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diff --git a/15779-8.txt b/15779-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e486145 --- /dev/null +++ b/15779-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,13717 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Joanna Godden, by Sheila Kaye-Smith + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Joanna Godden + +Author: Sheila Kaye-Smith + +Release Date: May 7, 2005 [EBook #15779] +[Last updated: November 4, 2011] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOANNA GODDEN *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Louise Pryor and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +JOANNA GODDEN + + +by + +Sheila Kaye-Smith + + +1921 + + + + +To + +W.L. GEORGE + + + + +CONTENTS + + +PART I SHEPHERD'S HEY + +PART II FIRST LOVE + +PART III THE LITTLE SISTER + +PART IV LAST LOVE + + + + + +NOTE + +_Though local names, both of places and people, have been used in this +story, the author states that no reference is intended to any living +person._ + + + + + + +JOANNA GODDEN + + + + + + +_PART I_ + +SHEPHERD'S HEY + + + + +§1 + +Three marshes spread across the triangle made by the Royal Military +Canal and the coasts of Sussex and Kent. The Military Canal runs from +Hythe to Rye, beside the Military Road; between it and the flat, white +beaches of the Channel lie Romney Marsh, Dunge Marsh and Walland Marsh, +from east to west. Walland Marsh is sectored by the Kent Ditch, which +draws huge, straggling diagrams here, to preserve ancient rights of +parishes and the monks of Canterbury. Dunge Marsh runs up into the apex +of the triangle at Dunge Ness, and adds to itself twenty feet of shingle +every year. Romney Marsh is the sixth continent and the eighth wonder of +the world. + +The three marshes are much alike; indeed to the foreigner they are all a +single spread of green, slatted with watercourses. No river crosses +them, for the Rother curves close under Rye Hill, though these marshes +were made by its ancient mouth, when it was the River Limine and ran +into the Channel at Old Romney. There are a few big watercourses--the +New Sewer, the Yokes Sewer, the White Kemp Sewer--there are a few white +roads, and a great many marsh villages--Brenzett, Ivychurch, Fairfield, +Snargate, Snave--each little more than a church with a farmhouse or two. +Here and there little deserted chapels lie out on the marsh, officeless +since the days of the monks of Canterbury; and everywhere there are +farms, with hundreds of sheep grazing on the thick pastures. + +Little Ansdore Farm was on Walland Marsh, three miles from Rye, and +about midway between the villages of Brodnyx and Pedlinge. It was a sea +farm. There were no hop-gardens, as on the farms inland, no white-cowled +oasts, and scarcely more than twelve acres under the plough. Three +hundred acres of pasture spread round Ansdore, dappled over with the big +Kent sheep--the road from Pedlinge to Brodnyx went through them, curling +and looping and doubling to the demands of the dykes. Just beyond +Pedlinge it turned northward and crossed the South Eastern Railway under +the hills that used to be the coast of England, long ago when the sea +flowed up over the marsh to the walls of Lympne and Rye; then in less +than a mile it had crossed the line again, turning south; for some time +it ran seawards, parallel with the Kent Ditch, then suddenly went off at +right angles and ran straight to the throws where the Woolpack Inn +watches the roads to Lydd and Appledore. + +On a dim afternoon towards the middle of October in the year 1897, a +funeral procession was turning off this road into the drive of Little +Ansdore. The drive was thick with shingle, and the mourning coaches +lurched and rolled in it, spoiling no doubt the decorum of their +occupants. Anyhow, the first two to get out at the farmhouse door had +lost a little of that dignity proper to funerals. A fine young woman of +about twenty-three, dressed handsomely but without much fashion in black +crape and silk, jumped out with a violence that sent her overplumed +black hat to a rakish angle. In one black kid-gloved hand she grasped a +handkerchief with a huge black border, in the other a Prayer Book, so +could not give any help to the little girl of ten who stumbled out after +her, with the result that the child fell flat on the doorstep and cut +her chin. She immediately began to cry. + +"Now be quiet, Ellen," said the elder roughly but not unkindly, as she +helped her up, and stuffing the black-bordered handkerchief into her +pocket, took out the everyday one which she kept for use. "There, wipe +your eyes, and be a stout gal. Don't let all the company see you +crying." + +The last injunction evidently impressed Ellen, for she stopped at once. +Her sister had wiped the grit and the little smear of blood off her +chin, and stood in the doorway holding her hand while one by one the +other carriages drew up and the occupants alighted. Not a word was +spoken till they had all assembled, then the young woman said: "Please +come in and have a cup of tea," and turning on her heel led the way to +the dining-room. + +"Joanna," said little Ellen in a loud whisper, "may I take off my hat?" + +"No, that you mayn't." + +"But the elastic's so tight--it's cutting my chin. Why mayn't I?" + +"You can't till the funeral's over." + +"It is over. They've put father in the ground." + +"It isn't over till we've had tea, and you keep your hat on till it's +over." + +For answer Ellen tore off her pork-pie hat and threw it on the floor. +Immediately Joanna had boxed her unprotected ears, and the head of the +procession was involved in an ignominious scuffle. "You pick up that hat +and put it on," said Joanna, "or you shan't have any nice tea." "You're +a beast! You're a brute," cried Ellen, weeping loudly. Behind them stood +two rows of respectable marsh-dwellers, gazing solemnly ahead as if the +funeral service were still in progress. In their hearts they were +thinking that it was just like Joanna Godden to have a terrification +like this when folk were expected to be serious. In the end Joanna +picked up Ellen's hat, crammed it down ruthlessly on her head, hind part +before, and heaving her up under her arm carried her into the +dining-room. The rest of the company followed, and were ushered into +their places to the accompaniment of Ellen's shrieks, which they +pretended not to hear. + +"Mr. Pratt, will you take the end of the table?" said Joanna to the +scared little clergyman, who would almost have preferred to sit under it +rather than receive the honour which Miss Godden's respect for his cloth +dictated. "Mr. Huxtable, will you sit by me?" Having thus settled her +aristocracy she turned to her equals and allotted places to Vine of +Birdskitchen, Furnese of Misleham, Southland of Yokes Court, and their +wives. "Arthur Alce, you take my left," and a tall young man with red +hair, red whiskers, and a face covered with freckles and tan, came +sidling to her elbow. + +In front of Joanna a servant-girl had just set down a huge black teapot, +which had been stewing on the hob ever since the funeral party had been +sighted crossing the railway line half a mile off. Round it were two +concentric rings of teacups--good old Worcester china, except for a +common three which had been added for number's sake, and which Joanna +carefully bestowed upon herself, Ellen, and Arthur Alce. Ellen had +stopped crying at the sight of the cakes and jam and pots of "relish" +which stretched down the table in orderly lines, so the meal proceeded +according to the decent conventions of silence. Nobody spoke, except to +offer some eatable to somebody else. Joanna saw that no cup or plate was +empty. She ought really to have delegated this duty to another, being +presumably too closely wrapped in grief to think of anybody's appetite +but her own, but Joanna never delegated anything, and her "A little more +tea, Mrs. Vine?"--"Another of these cakes, Mr. Huxtable?"--"Just a +little dash of relish, Mr. Pratt?" were constantly breaking the +stillness, and calling attention to her as she sat behind the teapot, +with her plumed hat still a little on one side. + +She was emphatically what men call a "fine woman," with her firm, white +neck, her broad shoulders, her deep bosom and strong waist; she was +tall, too, with large, useful hands and feet. Her face was brown and +slightly freckled, with a warm colour on the cheeks; the features were +strong, but any impression of heaviness was at once dispelled by a pair +of eager, living blue eyes. Big jet earrings dangled from her ears, +being matched by the double chain of beads that hung over her +crape-frilled bodice. Indeed, with her plumes, her earrings, her +necklace, her frills, though all were of the decent and respectable +black, she faintly shocked the opinion of Walland Marsh, otherwise +disposed in pity to be lenient to Joanna Godden and her ways. + +Owing to the absence of conversation, tea was not as long drawn-out as +might have been expected from the appetites. Besides, everyone was in a +hurry to be finished and hear the reading of old Thomas Godden's will. +Already several interesting rumours were afloat, notably one that he +had left Ansdore to Joanna only on condition that she married Arthur +Alce within the year. "She's a mare that's never been präaperly broken +in, and she wants a strong hand to do it." Thus unchoicely Furnese of +Misleham had expressed the wish that fathered such a thought. + +So at the first possible moment after the last munch and loud swallow +with which old Grandfather Vine, who was unfortunately the slowest as +well as the largest eater, announced repletion, all the chairs were +pushed back on the drugget and a row of properly impassive faces +confronted Mr. Huxtable the lawyer as he took his stand by the window. +Only Joanna remained sitting at the table, her warm blue eyes seeming to +reflect the evening's light, her arm round little Ellen, who leaned +against her lap. + +The will was, after all, not so sensational as had been hoped. It opened +piously, as might have been expected of Thomas Godden, who was as good +an old man as ever met death walking in a cornfield unafraid. It went on +to leave various small tokens of remembrance to those who had known +him--a mourning ring to Mr. Vine, Mr. Furnese and Mr. Southland, his two +volumes of Robertson's Sermons, and a book called "The Horse in Sickness +and in Health," to Arthur Alce, which was a disappointment to those who +had expected the bequest to be his daughter Joanna. There was fifty +pounds for Mr. Samuel Huxtable of Huxtable, Vidler and Huxtable, +Solicitors, Watchbell Street, Rye, five pounds each for those farm hands +in his employment at the time of his death, with an extra ten pounds to +"Nathan Stuppeny, my carter, on account of his faithful services both to +me and to my father. And I give, devise and bequeath the residue of my +property, comprising the freehold farm of Little Ansdore, in the parish +of Pedlinge, Sussex, with all lands and live and dead stock pertaining +thereto to my daughter Joanna Mary Godden. And I appoint the said Joanna +Mary Godden sole executrix of this my will." + +When the reading was over the company remained staring for a minute as +decency required, then the door burst open and a big servant-girl +brought in a tray set with glasses of whisky and water for the men and +spiced wine for the women. These drink-offerings were received with a +subdued hum of conversation--it was impossible to hear what was said or +even to distinguish who was saying it, but a vague buzzing filled the +room, as of imprisoned bees. In the midst of it Ellen's voice rose +suddenly strident. + +"Joanna, may I take off my hat now?" + +Her sister looked doubtful. The funeral was not ceremonially complete +till Grandfather Vine had done choking over his heel-taps, but Ellen had +undoubtedly endured a good deal with remarkable patience--her virtue +ought in justice to be rewarded. Also Joanna noticed for the first time +that she was looking grotesque as well as uncomfortable, owing perhaps +to the hat being still on hind part before. So the necessary +dispensation was granted, and Ellen further refreshed by a sip of her +sister's wine. + +The guests now took their departure, each being given a memorial card of +the deceased, with a fine black edge and the picture of an urn upon it. +Ellen also was given one, at her urgent request, and ran off in +excitement with the treasure. Joanna remained with Mr. Huxtable for a +final interview. + + + + +§2 + +"Well," he said, "I expect you'll want me to help you a bit, Miss +Joanna." + +Joanna had sat down again at the end of the table--big, tousled, +over-dressed, alive. Huxtable surveyed her approvingly. "A damn fine +woman," he said to himself, "she'll marry before long." + +"I'm sure I'm much obliged to you, Mr. Huxtable," said Joanna, "there's +many a little thing I'd like to talk over with you." + +"Well, now's your time, young lady. I shan't have to be home for an hour +or two yet. The first thing is, I suppose, for me to find you a bailiff +for this farm." + +"No, thank you kindly. I'll manage that." + +"What! Do you know of a man?" + +"No--I mean I'll manage the farm." + +"You! My dear Miss Joanna ..." + +"Well, why not? I've been bred up to it from a child. I used to do +everything with poor father." + +As she said the last word her brightness became for a moment dimmed, and +tears swam into her eyes for the first time since she had taken the +ceremonial handkerchief away from them. But the next minute she lighted +up again. + +"He showed me a lot--he showed me everything. I could do it much better +than a man who doesn't know our ways." + +"But--" the lawyer hesitated, "but it isn't just a question of +knowledge, Miss Joanna; it's a question of--how shall I put it?--well, +of authority. A woman is always at a disadvantage when she has to +command men." + +"I'd like to see the man I couldn't make mind me." + +Huxtable grinned. "Oh, I've no doubt whatever that you could get +yourself obeyed; but the position--the whole thing--you'd find it a +great strain, and people aren't as a rule particularly helpful to a +woman they see doing what they call a man's job." + +"I don't want anyone's help. I know my own business and my poor father's +ways. That's enough for me." + +"Did your father ever say anything to you about this?" + +"Oh no--he being only fifty-one and never thinking he'd be took for a +long while yet. But I know it's what he'd have wanted, or why did he +trouble to show me everything? And always talked to me about things as +free as he did to Fuller and Stuppeny." + +"He would want you to do the best for yourself--he wouldn't want you to +take up a heavy burden just for his sake." + +"Oh, it ain't just for his sake, it's for my own. I don't want a strange +man messing around, and Ansdore's mine, and I'm proud of it." + +Huxtable rubbed his large nose, from either side of which his sharp eyes +looked disapprovingly at Joanna. He admired her, but she maddened him by +refusing to see the obvious side of her femininity. + +"Most young women of your age have other things to think of besides +farming. There's your sister, and then--don't tell me that you won't +soon be thinking of getting married." + +"Well, and if I do, it'll be time enough then to settle about the farm. +As for Ellen, I don't see what difference she makes, except that I must +see to things for her sake as well as mine. It wouldn't help her much if +I handed over this place to a man who'd muddle it all up and maybe bring +us to the Auctioneer's. I've known ... I've seen ... they had a bailiff +in at Becket's House and he lost them three fields of lucerne the first +season, and got the fluke into their sheep. Why, even Sir Harry Trevor's +taken to managing things himself at North Farthing after the way he saw +they were doing with, that old Lambarde, and what he can do I can do, +seeing I wasn't brought up in a London square." + +As Joanna's volubility grew, her voice rose, not shrilly as with most +women, but taking on a warm, hoarse note--her words seemed to be flung +out hot as coals from a fire. Mr. Huxtable grimaced. "She's a virago," +he thought to himself. He put up his hand suavely to induce silence, but +the eruption went on. + +"I know all the men, too. They'd do for me what they wouldn't do for a +stranger. And if they won't, I know how to settle 'em. I've been +bursting with ideas about farming all my life. Poor Father said only a +week before he was taken 'Pity you ain't a man, Joanna, with some of the +notions you've got.' Well, maybe it's a pity and maybe it isn't, but +what I've got to do now is to act up proper and manage what is mine, and +what you and other folks have got to do is not to meddle with me." + +"Come, come, my dear young lady, nobody's going to meddle with you. You +surely don't call it 'meddling' for your father's lawyer, an old man +who's known you all your life, to offer you a few words of advice. You +must go your own way, and if it doesn't turn out as satisfactorily as +you expect, you can always change it." + +"Reckon I can," said Joanna, "but I shan't have to. Won't you take +another whisky, Mr. Huxtable?" + +The lawyer accepted. Joanna Godden's temper might be bad, but her +whisky was good. He wondered if the one would make up for the other to +Arthur Alce or whoever had married her by this time next year. + + + + +§3 + +Mr. Huxtable was not alone in his condemnation of Joanna's choice. The +whole neighbourhood disapproved of it. The joint parishes of Brodnyx and +Pedlinge had made up their minds that Joanna Godden would now be +compelled to marry Arthur Alce and settle down to mind her own business +instead of what was obviously a man's; and here she was, still at large +and her business more a man's than ever. + +"She's a mare that's never been präaperly broken in, and she wants a +strong man to do it," said Furnese at the Woolpack. He had repeated this +celebrated remark so often that it had almost acquired the status of a +proverb. For three nights Joanna had been the chief topic of +conversation in the Woolpack bar. If Arthur Alce appeared a silence +would fall on the company, to be broken at last by some remark on the +price of wool or the Rye United's last match. Everybody was sorry for +Alce, everybody thought that Thomas Godden had treated him badly by not +making his daughter marry him as a condition of her inheritance. + +"Three times he's asked her, as I know for certain," said Vennal, the +tenant of Beggar's Bush. + +"No, it's four," said Prickett, Joanna's neighbour at Great Ansdore, +"there was that time coming back from the Wild Beast Show." + +"I was counting that," said Vennal; "that and the one that Mr. Vine's +looker heard at Lydd market, and then that time in the house." + +"How do you know he asked her in the house?--that makes five." + +"I don't get that--once indoors and twice out, that's three." + +"Well, anyways, whether it's three or four or five, he's asked her quite +enough. It's time he had her now." + +"He won't get her. She'll fly higher'n him now she's got Ansdore. +She'll be after young Edward Huxtable, or maybe Parson himself, him +having neglected to keep himself married." + +"Ha! Ha! It ud be valiant to see her married to liddle Parson--she'd +forget herself and pick him up under her arm, same as she picks up her +sister. But anyways I don't think she'll get much by flying high. It's +all fine enough to talk of her having Ansdore, but whosumdever wants +Ansdore ull have to take Joanna Godden with it, and it isn't every man +who'd care to do that." + +"Surelye. She's a mare that's never bin präaperly broken in. D'you +remember the time she came prancing into church with a bustle stuck on +behind, and everyone staring and fidgeting so as pore Mus' Pratt lost +his place in the Prayers and jumped all the way from the Belief to the +Royal Family?" + +"And that time as she hit Job Piper over the head wud a bunch of osiers +just because he'd told her he knew more about thatching than she did." + +"Surelye, and knocked his hat off into the dyke, and then bought him a +new one, with a lining to it." + +"And there was that time when--" + +Several more anecdotes to the point were contributed by the various +patrons of the bar, before the conversation, having described a full +circle, returned to its original starting point, and then set off again +with its vitality apparently undiminished. It was more than a week +before the summons of Mr. Gain, of Botolph's Bridge, for driving his gig +without a light ousted Joanna from her central glory in the Woolpack's +discussions. + +At Ansdore itself the interest naturally lasted longer. Joanna's +dependents whether in yard or kitchen were resentfully engrossed in the +new conditions. + +"So Joanna's going to run our farm for us, is she?" said the head man, +old Stuppeny, "that'll be valiant, wud some of the notions she has. +She'll have our pläace sold up in a twelve-month, surelye. Well, well, +it's time maybe as I went elsewheres--I've bin long enough at this job." + +Old Stuppeny had made this remark at intervals for the last sixty +years, indeed ever since the day he had first come as a tow-headed boy +to scare sparrows from the fields of Joanna's grandfather; so no one +gave it the attention that should have been its due. Other people aired +their grievances instead. + +"I wöan't stand her meddling wud me and my sheep," said Fuller, the +shepherd. + +"It's her sheep, come to that," said Martha Tilden the chicken-girl. + +Fuller dealt her a consuming glance out of his eyes, which the long +distances of the marsh had made keen as the sea wind. + +"She döan't know nothing about sheep, and I've been a looker after sheep +since times when you and her was in your cradles, so I wöan't täake sass +from neither of you." + +"She'll meddle wud you, Martha, just as she'll meddle wud the rest of +us," said Broadhurst, the cowman. + +"She's meddled wud me for years--I'm used to it. It's you men what's +going to have your time now. Ha! Ha! I'll be pleased watching it." + +Martha's short, brightly-coloured face seemed ready to break in two as +she laughed with her mouth wide open. + +"When she's had a terrification wud me and said things as she's sorry +for, she'll give me a gownd of hers or a fine hat. Sometimes I think as +I make more out of her tempers than I do out of my good work what she +pays me wages for." + +"Well, if I wur a decent maid I'd be ashamed to wear any of her +outlandish gowns or hats. The colours she chooses! Sometimes when I see +her walking through a field near the lambing time, I'm scared for my +ewes, thinking they'll drop their lambs out of fright. I can't help +being thankful as she's in black now for this season, though maybe I +shudn't ought to say it, seeing as we've lost a good mäaster, and one as +we'll all be tediously regretting in a week or two if we äun't now. You +take my word, Martha--next time she gives you a gownd, you give it back +to her and say as you don't wear such things, being a respectable woman. +It äun't right, starting you like that on bad ways." + + + + +§4 + +There was only one house in the joint parishes where Joanna had any +honourable mention, and that was North Farthing House on the other side +of the Kent Ditch. Here lived Sir Harry Trevor, the second holder of a +title won in banking enterprises, and lately fallen to low estate. The +reason could perhaps be seen on his good-looking face, with its sensual, +humorous mouth, roving eyes, and lurking air of unfulfilled, undefeated +youth. The taverns of the Three Marshes had combined to give him a +sensational past, and further said that his two sons had forced him to +settle at Brodnyx with a view to preserving what was left of his morals +and their inheritance. The elder was in Holy Orders, and belonged to a +small community working in the East End of London; he seldom came to +North Farthing House. The younger, Martin, who had some definite job in +the city, was home for a few days that October. It was to him his father +said: + +"I can't help admiring that girl Joanna Godden for her pluck. Old Godden +died suddenly two weeks ago, and now she's given out that she'll run the +farm herself, instead of putting in a bailiff. Of course the neighbours +disapprove, they've got very strict notions round here as to woman's +sphere and all that sort of thing." + +"Godden? Which farm's that?" + +"Little Ansdore--just across the Ditch, in Pedlinge parish. It's a big +place, and I like her for taking it on." + +"And for any other reason?" + +"Lord, no! She isn't at all the sort of woman I admire--a great big +strapping wench, the kind this marsh breeds twelve to the acre, like the +sheep. Has it ever struck you, Martin, that the women on Romney Marsh, +in comparison with the women one's used to and likes, are the same as +the Kent sheep in comparison with Southdowns--admirably hardy and suited +to the district and all that, but a bit tough and coarse-flavoured?" + +"I see that farming has already enlarged and refined your stock of +similes. I hope you aren't getting tired of it." + +"No, not exactly. I'm interested in the place now I manage it without +that dolt Lambarde, and Hythe isn't too far for the phaeton if I want +to See Life. Besides, I haven't quite got over the thrill of not being +in debt and disgrace"--he threw Martin a glance which might have come +from a rebellious son to a censorious father. "But sometimes I wish +there was less Moated Grange about it all. Damn it, I'm always alone +here! Except when you or your reverend brother come down to see how I'm +behaving." + +"Why don't you marry again?" + +"I don't want to marry. Besides, whom the devil should I marry round +here? There's mighty few people of our own class about, and those there +are seem to have no daughters under forty." + +Martin looked at him quizzically. + +"Oh yes, you young beast--I know what you're thinking. You're thinking +that forty's just the right age for me. You're reminding me that I'm a +trifle _passé_ myself and ought to marry something sere and yellow. But +I tell you I don't feel any older than twenty-five--never have, it's my +affliction--while you've never been younger than forty in all your life. +It's you who ought to marry middle-age"--and he grimaced at Martin. + + + + +§5 + +Joanna rather enjoyed being the centre of discussion. She had none of +the modest shrinking from being talked about which might have affected +some young women. She was glad when Martha Tilden or another of the +girls brought her any overheard scraps. "Oh, that's what they say, is +it?" and she would laugh a big jolly laugh like a boy's. + +So far she had enjoyed being "Mäaster" of Little Ansdore. It meant a lot +of work and a lot of thought and a lot of talking and interference, but +Joanna shrank from none of these things. She was healthy and vigorous +and intelligent, and was, moreover, quite unhampered by any diffidence +about teaching their work to people who had been busy at it before she +was born. + +Still it was scarcely more than a fortnight since she had taken on the +government, and time had probably much to show her yet. She had a +moment of depression one morning, rising early as she always must, and +pulling aside the flowered curtain that covered her window. The prospect +was certainly not one to cheer; even in sunshine the horizons of the +marsh were discouraging with their gospel of universal flatness, and +this morning the sun was not yet up, and a pale mist was drifting +through the willows, thick and congealed above the watercourses, thinner +on the grazing lands between them, so that one could see the dim shapes +of the sheep moving through it. Even in clear weather only one other +dwelling was visible from Little Ansdore, and that was its fellow of +Great Ansdore, about half a mile away seawards. The sight of it never +failed to make Joanna contemptuous--for Great Ansdore had but fifty +acres of land compared with the three hundred of its Little neighbour. +Its Greatness was merely a matter of name and tradition, and had only +one material aspect in the presentation to the living of +Brodnyx-with-Pedlinge, which had been with Great Ansdore since the +passing of the monks of Canterbury. + +To-day Great Ansdore was only a patch of grey rather denser than its +surroundings, and failed to inspire Joanna with her usual sense of +gloating. Her eyes were almost sad as she stared out at it, her chin +propped on her hands. The window was shut, as every window in every farm +and cottage on the marsh was shut at night, though the ague was now +little more than a name on the lips of grandfathers. Therefore the room +in which two people had slept was rather stuffy, though this in itself +would hardly account for Joanna's heaviness, since it was what she +naturally expected a bedroom to be in the morning. Such vague sorrow was +perplexing and disturbing to her practical emotions; she hurriedly +attributed it to "poor father," and the propriety of the sentiment +allowed her the relief of a few tears. + +Turning back into the room she unbuttoned her turkey-red dressing-gown, +preparatory to the business of washing and dressing. Then her eye fell +on Ellen still asleep in her little iron bedstead in the corner, and a +glow of tenderness passed like a lamp over her face. She went across to +where her sister slept, and laid her face for a moment beside hers on +the pillow. Ellen's breath came regularly from parted lips--she looked +adorable cuddled there, with her red cheeks, like an apple in snow. +Joanna, unable to resist the temptation, kissed her and woke her. + +"Hullo, Jo--what time is it?" mumbled Ellen sleepily. + +"Not time to get up yet. I'm not dressed." + +She sat on the edge of the bed, stooping over her sister, and her big +rough plaits dangled in the child's face. + +"Hullo, Jo--hullo, old Jo," continued the drowsy murmur. + +"Go to sleep, you bad girl," said Joanna, forgetting that she herself +had roused her. + +Ellen was not wide enough awake to have any conflicting views on the +subject, and she nestled down again with a deep sigh. For the next ten +minutes the room was full of small sounds--the splashing of cold water +in the basin, the shuffle of coarse linen, the click of fastening stays, +the rhythmic swish of a hair brush. Then came two silent minutes, while +Joanna knelt with closed eyes and folded hands beside her big, tumbled +bed, and said the prayers that her mother had taught her eighteen years +ago--word for word as she had said them when she was five, even to the +"make me a good girl" at the end. Then she jumped up briskly and tore +the sheet off the bed, throwing it with the pillows on the floor, so +that Grace Wickens the servant should have no chance of making the bed +without stripping it, as was the way of her kind. + +Grace was not up yet, of course. Joanna hit her door a resounding thump +as she passed it on her way to the kitchen. Here the dead ashes had been +raked out overnight, and the fire laid according to custom. She lit the +fire and put the kettle on to boil; she did not consider it beneath her +to perform these menial offices. She knew that every hand was needed for +the early morning work of a farm. By the time she had finished both +Grace and Martha were in the room, yawning and rubbing their eyes. + +"That'll burn up nicely now," said Joanna, surveying the fire. "You'd +better put the fish-kettle on too, in case Broadhurst wants hot water +for a mash. Bring me out a cup of tea as soon as you can get it +ready--I'll be somewhere in the yard." + +She put on an old coat of her father's over her black dress, and went +out, her nailed boots clattering on the cobble-stones. The men were +up--they should have been up an hour now--but no sounds of activity came +from the barns. The yard was in stillness, a little mist floating +against the walls, and the pervading greyness of the morning seemed to +be lit up by the huge blotches of yellow lichen that covered the slated +roofs of barns and dwelling--the roofs were all new, having only for a +year or two superseded the old roofs of osier thatch, but that queer +golden rust had almost hidden their substance, covering them as it +covered everything that was left exposed to the salt-thick marsh air. + +Joanna stood in the middle of the yard looking keenly round her like a +cat, then like a cat she pounced. The interior of the latest built barn +was dimly lit by a couple of windows under the roof--the light was just +enough to show inside the doorway five motionless figures, seated about +on the root-pile and the root-slicing machine. They were Joanna's five +farm-men, apparently wrapped in a trance, from which her voice +unpleasantly awoke them. + +"Here, you--what d'you think you're doing?" + +The five figures stiffened with perceptible indignation, but they did +not rise from their sitting posture as their mistress advanced--or +rather swooped--into their midst. Joanna did not expect this. She paid a +man fifteen shillings a week for his labour and made no impossible +demands of his prejudices and private habits. + +"I've been up an hour," she said, looking round on them, "and here I +find all of you sitting like a lot of sacks." + +"It's two hours since I've bin out o' my warm bed," said old Stuppeny +reproachfully. + +"You'd be as much use in it as out, if this is how you spend your time. +No one's been to the pigs yet, and it wants but half an hour to +milking." + +"We wur setting around for Grace Wickens to bring us out our tea," said +Broadhurst. + +"You thought maybe she wouldn't know her way across the yard if you was +on the other side of it? The tea ain't ready yet--I tell you I haven't +had any. It's a fine sight to see a lot of strong, upstanding men +lolling around waiting for a cup of tea." + +The scorn in Joanna's voice was withering, and a resentful grumble +arose, amidst which old Stuppeny's dedication of himself to a new sphere +was hoarsely discernible. However the men scrambled to their feet and +tramped off in various directions; Joanna stopped Fuller, the shepherd, +as he went by. + +"You'll be taking the wethers to Lydd this morning?" + +"Surelye." + +"How many are you taking?" + +"Maybe two score." + +"You can take the lot. It'll save us their grazing money this winter, +and we can start fattening the tegs in the spring." + +"There's but two score wethers fit for market." + +"How d'you mean?" + +"The others äun't fatted präaperly." + +"Nonsense--you know we never give 'em cake or turnips, so what does it +matter?" + +"They äun't fit." + +"I tell you they'll do well enough. I don't expect to get such prices +for them as for that lot you've kept down in the New Innings, but they +won't fetch much under, for I declare they're good meat. If we keep them +over the winter we'll have to send them inland and pay no end for their +grazing--and then maybe the price of mutton ull go down in the Spring." + +"It ud be a fool's job to täake them." + +"You say that because you don't want to have to fetch them up from the +Salt Innings. I tell you you're getting lazy, Fuller." + +"My old mäaster never called me that." + +"Well, you work as well for me as you did for him, and I won't call you +lazy, neither." + +She gave him a conciliatory grin, but Fuller had been too deeply wounded +for such easy balm. He turned and walked away, a whole speech written in +the rebellious hunch of his shoulders. + +"You'll get them beasts," she called after him. + +"Surelye"--came in a protesting drawl. Then "Yup!--Yup!" to the two +sheep dogs couched on the doorstep. + + + + +§6 + +What with supervising the work and herding slackers, getting her +breakfast and packing off Ellen to the little school she went to at Rye, +Joanna found all too soon that the market hour was upon her. It did not +strike her to shirk this part of a farmer's duty--she would drive into +Rye and into Lydd and into Romney as her father had always driven, +inspecting beasts and watching prices. Soon after ten o'clock she ran +upstairs to make herself splendid, as the occasion required. + +By this time the morning had lifted itself out of the mist. Great sheets +of blue covered the sky and were mirrored in the dykes--there was a soft +golden glow about the marsh, for the vivid green of the pastures was +filmed over with the brown of the withering seed-grasses, and the big +clumps of trees that protected every dwelling were richly toned to rust +through scales of flame. Already there were signs that the day would be +hot, and Joanna sighed to think that approaching winter had demanded +that her new best black should be made of thick materials. She hated +black, too, and grimaced at her sombre frills, which the mourning brooch +and chain of jet beads could only embellish, never lighten. But she +would as soon have thought of jumping out of the window as of discarding +her mourning a day before the traditions of the Marsh decreed. She +decided not to wear her brooch and chain--the chain might swing and +catch in the beasts' horns as she inspected them, besides her values +demanded that she should be slightly more splendid in church than at +market, so her ornaments were reserved as a crowning decoration, all +except her mourning ring made of a lock of her father's hair. + +It was the first time she had been to market since his death, and she +knew that folks would stare, so she might as well give them something to +stare at. Outside the front door, in the drive, old Stuppeny was +holding the head of Foxy, her mare, harnessed to the neat trap that +Thomas Godden had bought early the same year. + +"Hullo, Stuppeny--you ain't coming along like that!" and Joanna's eye +swept fiercely up and down his manure-caked trousers. + +"I never knew as I wur coming along anywheres, Miss Joanna." + +"You're coming along of me to the market. Surely you don't expect a lady +to drive by herself?" + +Old Stuppeny muttered something unintelligible. + +"You go and put on your black coat," continued Joanna. + +"My Sunday coat!" shrieked Stuppeny. + +"Yes--quick! I can't wait here all day." + +"But I can't put on my good coat wudout cleaning myself, and it'll täake +me the best part o' the marnun to do that." + +Joanna saw the reasonableness of his objection. + +"Oh, well, you can leave it this once, but another time you remember and +look decent. To-day it'll do if you go into the kitchen and ask Grace to +take a brush to your trousers--and listen here!" she called after him as +he shambled off--"if she's making cocoa you can ask her to give you a +cup." + +Grace evidently was making cocoa--a habit she had whenever her +mistress's back was turned--for Stuppeny did not return for nearly a +quarter of an hour. He looked slightly more presentable as he climbed +into the back of the trap. It struck Joanna that she might be able to +get him a suit of livery secondhand. + +"There isn't much he's good for on the farm now at his age, so he may as +well be the one to come along of me. Broadhurst or Luck ud look a bit +smarter, but it ud be hard to spare them.... Stuppeny ud look different +in a livery coat with brass buttons.... I'll look around for one if I've +time this afternoon." + +It was nearly seven miles from Ansdore to Lydd, passing the Woolpack, +and the ragged gable of Midley Chapel--a reproachful ruin among the +reeds of the Wheelsgate Sewer. Foxy went smartly, but every now and then +they had to slow down as they overtook and passed flocks of sheep and +cattle being herded along the road by drovers and shepherds in dusty +boots, and dogs with red, lolling tongues. It was after midday when the +big elm wood which had been their horizon for the last two miles +suddenly turned, as if by an enchanter's wand, into a fair-sized town of +red roofs and walls, with a great church tower raking above the trees. + +Joanna drove straight to the Crown, where Thomas Godden had "put up" +every market day for twenty years. She ordered her dinner--boiled beef +and carrots, and jam roll--and walked into the crowded coffee room, +where farmers from every corner of the three marshes were already at +work with knife and fork. Some of them knew her by sight and stared, +others knew her by acquaintance and greeted her, while Arthur Alce +jumped out of his chair, dropping his knife and sweeping his neighbour's +bread off the table. He was a little shocked and alarmed to see Joanna +the only woman in the room; he suggested that she should have her dinner +in the landlady's parlour--"you'd be quieter like, in there." + +"I don't want to be quiet, thank you," said Joanna. + +She felt thankful that none of the few empty chairs was next Alce's--she +could never abide his fussing. She sat down between Cobb of Slinches and +a farmer from Snargate way, and opened the conversation pleasantly on +the subject of liver fluke in sheep. + +When she had brought her meal to a close with a cup of tea, she found +Alce waiting for her in the hotel entrance. + +"I never thought you'd come to market, Joanna." + +"And why not, pray?" + +The correct answer was--"Because you don't know enough about beasts," +but Alce had the sense to find a substitute. + +"Because it ain't safe or seemly for a woman to come alone and deal with +men." + +"And why not, again? Are all you men going to swindle me if you get the +chance?" + +Joanna's laugh always had a disintegrating effect on Alce, with its loud +warm tones and its revelation of her pretty teeth--which were so white +and even, except the small pointed canines. When she laughed she opened +her mouth wide and threw back her head on her short white neck. Alce +gropingly put out a hairy hand towards her, which was his nearest +approach to a caress. Joanna flicked it away. + +"Now a-done do, Arthur Alce"--dropping in her merriment into the lower +idiom of the Marsh--"a-done do with your croaking and your stroking +both. Let me go my own ways, for I know 'em better than you can." + +"But these chaps--I don't like it--maybe, seeing you like this amongst +them, they'll get bold with you." + +"Not they! How can you mention such a thing? There was Mr. Cobb and Mr. +Godfrey at dinner, talking to me as respectful as churchwardens, all +about liver fluke and then by way of rot in the oats, passing on natural +and civil to the Isle of Wight disease in potatoes--if you see anything +bold in _that_ ... well then you're an old woman as sure as I ain't." + +A repetition of her laugh completed his disruption, and he found himself +there on the steps of the Crown begging her to let him take over her +market day discussions as her husband and deputy. + +"Why should you go talking to farmers about Isle of Wight disease and +liver fluke, when you might be talking to their wives about making +puddings and stuffing mattresses and such-like women's subjects." + +"I talk about them too," said Joanna, "and I can't see as I'd be any +better for talking of nothing else." + +What Alce had meant to convey to her was that he would much rather hear +her discussing the ailments of her children than of her potatoes, but he +was far too delicate-minded to state this. He only looked at her sadly. + +Joanna had not even troubled to refuse his proposal--any more than a +mother troubles to give a definite and reasoned refusal to the child who +asks for the moon. Finding him silent, and feeling rather sorry for him, +she suggested that he should come round with her to the shops and carry +some of her parcels. + + + + +§7 + +She went first of all to a firm of house-painters, for she meant to +brighten up Ansdore. She disliked seeing the place with no colour or +ornament save that which the marsh wind gave it of gold and rust. She +would have the eaves and the pipes painted a nice green, such as would +show up well at a distance. There was plenty of money, so why should +everything be drab? Alce discouraged her as well as he was able--it was +the wrong time of year for painting, and the old paint was still quite +good. Joanna treated his objections as she had treated his +proposal--with good-humoured, almost tender, indifference. She let him +make his moan at the house-painter's, then carelessly bore him on to the +furnishers', where she bought brightly-flowered stuff for new curtains. +Then he stood by while at an outfitter's she inspected coats for +Stuppeny, and finally bought one of a fine mulberry colour with brass +buttons all down the front. + +She now returned to the market-place, and sought out two farmers from +the Iden district, with whom she made arrangements for the winter keep +of her lambs. Owing to the scanty and salt pastures of winter, it had +always been the custom on the marsh to send the young sheep for grazing +on upland farms, and fetch them back in the spring as tegs. Joanna +disposed of her young flock between Relf of Baron's Grange and Noakes of +Mockbeggar, then, still accompanied by Alce, strolled down to inspect +the wethers she had brought to the market. + +On her way she met the farmer of Picknye Bush. + +"Good day, Miss Godden--I've just come from buying some tegs of yourn." + +"My looker's settled with you, has he?" + +"He said he had the power to sell as he thought proper--otherways I was +going to ask for you." + +An angry flush drowned the freckles on Joanna's cheek. + +"That's Fuller, the obstinate, thick-headed old man...." + +Bates's round face fell a little. + +"I'm sorry if there's bin any mistäake. After all, I äun't got the +beasts yet--thirty shillings a head is the price he asked and I paid. I +call it a fair price, seeing the time of year and the state of the meat +market But if your looker's bin presuming and you äun't pleased, then I +wöan't call it a deal." + +"I'm pleased enough to sell you my beasts, and thirty shillings is a +fairish price. But I won't have Fuller fixing things up over my head +like this, and I'll tell him so. How many of 'em did you buy, Mr. +Bates?" + +"I bought the lot--two score." + +Joanna made a choking sound. Without another word, she turned and walked +off in the direction of the hurdles where her sheep were penned, Bates +and Alce following her after one disconcerted look at each other. Fuller +stood beside the wethers, his two shaggy dogs couched at his feet--he +started when he suddenly saw his mistress burst through the crowd, her +black feathers nodding above her angry face. + +"Fuller!" she shouted, so loud that those who were standing near turned +round to see--"How many wether-tegs have you brought to Lydd?" + +"Two score." + +"How many did I tell you to bring?" + +"The others wurn't fit, surelye." + +"But didn't I tell you to bring them?" + +"You did, but they wurn't fit." + +"I said you were to bring them, no matter if you thought 'em fit or +not." + +"They wurn't fit to be sold as meat." + +"I tell you they were." + +"No one shall say as Tom Fuller döan't bring fit meat to market." + +"You're an obstinate old fool. I tell you they were first-class meat." + +Men were pressing round, farmers and graziers and butchers, drawn by the +spectacle of Joanna Godden at war with her looker in the middle of Lydd +market. Alce touched her arm appealingly-- + +"Come away, Joanna," he murmured. + +She flung round at him. + +"Keep dear--leave me to settle my own man." + +There was a titter in the crowd. + +"I know bad meat from good, surelye," continued Fuller, feeling that +popular sentiment was on his side--"I should ought to, seeing as I wur +your father's looker before you wur your father's daughter." + +"You were my father's looker, but after this you shan't be looker of +mine. Since you won't mind what I say or take orders from me, you can +leave my service this day month." + +There was a horror-stricken silence in the crowd--even the lowest +journeyman butcher realized the solemnity of the occasion. + +"You understand me?" said Joanna. + +"Yes, ma'am," came from Fuller in a crushed voice. + + + + +§8 + +By the same evening the news was all over Lydd market, by the next it +was all over the Three Marshes. Everyone was repeating to everyone else +how Joanna Godden of Little Ansdore had got shut of her looker after +twenty-eight years' service, and her father not been dead a month. +"Enough to make him rise out of his grave," said the Marsh. + +The actual reasons for the turning away were variously given--"Just +because he spuck up and told her as her pore father wudn't hold wud her +goings on," was the doctrine promulgated by the Woolpack; but the +general council sitting in the bar of the Crown decreed that the trouble +had arisen out of Fuller's spirited refusal to sell some lambs that had +tic. Other pronouncements were that she had sassed Fuller because he +knew more about sheep than she did--or that Fuller had sassed her for +the same reason--that it wasn't Joanna who had dismissed him, but he who +had been regretfully obliged to give notice, owing to her meddling--that +all the hands at Ansdore were leaving on account of her temper. + +"He'll never get another pläace agäun, will pore old Fuller--he'll end +in the Union and be an everlasting shame to her." + +There was almost a feeling of disappointment when it became known that +Fuller--who was only forty-two, having started his career at an early +age--had been given a most satisfactory job at Arpinge Farm inland, and +something like consternation when it was further said and confirmed by +Fuller himself that Joanna had given him an excellent character. + +"She'll never get another looker," became the changed burden of the +Marsh. + +But here again prophecy failed, for hardly had Joanna's advertisement +appeared simultaneously in the _Rye Observer_ and the _Kentish Express_ +than she had half a dozen applications from likely men. Martha Tilden +brought the news to Godfrey's Stores, the general shop in Brodnyx. + +"There she is, setting in her chair, talking to a young chap what's come +from Botolph's Bridge, and there's three more waiting in the +passage--she told Grace to give them each a cup of cocoa when she was +making it. And what d'you think? Their looker's come over from Old +Honeychild, asking for the place, though he was sitting in the Crown at +Lydd only yesterday, as Sam Broadhurst told me, saying as it was a shame +to get shut of Fuller like that, and as how Joanna deserved never to see +another looker again in her life." + +"Which of the lot d'you think she'll take?" asked Godfrey. + +"I dunno. How should I say? Peter Relf from Old Honeychild is a stout +feller, and one of the other men told me he'd got a character that made +him blush, it was that fine and flowery. But you never know with Joanna +Godden--maybe she'd sooner have a looker as knew nothing, and then she +could teach him. Ha! Ha!" + +Meanwhile Joanna sat very erect in her kitchen chair, interviewing the +young chap from Botolph's Bridge. + +"You've only got a year's character from Mr. Gain?" + +"Yes, missus ..." a long pause during which some mental process took +place clumsily behind this low, sunburnt forehead ... "but I've got +these." + +He handed Joanna one or two dirty scraps of paper on which were written +"characters" from earlier employers. + +Joanna read them. None was for longer than two years, but they all spoke +well of the young man before her. + +"Then you've never been on the Marsh before you came to Botolph's +Bridge?" + +"No, missus." + +"Sheep on the Marsh is very different from sheep inland." + +"I know, missus." + +"But you think you're up to the job." + +"Yes, missus." + +Joanna stared at him critically. He was a fine young fellow--slightly +bowed already though he had given his age as twenty-five, for the earth +begins her work early in a man's frame, and has power over the green +tree as well as the dry. But this stoop did not conceal his height and +strength and breadth, and somehow his bigness, combined with his +simplicity, his slow thought and slow tongue, appealed to Joanna, +stirred something within her that was almost tender. She handed him back +his dirty "characters." + +"Well, I must think it over. I've some other men to see, but I'll write +you a line to Botolph's Bridge and tell you how I fix. You go now and +ask Grace Wickens, my gal, to give you a cup of hot cocoa." + +Young Socknersh went, stooping his shock-head still lower as he passed +under the worn oak lintel of the kitchen door. Joanna interviewed the +shepherd from Honeychild, a man from Slinches, another from Anvil Green +inland, and one from Chilleye, on Pevensey marsh beyond Marlingate. She +settled with none, but told each that she would write. She spent the +evening thinking them over. + +No doubt Peter Relf from Honeychild was the best man--the oldest and +most experienced--but on the other hand he wanted the most money, and +probably also his own way. After the disastrous precedent of Fuller, +Joanna wasn't going to have another looker who thought he knew better +than she did. Now, Dick Socknersh, he would mind her properly, she felt +sure.... Day from Slinches had the longest "character"--fifteen years +man and boy; but that would only mean that he was set in their ways and +wouldn't take to hers--she wasn't going to start fattening her sheep +with turnips, coarsening the meat, not to please anyone.... Now, +Socknersh, having never been longer than two years in a place wouldn't +have got fixed in any bad habits.... As for Jenkins and Taylor, they +weren't any good--just common Southdown men--she might as well write off +to them at once. Her choice lay between Relf and Day and Socknersh. She +knew that she meant to have Socknersh--he was not the best shepherd, but +she liked him the best, and he would mind her properly and take to her +ways ... for a moment he seemed to stand before her, with his head +stooping among the rafters, his great shoulders shutting out the window, +his curious, brown, childlike eyes fixed upon her face. Day was a +scrubby little fellow, and Relf had warts all over his hands.... But she +wasn't choosing Socknersh for his looks; she was choosing him because he +would work for her the best, not being set up with "notions." Of course +she liked him the best, too, but it would be more satisfactory from +every practical point of view to work with a man she liked than with a +man she did not like--Joanna liked a man to look a man, and she did not +mind if he was a bit of a child too.... Yes, she would engage Socknersh; +his "characters," though short, were most satisfactory--he was "good +with sheep and lambs," she could remember--"hard-working"--"patient".... +She wrote to Botolph's Bridge that evening, and engaged him to come to +her at the end of the week. + + + + +§9 + +Nothing happened to make her regret her choice. Socknersh proved, as she +had expected, a humble, hard-working creature, who never disputed her +orders, indeed who sometimes turned to her for direction and advice. +Stimulated by his deference, she became even more of an oracle than she +had hitherto professed. She looked up "The Sheep" in her father's +"Farmer's Encyclopædia" of the year 1861, and also read one or two more +books upon his shelves. From these she discovered that there was more in +sheep breeding than was covered by the lore of the Three Marshes, and +her mind began to plunge adventurously among Southdowns and Leicesters, +Black-faced, Blue-faced, and Cumberland sheep. She saw Ansdore famous as +a great sheep-breeding centre, with many thousands of pounds coming +annually to its mistress from meat and wool. + +She confided some of these ideas to Arthur Alce and a few neighbouring +farmers. One and all discouraged her, and she told herself angrily that +the yeomen were jealous--as for Alce, it was just his usual silliness. +She found that she had a more appreciative listener in Dick Socknersh. +He received all her plans with deep respect, and sometimes an admiring +"Surelye, missus," would come from his lips that parted more readily for +food than for speech. Joanna found that she enjoyed seeking him out in +the barn, or turning off the road to where he stood leaning on his crook +with his dog against his legs. + +"You'd never believe the lot there is in sheep-keeping, Socknersh; and +the wonders you can do if you have knowledge and information. Now the +folks around here, they're middling sensible, but they ain't what you'd +call clever. They're stuck in their ways, as you might say. Now if you +open your mind properly, you can learn a lot of things out of books. My +poor father had some wonderful books upon his shelves, that are mine to +read now, and you'd be surprised at the lot I've learned out of 'em, +even though I've been sheep-raising all my life." + +"Surelye, missus." + +"Now I'll tell you something about sheep-raising that has never been +done here, all the hundreds of years there's been sheep on the Marsh. +And that's the proper crossing of sheep. My book tells me that there's +been useful new breeds started that way and lots of money made. Now, +would you believe it, they've never tried crossing down here on the +Marsh, except just once or twice with Southdowns?--And that's silly, +seeing as the Southdown is a smaller sheep than ours, and I don't see +any sense in bringing down our fine big sheep that can stand all waters +and weathers. If I was to cross 'em, I'd sooner cross 'em with rams +bigger than themselves. I know they say that small joints of mutton are +all the style nowadays, but I like a fine big animal--besides, think of +the fleeces." + +Socknersh apparently thought of them so profoundly that he was choked of +utterance, but Joanna could tell that he was going to speak by the +restless moving of his eyes under their strangely long dark lashes, and +by the little husky sounds he made in his throat. She stood watching him +with a smile on her face. + +"Well, Socknersh--you were going to say ..." + +"I wur going to say, missus, as my mäaster up at Garlinge Green, whur I +wur afore I took to the Marsh at Botolph's Bridge--my mäaster, Mus' +Pebsham, had a valiant set of Spanish ship, as big as liddle cattle; you +shud ought to have seen them." + +"Did he do any crossing with 'em?" + +"No, missus--leastways not whiles I wur up at the Green." + +Joanna stared through the thick red sunset to the horizon. Marvellous +plans were forming in her head--part, they seemed, of the fiery shapes +that the clouds had raised in the west beyond Rye hill. Those clouds +walked forth as flocks of sheep--huge sheep under mountainous fleeces, +the wonder of the Marsh and the glory of Ansdore.... + +"Socknersh ..." + +"Yes, missus." + +She hesitated whether she should share with him her new inspiration. It +would be good to hear him say "Surelye, missus" in that admiring, husky +voice. He was the only one of her farm-hands who, she felt, had any +deference towards her--any real loyalty, though he was the last come. + +"Socknersh, d'you think your master up at Garlinge would let me hire one +or two rams to cross with my ewes?--I might go up and have a look at +them. I don't know as I've ever seen a Spanish sheep.... Garlinge is up +by Court-at-Street, ain't it?" + +"Yes, missus. 'Tis an unaccountable way from here." + +"I'd write first. What d'you think of the notion, Socknersh? Don't you +think that a cross between a Spanish sheep and a Kent sheep ud be an +uncommon fine animal?" + +"Surelye, missus." + +That night Joanna dreamed that giant sheep as big as bullocks were being +herded on the Marsh by a giant shepherd. + + + + +§10 + +Spring brought a blooming to Ansdore as well as to the Marsh. Joanna had +postponed, after all, her house-painting till the winter months of +rotting sea mists were over. But in April the ladders striped her +house-front, and soon her windows and doors began to start luridly out +of their surroundings of mellowed tiles and brick. After much +deliberation she had chosen yellow for her colour, tastefully picked out +with green. She had always been partial to yellow--it was a colour that +"showed up" well, and she was also influenced by the fact that there was +no other yellow-piped dwelling on the Marsh. + +Her neighbours disapproved of her choice for the same reasons that had +induced her to make it. They were shocked by the fact that you could see +her front door from half a mile off on the Brodnyx Road; it was just +like Joanna Godden to choose a colour that shrieked across the landscape +instead of merging itself unobtrusively into it. But there was a still +worse shock in store for public opinion, and that was when she decided +to repaint her waggons as well as her house. + +Hitherto there had been only one shape and colour of waggon on the +Marsh--a plain low-sided trough of deep sea-blue. The name was always +painted in white on a small black wooden square attached to the side. +Thomas Godden's waggons had been no departure from this rule. It was +left to his daughter to flout tradition, and by some obscure process of +local reasoning, bring discredit to her dead father by painting her +waggons yellow instead of blue. The evil went deeper than mere colour. +Joanna was a travelled woman, having once been to the Isle of Wight, and +it suddenly struck her that, since she was repainting, she might give +her three waggons the high gondola-shaped fronts that she had admired in +the neighbourhood of Shanklin and Ventnor. These she further beautified +with a rich, scrolled design, and her name in large, ornate +lettering--"Joanna Godden. Little Ansdore. Walland Marsh"--so that her +waggons went forth upon the roads very much as the old men o' war of +King Edward's fleet had sailed over that same country when it was +fathoms deep under the seas of Rye Bay.... With their towering, +decorated poops they were more like mad galleys of a bygone age than +sober waggons of a nineteenth century farm. + +Her improvements gave her a sense of adventurous satisfaction--her house +with its yellow window frames and doors, with its new curtains of +swaggering design--her high-pooped waggons--the coat with the brass +buttons that old Stuppeny wore when he drove behind her to market--her +dreams of giant sheep upon her innings--all appealed to something +fundamental in her which was big and boastful. She even liked the gossip +with which she was surrounded, the looks that were turned upon her when +she drove into Rye or Lydd or New Romney--the "there goes Joanna Godden" +of folk she passed. She had no acute sense of their disapproval; if she +became aware of it she would only repeat to herself that she would "show +'em the style"--which she certainly did. + + + + +§11 + +Arthur Alce was very much upset by the gossip about Joanna. + +"All you've done since you started running Ansdore is to get yourself +talked about," he said sadly. + +"Well, I don't mind that." + +"No, but you should ought to. A woman should ought to be modest and +timid and not paint her house so's it shows up five mile off--first your +house, and then your waggons--it'll be your face next." + +"Arthur Alce, you're very rude, and till you learn to be civil you can +keep out of my house--the same as you can see five mile off." + +Alce, who really felt bitter and miserable, took her at her word and +kept away for nearly a fortnight. Joanna was not sorry, for he had been +highly disapproving on the matter of the Spanish sheep, and she was +anxious to carry out her plan in his absence. A letter to Garlinge Green +had revealed the fact that Socknersh's late master had removed to a farm +near Northampton; he still bred Spanish sheep, but the risk of Joanna's +venture was increased by the high price she would have to pay for +railway transport as well as in fees. However, once she had set her +heart on anything, she would let nothing stand in her way. Socknersh was +inclined to be aghast at all the money the affair would cost, but Joanna +soon talked him into an agreeable "Surelye." + +"We'll get it all back," she told him. "Our lambs ull be the biggest at +market, and ull fetch the biggest prices too." + +It pleased Joanna to talk of Socknersh and herself as "we," though she +would bitterly have resented any idea of joint responsibility in the +days of Fuller. The rites of lambing and shearing had not dimmed her +faith in the high priest she had chosen for Ansdore's most sacred +mysteries. Socknersh was a man who was automatically "good with sheep." +The scared and trembling ewes seemed to see in him a kind of affinity +with themselves, and lay still under his big, brown, quiet hands. He had +not much "head," but he had that queer inward kinship with animals which +is sometimes found in intensely simple natures, and Joanna felt equal to +managing the "head" part of the business for both. It pleased her to +think that the looker--who is always the principal man on a farm such as +Ansdore, where sheep-rearing is the main business--deferred to her +openly, before the other hands, spoke to her with drawling respect, and +for ever followed her with his humble eyes. + +She liked to feel those eyes upon her. All his strength and bigness, all +his manhood, huge and unaware, seemed to lie deep in them like a monster +coiled up under the sea. When he looked at her he seemed to lose that +heavy dumbness, that inarticulate stupidity which occasionally stirred +and vexed even her good disposition; his mouth might still be shut, but +his eyes were fluent--they told her not only of his manhood but of her +womanhood besides. + +Socknersh lived alone in the looker's cottage which had always belonged +to Ansdore. It stood away on the Kent Innings, on the very brink of the +Ditch, which here gave a great loop, to allow a peninsula of Sussex to +claim its rights against the Kentish monks. It was a lonely little +cottage, all rusted over with lichen, and sometimes Joanna felt sorry +for Socknersh away there by himself beside the Ditch. She sent him over +a flock mattress and a woollen blanket, in case the old ague-spectre of +the Marsh still haunted that desolate corner of water and reeds. + + + + +§12 + +Towards the end of that autumn, Joanna and Ellen Godden came out of +their mourning. As was usual on such occasions, they chose a Sunday for +their first appearance in colours. Half mourning was not worn on the +Marsh, so there was no interval of grey and violet between Joanna's +hearse-like costume of crape and nodding feathers and the tan-coloured +gown in which she astonished the twin parishes of Brodnyx and Pedlinge +on the first Sunday in November. Her hat was of sage green and contained +a bird unknown to natural history. From her ears swung huge jade +earrings, in succession to the jet ones that had dangled against her +neck on Sundays for a year--she must have bought them, for everyone knew +that her mother, Mary Godden, had left but one pair. + +Altogether the sight of Joanna was so breathless, that a great many +people never noticed Ellen, or at best only saw her hat as it went past +the tops of their pews. Joanna realized this, and being anxious that no +one should miss the sight of Ellen's new magenta pelisse with facings of +silver braid, she made her stand on the seat while the psalms were sung. + +The morning service was in Brodnyx church--in the evening it would be at +Pedlinge. Brodnyx had so far escaped the restorer, and the pews were +huge wooden boxes, sometimes fitted with a table in the middle, while +Sir Harry Trevor's, which he never occupied, except when his sons were +at home, was further provided with a stove--all the heating there was in +the three aisles. There was also a two-decker pulpit at the east end and +over the dim little altar hung an escutcheon of Royal George--the lion +and the unicorn fighting for the crown amid much scroll-work. + +Like most churches on the Marsh it was much too big for its parish, and +if the entire population of Brodnyx and Pedlinge had flocked into it, +it would not have been full. This made Joanna and Ellen all the more +conspicuous--they were alone in their great horse-box of a pew, except +for many prayer books and hassocks--There were as many hassocks in +Brodnyx church as there were sheep on the Brodnyx innings. Joanna, as +usual, behaved very devoutly, and did not look about her. She had an +immense respect for the Church, and always followed the service word for +word in her huge calf-bound prayer book, expecting Ellen to do the +same--an expectation which involved an immense amount of scuffling and +angry whispering in their pew. + +However, though her eyes were on her book, she was proudly conscious +that everyone else's eyes were on her. Even the rector must have seen +her--as indeed from his elevated position on the bottom deck of the +pulpit he could scarcely help doing--and his distraction was marked by +occasional stutters and the intrusion of an evening Collect. He was a +nervous, deprecating little man, terribly scared of his flock, and +ruefully conscious of his own shortcomings and the shortcomings of his +church. Visiting priests had told him that Brodnyx church was a +disgrace, with its false stresses of pew and pulpit and the lion and the +unicorn dancing above the throne of the King of kings. They said he +ought to have it restored. They did not trouble about where the money +was to come from, but Mr. Pratt knew he could not get it out of his +congregation, who did not like to have things changed from the manner of +their fathers--indeed there had been complaints when he had dislodged +the owls that had nested under the gallery from an immemorial rector's +day. + +The service came to an end with the singing of a hymn to an +accompaniment of grunts and wheezes from an ancient harmonium and the +dropping of pennies and threepenny bits into a wooden plate. Then the +congregation hurried out to the civilities of the churchyard. + +From outside, Brodnyx Church looked still more Georgian and abandoned. +Its three aisles were without ornament or architecture; there was no +tower, but beside it stood a peculiar and unexplained erection, shaped +like a pagoda, in three tiers of black and battered tar-boarding. It +had a slight cant towards the church, and suggested nothing so much as a +disreputable Victorian widow, in tippet, mantle and crinoline, seeking +the support of a stone wall after a carouse. + +In the churchyard, among the graves, the congregation assembled and +talked of or to Joanna. It was noticeable that the women judged her more +kindly than the men. + +"She can't help her taste," said Mrs. Vine, "and she's a kind-hearted +thing." + +"If you ask me," said Mrs. Prickett, "her taste ain't so bad, if only +she'd have things a bit quieter. But she's like a child with her yallers +and greens." + +"She's more like an organist's monkey," said her husband. "What ud I do +if I ever saw you tricked out like that, Mrs. Prickett?" + +"Oh, I'd never wear such clothes, master, as you know well. But then I'm +a different looking sort of woman. I wouldn't go so far as to say them +bright colours don't suit Joanna Godden." + +"I never thought much of her looks." + +"Nor of her looker--he! he!" joined in Furnese with a glance in Joanna's +direction. + +She was talking to Dick Socknersh, who had been to church with the other +hands that could be spared from the farm. She asked him if he had liked +the sermon, and then told him to get off home quickly and give the tegs +their swill. + +"Reckon he don't know a teg from a tup," said Furnese. + +"Oh, surelye, Mr. Furnese, he äun't a bad looker. Jim Harmer said he wur +just about wonderful with the ewes at the shearing." + +"Maybe--but he'd three sway-backed lambs at Rye market on Thursday." + +"Sway-backs!" + +"Three. 'Twas a shame." + +"But Joanna told me he was such a fine, wonderful man with the sheep--as +he got 'em to market about half as tired and twice as quick as Fuller +used to in his day." + +"Ah, but then she's unaccountable set on young Socknersh. He lets her +do what she likes with her sheep, and he's a stout figure of a man, too. +Joanna Godden always was partial to stout-looking men." + +"But she'd never be such a fool as to git sweet on her looker." + +"Well, that's wot they're saying at the Woolpack." + +"The Woolpack! Did you ever hear of such a talk-hole as you men get into +when you're away from us! They say some unaccountable fine things at the +Woolpack. I tell you, Joanna ain't such a fool as to get sweet on Dick +Socknersh." + +"She's been fool enough to cross Spanish sheep with her own. Three rams +she had sent all the way from furrin parts by Northampton. I tell you, +after that, she'd be fool enough for anything." + +"Maybe she'll do well by it." + +"Maybe she'll do well by marrying Dick Socknersh. I tell you, you döan't +know näun about it, missus. Whosumdever heard of such an outlandish, +heathen, foolish notion?" + +On the whole Joanna was delighted with the success of her appearance. +She walked home with Mrs. Southland and Maggie Furnese, bridling a +little under their glances, while she discussed servants, and +food-prices, and a new way of pickling eggs. + +She parted from them at Ansdore, and she and Ellen went in to their +Sunday's dinner of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. After this the day +would proceed according to the well-laid ceremonial that Joanna loved. +Little Ellen, with a pinafore tied over her Sabbath splendours, would go +into the kitchen to sit with the maids--get into their laps, turn over +their picture Bibles, examine their one or two trinkets and strings of +beads which they always brought into the kitchen on Sunday. Meanwhile +Joanna would sit in state in the parlour, her feet on a footstool, on +her lap a volume of Spurgeon's sermons. In the old days it had always +been her father who read sermons, but now he was dead she had taken over +this part of his duties with the rest, and if the afternoon generally +ended in sleep, sleep was a necessary part of a well-kept Sabbath day. + + + + +§13 + +When Christmas came that year, Joanna was inspired to celebrate it with +a party. The Christmas before she had been in mourning, but in her +father's day it had been usual to invite a few respectable farmers to a +respectable revel, beginning with high tea, then proceeding through +whist to a hot supper. Joanna would have failed in her duty to "poor +father" if she had not maintained this custom, and she would have failed +in consistency with herself if she had not improved upon it--embellished +it with one or two ornate touches, which lifted it out of its prosaic +rut of similarity to a dozen entertainments given at a dozen farms, and +made it a rather wonderful and terrible occasion to most dwellers on the +Marsh. + +To begin with, the invitations were not delivered, according to custom, +verbally in the churchyard after Morning Prayer on Sunday--they were +written on cards, as Mrs. Saville of Dungemarsh Court wrote them, and +distributed through the unwonted and expensive medium of the post. When +their recipients had done exclaiming over the waste of a penny stamp, +they were further astonished to see the word "Music" written in the +corner--Joanna had stuck very closely to her Dungemarsh Court model. +What could the music be? Was the Brodnyx Brass Band going to play? Or +had Joanna hired Miss Patty Southland, who gave music lessons on the +Marsh? + +She had done neither of these things. When her visitors assembled, +stuffed into her two parlours, while the eatables were spread in a +kitchen metamorphosed with decorations of crinkled paper, they found, +buttressed into a corner by the freshly tuned piano, the Rye Quartet, +consisting of the piano-tuner himself, his wife, who played the 'cello, +and his two daughters with fiddles and white piqué frocks. At first the +music was rather an embarrassment, for while it played eating and +conversation were alike suspended, and the guests stood with open mouths +and cooling cups of tea till Mr. Plummer's final chords released their +tongues and filled their mouths with awkward simultaneousness. However, +after a time the general awe abated, and soon the Rye Quartet was +swamped in a terrific noise of tongues and mastication. + +Everyone was staring at Joanna's dress, for it was Low--quite four +inches of her skin must have shown between its top most frill and the +base of her sturdy throat. The sleeves stopped short at the elbow, +showing a very soft, white forearm, in contrast with brown, roughened +hands. Altogether it was a daring display, and one or two of the Miss +Vines and Southlands and Furneses wondered "how Joanna could do it." + +Proudly conscious of the eyes fixed upon her, she moved--or rather, it +must be confessed, squeezed--about among her guests. She had put on new +manners with her new clothes, and was full of a rather mincing civility. + +"Pray, Mrs. Cobb, may I get you another cup of tea?"--"Just one more +piece of cake, Mr. Alce?"--"Oh, please, Miss Prickett--just a leetle bit +of ham." + +Ellen followed her sister about, pulling at her skirt. She was dressed +in white, and her hair was crimped, and tied with pink ribbons. At eight +o'clock she was ordered up to bed and there was a great uproar, before, +striking out in all directions, she was carried upstairs under Joanna's +stalwart arm. The Rye Quartet tactfully started playing to drown her +screams, which continued for some time in the room overhead. + +The party did not break up till eleven, having spent five hours standing +squeezed like herrings under the Ansdore beams, eating and drinking and +talking, to the strains of "The Blue Danube" and "See Me Dance the +Polka." Local opinion was a little bewildered by the entertainment--it +had been splendid, no doubt, and high-class to an overwhelming degree, +but it had been distinctly uncomfortable, even tiresome, and a great +many people were upset by eating too much, since the refreshments had +been served untiringly from six to eleven, while others had not had +enough, being nervous of eating their food so far from a table, and +clinging throughout the evening to their first helpings. + +To Joanna, however, the evening was an uncriticized success, and she was +inspired to repeat it on a humbler scale for the benefit of her +servants. She knew that at big houses there was often a servants' ball +at Christmas, and though she had at present no definite ambition to push +herself into the Manor Class, she was anxious that Ansdore should have +every pomp and that things should be "done proper." The mere solid +comfort of prosperity was not enough for her--she wanted the glitter and +glamour of it as well, she wanted her neighbours not only to realize it +but to exclaim about it. + +Thus inspired she asked Prickett, Vine, Furnese and other yeomen and +tenants of the Marsh to send their hands, men and maids, to Ansdore, for +dancing and supper on New Year's Eve. She found this celebration even +more thrilling than the earlier one. Somehow these humbler preparations +filled more of her time and thought than when she had prepared to +entertain her peers. She would not wear her low dress, of course, but +she would have her pink one "done up"--a fall of lace and some beads +sewn on, for she must look her best. She saw herself opening the ball +with Dick Socknersh, her hand in his, his clumsy arm round her waist.... +Of course old Stuppeny was technically the head man at Ansdore, but he +was too old to dance--she would see he had plenty to eat and drink +instead--she would take the floor with Dick Socknersh, and all eyes +would be fixed upon her. + +They certainly were, except when they dropped for a wink at a neighbour. +Joanna waltzing with Socknersh to the trills of Mr. Elphick, the Brodnyx +schoolmaster, seated at the tinkling, ancient Collard, Joanna in her +pink gown, close fitting to her waist and then abnormally bunchy, with +her hair piled high and twisted with a strand of ribbon, with her face +flushed, her lips parted and her eyes bright, was a sight from which no +man and few women could turn their eyes. Her vitality and happiness +seemed to shine from her skin, almost to light up the dark and heavy +figure of Socknersh in his Sunday blacks, as he staggered and stumbled, +for he could not dance. His big hand pawed at her silken waist, while +the other held hers crumpled in it--his hair was greased with butter, +and his skin with the sweat of his endeavour as he turned her round. + +That was the only time Joanna danced that night. For the rest of the +evening she went about among her guests, seeing that all were well fed +and had partners. As time went on, gradually her brightness dimmed, and +her eyes became almost anxious as she searched among the dancers. Each +time she looked she seemed to see the same thing, and each time she saw +it, it was as if a fresh veil dropped over her eyes. + +At last, towards the end of the evening, she went up again to Socknersh. + +"Would you like me to dance this polka with you that's coming?" + +"Thank you, missus--I'd be honoured, missus--but I'm promised to Martha +Tilden." + +"Martha!--You've danced with her nearly all the evening." + +"She's bin middling kind to me, missus, showing me the steps and hops." + +"Oh, well, since you've promised you must pay." + +She turned her back on him, then suddenly smarted at her own +pettishness. + +"You've the makings of a good dancer in you, if you'll learn," she said +over her shoulder. "I'm glad Martha's teaching you." + + + + +§14 + +Lambing was always late upon the Marsh. The wan film of the winter +grasses had faded off the April green before the innings became noisy +with bleating, and the new-born lambs could match their whiteness with +the first flowering of the blackthorn. + +It was always an anxious time--though the Marsh ewes were hardy--and +sleepless for shepherds, who from the windows of their lonely lambing +huts watched the yellow spring-dazzle of the stars grow pale night after +night. They were bad hours to be awake, those hours of the April dawn, +for in them, the shepherds said, a strange call came down from the +country inland, straying scents of moss and primroses reaching out +towards the salt sea, calling men away from the wind-stung levels and +the tides and watercourses, to where the little inland farms sleep in +the sheltered hollows among the hop-bines, and the sunrise is warm with +the scent of hidden flowers. + +Dick Socknersh began to look wan and large-eyed under the strain--he +looked more haggard than the shepherd of Yokes Court or the shepherd of +Birdskitchen, though they kept fast and vigil as long as he. His +mistress, too, had a fagged, sorrowful air, and soon it became known all +over the Three Marshes that Ansdore's lambing that year had been a +gigantic failure. + +"It's her own fault," said Prickett at the Woolpack, "and serve her +right for getting shut of old Fuller, and then getting stuck on this +furrin heathen notion of Spanish sheep. Anyone could have told her as +the lambs ud be too big and the ewes could never drop them safe--she +might have known it herself, surelye." + +"It's her looker that should ought to have known better," said Furnese. +"Joanna Godden's a woman, fur all her man's ways, and you can't expéct +her to have präaper know wud sheep." + +"I wonder if she'll get shut of him after this," said Vine. + +"Not she! She don't see through him yet." + +"She'll never see through him," said Prickett solemnly. "The only kind +of man a woman ever sees through is the kind she don't like to look at." + +Joanna certainly did not "see through" Dick Socknersh. She knew that she +was chiefly to blame for the tragedy of her lambing, and when her reason +told her that her looker should have discouraged instead of obeyed and +abetted her, she rather angrily tossed the thought aside. Socknersh had +the sense to realize that she knew more about sheep than he, and he had +not understood that in this matter she was walking out of her knowledge +into experiment. No one could have known that the scheme would turn out +so badly--the Spanish rams had not been so big after all, only a little +bigger than her ewes ... if anyone should have foreseen trouble it was +the Northampton farmer who knew the size of Spanish lambs at birth, and +from his Kentish experience must also have some knowledge of Romney +Marsh sheep. + +But though she succeeded in getting all the guilt off her looker and +some of it off herself, she was nevertheless stricken by the greatness +of the tragedy. It was not only the financial losses in which she was +involved, or the derision of her neighbours, or the fulfilment of their +prophecy--or even the fall of her own pride and the shattering of that +dream in which the giant sheep walked--there was also an element of +almost savage pity for the animals whom her daring had betrayed. Those +dead ewes, too stupid to mate themselves profitably and now the victims +of the farm-socialism that had experimented with them.... At first she +ordered Socknersh to save the ewes even at the cost of the lambs, then +when in the little looker's hut she saw a ewe despairingly lick the +fleece of its dead lamb, an even deeper grief and pity smote her, and +she burst suddenly and stormily into tears. + +Sinking on her knees on the dirty floor, she covered her face, and +rocked herself to and fro. Socknersh sat on his three-legged stool, +staring at her in silence. His forehead crumpled slightly and his mouth +twitched, as the slow processes of his thought shook him. The air was +thick with the fumes of his brazier, from which an angry red glow fell +on Joanna as she knelt and wept. + + + + +§15 + +When the first sharpness of death had passed from Ansdore, Joanna's +sanguine nature, her hopeful bumptiousness, revived. Her pity for the +dead lambs and her fellow-feeling of compassion for the ewes would +prevent her ever dreaming of a new experiment, but already she was +dreaming of a partial justification of the old one--her cross-bred lambs +would grow so big both in size and price that they would, even in their +diminished numbers pay for her daring and proclaim its success to those +who jeered and doubted. + +Certainly those lambs which had survived their birth now promised well. +They were bigger than the purebred Kent lambs, and seemed hardy enough. +Joanna watched them grow, and broke away from Marsh tradition to the +extent of giving them cake--she was afraid they might turn bony. + +As the summer advanced she pointed them out triumphantly to one or two +farmers. They were fine animals, she said, and justified her experiment, +though she would never repeat it on account of the cost; she did not +expect to do more than cover her expenses. + +"You'll be lucky if you do that," said Prickett rather brutally, "they +look middling poor in wool." + +Joanna was not discouraged, nor even offended, for she interpreted all +Prickett's remarks in the light of Great Ansdore's jealousy of Little +Ansdore. + +Later on Martha Tilden told her that they were saying much the same at +the Woolpack. + +"I don't care what they say at the Woolpack," cried Joanna, "and what +business have you to know what they say there? I don't like my gals +hanging around pubs." + +"I didn't hang aräound, ma'am. 'Twas Socknersh töald me." + +"Socknersh had no business to tell you--it's no concern of yours." + +Martha put her hand over her mouth to hide a grin, but Joanna could see +it in her eyes and the dimples of her cheeks. + +A sudden anger seized her. + +"I won't have you gossiping with Socknersh, neither--you keep away from +my men. I've often wondered why the place looks in proper need of +scrubbing, and now I know. You can do your work or you can pack off. I +won't have you fooling around with my men." + +"I döan't fool aräound wud your men," cried Martha indignantly. She was +going to add "I leave that to you," but she thought better of it, +because for several reasons she wanted to keep her place. + +Joanna flounced off, and went to find Socknersh at the shearing. In the +shelter of some hurdles he and one or two travelling shearers were busy +with the ewes' fleeces. She noticed that the animal Socknersh was +working on lay quiet between his feet, while the other men held theirs +with difficulty and many struggles. The July sunshine seemed to hold the +scene as it held the Marsh in a steep of shining stillness. The silence +was broken by many small sounds--the clip of the shears, the panting of +the waiting sheep and of the dogs that guarded them, and every now and +then the sudden scraping scuttle of the released victim as it sprang up +from the shearer's feet and dashed off to where the shorn sheep huddled +naked and ashamed together. Joanna watched for a moment without +speaking; then suddenly she broke out: + +"Socknersh, I hear it's said that the new lambs ull be poor in wool." + +"They're saying it, missus, but it äun't true." + +"I don't care if it's true or not. You shouldn't ought to tell my gal +Martha such things before you tell me." + +Socknersh's eyes opened wide, and the other men looked up from their +work. + +"Seemingly," continued Joanna, "everyone on this farm hears everything +before I do, and it ain't right. Next time you hear a lot of tedious +gossip, Dick Socknersh, you come and tell me, and don't waste it on the +gals, making them idle." + +She went away, her eyes bright with anger, and then suddenly her heart +smote her. Suppose Socknersh took offence and gave notice. She had +rebuked him publicly before the hired shearers--it was enough to make +any man turn. But what should she do if he went?--He must not go. She +would never get anyone like him. She almost turned and went back, but +had enough sense to stop--a public apology would only make a worse +scandal of a public rebuke. She must wait and see him alone ... the next +minute she knew further that she must not apologize, and the minute +after she knew further still--almost further than she could bear--that +in denying herself an apology she was denying herself a luxury, that she +wanted to apologize, to kneel at Socknersh's clay-caked feet and beg his +forgiveness, to humble herself before him by her penitence so that he +could exalt her by his pardon.... + +"Good sakes! Whatever's the matter with me?" thought Joanna. + + + + +§16 + +Her apology took the discreet form of a side of bacon, and Socknersh did +not give notice--had evidently never thought of it. Of course the +shearers spread the story of Joanna's outburst when they went on to +Slinches and Birdskitchen and other farms, but no one was surprised that +the shepherd stayed on. + +"He'd never be such a fool as to give up being looker a day before she +makes him master," said Cobb of Slinches. + +"And when he's master," said Mrs. Cobb, "he'll get his own back for her +sassing him before Harmer and his men." + +A few weeks later Socknersh brought the first of the cross-bred lambs to +market at Rye, and Joanna's wonderful sheep-breeding scheme was finally +sealed a failure. The lambs were not only poor in wool, but coarse in +meat, and the butchers would not deal, small mutton being the fashion. +Altogether they fetched lower prices than the Kent lambs, and the rumour +of Ansdore's losses mounted to over four hundred pounds. + +Rumour was not very wide of the fact--what with hiring fees, railway +expenses, the loss of ewes and lambs at the lambing, and the extra diet +and care which panic had undertaken for the survivors, the venture had +put about two hundred and sixty pounds on the debit side of Joanna's +accounts. She was able to meet her losses--her father had died with a +comfortable balance in Lewes Old Bank, and she had always paid ready +money, so was without any encumbrance of debt--but Ansdore was bound to +feel the blow, which had shorn it of its fleece of pleasant profits. +Joanna was for the first time confronted by the need for economy, and +she hated economy with all the lavish, colour-loving powers of her +nature. Even now she would not bend herself to retrenchment--not a man +less in the yard, not a girl less in the kitchen, as her neighbours had +expected. + +But the failure of the cross-bred lambs did not end the tale of +Ansdore's misadventures. There was a lot of dipping for sheep-scab on +the Marsh that August, and it soon became known that several of Joanna +Godden's sheep and lambs had died after the second dip. + +"That's her valiant Socknersh again," said Prickett--"guv 'em a double +arsenic dip. Good sakes! That woman had better be quick and marry him +before he does any more harm as her looker." + +"There's more than he gives a double arsenic dip, surelye." + +"Surelye--but they mixes the can a bit. Broadhurst says as Socknersh's +second dip was as strong as his first." + +The feeling about Socknersh's incapacity reached such a point that more +than one warning was given Joanna for her father's sake, and one at +least for her own, from Arthur Alce. + +"I shouldn't say it, Joanna, if it wasn't true, but a man who puts a +sheep into poison-wash twice in a fortnight isn't fit to be anyone's +looker." + +"But we were dipping for sheep-scab--that takes something stronger than +Keatings." + +"Yes, but the point is, d'you see, that you give 'em the first dip in +arsenic stuff, and the next shouldn't ought to be poison at all--there's +a lot of good safe dips on the market, that ull do very well for a +second wash." + +"Socknersh knows his business." + +"He don't--that's why I'm speaking. Fuller ud never have done what he's +done. He's lost you a dozen prime sheep on the top of all your other +losses." + +The reference was unfortunate. Joanna's cheekbones darkened ominously. + +"It's all very well for you to talk, Arthur Alce, for you think no one +can run Ansdore except yourself who'll never get the chance. It's well +known around, in spite of what you say, that Socknersh is valiant with +sheep--no one can handle 'em as he can; at the shearing Harmer and his +men were full of it--how the ewes ud keep quiet for him as for nobody +else--and 'twas the same at the lambing. It wasn't his fault that the +lambs died, but because that chap at Northampton never told us what he +should ought.... I tell you, I've never had anyone like him for handling +sheep--they're quite different with him from what they were with that +rude old Fuller, barking after 'em like a dog along the Brodnyx road and +bringing 'em up to Rye all raggled and draggled and dusty as mops ... he +knows how to manage sheep--he's like one of themselves." + +"That's just about it--he's like another sheep, so they ain't scared of +him, but he can do no more for 'em than another sheep could, neither. +He's ignorant--he's got no sense nor know, or he'd never have let you +breed with them Spanishes, or given 'em a poisonous double-dip--and he's +always having sway-backs up at market, too, and tic and hoose and +fluke.... Oh, Joanna, if you're any bit wise you'll get shut of him +before he messes you all up. And you know what folks say--they say you'd +have got shut of him months agone if you hadn't been so unaccountable +set on him, so as they say--yes, they say one day you'll marry him and +make him master of Ansdore." + +Alce's face flamed as red as his whiskers and nearly as red as Joanna's +cheeks. For a moment she faced him speechless, her mouth open. + +"Oh, that's what they say, is it!" she broke out at last. "They say I'd +marry Dick Socknersh, who looks after my sheep, and who's like a sheep +himself. They think I'd marry a man who's got no more'n two words on his +tongue and half that number of ideas in his head--who can't think +without its giving him a headache--who comes of no class of people--his +father and mother were hedge people up at Anvil Green--who gets eighteen +bob a week as my looker--who--" + +"Don't get so vrothered, Joanna. I'm only telling you what folk say, and +if you'll stop and think you'll see they've got some reason. Your +looker's done things that no farmer on this Marsh ud put up with a +month, and yet you keep him on, you with all your fine ideas about +farming and running Ansdore as your poor father ud have had it ... and +then he's a well set-up young man too, nice-looking and stout as I won't +deny, and you're a young woman that I'd say was nice-looking too, and +it's only natural folks should talk when they see a pretty woman hanging +on to a handsome chap in spite of his having half bust her." + +"He hasn't half bust me, nor a quarter, neither--and I ain't hanging on +to him, as you're elegant enough to say. I keep him as my looker because +he's valiant with the sheep and manages 'em as if born to it, and +because he minds what I say and doesn't sass me back or meddle, as some +I could name. As for being set on him, I'm not so far below myself as +all that. You must think unaccountable low of me, Arthur Alce, if you +figure I'd get sweet on a man who's courting my chicken-gal, which is +what Dick Socknersh is doing." + +"Courting Martha Tilden?" + +"Yes, my chicken-gal. And you think I'd look at him!--I!... You must +think middling low of me, Arthur Alce ... a man who's courting my +chicken-gal." + +"I'd always thought as Martha Tilden--but you must know best. Well, if +he's courting her I hope as he'll marry her soon and show folks they're +wrong about him and you." + +"They should ought to be ashamed of themselves to need showing. I look +at a man who's courting my chicken-gal!--I never! I tell you what I'll +do--I'll raise his wages, so as he can marry her at once--my +chicken-gal--and so as folk ull know that I'm satisfied with him as my +looker." + +And Joanna marched off up the drive, where this conversation had taken +place. + + + + +§17 + +She raised Socknersh's wages to twenty shillings the next day, and it +was not due to any wordy flow of his gratitude that the name of Martha +Tilden was not mentioned between them. "Better leave it," thought Joanna +to herself, "after all, I'm not sure--and she's a slut. I'd sooner he +married a cleaner, steadier sort of gal." + +Grace Wickens had already departed, her cocoa-making tendencies having +lately passed into mania--and her successor was an older woman, a widow, +who had fallen on evil days. She was a woman of few words, and Joanna +wondered a little when one afternoon she said to her rather anxiously: +"I'd lik to speak to you, ma'am--in private, if you please." + +They went into the larder and Mrs. Tolhurst began: + +"I hardly lik to say it to you, Miss Joanna, being a single +spinster ..." + +This was a bad beginning, for Joanna flamed at once at the implication +that her spinsterhood put her at any disadvantage as a woman of the +world. + +"Don't talk nonsense, Mrs. Tolhurst; I may be unwed as yet, but I'm none +of your Misses." + +"No, ma'am--well, it's about this Martha Tilden--" + +Joanna started. + +"What about her?" + +"Only, ma'am, that she's six months gone." + +There was no chair in the larder, or Joanna would have fallen into +it--instead she staggered back against the shelves, with a great rattle +of crockery. Her face was as white as her own plates, and for a moment +she could not speak. + +"I made bold to tell you, Miss Joanna, for all the neighbourhood's +beginning to talk--and the gal getting near her time and all.... I +thought maybe you'd have noticed.... Don't be in such a terrification +about it, Miss Joanna.... I'm sorry I told you--maybe I shud ought to +have spuck to the gal fust ..." + +"Don't be a fool ... the dirty slut!--I'll learn her ... under my very +roof--" + +"Oh, no, ma'am,'twasn't under your roof--we shouldn't have allowed it. +She used to meet him in the field down by Beggar's Bush ..." + +"Hold your tongue." + +Mrs. Tolhurst was offended; she thought her mistress's behaviour +unwarranted either by modesty or indignation. There were burning tears +in Joanna's eyes as she flung herself out of the room. She was blind as +she went down the passage, twisting her apron furiously in her hands. + +"Martha Tilden!" she called--"Martha Tilden!" + +"Oh," she thought in her heart, "I raised his wages so's he could marry +her--for months this has been going on ... the field down by Beggar's +Bush ... Oh, I could kill her!" Then shouting into the yard--"Martha +Tilden! Martha Tilden!" + +"I'm coming, Miss Joanna," Martha's soft drawly voice increased her +bitterness; her own, compared with it, sounded harsh, empty, +inexperienced. Martha's voice was full of the secrets of love--the +secrets of Dick Socknersh's love. + +"Come into the dairy," she said hoarsely. + +Martha came and stood before her. She evidently knew what was ahead, for +she looked pale and a little scared, and yet she had about her a strange +air of confidence ... though not so strange, after all, since she +carried Dick Socknersh's child, and her memory was full of his caresses +and the secrets of his love ... thus bravely could Joanna herself have +faced an angry world.... + +"You leave my service at once," she said. + +Martha began to cry. + +"You know what for?" + +"Yes, Miss Joanna." + +"I wonder you've had the impudence to go about as you've done--eating my +food and taking my wages, while all the time you've been carrying on +with my looker." + +"Your looker?--No, Miss Joanna." + +"What d'you mean?" + +"I don't know what _you_ mean, miss--I've never had näun to do wud Dick +Socknersh if it's him you're thinking of." + +"Not Socknersh, but I ... who _is_ the man, then?" + +"Well, it äun't no secret from anyone but you, Miss Joanna, so I döan't +mind telling you as my boy is Peter Relf, their looker at Old +Honeychild. We've bin walking out ever sinst the day he came after your +pläace as looker here, and we'd be married now if he hadn't his old +mother and dad to keep, and got into some nasty silly trouble wud them +fellers wot put money on horses they've never seen.... He döan't get +more'n fifteen bob a week at Honeychild, and he can't keep the old folk +on less than eight, them being always filling themselves with doctor's +stuff...." + +Joanna was not listening to her--she sat amazed and pale, her heart +beating in heavy thuds of relief. Mixed with her happiness there was a +little shame, for she saw that the mistake had arisen from her putting +herself too realistically in Martha's place. Why had she jumped to the +conclusion that the girl's lover was Socknersh? It is true that he had +danced with her very often at the Christmas party nine months ago, and +once since then she had scolded him for telling the chicken-woman some +news he ought first to have told the mistress ... but that was very +little in the way of evidence, and Martha had always been running after +boys.... + +Seeing her still silent, Martha began to cry again. + +"I'm sure I'm unaccountable sorry, Miss Joanna, and what's to become of +me I don't know, nuther. Maybe I'm a bad lot, but it's hard to love and +wait on and on for the wedding ... and Pete was sure as he could do +summat wud a horse running in the Derby race, and at the Woolpack they +told him it wur bound to win.... I've always kept straight up till this, +Miss Joanna, and a virtuous virgin for all I do grin and laugh a lot ... +and many's the temptation I've had, being a lone gal wudout father or +mother ..." + +"Keep quiet, Martha, and have done with so much excuse. You've been a +very wicked gal, and you shouldn't ought to think any different of +yourself. But maybe I was too quick, saying you were to go at once. You +can finish your month, seeing as you were monthly hired." + +"Thank you, Miss Joanna, that'll give me time to look around for another +pläace; though--" bursting out crying again--"I don't see what good +that'll do me, seeing as my time's three months from hence." + +A great softness had come over Joanna. There were tears in her eyes as +she looked at Martha, but they were no longer tears of anger. + +"Don't cry, child," she said kindly, "I'll see you don't come to want." + +"Oh, thank you, Miss Joanna ... it's middling good of you, and Pete will +repay you when we're married and have säaved some tin." + +"I'll do my best, for you've worked well on the whole, and I shan't +forget that Orpington hen you saved when she was egg-bound. But don't +you think, Martha," she added seriously, "that I'm holding with any of +your goings-on. I'm shocked and ashamed at you, for you've done +something very wicked--something that's spoken against in the Bible, and +in church too--it's in the Ten Commandments. I wonder you could kneel in +your place and say 'Lord have mercy upon us,' knowing what you'd been up +to"--Martha's tears flowed freely--"and it's sad to think you've kept +yourself straight for years as you say, and then gone wrong at last, +just because you hadn't patience to wait for your lawful wedding ... and +all the scandal there's been and ull be, and folks talking at you and at +me ... and you be off now, and tell Mrs. Tolhurst you're to have the +cream on your milk and take it before it's skimmed." + + + + +§18 + +For the rest of the day Joanna was in a strange fret--dreams seemed to +hang over life like mist, there was sorrow in all she did, and yet a +queer, suffocating joy. She told herself that she was upset by Martha's +revelation, but at the same time she knew it had upset her not so much +in itself as in the disturbing new self-knowledge it had brought. She +could not hide from herself that she was delighted, overjoyed to find +that her shepherd did not love her chicken-girl, that the thoughts she +had thought about them for nine months were but vain thoughts. + +Was it true, then, that she was moving along that road which the +villages had marked out for her--the road which would end before the +Lion and the Unicorn in Brodnyx church, with her looker as her +bridegroom? The mere thought was preposterous to her pride. She, her +father's daughter, to marry his father's son!--the suspicion insulted +her. She loved herself and Ansdore too well for that ... and Socknersh, +fine fellow as he was, had no mind and very little sense--he could +scarcely read and write, he was slow as an ox, and had common ways and +spoke the low Marsh talk--he drank out of his saucer and cut his bread +with his pocket-knife--he spat in the yard. How dared people think she +would marry him?--that she was so undignified, infatuated and +unfastidious as to yoke herself to a slow, common boor? Her indignation +flamed against the scandal-mongers ... that Woolpack! She'd like to see +their licence taken away, and then perhaps decent women's characters +would be safe.... + +But folk said it was queer she should keep on Socknersh when he had +done her such a lot of harm--they made sure there must be something +behind it. For the first time Joanna caught a glimpse of his +shortcomings as a looker, and in a moment of vision asked herself if it +wasn't really true that he ought to have known about that dip. Was she +blinding herself to his incapacity simply because she liked to have him +about the place--to see his big stooping figure blocked against the +sunset--to see his queer eyes light up with queer thoughts that were +like a dog's thoughts or a sheep's thoughts ... to watch his hands, big +and heavy and brown, with the earth worked into the skin ... and his +neck, when he lifted his head, brown as his hands, and like the trunk of +an oak with roots of firm, beautiful muscle in the field of his broad +chest? + +Then Joanna was scared--she knew she ought not to think of her looker +so; and she told herself that she kept him on just because he was the +only man she'd ever had about the place who had minded her properly.... + +When evening came, she began to feel stifled in the house, where she had +been busy ironing curtains, and tying on her old straw hat went out for +a breath of air on the road. There was a light mist over the +watercourses, veiling the pollards and thorn trees and the reddening +thickets of Ansdore's bush--a flavour of salt was in it, for the tides +were high in the channels, and the sunset breeze was blowing from Rye +Bay. Northward, the Coast--as the high bank marking the old shores of +England before the flood was still called--was dim, like a low line of +clouds beyond the marsh. The sun hung red and rayless above Beggar's +Bush, a crimson ball of frost and fire. + +A queer feeling of sadness came to Joanna--queer, unaccountable, yet +seeming to drain itself from the very depths of her body, and to belong +not only to her flesh but to the marsh around her, to the pastures with +their tawny veil of withered seed-grasses, to the thorn-bushes spotted +with the red haws, to the sky and to the sea, and the mists in which +they merged together.... + +"I'll get shut of Socknersh," she said to herself--"I believe folks are +right, and he's too like a sheep himself to be any real use to them." + +She walked on a little way, over the powdery Brodnyx road. + +"I'm silly--that's what I am. Who'd have thought it? I'll send him +off--but then folks ull say I'm afraid of gossip." + +She chewed the bitter cud of this idea over a hurrying half mile, which +took her across the railway, and then brought her back, close to the +Kent Ditch. + +"I can't afford to let the place come to any harm--besides, what does +it matter what people think or say of me? I don't care.... But it'll +be a mortal trouble getting another looker and settling him to my +ways--and I'll never get a man who'll mind me as poor Socknersh does. +I want a man with a humble soul, but seemingly you can't get that +through advertising...." + +She had come to the bridge over the Kent Ditch, and Sussex ended in a +swamp of reeds. Looking southward she saw the boundaries of her own +land, the Kent Innings, dotted with sheep, and the shepherd's cottage +among them, its roof standing out a bright orange under the fleece of +lichen that smothered the tiles. It suddenly struck her that a good way +out of her difficulty might be a straight talk with Socknersh. He would +probably be working in his garden now, having those few evening hours as +his own. Straining her eyes into the shining thickness of mist and sun, +she thought she could see his blue shirt moving among the bean-rows and +hollyhocks around the little place. + +"I'll go and see him and talk it out--I'll tell him that if he won't +have proper sense he must go. I've been soft, putting up with him all +this time." + +Being marsh bred, Joanna did not take what seemed the obvious way to the +cottage, across the low pastures by the Kent Ditch; instead, she went +back a few yards to where a dyke ran under the road. She followed it out +on the marsh, and when it cut into another dyke she followed that, +walking on the bank beside the great teazle. A plank bridge took her +across between two willows, and after some more such movements, like a +pawn on a chess-board, she had crossed three dykes and was at the +shepherd's gate. + +He was working at the farther side of the garden and did not see her +till she called him. She had been to his cottage only once before, when +he complained of the roof leaking, but Socknersh would not have shown +surprise if he had seen Old Goodman of the marsh tales standing at his +door. Joanna had stern, if somewhat arbitrary, notions of propriety, and +now not only did she refuse to come inside the gate, but she made him +come and stand outside it, among the seed-grasses which were like the +ghost of hay. + +It struck her that she had timed her visit a little too late. Already +the brightness had gone from the sunset, leaving a dull red ball hanging +lustreless between the clouds. There was no wind, but the air seemed to +be moving slowly up from the sea, heavy with mist and salt and the scent +of haws and blackberries, of dew-soaked grass and fleeces.... Socknersh +stood before her with his blue shirt open at the neck. From him came a +smell of earth and sweat ... his clothes smelt of sheep.... + +She opened her mouth to tell him that she was highly displeased with the +way he had managed her flock since the shearing, but instead she only +said: + +"Look!" + +Over the eastern rim of the Marsh the moon had risen, a red, lightless +disk, while the sun, red and lightless too, hung in the west above Rye +Hill. The sun and the moon looked at each other across the marsh, and +midway between them, in the spell of their flushed, haunted glow, stood +Socknersh, big and stooping, like some lonely beast of the earth and +night.... A strange fear touched Joanna--she tottered, and his arm came +out to save her.... + +It was as if Marsh itself enfolded her, for his clothes and skin were +caked with the soil of it.... She opened her eyes, and looking up into +his, saw her own face, infinitely white and small, looking down at her +out of them. Joanna Godden looked at her out of Socknersh's eyes. She +stirred feebly, and she found that he had set her a little way from him, +still holding her by the shoulders, as if he feared she would fall. + +"Do you feel better, missus?" + +"I'm all right," she snapped. + +"I beg your pardon if I took any liberty, missus. But I thought maybe +you'd turned fainty-like." + +"You thought wrong"--her anger was mounting--"I trod on a mole-hill. +You've messed my nice alpaca body--if you can't help getting dirt all +over yourself you shouldn't ought to touch a lady even if she's in a +swound." + +"I'm middling sorry, missus." + +His voice was quite tranquil--it was like oil on the fire of Joanna's +wrath. + +"Maybe you are, and so am I. You shouldn't ought to have cotched hold of +me like that. But it's all of a match with the rest of your doings, you +great stupid owl. You've lost me more'n a dozen prime sheep by not +mixing your dip proper--after having lost me the best of my ewes and +lambs with your ignorant notions--and now you go and put finger marks +over my new alpaca body, all because you won't think, or keep yourself +clean. You can take a month's notice." + +Socknersh stared at her with eyes and mouth wide open. + +"A month's notice," she repeated, "it's what I came here to give you. +You're the tale of all the parish with your ignorance. I'd meant to talk +to you about it and give you another chance, but now I see there'd be no +sense in that, and you can go at the end of your month." + +"You'll give me a character, missus?" + +"I'll give you a prime character as a drover or a ploughman or a carter +or a dairyman or a housemaid or a curate or anything you like except a +looker. Why should I give you eighteen shillun a week as my +looker--twenty shillun, as I've made it now--when my best wether could +do what you do quite as well and not take a penny for it? You've got no +more sense or know than a tup ..." + +She stopped, breathless, her cheeks and eyes burning, a curious ache in +her breast. The sun was gone now, only the moon hung flushed in the +foggy sky. Socknersh's face was in darkness as he stood with his back to +the east, but she could see on his features a look of surprise and +dismay which suddenly struck her as pathetic in its helpless stupidity. +After all, this great hulking man was but a child, and he was unhappy +because he must go, and give up his snug cottage and the sheep he had +learned to care for and the kind mistress who gave him sides of +bacon.... There was a sudden strangling spasm in her throat, and his +face swam into the sky on a mist of tears, which welled up in her eyes +as without another word she turned away. + +His voice came after her piteously-- + +"Missus--missus--but you raised my wages last week." + + + + +§19 + +Her tears were dry by the time she reached home, but in the night they +flowed again, accompanied by angry sobs, which she choked in her pillow, +for fear of waking little Ellen. + +She cried because she was humbled in her own eyes. It was as if a veil +had been torn from the last two years, and she saw her motives at last. +For two years she had endured an ignorant, inefficient servant simply +because his strength and good looks had enslaved her susceptible +womanhood.... + +Her father would never have acted as she had done; he would not have +kept Socknersh a single month; he would not have engaged him at +all--both Relf of Honeychild and Day of Slinches were more experienced +men, with better recommendations; and yet she had chosen +Socknersh--because his brown eyes had held and drowned her judgment, as +surely as they had held her image, so dwindled and wan, when she looked +into them that evening, between the setting sun and the rising moon. + +Then, after she had engaged him, he had shown just enough natural +capacity for her to blind herself with--his curious affinity with the +animals he tended had helped her to forget the many occasions on which +he had failed to rise above them in intelligence. It had been left to +another to point out to her that a man might be good with sheep simply +because he was no better than a sheep himself. + +And now she was humbled--in her own eyes, and also in the eyes of her +neighbours. She would have to confess herself in the wrong. Everyone +knew that she had just raised Socknersh's wages, so there would be no +good pretending that she had known his shortcomings from the first, but +had put up with them as long as she could. Everyone would guess that +something had happened to make her change her mind about him ... there +would be some terrible talk at the Woolpack. + +And there was Socknersh himself, poor fellow--the martyr of her +impulses. She thrust her face deep into the pillow when she thought of +him. She had given him as sharp a blow as his thick hide would ever let +him suffer. She would never forget that last look on his face.... + +Then she began wondering why this should have come upon her. Why should +she have made a fool of herself over Socknersh, when she had borne +unmoved the courtship of Arthur Alce for seven years? Was it just +because Alce had red whiskers and red hands and red hair on his hands, +while Socknersh was dark and sweet of face and limb? It was terrible to +think that mere youth and comeliness and virility should blind her +judgment and strip her of common sense. Yet this was obviously the +lesson she must learn from to-day's disgrace. + +Hot and tear-stained, she climbed out of bed, and paced across the dark +room to the grey blot of the window. She forgot her distrust of the +night air in all her misery of throbbing head and heart, and flung back +the casement, so that the soft marsh wind came in, with rain upon it, +and her tears were mingled with the tears of the night. + +"Oh God!" she mourned to herself--"why didn't you make me a man?" + + + + + + +_PART II_ + +FIRST LOVE + + + + +§1 + +It took Joanna nearly two years to recover from the losses of her sheep. +Some people would have done it earlier, but she was not a clever +economist. Where many women on the Marsh would have thrown themselves +into an orgy of retrenchment--ranging from the dismissal of a dairymaid +to the substitution of a cheaper brand of tea--she made no new occasions +for thrift, and persevered but lamely in the old ones. She was fond of +spending--liked to see things trim and bright; she hated waste, +especially when others were guilty of it, but she found a positive +support in display. + +She was also generous. Everybody knew that she had paid Dick Socknersh +thirty shillings for the two weeks that he was out of work after leaving +her--before he went as cattleman to an inland farm--and she had found +the money for Martha Tilden's wedding, and for her lying-in a month +afterwards, and some time later she had helped Peter Relf with ready +cash to settle his debts and move himself and his wife and baby to West +Wittering, where he had the offer of a place with three shillings a week +more than they gave at Honeychild. + +She might have indulged herself still further in this way, which +gratified both her warm heart and her proud head, if she had not wanted +so much to send Ellen to a good school. The school at Rye was all very +well, attended by the daughters of tradesmen and farmers, and taught by +women whom Joanna recognized as ladies; but she had long dreamed of +sending her little sister to a really good school at Folkestone--where +Ellen would wear a ribbon round her hat and go for walks in a long +procession of two-and-two, and be taught wonderful, showy and intricate +things by ladies with letters after their names--whom Joanna despised +because she felt sure they had never had a chance of getting married. + +She herself had been educated at the National School, and from six to +fourteen had trudged to and fro on the Brodnyx road, learning to read +and write and reckon and say her catechism.... But this was not good +enough for Ellen. Joanna had made up her mind that Ellen should be a +lady; she was pretty and lazy and had queer likes and dislikes--all +promising signs of vocation. She would never learn to care for Ansdore, +with its coarse and crowding occupations, so there was no reason why she +should grow up like her sister in capable commonness. Half unconsciously +Joanna had planned a future in which she ventured and toiled, while +Ellen wore a silk dress and sat on the drawing-room sofa--that being the +happiest lot she could picture for anyone, though she would have loathed +it herself. + +In a couple of years Ansdore's credit once more stood high at Lewes Old +Bank, and Ellen could be sent to a select school at Folkestone--so +select indeed that there had been some difficulty about getting her +father's daughter into it. Joanna was surprised as well as disgusted +that the schoolmistress should give herself such airs, for she was very +plainly dressed, whereas Joanna had put on all her most gorgeous apparel +for the interview; but she had been very glad when her sister was +finally accepted as a pupil at Rose Hill House, for now she would have +as companions the daughters of clergymen and squires, and learn no doubt +to model herself on their refinement. She might even be asked to their +homes for her holidays, and, making friends in their circle, take a +short cut to silken immobility on the drawing-room sofa by way of +marriage.... Joanna congratulated herself on having really done very +well for Ellen, though during the first weeks she missed her sister +terribly. She missed their quarrels and caresses--she missed Ellen's +daintiness at meals, though she had often smacked it--she missed her +strutting at her side to church on Sunday--she missed her noisy, +remonstrant setting out to school every morning and her noisy +affectionate return--her heart ached when she looked at the little empty +bed in her room, and being sentimental she often dropped a tear where +she used to drop a kiss on Ellen's pillow. + +Nevertheless she was proud of what she had done for her little sister, +and she was proud too of having restored Ansdore to prosperity, not by +stinging and paring, but by her double capacity for working hard herself +and for getting all the possible work out of others. If no one had gone +short under her roof, neither had anyone gone idle--if the tea was +strong and the butter was thick and there was always prime bacon for +breakfast on Sundays, so was there also a great clatter on the stairs at +five o'clock each morning, a rattle of brooms and hiss and slop of +scrubbing-brushes--and the mistress with clogs on her feet and her +father's coat over her gown, poking her head into the maids' room to see +if they were up, hurrying the men over their snacks, shouting commands +across the yard, into the barns or into the kitchen, and seemingly +omnipresent to those slackers who paused to rest or chat or "put their +feet up." + +That time had scarred her a little--put some lines into the corners of +her eyes and straightened the curling corners of her mouth, but it had +also heightened the rich healthy colour on her cheeks, enlarged her fine +girth, her strength of shoulder and depth of bosom. She did not look any +older, because she was so superbly healthy and superbly proud. She knew +that the neighbours were impressed by Ansdore's thriving, when they had +foretold its downfall under her sway.... She had vindicated her place in +her father's shoes, and best of all, she had expiated her folly in the +matter of Socknersh, and restored her credit not only in the bar of the +Woolpack but in her own eyes. + + + + +§2 + +One afternoon, soon after Ellen had gone back to school for her second +year, when Joanna was making plum jam in the kitchen, and getting very +hot and sharp-tongued in the process, Mrs. Tolhurst saw a man go past +the window on his way to the front door. + +"Lor, miss! There's Parson!" she cried, and the next minute came sounds +of struggle with Joanna's rusty door-bell. + +"Go and see what he wants--take off that sacking apron first--and if he +wants to see me, put him into the parlour." + +Mr. Pratt lacked "visiting" among many other accomplishments as a parish +priest--the vast, strewn nature of his parish partly excused him--and a +call from him was not the casual event it would have been in many +places, but startling and portentous, requiring fit celebration. + +Joanna received him in state, supported by her father's Bible and +stuffed owls. She had kept him waiting while she changed her gown, for +like many people who are sometimes very splendid she could also on +occasion be extremely disreputable, and her jam-making costume was quite +unfit for the masculine eye, even though negligible. Mr. Pratt had grown +rather nervous waiting for her--he had always been afraid of her, +because of her big, breathless ways, and because he felt sure that she +was one of the many who criticized him. + +"I--I've only come about a little thing--at least it's not a little +thing to me, but a very big thing--er--er--" + +"What is it?" asked Joanna, a stuffed owl staring disconcertingly over +each shoulder. + +"For some time there's been complaints about the music in church. Of +course I'm quite sure Mr. Elphick does wonders, and the ladies of the +choir are excellent--er--gifted ... I'm quite sure. But the +harmonium--it's very old and quite a lot of the notes won't play ... and +the bellows ... Mr. Saunders came from Lydd and had a look at it, but he +says it's past repair--er--satisfactory repair, and it ud really save +money in the long run if we bought a new one." + +Joanna was a little shocked. She had listened to the grunts and wheezes +of the harmonium from her childhood, and the idea of a new one disturbed +her--it suggested sacrilege and ritualism and the moving of landmarks. + +"I like what we've got very well," she said truculently--"It's done for +us properly this thirty year." + +"That's just it," said the Rector, "it's done so well that I think we +ought to let it retire from business, and appoint something younger in +its place ... he! he!" He looked at her nervously to see if she had +appreciated the joke, but Joanna's humour was not of that order. + +"I don't like the idea," she said. + +Mr. Pratt miserably clasped and unclasped his hands. He felt that one +day he would be crushed between his parishioners' hatred of change and +his fellow-priests' insistence on it--rumour said that the Squire's +elder son, Father Lawrence, was coming home before long, and the poor +little rector quailed to think of what he would say of the harmonium if +it was still in its place. + +"I--er--Miss Godden--I feel our reputation is at stake. Visitors, you +know, come to our little church, and are surprised to find us so far +behind the times in our music. At Pedlinge we've only got a piano, but +I'm not worrying about that now.... Perhaps the harmonium might be +patched up enough for Pedlinge, where our services are not as yet Fully +Choral ... it all depends on how much money we collect." + +"How much do you want?" + +"Well, I'm told that a cheap, good make would be thirty pounds. We want +it to last us well, you see, as I don't suppose we shall ever have a +proper organ." + +He handed her a little book in which he had entered the names of +subscribers. + +"People have been very generous already, and I'm sure if your name is on +the list they will give better still." + +The generosity of the neighbourhood amounted to five shillings from +Prickett of Great Ansdore, and half-crowns from Vine, Furnese, Vennal, +and a few others. As Joanna studied it she became possessed of two +emotions--one was a feeling that since others, including Great Ansdore, +had given, she could not in proper pride hold back, the other was a +queer savage pity for Mr. Pratt and his poor little collection--scarcely +a pound as the result of all his begging, and yet he had called it +generous.... + +She immediately changed her mind about the scheme, and going over to a +side table where an ink-pot and pen reposed on a woolly mat, she +prepared to enter her name in the little book. + +"I'll give him ten shillings," she said to herself--"I'll have given +the most." + +Mr. Pratt watched her. He found something stimulating in the sight of +her broad back and shoulders, her large presence had invigorated +him--somehow he felt self-confident, as he had not felt for years, and +he began to talk, first about the harmonium, and then about himself--he +was a widower with three pale little children, whom he dragged up +somehow on an income of two hundred a year. + +Joanna was not listening. She was thinking to herself--"My cheque-book +is in the drawer. If I wrote him a cheque, how grand it would look." + +Finally she opened the drawer and took the cheques out. After all, she +could afford to be generous--she had nearly a hundred pounds in Lewes +Old Bank, put aside without any scraping for future "improvements." How +much could she spare? A guinea--that would look handsome, among all the +miserable half-crowns.... + +Mr. Pratt had seen the cheque-book, and a stutter came into his speech-- + +"So good of you, Miss Godden ... to help me ... encouraging, you +know ... been to so many places, a tiring afternoon ... feel rewarded." + +She suddenly felt her throat grow tight; the queer compassion had come +back. She saw him trotting forlornly round from farm to farm, begging +small sums from people much better off than himself, receiving denials +or grudging gifts ... his boots were all over dust, she had noticed them +on her carpet. Her face flushed, as she suddenly dashed her pen into the +ink, wrote out the cheque in her careful, half-educated hand, and gave +it to him. + +"There--that'll save you tramping any further." + +She had written the cheque for the whole amount. + +Mr. Pratt could not speak. He opened and shut his mouth like a fish. +Then suddenly he began to gabble, he poured out thanks and assurances +and deprecations in a stammering torrent. His gratitude overwhelmed +Joanna, disgusted her. She lost her feeling of warmth and +compassion--after all, what should she pity him for now that he had got +what he wanted, and much more easily than he deserved? + +"That's all right, Mr. Pratt. I'm sorry I can't wait any longer now. I'm +making jam." + +She forgot his dusty boots and weary legs that had scarcely had time to +rest, she forgot that she had meant to offer him a cup of tea. + +"Good afternoon," she said, as he rose, with apologies for keeping her. + +She went with him to the door, snatched his hat off the peg and gave it +to him, then crashed the door behind him, her cheeks burning with a +queer kind of shame. + + + + +§3 + +For the next few days Joanna avoided Mr. Pratt; she could not tell why +her munificence should make her dislike him, but it did. One day as she +was walking through Pedlinge she saw him standing in the middle of the +road, talking to a young man whom on approach she recognized as Martin +Trevor, the Squire's second son. She could not get out of his way, as +the Pedlinge dyke was on one side of the road and on the other were some +cottages. To turn back would be undignified, so she decided to pass them +with a distant and lordly bow. + +Unfortunately for this, she could not resist the temptation to glance at +Martin Trevor--she had not seen him for some time, and it was surprising +to meet him in the middle of the week, as he generally came home only +for week-ends. That glance was her undoing--a certain cordiality must +have crept into it, inspired by his broad shoulders and handsome, +swarthy face, for Mr. Pratt was immediately encouraged, and pounced. He +broke away from Trevor to Joanna's side. + +"Oh, Miss Godden ... so glad to meet you. I--I never thanked you +properly last week for your generosity--your munificence. Thought of +writing, but somehow felt that--felt that inadequate.... Mr. Trevor, +I've told you about Miss Godden ... our harmonium ..." + +He had actually seized Joanna's hand. She pulled it away. What a +wretched undersized little chap he was. She could have borne his +gratitude if only he had been a real man, tall and dark and straight +like the young fellow who was coming up to her. + +"Please don't, Mr. Pratt. I wish you wouldn't make all this tedious +fuss." + +She turned towards Martin Trevor with a greeting in her eyes. But to her +surprise she saw that he had fallen back. The Rector had fallen back +too, and the two men stood together, as when she had first come up to +them. + +Joanna realized that she had missed the chance of an introduction. Well, +it didn't matter. She really couldn't endure Mr. Pratt and his ghastly +gratitude. She put her stiffest bow into practice and walked on. + +For the rest of the day she tried to account for young Trevor's mid-week +appearance. Her curiosity was soon satisfied, though she was at a +disadvantage in having no male to bring her news from the Woolpack. +However, she made good use of other people's males, and by the same +evening was possessed of the whole story. Martin Trevor had been ill in +London with pleurisy, and the doctor said his lungs were in danger and +that he must give up office work and lead an open-air life. He was going +to live with his father for a time, and help him farm North Farthing +House--they were taking in a bit more land there, and buying sheep. + + + + +§4 + +That October the Farmers' Club Dinner was held as usual at the Woolpack. +There had been some controversy about asking Joanna--there was +controversy every year, but this year the difference lay in the issue, +for the ayes had it. + +The reasons for this change were indefinite--on the whole, no doubt, it +was because people liked her better. They had grown used to her at +Ansdore, where at first her mastership had shocked them; the scandal and +contempt aroused by the Socknersh episode were definitely dead, and men +took off their hats to the strenuousness with which she had pulled the +farm together, and faced a crisis that would have meant disaster to many +of her neighbours. Ansdore was one of the largest farms of the district, +and it was absurd that it should never be represented at the Woolpack +table merely on the ground that its master was a woman. + +Of course many women wondered how Joanna could face such a company of +males, and suggestions were made for admitting farmers' wives on this +occasion. But Joanna was not afraid, and when approached as to whether +she would like other women invited, or to bring a woman friend, she +declared that she would be quite satisfied with the inevitable presence +of the landlord's wife. + +She realized that she would be far more imposing as the only woman +guest, and made great preparations for a proper display. Among these was +included the buying of a new gown at Folkestone. She thought that +Folkestone, being a port for the channel steamers, would be more likely +to have the latest French fashions than the nearer towns of Bulverhythe +and Marlingate. My I But she would make the Farmers' Club sit up. + +The dressmaker at Folkestone tried to persuade her not to have her +sleeves lengthened or an extra fold of lace arranged along the top of +her bodice. + +"Madam has such a lovely neck and arms--it's a pity to cover them +up--and it spoils the character of the gown. Besides, madam, this gown +is not at all extreme--demi-toilet is what it really is." + +"I tell you it won't do--I'm going to dine alone with several gentlemen, +and it wouldn't be seemly to show such a lot of myself." + +It ended, to the dressmaker's despair, in her draping her shoulders in a +lace scarf and wearing kid gloves to her elbow; but though these +pruderies might have spoilt her appearance at Dungemarsh Court, there +was no doubt as to its effectiveness at the Woolpack. The whole room +held its breath as she sailed in, with a rustle of amber silk skirts. +Her hair was piled high against a tortoise-shell comb, making her +statelier still. + +Furnese of Misleham, who was chairman that year, came gaping to greet +her. The others stared and stood still. Most of them were shocked, in +spite of the scarf and the long gloves, but then it was just like +Joanna Godden to swing bravely through an occasion into which most women +would have crept. She saw that she had made a sensation, which she had +expected and desired, and her physical modesty being appeased, she had +no objection to the men's following eyes. She saw that Sir Harry Trevor +was in the room, with his son Martin. + +It was the first time that the Squire had been to the Farmers' Club +Dinner. Up till then no one had taken him seriously as a farmer. For a +year or two after his arrival in the neighbourhood he had managed the +North Farthing estate through a bailiff, and on the latter's turning out +unsatisfactory, had dismissed him, and at the same time let off a good +part of the land, keeping only a few acres for cow-grazing round the +house. Now, on his son's coming home and requiring an outdoor life, he +had given a quarter's notice to the butcher-grazier to whom he had +sub-let his innings, had bought fifty head of sheep, and joined the +Farmers' Club--which he knew would be a practical step to his advantage, +as it brought certain privileges in the way of marketing and hiring. +Joanna was glad to see him at the Woolpack, because she knew that there +was now a chance of the introduction she had unfortunately missed in +Pedlinge village a few weeks ago. She had a slight market-day +acquaintance with the Old Squire--as the neighbourhood invariably called +him, to his intense annoyance--and now she greeted him with her broad +smile. + +"Good evening, Sir Harry." + +"Good evening, Miss Godden. I'm pleased to see you here. You're looking +very well." + +His bold tricky eyes swept over her, and somehow she felt more gratified +than by all the bulging glances of the other men. + +"I'm pleased to see you, too, Sir Harry. I hear you've joined the Club." + +"Surelye--as a real farmer ought to say; and so has my son Martin--he's +going to do most of the work. Martin, you've never met Miss Godden. Let +me introduce you." + +Joanna's welcoming grin broke itself on the young man's stiff bow. There +was a moment's silence. + +"He doesn't look as if a London doctor had threatened him with +consumption," said the Squire banteringly. "Sometimes I really don't, +think I believe it--I think he's only come down here so as he can look +after me." + +Martin made some conventional remark. He was a tall, broadly built young +man, with a dark healthy skin and that generally robust air which +sometimes accompanies extreme delicacy in men. + +"The doctor says he's been overworking," continued his father, "and that +he ought to try a year's outdoor life and sea air. If you ask me, I +should say he's overdone a good many things besides work--" he threw the +boy a defiant, malicious glance, rather like a child who gets a thrust +into an elder--"but Walland Marsh is as good a cure for over-play as for +over-work. Not much to keep him up late hereabouts, is there, Miss +Godden?" + +"I reckon it'll be twelve o'clock before any of us see our pillows +to-night," said Joanna. + +"Tut! Tut I What terrible ways we're getting into, just when I'm +proposing the place as a rest-cure. How do you feel, Miss Godden, being +the only woman guest?" + +"I like it." + +"Bet you do--so do we." + +Joanna laughed and bridled. She felt proud of her position--she pictured +every farmer's wife on the Marsh lying awake that night so that she +could ask her husband directly he came upstairs how Joanna Godden had +looked, what she had said, and what she had worn. + + + + +§5 + +At dinner she sat on the Chairman's right. On her other side, owing to +some accident of push and shuffle, sat young Martin Trevor. At first she +had not thought his place accidental, in spite of his rather stiff +manner before they sat down, but after a while she realized with a pang +of vexation that he was not particularly pleased to find himself next +her. He replied without interest to her remarks and then entered into +conversation with his right-hand neighbour. Joanna was annoyed--she +could not put down his constraint to shyness, for he did not at all +strike her as a shy young man. Nor was he being ungracious to Mr. +Turner of Beckett's House, though the latter could not talk of turnips +half so entertainingly as Joanna would have done. He obviously did not +want to speak to her. Why? Because of what had happened in Pedlinge all +that time ago? She remembered how he had drawn back ... he had not liked +the way she had spoken to Mr. Pratt. She had not liked it herself by the +time she got to the road's turn. But to think of him nursing his +feelings all this time ... and something she had said to Mr. Pratt ... +considering that she had bought them all a new harmonium ... the lazy, +stingy louts with their half-crowns.... + +She had lost her serenity, her sense of triumph--she felt vaguely angry +with the whole company, and snapped at Arthur Alce when he spoke to her +across the table. He had asked after Ellen, knowing she had been to +Folkestone. + +"Ellen's fine--and learning such good manners as it seems a shame to +bring her into these parts at Christmas for her to lose 'em." + +"On the other hand. Miss Godden, she might impart them to us," said the +Squire from a little farther down. + +"She's learning how to dance and make curtsies right down to the floor," +said Joanna. + +"Then she's fit to see the Queen. You really mustn't keep her away from +us at Christmas--on the contrary, we ought to make some opportunities +for watching her dance; she must be as pretty as a sprite." + +"That she is," agreed Joanna, warming and mollified, "and I've bought +her a new gown that pulls out like an accordion, so as she can wave her +skirts about when she dances." + +"Well, the drawing-room at North Farthing would make an excellent +ball-room ... we must see about that--eh, Martin?" + +"It'll want a new floor laid down--there's rot under the carpet," was +his son's disheartening reply. But Joanna had lost the smarting of her +own wound in the glow of her pride for Ellen, and she ate the rest of +her dinner in good-humoured contempt of Martin Trevor. + +When the time for the speeches came her health was proposed by the +Chairman. + +"Gentlemen," he said, "let us drink to--the Lady." + +The chivalry of the committee had prompted them to offer her Southland +to respond to this toast. But Joanna had doubts of his powers as an +orator, whereas she had none of her own. She stood up, a glow of amber +brightness above all the black coats, and spoke of her gratification, of +her work at Ansdore and hopes for south-country farming. Her speech, as +might have been expected, was highly dogmatic. She devoted her last +words to the Marsh as a grain-bearing district--on one or two farms, +where pasture had been broken, the yield in wheat had been found +excellent. Since that was so, why had so few farms hitherto shown +enterprise in this direction? There was no denying that arable paid +better than pasture, and the only excuse for neglecting it was poverty +of soil. It was obvious that no such poverty existed here--on the +contrary, the soil was rich, and yet no crops were grown in it except +roots and here and there a few acres of beans or lucerne. It was the old +idea, she supposed, about breaking up grass. It was time that old idea +was bust--she herself would lead the way at Ansdore next spring. + +As she was the guest of the evening, they heard her with respect, which +did not, however, survive her departure at the introduction of pipes and +port. + +"Out on the rampage again, is she?" said Southland to his neighbour. + +"Well, if she busts that 'old idea' same as she bust the other 'old +idea' about crossing Kent sheep, all I can say is that it's Ansdore +she'll bust next." + +"Whosumdever breaks pasture shall himself be broke," said Vine +oracularly. + +"Surelye--surelye," assented the table. + +"She's got pluck all the same," said Sir Harry. + +But he was only an amateur. + +"I don't hold for a woman to have pluck," said Vennal of Beggar's Bush, +"what do you say, Mr. Alce?" + +"I say nothing, Mr. Vennal." + +"Pluck makes a woman think she can do without a man," continued Vennal, +"when everyone knows, and it's in Scripture, that she can't. Now Joanna +Godden should ought to have married drackly minute Thomas Godden died +and left her Ansdore, instead of which she's gone on plunging like a +heifer till she must be past eight and twenty as I calculate--" + +"Now, now, Mr. Vennal, we mustn't start anything personal of our lady +guest," broke in Furnese from the Chair, "we may take up her ideas or +take 'em down, but while she's the guest of this here Farmers' Club, +which is till eleven-thirty precise, we mustn't start arguing about her +age or matrimonious intentions. Anyways, I take it, that's a job for our +wives." + +"Hear, hear," and Joanna passed out of the conversation, for who was +going to waste time either taking up or taking down a silly, tedious, +foreign, unsensible notion like ploughing grass?... + +Indeed, it may be said that her glory had gone up in smoke--the smoke of +twenty pipes. + +She had been obliged to leave the table just when it was becoming most +characteristic and convivial, and to retire forlorn and chilly in her +silken gown to the Woolpack parlour, where she and the landlady drank +innumerable cups of tea. It was an unwelcome reminder of the fact that +she was a woman, and that no matter how she might shine and impress the +company for an hour, she did not really belong to it. She was a guest, +not a member, of the Farmers' Club, and though a guest has more honour, +he has less fellowship and fun. It was for fellowship and fun that she +hungrily longed as she sat under the green lamp-shade of the Woolpack's +parlour, and discoursed on servants and the price of turkeys with Mrs. +Jupp, who was rather constrained and absent-minded owing to her +simultaneous efforts to price Miss Godden's gown. Now and then a dull +roar of laughter came to her from the Club room. What were they talking +about, Joanna wondered. Had there been much debate over her remarks on +breaking pasture?... + + + + +§6 + +On the whole, the Farmers' Club Dinner left behind it a rankling +trail--for one thing, it was not followed as she had hoped and half +expected by an invitation to join the Farmers' Club. No, they would +never have a woman privileged among them--she realized that, in spite of +her success, certain doors would always be shut on her. The men would +far rather open those doors ceremonially now and then than allow her to +go freely in and out. After all, perhaps they were right--hadn't she got +her own rooms that they were shut out of?... Women were always +different from men, even if they did the same things ... she had heard +people talk of "woman's sphere." What did that mean? A husband and +children, of course--any fool could tell you that. When you had a +husband and children you didn't go round knocking at the men's doors, +but shut yourself up snugly inside your own ... you were warm and cosy, +and the firelight played on the ceiling.... But if you were alone inside +your room--with no husband or child to keep you company ... then it was +terrible, worse than being outside ... and no wonder you went round to +the men's doors, and knocked on them and begged them to give you a +little company, or something to do to help you to forget your empty +room.... + +"Well, I could marry Arthur Alce any day I liked," she thought to +herself. + +But somehow that did not seem any solution to the problem. + +She thought of one or two other men who had approached her, but had been +scared off before they had reached any definite position of courtship. +They were no good either--young Cobb of Slinches had married six months +ago, and Jack Abbot of Stock Bridge belonged to the Christian Believers, +who kept Sunday on Saturday, and in other ways fathered confusion. +Besides, she didn't want to marry just anyone who would have her--some +dull yeoman who would take her away from Ansdore, or else come with all +his stupid, antiquated, man-made notions to sit for ever on her +enterprising acres. She wanted her marriage to be some big, +neighbour-startling adventure--she wanted either to marry someone above +herself in birth and station, or else very much below. She had touched +the fringe of the latter experience and found it disappointing, so she +felt that she would now prefer the other--she would like to marry some +man of the upper classes, a lawyer or a parson or a squire. The two +first were represented in her mind by Mr. Huxtable and Mr. Pratt, and +she did not linger over them, but the image she had put up for the third +was Martin Trevor--dark, tall, well-born, comely and strong of frame, +and yet with that hidden delicacy, that weakness which Joanna must have +in a man if she was to love him.... + +She had been a fool about Martin Trevor--she had managed to put him +against her at the start. Of course it was silly of him to mind what she +said to Mr. Pratt, but that didn't alter the fact that she had been +stupid herself, that she had failed to make a good impression just when +she most wanted to do so. Martin Trevor was the sort of man she felt she +could "take to," for in addition to his looks he had the quality she +prized in males--the quality of inexperience; he was not likely to +meddle with her ways, since he was only a beginner and would probably be +glad of her superior knowledge and judgment. He would give her what she +wanted--his good name and his good looks and her neighbours' envious +confusion--and she would give him what he wanted, her prosperity and her +experience. North Farthing House was poorer than Ansdore in spite of +late dinners and drawing-rooms--the Trevors could look down on her from +the point of view of birth and breeding but not from any advantage more +concrete. + +As for herself, for her own warm, vigorous, vital person--with that +curious simplicity which was part of her unawakened state, it never +occurred to her to throw herself into the balance when Ansdore was +already making North Farthing kick the beam. She thought of taking a +husband as she thought of taking a farm hand--as a matter of bargaining, +of offering substantial benefits in exchange for substantial services. +If in a secondary way she was moved by romantic considerations, that was +also true of her engagement of her male servants. Just as she saw her +future husband in his possibilities as a farm-hand, in his relations to +Ansdore, so she could not help seeing every farm-hand in his +possibilities as a husband, in his relations to herself. + + + + +§7 + +Martin Trevor would have been surprised had he known himself the object +of so much attention. His attitude towards Joanna was one of +indifference based on dislike--her behaviour towards Mr. Pratt had +disgusted him at the start, but his antipathy was not all built on that +foundation. During the weeks he had been at home, he had heard a good +deal about her--indeed he had found her rather a dominant personality on +the Marsh--and what he had heard had not helped turn him from his first +predisposition against her. + +As a young boy he had shared his brother's veneration of the Madonna, +and though, when he grew up, his natural romanticism had not led him his +brother's way, the boyish ideal had remained, and unconsciously all his +later attitude towards women was tinged with it. Joanna was certainly +not the Madonna type, and all Martin's soul revolted from her broad, +bustling ways--everywhere he went he heard stories of her busyness and +her bluff, of "what she had said to old Southland," or "the sass she had +given Vine." She seemed to him to be an arrant, pushing baggage, running +after notoriety and display. Her rudeness to Mr. Pratt was only part of +the general parcel. He looked upon her as sexless, too, and he hated +women to be sexless--his Madonna was not after Memling but after +Raphael. Though he heard constant gossip about her farming activities +and her dealings at market, he heard none about her passions, the +likelier subject. All he knew was that she had been expected for years +to marry Arthur Alce, but had not done so, and that she had also been +expected at one time to marry her looker, but had not done so. The root +of such romances must be poor indeed if this was all the flower that +gossip could give them. + +Altogether he was prejudiced against Joanna Godden, and the prejudice +did not go deep enough to beget interest. He was not interested in her, +and did not expect her to be interested in him; therefore it was with +great surprise, not to say consternation, that one morning at New Romney +Market he saw her bearing down upon him with the light of battle in her +eye. + +"Good morning, Mr. Trevor." + +"Good morning, Miss Godden." + +"Fine weather." + +"Fine weather." + +He would have passed on, but she barred the way, rather an imposing +figure in her bottle-green driving coat, with a fur toque pressed down +over the flying chestnut of her hair. Her cheeks were not so much +coloured as stained deep with the sun and wind of Walland Marsh, and +though it was November, a mass of little freckles smudged and scattered +over her skin. It had not occurred to him before that she was even a +good-looking creature. + +"I'm thinking, Mr. Trevor," she said deliberately, "that you and me +aren't liking each other as much as we should ought." + +"Really, Miss Godden. I don't see why you need say that." + +"Well, we don't like each other, do we? Leastways, you don't like me. +Now"--lifting a large, well-shaped hand--"you needn't gainsay me, for I +know what you think. You think I was middling rude to Mr. Pratt in +Pedlinge street that day I first met you--and so I think myself, and I'm +sorry, and Mr. Pratt knows it. He came around two weeks back to ask +about Milly Pump, my chicken-gal, getting confirmed, and I told him I +liked him and his ways so much that he could confirm the lot, gals and +men--even old Stuppeny who says he's been done already, but I say it +don't matter, since he's so old that it's sure to have worn off by this +time." + +Martin stared at her with his mouth open. + +"So I say as I've done proper by Mr. Pratt," she continued, her voice +rising to a husky flurry, "for I'll have to give 'em all a day off to +get confirmed in, and that'll be a tedious affair for me. However, I +don't grudge it, if it'll make things up between us--between you and me, +I'm meaning." + +"But, I--I--that is, you've made a mistake--your behaviour to Mr. Pratt +is no concern of mine." + +He was getting terribly embarrassed--this dreadful woman, what would she +say next? Unconsciously yielding to a nervous habit, he took off his cap +and violently rubbed up his hair the wrong way. The action somehow +appealed to Joanna. + +"But it is your concern, I reckon--you've shown me plain that it is. I +could see you were offended at the Farmers' Dinner." + +A qualm of compunction smote Martin. + +"You're showing me that I've been jolly rude." + +"Well, I won't say you haven't," said Joanna affably. "Still you've had +reason. I reckon no one ud like me better for behaving rude to Mr. +Pratt ..." + +"Oh, damn Mr. Pratt!" cried Martin, completely losing his head--"I tell +you I don't care tuppence what you or anyone says or does to him." + +"Then you should ought to care, Mr. Trevor," said Joanna staidly, "not +that I've any right to tell you, seeing how I've behaved. But at least I +gave him a harmonium first--it's only that I couldn't abide the fuss he +made of his thanks. I like doing things for folks, but I can't stand +their making fools of themselves and me over it." + +Trevor had become miserably conscious that they were standing in the +middle of the road, that Joanna was not inconspicuous, and if she had +been, her voice would have made up for it. He could see people--gaitered +farmers, clay-booted farm-hands--staring at them from the pavement. He +suddenly felt himself--not without justification--the chief spectacle of +Romney market-day. + +"Please don't think about it any more, Miss Godden," he said hurriedly. +"I certainly should never presume to question anything you ever said or +did to Mr. Pratt or anybody else. And, if you'll excuse me, I must go +on--I'm a farmer now, you know," with a ghastly attempt at a smile, "and +I've plenty of business in the market." + +"Reckon you have," said Joanna, her voice suddenly falling flat. + +He snatched off his cap and left her standing in the middle of the +street. + + + + +§8 + +He did not let himself think of her for an hour or more--the episode +struck him as grotesque and he preferred not to dwell on it. But after +he had done his business of buying a farm horse, with the help of Mr. +Southland who was befriending his inexperience, he found himself +laughing quietly, and he suddenly knew that he was laughing over the +interview with Joanna. And directly he had laughed, he was smitten with +a sense of pathos--her bustle and self-confidence which hitherto had +roused his dislike, now showed as something rather pathetic, a mere +trapping of feminine weakness which would deceive no one who saw them at +close quarters. Under her loud voice, her almost barbaric appearance, +her queerly truculent manner, was a naïve mixture of child and +woman--soft, simple, eager to please. He knew of no other woman who +would have given herself away quite so directly and naturally as she +had ... and his manhood was flattered. He was far from suspecting the +practical nature of her intentions, but he could see that she liked him, +and wanted to stand in his favour. She was not sexless, after all. + +This realization softened and predisposed him; he felt a little +contrite, too--he remembered how her voice had suddenly dragged and +fallen flat at his abrupt farewell.... She was disappointed in his +reception of her offers of peace--she had been incapable of appreciating +the attitude his sophistication was bound to take up in the face of such +an outburst. She had proved herself, too, a generous soul--frankly +owning herself in the wrong and trying by every means to make +atonement.... Few women would have been at once so frank and so +practical in their repentance. That he suspected the repentance was +largely for his sake did not diminish his respect of it. When he met +Joanna Godden again, he would be nice to her. + +The opportunity was given him sooner than he expected. Walking up the +High Street in quest of some quiet place for luncheon--every shop and +inn seemed full of thick smells of pipes and beer and thick noises of +agricultural and political discussion conducted with the mouth full--he +saw Miss Godden's trap waiting for her outside the New Inn. He +recognized her equipage, not so much from its make or from the fat cob +in the shafts, as from the figure of old Stuppeny dozing at Smiler's +head. Old Stuppeny went everywhere with Miss Godden, being now quite +unfit for work on the farm. His appearance was peculiar, for he seemed, +like New Romney church tower, to be built in stages. He wore, as a +farm-labourer of the older sort, a semi-clerical hat, which with his +long white beard gave him down to the middle of his chest a resemblance +to that type still haunting the chapels of marsh villages and known as +Aged Evangelist--from his chest to his knees, he was mulberry coat and +brass buttons, Miss Joanna Godden's coachman, though as the vapours of +the marsh had shaped him into a shepherd's crook, his uniform lost some +of its effect. Downwards from the bottom of his coat he was just a +farm-labourer, with feet of clay and corduroy trousers tied with string. + +His presence showed that Miss Godden was inside the New Inn, eating her +dinner, probably finishing it, or he would not have brought the trap +round. It was just like her, thought Martin, with a tolerant twist to +his smile, to go to the most public and crowded place in Romney for her +meal, instead of shrinking into the decent quiet of some shop. But +Joanna Godden had done more for herself in that interview than she had +thought, for though she still repelled she was no longer uninteresting. +Martin gave up searching for that quiet meal, and walked into the New +Inn. + +He found Joanna sitting at a table by herself, finishing a cup of tea. +The big table was edged on both sides with farmers, graziers and +butchers, while the small tables were also occupied, so there was not +much need for his apologies as he sat down opposite her. Her face +kindled at once-- + +"I'm sorry I'm so near finished." + +She was a grudgeless soul, and Martin almost liked her. + +"Have you done much business to-day?" + +"Not much. I'm going home as soon as I've had my dinner. Are you +stopping long?" + +"Till I've done a bit of shopping"--he found himself slipping into the +homeliness of her tongue--"I want a good spade and some harness." + +"I'll tell you a good shop for harness ..." Joanna loved enlightening +ignorance and guiding inexperience, and while Martin's chop and +potatoes were being brought she held forth on different makes of harness +and called spades spades untiringly. He listened without rancour, for he +was beginning to like her very much. His liking was largely physical--he +wouldn't have believed a month ago that he should ever find Joanna +Godden attractive, but to-day the melting of his prejudice seemed to +come chiefly from her warm beauty, from the rich colouring of her face +and the flying sunniness of her hair, from her wide mouth with its wide +smile, from the broad, strong set of her shoulders, and the sturdy +tenderness of her breast. + +She saw that he had changed. His manner was different, more cordial and +simple--the difference between his coldness and his warmth was greater +than in many, for like most romantics he had found himself compelled at +an early age to put on armour, and the armour was stiff and disguising +in proportion to the lightness and grace of the body within. Not that he +and Joanna talked of light and graceful things ... they talked, after +spades and harness, of horses and sheep, and of her ideas on breaking up +grass, which was to be a practical scheme at Ansdore that spring in +spite of the neighbours, of the progress of the new light railway from +Lydd to Appledore, of the advantages and disadvantages of growing +lucerne. But the barrier was down between them, and he knew that they +were free, if they chose, to go on from horses and sheep and railways +and crops to more daring, intimate things, and because of that same +freedom they stuck to the homely topics, like people who are free to +leave the fireside but wait till the sun is warmer on the grass. + +He had begun his apple-tart before she rose. + +"Well, I must be getting back now. Good-bye, Mr. Trevor. If you should +ever happen to pass Ansdore, drop in and I'll give you a cup of tea." + +He was well aware that the whole room had heard this valediction. He saw +some of the men smiling at each other, but he was not annoyed. He rose +and went with her to the door, where she hugged herself into her big +driving coat. Something about her made him feel big enough to ignore the +small gossip of the Marsh. + + + + +§9 + +He liked her now--he told himself that she was good common stuff. She +was like some sterling homespun piece, strong and sweet-smelling--she +was like a plot of the marsh earth, soft and rich and alive. He had +forgotten her barbaric tendency, the eccentricity of looks and conduct +which had at first repelled him--that aspect had melted in the +unsuspected warmth and softness he had found in her. He had been +mistaken as to her sexlessness--she was alive all through. She was still +far removed from his type, but her fundamental simplicity had brought +her nearer to it, and in time his good will would bring her the rest of +the way. Anyhow, he would look forward to meeting her again--perhaps he +would call at Ansdore, as she had proposed. + +Joanna was not blind to her triumph, and it carried her beyond her +actual attainment into the fulfilment of her hopes. She saw Martin +Trevor already as her suitor--respectful, interested, receptive of her +wisdom in the matter of spades. She rejoiced in her courage in having +taken the first step--she would not have much further to go now. Now +that she had overcome his initial dislike, the advantages of the +alliance must be obvious to him. She looked into the future, and between +the present moment and the consummated union of North Farthing and +Ansdore, she saw thrilling, half-dim, personal adventures for Martin and +Joanna ... the touch of his hands would be quite different from the +touch of Arthur Alce's ... and his lips--she had never wanted a man's +lips before, except perhaps Socknersh's for one wild, misbegotten +minute ... she held in her heart the picture of Martin's well-cut, +sensitive mouth, so unlike the usual mouths of Brodnyx and Pedlinge, +which were either coarse-lipped or no-lipped.... Martin's mouth was +wonderful--it would be like fire on hers.... + +Thus Joanna rummaged in her small stock of experience, and of the +fragments built a dream. Her plans were not now all concrete--they +glowed a little, though dimly, for her memory held no great store, and +her imagination was the imagination of Walland Marsh, as a barndoor fowl +to the birds that fly. She might have dreamed more if her mind had not +been occupied with the practical matter of welcoming Ellen home for her +Christmas holidays. + +Ellen, who arrived on Thomas-day, already seemed in some strange way to +have grown apart from the life of Ansdore. As Joanna eagerly kissed her +on the platform at Rye, there seemed something alien in her soft cool +cheek, in the smoothness of her hair under the dark boater hat with its +deviced hat-band. + +"Hullo, Joanna," she said. + +"Hullo, dearie. I've just about been pining to get you back. How are +you?--how's your dancing?"--This as she bundled her up beside her in the +trap, while the porter helped old Stuppeny with her trunk. + +"I can dance the waltz and the polka." + +"That's fine--I've promised the folks around here that you shall show +'em what you can do." + +She gave Ellen another warm, proud hug, and this time the child's +coolness melted a little. She rubbed her immaculate cheek against her +sister's sleeve-- + +"Good old Jo ..." + +Thus they drove home at peace together. + +The peace was shattered many times between that day and Christmas. Ellen +had forgotten what it was like to be slapped and what it was like to +receive big smacking kisses at odd encounters in yard or passage--she +resented both equally. "You're like an old bear, Jo--an awful old bear." +She had picked up at school a new vocabulary, of which the word "awful," +used to express every quality of pleasure or pain, was a fair sample. +Joanna sometimes could not understand her--sometimes she understood too +well. + +"I sent you to school to be made a little lady of, and here you come +back speaking worse than a National child." + +"All the girls talk like that at school." + +"Then seemingly it was a waste to send you there, since you could have +learned bad manners cheaper at home." + +"But the mistresses don't allow it," said Ellen, in hasty fear of being +taken away, "you get a bad mark if you say 'damn.'" + +"I should just about think you did, and I'd give you a good spanking +too. I never heard such language--no, not even at the Woolpack." + +Ellen gave her peculiar, alien smile. + +"You're awfully old-fashioned, Jo." + +"Old-fashioned, am I, because I don't go against my Catechism and take +the Lord's name in vain?" + +"Yes, you do--every time you say 'Lord sakes' you take the Lord's name +in vain, and it's common into the bargain." + +Here Joanna lost her temper and boxed Ellen's ears. + +"You dare say I'm common! So that's what you learn at school?--to come +home and call your sister common. Well, if I'm common, you're common +too, since we're the same blood." + +"I never said you were common," sobbed Ellen--"and you really are a +beast, hitting me about. No wonder I like school better than home if +that's how you treat me." + +Joanna declared with violence if that was how she felt she should never +see school again, whereupon Ellen screamed and sobbed herself into a +pale, quiet, tragic state--lying back in her chair, her face patchy with +crying, her head falling queerly sideways like a broken doll's--till +Joanna, scared and contrite, assured her that she had not meant her +threat seriously, and that Ellen should stop at school as long as she +was a good girl and minded her sister. + +This sort of thing had happened every holiday, but there were also +brighter aspects, and on the whole Joanna was proud of her little sister +and pleased with the results of the step she had taken. Ellen could not +only dance and drop beautiful curtsies, but she could play tunes on the +piano, and recite poetry. She could ask for things in French at table, +could give startling information about the Kings of England and the +exports and imports of Jamaica, and above all these accomplishments, she +showed a welcome alacrity to display them, so that her sister could +always rely on her for credit and glory. + +"When Martin Trevor comes I'll make her say her piece." + + + + +§10 + +Martin came on Christmas Day. He knew that the feast would lend a +special significance to the visit, but he did not care; for in absence +he had idealized Joanna into a fit subject for flirtation. He had no +longer any wish to meet her on the level footing of friendship--besides, +he was already beginning to feel lonely on the Marsh, to long for the +glow of some romance to warm the fogs that filled his landscape. In +spite of his father's jeers, he was no monk, and generally had some +sentimental adventure keeping his soul alive--but he was fastidious and +rather bizarre in his likings, and since he had come to North Farthing, +no one, either in his own class or out of it, had appealed to him, +except Joanna Godden. + +She owed part of her attraction to the surviving salt of his dislike. +There was still a savour of antagonism in his liking of her. Also his +curiosity was still unsatisfied. Was that undercurrent of softness +genuine? Was she really simple and tender under her hard flaunting? Was +she passionate under her ignorance and _naïveté_? Only experiment could +show him, and he meant to investigate, not merely for the barren +satisfaction of his curiosity, but for the satisfaction of his manhood +which was bound up with a question. + +When he arrived, Joanna was still in church--on Christmas Day as on +other selected festivals, she always "stayed the Sacrament," and did not +come out till nearly one. He went to meet her, and waited for her some +ten minutes in the little churchyard which was a vivid green with the +Christmas rains. The day was clear and curiously soft for the season, +even on the Marsh where the winters are usually mild. The sky was a +delicate blue, washed with queer, flat clouds--the whole country of the +Marsh seemed faintly luminous, holding the sunshine in its greens and +browns. Beside the dyke which flows by Brodnyx village stood a big thorn +tree, still bright with haws. It made a vivid red patch in the +foreground, the one touch of Christmas in a landscape which otherwise +suggested October--especially in the sunshine, which poured in a warm +shower on to the altar-tomb where Martin sat. + +He grew dreamy with waiting--his thoughts seemed to melt into the +softness of the day, to be part of the still air and misty sunshine, +just as the triple-barned church with its grotesque tower was part.... +He could feel the great Marsh stretching round him, the lonely miles of +Walland and Dunge and Romney, once the sea's bed, now lately inned for +man and his small dwellings, his keepings and his cares, perhaps one day +to return to the same deep from which it had come. People said that the +bells of Broomhill church--drowned in the great floods which had changed +the Rother's mouth--still rang under the sea. If the sea came to +Brodnyx, would Brodnyx bells ring on?--And Pedlinge? And Brenzett? And +Fairfield? And all the little churches of Thomas à Becket on their +mounds?--What a ringing there would be. + +He woke out of his daydream at the sound of footsteps--the people were +coming out, and glancing up he saw Joanna a few yards off. She looked +surprised to see him, but also she made no attempt to hide her pleasure. + +"Mr. Trevor! You here?" + +"I came over to Ansdore to wish you a happy Christmas, and they told me +you were still in church." + +"Yes--I stopped for Communion--" her mouth fell into a serious, +reminiscent line, "you didn't come to the first service, neither?" + +"No, my brother's at home, and he took charge of my father's spiritual +welfare--they went off to church at Udimore, and I was too lazy to +follow them." + +"I'm sorry you didn't come here--they used my harmonium, and it was +valiant." + +He smiled at her adjective. + +"I'll come another day and hear your valiant harmonium. I suppose you +think everybody should go to church?" + +"My father went, and I reckon I'll keep on going." + +"You always do as your father did?" + +"In most ways." + +"But not in all?--I hear startling tales of new-shaped waggons and other +adventures, to say nothing of your breaking up grass next spring." + +"Well, if you don't see any difference between breaking up grass and +giving up church ..." + +"They are both a revolt from habit." + +"Now, don't you talk like that--it ain't seemly. I don't like hearing a +man make a mock of good things, and going to church is a good thing, as +I should ought to know, having just come out of it." + +"I'm sorry," said Martin humbly, and for some reason he felt ashamed. +They were walking now along the Pedlinge road, and the whole Marsh, so +broad and simple, seemed to join in her rebuke of him. + +She saw his contrite look, and repented of her sharpness. + +"Come along home and have a bit of our Christmas dinner." + +Martin stuttered--he had not expected such an invitation, and it alarmed +him. + +"We all have dinner together on Christmas Day," continued Joanna, "men +and gals, old Stuppeny, Mrs. Tolhurst, everybody--we'd take it kindly if +you'd join us. But--I'm forgetting--you'll be having your own dinner at +home." + +"We shan't have ours till the evening." + +"Oh--late dinner"--her tone became faintly reverential--"it ud never do +if we had that. The old folk, like Stuppeny and such, ud find their +stomachs keep them awake. We've got two turkeys and a goose and plum +puddings and mince pies, to say nothing of the oranges and nuts--that +ain't the kind of food to go to bed with." + +"I agree," said Martin, smiling. + +"Then you'll come and have dinner at Ansdore?" + +They had reached the first crossing of the railway line, and if he was +going back to North Farthing he should turn here. He could easily make +an excuse--no man really wanted to eat two Christmas dinners--but his +flutter was gone, and he found an attraction in the communal meal to +which she was inviting him. He would like to see the old folk at their +feast, the old folk who had been born on the Marsh, who had grown +wrinkled with its sun and reddened with its wind and bent with their +labours in its damp soil. There would be Joanna too--he would get a +close glimpse of her. It was true that he would be pulling the cord +between them a little tighter, but already she was drawing him and he +was coming willingly. To-day he had found in her an unsuspected streak +of goodness, a sound, sweet core which he had not looked for under his +paradox of softness and brutality.... It would be worth while committing +himself with Joanna Godden. + + + + +§11 + +Dinner on Christmas Day was always in the kitchen at Ansdore. When +Joanna reached home with Martin, the two tables, set end to end, were +laid--with newly ironed cloths and newly polished knives, but with the +second-best china only, since many of the guests were clumsy. Joanna +wished there had been time to get out the best china, but there was not. + +Ellen came flying to meet them, in a white serge frock tied with a red +sash. + +"Arthur Alce has come, Jo--we're all waiting. Is Mr. Trevor coming too?" +and she put her head on one side, looking up at him through her long +fringe. + +"Yes, duckie. Mr. Trevor's dropped in to taste our turkey and plum +pudding--to see if they ain't better than his own to-night." + +"Is he going to have another turkey and plum pudding to-night? How +greedy!" + +"Be quiet, you sassy little cat"--and Joanna's hand swooped, missing +Ellen's head only by the sudden duck she gave it. + +"Leave me alone, Joanna--you might keep your temper just for Christmas +Day." + +"I won't have you sass strangers." + +"I wasn't sassing." + +"You was." + +"I wasn't." + +Martin felt scared. + +"I hope you don't mean me by the stranger," he said, taking up lightness +as a weapon, "I think I know you well enough to be sassed--not that I +call that sassing." + +"Well, it's good of you not to mind," said Joanna, "personally I've +great ideas of manners, and Ellen's brought back some queer ones from +her school, though others she's learned are beautiful. Fancy, she never +sat down to dinner without a serviette." + +"Never," said Ellen emphatically. + +Martin appeared suitably impressed. He thought Ellen a pretty little +thing, strangely exotic beside her sister. + +Dinner was ready in the kitchen, and they all went in, Joanna having +taken off her coat and hat and smoothed her hair. Before they sat down +there were introductions to Arthur Alce and to Luck and Broadhurst and +Stuppeny and the other farm people. The relation between employer and +employed was at once more patriarchal and less sharply defined at +Ansdore than it was at North Farthing--Martin tried to picture his +father sitting down to dinner with the carter and the looker and the +housemaid ... it was beyond imagination, yet Joanna did it quite +naturally. Of course there was a smaller gulf between her and her +people--the social grades were inclined to fuse on the Marsh, and the +farmer was only just better than his looker--but on the other hand, she +seemed to have far more authority.... + +"Now, hold your tongues while I say grace," she cried. + +Joanna carved the turkeys, refusing to deputise either to Martin or to +Alce. At the same time she led a general kind of conversation. The +Christmas feast was to be communal in spirit as well as in fact--there +were to be no formalities above the salt or mutterings below it. The new +harmonium provided a good topic, for everyone had heard it, except Mrs. +Tolhurst who had stayed to keep watch over Ansdore, cheering herself +with the prospect of carols in the evening. + +"It sounded best in the psalms," said Wilson, Joanna's looker since +Socknersh's day--"oh, the lovely grunts it made when it said--'Thou art +my Son, this day have I begotten thee!" + +"So it did," said Broadhurst, "but I liked it best in the Herald +Angels." + +"I liked it all through," said Milly Pump, the chicken-girl. "And I +thought Mr. Elphick middling clever to make it sound as if it wur +playing two different tunes at the same time." + +"Was that how it sounded?" asked Mrs. Tolhurst wistfully, "maybe they'll +have it for the carols to-night." + +"Surelye," said old Stuppeny, "you'd never have carols wudout a +harmonister. I'd lik myself to go and hear it, but doubt if I ull git so +far wud so much good victual inside me." + +"No, you won't--not half so far," said Joanna briskly, "you stop at home +and keep quiet after this, or you'll be having bad dreams to-night." + +"I never do but have one kind o' dream," said old Stuppeny, "I dream as +I'm setting by the fire and a young gal brings me a cup of cocoa. 'Tis +but an old dream, but reckon the Lord God sends the old dreams to the +old folk--all them new dreams that are about on the Marsh, they goes to +the young uns." + +"Well, you've no call to complain of your dreams, Stuppeny," said +Wilson, "'tisn't everyone who has the luck to dream regular of a pretty +young gal. Leastways, I guess she's pretty, though you äun't said it." + +"I döan't take much count on her looks--'tis the cocoa I'm after, though +it äun't often as the Lord God lets the dream stay till I've drunk my +cup. Sometimes 'tis my daughter Nannie wot brings it, but most times +'tis just some unacquainted female." + +"Oh, you sorry old dog," said Wilson, and the table laughed +deep-throatedly, or giggled, according to sex. Old Stuppeny looked +pleased. His dream, for some reason unknown to himself, never failed to +raise a laugh, and generally produced a cup of cocoa sooner or later +from one of the girls. + +Martin did not join in the discussion--he felt that his presence +slightly damped the company, and for him to talk might spoil their +chances of forgetting him. He watched Miss Godden as she ate and laughed +and kept the conversation rolling--he also watched Arthur Alce, trying +to use this man's devotion as a clue to what was left of Joanna's +mystery. Alce struck him as a dull fellow, and he put down his +faithfulness to the fact that having once fallen into love as into a rut +he had lain there ever since like a sheep on its back. He could see +that Alce did not altogether approve of his own choice--her vigour and +flame, her quick temper, her free airs--she was really too big for these +people; and yet she was so essentially one of them ... their roots +mingled in the same soil, the rich, damp, hardy soil of the Marsh. + +His attitude towards her was undergoing its second and final change. Now +he knew that he would never want to flirt with her. He did not want her +tentatively or temporarily. He still wanted her adventurously, but her +adventure was not the adventure of siege and capture but of peaceful +holding. Like the earth, she would give her best not to the man who +galloped over her, but to the man who chose her for his home and +settlement. Thus he would hold her, or not at all. Very likely after +to-day he would renounce her--he had not yet gone too far, his eyes were +still undazzled, and he could see the difficulties and limitations in +which he was involving himself by such a choice. He was a gentleman and +a townsman--he trod her country only as a stranger, and he knew that in +spite of the love which the Marsh had made him give it in the few months +of his dwelling, his thoughts still worked for years ahead, when better +health and circumstances would allow him to go back to the town, to a +quick and crowded life. Could he then swear himself to the slow blank +life of the Three Marshes, where events move deliberately as a plough? +To the empty landscape, to the flat miles? He would have to love her +enough to endure the empty flatness that framed her. He could never take +her away, any more than he could take away Ansdore or North Farthing. He +must make a renunciation for her sake--could he do so? And after all, +she was common stuff--a farmer's daughter, bred at the National School. +By taking her he would be making just a yokel of himself.... Yet was it +worth clinging to his simulacrum of gentility--boosted up by his +father's title and a few dead rites, such as the late dinner which had +impressed her so much. The only real difference between the Goddens and +the Trevors was that the former knew their job and the latter didn't. + +All this thinking did not make either for much talk or much appetite, +and Joanna was disappointed. She let fall one or two remarks on farming +and outside matters, thinking that perhaps the conversation was too +homely and intimate for him, but he responded only languidly. + +"A penny for your thoughts, Mr. Trevor," said Ellen pertly. + +"You eat your pudding," said Joanna. + +It occurred to her that perhaps Martin was disgusted by the homeliness +of the meal--after all, he was gentry, and it was unusual for gentry to +sit down to dinner with a crowd of farm-hands.... No doubt at home he +had wine-glasses, and a servant-girl to hand the dishes. She made a +resolution to ask him again and provide both these luxuries. To-day she +would take him into the parlour and make Ellen show off her +accomplishments, which would help put a varnish of gentility on the +general coarseness of the entertainment. She wished she had asked Mr. +Pratt--she had thought of doing so, but finally decided against it. + +So when the company had done shovelling the Stilton cheese into their +mouths with their knives, she announced that she and Mr. Trevor would +have their cups of tea in the parlour, and told Milly to go quick and +light the fire. + +Ellen was most satisfactorily equal to this part of the occasion. She +recited "Curfew shall not Ring Tonight," and played Haydn's "Gipsy +Rondo." Joanna began to feel complacent once more. + +"I made up my mind she should go to a good school," she said when her +sister had run back to what festivities lingered in the kitchen, "and +really it's wonderful what they've taught her. She'll grow up to be a +lady." + +It seemed to Martin that she stressed the last word rather wistfully, +and the next moment she added-- + +"There's not many of your sort on the Marsh." + +"How do you mean--my sort?" + +"Gentlefolk." + +"Oh, we don't trouble to call ourselves gentlefolk. My father and I are +just plain farmers now." + +"But you don't really belong to us--you're the like of the Savilles at +Dungemarsh Court, and the clergy families." + +"Is that where you put us?--We'd find our lives jolly dull if we shut +ourselves up in that set. I can tell you that I've enjoyed myself far +more here to-day than ever at the Court or the Rectory. Besides, Miss +Godden, your position on Walland Marsh is very much better than ours. +You're a great personage, you know." + +"Reckon folks talk about me," said Joanna proudly. "Maybe you've heard +'em." + +He nodded. + +"You've heard about me and Arthur Alce?" + +"I've heard some gossip." + +"Don't you believe it. I'm fond of Arthur, but he ain't my style--and I +could do better for myself ..." + +She paused--her words seemed to hang in the flickering warmth of the +room. She was waiting for him to speak, and he felt a little shocked and +repelled. She was angling for him--he had never suspected that. + +"I must go," he said, standing up. + +"So soon?" + +"Yes--tradition sends one home on Christmas Day." + +He moved towards the door, and she followed him, glowing and majestic in +the shadows of the firelit room. Outside, the sky was washed with a +strange, fiery green, in which the new kindled stars hung like lamps. + +They stood for a moment on the threshold, the warm, red house behind +them, before them the star-hung width and emptiness of the Marsh. Martin +blocked the sky for Joanna, as he turned and held out his hand. Then, on +the brink of love, she hesitated. A memory smote her--of herself +standing before another man who blocked the sky, and in whose eyes sat +the small, enslaved image of herself. Was she just being a fool +again?--Ought she to draw back while she had still the power, before she +became his slave, his little thing, and all her bigness was drowned in +his eyes. She knew that whatever she gave him now could never be taken +back. Here stood the master of the mistress of Ansdore. + +As for Martin, his thoughts were of another kind. + +"Good-bye," he said, renouncing her--for her boldness and her commonness +and all that she would mean of change and of foregoing--"Good-bye, +Joanna." + +He had not meant to say her name, but it had come, and with it all the +departing adventure of love. She seemed to fall towards him, to lean +suddenly like a tree in a gale--he smelt a fresh, sweet smell of clean +cotton underclothing, of a plain soap, of free unperfumed hair ... then +she was in his arms, and he was kissing her warm, shy mouth, feeling +that for this moment he had been born. + + + + +§12 + +"Well, where have you been?" asked Sir Harry, as his son walked in at +the hall door soon after six. + +"I've been having dinner with Joanna Godden." + +"The deuce you have." + +"I looked in to see her this morning and she asked me to stay." + +"You've stayed long enough--your saintly brother's had to do the +milking." + +"Where's Dennett?" + +"Gone to the carols with the rest. Confounded nuisance, these primitive +religious impulses of an elemental people--always seem to require an +outlet at an hour when other people want their meals." + +"They'll be back in time for dinner." + +"I doubt it, and cook's gone too--and Tom Saville's coming, you know." + +"Well, I'd better go and see after the milking." + +"Don't worry. I've finished," and a dark round head came round the door, +followed by a hunched figure in a cloak, from the folds of which it +deprecatingly held out a pint jug. + +"What's that?" + +"The results of half an hour's milking. I know I should have got more, +but I think the cows found me unsympathetic." + +Martin burst out laughing. Ordinarily he would have felt annoyed at the +prospect of having to go milking at this hour, but to-night he was +expansive and good-humoured towards all beasts and men. + +He laughed again-- + +"I don't know that the cows have any particular fancy for me, but I'll +go and see what I can do." + +"I'm sorry not to have succeeded better," said his brother. + +The elder Trevor was only two years older than Martin, but his looks +gave him more. His features were blunter, more humorous, and his face +was already lined, while his hands looked work-worn. He wore a rough +grey cassock buttoned up to his chin. + +"You should have preached to them," said Sir Harry, "like St. Francis of +something or other. You should have called them your sisters and they'd +have showered down their milk in gallons. What's the good of being a +monk if you can't work miracles?" + +"I leave that to St. Francis Dennett--I'm quite convinced that cows are +milked only supernaturally, and I find it very difficult even to be +natural with them. Perhaps Martin will take me in hand and show me that +much." + +"I don't think I need. I hear the servants coming in." + +"Thank God," exclaimed Sir Harry, "now perhaps we shall get our food +cooked. Martin's already had dinner, Lawrence--he had it with Joanna +Godden. Martin, I don't know that I like your having dinner with Joanna +Godden. It marks you--they'll talk about it at the Woolpack for weeks, +and it'll probably end in your having to marry her to make her an honest +woman." + +"That's what I mean to do--to marry her." + +The words broke out of him. He had certainly not meant to tell his +father anything just yet. Apart from his natural reserve, Sir Harry was +not the man he would have chosen for such confidences till they became +inevitable. The fact that his father was still emotionally young and had +love affairs of his own gave him feelings of repugnance and +irritation--he could have endured the conventionally paternal praise or +blame, but he was vaguely outraged by the queer basis of equality from +which Sir Harry dealt with his experiences. But now the truth was out. +What would they say, these two?--The old rake who refused to turn his +back on youth and love, and the triple-vowed religious who had renounced +both before he had enjoyed either. + +Sir Harry was the first to speak. + +"Martin, I am an old man, who will soon be forced to dye his hair, and +really my constitution is not equal to these shocks. What on earth +makes you think you want to marry Joanna Godden?" + +"I love her." + +"A most desperate situation. But surely marriage is rather a drastic +remedy." + +"Well, don't let's talk about it any longer. I'm going to dress--Saville +will be here in a quarter of an hour." + +"But I must talk about it. Hang it all, I'm your father--I'm the father +of both of you, though you don't like it a bit and would rather forget +it. Martin, you mustn't marry Joanna Godden however much you love her. +It would be a silly mistake--she's not your equal, and she's not your +type. Have you asked her?" + +"Practically." + +"Oh that's all right, then. It doesn't matter asking a woman practically +as long as you don't ask her literally." + +"Father, please don't talk about it." + +"I will talk about it. Lawrence, do you know what this idiot's letting +himself in for? Have you seen Joanna Godden? Why, she'd never do for +him? She's a big, bouncing female, and her stays creak." + +"Be quiet, father. You make me furious." + +"Yes, you'll be disrespectful to me in a minute. That would be very sad, +and the breaking of a noble record. Of course it's presumptuous of me to +want a lady for my daughter-in-law, and perhaps you're right to chuck +away the poor remains of our dignity--they were hardly worth keeping." + +"I've thought over that," said Martin. He saw now that having recklessly +started the subject he could not put it aside till it had been fought +out. "I've thought over that, and I've come to the conclusion that +Joanna's worth any sacrifice I can make for her." + +"But not marriage--why must you ask her to marry you? You don't really +know her. You'll cool off." + +"I shan't." + +"What about your health, Martin?" asked Lawrence, "are you fit and able +to marry? You know what the doctor said." + +"He said I might go off into consumption if I hung on in town--that +beastly atmosphere at Wright's and all the racket.... But there's +nothing actually wrong with me, I'm perfectly fit down here. I'll last +for ever in this place, and I tell you it's been a ghastly thought till +now--knowing that I must either stop here, away from all my friends and +interests, or else shorten my life. But now, I don't care--when I marry +Joanna Godden I'll take root, I'll belong to the Marsh, I'll be at home. +You don't know Joanna Godden, Lawrence--if you did I believe you'd like +her. She's so sane and simple--she's so warm and alive; and she's good, +too--when I met her to-day, she had just been to Communion. She'll help +me to live--at last I'll be able to live the best life for me, body and +soul, down here in the sea air, with no town rubbish ..." + +"It sounds a good thing," said Lawrence. "After all, father, there +really isn't much use trying to keep up the state of the Trevors and all +that now ..." + +"No, there isn't--especially when this evening's guest will arrive in +two minutes to find us sitting round in dirt and darkness and +dissension, all because we've been too busy discussing our heir's +betrothal to a neighbouring goose-girl to trouble about such fripperies +as dressing for dinner. Of course now Lawrence elects to take Martin's +part there's no good my trying to stand against the two of you. I've +always been under your heels, ever since you were old enough to boss me. +Let the state of the Trevors go--Martin, marry Joanna Godden and we will +come to you for our mangolds--Lawrence, if you were not hindered by your +vows, I should suggest your marrying one of the Miss Southlands or the +Miss Vines, and then we could have a picturesque double wedding. As for +me, I will build on more solid foundations than either of you, and marry +my cook." + +With which threat he departed to groom himself. + +"He'll be all right," said Martin, "he likes Joanna Godden really." + +"So do I. She sounds a good sort. Will you take me to see her before I +go?" + +"Certainly. I want you to meet her. When you do you'll see that I'm not +doing anything rash, even from the worldly point of view. She comes of +fine old yeoman stock, and she's of far more consequence on the Marsh +than any of us." + +"I can't see that the social question is of much importance. As long as +your tastes and your ideas aren't too different ..." + +"I'm afraid they are, rather. But somehow we seem to complement each +other. She's so solid and so sane--there's something barbaric about her +too ... it's queer." + +"I've seen her. She's a fine-looking girl--a bit older than you, isn't +she?" + +"Five years. Against it, of course--but then I'm so much older than she +is in most ways. She's a practical woman of business--knows more about +farming than I shall ever know in my life--but in matters of life and +love, she's a child ..." + +"I should almost have thought it better the other way round--that you +should know about the business and she about the love. But then in such +matters I too am a child." + +He smiled disarmingly, but Martin felt ruffled--partly because his +brother's voluntary abstention from experience always annoyed him, and +partly because he knew that in this case the child was right and the man +wrong. + + + + +§13 + +In the engagement of Joanna Godden to Martin Trevor Walland Marsh had +its biggest sensation for years. Indeed it could be said that nothing so +startling had happened since the Rother changed its mouth. The feelings +of those far-back marsh-dwellers who had awakened one morning to find +the Kentish river swirling past their doors at Broomhill might aptly be +compared with those of the farms round the Woolpack, who woke to find +that Joanna Godden was not going just to jog on her final choice between +Arthur Alce and old maidenhood, but had swept aside to make an +excellent, fine marriage. + +"She's been working for this all along," said Prickett disdainfully. + +"I don't see that she's had the chance to work much," said Vine, "she +hasn't seen the young chap more than three or four times." + +"Bates's looker saw them at Romney once," said Southland, "having their +dinner together; but that time at the Farmers' Club he'd barely speak to +her." + +"Well she's got herself talked about over two men that she hasn't took, +and now she's took a man that she hasn't got herself talked about over." + +"Anyways, I'm glad of it," said Furnese, "she's a mare that's never been +präaperly broken in, and now at last she's got a man to do it." + +"Poor feller, Alce. I wonder how he'll take it." + +Alce took it very well. For a week he did not come to Ansdore, then he +appeared with Joanna's first wedding present in the shape of a silver +tea-service which had belonged to his mother. + +"Maybe it's a bit early yet for wedding presents. They say you won't be +married till next fall. But I've always wanted you to have this tea-set +of mother's--it's real silver, as you can see by the lion on it--a +teapot and milk jug and sugar bowl; many's the time I've seen you in my +mind's eye, setting like a queen and pouring my tea out of it. Since it +can't be my tea, it may as well be another's." + +"There'll always be a cup for you, Arthur," said Joanna graciously. + +"Thanks," said Arthur in a stricken voice. + +Joanna could not feel as sorry for Alce as she ought and would have +liked. All her emotions, whether of joy or sorrow, seemed to be poured +into the wonderful new life that Martin had given her. A new life had +begun for her on Christmas Day--in fact, it would be true to say that a +new Joanna had begun. Something in her was broken, melted, changed out +of all recognition--she was softer, weaker, more excited, more tender. +She had lost much of her old swagger, her old cocksureness, for Martin +had utterly surprised and tamed her. She had come to him in a scheming +spirit of politics, and he had kept her in a spirit of devotion. She had +come to him as Ansdore to North Farthing--but he had stripped her of +Ansdore, and she was just Joanna Godden who had waited twenty-eight +years for love. + +Yet, perhaps because she had waited so long, she was now a little +afraid. She had hitherto met love only in the dim forms of Arthur Alce +and Dick Socknersh, with still more hazy images in the courtships of +Abbot and Cobb. Now Martin was showing her love as no dim flicker or +candlelight or domestic lamplight but as a bright, eager fire. She loved +his kisses, the clasp of his strong arms, the stability of his chest and +shoulders--but sometimes his passion startled her, and she had queer, +shy withdrawals. Yet these were never more than temporary and +superficial; her own passions were slowly awaking, and moreover had +their roots in a sweet, sane instinct of vocation and common sense. + +On the whole, though, she was happiest in the quieter ways of love--the +meals together, the fireside talks, the meetings in lonely places, the +queer, half-laughing secrets, the stolen glances in company. She made a +great fuss of his bodily needs--she was convinced that he did not get +properly fed or looked after at home, and was always preparing him +little snacks and surprises. For her sake Martin swallowed innumerable +cups of milk and wrapped his chin in choky mufflers. + +She had prouder moments too. On her finger glittered a gorgeous band of +diamonds and sapphires which she had chosen for her engagement ring, and +it was noticed that Joanna Godden now always drove with her gloves off. +She had insisted on driving Martin round the Marsh to call on her +friends--to show him to Mrs. Southland, Mrs. Vine, and Mrs. Prickett, to +say nothing of their husbands who had always said no man in his senses +would marry Joanna Godden. Well, not merely a man but a gentleman was +going to do it--a gentleman who had his clothes made for him at a London +tailor's instead of buying them ready-made at Lydd or Romney or Rye, who +had--he confessed it, though he never wore it--a top hat in his +possession, who ate late dinner and always smelt of good tobacco and +shaving soap ... such thoughts would bring the old Joanna back, for one +fierce moment of gloating. + +Her reception by North Farthing House had done nothing to spoil her +triumph. Martin's father and brother had both accepted her--the latter +willingly, since he believed that she would be a sane and stabilizing +influence in Martin's life, hitherto over-restless and mood-ridden. He +looked upon his brother as a thwarted romantic, whose sophistication had +debarred him from finding a natural outlet in religion. He saw in his +love for Joanna the chance of a return to nature and romance, since he +loved a thing at once simple and adventurous, homely and splendid--which +was how religion appeared to Father Lawrence. He had liked Joanna very +much on their meeting, and she liked him too, though as she told him +frankly she "didn't hold with Jesoots." + +As for Sir Harry, he too liked Joanna, and was too well-bred and fond of +women to show himself ungracious about that which he could not prevent. + +"I've surrendered, Martin. I can't help myself. You'll bring down my +grey hairs in sorrow to the grave, but I am all beautiful resignation. +Indeed I think I shall offer myself as best man, and flirt dutifully +with Ellen Godden, who I suppose will be chief bridesmaid. Your brother +shall himself perform the ceremony. What could your family do more?" + +"What indeed?" laughed Martin. He felt warmhearted towards all men +now--he could forgive both his father for having had too much experience +and his brother for having had too little. + + + + +§14 + +The actual date of the wedding was not fixed till two months had run. +Though essentially adult and practical in all matters of business and +daily life, Joanna was still emotionally adolescent, and her betrothed +state satisfied her as it would never have done if her feelings had been +as old as her years. Also this deferring of love had helped other things +to get a hold on her--Martin was astonished to find her swayed by such +considerations as sowing and shearing and marketing--"I can't fix up +anything till I've got my spring sowings done"--"that ud be in the +middle of the shearing"--"I'd sooner wait till I'm through the autumn +markets." + +He discovered that she thought "next fall" the best time for the +wedding--"I'll have got everything clear by then, and I'll know how the +new ploughs have borne." He fought her and beat her back into +June--"after the hay." He was rather angry with her for thinking about +these things, they expressed a side of her which he would have liked to +ignore. He did not care for a "managing" woman, and he could still see, +in spite of her new moments of surrender, that Joanna eternally would +"manage." But in spite of this his love for her grew daily, as he +discovered daily her warmth and breadth and tenderness, her growing +capacity for passion. Once or twice he told her to let the sowings and +the shearings be damned, and come and get married to him quietly without +any fuss at the registrar's. But Joanna was shocked at the idea of +getting married anywhere but in church--she could not believe a marriage +legal which the Lion and the Unicorn had not blessed. Also he discovered +that she rejoiced in fuss, and thought June almost too early for the +preparations she wanted to make. + +"I'm going to show 'em what a wedding's like," she remarked +ominously--"I'm going to do everything in the real, proper, slap-up +style. I'm going to have a white dress and a veil and carriages and +bridesmaids and favours--" this was the old Joanna--"you don't mind, do +you, Martin?" this was the new. + +Of course he could not say he minded. She was like an eager child, +anxious for notice and display. He would endure the wedding for her +sake. He also would endure for her sake to live at Ansdore; after a few +weeks he saw that nothing else could happen. It would be ridiculous for +Joanna to uproot herself from her prosperous establishment and settle in +some new place just because in spirit he shrank from becoming "Mr. +Joanna Godden." She had said that "Martin and Joanna Trevor" should be +painted on the scrolled name-boards of her waggons, but he knew that on +the farm and in the market-place they would not be on an equal footing, +whatever they were in the home. As farmer and manager she would outshine +him, whose tastes and interests and experiences were so different. Never +mind--he would have more time to give to the beloved pursuit of +exploring the secret, shy marsh country--he would do all Joanna's +business afield, in the far market towns of New Romney and Dymchurch, +and the farms away in Kent or under the Coast at Ruckinge and Warhorne. + +Meanwhile he spent a great deal of his time at Ansdore. He liked the +life of the place with its mixture of extravagance and simplicity, +democracy and tyranny. Fortunately Ellen approved of him--indeed he +sometimes found her patronage excessive. He thought her spoilt and +affected, and might almost have come to dislike her if she had not been +such a pretty, subtle little thing, and if she had not interested and +amused him by her sharp contrasts with her sister. He was now also +amused by the conflicts between the two, which at first had shocked him. +He liked to see Joanna's skin go pink as she faced Ellen in a torment of +loving anger and rattled the fierce words off her tongue, while Ellen +tripped and skipped and evaded and generally triumphed by virtue of a +certain fundamental coolness. "It will be interesting to watch that girl +growing up," he thought. + + + + +§15 + +As the year slid through the fogs into the spring, he persuaded Joanna +to come with him on his rambles on the Marsh. He was astonished to find +how little she knew of her own country, of that dim flat land which was +once under the sea. She knew it only as the hunting ground of her +importance. It was at Yokes Court that she bought her roots, and from +Becket's House her looker had come; Lydd and Rye and Romney were only +market-towns--you did best in cattle at Rye, but the other two were +proper for sheep; Old Honeychild was just a farm where she had bought +some good spades and dibbles at an auction; at Misleham they had once +had foot-and-mouth disease--she had gone to Picknye Bush for the +character of Milly Pump, her chicken-girl.... + +He told her of the smugglers and owlers who had used the Woolpack as +their headquarters long ago, riding by moonlight to the cross-roads, +with their mouths full of slang--cant talk of "mackerel" and "fencing" +and "hornies" and "Oliver's glim." + +"Well, if they talked worse there then than they talk now, they must +have talked very bad indeed," was all Joanna found to say. + +He told her of the old monks of Canterbury who had covered the Marsh +with the altars of Thomas à Becket. + +"We got shut of 'em all on the fifth of November," said Joanna, "as we +sing around here on bonfire nights--and 'A halfpenny loaf to feed the +Pope, a penn'orth of cheese to choke him,' as we say." + +All the same he enjoyed the expeditions that they had together in her +trap, driving out on some windy-skied March day, to fill the hours +snatched from her activities at Ansdore and his muddlings at North +Farthing, with all the sea-green sunny breadth of Walland, and still +more divinely with Walland's secret places--the shelter of tall reeds by +the Yokes Sewer, or of a thorn thicket making a tent of white blossom +and spindled shadows in the midst of the open land. + +Sometimes they crossed the Rhee Wall on to Romney Marsh, and he showed +her the great church at Ivychurch, which could have swallowed up in its +nave the two small farms that make the village. He took her into the +church at New Romney and showed her the marks of the Great Flood, +discolouring the pillars for four feet from the ground. + +"Doesn't it thrill you?--Doesn't it excite you?" he teased her, as they +stood together in the nave, the church smelling faintly of hearthstones. + +"How long ago did it happen?" + +"In the year of our Lord twelve hundred and eighty seven the Kentish +river changed his mouth, and after swilling out Romney Sands and +drowning all the marsh from Honeychild to the Wicks, did make himself a +new mouth in Rye Bay, with which mouth he swallowed the fifty taverns +and twelve churches of Broomhill, and--" + +"Oh, have done talking that silly way--it's like the Bible, only there's +no good in it." + +Her red mouth was close to his in the shadows of the church--he kissed +it.... + +"Child!" + +"Oh, Martin--" + +She was faintly shocked because he had kissed her in church, so he drew +her to him, tilting back her chin. + +"You mustn't" ... but she had lost the power of gainsaying him now, and +made no effort to release herself. He held her up against the pillar and +gave her mouth another idolatrous kiss before he let her go. + +"If it happened all that while back, they might at least have got the +marks off by this time," she said, tucking away her loosened hair. + +Martin laughed aloud--her little reactions of common sense after their +passionate moments never failed to amuse and delight him. + +"You'd have had it off with your broom, and that's all you think about +it. But look here, child--what if it happened again?" + +"It can't." + +"How do you know?" + +"It can't--I know it." + +"But if it happened then it could happen again." + +"There ain't been a flood on the Marsh in my day, nor in my poor +father's day, neither. Sometimes in February the White Kemp brims a bit, +but I've never known the roads covered. You're full of old tales. And +now let's go out, for laughing and love-making ain't the way to behave +in church." + +"The best way to behave in church is to get married." + +She blushed faintly and her eyes filled with tears. + +They went out, and had dinner at the New Inn, which held the memory of +their first meal together, in that huge, sag-roofed dining-room, then so +crowded, now empty except for themselves. Joanna was still given to +holding forth on such subjects as harness and spades, and to-day she +gave Martin nearly as much practical advice as on that first occasion. + +"Now, don't you waste your money on a driller--we don't give our sheep +turnips on the Marsh. It's an Inland notion. The grass here is worth a +field of roots. You stick to grazing and you'll keep your money in your +pocket and never send coarse mutton to the butcher." + +He did not resent her advice, for he was learning humility. Her superior +knowledge and experience of all practical matters was beginning to lose +its sting. She was in his eyes so adorable a creature that he could +forgive her for being dominant. The differences in their natures were +no longer incompatibilities, but gifts which they brought each other--he +brought her gifts of knowledge and imagination and emotion, and she +brought him gifts of stability and simplicity and a certain saving +commonness. And all these gifts were fused in the glow of personality, +in a kind bodily warmth, in a romantic familiarity which sometimes found +its expression in shyness and teasing. + +They loved each other. + + + + +§16 + +Martin had always wanted to go out on the cape at Dunge Ness, that +tongue of desolate land which rakes out from Dunge Marsh into the sea, +slowly moving every year twenty feet towards France. Joanna had a +profound contempt of Dunge Ness--"not enough grazing on it for one +sheep"--but Martin's curiosity mastered her indifference and she +promised to drive him out there some day. She had been once before with +her father, on some forgotten errand to the Hope and Anchor inn. + +It was an afternoon in May when they set out, bowling through Pedlinge +in the dog cart behind Smiler's jogging heels. Joanna wore her bottle +green driving coat, with a small, close-fitting hat, since Martin, to +her surprise and disappointment, disliked her best hat with the +feathers. He sat by her, unconsciously huddling to her side, with his +hand thrust under her arm and occasionally pressing it--she had told him +that she could suffer that much of a caress without detriment to her +driving. + +It was a bright, scented day, heavily coloured with green and gold and +white; for the new grass was up in the pastures, releasing the farmer +from many anxious cares, and the buttercups were thick both on the +grazing lands and on the innings where the young hay stood, still green; +the watercourses were marked with the thick dumpings of the may, walls +of green-teased white streaking here and there across the pastures, +while under the boughs the thick green water lay scummed with white +ranunculus, and edged with a gaudy splashing of yellow irises, torches +among the never silent reeds. Above it all the sky was misty and fall +of shadows, a low soft cloud, occasionally pierced with sunlight. + +"It'll rain before night," said Joanna. + +"What makes you think that?" + +"The way of the wind, and those clouds moving low--and the way you see +Rye Hill all clear with the houses on it--and the way the sheep are +grazing with their heads to leeward." + +"Do you think they know?" + +"Of course they know. You'd be surprised at the things beasts know, +Martin." + +"Well, it won't matter if it does rain--we'll be home before night. I'm +glad we're going down on the Ness--I'm sure it's wonderful." + +"It's a tedious hole." + +"That's what you think." + +"I know--I've been there." + +"Then it's very sweet of you to come again with me." + +"It'll be different with you." + +She was driving him by way of Broomhill, for that was another place +which had fired his imagination, though to her it too was a tedious +hole. Martin could not forget the Broomhill of old days--the glamour of +taverns and churches and streets lay over the few desolate houses and +ugly little new church which huddled under the battered sea-wall. Great +reedy pools still remained from the thirteenth century floods, brackish +on the flat seashore, where the staked keddle nets showed that the +mackerel were beginning to come into Rye Bay. + +"Nothing but fisher-folk around here," said Joanna +contemptuously--"you'll see 'em all in the summer, men, women and +children, with heaps of mackerel that they pack in boxes for London and +such places--so much mackerel they get that there's nothing else ate in +the place for the season, and yet if you want fish-guts for manure they +make you pay inland prices, and do your own carting." + +"I think it's a delicious place," he retorted, teasing her, "I've a mind +to bring you here for our honeymoon." + +"Martin, you'd never I You told me you were taking me to foreign parts, +and I've told Mrs. Southland and Mrs. Furnese and Maudie Vine and half a +dozen more all about my going to Paris and seeing the sights and +hearing French spoken." + +"Yes--perhaps it would be better to go abroad; Broomhill is wonderful, +but you in Paris will be more wonderful than Broomhill--even in the days +before the flood." + +"I want to see the Eiffel Tower--where they make the lemonade--and I +want to buy myself something really chick in the way of hats." + +"Joanna--do you know the hat which suits you best?" + +"Which?" she asked eagerly, with some hope for the feathers. + +"The straw hat you tie on over your hair when you go out to the chickens +first thing in the morning." + +"That old thing I Why I My! Lor! Martin! That's an old basket that I tie +under my chin with a neckerchief of poor father's." + +"It suits you better than any hat in the Rue St. Honoré--it's brown and +golden like yourself, and your hair comes creeping and curling from +under it, and there's a shadow on your face, over your eyes--the shadow +stops just above your mouth--your mouth is all of your face that I can +see dearly, and it's your mouth that I love most ..." + +He suddenly kissed it, ignoring her business with the reins and the +chances of the road, pulling her round in her seat and covering her face +with his, so that his eyelashes stroked her cheek. She drew her hands up +sharply to her breast, and with the jerk the horse stopped. + +For a few moments they stayed so, then he released her and they moved +on. Neither of them spoke; the tears were in Joanna's eyes and in her +heart was a devouring tenderness that made it ache. The trap lurched in +the deep ruts of the road, which now had become a mass of shingle and +gravel, skirting the beach. Queer sea plants grew in the ruts, the +little white sea-campions with their fat seed-boxes filled the furrows +of the road as with a foam--it seemed a pity and a shame to crush them, +and one could tell by their fresh growth how long it was since wheels +had passed that way. + +At Jury's Gap, a long white-daubed coastguard station marked the end of +the road. Only a foot-track ran out to the Ness. They left the horse and +trap at the station and went afoot. + +"I told you it was a tedious place," said Joanna. Like a great many busy +people she did not like walking, which she always looked upon as a waste +of time. Martin could seldom persuade her to come for a long walk. + +It was a long walk up the Ness, and the going was bad, owing to the +shingle. The sea-campion grew everywhere, and in sunny corners the +yellow-horned poppy put little spots of colour into a landscape of +pinkish grey. The sea was the same colour as the land, for the sun had +sunk away into the low thick heavens, leaving the sea an unrelieved, +tossed dun waste. + +The wind came tearing across Rye Bay with a moan, lifting all the waves +into little sharp bitter crests. + +"We'll get the rain," said Joanna sagely. + +"I don't care if we do," said Martin. + +"You haven't brought your overcoat." + +"Never mind that." + +"I do mind." + +His robust appearance--his broad back and shoulders, thick vigorous neck +and swarthy skin--only magnified his pathos in her eyes. It was pitiful +that this great thing should be so frail.... He could pick her up with +both hands on her waist, and hold her up before him, the big Joanna--and +yet she must take care of him. + + + + +§17 + +An hour's walking brought them to the end of the Ness--to a strange +forsaken country of coastguard stations and lonely taverns and shingle +tracks. The lighthouse stood only a few feet above the sea, at the end +of the point, and immediately before it the water dropped to sinister, +glaucous depths. + +"Well, it ain't much to see," said Joanna. + +"It's wonderful," said Martin--"it's terrible." + +He stood looking out to sea, into the Channel streaked with green and +grey, as if he would draw France out of the southward fogs. He felt +half-way to France ... here on the end of this lonely crane, with water +each side of him and ahead, and behind him the shingle which was the +uttermost of Kent. + +"Joanna--don't you feel it, too?" + +"Yes--maybe I do. It's queer and lonesome--I'm glad I've got you, +Martin." + +She suddenly came close to him and put out her arms, hiding her face +against his heart. + +"Child--what is it?" + +"I dunno. Maybe it's this place, but I feel scared. Oh, Martin, you'll +never leave me? You'll always be good to me?..." + +"I ... oh, my own precious thing." + +He held her close to him and they both trembled--she with her first fear +of those undefinable forces and associations which go to make the +mystery of place, he with the passion of his faithfulness, of his vows +of devotion, too fierce and sacrificial even to express. + +"Let's go and have tea," she said, suddenly disengaging herself, "I'll +get the creeps if we stop out here on the beach much longer--reckon I've +got 'em now, and I never was the one to be silly like that. I told you +it was a tedious hole." + +They went to the Britannia, on the eastern side of the bill. The inn +looked surprised to see them, but agreed to put the kettle on. They sat +together in a little queer, dim room, smelling of tar and fish, and +bright with the flames of wreckwood. Joanna had soon lost her fears--she +talked animatedly, telling him of the progress of her spring wheat; of +the dead owl that had fallen out of the beams of Brenzett church during +morning prayers last Sunday, of the shocking way they had managed their +lambing at Beggar's Bush, of King Edward's Coronation that was coming +off in June. + +"I know of something else that's coming off in June," said Martin. + +"Our wedding?" + +"Surelye." + +"I'm going into Folkestone next week, to that shop where I bought my +party gown." + +"And I'm going to Mr. Pratt to tell him to put up our banns, or we +shan't have time to be cried three times before the first of June." + +"The first!--I told you the twenty-fourth." + +"But I'm not going to wait till the twenty-fourth. You promised me +June." + +"But I shan't have got in my hay, and the shearers are coming on the +fourteenth--you have to book weeks ahead, and that was the only date +Harmer had free." + +"Joanna." + +Her name was a summons, almost stern, and she looked up. She was still +sitting at the table, stirring the last of her tea. He sat under the +window on an old sea-chest, and had just lit his pipe. + +"Come here, Joanna." + +She came obediently, and sat beside him, and he put his arm round her. +The blue and ruddy flicker of the wreckwood lit up the dark day. + +"I've been thinking a lot about this, and I know now--there is only one +thing between us, and that's Ansdore." + +"How d'you mean? It ain't between us." + +"It is--again and again you seem to be putting Ansdore in the place of +our love. What other woman on God's earth would put off her marriage to +fit in with the sheep-shearing?" + +"I ain't putting it off. We haven't fixed the day yet, and I'm just +telling you to fix a day that's suitable and convenient." + +"You know I always meant to marry you the first week in June." + +"And you know as I've told you, that I can't take the time off then." + +"The time off! You're not a servant. You can leave Ansdore any day you +choose." + +"Not when the shearing's on. You don't understand, Martin--I can't have +all the shearers up and nobody to look after 'em." + +"What about your looker?--or Broadhurst? You don't trust anybody but +yourself." + +"You're just about right--I don't." + +"Don't you trust me?" + +"Not to shear sheep." + +Martin laughed ruefully. + +"You're very sensible, Joanna--unshakably so. But I'm not asking you to +trust me with the sheep, but to trust me with yourself. Don't +misunderstand me, dear. I'm not asking you to marry me at the beginning +of the month just because I haven't the patience to wait till the end. +It isn't that, I swear it. But don't you see that if you fix our +marriage to fit in with the farm-work, it'll simply be beginning things +in the wrong way? As we begin we shall have to go on, and we can't go on +settling and ordering our life according to Ansdore's requirements--it's +a wrong principle. Think, darling," and he drew her close against his +heart, "we shall want to see our children--and will you refuse, just +because that would mean that you would have to lie up and keep quiet and +not go about doing all your own business?" + +Joanna shivered. + +"Oh, Martin, don't talk of such things." + +"Why not?" + +She had given him some frank and graphic details about the accouchement +of her favourite cow, and he did not understand that the subject became +different when it was human and personal. + +"Because I--because we ain't married yet." + +"Joanna, you little prude!" + +She saw that he was displeased and drew closer to him, slipping her arms +round his neck, so that he could feel the roughness of her work-worn +hands against it. + +"I'm not shocked--only it's so wonderful--I can't abear talking of +it ... Martin, if we had one ... I should just about die of joy ..." + +He gripped her to him silently, unable to speak. Somehow it seemed as if +he had just seen deeper into Joanna than during all the rest of his +courtship. He moved his lips over her bright straying hair--her face was +hidden in his sleeve. + +"Then we'll stop at Mr. Pratt's on our way home and ask him to put up +the banns at once?" + +"Oh no--" lifting herself sharply--"I didn't mean that." + +"Why not?" + +"Well, it won't make any difference to our marriage, being married three +weeks later--but it'll make an unaccountable difference to my wool +prices if the shearers don't do their job proper--and then there's the +hay." + +"On the contrary, child--it will make a difference to our marriage. We +shall have started with Ansdore between us." + +"What nonsense." + +"Well, I can't argue with you--you must do as you like. My wife is a +very strong-willed person, who will keep her husband in proper order. +But he loves her enough to bear it." + +He kissed her gently, and they both stood up. At the same time there was +a sharp scud of rain against the window. + + + + +§18 + +The journey home was quieter and dimmer than the journey out. Their +voices and footsteps were muffled in the roar of the wind, which had +risen from sorrow to anger. The rain beat in their faces as they walked +arm in arm over the shingle. They could not hurry, for at every step +their feet sank. + +"I said it was a tedious hole," reiterated Joanna, "and now perhaps +you'll believe me--the folk here walk with boards on their feet, what +they call backstays. Our shoes will be just about ruined." + +She was not quite happy, for she felt that Martin was displeased with +her, though he made no reproaches. He did not like her to arrange their +wedding day to fit in with the shearing. But what else could she do? If +she was away when the shearers came, there'd be no end to their goings +on with the girls, and besides, who'd see that the work was done proper +and the tegs not scared out of their lives? + +It was only six o'clock, but a premature darkness was falling as the +clouds dropped over Dunge Marsh, and the rain hung like a curtain over +Rye Bay, blotting out all distances, showing them nothing but the +crumbling, uncertain track. In half an hour they were both wet through +to their shoulders, for the rain came down with all the drench of May. +Joanna could see that Martin was beginning to be worried about +himself--he was worried about her too, but he was more preoccupied with +his own health than other men she knew, the only way in which he +occasionally betrayed the weak foundations of his stalwart looks. + +"The worst of it is, we'll have to sit for an hour in the dog-cart after +we get to Jury's Gap. You'll catch your death of cold, Joanna." + +"Not I! I often say I'm like our Romney sheep--I can stand all winds and +waters. But you're not used to it like I am--you should ought to have +brought your overcoat." + +"How was I to know it would turn out like this?" + +"I told you it would rain." + +"But not till after we'd started." + +Joanna said nothing. She accepted Martin's rather unreasonable +displeasure without protest, for she felt guilty about other things. Was +he right, after all, when he said that she was putting Ansdore between +them?... She did not feel that she was, any more than she was putting +Ansdore between herself and Ellen. But she hated him to have the +thought. Should she give in and tell him he could call on Mr. Pratt on +their way home?... No, there was plenty of time to make up her mind +about that. To-day was only Tuesday, and any day up till Saturday would +do for putting in notice of banns ... she must think things over before +committing herself ... it wasn't only the shearers--there was the +hay.... + +Thus they came, walking apart in their own thoughts, to Jury's Gap. In a +few moments the horse was put to, and they were lurching in the ruts of +the road to Broomhill. The air was full of the sound of hissing rain, as +it fell on the shingle and in the sea and on the great brackish pools of +the old flood. Round the pools were thick beds of reeds, shivering and +moaning, while along the dykes the willows tossed their branches and the +thorn-trees rattled. + +"It'll freshen up the grass," said Joanna, trying to cheer Martin. + +"I was a fool not to bring my overcoat," he grumbled. + +Then suddenly her heart went out to him more than ever, because he was +fractious and fretting about himself. She took one hand off the reins +and pressed his as it lay warm between her arm and her side. + +"Reckon you're my own silly child," she said in a low voice. + +"I'm sorry, Jo," he replied humbly, "I know I'm being a beast and +worrying you. But I'm worried about you too--you're as wet as I am." + +"No, I'm not. I've got my coat. I'm not at all worried about myself--nor +about you, neither." She could not conceive of a man taking cold through +a wetting. + +She had planned for him to come back to supper with her at Ansdore, but +with that fussiness which seemed so strange and pathetic, he insisted on +going straight back to North Farthing to change his clothes. + +"You get into a hot bath with some mustard," he said to her, meaning +what he would do himself. + +"Ha! ha!" laughed Joanna, at such an idea. + + + + +§19 + +She did not see Martin for the next two days. He had promised to go up +to London for the first night of a friend's play, and was staying till +Friday morning. She missed him very much--he used to come to Ansdore +every day, sometimes more than once, and they always had at least one +meal together. She brooded about him too, for she could not rid herself +of the thought that she had failed him in her refusal to be married +before the shearing. He was disappointed--he could not understand.... + +She looked round on Ansdore almost distrustfully ... was it true that +she loved it too much? The farm looked very lonely and bare, with the +mist hanging in the doorways, and the rain hissing into the midden, +while the bush--as the trees were called which sheltered nearly every +marsh dwelling--sighed and tossed above the barn-roofs. She suddenly +realized that she did not love it as much as she used. + +The knowledge came like a slap. She suddenly knew that for the last four +months her love for Martin had been eating into her love for Ansdore.... +It was like the sun shining on a fire and putting it out--now that the +sun had gone she saw that her hearth was cold. It was for Martin she +had sown her spring wheat, for Martin she had broken up twelve acres of +pasture by the Kent Ditch, for Martin she would shear her sheep and cut +her hay.... + +Then since it was all for Martin, what an owl she was to sacrifice him +to it, to put it before his wants and needs. He wanted her, he needed +her, and she was offering him bales of wool and cocks of hay. Of course +in this matter she was right and he was wrong--it would be much better +to wait just a week or two till after the shearing and the +hay-making--but for the first time Joanna saw that even right could +surrender. Even though she was right, she could give way to him, bend +her will to his. After all, nothing really mattered except his love, his +good favour--better that she should muddle her shearing and her crops +than the first significant weeks of their married life. He should put +his dear foot upon her neck--for the last of her pride was gone in that +discovery of the dripping day, the discovery that her plans, her +ambitions, her life, herself, had their worth only in the knowledge that +they belonged to him. + +It was on Thursday afternoon that Joanna finally beat Ansdore out of her +love. She cried a little, for she wished that it had happened earlier, +before Martin went away. Still, it was his going that had shown her at +last clearly where she belonged. She thought of writing and telling him +of her surrender, but like most of her kind she shrank from writing +letters except when direly necessary; and she would see Martin +to-morrow--he had promised to come to Ansdore straight from the station. + +So instead of writing her letter, she went and washed the tears off her +face over the sink and sat down to a cup of tea and a piece of bread and +dripping with Mrs. Tolhurst and Milly Pump. When Ellen was at home +Joanna was lofty and exclusive, and had her meals in the +dining-room--she did not think it right that her little sister, with all +her new accomplishments and elegancies, should lead the common, kitchen +life--also, of course, when Martin came they sat down in state, with +pink wine-glasses beside their tumblers. But when she was alone she much +preferred a friendly meal with Milly and Mrs. Tolhurst--she even joined +them in pouring her tea into her saucer, and sat with it cooling on her +spread fingers, her elbow on the cloth. She unbent from mistress to +fellow-worker, and they talked the scandal of a dozen farms. + +"It's as I said, at Yokes Court," said Mrs. Tolhurst--"there's no good +young Mus' Southland saying as the girl's mother sent for her--_I_ know +better." + +"I saw Mrs. Lambarde after church on Sunday," said Joanna, "and she +wasn't expecting Elsie then." + +"Elsie went before her box did," said Milly Pump, "Bill Piper fetched it +along after her, as he told me himself." + +"I'm sure it's Tom Southland," said Joanna. + +"Surelye," said Mrs. Tolhurst, "and all the more as he's been saying at +the Woolpack that the Old Squire's been hanging around after the +girl--which reminds me, Miss Joanna, as I hear Mus' Martin's back this +afternoon." + +"This afternoon! He said to-morrow morning." + +"Well, he's come this afternoon. Broadhurst met him driving from Rye +station." + +"Then he's sure to be over to-night. You get the wine-glasses out, Mrs. +Tolhurst, and spread in the dining-room." + +She rose up from table, once more apart from her servants. Her brain was +humming with surprised joy--Martin was back, she would soon see him, he +would be sure to come to her. And then she would tell him of her +surrender, and the cloud would be gone from their love. + +With beating heart she ran upstairs to change her dress and tidy +herself, for he might come at any moment. There was a red-brown velvet +dress he particularly liked--she pulled it out of her drawer and +smoothed its folds. Her drawers were crammed and heavy with the garments +she was to wear as Martin's wife; there were silk blouses bought at +smart shops in Folkestone and Marlingate; there was a pair of buckled +shoes--size eight; there were piles of neat longcloth and calico +underclothing, demure nightdresses buttoning to the chin, stiff +petticoats, and what she called "petticoat bodies," fastening down the +front with linen buttons, and with tiny, shy frills of embroidery at the +neck and armholes. + +She put on the brown dress, and piled up her hair against the big comb. +She looked at herself in the glass by the light of the candles she had +put to light up the rainy evening. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes +bright, and her hair and her dress were the same soft, burning +colour.... When would Martin come? + +Then suddenly she thought of something even better than his coming. She +thought of herself going over to North Farthing House and telling him +that she had changed her mind and that she was his just as soon as ever +he wanted her.... Her breath came fast at the inspiration--it would be +better than waiting for him here; it gave to her surrender the +spectacular touch which hitherto it had lacked and her nature demanded. +The rain was coming down the wind almost as fiercely and as fast as it +had come on Tuesday night, but Joanna the marsh-born had never cared for +weather. She merely laced on her heavy boots and bundled into her +father's overcoat. Then she put out a hand for an old hat, and suddenly +she remembered the hat Martin had said he liked her in above all others. +It was an old rush basket, soft and shapeless with age, and she tied it +over her head with her father's red and white spotted handkerchief. + +She was now ready, and all she had to do was to run down and tell Mrs. +Tolhurst that if Mr. Martin called while she was out he was to be asked +to wait. She was not really afraid of missing him, for there were few +short cuts on the Marsh, where the long way round of the road was often +the only way--but she hoped she would reach North Farthing before he +left it; she did not want anything to be taken from her surrender, it +must be absolute and complete ... the fires of her own sacrifice were +kindled and were burning her heart. + + + + +§20 + +She did not meet Martin on the Brodnyx Road; only the wind was with her, +and the rain. She turned aside to North Farthing between the Woolpack +and the village, and still she did not meet him--and now she really +thought that she would arrive in time. On either side of the track she +followed, Martin's sheep were grazing--that was his land, those were his +dykes and willows, ahead of her were the lighted windows of his house. +She wondered what he would say when he saw her. Would he be much +surprised? She had come to North Farthing once or twice before, but not +very often. If he was not surprised to see her, he would be surprised +when she told him why she had come. She pictured how he would receive +her news--with his arms round her, with his kisses on her mouth. + +Her arrival was a check--the formalities of her betrothed's house never +failed to upset her. To begin with she had to face that impertinent +upstart of a Nell Raddish, all tricked out in a black dress and white +apron and cap and collar and cuffs, and she only a cowman's daughter +with a face like a plum, and no sense or notions at all till she came to +Farthing, since when, as everyone knew, her skirts had grown shorter and +her nose whiter and her hair frizzier and her ways more knowing. + +"Good evening, Nell," said Joanna, covering her embarrassment with +patronage, "is Mr. Martin at home?" + +"Yes, he is," said Nell, "he came back this afternoon." + +"I know that, of course. I want to see him, please." + +"I'm not sure if he's gone up to bed. Come in, and I'll go and look." + +"Up to bed!" + +"Yes, he's feeling poorly. That's why he came home." + +"Poorly, what's the matter?" Joanna pushed past Nell into the house. + +"I dunno, a cold or cough. He told me to bring him some tea and put a +hot brick in his bed. Sir Harry ain't in yet." + +Joanna marched up the hall to the door of Martin's study. She stopped +and listened for a moment, but could hear nothing, except the beating of +her own heart. Then, without knocking, she went in. The room was ruddy +and dim with firelight, and at first she thought it was empty, but the +next minute she saw Martin huddled in an armchair, a tea-tray on a low +stool beside him. + +"Martin!" + +He started up out of a kind of sleep, and blinked at her. + +"Jo! Is that you?" + +"Yes. I've come over to tell you I'll marry you whenever you want. +Martin dear, what's the matter? Are you ill?" + +"It's nothing much--I've caught cold, and thought I'd better come home. +Colds always make me feel wretched." + +She could see that he was anxious about himself, and in her pity she +forgave him for having ignored her surrender. She knelt down beside him +and took both his restless hands. + +"Have you had your tea, dear?" + +"No. I asked her to bring it, and then I sort of fell asleep ..." + +"I'll give it to you." + +She poured out his tea, giving him a hot black cup, with plenty of +sugar, as they liked it on the Marsh. He drank it eagerly, and felt +better. + +"Jo, how good of you to come over and see me. Who told you I was back?" + +"I heard it from Milly Pump, and she heard it from Broadhurst." + +"I meant to send a message round to you. I hope I'll be all right +to-morrow." + +"Reckon you will, dear.... Martin, you heard what I said--about marrying +you when you want?" + +"Do you mean it?" + +"Of course I mean it--I came over a-purpose to tell you. While you was +away I did some thinking, and I found that Ansdore doesn't matter to me +what it used. It's only you that matters now." + +She was crouching at his feet, and he stooped over her, taking her in +his arms, drawing her back between his knees. + +"You noble, beloved thing ..." + +The burning touch of his lips and face reminded her that he was ill, so +the consecration of her sacrifice lost a little of its joy. + +"You're feverish--you should ought to go to bed." + +"I'm going--when I've had another cup of tea. Will you give me another, +child?" + +"I've a mind to go home through Brodnyx and ask Dr. Taylor to call +round." + +"Oh, I don't think I'm bad enough for a doctor--I catch cold easily, +and I was wet through the other night." + +"Was it that!" Her voice shook with consternation. + +"I expect so--but don't fret, darling Jo. It's nothing. I'll be quite +right to-morrow--I feel better already." + +"I think you should ought to see a doctor, though. I'll call in on my +way back. I'll can in on Mr. Pratt, too, and tell him to start crying us +next Sunday." + +"That's my business--I'll go to-morrow. But are you sure, darling, you +can make such a sacrifice? I'm afraid I've been a selfish beast, and I'm +spoiling your plans." + +"Oh no, you ain't. I feel now as if I wanted to get married more'n +anything wotsumever. The shearing ull do proper--the men know their +job--and Broadhurst ull see to the hay. They dursn't muck things up, +knowing as I'll be home to see to it by July." + +"To say nothing of me," said Martin, pinching her ear. + +"To say nothing of you." + +"Joanna, you've got on the old hat ..." + +"I put it on special." + +"Bless you." + +He pulled her down to the arm of his chair, and for a moment they +huddled together, cheek on cheek. The opening of the door made Joanna +spring virtuously upright. It was Sir Harry. + +"Hullo, Joanna!--you here. Hullo, Martin! The lovely Raddish says you've +come home middling queer. I hope that doesn't mean anything serious." + +"I've got some sort of a chill, and I feel a beast. So I thought I'd +better come home." + +"I've given him his tea," said Joanna, "and now he should ought to go to +bed." + +Sir Harry looked at her. She struck him as an odd figure, in her velvet +gown and basket hat, thick boots and man's overcoat. The more he saw of +her, the less could he think what to make of her as a daughter-in-law; +but to-night he was thankful for her capable managing--mentally and +physically he was always clumsy with Martin in illness. He found it hard +to adapt himself to the occasional weakness of this being who dominated +him in other ways. + +"Do you think he's feverish?" + +Joanna felt Martin's hands again. + +"I guess he is. Maybe he wants a dose--or a cup of herb tea does good, +they say. But I'll ask Doctor to come around. Martin, I'm going now this +drackly minute, and I'll call in at Dr. Taylor's and at Mr. Pratt's." + +"Wait till to-morrow, and I'll see Pratt," said Martin, unable to rid +himself of the idea that a bride should find such an errand +embarrassing. + +"I'd sooner go myself to-night. Anyways you mustn't go traipsing around, +even if you feel better to-morrow. I'll settle everything, so don't you +fret." + +She took his face between her hands, and kissed him as if he were a +child. + +"Good night, my duck. You get off to bed and keep warm." + + + + +§21 + +She worked off her fears in action. Having given notice of the banns to +Mr. Pratt, sent off Dr. Taylor to North Farthing, put up a special +petition for Martin in her evening prayers, she went to bed and slept +soundly. She was not an anxious soul, and a man's illness never struck +her as particularly alarming. Men were hard creatures--whose weaknesses +were of mind and character rather than of body--and though Martin was +softer than some, she could not quite discount his broad back and +shoulders, his strong, swinging arms. + +She drove over to North Farthing soon after breakfast, expecting to find +him, in spite of her injunctions, about and waiting for her. + +"The day's warm and maybe he won't hurt if he drives on with me to +Honeychild"--the thought of him there beside her was so strong that she +could almost feel his hand lying pressed between her arm and her heart. + +But when she came to the house she found only Sir Harry, prowling in the +hall. + +"I'm glad you've come, Joanna. I'm anxious about Martin." + +"What's the matter? What did the doctor say?" + +"He said there's congestion of the lung or something. Martin took a fit +of the shivers after you'd gone, and of course it made him worse when +the doctor said the magic word 'lung.' He's always been hipped about +himself, you know." + +"I'd better go and see him." + +She hitched the reins, and climbed down out of the trap--stumbling +awkwardly as she alighted, for she had begun to tremble. + +"You don't think he's very bad, do you?" + +"Can't say. I wish Taylor ud come. He said he'd be here again this +morning." + +His voice was sharp and complaining, for anything painful always made +him exasperated. Martin lying ill in bed, Martin shivering and in pain +and in a funk was so unlike the rather superior being whom he liked to +pretend bullied him, that he felt upset and rather shocked. He gave a +sigh of relief as Joanna ran upstairs--he told himself that she was a +good practical sort of woman, and handsome when she was properly +dressed. + +She had never been upstairs in North Farthing House before, but she +found Martin's room after only one false entry--which surprised the +guilty Raddish sitting at Sir Harry's dressing-table and smarming his +hair-cream on her ignoble head. The blinds in Martin's room were down, +and he was half-sitting, half-lying in bed, with his head turned away +from her. + +"That you, father?--has Taylor come?" + +"No, it's me, dearie. I've come to see what I can do for you." + +The sight of him huddled there in the pillows, restless, comfortless, +neglected, wrung her heart. Hitherto her love for Martin had been +singularly devoid of intimacy. They had kissed each other, they had +eaten dinner and tea and supper together, they had explored the Three +Marshes in each other's company, but she had scarcely ever been to his +house, never seen him asleep, and in normal circumstances would have +perished rather than gone into his bedroom. To-day when she saw him +there, lying on his wide, tumbled bed, among his littered +belongings--his clothes strewn untidily on the floor, his books on their +shelves, his pictures that struck her rigidity as indecent, his +photographs of people who had touched his life, some perhaps closely, +but were unknown to her, she had a queer sense of the revelation of +poor, pathetic secrets. This, then, was Martin when he was away from +her--untidy, sensual, forlorn, as all men were ... she bent down and +kissed him. + +"Lovely Jo," ... he yielded childish, burning lips, then drew away--"No, +you mustn't kiss me--it might be bad for you." + +"Gammon, dear. 'Tis only a chill." + +She saw that he was in a bate about himself, so after her tender +beginnings, she became rough. She made him sit up while she shook his +pillows, then she made him lie flat and tucked the sheet round him +strenuously; she scolded him for leaving his clothes lying about on the +floor. She felt as if her love for him was only just beginning--the last +four months seemed cold and formal compared with these moments of warm, +personal service. She brought him water for his hands, and scrubbed his +face with a sponge to his intense discomfort. She was bawling downstairs +to the unlucky Raddish to put the kettle on for some herb tea--since an +intimate cross-examination revealed that he had not had the recommended +dose--when the doctor arrived and came upstairs with Sir Harry. + +He undid a good deal of Joanna's good work--he ordered the blind to be +let down again, and he refused to back her up in her injunctions to the +patient to lie flat--on the contrary he sent for more pillows, and +Martin had to confess to feeling easier when he was propped up against +them with a rug round his shoulders. He then announced that he would +send for a nurse from Rye. + +"Oh, but I can manage," cried Joanna--"let me nurse him. I can come and +stop here, and nurse him day and night." + +"I am sure there is no one whom he'd rather have than you, Miss Godden," +said Dr. Taylor gallantly, "but of course you are not professional, and +pneumonia wants thoroughly experienced nursing--the nurse counts more +than the doctor in a case like this." + +"Pneumonia! Is that what's the matter with him?" + +They had left Martin's room, and the three of them were standing in the +hall. + +"I'm afraid that's it--only in the right lung so far." + +"But you can stop it--you won't let him get worse. Pneumonia!..." + +The word was full of a sinister horror to her, suggesting +suffocation--agony. And Martin's chest had always been weak--the weak +part of his strong body. She should have thought of that ... thought of +it three nights ago when, all through her, he had been soaked with the +wind-driven rain ... just like a drowned rat he had looked when they +came to Ansdore, his cap dripping, the water running down his neck.... +No, no, it could not be that--he couldn't have caught pneumonia just +through getting wet that time--she had got wet a dunnamany times and not +been tuppence the worse ... his lungs were not weak in that way--it was +the London fogs that had disagreed with them, the doctor had said so, +and had sent him away from town, to the Marsh and the rain.... He had +been in London for the last two days, and the fog had got into his poor +chest again,--that was all, and now that he was home on the Marsh he +would soon be well--of course he would soon be well--she was a fool to +fret. And now she would go upstairs and sit with him till the nurse +came; it was her last chance of doing those little tender, rough, +intimate things for him ... till they were married--oh, she wouldn't let +him fling his clothes about like that when they were married! Meantime +she would go up, and see that he swallowed every drop of the herb +tea--that was the stuff to give anyone who was ill on the Marsh, no +matter what the doctor said ... rheumatism, bronchitis, colic, it cured +them all. + + + + +§22 + +Martin was very ill. The herb tea did not cure him, nor did the stuff +the doctor gave him. Nor did the starched crackling nurse, who turned +Joanna out of the room and exasperatingly spoke of Martin as "my +patient." + +Joanna had lunch with Sir Harry, who in the stress of anxiety was +turning into something very like a father, and afterwards drove off in +her trap to Rye, having forgotten all about the Honeychild errand. She +went to the fruiterers, and ordered grapes and peaches. + +"But you won't get them anywhere now, Miss Godden. It's just between +seasons--in another month ..." + +"I must have 'em now," said Joanna truculently, "I don't care what I +pay." + +It ended in the telephone at the Post Office being put into hysteric +action, and a London shop admonished to send down peaches and grapes to +Rye station by passenger train that afternoon. + +The knowledge of Martin's illness was all over Walland Marsh by the +evening. All the Marsh knew about the doctor and the nurse and the +peaches and grapes from London. The next morning they knew that he was +worse, and that his brother had been sent for--Father Lawrence arrived +on Saturday night, driving in the carrier's cart from Rye station. On +Sunday morning people met on their way to church, and shook their heads +as they told each other the latest news from North Farthing--double +pneumonia, an abscess on the lung.... Nell Raddish said his face was +blue ... the Old Squire was quite upset ... the nurse was like a +heathen, raging at the cook.... Joanna Godden?--she sat all day in Mr. +Martin's study, waiting to be sent for upstairs, but she'd only seen him +once.... + +Then, when tongues at last were quiet in church, just before the second +lesson, Mr. Pratt read out-- + +"I publish the banns of marriage between Martin Arbuthnot Trevor, +bachelor, of this parish, and Joanna Mary Godden, spinster, of the +parish of Pedlinge. This is for the first time of asking. If any of you +know any just cause or impediment why these persons should not be joined +together in holy matrimony, ye are to declare it." + + + + +§23 + +Martin died early on Monday morning. Joanna was with him at the last, +and to the last she did not believe that he would die--because he had +given up worrying about himself, so she was sure he must feel better. +Three hours before he died he held both her hands and looked at her +once more like a man out of his eyes ... "Lovely Jo," he said. + +She had lain down in most of her clothes as usual, in the little spare +room, and between two and three o'clock in the morning the nurse had +roused her. + +"You're wanted ... but I'm not sure if he'll know you." + +He didn't. He knew none of them--his mind seemed to have gone away and +left his body to fight its last fight alone. + +"He doesn't feel anything," they said to her, when Martin gasped and +struggled--"but don't stay if you'd rather not." + +"I'd rather stay," said Joanna, "he may know me. Martin ..." she called +to him. "Martin--I'm here--I'm Jo--" but it was like calling to someone +who is already far away down a long road. + +There was a faint sweet smell of oil in the room--Father Lawrence had +administered the last rites of Holy Church. His romance and Martin's had +met at his brother's death-bed ... "Go forth, Christian soul, from this +world, in the Name of God--in the name of the Angels and Archangels--in +the name of the Patriarchs, Prophets, Apostles, Evangelists, Martyrs, +Confessors, Virgins, and of all the Saints of God; let thine habitation +to-day be in peace and thine abode in Holy Sion" ... "Martin, it's only +me, it's only Jo" ... Thus the two voices mingled, and he heard neither. + +The cold morning lit up the window square, and the window rattled with +the breeze of Rye Bay. Joanna felt someone take her hand and lead her +towards the door. "He's all right now," said Lawrence's voice--"it's +over ..." + +Somebody was giving her a glass of wine--she was sitting in the +dining-room, staring unmoved at Nell Raddish's guilt revealed in a +breakfast-table laid over night. Lawrence and Sir Harry were both with +her, being kind to her, forgetting their own grief in trying to comfort +her. But Joanna only wanted to go home. Suddenly she felt lonely and +scared in this fine house, with its thick carpets and mahogany and +silver--now that Martin was not here to befriend her in it. She did not +belong--she was an outsider, she wanted to go away. + +She asked for the trap, and they tried to persuade her to stay and have +some breakfast, but she repeated doggedly, "I want to go." Lawrence went +and fetched the trap round, for the men were not about yet. The morning +had not really come--only the cold twilight, empty and howling with +wind, with a great drifting sky of fading stars. + +Lawrence went with her to the door, and kissed her--"Good-bye, dear Jo. +Father or I will come and see you soon." She was surprised at the kiss, +for he had never kissed her before, though the Squire had taken full +advantage of their relationship--she had supposed it wasn't right for +Jesoots. + +She did not know what she said to him--probably nothing. There was a +terrible silence in her heart. She heard Smiler's hoofs upon the +road--clop, clop, clop. But they did not break the silence within ... +oh, Martin, Martin, put your hand under my arm, against my heart--maybe +that'll stop it aching. + +Thoughts of Martin crowding upon her, filling her empty heart with +memories.... Martin sitting on the tombstone outside Brodnyx church on +Christmas day, Martin holding her in his arms on the threshold of +Ansdore ... Martin kissing her in New Romney church, bending her back +against the pillar stained with the old floods ... that drive through +Broomhill--how he had teased her!--"we'll come here for our honeymoon" +... Dunge Ness, the moaning sea, the wind, her fear, his arms ... the +warm kitchen of the Britannia, with the light of the wreckwood fire, the +teacups on the table, "we shall want to see our children".... No, no, +you mustn't say that--not _now_, not _now_.... Remember instead how we +quarrelled, how he tried to get between me and Ansdore, so that I forgot +Ansdore, and gave it up for his sake; but it's all I've got now. I gave +up Ansdore to Martin, and now I've lost Martin and got Ansdore. I've got +three hundred acres and four hundred sheep and three hundred pounds at +interest in Lewes Old Bank. But I've lost Martin. I've done valiant for +Ansdore, better'n ever I hoped--poor father ud be proud of me. But my +heart's broken. I don't like remembering--it hurts--I must forget. + +Colour had come into the dawn. The Marsh was slowly turning from a +strange papery grey to green. The sky changed from white to blue, and +suddenly became smeared with ruddy clouds. At once the watercourses lit +up, streaking across the green in fiery slats--the shaking boughs of the +willows became full of fire, and at the turn of the road the windows of +Ansdore shone as if it were burning. + +There it stood at the road's bend. Its roofs a fiery yellow with the +swarming sea-lichen, its solid walls flushed faintly pink in the +sunrise, its windows squares of amber and flame. It was as a house lit +up and welcoming. It seemed to shout to Joanna as she came to it clop, +clop along the road. + +"Come back--come home to me--I'm glad to see you again. You forgot me +for five days, but you won't forget me any more--for I'm all that you've +got now." + + + + + + +_PART III_ + +THE LITTLE SISTER + + + + +§1 + +For many months Ansdore was a piece of wreckage to which a drowning +woman clung. Joanna's ship had foundered--the high-castled, seaworthy +ship of her life--and she drifted through the dark seas, clinging only +to this which had once been so splendid in the midst of her decks, but +was now mere wreckage, the least thing saved. If she let go she would +drown. So she trailed after Ansdore, and at last it brought her a kind +of anchorage, not in her native land, but at least in no unkind country +of adoption. During the last weeks of Martin's wooing, she had withdrawn +herself a little from the business of the farm into a kind of +overlordship, from which she was far more free to detach herself than +from personal service. Now she went back to work with her hands--she did +not want free hours, either for his company or for her own dreams; she +rose early, because she waked early and must rise when she waked, and +she went round waking the girls, hustling the men, putting her own hand +to the milking or the cooking, more sharp-tongued than ever, less +tolerant, but more terribly alive, with a kind of burning, consuming +life that vexed all those about her. + +"She spicks short wud me," said old Stuppeny, "and I've töald her as she +mun look around fur a new head man. This time I'm going." + +"She's a scold," said Broadhurst, "and reckon the young chap säaved +himself a tedious life by dying." + +"Reckon her heart's broke," said Mrs. Tolhurst. + +"Her temper's broke," said Milly Pump. + +They were unsympathetic, because she expressed her grief in terms of +fierce activity instead of in the lackadaisical ways of tradition. If +Joanna had taken to her bed on her return from North Farthing House that +early time, and had sent for the doctor, and shown all the credited +symptoms of a broken heart, they would have pitied her and served her +and borne with her. But, instead, she had come back hustling and +scolding, and they could not see that she did so because not merely her +heart but her whole self was broken, and that she was just flying and +rattling about like a broken thing. So instead of pitying her, they +grumbled and threatened to leave her service--in fact, Milly Pump +actually did so, and was succeeded by Mene Tekel Fagge, the daughter of +Bibliolatious parents at Northlade. + +Ansdore throve on its mistress's frenzy. That autumn Joanna had four +hundred pounds in Lewes Old Bank, the result of her splendid markets and +of her new ploughs, which had borne eight bushels to the acre. She had +triumphed gloriously over everyone who had foretold her ruin through +breaking up pasture; strong-minded farmers could scarcely bear to drive +along that lap of the Brodnyx road which ran through Joanna's wheat, +springing slim and strong and heavy-eared as from Lothian soil--if there +had been another way from Brodnyx to Rye market they would have taken +it; indeed it was rumoured that on one occasion Vine had gone by train +from Appledore because he couldn't abear the sight of Joanna Godden's +ploughs. + +This rumour, when it reached her, brought her a faint thrill. It was the +beginning of a slow process of reidentification of herself with her own +activities, which till then had been as some furious raging outside the +house. She began to picture new acts of discomfiting adventure, new +roads which should be shut to Vine through envy. Ansdore was all she +had, so she must make it much. When she had given it and herself to +Martin she had had all the Marsh and all the world to plant with her +love; but since he was gone and had left her gifts behind him, she had +just a few acres to plant with wheat--and her harvest should be bread +alone. + + + + +§2 + +Her black months had changed her--not outwardly very much, but leaving +wounds in her heart. Martin had woken in her too many needs for her to +be able to go back quietly into the old life of unfulfilled content. He +had shown her a vision of herself as complete woman, mother and wife, of +a Joanna Godden bigger than Ansdore. She could no longer be the Joanna +Godden whose highest ambition was to be admitted member of the Farmers' +Club. He had also woken in her certain simple cravings--for a man's +strong arm round her and his shoulder under her cheek. She had now to +make the humiliating discovery that the husk of such a need can remain +after the creating spirit had left it. In the course of the next year +she had one or two small, rather undignified flirtations with +neighbouring farmers--there was young Gain over at Botolph's Bridge, and +Ernest Noakes of Belgar. They did not last long, and she finally +abandoned both in disgust, but a side of her, always active +unconsciously, was now disturbingly awake, requiring more concrete +satisfactions than the veiled, self-deceiving episode of Socknersh. + +She was ashamed of this. And it made her withdraw from comforts she +might have had. She never went to North Farthing House, where she could +have talked about Martin with the one person who--as it happened--would +have understood her treacheries. Lawrence came to see her once at the +end of September, but she was gruff and silent. She recoiled from his +efforts to break the barriers between life and death; he wanted her to +give Martin her thoughts and her prayers just as if he were alive. But +she "didn't hold with praying for the dead"--the Lion and the Unicorn +would certainly disapprove of such an act; and Martin was now robed in +white, with a crown on his head and a harp in his hand and a new song in +his mouth--he had no need of the prayers of Joanna Godden's unfaithful +lips. As for her thoughts, by the same token she could not think of him +as he was now; that radiant being in glistening white was beyond the +soft approaches of imagination--robed and crowned, he could scarcely be +expected to remember himself in a tweed suit and muddy boots kissing a +flushed and hot Joanna on the lonely innings by Beggar's Bush. No, +Martin was gone--gone beyond thought and prayer--gone to sing hymns for +ever and ever--he who could never abide them on earth--gone to forget +Joanna in the company of angels--pictured uncomfortably by her as +females, who would be sure to tell him that she had let Thomas Gain kiss +her in the barn over at Botolph's Bridge.... + +She could not think of him as he was now, remote and white, and she +could bear still less to think of him as he had been once, warm and +loving, with his caressing hands and untidy hair, with his flushed cheek +pressed against hers, and the good smell of his clothes--with his living +mouth closing slowly down on hers ... no, earth was even sharper than +heaven. All she had of him in which her memory and her love could find +rest were those few common things they keep to remember their dead by on +the Marsh--a memorial card, thickly edged with black, which she had had +printed at her own expense, since apparently such things were no part of +the mourning of North Farthing House; his photograph in a black frame; +his grave in Brodnyx churchyard, in the shadow of the black, +three-hooded tower, and not very far from the altar-tomb on which he had +sat and waited for her that Christmas morning. + + + + +§3 + +In the fall of the next year, she found that once again she had +something to engross her outside Ansdore. Ellen was to leave school that +Christmas. The little sister was now seventeen, and endowed with all the +grace; and learning that forty pounds a term can buy. During the last +year she and Joanna had seen comparatively little of each other. She had +received one or two invitations from her school friends to spend her +holidays with them--a fine testimonial, thought Joanna, to her manners +and accomplishments--and her sister had been only too glad that she +should go, that she should be put out of the shadow of a grief which had +grown too black even for her sentimental schoolgirl sympathy, so +gushing and caressing, in the first weeks of her poor Joanna's mourning. + +But things were different now--Martin's memory was laid. She told +herself that it was because she was too busy that she had not gone as +usual to the Harvest Festival at New Romney, to sing hymns beside the +pillar marked with the old floods. She was beginning to forget. She +could think and she could love. She longed to have Ellen back again, to +love and spoil and chasten. She was glad that she was leaving school, +and would make no fugitive visit to Ansdore. Immediately her mind leapt +to preparations--her sister was too big to sleep any more in the little +bed at the foot of her own, she must have a new bed ... and suddenly +Joanna thought of a new room, a project which would mop up all her +overflowing energies for the next month. + +It should be a surprise for Ellen. She sent for painters and +paper-hangers, and chose a wonderful new wall-paper of climbing +chrysanthemums, rose and blue in colour, and tied with large bows of +gold ribbon--real, shining gold. The paint she chose was a delicate +fawn, picked out with rose and blue. She bought yards of flowered +cretonne for the bed and window curtains, and had the mahogany furniture +moved in from the spare bedroom. The carpet she bought brand new--it was +a sea of stormy crimson, with fawn-coloured islands rioted over with +roses and blue tulips. Joanna had never enjoyed herself so much since +she lost Martin, as she did now, choosing all the rich colours, and +splendid solid furniture. The room cost her nearly forty pounds, for she +had to buy new furniture for the spare bedroom, having given Ellen the +mahogany. + +As a final touch she hung the walls with pictures. There was a large +photograph of Ventnor church, Isle of Wight, and another of Furness +Abbey in an Oxford frame; there was "Don't Touch" and "Mother's Boy" +from "Pears' Christmas Annual," and two texts, properly expounded with +robins. To crown all, there was her father's certificate of enrolment in +the Ancient Order of Buffaloes, sacrificed from her own room, and hung +proudly in the place of honour over Ellen's bed. + + + + +§4 + +Her sister came at Thomas-tide, and Joanna drove in to meet her at Rye. +Brodnyx had now a station of its own on the new light railway from +Appledore to Lydd, but Joanna was still faithful to Rye. She loved the +spanking miles, the hard white lick of road that flew under her wheels +as she drove through Pedlinge, and then, swinging round the throws, +flung out on the Straight Mile. She trotted under the Land Gate, feeling +pleasantly that all the town was watching her from shop and street. Her +old love of swagger had come back, with perhaps a slight touch of +defiance. + +At the station she had to wake old Stuppeny out of his slumber on the +back seat, and put him in his proper place at Smiler's head, while she +went on the platform. The train was just due, and she had not passed +many remarks with the ticket-collector--a comely young fellow whom she +liked for his build and the sauciness of his tongue--before it arrived. +As it steamed in, her heart began to beat anxiously--she bit her lip, +and actually looked nervous. Ellen was the only person in the world who +could make her feel shy and ill at ease, and Ellen had only lately +acquired this power; but there had been a constraint about their +meetings for the last year. During the last year Ellen had become +terribly good-mannered and grown up, and somehow that first glimpse of +the elegant maiden whom her toil and sacrifice had built out of little +Ellen Godden of Ansdore, never failed to give Joanna a queer sense of +awkwardness and inferiority. + +To-day Ellen was more impressive, more "different" than ever. She had +been allowed to buy new clothes before leaving Folkestone, and her long +blue coat and neat little hat made Joanna, for the first time in her +life, feel tawdry and savage in her fur and feathers. Her sister stepped +down from her third-class carriage as a queen from her throne, beckoned +to Rye's one porter, and without a word pointed back into the +compartment, from which he removed a handbag; whereat she graciously +gave him twopence and proceeded to greet Joanna. + +"Dear Jo," she murmured, filling her embrace with a soft perfume of +hair, which somehow stifled the "Hello, duckie" on the other's tongue. + +Joanna found herself turning to Rye's one porter with inquiries after +his wife and little boy, doing her best to take the chill off the +proceedings. She wished that Ellen wouldn't give herself these airs. It +is true that they always wore off as Ansdore reasserted itself in old +clothes and squabbles, but Joanna resented her first impressions. + +However, her sister thawed a little on the drive home--she was curious +about the affairs of Brodnyx and Pedlinge, for her time in two worlds +was at an end, and Ansdore was henceforth to give her its horizons. + +"Will there be any parties at Christmas?" she asked. + +"Sure to be," said Joanna, "I'll be giving one myself, and Mrs. Vine was +telling me only yesterday as she's a mind to have some neighbours in for +whist." + +"Won't there be any dancing?" + +"Oh, it's that what you're after, is it?" said Joanna proudly. + +"Mabel and Pauline are going to heaps of dances this Christmas--and Myra +West is coming out. Mayn't I come out, Joanna?" + +"Come out o' what, dearie?" + +"Oh, you know--put up my hair and go to balls." + +"You can put your hair up any day you please--I put mine up at fifteen, +and you're turned seventeen now. As for balls ..." + +She broke off, a little at a loss as to how she was to supply this +deficiency. It would scarcely be possible for her to break into the +enclosures of Dungemarsh Court--especially since she had allowed herself +to drop away from North Farthing House ... she had been a fool to do +that--Sir Harry might have helped her now. But then ... her lips +tightened.... Anyhow, he would not be at home for Christmas--since +Martin's death he had sub-let the farm and was a good deal away; people +said he had "come into" some money, left him by a former mistress, who +had died more grateful than he deserved. + +"I'll do the best I can for you, duck," said Joanna, "you shall have +your bit of dancing--and anyways I've got a fine, big surprise for you +when we're home." + +"What sort of a surprise?" + +"That's telling." + +Ellen, in spite of her dignity, was child enough to be intensely excited +at the idea of a secret, and the rest of the drive was spent in baffled +question and provoking answer. + +"I believe it's something for me to wear," she said finally, as they +climbed out of the trap at the front door--"a ring, Joanna.... I've +always wanted a ring." + +"It's better than a ring," said Joanna, "leastways it's bigger," and she +laughed to herself. + +She led the way upstairs, while Mrs. Tolhurst and old Stuppeny waltzed +recriminatingly with Ellen's box. + +"Where are you taking me?" asked her sister, pausing with her hand on +the door-knob of Joanna's bedroom. + +"Never you mind--come on." + +Would Mene Tekel, she wondered, have remembered to set the lamps, so +that the room should not depend on the faint gutter of sunset to display +its glories? She opened the door, and was reassured--a fury of light and +colour leapt out--rose, blue, green, buff, and the port-wine red of +mahogany. The pink curtains were drawn, but there was no fire in the +grate--for fires in bedrooms were unknown at Ansdore; however, a +Christmas-like effect was given by sprigs of holly stuck in the +picture-frames, and a string of paper flowers hung from the bed-tester +to the top of the big woolly bell-rope by the mantelpiece. Joanna heard +her sister gasp. + +"It's yours, Ellen--your new room. I've given it to you--all to +yourself. There's the spare mahogany furniture, and the best pictures, +and poor father's Buffalo certificate." + +The triumph of her own achievement melted away the last of her +uneasiness--she seized Ellen in her arms and kissed her, knocking her +hat over one ear. + +"See, you've got new curtains--eighteenpence a yard ... and that's +mother's text--'Inasmuch....' and I've bought a new soap-dish at +Godfrey's--it doesn't quite go with the basin, but they've both got +roses on 'em ... and you won't mind there being a few of my gowns in the +wardrobe--only the skirts--I've got room for the bodies in my drawers +... that's the basket armchair out of the dining-room, with a new cover +that Mene Tekel fixed for it ... the clock's out of the spare room--it +don't go, but it looks fine on the mantelpiece.... Say, duckie, are you +pleased?--are you pleased with your old Jo?" + +"Oh, Joanna ... thank you," said Ellen. + +"Well, I'll have to be leaving you now--that gal's got a rabbit pie in +the oven for our tea, and I must go and have a look at her crust. You +unpack and clean yourself--and be careful not to spoil anything." + + + + +§5 + +Supper that night was rather a quiet meal. Something about Ellen drove +Joanna back into her old sense of estrangement. Her sister made her +think of a lily on a thundery day. She wore a clinging dress of dull +green stuff, which sheathed her delicate figure like a lily bract--her +throat rose out of it like a lily stalk, and her face, with its small +features and soft skin, was the face of a white flower. About her clung +a dim atmosphere of the languid and exotic, like the lily's scent which +is so unlike the lily. + +"Ellen," broke out Joanna, with a glance down at her own high, tight +bosom, "don't you ever wear stays?" + +"No. Miss Collins and the gym mistress both say it's unhealthy." + +"Unhealthy! And don't they never wear none themselves?" + +"Never. They look much better without--besides, small waists are going +out of fashion." + +"But ... Ellen ... it ain't seemly--to show the natural shape of your +body as you're doing." + +"I've been told my figure's a very good one." + +"And whoever dared make such a remark to you?" + +"It was a compliment." + +"I don't call it any compliment to say such things to a young girl. +Besides, what right have you to go showing what you was meant to hide?" + +"I'm not showing anything I was meant to hide. My figure isn't nearly so +pronounced as yours--if I had your figure, I couldn't wear this sort of +frock." + +"My figure is as God made it"--which it certainly was not--"and I was +brought up to be the shape of a woman, in proper stays, and not the +shape of a heathen statue. I'd be ashamed for any of the folk around +here to see you like that--and if Arthur Alce, or any other man, came +in, I'd either have to send you out or wrap the table-cover round you." + +Ellen took refuge in a haughty silence, and Joanna began to feel uneasy +and depressed. She thought that Ellen was "fast." Was this what she had +learned at school--to flout the standards of her home? + + + + +§6 + +The next morning Joanna overslept herself, in consequence of a restless +hour during the first part of the night. As a result, it had struck half +past seven before she went into her sister's room. She was not the kind +of person who knocks at doors, and burst in to find Ellen, inadequately +clothed in funny little garments, doing something very busily inside the +cupboard. + +"Hullo, duckie! And how did you sleep in your lovely bed?" + +She was once more aglow with the vitality and triumph of her own being, +but the next moment she experienced a vague sense of chill--something +was the matter with the room, something had happened to it. It had lost +its sense of cheerful riot, and wore a chastened, hangdog air. In a +spasm of consternation Joanna realized that Ellen had been tampering +with it. + +"What have you done?--Where's my pictures?--Where've you put the window +curtains?" she cried at last. + +Ellen stiffened herself and tried not to look guilty. + +"I'm just trying to find room for my own things." + +Joanna stared about her. + +"Where's father's Buffalo certificate?" + +"I've put it in the cupboard." + +"In the cupboard!--father's ... and I'm blessed if you haven't taken +down the curtains." + +"They clash with the carpet--it quite hurts me to look at them. Really, +Joanna, if this is my room, you oughtn't to mind what I do in it." + +"Your room, indeed!--You've got some sass!--And I spending more'n forty +pound fixing it up for you. I've given you new wall paper and new carpet +and new curtains and all the best pictures, and took an unaccountable +lot of trouble, and now you go and mess it up." + +"I haven't messed it up. On the contrary"--Ellen's vexation was breaking +through her sense of guilt--"I'm doing the best I can to make it look +decent. Since you say you've done it specially for me and spent all that +money on it, I think at least you might have consulted my taste a +little." + +"And what is your taste, ma'am?" + +"A bit quieter than yours," said Ellen saucily. "There are about six +different shades of red and pink in this room." + +"And what shades would you have chosen, may I be so bold as to ask?" +Joanna's voice dragged ominously with patience--"the same shade as your +last night's gownd, which is the colour of the mould on jam? I'll have +the colours I like in my own house--I'm sick of your dentical, die-away +notions. You come home from school thinking you know everything, when +all you've learned is to despise my best pictures, and say my curtains +clash with the carpet, when I chose 'em for a nice match. I tell you +what, ma'am, you can just about put them curtains back, and them +pictures, and that certificate of poor father's that you're so ashamed +of." + +"I want to put my own pictures up," said Ellen doggedly--"if I've got to +live with your carpet and wallpaper, I don't see why I shouldn't have my +own pictures." + +Joanna swept her eye contemptuously over "The Vigil," "Sir Galahad," +"The Blessed Damozel," and one or two other schoolgirl favourites that +were lying on the bed. + +"You can stick those up as well--there ain't such a lot." + +"But can't you see, Joanna, that there are too many pictures on the wall +already?--It's simply crowded with them. Really, you're an obstinate old +beast," and Ellen began to cry. + +Joanna fought back in herself certain symptoms of relenting. She could +not bear to see Ellen cry, but on the other hand she had "fixed up" this +room for Ellen--she had had it furnished and decorated for her--and now +Ellen must and should appreciate it. She should not be allowed to +disguise and bowdlerize it to suit the unwelcome tastes she had acquired +at school. The sight of her father's Buffalo certificate, lying face +downwards on the cupboard floor, gave strength to her flagging purpose. + +"You pick that up and hang it in its proper place." + +"I won't." + +"You will." + +"I won't! Why should I have that hideous thing over my bed?" + +"Because it was your father's, and you should ought to be proud of it." + +"It's some low drinking society he belonged to, and I'm not proud--I'm +ashamed." + +Joanna boxed her ears. + +"You don't deserve to be his daughter, Ellen Godden, speaking so. It's +you that's bringing us all to shame--thank goodness you've left school, +where you learned all that tedious, proud nonsense. You hang those +pictures up again, and those curtains, and you'll keep this room just +what I've made it for you." + +Ellen was weeping bitterly now, but her sacrilege had hardened Joanna's +heart. She did not leave the room till the deposed dynasty of curtains +and pictures was restored, with poor father's certificate once more in +its place of honour. Then she marched out. + + + + +§7 + +The days till Christmas were full of strain. Joanna had won her victory, +but she did not find it a satisfying one. Ellen's position in the +Ansdore household was that of a sulky rebel--resentful, plaintive, a +nurse of hard memories--too close to be ignored, too hostile to be +trusted. + +The tyrant groaned under the heel of her victim. She was used to +quarrels, but this was her first experience of a prolonged estrangement. +It had been all very well to box Ellen's ears as a child, and have her +shins kicked in return, and then an hour or two later be nursing her on +her lap to the tune of "There was an Old Woman," or "Little Boy +Blue".... But this dragged out antagonism wore down her spirits into a +long sadness. It was the wrong start for that happy home she had +planned, in which Ellen, the little sister, was to absorb that +overflowing love which had once been Martin's, but which his memory +could not hold in all its power. + +It seemed as if she would be forced to acknowledge Ellen's education as +another of her failures. She had sent her to school to be made a lady +of, but the finished article was nearly as disappointing as the +cross-bred lambs of Socknersh's unlucky day. If Ellen had wanted to lie +abed of a morning, never to do a hand's turn of work, or had demanded a +table napkin at all her meals, Joanna would have humoured her and +bragged about her. But, on the contrary, her sister had learned habits +of early rising at school, and if left to herself would have been busy +all day with piano or pencil or needle of the finer sort. Also she found +more fault with the beauties of Ansdore's best parlour than the rigours +of its kitchen; there lay the sting--her revolt was not against the +toils and austerities of the farm's life but against its glories and +comelinesses. She despised Ansdore for its very splendours, just as she +despised her sister's best clothes more than her old ones. + +By Christmas Day things had righted themselves a little. Ellen was too +young to sulk more than a day or two, and she began to forget her +grievances in the excitement of the festival. There was the usual +communal midday dinner, with Arthur Alce back in his old place at +Joanna's right hand. Alce had behaved like a gentleman, and refused to +take back the silver tea set, his premature wedding gift. Then in the +evening, Joanna gave a party, at which young Vines and Southlands and +Furneses offered their sheepish admiration to her sister Ellen. Of +course everyone was agreed that Ellen Godden gave herself lamentable +airs, but she appealed to her neighbours' curiosity through her queer, +exotic ways, and the young men found her undeniably beautiful--she had a +thick, creamy skin, into which her childhood's roses sometimes came as a +dim flush, and the younger generation of the Three Marshes was inclined +to revolt from the standards of its fathers. + +So young Stacey Vine kissed her daringly under the mistletoe at the +passage bend, and was rewarded with a gasp of sweet scent, which made +him talk a lot at the Woolpack. While Tom Southland, a man of few words, +went home and closed with his father's offer of a partnership in his +farm, which hitherto he had thought of setting aside in favour of an +escape to Australia. Ellen was pleased at the time, but a night's +thought made her scornful. + +"Don't you know any really nice people?" she asked Joanna. "Why did you +send me to school with gentlemen's daughters if you just meant me to mix +with common people when I came out?" + +"You can mix with any gentlefolk you can find to mix with. I myself have +been engaged to marry a gentleman's son, and his father would have come +to my party if he hadn't been away for Christmas." + +She felt angry and sore with Ellen, but she was bound to admit that her +grievance had a certain justification. After all, she had always meant +her to be a lady, and now, she supposed, she was merely behaving like +one. She cast about her for means of introducing her sister into the +spheres she coveted ... if only Sir Harry Trevor would come home!--But +she gathered there was little prospect of that for some time. Then she +thought of Mr. Pratt, the rector.... It was the first time that she had +ever considered him as a social asset--his poverty, his inefficiency and +self-depreciation had quite outweighed his gentility in her ideas; he +had existed only as the Voice of the Church on Walland Marsh, and the +spasmodic respect she paid him was for his office alone. But now she +began to remember that he was an educated man and a gentleman, who might +supply the want in her sister's life without in any way encouraging +those more undesirable "notions" she had picked up at school. + +Accordingly, Mr. Pratt, hitherto neglected, was invited to Ansdore with +a frequency and enthusiasm that completely turned his head. He spoiled +the whole scheme by misinterpreting its motive, and after about the +ninth tea-party, became buoyed with insane and presumptuous hopes, and +proposed to Joanna. She was overwhelmed, and did not scruple to +overwhelm him, with anger and consternation. It was not that she did not +consider the rectory a fit match for Ansdore, even with only two hundred +a year attached to it, but she was furious that Mr. Pratt should think +it possible that she could fancy him as a man--"a little rabbity chap +like him, turned fifty, and scarce a hair on him. If he wants another +wife at his age he should get an old maid like Miss Godfrey or a hopeful +widder like Mrs. Woods--not a woman who's had real men to love her, and +ud never look at anything but a real, stout feller." + +However, she confided the proposal to Ellen, for she wanted her sister +to know that she had had an offer from a clergyman, and also that she +was still considered desirable--for once or twice Ellen had thrown out +troubling hints that she thought her sister middle-aged. Of course she +was turned thirty now, and hard weather and other hard things had made +her inclined to look older, by reddening and lining her face. But she +had splendid eyes, hair and teeth, and neither the grace nor the energy +of youth had left her body, which had coarsened into something rather +magnificent, tall and strong, plump without stoutness, clean-limbed +without angularity. + +She could certainly now have had her pick among the unmarried +farmers--which could not have been said when she first set up her +mastership at Ansdore. Since those times men had learned to tolerate her +swaggering ways, also her love affair with Martin had made her more +normal, more of a soft, accessible woman. Arthur Alce was no longer the +only suitor at Ansdore--it was well known that Sam Turner, who had +lately moved from inland to Northlade, was wanting to have her, and Hugh +Vennal would have been glad to bring her as his second wife to Beggar's +Bush. Joanna was proud of these attachments and saw to it that they +were not obscure--also, one or two of the men, particularly Vennal, she +liked for themselves, for their vitality and "set-upness"; but she shied +away from the prospect of marriage. Martin had shown her all that it +meant in the way of renunciation, and she felt that she could make its +sacrifices for no one less than Martin. Also, the frustration of her +hopes and the inadequacy of her memories had produced in her a queer +antipathy to marriage--a starting aside. Her single state began to have +for her a certain worth in itself, a respectable rigour like a pair of +stays. For a year or so after Martin's death, she had maintained her +solace of secret kisses, but in time she had come to withdraw even from +these, and by now the full force of her vitality was pouring itself into +her life at Ansdore, its ambitions and business, her love for Ellen, and +her own pride. + + + + +§8 + +Ellen secretly despised Joanna's suitors, just as she secretly despised +all Joanna's best and most splendid things. They were a dull lot, +driving her sister home on market-day, or sitting for hours in the +parlour with Arthur Alce's mother's silver tea-set. It was always "Good +evening, Miss Godden," "Good evening, Mr. Turner"--"Fine weather for +roots"--"A bit dry for the grazing." It was not thus that Ellen Godden +understood love. Besides, these men looked oafs, in spite of the fine +build of some of them--they were not so bad in their working clothes, +with their leggings and velveteen breeches, but in their Sunday best, +which they always wore on these occasions, they looked clumsy and +ridiculous, their broad black coats in the cut of yester-year and +smelling of camphor, their high-winged collars scraping and reddening +their necks ... in their presence Ellen was rather sidling and sweet, +but away from them in the riotous privacy of her new bedroom, she +laughed to herself and jeered. + +She had admirers of her own, but she soon grew tired of them--would have +grown tired sooner if Joanna had not clucked and shoo'd them away, thus +giving them the glamour of the forbidden thing. Joanna looked upon them +all as detrimentals, presumptuously lifting up their eyes to Ansdore's +wealth and Ellen's beauty. + +"When you fall in love, you can take a stout yeoman with a bit of money, +if you can't find a real gentleman same as I did. Howsumever, you're too +young to go meddling with such things just yet. You be a good girl, +Ellen Godden, and keep your back straight, and don't let the boys kiss +you." + +Ellen had no particular pleasure in letting the boys kiss her--she was a +cold-blooded little thing--but, she asked herself, what else was there +to do in a desert like Walland Marsh? The Marsh mocked her every morning +as she looked out of her window at the flat miles between Ansdore and +Dunge Ness. This was her home--this wilderness of straight dykes and +crooked roads, every mile of which was a repetition of the mile before +it. There was never any change in that landscape, except such as came +from the sky--cloud-shadows shaking like swift wings across the swamp of +buttercups and sunshine, mists lying in strange islands by the sewers, +rain turning all things grey, and the wind as it were made visible in a +queer flying look put on by the pastures when the storms came groaning +inland from Rye Bay ... with a great wail of wind and slash of rain and +a howl and shudder through all the house. + +She found those months of spring and summer very dreary. She disliked +the ways of Ansdore; she met no one but common and vulgar people, who +took it for granted that she was just one of themselves. Of course she +had lived through more or less the same experiences during her holidays, +but then the contact had not been so close or so prolonged, and there +had always been the prospect of school to sustain her. + +But now schooldays were over, and seemed very far away. Ellen felt cut +off from the life and interests of those happy years. She had hoped to +receive invitations to go and stay with the friends she had made at +school; but months went by and none came. Her school-friends were being +absorbed by a life very different from her own, and she was sensitive +enough to realize that parents who had not minded her associating with +their daughters while they were still at school, would not care for +their grown-up lives to be linked together. At first letters were +eagerly written and constantly received, but in time even this comfort +failed, as ways became still further divided, and Ellen found herself +faced with the alternative of complete isolation or such friendships as +she could make on the Marsh. + +She chose the latter. Though she would have preferred the humblest seat +in a drawing-room to the place of honour in a farm-house kitchen, she +found a certain pleasure in impressing the rude inhabitants of Brodnyx +and Pedlinge with her breeding and taste. She accepted invitations to +"drop in after church," or to take tea, and scratched up rather +uncertain friendships with the sisters of the boys who admired her. + +Joanna watched her rather anxiously. She tried to persuade herself that +Ellen was happy and no longer craved for the alien soil from which she +had been uprooted. But there was no denying her own disappointment. A +lady was not the wonderful being Joanna Godden had always imagined. +Ellen refused to sit in impressive idleness on the parlour sofa, not +because she disapproved of idleness, but because she disapproved of the +parlour and the sofa. She despised Joanna's admirers, those stout, +excellent men she was so proud of, who had asked her in marriage, "as no +one ull ever ask you, Ellen Godden, if you give yourself such airs." And +worst of all, she despised her sister ... her old Jo, on whose back she +had ridden, in whose arms she had slept.... Those three years of polite +education seemed to have wiped out all the fifteen years of happy, +homely childhood. Sometimes Joanna wished she had never sent her to a +grand school. All they had done there was to stuff her head with +nonsense. It would have been better, after all, if she had gone to the +National, and learned to say her Catechism instead of to despise her +home. + + + + +§9 + +One day early in October the Vines asked Ellen to go with them into Rye +and visit Lord John Sanger's menagerie. + +Joanna was delighted that her sister should go--a wild beast show was +the ideal of entertainment on the Three Marshes. + +"You can put on your best gown, Ellen--the blue one Miss Godfrey made +you. You've never been to Lord John Sanger's before, have you? I'd like +to go myself, but Wednesday's the day for Romney, and I just about can't +miss this market. I hear they're sending up some heifers from +Orgarswick, and there'll be sharp bidding.... I envy you going to a wild +beast show. I haven't been since Arthur Alce took me in '93. That was +the first time he asked me to marry him. I've never had the time to go +since, though Sanger's been twice since then, and they had Buffalo Bill +in Cadborough meadow.... I reckon you'll see some fine riding and some +funny clowns--and there'll be stalls where you can buy things, and maybe +a place where you can get a cup of tea. You go and enjoy yourself, +duckie." + +Ellen smiled a wan smile. + +On Monday night the news came to the Vines that their eldest son, Bill, +who was in an accountant's office at Maidstone, had died suddenly of +peritonitis. Of course Wednesday's jaunt was impossible, and Joanna +talked as if young Bill's untimely end had been an act of premeditated +spite. + +"If only he'd waited till Thursday--even Wednesday morning ud have done +... the telegram wouldn't have got to them till after they'd left the +house, and Ellen ud have had her treat." + +Ellen bore the deprivation remarkably well, but Joanna fumed and +champed. "I call it a shame," she said to Arthur Alce,--"an +unaccountable shame, spoiling the poor child's pleasure. It's seldom she +gets anything she likes, with all her refined notions, but here you +have, as you might say, amusement and instruction combined. If only I +hadn't got that tedious market ... but go I must; it's not a job I can +give to Broadhurst, bidding for them heifers--and I mean to have 'em. I +hear Furnese is after 'em, but he can't bid up to me." + +"Would you like me to take Ellen to the wild beast show?" said Arthur +Alce. + +"Oh, Arthur--that's middling kind of you, that's neighbourly. But aren't +you going into Romney yourself?" + +"I've nothing particular to go for. I don't want to buy. If I went it +ud only be to look at stock." + +"Well, I'd take it as a real kindness if you'd drive in Ellen to Rye on +Wednesday. The show's there only for the one day, and nobody else is +going up from these parts save the Cobbs, and I don't want Ellen to go +along with them 'cos of that Tom Cobb what's come back and up to no +good." + +"I'm only too pleased to do anything for you, Joanna, as you know well." + +"Yes, I know it well. You've been a hem good neighbour to me, Arthur." + +"A neighbour ain't so good as I'd like to be." + +"Oh, don't you git started on that again--I thought you'd done." + +"I'll never have done of that." + +Joanna looked vexed. Alce's wooing had grown stale, and no longer +gratified her. She could not help comparing his sandy-haired sedateness +with her memories of Martin's fire and youth--that dead sweetheart had +made it impossible for her to look at a man who was not eager and +virile; her admirers were now all, except for him, younger than herself. +She liked his friendship, his society, his ready and unselfish support, +but she could not bear to think of him as a suitor, and there was almost +disdain in her eyes. + +"I don't like to hear such talk from you," she said coldly. Then she +remembered the silver tea-set which he had never taken back, and the +offer he had made just now.... "Not but that you ain't a good friend to +me, Arthur--my best." + +A faint pink crept under his freckles and tan. + +"Well, I reckon that should ought to be enough for me--to hear you say +that." + +"I do say it. And now I'll go and tell Ellen you're taking her into Rye +for the show. She'll be a happy girl." + + + + +§10 + +Ellen was not quite so happy as her sister expected. Her sum of +spectacular bliss stood in Shakespearean plays which she had seen, and +in "Monsieur Beaucaire," which she had not. A wild beast show with its +inevitable accompaniment of dust and chokiness and noise would give her +no pleasure at all, and the slight interest which had lain in the escort +of the Vines with the amorous Stacey was now removed. She did not want +Arthur Alce's company. Her sister's admirer struck her as a dull dog. + +"I won't trouble him," she said. "I'm sure he doesn't really want to +go." + +"Reckon he does," said Joanna. "He wants to go anywhere that pleases +me." + +This did not help to reconcile Ellen. + +"Well, I don't want to be taken anywhere just to please you." + +"It pleases you too, don't it?" + +"No, it doesn't. I don't care twopence about fairs and shows, and Arthur +Alce bores me." + +This double blasphemy temporarily deprived Joanna of speech. + +"If he's only taking me to please you," continued Ellen, "he can just +leave me at home to please myself." + +"What nonsense!" cried her sister--"here have I been racking around for +hours just to fix a way of getting you to the show, and now you say you +don't care about it." + +"Well, I don't." + +"Then you should ought to. I never saw such airs as you give yourself. +Not care about Sanger's World Wide Show!--I tell you, you just about +shall go to it, ma'am, whether you care about it or not, and Arthur Alce +shall take you." + +Thus the treat was arranged, and on Wednesday afternoon Alce drove to +the door in his high, two-wheeled dog-cart, and Ellen climbed up beside +him, under the supervision of Mrs. Tolhurst, whom Joanna, before setting +out for market, had commissioned to "see as she went." Not that Joanna +could really bring herself to believe that Ellen was truthful in saying +she did not care about the show, but she thought it possible that sheer +contrariness might keep her away. + +Ellen was wearing her darkest, demurest clothes, in emphatic contrast to +the ribbons and laces in which Brodnyx and Pedlinge usually went to the +fair. Her hair was neatly coiled under her little, trim black hat, and +she wore dark suède gloves and buckled shoes. Alce felt afraid of her, +especially as during the drive she never opened her mouth except in +brief response to some remark of his. + +Ellen despised Arthur Alce--she did not like his looks, his +old-fashioned side-whiskers and Gladstone collars, or the amount of hair +and freckles that covered the exposed portions of his skin. She despised +him, too, for his devotion to Joanna; she did not understand how a man +could be inspired with a lifelong love for Joanna, who seemed to her +unattractive--coarse and bouncing. She also a little resented this +devotion, the way it was accepted as an established fact in the +neighbourhood, a standing sum to Joanna's credit. Of course she was fond +of her sister--she could not help it--but she would have forgiven her +more easily for her ruthless domineering, if she had not also had the +advantage in romance. An admirer who sighed hopelessly after you all +your life was still to Ellen the summit of desire. It was fortunate that +she could despise Alce so thoroughly in his person, or else she might +have found herself jealous of her sister. + +They arrived at Sanger's in good time for the afternoon performance, and +their seats were the best in the tent. Alce, ever mindful of Joanna, +bought Ellen an orange and a bag of bull's-eyes. During the performance +he was too much engrossed to notice her much--the elephants, the clowns, +the lovely ladies, were as fresh and wonderful to him as to any child +present, though as a busy farmer he had long ago discarded such +entertainments and would not have gone to-day if it had not been for +Ellen, or rather for her sister. When the interval came, however, he had +time to notice his companion, and it seemed to him that she drooped. + +"Are you feeling it hot in here?" + +"Yes--it's very close." + +He did not offer to take her out--it did not strike him that she could +want to leave. + +"You haven't sucked your orange--that'll freshen you a bit." + +Ellen looked at her orange. + +"Let me peel it for you," said Alce, noticing her gloved hands. + +"Thanks very much--but I can't eat it here; there's nowhere to put the +skin and pips." + +"What about the floor? Reckon they sweep out the sawdust after each +performance." + +"I'm sure I hope they do," said Ellen, whose next-door neighbour had +spat at intervals between his knees, "but really, I'd rather keep the +orange till I get home." + +At that moment the ring-master came in to start the second half of the +entertainment, and Alce turned away from Ellen. He was unconscious of +her till the band played "God Save the King," and there was a great +scraping of feet as the audience turned to go out. + +"We'll go and have a cup of tea," said Alce. + +He took her into the refreshment tent, and blundered as far as offering +her a twopenny ice-cream at the ice-cream stall. He was beginning to +realize that she took her pleasures differently from most girls he knew; +he felt disappointed and ill at ease with her--it would be dreadful if +she went home and told Joanna she had not enjoyed herself. + +"What would you like to do now?" he asked when they had emptied their +tea-cups and eaten their stale buns in the midst of a great steaming, +munching squash--"there's swings and stalls and a merry-go-round--and I +hear the Fat Lady's the biggest they've had yet in Rye; but maybe you +don't care for that sort of thing?" + +"No, I don't think I do, and I'm feeling rather tired. We ought to be +starting back before long." + +"Oh, not till you've seen all the sights. Joanna ud never forgive me if +I didn't show you the sights. We'll just stroll around, and then we'll +go to the George and have the trap put to." + +Ellen submitted--she was a born submitter, whose resentful and watchful +submission had come almost to the pitch of art. She accompanied Alce to +the swings, though she would not go up in them, and to the +merry-go-round, though she would not ride in it. + +"There's Ellen Godden out with her sister's young man," said a woman's +voice in the crowd. + +"Maybe he'll take the young girl now he can't get the old 'un," a man +answered her. + +"Oh, Arthur Alce ull never change from Joanna Godden." + +"But the sister's a dear liddle thing, better worth having to my mind." + +"Still, I'll never believe ..." + +The voices were lost in the crowd, and Ellen never knew who had spoken, +but for the first time that afternoon her boredom was relieved. It was +rather pleasant to have anyone think that Arthur Alce was turning to her +from Joanna ... it would be a triumph indeed if he actually did turn ... +for the first time she began to take an interest in him. + +The crowd was very thick, and Alce offered her his arm. + +"Hook on to me, or maybe I'll lose you." + +Ellen did as he told her, and after a time he felt her weight increase. + +"Reckon you're middling tired." + +He looked down on her with a sudden pity--her little hand was like a +kitten under his arm. + +"Yes, I am rather tired." It was no pretence--such an afternoon, without +the stimulant and sustenance of enjoyment, was exhausting indeed. + +"Then we'll go home--reckon we've seen everything." + +He piloted her out of the crush, and they went to the George, where the +trap was soon put to. Ellen sat drooping along the Straight Mile. + +"Lord, but you're hem tired," said Alce, looking down at her. + +"I've got a little headache--I had it when I started." + +"Then you shouldn't ought to have come." + +"Joanna said I was to." + +"You should have told her about your head." + +"I did--but she said I must come all the same. I said I was sure you +wouldn't mind, but she wouldn't let me off." + +"Joanna's valiant for getting her own way. Still, it was hard on you, +liddle girl, making you come--I shouldn't have taken offence." + +"I know you wouldn't. But Jo's so masterful. She always wants me to +enjoy myself in her way, and being strong, she doesn't understand people +who aren't." + +"That's so, I reckon. Still your sister's a fine woman, Ellen--the best +I've known." + +"I'm sure she is," snapped Ellen. + +"But she shouldn't ought to have made you come this afternoon, since you +were feeling poorly." + +"Don't let out I said anything to you about it, Arthur--it might make +her angry. Oh, don't make her angry with me." + + + + +§11 + +During the next few weeks it seemed to Joanna that her sister was a +little more alert. She went out more among the neighbours, and when +Joanna's friends came to see her, she no longer sulked remotely, but +came into the parlour, and was willing to play the piano and talk and be +entertaining. Indeed, once or twice when Joanna was busy she had sat +with Arthur Alce after tea and made herself most agreeable--so he said. + +The fact was that Ellen had a new interest in life. Those words sown +casually in her thoughts at the show were bearing remarkable fruit. She +had pondered them well, and weighed her chances, and come to the +conclusion that it would be a fine and not impossible thing to win +Arthur Alce from Joanna to herself. + +She did not see why she should not be able to do so. She was prettier +than her sister, younger, more accomplished, better educated. Alce on +his side must be tired of wooing without response. When he saw there was +a chance of Ellen, he would surely take it; and then--what a triumph! +How people would talk and marvel when they saw Joanna Godden's life-long +admirer turn from her to her little sister! They would be forced to +acknowledge Ellen as a superior and enchanting person. Of course there +was the disadvantage that she did not particularly want Arthur Alce, but +her schemings did not take her as far as matrimony. + +She was shrewd enough to see that the best way to capture Alce was to +make herself as unlike her sister as possible. With him she was like a +little soft cat, languid and sleek, or else delicately playful. She +appealed to his protecting strength, and in time made him realize that +she was unhappy in her home life and suffered under her sister's +tyranny. She had hoped that this might help detach him from Joanna, but +his affection was of that passive, tenacious kind which tacitly accepts +all the faults of the beloved. He was always ready to sympathize with +Ellen, and once or twice expostulated with Joanna--but his loyalty +showed no signs of wavering. + +As time went on, Ellen began to like him more in himself. She grew +accustomed to his red hair and freckles, and when he was in his everyday +kit of gaiters and breeches and broadcloth, she did not find him +unattractive. Moreover she could not fail to appreciate his fundamental +qualities of generosity and gentleness--he was like a big, faithful, +gentle dog, a red-haired collie, following and serving. + + + + +§12 + +The weeks went by, and Ellen still persevered. But she was disappointed +in results. She had thought that Alce's subjection would not take very +long, she had not expected the matter to drag. It was the fault of his +crass stupidity--he was unable to see what she was after, he looked upon +her just as a little girl, Joanna's little sister, and was good to her +for Joanna's sake. + +This was humiliating, and Ellen fretted and chafed at her inability to +make him see. She was no siren, and was without either the parts or the +experience for a definite attack on his senses. She worked as an amateur +and a schoolgirl, with only a certain fundamental shrewdness to guide +her; she was doubtless becoming closer friends with Alce--he liked to +sit and talk to her after tea, and often gave her lifts in his trap--but +he used their intimacy chiefly to confide in her his love and admiration +for her sister, which was not what Ellen wanted. + +The first person to see what was happening was Joanna herself. She had +been glad for some time of Ellen's increased friendliness with Alce, but +had pat it down to nothing more than the comradeship of that happy day +at Lord John Sanger's show. Then something in Ellen's looks as she spoke +to Arthur, in her manner as she spoke of him, made her suspicious--and +one Sunday evening, walking home from church, she became sure. The +service had been at Pedlinge, in the queer barn-like church whose walls +inside were painted crimson; and directly it was over Ellen had taken +charge of Alce, who was coming back to supper with them. Alce usually +went to his parish church at Old Romney, but had accepted Ellen's +invitation to accompany the Goddens that day, and now Ellen seemed +anxious that he should not walk with her and Joanna, but had taken him +on ahead, leaving Joanna to walk with the Southlands. + +The elder sister watched them--Alce a little oafish in his Sunday +blacks, Ellen wearing her new spring hat with the daisies. As she spoke +to him she lifted her face on her graceful neck like a swan, and her +voice was eager and rather secret. Joanna lost the thread of Mrs. +Southland's reminiscences of her last dairy-girl, and she watched Ellen, +watched her hands, watched the shrug of her shoulders under her +gown--the girl's whole body seemed to be moving, not restlessly or +jerkily, but with a queer soft ripple. + +Then Joanna suddenly said to herself--"She loves him. Ellen wants Arthur +Alce." Her first emotion was of anger, a resolve to stop this impudence; +but the next minute she pitied instead--Ellen, with her fragile beauty, +her little die-away airs, would never be able to get Arthur Alce from +Joanna, to whom he belonged. He was hers, both by choice and habit, and +Ellen would never get him. Then from pity, she passed into +tenderness--she was sorry Ellen could not get Arthur, could not have him +when she wanted him, while Joanna, who could have him, did not want him. +It would be a good thing for her, too. Alce was steady and +well-established--he was not like those mucky young Vines and +Southlands. Ellen would be safe to marry him. It was a pity she hadn't a +chance. + +Joanna looked almost sentimentally at the couple ahead--then she +suddenly made up her mind. "If I spoke to Arthur Alce, I believe I could +make him do it." She could make Arthur do most things, and she did not +see why he should stop at this. Of course she did not want Ellen to +marry him or anybody, but now she had once come to think of it she could +see plainly, in spite of herself, that marriage would be a good thing +for her sister. She was being forced up against the fact that her +schemes for Ellen had failed--school-life had spoiled her, home-life was +making both her and home miserable. The best thing she could do would be +to marry, but she must marry a good man and true--Alce was both good and +true, and moreover his marriage would set Joanna free from his hang-dog +devotion, of which she was beginning to grow heartily tired. She +appreciated his friendship and his usefulness, but they could both +survive, and she would at the same time be free of his sentimental +lapses, the constant danger of a declaration. Yes, Ellen should have +him--she would make a present of him to Ellen. + + + + +§13 + +"Arthur, I want a word with you." + +They were alone in the parlour, Ellen having been dispatched resentfully +on an errand to Great Ansdore. + +"About them wethers?" + +"No--it's a different thing. Arthur, have you noticed that Ellen's sweet +on you?" + +Joanna's approach to a subject was ever direct, but this time she seemed +to have taken the breath out of Arthur's body. + +"Ellen ... sweet on me?" he gasped. + +"Yes, you blind-eyed owl. I've seen it for a dunnamany weeks." + +"But--Ellen? That liddle girl ud never care an onion for a dull, dry +chap lik me." + +"Reckon she would. You ain't such a bad chap, Arthur, though I could +never bring myself to take you." + +"Well, I must say I haven't noticed anything, or maybe I'd have spoken +to you about it. I'm unaccountable sorry, Jo, and I'll do all I can to +help you stop it." + +"I'm not sure I want to stop it. I was thinking only to-day as it +wouldn't be a bad plan if you married Ellen." + +"But, Jo, I don't want to marry anybody but you." + +"Reckon that's middling stupid of you, for I'll never marry you, Arthur +Alce--_never_!" + +"Then I don't want nobody." + +"Oh, yes, you do. You'll be a fool if you don't marry and get a wife to +look after you and your house, which has wanted new window-blinds this +eighteen month. You can't have me, so you may as well have Ellen--she's +next best to me, I reckon, and she's middling sweet on you." + +"Ellen's a dear liddle thing, as I've always said against them that said +otherwise--but I've never thought of marrying her, and reckon she don't +want to marry me, she'd sooner marry a stout young Southland or young +Vine." + +"She ain't going to marry any young Vine. When she marries I'll see she +marries a steady, faithful, solid chap, and you're the best I know." + +"It's kind of you to say it, but reckon it wouldn't be a good thing for +me to marry one sister when I love the other." + +"But you'll never get the other, not till the moon's cheese, so there's +no sense in vrothering about that. And I want Ellen to marry you, +Arthur, since she's after you. I never meant her to marry yet awhiles, +but reckon I can't make her happy at home--I've tried and I can't--so +you may as well try." + +"It ud be difficult to make Ellen happy--she's a queer liddle dentical +thing." + +"I know, but marriage is a wonderful soberer-down. She'll be happy once +she gets a man and a house of her own." + +"I'm not so sure. Anyways I'm not the man for her. She should ought to +marry a gentleman." + +"Well, there ain't none for her to marry, nor likely to be none. She'll +go sour if she has to stand ... and she wants you, Arthur. I wouldn't be +asking you this if I hadn't seen she wanted you, and seen too as the +best thing as could happen to her would be for her to marry you." + +"I'm sure she'll never take me." + +"You can but ask her." + +"She'll say 'No.'" + +"Reckon she won't--but if she does, there'll be no harm in asking her." + +"You queer me, Jo--it seems a foolish thing to marry Ellen when I want +to marry you." + +"But I tell you, you can never marry me. You're a stupid man, Arthur, +who won't see things as they are. You go hankering after whom you can't +get, and all the time you might get someone who's hankering after you. +It's a lamentable waste, I say, and I'll never be pleased if you don't +ask Ellen. It ain't often I ask you to do anything to please me, and +this is no hard thing. Ellen's a fine match--a pretty girl, and clever, +and well-taught--she'll play the piano to your friends. And I'll see as +she has a bit of money with her. You'll do well for yourself by taking +her, and I tell you, Arthur, I'm sick and tired of your dangling after +me." + + + + +§14 + +Joanna had many more conversations with Arthur Alce, and in the end bore +down his objections. She used her tongue to such good purpose that by +next Sunday he had come to see that Ellen wanted him, and that for him +to marry her would be the best thing for everyone--Joanna, Ellen and +himself. After all, it wasn't as if he had the slightest chance of +Joanna--she had made that abundantly clear, and his devotion did not +feed on hope so much as on a stale content in being famous throughout +three marshes as her rejected suitor. Perhaps it was not amiss that her +sudden call should stir him into a more active and vital service. + +In the simplicity of his heart, he saw nothing outrageous in her +demands. She was troubled and anxious about Ellen, and had a right to +expect him to help her solve this problem in the best way that had +occurred to her. As for Ellen herself, now his attention had been called +to the matter, he could see that she admired him and sought him out. Why +she should do so was as much a mystery as ever--he could not think why +so soft and dainty and beautiful a creature should want to marry a +homely chap like himself. But he did not doubt the facts, and when, at +the beginning of the second week, he proposed to her, he was much less +surprised at her acceptance than she was herself. + +Ellen had never meant to accept him--all she had wanted had been the +mere proclaimable fact of his surrender; but during the last weeks the +focus of her plans had shifted--they had come to mean more than the +gratification of her vanity. The denial of what she sought, the dragging +of her schemes, the growing sense of hopelessness, had made her see just +exactly how much she wanted. She would really like to marry Alce--the +slight physical antipathy with which she had started had now +disappeared, and she felt that she would not object to him as a lover. +He was, moreover, an excellent match--better than any young Vines or +Southlands or Furneses; as his wife she would be important and +well-to-do, her triumph would be sealed, open and celebrated.... She +would moreover be free. That was the strong hidden growth that had +heaved up her flat little plans of a mere victory in tattle--if she +married she would be her own mistress, free for ever of Joanna's +tyranny. She could do what she liked with Alce--she would be able to go +where she liked, know whom she liked, wear what she liked; whereas with +Joanna all these things were ruthlessly decreed. Of course she was fond +of Jo, but she was tired of living with her--you couldn't call your soul +your own--she would never be happy till she had made herself independent +of Jo, and only marriage would do that. She was tired of sulking and +submitting--she could make a better life for herself over at Donkey +Street than she could at Ansdore. Of course if she waited she might get +somebody better, but she might have to wait a long time, and she did not +care for waiting. She was not old or patient or calculating enough to be +a really successful schemer; her plans carried her this time only as far +as a triumph over Joanna and an escape from Ansdore. + + + + +§15 + +Certainly her triumph was a great one. Brodnyx and Pedlinge had never +expected such a thing. Their attitude had hitherto been that of the man +at the fair, who would rather distrust appearances than believe Arthur +Alce could change from Joanna Godden to her sister Ellen. It would have +been as easy to think of the sunset changing from Rye to +Court-at-Street. + +There was a general opinion that Joanna had been injured--though no one +really doubted her sincerity when she said that she would never have +taken Arthur. Her evident pleasure in the wedding was considered +magnanimous--it was also a little disappointing to Ellen. Not that she +wanted Joanna to be miserable, but she would have liked her to be rather +more sensible of her sister's triumph, to regret rather more the honour +that had been taken from her. The bear's hug with which her sister had +greeted her announcement, the eager way in which she had urged and +hustled preparations for the wedding, all seemed a little incongruous +and humiliating.... Joanna should at least have had some moments of +realizing her fallen state. + +However, what she missed at home Ellen received abroad. Some neighbours +were evidently offended, especially those who had sons to mate. Mrs. +Vine had been very stiff when Ellen called with Alce. + +"Well, Arthur"--ignoring the bride-to-be--"I always felt certain you +would marry Ansdore, but it was the head I thought you'd take and not +the tail." + +"Oh, the tail's good enough for me," said Arthur, which Ellen thought +clumsy of him. + +Having taken the step, Arthur was curiously satisfied. His obedience in +renouncing Joanna seemed to have brought him closer to her than all his +long wooing. Besides, he was growing very fond of little Ellen--her +soft, clinging ways and little sleek airs appealed to him as those of a +small following animal would, and he was proud of her cleverness, and of +her prettiness, which now he had come to see, though for a long time he +had not appreciated it, because it was so different from Joanna's +healthy red and brown. + +He took her round the farms, not only in her own neighbourhood, but +those near Donkey Street, over on Romney Marsh, across the Rhee Wall. In +her honour he bought a new trap, and Ellen drove beside him in it, +sitting very demure and straight. People said--"There goes Ellen +Godden, who's marrying her sister's young man," and sometimes Ellen +heard them. + +She inspected Donkey Street, which was a low, plain, oblong house, +covered with grey stucco, against which flamed the orange of its +lichened roof. It had been built in Queen Anne's time, and enlarged and +stuccoed over about fifty years ago. It was a good, solid house, less +rambling than Ansdore, but the kitchens were a little damp. + +Alce bought new linen and new furniture. He had some nice pieces of old +furniture too, which Ellen was very proud of. She felt she could make +quite a pleasant country house of Donkey Street. In spite of Joanna's +protests, Alce let her have her own way about styles and colours, and +her parlour was quite unlike anything ever seen on the Marsh outside +North Farthing and Dungemarsh Court. There was no centre table and no +cabinet, but a deep, comfortable sofa, which Ellen called a +chesterfield, and a "cosy corner," and a Sheraton bureau, and a Sheraton +china-cupboard with glass doors. The carpet was purple, without any +pattern on it, and the cushions were purple and black. For several days +those black cushions were the talk of the Woolpack bar and every farm. +It reminded Joanna a little of the frenzy that had greeted the first +appearance of her yellow waggons, and for the first time she felt a +little jealous of Ellen. + +She sometimes, too, had moments of depression at the thought of losing +her sister, of being once more alone at Ansdore, but having made up her +mind that Ellen was to marry Arthur Alce, she was anxious to carry +through the scheme as quickly and magnificently as possible. The wedding +was fixed for May, and was to be the most wonderful wedding in the +experience of the three marshes of Walland, Dunge and Romney. For a +month Joanna's trap spanked daily along the Straight Mile, taking her +and Ellen either into Rye to the confectioner's--for Joanna had too true +a local instinct to do as her sister wanted and order the cake from +London--or to the station for Folkestone where the clothes for both +sisters were being bought. They had many a squabble over the +clothes--Ellen pleaded passionately for the soft, silken undergarments +in the shop windows, for the little lace-trimmed drawers and chemises +... it was cruel and bigoted of Joanna to buy yards and yards of calico +for nightgowns and "petticoat bodies," with trimmings of untearable +embroidery. It was also painful to be obliged to wear a saxe-blue +going-away dress when she wanted an olive green, but Ellen reflected +that she was submitting for the last time, and anyhow she was spared the +worst by the fact that the wedding-gown must be white--not much scope +for Joanna there. + + + + +§16 + +The day before the wedding Joanna felt unusually nervous and restless. +The preparations had been carried through so vigorously that everything +was ready--there was nothing to do, no finishing touches, and into her +mind came a sudden blank and alarm. All that evening she was unable to +settle down either to work or rest. Ellen had gone to bed early, +convinced of the good effect of sleep on her complexion, and Joanna +prowled unhappily from room to room, glancing about mechanically for +dust which she knew could not be there ... the farm was just a +collection of gleaming surfaces and crackling chintzes and gay, dashing +colours. Everything was as she wished it, yet did not please her. + +She went into her room. On the little spare bed which had once been +Ellen's lay a mass of tissue paper, veiling a marvellous gown of brown +and orange shot silk, the colour of the sunburn on her cheeks, which she +was to wear to-morrow when she gave the bride away. In vain had Ellen +protested and said it would look ridiculous if she came down the aisle +with her sister--Joanna had insisted on her prerogative. "It isn't as if +we had any he-cousins fit to look at--I'll cut a better figger than +either Tom or Pete Stansbury, and what right has either of them to give +you away, I'd like to know?" Ellen had miserably suggested Sam Huxtable, +but Joanna had fixed herself in her mind's eye, swaggering, rustling and +flaming up Pedlinge aisle, with the little drooping lily of the bride +upon her arm. "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?" Mr. +Pratt would say--"I do," Joanna would answer. Everyone would stare at +Joanna, and remember that Arthur Alce had loved her for years before he +loved her sister--she was certainly "giving" Ellen to him in a double +sense. + +She would be just as grand and important at this wedding as she could +possibly have been at her own, yet to-night the prospect had ceased to +thrill her. Was it because in this her first idleness she realized she +was giving away something she wanted to keep? Or because she saw that, +after all, being grand and important at another person's wedding is not +as good a thing even as being humble at your own? + +"Well, it might have been my own if I'd liked," she said to herself, but +even that consideration failed to cheer her. + +She went over to the chest of drawers. On it stood Martin's photograph +in a black velvet frame adorned with a small metal shield on which were +engraved the words "Not lost but gone before." The photograph was a +little faded--Martin's eyes had lost some of their appealing darkness +and the curves of the mouth she had loved were dim.... She put her face +close to the faded face in the photograph, and looked at it. Gradually +it blurred in a mist of tears, and she could feel her heart beating very +slowly, as if each beat were an effort.... + +Then suddenly she found herself thinking about Ellen in a new way, with +a new, strange anxiety. Martin's fading face seemed to have taught her +about Ellen, about some preparation for the wedding which might have +been left out, in spite of all the care and order of the burnished +house. Did she really love Arthur Alce?--Did she really know what she +was doing--what love meant? + +Joanna put down the photograph and straightened her back. She thought of +her sister alone for the last time in her big flowery bedroom, lying +down for the last time in the rose-curtained, mahogany bed, for her last +night's rest under Ansdore's roof. It was the night on which, if she had +not been motherless, her mother would have gone to her with love and +advice. Surely on this night of all nights it was not for Joanna to +shirk the mother's part. + +Her heaviness had gone, for its secret cause had been displayed--no +doubt this anxiety and this question had lurked with her all the +evening, following her from room to room. She did not hesitate, but went +down the passage to Ellen's door, which she opened as usual without +knocking. + +"Not in bed, yet, duckie?" + +Ellen was sitting on the bolster, in her little old plain linen +nightdress buttoning to her neck, two long plaits hanging over her +shoulders. The light of the rose-shaded lamp streamed on the flowery +walls and floor of her compulsory bower, showing the curtains and +pictures and vases and father's Buffalo certificate--showing also her +packed and corded trunks, lying there like big, blobbed seals on her +articles of emancipation. + +"Hullo," she said to Joanna, "I'm just going to get in." She did not +seem particularly pleased to see her. + +"You pop under the clothes, and I'll tuck you up. There's something I +want to speak to you about if you ain't too sleepy." + +"About what?" + +"About this wedding of yours." + +"You've spoken to me about nothing else for weeks and months." + +"But I want to speak to you different and most particular. Duckie, are +you quite sure you love Arthur Alce?" + +"Of course I'm sure, or I shouldn't be marrying him." + +"There's an unaccountable lot of reasons why any gal ud snap at Arthur. +He's got a good name and a good establishment, and he's as mild-mannered +and obliging as a cow." + +Ellen looked disconcerted at hearing her bridegroom thus defined. + +"If that's all I saw in him I shouldn't have said 'yes.' I like +him--he's got a kind heart and good manners, and he won't interfere with +me--he'll let me do as I please." + +"But that ain't enough--it ain't enough for you just to like him. Do you +love him?--It's struck me all of a sudden, Ellen, I've never made sure +of that, and it ud be a lamentable job if you was to get married to +Arthur without loving him." + +"But I do love him--I've told you. And may I ask, Jo, what you'd have +done if I'd said I didn't? It's rather late for breaking off the match." + +Joanna had never contemplated such a thing. It would be difficult to say +exactly how far her plans had stretched, probably no further than the +argument and moral suasion which would forcibly compel Ellen to love if +she did not love already. + +"No, no--I'd never have you break it off--with the carriages and the +breakfast ordered, and my new gownd, and your troosoo and all.... But, +Ellen, if you _want_ to change your mind ... I mean, if you feel, +thinking honest, that you don't love Arthur ... for pity's sake say so +now before it's too late. I'll stand by you--I'll face the racket--I'd +sooner you did anything than--" + +"Oh, don't be an ass, Jo. Of course I don't want to change my mind. I +know what I'm doing, and I'm very fond of Arthur--I love him, if you +want the word. I like being with him, and I even like it when he kisses +me. So you needn't worry." + +"Marriage is more than just being kissed and having a man about the +house." + +"I know it is." + +Something in the way she said it made Joanna see she was abysmally +ignorant. + +"Is there anything you'd like to ask me, dearie?" + +"Nothing you could possibly know anything about." + +Joanna turned on her. + +"I'll learn you to sass me. You dare say such a thing!" + +"Well, Jo--you're not married, and there _are_ some things you don't +know." + +"That's right--call me an old maid! I tell you I could have made a +better marriage than you, my girl.... I could have made the very +marriage you're making, for the matter of that." + +She stood up, preparing to go in anger. Then suddenly as she looked down +on Ellen, fragile and lily-white among the bed-clothes, her heart smote +her and she relented. This was Ellen's last night at home. + +"Don't let's grumble at each other. I know you and I haven't quite hit +it off, my dear, and I'm sorry, as I counted a lot on us being at +Ansdore together. I thought maybe we'd be at Ansdore together all our +lives. Howsumever, I reckon things are better as they are--it was my own +fault, trying to make a lady of you, and I'm glad it's all well ended. +Only see as it's truly well ended, dear--for Arthur's sake as well as +yours. He's a good chap and deserves the best of you." + +Ellen was still angry, but something about Joanna as she stooped over +the bed, her features obscure in the lamplight, her shadow dim and +monstrous on the ceiling, made a sudden, almost reproachful appeal. A +rush of genuine feeling made her stretch out her arms. + +"Jo ..." + +Joanna stooped and caught her to her heart, and for a moment, the last +moment, the big and the little sister were as in times of old. + + + + +§17 + +Ellen's wedding was the most wonderful that Brodnyx and Pedlinge had +seen for years. It was a pity that the law of the land required it to +take place in Pedlinge church, which was comparatively small and mean, +and which indeed Joanna could never feel was so Established as the +church at Brodnyx, because it had only the old harmonium, and queer +paintings of angels instead of the Lion and the Unicorn. + +However, Mr. Elphick ground and sweated wonders out of "the old +harmonister" as it was affectionately called by the two parishes, and +everyone was too busy staring at the bride and the bride's sister to +notice whether angels or King George the Third presided over the altar. + +Joanna had all the success that she had longed for and expected. She +walked down the aisle with Ellen white and drooping on her arm, like a +sunflower escorting a lily. When Mr. Pratt said "Who giveth this woman +to be married to this man?" she answered "I do" in a voice that rang +through the church. Afterwards, she took her handkerchief out of her +pocket and cried a little, as is seemly at weddings. + +Turner of Northlade was Arthur Alce's best man, and there were four +bridesmaids dressed in pink--Maudie Vine, Gertrude Prickett, Maggie +Southland and Ivy Cobb. They carried bouquets of roses with lots of +spiræa, and wore golden hearts "the gift of the bridegroom." Altogether +the brilliance of the company made up for the deficiencies of its +barn-like setting and the ineffectiveness of Mr. Pratt, who, discomposed +by the enveloping presence of Joanna, blundered more helplessly than +ever, so that, as Joanna said afterwards, she was glad when it was all +finished without anyone getting married besides the bride and +bridegroom. + +After the ceremony there was a breakfast at Ansdore, with a wedding-cake +and ices and champagne, and waiters hired from the George Hotel at Rye. +Ellen stood at the end of the room shaking hands with a long procession +of Pricketts, Vines, Furneses, Southlands, Bateses, Turners, Cobbs.... +She looked a little tired and droopy, for she had had a trying day, with +Joanna fussing and fighting her ever since six in the morning; and now +she felt resentfully that her sister had snatched the splendours of the +occasion from her to herself--it did not seem right that Joanna should +be the most glowing, conspicuous, triumphant object in the room, and +Ellen, unable to protest, sulked languishingly. + +However, if the bride did not seem as proud and happy as she might, the +bridegroom made up for it. There was something almost spiritual in the +look of Arthur Alce's eyes, as he stood beside Ellen, his arm held +stiffly for the repose of hers, his great choker collar scraping his +chin, lilies of the valley and camellias sprouting from his buttonhole, +a pair of lemon kid gloves--split at the first attempt, so he could only +hold them--clutched in his moist hand. He looked devout, exalted, as he +armed his little bride and watched her sister. + +"Arthur Alce looks pleased enough," said Furnese to Mrs. Bates--"reckon +he sees he's got the best of the family." + +"Maybe he's thankful now that Joanna wouldn't take him." + +Neither of them noticed that the glow was in Alce's eyes chiefly when +they rested on Joanna. + +He knew that to-day he had pleased her better than he had ever pleased +her in his life. To-day she had said to him "God bless you, +Arthur--you're the best friend I have, or am like to have, neither." +To-day he had made himself her kinsman, with a dozen new opportunities +of service. Chief among these was the dear little girl on his arm--how +pretty and sweet she was! How he would love her and cherish her as he +had promised Mr. Pratt! Well, thank God, he had done Joanna one good +turn, and himself not such a bad one, neither. How clever she had been +to think of his marrying Ellen! He would never have thought of it +himself; yet now he saw clearly that it was a wonderful notion--nothing +could be better. Joanna was valiant for notions.... Alce had had one +glass of champagne. + +At about four o'clock, Joanna dashed into the circle round the bride, +and took Ellen away upstairs, to put on her travelling dress of +saxe-blue satin--the last humiliation she would have to endure from +Ansdore. The honeymoon was being spent at Canterbury, cautiously chosen +by Arthur as a place he'd been to once and so knew the lie of a bit. +Ellen had wanted to go to Wales, or to the Lakes, but Joanna had sternly +forbidden such outrageous pinings--"Arthur's got two cows calving next +week--what are you thinking of, Ellen Godden?" + +The bridal couple drove away amidst much hilarity, inspired by the +unaccustomed champagne and expressed in rice and confetti. After they +had gone the guests still lingered, feasting at the littered tables or +re-inspecting and re-valuing the presents which had been laid out, after +the best style, in the dining-room. Sir Harry Trevor had sent Ellen a +little pearl pendant, though he had been unable to accept Joanna's +invitation and come to the wedding himself--he wrote from a London +address and hinted vaguely that he might never come back to North +Farthing House, which had been let furnished. His gift was the chief +centre of interest--when Mrs. Vine had done comparing her electro-plated +cruet most favourably with the one presented by Mrs. Furnese and the +ignoble china object that Mrs. Cobb had had the meanness to send, and +Mrs. Bates had recovered from the shock of finding that her tea-cosy was +the exact same shape and pattern as the one given by Mrs. Gain. People +thought it odd that the Old Squire should send pearls to Ellen +Godden--something for the table would have been much more seemly. + +Joanna had grown weary--her shoulders drooped under her golden gown, she +tossed back her head and yawned against the back of her hand. She was +tired of it all, and wanted them to go. What were they staying for? They +must know the price of everything pretty well by this time and have +eaten enough to save their suppers. She was no polished hostess, +concealing her boredom, and the company began soon to melt away. Traps +lurched over the shingle of Ansdore's drive, the Pricketts walked off +across the innings to Great Ansdore, guests from Rye packed into two +hired wagonettes, and the cousins from the Isle of Wight drove back to +the George, where, as there were eight of them and they refused to be +separated, Joanna was munificently entertaining them instead of under +her own roof. + +When the last was gone, she turned back into the house, where Mrs. +Tolhurst stood ready with her broom to begin an immediate sweep-up after +the waiters, whom she looked upon as the chief source of the disorder. A +queer feeling came over Joanna, a feeling of loneliness, of craving, and +she fell in all her glory of feathers and silk upon Mrs. Tolhurst's +alpaca bosom. Gone were those arbitrary and often doubtful distinctions +between them, and the mistress enjoyed the luxury of a good cry in her +servant's arms. + + + + +§18 + +Ellen's marriage broke into Joanna's life quite as devastatingly as +Martin's death. Though for more than three years her sister had been +away at school, with an ever-widening gulf of temperament between +herself and the farm, and though since her return she had been little +better at times than a rebellious and sulky stranger, nevertheless she +was a part of Ansdore, a part of Joanna's life there, and the elder +sister found it difficult to adjust things to her absence. + +Of course Ellen had not gone very far--Donkey Street was not five miles +from Ansdore, though in a different parish and a different county. But +the chasm between them was enormous--it was queer to think that a mere +change of roof-tree could make such a difference. No doubt the reason +was that with Ellen it had involved an entire change of habit. While she +lived with Joanna she had been bound both by the peculiarities of her +sister's nature and her own to accept her way of living. She had +submitted, not because she was weak or gentle-minded but because +submission was an effective weapon of her welfare; now, having no +further use for it, she ruled instead and was another person. She was, +besides, a married woman, and the fact made all the difference to Ellen +herself. She felt herself immeasurably older and wiser than Joanna, her +teacher and tyrant. Her sister's life seemed to her puerile.... Ellen +had at last read the riddle of the universe and the secret of wisdom. + +The sisters' relations were also a little strained over Arthur Alce. +Joanna resented the authority that Ellen assumed--it took some time to +show her that Arthur was no longer hers. She objected when Ellen made +him shave off his moustache and whiskers; he looked ten years younger +and a far handsomer man, but he was no longer the traditional Arthur +Alce of Joanna's history, and she resented it. Ellen on her part +resented the way Joanna still made use of him, sending him to run +errands and make inquiries for her just as she used in the old days +before his marriage. "Arthur, I hear there's some good pigs going at +Honeychild auction--I can't miss market at Lydd, but you might call +round and have a look for me." Or "Arthur, I've a looker's boy coming +from Abbot's Court--you might go there for his characters, I haven't +time, with the butter-making to-day and Mene Tekel such an owl." + +Ellen rebelled at seeing her husband ordered about, and more than once +"told off" her sister, but Joanna had no intention of abandoning her +just claims in Arthur, and the man himself was pig-headed--"I mun do +what I can for her, just as I used." Ellen could make him shave off his +whiskers, she could even make him on occasion young and fond and +frolicsome, but she could not make him stop serving Joanna, or, had she +only known it, stop loving her. Arthur was perfectly happy as Ellen's +husband, and made her, as Joanna had foretold, an exemplary one, but +his love for Joanna seemed to grow rather than diminish as he cared for +and worked for and protected her sister. It seemed to feed and thrive on +his love for Ellen--it gave him a wonderful sense of action and +effectiveness, and people said what a lot of good marriage had done for +Arthur Alce, and that he was no longer the dull chap he used to be. + + + + +§19 + +It had done Ellen a lot of good too. During the next year she blossomed +and expanded. She lost some of her white looks. The state of marriage +suited her thoroughly well. Being her own mistress and at the same time +having a man to take care of her, having an important and comfortable +house of her own, ordering about her own servants and spending her +husband's money, such things made her life pleasant, and checked the +growth of peevishness that had budded at Ansdore. + +During the first months of her marriage, Joanna went fairly often to see +her, one reason being the ache which Ellen's absence had left in her +heart--she wanted to see her sister, sit with her, hear her news. +Another reason was the feeling that Ellen, a beginner in the ways of +life and household management, still needed her help and guidance. Ellen +soon undeceived her on this point. "I really know how to manage my own +house, Joanna," she said once or twice when the other commented and +advised, and Joanna had been unable to enforce her ideas, owing to the +fact that she seldom saw Ellen above once or twice a week. Her sister +could do what she liked in her absence, and it was extraordinary how +definite and cocksure the girl was about things she should have +approached in the spirit of meekness and dependence on her elders. + +"I count my linen after it is aired--it comes in at such an inconvenient +time that I can't attend to it then. The girls can easily hang it out on +the horse--really, Joanna, one must trust people to do something." + +"Well, then, don't blame me when you're a pillowcase short." + +"I certainly shan't blame you," said Ellen coolly. + +Joanna felt put out and injured. It hurt her to see that Ellen did not +want her supervision--she had looked forward to managing Donkey Street +as well as Ansdore. She tried to get a hold on Ellen through Arthur +Alce. + +"Arthur, it's your duty to see Ellen don't leave the bread-making to +that cook-gal of hers. I never heard of such a notion--her laying on the +sofa while the gal wastes coal and flour." ... "Arthur, Ellen needs a +new churn--let her get a Wallis. It's a shame for her to be buying new +cushions when her churn's an old butter-spoiler I wouldn't use if I was +dead--Arthur, you're there with her, and you can make her do what I +say." + +But Arthur could not, any more than Joanna, make Ellen do what she did +not want. He had always been a mild-mannered man, and he found Ellen, in +her different way, quite as difficult to stand up to as her sister. + +"I'm not going to have Jo meddling with my affairs," she would say with +a toss of her head. + + + + +§20 + +Another thing that worried Joanna was the fact that the passing year +brought no expectations to Donkey Street. One of her happiest +anticipations in connexion with Ellen's marriage was her having a dear +little baby whom Joanna could hug and spoil and teach. Perhaps it would +be a little girl, and she would feel like having Ellen over again. + +She was bitterly disappointed when Ellen showed no signs of obliging her +quickly, and indeed quite shocked by her sister's expressed indifference +on the matter. + +"I don't care about children, Jo, and I'm over young to have one of my +own." + +"Young! You're rising twenty, and mother was but eighteen when I was +born." + +"Well, anyhow, I don't see why I should have a child just because you +want one." + +"I don't want one. For shame to say such things, Ellen Alce." + +"You want me to have one, then, for your benefit." + +"Don't you want one yourself?" + +"No--not now. I've told you I don't care for children." + +"Then you should ought to! Dear little mites! It's a shame to talk like +that. Oh, what wouldn't I give, Ellen, to have a child of yours in my +arms." + +"Why don't you marry and have one of your own?" + +Joanna coloured. + +"I don't want to marry." + +"But you ought to marry if that's how you feel. Why don't you take a +decent fellow like, say, Sam Turner, even if you don't love him, just so +that you may have a child of your own? You're getting on, you know, +Joanna--nearly thirty-four--you haven't much time to waste." + +"Well it ain't my fault," said Joanna tearfully, "that I couldn't marry +the man I wanted to. I'd have been married more'n five year now if he +hadn't been took. And it's sorter spoiled the taste for me, as you might +say. I don't feel inclined to get married--it don't take my fancy, and I +don't see how I'm ever going to bring myself to do it. That's why it ud +be so fine for me if you had a little one, Ellen--as I could hold and +kiss and care for and feel just as if it was my own." + +"Thanks," said Ellen. + + + + +§21 + +The winding up of her plans for her sister made it necessary that Joanna +should cast about for fresh schemes to absorb her energies. The farm +came to her rescue in this fresh, more subtle collapse, and she turned +to it as vigorously as she had turned after Martin's death, and with an +increase of that vague feeling of bitterness which had salted her +relations with it ever since. + +A strong rumour was blowing on the Marsh that shortly Great Ansdore +would come into the market. Joanna's schemes at once were given their +focus. She would buy Great Ansdore if she had the chance. She had always +resented its presence, so inaptly named, on the fringe of Little +Ansdore's greatness. If she bought it, she would be adding more than +fifty acres to her own, but it was good land--Prickett was a fool not +to have made more of it--and the possession carried with it manorial +rights, including the presentation of the living of Brodnyx with +Pedlinge. When Joanna owned Great Ansdore in addition to her own +thriving and established patrimony, she would be a big personage on the +Three Marshes, almost "county." No tenant or yeoman from Dymchurch to +Winchelsea, from Romney to the coast, would dare withhold his +respect--she might even at last be admitted a member of the Farmers' +Club.... + +It was characteristic of her that, with this purchase in view, she made +no efforts to save money. She set out to make it instead, and her +money-making was all of the developing, adventurous kind--she ploughed +more grass, and decided to keep three times the number of cows and open +a milk-round. + +As a general practice only a few cows were kept on the Marsh farms, for, +owing to the shallowness of the dykes, it was difficult to prevent their +straying. However, Joanna boldly decided to fence all the Further +Innings. She could spare that amount of grazing, and though she would +have to keep down the numbers of her sheep till after she had bought +Great Ansdore, she expected to make more money out of the milk and dairy +produce--she might even in time open a dairy business in Rye. This would +involve the engaging of an extra girl for the dairy and chickens, and an +extra man to help Broadhurst with the cows, but Joanna was undaunted. +She enjoyed a gamble, when it was not merely a question of luck, but +also in part a matter of resource and planning and hard driving pace. + +"There's Joanna Godden saving her tin to buy Great Ansdore," said Bates +of Picknye Bush to Cobb of Slinches, as they watched her choosing her +shorthorns at Romney. She had Arthur Alce beside her, and he was, as in +the beginning, trying to persuade her to be a little smaller in her +ideas, but, as in the beginning, she would not listen. + +"Setting up cow-keeping now, is she?--Will she make as much a valiant +wonder of that as she did with her sheep? Ha! ha!" + +"Ha! ha!" The two men laughed and winked and rubbed their noses, for +they liked to remember the doleful tale of Joanna's first adventure at +Ansdore; it made them able to survey more equably her steady rise in +glory ever since. + +It was obvious to Walland Marsh that, on the whole, her big ideas had +succeeded where the smaller, more cautious ones of her neighbours had +failed. Of course she had been lucky--luckier than she deserved--but she +was beginning to make men wonder if after all there wasn't policy in +paying a big price for a good thing, rather than in obeying the rules of +haggle which maintained on other farms. Ansdore certainly spent half as +much again as Birdskitchen or Beggar's Bush or Misleham or Yokes Court, +but then it had nearly twice as much to show for it. Joanna was not the +woman who would fail to keep pace with her own prosperity--her swelling +credit was not recorded merely in her pass-book; it was visible, indeed +dazzling, to every eye. + +She had bought a new trap and mare--a very smart turn-out, with rubber +tires and chocolate-coloured upholstery, while the mare herself had +blood in her, and a bit of the devil too, and upset the sleepy, +chumbling rows of farmers' horses waiting for their owners in the +streets of Lydd or Rye. Old Stuppeny had died in the winter following +Ellen's marriage, and had been lavishly buried, with a tombstone, and an +obituary notice in the _Rye Observer_, at Joanna's expense. In his place +she had now one of those good-looking, rather saucy-eyed young men, whom +she liked to have about her in a menial capacity. He wore a +chocolate-coloured livery made by a tailor in Marlingate, and sat on the +seat behind Joanna with his arms folded across his chest, as she spanked +along the Straight Mile. + +Joanna was now thirty-three years old, and in some ways looked older +than her age, in others younger. Her skin, richly weather-beaten into +reds and browns, and her strong, well-developed figure in its +old-fashioned stays, made her look older than her eyes, which had an +expectant, childish gravity in their brightness, and than her mouth, +which was still a young woman's mouth, large, eager, full-lipped, with +strong, little, white teeth. Her hair was beautiful--it had no +sleekness, but, even in its coils, looked rough and abundant, and it +had the same rich, apple-red colours in it as her skin. + +She still had plenty of admirers, for the years had made her more rather +than less desirable in herself, and men had grown used to her +independence among them. Moreover, she was a "catch," a maid with money, +and this may have influenced the decorous, well-considered offers she +had about this time from farmers inland as well as on the Marsh. She +refused them decidedly--nevertheless, it was obvious that she was well +pleased to have been asked; these solid, estimable proposals testified +to a quality in her life which had not been there before. + +Yes--she had done well for herself on the whole, she thought. Looking +back over her life, over the ten years she had ruled at Ansdore, she saw +success consistently rewarding hard work and high ambition. She saw, +too, strange gaps--parts of the road which had grown dim in her memory, +parts where probably there had been a turning, where she might have left +this well-laid, direct and beaten highway for more romantic field-paths. +It was queer, when she came to think of it, that nothing in her life had +been really successful except Ansdore, that directly she had turned off +her high-road she had become at once as it were bogged and lantern-led. +Socknersh ... Martin ... Ellen ... there had been by-ways, dim paths +leading into queer unknown fields, a strange beautiful land, which now +she would never know. + + + + +§22 + +Ellen watched her sister's thriving. "She's almost a lady," she said to +herself, "and it's wasted on her." She was inclined to be dissatisfied +with her own position in local society. When she had first married she +had not thought it would be difficult to get herself accepted as +"county" in the new neighbourhood, but she had soon discovered that she +had had far more consequence as Joanna Godden's sister than she would +ever have as Arthur Alce's wife. Even in those days Little Ansdore had +been a farm of the first importance, and Joanna was at least notorious +where she was not celebrated; but Donkey Street held comparatively +humble rank in a district overshadowed by Dungemarsh Court, and Arthur +was not the man to push himself into consideration, though Ellen had +agreed that half her marriage portion should be spent on the improvement +of his farm. + +No one of any consequence had called upon her, though her drawing-room, +with its black cushions and Watts pictures, was more fit to receive the +well-born and well-bred than Joanna's disgraceful parlour of oleographs +and aspidistras and stuffed owls. The Parson had "visited" Mrs. Alce a +few weeks after her arrival, but a "visit" is not a call, and when at +the end of three months his wife still ignored her existence, Ellen made +Arthur come over with her to Brodnyx and Pedlinge on the Sundays she +felt inclined to go to church, saying that she did not care for their +ways at Romney, where they had a lot of ceremonial centering round the +alms-dish. + +It was bitter for her to have to watch Joanna's steady rise in +importance--the only respect in which she felt bitter towards her +sister, since it was the only respect in which she felt inferior to her. +After a time, Joanna discovered this. At first she had enjoyed pouring +out her triumphs to Ellen on her visits to Donkey Street, or on the +rarer occasions when Ellen visited Ansdore. + +"Yes, my dear, I've made up my mind. I'm going to give a dinner-party--a +late dinner-party. I shall ask the people to come at seven, and then not +have dinner till the quarter, so as there'll be no chance of the food +being kept waiting. I shall have soup and meat and a pudding, and wine +to drink." + +"Who are you going to invite?" asked Ellen, with a curl of her lip. + +"Why, didn't I tell you? Sir Harry Trevor's coming back to North +Farthing next month. Mrs. Tolhurst got it from Peter Crouch, who had it +from the Woolpack yesterday. He's coming down with his married sister, +Mrs. Williams, and I'll ask Mr. Pratt, so as there'll be two gentlemen +and two ladies. I'd ask you, Ellen, only I know Arthur hasn't got an +evening suit." + +"Thanks. I don't care about dinner-parties. Who's going to do your +waiting?" + +"Mene Tekel. She's going to wear a cap, and stand in the room all the +time." + +"I hope that you'll be able to hear yourselves talk through her +breathing." + +It struck Joanna that Ellen was not very cordial. + +"I believe you want to come," she said, "and I tell you, duckie, I'll +try and manage it. It doesn't matter about Arthur not having proper +clothes--I'll put 'evening dress optional' on the invitations." + +"I shouldn't do that," said Ellen, and laughed in a way that made Joanna +feel uncomfortable. "I really don't want to come in the least--it would +be very dreary driving to and fro." + +"Then what's the matter, dearie?" + +"Matter? There's nothing the matter." + +But Joanna knew that Ellen felt sore, and failing to discover the reason +herself at last applied to Arthur Alce. + +"If you ask me," said Arthur, "it's because she's only a farmer's wife." + +"Why should that upset her all of a sudden?" + +"Well, folks don't give her the consequence she'd like; and now she sees +you having gentry at your table ..." + +"I'd have had her at it too, only she didn't want to come, and you +haven't got the proper clothes. Arthur, if you take my advice, you'll go +into Lydd this very day and buy yourself an evening suit." + +"Ellen won't let me. She says I'd look a clown in it." + +"Ellen's getting very short. What's happened to her these days?" + +"It's only that she likes gentlefolk and is fit to mix with them; and +after all, Jo, I'm nothing but a pore common man." + +"I hope you don't complain of her, Arthur?" + +"Oh, no--I've no complaints--don't you think it. And don't you go saying +anything to her, Jo." + +"Then what am I to do about it? I won't have her troubling you, nor +herself, neither. I tell you what I'll do--look here!--I--I--" Joanna +gave a loud sacrificial gulp--"I'll make it middle-day dinner instead of +late, and then you won't have to wear evening dress, and Ellen can come +and meet the Old Squire. She should ought to, seeing as he gave her a +pearl locket when she was married. It won't be near so fine as having +it in the evening, but I don't want neither her nor you to be upset--and +I can always call it 'lunch' ..." + + + + +§23 + +As the result of Joanna's self-denial, Ellen and Arthur were able to +meet Sir Harry Trevor and his sister at luncheon at Ansdore. The +luncheon did not differ in any respect from the dinner as at first +proposed. There was soup--much to Ellen's annoyance, as Arthur had never +been able to master the etiquette of its consumption--and a leg of +mutton and roast fowls, and a large fig pudding, washed down with some +really good wine, for Joanna had asked the wine-merchant at Rye +uncompromisingly for his best--"I don't mind what I pay so long as it's +that"--and had been served accordingly. Mene Tekel waited, with creaking +stays and shoes, and loud breaths down the visitors' necks as she thrust +vegetable dishes and sauce-boats at perilous angles over their +shoulders. + +Ellen provided a piquant contrast to her surroundings. As she sat there +in her soft grey dress, with her eyes cast down under her little town +hat, with her quiet voice, and languid, noiseless movements, anything +more unlike the average farmer's wife of the district was difficult to +imagine. Joanna felt annoyed with her for dressing up all quiet as a +water-hen, but she could see that, in spite of it, her sacrifice in +having her party transferred from the glamorous evening hour had been +justified. Both the Old Squire and his sister were obviously interested +in Ellen Alce--he in the naïve unguarded way of the male, she more +subtly and not without a dash of patronage. + +Mrs. Williams always took an interest in any woman she thought +downtrodden, as her intuition told her Ellen was by that coarse, hairy +creature, Arthur Alce. She herself had disposed of an unsatisfactory +husband with great decision and resource, and, perhaps as a +thank-offering, had devoted the rest of her life to woman's +emancipation. She travelled about the country lecturing for a +well-known suffrage society, and was bitterly disappointed in Joanna +Godden because she expressed herself quite satisfied without the vote. + +"But don't you feel it humiliating to see your carter and your cowman +and your shepherd boy all go up to Rye to vote on polling-day, while +you, who own this farm, and have such a stake in the country, aren't +allowed to do so?" + +"It only means as I've got eight votes instead of one," said Joanna, +"and don't have the trouble of going to the poll, neither. Not one of my +men would dare vote but as I told him, so reckon I do better than most +at the elections." + +Mrs. Williams told Joanna that it was such opinions which were keeping +back the country from some goal unspecified. + +"Besides, you have to think of other women, Miss Godden--other women who +aren't so fortunate and independent as yourself." + +She gave a long glance at Ellen, whose downcast eyelids flickered. + +"I don't care about other women," said Joanna, "if they won't stand up +for themselves, I can't help them. It's easy enough to stand up to a +man. I don't think much of men, neither. I like 'em, but I can't think +any shakes of their doings. That's why I'd sooner they did their own +voting and mine too. Now, Mene Tekel, can't you see the Squire's ate all +his cabbage?--You hand him the dish again--not under his chin--he don't +want to eat out of it--but low down, so as he can get hold of the +spoon...." + +Joanna looked upon her luncheon party as a great success, and her +pleasure was increased by the fact that soon after it Sir Harry Trevor +and his sister paid a ceremonial call on Ellen at Donkey Street. + +"Now she'll be pleased," thought Joanna, "it's always what she's been +hankering after--having gentlefolk call on her and leave their cards. It +ain't my fault it hasn't happened earlier.... I'm unaccountable glad she +met them at my house. It'll learn her to think prouder of me." + + + + +§24 + +That spring and summer Sir Harry Trevor was a good deal at North +Farthing, and it was rumoured on the Marsh that he had run through the +money so magnanimously left him and had been driven home to economize. +Joanna did not see as much of him as in the old days--he had given up +his attempts at farming, and had let off all the North Farthing land +except the actual garden and paddock. He came to see her once or twice, +and she went about as rarely to see him. It struck her that he had +changed in many ways, and she wondered a little where he had been and +what he had done during the last four years. He did not look any older. +Some queer, rather unpleasant lines had traced themselves at the corners +of his mouth and eyes, but strangely enough, though they added to his +characteristic air of humorous sophistication, they also added to his +youth, for they were lines of desire, of feeling ... perhaps in his four +years of absence from the Marsh he had learned how to feel at last, and +had found youth instead of age in the commotions which feeling brings. +Though he must be fifty-five, he looked scarcely more than forty--and he +had a queer, weak, loose, emotional air about him that she found it hard +to account for. + +In the circumstances she did not press invitations upon him, she had no +time to waste on men who did not appreciate her as a woman--which the +Squire, in spite of his susceptibility, obviously failed to do. From +June to August she met him only once, and that was at Ellen's. Neither +did she see very much of Ellen that summer--her life was too full of +hard work, as a substitute for economy. + +Curiously enough next time she went to see her sister Sir Harry was +there again. + +"Hullo! I always seem to be meeting you here," she said--"and nowhere +else--you never come to see me now." + +Sir Harry grinned. + +"You're always so mortal busy, Jo--I'd feel in your way. Now this little +woman never seems to have much to do. You're a lazy little thing, +Ellen--I don't believe you ever move off the sofa, except to the +piano." + +Joanna was surprised to see him on such familiar terms with her +sister--"Ellen," indeed! He'd no right to call her that. + +"Mrs. Alce hasn't nothing beyond her housework to do--and any woman +worth her keep 'ull get shut of that in the morning. Now I've got +everything on my hands--and I've no good, kind Arthur to look after me +neither," and Joanna beamed on Arthur Alce as he stirred his tea at the +end of the table. + +"And jolly thankful you are that you haven't," said the Squire. "Own up, +Joanna, and say that the last thing you'd want in life would be someone +to look after you." + +"Well, it strikes me," said Joanna, "as most of the people I meet want +looking after themselves, and it 'ud be just about waste for any of 'em +to start looking after me." + +Arthur Alce unexpectedly murmured something that sounded like "Hear, +hear." + +When Joanna left, he brought round her trap, as the saucy-eyed young +groom was having a day off in Rye. + +"How've your turnips done?" he asked. + +"Not so good as last year, but the wurzels are fine." + +"Mine might be doing better"--he stood fumbling with a trace-buckle. + +"Has that come loose?" asked Joanna. + +"Nun-no. I hope your little lady liked her oats." + +"She looks in good heart--watch her tugging. You've undone that buckle, +Arthur." + +"So I have--I was just fidgeting." + +He fastened the strap again, his fingers moving clumsily and slowly. It +struck her that he was trying to gain time, that he wanted to tell her +something. + +"Anything the matter, Arthur?" + +"Nothing--why?" + +"Oh, it struck me you looked worried." + +"What should I be worried about?" + +"There's a lot of things you might be worried about. What did you tell +me about your wurzels?" + +"They're not so bad." + +"Then I can't see as there's any need for you to look glum." + +"No more there ain't," said Arthur in the voice of a man making a +desperate decision. + + + + +§25 + +It was not till nearly a month later that Joanna heard that people were +"talking" about Ellen and Sir Harry. Gossip generally took some time to +reach her, owing to her sex, which was not privileged to frequent the +Woolpack bar, where rumours invariably had a large private circulation +before they were finally published at some auction or market. She +resented this disability, but in spite of the general daring of her +outlook and behaviour, nothing would have induced her to enter the +Woolpack save by the discreet door of the landlady's parlour, where she +occasionally sipped a glass of ale. However, she had means of acquiring +knowledge, though not so quickly as those women who were provided with +husbands and sons. On this occasion Mene Tekel Fagge brought the news, +through the looker at Slinches, with whom she was walking out. + +"That'll do, Mene," said Joanna to her handmaiden, "you always was the +one to pick up idle tales, and Dansay should ought to be ashamed of +himself, drinking and talking the way he does. Now you go and tell Peter +Crouch to bring me round the trap." + +She drove off to Donkey Street, carrying her scandal to its source. She +was extremely angry--not that for one moment she believed in the truth +of those accusations brought against her sister, but Ellen was just the +sort of girl, with her airs and notions, to get herself talked about at +the Woolpack, and it was disgraceful to have such things said about one, +even if they were not true. There was a prickly heat of shame in +Joanna's blood as she hustled the mare over the white loops of the +Romney road. + +The encounter with Ellen made her angrier still. + +"I don't care what they say," said her sister, "why should I mind what a +public-house bar says against me?" + +"Well, you should ought to mind--it's shameful." + +"They've said plenty against you." + +"Not that sort of thing." + +"I'd rather have that sort of thing said about me than some." + +"Ellen!" + +"Well, the Squire's isn't a bad name to have coupled with mine, if they +must couple somebody's." + +"I wonder you ain't afraid of being struck dead, talking like that--you +with the most kind, good-tempered and lawful husband that ever was." + +"Do you imagine that I'm disloyal to Arthur?" + +"Howsumever could you think I'd dream of such a thing?" + +"Well, it's the way you're talking." + +"It ain't." + +"Then why are you angry?" + +"Because you shouldn't ought to get gossiped about like that." + +"It isn't my fault." + +"It is. You shouldn't ought to have Sir Harry about the place as much as +you do. The last two times I've been here, he's been too." + +"I like him--he amuses me." + +"I like him too, but he ain't worth nothing, and he's got a bad name. +You get shut of him, Ellen--I know him, and I know a bit about him; he +ain't the sort of man to have coming to your house when folks are +talking." + +"You have him to yours--whenever you can get him." + +"But then I'm a single woman, and he being a single man there's no harm +in it." + +"Do you think that a married woman should know no man but her husband?" + +"What did she marry a husband for?" + +"Really, Joanna ... however, there's no use arguing with you. I'm sorry +you're annoyed at the gossip, but to keep out of the gossip here one +would have to live like a cabbage. You haven't exactly kept out of it +yourself." + +"Have done, do, with telling me that. They only talk about me because +I'm more go-ahead than any of 'em, and make more money. Anyone may talk +about you that way and I shan't mind. But to have it said at the +Woolpack as you, a married woman, lets a man like Sir Harry be for ever +hanging around your house ..." + +"Are you jealous?" said Ellen softly. "Poor old Jo--I'm sorry if I've +taken _another_ of your men." + +Joanna opened her mouth and stared at her. At first she hardly +understood, then, suddenly grasping what was in Ellen's mind, she took +in her breath for a torrential explanation of the whole matter. But the +next minute she realized that this was hardly the moment to say anything +which would prejudice her sister against Arthur Alce. If Ellen would +value him more as a robbery, then let her persist in her delusion. The +effort of silence was so great that Joanna became purple and +apoplectic--with a wild, grabbing gesture she turned away, and burst out +of the house into the drive, where her trap was waiting. + + + + +§26 + +The next morning Mene Tekel brought fresh news from the Woolpack, and +this time it was of a different quality, warranted to allay the seething +of Joanna's moral sense. Sir Harry Trevor had sold North Farthing to a +retired bootmaker. He was going to the South of France for the winter, +and was then coming back to his sister's flat in London, while she went +for a lecturing tour in the United States. The Woolpack was very +definitely and minutely informed as to his doings, and had built its +knowledge into the theory that he must have had some more money left +him. + +Joanna was delighted--she forgave Sir Harry, and Ellen too, which was a +hard matter. None the less, as November approached through the showers +and floods, she felt a little anxious lest he should delay his going or +perhaps even revoke it. However, the first week of the month saw the +arrival of the bootmaker from Deal, with two van-loads of furniture, and +his wife and four grown-up daughters--all as ugly as roots, said the +Woolpack. The Squire's furniture was sold by auction at Dover, from +which port his sailing was in due course guaranteed by credible +eye-witnesses. Joanna once more breathed freely. No one could talk +about him and Ellen now--that disgraceful scandal, which seemed to lower +Ellen to the level of Marsh dairy-girls in trouble, and had about it too +that strange luciferian flavour of "the sins of Society," that scandal +had been killed, and its dead body taken away in the Dover mail. + +Now that he was gone, and no longer a source of danger to her family's +reputation, she found herself liking Sir Harry again. He had always been +friendly, and though she fundamentally disapproved of his "ways," she +was woman enough to be thrilled by his lurid reputation. Moreover, he +provided a link, her last living link, with Martin's days--now that +strange women kept rabbits in the backyards of North Farthing and the +rooms were full of the Deal bootmaker's resplendent suites, that time of +dew and gold and dreams seemed to have faded still further off. For many +years it had lain far away on the horizon, but now it seemed to have +faded off the earth altogether, and to live only in the sunset sky or in +the dim moon-risings, which sometimes woke her out of her sleep with a +start, as if she slipped on the verge of some troubling memory. + +This kindlier state of affairs lasted for about a month, during which +Joanna saw very little of Ellen. She was at rest about her sister, for +the fact that Ellen might be feeling lonely and unhappy at the departure +of her friend did not trouble her in the least; such emotions, so vile +in their source, could not call for any sympathy. Besides, she was busy, +hunting for a new cowman to work under Broadhurst, whose undertakings, +since the establishment of the milk-round, had almost come to equal +those of the looker in activity and importance. + +She was just about to set out one morning for a farm near Brenzett, when +she saw Arthur Alce come up to the door on horseback. + +"Hullo, Jo!" he called rather anxiously through the window. "Have you +got Ellen?" + +"I?--No. Why should I have her, pray?" + +"Because I ain't got her." + +"What d'you mean? Get down, Arthur, and come and talk to me in here. +Don't let everyone hear you shouting like that." + +Arthur hitched his horse to the paling and came in. + +"I thought maybe I'd find her here," he said. "I ain't seen her since +breakfast." + +"There's other places she could have gone besides here. Maybe she's gone +shopping in Romney and forgot to tell you." + +"It's queer her starting off like that without a word--and she's took +her liddle bag and a few bits of things with her too." + +"What things?--Arthur! Why couldn't you tell me that before?" + +"I was going to.... I'm feeling a bit anxious, Jo.... I've a feeling +she's gone after that Old Squire." + +"You dare say such a thing! Arthur, I'm ashamed of you, believing such a +thing of your wife and my sister." + +"Well, she was unaccountable set on him." + +"Nonsense! He just amused her. It's you whose wife she is." + +"She's scarce given me a word more'n in the way of business, as you +might say, this last three month. And she won't let me touch her." + +"Why didn't you tell me this before?" + +"I didn't want to trouble you, and I thought maybe it was a private +matter." + +"You should have told me the drackly minute Ellen started not to treat +you proper. I'd have spoken to her.... Now we're in for a valiant +terrification." + +"I'm unaccountable sorry, Jo." + +"How long has she been gone?" + +"Since around nine. I went out to see the tegs, counting them up to go +inland, and when I came in for dinner the gal told me as Ellen had gone +out soon after breakfast, and had told her to see as I got my dinner, as +she wouldn't be back." + +"Why didn't you start after her at once?" + +"Well, I made sure as she'd gone to you. Then I began to think over +things and put 'em together, and I found she'd taken her liddle bag, and +I got scared. I never liked her seeing such a lot of that man." + +"Then why didn't you stop it?" + +"How could I?" + +"I could have--and the way people talked.... I'd have locked her up +sooner than ... well, it's too late now ... the boat went at twelve. Oh, +Arthur, why didn't you watch her properly? Why did you let her go like +that? Think of it! What's to become of her--away in foreign parts with a +man who ain't her husband ... my liddle Ellen ... oh, it's +turble--turble--" + +Her speech suddenly roughened into the Doric of the Marsh, and she sat +down heavily, dropping her head to her knees. + +"Joanna--don't, don't ... don't take on, Jo." + +He had not seen her cry before, and now she frightened him. Her +shoulders heaved, and great panting sobs shook her broad back. + +"My liddle Ellen ... my treasure, my duckie ... oh, why have you left +us?... You could have come back to me if you didn't like it.... Oh, +Ellen, where are you?... Come back ..." + +Arthur stood motionless beside her, his frame rigid, his protuberant +blue eyes staring through the window at the horizon. He longed to take +Joanna in his arms, caress and comfort her, but he knew that he must +not. + +"Cheer up," he said at last in a husky voice, "maybe it ain't so bad as +you think. Maybe I'll find her at home when I get back to Donkey +Street." + +"Not if she took her bag. Oh, whatsumever shall we do?--whatsumever +shall we do?" + +"We can but wait. If she don't come back, maybe she'll send me a +letter." + +"It queers me how you can speak so light of it." + +"I speak light?" + +"Yes, you don't seem to tumble to it." + +"Reckon I do tumble to it, but what can we do?" + +"You shouldn't have left her alone all that time from breakfast till +dinner--if you'd gone after her at the start you could have brought her +back. You should ought to have kicked Sir Harry out of Donkey Street +before the start. I'd have done it surely. Reckon I love Ellen more'n +you." + +"Reckon you do, Jo. I tell you, I ought never to have married her--since +it was you I cared for all along." + +"Hold your tongue, Arthur. I'm ashamed of you to choose this time to +say such an immoral thing." + +"It ain't immoral--it's the truth." + +"Well, it shouldn't ought to be the truth. When you married Ellen you'd +no business to go on caring for me. I guess all this is a judgment on +you, caring for a woman when you'd married her sister." + +"You ain't yourself, Jo," said Arthur sadly, "and there's no sense +arguing with you. I'll go away till you've got over it. Maybe I'll have +some news for you to-morrow morning." + + + + +§27 + +To-morrow morning he had a letter from Ellen herself. He brought it at +once to a strangely drooping and weary-eyed Joanna, and read it again +over her shoulder. + + "DEAR ARTHUR," it ran-- + + "I'm afraid this will hurt you and Joanna terribly, but I expect + you have already guessed what has happened. I am on my way to San + Remo, to join Sir Harry Trevor, and I am never coming back, because + I know now that I ought not to have married you. I do not ask you + to forgive me, and I'm sure Joanna won't, but I had to think of my + own happiness, and I never was a good wife to you. Believe me, I + have done my best--I said 'Good-bye for ever' to Harry a month ago, + but ever since then my life has been one long misery; I cannot live + without him. + + "ELLEN." + +"Well, it's only told us what we knew already," said Joanna with a gulp, +"but now we're sure we can do better than just talk about it." + +"What can we do?" + +"We can get the Old Squire's address from somebody--Mrs. Williams or the +people at North Farthing House--and then send a telegram after her, +telling her to come back." + +"That won't be much use." + +"It'll be something, anyway. Maybe when she gets out there in foreign +parts she won't be so pleased--or maybe he never asked her to come, and +he'll have changed his mind about her. We must try and get her back. +Where have you told your folk she's gone to?" + +"I've told 'em she's gone to stop with you." + +"Well, I can't pretend she's here. You might have thought of something +better, Arthur." + +"I can't think of nothing else." + +"You just about try. If only we can get her somewheres for a week, so as +to have time to write and tell her as all will be forgiven and you'll +take her back...." + +Arthur looked mutinous. + +"I don't know as I want her back." + +"Arthur, you must. Otherways, everybody ull have to know what's +happened." + +"But she didn't like being with me, or she wouldn't have gone away." + +"She liked it well enough, or she wouldn't have stayed with you two +year. Arthur, you must have her back, you just about must. You send her +a telegram saying as you'll have her back if only she'll come this once, +before folks find out where she's gone." + +Arthur's resistance gradually failed before Joanna's entreaties and +persuasions. He could not withstand Jo when her blue eyes were all dull +with tears, and her voice was hoarse and frantic. For some months now +his marriage had seemed to him a wrong and immoral thing, but he rather +sorrowfully told himself that having made the first false step he could +not now turn round and come back, even if Ellen herself had broken away. +He rode off to find out the Squire's address, and send his wife the +summoning and forgiving telegram. + + + + +§28 + +It was not perhaps surprising that, in spite of a lavish and exceedingly +expensive offer of forgiveness, Ellen did not come home. Over a week +passed without even an acknowledgment of the telegram, which she must +have found reproachfully awaiting her arrival--the symbol of Walland +Marsh pursuing her into the remoteness of a new life and a strange +country. + +As might have been expected Joanna felt this period of waiting and +inactivity far more than she had felt the actual shock. She had all the +weight on her shoulders of a sustained deception. She and Arthur had to +dress up a story to deceive the neighbourhood, and they gave out that +Ellen was in London, staying with Mrs. Williams--her husband had +forbidden her to go, so she had run away, and now there would have to be +some give and take on both sides before she could come back. Joanna had +been inspired to circulate this legend by the discovery that Ellen +actually had taken a ticket for London. She had probably guessed the +sensation that her taking a ticket to Dover would arouse at the local +station, so had gone first to London and travelled down by the boat +express. It was all very cunning, and Joanna thought she saw the Old +Squire's experienced hand in it. Of course it might be true that he had +not persuaded Ellen to come out to him, but that she had gone to him on +a sudden impulse.... But even Joanna's plunging instinct realized that +her sister was not the sort to take desperate risks for love's sake, and +the whole thing had about it a sly, concerted air, which made her think +that Sir Harry was not only privy, but a prime mover. + +After some ten days of anxiety, self-consciousness, shame and +exasperation, these suspicions were confirmed by a letter from the +Squire himself. He wrote from Oepedaletti, a small place near San Remo, +and he wrote charmingly. No other adverb could qualify the peculiarly +suave, tactful, humorous and gracious style in which not only he flung a +mantle of romance over his and Ellen's behaviour (which till then, +judged by the standards of Ansdore, had been just drably "wicked"), but +by some mysterious means brought in Joanna as a third conspirator, +linked by a broad and kindly intuition with himself and Ellen against a +censorious world. + + "You, who know Ellen so well, will realize that she has never till + now had her birthright. You did your best for her, but both of you + were bounded north, south, east and west by Walland Marsh. I wish + you could see her now, beside me on the terrace--she is like a + little finch in the sunshine of its first spring day. Her only + trouble is her fear of you, her fear that you will not understand. + But I tell her I would trust you first of all the world to do that. + As a woman of the world, you must realize exactly what public + opinion is worth--if you yourself had bowed down to it, where would + you be now? Ellen is only doing now what you did for yourself + eleven years ago." + +Joanna's feelings were divided between gratification at the flattery she +never could resist, and a fierce resentment at the insult offered her in +supposing she could ever wink at such "goings on." The more indignant +emotions predominated in the letter she wrote Sir Harry, for she knew +well enough that the flattery was not sincere--he was merely out to +propitiate. + +Her feelings towards Ellen were exceedingly bitter, and the letter she +wrote her was a rough one:-- + + "You're nothing but a baggage. It makes no difference that you wear + fine clothes and shoes that he's bought you to your shame. You're + just every bit as low as Martha Tilden whom I got shut of ten year + ago for no worse than you've done." + +Nevertheless, she insisted that Ellen should come home. She guaranteed +Arthur's forgiveness, and--somewhat rashly--the neighbours' discretion. +"I've told them you're in London with Mrs. Williams. But that won't hold +good much more than another week. So be quick and come home, before it's +too late." + +Unfortunately the facts of Ellen's absence were already beginning to +leak out. People did not believe in the London story. Had not the Old +Squire's visits to Donkey Street been the tattle of the Marsh for six +months? She was condemned not only at the Woolpack, but at the three +markets of Rye, Lydd and Romney. Joanna was furious. + +"It's that Post Office," she exclaimed, and the remark was not quite +unjust. The contents of telegrams had always had an alarming way of +spreading themselves over the district, and Joanna felt sure that Miss +Godfrey would have both made and published her own conclusions on the +large amount of foreign correspondence now received at Ansdore. + +Ellen herself was the next to write. She wrote impenitently and +decidedly. She would never come back, so there was no good either Joanna +or Arthur expecting it. She had left Donkey Street because she could not +endure its cramped ways any longer, and it was unreasonable to expect +her to return. + +"If Arthur has any feeling for me left, he will divorce me. He can +easily do it, and then we shall both be free to re-marry." + +"Reckon she thinks the old Squire ud like to marry her," said Alce, "I'd +be glad if I thought so well of him." + +"He can't marry her, seeing as she's your wife." + +"If we were divorced, she wouldn't be." + +"She would. You were made man and wife in Pedlinge church, as I saw with +my own eyes, and I'll never believe as what was done then can be undone +just by having some stuff written in the papers." + +"It's a lawyer's business," said Arthur. + +"I can't see that," said Joanna--"a parson married you, so reckon a +parson must unmarry you." + +"He wouldn't do it. It's a lawyer's job." + +"I'd thank my looker if he went about undoing my carter's work. Those +lawyers want to put their heads in everywhere. And as for Ellen, all I +can say is, it's just like her wanting the Ten Commandments altered to +suit her convenience. Reckon they ain't refined and high-class enough +for her. But she may ask for a divorce till she's black in the face--she +shan't get it." + +So Ellen had to remain--very much against the grain, for she was +fundamentally respectable--a breaker of the law. She wrote once or twice +more on the subject, appealing to Arthur, since Joanna's reply had shown +her exactly how much quarter she could expect. But Arthur was not to be +won, for apart from Joanna's domination, and his own unsophisticated +beliefs in the permanence of marriage, his suspicions were roused by the +Old Squire's silence on the matter. At no point did he join his appeals +and arguments with Ellen's, though he had been ready enough to write to +excuse and explain.... No, Arthur felt that love and wisdom lay not in +sanctifying Ellen in her new ways with the blessing of the law, but in +leaving the old open for her to come back to when the new should perhaps +grow hard. "That chap 'ull get shut of her--I don't trust him--and then +she'll want to come back to me or Jo." + +So he wrote with boring reiteration of his willingness to receive her +home again as soon as she chose to return, and assured her that he and +Joanna had still managed to keep the secret of her departure, so that +she need not fear scornful tongues. They had given the Marsh to +understand that no settlement having been arrived at, Ellen had +accompanied Mrs. Williams to the South of France, hoping that things +would have improved on her return. This would account for the foreign +post-marks, and both he and Joanna were more proud of their cunning than +was quite warrantable from its results. + + + + +§29 + +That winter brought Great Ansdore at last into the market. It would have +come in before had not Joanna so rashly bragged of her intention to buy +it. As it was--"I guess I'll get a bit more out of the old gal by +holding on," said Prickett disrespectfully, and he held on till Joanna's +impatience about equalled his extremity; whereupon he sold it to her for +not over fifty per cent, more than he would have asked had he not known +of her ambition. She paid the price manfully, and Prickett went out with +his few sticks. + +The Woolpack was inclined to be contemptuous. + +"Five thousand pounds for Prickett's old shacks, and his mouldy pastures +that are all burdock and fluke. If Joanna Godden had had any know, she +could have beaten him down fifteen hundred--he was bound to sell, and +she was a fool not to make him sell at her price." + +But when Joanna wanted a thing she did not mind paying for it, and she +had wanted Great Ansdore very much, though no one knew better than she +that it was shacky and mouldy. For long it had mocked with its proud +title the triumphs of Little Ansdore. Now the whole manor of Ansdore +was hers, Great and Little, and with it she held the living of Brodnyx +and Pedlinge--it was she, of her own might, who would appoint the next +Rector, and for some time she imagined that she had it in her power to +turn out Mr. Pratt. + +She at once set to work, putting her new domain in order. Some of the +pasture she grubbed up for spring sowings, the rest she drained by +cutting a new channel from the Kent Ditch to the White Kemp Sewer. She +re-roofed the barns with slate, and painted and re-tiled the +dwelling-house. This last she decided to let to some family of +gentlepeople, while herself keeping on the farm and the barns. The +dwelling-house of Little Ansdore, though more flat and spreading, was in +every way superior to that of Great Ansdore, which was rather new and +inclined to gimcrackiness, having been built on the site of the first +dwelling, burnt down somewhere in the eighties. Besides, she loved +Little Ansdore for its associations--under its roof she had been born +and her father had been born, under its roof she had known love and +sorrow and denial and victory; she could not bear to think of leaving +it. The queer, low house, with its mixture of spaciousness and +crookedness, its huge, sag-ceilinged rooms and narrow, twisting +passages, was almost a personality to her now, one of the Godden family, +the last of kin that had remained kind. + +Her activities were merciful in crowding what would otherwise have been +a sorrowful period of emptiness and anxiety. It is true that Ellen's +behaviour had done much to spoil her triumph, both in the neighbourhood +and in her own eyes, but she had not time to be thinking of it always. +Visits to Rye, either to her lawyers or to the decorators and +paper-hangers, the engaging of extra hands, both temporary and +permanent, for the extra work, the supervising of labourers and workmen +whom she never could trust to do their job without her ... all these +crowded her cares into a few hours of evening or an occasionally wakeful +night. + +But every now and then she must suffer. Sometimes she would be +overwhelmed, in the midst of all her triumphant business, with a sense +of personal failure. She had succeeded where most women are hopeless +failures, but where so many women are successful and satisfied she had +failed and gone empty. She had no home, beyond what was involved in the +walls of this ancient dwelling, the womb and grave of her existence--she +had lost the man she loved, had been unable to settle herself +comfortably with another, and now she had lost Ellen, the little sister, +who had managed to hold at least a part of that over-running love, which +since Martin's death had had only broken cisterns to flow into. + +The last catastrophe now loomed the largest. Joanna no longer shed tears +for Martin, but she shed many for Ellen, either into her own pillow, or +into the flowery quilt of the flowery room which inconsequently she held +sacred to the memory of the girl who had despised it. Her grief for +Ellen was mixed with anxiety and with shame. What would become of her? +Joanna could not, would not, believe that she would never come back. Yet +what if she came?... In Joanna's eyes, and in the eyes of all the +neighbourhood, Ellen had committed a crime which raised a barrier +between her and ordinary folk. Between Ellen and her sister now stood +the wall of strange, new conditions--conditions that could ignore the +sonorous Thou Shalt Not, which Joanna never saw apart from Mr. Pratt in +his surplice and hood, standing under the Lion and the Unicorn, while +all the farmers and householders of the Marsh murmured into their Prayer +Books--"Lord, have mercy upon us, and incline our hearts to keep this +law." She could not think of Ellen without this picture rising up +between them, and sometimes in church she would be overwhelmed with a +bitter shame, and in the lonely enclosure of her great cattle-box pew +would stuff her fingers into her ears, so that she should not hear the +dreadful words of her sister's condemnation. + +She had moments, too, of an even bitterer shame--strange, terrible, and +mercifully rare times when her attitude towards Ellen was not of +judgment or of care or of longing, but of envy. Sometimes she would be +overwhelmed with a sense of Ellen's happiness in being loved, even if +the love was unlawful. She had never felt this during the years that her +sister had lived with Alce; the thought of his affection had brought her +nothing but happiness and content. Now, on sinister occasions, she +would find herself thinking of Ellen cherished and spoiled, protected +and caressed, living the life of love--and a desperate longing would +come to her to enjoy what her sister enjoyed, to be kissed and stroked +and made much of and taken care of, to see some man laying schemes and +taking risks for her ... sometimes she felt that she would like to see +all the fullness of her life at Ansdore, all her honour on the Three +Marshes, blown to the winds if only in their stead she could have just +ordinary human love, with or without the law. + +Poor Joanna was overwhelmed with horror at herself--sometimes she +thought she must be possessed by a devil. She must be very wicked--in +her heart just as wicked as Ellen. What could she do to cast out this +dumb, tearing spirit?--should she marry one of her admirers on the +Marsh, and trust to his humdrum devotion to satisfy her devouring need? +Even in her despair and panic she knew that she could not do this. It +was love that she must have--the same sort of love that she had given +Martin; that alone could bring her the joys she now envied in her +sister. And love--how shall it be found?--Who shall go out to seek it? + + + + +§30 + +Towards the spring, Ellen wrote again, breaking the silence of several +weeks. She wrote in a different tone--some change had passed over her. +She no longer asked Arthur to divorce her--on the contrary she hinted +her thanks for his magnanimity in not having done so. Evidently she no +longer counted on marrying Sir Harry Trevor, perhaps, even, she did not +wish to. But in one point she had not changed--she was not coming back +to her husband. + +"I couldn't bear to live that life again, especially after what's +happened. It's not his fault--it's simply that I'm different. If he +wants his freedom, I suggest that he should let me divorce him--it could +easily be arranged. He should go and see a really good lawyer in +London." + +Yes--Ellen spoke truly when she said that she was "different." Her +cavalier dealings with the situation, the glib way she spoke of divorce, +the insult she flung at the respectable form of Huxtable, Vidler and +Huxtable by suggesting that Arthur should consult "a really good lawyer +in London," all showed how far she had travelled from the ways of +Walland Marsh. + +"What's she after now?" asked Joanna. + +"Reckon they're getting tired of each other." + +"She don't say so." + +"No--she wants to find out which way the land lays first." + +"I'll write and tell her she can come back and live along of me, if she +won't go to you." + +"Then I'll have to be leaving these parts--I couldn't be at Donkey +Street and her at Ansdore." + +"Reckon you could--she can go out of the way when you call." + +"It wouldn't be seemly." + +"Where ud you go?" + +"I've no notion. But reckon all this ain't the question yet. Ellen won't +come back to you no more than she'll come back to me." + +"She'll just about have to come if she gets shut of the Old Squire, +seeing as she's got no more than twelve pounds a year of her own. Reckon +poor father was a wise man when he left Ansdore to me and not to both of +us--you'd almost think he'd guessed what she was coming to." + +Joanna wrote to Ellen and made her offer. Her sister wrote back at great +length, and rather pathetically--"Harry" was going on to Venice, and she +did not think she would go with him--"when one gets to know a person, +Jo, one sometimes finds they are not quite what one thought them." She +would like to be by herself for a bit, but she did not want to come back +to Ansdore, even if Arthur went away--"it would be very awkward after +what has happened." She begged Jo to be generous and make her some small +allowance--"Harry would provide for me if he hadn't had such terrible +bad luck--he never was very well off, you know, and he can't manage +unless we keep together. I know you wouldn't like me to be tied to him +just by money considerations." + +Joanna was bewildered by the letter. She could have understood Ellen +turning in horror and loathing from the partner of her guilt, but she +could not understand this wary and matter-of-fact separation. What was +her sister made of? "Harry would provide for me" ... would she really +have accepted such a provision? Joanna's ears grew red. "I'll make her +come home," she exclaimed savagely--"she'll have to come if she's got no +money." + +"Maybe she'll stop along of him," said Arthur. + +"Then let her--I don't care. But she shan't have my money to live on by +herself in foreign parts, taking up with any man that comes her way; for +I don't trust her now--I reckon she's lost to shame." + +She wrote Ellen to this effect, and, not surprisingly, received no +answer. She felt hard and desperate--the thought that she was perhaps +binding her sister to her misdoing gave her only occasional spasms of +remorse. Sometimes she would feel as if all her being and all her +history, Ansdore and her father's memory, disowned her sister, and that +she could never take her back into her life again, however +penitent--"She's mocked at our good ways--she's loose, she's low." At +other times her heart melted towards Ellen in weakness, and she knew +within herself that no matter what she did, she would always be her +little sister, her child, her darling, whom all her life she had +cherished and could never cast out. + +She said nothing about these swaying feelings to Arthur--she had of late +grown far more secretive about herself--as for him, he took things as +they came. He found a wondrous quiet in this time, when he was allowed +to serve Joanna as in days of old. He did not think of marrying her--he +knew that even if it was true that the lawyers could set aside parson's +word, Joanna would not take him now, any more than she would have taken +him five or ten or fifteen years ago; she did not think about him in +that way. On the other hand she appreciated his company and his +services. He called at Ansdore two or three times a week, and ran her +errands for her. It was almost like old times, and in his heart he knew +and was ashamed to know that he hoped Ellen would never come back. If +she came back either to him or to Joanna, these days of quiet happiness +would end. Meantime, he would not think of it--he was Joanna's servant, +and when she could not be in two places at once it was his joy and +privilege to be in one of them. "I could live like this for ever, +surely," he said to himself, as he sat stirring his solitary cup of tea +at Donkey Street, knowing that he was to call at Ansdore the next +morning. That was the morning he met Joanna in the drive, hatless, and +holding a piece of paper in her hand. + +"I've heard from Ellen--she's telegraphed from Venice--she's coming +home." + + + + +§31 + +Now that she knew Ellen was coming, Joanna had nothing in her heart but +joy and angry love. Ellen was coming back, at last, after many +wanderings--and she saw now that these wanderings included the years of +her life with Alce--she was coming back to Ansdore and the old home. +Joanna forgot how much she had hated it, would not think that this +precious return was merely the action of a woman without resources. She +gave herself up to the joy of preparing a welcome--as splendidly and +elaborately as she had prepared for her sister's return from school. +This time, however, she went further, and actually made some concessions +to Ellen's taste. She remembered that she liked dull die-away colours +"like the mould on jam," so she took down the pink curtains and folded +away the pink bedspread, and put in their places material that the shop +at Rye assured her was "art green"--which, in combination with the +crimson, flowery walls and floor contrived most effectually to suggest a +scum of grey-green mould on a pot of especially vivid strawberry jam. + +But she was angry too--her heart burned to think not only of Ellen's sin +but of the casual way in which she treated it. "I won't have none of her +loose notions here," said Joanna grimly. She made up her mind to give +her sister a good talking to, to convince her of the way in which her +"goings on" struck decent folk; but she would not do it at the +start--"I'll give her time to settle down a bit first." + +During the few days which elapsed between Ellen's telegram and her +arrival, Joanna saw nothing of Alce. She had one letter from him, in +which he told her that he had been over to Fairfield to look at the +plough she was speaking of, but that it was old stuff and would be no +use to her. He did not even mention Ellen's name. She wondered if he was +making any plans for leaving Donkey Street--she hoped he would not be +such a fool as to go. He and Ellen could easily keep out of each other's +way. Still, if Ellen wouldn't stay unless he went, she would rather have +Ellen than Alce.... He would have to sell Donkey Street, or perhaps he +might let it off for a little time. + +April had just become May when Ellen returned to Ansdore. It had been a +rainy spring, and great pools were on the marshes, overflows from the +dykes and channels, clear mirrors green from the grass beneath their +shallows and the green rainy skies that hung above them. Here and there +they reflected white clumps and walls of hawthorn, with the pale +yellowish gleam of the buttercups in the pastures. The two sisters, +driving back from Rye, looked round on the green twilight of the Marsh +with indifferent eyes. Joanna had ceased to look for any beauty in her +surroundings since Martin's days--the small gift of sight that he had +given her had gone out with the light of his own eyes, and this evening +all she saw was the flooded pastures, which meant poor grazing for her +tegs due to come down from the Coast, and her lambs new-born on the Kent +Innings. As for Ellen, the Marsh had always stood with her for +unrelieved boredom. Its eternal flatness--the monotony of its roads +winding through an unvarying landscape of reeds and dykes and grazings, +past farms each of which was almost exactly like the one before it, with +red walls and orange roofs and a bush of elms and oaks--the wearisome +repetition of its seasons--the mists and floods of winter, the may and +buttercups of spring, the hay and meadow-sweet and wild carrot of the +summer months, the bleakness and winds of autumn--all this was typical +of her life there, water-bound, cut off from all her heart's desire of +variety and beauty and elegance, of the life to which she must now +return because her attempt to live another had failed and left her +stranded on a slag-heap of disillusion from which even Ansdore was a +refuge. + +Ellen sat very trim and erect beside Joanna in the trap. She wore a neat +grey coat and skirt, obviously not of local, nor indeed of English, +make, and a little toque of flowers. She had taken Joanna's breath away +on Rye platform; it had been very much like old times when she came home +for the holidays and checked the impulse of her sister's love by a +baffling quality of self-containment. Joanna, basing her expectations on +the Bible story of the Prodigal Son rather than on the experiences of +the past winter, had looked for a subdued penitent, surfeited with +husks, who, if not actually casting herself at her sister's feet and +offering herself as her servant, would at least have a hang-dog air and +express her gratitude for so much forgiveness. Instead of which Ellen +had said--"Hullo, Jo--it's good to see you again," and offered her a +cool, delicately powdered cheek, which Joanna's warm lips had kissed +with a queer, sad sense of repulse and humiliation. Before they had been +together long, it was she who wore the hang-dog air--for some +unconscionable reason she felt in the wrong, and found herself asking +her sister polite, nervous questions about the journey. + +This attitude prevailed throughout the evening--on the drive home, and +at the excellent supper they sat down to: a stuffed capon and a bottle +of wine, truly a genteel feast of reconciliation--but Joanna had grown +more aristocratic in her feeding since she bought Great Ansdore. Ellen +spoke about her journey--she had had a smooth crossing, but had felt +rather ill in the train. It was a long way from Venice--yes, you came +through France, and Switzerland too ... the St. Gothard tunnel ... +twenty minutes--well, I never?... Yes, a bit smoky--you had to keep the +windows shut ... she preferred French to Italian cooking--she did not +like all that oil ... oh yes, foreigners were very polite when they knew +you, but not to strangers ... just the opposite from England, where +people were polite to strangers and rude to their friends. Joanna had +never spoken or heard so many generalities in her life. + +At the end of supper she felt quite tired, what with saying one thing +with her tongue and another in her heart. Sometimes she felt that she +must say something to break down this unreality, which was between +them like a wall of ice--at other times she felt angry, and it was +Ellen she wanted to break down, to force out of her superior refuge, +and show up to her own self as just a common sinner receiving common +forgiveness. But there was something about Ellen which made this +impossible--something about her manner, with its cold poise, something +about her face, which had indefinitely changed--it looked paler, +wider, and there were secrets at the corners of her mouth. + +This was not the first time that Joanna had seen her sister calm and +collected while she herself was flustered--but this evening a sense of +her own awkwardness helped to put her at a still greater disadvantage. +She found herself making inane remarks, hesitating and stuttering--she +grew sulky and silent, and at last suggested that Ellen would like to go +to bed. + +Her sister seemed glad enough, and they went upstairs together. But even +the sight of her old bedroom, where the last year of her maidenhood had +been spent, even the sight of the new curtains chastening its exuberance +with their dim austerity, did not dissolve Ellen's terrible, cold +sparkle--her frozen fire. + +"Good night," said Joanna. + +"Good night," said Ellen, "may I have some hot water?" + +"I'll tell the gal," said Joanna tamely, and went out. + + + + +§32 + +When she was alone in her own room, she seemed to come to herself. She +felt ashamed of having been so baffled by Ellen, of having received her +on those terms. She could not bear to think of Ellen living on in the +house, so terribly at an advantage. If she let things stay as they were, +she was tacitly acknowledging some indefinite superiority which her +sister had won through sin. All the time she was saying nothing she +felt that Ellen was saying in her heart--"I have been away to foreign +parts, I have been loved by a man I don't belong to, I have Seen Life, I +have stopped at hotels, I have met people of a kind you haven't even +spoken to...." That was what Ellen was saying, instead of what Joanna +thought she ought to say, which was--"I'm no better then a dairy girl in +trouble, than Martha Tilden whom you sacked when I was a youngster, and +it's unaccountable good of you to have me home." + +Joanna was not the kind to waste her emotions in the sphere of thought. +She burst out of the room, and nearly knocked over Mene Tekel, who was +on her way to Ellen with a jug of hot water. + +"Give that to me," she said, and went to her sister's door, at which she +was still sufficiently demoralized to knock. + +"Come in," said Ellen. + +"I've brought you your hot water." + +"Thank you very much--I hope it hasn't been a trouble." + +Ellen was standing by the bed in a pretty lilac silk wrapper, her hair +tucked away under a little lace cap. Joanna wore her dressing-gown of +turkey-red flannel, and her hair hung down her back in two great rough +plaits. For a moment she stared disapprovingly at her sister, whom she +thought looked "French," then she suddenly felt ashamed of herself and +her ugly, shapeless coverings. This made her angry, and she burst out-- + +"Ellen Alce, I want a word with you." + +"Sit down, Jo," said Ellen sweetly. + +Joanna flounced on to the rosy, slippery chintz of Ellen's sofa. Ellen +sat down on the bed. + +"What do you want to say to me?" + +"An unaccountable lot of things." + +"Must they all be said to-night? I'm very sleepy." + +"Well, you must just about keep awake. I can't let it stay over any +longer. Here you've been back five hour, and not a word passed between +us." + +"On the contrary, we have had some intelligent conversation for the +first time in our lives." + +"You call that rot about furriners 'intelligent conversation'? Well, +all I can say is that it's like you--all pretence. One ud think you'd +just come back from a pleasure-trip abroad instead of from a wicked life +that you should ought to be ashamed of." + +For the first time a flush darkened the heavy whiteness of Ellen's skin. + +"So you want to rake up the past? It's exactly like you, Jo--'having +things out,' I suppose you'd call it. How many times in our lives have +you and I 'had things out'?--And what good has it ever done us?" + +"I can't go on all pretending like this--I can't go on pretending I +think you an honest woman when I don't--I can't go on saying 'It's a +fine day' when I'm wondering how you'll fare in the Day of Judgment." + +"Poor old Jo," said Ellen, "you'd have had an easier life if you hadn't +lived, as they say, so close to nature. It's just what you call +pretences and others call good manners that make life bearable for some +people." + +"Yes, for 'some people' I daresay--people whose characters won't stand +any straight talking." + +"Straight talking is always so rude--no one ever seems to require it on +pleasant occasions." + +"That's all nonsense. You always was a squeamish, obstropulous little +thing, Ellen. It's only natural that having you back in my house--as I'm +more than glad to do--I should want to know how you stand. What made you +come to me sudden like that?" + +"Can't you guess? It's rather unpleasant for me to have to tell you." + +"Reckon it was that man"--somehow Sir Harry's name had become vaguely +improper, Joanna felt unable to pronounce it--"then you've made up your +mind not to marry him," she finished. + +"How can I marry him, seeing I'm somebody else's wife?" + +"I'm glad to hear you say such a proper thing. It ain't what you was +saying at the start. Then you wanted a divorce and all sorts of foreign +notions ... what's made you change round?" + +"Well, Arthur wouldn't give me a divorce, for one thing. For another, as +I told you in my letter, one often doesn't know people till one's lived +with them--besides, he's too old for me." + +"He'll never see sixty again." + +"He will," said Ellen indignantly--"he was only fifty-five in March." + +"That's thirty year more'n you." + +"I've told you he's too old for me." + +"You might have found out that at the start--he was only six months +younger then." + +"There's a great many things I might have done at the start," said Ellen +bitterly--"but I tell you, Joanna, life isn't quite the simple thing you +imagine. There was I, married to a man utterly uncongenial--" + +"He wasn't! You're not to miscall Arthur--he's the best man alive." + +"I don't deny it--perhaps that is why I found him uncongenial. Anyhow, +we were quite unsuited to each other--we hadn't an idea in common." + +"You liked him well enough when you married him." + +"I've told you before that it's difficult to know anyone thoroughly till +one's lived with them." + +"Then at that rate, who's to get married--eh?" + +"I don't know," said Ellen wearily, "all I know is that I've made two +bad mistakes over two different men, and I think the least you can do is +to let me forget it--as far as I'm able--and not come here baiting me +when I'm dog tired, and absolutely down and out...." + +She bowed her face into her hands, and burst into tears. Joanna flung +her arms round her-- + +"Oh, don't you cry, duckie--don't--I didn't mean to bait you. Only I was +getting so mortal vexed at you and me walking round each other like two +cats and never getting a straight word." + +"Jo," ... said Ellen. + +Her face was hidden in her sister's shoulder, and her whole body had +drooped against Joanna's side, utterly weary after three days of travel +and disillusioned loneliness. + + +"Reckon I'm glad you've come back, dearie--and I won't ask you any more +questions. I'm a cross-grained, cantankerous old thing, but you'll stop +along of me a bit, won't you?" + +"Yes," said Ellen, "you're all I've got in the world." + +"Arthur ud take you back any day you ask it," said Joanna, thinking this +a good time for mediation. + +"No--no!" cried Ellen, beginning to cry again--"I won't stay if you try +to make me go back to Arthur. If he had the slightest feeling for me he +would let me divorce him." + +"How could you?--seeing that he's been a pattern all his life." + +"He needn't do anything wrong--he need only pretend to. The lawyers ud +fix it up." + +Ellen was getting French again. Joanna pushed her off her shoulder. + +"Really, Ellen Alce, I'm ashamed of you--that you should speak such +words! What upsets me most is that you don't seem to see how wrong +you've done. Don't you never read your Bible any more?" + +"No," sobbed Ellen. + +"Well, there's lots in the Bible about people like you--you're called by +your right name there, and it ain't a pretty one. Some are spoken +uncommon hard of, and some were forgiven because they loved much. +Seemingly you haven't loved much, so I don't see how you expect to be +forgiven. And there's lots in the Prayer Book too ... the Bible and the +Prayer Book both say you've done wrong, and you don't seem to mind--all +you think of is how you can get out of your trouble. Reckon you're like +a child that's done wrong and thinks of nothing but coaxing round so as +not to be punished." + +"I have been punished." + +"Not half what you deserve." + +"It's all very well for you to say that--you don't understand; and +what's more, you never will. You're a hard woman, Jo--because you've +never had the temptations that ordinary women have to fight against." + +"How dare you say that?--Temptation!--Reckon I know ..." A sudden memory +of those painful and humiliating moments when she had fought with those +strange powers and discontents, made Joanna turn hot with shame. The +realization that she had come very close to Ellen's sin in her heart did +not make her more relenting towards the sinner--on the contrary, she +hardened. + +"Anyways, I've said enough to you for to-night." + +"I hope you don't mean to say more to-morrow." + +"No--I don't know that I do. Reckon you're right, and we don't get any +good from 'having things out.' Seemingly we speak with different +tongues, and think with different hearts." + +She stood up, and her huge shadow sped over the ceiling, hanging over +Ellen as she crouched on the bed. Then she stalked out of the room, +almost majestic in her turkey-red dressing-gown. + + + + +§33 + +Ellen kept very close to the house during the next few days. Her face +wore a demure, sullen expression--towards Joanna she was quiet and +sweet, and evidently anxious that there should be no further opening of +hearts between them. She was very polite to the maids--she won their +good opinion by making her bed herself, so that they should not have any +extra work on her account. + +Perhaps it was this domestic good opinion which was at the bottom of the +milder turn which the gossip about her took at this time. Naturally +tongues had been busy ever since it became known that Joanna was +expecting her back--Sir Harry Trevor had got shut of her for the baggage +she was ... she had got shut of Sir Harry Trevor for the blackguard he +was ... she had travelled back as somebody's maid, to pay her fare ... +she had brought her own French maid as far as Calais ... she had walked +from Dover ... she had brought four trunks full of French clothes. These +conflicting rumours must have killed each other, for a few days after +her return the Woolpack was saying that after all there might be +something in Joanna's tale of a trip with Mrs. Williams--of course +everyone knew that both Ellen and the Old Squire had been at San Remo, +but now it was suddenly discovered that Mrs. Williams had been there +too--anyway, there was no knowing that she hadn't, and Ellen Alce didn't +look the sort that ud go to a furrin place alone with a man. Mrs. Vine +had seen her through the parlour window, and her face was as white as +chalk--not a scrap of paint on it. Mr. Southland had met her on the +Brodnyx Road, and she had bowed to him polite and stately--no shrinking +from an honest man's eye. According to the Woolpack, if you sinned as +Ellen was reported to have sinned, you were either brazen or thoroughly +ashamed of yourself, and Ellen, by being neither, did much to soften +public opinion, and make it incline towards the official explanation of +her absence. + +This tendency increased when it became known that Arthur Alce was +leaving Donkey Street. The Woolpack held that if Ellen had been guilty, +Alce would not put himself in the wrong by going away. He would either +have remained as the visible rebuke of her misconduct, or he would have +bundled Ellen herself off to some distant part of the kingdom, such as +the Isle of Wight, where the Goddens had cousins. By leaving the +neighbourhood he gave colour to the mysteriously-started rumour that he +was not so easy to get on with as you'd think ... after all, it's never +a safe thing for a girl to marry her sister's sweetheart ... probably +Alce had been hankering after his old love and Ellen resented it ... the +Woolpack suddenly discovered that Alce was leaving not so much on +Ellen's account as on Joanna's--he'd been unable to get off with the old +love, even when he'd got on with the new, and now that the new was off +too ... well, there was nothing for it but for Arthur Alce to be off. He +was going to his brother, who had a big farm in the shires--a proper +farm, with great fields each of which was nearly as big as a marsh farm, +fifty, seventy, a hundred acres even. + + + + +§34 + +Joanna bitterly resented Arthur's going, but she could not prevent it, +for if he stayed Ellen threatened to go herself. + +"I'll get a post as lady's-maid sooner than stay on here with you and +Arthur. Have you absolutely no delicacy, Jo?--Can't you see how awkward +it'll be for me if everywhere I go I run the risk of meeting him? +Besides, you'll be always plaguing me to go back to him, and I tell you +I'll never do that--never." + +Arthur, too, did not seem anxious to stay. He saw that if Ellen was at +Ansdore he could not be continually running to and fro on his errands +for Joanna. That tranquil life of service was gone, and he did not care +for the thought of exile at Donkey Street, a shutting of himself into +his parish of Old Romney, with the Kent Ditch between him and Joanna +like a prison wall. + +When Joanna told him what Ellen had said, he accepted it meekly-- + +"That's right, Joanna--I must go." + +"But that ull be terrible hard for you, Arthur." + +He looked at her. + +"Reckon it will." + +"Where ull you go?" + +"Oh, I can go to Tom's." + +"That's right away in the shires, ain't it?" + +"Yes--beyond Leicester." + +"Where they do the hunting." + +"Surelye." + +"What's the farm?" + +"Grain mostly--and he's done well with his sheep. He'd be glad to have +me for a bit." + +"What'll you do with Donkey Street?" + +"Let it off for a bit." + +"Don't you sell!" + +"Not I!" + +"You'll be meaning to come back?" + +"I'll be hoping." + +Joanna gazed at him for a few moments in silence, and a change came into +her voice-- + +"Arthur, you're doing all this because of me." + +"I'm doing it for you, Joanna." + +"Well--I don't feel I've any call--I haven't any right.... I mean, if +Ellen don't like you here, she must go herself ... it ain't fair on +you--you at Donkey Street for more'n twenty year ..." + +"Don't you trouble about that. A change won't hurt me. Reckon either +Ellen or me ull have to go and it ud break your heart if it was Ellen." + +"Why can't you both stay? Ellen ull have to stay if I make her. I don't +believe a word of what she says about going as lady's maid--she hasn't +got the grit--nor the character neither, though she doesn't seem to +think of that." + +"It ud be unaccountable awkward, Jo--and it ud set Ellen against both of +us, and bring you trouble. Maybe if I go she'll take a different view of +things. I shan't let off the place for longer than three year ... it'll +give her a chance to think different, and then maybe we can fix up +something...." + +Joanna fastened on to these words, both for her own comfort in Arthur's +loss, and for the quieting of her conscience, which told her that it was +preposterous that he should leave Donkey Street so that she could keep +Ellen at Ansdore. Of course, if she did her duty she would pack Ellen +off to the Isle of Wight, so that Arthur could stay. The fact was, +however, that she wanted the guilty, ungracious Ellen more than she +wanted the upright, devoted Arthur--she was glad to know of any terms on +which her sister would consent to remain under her roof--it seemed +almost too good to be true, to think that once more she had the little +sister home.... + +So she signed the warrant for Arthur's exile, which was to do so much to +spread the more favourable opinion of Ellen Alce that had mysteriously +crept into being since her return. He let off Donkey Street on a three +years' lease to young Jim Honisett, the greengrocer's son at Rye, who +had recently married and whose wish to set up as farmer would naturally +be to the advantage of his father's shop. He let his furniture with it +too.... He himself would take nothing to his brother, who kept house in +a very big way, the same as he farmed.... "Reckon I should ought to +learn a thing or two about grain-growing that'll be useful to me when I +come back," said Arthur stoutly. + +He had come to say good-bye to Joanna on a June evening just before the +quarter day. The hot scents of hay-making came in through the open +parlour window, and they were free, for Ellen had gone with Mr. and Mrs. +Southland to Rye for the afternoon--of late she had accepted one or two +small invitations from the neighbours. Joanna poured Arthur out a cup of +tea from the silver teapot he had given her as a wedding present six +years ago. + +"Well, Arthur--reckon it'll be a long time before you and me have tea +again together." + +"Reckon it will." + +"Howsumever, I shall always think of you when I pour it out of your +teapot--which will be every day that I don't have it in the kitchen." + +"Thank you, Jo." + +"And you'll write and tell me how you're getting on?" + +"Reckon I will." + +"Maybe you'll send me some samples of those oats your brother did so +well with. I'm not over pleased with that Barbacklaw, and ud make a +change if I could find better." + +"I'll be sure and send." + +Joanna told him of an inspiration she had had with regard to the poorer +innings of Great Ansdore--she was going to put down fish-guts for +manure--it had done wonders with some rough land over by Botolph's +Bridge--"Reckon it'll half stink the tenants out, but they're at the +beginning of a seven years lease, so they can't help themselves much." +She held forth at great length, and Arthur listened, holding his cup and +saucer carefully on his knee with his big freckled hands. His eyes were +fixed on Joanna, on the strong-featured, high-coloured face he thought +so much more beautiful than Ellen's with its delicate lines and pale, +petal-like skin.... Yes, Joanna was the girl all along--the one for +looks, the one for character--give him Joanna every time, with her red +and brown face, and thick brown hair, and her high, deep bosom, and +sturdy, comfortable waist ... why couldn't he have had Joanna, instead +of what he'd got, which was nothing? For the first time in his life +Arthur Alce came near to questioning the ways of Providence. Reckon it +was the last thing he would ever do for her--this going away. He wasn't +likely to come back, though he did talk of it, just to keep up their +spirits. He would probably settle down in the shires--go into +partnership with his brother--run a bigger place than Donkey Street, +than Ansdore even. + +"Well, I must be going now. There's still a great lot of things to be +tidied up." + +He rose, awkwardly setting down his cup. Joanna rose too. The sunset, +rusty with the evening sea-mist, poured over her goodly form as she +stood against the window, making its outlines dim and fiery and her hair +like a burning crown. + +"I shall miss you, Arthur." + +He did not speak, and she held out her hand. + +"Good-bye." + +He could not say it--instead he pulled her towards him by the hand he +held. + +"Jo--I must." + +"Arthur--no!" + +But it was too late--he had kissed her. + +"That's the first time you done it," she said reproachfully. + +"Because it's the last. You aren't angry, are you?" + +"I?--no. But, Arthur, you mustn't forget you're married to Ellen." + +"Am I like to forget it?--And seeing all the dunnamany kisses she's +given to another man, reckon she won't grudge me this one poor kiss I've +given the woman I've loved without clasp or kiss for fifteen years." + +For the first time she heard in his voice both bitterness and passion, +and at that moment the man himself seemed curiously to come alive and to +compel.... But Joanna was not going to dally with temptation in the +unaccustomed shape of Arthur Alce. She pushed open the door. + +"Have they brought round Ranger?--Hi! Peter Crouch!--Yes, there he is. +You'll have a good ride home, Arthur." + +"But there'll be rain to-morrow." + +"I don't think it. The sky's all red at the rims." + +"The wind's shifted." + +Joanna moistened her finger and held it up-- + +"So it has. But the glass is high. Reckon it'll hold off till you're in +the shires, and then our weather won't trouble you." + +She watched him ride off, standing in the doorway till the loops of the +Brodnyx road carried him into the rusty fog that was coming from the +sea. + + + + + + +_PART IV_ + +LAST LOVE + + + + +§1 + +Time passed on, healing the wounds of the Marsh. At Donkey Street, the +neighbours were beginning to get used to young Honisett and his bride, +at Rye and Lydd and Romney the farmers had given up expecting Arthur +Alce to come round the corner on his grey horse, with samples of wheat +or prices of tegs. At Ansdore, too, the breach was healed. Joanna and +Ellen lived quietly together, sharing their common life without +explosions. Joanna had given up all idea of "having things out" with +Ellen. There was always a bit of pathos about Joanna's surrenders, and +in this case Ellen had certainly beaten her. It was rather difficult to +say exactly to what the younger sister owed her victory, but undoubtedly +she had won it, and their life was in a measure based upon it. Joanna +accepted her sister--past and all; she accepted her little calm +assumptions of respectability together with those more expected +tendencies towards the "French." When Ellen had first come back, she had +been surprised and resentful to see how much she took for granted in the +way of acceptance, not only from Joanna but from the neighbours. +According to her ideas, Ellen should have kept in shamed seclusion till +public opinion called her out of it, and she had been alarmed at her +assumptions, fearing rebuff, just as she had almost feared heaven's +lightning stroke for that demure little figure in her pew on Sunday, +murmuring "Lord have mercy" without tremor or blush. + +But heaven had not smitten and the neighbours had not snubbed. In some +mysterious way Ellen had won acceptance from the latter, whatever her +secret relations with the former may have been. The stories about her +grew ever more and more charitable. The Woolpack pronounced that Arthur +Alce would not have gone away "if it had been all on her side," and it +was now certainly known that Mrs. Williams had been at San Remo.... +Ellen's manner was found pleasing--"quiet but affable." Indeed, in this +respect she had much improved. The Southlands took her up, forgiving her +treatment of their boy, now comfortably married to the daughter of a big +Folkestone shopkeeper. They found her neither brazen nor shamefaced--and +she'd been as shocked as any honest woman at Lady Mountain's trial in +the Sunday papers ... if folk only knew her real story, they'd probably +find.... + +In fact, Ellen was determined to get her character back. + +She knew within herself that she owed a great deal to Joanna's +protection--for Joanna was the chief power in the parishes of Brodnyx +and Pedlinge, both personally and territorially. Ellen had been wise +beyond the wisdom of despair when she came home. She was not unhappy in +her life at Ansdore, for her escapade had given her a queer advantage +over her sister, and she now found that she could to a certain extent, +mould the household routine to her comfort. She was no longer entirely +dominated, and only a small amount of independence was enough to satisfy +her, a born submitter, to whom contrivance was more than rule. She +wanted only freedom for her tastes and pleasures, and Joanna did not now +strive to impose her own upon her. Occasionally the younger woman +complained of her lot, bound to a man whom she no longer cared for, +wearing only the fetters of her wifehood--she still hankered after a +divorce, though Arthur must be respondent. This always woke Joanna to +rage, but Ellen's feelings did not often rise to the surface, and on the +whole the sisters were happy in their life together--more peaceful +because they were more detached than in the old days. Ellen invariably +wore black, hoping that strangers and newcomers would take her for a +widow. + +This she actually became towards the close of the year 1910. Arthur did +a fair amount of hunting with his brother in the shires, and one day his +horse came down at a fence, throwing him badly and fracturing his skull. +He died the same night without regaining consciousness--death had +treated him better on the whole than life, for he died without pain or +indignity, riding to hounds like any squire. He left a comfortable +little fortune, too--Donkey Street and its two hundred acres--and he +left it all to Joanna. + +Secretly he had made his will anew soon after going to the shires, and +in it he had indulged himself, ignoring reality and perhaps duty. +Evidently he had had no expectations of a return to married life with +Ellen, and in this new testament he ignored her entirely, as if she had +not been. Joanna was his wife, inheriting all that was his, of land and +money and live and dead stock--"My true, trusty friend, Joanna Godden." + +Ellen was furious, and Joanna herself was a little shocked. She +understood Arthur's motives--she guessed that one of his reasons for +passing over Ellen had been his anxiety to leave her sister dependent on +her, knowing her fear that she would take flight. But this exaltation of +her by his death to the place she had refused to occupy during his life, +gave her a queer sense of smart and shame. For the first time it struck +her that she might not have treated Arthur quite well.... + +However, she did not sympathize with Ellen's indignation-- + +"You shouldn't ought to have expected a penny, the way you treated him." + +"I don't see why he shouldn't have left me at least some furniture, +seeing there was about five hundred pounds of my money in that farm. +He's done rather well out of me on the whole--making me no allowance +whatever when he was alive." + +"Because I wouldn't let him make it--I've got some pride if you +haven't." + +"Your pride doesn't stop you taking what ought to have been mine." + +"'Ought to'.... I never heard such words. Not that I'm pleased he should +make it all over to me, but it ain't my doing." + +Ellen looked at her fixedly out of her eyes which were like the shallow +floods. + +"Are you quite sure? Are you quite sure, Joanna, that you honestly +played a sister's part by me while I was away?" + +"What d'you mean?" + +"I mean, Arthur seems to have got a lot fonder of you while I was away +than he--er--seemed to be before." + +Joanna gaped at her. + +"Of course it was only natural," continued Ellen smoothly--"I know I +treated him badly--but don't you think you needn't have taken advantage +of that?" + +"Well, I'm beat ... look here, Ellen ... that man was mine from the +first, and I gave him over to you, and I never took him back nor wanted +him, neither." + +"How generous of you, Jo, to have 'given him over' to me." + +A little maddening smile twisted the corners of her mouth, and Joanna +remembered that now Arthur was dead and there was no hope of Ellen going +back to him she need not spare her secret. + +"Yes, I gave him to you," she said bluntly--"I saw you wanted him, and I +didn't want him myself, so I said to him 'Arthur, look here, you take +her'--and he said to me--'I'd sooner have you, Jo'--but I said 'you +won't have me even if you wait till the moon's cheese, so there's no +good hoping for that. You take the little sister and please me'--and he +said 'I'll do it to please you, Jo.' That's the very thing that +happened, and I'm sorry it happened now--and I never told you before, +because I thought it ud put you against him, and I wanted you to go back +to him, being his wife; but now he's dead, and you may as well know, +seeing the upstart notions you've got." + +She looked fiercely at Ellen, to watch the effect of the blow, but was +disconcerted to see that the little maddening smile still lingered. +There were dimples at the flexing corners of her sister's mouth, and now +they were little wells of disbelieving laughter. Ellen did not believe +her--she had told her long-guarded secret and her sister did not believe +it. She thought it just something Joanna had made up to salve her +pride--and nothing would ever make her believe it, for she was a woman +who had been loved and knew that she was well worth loving. + + + + +§2 + +Both Ellen and Joanna were a little afraid that Arthur's treatment of +his widow might disestablish her in public opinion. People would think +that she must have behaved unaccountable badly to be served out like +that. But the effects were not so disastrous as might have been +expected. Ellen, poor and forlorn, in her graceful weeds, without +complaining or resentful words, soon won the neighbours' compassion. It +wasn't right of Alce to have treated her so--showed an unforgiving +nature--if only the real story could be known, most likely folks would +see.... There was also a mild scandal at his treatment of Joanna. "Well, +even if he loved her all the time when he was married to her sister, he +needn't have been so brazen about it.... Always cared for Joanna more'n +he ought and showed it more'n he ought." + +Joanna was not worried by these remarks--she brushed them aside. Her +character was gossip-proof, whereas Ellen's was not, therefore it was +best that the stones should be thrown at her rather than at her sister. +She at once went practically to work with Donkey Street. She did not +wish to keep it--it was too remote from Ansdore to be easily workable, +and she was content with her own thriving estate. She sold Donkey Street +with all its stock, and decided to lay out the money in improvements of +her land. She would drain the waterlogged innings by the Kent Ditch, she +would buy a steam plough and make the neighbourhood sit up--she would +start cattle-breeding. She had no qualms in thus spending the money on +the farm, instead of on Ellen. Her sister rather plaintively pointed out +that the invested capital would have brought her in a comfortable small +income--"and then I needn't be such a burden to you, Joanna, dear." + +"You ain't a burden to me," said Joanna. + +She could not bear to think of Ellen's becoming independent and leaving +her. But Ellen was far better contented with her life at home than she +wisely let it appear. Ansdore was a manor now--the largest estate not +only in Brodnyx and Pedlinge, but on Walland Marsh; indeed the whole of +the Three Marshes had little to beat it with. Moreover, Ellen was +beginning to get her own way in the house--her bedroom was no longer a +compulsory bower of roses, but softly cream-coloured and purple-hung. +She had persuaded Joanna to have a bathroom fitted up, with hot and cold +water and other glories, and though she had been unable to induce her to +banish her father's Bible and the stuffed owls from the parlour, she had +been allowed to supplement--and practically annihilate--them with the +notorious black cushions from Donkey Street. Joanna was a little proud +to have these famous decorations on the premises, to be indoors what her +yellow waggons were outdoors, symbols of daring and progress. + +On the whole, this substantial house, with its wide lands, respectable +furniture and swarming servants, was one to be proud of. Ellen's +position as Squire Joanna Godden's sister was much better than if she +were living by herself in some small place on a small income. Her brief +adventure into what she thought was a life of fashionable gaiety had +discouraged and disillusioned her--she was slowly slipping back into the +conventions of her class and surroundings. Ansdore was no longer either +a prison or a refuge, it was beginning to be a home--not permanent, of +course, for she was now a free woman and would marry again, but a good +home to rest in and re-establish herself. + +Thanks to Ellen's contrivance and to the progress of Joanna's own +ambition--rising out of its fulfilment in the sphere of the material +into the sphere of style and manners--the sisters now lived the lives of +two well-to-do ladies. They had late dinner every night--only soup and +meat and pudding, still definitely neither supper nor high tea. Joanna +changed for it into smart, stiff silk blouses, with a great deal of lace +and guipure about them, while Ellen wore a rest-gown of drifting black +charmeuse. Mene Tekel was promoted from the dairy to be Ansdore's first +parlourmaid, and wore a cap and apron, and waited at table. Ellen would +have liked to keep Mene Tekel in her place and engage a smart town +girl, whose hands were not the colour of beetroots and whose breathing +could not be heard through a closed door; but Joanna stood firm--Mene +had been her faithful servant for more than seven years, and it wasn't +right that she should have a girl from the town promoted over her. +Besides, Joanna did not like town girls--with town speech that rebuked +her own, and white hands that made her want to put her own large brown +ones under the table. + + + + +§3 + +Early the next year Mr. Pratt faded out. He could not be said to have +done anything so dramatic as to die, though the green marsh-turf of +Brodnyx churchyard was broken to make him a bed, and the little bell +rocked in the bosom of the drunken Victorian widow who was Brodnyx +church steeple, sending a forlorn note out over the Marsh. Various aunts +in various stages of resigned poverty bore off his family to separate +destinations, and the great Rectory house which had for so long mocked +his two hundred a year, stood empty, waiting to swallow up its next +victim. + +Only in Joanna Godden's breast did any stir remain. For her at least the +fading out of Mr. Pratt had been drama, the final scene of her +importance; for it was now her task to appoint his successor in the +living of Brodnyx with Pedlinge. Ever since she had found out that she +could not get rid of Mr. Pratt she had been in terror lest this crowning +triumph might be denied her, and the largeness of her funeral wreath and +the lavishness of her mourning--extinguishing all the relations in their +dyed blacks--had testified to the warmth of her gratitude to the late +rector for so considerately dying. + +She felt exceedingly important, and the feeling was increased by the +applications she received for the living. Clergymen wrote from different +parts of the country; they told her that they were orthodox--as if she +had imagined a clergyman could be otherwise--that they were acceptable +preachers, that they were good with Boy Scouts. One or two she +interviewed and disliked, because they had bad teeth or large +families--one or two turned the tables on her and refused to have +anything to do with a living encumbered by so large a rectory and so +small an endowment. Joanna felt insulted, though she was not responsible +for either. She resolved not to consider any applicants, but to make her +own choice outside their ranks. This was a difficult matter, for her +sphere was hardly clerical, and she knew no clergy except those on the +Marsh. None of these she liked, because they were for the most part +elderly and went about on bicycles--also she wanted to dazzle her +society with a new importation. + +The Archdeacon wrote to her, suggesting that she might be glad of some +counsel in filling the vacancy, and giving her the names of two men whom +he thought suitable. Joanna was furious--she would brook no interference +from Archdeacons, and wrote the gentleman a letter which must have been +unique in his archidiaconal experience. All the same she began to feel +worried--she was beginning to doubt if she had the same qualifications +for choosing a clergyman as she had for choosing a looker or a +dairy-girl. She knew the sort of man she liked as a man, and more +vaguely the sort of man she liked as a parson, she also was +patriotically anxious to find somebody adequate to the honours and +obligations of the living. Nobody she saw or heard of seemed to come up +to her double standard of man and minister, and she was beginning to +wonder to what extent she could compromise her pride by writing--not to +the Archdeacon, but over his head to the Bishop--when she saw in the +local paper that Father Lawrence, of the Society of Sacred Pity, was +preaching a course of sermons in Marlingate. + +Immediately memories came back to her, so far and pale that they were +more like the memories of dreams than of anything which had actually +happened. She saw a small dark figure standing with its back to the +awakening light and bidding godspeed to all that was vital and beautiful +and more-than-herself in her life.... "Go, Christian soul"--while she in +the depths of her broken heart had cried "Stay, stay!" But he had obeyed +the priest rather than the lover, he had gone and not stayed ... and +afterwards the priest had tried to hold him for her in futurity--"think +of Martin, pray for Martin," but the lover had let him slip, because she +could not think and dared not pray, and he had fallen back from her into +his silent home in the past. + +The old wound could still hurt, for a moment it seemed as if her whole +body was pain because of it. Successful, important, thriving Joanna +Godden could still suffer because eight years ago she had not been +allowed to make the sacrifice of all that she now held so triumphantly. +This mere name of Martin's brother had pricked her heart, and she +suddenly wanted to get closer to the past than she could get with her +memorial-card and photograph and tombstone. Even Sir Harry Trevor, +ironic link with faithful love, was gone now--there was only Lawrence. +She would like to see him--not to talk to him of Martin, she couldn't +bear that, and there would be something vaguely improper about it--but +he was a clergyman, for all he disguised the fact by calling himself a +priest, and she would offer him the living of Brodnyx with Pedlinge and +let the neighbourhood sit up as much as it liked. + + + + +§4 + +Father Lawrence came to see her one April day when the young lambs were +bleating on the sheltered innings and making bright clean spots of white +beside the ewes' fog-soiled fleeces, when the tegs had come down from +their winter keep inland, and the sunset fell in long golden slats +across the first water-green grass of spring. The years had aged him +more than they had aged Joanna--the marks on her face were chiefly +weather marks, tokens of her exposure to marsh suns and winds, and of +her own ruthless applications of yellow soap. Behind them was a little +of the hardness which comes when a woman has to fight many battles and +has won her victories largely through the sacrifice of her resources. +The lines on his face were mostly those of his own humour and other +people's sorrows, he had exposed himself perhaps not enough to the +weather and too much to the world, so that where she had fine lines and +a fundamental hardness, he had heavy lines like the furrows of a +ploughshare, and a softness beneath them like the fruitful soil that the +share turns up. + +Joanna received him in state, with Arthur Alce's teapot and her best +pink silk blouse with the lace insertion. Ellen, for fairly obvious +reasons, preferred not to be present. Joanna was terrified lest he +should begin to talk of Martin, so after she had conformed to local +etiquette by inquiring after his health and abusing the weather, she +offered him the living of Brodnyx with Pedlinge and a slice of cake +almost in the same breath. + +She was surprised and a little hurt when he refused the former. As a +member of a religious community he could not hold preferment, and he had +no vocation to settled Christianity. + +"I shouldn't be at all good as a country clergyman. Besides, Jo"--he had +at once slipped into the brotherliness of their old relations--"I know +you; you wouldn't like my ways. You'd always be up at me, teaching me +better, and then I should be up at you, and possibly we shouldn't stay +quite such good friends as we are now." + +"I shouldn't mind your ways. Reckon it might do the folks round here a +proper lot of good to be prayed over same as you--I mean I'd like to see +a few of 'em prayed over when they were dying and couldn't help +themselves. Serve them right, I say, for not praying when they're alive, +and some who won't put their noses in church except for a harvest +thanksgiving. No, if you'll only come here, Lawrence, you may do what +you like in the way of prayers and such. I shan't interfere as long as +you don't trouble us with the Pope, whom I never could abide after all +I've heard of him, wanting to blow up the Established Church in London, +and making people kiss his toe, which I'd never do, not if he was to +burn me alive." + +"Well, if that's the only limit to your toleration I think I could help +you, even though I can't come myself. I know one or two excellent +priests who would do endless good in a place like this." + +Joanna suddenly felt her imagination gloat and kindle at the thought of +Brodnyx and Pedlinge compelled to holiness--all those wicked old men who +wouldn't go to church, but expected their Christmas puddings just the +same, those hobbledehoys who loafed against gate-posts the whole of +Sunday, those vain hussies who giggled behind their handkerchiefs all +the service through--it would be fine to see them hustled about and +taught their manners ... it would be valiant sport to see them made to +behave, as Mr. Pratt had never been able to make them. She with her +half-crown in the plate and her quarterly communion need have no qualms, +and she would enjoy seeing the fear of God put into other folk. + +So Lawrence's visit was fruitful after all--a friend of his had been +ordered to give up his hard work in a slum parish and find a country +vocation. He promised that this friend should write to Joanna. + +"But I must see him, too," she said. + +They were standing at the open door, and the religious in his black +habit was like a cut paper silhouette against the long streaks of fading +purple cloud. + +"I remember," he said, "that you always were particular about a man's +looks. How Martin's must have delighted you!" + +His tongue did not falter over the loved, forbidden name--he spoke it +quite naturally and conversationally, as if glad that he could introduce +it at last into their business. + +Joanna's body stiffened, but he did not see it, for he was gazing at the +young creeper's budding trail over the door. + +"I hope you have a good photograph of him," he continued--"I know that a +very good photograph was taken of him a year before he died--much better +than any of the earlier ones. I hope you have one of those." + +"Yes, I have," said Joanna gruffly. From shock she had passed into a +thrilling anger. How calmly he had spoken the dear name, how +unblushingly he had said the outrageous word "died!" How brazen, +thoughtless, cruel he was about it all!--tearing the veil from her +sorrow, talking as if her dead lived ... she felt exposed, indecent, and +she hated him, all the more because mixed with her hatred was a kind of +disapproving envy, a resentment that he should be free to remember +where she was bound to forget.... + +He saw her hand clench slowly at her side, and for the first time became +aware of her state of mind. + +"Good-bye, Jo," he said kindly--"I'll tell Father Palmer to write to +you." + +"Thanks, but I don't promise to take him," was her ungracious fling. + +"No--why should you? And of course he may have already made his plans. +Good-bye, and thank you for your great kindness in offering the living +to me--it was very noble of you, considering what your family has +suffered from mine." + +He had carefully avoided all reference to his father, but he now +realized that he had kept the wrong silence. It was the man who had +brought her happiness, not the man who had brought her shame, that she +was unable to speak of. + +"Oh, don't you think of that--it wasn't your doing"--she melted towards +him now she had a genuine cause for indignation--"and we've come through +it better than we hoped, and some of us deserved." + +Lawrence gave her an odd smile, which made his face with its innumerable +lines and pouches look rather like a gargoyle's. Then he walked off +bare-headed into the twilight. + + + + +§5 + +Ellen was intensely relieved when she heard that he had refused the +living, and a little indignant with Joanna for having offered it to him. + +"You don't seem to realize how very awkward it would have been for me--I +don't want to have anything more to do with that family." + +"I daresay not," said Joanna grimly, "but that ain't no reason why this +parish shouldn't have a good parson. Lawrence ud have made the people +properly mind their ways. And it ain't becoming in you, Ellen Alce, to +let your own misdoings stand between folk and what's good for 'em." + +Ellen accepted the rebuke good-humouredly. She had grown more mellow of +late, and was settling into her life at Ansdore as she had never settled +since she went to school. She relished her widowed state, for it +involved the delectable business of looking about for a second husband. +She was resolved to act with great deliberation. This time there should +be no hustling into matrimony. It seemed to her now as if that +precipitate taking of Arthur Alce had been at the bottom of all her +troubles; she had been only a poor little schoolgirl, a raw contriver, +hurling herself out of the frying-pan of Ansdore's tyranny into the fire +of Donkey Street's dullness. She knew better now--besides, the increased +freedom and comfort of her conditions did not involve the same urgency +of escape. + +She made up her mind that she would not take anyone of the farming +classes; this time she would marry a gentleman--but a decent sort. She +did not enjoy all her memories of Sir Harry Trevor. She would not take +up with that kind of man again, any more than with a dull fellow like +poor Arthur. + +She had far better opportunities than in the old days. The exaltation of +Ansdore from farm to manor had turned many keys, and Joanna now received +calls from doctors' and clergymen's wives, who had hitherto ignored her +except commercially. It was at Fairfield Vicarage that Ellen met the +wife of a major at Lydd camp, and through her came to turn the heads of +various subalterns. The young officers from Lydd paid frequent visits to +Ansdore, which was a novelty to both the sisters, who hitherto had had +no dealings with military society. Ellen was far too prudent to engage +herself to any of these boys; she waited for a major or a captain at +least. But she enjoyed their society, and knew that their visits gave +her consequence in the neighbourhood. She was invariably discreet in her +behaviour, and was much reproached by them for her coldness, which they +attributed to Joanna, who watched over her like a dragon, convinced that +the moment she relaxed her guard her sister would inevitably return to +her wicked past. + +Ellen would have felt sore and insulted if she had not the comfort of +knowing in her heart that Joanna was secretly envious--a little hurt +that these personable young men came to Ansdore for Ellen alone. They +liked Joanna, in spite of her interference; they said she was a good +sort, and spoke of her among themselves as "the old girl" and "Joanna +God-dam." But none of them thought of turning from Ellen to her +sister--she was too weather-beaten for them, too big and +bouncing--over-ripe. Ellen, pale as a flower, with wide lips like +rose-leaves and narrow, brooding eyes, with her languor, and faint +suggestions of the exotic, all the mystery with which fate had chosen to +veil the common secret which was Ellen Alce.... She could now have the +luxury of pitying her sister, of seeing herself possessed of what her +tyrant Joanna had not, and longed for.... Slowly she was gaining the +advantage, her side of the wheel was mounting while Joanna's went down; +in spite of the elder woman's success and substance the younger was +unmistakably winning ascendancy over her. + + + + +§6 + +Her pity made her kind. She no longer squabbled, complained or resented. +She took Joanna's occasionally insulting behaviour in good part. She +even wished that she would marry--not one of the subalterns, for they +were not her sort, but some decent small squire or parson. When the new +rector first came to Brodnyx she had great hopes of fixing a match +between him and Jo--for Ellen was now so respectable that she had become +a match-maker. But she was disappointed--indeed, they both were, for +Joanna had liked the looks of Mr. Pratt's successor, and though she did +not go so far as to dream of matrimony--which was still below her +horizons--she would have much appreciated his wooing. + +But it soon became known that the new rector had strange views on the +subject of clerical marriage--in fact, he shocked his patron in many +ways. He was a large, heavy, pale-faced young man, with strange, sleek +qualities that appealed to her through their unaccustomedness. But he +was scarcely a sleek man in office, and under his drawling, lethargic +manner there was an energy that struck her as shocking and out of +place. He was like Lawrence, speaking forbidden words and of hidden +things. In church he preached embarrassing perfections--she could no +longer feel that she had attained the limits of churchmanship with her +weekly half-crown and her quarterly communion. He turned her young +people's heads with strange glimpses of beauty and obligation. + +In fact, poor Joanna was deprived of the spectacle she had looked +forward to with such zest--that of a parish made to amend itself while +she looked on from the detachment of her own high standard. She was made +to feel just as uncomfortable as any wicked old man or giggling +hussy.... She was all the more aggrieved because, though Mr. Palmer had +displeased her, she could not get rid of him as she would have got rid +of her looker in the same circumstances. "If I take a looker and he +don't please me I can sack him--the gal I engage I can get shut of at a +month's warning, but a parson seemingly is the only kind you can put in +and not put out." + +Then to crown all, he took away the Lion and the Unicorn from their +eternal dance above the Altar of God, and in their place he put tall +candles, casting queer red gleams into daylight.... Joanna could bear no +more; she swallowed the pride which for the first few months of +innovation had made her treat the new rector merely with distant +rudeness, and descended upon him in the three rooms of Brodnyx Rectory +which he inhabited with cheerful contempt for the rest of its howling +vastness. + +She emerged from the encounter strangely subdued. Mr. Palmer had been +polite, even sympathetic, but he had plainly shown her the indifference +(to use no cruder term) that he felt for her as an ecclesiastical +authority. He was not going to put the Lion and the Unicorn back in +their old place, they belonged to a bygone age which was now forgotten, +to a bad old language which had lost its meaning. The utmost he would do +was to consent to hang them up over the door, so that they could bless +Joanna's going out and coming in. With this she had to be content. + +Poor Joanna! The episode was more than a passing outrage and +humiliation--it was ominous, it gave her a queer sense of downfall. +With her beloved symbol something which was part of herself seemed also +to have been dispossessed. She became conscious that she was losing +authority. She realized that for long she had been weakening in regard +to Ellen, and now she was unable to stand up to this heavy, sleek young +man whom her patronage had appointed.... The Lion and the Unicorn had +from childhood been her sign of power--they were her theology in +oleograph, they stood for the Church of England as by law established, +large rectory houses, respectable and respectful clergymen, "dearly +beloved brethren" on Sunday mornings, and a nice nap after dinner. And +now they were gone, and in their place was a queer Jesuitry of kyries +and candles, and a gospel which kicked and goaded and would not allow +one to sleep.... + + + + +§7 + +It began to be noticed at the Woolpack that Joanna was losing heart. +"She's lost her spring," they said in the bar--"she's got all she +wanted, and now she's feeling dull"--"she's never had what she wanted +and now she's feeling tired"--"her sister's beat her and parson's beat +her--she can't be properly herself." There was some talk about making +her an honorary member of the Farmers' Club, but it never got beyond +talk--the traditions of that exclusive body were too strong to admit her +even now. + +To Joanna it seemed as if life had newly and powerfully armed itself +against her. Her love for Ellen was making her soft, she was letting her +sister rule. And not only at home but abroad she was losing her power. +Both Church and State had taken to themselves new arrogances. The Church +had lost its comfortable atmosphere of Sunday beef--and now the State, +which hitherto had existed only for that most excellent purpose of +making people behave themselves, had lifted itself up against Joanna +Godden. + +Lloyd George's Finance Act had caught her in its toils, she was being +overwhelmed with terrible forms and schedules, searching into her +profits, making strange inquiries as to minerals, muddling her with long +words. Then out of all the muddle and welter finally emerged the +startling fact that the Government expected to have twenty per cent. of +her profits on the sale of Donkey Street. + +She was indignant and furious. She considered that the Government had +been grossly treacherous, unjust, and disrespectful to poor Arthur's +memory. It was Arthur who had done so well with his land that she had +been able to sell it to Honisett at such a valiant price. She had spent +all the money on improvements, too--she was not like some people who +bought motor-cars and took trips to Paris. She had not bought a +motor-car but a motor-plough, the only one in the district--the +Government could come and see it themselves if they liked. It was well +worth looking at. + +Thus she delivered herself to young Edward Huxtable, who now managed his +father's business at Rye. + +"But I'm afraid it's all fair and square, Miss Joanna," said her +lawyer--"there's no doubt about the land's value or what you sold it +for, and I don't see that you are entitled to any exemption." + +"Why not?--If I'm not entitled, who is?" + +Joanna sat looking very large and flushed in the Huxtable office in +Watchbell Street. She felt almost on the verge of tears, for it seemed +to her that she was the victim of the grossest injustice which also +involved the grossest disrespect to poor Arthur, who would turn in his +grave if he knew that the Government were trying to take his legacy from +her. + +"What are lawyers for?" she continued hotly. "You can turn most things +inside out--why can't you do this? Can't I go to County Court about it?" + +Edward Huxtable consulted the Act.... "'Notice of objection may be +served on the Commissioners within sixty days. If they do not allow the +objection, the petitioner may appeal to a referee under the Act, and an +appeal by either the petitioner or the Commissioners lies from the +referee to the High Court, or where the site value does not exceed £500, +to the County Court.' I suppose yours is worth more than £500?" + +"I should just about think it is--it's worth something more like five +thousand if the truth was known." + +"Well, I shouldn't enlarge on that. Do you think it worth while to +serve an objection? No doubt there are grounds on which we could appeal, +but they aren't very good, and candidly I think we'd lose. It would cost +you a great deal of money, too, before you'd finished." + +"I don't care about that. I'm not going to sit down quiet and have my +rightful belongings taken from me." + +Edward Huxtable considered that he had done his duty in warning +Joanna--lots of lawyers wouldn't have troubled to do that--and after all +the old girl had heaps of money to lose. She might as well have her fun +and he his fee. + +"Well, anyhow we'll go as far as the Commissioners. If I were you, I +shouldn't apply for total exemption, but for a rebate. We might do +something with allowances. Let me see, what did you sell for?"... + +He finally prepared an involved case, partly depending on the death +duties that had already been paid when Joanna inherited Alce's farm, and +which he said ought to be considered in calculating increment value. +Joanna would not have confessed for worlds that she did not understand +the grounds of her appeal, though she wished Edward Huxtable would let +her make at least some reference to her steam tractor, and thus win her +victory on moral grounds, instead of just through some lawyer's mess. +But, moral appeal or lawyer's mess, her case should go to the +Commissioners, and if necessary to the High Court. Just because she knew +that in her own home and parish the fighting spirit was failing her, +Joanna resolved to fight this battle outside it without counting the +cost. + + + + +§8 + +That autumn she had her first twinge of rheumatism. The days of the +marsh ague were over, but the dread "rheumatiz" still twisted +comparatively young bones. Joanna had escaped till a later age than +many, for her work lay mostly in dry kitchens and bricked yards, and she +had had little personal contact with the soil, that odorous sponge of +the marsh earth, rank with the soakings of sea-fogs and land-fogs. + +Like most healthy people, she made a tremendous fuss once she was laid +up. Mene Tekel and Mrs. Tolhurst were kept flying up and down stairs +with hot bricks and poultices and that particularly noxious brew of +camomile tea which she looked upon as the cure of every ill. Ellen would +come now and then and sit on her bed, and wander round the room playing +with Joanna's ornaments--she wore a little satisfied smile on her face, +and about her was a queer air of restlessness and contentment which +baffled and annoyed her sister. + +The officers from Lydd did not now come so often to Ansdore. Ellen's +most constant visitor at this time was the son of the people who had +taken Great Ansdore dwelling-house. Tip Ernley had just come back from +Australia; he did not like colonial life and was looking round for +something to do at home. He was a county cricketer, an exceedingly +nice-looking young man, and his people were a good sort of people, an +old West Sussex family fallen into straightened circumstances. + +On his account Joanna came downstairs sooner than she ought. She could +not get rid of her distrust of Ellen, the conviction that once her +sister was left to herself she would be up to all sorts of mischief. +Ellen had behaved impossibly once and therefore, according to Joanna, +there was no guarantee that she would not go on behaving impossibly to +the end of time. So she came down to play the dragon to Tip Ernley as +she had played the dragon to the young lieutenants of the summer. There +was not much for her to do--she saw at once that the boy was different +from the officers, a simple-minded creature, strong, gentle and +clean-living, with deferential eyes and manners. Joanna liked him at +first sight, and relented. They had tea together, and a game of +three-handed bridge afterwards--Ellen had taught her sister to play +bridge. + +Then as the evening wore on, and the mists crept up from the White Kemp +Sewer to muffle the windows of Ansdore and make Joanna's bones twinge +and ache, she knew that she had come down too late. These young people +had had time enough to settle their hearts' business in a little less +than a week, and Joanna God-dam could not scare them apart. Of course +there was nothing to fear--this fine, shy man would make no assault on +Ellen Alce's frailty, it was merely a case of Ellen Alce becoming Ellen +Ernley, if he could be persuaded to overlook her "past"--a matter which +Joanna thought important and doubtful. But the elder sister's heart +twinged and ached as much as her bones. There was not only the thought +that she might lose Ellen once more and have to go back to her lonely +living ... her heart was sick to think that again love had come under +her roof and had not visited her. Love ... love ... for Ellen--no more +for Joanna Godden. Perhaps now it was too late. She was getting on, past +thirty-seven--romance never came as late as that on Walland Marsh, +unless occasionally to widows. Then, since it was too late, why did she +so passionately long for it?--Why had not her heart grown old with her +years? + + + + +§9 + +During the next few weeks Joanna watched the young romance grow and +sweeten. Ellen was becoming almost girlish again, or rather, girlish as +she had never been. The curves of her mouth grew softer and her voice +lost its even tones--she had moments of languor and moments of a queer +lightness. Great and Little Ansdore were now on very good terms, and +during that winter there was an exchange of dinners and bridge. Joanna +could now, as she expressed it, give a dinner-party with the best of +'em. Nothing more splendid could be imagined than Joanna Godden sitting +at the head of her table, wearing her Folkestone-made gown of apricot +charmeuse, adapted to her modesty by means of some rich gold lace; Ellen +had induced her to bind her hair with a gold ribbon, and from her ears +great gold ear-rings hung nearly to her shoulders, giving the usual +barbaric touch to her stateliness. Ellen, in contrast, wore iris-tinted +gowns that displayed nacreous arms and shoulders, and her hair passed in +great dark shining licks over her little unadorned ears. + +Joanna was annoyed because Ellen never told her anything about herself +and Tip Ernley. She wanted to know in what declared relation they stood +to each other. She hoped Ellen was being straight with him, as she was +obviously not being straight with her. She did not think they were +definitely engaged--surely they would have let her know that. Perhaps he +was waiting till he had found some satisfactory job and could afford to +keep a wife. She told herself angrily that if only they would confide in +her, she would help the young pair ... they were spoiling their own +chances by keeping her out of their secrets. It never struck her that +Ernley would rather not be beholden to her, whatever Ellen might feel in +the matter. + +His father and mother--well-bred, cordial people--and his maiden sister, +of about Joanna's age, never seemed to see anything remarkable in the +way Ellen and Tip always went off together after dinner, while the +others settled down to their bridge. It seemed to Joanna a grossly +improper proceeding if they were not engaged. But all Mr. and Mrs. +Ernley would say was--"Quite right too--it's just as well when young +people aren't too fond of cards." Joanna herself was growing to be quite +fond of cards, though in her heart she did not think that for sheer +excitement bridge was half as good as beggar-my-neighbour, which she +used to play with Mene Tekel, in the old days before she and Mene both +became dignified, the one as mistress, the other as maid. She enjoyed +her bridge--but often the game would be quite spoilt by the thought of +Ellen and Tip in some secluded corner. He must be making love to her, or +they wouldn't go off alone together like that ... I go no trumps ... if +they wanted just ordinary talk they could stay in here, we wouldn't +trouble them if they sat over there on the sofa ... me to play, is it?... +I wonder if she lets him kiss her ... oh, I beg your pardon, I'm +sure.... + +Joanna had no more returns of rheumatism that winter. Scared and +infuriated by her one experience, she took great care of herself, and +that winter was drier than usual, with crisp days of cold sunshine, and +a skin of ice on the sewers. Once or twice there was a fall of snow, and +even Joanna saw beauty in those days of a blue sky hanging above the +dazzling white spread of the three marshes, Walland, Dunge and Romney, +one huge white plain, streaked with the watercourses black under their +ice, like bars of iron. Somehow the sight hurt her; all beautiful things +hurt her strangely now--whether it was the snow-laden marsh, or the +first scents of spring in the evenings of February, or even Ellen's face +like a broad, pale flower. + +She felt low-spirited and out of sorts that turn of the year. It was +worse than rheumatism.... Then she suddenly conceived the idea that it +was the rheumatism "driven inside her." Joanna had heard many terrible +tales of people who had perished through quite ordinary complaints, like +measles, being mysteriously "driven inside." It was a symptom of her low +condition that she should worry about her health, which till then had +never given her a minute's preoccupation. She consulted "The Family +Doctor," and realized the number of diseases she might be suffering from +besides suppressed rheumatics--cancer, consumption, kidney disease, +diabetes, appendicitis, asthma, arthritis, she seemed to have them all, +and in a fit of panic decided to consult a physician in the flesh. + +So she drove off to see Dr. Taylor in her smart chocolate-coloured trap, +behind her chocolate-coloured mare, with her groom in chocolate-coloured +livery on the seat behind her. She intended to buy a car if she won her +case at the High Court--for to the High Court it had gone, both the +Commissioners and their referee having shown themselves blind to the +claims of justice. + +The doctor listened respectfully to the long list of her symptoms and to +her own diagnosis of them. No, he did not think it was the rheumatism +driven inside her.... He asked her a great many questions, some of which +she thought indelicate. + +"You're thoroughly run down," he said at last--"been doing too +much--you've done a lot, you know." + +"Reckon I have," said Joanna--"but I'm a young woman yet"--there was a +slight touch of defiance in her last words. + +"Oh, age has nothing to do with it. We're liable to overwork ourselves +at all ages. Overwork and worry.... What you need is a thorough rest of +mind and body. I recommend a change." + +"You mean I should ought to go away?" + +"Certainly." + +"But I haven't been away for twenty year." + +"That's just it. You've let yourself get into a groove. You want a +thorough change of air, scene and society. I recommend that you go away +to some cheerful gay watering-place, where there's plenty going on and +you'll meet new people." + +"But what'll become of Ansdore?" + +"Surely it can get on without you for a few weeks?" + +"I can't go till the lambing's finished." + +"When will that be?" + +"Not till after Easter." + +"Well, Easter is a very good time to go away. Do take my advice about +this, Miss Godden. You'll never be really well and happy if you keep in +a groove ..." + +"Groove!" snorted Joanna. + + + + +§10 + +She was so much annoyed with him for having twice referred to Ansdore as +a "groove" that at first she felt inclined not to take his advice. But +even to Joanna this was unsatisfactory as a revenge--"If I stay at home, +maybe I'll get worse, and then he'll be coming over to see me in my +'groove' and getting eight-and-six each time for it." It would certainly +be better to go away and punish the doctor by a complete return to +health. Besides, she was awed by the magnitude of the prescription. It +was a great thing on the Marsh to be sent away for change of air, +instead of just getting a bottle of stuff to take three times daily +after meals.... She'd go, and make a splash of it. + +Then the question arose--where should she go? She could go to her +cousins in the Isle of Wight, but they were a poor lot. She could go to +Chichester, where Martha Relf, the girl who had been with her when she +first took over Ansdore and had behaved so wickedly with the looker at +Honeychild, now kept furnished rooms as a respectable widow. Martha, who +was still grateful to Joanna, had written and asked her to come and try +her accommodation.... But by no kind of process could Chichester be +thought of as a "cheerful watering-place," and Joanna was resolved to +carry out her prescription to the letter. + +"Why don't you go to a really good place?" suggested Ellen--"Bath or +Matlock or Leamington. You could stay at a hydro, if you liked." + +But these were all too far--Joanna did not want to be beyond the summons +of Ansdore, which she could scarcely believe would survive her absence. +Also, to her horror, she discovered that nothing would induce Ellen to +accompany her. + +"But I can't go without you!" she cried dismally--"it wouldn't be +seemly--it wouldn't be proper." + +"What nonsense, Jo. Surely a woman of your age can stop anywhere by +herself." + +"Oh, indeed, can she, ma'am? And what about a woman of your age?--It's +you I don't like leaving alone here." + +"That's absurd of you. I'm a married woman, and quite able to look after +myself. Besides, I've Mrs. Tolhurst with me, and the Ernleys are quite +close." + +"Oh, yes, the Ernleys!" sniffed Joanna with a toss of her head. She felt +that now was a fitting opportunity for Ellen to disclose her exact +relations with the family, but surprisingly her sister took no advantage +of the opening thus made. + +"You'd much better go alone, Joanna--it won't do you half so much good +if I go with you. We're getting on each other's nerves, you know we are. +At least I'm getting on yours. You'll be much happier among entirely new +people." + +It ended in Joanna's taking rooms at the Palace Hotel, Marlingate. No +persuasions would make her go farther off. She was convinced that +neither Ansdore nor Ellen could exist, at least decorously, without her, +and she must be within easy reach of both. The fortnight between the +booking of her room and her setting out she spent in mingled fretfulness +and swagger. She fretted about Ansdore, and nearly drove her carter and +her looker frantic with her last injunctions; she fretted about Ellen, +and cautioned Mrs. Tolhurst to keep a strict watch over her--"She's not +to go up to late dinner at Great Ansdore without you fetch her home." On +the other hand, she swaggered tremendously about the expensive and +fashionable trip she was making. Her room was on the first floor of the +hotel and would cost her twelve-and-six a night. She had taken it for a +week, "But I told them I'd stay a fortnight if I was satisfied, so +reckon they'll do all they can. I'll have breakfast in bed"--she added, +as a climax. + + + + +§11 + +In spite of this, Joanna could not help feeling a little nervous and +lonely when she found herself at the Palace Hotel. It was so very +different from the New Inn at Romney, or the George at Rye, or any other +substantial farmers' ordinary where she ate her dinner on market days. +Of course she had been to the Metropole at Folkestone--whatever place +Joanna visited, whether Brodnyx or Folkestone, she went to the best +hotel--so she was not uninitiated in the mysteries of hotel menus and +lifts and hall porters, and other phenomena that alarm the +simple-minded; but that was many years ago, and it was more years still +since she had slept away from Ansdore, out of her own big bed with its +feather mattress and flowered curtains, so unlike this narrow hotel +arrangement, all box mattress and brass knobs. + +The first night she lay miserably awake, wishing she had never come. She +felt shy and lonely and scared and homesick. After the dead stillness of +Ansdore, a stillness which brooded unbroken till dawn, which was the +voice of a thick darkness, she found even this quiet seaside hotel full +of disturbing noise. The hum of the ascending lift far into the night, +the occasional wheels and footsteps on the parade, the restless heaving +roar of the sea, all disturbed the small slumbers that her sense of +alarm and strangeness would let her enjoy. She told herself she would +never sleep a wink in this rackety place, and would have sought comfort +in the resolution to go home the next morning, if she had not had Ellen +to face, and the servants and neighbours to whom she had boasted so +much. + +However, when daylight came, and sunshine, and her breakfast-in-bed, +with its shining dish covers and appetizing smells, she felt quite +different, and ate her bacon and eggs with appetite and a thrilling +sense of her own importance. The waitress, for want of a definite order, +had brought her coffee, which somehow made her feel very rakish and +continental, though she would have much preferred tea. When she had +finished breakfast, she wrote a letter to Ellen describing all her +experiences with as much fullness as was compatible with that strange +inhibition which always accompanied her taking up of the pen, and +distinguished her letters so remarkably from the feats of her tongue. + +When she had written the letter and posted it adventurously in the hotel +letter-box, she went out on the parade to listen to the band. It was +Easter week, and there were still a great many people about, couples +sitting round the bandstand, more deeply absorbed in each other than in +the music. Joanna paid twopence for a chair, having ascertained that +there were no more expensive seats to be had, and at the end of an hour +felt consumedly bored. The music was bright and popular enough, but she +was not musical, and soon grew tired of listening to "tunes." Also +something about the music made her feel uncomfortable--the same dim yet +searching discomfort she had when she looked at the young couples in the +sun ... the young girls in their shady hats and silk stockings, the +young men in their flannels and blazers. They were all part of a whole +to which she did not belong, of which the music was part ... and the +sea, and the sun, and the other visitors at the hotel, the very servants +of the hotel ... and Ellen at Ansdore ... all day she was adding fresh +parts to that great whole, outside which she seemed to exist alone. + +"I'm getting fanciful," she thought--"this place hasn't done me a bit of +good yet." + +She devoted herself to the difficult art of filling up her day. +Accustomed to having every moment occupied, she could hardly cope with +the vast stretch of idle hours. After a day or two she found herself +obliged to give up having breakfast in bed. From force of habit she woke +every morning at five, and could not endure the long wait in her room. +If the weather was fine she usually went for a walk on the sea-front, +from Rock-a-Nore to the Monypenny statue. Nothing would induce her to +bathe, though even at that hour and season the water was full of young +men and women rather shockingly enjoying themselves and each other. +After breakfast she wrote laborious letters to Broadhurst, Wilson, Mrs. +Tolhurst, Ellen, Mene Tekel--she had never written so many letters in +her life, but every day she thought of some fresh thing that would be +left undone if she did not write about it. When she had finished her +letters she went out and listened respectfully to the band. The +afternoon was generally given up to some excursion or charabanc drive, +and the day finished rather somnolently in the lounge. + +She did not get far beyond civilities with the other visitors in the +hotel. More than one had spoken to her, attracted by this handsome, +striking, and probably wealthy woman--through Ellen's influence her +appearance had been purged of what was merely startling--but they either +took fright at her broad marsh accent ... "she must be somebody's cook +come into a fortune" ... or the more fundamental incompatibility of +outlook kept them at a distance. Joanna was not the person for the +niceties of hotel acquaintanceship--she was too garrulous, too +overwhelming. Also she failed to realize that all states of society are +not equally interested in the price of wheat, that certain details of +sheep-breeding seem indelicate to the uninitiated, and that strangers do +not really care how many acres one possesses, how many servants one +keeps, or the exact price one paid for one's latest churn. + + + + +§12 + +The last few days of her stay brought her a rather ignominious sense of +relief. In her secret heart she was eagerly waiting till she should be +back at Ansdore, eating her dinner with Ellen, sleeping in her own bed, +ordering about her own servants. She would enjoy, too, telling everyone +about her exploits, all the excursions she had made, the food she had +eaten, the fine folk she had spoken to in the lounge, the handsome +amount she had spent in tips.... They would all ask her whether she felt +much the better for her holiday, and she was uncertain what to answer +them. A complete recovery might make her less interesting; on the other +hand she did not want anyone to think she had come back half-cured +because of the expense ... that was just the sort of thing Mrs. +Southland would imagine, and Southland would take it straight to the +Woolpack. + +Her own feelings gave her no clue. Her appetite had much improved, but, +against that, she was sleeping badly--which she partly attributed to the +"noise"--and was growing, probably on account of her idle days, +increasingly restless. She found it difficult to settle down to +anything--the hours in the hotel lounge after dinner, which used to be +comfortably drowsy after the day of sea-air, were now a long stretch of +boredom, from which she went up early to bed, knowing that she would not +sleep. The band played on the parade every evening, but Joanna +considered that it would be unseemly for her to go out alone in +Marlingate after dark. Though she would have walked out on the Brodnyx +road at midnight without putting the slightest strain on either her +courage or her decorum, the well-lighted streets of a town became to her +vaguely dangerous and indecorous after dusk had fallen. "It wouldn't be +seemly," she repeated to herself in the loneliness and dullness of the +lounge, and went desperately to bed. + +However, three nights before going away she could bear it no longer. +After a warm April day, a purple starry evening hung over the sea. The +water itself was a deep, glaucous gray, holding strange lights besides +the golden path of the moon. Beachy Head stood out purple against the +fading amber of the west, in the east All Holland Hill was hung with a +crown of stars, which seemed to be mirrored in the lights of the +fisher-boats off Rock-a-Nore.... It was impossible to think of such an +evening spent in the stuffy, lonely lounge, with heavy curtains shutting +out the opal and the amethyst of night. + +She had not had time to dress for dinner, having come home late from a +charabanc drive to Pevensey, and the circumstance seemed slightly to +mitigate the daring of a stroll. In her neat tailor-made coat and skirt +and black hat with the cock's plumes she might perhaps walk to and fro +just a little in front of the hotel. She went out, and was a trifle +reassured by the light which still lingered in the sky and on the +sea--it was not quite dark yet, and there was a respectable-looking lot +of people about--she recognized a lady staying in the hotel, and would +have joined her, but the lady, whom she had already scared, saw her +coming, and dodged off in the direction of the Marine Gardens. + +The band began to play a waltz from "A Persian Princess." Joanna felt +once more in her blood the strange stir of the music she could not +understand. It would be nice to dance ... queer that she had so seldom +danced as a girl. She stood for a moment irresolute, then walked towards +the bandstand, and sat down on one of the corporation benches, outside +the crowd that had grouped round the musicians. It was very much the +same sort of crowd as in the morning, but it was less covert in its +ways--hands were linked, even here and there waists entwined.... Such +details began to stand out of the dim, purplescent mass of the twilight +people ... night was the time for love. They had come out into the +darkness to make love to each other--their voices sounded different from +in the day, more dragging, more tender.... + +She began to think of the times, which now seemed so far off, when she +herself had sought a man's kisses. Half-ashamed she went back to stolen +meetings--in a barn--behind a rick--in the elvish shadow of some +skew-blown thorn. Just kisses ... not love, for love had been dead in +her then.... But those kisses had been sweet, she remembered them, she +could feel them on her lips ... oh, she could love again now--she could +give and take kisses now. + +The band was playing a rich, thick, drawling melody, full of the purple +night and the warm air. The lovers round the bandstand seemed to sway to +it and draw closer to each other. Joanna looked down into her lap, for +her eyes were full of tears. She regretted passionately the days that +were past--those light loves which had not been able to live in the +shadow of Martin's memory. Oh, why had he taught her to love and then +made it impossible for her ever to love again?--till it was too late, +till she was a middle-aged woman to whom no man came.... It was not +likely that anyone would want her now--her light lovers all lived now in +substantial wedlock, the well-to-do farmers who had proposed to her in +the respectful way of business had now taken to themselves other wives. +The young men looked to women of their own age, to Ellen's pale, soft +beauty ... once again she envied Ellen her loves, good and evil, and +shame was in her heart. Then she lifted her eyes and saw Martin coming +towards her. + + + + +§13 + +In the darkness, lit only now by the lamp-dazzled moonlight, and in the +mist of her own tears, the man before her was exactly like Martin, in +build, gait, colouring and expression. Her moment of recognition stood +out clear, quite distinct from the realization of impossibility which +afterwards engulfed it. She unclasped her hands and half rose in her +seat--the next minute she fell back. "Reckon I'm crazy," she thought to +herself. + +Then she was startled to realize that the man had sat down beside her. +Her heart beat quickly. Though she no longer confused him with Martin, +the image of Martin persisted in her mind ... how wonderfully like him +he was ... the very way he walked.... + +"I saw you give me the glad eye ..." not the way he talked, certainly. + +There was a terrible silence. + +"Are you going to pretend you didn't?" + +Joanna turned on him the tear-filled eyes he had considered glad. She +blinked the tears out recklessly on to her cheek, and opened her mouth +to reduce him to the level of the creeping things upon the earth.... But +the mouth remained open and speechless. She could not look him in the +face and still feel angry. Though now she would no longer have taken him +for Martin, the resemblance still seemed to her startling. He had the +same rich eyes--with an added trifle of impudence under the same +veiling, womanish lashes, the same black sweep of hair from a rather +low forehead, the same graceful setting of the head, though he had not +Martin's breadth of shoulder or deceiving air of strength. + +Her hesitation gave him his opportunity. + +"You aren't going to scold me, are you? I couldn't help it." + +His unlovely, Cockney voice had in it a stroking quality. It stirred +something in the depths of Joanna's heart. Once again she tried to speak +and could not. + +"It's such a lovely night--just the sort of night you feel lonely, +unless you've got someone very nice with you." + +This was terribly true. + +"And you did give me the glad eye, you know." + +"I didn't mean to." She had found her voice at last. "I--I thought you +were someone else; at least I--" + +"Are you expecting a friend?" + +"Oh, no--no one. It was a mistake." + +"Then mayn't I stay and talk to you--just for a bit. I'm here all alone, +you know--a fortnight's holiday. I don't know anyone." + +By this time he had dragged all her features out of the darkness, and +saw that she was not quite what he had first taken her for. He had never +thought she was a girl--his taste was for maturity--but he had not +imagined her of the obviously well-to-do and respectable class to which +she evidently belonged. He saw now that her clothes were of a +fashionable cut, that she had about her a generally expensive air, and +at the same time he knew enough to tell that she was not what he called +a lady. He found her rather difficult to place. Perhaps she was a +wealthy milliner on a holiday ... but, her accent--you could lean up +against it ... well, anyhow she was a damn fine woman. + +"What do you think of the band?" he asked, subtly altering the tone of +the conversation which he saw now had been pitched too low. + +"I think it a proper fine band." + +"So it is. They're going to play 'The Merry Widow' next--ever seen it?" + +"No, never. I was never at a play but once, which they did at the +Monastery at Rye in aid of Lady Buller's Fund when we was fighting the +Boers. 'Our Flat' it was called, and all done by respectable people--not +an actor or an actress among 'em." + +What on earth had he picked up? + +"Do you live at Rye?" + +"I live two mile out of it--Ansdore's the name of my place--Ansdore +Manor, seeing as now I've got both Great and Little Ansdore, and the +living's in my gift. I put in a new parson last year." + +This must be a remarkable woman, unless she was telling him the tale. + +"I went over to Rye on Sunday," he said. "Quaint old place, isn't it? +Funny to think it used to be on the seashore. They say there once was a +battle between the French and English fleets where it's all dry marsh +now." + +Joanna thrilled again--that was like Martin, telling her things, old +things about the Marsh. The conversation was certainly being conducted +on very decorous lines. She began to lose the feeling of impropriety +which had disturbed her at first. They sat talking about the +neighbourhood, the weather, and--under Joanna's guidance--the prospects +of the harvest, for another ten minutes, at the end of which the band +went off for their "interval." + +The cessation of the music and scattering of the crowd recalled Joanna +to a sense of her position. She realized also that it was quite +dark--the last redeeming ray had left the sky. She stood up-- + +"Well, I must be getting back." + +"Where are you staying?" + +"The Palace Hotel." + +What ho! She must have some money. + +"May I walk back with you?" + +"Oh, thanks," said Joanna--"it ain't far." + +They walked, rather awkwardly silent, the few hundred yards to the +hotel. Joanna stopped and held out her hand. She suddenly realized that +she did not want to say good-bye to the young man. Their +acquaintanceship had been most shockingly begun--Ellen must never +know--but she did not want it to end. She felt, somehow, that he just +meant to say good-bye and go off, without any plans for another meeting. +She must take action herself. + +"Won't you come and have dinner--I mean lunch--with me to-morrow?" + +She scanned his face eagerly as she spoke. It suddenly struck her what a +terrible thing it would be if he went out of her life now after having +just come into it--come back into it, she had almost said, for she could +not rid herself of that strange sense of Martin's return, of a second +spring. + +But she need not have been afraid. He was not the man to refuse his +chances. + +"Thanks no end--I'll be honoured." + +"Then I'll expect you. One o'clock, and ask for Miss Godden." + + + + +§14 + +Joanna had a nearly sleepless night. The torment of her mind would not +allow her to rest. At times she was overwhelmed with shame at what she +had done--taken up with a strange man at the band, like any low servant +girl on her evening out--My! but she'd have given it to Mene Tekel if +she dared behave so! At other times she drifted on a dark sweet river of +thought ... every detail of the boy's appearance haunted her with +disturbing charm--his eyes, black and soft like Martin's--his mouth +which was coarser and sulkier than Martin's, yet made her feel all +disquieted ... the hair which rolled like Martin's hair from his +forehead--dear hair she used to tug.... Oh, he's the man I could +love--he's my sort--he's the kind I like.... And I don't even know his +name.... But he talks like Martin--knows all about old places when they +were new--queer he should talk about them floods.... Romney Church, you +can see the marks on the pillars.... I can't bear to think of that.... I +wonder what he'll say when he comes to-morrow?--Maybe he'll find me too +old--I'm ten year older than him if I'm a day.... I must dress myself up +smart--I'm glad I brought my purple body.... Martin liked me in the old +basket hat I fed the fowls in ... but I was slimmer then.... I'm getting +on now ... he won't like me as well by daylight as he did in the +dark--and properly I'll deserve it, carrying on like that. I've half a +mind not to be in--I'll leave a polite message, saying "Miss Godden's +compliments, but she's had to go home, owing to one of her cows having a +miscarriage." I'll be wise to go home to-morrow--reckon I ain't fit to +be trusted alone. + +But a quarter to one the next day saw her in all the splendour of her +"purple body," standing before her mirror, trying to make up her mind +whether to wear her big hat or her little one. The little hat was +smarter and had cost more money, but the big hat put a becoming shadow +over her eyes, and hid those little lines that were straying from the +corners.... For the first time Joanna had begun to realize that clothes +should have other qualities besides mere splendour. Hitherto she had +never thought of clothes in any definite relation to herself, as +enhancing, veiling, suggesting, or softening the beauty which was Joanna +Godden. But to-day she chose warily--her hat for shadow, her shoes for +grace, her amber necklace because she must have that touch of barbarism +which suited her best--an unconscious process this--and her amber +earrings, because they matched her necklace, and because in the mirror +she could see the brighter colours of her hair swinging in them. At the +last minute she changed her "purple body" for one of rich +chestnut-coloured silk. This was so far her best inspiration, for it +toned not only with the amber beads, but with her skin and hair. As she +turned to leave the room she was like a great glowing amber bead +herself, all brown and gold, with rich red lights and gleams of yellow +... then just as she was going out she had her last and best inspiration +of all. She suddenly went back into the room, and before the mirror tore +off the swathe of cream lace she wore round her throat. The short thick +column of her neck rose out of her golden blouse. She burned to her +ears, but walked resolutely from the room. + +Her young man was waiting for her in the lounge, and she saw his rather +blank face light up when she appeared. She had been successful, then ... +the realization gave her confidence, and more beauty. During the meal +which followed, he re-cast a little of that opinion he had formed of +her the night before. She was younger than he had thought, probably only +a little over thirty, and far better looking than he had gathered from a +first impression. Joanna was that rather rare type of woman who +invariably looks her best in sunshine--the dusk had hidden from him her +really lovely colouring of skin and eyes and hair; here at her little +table by the window her face seemed almost a condensation of the warm, +ruddy light which poured in from the sea. Her eyes, with the queer +childlike depths behind their feminine hardness, her eager mouth and +splendid teeth, the scatter of freckles over her nose, all combined to +hold him in a queer enchantment of youth. There was a curious, +delightful freshness about her ... and she was a damn fine woman, too. + +The night before he had gathered that she was of overwhelming +respectability, but now he had his doubts about that also. She certainly +seemed of a more oncoming disposition than he had thought, though there +was something naïve and virginal about her forwardness. Her acquaintance +might prove more entertaining than he had supposed. He fixed his eyes on +her uncovered throat; she blushed deeply, and put her hand up. + +Their talk was very much on the same lines as the night before. He +discovered that she had a zest for hearing him discourse on old +places--she drank in all he had to say about the old days of Marlingate, +when it was just a red fishing-village asleep between two hills. He told +her how the new town had been built northward and westward, in the days +of the great Monypenny, whose statue now stares blindly out to sea. He +was a man naturally interested in topography and generally "read up" the +places he visited, but he had never before found a woman who cared to +listen to that sort of stuff. + +After luncheon, drinking coffee in the lounge, they became more personal +and intimate. He told her about himself. His name was Albert Hill--his +father was dead, and he lived with his mother and sister at Lewisham. He +had a good position as clerk in a firm of carpet-makers. He was +twenty-five years old, and doing well. Joanna became confidential in her +turn. Her confidences mostly concerned the prosperity of her farm, the +magnitude of its acreage, the success of this year's lambing and last +year's harvest, but they also included a few sentimental adventures--she +had had ever so many offers of marriage, including one from a clergyman, +and she had once been engaged to a baronet's son. + +He wondered if she was pitching him a yarn, but did not think so; if she +was, she would surely do better for herself than a three hundred acre +farm, and an apparently unlimited dominion over the bodies and souls of +clergymen. By this time he was liking her very much, and as he +understood she had only two days more at Marlingate, he asked her to go +to the pier theatre with him the next evening. + +Joanna accepted, feeling that she was committing herself to a desperate +deed. But she was reckless now--she, as well as Hill, thought of those +two poor days which were all she had left. She must do something in +those two days to bind him, for she knew that she could not let him go +from her--she knew that she loved again. + + + + +§15 + +She did not love as she had loved the first time. Then she had loved +with a calmness and an acceptance which were impossible to her now. She +had trusted fate and trusted the beloved, but now she was unsure of +both. She was restless and tormented, and absorbed as she had never been +in Martin. Her love consumed every other emotion, mental or physical--it +would not let her sleep or eat or listen to music. It kept her whole +being concentrated on the new force that had disturbed it--she could +think of nothing but Albert Hill, and her thoughts were haggard and +anxious, picturing their friendship at a standstill, failing, and +lost.... Oh, she must not lose him--she could not bear to lose him--she +must bind him somehow in the short time she had left. + +There were intervals in which she became uneasily conscious of her +folly. He was thirteen years younger than she--it was ridiculous. She +was a fool, after all the opportunities she'd had, to fall in love with +a mere boy. But she knew in her heart that it was his youth she wanted +most, partly because it was Martin's youth, partly because it called to +something in her which was not youth, nor yet belonged to age--something +which was wise, tender and possessive--something which had never yet +been satisfied. + +Luckily she had health robust enough to endure the preyings of her mind, +and did not bear her conflict on her face when Hill called for her the +next evening. She had been inspired to wear the same clothes as +before--having once pleased, she thought perhaps she would be wise not +to take any risks with the purple body, and as for an evening gown, +Joanna would have felt like a bad woman in a book if she had worn one. +But she was still guiltily without her collar. + +He took her to a small restaurant on the sea-front, where half a dozen +couples sat at little rosily lit tables. Joanna was pleased--she was +beginning faintly to enjoy the impropriety of her existence ... dinner +in a restyrong--with wine--that would be something to hold in her heart +against Ellen, next time that young person became superior. Joanna did +not really like wine--a glass of stout at her meals, or pale ale in the +hot weather, was all she took as a rule--but there was a subtle +fascination in putting her lips to the red glass full of broken lights, +and feeling the wine like fire against them, while her eyes gazed over +the brim at Hill ... he gazed at her over the brim of his, and somehow +when their eyes met thus over their glasses, over the red wine, it was +more than when they just met across the table, in the pauses of their +talk. It seemed to her that he was more lover-like to-night--his words +seemed to hover round her, to caress her, and she was not surprised when +she felt his foot press hers under the table, though she hastily drew +her own away. + +After dinner, he took her on the pier. "East Lynne" was being played in +the Pavilion, and they had two of the best seats. Joanna was terribly +thrilled and a little shocked--she was also, at the proper time, +overcome with emotion. When little Willie lay dying, it was more than +she could bear ... poor little chap, it made your heart ache to see +him--even though he was called Miss Maidie Masserene on the programme, +and when not in bed stuck out in parts of his sailor suit which little +boys do not usually stick out in. His poor mother, too ... the tears +rolled down Joanna's face, and her throat was speechless and swollen ... +something seemed to be tugging at her heart ... she grew ashamed, almost +frightened. It was a positive relief when the curtain came down, and +rose again to show that little Willie had done likewise and stood bowing +right and left in his night-shirt. + +Still the tears would furtively trickle ... what a fool she was +getting--it must be the wine. My, but she had a weak head ... she must +never take another glass. Then suddenly, in the darkness, she felt a +hand take hers, pick it up, set it on a person's knee ... her hand lay +palm downwards on his knee, and his own lay over it--she began to +tremble and her heart turned to water. The tears ran on and on. + +... They were outside, the cool sea wind blew over them, and in the wind +was the roar of the sea. Without a word they slipped out of the stream +of people heading for the pier gates, and went to the railing, where +they stood looking down on the black water. + +"Why are you crying, dear?" asked Hill tenderly, as his arm crept round +her. + +"I dunno--I'm not the one to cry. But that little chap ... and his poor +mother ..." + +"You soft-hearted darling." ... He held her close, in all her gracious +and supple warmth, which even the fierceness of her stays could not +quite keep from him. Oh, she was the dearest thing, so crude and yet so +soft ... how glad he was he had not drawn back at the beginning, as he +had half thought of doing ... she was the loveliest woman, +adorable--mature, yet unsophisticated ... she was like a quince, ripe +and golden red, yet with a delicious tartness. + +"Joanna," he breathed, his mouth close to the tawny, flying anthers of +her hair--"Do you think you could love me?" + +He felt her hair stroke his lips, as she turned her head. He saw her +eyes bright with tears and passion. Then suddenly she broke from him-- + +"I can't--I can't ... it's more than I can bear." + +He came after her, overtaking her just before the gate. + +"Darling thing, what's the matter?--You ain't afraid?" + +"No--no--it isn't that. Only I can't bear ... beginning to feel it ... +again." + +"Again?" + +"Yes--I told you a bit ... I can't tell you any more." + +"But the chap's dead." + +"Yes." + +"Hang it all, we're alive ..." and she surrendered to his living mouth. + + + + +§16 + +That night she slept, and the next morning she felt calmer. Some queer, +submerged struggle seemed to be over. As a matter of fact, her affair +was more uncertain than ever. After Albert's kiss, they had had no +discussion and very little conversation. He had taken her back to the +hotel, and had kissed her again--this time on the warm, submissive mouth +she lifted to him. He had said--"I'll come and see you at Ansdore--I've +got another week." And she had said--nothing. She did not know if he +wanted to marry her, or even if she wanted to marry him. She did not +worry about how--or if--she should explain him to Ellen. All her +cravings and uncertainties were swallowed up in a great quiet, a strange +quiet which was somehow all the turmoil of her being expressed in +silence. + +The next day he was true to his promise, and saw her off--sitting +decorously in her first-class carriage "For Ladies Only." + +"You'll come and see me at Ansdore?" she said, as the moment of +departure drew near, and he said nothing about last night's promise. + +"Do you really want me to come?" + +"Reckon I do." + +"I'll come, then." + +"Which day?" + +"Say Monday, or Tuesday." + +"Come on Monday, by this train--and I'll meet you at the station in my +trap. I've got a fine stepper." + +"Right you are. I'll come on Monday. It's kind of you to want me so +much." + +"I do want you." + +Her warm, glowing face in the frame of the window invited him, and they +kissed. Funny, thought Hill to himself, the fuss she had made at first, +and she was all over him now.... But women were always like +that--wantons by nature and prudes by grace, and it was wonderful what a +poor fight grace generally made of it. + +Joanna, unaware that she had betrayed herself and womankind, leaned back +comfortably in the train as it slid out of the station. She was in a +happy dream, hardly aware of her surroundings. Mechanically she watched +the great stucco amphitheatre of Marlingate glide past the window--then +the red throbbing darkness of a tunnel ... and the town was gone, like a +bad dream, giving place to the tiny tilted fields and century-old hedges +of the south-eastern weald. Then gradually these sloped and lost +themselves in marsh--first only a green tongue running into the weald +along the bed of the Brede River, then spreading north and south and +east and west, from the cliff-line of England's ancient coast to the +sand-line of England's coast to-day, from the spires of the monks of +Battle to the spires of the monks of Canterbury. + +Joanna was roused automatically by this return to her old surroundings. +She began to think of her trap waiting for her outside Rye station. She +wondered if Ellen would have come to meet her. Yes, there she was on the +platform ... wearing a green frock, too. She'd come out of her blacks. +Joanna thrilled to a faint shock. She wondered how many other +revolutions Ellen had carried out in her absence. + +"Well, old Jo ..." It seemed to her that Ellen's kiss was warmer than +usual. Or was it that her own heart was so warm...? + +Ellen found her remarkably silent. She had expected an outpouring of +Joanna's adventures, achievements and triumphs, combined with a +desperate catechism as to just how much ruin had befallen Ansdore while +she was away. Instead of which Joanna seemed for the first time in +Ellen's experience, a little dreamy. She had but little to say to Rye's +one porter, or to Peter Crouch, the groom. She climbed up on the front +seat of the trap, and took the reins. + +"You're looking well," said Ellen--"I can see your change has done you +good." + +"Reckon it has, my dear." + +"Were you comfortable at the hotel?" + +This, if anything, should have started Joanna off, but all she said +was-- + +"It wasn't a bad place." + +"Well, if you don't want to talk about your own affairs," said Ellen to +herself--"you can listen to mine, for a change. Joanna,"--she added +aloud--"I came to meet you, because I've got something special to tell +you." + +"What's that?" + +"Perhaps you can guess." + +Joanna dreamily shook her head. + +"Well, I'm thinking of getting married again." + +"Married!" + +"Yes--it's eighteen months since poor Arthur died," sighed the devoted +widow, "and--perhaps you've noticed--Tip Ernley's been getting very fond +of me." + +"Yes, I had noticed.... I was wondering why you didn't tell." + +"There was nothing to tell. He couldn't propose to me till he had +something definite to do. Now he's just been offered the post of agent +on the Duke of Wiltshire's estate--a perfectly splendid position. Of +course, I told him all about my first marriage"--she glanced +challengingly at her sister--"but he's a perfect dear, and he saw at +once I'd been more sinned against than sinning. We're going to be +married this summer." + +"I'm unaccountable glad." + +Ellen gave her a queer look. + +"You take it very calmly, Jo." + +"Well, I'd been expecting it all along." + +"You won't mind my going away and leaving you?" + +"Reckon you'll have to go where your husband goes." + +"What on earth's happened?" thought Ellen to herself--"She's positively +meek." + +The next minute she knew. + +"Ellen," said Joanna, as they swung into the Straight Mile, "I've got a +friend coming to spend the day on Monday--a Mr. Hill that I met in +Marlingate." + + + + +§17 + +For the next few days Joanna was restless and nervous; she could not be +busy with Ansdore, even after a fortnight's absence. The truth in her +heart was that she found Ansdore rather flat. Wilson's pride in the +growth of the young lambs, Broadhurst's anxiety about Spot's calving and +his preoccupation with the Suffolk dray-horse Joanna was to buy at +Ashford fair that year, all seemed irrelevant to the main purpose of +life. The main stream of her life had suddenly been turned +underground--it ran under Ansdore's wide innings--on Monday it would +come again to the surface, and take her away from Ansdore. + +The outward events of Monday were not exciting. Joanna drove into Rye +with Peter Crouch behind her, and met Albert Hill with a decorous +handshake on the platform. During the drive home, and indeed during most +of his visit, his attitude towards her was scarcely more than ordinary +friendship. In the afternoon, when Ellen had gone out with Tip Ernley, +he gave her a few kisses, but without much passion. She began to feel +disquieted. Had he changed? Was there someone else he liked? At all +costs she must hold him--she must not let him go. + +The truth was that Hill felt uncertain how he stood--he was bewildered +in his mind. What was she driving at? Surely she did not think of +marriage--the difference in their ages was far too great. But what else +could she be thinking of? He gathered that she was invincibly +respectable--and yet he was not sure.... In spite of her decorum, she +had queer, unguarded ways. He had met no one exactly like her, though he +was a man of wide and not very edifying experience. The tactics which +had started his friendship with Joanna he had learned at the shorthand +and typewriting college where he had learned his clerking job--and they +had brought him a rummage of adventures, some transient, some sticky, +some dirty, some glamorous. He had met girls of a fairly good +class--for his looks caused much to be forgiven him--as well as the +typists, shop-girls and waitresses of his more usual association. But he +had never met anyone quite like Joanna--so simple yet so swaggering, so +solid yet so ardent, so rigid yet so unguarded, so superior and yet, he +told himself, so lacking in refinement. She attracted him enormously ... +but he was not the sort of man to waste his time. + +"When do you go back to London?" she asked. + +"Wednesday morning." + +She sighed deeply, leaning against him on the sofa. + +"Is this all the holiday you'll get this year?" + +"No--I've Whitsun coming--Friday to Tuesday. I might run down to +Marlingate ..." + +He watched her carefully. + +"Oh, that 'ud be fine. You'd come and see me here?" + +"Of course--if you asked me?" + +"If I asked you," she repeated in a sudden, trembling scorn. + +Her head drooped to his breast, and he took her in his arms, holding her +across him--all her magnificent weight upon his knees. Oh, she was a +lovely creature ... as he kissed her firm, shy mouth it seemed to him as +if her whole body was a challenge. A queer kind of antagonism seized +him--prude or rake, she should get her lesson from him all right. + + + + +§18 + +When he had gone Joanna said to Ellen-- + +"D'you think it would be seemly if I asked Mr. Hill here to stay?" + +"Of course it would be 'seemly,' Jo. I'm a married woman. But would he +be able to come? He's in business somewhere, isn't he?" + +"Yes, but he could get away for Whitsun." + +"Then ask him by all means. But ..." + +She looked at her quickly and teasingly. + +"But what?" + +"Jo, do you care about this man?" + +"What d'you mean? Why should I care? Or, leastways, why shouldn't I?" + +"No reason at all. He's a good bit younger than you are, but then I +always fancied that if you married it ud be a man younger than +yourself." + +"Who said I was going to marry him?" + +"No one. But if you care ..." + +"I never said I did." + +"Oh, you're impossible," said Ellen with a little shrug. She picked up a +book from the table, but Joanna could not let the conversation drop. + +"What d'you think of Mr. Hill, Ellen? Does he remind you of anyone +particular?" + +"No, not at the moment." + +"Hasn't it ever struck you he's a bit like my Martin Trevor?" + +Her tongue no longer stammered at the name. + +"Your Martin Trevor! Jo, what nonsense, he's not a bit like him." + +"He's the living image--the way his hair grows out of his forehead, and +his dark, saucy eyes ..." + +"Well, I was only a little girl when you were engaged to Martin Trevor, +but as I remember him he was quite different from Mr. Hill. He belonged +to another class, for one thing.... He was a gentleman." + +"And you think Mr. Hill ain't a gentleman?" + +"My dear Joanna! Of course he's not--he doesn't profess to be." + +"He's got a good position as a clerk. Some clerks are gentlemen." + +"But this one isn't." + +"How do _you_ know?" + +"Because I happen to be engaged to someone who is." + +"That ain't any reason for miscalling my friends." + +"I'm not 'miscalling' anyone.... Oh, hang it all, Jo, don't let's +quarrel about men at our time of life. I'm sorry if I said anything you +don't like about Mr. Hill. Of course, I don't know him as well as you +do." + + + + +§19 + +So Joanna wrote to Albert Hill in her big, cramped handwriting, on the +expensive yet unostentatious note-paper which Ellen had decreed, +inviting him to come and spend Whitsuntide at Ansdore. + +His answer did not come for three or four days, during which, as he +meant she should, she suffered many doubts and anxieties. Was he coming? +Did he care for her? Or had he just been fooling? She had never felt +like this about a man before. She had loved, but love had never held her +in the same bondage--perhaps because till now she had always had +certainties. Her affair with Martin, her only real love affair, had been +a certainty, Arthur Alce's devotion had been a most faithful certainty, +the men who had comforted her bereavement had also in their different +ways been certainties. Albert Hill was the only man who had ever eluded +her, played with her or vexed her. She knew that she attracted him, but +she also guessed dimly that he feared to bind himself. As for her, she +was now determined. She loved him and must marry him. Characteristically +she had swept aside the drawbacks of their different ages and +circumstances, and saw nothing but the man she loved--the man who was +for her the return of first love, youth and spring. A common little +tawdry-minded clerk some might have called him, but to Joanna he was all +things--fulfilment, lover and child, and also a Sign and a Second +Coming. + +She could think of nothing else. Once again Ansdore was failing her, as +it always failed her in any crisis of emotion--Ansdore could never be +big enough to fill her heart. But she valued it because of the +consequence it must give her in young Hill's eyes, and she was impressed +by the idea that her own extra age and importance gave her the rights of +approach normally belonging to the man.... Queens always invited their +consorts to share their thrones, and she was a queen, opening her gates +to the man she loved. There could be no question of her leaving her +house for his--he was only a little clerk earning two pounds a week, and +she was Squire of the Manor. Possibly this very fact made him hesitate, +fear to presume.... Well, she must show him he was wrong, and this +Whitsuntide was her opportunity. But she wished that she could feel more +queenly in her mind--less abject, craving and troubled. In outward +circumstances she was his queen, but in her heart she was his slave. + +She plunged into an orgy of preparation. Mrs. Tolhurst and Mene Tekel +and the new girl from Windpumps who now reinforced the household were +nearly driven off their legs. Ellen spared the wretched man much in the +way of feather-beds--just one down mattress would be enough, town people +weren't used to sleeping on feathers. She also chastened the scheme of +decoration, and substituted fresh flowers for the pampas grasses which +Joanna thought the noblest adornment possible for a spare bedroom. On +the whole Ellen behaved very well about Albert Hill--she worked her best +to give him a favourable impression of Ansdore as a household, and when +he came she saw that he and her sister were as much alone together as +possible. + +"He isn't at all the sort of brother-in-law I'd like you to have, my +dear," she said to Tip, "but if you'd seen some of the men Joanna's +taken up with you'd realize it might have been much worse. I'm told she +once had a most hectic romance with her own shepherd ... she's +frightfully impressionable, you know." + +"Is she really?" said Tip in his slow, well-bred voice. "I shouldn't +have thought that." + +"No, because--dear old Jo! it's so funny--she's quite without art. But +she's always been frightfully keen on men, though she never could +attract the right sort; and for some reason or other--to do with the +farm, I suppose--she's never been keen on marriage. Now lately I've been +thinking she really ought to marry--lately she's been getting quite +queer--_détraquée_--and I do think she ought to settle down." + +"But Hill's much younger than she is." + +"Joanna would never care for anyone older. She's always liked boys--it's +because she wants to be sure of being boss, I suppose. I know for a fact +she's turned down nearly half a dozen good, respectable, well-to-do +farmers of her own age or older than herself. And yet I've sometimes +felt nervous about her and Peter Crouch, the groom.... Oh, I tell you, +Jo's queer, and I'll be thankful if she marries Bertie Hill, even though +he is off the mark. After all, Tip"--and Ellen looked charming--"Jo and +I aren't real ladies, you know." + + + + +§20 + +Albert was able to get off on the Friday afternoon, and arrived at +Ansdore in time for the splendours of late dinner and a bath in the new +bathroom. There was no doubt about it, thought he, that he was on a good +thing, whichever way it ended. She must have pots of money ... +everything of the very best ... and her sister marrying no end of a +swell--Ernley, who played for Sussex, and was obviously top-notch in +every other way. Perhaps he wouldn't be such a fool, after all, if he +married her. He would be a country gentleman with plenty of money and a +horse to ride--better than living single till, with luck, he got a rise, +and married inevitably one of his female acquaintances, to live in the +suburbs on three hundred a year.... And she was such a splendid +creature--otherwise he would not have thought of it--but in attraction +she could give points to any girl, and her beauty, having flowered late, +would probably last a good while longer.... + +But--. That night as he sat at his bedroom window, smoking a succession +of Gold Flake cigarettes, he saw many other aspects of the situation. +The deadly quiet of Ansdore in the night, with all the blackness of the +Marsh waiting for the unrisen moon, was to him a symbol of what his life +would be if he married Joanna. He would perish if he got stuck in a hole +like this, and yet--he thus far acknowledged her queenship--he could +never ask her to come out of it. He could not picture her living in +streets--she wouldn't fit--but then, neither would he fit down here. He +liked streets and gaiety and noise and picture-palaces.... If she'd been +younger he might have risked it, but at her age--thirteen years older +than he (she had told him her age in an expansive moment) it was really +impossible. But, damn it all! She was gorgeous--and he'd rather have her +than any younger woman. He couldn't make her out--she must see the folly +of marriage as well as he ... then why was she encouraging him like +this?--Leading him on into an impossible situation? Gradually he was +drifting back into his first queer moment of antagonism--he felt urged +to conquest, not merely for the gratification of his vanity nor even for +the attainment of his desire, but for the satisfaction of seeing her +humbled, all her pride and glow and glory at his feet, like a tiger-lily +in the dust. + +The next day Joanna drove him into Lydd, and in the afternoon took him +inland, to Ruckinge and Warehorne. These drives were another +reconstruction of her life with Martin, though now she no longer loved +Albert only in his second-coming aspect. She loved him passionately and +childishly for himself--the free spring of his hair from his forehead, +not merely because it had also been Martin's but because it was his--the +impudence as well as the softness of his eyes, the sulkiness as well as +the sensitiveness of his mouth, the unlike as well as the like. She +loved his quick, Cockney accent, his Cockney oaths when he forgot +himself--the way he always said "Yeyss" instead of "Yes"--his little +assumptions of vanity in socks and tie. She loved a queer blend of +Albert and Martin, the real and the imaginary, substance and dream. + +As for him, he was enjoying himself. Driving about the country with a +fine woman like Joanna, with privileges continually on the increase, was +satisfactory even if no more than an interlude. "Where shall we go +to-morrow?" he asked her, as they sat in the parlour after dinner, +leaving the garden to Ellen and Tip. + +"To-morrow? Why, that's Sunday." + +"But can't we go anywhere on Sunday?" + +"To church, of course." + +"But won't you take me out for another lovely drive? I was hoping we +could go out all day to-morrow. It's going to be ever so fine." + +"Maybe, but I was brought up to go to church on Sundays, and on Whit +Sunday of all other Sundays." + +"But this Sunday's going to be different from all other Sundays--and +from all other Whit Sundays...." + +He looked at her meaningly out of his bold, melting eyes, and she +surrendered. She could not deny him in this matter any more than in most +others.... She could not disappoint him any more than she could +disappoint a child. He should have his drive--she would take him over to +New Romney, even though it was written "Neither thou nor thine ox nor +thine ass nor the stranger that is within thy gates." + + + + +§21 + +So the next morning when Brodnyx bells were ringing in the east she +drove off through Pedlinge on her way to Broomhill level. She felt +rather uneasy and ashamed, especially when she passed the church-going +people. It was the first time in her life that she had voluntarily +missed going to church--for hundreds of Sundays she had walked along +that flat white lick of road, her big Prayer Book in her hand, and had +gone under that ancient porch to kneel in her huge cattle-pen pew with +its abounding hassocks. Even the removal of the Lion and the Unicorn, +and the transformation of her comfortable, Established religion into a +disquieting mystery had not made her allegiance falter. She still loved +Brodnyx church, even now when hassocks were no longer its chief +ecclesiastical ornament. She thought regretfully of her empty place and +shamefully of her neighbours' comments on it. + +It was a sunless day, with grey clouds hanging over a dull green marsh, +streaked with channels of green water. The air was still and heavy with +the scent of may and meadowsweet and ripening hayseed. They drove as far +as the edges of Dunge Marsh, then turned eastward along the shingle road +which runs across the root of the Ness to Lydd. The little mare's +chocolate flanks were all a-sweat, and Joanna thought it better to bait +at Lydd and rest during the heat of the day. + +"You'd never think it was Whitsun," said Albert, looking out of the inn +window at the sunny, empty street. "You don't seem to get much of a +crowd down here. Rum old place, ain't it?" + +Already Joanna was beginning to notice a difference between his outlook +and Martin's. + +"What d'you do with yourself out here all day?" he continued. + +"I've plenty to do." + +"Well, it seems to agree with you--I never saw anyone look finer. You're +reelly a wonder, old thing." + +He picked up the large hand lying on the table-cloth and kissed it back +and palm. From any other man, even from Martin himself, she would have +received the caress quite simply, been proud and contented, but now it +brought her into a strange trouble. She leaned towards him, falling +upon his shoulder, her face against his neck. She wanted his kisses, and +he gave them to her. + +At about three o'clock they set out again. The sun was high now, but the +air was cooler, for it had lost its stillness and blew in rippling gusts +from the sea. Joanna resolved not to go on to New Romney, as they had +waited too long at Lydd; so she took the road that goes to Ivychurch, +past Midley chapel, one of the ruined shrines of the monks of +Canterbury--grey walls huddled against a white tower of hawthorn in +which the voices of the birds tinkled like little bells. + +She was now beginning to feel more happy and self-confident but she was +still preoccupied, though with a new situation. They had now been alone +together for five hours, and Albert had not said a word about the +marriage on which her hopes were set. Her ideas as to her own right of +initiative had undergone a change. He was in all matters of love so +infinitely more experienced than she was that she could no longer +imagine herself taking the lead. Hitherto she had considered herself as +experienced and capable in love as in other things--had she not been +engaged for five months? Had she not received at least half a dozen +offers of marriage? But Albert had "learned her different." His sure, +almost careless, touch abashed her, and the occasional fragments of +autobiography which he let fall, showed her that she was a limited and +ignorant recluse compared to this boy of twenty-five. In matters of +money and achievement she might brag, but in matters of love she was +strangely subservient to him, because in such matters he had everything +to teach her. + +They stopped for tea at Ivychurch; the little inn and the big church +beside the New Sewer were hazed over in a cloud of floating sunshine and +dust. She had been here before with Martin, and after tea she and Albert +went into the church and looked around them. But his interest in old +places was not the same as Martin's. He called things "quaint" and +"rummy," and quoted anything he had read about them in the guide-book, +but he could not make them come alive in a strange re-born youth--he +could not make her feel the beauty of the great sea on which the French +ships had ridden, or the splendours of the Marsh before the Flood, with +all its towns and taverns and steeples. Unconsciously she missed this +appeal to her sleeping imagination, and her bringing of him into the +great church, which could have held an the village in its aisles, was an +effort to supply what was lacking. + +But Albert's attitude towards the church was critical and +unsatisfactory. It was much too big for the village. It was ridiculous +... that little clump of chairs in all the huge emptiness ... what a +waste of money, paying a parson to idle away his time among a dozen +people.... "How Dreadful is this Place" ran the painted legend over the +arches.... Joanna trembled. + +They came out on the farther side of the churchyard, where a little path +leads away into the hawthorns of the New Sewer. A faint sunshine was +spotting it through the branches, and suddenly Joanna's heart grew warm +and heavy with love. She wanted some sheltered corner where she could +hold his hand, feel his rough coat-sleeve against her cheek--or, dearer +still, carry his head on her bosom, that heavenly weight of a man's +head, with the coarse, springing hair to pull and stroke.... She put her +arm into his. + +"Bertie, let's go and sit over there in the shade." + +He smiled at the innocence of her contrivance. + +"Shall we?" he said, teasing her--"won't it make us late for dinner?" + +"We don't have dinner on Sundays--we have supper at eight, so as to let +the gals go to church." + +Her eyes looked, serious and troubled, into his. He pressed her hand. + +"You darling thing." + +They moved away out of the shadow of the church, following the little +path down to the channel's bank. The water was of a clear, limpid green, +new-flushed with the tide, with a faint stickle moving down it, carrying +the white, fallen petals of the may. The banks were rich with +loosestrife and meadowsweet, and as they walked on, the arching of +hawthorn and willow made of the stream and the path beside it a little +tunnel of shade and scent. + +The distant farmyard sounds which spoke of Ivychurch behind them +gradually faded into a thick silence. + +Joanna could feel Bertie leaning against her as they walked, he was +playing with her hand, locking and unlocking her fingers with his. +Weren't men queer ... the sudden way they melted at a touch? Martin had +been like that--losing his funny sulks.... And now Bertie was just the +same. She felt convinced that in one moment ... in two ... he would ask +her to be his wife.... + +"Let's sit down for a bit," she suggested. + +They sat down by the water side, crushing the meadowsweet till its +sickliness grew almost fierce with bruising. She sidled into his arms, +and her own crept round him. "Bertie ..." she whispered. Her heart was +throbbing quickly, and, as it were, very high--in her throat--choking +her. She began to tremble. Looking up she saw his eyes above her, gazing +down at her out of a mist--everything seemed misty, trees and sky and +sunshine and his dear face.... She was holding him very tight, so tight +that she could feel his collar-bones bruising her arms. He was kissing +her now, and his kisses were like blows. She suddenly became afraid, and +struggled. + +"Jo, Jo--don't be a fool--don't put me off, now ... you can't, I tell +you." + +But she had come to herself. + +"No--let me go. I ... it's late--I've got to go home." + +She was strong enough to push him from her, and scrambled to her feet. +They both stood facing each other in the trodden streamside flowers. + +"I beg your pardon," he said at last. + +"Oh, it doesn't matter." + +She was ashamed. + + + + +§22 + +She was frightened, too--never in her life had she imagined that she +could drift so far as she had drifted in those few seconds. She was +still trembling as she led the way back to the church. She could hear +him treading after her, and as she thought of him her heart smote her. +She felt as if she had hurt him--oh, what had she done to him? What had +she denied him? What had she given him to think? + +As they climbed into the trap she could tell that he was sulking. He +looked at her half-defiantly from under his long lashes, and the corners +of his mouth were turned down like a child's. The drive home was +constrained and nearly silent. Joanna tried to talk about the grazings +they had broken at Yokes Court, in imitation of her own successful +grain-growing, about her Appeal to the High Court which was to be heard +that summer, and the motor-car she would buy if it was successful--but +it was obvious that they were both thinking of something else. For the +last part of the drive, from Brodnyx to Ansdore, neither of them spoke a +word. + +The sunset was scattering the clouds ahead and filling the spaces with +lakes of gold. The dykes turned to gold, and a golden film lay over the +pastures and the reeds. The sun wheeled slowly north, and a huge, +shadowy horse and trap began to run beside them along the embankment of +the White Kemp Sewer. They turned up Ansdore's drive, now neatly +gravelled and gated, and a flood of light burst over the gables of the +house, pouring on Joanna as she climbed down over the wheel. She +required no help, and he knew it, but she felt his hands pressing her +waist; she started away, and she saw him laugh--mocking her. She nearly +cried. + +The rest of that evening was awkward and unhappy. She had a vague +feeling in her heart that she had treated Albert badly, and yet ... the +strange thing was that she shrank from an explanation. It had always +been her habit to "have things out" on all occasions, and many a +misunderstanding had been strengthened thereby. But to-night she could +not bear the thought of being left alone with Albert. For one thing, she +was curiously vague as to the situation--was she to blame or was he? Had +she gone too far or not far enough? What was the matter, after all? +There was nothing to lay hold of.... Joanna was unused to this nebulous +state of mind; it made her head ache, and she was glad when the time +came to go to bed. + +With a blessed sense of relief she felt the whitewashed thickness of her +bedroom walls between her and the rest of the house. She did not trouble +to light her candle. Her room was in darkness, except for one splash of +light reflected from her mirror which held the moon. She went over to +the window and looked out. The marsh swam in a yellow, misty lake of +moonlight. There was a strange air of unsubstantiality about it--the +earth was not the solid earth, the watercourses were moonlight rather +than water, the light was water rather than light, the trees were +shadows.... + +"Ah-h-h," said Joanna Godden. + +She lifted her arms to her head with a gesture of weariness--as she took +out the pins her hair fell on her shoulders in great hanks and masses, +golden and unsubstantial as the moon. + +Slowly and draggingly she began to unfasten her clothes--they fell off +her, and lay like a pool round her feet. She plunged into her stiff +cotton nightgown, buttoning it at neck and wrists. Then she knelt by her +bed and said her prayers--the same prayers that she had said ever since +she was five. + +The moonlight was coming straight into the room--showing its familiar +corners. There was no trace of Ellen in this room--nothing that was +"artistic" or "in good taste." A lively pattern covered everything that +could be so covered, but Joanna's sentimental love of old associations +had spared the original furniture--the wide feather bed, the oaken chest +of drawers, the wash-stand which was just a great chest covered with a +towel. Over her bed hung Poor Father's Buffalo Certificate, the +cherished symbol of all that was solid and prosperous and reputable in +life. + +She lay in bed. After she got in she realized that she had forgotten to +plait her hair, but she felt too languid for the effort. Her hair spread +round her on the pillow like a reproach. For some mysterious reason her +tears began to fall. Her life seemed to reproach her. She saw all her +life stretching behind her for a moment--the moment when she had stood +before Socknersh her shepherd, seeing him dark against the sky, between +the sun and moon. That was when Men, properly speaking, had begun for +her--and it was fifteen years since then--and where was she now? Still +at Ansdore, still without her man. + +Albert had not asked her to marry him, nor, she felt desperately, did he +mean to. If he did, he would surely have spoken to-day. And now +besides, he was angry with her, disappointed, estranged. She had upset +him by turning cold like that all of a sudden.... But what was she +saying? Why, of course she had been quite right. She should ought to +have been cold from the start. That was her mistake--letting the thing +start when it could have no seemly ending ... a boy like that, nearly +young enough to be her son ... and yet she had been unable to deny him, +she had let him kiss her and court her--make love to her.... Worse than +that, she had made love to him, thrown herself at him, pursued him with +her love, refused to let him go ... and all the other things she had +done--changing for his sake from her decent ways ... breaking the +Sabbath, taking off her neck-band. She had been getting irreligious and +immodest, and now she was unhappy, and it served her right. + +The house was quite still; everyone had gone to bed, and the moon filled +the middle of the window, splashing the bed, and Joanna in it, and the +walls, and the sagging beams of the ceiling. She thought of getting up +to pull down the blind, but had no more energy to do that than to bind +her hair. She wanted desperately to go to sleep. She lay on her side, +her head burrowed down into the pillow, her hands clenched under her +chin. Her bed was next the door, and beyond the door, against the wall +at right angles to it, was her chest of drawers, with Martin's +photograph in its black frame, and the photograph of his tombstone in a +frame with a lily worked on it. Her eyes strained towards them in the +darkness ... oh, Martin--Martin, why did I ever forget you?... But I +never forgot you ... Martin, I've never had my man.... I've got money, +two farms, lovely clothes--I'm just as good as a lady ... but I've never +had my man.... Seemingly I'll go down into the grave without him ... +but, oh, I do want ... the thing I was born for.... + +Sobs shook her broad shoulders as she lay there in the moonlight. But +they did not relieve her--her sobs ploughed deep into her soul ... they +turned strange furrows.... Oh, she was a bad woman, who deserved no +happiness. She'd always known it. + +She lifted her head, straining her eyes through the darkness and tears +to gaze at Martin's photograph as if it were the Serpent in the +Wilderness. Perhaps all this had come upon her because she had been +untrue to his memory--and yet what had so appealed to her about Bertie +was that he was like Martin, though Ellen said he wasn't--well, perhaps +he wasn't.... But what was happening now? Something had come between her +and the photograph on the chest of drawers. With a sudden chill at her +heart, she realized that it was the door opening. + +"Who's there?" she cried in a hoarse angry whisper. + +"Don't be frightened, dear--don't be frightened, my sweet Jo--" said +Bertie Hill. + + + + +§23 + +She could not think--she could only feel. It was morning--that white +light was morning, though it was like the moon. Under it the Marsh lay +like a land under the sea--it must have looked like this when the keels +of the French boats swam over it, high above Ansdore, and Brodnyx, and +Pedlinge, lying like red apples far beneath, at the bottom of the sea. +That was nonsense ... but she could not think this morning, she could +only feel. + +He had not been gone an hour, but she must find him. She must be with +him--just feel him near her. She must see his head against the window, +hear the heavy, slow sounds of his moving. She slipped on her clothes +and twisted up her hair, and went down into the empty, stir-less house. +No one was about--even her own people were in bed. The sun was not yet +up, but the white dawn was pouring into the house, through the windows, +through the chinks. Joanna stood in the midst of it. Then she opened the +door and went out into the yard, which was a pool of cold light, ringed +round with barns and buildings and reed-thatched haystacks. It was queer +how this cold, still, trembling dawn hurt her--seemed to flow into her, +to be part of herself, and yet to wound.... She had never felt like this +before--she could never have imagined that love would make her feel like +this, would make her see beauty in her forsaken yard at dawn--not only +see but feel that beauty, physically, as pain. Her heart wounded +her--her knees were failing--she went back into the house. + +A wooden chair stood in the passage outside the kitchen door, and she +sat down on it. She was still unable to think, and she knew now that she +did not want to think--it might make her afraid. She wanted only to +remember.... He had called her the loveliest, sweetest, most beautiful +woman in the world.... She repeated his words over and over again, +calling up the look with which he had said them ... oh, those eyes of +his--slanty, saucy, secret, loving eyes.... + +She wondered why he did not come down. She could not imagine that he had +turned into bed and gone to sleep--that he did not know she was sitting +here waiting for him in the dawn. For a moment she thought of going up +and knocking at his door--then she heard a thud of footsteps and +creaking of boards, which announced that Mene Tekel and Nan Gregory of +Windpumps were stirring in their bedroom. In an incredibly short time +they were coming downstairs, tying apron-strings and screwing up hair as +they went, and making a terrific stump past the door behind which they +imagined their mistress was in bed. It was a great shock to them to find +that she was downstairs before them--they weren't more than five minutes +late. + +"Hurry up, gals," said Joanna, "and get that kettle boiling for the men. +I hear Broadhurst about the yard. Mene Tekel, see as there's no clinkers +left in the grate; Mrs. Alce never got her bath yesterday evening before +dinner as she expects it. When did you do the flues last?" + +She set her household about its business--her dreams could not live in +the atmosphere of antagonistic suspicion in which she had always viewed +the younger members of her own sex. She was firmly convinced that +neither Nan nor Mene would do a stroke of work if she was not "at them"; +the same opinion applied in a lesser degree to the men in the yard. So +till Ansdore's early breakfast appeared amid much hustling and scolding, +Joanna had no time to think about her lover, or continue the dreams so +strangely and gloriously begun in the sunless dawn. + +Bertie was late for breakfast, and came down apologising for having +overslept himself. But he had a warm, sleepy, rumpled look about him +which made her forgive him. He was like a little boy--her little boy ... +she dropped her eyelids over her tears. + +After breakfast, as soon as they were alone, she stole into his arms and +held close to him, without embrace, her hands just clasped over her +breast on which her chin had fallen. He tried to raise her burning, +blushing face, but she turned it to his shoulder. + + + + +§24 + +Albert Hill went back to London on Tuesday, but he came down again the +following week-end, and the next, and the next, and then his engagement +to Joanna was made public. + +In this respect the trick was hers. The affair had ended in a committal +which he had not expected, but his own victory was too substantial for +him to regret any development of it to her advantage. Besides, he had +seen the impossibility of conducting the affair on any other lines, both +on account of the circumstances in which she lived and of her passionate +distress when she realized that he did not consider marriage an +inevitable consequence of their relation. It was his only way of keeping +her--and he could not let her go. She was adorable, and the years +between them meant nothing--her beauty had wiped them out. He could +think of her only as the ageless woman he loved, who shared the passion +of his own youth and in it was for ever young. + +On the practical side, too, he was better reconciled. He felt a pang +of regret when he thought of London and its work and pleasures, of his +chances of a "rise"--which his superiors had hinted was now +imminent--of a head clerkship, perhaps eventually of a partnership and +a tight marriage into the business--since his Whitsuntide visit to +Ansdore he had met the junior partner's daughter and found her as +susceptible to his charms as most young women. But after all, his +position as Joanna Godden's husband would be better even than that of +a partner in the firm of Sherwood and Son. What was Sherwood's but a +firm of carpet-makers?--a small firm of carpet-makers. As Joanna's +husband he would be a Country Gentleman, perhaps even a County +Gentleman. He saw himself going out with his gun ... following the +hounds in a pink coat.... He forgot that he could neither shoot nor +ride. + +Meantime his position as Joanna's lover was not an unenviable one. She +adored him and spoiled him like a child. She poured gifts upon him--a +gold wrist-watch, a real panama hat, silk socks in gorgeous colours, +boxes and boxes of the best Turkish and Egyptian cigarettes--she could +not give him enough to show her love and delight in him. + +At first he had been a little embarrassed by this outpouring, but he was +used to receiving presents from women, and he knew that Joanna had +plenty of money to spend and really got as much pleasure out of her +gifts as he did. They atoned for the poverty of her letters. She was no +letter-writer. Her feelings were as cramped as her handwriting by the +time she had got them down on paper; indeed, Joanna herself was +wondrously expressed in that big, unformed, constricted handwriting, +black yet uncertain, sprawling yet constrained, in which she recorded +such facts as "Dot has calved at last," or "Broadhurst will be 61 come +Monday," or--as an utmost concession--"I love you, dear." + +However, too great a strain was not put on this frail link, for he came +down to Ansdore almost every week-end, from Saturday afternoon to early +Monday morning. He tried to persuade her to come up to London and stay +at his mother's house--he had vague hopes that perhaps an experience of +London might persuade her to settle there (she could afford a fine house +over at Blackheath, or even in town itself, if she chose). But Joanna +had a solid prejudice against London--the utmost she would consent to +was a promise to come up and stay with Albert's mother when her appeal +was heard at the High Court at the beginning of August. Edward Huxtable +had done his best to convince her that her presence was unnecessary, but +she did not trust either him or the excellent counsel he had engaged. +She had made up her mind to attend in person, and look after him +properly. + + + + +§25 + +The attitude of Brodnyx and Pedlinge towards this new crisis in Joanna +Godden's life was at first uncertain. The first impression was that she +had suddenly taken fright at the prospect of old-maidenhood, and had +grabbed the first man she could get, even though he was young enough to +be her son. + +"He ain't twenty-one till Michaelmas," said Vine at the Woolpack. + +"She's always liked 'em young," said Furnese. + +"Well, if she'd married Arthur Alce when she fust had the chance, +instead of hanging around and wasting time the way she's done, by now +she could have had a man of her intended's age for a son instead of a +husband." + +"Reckon it wouldn't have been the same thing." + +"No--it would have been a better thing," said Vine. + +When it became known that Joanna's motive was not despair but love, +public opinion turned against her, Albert's manner among the Marsh +people was unfortunate. In his mind he had always stressed his bride's +connexions through Ellen--the Ernleys, a fine old county family; he +found it very satisfying to slap Tip Ernley on the back and call him +"Ole man." He had deliberately shut his eyes to the other side of her +acquaintance, those Marsh families, the Southlands, Furneses, Vines, +Cobbs and Bateses, to whom she was bound by far stronger, older ties +than any which held her to Great Ansdore. He treated these people as her +and his inferiors--unlike Martin Trevor, he would not submit to being +driven round and shown off to Misleham, Picknye Bush, or Slinches.... It +was small wonder that respectable families became indignant at such +airs. + +"What does he think himself, I'd like to know? He's nothing but a +clerk--such as I'd never see my boy." + +"And soon he won't be even that--he'll just be living on Joanna." + +"She's going to keep him at Ansdore?" + +"Surelye. She'll never move out now." + +"But what's she want to marry for, at her age, and a boy like that?" + +"She's getting an old fool, I reckon." + + + + +§26 + +The date of the wedding was not yet fixed, though September was spoken +of rather vaguely, and this time the hesitation came from the +bridegroom. As on the occasion of her first engagement Joanna had made +difficulties with the shearing and hay-making, so now Albert contrived +and shifted in his anxiety to fit in his marriage with other plans. + +He had, it appeared, as far back as last Christmas, arranged for a +week's tour in August with the Polytechnic to Lovely Lucerne. In vain +Joanna promised him a liberal allowance of "Foreign Parts" for their +honeymoon--Bertie's little soul hankered after the Polytechnic, his pals +who were going with him, and the kindred spirits he would meet at the +chalets. Going on his honeymoon as Joanna Godden's husband was a +different matter and could not take the place of such an excursion. + +Joanna did not press him. She was terribly afraid of scaring him off. It +had occurred to her more than once that his bonds held him far more +lightly than she was held by hers. And the prospect of marriage was now +an absolute necessity if she was to endure her memories. Marriage alone +could hallow and remake Joanna Godden. Sometimes, as love became less of +a drug and a bewilderment, her thoughts awoke, and she would be +overwhelmed by an almost incredulous horror at herself. Could this be +Joanna Godden, who had turned away her dairy-girl for loose behaviour, +who had been so shocked at the adventures of her sister Ellen? She could +never be shocked at anyone again, seeing that she herself was just as +bad and worse than anyone she knew.... Oh, life was queer--there was no +denying. It took you by surprise in a way you'd never think--it made you +do things so different from your proper notions that afterwards you +could hardly believe it was you that had done them--it gave you joy that +should ought to have been sorrow ... and pain as you'd never think. + +As the summer passed and the time for her visit to town drew near, +Joanna began to grow nervous and restless. She did not like the idea of +going to a place like London, though she dared not confess her fears to +the travelled Ellen or the metropolitan Bertie. She felt vaguely that +"no good would come of it"--she had lived thirty-eight years without +setting foot in London, and it seemed like tempting Providence to go +there now.... + +However she resigned herself to the journey--indeed, when the time came +she undertook it more carelessly than she had undertaken the venture of +Marlingate. Her one thought was of Albert, and she gave over Ansdore +almost nonchalantly to her carter and her looker, and abandoned Ellen to +Tip Ernley with scarcely a doubt as to her moral welfare. + +Bertie met her at Charing Cross, and escorted her the rest of the way. +He found it hard to realize that she had never been to London before, +and it annoyed him a little. It would have been all very well, he told +himself, in a shy village maiden of eighteen, but in a woman of Joanna's +age and temperament it was ridiculous. However, he was relieved to find +that she had none of the manners of a country cousin. Her +self-confidence prevented her being flustered by strange surroundings; +her clothes were fashionable and well-cut, though perhaps a bit too +showy for a woman of her type, she tipped lavishly, and was not afraid +of porters. Neither did she, as he had feared at first, demand a +four-wheeler instead of a taxi. On the contrary, she insisted on driving +all the way to Lewisham, instead of taking another train, and enlarged +on the five-seater touring car she would buy when she had won her Case. + +"I hope to goodness you will win it, ole girl," said Bertie, as he +slipped his arm round her--"I've a sort of feeling that you ought to +touch wood." + +"I'll win it if there's justice in England." + +"But perhaps there ain't." + +"I _must_ win," repeated Joanna doggedly. "You see, it was like +this ..." + +Not for the first time she proceeded to recount the sale of Donkey +Street and the way she had applied the money. He wished she wouldn't +talk about that sort of thing the first hour they were together. + +"I quite see, darling," he exclaimed in the middle of the narrative, and +shut her mouth with a kiss. + +"Oh, Bertie, you mustn't." + +"Why not?" + +"We're in a cab--people will see." + +"They won't--they can't see in--and I'm not going to drive all this way +without kissing you." + +He took hold of her. + +"I won't have it--it ain't seemly." + +But he had got a good hold of her, and did as he liked. + +Joanna was horrified and ashamed. A motor-bus had just glided past the +cab and she felt that the eyes of all the occupants were upon her. She +managed to push Albert away, and sat very erect beside him, with a red +face. + +"It ain't seemly," she muttered under her breath. + +Bertie was vexed with her. He assumed an attitude intended to convey +displeasure. Joanna felt unhappy, and anxious to conciliate him, but she +was aware that any reconciliation was bound to lead to a repetition of +that conduct so eminently shocking to the occupants of passing +motor-buses. "I don't like London folk to think I don't know how to +behave when I come up to town," she said to herself. + +Luckily, just as the situation was becoming unbearable, and her +respectability on the verge of collapsing in the cause of peace, they +stopped at the gate of The Elms, Raymond Avenue, Lewisham. Bertie's +annoyance was swallowed up in the double anxiety of introducing her to +his family and his family to her. On both counts he felt a little +gloomy, for he did not think much of his mother and sister and did not +expect Joanna to think much of them. At the same time there was no +denying that Jo was and looked a good bit older than he, and his mother +and sister were quite capable of thinking he was marrying her for her +money. She was looking rather worn and dragged this afternoon, after her +unaccustomed railway journey--sometimes you really wouldn't take her for +more than thirty, but to-day she was looking her full age. + +"Mother--Agatha--this is Jo." + +Joanna swooped down on the old lady with a loud kiss. + +"Pleased to meet you," said Mrs. Hill in a subdued voice. She was very +short and small and frail-looking, and wore a cap--for the same reason +no doubt that she kept an aspidistra in the dining-room window, went to +church at eleven o'clock on Sundays, and had given birth to Agatha and +Albert. + +Agatha was evidently within a year or two of her brother's age, and she +had his large, melting eyes, and his hair that sprang in a dark +semicircle from a low forehead. She was most elegantly dressed in a +peek-a-boo blouse, hobble skirt, and high-heeled shoes. + +"Pleased to meet you," she said, and Joanna kissed her too. + +"Is tea ready?" asked Bertie. + +"It will be in a minute, dear--I can hear Her getting it." + +They could all do that, but Bertie seemed annoyed that they should be +kept waiting. + +"You might have had it ready," he said, "I expect you're tired, Jo." + +"Oh, not so terrible, thanks," said Joanna, who felt sorry for her +future mother-in-law being asked to keep tea stewing in the pot against +the uncertain arrival of travellers. But, as it happened, she did feel +rather tired, and was glad when the door was suddenly kicked open and a +large tea-tray was brought in and set down violently on a side table. + +"Cream _and_ sugar?" said Mrs. Hill nervously. + +"Yes, thank you," said Joanna. She felt a little disconcerted by this +new household of which she found herself a member. She wondered what +Bertie's mother and sister thought of his middle-aged bride. + +For a time they all sat round in silence. Joanna covertly surveyed the +drawing-room. It was not unlike the parlour at Ansdore, but everything +looked cheaper--they couldn't have given more than ten pound for their +carpet, and she knew those fire-irons--six and eleven-three the set at +the ironmongers. These valuations helped to restore her self-confidence +and support the inspection which Agatha was conducting on her side. +"Reckon the price of my clothes ud buy everything in this room," she +thought to herself. + +"Did you have a comfortable journey, Miss Godden?" asked Mrs. Hill. + +"You needn't call her Miss Godden, ma," said Albert, "she's going to be +one of the family." + +"I had a fine journey," said Joanna, drowning Mrs. Hill's apologetic +twitter, "the train came the whole of sixty miles with only one stop." + +Agatha giggled, and Bertie stabbed her with a furious glance. + +"Did you make this tea?" he asked. + +"No--She made it." + +"I might have thought as much. That girl can't make tea any better than +the cat. You reelly might make it yourself when we have visitors." + +"I hadn't time. I've only just come in." + +"You seem to be out a great deal." + +"I've my living to get." + +Joanna played with her teaspoon. She felt ill at ease, though it would +be difficult to say why. She had quarrelled too often with Ellen to be +surprised at any family disagreements--it was not ten years since she +had thought nothing of smacking Ellen before a disconcerted public. + +What was there different--and there was something different--about this +wrangle between a brother and sister, that it should upset her so--upset +her so much that for some unaccountable reason she should feel the tears +running out of her eyes. + +On solemn ceremonial occasions Joanna always wore a veil, and this was +now pushed up in several folds, to facilitate tea-drinking. She could +feel the tears wetting it, so that it stuck to her cheeks under her +eyes. She was furious with herself, but she could not stop the +tears--she felt oddly weak and shaken. Agatha had flounced off with the +teapot to make a fresh brew, Albert was leaning gloomily back in his +chair with his hands in his pockets, Mrs. Hill was murmuring--"I hope +you like fancy-work--I am very fond of fancy-work--I have made a worsted +kitten." Joanna could feel the tears soaking through her veil, running +down her cheeks--she could not stop them--and the next moment she heard +Bertie's voice, high and aggrieved--"What are you crying for, Jo?" + +Directly she heard it, it seemed to be the thing she had been dreading +most. She could bear no more, and burst into passionate weeping. + +They all gathered round her, Agatha with the new teapot, Mrs. Hill with +her worsted, Bertie patting her on the back and asking what was the +matter. + +"I don't know," she sobbed--"I expect I'm tired, and I ain't used to +travelling." + +"Yes, I expect you must be tired--have a fresh cup of tea," said Agatha +kindly. + +"And then go upstairs and have a good lay down," said Mrs. Hill. + +Joanna felt vaguely that Albert was ashamed of her. She was certainly +ashamed of herself and of this entirely new, surprising conduct. + + + + +§27 + +By supper that night she had recovered, and remembered her breakdown +rather as a bad dream, but neither that evening nor the next day could +she quite shake off the feeling of strangeness and depression. She had +never imagined that she would like town life, but she had thought that +the unpleasantness of living in streets would be lost in the +companionship of the man she loved--and she was disappointed to find +that this was not so. Bertie, indeed, rather added to than took away +from her uneasiness. He did not seem to fit into the Hill household any +better than she did--in fact, none of the members fitted. Bertie and +Agatha clashed openly, and Mrs. Hill was lost. The house was like a +broken machine, full of disconnected parts, which rattled and fell +about. Joanna was used to family quarrels, but she was not used to +family disunion--moreover, though she would have allowed much between +brother and sister, she had certain very definite notions as to the +respect due to a mother. Both Bertie and Agatha were continually +suppressing and finding fault with Mrs. Hill, and of the two Bertie was +the worst offender. Joanna could not excuse him, even to her own +all-too-ready heart. The only thing she could say was that it was most +likely Mrs. Hill's own fault--her not having raised him properly. + +Every day he went off to his office in Fetter Lane, leaving Joanna to +the unrelieved society of his mother, for which he apologised profusely. +Indeed, she found her days a little dreary, for the old lady was not +entertaining, and she dared not go about much by herself in so +metropolitan a place as Lewisham. Every morning she and her future +mother-in-law went out shopping--that is to say they bought half-pounds +and quarter-pounds of various commodities which Joanna at Ansdore would +have laid in by the bushel and the hundredweight. They would buy tea at +one grocer's, and then walk down two streets to buy cocoa from another, +because he sold it cheaper than the shop where they had bought the tea. +The late Mr. Hill had left his widow very badly off--indeed she could +not have lived at all except for what her children gave her out of their +salaries. To her dismay, Joanna discovered that while Agatha, in spite +of silk stockings and Merry Widow hats, gave her mother a pound out of +the weekly thirty shillings she earned as a typist, Albert gave her only +ten shillings a week--his bare expenses. + +"He says he doesn't see why he should pay more for living at home than +he'd pay in digs--though, as a matter of fact I don't know anyone who'd +take him for as little as that, even for only bed and breakfast." + +"But what does he do with the rest of the money?" + +"Oh, he has a lot of expenses, my dear--belongs to all sorts of grand +clubs, and goes abroad every year with the Polytechnic, or even Cook's. +Besides, he has lady friends that he takes about--used to, I should say, +for, of course, he's done with all that now--but he was always the boy +for taking ladies out--and never would demean himself to anything less +than a Corner House." + +"But he should ought to treat you proper, all the same," said Joanna. + +She felt sorry and angry, and also, in some vague way, that it was her +part to set matters right--that the wound in her love would be healed if +she could act where Bertie was remiss. But Mrs. Hill would not let her +open her fat purse on her account. "No, dear; we never let a friend +oblige us." Joanna, who was not tactful, persisted, and the old lady +became very frozen and genteel. + +Bertie's hours were not long at the office. He was generally back at +six, and took Joanna out--up to town, where they had dinner and then +went on to some theatre or picture-palace, the costs of the expedition +being defrayed out of her own pocket. She had never had so much +dissipation in her life--she saw "The Merry Widow," "A Persian +Princess," and all the musical comedies. Albert did not patronise the +more serious drama, and for Joanna the British stage became synonymous +with fluffy heads and whirling legs and jokes she could not understand. +The late hours made her feel very tired, and on their way home Albert +would find her sleepy and unresponsive. They always went by taxi from +Lewisham station, and instead of taking the passionate opportunities of +the darkness, she would sink her heavy head against his breast, holding +his arm with both her tired hands. "Let me be, dear, let me be," she +would murmur when he tried to rouse her--"this is what I love best." + +She told herself that it was because she was so tired that she often +felt depressed and wakeful at nights. Raymond Avenue was not noisy, +indeed it was nearly as quiet as Ansdore, but on some nights Joanna lay +awake from Bertie's last kiss till the crashing entrance of the Girl to +pull up her blinds in the morning. At nights, sometimes, a terrible +clearness came to her. This visit to her lover's house was showing her +more of his character than she had learned in all the rest of their +acquaintance. She could not bear to realize that he was selfish and +small-minded, though, now she came to think of it, she had always been +aware of it in some degree. She had never pretended to herself that he +was good and noble--she had loved him for something quite +different--because he was young and had brought her back her own youth, +because he had a handsome face and soft, dark eyes, because in spite of +all his cheek and knowingness he had in her sight a queer, appealing +innocence.... He was like a child, even if it was a spoilt, selfish +child. When she held his dark head in the crook of her arm, he was her +child, her little boy.... And perhaps one day she would hold, through +her love for him, a real child there, a child who was really innocent +and helpless and weak--a child without grossness to scare her or +hardness to wound her--her own child, born of her own body. + +But though she loved him, this constant expression of his worst points +could not fail to give her a feeling of chill. Was this the way he would +behave in their home when they were married? Would he speak to her as he +spoke to his mother? Would he speak to their children so?... She could +not bear to think it, and yet she could not believe that marriage would +change him all through. What if their marriage made them both +miserable?--made them like some couples she had known on the Marsh, +nagging and hating each other. Was she a fool to think of marrying +him?--all that difference in their age ... only perfect love could make +up for it ... and he did not like the idea of living in the country--he +was set on his business--his "career," as he called it.... She did not +think he wanted to marry her as much as she wanted to marry him.... Was +it right to take him away from his work, which he was doing so well at, +and bring him to live down at Ansdore? My, but he would probably scare +her folk with some of his ways. However, it was now too late to draw +back. She must go on with what she had begun. At all costs she must +marry--not merely because she loved him, but because only marriage could +hallow and silence the past. With all the traditions of her race and +type upon her, Joanna could not face the wild harvest of love. Her wild +oats must be decently gathered into the barn, even if they gave her +bitter bread to eat. + + + + +§28 + +The case of "Godden _versus_ Inland Revenue Commissioners" was heard at +the High Court when Joanna had been at Lewisham about ten days. Albert +tried to dissuade her from being present. + +"I can't go with you, and I don't see how you can go alone." + +"I shall be right enough." + +"Yet you won't even go down the High Street by yourself--I never met +anyone so inconsistent." + +"It's my Appeal," said Joanna. + +"But there's no need for you to attend. Can't you trust anyone to do +anything without you?" + +"Not Edward Huxtable," said Joanna decidedly. + +"Then why did you choose him for your lawyer?" + +"He's the best I know." + +Bertie opened his mouth to carry the argument further, but laughed +instead. + +"You _are_ a funny ole girl--so silly and so sensible, so hard and so +soft, such hot stuff and so respectable ..." He kissed her at each item +of the catalogue--"I can't half make you out." + +However, he agreed to take her up to town when he went himself, and +deposited her at the entrance of the Law Courts--a solid, impressive +figure in her close-fitting tan coat and skirt and high, feathered +toque, with the ceremonial veil pulled down over her face. + +Beneath her imposing exterior she felt more than a little scared and +lost. Godden seemed a poor thing compared to all this might of Inland +Revenue Commissioners, spreading about her in passage and hall and +tower.... The law had suddenly become formidable, as it had never been +in Edward Huxtable's office.... However, she was fortunate in finding +him, with the help of one or two policemen, and the sight of him +comforted her with its suggestion of home and Watchbell Street, and her +trap waiting in the sunshine outside the ancient door of the Huxtable +dwelling. + +Her Appeal was not heard till the afternoon, and in the luncheon +interval he took her to some decorous dining-rooms--such as Joanna had +never conceived could exist in London, so reminiscent were they of the +George and the Ship and the New and the Crown and other of her +market-day haunts. They ate beef and cabbage and jam roly poly, and +discussed the chances of the day. Huxtable said he had "a pretty case--a +very pretty case--you'll be surprised, Miss Joanna, to see what I've +made of it." + +And so she was. Indeed, if she hadn't heard the opening she would never +have known it was her case at all. She listened in ever-increasing +bewilderment and dismay. In spite of her disappointment in the matter of +the Commissioners and their Referee, she had always looked upon her +cause as one so glaringly righteous that it had only to be pleaded +before any just judge to be at once established. But now ... the horror +was, that it was no longer her cause at all. This was not Joanna Godden +coming boldly to the Law of England to obtain redress from her grievous +oppression by pettifogging clerks--it was just a miserable dispute +between the Commissioners of Inland Revenue and the Lessor of Property +under the Act. It was full of incomprehensible jargon about Increment +Value, Original Site Value, Assessable Site Value, Land Value Duty, +Estate Duty, Redemption of Land Tax, and many more such terms among +which the names of Donkey Street and Little Ansdore appeared +occasionally and almost frivolously, just to show Joanna that the matter +was her concern. In his efforts to substantiate an almost hopeless case +Edward Huxtable had coiled most of the 1910 Finance Act round himself, +and the day's proceedings consisted of the same being uncoiled and +stripped off him, exposing his utter nakedness in the eyes of the law. +When the last remnant of protective jargon had been torn away, Joanna +knew that her Appeal had been dismissed--and she would have to pay the +Duty and also the expenses of the action. + +The only comfort that remained was the thought of what she would say to +Edward Huxtable when she could get hold of him. They had a brief, +eruptive interview in the passage. + +"You take my money for making a mess like that," stormed Joanna. "I tell +you, you shan't have it--you can amuse yourself bringing another action +for it." + +"Hush, my dear lady--hush! Don't talk so loud. I've done my best for +you, I assure you. I warned you not to bring the action in the first +instance, but when I saw you were determined to bring it, I resolved to +stand by you, and get you through if possible. I briefed excellent +counsel, and really made out a very pretty little case for you." + +"Ho! Did you? And never once mentioned my steam plough. I tell you when +I heard all the rubbish your feller spoke I'd have given the case +against him myself. It wasn't my case at all. My case is that I'm a +hard-working woman, who's made herself a good position by being a bit +smarter than other folk. I have a gentleman friend who cares for me +straight and solid for fifteen years, and when he dies he leaves me his +farm and everything he's got. I sell the farm, and get good money for +it, which I don't spend on motor-cars like some folk, but on more +improvements on my own farm. I make my property more valuable, and +_I've_ got to pay for it, if you please. Why, they should ought to pay +me. What's farming coming to, I'd like to know, if we've got to pay for +bettering ourselves? The Government ud like to see all farmers in the +workhouse--and there we'll soon be, if they go on at this rate. And it's +the disrespectfulness to Poor Arthur, too--he left Donkey Street to +me--not a bit to me and the rest to them. But there they go, wanting to +take most of it in Death Duty. The best Death Duty I know is to do what +the dead ask us and not what they'd turn in their graves if they knew +of. And poor Arthur who did everything in the world for me, even down to +marrying my sister Ellen ..." + +Edward Huxtable managed to escape. + +"Drat that woman," he said to himself--"she's a terror. However, I +suppose I've got to be thankful she didn't try to get any of that off +her chest in Court--she's quite capable of it. Damn it all! She's a +monstrosity--and going to be married too ... well, there are some heroes +left in the world." + + + + +§29 + +Bertie was waiting for Joanna outside the Law Courts. In the stillness +of the August evening and the yellow dusty sunshine, he looked almost +contemplative, standing there with bowed head, looking down at his hands +which were folded on his stick, while one or two pigeons strutted about +at his feet. Joanna's heart melted at the sight of him. She went up to +him, and touched his arm. + +"Hullo, ole girl. So here you are. How did it go off?" + +"I've lost." + +"Damn! That's bad." + +She saw that he was vexed, and a sharp touch of sorrow was added to her +sense of outrage and disappointment. + +"Yes, it was given against me. It's all that Edward Huxtable's fault. +Would you believe me, but he never made out a proper case for me at all, +but just a lawyer's mess, what the judge was quite right not to hold +with." + +"Have you lost much money?" + +"A proper lot--but I shan't let Edward Huxtable get any of it. If he +wants his fees he'll just about have to bring another action." + +"Don't be a fool, Joanna--you'll have to pay the costs if they've been +given against you. You'll only land yourself in a worse hole by making a +fuss." + +They were walking westward towards the theatres and the restaurants. +Joanna felt that Bertie was angry with her--he was angry with her for +losing her case, just as she was angry with Edward Huxtable. This was +too much--the tears rose in her eyes. + +"Will it do you much damage?" he asked. "In pocket, I mean." + +"Oh, I--I'll have to sell out an investment or two, but it won't do any +real hurt to Ansdore. Howsumever, I'll have to go without my motor-car." + +"It was really rather silly of you to bring the action." + +"How, silly?" + +"Well, you can't have had much of a case, or you wouldn't have lost it +like this in an hour's hearing." + +"Stuff and nonsense! I'd a valiant case, if only that fool, Edward +Huxtable, hadn't been anxious to show how many hard words he knew, +instead of just telling the judge about my improvements and that." + +"Really, Joanna, you might give up talking about your improvements. +They've nothing to do with the matter at all. Can't you see that, as the +Government wanted the money, it's nothing to them if you spent it on a +steam plough or on a new hat. As a matter of fact, you might just as +well have bought your motor-car--then at least we'd have that. Now you +say you've given up the idea." + +"Unless you make some money and buy it"--pain made Joanna snap. + +"Yes--that's right, start twitting me because it's you who have the +money. I know you have, and you've always known I haven't--I've never +deceived you. I suppose you think I'm glad to be coming to live on you, +to give up a fine commercial career for your sake. I tell you, any other +man with my feelings would have made you choose between me and +Ansdore--but I give up everything for your sake, and that's how you pay +me--by despising me." + +"Oh, don't, Bertie," said Joanna. She felt that she could bear no more. + +They had come into Piccadilly, and the light was still warm--it was not +yet dinner-time, but Joanna, who had had no tea, felt suddenly weak and +faint. + +"Let's go in there, dear," she said, as they reached the Popular Café, +"and have a cup of tea. And don't let's quarrel, for I can't bear it." + +He looked down at her drawn face and pity smote him. + +"Pore ole girl--aren't you feeling well?" + +"Not very--I'm tired, like--sitting listening to all that rubbish." + +"Well, let's have an early dinner, and then go to a music-hall. You've +never been to one yet, have you?" + +"No," said Joanna. She would have much rather gone straight home, but +this was not the time to press her own wishes. She was only too glad to +have Bertie amicable and smiling again--she realized that they had only +just escaped a serious quarrel. + +The dinner, and the wine that accompanied it, made her feel better and +more cheerful. She talked a good deal--even too much, for half a glass +of claret had its potent effect on her fatigue. She looked flushed and +untidy, for she had spent a long day in her hat and outdoor clothes, and +her troubles had taken her thoughts off her appearance--she badly needed +a few minutes before the looking-glass. As Albert watched her, he gave +up his idea of taking her to the Palace, which he told himself would be +full of smart people, and decided on the Alhambra Music Hall--then from +the Alhambra he changed to the Holborn Empire.... Really it was +annoying of Jo to come out with him looking like this--she ought to +realize that she was not a young girl who could afford to let things +slip. He had told her several times that her hat was on one side, ... +And those big earrings she wore ... she ought to go in for something +quieter at her age. Her get-up had always been too much on the showy +side, and she was too independent of those helps to nature which much +younger and better-looking women than herself were only too glad to +use.... He liked to see a woman take out a powder-puff and flick it over +her face in little dainty sweeps.... + +These reflections did not put him in a good humour for the evening's +entertainment. They went by 'bus to the Holborn Empire where the first +house had already started. Joanna felt a little repulsed by the big, +rowdy audience, smoking and eating oranges and joining in the choruses +of the songs. Her brief experience of the dress circle at Daly's or the +Queen's had not prepared her for anything so characteristic as an +English music-hall, with its half-participating audience. "Hurrah for +Maudie!" as some favourite took the boards to sing, with her shoulders +hunched up to the brim of her enormous hat, a heartrending song about +her mother. + +Joanna watched Bertie as he lounged beside her. She knew that he was +sulking--the mere fact that he was entertaining her cheaply, by 'bus and +music-hall instead of taxi and theatre, pointed to his displeasure. She +wondered if he was enjoying this queer show, which struck her +alternately as inexpressibly beautiful and inexpressibly vulgar. The +lovely ladies like big handsome barmaids, who sang serious songs in +evening dress and diamonds, apparently in the vicinity of Clapham High +Street or the Monument, were merely incomprehensible. She could not +understand what they were doing. The comedians she found amusing, when +they did not shock her--Bertie had explained to her one or two of the +jokes she could not understand. The "song-scenas" and acrobatic displays +filled her with rapture. She would have liked that sort of thing the +whole time.... Albert said it was a dull show, he grumbled at +everything, especially the turns Joanna liked. But gradually the warm, +friendly, vulgar atmosphere of the place infected him--he joined in one +or two of the choruses, and seemed almost to forget about Joanna. + +She watched him as he leaned back in his seat, singing-- + + "Take me back to Pompeii-- + To Pompey-ompey-i--" + +In the dim red light of the place, he looked incredibly young. She could +see only his profile--the backward sweep of glistening, pomaded hair, +the little short straight nose, the sensual, fretful lips--and as she +watched him she was smitten with a queer sense of pity. This was no +strong man, no lover and husband--just a little clerk she was going to +shut up in prison--a little singing clerk. She felt a brute--she put +out her hand and slid it under his arm, against his warm side. + + "To Pompey-ompey-i" + +sang Bert. + + + + +§30 + +The curtain came down and the lights went up for the interval. A brass +band played very loud. Joanna was beginning to have a bit of a headache, +but she said nothing--she did not want him to leave on her account--or +to find that he did not think of leaving.... She felt very hot, and +fanned herself with her programme. Most of the audience were hot. + +"Joanna," said Bert, "don't you ever use powder?" + +"Powder? What d'you mean?" + +"Face-powder--what most girls use. Your skin wouldn't get red and shiny +like that if you had some powder on it." + +"I'd never dream of using such a thing. I'd be ashamed." + +"Why be ashamed of looking decent?" + +"I wouldn't look decent--I'd look like a hussy. Sometimes when I see +these gals' faces I--" + +"Really, Jo, to hear you speak one ud think you were the only virtuous +woman left in England. But there are just one or two things in your +career, my child, which don't quite bear out that notion." + +Joanna's heart gave a sudden bound, then seemed to freeze. + +She leaned forward in her chair, staring at the advertisements on the +curtain. Bertie put his arm round her--"I say, ole girl, you ain't angry +with me, are you?" She made no reply--she could not speak; too much was +happening in her thoughts--had happened, rather, for her mind was now +quite made up. A vast, half-conscious process seemed suddenly to have +settled itself, leaving her quite clear-headed and calm. + +"You ain't angry with me, are you?" repeated Bert. + +"No," said Joanna--"I'm not angry with you." + +He had been cruel and selfish when she was in trouble, he had shown no +tenderness for her physical fatigue, and now at last he had taunted her +with the loss of her respectability for his sake. But she was not angry +with him.... It was only that now she knew she could never, never marry +him. + + + + +§31 + +That night she slept heavily--the deep sleep of physical exhaustion and +mental decision. The unconscious striving of her soul no longer woke her +to ask her hard questions. Her mind was made up, and her conflict was at +an end. + +She woke at the full day, when down on Walland Marsh all the world was +awake, but here the city and the house still slept, and rose with her +eyes and heart full of tragic purpose. She dressed quickly, then packed +her box--all the gay, grand things she had brought to make her lover +proud of her. Then she sat down at her dressing-table, and wrote-- + + "DEAR BERTIE,--When you get this I shall have gone for good. I see + now that we were not meant for each other. I am very sorry if this + gives you pain. But it is all for the best.--Your sincere friend, + + "JOANNA GODDEN." + +By this time it was half-past seven by the good gold watch which Poor +Father had left her. Joanna's plan was to go downstairs, put her letter +on the hall table, and bribe the girl to help her down with her box and +call a cab, before any of the others appeared. She did not want to have +to face Albert, with inevitable argument and possible reproaches. Her +bruised heart ached too much to be able to endure any more from +him--angry and wounded, it beat her side. + +She carried out her scheme quite successfully as far as the cab itself, +and then was betrayed. Poor Father's watch, that huge emblem of worth +and respectability, hanging with its gold chain and seals upon her +breast, had a rare but embarrassing habit of stopping for half an hour +or so, as if to rest its ancient works. This is what it had done +to-day--instead of half-past seven, the time was eight, and as the girl +and the cabman carried Joanna's box out of the door, Bertie appeared at +the head of the steep little stairs. + +"Hullo, Joanna!" he called out in surprise--"Where on earth are you +going?" + +Here was trouble. For a moment Joanna quailed, but she recovered herself +and answered-- + +"I'm going home." + +"Home! What d'you mean? Whatever for?" + +The box was on the taxi, and the driver stood holding the door open. + +"I made up my mind last night. I can't stay here any longer. Thank you, +Alice, you needn't wait." She put a sovereign into the girl's hand. + +"Come into the dining-room," said Albert. + +He opened the door for her and they both went in. + +"It's no good, Bertie--I can't stand it any longer," said Joanna, "it's +as plain as a pike as you and me were never meant to marry, and the best +thing to do is to say good-bye before it's too late." + +He stared at her in silence. + +"I made up my mind last night," she continued, "but I wouldn't say +anything about it till this morning, and then I thought I'd slip off +quiet. I've left a letter to you that I wrote." + +"But why--why are you going?" + +"Well, it's pretty plain, ain't it, that we haven't been getting along +so well as we should ought since I came here. You and me were never +meant for each other--we don't fit--and the last few days it's been all +trouble--and there's been things I could hardly bear ..." + +Her voice broke. + +"I'm sorry I've offended you"--he spoke stiffly--"but since you came +here it's struck me, too, that things were different. I must say, +Joanna, you don't seem to have considered the difficulties of my +position." + +"I have--and that's one reason why I'm going. I don't want to take you +away from your business and your career, as you say; I know you don't +want to come and live at Ansdore ..." + +"If you reelly loved me, and still felt like that about my prospects, +you'd rather give up Ansdore than turn me down as you're doing." + +"I do love you"--she said doggedly, "but I couldn't give up my farm for +you and come and live with you in London--because if I did, reckon I +shouldn't love you much longer. These last ten days have shown me more +than anything before that you'd make anyone you lived with miserable, +and if I hadn't my farm to take my thoughts off I'd just about die of +shame and sorrow." + +He flushed angrily. + +"Reelly, Joanna--what do you mean? I've given you as good a time as I +knew how." + +"Most likely. But all the while you were giving me that good time you +were showing me how little you cared for me. Oh, it isn't as if I hadn't +been in love before and seen how good a man can be.... I don't want to +say hard things to you, my dear, but there's been times when you've hurt +me as no man could hurt a woman he really loved. And I've lived in your +home and seen how you treat your poor mother and your sister--and I tell +you the truth, though it hurts me--you ain't man enough for me." + +"Well, if that's how you feel about me, we had certainly better not go +on." + +"Don't be angry with me, dear. Reckon it was all a mistake from the +start--I'm too old for you." + +"Then it's a pity we went as far as this. What'll mother and Agatha +think when they hear you've turned me down? They're cats enough to +imagine all sorts of things. Why do you dash off like this as if I was +the plague? If you must break off our engagement, you must, though I +don't want you to--I love you, even though you don't love me--but you +might at least do it decently. Think of what they'll say when they come +down and find you've bolted." + +"I'm sorry, Bertie. But I couldn't bear to stick on here another hour. +You may tell them any story about me you like. But I can't stay. I must +think of myself a bit, since I've no one else to do it for me." + +His face was like a sulky child's. He looked at the floor, and kicked +the wainscot. + +"Well, I think you're treating me very badly, Joanna. Hang it all, I +love you--and I think you're a damn fine woman--I reelly do--and I don't +care if you are a bit older--I don't like girls." + +"You won't think me fine in another ten years--and as for loving me, +don't talk nonsense; you don't love me, or I shouldn't be going. Now let +me go." + +Her voice was hard, because her self-control was failing her. She tore +open the door, and pushed him violently aside when he tried to stand in +her way. + +"Let me go--I'm shut of you. I tell you, you ain't man enough for me." + + + + +§32 + +She had told the cabman to drive to Charing Cross station, as she felt +unequal to the complications of travelling from Lewisham. It was a long +drive, and all the way Joanna sat and cried. She seemed to have cried a +great deal lately--her nature had melted in a strange way, and the tears +she had so seldom shed as a girl were now continually ready to fall--but +she had never cried as much as she cried this morning. By the time she +reached Charing Cross she was in desperate need of that powder-puff +Bertie had urged her to possess. + +So this was the end--the end of the great romance which should have +given her girlhood back to her, but which instead seemed to have shut +her into a lonely and regretful middle-age. All her shining pride in +herself was gone--she saw herself as one who has irrevocably lost all +that makes life worth living ... pride and love. She knew that Bertie +did not love her--in his heart he was glad that she was going--all he +was sorry for was the manner of it, which might bring him disgrace. But +he would soon get over that, and then he would be thankful he was free, +and eventually he would marry some younger woman than herself ... and +she? Yes, she still loved him--but it would not be for long. She could +feel her love for him slowly dying in her heart. It was scarcely more +than pity now--pity for the little singing clerk whom she had caught and +would have put in a cage if he had not fluttered so terribly in her +hands. + +When she arrived at Charing Cross a feeling of desolation was upon her. +A porter came to fetch her box, but Joanna--the great Joanna Godden, who +put terror into the markets of three towns--shrank back into the taxi, +loath to leave its comfortable shelter for the effort and racket of the +station. A dark, handsome, rather elderly man, was coming out of one of +the archways. Their eyes met and he at once turned his away, but Joanna +leapt for him-- + +"Sir Harry! Sir Harry Trevor! Don't you know me?" + +Only too well, but he had not exactly expected her to claim +acquaintance. He felt bewildered when Joanna pushed her way to him +through the crowd and wrung his hand as if he was her only friend. + +"Oh, Sir Harry, reckon I'm glad to see you!" + +"I--I--" stuttered the baronet. + +He looked rather flushed and sodden, and the dyeing of his hair was more +obvious than it had been. + +"Fancy meeting you!" gasped Joanna. + +"Er--how are you, Miss Godden?" + +"Do you know when there's a train to Rye?" + +"I'm sorry, I don't. I've just been saying good-bye to my son +Lawrence--he's off to Africa or somewhere, but I couldn't wait till his +train came in. I've got to go over to St. Pancras and catch the 10.50 +for the north." + +"Lawrence!" + +Thank goodness, that had put her on another scent--now she would let him +go. + +"Yes--he's in the station. You'll see him if you're quick." + +Joanna turned away, and he saw that the tears were running down her +face. The woman had been drinking, that accounted for it all ... well, +he wished Lawrence joy of her. It would do him good to have a drunken +woman falling on his neck on a public platform. + +The porter said there was not a train for Rye for another hour. He +suggested that Joanna should put her luggage in the cloak-room and go +and get herself a cup of tea--the porter knew the difference between a +drunken woman and one who is merely faint from trouble and want of her +breakfast. But Joanna's mind was somehow obsessed by the thought of +Lawrence--her brother-in-law as she still called him in her heart--she +wanted to see him--she remembered his kindness long ago ... and in her +sorrow she was going back to the sorrow of those days ... somehow she +felt as if Martin had just died, as if she had just come out of North +Farthing House, alone, as she had come then--and now Lawrence was here, +as he had been then, to kiss her and say "Dear Jo".... + +"What platform does the train for Africa start from?" she asked the +porter. + +"Well, lady, I can't rightly say. The only boat-train from here this +morning goes to Folkestone, and that's off--but most likely the +gentleman ud be going from Waterloo, and the trains for Waterloo start +from number seven." + +The porter took her to number seven, and at the barrier she caught sight +of a familiar figure sitting on a bench. Father Lawrence's bullet head +showed above the folds of his cloak; by his side was a big shapeless +bundle and his eyes were fixed on the station roof. He started violently +when a large woman suddenly sat down beside him and burst into tears. + +"Lawrence!" sobbed Joanna--"Lawrence!" + +"Joanna!" + +He was too startled to say anything more, but the moment did not admit +of much conversation. Joanna sat beside him, bent over her knees, her +big shoulders shaking with sobs which were not always silent. Lawrence +made himself as large as he could, but he could not hide her from the +public stare, for nature had not made her inconspicuous, and her taste +in clothes would have defeated nature if it had. Her orange toque had +fallen sideways on her tawny hair--she was like a big, broken sunflower. + +"My dear Jo," he said gently, after a time--"let me go and get you a +drink of water." + +"No--don't leave me." + +"Then let me ask someone to go." + +"No--no.... Oh, I'm all right--it's only that I felt so glad at seeing +you again." + +Lawrence was surprised. + +"It makes me think of that other time when you were kind--I remember +when Martin died ... oh, I can't help wishing sometimes he was +dead--that he'd died right at the start--or I had." + +"My dear ..." + +"Oh, when Martin died, at least it was finished; but this time it ain't +finished--it's like something broken." She clasped her hands, in their +brown kid gloves, against her heart. + +"Won't you tell me what's happened? This isn't Martin you're talking +about?" + +"No. But I thought he was like Martin--that's what made me take to him +at the start. I looked up and I saw him, and I said to myself 'That's +Martin'--it gave me quite a jump." + +The Waterloo train was in the station and the people on the platform +surged towards it, leaving Lawrence and Joanna stranded on their seat. +Lawrence looked at the train for a minute, then shook his head, as if in +answer to some question he had asked himself. + +"Look here, Jo," he said, "won't you tell me what's happened? I can't +quite understand you as it is. Don't tell me anything you'd rather not." + +Joanna sat upright and swallowed violently. + +"It's like this," she said. "I've just broken off my engagement to +marry--maybe you didn't know I was engaged to be married?" + +"No, I didn't." + +"Well, I was. I was engaged to a young chap--a young chap in an office. +I met him at Marlingate, when I was staying there that time. I thought +he was like Martin--that's what made me take to him at the first. But he +wasn't like Martin--not really in his looks and never in his ways. And +at last it got more'n I could bear, and I broke with him this morning +and came away--and I reckon he ain't sorry, neither.... I'm thirteen +year older than him." + +Her tears began to flow again, but the platform was temporarily +deserted. Lawrence waited for her to go on--he suspected a tragedy which +had not yet been revealed. + +"Oh, my heart's broke," she continued--"reckon I'm done for, and there's +nothing left for me." + +"But, Jo--is this--this affair quite finished? Perhaps ... I mean to +say, quarrels can be made up, you know." + +"Not this one," said Joanna. "It's been too much. For days I've watched +him getting tired of me, and last night he turned on me because for his +sake I'd done what no woman should do." + +The words were no sooner out of her mouth than she was dismayed. She had +not meant to say them. Would Lawrence understand? What would he think of +her?--a clergyman.... She turned on him a face crimson and suffused with +tears, to meet a gaze as serene as ever. Then suddenly a new feeling +came to her--something apart from horror at herself and shame at his +knowing, and yet linked strangely with them both--something which was +tenderer than any shame and yet more ruthless.... Her last guard broke +down. + +"Lawrence, I've been wicked, I've been bad--I'm sorry--Lawrence."... + +"Tell me as little or as much as you like, dear Jo." + +Joanna gripped his arm; she had driven him into the corner of the seat, +where he sat with his bundle on his lap, his ear bent to her mouth, +while she crowded up against him, pouring out her tale. Every now and +then he said gently--"Sh-sh-sh"--when he thought that her confession was +penetrating the further recesses of Charing Cross.... + +"Oh, Lawrence, I feel so bad--I feel so wicked--I never should have +thought it of myself. I didn't feel wicked at first, but I did +afterwards. Oh, Lawrence, tell me what I'm to do." + +His professional instinct taught him to treat the situation with +simplicity, but he guessed that Joanna would not appreciate the quiet +dealings of the confessional. He had always liked Joanna, always admired +her, and he liked and admired her no less now, but he really knew very +little of her--her life had crossed his only on three different brief +occasions, when she was engaged to his brother, when she was anxious to +appoint a Rector to the living in her gift, and now when as a +broken-hearted woman she relieved herself of a burden of sorrow. + +"Lawrence--tell me what to do." + +"Dear Jo--I'm not quite sure.... I don't know what you want, you see. +What I should want first myself would be absolution." + +"Oh, don't you try none of your Jesoot tricks on me--I couldn't bear +it." + +"Very well. Then I think there's only one thing you can do, and that is +to go home and take up your life where you left it, with a very humble +heart. 'I shall go softly all my days in the bitterness of my soul.'" + +Joanna gulped. + +"And be very thankful, too." + +"What for?" + +"For your repentance." + +"Well, reckon I do feel sorry--and reckon, too, I done something to be +sorry for.... Oh, Lawrence, what a wicked owl I've been! If you'd told +me six year ago as I'd ever have come to this I'd have had a fit on the +ground." + +Lawrence looked round him nervously. Whatever Joanna's objections to +private penance, she was curiously indifferent to confessing her sins to +all mankind in Charing Cross station. The platform was becoming crowded +again, and already their confessional had been invaded--a woman with a +baby was sitting on the end of it. + +"Your train will be starting soon," said Lawrence--"let's go and find +you something to eat." + + + + +§33 + +Joanna felt better after she had had a good cup of coffee and a poached +egg. She was surprised afterwards to find she had eaten so much. +Lawrence sat with her while she ate, then took her to find her porter, +her luggage and her train. + +"But won't you lose your train to Africa?" asked Joanna. + +"I'm only going as far as Waterloo this morning, and there's a train +every ten minutes." + +"When do you start for Africa?" + +"I think to-night." + +"I wish you weren't going there. Why are you going?" + +"Because I'm sent." + +"When will you come back?" + +"I don't know--perhaps never." + +"I'm middling sorry you're going. What a place to send you to!--all +among niggers." + +She was getting more like herself. He stood at the carriage door, +talking to her of indifferent things till the train started. The whistle +blew, and the train began to glide out of the station. Joanna waved her +hand to the grey figure standing on the platform beside the tramp's +bundle which was all that would go with it to the ends of the earth. She +did not know whether she pitied Lawrence or envied him. + +"Reckon he's got some queer notions," she said to herself. + +She leaned back in the carriage, feeling more at ease than she had felt +for weeks. She was travelling third class, for one of Lawrence's notions +was that everybody did so, and when Joanna had given him her purse to +buy her ticket it had never struck him that she did not consider +third-class travel "seemly" in one of her sex and position. However, the +carriage was comfortable, and occupied only by two well-conducted +females. Yes--she was certainly feeling better. She would never have +thought that merely telling her story to Lawrence would have made such a +difference. But a great burden had been lifted off her heart.... He was +a good chap, Lawrence, for all his queer ways--such as ud make you think +he wasn't gentry if you didn't know who his father was and his brother +had been--and no notion how to behave himself as a clergyman, +neither--anyway she hoped he'd get safe to Africa and that the niggers +wouldn't eat him ... though she'd heard of such things.... + +She'd do as he said, too. She'd go home and take up things where she'd +put them down. It would be hard--much harder than he thought. Perhaps he +didn't grasp all that she was doing in giving up marriage, the one thing +that could ever make her respect herself again. Well, she couldn't help +that--she must just do without respecting herself--that's all. Anything +would be better than shutting up herself and Albert together in prison, +till they hated each other. It would be very hard for her, who had +always been so proud of herself, to live without even respecting +herself. But she should have thought of that earlier. She remembered +Lawrence's words--"I will go softly all my days in the bitterness of my +soul".... Well, she'd do her best, and perhaps God would forgive her, +and then when she died she'd go to heaven, and be with Martin for ever +and ever, in spite of all the bad things she'd done.... + +She got out at Appledore and took the light railway to Brodnyx. She did +not feel inclined for the walk from Rye. The little train was nearly +empty, and Joanna had a carriage to herself. She settled herself +comfortably in a corner--it was good to be coming home, even as things +were. The day was very sunny and still. The blue sky was slightly +misted--a yellow haze which smelt of chaff and corn smudged together the +sky and the marsh and the distant sea. The farms with their red and +yellow roofs were like ripe apples lying in the grass. + +Yes, the Marsh was the best place to live on, and the Marsh ways were +the best ways, and the man who had loved her on the Marsh was the best +man and the best lover.... She wondered what Ellen would say when she +heard she had broken off her engagement. Ellen had never thought much of +Bertie--she had thought Joanna was a fool to see such a lot in him; and +Ellen had been right--her eyes and her head were clearer than her poor +sister's.... She expected she would be home in time for tea--Ellen would +be terrible surprised to see her; if she'd had any sense she'd have sent +her a telegram. + +The little train had a strange air of friendliness as it jogged across +Romney Marsh. It ran familiarly through farmyards and back gardens, it +meekly let the motor-cars race it and pass it as it clanked beside the +roads. The line was single all the way, except for a mile outside +Brodnyx station, where it made a loop to let the up-train pass. The +up-train was late--they had been too long loading up the fish at +Dungeness, or there was a reaping machine being brought from Lydd. For +some minutes Joanna's train stayed halted in the sunshine, in the very +midst of the Three Marshes. Miles of sun-swamped green spread on either +side--the carriage was full of sunshine--it was bright and stuffy like a +greenhouse. Joanna felt drowsy, she lay back in her corner blinking at +the sun--she was all quiet now. A blue-bottle droned against the window, +and the little engine droned, like an impatient fly--it was all very +still, very hot, very peaceful.... + +Then suddenly something stirred within her--stirred physically. In some +mysterious way she seemed to come alive. She sat up, pressing her hand +to her side. A flood of colour went up into her face--her body trembled, +and the tears started in her eyes ... she felt herself choking with wild +fear, and wild joy. + + + + +§34 + +Oh, she understood now. She understood, and she was certain. She knew +now--she knew, and she was frightened ... oh, she was frightened ... now +everything was over with her indeed. + +Joanna nearly fainted. She fell in a heap against the window, looking +more than ever, as the sunshine poured on her, like a great golden, +broken flower. She felt herself choking and managed to right +herself--the window was down, and a faint puff of air came in from the +sea, lifting her hair as she leaned back against the wooden wall of the +carriage, her mouth a little open.... She felt better now, but still so +frightened.... She was done for, she was finished--there would not be +any more talk of going back and picking up things where she had let them +drop. She would have to marry Bertie--there was no help for it, she +would send him a telegram from Brodnyx station. Oh, that this should +have happened!... And she had been feeling so much easier in her +mind--she had almost begun to feel happy again, thinking of the old home +and the old life. And now she knew that they had gone for ever--the old +home and the old life. She had cut herself away from both--she would +have to marry Albert, to shut her little clerk in prison after all, and +herself with him. She would have to humble herself before him, she would +have to promise to go and live with him in London, do all she possibly +could to make his marriage easy for him. He did not want to marry her, +and she did not want to marry him, but there was no help for it, they +must marry now, because of what their love had given them before it +died. + +She had no tears for this new tragedy. She leaned forward in her seat, +her hands clasped between her knees, her eyes staring blankly at the +carriage wall as if she saw there her future written ... herself and +Albert growing old together, or rather herself growing old while Albert +lived through his eager, selfish youth--herself and Albert shut up +together ... how he would scold her, how he would reproach her--he would +say "You have brought me to this," and in time he would come to hate +her, his fellow-prisoner who had shut the door on both of them--and he +would hate her child ... they would never have married except for the +child, so he would hate her child, scold it, make it miserable ... it +would grow up in an unhappy home, with parents who did not love each +other, who owed it a grudge for coming to them--her child, her precious +child.... + +Still in her heart, alive under all the fear, was that thrill of divine +joy which had come to her in the first moment of realization. Terror, +shame, despair--none of them could kill it, for that joy was a part of +her being, part of the new being which had quickened in her. It belonged +to them both--it was the secret they shared ... joy, unutterable joy. +Yes, she was glad she was going to have this child--she would still be +glad even in the prison-house of marriage, she would still be glad even +in the desert of no-marriage, every tongue wagging, every finger +pointing, every heart despising. Nothing could take her joy from +her--make her less than joyful mother.... + +Then as the joy grew and rose above the fear, she knew that she could +never let fear drive her into bondage. Nothing should make a sacrifice +of joy to shame--to save herself she would not bring up her child in the +sorrow and degradation of a loveless home.... If she had been strong +enough to give up the thought of marriage for the sake of Bertie's +liberty and her own self-respect, she could be strong enough now to turn +from her only hope of reputation for the sake of the new life which was +joy within her. It would be the worst, most shattering thing she had +ever yet endured, but she would go through with it for the love of the +unborn. Joanna was not so unsophisticated as to fail to realize the +difficulties and complications of her resolve--how much her child would +suffer for want of a father's name; memories of lapsed dairymaids had +stressed in her experience the necessity of a marriage no matter how +close to the birth. But she did not rate these difficulties higher than +the misery of such a home as hers and Albert's would be. Better anything +than that. Joanna had no illusions about Albert now--he'd have led her a +dog's life if she had married him in the first course of things; now it +would be even worse, and her child should not suffer that. + +No, she would do her best. Possibly she could arrange things so as to +protect, at least to a certain extent, the name her baby was to bear. +She would have to give up Ansdore, of course--leave Walland Marsh ... +her spirit quailed, but she braced it fiercely. She was going through +with this--it was the only thing Lawrence had told her that she could +do--go softly all her days--to the very end. That end was farther and +bitterer than either he or she had imagined then, but she would not have +to go all the way alone. A child--that was what she had always wanted; +she had tried to fill her heart with other things, with Ansdore, with +Ellen, with men ... but what she had always wanted had been a child--she +saw that now. Her child should have been born in easy, honourable +circumstances, with a kind father--Arthur Alce, perhaps, since it could +not be Martin Trevor. But the circumstances of its birth were her doing, +and it was she who would face them. The circumstances only were her sin +and shame, her undying regret--since she knew she could not keep them +entirely to herself--the rest was joy and thrilling, vital peace. + +The little train pulled itself together, and ran on into Brodnyx +station. Joanna climbed down on the wooden platform, and signalled to +the porter-stationmaster to take out her box. + +"What, you back, Miss Godden!" he said, "we wasn't expecting you." + +"No, I've come back pretty sudden. Do you know if there's any traps +going over Pedlinge way?" + +"There's Mrs. Furnese come over to fetch a crate of fowls. Maybe she'd +give you a lift." + +"I'll ask her," said Joanna. + +Mrs. Furnese, too, was much surprised to see her back, but she said +nothing about it, partly because she was a woman of few words, and +partly because they'd all seen in the paper this morning that Joanna had +lost her case--and reckon she must be properly upset. Maybe that was why +she had come back.... + +"Would you like to drive?" she asked Joanna, when they had taken their +seats in Misleham's ancient gig, with the crate of fowls behind them. +She felt rather shy of handling the reins under Joanna Godden's eye, for +everyone knew that Joanna drove like a Jehu, something tur'ble. + +But the great woman shook her head. She felt tired, she said, with the +heat. So Mrs. Furnese drove, and Joanna sat silently beside her, +watching her thick brown hand on the reins, with the wedding ring +embedded deep in the gnarled finger. + +"Reckon she's properly upset with that case," thought the married woman +to herself, "and sarve her right for bringing it. She could easily have +paid them missionaries, with all the money she had. But it was ever +Joanna's way to make a terrification." + +They jogged on over the winding, white ribbon of road--through Brodnyx +village, past the huge barn-like church which had both inspired and +reproached her faith, with its black, caped tower canting over it, on to +Walland Marsh, to the cross roads at the Woolpack--My, how they would +talk at the Woolpack!... but she would be far away by then ... where?... +She didn't know, she would think of that later--when she had told +Ellen. Oh, there would be trouble--there would be the worst she'd ever +have to swallow--when she told Ellen.... + + + + +§35 + +Joanna saw Ansdore looking at her through the chaffy haze of the August +afternoon. It stewed like an apple in the sunshine, and a faint smell of +apples came from it, as its great orchard dragged its boughs in the +grass. They were reaping the Gate Field close to the house--the hum of +the reaper came to her, and seemed in some mysterious way to be the +voice of Ansdore itself, droning in the sunshine and stillness. She felt +her throat tighten, and winked the tears from her eyes. + +She could see Ellen coming down the drive, a cool, white, belted figure, +with trim white feet. From her bedroom window Ellen had seen the +Misleham gig turn in at the gate, and had at once recognized the golden +blot beside Mrs. Furnese as her sister Joanna. + +"Hullo, Jo! I never expected you back to-day. Did you send a wire? For +if you did, I never got it." + +"No, I didn't telegraph. Where's Mene Tekel? Tell her to come around +with Nan and carry up my box. Mrs. Furnese, ma'am, I hope you'll step in +and drink a cup of tea." + +Joanna climbed down and kissed Ellen--her cheek was warm and moist, and +her hair hung rough about her ears, over one of which the orange toque, +many times set right, had come down in a final confusion. Ellen on the +other hand was as cool as she was white--and her hair lay smooth under a +black velvet fillet. Of late it seemed as if her face had acquired a +brooding air; it had lost its exotic look, it was dreamy, almost +virginal. Joanna felt her sister's kiss like snow. + +"Is tea ready?" + +"No--it's only half-past three. But you can have it at once. You look +tired. Why didn't you send a wire, and I'd have had the trap to meet +you." + +"I never troubled, and I've managed well enough. Ain't you coming in, +Mrs. Furnese?" + +"No, thank you, Miss Godden--much obliged all the same. I've my man's +tea to get, and these fowls to see to." + +She felt that the sisters would want to be alone. Joanna would tell +Ellen all about her failure, and Mene Tekel and Nan would overhear as +much as they could, and tell Broadhurst and Crouch and the other men, +who would tell the Woolpack bar, where Mr. Furnese would hear it and +bring it home to Mrs. Furnese.... So her best way of learning the truth +about the Appeal and exactly how many thousands Joanna had lost depended +on her going home as quickly as possible. + +Joanna, was glad to be alone. She went with Ellen into the cool +parlour, drinking in the relief of its solid comfort compared with the +gimcrackiness of the parlour at Lewisham. + +"I'm sorry about your Appeal," said Ellen--"I saw in to-day's paper that +you've lost it." + +Joanna had forgotten all about the Appeal--it seemed twenty-four years +ago instead of twenty-four hours that she had come out of the Law Courts +and seen Bertie standing there with the pigeons strutting about his +feet--but she welcomed it as a part explanation of her appearance, which +she saw now was deplorable, and her state of mind, which she found +impossible to disguise. + +"Yes, it's terrible--I'm tedious upset." + +"I suppose you've lost a lot of money." + +"Not more than I can afford to pay"--the old Joanna came out and boasted +for a minute. + +"That's one comfort." + +Joanna looked at her sister and opened her mouth, but shut it as Mene +Tekel came in with the tea tray and Arthur Alce's good silver service. + +Mene set the tea as silently as the defects of her respiratory apparatus +would admit, and once again Joanna sighed with relief as she thought of +the clatter made by Her at Lewisham.... Oh, there was no denying that +she had a good house and good servants and had done altogether well for +herself until in a fit of wickedness she had bust it all. + +She would not tell Ellen to-night. She would wait till to-morrow +morning, when she'd had a good sleep. She felt tired now, and would cry +the minute Ellen began.... But she'd let her know about the breaking +off of her engagement--that would prepare the way, like. + +"Ellen," she said, after she had drunk her tea--"one reason I'm so upset +is that I've just broken off my marriage with my intended." + +"Joanna!" + +Ellen put down her cup and stared at her. In her anxiety to hide her +emotion, Joanna had spoken more in anger than in sorrow, so her sister's +pity was checked. + +"What ever made you do that!" + +"We found we didn't suit." + +"Well, my dear, I must say the difference in your age made me rather +anxious. Thirteen years on the woman's side is rather a lot, you know. +But I knew you'd always liked boys, so I hoped for the best." + +"Well, it's all over now." + +"Poor old Joanna, it must have been dreadful for you--on the top of your +failure in the courts, too; but I'm sure you were wise to break it off. +Only the most absolute certainty could have justified such a marriage." + +She smiled to herself. When she said "absolute certainty" she was +thinking of Tip. + +"Well, I've got a bit of a headache," said Joanna rising--"I think I'll +go and have a lay down." + +"Do, dear. Would you like me to come up with you and help you undress?" + +"No thanks. I'll do by myself. You might ask the girl to bring me up a +jug of hot water. Reckon I shan't be any worse for a good wash." + + + + +§36 + +Much as Joanna was inclined to boast of her new bathroom at Ansdore, she +did not personally make much use of it, having perhaps a secret fear of +its unfriendly whiteness, and a love of the homely, steaming jug which +had been the fount of her ablutions since her babyhood's tub was given +up. This evening she removed the day's grime from herself by a gradual +and excessively modest process, and about one and a half pints of hot +water. Then she twisted her hair into two ropes, put on a clean +night-gown, and got into bed. + +Her body's peace between the cool, coarse sheets seemed to thrill to her +soul. She felt at home and at rest. It was funny being in bed at that +time in the afternoon--scarcely past four o'clock--it was funny, but it +was good. The sunshine was coming into the room, a spill of misty gold +on the floor and furniture, and from where she lay she could see the +green boundaries of the Marsh. Oh, it would be terrible when she saw +that Marsh no more ... the tears rose, and she turned her face to the +pillow. It was all over now--all her ambition, all her success, all the +greatness of Joanna Godden. She had made Ansdore great and prosperous +though she was a woman, and then she had lost it because she was a +woman.... Words that she had uttered long ago came back into her mind. +She saw herself standing in the dairy, in front of Martha Tilden, whose +face she had forgotten. She was saying: "It's sad to think you've kept +yourself straight for years and then gone wrong at last...." + +Yes, it was sad ... and now she was being punished for it; but wrapped +up in her punishment, sweetening its very heart, was a comfort she did +not deserve. Ansdore was slowly fading in her thoughts, as it had +always faded in the presence of any vital instinct, whether of love or +death. Ansdore could never be to her what her child would be--none of +her men, except perhaps Martin, could have been to her what her child +would be.... "If it's a boy I'll call it Martin--if it's a girl I'll +call it Ellen," he said to herself. Then she doubted whether Ellen +would appreciate the compliment ... but she would not let herself +think of Ellen to-night. That was to-morrow's evil. + +"I'll have to make some sort of a plan, though--I'll have to sell this +place and give Ellen a share of it. And me--where ull I go?" + +She must go pretty far, so that when the child came Brodnyx and Pedlinge +would not get to know about it. She would have to go at least as far as +Brighton ... then she remembered Martha Relf and her lodgings at +Chichester--"that wouldn't be bad, to go to Martha just for a start. Me +leaving Ansdore for the same reason as she left it thirteen year ago ... +that's queer. The mistress who got shut of her, coming to her and +saying--'Look here, Martha, take me in, so's I can have my child in +peace same as you had yours' ... I should ought to get some stout money +for this farm--eight thousand pounds if it's eightpence--though reckon +the Government ull want about half of it and we'll have all that +terrification started again ... howsumever, I guess I'll get enough of +it to live on, even when Ellen has her bit ... and maybe the folk around +here ull think I'm sold up because my case has bust me, and that'll save +me something of their talk." + +Well, well, she was doing the best she could--though Lawrence on his +blind, obedient way to Africa was scarcely going on a farther, lonelier +journey than that on which Joanna was setting out. + +"Oh, Martin," she whispered, lifting her eyes to his picture on her +chest of drawers--"I wish I could feel you close." + +It was years since she had really let herself think of him, but now +strange barriers of thought had broken down, and she seemed to go to and +fro quite easily into the past. Whether it was her love for Bertie whom +in her blindness she had thought like him, or her meeting with Lawrence, +or the new hope within her, she did not trouble to ask--but that +strange, long forbidding was gone. She was free to remember all their +going out and coming in together, his sweet fiery kisses, the ways of +the Marsh that he had made wonderful. Throughout her being there was a +strange sense of release--broken, utterly done and finished as she was +from the worldly point of view, there was in her heart a springing hope, +a sweet softness--she could indeed go softly at last. + +The tears were in her eyes as she climbed out of bed and knelt down +beside it. It was weeks since she had said her prayers--not since that +night when Bertie had come into her room. But now that her heart was +quite melted she wanted to ask God to help her and forgive her. + +"Oh, please God, forgive me. I know I been wicked, but I'm unaccountable +sorry. And I'm going through with it. Please help my child--don't let it +get hurt for my fault. Help me to do my best and not grumble, seeing as +it's all my own wickedness; and I'm sorry I broke the Ten Commandments. +'Lord have mercy upon us and write all these thy laws in our hearts, we +beseech thee.'" + +This liturgical outburst seemed wondrously to heal Joanna--it seemed to +link her up again with the centre of her religion--Brodnyx church, with +the big pews, and the hassocks, and the Lion and the Unicorn over the +north door--she felt readmitted into the congregation of the faithful, +and her heart was full of thankfulness and loyalty. She rose from her +knees, climbed into bed, and curled up on her side. Ten minutes later +she was sound asleep. + + + + +§37 + +The next morning after breakfast, Joanna faced Ellen in the dining-room. + +"Ellen," she said--"I'm going to sell Ansdore." + +"You're what?" + +"I'm going to put up this place for auction in September." + +"Joanna!" + +Ellen stared at her in amazement, alarm, and some sympathy. + +"I'm driving in to tell Edward Huxtable about it this morning. Not that +I trust him, after the mess he made of my case; howsumever, I can look +after him in this business, and the auctioneer, too." + +"But, my dear, I thought you said you'd plenty of money to meet your +losses." + +"So I have. That's not why I'm selling." + +"Then why on earth ..." + +The colour mounted to Joanna's face. She looked at her sister's +delicate, thoughtful face, with its air of quiet happiness. The room was +full of sunshine, and Ellen was all in white. + +"Ellen, I'm going to tell you something ... because you're my sister. +And I trust you not to let another living soul know what I've told you. +As I kept your secret four years ago, so now you can keep mine." + +Ellen's face lost a little of its repose--suddenly, for a moment, she +looked like the Ellen of "four years ago." + +"Really, Joanna, you might refrain from raking up the past." + +"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rake up nothing. I've no right--seeing as +what I want to tell you is that I'm just the same as you." + +Ellen turned white. + +"What do you mean?" she cried furiously. + +"I mean--I'm going to have a child." + +Ellen stared at her without speaking, her mouth fell open; then her face +began working in a curious way. + +"I know I been wicked," continued Joanna, in a dull, level voice--"but +it's too late to help that now. The only thing now is to do the best I +can, and that is to get out of here." + +"Do you know what you're talking about?" said Ellen. + +"Yes--I know right enough. It's true what I'm telling you. I didn't know +for certain till yesterday." + +"Are you quite sure?" + +"Certain sure." + +"But--" Ellen drummed with her fingers on the table, her hands were +shaking, her colour came and went. + +"Joanna--is it Albert's child?" + +"Of course it is." + +"Then why--why in God's name did you break off the engagement?" + +"I tell you I didn't know till yesterday. I'd been scared once or twice, +but he told me it was all right." + +"Does he know?" + +"He doesn't." + +"Then he must be told"--Ellen sprang to her feet--"Joanna, what a fool +you are! You must send him a wire at once and tell him to come down +here. You must marry him." + +"That I won't!" + +"But you're mad--really, you've no choice in the matter. You must marry +him at once." + +"I tell you I'll never do that." + +"If you don't ... can't you see what'll happen?--are you an absolute +fool? If you don't marry this man, your child will be illegitimate, +you'll be kicked out of decent society, and you'll bring us all to ruin +and disgrace." + +Ellen burst into tears. Joanna fought back her own. + +"Listen to me, Ellen." + +But Ellen sobbed brokenly on. It was as if her own past had risen from +its grave and laid cold hands upon her, just when she thought it was +safely buried for ever. + +"Don't you see what'll happen if you refuse to marry this man?--It'll +ruin me--it'll spoil my marriage. Tip ... Good God! he's risen to a good +deal, seeing the ideas most Englishmen have ... but now you--you--" + +"Ellen, you don't mean as Tip ull get shut of you because of me?" + +"No, of course I don't. But it's asking too much of him--it isn't fair +to him ... he'll think he's marrying into a fine family!"--and Ellen's +tears broke into some not very pleasant laughter--"both of us ... Oh, he +was sweet about me, he understood--but now you--you!--Whatever made you +do it, Joanna?" + +"I dunno ... I loved him, and I was mad." + +"I think it's horrible of you--perfectly horrible. I'd absolutely no +idea you were that sort of woman--I thought at least you were decent and +respectable.... A man you were engaged to, too. Oh, I know what you're +thinking--you're thinking I'm in the same boat as you are, but I tell +you I'm not. I was a married woman--I couldn't have married my lover, +I'd a right to take what I could get. But you could have married +yours--you were going to marry him. But you lost your head--like a +common servant--like the girl you sacked years ago when you thought I +was too young to understand anything about it. And I never landed myself +with a child--at least there was some possibility of wiping out what I'd +done when it proved a mistake, some chance of living it down--and I've +done it, I've won my way back, and now you come along and disgrace me +all over again, and the man I love ..." + +Never had Ellen's voice been so like Joanna's. It had risen to a hoarse +note where it hung suspended--anyone now would know that they were +sisters. + +"I tell you I'm sorry, Ellen. But I can't do nothing bout it." + +"Yes, you can. You can marry this man, Hill--then no one need ever know, +Tip need never know--" + +"Reckon that wouldn't keep them from knowing. They'd see as I was +getting married in a hurry--not an invitation out and my troossoo not +half ready--and then they'd count the months till the baby came. No, I +tell you, it'll be much better if I go away. Everyone ull think as I'm +bust, through having lost my case, and I'll go right away--Chichester, +I'd thought of going to, where Martha Relf is--and when the baby comes, +no one till be a bit the wiser." + +"Of course they will. They'll know all about it--everything gets known +here, and you've never in your life been able to keep a secret. If you +marry, people won't talk in the same way--it'll be only guessing, +anyhow. You needn't be down here when the baby's born--and at least Tip +needn't know. Joanna, if you love me, if you ever loved me, you'll send +a wire to this man and tell him that you've changed your mind and must +see him--you can easily make up the quarrel, whatever it was." + +"Maybe he wouldn't marry me now, even if I did wire." + +"Nonsense--he'd have to." + +"Well, he won't be asked." + +Joanna was stiffening with grief. She had not expected to have this +battle with Ellen; she had been prepared for abuse and upbraiding, but +not for argument--it had not struck her that her sister would demand the +rehabilitation she herself refused. + +"You're perfectly shameless," sobbed Ellen. "My God! It ud take a woman +like you to brazen through a thing like this. Swanking, swaggering, +you've always been ... well, I bet you'll find this too much even for +your swagger--you don't know what you're letting yourself in for.... I +can tell you a little, for I've known, I've felt, what people can be.... +I've had to face them--when you wouldn't let Arthur give me my divorce." + +"Well, I'll just about have to face 'em, that's all. I done wrong, and I +don't ask not to be punished." + +"You're an absolute fool. And if you won't do anything for your own +sake, you might at least do something for mine. I tell you, I'm not like +you--I do think of other people--and for Tip's sake I can't have +everyone talking about you, and may be my own story raked up again. I +won't have him punished for his goodness. If you won't marry and be +respectable, I tell you, you needn't think I'll ever let you see me +again." + +"But, Ellen, supposing even there is talk--you and Tip won't be here to +hear it. You'll be married by then and away in Wiltshire. Tip need never +know." + +"How can he help knowing, as long as you've got a tongue in your head? +And what'll he think you're doing at Chichester?--No, I tell you, +Joanna, unless you marry Hill, you can say good-bye to me"--she was +speaking quite calmly now--"I don't want to be hard and unsisterly, but +I happen to love the man who's going to be my husband better than anyone +in the world. He's been good, and I'm not going to have his goodness put +upon. He's marrying a woman who's had trouble and scandal in her life, +but at least he's not going to have the shame of that woman's sister. So +you can choose between me and yourself." + +"It ain't between you and myself. It's between you and my child. It's +for my child's sake I won't marry Bertie Hill." + +"My dear Joanna, are you quite an ass? Can't you see that the person who +will suffer most for all this is your child? I didn't bring in that +argument before, as I didn't think it would appeal to you--but surely +you see that the position of an illegitimate child ..." + +"Is much better than the child of folk who don't love each other, and +have only married because it was coming. I'm scared myself, and I can +scare Bert, and we can get married--but what'll that be? He don't love +me--I don't love him. He don't want to marry me--I don't want to marry +him. He'll never forgive me, and all our lives he'll be throwing it up +to me--and he'll be hating the child, seeing as it's only because of it +we're married, and he'll make it miserable. Oh, you don't know Bertie as +I know him--I don't say as it's all his fault, poor boy, I reckon his +mother didn't raise him properly--but you should hear him speak to his +mother and sister, and know what he'd be as a husband and father. I tell +you, he ain't fit to be the father of a child." + +"And are you fit to be the mother?" Ellen sneered. + +"Maybe I ain't. But the point is, I am the mother, nothing can change +that. And reckon I can fight, and keep the worst off. Oh, I know it +ain't easy, and it ain't right; and I'll suffer for it, and the worst +till be that my child ull have to suffer too. But I tell you it shan't +suffer more than I can help. Reckon I shan't manage so badly. I'll raise +it among strangers, and I'll have a nice little bit of money to live on, +coming to me from the farm, even when I've paid you a share, as I shall, +as is fitting. I'll give my child every chance I can." + +"Then it's a choice between your child and me. If you do this mad +thing, Joanna, you'll have to go. I can't have you ever coming near me +and Tip--it isn't only for my own sake--it's for his." + +"Reckon we're both hurting each other for somebody else's sake. But I +ain't angry with you, Ellen, same as you're angry with me." + +"I am angry with you--I can't help it. You go and do this utterly silly +and horrible thing, and then instead of making the best you can of it +for everybody's sake, you go on blundering worse and worse. Such utter +ignorance of the world ... such utter ignorance of your own self ... how +d'you think you're going to manage without Ansdore? Why, it's your very +life--you'll be utterly lost without it. Think of yourself, starting an +entirely new life at your age--nearly forty. It's impossible. You don't +know what you're letting yourself in for. But you'll find out when it's +too late, and then both you and your unfortunate child ull have to +suffer." + +"If I married Bert I couldn't keep on Ansdore. He wouldn't marry me +unless I came to London--I know that now. He's set on business. I'd have +to go and live with him in a street ... then we'd both be miserable, all +three be miserable. Now if I go off alone, maybe later on I can get a +bit of land, and run another farm in foreign parts--by Chichester or +Southampton--just a little one, to keep me busy. Reckon that ud be fine +and healthy for my child ..." + +"Your child seems to be the only thing you care about. Really to hear +you talk, one ud almost think you were glad." + +"I am glad." + +Ellen sprang to her feet. + +"There's no good going on with this conversation. You're quite without +feeling and quite without shame. I don't know if you'll come to your +senses later, and not perhaps feel quite so _glad_ that you have ruined +your life, disgraced your family, broken my heart, brought shame and +trouble into the life of a good and decent man. But at present I'm sick +of you." + +She walked towards the door. + +"Ellen," cried Joanna--"don't go away like that--don't think that of me. +I ain't glad in that way." + +But Ellen would not turn or speak. She went out of the door with a +queer, white draggled look about her. + +"Ellen," cried Joanna a second time, but she knew it was no good.... + +Well, she was alone now, if ever a woman was. + +She stood staring straight in front of her, out of the little flower-pot +obscured window, into the far distances of the Marsh. Once more the +Marsh wore its strange, occasional look of being under the sea, but this +time it was her own tears that had drowned it. + +"Child--what if the old floods came again?" she seemed to hear Martin's +voice as it had spoken in a far-off, half forgotten time.... He had +talked to her about those old floods, he had said they might come again, +and she had said they couldn't.... My! How they used to argue together +in those days. He had said that if the floods came back to drown the +Marsh, all the church bells would ring under the sea.... + +She liked thinking of Martin in this way--it comforted her. It made her +feel as if, now that everything had been taken from her, the past so +long lost had been given back. And not the past only, for if her +memories lived, her hopes lived too--not even Ellen's bitterness could +kill them.... There she stood, nearly forty years old, on the threshold +of an entirely new life--her lover, her sister, her farm, her home, her +good name, all lost. But the past and the future still were hers. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Joanna Godden, by Sheila Kaye-Smith + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOANNA GODDEN *** + +***** This file should be named 15779-8.txt or 15779-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/5/7/7/15779/ + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Louise Pryor and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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