring. I remember how I forced myself to return, to go +close, to bend down.... I remember the sticky touch of the cold fingers, +I remember how I panted and puckered up my eyes and gnashed my teeth, as +I tugged persistently at the ring.... + +At last I got it off--and I fled--fled away, in headlong flight,--and +something darted after me, and overtook me and caught me. + + + + +XVI + + +Everything which I had gone through and endured was, probably, written +on my face when I returned home. My mother suddenly rose upright as soon +as I entered her room, and gazed at me with such insistent inquiry that, +after having unsuccessfully attempted to explain myself, I ended by +silently handing her the ring. She turned frightfully pale, her eyes +opened unusually wide and turned dim like _his_.--She uttered a faint +cry, seized the ring, reeled, fell upon my breast, and fairly swooned +there, with her head thrown back and devouring me with those wide, mad +eyes. I encircled her waist with both arms, and standing still on one +spot, never stirring, I slowly narrated everything, without the +slightest reservation, to her, in a quiet voice: my dream and the +meeting, and everything, everything.... She heard me out to the end, +only her breast heaved more and more strongly, and her eyes suddenly +grew more animated and drooped. Then she put the ring on her fourth +finger, and, retreating a little, began to get out a mantilla and a hat. +I asked where she was going. She raised a surprised glance to me and +tried to answer, but her voice failed her. She shuddered several times, +rubbed her hands as though endeavouring to warm herself, and at last she +said: "Let us go at once thither." + +"Whither, mother dear?" + +"Where he is lying.... I want to see ... I want to know ... I shall +identify...." + +I tried to persuade her not to go; but she was almost in hysterics. I +understood that it was impossible to oppose her desire, and we set out. + + + + +XVII + + +And lo, again I am walking over the sand of the dunes, but I am no +longer alone, I am walking arm in arm with my mother. The sea has +retreated, has gone still further away; it is quieting down; but even +its diminished roar is menacing and ominous. Here, at last, the solitary +rock has shown itself ahead of us--and there is the seaweed. I look +intently, I strive to distinguish that rounded object lying on the +ground--but I see nothing. We approach closer. I involuntarily retard my +steps. But where is that black, motionless thing? Only the stalks of the +seaweed stand out darkly against the sand, which is already dry.... We +go to the very rock.... The corpse is nowhere to be seen, and only on +the spot where it had lain there still remains a depression, and one can +make out where the arms and legs lay.... Round about the seaweed seems +tousled, and the traces of one man's footsteps are discernible; they go +across the down, then disappear on reaching the flinty ridge. + +My mother and I exchange glances and are ourselves frightened at what we +read on our own faces.... + +Can he have got up of himself and gone away? + +"But surely thou didst behold him dead?" she asks in a whisper. + +I can only nod my head. Three hours have not elapsed since I stumbled +upon the baron's body.... Some one had discovered it and carried it +away.--I must find out who had done it, and what had become of him. + +But first of all I must attend to my mother. + + + + +XVIII + + +While she was on her way to the fatal spot she was in a fever, but she +controlled herself. The disappearance of the corpse had startled her as +the crowning misfortune. She was stupefied. I feared for her reason. +With great difficulty I got her home. I put her to bed again; again I +called the doctor for her; but as soon as my mother partly recovered her +senses she at once demanded that I should instantly set out in search of +"that man." I obeyed. But, despite all possible measures, I discovered +nothing. I went several times to the police-office, I visited all the +villages in the neighbourhood, I inserted several advertisements in the +newspapers, I made inquiries in every direction--all in vain! It is true +that I did hear that a drowned man had been found at one of the hamlets +on the seashore.... I immediately hastened thither, but he was already +buried, and from all the tokens he did not resemble the baron. I found +out on what ship he had sailed for America. At first every one was +positive that that ship had perished during the tempest; but several +months afterward rumours began to circulate to the effect that it had +been seen at anchor in the harbour of New York. Not knowing what to do, +I set about hunting up the negro whom I had seen.--I offered him, +through the newspapers, a very considerable sum of money if he would +present himself at our house. A tall negro in a cloak actually did come +to the house in my absence.... But after questioning the servant-maid, +he suddenly went away and returned no more. + +And thus the trace of my ... my father grew cold; thus did it vanish +irrevocably in the mute gloom. My mother and I never spoke of him. Only, +one day, I remember that she expressed surprise at my never having +alluded before to my strange dream; and then she added: "Of course, it +really ..." and did not finish her sentence. + +My mother was ill for a long time, and after her convalescence our +former relations were not reëstablished. She felt awkward in my presence +until the day of her death.... Precisely that, awkward. And there was no +way of helping her in her grief. Everything becomes smoothed down, the +memories of the most tragic family events gradually lose their force and +venom; but if a feeling of awkwardness has been set up between two +closely-connected persons, it is impossible to extirpate it! + +I have never again had that dream which had been wont so to disturb me; +I no longer "search for" my father; but it has sometimes seemed to +me--and it seems so to me to this day--that in my sleep I hear distant +shrieks, unintermittent, melancholy plaints; they resound somewhere +behind a lofty wall, across which it is impossible to clamber; they +rend my heart--and I am utterly unable to comprehend what it is: whether +it is a living man groaning, or whether I hear the wild, prolonged roar +of the troubled sea. And now it passes once more into that beast-like +growl--and I awake with sadness and terror in my soul. + + + + + + +FATHER ALEXYÉI'S STORY + +(1877) + + + + +Twenty years ago I was obliged--in my capacity of private inspector--to +make the circuit of all my aunt's rather numerous estates. The parish +priests, with whom I regarded it as my duty to make acquaintance, proved +to be individuals of pretty much one pattern, and made after one model, +as it were. At length, in about the last of the estates which I was +inspecting, I hit upon a priest who did not resemble his brethren. He +was a very aged man, almost decrepit; and had it not been for the urgent +entreaties of his parishioners, who loved and respected him, he would +long before have petitioned to be retired that he might rest. Two +peculiarities impressed me in Father Alexyéi (that was the priest's +name). In the first place, he not only asked nothing for himself but +announced plainly that he required nothing; and, in the second place, I +have never beheld in any human face a more sorrowful, thoroughly +indifferent--what is called an "overwhelmed"--expression. The features +of that face were of the ordinary rustic type: a wrinkled forehead, +small grey eyes, a large nose, a wedge-shaped beard, a swarthy, +sunburned skin.... But the expression! ... the expression!... In that +dim gaze life barely burned, and sadly at that; and his voice also was, +somehow, lifeless and dim. + +I fell ill and kept my bed for several days. Father Alexyéi dropped in +to see me in the evenings, not to chat, but to play "fool."[16] The game +of cards seemed to divert him more than it did me. One day, after having +been left "the fool" several times in succession (which delighted Father +Alexyéi not a little), I turned the conversation on his past life, on +the afflictions which had left on him such manifest traces. Father +Alexyéi remained obdurate for a long time at first, but ended by +relating to me his story. He must have taken a liking to me for some +reason or other. Otherwise he would not have been so frank with me. + +I shall endeavour to transmit his story in his own words. Father Alexyéi +talked very simply and intelligently, without any seminary or provincial +tricks and turns of speech. It was not the first time I had noticed that +Russians, of all classes and callings, who have been violently shattered +and humbled express themselves precisely in such language. + +... I had a good and sedate wife [thus he began], I loved her heartily, +and we begat eight children. One of my sons became a bishop, and died +not so very long ago, in his diocese. I shall now tell you about my +other son,--Yákoff was his name. I sent him to the seminary in the town +of T----, and soon began to receive the most comforting reports about +him. He was the best pupil in all the branches! Even at home, in his +boyhood, he had been distinguished for his diligence and discretion; a +whole day would sometimes pass without one's hearing him ... he would be +sitting all the time over his book, reading. He never caused me and my +wife[17] the slightest displeasure; he was a meek lad. Only sometimes he +was thoughtful beyond his years, and his health was rather weak. Once +something remarkable happened to him. He left the house at daybreak, on +St. Peter's day,[18] and was gone almost all the morning. At last he +returned. My wife and I ask him: "Where hast thou been?" + +"I have been for a ramble in the forest," says he, "and there I met a +certain little green old man, who talked a great deal with me, and gave +me such savoury nuts!" + +"What little green old man art thou talking about?" we ask him. + +"I don't know," says he; "I never saw him before. He was a little old +man with a hump, and he kept shifting from one to the other of his +little feet, and laughing--and he was all green, just like a leaf." + +"What," say we, "and was his face green also?" + +"Yes, his face, and his hair, and even his eyes." + +Our son had never lied to us; but this time my wife and I had our +doubts. + +"Thou must have fallen asleep in the forest, in the heat of the day, and +have seen that old man in thy dreams." + +"I wasn't asleep at all," says he. "Why, don't you believe me?" says +he. "See here, I have one of the nuts left in my pocket." + +Yákoff pulled the nut out of his pocket and showed it to us.--The kernel +was small, in the nature of a chestnut, and rather rough; it did not +resemble our ordinary nuts. I laid it aside, and intended to show it to +the doctor ... but it got lost.... I did not find it again. + +Well, sir, so we sent him to the seminary, and, as I have already +informed you, he rejoiced us by his success. So my spouse and I assumed +that he would turn out a fine man! When he came for a sojourn at home it +was a pleasure to look at him; he was so comely, and there was no +mischief about him;--every one liked him, every one congratulated us. +Only he was still rather thin of body, and there was no real good +rosiness in his face. So then, he was already in his nineteenth year, +and his education would soon be finished. When suddenly we receive from +him a letter.--He writes to us: "Dear father and mother, be not wroth +with me, permit me to be a layman;[19] my heart does not incline to the +ecclesiastical profession, I dread the responsibility, I am afraid I +shall sin--doubts have taken hold upon me! Without your parental +permission and blessing I shall venture on nothing--but one thing I will +tell you; I am afraid of myself, for I have begun to think a great +deal." + +I assure you, my dear sir, that this letter made me very sad,--as though +a boar-spear had pricked my heart,--for I saw that I should have no one +to take my place![20] My eldest son was a monk; and this one wanted to +abandon his vocation altogether. I was also pained because priests from +our family have lived in our parish for close upon two hundred years. +But I thought to myself: "There's no use in kicking against the pricks; +evidently, so it was predestined for him. What sort of a pastor would he +be if he has admitted doubt to his mind?" I took counsel with my wife, +and wrote to him in the following sense: + +"Think it over well, my son Yákoff; measure ten times before you cut +off once--there are great difficulties in the worldly service, cold and +hunger, and scorn for our caste! And thou must know beforehand that no +one will lend a hand to aid; so see to it that thou dost not repine +afterward. My desire, as thou knowest, has always been that thou +shouldst succeed me; but if thou really hast come to cherish doubts as +to thy calling and hast become unsteady in the faith, then it is not my +place to restrain thee. The Lord's will be done! Thy mother and I will +not refuse thee our blessing." + +Yákoff answered me with a grateful letter. "Thou hast rejoiced me, dear +father," said he. "It is my intention to devote myself to the profession +of learning, and I have some protection; I shall enter the university +and become a doctor, for I feel a strong bent for science." I read +Yáshka's letter and became sadder than before; but I did not share my +grief with any one. My old woman caught a severe cold about that time +and died--from that same cold, or the Lord took her to Himself because +He loved her, I know not which. I used to weep and weep because I was a +lonely widower--but what help was there for that?[21] So it had to be, +you know. And I would have been glad to go into the earth ... but it is +hard ... it will not open. And I was expecting my son; for he had +notified me: "Before I go to Moscow," he said, "I shall look in at +home." And he did come to the parental roof, but did not remain there +long. It seemed as though something were urging him on; he would have +liked, apparently, to fly on wings to Moscow, to his beloved university! +I began to question him as to his doubts. "What was the cause of them?" +I asked. But I did not get much out of him. One idea had pushed itself +into his head, and that was the end of it! "I want to help my +neighbours," he said.--Well, sir, he left me. I don't believe he took a +penny with him, only a few clothes. He had such reliance on himself! And +not without reason. He passed an excellent examination, matriculated as +student, obtained lessons in private houses.... He was very strong on +the ancient languages! And what think you? He took it into his head to +send me money. I cheered up a little,--not on account of the money, of +course,--I sent that back to him, and even scolded him; but I cheered up +because I saw that the young fellow would make his way in the world. But +my rejoicing did not last long.... + +He came to me for his first vacation.... And, what marvel is this? I do +not recognise my Yákoff! He had grown so tiresome and surly,--you +couldn't get a word out of him. And his face had changed also: he had +grown about ten years older. He had been taciturn before, there's no +denying that! At the slightest thing he would grow shy and blush like a +girl.... But when he raised his eyes, you could see that all was bright +in his soul! But now it was quite different. He was not shy, but he held +aloof, like a wolf, and was always looking askance. He had neither a +smile nor a greeting for any one--he was just like a stone! If I +undertook to interrogate him, he would either remain silent or snarl. I +began to wonder whether he had taken to drink--which God forbid!--or had +conceived a passion for cards; or whether something in the line of a +weakness for women had happened to him. In youth love-longings act +powerfully,--well, and in such a large city as Moscow bad examples and +occasions are not lacking. But no; nothing of that sort was discernible. +His drink was kvas[22] and water; he never looked at the female sex--and +had no intercourse with people in general. And what was most bitter of +all to me, he did not have his former confidence in me; a sort of +indifference had made its appearance, just as though everything belonging +to him had become loathsome to him. I turned the conversation on the +sciences, on the university, but even there could get no real answer. He +went to church, but he was not devoid of peculiarities there also; +everywhere he was grim and scowling, but in church he seemed always +to be grinning. + +After this fashion he spent six weeks with me, then went back to Moscow. +From Moscow he wrote to me twice, and it seemed to me, from his letters, +as though he were regaining his sensibilities. But picture to yourself +my surprise, my dear sir! Suddenly, in the very middle of the winter, +just before the Christmas holidays, he presents himself before me! + +"How didst thou get here? How is this? What's the matter? I know that +thou hast no vacation at this time.--Dost thou come from Moscow?"--I +ask. + +"Yes." + +"And how about ... the university?" + +"I have left the university." + +"Thou hast left it?" + +"Just so." + +"For good?" + +"For good." + +"But art thou ill, pray, Yákoff?" + +"No, father," says he, "I am not ill; but just don't bother me and +question me, dear father, or I will go away from here--and that's the +last thou wilt ever see of me." + +Yákoff tells me that he is not ill, but his face is such that I am +fairly frightened. It was dreadful, dark--not human, actually!--His +cheeks were drawn, his cheek-bones projected, he was mere skin and bone; +his voice sounded as though it proceeded from a barrel ... while his +eyes.... O Lord and Master! what eyes!--menacing, wild, incessantly +darting from side to side, and it was impossible to catch them; his +brows were knit, his lips seemed to be twisted on one side.... What had +happened to my Joseph Most Fair,[23] to my quiet lad? I cannot +comprehend it. "Can he have gone crazy?" I say to myself. He roams about +like a spectre by night, he does not sleep,--and then, all of a sudden, +he will take to staring into a corner as though he were completely +benumbed.... It was enough to scare one! + +Although he had threatened to leave the house if I did not leave him in +peace, yet surely I was his father! My last hope was ruined--yet I was +to hold my tongue! So one day, availing myself of an opportunity, I +began to entreat Yákoff with tears, I began to adjure him by the memory +of his dead mother: + +"Tell me," I said, "as thy father in the flesh and in the spirit, Yásha, +what aileth thee? Do not kill me; explain thyself, lighten thy heart! +Can it be that thou hast ruined some Christian soul? If so, repent!" + +"Well, dear father," he suddenly says to me (this took place toward +nightfall), "thou hast moved me to compassion. I will tell thee the +whole truth. I have not ruined any Christian soul--but my own soul is +going to perdition." + +"How is that?" + +"In this way...." And thereupon Yákoff raised his eyes to mine for the +first time.--"It is going on four months now," he began.... But suddenly +he broke off and began to breathe heavily. + +"What about the fourth month? Tell me, do not make me suffer!" + +"This is the fourth month that I have been seeing him." + +"Him? Who is he?" + +"Why, the person ... whom it is awkward to mention at night." + +I fairly turned cold all over and fell to quaking. + +"What?!" I said, "dost thou see _him_?" + +"Yes." + +"And dost thou see him now?" + +"Yes." + +"Where?" And I did not dare to turn round, and we both spoke in a +whisper. + +"Why, yonder ..." and he indicated the spot with his eyes ... "yonder, +in the corner." + +I summoned up my courage and looked at the corner; there was nothing +there. + +"Why, good gracious, there is nothing there, Yákoff!" + +"_Thou_ dost not see him, but I do." + +Again I glanced round ... again nothing. Suddenly there recurred to my +mind the little old man in the forest who had given him the chestnut. +"What does he look like?" I said.... "Is he green?" + +"No, he is not green, but black." + +"Has he horns?" + +"No, he is like a man,--only all black." + +As Yákoff speaks he displays his teeth in a grin and turns as pale as a +corpse, and huddles up to me in terror; and his eyes seem on the point +of popping out of his head, and he keeps staring at the corner. + +"Why, it is a shadow glimmering faintly," I say. "That is the blackness +from a shadow, but thou mistakest it for a man." + +"Nothing of the sort!--And I see his eyes: now he is rolling up the +whites, now he is raising his hand, he is calling me." + +"Yákoff, Yákoff, thou shouldst try to pray; this obsession would +disperse. Let God arise and His enemies shall be scattered!" + +"I have tried," says he, "but it has no effect." + +"Wait, wait, Yákoff, do not lose thy courage. I will fumigate with +incense; I will recite a prayer; I will sprinkle holy water around +thee." + +Yákoff merely waved his hand. "I believe neither in thy incense nor in +holy water; they don't help worth a farthing. I cannot get rid of him +now. Ever since he came to me last summer, on one accursed day, he has +been my constant visitor, and he cannot be driven away, Understand this, +father, and do not wonder any longer at my behaviour--and do not torment +me." + +"On what day did he come to thee?" I ask him, and all the while I am +making the sign of the cross over him. "Was it not when thou didst write +about thy doubts?" + +Yákoff put away my hand. + +"Let me alone, dear father," says he, "don't excite me to wrath lest +worse should come of it. I'm not far from laying hands on myself, as it +is." + +You can imagine, my dear sir, how I felt when I heard that.... I +remember that I wept all night. "How have I deserved such wrath from the +Lord?" I thought to myself. + +At this point Father Alexyéi drew from his pocket a checked handkerchief +and began to blow his nose, and stealthily wiped his eyes, by the way. + +A bad time began for us then [he went on]. I could think of but one +thing: how to prevent him from running away, or--which the Lord +forbid!--of actually doing himself some harm! I watched his every step, +and was afraid to enter into conversation.--And there dwelt near us at +that time a neighbour, the widow of a colonel, Márfa Sávishna was her +name; I cherished a great respect for her, because she was a quiet, +sensible woman, in spite of the fact that she was young and comely. I +was in the habit of going to her house frequently, and she did not +despise my vocation.[24] Not knowing, in my grief and anguish, what to +do, I just told her all about it.--At first she was greatly alarmed, and +even thoroughly frightened; but later on she became thoughtful. For a +long time she deigned to sit thus, in silence; and then she expressed a +wish to see my son and converse with him. And I felt that I ought +without fail to comply with her wish; for it was not feminine curiosity +which prompted it in this case, but something else. + +On returning home I began to persuade Yákoff. "Come with me to see the +colonel's widow," I said to him. + +He began to flourish his legs and arms! + +"I won't go to her," says he, "not on any account! What shall I talk to +her about?" He even began to shout at me. But at last I conquered him, +and hitching up my little sledge, I drove him to Márfa Sávishna's, and, +according to our compact, I left him alone with her. I was surprised at +his having consented so speedily. Well, never mind,--we shall see. Three +or four hours later my Yákoff returns. + +"Well," I ask, "how did our little neighbour please thee?" + +He made me no answer. I asked him again. + +"She is a virtuous woman," I said.--"I suppose she was amiable with +thee?" + +"Yes," he says, "she is not like the others." + +I saw that he seemed to have softened a little. And I made up my mind to +question him then and there.... + +"And how about the obsession?" I said. + +Yákoff looked at me as though I had lashed him with a whip, and again +made no reply. I did not worry him further, and left the room; and an +hour later I went to the door and peeped through the keyhole.... And +what do you think?--My Yásha was asleep! He was lying on the couch and +sleeping. I crossed myself several times in succession. "May the Lord +send Márfa Sávishna every blessing!" I said. "Evidently, she has managed +to touch his embittered heart, the dear little dove!" + +The next day I see Yákoff take his cap.... I think to myself: "Shall I +ask him whither he is going?--But no, better not ask ... it certainly +must be to her!"... And, in point of fact, Yákoff did set off for Márfa +Sávishna's house--and sat with her still longer than before; and on the +day following he did it again! Then again, the next day but one! My +spirits began to revive, for I saw that a change was coming over my son, +and his face had grown quite different, and it was becoming possible to +look into his eyes: he did not turn away. He was just as depressed as +ever, but his former despair and terror had disappeared. But before I +had recovered my cheerfulness to any great extent everything again broke +off short! Yákoff again became wild, and again it was impossible to +approach him. He sat locked up in his little room, and went no more to +the widow's. + +"Can it be possible," I thought, "that he has hurt her feelings in some +way, and she has forbidden him the house?--But no," I thought ... +"although he is unhappy he would not dare to do such a thing; and +besides, she is not that sort of woman." + +At last I could endure it no longer, and I interrogated him: "Well, +Yákoff, how about our neighbour?... Apparently thou hast forgotten her +altogether." + +But he fairly roared at me:--"Our neighbour? Dost thou want _him_ to +jeer at me?" + +"What?" I say.--Then he even clenched his fists and ... got perfectly +furious. + +"Yes!" he says; and formerly he had only towered up after a fashion, but +now he began to laugh and show his teeth.--"Away! Begone!" + +To whom these words were addressed I know not! My legs would hardly bear +me forth, to such a degree was I frightened. Just imagine: his face was +the colour of red copper, he was foaming at the mouth, his voice was +hoarse, exactly as though some one were choking him!... And that very +same day I went--I, the orphan of orphans--to Márfa Sávishna ... and +found her in great affliction. Even her outward appearance had undergone +a change: she had grown thin in the face. But she would not talk with me +about my son. Only one thing she did say: that no human aid could effect +anything in that case. "Pray, father," she said,--and then she presented +me with one hundred rubles,--"for the poor and sick of your parish," she +said. And again she repeated: "Pray!"--O Lord! As if I had not prayed +without that--prayed day and night! + +Here Father Alexyéi again pulled out his handkerchief, and again wiped +away his tears, but not by stealth this time, and after resting for a +little while, he resumed his cheerless narrative. + +Yákoff and I then began to descend as a snowball rolls down hill, and +both of us could see that an abyss lay at the foot of the hill; but how +were we to hold back, and what measures could we take? And it was +utterly impossible to conceal this; my entire parish was greatly +disturbed, and said: "The priest's son has gone mad; he is possessed of +devils,--and the authorities ought to be informed of all this."--And +people infallibly would have informed the authorities had not my +parishioners taken pity on me ... for which I thank them. In the +meantime winter was drawing to an end, and spring was approaching.--And +such a spring as God sent!--fair and bright, such as even the old people +could not remember: the sun shone all day long, there was no wind, and +the weather was warm! And then a happy thought occurred to me: to +persuade Yákoff to go off with me to do reverence to Mitrofány, in +Vorónezh. "If that last remedy is of no avail," I thought, "well, then, +there is but one hope left--the grave!" + +So I was sitting one day on the porch just before evening, and the +sunset glow was flaming in the sky, and the larks were warbling, and the +apple-trees were in bloom, and the grass was growing green.... I was +sitting and meditating how I could communicate my intention to Yákoff. +Suddenly, lo and behold! he came out on the porch; he stood, gazed +around, sighed, and sat down on the step by my side. I was even +frightened out of joy, but I did nothing except hold my tongue. But he +sits and looks at the sunset glow, and not a word does he utter either. +But it seemed to me as though he had become softened, the furrows on his +brow had been smoothed away, his eyes had even grown bright.... A little +more, it seemed, and a tear would have burst forth! On beholding such a +change in him I--excuse me!--grew bold. + +"Yákoff," I said to him, "do thou hearken to me without anger...." And +then I informed him of my intention; how we were both to go to Saint +Mitrofány on foot; and it is about one hundred and fifty versts to +Vorónezh from our parts; and how pleasant it would be for us two, in the +spring chill, having risen before dawn, to walk and walk over the green +grass, along the highway; and how, if we made proper obeisance and +prayed before the shrine of the holy man, perhaps--who knows?--the Lord +God would show mercy upon us, and he would receive healing, of which +there had already been many instances. And just imagine my happiness, my +dear sir! + +"Very well," says Yákoff, only he does not turn round, but keeps on +gazing at the sky.--"I consent. Let us go." + +I was fairly stupefied.... + +"My friend," I say, "my dear little dove, my benefactor!"... But he asks +me: + +"When shall we set out?" + +"Why, to-morrow, if thou wilt," I say. + +So on the following day we started. We slung wallets over our shoulders, +took staves in our hands, and set forth. For seven whole days we trudged +on, and all the while the weather favoured us, and was even downright +wonderful! There was neither sultry heat nor rain; the flies did not +bite, the dust did not make us itch. And every day my Yákoff acquired a +better aspect. I must tell you that Yákoff had not been in the habit of +seeing _that one_ in the open air, but had felt him behind him, close to +his back, or his shadow had seemed to be gliding alongside, which +troubled my son greatly. But on this occasion nothing of that sort +happened, and nothing made its appearance. We talked very little +together ... but how greatly at our ease we felt--especially I! I saw +that my poor boy was coming to life again. I cannot describe to you, my +dear sir, what my feelings were then.--Well, we reached Vorónezh at +last. We cleaned up ourselves and washed ourselves, and went to the +cathedral, to the holy man. For three whole days we hardly left the +temple. How many prayer-services we celebrated, how many candles we +placed before the holy pictures! And everything was going well, +everything was fine; the days were devout, the nights were tranquil; my +Yákoff slept like an infant. He began to talk to me of his own accord. +He would ask: "Dost thou see nothing, father dear?" and smile. "No, I +see nothing," I would answer.--What more could be demanded? My gratitude +to the saint was unbounded. + +Three days passed; I said to Yákoff: "Well, now, dear son, the matter +has been set in order; there's a festival in our street. One thing +remains to be done; do thou make thy confession and receive the +communion; and then, with God's blessing, we will go our way, and after +having got duly rested, and worked a bit on the farm to increase thy +strength, thou mayest bestir thyself and find a place--and Márfa +Sávishna will certainly help us in that," I said. + +"No," said Yákoff, "why should we trouble her? But I will take her a +ring from Mitrofány's hand." + +Thereupon I was greatly encouraged. "See to it," I said, "that thou +takest a silver ring, not a gold one,--not a wedding-ring!" + +My Yákoff flushed up and merely repeated that it was not proper to +trouble her, but immediately assented to all the rest.--We went to the +cathedral on the following day; my Yákoff made his confession, and +prayed so fervently before it! And then he went forward to take the +communion. I was standing a little to one side, and did not feel the +earth under me for joy.... It is no sweeter for the angels in heaven! +But as I look--what is the meaning of that?--My Yákoff has received the +communion, but does not go to sip the warm water and wine![25] He is +standing with his back to me.... I go to him. + +"Yákoff," I say, "why art thou standing here?" + +He suddenly wheels round. Will you believe it, I sprang back, so +frightened was I!--His face had been dreadful before, but now it had +become ferocious, frightful! He was as pale as death, his hair stood on +end, his eyes squinted.... I even lost my voice with terror. I tried to +speak and could not; I was perfectly benumbed.... And he fairly rushed +out of the church! I ran after him ... but he fled straight to the +tavern where we had put up, flung his wallet over his shoulder, and away +he flew! + +"Whither?" I shouted to him. "Yákoff, what aileth thee? Stop, wait!" + +But Yákoff never uttered a word in reply to me, but ran like a hare, and +it was utterly impossible to overtake him! He disappeared from sight. I +immediately turned back, hired a cart, and trembled all over, and all I +could say was: "O Lord!" and, "O Lord!" And I understood nothing: some +calamity had descended upon us! I set out for home, for I thought, "He +has certainly fled thither."--And so he had. Six versts out of the town +I espied him; he was striding along the highway. I overtook him, jumped +out of the cart, and rushed to him. + +"Yásha! Yásha!"--He halted, turned his face toward me, but kept his eyes +fixed on the ground and compressed his lips. And say what I would to +him, he stood there just like a statue, and one could just see that he +was breathing. And at last he trudged on again along the highway.--What +was there to do? I followed him.... + +Akh, what a journey that was, my dear sir! Great as had been our joy on +the way to Vorónezh, just so great was the horror of the return! I would +try to speak to him, and he would begin to gnash his teeth at me over +his shoulder, precisely like a tiger or a hyena! Why I did not go mad I +do not understand to this day! And at last, one night, in a peasant's +chicken-house, he was sitting on the platform over the oven and dangling +his feet and gazing about on all sides, when I fell on my knees before +him and began to weep, and besought him with bitter entreaty: + +"Do not slay thy old father outright," I said; "do not let him fall +into despair--tell me what has happened to thee?" + +He glanced at me as though he did not see who was before him, and +suddenly began to speak, but in such a voice that it rings in my ears +even now. + +"Listen, daddy," said he. "Dost thou wish to know the whole truth? When +I had taken the communion, thou wilt remember, and still held the +particle[26] in my mouth, suddenly _he_ (and that was in the church, in +the broad daylight!) stood in front of me, just as though he had sprung +out of the ground, and whispered to me ... (but he had never spoken to +me before)--whispered: 'Spit it out, and grind it to powder!' I did so; +I spat it out, and ground it under foot. And now it must be that I am +lost forever, for every sin shall be forgiven, save the sin against the +Holy Spirit...." + +And having uttered these dreadful words, my son threw himself back on +the platform and I dropped down on the floor of the hut.... My legs +failed me.... + +Father Alexyéi paused for a moment, and covered his eyes with his hand. + +But why should I weary you longer [he went on], and myself? My son and I +dragged ourselves home, and there he soon afterward expired, and I lost +my Yásha. For several days before his death he neither ate nor drank, +but kept running back and forth in the room and repeating that there +could be no forgiveness for his sin.... But he never saw _him_ again. +"He has ruined my soul," he said; "and why should he come any more +now?" And when Yákoff took to his bed, he immediately sank into +unconsciousness, and thus, without repentance, like a senseless worm, +he went from this life to life eternal.... + +But I will not believe that the Lord judged harshly.... + +And among other reasons why I do not believe it is, that he looked so +well in his coffin; he seemed to have grown young again and resembled +the Yákoff of days gone by. His face was so tranquil and pure, his hair +curled in little rings, and there was a smile on his lips. Márfa +Sávishna came to look at him, and said the same thing. She encircled him +all round with flowers, and laid flowers on his heart, and set up the +gravestone at her own expense. + +And I was left alone.... And that is why, my dear sir, you have beheld +such great grief on my face.... It will never pass off---and it cannot. + +I wanted to speak a word of comfort to Father Alexyéi ... but could +think of none. We parted soon after. + + + + + + +OLD PORTRAITS[27] + +(1881) + + + + +About forty versts from our village there dwelt, many years ago, the +great-uncle of my mother, a retired Sergeant of the Guards and a fairly +wealthy landed proprietor, Alexyéi Sergyéitch Telyégin, on his ancestral +estate, Sukhodól. He never went anywhere himself, and therefore did not +visit us; but I was sent to pay my respects to him a couple of times a +year, at first with my governor, and later on alone. Alexyéi Sergyéitch +always received me very cordially, and I spent three or four days with +him. He was already an old man when I made his acquaintance; I remember +that I was twelve years old at my first visit, and he was already over +seventy. He had been born under the Empress Elizabeth, in the last year +of her reign. He lived alone with his wife, Malánya Pávlovna; she was +ten years younger than he. They had had two daughters who had been +married long before, and rarely visited Sukhodól; there had been +quarrels between them and their parents,[28] and Alexyéi Sergyéitch +hardly ever mentioned them. + +I see that ancient, truly noble steppe home as though it stood before me +now. Of one story, with a huge mezzanine,[29] erected at the beginning +of the present century from wonderfully thick pine beams--such beams +were brought at that epoch from the Zhízdrin pine forests; there is no +trace of them nowadays!--it was very spacious and contained a multitude +of rooms, which were decidedly low-ceiled and dark, it is true, and the +windows were mere slits in the walls, for the sake of warmth. As was +proper, the offices and the house-serfs' cottages surrounded the +manor-house on all sides, and a park adjoined it, small but with fine +fruit-trees, pellucid apples and seedless pears; for ten versts round +about stretched out the flat, black-loam steppe. There was no lofty +object for the eye: neither a tree nor a belfry; only here and there a +windmill reared itself aloft with holes in its wings; it was a regular +Sukhodól! (Dry Valley). Inside the house the rooms were filled with +ordinary, plain furniture; rather unusual was a verst-post which stood +on a window-sill in the hall, and bore the following inscription: + +"If thou walkest 68 times around this hall,[30] thou wilt have gone a +verst; if thou goest 87 times from the extreme corner of the +drawing-room to the right corner of the billiard-room, thou wilt have +gone a verst,"--and so forth. But what most impressed the guest who +arrived for the first time was the great number of pictures hung on the +walls, for the most part the work of so-called Italian masters: ancient +landscapes, and mythological and religious subjects. But as all these +pictures had turned very black, and had even become warped, all that met +the eye was patches of flesh-colour, or a billowy red drapery on an +invisible body--or an arch which seemed suspended in the air, or a +dishevelled tree with blue foliage, or the bosom of a nymph with a large +nipple, like the cover of a soup-tureen; a sliced watermelon, with black +seeds; a turban, with a feather above a horse's head; or the gigantic, +light-brown leg of some apostle or other, with a muscular calf and +up-turned toes, suddenly protruded itself. In the drawing-room, in the +place of honour, hung a portrait of the Empress Katherine II, full +length, a copy from Lampi's well-known portrait--the object of special +reverence, one may say adoration, for the master of the house. From the +ceiling depended crystal chandeliers in bronze fittings, very small and +very dusty. + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch himself was a very squat, pot-bellied, little old +man, with a plump, but agreeable face all of one colour, with sunken +lips and very vivacious little eyes beneath lofty eyebrows. He brushed +his scanty hair over the back of his head; it was only since the year +1812 that he had discarded powder. Alexyéi Sergyéitch always wore a grey +"redingote" with three capes which fell over his shoulders, a striped +waistcoat, chamois-leather breeches and dark-red morocco short boots +with a heart-shaped cleft, and a tassel at the top of the leg; he wore a +white muslin neckerchief, a frill, lace cuffs, and two golden English +"onions,"[31] one in each pocket of his waistcoat. In his right hand he +generally held an enamelled snuff-box with "Spanish" snuff, while his +left rested on a cane with a silver handle which had been worn quite +smooth with long use. Alexyéi Sergyéitch had a shrill, nasal voice, and +was incessantly smiling, amiably, but somewhat patronisingly, not +without a certain self-satisfied pompousness. He also laughed in an +amiable manner, with a fine, thin laugh like a string of wax pearls. He +was courteous and affable, in the ancient manner of Katherine's day, and +moved his hands slowly and with a circular motion, also in ancient +style. On account of his weak legs he could not walk, but he was wont +to trip with hurried little steps from one arm-chair to another +arm-chair, in which he suddenly seated himself--or, rather, he fell into +it, as softly as though he had been a pillow. + +As I have already said, Alexyéi Sergyéitch never went anywhere, and +associated very little with the neighbours, although he was fond of +society,--for he was loquacious! He had plenty of society in his own +house, it is true: divers Nikanór Nikanóritches, Sevastyéi +Sevastyéitches, Fedúlitches, and Mikhéitches, all poverty-stricken petty +nobles, in threadbare kazák coats and short jackets, frequently from his +own noble shoulders, dwelt beneath his roof, not to mention the poor +gentlewomen in cotton-print gowns, with black kerchiefs on their +shoulders, and worsted reticules in their tightly-clenched +fingers,--divers Avdótiya Sávishnas, Pelagéya Mirónovnas, and plain +Feklúskas and Arínkas, who received asylum in the women's wing. No less +than fifteen persons ever sat down to Alexyéi Sergyéitch's table ... he +was so hospitable!--Among all these parasites two individuals stood +forth with special prominence: a dwarf named Janus or the Two-faced, a +Dane,--or, as some asserted, of Jewish extraction,--and crazy Prince L. +In contrast to the customs of that day the dwarf did not in the least +serve as a butt for the guests, and was not a jester; on the contrary, +he maintained constant silence, wore an irate and surly mien, +contracted his brows in a frown, and gnashed his teeth as soon as any +one addressed a question to him. Alexyéi Sergyéitch also called him a +philosopher, and even respected him. At table he was always the first to +be served after the guests and the master and mistress of the +house.--"God has wronged him," Alexyéi Sergyéitch was wont to say: "that +was the Lord's will; but it is not my place to wrong him." + +"Why is he a philosopher?" I asked one day. (Janus did not like me. No +sooner would I approach him, than he would begin to snarl and growl +hoarsely, "Stranger! don't bother me!") + +"But God have mercy, why isn't he a philosopher?" replied Alexyéi +Sergyéitch. "Just observe, my little gentleman, how finely he holds his +tongue!" + +"But why is he two-faced?" + +"Because, my young sir, he has one face outside; there it is for you, +ninny, and judge it.... But the other, the real one, he hides. And I am +the only one who knows that face, and for that I love him.... Because 't +is a good face. Thou, for example, gazest and beholdest nothing ... but +even without words, I see when he is condemning me for anything; for he +is strict! And always with reason. Which thing thou canst not +understand, young sir; but just believe me, an old man!" + +The true history of the two-faced Janus--whence he had come, how he had +got into Alexyéi Sergyéitch's house--no one knew. On the other hand, the +story of Prince L. was well known to all. As a young man of twenty, he +had come from a wealthy and distinguished family to Petersburg, to serve +in a regiment of the Guards; the Empress Katherine noticed him at the +first Court reception, and halting in front of him and pointing to him +with her fan, she said, in a loud voice, addressing one of her +favourites: "Look, Adám Vasílievitch, see what a beauty! A regular +doll!" The blood flew to the poor young fellow's head. On reaching home +he ordered his calash to be harnessed up, and donning his ribbon of the +Order of Saint Anna, he started out to drive all over the town, as +though he had actually fallen into luck.--"Crush every one who does not +get out of the way!" he shouted to his coachman.--All this was +immediately brought to the Empress's knowledge; an order was issued that +he was to be adjudged insane and given in charge of his two brothers; +and the latter, without the least delay, carried him off to the country +and chained him up in a stone bag.--As they were desirous to make use of +his property, they did not release the unfortunate man even when he +recovered his senses and came to himself, but continued to keep him +incarcerated until he really did lose his mind.--But their wickedness +profited them nothing. Prince L. outlived his brothers, and after long +sufferings, found himself under the guardianship of Alexyéi Sergyéitch, +who was a connection of his. He was a fat, perfectly bald man, with a +long, thin nose and blue goggle-eyes. He had got entirely out of the way +of speaking--he merely mumbled something unintelligible; but he sang the +ancient Russian ballads admirably, having retained, to extreme old age, +his silvery freshness of voice, and in his singing he enunciated every +word clearly and distinctly. Something in the nature of fury came over +him at times, and then he became terrifying. He would stand in one +corner, with his face to the wall, and all perspiring and +crimson,--crimson all over his bald head to the nape of his neck. +Emitting a malicious laugh, and stamping his feet, he would issue orders +that some one was to be castigated,--probably his brothers.--"Thrash!"-- +he yelled hoarsely, choking and coughing with laughter,--"scourge, spare +not, thrash, thrash, thrash the monsters my malefactors! That's right! +That's right!" Just before he died he greatly amazed and frightened +Alexyéi Sergyéitch. He entered the latter's room all pale and quiet, and +inclining his body in obeisance to the girdle, he first returned thanks +for the asylum and oversight, and then requested that a priest might be +sent for; for Death had come to him--he had beheld her--and he must +pardon all men and whiten himself. + +"How was it that thou didst see her?" muttered the astounded Alexyéi +Sergyéitch, who now heard a coherent speech from him for the first +time.--"What is she like? Has she a scythe?" + +"No," replied Prince L.--"She's a plain old woman in a loose gown--only +she has but one eye in her forehead, and that eye has no lid." + +And on the following day Prince L. actually expired, after having +fulfilled all his religious obligations and taken leave of every one +intelligently and with emotion. + +"That's the way I shall die also," Alexyéi Sergyéitch was wont to +remark. And, in fact, something similar happened with him--of which, +later on. + +But now let us return to our former subject. Alexyéi Sergyéitch did not +consort with the neighbours, as I have already said; and they did not +like him any too well, calling him eccentric, arrogant, a mocker, and +even a Martinist who did not recognise the authorities, without +themselves understanding, of course, the meaning of the last word. To a +certain extent the neighbours were right. Alexyéi Sergyéitch had resided +for nearly seventy years in succession in his Sukhodól, having almost no +dealings whatever with the superior authorities, with the military +officials, or the courts. "The court is for the bandit, the military +officer for the soldier," he was wont to say; "but I, God be thanked, am +neither a bandit nor a soldier." Alexyéi Sergyéitch really was somewhat +eccentric, but the soul within him was not of the petty sort. I will +narrate a few things about him. + +I never found out authoritatively what were his political views, if, +indeed, one can apply to him such a very new-fangled expression; but he +was, in his way, rather an aristocrat than a nobly-born master of serfs. +More than once he complained because God had not given him a son and +heir "for the honour of the race, for the continuation of the family." +On the wall of his study hung the genealogical tree of the Telyégins, +with very profuse branches, and multitudinous circles in the shape of +apples, enclosed in a gilt frame. + +"We Telyégins,"[32] he said, "are a very ancient stock, existing from +remote antiquity; there have been a great many of us Telyégins, but we +have not run after foreigners, we have not bowed our backs, we have not +wearied ourselves by standing on the porches of the mighty, we have not +nourished ourselves on the courts, we have not earned wages, we have not +pined for Moscow, we have not intrigued in Peter;[33] we have sat +still, each on his place, his own master on his own land ... thrifty, +domesticated birds, my dear sir!--Although I myself have served in the +Guards, yet it was not for long, I thank you!" + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch preferred the olden days.--"Things were freer then, +more seemly, I assure you on my honour! But ever since the year one +thousand and eight hundred" (why precisely from that year he did not +explain), "this warring and this soldiering have come into fashion, my +dear fellow. These military gentlemen have mounted upon their heads some +sort of plumes made of cocks' tails, and made themselves like cocks; +they have drawn their necks up tightly, very tightly ... they speak in +hoarse tones, their eyes are popping out of their heads--and how can +they help being hoarse? The other day some police corporal or other came +to see me.--'I have come to you, Your Well-Born,' quoth he.... (A pretty +way he had chosen to surprise me! ... for I know myself that I am +well-born....) 'I have a matter of business with you.' But I said to him: +'Respected sir, first undo the hooks on thy collar. Otherwise, which God +forbid, thou wilt sneeze! Akh, what will become of thee! What will +become of thee!--Thou wilt burst like a puff-ball.... And I shall be +responsible for it!' And how they drink, those military +gentlemen--o-ho-ho! I generally give orders that they shall be served +with champagne from the Don, because Don champagne and Pontacq are all +the same to them; it slips down their throats so smoothly and so +fast--how are they to distinguish the difference? And here's another +thing: they have begun to suck that sucking-bottle, to smoke tobacco. A +military man will stick that same sucking-bottle under his moustache, +between his lips, and emit smoke through his nostrils, his mouth, and +even his ears--and think himself a hero! There are my horrid +sons-in-law, for example; although one of them is a senator, and the +other is some sort of a curator, they suck at the sucking-bottle +also,--and yet they regard themselves as clever men!..." + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch could not endure smoking tobacco, nor dogs, +especially small dogs.--"Come, if thou art a Frenchman, then keep a +lap-dog. Thou runnest, thou skippest hither and thither, and it follows +thee, with its tail in the air ... but of what use is it to fellows like +me?"--He was very neat and exacting. He never spoke of the Empress +Katherine otherwise than with enthusiasm, and in a lofty, somewhat +bookish style: "She was a demi-god, not a human being!--Only contemplate +yon smile, my good sir," he was wont to add, pointing at the Lampi +portrait, "and admit that she was a demi-god! I, in my lifetime, have +been so happy as to have been vouchsafed the bliss of beholding yon +smile, and to all eternity it will never be erased from my heart!"--And +thereupon he would impart anecdotes from the life of Katherine such as +it has never been my lot to read or hear anywhere. Here is one of them. +Alexyéi Sergyéitch did not permit the slightest hint at the failings of +the great Empress. "Yes, and in conclusion," he cried: "is it possible +to judge her as one judges other people?--One day, as she was sitting in +her powder-mantle, at the time of her morning toilet, she gave orders +that her hair should be combed out.... And what happened? The +waiting-woman passes the comb through it, and electric sparks fly from +it in a perfect shower!--Then she called to her the body physician, +Rodgerson, who was present on duty, and says to him: 'I know that people +condemn me for certain actions; but dost thou see this electricity? +Consequently, with such a nature and constitution as mine, thou mayest +thyself judge, for thou art a physician, that it is unjust to condemn +me, but they should understand me!'" + +The following incident was ineffaceably retained in the memory of +Alexyéi Sergyéitch. He was standing one day on the inner watch in the +palace, and he was only sixteen years of age. And lo, the Empress passes +him--he presents arms.... "And she," cried Alexyéi Sergyéitch, again with +rapture, "smiling at my youth and my zeal, deigned to give me her hand +to kiss, and patted me on the cheek, and inquired who I was, and whence +I came, and from what family? And then ..." (here the old man's voice +generally broke) ... "then she bade me give my mother her compliments +and thank her for rearing her children so well. And whether I was in +heaven or on earth, and how and whither she withdrew,--whether she +soared up on high, or passed into another room,--I know not to this +day!" + +I often tried to question Alexyéi Sergyéitch about those olden days, +about the men who surrounded the Empress.... But he generally evaded the +subject. "What's the use of talking about old times?"--he said ... "one +only tortures himself. One says to himself,--'Thou wert a young man +then, but now thy last teeth have vanished from thy mouth.' And there's +no denying it--the old times were good ... well, and God be with them! +And as for those men--I suppose, thou fidgety child, that thou art +talking about the accidental men? Thou hast seen a bubble spring forth +on water? So long as it is whole and lasts, what beautiful colours play +upon it! Red and yellow and blue; all one can say is, ''Tis a rainbow +or a diamond!'--But it soon bursts, and no trace of it remains. And +that's what those men were like." + +"Well, and how about Potyómkin?" I asked one day. + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch assumed a pompous mien. "Potyómkin, Grigóry +Alexándritch, was a statesman, a theologian, a nursling of Katherine's, +her offspring, one must say.... But enough of that, my little sir!" + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch was a very devout man and went to church regularly, +although it was beyond his strength. There was no superstition +perceptible in him; he ridiculed signs, the evil eye, and other +"twaddle," yet he did not like it when a hare ran across his path, and +it was not quite agreeable for him to meet a priest.[34] He was very +respectful to ecclesiastical persons, nevertheless, and asked their +blessing, and even kissed their hand every time, but he talked with them +reluctantly.--"They emit a very strong odour," he explained; "but I, +sinful man that I am, have grown effeminate beyond measure;--their hair +is so long[35] and oily, and they comb it out in all directions, +thinking thereby to show me respect, and they clear their throats loudly +in the middle of conversation, either out of timidity or because they +wish to please me in that way also. Well, but they remind me of my hour +of death. But be that as it may, I want to live a while longer. Only, +little sir, don't repeat these remarks of mine; respect the +ecclesiastical profession--only fools do not respect it; and I am to +blame for talking nonsense in my old age." + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch had received a scanty education,[36] like all nobles +of that epoch; but he had completed it, to a certain degree, by reading. +He read only Russian books of the end of the last century; he considered +the newer writers unleavened and weak in style. During his reading he +placed beside him, on a round, one-legged little table, a silver jug +filled with a special effervescent kvas flavoured with mint, whose +pleasant odour disseminated itself through all the rooms. He placed +large, round spectacles on the tip of his nose; but in his later years +he did not so much read as stare thoughtfully over the rims of the +spectacles, elevating his brows, mowing with his lips and sighing. Once +I caught him weeping, with a book on his knees, which greatly surprised +me, I admit. + +He recalled the following wretched doggerel: + + O all-conquering race of man! + Rest is unknown to thee! + Thou findest it only + When thou swallowest the dust of the grave.... + Bitter, bitter is this rest! + Sleep, ye dead.... But weep, ye living! + +These verses were composed by a certain Górmitch-Gormítzky, a roving +poetaster, whom Alexyéi Sergyéitch had harboured in his house because he +seemed to him a delicate and even subtle man; he wore shoes with knots +of ribbon, pronounced his _o's_ broadly, and, raising his eyes to +heaven, he sighed frequently. In addition to all these merits, +Górmitch-Gormítzky spoke French passably well, for he had been educated +in a Jesuit college, while Alexyéi Sergyéitch only "understood" it. But +having once drunk himself dead-drunk in a dram-shop, this same subtle +Gormítzky displayed outrageous violence. He thrashed "to flinders" +Alexyéi Sergyéitch's valet, the cook, two laundresses who happened +along, and even an independent carpenter, and smashed several panes in +the windows, yelling lustily the while: "Here now, I'll just show these +Russian sluggards, these unlicked katzápy!"[37]--And what strength that +puny little man displayed! Eight men could hardly control him! For this +turbulence Alexyéi Sergyéitch gave orders that the rhymster should be +flung out of the house, after he had preliminarily been rolled in the +snow (it happened in the winter), to sober him. + +"Yes," Alexyéi Sergyéitch was wont to say, "my day is over; the horse is +worn out. I used to keep poets at my expense, and I used to buy pictures +and books from the Jews--and my geese were quite as good as those of +Mukhán, and I had genuine slate-coloured tumbler-pigeons.... I was an +amateur of all sorts of things! Except that I never was a dog-fancier, +because of the drunkenness and the clownishness! I was mettlesome, +untamable! God forbid that a Telyégin should be anything but first-class +in everything! And I had a splendid horse-breeding establishment.... And +those horses came ... whence, thinkest thou, my little sir?--From those +very renowned studs of the Tzar Iván Alexyéitch, the brother of Peter +the Great.... I'm telling you the truth! All stallions, dark brown in +colour, with manes to their knees, tails to their hoofs.... Lions! +Vanity of vanities, all is vanity! But what's the use of regretting it? +Every man has his limit fixed for him.--You cannot fly higher than +heaven, nor live in the water, nor escape from the earth.... Let us live +on a while longer, at any rate!" + +And again the old man smiled and took a pinch of his Spanish tobacco. + +His peasants loved him. Their master was kind, according to them, and +not a heart-breaker.--Only, they also repeated that he was a worn-out +steed. Formerly Alexyéi Sergyéitch had gone into everything himself: he +had ridden out into the fields, and to the flour-mill, and to the +oil-mill and the storehouses, and looked in to the peasants' cottages; +every one was familiar with his racing-drozhky,[38] upholstered in +crimson plush and drawn by a well-grown horse with a broad blaze +extending clear across its forehead, named "Lantern"--from that same +famous breeding establishment. Alexyéi Sergyéitch drove him himself with +the ends of the reins wound round his fists. But when his seventieth +birthday came the old man gave up everything, and entrusted the +management of his estate to the peasant bailiff Antíp, of whom he +secretly stood in awe and called Micromegas (memories of Voltaire!), or +simply "robber." + +"Well, robber, hast thou gathered a big lot of stolen goods?" he would +say, looking the robber straight in the eye. + +"Everything is according to your grace," Antíp would reply merrily. + +"Grace is all right, only just look out for thyself, Micromegas! Don't +dare to touch my peasants, my subjects behind my back! They will make +complaint ... my cane is not far off, seest thou?" + +"I always keep your little cane well in mind, dear little father Alexyéi +Sergyéitch," replied Antíp-Micromegas, stroking his beard. + +"That's right, keep it in mind!" and master and bailiff laughed in each +other's faces. + +With his house-serfs, with his serfs in general, with his "subjects" +(Alexyéi Sergyéitch loved that word), he dealt gently.--"Because, judge +for thyself, little nephew, if thou hast nothing of thine own save the +cross on thy neck,[39] and that a brass one, don't hanker after other +folks' things.... What sense is there in that?" There is no denying the +fact that no one even thought of the so-called problem of the serfs at +that epoch; and it could not disturb Alexyéi Sergyéitch. He very calmly +ruled his "subjects"; but he condemned bad landed proprietors and called +them the enemies of their class. + +He divided the nobles in general into three categories: the judicious, +"of whom there are not many"; the profligate, "of whom there is a goodly +number"; and the licentious, "of whom there are enough to dam a pond." +And if any one of them was harsh and oppressive to his subjects, that +man was guilty in the sight of God, and culpable in the sight of +men!--Yes; the house-serfs led an easy life in the old man's house; the +"subjects behind his back" were less well off, as a matter of course, +despite the cane wherewith he threatened Micromegas.--And how many there +were of them--of those house-serfs--in his manor! And for the most part +they were old, sinewy, hairy, grumbling, stoop-shouldered, clad in +long-skirted nankeen kaftans, and imbued with a strong acrid odour! And +in the women's department nothing was to be heard but the trampling of +bare feet, and the rustling of petticoats.--The head valet was named +Irinárkh, and Alexyéi Sergyéitch always summoned him with a +long-drawn-out call: "I-ri-na-a-árkh!"--He called the others: "Young +fellow! Boy! What subject is there?!"--He could not endure bells. "God +have mercy, this is no tavern!" And what amazed me was, that no matter +at what time Alexyéi Sergyéitch called his valet, the man instantly +presented himself, just as though he had sprung out of the earth, and +placing his heels together, and putting his hands behind his back, stood +before his master a grim and, as it were, an irate but zealous servant! + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch was lavish beyond his means; but he did not like to +be called "benefactor."--"What sort of a benefactor am I to you, sir?... +I'm doing myself a favour, not you, my good sir!" (When he was angry or +indignant he always called people "you.")--"To a beggar give once, give +twice, give thrice," he was wont to say.... "Well, and if he returns for +the fourth time--give to him yet again, only add therewith: 'My good +man, thou shouldst work with something else besides thy mouth all the +time.'" + +"Uncle," I used to ask him, "what if the beggar should return for the +fifth time after that?" + +"Why, then, do thou give to him for the fifth time." + +The sick people who appealed to him for aid he had cured at his own +expense, although he himself did not believe in doctors, and never sent +for them.--"My deceased mother," he asserted, "used to heal all maladies +with olive-oil and salt; she both administered it internally and rubbed +it on externally, and everything passed off splendidly. And who was my +mother? She had her birth under Peter the First--only think of that!" + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch was a Russian man in every respect; he loved Russian +viands, he loved Russian songs, but the accordion, "a factory +invention," he detested; he loved to watch the maidens in their choral +songs, the women in their dances. In his youth, it was said, he had sung +rollickingly and danced with agility. He loved to steam himself in the +bath,--and steamed himself so energetically that Irinárkh, who served +him as bath-attendant, thrashed him with a birch-besom soaked in beer, +rubbed him down with shredded linden bark,[40] then with a bit of +woollen cloth, rolled a soap bladder over his master's shoulders,--this +faithfully-devoted Irinárkh was accustomed to say every time, as he +climbed down from the shelf as red as "a new brass statue": "Well, for +this time I, the servant of God, Irinárkh Tolobyéeff, am still whole.... +What will happen next time?" + +And Alexyéi Sergyéitch spoke splendid Russian, somewhat old-fashioned, +but piquant and pure as spring water, constantly interspersing his +speech with his pet words: "honour bright," "God have mercy," "at any +rate," "sir," and "little sir."... + +Enough concerning him, however. Let us talk about Alexyéi Sergyéitch's +spouse, Malánya Pávlovna. + +Malánya Pávlovna was a native of Moscow, and had been accounted the +greatest beauty in town, _la Vénus de Moscou_.--When I knew her she was +already a gaunt old woman, with delicate but insignificant features, +little curved hare-like teeth in a tiny little mouth, with a multitude +of tight little curls on her forehead, and dyed eyebrows. She constantly +wore a pyramidal cap with rose-coloured ribbons, a high ruff around her +neck, a short white gown and prunella shoes with red heels; and over her +gown she wore a jacket of blue satin, with the sleeve depending from +the right shoulder. She had worn precisely such a toilet on St. Peter's +day, 1789! On that day, being still a maiden, she had gone with her +relatives to the Khodýnskoe Field,[41] to see the famous prize-fight +arranged by the Orlóffs. + +"And Count Alexyéi Grigórievitch ..." (oh, how many times did I hear +that tale!), ... "having descried me, approached, made a low obeisance, +holding his hat in both hands, and spake thus: 'My stunning beauty, why +dost thou allow that sleeve to hang from thy shoulder? Is it that thou +wishest to have a match at fisticuffs with me?... With pleasure; only I +tell thee beforehand that thou hast vanquished me--I surrender!--and I +am thy captive!'--and every one stared at us and marvelled." + +And so she had worn that style of toilet ever since. + +"Only, I wore no cap then, but a hat _à la bergère de Trianon_; and +although I was powdered, yet my hair gleamed through it like gold!" + +Malánya Pávlovna was stupid to sanctity, as the saying goes; she +chattered at random, and did not herself quite know what issued from her +mouth--but it was chiefly about Orlóff.--Orlóff had become, one may say, +the principal interest of her life. She usually entered--no! she +floated into--the room, moving her head in a measured way like a +peacock, came to a halt in the middle of it, with one foot turned out in +a strange sort of way, and holding the pendent sleeve in two fingers +(that must have been the pose which had pleased Orlóff once on a time), +she looked about her with arrogant carelessness, as befits a beauty,-- +she even sniffed and whispered "The idea!" exactly as though some +important cavalier-adorer were besieging her with compliments,--then +suddenly walked on, clattering her heels and shrugging her shoulders.-- +She also took Spanish snuff out of a tiny bonbon box, scooping it out +with a tiny golden spoon, and from time to time, especially when a new +person made his appearance, she raised--not to her eyes, but to her nose +(her vision was excellent)--a double lorgnette in the shape of a pair of +horns, showing off and twisting about her little white hand with one +finger standing out apart. + +How many times did Malánya Pávlovna describe to me her wedding in the +Church of the Ascension, "which is on the Arbát Square--such a fine +church!--and all Moscow was present at it ... there was such a crush! 'T +was frightful! There were equipages drawn by six horses, golden +carriages, runners ... one of Count Zavadóvsky's runners even fell under +the wheels! And the bishop himself married us,[42] and what an address +he delivered! Everybody wept--wherever I looked there was nothing but +tears, tears ... and the Governor-General's horses were +tiger-coloured.... And how many, many flowers people brought!... They +overwhelmed us with flowers! And one foreigner, a rich, very rich man, +shot himself for love on that occasion, and Orlóff was present also.... +And approaching Alexyéi Sergyéitch he congratulated him and called him a +lucky dog.... 'Thou art a lucky dog, brother gaper!' he said. And in +reply Alexyéi Sergyéitch made such a wonderful obeisance, and swept the +plume of his hat along the floor from left to right ... as much as to +say: 'There is a line drawn now, Your Radiance, between you and my +spouse which you must not step across!'--And Orlóff, Alexyéi +Grigórievitch, immediately understood and lauded him.--Oh, what a man he +was! What a man! And then, on another occasion, Alexis and I were at a +ball in his house--I was already married--and what magnificent diamond +buttons he wore! And I could not restrain myself, but praised them. +'What splendid diamonds you have, Count!' And thereupon he took a knife +from the table, cut off one button and presented it to me--saying: 'You +have in your eyes, my dear little dove, diamonds a hundredfold finer; +just stand before the mirror and compare them.' And I did stand there, +and he stood beside me.--'Well? Who is right?'--says he--and keeps +rolling his eyes all round me. And then Alexyéi Sergyéitch was greatly +dismayed; but I said to him: 'Alexis,' I said to him, 'please do not be +dismayed; thou shouldst know me better!' And he answered me: 'Be at +ease, Mélanie!'--And those same diamonds I now have encircling a +medallion of Alexyéi Grigórievitch--I think, my dear, that thou hast +seen me wear it on my shoulder on festival days, on a ribbon of St. +George--because he was a very brave hero, a cavalier of the Order of St. +George: he burned the Turks!"[43] + +Notwithstanding all this, Malánya Pávlovna was a very kind woman; she +was easy to please.--"She doesn't nag you, and she doesn't sneer at +you," the maids said of her.--Malánya Pávlovna was passionately fond of +all sweets, and a special old woman, who occupied herself with nothing +but the preserves, and therefore was called the preserve-woman, brought +to her, half a score of times in a day, a Chinese plate now with +candied rose-leaves, again with barberries in honey, or orange sherbet. +Malánya Pávlovna feared solitude--dreadful thoughts come then--and was +almost constantly surrounded by female hangers-on whom she urgently +entreated: "Talk, talk! Why do you sit there and do nothing but warm +your seats?"--and they began to twitter like canary-birds. Being no less +devout than Alexyéi Sergyéitch, she was very fond of praying; but as, +according to her own words, she had not learned to recite prayers well, +she kept for that purpose the widow of a deacon, who prayed so tastily! +She would never stumble to all eternity! And, in fact, that deacon's +widow understood how to utter prayerful words in an irrepressible sort +of way, without a break even when she inhaled or exhaled her breath--and +Malánya Pávlovna listened and melted with emotion. She had another widow +also attached to her service; the latter's duty consisted in telling her +stories at night,--"but only old ones," entreated Malánya Pávlovna, +"those I already know; all the new ones are spurious." + +Malánya Pávlovna was very frivolous and sometimes suspicious. All of a +sudden she would take some idea into her head. She did not like the +dwarf Janus, for example; it always seemed to her as though he would +suddenly start in and begin to shriek: "But do you know who I am? A +Buryát Prince! So, then, submit!"--And if she did not, he would set fire +to the house out of melancholy. Malánya Pávlovna was as lavish as +Alexyéi Sergyéitch; but she never gave money--she did not wish to soil +her pretty little hands--but kerchiefs, ear-rings, gowns, ribbons, or +she would send a patty from the table, or a bit of the roast, or if not +that, a glass of wine. She was also fond of regaling the peasant-women +on holidays. They would begin to dance, and she would click her heels +and strike an attitude. + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch was very well aware that his wife was stupid; but he +had trained himself, almost from the first year of his married life, to +pretend that she was very keen of tongue and fond of saying stinging +things. As soon as she got to chattering he would immediately shake his +little finger at her and say: "Okh, what a naughty little tongue! What a +naughty little tongue! Won't it catch it in the next world! It will be +pierced with red-hot needles!"--But Malánya Pávlovna did not take +offence at this; on the contrary, she seemed to feel flattered at +hearing such remarks--as much as to say: "Well, I can't help it! It +isn't my fault that I was born witty!" + +Malánya Pávlovna worshipped her husband, and all her life remained an +exemplary and faithful wife. But there had been an "object" in her life +also, a young nephew, a hussar, who had been slain, so she assumed, in +a duel on her account---but, according to more trustworthy information, +he had died from a blow received on the head from a billiard-cue, in +tavern company. The water-colour portrait of this "object" was preserved +by her in a secret casket. Malánya Pávlovna crimsoned to the very ears +every time she alluded to Kapítonushka--that was the "object's" +name;--while Alexyéi Sergyéitch scowled intentionally, again menaced his +wife with his little finger and said, "Trust not a horse in the meadow, +a wife in the house! Okh, that Kapítonushka, Kupidónushka!"--Then +Malánya Pávlovna bristled up all over and exclaimed: + +"Alexis, shame on you, Alexis!--You yourself probably flirted with +divers little ladies in your youth--and so you take it for granted...." + +"Come, that will do, that will do, Malániushka," Alexyéi Sergyéitch +interrupted her, with a smile;--"thy gown is white, and thy soul is +whiter still!" + +"It is whiter, Alexis; it is whiter!" + +"Okh, what a naughty little tongue, on my honour, what a naughty little +tongue!" repeated Alexyéi Sergyéitch, tapping her on the cheek. + +To mention Malánya Pávlovna's "convictions" would be still more out of +place than to mention those of Alexyéi Sergyéitch; but I once chanced to +be the witness of a strange manifestation of my aunt's hidden feelings. +I once chanced, in the course of conversation, to mention the well-known +Sheshkóvsky.[44] Malánya Pávlovna suddenly became livid in the face,--as +livid as a corpse,--turned green, despite the layer of paint and powder, +and in a dull, entirely-genuine voice (which very rarely happened with +her--as a general thing she seemed always somewhat affected, assumed an +artificial tone and lisped) said: "Okh! whom hast thou mentioned! And at +nightfall, into the bargain!--Don't utter that name!" I was amazed; what +significance could that name possess for such an inoffensive and +innocent being, who would not have known how to devise, much less to +execute, anything reprehensible?--This alarm, which revealed itself +after a lapse of nearly half a century, induced in me reflections which +were not altogether cheerful. + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch died in his eighty-eighth year, in the year 1848, +which evidently disturbed even him. And his death was rather strange. +That morning he had felt well, although he no longer quitted his +arm-chair at all. But suddenly he called to his wife: "Malániushka, come +hither!" + +"What dost thou want, Alexis?" + +"It is time for me to die, that's what, my darling." + +"God be with you, Alexyéi Sergyéitch! Why so?" + +"This is why. In the first place, one must show moderation; and more +than that; I was looking at my legs a little while ago ... they were +strange legs--and that settles it!--I looked at my hands---and those +were strange also! I looked at my belly--and the belly belonged to some +one else!--Which signifies that I am devouring some other person's +life.[45] Send for the priest; and in the meanwhile, lay me on my bed, +from which I shall not rise again." + +Malánya Pávlovna was in utter consternation, but she put the old man to +bed, and sent for the priest. Alexyéi Sergyéitch made his confession, +received the holy communion, took leave of the members of his household, +and began to sink into a stupor. Malánya Pávlovna was sitting beside his +bed. + +"Alexis!" she suddenly shrieked, "do not frighten me, do not close thy +dear eyes! Hast thou any pain?" + +The old man looked at his wife.--"No, I have no pain ... but I find +it ... rather difficult ... difficult to breathe." Then, after a brief +pause:--"Malániushka," he said, "now life has galloped past--but dost +thou remember our wedding ... what a fine young couple we were?" + +"We were, my beauty, Alexis my incomparable one!" + +Again the old man remained silent for a space. + +"And shall we meet again in the other world, Malániushka?" + +"I shall pray to God that we may, Alexis."--And the old woman burst into +tears. + +"Come, don't cry, silly one; perchance the Lord God will make us young +again there--and we shall again be a fine young pair!" + +"He will make us young, Alexis!" + +"Everything is possible to Him, to the Lord," remarked Alexyéi +Sergyéitch.--"He is a worker of wonders!--I presume He will make thee a +clever woman also.... Come, my dear, I was jesting; give me thy hand to +kiss." + +"And I will kiss thine." + +And the two old people kissed each other's hands. + +Alexyéi Sergyéitch began to quiet down and sink into a comatose state. +Malánya Pávlovna gazed at him with emotion, brushing the tears from her +eyelashes with the tip of her finger. She sat thus for a couple of +hours. + +"Has he fallen asleep?" asked in a whisper the old woman who knew how to +pray so tastily, peering out from behind Irinárkh, who was standing as +motionless as a pillar at the door, and staring intently at his dying +master. + +"Yes," replied Malánya Pávlovna, also in a whisper. And suddenly Alexyéi +Sergyéitch opened his eyes. + +"My faithful companion," he stammered, "my respected spouse, I would +like to bow myself to thy feet for all thy love and faithfulness--but +how am I to rise? Let me at least sign thee with the cross." + +Malánya Pávlovna drew nearer, bent over.... But the hand which had been +raised fell back powerless on the coverlet, and a few moments later +Alexyéi Sergyéitch ceased to be. + +His daughters with their husbands only arrived in time for the funeral; +neither one of them had any children. Alexyéi Sergyéitch had not +discriminated against them in his will, although he had not referred to +them on his death-bed. + +"My heart is locked against them," he had said to me one day. Knowing +his kind-heartedness, I was surprised at his words.--It is a difficult +matter to judge between parents and children.--"A vast ravine begins +with a tiny rift," Alexyéi Sergyéitch had said to me on another +occasion, referring to the same subject. "A wound an arshín long will +heal over, but if you cut off so much as a nail, it will not grow +again!" + +I have an idea that the daughters were ashamed of their eccentric old +folks. + +A month later Malánya Pávlovna expired also. She hardly rose from her +bed again after the day of Alexyéi Sergyéitch's death, and did not +array herself; but they buried her in the blue jacket, and with the +medal of Orlóff on her shoulder, only minus the diamonds. The daughters +shared those between them, under the pretext that those diamonds were to +be used for the setting of holy pictures; but as a matter of fact they +used them to adorn their own persons. + +And now how vividly do my old people stand before me, and what a good +memory I cherish of them! And yet, during my very last visit to them (I +was already a student at the time) an incident occurred which injected +some discord into the harmoniously-patriarchal mood with which the +Telyégin house inspired me. + +Among the number of the household serfs was a certain Iván, nicknamed +"Sukhíkh--the coachman, or the little coachman, as he was called, on +account of his small size, in spite of his years, which were not few. He +was a tiny scrap of a man, nimble, snub-nosed, curly-haired, with a +perennial smile on his infantile countenance, and little, mouse-like +eyes. He was a great joker and buffoon; he was able to acquire any +trick; he set off fireworks, snakes, played all card-games, galloped his +horse while standing erect on it, flew higher than any one else in the +swing, and even knew how to present Chinese shadows. There was no one +who could amuse children better than he, and he would have been only +too glad to occupy himself with them all day long. When he got to +laughing he set the whole house astir. People would answer him from this +point and that--every one would join in.... They would both abuse him +and laugh.--Iván danced marvellously--especially 'the fish.'--The chorus +would thunder out a dance tune, the young fellow would step into the +middle of the circle, and begin to leap and twist about and stamp his +feet, and then come down with a crash on the ground--and there represent +the movements of a fish which has been thrown out of the water upon the +dry land; and he would writhe about this way and that, and even bring +his heels up to his neck; and then, when he sprang to his feet and began +to shout, the earth would simply tremble beneath him! Alexyéi Sergyéitch +was extremely fond of choral songs and dances, as I have already said; +he could never refrain from shouting: 'Send hither Vániushka! the little +coachman! Give us 'the fish,' be lively!'--and a minute later he would +whisper in ecstasy: 'Akh, what a devil of a man he is!'" + +Well, then,--on my last visit this same Iván Sukhíkh comes to me in my +room, and without uttering a word plumps down on his knees. + +"What is the matter with thee, Iván?" + +"Save me, master!" + +"Why, what's the trouble?" + +And thereupon Iván related to me his grief. + +He had been swapped twenty years previously by the Messrs. Sukhóy for +another serf, a man belonging to the Telyégins--he had simply been +exchanged, without any formalities and documents. The man who had been +given in exchange for him had died, but the Messrs. Sukhóy had forgotten +all about Iván and had left him in Alexyéi Sergyéitch's house as his +property; his nickname alone served as a reminder of his +origin.[46]--But lo and behold! his former owners had died also, their +estate had fallen into other hands, and the new owner, concerning whom +rumours were in circulation to the effect that he was a cruel man, a +torturer, having learned that one of his serfs was to be found at +Alexyéi Sergyéitch's without any passport and right, began to demand his +return; in case of refusal he threatened to have recourse to the courts +and a penalty--and he did not threaten idly, as he himself held the rank +of Privy Councillor,[47] and had great weight in the government.[48] +Iván, in his affright, darted to Alexyéi Sergyéitch. The old man was +sorry for his dancer, and he offered to buy Iván from the privy +councillor at a good price; but the privy councillor would not hear of +such a thing; he was a Little Russian and obstinate as the devil. The +poor fellow had to be surrendered. + +"I have got used to living here, I have made myself at home here, I have +eaten bread here, and here I wish to die," Ivan said to me--and there +was no grin on his face now; on the contrary, he seemed turned into +stone.... "But now I must go to that malefactor.... Am I a dog that I am +to be driven from one kennel to another with a slip-noose round my +neck--and a 'take that'? Save me, master; entreat your uncle,--remember +how I have always amused you.... Or something bad will surely come of +it; the matter will not pass off without sin." + +"Without what sin, Iván?" + +"Why, I will kill that gentleman.--When I arrive I shall say to him: +'Let me go back, master; otherwise, look out, beware.... I will kill +you.'" + +If a chaffinch or a bullfinch could talk and had begun to assure me that +it would claw another bird, it would not have caused me greater +astonishment than did Iván on that occasion.--What! Ványa Sukhíkh, that +dancer, jester, buffoon, that favourite of the children, and a child +himself--that kindest-hearted of beings--a murderer! What nonsense! I +did not believe him for a single moment. I was startled in the extreme +that he should have been able to utter such a word! Nevertheless, I +betook myself to Alexyéi Sergyéitch. I did not repeat to him what Iván +had said to me, but I tried in every way to beg him to see whether he +could not set the matter right. + +"My little sir," the old man replied to me, "I would be only too +delighted, but how can I?--I have offered that Topknot[49] huge +remuneration. I offered him three hundred rubles, I assure thee on my +honour! but in vain. What is one to do? We had acted illegally, on +faith, after the ancient fashion ... and now see what a bad thing has +come of it! I am sure that Topknot will take Iván from me by force the +first thing we know; he has a strong hand, the Governor eats sour +cabbage-soup with him--the Topknot will send a soldier! I'm afraid of +those soldiers! In former days, there's no denying it, I would have +defended Iván,--but just look at me now, how decrepit I have grown. How +am I to wage war?"--And, in fact, during my last visit I found that +Alexyéi Sergyéitch had aged very greatly; even the pupils of his eyes +had acquired a milky hue--like that in infants--and on his lips there +appeared not the discerning smile of former days, but that +strainedly-sweet, unconscious smirk which never leaves the faces of very +old people even in their sleep. + +I imparted Alexyéi Sergyéitch's decision to Iván. He stood a while, held +his peace, and shook his head.--"Well," he said at last, "what is fated +to be cannot be avoided. Only my word is firm. That is to say: only one +thing remains for me ... play the wag to the end.--Master, please give +me something for liquor!" I gave it; he drank himself drunk--and on that +same day he danced "the fish" in such wise that the maidens and married +women fairly squealed with delight, so whimsically amusing was he. + +The next day I went home, and three months later--when I was already in +Petersburg--I learned that Iván had actually kept his word!--He had been +sent to his new master; his master had summoned him to his study and +announced to him that he was to serve as his coachman, that he entrusted +him with a tróika of Vyátka horses,[50] and that he should exact a +strict account from him if he treated them badly, and, in general, if he +were not punctual.--"I'm not fond of jesting," he said.--Iván listened +to his master, first made obeisance to his very feet, and then informed +him that it was as his mercy liked, but he could not be his +servant.--"Release me on quit-rent, Your High-Born," he said, "or make a +soldier of me; otherwise there will be a catastrophe before long." + +The master flared up.--"Akh, damn thee! What is this thou darest to say +to me?--Know, in the first place, that I am 'Your Excellency,' and not +'Your High-Born'; in the second place, thou art beyond the age, and thy +size is not such that I can hand thee over as a soldier; and, in +conclusion,--what calamity art thou threatening me with? Art thou +preparing to commit arson?" + +"No, your Excellency, not to commit arson." + +"To kill me, then, pray?" + +Iván maintained a stubborn silence.--"I will not be your servant," he +said at last. + +"Here, then, I'll show thee," roared the gentleman, "whether thou wilt +be my servant or not!"--And after having cruelly flogged Iván, he +nevertheless ordered that the tróika of Vyátka horses should be placed +in his charge, and appointed him a coachman at the stables. + +Iván submitted, to all appearances; he began to drive as coachman. As he +was a proficient in that line his master speedily took a fancy to +him,--the more so as Iván behaved very discreetly and quietly, and the +horses throve under his care; he tended them so that they became as +plump as cucumbers,--one could never leave off admiring them! The master +began to drive out more frequently with him than with the other +coachmen. He used to ask: "Dost thou remember, Iván, how unpleasant was +thy first meeting with me? I think thou hast got rid of thy folly?" But +to these words Iván never made any reply. + +So, then, one day, just before the Epiphany, the master set out for the +town with Iván in his tróika with bells, in a broad sledge lined with +rugs. The horses began to ascend a hill at a walk, while Iván descended +from the box and went back to the sledge, as though he had dropped +something.--The cold was very severe. The master sat there all wrapped +up, and with his beaver cap drawn down over his ears. Then Iván pulled a +hatchet out from under the skirts of his coat, approached his master +from behind, knocked off his cap, and saying: "I warned thee, Piótr +Petróvitch--now thou hast thyself to thank for this!"--he laid open his +head with one slash. Then he brought the horses to a standstill, put the +cap back on his murdered master's head, and again mounting the box, he +drove him to the town, straight to the court-house. + +"Here's the general from Sukhóy for you, murdered; and I killed him.--I +told him I would do it, and I have done it. Bind me!" + +They seized Iván, tried him, condemned him to the knout and then to +penal servitude.--The merry, bird-like dancer reached the mines--and +there vanished forever.... + +Yes; involuntarily--although in a different sense,--one repeats with +Alexyéi Sergyéitch:--"The old times were good ... well, yes, but God be +with them! I want nothing to do with them!" + + + + + + +THE SONG OF LOVE TRIUMPHANT + +(1881) + + + MDXLII + +DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF GUSTAVE FLAUBERT + + Wage du zu irren und zu träumen! + SCHILLER. + + +The following is what I read in an Italian manuscript: + + + + +I + + +About the middle of the sixteenth century there dwelt in Ferrara--(it +was then flourishing under the sceptre of its magnificent dukes, the +patrons of the arts and of poetry)--there dwelt two young men, named +Fabio and Muzio. Of the same age and nearly related, they were almost +never separated; a sincere friendship had united them since their early +childhood, and a similarity of fate had strengthened this bond. Both +belonged to ancient families; both were wealthy, independent, and +without family; the tastes and inclinations of both were similar. Muzio +occupied himself with music, Fabio with painting. All Ferrara was proud +of them as the finest ornaments of the Court, of society, and of the +city. But in personal appearance they did not resemble each other, +although both were distinguished for their stately, youthful beauty. +Fabio was the taller of the two, white of complexion, with ruddy-gold +hair, and had blue eyes. Muzio, on the contrary, had a swarthy face, +black hair, and in his dark-brown eyes there was not that merry gleam, +on his lips not that cordial smile, which Fabio had; his thick eyebrows +over-hung his narrow eyelids, while Fabio's golden brows rose in slender +arches on his pure, smooth forehead. Muzio was less animated in +conversation also; nevertheless both friends were equally favoured by +the ladies; for not in vain were they models of knightly courtesy and +lavishness. + +At one and the same time with them there dwelt in Ferrara a maiden named +Valeria. She was considered one of the greatest beauties in the city, +although she was to be seen only very rarely, as she led a retired life +and left her house only to go to church;--and on great festivals for a +walk. She lived with her mother, a nobly-born but not wealthy widow, who +had no other children. Valeria inspired in every one whom she met a +feeling of involuntary amazement and of equally involuntary tender +respect: so modest was her mien, so little aware was she, to all +appearance, of the full force of her charms. Some persons, it is true, +thought her rather pale; the glance of her eyes, which were almost +always lowered, expressed a certain shyness and even timidity; her lips +smiled rarely, and then but slightly; hardly ever did any one hear her +voice. But a rumour was in circulation to the effect that it was very +beautiful, and that, locking herself in her chamber, early in the +morning, while everything in the city was still sleeping, she loved to +warble ancient ballads to the strains of a lute, upon which she herself +played. Despite the pallor of her face, Valeria was in blooming health; +and even the old people, as they looked on her, could not refrain from +thinking:--"Oh, how happy will be that young man for whom this bud still +folded in its petals, still untouched and virgin, shall at last unfold +itself!" + + + + +II + + +Fabio and Muzio beheld Valeria for the first time at a sumptuous popular +festival, got up at the command of the Duke of Ferrara, Ercole, son of +the famous Lucrezia Borgia, in honour of some distinguished grandees who +had arrived from Paris on the invitation of the Duchess, the daughter of +Louis XII, King of France. Side by side with her mother sat Valeria in +the centre of an elegant tribune, erected after drawings by Palladius +on the principal square of Ferrara for the most honourable ladies of the +city. Both Fabio and Muzio fell passionately in love with her that day; +and as they concealed nothing from each other, each speedily learned +what was going on in his comrade's heart. They agreed between themselves +that they would both try to make close acquaintance with Valeria, and if +she should deign to choose either one of them the other should submit +without a murmur to her decision. + +Several weeks later, thanks to the fine reputation which they rightfully +enjoyed, they succeeded in penetrating into the not easily accessible +house of the widow; she gave them permission to visit her. From that +time forth they were able to see Valeria almost every day and to +converse with her;--and with every day the flame kindled in the hearts +of both young men blazed more and more vigorously. But Valeria displayed +no preference for either of them, although their presence evidently +pleased her. With Muzio she occupied herself with music; but she chatted +more with Fabio: she was less shy with him. At last they decided to +learn their fate definitely, and sent to Valeria a letter wherein they +asked her to explain herself and say on whom she was prepared to bestow +her hand. Valeria showed this letter to her mother, and informed her +that she was content to remain unmarried; but if her mother thought it +was time for her to marry, she would wed the man of her mother's +choice. The honourable widow shed a few tears at the thought of parting +from her beloved child; but there was no reason for rejecting the +suitors: she considered them both equally worthy of her daughter's hand. +But as she secretly preferred Fabio, and suspected that he was more to +Valeria's taste also, she fixed upon him. On the following day Fabio +learned of his happiness: and all that was left to Muzio was to keep his +word and submit. + +This he did; but he was not able to be a witness to the triumph of his +friend, his rival. He immediately sold the greater part of his property, +and collecting a few thousand ducats, he set off on a long journey to +the Orient. On taking leave of Fabio he said to him that he would not +return until he should feel that the last traces of passion in him had +vanished. It was painful for Fabio to part from the friend of his +childhood and his youth ... but the joyful anticipation of approaching +bliss speedily swallowed up all other sentiments--and he surrendered +himself completely to the transports of happy love. + +He soon married Valeria, and only then did he learn the full value of +the treasure which it had fallen to his lot to possess. He had a very +beautiful villa at a short distance from Ferrara; he removed thither +with his wife and her mother. A bright time then began for them. Wedded +life displayed in a new and captivating light all Valeria's perfections. +Fabio became a remarkable artist,---no longer a mere amateur, but a +master. Valeria's mother rejoiced and returned thanks to God as she +gazed at the happy pair. Four years flew by unnoticed like a blissful +dream. One thing alone was lacking to the young married couple, one +thing caused them grief: they had no children ... but hope had not +deserted them. Toward the end of the fourth year a great, and this time +a genuine grief, visited them: Valeria's mother died, after an illness +of a few days. + +Valeria shed many tears; for a long time she could not reconcile herself +to her loss. But another year passed; life once more asserted its rights +and flowed on in its former channel. And, lo! one fine summer evening, +without having forewarned any one, Muzio returned to Ferrara. + + + + +III + + +During the whole five years which had elapsed since his departure, no +one had known anything about him. All rumours concerning him had died +out, exactly as though he had vanished from the face of the earth. When +Fabio met his friend on one of the streets in Ferrara he came near +crying out aloud, first from fright, then from joy, and immediately +invited him to his villa. There, in the garden, was a spacious, detached +pavilion; he suggested that his friend should settle down in that +pavilion. Muzio gladly accepted, and that same day removed thither with +his servant, a dumb Malay--dumb but not deaf, and even, judging from the +vivacity of his glance, a very intelligent man.... His tongue had been +cut out. Muzio had brought with him scores of chests filled with divers +precious things which he had collected during his prolonged wanderings. + +Valeria was delighted at Muzio's return; and he greeted her in a +cheerfully-friendly but composed manner. From everything it was obvious +that he had kept the promise made to Fabio. In the course of the day he +succeeded in installing himself in his pavilion; with the aid of his +Malay he set out the rarities he had brought--rugs, silken tissues, +garments of velvet and brocade, weapons, cups, dishes, and beakers +adorned with enamel, articles of gold and silver set with pearls and +turquoises, carved caskets of amber and ivory, faceted flasks, spices, +perfumes, pelts of wild beasts, the feathers of unknown birds, and a +multitude of other objects, the very use of which seemed mysterious and +incomprehensible. Among the number of all these precious things there +was one rich pearl necklace which Muzio had received from the Shah of +Persia for a certain great and mysterious service; he asked Valeria's +permission to place this necklace on her neck with his own hand; it +seemed to her heavy, and as though endowed with a strange sort of warmth +... it fairly adhered to the skin. Toward evening, after dinner, as they +sat on the terrace of the villa, in the shade of oleanders and laurels, +Muzio began to narrate his adventures. He told of the distant lands +which he had seen, of mountains higher than the clouds, of rivers like +unto seas; he told of vast buildings and temples, of trees thousands of +years old, of rainbow-hued flowers and birds; he enumerated the cities +and peoples he had visited.... (their very names exhaled something +magical). All the Orient was familiar to Muzio: he had traversed Persia +and Arabia, where the horses are more noble and beautiful than all other +living creatures; he had penetrated the depths of India, where is a race +of people resembling magnificent plants; he had attained to the confines +of China and Tibet, where a living god, the Dalai Lama by name, dwells +upon earth in the form of a speechless man with narrow eyes. Marvellous +were his tales! Fabio and Valeria listened to him as though enchanted. + +In point of fact, Muzio's features had undergone but little change: +swarthy from childhood, his face had grown still darker,--had been +burned beneath the rays of a more brilliant sun,--his eyes seemed more +deeply set than of yore, that was all; but the expression of that face +had become different: concentrated, grave, it did not grow animated even +when he alluded to the dangers to which he had been subjected by night +in the forests, deafened by the roar of tigers, by day on deserted roads +where fanatics lie in wait for travellers and strangle them in honour of +an iron goddess who demands human blood. And Muzio's voice had grown +more quiet and even; the movements of his hands, of his whole body, had +lost the flourishing ease which is peculiar to the Italian race. + +With the aid of his servant, the obsequiously-alert Malay, he showed his +host and hostess several tricks which he had been taught by the Brahmins +of India. Thus, for example, having preliminarily concealed himself +behind a curtain, he suddenly appeared sitting in the air, with his legs +doubled up beneath him, resting the tips of his fingers lightly on a +bamboo rod set upright, which not a little amazed and even alarmed Fabio +and Valeria.... "Can it be that he is a magician?" the thought occurred +to her.--But when he set to calling out tame snakes from a covered +basket by whistling on a small flute,--when, wiggling their fangs, their +dark, flat heads made their appearance from beneath the motley stuff, +Valeria became frightened and begged Muzio to hide away those horrors as +quickly as possible. + +At supper Muzio regaled his friends with wine of Shiraz from a round +flask with a long neck; extremely fragrant and thick, of a golden hue, +with greenish lights, it sparkled mysteriously when poured into the tiny +jasper cups. In taste it did not resemble European wines: it was very +sweet and spicy; and, quaffed slowly, in small sips, it produced in all +the limbs a sensation of agreeable drowsiness. Muzio made Fabio and +Valeria drink a cup apiece, and drank one himself. Bending over her cup, +he whispered something and shook his fingers. Valeria noticed this; but +as there was something strange and unprecedented in all Muzio's ways in +general, and in all his habits, she merely thought: "I wonder if he has +not accepted in India some new faith, or whether they have such customs +there?"--Then, after a brief pause, she asked him: "Had he continued to +occupy himself with music during the time of his journeys?"--In reply +Muzio ordered the Malay to bring him his Indian violin. It resembled +those of the present day, only, instead of four strings it had three; a +bluish snake-skin was stretched across its top, and the slender bow of +reed was semi-circular in form, and on its very tip glittered a pointed +diamond. + +Muzio first played several melancholy airs,--which were, according to +his assertion, popular ballads,--strange and even savage to the Italian +ear; the sound of the metallic strings was plaintive and feeble. But +when Muzio began the last song, that same sound suddenly strengthened, +quivered powerfully and resonantly; the passionate melody poured forth +from beneath the broadly-handled bow,--poured forth with beautiful +undulations, like the snake which had covered the top of the violin with +its skin; and with so much fire, with so much triumphant joy did this +song beam and blaze that both Fabio and Valeria felt a tremor at their +heart, and the tears started to their eyes ... while Muzio, with his +head bent down and pressed against his violin, with pallid cheeks, and +brows contracted into one line, seemed still more concentrated and +serious than ever, and the diamond at the tip of the bow scattered +ray-like sparks in its flight, as though it also were kindled with the +fire of that wondrous song. And when Muzio had finished and, still +holding the violin tightly pressed between his chin and his shoulder, +dropped his hand which held the bow--"What is that? What hast thou been +playing to us?" Fabio exclaimed.--Valeria uttered not a word, but her +whole being seemed to repeat her husband's question. Muzio laid the +violin on the table, and lightly shaking back his hair, said, with a +courteous smile: "That? That melody ... that song I heard once on the +island of Ceylon. That song is known there, among the people, as the +song of happy, satisfied love." + +"Repeat it," whispered Fabio. + +"No; it is impossible to repeat it," replied Muzio. "And it is late now. +Signora Valeria ought to rest; and it is high time for me also.... I am +weary." + +All day long Muzio had treated Valeria in a respectfully-simple manner, +like a friend of long standing; but as he took leave he pressed her hand +very hard, jamming his fingers into her palm, staring so intently into +her face the while that she, although she did not raise her eyelids, +felt conscious of that glance on her suddenly-flushing cheeks. She said +nothing to Muzio, but drew away her hand, and when he was gone she +stared at the door through which he had made his exit. She recalled how, +in former years also, she had been afraid of him ... and now she was +perplexed. Muzio went off to his pavilion; the husband and wife withdrew +to their bed-chamber. + + + + +IV + + +Valeria did not soon fall asleep; her blood was surging softly and +languidly, and there was a faint ringing in her head ... from that +strange wine, as she supposed, and, possibly, also from Muzio's tales, +from his violin playing.... Toward morning she fell asleep at last, and +had a remarkable dream. + +It seems to her that she enters a spacious room with a low, vaulted +ceiling.... She has never seen such a room in her life. All the walls +are set with small blue tiles bearing golden patterns; slender carved +pillars of alabaster support the marble vault; this vault and the +pillars seem semi-transparent.... A pale, rose-coloured light penetrates +the room from all directions, illuminating all the objects mysteriously +and monotonously; cushions of gold brocade lie on a narrow rug in the +very middle of the floor, which is as smooth as a mirror. In the +corners, barely visible, two tall incense-burners, representing +monstrous animals, are smoking; there are no windows anywhere; the door, +screened by a velvet drapery, looms silently black in a niche of the +wall. And suddenly this curtain softly slips aside, moves away ... and +Muzio enters. He bows, opens his arms, smiles.... His harsh arms +encircle Valeria's waist; his dry lips have set her to burning all +over.... She falls prone on the cushions.... + + * * * * * + +Moaning with fright, Valeria awoke after long efforts.--Still not +comprehending where she is and what is the matter with her, she half +raises herself up in bed and looks about her.... A shudder runs through +her whole body.... Fabio is lying beside her. He is asleep; but his +face, in the light of the round, clear moon, is as pale as that of a +corpse ... it is more melancholy than the face of a corpse. Valeria +awoke her husband--and no sooner had he cast a glance at her than he +exclaimed: "What is the matter with thee?" + +"I have seen ... I have seen a dreadful dream," she whispered, still +trembling.... + +But at that moment, from the direction of the pavilion, strong sounds +were wafted to them--and both Fabio and Valeria recognised the melody +which Muzio had played to them, calling it the Song of Love +Triumphant.--Fabio cast a glance of surprise at Valeria.... She closed +her eyes, and turned away--and both, holding their breath, listened to +the song to the end. When the last sound died away the moon went behind +a cloud, it suddenly grew dark in the room.... The husband and wife +dropped their heads on their pillows, without exchanging a word, and +neither of them noticed when the other fell asleep. + + + + +V + + +On the following morning Muzio came to breakfast; he seemed pleased, +and greeted Valeria merrily. She answered him with confusion,-- +scrutinised him closely, and was startled by that pleased, merry +face, those piercing and curious eyes. Muzio was about to begin his +stories again ... but Fabio stopped him at the first word. + +"Evidently, thou wert not able to sleep in a new place? My wife and I +heard thee playing the song of last night." + +"Yes? Did you hear it?"--said Muzio.--"I did play it, in fact; but I had +been asleep before that, and I had even had a remarkable dream." + +Valeria pricked up her ears.--"What sort of a dream?" inquired Fabio. + +"I seemed," replied Muzio, without taking his eyes from Valeria, "to see +myself enter a spacious apartment with a vaulted ceiling, decorated in +Oriental style. Carved pillars supported the vault; the walls were +covered with tiles, and although there were no windows nor candles, yet +the whole room was filled with a rosy light, just as though it had all +been built of transparent stone. In the corners Chinese incense-burners +were smoking; on the floor lay cushions of brocade, along a narrow rug. +I entered through a door hung with a curtain, and from another door +directly opposite a woman whom I had once loved made her appearance. And +she seemed to me so beautiful that I became all aflame with my love of +days gone by...." + +Muzio broke off significantly. Valeria sat motionless, only paling +slowly ... and her breathing grew more profound. + +"Then," pursued Muzio, "I woke up and played that song." + +"But who was the woman?" said Fabio. + +"Who was she? The wife of an East Indian. I met her in the city of +Delhi.... She is no longer among the living. She is dead." + +"And her husband?" asked Fabio, without himself knowing why he did so. + +"Her husband is dead also, they say. I soon lost sight of them." + +"Strange!" remarked Fabio.--"My wife also had a remarkable dream last +night--which she did not relate to me," added Fabio. + +But at this point Valeria rose and left the room. Immediately after +breakfast Muzio also went away, asserting that he was obliged to go to +Ferrara on business, and that he should not return before evening. + + + + +VI + + +Several weeks before Muzio's return Fabio had begun a portrait of his +wife, depicting her with the attributes of Saint Cecilia.--He had made +noteworthy progress in his art; the famous Luini, the pupil of Leonardo +da Vinci, had come to him in Ferrara, and aiding him with his own +advice, had also imparted to him the precepts of his great master. The +portrait was almost finished; it only remained for him to complete the +face by a few strokes of the brush, and then Fabio might feel justly +proud of his work. + +When Muzio departed to Ferrara, Fabio betook himself to his studio, +where Valeria was generally awaiting him; but he did not find her there; +he called to her--she did not respond. A secret uneasiness took +possession of Fabio; he set out in quest of her. She was not in the +house; Fabio ran into the garden--and there, in one of the most remote +alleys, he descried Valeria. With head bowed upon her breast, and hands +clasped on her knees, she was sitting on a bench, and behind her, +standing out against the dark green of a cypress, a marble satyr, with +face distorted in a malicious smile, was applying his pointed lips to +his reed-pipes. Valeria was visibly delighted at her husband's +appearance, and in reply to his anxious queries she said that she had a +slight headache, but that it was of no consequence, and that she was +ready for the sitting. Fabio conducted her to his studio, posed her, and +took up his brush; but, to his great vexation, he could not possibly +finish the face as he would have liked. And that not because it was +somewhat pale and seemed fatigued ... no; but he did not find in it +that day the pure, holy expression which he so greatly loved in it, and +which had suggested to him the idea of representing Valeria in the form +of Saint Cecilia. At last he flung aside his brush, told his wife that +he was not in the mood, that ft would do her good to lie down for a +while, as she was not feeling quite well, to judge by her looks,--and +turned his easel so that the portrait faced the wall. Valeria agreed +with him that she ought to rest, and repeating her complaint of +headache, she retired to her chamber. + +Fabio remained in the studio. He felt a strange agitation which was +incomprehensible even to himself. Muzio's sojourn under his roof, a +sojourn which he, Fabio, had himself invited, embarrassed him. And it +was not that he was jealous ... was it possible to be jealous of +Valeria?--but in his friend he did not recognise his former comrade. All +that foreign, strange, new element which Muzio had brought with him from +those distant lands--and which, apparently, had entered into his very +flesh and blood,---all those magical processes, songs, strange +beverages, that dumb Malay, even the spicy odour which emanated from +Muzio's garments, from his hair, his breath,--all this inspired in Fabio +a feeling akin to distrust, nay, even to timidity. And why did that +Malay, when serving at table, gaze upon him, Fabio, with such +disagreeable intentness? Really, one might suppose that he understood +Italian. Muzio had said concerning him, that that Malay, in paying the +penalty with his tongue, had made a great sacrifice, and in compensation +now possessed great power.--What power? And how could he have acquired +it at the cost of his tongue? All this was very strange! Very +incomprehensible! + +Fabio went to his wife in her chamber; she was lying on the bed fully +dressed, but was not asleep.--On hearing his footsteps she started, then +rejoiced again to see him, as she had done in the garden. Fabio sat down +by the bed, took Valeria's hand, and after a brief pause, he asked her, +"What was that remarkable dream which had frightened her during the past +night? And had it been in the nature of that dream which Muzio had +related?" + +Valeria blushed and said hastily--"Oh, no! no! I saw ... some sort of a +monster, which tried to rend me." + +"A monster? In the form of a man?" inquired Fabio. + +"No, a wild beast ... a wild beast!"--And Valeria turned away and hid +her flaming face in the pillows. Fabio held his wife's hand for a while +longer; silently he raised it to his lips, and withdrew. + +The husband and wife passed a dreary day. It seemed as though something +dark were hanging over their heads ... but what it was, they could not +tell. They wanted to be together, as though some danger were menacing +them;--but what to say to each other, they did not know. Fabio made an +effort to work at the portrait, to read Ariosto, whose poem, which had +recently made its appearance in Ferrara, was already famous throughout +Italy; but he could do nothing.... Late in the evening, just in time for +supper, Muzio returned. + + + + +VII + + +He appeared calm and contented--but related few stories; he chiefly +interrogated Fabio concerning their mutual acquaintances of former days, +the German campaign, the Emperor Charles; he spoke of his desire to go +to Rome, to have a look at the new Pope. Again he offered Valeria wine +of Shiraz--and in reply to her refusal he said, as though to himself, +"It is not necessary now." + +On returning with his wife to their bedroom Fabio speedily fell +asleep ... and waking an hour later was able to convince himself that no +one shared his couch: Valeria was not with him. He hastily rose, and at +the selfsame moment he beheld his wife, in her night-dress, enter the +room from the garden. The moon was shining brightly, although not long +before a light shower had passed over.--With widely-opened eyes, and an +expression of secret terror on her impassive face, Valeria approached +the bed, and fumbling for it with her hands, which were outstretched in +front of her, she lay down hurriedly and in silence. Fabio asked her a +question, but she made no reply; she seemed to be asleep. He touched +her, and felt rain-drops on her clothing, on her hair, and grains of +sand on the soles of her bare feet. Then he sprang up and rushed into +the garden through the half-open door. The moonlight, brilliant to +harshness, inundated all objects. Fabio looked about him and descried on +the sand of the path traces of two pairs of feet; one pair was bare; and +those tracks led to an arbour covered with jasmin, which stood apart, +between the pavilion and the house. He stopped short in perplexity; and +lo! suddenly the notes of that song which he had heard on the preceding +night again rang forth! Fabio shuddered, and rushed into the +pavilion.... Muzio was standing in the middle of the room, playing on +his violin. Fabio darted to him. + +"Thou hast been in the garden, thou hast been out, thy clothing is damp +with rain." + +"No.... I do not know ... I do not think ... that I have been out of +doors ..." replied Muzio, in broken accents, as though astonished at +Fabio's advent, and at his agitation. + +Fabio grasped him by the arm.--"And why art thou playing that melody +again? Hast thou had another dream?" + +Muzio glanced at Fabio with the same surprise as before, and made no +answer. + +"Come, answer me!" + + "The moon is steel, like a circular shield.... + The river gleams like a snake.... + The friend is awake, the enemy sleeps-- + The hawk seizes the chicken in his claws.... + Help!" + +mumbled Muzio, in a singsong, as though in a state of unconsciousness. + +Fabio retreated a couple of paces, fixed his eyes on Muzio, meditated +for a space ... and returned to his house, to the bed-chamber. + +With her head inclined upon her shoulder, and her arms helplessly +outstretched, Valeria was sleeping heavily. He did not speedily succeed +in waking her ... but as soon as she saw him she flung herself on his +neck, and embraced him convulsively; her whole body was quivering. + +"What aileth thee, my dear one, what aileth thee?" said Fabio +repeatedly, striving to soothe her. + +But she continued to lie as in a swoon on his breast. "Akh, what +dreadful visions I see!" she whispered, pressing her face against him. + +Fabio attempted to question her ... but she merely trembled.... + +The window-panes were reddening with the first gleams of dawn when, at +last, she fell asleep in his arms. + + + + +VIII + + +On the following day Muzio disappeared early in the morning, and Valeria +informed her husband that she intended to betake herself to the +neighbouring monastery, where dwelt her spiritual father--an aged and +stately monk, in whom she cherished unbounded confidence. To Fabio's +questions she replied that she desired to alleviate by confession her +soul, which was oppressed with the impressions of the last few days. As +he gazed at Valeria's sunken visage, as he listened to her faint voice, +Fabio himself approved of her plan: venerable Father Lorenzo might be +able to give her useful advice, disperse her doubts.... Under the +protection of four escorts, Valeria set out for the monastery, but Fabio +remained at home; and while awaiting the return of his wife, he roamed +about the garden, trying to understand what had happened to her, and +feeling the unremitting terror and wrath and pain of indefinite +suspicions.... More than once he entered the pavilion; but Muzio had not +returned, and the Malay stared at Fabio like a statue, with an +obsequious inclination of his head, and a far-away grin--at least, so it +seemed to Fabio--a far-away grin on his bronze countenance. + +In the meantime Valeria had narrated everything in confession to her +confessor, being less ashamed than frightened. The confessor listened to +her attentively, blessed her, absolved her from her involuntary +sins,--but thought to himself: "Magic, diabolical witchcraft ... things +cannot be left in this condition".... and accompanied Valeria to her +villa, ostensibly for the purpose of definitely calming and comforting +her. + +At the sight of the confessor Fabio was somewhat startled; but the +experienced old man had already thought out beforehand how he ought to +proceed. On being left alone with Fabio, he did not, of course, betray +the secrets of the confessional; but he advised him to banish from his +house, if that were possible, his invited guest who, by his tales, +songs, and his whole conduct, had upset Valeria's imagination. Moreover, +in the old man's opinion, Muzio had not been firm in the faith in days +gone by, as he now recalled to mind; and after having sojourned so long +in regions not illuminated by the light of Christianity, he might have +brought thence the infection of false doctrines; he might even have +dabbled in magic; and therefore, although old friendship did assert its +rights, still wise caution pointed to parting as indispensable. + +Fabio thoroughly agreed with the venerable monk. Valeria even beamed all +over when her husband communicated to her her confessor's counsel; and +accompanied by the good wishes of both husband and wife, and provided +with rich gifts for the monastery and the poor, Father Lorenzo wended +his way home. + +Fabio had intended to have an explanation with Muzio directly after +supper, but his strange guest did not return to supper. Then Fabio +decided to defer the interview with Muzio until the following day, and +husband and wife withdrew to their bed-chamber. + + + + +IX + + +Valeria speedily fell asleep; but Fabio could not get to sleep. In the +nocturnal silence all that he had seen, all that he had felt, presented +itself to him in a still more vivid manner; with still greater +persistence did he ask himself questions, to which, as before, he found +no answer. Was Muzio really a magician? And had he already poisoned +Valeria? She was ill ... but with what malady? While he was engrossed in +painful meditations, with his head propped on his hand and restraining +his hot breathing, the moon again rose in the cloudless sky; and +together with its rays, through the semi-transparent window-panes, in +the direction of the pavilion, there began to stream in--or did Fabio +merely imagine it?--there began to stream in a breath resembling a +faint, perfumed current of air.... + +Now an importunate, passionate whisper began to make itself heard ... +and at that same moment he noticed that Valeria was beginning to stir +slightly. He started, gazed; she rose, thrust first one foot, then the +other from the bed, and, like a somnambulist, with her dull eyes +strained straight ahead, and her arms extended before her, she advanced +toward the door into the garden! Fabio instantly sprang through the +other door of the bedroom, and briskly running round the corner of the +house, he closed the one which led into the garden.... He had barely +succeeded in grasping the handle when he felt some one trying to open +the door from within, throwing their force against it ... more and more +strongly ... then frightened moans resounded. + + * * * * * + +"But Muzio cannot have returned from the town, surely," flashed through +Fabio's head, and he darted into the pavilion.... + +What did he behold? + +Coming to meet him, along the path brilliantly flooded with the radiance +of the moonlight, also with arms outstretched and lifeless eyes staring +widely--was Muzio.... Fabio ran up to him, but the other, without +noticing him, walked on, advancing with measured steps, and his +impassive face was smiling in the moonlight like the face of the Malay. +Fabio tried to call him by name ... but at that moment he heard a window +bang in the house behind him.... He glanced round.... + +In fact, the window of the bedroom was open from top to bottom, and with +one foot thrust across the sill stood Valeria in the window ... and her +arms seemed to be seeking Muzio, her whole being was drawn toward him. + +Unspeakable wrath flooded Fabio's breast in a suddenly-invading +torrent.--"Accursed sorcerer!" he yelled fiercely, and seizing Muzio by +the throat with one hand, he fumbled with the other for the dagger in +his belt, and buried its blade to the hilt in his side. + +Muzio uttered a piercing shriek, and pressing the palm of his hand to +the wound, fled, stumbling, back to the pavilion.... But at that same +instant, when Fabio stabbed him, Valeria uttered an equally piercing +shriek and fell to the ground like one mowed down. + +Fabio rushed to her, raised her up, carried her to the bed, spoke to +her.... + +For a long time she lay motionless; but at last she opened her eyes, +heaved a deep sigh, convulsively and joyously, like a person who has +just been saved from inevitable death,--caught sight of her husband, and +encircling his neck with her arms, pressed herself to his breast. + +"Thou, thou, it is thou," she stammered. Gradually the clasp of her arms +relaxed, her head sank backward, and whispering, with a blissful +smile:--"Thank God, all is over.... But how weary I am!"--she fell into +a profound but not heavy slumber. + + + + +X + + +Fabio sank down beside her bed, and never taking his eyes from her pale, +emaciated, but already tranquil face, he began to reflect upon what had +taken place ... and also upon how he ought to proceed now. What was he +to do? If he had slain Muzio--and when he recalled how deeply the blade +of his dagger had penetrated he could not doubt that he had done +so--then it was impossible to conceal the fact. He must bring it to the +knowledge of the Duke, of the judges ... but how was he to explain, how +was he to narrate such an incomprehensible affair? He, Fabio, had slain +in his own house his relative, his best friend! People would ask, "What +for? For what cause?..." But what if Muzio were not slain?--Fabio had +not the strength to remain any longer in uncertainty, and having made +sure that Valeria was asleep, he cautiously rose from his arm-chair, +left the house, and directed his steps toward the pavilion. All was +silent in it; only in one window was a light visible. With sinking heart +he opened the outer door--(a trace of bloody fingers still clung to it, +and on the sand of the path drops of blood made black patches)-- +raversed the first dark chamber ... and halted on the threshold, +petrified with astonishment. + +In the centre of the room, on a Persian rug, with a brocade cushion +under his head, covered with a wide scarlet shawl with black figures, +lay Muzio, with all his limbs stiffly extended. His face, yellow as wax, +with closed eyes and lids which had become blue, was turned toward the +ceiling, and no breath was to be detected: he seemed to be dead. At his +feet, also enveloped in a scarlet shawl, knelt the Malay. He held in his +left hand a branch of some unfamiliar plant, resembling a fern, and +bending slightly forward, he was gazing at his master, never taking his +eyes from him. A small torch, thrust into the floor, burned with a +greenish flame, and was the only light in the room. Its flame did not +flicker nor smoke. + +The Malay did not stir at Fabio's entrance, but merely darted a glance +at him and turned his eyes again upon Muzio. From time to time he +raised himself a little, and lowered the branch, waving it through the +air,--and his dumb lips slowly parted and moved, as though uttering +inaudible words. Between Muzio and the Malay there lay upon the floor +the dagger with which Fabio had stabbed his friend. The Malay smote the +blood-stained blade with his bough. One minute passed ... then another. +Fabio approached the Malay, and bending toward him, he said in a low +voice: "Is he dead?"--The Malay bowed his head, and disengaging his +right hand from beneath the shawl, pointed imperiously to the door. +Fabio was about to repeat his question, but the imperious hand repeated +its gesture, and Fabio left the room, raging arid marvelling but +submitting. + +He found Valeria asleep, as before, with a still more tranquil face. He +did not undress, but seated himself by the window, propped his head on +his hand, and again became immersed in thought. The rising sun found him +still in the same place. Valeria had not wakened. + + + + +XI + + +Fabio was intending to wait until she should awake, and then go to +Ferrara--when suddenly some one tapped lightly at the door of the +bedroom. Fabio went out and beheld before him his aged major-domo, +Antonio. + +"Signor," began the old man, "the Malay has just informed us that Signor +Muzio is ailing and desires to remove with all his effects to the town; +and therefore he requests that you will furnish him with the aid of some +persons to pack his things--and that you will send, about dinner-time, +both pack-and saddle-horses and a few men as guard. Do you permit?" + +"Did the Malay tell thee that?" inquired Fabio. "In what manner? For he +is dumb." + +"Here, signor, is a paper on which he wrote all this in our language, +very correctly." + +"And Muzio is ill, sayest thou?" + +"Yes, very ill, and he cannot be seen." + +"Has not a physician been sent for?" + +"No; the Malay would not allow it." + +"And was it the Malay who wrote this for thee?" + +"Yes, it was he." + +Fabio was silent for a space. + +"Very well, take the necessary measures," he said at last. + +Antonio withdrew. + +Fabio stared after his servant in perplexity.--"So he was not +killed?"--he thought ... and he did not know whether to rejoice or to +grieve.--"He is ill?"--But a few hours ago he had beheld him a corpse! + +Fabio returned to Valeria. She was awake, and raised her head. The +husband and wife exchanged a long, significant look. + +"Is he already dead?" said Valeria suddenly.--Fabio shuddered. + +"What ... he is not?--Didst thou.... Has he gone away?" she went on. + +Fabio's heart was relieved.--"Not yet; but he is going away to-day." + +"And I shall never, never see him again?" + +"Never." + +"And those visions will not be repeated?" + +"No." + +Valeria heaved another sigh of relief; a blissful smile again made its +appearance on her lips. She put out both hands to her husband. + +"And we shall never speak of him, never, hearest thou, my dear one. And +I shall not leave this room until he is gone. But now do thou send me my +serving-women ... and stay: take that thing!"--she pointed to a pearl +necklace which lay on the night-stand, the necklace which Muzio had +given her,---"and throw it immediately into our deep well. Embrace me--I +am thy Valeria--and do not come to me until ... that man is gone." + +Fabio took the necklace--its pearls seemed to have grown dim--and +fulfilled his wife's behest. Then he began to roam about the garden, +gazing from a distance at the pavilion, around which the bustle of +packing was already beginning. Men were carrying out chests, lading +horses ... but the Malay was not among them. An irresistible feeling +drew Fabio to gaze once more on what was going on in the pavilion. He +recalled the fact that in its rear façade there was a secret door +through which one might penetrate to the interior of the chamber where +Muzio had been lying that morning. He stole up to that door, found it +unlocked, and pushing aside the folds of a heavy curtain, darted in an +irresolute glance. + + + + +XII + + +Muzio was no longer lying on the rug. Dressed in travelling attire, he +was sitting in an arm-chair, but appeared as much of a corpse as at +Fabio's first visit. The petrified head had fallen against the back of +the chair, the hands lay flat, motionless, and yellow on the knees. His +breast did not heave. Round about the chair, on the floor strewn with +dried herbs, stood several flat cups filled with a dark liquid which +gave off a strong, almost suffocating odour,--the odour of musk. Around +each cup was coiled a small, copper-coloured serpent, which gleamed here +and there with golden spots; and directly in front of Muzio, a couple of +paces distant from him, rose up the tall figure of the Malay, clothed in +a motley-hued mantle of brocade, girt about with a tiger's tail, with a +tall cap in the form of a horned tiara on his head. + +But he was not motionless: now he made devout obeisances and seemed to +be praying, again he drew himself up to his full height, even stood on +tiptoe; now he threw his hands apart in broad and measured sweep, now he +waved them urgently in the direction of Muzio, and seemed to be menacing +or commanding with them, as he contracted his brows in a frown and +stamped his foot. All these movements evidently cost him great effort, +and even caused him suffering: he breathed heavily, the sweat streamed +from his face. Suddenly he stood stock-still on one spot, and inhaling +the air into his lungs and scowling, he stretched forward, then drew +toward him his clenched fists, as though he were holding reins in +them ... and to Fabio's indescribable horror, Muzio's head slowly +separated itself from the back of the chair and reached out after the +Malay's hands.... The Malay dropped his hands, and Muzio's head again +sank heavily backward; the Malay repeated his gestures, and the obedient +head repeated them after him. The dark liquid in the cups began to +seethe with a faint sound; the very cups themselves emitted a faint +tinkling, and the copper snakes began to move around each of them in +undulating motion. Then the Malay advanced a pace, and elevating his +eyebrows very high and opening his eyes until they were of huge size, he +nodded his head at Muzio ... and the eyelids of the corpse began to +flutter, parted unevenly, and from beneath them the pupils, dull as lead, +revealed themselves. With proud triumph and joy--a joy that was almost +malicious--beamed the face of the Malay; he opened his lips widely, and +from the very depths of his throat a prolonged roar wrested itself with +an effort.... Muzio's lips parted also, and a faint groan trembled on +them in reply to that inhuman sound. + +But at this point Fabio could endure it no longer: he fancied that he +was witnessing some devilish incantations! He also uttered a shriek and +started off at a run homeward, without looking behind him,--homeward as +fast as he could go, praying and crossing himself as he ran. + + + + +XIII + + +Three hours later Antonio presented himself before him with the report +that everything was ready, all the things were packed, and Signor Muzio +was preparing to depart. Without uttering a word in answer to his +servant, Fabio stepped out on the terrace, whence the pavilion was +visible. Several pack-horses were grouped in front of it; at the porch +itself a powerful black stallion, with a roomy saddle adapted for two +riders, was drawn up. There also stood the servants with bared heads and +the armed escort. The door of the pavilion opened and, supported by the +Malay, Muzio made his appearance. His face was deathlike, and his arms +hung down like those of a corpse,--but he walked ... yes! he put one +foot before the other, and once mounted on the horse, he held himself +upright, and got hold of the reins by fumbling. The Malay thrust his +feet into the stirrups, sprang up behind him on the saddle, encircled +his waist with his arm,--and the whole procession set out. The horses +proceeded at a walk, and when they made the turn in front of the house, +Fabio fancied that on Muzio's dark countenance two small white patches +gleamed.... Could it be that he had turned his eyes that way?--The Malay +alone saluted him ... mockingly, but as usual. + +Did Valeria see all this? The shutters of her windows were closed ... +but perhaps she was standing behind them. + + + + +XIV + + +At dinner-time she entered the dining-room, and was very quiet and +affectionate; but she still complained of being weary. Yet there was no +agitation about her, nor any of her former constant surprise and secret +fear; and when, on the day after Muzio's departure, Fabio again set +about her portrait, he found in her features that pure expression, the +temporary eclipse of which had so disturbed him ... and his brush flew +lightly and confidently over the canvas. + +Husband and wife began to live their life as of yore. Muzio had vanished +for them as though he had never existed. And both Fabio and Valeria +seemed to have entered into a compact not to recall him by a single +sound, not to inquire about his further fate; and it remained a mystery +for all others as well. Muzio really did vanish, as though he had sunk +through the earth. One day Fabio thought himself bound to relate to +Valeria precisely what had occurred on that fateful night ... but she, +probably divining his intention, held her breath, and her eyes narrowed +as though she were anticipating a blow.... And Fabio understood her: he +did not deal her that blow. + +One fine autumnal day Fabio was putting the finishing touches to the +picture of his Cecilia; Valeria was sitting at the organ, and her +fingers were wandering over the keys.... Suddenly, contrary to her own +volition, from beneath her fingers rang out that Song of Love Triumphant +which Muzio had once played,--and at that same instant, for the first +time since her marriage, she felt within her the palpitation of a new, +germinating life.... Valeria started and stopped short.... + +What was the meaning of this? Could it be.... + +With this word the manuscript came to an end. + + + + + + +CLARA MÍLITCH + +A TALE + +(1882) + + + + +I + + +In the spring of 1878 there lived in Moscow, in a small wooden house on +Shabólovka Street, a young man five-and-twenty years of age, Yákoff +Arátoff by name. With him lived his aunt, an old maid, over fifty years +of age, his father's sister, Platonída Ivánovna. She managed his +housekeeping and took charge of his expenditures, of which Arátoff was +utterly incapable. He had no other relations. Several years before, his +father, a petty and not wealthy noble of the T---- government, had +removed to Moscow, together with him and Platonída Ivánovna who, by the +way, was always called Platósha; and her nephew called her so too. When +he quitted the country where all of them had constantly dwelt hitherto, +old Arátoff had settled in the capital with the object of placing his +son in the university, for which he had himself prepared him; he +purchased for a trifling sum a small house on one of the remote streets, +and installed himself therein with all his books and "preparations." And +of books and preparations he had many, for he was a man not devoid of +learning ... "a supernatural eccentric," according to the words of his +neighbours. He even bore among them the reputation of a magician: he had +even received the nickname of "the insect-observer." He busied himself +with chemistry, mineralogy, entomology, botany, and medicine; he treated +voluntary patients with herbs and metallic powders of his own +concoction, after the method of Paracelsus. With those same powders he +had sent into the grave his young, pretty, but already too delicate +wife, whom he had passionately loved, and by whom he had had an only +son. With those same metallic powders he had wrought considerable havoc +with the health of his son also, which, on the contrary, he had wished +to reinforce, as he detected in his organisation anæmia and a tendency +to consumption inherited from his mother. The title of "magician" he had +acquired, among other things, from the fact that he considered himself a +great-grandson--not in the direct line, of course--of the famous Bruce, +in whose honour he had named his son Yákoff.[51] He was the sort of man +who is called "very good-natured," but of a melancholy temperament, +fussy, and timid, with a predilection for everything that was mysterious +or mystical.... "Ah!" uttered in a half-whisper was his customary +exclamation; and he died with that exclamation on his lips, two years +after his removal to Moscow. + +His son Yákoff did not, in outward appearance, resemble his father, who +had been homely in person, clumsy and awkward; he reminded one rather of +his mother. There were the same delicate, pretty features, the same soft +hair of ashblonde hue, the same plump, childish lips, and large, +languishing, greenish-grey eyes, and feathery eyelashes. On the other +hand in disposition he resembled his father; and his face, which did not +resemble his father's, bore the stamp of his father's expression; and he +had angular arms, and a sunken chest, like old Arátoff, who, by the way, +should hardly be called an old man, since he did not last to the age of +fifty. During the latter's lifetime Yákoff had already entered the +university, in the physico-mathematical faculty; but he did not finish +his course,--not out of idleness, but because, according to his ideas, a +person can learn no more in the university than he can teach himself at +home; and he did not aspire to a diploma, as he was not intending to +enter the government service. He avoided his comrades, made acquaintance +with hardly any one, was especially shy of women, and lived a very +isolated life, immersed in his books. He was shy of women, although he +had a very tender heart, and was captivated by beauty.... He even +acquired the luxury of an English keepsake, and (Oh, for shame!) admired +the portraits of divers, bewitching Gulnares and Medoras which "adorned" +it.... But his inborn modesty constantly restrained him. At home he +occupied his late father's study, which had also been his bedroom; and +his bed was the same on which his father had died. + +The great support of his whole existence, his unfailing comrade and +friend, was his aunt, that Platósha, with whom he exchanged barely ten +words a day, but without whom he could not take a step. She was a +long-visaged, long-toothed being, with pale eyes in a pale face, and an +unvarying expression partly of sadness, partly of anxious alarm. +Eternally attired in a grey gown, and a grey shawl which was redolent of +camphor, she wandered about the house like a shadow, with noiseless +footsteps; she sighed, whispered prayers--especially one, her favourite, +which consisted of two words: "Lord, help!"--and managed the +housekeeping very vigorously, hoarding every kopék and buying everything +herself. She worshipped her nephew; she was constantly fretting about +his health, was constantly in a state of alarm, not about herself but +about him, and as soon as she thought there was anything the matter with +him, she would quietly approach and place on his writing-table a cup of +herb-tea, or stroke his back with her hands, which were as soft as +wadding. + +This coddling did not annoy Yákoff, but he did not drink the herb-tea, +and only nodded approvingly. But neither could he boast of his health. +He was extremely sensitive, nervous, suspicious; he suffered from +palpitation of the heart, and sometimes from asthma. Like his father, he +believed that there existed in nature and in the soul of man secrets, of +which glimpses may sometimes be caught, though they cannot be +understood; he believed in the presence of certain forces and +influences, sometimes well-disposed but more frequently hostile ... and +he also believed in science,--in its dignity and worth. Of late he had +conceived a passion for photography. The odour of the ingredients used +in that connection greatly disturbed his old aunt,--again not on her own +behalf, but for Yásha's sake, on account of his chest. But with all his +gentleness of disposition he possessed no small portion of stubbornness, +and he diligently pursued his favourite occupation. "Platósha" +submitted, and merely sighed more frequently than ever, and whispered +"Lord, help!" as she gazed at his fingers stained with iodine. + +Yákoff, as has already been stated, shunned his comrades; but with one +of them he struck up a rather close friendship, and saw him frequently, +even after that comrade, on leaving the university, entered the +government service, which, however, was not very exacting: to use his +own words, he had "tacked himself on" to the building of the Church of +the Saviour[52] without, of course, knowing anything whatever about +architecture. Strange to say, that solitary friend of Arátoff's, Kupfer +by name, a German who was Russified to the extent of not knowing a +single word of German, and even used the epithet "German"[53] as a term +of opprobrium,--that friend had, to all appearance, nothing in common +with him. He was a jolly, rosy-cheeked young fellow with black, curly +hair, loquacious, and very fond of that feminine society which Arátoff +so shunned. Truth to tell, Kupfer breakfasted and dined with him rather +often, and even--as he was not a rich man--borrowed small sums of money +from him; but it was not that which made the free-and-easy German so +diligently frequent the little house on Shabólovka Street. He had taken +a liking to Yákoff's spiritual purity, his "ideality,"--possibly as a +contrast to what he daily encountered and beheld;--or, perhaps, in that +same attraction toward "ideality" the young man's German blood revealed +itself. And Yákoff liked Kupfer's good-natured frankness; and in +addition to this, his tales of the theatres, concerts, and balls which +he constantly attended--in general of that alien world into which Yákoff +could not bring himself to penetrate--secretly interested and even +excited the young recluse, yet without arousing in him a desire to test +all this in his own experience. And Platósha liked Kupfer; she sometimes +thought him too unceremonious, it is true; but instinctively feeling and +understanding that he was sincerely attached to her beloved Yásha, she +not only tolerated the noisy visitor, but even felt a kindness for him. + + + + +II + + +At the time of which we are speaking, there was in Moscow a certain +widow, a Georgian Princess,--a person of ill-defined standing and almost +a suspicious character. She was about forty years of age; in her youth +she had, probably, bloomed with that peculiar oriental beauty, which so +quickly fades; now she powdered and painted herself, and dyed her hair a +yellow hue. Various, not altogether favourable, and not quite definite, +rumours were in circulation about her; no one had known her husband--and +in no one city had she lived for any length of time. She had neither +children nor property; but she lived on a lavish scale,--on credit or +otherwise. She held a salon, as the saying is, and received a decidedly +mixed company--chiefly composed of young men. Her whole establishment, +beginning with her own toilette, furniture, and table, and ending with +her equipage and staff of servants, bore a certain stamp of inferiority, +artificiality, transitoriness ... but neither the Princess herself nor +her guests, apparently, demanded anything better. The Princess was +reputed to be fond of music and literature, to be a patroness of actors +and artists; and she really did take an interest in these "questions," +even to an enthusiastic degree--and even to a pitch of rapture which was +not altogether simulated. She indubitably did possess the æsthetic +chord. Moreover, she was very accessible, amiable, devoid of +pretensions, of affectation, and--a fact which many did not suspect--in +reality extremely kind, tender-hearted and obliging.... Rare qualities, +and therefore all the more precious, precisely in individuals of that +stamp. + +"A frivolous woman!" one clever person said concerning her, "and she +will infallibly get into paradise! For she forgives everything--and +everything will be forgiven her!"--It was also said concerning her that +when she disappeared from any town, she always left behind her as many +creditors as persons whom she had loaded with benefits. A soft heart can +be pressed in any direction you like. + +Kupfer, as was to be expected, was a visitor at her house, and became +very intimate with her ... altogether too intimate, so malicious tongues +asserted. But he always spoke of her not only in a friendly manner, but +also with respect; he lauded her as a woman of gold--interpret that as +you please!--and was a firm believer in her love for art, and in her +comprehension of art!--So then, one day after dinner, at the Arátoffs', +after having discussed the Princess and her evening gatherings, he began +to urge Yákoff to break in upon his life of an anchorite for once, and +permit him, Kupfer, to introduce him to his friend. At first Yákoff +would not hear to anything of the sort. + +"Why, what idea hast thou got into thy head?" exclaimed Kupfer at last. +"What sort of a presentation is in question? I shall simply take thee, +just as thou art now sitting there, in thy frock-coat, and conduct thee +to her evening. They do not stand on ceremony in the least there, +brother! Here now, thou art learned, and thou art fond of music" (there +actually was in Arátoff's study a small piano, on which he occasionally +struck a few chords in diminished sevenths)--"and in her house there is +any quantity of that sort of thing!... And there thou wilt meet +sympathetic people, without any airs! And, in conclusion, it is not +right that at thy age, with thy personal appearance" (Arátoff dropped +his eyes and waved his hand)--"yes, yes, with thy personal appearance, +thou shouldst shun society, the world, in this manner! I'm not going to +take thee to call on generals, seest thou! Moreover, I don't know any +generals myself!... Don't be stubborn, my dear fellow! Morality is a +good thing, a thing worthy of respect.... But why give thyself up to +asceticism? Assuredly, thou art not preparing to become a monk!" + +Arátoff continued, nevertheless, to resist; but Platonída Ivánovna +unexpectedly came to Kupfer's assistance. Although she did not quite +understand the meaning of the word "asceticism," still she also thought +that it would not be a bad idea for Yáshenka to divert himself, to take +a look at people,--and show himself.--"The more so," she added, "that I +have confidence in Feódor Feódoritch! He will not take thee to any bad +place!..." + +"I'll restore him to thee in all his pristine purity!" cried Kupfer, at +whom Platonída Ivánovna, in spite of her confidence, kept casting +uneasy glances; Arátoff blushed to his very ears--but he ceased to +object. + +It ended in Kupfer taking him, on the following day, to the Princess's +evening assembly. But Arátoff did not remain there long. In the first +place, he found at her house about twenty guests, men and women, who +were, presumably, sympathetic, but who were strangers to him, +nevertheless; and this embarrassed him, although he was obliged to talk +very little: but he feared this most of all. In the second place, he did +not like the hostess herself, although she welcomed him very cordially +and unaffectedly. Everything about her displeased him; her painted face, +and her churned-up curls, and her hoarsely-mellifluous voice, her shrill +laugh, her way of rolling up her eyes, her too _décolleté_ bodice--and +those plump, shiny fingers with a multitude of rings!... Slinking off +into a corner, he now swiftly ran his eyes over the faces of all the +guests, as though he did not even distinguish one from another; again he +stared persistently at his own feet. But when, at last, an artist who +had just come to town, with a drink-sodden countenance, extremely long +hair, and a bit of glass under his puckered brow, seated himself at the +piano, and bringing down his hands on the keys and his feet on the +pedals, with a flourish, began to bang out a fantasia by Liszt on a +Wagnerian theme, Arátoff could stand it no longer, and slipped away, +bearing in his soul a confused and oppressive impression, athwart which, +nevertheless, there pierced something which he did not understand, but +which was significant and even agitating. + + + + +III + + +Kupfer came on the following day to dinner; but he did not enlarge upon +the preceding evening, he did not even reproach Arátoff for his hasty +flight, and merely expressed regret that he had not waited for supper, +at which champagne had been served! (of Nízhegorod[54] fabrication, we +may remark in parenthesis). + +Kupfer probably understood that he had made a mistake in trying to +rouse his friend, and that Arátoff was a man who positively was not +adapted to that sort of society and manner of life. On his side, Arátoff +also did not allude to the Princess or to the night before. Platonída +Ivánovna did not know whether to rejoice at the failure of this first +attempt or to regret it. She decided, at last, that Yásha's health might +suffer from such expeditions, and regained her complacency. Kupfer went +away directly after dinner, and did not show himself again for a whole +week. And that not because he was sulking at Arátoff for the failure of +his introduction,--the good-natured fellow was incapable of such a +thing,--but he had, evidently, found some occupation which engrossed all +his time, all his thoughts;--for thereafter he rarely came to the +Arátoffs', wore an abstracted aspect, and soon vanished.... Arátoff +continued to live on as before; but some hitch, if we may so express +ourselves, had secured lodgment in his soul. He still recalled something +or other, without himself being quite aware what it was precisely,--and +that "something" referred to the evening which he had spent at the +Princess's house. Nevertheless, he had not the slightest desire to +return to it; and society, a section of which he had inspected in her +house, repelled him more than ever. Thus passed six weeks. + +And lo! one morning, Kupfer again presented himself to him, this time +with a somewhat embarrassed visage. + +"I know," he began, with a forced laugh, "that thy visit that evening +was not to thy taste; but I hope that thou wilt consent to my proposal +nevertheless ... and wilt not refuse my request." + +"What art thou talking about?" inquired Arátoff. + +"See here," pursued Kupfer, becoming more and more animated; "there +exists here a certain society of amateurs and artists, which from time +to time organises readings, concerts, even theatrical representations, +for philanthropic objects...." + +"And the Princess takes part?" interrupted Arátoff. + +"The Princess always takes part in good works--but that is of no +consequence. We have got up a literary and musical morning ... and at +that performance thou mayest hear a young girl ... a remarkable young +girl!--We do not quite know, as yet, whether she will turn out a Rachel +or a Viardot ... for she sings splendidly, and declaims and acts.... She +has talent of the first class, my dear fellow! I am not +exaggerating.--So here now ... wilt not thou take a ticket?--Five rubles +if thou wishest the first row." + +"And where did this wonderful young girl come from?" asked Arátoff. + +Kupfer grinned.--"That I cannot say.... Of late she has found an asylum +with the Princess. The Princess, as thou knowest, is a patron of all +such people.... And it is probable that thou sawest her that evening." + +Arátoff started inwardly, faintly ... but made no answer. + +"She has even acted somewhere in country districts," went on Kupfer, +"and, on the whole, she was created for the theatre. Thou shalt see for +thyself!" + +"Is her name Clara?" asked Arátoff. + +"Yes, Clara...." + +"Clara!" interrupted Arátoff again.--"It cannot be!" + +"Why not?--Clara it is, ... Clara Mílitch; that is not her real name ... +but that is what she is called. She is to sing a romance by Glinka ... +and one by Tchaikóvsky, and then she will recite the letter from 'Evgény +Onyégin'[55]--Come now! Wilt thou take a ticket?" + +"But when is it to be?" + +"To-morrow ... to-morrow, at half-past one, in a private hall, on +Ostozhyónka Street.... I will come for thee. A ticket at five rubles?... +Here it is.... No, this is a three-ruble ticket.--Here it is.--And here +is the affiche.[56]--I am one of the managers." + +Arátoff reflected. Platonída Ivánovna entered the room at that moment +and, glancing at his face, was suddenly seized with agitation.--"Yásha," +she exclaimed, "what ails thee? Why art thou so excited? Feódor +Feódorovitch, what hast thou been saying to him?" + +But Arátoff did not give his friend a chance to answer his aunt's +question, and hastily seizing the ticket which was held out to him, he +ordered Platonída Ivánovna to give Kupfer five rubles on the instant. + +She was amazed, and began to blink her eyes.... Nevertheless, she handed +Kupfer the money in silence. Yáshenka had shouted at her in a very +severe manner. + +"She's a marvel of marvels, I tell thee!" cried Kupfer, darting toward +the door.--"Expect me to-morrow!" + +"Has she black eyes?" called Arátoff after him. + +"As black as coal!" merrily roared Kupfer, and disappeared. + +Arátoff went off to his own room, while Platonída Ivánovna remained +rooted to the spot, repeating: "Help, Lord! Lord, help!" + + + + +IV + + +The large hall in a private house on Ostozhyónka Street was already half +filled with spectators when Arátoff and Kupfer arrived. Theatrical +representations were sometimes given in that hall, but on this occasion +neither stage-scenery nor curtain were visible. Those who had organised +the "morning" had confined themselves to erecting a platform at one end, +placing thereon a piano and a couple of music-racks, a few chairs, a +table with a carafe of water and a glass, and hanging a curtain of red +cloth over the door which led to the room set apart for the artists. In +the first row the Princess was already seated, clad in a bright green +gown; Arátoff placed himself at some distance from her, after barely +exchanging a bow with her. The audience was what is called motley; it +consisted chiefly of young men from various institutions of learning. +Kupfer, in his quality of a manager, with a white ribbon on the lapel of +his dress-coat, bustled and fussed about with all his might; the +Princess was visibly excited, kept looking about her, launching smiles +in all directions, and chatting with her neighbours ... there were only +men in her immediate vicinity. + +The first to make his appearance on the platform was a flute-player of +consumptive aspect, who spat out ... that is to say, piped out a piece +which was consumptive like himself. Two persons shouted "Bravo!" Then a +fat gentleman in spectacles, very sedate and even grim of aspect, +recited in a bass voice a sketch by Shtchedrín;[57] the audience +applauded the sketch, not him.--Then the pianist, who was already known +to Arátoff, presented himself, and pounded out the same Liszt fantasia; +the pianist was favoured with a recall. He bowed, with his hand resting +on the back of a chair, and after each bow he tossed back his hair +exactly like Liszt! At last, after a decidedly long intermission, the +red cloth over the door at the rear of the platform moved, was drawn +widely apart, and Clara Mílitch made her appearance. The hall rang with +applause. With unsteady steps she approached the front of the platform, +came to a halt, and stood motionless, with her large, red, ungloved +hands crossed in front of her, making no curtsey, neither bending her +head nor smiling. + +She was a girl of nineteen, tall, rather broad-shouldered, but well +built. Her face was swarthy, partly Hebrew, partly Gipsy in type; her +eyes were small and black beneath thick brows which almost met, her nose +was straight, slightly up-turned, her lips were thin with a beautiful +but sharp curve; she had a huge braid of black hair, which was heavy +even to the eye, a low, impassive, stony brow, tiny ears ... her whole +countenance was thoughtful, almost surly. A passionate, self-willed +nature,--not likely to be either kindly or even intelligent,--but +gifted, was manifested by everything about her. + +For a while she did not raise her eyes, but suddenly gave a start and +sent her intent but not attentive glance, which seemed to be buried in +herself, along the rows of spectators. + +"What tragic eyes!" remarked a certain grey-haired fop, who sat behind +Arátoff, with the face of a courtesan from Revel,--one of Moscow's +well-known first-nighters and rounders. The fop was stupid and intended +to utter a bit of nonsense ... but he had spoken the truth! Arátoff, who +had never taken his eyes from Clara since she had made her appearance, +only then recalled that he actually had seen her at the Princess's; and +had not only seen her, but had even noticed that she had several times +looked at him with particular intentness out of her dark, watchful eyes. +And on this occasion also ... or did he merely fancy that it was so?--on +catching sight of him in the first row, she seemed to be delighted, +seemed to blush--and again she gazed intently at him. Then, without +turning round, she retreated a couple of paces in the direction of the +piano, at which the accompanist, the long-haired foreigner, was already +seated. She was to execute Glinka's romance, "As soon as I recognised +thee...." She immediately began to sing, without altering the position +of her hands and without glancing at the notes. Her voice was soft and +resonant,--a contralto,--she pronounced her words distinctly and +forcibly, and sang monotonously, without shading but with strong +expression. + +"The lass sings with conviction," remarked the same fop who sat behind +Arátoff,--and again he spoke the truth. + +Shouts of "Bis!" "Bravo!" resounded all about, but she merely darted a +swift glance at Arátoff, who was neither shouting nor clapping,--he had +not been particularly pleased by her singing,--made a slight bow and +withdrew, without taking the arm of the hairy pianist which he had +crooked out like a cracknel. She was recalled ... but it was some time +before she made her appearance, advanced to the piano with the same +uncertain tread as before, and after whispering a couple of words to her +accompanist, who was obliged to get and place on the rack before him not +the music he had prepared but something else,--she began Tchaikóvsky's +romance: "No, only he who hath felt the thirst of meeting".... This +romance she sang in a different way from the first--in an undertone, as +though she were weary ... and only in the line before the last, "He will +understand how I have suffered,"--did a ringing, burning cry burst from +her. The last line, "And how I suffer...." she almost whispered, sadly +prolonging the final word. This romance produced a slighter impression +on the audience than Glinka's; but there was a great deal of +applause.... Kupfer, in particular, distinguished himself: he brought +his hands together in a peculiar manner, in the form of a cask, when he +clapped, thereby producing a remarkably sonorous noise. The Princess +gave him a large, dishevelled bouquet, which he was to present to the +songstress; but the latter did not appear to perceive Kupfer's bowed +figure, and his hand outstretched with the bouquet, and she turned and +withdrew, again without waiting for the pianist, who had sprung to his +feet with still greater alacrity than before to escort her, and who, +being thus left in the lurch, shook his hair as Liszt himself, in all +probability, never shook his! + +During the whole time she was singing Arátoff had been scanning Clara's +face. It seemed to him that her eyes, athwart her contracted lashes, +were again turned on him. But he was particularly struck by the +impassiveness of that face, that forehead, those brows, and only when +she uttered her passionate cry did he notice a row of white, closely-set +teeth gleaming warmly from between her barely parted lips. Kupfer +stepped up to him. + +"Well, brother, what dost thou think of her?" he asked, all beaming with +satisfaction. + +"She has a fine voice," replied Arátoff, "but she does not know how to +sing yet, she has had no real school." (Why he said this and what he +meant by "school" the Lord only knows!) + +Kupfer was surprised.--"She has no school," he repeated slowly.... +"Well, now.... She can still study. But on the other hand, what soul! +But just wait until thou hast heard her recite Tatyána's letter." + +He ran away from Arátoff, and the latter thought: "Soul! With that +impassive face!"--He thought that she bore herself and moved like a +hypnotised person, like a somnambulist.... And, at the same time, she +was indubitably.... Yes! she was indubitably staring at him. + +Meanwhile the "morning" went on. The fat man in spectacles presented +himself again; despite his serious appearance he imagined that he was a +comic artist and read a scene from Gógol, this time without evoking a +single token of approbation. The flute-player flitted past once more; +again the pianist thundered; a young fellow of twenty, pomaded and +curled, but with traces of tears on his cheeks, sawed out some +variations on his fiddle. It might have appeared strange that in the +intervals between the recitations and the music the abrupt notes of a +French horn were wafted, now and then, from the artists' room; but this +instrument was not used, nevertheless. It afterward came out that the +amateur who had offered to perform on it had been seized with a panic at +the moment when he should have made his appearance before the audience. +So at last, Clara Mílitch appeared again. + +She held in her hand a small volume of Púshkin; but during her reading +she never once glanced at it.... She was obviously frightened; the +little book shook slightly in her fingers. Arátoff also observed the +expression of dejection which _now_ overspread her stern features. The +first line: "I write to you ... what would you more?" she uttered with +extreme simplicity, almost ingenuously,--stretching both arms out in +front of her with an ingenuous, sincere, helpless gesture. Then she +began to hurry a little; but beginning with the line: "Another! Nay! to +none on earth could I have given e'er my heart!" she regained her +self-possession, and grew animated; and when she reached the words: +"All, all life hath been a pledge of faithful meeting thus with +thee,"--her hitherto rather dull voice rang out enthusiastically and +boldly, and her eyes riveted themselves on Arátoff with a boldness and +directness to match. She went on with the same enthusiasm, and only +toward the close did her voice again fall, and in it and in her face her +previous dejection was again depicted. She made a complete muddle, as +the saying is, of the last four lines,--the little volume of Púshkin +suddenly slipped from her hands, and she beat a hasty retreat. + +The audience set to applauding and recalling her in desperate +fashion.... One theological student,--a Little Russian,--among others, +bellowed so loudly: "Muíluitch! Muíluitch!"[58] that his neighbour +politely and sympathetically begged him to "spare himself, as a future +proto-deacon!"[59] But Arátoff immediately rose and betook himself to +the entrance. Kupfer overtook him.... + +"Good gracious, whither art thou going?" he yelled:--"I'll introduce +thee to Clara if thou wishest--shall I?" + +"No, thanks," hastily replied Arátoff, and set off homeward almost at a +run. + + + + +V + + +Strange emotions, which were not clear even to himself, agitated him. In +reality, Clara's recitation had not altogether pleased him either ... +altogether he could not tell precisely why. It had troubled him, that +recitation, it had seemed to him harsh, unmelodious.... Somehow it +seemed to have broken something within him, to have exerted some sort of +violence. And those importunate, persistent, almost insolent +glances--what had caused them? What did they signify? + +Arátoff's modesty did permit him even a momentary thought that he might +have pleased that strange young girl, that he might have inspired her +with a sentiment akin to love, to passion!... And he had imagined to +himself quite otherwise that as yet unknown woman, that young girl, to +whom he would surrender himself wholly, and who would love him, become +his bride, his wife.... He rarely dreamed of this: he was chaste both in +body and soul;--but the pure image which rose up in his imagination at +such times was evoked under another form,--the form of his dead mother, +whom he barely remembered, though he cherished her portrait like a +sacred treasure. That portrait had been painted in water-colours, in a +rather inartistic manner, by a friendly neighbour, but the likeness was +striking, as every one averred. The woman, the young girl, whom as yet +he did not so much as venture to expect, must possess just such a tender +profile, just such kind, bright eyes, just such silky hair, just such a +smile, just such a clear understanding.... + +But this was a black-visaged, swarthy creature, with coarse hair, and a +moustache on her lip; she must certainly be bad-tempered, giddy.... "A +gipsy" (Arátoff could not devise a worse expression)--what was she to +him? + +And in the meantime, Arátoff was unable to banish from his mind that +black-visaged gipsy, whose singing and recitation and even whose +personal appearance were disagreeable to him. He was perplexed, he was +angry with himself. Not long before this he had read Walter Scott's +romance "Saint Ronan's Well" (there was a complete edition of Walter +Scott's works in the library of his father, who revered the English +romance-writer as a serious, almost a learned author). The heroine of +that romance is named Clara Mowbray. A poet of the '40's, Krásoff, wrote +a poem about her, which wound up with the words: + + "Unhappy Clara! foolish Clara! + Unhappy Clara Mowbray!" + +Arátoff was acquainted with this poem also.... And now these words kept +incessantly recurring to his memory.... "Unhappy Clara! foolish +Clara!..." (That was why he had been so surprised when Kupfer mentioned +Clara Mílitch to him.) Even Platósha noticed, not precisely a change in +Yákoff's frame of mind--as a matter of fact, no change had taken +place--but something wrong about his looks, in his remarks. She +cautiously interrogated him about the literary morning at which he had +been present;--she whispered, sighed, scrutinised him from in front, +scrutinised him from the side, from behind--and suddenly, slapping her +hands on her thighs, she exclaimed: + +"Well, Yáshal--I see what the trouble is!" + +"What dost thou mean?" queried Arátoff in his turn. + +"Thou hast certainly met at that morning some one of those +tail-draggers" (that was what Platonída Ivánovna called all ladies who +wore fashionable gowns).... "She has a comely face--and she puts on airs +like _this_,--and twists her face like _this_" (Platósha depicted all +this in her face), "and she makes her eyes go round like this...." (she +mimicked this also, describing huge circles in the air with her +forefinger).... "And it made an impression on thee, because thou art not +used to it.... But that does not signify anything, Yásha ... it does not +signify anything! Drink a cup of herb-tea when thou goest to bed, and +that will be the end of it!... Lord, help!" + +Platósha ceased speaking and took herself off.... She probably had never +made such a long and animated speech before since she was born ... but +Arátoff thought: + +"I do believe my aunt is right.... It is all because I am not used to +such things...." (He really had attracted the attention of the female +sex to himself for the first time ... at any rate, he had never noticed +it before.) "I must not indulge myself." + +So he set to work at his books, and drank some linden-flower tea when he +went to bed, and even slept well all that night, and had no dreams. On +the following morning he busied himself with his photography, as though +nothing had happened.... + +But toward evening his spiritual serenity was again disturbed. + + + + +VI + + +To wit: a messenger brought him a note, written in a large, irregular +feminine hand, which ran as follows: + +"If you guess who is writing to you, and if it does not bore you, come +to-morrow, after dinner, to the Tver boulevard--about five o'clock--and +wait. You will not be detained long. But it is very important. Come." + +There was no signature. Arátoff instantly divined who his correspondent +was, and that was precisely what disturbed him.--"What nonsense!" he +said, almost aloud. "This is too much! Of course I shall not +go."--Nevertheless, he ordered the messenger to be summoned, and from +him he learned merely that the letter had been handed to him on the +street by a maid. Having dismissed him, Arátoff reread the letter, and +flung it on the floor.... But after a while he picked it up and read it +over again; a second time he cried: "Nonsense!" He did not throw the +letter on the floor this time, however, but put it away in a drawer. + +Arátoff went about his customary avocations, busying himself now with +one, now with another; but his work did not make progress, was not a +success. Suddenly he noticed that he was waiting for Kupfer, that he +wanted to interrogate him, or even communicate something to him.... But +Kupfer did not make his appearance. Then Arátoff got Púshkin and read +Tatyána's letter and again felt convinced that that "gipsy" had not in +the least grasped the meaning of the letter. But there was that jester +Kupfer shouting: "A Rachel! A Viardot!" Then he went to his piano, +raised the cover in an abstracted sort of way, tried to search out in +his memory the melody of Tchaikóvsky's romance; but he immediately +banged to the piano-lid with vexation and went to his aunt, in her own +room, which was always kept very hot, and was forever redolent of mint, +sage, and other medicinal herbs, and crowded with such a multitude of +rugs, étagères, little benches, cushions and various articles of +softly-stuffed furniture that it was difficult for an inexperienced +person to turn round in it, and breathing was oppressive. Platonída +Ivánovna was sitting by the window with her knitting-needles in her hand +(she was knitting a scarf for Yáshenka--the thirty-eighth, by actual +count, during the course of his existence!)--and was greatly surprised. +Arátoff rarely entered her room, and if he needed anything he always +shouted in a shrill voice from his study: "Aunt Platósha!"--But she made +him sit down and, in anticipation of his first words, pricked up her +ears, as she stared at him through her round spectacles with one eye, +and above them with the other. She did not inquire after his health, and +did not offer him tea, for she saw that he had not come for that. +Arátoff hesitated for a while ... then began to talk ... to talk about +his mother, about the way she had lived with his father, and how his +father had made her acquaintance. He knew all this perfectly well ... +but he wanted to talk precisely about that. Unluckily for him, Platósha +did not know how to converse in the least; she made very brief replies, +as though she suspected that Yásha had not come for that purpose. + +"Certainly!"--she kept repeating hurriedly, as she plied her +knitting-needles almost in an angry way. "Every one knows that thy +mother was a dove ... a regular dove.... And thy father loved her as a +husband should love, faithfully and honourably, to the very grave; and +he never loved any other woman,"--she added, elevating her voice and +removing her spectacles. + +"And was she of a timid disposition?" asked Arátoff, after a short +pause. + +"Certainly she was. As is fitting for the female sex. The bold ones are +a recent invention." + +"And were there no bold ones in your time?" + +"There were such even in our day ... of course there were! But who were +they? Some street-walker, or shameless hussy or other. She would drag +her skirts about, and fling herself hither and thither at random.... +What did she care? What anxiety had she? If a young fool came along, he +fell into her hands. But steady-going people despised them. Dost thou +remember ever to have beheld such in our house?" + +Arátoff made no reply and returned to his study. Platonída Ivánovna +gazed after him, shook her head and again donned her spectacles, again +set to work on her scarf ... but more than once she fell into thought +and dropped her knitting-needles on her knee. + +And Arátoff until nightfall kept again and again beginning, with the +same vexation, the same ire as before, to think about "the gipsy," the +appointed tryst, to which he certainly would not go! During the night +also she worried him. He kept constantly seeing her eyes, now narrowed, +now widely opened, with their importunate gaze riveted directly on him, +and those impassive features with their imperious expression. + +On the following morning he again kept expecting Kupfer, for some reason +or other; he came near writing him a letter ... however, he did +nothing ... but spent most of his time pacing to and fro in his study. +Not for one instant did he even admit to himself the thought that he +would go to that stupid "rendezvous" ... and at half-past four, after +having swallowed his dinner in haste, he suddenly donned his overcoat +and pulling his cap down on his brows, he stole out of the house without +letting his aunt see him and wended his way to the Tver boulevard. + + + + +VII + + +Arátoff found few pedestrians on the boulevard. The weather was raw and +quite cold. He strove not to think of what he was doing. He forced +himself to turn his attention to all the objects he came across and +pretended to assure himself that he had come out to walk precisely like +the other people.... The letter of the day before was in his +side-pocket, and he was uninterruptedly conscious of its presence. He +walked the length of the boulevard a couple of times, darting keen +glances at every feminine form which approached him, and his heart +thumped, thumped violently.... He began to feel tired, and sat down on a +bench. And suddenly the idea occurred to him: "Come now, what if that +letter was not written by her but by some one else, by some other +woman?" In point of fact, that should have made no difference to him ... +and yet he was forced to admit to himself that he did not wish this. "It +would be very stupid," he thought, "still more stupid than _that_!" A +nervous restlessness began to take possession of him; he began to feel +chilly, not outwardly but inwardly. Several times he drew out his watch +from his waistcoat pocket, glanced at the face, put it back again,--and +every time forgot how many minutes were lacking to five o'clock. It +seemed to him as though every one who passed him stared at him in a +peculiar manner, surveying him with a certain sneering surprise and +curiosity. A wretched little dog ran up, sniffed at his legs and began +to wag its tail. He flourished his arms angrily at it. He was most +annoyed of all by a small boy from a factory in a bed-ticking jacket, +who seated himself on the bench and first whistled, then scratched his +head, dangling his legs, encased in huge, broken boots, the while, and +staring at him from time to time. "His employer is certainly expecting +him," thought Arátoff, "and here he is, the lazy dog, wasting his time +idling about...." + +But at that same moment it seemed to him as though some one had +approached and taken up a stand close behind him ... a warm current +emanated thence.... + +He glanced round.... It was she! + +He recognised her immediately, although a thick, dark-blue veil +concealed her features. He instantly sprang from the bench, and remained +standing there, unable to utter a word. She also maintained silence. He +felt greatly agitated ... but her agitation was as great as his: Arátoff +could not help seeing even through the veil how deadly pale she grew. +But she was the first to speak. + +"Thank you," she began in a broken voice, "thank you for coming. I did +not hope...." She turned away slightly and walked along the boulevard. +Arátoff followed her. + +"Perhaps you condemn me," she went on, without turning her head.--"As a +matter of fact, my action is very strange.... But I have heard a great +deal about you ... but no! I ... that was not the cause.... If you only +knew.... I wanted to say so much to you, my God!... But how am I to do +it?... How am I to do it!" + +Arátoff walked by her side, but a little in the rear. He did not see her +face; he saw only her hat and a part of her veil ... and her long, +threadbare cloak. All his vexation against her and against himself +suddenly returned to him; all the absurdity, all the awkwardness of this +tryst, of these explanations between utter strangers, on a public +boulevard, suddenly presented itself to him. + +"I have come hither at your behest," he began in his turn, "I have come, +my dear madame" (her shoulders quivered softly, she turned into a side +path, and he followed her), "merely for the sake of having an +explanation, of learning in consequence of what strange misunderstanding +you were pleased to appeal to me, a stranger to you, who ... who only +_guessed_, as you expressed it in your letter, that it was precisely you +who had written to him ... because he guessed that you had tried, in the +course of that literary morning to show him too much ... too much +obvious attention." + +Arátoff uttered the whole of this little speech in the same resonant but +firm voice in which men who are still very young answer at examinations +on questions for which they are well prepared.... He was indignant; he +was angry.... And that wrath had loosed his tongue which was not very +fluent on ordinary occasions. + +She continued to advance along the path with somewhat lagging steps.... +Arátoff followed her as before, and as before saw only her little old +mantilla and her small hat, which was not quite new either. His vanity +suffered at the thought that she must now be thinking: "All I had to do +was to make a sign, and he immediately hastened to me!" + +Arátoff lapsed into silence ... he expected that she would reply to him; +but she did not utter a word. + +"I am ready to listen to you," he began again, "and I shall even be very +glad if I can be of service to you in any way ... although, I must +confess, nevertheless, that I find it astonishing ... that considering +my isolated life...." + +But at his last words Clara suddenly turned to him and he beheld the +same startled, profoundly-sorrowful visage, with the same large, bright +tears in its eyes, with the same woful expression around the parted +lips; and the visage was so fine thus that he involuntarily broke off +short and felt within himself something akin to fright, and pity and +forbearance. + +"Akh, why ... why are you like this? ..." she said with irresistibly +sincere and upright force--and what a touching ring there was to her +voice!--"Is it possible that my appeal to you can have offended you?... +Is it possible that you have understood nothing?... Ah, yes! You have +not understood anything, you have not understood what I said to you. God +knows what you have imagined about me, you have not even reflected what +it cost me to write to you!... You have been anxious only on your own +account, about your own dignity, your own peace!... But did I...." (she +so tightly clenched her hands which she had raised to her lips that her +fingers cracked audibly).... "As though I had made any demands upon you, +as though explanations were requisite to begin with.... 'My dear +madame'.... 'I even find it astonishing'.... 'If I can be of service to +you'.... Akh, how foolish I have been!--I have been deceived in you, in +your face!... When I saw you for the first time.... There.... There you +stand.... And not one word do you utter! Have you really not a word to +say?" + +She had been imploring.... Her face suddenly flushed, and as suddenly +assumed an evil and audacious expression,--"O Lord! how stupid this +is!"--she cried suddenly, with a harsh laugh.--"How stupid our tryst is! +How stupid I am! ... and you, too!... Fie!" + +She made a disdainful gesture with her hand as though sweeping him out +of her path, and passing around him she ran swiftly from the boulevard +and disappeared. + +That gesture of the hand, that insulting laugh, that final exclamation +instantly restored Arátoff to his former frame of mind and stifled in +him the feeling which had risen in his soul when she turned to him with +tears in her eyes. Again he waxed wroth, and came near shouting after +the retreating girl: "You may turn out a good actress, but why have you +taken it into your head to play a comedy on me?" + +With great strides he returned home, and although he continued to be +indignant and to rage all the way thither, still, at the same time, +athwart all these evil, hostile feelings there forced its way the memory +of that wondrous face which he had beheld only for the twinkling of an +eye.... He even put to himself the question: "Why did not I answer her +when she demanded from me at least one word?"--"I did not have time," +... he thought.... "She did not give me a chance to utter that word.... +And what would I have uttered?" + +But he immediately shook his head and said, "An actress!" + +And yet, at the same time, the vanity of the inexperienced, nervous +youth, which had been wounded at first, now felt rather flattered at +the passion which he had inspired.... + +"But on the other hand," he pursued his reflections, "all that is at an +end of course.... I must have appeared ridiculous to her.".... + +This thought was disagreeable to him, and again he grew angry ... both +at her ... and at himself. On reaching home he locked himself in his +study. He did not wish to encounter Platósha. The kind old woman came to +his door a couple of times, applied her ear to the key-hole, and merely +sighed and whispered her prayer.... + +"It has begun!" she thought.... "And he is only five-and-twenty.... Akh, +it is early, early!" + + + + +VIII + + +Akátoff was very much out of sorts all the following day. + +"What is the matter, Yásha?" Platonída Ivánovna said to him. "Thou +seemest to be tousled to-day, somehow."... In the old woman's peculiar +language this quite accurately defined Arátoff's moral condition. He +could not work, but even he himself did not know what he wanted. Now he +was expecting Kupfer again (he suspected that it was precisely from +Kupfer that Clara had obtained his address ... and who else could have +"talked a great deal" about him?); again he wondered whether his +acquaintance with her was to end in that way? ... again he imagined that +she would write him another letter; again he asked himself whether he +ought not to write her a letter, in which he might explain everything to +her,---as he did not wish to leave an unpleasant impression of +himself.... But, in point of fact, _what_ was he to explain?--Now he +aroused in himself something very like disgust for her, for her +persistence, her boldness; again that indescribably touching face +presented itself to him and her irresistible voice made itself heard; +and yet again he recalled her singing, her recitation--and did not know +whether he was right in his wholesale condemnation.--In one word: he was +a tousled man! At last he became bored with all this and decided, as the +saying is, "to take it upon himself" and erase all that affair, as it +undoubtedly was interfering with his avocations and disturbing his peace +of mind.--He did not find it so easy to put his resolution into +effect.... More than a week elapsed before he got back again into his +ordinary rut. Fortunately, Kupfer did not present himself at all, any +more than if he had not been in Moscow. Not long before the "affair" +Arátoff had begun to busy himself with painting for photographic ends; +he devoted himself to this with redoubled zeal. + +Thus, imperceptibly, with a few "relapses" as the doctors express it, +consisting, for example in the fact that he once came very near going to +call on the Princess, two weeks ... three weeks passed ... and Arátoff +became once more the Arátoff of old. Only deep down, under the surface +of his life, something heavy and dark secretly accompanied him in all +his comings and goings. Thus does a large fish which has just been +hooked, but has not yet been drawn out, swim along the bottom of a deep +river under the very boat wherein sits the fisherman with his stout rod +in hand. + +And lo! one day as he was skimming over some not quite fresh numbers of +the _Moscow News,_ Arátoff hit upon the following correspondence: + +"With great sorrow," wrote a certain local literary man from Kazán, "we +insert in our theatrical chronicle the news of the sudden death of our +gifted actress, Clara Mílitch, who had succeeded in the brief space of +her engagement in becoming the favourite of our discriminating public. +Our sorrow is all the greater because Miss Mílitch herself put an end to +her young life, which held so much of promise, by means of poison. And +this poisoning is all the more dreadful because the actress took the +poison on the stage itself! They barely got her home, where, to +universal regret, she died. Rumours are current in the town to the +effect that unrequited love led her to that terrible deed." + +Arátoff softly laid the newspaper on the table. To all appearances he +remained perfectly composed ... but something smote him simultaneously +in his breast and in his head, and then slowly diffused itself through +all his members. He rose to his feet, stood for a while on one spot, and +again seated himself, and again perused the letter. Then he rose once +more, lay down on his bed and placing his hands under his head, he +stared for a long time at the wall like one dazed. Little by little that +wall seemed to recede ... to vanish ... and he beheld before him the +boulevard beneath grey skies and _her_ in her black mantilla ... then +her again on the platform ... he even beheld himself by her side.--That +which had smitten him so forcibly in the breast at the first moment, now +began to rise up ... to rise up in his throat.... He tried to cough, to +call some one, but his voice failed him, and to his own amazement, tears +which he could not restrain gushed from his eyes.... What had evoked +those tears? Pity? Regret? Or was it simply that his nerves had been +unable to withstand the sudden shock? Surely, she was nothing to him? +Was not that the fact? + +"But perhaps that is not true," the thought suddenly occurred to him. "I +must find out! But from whom? From the Princess?--No, from Kupfer ... +from Kupfer? But they say he is not in Moscow.--Never mind! I must apply +to him first!" + +With these ideas in his head Arátoff hastily dressed himself, summoned a +cab and dashed off to Kupfer. + + + + +IX + + +He had not hoped to find him ... but he did. Kupfer actually had been +absent from Moscow for a time, but had returned about a week previously +and was even preparing to call on Arátoff again. He welcomed him with +his customary cordiality, and began to explain something to him ... but +Arátoff immediately interrupted him with the impatient question: + +"Hast thou read it?--Is it true?" + +"Is what true?" replied the astounded Kupfer. + +"About Clara Mílitch?" + +Kupfer's face expressed compassion.--"Yes, yes, brother, it is true; she +has poisoned herself. It is such a misfortune!" + +Arátoff held his peace for a space.--"But hast thou also read it in the +newspaper?" he asked:--"Or perhaps thou hast been to Kazán thyself?" + +"I have been to Kazán, in fact; the Princess and I conducted her +thither. She went on the stage there, and had great success. Only I did +not remain there until the catastrophe.... I was in Yaroslávl." + +"In Yaroslávl?" + +"Yes; I escorted the Princess thither.... She has settled in Yaroslávl +now." + +"But hast thou trustworthy information?" + +"The most trustworthy sort ... at first hand! I made acquaintance in +Kazán with her family.--But stay, my dear fellow ... this news seems to +agitate thee greatly.--But I remember that Clara did not please thee +that time! Thou wert wrong! She was a splendid girl--only her head! She +had an ungovernable head! I was greatly distressed about her!" + +Arátoff did not utter a word, but dropped down on a chair, and after +waiting a while he asked Kupfer to tell him ... he hesitated. + +"What?" asked Kupfer. + +"Why ... everything," replied Arátoff slowly.--"About her family, for +instance ... and so forth. Everything thou knowest!" + +"But does that interest thee?--Certainly!" + +Kupfer, from whose face it was impossible to discern that he had +grieved so greatly over Clara, began his tale. + +From his words Arátoff learned that Clara Mílitch's real name had been +Katerína Milovídoff; that her father, now dead, had been an official +teacher of drawing in Kazán, had painted bad portraits and official +images, and moreover had borne the reputation of being a drunkard and a +domestic tyrant ... "and a _cultured_ man into the bargain!".... (Here +Kupfer laughed in a self-satisfied manner, by way of hinting at the pun +he had made);[60]--that he had left at his death, in the first place, a +widow of the merchant class, a thoroughly stupid female, straight out of +one of Ostróvsky's comedies;[61] and in the second place, a daughter +much older than Clara and bearing no resemblance to her--a very clever +girl and "greatly developed, my dear fellow!" That the two--widow and +daughter--lived in easy circumstances, in a decent little house which +had been acquired by the sale of those wretched portraits and holy +pictures; that Clara ... or Kátya, whichever you choose to call her, had +astonished every one ever since her childhood by her talent, but was of +an insubordinate, capricious disposition, and was constantly quarrelling +with her father; that having an inborn passion for the theatre, she had +run away from the parental house at the age of sixteen with an +actress.... + +"With an actor?" interjected Arátoff. + +"No, not with an actor, but an actress; to whom she had become +attached.... This actress had a protector, it is true, a wealthy +gentleman already elderly, who only refrained from marrying her because +he was already married--while the actress, it appeared, was married +also." + +Further, Kupfer informed Arátoff that, prior to her arrival in Moscow, +Clara had acted and sung in provincial theatres; that on losing her +friend the actress (the gentleman had died also, it seems, or had made +it up with his wife--precisely which Kupfer did not quite remember ...), +she had made the acquaintance of the Princess, "that woman of gold, whom +thou, my friend Yákoff Andréitch," the narrator added with feeling, +"wert not able to appreciate at her true worth"; that finally Clara had +been offered an engagement in Kazán, and had accepted it, although she +had previously declared that she would never leave Moscow!--But how the +people of Kazán had loved her--it was fairly amazing! At every +representation she received bouquets and gifts! bouquets and gifts!--A +flour merchant, the greatest bigwig in the government, had even +presented her with a golden inkstand!--Kupfer narrated all this with +great animation, but without, however, displaying any special +sentimentality, and interrupting his speech with the question:--"Why +dost thou want to know that?" ... or "To what end is that?" when +Arátoff, after listening to him with devouring attention, demanded more +and still more details. Everything was said at last, and Kupfer ceased +speaking, rewarding himself for his toil with a cigar. + +"But why did she poison herself?" asked Arátoff. "The newspaper +stated...." + +Kupfer waved his hands.--"Well.... That I cannot say.... I don't know. +But the newspaper lies, Clara behaved in an exemplary manner ... she had +no love-affairs.... And how could she, with her pride! She was as proud +as Satan himself, and inaccessible! An insubordinate head! Firm as a +rock! If thou wilt believe me,--I knew her pretty intimately, seest +thou,--I never beheld a tear in her eyes!" + +"But I did," thought Arátoff to himself. + +"Only there is this to be said," went on Kupfer:--"I noticed a great +change in her of late: she became so depressed, she would remain silent +for hours at a time; you couldn't get a word out of her. I once asked +her: 'Has any one offended you, Katerína Semyónovna?' Because I knew her +disposition: she could not endure an insult. She held her peace, and +that was the end of it! Even her success on the stage did not cheer her +up; they would shower her with bouquets ... and she would not smile! She +gave one glance at the gold inkstand,--and put it aside!--She complained +that no one would write her a genuine part, as she conceived it. And she +gave up singing entirely. I am to blame, brother!... I repeated to her +that thou didst not think she had any _school_. But nevertheless ... why +she poisoned herself is incomprehensible! And the way she did it +too...." + +"In what part did she have the greatest success?".... Arátoff wanted to +find out what part she had played that last time, but for some reason or +other he asked something else. + +"In Ostróvsky's' Grúnya'[62] I believe. But I repeat to thee: she had no +love-affairs! Judge for thyself by one thing: she lived in her mother's +house.... Thou knowest what some of those merchants' houses are like; a +glass case filled with holy images in every corner and a shrine lamp in +front of the case; deadly, stifling heat; a sour odour; in the +drawing-room nothing but chairs ranged along the wall, and geraniums in +the windows;--and when a visitor arrives, the hostess begins to groan as +though an enemy were approaching. What chance is there for love-making, +and amours in such a place? Sometimes it happened that they would not +even admit me. Their maid-servant, a robust peasant-woman, in a Turkey +red cotton sarafan,[63] and pendulous breasts, would place herself +across the path in the anteroom and roar: 'Whither away?' No, I +positively cannot understand what made her poison herself. She must have +grown tired of life," Kupfer philosophically wound up his remarks. + +Arátoff sat with drooping head.--"Canst thou give me the address of +that house in Kazán?" he said at last. + +"I can; but what dost thou want of it?--Dost thou wish to send a letter +thither?" + +"Perhaps so." + +"Well, as thou wilt. Only the old woman will not answer thee. Her sister +might ... the clever sister!--But again, brother, I marvel at thee! Such +indifference formerly ... and now so much attention! All that comes of +living a solitary life, my dear fellow!" + +Arátoff made no reply to this remark and went away, after having +procured the address in Kazán. + +Agitation, surprise, expectation had been depicted on his face when he +went to Kupfer.... Now he advanced with an even gait, downcast eyes, and +hat pulled low down over his brows; almost every one he met followed him +with a searching gaze ... but he paid no heed to the passers-by ... it +was quite different from what it had been on the boulevard!... + +"Unhappy Clara! Foolish Clara!" resounded in his soul. + + + + +X + + +Nevertheless, Arátoff passed the following day in a fairly tranquil +manner. He was even able to devote himself to his customary occupations. +There was only one thing: both during his busy time and in his leisure +moments he thought incessantly of Clara, of what Kupfer had told him the +day before. Truth to tell, his thoughts were also of a decidedly pacific +nature. It seemed to him that that strange young girl interested him +from a psychological point of view, as something in the nature of a +puzzle, over whose solution it was worth while to cudgel one's +brains,--"She ran away from home with a kept actress," he thought, "she +placed herself under the protection of that Princess, in whose house she +lived,--and had no love-affairs? It is improbable!... Kupfer says it was +pride! But, in the first place, we know" (Arátoff should have said: "we +have read in books") ... "that pride is compatible with light-minded +conduct; and in the second place, did not she, such a proud person, +appoint a meeting with a man who might show her scorn ... and appoint it +in a public place, into the bargain ... on the boulevard!"--At this +point there recurred to Arátoff's mind the whole scene on the boulevard, +and he asked himself: "Had he really shown scorn for Clara?"--"No," he +decided.... That was another feeling ... a feeling of perplexity ... of +distrust, in short!--"Unhappy Clara!" again rang through his +brain.--"Yes, she was unhappy," he decided again ... that was the most +fitting word. + +"But if that is so, I was unjust. She spoke truly when she said that I +did not understand her. 'Tis a pity!--It may be that a very remarkable +being has passed so close to me ... and I did not take advantage of the +opportunity, but repulsed her.... Well, never mind! My life is still +before me. I shall probably have other encounters of a different sort! + +"But what prompted her to pick out _me_ in particular?"--He cast a +glance at a mirror which he was passing at the moment. "What is there +peculiar about me? And what sort of a beauty am I?--My face is like +everybody else's face.... However, she was not a beauty either. + +"She was not a beauty ... but what an expressive face she had! Impassive +... but expressive! I have never before seen such a face.--And she has +talent ... that is to say, she had talent, undoubted talent. Wild, +untrained, even coarse ... but undoubted.--And in that case also I was +unjust to her."--Arátoff mentally transported himself to the musical +morning ... and noticed that he remembered with remarkable distinctness +every word she had sung or recited, every intonation.... That would not +have been the case had she been devoid of talent. + +"And now all that is in the grave, where she has thrust herself.... But +I have nothing to do with that.... I am not to blame! It would even be +absurd to think that I am to blame."--Again it flashed into Arátoff's +mind that even had she had "anything of that sort" about her, his +conduct during the interview would indubitably have disenchanted her. +That was why she had broken into such harsh laughter at parting.--And +where was the proof that she had poisoned herself on account of an +unhappy love? It is only newspaper correspondents who attribute every +such death to unhappy love!--But life easily becomes repulsive to people +with character, like Clara ... and tiresome. Yes, tiresome. Kupfer was +right: living simply bored her. + +"In spite of her success, of her ovations?"--Arátoff meditated.--The +psychological analysis to which he surrendered himself was even +agreeable to him. Unaccustomed as he had been, up to this time, to all +contact with women, he did not suspect how significant for him was this +tense examination of a woman's soul. + +"Consequently," he pursued his meditations, "art did not satisfy her, +did not fill the void of her life. Genuine artists exist only for art, +for the theatre.... Everything else pales before that which they regard +as their vocation.... She was a dilettante!" + +Here Arátoff again became thoughtful.--No, the word "dilettante" did not +consort with that face, with the expression of that face, of those +eyes.... + +And again there rose up before him the image of Clara with her +tear-filled eyes riveted upon him, and her clenched hands raised to her +lips.... + +"Akh, I won't think of it, I won't think of it ..." he whispered.... +"What is the use?" + +In this manner the whole day passed. During dinner Arátoff chatted a +great deal with Platósha, questioned her about old times, which, by the +way, she recalled and transmitted badly, as she was not possessed of a +very glib tongue, and had noticed hardly anything in the course of her +life save her Yáshka. She merely rejoiced that he was so good-natured +and affectionate that day!--Toward evening Arátoff quieted down to such +a degree that he played several games of trumps with his aunt. + +Thus passed the day ... but the night was quite another matter! + + + + +XI + + +It began well; he promptly fell asleep, and when his aunt entered his +room on tiptoe for the purpose of making the sign of the cross over him +thrice as he slept--she did this every night--he was lying and breathing +as quietly as a child.--But before daybreak he had a vision. + +He dreamed that he was walking over the bare steppes, sown with stones, +beneath a low-hanging sky. Between the stones wound a path; he was +advancing along it. + +Suddenly there rose up in front of him something in the nature of a +delicate cloud. He looked intently at it; the little cloud turned into a +woman in a white gown, with a bright girdle about her waist. She was +hurrying away from him. He did not see either her face or her hair ... a +long piece of tissue concealed them. But he felt bound to overtake her +and look into her eyes. Only, no matter how much haste he made, she +still walked more quickly than he. + +On the path lay a broad, flat stone, resembling a tomb-stone. It barred +her way. The woman came to a halt. Arátoff ran up to her. She turned +toward him--but still he could not see her eyes ... they were closed. +Her face was white,--white as snow; her arms hung motionless. She +resembled a statue. + +Slowly, without bending a single limb, she leaned backward and sank down +on that stone.... And now Arátoff was lying beside her, outstretched +like a mortuary statue,--and his hands were folded like those of a +corpse. + +But at this point the woman suddenly rose to her feet and went away. +Arátoff tried to rise also ... but he could not stir, he could not +unclasp his hands, and could only gaze after her in despair. + +Then the woman suddenly turned round, and he beheld bright, vivacious +eyes in a living face, which was strange to him, however. She was +laughing, beckoning to him with her hand ... and still he was unable to +move. + +She laughed yet once again, and swiftly retreated, merrily nodding her +head, on which a garland of tiny roses gleamed crimson. + +Arátoff strove to shout, strove to break that frightful nightmare.... +Suddenly everything grew dark round about ... and the woman returned to +him. + +But she was no longer a statue whom he knew not ... she was Clara. She +halted in front of him, folded her arms, and gazed sternly and +attentively at him. Her lips were tightly compressed, but it seemed to +Arátoff that he heard the words: + +"If thou wishest to know who I am, go thither!" + +"Whither?" he asked. + +"Thither!"--the moaning answer made itself audible.--"Thither!" + +Arátoff awoke. + +He sat up in bed, lighted a candle which stood on his night-stand, but +did not rise, and sat there for a long time slowly gazing about him. It +seemed to him that something had taken place within him since he went to +bed; that something had taken root within him ... something had taken +possession of him. "But can that be possible?" he whispered +unconsciously. "Can it be that such a power exists?" + +He could not remain in bed. He softly dressed himself and paced his +chamber until daylight. And strange to say! He did not think about Clara +for a single minute,--and he did not think about her because he had made +up his mind to set off for Kazán that very day! + +He thought only of that journey, of how it was to be made, and what he +ought to take with him,--and how he would there ferret out and find out +everything,--and regain his composure. + +"If thou dost not go," he argued with himself, "thou wilt surely lose +thy reason!" He was afraid of that; he was afraid of his nerves. He was +convinced that as soon as he should see all that with his own eyes, all +obsessions would flee like a nocturnal nightmare.--"And the journey will +occupy not more than a week in all," he thought.... "What is a week? And +there is no other way of ridding myself of it." + +The rising sun illuminated his room; but the light of day did not +disperse the shades of night which weighed upon him, did not alter his +decision. + +Platósha came near having an apoplectic stroke when he communicated his +decision to her. She even squatted down on her heels ... her legs gave +way under her. "To Kazán? Why to Kazán?" she whispered, protruding her +eyes which were already blind enough without that. She would not have +been any more astounded had she learned that her Yásha was going to +marry the neighbouring baker's daughter, or depart to America.--"And +shalt thou stay long in Kazán?" + +"I shall return at the end of a week," replied Arátoff, as he stood +half-turned away from his aunt, who was still sitting on the floor. + +Platósha tried to remonstrate again, but Arátoff shouted at her in an +utterly unexpected and unusual manner: + +"I am not a baby," he yelled, turning pale all over, while his lips +quivered and his eyes flashed viciously.--"I am six-and-twenty years of +age. I know what I am about,--I am free to do as I please!--I will not +permit any one.... Give me money for the journey; prepare a trunk with +linen and clothing ... and do not bother me! I shall return at the end +of a week, Platósha," he added, in a softer tone. + +Platósha rose to her feet, grunting, and, making no further opposition, +wended her way to her chamber. Yásha had frightened her.--"I have not a +head on my shoulders," she remarked to the cook, who was helping her to +pack Yásha's things,--"not a head--but a bee-hive ... and what bees are +buzzing there I do not know! He is going away to Kazán, my mother, to +Ka-zá-án!" + +The cook, who had noticed their yard-porter talking for a long time to +the policeman about something, wanted to report this circumstance to her +mistress, but she did not dare, and merely thought to herself: "To +Kazán? If only it isn't some place further away!"--And Platonída +Ivánovna was so distracted that she did not even utter her customary +prayer.--In such a catastrophe as this even the Lord God could be of no +assistance! + +That same day Arátoff set off for Kazán. + + + + +XII + + +No sooner had he arrived in that town and engaged a room at the hotel, +than he dashed off in search of the widow Milovídoff's house. During the +whole course of his journey he had been in a sort of stupor, which, +nevertheless, did not in the least prevent his taking all proper +measures,--transferring himself at Nizhni Nóvgorod from the railway to +the steamer, eating at the stations, and so forth. As before, he was +convinced that everything would be cleared up _there_, and accordingly +he banished from his thoughts all memories and speculations, contenting +himself with one thing,--the mental preparation of the speech in which +he was to set forth to Clara Mílitch's family the real reason of his +trip.--And now, at last, he had attained to the goal of his yearning, +and ordered the servant to announce him. He was admitted--with surprise +and alarm--but he was admitted. + +The widow Milovídoff's house proved to be in fact just as Kupfer had +described it; and the widow herself really did resemble one of +Ostróvsky's women of the merchant class, although she was of official +rank; her husband had been a Collegiate Assessor.[64] Not without some +difficulty did Arátoff, after having preliminarily excused himself for +his boldness, and the strangeness of his visit, make the speech which he +had prepared, to the effect that he wished to collect all the necessary +information concerning the gifted actress who had perished at such an +early age; that he was actuated not by idle curiosity, but by a profound +sympathy for her talent, of which he was a worshipper (he said exactly +that--"a worshipper"); that, in conclusion, it would be a sin to leave +the public in ignorance of the loss it had sustained,--and why its hopes +had not been realized! + +Madame Milovídoff did not interrupt Arátoff; it is hardly probable that +she understood very clearly what this strange visitor was saying to her, +and she merely swelled a little with pride, and opened her eyes widely +at him on perceiving that he had a peaceable aspect, and was decently +clad, and was not some sort of swindler ... and was not asking for any +money. + +"Are you saying that about Kátya?" she asked, as soon as Arátoff ceased +speaking. + +"Exactly so ... about your daughter." + +"And you have come from Moscow for that purpose?" + +"Yes, from Moscow." + +"Merely for that?" + +"Merely for that." + +Madame Milovídoff suddenly took fright.--"Why, you--are an author? Do +you write in the newspapers?" + +"No, I am not an author,--and up to the present time, I have never +written for the newspapers." + +The widow bent her head. She was perplexed. + +"Consequently ... it is for your own pleasure?" she suddenly inquired. +Arátoff did not immediately hit upon the proper answer. + +"Out of sympathy, out of reverence for talent," he said at last. + +The word "reverence" pleased Madame Milovídoff. "Very well!" she +ejaculated with a sigh.... "Although I am her mother, and grieved very +greatly over her.... It was such a catastrophe, you know!... Still, I +must say, that she was always a crazy sort of girl, and ended up in the +same way! Such a disgrace.... Judge for yourself: what sort of a thing +is that for a mother? We may be thankful that they even buried her in +Christian fashion...." Madame Milovídoff crossed herself.--"From the +time she was a small child she submitted to no one,--she abandoned the +paternal roof ... and finally, it is enough to say that she became an +actress! Every one knows that I did not turn her out of the house; for I +loved her! For I am her mother, all the same! She did not have to live +with strangers,--and beg alms!..." Here the widow melted into +tears.--"But if you, sir," she began afresh, wiping her eyes with the +ends of her kerchief, "really have that intention, and if you will not +concoct anything dishonourable about us,--but if, on the contrary, you +wish to show us a favour,--then you had better talk with my other +daughter. She will tell you everything better than I can...." +"Ánnotchka!" called Madame Milovídoff:--"Ánnotchka, come hither! There's +some gentleman or other from Moscow who wants to talk about Kátya!" + +There was a crash in the adjoining room, but no one +appeared.--"Ánnotchka!" cried the widow again--"Anna Semyónovna! come +hither, I tell thee!" + +The door opened softly and on the threshold appeared a girl no longer +young, of sickly aspect, and homely, but with very gentle and sorrowful +eyes. Arátoff rose from his seat to greet her, and introduced himself, +at the same time mentioning his friend Kupfer.--"Ah! Feódor +Feódoritch!" ejaculated the girl softly, as she softly sank down on a +chair. + +"Come, now, talk with the gentleman," said Madame Milovídoff, rising +ponderously from her seat: "He has taken the trouble to come expressly +from Moscow,--he wishes to collect information about Kátya. But you must +excuse me, sir," she added, turning to Arátoff.... "I shall go away, to +attend to domestic affairs. You can have a good explanation with +Ánnotchka--she will tell you about the theatre ... and all that sort of +thing. She's my clever, well-educated girl: she speaks French and reads +books quite equal to her dead sister. And she educated her sister, I may +say.... She was the elder--well, and so she taught her." + +Madame Milovídoff withdrew. When Arátoff was left alone with Anna +Semyónovna he repeated his speech; but from the first glance he +understood that he had to deal with a girl who really was cultured, not +with a merchant's daughter,--and so he enlarged somewhat, and employed +different expressions;--and toward the end he became agitated, flushed, +and felt conscious that his heart was beating hard. Anna Semyónovna +listened to him in silence, with her hands folded; the sad smile did not +leave her face ... bitter woe which had not ceased to cause pain, was +expressed in that smile. + +"Did you know my sister?" she asked Arátoff. + +"No; properly speaking, I did not know her," he replied. "I saw and +heard your sister once ... but all that was needed was to hear and see +your sister once, in order to...." + +"Do you mean to write her biography?" Anna put another question. + +Arátoff had not expected that word; nevertheless, he immediately +answered "Why not?" But the chief point was that he wished to acquaint +the public.... + +Anna stopped him with a gesture of her hand. + +"To what end? The public caused her much grief without that; and Kátya +had only just begun to live. But if you yourself" (Anna looked at him +and again smiled that same sad smile, only now it was more cordial ... +apparently she was thinking: "Yes, thou dost inspire me with +confidence") ... "if you yourself cherish such sympathy for her, then +permit me to request that you come to us this evening ... after dinner. +I cannot now ... so suddenly.... I will collect my forces.... I will +make an effort.... Akh, I loved her too greatly!" + +Anna turned away; she was on the point of bursting into sobs. + +Arátoff rose alertly from his chair, thanked her for her proposal, said +that he would come without fail ... without fail! and went away, bearing +in his soul an impression of a quiet voice, of gentle and sorrowful +eyes--and burning with the languor of anticipation. + + + + +XIII + + +Arátoff returned to the Milovídoffs' house that same day, and conversed +for three whole hours with Anna Semyónovna. Madame Milovídoff went to +bed immediately after dinner--at two o'clock--and "rested" until evening +tea, at seven o'clock. Arátoff's conversation with Clara's sister was +not, properly speaking, a conversation: she did almost the whole of the +talking, at first with hesitation, with confusion, but afterward with +uncontrollable fervour. She had, evidently, idolised her sister. The +confidence wherewith Arátoff had inspired her waxed and strengthened; +she was no longer embarrassed; she even fell to weeping softly, twice, +in his presence. He seemed to her worthy of her frank revelations and +effusions. Nothing of that sort had ever before come into her own dull +life!... And he ... he drank in her every word. + +This, then, is what he learned ... much of it, as a matter of course, +from what she refrained from saying ... and much he filled out for +himself. + +In her youth Clara had been, without doubt, a disagreeable child; and as +a young girl she had been only a little softer: self-willed, +hot-tempered, vain, she had not got on particularly well with her +father, whom she despised for his drunkenness and incapacity. He was +conscious of this and did not pardon it in her. Her musical faculties +showed themselves at an early age; her father repressed them, +recognising painting as the sole art,--wherein he himself had had so +little success, but which had nourished him and his family. Clara had +loved her mother ... in a careless way, as she would have loved a nurse; +she worshipped her sister, although she squabbled with her, and bit +her.... It is true that afterward she had been wont to go down on her +knees before her and kiss the bitten places. She was all fire, all +passion, and all contradiction: vengeful and kind-hearted, magnanimous +and rancorous; "she believed in Fate, and did not believe in God" (these +words Anna whispered with terror); she loved everything that was +beautiful, and dressed herself at haphazard; she could not endure to +have young men pay court to her, but in books she read only those pages +where love was the theme; she did not care to please, she did not like +petting and never forgot caresses as she never forgot offences; she was +afraid of death, and she had killed herself! She had been wont to say +sometimes, "I do not meet the sort of man I want--and the others I will +not have!"--"Well, and what if you should meet the right sort?" Anna had +asked her.--"If I do ... I shall take him."--"But what if he will not +give himself?"--"Well, then ... I will make an end of myself. It will +mean that I am good for nothing." + +Clara's father ... (he sometimes asked his wife when he was drunk: "Who +was the father of that black-visaged little devil of thine?--I was +not!")--Clara's father, in the endeavour to get her off his hands as +promptly as possible, undertook to betroth her to a wealthy young +merchant, a very stupid fellow,--one of the "cultured" sort. Two weeks +before the wedding (she was only sixteen years of age), she walked up to +her betrothed, folded her arms, and drumming with her fingers on her +elbows (her favourite pose), she suddenly dealt him a blow, bang! on his +rosy cheek with her big, strong hand! He sprang to his feet, and merely +gasped,--it must be stated that he was dead in love with her.... He +asked: "What is that for?" She laughed and left the room.--"I was +present in the room," narrated Anna, "and was a witness. I ran after her +and said to her: 'Good gracious, Kátya, why didst thou do that?'--But +she answered me: 'If he were a real man he would have thrashed me, but +as it is, he is a wet hen!' And he asks what it is for, to boot. If he +loved me and did not avenge himself, then let him bear it and not ask: +'what is that for?' He'll never get anything of me, unto ages of ages!' +And so she did not marry him. Soon afterward she made the acquaintance +of that actress, and left our house. My mother wept, but my father only +said: 'Away with the refractory goat from the flock!' and would take no +trouble, or try to hunt her up. Father did not understand Clara. On the +eve of her flight," added Anna, "she almost strangled me in her embrace, +and kept repeating: 'I cannot! I cannot do otherwise!... My heart may +break in two, but I cannot! our cage is too small ... it is not large +enough for my wings! And one cannot escape his fate'".... + +"After that," remarked Anna, "we rarely saw each other.... When father +died she came to us for a couple of days, took nothing from the +inheritance, and again disappeared. She found it oppressive with us.... +I saw that. Then she returned to Kazán as an actress." + +Arátoff began to interrogate Anna concerning the theatre, the parts in +which Clara had appeared, her success.... Anna answered in detail, but +with the same sad, although animated enthusiasm. She even showed Arátoff +a photographic portrait, which represented Clara in the costume of one +of her parts. In the portrait she was looking to one side, as though +turning away from the spectators; the ribbon intertwined with her thick +hair fell like a serpent on her bare arm. Arátoff gazed long at that +portrait, thought it a good likeness, inquired whether Clara had not +taken part in public readings, and learned that she had not; that she +required the excitement of the theatre, of the stage ... but another +question was burning on his lips. + +"Anna Semyónovna!" he exclaimed at last, not loudly, but with peculiar +force, "tell me, I entreat you, why she ... why she made up her mind to +that frightful step?" + +Anna dropped her eyes.--"I do not know!" she said, after the lapse of +several minutes.--"God is my witness, I do not know!" she continued +impetuously, perceiving that Arátoff had flung his hands apart as though +he did not believe her.... "From the very time she arrived here she +seemed to be thoughtful, gloomy. Something must infallibly have happened +to her in Moscow, which I was not able to divine! But, on the contrary, +on that fatal day, she seemed ... if not more cheerful, at any rate more +tranquil than usual. I did not even have any forebodings," added Anna +with a bitter smile, as though reproaching herself for that. + +"You see," she began again, "it seemed to have been written in Kátya's +fate, that she should be unhappy. She was convinced of it herself from +her early youth. She would prop her head on her hand, meditate, and say: +'I shall not live long!' She had forebodings. Just imagine, she even saw +beforehand,--sometimes in a dream, sometimes in ordinary wise,--what was +going to happen to her! 'I cannot live as I wish, so I will not live at +all,' ... was her adage.--'Our life is in our own hands, you know!' And +she proved it." + +Anna covered her face with her hands and ceased speaking. + +"Anna Semyónovna," began Arátoff, after waiting a little: "perhaps you +have heard to what the newspapers attributed...." + +"To unhappy love?" interrupted Anna, removing her hands from her face +with a jerk. "That is a calumny, a calumny, a lie!... My unsullied, +unapproachable Kátya ... Kátya! ... and an unhappy, rejected love? And +would not I have known about that?... Everybody, everybody fell in love +with her ... but she.... And whom could she have fallen in love with +here? Who, out of all these men, was worthy of her? Who had attained to +that ideal of honour, uprightness, purity,--most of all, purity,--which +she constantly held before her, in spite of all her defects?... Reject +her ... her...." + +Anna's voice broke.... Her fingers trembled slightly. Suddenly she +flushed scarlet all over ... flushed with indignation, and at that +moment--and only at that moment--did she resemble her sister. + +Arátoff attempted to apologise. + +"Listen," broke in Anna once more:--"I insist upon it that you shall not +believe that calumny yourself, and that you shall dissipate it, if +possible! Here, you wish to write an article about her, or something of +that sort:--here is an opportunity for you to defend her memory! That is +why I am talking so frankly with you. Listen: Kátya left a diary...." + +Arátoff started.--"A diary," he whispered. + +"Yes, a diary ... that is to say, a few pages only.--Kátya was not fond +of writing ... for whole months together she did not write at all ... +and her letters were so short! But she was always, always truthful, she +never lied.... Lie, forsooth, with her vanity! I ... I will show you +that diary! You shall see for yourself whether it contains a single hint +of any such unhappy love!" + +Anna hastily drew from the table-drawer a thin copy-book, about ten +pages in length, no more, and offered it to Arátoff. The latter grasped +it eagerly, recognised the irregular, bold handwriting,--the handwriting +of that anonymous letter,--opened it at random, and began at the +following lines: + + "Moscow--Tuesday ... June. I sang and recited at a literary + morning. To-day is a significant day for me. _It must decide my + fate_." (These words were doubly underlined.) "Once more I have + seen...." Here followed several lines which had been carefully + blotted out.--And then: "No! no! no!... I must return to my former + idea, if only...." + +Arátoff dropped the hand in which he held the book, and his head sank +quietly on his breast. + +"Read!" cried Anna.--"Why don't you read? Read from the beginning.... +You can read the whole of it in five minutes, though this diary extends +over two whole years. In Kazán she wrote nothing...." + +Arátoff slowly rose from his chair, and fairly crashed down on his knees +before Anna! + +She was simply petrified with amazement and terror. + +"Give ... give me this diary," said Arátoff in a fainting voice.--"Give +it to me ... and the photograph ... you must certainly have another--but +I will return the diary to you.... But I must, I must...." + +In his entreaty, in the distorted features of his face there was +something so despairing that it even resembled wrath, suffering.... And +in reality he was suffering. It seemed as though he had not been able to +foresee that such a calamity would descend upon him, and was excitedly +begging to be spared, to be saved.... + +"Give it to me," he repeated. + +"But ... you ... you were not in love with my sister?" said Anna at +last. + +Arátoff continued to kneel. + +"I saw her twice in all ... believe me!... and if I had not been +impelled by causes which I myself cannot clearly either understand or +explain ... if some power that is stronger than I were not upon me.... I +would not have asked you.... I would not have come hither.... I must ... +I ought ... why, you said yourself that I was bound to restore her +image!" + +"And you were not in love with my sister?" asked Anna for the second +time. + +Arátoff did not reply at once, and turned away slightly, as though with +pain. + +"Well, yes! I was! I was!--And I am in love with her now...." he +exclaimed with the same desperation as before. + +Footsteps became audible in the adjoining room. + +"Rise ... rise ..." said Anna hastily. "My mother is coming." + +Arátoff rose. + +"And take the diary and the picture. God be with you!--Poor, poor +Kátya!... But you must return the diary to me," she added with +animation.--"And if you write anything, you must be sure to send it to +me.... Do you hear?" + +The appearance of Madame Milovídoff released Arátoff from the necessity +of replying.--He succeeded, nevertheless, in whispering:--"You are an +angel! Thanks! I will send all that I write...." + +Madame Milovídoff was too drowsy to divine anything. And so Arátoff left +Kazán with the photographic portrait in the side-pocket of his coat. He +had returned the copy-book to Anna, but without her having detected it, +he had cut out the page on which stood the underlined words. + +On his way back to Moscow he was again seized with a sort of stupor. +Although he secretly rejoiced that he had got what he went for, yet he +repelled all thoughts of Clara until he should reach home again. He +meditated a great deal more about her sister Anna.--"Here now," he said +to himself, "is a wonderful, sympathetic being! What a delicate +comprehension of everything, what a loving heart, what absence of +egoism! And how comes it that such girls bloom with us, and in the +provinces,--and in such surroundings into the bargain! She is both +sickly, and ill-favoured, and not young,--but what a capital wife she +would make for an honest, well-educated man! That is the person with +whom one ought to fall in love!..." Arátoff meditated thus ... but on +his arrival in Moscow the matter took quite another turn. + + + + +XIV + + +Platonída Ivánova was unspeakably delighted at the return of her nephew. +She had thought all sorts of things during his absence!--"At the very +least he has gone to Siberia!" she whispered, as she sat motionless in +her little chamber: "for a year at the very least!"--Moreover the cook +had frightened her by imparting the most authentic news concerning the +disappearance of first one, then another young man from the +neighbourhood. Yásha's complete innocence and trustworthiness did not in +the least serve to calm the old woman.--"Because ... much that +signifies!--he busies himself with photography ... well, and that is +enough! Seize him!" And now here was her Yáshenka come back to her safe +and sound! She did notice, it is true, that he appeared to have grown +thin, and his face seemed to be sunken--that was comprehensible ... he +had had no one to look after him. But she did not dare to question him +concerning his trip. At dinner she inquired: + +"And is Kazán a nice town?" + +"Yes," replied Arátoff. + +"Tatárs live there, I believe?" + +"Not Tatárs only." + +"And hast not thou brought a khalát[65] thence?" + +"No, I have not." + +And there the conversation ended. + +But as soon as Arátoff found himself alone in his study he immediately +felt as though something were embracing him round about, as though he +were again in _the power_,--precisely that, in the power of another +life, of another being. Although he had told Anna--in that outburst of +sudden frenzy--that he was in love with Clara, that word now seemed to +him devoid of sense and whimsical.--No, he was not in love; and how +could he fall in love with a dead woman, whom, even during her lifetime +he had not liked, whom he had almost forgotten?--No! But he was in the +power of ... in _her_ power ... he no longer belonged to himself. He had +been _taken possession of_. Taken possession of to such a point that he +was no longer trying to free himself either by ridiculing his own +stupidity, or by arousing in himself if not confidence, at least hope +that all this would pass over, that it was nothing but nerves,--or by +seeking proofs of it,--or in any other way!--"If I meet him I shall take +him" he recalled Clara's words reported by Anna ... and so now he had +been taken. + +But was not she dead? Yes; her body was dead ... but how about her +soul?--Was not that immortal ... did it require bodily organs to +manifest its power? Magnetism has demonstrated to us the influence of +the living human soul upon another living human soul.... Why should not +that influence be continued after death, if the soul remains alive?--But +with what object? What might be the result of this?--But do we, in +general, realise the object of everything which goes on around us? + +These reflections occupied Arátoff to such a degree that at tea he +suddenly asked Platósha whether she believed in the immortality of the +soul. She did not understand at first what it was he had asked; but +afterward she crossed herself and replied, "of course. How could the +soul be otherwise than immortal?" + +"But if that is so, can it act after death?" Arátoff put a second +question. + +The old woman replied that it could ... that is to say, it can pray for +us; when it shall have passed through all sorts of tribulations, and is +awaiting the Last Judgment. But during the first forty days it only +hovers around the spot where its death occurred. + +"During the first forty days?" + +"Yes; and after that come its tribulations."[66] + +Arátoff was surprised at his aunt's erudition, and went off to his own +room.--And again he felt the same thing, that same power upon him. The +power was manifested thus--that the image of Clara incessantly presented +itself to him, in its most minute details,--details which he did not +seem to have observed during her lifetime; he saw ... he saw her +fingers, her nails, the bands of hair on her cheeks below her temples, a +small mole under the left eye; he saw the movement of her lips, her +nostrils, her eyebrows ... and what sort of a gait she had, and how she +held her head a little on the right side ... he saw everything!--He did +not admire all this at all; he simply could not help thinking about it +and seeing it.--Yet he did not dream about her during the first night +after his return ... he was very weary and slept like one slain. On the +other hand, no sooner did he awake than she again entered his room, and +there she remained, as though she had been its owner; just as though she +had purchased for herself that right by her voluntary death, without +asking him or requiring his permission. + +He took her photograph; he began to reproduce it, to enlarge it. Then it +occurred to him to arrange it for the stereoscope. It cost him a great +deal of trouble, but at last he succeeded. He fairly started when he +beheld through the glass her figure which had acquired the semblance of +bodily substance. But that figure was grey, as though covered with +dust ... and moreover, the eyes ... the eyes still gazed aside, as +though they were averting themselves. He began to gaze at them for a +long, long time, as though expecting that they might, at any moment, +turn themselves in his direction ... he even puckered up his eyes +deliberately ... but the eyes remained motionless, and the whole figure +assumed the aspect of a doll. He went away, threw himself into an +arm-chair, got out the leaf which he had torn from her diary, with the +underlined words, and thought: "They say that people in love kiss the +lines which have been written by a beloved hand; but I have no desire to +do that--and the chirography appears to me ugly into the bargain. But in +that line lies my condemnation."--At this point there flashed into his +mind the promise he had made to Anna about the article. He seated +himself at his table, and set about writing it; but everything he wrote +turned out so rhetorical ... worst of all, so artificial ... just as +though he did not believe in what he was writing, or in his own feelings +... and Clara herself seemed to him unrecognisable, incomprehensible! +She would not yield herself to him. + +"No," he thought, throwing aside his pen, "either I have no talent for +writing in general, or I must wait a while yet!" + +He began to call to mind his visit to the Milovídoffs, and all the +narration of Anna, of that kind, splendid Anna.... The word she had +uttered: "unsullied!" suddenly struck him. It was exactly as though +something had scorched and illuminated him. + +"Yes," he said aloud, "she was unsullied and I am unsullied.... That is +what has given her this power!" + +Thoughts concerning the immortality of the soul, the life beyond the +grave, again visited him. "Is it not said in the Bible: 'O death, where +is thy sting?' And in Schiller: 'And the dead also shall live!' (_Auch +die Todten sollen leben!_)--Or here again, in Mickiewicz, 'I shall love +until life ends ... and after life ends!'--While one English writer has +said: 'Love is stronger than death!'"--The biblical sentence acted with +peculiar force on Arátoff. He wanted to look up the place where those +words were to be found.... He had no Bible; he went to borrow one from +Platósha. She was astonished; but she got out an old, old book in a +warped leather binding with brass clasps, all spotted with wax, and +handed it to Arátoff. He carried it off to his own room, but for a long +time could not find that verse ... but on the other hand, he hit upon +another: + + "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life + for his friends".... (the Gospel of John, Chap. XV, verse 13). + +He thought: "That is not properly expressed.--It should read: 'Greater +_power_ hath no man!'".... + +"But what if she did not set her soul on me at all? What if she killed +herself merely because life had become a burden to her?--What if she, in +conclusion, did not come to that tryst with the object of obtaining +declarations of love at all?" + +But at that moment Clara before her parting on the boulevard rose up +before him.... He recalled that sorrowful expression on her face, and +those tears, and those words:--"Akh, you have understood nothing!" + +No! He could not doubt for what object and for what person she had laid +down her life.... + +Thus passed that day until nightfall. + + + + +XV + + +Arátoff went early to bed, without feeling particularly sleepy; but he +hoped to find rest in bed. The strained condition of his nerves caused +him a fatigue which was far more intolerable than the physical weariness +of the journey and the road. But great as was his fatigue, he could not +get to sleep. He tried to read ... but the lines got entangled before +his eyes. He extinguished his candle, and darkness took possession of +his chamber.--But he continued to lie there sleepless, with closed +eyes.... And now it seemed to him that some one was whispering in his +ear.... "It is the beating of my heart, the rippling of the blood," he +thought.... But the whisper passed into coherent speech. Some one was +talking Russian hurriedly, plaintively, and incomprehensibly. It was +impossible to distinguish a single separate word.... But it was Clara's +voice! + +Arátoff opened his eyes, rose up in bed, propped himself on his +elbows.... The voice grew fainter, but continued its plaintive, hurried, +unintelligible speech as before.... + +It was indubitably Clara's voice! + +Some one's fingers ran over the keys of the piano in light arpeggios.... +Then the voice began to speak again. More prolonged sounds made +themselves audible ... like moans ... always the same. And then words +began to detach themselves.... + +"Roses ... roses ... roses.".... + +"Roses," repeated Arátoff in a whisper.-- + +"Akh, yes! The roses which I saw on the head of that woman in my +dream...." + +"Roses," was audible again. + +"Is it thou?" asked Arátoff, whispering as before. + +The voice suddenly ceased. + +Arátoff waited ... waited--and dropped his head on his pillow. "A +hallucination of hearing," he thought. "Well, and what if ... what if +she really is here, close to me?... What if I were to see her, would I +be frightened? But why should I be frightened? Why should I rejoice? +Possibly because it would be a proof that there is another world, that +the soul is immortal.--But, however, even if I were to see anything, +that also might be a hallucination of the sight".... + +Nevertheless he lighted his candle, and shot a glance over the whole +room not without some trepidation ... and descried nothing unusual in +it. He rose, approached the stereoscope ... and there again was the same +grey doll, with eyes which gazed to one side. The feeling of alarm in +Arátoff was replaced by one of vexation. He had been, as it were, +deceived in his expectations ... and those same expectations appeared to +him absurd.--"Well, this is downright stupid!" he muttered as he got +back into bed, and blew out his light. Again profound darkness reigned +in the room. + +Arátoff made up his mind to go to sleep this time.... But a new +sensation had cropped up within him. It seemed to him as though some one +were standing in the middle of the room, not far from him, and breathing +in a barely perceptible manner. He hastily turned round, opened his +eyes.... But what could be seen in that impenetrable darkness?--He began +to fumble for a match on his night-stand ... and suddenly it seemed to +him as though some soft, noiseless whirlwind dashed across the whole +room, above him, through him--and the words: "'Tis I!" rang plainly in +his ears. "'Tis I! 'Tis I!..." + +Several moments passed before he succeeded in lighting a match. + +Again there was no one in the room, and he no longer heard anything +except the violent beating of his own heart. He drank a glass of water, +and remained motionless, with his head resting on his hand. + +He said to himself: "I will wait. Either this is all nonsense ... or she +is here. She will not play with me like a cat with a mouse!" He waited, +waited a long time ... so long that the hand on which he was propping +his head became numb ... but not a single one of his previous sensations +was repeated. A couple of times his eyes closed.... He immediately +opened them ... at least, it seemed to him that he opened them. +Gradually they became riveted on the door and so remained. The candle +burned out and the room became dark once more ... but the door gleamed +like a long, white spot in the midst of the gloom. And lo! that spot +began to move, it contracted, vanished ... and in its place, on the +threshold, a female form made its appearance. Arátoff looked at it +intently ... it was Clara! And this time she was gazing straight at him, +she moved toward him.... On her head was a wreath of red roses.... It +kept undulating, rising.... + +Before him stood his aunt in her nightcap, with a broad red ribbon, and +in a white wrapper. + +"Platósha!" he enunciated with difficulty.--"Is it you?" + +"It is I," replied Platonída Ivánovna.... "It is I, Yashyónotchek, it is +I." + +"Why have you come?" + +"Why, thou didst wake me. At first thou seemedst to be moaning all the +while ... and then suddenly thou didst begin to shout: 'Save me! Help +me!'" + +"I shouted?" + +"Yes, thou didst shout, and so hoarsely: 'Save me!'--I thought: 'O Lord! +Can he be ill?' So I entered. Art thou well?" + +"Perfectly well." + +"Come, that means that thou hast had a bad dream. I will fumigate with +incense if thou wishest--shall I?" + +Again Arátoff gazed intently at his aunt, and burst into a loud +laugh.... The figure of the kind old woman in nightcap and wrapper, with +her frightened, long-drawn face, really was extremely comical. All that +mysterious something which had surrounded him, had stifled him, all +those delusions dispersed on the instant. + +"No, Platósha, my dear, it is not necessary," he said.--"Forgive me for +having involuntarily alarmed you. May your rest be tranquil--and I will +go to sleep also." + +Platonída Ivánovna stood a little while longer on the spot where she +was, pointed at the candle, grumbled: "Why dost thou not extinguish +it? ... there will be a catastrophe before long!"--and as she retired, +could not refrain from making the sign of the cross over him from afar. + +Arátoff fell asleep immediately, and slept until morning. He rose in a +fine frame of mind ... although he regretted something.... He felt +light and free. "What romantic fancies one does devise," he said to +himself with a smile. He did not once glance either at the stereoscope +or the leaf which he had torn out. But immediately after breakfast he +set off to see Kupfer. + +What drew him thither ... he dimly recognised. + + + + +XVI + + +Arátoff found his sanguine friend at home. He chatted a little with him, +reproached him for having quite forgotten him and his aunt, listened to +fresh laudations of the golden woman, the Princess, from whom Kupfer had +just received,--from Yaroslávl,--a skull-cap embroidered with +fish-scales ... and then suddenly sitting down in front of Kupfer, and +looking him straight in the eye, he announced that he had been to Kazán. + +"Thou hast been to Kazán? Why so?" + +"Why, because I wished to collect information about that ... Clara +Mílitch." + +"The girl who poisoned herself?" + +"Yes." + +Kupfer shook his head.--"What a fellow thou art! And such a sly one! +Thou hast travelled a thousand versts there and back ... and all for +what? Hey? If there had only been some feminine interest there! Then I +could understand everything! every sort of folly!"--Kupfer ruffled up +his hair.--"But for the sake of collecting materials, as you learned men +put it.... No, I thank you! That's what the committee of statistics +exists for!--Well, and what about it--didst thou make acquaintance with +the old woman and with her sister? She's a splendid girl, isn't she?" + +"Splendid," assented Arátoff.--"She communicated to me many curious +things." + +"Did she tell thee precisely how Clara poisoned herself?" + +"Thou meanest ... what dost thou mean?" + +"Why, in what manner?" + +"No.... She was still in such affliction.... I did not dare to question +her too much. But was there anything peculiar about it?" + +"Of course there was. Just imagine: she was to have acted that very +day--and she did act. She took a phial of poison with her to the +theatre, drank it before the first act, and in that condition played +through the whole of that act. With the poison inside her! What dost +thou think of that strength of will? What character, wasn't it? And they +say that she never sustained her role with so much feeling, with so much +warmth! The audience suspected nothing, applauded, recalled her.... But +as soon as the curtain fell she dropped down where she stood on the +stage. She began to writhe ... and writhe ... and at the end of an hour +her spirit fled! But is it possible I did not tell thee that? It was +mentioned in the newspapers also." + +Arátoff's hands suddenly turned cold and his chest began to heave. "No, +thou didst not tell me that," he said at last.--"And dost thou not know +what the piece was?" + +Kupfer meditated.--"I was told the name of the piece ... a young girl +who has been betrayed appears in it.... It must be some drama or other. +Clara was born for dramatic parts. Her very appearance.... But where art +thou going?" Kupfer interrupted himself, perceiving that Arátoff was +picking up his cap. + +"I do not feel quite well," replied Arátoff. "Good-bye.... I will drop +in some other time." + +Kupfer held him back and looked him in the face.--"What a nervous fellow +thou art, brother! Just look at thyself.... Thou hast turned as white as +clay." + +"I do not feel well," repeated Arátoff, freeing himself from Kupfer's +hands and going his way. Only at that moment did it become clear to him +that he had gone to Kupfer with the sole object of talking about +Clara.... + +"About foolish, about unhappy Clara".... + +But on reaching home he speedily recovered his composure to a certain +extent. + +The circumstances which had attended Clara's death at first exerted a +shattering impression upon him ... but later on that acting "with the +poison inside her," as Kupfer had expressed it, seemed to him a +monstrous phrase, a piece of bravado, and he tried not to think of it, +fearing to arouse within himself a feeling akin to aversion. But at +dinner, as he sat opposite Platósha, he suddenly remembered her +nocturnal apparition, recalled that bob-tailed wrapper, that cap with +the tall ribbon (and why should there be a ribbon on a night-cap?), the +whole of that ridiculous figure, at which all his visions had dispersed +into dust, as though at the whistle of the machinist in a fantastic +ballet! He even made Platósha repeat the tale of how she had heard him +shout, had taken fright, had leaped out of bed, had not been able at +once to find either her own door or his, and so forth. In the evening he +played cards with her and went off to his own room in a somewhat sad but +fairly tranquil state of mind. + +Arátoff did not think about the coming night, and did not fear it; he +was convinced that he should pass it in the best possible manner. The +thought of Clara awoke in him from time to time; but he immediately +remembered that she had killed herself in a "spectacular" manner, and +turned away. That "outrageous" act prevented other memories from rising +in him. Giving a cursory glance at the stereoscope it seemed to him that +she was looking to one side because she felt ashamed. Directly over the +stereoscope on the wall, hung the portrait of his mother. Arátoff +removed it from its nail, kissed it, and carefully put it away in a +drawer. Why did he do this? Because that portrait must not remain in the +vicinity of that woman ... or for some other reason--Arátoff did not +quite know. But his mother's portrait evoked in him memories of his +father ... of that father whom he had seen dying in that same room, on +that very bed. "What dost thou think about all this, father?" he +mentally addressed him. "Thou didst understand all this; thou didst also +believe in Schiller's world of spirits.--Give me counsel!" + +"My father has given me counsel to drop all these follies," said Arátoff +aloud, and took up a book. But he was not able to read long, and feeling +a certain heaviness all through his body, he went to bed earlier than +usual, in the firm conviction that he should fall asleep immediately. + +And so it came about ... but his hopes for a peaceful night were not +realised. + + + + +XVII + + +Before the clock struck midnight he had a remarkable, a menacing dream. + +It seemed to him that he was in a sumptuous country-house of which he +was the owner. He had recently purchased the house, and all the estates +attached to it. And he kept thinking: "It is well, now it is well, but +disaster is coming!" Beside him was hovering a tiny little man, his +manager; this man kept making obeisances, and trying to demonstrate to +Arátoff how admirably everything about his house and estate was +arranged.--"Please, please look," he kept reiterating, grinning at every +word, "how everything is flourishing about you! Here are horses ... what +magnificent horses!" And Arátoff saw a row of huge horses. They were +standing with their backs to him, in stalls; they had wonderful manes +and tails ... but as soon as Arátoff walked past them the horses turned +their heads toward him and viciously displayed their teeth. + +"It is well," thought Arátoff, "but disaster is coming!" + +"Please, please," repeated his manager again; "please come into the +garden; see what splendid apples we have!" + +The apples really were splendid, red, and round; but as soon as Arátoff +looked at them, they began to shrivel and fall.... "Disaster is coming!" +he thought. + +"And here is the lake," murmurs the manager: "how blue and smooth it is! +And here is a little golden boat!... Would you like to have a sail in +it?... It moves of itself." + +"I will not get into it!" thought Arátoff; "a disaster is coming!" and +nevertheless he did seat himself in the boat. On the bottom, writhing, +lay a little creature resembling an ape; in its paws it was holding a +phial filled with a dark liquid. + +"Pray do not feel alarmed," shouted the manager from the shore.... "That +is nothing! That is death! A prosperous journey!" + +The boat darted swiftly onward ... but suddenly a hurricane arose, not +like the one of the day before, soft and noiseless--no; it is a black, +terrible, howling hurricane!--Everything is in confusion round +about;--and amid the swirling gloom Arátoff beholds Clara in theatrical +costume: she is raising the phial to her lips, a distant "Bravo! bravo!" +is audible, and a coarse voice shouts in Arátoff's ear: + +"Ah! And didst thou think that all this would end in a comedy?--No! it +is a tragedy! a tragedy!" + +Arátoff awoke all in a tremble. It was not dark in the room.... A faint +and melancholy light streamed from somewhere or other, impassively +illuminating all objects. Arátoff did not try to account to himself for +the light.... He felt but one thing: Clara was there in that room ... he +felt her presence ... he was again and forever in her power! + +A shriek burst from his lips: "Clara, art thou here?" + +"Yes!" rang out clearly in the middle of the room illuminated with the +motionless light. + +Arátoff doubly repeated his question.... + +"Yes!" was audible once more. + +"Then I want to see thee!" he cried, springing out of bed. + +For several moments he stood in one spot, treading the cold floor with +his bare feet. His eyes roved: "But where? Where?" whispered his +lips.... + +Nothing was to be seen or heard. + +He looked about him, and noticed that the faint light which filled the +room proceeded from a night-light, screened by a sheet of paper, and +placed in one corner, probably by Platósha while he was asleep. He even +detected the odour of incense also, in all probability, the work of her +hands. + +He hastily dressed himself. Remaining in bed, sleeping, was not to be +thought of.--Then he took up his stand in the centre of the room and +folded his arms. The consciousness of Clara's presence was stronger than +ever within him. + +And now he began to speak, in a voice which was not loud, but with the +solemn deliberation wherewith exorcisms are uttered: + +"Clara,"--thus did he begin,--"if thou art really here, if thou seest +me, if thou hearest me, reveal thyself!... If that power which I feel +upon me is really thy power,--reveal thyself! If thou understandest how +bitterly I repent of not having understood thee, of having repulsed +thee,--reveal thyself!--If that which I have heard is really thy voice; +if the feeling which has taken possession of me is love; if thou art now +convinced that I love thee,--I who up to this time have not loved, and +have not known a single woman;--if thou knowest that after thy death I +fell passionately, irresistibly in love with thee, if thou dost not wish +me to go mad--reveal thyself!" + +No sooner had Arátoff uttered this last word than he suddenly felt some +one swiftly approach him from behind, as on that occasion upon the +boulevard--and lay a hand upon his shoulder. He wheeled round--and saw +no one. But the consciousness of _her_ presence became so distinct, so +indubitable, that he cast another hasty glance behind him.... + +What was that?! In his arm-chair, a couple of paces from him, sat a +woman all in black. Her head was bent to one side, as in the +stereoscope.... It was she! It was Clara! But what a stern, what a +mournful face! + +Arátoff sank down gently upon his knees.--Yes, he was right, then; +neither fear, nor joy was in him, nor even surprise.... His heart even +began to beat more quietly;--The only thing in him was the feeling: "Ah! +At last! At last!" + +"Clara," he began in a faint but even tone, "why dost thou not look at +me? I know it is thou ... but I might, seest thou, think that my +imagination had created an image like _that one_...." (He pointed in the +direction of the stereoscope).... "Prove to me that it is thou.... Turn +toward me, look at me, Clara!" + +Clara's hand rose slowly ... and fell again. + +"Clara! Clara! Turn toward me!" + +And Clara's head turned slowly, her drooping lids opened, and the dark +pupils of her eyes were fixed on Arátoff. + +He started back, and uttered a tremulous, long-drawn: "Ah!" + +Clara gazed intently at him ... but her eyes, her features preserved +their original thoughtfully-stern, almost displeased expression. With +precisely that expression she had presented herself on the platform upon +the day of the literary morning, before she had caught sight of Arátoff. +And now, as on that occasion also, she suddenly flushed scarlet, her +face grew animated, her glance flashed, and a joyful, triumphant smile +parted her lips.... + +"I am forgiven!"--cried Arátoff.--"Thou hast conquered.... So take me! +For I am thine, and thou art mine!" + +He darted toward her, he tried to kiss those smiling, those triumphant +lips,--and he did kiss them, he felt their burning touch, he felt even +the moist chill of her teeth, and a rapturous cry rang through the +half-dark room. + +Platonída Ivánovna ran in and found him in a swoon. He was on his knees; +his head was lying on the arm-chair; his arms, outstretched before him, +hung powerless; his pale face breathed forth the intoxication of +boundless happiness. + +Platonída Ivánovna threw herself beside him, embraced him, stammered: +"Yásha! Yáshenka! Yashenyónotchek!!"[67] tried to lift him up with her +bony arms ... he did not stir. Then Platonída Ivánovna set to screaming +in an unrecognisable voice. The maid-servant ran in. Together they +managed somehow to lift him up, seated him in a chair, and began to dash +water on him--and water in which a holy image had been washed at +that.... + +He came to himself; but merely smiled in reply to his aunt's queries, +and with such a blissful aspect that she became more perturbed than +ever, and kept crossing first him and then herself.... At last Arátoff +pushed away her hand, and still with the same beatific expression on his +countenance, he said:-- + +"What is the matter with you, Platósha?" + +"What ails thee, Yáshenka?" + +"Me?--I am happy ... happy, Platósha ... that is what ails me. But now I +want to go to bed and sleep." + +He tried to rise, but felt such a weakness in his legs and in all his +body that he was not in a condition to undress and get into bed himself +without the aid of his aunt and of the maid-servant. But he fell asleep +very quickly, preserving on his face that same blissfully-rapturous +expression. Only his face was extremely pale. + + + + +XVIII + + +When Platonída Ivánovna entered his room on the following morning he was +in the same condition ... but his weakness had not passed off, and he +even preferred to remain in bed. Platonída Ivánovna did not like the +pallor of his face in particular. + +"What does it mean, O Lord!" she thought. "There isn't a drop of blood +in his face, he refuses his beef-tea; he lies there and laughs, and +keeps asserting that he is quite well!" + +He refused breakfast also.--"Why dost thou do that, Yásha?" she asked +him; "dost thou intend to lie like this all day?" + +"And what if I do?" replied Arátoff, affectionately. + +This very affection also did not please Platonída Ivánovna. Arátoff +wore the aspect of a man who has learned a great secret, which is very +agreeable to him, and is jealously clinging to it and reserving it for +himself. He was waiting for night, not exactly with impatience but with +curiosity. + +"What comes next?" he asked himself;--"what will happen?" He had ceased +to be surprised, to be perplexed; he cherished no doubt as to his having +entered into communication with Clara; that they loved each other ... he +did not doubt, either. Only ... what can come of such a love?--He +recalled that kiss ... and a wondrous chill coursed swiftly and sweetly +through all his limbs.--"Romeo and Juliet did not exchange such a kiss +as that!" he thought. "But the next time I shall hold out better.... I +shall possess her.... She will come with the garland of tiny roses in +her black curls.... + +"But after that what? For we cannot live together, can we? Consequently +I must die in order to be with her? Was not that what she came for,--and +is it not in _that_ way she wishes to take me? + +"Well, and what of that? If I must die, I must. Death does not terrify +me in the least now. For it cannot annihilate me, can it? On the +contrary, only _thus_ and _there_ shall I be happy ... as I have never +been happy in my lifetime, as she has never been in hers.... For we are +both unsullied!--Oh, that kiss!" + + * * * * * + +Platonída Ivánovna kept entering Arátoff's room; she did not worry him +with questions, she merely took a look at him, whispered, sighed, and +went out again.--But now he refused his dinner also.... Things were +getting quite too bad. The old woman went off to her friend, the medical +man of the police-district, in whom she had faith simply because he did +not drink and was married to a German woman. Arátoff was astonished when +she brought the man to him; but Platonída Ivánovna began so insistently +to entreat her Yáshenka to permit Paramón Paramónitch (that was the +medical man's name) to examine him--come, now, just for her sake!--that +Arátoff consented. Paramón Paramónitch felt his pulse, looked at his +tongue, interrogated him after a fashion, and finally announced that it +was indispensably necessary to "auscultate" him. Arátoff was in such a +submissive frame of mind that he consented to this also. The doctor +delicately laid bare his breast, delicately tapped it, listened, smiled, +prescribed some drops and a potion, but chief of all, advised him to be +quiet, and refrain from violent emotions. + +"You don't say so!" thought Arátoff.... "Well, brother, thou hast +bethought thyself too late!" + +"What ails Yásha?" asked Platonída Ivánovna, as she handed Paramón +Paramónitch a three-ruble bank-note on the threshold. The district +doctor, who, like all contemporary doctors,--especially those of them +who wear a uniform,--was fond of showing off his learned terminology, +informed her that her nephew had all the dioptric symptoms of nervous +cardialgia, and that febris was present also. + +"But speak more simply, dear little father," broke in Platonída +Ivánovna; "don't scare me with Latin; thou art not in an apothecary's +shop!" + +"His heart is out of order," explained the doctor;--"well, and he has +fever also," ... and he repeated his advice with regard to repose and +moderation. + +"But surely there is no danger?" sternly inquired Platonída Ivánovna, as +much as to say: "Look out and don't try your Latin on me again!" + +"Not at present!" + +The doctor went away, and Platonída Ivánovna took to grieving.... +Nevertheless she sent to the apothecary for the medicine, which Arátoff +would not take, despite her entreaties. He even refused herb-tea. + +"What makes you worry so, dear?" he said to her. "I assure you I am now +the most perfectly healthy and happy man in the whole world!" + +Platonída Ivánovna merely shook her head. Toward evening he became +slightly feverish; yet he still insisted upon it that she should not +remain in his room, and should go away to her own to sleep. Platonída +Ivánovna obeyed, but did not undress, and did not go to bed; she sat up +in an arm-chair and kept listening and whispering her prayer. + +She was beginning to fall into a doze, when suddenly a dreadful, +piercing shriek awakened her. She sprang to her feet, rushed into +Arátoff's study, and found him lying on the floor, as upon the night +before. + +But he did not come to himself as he had done the night before, work +over him as they would. That night he was seized with a high fever, +complicated by inflammation of the heart. + +A few days later he died. + +A strange circumstance accompanied his second swoon. When they lifted +him up and put him to bed, there proved to be a small lock of woman's +black hair clutched in his right hand. Where had that hair come from? +Anna Semyónovna had such a lock, which she had kept after Clara's death; +but why should she have given to Arátoff an object which was so precious +to her? Could she have laid it into the diary, and not noticed the fact +when she gave him the book? + +In the delirium which preceded his death Arátoff called himself +Romeo ... after the poison; he talked about a marriage contracted, +consummated;--said that now he knew the meaning of delight. Especially +dreadful for Platonída Ivánovna was the moment when Arátoff, recovering +consciousness, and seeing her by his bedside, said to her: + +"Aunty, why art thou weeping? Is it because I must die? But dost thou +not know that love is stronger than death?... Death! O Death, where is +thy sting? Thou must not weep, but rejoice, even as I rejoice...." + +And again the face of the dying man beamed with that same blissful smile +which had made the poor old woman shudder so. + + + + + + +POEMS IN PROSE + +(1878-1882) + + + + +_From the Editor of the "European Messenger_" + + +In compliance with our request, Iván Sergyéevitch Turgénieff has given +his consent to our sharing now with the readers of our journal, without +delay, those passing comments, thoughts, images which he had noted down, +under one impression or another of current existence, during the last +five years,--those which belong to him personally, and those which +pertain to society in general. They, like many others, have not found a +place in those finished productions of the past which have already been +presented to the world, and have formed a complete collection in +themselves. From among these the author has made fifty selections. + +In the letter accompanying the pages which we are now about to print, I. +S. Turgénieff says, in conclusion: + +"... Let not your reader peruse these 'Poems in Prose' at one sitting; +he will probably be bored, and the book will fall from his hands. But +let him read them separately,--to-day one, to-morrow another,--and then +perchance some one of them may leave some trace behind in his soul...." + +The pages have no general title; the author has written on their +wrapper: "Senilia--An Old Man's Jottings,"--but we have preferred the +words carelessly dropped by the author in the end of his letter to us, +quoted above,--"Poems in Prose"--and we print the pages under that +general title. In our opinion, it fully expresses the source from which +such comments might present themselves to the soul of an author well +known for his sensitiveness to the various questions of life, as well as +the impression which they may produce on the reader, "leaving behind in +his soul" many things. They are, in reality, poems in spite of the fact +that they are written in prose. We place them in chronological order, +beginning with the year 1878. + +M. S.[68] + +October 28, 1882. + + + + + +I + +(1878) + + + + +THE VILLAGE + + +The last day of July; for a thousand versts round about lies Russia, the +fatherland. + +The whole sky is suffused with an even azure; there is only one little +cloud in it, which is half floating, half melting. There is no wind, it +is warm ... the air is like new milk! + +Larks are carolling; large-cropped pigeons are cooing; the swallows dart +past in silence; the horses neigh and munch, the dogs do not bark, but +stand peaceably wagging their tails. + +And there is an odour of smoke abroad, and of grass,--and a tiny whiff +of tan,--and another of leather.--The hemp-patches, also, are in their +glory, and emit their heavy but agreeable fragrance. + +A deep but not long ravine. Along its sides, in several rows, grow +bulky-headed willows, stripped bare at the bottom. Through the ravine +runs a brook; on its bottom tiny pebbles seem to tremble athwart its +pellucid ripples.--Far away, at the spot where the rims of earth and sky +come together, is the bluish streak of a large river. + +Along the ravine, on one side are neat little storehouses, and buildings +with tightly-closed doors; on the other side are five or six pine-log +cottages with board roofs. Over each roof rises a tall pole with a +starling house; over each tiny porch is an openwork iron horse's head +with a stiff mane.[69] The uneven window-panes sparkle with the hues of +the rainbow. Jugs holding bouquets are painted on the shutters. In front +of each cottage stands sedately a precise little bench; on the earthen +banks around the foundations of the house cats lie curled in balls, with +their transparent ears pricked up on the alert; behind the lofty +thresholds the anterooms look dark and cool. + +I am lying on the very brink of the ravine, on an outspread horse-cloth; +round about are whole heaps of new-mown hay, which is fragrant to the +point of inducing faintness. The sagacious householders have spread out +the hay in front of their cottages: let it dry a little more in the hot +sun, and then away with it to the barn! It will be a glorious place for +a nap! + +The curly heads of children project from each haycock; crested hens are +searching in the hay for gnats and small beetles; a white-toothed puppy +is sprawling among the tangled blades of grass. + +Ruddy-curled youths in clean, low-girt shirts, and heavy boots with +borders, are bandying lively remarks as they stand with their breasts +resting on the unhitched carts, and display their teeth in a grin. + +From a window a round-faced lass peeps out; she laughs, partly at their +words, and partly at the pranks of the children in the heaped-up hay. + +Another lass with her sturdy arms is drawing a huge, dripping bucket +from the well.... The bucket trembles and rocks on the rope, scattering +long, fiery drops. + +In front of me stands an aged housewife in a new-checked petticoat of +homespun and new peasant-shoes. + +Large inflated beads in three rows encircle her thin, swarthy neck; her +grey hair is bound about with a yellow kerchief with red dots; it droops +low over her dimmed eyes. + +But her aged eyes smile in cordial wise; her whole wrinkled face smiles. +The old woman must be in her seventh decade ... and even now it can be +seen that she was a beauty in her day! + +With the sunburned fingers of her right hand widely spread apart, she +holds a pot of cool, unskimmed milk, straight from the cellar; the sides +of the pot are covered with dewdrops, like small pearl beads. On the +palm of her left hand the old woman offers me a big slice of bread still +warm from the oven. As much as to say: "Eat, and may health be thine, +thou passing guest!" + +A cock suddenly crows and busily flaps his wings; an imprisoned calf +lows without haste, in reply. + +"Hey, what fine oats!" the voice of my coachman makes itself heard.... + +O Russian contentment, repose, plenty! O free village! O tranquillity +and abundance! + +And I thought to myself: "What care we for the cross on the dome of +Saint Sophia in Constantinople, and all the other things for which we +strive, we people of the town?" + +February, 1878. + + + + +A CONVERSATION + + "Never yet has human foot trod either the + Jungfrau or the Finsteraarhorn." + + +The summits of the Alps.... A whole chain of steep cliffs.... The very +heart of the mountains. + +Overhead a bright, mute, pale-green sky. A hard, cruel frost; firm, +sparkling snow; from beneath the snow project grim blocks of ice-bound, +wind-worn cliffs. + +Two huge masses, two giants rise aloft, one on each side of the horizon: +the Jungfrau and the Finsteraarhorn. + +And the Jungfrau says to its neighbour: "What news hast thou to tell? +Thou canst see better.--What is going on there below?" + +Several thousand years pass by like one minute. And the Finsteraarhorn +rumbles in reply: "Dense clouds veil the earth.... Wait!" + +More thousands of years elapse, as it were one minute. + +"Well, what now?" inquires the Jungfrau. + +"Now I can see; down yonder, below, everything is still the same: +party-coloured, tiny. The waters gleam blue; the forests are black; +heaps of stones piled up shine grey. Around them small beetles are still +bustling,--thou knowest, those two-legged beetles who have as yet been +unable to defile either thou or me." + +"Men?" + +"Yes, men." + +Thousands of years pass, as it were one minute. + +"Well, and what now?" asks the Jungfrau. + +"I seem to see fewer of the little beetles," thunders the +Finsteraarhorn. "Things have become clearer down below; the waters have +contracted; the forests have grown thinner." + +More thousands of years pass, as it were one minute. + +"What dost thou see?" says the Jungfrau. + +"Things seem to have grown clearer round us, close at hand," replies +the Finsteraarhorn; "well, and yonder, far away, in the valleys there is +still a spot, and something is moving." + +"And now?" inquires the Jungfrau, after other thousands of years, which +are as one minute. + +"Now it is well," replies the Finsteraarhorn; "it is clean everywhere, +quite white, wherever one looks.... Everywhere is our snow, level snow +and ice. Everything is congealed. It is well now, and calm." + +"Good," said the Jungfrau.--"But thou and I have chattered enough, old +fellow. It is time to sleep." + +"It is time!" + +The huge mountains slumber; the green, clear heaven slumbers over the +earth which has grown dumb forever. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE OLD WOMAN + + +I was walking across a spacious field, alone. + +And suddenly I thought I heard light, cautious footsteps behind my +back.... Some one was following me. + +I glanced round and beheld a tiny, bent old woman, all enveloped in grey +rags. The old woman's face was visible from beneath them: a yellow, +wrinkled, sharp-nosed, toothless face. + +I stepped up to her.... She halted. + +"Who art thou? What dost thou want? Art thou a beggar? Dost thou expect +alms?" + +The old woman made no answer. I bent down to her and perceived that both +her eyes were veiled with a semi-transparent, whitish membrane or film, +such as some birds have; therewith they protect their eyes from too +brilliant a light. + +But in the old woman's case that film did not move and reveal the +pupils ... from which I inferred that she was blind. + +"Dost thou want alms?" I repeated my question.--"Why art thou following +me?"--But, as before, the old woman did not answer, and merely shrank +back almost imperceptibly. + +I turned from her and went my way. + +And lo! again I hear behind me those same light, measured footsteps +which seem to be creeping stealthily up. + +"There's that woman again!" I said to myself.--"Why has she attached +herself to me?"--But at this point I mentally added: "Probably, owing to +her blindness, she has lost her way, and now she is guiding herself by +the sound of my steps, in order to come out, in company with me, at some +inhabited place. Yes, yes; that is it." + +But a strange uneasiness gradually gained possession of my thoughts: it +began to seem to me as though that old woman were not only following +me, but were guiding me,--that she was thrusting me now to the right, +now to the left, and that I was involuntarily obeying her. + +Still I continue to walk on ... but now, in front of me, directly in my +road, something looms up black and expands ... some sort of pit.... "The +grave!" flashes through my mind.--"That is where she is driving me!" + +I wheel abruptly round. Again the old woman is before me ... but she +sees! She gazes at me with large, evil eyes which bode me ill ... the +eyes of a bird of prey.... I bend down to her face, to her eyes.... +Again there is the same film, the same blind, dull visage as before.... + +"Akh!" I think ... "this old woman is my Fate--that Fate which no man +can escape! + +"I cannot get away! I cannot get away!--What madness.... I must make an +effort." And I dart to one side, in a different direction. + +I advance briskly.... But the light footsteps, as before, rustle behind +me, close, close behind me.... And in front of me again the pit yawns. + +Again I turn in another direction.... And again there is the same +rustling behind me, the same menacing spot in front of me. + +And no matter in what direction I dart, like a hare pursued ... it is +always the same, the same! + +"Stay!" I think.--"I will cheat her! I will not go anywhere at +all!"--and I instantaneously sit down on the ground. + +The old woman stands behind me, two paces distant.--I do not hear her, +but I feel that she is there. + +And suddenly I behold that spot which had loomed black in the distance, +gliding on, creeping up to me itself! + +O God! I glance behind me.... The old woman is looking straight at me, +and her toothless mouth is distorted in a grin.... + +"Thou canst not escape!" + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE DOG + + +There are two of us in the room, my dog and I.... A frightful storm is +raging out of doors. + +The dog is sitting in front of me, and gazing straight into my eyes. + +And I, also, am looking him straight in the eye. + +He seems to be anxious to say something to me. He is dumb, he has no +words, he does not understand himself--but I understand him. + +I understand that, at this moment, both in him and in me there dwells +one and the same feeling, that there is no difference whatever between +us. We are exactly alike; in each of us there burns and glows the +selfsame tremulous flame. + +Death is swooping down upon us, it is waving its cold, broad wings.... + +"And this is the end!" + +Who shall decide afterward, precisely what sort of flame burned in each +one of us? + +No! it is not an animal and a man exchanging glances.... + +It is two pairs of eyes exactly alike fixed on each other. + +And in each of those pairs, in the animal and in the man, one and the +same life is huddling up timorously to the other. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE RIVAU + + +I had a comrade-rival; not in our studies, not in the service or in +love; but our views did not agree on any point, and every time we met, +interminable arguments sprang up. + +We argued about art, religion, science, about the life of earth and +matters beyond the grave,--especially life beyond the grave. + +He was a believer and an enthusiast. One day he said to me: "Thou +laughest at everything; but if I die before thee, I will appear to thee +from the other world.... We shall see whether thou wilt laugh then." + +And, as a matter of fact, he did die before me, while he was still young +in years; but years passed, and I had forgotten his promise,--his +threat. + +One night I was lying in bed, and could not get to sleep, neither did I +wish to do so. + +It was neither light nor dark in the room; I began to stare into the +grey half-gloom. + +And suddenly it seemed to me that my rival was standing between the two +windows, and nodding his head gently and sadly downward from above. + +I was not frightened, I was not even surprised ... but rising up +slightly in bed, and propping myself on my elbow, I began to gaze with +redoubled attention at the figure which had so unexpectedly presented +itself. + +The latter continued to nod its head. + +"What is it?" I said at last.--"Art thou exulting? Or art thou +pitying?--What is this--a warning or a reproach?... Or dost thou wish to +give me to understand that thou wert in the wrong? That we were both in +the wrong? What art thou experiencing? The pains of hell? The bliss of +paradise? Speak at least one word!" + +But my rival did not utter a single sound--and only went on nodding his +head sadly and submissively, as before, downward from above. + +I burst out laughing ... he vanished. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE BEGGAR MAN + + +I was passing along the street when a beggar, a decrepit old man, +stopped me. + +Swollen, tearful eyes, blue lips, bristling rags, unclean sores.... Oh, +how horribly had poverty gnawed that unhappy being! + +He stretched out to me a red, bloated, dirty hand.... He moaned, he +bellowed for help. + +I began to rummage in all my pockets.... Neither purse, nor watch, nor +even handkerchief did I find.... I had taken nothing with me. + +And the beggar still waited ... and extended his hand, which swayed and +trembled feebly. + +Bewildered, confused, I shook that dirty, tremulous hand heartily.... + +"Blame me not, brother; I have nothing, brother." + +The beggar man fixed his swollen eyes upon me; his blue lips smiled--and +in his turn he pressed my cold fingers. + +"Never mind, brother," he mumbled. "Thanks for this also, brother.--This +also is an alms, brother." + +I understood that I had received an alms from my brother. + +February, 1878. + + + + +"THOU SHALT HEAR THE JUDGMENT OF THE DULLARD...." + _Púshkin_ + + +"Thou shalt hear the judgment of the dullard...." Thou hast always +spoken the truth, thou great writer of ours; thou hast spoken it this +time, also. + +"The judgment of the dullard and the laughter of the crowd."... Who is +there that has not experienced both the one and the other? + +All this can--and must be borne; and whosoever hath the strength,--let +him despise it. + +But there are blows which beat more painfully on the heart itself.... A +man has done everything in his power; he has toiled arduously, lovingly, +honestly.... And honest souls turn squeamishly away from him; honest +faces flush with indignation at his name. "Depart! Begone!" honest young +voices shout at him.--"We need neither thee nor thy work, thou art +defiling our dwelling--thou dost not know us and dost not understand +us.... Thou art our enemy!" + +What is that man to do then? Continue to toil, make no effort to defend +himself--and not even expect a more just estimate. + +In former days tillers of the soil cursed the traveller who brought them +potatoes in place of bread, the daily food of the poor man.... They +snatched the precious gift from the hands outstretched to them, flung it +in the mire, trod it under foot. + +Now they subsist upon it--and do not even know the name of their +benefactor. + +So be it! What matters his name to them? He, although he be nameless, +has saved them from hunger. + +Let us strive only that what we offer may be equally useful food. + +Bitter is unjust reproach in the mouths of people whom one loves.... But +even that can be endured.... + +"Beat me--but hear me out!" said the Athenian chieftain to the Spartan +chieftain. + +"Beat me--but be healthy and full fed!" is what we ought to say. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE CONTENTED MAN + + +Along a street of the capital is skipping a man who is still young.--His +movements are cheerful, alert; his eyes are beaming, his lips are +smiling, his sensitive face is pleasantly rosy.... He is all contentment +and joy. + +What has happened to him? Has he come into an inheritance? Has he been +elevated in rank? Is he hastening to a love tryst? Or, simply, has he +breakfasted well, and is it a sensation of health, a sensation of +full-fed strength which is leaping for joy in all his limbs? Or they may +have hung on his neck thy handsome, eight-pointed cross, O Polish King +Stanislaus! + +No. He has concocted a calumny against an acquaintance, he has +assiduously disseminated it, he has heard it--that same calumny--from +the mouth of another acquaintance--and _has believed it himself_. + +Oh, how contented, how good even at this moment is that nice, +highly-promising young man. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE RULE OF LIFE + + +"If you desire thoroughly to mortify and even to injure an opponent," +said an old swindler to me, "reproach him with the very defect or vice +of which you feel conscious in yourself.--Fly into a rage ... and +reproach him! + +"In the first place, that makes other people think that you do not +possess that vice. + +"In the second place, your wrath may even be sincere.... You may profit +by the reproaches of your own conscience. + +"If, for example, you are a renegade, reproach your adversary with +having no convictions! + +"If you yourself are a lackey in soul, say to him with reproof that he +is a lackey ... the lackey of civilisation, of Europe, of socialism!" + +"You may even say, the lackey of non-lackeyism!" I remarked. + +"You may do that also," chimed in the old rascal. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE END OF THE WORLD + +A DREAM + + +It seems to me as though I am somewhere in Russia, in the wilds, in a +plain country house. + +The chamber is large, low-ceiled, with three windows; the walls are +smeared with white paint; there is no furniture. In front of the house +is a bare plain; gradually descending, it recedes into the distance; the +grey, monotoned sky hangs over it like a canopy. + +I am not alone; half a score of men are with me in the room. All plain +folk, plainly clad; they are pacing up and down in silence, as though by +stealth. They avoid one another, and yet they are incessantly exchanging +uneasy glances. + +Not one of them knows why he has got into this house, or who the men are +with him. On all faces there is disquiet and melancholy ... all, in +turn, approach the windows and gaze attentively about them, as though +expecting something from without. + +Then again they set to roaming up and down. Among us a lad of short +stature is running about; from time to time he screams in a shrill, +monotonous voice: "Daddy, I'm afraid!"--This shrill cry makes me sick at +heart--and I also begin to be afraid.... Of what? I myself do not know. +Only I feel that a great, great calamity is on its way, and is drawing +near. + +And the little lad keeps screaming. Akh, if I could only get away from +here! How stifling it is! How oppressive!... But it is impossible to +escape. + +That sky is like a shroud. And there is no wind.... Is the air dead? + +Suddenly the boy ran to the window and began to scream with the same +plaintive voice as usual: "Look! Look! The earth has fallen in!" + +"What? Fallen in?"--In fact: there had been a plain in front of the +house, but now the house is standing on the crest of a frightful +mountain!--The horizon has fallen, has gone down, and from the very +house itself a black, almost perpendicular declivity descends. + +We have all thronged to the window.... Horror freezes our +hearts.--"There it is ... there it is!" whispers my neighbour. + +And lo! along the whole distant boundary of the earth something has +begun to stir, some small, round hillocks have begun to rise and fall. + +"It is the sea!" occurs to us all at one and the same moment.--"It will +drown us all directly.... Only, how can it wax and rise up? On that +precipice?" + +And nevertheless it does wax, and wax hugely.... It is no longer +separate hillocks which are tumbling in the distance.... A dense, +monstrous wave engulfs the entire circle of the horizon. + +It is flying, flying upon us!--Like an icy hurricane it sweeps on, +swirling with the outer darkness. Everything round about has begun to +quiver,--and yonder, in that oncoming mass,--there are crashing and +thunder, and a thousand-throated, iron barking.... + +Ha! What a roaring and howling! It is the earth roaring with terror.... + +It is the end of it! The end of all things! + +The boy screamed once more.... I tried to seize hold of my comrades, but +we, all of us, were already crushed, buried, drowned, swept away by that +icy, rumbling flood, as black as ink. + +Darkness ... eternal darkness! + +Gasping for breath, I awoke. + +March, 1878. + + + + +MASHA + + +When I was living in Petersburg,--many years ago,--whenever I had +occasion to hire a public cabman I entered into conversation with him. + +I was specially fond of conversing with the night cabmen,--poor +peasants of the suburbs, who have come to town with their ochre-tinted +little sledges and miserable little nags in the hope of supporting +themselves and collecting enough money to pay their quit-rent to their +owners. + +So, then, one day I hired such a cabman.... He was a youth of twenty +years, tall, well-built, a fine, dashing young fellow; he had blue eyes +and rosy cheeks; his red-gold hair curled in rings beneath a wretched +little patched cap, which was pulled down over his very eyebrows. And +how in the world was that tattered little coat ever got upon those +shoulders of heroic mould! + +But the cabman's handsome, beardless face seemed sad and lowering. + +I entered into conversation with him. Sadness was discernible in his +voice also. + +"What is it, brother?" I asked him.--"Why art not thou cheerful? Hast +thou any grief?" + +The young fellow did not reply to me at once. + +"I have, master, I have," he said at last.--"And such a grief that it +would be better if I were not alive. My wife is dead." + +"Didst thou love her ... thy wife?" + +The young fellow turned toward me; only he bent his head a little. + +"I did, master. This is the eighth month since ... but I cannot forget. +It is eating away my heart ... so it is! And why must she die? She was +young! Healthy!... In one day the cholera settled her." + +"And was she of a good disposition?" + +"Akh, master!" sighed the poor fellow, heavily.--"And on what friendly +terms she and I lived together! She died in my absence. When I heard +here that they had already buried her, I hurried immediately to the +village, home. It was already after midnight when I arrived. I entered +my cottage, stopped short in the middle of it, and said so softly: +'Masha! hey, Masha!' Only a cricket shrilled.--Then I fell to weeping, +and sat down on the cottage floor, and how I did beat my palm against +the ground!--'Thy bowels are insatiable!' I said.... 'Thou hast devoured +her ... devour me also!'--Akh, Masha!" + +"Masha," he added in a suddenly lowered voice. And without letting his +rope reins out of his hands, he squeezed a tear out of his eye with his +mitten, shook it off, flung it to one side, shrugged his shoulders--and +did not utter another word. + +As I alighted from the sledge I gave him an extra fifteen kopéks. He +made me a low obeisance, grasping his cap in both hands, and drove off +at a foot-pace over the snowy expanse of empty street, flooded with the +grey mist of the January frost. + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE FOOL + + +Once upon a time a fool lived in the world. + +For a long time he lived in clover; but gradually rumours began to reach +him to the effect that he bore the reputation everywhere of a brainless +ninny. + +The fool was disconcerted and began to fret over the question how he was +to put an end to those unpleasant rumours. + +A sudden idea at last illumined his dark little brain.... And without +the slightest delay he put it into execution. + +An acquaintance met him on the street and began to praise a well-known +artist.... "Good gracious!" exclaimed the fool, "that artist was +relegated to the archives long ago.... Don't you know that?--I did not +expect that of you.... You are behind the times." + +The acquaintance was frightened, and immediately agreed with the fool. + +"What a fine book I have read to-day!" said another acquaintance to him. + +"Good gracious!" cried the fool.--"Aren't you ashamed of yourself? That +book is good for nothing; everybody dropped it in disgust long +ago.--Don't you know that?--You are behind the times." + +And that acquaintance also was frightened and agreed with the fool. + +"What a splendid man my friend N. N. is!" said a third acquaintance to +the fool.--"There's a truly noble being for you!" + +"Good gracious!"--exclaimed the fool,--"it is well known that N. N. is a +scoundrel! He has robbed all his relatives. Who is there that does not +know it? You are behind the times." + +The third acquaintance also took fright and agreed with the fool, and +renounced his friend. And whosoever or whatsoever was praised in the +fool's presence, he had the same retort for all. + +He even sometimes added reproachfully: "And do you still believe in the +authorities?" + +"A malicious person! A bilious man!" his acquaintances began to say +about the fool.--"But what a head!" + +"And what a tongue!" added others. + +"Oh, yes; he is talented!" + +It ended in the publisher of a newspaper proposing to the fool that he +should take charge of his critical department. + +And the fool began to criticise everything and everybody, without making +the slightest change in his methods, or in his exclamations. + +Now he, who formerly shrieked against authorities, is an authority +himself,--and the young men worship him and fear him. + +But what are they to do, poor fellows? Although it is not +proper--generally speaking--to worship ... yet in this case, if one does +not do it, he will find himself classed among the men who are behind +the times! + +There is a career for fools among cowards. + +April, 1878. + + + + +AN ORIENTAL LEGEND + + +Who in Bagdad does not know the great Giaffar, the sun of the universe? + +One day, many years ago, when he was still a young man, Giaffar was +strolling in the suburbs of Bagdad. + +Suddenly there fell upon his ear a hoarse cry: some one was calling +desperately for help. + +Giaffar was distinguished among the young men of his own age for his +good sense and prudence; but he had a compassionate heart, and he +trusted to his strength. + +He ran in the direction of the cry, and beheld a decrepit old man pinned +against the wall of the city by two brigands who were robbing him. + +Giaffar drew his sword and fell upon the malefactors. One he slew, the +other he chased away. + +The old man whom he had liberated fell at his rescuer's feet, and +kissing the hem of his garment, exclaimed: "Brave youth, thy magnanimity +shall not remain unrewarded. In appearance I am a beggar; but only in +appearance. I am not a common man.--Come to-morrow morning early to the +chief bazaar; I will await thee there at the fountain--and thou shalt +convince thyself as to the justice of my words." + +Giaffar reflected: "In appearance this man is a beggar, it is true; but +all sorts of things happen. Why should not I try the experiment?"--and +he answered: "Good, my father, I will go." + +The old man looked him in the eye and went away. + +On the following morning, just as day was breaking, Giaffar set out for +the bazaar. The old man was already waiting for him, with his elbows +leaning on the marble basin of the fountain. + +Silently he took Giaffar by the hand and led him to a small garden, +surrounded on all sides by high walls. + +In the very centre of this garden, on a green lawn, grew a tree of +extraordinary aspect. + +It resembled a cypress; only its foliage was of azure hue. + +Three fruits--three apples--hung on the slender up-curving branches. One +of medium size was oblong in shape, of a milky-white hue; another was +large, round, and bright red; the third was small, wrinkled and +yellowish. + +The whole tree was rustling faintly, although there was no wind. It +tinkled delicately and plaintively, as though it were made of glass; it +seemed to feel the approach of Giaffar. + +"Youth!"--said the old man, "pluck whichever of these fruits thou wilt, +and know that if thou shalt pluck and eat the white one, thou shalt +become more wise than all men; if thou shalt pluck and eat the red one, +thou shalt become as rich as the Hebrew Rothschild; if thou shalt pluck +and eat the yellow one, thou shalt please old women. Decide! ... and +delay not. In an hour the fruits will fade, and the tree itself will +sink into the dumb depths of the earth!" + +Giaffar bowed his head and thought.--"What am I to do?" he articulated +in a low tone, as though arguing with himself.--"If one becomes too +wise, he will not wish to live, probably; if he becomes richer than all +men, all will hate him; I would do better to pluck and eat the third, +the shrivelled apple!" + +And so he did; and the old man laughed a toothless laugh and said: "Oh, +most wise youth! Thou hast chosen the good part!--What use hast thou for +the white apple? Thou art wiser than Solomon as thou art.--And neither +dost thou need the red apple.... Even without it thou shalt be rich. +Only no one will be envious of thy wealth." + +"Inform me, old man," said Giaffar, with a start, "where the respected +mother of our God-saved Caliph dwelleth?" + +The old man bowed to the earth, and pointed out the road to the youth. + +Who in Bagdad doth not know the sun of the universe, the great, the +celebrated Giaffar? + +April, 1878. + + + + +TWO FOUR-LINE STANZAS + + +There existed once a city whose inhabitants were so passionately fond of +poetry that if several weeks passed and no beautiful new verses had made +their appearance they regarded that poetical dearth as a public +calamity. + +At such times they donned their worst garments, sprinkled ashes on their +heads, and gathering in throngs on the public squares, they shed tears, +and murmured bitterly against the Muse for having abandoned them. + +On one such disastrous day the young poet Junius, presented himself on +the square, filled to overflowing with the sorrowing populace. + +With swift steps he ascended a specially-constructed tribune and made a +sign that he wished to recite a poem. + +The lictors immediately brandished their staves. "Silence! Attention!" +they shouted in stentorian tones. + +"Friends! Comrades!" began Junius, in a loud, but not altogether firm +voice: + + "Friends! Comrades! Ye lovers of verses! + Admirers of all that is graceful and fair! + Be not cast down by a moment of dark sadness! + The longed-for instant will come ... and light + will disperse the gloom!"[70] + +Junius ceased speaking ... and in reply to him, from all points of the +square, clamour, whistling, and laughter arose. + +All the faces turned toward him flamed with indignation, all eyes +flashed with wrath, all hands were uplifted, menaced, were clenched into +fists. + +"A pretty thing he has thought to surprise us with!" roared angry +voices. "Away from the tribune with the talentless rhymster! Away with +the fool! Hurl rotten apples, bad eggs, at the empty-pated idiot! Give +us stones! Fetch stones!" + +Junius tumbled headlong from the tribune ... but before he had succeeded +in fleeing to his own house, outbursts of rapturous applause, cries of +laudation and shouts reached his ear. + +Filled with amazement, but striving not to be detected (for it is +dangerous to irritate an enraged wild beast), Junius returned to the +square. + +And what did he behold? + +High above the throng, above its shoulders, on a flat gold shield, stood +his rival, the young poet Julius, clad in a purple mantle, with a +laurel wreath on his waving curls.... And the populace round about was +roaring: "Glory! Glory! Glory to the immortal Julius! He hath comforted +us in our grief, in our great woe! He hath given us verses sweeter than +honey, more melodious than the cymbals, more fragrant than the rose, +more pure than heaven's azure! Bear him in triumph; surround his +inspired head with a soft billow of incense; refresh his brow with the +waving of palm branches; lavish at his feet all the spices of Arabia! +Glory!" + +Junius approached one of the glorifiers.--"Inform me, O my +fellow-townsman! With what verses hath Julius made you happy?--Alas, I +was not on the square when he recited them! Repeat them, if thou canst +recall them, I pray thee!" + +"Such verses--and not recall them?" briskly replied the man +interrogated.--"For whom dost thou take me? Listen--and rejoice, rejoice +together with us!" + +'Ye lovers of verses!'--thus began the divine Julius.... + + "'Ye lovers of verses! Comrades! Friends! + Admirers of all that is graceful, melodious, tender! + Be not east down by a moment of heavy grief! + The longed-for moment will come--and day will chase away the night!' + +"What dost thou think of that?" + +"Good gracious!" roared Junius. "Why, those are my lines!--Julius must +have been in the crowd when I recited them; he heard and repeated them, +barely altering--and that, of course, not for the better--a few +expressions!" + +"Aha! Now I recognise thee.... Thou art Junius," retorted the citizen +whom he had accosted, knitting his brows.--"Thou art either envious or a +fool!... Only consider just one thing, unhappy man! Julius says in such +lofty style: 'And day will chase away the night!'.... But with thee it +is some nonsense or other: 'And the light will disperse the +gloom!?'--What light?! What darkness?!" + +"But is it not all one and the same thing...." Junius was beginning.... + +"Add one word more," the citizen interrupted him, "and I will shout to +the populace, and it will rend thee asunder." + +Junius prudently held his peace, but a grey-haired old man, who had +overheard his conversation with the citizen, stepped up to the poor +poet, and laying his hand on his shoulder, said: + +"Junius! Thou hast said thy say at the wrong time; but the other man +said his at the right time.--consequently, he is in the right, while for +thee there remain the consolations of thine own conscience." + +But while his conscience was consoling Junius to the best of its +ability,--and in a decidedly-unsatisfactory way, if the truth must be +told,--far away, amid the thunder and patter of jubilation, in the +golden dust of the all-conquering sun, gleaming with purple, darkling +with laurel athwart the undulating streams of abundant incense, with +majestic leisureliness, like an emperor marching to his empire, the +proudly-erect figure of Julius moved forward with easy grace ... and +long branches of the palm-tree bent in turn before him, as though +expressing by their quiet rising, their submissive obeisance, that +incessantly-renewed adoration which filled to overflowing the hearts of +his fellow-citizens whom he had enchanted! + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE SPARROW + + +I had returned from the chase and was walking along one of the alleys in +the garden. My hound was running on in front of me. + +Suddenly he retarded his steps and began to crawl stealthily along as +though he detected game ahead. + +I glanced down the alley and beheld a young sparrow, with a yellow ring +around its beak and down on its head. It had fallen from the nest (the +wind was rocking the trees of the alley violently), and sat motionless, +impotently expanding its barely-sprouted little wings. + +My hound was approaching it slowly when, suddenly wrenching itself from +a neighbouring birch, an old black-breasted sparrow fell like a stone in +front of my dog's very muzzle--and, with plumage all ruffled, contorted, +with a despairing and pitiful cry, gave a couple of hops in the +direction of the yawning jaws studded with big teeth. + +It had flung itself down to save, it was shielding, its offspring ... +but the whole of its tiny body was throbbing with fear, its voice was +wild and hoarse, it was swooning, it was sacrificing itself! + +What a huge monster the dog must have appeared to it! And yet it could +not have remained perched on its lofty, secure bough.... A force greater +than its own will had hurled it thence. + +My Trésor stopped short, retreated.... Evidently he recognised that +force. + +I hastened to call off the discomfited hound, and withdrew with +reverence. + +Yes; do not laugh. I felt reverential before that tiny, heroic bird, +before its loving impulse. + +Love, I thought, is stronger than death.--Only by it, only by love, does +life support itself and move. + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE SKULLS + + +A sumptuous, luxuriously illuminated ball-room; a multitude of +cavaliers and ladies. + +All faces are animated, all speeches are brisk.... A rattling +conversation is in progress about a well-known songstress. The people +are lauding her as divine, immortal.... Oh, how finely she had executed +her last trill that evening! + +And suddenly--as though at the wave of a magic wand--from all the heads, +from all the faces, a thin shell of skin flew off, and instantly there +was revealed the whiteness of skulls, the naked gums and cheek-bones +dimpled like bluish lead. + +With horror did I watch those gums and cheek-bones moving and +stirring,--those knobby, bony spheres turning this way and that, as they +gleamed in the light of the lamps and candles, and smaller spheres--the +spheres of the eyes bereft of sense--rolling in them. + +I dared not touch my own face, I dared not look at myself in a mirror. +But the skulls continued to turn this way and that, as before.... And +with the same clatter as before, the brisk tongues, flashing like red +rags from behind the grinning teeth, murmured on, how wonderfully, how +incomparably the immortal ... yes, the immortal songstress had executed +her last trill! + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE TOILER AND THE LAZY MAN + +A CONVERSATION + + +THE TOILER + +Why dost thou bother us? What dost thou want? Thou art not one of us.... +Go away! + +THE LAZY MAN[71] + +I am one of you, brethren! + +THE TOILER + +Nothing of the sort; thou art not one of us! What an invention! Just +look at my hands. Dost thou see how dirty they are? And they stink of +dung, and tar,--while thy hands are white. And of what do they smell? + +THE LAZY MAN--_offering his hands_ + +Smell. + +THE TOILER--_smelling the hands_ + +What's this? They seem to give off an odour of iron. + +THE LAZY MAN + +Iron it is. For the last six years I have worn fetters on them. + +THE TOILER + +And what was that for? + +THE LAZY MAN + +Because I was striving for your welfare, I wanted to liberate you, the +coarse, uneducated people; I rebelled against your oppressors, I +mutinied.... Well, and so they put me in prison. + +THE TOILER + +They put you in prison? It served you right for rebelling! + + _Two Years Later_ + +THE SAME TOILER TO ANOTHER TOILER + +Hearken, Piótra!... Dost remember one of those white-handed lazy men was +talking to thee the summer before last? + +THE OTHER TOILER + +I remember.... What of it? + +FIRST TOILER + +They're going to hang him to-day, I hear; that's the order which has +been issued. + +SECOND TOILER + +Has he kept on rebelling? + +FIRST TOILER + +He has. + +SECOND TOILER + +Yes.... Well, see here, brother Mitry: can't we get hold of a bit of +that rope with which they are going to hang him? Folks say that that +brings the greatest good luck to a house. + +FIRST TOILER + +Thou'rt right about that. We must try, brother Piótra. + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE ROSE + + +The last days of August.... Autumn had already come. + +The sun had set. A sudden, violent rain, without thunder and without +lightning, had just swooped down upon our broad plain. + +The garden in front of the house burned and smoked, all flooded with the +heat of sunset and the deluge of rain. + +She was sitting at a table in the drawing-room and staring with stubborn +thoughtfulness into the garden, through the half-open door. + +I knew what was going on then in her soul. I knew that after a brief +though anguished conflict, she would that same instant yield to the +feeling which she could no longer control. + +Suddenly she rose, walked out briskly into the garden and disappeared. + +One hour struck ... then another; she did not return. + +Then I rose, and emerging from the house, I bent my steps to the alley +down which--I had no doubt as to that--she had gone. + +Everything had grown dark round about; night had already descended. But +on the damp sand of the path, gleaming scarlet amid the encircling +gloom, a rounded object was visible. + +I bent down. It was a young, barely-budded rose. Two hours before I had +seen that same rose on her breast. + +I carefully picked up the flower which had fallen in the mire, and +returning to the drawing-room, I laid it on the table, in front of her +arm-chair. + +And now, at last, she returned, and traversing the whole length of the +room with her light footsteps, she seated herself at the table. + +Her face had grown pale and animated; swiftly, with merry confusion, her +lowered eyes, which seemed to have grown smaller, darted about in all +directions. + +She caught sight of the rose, seized it, glanced at its crumpled petals, +glanced at me--and her eyes, coming to a sudden halt, glittered with +tears. + +"What are you weeping about?" I asked. + +"Why, here, about this rose. Look what has happened to it." + +At this point I took it into my head to display profundity of thought. + +"Your tears will wash away the mire," I said with a significant +expression. + +"Tears do not wash, tears scorch," she replied, and, turning toward the +fireplace, she tossed the flower into the expiring flame. + +"The fire will scorch it still better than tears," she exclaimed, not +without audacity,--and her beautiful eyes, still sparkling with tears, +laughed boldly and happily. + +I understood that she had been scorched also. + +April, 1878. + + + + +IN MEMORY OF J. P. VRÉVSKY + + +In the mire, on damp, stinking straw, under the pent-house of an old +carriage-house which had been hastily converted into a field military +hospital in a ruined Bulgarian hamlet, she had been for more than a +fortnight dying of typhus fever. + +She was unconscious--and not a single physician had even glanced at her; +the sick soldiers whom she had nursed as long as she could keep on her +feet rose by turns from their infected lairs, in order to raise to her +parched lips a few drops of water in a fragment of a broken jug. + +She was young, handsome; high society knew her; even dignitaries +inquired about her. The ladies envied her, the men courted her ... two +or three men loved her secretly and profoundly. Life smiled upon her; +but there are smiles which are worse than tears, + +A tender, gentle heart ... and such strength, such a thirst for +sacrifice! To help those who needed help ... she knew no other happiness +... she knew no other and she tasted no other. Every other happiness +passed her by. But she had long since become reconciled to that, and all +flaming with the fire of inextinguishable faith, she dedicated herself +to the service of her fellow-men. What sacred treasures she held hidden +there, in the depths of her soul, in her own secret recesses, no one +ever knew--and now no one will ever know. + +And to what end? The sacrifice has been made ... the deed is done. + +But it is sorrowful to think that no one said "thank you" even to her +corpse, although she herself was ashamed of and shunned all thanks. + +May her dear shade be not offended by this tardy blossom, which I +venture to lay upon her grave! + +September, 1878. + + + + +THE LAST MEETING + + +We were once close, intimate friends.... But there came an evil moment +and we parted like enemies. + +Many years passed.... And lo! on entering the town where he lived I +learned that he was hopelessly ill, and wished to see me. + +I went to him, I entered his chamber.... Our glances met. + +I hardly recognised him. O God! How disease had changed him! + +Yellow, shrivelled, with his head completely bald, and a narrow, grey +beard, he was sitting in nothing but a shirt, cut out expressly.... He +could not bear the pressure of the lightest garment. Abruptly he +extended to me his frightfully-thin hand, which looked as though it had +been gnawed away, with an effort whispered several incomprehensible +words--whether of welcome or of reproach, who knows? His exhausted chest +heaved; over the contracted pupils of his small, inflamed eyes two +scanty tears of martyrdom flowed down. + +My heart sank within me.... I sat down on a chair beside him, and +involuntarily dropping my eyes in the presence of that horror and +deformity, I also put out my hand. + +But it seemed to me that it was not his hand which grasped mine. + +It seemed to me as though there were sitting between us a tall, quiet, +white woman. A long veil enveloped her from head to foot. Her deep, pale +eyes gazed nowhere; her pale, stern lips uttered no sound.... + +That woman joined our hands.... She reconciled us forever. + +Yes.... It was Death who had reconciled us.... + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE VISIT + + +I was sitting at the open window ... in the morning, early in the +morning, on the first of May. + +The flush of dawn had not yet begun; but the dark, warm night was +already paling, already growing chill. + +No fog had risen, no breeze was straying, everything was of one hue and +silent ... but one could scent the approach of the awakening, and in the +rarefied air the scent of the dew's harsh dampness was abroad. + +Suddenly, into my chamber, through the open window, flew a large bird, +lightly tinkling and rustling. + +I started, looked more intently.... It was not a bird: it was a tiny, +winged woman, clad in a long, close-fitting robe which billowed out at +the bottom. + +She was all grey, the hue of mother-of-pearl; only the inner side of her +wings glowed with a tender flush of scarlet, like a rose bursting into +blossom; a garland of lilies-of-the-valley confined the scattered curls +of her small, round head,--and two peacock feathers quivered amusingly, +like the feelers of a butterfly, above the fair, rounded little +forehead. + +She floated past a couple of times close to the ceiling: her tiny face +was laughing; laughing also were her huge, black, luminous eyes. The +merry playfulness of her capricious flight shivered their diamond rays. + +She held in her hand a long frond of a steppe flower--"Imperial +sceptre"[72] the Russian folk call it; and it does, indeed, resemble a +sceptre. + +As she flew rapidly above me she touched my head with that flower. + +I darted toward her.... But she had already fluttered through the +window, and away she flew headlong.... + +In the garden, in the wilderness of the lilac-bushes, a turtle-dove +greeted her with its first cooing; and at the spot where she had +vanished the milky-white sky flushed a soft crimson. + +I recognised thee, goddess of fancy! Thou hast visited me by +accident--thou hast flown in to young poets. + +O poetry! O youth! O virginal beauty of woman! Only for an instant can +ye gleam before me,--in the early morning of the early spring! + +May, 1878. + + + + +NECESSITAS--VIS--LIBERTAS + +A BAS-RELIEF + + +A tall, bony old woman with an iron face and a dull, impassive gaze is +walking along with great strides, and pushing before her, with her hand +as harsh as a stick, another woman. + +This woman, of vast size, powerful, corpulent, with the muscles of a +Hercules, and a tiny head on a bull-like neck-and blind--is pushing on +in her turn a small, thin young girl. + +This girl alone has eyes which see; she resists, turns backward, +elevates her thin red arms; her animated countenance expresses +impatience and hardihood.... She does not wish to obey, she does not +wish to advance in the direction whither she is being impelled ... and, +nevertheless, she must obey and advance. + + _Necessitas--Vis--Libertas_: + +Whoever likes may interpret this. + +May, 1878. + + + + +ALMS + + +In the vicinity of a great city, on the broad, much-travelled road, an +aged, ailing man was walking. + +He was staggering as he went; his emaciated legs, entangling themselves, +trailing and stumbling, trod heavily and feebly, exactly as though they +belonged to some one else; his clothing hung on him in rags; his bare +head drooped upon his breast.... He was exhausted. + +He squatted down on a stone by the side of the road, bent forward, +propped his elbows on his knees, covered his face with both hands, and +between his crooked fingers the tears dripped on the dry, grey dust. + +He was remembering.... + +He remembered how he had once been healthy and rich,--and how he had +squandered his health, and distributed his wealth to others, friends and +enemies.... And lo! now he had not a crust of bread, and every one had +abandoned him, his friends even more promptly than his enemies.... Could +he possibly humble himself to the point of asking alms? And he felt +bitter and ashamed at heart. + +And the tears still dripped and dripped, mottling the grey dust. + +Suddenly he heard some one calling him by name. He raised his weary +head and beheld in front of him a stranger: a face calm and dignified, +but not stern; eyes not beaming, but bright; a gaze penetrating, but not +evil. + +"Thou hast given away all thy wealth," an even voice made itself +heard.... "But surely thou art not regretting that thou hast done good?" + +"I do not regret it," replied the old man, with a sigh, "only here am I +dying now." + +"And if there had been no beggars in the world to stretch out their +hands to thee," pursued the stranger, "thou wouldst have had no one to +whom to show thy beneficence; thou wouldst not have been able to +exercise thyself therein?" + +The old man made no reply, and fell into thought. + +"Therefore, be not proud now, my poor man," spoke up the stranger again. +"Go, stretch out thy hand, afford to other good people the possibility +of proving by their actions that they are good." + +The old man started, and raised his eyes ... but the stranger had +already vanished,--but far away, on the road, a wayfarer made his +appearance. + +The old man approached him, and stretched out his hand.--The wayfarer +turned away with a surly aspect and gave him nothing. + +But behind him came another, and this one gave the old man a small alms. + +And the old man bought bread for himself with the copper coins which had +been given him, and sweet did the bit which he had begged seem to him, +and there was no shame in his heart--but, on the contrary, a tranquil +joy overshadowed him. + +May, 1878. + + + + +THE INSECT + + +I dreamed that a score of us were sitting in a large room with open +windows. + +Among us were women, children, old men.... We were all talking about +some very unfamiliar subject--talking noisily and unintelligibly. + +Suddenly, with a harsh clatter, a huge insect, about three inches and a +half long, flew into the room ... flew in, circled about and alighted on +the wall. + +It resembled a fly or a wasp.--Its body was of a dirty hue; its flat, +hard wings were of the same colour; it had extended, shaggy claws and a +big, angular head, like that of a dragon-fly; and that head and the +claws were bright red, as though bloody. + +This strange insect kept incessantly turning its head downward, upward, +to the right, to the left, and moving its claws about ... then suddenly +it wrested itself from the wall, flew clattering through the room,--and +again alighted, again began to move in terrifying and repulsive manner, +without stirring from the spot. It evoked in all of us disgust, alarm, +even terror.... None of us had ever seen anything of the sort; we all +cried: "Expel that monster!" We all flourished our handkerchiefs at it +from a distance ... for no one could bring himself to approach it ... +and when the insect had flown in we had all involuntarily got out of the +way. + +Only one of our interlocutors, a pale-faced man who was still young, +surveyed us all with surprise.--He shrugged his shoulders, he smiled, he +positively could not understand what had happened to us and why we were +so agitated. He had seen no insect, he had not heard the ominous clatter +of its wings. + +Suddenly the insect seemed to rivet its attention on him, soared into +the air, and swooping down upon his head, stung him on the brow, a +little above the eyes.... The young man emitted a faint cry and fell +dead. + +The dreadful fly immediately flew away.... Only then did we divine what +sort of a visitor we had had. + +May, 1878. + + + + +CABBAGE-SOUP + + +The son of a widowed peasant-woman died--a young fellow aged twenty, the +best labourer in the village. + +The lady-proprietor of that village, on learning of the peasant-woman's +affliction, went to call upon her on the very day of the funeral. + +She found her at home. + +Standing in the middle of her cottage, in front of the table, she was +ladling out empty[73] cabbage-soup from the bottom of a smoke-begrimed +pot, in a leisurely way, with her right hand (her left hung limply by +her side), and swallowing spoonful after spoonful. + +The woman's face had grown sunken and dark; her eyes were red and +swollen ... but she carried herself independently and uprightly, as in +church.[74] + +"O Lord!" thought the lady; "she can eat at such a moment ... but what +coarse feelings they have!" + +And then the lady-mistress recalled how, when she had lost her own +little daughter, aged nine months, a few years before, she had refused, +out of grief, to hire a very beautiful villa in the vicinity of +Petersburg, and had passed the entire summer in town!--But the +peasant-woman continued to sip her cabbage-soup. + +At last the lady could endure it no longer.--"Tatyána!" said she.... +"Good gracious!--I am amazed! Is it possible that thou didst not love +thy son? How is it that thy appetite has not disappeared?--How canst +thou eat that cabbage-soup?" + +"My Vásya is dead," replied the woman softly, and tears of suffering +again began to stream down her sunken cheeks,--"and, of course, my own +end has come also: my head has been taken away from me while I am still +alive. But the cabbage-soup must not go to waste; for it is salted" + +The lady-mistress merely shrugged her shoulders and went away. She got +salt cheaply. + +May, 1878. + + + + +THE AZURE REALM + + +O azure realm! O realm of azure, light, youth, and happiness! I have +beheld thee ... in my dreams. + +There were several of us in a beautiful, decorated boat. Like the breast +of a swan the white sail towered aloft beneath fluttering pennants. + +I did not know who my companions were; but with all my being I felt that +they were as young, as merry, as happy as I was! + +And I paid no heed to them. All about me I beheld only the shoreless +azure sea, all covered with a fine rippling of golden scales, and +over-head an equally shoreless azure sea, and in it, triumphantly and, +as it were, smilingly, rolled on the friendly sun. + +And among us, from time to time, there arose laughter, ringing and +joyous as the laughter of the gods! + +Or suddenly, from some one's lips, flew forth words, verses replete with +wondrous beauty and with inspired power ... so that it seemed as though +the very sky resounded in reply to them, and round about the sea +throbbed with sympathy.... And then blissful silence began again. + +Diving lightly through the soft waves, our swift boat glided on. It was +not propelled by the breeze; it was ruled by our own sportive hearts. +Whithersoever we wished, thither did it move, obediently, as though it +were gifted with life. + +We encountered islands, magical, half-transparent islands with the hues +of precious stones, jacinths and emeralds. Intoxicating perfumes were +wafted from the surrounding shores; some of these islands pelted us with +a rain of white roses and lilies-of-the-valley; from others there rose +up suddenly long-winged birds, clothed in rainbow hues. + +The birds circled over our heads, the lilies and roses melted in the +pearly foam, which slipped along the smooth sides of our craft. + +In company with the flowers and the birds, sweet, sweet sounds were +wafted to our ears.... We seemed to hear women's voices in them.... And +everything round about,--the sky, the sea, the bellying of the sail up +aloft, the purling of the waves at the stern,--everything spoke of love, +of blissful love. + +And she whom each one of us loved--she was there ... invisibly and near +at hand. Yet another moment and lo! her eyes would beam forth, her smile +would blossom out.... Her hand would grasp thy hand, and draw thee after +her into an unfading paradise! + +O azure realm! I have beheld thee ... in my dream! + +June, 1878. + + + + +TWO RICH MEN + + +When men in my presence extol Rothschild, who out of his vast revenues +allots whole thousands for the education of children, the cure of the +sick, the care of the aged, I laud and melt in admiration. + +But while I laud and melt I cannot refrain from recalling a +poverty-stricken peasant's family which received an orphaned niece into +its wretched, tumble-down little hovel. + +"If we take Kátka," said the peasant-woman; "we shall spend our last +kopéks on her, and there will be nothing left wherewith to buy salt for +our porridge." + +"But we will take her ... and unsalted porridge," replied the +peasant-man, her husband. + +Rothschild is a long way behind that peasant-man! + +July, 1878. + + + + +THE OLD MAN + + +The dark, distressing days have come.... + +One's own maladies, the ailments of those dear to him, cold and the +gloom of old age. Everything which thou hast loved, to which thou hast +surrendered thyself irrevocably, collapses and falls into ruins. The +road has taken a turn down hill. + +But what is to be done? Grieve? Lament? Thou wilt help neither thyself +nor others in that way.... + +On the withered, bent tree the foliage is smaller, more scanty--but the +verdure is the same as ever. + +Do thou also shrivel up, retire into thyself, into thy memories, and +there, deep, very deep within, at the very bottom of thy concentrated +soul, thy previous life, accessible to thee alone, will shine forth +before thee with its fragrant, still fresh verdure, and the caress and +strength of the springtime! + +But have a care ... do not look ahead, poor old man! + +July, 1878. + + + + +THE CORRESPONDENT + + +Two friends are sitting at a table and drinking tea. + +A sudden noise has arisen in the street. Plaintive moans, violent oaths, +outbursts of malicious laughter have become audible. + +"Some one is being beaten," remarked one of the friends, after having +cast a glance out of the window. + +"A criminal? A murderer?" inquired the other.--"See here, no matter who +it is, such chastisement without trial is not to be tolerated. Let us go +and defend him." + +"But it is not a murderer who is being beaten." + +"Not a murderer? A thief, then? Never mind, let us go, let us rescue him +from the mob." + +"It is not a thief, either." + +"Not a thief? Is it, then, a cashier, a railway employee, an army +contractor, a Russian Mæcenas, a lawyer, a well-intentioned editor, a +public philanthropist?... At any rate, let us go, let us aid him!" + +"No ... they are thrashing a correspondent." + +"A correspondent?--Well, see here now, let's drink a glass of tea +first." + +July, 1878. + + + + +TWO BROTHERS + + +It was a vision.... + +Two angels presented themselves before me ... two spirits. + +I say angels ... spirits, because neither of them had any garments on +their naked bodies, and from the shoulders of both sprang long, powerful +wings. + +Both are youths. One is rather plump, smooth of skin, with black curls. +He has languishing brown eyes with thick eyelashes; his gaze is +ingratiating, cheerful, and eager. A charming, captivating countenance a +trifle bold, a trifle malicious. His full red lips tremble slightly. The +youth smiles like one who has authority,--confidently and lazily; a +sumptuous garland of flowers rests lightly on his shining hair, almost +touching his velvet eyebrows. The spotted skin of a leopard, pinned with +a golden dart, hangs lightly from his plump shoulders down upon his +curving hips. The feathers of his wings gleam with changeable tints of +rose-colour; their tips are of a brilliant red, just as though they had +been dipped in fresh, crimson blood. From time to time they palpitate +swiftly, with a pleasant silvery sound, the sound of rain in springtime. + +The other is gaunt and yellow of body. His ribs are faintly discernible +at every breath. His hair is fair, thin, straight; his eyes are huge, +round, pale grey in colour ... his gaze is uneasy and strangely bright. +All his features are sharp-cut: his mouth is small, half open, with +fish-like teeth; his nose is solid, aquiline; his chin projecting, +covered with a whitish down. Those thin lips have never once smiled. + +It is a regular, terrible, pitiless face! Moreover, the face of the +first youth,--of the beauty,--although it is sweet and charming, does +not express any compassion either. Around the head of the second are +fastened a few empty, broken ears of grain intertwined with withered +blades of grass. A coarse grey fabric encircles his loins; the wings at +his back, of a dull, dark-blue colour, wave softly and menacingly. + +Both youths appeared to be inseparable companions. + +Each leaned on the other's shoulder. The soft little hand of the first +rested like a cluster of grapes on the harsh collar-bone of the second; +the slender, bony hand of the second, with its long, thin fingers, lay +outspread, like a serpent, on the womanish breast of the first. + +And I heard a voice. This is what it uttered: + +"Before thee stand Love and Hunger---own brothers, the two fundamental +bases of everything living. + +"Everything which lives moves, for the purpose of obtaining food; and +eats, for the purpose of reproducing itself. + +"Love and Hunger have one and the same object; it is necessary that life +should not cease,--one's own life and the life of others are the same +thing, the universal life." + +August, 1878. + + + + +THE EGOIST + + +He possessed everything which was requisite to make him the scourge of +his family. + +He had been born healthy, he had been born rich--and during the whole +course of his long life he had remained rich and healthy; he had never +committed a single crime; he had never stumbled into any blunder; he had +not made a single slip of the tongue or mistake. + +He was irreproachably honest!... And proud in the consciousness of his +honesty, he crushed every one with it: relatives, friends, and +acquaintances. + +His honesty was his capital ... and he exacted usurious interest from +it. + +Honesty gave him the right to be pitiless and not to do any good deed +which was not prescribed;--and he was pitiless, and he did no good ... +because good except by decree is not good. + +He never troubled himself about any one, except his own very exemplary +self, and he was genuinely indignant if others did not take equally +assiduous care of it! + +And, at the same time, he did not consider himself an egoist, and +upbraided and persecuted egoists and egoism more than anything +else!--Of course! Egoism in other people interfered with his own. + +Not being conscious of a single failing, he did not understand, he did +not permit, a weakness in any one else. Altogether, he did not +understand anybody or anything, for he was completely surrounded by +himself on all sides, above and below, behind and before. + +He did not even understand the meaning of forgiveness. He never had had +occasion to forgive himself.... Then how was he to forgive others? + +Before the bar of his own conscience, before the face of his own God, +he, that marvel, that monster of virtue, rolled up his eyes, and in a +firm, clear voice uttered: "Yes; I am a worthy, a moral man!" + +He repeated these words on his death-bed, and nothing quivered even then +in his stony heart,--in that heart devoid of a fleck or a crack. + +O monstrosity of self-satisfied, inflexible, cheaply-acquired +virtue--thou art almost more repulsive than the undisguised monstrosity +of vice! + +December, 1878. + + + + +THE SUPREME BEING'S FEAST + + +One day the Supreme Being took it into his head to give a great feast in +his azure palace. + +He invited all the virtues as guests. Only the virtues ... he invited no +men ... only ladies. + +Very many of them assembled, great and small. The petty virtues were +more agreeable and courteous than the great ones; but all seemed well +pleased, and chatted politely among themselves, as befits near relatives +and friends. + +But lo! the Supreme Being noticed two very beautiful ladies who, +apparently, were entirely unacquainted with each other. + +The host took one of these ladies by the hand and led her to the other. + +"Beneficence!" said he, pointing to the first. + +"Gratitude!" he added, pointing to the second. + +The two virtues were unspeakably astonished; ever since the world has +existed--and it has existed a long time--they had never met before. + +December, 1878. + + + + +THE SPHINX + + +Yellowish-grey, friable at the top, firm below, creaking sand ... sand +without end, no matter in which direction one gazes! + +And above this sand, above this sea of dead dust, the huge head of the +Egyptian Sphinx rears itself aloft. + +What is it that those vast, protruding lips, those impassively-dilated, +up-turned nostrils, and those eyes, those long, half-sleepy, +half-watchful eyes, beneath the double arch of the lofty brows, are +trying to say? + +For they are trying to say something! They even speak--but only +[Oe]dipus can solve the riddle and understand their mute speech. + +Bah! Yes, I recognise those features ... there is nothing Egyptian about +the low white forehead, the prominent cheek-bones, the short, straight +nose, the fine mouth with its white teeth, the soft moustache and +curling beard,--and those small eyes set far apart ... and on the head +the cap of hair furrowed with a parting.... Why, it is thou, Karp, +Sídor, Semyón, thou petty peasant of Yaroslávl, or of Ryazán, my +fellow-countryman, the kernel of Russia! Is it long since thou didst +become the Sphinx? + +Or dost thou also wish to say something? Yes; and thou also art a +Sphinx. + +And thy eyes--those colourless but profound eyes--speak also.... And +their speeches are equally dumb and enigmatic. + +Only where is thine [Oe]dipus? + +Alas! 'Tis not sufficient to don a cap to become thine [Oe]dipus, O +Sphinx of All the Russias! + +December, 1878. + + + + +NYMPHS + + +I was standing in front of a chain of beautiful mountains spread out in +a semi-circle; the young, verdant forest clothed them from summit to +base. The southern sky hung transparently blue above us; on high the sun +beamed radiantly; below, half hidden in the grass, nimble brooks were +babbling. + +And there recurred to my mind an ancient legend about how, in the first +century after the birth of Christ, a Grecian ship was sailing over the +Aegean Sea. + +It was midday.... The weather was calm. And suddenly, high up, over the +head of the helmsman, some one uttered distinctly: "When thou shalt sail +past the islands, cry in a loud voice, 'Great Pan is dead!'" + +The helmsman was amazed ... and frightened. But when the ship ran past +the islands he called out: "Great Pan is dead!" + +And thereupon, immediately, in answer to his shout, along the whole +length of the shore (for the island was uninhabited), there resounded +loud sobbing groans, prolonged wailing cries: "He is dead! Great Pan is +dead!" + +This legend recurred to my mind ... and a strange thought flashed across +my brain.--"What if I were to shout that call?" + +But in view of the exultation which surrounded me I could not think of +death, and with all the force at my command I shouted: "He is risen! +Great Pan is risen!" + +And instantly,--oh, marvel!--in reply to my exclamation, along the whole +wide semi-circle of verdant mountains there rolled a vigorous laughter, +there arose a joyous chattering and splashing. "He is risen! Pan is +risen!" rustled youthful voices.--Everything there in front of me +suddenly broke into laughter more brilliant than the sun on high, more +sportive than the brooks which were babbling beneath the grass. The +hurried tramp of light footsteps became audible; athwart the green grove +flitted the marble whiteness of waving tunics, the vivid scarlet of +naked bodies.... It was nymphs, nymphs, dryads, bacchantes, running down +from the heights into the plain.... + +They made their appearance simultaneously along all the borders of the +forest. Curls fluttered on divine heads, graceful arms uplifted garlands +and cymbals, and laughter, sparkling, Olympian laughter, rippled and +rolled among them.... + +In front floats a goddess. She is taller and handsomer than all the +rest;--on her shoulders is a quiver; in her hands is a bow; upon her +curls, caught high, is the silvery sickle of the moon.... + +Diana, is it thou? + +But suddenly the goddess halted ... and immediately, following her +example, all the nymphs came to a halt also. The ringing laughter died +away. I saw how the face of the goddess, suddenly rendered dumb, became +covered with a deathly pallor; I saw how her feet grew petrified, how +inexpressible terror parted her lips, strained wide her eyes, which were +fixed on the remote distance.... What had she descried? Where was she +gazing? + +I turned in the direction in which she was gazing.... + +At the very edge of the sky, beyond the low line of the fields, a golden +cross was blazing like a spark of fire on the white belfry of a +Christian church.... The goddess had caught sight of that cross. + +I heard behind me a long, uneven sigh, like the throbbing of a broken +harp-string,--and when I turned round again, no trace of the nymphs +remained.... The broad forest gleamed green as before, and only in +spots, athwart the close network of the branches, could tufts of +something white be seen melting away. Whether these were the tunics of +the nymphs, or a vapour was rising up from the bottom of the valley, I +know not. + +But how I regretted the vanished goddesses! + +December, 1878. + + + + +ENEMY AND FRIEND + + +A captive condemned to perpetual incarceration broke out of prison and +started to run at a headlong pace.... After him, on his very heels, +darted the pursuit. + +He ran with all his might.... His pursuers began to fall behind. + +But lo! in front of him was a river with steep banks,--a narrow, but +deep river.... And he did not know how to swim! + +From one shore to the other a thin, rotten board had been thrown. The +fugitive had already set foot upon it.... But it so happened that just +at this point, beside the river, his best friend and his most cruel +enemy were standing. + +The enemy said nothing and merely folded his arms; on the other hand, +the friend shouted at the top of his voice:--"Good heavens! What art +thou doing? Come to thy senses, thou madman! Dost thou not see that +the board is completely rotten?--It will break beneath thy weight, and +thou wilt infallibly perish!" + +"But there is no other way of crossing ... and hearest thou the +pursuit?" groaned in desperation the unhappy wight, as he stepped upon +the board. + +"I will not permit it!... No, I will not permit thee to perish!"--roared +his zealous friend, snatching the plank from beneath the feet of the +fugitive.--The latter instantly tumbled headlong into the tumultuous +waters--and was drowned. + +The enemy smiled with satisfaction, and went his way; but the friend sat +down on the shore and began to weep bitterly over his poor ... poor +friend! + +"He would not heed me! He would not heed me!" he whispered dejectedly. + +"However!" he said at last. "He would have been obliged to languish all +his life in that frightful prison! At all events, he is not suffering +now! Now he is better off! Evidently, so had his Fate decreed! + +"And yet, it is a pity, from a human point of view!" + +And the good soul continued to sob inconsolably over his unlucky friend. + +December, 1878. + + + + +CHRIST + + +I saw myself as a youth, almost a little boy, in a low-ceiled country +church.--Slender wax tapers burned like red spots in front of the +ancient holy pictures. + +An aureole of rainbow hues encircled each tiny flame.--It was dark and +dim in the church.... But a mass of people stood in front of me. + +All reddish, peasant heads. From time to time they would begin to surge, +to fall, to rise again, like ripe ears of grain when the summer breeze +flits across them in a slow wave. + +Suddenly some man or other stepped from behind and took up his stand +alongside me. + +I did not turn toward him, but I immediately felt that that man +was--Christ. + +Emotion, curiosity, awe took possession of me simultaneously. I forced +myself to look at my neighbour. + +He had a face like that of everybody else,--a face similar to all human +faces. His eyes gazed slightly upward, attentively and gently. His lips +were closed, but not compressed; the upper lip seemed to rest upon the +lower; his small beard was parted in the middle. His hands were clasped, +and did not move. And his garments were like those of every one else. + +"Christ, forsooth!" I thought to myself. "Such a simple, simple man! It +cannot be!" + +I turned away.--But before I had time to turn my eyes from that simple +man it again seemed to me that it was Christ in person who was standing +beside me. + +Again I exerted an effort over myself.... And again I beheld the same +face, resembling all human faces, the same ordinary, although +unfamiliar, features. + +And suddenly dread fell upon me, and I came to myself. Only then did I +understand that precisely such a face--a face like all human faces--is +the face of Christ. + +December, 1878. + + + + + +II + +1879-1882 + + + + +THE STONE + + +Have you seen an old, old stone on the seashore, when the brisk waves +are beating upon it from all sides, at high tide, on a sunny spring +day--beating and sparkling and caressing it, and drenching its mossy +head with crumbling pearls of glittering foam? + +The stone remains the same stone, but brilliant colours start forth upon +its surly exterior. + +They bear witness to that distant time when the molten granite was only +just beginning to harden and was all glowing with fiery hues. + +Thus also did young feminine souls recently attack my old heart from all +quarters,--and beneath their caressing touch it glowed once more with +colours which faded long ago,--with traces of its pristine fire! + +The waves have retreated ... but the colours have not yet grown dim, +although a keen breeze is drying them. + +May, 1879. + + + + +DOVES + + +I was standing on the crest of a sloping hill; in front of me lay +outspread, and motley of hue, the ripe rye, now like a golden, again +like a silvery sea. + +But no surge was coursing across this sea; no sultry breeze was blowing; +a great thunder-storm was brewing. + +Round about me the sun was still shining hotly and dimly; but in the +distance, beyond the rye, not too far away, a dark-blue thunder-cloud +lay in a heavy mass over one half of the horizon. + +Everything was holding its breath ... everything was languishing beneath +the ominous gleam of the sun's last rays. Not a single bird was to be +seen or heard; even the sparrows had hidden themselves. Only somewhere, +close at hand, a solitary huge leaf of burdock was whispering and +flapping. + +How strongly the wormwood on the border-strips[75] smells! I glanced at +the blue mass ... and confusion ensued in my soul. "Well, be quick, +then, be quick!" I thought. "Flash out, ye golden serpent! Rumble, ye +thunder! Move on, advance, discharge thy water, thou evil thunder-cloud; +put an end to this painful torment!" + +But the storm-cloud did not stir. As before, it continued to crush the +dumb earth ... and seemed merely to wax larger and darker. + +And lo! through its bluish monotony there flashed something smooth and +even; precisely like a white handkerchief, or a snowball. It was a white +dove flying from the direction of the village. + +It flew, and flew onward, always straight onward ... and vanished behind +the forest. + +Several moments passed--the same cruel silence still reigned.... But +behold! Now _two_ handkerchiefs are fluttering, _two_ snowballs are +floating back; it is _two_ white doves wending their way homeward in +even flight. + +And now, at last, the storm has broken loose--and the fun begins! + +I could hardly reach home.--The wind shrieked and darted about like a +mad thing; low-hanging rusty-hued clouds swirled onward, as though rent +in bits; everything whirled, got mixed up, lashed and rocked with the +slanting columns of the furious downpour; the lightning flashes blinded +with their fiery green hue; abrupt claps of thunder were discharged like +cannon; there was a smell of sulphur.... + +But under the eaves, on the very edge of a garret window, side by side +sit the two white doves,--the one which flew after its companion, and +the one which it brought and, perhaps, saved. + +Both have ruffled up their plumage, and each feels with its wing the +wing of its neighbour.... + +It is well with them! And it is well with me as I gaze at them.... +Although I am alone ... alone, as always. + +May, 1879. + + + + +TO-MORROW! TO-MORROW! + + +How empty, and insipid, and insignificant is almost every day which we +have lived through! How few traces it leaves behind it! In what a +thoughtlessly-stupid manner have those hours flown past, one after +another! + +And, nevertheless, man desires to exist; he prizes life, he hopes in it, +in himself, in the future.... Oh, what blessings he expects from the +future! + +And why does he imagine that other future days will not resemble the one +which has just passed? + +But he does not imagine this. On the whole, he is not fond of +thinking--and it is well that he does not. + +"There, now, to-morrow, to-morrow!" he comforts himself--until that +"to-morrow" over-throws him into the grave. + +Well--and once in the grave,--one ceases, willy-nilly, to think. + +May, 1879. + + + + +NATURE + + +I dreamed that I had entered a vast subterranean chamber with a lofty, +arched roof. It was completely filled by some sort of even light, also +subterranean. + +In the very centre of the chamber sat a majestic woman in a flowing robe +green in hue. With her head bowed on her hand, she seemed to be immersed +in profound meditation. + +I immediately understood that this woman was Nature itself,--and +reverent awe pierced my soul with an instantaneous chill. + +I approached the seated woman, and making a respectful obeisance, "O our +common mother," I exclaimed, "what is the subject of thy meditation? Art +thou pondering the future destinies of mankind? As to how it is to +attain the utmost possible perfection and bliss?" + +The woman slowly turned her dark, lowering eyes upon me. Her lips moved, +and a stentorian voice, like unto the clanging of iron, rang out: + +"I am thinking how I may impart more power to the muscles in the legs of +a flea, so that it may more readily escape from its enemies. The +equilibrium of attack and defence has been destroyed.... It must be +restored." + +"What!" I stammered, in reply.--"So that is what thou art thinking +about? But are not we men thy favourite children?" + +The woman knit her brows almost imperceptibly.--"All creatures are my +children," she said, "and I look after all of them alike,--and I +annihilate them in identically the same way." + +"But good ... reason ... justice...." I stammered again. + +"Those are the words of men," rang out the iron voice. "I know neither +good nor evil.... Reason is no law to me--and what is justice?--I have +given thee life,--I take it away and give it to others; whether worms or +men ... it makes no difference to me.... But in the meantime, do thou +defend thyself, and hinder me not!" + +I was about to answer ... but the earth round about me uttered a dull +groan and trembled--and I awoke. + +August, 1879. + + + + +"HANG HIM!" + + +"It happened in the year 1803," began my old friend, "not long before +Austerlitz. The regiment of which I was an officer was quartered in +Moravia. + +"We were strictly forbidden to harry and oppress the inhabitants; and +they looked askance on us as it was, although we were regarded as +allies. + +"I had an orderly, a former serf of my mother's, Egór by name. He was an +honest and peaceable fellow; I had known him from his childhood and +treated him like a friend. + +"One day, in the house where I dwelt, abusive shrieks and howls arose: +the housewife had been robbed of two hens, and she accused my orderly of +the theft. He denied it, and called upon me to bear witness whether 'he, +Egór Avtamónoff, would steal!' I assured the housewife of Egór's +honesty, but she would listen to nothing. + +"Suddenly the energetic trampling of horses' hoofs resounded along the +street: it was the Commander-in-Chief himself riding by with his staff. +He was proceeding at a foot-pace,--a fat, pot-bellied man, with drooping +head and epaulets dangling on his breast. + +"The housewife caught sight of him, and flinging herself across his +horse's path, she fell on her knees and, all distraught, with head +uncovered, began loudly to complain of my orderly, pointing to him with +her hand: + +"'Sir General!' she shrieked. 'Your Radiance! Judge! Help! Save! This +soldier has robbed me!' + +"Egór was standing on the threshold of the house, drawn up in military +salute, with his cap in his hand,--and had even protruded his breast and +turned out his feet, like a sentry,--and not a word did he utter! +Whether he was daunted by all that mass of generals halting there in the +middle of the street, or whether he was petrified in the presence of the +calamity which had overtaken him,--at any rate, there stood my Egór +blinking his eyes, and white as clay! + +"The Commander-in-Chief cast an abstracted and surly glance at him, +bellowing wrathfully: 'Well, what hast thou to say?'.... Egór stood like +a statue and showed his teeth! If looked at in profile, it was exactly +as though the man were laughing. + +"Then the Commander-in-Chief said abruptly: 'Hang him!'--gave his horse +a dig in the ribs and rode on, first at a foot-pace, as before, then at +a brisk trot. The whole staff dashed after him; only one adjutant, +turning round in his saddle, took a close look at Egór. + +"It was impossible to disobey.... Egór was instantly seized and led to +execution. + +"Thereupon he turned deadly pale, and only exclaimed a couple of times, +with difficulty, 'Good heavens! Good heavens!'--and then, in a low +voice--'God sees it was not I!' + +"He wept bitterly, very bitterly, as he bade me farewell. I was in +despair.--'Egór! Egór!' I cried, 'why didst thou say nothing to the +general?' + +"'God sees it was not I,' repeated the poor fellow, sobbing.--The +housewife herself was horrified. She had not in the least expected such +a dreadful verdict, and fell to shrieking in her turn. She began to +entreat each and all to spare him, she declared that her hens had been +found, that she was prepared to explain everything herself.... + +"Of course, this was of no use whatsoever. Military regulations, sir! +Discipline!--The housewife sobbed more and more loudly. + +"Egór, whom the priest had already confessed and communicated, turned to +me: + +"'Tell her, Your Well-Born, that she must not do herself an injury.... +For I have already forgiven her.'" + +As my friend repeated these last words of his servant, he whispered: +"Egórushka[76] darling, just man!"--and the tears dripped down his aged +cheeks. + +August, 1879. + + + + +WHAT SHALL I THINK?... + + +What shall I think when I come to die,--if I am then in a condition to +think? + +Shall I think what a bad use I have made of my life, how I have dozed +it through, how I have not known how to relish its gifts? + +"What? Is this death already? So soon? Impossible! Why, I have not +succeeded in accomplishing anything yet.... I have only been preparing +to act!" + +Shall I recall the past, pause over the thought of the few bright +moments I have lived through, over beloved images and faces? + +Will my evil deeds present themselves before my memory, and will the +corrosive grief of a belated repentance descend upon my soul? + +Shall I think of what awaits me beyond the grave ... yes, and whether +anything at all awaits me there? + +No ... it seems to me that I shall try not to think, and shall compel my +mind to busy itself with some nonsense or other, if only to divert my +own attention from the menacing darkness which looms up black ahead. + +In my presence one dying person kept complaining that they would not +give him red-hot nuts to gnaw ... and only in the depths of his dimming +eyes was there throbbing and palpitating something, like the wing of a +bird wounded unto death.... + +August, 1879. + + + + +"HOW FAIR, HOW FRESH WERE THE ROSES" + + +Somewhere, some time, long, long ago, I read a poem. I speedily forgot +it ... but its first line lingered in my memory: + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +It is winter now; the window-panes are coated with ice; in the warm +chamber a single candle is burning. I am sitting curled up in one +corner; and in my brain there rings and rings: + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +And I behold myself in front of the low window of a Russian house in the +suburbs. The summer evening is melting and merging into night, there is +a scent of mignonette and linden-blossoms abroad in the warm air;--and +in the window, propped on a stiffened arm, and with her head bent on her +shoulder, sits a young girl, gazing mutely and intently at the sky, as +though watching for the appearance of the first stars. How ingenuously +inspired are the thoughtful eyes; how touchingly innocent are the +parted, questioning lips; how evenly breathes her bosom, not yet fully +developed and still unagitated by anything; how pure and tender are the +lines of the young face! I do not dare to address her, but how dear she +is to me, how violently my heart beats! + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +And in the room everything grows darker and darker.... The candle which +has burned low begins to flicker; white shadows waver across the low +ceiling; the frost creaks and snarls beyond the wall--and I seem to hear +a tedious, senile whisper: + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +Other images rise up before me.... I hear the merry murmur of family, of +country life. Two red-gold little heads, leaning against each other, +gaze bravely at me with their bright eyes; the red cheeks quiver with +suppressed laughter; their hands are affectionately intertwined; their +young, kind voices ring out, vying with each other; and a little further +away, in the depths of a snug room, other hands, also young, are flying +about, with fingers entangled, over the keys of a poor little old piano, +and the Lanner waltz cannot drown the grumbling of the patriarchal +samovár.... + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +The candle flares up and dies out.... Who is that coughing yonder so +hoarsely and dully? Curled up in a ring, my aged dog, my sole companion, +is nestling and quivering at my feet.... I feel cold.... I am shivering +... and they are all dead ... all dead.... + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses." + +Septembers 1879. + + + + +A SEA VOYAGE + + +I sailed from Hamburg to London on a small steamer. There were two of us +passengers: I and a tiny monkey, a female of the ouistiti breed, which a +Hamburg merchant was sending as a gift to his English partner. + +She was attached by a slender chain to one of the benches on the deck, +and threw herself about and squeaked plaintively, like a bird. + +Every time I walked past she stretched out to me her black, cold little +hand, and gazed at me with her mournful, almost human little eyes.--I +took her hand, and she ceased to squeak and fling herself about. + +There was a dead calm. The sea spread out around us in a motionless +mirror of leaden hue. It seemed small; a dense fog lay over it, +shrouding even the tips of the masts, and blinding and wearying the eyes +with its soft gloom. The sun hung like a dim red spot in this gloom; but +just before evening it became all aflame and glowed mysteriously and +strangely scarlet. + +Long, straight folds, like the folds of heavy silken fabrics, flowed +away from the bow of the steamer, one after another, growing ever wider, +wrinkling and broadening, becoming smoother at last, swaying and +vanishing. The churned foam swirled under the monotonous beat of the +paddle-wheels; gleaming white like milk, and hissing faintly, it was +broken up into serpent-like ripples, and then flowed together at a +distance, and vanished likewise, swallowed up in the gloom. + +A small bell at the stern jingled as incessantly and plaintively as the +squeaking cry of the monkey. + +Now and then a seal came to the surface, and turning an abrupt +somersault, darted off beneath the barely-disturbed surface. + +And the captain, a taciturn man with a surly, sunburned face, smoked a +short pipe and spat angrily into the sea, congealed in impassivity. + +To all my questions he replied with an abrupt growl. I was compelled, +willy-nilly, to have recourse to my solitary fellow-traveller--the +monkey. + +I sat down beside her; she ceased to whine, and again stretched out her +hand to me. + +The motionless fog enveloped us both with a soporific humidity; and +equally immersed in one unconscious thought, we remained there side by +side, like blood-relatives. + +I smile now ... but then another feeling reigned in me. + +We are all children of one mother--and it pleased me that the poor +little beastie should quiet down so confidingly and nestle up to me, as +though to a relative. + +November, 1879. + + + + +N. N. + + +Gracefully and quietly dost thou walk along the path of life, without +tears and without smiles, barely animated by an indifferent attention. + +Thou art kind and clever ... and everything is alien to thee--and no one +is necessary to thee. + +Thou art very beautiful--and no one can tell whether thou prizest thy +beauty or not.--Thou art devoid of sympathy thyself and demandest no +sympathy. + +Thy gaze is profound, and not thoughtful; emptiness lies in that bright +depth. + +Thus do the stately shades pass by without grief and without joy in the +Elysian Fields, to the dignified sounds of Gluck's melodies. + +November, 1879. + + + + +STAY! + + +Stay! As I now behold thee remain thou evermore in my memory! + +From thy lips the last inspired sound hath burst forth--thine eyes do +not gleam and flash, they are dusky, weighted with happiness, with the +blissful consciousness of that beauty to which thou hast succeeded in +giving expression,--of that beauty in quest of which thou stretchest +forth, as it were, thy triumphant, thine exhausted hands! + +What light, more delicate and pure than the sunlight, hath been diffused +over all thy limbs, over the tiniest folds of thy garments? + +What god, with his caressing inflatus, hath tossed back thy dishevelled +curls? + +His kiss burneth on thy brow, grown pale as marble! + +Here it is--the open secret, the secret of poetry, of life, of love! +Here it is, here it is--immortality! There is no other immortality--and +no other is needed.--At this moment thou art deathless. + +I will pass,--and again thou art a pinch of dust, a woman, a child.... +But what is that to thee!--At this moment thou hast become loftier than +all transitory, temporal things, thou hast stepped out of their +sphere.--This _thy_ moment will never end. + +Stay! And let me be the sharer of thy immortality, drop into my soul the +reflection of thine eternity! + +November, 1879. + + + + +THE MONK + + +I used to know a monk, a hermit, a saint. He lived on the sweetness of +prayer alone,--and as he quaffed it, he knelt so long on the cold floor +of the church that his legs below the knee swelled and became like +posts. He had no sensation in them, he knelt--and prayed. + +I understood him--and, perhaps, I envied him; but let him also +understand me and not condemn me--me, to whom his joys are inaccessible. + +He strove to annihilate himself, his hated _ego_; but the fact that I do +not pray does not arise from self-conceit. + +My ego is, perchance, even more burdensome and repulsive to me than his +is to him. + +He found a means of forgetting himself ... and I find a means to do the +same, but not so constantly. + +He does not lie ... and neither do I lie. + +November, 1879. + + + + +WE SHALL STILL FIGHT ON! + + +What an insignificant trifle can sometimes put the whole man back in +tune! + +Full of thought, I was walking one day along the highway. + +Heavy forebodings oppressed my breast; melancholy seized hold upon me. + +I raised my head.... Before me, between two rows of lofty poplars, the +road stretched out into the distance. + +Across it, across that same road, a whole little family of sparrows was +hopping, hopping boldly, amusingly, confidently! + +One of them in particular fairly set his wings akimbo, thrusting out his +crop, and twittering audaciously, as though the very devil was no match +for him! A conqueror--and that is all there is to be said. + +But in the meantime, high up in the sky, was soaring a hawk who, +possibly, was fated to devour precisely that same conqueror. + +I looked, laughed, shook myself--and the melancholy thoughts instantly +fled. I felt daring, courage, a desire for life. + +And let _my_ hawk soar over _me_ if he will.... + +"We will still fight on, devil take it!" + +November, 1879. + + + + +PRAYER + + +No matter what a man may pray for he is praying for a miracle.--Every +prayer amounts to the following: "Great God, cause that two and two may +not make four." + +Only such a prayer is a genuine prayer from a person to a person. To +pray to the Universal Spirit, to the Supreme Being of Kant, of Hegel--to +a purified, amorphous God, is impossible and unthinkable. + +But can even a personal, living God with a form cause that two and two +shall not make four? + +Every believer is bound to reply, "He can," and is bound to convince +himself of this. + +But what if his reason revolts against such an absurdity? + +In that case Shakspeare will come to his assistance: "There are many +things in the world, friend Horatio...." and so forth. + +And if people retort in the name of truth,--all he has to do is to +repeat the famous question: "What is truth?" + +And therefore, let us drink and be merry--and pray. + +July, 1881. + + + + +THE RUSSIAN LANGUAGE + + +In days of doubt, in days of painful meditations concerning the +destinies of my fatherland, thou alone art my prop and my support, O +great, mighty, just and free Russian language!--Were it not for thee, +how could one fail to fall into despair at the sight of all that goes on +at home?--But it is impossible to believe that such a language was not +bestowed upon a great people! + +June, 1882. + + + + + + +ENDNOTES: + + +[1] See endnote to "Old Portraits," in this volume.--TRANSLATOR. + +[2] The Vigil-service (consisting of Vespers and Matins, or Compline and +Matins) may be celebrated in unconsecrated buildings, and the devout not +infrequently have it, as well as prayer-services, at home.--TRANSLATOR. + +[3] Meaning the odour of the oil which must be used in preparing food, +instead of butter, during the numerous fasts.--TRANSLATOR. + +[4] The custom of thus dressing up as bears, clowns, and so forth, and +visiting all the houses in the neighbourhood, is still kept up in rustic +localities. St. Vasíly's (Basil's) day falls on January 1.--TRANSLATOR. + +[5] An arshín is twenty-eight inches.--TRANSLATOR + +[6] A park for popular resort in the suburbs of Moscow.--TRANSLATOR + +[7] Incorrectly written for Poltáva.--TRANSLATOR + +[8] The fatter the coachman, the more stylish he is. If he is not fat +naturally, he adds cushions under his coat.--TRANSLATOR. + +[9] That is, to the Trinity monastery of the first class founded by St. +Sergius in 1340. It is situated about forty miles from Moscow, and is +the most famous monastery in the country next to the Catacombs Monastery +at Kíeff.--TRANSLATOR. + +[10] Pronounced _Aryól_.--TRANSLATOR. + +[11] Such a sledge, drawn by the national team of three horses, will +hold five or six persons closely packed.--TRANSLATOR. + +[12] The word he used, _mytárstvo_, has a peculiar meaning. It refers +specifically to the experiences of the soul when it leaves the body. +According to the teaching of divers ancient fathers of the church, the +soul, as soon as it leaves the body, is confronted by accusing demons, +who arraign it with all the sins, great and small, which it has +committed during its earthly career. If its good deeds, alms, prayers, +and so forth (added to the grace of God), offset the evil, the demons +are forced to renounce their claims. These demons assault the soul in +relays, each "trial," "suffering," or "tribulation" being a _mytárstvo_. +One ancient authority enumerates twenty such trials. The soul is +accompanied and defended in its trials by angels, who plead its cause. +Eventually, they conduct it into the presence of God, who then assigns +to it a temporary abode of bliss or woe until the day of judgment. The +derivation of this curious and utterly untranslatable word is as +follows: _Mytár_ means a publican or tax-gatherer. As the publicans, +under the Roman sway over the Jews, indulged in various sorts of +violence, abuses, and inhuman conduct, calling every one to strict +account, and even stationing themselves at the city gates to intercept +all who came and went, _mytárstvo_ represents, in general, the taxing or +testing of the soul, which must pay a ransom before it is released from +its trials and preliminary tribulations.--TRANSLATOR. + +[13] A folk-tale narrates how the Tzar Arkhídei obtained his beauteous +bride by the aid of seven brothers called "The Seven Semyóns," who were +his peasants. The bride was distant a ten years' journey; but each of +the brothers had a different "trade," by the combined means of which +they were enabled to overcome time and space and get the bride for their +master.--TRANSLATOR. + +[14] The word used in Russian indicates not only that he was a +hereditary noble, but that his nobility was ancient--a matter of some +moment in a country where nobility, both personal and hereditary, can be +won in the service of the state.--TRANSLATOR. + +[15] The change to _thou_ is made to express disrespect.--TRANSLATOR. + +[16] A simple card-game.--TRANSLATOR. + +[17] The word used is _popadyá_, the feminine form of _pop(e)_, or +priest. _Svyashtchénnik_ is, however, more commonly used for priest. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[18] June 29 (O. S.), July 12 (N. S.).--TRANSLATOR. + +[19] In former days the sons of priests generally became priests. It is +still so, in a measure.--TRANSLATOR. + +[20] Therefore, there would be no one to maintain his widow and +daughters, unless some young man could be found to marry one of the +daughters, be ordained, take the parish, and assume the support of the +family.--TRANSLATOR. + +[21] Parish priests (the White Clergy) must marry before they are +ordained sub-deacon, and are not allowed to remarry in the Holy Catholic +Church of the East.--TRANSLATOR. + +[22] A sourish, non-intoxicating beverage, prepared by putting water on +rye meal or the crusts of sour black rye bread and allowing it to +ferment.--TRANSLATOR. + +[23] One of the ancient religious ballads sung by the "wandering +cripples." Joseph (son of Jacob) is called by this appellation, and also +a "tzarévitch," or king's son. For a brief account of these ballads see: +"The Epic Songs of Russia" (Introduction), and Chapter I in "A Survey of +Russian Literature" (I. F. Hapgood). This particular ballad is mentioned +on page 22 of the last-named book.--TRANSLATOR. + +(N.B. This note is placed here because there is no other book in English +where any information whatever can be had concerning these ballads or +this ballad.--I.F.H.) + +[24] Ecclesiastics are regarded as plebeians by the gentry or nobles in +Russia.--TRANSLATOR. + +[25] In the Catholic Church of the East the communion is received +fasting. A little to one side of the priest stands a cleric holding a +platter of blessed bread, cut in small bits, and a porringer of warm +water and wine, which (besides their symbolical significance) are taken +by each communicant after the Holy Elements, in order that there may be +something interposed between the sacrament and ordinary +food.--TRANSLATOR. + +[26] That is, the particle of bread dipped in the wine, which is +placed in the mouth by the priest with the sacramental spoon. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[27] Turgénieff labelled this story and "A Reckless Character," +"Fragments from My Own Memoirs and Those of Other People." In a +foot-note he begs the reader not to mistake the "I" for the author's own +personality, as it was adopted merely for convenience of +narration.--TRANSLATOR. + +[28] The Russian expression is: "A black cat had run between +them."--TRANSLATOR. + +[29] In Russia a partial second story, over the centre, or the centre +and ends of the main story, is called thus.--TRANSLATOR. + +[30] In Russian houses the "hall" is a combined ball-room, music-room, +play-room, and exercising-ground; not the entrance hall.--TRANSLATOR. + +[31] We should call such a watch a "turnip."--TRANSLATOR. + +[32] The author is slightly sarcastic in the name he has chosen for this +family, which is derived from _telyéga_, a peasant-cart.--TRANSLATOR. + +[33] St. Petersburg.--TRANSLATOR. + +[34] Both these are bad omens, according to superstitious +Russians.--TRANSLATOR. + +[35] Priests and monks in Russia wear their hair and beards long to +resemble the pictures of Christ. Missionaries in foreign lands are +permitted to conform to the custom of the country and cut it +short.--TRANSLATOR. + +[36] "Had been educated on copper coins" is the Russian expression. That +is, had received a cheap education.--TRANSLATOR. + +[37] The nickname generally applied by the Little Russians to the Great +Russians.--TRANSLATOR. + +[38] The racing-drozhky is frequently used in the country. It consists +of a plank, without springs, mounted on four small wheels of equal size. +The driver sits flat on the plank, which may or may not be +upholstered.--TRANSLATOR. + +[39] The baptismal cross.--TRANSLATOR. + +[40] The bath-besom is made of birch-twigs with the leaves attached, and +is soaked in hot water (or in beer) to keep it soft. The massage +administered with the besom is delightful. The peasants often use besoms +of nettles, as a luxury. The shredded linden bark is used as a +sponge.--TRANSLATOR. + +[41] The great manoeuvre plain, near which the Moscow garrison is +lodged, in the vicinity of Petróvsky Park and Palace. Here the disaster +took place during the coronation festivities of the present +Emperor.--TRANSLATOR. + +[42] It is very rarely that a bishop performs the marriage ceremony. All +bishops are monks; and monks are not supposed to perform ceremonies +connected with the things which they have renounced. The exceptions are +when monks are appointed parish priests (as in some of the American +parishes, for instance), and, therefore, must fulfil the obligations of +a married parish priest; or when the chaplain-monk on war-ships is +called upon, at times, to minister to scattered Orthodox, in a port +which has no settled priest.--TRANSLATOR. + +[43] The Order of St. George, with its black and orange ribbon, must be +won by great personal bravery--like the Victoria Cross.--TRANSLATOR. + +[44] Head of the Secret Service under Alexander I.--TRANSLATOR. + +[45] That is, living too long.--TRANSLATOR. + +[46] _Sukhóy_, dry; _Sukhíkh_, genitive plural (proper names are +declinable), meaning, "one of the Sukhóys."--TRANSLATOR. + +[47] The third from the top in the Table of Ranks instituted by Peter +the Great.--TRANSLATOR. + +[48] Corresponding, in a measure, to an American State.--TRANSLATOR. + +[49] The Great Russians' scornful nickname for a Little +Russian.--TRANSLATOR. + +[50] Each coachman has his own pair or tróika of horses to attend to, +and has nothing to do with any other horses which may be in the +stable.--TRANSLATOR. + +[51] Yákoff (James) Daniel Bruce, a Russian engineer, of Scottish +extraction, born in Moscow, 1670, became Grand Master of the Artillery +in 1711, and died in 1735.--TRANSLATOR. + +[52] The great cathedral in commemoration of the Russian triumph in +the war of 1812, which was begun in 1837, and completed in 1883. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[53] _Nyémetz_, "the dumb one," meaning any one unable to speak Russian +(hence, any foreigner), is the specific word for a German.--TRANSLATOR. + +[54] Short for Nízhni Nóvgorod.--TRANSLATOR. + +[55] The famous letter from the heroine, Tatyána, to the hero, Evgény +Onyégin, in Pushkin's celebrated poem. The music to the opera of the +same name, which has this poem for its basis, is by Tchaikóvsky. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[56] Advertisements of theatres, concerts, and amusements in general, +are not published in the daily papers, but in an _affiche_, printed +every morning, for which a separate subscription is necessary. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[57] M. E. Saltikóff wrote his famous satires under the name of +Shtchedrín.--TRANSLATOR. + +[58] The Little Russians (among other peculiarities of pronunciation +attached to their dialect) use the guttural instead of the clear +_i_.--TRANSLATOR. + +[59] A bishop or priest in the Russian Church is not supposed to speak +loudly, no matter how fine a voice he may possess. The deacon, on the +contrary, or the proto-deacon (attached to a cathedral) is supposed to +have a huge voice, and, especially at certain points, to roar at the top +of his lungs. He sometimes cracks his voice--which is what the +sympathetic neighbour was hinting at here.--TRANSLATOR. + +[60] An image, or holy picture, is _óbraz_; the adjective "cultured" is +derived from the same word in its sense of pattern, model--_obrazóvanny_. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[61] Ostróvsky's comedies of life in the merchant class are irresistibly +amusing, talented, and true to nature.--TRANSLATOR. + +[62] Turgénieff probably means Grúsha (another form for the diminutive +of Agrippína, in Russian Agrafénya). The play is "Live as You +Can."--TRANSLATOR. + +[63] A full gown gathered into a narrow band just under the armpits and +suspended over the shoulders by straps of the same.--TRANSLATOR. + +[64] The eighth from the top in the Table of Ranks won by service to the +state, which Peter the Great instituted. A sufficiently high grade in +that table confers hereditary nobility; the lower grades carry only +personal nobility.--TRANSLATOR. + +[65] The long Tatár coat, with large sleeves, and flaring, bias +skirts.---TRANSLATOR. + +[66] See note on page 24.--TRANSLATOR. + +[67] Diminutives of Yákoff, implying great affection.--TRANSLATOR. + +[68] Mikhaíl Stasiulévitch.--TRANSLATOR. + +[69] The favourite decoration in rustic architecture.--TRANSLATOR. + +[70] These lines do not rhyme in the original.--TRANSLATOR. + +[71] "The white-handed man" would be the literal +translation.--TRANSLATOR. + +[72] The pretty name for what we call mullein.--TRANSLATOR. + +[73] That is, made without meat.--TRANSLATOR. + +[74] The ideal bearing in church is described as standing "like a +candle"; that is, very straight and motionless.--TRANSLATOR. + +[75] Strips of grass left as boundaries between the tilled fields +allotted to different peasants.--TRANSLATOR. + +[76] The affectionate diminutive.--TRANSLATOR. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Reckless Character, by Ivan Turgenev + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A RECKLESS CHARACTER *** + +***** This file should be named 15994-8.txt or 15994-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/5/9/9/15994/ + +Produced by Dave Kline, Tapio Riikonen and PG Distributed Proofreaders + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/15994-8.zip b/15994-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ea7a612 --- /dev/null +++ b/15994-8.zip diff --git a/15994.txt b/15994.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7788eab --- /dev/null +++ b/15994.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10233 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Reckless Character, by Ivan Turgenev + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Reckless Character + And Other Stories + +Author: Ivan Turgenev + +Translator: Isabel Hapgood + +Release Date: June 6, 2005 [EBook #15994] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A RECKLESS CHARACTER *** + + + + +Produced by Dave Kline, Tapio Riikonen and PG Distributed Proofreaders + + + + + +A RECKLESS CHARACTER + +And Other Stories + + +BY + +IVAN TURGENIEFF + + +Translated from the Russian by +ISABEL F. HAPGOOD + + +NEW YORK, CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS, 1907. + + + +CONTENTS: + +A RECKLESS CHARACTER +THE DREAM +FATHER ALEXYEI'S STORY +OLD PORTRAITS +THE SONG OF LOVE TRIUMPHANT +CLARA MILITCH +POEMS IN PROSE +ENDNOTES + + + + + + +A RECKLESS CHARACTER[1] + +(1881) + + + + +I + + +There were eight of us in the room, and we were discussing contemporary +matters and persons, + +"I do not understand these gentlemen!" remarked A.--"They are fellows of +a reckless sort.... Really, desperate.... There has never been anything +of the kind before." + +"Yes, there has," put in P., a grey-haired old man, who had been born +about the twenties of the present century;--"there were reckless men in +days gone by also. Some one said of the poet Yazykoff, that he had +enthusiasm which was not directed to anything, an objectless enthusiasm; +and it was much the same with those people--their recklessness was +without an object. But see here, if you will permit me, I will narrate +to you the story of my grandnephew, Misha Polteff. It may serve as a +sample of the recklessness of those days." + +He made his appearance in God's daylight in the year 1828, I remember, +on his father's ancestral estate, in one of the most remote nooks of a +remote government of the steppes. I still preserve a distinct +recollection of Misha's father, Andrei Nikolaevitch Polteff. He was a +genuine, old-fashioned landed proprietor, a pious inhabitant of the +steppes, sufficiently well educated,--according to the standards of that +epoch,--rather crack-brained, if the truth must be told, and subject, in +addition, to epileptic fits.... That also is an old-fashioned malady.... +However, Andrei Nikolaevitch's attacks were quiet, and they generally +terminated in a sleep and in a fit of melancholy.--He was kind of heart, +courteous in manner, not devoid of some pomposity: I have always +pictured to myself the Tzar Mikhail Feodorovitch as just that sort of a +man. + +Andrei Nikolaevitch's whole life flowed past in the punctual discharge +of all the rites established since time immemorial, in strict conformity +with all the customs of ancient-orthodox, Holy-Russian life. He rose and +went to bed, he ate and went to the bath, he waxed merry or wrathful (he +did both the one and the other rarely, it is true), he even smoked his +pipe, he even played cards (two great innovations!), not as suited his +fancy, not after his own fashion, but in accordance with the rule and +tradition handed down from his ancestors, in proper and dignified style. +He himself was tall of stature, of noble mien and brawny; he had a +quiet and rather hoarse voice, as is frequently the case with virtuous +Russians; he was neat about his linen and his clothing, wore white +neckerchiefs and long-skirted coats of snuff-brown hue, but his noble +blood made itself manifest notwithstanding; no one would have taken him +for a priest's son or a merchant! Andrei Nikolaevitch always knew, in +all possible circumstances and encounters, precisely how he ought to act +and exactly what expressions he must employ; he knew when he ought to +take medicine, and what medicine to take, which symptoms he should heed +and which might be disregarded ... in a word, he knew everything that it +was proper to do.... It was as though he said: "Everything has been +foreseen and decreed by the old men--the only thing is not to devise +anything of your own.... And the chief thing of all is, don't go even as +far as the threshold without God's blessing!"--I am bound to admit that +deadly tedium reigned in his house, in those low-ceiled, warm, dark +rooms which so often resounded from the chanting of vigils and +prayer-services,[2] with an odour of incense and fasting-viands,[3] +which almost never left them! + +Andrei Nikolaevitch had married, when he was no longer in his first +youth, a poor young noblewoman of the neighbourhood, a very nervous and +sickly person, who had been reared in one of the government institutes +for gentlewomen. She played far from badly on the piano; she spoke +French in boarding-school fashion; she was given to enthusiasm, and +still more addicted to melancholy, and even to tears.... In a word, she +was of an uneasy character. As she considered that her life had been +ruined, she could not love her husband, who, "as a matter of course," +did not understand her; but she respected, she tolerated him; and as she +was a thoroughly honest and perfectly cold being, she never once so much +as thought of any other "object." Moreover, she was constantly engrossed +by anxieties: in the first place, over her really feeble health; in the +second place, over the health of her husband, whose fits always inspired +her with something akin to superstitious terror; and, in conclusion, +over her only son, Misha, whom she reared herself with great zeal. +Andrei Nikolaevitch did not prevent his wife's busying herself with +Misha--but on one condition: she was never, under any circumstances, to +depart from the limits, which had been defined once for all, wherein +everything in his house must revolve! Thus, for example: during the +Christmas holidays and Vasily's evening preceding the New Year, Misha +was not only permitted to dress up in costume along with the other +"lads,"--doing so was even imposed upon him as an obligation....[4] +On the other hand, God forbid that he should do it at any other time! +And so forth, and so forth. + + + + +II + + +I remember this Misha at the age of thirteen. He was a very comely lad +with rosy little cheeks and soft little lips (and altogether he was soft +and plump), with somewhat prominent, humid eyes; carefully brushed and +coifed--a regular little girl!--There was only one thing about him which +displeased me: he laughed rarely; but when he did laugh his teeth, which +were large, white, and pointed like those of a wild animal, displayed +themselves unpleasantly; his very laugh had a sharp and even +fierce--almost brutal--ring to it; and evil flashes darted athwart his +eyes. His mother always boasted of his being so obedient and polite, and +that he was not fond of consorting with naughty boys, but always was +more inclined to feminine society. + +"He is his mother's son, an effeminate fellow," his father, Andrei +Nikolaevitch, was wont to say of him:--"but, on the other hand, he +likes to go to God's church.... And that delights me." + +Only one old neighbour, a former commissary of the rural police, once +said in my presence concerning Misha:--"Good gracious! he will turn out +a rebel." And I remember that that word greatly surprised me at the +time. The former commissary of police, it is true, had a habit of +descrying rebels everywhere. + +Just this sort of exemplary youth did Misha remain until the age of +eighteen,--until the death of his parents, whom he lost on almost one +and the same day. As I resided constantly in Moscow, I heard nothing +about my young relative. Some one who came to town from his government +did, it is true, inform me that Misha had sold his ancestral estate for +a song; but this bit of news seemed to me altogether too +incredible!--And lo! suddenly, one autumn morning, into the courtyard of +my house dashes a calash drawn by a pair of splendid trotters, with a +monstrous coachman on the box; and in the calash, wrapped in a cloak of +military cut with a two-arshin[5] beaver collar, and a fatigue-cap over +one ear--_a la diable m'emporte_--sits Misha! + +On catching sight of me (I was standing at the drawing-room window and +staring in amazement at the equipage which had dashed in), he burst into +his sharp laugh, and jauntily shaking the lapels of his cloak, he +sprang out of the calash and ran into the house. + +"Misha! Mikhail Andreevitch!" I was beginning ... "is it you?" + +"Call me 'thou' and 'Misha,'" he interrupted me.--"'Tis I ... 'tis I, in +person.... I have come to Moscow ... to take a look at people ... and to +show myself. So I have dropped in on you.--What do you think of my +trotters?... Hey?" Again he laughed loudly. + +Although seven years had elapsed since I had seen Misha for the last +time, yet I recognised him on the instant.--His face remained thoroughly +youthful and as comely as of yore; his moustache had not even sprouted; +but under his eyes on his cheeks a puffiness had made its appearance, +and an odour of liquor proceeded from his mouth. + +"And hast thou been long in Moscow?" I inquired.--"I supposed that thou +wert off there in the country, managing thy estate...." + +"Eh! I immediately got rid of the village!--As soon as my parents +died,--may the kingdom of heaven be theirs,"--(Misha crossed himself +with sincerity, without the slightest hypocrisy)--"I instantly, without +the slightest delay ... _ein, zwei, drei_! Ha-ha! I let it go cheap, the +rascally thing! Such a scoundrel turned up.--Well, never mind! At all +events, I shall live at my ease--and amuse others.--But why do you stare +at me so?--Do you really think that I ought to have spun the affair out +indefinitely?... My dear relative, can't I have a drink?" + +Misha talked with frightful rapidity, hurriedly and at the same time as +though half asleep. + +"Good mercy, Misha!"--I shouted: "Have the fear of God before thine +eyes! How dreadful is thine aspect, in what a condition thou art! And +thou wishest another drink! And to sell such a fine estate for a +song!..." + +"I always fear God and remember him," he caught me up.--"And he 's +good--God, I mean.... He'll forgive! And I also am good.... I have never +injured any one in my life as yet. And a drink is good also; and as for +hurting ... it won't hurt anybody, either. And as for my looks, they are +all right.... If thou wishest, uncle, I'll walk a line on the floor. Or +shall I dance a bit?" + +"Akh, please drop that!--What occasion is there for dancing? Thou hadst +better sit down." + +"I don't mind sitting down.... But why don't you say something about my +greys? Just look at them, they're regular lions! I'm hiring them for the +time being, but I shall certainly buy them together with the coachman. +It is incomparably cheaper to own one's horses. And I did have the +money, but I dropped it last night at faro.--Never mind, I'll retrieve +my fortunes to-morrow. Uncle ... how about that drink?" + +I still could not collect myself.--"Good gracious! Misha, how old art +thou? Thou shouldst not be occupying thyself with horses, or with +gambling ... thou shouldst enter the university or the service." + +Misha first roared with laughter again, then he emitted a prolonged +whistle. + +"Well, uncle, I see that thou art in a melancholy frame of mind just +now. I'll call another time.--But see here: just look in at Sokolniki[6] +some evening. I have pitched my tent there. The Gipsies sing.... Well, +well! One can hardly restrain himself! And on the tent there is a +pennant, and on the pennant is written in bi-i-ig letters: 'The Band of +Polteva[7] Gipsies.' The pennant undulates like a serpent; the letters +are gilded; any one can easily read them. The entertainment is whatever +any one likes!... They refuse nothing. It has kicked up a dust all over +Moscow ... my respects.... Well? Will you come? I've got a Gipsy +there--a regular asp! Black as my boot, fierce as a dog, and eyes ... +regular coals of fire! One can't possibly make out whether she is +kissing or biting.... Will you come, uncle?... Well, farewell for the +present!" + +And abruptly embracing me and kissing me with a smack on my shoulder, +Misha darted out into the court to his calash, waving his cap over his +head, and uttering a yell; the monstrous coachman[8] bestowed upon him +an oblique glance across his beard, the trotters dashed forward, and all +disappeared! + +On the following day, sinful man that I am, I did go to Sokolniki, and +actually did see the tent with the pennant and the inscription. The +tent-flaps were raised; an uproar, crashing, squealing, proceeded +thence. A crowd of people thronged around it. On the ground, on an +outspread rug, sat the Gipsy men and Gipsy women, singing, and thumping +tambourines; and in the middle of them, with a guitar in his hands, clad +in a red-silk shirt and full trousers of velvet, Misha was gyrating like +a whirligig.--"Gentlemen! Respected sirs! Pray enter! The performance is +about to begin! Free!"--he was shouting in a cracked voice.--"Hey there! +Champagne! Bang! In the forehead! On the ceiling! Akh, thou rascal, Paul +de Kock!"--Luckily, he did not catch sight of me, and I hastily beat a +retreat. + +I shall not dilate, gentlemen, on my amazement at the sight of such a +change. And, as a matter of fact, how could that peaceable, modest lad +suddenly turn into a tipsy good-for-nothing? Was it possible that all +this had been concealed within him since his childhood, and had +immediately come to the surface as soon as the weight of parental +authority had been removed from him?--And that he had kicked up a dust +in Moscow, as he had expressed it, there could be no possible doubt, +either. I had seen rakes in my day; but here something frantic, some +frenzy of self-extermination, some sort of recklessness, had made itself +manifest! + + + + +III + + +This diversion lasted for two months.... And lo! again I am standing at +the window of the drawing-room and looking out into the courtyard.... +Suddenly--what is this?... Through the gate with quiet step enters a +novice.... His conical cap is pulled down on his brow, his hair is +combed smoothly and flows from under it to right and left ... he wears a +long cassock and a leather girdle.... Can it be Misha? It is! + +I go out on the steps to meet him.... "What is the meaning of this +masquerade?" I ask. + +"It is not a masquerade, uncle," Misha answers me, with a deep +sigh;--"but as I have squandered all my property to the last kopek, and +as a mighty repentance has seized upon me, I have made up my mind to +betake myself to the Troitzko-Sergieva Lavra,[9] to pray away my sins. +For what asylum is now left to me?... And so I have come to bid you +farewell, uncle, like the Prodigal Son...." + +I gazed intently at Misha. His face was the same as ever, fresh and rosy +(by the way, it never changed to the very end), and his eyes were humid +and caressing and languishing, and his hands were small and white.... +But he reeked of liquor. + +"Very well!" I said at last: "It is a good move if there is no other +issue. But why dost thou smell of liquor?" + +"Old habit," replied Misha, and suddenly burst out laughing, but +immediately caught himself up, and making a straight, low, monastic +obeisance, he added:--"Will not you contribute something for the +journey? For I am going to the monastery on foot...." + +"When?" + +"To-day ... at once." + +"Why art thou in such a hurry?" + +"Uncle! my motto has always been 'Hurry! Hurry!'" + +"But what is thy motto now?" + +"It is the same now.... Only '_Hurry_--to good!'" + +So Misha went away, leaving me to meditate over the mutability of human +destinies. + +But he speedily reminded me of his existence. A couple of months after +his visit I received a letter from him,--the first of those letters with +which he afterward favoured me. And note this peculiarity: I have rarely +beheld a neater, more legible handwriting than was possessed by this +unmethodical man. The style of his letters also was very regular, and +slightly florid. The invariable appeals for assistance alternated with +promises of amendment, with honourable words and with oaths.... All this +appeared to be--and perhaps was--sincere. Misha's signature at the end +of his letters was always accompanied by peculiar flourishes, lines and +dots, and he used a great many exclamation-points. In that first letter +Misha informed me of a new "turn in his fortune." (Later on he called +these turns "dives" ... and he dived frequently.) He had gone off to the +Caucasus to serve the Tzar and fatherland "with his breast," in the +capacity of a yunker. And although a certain benevolent aunt had +commiserated his poverty-stricken condition and had sent him an +insignificant sum, nevertheless he asked me to help him to equip +himself. I complied with his request, and for a period of two years +thereafter I heard nothing about him. I must confess that I entertained +strong doubts as to his having gone to the Caucasus. But it turned out +that he really had gone thither, had entered the T---- regiment as +yunker, through influence, and had served in it those two years. Whole +legends were fabricated there about him. One of the officers in his +regiment communicated them to me. + + + + +IV + + +I learned a great deal which I had not expected from him. I was not +surprised, of course, that he had proved to be a poor, even a downright +worthless military man and soldier; but what I had not expected was, +that he had displayed no special bravery; that in battle he wore a +dejected and languid aspect, as though he were partly bored, partly +daunted. All discipline oppressed him, inspired him with sadness; he was +audacious to recklessness when it was a question of himself personally; +there was no wager too crazy for him to accept; but do evil to others, +kill, fight, he could not, perhaps because he had a good heart,--and +perhaps because his "cotton-wool" education (as he expressed it) had +enervated him. He was ready to exterminate himself in any sort of way at +any time.... But others--no. "The devil only can make him out," his +comrades said of him:--"he's puny, a rag---and what a reckless fellow he +is--a regular dare-devil!"--I happened afterward to ask Misha what evil +spirit prompted him, made him indulge in drinking-bouts, risk his life, +and so forth. He always had one answer: "Spleen." + +"But why hast thou spleen?" + +"Just because I have, good gracious! One comes to himself, recovers his +senses, and begins to meditate about poverty, about injustice, about +Russia.... Well, and that settles it! Immediately one feels such spleen +that he is ready to send a bullet into his forehead! One goes on a +carouse instinctively." + +"But why hast thou mixed up Russia with this?" + +"What else could I do? Nothing!--That's why I am afraid to think." + +"All that--that spleen--comes of thy idleness." + +"But I don't know how to do anything, uncle! My dear relative! Here now, +if it were a question of taking and staking my life on a card,--losing +my all and shooting myself, bang! in the neck!--I can do that!--Here +now, tell me what to do, what to risk my life for.--I'll do it this very +minute!..." + +"But do thou simply live.... Why risk thy life?" + +"I can't!--You will tell me that I behave recklessly. What else can I +do?... One begins to think--and, O Lord, what comes into his head! 'T is +only the Germans who think!..." + +What was the use of arguing with him? He was a reckless man--and that is +all there is to say! + +I will repeat to you two or three of the Caucasian legends to which I +have alluded. One day, in the company of the officers, Misha began to +brag of a Circassian sabre which he had obtained in barter.--"A genuine +Persian blade!"--The officers expressed doubt as to whether it were +really genuine. Misha began to dispute.--"See here," he exclaimed at +last,--"they say that the finest judge of Circassian sabres is one-eyed +Abdulka. I will go to him and ask."--The officers were dumbfounded. + +"What Abdulka? The one who lives in the mountains? The one who is not at +peace with us? Abdul-Khan?" + +"The very man." + +"But he will take thee for a scout, he will place thee in the +bug-house,--or he will cut off thy head with that same sabre. And how +wilt thou make thy way to him? They will seize thee immediately." + +"But I will go to him, nevertheless." + +"We bet that thou wilt not go!" + +"I take your bet!" + +And Misha instantly saddled his horse and rode off to Abdulka. He was +gone for three days. All were convinced that he had come to some +dreadful end. And behold! he came back, somewhat tipsy, and with a +sabre, only not the one which he had carried away with him, but +another. They began to question him. + +"It's all right," said he. "Abdulka is a kind man. At first he really +did order fetters to be riveted on my legs, and was even preparing to +impale me on a stake. But I explained to him why I had come. 'Do not +expect any ransom from me,' said I. 'I haven't a farthing to my +name--and I have no relatives.'--Abdulka was amazed; he stared at me +with his solitary eye.-'Well,' says he, 'thou art the chief of heroes, +Russian! Am I to believe thee?'--'Believe me,' said I; 'I never lie' +(and Misha really never did lie).--Abdulka looked at me again.-'And dost +thou know how to drink wine?'-'I do,' said I; 'as much as thou wilt +give, so much will I drink.'--Again Abdulka was astonished, and +mentioned Allah. And then he ordered his daughter, or some pretty +maiden, whoever she was,--anyhow, she had the gaze of a jackal,--to +fetch a leathern bottle of wine.--And I set to work.--'But thy sabre is +spurious,' says he; 'here, take this genuine one. And now thou and I are +friends.'--And you have lost your wager, gentlemen, so pay up." + +A second legend concerning Misha runs as follows. He was passionately +fond of cards; but as he had no money and did not pay his gambling debts +(although he was never a sharper), no one would any longer sit down to +play with him. So one day he began to importune a brother officer, and +insisted upon the latter's playing with him. + +"But thou wilt be sure to lose, and thou wilt not pay." + +"I will not pay in money, that's true--but I will shoot a hole through +my left hand with this pistol here!" + +"But what profit is there for me in that?" + +"No profit whatever--but it's a curious thing, nevertheless." + +This conversation took place after a carouse, in the presence of +witnesses. Whether Misha's proposal really did strike the officer as +curious or not,--at all events, he consented. The cards were brought, +the game began. Misha was lucky; he won one hundred rubles. And +thereupon his opponent smote himself on the forehead. + +"What a blockhead I am!" he cried.--"On what a bait was I caught! If +thou hadst lost, much thou wouldst have shot thyself through the +hand!--so it's just an assault on my pocket!" + +"That's where thou art mistaken," retorted Misha:--"I have won--but I'll +shoot the hole through my hand." + +He seized his pistol, and bang! shot himself through the hand. The +bullet went clear through ... and a week later the wound was completely +healed! + +On another occasion still, Misha is riding along the road by night with +his comrades.... And they see yawning, right by the side of the road, a +narrow ravine in the nature of a cleft, dark, very dark, and the bottom +of it not visible. + +"Here now," says one comrade, "Misha is reckless enough about some +things, but he will not leap into this ravine." + +"Yes, I will!" + +"No, thou wilt not, because it is, probably, ten fathoms deep, and thou +mightest break thy neck." + +His friend knew how to attack him--through his vanity.... Misha had a +great deal of it. + +"But I will leap, nevertheless! Wilt thou bet on it? Ten rubles." + +"All right!" + +And before his comrade had managed to finish the last word Misha flew +off his horse into the ravine, and crashed down on the stones. They were +all fairly petrified with horror.... A good minute passed, and they +heard Misha's voice proceeding as though from the bowels of the earth, +and very dull: + +"I'm whole! I landed on sand.... But the descent was long! Ten rubles on +you!" + +"Climb out!" shouted his comrades. + +"Yes, climb out!"--returned Misha. "Damn it! One can't climb out of +here! You will have to ride off now for ropes and lanterns. And in the +meanwhile, so that I may not find the waiting tedious, toss me down a +flask...." + +And so Misha had to sit for five hours at the bottom of the ravine; and +when they dragged him out, it appeared that he had a dislocated +shoulder. But this did not daunt him in the least. On the following day +a blacksmith bone-setter set his shoulder, and he used it as though +nothing were the matter. + +Altogether, his health was remarkable, unprecedented. I have already +told you that until his death he preserved an almost childish freshness +of complexion. He did not know what it was to be ill, in spite of all +his excesses; the vigour of his constitution was not affected in a +single instance. Where any other man would have fallen dangerously ill, +or even have died, he merely shook himself like a duck in the water, and +became more blooming than ever. Once--that also was in the Caucasus.... +This legend is improbable, it is true, but from it one can judge what +Misha was regarded as capable of doing.... So then, once, in the +Caucasus, when in a state of intoxication, he fell into a small stream +that covered the lower part of his body; his head and arms remained +exposed on the bank. The affair took place in winter; a rigorous frost +set in; and when he was found on the following morning, his legs and +body were visible beneath a stout crust of ice which had frozen over in +the course of the night--and he never even had a cold in the head in +consequence! On another occasion (this happened in Russia, near +Orel,[10] and also during a severe frost), he chanced to go to a +suburban eating-house in company with seven young theological students. +These theological students were celebrating their graduation +examination, and had invited Misha, as a charming fellow, "a man with a +sigh," as it was called then. They drank a great deal; and when, at +last, the merry crew were preparing to depart, Misha, dead drunk, was +found to be already in a state of unconsciousness. The whole seven +theological students had between them only one troika sledge with a high +back;[11]--where were they to put the helpless body? Then one of the +young men, inspired by classical reminiscences, suggested that Misha be +tied by the feet to the back of the sledge, as Hector was to the chariot +of Achilles! The suggestion was approved ... and bouncing over the +hummocks, sliding sideways down the declivities, with his feet strung up +in the air, and his head dragging through the snow, our Misha traversed +on his back the distance of two versts which separated the restaurant +from the town, and never even so much as coughed or frowned. With such +marvellous health had nature endowed him! + + + + +V + + +Leaving the Caucasus, he presented himself once more in Moscow, in a +Circassian coat, with cartridge-pouches on the breast, a dagger in his +belt, and a tall fur cap on his head. From this costume he did not part +until the end, although he was no longer in the military service, from +which he had been dismissed for not reporting on time. He called on me, +borrowed a little money ... and then began his "divings," his progress +through the tribulations,[12] or, as he expressed it, "through the seven +Semyons";[13] then began his sudden absences and returns, the +despatching of beautifully-written letters addressed to all possible +persons, beginning with the Metropolitan and ending with riding-masters +and midwives! Then began the visits to acquaintances and strangers! And +here is one point which must be noted: in making his calls he did not +cringe and did not importune; but, on the contrary, he behaved himself +in decorous fashion, and even wore a cheery and pleasant aspect, +although an ingrained odour of liquor accompanied him everywhere--and +his Oriental costume was gradually reduced to rags. + +"Give--God will reward you--although I do not deserve it," he was +accustomed to say, smiling brightly and blushing openly. "If you do not +give, you will be entirely in the right, and I shall not be angry in the +least. I shall support myself. God will provide! For there are many, +very many people who are poorer and more worthy than I!" + +Misha enjoyed particular success with women; he understood how to arouse +their compassion. And do not think that he was or imagined himself to be +a Lovelace.... Oh, no! In that respect he was very modest. Whether he +had inherited from his parents such cold blood, or whether herein was +expressed his disinclination to do evil to any one,--since, according to +his ideas, to consort with a woman means inevitably to insult the +woman,--I will not take it upon myself to decide; only, in his relations +with the fair sex he was extremely delicate. The women felt this, and +all the more willingly did they pity and aid him until he, at last, +repelled them by his sprees and hard drinking, by the recklessness of +which I have already spoken.... I cannot hit upon any other word. + +On the other hand, in other respects he had already lost all delicacy +and had gradually descended to the extreme depths of degradation. He +once went so far that in the Assembly of Nobility of T---- he placed on +the table a jug with the inscription: + +"Any one who finds it agreeable to tweak the nose of hereditary +nobleman[14] Polteff (whose authentic documents are herewith appended) +may satisfy his desire, on condition that he puts a ruble in this jug." + +And it is said that there were persons who did care to tweak the +nobleman's nose! It is true that he first all but throttled one amateur +who, having put but one ruble in the jug, tweaked his nose twice, and +then made him sue for pardon; it is true also that he immediately +distributed to other tatterdemalions a portion of the money thus +secured ... but, nevertheless, what outrageous conduct! + +In the course of his wanderings through the seven Semyons he had also +reached his ancestral nest, which he had sold for a song to a speculator +and usurer well known at that period. The speculator was at home, and on +learning of the arrival of the former owner, who had been transformed +into a tramp, he gave orders that he was not to be admitted into the +house, and that in case of need he was to be flung out by the scruff of +the neck. Misha declared that he would not enter the house, defiled as +it was by the presence of a scoundrel; that he would allow no one to +throw him out; but that he was on his way to the churchyard to salute +the dust of his ancestors. This he did. At the churchyard he was joined +by an old house-serf, who had formerly been his man-nurse. The +speculator had deprived the old man of his monthly stipend and expelled +him from the home farm; from that time forth the man sought shelter in +the kennel of a peasant. Misha had managed his estate for so short a +time that he had not succeeded in leaving behind him a specially good +memory of himself; but the old servitor had not been able to resist, +nevertheless, and on hearing of his young master's arrival, he had +immediately hastened to the churchyard, had found Misha seated on the +ground among the mortuary stones, had begged leave to kiss his hand in +memory of old times, and had even melted into tears as he gazed at the +rags wherewith the once petted limbs of his nursling were swathed. Misha +looked long and in silence at the old man. + +"Timofei!" he said at last. + +Timofei gave a start. + +"What do you wish?" + +"Hast thou a spade?" + +"I can get one.... But what do you want with a spade, Mikhailo +Andreitch?" + +"I want to dig a grave for myself here, Timofei; and lie down here +forever between my parents. For this is the only spot which is left to +me in the world. Fetch the spade!" + +"I obey," said Timofei; and went off and brought it. + +And Misha immediately began to dig up the earth, while Timofei stood by +with his chin propped on his hand, repeating: "That's the only thing +left for thee and me, master!" + +And Misha dug and dug, inquiring from time to time: "Life isn't worth +living, is it, Timofei?" + +"It is not, dear little father." + +The hole had already grown fairly deep. People saw Misha's work and ran +to report about it to the speculator-owner. At first the speculator flew +into a rage, and wanted to send for the police. "What hypocrisy!" he +said. But afterward, reflecting, probably, that it would be inconvenient +to have a row with that lunatic, and that a scandal might be the result, +he betook himself in person to the churchyard, and approaching the +toiling Misha, he made a polite obeisance to him. The latter continued +to dig, as though he had not noticed his successor. + +"Mikhail Andreitch," began the speculator, "permit me to inquire what +you are doing there?" + +"As you see--I am digging a grave for myself." + +"Why are you doing that?" + +"Because I do not wish to live any longer." + +The speculator fairly flung apart his hands in surprise.--"You do not +wish to live?" + +Misha cast a menacing glance at the speculator:--"Does that surprise +you? Are not you the cause of it all?... Is it not you?... Is it not +thou?...[15] Is it not thou, Judas, who hast robbed me, by taking +advantage of my youth? Dost not thou skin the peasants? Is it not thou +who hast deprived this decrepit old man of his daily bread? Is it not +thou?... O Lord! Everywhere there is injustice, and oppression, and +villainy.... So down with everything,--and with me also! I don't wish to +live--I don't wish to live any longer in Russia!"--And the spade made +swifter progress than ever in Misha's hands. + +"The devil knows the meaning of this!" thought the speculator: "he +actually is burying himself."--"Mikhail Andreitch,"--he began afresh, +"listen; I really am guilty toward you; people did not represent you +properly to me." + +Misha went on digging. + +"But why this recklessness?" + +Misha went on digging--and flung the dirt on the speculator, as much as +to say: "Take that, earth-devourer!" + +"Really, you have no cause for this. Will not you come to my house to +eat and rest?" + +Misha raised his head a little. "Now you're talking! And will there be +anything to drink?" + +The speculator was delighted.--"Good gracious!... I should think so!" + +"And dost thou invite Timofei also?" + +"But why ... well, I invite him also." + +Misha reflected.--"Only look out ... for thou didst turn me out of +doors.... Don't think thou art going to get off with one bottle!" + +"Do not worry ... there will be as much as you wish of everything." + +Misha flung aside his spade.... "Well, Timosha," he said, addressing his +old man-nurse, "let us honour the host.... Come along!" + +"I obey," replied the old man. + +And all three wended their way toward the house. + +The speculator knew with whom he had to deal. Misha made him promise as +a preliminary, it is true, that he would "allow all privileges" to the +peasants;--but an hour later that same Misha, together with Timofei, +both drunk, danced a gallopade through those rooms where the pious shade +of Andrei Nikolaitch seemed still to be hovering; and an hour later +still, Misha, so sound asleep that he could not be waked (liquor was his +great weakness), was placed in a peasant-cart, together with his kazak +cap and his dagger, and sent off to the town, five-and-twenty versts +distant,--and there was found under a fence.... Well, and Timofei, who +still kept his feet and merely hiccoughed, was "pitched out neck and +crop," as a matter of course. The master had made a failure of his +attempt. So they might as well let the servant pay the penalty! + + + + +VI + + +Again considerable time elapsed and I heard nothing of Misha.... God +knows where he had vanished.--One day, as I was sitting before the +samovar at a posting-station on the T---- highway, waiting for horses, +I suddenly heard, under the open window of the station-room, a hoarse +voice uttering in French:--"_Monsieur ... monsieur ... prenez pitie d'un +pauvre gentilhomme ruine!_".... I raised my head and looked.... The kazak +cap with the fur peeled off, the broken cartridge-pouches on the +tattered Circassian coat, the dagger in a cracked sheath, the bloated +but still rosy face, the dishevelled but still thick hair.... My God! +It was Misha! He had already come to begging alms on the highways!--I +involuntarily uttered an exclamation. He recognised me, shuddered, +turned away, and was about to withdraw from the window. I stopped +him ... but what was there that I could say to him? Certainly I could +not read him a lecture!... In silence I offered him a five-ruble +bank-note. With equal silence he grasped it in his still white and +plump, though trembling and dirty hand, and disappeared round the +corner of the house. + +They did not furnish me with horses very promptly, and I had time to +indulge in cheerless meditations on the subject of my unexpected +encounter with Misha. I felt conscience-stricken that I had let him go +in so unsympathetic a manner.--At last I proceeded on my journey, and +after driving half a verst from the posting-station I observed, ahead of +me on the road, a crowd of people moving along with a strange and as it +were measured tread. I overtook this crowd,--and what did I see?--Twelve +beggars, with wallets on their shoulders, were walking by twos, singing +and skipping as they went,---and at their head danced Misha, stamping +time with his feet and saying: "Natchiki-tchikaldi, tchuk-tchuk-tchuk! +Natchiki-tchikaldi, tchuk-tchuk-tchuk!" + +As soon as my calash came on a level with him, and he caught sight of +me, he immediately began to shout, "Hurrah! Halt, draw up in line! Eyes +front, my guard of the road!" + +The beggars took up his cry and halted,--while he, with his habitual +laugh, sprang upon the carriage-step, and again yelled: "Hurrah!" + +"What is the meaning of this?" I asked, with involuntary amazement. + +"This? This is my squad, my army; all beggars, God's people, my friends! +Each one of them, thanks to your kindness, has quaffed a cup of liquor: +and now we are all rejoicing and making merry!... Uncle! 'Tis only with +the beggars and God's poor that one can live in the world, you know ... +by God, that's so!" + +I made him no reply ... but this time he seemed to me such a +good-natured soul, his face expressed such childlike ingenuousness ... a +light suddenly seemed to dawn upon me, and there came a prick at my +heart.... + +"Get into the calash with me," I said to him. + +He was amazed.... + +"What? Get into the calash?" + +"Get in, get in!" I repeated. "I want to make thee a proposition. Get +in!... Drive on with me." + +"Well, you command."--He got in.--"Come, and as for you, my dear +friends, respected comrades," he added to the beggars: "good-bye! Until +we meet again!"--Misha took off his kazak cap and made a low bow.--The +beggars all seemed to be dumbfounded.... I ordered the coachman to whip +up the horses, and the calash rolled on. + +This is what I wished to propose to Misha: the idea had suddenly +occurred to me to take him into my establishment, into my country-house, +which was situated about thirty versts from that posting-station,--to +save him, or, at least, to make an effort to save him. + +"Hearken, Misha," said I; "wilt thou settle down with me?... Thou shalt +have everything provided for thee, clothes and under-linen shall be made +for thee, thou shalt be properly fitted out, and thou shalt receive +money for tobacco and so forth, only on one condition: not to drink +liquor!... Dost thou accept?" + +Misha was even frightened with joy. He opened his eyes very wide, turned +crimson, and suddenly falling on my shoulder, he began to kiss me and to +repeat in a spasmodic voice:--"Uncle ... benefactor.... May God reward +you!..." He melted into tears at last, and doffing his kazak cap, began +to wipe his eyes, his nose, and his lips with it. + +"Look out," I said to him. "Remember the condition--not to drink +liquor!" + +"Why, damn it!" he exclaimed, flourishing both hands, and as a result +of that energetic movement I was still more strongly flooded with that +spirituous odour wherewith he was thoroughly impregnated.... "You see, +dear uncle, if you only knew my life.... If it were not for grief, cruel +Fate, you know.... But now I swear,--I swear that I will reform, and +will prove.... Uncle, I have never lied--ask any one you like if I +have.... I am an honourable, but an unhappy man, uncle; I have never +known kindness from any one...." + +At this point he finally dissolved in sobs. I tried to soothe him and +succeeded, for when we drove up to my house Misha had long been sleeping +the sleep of the dead, with his head resting on my knees. + + + + +VII + + +He was immediately allotted a special room, and also immediately, as the +first measure, taken to the bath, which was absolutely indispensable. +All his garments, and his dagger and tall kazak cap and hole-ridden +shoes, were carefully laid away in the storehouse; clean linen was put +on him, slippers, and some of my clothing, which, as is always the case +with paupers, exactly fitted his build and stature. When he came to the +table, washed, neat, fresh, he seemed so much touched, and so happy, he +was beaming all over with such joyful gratitude, that I felt emotion +and joy.... His face was completely transfigured. Little boys of twelve +wear such faces at Easter, after the Communion, when, thickly pomaded, +clad in new round-jackets and starched collars, they go to exchange the +Easter greeting with their parents. Misha kept feeling of himself +cautiously and incredulously, and repeating:--"What is this?... Am not I +in heaven?"--And on the following day he announced that he had not been +able to sleep all night for rapture! + +In my house there was then living an aged aunt with her niece. They were +both greatly agitated when they heard of Misha's arrival; they did not +understand how I could have invited him to my house! He bore a very bad +reputation. But, in the first place, I knew that he was always very +polite to ladies; and, in the second place, I trusted to his promise to +reform. And, as a matter of fact, during the early days of his sojourn +under my roof Misha not only justified my expectations, but exceeded +them; and he simply enchanted my ladies. He played picquet with the old +lady; he helped her to wind yarn; he showed her two new games of +patience; he accompanied the niece, who had a small voice, on the piano; +he read her French and Russian poetry; he narrated diverting but +decorous anecdotes to both ladies;--in a word, he was serviceable to +them in all sorts of ways, so that they repeatedly expressed to me their +surprise, while the old woman even remarked: "How unjust people +sometimes are!... What all have not they said about him ... while he is +so discreet and polite ... poor Misha!" + +It is true that at table "poor Misha" licked his lips in a +peculiarly-hasty way every time he even looked at a bottle. But all I +had to do was to shake my finger, and he would roll up his eyes, and +press his hand to his heart ... as much as to say: "I have sworn...." + +"I am regenerated now!" he assured me.--"Well, God grant it!" I thought +to myself.... But this regeneration did not last long. + +During the early days he was very loquacious and jolly. But beginning +with the third day he quieted down, somehow, although, as before, he +kept close to the ladies and amused them. A half-sad, half-thoughtful +expression began to flit across his face, and the face itself grew pale +and thin. + +"Art thou ill?" I asked him. + +"Yes," he answered;--"my head aches a little." + +On the fourth day he became perfectly silent; he sat in a corner most of +the time, with dejectedly drooping head; and by his downcast aspect +evoked a feeling of compassion in the two ladies, who now, in their +turn, tried to divert him. At table he ate nothing, stared at his +plate, and rolled bread-balls. On the fifth day the feeling of pity in +the ladies began to be replaced by another--by distrust and even fear. +Misha had grown wild, he avoided people and kept walking along the wall, +as though creeping stealthily, and suddenly darting glances around him, +as though some one had called him. And what had become of his rosy +complexion? It seemed to be covered with earth. + +"Art thou still ill?" I asked him. + +"No; I am well," he answered abruptly. + +"Art thou bored?" + +"Why should I be bored?"--But he turned away and would not look me in +the eye. + +"Or hast thou grown melancholy again?"--To this he made no reply. + +On the following day my aunt ran into my study in a state of great +excitement, and declared that she and her niece would leave my house if +Misha were to remain in it. + +"Why so?" + +"Why, we feel afraid of him.... He is not a man,--he is a wolf, a +regular wolf. He stalks and stalks about, saying never a word, and has +such a wild look.... He all but gnashes his teeth. My Katya is such a +nervous girl, as thou knowest.... She took a great interest in him the +first day.... I am afraid for her and for myself...." + +I did not know what reply to make to my aunt. But I could not expel +Misha, whom I had invited in. + +He himself extricated me from this dilemma. + +That very day--before I had even left my study--I suddenly heard a dull +and vicious voice behind me. + +"Nikolai Nikolaitch, hey there, Nikolai Nikolaitch!" + +I looked round. In the doorway stood Misha, with a terrible, lowering, +distorted visage. + +"Nikolai Nikolaitch," he repeated ... (it was no longer "dear uncle"). + +"What dost thou want?" + +"Let me go ... this very moment!" + +"What?" + +"Let me go, or I shall commit a crime,--set the house on fire or cut +some one's throat."--Misha suddenly fell to shaking.--"Order them to +restore my garments, and give me a cart to carry me to the highway, and +give me a trifling sum of money!" + +"But art thou dissatisfied with anything?" I began. + +"I cannot live thus!" he roared at the top of his voice.--"I cannot live +in your lordly, thrice-damned house! I hate, I am ashamed to live so +tranquilly!... How do _you_ manage to endure it?!" + +"In other words," I interposed, "thou wishest to say that thou canst not +live without liquor...." + +"Well, yes! well, yes!" he yelled again.--"Only let me go to my +brethren, to my friends, to the beggars!... Away from your noble, +decorous, repulsive race!" + +I wanted to remind him of his promise on oath, but the criminal +expression of Misha's face, his unrestrained voice, the convulsive +trembling of all his limbs--all this was so frightful that I made haste +to get rid of him. I informed him that he should receive his clothing at +once, that a cart should be harnessed for him; and taking from a casket +a twenty-ruble bank-note, I laid it on the table. Misha was already +beginning to advance threateningly upon me, but now he suddenly stopped +short, his face instantaneously became distorted, and flushed up; he +smote his breast, tears gushed from his eyes, and he stammered, +--"Uncle!--Angel! I am a lost man, you see!---Thanks! Thanks!"--He +seized the bank-note and rushed out of the room. + +An hour later he was already seated in a cart, again clad in his +Circassian coat, again rosy and jolly; and when the horses started off +he uttered a yell, tore off his tall kazak cap, and waving it above his +head, he made bow after bow. Immediately before his departure he +embraced me long and warmly, stammering:--"Benefactor, benefactor!... It +was impossible to save me!" He even ran in to see the ladies, and kissed +their hands over and over again, went down on his knees, appealed to +God, and begged forgiveness! I found Katya in tears later on. + +But the coachman who had driven Misha reported to me, on his return, +that he had taken him to the first drinking establishment on the +highway, and that there he "had got stranded," had begun to stand treat +to every one without distinction, and had soon arrived at a state of +inebriation. + +Since that time I have never met Misha, but I learned his final fate in +the following manner. + + + + +VIII + + +Three years later I again found myself in the country; suddenly a +servant entered and announced that Madame Polteff was inquiring for me. +I knew no Madame Polteff, and the servant who made the announcement was +grinning in a sarcastic sort of way, for some reason or other. In reply +to my questioning glance he said that the lady who was asking for me was +young, poorly clad, and had arrived in a peasant-cart drawn by one +horse which she was driving herself! I ordered that Madame Polteff +should be requested to do me the favour to step into my study. + +I beheld a woman of five-and-twenty,--belonging to the petty burgher +class, to judge from her attire,--with a large kerchief on her head. Her +face was simple, rather round in contour, not devoid of agreeability; +her gaze was downcast and rather melancholy, her movements were +embarrassed. + +"Are you Madame Polteff?" I asked, inviting her to be seated. + +"Just so, sir," she answered, in a low voice, and without sitting +down.--"I am the widow of your nephew, Mikhail Andreevitch Polteff." + +"Is Mikhail Andreevitch dead? Has he been dead long?--But sit down, I +beg of you." + +She dropped down on a chair. + +"This is the second month since he died." + +"And were you married to him long ago?" + +"I lived with him one year in all." + +"And whence come you now?" + +"I come from the vicinity of Tula.... There is a village there called +Znamenskoe-Glushkovo--perhaps you deign to know it. I am the daughter of +the sexton there. Mikhail Andreitch and I lived there.... He settled +down with my father. We lived together a year in all." The young woman's +lips twitched slightly, and she raised her hand to them. She seemed to +be getting ready to cry, but conquered herself, and cleared her throat. + +"The late Mikhail Andreitch, before his death," she went on, "bade me go +to you. 'Be sure to go,' he said. And he told me that I was to thank you +for all your goodness, and transmit to you ... this ... trifle" (she +drew from her pocket a small package), "which he always carried on his +person.... And Mikhail Andreitch said, Wouldn't you be so kind as to +accept it in memory--that you must not scorn it.... 'I have nothing else +to give him,' ... meaning you ... he said...." + +In the packet was a small silver cup with the monogram of Mikhail's +mother. This tiny cup I had often seen in Mikhail's hands; and once he +had even said to me, in speaking of a pauper, that he must be stripped +bare, since he had neither cup nor bowl, "while I have this here," he +said. + +I thanked her, took the cup and inquired, "Of what malady did Mikhail +Andreitch die?--Probably...." + +Here I bit my tongue, but the young woman understood my unspoken +thought.... She darted a swift glance at me, then dropped her eyes, +smiled sadly, and immediately said, "Akh, no! He had abandoned that +entirely from the time he made my acquaintance.... Only, what health had +he?!... It was utterly ruined. As soon as he gave up drinking, his +malady immediately manifested itself. He became so steady, he was always +wanting to help my father, either in the household affairs, or in the +vegetable garden ... or whatever other work happened to be on hand ... +in spite of the fact that he was of noble birth. Only, where was he to +get the strength?... And he would have liked to busy himself in the +department of writing also,--he knew how to do that beautifully, as you +are aware; but his hands shook so, and he could not hold the pen +properly.... He was always reproaching himself: 'I'm an idle dog,' he +said. 'I have done no one any good, I have helped no one, I have not +toiled!' He was very much afflicted over that same.... He used to say, +'Our people toil, but what are we doing?...' Akh, Nikolai Nikolaitch, he +was a fine man--and he loved me ... and I.... Akh, forgive me...." + +Here the young woman actually burst into tears. I would have liked to +comfort her, but I did not know how. + +"Have you a baby?" I asked at last. + +She sighed.--"No, I have not.... How could I have?"--And here tears +streamed worse than before. + +So this was the end of Misha's wanderings through tribulations [old P. +concluded his story].--You will agree with me, gentlemen, as a matter of +course, that I had a right to call him reckless; but you will probably +also agree with me that he did not resemble the reckless fellows of the +present day, although we must suppose that any philosopher would find +traits of similarity between him and them. In both cases there is the +thirst for self-annihilation, melancholy, dissatisfaction.... And what +that springs from I will permit precisely that philosopher to decide. + + + + + + + +THE DREAM + +(1876) + + + + + +I + + +I was living with my mother at the time, in a small seaport town. I was +just turned seventeen, and my mother was only thirty-five; she had +married very young. When my father died I was only seven years old; but +I remembered him well. My mother was a short, fair-haired woman, with a +charming, but permanently-sad face, a quiet, languid voice, and timid +movements. In her youth she had borne the reputation of a beauty, and as +long as she lived she remained attractive and pretty. I have never +beheld more profound, tender, and melancholy eyes. I adored her, and she +loved me.... But our life was not cheerful; it seemed as though some +mysterious, incurable and undeserved sorrow were constantly sapping the +root of her existence. This sorrow could not be explained by grief for +my father alone, great as that was, passionately as my mother had loved +him, sacredly as she cherished his memory.... No! there was something +else hidden there which I did not understand, but which I felt,--felt +confusedly and strongly as soon as I looked at those quiet, impassive +eyes, at those very beautiful but also impassive lips, which were not +bitterly compressed, but seemed to have congealed for good and all. + +I have said that my mother loved me; but there were moments when she +spurned me, when my presence was burdensome, intolerable to her. At such +times she felt, as it were, an involuntary aversion for me--and was +terrified afterward, reproaching herself with tears and clasping me to +her heart. I attributed these momentary fits of hostility to her +shattered health, to her unhappiness.... These hostile sentiments might +have been evoked, it is true, in a certain measure, by some strange +outbursts, which were incomprehensible even to me myself, of wicked and +criminal feelings which occasionally arose in me.... + +But these outbursts did not coincide with the moments of repulsion.--My +mother constantly wore black, as though she were in mourning. We lived +on a rather grand scale, although we associated with no one. + + + + +II + + +My mother concentrated upon me all her thoughts and cares. Her life was +merged in my life. Such relations between parents and children are not +always good for the children ... they are more apt to be injurious. +Moreover I was my mother's only child ... and only children generally +develop irregularly. In rearing them the parents do not think of +themselves so much as they do of them.... That is not practical. I did +not get spoiled, and did not grow obstinate (both these things happen +with only children), but my nerves were unstrung before their time; in +addition to which I was of rather feeble health--I took after my mother, +to whom I also bore a great facial resemblance. I shunned the society of +lads of my own age; in general, I was shy of people; I even talked very +little with my mother. I was fonder of reading than of anything else, +and of walking alone--and dreaming, dreaming! What my dreams were about +it would be difficult to say. It sometimes seemed to me as though I were +standing before a half-open door behind which were concealed hidden +secrets,--standing and waiting, and swooning with longing--yet not +crossing the threshold; and always meditating as to what there was +yonder ahead of me--and always waiting and longing ... or falling into +slumber. If the poetic vein had throbbed in me I should, in all +probability, have taken to writing verses; if I had felt an inclination +to religious devoutness I might have become a monk; but there was +nothing of the sort about me, and I continued to dream--and to wait. + + + + +III + + +I have just mentioned that I sometimes fell asleep under the inspiration +of obscure thoughts and reveries. On the whole, I slept a great deal, +and dreams played a prominent part in my life; I beheld visions almost +every night. I did not forget them, I attributed to them significance, I +regarded them as prophetic, I strove to divine their secret import. Some +of them were repeated from time to time, which always seemed to me +wonderful and strange. I was particularly perturbed by one dream. It +seems to me that I am walking along a narrow, badly-paved street in an +ancient town, between many-storied houses of stone, with sharp-pointed +roofs. I am seeking my father who is not dead, but is, for some reason, +hiding from us, and is living in one of those houses. And so I enter a +low, dark gate, traverse a long courtyard encumbered with beams and +planks, and finally make my way into a small chamber with two circular +windows. In the middle of the room stands my father, clad in a +dressing-gown and smoking a pipe. He does not in the least resemble my +real father: he is tall, thin, black-haired, he has a hooked nose, +surly, piercing eyes; in appearance he is about forty years of age. He +is displeased because I have hunted him up; and I also am not in the +least delighted at the meeting--and I stand still, in perplexity. He +turns away slightly, begins to mutter something and to pace to and fro +with short steps.... Then he retreats a little, without ceasing to +mutter, and keeps constantly casting glances behind him, over his +shoulder; the room widens out and vanishes in a fog.... I suddenly grow +terrified at the thought that I am losing my father again. I rush after +him--but I no longer see him, and can only hear his angry, bear-like +growl.... My heart sinks within me. I wake up, and for a long time +cannot get to sleep again.... All the following day I think about that +dream and, of course, am unable to arrive at any conclusion. + + + + +IV + + +The month of June had come. The town in which my mother and I lived +became remarkably animated at that season. A multitude of vessels +arrived at the wharves, a multitude of new faces presented themselves on +the streets. I loved at such times to stroll along the quay, past the +coffee-houses and inns, to scan the varied faces of the sailors and +other people who sat under the canvas awnings, at little white tables +with pewter tankards filled with beer. + +One day, as I was passing in front of a coffee-house, I caught sight of +a man who immediately engrossed my entire attention. Clad in a long +black coat of peasant cut, with a straw hat pulled down over his eyes, +he was sitting motionless, with his arms folded on his chest. Thin +rings of black hair descended to his very nose; his thin lips gripped +the stem of a short pipe. This man seemed so familiar to me, every +feature of his swarthy, yellow face, his whole figure, were so +indubitably stamped on my memory, that I could not do otherwise than +halt before him, could not help putting to myself the question: "Who is +this man? Where have I seen him?" He probably felt my intent stare, for +he turned his black, piercing eyes upon me.... I involuntarily uttered a +cry of surprise.... + +This man was the father whom I had sought out, whom I had beheld in my +dream! + +There was no possibility of making a mistake,--the resemblance was too +striking. Even the long-skirted coat, which enveloped his gaunt limbs, +reminded me, in colour and form, of the dressing-gown in which my father +had presented himself to me. + +"Am not I dreaming?" I thought to myself.... "No.... It is daylight now, +a crowd is roaring round me, the sun is shining brightly in the blue +sky, and I have before me, not a phantom, but a living man." + +I stepped up to an empty table, ordered myself a tankard of beer and a +newspaper, and seated myself at a short distance from this mysterious +being. + + + + +V + + +Placing the sheets of the newspaper on a level with my face, I continued +to devour the stranger with my eyes.--He hardly stirred, and only raised +his drooping head a little from time to time. He was evidently waiting +for some one. I gazed and gazed.... Sometimes it seemed to me that I had +invented the whole thing, that in reality there was no resemblance +whatever, that I had yielded to the semi-involuntary deception of the +imagination ... but "he" would suddenly turn a little on his chair, +raise his hand slightly, and again I almost cried aloud, again I beheld +before me my "nocturnal" father! At last he noticed my importunate +attention, and, first with surprise, then with vexation, he glanced in +my direction, started to rise, and knocked down a small cane which he +had leaned against the table. I instantly sprang to my feet, picked it +up and handed it to him. My heart was beating violently. + +He smiled in a constrained way, thanked me, and putting his face close +to my face, he elevated his eyebrows and parted his lips a little, as +though something had struck him. + +"You are very polite, young man," he suddenly began, in a dry, sharp, +snuffling voice.--"That is a rarity nowadays. Allow me to congratulate +you. You have been well brought up." + +I do not remember precisely what answer I made to him; but the +conversation between us was started. I learned that he was a +fellow-countryman of mine, that he had recently returned from America, +where he had lived many years, and whither he was intending to return +shortly. He said his name was Baron.... I did not catch the name well. +He, like my "nocturnal" father, wound up each of his remarks with an +indistinct, inward growl. He wanted to know my name.... On hearing it he +again showed signs of surprise. Then he asked me if I had been living +long in that town, and with whom? I answered him that I lived with my +mother. + +"And your father?" + +"My father died long ago." + +He inquired my mother's Christian name, and immediately burst into an +awkward laugh--and then excused himself, saying that he had that +American habit, and that altogether he was a good deal of an eccentric. +Then he asked where we lived. I told him. + + + + +VI + + +The agitation which had seized upon me at the beginning of our +conversation had gradually subsided; I thought our intimacy rather +strange--that was all. I did not like the smile with which the baron +questioned me; neither did I like the expression of his eyes when he +fairly stabbed them into me.... There was about them something rapacious +and condescending ... something which inspired dread. I had not seen +those eyes in my dream. The baron had a strange face! It was pallid, +fatigued, and, at the same time, youthful in appearance, but with a +disagreeable youthfulness! Neither had my "nocturnal" father that deep +scar, which intersected his whole forehead in a slanting direction, and +which I did not notice until I moved closer to him. + +Before I had had time to impart to the baron the name of the street and +the number of the house where we lived, a tall negro, wrapped up in a +cloak to his very eyes, approached him from behind and tapped him softly +on the shoulder. The baron turned round, said: "Aha! At last!" and +nodding lightly to me, entered the coffee-house with the negro. I +remained under the awning. I wished to wait until the baron should come +out again, not so much for the sake of entering again into conversation +with him (I really did not know what topic I could start with), as for +the purpose of again verifying my first impression.--But half an hour +passed; an hour passed.... The baron did not make his appearance. I +entered the coffee-house, I made the circuit of all the rooms--but +nowhere did I see either the baron or the negro.... Both of them must +have taken their departure through the back door. + +My head had begun to ache a little, and with the object of refreshing +myself I set out along the seashore to the extensive park outside the +town, which had been laid out ten years previously. After having +strolled for a couple of hours in the shade of the huge oaks and +plaintain-trees, I returned home. + + + + +VII + + +Our maid-servant flew to meet me, all tremulous with agitation, as soon +as I made my appearance in the anteroom. I immediately divined, from the +expression of her face, that something unpleasant had occurred in our +house during my absence.--And, in fact, I learned that half an hour +before a frightful shriek had rung out from my mother's bedroom. When +the maid rushed in she found her on the floor in a swoon which lasted +for several minutes. My mother had recovered consciousness at last, but +had been obliged to go to bed, and wore a strange, frightened aspect; +she had not uttered a word, she had not replied to questions--she had +done nothing but glance around her and tremble. The servant had sent the +gardener for a doctor. The doctor had come and had prescribed a soothing +potion, but my mother had refused to say anything to him either. The +gardener asserted that a few moments after the shriek had rung out from +my mother's room he had seen a strange man run hastily across the +flower-plots of the garden to the street gate. (We lived in a one-story +house, whose windows looked out upon a fairly large garden.) The +gardener had not been able to get a good look at the man's face; but the +latter was gaunt, and wore a straw hat and a long-skirted coat.... "The +baron's costume!" immediately flashed into my head.--The gardener had +been unable to overtake him; moreover, he had been summoned, without +delay, to the house and despatched for the doctor. + +I went to my mother's room; she was lying in bed, whiter than the pillow +on which her head rested.... At sight of me she smiled faintly, and put +out her hand to me. I sat down by her side, and began to question her; +at first she persistently parried my questions; but at last she +confessed that she had seen something which had frightened her greatly. + +"Did some one enter here?" I asked. + +"No," she answered hastily, "no one entered, but it seemed to me ... I +thought I saw ... a vision...." + +She ceased speaking and covered her eyes with her hand. I was on the +point of communicating to her what I had heard from the gardener--and +my meeting with the baron also, by the way ... but, for some reason or +other, the words died on my lips. + +Nevertheless I did bring myself to remark to my mother that visions do +not manifest themselves in the daylight.... + +"Stop," she whispered, "please stop; do not torture me now. Some day +thou shalt know...." Again she relapsed into silence. Her hands were +cold, and her pulse beat fast and unevenly. I gave her a dose of her +medicine and stepped a little to one side, in order not to disturb her. + +She did not rise all day. She lay motionless and quiet, only sighing +deeply from time to time, and opening her eyes in a timorous +fashion.--Every one in the house was perplexed. + + + + +VIII + + +Toward night a slight fever made its appearance, and my mother sent me +away. I did not go to my own chamber, however, but lay down in the +adjoining room on the divan. Every quarter of an hour I rose, approached +the door on tiptoe, and listened.... Everything remained silent--but my +mother hardly slept at all that night. When I went into her room early +in the morning her face appeared to me to be swollen, and her eyes were +shining with an unnatural brilliancy. In the course of the day she +became a little easier, but toward evening the fever increased again. + +Up to that time she had maintained an obstinate silence, but now she +suddenly began to talk in a hurried, spasmodic voice. She was not +delirious, there was sense in her words, but there was no coherency in +them. Not long before midnight she raised herself up in bed with a +convulsive movement (I was sitting beside her), and with the same +hurried voice she began to narrate to me, continually drinking water in +gulps from a glass, feebly flourishing her hands, and not once looking +at me the while.... At times she paused, exerted an effort over herself, +and went on again.... All this was strange, as though she were doing it +in her sleep, as though she herself were not present, but as though some +other person were speaking with her lips, or making her speak. + + + + +IX + + +"Listen to what I have to tell thee," she began. "Thou art no longer a +young boy; thou must know all. I had a good friend.... She married a man +whom she loved with all her heart, and she was happy with her husband. +But during the first year of their married life they both went to the +capital to spend a few weeks and enjoy themselves. They stopped at a +good hotel and went out a great deal to theatres and assemblies. My +friend was very far from homely; every one noticed her, all the young +men paid court to her; but among them was one in particular ... an +officer. He followed her unremittingly, and wherever she went she beheld +his black, wicked eyes. He did not make her acquaintance, and did not +speak to her even once; he merely kept staring at her in a very strange, +insolent way. All the pleasures of the capital were poisoned by his +presence. She began to urge her husband to depart as speedily as +possible, and they had fully made up their minds to the journey. One day +her husband went off to the club; some officers--officers who belonged +to the same regiment as this man--had invited him to play cards.... For +the first time she was left alone. Her husband did not return for a long +time; she dismissed her maid and went to bed.... And suddenly a great +dread came upon her, so that she even turned cold all over and began to +tremble. It seemed to her that she heard a faint tapping on the other +side of the wall--like the noise a dog makes when scratching--and she +began to stare at that wall. In the corner burned a shrine-lamp; the +chamber was all hung with silken stuff.... Suddenly something began to +move at that point, rose, opened.... And straight out of the wall, all +black and long, stepped forth that dreadful man with the wicked eyes! + +"She tried to scream and could not. She was benumbed with fright. He +advanced briskly toward her, like a rapacious wild beast, flung +something over her head, something stifling, heavy and white.... What +happened afterward I do not remember.... I do not remember! It was like +death, like murder.... When that terrible fog dispersed at last--when +I ... my friend recovered her senses, there was no one in the room. +Again--and for a long time--she was incapable of crying out, but she did +shriek at last ... then again everything grew confused.... + +"Then she beheld by her side her husband, who had been detained at the +club until two o'clock.... His face was distorted beyond recognition. He +began to question her, but she said nothing.... Then she fell ill.... +But I remember that when she was left alone in the room she examined +that place in the wall.... Under the silken hangings there proved to be +a secret door. And her wedding-ring had disappeared from her hand. This +ring was of an unusual shape. Upon it seven tiny golden stars alternated +with seven tiny silver stars; it was an ancient family heirloom. Her +husband asked her what had become of her ring; she could make no reply. +Her husband thought that she had dropped it somewhere, hunted everywhere +for it, but nowhere could he find it. Gloom descended upon him, he +decided to return home as speedily as possible, and as soon as the +doctor permitted they quitted the capital.... But imagine! On the very +day of their departure they suddenly encountered, on the street, a +litter.... In that litter lay a man who had just been killed, with a +cleft skull---and just imagine! that man was that same dreadful +nocturnal visitor with the wicked eyes.... He had been killed over a +game of cards! + +"Then my friend went away to the country, and became a mother for the +first time ... and lived several years with her husband. He never +learned anything about that matter, and what could she say? She herself +knew nothing. But her former happiness had vanished. Darkness had +invaded their life--and that darkness was never dispelled.... They had +no other children either before or after ... but that son...." + +My mother began to tremble all over, and covered her face with her +hands. + +"But tell me now," she went on, with redoubled force, "whether my friend +was in any way to blame? With what could she reproach herself? She was +punished, but had not she the right to declare, in the presence of God +himself, that the punishment which overtook her was unjust? Then why can +the past present itself to her, after the lapse of so many years, in so +frightful an aspect, as though she were a sinner tortured by the +gnawings of conscience? Macbeth slew Banquo, so it is not to be +wondered at that he should have visions ... but I...." + +But my mother's speech became so entangled and confused that I ceased to +understand her ... I no longer had any doubt that she was raving in +delirium. + + + + +X + + +Any one can easily understand what a shattering effect my mother's +narration produced upon me! I had divined, at her very first word, that +she was speaking of herself, and not of any acquaintance of hers; her +slip of the tongue only confirmed me in my surmise. So it really was my +father whom I had sought out in my dream, whom I had beheld when wide +awake! He had not been killed, as my mother had supposed, but merely +wounded.... And he had come to her, and had fled, affrighted by her +fright. Everything suddenly became clear to me; the feeling of +involuntary repugnance for me which sometimes awoke in my mother, and +her constant sadness, and our isolated life.... I remember that my head +reeled, and I clutched at it with both hands, as though desirous of +holding it firmly in its place. But one thought had become riveted in it +like a nail. I made up my mind, without fail, at any cost, to find that +man again! Why? With what object?--I did not account to myself for +that; but to find him ... to find him--that had become for me a question +of life or death! + +On the following morning my mother regained her composure at last ... +the fever passed off ... she fell asleep. Committing her to the care of +our landlord and landlady and the servants, I set out on my quest. + + + + +XI + + +First of all, as a matter of course, I betook myself to the coffee-house +where I had met the baron; but in the coffee-house no one knew him or +had even noticed him; he was a chance visitor. The proprietors had +noticed the negro--his figure had been too striking to escape notice; +but who he was, where he stayed, no one knew either. Leaving my address, +in case of an emergency, at the coffee-house, I began to walk about the +streets and the water-front of the town, the wharves, the boulevards; I +looked into all the public institutions, and nowhere did I find any one +who resembled either the baron or his companion.... As I had not caught +the baron's name, I was deprived of the possibility of appealing to the +police; but I privately gave two or three guardians of public order to +understand (they gazed at me in surprise, it is true, and did not +entirely believe me) that I would lavishly reward their zeal if they +should be successful in coming upon the traces of those two individuals, +whose personal appearance I tried to describe as minutely as possible. + +Having strolled about in this manner until dinner-time, I returned home +thoroughly worn out. My mother had got out of bed; but with her habitual +melancholy there was mingled a new element, a sort of pensive +perplexity, which cut me to the heart like a knife. I sat with her all +the evening. We said hardly anything; she laid out her game of patience, +I silently looked at her cards. She did not refer by a single word to +her story, or to what had happened the day before. It was as though we +had both entered into a compact not to touch upon those strange and +terrifying occurrences.... She appeared to be vexed with herself and +ashamed of what had involuntarily burst from her; but perhaps she did +not remember very clearly what she had said in her semi-fevered +delirium, and hoped that I would spare her.... And, in fact, I did spare +her, and she was conscious of it; as on the preceding day she avoided +meeting my eyes. + +A frightful storm had suddenly sprung up out of doors. The wind howled +and tore in wild gusts, the window-panes rattled and quivered; +despairing shrieks and groans were borne through the air, as though +something on high had broken loose and were flying with mad weeping +over the shaking houses. Just before dawn I lost myself in a doze ... +when suddenly it seemed to me as though some one had entered my room and +called me, had uttered my name, not in a loud, but in a decided voice. I +raised my head and saw no one; but, strange to relate! I not only was +not frightened--I was delighted; there suddenly arose within me the +conviction that now I should, without fail, attain my end. I hastily +dressed myself and left the house. + + + + +XII + + +The storm had subsided ... but its last flutterings could still be felt. +It was early; there were no people in the streets; in many places +fragments of chimneys, tiles, boards of fences which had been rent +asunder, the broken boughs of trees, lay strewn upon the ground.... +"What happened at sea last night?" I involuntarily thought at the sight +of the traces left behind by the storm. I started to go to the port, but +my feet bore me in another direction, as though in obedience to an +irresistible attraction. Before ten minutes had passed I found myself in +a quarter of the town which I had never yet visited. I was walking, not +fast, but without stopping, step by step, with a strange sensation at my +heart; I was expecting something remarkable, impossible, and, at the +same time, I was convinced that that impossible thing would come to +pass. + + + + +XIII + + +And lo, it came to pass, that remarkable, that unexpected thing! Twenty +paces in front of me I suddenly beheld that same negro who had spoken to +the baron in my presence at the coffee-house! Enveloped in the same +cloak which I had then noticed on him, he seemed to have popped up out +of the earth, and with his back turned toward me was walking with brisk +strides along the narrow sidewalk of the crooked alley! I immediately +dashed in pursuit of him, but he redoubled his gait, although he did not +glance behind him, and suddenly made an abrupt turn around the corner of +a projecting house. I rushed to that corner and turned it as quickly as +the negro had done.... Marvellous to relate! Before me stretched a long, +narrow, and perfectly empty street; the morning mist filled it with its +dim, leaden light,--but my gaze penetrated to its very extremity. I +could count all its buildings ... and not a single living being was +anywhere astir! The tall negro in the cloak had vanished as suddenly as +he had appeared! I was amazed ... but only for a moment. Another feeling +immediately took possession of me; that street which stretched out +before my eyes, all dumb and dead, as it were,--I recognised it! It was +the street of my dream. I trembled and shivered--the morning was so +chilly--and instantly, without the slightest wavering, with a certain +terror of confidence, I went onward. + +I began to seek with my eyes.... Yes, there it is, yonder, on the right, +with a corner projecting on the sidewalk--yonder is the house of my +dream, yonder is the ancient gate with the stone scrolls on each +side.... The house is not circular, it is true, but square ... but that +is a matter of no importance.... I knock at the gate, I knock once, +twice, thrice, ever more and more loudly.... The gate opens slowly, with +a heavy screech, as though yawning. In front of me stands a young +serving-maid with a dishevelled head and sleepy eyes. She has evidently +just waked up. + +"Does the baron live here?" I inquire, as I run a swift glance over the +deep, narrow courtyard.... It is there; it is all there ... there are +the planks which I had seen in my dream. + +"No," the maid answers me, "the baron does not live here." + +"What dost thou mean by that? It is impossible!" + +"He is not here now. He went away yesterday." + +"Whither?" + +"To America." + +"To America!" I involuntarily repeated. "But he is coming back?" + +The maid looked suspiciously at me. + +"I don't know. Perhaps he will not come back at all." + +"But has he been living here long?" + +"No, not long; about a week. Now he is not here at all." + +"But what was the family name of that baron?" + +The maid-servant stared at me. + +"Don't you know his name? We simply called him the baron. Hey, there! +Piotr!" she cried, perceiving that I was pushing my way in.--"come +hither: some stranger or other is asking all sorts of questions." + +From the house there presented itself the shambling figure of a robust +labourer. + +"What's the matter? What's wanted?" he inquired in a hoarse voice,--and +having listened to me with a surly mien, he repeated what the +maid-servant had said. + +"But who does live here?" I said. + +"Our master." + +"And who is he?" + +"A carpenter. They are all carpenters in this street." + +"Can he be seen?" + +"Impossible now, he is asleep." + +"And cannot I go into the house?" + +"No; go your way." + +"Well, and can I see your master a little later?" + +"Why not? Certainly. He can always be seen.... That's his business as a +dealer. Only, go your way now. See how early it is." + +"Well, and how about that negro?" I suddenly asked. + +The labourer stared in amazement, first at me, then at the maid-servant. + +"What negro?" he said at last.--"Go away, sir. You can come back later. +Talk with the master." + +I went out into the street. The gate was instantly banged behind me, +heavily and sharply, without squeaking this time. + +I took good note of the street and house and went away, but not home.--I +felt something in the nature of disenchantment. Everything which had +happened to me was so strange, so remarkable--and yet, how stupidly it +had been ended! I had been convinced that I should behold in that house +the room which was familiar to me--and in the middle of it my father, +the baron, in a dressing-gown and with a pipe.... And instead of that, +the master of the house was a carpenter, and one might visit him as much +as one pleased,--and order furniture of him if one wished! + +But my father had gone to America! And what was left for me to do +now?... Tell my mother everything, or conceal forever the very memory of +that meeting? I was absolutely unable to reconcile myself to the thought +that such a senseless, such a commonplace ending should be tacked on to +such a supernatural, mysterious beginning! + +I did not wish to return home, and walked straight ahead, following my +nose, out of the town. + + + + +XIV + + +I walked along with drooping head, without a thought, almost without +sensation, but wholly engrossed in myself.--A measured, dull and angry +roar drew me out of my torpor. I raised my head: it was the sea roaring +and booming fifty paces from me. Greatly agitated by the nocturnal +storm, the sea was a mass of white-caps to the very horizon, and steep +crests of long breakers were rolling in regularly and breaking on the +flat shore, I approached it, and walked along the very line left by the +ebb and flow on the yellow, ribbed sand, strewn with fragments of +trailing seawrack, bits of shells, serpent-like ribbons of eel-grass. +Sharp-winged gulls with pitiful cry, borne on the wind from the distant +aerial depths, soared white as snow against the grey, cloudy sky, +swooped down abruptly, and as though skipping from wave to wave, +departed again and vanished like silvery flecks in the strips of +swirling foam. Some of them, I noticed, circled persistently around a +large isolated boulder which rose aloft in the midst of the monotonous +expanse of sandy shores. Coarse seaweed grew in uneven tufts on one side +of the rock; and at the point where its tangled stems emerged from the +yellow salt-marsh, there was something black, and long, and arched, and +not very large.... I began to look more intently.... Some dark object +was lying there--lying motionless beside the stone.... That object +became constantly clearer and more distinct the nearer I approached.... + +I was only thirty paces from the rock now.... Why, that was the outline +of a human body! It was a corpse; it was a drowned man, cast up by the +sea! I went clear up to the rock. + +It was the corpse of the baron, my father! I stopped short, as though +rooted to the spot. Then only did I understand that ever since daybreak +I had been guided by some unknown forces--that I was in their +power,--and for the space of several minutes there was nothing in my +soul save the ceaseless crashing of the sea, and a dumb terror in the +presence of the Fate which held me in its grip.... + + + + +XV + + +He was lying on his back, bent a little to one side, with his left arm +thrown above his head ... the right was turned under his bent body. The +sticky slime had sucked in the tips of his feet, shod in tall sailor's +boots; the short blue pea-jacket, all impregnated with sea-salt, had not +unbuttoned; a red scarf encircled his neck in a hard knot. The swarthy +face, turned skyward, seemed to be laughing; from beneath the upturned +upper lip small close-set teeth were visible; the dim pupils of the +half-closed eyes were hardly to be distinguished from the darkened +whites; covered with bubbles of foam the dirt-encrusted hair spread out +over the ground and laid bare the smooth forehead with the purplish line +of the scar; the narrow nose rose up like a sharp, white streak between +the sunken cheeks. The storm of the past night had done its work.... He +had not beheld America! The man who had insulted my mother, who had +marred her life, my father--yes! my father, I could cherish no doubt as +to that--lay stretched out helpless in the mud at my feet. I experienced +a sense of satisfied vengeance, and compassion, and repulsion, and +terror most of all ... of twofold terror; terror of what I had seen, and +of what had come to pass. That evil, that criminal element of which I +have already spoken, those incomprehensible spasms rose up within +me ... stifled me. + +"Aha!" I thought to myself: "so that is why I am what I am.... That is +where blood tells!" I stood beside the corpse and gazed and waited, to +see whether those dead pupils would not stir, whether those benumbed +lips would not quiver. No! everything was motionless; the very seaweed, +among which the surf had cast him, seemed to have congealed; even the +gulls had flown away--there was not a fragment anywhere, not a plank or +any broken rigging. There was emptiness everywhere ... only he--and +I--and the foaming sea in the distance. I cast a glance behind me; the +same emptiness was there; a chain of hillocks on the horizon ... that +was all! + +I dreaded to leave that unfortunate man in that loneliness, in the ooze +of the shore, to be devoured by fishes and birds; an inward voice told +me that I ought to hunt up some men and call them thither, if not to +aid--that was out of the question--at least for the purpose of laying +him out, of bearing him beneath an inhabited roof.... But indescribable +terror suddenly took possession of me. It seemed to me as though that +dead man knew that I had come thither, that he himself had arranged that +last meeting--it even seemed as though I could hear that dull, familiar +muttering.... I ran off to one side ... looked behind me once more.... +Something shining caught my eye; it brought me to a standstill. It was +a golden hoop on the outstretched hand of the corpse.... I recognised my +mother's wedding-ring. I remember how I forced myself to return, to go +close, to bend down.... I remember the sticky touch of the cold fingers, +I remember how I panted and puckered up my eyes and gnashed my teeth, as +I tugged persistently at the ring.... + +At last I got it off--and I fled--fled away, in headlong flight,--and +something darted after me, and overtook me and caught me. + + + + +XVI + + +Everything which I had gone through and endured was, probably, written +on my face when I returned home. My mother suddenly rose upright as soon +as I entered her room, and gazed at me with such insistent inquiry that, +after having unsuccessfully attempted to explain myself, I ended by +silently handing her the ring. She turned frightfully pale, her eyes +opened unusually wide and turned dim like _his_.--She uttered a faint +cry, seized the ring, reeled, fell upon my breast, and fairly swooned +there, with her head thrown back and devouring me with those wide, mad +eyes. I encircled her waist with both arms, and standing still on one +spot, never stirring, I slowly narrated everything, without the +slightest reservation, to her, in a quiet voice: my dream and the +meeting, and everything, everything.... She heard me out to the end, +only her breast heaved more and more strongly, and her eyes suddenly +grew more animated and drooped. Then she put the ring on her fourth +finger, and, retreating a little, began to get out a mantilla and a hat. +I asked where she was going. She raised a surprised glance to me and +tried to answer, but her voice failed her. She shuddered several times, +rubbed her hands as though endeavouring to warm herself, and at last she +said: "Let us go at once thither." + +"Whither, mother dear?" + +"Where he is lying.... I want to see ... I want to know ... I shall +identify...." + +I tried to persuade her not to go; but she was almost in hysterics. I +understood that it was impossible to oppose her desire, and we set out. + + + + +XVII + + +And lo, again I am walking over the sand of the dunes, but I am no +longer alone, I am walking arm in arm with my mother. The sea has +retreated, has gone still further away; it is quieting down; but even +its diminished roar is menacing and ominous. Here, at last, the solitary +rock has shown itself ahead of us--and there is the seaweed. I look +intently, I strive to distinguish that rounded object lying on the +ground--but I see nothing. We approach closer. I involuntarily retard my +steps. But where is that black, motionless thing? Only the stalks of the +seaweed stand out darkly against the sand, which is already dry.... We +go to the very rock.... The corpse is nowhere to be seen, and only on +the spot where it had lain there still remains a depression, and one can +make out where the arms and legs lay.... Round about the seaweed seems +tousled, and the traces of one man's footsteps are discernible; they go +across the down, then disappear on reaching the flinty ridge. + +My mother and I exchange glances and are ourselves frightened at what we +read on our own faces.... + +Can he have got up of himself and gone away? + +"But surely thou didst behold him dead?" she asks in a whisper. + +I can only nod my head. Three hours have not elapsed since I stumbled +upon the baron's body.... Some one had discovered it and carried it +away.--I must find out who had done it, and what had become of him. + +But first of all I must attend to my mother. + + + + +XVIII + + +While she was on her way to the fatal spot she was in a fever, but she +controlled herself. The disappearance of the corpse had startled her as +the crowning misfortune. She was stupefied. I feared for her reason. +With great difficulty I got her home. I put her to bed again; again I +called the doctor for her; but as soon as my mother partly recovered her +senses she at once demanded that I should instantly set out in search of +"that man." I obeyed. But, despite all possible measures, I discovered +nothing. I went several times to the police-office, I visited all the +villages in the neighbourhood, I inserted several advertisements in the +newspapers, I made inquiries in every direction--all in vain! It is true +that I did hear that a drowned man had been found at one of the hamlets +on the seashore.... I immediately hastened thither, but he was already +buried, and from all the tokens he did not resemble the baron. I found +out on what ship he had sailed for America. At first every one was +positive that that ship had perished during the tempest; but several +months afterward rumours began to circulate to the effect that it had +been seen at anchor in the harbour of New York. Not knowing what to do, +I set about hunting up the negro whom I had seen.--I offered him, +through the newspapers, a very considerable sum of money if he would +present himself at our house. A tall negro in a cloak actually did come +to the house in my absence.... But after questioning the servant-maid, +he suddenly went away and returned no more. + +And thus the trace of my ... my father grew cold; thus did it vanish +irrevocably in the mute gloom. My mother and I never spoke of him. Only, +one day, I remember that she expressed surprise at my never having +alluded before to my strange dream; and then she added: "Of course, it +really ..." and did not finish her sentence. + +My mother was ill for a long time, and after her convalescence our +former relations were not reestablished. She felt awkward in my presence +until the day of her death.... Precisely that, awkward. And there was no +way of helping her in her grief. Everything becomes smoothed down, the +memories of the most tragic family events gradually lose their force and +venom; but if a feeling of awkwardness has been set up between two +closely-connected persons, it is impossible to extirpate it! + +I have never again had that dream which had been wont so to disturb me; +I no longer "search for" my father; but it has sometimes seemed to +me--and it seems so to me to this day--that in my sleep I hear distant +shrieks, unintermittent, melancholy plaints; they resound somewhere +behind a lofty wall, across which it is impossible to clamber; they +rend my heart--and I am utterly unable to comprehend what it is: whether +it is a living man groaning, or whether I hear the wild, prolonged roar +of the troubled sea. And now it passes once more into that beast-like +growl--and I awake with sadness and terror in my soul. + + + + + + +FATHER ALEXYEI'S STORY + +(1877) + + + + +Twenty years ago I was obliged--in my capacity of private inspector--to +make the circuit of all my aunt's rather numerous estates. The parish +priests, with whom I regarded it as my duty to make acquaintance, proved +to be individuals of pretty much one pattern, and made after one model, +as it were. At length, in about the last of the estates which I was +inspecting, I hit upon a priest who did not resemble his brethren. He +was a very aged man, almost decrepit; and had it not been for the urgent +entreaties of his parishioners, who loved and respected him, he would +long before have petitioned to be retired that he might rest. Two +peculiarities impressed me in Father Alexyei (that was the priest's +name). In the first place, he not only asked nothing for himself but +announced plainly that he required nothing; and, in the second place, I +have never beheld in any human face a more sorrowful, thoroughly +indifferent--what is called an "overwhelmed"--expression. The features +of that face were of the ordinary rustic type: a wrinkled forehead, +small grey eyes, a large nose, a wedge-shaped beard, a swarthy, +sunburned skin.... But the expression! ... the expression!... In that +dim gaze life barely burned, and sadly at that; and his voice also was, +somehow, lifeless and dim. + +I fell ill and kept my bed for several days. Father Alexyei dropped in +to see me in the evenings, not to chat, but to play "fool."[16] The game +of cards seemed to divert him more than it did me. One day, after having +been left "the fool" several times in succession (which delighted Father +Alexyei not a little), I turned the conversation on his past life, on +the afflictions which had left on him such manifest traces. Father +Alexyei remained obdurate for a long time at first, but ended by +relating to me his story. He must have taken a liking to me for some +reason or other. Otherwise he would not have been so frank with me. + +I shall endeavour to transmit his story in his own words. Father Alexyei +talked very simply and intelligently, without any seminary or provincial +tricks and turns of speech. It was not the first time I had noticed that +Russians, of all classes and callings, who have been violently shattered +and humbled express themselves precisely in such language. + +... I had a good and sedate wife [thus he began], I loved her heartily, +and we begat eight children. One of my sons became a bishop, and died +not so very long ago, in his diocese. I shall now tell you about my +other son,--Yakoff was his name. I sent him to the seminary in the town +of T----, and soon began to receive the most comforting reports about +him. He was the best pupil in all the branches! Even at home, in his +boyhood, he had been distinguished for his diligence and discretion; a +whole day would sometimes pass without one's hearing him ... he would be +sitting all the time over his book, reading. He never caused me and my +wife[17] the slightest displeasure; he was a meek lad. Only sometimes he +was thoughtful beyond his years, and his health was rather weak. Once +something remarkable happened to him. He left the house at daybreak, on +St. Peter's day,[18] and was gone almost all the morning. At last he +returned. My wife and I ask him: "Where hast thou been?" + +"I have been for a ramble in the forest," says he, "and there I met a +certain little green old man, who talked a great deal with me, and gave +me such savoury nuts!" + +"What little green old man art thou talking about?" we ask him. + +"I don't know," says he; "I never saw him before. He was a little old +man with a hump, and he kept shifting from one to the other of his +little feet, and laughing--and he was all green, just like a leaf." + +"What," say we, "and was his face green also?" + +"Yes, his face, and his hair, and even his eyes." + +Our son had never lied to us; but this time my wife and I had our +doubts. + +"Thou must have fallen asleep in the forest, in the heat of the day, and +have seen that old man in thy dreams." + +"I wasn't asleep at all," says he. "Why, don't you believe me?" says +he. "See here, I have one of the nuts left in my pocket." + +Yakoff pulled the nut out of his pocket and showed it to us.--The kernel +was small, in the nature of a chestnut, and rather rough; it did not +resemble our ordinary nuts. I laid it aside, and intended to show it to +the doctor ... but it got lost.... I did not find it again. + +Well, sir, so we sent him to the seminary, and, as I have already +informed you, he rejoiced us by his success. So my spouse and I assumed +that he would turn out a fine man! When he came for a sojourn at home it +was a pleasure to look at him; he was so comely, and there was no +mischief about him;--every one liked him, every one congratulated us. +Only he was still rather thin of body, and there was no real good +rosiness in his face. So then, he was already in his nineteenth year, +and his education would soon be finished. When suddenly we receive from +him a letter.--He writes to us: "Dear father and mother, be not wroth +with me, permit me to be a layman;[19] my heart does not incline to the +ecclesiastical profession, I dread the responsibility, I am afraid I +shall sin--doubts have taken hold upon me! Without your parental +permission and blessing I shall venture on nothing--but one thing I will +tell you; I am afraid of myself, for I have begun to think a great +deal." + +I assure you, my dear sir, that this letter made me very sad,--as though +a boar-spear had pricked my heart,--for I saw that I should have no one +to take my place![20] My eldest son was a monk; and this one wanted to +abandon his vocation altogether. I was also pained because priests from +our family have lived in our parish for close upon two hundred years. +But I thought to myself: "There's no use in kicking against the pricks; +evidently, so it was predestined for him. What sort of a pastor would he +be if he has admitted doubt to his mind?" I took counsel with my wife, +and wrote to him in the following sense: + +"Think it over well, my son Yakoff; measure ten times before you cut +off once--there are great difficulties in the worldly service, cold and +hunger, and scorn for our caste! And thou must know beforehand that no +one will lend a hand to aid; so see to it that thou dost not repine +afterward. My desire, as thou knowest, has always been that thou +shouldst succeed me; but if thou really hast come to cherish doubts as +to thy calling and hast become unsteady in the faith, then it is not my +place to restrain thee. The Lord's will be done! Thy mother and I will +not refuse thee our blessing." + +Yakoff answered me with a grateful letter. "Thou hast rejoiced me, dear +father," said he. "It is my intention to devote myself to the profession +of learning, and I have some protection; I shall enter the university +and become a doctor, for I feel a strong bent for science." I read +Yashka's letter and became sadder than before; but I did not share my +grief with any one. My old woman caught a severe cold about that time +and died--from that same cold, or the Lord took her to Himself because +He loved her, I know not which. I used to weep and weep because I was a +lonely widower--but what help was there for that?[21] So it had to be, +you know. And I would have been glad to go into the earth ... but it is +hard ... it will not open. And I was expecting my son; for he had +notified me: "Before I go to Moscow," he said, "I shall look in at +home." And he did come to the parental roof, but did not remain there +long. It seemed as though something were urging him on; he would have +liked, apparently, to fly on wings to Moscow, to his beloved university! +I began to question him as to his doubts. "What was the cause of them?" +I asked. But I did not get much out of him. One idea had pushed itself +into his head, and that was the end of it! "I want to help my +neighbours," he said.--Well, sir, he left me. I don't believe he took a +penny with him, only a few clothes. He had such reliance on himself! And +not without reason. He passed an excellent examination, matriculated as +student, obtained lessons in private houses.... He was very strong on +the ancient languages! And what think you? He took it into his head to +send me money. I cheered up a little,--not on account of the money, of +course,--I sent that back to him, and even scolded him; but I cheered up +because I saw that the young fellow would make his way in the world. But +my rejoicing did not last long.... + +He came to me for his first vacation.... And, what marvel is this? I do +not recognise my Yakoff! He had grown so tiresome and surly,--you +couldn't get a word out of him. And his face had changed also: he had +grown about ten years older. He had been taciturn before, there's no +denying that! At the slightest thing he would grow shy and blush like a +girl.... But when he raised his eyes, you could see that all was bright +in his soul! But now it was quite different. He was not shy, but he held +aloof, like a wolf, and was always looking askance. He had neither a +smile nor a greeting for any one--he was just like a stone! If I +undertook to interrogate him, he would either remain silent or snarl. I +began to wonder whether he had taken to drink--which God forbid!--or had +conceived a passion for cards; or whether something in the line of a +weakness for women had happened to him. In youth love-longings act +powerfully,--well, and in such a large city as Moscow bad examples and +occasions are not lacking. But no; nothing of that sort was discernible. +His drink was kvas[22] and water; he never looked at the female sex--and +had no intercourse with people in general. And what was most bitter of +all to me, he did not have his former confidence in me; a sort of +indifference had made its appearance, just as though everything belonging +to him had become loathsome to him. I turned the conversation on the +sciences, on the university, but even there could get no real answer. He +went to church, but he was not devoid of peculiarities there also; +everywhere he was grim and scowling, but in church he seemed always +to be grinning. + +After this fashion he spent six weeks with me, then went back to Moscow. +From Moscow he wrote to me twice, and it seemed to me, from his letters, +as though he were regaining his sensibilities. But picture to yourself +my surprise, my dear sir! Suddenly, in the very middle of the winter, +just before the Christmas holidays, he presents himself before me! + +"How didst thou get here? How is this? What's the matter? I know that +thou hast no vacation at this time.--Dost thou come from Moscow?"--I +ask. + +"Yes." + +"And how about ... the university?" + +"I have left the university." + +"Thou hast left it?" + +"Just so." + +"For good?" + +"For good." + +"But art thou ill, pray, Yakoff?" + +"No, father," says he, "I am not ill; but just don't bother me and +question me, dear father, or I will go away from here--and that's the +last thou wilt ever see of me." + +Yakoff tells me that he is not ill, but his face is such that I am +fairly frightened. It was dreadful, dark--not human, actually!--His +cheeks were drawn, his cheek-bones projected, he was mere skin and bone; +his voice sounded as though it proceeded from a barrel ... while his +eyes.... O Lord and Master! what eyes!--menacing, wild, incessantly +darting from side to side, and it was impossible to catch them; his +brows were knit, his lips seemed to be twisted on one side.... What had +happened to my Joseph Most Fair,[23] to my quiet lad? I cannot +comprehend it. "Can he have gone crazy?" I say to myself. He roams about +like a spectre by night, he does not sleep,--and then, all of a sudden, +he will take to staring into a corner as though he were completely +benumbed.... It was enough to scare one! + +Although he had threatened to leave the house if I did not leave him in +peace, yet surely I was his father! My last hope was ruined--yet I was +to hold my tongue! So one day, availing myself of an opportunity, I +began to entreat Yakoff with tears, I began to adjure him by the memory +of his dead mother: + +"Tell me," I said, "as thy father in the flesh and in the spirit, Yasha, +what aileth thee? Do not kill me; explain thyself, lighten thy heart! +Can it be that thou hast ruined some Christian soul? If so, repent!" + +"Well, dear father," he suddenly says to me (this took place toward +nightfall), "thou hast moved me to compassion. I will tell thee the +whole truth. I have not ruined any Christian soul--but my own soul is +going to perdition." + +"How is that?" + +"In this way...." And thereupon Yakoff raised his eyes to mine for the +first time.--"It is going on four months now," he began.... But suddenly +he broke off and began to breathe heavily. + +"What about the fourth month? Tell me, do not make me suffer!" + +"This is the fourth month that I have been seeing him." + +"Him? Who is he?" + +"Why, the person ... whom it is awkward to mention at night." + +I fairly turned cold all over and fell to quaking. + +"What?!" I said, "dost thou see _him_?" + +"Yes." + +"And dost thou see him now?" + +"Yes." + +"Where?" And I did not dare to turn round, and we both spoke in a +whisper. + +"Why, yonder ..." and he indicated the spot with his eyes ... "yonder, +in the corner." + +I summoned up my courage and looked at the corner; there was nothing +there. + +"Why, good gracious, there is nothing there, Yakoff!" + +"_Thou_ dost not see him, but I do." + +Again I glanced round ... again nothing. Suddenly there recurred to my +mind the little old man in the forest who had given him the chestnut. +"What does he look like?" I said.... "Is he green?" + +"No, he is not green, but black." + +"Has he horns?" + +"No, he is like a man,--only all black." + +As Yakoff speaks he displays his teeth in a grin and turns as pale as a +corpse, and huddles up to me in terror; and his eyes seem on the point +of popping out of his head, and he keeps staring at the corner. + +"Why, it is a shadow glimmering faintly," I say. "That is the blackness +from a shadow, but thou mistakest it for a man." + +"Nothing of the sort!--And I see his eyes: now he is rolling up the +whites, now he is raising his hand, he is calling me." + +"Yakoff, Yakoff, thou shouldst try to pray; this obsession would +disperse. Let God arise and His enemies shall be scattered!" + +"I have tried," says he, "but it has no effect." + +"Wait, wait, Yakoff, do not lose thy courage. I will fumigate with +incense; I will recite a prayer; I will sprinkle holy water around +thee." + +Yakoff merely waved his hand. "I believe neither in thy incense nor in +holy water; they don't help worth a farthing. I cannot get rid of him +now. Ever since he came to me last summer, on one accursed day, he has +been my constant visitor, and he cannot be driven away, Understand this, +father, and do not wonder any longer at my behaviour--and do not torment +me." + +"On what day did he come to thee?" I ask him, and all the while I am +making the sign of the cross over him. "Was it not when thou didst write +about thy doubts?" + +Yakoff put away my hand. + +"Let me alone, dear father," says he, "don't excite me to wrath lest +worse should come of it. I'm not far from laying hands on myself, as it +is." + +You can imagine, my dear sir, how I felt when I heard that.... I +remember that I wept all night. "How have I deserved such wrath from the +Lord?" I thought to myself. + +At this point Father Alexyei drew from his pocket a checked handkerchief +and began to blow his nose, and stealthily wiped his eyes, by the way. + +A bad time began for us then [he went on]. I could think of but one +thing: how to prevent him from running away, or--which the Lord +forbid!--of actually doing himself some harm! I watched his every step, +and was afraid to enter into conversation.--And there dwelt near us at +that time a neighbour, the widow of a colonel, Marfa Savishna was her +name; I cherished a great respect for her, because she was a quiet, +sensible woman, in spite of the fact that she was young and comely. I +was in the habit of going to her house frequently, and she did not +despise my vocation.[24] Not knowing, in my grief and anguish, what to +do, I just told her all about it.--At first she was greatly alarmed, and +even thoroughly frightened; but later on she became thoughtful. For a +long time she deigned to sit thus, in silence; and then she expressed a +wish to see my son and converse with him. And I felt that I ought +without fail to comply with her wish; for it was not feminine curiosity +which prompted it in this case, but something else. + +On returning home I began to persuade Yakoff. "Come with me to see the +colonel's widow," I said to him. + +He began to flourish his legs and arms! + +"I won't go to her," says he, "not on any account! What shall I talk to +her about?" He even began to shout at me. But at last I conquered him, +and hitching up my little sledge, I drove him to Marfa Savishna's, and, +according to our compact, I left him alone with her. I was surprised at +his having consented so speedily. Well, never mind,--we shall see. Three +or four hours later my Yakoff returns. + +"Well," I ask, "how did our little neighbour please thee?" + +He made me no answer. I asked him again. + +"She is a virtuous woman," I said.--"I suppose she was amiable with +thee?" + +"Yes," he says, "she is not like the others." + +I saw that he seemed to have softened a little. And I made up my mind to +question him then and there.... + +"And how about the obsession?" I said. + +Yakoff looked at me as though I had lashed him with a whip, and again +made no reply. I did not worry him further, and left the room; and an +hour later I went to the door and peeped through the keyhole.... And +what do you think?--My Yasha was asleep! He was lying on the couch and +sleeping. I crossed myself several times in succession. "May the Lord +send Marfa Savishna every blessing!" I said. "Evidently, she has managed +to touch his embittered heart, the dear little dove!" + +The next day I see Yakoff take his cap.... I think to myself: "Shall I +ask him whither he is going?--But no, better not ask ... it certainly +must be to her!"... And, in point of fact, Yakoff did set off for Marfa +Savishna's house--and sat with her still longer than before; and on the +day following he did it again! Then again, the next day but one! My +spirits began to revive, for I saw that a change was coming over my son, +and his face had grown quite different, and it was becoming possible to +look into his eyes: he did not turn away. He was just as depressed as +ever, but his former despair and terror had disappeared. But before I +had recovered my cheerfulness to any great extent everything again broke +off short! Yakoff again became wild, and again it was impossible to +approach him. He sat locked up in his little room, and went no more to +the widow's. + +"Can it be possible," I thought, "that he has hurt her feelings in some +way, and she has forbidden him the house?--But no," I thought ... +"although he is unhappy he would not dare to do such a thing; and +besides, she is not that sort of woman." + +At last I could endure it no longer, and I interrogated him: "Well, +Yakoff, how about our neighbour?... Apparently thou hast forgotten her +altogether." + +But he fairly roared at me:--"Our neighbour? Dost thou want _him_ to +jeer at me?" + +"What?" I say.--Then he even clenched his fists and ... got perfectly +furious. + +"Yes!" he says; and formerly he had only towered up after a fashion, but +now he began to laugh and show his teeth.--"Away! Begone!" + +To whom these words were addressed I know not! My legs would hardly bear +me forth, to such a degree was I frightened. Just imagine: his face was +the colour of red copper, he was foaming at the mouth, his voice was +hoarse, exactly as though some one were choking him!... And that very +same day I went--I, the orphan of orphans--to Marfa Savishna ... and +found her in great affliction. Even her outward appearance had undergone +a change: she had grown thin in the face. But she would not talk with me +about my son. Only one thing she did say: that no human aid could effect +anything in that case. "Pray, father," she said,--and then she presented +me with one hundred rubles,--"for the poor and sick of your parish," she +said. And again she repeated: "Pray!"--O Lord! As if I had not prayed +without that--prayed day and night! + +Here Father Alexyei again pulled out his handkerchief, and again wiped +away his tears, but not by stealth this time, and after resting for a +little while, he resumed his cheerless narrative. + +Yakoff and I then began to descend as a snowball rolls down hill, and +both of us could see that an abyss lay at the foot of the hill; but how +were we to hold back, and what measures could we take? And it was +utterly impossible to conceal this; my entire parish was greatly +disturbed, and said: "The priest's son has gone mad; he is possessed of +devils,--and the authorities ought to be informed of all this."--And +people infallibly would have informed the authorities had not my +parishioners taken pity on me ... for which I thank them. In the +meantime winter was drawing to an end, and spring was approaching.--And +such a spring as God sent!--fair and bright, such as even the old people +could not remember: the sun shone all day long, there was no wind, and +the weather was warm! And then a happy thought occurred to me: to +persuade Yakoff to go off with me to do reverence to Mitrofany, in +Voronezh. "If that last remedy is of no avail," I thought, "well, then, +there is but one hope left--the grave!" + +So I was sitting one day on the porch just before evening, and the +sunset glow was flaming in the sky, and the larks were warbling, and the +apple-trees were in bloom, and the grass was growing green.... I was +sitting and meditating how I could communicate my intention to Yakoff. +Suddenly, lo and behold! he came out on the porch; he stood, gazed +around, sighed, and sat down on the step by my side. I was even +frightened out of joy, but I did nothing except hold my tongue. But he +sits and looks at the sunset glow, and not a word does he utter either. +But it seemed to me as though he had become softened, the furrows on his +brow had been smoothed away, his eyes had even grown bright.... A little +more, it seemed, and a tear would have burst forth! On beholding such a +change in him I--excuse me!--grew bold. + +"Yakoff," I said to him, "do thou hearken to me without anger...." And +then I informed him of my intention; how we were both to go to Saint +Mitrofany on foot; and it is about one hundred and fifty versts to +Voronezh from our parts; and how pleasant it would be for us two, in the +spring chill, having risen before dawn, to walk and walk over the green +grass, along the highway; and how, if we made proper obeisance and +prayed before the shrine of the holy man, perhaps--who knows?--the Lord +God would show mercy upon us, and he would receive healing, of which +there had already been many instances. And just imagine my happiness, my +dear sir! + +"Very well," says Yakoff, only he does not turn round, but keeps on +gazing at the sky.--"I consent. Let us go." + +I was fairly stupefied.... + +"My friend," I say, "my dear little dove, my benefactor!"... But he asks +me: + +"When shall we set out?" + +"Why, to-morrow, if thou wilt," I say. + +So on the following day we started. We slung wallets over our shoulders, +took staves in our hands, and set forth. For seven whole days we trudged +on, and all the while the weather favoured us, and was even downright +wonderful! There was neither sultry heat nor rain; the flies did not +bite, the dust did not make us itch. And every day my Yakoff acquired a +better aspect. I must tell you that Yakoff had not been in the habit of +seeing _that one_ in the open air, but had felt him behind him, close to +his back, or his shadow had seemed to be gliding alongside, which +troubled my son greatly. But on this occasion nothing of that sort +happened, and nothing made its appearance. We talked very little +together ... but how greatly at our ease we felt--especially I! I saw +that my poor boy was coming to life again. I cannot describe to you, my +dear sir, what my feelings were then.--Well, we reached Voronezh at +last. We cleaned up ourselves and washed ourselves, and went to the +cathedral, to the holy man. For three whole days we hardly left the +temple. How many prayer-services we celebrated, how many candles we +placed before the holy pictures! And everything was going well, +everything was fine; the days were devout, the nights were tranquil; my +Yakoff slept like an infant. He began to talk to me of his own accord. +He would ask: "Dost thou see nothing, father dear?" and smile. "No, I +see nothing," I would answer.--What more could be demanded? My gratitude +to the saint was unbounded. + +Three days passed; I said to Yakoff: "Well, now, dear son, the matter +has been set in order; there's a festival in our street. One thing +remains to be done; do thou make thy confession and receive the +communion; and then, with God's blessing, we will go our way, and after +having got duly rested, and worked a bit on the farm to increase thy +strength, thou mayest bestir thyself and find a place--and Marfa +Savishna will certainly help us in that," I said. + +"No," said Yakoff, "why should we trouble her? But I will take her a +ring from Mitrofany's hand." + +Thereupon I was greatly encouraged. "See to it," I said, "that thou +takest a silver ring, not a gold one,--not a wedding-ring!" + +My Yakoff flushed up and merely repeated that it was not proper to +trouble her, but immediately assented to all the rest.--We went to the +cathedral on the following day; my Yakoff made his confession, and +prayed so fervently before it! And then he went forward to take the +communion. I was standing a little to one side, and did not feel the +earth under me for joy.... It is no sweeter for the angels in heaven! +But as I look--what is the meaning of that?--My Yakoff has received the +communion, but does not go to sip the warm water and wine![25] He is +standing with his back to me.... I go to him. + +"Yakoff," I say, "why art thou standing here?" + +He suddenly wheels round. Will you believe it, I sprang back, so +frightened was I!--His face had been dreadful before, but now it had +become ferocious, frightful! He was as pale as death, his hair stood on +end, his eyes squinted.... I even lost my voice with terror. I tried to +speak and could not; I was perfectly benumbed.... And he fairly rushed +out of the church! I ran after him ... but he fled straight to the +tavern where we had put up, flung his wallet over his shoulder, and away +he flew! + +"Whither?" I shouted to him. "Yakoff, what aileth thee? Stop, wait!" + +But Yakoff never uttered a word in reply to me, but ran like a hare, and +it was utterly impossible to overtake him! He disappeared from sight. I +immediately turned back, hired a cart, and trembled all over, and all I +could say was: "O Lord!" and, "O Lord!" And I understood nothing: some +calamity had descended upon us! I set out for home, for I thought, "He +has certainly fled thither."--And so he had. Six versts out of the town +I espied him; he was striding along the highway. I overtook him, jumped +out of the cart, and rushed to him. + +"Yasha! Yasha!"--He halted, turned his face toward me, but kept his eyes +fixed on the ground and compressed his lips. And say what I would to +him, he stood there just like a statue, and one could just see that he +was breathing. And at last he trudged on again along the highway.--What +was there to do? I followed him.... + +Akh, what a journey that was, my dear sir! Great as had been our joy on +the way to Voronezh, just so great was the horror of the return! I would +try to speak to him, and he would begin to gnash his teeth at me over +his shoulder, precisely like a tiger or a hyena! Why I did not go mad I +do not understand to this day! And at last, one night, in a peasant's +chicken-house, he was sitting on the platform over the oven and dangling +his feet and gazing about on all sides, when I fell on my knees before +him and began to weep, and besought him with bitter entreaty: + +"Do not slay thy old father outright," I said; "do not let him fall +into despair--tell me what has happened to thee?" + +He glanced at me as though he did not see who was before him, and +suddenly began to speak, but in such a voice that it rings in my ears +even now. + +"Listen, daddy," said he. "Dost thou wish to know the whole truth? When +I had taken the communion, thou wilt remember, and still held the +particle[26] in my mouth, suddenly _he_ (and that was in the church, in +the broad daylight!) stood in front of me, just as though he had sprung +out of the ground, and whispered to me ... (but he had never spoken to +me before)--whispered: 'Spit it out, and grind it to powder!' I did so; +I spat it out, and ground it under foot. And now it must be that I am +lost forever, for every sin shall be forgiven, save the sin against the +Holy Spirit...." + +And having uttered these dreadful words, my son threw himself back on +the platform and I dropped down on the floor of the hut.... My legs +failed me.... + +Father Alexyei paused for a moment, and covered his eyes with his hand. + +But why should I weary you longer [he went on], and myself? My son and I +dragged ourselves home, and there he soon afterward expired, and I lost +my Yasha. For several days before his death he neither ate nor drank, +but kept running back and forth in the room and repeating that there +could be no forgiveness for his sin.... But he never saw _him_ again. +"He has ruined my soul," he said; "and why should he come any more +now?" And when Yakoff took to his bed, he immediately sank into +unconsciousness, and thus, without repentance, like a senseless worm, +he went from this life to life eternal.... + +But I will not believe that the Lord judged harshly.... + +And among other reasons why I do not believe it is, that he looked so +well in his coffin; he seemed to have grown young again and resembled +the Yakoff of days gone by. His face was so tranquil and pure, his hair +curled in little rings, and there was a smile on his lips. Marfa +Savishna came to look at him, and said the same thing. She encircled him +all round with flowers, and laid flowers on his heart, and set up the +gravestone at her own expense. + +And I was left alone.... And that is why, my dear sir, you have beheld +such great grief on my face.... It will never pass off---and it cannot. + +I wanted to speak a word of comfort to Father Alexyei ... but could +think of none. We parted soon after. + + + + + + +OLD PORTRAITS[27] + +(1881) + + + + +About forty versts from our village there dwelt, many years ago, the +great-uncle of my mother, a retired Sergeant of the Guards and a fairly +wealthy landed proprietor, Alexyei Sergyeitch Telyegin, on his ancestral +estate, Sukhodol. He never went anywhere himself, and therefore did not +visit us; but I was sent to pay my respects to him a couple of times a +year, at first with my governor, and later on alone. Alexyei Sergyeitch +always received me very cordially, and I spent three or four days with +him. He was already an old man when I made his acquaintance; I remember +that I was twelve years old at my first visit, and he was already over +seventy. He had been born under the Empress Elizabeth, in the last year +of her reign. He lived alone with his wife, Malanya Pavlovna; she was +ten years younger than he. They had had two daughters who had been +married long before, and rarely visited Sukhodol; there had been +quarrels between them and their parents,[28] and Alexyei Sergyeitch +hardly ever mentioned them. + +I see that ancient, truly noble steppe home as though it stood before me +now. Of one story, with a huge mezzanine,[29] erected at the beginning +of the present century from wonderfully thick pine beams--such beams +were brought at that epoch from the Zhizdrin pine forests; there is no +trace of them nowadays!--it was very spacious and contained a multitude +of rooms, which were decidedly low-ceiled and dark, it is true, and the +windows were mere slits in the walls, for the sake of warmth. As was +proper, the offices and the house-serfs' cottages surrounded the +manor-house on all sides, and a park adjoined it, small but with fine +fruit-trees, pellucid apples and seedless pears; for ten versts round +about stretched out the flat, black-loam steppe. There was no lofty +object for the eye: neither a tree nor a belfry; only here and there a +windmill reared itself aloft with holes in its wings; it was a regular +Sukhodol! (Dry Valley). Inside the house the rooms were filled with +ordinary, plain furniture; rather unusual was a verst-post which stood +on a window-sill in the hall, and bore the following inscription: + +"If thou walkest 68 times around this hall,[30] thou wilt have gone a +verst; if thou goest 87 times from the extreme corner of the +drawing-room to the right corner of the billiard-room, thou wilt have +gone a verst,"--and so forth. But what most impressed the guest who +arrived for the first time was the great number of pictures hung on the +walls, for the most part the work of so-called Italian masters: ancient +landscapes, and mythological and religious subjects. But as all these +pictures had turned very black, and had even become warped, all that met +the eye was patches of flesh-colour, or a billowy red drapery on an +invisible body--or an arch which seemed suspended in the air, or a +dishevelled tree with blue foliage, or the bosom of a nymph with a large +nipple, like the cover of a soup-tureen; a sliced watermelon, with black +seeds; a turban, with a feather above a horse's head; or the gigantic, +light-brown leg of some apostle or other, with a muscular calf and +up-turned toes, suddenly protruded itself. In the drawing-room, in the +place of honour, hung a portrait of the Empress Katherine II, full +length, a copy from Lampi's well-known portrait--the object of special +reverence, one may say adoration, for the master of the house. From the +ceiling depended crystal chandeliers in bronze fittings, very small and +very dusty. + +Alexyei Sergyeitch himself was a very squat, pot-bellied, little old +man, with a plump, but agreeable face all of one colour, with sunken +lips and very vivacious little eyes beneath lofty eyebrows. He brushed +his scanty hair over the back of his head; it was only since the year +1812 that he had discarded powder. Alexyei Sergyeitch always wore a grey +"redingote" with three capes which fell over his shoulders, a striped +waistcoat, chamois-leather breeches and dark-red morocco short boots +with a heart-shaped cleft, and a tassel at the top of the leg; he wore a +white muslin neckerchief, a frill, lace cuffs, and two golden English +"onions,"[31] one in each pocket of his waistcoat. In his right hand he +generally held an enamelled snuff-box with "Spanish" snuff, while his +left rested on a cane with a silver handle which had been worn quite +smooth with long use. Alexyei Sergyeitch had a shrill, nasal voice, and +was incessantly smiling, amiably, but somewhat patronisingly, not +without a certain self-satisfied pompousness. He also laughed in an +amiable manner, with a fine, thin laugh like a string of wax pearls. He +was courteous and affable, in the ancient manner of Katherine's day, and +moved his hands slowly and with a circular motion, also in ancient +style. On account of his weak legs he could not walk, but he was wont +to trip with hurried little steps from one arm-chair to another +arm-chair, in which he suddenly seated himself--or, rather, he fell into +it, as softly as though he had been a pillow. + +As I have already said, Alexyei Sergyeitch never went anywhere, and +associated very little with the neighbours, although he was fond of +society,--for he was loquacious! He had plenty of society in his own +house, it is true: divers Nikanor Nikanoritches, Sevastyei +Sevastyeitches, Fedulitches, and Mikheitches, all poverty-stricken petty +nobles, in threadbare kazak coats and short jackets, frequently from his +own noble shoulders, dwelt beneath his roof, not to mention the poor +gentlewomen in cotton-print gowns, with black kerchiefs on their +shoulders, and worsted reticules in their tightly-clenched +fingers,--divers Avdotiya Savishnas, Pelageya Mironovnas, and plain +Fekluskas and Arinkas, who received asylum in the women's wing. No less +than fifteen persons ever sat down to Alexyei Sergyeitch's table ... he +was so hospitable!--Among all these parasites two individuals stood +forth with special prominence: a dwarf named Janus or the Two-faced, a +Dane,--or, as some asserted, of Jewish extraction,--and crazy Prince L. +In contrast to the customs of that day the dwarf did not in the least +serve as a butt for the guests, and was not a jester; on the contrary, +he maintained constant silence, wore an irate and surly mien, +contracted his brows in a frown, and gnashed his teeth as soon as any +one addressed a question to him. Alexyei Sergyeitch also called him a +philosopher, and even respected him. At table he was always the first to +be served after the guests and the master and mistress of the +house.--"God has wronged him," Alexyei Sergyeitch was wont to say: "that +was the Lord's will; but it is not my place to wrong him." + +"Why is he a philosopher?" I asked one day. (Janus did not like me. No +sooner would I approach him, than he would begin to snarl and growl +hoarsely, "Stranger! don't bother me!") + +"But God have mercy, why isn't he a philosopher?" replied Alexyei +Sergyeitch. "Just observe, my little gentleman, how finely he holds his +tongue!" + +"But why is he two-faced?" + +"Because, my young sir, he has one face outside; there it is for you, +ninny, and judge it.... But the other, the real one, he hides. And I am +the only one who knows that face, and for that I love him.... Because 't +is a good face. Thou, for example, gazest and beholdest nothing ... but +even without words, I see when he is condemning me for anything; for he +is strict! And always with reason. Which thing thou canst not +understand, young sir; but just believe me, an old man!" + +The true history of the two-faced Janus--whence he had come, how he had +got into Alexyei Sergyeitch's house--no one knew. On the other hand, the +story of Prince L. was well known to all. As a young man of twenty, he +had come from a wealthy and distinguished family to Petersburg, to serve +in a regiment of the Guards; the Empress Katherine noticed him at the +first Court reception, and halting in front of him and pointing to him +with her fan, she said, in a loud voice, addressing one of her +favourites: "Look, Adam Vasilievitch, see what a beauty! A regular +doll!" The blood flew to the poor young fellow's head. On reaching home +he ordered his calash to be harnessed up, and donning his ribbon of the +Order of Saint Anna, he started out to drive all over the town, as +though he had actually fallen into luck.--"Crush every one who does not +get out of the way!" he shouted to his coachman.--All this was +immediately brought to the Empress's knowledge; an order was issued that +he was to be adjudged insane and given in charge of his two brothers; +and the latter, without the least delay, carried him off to the country +and chained him up in a stone bag.--As they were desirous to make use of +his property, they did not release the unfortunate man even when he +recovered his senses and came to himself, but continued to keep him +incarcerated until he really did lose his mind.--But their wickedness +profited them nothing. Prince L. outlived his brothers, and after long +sufferings, found himself under the guardianship of Alexyei Sergyeitch, +who was a connection of his. He was a fat, perfectly bald man, with a +long, thin nose and blue goggle-eyes. He had got entirely out of the way +of speaking--he merely mumbled something unintelligible; but he sang the +ancient Russian ballads admirably, having retained, to extreme old age, +his silvery freshness of voice, and in his singing he enunciated every +word clearly and distinctly. Something in the nature of fury came over +him at times, and then he became terrifying. He would stand in one +corner, with his face to the wall, and all perspiring and +crimson,--crimson all over his bald head to the nape of his neck. +Emitting a malicious laugh, and stamping his feet, he would issue orders +that some one was to be castigated,--probably his brothers.--"Thrash!"-- +he yelled hoarsely, choking and coughing with laughter,--"scourge, spare +not, thrash, thrash, thrash the monsters my malefactors! That's right! +That's right!" Just before he died he greatly amazed and frightened +Alexyei Sergyeitch. He entered the latter's room all pale and quiet, and +inclining his body in obeisance to the girdle, he first returned thanks +for the asylum and oversight, and then requested that a priest might be +sent for; for Death had come to him--he had beheld her--and he must +pardon all men and whiten himself. + +"How was it that thou didst see her?" muttered the astounded Alexyei +Sergyeitch, who now heard a coherent speech from him for the first +time.--"What is she like? Has she a scythe?" + +"No," replied Prince L.--"She's a plain old woman in a loose gown--only +she has but one eye in her forehead, and that eye has no lid." + +And on the following day Prince L. actually expired, after having +fulfilled all his religious obligations and taken leave of every one +intelligently and with emotion. + +"That's the way I shall die also," Alexyei Sergyeitch was wont to +remark. And, in fact, something similar happened with him--of which, +later on. + +But now let us return to our former subject. Alexyei Sergyeitch did not +consort with the neighbours, as I have already said; and they did not +like him any too well, calling him eccentric, arrogant, a mocker, and +even a Martinist who did not recognise the authorities, without +themselves understanding, of course, the meaning of the last word. To a +certain extent the neighbours were right. Alexyei Sergyeitch had resided +for nearly seventy years in succession in his Sukhodol, having almost no +dealings whatever with the superior authorities, with the military +officials, or the courts. "The court is for the bandit, the military +officer for the soldier," he was wont to say; "but I, God be thanked, am +neither a bandit nor a soldier." Alexyei Sergyeitch really was somewhat +eccentric, but the soul within him was not of the petty sort. I will +narrate a few things about him. + +I never found out authoritatively what were his political views, if, +indeed, one can apply to him such a very new-fangled expression; but he +was, in his way, rather an aristocrat than a nobly-born master of serfs. +More than once he complained because God had not given him a son and +heir "for the honour of the race, for the continuation of the family." +On the wall of his study hung the genealogical tree of the Telyegins, +with very profuse branches, and multitudinous circles in the shape of +apples, enclosed in a gilt frame. + +"We Telyegins,"[32] he said, "are a very ancient stock, existing from +remote antiquity; there have been a great many of us Telyegins, but we +have not run after foreigners, we have not bowed our backs, we have not +wearied ourselves by standing on the porches of the mighty, we have not +nourished ourselves on the courts, we have not earned wages, we have not +pined for Moscow, we have not intrigued in Peter;[33] we have sat +still, each on his place, his own master on his own land ... thrifty, +domesticated birds, my dear sir!--Although I myself have served in the +Guards, yet it was not for long, I thank you!" + +Alexyei Sergyeitch preferred the olden days.--"Things were freer then, +more seemly, I assure you on my honour! But ever since the year one +thousand and eight hundred" (why precisely from that year he did not +explain), "this warring and this soldiering have come into fashion, my +dear fellow. These military gentlemen have mounted upon their heads some +sort of plumes made of cocks' tails, and made themselves like cocks; +they have drawn their necks up tightly, very tightly ... they speak in +hoarse tones, their eyes are popping out of their heads--and how can +they help being hoarse? The other day some police corporal or other came +to see me.--'I have come to you, Your Well-Born,' quoth he.... (A pretty +way he had chosen to surprise me! ... for I know myself that I am +well-born....) 'I have a matter of business with you.' But I said to him: +'Respected sir, first undo the hooks on thy collar. Otherwise, which God +forbid, thou wilt sneeze! Akh, what will become of thee! What will +become of thee!--Thou wilt burst like a puff-ball.... And I shall be +responsible for it!' And how they drink, those military +gentlemen--o-ho-ho! I generally give orders that they shall be served +with champagne from the Don, because Don champagne and Pontacq are all +the same to them; it slips down their throats so smoothly and so +fast--how are they to distinguish the difference? And here's another +thing: they have begun to suck that sucking-bottle, to smoke tobacco. A +military man will stick that same sucking-bottle under his moustache, +between his lips, and emit smoke through his nostrils, his mouth, and +even his ears--and think himself a hero! There are my horrid +sons-in-law, for example; although one of them is a senator, and the +other is some sort of a curator, they suck at the sucking-bottle +also,--and yet they regard themselves as clever men!..." + +Alexyei Sergyeitch could not endure smoking tobacco, nor dogs, +especially small dogs.--"Come, if thou art a Frenchman, then keep a +lap-dog. Thou runnest, thou skippest hither and thither, and it follows +thee, with its tail in the air ... but of what use is it to fellows like +me?"--He was very neat and exacting. He never spoke of the Empress +Katherine otherwise than with enthusiasm, and in a lofty, somewhat +bookish style: "She was a demi-god, not a human being!--Only contemplate +yon smile, my good sir," he was wont to add, pointing at the Lampi +portrait, "and admit that she was a demi-god! I, in my lifetime, have +been so happy as to have been vouchsafed the bliss of beholding yon +smile, and to all eternity it will never be erased from my heart!"--And +thereupon he would impart anecdotes from the life of Katherine such as +it has never been my lot to read or hear anywhere. Here is one of them. +Alexyei Sergyeitch did not permit the slightest hint at the failings of +the great Empress. "Yes, and in conclusion," he cried: "is it possible +to judge her as one judges other people?--One day, as she was sitting in +her powder-mantle, at the time of her morning toilet, she gave orders +that her hair should be combed out.... And what happened? The +waiting-woman passes the comb through it, and electric sparks fly from +it in a perfect shower!--Then she called to her the body physician, +Rodgerson, who was present on duty, and says to him: 'I know that people +condemn me for certain actions; but dost thou see this electricity? +Consequently, with such a nature and constitution as mine, thou mayest +thyself judge, for thou art a physician, that it is unjust to condemn +me, but they should understand me!'" + +The following incident was ineffaceably retained in the memory of +Alexyei Sergyeitch. He was standing one day on the inner watch in the +palace, and he was only sixteen years of age. And lo, the Empress passes +him--he presents arms.... "And she," cried Alexyei Sergyeitch, again with +rapture, "smiling at my youth and my zeal, deigned to give me her hand +to kiss, and patted me on the cheek, and inquired who I was, and whence +I came, and from what family? And then ..." (here the old man's voice +generally broke) ... "then she bade me give my mother her compliments +and thank her for rearing her children so well. And whether I was in +heaven or on earth, and how and whither she withdrew,--whether she +soared up on high, or passed into another room,--I know not to this +day!" + +I often tried to question Alexyei Sergyeitch about those olden days, +about the men who surrounded the Empress.... But he generally evaded the +subject. "What's the use of talking about old times?"--he said ... "one +only tortures himself. One says to himself,--'Thou wert a young man +then, but now thy last teeth have vanished from thy mouth.' And there's +no denying it--the old times were good ... well, and God be with them! +And as for those men--I suppose, thou fidgety child, that thou art +talking about the accidental men? Thou hast seen a bubble spring forth +on water? So long as it is whole and lasts, what beautiful colours play +upon it! Red and yellow and blue; all one can say is, ''Tis a rainbow +or a diamond!'--But it soon bursts, and no trace of it remains. And +that's what those men were like." + +"Well, and how about Potyomkin?" I asked one day. + +Alexyei Sergyeitch assumed a pompous mien. "Potyomkin, Grigory +Alexandritch, was a statesman, a theologian, a nursling of Katherine's, +her offspring, one must say.... But enough of that, my little sir!" + +Alexyei Sergyeitch was a very devout man and went to church regularly, +although it was beyond his strength. There was no superstition +perceptible in him; he ridiculed signs, the evil eye, and other +"twaddle," yet he did not like it when a hare ran across his path, and +it was not quite agreeable for him to meet a priest.[34] He was very +respectful to ecclesiastical persons, nevertheless, and asked their +blessing, and even kissed their hand every time, but he talked with them +reluctantly.--"They emit a very strong odour," he explained; "but I, +sinful man that I am, have grown effeminate beyond measure;--their hair +is so long[35] and oily, and they comb it out in all directions, +thinking thereby to show me respect, and they clear their throats loudly +in the middle of conversation, either out of timidity or because they +wish to please me in that way also. Well, but they remind me of my hour +of death. But be that as it may, I want to live a while longer. Only, +little sir, don't repeat these remarks of mine; respect the +ecclesiastical profession--only fools do not respect it; and I am to +blame for talking nonsense in my old age." + +Alexyei Sergyeitch had received a scanty education,[36] like all nobles +of that epoch; but he had completed it, to a certain degree, by reading. +He read only Russian books of the end of the last century; he considered +the newer writers unleavened and weak in style. During his reading he +placed beside him, on a round, one-legged little table, a silver jug +filled with a special effervescent kvas flavoured with mint, whose +pleasant odour disseminated itself through all the rooms. He placed +large, round spectacles on the tip of his nose; but in his later years +he did not so much read as stare thoughtfully over the rims of the +spectacles, elevating his brows, mowing with his lips and sighing. Once +I caught him weeping, with a book on his knees, which greatly surprised +me, I admit. + +He recalled the following wretched doggerel: + + O all-conquering race of man! + Rest is unknown to thee! + Thou findest it only + When thou swallowest the dust of the grave.... + Bitter, bitter is this rest! + Sleep, ye dead.... But weep, ye living! + +These verses were composed by a certain Gormitch-Gormitzky, a roving +poetaster, whom Alexyei Sergyeitch had harboured in his house because he +seemed to him a delicate and even subtle man; he wore shoes with knots +of ribbon, pronounced his _o's_ broadly, and, raising his eyes to +heaven, he sighed frequently. In addition to all these merits, +Gormitch-Gormitzky spoke French passably well, for he had been educated +in a Jesuit college, while Alexyei Sergyeitch only "understood" it. But +having once drunk himself dead-drunk in a dram-shop, this same subtle +Gormitzky displayed outrageous violence. He thrashed "to flinders" +Alexyei Sergyeitch's valet, the cook, two laundresses who happened +along, and even an independent carpenter, and smashed several panes in +the windows, yelling lustily the while: "Here now, I'll just show these +Russian sluggards, these unlicked katzapy!"[37]--And what strength that +puny little man displayed! Eight men could hardly control him! For this +turbulence Alexyei Sergyeitch gave orders that the rhymster should be +flung out of the house, after he had preliminarily been rolled in the +snow (it happened in the winter), to sober him. + +"Yes," Alexyei Sergyeitch was wont to say, "my day is over; the horse is +worn out. I used to keep poets at my expense, and I used to buy pictures +and books from the Jews--and my geese were quite as good as those of +Mukhan, and I had genuine slate-coloured tumbler-pigeons.... I was an +amateur of all sorts of things! Except that I never was a dog-fancier, +because of the drunkenness and the clownishness! I was mettlesome, +untamable! God forbid that a Telyegin should be anything but first-class +in everything! And I had a splendid horse-breeding establishment.... And +those horses came ... whence, thinkest thou, my little sir?--From those +very renowned studs of the Tzar Ivan Alexyeitch, the brother of Peter +the Great.... I'm telling you the truth! All stallions, dark brown in +colour, with manes to their knees, tails to their hoofs.... Lions! +Vanity of vanities, all is vanity! But what's the use of regretting it? +Every man has his limit fixed for him.--You cannot fly higher than +heaven, nor live in the water, nor escape from the earth.... Let us live +on a while longer, at any rate!" + +And again the old man smiled and took a pinch of his Spanish tobacco. + +His peasants loved him. Their master was kind, according to them, and +not a heart-breaker.--Only, they also repeated that he was a worn-out +steed. Formerly Alexyei Sergyeitch had gone into everything himself: he +had ridden out into the fields, and to the flour-mill, and to the +oil-mill and the storehouses, and looked in to the peasants' cottages; +every one was familiar with his racing-drozhky,[38] upholstered in +crimson plush and drawn by a well-grown horse with a broad blaze +extending clear across its forehead, named "Lantern"--from that same +famous breeding establishment. Alexyei Sergyeitch drove him himself with +the ends of the reins wound round his fists. But when his seventieth +birthday came the old man gave up everything, and entrusted the +management of his estate to the peasant bailiff Antip, of whom he +secretly stood in awe and called Micromegas (memories of Voltaire!), or +simply "robber." + +"Well, robber, hast thou gathered a big lot of stolen goods?" he would +say, looking the robber straight in the eye. + +"Everything is according to your grace," Antip would reply merrily. + +"Grace is all right, only just look out for thyself, Micromegas! Don't +dare to touch my peasants, my subjects behind my back! They will make +complaint ... my cane is not far off, seest thou?" + +"I always keep your little cane well in mind, dear little father Alexyei +Sergyeitch," replied Antip-Micromegas, stroking his beard. + +"That's right, keep it in mind!" and master and bailiff laughed in each +other's faces. + +With his house-serfs, with his serfs in general, with his "subjects" +(Alexyei Sergyeitch loved that word), he dealt gently.--"Because, judge +for thyself, little nephew, if thou hast nothing of thine own save the +cross on thy neck,[39] and that a brass one, don't hanker after other +folks' things.... What sense is there in that?" There is no denying the +fact that no one even thought of the so-called problem of the serfs at +that epoch; and it could not disturb Alexyei Sergyeitch. He very calmly +ruled his "subjects"; but he condemned bad landed proprietors and called +them the enemies of their class. + +He divided the nobles in general into three categories: the judicious, +"of whom there are not many"; the profligate, "of whom there is a goodly +number"; and the licentious, "of whom there are enough to dam a pond." +And if any one of them was harsh and oppressive to his subjects, that +man was guilty in the sight of God, and culpable in the sight of +men!--Yes; the house-serfs led an easy life in the old man's house; the +"subjects behind his back" were less well off, as a matter of course, +despite the cane wherewith he threatened Micromegas.--And how many there +were of them--of those house-serfs--in his manor! And for the most part +they were old, sinewy, hairy, grumbling, stoop-shouldered, clad in +long-skirted nankeen kaftans, and imbued with a strong acrid odour! And +in the women's department nothing was to be heard but the trampling of +bare feet, and the rustling of petticoats.--The head valet was named +Irinarkh, and Alexyei Sergyeitch always summoned him with a +long-drawn-out call: "I-ri-na-a-arkh!"--He called the others: "Young +fellow! Boy! What subject is there?!"--He could not endure bells. "God +have mercy, this is no tavern!" And what amazed me was, that no matter +at what time Alexyei Sergyeitch called his valet, the man instantly +presented himself, just as though he had sprung out of the earth, and +placing his heels together, and putting his hands behind his back, stood +before his master a grim and, as it were, an irate but zealous servant! + +Alexyei Sergyeitch was lavish beyond his means; but he did not like to +be called "benefactor."--"What sort of a benefactor am I to you, sir?... +I'm doing myself a favour, not you, my good sir!" (When he was angry or +indignant he always called people "you.")--"To a beggar give once, give +twice, give thrice," he was wont to say.... "Well, and if he returns for +the fourth time--give to him yet again, only add therewith: 'My good +man, thou shouldst work with something else besides thy mouth all the +time.'" + +"Uncle," I used to ask him, "what if the beggar should return for the +fifth time after that?" + +"Why, then, do thou give to him for the fifth time." + +The sick people who appealed to him for aid he had cured at his own +expense, although he himself did not believe in doctors, and never sent +for them.--"My deceased mother," he asserted, "used to heal all maladies +with olive-oil and salt; she both administered it internally and rubbed +it on externally, and everything passed off splendidly. And who was my +mother? She had her birth under Peter the First--only think of that!" + +Alexyei Sergyeitch was a Russian man in every respect; he loved Russian +viands, he loved Russian songs, but the accordion, "a factory +invention," he detested; he loved to watch the maidens in their choral +songs, the women in their dances. In his youth, it was said, he had sung +rollickingly and danced with agility. He loved to steam himself in the +bath,--and steamed himself so energetically that Irinarkh, who served +him as bath-attendant, thrashed him with a birch-besom soaked in beer, +rubbed him down with shredded linden bark,[40] then with a bit of +woollen cloth, rolled a soap bladder over his master's shoulders,--this +faithfully-devoted Irinarkh was accustomed to say every time, as he +climbed down from the shelf as red as "a new brass statue": "Well, for +this time I, the servant of God, Irinarkh Tolobyeeff, am still whole.... +What will happen next time?" + +And Alexyei Sergyeitch spoke splendid Russian, somewhat old-fashioned, +but piquant and pure as spring water, constantly interspersing his +speech with his pet words: "honour bright," "God have mercy," "at any +rate," "sir," and "little sir."... + +Enough concerning him, however. Let us talk about Alexyei Sergyeitch's +spouse, Malanya Pavlovna. + +Malanya Pavlovna was a native of Moscow, and had been accounted the +greatest beauty in town, _la Venus de Moscou_.--When I knew her she was +already a gaunt old woman, with delicate but insignificant features, +little curved hare-like teeth in a tiny little mouth, with a multitude +of tight little curls on her forehead, and dyed eyebrows. She constantly +wore a pyramidal cap with rose-coloured ribbons, a high ruff around her +neck, a short white gown and prunella shoes with red heels; and over her +gown she wore a jacket of blue satin, with the sleeve depending from +the right shoulder. She had worn precisely such a toilet on St. Peter's +day, 1789! On that day, being still a maiden, she had gone with her +relatives to the Khodynskoe Field,[41] to see the famous prize-fight +arranged by the Orloffs. + +"And Count Alexyei Grigorievitch ..." (oh, how many times did I hear +that tale!), ... "having descried me, approached, made a low obeisance, +holding his hat in both hands, and spake thus: 'My stunning beauty, why +dost thou allow that sleeve to hang from thy shoulder? Is it that thou +wishest to have a match at fisticuffs with me?... With pleasure; only I +tell thee beforehand that thou hast vanquished me--I surrender!--and I +am thy captive!'--and every one stared at us and marvelled." + +And so she had worn that style of toilet ever since. + +"Only, I wore no cap then, but a hat _a la bergere de Trianon_; and +although I was powdered, yet my hair gleamed through it like gold!" + +Malanya Pavlovna was stupid to sanctity, as the saying goes; she +chattered at random, and did not herself quite know what issued from her +mouth--but it was chiefly about Orloff.--Orloff had become, one may say, +the principal interest of her life. She usually entered--no! she +floated into--the room, moving her head in a measured way like a +peacock, came to a halt in the middle of it, with one foot turned out in +a strange sort of way, and holding the pendent sleeve in two fingers +(that must have been the pose which had pleased Orloff once on a time), +she looked about her with arrogant carelessness, as befits a beauty,-- +she even sniffed and whispered "The idea!" exactly as though some +important cavalier-adorer were besieging her with compliments,--then +suddenly walked on, clattering her heels and shrugging her shoulders.-- +She also took Spanish snuff out of a tiny bonbon box, scooping it out +with a tiny golden spoon, and from time to time, especially when a new +person made his appearance, she raised--not to her eyes, but to her nose +(her vision was excellent)--a double lorgnette in the shape of a pair of +horns, showing off and twisting about her little white hand with one +finger standing out apart. + +How many times did Malanya Pavlovna describe to me her wedding in the +Church of the Ascension, "which is on the Arbat Square--such a fine +church!--and all Moscow was present at it ... there was such a crush! 'T +was frightful! There were equipages drawn by six horses, golden +carriages, runners ... one of Count Zavadovsky's runners even fell under +the wheels! And the bishop himself married us,[42] and what an address +he delivered! Everybody wept--wherever I looked there was nothing but +tears, tears ... and the Governor-General's horses were +tiger-coloured.... And how many, many flowers people brought!... They +overwhelmed us with flowers! And one foreigner, a rich, very rich man, +shot himself for love on that occasion, and Orloff was present also.... +And approaching Alexyei Sergyeitch he congratulated him and called him a +lucky dog.... 'Thou art a lucky dog, brother gaper!' he said. And in +reply Alexyei Sergyeitch made such a wonderful obeisance, and swept the +plume of his hat along the floor from left to right ... as much as to +say: 'There is a line drawn now, Your Radiance, between you and my +spouse which you must not step across!'--And Orloff, Alexyei +Grigorievitch, immediately understood and lauded him.--Oh, what a man he +was! What a man! And then, on another occasion, Alexis and I were at a +ball in his house--I was already married--and what magnificent diamond +buttons he wore! And I could not restrain myself, but praised them. +'What splendid diamonds you have, Count!' And thereupon he took a knife +from the table, cut off one button and presented it to me--saying: 'You +have in your eyes, my dear little dove, diamonds a hundredfold finer; +just stand before the mirror and compare them.' And I did stand there, +and he stood beside me.--'Well? Who is right?'--says he--and keeps +rolling his eyes all round me. And then Alexyei Sergyeitch was greatly +dismayed; but I said to him: 'Alexis,' I said to him, 'please do not be +dismayed; thou shouldst know me better!' And he answered me: 'Be at +ease, Melanie!'--And those same diamonds I now have encircling a +medallion of Alexyei Grigorievitch--I think, my dear, that thou hast +seen me wear it on my shoulder on festival days, on a ribbon of St. +George--because he was a very brave hero, a cavalier of the Order of St. +George: he burned the Turks!"[43] + +Notwithstanding all this, Malanya Pavlovna was a very kind woman; she +was easy to please.--"She doesn't nag you, and she doesn't sneer at +you," the maids said of her.--Malanya Pavlovna was passionately fond of +all sweets, and a special old woman, who occupied herself with nothing +but the preserves, and therefore was called the preserve-woman, brought +to her, half a score of times in a day, a Chinese plate now with +candied rose-leaves, again with barberries in honey, or orange sherbet. +Malanya Pavlovna feared solitude--dreadful thoughts come then--and was +almost constantly surrounded by female hangers-on whom she urgently +entreated: "Talk, talk! Why do you sit there and do nothing but warm +your seats?"--and they began to twitter like canary-birds. Being no less +devout than Alexyei Sergyeitch, she was very fond of praying; but as, +according to her own words, she had not learned to recite prayers well, +she kept for that purpose the widow of a deacon, who prayed so tastily! +She would never stumble to all eternity! And, in fact, that deacon's +widow understood how to utter prayerful words in an irrepressible sort +of way, without a break even when she inhaled or exhaled her breath--and +Malanya Pavlovna listened and melted with emotion. She had another widow +also attached to her service; the latter's duty consisted in telling her +stories at night,--"but only old ones," entreated Malanya Pavlovna, +"those I already know; all the new ones are spurious." + +Malanya Pavlovna was very frivolous and sometimes suspicious. All of a +sudden she would take some idea into her head. She did not like the +dwarf Janus, for example; it always seemed to her as though he would +suddenly start in and begin to shriek: "But do you know who I am? A +Buryat Prince! So, then, submit!"--And if she did not, he would set fire +to the house out of melancholy. Malanya Pavlovna was as lavish as +Alexyei Sergyeitch; but she never gave money--she did not wish to soil +her pretty little hands--but kerchiefs, ear-rings, gowns, ribbons, or +she would send a patty from the table, or a bit of the roast, or if not +that, a glass of wine. She was also fond of regaling the peasant-women +on holidays. They would begin to dance, and she would click her heels +and strike an attitude. + +Alexyei Sergyeitch was very well aware that his wife was stupid; but he +had trained himself, almost from the first year of his married life, to +pretend that she was very keen of tongue and fond of saying stinging +things. As soon as she got to chattering he would immediately shake his +little finger at her and say: "Okh, what a naughty little tongue! What a +naughty little tongue! Won't it catch it in the next world! It will be +pierced with red-hot needles!"--But Malanya Pavlovna did not take +offence at this; on the contrary, she seemed to feel flattered at +hearing such remarks--as much as to say: "Well, I can't help it! It +isn't my fault that I was born witty!" + +Malanya Pavlovna worshipped her husband, and all her life remained an +exemplary and faithful wife. But there had been an "object" in her life +also, a young nephew, a hussar, who had been slain, so she assumed, in +a duel on her account---but, according to more trustworthy information, +he had died from a blow received on the head from a billiard-cue, in +tavern company. The water-colour portrait of this "object" was preserved +by her in a secret casket. Malanya Pavlovna crimsoned to the very ears +every time she alluded to Kapitonushka--that was the "object's" +name;--while Alexyei Sergyeitch scowled intentionally, again menaced his +wife with his little finger and said, "Trust not a horse in the meadow, +a wife in the house! Okh, that Kapitonushka, Kupidonushka!"--Then +Malanya Pavlovna bristled up all over and exclaimed: + +"Alexis, shame on you, Alexis!--You yourself probably flirted with +divers little ladies in your youth--and so you take it for granted...." + +"Come, that will do, that will do, Malaniushka," Alexyei Sergyeitch +interrupted her, with a smile;--"thy gown is white, and thy soul is +whiter still!" + +"It is whiter, Alexis; it is whiter!" + +"Okh, what a naughty little tongue, on my honour, what a naughty little +tongue!" repeated Alexyei Sergyeitch, tapping her on the cheek. + +To mention Malanya Pavlovna's "convictions" would be still more out of +place than to mention those of Alexyei Sergyeitch; but I once chanced to +be the witness of a strange manifestation of my aunt's hidden feelings. +I once chanced, in the course of conversation, to mention the well-known +Sheshkovsky.[44] Malanya Pavlovna suddenly became livid in the face,--as +livid as a corpse,--turned green, despite the layer of paint and powder, +and in a dull, entirely-genuine voice (which very rarely happened with +her--as a general thing she seemed always somewhat affected, assumed an +artificial tone and lisped) said: "Okh! whom hast thou mentioned! And at +nightfall, into the bargain!--Don't utter that name!" I was amazed; what +significance could that name possess for such an inoffensive and +innocent being, who would not have known how to devise, much less to +execute, anything reprehensible?--This alarm, which revealed itself +after a lapse of nearly half a century, induced in me reflections which +were not altogether cheerful. + +Alexyei Sergyeitch died in his eighty-eighth year, in the year 1848, +which evidently disturbed even him. And his death was rather strange. +That morning he had felt well, although he no longer quitted his +arm-chair at all. But suddenly he called to his wife: "Malaniushka, come +hither!" + +"What dost thou want, Alexis?" + +"It is time for me to die, that's what, my darling." + +"God be with you, Alexyei Sergyeitch! Why so?" + +"This is why. In the first place, one must show moderation; and more +than that; I was looking at my legs a little while ago ... they were +strange legs--and that settles it!--I looked at my hands---and those +were strange also! I looked at my belly--and the belly belonged to some +one else!--Which signifies that I am devouring some other person's +life.[45] Send for the priest; and in the meanwhile, lay me on my bed, +from which I shall not rise again." + +Malanya Pavlovna was in utter consternation, but she put the old man to +bed, and sent for the priest. Alexyei Sergyeitch made his confession, +received the holy communion, took leave of the members of his household, +and began to sink into a stupor. Malanya Pavlovna was sitting beside his +bed. + +"Alexis!" she suddenly shrieked, "do not frighten me, do not close thy +dear eyes! Hast thou any pain?" + +The old man looked at his wife.--"No, I have no pain ... but I find +it ... rather difficult ... difficult to breathe." Then, after a brief +pause:--"Malaniushka," he said, "now life has galloped past--but dost +thou remember our wedding ... what a fine young couple we were?" + +"We were, my beauty, Alexis my incomparable one!" + +Again the old man remained silent for a space. + +"And shall we meet again in the other world, Malaniushka?" + +"I shall pray to God that we may, Alexis."--And the old woman burst into +tears. + +"Come, don't cry, silly one; perchance the Lord God will make us young +again there--and we shall again be a fine young pair!" + +"He will make us young, Alexis!" + +"Everything is possible to Him, to the Lord," remarked Alexyei +Sergyeitch.--"He is a worker of wonders!--I presume He will make thee a +clever woman also.... Come, my dear, I was jesting; give me thy hand to +kiss." + +"And I will kiss thine." + +And the two old people kissed each other's hands. + +Alexyei Sergyeitch began to quiet down and sink into a comatose state. +Malanya Pavlovna gazed at him with emotion, brushing the tears from her +eyelashes with the tip of her finger. She sat thus for a couple of +hours. + +"Has he fallen asleep?" asked in a whisper the old woman who knew how to +pray so tastily, peering out from behind Irinarkh, who was standing as +motionless as a pillar at the door, and staring intently at his dying +master. + +"Yes," replied Malanya Pavlovna, also in a whisper. And suddenly Alexyei +Sergyeitch opened his eyes. + +"My faithful companion," he stammered, "my respected spouse, I would +like to bow myself to thy feet for all thy love and faithfulness--but +how am I to rise? Let me at least sign thee with the cross." + +Malanya Pavlovna drew nearer, bent over.... But the hand which had been +raised fell back powerless on the coverlet, and a few moments later +Alexyei Sergyeitch ceased to be. + +His daughters with their husbands only arrived in time for the funeral; +neither one of them had any children. Alexyei Sergyeitch had not +discriminated against them in his will, although he had not referred to +them on his death-bed. + +"My heart is locked against them," he had said to me one day. Knowing +his kind-heartedness, I was surprised at his words.--It is a difficult +matter to judge between parents and children.--"A vast ravine begins +with a tiny rift," Alexyei Sergyeitch had said to me on another +occasion, referring to the same subject. "A wound an arshin long will +heal over, but if you cut off so much as a nail, it will not grow +again!" + +I have an idea that the daughters were ashamed of their eccentric old +folks. + +A month later Malanya Pavlovna expired also. She hardly rose from her +bed again after the day of Alexyei Sergyeitch's death, and did not +array herself; but they buried her in the blue jacket, and with the +medal of Orloff on her shoulder, only minus the diamonds. The daughters +shared those between them, under the pretext that those diamonds were to +be used for the setting of holy pictures; but as a matter of fact they +used them to adorn their own persons. + +And now how vividly do my old people stand before me, and what a good +memory I cherish of them! And yet, during my very last visit to them (I +was already a student at the time) an incident occurred which injected +some discord into the harmoniously-patriarchal mood with which the +Telyegin house inspired me. + +Among the number of the household serfs was a certain Ivan, nicknamed +"Sukhikh--the coachman, or the little coachman, as he was called, on +account of his small size, in spite of his years, which were not few. He +was a tiny scrap of a man, nimble, snub-nosed, curly-haired, with a +perennial smile on his infantile countenance, and little, mouse-like +eyes. He was a great joker and buffoon; he was able to acquire any +trick; he set off fireworks, snakes, played all card-games, galloped his +horse while standing erect on it, flew higher than any one else in the +swing, and even knew how to present Chinese shadows. There was no one +who could amuse children better than he, and he would have been only +too glad to occupy himself with them all day long. When he got to +laughing he set the whole house astir. People would answer him from this +point and that--every one would join in.... They would both abuse him +and laugh.--Ivan danced marvellously--especially 'the fish.'--The chorus +would thunder out a dance tune, the young fellow would step into the +middle of the circle, and begin to leap and twist about and stamp his +feet, and then come down with a crash on the ground--and there represent +the movements of a fish which has been thrown out of the water upon the +dry land; and he would writhe about this way and that, and even bring +his heels up to his neck; and then, when he sprang to his feet and began +to shout, the earth would simply tremble beneath him! Alexyei Sergyeitch +was extremely fond of choral songs and dances, as I have already said; +he could never refrain from shouting: 'Send hither Vaniushka! the little +coachman! Give us 'the fish,' be lively!'--and a minute later he would +whisper in ecstasy: 'Akh, what a devil of a man he is!'" + +Well, then,--on my last visit this same Ivan Sukhikh comes to me in my +room, and without uttering a word plumps down on his knees. + +"What is the matter with thee, Ivan?" + +"Save me, master!" + +"Why, what's the trouble?" + +And thereupon Ivan related to me his grief. + +He had been swapped twenty years previously by the Messrs. Sukhoy for +another serf, a man belonging to the Telyegins--he had simply been +exchanged, without any formalities and documents. The man who had been +given in exchange for him had died, but the Messrs. Sukhoy had forgotten +all about Ivan and had left him in Alexyei Sergyeitch's house as his +property; his nickname alone served as a reminder of his +origin.[46]--But lo and behold! his former owners had died also, their +estate had fallen into other hands, and the new owner, concerning whom +rumours were in circulation to the effect that he was a cruel man, a +torturer, having learned that one of his serfs was to be found at +Alexyei Sergyeitch's without any passport and right, began to demand his +return; in case of refusal he threatened to have recourse to the courts +and a penalty--and he did not threaten idly, as he himself held the rank +of Privy Councillor,[47] and had great weight in the government.[48] +Ivan, in his affright, darted to Alexyei Sergyeitch. The old man was +sorry for his dancer, and he offered to buy Ivan from the privy +councillor at a good price; but the privy councillor would not hear of +such a thing; he was a Little Russian and obstinate as the devil. The +poor fellow had to be surrendered. + +"I have got used to living here, I have made myself at home here, I have +eaten bread here, and here I wish to die," Ivan said to me--and there +was no grin on his face now; on the contrary, he seemed turned into +stone.... "But now I must go to that malefactor.... Am I a dog that I am +to be driven from one kennel to another with a slip-noose round my +neck--and a 'take that'? Save me, master; entreat your uncle,--remember +how I have always amused you.... Or something bad will surely come of +it; the matter will not pass off without sin." + +"Without what sin, Ivan?" + +"Why, I will kill that gentleman.--When I arrive I shall say to him: +'Let me go back, master; otherwise, look out, beware.... I will kill +you.'" + +If a chaffinch or a bullfinch could talk and had begun to assure me that +it would claw another bird, it would not have caused me greater +astonishment than did Ivan on that occasion.--What! Vanya Sukhikh, that +dancer, jester, buffoon, that favourite of the children, and a child +himself--that kindest-hearted of beings--a murderer! What nonsense! I +did not believe him for a single moment. I was startled in the extreme +that he should have been able to utter such a word! Nevertheless, I +betook myself to Alexyei Sergyeitch. I did not repeat to him what Ivan +had said to me, but I tried in every way to beg him to see whether he +could not set the matter right. + +"My little sir," the old man replied to me, "I would be only too +delighted, but how can I?--I have offered that Topknot[49] huge +remuneration. I offered him three hundred rubles, I assure thee on my +honour! but in vain. What is one to do? We had acted illegally, on +faith, after the ancient fashion ... and now see what a bad thing has +come of it! I am sure that Topknot will take Ivan from me by force the +first thing we know; he has a strong hand, the Governor eats sour +cabbage-soup with him--the Topknot will send a soldier! I'm afraid of +those soldiers! In former days, there's no denying it, I would have +defended Ivan,--but just look at me now, how decrepit I have grown. How +am I to wage war?"--And, in fact, during my last visit I found that +Alexyei Sergyeitch had aged very greatly; even the pupils of his eyes +had acquired a milky hue--like that in infants--and on his lips there +appeared not the discerning smile of former days, but that +strainedly-sweet, unconscious smirk which never leaves the faces of very +old people even in their sleep. + +I imparted Alexyei Sergyeitch's decision to Ivan. He stood a while, held +his peace, and shook his head.--"Well," he said at last, "what is fated +to be cannot be avoided. Only my word is firm. That is to say: only one +thing remains for me ... play the wag to the end.--Master, please give +me something for liquor!" I gave it; he drank himself drunk--and on that +same day he danced "the fish" in such wise that the maidens and married +women fairly squealed with delight, so whimsically amusing was he. + +The next day I went home, and three months later--when I was already in +Petersburg--I learned that Ivan had actually kept his word!--He had been +sent to his new master; his master had summoned him to his study and +announced to him that he was to serve as his coachman, that he entrusted +him with a troika of Vyatka horses,[50] and that he should exact a +strict account from him if he treated them badly, and, in general, if he +were not punctual.--"I'm not fond of jesting," he said.--Ivan listened +to his master, first made obeisance to his very feet, and then informed +him that it was as his mercy liked, but he could not be his +servant.--"Release me on quit-rent, Your High-Born," he said, "or make a +soldier of me; otherwise there will be a catastrophe before long." + +The master flared up.--"Akh, damn thee! What is this thou darest to say +to me?--Know, in the first place, that I am 'Your Excellency,' and not +'Your High-Born'; in the second place, thou art beyond the age, and thy +size is not such that I can hand thee over as a soldier; and, in +conclusion,--what calamity art thou threatening me with? Art thou +preparing to commit arson?" + +"No, your Excellency, not to commit arson." + +"To kill me, then, pray?" + +Ivan maintained a stubborn silence.--"I will not be your servant," he +said at last. + +"Here, then, I'll show thee," roared the gentleman, "whether thou wilt +be my servant or not!"--And after having cruelly flogged Ivan, he +nevertheless ordered that the troika of Vyatka horses should be placed +in his charge, and appointed him a coachman at the stables. + +Ivan submitted, to all appearances; he began to drive as coachman. As he +was a proficient in that line his master speedily took a fancy to +him,--the more so as Ivan behaved very discreetly and quietly, and the +horses throve under his care; he tended them so that they became as +plump as cucumbers,--one could never leave off admiring them! The master +began to drive out more frequently with him than with the other +coachmen. He used to ask: "Dost thou remember, Ivan, how unpleasant was +thy first meeting with me? I think thou hast got rid of thy folly?" But +to these words Ivan never made any reply. + +So, then, one day, just before the Epiphany, the master set out for the +town with Ivan in his troika with bells, in a broad sledge lined with +rugs. The horses began to ascend a hill at a walk, while Ivan descended +from the box and went back to the sledge, as though he had dropped +something.--The cold was very severe. The master sat there all wrapped +up, and with his beaver cap drawn down over his ears. Then Ivan pulled a +hatchet out from under the skirts of his coat, approached his master +from behind, knocked off his cap, and saying: "I warned thee, Piotr +Petrovitch--now thou hast thyself to thank for this!"--he laid open his +head with one slash. Then he brought the horses to a standstill, put the +cap back on his murdered master's head, and again mounting the box, he +drove him to the town, straight to the court-house. + +"Here's the general from Sukhoy for you, murdered; and I killed him.--I +told him I would do it, and I have done it. Bind me!" + +They seized Ivan, tried him, condemned him to the knout and then to +penal servitude.--The merry, bird-like dancer reached the mines--and +there vanished forever.... + +Yes; involuntarily--although in a different sense,--one repeats with +Alexyei Sergyeitch:--"The old times were good ... well, yes, but God be +with them! I want nothing to do with them!" + + + + + + +THE SONG OF LOVE TRIUMPHANT + +(1881) + + + MDXLII + +DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF GUSTAVE FLAUBERT + + Wage du zu irren und zu traeumen! + SCHILLER. + + +The following is what I read in an Italian manuscript: + + + + +I + + +About the middle of the sixteenth century there dwelt in Ferrara--(it +was then flourishing under the sceptre of its magnificent dukes, the +patrons of the arts and of poetry)--there dwelt two young men, named +Fabio and Muzio. Of the same age and nearly related, they were almost +never separated; a sincere friendship had united them since their early +childhood, and a similarity of fate had strengthened this bond. Both +belonged to ancient families; both were wealthy, independent, and +without family; the tastes and inclinations of both were similar. Muzio +occupied himself with music, Fabio with painting. All Ferrara was proud +of them as the finest ornaments of the Court, of society, and of the +city. But in personal appearance they did not resemble each other, +although both were distinguished for their stately, youthful beauty. +Fabio was the taller of the two, white of complexion, with ruddy-gold +hair, and had blue eyes. Muzio, on the contrary, had a swarthy face, +black hair, and in his dark-brown eyes there was not that merry gleam, +on his lips not that cordial smile, which Fabio had; his thick eyebrows +over-hung his narrow eyelids, while Fabio's golden brows rose in slender +arches on his pure, smooth forehead. Muzio was less animated in +conversation also; nevertheless both friends were equally favoured by +the ladies; for not in vain were they models of knightly courtesy and +lavishness. + +At one and the same time with them there dwelt in Ferrara a maiden named +Valeria. She was considered one of the greatest beauties in the city, +although she was to be seen only very rarely, as she led a retired life +and left her house only to go to church;--and on great festivals for a +walk. She lived with her mother, a nobly-born but not wealthy widow, who +had no other children. Valeria inspired in every one whom she met a +feeling of involuntary amazement and of equally involuntary tender +respect: so modest was her mien, so little aware was she, to all +appearance, of the full force of her charms. Some persons, it is true, +thought her rather pale; the glance of her eyes, which were almost +always lowered, expressed a certain shyness and even timidity; her lips +smiled rarely, and then but slightly; hardly ever did any one hear her +voice. But a rumour was in circulation to the effect that it was very +beautiful, and that, locking herself in her chamber, early in the +morning, while everything in the city was still sleeping, she loved to +warble ancient ballads to the strains of a lute, upon which she herself +played. Despite the pallor of her face, Valeria was in blooming health; +and even the old people, as they looked on her, could not refrain from +thinking:--"Oh, how happy will be that young man for whom this bud still +folded in its petals, still untouched and virgin, shall at last unfold +itself!" + + + + +II + + +Fabio and Muzio beheld Valeria for the first time at a sumptuous popular +festival, got up at the command of the Duke of Ferrara, Ercole, son of +the famous Lucrezia Borgia, in honour of some distinguished grandees who +had arrived from Paris on the invitation of the Duchess, the daughter of +Louis XII, King of France. Side by side with her mother sat Valeria in +the centre of an elegant tribune, erected after drawings by Palladius +on the principal square of Ferrara for the most honourable ladies of the +city. Both Fabio and Muzio fell passionately in love with her that day; +and as they concealed nothing from each other, each speedily learned +what was going on in his comrade's heart. They agreed between themselves +that they would both try to make close acquaintance with Valeria, and if +she should deign to choose either one of them the other should submit +without a murmur to her decision. + +Several weeks later, thanks to the fine reputation which they rightfully +enjoyed, they succeeded in penetrating into the not easily accessible +house of the widow; she gave them permission to visit her. From that +time forth they were able to see Valeria almost every day and to +converse with her;--and with every day the flame kindled in the hearts +of both young men blazed more and more vigorously. But Valeria displayed +no preference for either of them, although their presence evidently +pleased her. With Muzio she occupied herself with music; but she chatted +more with Fabio: she was less shy with him. At last they decided to +learn their fate definitely, and sent to Valeria a letter wherein they +asked her to explain herself and say on whom she was prepared to bestow +her hand. Valeria showed this letter to her mother, and informed her +that she was content to remain unmarried; but if her mother thought it +was time for her to marry, she would wed the man of her mother's +choice. The honourable widow shed a few tears at the thought of parting +from her beloved child; but there was no reason for rejecting the +suitors: she considered them both equally worthy of her daughter's hand. +But as she secretly preferred Fabio, and suspected that he was more to +Valeria's taste also, she fixed upon him. On the following day Fabio +learned of his happiness: and all that was left to Muzio was to keep his +word and submit. + +This he did; but he was not able to be a witness to the triumph of his +friend, his rival. He immediately sold the greater part of his property, +and collecting a few thousand ducats, he set off on a long journey to +the Orient. On taking leave of Fabio he said to him that he would not +return until he should feel that the last traces of passion in him had +vanished. It was painful for Fabio to part from the friend of his +childhood and his youth ... but the joyful anticipation of approaching +bliss speedily swallowed up all other sentiments--and he surrendered +himself completely to the transports of happy love. + +He soon married Valeria, and only then did he learn the full value of +the treasure which it had fallen to his lot to possess. He had a very +beautiful villa at a short distance from Ferrara; he removed thither +with his wife and her mother. A bright time then began for them. Wedded +life displayed in a new and captivating light all Valeria's perfections. +Fabio became a remarkable artist,---no longer a mere amateur, but a +master. Valeria's mother rejoiced and returned thanks to God as she +gazed at the happy pair. Four years flew by unnoticed like a blissful +dream. One thing alone was lacking to the young married couple, one +thing caused them grief: they had no children ... but hope had not +deserted them. Toward the end of the fourth year a great, and this time +a genuine grief, visited them: Valeria's mother died, after an illness +of a few days. + +Valeria shed many tears; for a long time she could not reconcile herself +to her loss. But another year passed; life once more asserted its rights +and flowed on in its former channel. And, lo! one fine summer evening, +without having forewarned any one, Muzio returned to Ferrara. + + + + +III + + +During the whole five years which had elapsed since his departure, no +one had known anything about him. All rumours concerning him had died +out, exactly as though he had vanished from the face of the earth. When +Fabio met his friend on one of the streets in Ferrara he came near +crying out aloud, first from fright, then from joy, and immediately +invited him to his villa. There, in the garden, was a spacious, detached +pavilion; he suggested that his friend should settle down in that +pavilion. Muzio gladly accepted, and that same day removed thither with +his servant, a dumb Malay--dumb but not deaf, and even, judging from the +vivacity of his glance, a very intelligent man.... His tongue had been +cut out. Muzio had brought with him scores of chests filled with divers +precious things which he had collected during his prolonged wanderings. + +Valeria was delighted at Muzio's return; and he greeted her in a +cheerfully-friendly but composed manner. From everything it was obvious +that he had kept the promise made to Fabio. In the course of the day he +succeeded in installing himself in his pavilion; with the aid of his +Malay he set out the rarities he had brought--rugs, silken tissues, +garments of velvet and brocade, weapons, cups, dishes, and beakers +adorned with enamel, articles of gold and silver set with pearls and +turquoises, carved caskets of amber and ivory, faceted flasks, spices, +perfumes, pelts of wild beasts, the feathers of unknown birds, and a +multitude of other objects, the very use of which seemed mysterious and +incomprehensible. Among the number of all these precious things there +was one rich pearl necklace which Muzio had received from the Shah of +Persia for a certain great and mysterious service; he asked Valeria's +permission to place this necklace on her neck with his own hand; it +seemed to her heavy, and as though endowed with a strange sort of warmth +... it fairly adhered to the skin. Toward evening, after dinner, as they +sat on the terrace of the villa, in the shade of oleanders and laurels, +Muzio began to narrate his adventures. He told of the distant lands +which he had seen, of mountains higher than the clouds, of rivers like +unto seas; he told of vast buildings and temples, of trees thousands of +years old, of rainbow-hued flowers and birds; he enumerated the cities +and peoples he had visited.... (their very names exhaled something +magical). All the Orient was familiar to Muzio: he had traversed Persia +and Arabia, where the horses are more noble and beautiful than all other +living creatures; he had penetrated the depths of India, where is a race +of people resembling magnificent plants; he had attained to the confines +of China and Tibet, where a living god, the Dalai Lama by name, dwells +upon earth in the form of a speechless man with narrow eyes. Marvellous +were his tales! Fabio and Valeria listened to him as though enchanted. + +In point of fact, Muzio's features had undergone but little change: +swarthy from childhood, his face had grown still darker,--had been +burned beneath the rays of a more brilliant sun,--his eyes seemed more +deeply set than of yore, that was all; but the expression of that face +had become different: concentrated, grave, it did not grow animated even +when he alluded to the dangers to which he had been subjected by night +in the forests, deafened by the roar of tigers, by day on deserted roads +where fanatics lie in wait for travellers and strangle them in honour of +an iron goddess who demands human blood. And Muzio's voice had grown +more quiet and even; the movements of his hands, of his whole body, had +lost the flourishing ease which is peculiar to the Italian race. + +With the aid of his servant, the obsequiously-alert Malay, he showed his +host and hostess several tricks which he had been taught by the Brahmins +of India. Thus, for example, having preliminarily concealed himself +behind a curtain, he suddenly appeared sitting in the air, with his legs +doubled up beneath him, resting the tips of his fingers lightly on a +bamboo rod set upright, which not a little amazed and even alarmed Fabio +and Valeria.... "Can it be that he is a magician?" the thought occurred +to her.--But when he set to calling out tame snakes from a covered +basket by whistling on a small flute,--when, wiggling their fangs, their +dark, flat heads made their appearance from beneath the motley stuff, +Valeria became frightened and begged Muzio to hide away those horrors as +quickly as possible. + +At supper Muzio regaled his friends with wine of Shiraz from a round +flask with a long neck; extremely fragrant and thick, of a golden hue, +with greenish lights, it sparkled mysteriously when poured into the tiny +jasper cups. In taste it did not resemble European wines: it was very +sweet and spicy; and, quaffed slowly, in small sips, it produced in all +the limbs a sensation of agreeable drowsiness. Muzio made Fabio and +Valeria drink a cup apiece, and drank one himself. Bending over her cup, +he whispered something and shook his fingers. Valeria noticed this; but +as there was something strange and unprecedented in all Muzio's ways in +general, and in all his habits, she merely thought: "I wonder if he has +not accepted in India some new faith, or whether they have such customs +there?"--Then, after a brief pause, she asked him: "Had he continued to +occupy himself with music during the time of his journeys?"--In reply +Muzio ordered the Malay to bring him his Indian violin. It resembled +those of the present day, only, instead of four strings it had three; a +bluish snake-skin was stretched across its top, and the slender bow of +reed was semi-circular in form, and on its very tip glittered a pointed +diamond. + +Muzio first played several melancholy airs,--which were, according to +his assertion, popular ballads,--strange and even savage to the Italian +ear; the sound of the metallic strings was plaintive and feeble. But +when Muzio began the last song, that same sound suddenly strengthened, +quivered powerfully and resonantly; the passionate melody poured forth +from beneath the broadly-handled bow,--poured forth with beautiful +undulations, like the snake which had covered the top of the violin with +its skin; and with so much fire, with so much triumphant joy did this +song beam and blaze that both Fabio and Valeria felt a tremor at their +heart, and the tears started to their eyes ... while Muzio, with his +head bent down and pressed against his violin, with pallid cheeks, and +brows contracted into one line, seemed still more concentrated and +serious than ever, and the diamond at the tip of the bow scattered +ray-like sparks in its flight, as though it also were kindled with the +fire of that wondrous song. And when Muzio had finished and, still +holding the violin tightly pressed between his chin and his shoulder, +dropped his hand which held the bow--"What is that? What hast thou been +playing to us?" Fabio exclaimed.--Valeria uttered not a word, but her +whole being seemed to repeat her husband's question. Muzio laid the +violin on the table, and lightly shaking back his hair, said, with a +courteous smile: "That? That melody ... that song I heard once on the +island of Ceylon. That song is known there, among the people, as the +song of happy, satisfied love." + +"Repeat it," whispered Fabio. + +"No; it is impossible to repeat it," replied Muzio. "And it is late now. +Signora Valeria ought to rest; and it is high time for me also.... I am +weary." + +All day long Muzio had treated Valeria in a respectfully-simple manner, +like a friend of long standing; but as he took leave he pressed her hand +very hard, jamming his fingers into her palm, staring so intently into +her face the while that she, although she did not raise her eyelids, +felt conscious of that glance on her suddenly-flushing cheeks. She said +nothing to Muzio, but drew away her hand, and when he was gone she +stared at the door through which he had made his exit. She recalled how, +in former years also, she had been afraid of him ... and now she was +perplexed. Muzio went off to his pavilion; the husband and wife withdrew +to their bed-chamber. + + + + +IV + + +Valeria did not soon fall asleep; her blood was surging softly and +languidly, and there was a faint ringing in her head ... from that +strange wine, as she supposed, and, possibly, also from Muzio's tales, +from his violin playing.... Toward morning she fell asleep at last, and +had a remarkable dream. + +It seems to her that she enters a spacious room with a low, vaulted +ceiling.... She has never seen such a room in her life. All the walls +are set with small blue tiles bearing golden patterns; slender carved +pillars of alabaster support the marble vault; this vault and the +pillars seem semi-transparent.... A pale, rose-coloured light penetrates +the room from all directions, illuminating all the objects mysteriously +and monotonously; cushions of gold brocade lie on a narrow rug in the +very middle of the floor, which is as smooth as a mirror. In the +corners, barely visible, two tall incense-burners, representing +monstrous animals, are smoking; there are no windows anywhere; the door, +screened by a velvet drapery, looms silently black in a niche of the +wall. And suddenly this curtain softly slips aside, moves away ... and +Muzio enters. He bows, opens his arms, smiles.... His harsh arms +encircle Valeria's waist; his dry lips have set her to burning all +over.... She falls prone on the cushions.... + + * * * * * + +Moaning with fright, Valeria awoke after long efforts.--Still not +comprehending where she is and what is the matter with her, she half +raises herself up in bed and looks about her.... A shudder runs through +her whole body.... Fabio is lying beside her. He is asleep; but his +face, in the light of the round, clear moon, is as pale as that of a +corpse ... it is more melancholy than the face of a corpse. Valeria +awoke her husband--and no sooner had he cast a glance at her than he +exclaimed: "What is the matter with thee?" + +"I have seen ... I have seen a dreadful dream," she whispered, still +trembling.... + +But at that moment, from the direction of the pavilion, strong sounds +were wafted to them--and both Fabio and Valeria recognised the melody +which Muzio had played to them, calling it the Song of Love +Triumphant.--Fabio cast a glance of surprise at Valeria.... She closed +her eyes, and turned away--and both, holding their breath, listened to +the song to the end. When the last sound died away the moon went behind +a cloud, it suddenly grew dark in the room.... The husband and wife +dropped their heads on their pillows, without exchanging a word, and +neither of them noticed when the other fell asleep. + + + + +V + + +On the following morning Muzio came to breakfast; he seemed pleased, +and greeted Valeria merrily. She answered him with confusion,-- +scrutinised him closely, and was startled by that pleased, merry +face, those piercing and curious eyes. Muzio was about to begin his +stories again ... but Fabio stopped him at the first word. + +"Evidently, thou wert not able to sleep in a new place? My wife and I +heard thee playing the song of last night." + +"Yes? Did you hear it?"--said Muzio.--"I did play it, in fact; but I had +been asleep before that, and I had even had a remarkable dream." + +Valeria pricked up her ears.--"What sort of a dream?" inquired Fabio. + +"I seemed," replied Muzio, without taking his eyes from Valeria, "to see +myself enter a spacious apartment with a vaulted ceiling, decorated in +Oriental style. Carved pillars supported the vault; the walls were +covered with tiles, and although there were no windows nor candles, yet +the whole room was filled with a rosy light, just as though it had all +been built of transparent stone. In the corners Chinese incense-burners +were smoking; on the floor lay cushions of brocade, along a narrow rug. +I entered through a door hung with a curtain, and from another door +directly opposite a woman whom I had once loved made her appearance. And +she seemed to me so beautiful that I became all aflame with my love of +days gone by...." + +Muzio broke off significantly. Valeria sat motionless, only paling +slowly ... and her breathing grew more profound. + +"Then," pursued Muzio, "I woke up and played that song." + +"But who was the woman?" said Fabio. + +"Who was she? The wife of an East Indian. I met her in the city of +Delhi.... She is no longer among the living. She is dead." + +"And her husband?" asked Fabio, without himself knowing why he did so. + +"Her husband is dead also, they say. I soon lost sight of them." + +"Strange!" remarked Fabio.--"My wife also had a remarkable dream last +night--which she did not relate to me," added Fabio. + +But at this point Valeria rose and left the room. Immediately after +breakfast Muzio also went away, asserting that he was obliged to go to +Ferrara on business, and that he should not return before evening. + + + + +VI + + +Several weeks before Muzio's return Fabio had begun a portrait of his +wife, depicting her with the attributes of Saint Cecilia.--He had made +noteworthy progress in his art; the famous Luini, the pupil of Leonardo +da Vinci, had come to him in Ferrara, and aiding him with his own +advice, had also imparted to him the precepts of his great master. The +portrait was almost finished; it only remained for him to complete the +face by a few strokes of the brush, and then Fabio might feel justly +proud of his work. + +When Muzio departed to Ferrara, Fabio betook himself to his studio, +where Valeria was generally awaiting him; but he did not find her there; +he called to her--she did not respond. A secret uneasiness took +possession of Fabio; he set out in quest of her. She was not in the +house; Fabio ran into the garden--and there, in one of the most remote +alleys, he descried Valeria. With head bowed upon her breast, and hands +clasped on her knees, she was sitting on a bench, and behind her, +standing out against the dark green of a cypress, a marble satyr, with +face distorted in a malicious smile, was applying his pointed lips to +his reed-pipes. Valeria was visibly delighted at her husband's +appearance, and in reply to his anxious queries she said that she had a +slight headache, but that it was of no consequence, and that she was +ready for the sitting. Fabio conducted her to his studio, posed her, and +took up his brush; but, to his great vexation, he could not possibly +finish the face as he would have liked. And that not because it was +somewhat pale and seemed fatigued ... no; but he did not find in it +that day the pure, holy expression which he so greatly loved in it, and +which had suggested to him the idea of representing Valeria in the form +of Saint Cecilia. At last he flung aside his brush, told his wife that +he was not in the mood, that ft would do her good to lie down for a +while, as she was not feeling quite well, to judge by her looks,--and +turned his easel so that the portrait faced the wall. Valeria agreed +with him that she ought to rest, and repeating her complaint of +headache, she retired to her chamber. + +Fabio remained in the studio. He felt a strange agitation which was +incomprehensible even to himself. Muzio's sojourn under his roof, a +sojourn which he, Fabio, had himself invited, embarrassed him. And it +was not that he was jealous ... was it possible to be jealous of +Valeria?--but in his friend he did not recognise his former comrade. All +that foreign, strange, new element which Muzio had brought with him from +those distant lands--and which, apparently, had entered into his very +flesh and blood,---all those magical processes, songs, strange +beverages, that dumb Malay, even the spicy odour which emanated from +Muzio's garments, from his hair, his breath,--all this inspired in Fabio +a feeling akin to distrust, nay, even to timidity. And why did that +Malay, when serving at table, gaze upon him, Fabio, with such +disagreeable intentness? Really, one might suppose that he understood +Italian. Muzio had said concerning him, that that Malay, in paying the +penalty with his tongue, had made a great sacrifice, and in compensation +now possessed great power.--What power? And how could he have acquired +it at the cost of his tongue? All this was very strange! Very +incomprehensible! + +Fabio went to his wife in her chamber; she was lying on the bed fully +dressed, but was not asleep.--On hearing his footsteps she started, then +rejoiced again to see him, as she had done in the garden. Fabio sat down +by the bed, took Valeria's hand, and after a brief pause, he asked her, +"What was that remarkable dream which had frightened her during the past +night? And had it been in the nature of that dream which Muzio had +related?" + +Valeria blushed and said hastily--"Oh, no! no! I saw ... some sort of a +monster, which tried to rend me." + +"A monster? In the form of a man?" inquired Fabio. + +"No, a wild beast ... a wild beast!"--And Valeria turned away and hid +her flaming face in the pillows. Fabio held his wife's hand for a while +longer; silently he raised it to his lips, and withdrew. + +The husband and wife passed a dreary day. It seemed as though something +dark were hanging over their heads ... but what it was, they could not +tell. They wanted to be together, as though some danger were menacing +them;--but what to say to each other, they did not know. Fabio made an +effort to work at the portrait, to read Ariosto, whose poem, which had +recently made its appearance in Ferrara, was already famous throughout +Italy; but he could do nothing.... Late in the evening, just in time for +supper, Muzio returned. + + + + +VII + + +He appeared calm and contented--but related few stories; he chiefly +interrogated Fabio concerning their mutual acquaintances of former days, +the German campaign, the Emperor Charles; he spoke of his desire to go +to Rome, to have a look at the new Pope. Again he offered Valeria wine +of Shiraz--and in reply to her refusal he said, as though to himself, +"It is not necessary now." + +On returning with his wife to their bedroom Fabio speedily fell +asleep ... and waking an hour later was able to convince himself that no +one shared his couch: Valeria was not with him. He hastily rose, and at +the selfsame moment he beheld his wife, in her night-dress, enter the +room from the garden. The moon was shining brightly, although not long +before a light shower had passed over.--With widely-opened eyes, and an +expression of secret terror on her impassive face, Valeria approached +the bed, and fumbling for it with her hands, which were outstretched in +front of her, she lay down hurriedly and in silence. Fabio asked her a +question, but she made no reply; she seemed to be asleep. He touched +her, and felt rain-drops on her clothing, on her hair, and grains of +sand on the soles of her bare feet. Then he sprang up and rushed into +the garden through the half-open door. The moonlight, brilliant to +harshness, inundated all objects. Fabio looked about him and descried on +the sand of the path traces of two pairs of feet; one pair was bare; and +those tracks led to an arbour covered with jasmin, which stood apart, +between the pavilion and the house. He stopped short in perplexity; and +lo! suddenly the notes of that song which he had heard on the preceding +night again rang forth! Fabio shuddered, and rushed into the +pavilion.... Muzio was standing in the middle of the room, playing on +his violin. Fabio darted to him. + +"Thou hast been in the garden, thou hast been out, thy clothing is damp +with rain." + +"No.... I do not know ... I do not think ... that I have been out of +doors ..." replied Muzio, in broken accents, as though astonished at +Fabio's advent, and at his agitation. + +Fabio grasped him by the arm.--"And why art thou playing that melody +again? Hast thou had another dream?" + +Muzio glanced at Fabio with the same surprise as before, and made no +answer. + +"Come, answer me!" + + "The moon is steel, like a circular shield.... + The river gleams like a snake.... + The friend is awake, the enemy sleeps-- + The hawk seizes the chicken in his claws.... + Help!" + +mumbled Muzio, in a singsong, as though in a state of unconsciousness. + +Fabio retreated a couple of paces, fixed his eyes on Muzio, meditated +for a space ... and returned to his house, to the bed-chamber. + +With her head inclined upon her shoulder, and her arms helplessly +outstretched, Valeria was sleeping heavily. He did not speedily succeed +in waking her ... but as soon as she saw him she flung herself on his +neck, and embraced him convulsively; her whole body was quivering. + +"What aileth thee, my dear one, what aileth thee?" said Fabio +repeatedly, striving to soothe her. + +But she continued to lie as in a swoon on his breast. "Akh, what +dreadful visions I see!" she whispered, pressing her face against him. + +Fabio attempted to question her ... but she merely trembled.... + +The window-panes were reddening with the first gleams of dawn when, at +last, she fell asleep in his arms. + + + + +VIII + + +On the following day Muzio disappeared early in the morning, and Valeria +informed her husband that she intended to betake herself to the +neighbouring monastery, where dwelt her spiritual father--an aged and +stately monk, in whom she cherished unbounded confidence. To Fabio's +questions she replied that she desired to alleviate by confession her +soul, which was oppressed with the impressions of the last few days. As +he gazed at Valeria's sunken visage, as he listened to her faint voice, +Fabio himself approved of her plan: venerable Father Lorenzo might be +able to give her useful advice, disperse her doubts.... Under the +protection of four escorts, Valeria set out for the monastery, but Fabio +remained at home; and while awaiting the return of his wife, he roamed +about the garden, trying to understand what had happened to her, and +feeling the unremitting terror and wrath and pain of indefinite +suspicions.... More than once he entered the pavilion; but Muzio had not +returned, and the Malay stared at Fabio like a statue, with an +obsequious inclination of his head, and a far-away grin--at least, so it +seemed to Fabio--a far-away grin on his bronze countenance. + +In the meantime Valeria had narrated everything in confession to her +confessor, being less ashamed than frightened. The confessor listened to +her attentively, blessed her, absolved her from her involuntary +sins,--but thought to himself: "Magic, diabolical witchcraft ... things +cannot be left in this condition".... and accompanied Valeria to her +villa, ostensibly for the purpose of definitely calming and comforting +her. + +At the sight of the confessor Fabio was somewhat startled; but the +experienced old man had already thought out beforehand how he ought to +proceed. On being left alone with Fabio, he did not, of course, betray +the secrets of the confessional; but he advised him to banish from his +house, if that were possible, his invited guest who, by his tales, +songs, and his whole conduct, had upset Valeria's imagination. Moreover, +in the old man's opinion, Muzio had not been firm in the faith in days +gone by, as he now recalled to mind; and after having sojourned so long +in regions not illuminated by the light of Christianity, he might have +brought thence the infection of false doctrines; he might even have +dabbled in magic; and therefore, although old friendship did assert its +rights, still wise caution pointed to parting as indispensable. + +Fabio thoroughly agreed with the venerable monk. Valeria even beamed all +over when her husband communicated to her her confessor's counsel; and +accompanied by the good wishes of both husband and wife, and provided +with rich gifts for the monastery and the poor, Father Lorenzo wended +his way home. + +Fabio had intended to have an explanation with Muzio directly after +supper, but his strange guest did not return to supper. Then Fabio +decided to defer the interview with Muzio until the following day, and +husband and wife withdrew to their bed-chamber. + + + + +IX + + +Valeria speedily fell asleep; but Fabio could not get to sleep. In the +nocturnal silence all that he had seen, all that he had felt, presented +itself to him in a still more vivid manner; with still greater +persistence did he ask himself questions, to which, as before, he found +no answer. Was Muzio really a magician? And had he already poisoned +Valeria? She was ill ... but with what malady? While he was engrossed in +painful meditations, with his head propped on his hand and restraining +his hot breathing, the moon again rose in the cloudless sky; and +together with its rays, through the semi-transparent window-panes, in +the direction of the pavilion, there began to stream in--or did Fabio +merely imagine it?--there began to stream in a breath resembling a +faint, perfumed current of air.... + +Now an importunate, passionate whisper began to make itself heard ... +and at that same moment he noticed that Valeria was beginning to stir +slightly. He started, gazed; she rose, thrust first one foot, then the +other from the bed, and, like a somnambulist, with her dull eyes +strained straight ahead, and her arms extended before her, she advanced +toward the door into the garden! Fabio instantly sprang through the +other door of the bedroom, and briskly running round the corner of the +house, he closed the one which led into the garden.... He had barely +succeeded in grasping the handle when he felt some one trying to open +the door from within, throwing their force against it ... more and more +strongly ... then frightened moans resounded. + + * * * * * + +"But Muzio cannot have returned from the town, surely," flashed through +Fabio's head, and he darted into the pavilion.... + +What did he behold? + +Coming to meet him, along the path brilliantly flooded with the radiance +of the moonlight, also with arms outstretched and lifeless eyes staring +widely--was Muzio.... Fabio ran up to him, but the other, without +noticing him, walked on, advancing with measured steps, and his +impassive face was smiling in the moonlight like the face of the Malay. +Fabio tried to call him by name ... but at that moment he heard a window +bang in the house behind him.... He glanced round.... + +In fact, the window of the bedroom was open from top to bottom, and with +one foot thrust across the sill stood Valeria in the window ... and her +arms seemed to be seeking Muzio, her whole being was drawn toward him. + +Unspeakable wrath flooded Fabio's breast in a suddenly-invading +torrent.--"Accursed sorcerer!" he yelled fiercely, and seizing Muzio by +the throat with one hand, he fumbled with the other for the dagger in +his belt, and buried its blade to the hilt in his side. + +Muzio uttered a piercing shriek, and pressing the palm of his hand to +the wound, fled, stumbling, back to the pavilion.... But at that same +instant, when Fabio stabbed him, Valeria uttered an equally piercing +shriek and fell to the ground like one mowed down. + +Fabio rushed to her, raised her up, carried her to the bed, spoke to +her.... + +For a long time she lay motionless; but at last she opened her eyes, +heaved a deep sigh, convulsively and joyously, like a person who has +just been saved from inevitable death,--caught sight of her husband, and +encircling his neck with her arms, pressed herself to his breast. + +"Thou, thou, it is thou," she stammered. Gradually the clasp of her arms +relaxed, her head sank backward, and whispering, with a blissful +smile:--"Thank God, all is over.... But how weary I am!"--she fell into +a profound but not heavy slumber. + + + + +X + + +Fabio sank down beside her bed, and never taking his eyes from her pale, +emaciated, but already tranquil face, he began to reflect upon what had +taken place ... and also upon how he ought to proceed now. What was he +to do? If he had slain Muzio--and when he recalled how deeply the blade +of his dagger had penetrated he could not doubt that he had done +so--then it was impossible to conceal the fact. He must bring it to the +knowledge of the Duke, of the judges ... but how was he to explain, how +was he to narrate such an incomprehensible affair? He, Fabio, had slain +in his own house his relative, his best friend! People would ask, "What +for? For what cause?..." But what if Muzio were not slain?--Fabio had +not the strength to remain any longer in uncertainty, and having made +sure that Valeria was asleep, he cautiously rose from his arm-chair, +left the house, and directed his steps toward the pavilion. All was +silent in it; only in one window was a light visible. With sinking heart +he opened the outer door--(a trace of bloody fingers still clung to it, +and on the sand of the path drops of blood made black patches)-- +raversed the first dark chamber ... and halted on the threshold, +petrified with astonishment. + +In the centre of the room, on a Persian rug, with a brocade cushion +under his head, covered with a wide scarlet shawl with black figures, +lay Muzio, with all his limbs stiffly extended. His face, yellow as wax, +with closed eyes and lids which had become blue, was turned toward the +ceiling, and no breath was to be detected: he seemed to be dead. At his +feet, also enveloped in a scarlet shawl, knelt the Malay. He held in his +left hand a branch of some unfamiliar plant, resembling a fern, and +bending slightly forward, he was gazing at his master, never taking his +eyes from him. A small torch, thrust into the floor, burned with a +greenish flame, and was the only light in the room. Its flame did not +flicker nor smoke. + +The Malay did not stir at Fabio's entrance, but merely darted a glance +at him and turned his eyes again upon Muzio. From time to time he +raised himself a little, and lowered the branch, waving it through the +air,--and his dumb lips slowly parted and moved, as though uttering +inaudible words. Between Muzio and the Malay there lay upon the floor +the dagger with which Fabio had stabbed his friend. The Malay smote the +blood-stained blade with his bough. One minute passed ... then another. +Fabio approached the Malay, and bending toward him, he said in a low +voice: "Is he dead?"--The Malay bowed his head, and disengaging his +right hand from beneath the shawl, pointed imperiously to the door. +Fabio was about to repeat his question, but the imperious hand repeated +its gesture, and Fabio left the room, raging arid marvelling but +submitting. + +He found Valeria asleep, as before, with a still more tranquil face. He +did not undress, but seated himself by the window, propped his head on +his hand, and again became immersed in thought. The rising sun found him +still in the same place. Valeria had not wakened. + + + + +XI + + +Fabio was intending to wait until she should awake, and then go to +Ferrara--when suddenly some one tapped lightly at the door of the +bedroom. Fabio went out and beheld before him his aged major-domo, +Antonio. + +"Signor," began the old man, "the Malay has just informed us that Signor +Muzio is ailing and desires to remove with all his effects to the town; +and therefore he requests that you will furnish him with the aid of some +persons to pack his things--and that you will send, about dinner-time, +both pack-and saddle-horses and a few men as guard. Do you permit?" + +"Did the Malay tell thee that?" inquired Fabio. "In what manner? For he +is dumb." + +"Here, signor, is a paper on which he wrote all this in our language, +very correctly." + +"And Muzio is ill, sayest thou?" + +"Yes, very ill, and he cannot be seen." + +"Has not a physician been sent for?" + +"No; the Malay would not allow it." + +"And was it the Malay who wrote this for thee?" + +"Yes, it was he." + +Fabio was silent for a space. + +"Very well, take the necessary measures," he said at last. + +Antonio withdrew. + +Fabio stared after his servant in perplexity.--"So he was not +killed?"--he thought ... and he did not know whether to rejoice or to +grieve.--"He is ill?"--But a few hours ago he had beheld him a corpse! + +Fabio returned to Valeria. She was awake, and raised her head. The +husband and wife exchanged a long, significant look. + +"Is he already dead?" said Valeria suddenly.--Fabio shuddered. + +"What ... he is not?--Didst thou.... Has he gone away?" she went on. + +Fabio's heart was relieved.--"Not yet; but he is going away to-day." + +"And I shall never, never see him again?" + +"Never." + +"And those visions will not be repeated?" + +"No." + +Valeria heaved another sigh of relief; a blissful smile again made its +appearance on her lips. She put out both hands to her husband. + +"And we shall never speak of him, never, hearest thou, my dear one. And +I shall not leave this room until he is gone. But now do thou send me my +serving-women ... and stay: take that thing!"--she pointed to a pearl +necklace which lay on the night-stand, the necklace which Muzio had +given her,---"and throw it immediately into our deep well. Embrace me--I +am thy Valeria--and do not come to me until ... that man is gone." + +Fabio took the necklace--its pearls seemed to have grown dim--and +fulfilled his wife's behest. Then he began to roam about the garden, +gazing from a distance at the pavilion, around which the bustle of +packing was already beginning. Men were carrying out chests, lading +horses ... but the Malay was not among them. An irresistible feeling +drew Fabio to gaze once more on what was going on in the pavilion. He +recalled the fact that in its rear facade there was a secret door +through which one might penetrate to the interior of the chamber where +Muzio had been lying that morning. He stole up to that door, found it +unlocked, and pushing aside the folds of a heavy curtain, darted in an +irresolute glance. + + + + +XII + + +Muzio was no longer lying on the rug. Dressed in travelling attire, he +was sitting in an arm-chair, but appeared as much of a corpse as at +Fabio's first visit. The petrified head had fallen against the back of +the chair, the hands lay flat, motionless, and yellow on the knees. His +breast did not heave. Round about the chair, on the floor strewn with +dried herbs, stood several flat cups filled with a dark liquid which +gave off a strong, almost suffocating odour,--the odour of musk. Around +each cup was coiled a small, copper-coloured serpent, which gleamed here +and there with golden spots; and directly in front of Muzio, a couple of +paces distant from him, rose up the tall figure of the Malay, clothed in +a motley-hued mantle of brocade, girt about with a tiger's tail, with a +tall cap in the form of a horned tiara on his head. + +But he was not motionless: now he made devout obeisances and seemed to +be praying, again he drew himself up to his full height, even stood on +tiptoe; now he threw his hands apart in broad and measured sweep, now he +waved them urgently in the direction of Muzio, and seemed to be menacing +or commanding with them, as he contracted his brows in a frown and +stamped his foot. All these movements evidently cost him great effort, +and even caused him suffering: he breathed heavily, the sweat streamed +from his face. Suddenly he stood stock-still on one spot, and inhaling +the air into his lungs and scowling, he stretched forward, then drew +toward him his clenched fists, as though he were holding reins in +them ... and to Fabio's indescribable horror, Muzio's head slowly +separated itself from the back of the chair and reached out after the +Malay's hands.... The Malay dropped his hands, and Muzio's head again +sank heavily backward; the Malay repeated his gestures, and the obedient +head repeated them after him. The dark liquid in the cups began to +seethe with a faint sound; the very cups themselves emitted a faint +tinkling, and the copper snakes began to move around each of them in +undulating motion. Then the Malay advanced a pace, and elevating his +eyebrows very high and opening his eyes until they were of huge size, he +nodded his head at Muzio ... and the eyelids of the corpse began to +flutter, parted unevenly, and from beneath them the pupils, dull as lead, +revealed themselves. With proud triumph and joy--a joy that was almost +malicious--beamed the face of the Malay; he opened his lips widely, and +from the very depths of his throat a prolonged roar wrested itself with +an effort.... Muzio's lips parted also, and a faint groan trembled on +them in reply to that inhuman sound. + +But at this point Fabio could endure it no longer: he fancied that he +was witnessing some devilish incantations! He also uttered a shriek and +started off at a run homeward, without looking behind him,--homeward as +fast as he could go, praying and crossing himself as he ran. + + + + +XIII + + +Three hours later Antonio presented himself before him with the report +that everything was ready, all the things were packed, and Signor Muzio +was preparing to depart. Without uttering a word in answer to his +servant, Fabio stepped out on the terrace, whence the pavilion was +visible. Several pack-horses were grouped in front of it; at the porch +itself a powerful black stallion, with a roomy saddle adapted for two +riders, was drawn up. There also stood the servants with bared heads and +the armed escort. The door of the pavilion opened and, supported by the +Malay, Muzio made his appearance. His face was deathlike, and his arms +hung down like those of a corpse,--but he walked ... yes! he put one +foot before the other, and once mounted on the horse, he held himself +upright, and got hold of the reins by fumbling. The Malay thrust his +feet into the stirrups, sprang up behind him on the saddle, encircled +his waist with his arm,--and the whole procession set out. The horses +proceeded at a walk, and when they made the turn in front of the house, +Fabio fancied that on Muzio's dark countenance two small white patches +gleamed.... Could it be that he had turned his eyes that way?--The Malay +alone saluted him ... mockingly, but as usual. + +Did Valeria see all this? The shutters of her windows were closed ... +but perhaps she was standing behind them. + + + + +XIV + + +At dinner-time she entered the dining-room, and was very quiet and +affectionate; but she still complained of being weary. Yet there was no +agitation about her, nor any of her former constant surprise and secret +fear; and when, on the day after Muzio's departure, Fabio again set +about her portrait, he found in her features that pure expression, the +temporary eclipse of which had so disturbed him ... and his brush flew +lightly and confidently over the canvas. + +Husband and wife began to live their life as of yore. Muzio had vanished +for them as though he had never existed. And both Fabio and Valeria +seemed to have entered into a compact not to recall him by a single +sound, not to inquire about his further fate; and it remained a mystery +for all others as well. Muzio really did vanish, as though he had sunk +through the earth. One day Fabio thought himself bound to relate to +Valeria precisely what had occurred on that fateful night ... but she, +probably divining his intention, held her breath, and her eyes narrowed +as though she were anticipating a blow.... And Fabio understood her: he +did not deal her that blow. + +One fine autumnal day Fabio was putting the finishing touches to the +picture of his Cecilia; Valeria was sitting at the organ, and her +fingers were wandering over the keys.... Suddenly, contrary to her own +volition, from beneath her fingers rang out that Song of Love Triumphant +which Muzio had once played,--and at that same instant, for the first +time since her marriage, she felt within her the palpitation of a new, +germinating life.... Valeria started and stopped short.... + +What was the meaning of this? Could it be.... + +With this word the manuscript came to an end. + + + + + + +CLARA MILITCH + +A TALE + +(1882) + + + + +I + + +In the spring of 1878 there lived in Moscow, in a small wooden house on +Shabolovka Street, a young man five-and-twenty years of age, Yakoff +Aratoff by name. With him lived his aunt, an old maid, over fifty years +of age, his father's sister, Platonida Ivanovna. She managed his +housekeeping and took charge of his expenditures, of which Aratoff was +utterly incapable. He had no other relations. Several years before, his +father, a petty and not wealthy noble of the T---- government, had +removed to Moscow, together with him and Platonida Ivanovna who, by the +way, was always called Platosha; and her nephew called her so too. When +he quitted the country where all of them had constantly dwelt hitherto, +old Aratoff had settled in the capital with the object of placing his +son in the university, for which he had himself prepared him; he +purchased for a trifling sum a small house on one of the remote streets, +and installed himself therein with all his books and "preparations." And +of books and preparations he had many, for he was a man not devoid of +learning ... "a supernatural eccentric," according to the words of his +neighbours. He even bore among them the reputation of a magician: he had +even received the nickname of "the insect-observer." He busied himself +with chemistry, mineralogy, entomology, botany, and medicine; he treated +voluntary patients with herbs and metallic powders of his own +concoction, after the method of Paracelsus. With those same powders he +had sent into the grave his young, pretty, but already too delicate +wife, whom he had passionately loved, and by whom he had had an only +son. With those same metallic powders he had wrought considerable havoc +with the health of his son also, which, on the contrary, he had wished +to reinforce, as he detected in his organisation anaemia and a tendency +to consumption inherited from his mother. The title of "magician" he had +acquired, among other things, from the fact that he considered himself a +great-grandson--not in the direct line, of course--of the famous Bruce, +in whose honour he had named his son Yakoff.[51] He was the sort of man +who is called "very good-natured," but of a melancholy temperament, +fussy, and timid, with a predilection for everything that was mysterious +or mystical.... "Ah!" uttered in a half-whisper was his customary +exclamation; and he died with that exclamation on his lips, two years +after his removal to Moscow. + +His son Yakoff did not, in outward appearance, resemble his father, who +had been homely in person, clumsy and awkward; he reminded one rather of +his mother. There were the same delicate, pretty features, the same soft +hair of ashblonde hue, the same plump, childish lips, and large, +languishing, greenish-grey eyes, and feathery eyelashes. On the other +hand in disposition he resembled his father; and his face, which did not +resemble his father's, bore the stamp of his father's expression; and he +had angular arms, and a sunken chest, like old Aratoff, who, by the way, +should hardly be called an old man, since he did not last to the age of +fifty. During the latter's lifetime Yakoff had already entered the +university, in the physico-mathematical faculty; but he did not finish +his course,--not out of idleness, but because, according to his ideas, a +person can learn no more in the university than he can teach himself at +home; and he did not aspire to a diploma, as he was not intending to +enter the government service. He avoided his comrades, made acquaintance +with hardly any one, was especially shy of women, and lived a very +isolated life, immersed in his books. He was shy of women, although he +had a very tender heart, and was captivated by beauty.... He even +acquired the luxury of an English keepsake, and (Oh, for shame!) admired +the portraits of divers, bewitching Gulnares and Medoras which "adorned" +it.... But his inborn modesty constantly restrained him. At home he +occupied his late father's study, which had also been his bedroom; and +his bed was the same on which his father had died. + +The great support of his whole existence, his unfailing comrade and +friend, was his aunt, that Platosha, with whom he exchanged barely ten +words a day, but without whom he could not take a step. She was a +long-visaged, long-toothed being, with pale eyes in a pale face, and an +unvarying expression partly of sadness, partly of anxious alarm. +Eternally attired in a grey gown, and a grey shawl which was redolent of +camphor, she wandered about the house like a shadow, with noiseless +footsteps; she sighed, whispered prayers--especially one, her favourite, +which consisted of two words: "Lord, help!"--and managed the +housekeeping very vigorously, hoarding every kopek and buying everything +herself. She worshipped her nephew; she was constantly fretting about +his health, was constantly in a state of alarm, not about herself but +about him, and as soon as she thought there was anything the matter with +him, she would quietly approach and place on his writing-table a cup of +herb-tea, or stroke his back with her hands, which were as soft as +wadding. + +This coddling did not annoy Yakoff, but he did not drink the herb-tea, +and only nodded approvingly. But neither could he boast of his health. +He was extremely sensitive, nervous, suspicious; he suffered from +palpitation of the heart, and sometimes from asthma. Like his father, he +believed that there existed in nature and in the soul of man secrets, of +which glimpses may sometimes be caught, though they cannot be +understood; he believed in the presence of certain forces and +influences, sometimes well-disposed but more frequently hostile ... and +he also believed in science,--in its dignity and worth. Of late he had +conceived a passion for photography. The odour of the ingredients used +in that connection greatly disturbed his old aunt,--again not on her own +behalf, but for Yasha's sake, on account of his chest. But with all his +gentleness of disposition he possessed no small portion of stubbornness, +and he diligently pursued his favourite occupation. "Platosha" +submitted, and merely sighed more frequently than ever, and whispered +"Lord, help!" as she gazed at his fingers stained with iodine. + +Yakoff, as has already been stated, shunned his comrades; but with one +of them he struck up a rather close friendship, and saw him frequently, +even after that comrade, on leaving the university, entered the +government service, which, however, was not very exacting: to use his +own words, he had "tacked himself on" to the building of the Church of +the Saviour[52] without, of course, knowing anything whatever about +architecture. Strange to say, that solitary friend of Aratoff's, Kupfer +by name, a German who was Russified to the extent of not knowing a +single word of German, and even used the epithet "German"[53] as a term +of opprobrium,--that friend had, to all appearance, nothing in common +with him. He was a jolly, rosy-cheeked young fellow with black, curly +hair, loquacious, and very fond of that feminine society which Aratoff +so shunned. Truth to tell, Kupfer breakfasted and dined with him rather +often, and even--as he was not a rich man--borrowed small sums of money +from him; but it was not that which made the free-and-easy German so +diligently frequent the little house on Shabolovka Street. He had taken +a liking to Yakoff's spiritual purity, his "ideality,"--possibly as a +contrast to what he daily encountered and beheld;--or, perhaps, in that +same attraction toward "ideality" the young man's German blood revealed +itself. And Yakoff liked Kupfer's good-natured frankness; and in +addition to this, his tales of the theatres, concerts, and balls which +he constantly attended--in general of that alien world into which Yakoff +could not bring himself to penetrate--secretly interested and even +excited the young recluse, yet without arousing in him a desire to test +all this in his own experience. And Platosha liked Kupfer; she sometimes +thought him too unceremonious, it is true; but instinctively feeling and +understanding that he was sincerely attached to her beloved Yasha, she +not only tolerated the noisy visitor, but even felt a kindness for him. + + + + +II + + +At the time of which we are speaking, there was in Moscow a certain +widow, a Georgian Princess,--a person of ill-defined standing and almost +a suspicious character. She was about forty years of age; in her youth +she had, probably, bloomed with that peculiar oriental beauty, which so +quickly fades; now she powdered and painted herself, and dyed her hair a +yellow hue. Various, not altogether favourable, and not quite definite, +rumours were in circulation about her; no one had known her husband--and +in no one city had she lived for any length of time. She had neither +children nor property; but she lived on a lavish scale,--on credit or +otherwise. She held a salon, as the saying is, and received a decidedly +mixed company--chiefly composed of young men. Her whole establishment, +beginning with her own toilette, furniture, and table, and ending with +her equipage and staff of servants, bore a certain stamp of inferiority, +artificiality, transitoriness ... but neither the Princess herself nor +her guests, apparently, demanded anything better. The Princess was +reputed to be fond of music and literature, to be a patroness of actors +and artists; and she really did take an interest in these "questions," +even to an enthusiastic degree--and even to a pitch of rapture which was +not altogether simulated. She indubitably did possess the aesthetic +chord. Moreover, she was very accessible, amiable, devoid of +pretensions, of affectation, and--a fact which many did not suspect--in +reality extremely kind, tender-hearted and obliging.... Rare qualities, +and therefore all the more precious, precisely in individuals of that +stamp. + +"A frivolous woman!" one clever person said concerning her, "and she +will infallibly get into paradise! For she forgives everything--and +everything will be forgiven her!"--It was also said concerning her that +when she disappeared from any town, she always left behind her as many +creditors as persons whom she had loaded with benefits. A soft heart can +be pressed in any direction you like. + +Kupfer, as was to be expected, was a visitor at her house, and became +very intimate with her ... altogether too intimate, so malicious tongues +asserted. But he always spoke of her not only in a friendly manner, but +also with respect; he lauded her as a woman of gold--interpret that as +you please!--and was a firm believer in her love for art, and in her +comprehension of art!--So then, one day after dinner, at the Aratoffs', +after having discussed the Princess and her evening gatherings, he began +to urge Yakoff to break in upon his life of an anchorite for once, and +permit him, Kupfer, to introduce him to his friend. At first Yakoff +would not hear to anything of the sort. + +"Why, what idea hast thou got into thy head?" exclaimed Kupfer at last. +"What sort of a presentation is in question? I shall simply take thee, +just as thou art now sitting there, in thy frock-coat, and conduct thee +to her evening. They do not stand on ceremony in the least there, +brother! Here now, thou art learned, and thou art fond of music" (there +actually was in Aratoff's study a small piano, on which he occasionally +struck a few chords in diminished sevenths)--"and in her house there is +any quantity of that sort of thing!... And there thou wilt meet +sympathetic people, without any airs! And, in conclusion, it is not +right that at thy age, with thy personal appearance" (Aratoff dropped +his eyes and waved his hand)--"yes, yes, with thy personal appearance, +thou shouldst shun society, the world, in this manner! I'm not going to +take thee to call on generals, seest thou! Moreover, I don't know any +generals myself!... Don't be stubborn, my dear fellow! Morality is a +good thing, a thing worthy of respect.... But why give thyself up to +asceticism? Assuredly, thou art not preparing to become a monk!" + +Aratoff continued, nevertheless, to resist; but Platonida Ivanovna +unexpectedly came to Kupfer's assistance. Although she did not quite +understand the meaning of the word "asceticism," still she also thought +that it would not be a bad idea for Yashenka to divert himself, to take +a look at people,--and show himself.--"The more so," she added, "that I +have confidence in Feodor Feodoritch! He will not take thee to any bad +place!..." + +"I'll restore him to thee in all his pristine purity!" cried Kupfer, at +whom Platonida Ivanovna, in spite of her confidence, kept casting +uneasy glances; Aratoff blushed to his very ears--but he ceased to +object. + +It ended in Kupfer taking him, on the following day, to the Princess's +evening assembly. But Aratoff did not remain there long. In the first +place, he found at her house about twenty guests, men and women, who +were, presumably, sympathetic, but who were strangers to him, +nevertheless; and this embarrassed him, although he was obliged to talk +very little: but he feared this most of all. In the second place, he did +not like the hostess herself, although she welcomed him very cordially +and unaffectedly. Everything about her displeased him; her painted face, +and her churned-up curls, and her hoarsely-mellifluous voice, her shrill +laugh, her way of rolling up her eyes, her too _decollete_ bodice--and +those plump, shiny fingers with a multitude of rings!... Slinking off +into a corner, he now swiftly ran his eyes over the faces of all the +guests, as though he did not even distinguish one from another; again he +stared persistently at his own feet. But when, at last, an artist who +had just come to town, with a drink-sodden countenance, extremely long +hair, and a bit of glass under his puckered brow, seated himself at the +piano, and bringing down his hands on the keys and his feet on the +pedals, with a flourish, began to bang out a fantasia by Liszt on a +Wagnerian theme, Aratoff could stand it no longer, and slipped away, +bearing in his soul a confused and oppressive impression, athwart which, +nevertheless, there pierced something which he did not understand, but +which was significant and even agitating. + + + + +III + + +Kupfer came on the following day to dinner; but he did not enlarge upon +the preceding evening, he did not even reproach Aratoff for his hasty +flight, and merely expressed regret that he had not waited for supper, +at which champagne had been served! (of Nizhegorod[54] fabrication, we +may remark in parenthesis). + +Kupfer probably understood that he had made a mistake in trying to +rouse his friend, and that Aratoff was a man who positively was not +adapted to that sort of society and manner of life. On his side, Aratoff +also did not allude to the Princess or to the night before. Platonida +Ivanovna did not know whether to rejoice at the failure of this first +attempt or to regret it. She decided, at last, that Yasha's health might +suffer from such expeditions, and regained her complacency. Kupfer went +away directly after dinner, and did not show himself again for a whole +week. And that not because he was sulking at Aratoff for the failure of +his introduction,--the good-natured fellow was incapable of such a +thing,--but he had, evidently, found some occupation which engrossed all +his time, all his thoughts;--for thereafter he rarely came to the +Aratoffs', wore an abstracted aspect, and soon vanished.... Aratoff +continued to live on as before; but some hitch, if we may so express +ourselves, had secured lodgment in his soul. He still recalled something +or other, without himself being quite aware what it was precisely,--and +that "something" referred to the evening which he had spent at the +Princess's house. Nevertheless, he had not the slightest desire to +return to it; and society, a section of which he had inspected in her +house, repelled him more than ever. Thus passed six weeks. + +And lo! one morning, Kupfer again presented himself to him, this time +with a somewhat embarrassed visage. + +"I know," he began, with a forced laugh, "that thy visit that evening +was not to thy taste; but I hope that thou wilt consent to my proposal +nevertheless ... and wilt not refuse my request." + +"What art thou talking about?" inquired Aratoff. + +"See here," pursued Kupfer, becoming more and more animated; "there +exists here a certain society of amateurs and artists, which from time +to time organises readings, concerts, even theatrical representations, +for philanthropic objects...." + +"And the Princess takes part?" interrupted Aratoff. + +"The Princess always takes part in good works--but that is of no +consequence. We have got up a literary and musical morning ... and at +that performance thou mayest hear a young girl ... a remarkable young +girl!--We do not quite know, as yet, whether she will turn out a Rachel +or a Viardot ... for she sings splendidly, and declaims and acts.... She +has talent of the first class, my dear fellow! I am not +exaggerating.--So here now ... wilt not thou take a ticket?--Five rubles +if thou wishest the first row." + +"And where did this wonderful young girl come from?" asked Aratoff. + +Kupfer grinned.--"That I cannot say.... Of late she has found an asylum +with the Princess. The Princess, as thou knowest, is a patron of all +such people.... And it is probable that thou sawest her that evening." + +Aratoff started inwardly, faintly ... but made no answer. + +"She has even acted somewhere in country districts," went on Kupfer, +"and, on the whole, she was created for the theatre. Thou shalt see for +thyself!" + +"Is her name Clara?" asked Aratoff. + +"Yes, Clara...." + +"Clara!" interrupted Aratoff again.--"It cannot be!" + +"Why not?--Clara it is, ... Clara Militch; that is not her real name ... +but that is what she is called. She is to sing a romance by Glinka ... +and one by Tchaikovsky, and then she will recite the letter from 'Evgeny +Onyegin'[55]--Come now! Wilt thou take a ticket?" + +"But when is it to be?" + +"To-morrow ... to-morrow, at half-past one, in a private hall, on +Ostozhyonka Street.... I will come for thee. A ticket at five rubles?... +Here it is.... No, this is a three-ruble ticket.--Here it is.--And here +is the affiche.[56]--I am one of the managers." + +Aratoff reflected. Platonida Ivanovna entered the room at that moment +and, glancing at his face, was suddenly seized with agitation.--"Yasha," +she exclaimed, "what ails thee? Why art thou so excited? Feodor +Feodorovitch, what hast thou been saying to him?" + +But Aratoff did not give his friend a chance to answer his aunt's +question, and hastily seizing the ticket which was held out to him, he +ordered Platonida Ivanovna to give Kupfer five rubles on the instant. + +She was amazed, and began to blink her eyes.... Nevertheless, she handed +Kupfer the money in silence. Yashenka had shouted at her in a very +severe manner. + +"She's a marvel of marvels, I tell thee!" cried Kupfer, darting toward +the door.--"Expect me to-morrow!" + +"Has she black eyes?" called Aratoff after him. + +"As black as coal!" merrily roared Kupfer, and disappeared. + +Aratoff went off to his own room, while Platonida Ivanovna remained +rooted to the spot, repeating: "Help, Lord! Lord, help!" + + + + +IV + + +The large hall in a private house on Ostozhyonka Street was already half +filled with spectators when Aratoff and Kupfer arrived. Theatrical +representations were sometimes given in that hall, but on this occasion +neither stage-scenery nor curtain were visible. Those who had organised +the "morning" had confined themselves to erecting a platform at one end, +placing thereon a piano and a couple of music-racks, a few chairs, a +table with a carafe of water and a glass, and hanging a curtain of red +cloth over the door which led to the room set apart for the artists. In +the first row the Princess was already seated, clad in a bright green +gown; Aratoff placed himself at some distance from her, after barely +exchanging a bow with her. The audience was what is called motley; it +consisted chiefly of young men from various institutions of learning. +Kupfer, in his quality of a manager, with a white ribbon on the lapel of +his dress-coat, bustled and fussed about with all his might; the +Princess was visibly excited, kept looking about her, launching smiles +in all directions, and chatting with her neighbours ... there were only +men in her immediate vicinity. + +The first to make his appearance on the platform was a flute-player of +consumptive aspect, who spat out ... that is to say, piped out a piece +which was consumptive like himself. Two persons shouted "Bravo!" Then a +fat gentleman in spectacles, very sedate and even grim of aspect, +recited in a bass voice a sketch by Shtchedrin;[57] the audience +applauded the sketch, not him.--Then the pianist, who was already known +to Aratoff, presented himself, and pounded out the same Liszt fantasia; +the pianist was favoured with a recall. He bowed, with his hand resting +on the back of a chair, and after each bow he tossed back his hair +exactly like Liszt! At last, after a decidedly long intermission, the +red cloth over the door at the rear of the platform moved, was drawn +widely apart, and Clara Militch made her appearance. The hall rang with +applause. With unsteady steps she approached the front of the platform, +came to a halt, and stood motionless, with her large, red, ungloved +hands crossed in front of her, making no curtsey, neither bending her +head nor smiling. + +She was a girl of nineteen, tall, rather broad-shouldered, but well +built. Her face was swarthy, partly Hebrew, partly Gipsy in type; her +eyes were small and black beneath thick brows which almost met, her nose +was straight, slightly up-turned, her lips were thin with a beautiful +but sharp curve; she had a huge braid of black hair, which was heavy +even to the eye, a low, impassive, stony brow, tiny ears ... her whole +countenance was thoughtful, almost surly. A passionate, self-willed +nature,--not likely to be either kindly or even intelligent,--but +gifted, was manifested by everything about her. + +For a while she did not raise her eyes, but suddenly gave a start and +sent her intent but not attentive glance, which seemed to be buried in +herself, along the rows of spectators. + +"What tragic eyes!" remarked a certain grey-haired fop, who sat behind +Aratoff, with the face of a courtesan from Revel,--one of Moscow's +well-known first-nighters and rounders. The fop was stupid and intended +to utter a bit of nonsense ... but he had spoken the truth! Aratoff, who +had never taken his eyes from Clara since she had made her appearance, +only then recalled that he actually had seen her at the Princess's; and +had not only seen her, but had even noticed that she had several times +looked at him with particular intentness out of her dark, watchful eyes. +And on this occasion also ... or did he merely fancy that it was so?--on +catching sight of him in the first row, she seemed to be delighted, +seemed to blush--and again she gazed intently at him. Then, without +turning round, she retreated a couple of paces in the direction of the +piano, at which the accompanist, the long-haired foreigner, was already +seated. She was to execute Glinka's romance, "As soon as I recognised +thee...." She immediately began to sing, without altering the position +of her hands and without glancing at the notes. Her voice was soft and +resonant,--a contralto,--she pronounced her words distinctly and +forcibly, and sang monotonously, without shading but with strong +expression. + +"The lass sings with conviction," remarked the same fop who sat behind +Aratoff,--and again he spoke the truth. + +Shouts of "Bis!" "Bravo!" resounded all about, but she merely darted a +swift glance at Aratoff, who was neither shouting nor clapping,--he had +not been particularly pleased by her singing,--made a slight bow and +withdrew, without taking the arm of the hairy pianist which he had +crooked out like a cracknel. She was recalled ... but it was some time +before she made her appearance, advanced to the piano with the same +uncertain tread as before, and after whispering a couple of words to her +accompanist, who was obliged to get and place on the rack before him not +the music he had prepared but something else,--she began Tchaikovsky's +romance: "No, only he who hath felt the thirst of meeting".... This +romance she sang in a different way from the first--in an undertone, as +though she were weary ... and only in the line before the last, "He will +understand how I have suffered,"--did a ringing, burning cry burst from +her. The last line, "And how I suffer...." she almost whispered, sadly +prolonging the final word. This romance produced a slighter impression +on the audience than Glinka's; but there was a great deal of +applause.... Kupfer, in particular, distinguished himself: he brought +his hands together in a peculiar manner, in the form of a cask, when he +clapped, thereby producing a remarkably sonorous noise. The Princess +gave him a large, dishevelled bouquet, which he was to present to the +songstress; but the latter did not appear to perceive Kupfer's bowed +figure, and his hand outstretched with the bouquet, and she turned and +withdrew, again without waiting for the pianist, who had sprung to his +feet with still greater alacrity than before to escort her, and who, +being thus left in the lurch, shook his hair as Liszt himself, in all +probability, never shook his! + +During the whole time she was singing Aratoff had been scanning Clara's +face. It seemed to him that her eyes, athwart her contracted lashes, +were again turned on him. But he was particularly struck by the +impassiveness of that face, that forehead, those brows, and only when +she uttered her passionate cry did he notice a row of white, closely-set +teeth gleaming warmly from between her barely parted lips. Kupfer +stepped up to him. + +"Well, brother, what dost thou think of her?" he asked, all beaming with +satisfaction. + +"She has a fine voice," replied Aratoff, "but she does not know how to +sing yet, she has had no real school." (Why he said this and what he +meant by "school" the Lord only knows!) + +Kupfer was surprised.--"She has no school," he repeated slowly.... +"Well, now.... She can still study. But on the other hand, what soul! +But just wait until thou hast heard her recite Tatyana's letter." + +He ran away from Aratoff, and the latter thought: "Soul! With that +impassive face!"--He thought that she bore herself and moved like a +hypnotised person, like a somnambulist.... And, at the same time, she +was indubitably.... Yes! she was indubitably staring at him. + +Meanwhile the "morning" went on. The fat man in spectacles presented +himself again; despite his serious appearance he imagined that he was a +comic artist and read a scene from Gogol, this time without evoking a +single token of approbation. The flute-player flitted past once more; +again the pianist thundered; a young fellow of twenty, pomaded and +curled, but with traces of tears on his cheeks, sawed out some +variations on his fiddle. It might have appeared strange that in the +intervals between the recitations and the music the abrupt notes of a +French horn were wafted, now and then, from the artists' room; but this +instrument was not used, nevertheless. It afterward came out that the +amateur who had offered to perform on it had been seized with a panic at +the moment when he should have made his appearance before the audience. +So at last, Clara Militch appeared again. + +She held in her hand a small volume of Pushkin; but during her reading +she never once glanced at it.... She was obviously frightened; the +little book shook slightly in her fingers. Aratoff also observed the +expression of dejection which _now_ overspread her stern features. The +first line: "I write to you ... what would you more?" she uttered with +extreme simplicity, almost ingenuously,--stretching both arms out in +front of her with an ingenuous, sincere, helpless gesture. Then she +began to hurry a little; but beginning with the line: "Another! Nay! to +none on earth could I have given e'er my heart!" she regained her +self-possession, and grew animated; and when she reached the words: +"All, all life hath been a pledge of faithful meeting thus with +thee,"--her hitherto rather dull voice rang out enthusiastically and +boldly, and her eyes riveted themselves on Aratoff with a boldness and +directness to match. She went on with the same enthusiasm, and only +toward the close did her voice again fall, and in it and in her face her +previous dejection was again depicted. She made a complete muddle, as +the saying is, of the last four lines,--the little volume of Pushkin +suddenly slipped from her hands, and she beat a hasty retreat. + +The audience set to applauding and recalling her in desperate +fashion.... One theological student,--a Little Russian,--among others, +bellowed so loudly: "Muiluitch! Muiluitch!"[58] that his neighbour +politely and sympathetically begged him to "spare himself, as a future +proto-deacon!"[59] But Aratoff immediately rose and betook himself to +the entrance. Kupfer overtook him.... + +"Good gracious, whither art thou going?" he yelled:--"I'll introduce +thee to Clara if thou wishest--shall I?" + +"No, thanks," hastily replied Aratoff, and set off homeward almost at a +run. + + + + +V + + +Strange emotions, which were not clear even to himself, agitated him. In +reality, Clara's recitation had not altogether pleased him either ... +altogether he could not tell precisely why. It had troubled him, that +recitation, it had seemed to him harsh, unmelodious.... Somehow it +seemed to have broken something within him, to have exerted some sort of +violence. And those importunate, persistent, almost insolent +glances--what had caused them? What did they signify? + +Aratoff's modesty did permit him even a momentary thought that he might +have pleased that strange young girl, that he might have inspired her +with a sentiment akin to love, to passion!... And he had imagined to +himself quite otherwise that as yet unknown woman, that young girl, to +whom he would surrender himself wholly, and who would love him, become +his bride, his wife.... He rarely dreamed of this: he was chaste both in +body and soul;--but the pure image which rose up in his imagination at +such times was evoked under another form,--the form of his dead mother, +whom he barely remembered, though he cherished her portrait like a +sacred treasure. That portrait had been painted in water-colours, in a +rather inartistic manner, by a friendly neighbour, but the likeness was +striking, as every one averred. The woman, the young girl, whom as yet +he did not so much as venture to expect, must possess just such a tender +profile, just such kind, bright eyes, just such silky hair, just such a +smile, just such a clear understanding.... + +But this was a black-visaged, swarthy creature, with coarse hair, and a +moustache on her lip; she must certainly be bad-tempered, giddy.... "A +gipsy" (Aratoff could not devise a worse expression)--what was she to +him? + +And in the meantime, Aratoff was unable to banish from his mind that +black-visaged gipsy, whose singing and recitation and even whose +personal appearance were disagreeable to him. He was perplexed, he was +angry with himself. Not long before this he had read Walter Scott's +romance "Saint Ronan's Well" (there was a complete edition of Walter +Scott's works in the library of his father, who revered the English +romance-writer as a serious, almost a learned author). The heroine of +that romance is named Clara Mowbray. A poet of the '40's, Krasoff, wrote +a poem about her, which wound up with the words: + + "Unhappy Clara! foolish Clara! + Unhappy Clara Mowbray!" + +Aratoff was acquainted with this poem also.... And now these words kept +incessantly recurring to his memory.... "Unhappy Clara! foolish +Clara!..." (That was why he had been so surprised when Kupfer mentioned +Clara Militch to him.) Even Platosha noticed, not precisely a change in +Yakoff's frame of mind--as a matter of fact, no change had taken +place--but something wrong about his looks, in his remarks. She +cautiously interrogated him about the literary morning at which he had +been present;--she whispered, sighed, scrutinised him from in front, +scrutinised him from the side, from behind--and suddenly, slapping her +hands on her thighs, she exclaimed: + +"Well, Yashal--I see what the trouble is!" + +"What dost thou mean?" queried Aratoff in his turn. + +"Thou hast certainly met at that morning some one of those +tail-draggers" (that was what Platonida Ivanovna called all ladies who +wore fashionable gowns).... "She has a comely face--and she puts on airs +like _this_,--and twists her face like _this_" (Platosha depicted all +this in her face), "and she makes her eyes go round like this...." (she +mimicked this also, describing huge circles in the air with her +forefinger).... "And it made an impression on thee, because thou art not +used to it.... But that does not signify anything, Yasha ... it does not +signify anything! Drink a cup of herb-tea when thou goest to bed, and +that will be the end of it!... Lord, help!" + +Platosha ceased speaking and took herself off.... She probably had never +made such a long and animated speech before since she was born ... but +Aratoff thought: + +"I do believe my aunt is right.... It is all because I am not used to +such things...." (He really had attracted the attention of the female +sex to himself for the first time ... at any rate, he had never noticed +it before.) "I must not indulge myself." + +So he set to work at his books, and drank some linden-flower tea when he +went to bed, and even slept well all that night, and had no dreams. On +the following morning he busied himself with his photography, as though +nothing had happened.... + +But toward evening his spiritual serenity was again disturbed. + + + + +VI + + +To wit: a messenger brought him a note, written in a large, irregular +feminine hand, which ran as follows: + +"If you guess who is writing to you, and if it does not bore you, come +to-morrow, after dinner, to the Tver boulevard--about five o'clock--and +wait. You will not be detained long. But it is very important. Come." + +There was no signature. Aratoff instantly divined who his correspondent +was, and that was precisely what disturbed him.--"What nonsense!" he +said, almost aloud. "This is too much! Of course I shall not +go."--Nevertheless, he ordered the messenger to be summoned, and from +him he learned merely that the letter had been handed to him on the +street by a maid. Having dismissed him, Aratoff reread the letter, and +flung it on the floor.... But after a while he picked it up and read it +over again; a second time he cried: "Nonsense!" He did not throw the +letter on the floor this time, however, but put it away in a drawer. + +Aratoff went about his customary avocations, busying himself now with +one, now with another; but his work did not make progress, was not a +success. Suddenly he noticed that he was waiting for Kupfer, that he +wanted to interrogate him, or even communicate something to him.... But +Kupfer did not make his appearance. Then Aratoff got Pushkin and read +Tatyana's letter and again felt convinced that that "gipsy" had not in +the least grasped the meaning of the letter. But there was that jester +Kupfer shouting: "A Rachel! A Viardot!" Then he went to his piano, +raised the cover in an abstracted sort of way, tried to search out in +his memory the melody of Tchaikovsky's romance; but he immediately +banged to the piano-lid with vexation and went to his aunt, in her own +room, which was always kept very hot, and was forever redolent of mint, +sage, and other medicinal herbs, and crowded with such a multitude of +rugs, etageres, little benches, cushions and various articles of +softly-stuffed furniture that it was difficult for an inexperienced +person to turn round in it, and breathing was oppressive. Platonida +Ivanovna was sitting by the window with her knitting-needles in her hand +(she was knitting a scarf for Yashenka--the thirty-eighth, by actual +count, during the course of his existence!)--and was greatly surprised. +Aratoff rarely entered her room, and if he needed anything he always +shouted in a shrill voice from his study: "Aunt Platosha!"--But she made +him sit down and, in anticipation of his first words, pricked up her +ears, as she stared at him through her round spectacles with one eye, +and above them with the other. She did not inquire after his health, and +did not offer him tea, for she saw that he had not come for that. +Aratoff hesitated for a while ... then began to talk ... to talk about +his mother, about the way she had lived with his father, and how his +father had made her acquaintance. He knew all this perfectly well ... +but he wanted to talk precisely about that. Unluckily for him, Platosha +did not know how to converse in the least; she made very brief replies, +as though she suspected that Yasha had not come for that purpose. + +"Certainly!"--she kept repeating hurriedly, as she plied her +knitting-needles almost in an angry way. "Every one knows that thy +mother was a dove ... a regular dove.... And thy father loved her as a +husband should love, faithfully and honourably, to the very grave; and +he never loved any other woman,"--she added, elevating her voice and +removing her spectacles. + +"And was she of a timid disposition?" asked Aratoff, after a short +pause. + +"Certainly she was. As is fitting for the female sex. The bold ones are +a recent invention." + +"And were there no bold ones in your time?" + +"There were such even in our day ... of course there were! But who were +they? Some street-walker, or shameless hussy or other. She would drag +her skirts about, and fling herself hither and thither at random.... +What did she care? What anxiety had she? If a young fool came along, he +fell into her hands. But steady-going people despised them. Dost thou +remember ever to have beheld such in our house?" + +Aratoff made no reply and returned to his study. Platonida Ivanovna +gazed after him, shook her head and again donned her spectacles, again +set to work on her scarf ... but more than once she fell into thought +and dropped her knitting-needles on her knee. + +And Aratoff until nightfall kept again and again beginning, with the +same vexation, the same ire as before, to think about "the gipsy," the +appointed tryst, to which he certainly would not go! During the night +also she worried him. He kept constantly seeing her eyes, now narrowed, +now widely opened, with their importunate gaze riveted directly on him, +and those impassive features with their imperious expression. + +On the following morning he again kept expecting Kupfer, for some reason +or other; he came near writing him a letter ... however, he did +nothing ... but spent most of his time pacing to and fro in his study. +Not for one instant did he even admit to himself the thought that he +would go to that stupid "rendezvous" ... and at half-past four, after +having swallowed his dinner in haste, he suddenly donned his overcoat +and pulling his cap down on his brows, he stole out of the house without +letting his aunt see him and wended his way to the Tver boulevard. + + + + +VII + + +Aratoff found few pedestrians on the boulevard. The weather was raw and +quite cold. He strove not to think of what he was doing. He forced +himself to turn his attention to all the objects he came across and +pretended to assure himself that he had come out to walk precisely like +the other people.... The letter of the day before was in his +side-pocket, and he was uninterruptedly conscious of its presence. He +walked the length of the boulevard a couple of times, darting keen +glances at every feminine form which approached him, and his heart +thumped, thumped violently.... He began to feel tired, and sat down on a +bench. And suddenly the idea occurred to him: "Come now, what if that +letter was not written by her but by some one else, by some other +woman?" In point of fact, that should have made no difference to him ... +and yet he was forced to admit to himself that he did not wish this. "It +would be very stupid," he thought, "still more stupid than _that_!" A +nervous restlessness began to take possession of him; he began to feel +chilly, not outwardly but inwardly. Several times he drew out his watch +from his waistcoat pocket, glanced at the face, put it back again,--and +every time forgot how many minutes were lacking to five o'clock. It +seemed to him as though every one who passed him stared at him in a +peculiar manner, surveying him with a certain sneering surprise and +curiosity. A wretched little dog ran up, sniffed at his legs and began +to wag its tail. He flourished his arms angrily at it. He was most +annoyed of all by a small boy from a factory in a bed-ticking jacket, +who seated himself on the bench and first whistled, then scratched his +head, dangling his legs, encased in huge, broken boots, the while, and +staring at him from time to time. "His employer is certainly expecting +him," thought Aratoff, "and here he is, the lazy dog, wasting his time +idling about...." + +But at that same moment it seemed to him as though some one had +approached and taken up a stand close behind him ... a warm current +emanated thence.... + +He glanced round.... It was she! + +He recognised her immediately, although a thick, dark-blue veil +concealed her features. He instantly sprang from the bench, and remained +standing there, unable to utter a word. She also maintained silence. He +felt greatly agitated ... but her agitation was as great as his: Aratoff +could not help seeing even through the veil how deadly pale she grew. +But she was the first to speak. + +"Thank you," she began in a broken voice, "thank you for coming. I did +not hope...." She turned away slightly and walked along the boulevard. +Aratoff followed her. + +"Perhaps you condemn me," she went on, without turning her head.--"As a +matter of fact, my action is very strange.... But I have heard a great +deal about you ... but no! I ... that was not the cause.... If you only +knew.... I wanted to say so much to you, my God!... But how am I to do +it?... How am I to do it!" + +Aratoff walked by her side, but a little in the rear. He did not see her +face; he saw only her hat and a part of her veil ... and her long, +threadbare cloak. All his vexation against her and against himself +suddenly returned to him; all the absurdity, all the awkwardness of this +tryst, of these explanations between utter strangers, on a public +boulevard, suddenly presented itself to him. + +"I have come hither at your behest," he began in his turn, "I have come, +my dear madame" (her shoulders quivered softly, she turned into a side +path, and he followed her), "merely for the sake of having an +explanation, of learning in consequence of what strange misunderstanding +you were pleased to appeal to me, a stranger to you, who ... who only +_guessed_, as you expressed it in your letter, that it was precisely you +who had written to him ... because he guessed that you had tried, in the +course of that literary morning to show him too much ... too much +obvious attention." + +Aratoff uttered the whole of this little speech in the same resonant but +firm voice in which men who are still very young answer at examinations +on questions for which they are well prepared.... He was indignant; he +was angry.... And that wrath had loosed his tongue which was not very +fluent on ordinary occasions. + +She continued to advance along the path with somewhat lagging steps.... +Aratoff followed her as before, and as before saw only her little old +mantilla and her small hat, which was not quite new either. His vanity +suffered at the thought that she must now be thinking: "All I had to do +was to make a sign, and he immediately hastened to me!" + +Aratoff lapsed into silence ... he expected that she would reply to him; +but she did not utter a word. + +"I am ready to listen to you," he began again, "and I shall even be very +glad if I can be of service to you in any way ... although, I must +confess, nevertheless, that I find it astonishing ... that considering +my isolated life...." + +But at his last words Clara suddenly turned to him and he beheld the +same startled, profoundly-sorrowful visage, with the same large, bright +tears in its eyes, with the same woful expression around the parted +lips; and the visage was so fine thus that he involuntarily broke off +short and felt within himself something akin to fright, and pity and +forbearance. + +"Akh, why ... why are you like this? ..." she said with irresistibly +sincere and upright force--and what a touching ring there was to her +voice!--"Is it possible that my appeal to you can have offended you?... +Is it possible that you have understood nothing?... Ah, yes! You have +not understood anything, you have not understood what I said to you. God +knows what you have imagined about me, you have not even reflected what +it cost me to write to you!... You have been anxious only on your own +account, about your own dignity, your own peace!... But did I...." (she +so tightly clenched her hands which she had raised to her lips that her +fingers cracked audibly).... "As though I had made any demands upon you, +as though explanations were requisite to begin with.... 'My dear +madame'.... 'I even find it astonishing'.... 'If I can be of service to +you'.... Akh, how foolish I have been!--I have been deceived in you, in +your face!... When I saw you for the first time.... There.... There you +stand.... And not one word do you utter! Have you really not a word to +say?" + +She had been imploring.... Her face suddenly flushed, and as suddenly +assumed an evil and audacious expression,--"O Lord! how stupid this +is!"--she cried suddenly, with a harsh laugh.--"How stupid our tryst is! +How stupid I am! ... and you, too!... Fie!" + +She made a disdainful gesture with her hand as though sweeping him out +of her path, and passing around him she ran swiftly from the boulevard +and disappeared. + +That gesture of the hand, that insulting laugh, that final exclamation +instantly restored Aratoff to his former frame of mind and stifled in +him the feeling which had risen in his soul when she turned to him with +tears in her eyes. Again he waxed wroth, and came near shouting after +the retreating girl: "You may turn out a good actress, but why have you +taken it into your head to play a comedy on me?" + +With great strides he returned home, and although he continued to be +indignant and to rage all the way thither, still, at the same time, +athwart all these evil, hostile feelings there forced its way the memory +of that wondrous face which he had beheld only for the twinkling of an +eye.... He even put to himself the question: "Why did not I answer her +when she demanded from me at least one word?"--"I did not have time," +... he thought.... "She did not give me a chance to utter that word.... +And what would I have uttered?" + +But he immediately shook his head and said, "An actress!" + +And yet, at the same time, the vanity of the inexperienced, nervous +youth, which had been wounded at first, now felt rather flattered at +the passion which he had inspired.... + +"But on the other hand," he pursued his reflections, "all that is at an +end of course.... I must have appeared ridiculous to her.".... + +This thought was disagreeable to him, and again he grew angry ... both +at her ... and at himself. On reaching home he locked himself in his +study. He did not wish to encounter Platosha. The kind old woman came to +his door a couple of times, applied her ear to the key-hole, and merely +sighed and whispered her prayer.... + +"It has begun!" she thought.... "And he is only five-and-twenty.... Akh, +it is early, early!" + + + + +VIII + + +Akatoff was very much out of sorts all the following day. + +"What is the matter, Yasha?" Platonida Ivanovna said to him. "Thou +seemest to be tousled to-day, somehow."... In the old woman's peculiar +language this quite accurately defined Aratoff's moral condition. He +could not work, but even he himself did not know what he wanted. Now he +was expecting Kupfer again (he suspected that it was precisely from +Kupfer that Clara had obtained his address ... and who else could have +"talked a great deal" about him?); again he wondered whether his +acquaintance with her was to end in that way? ... again he imagined that +she would write him another letter; again he asked himself whether he +ought not to write her a letter, in which he might explain everything to +her,---as he did not wish to leave an unpleasant impression of +himself.... But, in point of fact, _what_ was he to explain?--Now he +aroused in himself something very like disgust for her, for her +persistence, her boldness; again that indescribably touching face +presented itself to him and her irresistible voice made itself heard; +and yet again he recalled her singing, her recitation--and did not know +whether he was right in his wholesale condemnation.--In one word: he was +a tousled man! At last he became bored with all this and decided, as the +saying is, "to take it upon himself" and erase all that affair, as it +undoubtedly was interfering with his avocations and disturbing his peace +of mind.--He did not find it so easy to put his resolution into +effect.... More than a week elapsed before he got back again into his +ordinary rut. Fortunately, Kupfer did not present himself at all, any +more than if he had not been in Moscow. Not long before the "affair" +Aratoff had begun to busy himself with painting for photographic ends; +he devoted himself to this with redoubled zeal. + +Thus, imperceptibly, with a few "relapses" as the doctors express it, +consisting, for example in the fact that he once came very near going to +call on the Princess, two weeks ... three weeks passed ... and Aratoff +became once more the Aratoff of old. Only deep down, under the surface +of his life, something heavy and dark secretly accompanied him in all +his comings and goings. Thus does a large fish which has just been +hooked, but has not yet been drawn out, swim along the bottom of a deep +river under the very boat wherein sits the fisherman with his stout rod +in hand. + +And lo! one day as he was skimming over some not quite fresh numbers of +the _Moscow News,_ Aratoff hit upon the following correspondence: + +"With great sorrow," wrote a certain local literary man from Kazan, "we +insert in our theatrical chronicle the news of the sudden death of our +gifted actress, Clara Militch, who had succeeded in the brief space of +her engagement in becoming the favourite of our discriminating public. +Our sorrow is all the greater because Miss Militch herself put an end to +her young life, which held so much of promise, by means of poison. And +this poisoning is all the more dreadful because the actress took the +poison on the stage itself! They barely got her home, where, to +universal regret, she died. Rumours are current in the town to the +effect that unrequited love led her to that terrible deed." + +Aratoff softly laid the newspaper on the table. To all appearances he +remained perfectly composed ... but something smote him simultaneously +in his breast and in his head, and then slowly diffused itself through +all his members. He rose to his feet, stood for a while on one spot, and +again seated himself, and again perused the letter. Then he rose once +more, lay down on his bed and placing his hands under his head, he +stared for a long time at the wall like one dazed. Little by little that +wall seemed to recede ... to vanish ... and he beheld before him the +boulevard beneath grey skies and _her_ in her black mantilla ... then +her again on the platform ... he even beheld himself by her side.--That +which had smitten him so forcibly in the breast at the first moment, now +began to rise up ... to rise up in his throat.... He tried to cough, to +call some one, but his voice failed him, and to his own amazement, tears +which he could not restrain gushed from his eyes.... What had evoked +those tears? Pity? Regret? Or was it simply that his nerves had been +unable to withstand the sudden shock? Surely, she was nothing to him? +Was not that the fact? + +"But perhaps that is not true," the thought suddenly occurred to him. "I +must find out! But from whom? From the Princess?--No, from Kupfer ... +from Kupfer? But they say he is not in Moscow.--Never mind! I must apply +to him first!" + +With these ideas in his head Aratoff hastily dressed himself, summoned a +cab and dashed off to Kupfer. + + + + +IX + + +He had not hoped to find him ... but he did. Kupfer actually had been +absent from Moscow for a time, but had returned about a week previously +and was even preparing to call on Aratoff again. He welcomed him with +his customary cordiality, and began to explain something to him ... but +Aratoff immediately interrupted him with the impatient question: + +"Hast thou read it?--Is it true?" + +"Is what true?" replied the astounded Kupfer. + +"About Clara Militch?" + +Kupfer's face expressed compassion.--"Yes, yes, brother, it is true; she +has poisoned herself. It is such a misfortune!" + +Aratoff held his peace for a space.--"But hast thou also read it in the +newspaper?" he asked:--"Or perhaps thou hast been to Kazan thyself?" + +"I have been to Kazan, in fact; the Princess and I conducted her +thither. She went on the stage there, and had great success. Only I did +not remain there until the catastrophe.... I was in Yaroslavl." + +"In Yaroslavl?" + +"Yes; I escorted the Princess thither.... She has settled in Yaroslavl +now." + +"But hast thou trustworthy information?" + +"The most trustworthy sort ... at first hand! I made acquaintance in +Kazan with her family.--But stay, my dear fellow ... this news seems to +agitate thee greatly.--But I remember that Clara did not please thee +that time! Thou wert wrong! She was a splendid girl--only her head! She +had an ungovernable head! I was greatly distressed about her!" + +Aratoff did not utter a word, but dropped down on a chair, and after +waiting a while he asked Kupfer to tell him ... he hesitated. + +"What?" asked Kupfer. + +"Why ... everything," replied Aratoff slowly.--"About her family, for +instance ... and so forth. Everything thou knowest!" + +"But does that interest thee?--Certainly!" + +Kupfer, from whose face it was impossible to discern that he had +grieved so greatly over Clara, began his tale. + +From his words Aratoff learned that Clara Militch's real name had been +Katerina Milovidoff; that her father, now dead, had been an official +teacher of drawing in Kazan, had painted bad portraits and official +images, and moreover had borne the reputation of being a drunkard and a +domestic tyrant ... "and a _cultured_ man into the bargain!".... (Here +Kupfer laughed in a self-satisfied manner, by way of hinting at the pun +he had made);[60]--that he had left at his death, in the first place, a +widow of the merchant class, a thoroughly stupid female, straight out of +one of Ostrovsky's comedies;[61] and in the second place, a daughter +much older than Clara and bearing no resemblance to her--a very clever +girl and "greatly developed, my dear fellow!" That the two--widow and +daughter--lived in easy circumstances, in a decent little house which +had been acquired by the sale of those wretched portraits and holy +pictures; that Clara ... or Katya, whichever you choose to call her, had +astonished every one ever since her childhood by her talent, but was of +an insubordinate, capricious disposition, and was constantly quarrelling +with her father; that having an inborn passion for the theatre, she had +run away from the parental house at the age of sixteen with an +actress.... + +"With an actor?" interjected Aratoff. + +"No, not with an actor, but an actress; to whom she had become +attached.... This actress had a protector, it is true, a wealthy +gentleman already elderly, who only refrained from marrying her because +he was already married--while the actress, it appeared, was married +also." + +Further, Kupfer informed Aratoff that, prior to her arrival in Moscow, +Clara had acted and sung in provincial theatres; that on losing her +friend the actress (the gentleman had died also, it seems, or had made +it up with his wife--precisely which Kupfer did not quite remember ...), +she had made the acquaintance of the Princess, "that woman of gold, whom +thou, my friend Yakoff Andreitch," the narrator added with feeling, +"wert not able to appreciate at her true worth"; that finally Clara had +been offered an engagement in Kazan, and had accepted it, although she +had previously declared that she would never leave Moscow!--But how the +people of Kazan had loved her--it was fairly amazing! At every +representation she received bouquets and gifts! bouquets and gifts!--A +flour merchant, the greatest bigwig in the government, had even +presented her with a golden inkstand!--Kupfer narrated all this with +great animation, but without, however, displaying any special +sentimentality, and interrupting his speech with the question:--"Why +dost thou want to know that?" ... or "To what end is that?" when +Aratoff, after listening to him with devouring attention, demanded more +and still more details. Everything was said at last, and Kupfer ceased +speaking, rewarding himself for his toil with a cigar. + +"But why did she poison herself?" asked Aratoff. "The newspaper +stated...." + +Kupfer waved his hands.--"Well.... That I cannot say.... I don't know. +But the newspaper lies, Clara behaved in an exemplary manner ... she had +no love-affairs.... And how could she, with her pride! She was as proud +as Satan himself, and inaccessible! An insubordinate head! Firm as a +rock! If thou wilt believe me,--I knew her pretty intimately, seest +thou,--I never beheld a tear in her eyes!" + +"But I did," thought Aratoff to himself. + +"Only there is this to be said," went on Kupfer:--"I noticed a great +change in her of late: she became so depressed, she would remain silent +for hours at a time; you couldn't get a word out of her. I once asked +her: 'Has any one offended you, Katerina Semyonovna?' Because I knew her +disposition: she could not endure an insult. She held her peace, and +that was the end of it! Even her success on the stage did not cheer her +up; they would shower her with bouquets ... and she would not smile! She +gave one glance at the gold inkstand,--and put it aside!--She complained +that no one would write her a genuine part, as she conceived it. And she +gave up singing entirely. I am to blame, brother!... I repeated to her +that thou didst not think she had any _school_. But nevertheless ... why +she poisoned herself is incomprehensible! And the way she did it +too...." + +"In what part did she have the greatest success?".... Aratoff wanted to +find out what part she had played that last time, but for some reason or +other he asked something else. + +"In Ostrovsky's' Grunya'[62] I believe. But I repeat to thee: she had no +love-affairs! Judge for thyself by one thing: she lived in her mother's +house.... Thou knowest what some of those merchants' houses are like; a +glass case filled with holy images in every corner and a shrine lamp in +front of the case; deadly, stifling heat; a sour odour; in the +drawing-room nothing but chairs ranged along the wall, and geraniums in +the windows;--and when a visitor arrives, the hostess begins to groan as +though an enemy were approaching. What chance is there for love-making, +and amours in such a place? Sometimes it happened that they would not +even admit me. Their maid-servant, a robust peasant-woman, in a Turkey +red cotton sarafan,[63] and pendulous breasts, would place herself +across the path in the anteroom and roar: 'Whither away?' No, I +positively cannot understand what made her poison herself. She must have +grown tired of life," Kupfer philosophically wound up his remarks. + +Aratoff sat with drooping head.--"Canst thou give me the address of +that house in Kazan?" he said at last. + +"I can; but what dost thou want of it?--Dost thou wish to send a letter +thither?" + +"Perhaps so." + +"Well, as thou wilt. Only the old woman will not answer thee. Her sister +might ... the clever sister!--But again, brother, I marvel at thee! Such +indifference formerly ... and now so much attention! All that comes of +living a solitary life, my dear fellow!" + +Aratoff made no reply to this remark and went away, after having +procured the address in Kazan. + +Agitation, surprise, expectation had been depicted on his face when he +went to Kupfer.... Now he advanced with an even gait, downcast eyes, and +hat pulled low down over his brows; almost every one he met followed him +with a searching gaze ... but he paid no heed to the passers-by ... it +was quite different from what it had been on the boulevard!... + +"Unhappy Clara! Foolish Clara!" resounded in his soul. + + + + +X + + +Nevertheless, Aratoff passed the following day in a fairly tranquil +manner. He was even able to devote himself to his customary occupations. +There was only one thing: both during his busy time and in his leisure +moments he thought incessantly of Clara, of what Kupfer had told him the +day before. Truth to tell, his thoughts were also of a decidedly pacific +nature. It seemed to him that that strange young girl interested him +from a psychological point of view, as something in the nature of a +puzzle, over whose solution it was worth while to cudgel one's +brains,--"She ran away from home with a kept actress," he thought, "she +placed herself under the protection of that Princess, in whose house she +lived,--and had no love-affairs? It is improbable!... Kupfer says it was +pride! But, in the first place, we know" (Aratoff should have said: "we +have read in books") ... "that pride is compatible with light-minded +conduct; and in the second place, did not she, such a proud person, +appoint a meeting with a man who might show her scorn ... and appoint it +in a public place, into the bargain ... on the boulevard!"--At this +point there recurred to Aratoff's mind the whole scene on the boulevard, +and he asked himself: "Had he really shown scorn for Clara?"--"No," he +decided.... That was another feeling ... a feeling of perplexity ... of +distrust, in short!--"Unhappy Clara!" again rang through his +brain.--"Yes, she was unhappy," he decided again ... that was the most +fitting word. + +"But if that is so, I was unjust. She spoke truly when she said that I +did not understand her. 'Tis a pity!--It may be that a very remarkable +being has passed so close to me ... and I did not take advantage of the +opportunity, but repulsed her.... Well, never mind! My life is still +before me. I shall probably have other encounters of a different sort! + +"But what prompted her to pick out _me_ in particular?"--He cast a +glance at a mirror which he was passing at the moment. "What is there +peculiar about me? And what sort of a beauty am I?--My face is like +everybody else's face.... However, she was not a beauty either. + +"She was not a beauty ... but what an expressive face she had! Impassive +... but expressive! I have never before seen such a face.--And she has +talent ... that is to say, she had talent, undoubted talent. Wild, +untrained, even coarse ... but undoubted.--And in that case also I was +unjust to her."--Aratoff mentally transported himself to the musical +morning ... and noticed that he remembered with remarkable distinctness +every word she had sung or recited, every intonation.... That would not +have been the case had she been devoid of talent. + +"And now all that is in the grave, where she has thrust herself.... But +I have nothing to do with that.... I am not to blame! It would even be +absurd to think that I am to blame."--Again it flashed into Aratoff's +mind that even had she had "anything of that sort" about her, his +conduct during the interview would indubitably have disenchanted her. +That was why she had broken into such harsh laughter at parting.--And +where was the proof that she had poisoned herself on account of an +unhappy love? It is only newspaper correspondents who attribute every +such death to unhappy love!--But life easily becomes repulsive to people +with character, like Clara ... and tiresome. Yes, tiresome. Kupfer was +right: living simply bored her. + +"In spite of her success, of her ovations?"--Aratoff meditated.--The +psychological analysis to which he surrendered himself was even +agreeable to him. Unaccustomed as he had been, up to this time, to all +contact with women, he did not suspect how significant for him was this +tense examination of a woman's soul. + +"Consequently," he pursued his meditations, "art did not satisfy her, +did not fill the void of her life. Genuine artists exist only for art, +for the theatre.... Everything else pales before that which they regard +as their vocation.... She was a dilettante!" + +Here Aratoff again became thoughtful.--No, the word "dilettante" did not +consort with that face, with the expression of that face, of those +eyes.... + +And again there rose up before him the image of Clara with her +tear-filled eyes riveted upon him, and her clenched hands raised to her +lips.... + +"Akh, I won't think of it, I won't think of it ..." he whispered.... +"What is the use?" + +In this manner the whole day passed. During dinner Aratoff chatted a +great deal with Platosha, questioned her about old times, which, by the +way, she recalled and transmitted badly, as she was not possessed of a +very glib tongue, and had noticed hardly anything in the course of her +life save her Yashka. She merely rejoiced that he was so good-natured +and affectionate that day!--Toward evening Aratoff quieted down to such +a degree that he played several games of trumps with his aunt. + +Thus passed the day ... but the night was quite another matter! + + + + +XI + + +It began well; he promptly fell asleep, and when his aunt entered his +room on tiptoe for the purpose of making the sign of the cross over him +thrice as he slept--she did this every night--he was lying and breathing +as quietly as a child.--But before daybreak he had a vision. + +He dreamed that he was walking over the bare steppes, sown with stones, +beneath a low-hanging sky. Between the stones wound a path; he was +advancing along it. + +Suddenly there rose up in front of him something in the nature of a +delicate cloud. He looked intently at it; the little cloud turned into a +woman in a white gown, with a bright girdle about her waist. She was +hurrying away from him. He did not see either her face or her hair ... a +long piece of tissue concealed them. But he felt bound to overtake her +and look into her eyes. Only, no matter how much haste he made, she +still walked more quickly than he. + +On the path lay a broad, flat stone, resembling a tomb-stone. It barred +her way. The woman came to a halt. Aratoff ran up to her. She turned +toward him--but still he could not see her eyes ... they were closed. +Her face was white,--white as snow; her arms hung motionless. She +resembled a statue. + +Slowly, without bending a single limb, she leaned backward and sank down +on that stone.... And now Aratoff was lying beside her, outstretched +like a mortuary statue,--and his hands were folded like those of a +corpse. + +But at this point the woman suddenly rose to her feet and went away. +Aratoff tried to rise also ... but he could not stir, he could not +unclasp his hands, and could only gaze after her in despair. + +Then the woman suddenly turned round, and he beheld bright, vivacious +eyes in a living face, which was strange to him, however. She was +laughing, beckoning to him with her hand ... and still he was unable to +move. + +She laughed yet once again, and swiftly retreated, merrily nodding her +head, on which a garland of tiny roses gleamed crimson. + +Aratoff strove to shout, strove to break that frightful nightmare.... +Suddenly everything grew dark round about ... and the woman returned to +him. + +But she was no longer a statue whom he knew not ... she was Clara. She +halted in front of him, folded her arms, and gazed sternly and +attentively at him. Her lips were tightly compressed, but it seemed to +Aratoff that he heard the words: + +"If thou wishest to know who I am, go thither!" + +"Whither?" he asked. + +"Thither!"--the moaning answer made itself audible.--"Thither!" + +Aratoff awoke. + +He sat up in bed, lighted a candle which stood on his night-stand, but +did not rise, and sat there for a long time slowly gazing about him. It +seemed to him that something had taken place within him since he went to +bed; that something had taken root within him ... something had taken +possession of him. "But can that be possible?" he whispered +unconsciously. "Can it be that such a power exists?" + +He could not remain in bed. He softly dressed himself and paced his +chamber until daylight. And strange to say! He did not think about Clara +for a single minute,--and he did not think about her because he had made +up his mind to set off for Kazan that very day! + +He thought only of that journey, of how it was to be made, and what he +ought to take with him,--and how he would there ferret out and find out +everything,--and regain his composure. + +"If thou dost not go," he argued with himself, "thou wilt surely lose +thy reason!" He was afraid of that; he was afraid of his nerves. He was +convinced that as soon as he should see all that with his own eyes, all +obsessions would flee like a nocturnal nightmare.--"And the journey will +occupy not more than a week in all," he thought.... "What is a week? And +there is no other way of ridding myself of it." + +The rising sun illuminated his room; but the light of day did not +disperse the shades of night which weighed upon him, did not alter his +decision. + +Platosha came near having an apoplectic stroke when he communicated his +decision to her. She even squatted down on her heels ... her legs gave +way under her. "To Kazan? Why to Kazan?" she whispered, protruding her +eyes which were already blind enough without that. She would not have +been any more astounded had she learned that her Yasha was going to +marry the neighbouring baker's daughter, or depart to America.--"And +shalt thou stay long in Kazan?" + +"I shall return at the end of a week," replied Aratoff, as he stood +half-turned away from his aunt, who was still sitting on the floor. + +Platosha tried to remonstrate again, but Aratoff shouted at her in an +utterly unexpected and unusual manner: + +"I am not a baby," he yelled, turning pale all over, while his lips +quivered and his eyes flashed viciously.--"I am six-and-twenty years of +age. I know what I am about,--I am free to do as I please!--I will not +permit any one.... Give me money for the journey; prepare a trunk with +linen and clothing ... and do not bother me! I shall return at the end +of a week, Platosha," he added, in a softer tone. + +Platosha rose to her feet, grunting, and, making no further opposition, +wended her way to her chamber. Yasha had frightened her.--"I have not a +head on my shoulders," she remarked to the cook, who was helping her to +pack Yasha's things,--"not a head--but a bee-hive ... and what bees are +buzzing there I do not know! He is going away to Kazan, my mother, to +Ka-za-an!" + +The cook, who had noticed their yard-porter talking for a long time to +the policeman about something, wanted to report this circumstance to her +mistress, but she did not dare, and merely thought to herself: "To +Kazan? If only it isn't some place further away!"--And Platonida +Ivanovna was so distracted that she did not even utter her customary +prayer.--In such a catastrophe as this even the Lord God could be of no +assistance! + +That same day Aratoff set off for Kazan. + + + + +XII + + +No sooner had he arrived in that town and engaged a room at the hotel, +than he dashed off in search of the widow Milovidoff's house. During the +whole course of his journey he had been in a sort of stupor, which, +nevertheless, did not in the least prevent his taking all proper +measures,--transferring himself at Nizhni Novgorod from the railway to +the steamer, eating at the stations, and so forth. As before, he was +convinced that everything would be cleared up _there_, and accordingly +he banished from his thoughts all memories and speculations, contenting +himself with one thing,--the mental preparation of the speech in which +he was to set forth to Clara Militch's family the real reason of his +trip.--And now, at last, he had attained to the goal of his yearning, +and ordered the servant to announce him. He was admitted--with surprise +and alarm--but he was admitted. + +The widow Milovidoff's house proved to be in fact just as Kupfer had +described it; and the widow herself really did resemble one of +Ostrovsky's women of the merchant class, although she was of official +rank; her husband had been a Collegiate Assessor.[64] Not without some +difficulty did Aratoff, after having preliminarily excused himself for +his boldness, and the strangeness of his visit, make the speech which he +had prepared, to the effect that he wished to collect all the necessary +information concerning the gifted actress who had perished at such an +early age; that he was actuated not by idle curiosity, but by a profound +sympathy for her talent, of which he was a worshipper (he said exactly +that--"a worshipper"); that, in conclusion, it would be a sin to leave +the public in ignorance of the loss it had sustained,--and why its hopes +had not been realized! + +Madame Milovidoff did not interrupt Aratoff; it is hardly probable that +she understood very clearly what this strange visitor was saying to her, +and she merely swelled a little with pride, and opened her eyes widely +at him on perceiving that he had a peaceable aspect, and was decently +clad, and was not some sort of swindler ... and was not asking for any +money. + +"Are you saying that about Katya?" she asked, as soon as Aratoff ceased +speaking. + +"Exactly so ... about your daughter." + +"And you have come from Moscow for that purpose?" + +"Yes, from Moscow." + +"Merely for that?" + +"Merely for that." + +Madame Milovidoff suddenly took fright.--"Why, you--are an author? Do +you write in the newspapers?" + +"No, I am not an author,--and up to the present time, I have never +written for the newspapers." + +The widow bent her head. She was perplexed. + +"Consequently ... it is for your own pleasure?" she suddenly inquired. +Aratoff did not immediately hit upon the proper answer. + +"Out of sympathy, out of reverence for talent," he said at last. + +The word "reverence" pleased Madame Milovidoff. "Very well!" she +ejaculated with a sigh.... "Although I am her mother, and grieved very +greatly over her.... It was such a catastrophe, you know!... Still, I +must say, that she was always a crazy sort of girl, and ended up in the +same way! Such a disgrace.... Judge for yourself: what sort of a thing +is that for a mother? We may be thankful that they even buried her in +Christian fashion...." Madame Milovidoff crossed herself.--"From the +time she was a small child she submitted to no one,--she abandoned the +paternal roof ... and finally, it is enough to say that she became an +actress! Every one knows that I did not turn her out of the house; for I +loved her! For I am her mother, all the same! She did not have to live +with strangers,--and beg alms!..." Here the widow melted into +tears.--"But if you, sir," she began afresh, wiping her eyes with the +ends of her kerchief, "really have that intention, and if you will not +concoct anything dishonourable about us,--but if, on the contrary, you +wish to show us a favour,--then you had better talk with my other +daughter. She will tell you everything better than I can...." +"Annotchka!" called Madame Milovidoff:--"Annotchka, come hither! There's +some gentleman or other from Moscow who wants to talk about Katya!" + +There was a crash in the adjoining room, but no one +appeared.--"Annotchka!" cried the widow again--"Anna Semyonovna! come +hither, I tell thee!" + +The door opened softly and on the threshold appeared a girl no longer +young, of sickly aspect, and homely, but with very gentle and sorrowful +eyes. Aratoff rose from his seat to greet her, and introduced himself, +at the same time mentioning his friend Kupfer.--"Ah! Feodor +Feodoritch!" ejaculated the girl softly, as she softly sank down on a +chair. + +"Come, now, talk with the gentleman," said Madame Milovidoff, rising +ponderously from her seat: "He has taken the trouble to come expressly +from Moscow,--he wishes to collect information about Katya. But you must +excuse me, sir," she added, turning to Aratoff.... "I shall go away, to +attend to domestic affairs. You can have a good explanation with +Annotchka--she will tell you about the theatre ... and all that sort of +thing. She's my clever, well-educated girl: she speaks French and reads +books quite equal to her dead sister. And she educated her sister, I may +say.... She was the elder--well, and so she taught her." + +Madame Milovidoff withdrew. When Aratoff was left alone with Anna +Semyonovna he repeated his speech; but from the first glance he +understood that he had to deal with a girl who really was cultured, not +with a merchant's daughter,--and so he enlarged somewhat, and employed +different expressions;--and toward the end he became agitated, flushed, +and felt conscious that his heart was beating hard. Anna Semyonovna +listened to him in silence, with her hands folded; the sad smile did not +leave her face ... bitter woe which had not ceased to cause pain, was +expressed in that smile. + +"Did you know my sister?" she asked Aratoff. + +"No; properly speaking, I did not know her," he replied. "I saw and +heard your sister once ... but all that was needed was to hear and see +your sister once, in order to...." + +"Do you mean to write her biography?" Anna put another question. + +Aratoff had not expected that word; nevertheless, he immediately +answered "Why not?" But the chief point was that he wished to acquaint +the public.... + +Anna stopped him with a gesture of her hand. + +"To what end? The public caused her much grief without that; and Katya +had only just begun to live. But if you yourself" (Anna looked at him +and again smiled that same sad smile, only now it was more cordial ... +apparently she was thinking: "Yes, thou dost inspire me with +confidence") ... "if you yourself cherish such sympathy for her, then +permit me to request that you come to us this evening ... after dinner. +I cannot now ... so suddenly.... I will collect my forces.... I will +make an effort.... Akh, I loved her too greatly!" + +Anna turned away; she was on the point of bursting into sobs. + +Aratoff rose alertly from his chair, thanked her for her proposal, said +that he would come without fail ... without fail! and went away, bearing +in his soul an impression of a quiet voice, of gentle and sorrowful +eyes--and burning with the languor of anticipation. + + + + +XIII + + +Aratoff returned to the Milovidoffs' house that same day, and conversed +for three whole hours with Anna Semyonovna. Madame Milovidoff went to +bed immediately after dinner--at two o'clock--and "rested" until evening +tea, at seven o'clock. Aratoff's conversation with Clara's sister was +not, properly speaking, a conversation: she did almost the whole of the +talking, at first with hesitation, with confusion, but afterward with +uncontrollable fervour. She had, evidently, idolised her sister. The +confidence wherewith Aratoff had inspired her waxed and strengthened; +she was no longer embarrassed; she even fell to weeping softly, twice, +in his presence. He seemed to her worthy of her frank revelations and +effusions. Nothing of that sort had ever before come into her own dull +life!... And he ... he drank in her every word. + +This, then, is what he learned ... much of it, as a matter of course, +from what she refrained from saying ... and much he filled out for +himself. + +In her youth Clara had been, without doubt, a disagreeable child; and as +a young girl she had been only a little softer: self-willed, +hot-tempered, vain, she had not got on particularly well with her +father, whom she despised for his drunkenness and incapacity. He was +conscious of this and did not pardon it in her. Her musical faculties +showed themselves at an early age; her father repressed them, +recognising painting as the sole art,--wherein he himself had had so +little success, but which had nourished him and his family. Clara had +loved her mother ... in a careless way, as she would have loved a nurse; +she worshipped her sister, although she squabbled with her, and bit +her.... It is true that afterward she had been wont to go down on her +knees before her and kiss the bitten places. She was all fire, all +passion, and all contradiction: vengeful and kind-hearted, magnanimous +and rancorous; "she believed in Fate, and did not believe in God" (these +words Anna whispered with terror); she loved everything that was +beautiful, and dressed herself at haphazard; she could not endure to +have young men pay court to her, but in books she read only those pages +where love was the theme; she did not care to please, she did not like +petting and never forgot caresses as she never forgot offences; she was +afraid of death, and she had killed herself! She had been wont to say +sometimes, "I do not meet the sort of man I want--and the others I will +not have!"--"Well, and what if you should meet the right sort?" Anna had +asked her.--"If I do ... I shall take him."--"But what if he will not +give himself?"--"Well, then ... I will make an end of myself. It will +mean that I am good for nothing." + +Clara's father ... (he sometimes asked his wife when he was drunk: "Who +was the father of that black-visaged little devil of thine?--I was +not!")--Clara's father, in the endeavour to get her off his hands as +promptly as possible, undertook to betroth her to a wealthy young +merchant, a very stupid fellow,--one of the "cultured" sort. Two weeks +before the wedding (she was only sixteen years of age), she walked up to +her betrothed, folded her arms, and drumming with her fingers on her +elbows (her favourite pose), she suddenly dealt him a blow, bang! on his +rosy cheek with her big, strong hand! He sprang to his feet, and merely +gasped,--it must be stated that he was dead in love with her.... He +asked: "What is that for?" She laughed and left the room.--"I was +present in the room," narrated Anna, "and was a witness. I ran after her +and said to her: 'Good gracious, Katya, why didst thou do that?'--But +she answered me: 'If he were a real man he would have thrashed me, but +as it is, he is a wet hen!' And he asks what it is for, to boot. If he +loved me and did not avenge himself, then let him bear it and not ask: +'what is that for?' He'll never get anything of me, unto ages of ages!' +And so she did not marry him. Soon afterward she made the acquaintance +of that actress, and left our house. My mother wept, but my father only +said: 'Away with the refractory goat from the flock!' and would take no +trouble, or try to hunt her up. Father did not understand Clara. On the +eve of her flight," added Anna, "she almost strangled me in her embrace, +and kept repeating: 'I cannot! I cannot do otherwise!... My heart may +break in two, but I cannot! our cage is too small ... it is not large +enough for my wings! And one cannot escape his fate'".... + +"After that," remarked Anna, "we rarely saw each other.... When father +died she came to us for a couple of days, took nothing from the +inheritance, and again disappeared. She found it oppressive with us.... +I saw that. Then she returned to Kazan as an actress." + +Aratoff began to interrogate Anna concerning the theatre, the parts in +which Clara had appeared, her success.... Anna answered in detail, but +with the same sad, although animated enthusiasm. She even showed Aratoff +a photographic portrait, which represented Clara in the costume of one +of her parts. In the portrait she was looking to one side, as though +turning away from the spectators; the ribbon intertwined with her thick +hair fell like a serpent on her bare arm. Aratoff gazed long at that +portrait, thought it a good likeness, inquired whether Clara had not +taken part in public readings, and learned that she had not; that she +required the excitement of the theatre, of the stage ... but another +question was burning on his lips. + +"Anna Semyonovna!" he exclaimed at last, not loudly, but with peculiar +force, "tell me, I entreat you, why she ... why she made up her mind to +that frightful step?" + +Anna dropped her eyes.--"I do not know!" she said, after the lapse of +several minutes.--"God is my witness, I do not know!" she continued +impetuously, perceiving that Aratoff had flung his hands apart as though +he did not believe her.... "From the very time she arrived here she +seemed to be thoughtful, gloomy. Something must infallibly have happened +to her in Moscow, which I was not able to divine! But, on the contrary, +on that fatal day, she seemed ... if not more cheerful, at any rate more +tranquil than usual. I did not even have any forebodings," added Anna +with a bitter smile, as though reproaching herself for that. + +"You see," she began again, "it seemed to have been written in Katya's +fate, that she should be unhappy. She was convinced of it herself from +her early youth. She would prop her head on her hand, meditate, and say: +'I shall not live long!' She had forebodings. Just imagine, she even saw +beforehand,--sometimes in a dream, sometimes in ordinary wise,--what was +going to happen to her! 'I cannot live as I wish, so I will not live at +all,' ... was her adage.--'Our life is in our own hands, you know!' And +she proved it." + +Anna covered her face with her hands and ceased speaking. + +"Anna Semyonovna," began Aratoff, after waiting a little: "perhaps you +have heard to what the newspapers attributed...." + +"To unhappy love?" interrupted Anna, removing her hands from her face +with a jerk. "That is a calumny, a calumny, a lie!... My unsullied, +unapproachable Katya ... Katya! ... and an unhappy, rejected love? And +would not I have known about that?... Everybody, everybody fell in love +with her ... but she.... And whom could she have fallen in love with +here? Who, out of all these men, was worthy of her? Who had attained to +that ideal of honour, uprightness, purity,--most of all, purity,--which +she constantly held before her, in spite of all her defects?... Reject +her ... her...." + +Anna's voice broke.... Her fingers trembled slightly. Suddenly she +flushed scarlet all over ... flushed with indignation, and at that +moment--and only at that moment--did she resemble her sister. + +Aratoff attempted to apologise. + +"Listen," broke in Anna once more:--"I insist upon it that you shall not +believe that calumny yourself, and that you shall dissipate it, if +possible! Here, you wish to write an article about her, or something of +that sort:--here is an opportunity for you to defend her memory! That is +why I am talking so frankly with you. Listen: Katya left a diary...." + +Aratoff started.--"A diary," he whispered. + +"Yes, a diary ... that is to say, a few pages only.--Katya was not fond +of writing ... for whole months together she did not write at all ... +and her letters were so short! But she was always, always truthful, she +never lied.... Lie, forsooth, with her vanity! I ... I will show you +that diary! You shall see for yourself whether it contains a single hint +of any such unhappy love!" + +Anna hastily drew from the table-drawer a thin copy-book, about ten +pages in length, no more, and offered it to Aratoff. The latter grasped +it eagerly, recognised the irregular, bold handwriting,--the handwriting +of that anonymous letter,--opened it at random, and began at the +following lines: + + "Moscow--Tuesday ... June. I sang and recited at a literary + morning. To-day is a significant day for me. _It must decide my + fate_." (These words were doubly underlined.) "Once more I have + seen...." Here followed several lines which had been carefully + blotted out.--And then: "No! no! no!... I must return to my former + idea, if only...." + +Aratoff dropped the hand in which he held the book, and his head sank +quietly on his breast. + +"Read!" cried Anna.--"Why don't you read? Read from the beginning.... +You can read the whole of it in five minutes, though this diary extends +over two whole years. In Kazan she wrote nothing...." + +Aratoff slowly rose from his chair, and fairly crashed down on his knees +before Anna! + +She was simply petrified with amazement and terror. + +"Give ... give me this diary," said Aratoff in a fainting voice.--"Give +it to me ... and the photograph ... you must certainly have another--but +I will return the diary to you.... But I must, I must...." + +In his entreaty, in the distorted features of his face there was +something so despairing that it even resembled wrath, suffering.... And +in reality he was suffering. It seemed as though he had not been able to +foresee that such a calamity would descend upon him, and was excitedly +begging to be spared, to be saved.... + +"Give it to me," he repeated. + +"But ... you ... you were not in love with my sister?" said Anna at +last. + +Aratoff continued to kneel. + +"I saw her twice in all ... believe me!... and if I had not been +impelled by causes which I myself cannot clearly either understand or +explain ... if some power that is stronger than I were not upon me.... I +would not have asked you.... I would not have come hither.... I must ... +I ought ... why, you said yourself that I was bound to restore her +image!" + +"And you were not in love with my sister?" asked Anna for the second +time. + +Aratoff did not reply at once, and turned away slightly, as though with +pain. + +"Well, yes! I was! I was!--And I am in love with her now...." he +exclaimed with the same desperation as before. + +Footsteps became audible in the adjoining room. + +"Rise ... rise ..." said Anna hastily. "My mother is coming." + +Aratoff rose. + +"And take the diary and the picture. God be with you!--Poor, poor +Katya!... But you must return the diary to me," she added with +animation.--"And if you write anything, you must be sure to send it to +me.... Do you hear?" + +The appearance of Madame Milovidoff released Aratoff from the necessity +of replying.--He succeeded, nevertheless, in whispering:--"You are an +angel! Thanks! I will send all that I write...." + +Madame Milovidoff was too drowsy to divine anything. And so Aratoff left +Kazan with the photographic portrait in the side-pocket of his coat. He +had returned the copy-book to Anna, but without her having detected it, +he had cut out the page on which stood the underlined words. + +On his way back to Moscow he was again seized with a sort of stupor. +Although he secretly rejoiced that he had got what he went for, yet he +repelled all thoughts of Clara until he should reach home again. He +meditated a great deal more about her sister Anna.--"Here now," he said +to himself, "is a wonderful, sympathetic being! What a delicate +comprehension of everything, what a loving heart, what absence of +egoism! And how comes it that such girls bloom with us, and in the +provinces,--and in such surroundings into the bargain! She is both +sickly, and ill-favoured, and not young,--but what a capital wife she +would make for an honest, well-educated man! That is the person with +whom one ought to fall in love!..." Aratoff meditated thus ... but on +his arrival in Moscow the matter took quite another turn. + + + + +XIV + + +Platonida Ivanova was unspeakably delighted at the return of her nephew. +She had thought all sorts of things during his absence!--"At the very +least he has gone to Siberia!" she whispered, as she sat motionless in +her little chamber: "for a year at the very least!"--Moreover the cook +had frightened her by imparting the most authentic news concerning the +disappearance of first one, then another young man from the +neighbourhood. Yasha's complete innocence and trustworthiness did not in +the least serve to calm the old woman.--"Because ... much that +signifies!--he busies himself with photography ... well, and that is +enough! Seize him!" And now here was her Yashenka come back to her safe +and sound! She did notice, it is true, that he appeared to have grown +thin, and his face seemed to be sunken--that was comprehensible ... he +had had no one to look after him. But she did not dare to question him +concerning his trip. At dinner she inquired: + +"And is Kazan a nice town?" + +"Yes," replied Aratoff. + +"Tatars live there, I believe?" + +"Not Tatars only." + +"And hast not thou brought a khalat[65] thence?" + +"No, I have not." + +And there the conversation ended. + +But as soon as Aratoff found himself alone in his study he immediately +felt as though something were embracing him round about, as though he +were again in _the power_,--precisely that, in the power of another +life, of another being. Although he had told Anna--in that outburst of +sudden frenzy--that he was in love with Clara, that word now seemed to +him devoid of sense and whimsical.--No, he was not in love; and how +could he fall in love with a dead woman, whom, even during her lifetime +he had not liked, whom he had almost forgotten?--No! But he was in the +power of ... in _her_ power ... he no longer belonged to himself. He had +been _taken possession of_. Taken possession of to such a point that he +was no longer trying to free himself either by ridiculing his own +stupidity, or by arousing in himself if not confidence, at least hope +that all this would pass over, that it was nothing but nerves,--or by +seeking proofs of it,--or in any other way!--"If I meet him I shall take +him" he recalled Clara's words reported by Anna ... and so now he had +been taken. + +But was not she dead? Yes; her body was dead ... but how about her +soul?--Was not that immortal ... did it require bodily organs to +manifest its power? Magnetism has demonstrated to us the influence of +the living human soul upon another living human soul.... Why should not +that influence be continued after death, if the soul remains alive?--But +with what object? What might be the result of this?--But do we, in +general, realise the object of everything which goes on around us? + +These reflections occupied Aratoff to such a degree that at tea he +suddenly asked Platosha whether she believed in the immortality of the +soul. She did not understand at first what it was he had asked; but +afterward she crossed herself and replied, "of course. How could the +soul be otherwise than immortal?" + +"But if that is so, can it act after death?" Aratoff put a second +question. + +The old woman replied that it could ... that is to say, it can pray for +us; when it shall have passed through all sorts of tribulations, and is +awaiting the Last Judgment. But during the first forty days it only +hovers around the spot where its death occurred. + +"During the first forty days?" + +"Yes; and after that come its tribulations."[66] + +Aratoff was surprised at his aunt's erudition, and went off to his own +room.--And again he felt the same thing, that same power upon him. The +power was manifested thus--that the image of Clara incessantly presented +itself to him, in its most minute details,--details which he did not +seem to have observed during her lifetime; he saw ... he saw her +fingers, her nails, the bands of hair on her cheeks below her temples, a +small mole under the left eye; he saw the movement of her lips, her +nostrils, her eyebrows ... and what sort of a gait she had, and how she +held her head a little on the right side ... he saw everything!--He did +not admire all this at all; he simply could not help thinking about it +and seeing it.--Yet he did not dream about her during the first night +after his return ... he was very weary and slept like one slain. On the +other hand, no sooner did he awake than she again entered his room, and +there she remained, as though she had been its owner; just as though she +had purchased for herself that right by her voluntary death, without +asking him or requiring his permission. + +He took her photograph; he began to reproduce it, to enlarge it. Then it +occurred to him to arrange it for the stereoscope. It cost him a great +deal of trouble, but at last he succeeded. He fairly started when he +beheld through the glass her figure which had acquired the semblance of +bodily substance. But that figure was grey, as though covered with +dust ... and moreover, the eyes ... the eyes still gazed aside, as +though they were averting themselves. He began to gaze at them for a +long, long time, as though expecting that they might, at any moment, +turn themselves in his direction ... he even puckered up his eyes +deliberately ... but the eyes remained motionless, and the whole figure +assumed the aspect of a doll. He went away, threw himself into an +arm-chair, got out the leaf which he had torn from her diary, with the +underlined words, and thought: "They say that people in love kiss the +lines which have been written by a beloved hand; but I have no desire to +do that--and the chirography appears to me ugly into the bargain. But in +that line lies my condemnation."--At this point there flashed into his +mind the promise he had made to Anna about the article. He seated +himself at his table, and set about writing it; but everything he wrote +turned out so rhetorical ... worst of all, so artificial ... just as +though he did not believe in what he was writing, or in his own feelings +... and Clara herself seemed to him unrecognisable, incomprehensible! +She would not yield herself to him. + +"No," he thought, throwing aside his pen, "either I have no talent for +writing in general, or I must wait a while yet!" + +He began to call to mind his visit to the Milovidoffs, and all the +narration of Anna, of that kind, splendid Anna.... The word she had +uttered: "unsullied!" suddenly struck him. It was exactly as though +something had scorched and illuminated him. + +"Yes," he said aloud, "she was unsullied and I am unsullied.... That is +what has given her this power!" + +Thoughts concerning the immortality of the soul, the life beyond the +grave, again visited him. "Is it not said in the Bible: 'O death, where +is thy sting?' And in Schiller: 'And the dead also shall live!' (_Auch +die Todten sollen leben!_)--Or here again, in Mickiewicz, 'I shall love +until life ends ... and after life ends!'--While one English writer has +said: 'Love is stronger than death!'"--The biblical sentence acted with +peculiar force on Aratoff. He wanted to look up the place where those +words were to be found.... He had no Bible; he went to borrow one from +Platosha. She was astonished; but she got out an old, old book in a +warped leather binding with brass clasps, all spotted with wax, and +handed it to Aratoff. He carried it off to his own room, but for a long +time could not find that verse ... but on the other hand, he hit upon +another: + + "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life + for his friends".... (the Gospel of John, Chap. XV, verse 13). + +He thought: "That is not properly expressed.--It should read: 'Greater +_power_ hath no man!'".... + +"But what if she did not set her soul on me at all? What if she killed +herself merely because life had become a burden to her?--What if she, in +conclusion, did not come to that tryst with the object of obtaining +declarations of love at all?" + +But at that moment Clara before her parting on the boulevard rose up +before him.... He recalled that sorrowful expression on her face, and +those tears, and those words:--"Akh, you have understood nothing!" + +No! He could not doubt for what object and for what person she had laid +down her life.... + +Thus passed that day until nightfall. + + + + +XV + + +Aratoff went early to bed, without feeling particularly sleepy; but he +hoped to find rest in bed. The strained condition of his nerves caused +him a fatigue which was far more intolerable than the physical weariness +of the journey and the road. But great as was his fatigue, he could not +get to sleep. He tried to read ... but the lines got entangled before +his eyes. He extinguished his candle, and darkness took possession of +his chamber.--But he continued to lie there sleepless, with closed +eyes.... And now it seemed to him that some one was whispering in his +ear.... "It is the beating of my heart, the rippling of the blood," he +thought.... But the whisper passed into coherent speech. Some one was +talking Russian hurriedly, plaintively, and incomprehensibly. It was +impossible to distinguish a single separate word.... But it was Clara's +voice! + +Aratoff opened his eyes, rose up in bed, propped himself on his +elbows.... The voice grew fainter, but continued its plaintive, hurried, +unintelligible speech as before.... + +It was indubitably Clara's voice! + +Some one's fingers ran over the keys of the piano in light arpeggios.... +Then the voice began to speak again. More prolonged sounds made +themselves audible ... like moans ... always the same. And then words +began to detach themselves.... + +"Roses ... roses ... roses.".... + +"Roses," repeated Aratoff in a whisper.-- + +"Akh, yes! The roses which I saw on the head of that woman in my +dream...." + +"Roses," was audible again. + +"Is it thou?" asked Aratoff, whispering as before. + +The voice suddenly ceased. + +Aratoff waited ... waited--and dropped his head on his pillow. "A +hallucination of hearing," he thought. "Well, and what if ... what if +she really is here, close to me?... What if I were to see her, would I +be frightened? But why should I be frightened? Why should I rejoice? +Possibly because it would be a proof that there is another world, that +the soul is immortal.--But, however, even if I were to see anything, +that also might be a hallucination of the sight".... + +Nevertheless he lighted his candle, and shot a glance over the whole +room not without some trepidation ... and descried nothing unusual in +it. He rose, approached the stereoscope ... and there again was the same +grey doll, with eyes which gazed to one side. The feeling of alarm in +Aratoff was replaced by one of vexation. He had been, as it were, +deceived in his expectations ... and those same expectations appeared to +him absurd.--"Well, this is downright stupid!" he muttered as he got +back into bed, and blew out his light. Again profound darkness reigned +in the room. + +Aratoff made up his mind to go to sleep this time.... But a new +sensation had cropped up within him. It seemed to him as though some one +were standing in the middle of the room, not far from him, and breathing +in a barely perceptible manner. He hastily turned round, opened his +eyes.... But what could be seen in that impenetrable darkness?--He began +to fumble for a match on his night-stand ... and suddenly it seemed to +him as though some soft, noiseless whirlwind dashed across the whole +room, above him, through him--and the words: "'Tis I!" rang plainly in +his ears. "'Tis I! 'Tis I!..." + +Several moments passed before he succeeded in lighting a match. + +Again there was no one in the room, and he no longer heard anything +except the violent beating of his own heart. He drank a glass of water, +and remained motionless, with his head resting on his hand. + +He said to himself: "I will wait. Either this is all nonsense ... or she +is here. She will not play with me like a cat with a mouse!" He waited, +waited a long time ... so long that the hand on which he was propping +his head became numb ... but not a single one of his previous sensations +was repeated. A couple of times his eyes closed.... He immediately +opened them ... at least, it seemed to him that he opened them. +Gradually they became riveted on the door and so remained. The candle +burned out and the room became dark once more ... but the door gleamed +like a long, white spot in the midst of the gloom. And lo! that spot +began to move, it contracted, vanished ... and in its place, on the +threshold, a female form made its appearance. Aratoff looked at it +intently ... it was Clara! And this time she was gazing straight at him, +she moved toward him.... On her head was a wreath of red roses.... It +kept undulating, rising.... + +Before him stood his aunt in her nightcap, with a broad red ribbon, and +in a white wrapper. + +"Platosha!" he enunciated with difficulty.--"Is it you?" + +"It is I," replied Platonida Ivanovna.... "It is I, Yashyonotchek, it is +I." + +"Why have you come?" + +"Why, thou didst wake me. At first thou seemedst to be moaning all the +while ... and then suddenly thou didst begin to shout: 'Save me! Help +me!'" + +"I shouted?" + +"Yes, thou didst shout, and so hoarsely: 'Save me!'--I thought: 'O Lord! +Can he be ill?' So I entered. Art thou well?" + +"Perfectly well." + +"Come, that means that thou hast had a bad dream. I will fumigate with +incense if thou wishest--shall I?" + +Again Aratoff gazed intently at his aunt, and burst into a loud +laugh.... The figure of the kind old woman in nightcap and wrapper, with +her frightened, long-drawn face, really was extremely comical. All that +mysterious something which had surrounded him, had stifled him, all +those delusions dispersed on the instant. + +"No, Platosha, my dear, it is not necessary," he said.--"Forgive me for +having involuntarily alarmed you. May your rest be tranquil--and I will +go to sleep also." + +Platonida Ivanovna stood a little while longer on the spot where she +was, pointed at the candle, grumbled: "Why dost thou not extinguish +it? ... there will be a catastrophe before long!"--and as she retired, +could not refrain from making the sign of the cross over him from afar. + +Aratoff fell asleep immediately, and slept until morning. He rose in a +fine frame of mind ... although he regretted something.... He felt +light and free. "What romantic fancies one does devise," he said to +himself with a smile. He did not once glance either at the stereoscope +or the leaf which he had torn out. But immediately after breakfast he +set off to see Kupfer. + +What drew him thither ... he dimly recognised. + + + + +XVI + + +Aratoff found his sanguine friend at home. He chatted a little with him, +reproached him for having quite forgotten him and his aunt, listened to +fresh laudations of the golden woman, the Princess, from whom Kupfer had +just received,--from Yaroslavl,--a skull-cap embroidered with +fish-scales ... and then suddenly sitting down in front of Kupfer, and +looking him straight in the eye, he announced that he had been to Kazan. + +"Thou hast been to Kazan? Why so?" + +"Why, because I wished to collect information about that ... Clara +Militch." + +"The girl who poisoned herself?" + +"Yes." + +Kupfer shook his head.--"What a fellow thou art! And such a sly one! +Thou hast travelled a thousand versts there and back ... and all for +what? Hey? If there had only been some feminine interest there! Then I +could understand everything! every sort of folly!"--Kupfer ruffled up +his hair.--"But for the sake of collecting materials, as you learned men +put it.... No, I thank you! That's what the committee of statistics +exists for!--Well, and what about it--didst thou make acquaintance with +the old woman and with her sister? She's a splendid girl, isn't she?" + +"Splendid," assented Aratoff.--"She communicated to me many curious +things." + +"Did she tell thee precisely how Clara poisoned herself?" + +"Thou meanest ... what dost thou mean?" + +"Why, in what manner?" + +"No.... She was still in such affliction.... I did not dare to question +her too much. But was there anything peculiar about it?" + +"Of course there was. Just imagine: she was to have acted that very +day--and she did act. She took a phial of poison with her to the +theatre, drank it before the first act, and in that condition played +through the whole of that act. With the poison inside her! What dost +thou think of that strength of will? What character, wasn't it? And they +say that she never sustained her role with so much feeling, with so much +warmth! The audience suspected nothing, applauded, recalled her.... But +as soon as the curtain fell she dropped down where she stood on the +stage. She began to writhe ... and writhe ... and at the end of an hour +her spirit fled! But is it possible I did not tell thee that? It was +mentioned in the newspapers also." + +Aratoff's hands suddenly turned cold and his chest began to heave. "No, +thou didst not tell me that," he said at last.--"And dost thou not know +what the piece was?" + +Kupfer meditated.--"I was told the name of the piece ... a young girl +who has been betrayed appears in it.... It must be some drama or other. +Clara was born for dramatic parts. Her very appearance.... But where art +thou going?" Kupfer interrupted himself, perceiving that Aratoff was +picking up his cap. + +"I do not feel quite well," replied Aratoff. "Good-bye.... I will drop +in some other time." + +Kupfer held him back and looked him in the face.--"What a nervous fellow +thou art, brother! Just look at thyself.... Thou hast turned as white as +clay." + +"I do not feel well," repeated Aratoff, freeing himself from Kupfer's +hands and going his way. Only at that moment did it become clear to him +that he had gone to Kupfer with the sole object of talking about +Clara.... + +"About foolish, about unhappy Clara".... + +But on reaching home he speedily recovered his composure to a certain +extent. + +The circumstances which had attended Clara's death at first exerted a +shattering impression upon him ... but later on that acting "with the +poison inside her," as Kupfer had expressed it, seemed to him a +monstrous phrase, a piece of bravado, and he tried not to think of it, +fearing to arouse within himself a feeling akin to aversion. But at +dinner, as he sat opposite Platosha, he suddenly remembered her +nocturnal apparition, recalled that bob-tailed wrapper, that cap with +the tall ribbon (and why should there be a ribbon on a night-cap?), the +whole of that ridiculous figure, at which all his visions had dispersed +into dust, as though at the whistle of the machinist in a fantastic +ballet! He even made Platosha repeat the tale of how she had heard him +shout, had taken fright, had leaped out of bed, had not been able at +once to find either her own door or his, and so forth. In the evening he +played cards with her and went off to his own room in a somewhat sad but +fairly tranquil state of mind. + +Aratoff did not think about the coming night, and did not fear it; he +was convinced that he should pass it in the best possible manner. The +thought of Clara awoke in him from time to time; but he immediately +remembered that she had killed herself in a "spectacular" manner, and +turned away. That "outrageous" act prevented other memories from rising +in him. Giving a cursory glance at the stereoscope it seemed to him that +she was looking to one side because she felt ashamed. Directly over the +stereoscope on the wall, hung the portrait of his mother. Aratoff +removed it from its nail, kissed it, and carefully put it away in a +drawer. Why did he do this? Because that portrait must not remain in the +vicinity of that woman ... or for some other reason--Aratoff did not +quite know. But his mother's portrait evoked in him memories of his +father ... of that father whom he had seen dying in that same room, on +that very bed. "What dost thou think about all this, father?" he +mentally addressed him. "Thou didst understand all this; thou didst also +believe in Schiller's world of spirits.--Give me counsel!" + +"My father has given me counsel to drop all these follies," said Aratoff +aloud, and took up a book. But he was not able to read long, and feeling +a certain heaviness all through his body, he went to bed earlier than +usual, in the firm conviction that he should fall asleep immediately. + +And so it came about ... but his hopes for a peaceful night were not +realised. + + + + +XVII + + +Before the clock struck midnight he had a remarkable, a menacing dream. + +It seemed to him that he was in a sumptuous country-house of which he +was the owner. He had recently purchased the house, and all the estates +attached to it. And he kept thinking: "It is well, now it is well, but +disaster is coming!" Beside him was hovering a tiny little man, his +manager; this man kept making obeisances, and trying to demonstrate to +Aratoff how admirably everything about his house and estate was +arranged.--"Please, please look," he kept reiterating, grinning at every +word, "how everything is flourishing about you! Here are horses ... what +magnificent horses!" And Aratoff saw a row of huge horses. They were +standing with their backs to him, in stalls; they had wonderful manes +and tails ... but as soon as Aratoff walked past them the horses turned +their heads toward him and viciously displayed their teeth. + +"It is well," thought Aratoff, "but disaster is coming!" + +"Please, please," repeated his manager again; "please come into the +garden; see what splendid apples we have!" + +The apples really were splendid, red, and round; but as soon as Aratoff +looked at them, they began to shrivel and fall.... "Disaster is coming!" +he thought. + +"And here is the lake," murmurs the manager: "how blue and smooth it is! +And here is a little golden boat!... Would you like to have a sail in +it?... It moves of itself." + +"I will not get into it!" thought Aratoff; "a disaster is coming!" and +nevertheless he did seat himself in the boat. On the bottom, writhing, +lay a little creature resembling an ape; in its paws it was holding a +phial filled with a dark liquid. + +"Pray do not feel alarmed," shouted the manager from the shore.... "That +is nothing! That is death! A prosperous journey!" + +The boat darted swiftly onward ... but suddenly a hurricane arose, not +like the one of the day before, soft and noiseless--no; it is a black, +terrible, howling hurricane!--Everything is in confusion round +about;--and amid the swirling gloom Aratoff beholds Clara in theatrical +costume: she is raising the phial to her lips, a distant "Bravo! bravo!" +is audible, and a coarse voice shouts in Aratoff's ear: + +"Ah! And didst thou think that all this would end in a comedy?--No! it +is a tragedy! a tragedy!" + +Aratoff awoke all in a tremble. It was not dark in the room.... A faint +and melancholy light streamed from somewhere or other, impassively +illuminating all objects. Aratoff did not try to account to himself for +the light.... He felt but one thing: Clara was there in that room ... he +felt her presence ... he was again and forever in her power! + +A shriek burst from his lips: "Clara, art thou here?" + +"Yes!" rang out clearly in the middle of the room illuminated with the +motionless light. + +Aratoff doubly repeated his question.... + +"Yes!" was audible once more. + +"Then I want to see thee!" he cried, springing out of bed. + +For several moments he stood in one spot, treading the cold floor with +his bare feet. His eyes roved: "But where? Where?" whispered his +lips.... + +Nothing was to be seen or heard. + +He looked about him, and noticed that the faint light which filled the +room proceeded from a night-light, screened by a sheet of paper, and +placed in one corner, probably by Platosha while he was asleep. He even +detected the odour of incense also, in all probability, the work of her +hands. + +He hastily dressed himself. Remaining in bed, sleeping, was not to be +thought of.--Then he took up his stand in the centre of the room and +folded his arms. The consciousness of Clara's presence was stronger than +ever within him. + +And now he began to speak, in a voice which was not loud, but with the +solemn deliberation wherewith exorcisms are uttered: + +"Clara,"--thus did he begin,--"if thou art really here, if thou seest +me, if thou hearest me, reveal thyself!... If that power which I feel +upon me is really thy power,--reveal thyself! If thou understandest how +bitterly I repent of not having understood thee, of having repulsed +thee,--reveal thyself!--If that which I have heard is really thy voice; +if the feeling which has taken possession of me is love; if thou art now +convinced that I love thee,--I who up to this time have not loved, and +have not known a single woman;--if thou knowest that after thy death I +fell passionately, irresistibly in love with thee, if thou dost not wish +me to go mad--reveal thyself!" + +No sooner had Aratoff uttered this last word than he suddenly felt some +one swiftly approach him from behind, as on that occasion upon the +boulevard--and lay a hand upon his shoulder. He wheeled round--and saw +no one. But the consciousness of _her_ presence became so distinct, so +indubitable, that he cast another hasty glance behind him.... + +What was that?! In his arm-chair, a couple of paces from him, sat a +woman all in black. Her head was bent to one side, as in the +stereoscope.... It was she! It was Clara! But what a stern, what a +mournful face! + +Aratoff sank down gently upon his knees.--Yes, he was right, then; +neither fear, nor joy was in him, nor even surprise.... His heart even +began to beat more quietly;--The only thing in him was the feeling: "Ah! +At last! At last!" + +"Clara," he began in a faint but even tone, "why dost thou not look at +me? I know it is thou ... but I might, seest thou, think that my +imagination had created an image like _that one_...." (He pointed in the +direction of the stereoscope).... "Prove to me that it is thou.... Turn +toward me, look at me, Clara!" + +Clara's hand rose slowly ... and fell again. + +"Clara! Clara! Turn toward me!" + +And Clara's head turned slowly, her drooping lids opened, and the dark +pupils of her eyes were fixed on Aratoff. + +He started back, and uttered a tremulous, long-drawn: "Ah!" + +Clara gazed intently at him ... but her eyes, her features preserved +their original thoughtfully-stern, almost displeased expression. With +precisely that expression she had presented herself on the platform upon +the day of the literary morning, before she had caught sight of Aratoff. +And now, as on that occasion also, she suddenly flushed scarlet, her +face grew animated, her glance flashed, and a joyful, triumphant smile +parted her lips.... + +"I am forgiven!"--cried Aratoff.--"Thou hast conquered.... So take me! +For I am thine, and thou art mine!" + +He darted toward her, he tried to kiss those smiling, those triumphant +lips,--and he did kiss them, he felt their burning touch, he felt even +the moist chill of her teeth, and a rapturous cry rang through the +half-dark room. + +Platonida Ivanovna ran in and found him in a swoon. He was on his knees; +his head was lying on the arm-chair; his arms, outstretched before him, +hung powerless; his pale face breathed forth the intoxication of +boundless happiness. + +Platonida Ivanovna threw herself beside him, embraced him, stammered: +"Yasha! Yashenka! Yashenyonotchek!!"[67] tried to lift him up with her +bony arms ... he did not stir. Then Platonida Ivanovna set to screaming +in an unrecognisable voice. The maid-servant ran in. Together they +managed somehow to lift him up, seated him in a chair, and began to dash +water on him--and water in which a holy image had been washed at +that.... + +He came to himself; but merely smiled in reply to his aunt's queries, +and with such a blissful aspect that she became more perturbed than +ever, and kept crossing first him and then herself.... At last Aratoff +pushed away her hand, and still with the same beatific expression on his +countenance, he said:-- + +"What is the matter with you, Platosha?" + +"What ails thee, Yashenka?" + +"Me?--I am happy ... happy, Platosha ... that is what ails me. But now I +want to go to bed and sleep." + +He tried to rise, but felt such a weakness in his legs and in all his +body that he was not in a condition to undress and get into bed himself +without the aid of his aunt and of the maid-servant. But he fell asleep +very quickly, preserving on his face that same blissfully-rapturous +expression. Only his face was extremely pale. + + + + +XVIII + + +When Platonida Ivanovna entered his room on the following morning he was +in the same condition ... but his weakness had not passed off, and he +even preferred to remain in bed. Platonida Ivanovna did not like the +pallor of his face in particular. + +"What does it mean, O Lord!" she thought. "There isn't a drop of blood +in his face, he refuses his beef-tea; he lies there and laughs, and +keeps asserting that he is quite well!" + +He refused breakfast also.--"Why dost thou do that, Yasha?" she asked +him; "dost thou intend to lie like this all day?" + +"And what if I do?" replied Aratoff, affectionately. + +This very affection also did not please Platonida Ivanovna. Aratoff +wore the aspect of a man who has learned a great secret, which is very +agreeable to him, and is jealously clinging to it and reserving it for +himself. He was waiting for night, not exactly with impatience but with +curiosity. + +"What comes next?" he asked himself;--"what will happen?" He had ceased +to be surprised, to be perplexed; he cherished no doubt as to his having +entered into communication with Clara; that they loved each other ... he +did not doubt, either. Only ... what can come of such a love?--He +recalled that kiss ... and a wondrous chill coursed swiftly and sweetly +through all his limbs.--"Romeo and Juliet did not exchange such a kiss +as that!" he thought. "But the next time I shall hold out better.... I +shall possess her.... She will come with the garland of tiny roses in +her black curls.... + +"But after that what? For we cannot live together, can we? Consequently +I must die in order to be with her? Was not that what she came for,--and +is it not in _that_ way she wishes to take me? + +"Well, and what of that? If I must die, I must. Death does not terrify +me in the least now. For it cannot annihilate me, can it? On the +contrary, only _thus_ and _there_ shall I be happy ... as I have never +been happy in my lifetime, as she has never been in hers.... For we are +both unsullied!--Oh, that kiss!" + + * * * * * + +Platonida Ivanovna kept entering Aratoff's room; she did not worry him +with questions, she merely took a look at him, whispered, sighed, and +went out again.--But now he refused his dinner also.... Things were +getting quite too bad. The old woman went off to her friend, the medical +man of the police-district, in whom she had faith simply because he did +not drink and was married to a German woman. Aratoff was astonished when +she brought the man to him; but Platonida Ivanovna began so insistently +to entreat her Yashenka to permit Paramon Paramonitch (that was the +medical man's name) to examine him--come, now, just for her sake!--that +Aratoff consented. Paramon Paramonitch felt his pulse, looked at his +tongue, interrogated him after a fashion, and finally announced that it +was indispensably necessary to "auscultate" him. Aratoff was in such a +submissive frame of mind that he consented to this also. The doctor +delicately laid bare his breast, delicately tapped it, listened, smiled, +prescribed some drops and a potion, but chief of all, advised him to be +quiet, and refrain from violent emotions. + +"You don't say so!" thought Aratoff.... "Well, brother, thou hast +bethought thyself too late!" + +"What ails Yasha?" asked Platonida Ivanovna, as she handed Paramon +Paramonitch a three-ruble bank-note on the threshold. The district +doctor, who, like all contemporary doctors,--especially those of them +who wear a uniform,--was fond of showing off his learned terminology, +informed her that her nephew had all the dioptric symptoms of nervous +cardialgia, and that febris was present also. + +"But speak more simply, dear little father," broke in Platonida +Ivanovna; "don't scare me with Latin; thou art not in an apothecary's +shop!" + +"His heart is out of order," explained the doctor;--"well, and he has +fever also," ... and he repeated his advice with regard to repose and +moderation. + +"But surely there is no danger?" sternly inquired Platonida Ivanovna, as +much as to say: "Look out and don't try your Latin on me again!" + +"Not at present!" + +The doctor went away, and Platonida Ivanovna took to grieving.... +Nevertheless she sent to the apothecary for the medicine, which Aratoff +would not take, despite her entreaties. He even refused herb-tea. + +"What makes you worry so, dear?" he said to her. "I assure you I am now +the most perfectly healthy and happy man in the whole world!" + +Platonida Ivanovna merely shook her head. Toward evening he became +slightly feverish; yet he still insisted upon it that she should not +remain in his room, and should go away to her own to sleep. Platonida +Ivanovna obeyed, but did not undress, and did not go to bed; she sat up +in an arm-chair and kept listening and whispering her prayer. + +She was beginning to fall into a doze, when suddenly a dreadful, +piercing shriek awakened her. She sprang to her feet, rushed into +Aratoff's study, and found him lying on the floor, as upon the night +before. + +But he did not come to himself as he had done the night before, work +over him as they would. That night he was seized with a high fever, +complicated by inflammation of the heart. + +A few days later he died. + +A strange circumstance accompanied his second swoon. When they lifted +him up and put him to bed, there proved to be a small lock of woman's +black hair clutched in his right hand. Where had that hair come from? +Anna Semyonovna had such a lock, which she had kept after Clara's death; +but why should she have given to Aratoff an object which was so precious +to her? Could she have laid it into the diary, and not noticed the fact +when she gave him the book? + +In the delirium which preceded his death Aratoff called himself +Romeo ... after the poison; he talked about a marriage contracted, +consummated;--said that now he knew the meaning of delight. Especially +dreadful for Platonida Ivanovna was the moment when Aratoff, recovering +consciousness, and seeing her by his bedside, said to her: + +"Aunty, why art thou weeping? Is it because I must die? But dost thou +not know that love is stronger than death?... Death! O Death, where is +thy sting? Thou must not weep, but rejoice, even as I rejoice...." + +And again the face of the dying man beamed with that same blissful smile +which had made the poor old woman shudder so. + + + + + + +POEMS IN PROSE + +(1878-1882) + + + + +_From the Editor of the "European Messenger_" + + +In compliance with our request, Ivan Sergyeevitch Turgenieff has given +his consent to our sharing now with the readers of our journal, without +delay, those passing comments, thoughts, images which he had noted down, +under one impression or another of current existence, during the last +five years,--those which belong to him personally, and those which +pertain to society in general. They, like many others, have not found a +place in those finished productions of the past which have already been +presented to the world, and have formed a complete collection in +themselves. From among these the author has made fifty selections. + +In the letter accompanying the pages which we are now about to print, I. +S. Turgenieff says, in conclusion: + +"... Let not your reader peruse these 'Poems in Prose' at one sitting; +he will probably be bored, and the book will fall from his hands. But +let him read them separately,--to-day one, to-morrow another,--and then +perchance some one of them may leave some trace behind in his soul...." + +The pages have no general title; the author has written on their +wrapper: "Senilia--An Old Man's Jottings,"--but we have preferred the +words carelessly dropped by the author in the end of his letter to us, +quoted above,--"Poems in Prose"--and we print the pages under that +general title. In our opinion, it fully expresses the source from which +such comments might present themselves to the soul of an author well +known for his sensitiveness to the various questions of life, as well as +the impression which they may produce on the reader, "leaving behind in +his soul" many things. They are, in reality, poems in spite of the fact +that they are written in prose. We place them in chronological order, +beginning with the year 1878. + +M. S.[68] + +October 28, 1882. + + + + + +I + +(1878) + + + + +THE VILLAGE + + +The last day of July; for a thousand versts round about lies Russia, the +fatherland. + +The whole sky is suffused with an even azure; there is only one little +cloud in it, which is half floating, half melting. There is no wind, it +is warm ... the air is like new milk! + +Larks are carolling; large-cropped pigeons are cooing; the swallows dart +past in silence; the horses neigh and munch, the dogs do not bark, but +stand peaceably wagging their tails. + +And there is an odour of smoke abroad, and of grass,--and a tiny whiff +of tan,--and another of leather.--The hemp-patches, also, are in their +glory, and emit their heavy but agreeable fragrance. + +A deep but not long ravine. Along its sides, in several rows, grow +bulky-headed willows, stripped bare at the bottom. Through the ravine +runs a brook; on its bottom tiny pebbles seem to tremble athwart its +pellucid ripples.--Far away, at the spot where the rims of earth and sky +come together, is the bluish streak of a large river. + +Along the ravine, on one side are neat little storehouses, and buildings +with tightly-closed doors; on the other side are five or six pine-log +cottages with board roofs. Over each roof rises a tall pole with a +starling house; over each tiny porch is an openwork iron horse's head +with a stiff mane.[69] The uneven window-panes sparkle with the hues of +the rainbow. Jugs holding bouquets are painted on the shutters. In front +of each cottage stands sedately a precise little bench; on the earthen +banks around the foundations of the house cats lie curled in balls, with +their transparent ears pricked up on the alert; behind the lofty +thresholds the anterooms look dark and cool. + +I am lying on the very brink of the ravine, on an outspread horse-cloth; +round about are whole heaps of new-mown hay, which is fragrant to the +point of inducing faintness. The sagacious householders have spread out +the hay in front of their cottages: let it dry a little more in the hot +sun, and then away with it to the barn! It will be a glorious place for +a nap! + +The curly heads of children project from each haycock; crested hens are +searching in the hay for gnats and small beetles; a white-toothed puppy +is sprawling among the tangled blades of grass. + +Ruddy-curled youths in clean, low-girt shirts, and heavy boots with +borders, are bandying lively remarks as they stand with their breasts +resting on the unhitched carts, and display their teeth in a grin. + +From a window a round-faced lass peeps out; she laughs, partly at their +words, and partly at the pranks of the children in the heaped-up hay. + +Another lass with her sturdy arms is drawing a huge, dripping bucket +from the well.... The bucket trembles and rocks on the rope, scattering +long, fiery drops. + +In front of me stands an aged housewife in a new-checked petticoat of +homespun and new peasant-shoes. + +Large inflated beads in three rows encircle her thin, swarthy neck; her +grey hair is bound about with a yellow kerchief with red dots; it droops +low over her dimmed eyes. + +But her aged eyes smile in cordial wise; her whole wrinkled face smiles. +The old woman must be in her seventh decade ... and even now it can be +seen that she was a beauty in her day! + +With the sunburned fingers of her right hand widely spread apart, she +holds a pot of cool, unskimmed milk, straight from the cellar; the sides +of the pot are covered with dewdrops, like small pearl beads. On the +palm of her left hand the old woman offers me a big slice of bread still +warm from the oven. As much as to say: "Eat, and may health be thine, +thou passing guest!" + +A cock suddenly crows and busily flaps his wings; an imprisoned calf +lows without haste, in reply. + +"Hey, what fine oats!" the voice of my coachman makes itself heard.... + +O Russian contentment, repose, plenty! O free village! O tranquillity +and abundance! + +And I thought to myself: "What care we for the cross on the dome of +Saint Sophia in Constantinople, and all the other things for which we +strive, we people of the town?" + +February, 1878. + + + + +A CONVERSATION + + "Never yet has human foot trod either the + Jungfrau or the Finsteraarhorn." + + +The summits of the Alps.... A whole chain of steep cliffs.... The very +heart of the mountains. + +Overhead a bright, mute, pale-green sky. A hard, cruel frost; firm, +sparkling snow; from beneath the snow project grim blocks of ice-bound, +wind-worn cliffs. + +Two huge masses, two giants rise aloft, one on each side of the horizon: +the Jungfrau and the Finsteraarhorn. + +And the Jungfrau says to its neighbour: "What news hast thou to tell? +Thou canst see better.--What is going on there below?" + +Several thousand years pass by like one minute. And the Finsteraarhorn +rumbles in reply: "Dense clouds veil the earth.... Wait!" + +More thousands of years elapse, as it were one minute. + +"Well, what now?" inquires the Jungfrau. + +"Now I can see; down yonder, below, everything is still the same: +party-coloured, tiny. The waters gleam blue; the forests are black; +heaps of stones piled up shine grey. Around them small beetles are still +bustling,--thou knowest, those two-legged beetles who have as yet been +unable to defile either thou or me." + +"Men?" + +"Yes, men." + +Thousands of years pass, as it were one minute. + +"Well, and what now?" asks the Jungfrau. + +"I seem to see fewer of the little beetles," thunders the +Finsteraarhorn. "Things have become clearer down below; the waters have +contracted; the forests have grown thinner." + +More thousands of years pass, as it were one minute. + +"What dost thou see?" says the Jungfrau. + +"Things seem to have grown clearer round us, close at hand," replies +the Finsteraarhorn; "well, and yonder, far away, in the valleys there is +still a spot, and something is moving." + +"And now?" inquires the Jungfrau, after other thousands of years, which +are as one minute. + +"Now it is well," replies the Finsteraarhorn; "it is clean everywhere, +quite white, wherever one looks.... Everywhere is our snow, level snow +and ice. Everything is congealed. It is well now, and calm." + +"Good," said the Jungfrau.--"But thou and I have chattered enough, old +fellow. It is time to sleep." + +"It is time!" + +The huge mountains slumber; the green, clear heaven slumbers over the +earth which has grown dumb forever. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE OLD WOMAN + + +I was walking across a spacious field, alone. + +And suddenly I thought I heard light, cautious footsteps behind my +back.... Some one was following me. + +I glanced round and beheld a tiny, bent old woman, all enveloped in grey +rags. The old woman's face was visible from beneath them: a yellow, +wrinkled, sharp-nosed, toothless face. + +I stepped up to her.... She halted. + +"Who art thou? What dost thou want? Art thou a beggar? Dost thou expect +alms?" + +The old woman made no answer. I bent down to her and perceived that both +her eyes were veiled with a semi-transparent, whitish membrane or film, +such as some birds have; therewith they protect their eyes from too +brilliant a light. + +But in the old woman's case that film did not move and reveal the +pupils ... from which I inferred that she was blind. + +"Dost thou want alms?" I repeated my question.--"Why art thou following +me?"--But, as before, the old woman did not answer, and merely shrank +back almost imperceptibly. + +I turned from her and went my way. + +And lo! again I hear behind me those same light, measured footsteps +which seem to be creeping stealthily up. + +"There's that woman again!" I said to myself.--"Why has she attached +herself to me?"--But at this point I mentally added: "Probably, owing to +her blindness, she has lost her way, and now she is guiding herself by +the sound of my steps, in order to come out, in company with me, at some +inhabited place. Yes, yes; that is it." + +But a strange uneasiness gradually gained possession of my thoughts: it +began to seem to me as though that old woman were not only following +me, but were guiding me,--that she was thrusting me now to the right, +now to the left, and that I was involuntarily obeying her. + +Still I continue to walk on ... but now, in front of me, directly in my +road, something looms up black and expands ... some sort of pit.... "The +grave!" flashes through my mind.--"That is where she is driving me!" + +I wheel abruptly round. Again the old woman is before me ... but she +sees! She gazes at me with large, evil eyes which bode me ill ... the +eyes of a bird of prey.... I bend down to her face, to her eyes.... +Again there is the same film, the same blind, dull visage as before.... + +"Akh!" I think ... "this old woman is my Fate--that Fate which no man +can escape! + +"I cannot get away! I cannot get away!--What madness.... I must make an +effort." And I dart to one side, in a different direction. + +I advance briskly.... But the light footsteps, as before, rustle behind +me, close, close behind me.... And in front of me again the pit yawns. + +Again I turn in another direction.... And again there is the same +rustling behind me, the same menacing spot in front of me. + +And no matter in what direction I dart, like a hare pursued ... it is +always the same, the same! + +"Stay!" I think.--"I will cheat her! I will not go anywhere at +all!"--and I instantaneously sit down on the ground. + +The old woman stands behind me, two paces distant.--I do not hear her, +but I feel that she is there. + +And suddenly I behold that spot which had loomed black in the distance, +gliding on, creeping up to me itself! + +O God! I glance behind me.... The old woman is looking straight at me, +and her toothless mouth is distorted in a grin.... + +"Thou canst not escape!" + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE DOG + + +There are two of us in the room, my dog and I.... A frightful storm is +raging out of doors. + +The dog is sitting in front of me, and gazing straight into my eyes. + +And I, also, am looking him straight in the eye. + +He seems to be anxious to say something to me. He is dumb, he has no +words, he does not understand himself--but I understand him. + +I understand that, at this moment, both in him and in me there dwells +one and the same feeling, that there is no difference whatever between +us. We are exactly alike; in each of us there burns and glows the +selfsame tremulous flame. + +Death is swooping down upon us, it is waving its cold, broad wings.... + +"And this is the end!" + +Who shall decide afterward, precisely what sort of flame burned in each +one of us? + +No! it is not an animal and a man exchanging glances.... + +It is two pairs of eyes exactly alike fixed on each other. + +And in each of those pairs, in the animal and in the man, one and the +same life is huddling up timorously to the other. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE RIVAU + + +I had a comrade-rival; not in our studies, not in the service or in +love; but our views did not agree on any point, and every time we met, +interminable arguments sprang up. + +We argued about art, religion, science, about the life of earth and +matters beyond the grave,--especially life beyond the grave. + +He was a believer and an enthusiast. One day he said to me: "Thou +laughest at everything; but if I die before thee, I will appear to thee +from the other world.... We shall see whether thou wilt laugh then." + +And, as a matter of fact, he did die before me, while he was still young +in years; but years passed, and I had forgotten his promise,--his +threat. + +One night I was lying in bed, and could not get to sleep, neither did I +wish to do so. + +It was neither light nor dark in the room; I began to stare into the +grey half-gloom. + +And suddenly it seemed to me that my rival was standing between the two +windows, and nodding his head gently and sadly downward from above. + +I was not frightened, I was not even surprised ... but rising up +slightly in bed, and propping myself on my elbow, I began to gaze with +redoubled attention at the figure which had so unexpectedly presented +itself. + +The latter continued to nod its head. + +"What is it?" I said at last.--"Art thou exulting? Or art thou +pitying?--What is this--a warning or a reproach?... Or dost thou wish to +give me to understand that thou wert in the wrong? That we were both in +the wrong? What art thou experiencing? The pains of hell? The bliss of +paradise? Speak at least one word!" + +But my rival did not utter a single sound--and only went on nodding his +head sadly and submissively, as before, downward from above. + +I burst out laughing ... he vanished. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE BEGGAR MAN + + +I was passing along the street when a beggar, a decrepit old man, +stopped me. + +Swollen, tearful eyes, blue lips, bristling rags, unclean sores.... Oh, +how horribly had poverty gnawed that unhappy being! + +He stretched out to me a red, bloated, dirty hand.... He moaned, he +bellowed for help. + +I began to rummage in all my pockets.... Neither purse, nor watch, nor +even handkerchief did I find.... I had taken nothing with me. + +And the beggar still waited ... and extended his hand, which swayed and +trembled feebly. + +Bewildered, confused, I shook that dirty, tremulous hand heartily.... + +"Blame me not, brother; I have nothing, brother." + +The beggar man fixed his swollen eyes upon me; his blue lips smiled--and +in his turn he pressed my cold fingers. + +"Never mind, brother," he mumbled. "Thanks for this also, brother.--This +also is an alms, brother." + +I understood that I had received an alms from my brother. + +February, 1878. + + + + +"THOU SHALT HEAR THE JUDGMENT OF THE DULLARD...." + _Pushkin_ + + +"Thou shalt hear the judgment of the dullard...." Thou hast always +spoken the truth, thou great writer of ours; thou hast spoken it this +time, also. + +"The judgment of the dullard and the laughter of the crowd."... Who is +there that has not experienced both the one and the other? + +All this can--and must be borne; and whosoever hath the strength,--let +him despise it. + +But there are blows which beat more painfully on the heart itself.... A +man has done everything in his power; he has toiled arduously, lovingly, +honestly.... And honest souls turn squeamishly away from him; honest +faces flush with indignation at his name. "Depart! Begone!" honest young +voices shout at him.--"We need neither thee nor thy work, thou art +defiling our dwelling--thou dost not know us and dost not understand +us.... Thou art our enemy!" + +What is that man to do then? Continue to toil, make no effort to defend +himself--and not even expect a more just estimate. + +In former days tillers of the soil cursed the traveller who brought them +potatoes in place of bread, the daily food of the poor man.... They +snatched the precious gift from the hands outstretched to them, flung it +in the mire, trod it under foot. + +Now they subsist upon it--and do not even know the name of their +benefactor. + +So be it! What matters his name to them? He, although he be nameless, +has saved them from hunger. + +Let us strive only that what we offer may be equally useful food. + +Bitter is unjust reproach in the mouths of people whom one loves.... But +even that can be endured.... + +"Beat me--but hear me out!" said the Athenian chieftain to the Spartan +chieftain. + +"Beat me--but be healthy and full fed!" is what we ought to say. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE CONTENTED MAN + + +Along a street of the capital is skipping a man who is still young.--His +movements are cheerful, alert; his eyes are beaming, his lips are +smiling, his sensitive face is pleasantly rosy.... He is all contentment +and joy. + +What has happened to him? Has he come into an inheritance? Has he been +elevated in rank? Is he hastening to a love tryst? Or, simply, has he +breakfasted well, and is it a sensation of health, a sensation of +full-fed strength which is leaping for joy in all his limbs? Or they may +have hung on his neck thy handsome, eight-pointed cross, O Polish King +Stanislaus! + +No. He has concocted a calumny against an acquaintance, he has +assiduously disseminated it, he has heard it--that same calumny--from +the mouth of another acquaintance--and _has believed it himself_. + +Oh, how contented, how good even at this moment is that nice, +highly-promising young man. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE RULE OF LIFE + + +"If you desire thoroughly to mortify and even to injure an opponent," +said an old swindler to me, "reproach him with the very defect or vice +of which you feel conscious in yourself.--Fly into a rage ... and +reproach him! + +"In the first place, that makes other people think that you do not +possess that vice. + +"In the second place, your wrath may even be sincere.... You may profit +by the reproaches of your own conscience. + +"If, for example, you are a renegade, reproach your adversary with +having no convictions! + +"If you yourself are a lackey in soul, say to him with reproof that he +is a lackey ... the lackey of civilisation, of Europe, of socialism!" + +"You may even say, the lackey of non-lackeyism!" I remarked. + +"You may do that also," chimed in the old rascal. + +February, 1878. + + + + +THE END OF THE WORLD + +A DREAM + + +It seems to me as though I am somewhere in Russia, in the wilds, in a +plain country house. + +The chamber is large, low-ceiled, with three windows; the walls are +smeared with white paint; there is no furniture. In front of the house +is a bare plain; gradually descending, it recedes into the distance; the +grey, monotoned sky hangs over it like a canopy. + +I am not alone; half a score of men are with me in the room. All plain +folk, plainly clad; they are pacing up and down in silence, as though by +stealth. They avoid one another, and yet they are incessantly exchanging +uneasy glances. + +Not one of them knows why he has got into this house, or who the men are +with him. On all faces there is disquiet and melancholy ... all, in +turn, approach the windows and gaze attentively about them, as though +expecting something from without. + +Then again they set to roaming up and down. Among us a lad of short +stature is running about; from time to time he screams in a shrill, +monotonous voice: "Daddy, I'm afraid!"--This shrill cry makes me sick at +heart--and I also begin to be afraid.... Of what? I myself do not know. +Only I feel that a great, great calamity is on its way, and is drawing +near. + +And the little lad keeps screaming. Akh, if I could only get away from +here! How stifling it is! How oppressive!... But it is impossible to +escape. + +That sky is like a shroud. And there is no wind.... Is the air dead? + +Suddenly the boy ran to the window and began to scream with the same +plaintive voice as usual: "Look! Look! The earth has fallen in!" + +"What? Fallen in?"--In fact: there had been a plain in front of the +house, but now the house is standing on the crest of a frightful +mountain!--The horizon has fallen, has gone down, and from the very +house itself a black, almost perpendicular declivity descends. + +We have all thronged to the window.... Horror freezes our +hearts.--"There it is ... there it is!" whispers my neighbour. + +And lo! along the whole distant boundary of the earth something has +begun to stir, some small, round hillocks have begun to rise and fall. + +"It is the sea!" occurs to us all at one and the same moment.--"It will +drown us all directly.... Only, how can it wax and rise up? On that +precipice?" + +And nevertheless it does wax, and wax hugely.... It is no longer +separate hillocks which are tumbling in the distance.... A dense, +monstrous wave engulfs the entire circle of the horizon. + +It is flying, flying upon us!--Like an icy hurricane it sweeps on, +swirling with the outer darkness. Everything round about has begun to +quiver,--and yonder, in that oncoming mass,--there are crashing and +thunder, and a thousand-throated, iron barking.... + +Ha! What a roaring and howling! It is the earth roaring with terror.... + +It is the end of it! The end of all things! + +The boy screamed once more.... I tried to seize hold of my comrades, but +we, all of us, were already crushed, buried, drowned, swept away by that +icy, rumbling flood, as black as ink. + +Darkness ... eternal darkness! + +Gasping for breath, I awoke. + +March, 1878. + + + + +MASHA + + +When I was living in Petersburg,--many years ago,--whenever I had +occasion to hire a public cabman I entered into conversation with him. + +I was specially fond of conversing with the night cabmen,--poor +peasants of the suburbs, who have come to town with their ochre-tinted +little sledges and miserable little nags in the hope of supporting +themselves and collecting enough money to pay their quit-rent to their +owners. + +So, then, one day I hired such a cabman.... He was a youth of twenty +years, tall, well-built, a fine, dashing young fellow; he had blue eyes +and rosy cheeks; his red-gold hair curled in rings beneath a wretched +little patched cap, which was pulled down over his very eyebrows. And +how in the world was that tattered little coat ever got upon those +shoulders of heroic mould! + +But the cabman's handsome, beardless face seemed sad and lowering. + +I entered into conversation with him. Sadness was discernible in his +voice also. + +"What is it, brother?" I asked him.--"Why art not thou cheerful? Hast +thou any grief?" + +The young fellow did not reply to me at once. + +"I have, master, I have," he said at last.--"And such a grief that it +would be better if I were not alive. My wife is dead." + +"Didst thou love her ... thy wife?" + +The young fellow turned toward me; only he bent his head a little. + +"I did, master. This is the eighth month since ... but I cannot forget. +It is eating away my heart ... so it is! And why must she die? She was +young! Healthy!... In one day the cholera settled her." + +"And was she of a good disposition?" + +"Akh, master!" sighed the poor fellow, heavily.--"And on what friendly +terms she and I lived together! She died in my absence. When I heard +here that they had already buried her, I hurried immediately to the +village, home. It was already after midnight when I arrived. I entered +my cottage, stopped short in the middle of it, and said so softly: +'Masha! hey, Masha!' Only a cricket shrilled.--Then I fell to weeping, +and sat down on the cottage floor, and how I did beat my palm against +the ground!--'Thy bowels are insatiable!' I said.... 'Thou hast devoured +her ... devour me also!'--Akh, Masha!" + +"Masha," he added in a suddenly lowered voice. And without letting his +rope reins out of his hands, he squeezed a tear out of his eye with his +mitten, shook it off, flung it to one side, shrugged his shoulders--and +did not utter another word. + +As I alighted from the sledge I gave him an extra fifteen kopeks. He +made me a low obeisance, grasping his cap in both hands, and drove off +at a foot-pace over the snowy expanse of empty street, flooded with the +grey mist of the January frost. + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE FOOL + + +Once upon a time a fool lived in the world. + +For a long time he lived in clover; but gradually rumours began to reach +him to the effect that he bore the reputation everywhere of a brainless +ninny. + +The fool was disconcerted and began to fret over the question how he was +to put an end to those unpleasant rumours. + +A sudden idea at last illumined his dark little brain.... And without +the slightest delay he put it into execution. + +An acquaintance met him on the street and began to praise a well-known +artist.... "Good gracious!" exclaimed the fool, "that artist was +relegated to the archives long ago.... Don't you know that?--I did not +expect that of you.... You are behind the times." + +The acquaintance was frightened, and immediately agreed with the fool. + +"What a fine book I have read to-day!" said another acquaintance to him. + +"Good gracious!" cried the fool.--"Aren't you ashamed of yourself? That +book is good for nothing; everybody dropped it in disgust long +ago.--Don't you know that?--You are behind the times." + +And that acquaintance also was frightened and agreed with the fool. + +"What a splendid man my friend N. N. is!" said a third acquaintance to +the fool.--"There's a truly noble being for you!" + +"Good gracious!"--exclaimed the fool,--"it is well known that N. N. is a +scoundrel! He has robbed all his relatives. Who is there that does not +know it? You are behind the times." + +The third acquaintance also took fright and agreed with the fool, and +renounced his friend. And whosoever or whatsoever was praised in the +fool's presence, he had the same retort for all. + +He even sometimes added reproachfully: "And do you still believe in the +authorities?" + +"A malicious person! A bilious man!" his acquaintances began to say +about the fool.--"But what a head!" + +"And what a tongue!" added others. + +"Oh, yes; he is talented!" + +It ended in the publisher of a newspaper proposing to the fool that he +should take charge of his critical department. + +And the fool began to criticise everything and everybody, without making +the slightest change in his methods, or in his exclamations. + +Now he, who formerly shrieked against authorities, is an authority +himself,--and the young men worship him and fear him. + +But what are they to do, poor fellows? Although it is not +proper--generally speaking--to worship ... yet in this case, if one does +not do it, he will find himself classed among the men who are behind +the times! + +There is a career for fools among cowards. + +April, 1878. + + + + +AN ORIENTAL LEGEND + + +Who in Bagdad does not know the great Giaffar, the sun of the universe? + +One day, many years ago, when he was still a young man, Giaffar was +strolling in the suburbs of Bagdad. + +Suddenly there fell upon his ear a hoarse cry: some one was calling +desperately for help. + +Giaffar was distinguished among the young men of his own age for his +good sense and prudence; but he had a compassionate heart, and he +trusted to his strength. + +He ran in the direction of the cry, and beheld a decrepit old man pinned +against the wall of the city by two brigands who were robbing him. + +Giaffar drew his sword and fell upon the malefactors. One he slew, the +other he chased away. + +The old man whom he had liberated fell at his rescuer's feet, and +kissing the hem of his garment, exclaimed: "Brave youth, thy magnanimity +shall not remain unrewarded. In appearance I am a beggar; but only in +appearance. I am not a common man.--Come to-morrow morning early to the +chief bazaar; I will await thee there at the fountain--and thou shalt +convince thyself as to the justice of my words." + +Giaffar reflected: "In appearance this man is a beggar, it is true; but +all sorts of things happen. Why should not I try the experiment?"--and +he answered: "Good, my father, I will go." + +The old man looked him in the eye and went away. + +On the following morning, just as day was breaking, Giaffar set out for +the bazaar. The old man was already waiting for him, with his elbows +leaning on the marble basin of the fountain. + +Silently he took Giaffar by the hand and led him to a small garden, +surrounded on all sides by high walls. + +In the very centre of this garden, on a green lawn, grew a tree of +extraordinary aspect. + +It resembled a cypress; only its foliage was of azure hue. + +Three fruits--three apples--hung on the slender up-curving branches. One +of medium size was oblong in shape, of a milky-white hue; another was +large, round, and bright red; the third was small, wrinkled and +yellowish. + +The whole tree was rustling faintly, although there was no wind. It +tinkled delicately and plaintively, as though it were made of glass; it +seemed to feel the approach of Giaffar. + +"Youth!"--said the old man, "pluck whichever of these fruits thou wilt, +and know that if thou shalt pluck and eat the white one, thou shalt +become more wise than all men; if thou shalt pluck and eat the red one, +thou shalt become as rich as the Hebrew Rothschild; if thou shalt pluck +and eat the yellow one, thou shalt please old women. Decide! ... and +delay not. In an hour the fruits will fade, and the tree itself will +sink into the dumb depths of the earth!" + +Giaffar bowed his head and thought.--"What am I to do?" he articulated +in a low tone, as though arguing with himself.--"If one becomes too +wise, he will not wish to live, probably; if he becomes richer than all +men, all will hate him; I would do better to pluck and eat the third, +the shrivelled apple!" + +And so he did; and the old man laughed a toothless laugh and said: "Oh, +most wise youth! Thou hast chosen the good part!--What use hast thou for +the white apple? Thou art wiser than Solomon as thou art.--And neither +dost thou need the red apple.... Even without it thou shalt be rich. +Only no one will be envious of thy wealth." + +"Inform me, old man," said Giaffar, with a start, "where the respected +mother of our God-saved Caliph dwelleth?" + +The old man bowed to the earth, and pointed out the road to the youth. + +Who in Bagdad doth not know the sun of the universe, the great, the +celebrated Giaffar? + +April, 1878. + + + + +TWO FOUR-LINE STANZAS + + +There existed once a city whose inhabitants were so passionately fond of +poetry that if several weeks passed and no beautiful new verses had made +their appearance they regarded that poetical dearth as a public +calamity. + +At such times they donned their worst garments, sprinkled ashes on their +heads, and gathering in throngs on the public squares, they shed tears, +and murmured bitterly against the Muse for having abandoned them. + +On one such disastrous day the young poet Junius, presented himself on +the square, filled to overflowing with the sorrowing populace. + +With swift steps he ascended a specially-constructed tribune and made a +sign that he wished to recite a poem. + +The lictors immediately brandished their staves. "Silence! Attention!" +they shouted in stentorian tones. + +"Friends! Comrades!" began Junius, in a loud, but not altogether firm +voice: + + "Friends! Comrades! Ye lovers of verses! + Admirers of all that is graceful and fair! + Be not cast down by a moment of dark sadness! + The longed-for instant will come ... and light + will disperse the gloom!"[70] + +Junius ceased speaking ... and in reply to him, from all points of the +square, clamour, whistling, and laughter arose. + +All the faces turned toward him flamed with indignation, all eyes +flashed with wrath, all hands were uplifted, menaced, were clenched into +fists. + +"A pretty thing he has thought to surprise us with!" roared angry +voices. "Away from the tribune with the talentless rhymster! Away with +the fool! Hurl rotten apples, bad eggs, at the empty-pated idiot! Give +us stones! Fetch stones!" + +Junius tumbled headlong from the tribune ... but before he had succeeded +in fleeing to his own house, outbursts of rapturous applause, cries of +laudation and shouts reached his ear. + +Filled with amazement, but striving not to be detected (for it is +dangerous to irritate an enraged wild beast), Junius returned to the +square. + +And what did he behold? + +High above the throng, above its shoulders, on a flat gold shield, stood +his rival, the young poet Julius, clad in a purple mantle, with a +laurel wreath on his waving curls.... And the populace round about was +roaring: "Glory! Glory! Glory to the immortal Julius! He hath comforted +us in our grief, in our great woe! He hath given us verses sweeter than +honey, more melodious than the cymbals, more fragrant than the rose, +more pure than heaven's azure! Bear him in triumph; surround his +inspired head with a soft billow of incense; refresh his brow with the +waving of palm branches; lavish at his feet all the spices of Arabia! +Glory!" + +Junius approached one of the glorifiers.--"Inform me, O my +fellow-townsman! With what verses hath Julius made you happy?--Alas, I +was not on the square when he recited them! Repeat them, if thou canst +recall them, I pray thee!" + +"Such verses--and not recall them?" briskly replied the man +interrogated.--"For whom dost thou take me? Listen--and rejoice, rejoice +together with us!" + +'Ye lovers of verses!'--thus began the divine Julius.... + + "'Ye lovers of verses! Comrades! Friends! + Admirers of all that is graceful, melodious, tender! + Be not east down by a moment of heavy grief! + The longed-for moment will come--and day will chase away the night!' + +"What dost thou think of that?" + +"Good gracious!" roared Junius. "Why, those are my lines!--Julius must +have been in the crowd when I recited them; he heard and repeated them, +barely altering--and that, of course, not for the better--a few +expressions!" + +"Aha! Now I recognise thee.... Thou art Junius," retorted the citizen +whom he had accosted, knitting his brows.--"Thou art either envious or a +fool!... Only consider just one thing, unhappy man! Julius says in such +lofty style: 'And day will chase away the night!'.... But with thee it +is some nonsense or other: 'And the light will disperse the +gloom!?'--What light?! What darkness?!" + +"But is it not all one and the same thing...." Junius was beginning.... + +"Add one word more," the citizen interrupted him, "and I will shout to +the populace, and it will rend thee asunder." + +Junius prudently held his peace, but a grey-haired old man, who had +overheard his conversation with the citizen, stepped up to the poor +poet, and laying his hand on his shoulder, said: + +"Junius! Thou hast said thy say at the wrong time; but the other man +said his at the right time.--consequently, he is in the right, while for +thee there remain the consolations of thine own conscience." + +But while his conscience was consoling Junius to the best of its +ability,--and in a decidedly-unsatisfactory way, if the truth must be +told,--far away, amid the thunder and patter of jubilation, in the +golden dust of the all-conquering sun, gleaming with purple, darkling +with laurel athwart the undulating streams of abundant incense, with +majestic leisureliness, like an emperor marching to his empire, the +proudly-erect figure of Julius moved forward with easy grace ... and +long branches of the palm-tree bent in turn before him, as though +expressing by their quiet rising, their submissive obeisance, that +incessantly-renewed adoration which filled to overflowing the hearts of +his fellow-citizens whom he had enchanted! + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE SPARROW + + +I had returned from the chase and was walking along one of the alleys in +the garden. My hound was running on in front of me. + +Suddenly he retarded his steps and began to crawl stealthily along as +though he detected game ahead. + +I glanced down the alley and beheld a young sparrow, with a yellow ring +around its beak and down on its head. It had fallen from the nest (the +wind was rocking the trees of the alley violently), and sat motionless, +impotently expanding its barely-sprouted little wings. + +My hound was approaching it slowly when, suddenly wrenching itself from +a neighbouring birch, an old black-breasted sparrow fell like a stone in +front of my dog's very muzzle--and, with plumage all ruffled, contorted, +with a despairing and pitiful cry, gave a couple of hops in the +direction of the yawning jaws studded with big teeth. + +It had flung itself down to save, it was shielding, its offspring ... +but the whole of its tiny body was throbbing with fear, its voice was +wild and hoarse, it was swooning, it was sacrificing itself! + +What a huge monster the dog must have appeared to it! And yet it could +not have remained perched on its lofty, secure bough.... A force greater +than its own will had hurled it thence. + +My Tresor stopped short, retreated.... Evidently he recognised that +force. + +I hastened to call off the discomfited hound, and withdrew with +reverence. + +Yes; do not laugh. I felt reverential before that tiny, heroic bird, +before its loving impulse. + +Love, I thought, is stronger than death.--Only by it, only by love, does +life support itself and move. + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE SKULLS + + +A sumptuous, luxuriously illuminated ball-room; a multitude of +cavaliers and ladies. + +All faces are animated, all speeches are brisk.... A rattling +conversation is in progress about a well-known songstress. The people +are lauding her as divine, immortal.... Oh, how finely she had executed +her last trill that evening! + +And suddenly--as though at the wave of a magic wand--from all the heads, +from all the faces, a thin shell of skin flew off, and instantly there +was revealed the whiteness of skulls, the naked gums and cheek-bones +dimpled like bluish lead. + +With horror did I watch those gums and cheek-bones moving and +stirring,--those knobby, bony spheres turning this way and that, as they +gleamed in the light of the lamps and candles, and smaller spheres--the +spheres of the eyes bereft of sense--rolling in them. + +I dared not touch my own face, I dared not look at myself in a mirror. +But the skulls continued to turn this way and that, as before.... And +with the same clatter as before, the brisk tongues, flashing like red +rags from behind the grinning teeth, murmured on, how wonderfully, how +incomparably the immortal ... yes, the immortal songstress had executed +her last trill! + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE TOILER AND THE LAZY MAN + +A CONVERSATION + + +THE TOILER + +Why dost thou bother us? What dost thou want? Thou art not one of us.... +Go away! + +THE LAZY MAN[71] + +I am one of you, brethren! + +THE TOILER + +Nothing of the sort; thou art not one of us! What an invention! Just +look at my hands. Dost thou see how dirty they are? And they stink of +dung, and tar,--while thy hands are white. And of what do they smell? + +THE LAZY MAN--_offering his hands_ + +Smell. + +THE TOILER--_smelling the hands_ + +What's this? They seem to give off an odour of iron. + +THE LAZY MAN + +Iron it is. For the last six years I have worn fetters on them. + +THE TOILER + +And what was that for? + +THE LAZY MAN + +Because I was striving for your welfare, I wanted to liberate you, the +coarse, uneducated people; I rebelled against your oppressors, I +mutinied.... Well, and so they put me in prison. + +THE TOILER + +They put you in prison? It served you right for rebelling! + + _Two Years Later_ + +THE SAME TOILER TO ANOTHER TOILER + +Hearken, Piotra!... Dost remember one of those white-handed lazy men was +talking to thee the summer before last? + +THE OTHER TOILER + +I remember.... What of it? + +FIRST TOILER + +They're going to hang him to-day, I hear; that's the order which has +been issued. + +SECOND TOILER + +Has he kept on rebelling? + +FIRST TOILER + +He has. + +SECOND TOILER + +Yes.... Well, see here, brother Mitry: can't we get hold of a bit of +that rope with which they are going to hang him? Folks say that that +brings the greatest good luck to a house. + +FIRST TOILER + +Thou'rt right about that. We must try, brother Piotra. + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE ROSE + + +The last days of August.... Autumn had already come. + +The sun had set. A sudden, violent rain, without thunder and without +lightning, had just swooped down upon our broad plain. + +The garden in front of the house burned and smoked, all flooded with the +heat of sunset and the deluge of rain. + +She was sitting at a table in the drawing-room and staring with stubborn +thoughtfulness into the garden, through the half-open door. + +I knew what was going on then in her soul. I knew that after a brief +though anguished conflict, she would that same instant yield to the +feeling which she could no longer control. + +Suddenly she rose, walked out briskly into the garden and disappeared. + +One hour struck ... then another; she did not return. + +Then I rose, and emerging from the house, I bent my steps to the alley +down which--I had no doubt as to that--she had gone. + +Everything had grown dark round about; night had already descended. But +on the damp sand of the path, gleaming scarlet amid the encircling +gloom, a rounded object was visible. + +I bent down. It was a young, barely-budded rose. Two hours before I had +seen that same rose on her breast. + +I carefully picked up the flower which had fallen in the mire, and +returning to the drawing-room, I laid it on the table, in front of her +arm-chair. + +And now, at last, she returned, and traversing the whole length of the +room with her light footsteps, she seated herself at the table. + +Her face had grown pale and animated; swiftly, with merry confusion, her +lowered eyes, which seemed to have grown smaller, darted about in all +directions. + +She caught sight of the rose, seized it, glanced at its crumpled petals, +glanced at me--and her eyes, coming to a sudden halt, glittered with +tears. + +"What are you weeping about?" I asked. + +"Why, here, about this rose. Look what has happened to it." + +At this point I took it into my head to display profundity of thought. + +"Your tears will wash away the mire," I said with a significant +expression. + +"Tears do not wash, tears scorch," she replied, and, turning toward the +fireplace, she tossed the flower into the expiring flame. + +"The fire will scorch it still better than tears," she exclaimed, not +without audacity,--and her beautiful eyes, still sparkling with tears, +laughed boldly and happily. + +I understood that she had been scorched also. + +April, 1878. + + + + +IN MEMORY OF J. P. VREVSKY + + +In the mire, on damp, stinking straw, under the pent-house of an old +carriage-house which had been hastily converted into a field military +hospital in a ruined Bulgarian hamlet, she had been for more than a +fortnight dying of typhus fever. + +She was unconscious--and not a single physician had even glanced at her; +the sick soldiers whom she had nursed as long as she could keep on her +feet rose by turns from their infected lairs, in order to raise to her +parched lips a few drops of water in a fragment of a broken jug. + +She was young, handsome; high society knew her; even dignitaries +inquired about her. The ladies envied her, the men courted her ... two +or three men loved her secretly and profoundly. Life smiled upon her; +but there are smiles which are worse than tears, + +A tender, gentle heart ... and such strength, such a thirst for +sacrifice! To help those who needed help ... she knew no other happiness +... she knew no other and she tasted no other. Every other happiness +passed her by. But she had long since become reconciled to that, and all +flaming with the fire of inextinguishable faith, she dedicated herself +to the service of her fellow-men. What sacred treasures she held hidden +there, in the depths of her soul, in her own secret recesses, no one +ever knew--and now no one will ever know. + +And to what end? The sacrifice has been made ... the deed is done. + +But it is sorrowful to think that no one said "thank you" even to her +corpse, although she herself was ashamed of and shunned all thanks. + +May her dear shade be not offended by this tardy blossom, which I +venture to lay upon her grave! + +September, 1878. + + + + +THE LAST MEETING + + +We were once close, intimate friends.... But there came an evil moment +and we parted like enemies. + +Many years passed.... And lo! on entering the town where he lived I +learned that he was hopelessly ill, and wished to see me. + +I went to him, I entered his chamber.... Our glances met. + +I hardly recognised him. O God! How disease had changed him! + +Yellow, shrivelled, with his head completely bald, and a narrow, grey +beard, he was sitting in nothing but a shirt, cut out expressly.... He +could not bear the pressure of the lightest garment. Abruptly he +extended to me his frightfully-thin hand, which looked as though it had +been gnawed away, with an effort whispered several incomprehensible +words--whether of welcome or of reproach, who knows? His exhausted chest +heaved; over the contracted pupils of his small, inflamed eyes two +scanty tears of martyrdom flowed down. + +My heart sank within me.... I sat down on a chair beside him, and +involuntarily dropping my eyes in the presence of that horror and +deformity, I also put out my hand. + +But it seemed to me that it was not his hand which grasped mine. + +It seemed to me as though there were sitting between us a tall, quiet, +white woman. A long veil enveloped her from head to foot. Her deep, pale +eyes gazed nowhere; her pale, stern lips uttered no sound.... + +That woman joined our hands.... She reconciled us forever. + +Yes.... It was Death who had reconciled us.... + +April, 1878. + + + + +THE VISIT + + +I was sitting at the open window ... in the morning, early in the +morning, on the first of May. + +The flush of dawn had not yet begun; but the dark, warm night was +already paling, already growing chill. + +No fog had risen, no breeze was straying, everything was of one hue and +silent ... but one could scent the approach of the awakening, and in the +rarefied air the scent of the dew's harsh dampness was abroad. + +Suddenly, into my chamber, through the open window, flew a large bird, +lightly tinkling and rustling. + +I started, looked more intently.... It was not a bird: it was a tiny, +winged woman, clad in a long, close-fitting robe which billowed out at +the bottom. + +She was all grey, the hue of mother-of-pearl; only the inner side of her +wings glowed with a tender flush of scarlet, like a rose bursting into +blossom; a garland of lilies-of-the-valley confined the scattered curls +of her small, round head,--and two peacock feathers quivered amusingly, +like the feelers of a butterfly, above the fair, rounded little +forehead. + +She floated past a couple of times close to the ceiling: her tiny face +was laughing; laughing also were her huge, black, luminous eyes. The +merry playfulness of her capricious flight shivered their diamond rays. + +She held in her hand a long frond of a steppe flower--"Imperial +sceptre"[72] the Russian folk call it; and it does, indeed, resemble a +sceptre. + +As she flew rapidly above me she touched my head with that flower. + +I darted toward her.... But she had already fluttered through the +window, and away she flew headlong.... + +In the garden, in the wilderness of the lilac-bushes, a turtle-dove +greeted her with its first cooing; and at the spot where she had +vanished the milky-white sky flushed a soft crimson. + +I recognised thee, goddess of fancy! Thou hast visited me by +accident--thou hast flown in to young poets. + +O poetry! O youth! O virginal beauty of woman! Only for an instant can +ye gleam before me,--in the early morning of the early spring! + +May, 1878. + + + + +NECESSITAS--VIS--LIBERTAS + +A BAS-RELIEF + + +A tall, bony old woman with an iron face and a dull, impassive gaze is +walking along with great strides, and pushing before her, with her hand +as harsh as a stick, another woman. + +This woman, of vast size, powerful, corpulent, with the muscles of a +Hercules, and a tiny head on a bull-like neck-and blind--is pushing on +in her turn a small, thin young girl. + +This girl alone has eyes which see; she resists, turns backward, +elevates her thin red arms; her animated countenance expresses +impatience and hardihood.... She does not wish to obey, she does not +wish to advance in the direction whither she is being impelled ... and, +nevertheless, she must obey and advance. + + _Necessitas--Vis--Libertas_: + +Whoever likes may interpret this. + +May, 1878. + + + + +ALMS + + +In the vicinity of a great city, on the broad, much-travelled road, an +aged, ailing man was walking. + +He was staggering as he went; his emaciated legs, entangling themselves, +trailing and stumbling, trod heavily and feebly, exactly as though they +belonged to some one else; his clothing hung on him in rags; his bare +head drooped upon his breast.... He was exhausted. + +He squatted down on a stone by the side of the road, bent forward, +propped his elbows on his knees, covered his face with both hands, and +between his crooked fingers the tears dripped on the dry, grey dust. + +He was remembering.... + +He remembered how he had once been healthy and rich,--and how he had +squandered his health, and distributed his wealth to others, friends and +enemies.... And lo! now he had not a crust of bread, and every one had +abandoned him, his friends even more promptly than his enemies.... Could +he possibly humble himself to the point of asking alms? And he felt +bitter and ashamed at heart. + +And the tears still dripped and dripped, mottling the grey dust. + +Suddenly he heard some one calling him by name. He raised his weary +head and beheld in front of him a stranger: a face calm and dignified, +but not stern; eyes not beaming, but bright; a gaze penetrating, but not +evil. + +"Thou hast given away all thy wealth," an even voice made itself +heard.... "But surely thou art not regretting that thou hast done good?" + +"I do not regret it," replied the old man, with a sigh, "only here am I +dying now." + +"And if there had been no beggars in the world to stretch out their +hands to thee," pursued the stranger, "thou wouldst have had no one to +whom to show thy beneficence; thou wouldst not have been able to +exercise thyself therein?" + +The old man made no reply, and fell into thought. + +"Therefore, be not proud now, my poor man," spoke up the stranger again. +"Go, stretch out thy hand, afford to other good people the possibility +of proving by their actions that they are good." + +The old man started, and raised his eyes ... but the stranger had +already vanished,--but far away, on the road, a wayfarer made his +appearance. + +The old man approached him, and stretched out his hand.--The wayfarer +turned away with a surly aspect and gave him nothing. + +But behind him came another, and this one gave the old man a small alms. + +And the old man bought bread for himself with the copper coins which had +been given him, and sweet did the bit which he had begged seem to him, +and there was no shame in his heart--but, on the contrary, a tranquil +joy overshadowed him. + +May, 1878. + + + + +THE INSECT + + +I dreamed that a score of us were sitting in a large room with open +windows. + +Among us were women, children, old men.... We were all talking about +some very unfamiliar subject--talking noisily and unintelligibly. + +Suddenly, with a harsh clatter, a huge insect, about three inches and a +half long, flew into the room ... flew in, circled about and alighted on +the wall. + +It resembled a fly or a wasp.--Its body was of a dirty hue; its flat, +hard wings were of the same colour; it had extended, shaggy claws and a +big, angular head, like that of a dragon-fly; and that head and the +claws were bright red, as though bloody. + +This strange insect kept incessantly turning its head downward, upward, +to the right, to the left, and moving its claws about ... then suddenly +it wrested itself from the wall, flew clattering through the room,--and +again alighted, again began to move in terrifying and repulsive manner, +without stirring from the spot. It evoked in all of us disgust, alarm, +even terror.... None of us had ever seen anything of the sort; we all +cried: "Expel that monster!" We all flourished our handkerchiefs at it +from a distance ... for no one could bring himself to approach it ... +and when the insect had flown in we had all involuntarily got out of the +way. + +Only one of our interlocutors, a pale-faced man who was still young, +surveyed us all with surprise.--He shrugged his shoulders, he smiled, he +positively could not understand what had happened to us and why we were +so agitated. He had seen no insect, he had not heard the ominous clatter +of its wings. + +Suddenly the insect seemed to rivet its attention on him, soared into +the air, and swooping down upon his head, stung him on the brow, a +little above the eyes.... The young man emitted a faint cry and fell +dead. + +The dreadful fly immediately flew away.... Only then did we divine what +sort of a visitor we had had. + +May, 1878. + + + + +CABBAGE-SOUP + + +The son of a widowed peasant-woman died--a young fellow aged twenty, the +best labourer in the village. + +The lady-proprietor of that village, on learning of the peasant-woman's +affliction, went to call upon her on the very day of the funeral. + +She found her at home. + +Standing in the middle of her cottage, in front of the table, she was +ladling out empty[73] cabbage-soup from the bottom of a smoke-begrimed +pot, in a leisurely way, with her right hand (her left hung limply by +her side), and swallowing spoonful after spoonful. + +The woman's face had grown sunken and dark; her eyes were red and +swollen ... but she carried herself independently and uprightly, as in +church.[74] + +"O Lord!" thought the lady; "she can eat at such a moment ... but what +coarse feelings they have!" + +And then the lady-mistress recalled how, when she had lost her own +little daughter, aged nine months, a few years before, she had refused, +out of grief, to hire a very beautiful villa in the vicinity of +Petersburg, and had passed the entire summer in town!--But the +peasant-woman continued to sip her cabbage-soup. + +At last the lady could endure it no longer.--"Tatyana!" said she.... +"Good gracious!--I am amazed! Is it possible that thou didst not love +thy son? How is it that thy appetite has not disappeared?--How canst +thou eat that cabbage-soup?" + +"My Vasya is dead," replied the woman softly, and tears of suffering +again began to stream down her sunken cheeks,--"and, of course, my own +end has come also: my head has been taken away from me while I am still +alive. But the cabbage-soup must not go to waste; for it is salted" + +The lady-mistress merely shrugged her shoulders and went away. She got +salt cheaply. + +May, 1878. + + + + +THE AZURE REALM + + +O azure realm! O realm of azure, light, youth, and happiness! I have +beheld thee ... in my dreams. + +There were several of us in a beautiful, decorated boat. Like the breast +of a swan the white sail towered aloft beneath fluttering pennants. + +I did not know who my companions were; but with all my being I felt that +they were as young, as merry, as happy as I was! + +And I paid no heed to them. All about me I beheld only the shoreless +azure sea, all covered with a fine rippling of golden scales, and +over-head an equally shoreless azure sea, and in it, triumphantly and, +as it were, smilingly, rolled on the friendly sun. + +And among us, from time to time, there arose laughter, ringing and +joyous as the laughter of the gods! + +Or suddenly, from some one's lips, flew forth words, verses replete with +wondrous beauty and with inspired power ... so that it seemed as though +the very sky resounded in reply to them, and round about the sea +throbbed with sympathy.... And then blissful silence began again. + +Diving lightly through the soft waves, our swift boat glided on. It was +not propelled by the breeze; it was ruled by our own sportive hearts. +Whithersoever we wished, thither did it move, obediently, as though it +were gifted with life. + +We encountered islands, magical, half-transparent islands with the hues +of precious stones, jacinths and emeralds. Intoxicating perfumes were +wafted from the surrounding shores; some of these islands pelted us with +a rain of white roses and lilies-of-the-valley; from others there rose +up suddenly long-winged birds, clothed in rainbow hues. + +The birds circled over our heads, the lilies and roses melted in the +pearly foam, which slipped along the smooth sides of our craft. + +In company with the flowers and the birds, sweet, sweet sounds were +wafted to our ears.... We seemed to hear women's voices in them.... And +everything round about,--the sky, the sea, the bellying of the sail up +aloft, the purling of the waves at the stern,--everything spoke of love, +of blissful love. + +And she whom each one of us loved--she was there ... invisibly and near +at hand. Yet another moment and lo! her eyes would beam forth, her smile +would blossom out.... Her hand would grasp thy hand, and draw thee after +her into an unfading paradise! + +O azure realm! I have beheld thee ... in my dream! + +June, 1878. + + + + +TWO RICH MEN + + +When men in my presence extol Rothschild, who out of his vast revenues +allots whole thousands for the education of children, the cure of the +sick, the care of the aged, I laud and melt in admiration. + +But while I laud and melt I cannot refrain from recalling a +poverty-stricken peasant's family which received an orphaned niece into +its wretched, tumble-down little hovel. + +"If we take Katka," said the peasant-woman; "we shall spend our last +kopeks on her, and there will be nothing left wherewith to buy salt for +our porridge." + +"But we will take her ... and unsalted porridge," replied the +peasant-man, her husband. + +Rothschild is a long way behind that peasant-man! + +July, 1878. + + + + +THE OLD MAN + + +The dark, distressing days have come.... + +One's own maladies, the ailments of those dear to him, cold and the +gloom of old age. Everything which thou hast loved, to which thou hast +surrendered thyself irrevocably, collapses and falls into ruins. The +road has taken a turn down hill. + +But what is to be done? Grieve? Lament? Thou wilt help neither thyself +nor others in that way.... + +On the withered, bent tree the foliage is smaller, more scanty--but the +verdure is the same as ever. + +Do thou also shrivel up, retire into thyself, into thy memories, and +there, deep, very deep within, at the very bottom of thy concentrated +soul, thy previous life, accessible to thee alone, will shine forth +before thee with its fragrant, still fresh verdure, and the caress and +strength of the springtime! + +But have a care ... do not look ahead, poor old man! + +July, 1878. + + + + +THE CORRESPONDENT + + +Two friends are sitting at a table and drinking tea. + +A sudden noise has arisen in the street. Plaintive moans, violent oaths, +outbursts of malicious laughter have become audible. + +"Some one is being beaten," remarked one of the friends, after having +cast a glance out of the window. + +"A criminal? A murderer?" inquired the other.--"See here, no matter who +it is, such chastisement without trial is not to be tolerated. Let us go +and defend him." + +"But it is not a murderer who is being beaten." + +"Not a murderer? A thief, then? Never mind, let us go, let us rescue him +from the mob." + +"It is not a thief, either." + +"Not a thief? Is it, then, a cashier, a railway employee, an army +contractor, a Russian Maecenas, a lawyer, a well-intentioned editor, a +public philanthropist?... At any rate, let us go, let us aid him!" + +"No ... they are thrashing a correspondent." + +"A correspondent?--Well, see here now, let's drink a glass of tea +first." + +July, 1878. + + + + +TWO BROTHERS + + +It was a vision.... + +Two angels presented themselves before me ... two spirits. + +I say angels ... spirits, because neither of them had any garments on +their naked bodies, and from the shoulders of both sprang long, powerful +wings. + +Both are youths. One is rather plump, smooth of skin, with black curls. +He has languishing brown eyes with thick eyelashes; his gaze is +ingratiating, cheerful, and eager. A charming, captivating countenance a +trifle bold, a trifle malicious. His full red lips tremble slightly. The +youth smiles like one who has authority,--confidently and lazily; a +sumptuous garland of flowers rests lightly on his shining hair, almost +touching his velvet eyebrows. The spotted skin of a leopard, pinned with +a golden dart, hangs lightly from his plump shoulders down upon his +curving hips. The feathers of his wings gleam with changeable tints of +rose-colour; their tips are of a brilliant red, just as though they had +been dipped in fresh, crimson blood. From time to time they palpitate +swiftly, with a pleasant silvery sound, the sound of rain in springtime. + +The other is gaunt and yellow of body. His ribs are faintly discernible +at every breath. His hair is fair, thin, straight; his eyes are huge, +round, pale grey in colour ... his gaze is uneasy and strangely bright. +All his features are sharp-cut: his mouth is small, half open, with +fish-like teeth; his nose is solid, aquiline; his chin projecting, +covered with a whitish down. Those thin lips have never once smiled. + +It is a regular, terrible, pitiless face! Moreover, the face of the +first youth,--of the beauty,--although it is sweet and charming, does +not express any compassion either. Around the head of the second are +fastened a few empty, broken ears of grain intertwined with withered +blades of grass. A coarse grey fabric encircles his loins; the wings at +his back, of a dull, dark-blue colour, wave softly and menacingly. + +Both youths appeared to be inseparable companions. + +Each leaned on the other's shoulder. The soft little hand of the first +rested like a cluster of grapes on the harsh collar-bone of the second; +the slender, bony hand of the second, with its long, thin fingers, lay +outspread, like a serpent, on the womanish breast of the first. + +And I heard a voice. This is what it uttered: + +"Before thee stand Love and Hunger---own brothers, the two fundamental +bases of everything living. + +"Everything which lives moves, for the purpose of obtaining food; and +eats, for the purpose of reproducing itself. + +"Love and Hunger have one and the same object; it is necessary that life +should not cease,--one's own life and the life of others are the same +thing, the universal life." + +August, 1878. + + + + +THE EGOIST + + +He possessed everything which was requisite to make him the scourge of +his family. + +He had been born healthy, he had been born rich--and during the whole +course of his long life he had remained rich and healthy; he had never +committed a single crime; he had never stumbled into any blunder; he had +not made a single slip of the tongue or mistake. + +He was irreproachably honest!... And proud in the consciousness of his +honesty, he crushed every one with it: relatives, friends, and +acquaintances. + +His honesty was his capital ... and he exacted usurious interest from +it. + +Honesty gave him the right to be pitiless and not to do any good deed +which was not prescribed;--and he was pitiless, and he did no good ... +because good except by decree is not good. + +He never troubled himself about any one, except his own very exemplary +self, and he was genuinely indignant if others did not take equally +assiduous care of it! + +And, at the same time, he did not consider himself an egoist, and +upbraided and persecuted egoists and egoism more than anything +else!--Of course! Egoism in other people interfered with his own. + +Not being conscious of a single failing, he did not understand, he did +not permit, a weakness in any one else. Altogether, he did not +understand anybody or anything, for he was completely surrounded by +himself on all sides, above and below, behind and before. + +He did not even understand the meaning of forgiveness. He never had had +occasion to forgive himself.... Then how was he to forgive others? + +Before the bar of his own conscience, before the face of his own God, +he, that marvel, that monster of virtue, rolled up his eyes, and in a +firm, clear voice uttered: "Yes; I am a worthy, a moral man!" + +He repeated these words on his death-bed, and nothing quivered even then +in his stony heart,--in that heart devoid of a fleck or a crack. + +O monstrosity of self-satisfied, inflexible, cheaply-acquired +virtue--thou art almost more repulsive than the undisguised monstrosity +of vice! + +December, 1878. + + + + +THE SUPREME BEING'S FEAST + + +One day the Supreme Being took it into his head to give a great feast in +his azure palace. + +He invited all the virtues as guests. Only the virtues ... he invited no +men ... only ladies. + +Very many of them assembled, great and small. The petty virtues were +more agreeable and courteous than the great ones; but all seemed well +pleased, and chatted politely among themselves, as befits near relatives +and friends. + +But lo! the Supreme Being noticed two very beautiful ladies who, +apparently, were entirely unacquainted with each other. + +The host took one of these ladies by the hand and led her to the other. + +"Beneficence!" said he, pointing to the first. + +"Gratitude!" he added, pointing to the second. + +The two virtues were unspeakably astonished; ever since the world has +existed--and it has existed a long time--they had never met before. + +December, 1878. + + + + +THE SPHINX + + +Yellowish-grey, friable at the top, firm below, creaking sand ... sand +without end, no matter in which direction one gazes! + +And above this sand, above this sea of dead dust, the huge head of the +Egyptian Sphinx rears itself aloft. + +What is it that those vast, protruding lips, those impassively-dilated, +up-turned nostrils, and those eyes, those long, half-sleepy, +half-watchful eyes, beneath the double arch of the lofty brows, are +trying to say? + +For they are trying to say something! They even speak--but only +[Oe]dipus can solve the riddle and understand their mute speech. + +Bah! Yes, I recognise those features ... there is nothing Egyptian about +the low white forehead, the prominent cheek-bones, the short, straight +nose, the fine mouth with its white teeth, the soft moustache and +curling beard,--and those small eyes set far apart ... and on the head +the cap of hair furrowed with a parting.... Why, it is thou, Karp, +Sidor, Semyon, thou petty peasant of Yaroslavl, or of Ryazan, my +fellow-countryman, the kernel of Russia! Is it long since thou didst +become the Sphinx? + +Or dost thou also wish to say something? Yes; and thou also art a +Sphinx. + +And thy eyes--those colourless but profound eyes--speak also.... And +their speeches are equally dumb and enigmatic. + +Only where is thine [Oe]dipus? + +Alas! 'Tis not sufficient to don a cap to become thine [Oe]dipus, O +Sphinx of All the Russias! + +December, 1878. + + + + +NYMPHS + + +I was standing in front of a chain of beautiful mountains spread out in +a semi-circle; the young, verdant forest clothed them from summit to +base. The southern sky hung transparently blue above us; on high the sun +beamed radiantly; below, half hidden in the grass, nimble brooks were +babbling. + +And there recurred to my mind an ancient legend about how, in the first +century after the birth of Christ, a Grecian ship was sailing over the +Aegean Sea. + +It was midday.... The weather was calm. And suddenly, high up, over the +head of the helmsman, some one uttered distinctly: "When thou shalt sail +past the islands, cry in a loud voice, 'Great Pan is dead!'" + +The helmsman was amazed ... and frightened. But when the ship ran past +the islands he called out: "Great Pan is dead!" + +And thereupon, immediately, in answer to his shout, along the whole +length of the shore (for the island was uninhabited), there resounded +loud sobbing groans, prolonged wailing cries: "He is dead! Great Pan is +dead!" + +This legend recurred to my mind ... and a strange thought flashed across +my brain.--"What if I were to shout that call?" + +But in view of the exultation which surrounded me I could not think of +death, and with all the force at my command I shouted: "He is risen! +Great Pan is risen!" + +And instantly,--oh, marvel!--in reply to my exclamation, along the whole +wide semi-circle of verdant mountains there rolled a vigorous laughter, +there arose a joyous chattering and splashing. "He is risen! Pan is +risen!" rustled youthful voices.--Everything there in front of me +suddenly broke into laughter more brilliant than the sun on high, more +sportive than the brooks which were babbling beneath the grass. The +hurried tramp of light footsteps became audible; athwart the green grove +flitted the marble whiteness of waving tunics, the vivid scarlet of +naked bodies.... It was nymphs, nymphs, dryads, bacchantes, running down +from the heights into the plain.... + +They made their appearance simultaneously along all the borders of the +forest. Curls fluttered on divine heads, graceful arms uplifted garlands +and cymbals, and laughter, sparkling, Olympian laughter, rippled and +rolled among them.... + +In front floats a goddess. She is taller and handsomer than all the +rest;--on her shoulders is a quiver; in her hands is a bow; upon her +curls, caught high, is the silvery sickle of the moon.... + +Diana, is it thou? + +But suddenly the goddess halted ... and immediately, following her +example, all the nymphs came to a halt also. The ringing laughter died +away. I saw how the face of the goddess, suddenly rendered dumb, became +covered with a deathly pallor; I saw how her feet grew petrified, how +inexpressible terror parted her lips, strained wide her eyes, which were +fixed on the remote distance.... What had she descried? Where was she +gazing? + +I turned in the direction in which she was gazing.... + +At the very edge of the sky, beyond the low line of the fields, a golden +cross was blazing like a spark of fire on the white belfry of a +Christian church.... The goddess had caught sight of that cross. + +I heard behind me a long, uneven sigh, like the throbbing of a broken +harp-string,--and when I turned round again, no trace of the nymphs +remained.... The broad forest gleamed green as before, and only in +spots, athwart the close network of the branches, could tufts of +something white be seen melting away. Whether these were the tunics of +the nymphs, or a vapour was rising up from the bottom of the valley, I +know not. + +But how I regretted the vanished goddesses! + +December, 1878. + + + + +ENEMY AND FRIEND + + +A captive condemned to perpetual incarceration broke out of prison and +started to run at a headlong pace.... After him, on his very heels, +darted the pursuit. + +He ran with all his might.... His pursuers began to fall behind. + +But lo! in front of him was a river with steep banks,--a narrow, but +deep river.... And he did not know how to swim! + +From one shore to the other a thin, rotten board had been thrown. The +fugitive had already set foot upon it.... But it so happened that just +at this point, beside the river, his best friend and his most cruel +enemy were standing. + +The enemy said nothing and merely folded his arms; on the other hand, +the friend shouted at the top of his voice:--"Good heavens! What art +thou doing? Come to thy senses, thou madman! Dost thou not see that +the board is completely rotten?--It will break beneath thy weight, and +thou wilt infallibly perish!" + +"But there is no other way of crossing ... and hearest thou the +pursuit?" groaned in desperation the unhappy wight, as he stepped upon +the board. + +"I will not permit it!... No, I will not permit thee to perish!"--roared +his zealous friend, snatching the plank from beneath the feet of the +fugitive.--The latter instantly tumbled headlong into the tumultuous +waters--and was drowned. + +The enemy smiled with satisfaction, and went his way; but the friend sat +down on the shore and began to weep bitterly over his poor ... poor +friend! + +"He would not heed me! He would not heed me!" he whispered dejectedly. + +"However!" he said at last. "He would have been obliged to languish all +his life in that frightful prison! At all events, he is not suffering +now! Now he is better off! Evidently, so had his Fate decreed! + +"And yet, it is a pity, from a human point of view!" + +And the good soul continued to sob inconsolably over his unlucky friend. + +December, 1878. + + + + +CHRIST + + +I saw myself as a youth, almost a little boy, in a low-ceiled country +church.--Slender wax tapers burned like red spots in front of the +ancient holy pictures. + +An aureole of rainbow hues encircled each tiny flame.--It was dark and +dim in the church.... But a mass of people stood in front of me. + +All reddish, peasant heads. From time to time they would begin to surge, +to fall, to rise again, like ripe ears of grain when the summer breeze +flits across them in a slow wave. + +Suddenly some man or other stepped from behind and took up his stand +alongside me. + +I did not turn toward him, but I immediately felt that that man +was--Christ. + +Emotion, curiosity, awe took possession of me simultaneously. I forced +myself to look at my neighbour. + +He had a face like that of everybody else,--a face similar to all human +faces. His eyes gazed slightly upward, attentively and gently. His lips +were closed, but not compressed; the upper lip seemed to rest upon the +lower; his small beard was parted in the middle. His hands were clasped, +and did not move. And his garments were like those of every one else. + +"Christ, forsooth!" I thought to myself. "Such a simple, simple man! It +cannot be!" + +I turned away.--But before I had time to turn my eyes from that simple +man it again seemed to me that it was Christ in person who was standing +beside me. + +Again I exerted an effort over myself.... And again I beheld the same +face, resembling all human faces, the same ordinary, although +unfamiliar, features. + +And suddenly dread fell upon me, and I came to myself. Only then did I +understand that precisely such a face--a face like all human faces--is +the face of Christ. + +December, 1878. + + + + + +II + +1879-1882 + + + + +THE STONE + + +Have you seen an old, old stone on the seashore, when the brisk waves +are beating upon it from all sides, at high tide, on a sunny spring +day--beating and sparkling and caressing it, and drenching its mossy +head with crumbling pearls of glittering foam? + +The stone remains the same stone, but brilliant colours start forth upon +its surly exterior. + +They bear witness to that distant time when the molten granite was only +just beginning to harden and was all glowing with fiery hues. + +Thus also did young feminine souls recently attack my old heart from all +quarters,--and beneath their caressing touch it glowed once more with +colours which faded long ago,--with traces of its pristine fire! + +The waves have retreated ... but the colours have not yet grown dim, +although a keen breeze is drying them. + +May, 1879. + + + + +DOVES + + +I was standing on the crest of a sloping hill; in front of me lay +outspread, and motley of hue, the ripe rye, now like a golden, again +like a silvery sea. + +But no surge was coursing across this sea; no sultry breeze was blowing; +a great thunder-storm was brewing. + +Round about me the sun was still shining hotly and dimly; but in the +distance, beyond the rye, not too far away, a dark-blue thunder-cloud +lay in a heavy mass over one half of the horizon. + +Everything was holding its breath ... everything was languishing beneath +the ominous gleam of the sun's last rays. Not a single bird was to be +seen or heard; even the sparrows had hidden themselves. Only somewhere, +close at hand, a solitary huge leaf of burdock was whispering and +flapping. + +How strongly the wormwood on the border-strips[75] smells! I glanced at +the blue mass ... and confusion ensued in my soul. "Well, be quick, +then, be quick!" I thought. "Flash out, ye golden serpent! Rumble, ye +thunder! Move on, advance, discharge thy water, thou evil thunder-cloud; +put an end to this painful torment!" + +But the storm-cloud did not stir. As before, it continued to crush the +dumb earth ... and seemed merely to wax larger and darker. + +And lo! through its bluish monotony there flashed something smooth and +even; precisely like a white handkerchief, or a snowball. It was a white +dove flying from the direction of the village. + +It flew, and flew onward, always straight onward ... and vanished behind +the forest. + +Several moments passed--the same cruel silence still reigned.... But +behold! Now _two_ handkerchiefs are fluttering, _two_ snowballs are +floating back; it is _two_ white doves wending their way homeward in +even flight. + +And now, at last, the storm has broken loose--and the fun begins! + +I could hardly reach home.--The wind shrieked and darted about like a +mad thing; low-hanging rusty-hued clouds swirled onward, as though rent +in bits; everything whirled, got mixed up, lashed and rocked with the +slanting columns of the furious downpour; the lightning flashes blinded +with their fiery green hue; abrupt claps of thunder were discharged like +cannon; there was a smell of sulphur.... + +But under the eaves, on the very edge of a garret window, side by side +sit the two white doves,--the one which flew after its companion, and +the one which it brought and, perhaps, saved. + +Both have ruffled up their plumage, and each feels with its wing the +wing of its neighbour.... + +It is well with them! And it is well with me as I gaze at them.... +Although I am alone ... alone, as always. + +May, 1879. + + + + +TO-MORROW! TO-MORROW! + + +How empty, and insipid, and insignificant is almost every day which we +have lived through! How few traces it leaves behind it! In what a +thoughtlessly-stupid manner have those hours flown past, one after +another! + +And, nevertheless, man desires to exist; he prizes life, he hopes in it, +in himself, in the future.... Oh, what blessings he expects from the +future! + +And why does he imagine that other future days will not resemble the one +which has just passed? + +But he does not imagine this. On the whole, he is not fond of +thinking--and it is well that he does not. + +"There, now, to-morrow, to-morrow!" he comforts himself--until that +"to-morrow" over-throws him into the grave. + +Well--and once in the grave,--one ceases, willy-nilly, to think. + +May, 1879. + + + + +NATURE + + +I dreamed that I had entered a vast subterranean chamber with a lofty, +arched roof. It was completely filled by some sort of even light, also +subterranean. + +In the very centre of the chamber sat a majestic woman in a flowing robe +green in hue. With her head bowed on her hand, she seemed to be immersed +in profound meditation. + +I immediately understood that this woman was Nature itself,--and +reverent awe pierced my soul with an instantaneous chill. + +I approached the seated woman, and making a respectful obeisance, "O our +common mother," I exclaimed, "what is the subject of thy meditation? Art +thou pondering the future destinies of mankind? As to how it is to +attain the utmost possible perfection and bliss?" + +The woman slowly turned her dark, lowering eyes upon me. Her lips moved, +and a stentorian voice, like unto the clanging of iron, rang out: + +"I am thinking how I may impart more power to the muscles in the legs of +a flea, so that it may more readily escape from its enemies. The +equilibrium of attack and defence has been destroyed.... It must be +restored." + +"What!" I stammered, in reply.--"So that is what thou art thinking +about? But are not we men thy favourite children?" + +The woman knit her brows almost imperceptibly.--"All creatures are my +children," she said, "and I look after all of them alike,--and I +annihilate them in identically the same way." + +"But good ... reason ... justice...." I stammered again. + +"Those are the words of men," rang out the iron voice. "I know neither +good nor evil.... Reason is no law to me--and what is justice?--I have +given thee life,--I take it away and give it to others; whether worms or +men ... it makes no difference to me.... But in the meantime, do thou +defend thyself, and hinder me not!" + +I was about to answer ... but the earth round about me uttered a dull +groan and trembled--and I awoke. + +August, 1879. + + + + +"HANG HIM!" + + +"It happened in the year 1803," began my old friend, "not long before +Austerlitz. The regiment of which I was an officer was quartered in +Moravia. + +"We were strictly forbidden to harry and oppress the inhabitants; and +they looked askance on us as it was, although we were regarded as +allies. + +"I had an orderly, a former serf of my mother's, Egor by name. He was an +honest and peaceable fellow; I had known him from his childhood and +treated him like a friend. + +"One day, in the house where I dwelt, abusive shrieks and howls arose: +the housewife had been robbed of two hens, and she accused my orderly of +the theft. He denied it, and called upon me to bear witness whether 'he, +Egor Avtamonoff, would steal!' I assured the housewife of Egor's +honesty, but she would listen to nothing. + +"Suddenly the energetic trampling of horses' hoofs resounded along the +street: it was the Commander-in-Chief himself riding by with his staff. +He was proceeding at a foot-pace,--a fat, pot-bellied man, with drooping +head and epaulets dangling on his breast. + +"The housewife caught sight of him, and flinging herself across his +horse's path, she fell on her knees and, all distraught, with head +uncovered, began loudly to complain of my orderly, pointing to him with +her hand: + +"'Sir General!' she shrieked. 'Your Radiance! Judge! Help! Save! This +soldier has robbed me!' + +"Egor was standing on the threshold of the house, drawn up in military +salute, with his cap in his hand,--and had even protruded his breast and +turned out his feet, like a sentry,--and not a word did he utter! +Whether he was daunted by all that mass of generals halting there in the +middle of the street, or whether he was petrified in the presence of the +calamity which had overtaken him,--at any rate, there stood my Egor +blinking his eyes, and white as clay! + +"The Commander-in-Chief cast an abstracted and surly glance at him, +bellowing wrathfully: 'Well, what hast thou to say?'.... Egor stood like +a statue and showed his teeth! If looked at in profile, it was exactly +as though the man were laughing. + +"Then the Commander-in-Chief said abruptly: 'Hang him!'--gave his horse +a dig in the ribs and rode on, first at a foot-pace, as before, then at +a brisk trot. The whole staff dashed after him; only one adjutant, +turning round in his saddle, took a close look at Egor. + +"It was impossible to disobey.... Egor was instantly seized and led to +execution. + +"Thereupon he turned deadly pale, and only exclaimed a couple of times, +with difficulty, 'Good heavens! Good heavens!'--and then, in a low +voice--'God sees it was not I!' + +"He wept bitterly, very bitterly, as he bade me farewell. I was in +despair.--'Egor! Egor!' I cried, 'why didst thou say nothing to the +general?' + +"'God sees it was not I,' repeated the poor fellow, sobbing.--The +housewife herself was horrified. She had not in the least expected such +a dreadful verdict, and fell to shrieking in her turn. She began to +entreat each and all to spare him, she declared that her hens had been +found, that she was prepared to explain everything herself.... + +"Of course, this was of no use whatsoever. Military regulations, sir! +Discipline!--The housewife sobbed more and more loudly. + +"Egor, whom the priest had already confessed and communicated, turned to +me: + +"'Tell her, Your Well-Born, that she must not do herself an injury.... +For I have already forgiven her.'" + +As my friend repeated these last words of his servant, he whispered: +"Egorushka[76] darling, just man!"--and the tears dripped down his aged +cheeks. + +August, 1879. + + + + +WHAT SHALL I THINK?... + + +What shall I think when I come to die,--if I am then in a condition to +think? + +Shall I think what a bad use I have made of my life, how I have dozed +it through, how I have not known how to relish its gifts? + +"What? Is this death already? So soon? Impossible! Why, I have not +succeeded in accomplishing anything yet.... I have only been preparing +to act!" + +Shall I recall the past, pause over the thought of the few bright +moments I have lived through, over beloved images and faces? + +Will my evil deeds present themselves before my memory, and will the +corrosive grief of a belated repentance descend upon my soul? + +Shall I think of what awaits me beyond the grave ... yes, and whether +anything at all awaits me there? + +No ... it seems to me that I shall try not to think, and shall compel my +mind to busy itself with some nonsense or other, if only to divert my +own attention from the menacing darkness which looms up black ahead. + +In my presence one dying person kept complaining that they would not +give him red-hot nuts to gnaw ... and only in the depths of his dimming +eyes was there throbbing and palpitating something, like the wing of a +bird wounded unto death.... + +August, 1879. + + + + +"HOW FAIR, HOW FRESH WERE THE ROSES" + + +Somewhere, some time, long, long ago, I read a poem. I speedily forgot +it ... but its first line lingered in my memory: + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +It is winter now; the window-panes are coated with ice; in the warm +chamber a single candle is burning. I am sitting curled up in one +corner; and in my brain there rings and rings: + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +And I behold myself in front of the low window of a Russian house in the +suburbs. The summer evening is melting and merging into night, there is +a scent of mignonette and linden-blossoms abroad in the warm air;--and +in the window, propped on a stiffened arm, and with her head bent on her +shoulder, sits a young girl, gazing mutely and intently at the sky, as +though watching for the appearance of the first stars. How ingenuously +inspired are the thoughtful eyes; how touchingly innocent are the +parted, questioning lips; how evenly breathes her bosom, not yet fully +developed and still unagitated by anything; how pure and tender are the +lines of the young face! I do not dare to address her, but how dear she +is to me, how violently my heart beats! + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +And in the room everything grows darker and darker.... The candle which +has burned low begins to flicker; white shadows waver across the low +ceiling; the frost creaks and snarls beyond the wall--and I seem to hear +a tedious, senile whisper: + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +Other images rise up before me.... I hear the merry murmur of family, of +country life. Two red-gold little heads, leaning against each other, +gaze bravely at me with their bright eyes; the red cheeks quiver with +suppressed laughter; their hands are affectionately intertwined; their +young, kind voices ring out, vying with each other; and a little further +away, in the depths of a snug room, other hands, also young, are flying +about, with fingers entangled, over the keys of a poor little old piano, +and the Lanner waltz cannot drown the grumbling of the patriarchal +samovar.... + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses...." + +The candle flares up and dies out.... Who is that coughing yonder so +hoarsely and dully? Curled up in a ring, my aged dog, my sole companion, +is nestling and quivering at my feet.... I feel cold.... I am shivering +... and they are all dead ... all dead.... + +"How fair, how fresh were the roses." + +Septembers 1879. + + + + +A SEA VOYAGE + + +I sailed from Hamburg to London on a small steamer. There were two of us +passengers: I and a tiny monkey, a female of the ouistiti breed, which a +Hamburg merchant was sending as a gift to his English partner. + +She was attached by a slender chain to one of the benches on the deck, +and threw herself about and squeaked plaintively, like a bird. + +Every time I walked past she stretched out to me her black, cold little +hand, and gazed at me with her mournful, almost human little eyes.--I +took her hand, and she ceased to squeak and fling herself about. + +There was a dead calm. The sea spread out around us in a motionless +mirror of leaden hue. It seemed small; a dense fog lay over it, +shrouding even the tips of the masts, and blinding and wearying the eyes +with its soft gloom. The sun hung like a dim red spot in this gloom; but +just before evening it became all aflame and glowed mysteriously and +strangely scarlet. + +Long, straight folds, like the folds of heavy silken fabrics, flowed +away from the bow of the steamer, one after another, growing ever wider, +wrinkling and broadening, becoming smoother at last, swaying and +vanishing. The churned foam swirled under the monotonous beat of the +paddle-wheels; gleaming white like milk, and hissing faintly, it was +broken up into serpent-like ripples, and then flowed together at a +distance, and vanished likewise, swallowed up in the gloom. + +A small bell at the stern jingled as incessantly and plaintively as the +squeaking cry of the monkey. + +Now and then a seal came to the surface, and turning an abrupt +somersault, darted off beneath the barely-disturbed surface. + +And the captain, a taciturn man with a surly, sunburned face, smoked a +short pipe and spat angrily into the sea, congealed in impassivity. + +To all my questions he replied with an abrupt growl. I was compelled, +willy-nilly, to have recourse to my solitary fellow-traveller--the +monkey. + +I sat down beside her; she ceased to whine, and again stretched out her +hand to me. + +The motionless fog enveloped us both with a soporific humidity; and +equally immersed in one unconscious thought, we remained there side by +side, like blood-relatives. + +I smile now ... but then another feeling reigned in me. + +We are all children of one mother--and it pleased me that the poor +little beastie should quiet down so confidingly and nestle up to me, as +though to a relative. + +November, 1879. + + + + +N. N. + + +Gracefully and quietly dost thou walk along the path of life, without +tears and without smiles, barely animated by an indifferent attention. + +Thou art kind and clever ... and everything is alien to thee--and no one +is necessary to thee. + +Thou art very beautiful--and no one can tell whether thou prizest thy +beauty or not.--Thou art devoid of sympathy thyself and demandest no +sympathy. + +Thy gaze is profound, and not thoughtful; emptiness lies in that bright +depth. + +Thus do the stately shades pass by without grief and without joy in the +Elysian Fields, to the dignified sounds of Gluck's melodies. + +November, 1879. + + + + +STAY! + + +Stay! As I now behold thee remain thou evermore in my memory! + +From thy lips the last inspired sound hath burst forth--thine eyes do +not gleam and flash, they are dusky, weighted with happiness, with the +blissful consciousness of that beauty to which thou hast succeeded in +giving expression,--of that beauty in quest of which thou stretchest +forth, as it were, thy triumphant, thine exhausted hands! + +What light, more delicate and pure than the sunlight, hath been diffused +over all thy limbs, over the tiniest folds of thy garments? + +What god, with his caressing inflatus, hath tossed back thy dishevelled +curls? + +His kiss burneth on thy brow, grown pale as marble! + +Here it is--the open secret, the secret of poetry, of life, of love! +Here it is, here it is--immortality! There is no other immortality--and +no other is needed.--At this moment thou art deathless. + +I will pass,--and again thou art a pinch of dust, a woman, a child.... +But what is that to thee!--At this moment thou hast become loftier than +all transitory, temporal things, thou hast stepped out of their +sphere.--This _thy_ moment will never end. + +Stay! And let me be the sharer of thy immortality, drop into my soul the +reflection of thine eternity! + +November, 1879. + + + + +THE MONK + + +I used to know a monk, a hermit, a saint. He lived on the sweetness of +prayer alone,--and as he quaffed it, he knelt so long on the cold floor +of the church that his legs below the knee swelled and became like +posts. He had no sensation in them, he knelt--and prayed. + +I understood him--and, perhaps, I envied him; but let him also +understand me and not condemn me--me, to whom his joys are inaccessible. + +He strove to annihilate himself, his hated _ego_; but the fact that I do +not pray does not arise from self-conceit. + +My ego is, perchance, even more burdensome and repulsive to me than his +is to him. + +He found a means of forgetting himself ... and I find a means to do the +same, but not so constantly. + +He does not lie ... and neither do I lie. + +November, 1879. + + + + +WE SHALL STILL FIGHT ON! + + +What an insignificant trifle can sometimes put the whole man back in +tune! + +Full of thought, I was walking one day along the highway. + +Heavy forebodings oppressed my breast; melancholy seized hold upon me. + +I raised my head.... Before me, between two rows of lofty poplars, the +road stretched out into the distance. + +Across it, across that same road, a whole little family of sparrows was +hopping, hopping boldly, amusingly, confidently! + +One of them in particular fairly set his wings akimbo, thrusting out his +crop, and twittering audaciously, as though the very devil was no match +for him! A conqueror--and that is all there is to be said. + +But in the meantime, high up in the sky, was soaring a hawk who, +possibly, was fated to devour precisely that same conqueror. + +I looked, laughed, shook myself--and the melancholy thoughts instantly +fled. I felt daring, courage, a desire for life. + +And let _my_ hawk soar over _me_ if he will.... + +"We will still fight on, devil take it!" + +November, 1879. + + + + +PRAYER + + +No matter what a man may pray for he is praying for a miracle.--Every +prayer amounts to the following: "Great God, cause that two and two may +not make four." + +Only such a prayer is a genuine prayer from a person to a person. To +pray to the Universal Spirit, to the Supreme Being of Kant, of Hegel--to +a purified, amorphous God, is impossible and unthinkable. + +But can even a personal, living God with a form cause that two and two +shall not make four? + +Every believer is bound to reply, "He can," and is bound to convince +himself of this. + +But what if his reason revolts against such an absurdity? + +In that case Shakspeare will come to his assistance: "There are many +things in the world, friend Horatio...." and so forth. + +And if people retort in the name of truth,--all he has to do is to +repeat the famous question: "What is truth?" + +And therefore, let us drink and be merry--and pray. + +July, 1881. + + + + +THE RUSSIAN LANGUAGE + + +In days of doubt, in days of painful meditations concerning the +destinies of my fatherland, thou alone art my prop and my support, O +great, mighty, just and free Russian language!--Were it not for thee, +how could one fail to fall into despair at the sight of all that goes on +at home?--But it is impossible to believe that such a language was not +bestowed upon a great people! + +June, 1882. + + + + + + +ENDNOTES: + + +[1] See endnote to "Old Portraits," in this volume.--TRANSLATOR. + +[2] The Vigil-service (consisting of Vespers and Matins, or Compline and +Matins) may be celebrated in unconsecrated buildings, and the devout not +infrequently have it, as well as prayer-services, at home.--TRANSLATOR. + +[3] Meaning the odour of the oil which must be used in preparing food, +instead of butter, during the numerous fasts.--TRANSLATOR. + +[4] The custom of thus dressing up as bears, clowns, and so forth, and +visiting all the houses in the neighbourhood, is still kept up in rustic +localities. St. Vasily's (Basil's) day falls on January 1.--TRANSLATOR. + +[5] An arshin is twenty-eight inches.--TRANSLATOR + +[6] A park for popular resort in the suburbs of Moscow.--TRANSLATOR + +[7] Incorrectly written for Poltava.--TRANSLATOR + +[8] The fatter the coachman, the more stylish he is. If he is not fat +naturally, he adds cushions under his coat.--TRANSLATOR. + +[9] That is, to the Trinity monastery of the first class founded by St. +Sergius in 1340. It is situated about forty miles from Moscow, and is +the most famous monastery in the country next to the Catacombs Monastery +at Kieff.--TRANSLATOR. + +[10] Pronounced _Aryol_.--TRANSLATOR. + +[11] Such a sledge, drawn by the national team of three horses, will +hold five or six persons closely packed.--TRANSLATOR. + +[12] The word he used, _mytarstvo_, has a peculiar meaning. It refers +specifically to the experiences of the soul when it leaves the body. +According to the teaching of divers ancient fathers of the church, the +soul, as soon as it leaves the body, is confronted by accusing demons, +who arraign it with all the sins, great and small, which it has +committed during its earthly career. If its good deeds, alms, prayers, +and so forth (added to the grace of God), offset the evil, the demons +are forced to renounce their claims. These demons assault the soul in +relays, each "trial," "suffering," or "tribulation" being a _mytarstvo_. +One ancient authority enumerates twenty such trials. The soul is +accompanied and defended in its trials by angels, who plead its cause. +Eventually, they conduct it into the presence of God, who then assigns +to it a temporary abode of bliss or woe until the day of judgment. The +derivation of this curious and utterly untranslatable word is as +follows: _Mytar_ means a publican or tax-gatherer. As the publicans, +under the Roman sway over the Jews, indulged in various sorts of +violence, abuses, and inhuman conduct, calling every one to strict +account, and even stationing themselves at the city gates to intercept +all who came and went, _mytarstvo_ represents, in general, the taxing or +testing of the soul, which must pay a ransom before it is released from +its trials and preliminary tribulations.--TRANSLATOR. + +[13] A folk-tale narrates how the Tzar Arkhidei obtained his beauteous +bride by the aid of seven brothers called "The Seven Semyons," who were +his peasants. The bride was distant a ten years' journey; but each of +the brothers had a different "trade," by the combined means of which +they were enabled to overcome time and space and get the bride for their +master.--TRANSLATOR. + +[14] The word used in Russian indicates not only that he was a +hereditary noble, but that his nobility was ancient--a matter of some +moment in a country where nobility, both personal and hereditary, can be +won in the service of the state.--TRANSLATOR. + +[15] The change to _thou_ is made to express disrespect.--TRANSLATOR. + +[16] A simple card-game.--TRANSLATOR. + +[17] The word used is _popadya_, the feminine form of _pop(e)_, or +priest. _Svyashtchennik_ is, however, more commonly used for priest. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[18] June 29 (O. S.), July 12 (N. S.).--TRANSLATOR. + +[19] In former days the sons of priests generally became priests. It is +still so, in a measure.--TRANSLATOR. + +[20] Therefore, there would be no one to maintain his widow and +daughters, unless some young man could be found to marry one of the +daughters, be ordained, take the parish, and assume the support of the +family.--TRANSLATOR. + +[21] Parish priests (the White Clergy) must marry before they are +ordained sub-deacon, and are not allowed to remarry in the Holy Catholic +Church of the East.--TRANSLATOR. + +[22] A sourish, non-intoxicating beverage, prepared by putting water on +rye meal or the crusts of sour black rye bread and allowing it to +ferment.--TRANSLATOR. + +[23] One of the ancient religious ballads sung by the "wandering +cripples." Joseph (son of Jacob) is called by this appellation, and also +a "tzarevitch," or king's son. For a brief account of these ballads see: +"The Epic Songs of Russia" (Introduction), and Chapter I in "A Survey of +Russian Literature" (I. F. Hapgood). This particular ballad is mentioned +on page 22 of the last-named book.--TRANSLATOR. + +(N.B. This note is placed here because there is no other book in English +where any information whatever can be had concerning these ballads or +this ballad.--I.F.H.) + +[24] Ecclesiastics are regarded as plebeians by the gentry or nobles in +Russia.--TRANSLATOR. + +[25] In the Catholic Church of the East the communion is received +fasting. A little to one side of the priest stands a cleric holding a +platter of blessed bread, cut in small bits, and a porringer of warm +water and wine, which (besides their symbolical significance) are taken +by each communicant after the Holy Elements, in order that there may be +something interposed between the sacrament and ordinary +food.--TRANSLATOR. + +[26] That is, the particle of bread dipped in the wine, which is +placed in the mouth by the priest with the sacramental spoon. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[27] Turgenieff labelled this story and "A Reckless Character," +"Fragments from My Own Memoirs and Those of Other People." In a +foot-note he begs the reader not to mistake the "I" for the author's own +personality, as it was adopted merely for convenience of +narration.--TRANSLATOR. + +[28] The Russian expression is: "A black cat had run between +them."--TRANSLATOR. + +[29] In Russia a partial second story, over the centre, or the centre +and ends of the main story, is called thus.--TRANSLATOR. + +[30] In Russian houses the "hall" is a combined ball-room, music-room, +play-room, and exercising-ground; not the entrance hall.--TRANSLATOR. + +[31] We should call such a watch a "turnip."--TRANSLATOR. + +[32] The author is slightly sarcastic in the name he has chosen for this +family, which is derived from _telyega_, a peasant-cart.--TRANSLATOR. + +[33] St. Petersburg.--TRANSLATOR. + +[34] Both these are bad omens, according to superstitious +Russians.--TRANSLATOR. + +[35] Priests and monks in Russia wear their hair and beards long to +resemble the pictures of Christ. Missionaries in foreign lands are +permitted to conform to the custom of the country and cut it +short.--TRANSLATOR. + +[36] "Had been educated on copper coins" is the Russian expression. That +is, had received a cheap education.--TRANSLATOR. + +[37] The nickname generally applied by the Little Russians to the Great +Russians.--TRANSLATOR. + +[38] The racing-drozhky is frequently used in the country. It consists +of a plank, without springs, mounted on four small wheels of equal size. +The driver sits flat on the plank, which may or may not be +upholstered.--TRANSLATOR. + +[39] The baptismal cross.--TRANSLATOR. + +[40] The bath-besom is made of birch-twigs with the leaves attached, and +is soaked in hot water (or in beer) to keep it soft. The massage +administered with the besom is delightful. The peasants often use besoms +of nettles, as a luxury. The shredded linden bark is used as a +sponge.--TRANSLATOR. + +[41] The great manoeuvre plain, near which the Moscow garrison is +lodged, in the vicinity of Petrovsky Park and Palace. Here the disaster +took place during the coronation festivities of the present +Emperor.--TRANSLATOR. + +[42] It is very rarely that a bishop performs the marriage ceremony. All +bishops are monks; and monks are not supposed to perform ceremonies +connected with the things which they have renounced. The exceptions are +when monks are appointed parish priests (as in some of the American +parishes, for instance), and, therefore, must fulfil the obligations of +a married parish priest; or when the chaplain-monk on war-ships is +called upon, at times, to minister to scattered Orthodox, in a port +which has no settled priest.--TRANSLATOR. + +[43] The Order of St. George, with its black and orange ribbon, must be +won by great personal bravery--like the Victoria Cross.--TRANSLATOR. + +[44] Head of the Secret Service under Alexander I.--TRANSLATOR. + +[45] That is, living too long.--TRANSLATOR. + +[46] _Sukhoy_, dry; _Sukhikh_, genitive plural (proper names are +declinable), meaning, "one of the Sukhoys."--TRANSLATOR. + +[47] The third from the top in the Table of Ranks instituted by Peter +the Great.--TRANSLATOR. + +[48] Corresponding, in a measure, to an American State.--TRANSLATOR. + +[49] The Great Russians' scornful nickname for a Little +Russian.--TRANSLATOR. + +[50] Each coachman has his own pair or troika of horses to attend to, +and has nothing to do with any other horses which may be in the +stable.--TRANSLATOR. + +[51] Yakoff (James) Daniel Bruce, a Russian engineer, of Scottish +extraction, born in Moscow, 1670, became Grand Master of the Artillery +in 1711, and died in 1735.--TRANSLATOR. + +[52] The great cathedral in commemoration of the Russian triumph in +the war of 1812, which was begun in 1837, and completed in 1883. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[53] _Nyemetz_, "the dumb one," meaning any one unable to speak Russian +(hence, any foreigner), is the specific word for a German.--TRANSLATOR. + +[54] Short for Nizhni Novgorod.--TRANSLATOR. + +[55] The famous letter from the heroine, Tatyana, to the hero, Evgeny +Onyegin, in Pushkin's celebrated poem. The music to the opera of the +same name, which has this poem for its basis, is by Tchaikovsky. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[56] Advertisements of theatres, concerts, and amusements in general, +are not published in the daily papers, but in an _affiche_, printed +every morning, for which a separate subscription is necessary. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[57] M. E. Saltikoff wrote his famous satires under the name of +Shtchedrin.--TRANSLATOR. + +[58] The Little Russians (among other peculiarities of pronunciation +attached to their dialect) use the guttural instead of the clear +_i_.--TRANSLATOR. + +[59] A bishop or priest in the Russian Church is not supposed to speak +loudly, no matter how fine a voice he may possess. The deacon, on the +contrary, or the proto-deacon (attached to a cathedral) is supposed to +have a huge voice, and, especially at certain points, to roar at the top +of his lungs. He sometimes cracks his voice--which is what the +sympathetic neighbour was hinting at here.--TRANSLATOR. + +[60] An image, or holy picture, is _obraz_; the adjective "cultured" is +derived from the same word in its sense of pattern, model--_obrazovanny_. +--TRANSLATOR. + +[61] Ostrovsky's comedies of life in the merchant class are irresistibly +amusing, talented, and true to nature.--TRANSLATOR. + +[62] Turgenieff probably means Grusha (another form for the diminutive +of Agrippina, in Russian Agrafenya). The play is "Live as You +Can."--TRANSLATOR. + +[63] A full gown gathered into a narrow band just under the armpits and +suspended over the shoulders by straps of the same.--TRANSLATOR. + +[64] The eighth from the top in the Table of Ranks won by service to the +state, which Peter the Great instituted. A sufficiently high grade in +that table confers hereditary nobility; the lower grades carry only +personal nobility.--TRANSLATOR. + +[65] The long Tatar coat, with large sleeves, and flaring, bias +skirts.---TRANSLATOR. + +[66] See note on page 24.--TRANSLATOR. + +[67] Diminutives of Yakoff, implying great affection.--TRANSLATOR. + +[68] Mikhail Stasiulevitch.--TRANSLATOR. + +[69] The favourite decoration in rustic architecture.--TRANSLATOR. + +[70] These lines do not rhyme in the original.--TRANSLATOR. + +[71] "The white-handed man" would be the literal +translation.--TRANSLATOR. + +[72] The pretty name for what we call mullein.--TRANSLATOR. + +[73] That is, made without meat.--TRANSLATOR. + +[74] The ideal bearing in church is described as standing "like a +candle"; that is, very straight and motionless.--TRANSLATOR. + +[75] Strips of grass left as boundaries between the tilled fields +allotted to different peasants.--TRANSLATOR. + +[76] The affectionate diminutive.--TRANSLATOR. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Reckless Character, by Ivan Turgenev + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A RECKLESS CHARACTER *** + +***** This file should be named 15994.txt or 15994.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/5/9/9/15994/ + +Produced by Dave Kline, Tapio Riikonen and PG Distributed Proofreaders + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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